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diff --git a/old/chuzz10.txt b/old/chuzz10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c6b035 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/chuzz10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,39398 @@ +**The Project Gutenberg Etext of Martin Chuzzlewit by Dickens** +#32 in our series by Charles Dickens + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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That which is commonly called a long-sight, +perceives in a prospect innumerable features and bearings +non-existent to a short-sighted person. I sometimes ask myself +whether there may occasionally be a difference of this kind between +some writers and some readers; whether it is ALWAYS the writer +who colours highly, or whether it is now and then the reader +whose eye for colour is a little dull? + +On this head of exaggeration I have a positive experience, more +curious than the speculation I have just set down. It is this: +I have never touched a character precisely from the life, but some +counterpart of that character has incredulously asked me: "Now +really, did I ever really, see one like it?" + +All the Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, +that Mr. Pecksniff is an exaggeration, and that no such character +ever existed. I will not offer any plea on his behalf to so +powerful and genteel a body, but will make a remark on the +character of Jonas Chuzzlewit. + +I conceive that the sordid coarseness and brutality of Jonas +would be unnatural, if there had been nothing in his early +education, and in the precept and example always before him, +to engender and develop the vices that make him odious. But, +so born and so bred, admired for that which made him hateful, +and justified from his cradle in cunning, treachery, and avarice; +I claim him as the legitimate issue of the father upon whom those +vices are seen to recoil. And I submit that their recoil upon +that old man, in his unhonoured age, is not a mere piece of +poetical justice, but is the extreme exposition of a direct truth. + +I make this comment, and solicit the reader's attention to it in +his or her consideration of this tale, because nothing is more +common in real life than a want of profitable reflection on the +causes of many vices and crimes that awaken the general horror. +What is substantially true of families in this respect, is true +of a whole commonwealth. As we sow, we reap. Let the reader go +into the children's side of any prison in England, or, I grieve +to add, of many workhouses, and judge whether those are monsters +who disgrace our streets, people our hulks and penitentiaries, and +overcrowd our penal colonies, or are creatures whom we have +deliberately suffered to be bred for misery and ruin. + +The American portion of this story is in no other respect a +caricature than as it is an exhibition, for the most part (Mr. +Bevan expected), of a ludicrous side, ONLY, of the American +character--of that side which was, four-and-twenty years ago, +from its nature, the most obtrusive, and the most likely to be +seen by such travellers as Young Martin and Mark Tapley. As I +had never, in writing fiction, had any disposition to soften what +is ridiculous or wrong at home, so I then hoped that the +good-humored people of the United States would not be generally +disposed to quarrel with me for carrying the same usage abroad. +I am happy to believe that my confidence in that great nation was +not misplaced. + +When this book was first published, I was given to understand, by +some authorities, that the Watertoast Association and eloquence +were beyond all bounds of belief. Therefore I record the fact +that all that portion of Martin Chuzzlewit's experiences is a +literal paraphrase of some reports of public proceedings in the +United States (especially of the proceedings of a certain Brandywine +Association), which were printed in the Times Newspaper in June +and July, 1843--at about the time when I was engaged in writing +those parts of the book; and which remain on the file of the Times +Newspaper, of course. + +In all my writings, I hope I have taken every available opportunity +of showing the want of sanitary improvements in the neglected +dwellings of the poor. Mrs. Sarah Gamp was, four-and-twenty years +ago, a fair representation of the hired attendant on the poor in +sickness. The hospitals of London were, in many respects, noble +Institutions; in others, very defective. I think it not the least +among the instances of their mismanagement, that Mrs. Betsey Prig +was a fair specimen of a Hospital Nurse; and that the Hospitals, +with their means and funds, should have left it to private humanity +and enterprise, to enter on an attempt to improve that class of +persons--since, greatly improved through the agency of good women. + + + +POSTSCRIPT + +At a Public Dinner given to me on Saturday the 18th of April, 1868, +in the city of New York, by two hundred representatives of the Press +of the United States of America, I made the following observations, +among others:-- + +"So much of my voice has lately been heard in the land, that I +might have been contented with troubling you no further from my +present standing-point, were it not a duty with which I henceforth +charge myself, not only here but on every suitable occasion, +whatsoever and wheresoever, to express my high and grateful sense +of my second reception in America, and to bear my honest testimony +to the national generosity and magnanimity. Also, to declare how +astounded I have been by the amazing changes I have seen around me +on every side--changes moral, changes physical, changes in the +amount of land subdued and peopled, changes in the rise of vast +new cities, changes in the growth of older cities almost out of +recognition, changes in the graces and amenities of life, changes +in the Press, without whose advancement no advancement can take +place anywhere. Nor am I, believe me, so arrogant as to suppose +that in five-and-twenty years there have been no changes in me, +and that I had nothing to learn and no extreme impressions to +correct when I was here first. And this brings me to a point on +which I have, ever since I landed in the United States last November, +observed a strict silence, though sometimes tempted to break it, +but in reference to which I will, with your good leave, take you +into my confidence now. Even the Press, being human, may be +sometimes mistaken or misinformed, and I rather think that I have +in one or two rare instances observed its information to be not +strictly accurate with reference to myself. Indeed, I have, now +and again, been more surprised by printed news that I have read of +myself, than by any printed news that I have ever read in my present +state of existence. Thus, the vigour and perseverance with which +I have for some months past been collecting materials for, and +hammering away at, a new book on America has much astonished me; +seeing that all that time my declaration has been perfectly well +known to my publishers on both sides of the Atlantic, that no +consideration on earth would induce me to write one. But what +I have intended, what I have resolved upon (and this is the +confidence I seek to place in you), is, on my return to England, +in my own person, in my own Journal, to bear, for the behoof of my +countrymen, such testimony to the gigantic changes in this country +as I have hinted at to-night. Also, to record that wherever I have +been, in the smallest places equally with the largest, I have been +received with unsurpassable politeness, delicacy, sweet temper, +hospitality, consideration, and with unsurpassable respect for +the privacy daily enforced upon me by the nature of my avocation +here and the state of my health. This testimony, so long as I live, +and so long as my descendants have any legal right in my books, +I shall cause to be republished, as an appendix to every copy of +those two books of mine in which I have referred to America. +And this I will do and cause to be done, not in mere love and +thankfulness, but because I regard it as an act of plain justice +and honour." + +I said these words with the greatest earnestness that I could lay +upon them, and I repeat them in print here with equal earnestness. +So long as this book shall last, I hope that they will form a part +of it, and will be fairly read as inseparable from my experiences +and impressions of America. + +CHARLES DICKENS. + +May, 1868. + + + + + +CHAPTER ONE + +INTRODUCTORY, CONCERNING THE PEDIGREE OF THE CHUZZLEWIT FAMILY + + +As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can +possibly sympathize with the Chuzzlewit Family without being first +assured of the extreme antiquity of the race, it is a great +satisfaction to know that it undoubtedly descended in a direct line +from Adam and Eve; and was, in the very earliest times, closely +connected with the agricultural interest. If it should ever be +urged by grudging and malicious persons, that a Chuzzlewit, in any +period of the family history, displayed an overweening amount of +family pride, surely the weakness will be considered not only +pardonable but laudable, when the immense superiority of the house +to the rest of mankind, in respect of this its ancient origin, is +taken into account. + +It is remarkable that as there was, in the oldest family of which we +have any record, a murderer and a vagabond, so we never fail to +meet, in the records of all old families, with innumerable +repetitions of the same phase of character. Indeed, it may be laid +down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, +the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient +days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a +promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the +ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of +this land. + +Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness +to find, that in various periods of our history, the Chuzzlewits +were actively connected with divers slaughterous conspiracies and +bloody frays. It is further recorded of them, that being clad from +head to heel in steel of proof, they did on many occasions lead +their leather-jerkined soldiers to the death with invincible +courage, and afterwards return home gracefully to their relations +and friends. + +There can be no doubt that at least one Chuzzlewit came over with +William the Conqueror. It does not appear that this illustrious +ancestor 'came over' that monarch, to employ the vulgar phrase, at +any subsequent period; inasmuch as the Family do not seem to have +been ever greatly distinguished by the possession of landed estate. +And it is well known that for the bestowal of that kind of property +upon his favourites, the liberality and gratitude of the Norman were +as remarkable as those virtues are usually found to be in great men +when they give away what belongs to other people. + +Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself +upon the enormous amount of bravery, wisdom, eloquence, virtue, +gentle birth, and true nobility, that appears to have come into +England with the Norman Invasion: an amount which the genealogy of +every ancient family lends its aid to swell, and which would beyond +all question have been found to be just as great, and to the full as +prolific in giving birth to long lines of chivalrous descendants, +boastful of their origin, even though William the Conqueror had been +William the Conquered; a change of circumstances which, it is quite +certain, would have made no manner of difference in this respect. + +There was unquestionably a Chuzzlewit in the Gunpowder Plot, if +indeed the arch-traitor, Fawkes himself, were not a scion of this +remarkable stock; as he might easily have been, supposing another +Chuzzlewit to have emigrated to Spain in the previous generation, +and there intermarried with a Spanish lady, by whom he had issue, +one olive-complexioned son. This probable conjecture is +strengthened, if not absolutely confirmed, by a fact which cannot +fail to be interesting to those who are curious in tracing the +progress of hereditary tastes through the lives of their unconscious +inheritors. It is a notable circumstance that in these later times, +many Chuzzlewits, being unsuccessful in other pursuits, have, +without the smallest rational hope of enriching themselves, or any +conceivable reason, set up as coal-merchants; and have, month after +month, continued gloomily to watch a small stock of coals, without +in any one instance negotiating with a purchaser. The remarkable +similarity between this course of proceeding and that adopted by +their Great Ancestor beneath the vaults of the Parliament House at +Westminster, is too obvious and too full of interest, to stand in +need of comment. + +It is also clearly proved by the oral traditions of the Family, that +there existed, at some one period of its history which is not +distinctly stated, a matron of such destructive principles, and so +familiarized to the use and composition of inflammatory and +combustible engines, that she was called 'The Match Maker;' by which +nickname and byword she is recognized in the Family legends to this +day. Surely there can be no reasonable doubt that this was the +Spanish lady, the mother of Chuzzlewit Fawkes. + +But there is one other piece of evidence, bearing immediate +reference to their close connection with this memorable event in +English History, which must carry conviction, even to a mind (if +such a mind there be) remaining unconvinced by these presumptive +proofs. + +There was, within a few years, in the possession of a highly +respectable and in every way credible and unimpeachable member of +the Chuzzlewit Family (for his bitterest enemy never dared to hint +at his being otherwise than a wealthy man), a dark lantern of +undoubted antiquity; rendered still more interesting by being, in +shape and pattern, extremely like such as are in use at the present +day. Now this gentleman, since deceased, was at all times ready to +make oath, and did again and again set forth upon his solemn +asseveration, that he had frequently heard his grandmother say, when +contemplating this venerable relic, 'Aye, aye! This was carried by +my fourth son on the fifth of November, when he was a Guy Fawkes.' +These remarkable words wrought (as well they might) a strong +impression on his mind, and he was in the habit of repeating them +very often. The just interpretation which they bear, and the +conclusion to which they lead, are triumphant and irresistible. The +old lady, naturally strong-minded, was nevertheless frail and +fading; she was notoriously subject to that confusion of ideas, or, +to say the least, of speech, to which age and garrulity are liable. +The slight, the very slight, confusion apparent in these expressions +is manifest, and is ludicrously easy of correction. 'Aye, aye,' +quoth she, and it will be observed that no emendation whatever is +necessary to be made in these two initiative remarks, 'Aye, aye! +This lantern was carried by my forefather'--not fourth son, which is +preposterous--'on the fifth of November. And HE was Guy Fawkes.' +Here we have a remark at once consistent, clear, natural, and in +strict accordance with the character of the speaker. Indeed the +anecdote is so plainly susceptible of this meaning and no other, +that it would be hardly worth recording in its original state, were +it not a proof of what may be (and very often is) affected not only +in historical prose but in imaginative poetry, by the exercise of a +little ingenious labour on the part of a commentator. + +It has been said that there is no instance, in modern times, of a +Chuzzlewit having been found on terms of intimacy with the Great. +But here again the sneering detractors who weave such miserable +figments from their malicious brains, are stricken dumb by evidence. +For letters are yet in the possession of various branches of the +family, from which it distinctly appears, being stated in so many +words, that one Diggory Chuzzlewit was in the habit of perpetually +dining with Duke Humphrey. So constantly was he a guest at that +nobleman's table, indeed; and so unceasingly were His Grace's +hospitality and companionship forced, as it were, upon him; that we +find him uneasy, and full of constraint and reluctance; writing his +friends to the effect that if they fail to do so and so by bearer, +he will have no choice but to dine again with Duke Humphrey; and +expressing himself in a very marked and extraordinary manner as one +surfeited of High Life and Gracious Company. + +It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumour +originated in the same base quarters, that a certain male +Chuzzlewit, whose birth must be admitted to be involved in some +obscurity, was of very mean and low descent. How stands the proof? +When the son of that individual, to whom the secret of his father's +birth was supposed to have been communicated by his father in his +lifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was put to him in a +distinct, solemn, and formal way: 'Toby Chuzzlewit, who was your +grandfather?' To which he, with his last breath, no less distinctly, +solemnly, and formally replied: and his words were taken down at the +time, and signed by six witnesses, each with his name and address in +full: 'The Lord No Zoo.' It may be said--it HAS been said, for human +wickedness has no limits--that there is no Lord of that name, and +that among the titles which have become extinct, none at all +resembling this, in sound even, is to be discovered. But what is +the irresistible inference? Rejecting a theory broached by some +well-meaning but mistaken persons, that this Mr Toby Chuzzlewit's +grandfather, to judge from his name, must surely have been a +Mandarin (which is wholly insupportable, for there is no pretence of +his grandmother ever having been out of this country, or of any +Mandarin having been in it within some years of his father's birth; +except those in the tea-shops, which cannot for a moment be regarded +as having any bearing on the question, one way or other), rejecting +this hypothesis, is it not manifest that Mr Toby Chuzzlewit had +either received the name imperfectly from his father, or that he had +forgotten it, or that he had mispronounced it? and that even at the +recent period in question, the Chuzzlewits were connected by a bend +sinister, or kind of heraldic over-the-left, with some unknown noble +and illustrious House? + +From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is +clearly established that in the comparatively modern days of the +Diggory Chuzzlewit before mentioned, one of its members had attained +to very great wealth and influence. Throughout such fragments of +his correspondence as have escaped the ravages of the moths (who, in +right of their extensive absorption of the contents of deeds and +papers, may be called the general registers of the Insect World), we +find him making constant reference to an uncle, in respect of whom +he would seem to have entertained great expectations, as he was in +the habit of seeking to propitiate his favour by presents of plate, +jewels, books, watches, and other valuable articles. Thus, he +writes on one occasion to his brother in reference to a gravy-spoon, +the brother's property, which he (Diggory) would appear to have +borrowed or otherwise possessed himself of: 'Do not be angry, I have +parted with it--to my uncle.' On another occasion he expresses +himself in a similar manner with regard to a child's mug which had +been entrusted to him to get repaired. On another occasion he says, +'I have bestowed upon that irresistible uncle of mine everything I +ever possessed.' And that he was in the habit of paying long and +constant visits to this gentleman at his mansion, if, indeed, he did +not wholly reside there, is manifest from the following sentence: +'With the exception of the suit of clothes I carry about with me, +the whole of my wearing apparel is at present at my uncle's.' This +gentleman's patronage and influence must have been very extensive, +for his nephew writes, 'His interest is too high'--'It is too much' +--'It is tremendous'--and the like. Still it does not appear (which +is strange) to have procured for him any lucrative post at court or +elsewhere, or to have conferred upon him any other distinction than +that which was necessarily included in the countenance of so great a +man, and the being invited by him to certain entertainment's, so +splendid and costly in their nature, that he calls them 'Golden +Balls.' + +It is needless to multiply instances of the high and lofty station, +and the vast importance of the Chuzzlewits, at different periods. +If it came within the scope of reasonable probability that further +proofs were required, they might be heaped upon each other until +they formed an Alps of testimony, beneath which the boldest +scepticism should be crushed and beaten flat. As a goodly tumulus +is already collected, and decently battened up above the Family +grave, the present chapter is content to leave it as it is: merely +adding, by way of a final spadeful, that many Chuzzlewits, both male +and female, are proved to demonstration, on the faith of letters +written by their own mothers, to have had chiselled noses, +undeniable chins, forms that might have served the sculptor for a +model, exquisitely-turned limbs and polished foreheads of so +transparent a texture that the blue veins might be seen branching +off in various directions, like so many roads on an ethereal map. +This fact in itself, though it had been a solitary one, would have +utterly settled and clenched the business in hand; for it is well +known, on the authority of all the books which treat of such +matters, that every one of these phenomena, but especially that of +the chiselling, are invariably peculiar to, and only make themselves +apparent in, persons of the very best condition. + +This history having, to its own perfect satisfaction, (and, +consequently, to the full contentment of all its readers,) proved +the Chuzzlewits to have had an origin, and to have been at one time +or other of an importance which cannot fail to render them highly +improving and acceptable acquaintance to all right-minded +individuals, may now proceed in earnest with its task. And having +shown that they must have had, by reason of their ancient birth, a +pretty large share in the foundation and increase of the human +family, it will one day become its province to submit, that such of +its members as shall be introduced in these pages, have still many +counterparts and prototypes in the Great World about us. At present +it contents itself with remarking, in a general way, on this head: +Firstly, that it may be safely asserted, and yet without implying +any direct participation in the Manboddo doctrine touching the +probability of the human race having once been monkeys, that men do +play very strange and extraordinary tricks. Secondly, and yet +without trenching on the Blumenbach theory as to the descendants of +Adam having a vast number of qualities which belong more +particularly to swine than to any other class of animals in the +creation, that some men certainly are remarkable for taking uncommon +good care of themselves. + + + +CHAPTER TWO + +WHEREIN CERTAIN PERSONS ARE PRESENTED TO THE READER, WITH WHOM HE +MAY, IF HE PLEASE, BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED + + +It was pretty late in the autumn of the year, when the declining sun +struggling through the mist which had obscured it all day, looked +brightly down upon a little Wiltshire village, within an easy +journey of the fair old town of Salisbury. + +Like a sudden flash of memory or spirit kindling up the mind of an +old man, it shed a glory upon the scene, in which its departed youth +and freshness seemed to live again. The wet grass sparkled in the +light; the scanty patches of verdure in the hedges--where a few +green twigs yet stood together bravely, resisting to the last the +tyranny of nipping winds and early frosts--took heart and brightened +up; the stream which had been dull and sullen all day long, broke +out into a cheerful smile; the birds began to chirp and twitter on +the naked boughs, as though the hopeful creatures half believed that +winter had gone by, and spring had come already. The vane upon the +tapering spire of the old church glistened from its lofty station in +sympathy with the general gladness; and from the ivy-shaded windows +such gleams of light shone back upon the glowing sky, that it seemed +as if the quiet buildings were the hoarding-place of twenty summers, +and all their ruddiness and warmth were stored within. + +Even those tokens of the season which emphatically whispered of the +coming winter, graced the landscape, and, for the moment, tinged its +livelier features with no oppressive air of sadness. The fallen +leaves, with which the ground was strewn, gave forth a pleasant +fragrance, and subduing all harsh sounds of distant feet and wheels +created a repose in gentle unison with the light scattering of seed +hither and thither by the distant husbandman, and with the +noiseless passage of the plough as it turned up the rich brown +earth, and wrought a graceful pattern in the stubbled fields. On +the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like +clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the +fruits were jewels; others stripped of all their garniture, stood, +each the centre of its little heap of bright red leaves, watching +their slow decay; others again, still wearing theirs, had them all +crunched and crackled up, as though they had been burnt; about the +stems of some were piled, in ruddy mounds, the apples they had borne +that year; while others (hardy evergreens this class) showed +somewhat stern and gloomy in their vigour, as charged by nature with +the admonition that it is not to her more sensitive and joyous +favourites she grants the longest term of life. Still athwart their +darker boughs, the sunbeams struck out paths of deeper gold; and the +red light, mantling in among their swarthy branches, used them as +foils to set its brightness off, and aid the lustre of the dying +day. + +A moment, and its glory was no more. The sun went down beneath the +long dark lines of hill and cloud which piled up in the west an airy +city, wall heaped on wall, and battlement on battlement; the light +was all withdrawn; the shining church turned cold and dark; the +stream forgot to smile; the birds were silent; and the gloom of +winter dwelt on everything. + +An evening wind uprose too, and the slighter branches cracked and +rattled as they moved, in skeleton dances, to its moaning music. +The withering leaves no longer quiet, hurried to and fro in search +of shelter from its chill pursuit; the labourer unyoked his horses, +and with head bent down, trudged briskly home beside them; and from +the cottage windows lights began to glance and wink upon the +darkening fields. + +Then the village forge came out in all its bright importance. The +lusty bellows roared Ha ha! to the clear fire, which roared in turn, +and bade the shining sparks dance gayly to the merry clinking of the +hammers on the anvil. The gleaming iron, in its emulation, sparkled +too, and shed its red-hot gems around profusely. The strong smith +and his men dealt such strokes upon their work, as made even the +melancholy night rejoice, and brought a glow into its dark face as +it hovered about the door and windows, peeping curiously in above +the shoulders of a dozen loungers. As to this idle company, there +they stood, spellbound by the place, and, casting now and then a +glance upon the darkness in their rear, settled their lazy elbows +more at ease upon the sill, and leaned a little further in: no more +disposed to tear themselves away than if they had been born to +cluster round the blazing hearth like so many crickets. + +Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round +the merry forge, banging at the wicket, and grumbling in the +chimney, as if it bullied the jolly bellows for doing anything to +order. And what an impotent swaggerer it was too, for all its +noise; for if it had any influence on that hoarse companion, it was +but to make him roar his cheerful song the louder, and by +consequence to make the fire burn the brighter, and the sparks to +dance more gayly yet; at length, they whizzed so madly round and +round, that it was too much for such a surly wind to bear; so off it +flew with a howl giving the old sign before the ale-house door such +a cuff as it went, that the Blue Dragon was more rampant than usual +ever afterwards, and indeed, before Christmas, reared clean out of +its crazy frame. + +It was small tyranny for a respectable wind to go wreaking its +vengeance on such poor creatures as the fallen leaves, but this wind +happening to come up with a great heap of them just after venting +its humour on the insulted Dragon, did so disperse and scatter them +that they fled away, pell-mell, some here, some there, rolling over +each other, whirling round and round upon their thin edges, taking +frantic flights into the air, and playing all manner of +extraordinary gambols in the extremity of their distress. Nor was +this enough for its malicious fury; for not content with driving +them abroad, it charged small parties of them and hunted them into +the wheel wright's saw-pit, and below the planks and timbers in the +yard, and, scattering the sawdust in the air, it looked for them +underneath, and when it did meet with any, whew! how it drove them +on and followed at their heels! + +The scared leaves only flew the faster for all this, and a giddy +chase it was; for they got into unfrequented places, where there was +no outlet, and where their pursuer kept them eddying round and round +at his pleasure; and they crept under the eaves of houses, and clung +tightly to the sides of hay-ricks, like bats; and tore in at open +chamber windows, and cowered close to hedges; and, in short, went +anywhere for safety. But the oddest feat they achieved was, to take +advantage of the sudden opening of Mr Pecksniff's front-door, to +dash wildly into his passage; whither the wind following close upon +them, and finding the back-door open, incontinently blew out the +lighted candle held by Miss Pecksniff, and slammed the front-door +against Mr Pecksniff who was at that moment entering, with such +violence, that in the twinkling of an eye he lay on his back at the +bottom of the steps. Being by this time weary of such trifling +performances, the boisterous rover hurried away rejoicing, roaring +over moor and meadow, hill and flat, until it got out to sea, where +it met with other winds similarly disposed, and made a night of it. + +In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in +the bottom step but one, that sort of knock on the head which lights +up, for the patient's entertainment, an imaginary general +illumination of very bright short-sixes, lay placidly staring at his +own street door. And it would seem to have been more suggestive in +its aspect than street doors usually are; for he continued to lie +there, rather a lengthy and unreasonable time, without so much as +wondering whether he was hurt or no; neither, when Miss Pecksniff +inquired through the key-hole in a shrill voice, which might have +belonged to a wind in its teens, 'Who's there' did he make any +reply; nor, when Miss Pecksniff opened the door again, and shading +the candle with her hand, peered out, and looked provokingly round +him, and about him, and over him, and everywhere but at him, did he +offer any remark, or indicate in any manner the least hint of a +desire to be picked up. + +'I see you,' cried Miss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a +runaway knock. 'You'll catch it, sir!' + +Still Mr Pecksniff, perhaps from having caught it already, said +nothing. + +'You're round the corner now,' cried Miss Pecksniff. She said it at +a venture, but there was appropriate matter in it too; for Mr +Pecksniff, being in the act of extinguishing the candles before +mentioned pretty rapidly, and of reducing the number of brass knobs +on his street door from four or five hundred (which had previously +been juggling of their own accord before his eyes in a very novel +manner) to a dozen or so, might in one sense have been said to be +coming round the corner, and just turning it. + +With a sharply delivered warning relative to the cage and the +constable, and the stocks and the gallows, Miss Pecksniff was about +to close the door again, when Mr Pecksniff (being still at the +bottom of the steps) raised himself on one elbow, and sneezed. + +'That voice!' cried Miss Pecksniff. 'My parent!' + +At this exclamation, another Miss Pecksniff bounced out of the +parlour; and the two Miss Pecksniffs, with many incoherent +expressions, dragged Mr Pecksniff into an upright posture. + +'Pa!' they cried in concert. 'Pa! Speak, Pa! Do not look so wild my +dearest Pa!' + +But as a gentleman's looks, in such a case of all others, are by no +means under his own control, Mr Pecksniff continued to keep his +mouth and his eyes very wide open, and to drop his lower jaw, +somewhat after the manner of a toy nut-cracker; and as his hat had +fallen off, and his face was pale, and his hair erect, and his coat +muddy, the spectacle he presented was so very doleful, that neither +of the Miss Pecksniffs could repress an involuntary screech. + +'That'll do,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I'm better.' + +'He's come to himself!' cried the youngest Miss Pecksniff. + +'He speaks again!' exclaimed the eldest. + +With these joyful words they kissed Mr Pecksniff on either cheek; +and bore him into the house. Presently, the youngest Miss Pecksniff +ran out again to pick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his +umbrella, his gloves, and other small articles; and that done, and +the door closed, both young ladies applied themselves to tending Mr +Pecksniff's wounds in the back parlour. + +They were not very serious in their nature; being limited to +abrasions on what the eldest Miss Pecksniff called 'the knobby +parts' of her parent's anatomy, such as his knees and elbows, and to +the development of an entirely new organ, unknown to phrenologists, +on the back of his head. These injuries having been comforted +externally, with patches of pickled brown paper, and Mr Pecksniff +having been comforted internally, with some stiff brandy-and-water, +the eldest Miss Pecksniff sat down to make the tea, which was all +ready. In the meantime the youngest Miss Pecksniff brought from the +kitchen a smoking dish of ham and eggs, and, setting the same before +her father, took up her station on a low stool at his feet; thereby +bringing her eyes on a level with the teaboard. + +It must not be inferred from this position of humility, that the +youngest Miss Pecksniff was so young as to be, as one may say, +forced to sit upon a stool, by reason of the shortness of her legs. +Miss Pecksniff sat upon a stool because of her simplicity and +innocence, which were very great, very great. Miss Pecksniff sat +upon a stool because she was all girlishness, and playfulness, and +wildness, and kittenish buoyancy. She was the most arch and at the +same time the most artless creature, was the youngest Miss +Pecksniff, that you can possibly imagine. It was her great charm. +She was too fresh and guileless, and too full of child-like +vivacity, was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, to wear combs in her +hair, or to turn it up, or to frizzle it, or braid it. She wore it +in a crop, a loosely flowing crop, which had so many rows of curls +in it, that the top row was only one curl. Moderately buxom was her +shape, and quite womanly too; but sometimes--yes, sometimes--she +even wore a pinafore; and how charming THAT was! Oh! she was indeed +'a gushing thing' (as a young gentleman had observed in verse, in +the Poet's Corner of a provincial newspaper), was the youngest Miss +Pecksniff! + +Mr Pecksniff was a moral man--a grave man, a man of noble sentiments +and speech--and he had had her christened Mercy. Mercy! oh, what a +charming name for such a pure-souled Being as the youngest Miss +Pecksniff! Her sister's name was Charity. There was a good thing! +Mercy and Charity! And Charity, with her fine strong sense and her +mild, yet not reproachful gravity, was so well named, and did so +well set off and illustrate her sister! What a pleasant sight was +that the contrast they presented; to see each loved and loving one +sympathizing with, and devoted to, and leaning on, and yet +correcting and counter-checking, and, as it were, antidoting, the +other! To behold each damsel in her very admiration of her sister, +setting up in business for herself on an entirely different +principle, and announcing no connection with over-the-way, and if the +quality of goods at that establishment don't please you, you are +respectfully invited to favour ME with a call! And the crowning +circumstance of the whole delightful catalogue was, that both the +fair creatures were so utterly unconscious of all this! They had no +idea of it. They no more thought or dreamed of it than Mr Pecksniff +did. Nature played them off against each other; THEY had no hand in +it, the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +It has been remarked that Mr Pecksniff was a moral man. So he was. +Perhaps there never was a more moral man than Mr Pecksniff, +especially in his conversation and correspondence. It was once said +of him by a homely admirer, that he had a Fortunatus's purse of good +sentiments in his inside. In this particular he was like the girl +in the fairy tale, except that if they were not actual diamonds +which fell from his lips, they were the very brightest paste, and +shone prodigiously. He was a most exemplary man; fuller of virtuous +precept than a copy book. Some people likened him to a direction- +post, which is always telling the way to a place, and never goes +there; but these were his enemies, the shadows cast by his +brightness; that was all. His very throat was moral. You saw a +good deal of it. You looked over a very low fence of white cravat +(whereof no man had ever beheld the tie for he fastened it behind), +and there it lay, a valley between two jutting heights of collar, +serene and whiskerless before you. It seemed to say, on the part of +Mr Pecksniff, 'There is no deception, ladies and gentlemen, all is +peace, a holy calm pervades me.' So did his hair, just grizzled with +an iron-grey which was all brushed off his forehead, and stood bolt +upright, or slightly drooped in kindred action with his heavy +eyelids. So did his person, which was sleek though free from +corpulency. So did his manner, which was soft and oily. In a word, +even his plain black suit, and state of widower and dangling double +eye-glass, all tended to the same purpose, and cried aloud, 'Behold +the moral Pecksniff!' + +The brazen plate upon the door (which being Mr Pecksniff's, could +not lie) bore this inscription, 'PECKSNIFF, ARCHITECT,' to which Mr +Pecksniff, on his cards of business, added, AND LAND SURVEYOR.' In +one sense, and only one, he may be said to have been a Land Surveyor +on a pretty large scale, as an extensive prospect lay stretched out +before the windows of his house. Of his architectural doings, +nothing was clearly known, except that he had never designed or +built anything; but it was generally understood that his knowledge +of the science was almost awful in its profundity. + +Mr Pecksniff's professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not +entirely, confined to the reception of pupils; for the collection of +rents, with which pursuit he occasionally varied and relieved his +graver toils, can hardly be said to be a strictly architectural +employment. His genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians, and +pocketing premiums. A young gentleman's premium being paid, and the +young gentleman come to Mr Pecksniff's house, Mr Pecksniff borrowed +his case of mathematical instruments (if silver-mounted or otherwise +valuable); entreated him, from that moment, to consider himself one +of the family; complimented him highly on his parents or guardians, +as the case might be; and turned him loose in a spacious room on the +two-pair front; where, in the company of certain drawing-boards, +parallel rulers, very stiff-legged compasses, and two, or perhaps +three, other young gentlemen, he improved himself, for three or five +years, according to his articles, in making elevations of Salisbury +Cathedral from every possible point of sight; and in constructing in +the air a vast quantity of Castles, Houses of Parliament, and other +Public Buildings. Perhaps in no place in the world were so many +gorgeous edifices of this class erected as under Mr Pecksniff's +auspices; and if but one-twentieth part of the churches which were +built in that front room, with one or other of the Miss Pecksniffs +at the altar in the act of marrying the architect, could only be +made available by the parliamentary commissioners, no more churches +would be wanted for at least five centuries. + +'Even the worldly goods of which we have just disposed,' said Mr +Pecksniff, glancing round the table when he had finished, 'even +cream, sugar, tea, toast, ham--' + +'And eggs,' suggested Charity in a low voice. + +'And eggs,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'even they have their moral. See how +they come and go! Every pleasure is transitory. We can't even eat, +long. If we indulge in harmless fluids, we get the dropsy; if in +exciting liquids, we get drunk. What a soothing reflection is +that!' + +'Don't say WE get drunk, Pa,' urged the eldest Miss Pecksniff. + +'When I say we, my dear,' returned her father, 'I mean mankind in +general; the human race, considered as a body, and not as +individuals. There is nothing personal in morality, my love. Even +such a thing as this,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying the fore-finger of +his left hand upon the brown paper patch on the top of his head, +'slight casual baldness though it be, reminds us that we are but'-- +he was going to say 'worms,' but recollecting that worms were not +remarkable for heads of hair, he substituted 'flesh and blood.' + +'Which,' cried Mr Pecksniff after a pause, during which he seemed to +have been casting about for a new moral, and not quite successfully, +'which is also very soothing. Mercy, my dear, stir the fire and +throw up the cinders.' + +The young lady obeyed, and having done so, resumed her stool, +reposed one arm upon her father's knee, and laid her blooming cheek +upon it. Miss Charity drew her chair nearer the fire, as one +prepared for conversation, and looked towards her father. + +'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a short pause, during which he had +been silently smiling, and shaking his head at the fire--'I have +again been fortunate in the attainment of my object. A new inmate +will very shortly come among us.' + +'A youth, papa?' asked Charity. + +'Ye-es, a youth,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'He will avail himself of the +eligible opportunity which now offers, for uniting the advantages of +the best practical architectural education with the comforts of a +home, and the constant association with some who (however humble +their sphere, and limited their capacity) are not unmindful of their +moral responsibilities.' + +'Oh Pa!' cried Mercy, holding up her finger archly. 'See +advertisement!' + +'Playful--playful warbler,' said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed +in connection with his calling his daughter a 'warbler,' that she was +not at all vocal, but that Mr Pecksniff was in the frequent habit of +using any word that occurred to him as having a good sound, and +rounding a sentence well without much care for its meaning. And he +did this so boldly, and in such an imposing manner, that he would +sometimes stagger the wisest people with his eloquence, and make +them gasp again. + +His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in +sounds and forms was the master-key to Mr Pecksniff's character. + +'Is he handsome, Pa?' inquired the younger daughter. + +'Silly Merry!' said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. 'What +is the premium, Pa? tell us that.' + +'Oh, good gracious, Cherry!' cried Miss Mercy, holding up her hands +with the most winning giggle in the world, 'what a mercenary girl +you are! oh you naughty, thoughtful, prudent thing!' + +It was perfectly charming, and worthy of the Pastoral age, to see +how the two Miss Pecksniffs slapped each other after this, and then +subsided into an embrace expressive of their different dispositions. + +'He is well looking,' said Mr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; +'well looking enough. I do not positively expect any immediate +premium with him.' + +Notwithstanding their different natures, both Charity and Mercy +concurred in opening their eyes uncommonly wide at this +announcement, and in looking for the moment as blank as if their +thoughts had actually had a direct bearing on the main chance. + +'But what of that!' said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. +'There is disinterestedness in the world, I hope? We are not all +arrayed in two opposite ranks; the OFfensive and the DEfensive. +Some few there are who walk between; who help the needy as they go; +and take no part with either side. Umph!' + +There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured +the sisters. They exchanged glances, and brightened very much. + +'Oh! let us not be for ever calculating, devising, and plotting for +the future,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling more and more, and looking +at the fire as a man might, who was cracking a joke with it: 'I am +weary of such arts. If our inclinations are but good and open- +hearted, let us gratify them boldly, though they bring upon us Loss +instead of Profit. Eh, Charity?' + +Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun +these reflections, and seeing that they both smiled, Mr Pecksniff +eyed them for an instant so jocosely (though still with a kind of +saintly waggishness) that the younger one was moved to sit upon his +knee forthwith, put her fair arms round his neck, and kiss him +twenty times. During the whole of this affectionate display she +laughed to a most immoderate extent: in which hilarious indulgence +even the prudent Cherry joined. + +'Tut, tut,' said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latest-born away and +running his fingers through his hair, as he resumed his tranquil +face. 'What folly is this! Let us take heed how we laugh without +reason lest we cry with it. What is the domestic news since +yesterday? John Westlock is gone, I hope?' + +'Indeed, no,' said Charity. + +'And why not?' returned her father. 'His term expired yesterday. +And his box was packed, I know; for I saw it, in the morning, +standing in the hall.' + +'He slept last night at the Dragon,' returned the young lady, 'and +had Mr Pinch to dine with him. They spent the evening together, and +Mr Pinch was not home till very late.' + +'And when I saw him on the stairs this morning, Pa,' said Mercy with +her usual sprightliness, 'he looked, oh goodness, SUCH a monster! +with his face all manner of colours, and his eyes as dull as if they +had been boiled, and his head aching dreadfully, I am sure from the +look of it, and his clothes smelling, oh it's impossible to say how +strong, oh'--here the young lady shuddered--'of smoke and punch.' + +'Now I think,' said Mr Pecksniff with his accustomed gentleness, +though still with the air of one who suffered under injury without +complaint, 'I think Mr Pinch might have done better than choose for +his companion one who, at the close of a long intercourse, had +endeavoured, as he knew, to wound my feelings. I am not quite sure +that this was delicate in Mr Pinch. I am not quite sure that this +was kind in Mr Pinch. I will go further and say, I am not quite +sure that this was even ordinarily grateful in Mr Pinch.' + +'But what can anyone expect from Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with as +strong and scornful an emphasis on the name as if it would have +given her unspeakable pleasure to express it, in an acted charade, +on the calf of that gentleman's leg. + +'Aye, aye,' returned her father, raising his hand mildly: 'it is +very well to say what can we expect from Mr Pinch, but Mr Pinch is a +fellow-creature, my dear; Mr Pinch is an item in the vast total of +humanity, my love; and we have a right, it is our duty, to expect in +Mr Pinch some development of those better qualities, the possession +of which in our own persons inspires our humble self-respect. No,' +continued Mr Pecksniff. 'No! Heaven forbid that I should say, +nothing can be expected from Mr Pinch; or that I should say, nothing +can be expected from any man alive (even the most degraded, which Mr +Pinch is not, no, really); but Mr Pinch has disappointed me; he has +hurt me; I think a little the worse of him on this account, but not +if human nature. Oh, no, no!' + +'Hark!' said Miss Charity, holding up her finger, as a gentle rap +was heard at the street door. 'There is the creature! Now mark my +words, he has come back with John Westlock for his box, and is going +to help him to take it to the mail. Only mark my words, if that +isn't his intention!' + +Even as she spoke, the box appeared to be in progress of conveyance +from the house, but after a brief murmuring of question and answer, +it was put down again, and somebody knocked at the parlour door. + +'Come in!' cried Mr Pecksniff--not severely; only virtuously. 'Come +in!' + +An ungainly, awkward-looking man, extremely short-sighted, and +prematurely bald, availed himself of this permission; and seeing +that Mr Pecksniff sat with his back towards him, gazing at the fire, +stood hesitating, with the door in his hand. He was far from +handsome certainly; and was drest in a snuff-coloured suit, of an +uncouth make at the best, which, being shrunk with long wear, was +twisted and tortured into all kinds of odd shapes; but +notwithstanding his attire, and his clumsy figure, which a great +stoop in his shoulders, and a ludicrous habit he had of thrusting +his head forward, by no means redeemed, one would not have been +disposed (unless Mr Pecksniff said so) to consider him a bad fellow +by any means. He was perhaps about thirty, but he might have been +almost any age between sixteen and sixty; being one of those strange +creatures who never decline into an ancient appearance, but look +their oldest when they are very young, and get it over at once. + +Keeping his hand upon the lock of the door, he glanced from Mr +Pecksniff to Mercy, from Mercy to Charity, and from Charity to Mr +Pecksniff again, several times; but the young ladies being as intent +upon the fire as their father was, and neither of the three taking +any notice of him, he was fain to say, at last, + +'Oh! I beg your pardon, Mr Pecksniff: I beg your pardon for +intruding; but--' + +'No intrusion, Mr Pinch,' said that gentleman very sweetly, but +without looking round. 'Pray be seated, Mr Pinch. Have the +goodness to shut the door, Mr Pinch, if you please.' + +'Certainly, sir,' said Pinch; not doing so, however, but holding it +rather wider open than before, and beckoning nervously to somebody +without: 'Mr Westlock, sir, hearing that you were come home--' + +'Mr Pinch, Mr Pinch!' said Pecksniff, wheeling his chair about, and +looking at him with an aspect of the deepest melancholy, 'I did not +expect this from you. I have not deserved this from you!' + +'No, but upon my word, sir--' urged Pinch. + +'The less you say, Mr Pinch,' interposed the other, 'the better. I +utter no complaint. Make no defence.' + +'No, but do have the goodness, sir,' cried Pinch, with great +earnestness, 'if you please. Mr Westlock, sir, going away for good +and all, wishes to leave none but friends behind him. Mr Westlock +and you, sir, had a little difference the other day; you have had +many little differences.' + +'Little differences!' cried Charity. + +'Little differences!' echoed Mercy. + +'My loves!' said Mr Pecksniff, with the same serene upraising of his +hand; 'My dears!' After a solemn pause he meekly bowed to Mr Pinch, +as who should say, 'Proceed;' but Mr Pinch was so very much at a +loss how to resume, and looked so helplessly at the two Miss +Pecksniffs, that the conversation would most probably have +terminated there, if a good-looking youth, newly arrived at man's +estate, had not stepped forward from the doorway and taken up the +thread of the discourse. + +'Come, Mr Pecksniff,' he said, with a smile, 'don't let there be any +ill-blood between us, pray. I am sorry we have ever differed, and +extremely sorry I have ever given you offence. Bear me no ill-will +at parting, sir.' + +'I bear,' answered Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'no ill-will to any man on +earth.' + +'I told you he didn't,' said Pinch, in an undertone; 'I knew he +didn't! He always says he don't.' + +'Then you will shake hands, sir?' cried Westlock, advancing a step +or two, and bespeaking Mr Pinch's close attention by a glance. + +'Umph!' said Mr Pecksniff, in his most winning tone. + +'You will shake hands, sir.' + +'No, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a calmness quite ethereal; 'no, +I will not shake hands, John. I have forgiven you. I had already +forgiven you, even before you ceased to reproach and taunt me. I +have embraced you in the spirit, John, which is better than shaking +hands.' + +'Pinch,' said the youth, turning towards him, with a hearty disgust +of his late master, 'what did I tell you?' + +Poor Pinch looked down uneasily at Mr Pecksniff, whose eye was fixed +upon him as it had been from the first; and looking up at the +ceiling again, made no reply. + +'As to your forgiveness, Mr Pecksniff,' said the youth, 'I'll not +have it upon such terms. I won't be forgiven.' + +'Won't you, John?' retorted Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. 'You must. +You can't help it. Forgiveness is a high quality; an exalted +virtue; far above YOUR control or influence, John. I WILL forgive +you. You cannot move me to remember any wrong you have ever done +me, John.' + +'Wrong!' cried the other, with all the heat and impetuosity of his +age. 'Here's a pretty fellow! Wrong! Wrong I have done him! He'll +not even remember the five hundred pounds he had with me under false +pretences; or the seventy pounds a year for board and lodging that +would have been dear at seventeen! Here's a martyr!' + +'Money, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is the root of all evil. I +grieve to see that it is already bearing evil fruit in you. But I +will not remember its existence. I will not even remember the +conduct of that misguided person'--and here, although he spoke like +one at peace with all the world, he used an emphasis that plainly +said "I have my eye upon the rascal now"--'that misguided person who +has brought you here to-night, seeking to disturb (it is a happiness +to say, in vain) the heart's repose and peace of one who would have +shed his dearest blood to serve him.' + +The voice of Mr Pecksniff trembled as he spoke, and sobs were heard +from his daughters. Sounds floated on the air, moreover, as if two +spirit voices had exclaimed: one, 'Beast!' the other, 'Savage!' + +'Forgiveness,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'entire and pure forgiveness is +not incompatible with a wounded heart; perchance when the heart is +wounded, it becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung +and grieved to its inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I +am proud and glad to say that I forgive him. Nay! I beg,' cried Mr +Pecksniff, raising his voice, as Pinch appeared about to speak, 'I +beg that individual not to offer a remark; he will truly oblige me +by not uttering one word, just now. I am not sure that I am equal +to the trial. In a very short space of time, I shall have +sufficient fortitude, I trust to converse with him as if these +events had never happened. But not,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning +round again towards the fire, and waving his hand in the direction +of the door, 'not now.' + +'Bah!' cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain the +monosyllable is capable of expressing. 'Ladies, good evening. +Come, Pinch, it's not worth thinking of. I was right and you were +wrong. That's small matter; you'll be wiser another time.' + +So saying, he clapped that dejected companion on the shoulder, +turned upon his heel, and walked out into the passage, whither poor +Mr Pinch, after lingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few +seconds, expressing in his countenance the deepest mental misery and +gloom followed him. Then they took up the box between them, and +sallied out to meet the mail. + +That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at +some distance; towards which point they bent their steps. For some +minutes they walked along in silence, until at length young Westlock +burst into a loud laugh, and at intervals into another, and another. +Still there was no response from his companion. + +'I'll tell you what, Pinch!' he said abruptly, after another +lengthened silence--'You haven't half enough of the devil in you. +Half enough! You haven't any.' + +'Well!' said Pinch with a sigh, 'I don't know, I'm sure. It's +compliment to say so. If I haven't, I suppose, I'm all the better +for it.' + +'All the better!' repeated his companion tartly: 'All the worse, you +mean to say.' + +'And yet,' said Pinch, pursuing his own thoughts and not this last +remark on the part of his friend, 'I must have a good deal of what +you call the devil in me, too, or how could I make Pecksniff so +uncomfortable? I wouldn't have occasioned him so much distress-- +don't laugh, please--for a mine of money; and Heaven knows I could +find good use for it too, John. How grieved he was!' + +'HE grieved!' returned the other. + +'Why didn't you observe that the tears were almost starting out of +his eyes!' cried Pinch. 'Bless my soul, John, is it nothing to see +a man moved to that extent and know one's self to be the cause! And +did you hear him say that he could have shed his blood for me?' + +'Do you WANT any blood shed for you?' returned his friend, with +considerable irritation. 'Does he shed anything for you that you DO +want? Does he shed employment for you, instruction for you, pocket +money for you? Does he shed even legs of mutton for you in any +decent proportion to potatoes and garden stuff?' + +'I am afraid,' said Pinch, sighing again, 'that I am a great eater; +I can't disguise from myself that I'm a great eater. Now, you know +that, John.' + +'You a great eater!' retorted his companion, with no less +indignation than before. 'How do you know you are?' + +There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch +only repeated in an undertone that he had a strong misgiving on the +subject, and that he greatly feared he was. + +'Besides, whether I am or no,' he added, 'that has little or nothing +to do with his thinking me ungrateful. John, there is scarcely a +sin in the world that is in my eyes such a crying one as +ingratitude; and when he taxes me with that, and believes me to be +guilty of it, he makes me miserable and wretched.' + +'Do you think he don't know that?' returned the other scornfully. +'But come, Pinch, before I say anything more to you, just run over +the reasons you have for being grateful to him at all, will you? +Change hands first, for the box is heavy. That'll do. Now, go on.' + +'In the first place,' said Pinch, 'he took me as his pupil for much +less than he asked.' + +'Well,' rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of +generosity. 'What in the second place?' + +'What in the second place?' cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, +'why, everything in the second place. My poor old grandmother died +happy to think that she had put me with such an excellent man. I +have grown up in his house, I am in his confidence, I am his +assistant, he allows me a salary; when his business improves, my +prospects are to improve too. All this, and a great deal more, is +in the second place. And in the very prologue and preface to the +first place, John, you must consider this, which nobody knows better +than I: that I was born for much plainer and poorer things, that I +am not a good hand for his kind of business, and have no talent for +it, or indeed for anything else but odds and ends that are of no use +or service to anybody.' + +He said this with so much earnestness, and in a tone so full of +feeling, that his companion instinctively changed his manner as he +sat down on the box (they had by this time reached the finger-post +at the end of the lane); motioned him to sit down beside him; and +laid his hand upon his shoulder. + +'I believe you are one of the best fellows in the world,' he said, +'Tom Pinch.' + +'Not at all,' rejoined Tom. 'If you only knew Pecksniff as well as +I do, you might say it of him, indeed, and say it truly.' + +'I'll say anything of him, you like,' returned the other, 'and not +another word to his disparagement.' + +'It's for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,' said Pinch, shaking +his head gravely. + +'For whose you please, Tom, so that it does please you. Oh! He's a +famous fellow! HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all your +poor grandmother's hard savings--she was a housekeeper, wasn't she, +Tom?' + +'Yes,' said Mr Pinch, nursing one of his large knees, and nodding +his head; 'a gentleman's housekeeper.' + +'HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all her hard savings; +dazzling her with prospects of your happiness and advancement, which +he knew (and no man better) never would be realised! HE never +speculated and traded on her pride in you, and her having educated +you, and on her desire that you at least should live to be a +gentleman. Not he, Tom!' + +'No,' said Tom, looking into his friend's face, as if he were a +little doubtful of his meaning. 'Of course not.' + +'So I say,' returned the youth, 'of course he never did. HE didn't +take less than he had asked, because that less was all she had, and +more than he expected; not he, Tom! He doesn't keep you as his +assistant because you are of any use to him; because your wonderful +faith in his pretensions is of inestimable service in all his mean +disputes; because your honesty reflects honesty on him; because your +wandering about this little place all your spare hours, reading in +ancient books and foreign tongues, gets noised abroad, even as far +as Salisbury, making of him, Pecksniff the master, a man of learning +and of vast importance. HE gets no credit from you, Tom, not he.' + +'Why, of course he don't,' said Pinch, gazing at his friend with a +more troubled aspect than before. 'Pecksniff get credit from me! +Well!' + +'Don't I say that it's ridiculous,' rejoined the other, 'even to +think of such a thing?' + +'Why, it's madness,' said Tom. + +'Madness!' returned young Westlock. 'Certainly it's madness. Who +but a madman would suppose he cares to hear it said on Sundays, that +the volunteer who plays the organ in the church, and practises on +summer evenings in the dark, is Mr Pecksniff's young man, eh, Tom? +Who but a madman would suppose it is the game of such a man as he, +to have his name in everybody's mouth, connected with the thousand +useless odds and ends you do (and which, of course, he taught you), +eh, Tom? Who but a madman would suppose you advertised him +hereabouts, much cheaper and much better than a chalker on the walls +could, eh, Tom? As well might one suppose that he doesn't on all +occasions pour out his whole heart and soul to you; that he doesn't +make you a very liberal and indeed rather an extravagant allowance; +or, to be more wild and monstrous still, if that be possible, as +well might one suppose,' and here, at every word, he struck him +lightly on the breast, 'that Pecksniff traded in your nature, and +that your nature was to be timid and distrustful of yourself, and +trustful of all other men, but most of all, of him who least +deserves it. There would be madness, Tom!' + +Mr Pinch had listened to all this with looks of bewilderment, which +seemed to be in part occasioned by the matter of his companion's +speech, and in part by his rapid and vehement manner. Now that he +had come to a close, he drew a very long breath; and gazing +wistfully in his face as if he were unable to settle in his own mind +what expression it wore, and were desirous to draw from it as good a +clue to his real meaning as it was possible to obtain in the dark, +was about to answer, when the sound of the mail guard's horn came +cheerily upon their ears, putting an immediate end to the +conference; greatly as it seemed to the satisfaction of the younger +man, who jumped up briskly, and gave his hand to his companion. + +'Both hands, Tom. I shall write to you from London, mind!' + +'Yes,' said Pinch. 'Yes. Do, please. Good-bye. Good-bye. I can +hardly believe you're going. It seems, now, but yesterday that you +came. Good-bye! my dear old fellow!' + +John Westlock returned his parting words with no less heartiness of +manner, and sprung up to his seat upon the roof. Off went the mail +at a canter down the dark road; the lamps gleaming brightly, and the +horn awakening all the echoes, far and wide. + +'Go your ways,' said Pinch, apostrophizing the coach; 'I can hardly +persuade myself but you're alive, and are some great monster who +visits this place at certain intervals, to bear my friends away into +the world. You're more exulting and rampant than usual tonight, I +think; and you may well crow over your prize; for he is a fine lad, +an ingenuous lad, and has but one fault that I know of; he don't +mean it, but he is most cruelly unjust to Pecksniff!' + + + +CHAPTER THREE + +IN WHICH CERTAIN OTHER PERSONS ARE INTRODUCED; ON THE SAME TERMS AS +IN THE LAST CHAPTER + + +Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon +who swung and creaked complainingly before the village alehouse +door. A faded, and an ancient dragon he was; and many a wintry storm +of rain, snow, sleet, and hail, had changed his colour from a gaudy +blue to a faint lack-lustre shade of grey. But there he hung; +rearing, in a state of monstrous imbecility, on his hind legs; +waxing, with every month that passed, so much more dim and +shapeless, that as you gazed at him on one side of the sign-board it +seemed as if he must be gradually melting through it, and coming out +upon the other. + +He was a courteous and considerate dragon, too; or had been in his +distincter days; for in the midst of his rampant feebleness, he kept +one of his forepaws near his nose, as though he would say, 'Don't +mind me--it's only my fun;' while he held out the other in polite +and hospitable entreaty. Indeed it must be conceded to the whole +brood of dragons of modern times, that they have made a great +advance in civilisation and refinement. They no longer demand a +beautiful virgin for breakfast every morning, with as much +regularity as any tame single gentleman expects his hot roll, but +rest content with the society of idle bachelors and roving married +men; and they are now remarkable rather for holding aloof from the +softer sex and discouraging their visits (especially on Saturday +nights), than for rudely insisting on their company without any +reference to their inclinations, as they are known to have done in +days of yore. + +Nor is this tribute to the reclaimed animals in question so wide a +digression into the realms of Natural History as it may, at first +sight, appear to be; for the present business of these pages in with +the dragon who had his retreat in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, and +that courteous animal being already on the carpet, there is nothing +in the way of its immediate transaction. + +For many years, then, he had swung and creaked, and flapped himself +about, before the two windows of the best bedroom of that house of +entertainment to which he lent his name; but never in all his +swinging, creaking, and flapping, had there been such a stir within +its dingy precincts, as on the evening next after that upon which +the incidents, detailed in the last chapter occurred; when there was +such a hurrying up and down stairs of feet, such a glancing of +lights, such a whispering of voices, such a smoking and sputtering +of wood newly lighted in a damp chimney, such an airing of linen, +such a scorching smell of hot warming-pans, such a domestic bustle +and to-do, in short, as never dragon, griffin, unicorn, or other +animal of that species presided over, since they first began to +interest themselves in household affairs. + +An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a +rusty old chariot with post-horses; coming nobody knew whence and +going nobody knew whither; had turned out of the high road, and +driven unexpectedly to the Blue Dragon; and here was the old +gentleman, who had taken this step by reason of his sudden illness +in the carriage, suffering the most horrible cramps and spasms, yet +protesting and vowing in the very midst of his pain, that he +wouldn't have a doctor sent for, and wouldn't take any remedies but +those which the young lady administered from a small medicine-chest, +and wouldn't, in a word, do anything but terrify the landlady out of +her five wits, and obstinately refuse compliance with every +suggestion that was made to him. + +Of all the five hundred proposals for his relief which the good +woman poured out in less than half an hour, he would entertain but +one. That was that he should go to bed. And it was in the +preparation of his bed and the arrangement of his chamber, that all +the stir was made in the room behind the Dragon. + +He was, beyond all question, very ill, and suffered exceedingly; not +the less, perhaps, because he was a strong and vigorous old man, +with a will of iron, and a voice of brass. But neither the +apprehensions which he plainly entertained, at times, for his life, +nor the great pain he underwent, influenced his resolution in the +least degree. He would have no person sent for. The worse he grew, +the more rigid and inflexible he became in his determination. If +they sent for any person to attend him, man, woman, or child, he +would leave the house directly (so he told them), though he quitted +it on foot, and died upon the threshold of the door. + +Now, there being no medical practitioner actually resident in the +village, but a poor apothecary who was also a grocer and general +dealer, the landlady had, upon her own responsibility, sent for him, +in the very first burst and outset of the disaster. Of course it +followed, as a necessary result of his being wanted, that he was not +at home. He had gone some miles away, and was not expected home +until late at night; so the landlady, being by this time pretty well +beside herself, dispatched the same messenger in all haste for Mr +Pecksniff, as a learned man who could bear a deal of responsibility, +and a moral man who could administer a world of comfort to a +troubled mind. That her guest had need of some efficient services +under the latter head was obvious enough from the restless +expressions, importing, however, rather a worldly than a spiritual +anxiety, to which he gave frequent utterance. + +From this last-mentioned secret errand, the messenger returned with +no better news than from the first; Mr Pecksniff was not at home. +However, they got the patient into bed without him; and in the +course of two hours, he gradually became so far better that there +were much longer intervals than at first between his terms of +suffering. By degrees, he ceased to suffer at all; though his +exhaustion was occasionally so great that it suggested hardly less +alarm than his actual endurance had done. + +It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with +great caution, and reaching uneasily out of his nest of pillows, he +endeavoured, with a strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use +of the writing materials which he had ordered to be placed on a +table beside him, that the young lady and the mistress of the Blue +Dragon found themselves sitting side by side before the fire in the +sick chamber. + +The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what +a landlady should be: broad, buxom, comfortable, and good looking, +with a face of clear red and white, which, by its jovial aspect, at +once bore testimony to her hearty participation in the good things +of the larder and cellar, and to their thriving and healthful +influences. She was a widow, but years ago had passed through her +state of weeds, and burst into flower again; and in full bloom she +had continued ever since; and in full bloom she was now; with roses +on her ample skirts, and roses on her bodice, roses in her cap, +roses in her cheeks,--aye, and roses, worth the gathering too, on +her lips, for that matter. She had still a bright black eye, and +jet black hair; was comely, dimpled, plump, and tight as a +gooseberry; and though she was not exactly what the world calls +young, you may make an affidavit, on trust, before any mayor or +magistrate in Christendom, that there are a great many young ladies +in the world (blessings on them one and all!) whom you wouldn't like +half as well, or admire half as much, as the beaming hostess of the +Blue Dragon. + +As this fair matron sat beside the fire, she glanced occasionally +with all the pride of ownership, about the room; which was a large +apartment, such as one may see in country places, with a low roof +and a sunken flooring, all downhill from the door, and a descent of +two steps on the inside so exquisitely unexpected, that strangers, +despite the most elaborate cautioning, usually dived in head first, +as into a plunging-bath. It was none of your frivolous and +preposterously bright bedrooms, where nobody can close an eye with +any kind of propriety or decent regard to the association of ideas; +but it was a good, dull, leaden, drowsy place, where every article +of furniture reminded you that you came there to sleep, and that you +were expected to go to sleep. There was no wakeful reflection of +the fire there, as in your modern chambers, which upon the darkest +nights have a watchful consciousness of French polish; the old +Spanish mahogany winked at it now and then, as a dozing cat or dog +might, nothing more. The very size and shape, and hopeless +immovability of the bedstead, and wardrobe, and in a minor degree of +even the chairs and tables, provoked sleep; they were plainly +apoplectic and disposed to snore. There were no staring portraits +to remonstrate with you for being lazy; no round-eyed birds upon the +curtains, disgustingly wide awake, and insufferably prying. The +thick neutral hangings, and the dark blinds, and the heavy heap of +bed-clothes, were all designed to hold in sleep, and act as +nonconductors to the day and getting up. Even the old stuffed +fox upon the top of the wardrobe was devoid of any spark of +vigilance, for his glass eye had fallen out, and he slumbered +as he stood. + +The wandering attention of the mistress of the Blue Dragon roved to +these things but twice or thrice, and then for but an instant at a +time. It soon deserted them, and even the distant bed with its +strange burden, for the young creature immediately before her, who, +with her downcast eyes intently fixed upon the fire, sat wrapped in +silent meditation. + +She was very young; apparently no more than seventeen; timid and +shrinking in her manner, and yet with a greater share of self +possession and control over her emotions than usually belongs to a +far more advanced period of female life. This she had abundantly +shown, but now, in her tending of the sick gentleman. She was short +in stature; and her figure was slight, as became her years; but all +the charms of youth and maidenhood set it off, and clustered on her +gentle brow. Her face was very pale, in part no doubt from recent +agitation. Her dark brown hair, disordered from the same cause, had +fallen negligently from its bonds, and hung upon her neck; for which +instance of its waywardness no male observer would have had the +heart to blame it. + +Her attire was that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in her +manner, even when she sat as still as she did then, there was an +indefinable something which appeared to be in kindred with her +scrupulously unpretending dress. She had sat, at first looking +anxiously towards the bed; but seeing that the patient remained +quiet, and was busy with his writing, she had softly moved her chair +into its present place; partly, as it seemed, from an instinctive +consciousness that he desired to avoid observation; and partly that +she might, unseen by him, give some vent to the natural feelings she +had hitherto suppressed. + +Of all this, and much more, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon +took as accurate note and observation as only woman can take of +woman. And at length she said, in a voice too low, she knew, to +reach the bed: + +'You have seen the gentleman in this way before, miss? Is he used +to these attacks?' + +'I have seen him very ill before, but not so ill as he has been +tonight.' + +'What a Providence!' said the landlady of the Dragon, 'that you had +the prescriptions and the medicines with you, miss!' + +'They are intended for such an emergency. We never travel without +them.' + +'Oh!' thought the hostess, 'then we are in the habit of travelling, +and of travelling together.' + +She was so conscious of expressing this in her face, that meeting +the young lady's eyes immediately afterwards, and being a very +honest hostess, she was rather confused. + +'The gentleman--your grandpapa'--she resumed, after a short pause, +'being so bent on having no assistance, must terrify you very much, +miss?' + +'I have been very much alarmed to-night. He--he is not my +grandfather.' + +'Father, I should have said,' returned the hostess, sensible of +having made an awkward mistake. + +'Nor my father' said the young lady. 'Nor,' she added, slightly +smiling with a quick perception of what the landlady was going to +add, 'Nor my uncle. We are not related.' + +'Oh dear me!' returned the landlady, still more embarrassed than +before; 'how could I be so very much mistaken; knowing, as anybody +in their proper senses might that when a gentleman is ill, he looks +so much older than he really is? That I should have called you +"Miss," too, ma'am!' But when she had proceeded thus far, she +glanced involuntarily at the third finger of the young lady's left +hand, and faltered again; for there was no ring upon it. + +'When I told you we were not related,' said the other mildly, but +not without confusion on her own part, 'I meant not in any way. Not +even by marriage. Did you call me, Martin?' + +'Call you?' cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly +drawing beneath the coverlet the paper on which he had been writing. +'No.' + +She had moved a pace or two towards the bed, but stopped +immediately, and went no farther. + +'No,' he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. 'Why do you ask me? +If I had called you, what need for such a question?' + +'It was the creaking of the sign outside, sir, I dare say,' observed +the landlady; a suggestion by the way (as she felt a moment after +she had made it), not at all complimentary to the voice of the old +gentleman. + +'No matter what, ma'am,' he rejoined: 'it wasn't I. Why how you +stand there, Mary, as if I had the plague! But they're all afraid of +me,' he added, leaning helplessly backward on his pillow; 'even she! +There is a curse upon me. What else have I to look for?' + +'Oh dear, no. Oh no, I'm sure,' said the good-tempered landlady, +rising, and going towards him. 'Be of better cheer, sir. These are +only sick fancies.' + +'What are only sick fancies?' he retorted. 'What do you know about +fancies? Who told you about fancies? The old story! Fancies!' + +'Only see again there, how you take one up!' said the mistress of +the Blue Dragon, with unimpaired good humour. 'Dear heart alive, +there is no harm in the word, sir, if it is an old one. Folks in +good health have their fancies, too, and strange ones, every day.' + +Harmless as this speech appeared to be, it acted on the traveller's +distrust, like oil on fire. He raised his head up in the bed, and, +fixing on her two dark eyes whose brightness was exaggerated by the +paleness of his hollow cheeks, as they in turn, together with his +straggling locks of long grey hair, were rendered whiter by the +tight black velvet skullcap which he wore, he searched her face +intently. + +'Ah! you begin too soon,' he said, in so low a voice that he seemed +to be thinking it, rather than addressing her. 'But you lose no +time. You do your errand, and you earn your fee. Now, who may be +your client?' + +The landlady looked in great astonishment at her whom he called +Mary, and finding no rejoinder in the drooping face, looked back +again at him. At first she had recoiled involuntarily, supposing +him disordered in his mind; but the slow composure of his manner, +and the settled purpose announced in his strong features, and +gathering, most of all, about his puckered mouth, forbade the +supposition. + +'Come,' he said, 'tell me who is it? Being here, it is not very +hard for me to guess, you may suppose.' + +'Martin,' interposed the young lady, laying her hand upon his arm; +'reflect how short a time we have been in this house, and that even +your name is unknown here.' + +'Unless,' he said, 'you--' He was evidently tempted to express a +suspicion of her having broken his confidence in favour of the +landlady, but either remembering her tender nursing, or being moved +in some sort by her face, he checked himself, and changing his +uneasy posture in the bed, was silent. + +'There!' said Mrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragon was +licensed to furnish entertainment, both to man and beast. 'Now, you +will be well again, sir. You forgot, for the moment, that there +were none but friends here.' + +'Oh!' cried the old man, moaning impatiently, as he tossed one +restless arm upon the coverlet; 'why do you talk to me of friends! +Can you or anybody teach me to know who are my friends, and who my +enemies?' + +'At least,' urged Mrs Lupin, gently, 'this young lady is your +friend, I am sure.' + +'She has no temptation to be otherwise,' cried the old man, like one +whose hope and confidence were utterly exhausted. 'I suppose she +is. Heaven knows. There, let me try to sleep. Leave the candle +where it is.' + +As they retired from the bed, he drew forth the writing which had +occupied him so long, and holding it in the flame of the taper burnt +it to ashes. That done, he extinguished the light, and turning his +face away with a heavy sigh, drew the coverlet about his head, and +lay quite still. + +This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent +with the labour he had devoted to it, and as involving considerable +danger of fire to the Dragon, occasioned Mrs Lupin not a little +consternation. But the young lady evincing no surprise, curiosity, +or alarm, whispered her, with many thanks for her solicitude and +company, that she would remain there some time longer; and that she +begged her not to share her watch, as she was well used to being +alone, and would pass the time in reading. + +Mrs Lupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of +curiosity which is inherited by her sex, and at another time it +might have been difficult so to impress this hint upon her as to +induce her to take it. But now, in sheer wonder and amazement at +these mysteries, she withdrew at once, and repairing straightway to +her own little parlour below stairs, sat down in her easy-chair with +unnatural composure. At this very crisis, a step was heard in the +entry, and Mr Pecksniff, looking sweetly over the half-door of the +bar, and into the vista of snug privacy beyond, murmured: + +'Good evening, Mrs Lupin!' + +'Oh dear me, sir!' she cried, advancing to receive him, 'I am so +very glad you have come.' + +'And I am very glad I have come,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'if I can be of +service. I am very glad I have come. What is the matter, Mrs +Lupin?' + +'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, +sir,' said the tearful hostess. + +'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, +has he?' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'Well, well!' + +Now there was nothing that one may call decidedly original in this +remark, nor can it be exactly said to have contained any wise +precept theretofore unknown to mankind, or to have opened any +hidden source of consolation; but Mr Pecksniff's manner was so +bland, and he nodded his head so soothingly, and showed in +everything such an affable sense of his own excellence, that anybody +would have been, as Mrs Lupin was, comforted by the mere voice and +presence of such a man; and, though he had merely said 'a verb must +agree with its nominative case in number and person, my good +friend,' or 'eight times eight are sixty-four, my worthy soul,' must +have felt deeply grateful to him for his humanity and wisdom. + +'And how,' asked Mr Pecksniff, drawing off his gloves and warming +his hands before the fire, as benevolently as if they were somebody +else's, not his; 'and how is he now?' + +'He is better, and quite tranquil,' answered Mrs Lupin. + +'He is better, and quite tranquil,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very well! +Ve-ry well!' + +Here again, though the statement was Mrs Lupin's and not Mr +Pecksniff's, Mr Pecksniff made it his own and consoled her with it. +It was not much when Mrs Lupin said it, but it was a whole book when +Mr Pecksniff said it. 'I observe,' he seemed to say, 'and through +me, morality in general remarks, that he is better and quite +tranquil.' + +'There must be weighty matters on his mind, though,' said the +hostess, shaking her head, 'for he talks, sir, in the strangest way +you ever heard. He is far from easy in his thoughts, and wants some +proper advice from those whose goodness makes it worth his having.' + +'Then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'he is the sort of customer for me.' But +though he said this in the plainest language, he didn't speak a +word. He only shook his head; disparagingly of himself too. + +'I am afraid, sir,' continued the landlady, first looking round to +assure herself that there was nobody within hearing, and then +looking down upon the floor. 'I am very much afraid, sir, that his +conscience is troubled by his not being related to--or--or even +married to--a very young lady--' + +'Mrs Lupin!' said Mr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something +in his manner as nearly approaching to severity as any expression of +his, mild being that he was, could ever do. 'Person! young person?' + +'A very young person,' said Mrs Lupin, curtseying and blushing; '--I +beg your pardon, sir, but I have been so hurried to-night, that I +don't know what I say--who is with him now.' + +'Who is with him now,' ruminated Mr Pecksniff, warming his back (as +he had warmed his hands) as if it were a widow's back, or an +orphan's back, or an enemy's back, or a back that any less excellent +man would have suffered to be cold. 'Oh dear me, dear me!' + +'At the same time I am bound to say, and I do say with all my +heart,' observed the hostess, earnestly, 'that her looks and manner +almost disarm suspicion.' + +'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' said Mr Pecksniff gravely, 'is very +natural.' + +Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, +that the enemies of this worthy man unblushingly maintained that he +always said of what was very bad, that it was very natural; and that +he unconsciously betrayed his own nature in doing so. + +'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' he repeated, 'is very natural, and I +have no doubt correct. I will wait upon these travellers.' + +With that he took off his great-coat, and having run his fingers +through his hair, thrust one hand gently in the bosom of his waist- +coat and meekly signed to her to lead the way. + +'Shall I knock?' asked Mrs Lupin, when they reached the chamber +door. + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'enter if you please.' + +They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution +for Mr Pecksniff always walked softly. The old gentleman was still +asleep, and his young companion still sat reading by the fire. + +'I am afraid,' said Mr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving +his head a melancholy roll, 'I am afraid that this looks artful. I +am afraid, Mrs Lupin, do you know, that this looks very artful!' + +As he finished this whisper, he advanced before the hostess; and at +the same time the young lady, hearing footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff +glanced at the volume she held, and whispered Mrs Lupin again; if +possible, with increased despondency. + +'Yes, ma'am,' he said, 'it is a good book. I was fearful of that +beforehand. I am apprehensive that this is a very deep thing +indeed!' + +'What gentleman is this?' inquired the object of his virtuous +doubts. + +'Hush! don't trouble yourself, ma'am,' said Mr Pecksniff, as the +landlady was about to answer. 'This young'--in spite of himself he +hesitated when "person" rose to his lips, and substituted another +word: 'this young stranger, Mrs Lupin, will excuse me for replying +briefly, that I reside in this village; it may be in an influential +manner, however, undeserved; and that I have been summoned here by +you. I am here, as I am everywhere, I hope, in sympathy for the +sick and sorry.' + +With these impressive words, Mr Pecksniff passed over to the +bedside, where, after patting the counterpane once or twice in a +very solemn manner, as if by that means he gained a clear insight +into the patient's disorder, he took his seat in a large arm-chair, +and in an attitude of some thoughtfulness and much comfort, waited +for his waking. Whatever objection the young lady urged to Mrs +Lupin went no further, for nothing more was said to Mr Pecksniff, +and Mr Pecksniff said nothing more to anybody else. + +Full half an hour elapsed before the old man stirred, but at length +he turned himself in bed, and, though not yet awake, gave tokens +that his sleep was drawing to an end. By little and little he +removed the bed-clothes from about his head, and turned still more +towards the side where Mr Pecksniff sat. In course of time his eyes +opened; and he lay for a few moments as people newly roused +sometimes will, gazing indolently at his visitor, without any +distinct consciousness of his presence. + +There was nothing remarkable in these proceedings, except the +influence they worked on Mr Pecksniff, which could hardly have been +surpassed by the most marvellous of natural phenomena. Gradually +his hands became tightly clasped upon the elbows of the chair, his +eyes dilated with surprise, his mouth opened, his hair stood more +erect upon his forehead than its custom was, until, at length, when +the old man rose in bed, and stared at him with scarcely less +emotion than he showed himself, the Pecksniff doubts were all +resolved, and he exclaimed aloud: + +'You ARE Martin Chuzzlewit!' + +His consternation of surprise was so genuine, that the old man, with +all the disposition that he clearly entertained to believe it +assumed, was convinced of its reality. + +'I am Martin Chuzzlewit,' he said, bitterly: 'and Martin Chuzzlewit +wishes you had been hanged, before you had come here to disturb him +in his sleep. Why, I dreamed of this fellow!' he said, lying down +again, and turning away his face, 'before I knew that he was near +me!' + +'My good cousin--' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'There! His very first words!' cried the old man, shaking his grey +head to and fro upon the pillow, and throwing up his hands. 'In his +very first words he asserts his relationship! I knew he would; they +all do it! Near or distant, blood or water, it's all one. Ugh! What +a calendar of deceit, and lying, and false-witnessing, the sound of +any word of kindred opens before me!' + +'Pray do not be hasty, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, in a tone +that was at once in the sublimest degree compassionate and +dispassionate; for he had by this time recovered from his surprise, +and was in full possession of his virtuous self. 'You will regret +being hasty, I know you will.' + +'You know!' said Martin, contemptuously. + +'Yes,' retorted Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye, Mr Chuzzlewit; and don't +imagine that I mean to court or flatter you; for nothing is further +from my intention. Neither, sir, need you entertain the least +misgiving that I shall repeat that obnoxious word which has given +you so much offence already. Why should I? What do I expect or +want from you? There is nothing in your possession that I know of, +Mr Chuzzlewit, which is much to be coveted for the happiness it +brings you.' + +'That's true enough,' muttered the old man. + +'Apart from that consideration,' said Mr Pecksniff, watchful of the +effect he made, 'it must be plain to you (I am sure) by this time, +that if I had wished to insinuate myself into your good opinion, I +should have been, of all things, careful not to address you as a +relative; knowing your humour, and being quite certain beforehand +that I could not have a worse letter of recommendation.' + +Martin made not any verbal answer; but he as clearly implied though +only by a motion of his legs beneath the bed-clothes, that there was +reason in this, and that he could not dispute it, as if he had said +as much in good set terms. + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, keeping his hand in his waistcoat as though +he were ready, on the shortest notice, to produce his heart for +Martin Chuzzlewit's inspection, 'I came here to offer my services to +a stranger. I make no offer of them to you, because I know you +would distrust me if I did. But lying on that bed, sir, I regard +you as a stranger, and I have just that amount of interest in you +which I hope I should feel in any stranger, circumstanced as you +are. Beyond that, I am quite as indifferent to you, Mr Chuzzlewit, +as you are to me.' + +Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easy-chair; +so radiant with ingenuous honesty, that Mrs Lupin almost wondered +not to see a stained-glass Glory, such as the Saint wore in the +church, shining about his head. + +A long pause succeeded. The old man, with increased restlessness, +changed his posture several times. Mrs Lupin and the young lady +gazed in silence at the counterpane. Mr Pecksniff toyed +abstractedly with his eye-glass, and kept his eyes shut, that he +might ruminate the better. + +'Eh?' he said at last, opening them suddenly, and looking towards +the bed. 'I beg your pardon. I thought you spoke. Mrs Lupin,' he +continued, slowly rising 'I am not aware that I can be of any +service to you here. The gentleman is better, and you are as good a +nurse as he can have. Eh?' + +This last note of interrogation bore reference to another change of +posture on the old man's part, which brought his face towards Mr +Pecksniff for the first time since he had turned away from him. + +'If you desire to speak to me before I go, sir,' continued that +gentleman, after another pause, 'you may command my leisure; but I +must stipulate, in justice to myself, that you do so as to a +stranger, strictly as to a stranger.' + +Now if Mr Pecksniff knew, from anything Martin Chuzzlewit had +expressed in gestures, that he wanted to speak to him, he could only +have found it out on some such principle as prevails in melodramas, +and in virtue of which the elderly farmer with the comic son always +knows what the dumb girl means when she takes refuge in his garden, +and relates her personal memoirs in incomprehensible pantomime. But +without stopping to make any inquiry on this point, Martin +Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion to withdraw, which she +immediately did, along with the landlady leaving him and Mr +Pecksniff alone together. For some time they looked at each other +in silence; or rather the old man looked at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr +Pecksniff again closing his eyes on all outward objects, took an +inward survey of his own breast. That it amply repaid him for his +trouble, and afforded a delicious and enchanting prospect, was clear +from the expression of his face. + +'You wish me to speak to you as to a total stranger,' said the old +man, 'do you?' + +Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent +turning round of his eyes in their sockets before he opened them, +that he was still reduced to the necessity of entertaining that +desire. + +'You shall be gratified,' said Martin. 'Sir, I am a rich man. Not +so rich as some suppose, perhaps, but yet wealthy. I am not a miser +sir, though even that charge is made against me, as I hear, and +currently believed. I have no pleasure in hoarding. I have no +pleasure in the possession of money, The devil that we call by that +name can give me nothing but unhappiness.' + +It would be no description of Mr Pecksniff's gentleness of manner to +adopt the common parlance, and say that he looked at this moment as +if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He rather looked as if any +quantity of butter might have been made out of him, by churning the +milk of human kindness, as it spouted upwards from his heart. + +'For the same reason that I am not a hoarder of money,' said the old +man, 'I am not lavish of it. Some people find their gratification +in storing it up; and others theirs in parting with it; but I have +no gratification connected with the thing. Pain and bitterness are +the only goods it ever could procure for me. I hate it. It is a +spectre walking before me through the world, and making every social +pleasure hideous.' + +A thought arose in Pecksniff's mind, which must have instantly +mounted to his face, or Martin Chuzzlewit would not have resumed as +quickly and as sternly as he did: + +'You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source +of misery, and transfer it to some one who could bear it better. +Even you, perhaps, would rid me of a burden under which I suffer so +grievously. But, kind stranger,' said the old man, whose every +feature darkened as he spoke, 'good Christian stranger, that is a +main part of my trouble. In other hands, I have known money do +good; in other hands I have known it triumphed in, and boasted of +with reason, as the master-key to all the brazen gates that close +upon the paths to worldly honour, fortune, and enjoyment. To what +man or woman; to what worthy, honest, incorruptible creature; shall +I confide such a talisman, either now or when I die? Do you know +any such person? YOUR virtues are of course inestimable, but can +you tell me of any other living creature who will bear the test of +contact with myself?' + +'Of contact with yourself, sir?' echoed Mr Pecksniff. + +'Aye,' returned the old man, 'the test of contact with me--with me. +You have heard of him whose misery (the gratification of his own +foolish wish) was, that he turned every thing he touched into gold. +The curse of my existence, and the realisation of my own mad desire +is that by the golden standard which I bear about me, I am doomed to +try the metal of all other men, and find it false and hollow.' + +Mr Pecksniff shook his head, and said, 'You think so.' + +'Oh yes,' cried the old man, 'I think so! and in your telling me "I +think so," I recognize the true unworldly ring of YOUR metal. I +tell you, man,' he added, with increasing bitterness, 'that I have +gone, a rich man, among people of all grades and kinds; relatives, +friends, and strangers; among people in whom, when I was poor, I had +confidence, and justly, for they never once deceived me then, or, to +me, wronged each other. But I have never found one nature, no, not +one, in which, being wealthy and alone, I was not forced to detect +the latent corruption that lay hid within it waiting for such as I +to bring it forth. Treachery, deceit, and low design; hatred of +competitors, real or fancied, for my favour; meanness, falsehood, +baseness, and servility; or,' and here he looked closely in his +cousin's eyes, 'or an assumption of honest independence, almost +worse than all; these are the beauties which my wealth has brought +to light. Brother against brother, child against parent, friends +treading on the faces of friends, this is the social company by whom +my way has been attended. There are stories told--they may be true +or false--of rich men who, in the garb of poverty, have found out +virtue and rewarded it. They were dolts and idiots for their pains. +They should have made the search in their own characters. They +should have shown themselves fit objects to be robbed and preyed +upon and plotted against and adulated by any knaves, who, but for +joy, would have spat upon their coffins when they died their dupes; +and then their search would have ended as mine has done, and they +would be what I am.' + +Mr Pecksniff, not at all knowing what it might be best to say in the +momentary pause which ensued upon these remarks, made an elaborate +demonstration of intending to deliver something very oracular +indeed; trusting to the certainty of the old man interrupting him, +before he should utter a word. Nor was he mistaken, for Martin +Chuzzlewit having taken breath, went on to say: + +'Hear me to an end; judge what profit you are like to gain from any +repetition of this visit; and leave me. I have so corrupted and +changed the nature of all those who have ever attended on me, by +breeding avaricious plots and hopes within them; I have engendered +such domestic strife and discord, by tarrying even with members of +my own family; I have been such a lighted torch in peaceful homes, +kindling up all the inflammable gases and vapours in their moral +atmosphere, which, but for me, might have proved harmless to the +end, that I have, I may say, fled from all who knew me, and taking +refuge in secret places have lived, of late, the life of one who is +hunted. The young girl whom you just now saw--what! your eye +lightens when I talk of her! You hate her already, do you?' + +'Upon my word, sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand upon his +breast, and dropping his eyelids. + +'I forgot,' cried the old man, looking at him with a keenness which +the other seemed to feel, although he did not raise his eyes so as +to see it. 'I ask your pardon. I forgot you were a stranger. For +the moment you reminded me of one Pecksniff, a cousin of mine. As I +was saying--the young girl whom you just now saw, is an orphan +child, whom, with one steady purpose, I have bred and educated, or, +if you prefer the word, adopted. For a year or more she has been my +constant companion, and she is my only one. I have taken, as she +knows, a solemn oath never to leave her sixpence when I die, but +while I live I make her an annual allowance; not extravagant in its +amount and yet not stinted. There is a compact between us that no +term of affectionate cajolery shall ever be addressed by either to +the other, but that she shall call me always by my Christian name; I +her, by hers. She is bound to me in life by ties of interest, and +losing by my death, and having no expectation disappointed, will +mourn it, perhaps; though for that I care little. This is the only +kind of friend I have or will have. Judge from such premises what a +profitable hour you have spent in coming here, and leave me, to +return no more.' + +With these words, the old man fell slowly back upon his pillow. Mr +Pecksniff as slowly rose, and, with a prefatory hem, began as +follows: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +'There. Go!' interposed the other. 'Enough of this. I am weary of +you.' + +'I am sorry for that, sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'because I have a +duty to discharge, from which, depend upon it, I shall not shrink. +No, sir, I shall not shrink.' + +It is a lamentable fact, that as Mr Pecksniff stood erect beside the +bed, in all the dignity of Goodness, and addressed him thus, the old +man cast an angry glance towards the candlestick, as if he were +possessed by a strong inclination to launch it at his cousin's head. +But he constrained himself, and pointing with his finger to the +door, informed him that his road lay there. + +'Thank you,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I am aware of that. I am going. +But before I go, I crave your leave to speak, and more than that, Mr +Chuzzlewit, I must and will--yes indeed, I repeat it, must and will +--be heard. I am not surprised, sir, at anything you have told me +tonight. It is natural, very natural, and the greater part of it +was known to me before. I will not say,' continued Mr Pecksniff, +drawing out his pocket-handkerchief, and winking with both eyes at +once, as it were, against his will, 'I will not say that you are +mistaken in me. While you are in your present mood I would not say +so for the world. I almost wish, indeed, that I had a different +nature, that I might repress even this slight confession of +weakness; which I cannot disguise from you; which I feel is +humiliating; but which you will have the goodness to excuse. We +will say, if you please,' added Mr Pecksniff, with great tenderness +of manner, 'that it arises from a cold in the head, or is +attributable to snuff, or smelling-salts, or onions, or anything but +the real cause.' + +Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his +pocket-handkerchief. Then, smiling faintly, and holding the bed +furniture with one hand, he resumed: + +'But, Mr Chuzzlewit, while I am forgetful of myself, I owe it to +myself, and to my character--aye, sir, and I HAVE a character which +is very dear to me, and will be the best inheritance of my two +daughters--to tell you, on behalf of another, that your conduct is +wrong, unnatural, indefensible, monstrous. And I tell you, sir,' +said Mr Pecksniff, towering on tiptoe among the curtains, as if he +were literally rising above all worldly considerations, and were +fain to hold on tight, to keep himself from darting skyward like a +rocket, 'I tell you without fear or favour, that it will not do for +you to be unmindful of your grandson, young Martin, who has the +strongest natural claim upon you. It will not do, sir,' repeated Mr +Pecksniff, shaking his head. 'You may think it will do, but it +won't. You must provide for that young man; you shall provide for +him; you WILL provide for him. I believe,' said Mr Pecksniff, +glancing at the pen-and-ink, 'that in secret you have already done +so. Bless you for doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless +you for hating me. And good night!' + +So saying, Mr Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity, +and once more inserting it in his waistcoat, departed. There was +emotion in his manner, but his step was firm. Subject to human +weaknesses, he was upheld by conscience. + +Martin lay for some time, with an expression on his face of silent +wonder, not unmixed with rage; at length he muttered in a whisper: + +'What does this mean? Can the false-hearted boy have chosen such a +tool as yonder fellow who has just gone out? Why not! He has +conspired against me, like the rest, and they are but birds of one +feather. A new plot; a new plot! Oh self, self, self! At every +turn nothing but self!' + +He fell to trifling, as he ceased to speak, with the ashes of the +burnt paper in the candlestick. He did so, at first, in pure +abstraction, but they presently became the subject of his thoughts. + +'Another will made and destroyed,' he said, 'nothing determined on, +nothing done, and I might have died to-night! I plainly see to what +foul uses all this money will be put at last,' he cried, almost +writhing in the bed; 'after filling me with cares and miseries all +my life, it will perpetuate discord and bad passions when I am dead. +So it always is. What lawsuits grow out of the graves of rich men, +every day; sowing perjury, hatred, and lies among near kindred, +where there should be nothing but love! Heaven help us, we have much +to answer for! Oh self, self, self! Every man for himself, and no +creature for me!' + +Universal self! Was there nothing of its shadow in these +reflections, and in the history of Martin Chuzzlewit, on his own +showing? + + + +CHAPTER FOUR + +FROM WHICH IT WILL APPEAR THAT IF UNION BE STRENGTH, AND FAMILY +AFFECTION BE PLEASANT TO CONTEMPLATE, THE CHUZZLEWITS WERE THE +STRONGEST AND MOST AGREEABLE FAMILY IN THE WORLD + + +That worthy man Mr Pecksniff having taken leave of his cousin in +the solemn terms recited in the last chapter, withdrew to his own +home, and remained there three whole days; not so much as going out +for a walk beyond the boundaries of his own garden, lest he should +be hastily summoned to the bedside of his penitent and remorseful +relative, whom, in his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to +forgive unconditionally, and to love on any terms. But such was the +obstinacy and such the bitter nature of that stern old man, that no +repentant summons came; and the fourth day found Mr Pecksniff +apparently much farther from his Christian object than the first. + +During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all +times and seasons in the day and night, and, returning good for evil +evinced the deepest solicitude in the progress of the obdurate +invalid, in so much that Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his +disinterested anxiety (for he often particularly required her to +take notice that he would do the same by any stranger or pauper in +the like condition), and shed many tears of admiration and delight. + +Meantime, old Martin Chuzzlewit remained shut up in his own chamber, +and saw no person but his young companion, saving the hostess of the +Blue Dragon, who was, at certain times, admitted to his presence. +So surely as she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall +asleep. It was only when he and the young lady were alone, that he +would utter a word, even in answer to the simplest inquiry; though +Mr Pecksniff could make out, by hard listening at the door, that +they two being left together, he was talkative enough. + +It happened on the fourth evening, that Mr Pecksniff walking, as +usual, into the bar of the Dragon and finding no Mrs Lupin there, +went straight upstairs; purposing, in the fervour of his +affectionate zeal, to apply his ear once more to the keyhole, and +quiet his mind by assuring himself that the hard-hearted patient was +going on well. It happened that Mr Pecksniff, coming softly upon +the dark passage into which a spiral ray of light usually darted +through the same keyhole, was astonished to find no such ray +visible; and it happened that Mr Pecksniff, when he had felt his way +to the chamber-door, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by +personal inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused +this keyhole to be stopped on the inside, brought his head into such +violent contact with another head that he could not help uttering in +an audible voice the monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, +sharply unscrewed and jerked out of him by very anguish. It +happened then, and lastly, that Mr Pecksniff found himself +immediately collared by something which smelt like several damp +umbrellas, a barrel of beer, a cask of warm brandy-and-water, and a +small parlour-full of stale tobacco smoke, mixed; and was +straightway led downstairs into the bar from which he had lately +come, where he found himself standing opposite to, and in the grasp +of, a perfectly strange gentleman of still stranger appearance who, +with his disengaged hand, rubbed his own head very hard, and looked +at him, Pecksniff, with an evil countenance. + +The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently +termed shabby-genteel, though in respect of his dress he can hardly +be said to have been in any extremities, as his fingers were a long +way out of his gloves, and the soles of his feet were at an +inconvenient distance from the upper leather of his boots. His +nether garments were of a bluish grey--violent in its colours once, +but sobered now by age and dinginess--and were so stretched and +strained in a tough conflict between his braces and his straps, that +they appeared every moment in danger of flying asunder at the knees. +His coat, in colour blue and of a military cut, was buttoned and +frogged up to his chin. His cravat was, in hue and pattern, like +one of those mantles which hairdressers are accustomed to wrap about +their clients, during the progress of the professional mysteries. +His hat had arrived at such a pass that it would have been hard to +determine whether it was originally white or black. But he wore a +moustache--a shaggy moustache too; nothing in the meek and merciful +way, but quite in the fierce and scornful style; the regular Satanic +sort of thing--and he wore, besides, a vast quantity of unbrushed +hair. He was very dirty and very jaunty; very bold and very mean; +very swaggering and very slinking; very much like a man who might +have been something better, and unspeakably like a man who deserved +to be something worse. + +'You were eaves-dropping at that door, you vagabond!' said this +gentleman. + +Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the +Dragon in that animal's last moments, and said: + +'Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware +that there is a person here who--' + +'Stay!' said the gentleman. 'Wait a bit. She DOES know. What +then?' + +'What then, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'What then? Do you know, +sir, that I am the friend and relative of that sick gentleman? That +I am his protector, his guardian, his--' + +'Not his niece's husband,' interposed the stranger, 'I'll be sworn; +for he was there before you.' + +'What do you mean?' said Mr Pecksniff, with indignant surprise. +'What do you tell me, sir?' + +'Wait a bit!' cried the other, 'Perhaps you are a cousin--the cousin +who lives in this place?' + +'I AM the cousin who lives in this place,' replied the man of worth. + +'Your name is Pecksniff?' said the gentleman. + +'It is.' + +'I am proud to know you, and I ask your pardon,' said the gentleman, +touching his hat, and subsequently diving behind his cravat for a +shirt-collar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the +surface. 'You behold in me, sir, one who has also an interest in +that gentleman upstairs. Wait a bit.' + +As he said this, he touched the tip of his high nose, by way of +intimation that he would let Mr Pecksniff into a secret presently; +and pulling off his hat, began to search inside the crown among a +mass of crumpled documents and small pieces of what may be called +the bark of broken cigars; whence he presently selected the cover of +an old letter, begrimed with dirt and redolent of tobacco. + +'Read that,' he cried, giving it to Mr Pecksniff. + +'This is addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire,' said that gentleman. + +'You know Chevy Slyme, Esquire, I believe?' returned the stranger. + +Mr Pecksniff shrugged his shoulders as though he would say 'I know +there is such a person, and I am sorry for it.' + +'Very good,' remarked the gentleman. 'That is my interest and +business here.' With that he made another dive for his shirt-collar +and brought up a string. + +'Now, this is very distressing, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, +shaking his head and smiling composedly. 'It is very distressing to +me, to be compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to +be. I know Mr Slyme, my friend; this will not do; honesty is the +best policy you had better not; you had indeed.' + +'Stop' cried the gentleman, stretching forth his right arm, which +was so tightly wedged into his threadbare sleeve that it looked like +a cloth sausage. 'Wait a bit!' + +He paused to establish himself immediately in front of the fire with +his back towards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under +his left arm, and smoothing his moustache with his right thumb and +forefinger, he resumed: + +'I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because +it's complimentary. You suppose I would set myself up for Chevy +Slyme. Sir, if there is a man on earth whom a gentleman would feel +proud and honoured to be mistaken for, that man is my friend Slyme. +For he is, without an exception, the highest-minded, the most +independent-spirited, most original, spiritual, classical, talented, +the most thoroughly Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same +time the most disgustingly-unappreciated dog I know. But, sir, I +have not the vanity to attempt to pass for Slyme. Any other man in +the wide world, I am equal to; but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a +great many cuts above me. Therefore you are wrong.' + +'I judged from this,' said Mr Pecksniff, holding out the cover of +the letter. + +'No doubt you did,' returned the gentleman. 'But, Mr Pecksniff, the +whole thing resolves itself into an instance of the peculiarities of +genius. Every man of true genius has his peculiarity. Sir, the +peculiarity of my friend Slyme is, that he is always waiting round +the corner. He is perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round +the corner at this instant. Now,' said the gentleman, shaking his +forefinger before his nose, and planting his legs wider apart as he +looked attentively in Mr Pecksniff's face, 'that is a remarkably +curious and interesting trait in Mr Slyme's character; and whenever +Slyme's life comes to be written, that trait must be thoroughly +worked out by his biographer or society will not be satisfied. +Observe me, society will not be satisfied!' + +Mr Pecksniff coughed. + +'Slyme's biographer, sir, whoever he may be,' resumed the gentleman, +'must apply to me; or, if I am gone to that what's-his-name from +which no thingumbob comes back, he must apply to my executors for +leave to search among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my +poor way, of some of that man's proceedings--my adopted brother, +sir,--which would amaze you. He made use of an expression, sir, +only on the fifteenth of last month when he couldn't meet a little +bill and the other party wouldn't renew, which would have done +honour to Napoleon Bonaparte in addressing the French army.' + +'And pray,' asked Mr Pecksniff, obviously not quite at his ease, +'what may be Mr Slyme's business here, if I may be permitted to +inquire, who am compelled by a regard for my own character to +disavow all interest in his proceedings?' + +'In the first place,' returned the gentleman, 'you will permit me to +say, that I object to that remark, and that I strongly and +indignantly protest against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the +next place, you will give me leave to introduce myself. My name, +sir, is Tigg. The name of Montague Tigg will perhaps be familiar to +you, in connection with the most remarkable events of the Peninsular +War?' + +Mr Pecksniff gently shook his head. + +'No matter,' said the gentleman. 'That man was my father, and I +bear his name. I am consequently proud--proud as Lucifer. Excuse +me one moment. I desire my friend Slyme to be present at the +remainder of this conference.' + +With this announcement he hurried away to the outer door of the Blue +Dragon, and almost immediately returned with a companion shorter +than himself, who was wrapped in an old blue camlet cloak with a +lining of faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and +nipped by long waiting in the cold, and his straggling red whiskers +and frowzy hair being more than usually dishevelled from the same +cause, he certainly looked rather unwholesome and uncomfortable than +Shakspearian or Miltonic. + +'Now,' said Mr Tigg, clapping one hand on the shoulder of his +prepossessing friend, and calling Mr Pecksniff's attention to him +with the other, 'you two are related; and relations never did agree, +and never will; which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable +thing, or there would be none but family parties, and everybody in +the world would bore everybody else to death. If you were on good +terms, I should consider you a most confoundedly unnatural pair; but +standing towards each other as you do, I took upon you as a couple +of devilish deep-thoughted fellows, who may be reasoned with to any +extent.' + +Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to +point towards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged his +friend stealthily with his elbow, and whispered in his ear. + +'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg aloud, in the high tone of one who was not to +be tampered with. 'I shall come to that presently. I act upon my +own responsibility, or not at all. To the extent of such a trifling +loan as a crownpiece to a man of your talents, I look upon Mr +Pecksniff as certain;' and seeing at this juncture that the +expression of Mr Pecksniff's face by no means betokened that he +shared this certainty, Mr Tigg laid his finger on his nose again for +that gentleman's private and especial behoof; calling upon him +thereby to take notice that the requisition of small loans was +another instance of the peculiarities of genius as developed in his +friend Slyme; that he, Tigg, winked at the same, because of the +strong metaphysical interest which these weaknesses possessed; and +that in reference to his own personal advocacy of such small +advances, he merely consulted the humour of his friend, without the +least regard to his own advantage or necessities. + +'Oh, Chiv, Chiv!' added Mr Tigg, surveying his adopted brother with +an air of profound contemplation after dismissing this piece of +pantomime. 'You are, upon my life, a strange instance of the little +frailties that beset a mighty mind. If there had never been a +telescope in the world, I should have been quite certain from my +observation of you, Chiv, that there were spots on the sun! I wish I +may die, if this isn't the queerest state of existence that we find +ourselves forced into without knowing why or wherefore, Mr +Pecksniff! Well, never mind! Moralise as we will, the world goes on. +As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with his club in every +possible direction, but he can't prevent the cats from making a most +intolerable row on the roofs of the houses, or the dogs from being +shot in the hot weather if they run about the streets unmuzzled. +Life's a riddle; a most infernally hard riddle to guess, Mr +Pecksniff. My own opinions, that like that celebrated conundrum, +"Why's a man in jail like a man out of jail?" there's no answer to +it. Upon my soul and body, it's the queerest sort of thing +altogether--but there's no use in talking about it. Ha! Ha!' + +With which consolatory deduction from the gloomy premises recited, +Mr Tigg roused himself by a great effort, and proceeded in his +former strain. + +'Now I'll tell you what it is. I'm a most confoundedly soft-hearted +kind of fellow in my way, and I cannot stand by, and see you two +blades cutting each other's throats when there's nothing to be got +by it. Mr Pecksniff, you're the cousin of the testator upstairs +and we're the nephew--I say we, meaning Chiv. Perhaps in all +essential points you are more nearly related to him than we are. +Very good. If so, so be it. But you can't get at him, neither can +we. I give you my brightest word of honour, sir, that I've been +looking through that keyhole with short intervals of rest, ever +since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation of receiving an +answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly applications for +a little temporary assistance--only fifteen pounds, and MY security +--that the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he is +perpetually closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the +bosom of, a stranger. Now I say decisively with regard to this +state of circumstances, that it won't do; that it won't act; that it +can't be; and that it must not be suffered to continue.' + +'Every man,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'has a right, an undoubted right, +(which I, for one, would not call in question for any earthly +consideration; oh no!) to regulate his own proceedings by his own +likings and dislikings, supposing they are not immoral and not +irreligious. I may feel in my own breast, that Mr Chuzzlewit does +not regard--me, for instance; say me--with exactly that amount of +Christian love which should subsist between us. I may feel grieved +and hurt at the circumstance; still I may not rush to the conclusion +that Mr Chuzzlewit is wholly without a justification in all his +coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr Tigg,' continued +Pecksniff even more gravely and impressively than he had spoken yet, +'how could Mr Chuzzlewit be prevented from having these peculiar and +most extraordinary confidences of which you speak; the existence of +which I must admit; and which I cannot but deplore--for his sake? +Consider, my good sir--' and here Mr Pecksniff eyed him wistfully-- +'how very much at random you are talking.' + +'Why, as to that,' rejoined Tigg, 'it certainly is a difficult +question.' + +'Undoubtedly it is a difficult question,' Mr Pecksniff answered. As +he spoke he drew himself aloft, and seemed to grow more mindful, +suddenly, of the moral gulf between himself and the creature he +addressed. 'Undoubtedly it is a very difficult question. And I am +far from feeling sure that it is a question any one is authorized to +discuss. Good evening to you.' + +'You don't know that the Spottletoes are here, I suppose?' said Mr +Tigg. + +'What do you mean, sir? what Spottletoes?' asked Pecksniff, +stopping abruptly on his way to the door. + +'Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,' said Chevy Slyme, Esquire, speaking aloud +for the first time, and speaking very sulkily; shambling with his +legs the while. 'Spottletoe married my father's brother's child, +didn't he? And Mrs Spottletoe is Chuzzlewit's own niece, isn't she? +She was his favourite once. You may well ask what Spottletoes.' + +'Now upon my sacred word!' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking upwards. +'This is dreadful. The rapacity of these people is absolutely +frightful!' + +'It's not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,' said Slyme, looking at +that gentleman and speaking at Mr Pecksniff. 'Anthony Chuzzlewit +and his son have got wind of it, and have come down this afternoon. +I saw 'em not five minutes ago, when I was waiting round the +corner.' + +'Oh, Mammon, Mammon!' cried Mr Pecksniff, smiting his forehead. + +'So there,' said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, 'are his +brother and another nephew for you, already.' + +'This is the whole thing, sir,' said Mr Tigg; 'this is the point and +purpose at which I was gradually arriving when my friend Slyme here, +with six words, hit it full. Mr Pecksniff, now that your cousin +(and Chiv's uncle) has turned up, some steps must be taken to +prevent his disappearing again; and, if possible, to counteract the +influence which is exercised over him now, by this designing +favourite. Everybody who is interested feels it, sir. The whole +family is pouring down to this place. The time has come when +individual jealousies and interests must be forgotten for a time, +sir, and union must be made against the common enemy. When the +common enemy is routed, you will all set up for yourselves again; +every lady and gentleman who has a part in the game, will go in on +their own account and bowl away, to the best of their ability, at +the testator's wicket, and nobody will be in a worse position than +before. Think of it. Don't commit yourself now. You'll find us at +the Half Moon and Seven Stars in this village, at any time, and open +to any reasonable proposition. Hem! Chiv, my dear fellow, go out +and see what sort of a night it is.' + +Mr Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in +going round the corner. Mr Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as +he could be reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep +them, shook his head at Mr Pecksniff and smiled. + +'We must not be too hard,' he said, 'upon the little eccentricities +of our friend Slyme. You saw him whisper me?' + +Mr Pecksniff had seen him. + +'You heard my answer, I think?' + +Mr Pecksniff had heard it. + +'Five shillings, eh?' said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an +extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!' + +Mr Pecksniff made no answer. + +'Five shillings!' pursued Mr Tigg, musing; 'and to be punctually +repaid next week; that's the best of it. You heard that?' + +Mr Pecksniff had not heard that. + +'No! You surprise me!' cried Tigg. 'That's the cream of the thing +sir. I never knew that man fail to redeem a promise, in my life. +You're not in want of change, are you?' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'thank you. Not at all.' + +'Just so,' returned Mr Tigg. 'If you had been, I'd have got it for +you.' With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not +elapsed when he stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr +Pecksniff, said: + +'Perhaps you'd rather not lend Slyme five shillings?' + +'I would much rather not,' Mr Pecksniff rejoined. + +'Egad!' cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of +objection occurred to him at that moment for the first time, 'it's +very possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort +of objection to lending me five shillings now?' + +'Yes, I couldn't do it, indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Not even half-a-crown, perhaps?' urged Mr Tigg. + +'Not even half-a-crown.' + +'Why, then we come,' said Mr Tigg, 'to the ridiculously small amount +of eighteen pence. Ha! ha!' + +'And that,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'would be equally objectionable.' + +On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both +hands, protesting with much earnestness, that he was one of the most +consistent and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired +the honour of his better acquaintance. He moreover observed that +there were many little characteristics about his friend Slyme, of +which he could by no means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but +that he was prepared to forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and +much more, in consideration of the great pleasure he himself had +that day enjoyed in his social intercourse with Mr Pecksniff, which +had given him a far higher and more enduring delight than the +successful negotiation of any small loan on the part of his friend +could possibly have imparted. With which remarks he would beg +leave, he said, to wish Mr Pecksniff a very good evening. And so he +took himself off; as little abashed by his recent failure as any +gentleman would desire to be. + +The meditations of Mr Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the +Dragon, and that night in his own house, were very serious and grave +indeed; the more especially as the intelligence he had received from +Messrs Tigg and Slyme touching the arrival of other members of the +family, were fully confirmed on more particular inquiry. For the +Spottletoes had actually gone straight to the Dragon, where they +were at that moment housed and mounting guard, and where their +appearance had occasioned such a vast sensation that Mrs Lupin, +scenting their errand before they had been under her roof half an +hour, carried the news herself with all possible secrecy straight to +Mr Pecksniff's house; indeed it was her great caution in doing so +which occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who entered at the +front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from the back one. +Moreover, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were economically +quartered at the Half Moon and Seven Stars, which was an obscure +ale-house; and by the very next coach there came posting to the +scene of action, so many other affectionate members of the family +(who quarrelled with each other, inside and out, all the way down, +to the utter distraction of the coachman), that in less than four- +and-twenty hours the scanty tavern accommodation was at a premium, +and all the private lodgings in the place, amounting to full four +beds and sofa, rose cent per cent in the market. + +In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat +down before the Blue Dragon, and formally invested it; and Martin +Chuzzlewit was in a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; +refusing to receive all letters, messages, and parcels; obstinately +declining to treat with anybody; and holding out no hope or promise +of capitulation. Meantime the family forces were perpetually +encountering each other in divers parts of the neighbourhood; and, +as no one branch of the Chuzzlewit tree had ever been known to agree +with another within the memory of man, there was such a skirmishing, +and flouting, and snapping off of heads, in the metaphorical sense +of that expression; such a bandying of words and calling of names; +such an upturning of noses and wrinkling of brows; such a formal +interment of good feelings and violent resurrection of ancient +grievances; as had never been known in those quiet parts since the +earliest record of their civilized existence. + +At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the +belligerents began to speak to each other in only moderate terms of +mutual aggravation; and nearly all addressed themselves with a show +of tolerable decency to Mr Pecksniff, in recognition of his high +character and influential position. Thus, by little and little, they +made common cause of Martin Chuzzlewit's obduracy, until it was +agreed (if such a word can be used in connection with the +Chuzzlewits) that there should be a general council and conference +held at Mr Pecksniff's house upon a certain day at noon; which all +members of the family who had brought themselves within reach of the +summons, were forthwith bidden and invited, solemnly, to attend. + +If ever Mr Pecksniff wore an apostolic look, he wore it on this +memorable day. If ever his unruffled smile proclaimed the words, 'I +am a messenger of peace!' that was its mission now. If ever man +combined within himself all the mild qualities of the lamb with a +considerable touch of the dove, and not a dash of the crocodile, or +the least possible suggestion of the very mildest seasoning of the +serpent, that man was he. And, oh, the two Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the +serene expression on the face of Charity, which seemed to say, 'I +know that all my family have injured me beyond the possibility of +reparation, but I forgive them, for it is my duty so to do!' And, +oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy; so charming, innocent, and infant- +like, that if she had gone out walking by herself, and it had been a +little earlier in the season, the robin-redbreasts might have +covered her with leaves against her will, believing her to be one of +the sweet children in the wood, come out of it, and issuing forth +once more to look for blackberries in the young freshness of her +heart! What words can paint the Pecksniffs in that trying hour? Oh, +none; for words have naughty company among them, and the Pecksniffs +were all goodness. + +But when the company arrived! That was the time. When Mr Pecksniff, +rising from his seat at the table's head, with a daughter on either +hand, received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to +chairs, with eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with +gracious perspiration, that he may be said to have been in a kind of +moist meekness! And the company; the jealous stony-hearted +distrustful company, who were all shut up in themselves, and had no +faith in anybody, and wouldn't believe anything, and would no more +allow themselves to be softened or lulled asleep by the Pecksniffs +than if they had been so many hedgehogs or porcupines! + +First, there was Mr Spottletoe, who was so bald and had such big +whiskers, that he seemed to have stopped his hair, by the sudden +application of some powerful remedy, in the very act of falling off +his head, and to have fastened it irrevocably on his face. Then +there was Mrs Spottletoe, who being much too slim for her years, and +of a poetical constitution, was accustomed to inform her more +intimate friends that the said whiskers were 'the lodestar of her +existence;' and who could now, by reason of her strong affection for +her uncle Chuzzlewit, and the shock it gave her to be suspected of +testamentary designs upon him, do nothing but cry--except moan. +Then there were Anthony Chuzzlewit, and his son Jonas; the face of +the old man so sharpened by the wariness and cunning of his life, +that it seemed to cut him a passage through the crowded room, as he +edged away behind the remotest chairs; while the son had so well +profited by the precept and example of the father, that he looked a +year or two the elder of the twain, as they stood winking their red +eyes, side by side, and whispering to each other softly. Then there +was the widow of a deceased brother of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, who +being almost supernaturally disagreeable, and having a dreary face +and a bony figure and a masculine voice, was, in right of these +qualities, what is commonly called a strong-minded woman; and who, +if she could, would have established her claim to the title, and +have shown herself, mentally speaking, a perfect Samson, by shutting +up her brother-in-law in a private madhouse, until he proved his +complete sanity by loving her very much. Beside her sat her +spinster daughters, three in number, and of gentlemanly deportment, +who had so mortified themselves with tight stays, that their tempers +were reduced to something less than their waists, and sharp lacing +was expressed in their very noses. Then there was a young +gentleman, grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark and very +hairy, and apparently born for no particular purpose but to save +looking-glasses the trouble of reflecting more than just the first +idea and sketchy notion of a face, which had never been carried out. +Then there was a solitary female cousin who was remarkable for +nothing but being very deaf, and living by herself, and always +having the toothache. Then there was George Chuzzlewit, a gay +bachelor cousin, who claimed to be young but had been younger, and +was inclined to corpulency, and rather overfed himself; to that +extent, indeed, that his eyes were strained in their sockets, as if +with constant surprise; and he had such an obvious disposition to +pimples, that the bright spots on his cravat, the rich pattern on +his waistcoat, and even his glittering trinkets, seemed to have +broken out upon him, and not to have come into existence +comfortably. Last of all there were present Mr Chevy Slyme and his +friend Tigg. And it is worthy of remark, that although each person +present disliked the other, mainly because he or she DID belong to +the family, they one and all concurred in hating Mr Tigg because he +didn't. + +Such was the pleasant little family circle now assembled in Mr +Pecksniff's best parlour, agreeably prepared to fall foul of Mr +Pecksniff or anybody else who might venture to say anything whatever +upon any subject. + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with +folded hands, 'does me good. It does my daughters good. We thank +you for assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole +hearts. It is a blessed distinction that you have conferred upon +us, and believe me'-- it is impossible to conceive how he smiled +here--'we shall not easily forget it.' + +'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,' remarked Mr Spottletoe, +with his whiskers in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming +too much to yourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in +contemplation to confer a distinction upon YOU, sir?' + +A general murmur echoed this inquiry, and applauded it. + +'If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, +sir,' pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat, and giving a violent +rap on the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this +assembly separates, the better. I am no stranger, sir, to your +preposterous desire to be regarded as the head of this family, but I +can tell YOU, sir--' + +Oh yes, indeed! HE tell. HE! What? He was the head, was he? From +the strong-minded woman downwards everybody fell, that instant, upon +Mr Spottletoe, who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence +was fain to sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head +most wrathfully, and giving Mrs Spottletoe to understand in dumb +show, that that scoundrel Pecksniff might go on for the present, but +he would cut in presently, and annihilate him. + +'I am not sorry,' said Mr Pecksniff in resumption of his address, 'I +am really not sorry that this little incident has happened. It is +good to feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good to +know that we have no reserve before each other, but are appearing +freely in our own characters.' + +Here, the eldest daughter of the strong-minded woman rose a little +way from her seat, and trembling violently from head to foot, more +as it seemed with passion than timidity, expressed a general hope +that some people WOULD appear in their own characters, if it were +only for such a proceeding having the attraction of novelty to +recommend it; and that when they (meaning the some people before +mentioned) talked about their relations, they would be careful to +observe who was present in company at the time; otherwise it might +come round to those relations' ears, in a way they little expected; +and as to red noses (she observed) she had yet to learn that a red +nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people neither made nor coloured +their own noses, but had that feature provided for them without +being first consulted; though even upon that branch of the subject +she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than other +noses, or indeed half as red as some. This remark being received +with a shrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity +Pecksniff begged with much politeness to be informed whether any of +those very low observations were levelled at her; and receiving no +more explanatory answer than was conveyed in the adage 'Those the +cap fits, let them wear it,' immediately commenced a somewhat +acrimonious and personal retort, wherein she was much comforted and +abetted by her sister Mercy, who laughed at the same with great +heartiness; indeed far more naturally than life. And it being quite +impossible that any difference of opinion can take place among women +without every woman who is within hearing taking active part in it, +the strong-minded lady and her two daughters, and Mrs Spottletoe, +and the deaf cousin (who was not at all disqualified from joining in +the dispute by reason of being perfectly unacquainted with its +merits), one and all plunged into the quarrel directly. + +The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three Miss +Chuzzlewits, and all five young ladies having, in the figurative +language of the day, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the +altercation would no doubt have been a long one but for the high +valour and prowess of the strong-minded woman, who, in right of her +reputation for powers of sarcasm, did so belabour and pummel Mrs +Spottletoe with taunting words that the poor lady, before the +engagement was two minutes old, had no refuge but in tears. These +she shed so plentifully, and so much to the agitation and grief of +Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman, after holding his clenched fist +close to Mr Pecksniff's eyes, as if it were some natural curiosity +from the near inspection whereof he was likely to derive high +gratification and improvement, and after offering (for no particular +reason that anybody could discover) to kick Mr George Chuzzlewit +for, and in consideration of, the trifling sum of sixpence, took his +wife under his arm and indignantly withdrew. This diversion, by +distracting the attention of the combatants, put an end to the +strife, which, after breaking out afresh some twice or thrice in +certain inconsiderable spurts and dashes, died away in silence. + +It was then that Mr Pecksniff once more rose from his chair. It was +then that the two Miss Pecksniffs composed themselves to look as if +there were no such beings--not to say present, but in the whole +compass of the world--as the three Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three +Miss Chuzzlewits became equally unconscious of the existence of the +two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'It is to be lamented,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a forgiving +recollection of Mr Spottletoe's fist, 'that our friend should have +withdrawn himself so very hastily, though we have cause for mutual +congratulation even in that, since we are assured that he is not +distrustful of us in regard to anything we may say or do while he is +absent. Now, that is very soothing, is it not?' + +'Pecksniff,' said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party +with peculiar keenness from the first--'don't you be a hypocrite.' + +'A what, my good sir?' demanded Mr Pecksniff. + +'A hypocrite.' + +'Charity, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'when I take my chamber +candlestick to-night, remind me to be more than usually particular +in praying for Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit; who has done me an injustice.' + +This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed +to his daughter's private ear. With a cheerfulness of conscience, +prompting almost a sprightly demeanour, he then resumed: + +'All our thoughts centring in our very dear but unkind relative, and +he being as it were beyond our reach, we are met to-day, really as +if we were a funeral party, except--a blessed exception--that there +is no body in the house.' + +The strong-minded lady was not at all sure that this was a blessed +exception. Quite the contrary. + +'Well, my dear madam!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Be that as it may, here +we are; and being here, we are to consider whether it is possible by +any justifiable means--' + +'Why, you know as well as I,' said the strong-minded lady, 'that any +means are justifiable in such a case, don't you?' + +'Very good, my dear madam, very good; whether it is possible by ANY +means, we will say by ANY means, to open the eyes of our valued +relative to his present infatuation. Whether it is possible to make +him acquainted by any means with the real character and purpose of +that young female whose strange, whose very strange position, in +reference to himself'--here Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an +impressive whisper--'really casts a shadow of disgrace and shame +upon this family; and who, we know'--here he raised his voice again +--'else why is she his companion? harbours the very basest designs +upon his weakness and his property.' + +In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing +else, all concurred as one mind. Good Heaven, that she should +harbour designs upon his property! The strong-minded lady was for +poison, her three daughters were for Bridewell and bread-and-water, +the cousin with the toothache advocated Botany Bay, the two Miss +Pecksniffs suggested flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, +notwithstanding his extreme shabbiness, was still understood to be +in some sort a lady's man, in right of his upper lip and his frogs, +indicated a doubt of the justifiable nature of these measures; and +he only ogled the three Miss Chuzzlewits with the least admixture of +banter in his admiration, as though he would observe, 'You are +positively down upon her to too great an extent, my sweet creatures, +upon my soul you are!' + +'Now,' said Mr Pecksniff, crossing his two forefingers in a manner +which was at once conciliatory and argumentative; 'I will not, upon +the one hand, go so far as to say that she deserves all the +inflictions which have been so very forcibly and hilariously +suggested;' one of his ornamental sentences; 'nor will I, upon the +other, on any account compromise my common understanding as a man, +by making the assertion that she does not. What I would observe is, +that I think some practical means might be devised of inducing our +respected, shall I say our revered--?' + +'No!' interposed the strong-minded woman in a loud voice. + +'Then I will not,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You are quite right, my dear +madam, and I appreciate and thank you for your discriminating +objection--our respected relative, to dispose himself to listen to +the promptings of nature, and not to the--' + +'Go on, Pa!' cried Mercy. + +'Why, the truth is, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling upon his +assembled kindred, 'that I am at a loss for a word. The name of +those fabulous animals (pagan, I regret to say) who used to sing in +the water, has quite escaped me.' + +Mr George Chuzzlewit suggested 'swans.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Not swans. Very like swans, too. Thank +you.' + +The nephew with the outline of a countenance, speaking for the first +and last time on that occasion, propounded 'Oysters.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his own peculiar urbanity, 'nor +oysters. But by no means unlike oysters; a very excellent idea; +thank you, my dear sir, very much. Wait! Sirens. Dear me! sirens, +of course. I think, I say, that means might be devised of disposing +our respected relative to listen to the promptings of nature, and +not to the siren-like delusions of art. Now we must not lose sight +of the fact that our esteemed friend has a grandson, to whom he was, +until lately, very much attached, and whom I could have wished to +see here to-day, for I have a real and deep regard for him. A fine +young man. a very fine young man! I would submit to you, whether we +might not remove Mr Chuzzlewit's distrust of us, and vindicate our +own disinterestedness by--' + +'If Mr George Chuzzlewit has anything to say to ME,' interposed the +strong-minded woman, sternly, 'I beg him to speak out like a man; +and not to look at me and my daughters as if he could eat us.' + +'As to looking, I have heard it said, Mrs Ned,' returned Mr George, +angrily, 'that a cat is free to contemplate a monarch; and therefore +I hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, +to look at a person who only came into it by marriage. As to +eating, I beg to say, whatever bitterness your jealousies and +disappointed expectations may suggest to you, that I am not a +cannibal, ma'am.' + +'I don't know that!' cried the strong-minded woman. + +'At all events, if I was a cannibal,' said Mr George Chuzzlewit, +greatly stimulated by this retort, 'I think it would occur to me +that a lady who had outlived three husbands, and suffered so very +little from their loss, must be most uncommonly tough.' + +The strong-minded woman immediately rose. + +'And I will further add,' said Mr George, nodding his head violently +at every second syllable; 'naming no names, and therefore hurting +nobody but those whose consciences tell them they are alluded to, +that I think it would be much more decent and becoming, if those who +hooked and crooked themselves into this family by getting on the +blind side of some of its members before marriage, and +manslaughtering them afterwards by crowing over them to that strong +pitch that they were glad to die, would refrain from acting the part +of vultures in regard to other members of this family who are +living. I think it would be full as well, if not better, if those +individuals would keep at home, contenting themselves with what they +have got (luckily for them) already; instead of hovering about, and +thrusting their fingers into, a family pie, which they flavour much +more than enough, I can tell them, when they are fifty miles away.' + +'I might have been prepared for this!' cried the strong-minded +woman, looking about her with a disdainful smile as she moved +towards the door, followed by her three daughters. 'Indeed I was +fully prepared for it from the first. What else could I expect in +such an atmosphere as this!' + +'Don't direct your halfpay-officers' gaze at me, ma'am, if you +please,' interposed Miss Charity; 'for I won't bear it.' + +This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strong-minded +woman, during her second widowhood and before her last coverture. +It told immensely. + +'I passed from the memory of a grateful country, you very miserable +minx,' said Mrs Ned, 'when I entered this family; and I feel now, +though I did not feel then, that it served me right, and that I lost +my claim upon the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I +so degraded myself. Now, my dears, if you're quite ready, and have +sufficiently improved yourselves by taking to heart the genteel +example of these two young ladies, I think we'll go. Mr Pecksniff, +we are very much obliged to you, really. We came to be entertained, +and you have far surpassed our utmost expectations, in the amusement +you have provided for us. Thank you. Good-bye!' + +With such departing words, did this strong-minded female paralyse +the Pecksniffian energies; and so she swept out of the room, and out +of the house, attended by her daughters, who, as with one accord, +elevated their three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous +titter. As they passed the parlour window on the outside, they were +seen to counterfeit a perfect transport of delight among themselves; +and with this final blow and great discouragement for those within, +they vanished. + +Before Mr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a +remark, another figure passed this window, coming, at a great rate +in the opposite direction; and immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe +burst into the chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he +had gone out a man of snow or ice. His head distilled such oil upon +his whiskers, that they were rich and clogged with unctuous drops; +his face was violently inflamed, his limbs trembled; and he gasped +and strove for breath. + +'My good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'Oh yes!' returned the other; 'oh yes, certainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, +of course! You hear him? You hear him? all of you!' + +'What's the matter?' cried several voices. + +'Oh nothing!' cried Spottletoe, still gasping. 'Nothing at all! +It's of no consequence! Ask him! HE'll tell you!' + +'I do not understand our friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking about +him in utter amazement. 'I assure you that he is quite +unintelligible to me.' + +'Unintelligible, sir!' cried the other. 'Unintelligible! Do you +mean to say, sir, that you don't know what has happened! That you +haven't decoyed us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will +you venture to say that you didn't know Mr Chuzzlewit was going, +sir, and that you don't know he's gone, sir?' + +'Gone!' was the general cry. + +'Gone,' echoed Mr Spottletoe. 'Gone while we were sitting here. +Gone. Nobody knows where he's gone. Oh, of course not! Nobody knew +he was going. Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the +very last moment that they were merely going for a ride; she had no +other suspicion. Oh, of course not! She's not this fellow's +creature. Oh, of course not!' + +Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing +upon the company for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden +silence, the irritated gentleman started off again at the same +tremendous pace, and was seen no more. + +It was in vain for Mr Pecksniff to assure them that this new and +opportune evasion of the family was at least as great a shock and +surprise to him as to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and +denunciations that were ever heaped on one unlucky head, none can +ever have exceeded in energy and heartiness those with which he was +complimented by each of his remaining relatives, singly, upon +bidding him farewell. + +The moral position taken by Mr Tigg was something quite tremendous; +and the deaf cousin, who had the complicated aggravation of seeing +all the proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, +actually scraped her shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards +distributed impressions of them all over the top step, in token that +she shook the dust from her feet before quitting that dissembling +and perfidious mansion. + +Mr Pecksniff had, in short, but one comfort, and that was the +knowledge that all these his relations and friends had hated him to +the very utmost extent before; and that he, for his part, had not +distributed among them any more love than, with his ample capital in +that respect, he could comfortably afford to part with. This view +of his affairs yielded him great consolation; and the fact deserves +to be noted, as showing with what ease a good man may be consoled +under circumstances of failure and disappointment. + + + +CHAPTER FIVE + +CONTAINING A FULL ACCOUNT OF THE INSTALLATION OF MR PECKSNIFF'S +NEW PUPIL INTO THE BOSOM OF MR PECKSNIFF'S FAMILY. WITH ALL THE +FESTIVITIES HELD ON THAT OCCASION, AND THE GREAT ENJOYMENT OF +MR PINCH + + +The best of architects and land surveyors kept a horse, in whom the +enemies already mentioned more than once in these pages pretended to +detect a fanciful resemblance to his master. Not in his outward +person, for he was a raw-boned, haggard horse, always on a much +shorter allowance of corn than Mr Pecksniff; but in his moral +character, wherein, said they, he was full of promise, but of no +performance. He was always in a manner, going to go, and never +going. When at his slowest rate of travelling he would sometimes +lift up his legs so high, and display such mighty action, that it +was difficult to believe he was doing less than fourteen miles an +hour; and he was for ever so perfectly satisfied with his own speed, +and so little disconcerted by opportunities of comparing himself +with the fastest trotters, that the illusion was the more difficult +of resistance. He was a kind of animal who infused into the breasts +of strangers a lively sense of hope, and possessed all those who +knew him better with a grim despair. In what respect, having these +points of character, he might be fairly likened to his master, that +good man's slanderers only can explain. But it is a melancholy +truth, and a deplorable instance of the uncharitableness of the +world, that they made the comparison. + +In this horse, and the hooded vehicle, whatever its proper name +might be, to which he was usually harnessed--it was more like a gig +with a tumour than anything else--all Mr Pinch's thoughts and +wishes centred, one bright frosty morning; for with this gallant +equipage he was about to drive to Salisbury alone, there to meet +with the new pupil, and thence to bring him home in triumph. + +Blessings on thy simple heart, Tom Pinch, how proudly dost thou +button up that scanty coat, called by a sad misnomer, for these many +years, a 'great' one; and how thoroughly, as with thy cheerful voice +thou pleasantly adjurest Sam the hostler 'not to let him go yet,' +dost thou believe that quadruped desires to go, and would go if he +might! Who could repress a smile--of love for thee, Tom Pinch, and +not in jest at thy expense, for thou art poor enough already, Heaven +knows--to think that such a holiday as lies before thee should +awaken that quick flow and hurry of the spirits, in which thou +settest down again, almost untasted, on the kitchen window-sill, +that great white mug (put by, by thy own hands, last night, that +breakfast might not hold thee late), and layest yonder crust upon +the seat beside thee, to be eaten on the road, when thou art calmer +in thy high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a happy, man, and +noddest with a grateful lovingness to Pecksniff in his nightcap at +his chamber-window, would not cry, 'Heaven speed thee, Tom, and send +that thou wert going off for ever to some quiet home where thou +mightst live at peace, and sorrow should not touch thee!' + +What better time for driving, riding, walking, moving through the +air by any means, than a fresh, frosty morning, when hope runs +cheerily through the veins with the brisk blood, and tingles in the +frame from head to foot! This was the glad commencement of a bracing +day in early winter, such as may put the languid summer season +(speaking of it when it can't be had) to the blush, and shame the +spring for being sometimes cold by halves. The sheep-bells rang as +clearly in the vigorous air, as if they felt its wholesome influence +like living creatures; the trees, in lieu of leaves or blossoms, +shed upon the ground a frosty rime that sparkled as it fell, and +might have been the dust of diamonds. So it was to Tom. From +cottage chimneys, smoke went streaming up high, high, as if the +earth had lost its grossness, being so fair, and must not be +oppressed by heavy vapour. The crust of ice on the else rippling +brook was so transparent, and so thin in texture, that the lively +water might of its own free will have stopped--in Tom's glad mind it +had--to look upon the lovely morning. And lest the sun should break +this charm too eagerly, there moved between him and the ground, a +mist like that which waits upon the moon on summer nights--the very +same to Tom--and wooed him to dissolve it gently. + +Tom Pinch went on; not fast, but with a sense of rapid motion, which +did just as well; and as he went, all kinds of things occurred to +keep him happy. Thus when he came within sight of the turnpike, and +was--oh a long way off!--he saw the tollman's wife, who had that +moment checked a waggon, run back into the little house again like +mad, to say (she knew) that Mr Pinch was coming up. And she was +right, for when he drew within hail of the gate, forth rushed the +tollman's children, shrieking in tiny chorus, 'Mr Pinch!' to Tom's +intense delight. The very tollman, though an ugly chap in general, +and one whom folks were rather shy of handling, came out himself to +take the toll, and give him rough good morning; and that with all +this, and a glimpse of the family breakfast on a little round table +before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch had brought away with him +acquired as rich a flavour as though it had been cut from a fairy +loaf. + +But there was more than this. It was not only the married people +and the children who gave Tom Pinch a welcome as he passed. No, no. +Sparkling eyes and snowy breasts came hurriedly to many an upper +casement as he clattered by, and gave him back his greeting: not +stinted either, but sevenfold, good measure. They were all merry. +They all laughed. And some of the wickedest among them even kissed +their hands as Tom looked back. For who minded poor Mr Pinch? +There was no harm in HIM. + +And now the morning grew so fair, and all things were so wide awake +and gay, that the sun seeming to say--Tom had no doubt he said--'I +can't stand it any longer; I must have a look,' streamed out in +radiant majesty. The mist, too shy and gentle for such lusty +company, fled off, quite scared, before it; and as it swept away, +the hills and mounds and distant pasture lands, teeming with placid +sheep and noisy crows, came out as bright as though they were +unrolled bran new for the occasion. In compliment to which +discovery, the brook stood still no longer, but ran briskly off to +bear the tidings to the water-mill, three miles away. + +Mr Pinch was jogging along, full of pleasant thoughts and cheerful +influences, when he saw, upon the path before him, going in the same +direction with himself, a traveller on foot, who walked with a light +quick step, and sang as he went--for certain in a very loud voice, +but not unmusically. He was a young fellow, of some five or six- +and-twenty perhaps, and was dressed in such a free and fly-away +fashion, that the long ends of his loose red neckcloth were +streaming out behind him quite as often as before; and the bunch of +bright winter berries in the buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as +visible to Mr Pinch's rearward observation, as if he had worn that +garment wrong side foremost. He continued to sing with so much +energy, that he did not hear the sound of wheels until it was close +behind him; when he turned a whimsical face and a very merry pair of +blue eyes on Mr Pinch, and checked himself directly. + +'Why, Mark?' said Tom Pinch, stopping. 'Who'd have thought of +seeing you here? Well! this is surprising!' + +Mark touched his hat, and said, with a very sudden decrease of +vivacity, that he was going to Salisbury. + +'And how spruce you are, too!' said Mr Pinch, surveying him with +great pleasure. 'Really, I didn't think you were half such a tight- +made fellow, Mark!' + +'Thankee, Mr Pinch. Pretty well for that, I believe. It's not my +fault, you know. With regard to being spruce, sir, that's where it +is, you see.' And here he looked particularly gloomy. + +'Where what is?' Mr Pinch demanded. + +'Where the aggravation of it is. Any man may be in good spirits and +good temper when he's well dressed. There an't much credit in that. +If I was very ragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I +had gained a point, Mr Pinch.' + +'So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being +well dressed, eh, Mark?' said Pinch. + +'Your conversation's always equal to print, sir,' rejoined Mark, +with a broad grin. 'That was it.' + +'Well!' cried Pinch, 'you are the strangest young man, Mark, I ever +knew in my life. I always thought so; but now I am quite certain of +it. I am going to Salisbury, too. Will you get in? I shall be +very glad of your company.' + +The young fellow made his acknowledgments and accepted the offer; +stepping into the carriage directly, and seating himself on the very +edge of the seat with his body half out of it, to express his being +there on sufferance, and by the politeness of Mr Pinch. As they +went along, the conversation proceeded after this manner. + +'I more than half believed, just now, seeing you so very smart,' +said Pinch, 'that you must be going to be married, Mark.' + +'Well, sir, I've thought of that, too,' he replied. 'There might be +some credit in being jolly with a wife, 'specially if the children +had the measles and that, and was very fractious indeed. But I'm +a'most afraid to try it. I don't see my way clear.' + +'You're not very fond of anybody, perhaps?' said Pinch. + +'Not particular, sir, I think.' + +'But the way would be, you know, Mark, according to your views of +things,' said Mr Pinch, 'to marry somebody you didn't like, and who +was very disagreeable.' + +'So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a +little too far, mightn't it?' + +'Perhaps it might,' said Mr Pinch. At which they both laughed +gayly. + +'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'you don't half know me, though. +I don't believe there ever was a man as could come out so strong +under circumstances that would make other men miserable, as I could, +if I could only get a chance. But I can't get a chance. It's my +opinion that nobody never will know half of what's in me, unless +something very unexpected turns up. And I don't see any prospect of +that. I'm a-going to leave the Dragon, sir.' + +'Going to leave the Dragon!' cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with +great astonishment. 'Why, Mark, you take my breath away!' + +'Yes, sir,' he rejoined, looking straight before him and a long way +off, as men do sometimes when they cogitate profoundly. 'What's the +use of my stopping at the Dragon? It an't at all the sort of place +for ME. When I left London (I'm a Kentish man by birth, though), +and took that situation here, I quite made up my mind that it was +the dullest little out-of-the-way corner in England, and that there +would be some credit in being jolly under such circumstances. But, +Lord, there's no dullness at the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits, +nine-pins, comic songs, choruses, company round the chimney corner +every winter's evening. Any man could be jolly at the Dragon. +There's no credit in THAT.' + +'But if common report be true for once, Mark, as I think it is, +being able to confirm it by what I know myself,' said Mr Pinch, 'you +are the cause of half this merriment, and set it going.' + +'There may be something in that, too, sir,' answered Mark. 'But +that's no consolation.' + +'Well!' said Mr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued +tone being even now more subdued than ever. 'I can hardly think +enough of what you tell me. Why, what will become of Mrs Lupin, +Mark?' + +Mark looked more fixedly before him, and further off still, as he +answered that he didn't suppose it would be much of an object to +her. There were plenty of smart young fellows as would be glad of +the place. He knew a dozen himself. + +'That's probable enough,' said Mr Pinch, 'but I am not at all sure +that Mrs Lupin would be glad of them. Why, I always supposed that +Mrs Lupin and you would make a match of it, Mark; and so did every +one, as far as I know.' + +'I never,' Mark replied, in some confusion, 'said nothing as was in +a direct way courting-like to her, nor she to me, but I don't know +what I mightn't do one of these odd times, and what she mightn't say +in answer. Well, sir, THAT wouldn't suit.' + +'Not to be landlord of the Dragon, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch. + +'No, sir, certainly not,' returned the other, withdrawing his gaze +from the horizon, and looking at his fellow-traveller. 'Why that +would be the ruin of a man like me. I go and sit down comfortably +for life, and no man never finds me out. What would be the credit +of the landlord of the Dragon's being jolly? Why, he couldn't help +it, if he tried.' + +'Does Mrs Lupin know you are going to leave her?' Mr Pinch inquired. + +'I haven't broke it to her yet, sir, but I must. I'm looking out +this morning for something new and suitable,' he said, nodding +towards the city. + +'What kind of thing now?' Mr Pinch demanded. + +'I was thinking,' Mark replied, 'of something in the grave-digging. +way.' + +'Good gracious, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch. + +'It's a good damp, wormy sort of business, sir,' said Mark, shaking +his head argumentatively, 'and there might be some credit in being +jolly, with one's mind in that pursuit, unless grave-diggers is +usually given that way; which would be a drawback. You don't happen +to know how that is in general, do you, sir?' + +'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't indeed. I never thought upon the +subject.' + +'In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you +know,' said Mark, musing again, 'there's other businesses. +Undertaking now. That's gloomy. There might be credit to be gained +there. A broker's man in a poor neighbourhood wouldn't be bad +perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of misery. A doctor's man is in the +very midst of murder. A bailiff's an't a lively office nat'rally. +Even a tax-gatherer must find his feelings rather worked upon, at +times. There's lots of trades in which I should have an +opportunity, I think.' + +Mr Pinch was so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could +do nothing but occasionally exchange a word or two on some +indifferent subject, and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of +his odd friend (who seemed quite unconscious of his observation), +until they reached a certain corner of the road, close upon the +outskirts of the city, when Mark said he would jump down there, if +he pleased. + +'But bless my soul, Mark,' said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of his +observation just then made the discovery that the bosom of his +companion's shirt was as much exposed as if it was Midsummer, and +was ruffled by every breath of air, 'why don't you wear a +waistcoat?' + +'What's the good of one, sir?' asked Mark. + +'Good of one?' said Mr Pinch. 'Why, to keep your chest warm.' + +'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mark, 'you don't know me. My chest +don't want no warming. Even if it did, what would no waistcoat +bring it to? Inflammation of the lungs, perhaps? Well, there'd be +some credit in being jolly, with a inflammation of the lungs.' + +As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in +his breathing very hard, and opening his eyes very wide, and nodding +his head very much, Mark thanked him for his ride, and without +troubling him to stop, jumped lightly down. And away he fluttered, +with his red neckerchief, and his open coat, down a cross-lane; +turning back from time to time to nod to Mr Pinch, and looking one +of the most careless, good-humoured comical fellows in life. His +late companion, with a thoughtful face pursued his way to Salisbury. + +Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate +sort of place; an exceeding wild and dissipated city; and when he +had put up the horse, and given the hostler to understand that he +would look in again in the course of an hour or two to see him take +his corn, he set forth on a stroll about the streets with a vague +and not unpleasant idea that they teemed with all kinds of mystery +and bedevilment. To one of his quiet habits this little delusion +was greatly assisted by the circumstance of its being market-day, +and the thoroughfares about the market-place being filled with +carts, horses, donkeys, baskets, waggons, garden-stuff, meat, tripe, +pies, poultry and huckster's wares of every opposite description and +possible variety of character. Then there were young farmers and +old farmers with smock-frocks, brown great-coats, drab great-coats, +red worsted comforters, leather-leggings, wonderful shaped hats, +hunting-whips, and rough sticks, standing about in groups, or +talking noisily together on the tavern steps, or paying and +receiving huge amounts of greasy wealth, with the assistance of such +bulky pocket-books that when they were in their pockets it was +apoplexy to get them out, and when they were out it was spasms to +get them in again. Also there were farmers' wives in beaver bonnets +and red cloaks, riding shaggy horses purged of all earthly passions, +who went soberly into all manner of places without desiring to know +why, and who, if required, would have stood stock still in a china +shop, with a complete dinner-service at each hoof. Also a great +many dogs, who were strongly interested in the state of the market +and the bargains of their masters; and a great confusion of tongues, +both brute and human. + +Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, and +was particularly struck by the itinerant cutlery, which he +considered of the very keenest kind, insomuch that he purchased a +pocket knife with seven blades in it, and not a cut (as he +afterwards found out) among them. When he had exhausted the market- +place, and watched the farmers safe into the market dinner, he went +back to look after the horse. Having seen him eat unto his heart's +content he issued forth again, to wander round the town and regale +himself with the shop windows; previously taking a long stare at the +bank, and wondering in what direction underground the caverns might +be where they kept the money; and turning to look back at one or two +young men who passed him, whom he knew to be articled to solicitors +in the town; and who had a sort of fearful interest in his eyes, as +jolly dogs who knew a thing or two, and kept it up tremendously. + +But the shops. First of all there were the jewellers' shops, with +all the treasures of the earth displayed therein, and such large +silver watches hanging up in every pane of glass, that if they were +anything but first-rate goers it certainly was not because the works +could decently complain of want of room. In good sooth they were +big enough, and perhaps, as the saying is, ugly enough, to be the +most correct of all mechanical performers; in Mr Pinch's eyes, +however they were smaller than Geneva ware; and when he saw one very +bloated watch announced as a repeater, gifted with the uncommon +power of striking every quarter of an hour inside the pocket of its +happy owner, he almost wished that he were rich enough to buy it. + +But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, +to the bookshops, whence a pleasant smell of paper freshly pressed +came issuing forth, awakening instant recollections of some new +grammar had at school, long time ago, with 'Master Pinch, Grove +House Academy,' inscribed in faultless writing on the fly-leaf! That +whiff of russia leather, too, and all those rows on rows of volumes +neatly ranged within--what happiness did they suggest! And in the +window were the spick-and-span new works from London, with the +title-pages, and sometimes even the first page of the first chapter, +laid wide open; tempting unwary men to begin to read the book, and +then, in the impossibility of turning over, to rush blindly in, and +buy it! Here too were the dainty frontispiece and trim vignette, +pointing like handposts on the outskirts of great cities, to the +rich stock of incident beyond; and store of books, with many a grave +portrait and time-honoured name, whose matter he knew well, and +would have given mines to have, in any form, upon the narrow shell +beside his bed at Mr Pecksniff's. What a heart-breaking shop it +was! + +There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying +shop; where children's books were sold, and where poor Robinson +Crusoe stood alone in his might, with dog and hatchet, goat-skin cap +and fowling-pieces; calmly surveying Philip Quarn and the host of +imitators round him, and calling Mr Pinch to witness that he, of all +the crowd, impressed one solitary footprint on the shore of boyish +memory, whereof the tread of generations should not stir the +lightest grain of sand. And there too were the Persian tales, with +flying chests and students of enchanted books shut up for years in +caverns; and there too was Abudah, the merchant, with the terrible +little old woman hobbling out of the box in his bedroom; and there +the mighty talisman, the rare Arabian Nights, with Cassim Baba, +divided by four, like the ghost of a dreadful sum, hanging up, all +gory, in the robbers' cave. Which matchless wonders, coming fast on +Mr Pinch's mind, did so rub up and chafe that wonderful lamp within +him, that when he turned his face towards the busy street, a crowd +of phantoms waited on his pleasure, and he lived again, with new +delight, the happy days before the Pecksniff era. + +He had less interest now in the chemists' shops, with their great +glowing bottles (with smaller repositories of brightness in their +very stoppers); and in their agreeable compromises between medicine +and perfumery, in the shape of toothsome lozenges and virgin honey. +Neither had he the least regard (but he never had much) for the +tailors', where the newest metropolitan waistcoat patterns were +hanging up, which by some strange transformation always looked +amazing there, and never appeared at all like the same thing +anywhere else. But he stopped to read the playbill at the theatre +and surveyed the doorway with a kind of awe, which was not +diminished when a sallow gentleman with long dark hair came out, and +told a boy to run home to his lodgings and bring down his +broadsword. Mr Pinch stood rooted to the spot on hearing this, and +might have stood there until dark, but that the old cathedral bell +began to ring for vesper service, on which he tore himself away. + +Now, the organist's assistant was a friend of Mr Pinch's, which was +a good thing, for he too was a very quiet gentle soul, and had been, +like Tom, a kind of old-fashioned boy at school, though well liked +by the noisy fellow too. As good luck would have it (Tom always +said he had great good luck) the assistant chanced that very +afternoon to be on duty by himself, with no one in the dusty organ +loft but Tom; so while he played, Tom helped him with the stops; and +finally, the service being just over, Tom took the organ himself. +It was then turning dark, and the yellow light that streamed in +through the ancient windows in the choir was mingled with a murky +red. As the grand tones resounded through the church, they seemed, +to Tom, to find an echo in the depth of every ancient tomb, no less +than in the deep mystery of his own heart. Great thoughts and hopes +came crowding on his mind as the rich music rolled upon the air and +yet among them--something more grave and solemn in their purpose, +but the same--were all the images of that day, down to its very +lightest recollection of childhood. The feeling that the sounds +awakened, in the moment of their existence, seemed to include his +whole life and being; and as the surrounding realities of stone and +wood and glass grew dimmer in the darkness, these visions grew so +much the brighter that Tom might have forgotten the new pupil and +the expectant master, and have sat there pouring out his grateful +heart till midnight, but for a very earthy old verger insisting on +locking up the cathedral forthwith. So he took leave of his friend, +with many thanks, groped his way out, as well as he could, into the +now lamp-lighted streets, and hurried off to get his dinner. + +All the farmers being by this time jogging homewards, there was +nobody in the sanded parlour of the tavern where he had left the +horse; so he had his little table drawn out close before the fire, +and fell to work upon a well-cooked steak and smoking hot potatoes, +with a strong appreciation of their excellence, and a very keen +sense of enjoyment. Beside him, too, there stood a jug of most +stupendous Wiltshire beer; and the effect of the whole was so +transcendent, that he was obliged every now and then to lay down his +knife and fork, rub his hands, and think about it. By the time the +cheese and celery came, Mr Pinch had taken a book out of his pocket, +and could afford to trifle with the viands; now eating a little, now +drinking a little, now reading a little, and now stopping to wonder +what sort of a young man the new pupil would turn out to be. He had +passed from this latter theme and was deep in his book again, when +the door opened, and another guest came in, bringing with him such a +quantity of cold air, that he positively seemed at first to put the +fire out. + +'Very hard frost to-night, sir,' said the newcomer, courteously +acknowledging Mr Pinch's withdrawal of the little table, that he +might have place: 'Don't disturb yourself, I beg.' + +Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr +Pinch's comfort, he dragged one of the great leather-bottomed chairs +to the very centre of the hearth, notwithstanding; and sat down in +front of the fire, with a foot on each hob. + +'My feet are quite numbed. Ah! Bitter cold to be sure.' + +'You have been in the air some considerable time, I dare say?' said +Mr Pinch. + +'All day. Outside a coach, too.' + +'That accounts for his making the room so cool,' thought Mr Pinch. +'Poor fellow! How thoroughly chilled he must be!' + +The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten +minutes looking at the fire in silence. At length he rose and +divested himself of his shawl and great-coat, which (far different +from Mr Pinch's) was a very warm and thick one; but he was not a +whit more conversational out of his great-coat than in it, for he +sat down again in the same place and attitude, and leaning back in +his chair, began to bite his nails. He was young--one-and-twenty, +perhaps--and handsome; with a keen dark eye, and a quickness of look +and manner which made Tom sensible of a great contrast in his own +bearing, and caused him to feel even more shy than usual. + +There was a clock in the room, which the stranger often turned to +look at. Tom made frequent reference to it also; partly from a +nervous sympathy with its taciturn companion; and partly because the +new pupil was to inquire for him at half after six, and the hands +were getting on towards that hour. Whenever the stranger caught him +looking at this clock, a kind of confusion came upon Tom as if he +had been found out in something; and it was a perception of his +uneasiness which caused the younger man to say, perhaps, with a +smile: + +'We both appear to be rather particular about the time. The fact +is, I have an engagement to meet a gentleman here.' + +'So have I,' said Mr Pinch. + +'At half-past six,' said the stranger. + +'At half-past six,' said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the +other looked at him with some surprise. + +'The young gentleman, I expect,' remarked Tom, timidly, 'was to +inquire at that time for a person by the name of Pinch.' + +'Dear me!' cried the other, jumping up. 'And I have been keeping +the fire from you all this while! I had no idea you were Mr Pinch. +I am the Mr Martin for whom you were to inquire. Pray excuse me. +How do you do? Oh, do draw nearer, pray!' + +'Thank you,' said Tom, 'thank you. I am not at all cold, and you +are; and we have a cold ride before us. Well, if you wish it, I +will. I--I am very glad,' said Tom, smiling with an embarrassed +frankness peculiarly his, and which was as plainly a confession of +his own imperfections, and an appeal to the kindness of the person +he addressed, as if he had drawn one up in simple language and +committed it to paper: 'I am very glad indeed that you turn out to +be the party I expected. I was thinking, but a minute ago, that I +could wish him to be like you.' + +'I am very glad to hear it,' returned Martin, shaking hands with him +again; 'for I assure you, I was thinking there could be no such luck +as Mr Pinch's turning out like you.' + +'No, really!' said Tom, with great pleasure. 'Are you serious?' + +'Upon my word I am,' replied his new acquaintance. 'You and I will +get on excellently well, I know; which it's no small relief to me to +feel, for to tell you the truth, I am not at all the sort of fellow +who could get on with everybody, and that's the point on which I had +the greatest doubts. But they're quite relieved now.--Do me the +favour to ring the bell, will you?' + +Mr Pinch rose, and complied with great alacrity--the handle hung +just over Martin's head, as he warmed himself--and listened with a +smiling face to what his friend went on to say. It was: + +'If you like punch, you'll allow me to order a glass apiece, as hot +as it can be made, that we may usher in our friendship in a becoming +manner. To let you into a secret, Mr Pinch, I never was so much in +want of something warm and cheering in my life; but I didn't like to +run the chance of being found drinking it, without knowing what kind +of person you were; for first impressions, you know, often go a long +way, and last a long time.' + +Mr Pinch assented, and the punch was ordered. In due course it +came; hot and strong. After drinking to each other in the steaming +mixture, they became quite confidential. + +'I'm a sort of relation of Pecksniff's, you know,' said the young +man. + +'Indeed!' cried Mr Pinch. + +'Yes. My grandfather is his cousin, so he's kith and kin to me, +somehow, if you can make that out. I can't.' + +'Then Martin is your Christian name?' said Mr Pinch, thoughtfully. +'Oh!' + +'Of course it is,' returned his friend: 'I wish it was my surname +for my own is not a very pretty one, and it takes a long time to +sign Chuzzlewit is my name.' + +'Dear me!' cried Mr Pinch, with an involuntary start. + +'You're not surprised at my having two names, I suppose?' returned +the other, setting his glass to his lips. 'Most people have.' + +'Oh, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'not at all. Oh dear no! Well!' And then +remembering that Mr Pecksniff had privately cautioned him to say +nothing in reference to the old gentleman of the same name who had +lodged at the Dragon, but to reserve all mention of that person for +him, he had no better means of hiding his confusion than by raising +his own glass to his mouth. They looked at each other out of their +respective tumblers for a few seconds, and then put them down empty. + +'I told them in the stable to be ready for us ten minutes ago,' said +Mr Pinch, glancing at the clock again. 'Shall we go?' + +'If you please,' returned the other. + +'Would you like to drive?' said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming +with a consciousness of the splendour of his offer. 'You shall, if +you wish.' + +'Why, that depends, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, laughing, 'upon what +sort of a horse you have. Because if he's a bad one, I would rather +keep my hands warm by holding them comfortably in my greatcoat +pockets.' + +He appeared to think this such a good joke, that Mr Pinch was quite +sure it must be a capital one. Accordingly, he laughed too, and was +fully persuaded that he enjoyed it very much. Then he settled his +bill, and Mr Chuzzlewit paid for the punch; and having wrapped +themselves up, to the extent of their respective means, they went +out together to the front door, where Mr Pecksniff's property +stopped the way. + +'I won't drive, thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, getting into the +sitter's place. 'By the bye, there's a box of mine. Can we manage +to take it?' + +'Oh, certainly,' said Tom. 'Put it in, Dick, anywhere!' + +It was not precisely of that convenient size which would admit of +its being squeezed into any odd corner, but Dick the hostler got it +in somehow, and Mr Chuzzlewit helped him. It was all on Mr Pinch's +side, and Mr Chuzzlewit said he was very much afraid it would +encumber him; to which Tom said, 'Not at all;' though it forced him +into such an awkward position, that he had much ado to see anything +but his own knees. But it is an ill wind that blows nobody any +good; and the wisdom of the saying was verified in this instance; +for the cold air came from Mr Pinch's side of the carriage, and by +interposing a perfect wall of box and man between it and the new +pupil, he shielded that young gentleman effectually; which was a +great comfort. + +It was a clear evening, with a bright moon. The whole landscape was +silvered by its light and by the hoar-frost; and everything looked +exquisitely beautiful. At first, the great serenity and peace +through which they travelled, disposed them both to silence; but in +a very short time the punch within them and the healthful air +without, made them loquacious, and they talked incessantly. When +they were halfway home, and stopped to give the horse some water, +Martin (who was very generous with his money) ordered another glass +of punch, which they drank between them, and which had not the +effect of making them less conversational than before. Their +principal topic of discourse was naturally Mr Pecksniff and his +family; of whom, and of the great obligations they had heaped upon +him, Tom Pinch, with the tears standing in his eyes, drew such a +picture as would have inclined any one of common feeling almost to +revere them; and of which Mr Pecksniff had not the slightest +foresight or preconceived idea, or he certainly (being very humble) +would not have sent Tom Pinch to bring the pupil home. + +In this way they went on, and on, and on--in the language of the +story-books--until at last the village lights appeared before them, +and the church spire cast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; +as if it were a dial (alas, the truest in the world!) marking, +whatever light shone out of Heaven, the flight of days and weeks and +years, by some new shadow on that solemn ground. + +'A pretty church!' said Martin, observing that his companion +slackened the slack pace of the horse, as they approached. + +'Is it not?' cried Tom, with great pride. 'There's the sweetest +little organ there you ever heard. I play it for them.' + +'Indeed?' said Martin. 'It is hardly worth the trouble, I should +think. What do you get for that, now?' + +'Nothing,' answered Tom. + +'Well,' returned his friend, 'you ARE a very strange fellow!' + +To which remark there succeeded a brief silence. + +'When I say nothing,' observed Mr Pinch, cheerfully, 'I am wrong, +and don't say what I mean, because I get a great deal of pleasure +from it, and the means of passing some of the happiest hours I know. +It led to something else the other day; but you will not care to +hear about that I dare say?' + +'Oh yes I shall. What?' + +'It led to my seeing,' said Tom, in a lower voice, 'one of the +loveliest and most beautiful faces you can possibly picture to +yourself.' + +'And yet I am able to picture a beautiful one,' said his friend, +thoughtfully, 'or should be, if I have any memory.' + +'She came' said Tom, laying his hand upon the other's arm, 'for the +first time very early in the morning, when it was hardly light; and +when I saw her, over my shoulder, standing just within the porch, I +turned quite cold, almost believing her to be a spirit. A moment's +reflection got the better of that, of course, and fortunately it +came to my relief so soon, that I didn't leave off playing.' + +'Why fortunately?' + +'Why? Because she stood there, listening. I had my spectacles on, +and saw her through the chinks in the curtains as plainly as I see +you; and she was beautiful. After a while she glided off, and I +continued to play until she was out of hearing.' + +'Why did you do that?' + +'Don't you see?' responded Tom. 'Because she might suppose I hadn't +seen her; and might return.' + +'And did she?' + +'Certainly she did. Next morning, and next evening too; but always +when there were no people about, and always alone. I rose earlier +and sat there later, that when she came, she might find the church +door open, and the organ playing, and might not be disappointed. +She strolled that way for some days, and always stayed to listen. +But she is gone now, and of all unlikely things in this wide world, +it is perhaps the most improbable that I shall ever look upon her +face again.' + +'You don't know anything more about her?' + +'No.' + +'And you never followed her when she went away?' + +'Why should I distress her by doing that?' said Tom Pinch. 'Is it +likely that she wanted my company? She came to hear the organ, not +to see me; and would you have had me scare her from a place she +seemed to grow quite fond of? Now, Heaven bless her!' cried Tom, +'to have given her but a minute's pleasure every day, I would have +gone on playing the organ at those times until I was an old man; +quite contented if she sometimes thought of a poor fellow like me, +as a part of the music; and more than recompensed if she ever mixed +me up with anything she liked as well as she liked that!' + +The new pupil was clearly very much amazed by Mr Pinch's weakness, +and would probably have told him so, and given him some good advice, +but for their opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff's door; the front +door this time, on account of the occasion being one of ceremony and +rejoicing. The same man was in waiting for the horse who had been +adjured by Mr Pinch in the morning not to yield to his rabid desire +to start; and after delivering the animal into his charge, and +beseeching Mr Chuzzlewit in a whisper never to reveal a syllable of +what he had just told him in the fullness of his heart, Tom led the +pupil in, for instant presentation. + +Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he +was surrounded by open books, and was glancing from volume to +volume, with a black lead-pencil in his mouth, and a pair of +compasses in his hand, at a vast number of mathematical diagrams, of +such extraordinary shapes that they looked like designs for +fireworks. Neither had Miss Charity expected them, for she was +busied, with a capacious wicker basket before her, in making +impracticable nightcaps for the poor. Neither had Miss Mercy +expected them, for she was sitting upon her stool, tying on the--oh +good gracious!--the petticoat of a large doll that she was dressing +for a neighbour's child--really, quite a grown-up doll, which made +it more confusing--and had its little bonnet dangling by the ribbon +from one of her fair curls, to which she had fastened it lest it +should be lost or sat upon. It would be difficult, if not +impossible, to conceive a family so thoroughly taken by surprise as +the Pecksniffs were, on this occasion. + +Bless my life!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up, and gradually +exchanging his abstracted face for one of joyful recognition. 'Here +already! Martin, my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you to my +poor house!' + +With this kind greeting, Mr Pecksniff fairly took him to his arms, +and patted him several times upon the back with his right hand the +while, as if to express that his feelings during the embrace were +too much for utterance. + +'But here,' he said, recovering, 'are my daughters, Martin; my two +only children, whom (if you ever saw them) you have not beheld--ah, +these sad family divisions!--since you were infants together. Nay, +my dears, why blush at being detected in your everyday pursuits? We +had prepared to give you the reception of a visitor, Martin, in our +little room of state,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling, 'but I like this +better, I like this better!' + +Oh blessed star of Innocence, wherever you may be, how did you +glitter in your home of ether, when the two Miss Pecksniffs put +forth each her lily hand, and gave the same, with mantling cheeks, +to Martin! How did you twinkle, as if fluttering with sympathy, when +Mercy, reminded of the bonnet in her hair, hid her fair face and +turned her head aside; the while her gentle sister plucked it out, +and smote her with a sister's soft reproof, upon her buxom shoulder! + +'And how,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning round after the contemplation +of these passages, and taking Mr Pinch in a friendly manner by the +elbow, 'how has our friend used you, Martin?' + +'Very well indeed, sir. We are on the best terms, I assure you.' + +'Old Tom Pinch!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking on him with affectionate +sadness. 'Ah! It seems but yesterday that Thomas was a boy fresh +from a scholastic course. Yet years have passed, I think, since +Thomas Pinch and I first walked the world together!' + +Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed +his master's hand, and tried to thank him. + +'And Thomas Pinch and I,' said Mr Pecksniff, in a deeper voice, +'will walk it yet, in mutual faithfulness and friendship! And if it +comes to pass that either of us be run over in any of those busy +crossings which divide the streets of life, the other will convey +him to the hospital in Hope, and sit beside his bed in Bounty!' + +'Well, well, well!' he added in a happier tone, as he shook Mr +Pinch's elbow hard. 'No more of this! Martin, my dear friend, that +you may be at home within these walls, let me show you how we live, +and where. Come!' + +With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young +relative, prepared to leave the room. At the door, he stopped. + +'You'll bear us company, Tom Pinch?' + +Aye, cheerfully, though it had been to death, would Tom have +followed him; glad to lay down his life for such a man! + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, opening the door of an opposite parlour, +'is the little room of state, I mentioned to you. My girls have +pride in it, Martin! This,' opening another door, 'is the little +chamber in which my works (slight things at best) have been +concocted. Portrait of myself by Spiller. Bust by Spoker. The +latter is considered a good likeness. I seem to recognize something +about the left-hand corner of the nose, myself.' + +Martin thought it was very like, but scarcely intellectual enough. +Mr Pecksniff observed that the same fault had been found with it +before. It was remarkable it should have struck his young relation +too. He was glad to see he had an eye for art. + +'Various books you observe,' said Mr Pecksniff, waving his hand +towards the wall, 'connected with our pursuit. I have scribbled +myself, but have not yet published. Be careful how you come +upstairs. This,' opening another door, 'is my chamber. I read here +when the family suppose I have retired to rest. Sometimes I injure +my health rather more than I can quite justify to myself, by doing +so; but art is long and time is short. Every facility you see for +jotting down crude notions, even here.' + +These latter words were explained by his pointing to a small round +table on which were a lamp, divers sheets of paper, a piece of India +rubber, and a case of instruments; all put ready, in case an +architectural idea should come into Mr Pecksniff's head in the +night; in which event he would instantly leap out of bed, and fix it +for ever. + +Mr Pecksniff opened another door on the same floor, and shut it +again, all at once, as if it were a Blue Chamber. But before he had +well done so, he looked smilingly round, and said, 'Why not?' + +Martin couldn't say why not, because he didn't know anything at all +about it. So Mr Pecksniff answered himself, by throwing open the +door, and saying: + +'My daughters' room. A poor first-floor to us, but a bower to them. +Very neat. Very airy. Plants you observe; hyacinths; books again; +birds.' These birds, by the bye, comprised, in all, one staggering +old sparrow without a tail, which had been borrowed expressly from +the kitchen. 'Such trifles as girls love are here. Nothing more. +Those who seek heartless splendour, would seek here in vain.' + +With that he led them to the floor above. + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, throwing wide the door of the memorable +two-pair front; 'is a room where some talent has been developed I +believe. This is a room in which an idea for a steeple occurred to +me that I may one day give to the world. We work here, my dear +Martin. Some architects have been bred in this room; a few, I +think, Mr Pinch?' + +Tom fully assented; and, what is more, fully believed it. + +'You see,' said Mr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll +to roll of paper, 'some traces of our doings here. Salisbury +Cathedral from the north. From the south. From the east. From the +west. From the south-east. From the nor'west. A bridge. An +almshouse. A jail. A church. A powder-magazine. A wine-cellar. +A portico. A summer-house. An ice-house. Plans, elevations, +sections, every kind of thing. And this,' he added, having by this +time reached another large chamber on the same story, with four +little beds in it, 'this is your room, of which Mr Pinch here is the +quiet sharer. A southern aspect; a charming prospect; Mr Pinch's +little library, you perceive; everything agreeable and appropriate. +If there is any additional comfort you would desire to have here at +anytime, pray mention it. Even to strangers, far less to you, my +dear Martin, there is no restriction on that point.' + +It was undoubtedly true, and may be stated in corroboration of Mr +Pecksniff, that any pupil had the most liberal permission to mention +anything in this way that suggested itself to his fancy. Some young +gentlemen had gone on mentioning the very same thing for five years +without ever being stopped. + +'The domestic assistants,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sleep above; and that +is all.' After which, and listening complacently as he went, to the +encomiums passed by his young friend on the arrangements generally, +he led the way to the parlour again. + +Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on a +rather extensive scale were already completed, and the two Miss +Pecksniffs were awaiting their return with hospitable looks. There +were two bottles of currant wine, white and red; a dish of +sandwiches (very long and very slim); another of apples; another of +captain's biscuits (which are always a moist and jovial sort of +viand); a plate of oranges cut up small and gritty; with powdered +sugar, and a highly geological home-made cake. The magnitude of +these preparations quite took away Tom Pinch's breath; for though +the new pupils were usually let down softly, as one may say, +particularly in the wine department, which had so many stages of +declension, that sometimes a young gentleman was a whole fortnight +in getting to the pump; still this was a banquet; a sort of Lord +Mayor's feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on +by, afterwards. + +To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, +had the additional choice quality, that it was in strict keeping +with the night, being both light and cool, Mr Pecksniff besought the +company to do full justice. + +'Martin,' he said, 'will seat himself between you two, my dears, and +Mr Pinch will come by me. Let us drink to our new inmate, and may +we be happy together! Martin, my dear friend, my love to you! Mr +Pinch, if you spare the bottle we shall quarrel.' + +And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as +if the wine were not acid and didn't make him wink, Mr Pecksniff did +honour to his own toast. + +'This,' he said, in allusion to the party, not the wine, 'is a +mingling that repays one for much disappointment and vexation. Let +us be merry.' Here he took a captain's biscuit. 'It is a poor heart +that never rejoices; and our hearts are not poor. No!' + +With such stimulants to merriment did he beguile the time, and do +the honours of the table; while Mr Pinch, perhaps to assure himself +that what he saw and heard was holiday reality, and not a charming +dream, ate of everything, and in particular disposed of the slim +sandwiches to a surprising extent. Nor was he stinted in his +draughts of wine; but on the contrary, remembering Mr Pecksniff's +speech, attacked the bottle with such vigour, that every time he +filled his glass anew, Miss Charity, despite her amiable resolves, +could not repress a fixed and stony glare, as if her eyes had rested +on a ghost. Mr Pecksniff also became thoughtful at those moments, +not to say dejected; but as he knew the vintage, it is very likely +he may have been speculating on the probable condition of Mr Pinch +upon the morrow, and discussing within himself the best remedies for +colic. + +Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and +compared recollections of their childish days, to their mutual +liveliness and entertainment. Miss Mercy laughed immensely at +everything that was said; and sometimes, after glancing at the happy +face of Mr Pinch, was seized with such fits of mirth as brought her +to the very confines of hysterics. But for these bursts of gaiety, +her sister, in her better sense, reproved her; observing, in an +angry whisper, that it was far from being a theme for jest; and that +she had no patience with the creature; though it generally ended in +her laughing too--but much more moderately--and saying that indeed +it was a little too ridiculous and intolerable to be serious about. + +At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that +great discovery made by the ancient philosopher, for securing +health, riches, and wisdom; the infallibility of which has been for +generations verified by the enormous fortunes constantly amassed by +chimney-sweepers and other persons who get up early and go to bed +betimes. The young ladies accordingly rose, and having taken leave +of Mr Chuzzlewit with much sweetness, and of their father with much +duty and of Mr Pinch with much condescension, retired to their +bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on accompanying his young friend +upstairs for personal superintendence of his comforts; and taking +him by the arm, conducted him once more to his bedroom, followed by +Mr Pinch, who bore the light. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one +of the spare beds. 'I don't see any snuffers in that candlestick. +Will you oblige me by going down, and asking for a pair?' + +Mr Pinch, only too happy to be useful, went off directly. + +'You will excuse Thomas Pinch's want of polish, Martin,' said Mr +Pecksniff, with a smile of patronage and pity, as soon as he had +left the room. 'He means well.' + +'He is a very good fellow, sir.' + +'Oh, yes,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He +is very grateful. I have never regretted having befriended Thomas +Pinch.' + +'I should think you never would, sir.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No. I hope not. Poor fellow, he is +always disposed to do his best; but he is not gifted. You will make +him useful to you, Martin, if you please. If Thomas has a fault, it +is that he is sometimes a little apt to forget his position. But +that is soon checked. Worthy soul! You will find him easy to +manage. Good night!' + +'Good night, sir.' + +By this time Mr Pinch had returned with the snuffers. + +'And good night to YOU, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'And sound sleep +to you both. Bless you! Bless you!' + +Invoking this benediction on the heads of his young friends with +great fervour, he withdrew to his own room; while they, being tired, +soon fell asleep. If Martin dreamed at all, some clue to the matter +of his visions may possibly be gathered from the after-pages of this +history. Those of Thomas Pinch were all of holidays, church organs, +and seraphic Pecksniffs. It was some time before Mr Pecksniff +dreamed at all, or even sought his pillow, as he sat for full two +hours before the fire in his own chamber, looking at the coals and +thinking deeply. But he, too, slept and dreamed at last. Thus in +the quiet hours of the night, one house shuts in as many incoherent +and incongruous fancies as a madman's head. + + + +CHAPTER SIX + +COMPRISES, AMONG OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS, PECKSNIFFIAN AND +ARCHITECTURAL, AND EXACT RELATION OF THE PROGRESS MADE BY MR PINCH +IN THE CONFIDENCE AND FRIENDSHIP OF THE NEW PUPIL + + +It was morning; and the beautiful Aurora, of whom so much hath been +written, said, and sung, did, with her rosy fingers, nip and tweak +Miss Pecksniff's nose. It was the frolicsome custom of the Goddess, +in her intercourse with the fair Cherry, so to do; or in more +prosaic phrase, the tip of that feature in the sweet girl's +countenance was always very red at breakfast-time. For the most +part, indeed, it wore, at that season of the day, a scraped and +frosty look, as if it had been rasped; while a similar phenomenon +developed itself in her humour, which was then observed to be of a +sharp and acid quality, as though an extra lemon (figuratively +speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of her disposition, and +had rather damaged its flavour. + +This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, +on ordinary occasions, to such slight consequences as the copious +dilution of Mr Pinch's tea, or to his coming off uncommonly short in +respect of butter, or to other the like results. But on the morning +after the Installation Banquet, she suffered him to wander to and +fro among the eatables and drinkables, a perfectly free and +unchecked man; so utterly to Mr Pinch's wonder and confusion, that +like the wretched captive who recovered his liberty in his old age, +he could make but little use of his enlargement, and fell into a +strange kind of flutter for want of some kind hand to scrape his +bread, and cut him off in the article of sugar with a lump, and pay +him those other little attentions to which he was accustomed. There +was something almost awful, too, about the self-possession of the +new pupil; who 'troubled' Mr Pecksniff for the loaf, and helped +himself to a rasher of that gentleman's own particular and private +bacon, with all the coolness in life. He even seemed to think that +he was doing quite a regular thing, and to expect that Mr Pinch +would follow his example, since he took occasion to observe of that +young man 'that he didn't get on'; a speech of so tremendous a +character, that Tom cast down his eyes involuntarily, and felt as if +he himself had committed some horrible deed and heinous breach of Mr +Pecksniff's confidence. Indeed, the agony of having such an +indiscreet remark addressed to him before the assembled family, was +breakfast enough in itself, and would, without any other matter of +reflection, have settled Mr Pinch's business and quenched his +appetite, for one meal, though he had been never so hungry. + +The young ladies, however, and Mr Pecksniff likewise, remained in +the very best of spirits in spite of these severe trials, though +with something of a mysterious understanding among themselves. When +the meal was nearly over, Mr Pecksniff smilingly explained the cause +of their common satisfaction. + +'It is not often,' he said, 'Martin, that my daughters and I desert +our quiet home to pursue the giddy round of pleasures that revolves +abroad. But we think of doing so to-day.' + +'Indeed, sir!' cried the new pupil. + +'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, tapping his left hand with a letter which +he held in his right. 'I have a summons here to repair to London; +on professional business, my dear Martin; strictly on professional +business; and I promised my girls, long ago, that whenever that +happened again, they should accompany me. We shall go forth to- +night by the heavy coach--like the dove of old, my dear Martin--and +it will be a week before we again deposit our olive-branches in the +passage. When I say olive-branches,' observed Mr Pecksniff, in +explanation, 'I mean, our unpretending luggage.' + +'I hope the young ladies will enjoy their trip,' said Martin. + +'Oh! that I'm sure we shall!' cried Mercy, clapping her hands. +'Good gracious, Cherry, my darling, the idea of London!' + +'Ardent child!' said Mr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamy way. +'And yet there is a melancholy sweetness in these youthful hopes! +It is pleasant to know that they never can be realised. I remember +thinking once myself, in the days of my childhood, that pickled +onions grew on trees, and that every elephant was born with an +impregnable castle on his back. I have not found the fact to be so; +far from it; and yet those visions have comforted me under +circumstances of trial. Even when I have had the anguish of +discovering that I have nourished in my breast on ostrich, and not a +human pupil--even in that hour of agony, they have soothed me.' + +At this dread allusion to John Westlock, Mr Pinch precipitately +choked in his tea; for he had that very morning received a letter +from him, as Mr Pecksniff very well knew. + +'You will take care, my dear Martin,' said Mr Pecksniff, resuming +his former cheerfulness, 'that the house does not run away in our +absence. We leave you in charge of everything. There is no +mystery; all is free and open. Unlike the young man in the Eastern +tale--who is described as a one-eyed almanac, if I am not mistaken, +Mr Pinch?--' + +'A one-eyed calender, I think, sir,' faltered Tom. + +'They are pretty nearly the same thing, I believe,' said Mr +Pecksniff, smiling compassionately; 'or they used to be in my time. +Unlike that young man, my dear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no +corner of this house; but are requested to make yourself perfectly +at home in every part of it. You will be jovial, my dear Martin, +and will kill the fatted calf if you please!' + +There was not the least objection, doubtless, to the young man's +slaughtering and appropriating to his own use any calf, fat or lean, +that he might happen to find upon the premises; but as no such +animal chanced at that time to be grazing on Mr Pecksniff's estate, +this request must be considered rather as a polite compliment that a +substantial hospitality. It was the finishing ornament of the +conversation; for when he had delivered it, Mr Pecksniff rose and +led the way to that hotbed of architectural genius, the two-pair +front. + +'Let me see,' he said, searching among the papers, 'how you can best +employ yourself, Martin, while I am absent. Suppose you were to +give me your idea of a monument to a Lord Mayor of London; or a tomb +for a sheriff; or your notion of a cow-house to be erected in a +nobleman's park. Do you know, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, folding his +hands, and looking at his young relation with an air of pensive +interest, 'that I should very much like to see your notion of a +cow-house?' + +But Martin by no means appeared to relish this suggestion. + +'A pump,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is very chaste practice. I have found +that a lamp post is calculated to refine the mind and give it a +classical tendency. An ornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect +upon the imagination. What do you say to beginning with an +ornamental turnpike?' + +'Whatever Mr Pecksniff pleased,' said Martin, doubtfully. + +'Stay,' said that gentleman. 'Come! as you're ambitious, and are a +very neat draughtsman, you shall--ha ha!--you shall try your hand on +these proposals for a grammar-school; regulating your plan, of +course, by the printed particulars. Upon my word, now,' said Mr +Pecksniff, merrily, 'I shall be very curious to see what you make of +the grammar-school. Who knows but a young man of your taste might +hit upon something, impracticable and unlikely in itself, but which +I could put into shape? For it really is, my dear Martin, it really +is in the finishing touches alone, that great experience and long +study in these matters tell. Ha, ha, ha! Now it really will be,' +continued Mr Pecksniff, clapping his young friend on the back in his +droll humour, 'an amusement to me, to see what you make of the +grammar-school.' + +Martin readily undertook this task, and Mr Pecksniff forthwith +proceeded to entrust him with the materials necessary for its +execution; dwelling meanwhile on the magical effect of a few +finishing touches from the hand of a master; which, indeed, as some +people said (and these were the old enemies again!) was +unquestionably very surprising, and almost miraculous; as there were +cases on record in which the masterly introduction of an additional +back window, or a kitchen door, or half-a-dozen steps, or even a +water spout, had made the design of a pupil Mr Pecksniff's own work, +and had brought substantial rewards into that gentleman's pocket. +But such is the magic of genius, which changes all it handles into +gold! + +'When your mind requires to be refreshed by change of occupation,' +said Mr Pecksniff, 'Thomas Pinch will instruct you in the art of +surveying the back garden, or in ascertaining the dead level of the +road between this house and the finger-post, or in any other +practical and pleasing pursuit. There are a cart-load of loose +bricks, and a score or two of old flower-pots, in the back yard. If +you could pile them up my dear Martin, into any form which would +remind me on my return say of St. Peter's at Rome, or the Mosque of +St. Sophia at Constantinople, it would be at once improving to you +and agreeable to my feelings. And now,' said Mr Pecksniff, in +conclusion, 'to drop, for the present, our professional relations +and advert to private matters, I shall be glad to talk with you in +my own room, while I pack up my portmanteau.' + +Martin attended him; and they remained in secret conference +together for an hour or more; leaving Tom Pinch alone. When the +young man returned, he was very taciturn and dull, in which state he +remained all day; so that Tom, after trying him once or twice with +indifferent conversation, felt a delicacy in obtruding himself upon +his thoughts, and said no more. + +He would not have had leisure to say much, had his new friend been +ever so loquacious; for first of all Mr Pecksniff called him down to +stand upon the top of his portmanteau and represent ancient statues +there, until such time as it would consent to be locked; and then +Miss Charity called him to come and cord her trunk; and then Miss +Mercy sent for him to come and mend her box; and then he wrote the +fullest possible cards for all the luggage; and then he volunteered +to carry it all downstairs; and after that to see it safely carried +on a couple of barrows to the old finger-post at the end of the +lane; and then to mind it till the coach came up. In short, his +day's work would have been a pretty heavy one for a porter, but his +thorough good-will made nothing of it; and as he sat upon the +luggage at last, waiting for the Pecksniffs, escorted by the new +pupil, to come down the lane, his heart was light with the hope of +having pleased his benefactor. + +'I was almost afraid,' said Tom, taking a letter from his pocket and +wiping his face, for he was hot with bustling about though it was a +cold day, 'that I shouldn't have had time to write it, and that +would have been a thousand pities; postage from such a distance +being a serious consideration, when one's not rich. She will be +glad to see my hand, poor girl, and to hear that Pecksniff is as +kind as ever. I would have asked John Westlock to call and see her, +and tell her all about me by word of mouth, but I was afraid he +might speak against Pecksniff to her, and make her uneasy. Besides, +they are particular people where she is, and it might have rendered +her situation uncomfortable if she had had a visit from a young man +like John. Poor Ruth!' + +Tom Pinch seemed a little disposed to be melancholy for half a +minute or so, but he found comfort very soon, and pursued his +ruminations thus: + +'I'm a nice man, I don't think, as John used to say (John was a +kind, merry-hearted fellow; I wish he had liked Pecksniff better), +to be feeling low, on account of the distance between us, when I +ought to be thinking, instead, of my extraordinary good luck in +having ever got here. I must have been born with a silver spoon in +my mouth, I am sure, to have ever come across Pecksniff. And here +have I fallen again into my usual good luck with the new pupil! Such +an affable, generous, free fellow, as he is, I never saw. Why, we +were companions directly! and he a relation of Pecksniff's too, and +a clever, dashing youth who might cut his way through the world as +if it were a cheese! Here he comes while the words are on my lips' +said Tom; 'walking down the lane as if the lane belonged to him.' + +In truth, the new pupil, not at all disconcerted by the honour of +having Miss Mercy Pecksniff on his arm, or by the affectionate +adieux of that young lady, approached as Mr Pinch spoke, followed by +Miss Charity and Mr Pecksniff. As the coach appeared at the same +moment, Tom lost no time in entreating the gentleman last mentioned, +to undertake the delivery of his letter. + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. 'For your +sister, Thomas. Yes, oh yes, it shall be delivered, Mr Pinch. Make +your mind easy upon that score. She shall certainly have it, Mr +Pinch.' + +He made the promise with so much condescension and patronage, that +Tom felt he had asked a great deal (this had not occurred to his +mind before), and thanked him earnestly. The Miss Pecksniffs, +according to a custom they had, were amused beyond description at +the mention of Mr Pinch's sister. Oh the fright! The bare idea +of a Miss Pinch! Good heavens! + +Tom was greatly pleased to see them so merry, for he took it as a +token of their favour, and good-humoured regard. Therefore he +laughed too and rubbed his hands and wished them a pleasant journey +and safe return, and was quite brisk. Even when the coach had +rolled away with the olive-branches in the boot and the family of +doves inside, he stood waving his hand and bowing; so much gratified +by the unusually courteous demeanour of the young ladies, that he +was quite regardless, for the moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who +stood leaning thoughtfully against the finger-post, and who after +disposing of his fair charge had hardly lifted his eyes from the +ground. + +The perfect silence which ensued upon the bustle and departure of +the coach, together with the sharp air of the wintry afternoon, +roused them both at the same time. They turned, as by mutual +consent, and moved off arm-in-arm. + +'How melancholy you are!' said Tom; 'what is the matter?' + +'Nothing worth speaking of,' said Martin. 'Very little more than +was the matter yesterday, and much more, I hope, than will be the +matter to-morrow. I'm out of spirits, Pinch.' + +'Well,' cried Tom, 'now do you know I am in capital spirits today, +and scarcely ever felt more disposed to be good company. It was a +very kind thing in your predecessor, John, to write to me, was it +not?' + +'Why, yes,' said Martin carelessly; 'I should have thought he would +have had enough to do to enjoy himself, without thinking of you, +Pinch.' + +'Just what I felt to be so very likely,' Tom rejoined; 'but no, he +keeps his word, and says, "My dear Pinch, I often think of you," and +all sorts of kind and considerate things of that description.' + +'He must be a devilish good-natured fellow,' said Martin, somewhat +peevishly: 'because he can't mean that, you know.' + +'I don't suppose he can, eh?' said Tom, looking wistfully in his +companion's face. 'He says so to please me, you think?' + +'Why, is it likely,' rejoined Martin, with greater earnestness, +'that a young man newly escaped from this kennel of a place, and +fresh to all the delights of being his own master in London, can +have much leisure or inclination to think favourably of anything or +anybody he has left behind him here? I put it to you, Pinch, is it +natural?' + +After a short reflection, Mr Pinch replied, in a more subdued tone, +that to be sure it was unreasonable to expect any such thing, and +that he had no doubt Martin knew best. + +'Of course I know best,' Martin observed. + +'Yes, I feel that,' said Mr Pinch mildly. 'I said so.' And when he +had made this rejoinder, they fell into a blank silence again, which +lasted until they reached home; by which time it was dark. + +Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience +of carrying them with her in the coach, and the impossibility of +preserving them by artificial means until the family's return, had +set forth, in a couple of plates, the fragments of yesterday's +feast. In virtue of which liberal arrangement, they had the +happiness to find awaiting them in the parlour two chaotic heaps of +the remains of last night's pleasure, consisting of certain filmy +bits of oranges, some mummied sandwiches, various disrupted masses +of the geological cake, and several entire captain's biscuits. That +choice liquor in which to steep these dainties might not be wanting, +the remains of the two bottles of currant wine had been poured +together and corked with a curl-paper; so that every material was at +hand for making quite a heavy night of it. + +Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinite +contempt, and stirring the fire into a blaze (to the great +destruction of Mr Pecksniff's coals), sat moodily down before it, in +the most comfortable chair he could find. That he might the better +squeeze himself into the small corner that was left for him, Mr +Pinch took up his position on Miss Mercy Pecksniff's stool, and +setting his glass down upon the hearthrug and putting his plate +upon his knees, began to enjoy himself. + +If Diogenes coming to life again could have rolled himself, tub and +all, into Mr Pecksniff's parlour and could have seen Tom Pinch as he +sat on Mercy Pecksniff's stool with his plate and glass before him +he could not have faced it out, though in his surliest mood, but +must have smiled good-temperedly. The perfect and entire +satisfaction of Tom; his surpassing appreciation of the husky +sandwiches, which crumbled in his mouth like saw-dust; the +unspeakable relish with which he swallowed the thin wine by drops, +and smacked his lips, as though it were so rich and generous that to +lose an atom of its fruity flavour were a sin; the look with which +he paused sometimes, with his glass in his hand, proposing silent +toasts to himself; and the anxious shade that came upon his +contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in its +uninvaded snugness, his glance encountered the dull brow of his +companion; no cynic in the world, though in his hatred of its men a +very griffin, could have withstood these things in Thomas Pinch. + +Some men would have slapped him on the back, and pledged him in a +bumper of the currant wine, though it had been the sharpest vinegar +--aye, and liked its flavour too; some would have seized him by his +honest hand, and thanked him for the lesson that his simple nature +taught them. Some would have laughed with, and others would have +laughed at him; of which last class was Martin Chuzzlewit, who, +unable to restrain himself, at last laughed loud and long. + +'That's right,' said Tom, nodding approvingly. 'Cheer up! That's +capital!' + +At which encouragement young Martin laughed again; and said, as soon +as he had breath and gravity enough: + +'I never saw such a fellow as you are, Pinch.' + +'Didn't you though?' said Tom. 'Well, it's very likely you do find +me strange, because I have hardly seen anything of the world, and +you have seen a good deal I dare say?' + +'Pretty well for my time of life,' rejoined Martin, drawing his +chair still nearer to the fire, and spreading his feet out on the +fender. 'Deuce take it, I must talk openly to somebody. I'll talk +openly to you, Pinch.' + +'Do!' said Tom. 'I shall take it as being very friendly of you,' + +'I'm not in your way, am I?' inquired Martin, glancing down at Mr +Pinch, who was by this time looking at the fire over his leg. + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'You must know then, to make short of a long story,' said Martin, +beginning with a kind of effort, as if the revelation were not +agreeable to him; 'that I have been bred up from childhood with +great expectations, and have always been taught to believe that I +should be, one day, very rich. So I should have been, but for +certain brief reasons which I am going to tell you, and which have +led to my being disinherited.' + +'By your father?' inquired Mr Pinch, with open eyes. + +'By my grandfather. I have had no parents these many years. +Scarcely within my remembrance.' + +'Neither have I,' said Tom, touching the young man's hand with his +own and timidly withdrawing it again. 'Dear me!' + +'Why, as to that, you know, Pinch,' pursued the other, stirring the +fire again, and speaking in his rapid, off-hand way; 'it's all very +right and proper to be fond of parents when we have them, and to +bear them in remembrance after they're dead, if you have ever known +anything of them. But as I never did know anything about mine +personally, you know, why, I can't be expected to be very +sentimental about 'em. And I am not; that's the truth.' + +Mr Pinch was just then looking thoughtfully at the bars. But on his +companion pausing in this place, he started, and said 'Oh! of +course'--and composed himself to listen again. + +'In a word,' said Martin, 'I have been bred and reared all my life +by this grandfather of whom I have just spoken. Now, he has a great +many good points--there is no doubt about that; I'll not disguise +the fact from you--but he has two very great faults, which are the +staple of his bad side. In the first place, he has the most +confirmed obstinacy of character you ever met with in any human +creature. In the second, he is most abominably selfish.' + +'Is he indeed?' cried Tom. + +'In those two respects,' returned the other, 'there never was such a +man. I have often heard from those who know, that they have been, +time out of mind, the failings of our family; and I believe there's +some truth in it. But I can't say of my own knowledge. All I have +to do, you know, is to be very thankful that they haven't descended +to me, and, to be very careful that I don't contract 'em.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Pinch. 'Very proper.' + +'Well, sir,' resumed Martin, stirring the fire once more, and +drawing his chair still closer to it, 'his selfishness makes him +exacting, you see; and his obstinacy makes him resolute in his +exactions. The consequence is that he has always exacted a great +deal from me in the way of respect, and submission, and self-denial +when his wishes were in question, and so forth. I have borne a +great deal from him, because I have been under obligations to him +(if one can ever be said to be under obligations to one's own +grandfather), and because I have been really attached to him; but we +have had a great many quarrels for all that, for I could not +accommodate myself to his ways very often--not out of the least +reference to myself, you understand, but because--' he stammered +here, and was rather at a loss. + +Mr Pinch being about the worst man in the world to help anybody out +of a difficulty of this sort, said nothing. + +'Well! as you understand me,' resumed Martin, quickly, 'I needn't +hunt for the precise expression I want. Now I come to the cream of +my story, and the occasion of my being here. I am in love, Pinch.' + +Mr Pinch looked up into his face with increased interest. + +'I say I am in love. I am in love with one of the most beautiful +girls the sun ever shone upon. But she is wholly and entirely +dependent upon the pleasure of my grandfather; and if he were to +know that she favoured my passion, she would lose her home and +everything she possesses in the world. There is nothing very +selfish in THAT love, I think?' + +'Selfish!' cried Tom. 'You have acted nobly. To love her as I am +sure you do, and yet in consideration for her state of dependence, +not even to disclose--' + +'What are you talking about, Pinch?' said Martin pettishly: 'don't +make yourself ridiculous, my good fellow! What do you mean by not +disclosing?' + +'I beg your pardon,' answered Tom. 'I thought you meant that, or I +wouldn't have said it.' + +'If I didn't tell her I loved her, where would be the use of my +being in love?' said Martin: 'unless to keep myself in a perpetual +state of worry and vexation?' + +'That's true,' Tom answered. 'Well! I can guess what SHE said when +you told her,' he added, glancing at Martin's handsome face. + +'Why, not exactly, Pinch,' he rejoined, with a slight frown; +'because she has some girlish notions about duty and gratitude, and +all the rest of it, which are rather hard to fathom; but in the main +you are right. Her heart was mine, I found.' + +'Just what I supposed,' said Tom. 'Quite natural!' and, in his +great satisfaction, he took a long sip out of his wine-glass. + +'Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmost +circumspection,' pursued Martin, 'I had not managed matters so well +but that my grandfather, who is full of jealousy and distrust, +suspected me of loving her. He said nothing to her, but straightway +attacked me in private, and charged me with designing to corrupt the +fidelity to himself (there you observe his selfishness), of a young +creature whom he had trained and educated to be his only +disinterested and faithful companion, when he should have disposed +of me in marriage to his heart's content. Upon that, I took fire +immediately, and told him that with his good leave I would dispose +of myself in marriage, and would rather not be knocked down by him +or any other auctioneer to any bidder whomsoever.' + +Mr Pinch opened his eyes wider, and looked at the fire harder than +he had done yet. + +'You may be sure,' said Martin, 'that this nettled him, and that he +began to be the very reverse of complimentary to myself. Interview +succeeded interview; words engendered words, as they always do; and +the upshot of it was, that I was to renounce her, or be renounced by +him. Now you must bear in mind, Pinch, that I am not only +desperately fond of her (for though she is poor, her beauty and +intellect would reflect great credit on anybody, I don't care of +what pretensions who might become her husband), but that a chief +ingredient in my composition is a most determined--' + +'Obstinacy,' suggested Tom in perfect good faith. But the +suggestion was not so well received as he had expected; for the +young man immediately rejoined, with some irritation, + +'What a fellow you are, Pinch!' + +'I beg your pardon,' said Tom, 'I thought you wanted a word.' + +'I didn't want that word,' he rejoined. 'I told you obstinacy was +no part of my character, did I not? I was going to say, if you had +given me leave, that a chief ingredient in my composition is a most +determined firmness.' + +'Oh!' cried Tom, screwing up his mouth, and nodding. 'Yes, yes; I +see!' + +'And being firm,' pursued Martin, 'of course I was not going to +yield to him, or give way by so much as the thousandth part of an +inch.' + +'No, no,' said Tom. + +'On the contrary, the more he urged, the more I was determined to +oppose him.' + +'To be sure!' said Tom. + +'Very well,' rejoined Martin, throwing himself back in his chair, +with a careless wave of both hands, as if the subject were quite +settled, and nothing more could be said about it--'There is an end +of the matter, and here am I!' + +Mr Pinch sat staring at the fire for some minutes with a puzzled +look, such as he might have assumed if some uncommonly difficult +conundrum had been proposed, which he found it impossible to guess. +At length he said: + +'Pecksniff, of course, you had known before?' + +'Only by name. No, I had never seen him, for my grandfather kept +not only himself but me, aloof from all his relations. But our +separation took place in a town in the adjoining country. From that +place I came to Salisbury, and there I saw Pecksniff's +advertisement, which I answered, having always had some natural +taste, I believe, in the matters to which it referred, and thinking +it might suit me. As soon as I found it to be his, I was doubly +bent on coming to him if possible, on account of his being--' + +'Such an excellent man,' interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: 'so he +is. You were quite right.' + +'Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,' +returned Martin, 'as because my grandfather has an inveterate +dislike to him, and after the old man's arbitrary treatment of me, I +had a natural desire to run as directly counter to all his opinions +as I could. Well! As I said before, here I am. My engagement with +the young lady I have been telling you about is likely to be a +tolerably long one; for neither her prospects nor mine are very +bright; and of course I shall not think of marrying until I am well +able to do so. It would never do, you know, for me to be plunging +myself into poverty and shabbiness and love in one room up three +pair of stairs, and all that sort of thing.' + +'To say nothing of her,' remarked Tom Pinch, in a low voice. + +'Exactly so,' rejoined Martin, rising to warm his back, and leaning +against the chimney-piece. 'To say nothing of her. At the same +time, of course it's not very hard upon her to be obliged to yield +to the necessity of the case; first, because she loves me very much; +and secondly, because I have sacrificed a great deal on her account, +and might have done much better, you know.' + +It was a very long time before Tom said 'Certainly;' so long, that +he might have taken a nap in the interval, but he did say it at +last. + +'Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this love-story,' +said Martin, 'which brings it to an end. You remember what you told +me last night as we were coming here, about your pretty visitor in +the church?' + +'Surely I do,' said Tom, rising from his stool, and seating himself +in the chair from which the other had lately risen, that he might +see his face. 'Undoubtedly.' + +'That was she.' + +'I knew what you were going to say,' cried Tom, looking fixedly at +him, and speaking very softly. 'You don't tell me so?' + +'That was she,' repeated the young man. 'After what I have heard +from Pecksniff, I have no doubt that she came and went with my +grandfather.--Don't you drink too much of that sour wine, or you'll +have a fit of some sort, Pinch, I see.' + +'It is not very wholesome, I am afraid,' said Tom, setting down the +empty glass he had for some time held. 'So that was she, was it?' + +Martin nodded assent; and adding, with a restless impatience, that +if he had been a few days earlier he would have seen her; and that +now she might be, for anything he knew, hundreds of miles away; +threw himself, after a few turns across the room, into a chair, and +chafed like a spoilt child. + +Tom Pinch's heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the +most indifferent person in distress; still less one who had awakened +an interest in him, and who regarded him (either in fact, or as he +supposed) with kindness, and in a spirit of lenient construction. +Whatever his own thoughts had been a few moments before--and to +judge from his face they must have been pretty serious--he dismissed +them instantly, and gave his young friend the best counsel and +comfort that occurred to him. + +'All will be well in time,' said Tom, 'I have no doubt; and some +trial and adversity just now will only serve to make you more +attached to each other in better days. I have always read that the +truth is so, and I have a feeling within me, which tells me how +natural and right it is that it should be. That never ran smooth +yet,' said Tom, with a smile which, despite the homeliness of his +face, was pleasanter to see than many a proud beauty's brightest +glance; 'what never ran smooth yet, can hardly be expected to change +its character for us; so we must take it as we find it, and fashion +it into the very best shape we can, by patience and good-humour. I +have no power at all; I needn't tell you that; but I have an +excellent will; and if I could ever be of use to you, in any way +whatever, how very glad I should be!' + +'Thank you,' said Martin, shaking his hand. 'You're a good fellow, +upon my word, and speak very kindly. Of course you know,' he added, +after a moment's pause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, +'I should not hesitate to avail myself of your services if you could +help me at all; but mercy on us!'--Here he rumpled his hair +impatiently with his hand, and looked at Tom as if he took it rather +ill that he was not somebody else--'you might as well be a toasting- +fork or a frying-pan, Pinch, for any help you can render me.' + +'Except in the inclination,' said Tom, gently. + +'Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for +anything, I shouldn't want help. I tell you what you may do, +though, if you will, and at the present moment too.' + +'What is that?' demanded Tom. + +'Read to me.' + +'I shall be delighted,' cried Tom, catching up the candle with +enthusiasm. 'Excuse my leaving you in the dark a moment, and I'll +fetch a book directly. What will you like? Shakespeare?' + +'Aye!' replied his friend, yawning and stretching himself. 'He'll +do. I am tired with the bustle of to-day, and the novelty of +everything about me; and in such a case, there's no greater +luxury in the world, I think, than being read to sleep. You +won't mind my going to sleep, if I can?' + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'Then begin as soon as you like. You needn't leave off when you see +me getting drowsy (unless you feel tired), for it's pleasant to wake +gradually to the sounds again. Did you ever try that?' + +'No, I never tried that,' said Tom + +'Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we're both in the +right humour. Don't mind leaving me in the dark. Look sharp!' + +Mr Pinch lost no time in moving away; and in a minute or two +returned with one of the precious volumes from the shelf beside his +bed. Martin had in the meantime made himself as comfortable as +circumstances would permit, by constructing before the fire a +temporary sofa of three chairs with Mercy's stool for a pillow, and +lying down at full-length upon it. + +'Don't be too loud, please,' he said to Pinch. + +'No, no,' said Tom. + +'You're sure you're not cold' + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'I am quite ready, then.' + +Mr Pinch accordingly, after turning over the leaves of his book with +as much care as if they were living and highly cherished creatures, +made his own selection, and began to read. Before he had completed +fifty lines his friend was snoring. + +'Poor fellow!' said Tom, softly, as he stretched out his head to +peep at him over the backs of the chairs. 'He is very young to have +so much trouble. How trustful and generous in him to bestow all +this confidence in me. And that was she, was it?' + +But suddenly remembering their compact, he took up the poem at the +place where he had left off, and went on reading; always forgetting +to snuff the candle, until its wick looked like a mushroom. He +gradually became so much interested, that he quite forgot to +replenish the fire; and was only reminded of his neglect by Martin +Chuzzlewit starting up after the lapse of an hour or so, and crying +with a shiver. + +'Why, it's nearly out, I declare! No wonder I dreamed of being +frozen. Do call for some coals. What a fellow you are, Pinch!' + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN + +IN WHICH MR CHEVY SLYME ASSERTS THE INDEPENDENCE OF HIS SPIRIT, AND +THE BLUE DRAGON LOSES A LIMB + + +Martin began to work at the grammar-school next morning, with so +much vigour and expedition, that Mr Pinch had new reason to do +homage to the natural endowments of that young gentleman, and to +acknowledge his infinite superiority to himself. The new pupil +received Tom's compliments very graciously; and having by this time +conceived a real regard for him, in his own peculiar way, predicted +that they would always be the very best of friends, and that neither +of them, he was certain (but particularly Tom), would ever have +reason to regret the day on which they became acquainted. Mr Pinch +was delighted to hear him say this, and felt so much flattered by +his kind assurances of friendship and protection, that he was at a +loss how to express the pleasure they afforded him. And indeed it +may be observed of this friendship, such as it was, that it had +within it more likely materials of endurance than many a sworn +brotherhood that has been rich in promise; for so long as the one +party found a pleasure in patronizing, and the other in being +patronised (which was in the very essence of their respective +characters), it was of all possible events among the least probable, +that the twin demons, Envy and Pride, would ever arise between them. +So in very many cases of friendship, or what passes for it, the old +axiom is reversed, and like clings to unlike more than to like. + +They were both very busy on the afternoon succeeding the family's +departure--Martin with the grammar-school, and Tom in balancing +certain receipts of rents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff's commission +from the same; in which abstruse employment he was much distracted +by a habit his new friend had of whistling aloud while he was +drawing--when they were not a little startled by the unexpected +obtrusion into that sanctuary of genius, of a human head which, +although a shaggy and somewhat alarming head in appearance, smiled +affably upon them from the doorway, in a manner that was at once +waggish, conciliatory, and expressive of approbation. + +'I am not industrious myself, gents both,' said the head, 'but I +know how to appreciate that quality in others. I wish I may turn +grey and ugly, if it isn't in my opinion, next to genius, one of the +very charmingest qualities of the human mind. Upon my soul, I am +grateful to my friend Pecksniff for helping me to the contemplation +of such a delicious picture as you present. You remind me of +Whittington, afterwards thrice Lord Mayor of London. I give you my +unsullied word of honour, that you very strongly remind me of that +historical character. You are a pair of Whittingtons, gents, +without the cat; which is a most agreeable and blessed exception to +me, for I am not attached to the feline species. My name is Tigg; +how do you do?' + +Martin looked to Mr Pinch for an explanation; and Tom, who had never +in his life set eyes on Mr Tigg before, looked to that gentleman +himself. + +'Chevy Slyme?' said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left +hand in token of friendship. 'You will understand me when I say +that I am the accredited agent of Chevy Slyme; that I am the +ambassador from the court of Chiv? Ha ha!' + +'Heyday!' asked Martin, starting at the mention of a name he knew. +'Pray, what does he want with me?' + +'If your name is Pinch'--Mr Tigg began. + +'It is not' said Martin, checking himself. 'That is Mr Pinch.' + +'If that is Mr Pinch,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and +beginning to follow his head into the room, 'he will permit me to +say that I greatly esteem and respect his character, which has been +most highly commended to me by my friend Pecksniff; and that I +deeply appreciate his talent for the organ, notwithstanding that I +do not, if I may use the expression, grind myself. If that is Mr +Pinch, I will venture to express a hope that I see him well, and +that he is suffering no inconvenience from the easterly wind?' + +'Thank you,' said Tom. 'I am very well.' + +'That is a comfort,' Mr Tigg rejoined. 'Then,' he added, shielding +his lips with the palm of his hand, and applying them close to Mr +Pinch's ear, 'I have come for the letter.' + +'For the letter,' said Tom, aloud. 'What letter?' + +'The letter,' whispered Tigg in the same cautious manner as before, +'which my friend Pecksniff addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire, and +left with you.' + +'He didn't leave any letter with me,' said Tom. + +'Hush!' cried the other. 'It's all the same thing, though not so +delicately done by my friend Pecksniff as I could have wished. The +money.' + +'The money!' cried Tom quite scared. + +'Exactly so,' said Mr Tigg. With which he rapped Tom twice or +thrice upon the breast and nodded several times, as though he would +say that he saw they understood each other; that it was unnecessary +to mention the circumstance before a third person; and that he would +take it as a particular favour if Tom would slip the amount into his +hand, as quietly as possible. + +Mr Pinch, however, was so very much astounded by this (to him) +inexplicable deportment, that he at once openly declared there must +be some mistake, and that he had been entrusted with no commission +whatever having any reference to Mr Tigg or to his friend, either. +Mr Tigg received this declaration with a grave request that Mr Pinch +would have the goodness to make it again; and on Tom's repeating it +in a still more emphatic and unmistakable manner, checked it off, +sentence for sentence, by nodding his head solemnly at the end of +each. When it had come to a close for the second time, Mr Tigg sat +himself down in a chair and addressed the young men as follows: + +'Then I tell you what it is, gents both. There is at this present +moment in this very place, a perfect constellation of talent and +genius, who is involved, through what I cannot but designate as the +culpable negligence of my friend Pecksniff, in a situation as +tremendous, perhaps, as the social intercourse of the nineteenth +century will readily admit of. There is actually at this instant, +at the Blue Dragon in this village--an ale-house, observe; a common, +paltry, low-minded, clodhopping, pipe-smoking ale-house--an +individual, of whom it may be said, in the language of the Poet, +that nobody but himself can in any way come up to him; who is +detained there for his bill. Ha! ha! For his bill. I repeat it-- +for his bill. Now,' said Mr Tigg, 'we have heard of Fox's Book of +Martyrs, I believe, and we have heard of the Court of Requests, and +the Star Chamber; but I fear the contradiction of no man alive or +dead, when I assert that my friend Chevy Slyme being held in pawn +for a bill, beats any amount of cockfighting with which I am +acquainted.' + +Martin and Mr Pinch looked, first at each other, and afterwards at +Mr Tigg, who with his arms folded on his breast surveyed them, half +in despondency and half in bitterness. + +'Don't mistake me, gents both,' he said, stretching forth his right +hand. 'If it had been for anything but a bill, I could have borne +it, and could still have looked upon mankind with some feeling of +respect; but when such a man as my friend Slyme is detained for a +score--a thing in itself essentially mean; a low performance on a +slate, or possibly chalked upon the back of a door--I do feel that +there is a screw of such magnitude loose somewhere, that the whole +framework of society is shaken, and the very first principles of +things can no longer be trusted. In short, gents both,' said Mr +Tigg with a passionate flourish of his hands and head, 'when a man +like Slyme is detained for such a thing as a bill, I reject the +superstitions of ages, and believe nothing. I don't even believe +that I DON'T believe, curse me if I do!' + +'I am very sorry, I am sure,' said Tom after a pause, 'but Mr +Pecksniff said nothing to me about it, and I couldn't act without +his instructions. Wouldn't it be better, sir, if you were to go to +--to wherever you came from--yourself, and remit the money to your +friend?' + +'How can that be done, when I am detained also?' said Mr Tigg; 'and +when moreover, owing to the astounding, and I must add, guilty +negligence of my friend Pecksniff, I have no money for coach-hire?' + +Tom thought of reminding the gentleman (who, no doubt, in his +agitation had forgotten it) that there was a post-office in the +land; and that possibly if he wrote to some friend or agent for a +remittance it might not be lost upon the road; or at all events that +the chance, however desperate, was worth trusting to. But, as his +good-nature presently suggested to him certain reasons for +abstaining from this hint, he paused again, and then asked: + +'Did you say, sir, that you were detained also?' + +'Come here,' said Mr Tigg, rising. 'You have no objection to my +opening this window for a moment?' + +'Certainly not,' said Tom. + +'Very good,' said Mr Tigg, lifting the sash. 'You see a fellow down +there in a red neckcloth and no waistcoat?' + +'Of course I do,' cried Tom. 'That's Mark Tapley.' + +'Mark Tapley is it?' said the gentleman. 'Then Mark Tapley had not +only the great politeness to follow me to this house, but is waiting +now, to see me home again. And for that attention, sir,' added Mr +Tigg, stroking his moustache, 'I can tell you, that Mark Tapley had +better in his infancy have been fed to suffocation by Mrs Tapley, +than preserved to this time.' + +Mr Pinch was not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he +had voice enough to call to Mark to come in, and upstairs; a +summons which he so speedily obeyed, that almost as soon as Tom and +Mr Tigg had drawn in their heads and closed the window again, he, +the denounced, appeared before them. + +'Come here, Mark!' said Mr Pinch. 'Good gracious me! what's the +matter between Mrs Lupin and this gentleman?' + +'What gentleman, sir?' said Mark. 'I don't see no gentleman here +sir, excepting you and the new gentleman,' to whom he made a rough +kind of bow--'and there's nothing wrong between Mrs Lupin and either +of you, Mr Pinch, I am sure.' + +'Nonsense, Mark!' cried Tom. 'You see Mr--' + +'Tigg,' interposed that gentleman. 'Wait a bit. I shall crush him +soon. All in good time!' + +'Oh HIM!' rejoined Mark, with an air of careless defiance. 'Yes, I +see HIM. I could see him a little better, if he'd shave himself, +and get his hair cut.' + +Mr Tigg shook his head with a ferocious look, and smote himself once +upon the breast. + +'It's no use,' said Mark. 'If you knock ever so much in that +quarter, you'll get no answer. I know better. There's nothing +there but padding; and a greasy sort it is.' + +'Nay, Mark,' urged Mr Pinch, interposing to prevent hostilities, +'tell me what I ask you. You're not out of temper, I hope?' + +'Out of temper, sir!' cried Mark, with a grin; 'why no, sir. +There's a little credit--not much--in being jolly, when such fellows +as him is a-going about like roaring lions; if there is any breed of +lions, at least, as is all roar and mane. What is there between him +and Mrs Lupin, sir? Why, there's a score between him and Mrs Lupin. +And I think Mrs Lupin lets him and his friend off very easy in not +charging 'em double prices for being a disgrace to the Dragon. +That's my opinion. I wouldn't have any such Peter the Wild Boy as +him in my house, sir, not if I was paid race-week prices for it. +He's enough to turn the very beer in the casks sour with his looks; +he is! So he would, if it had judgment enough.' + +'You're not answering my question, you know, Mark,' observed Mr +Pinch. + +'Well, sir,' said Mark, 'I don't know as there's much to answer +further than that. Him and his friend goes and stops at the Moon +and Stars till they've run a bill there; and then comes and stops +with us and does the same. The running of bills is common enough Mr +Pinch; it an't that as we object to; it's the ways of this chap. +Nothing's good enough for him; all the women is dying for him he +thinks, and is overpaid if he winks at 'em; and all the men was made +to be ordered about by him. This not being aggravation enough, he +says this morning to me, in his usual captivating way, "We're going +to-night, my man." "Are you, sir?" says I. "Perhaps you'd like the +bill got ready, sir?" "Oh no, my man," he says; "you needn't mind +that. I'll give Pecksniff orders to see to that." In reply to +which, the Dragon makes answer, "Thankee, sir, you're very kind to +honour us so far, but as we don't know any particular good of you, +and you don't travel with luggage, and Mr Pecksniff an't at home +(which perhaps you mayn't happen to be aware of, sir), we should +prefer something more satisfactory;" and that's where the matter +stands. And I ask,' said Mr Tapley, pointing, in conclusion, to Mr +Tigg, with his hat, 'any lady or gentleman, possessing ordinary +strength of mind, to say whether he's a disagreeable-looking chap or +not!' + +'Let me inquire,' said Martin, interposing between this candid +speech and the delivery of some blighting anathema by Mr Tigg, 'what +the amount of this debt may be?' + +'In point of money, sir, very little,' answered Mark. 'Only just +turned of three pounds. But it an't that; it's the--' + +'Yes, yes, you told us so before,' said Martin. 'Pinch, a word with +you.' + +'What is it?' asked Tom, retiring with him to a corner of the room. + +'Why, simply--I am ashamed to say--that this Mr Slyme is a relation +of mine, of whom I never heard anything pleasant; and that I don't +want him here just now, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, +perhaps, for three or four pounds. You haven't enough money to pay +this bill, I suppose?' + +Tom shook his head to an extent that left no doubt of his entire +sincerity. + +'That's unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, +I'd have borrowed it of you. But if we told this landlady we would +see her paid, I suppose that would answer the same purpose?' + +'Oh dear, yes!' said Tom. 'She knows me, bless you!' + +'Then let us go down at once and tell her so; for the sooner we are +rid of their company the better. As you have conducted the +conversation with this gentleman hitherto, perhaps you'll tell him +what we purpose doing; will you?' + +Mr Pinch, complying, at once imparted the intelligence to Mr Tigg, +who shook him warmly by the hand in return, assuring him that his +faith in anything and everything was again restored. It was not so +much, he said, for the temporary relief of this assistance that he +prized it, as for its vindication of the high principle that +Nature's Nobs felt with Nature's Nobs, and that true greatness of +soul sympathized with true greatness of soul, all the world over. +It proved to him, he said, that like him they admired genius, even +when it was coupled with the alloy occasionally visible in the metal +of his friend Slyme; and on behalf of that friend, he thanked them; +as warmly and heartily as if the cause were his own. Being cut +short in these speeches by a general move towards the stairs, he +took possession at the street door of the lapel of Mr Pinch's coat, +as a security against further interruption; and entertained that +gentleman with some highly improving discourse until they reached +the Dragon, whither they were closely followed by Mark and the new +pupil. + +The rosy hostess scarcely needed Mr Pinch's word as a preliminary to +the release of her two visitors, of whom she was glad to be rid on +any terms; indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with +Mr Tapley, who entertained a constitutional dislike to gentleman +out-at-elbows who flourished on false pretences; and had conceived a +particular aversion to Mr Tigg and his friend, as choice specimens +of the species. The business in hand thus easily settled, Mr Pinch +and Martin would have withdrawn immediately, but for the urgent +entreaties of Mr Tigg that they would allow him the honour of +presenting them to his friend Slyme, which were so very difficult of +resistance that, yielding partly to these persuasions and partly to +their own curiosity, they suffered themselves to be ushered into the +presence of that distinguished gentleman. + +He was brooding over the remains of yesterday's decanter of brandy, +and was engaged in the thoughtful occupation of making a chain of +rings on the top of the table with the wet foot of his drinking- +glass. Wretched and forlorn as he looked, Mr Slyme had once been in +his way, the choicest of swaggerers; putting forth his pretensions +boldly, as a man of infinite taste and most undoubted promise. The +stock-in-trade requisite to set up an amateur in this department of +business is very slight, and easily got together; a trick of the +nose and a curl of the lip sufficient to compound a tolerable sneer, +being ample provision for any exigency. But, in an evil hour, this +off-shoot of the Chuzzlewit trunk, being lazy, and ill qualified for +any regular pursuit and having dissipated such means as he ever +possessed, had formally established himself as a professor of Taste +for a livelihood; and finding, too late, that something more than +his old amount of qualifications was necessary to sustain him in +this calling, had quickly fallen to his present level, where he +retained nothing of his old self but his boastfulness and his bile, +and seemed to have no existence separate or apart from his friend +Tigg. And now so abject and so pitiful was he--at once so maudlin, +insolent, beggarly, and proud--that even his friend and parasite, +standing erect beside him, swelled into a Man by contrast. + +'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg, clapping him on the back, 'my friend Pecksniff +not being at home, I have arranged our trifling piece of business +with Mr Pinch and friend. Mr Pinch and friend, Mr Chevy Slyme! +Chiv, Mr Pinch and friend!' + +'These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to +strangers,' said Chevy Slyme, turning his bloodshot eyes towards Tom +Pinch. 'I am the most miserable man in the world, I believe!' + +Tom begged he wouldn't mention it; and finding him in this +condition, retired, after an awkward pause, followed by Martin. But +Mr Tigg so urgently conjured them, by coughs and signs, to remain in +the shadow of the door, that they stopped there. + +'I swear,' cried Mr Slyme, giving the table an imbecile blow with +his fist, and then feebly leaning his head upon his hand, while some +drunken drops oozed from his eyes, 'that I am the wretchedest +creature on record. Society is in a conspiracy against me. I'm the +most literary man alive. I'm full of scholarship. I'm full of +genius; I'm full of information; I'm full of novel views on every +subject; yet look at my condition! I'm at this moment obliged to two +strangers for a tavern bill!' + +Mr Tigg replenished his friend's glass, pressed it into his hand, +and nodded an intimation to the visitors that they would see him in +a better aspect immediately. + +'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!' repeated Mr Slyme, +after a sulky application to his glass. 'Very pretty! And crowds of +impostors, the while, becoming famous; men who are no more on a +level with me than--Tigg, I take you to witness that I am the most +persecuted hound on the face of the earth.' + +With a whine, not unlike the cry of the animal he named, in its +lowest state of humiliation, he raised his glass to his mouth again. +He found some encouragement in it; for when he set it down he +laughed scornfully. Upon that Mr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors +once more, and with great expression, implying that now the time was +come when they would see Chiv in his greatness. + +'Ha, ha, ha,' laughed Mr Slyme. 'Obliged to two strangers for a +tavern bill! Yet I think I've a rich uncle, Tigg, who could buy up +the uncles of fifty strangers! Have I, or have I not? I come of a +good family, I believe! Do I, or do I not? I'm not a man of common +capacity or accomplishments, I think! Am I, or am I not?' + +'You are the American aloe of the human race, my dear Chiv,' said Mr +Tigg, 'which only blooms once in a hundred years!' + +'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed Mr Slyme again. 'Obliged to two strangers for +a tavern bill! I obliged to two architect's apprentices. Fellows +who measure earth with iron chains, and build houses like +bricklayers. Give me the names of those two apprentices. How dare +they oblige me!' + +Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his +friend's character; as he made known to Mr Pinch in a neat little +ballet of action, spontaneously invented for the purpose. + +'I'll let 'em know, and I'll let all men know,' cried Chevy Slyme, +'that I'm none of the mean, grovelling, tame characters they meet +with commonly. I have an independent spirit. I have a heart that +swells in my bosom. I have a soul that rises superior to base +considerations.' + +'Oh Chiv, Chiv,' murmured Mr Tigg, 'you have a nobly independent +nature, Chiv!' + +'You go and do your duty, sir,' said Mr Slyme, angrily, 'and borrow +money for travelling expenses; and whoever you borrow it of, let 'em +know that I possess a haughty spirit, and a proud spirit, and have +infernally finely-touched chords in my nature, which won't brook +patronage. Do you hear? Tell 'em I hate 'em, and that that's the +way I preserve my self-respect; and tell 'em that no man ever +respected himself more than I do!' + +He might have added that he hated two sorts of men; all those who +did him favours, and all those who were better off than himself; as +in either case their position was an insult to a man of his +stupendous merits. But he did not; for with the apt closing words +above recited, Mr Slyme; of too haughty a stomach to work, to beg, +to borrow, or to steal; yet mean enough to be worked or borrowed, +begged or stolen for, by any catspaw that would serve his turn; too +insolent to lick the hand that fed him in his need, yet cur enough +to bite and tear it in the dark; with these apt closing words Mr +Slyme fell forward with his head upon the table, and so declined +into a sodden sleep. + +'Was there ever,' cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door, +and shutting it carefully behind him, 'such an independent spirit as +is possessed by that extraordinary creature? Was there ever such a +Roman as our friend Chiv? Was there ever a man of such a purely +classical turn of thought, and of such a toga-like simplicity of +nature? Was there ever a man with such a flow of eloquence? Might +he not, gents both, I ask, have sat upon a tripod in the ancient +times, and prophesied to a perfectly unlimited extent, if previously +supplied with gin-and-water at the public cost?' + +Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual +mildness, when, observing that his companion had already gone +downstairs, he prepared to follow him. + +'You are not going, Mr Pinch?' said Tigg. + +'Thank you,' answered Tom. 'Yes. Don't come down.' + +'Do you know that I should like one little word in private with you +Mr Pinch?' said Tigg, following him. 'One minute of your company in +the skittle-ground would very much relieve my mind. Might I beseech +that favour?' + +'Oh, certainly,' replied Tom, 'if you really wish it.' So he +accompanied Mr Tigg to the retreat in question; on arriving at which +place that gentleman took from his hat what seemed to be the fossil +remains of an antediluvian pocket-handkerchief, and wiped his eyes +therewith. + +'You have not beheld me this day,' said Mr Tigg, 'in a favourable +light.' + +'Don't mention that,' said Tom, 'I beg.' + +'But you have NOT,' cried Tigg. 'I must persist in that opinion. +If you could have seen me, Mr Pinch, at the head of my regiment on +the coast of Africa, charging in the form of a hollow square, with +the women and children and the regimental plate-chest in the centre, +you would not have known me for the same man. You would have +respected me, sir.' + +Tom had certain ideas of his own upon the subject of glory; and +consequently he was not quite so much excited by this picture as Mr +Tigg could have desired. + +'But no matter!' said that gentleman. 'The school-boy writing home +to his parents and describing the milk-and-water, said "This is +indeed weakness." I repeat that assertion in reference to myself at +the present moment; and I ask your pardon. Sir, you have seen my +friend Slyme?' + +'No doubt,' said Mr Pinch. + +'Sir, you have been impressed by my friend Slyme?' + +'Not very pleasantly, I must say,' answered Tom, after a little +hesitation. + +'I am grieved but not surprised,' cried Mr Tigg, detaining him with +both hands, 'to hear that you have come to that conclusion; for it +is my own. But, Mr Pinch, though I am a rough and thoughtless man, +I can honour Mind. I honour Mind in following my friend. To you of +all men, Mr Pinch, I have a right to make appeal on Mind's behalf, +when it has not the art to push its fortune in the world. And so, +sir--not for myself, who have no claim upon you, but for my crushed, +my sensitive and independent friend, who has--I ask the loan of +three half-crowns. I ask you for the loan of three half-crowns, +distinctly, and without a blush. I ask it, almost as a right. And +when I add that they will be returned by post, this week, I feel +that you will blame me for that sordid stipulation.' + +Mr Pinch took from his pocket an old-fashioned red-leather purse +with a steel clasp, which had probably once belonged to his deceased +grandmother. It held one half-sovereign and no more. All Tom's +worldly wealth until next quarter-day. + +'Stay!' cried Mr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. 'I +was just about to say, that for the convenience of posting you had +better make it gold. Thank you. A general direction, I suppose, to +Mr Pinch at Mr Pecksniff's--will that find you?' + +'That'll find me,' said Tom. 'You had better put Esquire to Mr +Pecksniff's name, if you please. Direct to me, you know, at Seth +Pecksniff's, Esquire.' + +'At Seth Pecksniff's, Esquire,' repeated Mr Tigg, taking an exact +note of it with a stump of pencil. 'We said this week, I believe?' + +'Yes; or Monday will do,' observed Tom. + +'No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will NOT do,' said Mr Tigg. 'If +we stipulated for this week, Saturday is the latest day. Did we +stipulate for this week?' + +'Since you are so particular about it,' said Tom, 'I think we did.' + +Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over +to himself with a severe frown; and that the transaction might be +the more correct and business-like, appended his initials to the +whole. That done, he assured Mr Pinch that everything was now +perfectly regular; and, after squeezing his hand with great fervour, +departed. + +Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn +this interview into a jest, to render him desirous to avoid the +company of that young gentleman for the present. With this view he +took a few turns up and down the skittle-ground, and did not re- +enter the house until Mr Tigg and his friend had quitted it, and the +new pupil and Mark were watching their departure from one of the +windows. + +'I was just a-saying, sir, that if one could live by it,' observed +Mark, pointing after their late guests, 'that would be the sort of +service for me. Waiting on such individuals as them would be better +than grave-digging, sir.' + +'And staying here would be better than either, Mark,' replied Tom. +'So take my advice, and continue to swim easily in smooth water.' + +'It's too late to take it now, sir,' said Mark. 'I have broke it to +her, sir. I am off to-morrow morning.' + +'Off!' cried Mr Pinch, 'where to?' + +'I shall go up to London, sir.' + +'What to be?' asked Mr Pinch. + +'Well! I don't know yet, sir. Nothing turned up that day I opened +my mind to you, as was at all likely to suit me. All them trades I +thought of was a deal too jolly; there was no credit at all to be +got in any of 'em. I must look for a private service, I suppose, +sir. I might be brought out strong, perhaps, in a serious family, +Mr Pinch.' + +'Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family's +taste, Mark.' + +'That's possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might +do myself justice; but the difficulty is to make sure of one's +ground, because a young man can't very well advertise that he wants +a place, and wages an't so much an object as a wicked sitivation; can +he, sir?' + +'Why, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't think he can.' + +'An envious family,' pursued Mark, with a thoughtful face; 'or a +quarrelsome family, or a malicious family, or even a good out-and- +out mean family, would open a field of action as I might do +something in. The man as would have suited me of all other men was +that old gentleman as was took ill here, for he really was a trying +customer. Howsever, I must wait and see what turns up, sir; and +hope for the worst.' + +'You are determined to go then?' said Mr Pinch. + +'My box is gone already, sir, by the waggon, and I'm going to walk +on to-morrow morning, and get a lift by the day coach when it +overtakes me. So I wish you good-bye, Mr Pinch--and you too, sir-- +and all good luck and happiness!' + +They both returned his greeting laughingly, and walked home arm-in- +arm. Mr Pinch imparting to his new friend, as they went, such +further particulars of Mark Tapley's whimsical restlessness as the +reader is already acquainted with. + +In the meantime Mark, having a shrewd notion that his mistress was +in very low spirits, and that he could not exactly answer for the +consequences of any lengthened TETE-A-TETE in the bar, kept himself +obstinately out of her way all the afternoon and evening. In this +piece of generalship he was very much assisted by the great influx +of company into the taproom; for the news of his intention having +gone abroad, there was a perfect throng there all the evening, and +much drinking of healths and clinking of mugs. At length the house +was closed for the night; and there being now no help for it, Mark +put the best face he could upon the matter, and walked doggedly to +the bar-door. + +'If I look at her,' said Mark to himself, 'I'm done. I feel that +I'm a-going fast.' + +'You have come at last,' said Mrs Lupin. + +Aye, Mark said: There he was. + +'And you are determined to leave us, Mark?' cried Mrs Lupin. + +'Why, yes; I am,' said Mark; keeping his eyes hard upon the floor. + +'I thought,' pursued the landlady, with a most engaging hesitation, +'that you had been--fond--of the Dragon?' + +'So I am,' said Mark. + +'Then,' pursued the hostess--and it really was not an unnatural +inquiry--'why do you desert it?' + +But as he gave no manner of answer to this question; not even on its +being repeated; Mrs Lupin put his money into his hand, and asked +him--not unkindly, quite the contrary--what he would take? + +It is proverbial that there are certain things which flesh and blood +cannot bear. Such a question as this, propounded in such a manner, +at such a time, and by such a person, proved (at least, as far as, +Mark's flesh and blood were concerned) to be one of them. He looked +up in spite of himself directly; and having once looked up, there +was no looking down again; for of all the tight, plump, buxom, +bright-eyed, dimple-faced landladies that ever shone on earth, there +stood before him then, bodily in that bar, the very pink and +pineapple. + +'Why, I tell you what,' said Mark, throwing off all his constraint +in an instant and seizing the hostess round the waist--at which she +was not at all alarmed, for she knew what a good young man he was-- +'if I took what I liked most, I should take you. If I only thought +what was best for me, I should take you. If I took what nineteen +young fellows in twenty would be glad to take, and would take at any +price, I should take you. Yes, I should,' cried Mr Tapley, shaking +his head expressively enough, and looking (in a momentary state of +forgetfulness) rather hard at the hostess's ripe lips. 'And no man +wouldn't wonder if I did!' + +Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. She was astonished how he could say +such things. She had never thought it of him. + +'Why, I never thought if of myself till now!' said Mark, raising his +eyebrows with a look of the merriest possible surprise. 'I always +expected we should part, and never have no explanation; I meant to +do it when I come in here just now; but there's something about you, +as makes a man sensible. Then let us have a word or two together; +letting it be understood beforehand,' he added this in a grave tone, +to prevent the possibility of any mistake, 'that I'm not a-going to +make no love, you know.' + +There was for just one second a shade, though not by any means a +dark one, on the landlady's open brow. But it passed off instantly, +in a laugh that came from her very heart. + +'Oh, very good!' she said; 'if there is to be no love-making, you +had better take your arm away.' + +'Lord, why should I!' cried Mark. 'It's quite innocent.' + +'Of course it's innocent,' returned the hostess, 'or I shouldn't +allow it.' + +'Very well!' said Mark. 'Then let it be.' + +There was so much reason in this that the landlady laughed again, +suffered it to remain, and bade him say what he had to say, and be +quick about it. But he was an impudent fellow, she added. + +'Ha ha! I almost think I am!' cried Mark, 'though I never thought so +before. Why, I can say anything to-night!' + +'Say what you're going to say if you please, and be quick,' returned +the landlady, 'for I want to get to bed.' + +'Why, then, my dear good soul,' said Mark, 'and a kinder woman than +you are never drawed breath--let me see the man as says she did!-- +what would be the likely consequence of us two being--' + +'Oh nonsense!' cried Mrs Lupin. 'Don't talk about that any more.' + +'No, no, but it an't nonsense,' said Mark; 'and I wish you'd attend. +What would be the likely consequence of us two being married? If I +can't be content and comfortable in this here lively Dragon now, is +it to be looked for as I should be then? By no means. Very good. +Then you, even with your good humour, would be always on the fret +and worrit, always uncomfortable in your own mind, always a-thinking +as you was getting too old for my taste, always a-picturing me to +yourself as being chained up to the Dragon door, and wanting to +break away. I don't know that it would be so,' said Mark, 'but I +don't know that it mightn't be. I am a roving sort of chap, I know. +I'm fond of change. I'm always a-thinking that with my good health +and spirits it would be more creditable in me to be jolly where +there's things a-going on to make one dismal. It may be a mistake +of mine you see, but nothing short of trying how it acts will set it +right. Then an't it best that I should go; particular when your +free way has helped me out to say all this, and we can part as good +friends as we have ever been since first I entered this here noble +Dragon, which,' said Mr Tapley in conclusion, 'has my good word and +my good wish to the day of my death!' + +The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon +put both her hands in Mark's and shook them heartily. + +'For you are a good man,' she said; looking into his face with a +smile, which was rather serious for her. 'And I do believe have +been a better friend to me to-night than ever I have had in all my +life.' + +'Oh! as to that, you know,' said Mark, 'that's nonsense. But love +my heart alive!' he added, looking at her in a sort of rapture, 'if +you ARE that way disposed, what a lot of suitable husbands there is +as you may drive distracted!' + +She laughed again at this compliment; and, once more shaking him by +both hands, and bidding him, if he should ever want a friend, to +remember her, turned gayly from the little bar and up the Dragon +staircase. + +'Humming a tune as she goes,' said Mark, listening, 'in case I +should think she's at all put out, and should be made down-hearted. +Come, here's some credit in being jolly, at last!' + +With that piece of comfort, very ruefully uttered, he went, in +anything but a jolly manner, to bed. + +He rose early next morning, and was a-foot soon after sunrise. But +it was of no use; the whole place was up to see Mark Tapley off; the +boys, the dogs, the children, the old men, the busy people and the +idlers; there they were, all calling out 'Good-b'ye, Mark,' after +their own manner, and all sorry he was going. Somehow he had a kind +of sense that his old mistress was peeping from her chamber-window, +but he couldn't make up his mind to look back. + +'Good-b'ye one, good-b'ye all!' cried Mark, waving his hat on the +top of his walking-stick, as he strode at a quick pace up the little +street. 'Hearty chaps them wheelwrights--hurrah! Here's the +butcher's dog a-coming out of the garden--down, old fellow! And Mr +Pinch a-going to his organ--good-b'ye, sir! And the terrier-bitch +from over the way--hie, then, lass! And children enough to hand down +human natur to the latest posterity--good-b'ye, boys and girls! +There's some credit in it now. I'm a-coming out strong at last. +These are the circumstances that would try a ordinary mind; but I'm +uncommon jolly. Not quite as jolly as I could wish to be, but very +near. Good-b'ye! good-b'ye!' + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT + +ACCOMPANIES MR PECKSNIFF AND HIS CHARMING DAUGHTERS TO THE CITY OF +LONDON; AND RELATES WHAT FELL OUT UPON THEIR WAY THITHER + + +When Mr Pecksniff and the two young ladies got into the heavy +coach at the end of the lane, they found it empty, which was a great +comfort; particularly as the outside was quite full and the +passengers looked very frosty. For as Mr Pecksniff justly observed +--when he and his daughters had burrowed their feet deep in the +straw, wrapped themselves to the chin, and pulled up both windows-- +it is always satisfactory to feel, in keen weather, that many other +people are not as warm as you are. And this, he said, was quite +natural, and a very beautiful arrangement; not confined to coaches, +but extending itself into many social ramifications. 'For' (he +observed), 'if every one were warm and well-fed, we should lose the +satisfaction of admiring the fortitude with which certain conditions +of men bear cold and hunger. And if we were no better off than +anybody else, what would become of our sense of gratitude; which,' +said Mr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook his fist at a +beggar who wanted to get up behind, 'is one of the holiest feelings +of our common nature.' + +His children heard with becoming reverence these moral precepts from +the lips of their father, and signified their acquiescence in the +same, by smiles. That he might the better feed and cherish that +sacred flame of gratitude in his breast, Mr Pecksniff remarked that +he would trouble his eldest daughter, even in this early stage of +their journey, for the brandy-bottle. And from the narrow neck of +that stone vessel he imbibed a copious refreshment. + +'What are we?' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but coaches? Some of us are slow +coaches'-- + +'Goodness, Pa!' cried Charity. + +'Some of us, I say,' resumed her parent with increased emphasis, +'are slow coaches; some of us are fast coaches. Our passions are +the horses; and rampant animals too--!' + +'Really, Pa,' cried both the daughters at once. 'How very +unpleasant.' + +'And rampant animals too' repeated Mr Pecksniff with so much +determination, that he may be said to have exhibited, at the moment +a sort of moral rampancy himself;'--and Virtue is the drag. We start +from The Mother's Arms, and we run to The Dust Shovel.' + +When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some +further refreshment. When he had done that, he corked the bottle +tight, with the air of a man who had effectually corked the subject +also; and went to sleep for three stages. + +The tendency of mankind when it falls asleep in coaches, is to wake +up cross; to find its legs in its way; and its corns an aggravation. +Mr Pecksniff not being exempt from the common lot of humanity found +himself, at the end of his nap, so decidedly the victim of these +infirmities, that he had an irresistible inclination to visit them +upon his daughters; which he had already begun to do in the shape of +divers random kicks, and other unexpected motions of his shoes, when +the coach stopped, and after a short delay the door was opened. + +'Now mind,' said a thin sharp voice in the dark. 'I and my son go +inside, because the roof is full, but you agree only to charge us +outside prices. It's quite understood that we won't pay more. Is +it?' + +'All right, sir,' replied the guard. + +'Is there anybody inside now?' inquired the voice. + +'Three passengers,' returned the guard. + +'Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they +will be so good,' said the voice. 'My boy, I think we may safely +get in.' + +In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the +vehicle, which was solemnly licensed by Act of Parliament to carry +any six persons who could be got in at the door. + +'That was lucky!' whispered the old man, when they moved on again. +'And a great stroke of policy in you to observe it. He, he, he! We +couldn't have gone outside. I should have died of the rheumatism!' + +Whether it occurred to the dutiful son that he had in some degree +over-reached himself by contributing to the prolongation of his +father's days; or whether the cold had effected his temper; is +doubtful. But he gave his father such a nudge in reply, that that +good old gentleman was taken with a cough which lasted for full five +minutes without intermission, and goaded Mr Pecksniff to that pitch +of irritation, that he said at last--and very suddenly: + +'There is no room! There is really no room in this coach for any +gentleman with a cold in his head!' + +'Mine,' said the old man, after a moment's pause, 'is upon my chest, +Pecksniff.' + +The voice and manner, together, now that he spoke out; the composure +of the speaker; the presence of his son; and his knowledge of Mr +Pecksniff; afforded a clue to his identity which it was impossible +to mistake. + +'Hem! I thought,' said Mr Pecksniff, returning to his usual +mildness, 'that I addressed a stranger. I find that I address a +relative, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Mr Jonas--for they, my +dear children, are our travelling companions--will excuse me for an +apparently harsh remark. It is not MY desire to wound the feelings +of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a +Hypocrite,' said Mr Pecksniff, cuttingly; 'but I am not a Brute.' + +'Pooh, pooh!' said the old man. 'What signifies that word, +Pecksniff? Hypocrite! why, we are all hypocrites. We were all +hypocrites t'other day. I am sure I felt that to be agreed upon +among us, or I shouldn't have called you one. We should not have +been there at all, if we had not been hypocrites. The only +difference between you and the rest was--shall I tell you the +difference between you and the rest now, Pecksniff?' + +'If you please, my good sir; if you please.' + +'Why, the annoying quality in YOU, is,' said the old man, 'that you +never have a confederate or partner in YOUR juggling; you would +deceive everybody, even those who practise the same art; and have a +way with you, as if you--he, he, he!--as if you really believed +yourself. I'd lay a handsome wager now,' said the old man, 'if I +laid wagers, which I don't and never did, that you keep up +appearances by a tacit understanding, even before your own daughters +here. Now I, when I have a business scheme in hand, tell Jonas what +it is, and we discuss it openly. You're not offended, Pecksniff?' + +'Offended, my good sir!' cried that gentleman, as if he had received +the highest compliments that language could convey. + +'Are you travelling to London, Mr Pecksniff?' asked the son. + +'Yes, Mr Jonas, we are travelling to London. We shall have the +pleasure of your company all the way, I trust?' + +'Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,' said Jonas. 'I am not +a-going to commit myself.' + +Mr Pecksniff was, as a matter of course, greatly entertained by this +retort. His mirth having subsided, Mr Jonas gave him to understand +that himself and parent were in fact travelling to their home in the +metropolis; and that, since the memorable day of the great family +gathering, they had been tarrying in that part of the country, +watching the sale of certain eligible investments, which they had +had in their copartnership eye when they came down; for it was their +custom, Mr Jonas said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to +kill two birds with one stone, and never to throw away sprats, but +as bait for whales. When he had communicated to Mr Pecksniff these +pithy scraps of intelligence, he said, 'That if it was all the same +to him, he would turn him over to father, and have a chat with the +gals;' and in furtherance of this polite scheme, he vacated his seat +adjoining that gentleman, and established himself in the opposite +corner, next to the fair Miss Mercy. + +The education of Mr Jonas had been conducted from his cradle on the +strictest principles of the main chance. The very first word he +learnt to spell was 'gain,' and the second (when he got into two +syllables), 'money.' But for two results, which were not clearly +foreseen perhaps by his watchful parent in the beginning, his +training may be said to have been unexceptionable. One of these +flaws was, that having been long taught by his father to over-reach +everybody, he had imperceptibly acquired a love of over-reaching that +venerable monitor himself. The other, that from his early habits of +considering everything as a question of property, he had gradually +come to look, with impatience, on his parent as a certain amount of +personal estate, which had no right whatever to be going at large, +but ought to be secured in that particular description of iron safe +which is commonly called a coffin, and banked in the grave. + +'Well, cousin!' said Mr Jonas--'Because we ARE cousins, you know, a +few times removed--so you're going to London?' + +Miss Mercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister's arm at +the same time, and giggling excessively. + +'Lots of beaux in London, cousin!' said Mr Jonas, slightly advancing +his elbow. + +'Indeed, sir!' cried the young lady. 'They won't hurt us, sir, I +dare say.' And having given him this answer with great demureness +she was so overcome by her own humour, that she was fain to stifle +her merriment in her sister's shawl. + +'Merry,' cried that more prudent damsel, 'really I am ashamed of +you. How can you go on so? You wild thing!' At which Miss Merry +only laughed the more, of course. + +'I saw a wildness in her eye, t'other day,' said Mr Jonas, +addressing Charity. 'But you're the one to sit solemn! I say--You +were regularly prim, cousin!' + +"Oh! The old-fashioned fright!' cried Merry, in a whisper. 'Cherry +my dear, upon my word you must sit next him. I shall die outright +if he talks to me any more; I shall, positively!' To prevent which +fatal consequence, the buoyant creature skipped out of her seat as +she spoke, and squeezed her sister into the place from which she had +risen. + +'Don't mind crowding me,' cried Mr Jonas. 'I like to be crowded by +gals. Come a little closer, cousin.' + +'No, thank you, sir,' said Charity. + +'There's that other one a-laughing again,' said Mr Jonas; 'she's a- +laughing at my father, I shouldn't wonder. If he puts on that old +flannel nightcap of his, I don't know what she'll do! Is that my +father a-snoring, Pecksniff?' + +'Yes, Mr Jonas.' + +'Tread upon his foot, will you be so good?' said the young +gentleman. 'The foot next you's the gouty one.' + +Mr Pecksniff hesitating to perform this friendly office, Mr Jonas +did it himself; at the same time crying: + +'Come, wake up, father, or you'll be having the nightmare, and +screeching out, I know.--Do you ever have the nightmare, cousin?' he +asked his neighbour, with characteristic gallantry, as he dropped +his voice again. + +'Sometimes,' answered Charity. 'Not often.' + +'The other one,' said Mr Jonas, after a pause. 'Does SHE ever have +the nightmare?' + +'I don't know,' replied Charity. 'You had better ask her.' + +'She laughs so,' said Jonas; 'there's no talking to her. Only hark +how she's a-going on now! You're the sensible one, cousin!' + +'Tut, tut!' cried Charity. + +'Oh! But you are! You know you are!' + +'Mercy is a little giddy,' said Miss Charity. But she'll sober down +in time.' + +'It'll be a very long time, then, if she does at all,' rejoined her +cousin. 'Take a little more room.' + +'I am afraid of crowding you,' said Charity. But she took it +notwithstanding; and after one or two remarks on the extreme +heaviness of the coach, and the number of places it stopped at, they +fell into a silence which remained unbroken by any member of the +party until supper-time. + +Although Mr Jonas conducted Charity to the hotel and sat himself +beside her at the board, it was pretty clear that he had an eye to +'the other one' also, for he often glanced across at Mercy, and +seemed to draw comparisons between the personal appearance of the +two, which were not unfavourable to the superior plumpness of the +younger sister. He allowed himself no great leisure for this kind +of observation, however, being busily engaged with the supper, +which, as he whispered in his fair companion's ear, was a contract +business, and therefore the more she ate, the better the bargain +was. His father and Mr Pecksniff, probably acting on the same wise +principle, demolished everything that came within their reach, and +by that means acquired a greasy expression of countenance, +indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very pleasant +to contemplate. + +When they could eat no more, Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jonas subscribed +for two sixpenny-worths of hot brandy-and-water, which the latter +gentleman considered a more politic order than one shillingsworth; +there being a chance of their getting more spirit out of the +innkeeper under this arrangement than if it were all in one glass. +Having swallowed his share of the enlivening fluid, Mr Pecksniff, +under pretence of going to see if the coach were ready, went +secretly to the bar, and had his own little bottle filled, in order +that he might refresh himself at leisure in the dark coach without +being observed. + +These arrangements concluded, and the coach being ready, they got +into their old places and jogged on again. But before he composed +himself for a nap, Mr Pecksniff delivered a kind of grace after +meat, in these words: + +'The process of digestion, as I have been informed by anatomical +friends, is one of the most wonderful works of nature. I do not +know how it may be with others, but it is a great satisfaction to me +to know, when regaling on my humble fare, that I am putting in +motion the most beautiful machinery with which we have any +acquaintance. I really feel at such times as if I was doing a +public service. When I have wound myself up, if I may employ such a +term,' said Mr Pecksniff with exquisite tenderness, 'and know that I +am Going, I feel that in the lesson afforded by the works within me, +I am a Benefactor to my Kind!' + +As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr +Pecksniff, exulting, it may be presumed, in his moral utility, went +to sleep again. + +The rest of the night wore away in the usual manner. Mr Pecksniff +and Old Anthony kept tumbling against each other and waking up much +terrified, or crushed their heads in opposite corners of the coach +and strangely tattooed the surface of their faces--Heaven knows how +--in their sleep. The coach stopped and went on, and went on and +stopped, times out of number. Passengers got up and passengers got +down, and fresh horses came and went and came again, with scarcely +any interval between each team as it seemed to those who were +dozing, and with a gap of a whole night between every one as it +seemed to those who were broad awake. At length they began to jolt +and rumble over horribly uneven stones, and Mr Pecksniff looking out +of window said it was to-morrow morning, and they were there. + +Very soon afterwards the coach stopped at the office in the city; +and the street in which it was situated was already in a bustle, +that fully bore out Mr Pecksniff's words about its being morning, +though for any signs of day yet appearing in the sky it might have +been midnight. There was a dense fog too; as if it were a city in +the clouds, which they had been travelling to all night up a magic +beanstalk; and there was a thick crust upon the pavement like +oilcake; which, one of the outsides (mad, no doubt) said to another +(his keeper, of course), was Snow. + +Taking a confused leave of Anthony and his son, and leaving the +luggage of himself and daughters at the office to be called for +afterwards, Mr Pecksniff, with one of the young ladies under each +arm, dived across the street, and then across other streets, and so +up the queerest courts, and down the strangest alleys and under the +blindest archways, in a kind of frenzy; now skipping over a kennel, +now running for his life from a coach and horses; now thinking he +had lost his way, now thinking he had found it; now in a state of +the highest confidence, now despondent to the last degree, but +always in a great perspiration and flurry; until at length they +stopped in a kind of paved yard near the Monument. That is to say, +Mr Pecksniff told them so; for as to anything they could see of the +Monument, or anything else but the buildings close at hand, they +might as well have been playing blindman's buff at Salisbury. + +Mr Pecksniff looked about him for a moment, and then knocked at the +door of a very dingy edifice, even among the choice collection of +dingy edifices at hand; on the front of which was a little oval +board like a tea-tray, with this inscription--'Commercial Boarding- +House: M. Todgers.' + +It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr Pecksniff knocked +twice and rang thrice, without making any impression on anything but +a dog over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn +with a rusty noise, as if the weather had made the very fastenings +hoarse, and a small boy with a large red head, and no nose to speak +of, and a very dirty Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who +(being surprised) rubbed the nose just mentioned with the back of a +shoe-brush, and said nothing. + +'Still a-bed my man?' asked Mr Pecksniff. + +'Still a-bed!' replied the boy. 'I wish they wos still a-bed. +They're very noisy a-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I +thought you was the Paper, and wondered why you didn't shove +yourself through the grating as usual. What do you want?' + +Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to +have preferred this question sternly, and in something of a defiant +manner. But Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put +a card in his hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them +in the meanwhile into a room where there was a fire. + +'Or if there's one in the eating parlour,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I can +find it myself.' So he led his daughters, without waiting for any +further introduction, into a room on the ground-floor, where a +table-cloth (rather a tight and scanty fit in reference to the table +it covered) was already spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty +dish of pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of +loaf which is known to housekeepers as a slack-baked, crummy +quartern; a liberal provision of cups and saucers; and the usual +appendages. + +Inside the fender were some half-dozen pairs of shoes and boots, of +various sizes, just cleaned and turned with the soles upwards to +dry; and a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked +--in sport, it would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down +for the purpose, pending his toilet, and gone up again--'Jinkins's +Particular,' while the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming +to be the portrait of Jinkins himself. + +M. Todgers's Commercial Boarding-House was a house of that sort +which is likely to be dark at any time; but that morning it was +especially dark. There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the +concentrated essence of all the dinners that had been cooked in the +kitchen since the house was built, lingered at the top of the +kitchen stairs to that hour, and like the Black Friar in Don Juan, +'wouldn't be driven away.' In particular, there was a sensation of +cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever been boiled there, were +evergreens, and flourished in immortal strength. The parlour was +wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic and instinctive +consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very gloomy and +very broad, with balustrades so thick and heavy that they would have +served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing, stood +a gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three +brass balls on his head; whom few had ever seen--none ever looked in +the face--and who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other +reason than to warn heedless people from running into him +accidentally. It had not been papered or painted, hadn't Todgers's, +within the memory of man. It was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. +And, at the top of the staircase, was an old, disjointed, rickety, +ill-favoured skylight, patched and mended in all kinds of ways, +which looked distrustfully down at everything that passed below, and +covered Todgers's up as if it were a sort of human cucumber-frame, +and only people of a peculiar growth were reared there. + +Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves +at the fire ten minutes, when the sound of feet was heard upon the +stairs, and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying +in. + +M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hard-featured lady, with a +row of curls in front of her head, shaped like little barrels of +beer; and on the top of it something made of net--you couldn't call +it a cap exactly--which looked like a black cobweb. She had a +little basket on her arm, and in it a bunch of keys that jingled as +she came. In her other hand she bore a flaming tallow candle, +which, after surveying Mr Pecksniff for one instant by its light, +she put down upon the table, to the end that she might receive him +with the greater cordiality. + +'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'Welcome to London! Who would +have thought of such a visit as this, after so--dear, dear!--so many +years! How do you DO, Mr Pecksniff?' + +'As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;' Mr Pecksniff +made response. 'Why, you are younger than you used to be!' + +'YOU are, I am sure!' said Mrs Todgers. 'You're not a bit changed.' + +'What do you say to this?' cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his +hand towards the young ladies. 'Does this make me no older?' + +'Not your daughters!' exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and +clasping them. 'Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your second, and her +bridesmaid!' + +Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, 'My +daughters, Mrs Todgers. Merely my daughters.' + +'Ah!' sighed the good lady, 'I must believe you, for now I look at +'em I think I should have known 'em anywhere. My dear Miss +Pecksniffs, how happy your Pa has made me!' + +She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her +feelings or the inclemency of the morning, jerked a little pocket +handkerchief out of the little basket, and applied the same to her +face. + +'Now, my good madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I know the rules of your +establishment, and that you only receive gentlemen boarders. But it +occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my +daughters house room, and make an exception in their favour.' + +'Perhaps?' cried Mrs Todgers ecstatically. 'Perhaps?' + +'I may say then, that I was sure you would,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I +know that you have a little room of your own, and that they can be +comfortable there, without appearing at the general table.' + +'Dear girls!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I must take that liberty once +more.' + +Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, +which she accordingly did with great ardour. But the truth was that +the house being full with the exception of one bed, which would now +be occupied by Mr Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and +so much time too (for it was a knotty point how to dispose of them), +that even when this second embrace was over, she stood for some +moments gazing at the sisters, with affection beaming in one eye, +and calculation shining out of the other. + +'I think I know how to arrange it,' said Mrs Todgers, at length. 'A +sofa bedstead in the little third room which opens from my own +parlour.--Oh, you dear girls!' + +Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not +decide which was most like their poor mother (which was highly +probable, seeing that she had never beheld that lady), but that she +rather thought the youngest was; and then she said that as the +gentlemen would be down directly, and the ladies were fatigued with +travelling, would they step into her room at once? + +It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had, +as Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage (in London) of not being +overlooked; as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was +this a vainglorious boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two +feet, a brown wall with a black cistern on the top. The sleeping +apartment designed for the young ladies was approached from this +chamber by a mightily convenient little door, which would only open +when fallen against by a strong person. It commanded from a similar +point of sight another angle of the wall, and another side of the +cistern. 'Not the damp side,' said Mrs Todgers. 'THAT is Mr +Jinkins's.' + +In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the +youthful porter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs +Todgers (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with +burnt firewood), and being afterwards taken by that lady in the +fact, was dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared +breakfast for the young ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to +preside in the other room; where the joke at Mr Jinkins's expense +seemed to be proceeding rather noisily. + +'I won't ask you yet, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at +the door, 'how you like London. Shall I?' + +'We haven't seen much of it, Pa!' cried Merry. + +'Nothing, I hope,' said Cherry. (Both very miserably.) + +'Indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that's true. We have our pleasure, +and our business too, before us. All in good time. All in good +time!' + +Whether Mr Pecksniff's business in London was as strictly +professional as he had given his new pupil to understand, we shall +see, to adopt that worthy man's phraseology, 'all in good time.' + + + +CHAPTER NINE + +TOWN AND TODGER'S + + +Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the +world, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers's. And surely +London, to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers's round +and hustled it, and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar +elbows into it, and kept the air from it, and stood perpetually +between it and the light, was worthy of Todgers's, and qualified to +be on terms of close relationship and alliance with hundreds and +thousands of the odd family to which Todgers's belonged. + +You couldn't walk about Todgers's neighbourhood, as you could in any +other neighbourhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes +and byways, and court-yards, and passages; and you never once +emerged upon anything that might be reasonably called a street. A +kind of resigned distraction came over the stranger as he trod those +devious mazes, and, giving himself up for lost, went in and out and +round about and quietly turned back again when he came to a dead +wall or was stopped by an iron railing, and felt that the means of +escape might possibly present themselves in their own good time, but +that to anticipate them was hopeless. Instances were known of +people who, being asked to dine at Todgers's, had travelled round +and round for a weary time, with its very chimney-pots in view; and +finding it, at last, impossible of attainment, had gone home again +with a gentle melancholy on their spirits, tranquil and +uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Todgers's on a verbal +direction, though given within a few minutes' walk of it. Cautious +emigrants from Scotland or the North of England had been known to +reach it safely, by impressing a charity-boy, town-bred, and +bringing him along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the +postman; but these were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the +rule that Todgers's was in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was +known but to a chosen few. + +Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers's; and one of the +first impressions wrought upon the stranger's senses was of oranges +--of damaged oranges--with blue and green bruises on them, festering +in boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of +porters from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back +a bursting chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow +passages; while underneath the archway by the public-house, the +knots of those who rested and regaled within, were piled from +morning until night. Strange solitary pumps were found near +Todgers's hiding themselves for the most part in blind alleys, and +keeping company with fire-ladders. There were churches also by +dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard, all overgrown with +such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously from damp, +and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy resting-places +which bore much the same analogy to green churchyards, as the pots +of earth for mignonette and wall-flower in the windows overlooking +them did to rustic gardens, there were trees; tall trees; still +putting forth their leaves in each succeeding year, with such a +languishing remembrance of their kind (so one might fancy, looking +on their sickly boughs) as birds in cages have of theirs. Here, +paralysed old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at night, year +after year, until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood; and, +saving that they slept below the ground a sounder sleep than even +they had ever known above it, and were shut up in another kind of +box, their condition can hardly be said to have undergone any +material change when they, in turn, were watched themselves. + +Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and +there, an ancient doorway of carved oak, from which, of old, the +sounds of revelry and feasting often came; but now these mansions, +only used for storehouses, were dark and dull, and, being filled +with wool, and cotton, and the like--such heavy merchandise as +stifles sound and stops the throat of echo--had an air of palpable +deadness about them which, added to their silence and desertion, +made them very grim. In like manner, there were gloomy courtyards +in these parts, into which few but belated wayfarers ever strayed, +and where vast bags and packs of goods, upward or downward bound, +were for ever dangling between heaven and earth from lofty cranes +There were more trucks near Todgers's than you would suppose whole +city could ever need; not active trucks, but a vagabond race, for +ever lounging in the narrow lanes before their masters' doors and +stopping up the pass; so that when a stray hackney-coach or +lumbering waggon came that way, they were the cause of such an +uproar as enlivened the whole neighbourhood, and made the bells in +the next churchtower vibrate again. In the throats and maws of dark +no-thoroughfares near Todgers's, individual wine-merchants and +wholesale dealers in grocery-ware had perfect little towns of their +own; and, deep among the foundations of these buildings, the ground +was undermined and burrowed out into stables, where cart-horses, +troubled by rats, might be heard on a quiet Sunday rattling their +halters, as disturbed spirits in tales of haunted houses are said to +clank their chains. + +To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret +existence near Todgers's, would fill a goodly book; while a second +volume no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the +quaint old guests who frequented their dimly lighted parlours. +These were, in general, ancient inhabitants of that region; born, +and bred there from boyhood. who had long since become wheezy and +asthmatical, and short of breath, except in the article of story- +telling; in which respect they were still marvellously long-winded. +These gentry were much opposed to steam and all new-fangled ways, +and held ballooning to be sinful, and deplored the degeneracy of the +times; which that particular member of each little club who kept the +keys of the nearest church, professionally, always attributed to the +prevalence of dissent and irreligion; though the major part of the +company inclined to the belief that virtue went out with hair- +powder, and that Old England's greatness had decayed amain with +barbers. + +As to Todgers's itself--speaking of it only as a house in that +neighbourhood, and making no reference to its merits as a commercial +boarding establishment--it was worthy to stand where it did. There +was one staircase-window in it, at the side of the house, on the +ground floor; which tradition said had not been opened for a hundred +years at least, and which, abutting on an always dirty lane, was so +begrimed and coated with a century's mud, that no one pane of glass +could possibly fall out, though all were cracked and broken twenty +times. But the grand mystery of Todgers's was the cellarage, +approachable only by a little back door and a rusty grating; which +cellarage within the memory of man had had no connection with the +house, but had always been the freehold property of somebody else, +and was reported to be full of wealth; though in what shape--whether +in silver, brass, or gold, or butts of wine, or casks of gun-powder-- +was matter of profound uncertainty and supreme indifference to +Todgers's and all its inmates. + +The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of +terrace on the roof, with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once +intended to dry clothes upon; and there were two or three tea-chests +out there, full of earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old +walking-sticks. Whoever climbed to this observatory, was stunned at +first from having knocked his head against the little door in coming +out; and after that, was for the moment choked from having looked +perforce, straight down the kitchen chimney; but these two stages +over, there were things to gaze at from the top of Todgers's, well +worth your seeing too. For first and foremost, if the day were +bright, you observed upon the house-tops, stretching far away, a +long dark path; the shadow of the Monument; and turning round, the +tall original was close beside you, with every hair erect upon his +golden head, as if the doings of the city frightened him. Then +there were steeples, towers, belfries, shining vanes, and masts of +ships; a very forest. Gables, housetops, garret-windows, wilderness +upon wilderness. Smoke and noise enough for all the world at once. + +After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of +this crowd of objects, which sprung out from the mass without any +reason, as it were, and took hold of the attention whether the +spectator would or no. Thus, the revolving chimney-pots on one +great stack of buildings seemed to be turning gravely to each other +every now and then, and whispering the result of their separate +observation of what was going on below. Others, of a crook-backed +shape, appeared to be maliciously holding themselves askew, that +they might shut the prospect out and baffle Todgers's. The man who +was mending a pen at an upper window over the way, became of +paramount importance in the scene, and made a blank in it, +ridiculously disproportionate in its extent, when he retired. The +gambols of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more +interest for the moment than all the changing motion of the crowd. +Yet even while the looker-on felt angry with himself for this, and +wondered how it was, the tumult swelled into a roar; the hosts of +objects seemed to thicken and expand a hundredfold, and after gazing +round him, quite scared, he turned into Todgers's again, much more +rapidly than he came out; and ten to one he told M. Todgers +afterwards that if he hadn't done so, he would certainly have come +into the street by the shortest cut; that is to say, head-foremost. + +So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they retired with Mrs Todgers +from this place of espial, leaving the youthful porter to close the +door and follow them downstairs; who, being of a playful temperament, +and contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of +life, any chance of dashing himself into small fragments, lingered +behind to walk upon the parapet. + +It being the second day of their stay in London, the Miss Pecksniffs +and Mrs Todgers were by this time highly confidential, insomuch that +the last-named lady had already communicated the particulars of +three early disappointments of a tender nature; and had furthermore +possessed her young friends with a general summary of the life, +conduct, and character of Mr Todgers. Who, it seemed, had cut his +matrimonial career rather short, by unlawfully running away from his +happiness, and establishing himself in foreign countries as a +bachelor. + +'Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,' +said Mrs Todgers, 'but to be your ma was too much happiness denied +me. You'd hardly know who this was done for, perhaps?' + +She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little +blister, which was tacked up over the kettle-holder, and in which +there was a dreamy shadowing forth of her own visage. + +'It's a speaking likeness!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'It was considered so once,' said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in a +gentlemanly manner at the fire; 'but I hardly thought you would have +known it, my loves.' + +They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it +in the street, or seen it in a shop window, they would have cried +'Good gracious! Mrs Todgers!' + +'Presiding over an establishment like this, makes sad havoc with the +features, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers. 'The gravy +alone, is enough to add twenty years to one's age, I do assure you.' + +'Lor'!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'The anxiety of that one item, my dears,' said Mrs Todgers, 'keeps +the mind continually upon the stretch. There is no such passion in +human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. +It's nothing to say a joint won't yield--a whole animal wouldn't +yield--the amount of gravy they expect each day at dinner. And what +I have undergone in consequence,' cried Mrs Todgers, raising her +eyes and shaking her head, 'no one would believe!' + +'Just like Mr Pinch, Merry!' said Charity. 'We have always noticed +it in him, you remember?' + +'Yes, my dear,' giggled Merry, 'but we have never given it him, you +know.' + +'You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't help +themselves, are able to take your own way,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but in +a commercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturday +evening, "Mrs Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the +cheese," it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding. +Your pa was kind enough,' added the good lady, 'to invite me to take +a ride with you to-day; and I think he mentioned that you were going +to call upon Miss Pinch. Any relation to the gentleman you were +speaking of just now, Miss Pecksniff?' + +'For goodness sake, Mrs Todgers,' interposed the lively Merry, +'don't call him a gentleman. My dear Cherry, Pinch a gentleman! +The idea!' + +'What a wicked girl you are!' cried Mrs Todgers, embracing her with +great affection. 'You are quite a quiz, I do declare! My dear Miss +Pecksniff, what a happiness your sister's spirits must be to your pa +and self!' + +'He's the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in +existence,' resumed Merry: 'quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest +frightfullest being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I +leave you to suppose what SHE is. I shall be obliged to laugh +outright, I know I shall!' cried the charming girl, 'I never shall +be able to keep my countenance. The notion of a Miss Pinch +presuming to exist at all is sufficient to kill one, but to see her +--oh my stars!' + +Mrs Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love's humour, and +declared she was quite afraid of her, that she was. She was so very +severe. + +'Who is severe?' cried a voice at the door. 'There is no such thing +as severity in our family, I hope!' And then Mr Pecksniff peeped +smilingly into the room, and said, 'May I come in, Mrs Todgers?' + +Mrs Todgers almost screamed, for the little door of communication +between that room and the inner one being wide open, there was a +full disclosure of the sofa bedstead in all its monstrous +impropriety. But she had the presence of mind to close this portal +in the twinkling of an eye; and having done so, said, though not +without confusion, 'Oh yes, Mr Pecksniff, you can come in, if you +please.' + +'How are we to-day,' said Mr Pecksniff, jocosely. 'and what are our +plans? Are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch's sister? Ha, ha, ha! +Poor Thomas Pinch!' + +'Are we ready,' returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with +mysterious intelligence, 'to send a favourable reply to Mr Jinkins's +round-robin? That's the first question, Mr Pecksniff.' + +'Why Mr Jinkins's robin, my dear madam?' asked Mr Pecksniff, putting +one arm round Mercy, and the other round Mrs Todgers, whom he +seemed, in the abstraction of the moment, to mistake for Charity. +'Why Mr Jinkins's?' + +'Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in +the house,' said Mrs Todgers, playfully. 'That's why, sir.' + +'Jinkins is a man of superior talents,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I +have conceived a great regard for Jinkins. I take Jinkins's desire +to pay polite attention to my daughters, as an additional proof of +the friendly feeling of Jinkins, Mrs Todgers.' + +'Well now,' returned that lady, 'having said so much, you must say +the rest, Mr Pecksniff; so tell the dear young ladies all about it.' + +With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff's grasp, and took +Miss Charity into her own embrace; though whether she was impelled +to this proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had +conceived for that young lady, or whether it had any reference to a +lowering, not to say distinctly spiteful expression which had been +visible in her face for some moments, has never been exactly +ascertained. Be this as it may, Mr Pecksniff went on to inform his +daughters of the purport and history of the round-robin aforesaid, +which was in brief, that the commercial gentlemen who helped to make +up the sum and substance of that noun of multitude signifying +many, called Todgers's, desired the honour of their presence at the +general table, so long as they remained in the house, and besought +that they would grace the board at dinner-time next day, the same +being Sunday. He further said, that Mrs Todgers being a consenting +party to this invitation, he was willing, for his part, to accept +it; and so left them that he might write his gracious answer, the +while they armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter +defeat and overthrow of Miss Pinch. + +Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; +perhaps the wealthiest brass and copper founders' family known to +mankind. They lived at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce, +that its mere outside, like the outside of a giant's castle, struck +terror into vulgar minds and made bold persons quail. There was a +great front gate; with a great bell, whose handle was in itself a +note of admiration; and a great lodge; which being close to the +house, rather spoilt the look-out certainly but made the look-in +tremendous. At this entry, a great porter kept constant watch and +ward; and when he gave the visitor high leave to pass, he rang a +second great bell, responsive to whose note a great footman appeared +in due time at the great halldoor, with such great tags upon his +liveried shoulder that he was perpetually entangling and hooking +himself among the chairs and tables, and led a life of torment which +could scarcely have been surpassed, if he had been a blue-bottle in +a world of cobwebs. + +To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs +Todgers, drove gallantly in a one-horse fly. The foregoing +ceremonies having been all performed, they were ushered into the +house; and so, by degrees, they got at last into a small room with +books in it, where Mr Pinch's sister was at that moment instructing +her eldest pupil; to wit, a premature little woman of thirteen years +old, who had already arrived at such a pitch of whalebone and +education that she had nothing girlish about her, which was a source +of great rejoicing to all her relations and friends. + +'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' said the footman. He must have been an +ingenious young man, for he said it very cleverly; with a nice +discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have +announced visitors to the family, and the warm personal interest +with which he would have announced visitors to the cook. + +'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' + +Miss Pinch rose hastily; with such tokens of agitation as plainly +declared that her list of callers was not numerous. At the same +time, the little pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared +herself to take mental notes of all that might be said and done. +For the lady of the establishment was curious in the natural history +and habits of the animal called Governess, and encouraged her +daughters to report thereon whenever occasion served; which was, in +reference to all parties concerned, very laudable, improving, and +pleasant. + +It is a melancholy fact; but it must be related, that Mr Pinch's +sister was not at all ugly. On the contrary, she had a good face; a +very mild and prepossessing face; and a pretty little figure--slight +and short, but remarkable for its neatness. There was something of +her brother, much of him indeed, in a certain gentleness of manner, +and in her look of timid trustfulness; but she was so far from being +a fright, or a dowdy, or a horror, or anything else, predicted by +the two Miss Pecksniffs, that those young ladies naturally regarded +her with great indignation, feeling that this was by no means what +they had come to see. + +Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gaiety, bore up the best +against this disappointment, and carried it off, in outward show at +least, with a titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her +disdain, expressed it pretty openly in her looks. As to Mrs +Todgers, she leaned on Mr Pecksniff's arm and preserved a kind of +genteel grimness, suitable to any state of mind, and involving any +shade of opinion. + +'Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking her hand +condescendingly in one of his, and patting it with the other. 'I +have called to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your +brother, Thomas Pinch. My name--compose yourself, Miss Pinch--is +Pecksniff.' + +The good man emphasised these words as though he would have said, +'You see in me, young person, the benefactor of your race; the +patron of your house; the preserver of your brother, who is fed with +manna daily from my table; and in right of whom there is a +considerable balance in my favour at present standing in the books +beyond the sky. But I have no pride, for I can afford to do without +it!' + +The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel truth. Her +brother writing in the fullness of his simple heart, had often told +her so, and how much more! As Mr Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung +her head, and dropped a tear upon his hand. + +'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the sharp pupil, 'crying before +strangers, as if you didn't like the situation!' + +'Thomas is well,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and sends his love and this +letter. I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will ever be +distinguished in our profession; but he has the will to do well, +which is the next thing to having the power; and, therefore, we must +bear with him. Eh?' + +'I know he has the will, sir,' said Tom Pinch's sister, 'and I know +how kindly and considerately you cherish it, for which neither he +nor I can ever be grateful enough, as we very often say in writing +to each other. The young ladies too,' she added, glancing +gratefully at his two daughters, 'I know how much we owe to them.' + +'My dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: +'Thomas's sister is saying something you will be glad to hear, I +think.' + +'We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!' cried Cherry, as they +both apprised Tom Pinch's sister, with a curtsey, that they would +feel obliged if she would keep her distance. 'Mr Pinch's being so +well provided for is owing to you alone, and we can only say how +glad we are to hear that he is as grateful as he ought to be.' + +'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the pupil again. 'Got a +grateful brother, living on other people's kindness!' + +'It was very kind of you,' said Tom Pinch's sister, with Tom's own +simplicity and Tom's own smile, 'to come here; very kind indeed; +though how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish +to see you, and to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so +light of benefits conferred, can scarcely think.' + +'Very grateful; very pleasant; very proper,' murmured Mr Pecksniff. + +'It makes me happy too,' said Ruth Pinch, who now that her first +surprise was over, had a chatty, cheerful way with her, and a +single-hearted desire to look upon the best side of everything, +which was the very moral and image of Tom; 'very happy to think that +you will be able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated +here, and how unnecessary it is that he should ever waste a regret +on my being cast upon my own resources. Dear me! So long as I heard +that he was happy, and he heard that I was,' said Tom's sister, 'we +could both bear, without one impatient or complaining thought, a +great deal more than ever we have had to endure, I am very certain.' +And if ever the plain truth were spoken on this occasionally false +earth, Tom's sister spoke it when she said that. + +'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to +the pupil; 'certainly. And how do YOU do, my very interesting +child?' + +'Quite well, I thank you, sir,' replied that frosty innocent. + +'A sweet face this, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to his +daughters. 'A charming manner!' + +Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy +house (through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents +might be supposed to lie) from the first. Mrs Todgers vowed that +anything one quarter so angelic she had never seen. 'She wanted but +a pair of wings, a dear,' said that good woman, 'to be a young +syrup'--meaning, possibly, young sylph, or seraph. + +'If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable +little friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, producing one of his professional +cards, 'and will say that I and my daughters--' + +'And Mrs Todgers, pa,' said Merry. + +'And Mrs Todgers, of London,' added Mr Pecksniff; 'that I, and my +daughters, and Mrs Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, as +our object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose +brother is a young man in my employment; but that I could not leave +this very chaste mansion, without adding my humble tribute, as an +Architect, to the correctness and elegance of the owner's taste, and +to his just appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of +which I have devoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and +advancement I have sacrified a--a fortune--I shall be very much +obliged to you.' + +'Missis's compliments to Miss Pinch,' said the footman, suddenly +appearing, and speaking in exactly the same key as before, 'and begs +to know wot my young lady is a-learning of just now.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Here is the young man. HE will take the +card. With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we +are interrupting the studies. Let us go.' + +Some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Mrs Todgers's +unstrapping her little flat hand-basket, and hurriedly entrusting +the 'young man' with one of her own cards, which, in addition to +certain detailed information relative to the terms of the commercial +establishment, bore a foot-note to the effect that M. T. took that +opportunity of thanking those gentlemen who had honoured her with +their favours, and begged they would have the goodness, if satisfied +with the table, to recommend her to their friends. But Mr +Pecksniff, with admirable presence of mind, recovered this document, +and buttoned it up in his own pocket. + +Then he said to Miss Pinch--with more condescension and kindness +than ever, for it was desirable the footman should expressly +understand that they were not friends of hers, but patrons: + +'Good morning. Good-bye. God bless you! You may depend upon my +continued protection of your brother Thomas. Keep your mind quite +at ease, Miss Pinch!' + +'Thank you,' said Tom's sister heartily; 'a thousand times.' + +'Not at all,' he retorted, patting her gently on the head. 'Don't +mention it. You will make me angry if you do. My sweet child'--to +the pupil--'farewell! That fairy creature,' said Mr Pecksniff, +looking in his pensive mood hard at the footman, as if he meant him, +'has shed a vision on my path, refulgent in its nature, and not +easily to be obliterated. My dears, are you ready?' + +They were not quite ready yet, for they were still caressing the +pupil. But they tore themselves away at length; and sweeping past +Miss Pinch with each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsey +strangled in its birth, flounced into the passage. + +The young man had rather a long job in showing them out; for Mr +Pecksniff's delight in the tastefulness of the house was such that +he could not help often stopping (particularly when they were near +the parlour door) and giving it expression, in a loud voice and very +learned terms. Indeed, he delivered, between the study and the +hall, a familiar exposition of the whole science of architecture as +applied to dwelling-houses, and was yet in the freshness of his +eloquence when they reached the garden. + +'If you look,' said Mr Pecksniff, backing from the steps, with his +head on one side and his eyes half-shut that he might the better +take in the proportions of the exterior: 'If you look, my dears, at +the cornice which supports the roof, and observe the airiness of its +construction, especially where it sweeps the southern angle of the +building, you will feel with me--How do you do, sir? I hope you're +well?' + +Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to a +middle-aged gentleman at an upper window, to whom he spoke--not +because the gentleman could hear him (for he certainly could not), +but as an appropriate accompaniment to his salutation. + +'I have no doubt, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, feigning to point +out other beauties with his hand, 'that this is the proprietor. I +should be glad to know him. It might lead to something. Is he +looking this way, Charity?' + +'He is opening the window pa!' + +'Ha, ha!' cried Mr Pecksniff softly. 'All right! He has found I'm +professional. He heard me inside just now, I have no doubt. Don't +look! With regard to the fluted pillars in the portico, my dears--' + +'Hallo!' cried the gentleman. + +'Sir, your servant!' said Mr Pecksniff, taking off his hat. 'I am +proud to make your acquaintance.' + +'Come off the grass, will you!' roared the gentleman. + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, doubtful of his having +heard aright. 'Did you--?' + +'Come off the grass!' repeated the gentleman, warmly. + +'We are unwilling to intrude, sir,' Mr Pecksniff smilingly began. + +'But you ARE intruding,' returned the other, 'unwarrantably +intruding. Trespassing. You see a gravel walk, don't you? What +do you think it's meant for? Open the gate there! Show that party +out!' + +With that he clapped down the window again, and disappeared. + +Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and +in profound silence to the fly, gazing at the clouds as he went, +with great interest. After helping his daughters and Mrs Todgers +into that conveyance, he stood looking at it for some moments, as if +he were not quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple; but +having settled this point in his mind, he got into his place, spread +his hands out on his knees, and smiled upon the three beholders. + +But his daughters, less tranquil-minded, burst into a torrent of +indignation. This came, they said, of cherishing such creatures as +the Pinches. This came of lowering themselves to their level. This +came of putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to +know such bold, audacious, cunning, dreadful girls as that. They +had expected this. They had predicted it to Mrs Todgers, as she +(Todgers) could depone, that very morning. To this, they added, +that the owner of the house, supposing them to be Miss Pinch's +friends, had acted, in their opinion, quite correctly, and had done +no more than, under such circumstances, might reasonably have been +expected. To that they added (with a trifling inconsistency), that +he was a brute and a bear; and then they merged into a flood of +tears, which swept away all wandering epithets before it. + +Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as +the Seraph, who, immediately on the withdrawal of the visitors, had +hastened to report them at head-quarters, with a full account of +their having presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a +message afterwards consigned to the footman; which outrage, taken in +conjunction with Mr Pecksniff's unobtrusive remarks on the +establishment, might possibly have had some share in their +dismissal. Poor Miss Pinch, however, had to bear the brunt of it +with both parties; being so severely taken to task by the Seraph's +mother for having such vulgar acquaintances, that she was fain to +retire to her own room in tears, which her natural cheerfulness and +submission, and the delight of having seen Mr Pecksniff, and having +received a letter from her brother, were at first insufficient to +repress. + +As to Mr Pecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good action was +its own reward; and rather gave them to understand, that if he could +have been kicked in such a cause, he would have liked it all the +better. But this was no comfort to the young ladies, who scolded +violently the whole way back, and even exhibited, more than once, a +keen desire to attack the devoted Mrs Todgers; on whose personal +appearance, but particularly on whose offending card and hand- +basket, they were secretly inclined to lay the blame of half their +failure. + +Todgers's was in a great bustle that evening, partly owing to some +additional domestic preparations for the morrow, and partly to the +excitement always inseparable in that house from Saturday night, +when every gentleman's linen arrived at a different hour in its own +little bundle, with his private account pinned on the outside. +There was always a great clinking of pattens downstairs, too, until +midnight or so, on Saturdays; together with a frequent gleaming of +mysterious lights in the area; much working at the pump; and a +constant jangling of the iron handle of the pail. Shrill +altercations from time to time arose between Mrs Todgers and unknown +females in remote back kitchens; and sounds were occasionally heard, +indicative of small articles of iron mongery and hardware being +thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on Saturdays, to +roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade all parts of +the house in an apron of coarse green baize; moreover, he was more +strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a busy +time), to make excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he +answered the door, and there to play at leap-frog and other sports +with vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his +head or the lobe of his ear; thus he was quite a conspicuous feature +among the peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers's. + +He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and +honoured the Miss Pecksniffs with a deal of notice; seldom passing +the door of Mrs Todgers's private room, where they sat alone before +the fire, working by the light of a solitary candle, without putting +in his head and greeting them with some such compliments as, 'There +you are agin!' 'An't it nice?'--and similar humorous attentions. + +'I say,' he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro, +'young ladies, there's soup to-morrow. She's a-making it now. An't +she a-putting in the water? Oh! not at all neither!' + +In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head +again. + +'I say! There's fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!' + +Presently he called through the key-hole: + +'There's a fish to-morrow. Just come. Don't eat none of him!' And, +with this special warning, vanished again. + +By-and-bye, he returned to lay the cloth for supper; it having been +arranged between Mrs Todgers and the young ladies, that they should +partake of an exclusive veal-cutlet together in the privacy of that +apartment. He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the +lighted candle into his mouth, and exhibiting his face in a state of +transparency; after the performance of which feat, he went on with +his professional duties; brightening every knife as he laid it on +the table, by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the +same on the apron already mentioned. When he had completed his +preparations, he grinned at the sisters, and expressed his belief +that the approaching collation would be of 'rather a spicy sort.' + +'Will it be long, before it's ready, Bailey?' asked Mercy. + + 'No,' said Bailey, 'it IS cooked. When I come up, she was dodging +among the tender pieces with a fork, and eating of 'em.' + +But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he +received a manual compliment on the head, which sent him staggering +against the wall; and Mrs Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly +before him. + +'Oh you little villain!' said that lady. 'Oh you bad, false boy!' + +'No worse than yerself,' retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a +principle invented by Mr Thomas Cribb. 'Ah! Come now! Do that +again, will yer?' + +'He's the most dreadful child,' said Mrs Todgers, setting down the +dish, 'I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that +extent, and teach him such things, that I'm afraid nothing but +hanging will ever do him any good.' + +'Won't it!' cried Bailey. 'Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin the +table-beer for then, and destroying my constitooshun?' + +'Go downstairs, you vicious boy,' said Mrs Todgers, holding the +door open. 'Do you hear me? Go along!' + +After two or three dexterous feints, he went, and was seen no more +that night, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot +water, and much disturbed the two Miss Pecksniffs by squinting +hideously behind the back of the unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having +done this justice to his wounded feelings, he retired underground; +where, in company with a swarm of black beetles and a kitchen +candle, he employed his faculties in cleaning boots and brushing +clothes until the night was far advanced. + +Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but +he was known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, +had been converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted +into Uncle; which, by an easy transition, had again passed into +Barnwell, in memory of the celebrated relative in that degree who +was shot by his nephew George, while meditating in his garden at +Camberwell. The gentlemen at Todgers's had a merry habit, too, of +bestowing upon him, for the time being, the name of any notorious +malefactor or minister; and sometimes when current events were flat +they even sought the pages of history for these distinctions; as Mr +Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the period of which we +write, he was generally known among the gentlemen as Bailey junior; +a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction, perhaps, to Old +Bailey; and possibly as involving the recollection of an unfortunate +lady of the same name, who perished by her own hand early in life, +and has been immortalised in a ballad. + +The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers's was two o'clock--a +suitable time, it was considered for all parties; convenient to Mrs +Todgers, on account of the bakers; and convenient to the gentlemen +with reference to their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday +which was to introduce the two Miss Pecksniffs to a full knowledge +of Todgers's and its society, the dinner was postponed until five, +in order that everything might be as genteel as the occasion +demanded. + +When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement, +appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too +large for him, and in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such +extraordinary magnitude, that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for +his ready wit) called him 'collars' on the spot. At about a quarter +before five, a deputation, consisting of Mr Jinkins, and another +gentleman, whose name was Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs +Todgers's room, and, being formally introduced to the two Miss +Pecksniffs by their parent who was in waiting, besought the honour +of conducting them upstairs. + +The drawing-room at Todgers's was out of the common style; so much +so indeed, that you would hardly have taken it to be a drawingroom, +unless you were told so by somebody who was in the secret. It was +floor-clothed all over; and the ceiling, including a great beam in +the middle, was papered. Besides the three little windows, with +seats in them, commanding the opposite archway, there was another +window looking point blank, without any compromise at all about it +into Jinkins's bedroom; and high up, all along one side of the wall +was a strip of panes of glass, two-deep, giving light to the +staircase. There were the oddest closets possible, with little +casements in them like eight-day clocks, lurking in the wainscot and +taking the shape of the stairs; and the very door itself (which was +painted black) had two great glass eyes in its forehead, with an +inquisitive green pupil in the middle of each. + +Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of +'Hear, hear!' and 'Bravo Jink!' when Mr Jinkins appeared with +Charity on his arm; which became quite rapturous as Mr Gander +followed, escorting Mercy, and Mr Pecksniff brought up the rear with +Mrs Todgers. + +Then the presentations took place. They included a gentleman of a +sporting turn, who propounded questions on jockey subjects to the +editors of Sunday papers, which were regarded by his friends as +rather stiff things to answer; and they included a gentleman of a +theatrical turn, who had once entertained serious thoughts of +'coming out,' but had been kept in by the wickedness of human +nature; and they included a gentleman of a debating turn, who was +strong at speech-making; and a gentleman of a literary turn, who +wrote squibs upon the rest, and knew the weak side of everybody's +character but his own. There was a gentleman of a vocal turn, and a +gentleman of a smoking turn, and a gentleman of a convivial turn; +some of the gentlemen had a turn for whist, and a large proportion +of the gentlemen had a strong turn for billiards and betting. They +had all, it may be presumed, a turn for business; being all +commercially employed in one way or other; and had, every one in his +own way, a decided turn for pleasure to boot. Mr Jinkins was of a +fashionable turn; being a regular frequenter of the Parks on +Sundays, and knowing a great many carriages by sight. He spoke +mysteriously, too, of splendid women, and was suspected of having +once committed himself with a Countess. Mr Gander was of a witty +turn being indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about +'collars;' which sparkling pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to +mouth, under the title of Gander's Last, and was received in all +parts of the room with great applause. Mr Jinkins it may be added, +was much the oldest of the party; being a fish-salesman's book- +keeper, aged forty. He was the oldest boarder also; and in right of +his double seniority, took the lead in the house, as Mrs Todgers had +already said. + +There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor +Mrs Todgers, being reproached in confidence by Jinkins, slipped in +and out, at least twenty times to see about it; always coming back +as though she had no such thing upon her mind, and hadn't been out +at all. But there was no hitch in the conversation nevertheless; +for one gentleman, who travelled in the perfumery line, exhibited an +interesting nick-nack, in the way of a remarkable cake of shaving +soap which he had lately met with in Germany; and the gentleman of a +literary turn repeated (by desire) some sarcastic stanzas he had +recently produced on the freezing of the tank at the back of the +house. These amusements, with the miscellaneous conversation +arising out of them, passed the time splendidly, until dinner was +announced by Bailey junior in these terms: + +'The wittles is up!' + +On which notice they immediately descended to the banquet-hall; some +of the more facetious spirits in the rear taking down gentlemen as +if they were ladies, in imitation of the fortunate possessors of the +two Miss Pecksniffs. + +Mr Pecksniff said grace--a short and pious grace, involving a +blessing on the appetites of those present, and committing all +persons who had nothing to eat, to the care of Providence; whose +business (so said the grace, in effect) it clearly was, to look +after them. This done, they fell to with less ceremony than +appetite; the table groaning beneath the weight, not only of the +delicacies whereof the Miss Pecksniffs had been previously +forewarned, but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies and +abundance of such heavy vegetables as are favourably known to +housekeepers for their satisfying qualities. Besides which, there +were bottles of stout, bottles of wine, bottles of ale, and divers +other strong drinks, native and foreign. + +All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were +in immense request; sitting one on either hand of Mr Jinkins at the +bottom of the table; and who were called upon to take wine with some +new admirer every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant, +and so full of conversation, in their lives; Mercy, in particular, +was uncommonly brilliant, and said so many good things in the way of +lively repartee that she was looked upon as a prodigy. 'In short,' +as that young lady observed, 'they felt now, indeed, that they were +in London, and for the first time too.' + +Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the +fullest extent, and, abating nothing of his patronage, gave them +every encouragement in his power; favouring them, when the general +attention was diverted from his proceedings, with many nods and +winks and other tokens of recognition, and occasionally touching his +nose with a corkscrew, as if to express the Bacchanalian character +of the meeting. In truth, perhaps even the spirits of the two Miss +Pecksniffs, and the hungry watchfulness of Mrs Todgers, were less +worthy of note than the proceedings of this remarkable boy, whom +nothing disconcerted or put out of his way. If any piece of +crockery, a dish or otherwise, chanced to slip through his hands +(which happened once or twice), he let it go with perfect good +breeding, and never added to the painful emotions of the company by +exhibiting the least regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and fro, +disturb the repose of the assembly, as many well-trained servants +do; on the contrary, feeling the hopelessness of waiting upon so +large a party, he left the gentlemen to help themselves to what they +wanted, and seldom stirred from behind Mr Jinkins's chair, where, +with his hands in his pockets, and his legs planted pretty wide +apart, he led the laughter, and enjoyed the conversation. + +The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The pudding-plates +had been washed in a little tub outside the door while cheese was +on, and though they were moist and warm with friction, still there +they were again, up to the mark, and true to time. Quarts of +almonds; dozens of oranges; pounds of raisins; stacks of biffins; +soup-plates full of nuts.--Oh, Todgers's could do it when it chose! +mind that. + +Then more wine came on; red wines and white wines; and a large china +bowl of punch, brewed by the gentleman of a convivial turn, who +adjured the Miss Pecksniffs not to be despondent on account of its +dimensions, as there were materials in the house for the decoction +of half a dozen more of the same size. Good gracious, how they +laughed! How they coughed when they sipped it, because it was so +strong; and how they laughed again when somebody vowed that but for +its colour it might have been mistaken, in regard of its innocuous +qualities, for new milk! What a shout of 'No!' burst from the +gentlemen when they pathetically implored Mr Jinkins to suffer them +to qualify it with hot water; and how blushingly, by little and +little, did each of them drink her whole glassful, down to its very +dregs! + +Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanly +creature, Jinkins--never at a loss!), is about to leave the +firmament. 'Miss Pecksniff!' says Mrs Todgers, softly, 'will +you--?' 'Oh dear, no more, Mrs Todgers.' Mrs Todgers rises; the +two Miss Pecksniffs rise; all rise. Miss Mercy Pecksniff looks +downward for her scarf. Where is it? Dear me, where CAN it be? +Sweet girl, she has it on; not on her fair neck, but loose upon +her flowing figure. A dozen hands assist her. She is all confusion. +The youngest gentleman in company thirsts to murder Jinkins. She +skips and joins her sister at the door. Her sister has her arm +about the waist of Mrs Todgers. She winds her arm around her +sister. Diana, what a picture! The last things visible are a +shape and a skip. 'Gentlemen, let us drink the ladies!' + +The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn +rises in the midst, and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence +which bears down everything before it. He is reminded of a toast--a +toast to which they will respond. There is an individual present; +he has him in his eye; to whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He +repeats it--a debt of gratitude. Their rugged natures have been +softened and ameliorated that day, by the society of lovely woman. +There is a gentleman in company whom two accomplished and delightful +females regard with veneration, as the fountain of their existence. +Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs lisped in language scarce +intelligible, they called that individual 'Father!' There is great +applause. He gives them 'Mr Pecksniff, and God bless him!' They all +shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the toast. The +youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he feels +that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being +in the pink scarf for his daughter. + +What saith Mr Pecksniff in reply? Or rather let the question be, +What leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punch is called for, and +produced, and drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man +comes out freely in his own character. The gentleman of a +theatrical turn recites. The vocal gentleman regales them with a +song. Gander leaves the Gander of all former feasts whole leagues +behind. HE rises to propose a toast. It is, The Father of +Todgers's. It is their common friend Jink--it is old Jink, if he +may call him by that familiar and endearing appellation. The +youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won't +have it--he can't bear it--it mustn't be. But his depth of feeling +is misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated; and +nobody heeds him. + +Mr Jinkins thanks them from his heart. It is, by many degrees, the +proudest day in his humble career. When he looks around him on the +present occasion, he feels that he wants words in which to express +his gratitude. One thing he will say. He hopes it has been shown +that Todgers's can be true to itself; and that, an opportunity +arising, it can come out quite as strong as its neighbours--perhaps +stronger. He reminds them, amidst thunders of encouragement, that +they have heard of a somewhat similar establishment in Cannon +Street; and that they have heard it praised. He wishes to draw no +invidious comparisons; he would be the last man to do it; but when +that Cannon Street establishment shall be able to produce such a +combination of wit and beauty as has graced that board that day, and +shall be able to serve up (all things considered) such a dinner as +that of which they have just partaken, he will be happy to talk to +it. Until then, gentlemen, he will stick to Todgers's. + +More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches. Everybody's health is +drunk, saving the youngest gentleman's in company. He sits apart, +with his elbow on the back of a vacant chair, and glares +disdainfully at Jinkins. Gander, in a convulsing speech, gives them +the health of Bailey junior; hiccups are heard; and a glass is +broken. Mr Jinkins feels that it is time to join the ladies. He +proposes, as a final sentiment, Mrs Todgers. She is worthy to be +remembered separately. Hear, hear. So she is; no doubt of it. +They all find fault with her at other times; but every man feels +now, that he could die in her defence. + +They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; for +Mrs Todgers is asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting her hair, and +Mercy, who has made a sofa of one of the window-seats is in a +gracefully recumbent attitude. She is rising hastily, when Mr +Jinkins implores her, for all their sakes, not to stir; she looks +too graceful and too lovely, he remarks, to be disturbed. She +laughs, and yields, and fans herself, and drops her fan, and there +is a rush to pick it up. Being now installed, by one consent, as +the beauty of the party, she is cruel and capricious, and sends +gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen, and forgets all about them +before they can return with the answer, and invents a thousand +tortures, rending their hearts to pieces. Bailey brings up the tea +and coffee. There is a small cluster of admirers round Charity; but +they are only those who cannot get near her sister. The youngest +gentleman in company is pale, but collected, and still sits apart; +for his spirit loves to hold communion with itself, and his soul +recoils from noisy revellers. She has a consciousness of his +presence and adoration. He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner +of her eye. Have a care, Jinkins, ere you provoke a desperate man +to frenzy! + +Mr Pecksniff had followed his younger friends upstairs, and taken a +chair at the side of Mrs Todgers. He had also spilt a cup of coffee +over his legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance; nor +did he seem to know that there was muffin on his knee. + +'And how have they used you downstairs, sir?' asked the hostess. + +'Their conduct has been such, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'as +I can never think of without emotion, or remember without a tear. +Oh, Mrs Todgers!' + +'My goodness!' exclaimed that lady. 'How low you are in your +spirits, sir!' + +'I am a man, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears and +speaking with an imperfect articulation, 'but I am also a father. I +am also a widower. My feelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be +entirely smothered, like the young children in the Tower. They are +grown up, and the more I press the bolster on them, the more they +look round the corner of it.' + +He suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin, and stared at it +intently; shaking his head the while, in a forlorn and imbecile +manner, as if he regarded it as his evil genius, and mildly +reproached it. + +'She was beautiful, Mrs Todgers,' he said, turning his glazed eye +again upon her, without the least preliminary notice. 'She had a +small property.' + +'So I have heard,' cried Mrs Todgers with great sympathy. + +'Those are her daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, pointing out the young +ladies, with increased emotion. + +Mrs Todgers had no doubt about it. + +'Mercy and Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Charity and Mercy. Not +unholy names, I hope?' + +'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'What a ghastly smile! Are you +ill, sir?' + +He pressed his hand upon her arm, and answered in a solemn manner, +and a faint voice, 'Chronic.' + +'Cholic?' cried the frightened Mrs Todgers. + +'Chron-ic,' he repeated with some difficulty. 'Chron-ic. A chronic +disorder. I have been its victim from childhood. It is carrying me +to my grave.' + +'Heaven forbid!' cried Mrs Todgers. + +'Yes, it is,' said Mr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. 'I am +rather glad of it, upon the whole. You are like her, Mrs Todgers.' + +'Don't squeeze me so tight, pray, Mr Pecksniff. If any of the +gentlemen should notice us.' + +'For her sake,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Permit me--in honour of her +memory. For the sake of a voice from the tomb. You are VERY like +her Mrs Todgers! What a world this is!' + +'Ah! Indeed you may say that!' cried Mrs Todgers. + +'I'm afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world,' said Mr Pecksniff, +overflowing with despondency. 'These young people about us. Oh! +what sense have they of their responsibilities? None. Give me +your other hand, Mrs Todgers.' + +The lady hesitated, and said 'she didn't like.' + +'Has a voice from the grave no influence?' said Mr Pecksniff, with, +dismal tenderness. 'This is irreligious! My dear creature.' + +'Hush!' urged Mrs Todgers. 'Really you mustn't.' + +'It's not me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't suppose it's me; it's the +voice; it's her voice.' + +Mrs Pecksniff deceased, must have had an unusually thick and husky +voice for a lady, and rather a stuttering voice, and to say the +truth somewhat of a drunken voice, if it had ever borne much +resemblance to that in which Mr Pecksniff spoke just then. But +perhaps this was delusion on his part. + +'It has been a day of enjoyment, Mrs Todgers, but still it has been +a day of torture. It has reminded me of my loneliness. What am I +in the world?' + +'An excellent gentleman, Mr Pecksniff,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'There is consolation in that too,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Am I?' + +'There is no better man living,' said Mrs Todgers, 'I am sure.' + +Mr Pecksniff smiled through his tears, and slightly shook his head. +'You are very good,' he said, 'thank you. It is a great happiness +to me, Mrs Todgers, to make young people happy. The happiness of my +pupils is my chief object. I dote upon 'em. They dote upon me too-- +sometimes.' + +'Always,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'When they say they haven't improved, ma'am,' whispered Mr +Pecksniff, looking at her with profound mystery, and motioning to +her to advance her ear a little closer to his mouth. 'When they say +they haven't improved, ma'am, and the premium was too high, they +lie! I shouldn't wish it to be mentioned; you will understand me; +but I say to you as to an old friend, they lie.' + +'Base wretches they must be!' said Mrs Todgers. + +'Madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you are right. I respect you for that +observation. A word in your ear. To Parents and Guardians. This +is in confidence, Mrs Todgers?' + +'The strictest, of course!' cried that lady. + +'To Parents and Guardians,' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'An eligible +opportunity now offers, which unites the advantages of the best +practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and +the constant association with some, who, however humble their sphere +and limited their capacity--observe!--are not unmindful of their +moral responsibilities.' + +Mrs Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean, as +well she might; for it was, as the reader may perchance remember, Mr +Pecksniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and +seemed to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. +But Mr Pecksniff held up his finger as a caution to her not to +interrupt him. + +'Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr +Pecksniff, 'who desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for +a young gentleman? An orphan would be preferred. Do you know of +any orphan with three or four hundred pound?' + +Mrs Todgers reflected, and shook her head. + +'When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,' said +Mr Pecksniff, 'let that dear orphan's friends apply, by letter post- +paid, to S. P., Post Office, Salisbury. I don't know who he is +exactly. Don't be alarmed, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, falling +heavily against her; 'Chronic--chronic! Let's have a little drop of +something to drink.' + +'Bless my life, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried Mrs Todgers, aloud, 'your +dear pa's took very poorly!' + +Mr Pecksniff straightened himself by a surprising effort, as every +one turned hastily towards him; and standing on his feet, regarded +the assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave +place to a smile; a feeble, helpless, melancholy smile; bland, +almost to sickliness. 'Do not repine, my friends,' said Mr +Pecksniff, tenderly. 'Do not weep for me. It is chronic.' And +with these words, after making a futile attempt to pull off his +shoes, he fell into the fireplace. + +The youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second. Yes, +before a hair upon his head was singed, he had him on the hearth- +rug--her father! + +She was almost beside herself. So was her sister. Jinkins consoled +them both. They all consoled them. Everybody had something to say, +except the youngest gentleman in company, who with a noble self- +devotion did the heavy work, and held up Mr Pecksniff's head without +being taken notice of by anybody. At last they gathered round, and +agreed to carry him upstairs to bed. The youngest gentleman in +company was rebuked by Jinkins for tearing Mr Pecksniff's coat! +Ha, ha! But no matter. + +They carried him upstairs, and crushed the youngest gentleman at +every step. His bedroom was at the top of the house, and it was a +long way; but they got him there in course of time. He asked them +frequently on the road for a little drop of something to drink. It +seemed an idiosyncrasy. The youngest gentleman in company proposed +a draught of water. Mr Pecksniff called him opprobious names for +the suggestion. + +Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him as +comfortable as they could, on the outside of his bed; and when he +seemed disposed to sleep, they left him. But before they had all +gained the bottom of the staircase, a vision of Mr Pecksniff, +strangely attired, was seen to flutter on the top landing. He +desired to collect their sentiments, it seemed, upon the nature of +human life. + +'My friends,' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, 'let +us improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion. Let us be +moral. Let us contemplate existence. Where is Jinkins?' + +'Here,' cried that gentleman. 'Go to bed again' + +'To bed!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard, +I hear him complain, you have woke me too soon, I must slumber +again. If any young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple +piece from Doctor Watts's collection, an eligible opportunity now +offers.' + +Nobody volunteered. + +'This is very soothing,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a pause. +'Extremely so. Cool and refreshing; particularly to the legs! The +legs of the human subject, my friends, are a beautiful production. +Compare them with wooden legs, and observe the difference between +the anatomy of nature and the anatomy of art. Do you know,' said Mr +Pecksniff, leaning over the banisters, with an odd recollection of +his familiar manner among new pupils at home, 'that I should very +much like to see Mrs Todgers's notion of a wooden leg, if perfectly +agreeable to herself!' + +As it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him +after this speech, Mr Jinkins and Mr Gander went upstairs again, +and once more got him into bed. But they had not descended to the +second floor before he was out again; nor, when they had repeated +the process, had they descended the first flight, before he was out +again. In a word, as often as he was shut up in his own room, he +darted out afresh, charged with some new moral sentiment, which he +continually repeated over the banisters, with extraordinary relish, +and an irrepressible desire for the improvement of his fellow +creatures that nothing could subdue. + +Under these circumstances, when they had got him into bed for the +thirtieth time or so, Mr Jinkins held him, while his companion went +downstairs in search of Bailey junior, with whom he presently +returned. That youth having been apprised of the service required +of him, was in great spirits, and brought up a stool, a candle, and +his supper; to the end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom +door with tolerable comfort. + +When he had completed his arrangements, they locked Mr Pecksniff in, +and left the key on the outside; charging the young page to listen +attentively for symptoms of an apoplectic nature, with which the +patient might be troubled, and, in case of any such presenting +themselves, to summon them without delay. To which Mr Bailey +modestly replied that 'he hoped he knowed wot o'clock it wos in +gineral, and didn't date his letters to his friends from Todgers's +for nothing.' + + + +CHAPTER TEN + +CONTAINING STRANGE MATTER, ON WHICH MANY EVENTS IN THIS HISTORY MAY, +FOR THEIR GOOD OR EVIL INFLUENCE, CHIEFLY DEPEND + + +But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that? +Was he always taking his pleasure with Todgers's jovial brood, +unmindful of the serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his +calm consideration? No. + +Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men +have to wait for time and tide. That tide which, taken at the +flood, would lead Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in +the table, and about to flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far +inland, unmindful of the changes of the stream; but there, upon the +water's edge, over his shoes already, stood the worthy creature, +prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that it slid towards the +quarter of his hope. + +The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed. +They had that firm reliance on their parent's nature, which taught +them to feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight +and full before him. And that its noble end and object was himself, +which almost of necessity included them, they knew. The devotion of +these maids was perfect. + +Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their +having no knowledge of their parent's real designs, in the present +instance. All that they knew of his proceedings was, that every +morning, after the early breakfast, he repaired to the post office +and inquired for letters. That task performed, his business for the +day was over; and he again relaxed, until the rising of another sun +proclaimed the advent of another post. + +This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr +Pecksniff returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in +him, at other times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his +daughters, shut himself up with them in private conference for two +whole hours. Of all that passed in this period, only the following +words of Mr Pecksniff's utterance are known: + +'How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I +expect, that he has), we needn't stop to inquire. My dears, I have +my thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is +enough that we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he +wants our friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!' + +That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackney-coach +at the post-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter +addressed to himself, and directed to be left till called for. It +had been lying there some days. The superscription was in Mr +Pecksniff's hand, and it was sealed with Mr Pecksniff's seal. + +It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address +'with Mr Pecksniff's respectful, and (not withstanding what has +passed) sincerely affectionate regards.' The old gentleman tore off +the direction--scattering the rest in fragments to the winds--and +giving it to the coachman, bade him drive as near that place as he +could. In pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the +Monument; where he again alighted, and dismissed the vehicle, and +walked towards Todgers's. + +Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his +grip of the stout stick on which he leaned, were all expressive of a +resolution not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little +whether right or wrong, just now) such as in other days might have +survived the rack, and had its strongest life in weakest death; +still there were grains of hesitation in his mind, which made him +now avoid the house he sought, and loiter to and fro in a gleam of +sunlight, that brightened the little churchyard hard by. There may +have been, in the presence of those idle heaps of dust among the +busiest stir of life, something to increase his wavering; but there +he walked, awakening the echoes as he paced up and down, until the +church clock, striking the quarters for the second time since he had +been there, roused him from his meditation. Shaking off his +incertitude as the air parted with the sound of the bells, he walked +rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door. + +Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady's little room, and his +visitor found him reading--by an accident; he apologised for it--an +excellent theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little +table--by another accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he +said, he had given his visitor up, and was about to partake of that +simple refreshment with his children, when he knocked at the door. + +'Your daughters are well?' said old Martin, laying down his hat and +stick. + +Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when +he answered Yes, they were. They were good girls, he said, very +good. He would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the +easy-chair, or to keep out of the draught from the door. If he made +any such suggestion, he would expose himself, he feared, to most +unjust suspicion. He would, therefore, content himself with +remarking that there was an easy-chair in the room, and that the +door was far from being air-tight. This latter imperfection, he +might perhaps venture to add, was not uncommonly to be met with in +old houses. + +The old man sat down in the easy-chair, and after a few moments' +silence, said: + +'In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so +promptly, at my almost unexplained request; I need scarcely add, at +my cost.' + +'At YOUR cost, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of great +surprise. + +'It is not,' said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to +put my--well! my relatives--to any personal expense to gratify my +caprices.' + +'Caprices, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff + +'That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,' said +the old man. 'No. You are right.' + +Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he +didn't at all know why. + +'You are right,' repeated Martin. 'It is not a caprice. It is +built up on reason, proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are. +Moreover, I am not a capricious man. I never was.' + +'Most assuredly not,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'How do you know?' returned the other quickly. 'You are to begin to +know it now. You are to test and prove it, in time to come. You +and yours are to find that I can be constant, and am not to be +diverted from my end. Do you hear?' + +'Perfectly,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I very much regret,' Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and +speaking in a slow and measured tone; 'I very much regret that you +and I held such a conversation together, as that which passed +between us at our last meeting. I very much regret that I laid open +to you what were then my thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The +intentions that I bear towards you now are of another kind; deserted +by all in whom I have ever trusted; hoodwinked and beset by all who +should help and sustain me; I fly to you for refuge. I confide in +you to be my ally; to attach yourself to me by ties of Interest and +Expectation'--he laid great stress upon these words, though Mr +Pecksniff particularly begged him not to mention it; 'and to help me +to visit the consequences of the very worst species of meanness, +dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right heads.' + +'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched +hand. 'And YOU regret the having harboured unjust thoughts of me! +YOU with those grey hairs!' + +'Regrets,' said Martin, 'are the natural property of grey hairs; and +I enjoy, in common with all other men, at least my share of such +inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed +from you so long. If I had known you sooner, and sooner used you as +you well deserve, I might have been a happier man.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked up to the ceiling, and clasped his hands in +rapture. + +'Your daughters,' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I don't know +them. Are they like you?' + +'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr +Chuzzlewit,' returned the widower, 'their sainted parent (not +myself, their mother) lives again.' + +'I don't mean in person,' said the old man. 'Morally, morally.' + +''Tis not for me to say,' retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile. +'I have done my best, sir.' + +'I could wish to see them,' said Martin; 'are they near at hand?' + +They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the +door from the beginning of this conversation until now, when they +precipitately retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his +eyes, and so given them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened +the door, and mildly cried in the passage, + +'My own darlings, where are you?' + +'Here, my dear pa!' replied the distant voice of Charity. + +'Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,' said Mr +Pecksniff, 'and bring your sister with you.' + +'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being +all obedience), singing as they came. + +Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs +when they found a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could +surpass their mute amazement when he said, 'My children, Mr +Chuzzlewit!' But when he told them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were +friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit had said such kind and tender words +as pierced his very heart, the two Miss Pecksniffs cried with one +accord, 'Thank Heaven for this!' and fell upon the old man's neck. +And when they had embraced him with such fervour of affection that +no words can describe it, they grouped themselves about his chair, +and hung over him, as figuring to themselves no earthly joy like +that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into the remainder +of his life, the love they would have diffused over their whole +existence, from infancy, if he--dear obdurate!--had but consented +to receive the precious offering. + +The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr +Pecksniff, several times. + +'What,' he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its +descent; for until now it had been piously upraised, with something +of that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a +domestic bird, when breathing its last amid the ravages of an +electric storm: 'What are their names?' + +Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators +would have said, with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might +be flitting through old Martin's mind; 'Perhaps, my dears, you had +better write them down. Your humble autographs are of no value in +themselves, but affection may prize them.' + +'Affection,' said the old man, 'will expend itself on the living +originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so +easily forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of +remembrance. Cousin!' + +'Sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, with alacrity. + +'Do you never sit down?' + +'Why--yes--occasionally, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, who had been +standing all this time. + +'Will you do so now?' + +'Can you ask me,' returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair +immediately, 'whether I will do anything that you desire?' + +'You talk confidently,' said Martin, 'and you mean well; but I fear +you don't know what an old man's humours are. You don't know what +it is to be required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt +yourself to his prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to +bear with his distrusts and jealousies; and always still be zealous +in his service. When I remember how numerous these failings are in +me, and judge of their occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts +I lately entertained of you, I hardly dare to claim you for my +friend.' + +'My worthy sir,' returned his relative, 'how CAN you talk in such a +painful strain! What was more natural than that you should make one +slight mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct, +and have had such reason--such very sad and undeniable reason--to +judge of every one about you in the worst light!' + +'True,' replied the other. 'You are very lenient with me.' + +'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing +obsequiousness, 'that while we mourned the heaviness of our +misfortune in being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we +could not wonder at it. My dears, you remember?' + +Oh vividly! A thousand times! + +'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had +the presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth +would in the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. +My loves, you recollect?' + +Recollect! Could he doubt it! Dearest pa, what strange unnecessary +questions! + +'And when I saw you,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater +deference, 'in the little, unassuming village where we take the +liberty of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir; +that was all, I think?' + +'No--not all,' said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon +his brow for some time past, and now looked up again; 'you said much +more, which, added to other circumstances that have come to my +knowledge, opened my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on +behalf of--I needn't name him. You know whom I mean.' + +Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff's visage, as he pressed his +hot hands together, and replied, with humility, 'Quite +disinterestedly, sir, I assure you.' + +'I know it,' said old Martin, in his quiet way. 'I am sure of it. +I said so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw that herd of +harpies off from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men +would have suffered them to display themselves in all their +rapacity, and would have striven to rise, by contrast, in my +estimation. You felt for me, and drew them off, for which I owe you +many thanks. Although I left the place, I know what passed behind +my back, you see!' + +'You amaze me, sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff; which was true enough. + +'My knowledge of your proceedings,' said the old man, does not stop +at this. You have a new inmate in your house.' + +'Yes, sir,' rejoined the architect, 'I have.' + +'He must quit it' said Martin. + +'For--for yours?' asked Mr Pecksniff, with a quavering mildness. + +'For any shelter he can find,' the old man answered. 'He has +deceived you.' + +'I hope not' said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. 'I trust not. I have been +extremely well disposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be +shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit-- +deceit, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself +bound, on proof of deceit, to renounce him instantly.' + +The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at +Miss Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater +demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features. +His gaze again encountered Mr Pecksniff, as he said, composedly: + +'Of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice?' + +'Oh dear!' cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon +his head, and staring wildly at his daughters. 'This is becoming +tremendous!' + +'You know the fact?' repeated Martin + +'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my +dear sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't tell me that. For the honour +of human nature, say you're not about to tell me that!' + +'I thought he had suppressed it,' said the old man. + +The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure, +was only to be equalled by the kindling anger of his daughters. +What! Had they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted +serpent; a crocodile, who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an +imposition on society; a bankrupt bachelor with no effects, trading +with the spinster world on false pretences! And oh, to think that he +should have disobeyed and practised on that sweet, that venerable +gentleman, whose name he bore; that kind and tender guardian; his +more than father--to say nothing at all of mother--horrible, +horrible! To turn him out with ignominy would be treatment much too +good. Was there nothing else that could be done to him? Had he +incurred no legal pains and penalties? Could it be that the +statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed no punishment +to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they been deceived! + +'I am glad to find you second me so warmly,' said the old man +holding up his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath. 'I will not +deny that it is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We +will consider that topic as disposed of.' + +'No, my dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'not as disposed of, until I +have purged my house of this pollution.' + +'That will follow,' said the old man, 'in its own time. I look upon +that as done.' + +'You are very good, sir,' answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand. +'You do me honour. You MAY look upon it as done, I assure you.' + +'There is another topic,' said Martin, 'on which I hope you will +assist me. You remember Mary, cousin?' + +'The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having +interested me so very much,' remarked Mr Pecksniff. 'Excuse my +interrupting you, sir.' + +'I told you her history?' said the old man. + +'Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' cried Mr +Pecksniff. 'Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewit--quite moved by it, they +were!" + +'Why, look now!' said Martin, evidently pleased; 'I feared I should +have had to urge her case upon you, and ask you to regard her +favourably for my sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well! +You have no cause for any, to be sure. She has nothing to gain from +me, my dears, and she knows it.' + +The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise +arrangement, and their cordial sympathy with its interesting object. + +'If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,' +said the old man thoughfully; 'but it is too late to think of that. +You would receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her, +if need were?' + +Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have +cherished in their sisterly bosom! But when that orphan was +commended to their care by one on whom the dammed-up love of years +was gushing forth, what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned +to expend themselves upon her! + +An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame +of mind, sat gazing at the ground, without uttering a word; and as +it was plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his +meditations, Mr Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent +also. During the whole of the foregoing dialogue, he had borne his +part with a cold, passionless promptitude, as though he had learned +and painfully rehearsed it all a hundred times. Even when his +expressions were warmest and his language most encouraging, he had +retained the same manner, without the least abatement. But now +there was a keener brightness in his eye, and more expression in his +voice, as he said, awakening from his thoughtful mood: + +'You know what will be said of this? Have you reflected?' + +'Said of what, my dear sir?' Mr Pecksniff asked. + +'Of this new understanding between us.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far +above all earthly misconstruction, as he shook his head, and +observed that a great many things would be said of it, no doubt. + +'A great many,' rejoined the old man. 'Some will say that I dote in +my old age; that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all +strength of mind, and have grown childish. You can bear that?' + +Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but +he thought he could, if he made a great effort. + +'Others will say--I speak of disappointed, angry people only--that +you have lied and fawned, and wormed yourself through dirty ways +into my favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such +meannesses and vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the +legacy of half the world we live in. You can bear that?' + +Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, +as reflecting, in some degree, on the discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit. +Still he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny, +with the help of a good conscience, and that gentleman's friendship. + +'With the great mass of slanderers,' said old Martin, leaning back +in his chair, 'the tale, as I clearly foresee, will run thus: That +to mark my contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from +among them the very worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and +enriched him at the cost of all the rest. That, after casting about +for the means of a punishment which should rankle in the bosoms of +these kites the most, and strike into their gall, I devised this +scheme at a time when the last link in the chain of grateful love +and duty, that held me to my race, was roughly snapped asunder; +roughly, for I loved him well; roughly, for I had ever put my trust +in his affection; roughly, for that he broke it when I loved him +most--God help me!--and he without a pang could throw me off, while I +clung about his heart! Now,' said the old man, dismissing this +passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded to it, 'is your +mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your account with having it +to bear, and put no trust in being set right by me.' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, 'for such a +man as you have shown yourself to be this day; for a man so injured, +yet so very humane; for a man so--I am at a loss what precise term +to use--yet at the same time so remarkably--I don't know how to +express my meaning; for such a man as I have described, I hope it is +no presumption to say that I, and I am sure I may add my children +also (my dears, we perfectly agree in this, I think?), would bear +anything whatever!' + +'Enough,' said Martin. 'You can charge no consequences on me. When +do you retire home?' + +'Whenever you please, my dear sir. To-night if you desire it.' + +'I desire nothing,' returned the old man, 'that is unreasonable. +Such a request would be. Will you be ready to return at the end of +this week?' + +The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested +if it had been left to him to make his own choice. As to his +daughters--the words, 'Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,' were +actually upon their lips. + +'Your expenses, cousin,' said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper +from his pocketbook, 'may possibly exceed that amount. If so, let +me know the balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be +useless if I told you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed +abode. When I have, you shall know it. You and your daughters may +expect to see me before long; in the meantime I need not tell you +that we keep our own confidence. What you will do when you get home +is understood between us. Give me no account of it at any time; and +never refer to it in any way. I ask that as a favour. I am +commonly a man of few words, cousin; and all that need be said just +now is said, I think.' + +'One glass of wine--one morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr +Pecksniff, venturing to detain him. 'My dears--!' + +The sisters flew to wait upon him. + +'Poor girls!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You will excuse their agitation, +my dear sir. They are made up of feeling. A bad commodity to go +through the world with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is +almost as much of a woman as my eldest, is she not, sir?' + +'Which IS the youngest?' asked the old man. + +'Mercy, by five years,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'We sometimes venture to +consider her rather a fine figure, sir. Speaking as an artist, I +may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and +correct. I am naturally,' said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon +his handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin's face at +almost every word, 'proud, if I may use the expression, to have a +daughter who is constructed on the best models.' + +'She seems to have a lively disposition,' observed Martin. + +'Dear me!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'That is quite remarkable. You have +defined her character, my dear sir, as correctly as if you had known +her from her birth. She HAS a lively disposition. I assure you, my +dear sir, that in our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful.' + +'No doubt,' returned the old man. + +'Charity, upon the other hand,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable +for strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of sentiment, if the +partiality of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful +affection between them, my dear sir! Allow me to drink your health. +Bless you!' + +'I little thought,' retorted Martin, 'but a month ago, that I should +be breaking bread and pouring wine with you. I drink to you.' + +Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these +latter words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff thanked him devoutly. + +'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had +merely touched it with his lips. 'My dears, good morning!' + +But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for +the yearnings of the young ladies, who again embraced him with all +their hearts--with all their arms at any rate--to which parting +caresses their new-found friend submitted with a better grace than +might have been expected from one who, not a moment before, had +pledged their parent in such a very uncomfortable manner. These +endearments terminated, he took a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and +withdrew, followed to the door by both father and daughters, who +stood there kissing their hands and beaming with affection until he +disappeared; though, by the way, he never once looked back, after he +had crossed the threshold. + +When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs +Todgers's room, the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of +gaiety; insomuch that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and +looked with roguish aspects and a bantering air upon their dear +papa. This conduct was so very unaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff +(being singularly grave himself) could scarcely choose but ask them +what it meant; and took them to task, in his gentle manner, for +yielding to such light emotions. + +'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the +most remote,' he said, 'I should not reprove you. But when you can +have none whatever--oh, really, really!' + +This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged +to hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips, and to throw herself +back in her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement; +which want of duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in +set terms, and gave her his parental advice to correct herself in +solitude and contemplation. But at that juncture they were +disturbed by the sound of voices in dispute; and as it proceeded +from the next room, the subject matter of the altercation quickly +reached their ears. + +'I don't care that! Mrs Todgers,' said the young gentleman who had +been the youngest gentleman in company on the day of the festival; +'I don't care THAT, ma'am,' said he, snapping his fingers, 'for +Jinkins. Don't suppose I do.' + +'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have +too independent a spirit, I know, to yield to anybody. And quite +right. There is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman. +Everybody must be well aware of that.' + +'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said +the youngest gentleman, in a desperate voice, 'than if he was a +bulldog.' + +Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of +principle, there was any particular reason for admitting daylight +even into a bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his +eyes, but she seemed to wring her hands, and she moaned. + +'Let him be careful,' said the youngest gentleman. 'I give him +warning. No man shall step between me and the current of my +vengeance. I know a Cove--' he used that familiar epithet in his +agitation but corrected himself by adding, 'a gentleman of property, +I mean--who practices with a pair of pistols (fellows too) of his +own. If I am driven to borrow 'em, and to send at friend to Jinkins, +a tragedy will get into the papers. That's all.' + +Again Mrs Todgers moaned. + +'I have borne this long enough,' said the youngest gentleman but now +my soul rebels against it, and I won't stand it any longer. I left +home originally, because I had that within me which wouldn't be +domineered over by a sister; and do you think I'm going to be put +down by HIM? No.' + +'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable +in Mr Jinkins, if he intends it,' observed Mrs Todgers + +'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he +interrupt and contradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to +interpose himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I +have set my mind upon? Does he make a point of always pretending to +forget me, when he's pouring out the beer? Does he make bragging +remarks about his razors, and insulting allusions to people who have +no necessity to shave more than once a week? But let him look out! +He'll find himself shaved, pretty close, before long, and so I tell +him.' + +The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch +as he never told it to Jinkins, but always to Mrs Todgers. + +'However,' he said, 'these are not proper subjects for ladies' ears. +All I've got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a week's notice from +next Saturday. The same house can't contain that miscreant and me +any longer. If we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed, +you may think yourself pretty fortunate. I don't myself expect we +shall.' + +'Dear, dear!' cried Mrs Todgers, 'what would I have given to have +prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be like losing the house's +right-hand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally +looked up to; and so much liked! I do hope you'll think better of +it; if on nobody else's account, on mine.' + +'There's Jinkins,' said the youngest gentleman, moodily. 'Your +favourite. He'll console you, and the gentlemen too, for the loss +of twenty such as me. I'm not understood in this house. I never +have been.' + +'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' cried Mrs Todgers, with a +show of honest indignation. 'Don't make such a charge as that +against the establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as +that comes to, sir. Make any remark you please against the +gentlemen, or against me; but don't say you're not understood in +this house.' + +'I'm not treated as if I was,' said the youngest gentleman. + +'There you make a great mistake, sir,' returned Mrs Todgers, in the +same strain. 'As many of the gentlemen and I have often said, you +are too sensitive. That's where it is. You are of too susceptible +a nature; it's in your spirit.' + +The young gentleman coughed. + +'And as,' said Mrs Todgers, 'as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if +we ARE to part, to understand that I don't abet Mr Jinkins by any +means. Far from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a +lower tone in this establishment, and would not be the means of +raising differences between me and gentlemen that I can much less +bear to part with than I could with Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not +such a boarder, sir,' added Mrs Todgers, 'that all considerations of +private feeling and respect give way before him. Quite the +contrary, I assure you.' + +The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar +speeches on the part of Mrs Todgers, that he and that lady gradually +changed positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was +understood to be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an +offensive sense; his cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted +nature, and to that alone. So, in the end, the young gentleman +withdrew his notice, and assured Mrs Todgers of his unalterable +regard; and having done so, went back to business. + +'Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into +the back room, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees, +and her hands folded upon it, 'what a trial of temper it is to keep +a house like this! You must have heard most of what has just passed. +Now did you ever hear the like?' + +'Never!' said the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,' +resumed Mrs Todgers, 'that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable. +Mr Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he +deserves. To mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same +breath with HIM--you know it's too much! And yet he's as jealous +of him, bless you, as if he was his equal.' + +The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers's account, +no less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest +gentleman's character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr +Pecksniff looked quite stern and angry; and when she had concluded, +said in a solemn voice: + +'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman +contribute towards the support of these premises?' + +'Why, sir, for what HE has, he pays about eighteen shillings a +week!' said Mrs Todgers. + +'Eighteen shillings a week!' repeated Mr Pecksniff. + +'Taking one week with another; as near that as possible,' said Mrs +Todgers. + +Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her, +and shook his head. + +'And do you mean to say, ma'am--is it possible, Mrs Todgers--that +for such a miserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a +female of your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a +double face, even for an instant?' + +'I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,' faltered +Mrs Todgers. 'I must preserve peace among them, and keep my +connection together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very +small.' + +'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the +word. 'The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze me!' + +He was so severe, that Mrs Todgers shed tears. + +'The profit!' repeated Mr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation! +To worship the golden calf of Baal, for eighteen shillings a week!' + +'Don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,' +cried Mrs Todgers, taking out her handkerchief. + +'Oh Calf, Calf!' cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. 'Oh, Baal, Baal! oh +my friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away that precious jewel, self- +esteem, and cringe to any mortal creature--for eighteen shillings a +week!' + +He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he +immediately took down his hat from its peg in the passage, and went +out for a walk, to compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the +street might have known him for a good man at first sight; for his +whole figure teemed with a consciousness of the moral homily he had +read to Mrs Todgers. + +Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright +Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon, star, or garter; +sleeves of lawn, a great man's smile, a seat in parliament, a tap +upon the shoulder from a courtly sword; a place, a party, or a +thriving lie, or eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen +hundred;--but to worship the golden calf for eighteen shillings a +week! oh pitiful, pitiful! + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN + +WHEREIN A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN BECOMES PARTICULAR IN HIS ATTENTIONS TO +A CERTAIN LADY; AND MORE COMING EVENTS THAN ONE, CAST THEIR SHADOWS +BEFORE + + +The family were within two or three days of their departure from Mrs +Todgers's, and the commercial gentlemen were to a man despondent and +not to be comforted, because of the approaching separation, when +Bailey junior, at the jocund time of noon, presented himself before +Miss Charity Pecksniff, then sitting with her sister in the banquet +chamber, hemming six new pocket-handkerchiefs for Mr Jinkins; and +having expressed a hope, preliminary and pious, that he might be +blest, gave her in his pleasant way to understand that a visitor +attended to pay his respects to her, and was at that moment waiting +in the drawing-room. Perhaps this last announcement showed in a +more striking point of view than many lengthened speeches could have +done, the trustfulness and faith of Bailey's nature; since he had, +in fact, last seen the visitor on the door-mat, where, after +signifying to him that he would do well to go upstairs, he had left +him to the guidance of his own sagacity. Hence it was at least an +even chance that the visitor was then wandering on the roof of the +house, or vainly seeking to extricate himself from the maze of +bedrooms; Todgers's being precisely that kind of establishment in +which an unpiloted stranger is pretty sure to find himself in some +place where he least expects and least desires to be. + +'A gentleman for me!' cried Charity, pausing in her work; 'my +gracious, Bailey!' + +'Ah!' said Bailey. 'It IS my gracious, an't it? Wouldn't I be +gracious neither, not if I wos him!' + +The remark was rendered somewhat obscure in itself, by reason (as +the reader may have observed) of a redundancy of negatives; but +accompanied by action expressive of a faithful couple walking arm- +in-arm towards a parochial church, mutually exchanging looks of +love, it clearly signified this youth's conviction that the caller's +purpose was of an amorous tendency. Miss Charity affected to +reprove so great a liberty; but she could not help smiling. He was +a strange boy, to be sure. There was always some ground of +probability and likelihood mingled with his absurd behaviour. That +was the best of it! + +'But I don't know any gentlemen, Bailey,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I +think you must have made a mistake.' + +Mr Bailey smiled at the extreme wildness of such a supposition, and +regarded the young ladies with unimpaired affability. + +'My dear Merry,' said Charity, 'who CAN it be? Isn't it odd? I +have a great mind not to go to him really. So very strange, you +know!' + +The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its +origin in the pride of being called upon and asked for; and that it +was intended as an assertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon +her for having captured the commercial gentlemen. Therefore, she +replied, with great affection and politeness, that it was, no doubt, +very strange indeed; and that she was totally at a loss to conceive +what the ridiculous person unknown could mean by it. + +'Quite impossible to divine!' said Charity, with some sharpness, +'though still, at the same time, you needn't be angry, my dear.' + +'Thank you,' retorted Merry, singing at her needle. 'I am quite +aware of that, my love.' + +'I am afraid your head is turned, you silly thing,' said Cherry. + +'Do you know, my dear,' said Merry, with engaging candour, 'that I +have been afraid of that, myself, all along! So much incense and +nonsense, and all the rest of it, is enough to turn a stronger head +than mine. What a relief it must be to you, my dear, to be so very +comfortable in that respect, and not to be worried by those odious +men! How do you do it, Cherry?' + +This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for +the strong emotions of delight evinced by Bailey junior, whose +relish in the turn the conversation had lately taken was so acute, +that it impelled and forced him to the instantaneous performance of +a dancing step, extremely difficult in its nature, and only to be +achieved in a moment of ecstasy, which is commonly called The Frog's +Hornpipe. A manifestation so lively, brought to their immediate +recollection the great virtuous precept, 'Keep up appearances +whatever you do,' in which they had been educated. They forbore at +once, and jointly signified to Mr Bailey that if he should presume +to practice that figure any more in their presence, they would +instantly acquaint Mrs Todgers with the fact, and would demand his +condign punishment, at the hands of that lady. The young gentleman +having expressed the bitterness of his contrition by affecting to +wipe away scalding tears with his apron, and afterwards feigning to +wring a vast amount of water from that garment, held the door open +while Miss Charity passed out; and so that damsel went in state +upstairs to receive her mysterious adorer. + +By some strange occurrence of favourable circumstances he had found +out the drawing-room, and was sitting there alone. + +'Ah, cousin!' he said. 'Here I am, you see. You thought I was +lost, I'll be bound. Well! how do you find yourself by this time?' + +Miss Charity replied that she was quite well, and gave Mr Jonas +Chuzzlewit her hand. + +'That's right,' said Mr Jonas, 'and you've got over the fatigues of +the journey have you? I say. How's the other one?' + +'My sister is very well, I believe,' returned the young lady. 'I +have not heard her complain of any indisposition, sir. Perhaps you +would like to see her, and ask her yourself?' + +'No, no cousin!' said Mr Jonas, sitting down beside her on the +window-seat. 'Don't be in a hurry. There's no occasion for that, +you know. What a cruel girl you are!' + +'It's impossible for YOU to know,' said Cherry, 'whether I am or +not.' + +'Well, perhaps it is,' said Mr Jonas. 'I say--Did you think I was +lost? You haven't told me that.' + +'I didn't think at all about it,' answered Cherry. + +'Didn't you though?' said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. +'Did the other one?' + +'I am sure it's impossible for me to say what my sister may, or may +not have thought on such a subject,' cried Cherry. 'She never said +anything to me about it, one way or other.' + +'Didn't she laugh about it?' inquired Jonas. + +'No. She didn't even laugh about it,' answered Charity. + +'She's a terrible one to laugh, an't she?' said Jonas, lowering his +voice. + +'She is very lively,' said Cherry. + +'Liveliness is a pleasant thing--when it don't lead to spending +money. An't it?' asked Mr Jonas. + +'Very much so, indeed,' said Cherry, with a demureness of manner +that gave a very disinterested character to her assent. + +'Such liveliness as yours I mean, you know,' observed Mr Jonas, as +he nudged her with his elbow. 'I should have come to see you +before, but I didn't know where you was. How quick you hurried off, +that morning!' + +'I was amenable to my papa's directions,' said Miss Charity. + +'I wish he had given me his direction,' returned her cousin, 'and +then I should have found you out before. Why, I shouldn't have +found you even now, if I hadn't met him in the street this morning. +What a sleek, sly chap he is! Just like a tomcat, an't he?' + +'I must trouble you to have the goodness to speak more respectfully +of my papa, Mr Jonas,' said Charity. 'I can't allow such a tone as +that, even in jest.' + +'Ecod, you may say what you like of MY father, then, and so I give +you leave,' said Jonas. 'I think it's liquid aggravation that +circulates through his veins, and not regular blood. How old should +you think my father was, cousin?' + +'Old, no doubt,' replied Miss Charity; 'but a fine old gentleman.' + +'A fine old gentleman!' repeated Jonas, giving the crown of his hat +an angry knock. 'Ah! It's time he was thinking of being drawn out a +little finer too. Why, he's eighty!' + +'Is he, indeed?' said the young lady. + +'And ecod,' cried Jonas, 'now he's gone so far without giving in, I +don't see much to prevent his being ninety; no, nor even a hundred. +Why, a man with any feeling ought to be ashamed of being eighty, let +alone more. Where's his religion, I should like to know, when he +goes flying in the face of the Bible like that? Threescore-and- +ten's the mark, and no man with a conscience, and a proper sense of +what's expected of him, has any business to live longer.' + +Is any one surprised at Mr Jonas making such a reference to such a +book for such a purpose? Does any one doubt the old saw, that the +Devil (being a layman) quotes Scripture for his own ends? If he +will take the trouble to look about him, he may find a greater +number of confirmations of the fact in the occurrences of any single +day, than the steam-gun can discharge balls in a minute. + +'But there's enough of my father,' said Jonas; 'it's of no use to go +putting one's self out of the way by talking about HIM. I called to +ask you to come and take a walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; +and to come to our house afterwards, and have a bit of something. +Pecksniff will most likely look in in the evening, he says, and +bring you home. See, here's his writing; I made him put it down +this morning when he told me he shouldn't be back before I came +here; in case you wouldn't believe me. There's nothing like proof, +is there? Ha, ha! I say--you'll bring the other one, you know!' + +Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father's autograph, which merely +said--'Go, my children, with your cousin. Let there be union among +us when it is possible;' and after enough of hesitation to impart a +proper value to her consent, withdrew to prepare her sister and +herself for the excursion. She soon returned, accompanied by Miss +Mercy, who was by no means pleased to leave the brilliant triumphs +of Todgers's for the society of Mr Jonas and his respected father. + +'Aha!' cried Jonas. 'There you are, are you?' + +'Yes, fright,' said Mercy, 'here I am; and I would much rather be +anywhere else, I assure you.' + +'You don't mean that,' cried Mr Jonas. 'You can't, you know. It +isn't possible.' + +'You can have what opinion you like, fright,' retorted Mercy. 'I am +content to keep mine; and mine is that you are a very unpleasant, +odious, disagreeable person.' Here she laughed heartily, and seemed +to enjoy herself very much. + +'Oh, you're a sharp gal!' said Mr Jonas. 'She's a regular teaser, +an't she, cousin?' + +Miss Charity replied in effect, that she was unable to say what the +habits and propensities of a regular teaser might be; and that even +if she possessed such information, it would ill become her to admit +the existence of any creature with such an unceremonious name in her +family; far less in the person of a beloved sister; 'whatever,' +added Cherry with an angry glance, 'whatever her real nature may +be.' + +'Well, my dear,' said Merry, 'the only observation I have to make +is, that if we don't go out at once, I shall certainly take my +bonnet off again, and stay at home.' + +This threat had the desired effect of preventing any farther +altercation, for Mr Jonas immediately proposed an adjournment, and +the same being carried unanimously, they departed from the house +straightway. On the doorstep, Mr Jonas gave an arm to each cousin; +which act of gallantry being observed by Bailey junior, from the +garret window, was by him saluted with a loud and violent fit of +coughing, to which paroxysm he was still the victim when they turned +the corner. + +Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if they were good walkers +and being answered, 'Yes,' submitted their pedestrian powers to a +pretty severe test; for he showed them as many sights, in the way of +bridges, churches, streets, outsides of theatres, and other free +spectacles, in that one forenoon, as most people see in a +twelvemonth. It was observable in this gentleman, that he had an +insurmountable distaste to the insides of buildings, and that he was +perfectly acquainted with the merits of all shows, in respect of +which there was any charge for admission, which it seemed were every +one detestable, and of the very lowest grade of merit. He was so +thoroughly possessed with this opinion, that when Miss Charity +happened to mention the circumstance of their having been twice or +thrice to the theatre with Mr Jinkins and party, he inquired, as a +matter of course, 'where the orders came from?' and being told that +Mr Jinkins and party paid, was beyond description entertained, +observing that 'they must be nice flats, certainly;' and often in +the course of the walk, bursting out again into a perfect convulsion +of laughter at the surpassing silliness of those gentlemen, and +(doubtless) at his own superior wisdom. + +When they had been out for some hours and were thoroughly fatigued, +it being by that time twilight, Mr Jonas intimated that he would +show them one of the best pieces of fun with which he was +acquainted. This joke was of a practical kind, and its humour lay +in taking a hackney-coach to the extreme limits of possibility for a +shilling. Happily it brought them to the place where Mr Jonas +dwelt, or the young ladies might have rather missed the point and +cream of the jest. + +The old-established firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, Manchester +Warehousemen, and so forth, had its place of business in a very +narrow street somewhere behind the Post Office; where every house +was in the brightest summer morning very gloomy; and where light +porters watered the pavement, each before his own employer's +premises, in fantastic patterns, in the dog-days; and where spruce +gentlemen with their hands in the pockets of symmetrical trousers, +were always to be seen in warm weather, contemplating their +undeniable boots in dusty warehouse doorways; which appeared to be +the hardest work they did, except now and then carrying pens behind +their ears. A dim, dirty, smoky, tumble-down, rotten old house it +was, as anybody would desire to see; but there the firm of Anthony +Chuzzlewit and Son transacted all their business and their pleasure +too, such as it was; for neither the young man nor the old had any +other residence, or any care or thought beyond its narrow limits. + +Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in this +establishment; insomuch indeed that it shouldered comfort out of +doors, and jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in +the miserable bedrooms there were files of moth-eaten letters +hanging up against the walls; and linen rollers, and fragments of +old patterns, and odds and ends of spoiled goods, strewed upon the +ground; while the meagre bedsteads, washing-stands, and scraps of +carpet, were huddled away into corners as objects of secondary +consideration, not to be thought of but as disagreeable necessities, +furnishing no profit, and intruding on the one affair of life. The +single sitting-room was on the same principle, a chaos of boxes and +old papers, and had more counting-house stools in it than chairs; +not to mention a great monster of a desk straddling over the middle +of the floor, and an iron safe sunk into the wall above the fireplace. +The solitary little table for purposes of refection and social +enjoyment, bore as fair a proportion to the desk and other business +furniture, as the graces and harmless relaxations of life had ever +done, in the persons of the old man and his son, to their pursuit +of wealth. It was meanly laid out now for dinner; and in a chair +before the fire sat Anthony himself, who rose to greet his son +and his fair cousins as they entered. + +An ancient proverb warns us that we should not expect to find old +heads upon young shoulders; to which it may be added that we seldom +meet with that unnatural combination, but we feel a strong desire to +knock them off; merely from an inherent love we have of seeing +things in their right places. It is not improbable that many men, +in no wise choleric by nature, felt this impulse rising up within +them, when they first made the acquaintance of Mr Jonas; but if +they had known him more intimately in his own house, and had sat +with him at his own board, it would assuredly have been paramount to +all other considerations. + +'Well, ghost!' said Mr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by +that title. 'Is dinner nearly ready?' + +'I should think it was,' rejoined the old man. + +'What's the good of that?' rejoined the son. 'I should think it +was. I want to know.' + +'Ah! I don't know for certain,' said Anthony. + +'You don't know for certain,' rejoined his son in a lower tone. +'No. You don't know anything for certain, YOU don't. Give me your +candle here. I want it for the gals.' + +Anthony handed him a battered old office candlestick, with which Mr +Jonas preceded the young ladies to the nearest bedroom, where he +left them to take off their shawls and bonnets; and returning, +occupied himself in opening a bottle of wine, sharpening the +carving-knife, and muttering compliments to his father, until they +and the dinner appeared together. The repast consisted of a hot leg +of mutton with greens and potatoes; and the dishes having been set +upon the table by a slipshod old woman, they were left to enjoy it +after their own manner. + +'Bachelor's Hall, you know, cousin,' said Mr Jonas to Charity. 'I +say--the other one will be having a laugh at this when she gets +home, won't she? Here; you sit on the right side of me, and I'll +have her upon the left. Other one, will you come here?' + +'You're such a fright,' replied Mercy, 'that I know I shall have no +appetite if I sit so near you; but I suppose I must.' + +'An't she lively?' whispered Mr Jonas to the elder sister, with his +favourite elbow emphasis. + +'Oh I really don't know!' replied Miss Pecksniff, tartly. 'I am +tired of being asked such ridiculous questions.' + +'What's that precious old father of mine about now?' said Mr Jonas, +seeing that his parent was travelling up and down the room instead +of taking his seat at table. 'What are you looking for?' + +'I've lost my glasses, Jonas,' said old Anthony. + +'Sit down without your glasses, can't you?' returned his son. 'You +don't eat or drink out of 'em, I think; and where's that sleepy- +headed old Chuffey got to! Now, stupid. Oh! you know your name, do +you?' + +It would seem that he didn't, for he didn't come until the father +called. As he spoke, the door of a small glass office, which was +partitioned off from the rest of the room, was slowly opened, and a +little blear-eyed, weazen-faced, ancient man came creeping out. He +was of a remote fashion, and dusty, like the rest of the furniture; +he was dressed in a decayed suit of black; with breeches garnished +at the knees with rusty wisps of ribbon, the very paupers of +shoestrings; on the lower portion of his spindle legs were dingy +worsted stockings of the same colour. He looked as if he had +been put away and forgotten half a century before, and somebody +had just found him in a lumber-closet. + +Such as he was, he came slowly creeping on towards the table, until +at last he crept into the vacant chair, from which, as his dim +faculties became conscious of the presence of strangers, and those +strangers ladies, he rose again, apparently intending to make a bow. +But he sat down once more without having made it, and breathing on +his shrivelled hands to warm them, remained with his poor blue nose +immovable above his plate, looking at nothing, with eyes that saw +nothing, and a face that meant nothing. Take him in that state, and +he was an embodiment of nothing. Nothing else. + +'Our clerk,' said Mr Jonas, as host and master of the ceremonies: +'Old Chuffey.' + +'Is he deaf?' inquired one of the young ladies. + +'No, I don't know that he is. He an't deaf, is he, father?' + +'I never heard him say he was,' replied the old man. + +'Blind?' inquired the young ladies. + +'N--no. I never understood that he was at all blind,' said Jonas, +carelessly. 'You don't consider him so, do you, father?' + +'Certainly not,' replied Anthony. + +'What is he, then?' + +'Why, I'll tell you what he is,' said Mr Jonas, apart to the young +ladies, 'he's precious old, for one thing; and I an't best pleased +with him for that, for I think my father must have caught it of him. +He's a strange old chap, for another,' he added in a louder voice, +'and don't understand any one hardly, but HIM!' He pointed to his +honoured parent with the carving-fork, in order that they might know +whom he meant. + +'How very strange!' cried the sisters. + +'Why, you see,' said Mr Jonas, 'he's been addling his old brains +with figures and book-keeping all his life; and twenty years ago or +so he went and took a fever. All the time he was out of his head +(which was three weeks) he never left off casting up; and he got to +so many million at last that I don't believe he's ever been quite +right since. We don't do much business now though, and he an't a +bad clerk.' + +'A very good one,' said Anthony. + +'Well! He an't a dear one at all events,' observed Jonas; 'and he +earns his salt, which is enough for our look-out. I was telling you +that he hardly understands any one except my father; he always +understands him, though, and wakes up quite wonderful. He's been +used to his ways so long, you see! Why, I've seen him play whist, +with my father for a partner; and a good rubber too; when he had no +more notion what sort of people he was playing against, than you +have.' + +'Has he no appetite?' asked Merry. + +'Oh, yes,' said Jonas, plying his own knife and fork very fast. 'He +eats--when he's helped. But he don't care whether he waits a minute +or an hour, as long as father's here; so when I'm at all sharp set, +as I am to-day, I come to him after I've taken the edge off my own +hunger, you know. Now, Chuffey, stupid, are you ready?' + +Chuffey remained immovable. + +'Always a perverse old file, he was,' said Mr Jonas, coolly helping +himself to another slice. 'Ask him, father.' + +'Are you ready for your dinner, Chuffey?' asked the old man + +'Yes, yes,' said Chuffey, lighting up into a sentient human creature +at the first sound of the voice, so that it was at once a curious +and quite a moving sight to see him. 'Yes, yes. Quite ready, Mr +Chuzzlewit. Quite ready, sir. All ready, all ready, all ready.' +With that he stopped, smilingly, and listened for some further +address; but being spoken to no more, the light forsook his face by +little and little, until he was nothing again. + +'He'll be very disagreeable, mind,' said Jonas, addressing his +cousins as he handed the old man's portion to his father. 'He +always chokes himself when it an't broth. Look at him, now! Did +you ever see a horse with such a wall-eyed expression as he's got? +If it hadn't been for the joke of it I wouldn't have let him come +in to-day; but I thought he'd amuse you.' + +The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, +as unconscious of its purport as of most other remarks that were +made in his presence. But the mutton being tough, and his gums +weak, he quickly verified the statement relative to his choking +propensities, and underwent so much in his attempts to dine, that Mr +Jonas was infinitely amused; protesting that he had seldom seen him +better company in all his life, and that he was enough to make a man +split his sides with laughing. Indeed, he went so far as to assure +the sisters, that in this point of view he considered Chuffey +superior to his own father; which, as he significantly added, was +saying a great deal. + +It was strange enough that Anthony Chuzzlewit, himself so old a man, +should take a pleasure in these gibings of his estimable son at the +expense of the poor shadow at their table. But he did, +unquestionably; though not so much--to do him justice--with +reference to their ancient clerk, as in exultation at the sharpness +of Jonas. For the same reason that young man's coarse allusions, +even to himself, filled him with a stealthy glee; causing him to rub +his hands and chuckle covertly, as if he said in his sleeve, 'I +taught him. I trained him. This is the heir of my bringing-up. +Sly, cunning, and covetous, he'll not squander my money. I worked +for this; I hoped for this; it has been the great end and aim of my +life.' + +What a noble end and aim it was to contemplate in the attainment +truly! But there be some who manufacture idols after the fashion of +themselves, and fail to worship them when they are made; charging +their deformity on outraged nature. Anthony was better than these +at any rate. + +Chuffey boggled over his plate so long, that Mr Jones, losing +patience, took it from him at last with his own hands, and requested +his father to signify to that venerable person that he had better +'peg away at his bread;' which Anthony did. + +'Aye, aye!' cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this +was communicated to him in the same voice, 'quite right, quite +right. He's your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit! Bless him for a sharp +lad! Bless him, bless him!' + +Mr Jonas considered this so particularly childish (perhaps with some +reason), that he only laughed the more, and told his cousins that he +was afraid one of these fine days, Chuffey would be the death of +him. The cloth was then removed, and the bottle of wine set upon +the table, from which Mr Jonas filled the young ladies' glasses, +calling on them not to spare it, as they might be certain there was +plenty more where that came from. But he added with some haste +after this sally that it was only his joke, and they wouldn't +suppose him to be in earnest, he was sure. + +'I shall drink,' said Anthony, 'to Pecksniff. Your father, my +dears. A clever man, Pecksniff. A wary man! A hypocrite, though, +eh? A hypocrite, girls, eh? Ha, ha, ha! Well, so he is. Now, +among friends, he is. I don't think the worse of him for that, +unless it is that he overdoes it. You may overdo anything, my +darlings. You may overdo even hypocrisy. Ask Jonas!' + +'You can't overdo taking care of yourself,' observed that hopeful +gentleman with his mouth full. + +'Do you hear that, my dears?' cried Anthony, quite enraptured. +'Wisdom, wisdom! A good exception, Jonas. No. It's not easy to +overdo that.' + +'Except,' whispered Mr Jonas to his favourite cousin, 'except when +one lives too long. Ha, ha! Tell the other one that--I say!' + +'Good gracious me!' said Cherry, in a petulant manner. 'You can +tell her yourself, if you wish, can't you?' + +'She seems to make such game of one,' replied Mr Jonas. + +'Then why need you trouble yourself about her?' said Charity. 'I am +sure she doesn't trouble herself much about you.' + +'Don't she though?' asked Jonas. + +'Good gracious me, need I tell you that she don't?' returned the +young lady. + +Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an +odd expression in his face; and said THAT wouldn't break his heart, +she might depend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even +greater favour than before, and besought her, as his polite manner +was, to 'come a little closer.' + +'There's another thing that's not easily overdone, father,' remarked +Jonas, after a short silence. + +'What's that?' asked the father; grinning already in anticipation. + +'A bargain,' said the son. 'Here's the rule for bargains--"Do +other men, for they would do you." That's the true business precept. +All others are counterfeits.' + +The delighted father applauded this sentiment to the echo; and was +so much tickled by it, that he was at the pains of imparting the +same to his ancient clerk, who rubbed his hands, nodded his palsied +head, winked his watery eyes, and cried in his whistling tones, +'Good! good! Your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit' with every feeble +demonstration of delight that he was capable of making. But this +old man's enthusiasm had the redeeming quality of being felt in +sympathy with the only creature to whom he was linked by ties of +long association, and by his present helplessness. And if there had +been anybody there, who cared to think about it, some dregs of a +better nature unawakened, might perhaps have been descried through +that very medium, melancholy though it was, yet lingering at the +bottom of the worn-out cask called Chuffey. + +As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; +so Chuffey fell back into a dark corner on one side of the +fireplace, where he always spent his evenings, and was neither seen +nor heard again that night; save once, when a cup of tea was given +him, in which he was seen to soak his bread mechanically. There was +no reason to suppose that he went to sleep at these seasons, or that +he heard, or saw, or felt, or thought. He remained, as it were, +frozen up--if any term expressive of such a vigorous process can be +applied to him--until he was again thawed for the moment by a word +or touch from Anthony. + +Miss Charity made tea by desire of Mr Jonas, and felt and looked so +like the lady of the house that she was in the prettiest confusion +imaginable; the more so from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and +whispering a variety of admiring expressions in her ear. Miss +Mercy, for her part, felt the entertainment of the evening to be so +distinctly and exclusively theirs, that she silently deplored the +commercial gentlemen--at that moment, no doubt, wearying for her +return--and yawned over yesterday's newspaper. As to Anthony, he +went to sleep outright, so Jonas and Cherry had a clear stage to +themselves as long as they chose to keep possession of it. + +When the tea-tray was taken away, as it was at last, Mr Jonas +produced a dirty pack of cards, and entertained the sisters with +divers small feats of dexterity: whereof the main purpose of every +one was, that you were to decoy somebody into laying a wager with +you that you couldn't do it; and were then immediately to win and +pocket his money. Mr Jonas informed them that these accomplishments +were in high vogue in the most intellectual circles, and that large +amounts were constantly changing hands on such hazards. And it may +be remarked that he fully believed this; for there is a simplicity +of cunning no less than a simplicity of innocence; and in all +matters where a lively faith in knavery and meanness was required as +the ground-work of belief, Mr Jonas was one of the most credulous of +men. His ignorance, which was stupendous, may be taken into +account, if the reader pleases, separately. + +This fine young man had all the inclination to be a profligate of +the first water, and only lacked the one good trait in the common +catalogue of debauched vices--open-handedness--to be a notable +vagabond. But there his griping and penurious habits stepped in; +and as one poison will sometimes neutralise another, when wholesome +remedies would not avail, so he was restrained by a bad passion from +quaffing his full measure of evil, when virtue might have sought to +hold him back in vain. + +By the time he had unfolded all the peddling schemes he knew upon +the cards, it was growing late in the evening; and Mr Pecksniff not +making his appearance, the young ladies expressed a wish to return +home. But this, Mr Jonas, in his gallantry, would by no means +allow, until they had partaken of some bread and cheese and porter; +and even then he was excessively unwilling to allow them to depart; +often beseeching Miss Charity to come a little closer, or to stop a +little longer, and preferring many other complimentary petitions of +that nature in his own hospitable and earnest way. When all his +efforts to detain them were fruitless, he put on his hat and +greatcoat preparatory to escorting them to Todgers's; remarking that +he knew they would rather walk thither than ride; and that for his +part he was quite of their opinion. + +'Good night,' said Anthony. 'Good night; remember me to--ha, ha, +ha!--to Pecksniff. Take care of your cousin, my dears; beware of +Jonas; he's a dangerous fellow. Don't quarrel for him, in any +case!' + +'Oh, the creature!' cried Mercy. 'The idea of quarrelling for HIM! +You may take him, Cherry, my love, all to yourself. I make you a +present of my share.' + +'What! I'm a sour grape, am I, cousin?' said Jonas. + +Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would +have supposed likely, considering its advanced age and simple +character. But in her sisterly affection she took Mr Jonas to task +for leaning so very hard upon a broken reed, and said that he must +not be so cruel to poor Merry any more, or she (Charity) would +positively be obliged to hate him. Mercy, who really had her share +of good humour, only retorted with a laugh; and they walked home in +consequence without any angry passages of words upon the way. Mr +Jonas being in the middle, and having a cousin on each arm, +sometimes squeezed the wrong one; so tightly too, as to cause her +not a little inconvenience; but as he talked to Charity in whispers +the whole time, and paid her great attention, no doubt this was an +accidental circumstance. When they arrived at Todgers's, and the +door was opened, Mercy broke hastily from them, and ran upstairs; +but Charity and Jonas lingered on the steps talking together for +more than five minutes; so, as Mrs Todgers observed next morning, to +a third party, 'It was pretty clear what was going on THERE, and she +was glad of it, for it really was high time that Miss Pecksniff +thought of settling.' + +And now the day was coming on, when that bright vision which had +burst on Todgers's so suddenly, and made a sunshine in the shady +breast of Jinkins, was to be seen no more; when it was to be packed, +like a brown paper parcel, or a fish-basket, or an oyster barrel or a +fat gentleman, or any other dull reality of life, in a stagecoach +and carried down into the country. + +'Never, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers, when they +retired to rest on the last night of their stay, 'never have I seen +an establishment so perfectly broken-hearted as mine is at this +present moment of time. I don't believe the gentlemen will be the +gentlemen they were, or anything like it--no, not for weeks to come. +You have a great deal to answer for, both of you.' + +They modestly disclaimed any wilful agency in this disastrous state +of things, and regretted it very much. + +'Your pious pa, too,' said Mrs Todgers. 'There's a loss! My dear +Miss Pecksniffs, your pa is a perfect missionary of peace and love.' + +Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love +supposed to be comprised in Mr Pecksniff's mission, the young ladies +received the compliment rather coldly. + +'If I dared,' said Mrs Todgers, perceiving this, 'to violate a +confidence which has been reposed in me, and to tell you why I must +beg of you to leave the little door between your room and mine open +tonight, I think you would be interested. But I mustn't do it, for I +promised Mr Jinkins faithfully, that I would be as silent as the +tomb.' + +'Dear Mrs Todgers! What can you mean?' + +'Why, then, my sweet Miss Pecksniffs,' said the lady of the house; +'my own loves, if you will allow me the privilege of taking that +freedom on the eve of our separation, Mr Jinkins and the gentlemen +have made up a little musical party among themselves, and DO intend, +in the dead of this night, to perform a serenade upon the stairs +outside the door. I could have wished, I own,' said Mrs Todgers, +with her usual foresight, 'that it had been fixed to take place an +hour or two earlier; because when gentlemen sit up late they drink, +and when they drink they're not so musical, perhaps, as when they +don't. But this is the arrangement; and I know you will be +gratified, my dear Miss Pecksniffs, by such a mark of their +attention.' + +The young ladies were at first so much excited by the news, that +they vowed they couldn't think of going to bed until the serenade +was over. But half an hour of cool waiting so altered their opinion +that they not only went to bed, but fell asleep; and were, moreover, +not ecstatically charmed to be awakened some time afterwards by +certain dulcet strains breaking in upon the silent watches of the +night. + +It was very affecting--very. Nothing more dismal could have been +desired by the most fastidious taste. The gentleman of a vocal turn +was head mute, or chief mourner; Jinkins took the bass; and the rest +took anything they could get. The youngest gentleman blew his +melancholy into a flute. He didn't blow much out of it, but that +was all the better. If the two Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers had +perished by spontaneous combustion, and the serenade had been in +honour of their ashes, it would have been impossible to surpass the +unutterable despair expressed in that one chorus, 'Go where glory +waits thee!' It was a requiem, a dirge, a moan, a howl, a wail, a +lament, an abstract of everything that is sorrowful and hideous in +sound. The flute of the youngest gentleman was wild and fitful. It +came and went in gusts, like the wind. For a long time together he +seemed to have left off, and when it was quite settled by Mrs +Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his feelings, he had +retired in tears, he unexpectedly turned up again at the very top of +the tune, gasping for breath. He was a tremendous performer. There +was no knowing where to have him; and exactly when you thought he +was doing nothing at all, then was he doing the very thing that +ought to astonish you most. + +There were several of these concerted pieces; perhaps two or three +too many, though that, as Mrs Todgers said, was a fault on the right +side. But even then, even at that solemn moment, when the thrilling +sounds may be presumed to have penetrated into the very depths of +his nature, if he had any depths, Jinkins couldn't leave the +youngest gentleman alone. He asked him distinctly, before the +second song began--as a personal favour too, mark the villain in +that--not to play. Yes; he said so; not to play. The breathing of +the youngest gentleman was heard through the key-hole of the door. +He DIDN'T play. What vent was a flute for the passions swelling up +within his breast? A trombone would have been a world too mild. + +The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at +hand. The gentleman of a literary turn had written a song on the +departure of the ladies, and adapted it to an old tune. They all +joined, except the youngest gentleman in company, who, for the +reasons aforesaid, maintained a fearful silence. The song (which +was of a classical nature) invoked the oracle of Apollo, and +demanded to know what would become of Todgers's when CHARITY and +MERCY were banished from its walls. The oracle delivered no opinion +particularly worth remembering, according to the not infrequent +practice of oracles from the earliest ages down to the present time. +In the absence of enlightenment on that subject, the strain deserted +it, and went on to show that the Miss Pecksniffs were nearly related +to Rule Britannia, and that if Great Britain hadn't been an island, +there could have been no Miss Pecksniffs. And being now on a +nautical tack, it closed with this verse: + + 'All hail to the vessel of Pecksniff the sire! + And favouring breezes to fan; + While Tritons flock round it, and proudly admire + The architect, artist, and man!' + +As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the +gentlemen gradually withdrew to bed to give the music the effect of +distance; and so it died away, and Todgers's was left to its +repose. + +Mr Bailey reserved his vocal offering until the morning, when he put +his head into the room as the young ladies were kneeling before +their trunks, packing up, and treated them to an imitation of the +voice of a young dog in trying circumstances; when that animal is +supposed by persons of a lively fancy, to relieve his feelings by +calling for pen and ink. + +'Well, young ladies,' said the youth, 'so you're a-going home, are +you, worse luck?' + +'Yes, Bailey, we're going home,' returned Mercy. + +'An't you a-going to leave none of 'em a lock of your hair?' +inquired the youth. 'It's real, an't it?' + +They laughed at this, and told him of course it was. + +'Oh, is it of course, though?' said Bailey. 'I know better than +that. Hers an't. Why, I see it hanging up once, on that nail by +the winder. Besides, I have gone behind her at dinner-time and +pulled it; and she never know'd. I say, young ladies, I'm a-going +to leave. I an't a-going to stand being called names by her, no +longer.' + +Miss Mercy inquired what his plans for the future might be; in reply +to whom Mr Bailey intimated that he thought of going either into +top-boots, or into the army. + +'Into the army!' cried the young ladies, with a laugh. + +'Ah!' said Bailey, 'why not? There's a many drummers in the Tower. +I'm acquainted with 'em. Don't their country set a valley on 'em, +mind you! Not at all!' + +'You'll be shot, I see,' observed Mercy. + +'Well!' cried Mr Bailey, 'wot if I am? There's something gamey in +it, young ladies, an't there? I'd sooner be hit with a cannon-ball +than a rolling-pin, and she's always a-catching up something of that +sort, and throwing it at me, when the gentlemans' appetites is good. +Wot,' said Mr Bailey, stung by the recollection of his wrongs, 'wot, +if they DO consume the per-vishuns. It an't MY fault, is it?' + +'Surely no one says it is,' said Mercy. + +'Don't they though?' retorted the youth. 'No. Yes. Ah! oh! No one +mayn't say it is! but some one knows it is. But I an't a-going to +have every rise in prices wisited on me. I an't a-going to be +killed because the markets is dear. I won't stop. And therefore,' +added Mr Bailey, relenting into a smile, 'wotever you mean to give +me, you'd better give me all at once, becos if ever you come back +agin, I shan't be here; and as to the other boy, HE won't deserve +nothing, I know.' + +The young ladies, on behalf of Mr Pecksniff and themselves, acted on +this thoughtful advice; and in consideration of their private +friendship, presented Mr Bailey with a gratuity so liberal that he +could hardly do enough to show his gratitude; which found but an +imperfect vent, during the remainder of the day, in divers secret +slaps upon his pocket, and other such facetious pantomime. Nor was +it confined to these ebullitions; for besides crushing a bandbox, +with a bonnet in it, he seriously damaged Mr Pecksniff's luggage, by +ardently hauling it down from the top of the house; and in short +evinced, by every means in his power, a lively sense of the favours +he had received from that gentleman and his family. + +Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jinkins came home to dinner arm-in-arm; for the +latter gentleman had made half-holiday on purpose; thus gaining an +immense advantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest, whose +time, as it perversely chanced, was all bespoke, until the evening. +The bottle of wine was Mr Pecksniff's treat, and they were very +sociable indeed; though full of lamentations on the necessity of +parting. While they were in the midst of their enjoyment, old +Anthony and his son were announced; much to the surprise of Mr +Pecksniff, and greatly to the discomfiture of Jinkins. + +'Come to say good-bye, you see,' said Anthony, in a low voice, to Mr +Pecksniff, as they took their seats apart at the table, while the +rest conversed among themselves. 'Where's the use of a division +between you and me? We are the two halves of a pair of scissors, +when apart, Pecksniff; but together we are something. Eh?' + +'Unanimity, my good sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'is always +delightful.' + +'I don't know about that,' said the old man, 'for there are some +people I would rather differ from than agree with. But you know my +opinion of you.' + +Mr Pecksniff, still having 'hypocrite' in his mind, only replied by +a motion of his head, which was something between an affirmative +bow, and a negative shake. + +'Complimentary,' said Anthony. 'Complimentary, upon my word. It +was an involuntary tribute to your abilities, even at the time; and +it was not a time to suggest compliments either. But we agreed in +the coach, you know, that we quite understood each other.' + +'Oh, quite!' assented Mr Pecksniff, in a manner which implied that +he himself was misunderstood most cruelly, but would not complain. + +Anthony glanced at his son as he sat beside Miss Charity, and then +at Mr Pecksniff, and then at his son again, very many times. It +happened that Mr Pecksniff's glances took a similar direction; but +when he became aware of it, he first cast down his eyes, and then +closed them; as if he were determined that the old man should read +nothing there. + +'Jonas is a shrewd lad,' said the old man. + +'He appears,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, 'to +be very shrewd.' + +'And careful,' said the old man. + +'And careful, I have no doubt,' returned Mr Pecksniff. + +'Look ye!' said Anthony in his ear. 'I think he is sweet upon you +daughter.' + +'Tut, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his eyes still closed; +'young people--young people--a kind of cousins, too--no more +sweetness than is in that, sir.' + +'Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our +experience,' returned Anthony. 'Isn't there a trifle more here?' + +'Impossible to say,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff. 'Quite impossible! You +surprise me.' + +'Yes, I know that,' said the old man, drily. 'It may last; I mean +the sweetness, not the surprise; and it may die off. Supposing it +should last, perhaps (you having feathered your nest pretty well, +and I having done the same), we might have a mutual interest in the +matter.' + +Mr Pecksniff, smiling gently, was about to speak, but Anthony +stopped him. + +'I know what you are going to say. It's quite unnecessary. You +have never thought of this for a moment; and in a point so nearly +affecting the happiness of your dear child, you couldn't, as a +tender father, express an opinion; and so forth. Yes, quite right. +And like you! But it seems to me, my dear Pecksniff,' added Anthony, +laying his hand upon his sleeve, 'that if you and I kept up the joke +of pretending not to see this, one of us might possibly be placed in +a position of disadvantage; and as I am very unwilling to be that +party myself, you will excuse my taking the liberty of putting the +matter beyond a doubt thus early; and having it distinctly +understood, as it is now, that we do see it, and do know it. Thank +you for your attention. We are now upon an equal footing; which is +agreeable to us both, I am sure.' + +He rose as he spoke; and giving Mr Pecksniff a nod of intelligence, +moved away from him to where the young people were sitting; leaving +that good man somewhat puzzled and discomfited by such very plain +dealing, and not quite free from a sense of having been foiled in +the exercise of his familiar weapons. + +But the night-coach had a punctual character, and it was time to +join it at the office; which was so near at hand that they had +already sent their luggage and arranged to walk. Thither the whole +party repaired, therefore, after no more delay than sufficed for the +equipment of the Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers. They found the +coach already at its starting-place, and the horses in; there, too, +were a large majority of the commercial gentlemen, including the +youngest, who was visibly agitated, and in a state of deep mental +dejection. + +Nothing could equal the distress of Mrs Todgers in parting from the +young ladies, except the strong emotions with which she bade adieu +to Mr Pecksniff. Never surely was a pocket-handkerchief taken in +and out of a flat reticule so often as Mrs Todgers's was, as she +stood upon the pavement by the coach-door supported on either side +by a commercial gentleman; and by the sight of the coach-lamps +caught such brief snatches and glimpses of the good man's face, as +the constant interposition of Mr Jinkins allowed. For Jinkins, to +the last the youngest gentleman's rock a-head in life, stood upon the +coachstep talking to the ladies. Upon the other step was Mr Jonas, +who maintained that position in right of his cousinship; whereas the +youngest gentleman, who had been first upon the ground, was deep in +the booking-office among the black and red placards, and the +portraits of fast coaches, where he was ignominiously harassed by +porters, and had to contend and strive perpetually with heavy +baggage. This false position, combined with his nervous excitement, +brought about the very consummation and catastrophe of his miseries; +for when in the moment of parting he aimed a flower, a hothouse +flower that had cost money, at the fair hand of Mercy, it reached, +instead, the coachman on the box, who thanked him kindly, and stuck +it in his buttonhole. + +They were off now; and Todgers's was alone again. The two young +ladies, leaning back in their separate corners, resigned themselves +to their own regretful thoughts. But Mr Pecksniff, dismissing all +ephemeral considerations of social pleasure and enjoyment, +concentrated his meditations on the one great virtuous purpose +before him, of casting out that ingrate and deceiver, whose presence +yet troubled his domestic hearth, and was a sacrilege upon the +altars of his household gods. + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE + +WILL BE SEEN IN THE LONG RUN, IF NOT IN THE SHORT ONE, TO CONCERN +MR PINCH AND OTHERS, NEARLY. MR PECKSNIFF ASSERTS THE DIGNITY OF +OUTRAGED VIRTUE. YOUNG MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT FORMS A DESPERATE +RESOLUTION + + +Mr Pinch and Martin, little dreaming of the stormy weather that +impended, made themselves very comfortable in the Pecksniffian +halls, and improved their friendship daily. Martin's facility, both +of invention and execution, being remarkable, the grammar-school +proceeded with great vigour; and Tom repeatedly declared, that if +there were anything like certainty in human affairs, or impartiality +in human judges, a design so new and full of merit could not fail to +carry off the first prize when the time of competition arrived. +Without being quite so sanguine himself, Martin had his hopeful +anticipations too; and they served to make him brisk and eager at +his task. + +'If I should turn out a great architect, Tom,' said the new pupil +one day, as he stood at a little distance from his drawing, and eyed +it with much complacency, 'I'll tell you what should be one of the +things I'd build.' + +'Aye!' cried Tom. 'What?' + +'Why, your fortune.' + +'No!' said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were +done. 'Would you though? How kind of you to say so.' + +'I'd build it up, Tom,' returned Martin, 'on such a strong +foundation, that it should last your life--aye, and your children's +lives too, and their children's after them. I'd be your patron, +Tom. I'd take you under my protection. Let me see the man who +should give the cold shoulder to anybody I chose to protect and +patronise, if I were at the top of the tree, Tom!' + +'Now, I don't think,' said Mr Pinch, 'upon my word, that I was ever +more gratified than by this. I really don't.' + +'Oh! I mean what I say,' retorted Martin, with a manner as free and +easy in its condescension to, not to say in its compassion for, the +other, as if he were already First Architect in ordinary to all the +Crowned Heads in Europe. 'I'd do it. I'd provide for you.' + +'I am afraid,' said Tom, shaking his head, 'that I should be a +mighty awkward person to provide for.' + +'Pooh, pooh!' rejoined Martin. 'Never mind that. If I took it in +my head to say, "Pinch is a clever fellow; I approve of Pinch;" I +should like to know the man who would venture to put himself in +opposition to me. Besides, confound it, Tom, you could be useful to +me in a hundred ways.' + +'If I were not useful in one or two, it shouldn't be for want of +trying,' said Tom. + +'For instance,' pursued Martin, after a short reflection, 'you'd be +a capital fellow, now, to see that my ideas were properly carried +out; and to overlook the works in their progress before they were +sufficiently advanced to be very interesting to ME; and to take all +that sort of plain sailing. Then you'd be a splendid fellow to show +people over my studio, and to talk about Art to 'em, when I couldn't +be bored myself, and all that kind of thing. For it would be +devilish creditable, Tom (I'm quite in earnest, I give you my word), +to have a man of your information about one, instead of some +ordinary blockhead. Oh, I'd take care of you. You'd be useful, +rely upon it!' + +To say that Tom had no idea of playing first fiddle in any social +orchestra, but was always quite satisfied to be set down for the +hundred and fiftieth violin in the band, or thereabouts, is to +express his modesty in very inadequate terms. He was much +delighted, therefore, by these observations. + +'I should be married to her then, Tom, of course,' said Martin. + +What was that which checked Tom Pinch so suddenly, in the high flow +of his gladness; bringing the blood into his honest cheeks, and a +remorseful feeling to his honest heart, as if he were unworthy of +his friend's regard? + +'I should be married to her then,' said Martin, looking with a smile +towards the light; 'and we should have, I hope, children about us. +They'd be very fond of you, Tom.' + +But not a word said Mr Pinch. The words he would have uttered died +upon his lips, and found a life more spiritual in self-denying +thoughts. + +'All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would +be, of course,' pursued Martin. 'Perhaps I might name one of 'em +after you. Tom, eh? Well, I don't know. Tom's not a bad name. +Thomas Pinch Chuzzlewit. T. P. C. on his pinafores--no objection +to that, I should say?' + +Tom cleared his throat, and smiled. + +'SHE would like you, Tom, I know,' said Martin. + +'Aye!' cried Tom Pinch, faintly. + +'I can tell exactly what she would think of you,' said Martin +leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking through the window-glass +as if he read there what he said; 'I know her so well. She would +smile, Tom, often at first when you spoke to her, or when she looked +at you--merrily too--but you wouldn't mind that. A brighter smile +you never saw.' + +'No, no,' said Tom. 'I wouldn't mind that.' + +'She would be as tender with you, Tom,' said Martin, 'as if you were +a child yourself. So you are almost, in some things, an't you, +Tom?' + +Mr Pinch nodded his entire assent. + +'She would always be kind and good-humoured, and glad to see you,' +said Martin; 'and when she found out exactly what sort of fellow you +were (which she'd do very soon), she would pretend to give you +little commissions to execute, and to ask little services of you, +which she knew you were burning to render; so that when she really +pleased you most, she would try to make you think you most pleased +her. She would take to you uncommonly, Tom; and would understand +you far more delicately than I ever shall; and would often say, I +know, that you were a harmless, gentle, well-intentioned, good +fellow.' + +How silent Tom Pinch was! + +'In honour of old time,' said Martin, 'and of her having heard you +play the organ in this damp little church down here--for nothing +too--we will have one in the house. I shall build an architectural +music-room on a plan of my own, and it'll look rather knowing in a +recess at one end. There you shall play away, Tom, till you tire +yourself; and, as you like to do so in the dark, it shall BE dark; +and many's the summer evening she and I will sit and listen to you, +Tom; be sure of that!' + +It may have required a stronger effort on Tom Pinch's part to leave +the seat on which he sat, and shake his friend by both hands, with +nothing but serenity and grateful feeling painted on his face; it +may have required a stronger effort to perform this simple act with +a pure heart, than to achieve many and many a deed to which the +doubtful trumpet blown by Fame has lustily resounded. Doubtful, +because from its long hovering over scenes of violence, the smoke +and steam of death have clogged the keys of that brave instrument; +and it is not always that its notes are either true or tuneful. + +'It's a proof of the kindness of human nature,' said Tom, +characteristically putting himself quite out of sight in the matter, +'that everybody who comes here, as you have done, is more +considerate and affectionate to me than I should have any right to +hope, if I were the most sanguine creature in the world; or should +have any power to express, if I were the most eloquent. It really +overpowers me. But trust me,' said Tom, 'that I am not ungrateful-- +that I never forget--and that if I can ever prove the truth of my +words to you, I will.' + +'That's all right,' observed Martin, leaning back in his chair with +a hand in each pocket, and yawning drearily. 'Very fine talking, +Tom; but I'm at Pecksniff's, I remember, and perhaps a mile or so +out of the high-road to fortune just at this minute. So you've +heard again this morning from what's his name, eh?' + +'Who may that be?' asked Tom, seeming to enter a mild protest on +behalf of the dignity of an absent person. + +'YOU know. What is it? Northkey.' + +'Westlock,' rejoined Tom, in rather a louder tone than usual. + +'Ah! to be sure,' said Martin, 'Westlock. I knew it was something +connected with a point of the compass and a door. Well! and what +says Westlock?' + +'Oh! he has come into his property,' answered Tom, nodding his head, +and smiling. + +'He's a lucky dog,' said Martin. 'I wish it were mine instead. Is +that all the mystery you were to tell me?' + +'No,' said Tom; 'not all.' + +'What's the rest?' asked Martin. + +'For the matter of that,' said Tom, 'it's no mystery, and you won't +think much of it; but it's very pleasant to me. John always used to +say when he was here, "Mark my words, Pinch. When my father's +executors cash up"--he used strange expressions now and then, but +that was his way.' + +'Cash-up's a very good expression,' observed Martin, 'when other +people don't apply it to you. Well!--What a slow fellow you are, +Pinch!' + +'Yes, I am I know,' said Tom; 'but you'll make me nervous if you +tell me so. I'm afraid you have put me out a little now, for I +forget what I was going to say.' + +'When John's father's executors cashed up,' said Martin impatiently. + +'Oh yes, to be sure,' cried Tom; 'yes. "Then," says John, "I'll +give you a dinner, Pinch, and come down to Salisbury on purpose." +Now, when John wrote the other day--the morning Pecksniff left, you +know--he said his business was on the point of being immediately +settled, and as he was to receive his money directly, when could I +meet him at Salisbury? I wrote and said, any day this week; and I +told him besides, that there was a new pupil here, and what a fine +fellow you were, and what friends we had become. Upon which John +writes back this letter'--Tom produced it--'fixes to-morrow; sends +his compliments to you; and begs that we three may have the pleasure +of dining together; not at the house where you and I were, either; +but at the very first hotel in the town. Read what he says.' + +'Very well,' said Martin, glancing over it with his customary +coolness; 'much obliged to him. I'm agreeable.' + +Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little +more pleased, or in some form or other a little more interested in +such a great event. But he was perfectly self-possessed; and falling +into his favourite solace of whistling, took another turn at the +grammar-school, as if nothing at all had happened. + +Mr Pecksniff's horse being regarded in the light of a sacred animal, +only to be driven by him, the chief priest of that temple, or by +some person distinctly nominated for the time being to that high +office by himself, the two young men agreed to walk to Salisbury; +and so, when the time came, they set off on foot; which was, after +all, a better mode of travelling than in the gig, as the weather was +very cold and very dry. + +Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walk--four statute miles an +hour--preferable to that rumbling, tumbling, jolting, shaking, +scraping, creaking, villanous old gig? Why, the two things will not +admit of comparison. It is an insult to the walk, to set them side +by side. Where is an instance of a gig having ever circulated a +man's blood, unless when, putting him in danger of his neck, it +awakened in his veins and in his ears, and all along his spine, a +tingling heat, much more peculiar than agreeable? When did a gig +ever sharpen anybody's wits and energies, unless it was when the +horse bolted, and, crashing madly down a steep hill with a stone +wall at the bottom, his desperate circumstances suggested to the +only gentleman left inside, some novel and unheard-of mode of +dropping out behind? Better than the gig! + +The air was cold, Tom; so it was, there was no denying it; but would +it have been more genial in the gig? The blacksmith's fire burned +very bright, and leaped up high, as though it wanted men to warm; +but would it have been less tempting, looked at from the clammy +cushions of a gig? The wind blew keenly, nipping the features of +the hardy wight who fought his way along; blinding him with his own +hair if he had enough to it, and wintry dust if he hadn't; stopping +his breath as though he had been soused in a cold bath; tearing +aside his wrappings-up, and whistling in the very marrow of his +bones; but it would have done all this a hundred times more fiercely +to a man in a gig, wouldn't it? A fig for gigs! + +Better than the gig! When were travellers by wheels and hoofs seen +with such red-hot cheeks as those? when were they so good- +humouredly and merrily bloused? when did their laughter ring upon +the air, as they turned them round, what time the stronger gusts +came sweeping up; and, facing round again as they passed by, dashed +on, in such a glow of ruddy health as nothing could keep pace with, +but the high spirits it engendered? Better than the gig! Why, here +is a man in a gig coming the same way now. Look at him as he passes +his whip into his left hand, chafes his numbed right fingers on his +granite leg, and beats those marble toes of his upon the foot-board. +Ha, ha, ha! Who would exchange this rapid hurry of the blood for +yonder stagnant misery, though its pace were twenty miles for one? + +Better than the gig! No man in a gig could have such interest in the +milestones. No man in a gig could see, or feel, or think, like +merry users of their legs. How, as the wind sweeps on, upon these +breezy downs, it tracks its flight in darkening ripples on the +grass, and smoothest shadows on the hills! Look round and round upon +this bare bleak plain, and see even here, upon a winter's day, how +beautiful the shadows are! Alas! it is the nature of their kind to +be so. The loveliest things in life, Tom, are but shadows; and they +come and go, and change and fade away, as rapidly as these! + +Another mile, and then begins a fall of snow, making the crow, who +skims away so close above the ground to shirk the wind, a blot of +ink upon the landscape. But though it drives and drifts against +them as they walk, stiffening on their skirts, and freezing in the +lashes of their eyes, they wouldn't have it fall more sparingly, no, +not so much as by a single flake, although they had to go a score of +miles. And, lo! the towers of the Old Cathedral rise before them, +even now! and by-and-bye they come into the sheltered streets, made +strangely silent by their white carpet; and so to the Inn for which +they are bound; where they present such flushed and burning faces to +the cold waiter, and are so brimful of vigour, that he almost feels +assaulted by their presence; and, having nothing to oppose to the +attack (being fresh, or rather stale, from the blazing fire in the +coffee-room), is quite put out of his pale countenance. + +A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling +joints of mutton; and in one corner an illustrious larder, with +glass doors, developing cold fowls and noble joints, and tarts +wherein the raspberry jam coyly withdrew itself, as such a precious +creature should, behind a lattice work of pastry. And behold, on +the first floor, at the court-end of the house, in a room with all +the window-curtains drawn, a fire piled half-way up the chimney, +plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming everywhere, and a +table spread for three, with silver and glass enough for thirty-- +John Westlock; not the old John of Pecksniff's, but a proper +gentleman; looking another and a grander person, with the +consciousness of being his own master and having money in the bank; +and yet in some respects the old John too, for he seized Tom Pinch +by both his hands the instant he appeared, and fairly hugged him, in +his cordial welcome. + +'And this,' said John, 'is Mr Chuzzlewit. I am very glad to see +him!'--John had an off-hand manner of his own; so they shook hands +warmly, and were friends in no time. + +'Stand off a moment, Tom,' cried the old pupil, laying one hand on +each of Mr Pinch's shoulders, and holding him out at arm's length. +'Let me look at you! Just the same! Not a bit changed!' + +'Why, it's not so very long ago, you know,' said Tom Pinch, 'after +all.' + +'It seems an age to me,' cried John. 'and so it ought to seem to +you, you dog.' And then he pushed Tom down into the easiest chair, +and clapped him on the back so heartily, and so like his old self in +their old bedroom at old Pecksniff's that it was a toss-up with Tom +Pinch whether he should laugh or cry. Laughter won it; and they all +three laughed together. + +'I have ordered everything for dinner, that we used to say we'd +have, Tom,' observed John Westlock. + +'No!' said Tom Pinch. 'Have you?' + +'Everything. Don't laugh, if you can help it, before the waiters. +I couldn't when I was ordering it. It's like a dream.' + +John was wrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup as was +put upon the table directly afterwards; or such fish; or such +side-dishes; or such a top and bottom; or such a course of birds and +sweets; or in short anything approaching the reality of that +entertainment at ten-and-sixpence a head, exclusive of wines. As to +THEM, the man who can dream such iced champagne, such claret, port, +or sherry, had better go to bed and stop there. + +But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobody was +half so much amazed by everything as John himself, who in his high +delight was constantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then +endeavouring to appear preternaturally solemn, lest the waiters +should conceive he wasn't used to it. Some of the things they +brought him to carve, were such outrageous practical jokes, though, +that it was impossible to stand it; and when Tom Pinch insisted, in +spite of the deferential advice of an attendant, not only on +breaking down the outer wall of a raised pie with a tablespoon, but +on trying to eat it afterwards, John lost all dignity, and sat +behind the gorgeous dish-cover at the head of the table, roaring to +that extent that he was audible in the kitchen. Nor had he the +least objection to laugh at himself, as he demonstrated when they +had all three gathered round the fire and the dessert was on the +table; at which period the head waiter inquired with respectful +solicitude whether that port, being a light and tawny wine, was +suited to his taste, or whether he would wish to try a fruity port +with greater body. To this John gravely answered that he was well +satisfied with what he had, which he esteemed, as one might say, a +pretty tidy vintage; for which the waiter thanked him and withdrew. +And then John told his friends, with a broad grin, that he supposed +it was all right, but he didn't know; and went off into a perfect +shout. + +They were very merry and full of enjoyment the whole time, but not +the least pleasant part of the festival was when they all three sat +about the fire, cracking nuts, drinking wine and talking cheerfully. +It happened that Tom Pinch had a word to say to his friend the +organist's assistant, and so deserted his warm corner for a few +minutes at this season, lest it should grow too late; leaving the +other two young men together. + +They drank his health in his absence, of course; and John Westlock +took that opportunity of saying, that he had never had even a +peevish word with Tom during the whole term of their residence in Mr +Pecksniff's house. This naturally led him to dwell upon Tom's +character, and to hint that Mr Pecksniff understood it pretty well. +He only hinted this, and very distantly; knowing that it pained Tom +Pinch to have that gentleman disparaged, and thinking it would be as +well to leave the new pupil to his own discoveries. + +'Yes,' said Martin. 'It's impossible to like Pinch better than I +do, or to do greater justice to his good qualities. He is the most +willing fellow I ever saw.' + +'He's rather too willing,' observed John, who was quick in +observation. 'It's quite a fault in him.' + +'So it is,' said Martin. 'Very true. There was a fellow only a +week or so ago--a Mr Tigg--who borrowed all the money he had, on a +promise to repay it in a few days. It was but half a sovereign, to +be sure; but it's well it was no more, for he'll never see it +again.' + +'Poor fellow!' said John, who had been very attentive to these few +words. 'Perhaps you have not had an opportunity of observing that, +in his own pecuniary transactions, Tom's proud.' + +'You don't say so! No, I haven't. What do you mean? Won't he +borrow?' + +John Westlock shook his head. + +'That's very odd,' said Martin, setting down his empty glass. 'He's +a strange compound, to be sure.' + +'As to receiving money as a gift,' resumed John Westlock; 'I think +he'd die first.' + +'He's made up of simplicity,' said Martin. 'Help yourself.' + +'You, however,' pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at +his companion with some curiosity, 'who are older than the majority +of Mr Pecksniff's assistants, and have evidently had much more +experience, understand him, I have no doubt, and see how liable he +is to be imposed upon.' + +'Certainly,' said Martin, stretching out his legs, and holding his +wine between his eye and the light. 'Mr Pecksniff knows that too. +So do his daughters. Eh?' + +John Westlock smiled, but made no answer. + +'By the bye,' said Martin, 'that reminds me. What's your opinion of +Pecksniff? How did he use you? What do you think of him now?-- +Coolly, you know, when it's all over?' + +'Ask Pinch,' returned the old pupil. 'He knows what my sentiments +used to be upon the subject. They are not changed, I assure you.' + +'No, no,' said Martin, 'I'd rather have them from you.' + +'But Pinch says they are unjust,' urged John with a smile. + +'Oh! well! Then I know what course they take beforehand,' said +Martin; 'and, therefore, you can have no delicacy in speaking +plainly. Don't mind me, I beg. I don't like him I tell you +frankly. I am with him because it happens from particular +circumstances to suit my convenience. I have some ability, I +believe, in that way; and the obligation, if any, will most likely +be on his side and not mine. At the lowest mark, the balance will +be even, and there'll be no obligation at all. So you may talk to +me, as if I had no connection with him.' + +'If you press me to give my opinion--' returned John Westlock. + +'Yes, I do,' said Martin. 'You'll oblige me.' + +'--I should say,' resumed the other, 'that he is the most consummate +scoundrel on the face of the earth.' + +'Oh!' said Martin, as coolly as ever. 'That's rather strong.' + +'Not stronger than he deserves,' said John; 'and if he called upon +me to express my opinion of him to his face, I would do so in the +very same terms, without the least qualification. His treatment of +Pinch is in itself enough to justify them; but when I look back upon +the five years I passed in that house, and remember the hyprocrisy, +the knavery, the meannesses, the false pretences, the lip service of +that fellow, and his trading in saintly semblances for the very +worst realities; when I remember how often I was the witness of all +this and how often I was made a kind of party to it, by the fact of +being there, with him for my teacher; I swear to you that I almost +despise myself.' + +Martin drained his glass, and looked at the fire. + +'I don't mean to say that is a right feeling,' pursued John Westlock +'because it was no fault of mine; and I can quite understand--you +for instance, fully appreciating him, and yet being forced by +circumstances to remain there. I tell you simply what my feeling +is; and even now, when, as you say, it's all over; and when I have +the satisfaction of knowing that he always hated me, and we always +quarrelled, and I always told him my mind; even now, I feel sorry +that I didn't yield to an impulse I often had, as a boy, of running +away from him and going abroad.' + +'Why abroad?' asked Martin, turning his eyes upon the speaker. + +'In search,' replied John Westlock, shrugging his shoulders, 'of the +livelihood I couldn't have earned at home. There would have been +something spirited in that. But, come! Fill your glass, and let us +forget him.' + +'As soon as you please,' said Martin. 'In reference to myself and +my connection with him, I have only to repeat what I said before. I +have taken my own way with him so far, and shall continue to do so, +even more than ever; for the fact is, to tell you the truth, that I +believe he looks to me to supply his defects, and couldn't afford to +lose me. I had a notion of that in first going there. Your +health!' + +'Thank you,' returned young Westlock. 'Yours. And may the new +pupil turn out as well as you can desire!' + +'What new pupil?' + +'The fortunate youth, born under an auspicious star,' returned John +Westlock, laughing; 'whose parents, or guardians, are destined to be +hooked by the advertisement. What! Don't you know that he has +advertised again?' + +'No.' + +'Oh, yes. I read it just before dinner in the old newspaper. I +know it to be his; having some reason to remember the style. Hush! +Here's Pinch. Strange, is it not, that the more he likes Pecksniff +(if he can like him better than he does), the greater reason one has +to like HIM? Not a word more, or we shall spoil his whole +enjoyment.' + +Tom entered as the words were spoken, with a radiant smile upon his +face; and rubbing his hands, more from a sense of delight than +because he was cold (for he had been running fast), sat down in his +warm corner again, and was as happy as only Tom Pinch could be. +There is no other simile that will express his state of mind. + +'And so,' he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in +silent pleasure, 'so you really are a gentleman at last, John. +Well, to be sure!' + +'Trying to be, Tom; trying to be,' he rejoined good-humouredly. +'There is no saying what I may turn out, in time.' + +'I suppose you wouldn't carry your own box to the mail now?' said +Tom Pinch, smiling; 'although you lost it altogether by not taking +it.' + +'Wouldn't I?' retorted John. 'That's all you know about it, Pinch. +It must be a very heavy box that I wouldn't carry to get away from +Pecksniff's, Tom.' + +'There!' cried Pinch, turning to Martin, 'I told you so. The great +fault in his character is his injustice to Pecksniff. You mustn't +mind a word he says on that subject. His prejudice is most +extraordinary.' + +'The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom's part, you know,' +said John Westlock, laughing heartily, as he laid his hand on Mr +Pinch's shoulder, 'is perfectly wonderful. If one man ever had a +profound knowledge of another, and saw him in a true light, and in +his own proper colours, Tom has that knowledge of Mr Pecksniff.' + +'Why, of course I have,' cried Tom. 'That's exactly what I have so +often said to you. If you knew him as well as I do--John, I'd give +almost any money to bring that about--you'd admire, respect, and +reverence him. You couldn't help it. Oh, how you wounded his +feelings when you went away!' + +'If I had known whereabout his feelings lay,' retorted young +Westlock, 'I'd have done my best, Tom, with that end in view, you +may depend upon it. But as I couldn't wound him in what he has not, +and in what he knows nothing of, except in his ability to probe them +to the quick in other people, I am afraid I can lay no claim to your +compliment.' + +Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might +possibly corrupt Martin, forbore to say anything in reply to this +speech; but John Westlock, whom nothing short of an iron gag would +have silenced when Mr Pecksniff's merits were once in question, +continued notwithstanding. + +'HIS feelings! Oh, he's a tender-hearted man. HIS feelings! Oh, +he's a considerate, conscientious, self-examining, moral vagabond, +he is! HIS feelings! Oh!--what's the matter, Tom?' + +Mr Pinch was by this time erect upon the hearth-rug, buttoning his +coat with great energy. + +'I can't bear it,' said Tom, shaking his head. 'No. I really +cannot. You must excuse me, John. I have a great esteem and +friendship for you; I love you very much; and have been perfectly +charmed and overjoyed to-day, to find you just the same as ever; but +I cannot listen to this.' + +'Why, it's my old way, Tom; and you say yourself that you are glad +to find me unchanged.' + +'Not in this respect,' said Tom Pinch. 'You must excuse me, John. +I cannot, really; I will not. It's very wrong; you should be more +guarded in your expressions. It was bad enough when you and I used +to be alone together, but under existing circumstances, I can't +endure it, really. No. I cannot, indeed.' + +'You are quite right!' exclaimed the other, exchanging looks with +Martin. 'and I am quite wrong, Tom. I don't know how the deuce we +fell on this unlucky theme. I beg your pardon with all my heart.' + +'You have a free and manly temper, I know,' said Pinch; 'and +therefore, your being so ungenerous in this one solitary instance, +only grieves me the more. It's not my pardon you have to ask, John. +You have done ME nothing but kindnesses.' + +'Well! Pecksniff's pardon then,' said young Westlock. 'Anything +Tom, or anybody. Pecksniff's pardon--will that do? Here! let us +drink Pecksniff's health!' + +'Thank you,' cried Tom, shaking hands with him eagerly, and filling +a bumper. 'Thank you; I'll drink it with all my heart, John. Mr +Pecksniff's health, and prosperity to him!' + +John Westlock echoed the sentiment, or nearly so; for he drank Mr +Pecksniff's health, and Something to him--but what, was not quite +audible. The general unanimity being then completely restored, they +drew their chairs closer round the fire, and conversed in perfect +harmony and enjoyment until bed-time. + +No slight circumstance, perhaps, could have better illustrated the +difference of character between John Westlock and Martin Chuzzlewit, +than the manner in which each of the young men contemplated Tom +Pinch, after the little rupture just described. There was a certain +amount of jocularity in the looks of both, no doubt, but there all +resemblance ceased. The old pupil could not do enough to show Tom +how cordially he felt towards him, and his friendly regard seemed of +a graver and more thoughtful kind than before. The new one, on the +other hand, had no impulse but to laugh at the recollection of Tom's +extreme absurdity; and mingled with his amusement there was +something slighting and contemptuous, indicative, as it appeared, of +his opinion that Mr Pinch was much too far gone in simplicity to be +admitted as the friend, on serious and equal terms, of any rational +man. + +John Westlock, who did nothing by halves, if he could help it, had +provided beds for his two guests in the hotel; and after a very +happy evening, they retired. Mr Pinch was sitting on the side of +his bed with his cravat and shoes off, ruminating on the manifold +good qualities of his old friend, when he was interrupted by a knock +at his chamber door, and the voice of John himself. + +'You're not asleep yet, are you, Tom?' + +'Bless you, no! not I. I was thinking of you,' replied Tom, opening +the door. 'Come in.' + +'I am not going to detail you,' said John; 'but I have forgotten all +the evening a little commission I took upon myself; and I am afraid +I may forget it again, if I fail to discharge it at once. You know +a Mr Tigg, Tom, I believe?' + +'Tigg!' cried Tom. 'Tigg! The gentleman who borrowed some money of +me?' + +'Exactly,' said John Westlock. 'He begged me to present his +compliments, and to return it with many thanks. Here it is. I +suppose it's a good one, but he is rather a doubtful kind of +customer, Tom.' + +Mr Pinch received the little piece of gold with a face whose +brightness might have shamed the metal; and said he had no fear +about that. He was glad, he added, to find Mr Tigg so prompt and +honourable in his dealings; very glad. + +'Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,' replied his friend, 'he is not +always so. If you'll take my advice, you'll avoid him as much as +you can, in the event of your encountering him again. And by no +means, Tom--pray bear this in mind, for I am very serious--by no +means lend him money any more.' + +'Aye, aye!' said Tom, with his eyes wide open. + +'He is very far from being a reputable acquaintance,' returned young +Westlock; 'and the more you let him know you think so, the better +for you, Tom.' + +'I say, John,' quoth Mr Pinch, as his countenance fell, and he shook +his head in a dejected manner. 'I hope you are not getting into bad +company.' + +'No, no,' he replied laughing. 'Don't be uneasy on that score.' + +'Oh, but I AM uneasy,' said Tom Pinch; 'I can't help it, when I hear +you talking in that way. If Mr Tigg is what you describe him to be, +you have no business to know him, John. You may laugh, but I don't +consider it by any means a laughing matter, I assure you.' + +'No, no,' returned his friend, composing his features. 'Quite +right. It is not, certainly.' + +'You know, John,' said Mr Pinch, 'your very good nature and kindness +of heart make you thoughtless, and you can't be too careful on such +a point as this. Upon my word, if I thought you were falling among +bad companions, I should be quite wretched, for I know how difficult +you would find it to shake them off. I would much rather have lost +this money, John, than I would have had it back again on such +terms.' + +'I tell you, my dear good old fellow,' cried his friend, shaking him +to and fro with both hands, and smiling at him with a cheerful, open +countenance, that would have carried conviction to a mind much more +suspicious than Tom's; 'I tell you there is no danger.' + +'Well!' cried Tom, 'I am glad to hear it; I am overjoyed to hear it. +I am sure there is not, when you say so in that manner. You won't +take it ill, John, that I said what I did just now!' + +'Ill!' said the other, giving his hand a hearty squeeze; 'why what +do you think I am made of? Mr Tigg and I are not on such an +intimate footing that you need be at all uneasy, I give you my +solemn assurance of that, Tom. You are quite comfortable now?' + +'Quite,' said Tom. + +'Then once more, good night!' + +'Good night!' cried Tom; 'and such pleasant dreams to you as should +attend the sleep of the best fellow in the world!' + +'--Except Pecksniff,' said his friend, stopping at the door for a +moment, and looking gayly back. + +'Except Pecksniff,' answered Tom, with great gravity; 'of course.' + +And thus they parted for the night; John Westlock full of light- +heartedness and good humour, and poor Tom Pinch quite satisfied; +though still, as he turned over on his side in bed, he muttered to +himself, 'I really do wish, for all that, though, that he wasn't +acquainted with Mr Tigg.' + +They breakfasted together very early next morning, for the two young +men desired to get back again in good season; and John Westlock was +to return to London by the coach that day. As he had some hours to +spare, he bore them company for three or four miles on their walk, +and only parted from them at last in sheer necessity. The parting +was an unusually hearty one, not only as between him and Tom Pinch, +but on the side of Martin also, who had found in the old pupil a +very different sort of person from the milksop he had prepared +himself to expect. + +Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a +little distance, and looked back. They were walking at a brisk +pace, and Tom appeared to be talking earnestly. Martin had taken +off his greatcoat, the wind being now behind them, and carried it +upon his arm. As he looked, he saw Tom relieve him of it, after a +faint resistance, and, throwing it upon his own, encumber himself +with the weight of both. This trivial incident impressed the old +pupil mightily, for he stood there, gazing after them, until they +were hidden from his view; when he shook his head, as if he were +troubled by some uneasy reflection, and thoughtfully retraced his +steps to Salisbury. + +In the meantime, Martin and Tom pursued their way, until they +halted, safe and sound, at Mr Pecksniff's house, where a brief +epistle from that good gentleman to Mr Pinch announced the family's +return by that night's coach. As it would pass the corner of the +lane at about six o'clock in the morning, Mr Pecksniff requested +that the gig might be in waiting at the finger-post about that time, +together with a cart for the luggage. And to the end that he might +be received with the greater honour, the young men agreed to rise +early, and be upon the spot themselves. + +It was the least cheerful day they had yet passed together. Martin +was out of spirits and out of humour, and took every opportunity of +comparing his condition and prospects with those of young Westlock; +much to his own disadvantage always. This mood of his depressed +Tom; and neither that morning's parting, nor yesterday's dinner, +helped to mend the matter. So the hours dragged on heavily enough; +and they were glad to go to bed early. + +They were not quite so glad to get up again at half-past four +o'clock, in all the shivering discomfort of a dark winter's morning; +but they turned out punctually, and were at the finger-post full +half-an-hour before the appointed time. It was not by any means a +lively morning, for the sky was black and cloudy, and it rained +hard; but Martin said there was some satisfaction in seeing that +brute of a horse (by this, he meant Mr Pecksniff's Arab steed) +getting very wet; and that he rejoiced, on his account, that it +rained so fast. From this it may be inferred that Martin's spirits +had not improved, as indeed they had not; for while he and Mr Pinch +stood waiting under a hedge, looking at the rain, the gig, the cart, +and its reeking driver, he did nothing but grumble; and, but that it +is indispensable to any dispute that there should be two parties to +it, he would certainly have picked a quarrel with Tom. + +At length the noise of wheels was faintly audible in the distance +and presently the coach came splashing through the mud and mire with +one miserable outside passenger crouching down among wet straw, +under a saturated umbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in +a fellowship of dripping wretchedness. Immediately on its stopping, +Mr Pecksniff let down the window-glass and hailed Tom Pinch. + +'Dear me, Mr Pinch! Is it possible that you are out upon this very +inclement morning?' + +'Yes, sir,' cried Tom, advancing eagerly, 'Mr Chuzzlewit and I, +sir.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking not so much at Martin as at the +spot on which he stood. 'Oh! Indeed. Do me the favour to see to +the trunks, if you please, Mr Pinch.' + +Then Mr Pecksniff descended, and helped his daughters to alight; but +neighter he nor the young ladies took the slightest notice of Martin, +who had advanced to offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr +Pecksniff's standing immediately before his person, with his back +towards him. In the same manner, and in profound silence, Mr +Pecksniff handed his daughters into the gig; and following himself +and taking the reins, drove off home. + +Lost in astonishment, Martin stood staring at the coach, and when +the coach had driven away, at Mr Pinch, and the luggage, until the +cart moved off too; when he said to Tom: + +'Now will you have the goodness to tell me what THIS portends?' + +'What?' asked Tom. + +'This fellow's behaviour. Mr Pecksniff's, I mean. You saw it?' + +'No. Indeed I did not,' cried Tom. 'I was busy with the trunks.' + +'It is no matter,' said Martin. 'Come! Let us make haste back!' +And without another word started off at such a pace, that Tom +had some difficulty in keeping up with him. + +He had no care where he went, but walked through little heaps of mud +and little pools of water with the utmost indifference; looking +straight before him, and sometimes laughing in a strange manner +within himself. Tom felt that anything he could say would only +render him the more obstinate, and therefore trusted to Mr +Pecksniff's manner when they reached the house, to remove the +mistaken impression under which he felt convinced so great a +favourite as the new pupil must unquestionably be labouring. But he +was not a little amazed himself, when they did reach it, and entered +the parlour where Mr Pecksniff was sitting alone before the fire, +drinking some hot tea, to find that instead of taking favourable +notice of his relative and keeping him, Mr Pinch, in the background, +he did exactly the reverse, and was so lavish in his attentions to +Tom, that Tom was thoroughly confounded. + +'Take some tea, Mr Pinch--take some tea,' said Pecksniff, stirring +the fire. 'You must be very cold and damp. Pray take some tea, and +come into a warm place, Mr Pinch.' + +Tom saw that Martin looked at Mr Pecksniff as though he could have +easily found it in his heart to give HIM an invitation to a very +warm place; but he was quite silent, and standing opposite that +gentleman at the table, regarded him attentively. + +'Take a chair, Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'Take a chair, if you +please. How have things gone on in our absence, Mr Pinch?' + +'You--you will be very much pleased with the grammar-school, sir,' +said Tom. 'It's nearly finished.' + +'If you will have the goodness, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, waving +his hand and smiling, 'we will not discuss anything connected with +that question at present. What have YOU been doing, Thomas, humph?' + +Mr Pinch looked from master to pupil, and from pupil to master, and +was so perplexed and dismayed that he wanted presence of mind to +answer the question. In this awkward interval, Mr Pecksniff (who +was perfectly conscious of Martin's gaze, though he had never once +glanced towards him) poked the fire very much, and when he couldn't +do that any more, drank tea assiduously. + +'Now, Mr Pecksniff,' said Martin at last, in a very quiet voice, 'if +you have sufficiently refreshed and recovered yourself, I shall be +glad to hear what you mean by this treatment of me.' + +'And what,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even +more placidly and gently than before, 'what have YOU been doing, +Thomas, humph?' + +When he had repeated this inquiry, he looked round the walls of the +room as if he were curious to see whether any nails had been left +there by accident in former times. + +Tom was almost at his wit's end what to say between the two, and had +already made a gesture as if he would call Mr Pecksniff's attention +to the gentleman who had last addressed him, when Martin saved him +further trouble, by doing so himself. + +'Mr Pecksniff,' he said, softly rapping the table twice or thrice, +and moving a step or two nearer, so that he could have touched him +with his hand; 'you heard what I said just now. Do me the favour to +reply, if you please. I ask you'--he raised his voice a little +here--'what you mean by this?' + +'I will talk to you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff in a severe voice, as +he looked at him for the first time, 'presently.' + +'You are very obliging,' returned Martin; 'presently will not do. I +must trouble you to talk to me at once.' + +Mr Pecksniff made a feint of being deeply interested in his +pocketbook, but it shook in his hands; he trembled so. + +'Now,' retorted Martin, rapping the table again. 'Now. Presently +will not do. Now!' + +'Do you threaten me, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer +might have detected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps +an involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr +Pecksniff's cravat. + +'I lament to be obliged to say, sir,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, 'that it +would be quite in keeping with your character if you did threaten +me. You have deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you +knew to be confiding and unsuspicious. You have obtained admission, +sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising, 'to this house, on perverted +statements and on false pretences.' + +'Go on,' said Martin, with a scornful smile. 'I understand you now. +What more?' + +'Thus much more, sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, trembling from head to +foot, and trying to rub his hands, as though he were only cold. +'Thus much more, if you force me to publish your shame before a +third party, which I was unwilling and indisposed to do. This lowly +roof, sir, must not be contaminated by the presence of one who has +deceived, and cruelly deceived, an honourable, beloved, venerated, +and venerable gentleman; and who wisely suppressed that deceit from +me when he sought my protection and favour, knowing that, humble as +I am, I am an honest man, seeking to do my duty in this carnal +universe, and setting my face against all vice and treachery. I +weep for your depravity, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I mourn over your +corruption, I pity your voluntary withdrawal of yourself from the +flowery paths of purity and peace;' here he struck himself upon his +breast, or moral garden; 'but I cannot have a leper and a serpent +for an inmate. Go forth,' said Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his +hand: 'go forth, young man! Like all who know you, I renounce you!' + +With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it +is impossible to say. It is enough to know that Tom Pinch caught +him in his arms, and that, at the same moment, Mr Pecksniff stepped +back so hastily, that he missed his footing, tumbled over a chair, +and fell in a sitting posture on the ground; where he remained +without an effort to get up again, with his head in a corner, +perhaps considering it the safest place. + +'Let me go, Pinch!' cried Martin, shaking him away. 'Why do you +hold me? Do you think a blow could make him a more abject creature +than he is? Do you think that if I spat upon him, I could degrade +him to a lower level than his own? Look at him. Look at him, +Pinch!' + +Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been +already mentioned, on the carpet, with his head in an acute angle of +the wainscot, and all the damage and detriment of an uncomfortable +journey about him, was not exactly a model of all that is +prepossessing and dignified in man, certainly. Still he WAS +Pecksniff; it was impossible to deprive him of that unique and +paramount appeal to Tom. And he returned Tom's glance, as if he +would have said, 'Aye, Mr Pinch, look at me! Here I am! You know +what the Poet says about an honest man; and an honest man is one of +the few great works that can be seen for nothing! Look at me!' + +'I tell you,' said Martin, 'that as he lies there, disgraced, +bought, used; a cloth for dirty hands, a mat for dirty feet, a +lying, fawning, servile hound, he is the very last and worst among +the vermin of the world. And mark me, Pinch! The day will come--he +knows it; see it written on his face, while I speak!--when even you +will find him out, and will know him as I do, and as he knows I do. +HE renounce ME! Cast your eyes on the Renouncer, Pinch, and be the +wiser for the recollection!' + +He pointed at him as he spoke, with unutterable contempt, and +flinging his hat upon his head, walked from the room and from the +house. He went so rapidly that he was already clear of the village, +when he heard Tom Pinch calling breathlessly after him in the +distance. + +'Well! what now?' he said, when Tom came up. + +'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'are you going?' + +'Going!' he echoed. 'Going!' + +'I didn't so much mean that, as were you going now at once--in this +bad weather--on foot--without your clothes--with no money?' cried +Tom. + +'Yes,' he answered sternly, 'I am.' + +'And where?' cried Tom. 'Oh where will you go?' + +'I don't know,' he said. 'Yes, I do. I'll go to America!' + +'No, no,' cried Tom, in a kind of agony. 'Don't go there. Pray +don't. Think better of it. Don't be so dreadfully regardless of +yourself. Don't go to America!' + +'My mind is made up,' he said. 'Your friend was right. I'll go to +America. God bless you, Pinch!' + +'Take this!' cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation. +'I must make haste back, and can't say anything I would. Heaven be +with you. Look at the leaf I have turned down. Good-bye, good-bye!' + +The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down +his cheeks; and they parted hurriedly upon their separate ways. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN + +SHOWING WHAT BECAME OF MARTIN AND HIS DESPARATE RESOLVE, AFTER HE +LEFT MR PECKSNIFF'S HOUSE; WHAT PERSONS HE ENCOUNTERED; WHAT +ANXIETIES HE SUFFERED; AND WHAT NEWS HE HEARD + + +Carrying Tom Pinch's book quite unconsciously under his arm, and not +even buttoning his coat as a protection against the heavy rain, +Martin went doggedly forward at the same quick pace, until he had +passed the finger-post, and was on the high road to London. He +slackened very little in his speed even then, but he began to think, +and look about him, and to disengage his senses from the coil of +angry passions which hitherto had held them prisoner. + +It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeable +employment either for his moral or his physical perceptions. The +day was dawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen +clouds came driving up before it, from which the rain descended in a +thick, wet mist. It streamed from every twig and bramble in the +hedge; made little gullies in the path; ran down a hundred channels +in the road; and punched innumerable holes into the face of every +pond and gutter. It fell with an oozy, slushy sound among the +grass; and made a muddy kennel of every furrow in the ploughed +fields. No living creature was anywhere to be seen. The prospect +could hardly have been more desolate if animated nature had been +dissolved in water, and poured down upon the earth again in that +form. + +The range of view within the solitary traveller was quite as +cheerless as the scene without. Friendless and penniless; incensed +to the last degree; deeply wounded in his pride and self-love; full +of independent schemes, and perfectly destitute of any means of +realizing them; his most vindictive enemy might have been satisfied +with the extent of his troubles. To add to his other miseries, he +was by this time sensible of being wet to the skin, and cold at his +very heart. + +In this deplorable condition he remembered Mr Pinch's book; more +because it was rather troublesome to carry, than from any hope of +being comforted by that parting gift. He looked at the dingy +lettering on the back, and finding it to be an odd volume of the +'Bachelor of Salamanca,' in the French tongue, cursed Tom Pinch's +folly twenty times. He was on the point of throwing it away, in his +ill-humour and vexation, when he bethought himself that Tom had +referred him to a leaf, turned down; and opening it at that place, +that he might have additional cause of complaint against him for +supposing that any cold scrap of the Bachelor's wisdom could cheer +him in such circumstances, found!-- + +Well, well! not much, but Tom's all. The half-sovereign. He had +wrapped it hastily in a piece of paper, and pinned it to the leaf. +These words were scrawled in pencil on the inside: 'I don't want it +indeed. I should not know what to do with it if I had it.' + +There are some falsehoods, Tom, on which men mount, as on bright +wings, towards Heaven. There are some truths, cold bitter taunting +truths, wherein your worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, +which bind men down to earth with leaden chains. Who would not +rather have to fan him, in his dying hour, the lightest feather of a +falsehood such as thine, than all the quills that have been plucked +from the sharp porcupine, reproachful truth, since time began! + +Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom's +keenly. After a few minutes it had the effect of raising his +spirits, and reminding him that he was not altogether destitute, as +he had left a fair stock of clothes behind him, and wore a gold +hunting-watch in his pocket. He found a curious gratification, too, +in thinking what a winning fellow he must be to have made such an +impression on Tom; and in reflecting how superior he was to Tom; and +how much more likely to make his way in the world. Animated by +these thoughts, and strengthened in his design of endeavouring to +push his fortune in another country, he resolved to get to London as +a rallying-point, in the best way he could; and to lose no time +about it. + +He was ten good miles from the village made illustrious by being the +abiding-place of Mr Pecksniff, when he stopped to breakfast at a +little roadside alehouse; and resting upon a high-backed settle +before the fire, pulled off his coat, and hung it before the +cheerful blaze to dry. It was a very different place from the last +tavern in which he had regaled; boasting no greater extent of +accommodation than the brick-floored kitchen yielded; but the mind +so soon accommodates itself to the necessities of the body, that +this poor waggoner's house-of-call, which he would have despised +yesterday, became now quite a choice hotel; while his dish of eggs +and bacon, and his mug of beer, were not by any means the coarse +fare he had supposed, but fully bore out the inscription on the +window-shutter, which proclaimed those viands to be 'Good +entertainment for Travellers.' + +He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the +hearth before him, looked thoughtfully at the fire until his eyes +ached. Then he looked at the highly-coloured scripture pieces on +the walls, in little black frames like common shaving-glasses, and +saw how the Wise Men (with a strong family likeness among them) +worshipped in a pink manger; and how the Prodigal Son came home in +red rags to a purple father, and already feasted his imagination on +a sea-green calf. Then he glanced through the window at the falling +rain, coming down aslant upon the sign-post over against the house, +and overflowing the horse-trough; and then he looked at the fire +again, and seemed to descry a double distant London, retreating +among the fragments of the burning wood. + +He had repeated this process in just the same order, many times, as +if it were a matter of necessity, when the sound of wheels called +his attention to the window out of its regular turn; and there he +beheld a kind of light van drawn by four horses, and laden, as well +as he could see (for it was covered in), with corn and straw. The +driver, who was alone, stopped at the door to water his team, and +presently came stamping and shaking the wet off his hat and coat, +into the room where Martin sat. + +He was a red-faced burly young fellow; smart in his way, and with a +good-humoured countenance. As he advanced towards the fire he +touched his shining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff +leather glove, by way of salutation; and said (rather unnecessarily) +that it was an uncommon wet day. + +'Very wet,' said Martin. + +'I don't know as ever I see a wetter.' + +'I never felt one,' said Martin. + +The driver glanced at Martin's soiled dress, and his damp shirt- +sleeves, and his coat hung up to dry; and said, after a pause, as he +warmed his hands: + +'You have been caught in it, sir?' + +'Yes,' was the short reply. + +'Out riding, maybe?' said the driver + +'I should have been, if I owned a horse; but I don't,' returned +Martin. + +'That's bad,' said the driver. + +'And may be worse,' said Martin. + +Now the driver said 'That's bad,' not so much because Martin didn't +own a horse, as because he said he didn't with all the reckless +desperation of his mood and circumstances, and so left a great deal +to be inferred. Martin put his hands in his pockets and whistled +when he had retorted on the driver; thus giving him to understand +that he didn't care a pin for Fortune; that he was above pretending +to be her favourite when he was not; and that he snapped his fingers +at her, the driver, and everybody else. + +The driver looked at him stealthily for a minute or so; and in the +pauses of his warming whistled too. At length he asked, as he +pointed his thumb towards the road. + +'Up or down?' + +'Which IS up?' said Martin. + +'London, of course,' said the driver. + +'Up then,' said Martin. He tossed his head in a careless manner +afterwards, as if he would have added, 'Now you know all about it.' +put his hands deeper into his pockets; changed his tune, and +whistled a little louder. + +'I'm going up,' observed the driver; 'Hounslow, ten miles this side +London.' + +'Are you?' cried Martin, stopping short and looking at him. + +The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again +and answered, 'Aye, to be sure he was.' + +'Why, then,' said Martin, 'I'll be plain with you. You may suppose +from my dress that I have money to spare. I have not. All I can +afford for coach-hire is a crown, for I have but two. If you can +take me for that, and my waistcoat, or this silk handkerchief, do. +If you can't, leave it alone.' + +'Short and sweet,' remarked the driver. + +'You want more?' said Martin. 'Then I haven't got more, and I can't +get it, so there's an end of that.' Whereupon he began to whistle +again. + +'I didn't say I wanted more, did I?' asked the driver, with +something like indignation. + +'You didn't say my offer was enough,' rejoined Martin. + +'Why, how could I, when you wouldn't let me? In regard to the +waistcoat, I wouldn't have a man's waistcoat, much less a +gentleman's waistcoat, on my mind, for no consideration; but the +silk handkerchief's another thing; and if you was satisfied when we +got to Hounslow, I shouldn't object to that as a gift.' + +'Is it a bargain, then?' said Martin. + +'Yes, it is,' returned the other. + +'Then finish this beer,' said Martin, handing him the mug, and +pulling on his coat with great alacrity; 'and let us be off as soon +as you like.' + +In two minutes more he had paid his bill, which amounted to a +shilling; was lying at full length on a truss of straw, high and dry +at the top of the van, with the tilt a little open in front for the +convenience of talking to his new friend; and was moving along in +the right direction with a most satisfactory and encouraging +briskness. + +The driver's name, as he soon informed Martin, was William Simmons, +better known as Bill; and his spruce appearance was sufficiently +explained by his connection with a large stage-coaching establishment +at Hounslow, whither he was conveying his load from a farm belonging +to the concern in Wiltshire. He was frequently up and down the road +on such errands, he said, and to look after the sick and rest +horses, of which animals he had much to relate that occupied a long +time in the telling. He aspired to the dignity of the regular box, +and expected an appointment on the first vacancy. He was musical +besides, and had a little key-bugle in his pocket, on which, +whenever the conversation flagged, he played the first part of a +great many tunes, and regularly broke down in the second. + +'Ah!' said Bill, with a sigh, as he drew the back of his hand across +his lips, and put this instrument in his pocket, after screwing off +the mouth-piece to drain it; 'Lummy Ned of the Light Salisbury, HE +was the one for musical talents. He WAS a guard. What you may call +a Guard'an Angel, was Ned.' + +'Is he dead?' asked Martin. + +'Dead!' replied the other, with a contemptuous emphasis. 'Not he. +You won't catch Ned a-dying easy. No, no. He knows better than +that.' + +'You spoke of him in the past tense,' observed Martin, 'so I +supposed he was no more. + +'He's no more in England,' said Bill, 'if that's what you mean. He +went to the U-nited States.' + +'Did he?' asked Martin, with sudden interest. 'When?' + +'Five year ago, or then about,' said Bill. 'He had set up in the +public line here, and couldn't meet his engagements, so he cut off +to Liverpool one day, without saying anything about it, and went and +shipped himself for the U-nited States.' + +'Well?' said Martin. + +'Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of +course they wos very glad to see him in the U-nited States.' + +'What do you mean?' asked Martin, with some scorn. + +'What do I mean?' said Bill. 'Why, THAT. All men are alike in the +U-nited States, an't they? It makes no odds whether a man has a +thousand pound, or nothing, there. Particular in New York, I'm +told, where Ned landed.' + +'New York, was it?' asked Martin, thoughtfully. + +'Yes,' said Bill. 'New York. I know that, because he sent word +home that it brought Old York to his mind, quite vivid, in +consequence of being so exactly unlike it in every respect. I don't +understand what particular business Ned turned his mind to, when he +got there; but he wrote home that him and his friends was always a- +singing, Ale Columbia, and blowing up the President, so I suppose it +was something in the public line; or free-and-easy way again. +Anyhow, he made his fortune.' + +'No!' cried Martin. + +'Yes, he did,' said Bill. 'I know that, because he lost it all the +day after, in six-and-twenty banks as broke. He settled a lot of +the notes on his father, when it was ascertained that they was +really stopped and sent 'em over with a dutiful letter. I know +that, because they was shown down our yard for the old gentleman's +benefit, that he might treat himself with tobacco in the workus.' + +'He was a foolish fellow not to take care of his money when he had +it,' said Martin, indignantly. + +'There you're right,' said Bill, 'especially as it was all in paper, +and he might have took care of it so very easy, by folding it up in a +small parcel.' + +Martin said nothing in reply, but soon afterwards fell asleep, and +remained so for an hour or more. When he awoke, finding it had +ceased to rain, he took his seat beside the driver, and asked him +several questions; as how long had the fortunate guard of the Light +Salisbury been in crossing the Atlantic; at what time of the year +had he sailed; what was the name of the ship in which he made the +voyage; how much had he paid for passage-money; did he suffer +greatly from sea-sickness? and so forth. But on these points of +detail his friend was possessed of little or no information; either +answering obviously at random or acknowledging that he had never +heard, or had forgotten; nor, although he returned to the charge +very often, could he obtain any useful intelligence on these +essential particulars. + +They jogged on all day, and stopped so often--now to refresh, now to +change their team of horses, now to exchange or bring away a set of +harness, now on one point of business, and now upon another, +connected with the coaching on that line of road--that it was +midnight when they reached Hounslow. A little short of the stables +for which the van was bound, Martin got down, paid his crown, and +forced his silk handkerchief upon his honest friend, notwithstanding +the many protestations that he didn't wish to deprive him of it, +with which he tried to give the lie to his longing looks. That +done, they parted company; and when the van had driven into its own +yard and the gates were closed, Martin stood in the dark street, +with a pretty strong sense of being shut out, alone, upon the dreary +world, without the key of it. + +But in this moment of despondency, and often afterwards, the +recollection of Mr Pecksniff operated as a cordial to him; awakening +in his breast an indignation that was very wholesome in nerving him +to obstinate endurance. Under the influence of this fiery dram he +started off for London without more ado. Arriving there in the +middle of the night, and not knowing where to find a tavern open, he +was fain to stroll about the streets and market-places until +morning. + +He found himself, about an hour before dawn, in the humbler regions +of the Adelphi; and addressing himself to a man in a fur-cap, who was +taking down the shutters of an obscure public-house, informed him +that he was a stranger, and inquired if he could have a bed there. +It happened by good luck that he could. Though none of the +gaudiest, it was tolerably clean, and Martin felt very glad and +grateful when he crept into it, for warmth, rest, and forgetfulness. + +It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he +had washed and dressed, and broken his fast, it was growing dusk +again. This was all the better, for it was now a matter of absolute +necessity that he should part with his watch to some obliging pawn- +broker. He would have waited until after dark for this purpose, +though it had been the longest day in the year, and he had begun it +without a breakfast. + +He passed more Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have +juggled with, in the course of their united performances, before he +could determine in favour of any particular shop where those symbols +were displayed. In the end he came back to one of the first he had +seen, and entering by a side-door in a court, where the three balls, +with the legend 'Money Lent,' were repeated in a ghastly +transparency, passed into one of a series of little closets, or +private boxes, erected for the accommodation of the more bashful and +uninitiated customers. He bolted himself in; pulled out his watch; +and laid it on the counter. + +'Upon my life and soul!' said a low voice in the next box to the +shopman who was in treaty with him, 'you must make it more; you must +make it a trifle more, you must indeed! You must dispense with one +half-quarter of an ounce in weighing out your pound of flesh, my +best of friends, and make it two-and-six.' + +Martin drew back involuntarily, for he knew the voice at once. + +'You're always full of your chaff,' said the shopman, rolling up the +article (which looked like a shirt) quite as a matter of course, and +nibbing his pen upon the counter. + +'I shall never be full of my wheat,' said Mr Tigg, 'as long as I +come here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it two-and-six, my dear friend, +positively for this occasion only. Half-a-crown is a delightful +coin. Two-and-six. Going at two-and-six! For the last time at +two-and-six!' + +'It'll never be the last time till it's quite worn out,' rejoined +the shopman. 'It's grown yellow in the service as it is.' + +'Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my +friend,' said Mr Tigg; 'in the patriotic service of an ungrateful +country. You are making it two-and-six, I think?' + +'I'm making it,' returned the shopman, 'what it always has been--two +shillings. Same name as usual, I suppose?' + +'Still the same name,' said Mr Tigg; 'my claim to the dormant +peerage not being yet established by the House of Lords.' + +'The old address?' + +'Not at all,' said Mr Tigg; 'I have removed my town establishment +from thirty-eight, Mayfair, to number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two, +Park Lane.' + +'Come, I'm not going to put down that, you know,' said the shopman +with a grin. + +'You may put down what you please, my friend,' quoth Mr Tigg. 'The +fact is still the same. The apartments for the under-butler and the +fifth footman being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at +thirty-eight, Mayfair, I have been compelled, in my regard for the +feelings which do them so much honour, to take on lease for seven, +fourteen, or twenty-one years, renewable at the option of the +tenant, the elegant and commodious family mansion, number fifteen- +hundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it two-and-six, and come and +see me!' + +The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that +Mr Tigg himself could not repress some little show of exultation. +It vented itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of +the next box received his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced +round the partition, and immediately, by the gaslight, recognized +Martin. + +'I wish I may die,' said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far +that his head was as much in Martin's little cell as Martin's own +head was, 'but this is one of the most tremendous meetings in +Ancient or Modern History! How are you? What is the news from the +agricultural districts? How are our friends the P.'s? Ha, ha! +David, pay particular attention to this gentleman immediately, as a +friend of mine, I beg.' + +'Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,' said Martin, +handing the watch to the shopman. 'I want money sorely.' + +'He wants money, sorely!' cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. +'David, will you have the goodness to do your very utmost for my +friend, who wants money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if +he were myself. A gold hunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped +and jewelled in four holes, escape movement, horizontal lever, and +warranted to perform correctly, upon my personal reputation, who +have observed it narrowly for many years, under the most trying +circumstances'--here he winked at Martin, that he might understand +this recommendation would have an immense effect upon the shopman; +'what do you say, David, to my friend? Be very particular to +deserve my custom and recommendation, David.' + +'I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like' said the shopman +to Martin, confidentially. 'It is very old-fashioned. I couldn't +say more.' + +'And devilish handsome, too,' cried Mr Tigg. 'Two-twelve-six for +the watch, and seven-and-six for personal regard. I am gratified; +it may be weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. +The name of my friend is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twenty- +six-and-a-half B: lodger.' Here he winked at Martin again, to +apprise him that all the forms and ceremonies prescribed by law were +now complied with, and nothing remained but the receipt for the +money. + +In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no +resource but to take what was offered him, signified his +acquiescence by a nod of his head, and presently came out with the +cash in his pocket. He was joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who +warmly congratulated him, as he took his arm and accompanied him +into the street, on the successful issue of the negotiation. + +'As for my part in the same,' said Mr Tigg, 'don't mention it. +Don't compliment me, for I can't bear it!' + +'I have no such intention, I assure you,' retorted Martin, releasing +his arm and stopping. + +'You oblige me very much' said Mr Tigg. 'Thank you.' + +'Now, sir,' observed Martin, biting his lip, 'this is a large town, +and we can easily find different ways in it. If you will show me +which is your way, I will take another.' + +Mr Tigg was about to speak, but Martin interposed: + +'I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I +have nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr Slyme. And it is quite +as unnecessary for me to tell you that I don't desire the honour of +your company.' + +'Stop' cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. 'Hold! There is a most +remarkably long-headed, flowing-bearded, and patriarchal proverb, +which observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is +generous. Be just now, and you can be generous presently. Do not +confuse me with the man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man Slyme as +a friend of mine, for he is no such thing. I have been compelled, +sir, to abandon the party whom you call Slyme. I have no knowledge +of the party whom you call Slyme. I am, sir,' said Mr Tigg, +striking himself upon the breast, 'a premium tulip, of a very +different growth and cultivation from the cabbage Slyme, sir.' + +'It matters very little to me,' said Martin coolly, 'whether you +have set up as a vagabond on your own account, or are still trading +on behalf of Mr Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. +In the devil's name, man' said Martin, scarcely able, despite his +vexation, to repress a smile as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back +against the shutters of a shop window, adjusting his hair with great +composure, 'will you go one way or other?' + +'You will allow me to remind you, sir,' said Mr Tigg, with sudden +dignity, 'that you--not I--that you--I say emphatically, YOU--have +reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter +of business, when I was disposed to place them on a friendly +footing. It being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say that +I expect a trifle (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission +upon the pecuniary advance, in which I have rendered you my humble +services. After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,' +concluded Mr Tigg, 'you will not insult me, if you please, by +offering more than half-a-crown.' + +Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it +towards him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to assure himself of +its goodness, spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and +buttoned it up. Finally, he raised his hat an inch or two from his +head with a military air, and, after pausing a moment with deep +gravity, as to decide in which direction he should go, and to what +Earl or Marquis among his friends he should give the preference in +his next call, stuck his hands in his skirt-pockets and swaggered +round the corner. Martin took the directly opposite course; and so, +to his great content, they parted company. + +It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and +again, the mischance of having encountered this man in the pawnbroker's +shop. The only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr +Tigg's voluntary avowal of a separation between himself and Slyme, +that would at least prevent his circumstances (so Martin argued) +from being known to any member of his family, the bare possibility +of which filled him with shame and wounded pride. Abstractedly +there was greater reason, perhaps, for supposing any declaration of +Mr Tigg's to be false, than for attaching the least credence to it; +but remembering the terms on which the intimacy between that +gentleman and his bosom friend had subsisted, and the strong +probability of Mr Tigg's having established an independent business +of his own on Mr Slyme's connection, it had a reasonable appearance +of probability; at all events, Martin hoped so; and that went a long +way. + +His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his +present necessities, was, to retain his bed at the public-house +until further notice, and to write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for +he knew Pecksniff would see it) requesting to have his clothes +forwarded to London by coach, with a direction to be left at the +office until called for. These measures taken, he passed the +interval before the box arrived--three days--in making inquiries +relative to American vessels, at the offices of various shipping- +agents in the city; and in lingering about the docks and wharves, +with the faint hope of stumbling upon some engagement for the +voyage, as clerk or supercargo, or custodian of something or +somebody, which would enable him to procure a free passage. But +finding, soon, that no such means of employment were likely to +present themselves, and dreading the consequences of delay, he drew +up a short advertisement, stating what he wanted, and inserted it in +the leading newspapers. Pending the receipt of the twenty or thirty +answers which he vaguely expected, he reduced his wardrobe to the +narrowest limits consistent with decent respectability, and carried +the overplus at different times to the pawnbroker's shop, for +conversion into money. + +And it was strange, very strange, even to himself, to find how, by +quick though almost imperceptible degrees, he lost his delicacy and +self-respect, and gradually came to do that as a matter of course, +without the least compunction, which but a few short days before had +galled him to the quick. The first time he visited the +pawnbroker's, he felt on his way there as if every person whom he +passed suspected whither he was going; and on his way back again, as +if the whole human tide he stemmed, knew well where he had come +from. When did he care to think of their discernment now! In his +first wanderings up and down the weary streets, he counterfeited the +walk of one who had an object in his view; but soon there came upon +him the sauntering, slipshod gait of listless idleness, and the +lounging at street-corners, and plucking and biting of stray bits of +straw, and strolling up and down the same place, and looking into +the same shop-windows, with a miserable indifference, fifty times a +day. At first, he came out from his lodging with an uneasy sense of +being observed--even by those chance passers-by, on whom he had +never looked before, and hundreds to one would never see again-- +issuing in the morning from a public-house; but now, in his comings- +out and goings-in he did not mind to lounge about the door, or to +stand sunning himself in careless thought beside the wooden stem, +studded from head to heel with pegs, on which the beer-pots dangled +like so many boughs upon a pewter-tree. And yet it took but five +weeks to reach the lowest round of this tall ladder! + +Oh, moralists, who treat of happiness and self-respect, innate in +every sphere of life, and shedding light on every grain of dust in +God's highway, so smooth below your carriage-wheels, so rough +beneath the tread of naked feet, bethink yourselves in looking on +the swift descent of men who HAVE lived in their own esteem, that +there are scores of thousands breathing now, and breathing thick +with painful toil, who in that high respect have never lived at all, +nor had a chance of life! Go ye, who rest so placidly upon the +sacred Bard who had been young, and when he strung his harp was old, +and had never seen the righteous forsaken, or his seed begging their +bread; go, Teachers of content and honest pride, into the mine, the +mill, the forge, the squalid depths of deepest ignorance, and +uttermost abyss of man's neglect, and say can any hopeful plant +spring up in air so foul that it extinguishes the soul's bright +torch as fast as it is kindled! And, oh! ye Pharisees of the +nineteen hundredth year of Christian Knowledge, who soundingly +appeal to human nature, see that it be human first. Take heed it +has not been transformed, during your slumber and the sleep of +generations, into the nature of the Beasts! + +Five weeks! Of all the twenty or thirty answers, not one had come. +His money--even the additional stock he had raised from the disposal +of his spare clothes (and that was not much, for clothes, though +dear to buy, are cheap to pawn)--was fast diminishing. Yet what +could he do? At times an agony came over him in which he darted +forth again, though he was but newly home, and, returning to some +place where he had been already twenty times, made some new attempt +to gain his end, but always unsuccessfully. He was years and years +too old for a cabin-boy, and years upon years too inexperienced to +be accepted as a common seaman. His dress and manner, too, +militated fatally against any such proposal as the latter; and yet +he was reduced to making it; for even if he could have contemplated +the being set down in America totally without money, he had not +enough left now for a steerage passage and the poorest provisions +upon the voyage. + +It is an illustration of a very common tendency in the mind of man, +that all this time he never once doubted, one may almost say the +certainty of doing great things in the New World, if he could only +get there. In proportion as he became more and more dejected by his +present circumstances, and the means of gaining America receded from +his grasp, the more he fretted himself with the conviction that that +was the only place in which he could hope to achieve any high end, +and worried his brain with the thought that men going there in the +meanwhile might anticipate him in the attainment of those objects +which were dearest to his heart. He often thought of John Westlock, +and besides looking out for him on all occasions, actually walked +about London for three days together for the express purpose of +meeting with him. But although he failed in this; and although he +would not have scrupled to borrow money of him; and although he +believed that John would have lent it; yet still he could not bring +his mind to write to Pinch and inquire where he was to be found. +For although, as we have seen, he was fond of Tom after his own +fashion, he could not endure the thought (feeling so superior to +Tom) of making him the stepping-stone to his fortune, or being +anything to him but a patron; and his pride so revolted from the +idea that it restrained him even now. + +It might have yielded, however; and no doubt must have yielded soon, +but for a very strange and unlooked-for occurrence. + +The five weeks had quite run out, and he was in a truly desperate +plight, when one evening, having just returned to his lodging, and +being in the act of lighting his candle at the gas jet in the bar +before stalking moodily upstairs to his own room, his landlord +called him by his name. Now as he had never told it to the man, but +had scrupulously kept it to himself, he was not a little startled by +this; and so plainly showed his agitation that the landlord, to +reassure him, said 'it was only a letter.' + +'A letter!' cried Martin. + +'For Mr Martin Chuzzlewit,' said the landlord, reading the +superscription of one he held in his hand. 'Noon. Chief office. +Paid.' + +Martin took it from him, thanked him, and walked upstairs. It was +not sealed, but pasted close; the handwriting was quite unknown to +him. He opened it and found enclosed, without any name, address, or +other inscription or explanation of any kind whatever, a Bank of +England note for Twenty Pounds. + +To say that he was perfectly stunned with astonishment and delight; +that he looked again and again at the note and the wrapper; that he +hurried below stairs to make quite certain that the note was a good +note; and then hurried up again to satisfy himself for the fiftieth +time that he had not overlooked some scrap of writing on the +wrapper; that he exhausted and bewildered himself with conjectures; +and could make nothing of it but that there the note was, and he was +suddenly enriched; would be only to relate so many matters of course +to no purpose. The final upshot of the business at that time was, +that he resolved to treat himself to a comfortable but frugal meal +in his own chamber; and having ordered a fire to be kindled, went +out to purchase it forthwith. + +He bought some cold beef, and ham, and French bread, and butter, and +came back with his pockets pretty heavily laden. It was somewhat of +a damping circumstance to find the room full of smoke, which was +attributable to two causes; firstly, to the flue being naturally +vicious and a smoker; and secondly, to their having forgotten, in +lighting the fire, an odd sack or two and some trifles, which had +been put up the chimney to keep the rain out. They had already +remedied this oversight, however; and propped up the window-sash +with a bundle of firewood to keep it open; so that except in being +rather inflammatory to the eyes and choking to the lungs, the +apartment was quite comfortable. + +Martin was in no vein to quarrel with it, if it had been in less +tolerable order, especially when a gleaming pint of porter was set +upon the table, and the servant-girl withdrew, bearing with her +particular instructions relative to the production of something hot +when he should ring the bell. The cold meat being wrapped in a +playbill, Martin laid the cloth by spreading that document on the +little round table with the print downwards, and arranging the +collation upon it. The foot of the bed, which was very close to the +fire, answered for a sideboard; and when he had completed these +preparations, he squeezed an old arm-chair into the warmest corner, +and sat down to enjoy himself. + +He had begun to eat with great appetite, glancing round the room +meanwhile with a triumphant anticipation of quitting it for ever on +the morrow, when his attention was arrested by a stealthy footstep +on the stairs, and presently by a knock at his chamber door, which, +although it was a gentle knock enough, communicated such a start to +the bundle of firewood, that it instantly leaped out of window, and +plunged into the street. + +'More coals, I suppose,' said Martin. 'Come in!' + +'It an't a liberty, sir, though it seems so,' rejoined a man's +voice. 'Your servant, sir. Hope you're pretty well, sir.' + +Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectly +remembering the features and expression, but quite forgetting to +whom they belonged. + +'Tapley, sir,' said his visitor. 'Him as formerly lived at the +Dragon, sir, and was forced to leave in consequence of a want of +jollity, sir.' + +'To be sure!' cried Martin. 'Why, how did you come here?' + +'Right through the passage, and up the stairs, sir,' said Mark. + +'How did you find me out, I mean?' asked Martin. + +'Why, sir,' said Mark, 'I've passed you once or twice in the street, +if I'm not mistaken; and when I was a-looking in at the beef-and-ham +shop just now, along with a hungry sweep, as was very much +calculated to make a man jolly, sir--I see you a-buying that.' + +Martin reddened as he pointed to the table, and said, somewhat +hastily: + +'Well! What then?' + +'Why, then, sir,' said Mark, 'I made bold to foller; and as I told +'em downstairs that you expected me, I was let up.' + +'Are you charged with any message, that you told them you were +expected?' inquired Martin. + +'No, sir, I an't,' said Mark. 'That was what you may call a pious +fraud, sir, that was.' + +Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the +fellow's merry face, and in his manner--which with all its +cheerfulness was far from being obtrusive or familiar--that quite +disarmed him. He had lived a solitary life too, for many weeks, and +the voice was pleasant in his ear. + +'Tapley,' he said, 'I'll deal openly with you. From all I can judge +and from all I have heard of you through Pinch, you are not a likely +kind of fellow to have been brought here by impertinent curiosity or +any other offensive motive. Sit down. I'm glad to see you.' + +'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I'd as lieve stand.' + +"If you don't sit down,' retorted Martin, 'I'll not talk to you.' + +'Very good, sir,' observed Mark. 'Your will's a law, sir. Down it +is;' and he sat down accordingly upon the bedstead. + +'Help yourself,' said Martin, handing him the only knife. + +'Thankee, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'After you've done.' + +'If you don't take it now, you'll not have any,' said Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'That being your desire--now it +is.' With which reply he gravely helped himself and went on eating. +Martin having done the like for a short time in silence, said +abruptly: + +'What are you doing in London?' + +'Nothing at all, sir,' rejoined Mark. + +'How's that?' asked Martin. + +'I want a place,' said Mark. + +'I'm sorry for you,' said Martin. + +'--To attend upon a single gentleman,' resumed Mark. 'If from the +country the more desirable. Makeshifts would be preferred. Wages +no object.' + +He said this so pointedly, that Martin stopped in his eating, and +said: + +'If you mean me--' + +'Yes, I do, sir,' interposed Mark. + +'Then you may judge from my style of living here, of my means of +keeping a man-servant. Besides, I am going to America immediately.' + +'Well, sir,' returned Mark, quite unmoved by this intelligence 'from +all that ever I heard about it, I should say America is a very +likely sort of place for me to be jolly in!' + +Again Martin looked at him angrily; and again his anger melted away +in spite of himself. + +'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'what is the use of us a-going +round and round, and hiding behind the corner, and dodging up and +down, when we can come straight to the point in six words? I've had +my eye upon you any time this fortnight. I see well enough there's +a screw loose in your affairs. I know'd well enough the first time +I see you down at the Dragon that it must be so, sooner or later. +Now, sir here am I, without a sitiwation; without any want of wages +for a year to come; for I saved up (I didn't mean to do it, but I +couldn't help it) at the Dragon--here am I with a liking for what's +wentersome, and a liking for you, and a wish to come out strong +under circumstances as would keep other men down; and will you take +me, or will you leave me?' + +'How can I take you?' cried Martin. + +'When I say take,' rejoined Mark, 'I mean will you let me go? and +when I say will you let me go, I mean will you let me go along with +you? for go I will, somehow or another. Now that you've said +America, I see clear at once, that that's the place for me to be +jolly in. Therefore, if I don't pay my own passage in the ship you +go in, sir, I'll pay my own passage in another. And mark my words, +if I go alone it shall be, to carry out the principle, in the +rottenest, craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel that a place can be +got in for love or money. So if I'm lost upon the way, sir, +there'll be a drowned man at your door--and always a-knocking double +knocks at it, too, or never trust me!' + +'This is mere folly,' said Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' returned Mark. 'I'm glad to hear it, because if +you don't mean to let me go, you'll be more comfortable, perhaps, on +account of thinking so. Therefore I contradict no gentleman. But +all I say is, that if I don't emigrate to America in that case, in +the beastliest old cockle-shell as goes out of port, I'm--' + +'You don't mean what you say, I'm sure,' said Martin. + +'Yes I do,' cried Mark. + +'I tell you I know better,' rejoined Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' said Mark, with the same air of perfect +satisfaction. 'Let it stand that way at present, sir, and wait and +see how it turns out. Why, love my heart alive! the only doubt I +have is, whether there's any credit in going with a gentleman like +you, that's as certain to make his way there as a gimlet is to go +through soft deal.' + +This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a +great advantage. He could not help thinking, either, what a brisk +fellow this Mark was, and how great a change he had wrought in the +atmosphere of the dismal little room already. + +'Why, certainly, Mark,' he said, 'I have hopes of doing well there, +or I shouldn't go. I may have the qualifications for doing well, +perhaps.' + +'Of course you have, sir,' returned Mark Tapley. 'Everybody knows +that.' + +'You see,' said Martin, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking +at the fire, 'ornamental architecture applied to domestic purposes, +can hardly fail to be in great request in that country; for men are +constantly changing their residences there, and moving further off; +and it's clear they must have houses to live in.' + +'I should say, sir,' observed Mark, 'that that's a state of things +as opens one of the jolliest look-outs for domestic architecture +that ever I heerd tell on.' + +Martin glanced at him hastily, not feeling quite free from a +suspicion that this remark implied a doubt of the successful issue +of his plans. But Mr Tapley was eating the boiled beef and bread +with such entire good faith and singleness of purpose expressed in +his visage that he could not but be satisfied. Another doubt arose +in his mind however, as this one disappeared. He produced the blank +cover in which the note had been enclosed, and fixing his eyes on +Mark as he put it in his hands, said: + +'Now tell me the truth. Do you know anything about that?' + +Mark turned it over and over; held it near his eyes; held it away +from him at arm's length; held it with the superscription upwards +and with the superscription downwards; and shook his head with such +a genuine expression of astonishment at being asked the question, +that Martin said, as he took it from him again: + +'No, I see you don't. How should you! Though, indeed, your knowing +about it would not be more extraordinary than its being here. Come, +Tapley,' he added, after a moment's thought, 'I'll trust you with my +history, such as it is, and then you'll see more clearly what sort +of fortunes you would link yourself to, if you followed me.' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mark; 'but afore you enter upon it +will you take me if I choose to go? Will you turn off me--Mark +Tapley--formerly of the Blue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr +Pinch, and as wants a gentleman of your strength of mind to look up +to; or will you, in climbing the ladder as you're certain to get to +the top of, take me along with you at a respectful dutance? Now, +sir,' said Mark, 'it's of very little importance to you, I know. +there's the difficulty; but it's of very great importance to me, and +will you be so good as to consider of it?' + +If this were meant as a second appeal to Martin's weak side, founded +on his observation of the effect of the first, Mr Tapley was a +skillful and shrewd observer. Whether an intentional or an +accidental shot, it hit the mark fully for Martin, relenting more +and more, said with a condescension which was inexpressibly +delicious to him, after his recent humiliation: + +'We'll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition +you find yourself to-morrow.' + +'Then, sir,' said Mark, rubbing his hands, 'the job's done. Go on, +sir, if you please. I'm all attention.' + +Throwing himself back in his arm-chair, and looking at the fire, with +now and then a glance at Mark, who at such times nodded his head +sagely, to express his profound interest and attention. Martin ran +over the chief points in his history, to the same effect as he had +related them, weeks before, to Mr Pinch. But he adapted them, +according to the best of his judgment, to Mr Tapley's comprehension; +and with that view made as light of his love affair as he could, and +referred to it in very few words. But here he reckoned without his +host; for Mark's interest was keenest in this part of the business, +and prompted him to ask sundry questions in relation to it; for +which he apologised as one in some measure privileged to do so, from +having seen (as Martin explained to him) the young lady at the Blue +Dragon. + +'And a young lady as any gentleman ought to feel more proud of being +in love with,' said Mark, energetically, 'don't draw breath.' + +'Aye! You saw her when she was not happy,' said Martin, gazing at +the fire again. 'If you had seen her in the old times, indeed--' + +'Why, she certainly was a little down-hearted, sir, and something +paler in her colour than I could have wished,' said Mark, 'but none +the worse in her looks for that. I think she seemed better, sir, +after she come to London.' + +Martin withdrew his eyes from the fire; stared at Mark as if he +thought he had suddenly gone mad; and asked him what he meant. + +'No offence intended, sir,' urged Mark. 'I don't mean to say she +was any the happier without you; but I thought she was a-looking +better, sir.' + +'Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?' asked Martin, +rising hurriedly, and pushing back his chair. + +'Of course I do,' said Mark, rising too, in great amazement from the +bedstead. + +'Do you mean to tell me she is in London now?' + +'Most likely, sir. I mean to say she was a week ago.' + +'And you know where?' + +'Yes!' cried Mark. 'What! Don't you?' + +'My good fellow!' exclaimed Martin, clutching him by both arms, 'I +have never seen her since I left my grandfather's house.' + +'Why, then!' cried Mark, giving the little table such a blow with +his clenched fist that the slices of beef and ham danced upon it, +while all his features seemed, with delight, to be going up into his +forehead, and never coming back again any more, 'if I an't your +nat'ral born servant, hired by Fate, there an't such a thing in +natur' as a Blue Dragon. What! when I was a-rambling up and down a +old churchyard in the City, getting myself into a jolly state, +didn't I see your grandfather a-toddling to and fro for pretty nigh +a mortal hour! Didn't I watch him into Todgers's commercial +boarding-house, and watch him out, and watch him home to his hotel, +and go and tell him as his was the service for my money, and I had +said so, afore I left the Dragon! Wasn't the young lady a-sitting +with him then, and didn't she fall a-laughing in a manner as was +beautiful to see! Didn't your grandfather say, "Come back again next +week," and didn't I go next week; and didn't he say that he +couldn't make up his mind to trust nobody no more; and therefore +wouldn't engage me, but at the same time stood something to drink as +was handsome! Why,' cried Mr Tapley, with a comical mixture of +delight and chagrin, 'where's the credit of a man's being jolly +under such circumstances! Who could help it, when things come about +like this!' + +For some moments Martin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted +the evidence of his senses, and could not believe that Mark stood +there, in the body, before him. At length he asked him whether, if +the young lady were still in London, he thought he could contrive to +deliver a letter to her secretly. + +'Do I think I can?' cried Mark. 'THINK I can? Here, sit down, sir. +Write it out, sir!' + +With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting +everything upon it into the fireplace; snatched some writing +materials from the mantel-shelf; set Martin's chair before them; +forced him down into it; dipped a pen into the ink; and put it in +his hand. + +'Cut away, sir!' cried Mark. 'Make it strong, sir. Let it be wery +pinted, sir. Do I think so? I should think so. Go to work, sir!' + +Martin required no further adjuration, but went to work at a great +rate; while Mr Tapley, installing himself without any more +formalities into the functions of his valet and general attendant, +divested himself of his coat, and went on to clear the fireplace +and arrange the room; talking to himself in a low voice the whole +time. + +'Jolly sort of lodgings,' said Mark, rubbing his nose with the knob +at the end of the fire-shovel, and looking round the poor chamber; +'that's a comfort. The rain's come through the roof too. That an't +bad. A lively old bedstead, I'll be bound; popilated by lots of +wampires, no doubt. Come! my spirits is a-getting up again. An +uncommon ragged nightcap this. A very good sign. We shall do yet! +Here, Jane, my dear,' calling down the stairs, 'bring up that there +hot tumbler for my master as was a-mixing when I come in. That's +right, sir,' to Martin. 'Go at it as if you meant it, sir. Be very +tender, sir, if you please. You can't make it too strong, sir!' + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN + +IN WHICH MARTIN BIDS ADIEU TO THE LADY OF HIS LOVE; AND HONOURS AN +OBSCURE INDIVIDUAL WHOSE FORTUNE HE INTENDS TO MAKE BY COMMENDING +HER TO HIS PROTECTION + + +The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to +Mark Tapley, for immediate conveyance if possible. And he succeeded +so well in his embassy as to be enabled to return that same night, +just as the house was closing, with the welcome intelligence that he +had sent it upstairs to the young lady, enclosed in a small +manuscript of his own, purporting to contain his further petition to +be engaged in Mr Chuzzlewit's service; and that she had herself come +down and told him, in great haste and agitation, that she would meet +the gentleman at eight o'clock to-morrow morning in St. James's +Park. It was then agreed between the new master and the new man, +that Mark should be in waiting near the hotel in good time, to +escort the young lady to the place of appointment; and when they had +parted for the night with this understanding, Martin took up his pen +again; and before he went to bed wrote another letter, whereof more +will be seen presently. + +He was up before daybreak, and came upon the Park with the morning, +which was clad in the least engaging of the three hundred and sixty- +five dresses in the wardrobe of the year. It was raw, damp, dark, +and dismal; the clouds were as muddy as the ground; and the short +perspective of every street and avenue was closed up by the mist as +by a filthy curtain. + +'Fine weather indeed,' Martin bitterly soliloquised, 'to be +wandering up and down here in, like a thief! Fine weather indeed, +for a meeting of lovers in the open air, and in a public walk! I +need be departing, with all speed, for another country; for I have +come to a pretty pass in this!' + +He might perhaps have gone on to reflect that of all mornings in the +year, it was not the best calculated for a young lady's coming forth +on such an errand, either. But he was stopped on the road to this +reflection, if his thoughts tended that way, by her appearance at a +short distance, on which he hurried forward to meet her. Her +squire, Mr Tapley, at the same time fell discreetly back, and +surveyed the fog above him with an appearance of attentive interest. + +'My dear Martin,' said Mary. + +'My dear Mary,' said Martin; and lovers are such a singular kind of +people that this is all they did say just then, though Martin took +her arm, and her hand too, and they paced up and down a short walk +that was least exposed to observation, half-a-dozen times. + +'If you have changed at all, my love, since we parted,' said Martin +at length, as he looked upon her with a proud delight, 'it is only +to be more beautiful than ever!' + +Had she been of the common metal of love-worn young ladies, she +would have denied this in her most interesting manner; and would +have told him that she knew she had become a perfect fright; or that +she had wasted away with weeping and anxiety; or that she was +dwindling gently into an early grave; or that her mental sufferings +were unspeakable; or would, either by tears or words, or a mixture +of both, have furnished him with some other information to that +effect, and made him as miserable as possible. But she had been +reared up in a sterner school than the minds of most young girls are +formed in; she had had her nature strengthened by the hands of hard +endurance and necessity; had come out from her young trials +constant, self-denying, earnest, and devoted; had acquired in her +maidenhood--whether happily in the end, for herself or him, is +foreign to our present purpose to inquire--something of that nobler +quality of gentle hearts which is developed often by the sorrows and +struggles of matronly years, but often by their lessons only. +Unspoiled, unpampered in her joys or griefs; with frank and full, +and deep affection for the object of her early love; she saw in him +one who for her sake was an outcast from his home and fortune, and +she had no more idea of bestowing that love upon him in other than +cheerful and sustaining words, full of high hope and grateful +trustfulness, than she had of being unworthy of it, in her lightest +thought or deed, for any base temptation that the world could offer. + +'What change is there in YOU, Martin,' she replied; 'for that +concerns me nearest? You look more anxious and more thoughtful than +you used.' + +'Why, as to that, my love,' said Martin as he drew her waist within +his arm, first looking round to see that there were no observers +near, and beholding Mr Tapley more intent than ever on the fog; 'it +would be strange if I did not; for my life--especially of late--has +been a hard one.' + +'I know it must have been,' she answered. 'When have I forgotten to +think of it and you?' + +'Not often, I hope,' said Martin. 'Not often, I am sure. Not +often, I have some right to expect, Mary; for I have undergone a +great deal of vexation and privation, and I naturally look for that +return, you know.' + +'A very, very poor return,' she answered with a fainter smile. 'But +you have it, and will have it always. You have paid a dear price +for a poor heart, Martin; but it is at least your own, and a true +one.' + +'Of course I feel quite certain of that,' said Martin, 'or I +shouldn't have put myself in my present position. And don't say a +poor heart, Mary, for I say a rich one. Now, I am about to break a +design to you, dearest, which will startle you at first, but which is +undertaken for your sake. I am going,' he added slowly, looking far +into the deep wonder of her bright dark eyes, 'abroad.' + +'Abroad, Martin!' + +'Only to America. See now. How you droop directly!' + +'If I do, or, I hope I may say, if I did,' she answered, raising her +head after a short silence, and looking once more into his face, 'it +was for grief to think of what you are resolved to undergo for me. +I would not venture to dissuade you, Martin; but it is a long, long +distance; there is a wide ocean to be crossed; illness and want are +sad calamities in any place, but in a foreign country dreadful to +endure. Have you thought of all this?' + +'Thought of it!' cried Martin, abating, in his fondness--and he WAS +very fond of her--hardly an iota of his usual impetuosity. 'What am +I to do? It's very well to say, "Have I thought of it?" my love; but +you should ask me in the same breath, have I thought of starving at +home; have I thought of doing porter's work for a living; have I +thought of holding horses in the streets to earn my roll of bread +from day to day? Come, come,' he added, in a gentler tone, 'do not +hang down your head, my dear, for I need the encouragement that your +sweet face alone can give me. Why, that's well! Now you are brave +again.' + +'I am endeavouring to be,' she answered, smiling through her tears. + +'Endeavouring to be anything that's good, and being it, is, with +you, all one. Don't I know that of old?' cried Martin, gayly. +'So! That's famous! Now I can tell you all my plans as cheerfully +as if you were my little wife already, Mary.' + +She hung more closely on his arm, and looking upwards in his face, +bade him speak on. + +'You see,' said Martin, playing with the little hand upon his wrist, +'that my attempts to advance myself at home have been baffled and +rendered abortive. I will not say by whom, Mary, for that would +give pain to us both. But so it is. Have you heard him speak of +late of any relative of mine or his, called Pecksniff? Only tell me +what I ask you, no more.' + +'I have heard, to my surprise, that he is a better man than was +supposed.' + +'I thought so,' interrupted Martin. + +'And that it is likely we may come to know him, if not to visit and +reside with him and--I think--his daughters. He HAS daughters, has +he, love?' + +'A pair of them,' Martin answered. 'A precious pair! Gems of the +first water!' + +'Ah! You are jesting!' + +'There is a sort of jesting which is very much in earnest, and +includes some pretty serious disgust,' said Martin. 'I jest in +reference to Mr Pecksniff (at whose house I have been living as his +assistant, and at whose hands I have received insult and injury), in +that vein. Whatever betides, or however closely you may be brought +into communication with this family, never forget that, Mary; and +never for an instant, whatever appearances may seem to contradict +me, lose sight of this assurance--Pecksniff is a scoundrel.' + +'Indeed!' + +'In thought, and in deed, and in everything else. A scoundrel from +the topmost hair of his head, to the nethermost atom of his heel. +Of his daughters I will only say that, to the best of my knowledge +and belief, they are dutiful young ladies, and take after their +father closely. This is a digression from the main point, and yet +it brings me to what I was going to say.' + +He stopped to look into her eyes again, and seeing, in a hasty +glance over his shoulder, that there was no one near, and that Mark +was still intent upon the fog, not only looked at her lips, too, but +kissed them into the bargain. + +'Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and +of returning home myself very soon; it may be to take you there for +a few years, but, at all events, to claim you for my wife; which, +after such trials, I should do with no fear of your still thinking +it a duty to cleave to him who will not suffer me to live (for this +is true), if he can help it, in my own land. How long I may be +absent is, of course, uncertain; but it shall not be very long. +Trust me for that.' + +'In the meantime, dear Martin--' + +'That's the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall +hear, constantly, of all my goings-on. Thus.' + +He paused to take from his pocket the letter he had written +overnight, and then resumed: + +'In this fellow's employment, and living in this fellow's house (by +fellow, I mean Mr Pecksniff, of course), there is a certain person +of the name of Pinch. Don't forget; a poor, strange, simple oddity, +Mary; but thoroughly honest and sincere; full of zeal; and with a +cordial regard for me. Which I mean to return one of these days, by +setting him up in life in some way or other.' + +'Your old kind nature, Martin!' + +'Oh!' said Martin, 'that's not worth speaking of, my love. He's +very grateful and desirous to serve me; and I am more than repaid. +Now one night I told this Pinch my history, and all about myself and +you; in which he was not a little interested, I can tell you, for he +knows you! Aye, you may look surprised--and the longer the better for +it becomes you--but you have heard him play the organ in the church +of that village before now; and he has seen you listening to his +music; and has caught his inspiration from you, too!' + +'Was HE the organist?' cried Mary. 'I thank him from my heart!' + +'Yes, he was,' said Martin, 'and is, and gets nothing for it either. +There never was such a simple fellow! Quite an infant! But a very +good sort of creature, I assure you.' + +'I am sure of that,' she said with great earnestness. 'He must be!' + +'Oh, yes, no doubt at all about it,' rejoined Martin, in his usual +careless way. 'He is. Well! It has occurred to me--but stay. If I +read you what I have written and intend sending to him by post to- +night it will explain itself. "My dear Tom Pinch." That's rather +familiar perhaps,' said Martin, suddenly remembering that he was +proud when they had last met, 'but I call him my dear Tom Pinch +because he likes it, and it pleases him.' + +'Very right, and very kind,' said Mary. + +'Exactly so!' cried Martin. 'It's as well to be kind whenever one +can; and, as I said before, he really is an excellent fellow. "My +dear Tom Pinch--I address this under cover to Mrs Lupin, at the +Blue Dragon, and have begged her in a short note to deliver it to +you without saying anything about it elsewhere; and to do the same +with all future letters she may receive from me. My reason for so +doing will be at once apparent to you"--I don't know that it will +be, by the bye,' said Martin, breaking off, 'for he's slow of +comprehension, poor fellow; but he'll find it out in time. My +reason simply is, that I don't want my letters to be read by other +people; and particularly by the scoundrel whom he thinks an angel.' + +'Mr Pecksniff again?' asked Mary. + +'The same,' said Martin '--will be at once apparent to you. I have +completed my arrangements for going to America; and you will be +surprised to hear that I am to be accompanied by Mark Tapley, upon +whom I have stumbled strangely in London, and who insists on putting +himself under my protection'--meaning, my love,' said Martin, +breaking off again, 'our friend in the rear, of course.' + +She was delighted to hear this, and bestowed a kind glance upon +Mark, which he brought his eyes down from the fog to encounter and +received with immense satisfaction. She said in his hearing, too, +that he was a good soul and a merry creature, and would be faithful, +she was certain; commendations which Mr Tapley inwardly resolved to +deserve, from such lips, if he died for it. + +'"Now, my dear Pinch,"' resumed Martin, proceeding with his letter; +'"I am going to repose great trust in you, knowing that I may do so +with perfect reliance on your honour and secrecy, and having nobody +else just now to trust in."' + +'I don't think I would say that, Martin.' + +'Wouldn't you? Well! I'll take that out. It's perfectly true, +though.' + +'But it might seem ungracious, perhaps.' + +'Oh, I don't mind Pinch,' said Martin. 'There's no occasion to +stand on any ceremony with HIM. However, I'll take it out, as you +wish it, and make the full stop at "secrecy." Very well! "I shall +not only"--this is the letter again, you know.' + +'I understand.' + +'"I shall not only enclose my letters to the young lady of whom I +have told you, to your charge, to be forwarded as she may request; +but I most earnestly commit her, the young lady herself, to your +care and regard, in the event of your meeting in my absence. I have +reason to think that the probabilities of your encountering each +other--perhaps very frequently--are now neither remote nor few; and +although in our position you can do very little to lessen the +uneasiness of hers, I trust to you implicitly to do that much, and +so deserve the confidence I have reposed in you." You see, my dear +Mary,' said Martin, 'it will be a great consolation to you to have +anybody, no matter how simple, with whom you can speak about ME; and +the very first time you talk to Pinch, you'll feel at once that +there is no more occasion for any embarrassment or hesitation in +talking to him, than if he were an old woman.' + +'However that may be,' she returned, smiling, 'he is your friend, +and that is enough.' + +'Oh, yes, he's my friend,' said Martin, 'certainly. In fact, I have +told him in so many words that we'll always take notice of him, and +protect him; and it's a good trait in his character that he's +grateful--very grateful indeed. You'll like him of all things, my +love, I know. You'll observe very much that's comical and old- +fashioned about Pinch, but you needn't mind laughing at him; for +he'll not care about it. He'll rather like it indeed!' + +'I don't think I shall put that to the test, Martin.' + +'You won't if you can help it, of course,' he said, 'but I think +you'll find him a little too much for your gravity. However, that's +neither here nor there, and it certainly is not the letter; which +ends thus: "Knowing that I need not impress the nature and extent of +that confidence upon you at any greater length, as it is already +sufficiently established in your mind, I will only say, in bidding +you farewell and looking forward to our next meeting, that I shall +charge myself from this time, through all changes for the better, +with your advancement and happiness, as if they were my own. You +may rely upon that. And always believe me, my dear Tom Pinch, +faithfully your friend, Martin Chuzzlewit. P.S.--I enclose the +amount which you so kindly"--Oh,' said Martin, checking himself, and +folding up the letter, 'that's nothing!' + +At this crisis Mark Tapley interposed, with an apology for remarking +that the clock at the Horse Guards was striking. + +'Which I shouldn't have said nothing about, sir,' added Mark, 'if +the young lady hadn't begged me to be particular in mentioning it.' + +'I did,' said Mary. 'Thank you. You are quite right. In another +minute I shall be ready to return. We have time for a very few +words more, dear Martin, and although I had much to say, it must +remain unsaid until the happy time of our next meeting. Heaven send +it may come speedily and prosperously! But I have no fear of that.' + +'Fear!' cried Martin. 'Why, who has? What are a few months? What +is a whole year? When I come gayly back, with a road through life +hewn out before me, then indeed, looking back upon this parting, it +may seem a dismal one. But now! I swear I wouldn't have it happen +under more favourable auspices, if I could; for then I should be +less inclined to go, and less impressed with the necessity.' + +'Yes, yes. I feel that too. When do you go?' + +'To-night. We leave for Liverpool to-night. A vessel sails from +that port, as I hear, in three days. In a month, or less, we shall +be there. Why, what's a month! How many months have flown by, since +our last parting!' + +'Long to look back upon,' said Mary, echoing his cheerful tone, 'but +nothing in their course!' + +'Nothing at all!' cried Martin. 'I shall have change of scene and +change of place; change of people, change of manners, change of +cares and hopes! Time will wear wings indeed! I can bear anything, +so that I have swift action, Mary.' + +Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little +heed of her share in the separation; of her quiet monotonous +endurance, and her slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing +jarring and discordant even in his tone of courage, with this one +note 'self' for ever audible, however high the strain? Not in her +ears. It had been better otherwise, perhaps, but so it was. She +heard the same bold spirit which had flung away as dross all gain +and profit for her sake, making light of peril and privation that +she might be calm and happy; and she heard no more. That heart +where self has found no place and raised no throne, is slow to +recognize its ugly presence when it looks upon it. As one possessed +of an evil spirit was held in old time to be alone conscious of the +lurking demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred vices know +each other in their hiding-places every day, when Virtue is +incredulous and blind. + +'The quarter's gone!' cried Mr Tapley, in a voice of admonition. + +'I shall be ready to return immediately,' she said. 'One thing, +dear Martin, I am bound to tell you. You entreated me a few minutes +since only to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, +but you should and must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that +since that separation of which I was the unhappy occasion, he has +never once uttered your name; has never coupled it, or any faint +allusion to it, with passion or reproach; and has never abated in +his kindness to me.' + +'I thank him for that last act,' said Martin, 'and for nothing else. +Though on consideration I may thank him for his other forbearance +also, inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention +my name again. He may once, perhaps--to couple it with reproach--in +his will. Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me, he will +be in his grave; a satire on his own anger, God help him!' + +'Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the +winter fire; in the summer air; when you hear gentle music, or think +of Death, or Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season +resolve to think, but once a month, or even once a year, of him, or +any one who ever wronged you, you would forgive him in your heart, I +know!' + +'If I believed that to be true, Mary,' he replied, 'I would resolve +at no such time to bear him in my mind; wishing to spare myself the +shame of such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet +of any man, far less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return +for any good he did me, my whole youth was sacrificed. It became +between us two a fair exchange--a barter--and no more; and there is +no such balance against me that I need throw in a mawkish +forgiveness to poise the scale. He has forbidden all mention of me +to you, I know,' he added hastily. 'Come! Has he not?' + +'That was long ago,' she returned; 'immediately after your parting; +before you had left the house. He has never done so since.' + +'He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,' said +Martin; 'but that is of little consequence, one way or other. Let +all allusion to him between you and me be interdicted from this time +forth. And therefore, love'--he drew her quickly to him, for the +time of parting had now come--'in the first letter that you write to +me through the Post Office, addressed to New York; and in all the +others that you send through Pinch; remember he has no existence, +but has become to us as one who is dead. Now, God bless you! This +is a strange place for such a meeting and such a parting; but our +next meeting shall be in a better, and our next and last parting in +a worse.' + +'One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money +for this journey?' + +'Have I?' cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might +have been in his desire to set her mind at ease: 'Have I provided +money? Why, there's a question for an emigrant's wife! How could I +move on land or sea without it, love?' + +'I mean, enough.' + +'Enough! More than enough. Twenty times more than enough. A +pocket-full. Mark and I, for all essential ends, are quite as rich +as if we had the purse of Fortunatus in our baggage.' + +'The half-hour's a-going!' cried Mr Tapley. + +'Good-bye a hundred times!' cried Mary, in a trembling voice. + +But how cold the comfort in Good-bye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly. +Perhaps he knew it from his reading, perhaps from his experience, +perhaps from intuition. It is impossible to say; but however he +knew it, his knowledge instinctively suggested to him the wisest +course of proceeding that any man could have adopted under the +circumstances. He was taken with a violent fit of sneezing, and was +obliged to turn his head another way. In doing which, he, in a +manner fenced and screened the lovers into a corner by themselves. + +There was a short pause, but Mark had an undefined sensation that it +was a satisfactory one in its way. Then Mary, with her veil +lowered, passed him with a quick step, and beckoned him to follow. +She stopped once more before they lost that corner; looked back; and +waved her hand to Martin. He made a start towards them at the +moment as if he had some other farewell words to say; but she only +hurried off the faster, and Mr Tapley followed as in duty bound. + +When he rejoined Martin again in his own chamber, he found that +gentleman seated moodily before the dusty grate, with his two feet +on the fender, his two elbows on his knees, and his chin supported, +in a not very ornamental manner, on the palms of his hands. + +'Well, Mark!' + +'Well, sir,' said Mark, taking a long breath, 'I see the young lady +safe home, and I feel pretty comfortable after it. She sent a lot +of kind words, sir, and this,' handing him a ring, 'for a parting +keepsake.' + +'Diamonds!' said Martin, kissing it--let us do him justice, it was +for her sake; not for theirs--and putting it on his little finger. +'Splendid diamonds! My grandfather is a singular character, Mark. +He must have given her this now.' + +Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that +that unconscious speaker might carry some article of sterling value +with him in his necessity; as he knew that it was day, and not +night. Though he had no more acquaintance of his own knowledge with +the history of the glittering trinket on Martin's outspread finger, +than Martin himself had, he was as certain that in its purchase she +had expended her whole stock of hoarded money, as if he had seen it +paid down coin by coin. Her lover's strange obtuseness in relation +to this little incident, promptly suggested to Mark's mind its real +cause and root; and from that moment he had a clear and perfect +insight into the one absorbing principle of Martin's character. + +'She is worthy of the sacrifices I have made,' said Martin, folding +his arms, and looking at the ashes in the stove, as if in resumption +of some former thoughts. 'Well worthy of them. No riches'--here he +stroked his chin and mused--'could have compensated for the loss of +such a nature. Not to mention that in gaining her affection I have +followed the bent of my own wishes, and baulked the selfish schemes +of others who had no right to form them. She is quite worthy--more +than worthy--of the sacrifices I have made. Yes, she is. No doubt +of it.' + +These ruminations might or might not have reached Mark Tapley; for +though they were by no means addressed to him, yet they were softly +uttered. In any case, he stood there, watching Martin with an +indescribable and most involved expression on his visage, until that +young man roused himself and looked towards him; when he turned +away, as being suddenly intent upon certain preparations for the +journey, and, without giving vent to any articulate sound, smiled +with surpassing ghastliness, and seemed by a twist of his features +and a motion of his lips, to release himself of this word: + +'Jolly!' + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN + +THE BURDEN WHEREOF, IS HAIL COLUMBIA! + + +A dark and dreary night; people nestling in their beds or circling +late about the fire; Want, colder than Charity, shivering at the +street corners; church-towers humming with the faint vibration of +their own tongues, but newly resting from the ghostly preachment +'One!' The earth covered with a sable pall as for the burial of +yesterday; the clumps of dark trees, its giant plumes of funeral +feathers, waving sadly to and fro: all hushed, all noiseless, and in +deep repose, save the swift clouds that skim across the moon, and +the cautious wind, as, creeping after them upon the ground, it stops +to listen, and goes rustling on, and stops again, and follows, like +a savage on the trail. + +Whither go the clouds and wind so eagerly? If, like guilty spirits, +they repair to some dread conference with powers like themselves, in +what wild regions do the elements hold council, or where unbend in +terrible disport? + +Here! Free from that cramped prison called the earth, and out upon +the waste of waters. Here, roaring, raging, shrieking, howling, all +night long. Hither come the sounding voices from the caverns on the +coast of that small island, sleeping, a thousand miles away, so +quietly in the midst of angry waves; and hither, to meet them, rush +the blasts from unknown desert places of the world. Here, in the +fury of their unchecked liberty, they storm and buffet with each +other, until the sea, lashed into passion like their own, leaps up, +in ravings mightier than theirs, and the whole scene is madness. + +On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long +heaving billows. Mountains and caves are here, and yet are not; for +what is now the one, is now the other; then all is but a boiling +heap of rushing water. Pursuit, and flight, and mad return of wave +on wave, and savage struggle, ending in a spouting-up of foam that +whitens the black night; incessant change of place, and form, and +hue; constancy in nothing, but eternal strife; on, on, on, they +roll, and darker grows the night, and louder howls the wind, and +more clamorous and fierce become the million voices in the sea, when +the wild cry goes forth upon the storm 'A ship!' + +Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall +masts trembling, and her timbers starting on the strain; onward she +comes, now high upon the curling billows, now low down in the +hollows of the sea, as hiding for the moment from its fury; and +every storm-voice in the air and water cries more loudly yet, 'A +ship!' + +Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading +cry, the angry waves rise up above each other's hoary heads to look; +and round about the vessel, far as the mariners on the decks can +pierce into the gloom, they press upon her, forcing each other down +and starting up, and rushing forward from afar, in dreadful +curiosity. High over her they break; and round her surge and roar; +and giving place to others, moaningly depart, and dash themselves to +fragments in their baffled anger. Still she comes onward bravely. +And though the eager multitude crowd thick and fast upon her all the +night, and dawn of day discovers the untiring train yet bearing down +upon the ship in an eternity of troubled water, onward she comes, +with dim lights burning in her hull, and people there, asleep; as if +no deadly element were peering in at every seam and chink, and no +drowned seaman's grave, with but a plank to cover it, were yawning +in the unfathomable depths below. + +Among these sleeping voyagers were Martin and Mark Tapley, who, +rocked into a heavy drowsiness by the unaccustomed motion, were +as insensible to the foul air in which they lay, as to the uproar +without. It was broad day when the latter awoke with a dim idea +that he was dreaming of having gone to sleep in a four-post bedstead +which had turned bottom upwards in the course of the night. There +was more reason in this too, than in the roasting of eggs; for the +first objects Mr Tapley recognized when he opened his eyes were his +own heels--looking down to him, as he afterwards observed, from +a nearly perpendicular elevation. + +'Well!' said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after +various ineffectual struggles with the rolling of the ship. 'This +is the first time as ever I stood on my head all night.' + +'You shouldn't go to sleep upon the ground with your head to leeward +then,' growled a man in one of the berths. + +'With my head to WHERE?' asked Mark. + +The man repeated his previous sentiment. + +'No, I won't another time,' said Mark, 'when I know whereabouts on +the map that country is. In the meanwhile I can give you a better +piece of advice. Don't you nor any other friend of mine never go to +sleep with his head in a ship any more.' + +The man gave a grunt of discontented acquiescence, turned over in +his berth, and drew his blanket over his head. + +'--For,' said Mr Tapley, pursuing the theme by way of soliloquy in +a low tone of voice; 'the sea is as nonsensical a thing as any +going. It never knows what to do with itself. It hasn't got no +employment for its mind, and is always in a state of vacancy. Like +them Polar bears in the wild-beast shows as is constantly a-nodding +their heads from side to side, it never CAN be quiet. Which is +entirely owing to its uncommon stupidity.' + +'Is that you, Mark?' asked a faint voice from another berth. + +'It's as much of me as is left, sir, after a fortnight of this +work,' Mr Tapley replied, 'What with leading the life of a fly, ever +since I've been aboard--for I've been perpetually holding-on to +something or other in a upside-down position--what with that, sir, +and putting a very little into myself, and taking a good deal out of +myself, there an't too much of me to swear by. How do you find +yourself this morning, sir?' + +'Very miserable,' said Martin, with a peevish groan. 'Ugh. This is +wretched, indeed!' + +'Creditable,' muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head +and looking round him with a rueful grin. 'That's the great +comfort. It IS creditable to keep up one's spirits here. Virtue's +its own reward. So's jollity.' + +Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained his +cheerfulness among the steerage accommodations of that noble and +fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, 'THE SCREW,' was solely indebted +to his own resources, and shipped his good humour, like his +provisions, without any contribution or assistance from the owners. +A dark, low, stifling cabin, surrounded by berths all filled to +overflowing with men, women, and children, in various stages of +sickness and misery, is not the liveliest place of assembly at any +time; but when it is so crowded (as the steerage cabin of the +Screw was, every passage out), that mattresses and beds are heaped +upon the floor, to the extinction of everything like comfort, +cleanliness, and decency, it is liable to operate not only as a +pretty strong banner against amiability of temper, but as a positive +encourager of selfish and rough humours. Mark felt this, as he sat +looking about him; and his spirits rose proportionately. + +There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch +people there; all with their little store of coarse food and shabby +clothes; and nearly all with their families of children. There were +children of all ages; from the baby at the breast, to the slattern- +girl who was as much a grown woman as her mother. Every kind of +domestic suffering that is bred in poverty, illness, banishment, +sorrow, and long travel in bad weather, was crammed into the little +space; and yet was there infinitely less of complaint and +querulousness, and infinitely more of mutual assistance and general +kindness to be found in that unwholesome ark, than in many brilliant +ballrooms. + +Mark looked about him wistfully, and his face brightened as he +looked. Here an old grandmother was crooning over a sick child, and +rocking it to and fro, in arms hardly more wasted than its own young +limbs; here a poor woman with an infant in her lap, mended another +little creature's clothes, and quieted another who was creeping up +about her from their scanty bed upon the floor. Here were old men +awkwardly engaged in little household offices, wherein they would +have been ridiculous but for their good-will and kind purpose; and +here were swarthy fellows--giants in their way--doing such little +acts of tenderness for those about them, as might have belonged to +gentlest-hearted dwarfs. The very idiot in the corner who sat +mowing there, all day, had his faculty of imitation roused by what +he saw about him; and snapped his fingers to amuse a crying child. + +'Now, then,' said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her +three children at no great distance from him--and the grin upon his +face had by this time spread from ear to ear--'Hand over one of them +young 'uns according to custom.' + +'I wish you'd get breakfast, Mark, instead of worrying with people +who don't belong to you,' observed Martin, petulantly. + +'All right,' said Mark. 'SHE'll do that. It's a fair division of +labour, sir. I wash her boys, and she makes our tea. I never COULD +make tea, but any one can wash a boy.' + +The woman, who was delicate and ill, felt and understood his +kindness, as well she might, for she had been covered every night +with his greatcoat, while he had for his own bed the bare boards +and a rug. But Martin, who seldom got up or looked about him, was +quite incensed by the folly of this speech, and expressed his +dissatisfaction by an impatient groan. + +'So it is, certainly,' said Mark, brushing the child's hair as +coolly as if he had been born and bred a barber. + +'What are you talking about, now?' asked Martin. + +'What you said,' replied Mark; 'or what you meant, when you gave +that there dismal vent to your feelings. I quite go along with it, +sir. It IS very hard upon her.' + +'What is?' + +'Making the voyage by herself along with these young impediments +here, and going such a way at such a time of the year to join her +husband. If you don't want to be driven mad with yellow soap in +your eye, young man,' said Mr Tapley to the second urchin, who was +by this time under his hands at the basin, 'you'd better shut it.' + +'Where does she join her husband?' asked Martin, yawning. + +'Why, I'm very much afraid,' said Mr Tapley, in a low voice, 'that +she don't know. I hope she mayn't miss him. But she sent her last +letter by hand, and it don't seem to have been very clearly +understood between 'em without it, and if she don't see him a-waving +his pocket-handkerchief on the shore, like a pictur out of a song- +book, my opinion is, she'll break her heart.' + +'Why, how, in Folly's name, does the woman come to be on board ship +on such a wild-goose venture!' cried Martin. + +Mr Tapley glanced at him for a moment as he lay prostrate in his +berth, and then said, very quietly: + +'Ah! How indeed! I can't think! He's been away from her for two +year; she's been very poor and lonely in her own country; and has +always been a-looking forward to meeting him. It's very strange she +should be here. Quite amazing! A little mad perhaps! There can't +be no other way of accounting for it.' + +Martin was too far gone in the lassitude of sea-sickness to make any +reply to these words, or even to attend to them as they were spoken. +And the subject of their discourse returning at this crisis with +some hot tea, effectually put a stop to any resumption of the theme +by Mr Tapley; who, when the meal was over and he had adjusted +Martin's bed, went up on deck to wash the breakfast service, which +consisted of two half-pint tin mugs, and a shaving-pot of the same +metal. + +It is due to Mark Tapley to state that he suffered at least as much +from sea-sickness as any man, woman, or child, on board; and that he +had a peculiar faculty of knocking himself about on the smallest +provocation, and losing his legs at every lurch of the ship. But +resolved, in his usual phrase, to 'come out strong' under +disadvantageous circumstances, he was the life and soul of the +steerage, and made no more of stopping in the middle of a facetious +conversation to go away and be excessively ill by himself, and +afterwards come back in the very best and gayest of tempers to +resume it, than if such a course of proceeding had been the +commonest in the world. + +It cannot be said that as his illness wore off, his cheerfulness and +good nature increased, because they would hardly admit of +augmentation; but his usefulness among the weaker members of the +party was much enlarged; and at all times and seasons there he was +exerting it. If a gleam of sun shone out of the dark sky, down Mark +tumbled into the cabin, and presently up he came again with a woman +in his arms, or half-a-dozen children, or a man, or a bed, or a +saucepan, or a basket, or something animate or inanimate, that he +thought would be the better for the air. If an hour or two of fine +weather in the middle of the day tempted those who seldom or never +came on deck at other times to crawl into the long-boat, or lie down +upon the spare spars, and try to eat, there, in the centre of the +group, was Mr Tapley, handing about salt beef and biscuit, or +dispensing tastes of grog, or cutting up the children's provisions +with his pocketknife, for their greater ease and comfort, or reading +aloud from a venerable newspaper, or singing some roaring old song +to a select party, or writing the beginnings of letters to their +friends at home for people who couldn't write, or cracking jokes +with the crew, or nearly getting blown over the side, or emerging, +half-drowned, from a shower of spray, or lending a hand somewhere or +other; but always doing something for the general entertainment. At +night, when the cooking-fire was lighted on the deck, and the +driving sparks that flew among the rigging, and the clouds of sails, +seemed to menace the ship with certain annihilation by fire, in case +the elements of air and water failed to compass her destruction; +there, again, was Mr Tapley, with his coat off and his shirt-sleeves +turned up to his elbows, doing all kinds of culinary offices; +compounding the strangest dishes; recognized by every one as an +established authority; and helping all parties to achieve something +which, left to themselves, they never could have done, and never +would have dreamed of. In short, there never was a more popular +character than Mark Tapley became, on board that noble and fast- +sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw; and he attained at last to +such a pitch of universal admiration, that he began to have grave +doubts within himself whether a man might reasonably claim any +credit for being jolly under such exciting circumstances. + +'If this was going to last,' said Tapley, 'there'd be no great +difference as I can perceive, between the Screw and the Dragon. I +never am to get credit, I think. I begin to be afraid that the +Fates is determined to make the world easy to me.' + +'Well, Mark,' said Martin, near whose berth he had ruminated to this +effect. 'When will this be over?' + +'Another week, they say, sir,' returned Mark, 'will most likely +bring us into port. The ship's a-going along at present, as +sensible as a ship can, sir; though I don't mean to say as that's +any very high praise.' + +'I don't think it is, indeed,' groaned Martin. + +'You'd feel all the better for it, sir, if you was to turn out,' +observed Mark. + +'And be seen by the ladies and gentlemen on the after-deck,' +returned Martin, with a scronful emphasis upon the words, 'mingling +with the beggarly crowd that are stowed away in this vile hole. I +should be greatly the better for that, no doubt.' + +'I'm thankful that I can't say from my own experience what the +feelings of a gentleman may be,' said Mark, 'but I should have +thought, sir, as a gentleman would feel a deal more uncomfortable +down here than up in the fresh air, especially when the ladies and +gentlemen in the after-cabin know just as much about him as he does +about them, and are likely to trouble their heads about him in the +same proportion. I should have thought that, certainly.' + +'I tell you, then,' rejoined Martin, 'you would have thought wrong, +and do think wrong.' + +'Very likely, sir,' said Mark, with imperturbable good temper. 'I +often do.' + +'As to lying here,' cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and +looking angrily at his follower. 'Do you suppose it's a pleasure to +lie here?' + +'All the madhouses in the world,' said Mr Tapley, 'couldn't produce +such a maniac as the man must be who could think that.' + +'Then why are you forever goading and urging me to get up?' asked +Martin, 'I lie here because I don't wish to be recognized, in the +better days to which I aspire, by any purse-proud citizen, as the +man who came over with him among the steerage passengers. I lie +here because I wish to conceal my circumstances and myself, and not +to arrive in a new world badged and ticketed as an utterly poverty- +stricken man. If I could have afforded a passage in the after-cabin +I should have held up my head with the rest. As I couldn't I hide +it. Do you understand that?' + +'I am very sorry, sir,' said Mark. 'I didn't know you took it so +much to heart as this comes to.' + +'Of course you didn't know,' returned his master. 'How should you +know, unless I told you? It's no trial to you, Mark, to make +yourself comfortable and to bustle about. It's as natural for you +to do so under the circumstances as it is for me not to do so. Why, +you don't suppose there is a living creature in this ship who can by +possibility have half so much to undergo on board of her as I have? +Do you?' he asked, sitting upright in his berth and looking at Mark, +with an expression of great earnestness not unmixed with wonder. + +Mark twisted his face into a tight knot, and with his head very much +on one side, pondered upon this question as if he felt it an +extremely difficult one to answer. He was relieved from his +embarrassment by Martin himself, who said, as he stretched himself +upon his back again and resumed the book he had been reading: + +'But what is the use of my putting such a case to you, when the very +essence of what I have been saying is, that you cannot by +possibility understand it! Make me a little brandy-and-water--cold +and very weak--and give me a biscuit, and tell your friend, who is a +nearer neighbour of ours than I could wish, to try and keep her +children a little quieter to-night than she did last night; that's a +good fellow.' + +Mr Tapley set himself to obey these orders with great alacrity, and +pending their execution, it may be presumed his flagging spirits +revived; inasmuch as he several times observed, below his breath, +that in respect of its power of imparting a credit to jollity, the +Screw unquestionably had some decided advantages over the Dragon. +He also remarked that it was a high gratification to him to reflect +that he would carry its main excellence ashore with him, and have it +constantly beside him wherever he went; but what he meant by these +consolatory thoughts he did not explain. + +And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and various +predictions relative to the precise day, and even the precise hour +at which they would reach New York, were freely broached. There was +infinitely more crowding on deck and looking over the ship's side +than there had been before; and an epidemic broke out for packing up +things every morning, which required unpacking again every night. +Those who had any letters to deliver, or any friends to meet, or any +settled plans of going anywhere or doing anything, discussed their +prospects a hundred times a day; and as this class of passengers was +very small, and the number of those who had no prospects whatever +was very large, there were plenty of listeners and few talkers. +Those who had been ill all along, got well now, and those who had +been well, got better. An American gentleman in the after-cabin, +who had been wrapped up in fur and oilskin the whole passage, +unexpectedly appeared in a very shiny, tall, black hat, and +constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather, which +contained his clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books, +trinkets, and other baggage. He likewise stuck his hands deep into +his pockets, and walked the deck with his nostrils dilated, as +already inhaling the air of Freedom which carries death to all +tyrants, and can never (under any circumstances worth mentioning) be +breathed by slaves. An English gentleman who was strongly suspected +of having run away from a bank, with something in his possession +belonging to its strong box besides the key, grew eloquent upon the +subject of the rights of man, and hummed the Marseillaise Hymn +constantly. In a word, one great sensation pervaded the whole ship, +and the soil of America lay close before them; so close at last, +that, upon a certain starlight night they took a pilot on board, and +within a few hours afterwards lay to until the morning, awaiting the +arrival of a steamboat in which the passengers were to be conveyed +ashore. + +Off she came, soon after it was light next morning, and lying +alongside an hour or more--during which period her very firemen were +objects of hardly less interest and curiosity than if they had been +so many angels, good or bad--took all her living freight aboard. +Among them Mark, who still had his friend and her three children +under his close protection; and Martin, who had once more dressed +himself in his usual attire, but wore a soiled, old cloak above his +ordinary clothes, until such time as he should separate for ever +from his late companions. + +The steamer--which, with its machinery on deck, looked, as it worked +its long slim legs, like some enormously magnified insect or +antediluvian monster--dashed at great speed up a beautiful bay; and +presently they saw some heights, and islands, and a long, flat, +straggling city. + +'And this,' said Mr Tapley, looking far ahead, 'is the Land of +Liberty, is it? Very well. I'm agreeable. Any land will do for +me, after so much water!' + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN + +MARTIN DISEMBARKS FROM THAT NOBLE AND FAST-SAILING LINE-OF-PACKET +SHIP, 'THE SCREW', AT THE PORT OF NEW YORK, IN THE UNITED STATES OF +AMERICA. HE MAKES SOME ACQUAINTANCES, AND DINES AT A BOARDING- +HOUSE. THE PARTICULARS OF THOSE TRANSACTIONS + + +Some trifling excitement prevailed upon the very brink and margin of +the land of liberty; for an alderman had been elected the day +before; and Party Feeling naturally running rather high on such an +exciting occasion, the friends of the disappointed candidate had +found it necessary to assert the great principles of Purity of +Election and Freedom of opinion by breaking a few legs and arms, and +furthermore pursuing one obnoxious gentleman through the streets +with the design of hitting his nose. These good-humoured little +outbursts of the popular fancy were not in themselves sufficiently +remarkable to create any great stir, after the lapse of a whole +night; but they found fresh life and notoriety in the breath of the +newsboys, who not only proclaimed them with shrill yells in all the +highways and byways of the town, upon the wharves and among the +shipping, but on the deck and down in the cabins of the steamboat; +which, before she touched the shore, was boarded and overrun by a +legion of those young citizens. + +'Here's this morning's New York Sewer!' cried one. 'Here's this +morning's New York Stabber! Here's the New York Family Spy! Here's +the New York Private Listener! Here's the New York Peeper! Here's +the New York Plunderer! Here's the New York Keyhole Reporter! Here's +the New York Rowdy Journal! Here's all the New York papers! Here's +full particulars of the patriotic locofoco movement yesterday, in +which the whigs was so chawed up; and the last Alabama gouging case; +and the interesting Arkansas dooel with Bowie knives; and all the +Political, Commercial, and Fashionable News. Here they are! Here +they are! Here's the papers, here's the papers!' + +'Here's the Sewer!' cried another. 'Here's the New York Sewer! +Here's some of the twelfth thousand of to-day's Sewer, with the best +accounts of the markets, and all the shipping news, and four whole +columns of country correspondence, and a full account of the Ball at +Mrs White's last night, where all the beauty and fashion of New York +was assembled; with the Sewer's own particulars of the private lives +of all the ladies that was there! Here's the Sewer! Here's some of +the twelfth thousand of the New York Sewer! Here's the Sewer's +exposure of the Wall Street Gang, and the Sewer's exposure of the +Washington Gang, and the Sewer's exclusive account of a flagrant act +of dishonesty committed by the Secretary of State when he was eight +years old; now communicated, at a great expense, by his own nurse. +Here's the Sewer! Here's the New York Sewer, in its twelfth +thousand, with a whole column of New Yorkers to be shown up, and all +their names printed! Here's the Sewer's article upon the Judge that +tried him, day afore yesterday, for libel, and the Sewer's tribute +to the independent Jury that didn't convict him, and the Sewer's +account of what they might have expected if they had! Here's the +Sewer, here's the Sewer! Here's the wide-awake Sewer; always on the +lookout; the leading Journal of the United States, now in its +twelfth thousand, and still a-printing off:--Here's the New York +Sewer!' + +'It is in such enlightened means,' said a voice almost in Martin's +ear, 'that the bubbling passions of my country find a vent.' + +Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a +sallow gentleman, with sunken cheeks, black hair, small twinkling +eyes, and a singular expression hovering about that region of his +face, which was not a frown, nor a leer, and yet might have been +mistaken at the first glance for either. Indeed it would have been +difficult, on a much closer acquaintance, to describe it in any more +satisfactory terms than as a mixed expression of vulgar cunning and +conceit. This gentleman wore a rather broad-brimmed hat for the +greater wisdom of his appearance; and had his arms folded for the +greater impressiveness of his attitude. He was somewhat shabbily +dressed in a blue surtout reaching nearly to his ankles, short loose +trousers of the same colour, and a faded buff waistcoat, through +which a discoloured shirt-frill struggled to force itself into +notice, as asserting an equality of civil rights with the other +portions of his dress, and maintaining a declaration of Independence +on its own account. His feet, which were of unusually large +proportions, were leisurely crossed before him as he half leaned +against, half sat upon, the steamboat's bulwark; and his thick cane, +shod with a mighty ferule at one end and armed with a great metal +knob at the other, depended from a line-and-tassel on his wrist. +Thus attired, and thus composed into an aspect of great profundity, +the gentleman twitched up the right-hand corner of his mouth and his +right eye simultaneously, and said, once more: + +'It is in such enlightened means that the bubbling passions of my +country find a vent.' + +As he looked at Martin, and nobody else was by, Martin inclined his +head, and said: + +'You allude to--?' + +'To the Palladium of rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of +Foreign oppression abroad,' returned the gentleman, as he pointed +with his cane to an uncommonly dirty newsboy with one eye. 'To the +Envy of the world, sir, and the leaders of Human Civilization. Let +me ask you sir,' he added, bringing the ferule of his stick heavily +upon the deck with the air of a man who must not be equivocated +with, 'how do you like my Country?' + +'I am hardly prepared to answer that question yet,' said Martin +'seeing that I have not been ashore.' + +'Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,' said the +gentleman, 'to behold such signs of National Prosperity as those?' + +He pointed to the vessels lying at the wharves; and then gave a +vague flourish with his stick, as if he would include the air and +water, generally, in this remark. + +'Really,' said Martin, 'I don't know. Yes. I think I was.' + +The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked +his policy. It was natural, he said, and it pleased him as a +philosopher to observe the prejudices of human nature. + +'You have brought, I see, sir,' he said, turning round towards +Martin, and resting his chin on the top of his stick, 'the usual +amount of misery and poverty and ignorance and crime, to be located +in the bosom of the great Republic. Well, sir! let 'em come on in +shiploads from the old country. When vessels are about to founder, +the rats are said to leave 'em. There is considerable of truth, I +find, in that remark.' + +'The old ship will keep afloat a year or two longer yet, perhaps,' +said Martin with a smile, partly occasioned by what the gentleman +said, and partly by his manner of saying it, which was odd enough +for he emphasised all the small words and syllables in his +discourse, and left the others to take care of themselves; as if he +thought the larger parts of speech could be trusted alone, but the +little ones required to be constantly looked after. + +'Hope is said by the poet, sir,' observed the gentleman, 'to be the +nurse of young Desire.' + +Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in +question serving occasionally in that domestic capacity. + +'She will not rear her infant in the present instance, sir, you'll +find,' observed the gentleman. + +'Time will show,' said Martin. + +The gentleman nodded his head gravely; and said, 'What is your name, +sir?' + +Martin told him. + +'How old are you, sir?' + +Martin told him. + +'What is your profession, sir?' + +Martin told him that also. + +'What is your destination, sir?' inquired the gentleman. + +'Really,' said Martin laughing, 'I can't satisfy you in that +particular, for I don't know it myself.' + +'Yes?' said the gentleman. + +'No,' said Martin. + +The gentleman adjusted his cane under his left arm, and took a more +deliberate and complete survey of Martin than he had yet had leisure +to make. When he had completed his inspection, he put out his right +hand, shook Martin's hand, and said: + +'My name is Colonel Diver, sir. I am the Editor of the New York +Rowdy Journal.' + +Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which +an announcement so distinguished appeared to demand. + +'The New York Rowdy Journal, sir,' resumed the colonel, 'is, as I +expect you know, the organ of our aristocracy in this city.' + +'Oh! there IS an aristocracy here, then?' said Martin. 'Of what is +it composed?' + +'Of intelligence, sir,' replied the colonel; 'of intelligence and +virtue. And of their necessary consequence in this republic-- +dollars, sir.' + +Martin was very glad to hear this, feeling well assured that if +intelligence and virtue led, as a matter of course, to the +acquisition of dollars, he would speedily become a great capitalist. +He was about to express the gratification such news afforded him, +when he was interrupted by the captain of the ship, who came up at +the moment to shake hands with the colonel; and who, seeing a +well-dressed stranger on the deck (for Martin had thrown aside his +cloak), shook hands with him also. This was an unspeakable relief +to Martin, who, in spite of the acknowledged supremacy of +Intelligence and virtue in that happy country, would have been +deeply mortified to appear before Colonel Diver in the poor +character of a steerage passenger. + +'Well cap'en!' said the colonel. + +'Well colonel,' cried the captain. 'You're looking most uncommon +bright, sir. I can hardly realise its being you, and that's a +fact.' + +'A good passage, cap'en?' inquired the colonel, taking him aside, + +'Well now! It was a pretty spanking run, sir,' said, or rather sung, +the captain, who was a genuine New Englander; 'con-siderin' the +weather.' + +'Yes?' said the colonel. + +'Well! It was, sir,' said the captain. 'I've just now sent a boy up +to your office with the passenger-list, colonel.' + +'You haven't got another boy to spare, p'raps, cap'en?' said the +colonel, in a tone almost amounting to severity. + +'I guess there air a dozen if you want 'em, colonel,' said the +captain. + +'One moderate big 'un could convey a dozen champagne, perhaps,' +observed the colonel, musing, 'to my office. You said a spanking +run, I think?' + +'Well, so I did,' was the reply. + +'It's very nigh, you know,' observed the colonel. 'I'm glad it was +a spanking run, cap'en. Don't mind about quarts if you're short of +'em. The boy can as well bring four-and-twenty pints, and travel +twice as once.--A first-rate spanker, cap'en, was it? Yes?' + +'A most e--tarnal spanker,' said the skipper. + +'I admire at your good fortun, cap'en. You might loan me a +corkscrew at the same time, and half-a-dozen glasses if you liked. +However bad the elements combine against my country's noble +packet-ship, the Screw, sir,' said the colonel, turning to Martin, +and drawing a flourish on the surface of the deck with his cane, +'her passage either way is almost certain to eventuate a spanker!' + +The captain, who had the Sewer below at that moment, lunching +expensively in one cabin, while the amiable Stabber was drinking +himself into a state of blind madness in another, took a cordial +leave of his friend the colonel, and hurried away to dispatch the +champagne; well knowing (as it afterwards appeared) that if he +failed to conciliate the editor of the Rowdy Journal, that potentate +would denounce him and his ship in large capitals before he was a +day older; and would probably assault the memory of his mother also, +who had not been dead more than twenty years. The colonel being +again left alone with Martin, checked him as he was moving away, and +offered in consideration of his being an Englishman, to show him the +town and to introduce him, if such were his desire, to a genteel +boarding-house. But before they entered on these proceedings (he +said), he would beseech the honour of his company at the office of +the Rowdy Journal, to partake of a bottle of champagne of his own +importation. + +All this was so extremely kind and hospitable, that Martin, though +it was quite early in the morning, readily acquiesced. So, +instructing Mark, who was deeply engaged with his friend and her +three children, that when he had done assisting them, and had cleared +the baggage, he was to wait for further orders at the Rowdy Journal +Office, Martin accompanied his new friend on shore. + +They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd +of emigrants upon the wharf, who, grouped about their beds and +boxes, with the bare ground below them and the bare sky above, might +have fallen from another planet, for anything they knew of the +country; and walked for some short distance along a busy street, +bounded on one side by the quays and shipping; and on the other by a +long row of staring red-brick storehouses and offices, ornamented +with more black boards and white letters, and more white boards and +black letters, than Martin had ever seen before, in fifty times the +space. Presently they turned up a narrow street, and presently into +other narrow streets, until at last they stopped before a house +whereon was painted in great characters, 'ROWDY JOURNAL.' + +The colonel, who had walked the whole way with one hand in his +breast, his head occasionally wagging from side to side, and his hat +thrown back upon his ears, like a man who was oppressed to +inconvenience by a sense of his own greatness, led the way up a dark +and dirty flight of stairs into a room of similar character, all +littered and bestrewn with odds and ends of newspapers and other +crumpled fragments, both in proof and manuscript. Behind a mangy +old writing-table in this apartment sat a figure with a stump of a +pen in its mouth and a great pair of scissors in its right hand, +clipping and slicing at a file of Rowdy Journals; and it was such a +laughable figure that Martin had some difficulty in preserving his +gravity, though conscious of the close observation of Colonel Diver. + +The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the +Rowdy Journals, was a small young gentleman of very juvenile +appearance, and unwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, +from intense thought, but partly, there is no doubt, from the +excessive use of tobacco, which he was at that moment chewing +vigorously. He wore his shirt-collar turned down over a black +ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was not only smoothed and +parted back from his brow, that none of the Poetry of his aspect +might be lost, but had, here and there, been grubbed up by the +roots; which accounted for his loftiest developments being somewhat +pimply. He had that order of nose on which the envy of mankind has +bestowed the appellation 'snub,' and it was very much turned up at +the end, as with a lofty scorn. Upon the upper lip of this young +gentleman were tokens of a sandy down; so very, very smooth and +scant, that, though encouraged to the utmost, it looked more like a +recent trace of gingerbread than the fair promise of a moustache; +and this conjecture, his apparently tender age went far to +strengthen. He was intent upon his work. Every time he snapped the +great pair of scissors, he made a corresponding motion with his +jaws, which gave him a very terrible appearance. + +Martin was not long in determining within himself that this must be +Colonel Diver's son; the hope of the family, and future mainspring +of the Rowdy Journal. Indeed he had begun to say that he presumed +this was the colonel's little boy, and that it was very pleasant to +see him playing at Editor in all the guilelessness of childhood, +when the colonel proudly interposed and said: + +'My War Correspondent, sir--Mr Jefferson Brick!' + +Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and +the consciousness of the irretrievable mistake he had nearly made. + +Mr Brick seemed pleased with the sensation he produced upon the +stranger, and shook hands with him, with an air of patronage +designed to reassure him, and to let him blow that there was no +occasion to be frightened, for he (Brick) wouldn't hurt him. + +'You have heard of Jefferson Brick, I see, sir,' quoth the colonel, +with a smile. 'England has heard of Jefferson Brick. Europe has +heard of Jefferson Brick. Let me see. When did you leave England, +sir?' + +'Five weeks ago,' said Martin. + +'Five weeks ago,' repeated the colonel, thoughtfully; as he took his +seat upon the table, and swung his legs. 'Now let me ask you, sir +which of Mr Brick's articles had become at that time the most +obnoxious to the British Parliament and the Court of Saint James's?' + +'Upon my word,' said Martin, 'I--' + +'I have reason to know, sir,' interrupted the colonel, 'that the +aristocratic circles of your country quail before the name of +Jefferson Brick. I should like to be informed, sir, from your lips, +which of his sentiments has struck the deadliest blow--' + +'At the hundred heads of the Hydra of Corruption now grovelling in +the dust beneath the lance of Reason, and spouting up to the +universal arch above us, its sanguinary gore,' said Mr Brick, +putting on a little blue cloth cap with a glazed front, and quoting +his last article. + +'The libation of freedom, Brick'--hinted the colonel. + +'--Must sometimes be quaffed in blood, colonel,' cried Brick. And +when he said 'blood,' he gave the great pair of scissors a sharp +snap, as if THEY said blood too, and were quite of his opinion. + +This done, they both looked at Martin, pausing for a reply. + +'Upon my life,' said Martin, who had by this time quite recovered +his usual coolness, 'I can't give you any satisfactory information +about it; for the truth is that I--' + +'Stop!' cried the colonel, glancing sternly at his war correspondent +and giving his head one shake after every sentence. 'That you never +heard of Jefferson Brick, sir. That you never read Jefferson Brick, +sir. That you never saw the Rowdy Journal, sir. That you never +knew, sir, of its mighty influence upon the cabinets of Europe. +Yes?' + +'That's what I was about to observe, certainly,' said Martin. + +'Keep cool, Jefferson,' said the colonel gravely. 'Don't bust! oh +you Europeans! After that, let's have a glass of wine!' So saying, +he got down from the table, and produced, from a basket outside the +door, a bottle of champagne, and three glasses. + +'Mr Jefferson Brick, sir,' said the colonel, filling Martin's glass +and his own, and pushing the bottle to that gentleman, 'will give us +a sentiment.' + +'Well, sir!' cried the war correspondent, 'Since you have concluded +to call upon me, I will respond. I will give you, sir, The Rowdy +Journal and its brethren; the well of Truth, whose waters are black +from being composed of printers' ink, but are quite clear enough for +my country to behold the shadow of her Destiny reflected in.' + +'Hear, hear!' cried the colonel, with great complacency. 'There are +flowery components, sir, in the language of my friend?' + +'Very much so, indeed,' said Martin. + +'There is to-day's Rowdy, sir,' observed the colonel, handing him a +paper. 'You'll find Jefferson Brick at his usual post in the van of +human civilization and moral purity.' + +The colonel was by this time seated on the table again. Mr Brick +also took up a position on that same piece of furniture; and they +fell to drinking pretty hard. They often looked at Martin as he +read the paper, and then at each other. When he laid it down, which +was not until they had finished a second bottle, the colonel asked +him what he thought of it. + +'Why, it's horribly personal,' said Martin. + +The colonel seemed much flattered by this remark; and said he hoped +it was. + +'We are independent here, sir,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. 'We do as +we like.' + +'If I may judge from this specimen,' returned Martin, 'there must be +a few thousands here, rather the reverse of independent, who do as +they don't like.' + +'Well! They yield to the popular mind of the Popular Instructor, +sir,' said the colonel. 'They rile up, sometimes; but in general we +have a hold upon our citizens, both in public and in private life, +which is as much one of the ennobling institutions of our happy +country as--' + +'As nigger slavery itself,' suggested Mr Brick. + +'En--tirely so,' remarked the colonel. + +'Pray,' said Martin, after some hesitation, 'may I venture to ask, +with reference to a case I observe in this paper of yours, whether +the Popular Instructor often deals in--I am at a loss to express it +without giving you offence--in forgery? In forged letters, for +instance,' he pursued, for the colonel was perfectly calm and quite +at his ease, 'solemnly purporting to have been written at recent +periods by living men?' + +'Well, sir!' replied the colonel. 'It does, now and then.' + +'And the popular instructed--what do they do?' asked Martin. + +'Buy 'em:' said the colonel. + +Mr Jefferson Brick expectorated and laughed; the former copiously, +the latter approvingly. + +'Buy 'em by hundreds of thousands,' resumed the colonel. 'We are a +smart people here, and can appreciate smartness.' + +'Is smartness American for forgery?' asked Martin. + +'Well!' said the colonel, 'I expect it's American for a good many +things that you call by other names. But you can't help yourself in +Europe. We can.' + +'And do, sometimes,' thought Martin. 'You help yourselves with very +little ceremony, too!' + +'At all events, whatever name we choose to employ,' said the +colonel, stooping down to roll the third empty bottle into a corner +after the other two, 'I suppose the art of forgery was not invented +here sir?' + +'I suppose not,' replied Martin. + +'Nor any other kind of smartness I reckon?' + +'Invented! No, I presume not.' + +'Well!' said the colonel; 'then we got it all from the old country, +and the old country's to blame for it, and not the new 'un. There's +an end of THAT. Now, if Mr Jefferson Brick and you will be so good +as to clear, I'll come out last, and lock the door.' + +Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin +walked downstairs after the war correspondent, who preceded him +with great majesty. The colonel following, they left the Rowdy +Journal Office and walked forth into the streets; Martin feeling +doubtful whether he ought to kick the colonel for having presumed to +speak to him, or whether it came within the bounds of possibility +that he and his establishment could be among the boasted usages of +that regenerated land. + +It was clear that Colonel Diver, in the security of his strong +position, and in his perfect understanding of the public sentiment, +cared very little what Martin or anybody else thought about him. +His high-spiced wares were made to sell, and they sold; and his +thousands of readers could as rationally charge their delight in +filth upon him, as a glutton can shift upon his cook the +responsibility of his beastly excess. Nothing would have delighted +the colonel more than to be told that no such man as he could walk +in high success the streets of any other country in the world; for +that would only have been a logical assurance to him of the correct +adaptation of his labours to the prevailing taste, and of his being +strictly and peculiarly a national feature of America. + +They walked a mile or more along a handsome street which the colonel +said was called Broadway, and which Mr Jefferson Brick said 'whipped +the universe.' Turning, at length, into one of the numerous streets +which branched from this main thoroughfare, they stopped before a +rather mean-looking house with jalousie blinds to every window; a +flight of steps before the green street-door; a shining white +ornament on the rails on either side like a petrified pineapple, +polished; a little oblong plate of the same material over the +knocker whereon the name of 'Pawkins' was engraved; and four +accidental pigs looking down the area. + +The colonel knocked at this house with the air of a man who lived +there; and an Irish girl popped her head out of one of the top +windows to see who it was. Pending her journey downstairs, the +pigs were joined by two or three friends from the next street, in +company with whom they lay down sociably in the gutter. + +'Is the major indoors?' inquired the colonel, as he entered. + +'Is it the master, sir?' returned the girl, with a hesitation which +seemed to imply that they were rather flush of majors in that +establishment. + +'The master!' said Colonel Diver, stopping short and looking round +at his war correspondent. + +'Oh! The depressing institutions of that British empire, colonel!' +said Jefferson Brick. 'Master!' + +'What's the matter with the word?' asked Martin. + +'I should hope it was never heard in our country, sir; that's all,' +said Jefferson Brick; 'except when it is used by some degraded Help, +as new to the blessings of our form of government, as this Help is. +There are no masters here.' + +'All "owners," are they?' said Martin. + +Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal's footsteps without +returning any answer. Martin took the same course, thinking as he +went, that perhaps the free and independent citizens, who in their +moral elevation, owned the colonel for their master, might render +better homage to the goddess, Liberty, in nightly dreams upon the +oven of a Russian Serf. + +The colonel led the way into a room at the back of the house upon +the ground-floor, light, and of fair dimensions, but exquisitely +uncomfortable; having nothing in it but the four cold white walls +and ceiling, a mean carpet, a dreary waste of dining-table reaching +from end to end, and a bewildering collection of cane-bottomed +chairs. In the further region of this banqueting-hall was a stove, +garnished on either side with a great brass spittoon, and shaped in +itself like three little iron barrels set up on end in a fender, and +joined together on the principle of the Siamese Twins. Before it, +swinging himself in a rocking-chair, lounged a large gentleman with +his hat on, who amused himself by spitting alternately into the +spittoon on the right hand of the stove, and the spittoon on the +left, and then working his way back again in the same order. A +negro lad in a soiled white jacket was busily engaged in placing on +the table two long rows of knives and forks, relieved at intervals +by jugs of water; and as he travelled down one side of this festive +board, he straightened with his dirty hands the dirtier cloth, which +was all askew, and had not been removed since breakfast. The +atmosphere of this room was rendered intensely hot and stifling by +the stove; but being further flavoured by a sickly gush of soup from +the kitchen, and by such remote suggestions of tobacco as lingered +within the brazen receptacles already mentioned, it became, to a +stranger's senses, almost insupportable. + +The gentleman in the rocking-chair having his back towards them, and +being much engaged in his intellectual pastime, was not aware of +their approach until the colonel, walking up to the stove, +contributed his mite towards the support of the left-hand spittoon, +just as the major--for it was the major--bore down upon it. Major +Pawkins then reserved his fire, and looking upward, said, with a +peculiar air of quiet weariness, like a man who had been up all +night--an air which Martin had already observed both in the colonel +and Mr Jefferson Brick-- + +'Well, colonel!' + +'Here is a gentleman from England, major,' the colonel replied, 'who +has concluded to locate himself here if the amount of compensation +suits him.' + +'I am glad to see you, sir,' observed the major, shaking hands with +Martin, and not moving a muscle of his face. 'You are pretty +bright, I hope?' + +'Never better,' said Martin. + +'You are never likely to be,' returned the major. 'You will see the +sun shine HERE.' + +'I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,' said +Martin, smiling. + +'I think not,' replied the major. He said so with a stoical +indifference certainly, but still in a tone of firmness which +admitted of no further dispute on that point. When he had thus +settled the question, he put his hat a little on one side for the +greater convenience of scratching his head, and saluted Mr Jefferson +Brick with a lazy nod. + +Major Pawkins (a gentleman of Pennsylvanian origin) was +distinguished by a very large skull, and a great mass of yellow +forehead; in deference to which commodities it was currently held in +bar-rooms and other such places of resort that the major was a man +of huge sagacity. He was further to be known by a heavy eye and a +dull slow manner; and for being a man of that kind who--mentally +speaking--requires a deal of room to turn himself in. But, in +trading on his stock of wisdom, he invariably proceeded on the +principle of putting all the goods he had (and more) into his +window; and that went a great way with his constituency of admirers. +It went a great way, perhaps, with Mr Jefferson Brick, who took +occasion to whisper in Martin's ear: + +'One of the most remarkable men in our country, sir!' + +It must not be supposed, however, that the perpetual exhibition in +the market-place of all his stock-in-trade for sale or hire, was the +major's sole claim to a very large share of sympathy and support. +He was a great politician; and the one article of his creed, in +reference to all public obligations involving the good faith and +integrity of his country, was, 'run a moist pen slick through +everything, and start fresh.' This made him a patriot. In +commercial affairs he was a bold speculator. In plainer words he +had a most distinguished genius for swindling, and could start a +bank, or negotiate a loan, or form a land-jobbing company (entailing +ruin, pestilence, and death, on hundreds of families), with any +gifted creature in the Union. This made him an admirable man of +business. He could hang about a bar-room, discussing the affairs of +the nation, for twelve hours together; and in that time could hold +forth with more intolerable dulness, chew more tobacco, smoke more +tobacco, drink more rum-toddy, mint-julep, gin-sling, and cocktail, +than any private gentleman of his acquaintance. This made him an +orator and a man of the people. In a word, the major was a rising +character, and a popular character, and was in a fair way to be sent +by the popular party to the State House of New York, if not in the +end to Washington itself. But as a man's private prosperity does +not always keep pace with his patriotic devotion to public affairs; +and as fraudulent transactions have their downs as well as ups, the +major was occasionally under a cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins +kept a boarding-house, and Major Pawkins rather 'loafed' his time +away than otherwise. + +'You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great +commercial depression,' said the major. + +'At an alarming crisis,' said the colonel. + +'At a period of unprecedented stagnation,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. + +'I am sorry to hear that,' returned Martin. 'It's not likely to +last, I hope?' + +Martin knew nothing about America, or he would have known perfectly +well that if its individual citizens, to a man, are to be believed, +it always IS depressed, and always IS stagnated, and always IS at an +alarming crisis, and never was otherwise; though as a body they are +ready to make oath upon the Evangelists at any hour of the day or +night, that it is the most thriving and prosperous of all countries +on the habitable globe. + +'It's not likely to last, I hope?' said Martin. + +'Well!' returned the major, 'I expect we shall get along somehow, +and come right in the end.' + +'We are an elastic country,' said the Rowdy Journal. + +'We are a young lion,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. + +'We have revivifying and vigorous principles within ourselves,' +observed the major. 'Shall we drink a bitter afore dinner, +colonel?' + +The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major +Pawkins proposed an adjournment to a neighbouring bar-room, which, +as he observed, was 'only in the next block.' He then referred +Martin to Mrs Pawkins for all particulars connected with the rate of +board and lodging, and informed him that he would have the pleasure +of seeing that lady at dinner, which would soon be ready, as the +dinner hour was two o'clock, and it only wanted a quarter now. This +reminded him that if the bitter were to be taken at all, there was +no time to lose; so he walked off without more ado, and left them to +follow if they thought proper. + +When the major rose from his rocking-chair before the stove, and so +disturbed the hot air and balmy whiff of soup which fanned their +brows, the odour of stale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as +to leave no doubt of its proceeding mainly from that gentleman's +attire. Indeed, as Martin walked behind him to the bar-room, he +could not help thinking that the great square major, in his +listlessness and langour, looked very much like a stale weed himself; +such as might be hoed out of the public garden, with great advantage +to the decent growth of that preserve, and tossed on some congenial +dunghill. + +They encountered more weeds in the bar-room, some of whom (being +thirsty souls as well as dirty) were pretty stale in one sense, and +pretty fresh in another. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin +gathered from the conversation that took place over the bitter, +started that afternoon for the Far West on a six months' business +tour, and who, as his outfit and equipment for this journey, had +just such another shiny hat and just such another little pale valise +as had composed the luggage of the gentleman who came from England +in the Screw. + +They were walking back very leisurely; Martin arm-in-arm with Mr +Jefferson Brick, and the major and the colonel side-by-side before +them; when, as they came within a house or two of the major's +residence, they heard a bell ringing violently. The instant this +sound struck upon their ears, the colonel and the major darted off, +dashed up the steps and in at the street-door (which stood ajar) +like lunatics; while Mr Jefferson Brick, detaching his arm from +Martin's, made a precipitate dive in the same direction, and +vanished also. + +'Good Heaven!' thought Martin. 'The premises are on fire! It was an +alarm bell!' + +But there was no smoke to be seen, nor any flame, nor was there any +smell of fire. As Martin faltered on the pavement, three more +gentlemen, with horror and agitation depicted in their faces, came +plunging wildly round the street corner; jostled each other on the +steps; struggled for an instant; and rushed into the house, a +confused heap of arms and legs. Unable to bear it any longer, +Martin followed. Even in his rapid progress he was run down, thrust +aside, and passed, by two more gentlemen, stark mad, as it appeared, +with fierce excitement. + +'Where is it?' cried Martin, breathlessly, to a negro whom he +encountered in the passage. + +'In a eatin room, sa. Kernell, sa, him kep a seat 'side himself, +sa.' + +'A seat!' cried Martin. + +'For a dinnar, sa.' + +Martin started at him for a moment, and burst into a hearty laugh; +to which the negro, out of his natural good humour and desire to +please, so heartily responded, that his teeth shone like a gleam of +light. 'You're the pleasantest fellow I have seen yet,' said Martin +clapping him on the back, 'and give me a better appetite than +bitters.' + +With this sentiment he walked into the dining-room and slipped into +a chair next the colonel, which that gentleman (by this time nearly +through his dinner) had turned down in reserve for him, with its +back against the table. + +It was a numerous company--eighteen or twenty perhaps. Of these +some five or six were ladies, who sat wedged together in a little +phalanx by themselves. All the knives and forks were working away +at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and +everybody seemed to eat his utmost in self-defence, as if a famine +were expected to set in before breakfast time to-morrow morning, and +it had become high time to assert the first law of nature. The +poultry, which may perhaps be considered to have formed the staple +of the entertainment--for there was a turkey at the top, a pair of +ducks at the bottom, and two fowls in the middle--disappeared as +rapidly as if every bird had had the use of its wings, and had flown +in desperation down a human throat. The oysters, stewed and +pickled, leaped from their capacious reservoirs, and slid by scores +into the mouths of the assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished, +whole cucumbers at once, like sugar-plums, and no man winked his +eye. Great heaps of indigestible matter melted away as ice before +the sun. It was a solemn and an awful thing to see. Dyspeptic +individuals bolted their food in wedges; feeding, not themselves, +but broods of nightmares, who were continually standing at livery +within them. Spare men, with lank and rigid cheeks, came out +unsatisfied from the destruction of heavy dishes, and glared with +watchful eyes upon the pastry. What Mrs Pawkins felt each day at +dinner-time is hidden from all human knowledge. But she had one +comfort. It was very soon over. + +When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place +while Martin, who had sent his plate for some turkey, was waiting to +begin, he asked him what he thought of the boarders, who were from +all parts of the Union, and whether he would like to know any +particulars concerning them. + +'Pray,' said Martin, 'who is that sickly little girl opposite, with +the tight round eyes? I don't see anybody here, who looks like her +mother, or who seems to have charge of her.' + +'Do you mean the matron in blue, sir?' asked the colonel, with +emphasis. 'That is Mrs Jefferson Brick, sir.' + +'No, no,' said Martin, 'I mean the little girl, like a doll; +directly opposite.' + +'Well, sir!' cried the colonel. 'THAT is Mrs Jefferson Brick.' + +Martin glanced at the colonel's face, but he was quite serious. + +'Bless my soul! I suppose there will be a young Brick then, one of +these days?' said Martin. + +'There are two young Bricks already, sir,' returned the colonel. + +The matron looked so uncommonly like a child herself, that Martin +could not help saying as much. 'Yes, sir,' returned the colonel, +'but some institutions develop human natur; others re--tard it.' + +'Jefferson Brick,' he observed after a short silence, in +commendation of his correspondent, 'is one of the most remarkable +men in our country, sir!' + +This had passed almost in a whisper, for the distinguished gentleman +alluded to sat on Martin's other hand. + +'Pray, Mr Brick,' said Martin, turning to him, and asking a question +more for conversation's sake than from any feeling of interest in +its subject, 'who is that;' he was going to say 'young' but thought +it prudent to eschew the word--'that very short gentleman yonder, +with the red nose?' + +'That is Pro--fessor Mullit, sir,' replied Jefferson. + +'May I ask what he is professor of?' asked Martin. + +'Of education, sir,' said Jefferson Brick. + +'A sort of schoolmaster, possibly?' Martin ventured to observe. + +'He is a man of fine moral elements, sir, and not commonly endowed,' +said the war correspondent. 'He felt it necessary, at the last +election for President, to repudiate and denounce his father, who +voted on the wrong interest. He has since written some powerful +pamphlets, under the signature of "Suturb," or Brutus reversed. He +is one of the most remarkable men in our country, sir.' + +'There seem to be plenty of 'em,' thought Martin, 'at any rate.' + +Pursuing his inquiries Martin found that there were no fewer than +four majors present, two colonels, one general, and a captain, so +that he could not help thinking how strongly officered the American +militia must be; and wondering very much whether the officers +commanded each other; or if they did not, where on earth the +privates came from. There seemed to be no man there without a +title; for those who had not attained to military honours were +either doctors, professors, or reverends. Three very hard and +disagreeable gentlemen were on missions from neighbouring States; +one on monetary affairs, one on political, one on sectarian. Among +the ladies, there were Mrs Pawkins, who was very straight, bony, and +silent; and a wiry-faced old damsel, who held strong sentiments +touching the rights of women, and had diffused the same in lectures; +but the rest were strangely devoid of individual traits of +character, insomuch that any one of them might have changed minds +with the other, and nobody would have found it out. These, by the +way, were the only members of the party who did not appear to be +among the most remarkable people in the country. + +Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as they +swallowed their last morsel; pausing generally by the stove for a +minute or so to refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few +sedentary characters, however, remained at table full a quarter of +an hour, and did not rise until the ladies rose, when all stood up. + +'Where are they going?' asked Martin, in the ear of Mr Jefferson +Brick. + +'To their bedrooms, sir.' + +'Is there no dessert, or other interval of conversation?' asked +Martin, who was disposed to enjoy himself after his long voyage. + +'We are a busy people here, sir, and have no time for that,' was the +reply. + +So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such +other married gentlemen as were left, acknowledging the departure of +their other halves by a nod; and there was an end of THEM. Martin +thought this an uncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to +himself for the present, being anxious to hear, and inform himself +by, the conversation of the busy gentlemen, who now lounged about the +stove as if a great weight had been taken off their minds by the +withdrawal of the other sex; and who made a plentiful use of the +spittoons and their toothpicks. + +It was rather barren of interest, to say the truth; and the greater +part of it may be summed up in one word. Dollars. All their cares, +hopes, joys, affections, virtues, and associations, seemed to be +melted down into dollars. Whatever the chance contributions that +fell into the slow cauldron of their talk, they made the gruel thick +and slab with dollars. Men were weighed by their dollars, measures +gauged by their dollars; life was auctioneered, appraised, put up, +and knocked down for its dollars. The next respectable thing to +dollars was any venture having their attainment for its end. The +more of that worthless ballast, honour and fair-dealing, which any +man cast overboard from the ship of his Good Name and Good Intent, +the more ample stowage-room he had for dollars. Make commerce one +huge lie and mighty theft. Deface the banner of the nation for an +idle rag; pollute it star by star; and cut out stripe by stripe as +from the arm of a degraded soldier. Do anything for dollars! What +is a flag to THEM! + +One who rides at all hazards of limb and life in the chase of a fox, +will prefer to ride recklessly at most times. So it was with these +gentlemen. He was the greatest patriot, in their eyes, who brawled +the loudest, and who cared the least for decency. He was their +champion who, in the brutal fury of his own pursuit, could cast no +stigma upon them for the hot knavery of theirs. Thus, Martin learned +in the five minutes' straggling talk about the stove, that to carry +pistols into legislative assemblies, and swords in sticks, and other +such peaceful toys; to seize opponents by the throat, as dogs or +rats might do; to bluster, bully, and overbear by personal +assailment; were glowing deeds. Not thrusts and stabs at Freedom, +striking far deeper into her House of Life than any sultan's +scimitar could reach; but rare incense on her altars, having a +grateful scent in patriotic nostrils, and curling upward to the +seventh heaven of Fame. + +Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions +as naturally occurred to him, being a stranger, about the national +poets, the theatre, literature, and the arts. But the information +which these gentlemen were in a condition to give him on such +topics, did not extend beyond the effusions of such master-spirits +of the time as Colonel Diver, Mr Jefferson Brick, and others; +renowned, as it appeared, for excellence in the achievement of a +peculiar style of broadside essay called 'a screamer.' + +'We are a busy people, sir,' said one of the captains, who was from +the West, 'and have no time for reading mere notions. We don't mind +'em if they come to us in newspapers along with almighty strong +stuff of another sort, but darn your books.' + +Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare +thought of reading anything which was neither mercantile nor +political, and was not in a newspaper, inquired 'if any gentleman +would drink some?' Most of the company, considering this a very +choice and seasonable idea, lounged out, one by one, to the bar-room +in the next block. Thence they probably went to their stores and +counting-houses; thence to the bar-room again, to talk once more of +dollars, and enlarge their minds with the perusal and discussion of +screamers; and thence each man to snore in the bosom of his own +family. + +'Which would seem,' said Martin, pursuing the current of his own +thoughts, 'to be the principal recreation they enjoy in common.' +With that, he fell a-musing again on dollars, demagogues, and bar- +rooms; debating within himself whether busy people of this class +were really as busy as they claimed to be, or only had an inaptitude +for social and domestic pleasure. + +It was a difficult question to solve; and the mere fact of its being +strongly presented to his mind by all that he had seen and heard, +was not encouraging. He sat down at the deserted board, and +becoming more and more despondent, as he thought of all the +uncertainties and difficulties of his precarious situation, sighed +heavily. + +Now, there had been at the dinner-table a middle-aged man with a +dark eye and a sunburnt face, who had attracted Martin's attention +by having something very engaging and honest in the expression of +his features; but of whom he could learn nothing from either of his +neighbours, who seemed to consider him quite beneath their notice. +He had taken no part in the conversation round the stove, nor had he +gone forth with the rest; and now, when he heard Martin sigh for the +third or fourth time, he interposed with some casual remark, as if +he desired, without obtruding himself upon a stranger's notice, to +engage him in cheerful conversation if he could. His motive was so +obvious, and yet so delicately expressed, that Martin felt really +grateful to him, and showed him so in the manner of his reply. + +'I will not ask you,' said this gentleman with a smile, as he rose +and moved towards him, 'how you like my country, for I can quite +anticipate your feeling on that point. But, as I am an American, +and consequently bound to begin with a question, I'll ask you how +you like the colonel?' + +'You are so very frank,' returned Martin, 'that I have no hesitation +in saying I don't like him at all. Though I must add that I am +beholden to him for his civility in bringing me here--and arranging +for my stay, on pretty reasonable terms, by the way,' he added, +remembering that the colonel had whispered him to that effect, +before going out. + +'Not much beholden,' said the stranger drily. 'The colonel +occasionally boards packet-ships, I have heard, to glean the latest +information for his journal; and he occasionally brings strangers to +board here, I believe, with a view to the little percentage which +attaches to those good offices; and which the hostess deducts from +his weekly bill. I don't offend you, I hope?' he added, seeing that +Martin reddened. + +'My dear sir,' returned Martin, as they shook hands, 'how is that +possible! to tell you the truth, I--am--' + +'Yes?' said the gentleman, sitting down beside him. + +'I am rather at a loss, since I must speak plainly,' said Martin, +getting the better of his hesitation, 'to know how this colonel +escapes being beaten.' + +'Well! He has been beaten once or twice,' remarked the gentleman +quietly. 'He is one of a class of men, in whom our own Franklin, so +long ago as ten years before the close of the last century, foresaw +our danger and disgrace. Perhaps you don't know that Franklin, in +very severe terms, published his opinion that those who were +slandered by such fellows as this colonel, having no sufficient +remedy in the administration of this country's laws or in the decent +and right-minded feeling of its people, were justified in retorting +on such public nuisances by means of a stout cudgel?' + +'I was not aware of that,' said Martin, 'but I am very glad to know +it, and I think it worthy of his memory; especially'--here he +hesitated again. + +'Go on,' said the other, smiling as if he knew what stuck in +Martin's throat. + +'Especially,' pursued Martin, 'as I can already understand that it +may have required great courage, even in his time, to write freely +on any question which was not a party one in this very free +country.' + +'Some courage, no doubt,' returned his new friend. 'Do you think it +would require any to do so, now?' + +'Indeed I think it would; and not a little,' said Martin. + +'You are right. So very right, that I believe no satirist could +breathe this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could rise up among +us to-morrow, he would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of +our literature, and can give me the name of any man, American born +and bred, who has anatomized our follies as a people, and not as +this or that party; and who has escaped the foulest and most brutal +slander, the most inveterate hatred and intolerant pursuit; it will +be a strange name in my ears, believe me. In some cases I could +name to you, where a native writer has ventured on the most harmless +and good-humoured illustrations of our vices or defects, it has been +found necessary to announce, that in a second edition the passage +has been expunged, or altered, or explained away, or patched into +praise.' + +'And how has this been brought about?' asked Martin, in dismay. + +'Think of what you have seen and heard to-day, beginning with the +colonel,' said his friend, 'and ask yourself. How THEY came about, +is another question. Heaven forbid that they should be samples of +the intelligence and virtue of America, but they come uppermost, and +in great numbers, and too often represent it. Will you walk?' + +There was a cordial candour in his manner, and an engaging +confidence that it would not be abused; a manly bearing on his own +part, and a simple reliance on the manly faith of a stranger; which +Martin had never seen before. He linked his arm readily in that of +the American gentleman, and they walked out together. + +It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller +of honoured name, who trod those shores now nearly forty years ago, +and woke upon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and +stains upon its high pretensions, which in the brightness of his +distant dreams were lost to view, appealed in these words-- + + + 'Oh, but for such, Columbia's days were done; + Rank without ripeness, quickened without sun, + Crude at the surface, rotten at the core, + Her fruits would fall before her spring were o'er!' + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN + +MARTIN ENLARGES HIS CIRCLE OF AQUAINTANCE; INCREASES HIS STOCK OF +WISDOM; AND HAS AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY OF COMPARING HIS OWN +EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE OF LUMMY NED OF THE LIGHT SALISBURY, AS +RELATED BY HIS FRIEND MR WILLIAM SIMMONS + + +It was characteristic of Martin, that all this while he had either +forgotten Mark Tapley as completely as if there had been no such +person in existence, or, if for a moment the figure of that +gentleman rose before his mental vision, had dismissed it as +something by no means of a pressing nature, which might be attended +to by-and-bye, and could wait his perfect leisure. But, being now +in the streets again, it occurred to him as just coming within the +bare limits of possibility that Mr Tapley might, in course of time, +grow tired of waiting on the threshold of the Rowdy Journal Office, +so he intimated to his new friend, that if they could conveniently +walk in that direction, he would be glad to get this piece of +business off his mind. + +'And speaking of business,' said Martin, 'may I ask, in order that I +may not be behind-hand with questions either, whether your +occupation holds you to this city, or like myself, you are a visitor +here?' + +'A visitor,' replied his friend. 'I was "raised" in the State of +Massachusetts, and reside there still. My home is in a quiet +country town. I am not often in these busy places; and my +inclination to visit them does not increase with our better +acquaintance, I assure you.' + +'You have been abroad?' asked Martin, + +'Oh yes.' + +'And, like most people who travel, have become more than ever +attached to your home and native country,' said Martin, eyeing him +curiously. + +'To my home--yes,' rejoined his friend. 'To my native country AS my +home--yes, also.' + +'You imply some reservation,' said Martin. + +'Well,' returned his new friend, 'if you ask me whether I came back +here with a greater relish for my country's faults; with a greater +fondness for those who claim (at the rate of so many dollars a day) +to be her friends; with a cooler indifference to the growth of +principles among us in respect of public matters and of private +dealings between man and man, the advocacy of which, beyond the foul +atmosphere of a criminal trial, would disgrace your own old Bailey +lawyers; why, then I answer plainly, No.' + +'Oh!' said Martin; in so exactly the same key as his friend's No, +that it sounded like an echo. + +'If you ask me,' his companion pursued, 'whether I came back here +better satisfied with a state of things which broadly divides +society into two classes--whereof one, the great mass, asserts a +spurious independence, most miserably dependent for its mean +existence on the disregard of humanizing conventionalities of manner +and social custom, so that the coarser a man is, the more distinctly +it shall appeal to his taste; while the other, disgusted with the +low standard thus set up and made adaptable to everything, takes +refuge among the graces and refinements it can bring to bear on +private life, and leaves the public weal to such fortune as may +betide it in the press and uproar of a general scramble--then again +I answer, No.' + +And again Martin said 'Oh!' in the same odd way as before, being +anxious and disconcerted; not so much, to say the truth, on public +grounds, as with reference to the fading prospects of domestic +architecture. + +'In a word,' resumed the other, 'I do not find and cannot believe +and therefore will not allow, that we are a model of wisdom, and an +example to the world, and the perfection of human reason, and a +great deal more to the same purpose, which you may hear any hour in +the day; simply because we began our political life with two +inestimable advantages.' + +'What were they?' asked Martin. + +'One, that our history commenced at so late a period as to escape +the ages of bloodshed and cruelty through which other nations have +passed; and so had all the light of their probation, and none of its +darkness. The other, that we have a vast territory, and not--as +yet--too many people on it. These facts considered, we have done +little enough, I think.' + +'Education?' suggested Martin, faintly. + +'Pretty well on that head,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders, +'still no mighty matter to boast of; for old countries, and despotic +countries too, have done as much, if not more, and made less noise +about it. We shine out brightly in comparison with England, +certainly; but hers is a very extreme case. You complimented me on +my frankness, you know,' he added, laughing. + +'Oh! I am not at all astonished at your speaking thus openly when my +country is in question,' returned Martin. 'It is your plain- +speaking in reference to your own that surprises me.' + +'You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving +among the Colonel Divers, and Jefferson Bricks, and Major Pawkinses; +though the best of us are something like the man in Goldsmith's +comedy, who wouldn't suffer anybody but himself to abuse his master. +Come!' he added. 'Let us talk of something else. You have come +here on some design of improving your fortune, I dare say; and I +should grieve to put you out of heart. I am some years older than +you, besides; and may, on a few trivial points, advise you, perhaps.' + +There was not the least curiosity or impertinence in the manner of +this offer, which was open-hearted, unaffected, and good-natured. +As it was next to impossible that he should not have his confidence +awakened by a deportment so prepossessing and kind, Martin plainly +stated what had brought him into those parts, and even made the very +difficult avowal that he was poor. He did not say how poor, it must +be admitted, rather throwing off the declaration with an air which +might have implied that he had money enough for six months, instead +of as many weeks; but poor he said he was, and grateful he said he +would be, for any counsel that his friend would give him. + +It would not have been very difficult for any one to see; but it was +particularly easy for Martin, whose perceptions were sharpened by +his circumstances, to discern; that the stranger's face grew +infinitely longer as the domestic-architecture project was +developed. Nor, although he made a great effort to be as +encouraging as possible, could he prevent his head from shaking once +involuntarily, as if it said in the vulgar tongue, upon its own +account, 'No go!' But he spoke in a cheerful tone, and said, that +although there was no such opening as Martin wished, in that city, +he would make it matter of immediate consideration and inquiry where +one was most likely to exist; and then he made Martin acquainted +with his name, which was Bevan; and with his profession, which was +physic, though he seldom or never practiced; and with other +circumstances connected with himself and family, which fully +occupied the time, until they reached the Rowdy Journal Office. + +Mr Tapley appeared to be taking his ease on the landing of the first +floor; for sounds as of some gentleman established in that region +whistling 'Rule Britannia' with all his might and main, greeted +their ears before they reached the house. On ascending to the spot +from whence this music proceeded, they found him recumbent in the +midst of a fortification of luggage, apparently performing his +national anthem for the gratification of a grey-haired black man, +who sat on one of the outworks (a portmanteau), staring intently at +Mark, while Mark, with his head reclining on his hand, returned the +compliment in a thoughtful manner, and whistled all the time. He +seemed to have recently dined, for his knife, a casebottle, and +certain broken meats in a handkerchief, lay near at hand. He had +employed a portion of his leisure in the decoration of the Rowdy +Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in letters +nearly half a foot long, together with the day of the month in +smaller type; the whole surrounded by an ornamental border, and +looking very fresh and bold. + +'I was a'most afraid you was lost, sir!' cried Mark, rising, and +stopping the tune at that point where Britons generally are supposed +to declare (when it is whistled) that they never, never, never-- + +'Nothing gone wrong, I hope, sir?' + +'No, Mark. Where's your friend?' + +'The mad woman, sir?' said Mr Tapley. 'Oh! she's all right, sir.' + +'Did she find her husband?' + +'Yes, sir. Leastways she's found his remains,' said Mark, +correcting himself. + +'The man's not dead, I hope?' + +'Not altogether dead, sir,' returned Mark; 'but he's had more fevers +and agues than is quite reconcilable with being alive. When she +didn't see him a-waiting for her, I thought she'd have died herself, +I did!' + +'Was he not here, then?' + +'HE wasn't here. There was a feeble old shadow come a-creeping down +at last, as much like his substance when she know'd him, as your +shadow when it's drawn out to its very finest and longest by the +sun, is like you. But it was his remains, there's no doubt about +that. She took on with joy, poor thing, as much as if it had been +all of him!' + +'Had he bought land?' asked Mr Bevan. + +'Ah! He'd bought land,' said Mark, shaking his head, 'and paid for +it too. Every sort of nateral advantage was connected with it, the +agents said; and there certainly was ONE, quite unlimited. No end +to the water!' + +'It's a thing he couldn't have done without, I suppose,' observed +Martin, peevishly. + +'Certainly not, sir. There it was, any way; always turned on, and +no water-rate. Independent of three or four slimy old rivers close +by, it varied on the farm from four to six foot deep in the dry +season. He couldn't say how deep it was in the rainy time, for he +never had anything long enough to sound it with.' + +'Is this true?' asked Martin of his companion. + +'Extremely probable,' he answered. 'Some Mississippi or Missouri +lot, I dare say.' + +'However,' pursued Mark, 'he came from I-don't-know-where-and-all, +down to New York here, to meet his wife and children; and they +started off again in a steamboat this blessed afternoon, as happy +to be along with each other as if they were going to Heaven. I +should think they was, pretty straight, if I may judge from the poor +man's looks.' + +'And may I ask,' said Martin, glancing, but not with any +displeasure, from Mark to the negro, 'who this gentleman is? +Another friend of yours?' + +'Why sir,' returned Mark, taking him aside, and speaking +confidentially in his ear, 'he's a man of colour, sir!' + +'Do you take me for a blind man,' asked Martin, somewhat +impatiently, 'that you think it necessary to tell me that, when his +face is the blackest that ever was seen?' + +'No, no; when I say a man of colour,' returned Mark, 'I mean that +he's been one of them as there's picters of in the shops. A man and +a brother, you know, sir,' said Mr Tapley, favouring his master with +a significant indication of the figure so often represented in +tracts and cheap prints. + +'A slave!' cried Martin, in a whisper. + +'Ah!' said Mark in the same tone. 'Nothing else. A slave. Why, +when that there man was young--don't look at him while I'm a-telling +it--he was shot in the leg; gashed in the arm; scored in his live +limbs, like crimped fish; beaten out of shape; had his neck galled +with an iron collar, and wore iron rings upon his wrists and ankles. +The marks are on him to this day. When I was having my dinner just +now, he stripped off his coat, and took away my appetite.' + +'Is THIS true?' asked Martin of his friend, who stood beside them. + +'I have no reason to doubt it,' he answered, shaking his head 'It +very often is.' + +'Bless you,' said Mark, 'I know it is, from hearing his whole story. +That master died; so did his second master from having his head cut +open with a hatchet by another slave, who, when he'd done it, went +and drowned himself; then he got a better one; in years and years +he saved up a little money, and bought his freedom, which he got +pretty cheap at last, on account of his strength being nearly gone, +and he being ill. Then he come here. And now he's a-saving up to +treat himself, afore he dies, to one small purchase--it's nothing to +speak of. Only his own daughter; that's all!' cried Mr Tapley, +becoming excited. 'Liberty for ever! Hurrah! Hail, Columbia!' + +'Hush!' cried Martin, clapping his hand upon his mouth; 'and don't +be an idiot. What is he doing here?' + +'Waiting to take our luggage off upon a truck,' said Mark. 'He'd +have come for it by-and-bye, but I engaged him for a very reasonable +charge (out of my own pocket) to sit along with me and make me +jolly; and I am jolly; and if I was rich enough to contract with him +to wait upon me once a day, to be looked at, I'd never be anything +else.' + +The fact may cause a solemn impeachment of Mark's veracity, but it +must be admitted nevertheless, that there was that in his face and +manner at the moment, which militated strongly against this emphatic +declaration of his state of mind. + +'Lord love you, sir,' he added, 'they're so fond of Liberty in this +part of the globe, that they buy her and sell her and carry her to +market with 'em. They've such a passion for Liberty, that they +can't help taking liberties with her. That's what it's owing to.' + +'Very well,' said Martin, wishing to change the theme. 'Having come +to that conclusion, Mark, perhaps you'll attend to me. The place to +which the luggage is to go is printed on this card. Mrs Pawkins's +Boarding House.' + +'Mrs Pawkins's boarding-house,' repeated Mark. 'Now, Cicero.' + +'Is that his name?' asked Martin + +'That's his name, sir,' rejoined Mark. And the negro grinning +assent from under a leathern portmanteau, than which his own face +was many shades deeper, hobbled downstairs with his portion of +their worldly goods; Mark Tapley having already gone before with his +share. + +Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were +about to pursue their walk, when the latter stopped, and asked, with +some hesitation, whether that young man was to be trusted? + +'Mark! oh certainly! with anything.' + +'You don't understand me--I think he had better go with us. He is +an honest fellow, and speaks his mind so very plainly.' + +'Why, the fact is,' said Martin, smiling, 'that being unaccustomed +to a free republic, he is used to do so.' + +'I think he had better go with us,' returned the other. 'He may get +into some trouble otherwise. This is not a slave State; but I am +ashamed to say that a spirit of Tolerance is not so common anywhere +in these latitudes as the form. We are not remarkable for behaving +very temperately to each other when we differ; but to strangers! +no, I really think he had better go with us.' + +Martin called to him immediately to be of their party; so Cicero and +the truck went one way, and they three went another. + +They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from +the best points of view, and pausing in the principal streets, and +before such public buildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then +coming on apace, Martin proposed that they should adjourn to Mrs +Pawkins's establishment for coffee; but in this he was overruled by +his new acquaintance, who seemed to have set his heart on carrying +him, though it were only for an hour, to the house of a friend of +his who lived hard by. Feeling (however disinclined he was, being +weary) that it would be in bad taste, and not very gracious, to +object that he was unintroduced, when this open-hearted gentleman +was so ready to be his sponsor, Martin--for once in his life, at all +events--sacrificed his own will and pleasure to the wishes of +another, and consented with a fair grace. So travelling had done +him that much good, already. + +Mr Bevan knocked at the door of a very neat house of moderate size, +from the parlour windows of which, lights were shining brightly into +the now dark street. It was quickly opened by a man with such a +thoroughly Irish face, that it seemed as if he ought, as a matter of +right and principle, to be in rags, and could have no sort of +business to be looking cheerfully at anybody out of a whole suit of +clothes. + +Commending Mark to the care of this phenomenon--for such he may be +said to have been in Martin's eyes--Mr Bevan led the way into the +room which had shed its cheerfulness upon the street, to whose +occupants he introduced Mr Chuzzlewit as a gentleman from England, +whose acquaintance he had recently had the pleasure to make. They +gave him welcome in all courtesy and politeness; and in less than +five minutes' time he found himself sitting very much at his ease by +the fireside, and becoming vastly well acquainted with the whole +family. + +There were two young ladies--one eighteen; the other twenty--both +very slender, but very pretty; their mother, who looked, as Martin +thought much older and more faded than she ought to have looked; and +their grandmother, a little sharp-eyed, quick old woman, who seemed +to have got past that stage, and to have come all right again. +Besides these, there were the young ladies' father, and the young +ladies' brother; the first engaged in mercantile affairs; the +second, a student at college; both, in a certain cordiality of +manner, like his own friend, and not unlike him in face. Which was +no great wonder, for it soon appeared that he was their near +relation. Martin could not help tracing the family pedigree from +the two young ladies, because they were foremost in his thoughts; +not only from being, as aforesaid, very pretty, but by reason of +their wearing miraculously small shoes, and the thinnest possible +silk stockings; the which their rocking-chairs developed to a +distracting extent. + +There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance +to be sitting in a snug, well-furnished room, warmed by a cheerful +fire, and full of various pleasant decorations, including four small +shoes, and the like amount of silk stockings, and--yes, why not?--the +feet and legs therein enshrined. And there is no doubt that Martin +was monstrous well-disposed to regard his position in that light, +after his recent experience of the Screw, and of Mrs Pawkins's +boarding-house. The consequence was that he made himself very +agreeable indeed; and by the time the tea and coffee arrived (with +sweet preserves, and cunning tea-cakes in its train), was in a +highly genial state, and much esteemed by the whole family. + +Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of +tea was drunk. The whole family had been in England. There was a +pleasant thing! But Martin was not quite so glad of this, when he +found that they knew all the great dukes, lords, viscounts, +marquesses, duchesses, knights, and baronets, quite affectionately, +and were beyond everything interested in the least particular +concerning them. However, when they asked, after the wearer of this +or that coronet, and said, 'Was he quite well?' Martin answered, +'Yes, oh yes. Never better;' and when they said, 'his lordship's +mother, the duchess, was she much changed?' Martin said, 'Oh dear +no, they would know her anywhere, if they saw her to-morrow;' and +so got on pretty well. In like manner when the young ladies +questioned him touching the Gold Fish in that Grecian fountain in +such and such a nobleman's conservatory, and whether there were as +many as there used to be, he gravely reported, after mature +consideration, that there must be at least twice as many; and as to +the exotics, 'Oh! well! it was of no use talking about THEM; they +must be seen to be believed;' which improved state of circumstances +reminded the family of the splendour of that brilliant festival +(comprehending the whole British Peerage and Court Calendar) to +which they were specially invited, and which indeed had been partly +given in their honour; and recollections of what Mr Norris the +father had said to the marquess, and of what Mrs Norris the mother +had said to the marchioness, and of what the marquess and +marchioness had both said, when they said that upon their words and +honours they wished Mr Norris the father and Mrs Norris the mother, +and the Misses Norris the daughters, and Mr Norris Junior, the son, +would only take up their permanent residence in England, and give +them the pleasure of their everlasting friendship, occupied a very +considerable time. + +Martin thought it rather stange, and in some sort inconsistent, that +during the whole of these narrations, and in the very meridian of +their enjoyment thereof, both Mr Norris the father, and Mr Norris +Junior, the son (who corresponded, every post, with four members of +the English Peerage), enlarged upon the inestimable advantage of +having no such arbitrary distinctions in that enlightened land, +where there were no noblemen but nature's noblemen, and where all +society was based on one broad level of brotherly love and natural +equality. Indeed, Mr Norris the father gradually expanding into an +oration on this swelling theme, was becoming tedious, when Mr Bevan +diverted his thoughts by happening to make some causal inquiry +relative to the occupier of the next house; in reply to which, this +same Mr Norris the father observed, that 'that person entertained +religious opinions of which he couldn't approve; and therefore he +hadn't the honour of knowing the gentleman.' Mrs Norris the mother +added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying in +words; to wit, that she believed the people were well enough in +their way, but they were not genteel. + +Another little trait came out, which impressed itself on Martin +forcibly. Mr Bevan told them about Mark and the negro, and then it +appeared that all the Norrises were abolitionists. It was a great +relief to hear this, and Martin was so much encouraged on finding +himself in such company, that he expressed his sympathy with the +oppressed and wretched blacks. Now, one of the young ladies--the +prettiest and most delicate--was mightily amused at the earnestness +with which he spoke; and on his craving leave to ask her why, was +quite unable for a time to speak for laughing. As soon however as +she could, she told him that the negroes were such a funny people, +so excessively ludicrous in their manners and appearance, that it +was wholly impossible for those who knew them well, to associate any +serious ideas with such a very absurd part of the creation. Mr +Norris the father, and Mrs Norris the mother, and Miss Norris the +sister, and Mr Norris Junior the brother, and even Mrs Norris Senior +the grandmother, were all of this opinion, and laid it down as an +absolute matter of fact--as if there were nothing in suffering and +slavery, grim enough to cast a solemn air on any human animal; +though it were as ridiculous, physically, as the most grotesque of +apes, or morally, as the mildest Nimrod among tuft-hunting +republicans! + +'In short,' said Mr Norris the father, settling the question +comfortably, 'there is a natural antipathy between the races.' + +'Extending,' said Martin's friend, in a low voice, 'to the cruellest +of tortures, and the bargain and sale of unborn generations.' + +Mr Norris the son said nothing, but he made a wry face, and dusted +his fingers as Hamlet might after getting rid of Yorick's skull; +just as though he had that moment touched a negro, and some of the +black had come off upon his hands. + +In order that their talk might fall again into its former pleasant +channel, Martin dropped the subject, with a shrewd suspicion that it +would be a dangerous theme to revive under the best of +circumstances; and again addressed himself to the young ladies, who +were very gorgeously attired in very beautiful colours, and had +every article of dress on the same extensive scale as the little +shoes and the thin silk stockings. This suggested to him that they +were great proficients in the French fashions, which soon turned out +to be the case, for though their information appeared to be none of +the newest, it was very extensive; and the eldest sister in +particular, who was distinguished by a talent for metaphysics, the +laws of hydraulic pressure, and the rights of human kind, had a +novel way of combining these acquirements and bringing them to bear +on any subject from Millinery to the Millennium, both inclusive, +which was at once improving and remarkable; so much so, in short, +that it was usually observed to reduce foreigners to a state of +temporary insanity in five minutes. + +Martin felt his reason going; and as a means of saving himself, +besought the other sister (seeing a piano in the room) to sing. +With this request she willingly complied; and a bravura concert, +solely sustained by the Misses Noriss, presently began. They sang +in all languages--except their own. German, French, Italian, +Spanish, Portuguese, Swiss; but nothing native; nothing so low as +native. For, in this respect, languages are like many other +travellers--ordinary and commonplace enough at home, but 'specially +genteel abroad. + +There is little doubt that in course of time the Misses Norris would +have come to Hebrew, if they had not been interrupted by an +announcement from the Irishman, who, flinging open the door, cried in +a loud voice-- + +'Jiniral Fladdock!' + +'My!' cried the sisters, desisting suddenly. 'The general come +back!' + +As they made the exclamation, the general, attired in full uniform +for a ball, came darting in with such precipitancy that, hitching +his boot in the carpet, and getting his sword between his legs, he +came down headlong, and presented a curious little bald place on the +crown of his head to the eyes of the astonished company. Nor was +this the worst of it; for being rather corpulent and very tight, the +general being down, could not get up again, but lay there writing +and doing such things with his boots, as there is no other instance +of in military history. + +Of course there was an immediate rush to his assistance; and the +general was promptly raised. But his uniform was so fearfully and +wonderfully made, that he came up stiff and without a bend in him +like a dead Clown, and had no command whatever of himself until he +was put quite flat upon the soles of his feet, when he became +animated as by a miracle, and moving edgewise that he might go in a +narrower compass and be in less danger of fraying the gold lace on +his epaulettes by brushing them against anything, advanced with a +smiling visage to salute the lady of the house. + +To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify +purer delight and joy than at this unlooked-for appearance of +General Fladdock! The general was as warmly received as if New York +had been in a state of siege and no other general was to be got for +love or money. He shook hands with the Norrises three times all +round, and then reviewed them from a little distance as a brave +commander might, with his ample cloak drawn forward over the right +shoulder and thrown back upon the left side to reveal his manly +breast. + +'And do I then,' cried the general, 'once again behold the choicest +spirits of my country!' + +'Yes,' said Mr Norris the father. 'Here we are, general.' + +Then all the Norrises pressed round the general, inquiring how and +where he had been since the date of his letter, and how he had +enjoyed himself in foreign parts, and particularly and above all, to +what extent he had become acquainted with the great dukes, lords, +viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, knights, and baronets, in whom the +people of those benighted countries had delight. + +'Well, then, don't ask me,' said the general, holding up his hand. +'I was among 'em all the time, and have got public journals in my +trunk with my name printed'--he lowered his voice and was very +impressive here--'among the fashionable news. But, oh, the +conventionalities of that a-mazing Europe!' + +'Ah!' cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy +shake, and looking towards Martin as though he would say, 'I can't +deny it, sir. I would if I could.' + +'The limited diffusion of a moral sense in that country!' exclaimed +the general. 'The absence of a moral dignity in man!' + +'Ah!' sighed all the Norrises, quite overwhelmed with despondency. + +'I couldn't have realised it,' pursued the general, 'without being +located on the spot. Norris, your imagination is the imagination of +a strong man, but YOU couldn't have realised it, without being +located on the spot!' + +'Never,' said Mr Norris. + +'The ex-clusiveness, the pride, the form, the ceremony,' exclaimed +the general, emphasizing the article more vigorously at every +repetition. 'The artificial barriers set up between man and man; +the division of the human race into court cards and plain cards, of +every denomination--into clubs, diamonds, spades--anything but +heart!' + +'Ah!' cried the whole family. 'Too true, general!' + +'But stay!' cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. +'Surely you crossed in the Screw, general?' + +'Well! so I did,' was the reply. + +'Possible!' cried the young ladies. 'Only think!' + +The general seemed at a loss to understand why his having come home +in the Screw should occasion such a sensation, nor did he seem at +all clearer on the subject when Mr Norris, introducing him to +Martin, said: + +'A fellow-passenger of yours, I think?' + +'Of mine?' exclaimed the general; 'No!' + +He had never seen Martin, but Martin had seen him, and recognized +him, now that they stood face to face, as the gentleman who had +stuck his hands in his pockets towards the end of the voyage, and +walked the deck with his nostrils dilated. + +Everybody looked at Martin. There was no help for it. The truth +must out. + +'I came over in the same ship as the general,' said Martin, 'but not +in the same cabin. It being necessary for me to observe strict +economy, I took my passage in the steerage.' + +If the general had been carried up bodily to a loaded cannon, and +required to let it off that moment, he could not have been in a +state of greater consternation than when he heard these words. He, +Fladdock--Fladdock in full militia uniform, Fladdock the General, +Fladdock, the caressed of foreign noblemen--expected to know a +fellow who had come over in the steerage of line-of-packet ship, at +the cost of four pound ten! And meeting that fellow in the very +sanctuary of New York fashion, and nestling in the bosom of the New +York aristocracy! He almost laid his hand upon his sword. + +A death-like stillness fell upon the Norisses. If this story should +get wind, their country relation had, by his imprudence, for ever +disgraced them. They were the bright particular stars of an exalted +New York sphere. There were other fashionable spheres above them, +and other fashionable spheres below, and none of the stars in any +one of these spheres had anything to say to the stars in any other +of these spheres. But, through all the spheres it would go forth +that the Norrises, deceived by gentlemanly manners and appearances, +had, falling from their high estate, 'received' a dollarless and +unknown man. O guardian eagle of the pure Republic, had they lived +for this! + +'You will allow me,' said Martin, after a terrible silence, 'to take +my leave. I feel that I am the cause of at least as much +embarrassment here, as I have brought upon myself. But I am bound, +before I go, to exonerate this gentleman, who, in introducing me to +such society, was quite ignorant of my unworthiness, I assure you.' + +With that he made his bow to the Norrises, and walked out like a man +of snow; very cool externally, but pretty hot within. + +'Come, come,' said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on +the assembled circle as Martin closed the door, 'the young man has +this night beheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy +magnificence of social decoration, to which he is a stranger in his +own country. Let us hope it may awake a moral sense within him.' + +If that peculiarly transatlantic article, a moral sense--for, if +native statesmen, orators, and pamphleteers, are to be believed, +America quite monopolises the commodity--if that peculiarly +transatlantic article be supposed to include a benevolent love of +all mankind, certainly Martin's would have borne, just then, a deal +of waking. As he strode along the street, with Mark at his heels, +his immoral sense was in active operation; prompting him to the +utterance of some rather sanguinary remarks, which it was well for +his own credit that nobody overheard. He had so far cooled down, +however, that he had begun to laugh at the recollection of these +incidents, when he heard another step behind him, and turning round +encountered his friend Bevan, quite out of breath. + +He drew his arm through Martin's, and entreating him to walk slowly, +was silent for some minutes. At length he said: + +'I hope you exonerate me in another sense?' + +'How do you mean?' asked Martin. + +'I hope you acquit me of intending or foreseeing the termination of +our visit. But I scarcely need ask you that.' + +'Scarcely indeed,' said Martin. 'I am the more beholden to you for +your kindness, when I find what kind of stuff the good citizens here +are made of.' + +'I reckon,' his friend returned, 'that they are made of pretty much +the same stuff as other folks, if they would but own it, and not set +up on false pretences.' + +'In good faith, that's true,' said Martin. + +'I dare say,' resumed his friend, 'you might have such a scene as +that in an English comedy, and not detect any gross improbability or +anomaly in the matter of it?' + +'Yes, indeed!' + +'Doubtless it is more ridiculous here than anywhere else,' said his +companion; 'but our professions are to blame for that. So far as I +myself am concerned, I may add that I was perfectly aware from the +first that you came over in the steerage, for I had seen the list of +passengers, and knew it did not comprise your name.' + +'I feel more obliged to you than before,' said Martin. + +'Norris is a very good fellow in his way,' observed Mr Bevan. + +'Is he?' said Martin drily. + +'Oh yes! there are a hundred good points about him. If you or +anybody else addressed him as another order of being, and sued to +him IN FORMA PAUPERIS, he would be all kindness and consideration.' + +'I needn't have travelled three thousand miles from home to find +such a character as THAT,' said Martin. Neither he nor his friend +said anything more on the way back; each appearing to find +sufficient occupation in his own thoughts. + +The tea, or the supper, or whatever else they called the evening +meal, was over when they reached the Major's; but the cloth, +ornamented with a few additional smears and stains, was still upon +the table. At one end of the board Mrs Jefferson Brick and two +other ladies were drinking tea; out of the ordinary course, +evidently, for they were bonneted and shawled, and seemed to have +just come home. By the light of three flaring candles of different +lengths, in as many candlesticks of different patterns, the room +showed to almost as little advantage as in broad day. + +These ladies were all three talking together in a very loud tone +when Martin and his friend entered; but seeing those gentlemen, they +stopped directly, and became excessively genteel, not to say frosty. +As they went on to exchange some few remarks in whispers, the very +water in the teapot might have fallen twenty degrees in temperature +beneath their chilling coldness. + +'Have you been to meeting, Mrs Brick?' asked Martin's friend, with +something of a roguish twinkle in his eye. + +'To lecture, sir.' + +'I beg your pardon. I forgot. You don't go to meeting, I think?' + +Here the lady on the right of Mrs Brick gave a pious cough as much +as to say 'I do!'--as, indeed, she did nearly every night in the +week. + +'A good discourse, ma'am?' asked Mr Bevan, addressing this lady. + +The lady raised her eyes in a pious manner, and answered 'Yes.' She +had been much comforted by some good, strong, peppery doctrine, +which satisfactorily disposed of all her friends and acquaintances, +and quite settled their business. Her bonnet, too, had far outshone +every bonnet in the congregation; so she was tranquil on all +accounts. + +'What course of lectures are you attending now, ma'am?' said +Martin's friend, turning again to Mrs Brick. + +'The Philosophy of the Soul, on Wednesdays.' + +'On Mondays?' + +'The Philosophy of Crime.' + +'On Fridays?' + +'The Philosophy of Vegetables.' + +'You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my +dear,' observed the third lady. + +'No,' said Mrs Brick. 'That's Tuesdays.' + +'So it is!' cried the lady. 'The Philosophy of Matter on Thursdays, +of course.' + +'You see, Mr Chuzzlewit, our ladies are fully employed,' said Bevan. + +'Indeed you have reason to say so,' answered Martin. 'Between these +very grave pursuits abroad, and family duties at home, their time +must be pretty well engrossed.' + +Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded him with no +very great favour, though what he had done to deserve the disdainful +expression which appeared in their faces he was at a loss to divine. +But on their going upstairs to their bedrooms--which they very +soon did--Mr Bevan informed him that domestic drudgery was far +beneath the exalted range of these Philosophers, and that the +chances were a hundred to one that not one of the three could +perform the easiest woman's work for herself, or make the simplest +article of dress for any of her children. + +'Though whether they might not be better employed with such blunt +instruments as knitting-needles than with these edge-tools,' he +said, 'is another question; but I can answer for one thing--they +don't often cut themselves. Devotions and lectures are our balls +and concerts. They go to these places of resort, as an escape from +monotony; look at each other's clothes; and come home again.' + +'When you say "home," do you mean a house like this?' + +'Very often. But I see you are tired to death, and will wish you +good night. We will discuss your projects in the morning. You +cannot but feel already that it is useless staying here, with any +hope of advancing them. You will have to go further.' + +'And to fare worse?' said Martin, pursuing the old adage. + +'Well, I hope not. But sufficient for the day, you know--good +night' + +They shook hands heartily and separated. As soon as Martin was left +alone, the excitement of novelty and change which had sustained him +through all the fatigues of the day, departed; and he felt so +thoroughly dejected and worn out, that he even lacked the energy to +crawl upstairs to bed. + +In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his +hopes and sanguine plans! New and strange as he was to the ground +on which he stood, and to the air he breathed, he could not-- +recalling all that he had crowded into that one day--but entertain a +strong misgiving that his enterprise was doomed. Rash and ill- +considered as it had often looked on shipboard, but had never seemed +on shore, it wore a dismal aspect, now, that frightened him. +Whatever thoughts he called up to his aid, they came upon him in +depressing and discouraging shapes, and gave him no relief. Even +the diamonds on his finger sparkled with the brightness of tears, +and had no ray of hope in all their brilliant lustre. + +He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of +the boarders who dropped in one by one from their stores and +counting-houses, or the neighbouring bar-rooms, and, after taking +long pulls from a great white waterjug upon the sideboard, and +lingering with a kind of hideous fascination near the brass +spittoons, lounged heavily to bed; until at length Mark Tapley came +and shook him by the arm, supposing him asleep. + +'Mark!' he cried, starting. + +'All right, sir,' said that cheerful follower, snuffing with his +fingers the candle he bore. 'It ain't a very large bed, your'n, +sir; and a man as wasn't thirsty might drink, afore breakfast, all +the water you've got to wash in, and afterwards eat the towel. But +you'll sleep without rocking to-night, sir.' + +'I feel as if the house were on the sea' said Martin, staggering +when he rose; 'and am utterly wretched.' + +'I'm as jolly as a sandboy, myself, sir,' said Mark. 'But, Lord, I +have reason to be! I ought to have been born here; that's my +opinion. Take care how you go'--for they were now ascending the +stairs. 'You recollect the gentleman aboard the Screw as had the +very small trunk, sir?' + +'The valise? Yes.' + +'Well, sir, there's been a delivery of clean clothes from the wash +to-night, and they're put outside the bedroom doors here. If you +take notice as we go up, what a very few shirts there are, and what +a many fronts, you'll penetrate the mystery of his packing.' + +But Martin was too weary and despondent to take heed of anything, so +had no interest in this discovery. Mr Tapley, nothing dashed by his +indifference, conducted him to the top of the house, and into the +bed-chamber prepared for his reception; which was a very little +narrow room, with half a window in it; a bedstead like a chest +without a lid; two chairs; a piece of carpet, such as shoes are +commonly tried upon at a ready-made establishment in England; a +little looking-glass nailed against the wall; and a washing-table, +with a jug and ewer, that might have been mistaken for a milk-pot and +slop-basin. + +'I suppose they polish themselves with a dry cloth in this country,' +said Mark. 'They've certainly got a touch of the 'phoby, sir.' + +'I wish you would pull off my boots for me,' said Martin, dropping +into one of the chairs 'I am quite knocked up--dead beat, Mark.' + +'You won't say that to-morrow morning, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; +'nor even to-night, sir, when you've made a trial of this.' With +which he produced a very large tumbler, piled up to the brim with +little blocks of clear transparent ice, through which one or two +thin slices of lemon, and a golden liquid of delicious appearance, +appealed from the still depths below, to the loving eye of the +spectator. + +'What do you call this?' said Martin. + +But Mr Tapley made no answer; merely plunging a reed into the +mixture--which caused a pleasant commotion among the pieces of ice-- +and signifying by an expressive gesture that it was to be pumped up +through that agency by the enraptured drinker. + +Martin took the glass with an astonished look; applied his lips to +the reed; and cast up his eyes once in ecstasy. He paused no more +until the goblet was drained to the last drop. + +'There, sir!' said Mark, taking it from him with a triumphant face; +'if ever you should happen to be dead beat again, when I ain't in +the way, all you've got to do is to ask the nearest man to go and +fetch a cobbler.' + +'To go and fetch a cobbler?' repeated Martin. + +'This wonderful invention, sir,' said Mark, tenderly patting the +empty glass, 'is called a cobbler. Sherry cobbler when you name it +long; cobbler, when you name it short. Now you're equal to having +your boots took off, and are, in every particular worth mentioning, +another man.' + +Having delivered himself of this solemn preface, he brought the +bootjack. + +'Mind! I am not going to relapse, Mark,' said Martin; 'but, good +Heaven, if we should be left in some wild part of this country +without goods or money!' + +'Well, sir!' replied the imperturbable Tapley; 'from what we've seen +already, I don't know whether, under those circumstances, we +shouldn't do better in the wild parts than in the tame ones.' + +'Oh, Tom Pinch, Tom Pinch!' said Martin, in a thoughtful tone; 'what +would I give to be again beside you, and able to hear your voice, +though it were even in the old bedroom at Pecksniff's!' + +'Oh, Dragon, Dragon!' echoed Mark, cheerfully, 'if there warn't any +water between you and me, and nothing faint-hearted-like in going +back, I don't know that I mightn't say the same. But here am I, +Dragon, in New York, America; and there are you in Wiltshire, +Europe; and there's a fortune to make, Dragon, and a beautiful young +lady to make it for; and whenever you go to see the Monument, +Dragon, you mustn't give in on the doorsteps, or you'll never get +up to the top!' + +'Wisely said, Mark,' cried Martin. 'We must look forward.' + +'In all the story-books as ever I read, sir, the people as looked +backward was turned into stones,' replied Mark; 'and my opinion +always was, that they brought it on themselves, and it served 'em +right. I wish you good night, sir, and pleasant dreams!' + +'They must be of home, then,' said Martin, as he lay down in bed. + +'So I say, too,' whispered Mark Tapley, when he was out of hearing +and in his own room; 'for if there don't come a time afore we're +well out of this, when there'll be a little more credit in keeping +up one's jollity, I'm a United Statesman!' + +Leaving them to blend and mingle in their sleep the shadows of +objects afar off, as they take fantastic shapes upon the wall in the +dim light of thought without control, be it the part of this slight +chronicle--a dream within a dream--as rapidly to change the scene, +and cross the ocean to the English shore. + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN + +DOES BUSINESS WITH THE HOUSE OF ANTHONY CHUZZLEWIT AND SON, FROM +WHICH ONE OF THE PARTNERS RETIRES UNEXPECTEDLY + + +Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man +habituated to a narrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which +he seldom travels, step beyond it, though for never so brief a +space, his departure from the monotonous scene on which he has been +an actor of importance, would seem to be the signal for instant +confusion. As if, in the gap he had left, the wedge of change were +driven to the head, rending what was a solid mass to fragments, +things cemented and held together by the usages of years, burst +asunder in as many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly dug +beneath familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what was rock +before, becomes but sand and dust. + +Most men, at one time or other, have proved this in some degree. The +extent to which the natural laws of change asserted their supremacy +in that limited sphere of action which Martin had deserted, shall be +faithfully set down in these pages. + +'What a cold spring it is!' whimpered old Anthony, drawing near the +evening fire, 'It was a warmer season, sure, when I was young!' + +'You needn't go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or +not,' observed the amiable Jonas, raising his eyes from yesterday's +newspaper, 'Broadcloth ain't so cheap as that comes to.' + +'A good lad!' cried the father, breathing on his cold hands, and +feebly chafing them against each other. 'A prudent lad! He never +delivered himself up to the vanities of dress. No, no!' + +'I don't know but I would, though, mind you, if I could do it for +nothing,' said his son, as he resumed the paper. + +'Ah!' chuckled the old man. 'IF, indeed!--But it's very cold.' + +'Let the fire be!' cried Mr Jonas, stopping his honoured parent's +hand in the use of the poker. 'Do you mean to come to want in your +old age, that you take to wasting now?' + +'There's not time for that, Jonas,' said the old man. + +'Not time for what?' bawled his heir. + +'For me to come to want. I wish there was!' + +'You always were as selfish an old blade as need be,' said Jonas in +a voice too low for him to hear, and looking at him with an angry +frown. 'You act up to your character. You wouldn't mind coming to +want, wouldn't you! I dare say you wouldn't. And your own flesh and +blood might come to want too, might they, for anything you cared? +Oh you precious old flint!' + +After this dutiful address he took his tea-cup in his hand--for that +meal was in progress, and the father and son and Chuffey were +partakers of it. Then, looking steadfastly at his father, and +stopping now and then to carry a spoonful of tea to his lips, he +proceeded in the same tone, thus: + +'Want, indeed! You're a nice old man to be talking of want at this +time of day. Beginning to talk of want, are you? Well, I declare! +There isn't time? No, I should hope not. But you'd live to be a +couple of hundred if you could; and after all be discontented. I +know you!' + +The old man sighed, and still sat cowering before the fire. Mr +Jonas shook his Britannia-metal teaspoon at him, and taking a +loftier position, went on to argue the point on high moral grounds. + +'If you're in such a state of mind as that,' he grumbled, but in the +same subdued key, 'why don't you make over your property? Buy an +annuity cheap, and make your life interesting to yourself and +everybody else that watches the speculation. But no, that wouldn't +suit YOU. That would be natural conduct to your own son, and you +like to be unnatural, and to keep him out of his rights. Why, I +should be ashamed of myself if I was you, and glad to hide my head +in the what you may call it.' + +Possibly this general phrase supplied the place of grave, or tomb, +or sepulchre, or cemetery, or mausoleum, or other such word which +the filial tenderness of Mr Jonas made him delicate of pronouncing. +He pursued the theme no further; for Chuffey, somehow discovering, +from his old corner by the fireside, that Anthony was in the +attitude of a listener, and that Jonas appeared to be speaking, +suddenly cried out, like one inspired: + +'He is your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit. Your own son, sir!' + +Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words +had, or that, in the bitter satire which they bore, they might have +sunk into the old man's very soul, could he have known what words +here hanging on his own son's lips, or what was passing in his +thoughts. But the voice diverted the current of Anthony's +reflections, and roused him. + +'Yes, yes, Chuffey, Jonas is a chip of the old block. It is a very +old block, now, Chuffey,' said the old man, with a strange look of +discomposure. + +'Precious old,' assented Jonas + +'No, no, no,' said Chuffey. 'No, Mr Chuzzlewit. Not old at all, +sir.' + +'Oh! He's worse than ever, you know!' cried Jonas, quite disgusted. +'Upon my soul, father, he's getting too bad. Hold your tongue, will +you?' + +'He says you're wrong!' cried Anthony to the old clerk. + +'Tut, tut!' was Chuffey's answer. 'I know better. I say HE'S +wrong. I say HE'S wrong. He's a boy. That's what he is. So are +you, Mr Chuzzlewit--a kind of boy. Ha! ha! ha! You're quite a boy +to many I have known; you're a boy to me; you're a boy to hundreds +of us. Don't mind him!' + +With which extraordinary speech--for in the case of Chuffey this was +a burst of eloquence without a parallel--the poor old shadow drew +through his palsied arm his master's hand, and held it there, with +his own folded upon it, as if he would defend him. + +'I grow deafer every day, Chuff,' said Anthony, with as much +softness of manner, or, to describe it more correctly, with as +little hardness as he was capable of expressing. + +'No, no,' cried Chuffey. 'No, you don't. What if you did? I've +been deaf this twenty year.' + +'I grow blinder, too,' said the old man, shaking his head. + +'That's a good sign!' cried Chuffey. 'Ha! ha! The best sign in the +world! You saw too well before.' + +He patted Anthony upon the hand as one might comfort a child, and +drawing the old man's arm still further through his own, shook his +trembling fingers towards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he +would wave him off. But, Anthony remaining quite still and silent, +he relaxed his hold by slow degrees and lapsed into his usual niche +in the corner; merely putting forth his hand at intervals and +touching his old employer gently on the coat, as with the design of +assuring himself that he was yet beside him. + +Mr Jonas was so very much amazed by these proceedings that he could +do nothing but stare at the two old men, until Chuffey had fallen +into his usual state, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave +some vent to his emotions by going close up to the former personage, +and making as though he would, in vulgar parlance, 'punch his head.' + +'They've been carrying on this game,' thought Jonas in a brown +study, 'for the last two or three weeks. I never saw my father take +so much notice of him as he has in that time. What! You're legacy +hunting, are you, Mister Chuff? Eh?' + +But Chuffey was as little conscious of the thought as of the bodily +advance of Mr Jonas's clenched fist, which hovered fondly about his +ear. When he had scowled at him to his heart's content, Jonas took +the candle from the table, and walking into the glass office, +produced a bunch of keys from his pocket. With one of these he +opened a secret drawer in the desk; peeping stealthily out, as he +did so, to be certain that the two old men were still before the +fire. + +'All as right as ever,' said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk +open with his forehead, and unfolding a paper. 'Here's the will, +Mister Chuff. Thirty pound a year for your maintenance, old boy, +and all the rest to his only son, Jonas. You needn't trouble +yourself to be too affectionate. You won't get anything by it. +What's that?' + +It WAS startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass +partition looking curiously in; and not at him but at the paper in +his hand. For the eyes were attentively cast down upon the writing, +and were swiftly raised when he cried out. Then they met his own, +and were as the eyes of Mr Pecksniff. + +Suffering the lid of the desk to fall with a loud noise, but not +forgetting even then to lock it, Jonas, pale and breathless, gazed +upon this phantom. It moved, opened the door, and walked in. + +'What's the matter?' cried Jonas, falling back. 'Who is it? Where +do you come from? What do you want?' + +'Matter!' cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh +smiled amiably upon him. 'The matter, Mr Jonas!' + +'What are you prying and peering about here for?' said Jonas, +angrily. 'What do you mean by coming up to town in this way, and +taking one unawares? It's precious odd a man can't read the--the +newspaper--in his own office without being startled out of his wits +by people coming in without notice. Why didn't you knock at the +door?' + +'So I did, Mr Jonas,' answered Pecksniff, 'but no one heard me. I +was curious,' he added in his gentle way as he laid his hand upon +the young man's shoulder, 'to find out what part of the newspaper +interested you so much; but the glass was too dim and dirty.' + +Jonas glanced in haste at the partition. Well. It wasn't very +clean. So far he spoke the truth. + +'Was it poetry now?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking the forefinger of +his right hand with an air of cheerful banter. 'Or was it politics? +Or was it the price of stock? The main chance, Mr Jonas, the main +chance, I suspect.' + +'You ain't far from the truth,' answered Jonas, recovering himself +and snuffing the candle; 'but how the deuce do you come to be in +London again? Ecod! it's enough to make a man stare, to see a +fellow looking at him all of a sudden, who he thought was sixty or +seventy mile away.' + +'So it is,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No doubt of it, my dear Mr Jonas. +For while the human mind is constituted as it is--' + +'Oh, bother the human mind,' interrupted Jonas with impatience 'what +have you come up for?' + +'A little matter of business,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'which has arisen +quite unexpectedly.' + +'Oh!' cried Jonas, 'is that all? Well. Here's father in the next +room. Hallo father, here's Pecksniff! He gets more addle-pated +every day he lives, I do believe,' muttered Jonas, shaking his +honoured parent roundly. 'Don't I tell you Pecksniff's here, +stupid-head?' + +The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance +soon awoke the old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome +which was attributable in part to his being glad to see that +gentleman, and in part to his unfading delight in the recollection +of having called him a hypocrite. As Mr Pecksniff had not yet taken +tea (indeed he had, but an hour before, arrived in London) the +remains of the late collation, with a rasher of bacon, were served +up for his entertainment; and as Mr Jonas had a business appointment +in the next street, he stepped out to keep it; promising to return +before Mr Pecksniff could finish his repast. + +'And now, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff to Anthony; 'now that we +are alone, pray tell me what I can do for you. I say alone, because +I believe that our dear friend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically +speaking, a--shall I say a dummy?' asked Mr Pecksniff with his +sweetest smile, and his head very much on one side. + +'He neither hears us,' replied Anthony, 'nor sees us.' + +'Why, then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I will be bold to say, with the +utmost sympathy for his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of +those excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to +his heart, that he is what is playfully termed a dummy. You were +going to observe, my dear sir--?' + +'I was not going to make any observation that I know of,' replied +the old man. + +'I was,' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly. + +'Oh! YOU were? What was it?' + +'That I never,' said Mr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the +door was shut, and arranging his chair when he came back, so that it +could not be opened in the least without his immediately becoming +aware of the circumstance; 'that I never in my life was so +astonished as by the receipt of your letter yesterday. That you +should do me the honour to wish to take counsel with me on any +matter, amazed me; but that you should desire to do so, to the +exclusion even of Mr Jonas, showed an amount of confidence in one to +whom you had done a verbal injury--merely a verbal injury, you were +anxious to repair--which gratified, which moved, which overcame me.' + +He was always a glib speaker, but he delivered this short address +very glibly; having been at some pains to compose it outside the +coach. + +Although he paused for a reply, and truly said that he was there at +Anthony's request, the old man sat gazing at him in profound silence +and with a perfectly blank face. Nor did he seem to have the least +desire or impulse to pursue the conversation, though Mr Pecksniff +looked towards the door, and pulled out his watch, and gave him many +other hints that their time was short, and Jonas, if he kept his +word, would soon return. But the strangest incident in all this +strange behaviour was, that of a sudden, in a moment, so swiftly +that it was impossible to trace how, or to observe any process of +change, his features fell into their old expression, and he cried, +striking his hand passionately upon the table as if no interval at +all had taken place: + +'Will you hold your tongue, sir, and let me speak?' + +Mr Pecksniff deferred to him with a submissive bow; and said within +himself, 'I knew his hand was changed, and that his writing +staggered. I said so yesterday. Ahem! Dear me!' + +'Jonas is sweet upon your daughter, Pecksniff,' said the old man, in +his usual tone. + +'We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers's,' replied +the courteous architect. + +'You needn't speak so loud,' retorted Anthony. 'I'm not so deaf as +that.' + +Mr Pecksniff had certainly raised his voice pretty high; not so much +because he thought Anthony was deaf, as because he felt convinced +that his perceptive faculties were waxing dim; but this quick +resentment of his considerate behaviour greatly disconcerted him, +and, not knowing what tack to shape his course upon, he made another +inclination of the head, yet more submissive that the last. + +'I have said,' repeated the old man, 'that Jonas is sweet upon your +daughter.' + +'A charming girl, sir,' murmured Mr Pecksniff, seeing that he waited +for an answer. 'A dear girl, Mr Chuzzlewit, though I say it, who +should not.' + +'You know better,' cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at +least a yard, and starting forward in his chair to do it. 'You +lie! What, you WILL be a hypocrite, will you?' + +'My good sir,' Mr Pecksniff began. + +'Don't call me a good sir,' retorted Anthony, 'and don't claim to be +one yourself. If your daughter was what you would have me believe, +she wouldn't do for Jonas. Being what she is, I think she will. He +might be deceived in a wife. She might run riot, contract debts, +and waste his substance. Now when I am dead--' + +His face altered so horribly as he said the word, that Mr Pecksniff +really was fain to look another way. + +'--It will be worse for me to know of such doings, than if I was +alive; for to be tormented for getting that together, which even +while I suffer for its acquisition, is flung into the very kennels of +the streets, would be insupportable torture. No,' said the old man, +hoarsely, 'let that be saved at least; let there be something +gained, and kept fast hold of, when so much is lost.' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'these are unwholesome +fancies; quite unnecessary, sir, quite uncalled for, I am sure. The +truth is, my dear sir, that you are not well!' + +'Not dying though!' cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of +a wild animal. 'Not yet! There are years of life in me. Why, look +at him,' pointing to his feeble clerk. 'Death has no right to leave +him standing, and to mow me down!' + +Mr Pecksniff was so much afraid of the old man, and so completely +taken aback by the state in which he found him, that he had not even +presence of mind enough to call up a scrap of morality from the +great storehouse within his own breast. Therefore he stammered out +that no doubt it was, in fairness and decency, Mr Chuffey's turn to +expire; and that from all he had heard of Mr Chuffey, and the little +he had the pleasure of knowing of that gentleman, personally, he +felt convinced in his own mind that he would see the propriety of +expiring with as little delay as possible. + +'Come here!' said the old man, beckoning him to draw nearer. 'Jonas +will be my heir, Jonas will be rich, and a great catch for you. You +know that. Jonas is sweet upon your daughter.' + +'I know that too,' thought Mr Pecksniff, 'for you have said it often +enough.' + +'He might get more money than with her,' said the old man, 'but she +will help him to take care of what they have. She is not too young +or heedless, and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don't you +play too fine a game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you +draw it too tight (I know his temper) it'll snap. Bind him when +he's in the mood, Pecksniff; bind him. You're too deep. In your +way of leading him on, you'll leave him miles behind. Bah, you man +of oil, have I no eyes to see how you have angled with him from the +first?' + +'Now I wonder,' thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful +face, 'whether this is all he has to say?' + +Old Anthony rubbed his hands and muttered to himself; complained +again that he was cold; drew his chair before the fire; and, sitting +with his back to Mr Pecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his +breast, was, in another minute, quite regardless or forgetful of his +presence. + +Uncouth and unsatisfactory as this short interview had been, it had +furnished Mr Pecksniff with a hint which, supposing nothing further +were imparted to him, repaid the journey up and home again. For the +good gentleman had never (for want of an opportunity) dived into the +depths of Mr Jonas's nature; and any recipe for catching such a son- +in-law (much more one written on a leaf out of his own father's +book) was worth the having. In order that he might lose no chance +of improving so fair an opportunity by allowing Anthony to fall +asleep before he had finished all he had to say, Mr Pecksniff, in +the disposal of the refreshments on the table, a work to which he +now applied himself in earnest, resorted to many ingenious +contrivances for attracting his attention; such as coughing, +sneezing, clattering the teacups, sharpening the knives, dropping +the loaf, and so forth. But all in vain, for Mr Jonas returned, and +Anthony had said no more. + +'What! My father asleep again?' he cried, as he hung up his hat, and +cast a look at him. 'Ah! and snoring. Only hear!' + +'He snores very deep,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Snores deep?' repeated Jonas. 'Yes; let him alone for that. He'll +snore for six, at any time.' + +'Do you know, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff, 'that I think your father +is--don't let me alarm you--breaking?' + +'Oh, is he though?' replied Jonas, with a shake of the head which +expressed the closeness of his dutiful observation. 'Ecod, you +don't know how tough he is. He ain't upon the move yet.' + +'It struck me that he was changed, both in his appearance and +manner,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'That's all you know about it,' returned Jonas, seating himself with +a melancholy air. 'He never was better than he is now. How are +they all at home? How's Charity?' + +'Blooming, Mr Jonas, blooming.' + +'And the other one; how's she?' + +'Volatile trifler!' said Mr Pecksniff, fondly musing. 'She is well, +she is well. Roving from parlour to bedroom, Mr Jonas, like a bee, +skimming from post to pillar, like the butterfly; dipping her young +beak into our currant wine, like the humming-bird! Ah! were she a +little less giddy than she is; and had she but the sterling +qualities of Cherry, my young friend!' + +'Is she so very giddy, then?' asked Jonas. + +'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, with great feeling; 'let me not be +hard upon my child. Beside her sister Cherry she appears so. A +strange noise that, Mr Jonas!' + +'Something wrong in the clock, I suppose,' said Jonas, glancing +towards it. 'So the other one ain't your favourite, ain't she?' + +The fond father was about to reply, and had already summoned into +his face a look of most intense sensibility, when the sound he had +already noticed was repeated. + +'Upon my word, Mr Jonas, that is a very extraordinary clock,' said +Pecksniff. + +It would have been, if it had made the noise which startled them; +but another kind of time-piece was fast running down, and from that +the sound proceeded. A scream from Chuffey, rendered a hundred +times more loud and formidable by his silent habits, made the house +ring from roof to cellar; and, looking round, they saw Anthony +Chuzzlewit extended on the floor, with the old clerk upon his knees +beside him. + +He had fallen from his chair in a fit, and lay there, battling for +each gasp of breath, with every shrivelled vein and sinew starting +in its place, as if it were bent on bearing witness to his age, and +sternly pleading with Nature against his recovery. It was frightful +to see how the principle of life, shut up within his withered frame, +fought like a strong devil, mad to be released, and rent its ancient +prison-house. A young man in the fullness of his vigour, struggling +with so much strength of desperation, would have been a dismal +sight; but an old, old, shrunken body, endowed with preternatural +might, and giving the lie in every motion of its every limb and +joint to its enfeebled aspect, was a hideous spectacle indeed. + +They raised him up, and fetched a surgeon with all haste, who bled +the patient and applied some remedies; but the fits held him so long +that it was past midnight when they got him--quiet now, but quite +unconscious and exhausted--into bed. + +'Don't go,' said Jonas, putting his ashy lips to Mr Pecksniff's ear +and whispered across the bed. 'It was a mercy you were present when +he was taken ill. Some one might have said it was my doing.' + +'YOUR doing!' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'I don't know but they might,' he replied, wiping the moisture from +his white face. 'People say such things. How does he look now?' + +Mr Pecksniff shook his head. + +'I used to joke, you know,' said. Jonas: 'but I--I never wished him +dead. Do you think he's very bad?' + +'The doctor said he was. You heard,' was Mr Pecksniff's answer. + +'Ah! but he might say that to charge us more, in case of his getting +well' said Jonas. 'You mustn't go away, Pecksniff. Now it's come +to this, I wouldn't be without a witness for a thousand pound.' + +Chuffey said not a word, and heard not a word. He had sat himself +down in a chair at the bedside, and there he remained, motionless; +except that he sometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed +to listen. He never changed in this. Though once in the dreary +night Mr Pecksniff, having dozed, awoke with a confused impression +that he had heard him praying, and strangely mingling figures--not +of speech, but arithmetic--with his broken prayers. + +Jonas sat there, too, all night; not where his father could have +seen him, had his consciousness returned, but hiding, as it were, +behind him, and only reading how he looked, in Mr Pecksniff's eyes. +HE, the coarse upstart, who had ruled the house so long--that +craven cur, who was afraid to move, and shook so, that his very +shadow fluttered on the wall! + +It was broad, bright, stirring day when, leaving the old clerk to +watch him, they went down to breakfast. People hurried up and down +the street; windows and doors were opened; thieves and beggars took +their usual posts; workmen bestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth +their shops; bailiffs and constables were on the watch; all kinds of +human creatures strove, in their several ways, as hard to live, as +the one sick old man who combated for every grain of sand in his +fast-emptying glass, as eagerly as if it were an empire. + +'If anything happens Pecksniff,' said Jonas, 'you must promise me to +stop here till it's all over. You shall see that I do what's +right.' + +'I know that you will do what's right, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff. + +'Yes, yes, but I won't be doubted. No one shall have it in his +power to say a syllable against me,' he returned. 'I know how +people will talk. Just as if he wasn't old, or I had the secret of +keeping him alive!' + +Mr Pecksniff promised that he would remain, if circumstances should +render it, in his esteemed friend's opinion, desirable; they were +finishing their meal in silence, when suddenly an apparition stood +before them, so ghastly to the view that Jonas shrieked aloud, and +both recoiled in horror. + +Old Anthony, dressed in his usual clothes, was in the room--beside +the table. He leaned upon the shoulder of his solitary friend; and +on his livid face, and on his horny hands, and in his glassy eyes, +and traced by an eternal finger in the very drops of sweat upon his +brow, was one word--Death. + +He spoke to them--in something of his own voice too, but sharpened +and made hollow, like a dead man's face. What he would have said, +God knows. He seemed to utter words, but they were such as man had +never heard. And this was the most fearful circumstance of all, to +see him standing there, gabbling in an unearthly tongue. + +'He's better now,' said Chuffey. 'Better now. Let him sit in his +old chair, and he'll be well again. I told him not to mind. I said +so, yesterday.' + +They put him in his easy-chair, and wheeled it near the window; +then, swinging open the door, exposed him to the free current of +morning air. But not all the air that is, nor all the winds that +ever blew 'twixt Heaven and Earth, could have brought new life to +him. + +Plunge him to the throat in golden pieces now, and his heavy fingers +shall not close on one! + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN + +THE READER IS BROUGHT INTO COMMUNICATION WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL +PERSONS, AND SHEDS A TEAR OVER THE FILAIL PIETY OF GOOD MR JONAS + + +Mr Pecksniff was in a hackney cabriolet, for Jonas Chuzzlewit had +said 'Spare no expense.' Mankind is evil in its thoughts and in its +base constructions, and Jonas was resolved it should not have an +inch to stretch into an ell against him. It never should be charged +upon his father's son that he had grudged the money for his father's +funeral. Hence, until the obsequies should be concluded, Jonas had +taken for his motto 'Spend, and spare not!' + +Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way to +another officer in the train of mourning--a female functionary, a +nurse, and watcher, and performer of nameless offices about the +persons of the dead--whom he had recommended. Her name, as Mr +Pecksniff gathered from a scrap of writing in his hand, was Gamp; +her residence in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn. So Mr Pecksniff, +in a hackney cab, was rattling over Holborn stones, in quest of Mrs +Gamp. + +This lady lodged at a bird-fancier's, next door but one to the +celebrated mutton-pie shop, and directly opposite to the original +cat's-meat warehouse; the renown of which establishments was duly +heralded on their respective fronts. It was a little house, and +this was the more convenient; for Mrs Gamp being, in her highest +walk of art, a monthly nurse, or, as her sign-board boldly had it, +'Midwife,' and lodging in the first-floor front, was easily +assailable at night by pebbles, walking-sticks, and fragments of +tobacco-pipe; all much more efficacious than the street-door +knocker, which was so constructed as to wake the street with ease, +and even spread alarms of fire in Holborn, without making the +smallest impression on the premises to which it was addressed. + +It chanced on this particular occasion, that Mrs Gamp had been up +all the previous night, in attendance upon a ceremony to which the +usage of gossips has given that name which expresses, in two +syllables, the curse pronounced on Adam. It chanced that Mrs Gamp +had not been regularly engaged, but had been called in at a crisis, +in consequence of her great repute, to assist another professional +lady with her advice; and thus it happened that, all points of +interest in the case being over, Mrs Gamp had come home again to the +bird-fancier's and gone to bed. So when Mr Pecksniff drove up in +the hackney cab, Mrs Gamp's curtains were drawn close, and Mrs Gamp +was fast asleep behind them. + +If the bird-fancier had been at home, as he ought to have been, +there would have been no great harm in this; but he was out, and his +shop was closed. The shutters were down certainly; and in every +pane of glass there was at least one tiny bird in a tiny bird-cage, +twittering and hopping his little ballet of despair, and knocking +his head against the roof; while one unhappy goldfinch who lived +outside a red villa with his name on the door, drew the water for +his own drinking, and mutely appealed to some good man to drop a +farthing's-worth of poison in it. Still, the door was shut. Mr +Pecksniff tried the latch, and shook it, causing a cracked bell +inside to ring most mournfully; but no one came. The bird-fancier +was an easy shaver also, and a fashionable hair-dresser also, and +perhaps he had been sent for, express, from the court end of the +town, to trim a lord, or cut and curl a lady; but however that might +be, there, upon his own ground, he was not; nor was there any more +distinct trace of him to assist the imagination of an inquirer, than +a professional print or emblem of his calling (much favoured in the +trade), representing a hair-dresser of easy manners curling a lady +of distinguished fashion, in the presence of a patent upright grand +pianoforte. + +Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his +heart, applied himself to the knocker; but at the first double knock +every window in the street became alive with female heads; and +before he could repeat the performance whole troops of married +ladies (some about to trouble Mrs Gamp themselves very shortly) came +flocking round the steps, all crying out with one accord, and with +uncommon interest, 'Knock at the winder, sir, knock at the winder. +Lord bless you, don't lose no more time than you can help--knock at +the winder!' + +Acting upon this suggestion, and borrowing the driver's whip for the +purpose, Mr Pecksniff soon made a commotion among the first floor +flower-pots, and roused Mrs Gamp, whose voice--to the great +satisfaction of the matrons--was heard to say, 'I'm coming.' + +'He's as pale as a muffin,' said one lady, in allusion to Mr +Pecksniff. + +'So he ought to be, if he's the feelings of a man,' observed +another. + +A third lady (with her arms folded) said she wished he had chosen +any other time for fetching Mrs Gamp, but it always happened so with +HER. + +It gave Mr Pecksniff much uneasiness to find, from these remarks, +that he was supposed to have come to Mrs Gamp upon an errand +touching--not the close of life, but the other end. Mrs Gamp +herself was under the same impression, for, throwing open the +window, she cried behind the curtains, as she hastily attired +herself-- + +'Is it Mrs Perkins?' + +'No!' returned Mr Pecksniff, sharply. 'Nothing of the sort.' + +'What, Mr Whilks!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say it's you, Mr Whilks, +and that poor creetur Mrs Whilks with not even a pincushion ready. +Don't say it's you, Mr Whilks!' + +'It isn't Mr Whilks,' said Pecksniff. 'I don't know the man. +Nothing of the kind. A gentleman is dead; and some person being +wanted in the house, you have been recommended by Mr Mould the +undertaker.' + +As she was by this time in a condition to appear, Mrs Gamp, who had +a face for all occasions, looked out of the window with her mourning +countenance, and said she would be down directly. But the matrons +took it very ill that Mr Pecksniff's mission was of so unimportant a +kind; and the lady with her arms folded rated him in good round +terms, signifying that she would be glad to know what he meant by +terrifying delicate females 'with his corpses;' and giving it as her +opinion that he was quite ugly enough to know better. The other +ladies were not at all behind-hand in expressing similar sentiments; +and the children, of whom some scores had now collected, hooted +and defied Mr Pecksniff quite savagely. So when Mrs Gamp appeared, +the unoffending gentleman was glad to hustle her with very little +ceremony into the cabriolet, and drive off, overwhelmed with +popular execration. + +Mrs Gamp had a large bundle with her, a pair of pattens, and a +species of gig umbrella; the latter article in colour like a faded +leaf, except where a circular patch of a lively blue had been +dexterously let in at the top. She was much flurried by the haste +she had made, and laboured under the most erroneous views of +cabriolets, which she appeared to confound with mail-coaches or +stage-wagons, inasmuch as she was constantly endeavouring for the +first half mile to force her luggage through the little front +window, and clamouring to the driver to 'put it in the boot.' When +she was disabused of this idea, her whole being resolved itself into +an absorbing anxiety about her pattens, with which she played +innumerable games at quoits on Mr Pecksniff's legs. It was not +until they were close upon the house of mourning that she had enough +composure to observe-- + +'And so the gentleman's dead, sir! Ah! The more's the pity.' +She didn't even know his name. 'But it's what we must all come to. +It's as certain as being born, except that we can't make our +calculations as exact. Ah! Poor dear!' + +She was a fat old woman, this Mrs Gamp, with a husky voice and a +moist eye, which she had a remarkable power of turning up, and only +showing the white of it. Having very little neck, it cost her some +trouble to look over herself, if one may say so, at those to whom +she talked. She wore a very rusty black gown, rather the worse for +snuff, and a shawl and bonnet to correspond. In these dilapidated +articles of dress she had, on principle, arrayed herself, time out +of mind, on such occasions as the present; for this at once +expressed a decent amount of veneration for the deceased, and +invited the next of kin to present her with a fresher suit of weeds; +an appeal so frequently successful, that the very fetch and ghost of +Mrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might be seen hanging up, any hour in the +day, in at least a dozen of the second-hand clothes shops about +Holborn. The face of Mrs Gamp--the nose in particular--was somewhat +red and swollen, and it was difficult to enjoy her society without +becoming conscious of a smell of spirits. Like most persons who +have attained to great eminence in their profession, she took to +hers very kindly; insomuch that, setting aside her natural +predilections as a woman, she went to a lying-in or a laying-out +with equal zest and relish. + +'Ah!' repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases +of mourning. 'Ah dear! When Gamp was summoned to his long home, and +I see him a-lying in Guy's Hospital with a penny-piece on each eye, +and his wooden leg under his left arm, I thought I should have +fainted away. But I bore up.' + +If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any +truth in them, she had indeed borne up surprisingly; and had exerted +such uncommon fortitude as to dispose of Mr Gamp's remains for the +benefit of science. But it should be added, in fairness, that this +had happened twenty years before; and that Mr and Mrs Gamp had long +been separated on the ground of incompatibility of temper in their +drink. + +'You have become indifferent since then, I suppose?' said Mr +Pecksniff. 'Use is second nature, Mrs Gamp.' + +'You may well say second nater, sir,' returned that lady. 'One's +first ways is to find sich things a trial to the feelings, and so is +one's lasting custom. If it wasn't for the nerve a little sip of +liquor gives me (I never was able to do more than taste it), I never +could go through with what I sometimes has to do. "Mrs Harris," I +says, at the very last case as ever I acted in, which it was but a +young person, "Mrs Harris," I says, "leave the bottle on the +chimley-piece, and don't ask me to take none, but let me put my lips +to it when I am so dispoged, and then I will do what I'm engaged to +do, according to the best of my ability." "Mrs Gamp," she says, in +answer, "if ever there was a sober creetur to be got at eighteen +pence a day for working people, and three and six for gentlefolks-- +night watching,"' said Mrs Gamp with emphasis, '"being a extra +charge--you are that inwallable person." "Mrs Harris," I says to +her, "don't name the charge, for if I could afford to lay all my +feller creeturs out for nothink, I would gladly do it, sich is the +love I bears 'em. But what I always says to them as has the +management of matters, Mrs Harris"'--here she kept her eye on Mr +Pecksniff--'"be they gents or be they ladies, is, don't ask me +whether I won't take none, or whether I will, but leave the bottle +on the chimley-piece, and let me put my lips to it when I am so +dispoged."' + +The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the +house. In the passage they encountered Mr Mould the undertaker; a +little elderly gentleman, bald, and in a suit of black; with a +notebook in his hand, a massive gold watch-chain dangling from his +fob, and a face in which a queer attempt at melancholy was at odds +with a smirk of satisfaction; so that he looked as a man might, who, +in the very act of smacking his lips over choice old wine, tried to +make believe it was physic. + +'Well, Mrs Gamp, and how are YOU, Mrs Gamp?' said this gentleman, in +a voice as soft as his step. + +'Pretty well, I thank you, sir,' dropping a curtsey. + +'You'll be very particular here, Mrs Gamp. This is not a common +case, Mrs Gamp. Let everything be very nice and comfortable, Mrs +Gamp, if you please,' said the undertaker, shaking his head with a +solemn air. + +'It shall be, sir,' she replied, curtseying again. 'You knows me of +old, sir, I hope.' + +'I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,' said the undertaker. 'and I think so +also.' Mrs Gamp curtseyed again. 'This is one of the most +impressive cases, sir,' he continued, addressing Mr Pecksniff, 'that +I have seen in the whole course of my professional experience.' + +'Indeed, Mr Mould!' cried that gentleman. + +'Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no +limitation, there is positively NO limitation'--opening his eyes +wide, and standing on tiptoe--'in point of expense! I have orders, +sir, to put on my whole establishment of mutes; and mutes come very +dear, Mr Pecksniff; not to mention their drink. To provide silver- +plated handles of the very best description, ornamented with angels' +heads from the most expensive dies. To be perfectly profuse in +feathers. In short, sir, to turn out something absolutely gorgeous.' + +'My friend Mr Jonas is an excellent man,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I have seen a good deal of what is filial in my time, sir,' +retorted Mould, 'and what is unfilial too. It is our lot. We come +into the knowledge of those secrets. But anything so filial as +this; anything so honourable to human nature; so calculated to +reconcile all of us to the world we live in; never yet came under my +observation. It only proves, sir, what was so forcibly observed by +the lamented theatrical poet--buried at Stratford--that there is +good in everything.' + +'It is very pleasant to hear you say so, Mr Mould,' observed +Pecksniff. + +'You are very kind, sir. And what a man Mr Chuzzlewit was, sir! Ah! +what a man he was. You may talk of your lord mayors,' said Mould, +waving his hand at the public in general, 'your sheriffs, your +common councilmen, your trumpery; but show me a man in this city who +is worthy to walk in the shoes of the departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, +no,' cried Mould, with bitter sarcasm. 'Hang 'em up, hang 'em up; +sole 'em and heel 'em, and have 'em ready for his son against he's +old enough to wear 'em; but don't try 'em on yourselves, for they +won't fit you. We knew him,' said Mould, in the same biting vein, +as he pocketed his note-book; 'we knew him, and are not to be +caught with chaff. Mr Pecksniff, sir, good morning.' + +Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of having +distinguished himself, was going away with a brisk smile, when he +fortunately remembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed +again, he sighed; looked into the crown of his hat, as if for +comfort; put it on without finding any; and slowly departed. + +Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the +former, having been shown to the chamber in which all that remained +of Anthony Chuzzlewit lay covered up, with but one loving heart, and +that a halting one, to mourn it, left the latter free to enter the +darkened room below, and rejoin Mr Jonas, from whom he had now been +absent nearly two hours. + +He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of +all performers of funerals, musing over a fragment of writing-paper +on the desk, and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man's +chair, and hat, and walking-stick, were removed from their +accustomed places, and put out of sight; the window-blinds as yellow +as November fogs, were drawn down close; Jonas himself was so +subdued, that he could scarcely be heard to speak, and only seen to +walk across the room. + +'Pecksniff,' he said, in a whisper, 'you shall have the regulation +of it all, mind! You shall be able to tell anybody who talks about +it that everything was correctly and nicely done. There isn't any +one you'd like to ask to the funeral, is there?' + +'No, Mr Jonas, I think not.' + +'Because if there is, you know,' said Jonas, 'ask him. We don't +want to make a secret of it.' + +'No,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, after a little reflection. 'I am not +the less obliged to you on that account, Mr Jonas, for your liberal +hospitality; but there really is no one.' + +'Very well,' said Jonas; 'then you, and I, and Chuffey, and the +doctor, will be just a coachful. We'll have the doctor, Pecksniff, +because he knows what was the matter with him, and that it couldn't +be helped.' + +'Where is our dear friend, Mr Chuffey?' asked Pecksniff, looking +round the chamber, and winking both his eyes at once--for he was +overcome by his feelings. + +But here he was interrupted by Mrs Gamp, who, divested of her bonnet +and shawl, came sidling and bridling into the room; and with some +sharpness demanded a conference outside the door with Mr Pecksniff. + +'You may say whatever you wish to say here, Mrs Gamp,' said that +gentleman, shaking his head with a melancholy expression. + +'It is not much as I have to say when people is a-mourning for the +dead and gone,' said Mrs Gamp; 'but what I have to say is TO the +pint and purpose, and no offence intended, must be so considered. I +have been at a many places in my time, gentlemen, and I hope I knows +what my duties is, and how the same should be performed; in course, +if I did not, it would be very strange, and very wrong in sich a +gentleman as Mr Mould, which has undertook the highest families in +this land, and given every satisfaction, so to recommend me as he +does. I have seen a deal of trouble my own self,' said Mrs Gamp, +laying greater and greater stress upon her words, 'and I can feel +for them as has their feelings tried, but I am not a Rooshan or a +Prooshan, and consequently cannot suffer Spies to be set over me.' + +Before it was possible that an answer could be returned, Mrs Gamp, +growing redder in the face, went on to say: + +'It is not a easy matter, gentlemen, to live when you are left a +widder woman; particular when your feelings works upon you to that +extent that you often find yourself a-going out on terms which is a +certain loss, and never can repay. But in whatever way you earns +your bread, you may have rules and regulations of your own which +cannot be broke through. Some people,' said Mrs Gamp, again +entrenching herself behind her strong point, as if it were not +assailable by human ingenuity, 'may be Rooshans, and others may be +Prooshans; they are born so, and will please themselves. Them which +is of other naturs thinks different.' + +'If I understand this good lady,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to +Jonas, 'Mr Chuffey is troublesome to her. Shall I fetch him down?' + +'Do,' said Jonas. 'I was going to tell you he was up there, when +she came in. I'd go myself and bring him down, only--only I'd +rather you went, if you don't mind.' + +Mr Pecksniff promptly departed, followed by Mrs Gamp, who, seeing +that he took a bottle and glass from the cupboard, and carried it in +his hand, was much softened. + +'I am sure,' she said, 'that if it wasn't for his own happiness, I +should no more mind him being there, poor dear, than if he was a +fly. But them as isn't used to these things, thinks so much of 'em +afterwards, that it's a kindness to 'em not to let 'em have their +wish. And even,' said Mrs Gamp, probably in reference to some +flowers of speech she had already strewn on Mr Chuffey, 'even if one +calls 'em names, it's only done to rouse 'em.' + +Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not +roused HIM. He sat beside the bed, in the chair he had occupied all +the previous night, with his hands folded before him, and his head +bowed down; and neither looked up, on their entrance, nor gave any +sign of consciousness, until Mr Pecksniff took him by the arm, when +he meekly rose. + +'Three score and ten,' said Chuffey, 'ought and carry seven. Some +men are so strong that they live to four score--four times ought's +an ought, four times two's an eight--eighty. Oh! why--why--why +didn't he live to four times ought's an ought, and four times two's +an eight, eighty?' + +'Ah! what a wale of grief!' cried Mrs Gamp, possessing herself of +the bottle and glass. + +'Why did he die before his poor old crazy servant?' said Chuffey, +clasping his hands and looking up in anguish. 'Take him from me, +and what remains?' + +'Mr Jonas,' returned Pecksniff, 'Mr Jonas, my good friend.' + +'I loved him,' cried the old man, weeping. 'He was good to me. We +learnt Tare and Tret together at school. I took him down once, six +boys in the arithmetic class. God forgive me! Had I the heart to +take him down!' + +'Come, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. 'Come with me. Summon up your +fortitude, Mr Chuffey.' + +'Yes, I will,' returned the old clerk. 'Yes. I'll sum up my forty +--How many times forty--Oh, Chuzzlewit and Son--Your own son Mr +Chuzzlewit; your own son, sir!' + +He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this +familiar expression, and submitted to be led away. Mrs Gamp, with +the bottle on one knee, and the glass on the other, sat upon a +stool, shaking her head for a long time, until, in a moment of +abstraction, she poured out a dram of spirits, and raised it to her +lips. It was succeeded by a second, and by a third, and then her +eyes--either in the sadness of her reflections upon life and death, +or in her admiration of the liquor--were so turned up, as to be +quite invisible. But she shook her head still. + +Poor Chuffey was conducted to his accustomed corner, and there he +remained, silent and quiet, save at long intervals, when he would +rise, and walk about the room, and wring his hands, or raise some +strange and sudden cry. For a whole week they all three sat about +the hearth and never stirred abroad. Mr Pecksniff would have walked +out in the evening time, but Mr Jonas was so averse to his being +absent for a minute, that he abandoned the idea, and so, from +morning until night, they brooded together in the dark room, without +relief or occupation. + +The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the +awful chamber above-stairs, so crushed and bore down Jonas, that he +bent beneath the load. During the whole long seven days and nights, +he was always oppressed and haunted by a dreadful sense of its +presence in the house. Did the door move, he looked towards it with +a livid face and starting eye, as if he fully believed that ghostly +fingers clutched the handle. Did the fire fiicker in a draught of +air, he glanced over his shoulder, as almost dreading to behold some +shrouded figure fanning and flapping at it with its fearful dress. +The lightest noise disturbed him; and once, in the night, at the +sound of a footstep overhead, he cried out that the dead man was +walking--tramp, tramp, tramp--about his coffin. + +He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sitting-room; +his own chamber having been assigned to Mrs Gamp; and Mr Pecksniff +was similarly accommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, +filled him with a terror he could not disguise. He avoided the +reflection in the opposite windows of the light that burned above, +as though it had been an angry eye. He often, in every night, rose +up from his fitful sleep, and looked and longed for dawn; all +directions and arrangements, even to the ordering of their daily +meals, he abandoned to Mr Pecksniff. That excellent gentleman, +deeming that the mourner wanted comfort, and that high feeding was +likely to do him infinite service, availed himself of these +opportunities to such good purpose, that they kept quite a dainty +table during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads, stewed +kidneys, oysters, and other such light viands for supper every +night; over which, and sundry jorums of hot punch, Mr Pecksniff +delivered such moral reflections and spiritual consolation as might +have converted a Heathen--especially if he had had but an imperfect +acquaintance with the English tongue. + +Nor did Mr Pecksniff alone indulge in the creature comforts during +this sad time. Mrs Gamp proved to be very choice in her eating, and +repudiated hashed mutton with scorn. In her drinking too, she was +very punctual and particular, requiring a pint of mild porter at +lunch, a pint at dinner, half-a-pint as a species of stay or +holdfast between dinner and tea, and a pint of the celebrated +staggering ale, or Real Old Brighton Tipper, at supper; besides the +bottle on the chimney-piece, and such casual invitations to refresh +herself with wine as the good breeding of her employers might prompt +them to offer. In like manner, Mr Mould's men found it necessary to +drown their grief, like a young kitten in the morning of its +existence, for which reason they generally fuddled themselves before +they began to do anything, lest it should make head and get the +better of them. In short, the whole of that strange week was a +round of dismal joviality and grim enjoyment; and every one, except +poor Chuffey, who came within the shadow of Anthony Chuzzlewit's +grave, feasted like a Ghoul. + +At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that +it was, arrived. Mr Mould, with a glass of generous port between +his eye and the light, leaned against the desk in the little glass +office with his gold watch in his unoccupied hand, and conversed +with Mrs Gamp; two mutes were at the house-door, looking as mournful +as could be reasonably expected of men with such a thriving job in +hand; the whole of Mr Mould's establishment were on duty within the +house or without; feathers waved, horses snorted, silk and velvets +fluttered; in a word, as Mr Mould emphatically said, 'Everything +that money could do was done.' + +'And what can do more, Mrs Gamp?' exclaimed the undertaker as he +emptied his glass and smacked his lips. + +'Nothing in the world, sir.' + +'Nothing in the world,' repeated Mr Mould. 'You are right, +Mrs.Gamp. Why do people spend more money'--here he filled his glass +again--'upon a death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that's in +your way; you ought to know. How do you account for that now?' + +'Perhaps it is because an undertaker's charges comes dearer than a +nurse's charges, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, tittering, and smoothing down +her new black dress with her hands. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'You have been breakfasting at +somebody's expense this morning, Mrs Gamp.' But seeing, by the aid +of a little shaving-glass which hung opposite, that he looked merry, +he composed his features and became sorrowful. + +'Many's the time that I've not breakfasted at my own expense along +of your recommending, sir; and many's the time I hope to do the +same in time to come,' said Mrs Gamp, with an apologetic curtsey. + +'So be it,' replied Mr Mould, 'please Providence. No, Mrs Gamp; +I'll tell you why it is. It's because the laying out of money with +a well-conducted establishment, where the thing is performed upon the +very best scale, binds the broken heart, and sheds balm upon the +wounded spirit. Hearts want binding, and spirits want balming when +people die; not when people are born. Look at this gentleman to- +day; look at him.' + +'An open-handed gentleman?' cried Mrs Gamp, with enthusiasm. + +'No, no,' said the undertaker; 'not an open-handed gentleman in +general, by any means. There you mistake him; but an afflicted +gentleman, an affectionate gentleman, who knows what it is in the +power of money to do, in giving him relief, and in testifying his +love and veneration for the departed. It can give him,' said Mr +Mould, waving his watch-chain slowly round and round, so that he +described one circle after every item; 'it can give him four horses +to each vehicle; it can give him velvet trappings; it can give him +drivers in cloth cloaks and top-boots; it can give him the plumage +of the ostrich, dyed black; it can give him any number of walking +attendants, dressed in the first style of funeral fashion, and +carrying batons tipped with brass; it can give him a handsome tomb; +it can give him a place in Westminster Abbey itself, if he choose to +invest it in such a purchase. Oh! do not let us say that gold is +dross, when it can buy such things as these, Mrs Gamp.' + +'But what a blessing, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that there are such as +you, to sell or let 'em out on hire!' + +'Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,' rejoined the undertaker. 'We should +be an honoured calling. We do good by stealth, and blush to have it +mentioned in our little bills. How much consolation may I--even I,' +cried Mr Mould, 'have diffused among my fellow-creatures by means of +my four long-tailed prancers, never harnessed under ten pund ten!' + +Mrs Gamp had begun to make a suitable reply, when she was +interrupted by the appearance of one of Mr Mould's assistants--his +chief mourner in fact--an obese person, with his waistcoat in closer +connection with his legs than is quite reconcilable with the +established ideas of grace; with that cast of feature which is +figuratively called a bottle nose; and with a face covered all over +with pimples. He had been a tender plant once upon a time, but from +constant blowing in the fat atmosphere of funerals, had run to seed. + +'Well, Tacker,' said Mr Mould, 'is all ready below?' + +'A beautiful show, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'The horses are prouder +and fresher than ever I see 'em; and toss their heads, they do, as +if they knowed how much their plumes cost. One, two, three, four,' +said Mr Tacker, heaping that number of black cloaks upon his left +arm. + +'Is Tom there, with the cake and wine?' asked Mr Mould. + +'Ready to come in at a moment's notice, sir,' said Tacker. + +'Then,' rejoined Mr Mould, putting up his watch, and glancing at +himself in the little shaving-glass, that he might be sure his face +had the right expression on it; 'then I think we may proceed to +business. Give me the paper of gloves, Tacker. Ah, what a man he +was! Ah, Tacker, Tacker, what a man he was!' + +Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of +funerals, would have made an excellent pantomime actor, winked at +Mrs Gamp without at all disturbing the gravity of his countenance, +and followed his master into the next room. + +It was a great point with Mr Mould, and a part of his professional +tact, not to seem to know the doctor; though in reality they were +near neighbours, and very often, as in the present instance, worked +together. So he advanced to fit on his black kid gloves as if he +had never seen him in all his life; while the doctor, on his part, +looked as distant and unconscious as if he had heard and read of +undertakers, and had passed their shops, but had never before been +brought into communication with one. + +'Gloves, eh?' said the doctor. 'Mr Pecksniff after you.' + +'I couldn't think of it,' returned Mr Pecksniff. + +'You are very good,' said the doctor, taking a pair. 'Well, sir, as +I was saying--I was called up to attend that case at about half-past +one o'clock. Cake and wine, eh? Which is port? Thank you.' + +Mr Pecksniff took some also. + +'At about half-past one o'clock in the morning, sir,' resumed the +doctor, 'I was called up to attend that case. At the first pull of +the night-bell I turned out, threw up the window, and put out my +head. Cloak, eh? Don't tie it too tight. That'll do.' + +Mr Pecksniff having been likewise inducted into a similar garment, +the doctor resumed. + +'And put out my head--hat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. +Mr Pecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I think we have unintentionally +made an exchange. Thank you. Well, sir, I was going to tell you--' + +'We are quite ready,' interrupted Mould in a low voice. + +'Ready, eh?' said the doctor. 'Very good, Mr Pecksniff, I'll take +an opportunity of relating the rest in the coach. It's rather +curious. Ready, eh? No rain, I hope?' + +'Quite fair, sir,' returned Mould. + +'I was afraid the ground would have been wet,' said the doctor, 'for +my glass fell yesterday. We may congratulate ourselves upon our +good fortune.' But seeing by this time that Mr Jonas and Chuffey +were going out at the door, he put a white pocket-handkerchief to +his face as if a violent burst of grief had suddenly come upon him, +and walked down side by side with Mr Pecksniff. + +Mr Mould and his men had not exaggerated the grandeur of the +arrangements. They were splendid. The four hearse-horses, +especially, reared and pranced, and showed their highest action, as +if they knew a man was dead, and triumphed in it. 'They break us, +drive us, ride us; ill-treat, abuse, and maim us for their +pleasure--But they die; Hurrah, they die!' + +So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went Anthony +Chuzzlewit's funeral; Mr Jonas glancing stealthily out of the coach- +window now and then, to observe its effect upon the crowd; Mr Mould +as he walked along, listening with a sober pride to the exclamations +of the bystanders; the doctor whispering his story to Mr Pecksniff, +without appearing to come any nearer the end of it; and poor old +Chuffey sobbing unregarded in a corner. But he had greatly +scandalized Mr Mould at an early stage of the ceremony by carrying +his handkerchief in his hat in a perfectly informal manner, and +wiping his eyes with his knuckles. And as Mr Mould himself had said +already, his behaviour was indecent, and quite unworthy of such an +occasion; and he never ought to have been there. + +There he was, however; and in the churchyard there he was, also, +conducting himself in a no less unbecoming manner, and leaning for +support on Tacker, who plainly told him that he was fit for nothing +better than a walking funeral. But Chuffey, Heaven help him! heard +no sound but the echoes, lingering in his own heart, of a voice for +ever silent. + +'I loved him,' cried the old man, sinking down upon the grave when +all was done. 'He was very good to me. Oh, my dear old friend and +master!' + +'Come, come, Mr Chuffey,' said the doctor, 'this won't do; it's a +clayey soil, Mr Chuffey. You mustn't, really.' + +'If it had been the commonest thing we do, and Mr Chuffey had been a +Bearer, gentlemen,' said Mould, casting an imploring glance upon +them, as he helped to raise him, 'he couldn't have gone on worse +than this.' + +'Be a man, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. + +'Be a gentleman, Mr Chuffey,' said Mould. + +'Upon my word, my good friend,' murmured the doctor, in a tone of +stately reproof, as he stepped up to the old man's side, 'this is +worse than weakness. This is bad, selfish, very wrong, Mr Chuffey. +You should take example from others, my good sir. You forget that +you were not connected by ties of blood with our deceased friend; +and that he had a very near and very dear relation, Mr Chuffey.' + +'Aye, his own son!' cried the old man, clasping his hands with +remarkable passion. 'His own, own, only son!' + +'He's not right in his head, you know,' said Jonas, turning pale. +'You're not to mind anything he says. I shouldn't wonder if he was +to talk some precious nonsense. But don't you mind him, any of you. +I don't. My father left him to my charge; and whatever he says or +does, that's enough. I'll take care of him.' + +A hum of admiration rose from the mourners (including Mr Mould and +his merry men) at this new instance of magnanimity and kind feeling +on the part of Jonas. But Chuffey put it to the test no farther. +He said not a word more, and being left to himself for a little +while, crept back again to the coach. + +It has been said that Mr Jonas turned pale when the behaviour of the +old clerk attracted general attention; his discomposure, however, +was but momentary, and he soon recovered. But these were not the +only changes he had exhibited that day. The curious eyes of Mr +Pecksniff had observed that as soon as they left the house upon +their mournful errand, he began to mend; that as the ceremonies +proceeded he gradually, by little and little, recovered his old +condition, his old looks, his old bearing, his old agreeable +characteristics of speech and manner, and became, in all respects, +his old pleasant self. And now that they were seated in the coach +on their return home; and more when they got there, and found the +windows open, the light and air admitted, and all traces of the late +event removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas was again the +Jonas he had known a week ago, and not the Jonas of the intervening +time, that he voluntarily gave up his recently-acquired power +without one faint attempt to exercise it, and at once fell back into +his former position of mild and deferential guest. + +Mrs Gamp went home to the bird-fancier's, and was knocked up again +that very night for a birth of twins; Mr Mould dined gayly in the +bosom of his family, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; +the hearse, after standing for a long time at the door of a +roistering public-house, repaired to its stables with the feathers +inside and twelve red-nosed undertakers on the roof, each holding on +by a dingy peg, to which, in times of state, a waving plume was +fitted; the various trappings of sorrow were carefully laid by in +presses for the next hirer; the fiery steeds were quenched and quiet +in their stalls; the doctor got merry with wine at a wedding-dinner, +and forgot the middle of the story which had no end to it; the +pageant of a few short hours ago was written nowhere half so legibly +as in the undertaker's books. + +Not in the churchyard? Not even there. The gates were closed; the +night was dark and wet; the rain fell silently, among the stagnant +weeds and nettles. One new mound was there which had not been there +last night. Time, burrowing like a mole below the ground, had +marked his track by throwing up another heap of earth. And that was +all. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY + +IS A CHAPTER OF LOVE + + +'Pecksniff,' said Jonas, taking off his hat, to see that the black +crape band was all right; and finding that it was, putting it on +again, complacently; 'what do you mean to give your daughters when +they marry?' + +'My dear Mr Jonas,' cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous +smile, 'what a very singular inquiry!' + +'Now, don't you mind whether it's a singular inquiry or a plural +one,' retorted Jonas, eyeing Mr Pecksniff with no great favour, 'but +answer it, or let it alone. One or the other.' + +'Hum! The question, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his +hand tenderly upon his kinsman's knee, 'is involved with many +considerations. What would I give them? Eh?' + +'Ah! what would you give 'em?' repeated Jonas. + +'Why, that, 'said Mr Pecksniff, 'would naturally depend in a great +measure upon the kind of husbands they might choose, my dear young +friend.' + +Mr Jonas was evidently disconcerted, and at a loss how to proceed. +It was a good answer. It seemed a deep one, but such is the wisdom +of simplicity!' + +'My standard for the merits I would require in a son-in-law,' said +Mr Pecksniff, after a short silence, 'is a high one. Forgive me, my +dear Mr Jonas,' he added, greatly moved, 'if I say that you have +spoiled me, and made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a +prismatically tinged one, if I may be permitted to call it so.' + +'What do you mean by that?' growled Jonas, looking at him with +increased disfavour. + +'Indeed, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you may well inquire. +The heart is not always a royal mint, with patent machinery to work +its metal into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange +forms, not easily recognized as coin at all. But it is sterling +gold. It has at least that merit. It is sterling gold.' + +'Is it?' grumbled Jonas, with a doubtful shake of the head. + +'Aye!' said Mr Pecksniff, warming with his subject 'it is. To be +plain with you, Mr Jonas, if I could find two such sons-in-law as +you will one day make to some deserving man, capable of appreciating +a nature such as yours, I would--forgetful of myself--bestow upon my +daughters portions reaching to the very utmost limit of my means.' + +This was strong language, and it was earnestly delivered. But who +can wonder that such a man as Mr Pecksniff, after all he had seen +and heard of Mr Jonas, should be strong and earnest upon such a +theme; a theme that touched even the worldly lips of undertakers +with the honey of eloquence! + +Mr Jonas was silent, and looked thoughtfully at the landscape. For +they were seated on the outside of the coach, at the back, and were +travelling down into the country. He accompanied Mr Pecksniff home +for a few days' change of air and scene after his recent trials. + +'Well,' he said, at last, with captivating bluntness, 'suppose you +got one such son-in-law as me, what then?' + +Mr Pecksniff regarded him at first with inexpressible surprise; then +gradually breaking into a sort of dejected vivacity, said: + +'Then well I know whose husband he would be!' + +'Whose?' asked Jonas, drily. + +'My eldest girl's, Mr Jonas,' replied Pecksniff, with moistening +eyes. 'My dear Cherry's; my staff, my scrip, my treasure, Mr Jonas. +A hard struggle, but it is in the nature of things! I must one day +part with her to a husband. I know it, my dear friend. I am +prepared for it.' + +'Ecod! you've been prepared for that a pretty long time, I should +think,' said Jonas. + +'Many have sought to bear her from me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'All +have failed. "I never will give my hand, papa"--those were her +words--"unless my heart is won." She has not been quite so happy as +she used to be, of late. I don't know why.' + +Again Mr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then +at the luggage on the roof; finally at Mr Pecksniff. + +'I suppose you'll have to part with the other one, some of these +days?' he observed, as he caught that gentleman's eye. + +'Probably,' said the parent. 'Years will tame down the wildness of +my foolish bird, and then it will be caged. But Cherry, Mr Jonas, +Cherry--' + +'Oh, ah!' interrupted Jonas. 'Years have made her all right enough. +Nobody doubts that. But you haven't answered what I asked you. Of +course, you're not obliged to do it, you know, if you don't like. +You're the best judge.' + +There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, which +admonished Mr Pecksniff that his dear friend was not to be trifled +with or fenced off, and that he must either return a straight- +forward reply to his question, or plainly give him to understand +that he declined to enlighten him upon the subject to which it +referred. Mindful in this dilemma of the caution old Anthony had +given him almost with his latest breath, he resolved to speak to the +point, and so told Mr Jonas (enlarging upon the communication as a +proof of his great attachment and confidence), that in the case he +had put; to wit, in the event of such a man as he proposing for his +daughter's hand, he would endow her with a fortune of four thousand +pounds. + +'I should sadly pinch and cramp myself to do so,' was his fatherly +remark; 'but that would be my duty, and my conscience would reward +me. For myself, my conscience is my bank. I have a trifle invested +there--a mere trifle, Mr Jonas--but I prize it as a store of value, +I assure you.' + +The good man's enemies would have divided upon this question into +two parties. One would have asserted without scruple that if Mr +Pecksniff's conscience were his bank, and he kept a running account +there, he must have overdrawn it beyond all mortal means of +computation. The other would have contended that it was a mere +fictitious form; a perfectly blank book; or one in which entries +were only made with a peculiar kind of invisible ink to become +legible at some indefinite time; and that he never troubled it at +all. + +'It would sadly pinch and cramp me, my dear friend,' repeated Mr +Pecksniff, 'but Providence--perhaps I may be permitted to say a +special Providence--has blessed my endeavours, and I could guarantee +to make the sacrifice.' + +A question of philosophy arises here, whether Mr Pecksniff had or +had not good reason to say that he was specially patronized and +encouraged in his undertakings. All his life long he had been +walking up and down the narrow ways and by-places, with a hook in +one hand and a crook in the other, scraping all sorts of valuable +odds and ends into his pouch. Now, there being a special Providence +in the fall of a sparrow, it follows (so Mr Pecksniff, and only +such admirable men, would have reasoned), that there must also +be a special Providence in the alighting of the stone or stick, +or other substance which is aimed at the sparrow. And Mr +Pecksniff's hook, or crook, having invariably knocked the sparrow +on the head and brought him down, that gentleman may have been +led to consider himself as specially licensed to bag sparrows, +and as being specially seized and possessed of all the birds he +had got together. That many undertakings, national as well as +individual--but especially the former--are held to be specially +brought to a glorious and successful issue, which never could be +so regarded on any other process of reasoning, must be clear to +all men. Therefore the precedents would seem to show that Mr +Pecksniff had (as things go) good argument for what he said and +might be permitted to say it, and did not say it presumptuously, +vainly, or arrogantly, but in a spirit of high faith and great +wisdom. + +Mr Jonas, not being much accustomed to perplex his mind with +theories of this nature, expressed no opinion on the subject. Nor +did he receive his companion's announcement with one solitary +syllable, good, bad, or indifferent. He preserved this taciturnity +for a quarter of an hour at least, and during the whole of that time +appeared to be steadily engaged in subjecting some given amount to +the operation of every known rule in figures; adding to it, taking +from it, multiplying it, reducing it by long and short division; +working it by the rule-of-three direct and inversed; exchange or +barter; practice; simple interest; compound interest; and other +means of arithmetical calculation. The result of these labours +appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did break silence, it +was as one who had arrived at some specific result, and freed +himself from a state of distressing uncertainty. + +'Come, old Pecksniff!'--Such was his jocose address, as he slapped +that gentleman on the back, at the end of the stage--'let's have +something!' + +'With all my heart,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Let's treat the driver,' cried Jonas. + +'If you think it won't hurt the man, or render him discontented with +his station--certainly,' faltered Mr Pecksniff. + +Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coach-top with +great alacrity, cut a cumbersome kind of caper in the road. After +which, he went into the public-house, and there ordered spirituous +drink to such an extent, that Mr Pecksniff had some doubts of his +perfect sanity, until Jonas set them quite at rest by saying, when +the coach could wait no longer: + +'I've been standing treat for a whole week and more, and letting you +have all the delicacies of the season. YOU shall pay for this +Pecksniff.' It was not a joke either, as Mr Pecksniff at first +supposed; for he went off to the coach without further ceremony, and +left his respected victim to settle the bill. + +But Mr Pecksniff was a man of meek endurance, and Mr Jonas was his +friend. Moreover, his regard for that gentleman was founded, as we +know, on pure esteem, and a knowledge of the excellence of his +character. He came out from the tavern with a smiling face, and +even went so far as to repeat the performance, on a less expensive +scale, at the next ale-house. There was a certain wildness in the +spirits of Mr Jonas (not usually a part of his character) which was +far from being subdued by these means, and, for the rest of the +journey, he was so very buoyant--it may be said, boisterous--that Mr +Pecksniff had some difficulty in keeping pace with him. + +They were not expected--oh dear, no! Mr Pecksniff had proposed in +London to give the girls a surprise, and had said he wouldn't write +a word to prepare them on any account, in order that he and Mr Jonas +might take them unawares, and just see what they were doing, when +they thought their dear papa was miles and miles away. As a +consequence of this playful device, there was nobody to meet them at +the finger-post, but that was of small consequence, for they had +come down by the day coach, and Mr Pecksniff had only a carpetbag, +while Mr Jonas had only a portmanteau. They took the portmanteau +between them, put the bag upon it, and walked off up the lane +without delay; Mr Pecksniff already going on tiptoe as if, without +this precaution, his fond children, being then at a distance of a +couple of miles or so, would have some filial sense of his approach. + +It was a lovely evening in the spring-time of the year; and in the +soft stillness of the twilight, all nature was very calm and +beautiful. The day had been fine and warm; but at the coming on of +night, the air grew cool, and in the mellowing distance smoke was +rising gently from the cottage chimneys. There were a thousand +pleasant scents diffused around, from young leaves and fresh buds; +the cuckoo had been singing all day long, and was but just now +hushed; the smell of earth newly-upturned, first breath of hope to +the first labourer after his garden withered, was fragrant in the +evening breeze. It was a time when most men cherish good resolves, +and sorrow for the wasted past; when most men, looking on the +shadows as they gather, think of that evening which must close on +all, and that to-morrow which has none beyond. + +'Precious dull,' said Mr Jonas, looking about. 'It's enough to make +a man go melancholy mad.' + +'We shall have lights and a fire soon,' observed Mr Pecksniff. + +'We shall need 'em by the time we get there,' said Jonas. 'Why the +devil don't you talk? What are you thinking of?' + +'To tell you the truth, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff with great +solemnity, 'my mind was running at that moment on our late dear +friend, your departed father.' + +Mr Jonas immediately let his burden fall, and said, threatening him +with his hand: + +'Drop that, Pecksniff!' + +Mr Pecksniff not exactly knowing whether allusion was made to the +subject or the portmanteau, stared at his friend in unaffected +surprise. + +'Drop it, I say!' cried Jonas, fiercely. 'Do you hear? Drop it, +now and for ever. You had better, I give you notice!' + +'It was quite a mistake,' urged Mr Pecksniff, very much dismayed; +'though I admit it was foolish. I might have known it was a tender +string.' + +'Don't talk to me about tender strings,' said Jonas, wiping his +forehead with the cuff of his coat. 'I'm not going to be crowed +over by you, because I don't like dead company.' + +Mr Pecksniff had got out the words 'Crowed over, Mr Jonas!' when +that young man, with a dark expression in his countenance, cut him +short once more: + +'Mind!' he said. 'I won't have it. I advise you not to revive the +subject, neither to me nor anybody else. You can take a hint, if +you choose as well as another man. There's enough said about it. +Come along!' + +Taking up his part of the load again, when he had said these words, +he hurried on so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at the other end of the +portmanteau, found himself dragged forward, in a very inconvenient +and ungraceful manner, to the great detriment of what is called by +fancy gentlemen 'the bark' upon his shins, which were most +unmercifully bumped against the hard leather and the iron buckles. +In the course of a few minutes, however, Mr Jonas relaxed his speed, +and suffered his companion to come up with him, and to bring the +portmanteau into a tolerably straight position. + +It was pretty clear that he regretted his late outbreak, and that he +mistrusted its effect on Mr Pecksniff; for as often as that +gentleman glanced towards Mr Jonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at +him, which was a new source of embarrassment. It was but a short- +lived one, though, for Mr Jonas soon began to whistle, whereupon Mr +Pecksniff, taking his cue from his friend, began to hum a tune +melodiously. + +'Pretty nearly there, ain't we?' said Jonas, when this had lasted +some time. + +'Close, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'What'll they be doing, do you suppose?' asked Jonas. + +'Impossible to say,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Giddy truants! They may +be away from home, perhaps. I was going to--he! he! he!--I was +going to propose,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that we should enter by the +back way, and come upon them like a clap of thunder, Mr Jonas.' + +It might not have been easy to decide in respect of which of their +manifold properties, Jonas, Mr Pecksniff, the carpet-bag, and the +portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr Jonas +giving his assent to this proposal, they stole round into the back +yard, and softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through which +the mingled light of fire and candle shone upon the darkening night. + +Truly Mr Pecksniff is blessed in his children--in one of them, at +any rate. The prudent Cherry--staff and scrip, and treasure of her +doting father--there she sits, at a little table white as driven +snow, before the kitchen fire, making up accounts! See the neat +maiden, as with pen in hand, and calculating look addressed towards +the ceiling and bunch of keys within a little basket at her side, +she checks the housekeeping expenditure! From flat-iron, dish-cover, +and warming-pan; from pot and kettle, face of brass footman, and +black-leaded stove; bright glances of approbation wink and glow upon +her. The very onions dangling from the beam, mantle and shine like +cherubs' cheeks. Something of the influence of those vegetables +sinks into Mr Pecksniff's nature. He weeps. + +It is but for a moment, and he hides it from the observation of his +friend--very carefully--by a somewhat elaborate use of his pocket- +handkerchief, in fact; for he would not have his weakness known. + +'Pleasant,' he murmured, 'pleasant to a father's feelings! My dear +girl! Shall we let her know we are here, Mr Jonas?' + +'Why, I suppose you don't mean to spend the evening in the stable, +or the coach-house,' he returned. + +'That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to YOU, my +friend,' cried Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand. And then he took a +long breath, and tapping at the window, shouted with stentorian +blandness: + +'Boh!' + +Cherry dropped her pen and screamed. But innocence is ever bold, or +should be. As they opened the door, the valiant girl exclaimed in a +firm voice, and with a presence of mind which even in that trying +moment did not desert her, 'Who are you? What do you want? Speak! +or I will call my Pa.' + +Mr Pecksniff held out his arms. She knew him instantly, and rushed +into his fond embrace. + +'It was thoughtless of us, Mr Jonas, it was very thoughtless,' said +Pecksniff, smoothing his daugther's hair. 'My darling, do you see +that I am not alone!' + +Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She saw Mr +Jonas now, though; and blushed, and hung her head down, as she gave +him welcome. + +But where was Merry? Mr Pecksniff didn't ask the question in +reproach, but in a vein of mildness touched with a gentle sorrow. +She was upstairs, reading on the parlour couch. Ah! Domestic +details had no charms for HER. 'But call her down,' said Mr +Pecksniff, with a placid resignation. 'Call her down, my love.' + +She was called and came, all flushed and tumbled from reposing on +the sofa; but none the worse for that. No, not at all. Rather the +better, if anything. + +'Oh my goodness me!' cried the arch girl, turning to her cousin when +she had kissed her father on both cheeks, and in her frolicsome +nature had bestowed a supernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, +'YOU here, fright! Well, I'm very thankful that you won't trouble ME +much!' + +'What! you're as lively as ever, are you?' said Jonas. 'Oh! You're +a wicked one!' + +'There, go along!' retorted Merry, pushing him away. 'I'm sure I +don't know what I shall ever do, if I have to see much of you. Go +along, for gracious' sake!' + +Mr Pecksniff striking in here, with a request that Mr Jonas would +immediately walk upstairs, he so far complied with the young lady's +adjuration as to go at once. But though he had the fair Cherry on +his arm, he could not help looking back at her sister, and +exchanging some further dialogue of the same bantering description, +as they all four ascended to the parlour; where--for the young +ladies happened, by good fortune, to be a little later than usual +that night--the tea-board was at that moment being set out. + +Mr Pinch was not at home, so they had it all to themselves, and were +very snug and talkative, Jonas sitting between the two sisters, and +displaying his gallantry in that engaging manner which was peculiar +to him. It was a hard thing, Mr Pecksniff said, when tea was done, +and cleared away, to leave so pleasant a little party, but having +some important papers to examine in his own apartment, he must beg +them to excuse him for half an hour. With this apology he withdrew, +singing a careless strain as he went. He had not been gone five +minutes, when Merry, who had been sitting in the window, apart from +Jonas and her sister, burst into a half-smothered laugh, and skipped +towards the door. + +'Hallo!' cried Jonas. 'Don't go.' + +'Oh, I dare say!' rejoined Merry, looking back. 'You're very +anxious I should stay, fright, ain't you?' + +'Yes, I am,' said Jonas. 'Upon my word I am. I want to speak to +you.' But as she left the room notwithstanding, he ran out after +her, and brought her back, after a short struggle in the passage +which scandalized Miss Cherry very much. + +'Upon my word, Merry,' urged that young lady, 'I wonder at you! +There are bounds even to absurdity, my dear.' + +'Thank you, my sweet,' said Merry, pursing up her rosy Lips. 'Much +obliged to it for its advice. Oh! do leave me alone, you monster, +do!' This entreaty was wrung from her by a new proceeding on the +part of Mr Jonas, who pulled her down, all breathless as she was, +into a seat beside him on the sofa, having at the same time Miss +Cherry upon the other side. + +'Now,' said Jonas, clasping the waist of each; 'I have got both arms +full, haven't I?' + +'One of them will be black and blue to-morrow, if you don't let me +go,' cried the playful Merry. + +'Ah! I don't mind YOUR pinching,' grinned Jonas, 'a bit.' + +'Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,' said Mercy. 'I never did hate +anybody so much as I hate this creature, I declare!' + +'No, no, don't say that,' urged Jonas, 'and don't pinch either, +because I want to be serious. I say--Cousin Charity--' + +'Well! what?' she answered sharply. + +'I want to have some sober talk,' said Jonas; 'I want to prevent any +mistakes, you know, and to put everything upon a pleasant +understanding. That's desirable and proper, ain't it?' + +Neither of the sisters spoke a word. Mr Jonas paused and cleared +his throat, which was very dry. + +'She'll not believe what I am going to say, will she, cousin?' said +Jonas, timidly squeezing Miss Charity. + +'Really, Mr Jonas, I don't know, until I hear what it is. It's +quite impossible!' + +'Why, you see,' said Jonas, 'her way always being to make game of +people, I know she'll laugh, or pretend to--I know that, beforehand. +But you can tell her I'm in earnest, cousin; can't you? You'll +confess you know, won't you? You'll be honourable, I'm sure,' +he added persuasively. + +No answer. His throat seemed to grow hotter and hotter, and to be +more and more difficult of control. + +'You see, Cousin Charity,' said Jonas, 'nobody but you can tell her +what pains I took to get into her company when you were both at the +boarding-house in the city, because nobody's so well aware of it, you +know. Nobody else can tell her how hard I tried to get to know you +better, in order that I might get to know her without seeming to +wish it; can they? I always asked you about her, and said where +had she gone, and when would she come, and how lively she was, and +all that; didn't I, cousin? I know you'll tell her so, if you +haven't told her so already, and--and--I dare say you have, because +I'm sure you're honourable, ain't you?' + +Still not a word. The right arm of Mr Jonas--the elder sister sat +upon his right--may have been sensible of some tumultuous throbbing +which was not within itself; but nothing else apprised him that his +words had had the least effect. + +'Even if you kept it to yourself, and haven't told her,' resumed +Jonas, 'it don't much matter, because you'll bear honest witness +now; won't you? We've been very good friends from the first; +haven't we? and of course we shall be quite friends in future, and +so I don't mind speaking before you a bit. Cousin Mercy, you've +heard what I've been saying. She'll confirm it, every word; she +must. Will you have me for your husband? Eh?' + +As he released his hold of Charity, to put this question with better +effect, she started up and hurried away to her own room, marking her +progress as she went by such a train of passionate and incoherent +sound, as nothing but a slighted woman in her anger could produce. + +'Let me go away. Let me go after her,' said Merry, pushing him off, +and giving him--to tell the truth--more than one sounding slap upon +his outstretched face. + +'Not till you say yes. You haven't told me. Will you have me for +your husband?' + +'No, I won't. I can't bear the sight of you. I have told you so a +hundred times. You are a fright. Besides, I always thought you +liked my sister best. We all thought so.' + +'But that wasn't my fault,' said Jonas. + +'Yes it was; you know it was.' + +'Any trick is fair in love,' said Jonas. 'She may have thought I +liked her best, but you didn't.' + +'I did!' + +'No, you didn't. You never could have thought I liked her best, +when you were by.' + +'There's no accounting for tastes,' said Merry; 'at least I didn't +mean to say that. I don't know what I mean. Let me go to her.' + +'Say "Yes," and then I will.' + +'If I ever brought myself to say so, it should only be that I might +hate and tease you all my life.' + +'That's as good,' cried Jonas, 'as saying it right out. It's a +bargain, cousin. We're a pair, if ever there was one.' + +This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing and +slapping; and then the fair but much dishevelled Merry broke away, +and followed in the footsteps of her sister. + +Now whether Mr Pecksniff had been listening--which in one of his +character appears impossible; or divined almost by inspiration what +the matter was--which, in a man of his sagacity is far more +probable; or happened by sheer good fortune to find himself in +exactly the right place, at precisely the right time--which, under +the special guardianship in which he lived might very reasonably +happen; it is quite certain that at the moment when the sisters came +together in their own room, he appeared at the chamber door. And a +marvellous contrast it was--they so heated, noisy, and vehement; he +so calm, so self-possessed, so cool and full of peace, that not a +hair upon his head was stirred. + +'Children!' said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, +but not before he had shut the door, and set his back against it. +'Girls! Daughters! What is this?' + +'The wretch; the apostate; the false, mean, odious villain; has +before my very face proposed to Mercy!' was his eldest daughter's +answer. + +'Who has proposed to Mercy!' asked Mr Pecksniff. + +'HE has. That thing, Jonas, downstairs.' + +'Jonas proposed to Mercy?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye! Indeed!' + +'Have you nothing else to say?' cried Charity. 'Am I to be driven +mad, papa? He has proposed to Mercy, not to me.' + +'Oh, fie! For shame!' said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. 'Oh, for shame! +Can the triumph of a sister move you to this terrible display, my +child? Oh, really this is very sad! I am sorry; I am surprised and +hurt to see you so. Mercy, my girl, bless you! See to her. Ah, +envy, envy, what a passion you are!' + +Uttering this apostrophe in a tone full of grief and lamentation, Mr +Pecksniff left the room (taking care to shut the door behind him), +and walked downstairs into the parlour. There he found his +intended son-in-law, whom he seized by both hands. + +'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart +is now fulfilled!' + +'Very well; I'm glad to hear it,' said Jonas. 'That'll do. I say! +As it ain't the one you're so fond of, you must come down with +another thousand, Pecksniff. You must make it up five. It's worth +that, to keep your treasure to yourself, you know. You get off very +cheap that way, and haven't a sacrifice to make.' + +The grin with which he accompanied this, set off his other +attractions to such unspeakable advantage, that even Mr Pecksniff +lost his presence of mind for a moment, and looked at the young man +as if he were quite stupefied with wonder and admiration. But he +quickly regained his composure, and was in the very act of changing +the subject, when a hasty step was heard without, and Tom Pinch, in +a state of great excitement, came darting into the room. + +On seeing a stranger there, apparently engaged with Mr Pecksniff in +private conversation, Tom was very much abashed, though he still +looked as if he had something of great importance to communicate, +which would be a sufficient apology for his intrusion. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'this is hardly decent. You will excuse +my saying that I think your conduct scarcely decent, Mr Pinch.' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' replied Tom, 'for not knocking at the +door.' + +'Rather beg this gentleman's pardon, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I +know you; he does not.--My young man, Mr Jonas.' + +The son-in-law that was to be gave him a slight nod--not actively +disdainful or contemptuous, only passively; for he was in a good +humour. + +'Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?' said Tom. +'It's rather pressing.' + +'It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr +Pinch,' returned his master. 'Excuse me for one moment, my dear +friend. Now, sir, what is the reason of this rough intrusion?' + +'I am very sorry, sir, I am sure,' said Tom, standing, cap in hand, +before his patron in the passage; 'and I know it must have a very +rude appearance--' + +'It HAS a very rude appearance, Mr Pinch.' + +'Yes, I feel that, sir; but the truth is, I was so surprised to see +them, and knew you would be too, that I ran home very fast indeed, +and really hadn't enough command over myself to know what I was +doing very well. I was in the church just now, sir, touching the +organ for my own amusement, when I happened to look round, and saw a +gentleman and lady standing in the aisle listening. They seemed to +be strangers, sir, as well as I could make out in the dusk; and I +thought I didn't know them; so presently I left off, and said, would +they walk up into the organ-loft, or take a seat? No, they said, +they wouldn't do that; but they thanked me for the music they had +heard. In fact,' observed Tom, blushing, 'they said, "Delicious +music!" at least, SHE did; and I am sure that was a greater pleasure +and honour to me than any compliment I could have had. I--I--beg +your pardon sir;' he was all in a tremble, and dropped his hat for +the second time 'but I--I'm rather flurried, and I fear I've +wandered from the point.' + +'If you will come back to it, Thomas,' said Mr Pecksniff, with an +icy look, 'I shall feel obliged.' + +'Yes, sir,' returned Tom, 'certainly. They had a posting carriage +at the porch, sir, and had stopped to hear the organ, they said. +And then they said--SHE said, I mean, "I believe you live with Mr +Pecksniff, sir?" I said I had that honour, and I took the liberty, +sir,' added Tom, raising his eyes to his benefactor's face, 'of +saying, as I always will and must, with your permission, that I was +under great obligations to you, and never could express my sense of +them sufficiently.' + +'That,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'was very, very wrong. Take your time, +Mr Pinch.' + +'Thank you, sir,' cried Tom. 'On that they asked me--she asked, I +mean--"Wasn't there a bridle road to Mr Pecksniff's house?"' + +Mr Pecksniff suddenly became full of interest. + +'"Without going by the Dragon?" When I said there was, and said how +happy I should be to show it 'em, they sent the carriage on by the +road, and came with me across the meadows. I left 'em at the +turnstile to run forward and tell you they were coming, and they'll +be here, sir, in--in less than a minute's time, I should say,' added +Tom, fetching his breath with difficulty. + +'Now, who,' said Mr Pecksniff, pondering, 'who may these people be?' + +'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, 'I meant to mention that at first, +I thought I had. I knew them--her, I mean--directly. The gentleman +who was ill at the Dragon, sir, last winter; and the young lady who +attended him.' + +Tom's teeth chattered in his head, and he positively staggered with +amazement, at witnessing the extraordinary effect produced on Mr +Pecksniff by these simple words. The dread of losing the old man's +favour almost as soon as they were reconciled, through the mere fact +of having Jonas in the house; the impossibility of dismissing Jonas, +or shutting him up, or tying him hand and foot and putting him in +the coal-cellar, without offending him beyond recall; the horrible +discordance prevailing in the establishment, and the impossibility +of reducing it to decent harmony with Charity in loud hysterics, +Mercy in the utmost disorder, Jonas in the parlour, and Martin +Chuzzlewit and his young charge upon the very doorsteps; the total +hopelessness of being able to disguise or feasibly explain this +state of rampant confusion; the sudden accumulation over his devoted +head of every complicated perplexity and entanglement for his +extrication from which he had trusted to time, good fortune, chance, +and his own plotting, so filled the entrapped architect with dismay, +that if Tom could have been a Gorgon staring at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr +Pecksniff could have been a Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not +have horrified each other half so much as in their own bewildered +persons. + +'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'what have I done? I hoped it would be a +pleasant surprise, sir. I thought you would like to know.' + +But at that moment a loud knocking was heard at the hall door. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE + +MORE AMERICAN EXPERIENCES, MARTIN TAKES A PARTNER, AND MAKES A +PURCHASE. SOME ACCOUNT OF EDEN, AS IT APPEARED ON PAPER. ALSO OF +THE BRITISH LION. ALSO OF THE KIND OF SYMPATHY PROFESSED AND +ENTERTAINED BY THE WATERTOAST ASSOCIATION OF UNITED SYMPATHISERS + + +The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore no +resemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at +full speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this +frank admission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now +deafening this history's ears have any connection with the knocker on +Mr Pecksniff's door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty +equally divided between that worthy man and Mr Pinch, of which its +strong performance was the cause. + +Mr Pecksniff's house is more than a thousand leagues away; and again +this happy chronicle has Liberty and Moral Sensibility for its high +companions. Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; +again it contemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders +unto Ceasar nothing that is his; again inhales that sacred +atmosphere which was the life of him--oh noble patriot, with many +followers!--who dreamed of Freedom in a slave's embrace, and waking +sold her offspring and his own in public markets. + +How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tram-road shakes, as the +train rushes on! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and +tortured like a living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor +fancy; for steel and iron are of infinitely greater account, in this +commonwealth, than flesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be +urged beyond its power of endurance, it has within it the elements +of its own revenge; whereas the wretched mechanism of the Divine +Hand is dangerous with no such property, but may be tampered with, +and crushed, and broken, at the driver's pleasure. Look at that +engine! It shall cost a man more dollars in the way of penalty and +fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law, to deface in wantonness +that senseless mass of metal, than to take the lives of twenty human +creatures! Thus the stars wink upon the bloody stripes; and Liberty +pulls down her cap upon her eyes, and owns Oppression in its vilest +aspect, for her sister. + +The engine-driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present +chapter was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these; +nor is it very probable that his mind was disturbed by any +reflections at all. He leaned with folded arms and crossed legs +against the side of the carriage, smoking; and, except when he +expressed, by a grunt as short as his pipe, his approval of some +particularly dexterous aim on the part of his colleague, the +fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs of wood from the +tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line, he preserved a +composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete, that if the +locomotive had been a sucking-pig, he could not have been more +perfectly indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquil +state of this officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was +proceeding with tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly +laid, the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were neither +slight nor few. + +There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, +the gentlemen's car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted +black, as an appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark +Tapley were in the first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being +far from full, received other gentlemen who, like them, were +unblessed by the society of ladies of their own. They were seated +side by side, and were engaged in earnest conversation. + +'And so, Mark,' said Martin, looking at him with an anxious +expression, 'and so you are glad we have left New York far behind +us, are you?' + +'Yes, sir,' said Mark. 'I am. Precious glad.' + +'Were you not "jolly" there?' asked Martin. + +'On the contrairy, sir,' returned Mark. 'The jolliest week as ever +I spent in my life, was that there week at Pawkins's.' + +'What do you think of our prospects?' inquired Martin, with an air +that plainly said he had avoided the question for some time. + +'Uncommon bright, sir,' returned Mark. 'Impossible for a place to +have a better name, sir, than the Walley of Eden. No man couldn't +think of settling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And +I'm told,' added Mark, after a pause, 'as there's lots of serpents +there, so we shall come out, quite complete and reg'lar.' + +So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with +the least dismay, Mark's face grew radiant as he called it to mind; +so very radiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his +life been yearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with +delight the approaching consummation of his fondest wishes. + +'Who told you that?' asked Martin, sternly. + +'A military officer,' said Mark. + +'Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!' cried Martin, laughing +heartily in spite of himself. 'What military officer? You know +they spring up in every field.' + +'As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,' interposed Mark, 'which is +a sort of milita themselves, being entirely coat and wescoat, with a +stick inside. Ha, ha!--Don't mind me, sir; it's my way sometimes. I +can't help being jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors +at Pawkins's, as told me. "Am I rightly informed," he says--not +exactly through his nose, but as if he'd got a stoppage in it, very +high up--"that you're a-going to the Walley of Eden?" "I heard some +talk on it," I told him. "Oh!" says he, "if you should ever happen +to go to bed there--you MAY, you know," he says, "in course of time +as civilisation progresses--don't forget to take a axe with you." I +looks at him tolerable hard. "Fleas?" says I. "And more," says he. +"Wampires?" says I. "And more," says he. "Musquitoes, perhaps?" +says I. "And more," says he. "What more?" says I. "Snakes more," +says he; "rattle-snakes. You're right to a certain extent, +stranger. There air some catawampous chawers in the small way too, +as graze upon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEM--they're +company. It's snakes," he says, "as you'll object to; and whenever +you wake and see one in a upright poster on your bed," he says, +"like a corkscrew with the handle off a-sittin' on its bottom ring, +cut him down, for he means wenom."' + +'Why didn't you tell me this before!' cried Martin, with an +expression of face which set off the cheerfulness of Mark's visage +to great advantage. + +'I never thought on it, sir,' said Mark. 'It come in at one ear, +and went out at the other. But Lord love us, he was one of another +Company, I dare say, and only made up the story that we might go to +his Eden, and not the opposition one' + +'There's some probability in that,' observed Martin. 'I can +honestly say that I hope so, with all my heart.' + +'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of the +inspiriting influence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the +moment forgotten its probable effect upon his master; 'anyhow, we +must live, you know, sir.' + +'Live!' cried Martin. 'Yes, it's easy to say live; but if we should +happen not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of +themselves upon our beds, it may be not so easy to do it.' + +'And that's a fact,' said a voice so close in his ear that it +tickled him. 'That's dreadful true.' + +Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, +had thrust his head between himself and Mark, and sat with his chin +resting on the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself +with their conversation. He was as languid and listless in his +looks as most of the gentlemen they had seen; his cheeks were so +hollow that he seemed to be always sucking them in; and the sun had +burnt him, not a wholesome red or brown, but dirty yellow. He had +bright dark eyes, which he kept half closed; only peeping out of the +corners, and even then with a glance that seemed to say, 'Now you +won't overreach me; you want to, but you won't.' His arms rested +carelessly on his knees as he leant forward; in the palm of his left +hand, as English rustics have their slice of cheese, he had a cake +of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struck into the dialogue +with as little reserve as if he had been specially called in, days +before, to hear the arguments on both sides, and favour them with +his opinion; and he no more contemplated or cared for the +possibility of their not desiring the honour of his acquaintance or +interference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or +a buffalo. + +'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an +outer barbarian and foreigner, 'is dreadful true. Darn all manner +of vermin.' + +Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed +to insinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously 'darned' himself. +But remembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled +with the pleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a +notice. + +Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed in +cutting a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling +softly to himself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, +he took out his old plug, and deposited the same on the back of the +seat between Mark and Martin, while he thrust the new one into the +hollow of his cheek, where it looked like a large walnut, or +tolerable pippin. Finding it quite satisfactory, he stuck the point +of his knife into the old plug, and holding it out for their +inspection, remarked with the air of a man who had not lived in +vain, that it was 'used up considerable.' Then he tossed it away; +put his knife into one pocket and his tobacco into another; rested +his chin upon the rail as before; and approving of the pattern on +Martin's waistcoat, reached out his hand to feel the texture of that +garment. + +'What do you call this now?' he asked. + +'Upon my word' said Martin, 'I don't know what it's called.' + +'It'll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon?' + +'I really don't know.' + +'In my country,' said the gentleman, 'we know the cost of our own +pro-duce.' + +Martin not discussing the question, there was a pause. + +'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently +during the whole interval of silence; 'how's the unnat'ral old +parent by this time?' + +Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the +impertinent English question, 'How's your mother?' would have +resented it instantly, but for Martin's prompt interposition. + +'You mean the old country?' he said. + +'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, +as usual? Well! How's Queen Victoria?' + +'In good health, I believe,' said Martin. + +'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she +hears to-morrow named,' observed the stranger, 'No.' + +'Not that I am aware of. Why should she?' + +'She won't be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is +being done in these diggings,' said the stranger. 'No.' + +'No,' said Martin. 'I think I could take my oath of that.' + +The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance +or prejudice, and said: + +'Well, sir, I tell you this--there ain't a engine with its biler +bust, in God A'mighty's free U-nited States, so fixed, and nipped, +and frizzled to a most e-tarnal smash, as that young critter, in her +luxurious location in the Tower of London will be, when she reads +the next double-extra Watertoast Gazette.' + +Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round +during the foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this +speech. One very lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long +white waistcoat, and a black great-coat, who seemed to be in +authority among them, felt called upon to acknowledge it. + +'Hem! Mr La Fayette Kettle,' he said, taking off his hat. + +There was a grave murmur of 'Hush!' + +'Mr La Fayette Kettle! Sir!' + +Mr Kettle bowed. + +'In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common +country, and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in +which we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of +the Watertoast Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name of +the Watertoast Gazette; and I thank you, sir, in the name of the +star-spangled banner of the Great United States, for your eloquent +and categorical exposition. And if, sir,' said the speaker, poking +Martin with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for +he was listening to a whisper from Mark; 'if, sir, in such a place, +and at such a time, I might venture to con-clude with a sentiment, +glancing--however slantin'dicularly--at the subject in hand, I +would say, sir, may the British Lion have his talons eradicated by +the noble bill of the American Eagle, and be taught to play upon the +Irish Harp and the Scotch Fiddle that music which is breathed in +every empty shell that lies upon the shores of green Co-lumbia!' + +Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; +and every one looked very grave. + +'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, +you warm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, +sir; and I should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.' + +'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour +to consider me his representative, I have only to say that I never +heard of Queen Victoria reading the What's-his-name Gazette and that +I should scarcely think it probable.' + +General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and +benignant explanation: + +'It is sent to her, sir. It is sent to her. Her mail.' + +'But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come +to hand, I fear,' returned Martin; 'for she don't live there.' + +'The Queen of England, gentlemen,' observed Mr Tapley, affecting the +greatest politeness, and regarding them with an immovable face, +'usually lives in the Mint to take care of the money. She HAS +lodgings, in virtue of her office, with the Lord Mayor at the +Mansion House; but don't often occupy them, in consequence of the +parlour chimney smoking.' + +'Mark,' said Martin, 'I shall be very much obliged to you if you'll +have the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, +however jocose they may appear to you. I was merely remarking +gentlemen--though it's a point of very little import--that the +Queen of England does not happen to live in the Tower of London.' + +'General!' cried Mr La Fayette Kettle. 'You hear?' + +'General!' echoed several others. 'General!' + +'Hush! Pray, silence!' said General Choke, holding up his hand, and +speaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quite +touching. 'I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary +circumstance, which I impute to the natur' of British Institutions +and their tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and information +which air so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this +vast Continent of the Western Ocean; that the knowledge of +Britishers themselves on such points is not to be compared with that +possessed by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is +interesting, and confirms my observation. When you say, sir,' he +continued, addressing Martin, 'that your Queen does not reside in +the Tower of London, you fall into an error, not uncommon to your +countrymen, even when their abilities and moral elements air such as +to command respect. But, sir, you air wrong. She DOES live there--' + +'When she is at the Court of Saint James's,' interposed Kettle. + +'When she is at the Court of Saint James's, of course,' returned the +General, in the same benignant way; 'for if her location was in +Windsor Pavilion it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your +Tower of London, sir,' pursued the General, smiling with a mild +consciousness of his knowledge, 'is nat'rally your royal residence. +Being located in the immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your +Drives, your Triumphant Arches, your Opera, and your Royal Almacks, +it nat'rally suggests itself as the place for holding a luxurious +and thoughtless court. And, consequently,' said the General, +'consequently, the court is held there.' + +'Have you been in England?' asked Martin. + +'In print I have, sir,' said the General, 'not otherwise. We air a +reading people here, sir. You will meet with much information among +us that will surprise you, sir.' + +'I have not the least doubt of it,' returned Martin. But here he +was interrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear: + +'You know General Choke?' + +'No,' returned Martin, in the same tone. + +'You know what he is considered?' + +'One of the most remarkable men in the country?' said Martin, at a +venture. + +'That's a fact,' rejoined Kettle. 'I was sure you must have heard +of him!' + +'I think,' said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, +'that I have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of +introduction to you, sir. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,' he +added, giving it to him. + +The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping +to glance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he +came over to Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands. + +'Well!' he said, 'and you think of settling in Eden?' + +'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' replied Martin. +'I am told there is nothing to be done in the old towns.' + +'I can introduce you to the agent, sir,' said the General. 'I know +him. In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself.' + +This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great +stress upon the General's having no connection, as he thought, with +any land company, and therefore being likely to give him +disinterested advice. The General explained that he had joined the +Corporation only a few weeks ago, and that no communication had +passed between himself and Mr Bevan since. + +'We have very little to venture,' said Martin anxiously--'only a few +pounds--but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of my +profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in +it?' + +'Well,' observed the General, gravely, 'if there wasn't any hope or +chance in the speculation, it wouldn't have engaged my dollars, I +opinionate.' + +'I don't mean for the sellers,' said Martin. 'For the buyers--for +the buyers!' + +'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressive +manner. 'Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, +that has piled up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped 'em +for ages. We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval +state here, sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed in the +slow course of time into degenerate practices; we have no false +gods; man, sir, here, is man in all his dignity. We fought for that +or nothing. Here am I, sir,' said the General, setting up his +umbrella to represent himself, and a villanous-looking umbrella it +was; a very bad counter to stand for the sterling coin of his +benevolence, 'here am I with grey hairs sir, and a moral sense. +Would I, with my principles, invest capital in this speculation if I +didn't think it full of hopes and chances for my brother man?' + +Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and +found it difficult. + +'What are the Great United States for, sir,' pursued the General 'if +not for the regeneration of man? But it is nat'ral in you to make +such an enquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my +country.' + +'Then you think,' said Martin, 'that allowing for the hardships we +are prepared to undergo, there is a reasonable--Heaven knows we +don't expect much--a reasonable opening in this place?' + +'A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the +agent; see the maps and plans, sir; and conclude to go or stay, +according to the natur' of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go +a-begging yet, sir,' remarked the General. + +'It is an awful lovely place, sure-ly. And frightful wholesome, +likewise!' said Mr Kettle, who had made himself a party to this +conversation as a matter of course. + +Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason +than because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would be +ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his +promise to put him in personal communication with the agent; and +'concluded' to see that officer next morning. He then begged the +General to inform him who the Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom +he had spoken in addressing Mr La Fayette Kettle, and on what +grievances they bestowed their Sympathy. To which the General, +looking very serious, made answer, that he might fully enlighten +himself on those points to-morrow by attending a Great Meeting of +the Body, which would then be held at the town to which they were +travelling; 'over which, sir,' said the General, 'my fellow-citizens +have called on me to preside.' + +They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to the +railway was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on +which was painted 'NATIONAL HOTEL.' There was a wooden gallery or +verandah in front, in which it was rather startling, when the train +stopped, to behold a great many pairs of boots and shoes, and the +smoke of a great many cigars, but no other evidences of human +habitation. By slow degrees, however, some heads and shoulders +appeared, and connecting themselves with the boots and shoes, led to +the discovery that certain gentlemen boarders, who had a fancy for +putting their heels where the gentlemen boarders in other countries +usually put their heads, were enjoying themselves after their own +manner in the cool of the evening. + +There was a great bar-room in this hotel, and a great public room in +which the general table was being set out for supper. There were +interminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries +upstairs and downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and +a four-sided verandah to every story in the house, which formed a +large brick square with an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, +where some clothes were drying. Here and there, some yawning +gentlemen lounged up and down with their hands in their pockets; but +within the house and without, wherever half a dozen people were +collected together, there, in their looks, dress, morals, manners, +habits, intellect, and conversation, were Mr Jefferson Brick, +Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr La Fayette +Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the same things; +said the same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced all +subjects to, the same standard. Observing how they lived, and how +they were always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin +even began to comprehend their being the social, cheerful, winning, +airy men they were. + +At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went +trooping down from all parts of the house to the public room; while +from the neighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in +shoals; for half the town, married folks as well as single, resided +at the National Hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, +pickles, cake, toast, preserves, and bread and butter, were +swallowed with the usual ravaging speed; and then, as before, the +company dropped off by degrees, and lounged away to the desk, the +counter, or the bar-room. The ladies had a smaller ordinary of +their own, to which their husbands and brothers were admitted if +they chose; and in all other respects they enjoyed themselves as at +Pawkins's. + +'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his +little chamber, 'we must hold a solemn council, for our fate is +decided to-morrow morning. You are determined to invest these +savings of yours in the common stock, are you?' + +'If I hadn't been determined to make that wentur, sir,' answered Mr +Tapley, 'I shouldn't have come.' + +'How much is there here, did you say' asked Martin, holding up a +little bag. + +'Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so at +least. I never counted it. But THEY know, bless you!' said Mark, +with a shake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in +the wisdom and arithmetic of those Institutions. + +'The money we brought with us,' said Martin, 'is reduced to a few +shillings less than eight pounds.' + +Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not +be supposed to attach any importance to this fact. + +'Upon the ring--HER ring, Mark,' said Martin, looking ruefully at +his empty finger-- + +'Ah!' sighed Mr Tapley. 'Beg your pardon, sir.' + +'--We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with +that, your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the +two you see. Now, Mark,' said Martin, in his old way, just as he +might have spoken to Tom Pinch, 'I have thought of a means of making +this up to you--more than making it up to you, I hope--and very +materially elevating your prospects in life.' + +'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't +want no elevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I am.' + +'No, but hear me,' said Martin, 'because this is very important to +you, and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner +in the business; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my +additional capital, my professional knowledge and ability; and half +the annual profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.' + +Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his +very selfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and +sanguine plans. Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness +of patronizing and most munificently rewarding Mark! + +'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom +was, though from a very different cause than Martin supposed, 'what +I can say to this, in the way of thanking you. I'll stand by you, +sir, to the best of my ability, and to the last. That's all.' + +'We quite understand each other, my good fellow,' said Martin rising +in self-approval and condescension. 'We are no longer master and +servant, but friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If +we determine on Eden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we +get there. Under the name,' said Martin, who never hammered upon an +idea that wasn't red hot, 'under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.' + +'Lord love you, sir,' cried Mark, 'don't have my name in it. I +ain't acquainted with the business, sir. I must be Co., I must. +I've often thought,' he added, in a low voice, 'as I should like to +know a Co.; but I little thought as ever I should live to be one.' + +'You shall have your own way, Mark.' + +'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public +way, or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a skittle-ground made, I +could take that part of the bis'ness, sir.' + +'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple +of sherry-cobblers, Mark, and we'll drink success to the firm.' + +Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no +longer master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be +among the legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his +usual alacrity; and before they parted for the night, it was agreed +between them that they should go together to the agent's in the +morning, but that Martin should decide the Eden question, on his own +sound judgment. And Mark made no merit, even to himself in his +jollity, of this concession; perfectly well knowing that the matter +would come to that in the end, any way. + +The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and +after breakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent +without loss of time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off +they all four started for the office of the Eden Settlement, which +was almost within rifle-shot of the National Hotel. + +It was a small place--something like a turnpike. But a great deal +of land may be got into a dice-box, and why may not a whole +territory be bargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office +too; for the Edeners were 'going' to build a superb establishment +for the transaction of their business, and had already got so far as +to mark out the site. Which is a great way in America. The office- +door was wide open, and in the doorway was the agent; no doubt a +tremendous fellow to get through his work, for he seemed to have no +arrears, but was swinging backwards and forwards in a rocking-chair, +with one of his legs planted high up against the door-post, and the +other doubled up under him, as if he were hatching his foot. + +He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. +The weather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar +wide open; so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch +and jerk up in his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord +when the notes are struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly +endeavouring to leap to his lips. If so, it never reached them. + +Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them +had no sight in it, and stood stock still. With that side of his +face he seemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus +each profile had a distinct expression; and when the movable side +was most in action, the rigid one was in its coldest state of +watchfulness. It was like turning the man inside out, to pass to +that view of his features in his liveliest mood, and see how +calculating and intent they were. + +Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any +plummet line; but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes, as +if the crow whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked +and torn them in a savage recognition of his kindred nature as a +bird of prey. + +Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General +saluted by the name of Scadder. + +'Well, Gen'ral,' he returned, 'and how are you?' + +'Ac-tive and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympathetic +cause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr Scadder.' + +He shook hands with each of them--nothing is done in America without +shaking hands--then went on rocking. + +'I think I know what bis'ness you have brought these strangers here +upon, then, Gen'ral?' + +'Well, sir. I expect you may.' + +'You air a tongue-y person, Gen'ral. For you talk too much, and +that's fact,' said Scadder. 'You speak a-larming well in public, +but you didn't ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!' + +'If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!' returned the +General, after pausing for consideration. + +'You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any +loafer as might bid,' said Scadder; 'but had con-cluded to reserve +'em for Aristocrats of Natur'. Yes!' + +'And they are here, sir!' cried the General with warmth. 'They +are here, sir!' + +'If they air here,' returned the agent, in reproachful accents, +'that's enough. But you didn't ought to have your dander ris with +ME, Gen'ral.' + +The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow +in the world, and that he wouldn't have given him offence +designedly, for ten thousand dollars. + +'I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as I +wish to serve,' said Scadder in a low voice, looking down the road +and rocking still. 'They rile up rough, along of my objecting to +their selling Eden off too cheap. That's human natur'! Well!' + +'Mr Scadder,' said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment. +'Sir! Here is my hand, and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and +ask your pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would +not have brought 'em here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots +at present go entirely too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these +air partick'ler friends.' + +Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook the +General warmly by the hand, and got out of the rocking-chair to do +it. He then invited the General's particular friends to accompany +him into the office. As to the General, he observed, with his usual +benevolence, that being one of the company, he wouldn't interfere in +the transaction on any account; so he appropriated the rocking-chair +to himself, and looked at the prospect, like a good Samaritan +waiting for a traveller. + +'Heyday!' cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which +occupied one whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had +little else in it, but some geological and botanical specimens, one +or two rusty ledgers, a homely desk, and a stool. 'Heyday! what's +that?' + +'That's Eden,' said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of young +bayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring. + +'Why, I had no idea it was a city.' + +'Hadn't you? Oh, it's a city.' + +A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks, +churches, cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores, +mansions, wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of all +kinds, down to the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; all +faithfully depicted in the view before them. + +'Dear me! It's really a most important place!' cried Martin turning +round. + +'Oh! it's very important,' observed the agent. + +'But, I am afraid,' said Martin, glancing again at the Public +Buildings, 'that there's nothing left for me to do.' + +'Well! it ain't all built,' replied the agent. 'Not quite.' + +This was a great relief. + +'The market-place, now,' said Martin. 'Is that built?' + +'That?' said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock +on the top. 'Let me see. No; that ain't built.' + +'Rather a good job to begin with--eh, Mark?' whispered Martin +nudging him with his elbow. + +Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan +and the agent by turns, merely rejoined 'Uncommon!' + +A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or +vacations of his toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, +and blew the dust off the roof of the Theatre. + +'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the +plan, but showing by his tremulous voice how much depended, in his +mind, upon the answer; 'I suppose there are--several architects +there?' + +'There ain't a single one,' said Scadder. + +'Mark,' whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, 'do you hear +that? But whose work is all this before us, then?' he asked aloud. + +'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous, +perhaps,' said Mark. + +He was on the agent's dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantly +changed his place, and brought his active eye to bear upon him. + +'Feel of my hands, young man,' he said. + +'What for?' asked Mark, declining. + +'Air they dirty, or air they clean, sir?' said Scadder, holding them +out. + +In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it being +obvious that Mr Scadder offered them for examination in a figurative +sense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to +pronounce them pure as the driven snow. + +'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you will not +obtrude remarks of that nature, which, however harmless and +well-intentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to +be very agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised.' + +'The Co.'s a-putting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He +must be a sleeping partner--fast asleep and snoring--Co. must; I +see.' + +Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, and +thrust his toothpick into the desk some twenty times; looking at +Mark all the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy. + +'You haven't said whose work it is,' Martin ventured to observe at +length, in a tone of mild propitiation. + +'Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn't,' said the agent +sulkily. 'No matter how it did eventuate. P'raps he cleared off, +handsome, with a heap of dollars; p'raps he wasn't worth a cent. +P'raps he was a loafin' rowdy; p'raps a ring-tailed roarer. Now!' + +'All your doing, Mark!' said Martin. + +'P'raps,' pursued the agent, 'them ain't plants of Eden's raising. +No! P'raps that desk and stool ain't made from Eden lumber. No! +P'raps no end of squatters ain't gone out there. No! P'raps there +ain't no such location in the territoary of the Great U-nited +States. Oh, no!' + +'I hope you're satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark,' said +Martin. + +But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General +interposed, and called out to Scadder from the doorway to give his +friends the particulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the +house upon it; which, having belonged to the company formerly, had +lately lapsed again into their hands. + +'You air a deal too open-handed, Gen'ral,' was the answer. 'It is a +lot as should be rose in price. It is.' + +He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping +his bright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of +inconvenience to himself, displayed a certain leaf for their +perusal. Martin read it greedily, and then inquired: + +'Now where upon the plan may this place be?' + +'Upon the plan?' said Scadder. + +'Yes.' + +He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, having +been put upon his mettle, he was resolved to be particular to the +very minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling +his toothpick slowly round and round in the air, as if it were a +carrier pigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the +drawing, and pierced the very centre of the main wharf, through and +through. + +'There!' he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; 'that's +where it is!' + +Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw +that the thing was done. + +The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected +though, for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast much +unnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to +think of it, and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, +predicting that they wouldn't like it; at another, offering to +retract and let them off, and muttering strong imprecations upon the +folly of the General. But the whole of the astoundingly small sum +total of purchase-money--it was only one hundred and fifty dollars, +or something more than thirty pounds of the capital brought by Co. +into the architectural concern--was ultimately paid down; and +Martin's head was two inches nearer the roof of the little wooden +office, with the consciousness of being a landed proprietor in the +thriving city of Eden. + +'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gave Martin the +necessary credentials on recepit of his money, 'don't blame me.' + +'No, no,' he replied merrily. 'We'll not blame you. General, are +you going?' + +'I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,' said the General, +giving him his hand with grave cordiality, 'joy of your po-ssession. +You air now, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly- +civilised dominion that has ever graced the world; a do-minion, sir, +where man is bound to man in one vast bond of equal love and truth. +May you, sir, be worthy of your a-dopted country!' + +Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed +his post in the rocking-chair, immediately on the General's rising +from it, and was once more swinging away as if he had never been +disturbed. Mark looked back several times as they went down the +road towards the National Hotel, but now his blighted profile was +towards them, and nothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written +on it. Strangely different to the other side! He was not a man much +given to laughing, and never laughed outright; but every line in the +print of the crow's foot, and every little wiry vein in that +division of his head, was wrinkled up into a grin! The compound +figure of Death and the Lady at the top of the old ballad was not +divided with a greater nicety, and hadn't halves more monstrously +unlike each other, than the two profiles of Zephaniah Scadder. + +The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on the +stroke of twelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting of +the Watertoast Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of +the National Hotel. Being very curious to witness the +demonstration, and know what it was all about, Martin kept close to +the General; and, keeping closer than ever when they entered the +Hall, got by that means upon a little platform of tables at the +upper end; where an armchair was set for the General, and Mr La +Fayette Kettle, as secretary, was making a great display of some +foolscap documents. Screamers, no doubt. + +'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is a +spectacle calc'lated to make the British Lion put his tail between +his legs, and howl with anguish, I expect!' + +Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might +have been rather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the +idea to himself. The General was then voted to the chair, on the +motion of a pallid lad of the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith +set in for a high-spiced speech, with a good deal about hearths and +homes in it, and unriveting the chains of Tyranny. + +Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The +indignation of the glowing young Columbian knew no bounds. If he +could only have been one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't +he have peppered that same Lion, and been to him as another Brute +Tamer with a wire whip, teaching him lessons not easily forgotten. +'Lion! (cried that young Columbian) where is he? Who is he? What +is he? Show him to me. Let me have him here. Here!' said the +young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude, 'upon this sacred altar. +Here!' cried the young Columbian, idealising the dining-table, 'upon +ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious blood poured out like +water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick! Bring forth that +Lion!' said the young Columbian. 'Alone, I dare him! I taunt that +Lion. I tell that Lion, that Freedom's hand once twisted in his +mane, he rolls a corse before me, and the Eagles of the Great +Republic laugh ha, ha!' + +When it was found that the Lion didn't come, but kept out of the +way; that the young Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone +in his glory; and consequently that the Eagles were no doubt +laughing wildly on the mountain tops; such cheers arose as might +have shaken the hands upon the Horse-Guards' clock, and changed the +very mean time of the day in England's capital. + +'Who is this?' Martin telegraphed to La Fayette. + +The Secretary wrote something, very gravely, on a piece of paper, +twisted it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was +an improvement on the old sentiment: 'Perhaps as remarkable a man as +any in our country.' + +This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as +eloquent as he, who drew down storms of cheers. But both remarkable +youths, in their great excitement (for your true poetry can never +stoop to details), forgot to say with whom or what the Watertoasters +sympathized, and likewise why or wherefore they were sympathetic. +Thus Martin remained for a long time as completely in the dark as +ever; until at length a ray of light broke in upon him through the +medium of the Secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past +proceedings, made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that +the Watertoast Association sympathized with a certain Public Man in +Ireland, who held a contest upon certain points with England; and +that they did so, because they didn't love England at all--not by +any means because they loved Ireland much; being indeed horribly +jealous and distrustful of its people always, and only tolerating +them because of their working hard, which made them very useful; +labour being held in greater indignity in the simple republic than +in any other country upon earth. This rendered Martin curious to +see what grounds of sympathy the Watertoast Association put forth; +nor was he long in suspense, for the General rose to read a letter +to the Public Man, which with his own hands he had written. + +'Thus,' said the General, 'thus, my friends and fellow-citizens, it +runs: + + +'"SIR--I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of +United Sympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic +of America! and now holds its breath, and swells the blue veins +in its forehead nigh to bursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish +intensity and sympathetic ardour, your noble efforts in the cause +of Freedom."' + + +At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all +the Sympathisers roared aloud; cheering with nine times nine, and +nine times over. + + +'"In Freedom's name, sir--holy Freedom--I address you. In +Freedom's name, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your +society. In Freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and +disgust to that accursed animal, with gore-stained whiskers, whose +rampant cruelty and fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment +to the world. The naked visitors to Crusoe's Island, sir; the +flying wives of Peter Wilkins; the fruit-smeared children of the +tangled bush; nay, even the men of large stature, anciently bred in +the mining districts of Cornwall; alike bear witness to its savage +nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans, the Blunderbores, the Great +Feefofums, named in History? All, all, exterminated by its +destroying hand. + +'"I allude, sir, to the British Lion. + +'"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir--to +Freedom, blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar-door, the +oyster in his pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the +very winkle of your country in his shelly lair--in her unsullied +name, we offer you our sympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and +our happy land, her fires burn bright and clear and smokeless; once +lighted up in yours, the lion shall be roasted whole. + +'"I am, sir, in Freedom's name, + +'"Your affectionate friend and faithful Sympathiser, + +'"CYRUS CHOKE, + +'"General, U.S.M."' + + +It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, the +railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England; and a +packet had been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal +and the frequent cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. +Now, its contents disturbed him very much, and the moment the +General sat down, he hurried to his side, and placed in his hand a +letter and several printed extracts from English newspapers; to +which, in a state of infinite excitement, he called his immediate +attention. + +The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a +fit state to receive any inflammable influence; but he had no sooner +possessed himself of the contents of these documents, than a change +came over his face, involving such a huge amount of choler and +passion, that the noisy concourse were silent in a moment, in very +wonder at the sight of him. + +'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellow +citizens, we have been mistaken in this man.' + +'In what man?' was the cry. + +'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read +aloud a few minutes before. 'I find that he has been, and is, the +advocate--consistent in it always too--of Nigger emancipation!' + +If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would +have pistolled, stabbed--in some way slain--that man by coward hands +and murderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. +The most confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered +then--no, nor would they ever peril--one dunghill straw, upon the +life of any man in such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the +fragments in the air, trod down the pieces as they fell; and yelled, +and groaned, and hissed, till they could cry no longer. + +'I shall move,' said the General, when he could make himself heard, +'that the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers be +immediately dissolved!' + +Down with it! Away with it! Don't hear of it! Burn its records! +Pull the room down! Blot it out of human memory! + +'But, my fellow-countrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions. +We have funds. What is to be done with the funds?' + +It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to +a certain constitutional Judge, who had laid down from the Bench the +noble principle that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any +black man; and that another piece of plate, of similar value should +be presented to a certain Patriot, who had declared from his high +place in the Legislature, that he and his friends would hang without +trial, any Abolitionist who might pay them a visit. For the +surplus, it was agreed that it should be devoted to aiding the +enforcement of those free and equal laws, which render it +incalculably more criminal and dangerous to teach a negro to read +and write than to roast him alive in a public city. These points +adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder, and there was an +end of the Watertoast Sympathy. + +As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the +Republican banner, which had been hoisted from the house-top in +honour of the occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he +passed. + +'Tut!' said Martin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let a +man be near enough to get the light upon the other side and see +through you; and you are but sorry fustian!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO + +FROM WHICH IT WILL BE SEEN THAT MARTIN BECAME A LION OF HIS OWN +ACCOUNT. TOGETHER WITH THE REASON WHY + + +As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the +young Englishman, Mr Chuzzlewit, had purchased a 'lo-cation' in the +Valley of Eden, and intended to betake himself to that earthly +Paradise by the next steamboat, he became a popular character. Why +this should be, or how it had come to pass, Martin no more knew than +Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, did; but that he was +for the time being the lion, by popular election, of the Watertoast +community, and that his society was in rather inconvenient request +there could be no kind of doubt. + +The first notification he received of this change in his position, +was the following epistle, written in a thin running hand--with +here and there a fat letter or two, to make the general effect more +striking--on a sheet of paper, ruled with blue lines. + + +'NATIONAL HOTEL, + +'MONDAY MORNING. + +'Dear Sir--'When I had the privillidge of being your fellow-traveller +in the cars, the day before yesterday, you offered some remarks +upon the subject of the tower of London, which (in common with my +fellow-citizens generally) I could wish to hear repeated to a public +audience. + +'As secretary to the Young Men's Watertoast Association of this +town, I am requested to inform you that the Society will be proud to +hear you deliver a lecture upon the Tower of London, at their Hall +to-morrow evening, at seven o'clock; and as a large issue of +quarter-dollar tickets may be expected, your answer and consent by +bearer will be considered obliging. + +'Dear Sir, + +'Yours truly, + +'LA FAYETTE KETTLE. + +'The Honourable M. Chuzzlewit. + +'P.S.--The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the +Tower of London. Permit me to suggest that any remarks upon the +Elements of Geology, or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of +your talented and witty countryman, the honourable Mr Miller, would +be well received.' + + +Very much aghast at this invitation, Martin wrote back, civilly +declining it; and had scarcely done so, when he received another +letter. + + +'No. 47, Bunker Hill Street, + +'Monday Morning. + +'(Private). + +'Sir--I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty +Mississippi (or Father of Waters) rolls his turbid flood. + +'I am young, and ardent. For there is a poetry in wildness, and +every alligator basking in the slime is in himself an Epic, self- +contained. I aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst. + +'Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who would +undertake to pay my expenses to that country, and for six months +after my arrival? + +'There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this +enlightened patronage would not be thrown away. In literature or +art; the bar, the pulpit, or the stage; in one or other, if not all, +I feel that I am certain to succeed. + +'If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me +have a list of three or four of those most likely to respond, and I +will address them through the Post Office. May I also ask you to +favour me with any critical observations that have ever presented +themselves to your reflective faculties, on "Cain, a Mystery," by +the Right Honourable Lord Byron? + +'I am, Sir, + +'Yours (forgive me if I add, soaringly), + +'PUTNAM SMIF + +'P.S.--Address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock & +Floby, Dry Goods Store, as above.' + + +Both of which letters, together with Martin's reply to each, were, +according to a laudable custom, much tending to the promotion of +gentlemanly feeling and social confidence, published in the next +number of the Watertoast Gazette. + +He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain +Kedgick, the landlord, kindly came upstairs to see how he was +getting on. The Captain sat down upon the bed before he spoke; and +finding it rather hard, moved to the pillow. + +'Well, sir!' said the Captain, putting his hat a little more on one +side, for it was rather tight in the crown: 'You're quite a public +man I calc'late.' + +'So it seems,' retorted Martin, who was very tired. + +'Our citizens, sir,' pursued the Captain, 'intend to pay their +respects to you. You will have to hold a sort of le-vee, sir, while +you're here.' + +'Powers above!' cried Martin, 'I couldn't do that, my good fellow!' + +'I reckon you MUST then,' said the Captain. + +'Must is not a pleasant word, Captain,' urged Martin. + +'Well! I didn't fix the mother language, and I can't unfix it,' said +the Captain coolly; 'else I'd make it pleasant. You must re-ceive. +That's all.' + +'But why should I receive people who care as much for me as I care +for them?' asked Martin. + +'Well! because I have had a muniment put up in the bar,' returned +the Captain. + +'A what?' cried Martin. + +'A muniment,' rejoined the Captain. + +Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the +Captain meant a written notice that Mr Chuzzlewit would receive the +Watertoasters that day, at and after two o'clock which was in effect +then hanging in the bar, as Mark, from ocular inspection of the +same, could testify. + +'You wouldn't be unpop'lar, I know,' said the Captain, paring his +nails. 'Our citizens an't long of riling up, I tell you; and our +Gazette could flay you like a wild cat.' + +Martin was going to be very wroth, but he thought better of it, and +said: + +'In Heaven's name let them come, then.' + +'Oh, THEY'll come,' returned the Captain. 'I have seen the big room +fixed a'purpose, with my eyes.' + +'But will you,' said Martin, seeing that the Captain was about to +go; 'will you at least tell me this? What do they want to see me +for? what have I done? and how do they happen to have such a sudden +interest in me?' + +Captain Kedgick put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the +brim of his hat; lifted it a little way off his head; put it on +again carefully; passed one hand all down his face, beginning at the +forehead and ending at the chin; looked at Martin; then at Mark; +then at Martin again; winked, and walked out. + +'Upon my life, now!' said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the +table; 'such a perfectly unaccountable fellow as that, I never saw. +Mark, what do you say to this?' + +'Why, sir,' returned his partner, 'my opinion is that we must have +got to the MOST remarkable man in the country at last. So I hope +there's an end to the breed, sir.' + +Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn't keep off two o'clock. +Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain Kedgick returned to hand him +to the room of state; and he had no sooner got him safe there, than +he bawled down the staircase to his fellow-citizens below, that Mr +Chuzzlewit was 'receiving.' + +Up they came with a rush. Up they came until the room was full, +and, through the open door, a dismal perspective of more to come, +was shown upon the stairs. One after another, one after another, +dozen after dozen, score after score, more, more, more, up they +came; all shaking hands with Martin. Such varieties of hands, the +thick, the thin, the short, the long, the fat, the lean, the coarse, +the fine; such differences of temperature, the hot, the cold, the +dry, the moist, the flabby; such diversities of grasp, the tight, +the loose, the short-lived, and the lingering! Still up, up, up, +more, more, more; and ever and anon the Captain's voice was heard +above the crowd--'There's more below! there's more below. Now, +gentlemen you that have been introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, will you +clear gentlemen? Will you clear? Will you be so good as clear, +gentlemen, and make a little room for more?' + +Regardless of the Captain's cries, they didn't clear at all, but +stood there, bolt upright and staring. Two gentlemen connected with +the Watertoast Gazette had come express to get the matter for an +article on Martin. They had agreed to divide the labour. One of +them took him below the waistcoat. One above. Each stood directly +in front of his subject with his head a little on one side, intent +on his department. If Martin put one boot before the other, the +lower gentleman was down upon him; he rubbed a pimple on his nose, +and the upper gentleman booked it. He opened his mouth to speak, +and the same gentleman was on one knee before him, looking in at his +teeth, with the nice scrutiny of a dentist. Amateurs in the +physiognomical and phrenological sciences roved about him with +watchful eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes one, more daring +than the rest, made a mad grasp at the back of his head, and +vanished in the crowd. They had him in all points of view: in +front, in profile, three-quarter face, and behind. Those who were +not professional or scientific, audibly exchanged opinions on his +looks. New lights shone in upon him, in respect of his nose. +Contradictory rumours were abroad on the subject of his hair. And +still the Captain's voice was heard--so stifled by the concourse, +that he seemed to speak from underneath a feather-bed--exclaiming-- +'Gentlemen, you that have been introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, WILL you +clear?' + +Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream of +gentlemen, every one with a lady on each arm (exactly like the +chorus to the National Anthem when Royalty goes in state to the +play), came gliding in--every new group fresher than the last, and +bent on staying to the latest moment. If they spoke to him, which +was not often, they invariably asked the same questions, in the same +tone; with no more remorse, or delicacy, or consideration, than if +he had been a figure of stone, purchased, and paid for, and set up +there for their delight. Even when, in the slow course of time, +these died off, it was as bad as ever, if not worse; for then the +boys grew bold, and came in as a class of themselves, and did +everything that the grown-up people had done. Uncouth stragglers, +too, appeared; men of a ghostly kind, who being in, didn't know how +to get out again; insomuch that one silent gentleman with glazed and +fishy eyes and only one button on his waistcoat (which was a very +large metal one, and shone prodigiously), got behind the door, and +stood there, like a clock, long after everybody else was gone. + +Martin felt, from pure fatigue, and heat, and worry, as if he could +have fallen on the ground and willingly remained there, if they +would but have had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and +messages, threatening his public denouncement if he didn't see the +senders, poured in like hail; and as more visitors came while he +took his coffee by himself; and as Mark, with all his vigilance, was +unable to keep them from the door; he resolved to go to bed--not +that he felt at all sure of bed being any protection, but that he +might not leave a forlorn hope untried. + +He had communicated this design to Mark, and was on the eve of +escaping, when the door was thrown open in a great hurry, and an +elderly gentleman entered; bringing with him a lady who certainly +could not be considered young--that was matter of fact; and probably +could not be considered handsome--but that was matter of opinion. +She was very straight, very tall, and not at all flexible in face or +figure. On her head she wore a great straw bonnet, with trimmings +of the same, in which she looked as if she had been thatched by an +unskillful labourer; and in her hand she held a most enormous fan. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit, I believe?' said the gentleman. + +'That is my name.' + +'Sir,' said the gentleman, 'I am pressed for time.' + +'Thank God!' thought Martin. + +'I go back Toe my home, sir,' pursued the gentleman, 'by the return +train, which starts immediate. Start is not a word you use in your +country, sir.' + +'Oh yes, it is,' said Martin. + +'You air mistaken, sir,' returned the gentleman, with great +decision: 'but we will not pursue the subject, lest it should awake +your preju--dice. Sir, Mrs Hominy.' + +Martin bowed. + +'Mrs Hominy, sir, is the lady of Major Hominy, one of our chicest +spirits; and belongs Toe one of our most aristocratic families. You +air, p'raps, acquainted, sir, with Mrs Hominy's writings.' + +Martin couldn't say he was. + +'You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,' said the gentleman. +'Mrs Hominy is going Toe stay until the end of the Fall, sir, with +her married daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three +days this side of Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show Toe +Mrs Hominy upon the journey, will be very grateful Toe the Major and +our fellow-citizens. Mrs Hominy, I wish you good night, ma'am, and +a pleasant pro-gress on your route!' + +Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy +was drinking the milk. + +'A'most used-up I am, I do declare!' she observed. 'The jolting in +the cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail was full of snags and +sawyers.' + +'Snags and sawyers, ma'am?' said Martin. + +'Well, then, I do suppose you'll hardly realise my meaning, sir,' +said Mrs Hominy. 'My! Only think! DO tell!' + +It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to +conclude with an urgent entreaty, stood in need of any answer; for +Mrs Hominy, untying her bonnet-strings, observed that she would +withdraw to lay that article of dress aside, and would return +immediately. + +'Mark!' said Martin. 'Touch me, will you. Am I awake?' + +'Hominy is, sir,' returned his partner--'Broad awake! Just the sort +of woman, sir, as would be discovered with her eyes wide open, and +her mind a-working for her country's good, at any hour of the day or +night.' + +They had no opportunity of saying more, for Mrs Hominy stalked in +again--very erect, in proof of her aristocratic blood; and holding +in her clasped hands a red cotton pocket-handkerchief, perhaps a +parting gift from that choice spirit, the Major. She had laid aside +her bonnet, and now appeared in a highly aristocratic and classical +cap, meeting beneath her chin: a style of headdress so admirably +adapted to her countenance, that if the late Mr Grimaldi had +appeared in the lappets of Mrs Siddons, a more complete effect could +not have been produced. + +Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before +he could get back to his own seat. + +'Pray, sir!' said Mrs Hominy, 'where do you hail from?' + +'I am afraid I am dull of comprehension,' answered Martin, 'being +extremely tired; but upon my word I don't understand you.' + +Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not +inexpressively, 'They corrupt even the language in that old +country!' and added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his +low capacity, 'Where was you rose?' + +'Oh!' said Martin 'I was born in Kent.' + +'And how do you like our country, sir?' asked Mrs Hominy. + +'Very much indeed,' said Martin, half asleep. 'At least--that is-- +pretty well, ma'am.' + +'Most strangers--and partick'larly Britishers--are much surprised by +what they see in the U-nited States,' remarked Mrs Hominy. + +'They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am,' said Martin. 'I never +was so much surprised in all my life.' + +'Our institutions make our people smart much, sir,' Mrs Hominy +remarked. + +'The most short-sighted man could see that at a glance, with his +naked eye,' said Martin. + +Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had +a pretty strong digestion; but this coarse, this indecorous phrase, +was almost too much for her. For a gentleman sitting alone with a +lady--although the door WAS open--to talk about a naked eye! + +A long interval elapsed before even she--woman of masculine and +towering intellect though she was--could call up fortitude enough to +resume the conversation. But Mrs Hominy was a traveller. Mrs +Hominy was a writer of reviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs +Hominy had had her letters from abroad, beginning 'My ever dearest +blank,' and signed 'The Mother of the Modern Gracchi' (meaning the +married Miss Hominy), regularly printed in a public journal, with +all the indignation in capitals, and all the sarcasm in italics. +Mrs Hominy had looked on foreign countries with the eye of a perfect +republican hot from the model oven; and Mrs Hominy could talk (or +write) about them by the hour together. So Mrs Hominy at last came +down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep, she had it all +her own way, and bruised him to her heart's content. + +It is no great matter what Mrs Hominy said, save that she had learnt +it from the cant of a class, and a large class, of her fellow +countrymen, who in their every word, avow themselves to be as +senseless to the high principles on which America sprang, a nation, +into life, as any Orson in her legislative halls. Who are no more +capable of feeling, or of caring if they did feel, that by reducing +their own country to the ebb of honest men's contempt, they put in +hazard the rights of nations yet unborn, and very progress of the +human race, than are the swine who wallow in their streets. Who +think that crying out to other nations, old in their iniquity, 'We +are no worse than you!' (No worse!) is high defence and 'vantage- +ground enough for that Republic, but yesterday let loose upon her +noble course, and but to-day so maimed and lame, so full of sores +and ulcers, foul to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense, that +her best friends turn from the loathsome creature with disgust. +Who, having by their ancestors declared and won their Independence, +because they would not bend the knee to certain Public vices and +corruptions, and would not abrogate the truth, run riot in the Bad, +and turn their backs upon the Good; and lying down contented with +the wretched boast that other Temples also are of glass, and stones +which batter theirs may be flung back; show themselves, in that +alone, as immeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold, and +as unworthy to possess it as if the sordid hucksterings of all their +little governments--each one a kingdom in its small depravity--were +brought into a heap for evidence against them. + +Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a +terrible oppression on his mind; an imperfect dream that he had +murdered a particular friend, and couldn't get rid of the body. +When his eyes opened it was staring him full in the face. There was +the horrible Hominy talking deep truths in a melodious snuffle, and +pouring forth her mental endowments to such an extent that the +Major's bitterest enemy, hearing her, would have forgiven him from +the bottom of his heart. Martin might have done something desperate +if the gong had not sounded for supper; but sound it did most +opportunely; and having stationed Mrs Hominy at the upper end of the +table he took refuge at the lower end himself; whence, after a hasty +meal he stole away, while the lady was yet busied with dried beef +and a saucer-full of pickled fixings. + +It would be difficult to give an adequate idea of Mrs Hominy's +freshness next day, or of the avidity with which she went headlong +into moral philosophy at breakfast. Some little additional degree +of asperity, perhaps, was visible in her features, but not more than +the pickles would have naturally produced. All that day she clung +to Martin. She sat beside him while he received his friends (for +there was another Reception, yet more numerous than the former), +propounded theories, and answered imaginary objections, so that +Martin really began to think he must be dreaming, and speaking for +two; she quoted interminable passages from certain essays on +government, written by herself; used the Major's pocket-handkerchief +as if the snuffle were a temporary malady, of which she was +determined to rid herself by some means or other; and, in short, was +such a remarkable companion, that Martin quite settled it between +himself and his conscience, that in any new settlement it would be +absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for +the general peace of society. + +In the meantime Mark was busy, from early in the morning until late +at night, in getting on board the steamboat such provisions, tools +and other necessaries, as they had been forewarned it would be wise +to take. The purchase of these things, and the settlement of their +bill at the National, reduced their finances to so low an ebb, that +if the captain had delayed his departure any longer, they would have +been in almost as bad a plight as the unfortunate poorer emigrants, +who (seduced on board by solemn advertisement) had been living on +the lower deck a whole week, and exhausting their miserable stock of +provisions before the voyage commenced. There they were, all +huddled together with the engine and the fires. Farmers who had +never seen a plough; woodmen who had never used an axe; builders who +couldn't make a box; cast out of their own land, with not a hand to +aid them: newly come into an unknown world, children in +helplessness, but men in wants--with younger children at their +backs, to live or die as it might happen! + +The morning came, and they would start at noon. Noon came, and they +would start at night. But nothing is eternal in this world; not +even the procrastination of an American skipper; and at night all +was ready. + +Dispirited and weary to the last degree, but a greater lion than +ever (he had done nothing all the afternoon but answer letters from +strangers; half of them about nothing; half about borrowing money, +and all requiring an instantaneous reply), Martin walked down to the +wharf, through a concourse of people, with Mrs Hominy upon his arm; +and went on board. But Mark was bent on solving the riddle of this +lionship, if he could; and so, not without the risk of being left +behind, ran back to the hotel. + +Captain Kedgick was sitting in the colonnade, with a julep on his +knee, and a cigar in his mouth. He caught Mark's eye, and said: + +'Why, what the 'Tarnal brings you here?' + +'I'll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,' said Mark. 'I want to +ask you a question.' + +'A man may ASK a question, so he may,' returned Kedgick; strongly +implying that another man might not answer a question, so he +mightn't. + +'What have they been making so much of him for, now?' said Mark, +slyly. 'Come!' + +'Our people like ex-citement,' answered Kedgick, sucking his cigar. + +'But how has he excited 'em?' asked Mark. + +The Captain looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden +his mind of a capital joke. + +'You air a-going?' he said. + +'Going!' cried Mark. 'Ain't every moment precious?' + +'Our people like ex-citement,' said the Captain, whispering. 'He +ain't like emigrants in gin'ral; and he excited 'em along of this;' +he winked and burst into a smothered laugh; 'along of this. Scadder +is a smart man, and--and--nobody as goes to Eden ever comes back +alive!' + +The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear +them shouting out his name; could even hear Martin calling to him to +make haste, or they would be separated. It was too late to mend the +matter, or put any face upon it but the best. He gave the Captain a +parting benediction, and ran off like a race-horse. + +'Mark! Mark!' cried Martin. + +'Here am I, sir!' shouted Mark, suddenly replying from the edge of +the quay, and leaping at a bound on board. 'Never was half so +jolly, sir. All right. Haul in! Go ahead!' + +The sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys, +as if the vessel were a great firework just lighted; and they roared +away upon the dark water. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE + +MARTIN AND HIS PARTNER TAKE POSSESSION OF THEIR ESTATE. THE JOYFUL +OCCASION INVOLVES SOME FURTHER ACCOUNT OF EDEN + + +There happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen +passengers, of the same stamp as Martin's New York friend Mr Bevan; +and in their society he was cheerful and happy. They released him +as well as they could from the intellectual entanglements of Mrs +Hominy; and exhibited, in all they said and did, so much good sense +and high feeling, that he could not like them too well. 'If this +were a republic of Intellect and Worth,' he said, 'instead of +vapouring and jobbing, they would not want the levers to keep it in +motion.' + +'Having good tools, and using bad ones,' returned Mr Tapley, 'would +look as if they was rather a poor sort of carpenters, sir, wouldn't +it?' + +Martin nodded. 'As if their work were infinitely above their powers +and purpose, Mark; and they botched it in consequence.' + +'The best on it is,' said Mark, 'that when they do happen to make a +decent stroke; such as better workmen, with no such opportunities, +make every day of their lives and think nothing of--they begin to +sing out so surprising loud. Take notice of my words, sir. If ever +the defaulting part of this here country pays its debts--along of +finding that not paying 'em won't do in a commercial point of view, +you see, and is inconvenient in its consequences--they'll take such a +shine out of it, and make such bragging speeches, that a man might +suppose no borrowed money had ever been paid afore, since the world +was first begun. That's the way they gammon each other, sir. Bless +you, I know 'em. Take notice of my words, now!' + +'You seem to be growing profoundly sagacious!' cried Martin, +laughing. + +'Whether that is,' thought Mark, 'because I'm a day's journey nearer +Eden, and am brightening up afore I die, I can't say. P'rhaps by +the time I get there I shall have growed into a prophet.' + +He gave no utterance to these sentiments; but the excessive +joviality they inspired within him, and the merriment they brought +upon his shining face, were quite enough for Martin. Although he +might sometimes profess to make light of his partner's inexhaustible +cheerfulness, and might sometimes, as in the case of Zephaniah +Scadder, find him too jocose a commentator, he was always sensible +of the effect of his example in rousing him to hopefulness and +courage. Whether he were in the humour to profit by it, mattered +not a jot. It was contagious, and he could not choose but be +affected. + +At first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a +day, and took in others to replace them. But by degrees, the towns +upon their route became more thinly scattered; and for many hours +together they would see no other habitations than the huts of the +wood-cutters, where the vessel stopped for fuel. Sky, wood, and +water all the livelong day; and heat that blistered everything it +touched. + +On they toiled through great solitudes, where the trees upon the +banks grew thick and close; and floatad in the stream; and held up +shrivelled arms from out the river's depths; and slid down from the +margin of the land, half growing, half decaying, in the miry water. +On through the weary day and melancholy night; beneath the burning +sun, and in the mist and vapour of the evening; on, until return +appeared impossible, and restoration to their home a miserable +dream. + +They had now but few people on board, and these few were as flat, as +dull, and stagnant, as the vegetation that oppressed their eyes. No +sound of cheerfulness or hope was heard; no pleasant talk beguiled +the tardy time; no little group made common cause against the full +depression of the scene. But that, at certain periods, they +swallowed food together from a common trough, it might have been old +Charon's boat, conveying melancholy shades to judgment. + +At length they drew near New Thermopylae; where, that same evening, +Mrs Hominy would disembark. A gleam of comfort sunk into Martin's +bosom when she told him this. Mark needed none; but he was not +displeased. + +It was almost night when they came alongside the landing-place. A +steep bank with an hotel like a barn on the top of it; a wooden +store or two; and a few scattered sheds. + +'You sleep here to-night, and go on in the morning, I suppose, +ma'am?' said Martin. + +'Where should I go on to?' cried the mother of the modern Gracchi. + +'To New Thermopylae.' + +'My! ain't I there?' said Mrs Hominy. + +Martin looked for it all round the darkening panorama; but he +couldn't see it, and was obliged to say so. + +'Why that's it!' cried Mrs Hominy, pointing to the sheds just +mentioned. + +'THAT!' exclaimed Martin. + +'Ah! that; and work it which way you will, it whips Eden,' said Mrs +Hominy, nodding her head with great expression. + +The married Miss Hominy, who had come on board with her husband, +gave to this statement her most unqualified support, as did that +gentleman also. Martin gratefully declined their invitation to +regale himself at their house during the half hour of the vessel's +stay; and having escorted Mrs Hominy and the red pocket-handkerchief +(which was still on active service) safely across the gangway, +returned in a thoughtful mood to watch the emigrants as they removed +their goods ashore. + +Mark, as he stood beside him, glanced in his face from time to time; +anxious to discover what effect this dialogue had had upon him, and +not unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached +their destination, so that the blow he feared might be broken in its +fall. But saving that he sometimes looked up quickly at the poor +erections on the hill, he gave him no clue to what was passing in +his mind, until they were again upon their way. + +'Mark,' he said then, 'are there really none but ourselves on board +this boat who are bound for Eden?' + +'None at all, sir. Most of 'em, as you know, have stopped short; +and the few that are left are going further on. What matters that! +More room there for us, sir.' + +'Oh, to be sure!' said Martin. 'But I was thinking--' and there he +paused. + +'Yes, sir?' observed Mark. + +'How odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their +fortune at a wretched hole like that, for instance, when there is +such a much better, and such a very different kind of place, near at +hand, as one may say.' + +He spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence, and +with such an obvious dread of Mark's reply, that the good-natured +fellow was full of pity. + +'Why, you know, sir,' said Mark, as gently as he could by any means +insinuate the observation, 'we must guard against being too +sanguine. There's no occasion for it, either, because we're +determined to make the best of everything, after we know the worst +of it. Ain't we, sir?' + +Martin looked at him, but answered not a word. + +'Even Eden, you know, ain't all built,' said Mark. + +'In the name of Heaven, man,' cried Martin angrily, 'don't talk of +Eden in the same breath with that place. Are you mad? There--God +forgive me!--don't think harshly of me for my temper!' + +After that, he turned away, and walked to and fro upon the deck full +two hours. Nor did he speak again, except to say 'Good night,' +until next day; nor even then upon this subject, but on other topics +quite foreign to the purpose. + +As they proceeded further on their track, and came more and more +towards their journey's end, the monotonous desolation of the scene +increased to that degree, that for any redeeming feature it +presented to their eyes, they might have entered, in the body, on +the grim domains of Giant Despair. A flat morass, bestrewn with +fallen timber; a marsh on which the good growth of the earth seemed +to have been wrecked and cast away, that from its decomposing ashes +vile and ugly things might rise; where the very trees took the +aspect of huge weeds, begotten of the slime from which they sprung, +by the hot sun that burnt them up; where fatal maladies, seeking +whom they might infect, came forth at night in misty shapes, and +creeping out upon the water, hunted them like spectres until day; +where even the blessed sun, shining down on festering elements of +corruption and disease, became a horror; this was the realm of Hope +through which they moved. + +At last they stopped. At Eden too. The waters of the Deluge might +have left it but a week before; so choked with slime and matted +growth was the hideous swamp which bore that name. + +There being no depth of water close in shore, they landed from the +vessel's boat, with all their goods beside them. There were a few +log-houses visible among the dark trees; the best, a cow-shed or a +rude stable; but for the wharves, the market-place, the public +buildings-- + +'Here comes an Edener,' said Mark. 'He'll get us help to carry +these things up. Keep a good heart, sir. Hallo there!' + +The man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom, very +slowly; leaning on a stick. As he drew nearer, they observed that +he was pale and worn, and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken +in his head. His dress of homespun blue hung about him in rags; his +feet and head were bare. He sat down on a stump half-way, and +beckoned them to come to him. When they complied, he put his hand +upon his side as if in pain, and while he fetched his breath stared +at them, wondering. + +'Strangers!' he exclaimed, as soon as he could speak. + +'The very same,' said Mark. 'How are you, sir?' + +'I've had the fever very bad,' he answered faintly. 'I haven't +stood upright these many weeks. Those are your notions I see,' +pointing to their property. + +'Yes, sir,' said Mark, 'they are. You couldn't recommend us some +one as would lend a hand to help carry 'em up to the--to the town, +could you, sir?' + +'My eldest son would do it if he could,' replied the man; 'but today +he has his chill upon him, and is lying wrapped up in the blankets. +My youngest died last week.' + +'I'm sorry for it, governor, with all my heart,' said Mark, shaking +him by the hand. 'Don't mind us. Come along with me, and I'll give +you an arm back. The goods is safe enough, sir'--to Martin--'there +ain't many people about, to make away with 'em. What a comfort that +is!' + +'No,' cried the man. 'You must look for such folk here,' knocking +his stick upon the ground, 'or yonder in the bush, towards the +north. We've buried most of 'em. The rest have gone away. Them +that we have here, don't come out at night.' + +'The night air ain't quite wholesome, I suppose?' said Mark. + +'It's deadly poison,' was the settler's answer. + +Mark showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him +as ambrosia; but he gave the man his arm, and as they went along +explained to him the nature of their purchase, and inquired where it +lay. Close to his own log-house, he said; so close that he had used +their dwelling as a store-house for some corn; they must excuse it +that night, but he would endeavour to get it taken out upon the +morrow. He then gave them to understand, as an additional scrap of +local chit-chat, that he had buried the last proprietor with his own +hands; a piece of information which Mark also received without the +least abatement of his equanimity. + +In a word, he conducted them to a miserable cabin, rudely +constructed of the trunks of trees; the door of which had either +fallen down or been carried away long ago; and which was +consequently open to the wild landscape and the dark night. Saving +for the little store he had mentioned, it was perfectly bare of all +furniture; but they had left a chest upon the landing-place, and he +gave them a rude torch in lieu of candle. This latter acquisition +Mark planted in the earth, and then declaring that the mansion +'looked quite comfortable,' hurried Martin off again to help bring +up the chest. And all the way to the landing-place and back, Mark +talked incessantly; as if he would infuse into his partner's breast +some faint belief that they had arrived under the most auspicious +and cheerful of all imaginable circumstances. + +But many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled, strong +in his passion and design of vengeance, has had the firmness of his +nature conquered by the razing of an air-built castle. When the +log-hut received them for the second time, Martin laid down upon the +ground, and wept aloud. + +'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mr Tapley, in great terror; 'Don't do +that! Don't do that, sir! Anything but that! It never helped man, +woman, or child, over the lowest fence yet, sir, and it never will. +Besides its being of no use to you, it's worse than of no use to me, +for the least sound of it will knock me flat down. I can't stand up +agin it, sir. Anything but that!' + +There is no doubt he spoke the truth, for the extraordinary alarm +with which he looked at Martin as he paused upon his knees before +the chest, in the act of unlocking it, to say these words, +sufficiently confirmed him. + +'I ask your forgiveness a thousand times, my dear fellow,' said +Martin. 'I couldn't have helped it, if death had been the penalty.' + +'Ask my forgiveness!' said Mark, with his accustomed cheerfulness, +as he proceeded to unpack the chest. 'The head partner a-asking +forgiveness of Co., eh? There must be something wrong in the firm +when that happens. I must have the books inspected and the accounts +gone over immediate. Here we are. Everything in its proper place. +Here's the salt pork. Here's the biscuit. Here's the whiskey. +Uncommon good it smells too. Here's the tin pot. This tin pot's a +small fortun' in itself! Here's the blankets. Here's the axe. Who +says we ain't got a first-rate fit out? I feel as if I was a cadet +gone out to Indy, and my noble father was chairman of the Board of +Directors. Now, when I've got some water from the stream afore the +door and mixed the grog,' cried Mark, running out to suit the action +to the word, 'there's a supper ready, comprising every delicacy of +the season. Here we are, sir, all complete. For what we are going +to receive, et cetrer. Lord bless you, sir, it's very like a gipsy +party!' + +It was impossible not to take heart, in the company of such a man as +this. Martin sat upon the ground beside the box; took out his +knife; and ate and drank sturdily. + +'Now you see,' said Mark, when they had made a hearty meal; 'with +your knife and mine, I sticks this blanket right afore the door. Or +where, in a state of high civilization, the door would be. And very +neat it looks. Then I stops the aperture below, by putting the +chest agin it. And very neat THAT looks. Then there's your +blanket, sir. Then here's mine. And what's to hinder our passing a +good night?' + +For all his light-hearted speaking, it was long before he slept +himself. He wrapped his blanket round him, put the axe ready to his +hand, and lay across the threshold of the door; too anxious and too +watchful to close his eyes. The novelty of their dreary situation, +the dread of some rapacious animal or human enemy, the terrible +uncertainty of their means of subsistence, the apprehension of +death, the immense distance and the hosts of obstacles between +themselves and England, were fruitful sources of disquiet in the +deep silence of the night. Though Martin would have had him think +otherwise, Mark felt that he was waking also, and a prey to the same +reflections. This was almost worse than all, for if he began to +brood over their miseries instead of trying to make head against +them there could be little doubt that such a state of mind would +powerfully assist the influence of the pestilent climate. Never had +the light of day been half so welcome to his eyes, as when awaking +from a fitful doze, Mark saw it shining through the blanket in the +doorway. + +He stole out gently, for his companion was sleeping now; and having +refreshed himself by washing in the river, where it snowed before +the door, took a rough survey of the settlement. There were not +above a score of cabins in the whole; half of these appeared +untenanted; all were rotten and decayed. The most tottering, +abject, and forlorn among them was called, with great propriety, the +Bank, and National Credit Office. It had some feeble props about +it, but was settling deep down in the mud, past all recovery. + +Here and there an effort had been made to clear the land, and +something like a field had been marked out, where, among the stumps +and ashes of burnt trees, a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing. +In some quarters, a snake or zigzag fence had been begun, but in no +instance had it been completed; and the felled logs, half hidden in +the soil, lay mouldering away. Three or four meagre dogs, wasted +and vexed with hunger; some long-legged pigs, wandering away into +the woods in search of food; some children, nearly naked, gazing at +him from the huts; were all the living things he saw. A fetid +vapour, hot and sickening as the breath of an oven, rose up from the +earth, and hung on everything around; and as his foot-prints sunk +into the marshy ground, a black ooze started forth to blot them out. + +Their own land was mere forest. The trees had grown so think and +close that they shouldered one another out of their places, and the +weakest, forced into shapes of strange distortion, languished like +cripples. The best were stunted, from the pressure and the want of +room; and high about the stems of all grew long rank grass, dank +weeds, and frowsy underwood; not divisible into their separate +kinds, but tangled all together in a heap; a jungle deep and dark, +with neither earth nor water at its roots, but putrid matter, formed +of the pulpy offal of the two, and of their own corruption. + +He went down to the landing-place where they had left their goods +last night; and there he found some half-dozen men--wan and forlorn +to look at, but ready enough to assist--who helped him to carry them +to the log-house. They shook their heads in speaking of the +settlement, and had no comfort to give him. Those who had the means +of going away had all deserted it. They who were left had lost +their wives, their children, friends, or brothers there, and +suffered much themselves. Most of them were ill then; none were the +men they had been once. They frankly offered their assistance and +advice, and, leaving him for that time, went sadly off upon their +several tasks. + +Martin was by this time stirring; but he had greatly changed, even +in one night. He was very pale and languid; he spoke of pains and +weakness in his limbs, and complained that his sight was dim, and +his voice feeble. Increasing in his own briskness as the prospect +grew more and more dismal, Mark brought away a door from one of the +deserted houses, and fitted it to their own habitation; then went +back again for a rude bench he had observed, with which he presently +returned in triumph; and having put this piece of furniture outside +the house, arranged the notable tin pot and other such movables upon +it, that it might represent a dresser or a sideboard. Greatly +satisfied with this arrangement, he next rolled their cask of flour +into the house and set it up on end in one corner, where it served +for a side-table. No better dining-table could be required than the +chest, which he solemnly devoted to that useful service thenceforth. +Their blankets, clothes, and the like, he hung on pegs and nails. +And lastly, he brought forth a great placard (which Martin in the +exultation of his heart had prepared with his own hands at the +National Hotel) bearing the inscription, CHUZZLEWIT & CO., +ARCHITECTS AND SURVEYORS, which he displayed upon the most +conspicuous part of the premises, with as much gravity as if the +thriving city of Eden had a real existence, and they expected to be +overwhelmed with business. + +'These here tools,' said Mark, bringing forward Martin's case of +instruments and sticking the compasses upright in a stump before the +door, 'shall be set out in the open air to show that we come +provided. And now, if any gentleman wants a house built, he'd +better give his orders, afore we're other ways bespoke.' + +Considering the intense heat of the weather, this was not a bad +morning's work; but without pausing for a moment, though he was +streaming at every pore, Mark vanished into the house again, and +presently reappeared with a hatchet; intent on performing some +impossibilities with that implement. + +'Here's ugly old tree in the way, sir,' he observed, 'which'll be +all the better down. We can build the oven in the afternoon. There +never was such a handy spot for clay as Eden is. That's convenient, +anyhow.' + +But Martin gave him no answer. He had sat the whole time with his +head upon his hands, gazing at the current as it rolled swiftly by; +thinking, perhaps, how fast it moved towards the open sea, the high +road to the home he never would behold again. + +Not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him +from his mournful meditation. Finding all his endeavours to rouse +him of no use, Mark stopped in his work and came towards him. + +'Don't give in, sir,' said Mr Tapley. + +'Oh, Mark,' returned his friend, 'what have I done in all my life +that has deserved this heavy fate?' + +'Why, sir,' returned Mark, 'for the matter of that, everybody as is +here might say the same thing; many of 'em with better reason p'raps +than you or me. Hold up, sir. Do something. Couldn't you ease +your mind, now, don't you think, by making some personal +obserwations in a letter to Scadder?' + +'No,' said Martin, shaking his head sorrowfully: 'I am past that.' + +'But if you're past that already,' returned Mark, 'you must be ill, +and ought to be attended to.' + +'Don't mind me,' said Martin. 'Do the best you can for yourself. +You'll soon have only yourself to consider. And then God speed you +home, and forgive me for bringing you here! I am destined to die in +this place. I felt it the instant I set foot upon the shore. +Sleeping or waking, Mark, I dreamed it all last night.' + +'I said you must be ill,' returned Mark, tenderly, 'and now I'm sure +of it. A touch of fever and ague caught on these rivers, I dare +say; but bless you, THAT'S nothing. It's only a seasoning, and we +must all be seasoned, one way or another. That's religion that is, +you know,' said Mark. + +He only sighed and shook his head. + +'Wait half a minute,' said Mark cheerily, 'till I run up to one of +our neighbours and ask what's best to be took, and borrow a little +of it to give you; and to-morrow you'll find yourself as strong as +ever again. I won't be gone a minute. Don't give in while I'm +away, whatever you do!' + +Throwing down his hatchet, he sped away immediately, but stopped +when he had got a little distance, and looked back; then hurried on +again. + +'Now, Mr Tapley,' said Mark, giving himself a tremendous blow in the +chest by way of reviver, 'just you attend to what I've got to say. +Things is looking about as bad as they CAN look, young man. You'll +not have such another opportunity for showing your jolly +disposition, my fine fellow, as long as you live. And therefore, +Tapley, Now's your time to come out strong; or Never!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR + +REPORTS PROGRESS IN CERTAIN HOMELY MATTERS OF LOVE, HATRED, +JEALOUSY, AND REVENGE + + +'Hallo, Pecksniff!' cried Mr Jonas from the parlour. 'Isn't +somebody a-going to open that precious old door of yours?' + +'Immediately, Mr Jonas. Immediately.' + +'Ecod,' muttered the orphan, 'not before it's time neither. Whoever +it is, has knocked three times, and each one loud enough to wake +the--' he had such a repugnance to the idea of waking the Dead, that +he stopped even then with the words upon his tongue, and said, +instead, 'the Seven Sleepers.' + +'Immediately, Mr Jonas; immediately,' repeated Pecksniff. 'Thomas +Pinch'--he couldn't make up his mind, in his great agitation, +whether to call Tom his dear friend or a villain, so he shook his +fist at him PRO TEM--'go up to my daughters' room, and tell them +who is here. Say, Silence. Silence! Do you hear me, sir? + +'Directly, sir!" cried Tom, departing, in a state of much amazement, +on his errand. + +'You'll--ha, ha, ha!--you'll excuse me, Mr Jonas, if I close this +door a moment, will you?' said Pecksniff. 'This may be a +professional call. Indeed I am pretty sure it is. Thank you.' Then +Mr Pecksniff, gently warbling a rustic stave, put on his garden hat, +seized a spade, and opened the street door; calmly appearing on the +threshold, as if he thought he had, from his vineyard, heard a +modest rap, but was not quite certain. + +Seeing a gentleman and lady before him, he started back in as much +confusion as a good man with a crystal conscience might betray in +mere surprise. Recognition came upon him the next moment, and he +cried: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit! Can I believe my eyes! My dear sir; my good sir! A +joyful hour, a happy hour indeed. Pray, my dear sir, walk in. You +find me in my garden-dress. You will excuse it, I know. It is an +ancient pursuit, gardening. Primitive, my dear sir. Or, if I am +not mistaken, Adam was the first of our calling. MY Eve, I grieve +to say is no more, sir; but'--here he pointed to his spade, and +shook his head as if he were not cheerful without an effort--'but I +do a little bit of Adam still.' + +He had by this time got them into the best parlour, where the +portrait by Spiller, and the bust by Spoker, were. + +'My daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'will be overjoyed. If I could +feel weary upon such a theme, I should have been worn out long ago, +my dear sir, by their constant anticipation of this happiness and +their repeated allusions to our meeting at Mrs Todgers's. Their +fair young friend, too,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'whom they so desire to +know and love--indeed to know her, is to love--I hope I see her +well. I hope in saying, "Welcome to my humble roof!" I find some +echo in her own sentiments. If features are an index to the heart, +I have no fears of that. An extremely engaging expression of +countenance, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir--very much so!' + +'Mary,' said the old man, 'Mr Pecksniff flatters you. But flattery +from him is worth the having. He is not a dealer in it, and it +comes from his heart. We thought Mr--' + +'Pinch,' said Mary. + +'Mr Pinch would have arrived before us, Pecksniff.' + +'He did arrive before you, my dear sir,' retorted Pecksniff, raising +his voice for the edification of Tom upon the stairs, 'and was +about, I dare say, to tell me of your coming, when I begged him +first to knock at my daughters' chamber, and inquire after Charity, +my dear child, who is not so well as I could wish. No,' said Mr +Pecksniff, answering their looks, 'I am sorry to say, she is not. +It is merely an hysterical affection; nothing more, I am not uneasy. +Mr Pinch! Thomas!' exclaimed Pecksniff, in his kindest accents. +'Pray come in. I shall make no stranger of you. Thomas is a friend +of mine, of rather long-standing, Mr Chuzzlewit, you must know.' + +'Thank you, sir,' said Tom. 'You introduce me very kindly, and +speak of me in terms of which I am very proud' + +'Old Thomas!' cried his master, pleasantly 'God bless you!' + +Tom reported that the young ladies would appear directly, and that +the best refreshments which the house afforded were even then in +preparation, under their joint superintendence. While he was +speaking, the old man looked at him intently, though with less +harshness than was common to him; nor did the mutual embarrassment +of Tom and the young lady, to whatever cause he attributed it, seem +to escape his observation. + +'Pecksniff,' he said after a pause, rising and taking him aside +towards the window, 'I was much shocked on hearing of my brother's +death. We had been strangers for many years. My only comfort is +that he must have lived the happier and better man for having +associated no hopes or schemes with me. Peace to his memory! We +were play-fellows once; and it would have been better for us both if +we had died then.' + +Finding him in this gentle mood, Mr Pecksniff began to see another +way out of his difficulties, besides the casting overboard of Jonas. + +'That any man, my dear sir, could possibly be the happier for not +knowing you,' he returned, 'you will excuse my doubting. But that +Mr Anthony, in the evening of his life, was happier in the affection +of his excellent son--a pattern, my dear sir, a pattern to all sons +--and in the care of a distant relation who, however lowly in his +means of serving him, had no bounds to his inclination; I can inform +you.' + +'How's this?' said the old man. 'You are not a legatee?' + +'You don't,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a melancholy pressure of his +hand, 'quite understand my nature yet, I find. No, sir, I am not a +legatee. I am proud to say I am not a legatee. I am proud to say +that neither of my children is a legatee. And yet, sir, I was with +him at his own request. HE understood me somewhat better, sir. He +wrote and said, "I am sick. I am sinking. Come to me!" I went to +him. I sat beside his bed, sir, and I stood beside his grave. Yes, +at the risk of offending even you, I did it, sir. Though the avowal +should lead to our instant separation, and to the severing of those +tender ties between us which have recently been formed, I make it. +But I am not a legatee,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling dispassionately; +'and I never expected to be a legatee. I knew better!' + +'His son a pattern!' cried old Martin. 'How can you tell me that? +My brother had in his wealth the usual doom of wealth, and root of +misery. He carried his corrupting influence with him, go where he +would; and shed it round him, even on his hearth. It made of his +own child a greedy expectant, who measured every day and hour the +lessening distance between his father and the grave, and cursed his +tardy progress on that dismal road.' + +'No!' cried Mr Pecksniff, boldly. 'Not at all, sir!' + +'But I saw that shadow in his house,' said Martin Chuzzlewit, 'the +last time we met, and warned him of its presence. I know it when I +see it, do I not? I, who have lived within it all these years!' + +'I deny it,' Mr Pecksniff answered, warmly. 'I deny it altogether. +That bereaved young man is now in this house, sir, seeking in change +of scene the peace of mind he has lost. Shall I be backward in +doing justice to that young man, when even undertakers and +coffin-makers have been moved by the conduct he has exhibited; when +even mutes have spoken in his praise, and the medical man hasn't +known what to do with himself in the excitement of his feelings! +There is a person of the name of Gamp, sir--Mrs Gamp--ask her. She +saw Mr Jonas in a trying time. Ask HER, sir. She is respectable, +but not sentimental, and will state the fact. A line addressed to +Mrs Gamp, at the BirdShop, Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, London, +will meet with every attention, I have no doubt. Let her be +examined, my good sir. Strike, but hear! Leap, Mr Chuzzlewit, but +look! Forgive me, my dear sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking both his +hands, 'if I am warm; but I am honest, and must state the truth.' + +In proof of the character he gave himself, Mr Pecksniff suffered +tears of honesty to ooze out of his eyes. + +The old man gazed at him for a moment with a look of wonder, +repeating to himself, 'Here now! In this house!' But he mastered +his surprise, and said, after a pause: + +'Let me see him.' + +'In a friendly spirit, I hope?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Forgive me, sir +but he is in the receipt of my humble hospitality.' + +'I said,' replied the old man, 'let me see him. If I were disposed +to regard him in any other than a friendly spirit, I should have +said keep us apart.' + +'Certainly, my dear sir. So you would. You are frankness itself, I +know. I will break this happiness to him,' said Mr Pecksniff, as he +left the room, 'if you will excuse me for a minute--gently.' + +He paved the way to the disclosure so very gently, that a quarter of +an hour elapsed before he returned with Mr Jonas. In the meantime +the young ladies had made their appearance, and the table had been +set out for the refreshment of the travellers. + +Now, however well Mr Pecksniff, in his morality, had taught Jonas +the lesson of dutiful behaviour to his uncle, and however perfectly +Jonas, in the cunning of his nature, had learnt it, that young man's +bearing, when presented to his father's brother, was anything but +manly or engaging. Perhaps, indeed, so singular a mixture of +defiance and obsequiousness, of fear and hardihood, of dogged +sullenness and an attempt at enraging and propitiation, never was +expressed in any one human figure as in that of Jonas, when, having +raised his downcast eyes to Martin's face, he let them fall again, +and uneasily closing and unclosing his hands without a moment's +intermission, stood swinging himself from side to side, waiting to +be addressed. + +'Nephew,' said the old man. 'You have been a dutiful son, I hear.' + +'As dutiful as sons in general, I suppose,' returned Jonas, looking +up and down once more. 'I don't brag to have been any better than +other sons; but I haven't been any worse, I dare say.' + +'A pattern to all sons, I am told,' said the old man, glancing +towards Mr Pecksniff. + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, looking up again for a moment, and shaking his +head, 'I've been as good a son as ever you were a brother. It's the +pot and the kettle, if you come to that.' + +'You speak bitterly, in the violence of your regret,' said Martin, +after a pause. 'Give me your hand.' + +Jonas did so, and was almost at his ease. 'Pecksniff,' he +whispered, as they drew their chairs about the table; 'I gave him as +good as he brought, eh? He had better look at home, before he looks +out of window, I think?' + +Mr Pecksniff only answered by a nudge of the elbow, which might +either be construed into an indignant remonstrance or a cordial +assent; but which, in any case, was an emphatic admonition to his +chosen son-in-law to be silent. He then proceeded to do the honours +of the house with his accustomed ease and amiability. + +But not even Mr Pecksniff's guileless merriment could set such a +party at their ease, or reconcile materials so utterly discordant +and conflicting as those with which he had to deal. The unspeakable +jealously and hatred which that night's explanation had sown in +Charity's breast, was not to be so easily kept down; and more than +once it showed itself in such intensity, as seemed to render a full +disclosure of all the circumstances then and there, impossible to be +avoided. The beauteous Merry, too, with all the glory of her +conquest fresh upon her, so probed and lanced the rankling +disappointment of her sister by her capricious airs and thousand +little trials of Mr Jonas's obedience, that she almost goaded her +into a fit of madness, and obliged her to retire from table in a +burst of passion, hardly less vehement than that to which she had +abandoned herself in the first tumult of her wrath. The constraint +imposed upon the family by the presence among them for the first +time of Mary Graham (for by that name old Martin Chuzzlewit had +introduced her) did not at all improve this state of things; gentle +and quiet though her manner was. Mr Pecksniff's situation was +peculiarly trying; for, what with having constantly to keep the +peace between his daughters; to maintain a reasonable show of +affection and unity in his household; to curb the growing ease and +gaiety of Jonas, which vented itself in sundry insolences towards Mr +Pinch, and an indefinable coarseness of manner in reference to Mary +(they being the two dependants); to make no mention at all of his +having perpetually to conciliate his rich old relative, and to +smooth down, or explain away, some of the ten thousand bad +appearances and combinations of bad appearances, by which they were +surrounded on that unlucky evening--what with having to do this, and +it would be difficult to sum up how much more, without the least +relief or assistance from anybody, it may be easily imagined that Mr +Pecksniff had in his enjoyment something more than that usual +portion of alloy which is mixed up with the best of men's delights. +Perhaps he had never in his life felt such relief as when old +Martin, looking at his watch, announced that it was time to go. + +'We have rooms,' he said, 'at the Dragon, for the present. I have a +fancy for the evening walk. The nights are dark just now; perhaps +Mr Pinch would not object to light us home?' + +'My dear sir!' cried Pecksniff, 'I shall be delighted. Merry, my +child, the lantern.' + +'The lantern, if you please, my dear,' said Martin; 'but I couldn't +think of taking your father out of doors to-night; and, to be brief, +I won't.' + +Mr Pecksniff already had his hat in his hand, but it was so +emphatically said that he paused. + +'I take Mr Pinch, or go alone,' said Martin. 'Which shall it be?' + +'It shall be Thomas, sir,' cried Pecksniff, 'since you are so +resolute upon it. Thomas, my friend, be very careful, if you +please.' + +Tom was in some need of this injunction, for he felt so nervous, and +trembled to such a degree, that he found it difficult to hold the +lantern. How much more difficult when, at the old man's bidding she +drew her hand through his--Tom Pinch's--arm! + +'And so, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, on the way, 'you are very +comfortably situated here; are you?' + +Tom answered, with even more than his usual enthusiasm, that he was +under obligations to Mr Pecksniff which the devotion of a lifetime +would but imperfectly repay. + +'How long have you known my nephew?' asked Martin. + +'Your nephew, sir?' faltered Tom. + +'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit,' said Mary. + +'Oh dear, yes,' cried Tom, greatly relieved, for his mind was +running upon Martin. 'Certainly. I never spoke to him before to- +night, sir!' + +'Perhaps half a lifetime will suffice for the acknowledgment of HIS +kindness,' observed the old man. + +Tom felt that this was a rebuff for him, and could not but +understand it as a left-handed hit at his employer. So he was +silent. Mary felt that Mr Pinch was not remarkable for presence of +mind, and that he could not say too little under existing +circumstances. So SHE was silent. The old man, disgusted by what +in his suspicious nature he considered a shameless and fulsome puff +of Mr Pecksniff, which was a part of Tom's hired service and in +which he was determined to persevere, set him down at once for a +deceitful, servile, miserable fawner. So HE was silent. And though +they were all sufficiently uncomfortable, it is fair to say that +Martin was perhaps the most so; for he had felt kindly towards Tom +at first, and had been interested by his seeming simplicity. + +'You're like the rest,' he thought, glancing at the face of the +unconscious Tom. 'You had nearly imposed upon me, but you have lost +your labour. You are too zealous a toad-eater, and betray yourself, +Mr Pinch.' + +During the whole remainder of the walk, not another word was spoken. +First among the meetings to which Tom had long looked forward with a +beating heart, it was memorable for nothing but embarrassment and +confusion. They parted at the Dragon door; and sighing as he +extinguished the candle in the lantern, Tom turned back again over +the gloomy fields. + +As he approached the first stile, which was in a lonely part, made +very dark by a plantation of young firs, a man slipped past him and +went on before. Coming to the stile he stopped, and took his seat +upon it. Tom was rather startled, and for a moment stood still, but +he stepped forward again immediately, and went close up to him. + +It was Jonas; swinging his legs to and fro, sucking the head of a +stick, and looking with a sneer at Tom. + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, 'who would have thought of its being +you! You followed us, then?' + +'What's that to you?' said Jonas. 'Go to the devil!' + +'You are not very civil, I think,' remarked Tom. + +'Civil enough for YOU,' retorted Jonas. 'Who are you?' + +'One who has as good a right to common consideration as another,' +said Tom mildly. + +'You're a liar,' said Jonas. 'You haven't a right to any +consideration. You haven't a right to anything. You're a pretty +sort of fellow to talk about your rights, upon my soul! Ha, ha!-- +Rights, too!' + +'If you proceed in this way,' returned Tom, reddening, 'you will +oblige me to talk about my wrongs. But I hope your joke is over.' + +'It's the way with you curs,' said Mr Jonas, 'that when you know a +man's in real earnest, you pretend to think he's joking, so that you +may turn it off. But that won't do with me. It's too stale. Now +just attend to me for a bit, Mr Pitch, or Witch, or Stitch, or +whatever your name is.' + +'My name is Pinch,' observed Tom. 'Have the goodness to call me by +it.' + +'What! You mustn't even be called out of your name, mustn't you!' +cried Jonas. 'Pauper' prentices are looking up, I think. Ecod, we +manage 'em a little better in the city!' + +'Never mind what you do in the city,' said Tom. 'What have you got +to say to me?' + +'Just this, Mister Pinch,' retorted Jonas, thrusting his face so +close to Tom's that Tom was obliged to retreat a step. 'I advise +you to keep your own counsel, and to avoid title-tattle, and not to +cut in where you're not wanted. I've heard something of you, my +friend, and your meek ways; and I recommend you to forget 'em till I +am married to one of Pecksniff's gals, and not to curry favour among +my relations, but to leave the course clear. You know, when curs +won't leave the course clear, they're whipped off; so this is kind +advice. Do you understand? Eh? Damme, who are you,' cried Jonas, +with increased contempt, 'that you should walk home with THEM, +unless it was behind 'em, like any other servant out of livery?' + +'Come!' cried Tom, 'I see that you had better get off the stile, and +let me pursue my way home. Make room for me, if you please.' + +'Don't think it!' said Jonas, spreading out his legs. 'Not till I +choose. And I don't choose now. What! You're afraid of my making +you split upon some of your babbling just now, are you, Sneak?' + +'I am not afraid of many things, I hope,' said Tom; 'and certainly +not of anything that you will do. I am not a tale-bearer, and I +despise all meanness. You quite mistake me. Ah!' cried Tom, +indignantly. 'Is this manly from one in your position to one in +mine? Please to make room for me to pass. The less I say, the +better.' + +'The less you say!' retorted Jonas, dangling his legs the more, and +taking no heed of this request. 'You say very little, don't you? +Ecod, I should like to know what goes on between you and a vagabond +member of my family. There's very little in that too, I dare say!' + +'I know no vagabond member of your family,' cried Tom, stoutly, + +'You do!' said Jonas. + +'I don't,' said Tom. 'Your uncle's namesake, if you mean him, is no +vagabond. Any comparison between you and him'--Tom snapped his +fingers at him, for he was rising fast in wrath--'is immeasurably to +your disadvantage.' + +'Oh indeed!' sneered Jonas. 'And what do you think of his deary-- +his beggarly leavings, eh, Mister Pinch?' + +'I don't mean to say another word, or stay here another instant,' +replied Tom. + +'As I told you before, you're a liar,' said Jonas, coolly. 'You'll +stay here till I give you leave to go. Now, keep where you are, +will you?' + +He flourished his stick over Tom's head; but in a moment it was +spinning harmlessly in the air, and Jonas himself lay sprawling in +the ditch. In the momentary struggle for the stick, Tom had brought +it into violent contact with his opponent's forehead; and the blood +welled out profusely from a deep cut on the temple. Tom was first +apprised of this by seeing that he pressed his handkerchief to the +wounded part, and staggered as he rose, being stunned. + +'Are you hurt?' said Tom. 'I am very sorry. Lean on me for a +moment. You can do that without forgiving me, if you still bear me +malice. But I don't know why; for I never offended you before we +met on this spot.' + +He made him no answer; not appearing at first to understand him, or +even to know that he was hurt, though he several times took his +handkerchief from the cut to look vacantly at the blood upon it. +After one of these examinations, he looked at Tom, and then there +was an expression in his features, which showed that he understood +what had taken place, and would remember it. + +Nothing more passed between them as they went home. Jonas kept a +little in advance, and Tom Pinch sadly followed, thinking of the +grief which the knowledge of this quarrel must occasion his +excellent benefactor. When Jonas knocked at the door, Tom's heart +beat high; higher when Miss Mercy answered it, and seeing her +wounded lover, shireked aloud; higher, when he followed them into +the family parlour; higher than at any other time, when Jonas spoke. + +'Don't make a noise about it,' he said. 'It's nothing worth +mentioning. I didn't know the road; the night's very dark; and just +as I came up with Mr Pinch'--he turned his face towards Tom, but not +his eyes--'I ran against a tree. It's only skin deep.' + +'Cold water, Merry, my child!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Brown paper! +Scissors! A piece of old linen! Charity, my dear, make a bandage. +Bless me, Mr Jonas!' + +'Oh, bother YOUR nonsense,' returned the gracious son-in-law elect. +'Be of some use if you can. If you can't, get out!' + +Miss Charity, though called upon to lend her aid, sat upright in one +corner, with a smile upon her face, and didn't move a finger. +Though Mercy laved the wound herself; and Mr Pecksniff held the +patient's head between his two hands, as if without that assistance +it must inevitably come in half; and Tom Pinch, in his guilty +agitation, shook a bottle of Dutch Drops until they were nothing but +English Froth, and in his other hand sustained a formidable carving- +knife, really intended to reduce the swelling, but apparently +designed for the ruthless infliction of another wound as soon as +that was dressed; Charity rendered not the least assistance, nor +uttered a word. But when Mr Jonas's head was bound up, and he had +gone to bed, and everybody else had retired, and the house was +quiet, Mr Pinch, as he sat mournfully on his bedstead, ruminating, +heard a gentle tap at his door; and opening it, saw her, to his +great astonishment, standing before him with her finger on her lip. + +'Mr Pinch,' she whispered. 'Dear Mr Pinch! Tell me the truth! +You did that? There was some quarrel between you, and you struck +him? I am sure of it!' + +It was the first time she had ever spoken kindly to Tom, in all +the many years they had passed together. He was stupefied with +amazement. + +'Was it so, or not?' she eagerly demanded. + +'I was very much provoked,' said Tom. + +'Then it was?' cried Charity, with sparkling eyes. + +'Ye-yes. We had a struggle for the path,' said Tom. 'But I didn't +mean to hurt him so much.' + +'Not so much!' she repeated, clenching her hand and stamping her +foot, to Tom's great wonder. 'Don't say that. It was brave of you. +I honour you for it. If you should ever quarrel again, don't spare +him for the world, but beat him down and set your shoe upon him. +Not a word of this to anybody. Dear Mr Pinch, I am your friend from +tonight. I am always your friend from this time.' + +She turned her flushed face upon Tom to confirm her words by its +kindling expression; and seizing his right hand, pressed it to her +breast, and kissed it. And there was nothing personal in this to +render it at all embarrassing, for even Tom, whose power of +observation was by no means remarkable, knew from the energy with +which she did it that she would have fondled any hand, no matter how +bedaubed or dyed, that had broken the head of Jonas Chuzzlewit. + +Tom went into his room, and went to bed, full of uncomfortable +thoughts. That there should be any such tremendous division in the +family as he knew must have taken place to convert Charity Pecksniff +into his friend, for any reason, but, above all, for that which was +clearly the real one; that Jonas, who had assailed him with such +exceeding coarseness, should have been sufficiently magnanimous to +keep the secret of their quarrel; and that any train of +circumstances should have led to the commission of an assault and +battery by Thomas Pinch upon any man calling himself the friend of +Seth Pecksniff; were matters of such deep and painful cogitation +that he could not close his eyes. His own violence, in particular, +so preyed upon the generous mind of Tom, that coupling it with the +many former occasions on which he had given Mr Pecksniff pain and +anxiety (occasions of which that gentleman often reminded him), he +really began to regard himself as destined by a mysterious fate to +be the evil genius and bad angel of his patron. But he fell asleep +at last, and dreamed--new source of waking uneasiness--that he had +betrayed his trust, and run away with Mary Graham. + +It must be acknowledged that, asleep or awake, Tom's position in +reference to this young lady was full of uneasiness. The more he +saw of her, the more he admired her beauty, her intelligence, the +amiable qualities that even won on the divided house of Pecksniff, +and in a few days restored, at all events, the semblance of harmony +and kindness between the angry sisters. When she spoke, Tom held +his breath, so eagerly he listened; when she sang, he sat like one +entranced. She touched his organ, and from that bright epoch even +it, the old companion of his happiest hours, incapable as he had +thought of elevation, began a new and deified existence. + +God's love upon thy patience, Tom! Who, that had beheld thee, for +three summer weeks, poring through half the deadlong night over the +jingling anatomy of that inscrutable old harpsichord in the back +parlour, could have missed the entrance to thy secret heart: albeit +it was dimly known to thee? Who that had seen the glow upon thy +cheek when leaning down to listen, after hours of labour, for the +sound of one incorrigible note, thou foundest that it had a voice at +last, and wheezed out a flat something, distantly akin to what it +ought to be, would not have known that it was destined for no common +touch, but one that smote, though gently as an angel's hand, upon +the deepest chord within thee! And if a friendly glance--aye, even +though it were as guileless as thine own, Dear Tom--could have but +pierced the twilight of that evening, when, in a voice well tempered +to the time, sad, sweet, and low, yet hopeful, she first sang to the +altered instrument, and wondered at the change; and thou, sitting +apart at the open window, kept a glad silence and a swelling heart-- +must not that glance have read perforce the dawning of a story, Tom, +that it were well for thee had never been begun! + +Tom Pinch's situation was not made the less dangerous or difficult +by the fact of no one word passing between them in reference to +Martin. Honourably mindful of his promise, Tom gave her +opportunities of all kinds. Early and late he was in the church; in +her favourite walks; in the village, in the garden, in the meadows; +and in any or all of these places he might have spoken freely. But +no; at all such times she carefully avoided him, or never came in +his way unaccompanied. It could not be that she disliked or +distrusted him, for by a thousand little delicate means, too slight +for any notice but his own, she singled him out when others were +present, and showed herself the very soul of kindness. Could it be +that she had broken with Martin, or had never returned his +affection, save in his own bold and heightened fancy? Tom's cheek +grew red with self-reproach as he dismissed the thought. + +All this time old Martin came and went in his own strange manner, or +sat among the rest absorbed within himself, and holding little +intercourse with any one. Although he was unsocial, he was not +willful in other things, or troublesome, or morose; being never +better pleased than when they left him quite unnoticed at his book, +and pursued their own amusements in his presence, unreserved. It +was impossible to discern in whom he took an interest, or whether he +had an interest in any of them. Unless they spoke to him directly, +he never showed that he had ears or eyes for anything that passed. + +One day the lively Merry, sitting with downcast eyes under a shady +tree in the churchyard, whither she had retired after fatiguing +herself by the imposition of sundry trials on the temper of Mr +Jonas, felt that a new shadow came between her and the sun. Raising +her eyes in the expectation of seeing her betrothed, she was not a +little surprised to see old Martin instead. Her surprise was not +diminished when he took his seat upon the turf beside her, and +opened a conversation thus: + +'When are you to be married?' + +'Oh! dear Mr Chuzzlewit, my goodness me! I'm sure I don't know. Not +yet awhile, I hope.' + +'You hope?' said the old man. + +It was very gravely said, but she took it for banter, and giggled +excessively. + +'Come!' said the old man, with unusual kindness, 'you are young, +good-looking, and I think good-natured! Frivolous you are, and love +to be, undoubtedly; but you must have some heart.' + +'I have not given it all away, I can tell you,' said Merry, nodding +her head shrewdly, and plucking up the grass. + +'Have you parted with any of it?' + +She threw the grass about, and looked another way, but said nothing. + +Martin repeated his question. + +'Lor, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit! really you must excuse me! How very odd +you are.' + +'If it be odd in me to desire to know whether you love the young man +whom I understand you are to marry, I AM very odd,' said Martin. +'For that is certainly my wish.' + +'He's such a monster, you know,' said Merry, pouting. + +'Then you don't love him?' returned the old man. 'Is that your +meaning?' + +'Why, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I'm sure I tell him a hundred times a +day that I hate him. You must have heard me tell him that.' + +'Often,' said Martin. + +'And so I do,' cried Merry. 'I do positively.' + +'Being at the same time engaged to marry him,' observed the old man. + +'Oh yes,' said Merry. 'But I told the wretch--my dear Mr +Chuzzlewit, I told him when he asked me--that if I ever did marry +him, it should only be that I might hate and tease him all my life.' + +She had a suspicion that the old man regarded Jonas with anything +but favour, and intended these remarks to be extremely captivating. +He did not appear, however, to regard them in that light by any +means; for when he spoke again, it was in a tone of severity. + +'Look about you,' he said, pointing to the graves; 'and remember +that from your bridal hour to the day which sees you brought as low +as these, and laid in such a bed, there will be no appeal against +him. Think, and speak, and act, for once, like an accountable +creature. Is any control put upon your inclinations? Are you +forced into this match? Are you insidiously advised or tempted to +contract it, by any one? I will not ask by whom; by any one?' + +'No,' said Merry, shrugging her shoulders. 'I don't know that I +am.' + +'Don't know that you are! Are you?' + +'No,' replied Merry. 'Nobody ever said anything to me about it. If +any one had tried to make me have him, I wouldn't have had him at +all.' + +'I am told that he was at first supposed to be your sister's +admirer,' said Martin. + +'Oh, good gracious! My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, it would be very hard to +make him, though he IS a monster, accountable for other people's +vanity,' said Merry. 'And poor dear Cherry is the vainest darling!' + +'It was her mistake, then?' + +'I hope it was,' cried Merry; 'but, all along, the dear child has +been so dreadfully jealous, and SO cross, that, upon my word and +honour, it's impossible to please her, and it's of no use trying.' + +'Not forced, persuaded, or controlled,' said Martin, thoughtfully. +'And that's true, I see. There is one chance yet. You may have +lapsed into this engagement in very giddiness. It may have been the +wanton act of a light head. Is that so?' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' simpered Merry, 'as to light-headedness, +there never was such a feather of a head as mine. It's perfect +balloon, I declare! You never DID, you know!' + +He waited quietly till she had finished, and then said, steadily and +slowly, and in a softened voice, as if he would still invite her +confidence: + +'Have you any wish--or is there anything within your breast that +whispers you may form the wish, if you have time to think--to be +released from this engagement?' + +Again Miss Merry pouted, and looked down, and plucked the grass, and +shrugged her shoulders. No. She didn't know that she had. She was +pretty sure she hadn't. Quite sure, she might say. She 'didn't +mind it.' + +'Has it ever occurred to you,' said Martin, 'that your married life +may perhaps be miserable, full of bitterness, and most unhappy?' + +Merry looked down again; and now she tore the grass up by the roots. + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, what shocking words! Of course, I shall +quarrel with him. I should quarrel with any husband. Married +people always quarrel, I believe. But as to being miserable, and +bitter, and all those dreadful things, you know, why I couldn't be +absolutely that, unless he always had the best of it; and I mean to +have the best of it myself. I always do now,' cried Merry, nodding +her head and giggling very much; 'for I make a perfect slave of the +creature.' + +'Let it go on,' said Martin, rising. 'Let it go on! I sought to +know your mind, my dear, and you have shown it me. I wish you joy. +Joy!' he repeated, looking full upon her, and pointing to the +wicket-gate where Jonas entered at the moment. And then, without +waiting for his nephew, he passed out at another gate, and went +away. + +'Oh, you terrible old man!' cried the facetious Merry to herself. +'What a perfectly hideous monster to be wandering about churchyards +in the broad daylight, frightening people out of their wits! Don't +come here, Griffin, or I'll go away directly.' + +Mr Jonas was the Griffin. He sat down upon the grass at her side, +in spite of this warning, and sulkily inquired: + +'What's my uncle been a-talking about?' + +'About you,' rejoined Merry. 'He says you're not half good enough +for me.' + +'Oh, yes, I dare say! We all know that. He means to give you some +present worth having, I hope. Did he say anything that looked like +it?' + +'THAT he didn't!' cried Merry, most decisively. + +'A stingy old dog he is,' said Jonas. 'Well?' + +'Griffin!' cried Miss Mercy, in counterfeit amazement; 'what are you +doing, Griffin?' + +'Only giving you a squeeze,' said the discomfited Jonas. 'There's +no harm in that, I suppose?' + +'But there is great deal of harm in it, if I don't consider it +agreeable,' returned his cousin. 'Do go along, will you? You make +me so hot!' + +Mr Jonas withdrew his arm, and for a moment looked at her more like +a murderer than a lover. But he cleared his brow by degrees, and +broke silence with: + +'I say, Mel!' + +'What do you say, you vulgar thing--you low savage?' cried his fair +betrothed. + +'When is it to be? I can't afford to go on dawdling about here half +my life, I needn't tell you, and Pecksniff says that father's being +so lately dead makes very little odds; for we can be married as +quiet as we please down here, and my being lonely is a good reason +to the neighbours for taking a wife home so soon, especially one +that he knew. As to crossbones (my uncle, I mean), he's sure not to +put a spoke in the wheel, whatever we settle on, for he told +Pecksniff only this morning, that if YOU liked it he'd nothing at +all to say. So, Mel,' said Jonas, venturing on another squeeze; +'when shall it be?' + +'Upon my word!' cried Merry. + +'Upon my soul, if you like,' said Jonas. 'What do you say to next +week, now?' + +'To next week! If you had said next quarter, I should have wondered +at your impudence.' + +'But I didn't say next quarter,' retorted Jonas. 'I said next +week.' + +'Then, Griffin,' cried Miss Merry, pushing him off, and rising. 'I +say no! not next week. It shan't be till I choose, and I may not +choose it to be for months. There!' + +He glanced up at her from the ground, almost as darkly as he had +looked at Tom Pinch; but held his peace. + +'No fright of a Griffin with a patch over his eye shall dictate to +me or have a voice in the matter,' said Merry. 'There!' + +Still Mr Jonas held his peace. + +'If it's next month, that shall be the very earliest; but I won't +say when it shall be till to-morrow; and if you don't like that, it +shall never be at all,' said Merry; 'and if you follow me about and +won't leave me alone, it shall never be at all. There!v And if you +don't do everything I order you to do, it shall never be at all. So +don't follow me. There, Griffin!' + +And with that, she skipped away, among the trees. + +'Ecod, my lady!' said Jonas, looking after her, and biting a piece +of straw, almost to powder; 'you'll catch it for this, when you ARE +married. It's all very well now--it keeps one on, somehow, and you +know it--but I'll pay you off scot and lot by-and-bye. This is a +plaguey dull sort of a place for a man to be sitting by himself in. +I never could abide a mouldy old churchyard.' + +As he turned into the avenue himself, Miss Merry, who was far ahead, +happened to look back. + +'Ah!' said Jonas, with a sullen smile, and a nod that was not +addressed to her. 'Make the most of it while it lasts. Get in your +hay while the sun shines. Take your own way as long as it's in your +power, my lady!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE + +IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME VALUABLE +HINTS IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER + + +Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying +the sweets of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm +delight. The day being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr +Mould were on the window-seat, and his back reclined against the +shutter. Over his shining head a handkerchief was drawn, to guard +his baldness from the flies. The room was fragrant with the smell +of punch, a tumbler of which grateful compound stood upon a small +round table, convenient to the hand of Mr Mould; so deftly mixed +that as his eye looked down into the cool transparent drink, another +eye, peering brightly from behind the crisp lemon-peel, looked up at +him, and twinkled like a star. + +Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould's +establishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting +room of Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little +counting-house behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and +shady. In this domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid +man, upon his punch and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought +a wider prospect, whence he might return with freshened zest to +these enjoyments, his moist glance wandered like a sunbeam through a +rural screen of scarlet runners, trained on strings before the +window, and he looked down, with an artist's eye, upon the graves. + +The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould's +companions. Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M. +was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their +fair proportions, that they might have been the bodies once +belonging to the angels' faces in the shop below, grown up, with +other heads attached to make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks +were puffed out and distended, as though they ought of right to be +performing on celestial trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the shop, +who were depicted as constantly blowing those instruments for ever +and ever without any lungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely +by ear. + +Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was a +helpmate to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraph +daughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him +in return. So bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large +his stock in trade, that even there, within his household sanctuary, +stood a cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, +and winding-sheets, and other furniture of funerals. But, though +the Misses Mould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his +eye, it had cast no shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. +Sporting behind the scenes of death and burial from cradlehood, the +Misses Mould knew better. Hat-bands, to them, were but so many yards +of silk or crape; the final robe but such a quantity of linen. The +Misses Mould could idealise a player's habit, or a court-lady's +petticoat, or even an act of parliament. But they were not to be +taken in by palls. They made them sometimes. + +The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous +noises in the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner, +where the City strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and +sometimes fell and sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a +thoughtful mind a stoppage in Cheapside. The light came sparkling +in among the scarlet runners, as if the churchyard winked at Mr +Mould, and said, 'We understand each other;' and from the distant +shop a pleasant sound arose of coffin-making with a low melodious +hammer, rat, tat, tat, tat, alike promoting slumber and digestion. + +'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in a +perfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the sound of animated +nature in the agricultural districts. It's exactly like the +woodpecker tapping.' + +'The woodpecker tapping the hollow ELM tree,' observed Mrs Mould, +adapting the words of the popular melody to the description of wood +commonly used in the trade. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be +glad to hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! +Very good indeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, +my love.' + +Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and +handed it to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of +their mother. + +'Hollow ELM tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with +his legs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's beech in the song. +Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of +the best things I know?' He was so excessively tickled by the jest +that he couldn't forget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? +Yes, to be sure. Elm, of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you +know, that ought to be sent to somebody who could make use of it. +It's one of the smartest things that ever was said. Hollow ELM +tree, eh? of course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!' + +Here a knock was heard at the room door. + +'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he makes. +Who that hears him now, would suppose he'd ever had wind enough to +carry the feathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.' + +'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way. 'I +thought our Governor was here.' + +'Well! so he is,' cried Mould. + +'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a little +farther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a walking one of two, +with the plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?' + +'Certainly not,' replied Mr Mould, 'much too common. Nothing to say +to it.' + +'I told 'em it was precious low,' observed Mr Tacker. + +'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of business +here,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their impudence to propose it. Who is +it?' + +'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see. It's +the beadle's son-in-law.' + +'The beadle's son-in-law, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it if the +beadle follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off that +way, by looking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His cocked +hat, mind!' + +'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below, and +wants to speak to you.' + +'Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,' said Mould. 'Now Mrs Gamp, +what's YOUR news?' + +The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying to +Mrs Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon +the breeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously +been to a wine-vaults. + +Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould +again, and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving +that she looked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, +in the weeds she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of +making her acquaintance; and was perhaps the turning of a scale more +snuffy. + +'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time runs +back'ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do +nothing except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, +I'm sure; for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs +Gamp continued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday evening fortnight +as ever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says +to Mrs Harris when she says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, +sets marks upon us all."--"Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and +me is to be continual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs +Mould," I says, making so free, I will confess, as use the name,' +(she curtseyed here), '"is one of them that goes agen the +obserwation straight; and never, Mrs Harris, whilst I've a drop of +breath to draw, will I set by, and not stand up, don't think it."-- +"I ast your pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and I humbly grant +your grace; for if ever a woman lived as would see her feller +creeturs into fits to serve her friends, well do I know that woman's +name is Sairey Gamp."' + +At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may be +taken of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery +surrounded this lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the +circle of Mrs Gamp's acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any +human being know her place of residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on +her own showing to be in constant communication with her. There +were conflicting rumours on the subject; but the prevalent opinion +was that she was a phantom of Mrs Gamp's brain--as Messrs. Doe and +Roe are fictions of the law--created for the express purpose of +holding visionary dialogues with her on all manner of subjects, and +invariably winding up with a compliment to the excellence of her +nature. + +'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a +tearful smile towards the daughters, 'to see them two young ladies +as I know'd afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have +many a day seen--ah, the sweet creeturs!--playing at berryins down +in the shop, and follerin' the order-book to its long home in the +iron safe! But that's all past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got +in a carefully regulated routine to that gentleman, she shook her +head waggishly; 'That's all past and over now, sir, an't it?' + +'Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!' returned the undertaker. + +'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,' +said Mrs Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. 'Young +ladies with such faces thinks of something else besides berryins, +don't they, sir?' + +'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a chuckle--'Not +bad in Mrs Gamp, my dear?' + +'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs Mould, +your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the blessing of +a daughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would +certainly have drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as with +our precious boy he did, and arterward send the child a errand to +sell his wooden leg for any money it would fetch as matches in the +rough, and bring it home in liquor; which was truly done beyond his +years, for ev'ry individgle penny that child lost at toss or buy for +kidney ones; and come home arterwards quite bold, to break the news, +and offering to drown himself if sech would be a satisfaction to his +parents.--Oh yes, you do know, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye +with her shawl, and resuming the thread of her discourse. 'There's +something besides births and berryins in the newspapers, an't there, +Mr Mould?' + +Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on his +knee, and said: 'No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my +life, Mrs Gamp is very far from bad, my dear!' + +'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both the +daughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their precious hearts, and +well they knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs Mould, +when you was at their time of life! But my opinion is, you're all of +one age now. For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having +grandchildren--' + +'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker. +'Devilish smart, though. Ca-pi-tal!'--this was in a whisper. 'My +dear'--aloud again--'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. +Sit down, Mrs Gamp, sit down.' + +Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up +her eyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to the +fact of a glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in +her hand by one of the young ladies, when she exhibited the greatest +surprise. + +'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me +unless it is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter +settling heavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, +"Sairey Gamp," she says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I +says to her, "why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth +then, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless +betwixt you and me, never did I think till I know'd you, as any +woman could sick-nurse and monthly likeways, on the little that you +takes to drink." "Mrs Harris," I says to her, "none on us knows what +we can do till we tries; and wunst, when me and Gamp kept 'ouse, I +thought so too. But now," I says, "my half a pint of porter fully +satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris, that it is brought reg'lar, and +draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, ma'am, I hope I does my +duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns my living hard; +therefore I DO require it, which I makes confession, to be brought +reg'lar and draw'd mild."' + +The precise connection between these observations and the glass of +rum, did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast 'The best of +lucks to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, +without any further remarks. + +'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady +wiped her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft +biscuit, which she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision +against contingent drams. 'How's Mr Chuffey?' + +'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no better +and he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have +wrote up to you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come +home;" but ev'rythink he does is kind. There an't a many like him. +If there was, we shouldn't want no churches.' + +'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould, +coming to the point. + +'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for asking. +There IS a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took ill +there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended +from Bartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein' +Mrs Prig, the best of creeturs. But she is otherways engaged at +night, and they are in wants of night-watching; consequent she says +to them, having reposed the greatest friendliness in me for twenty +year, "The soberest person going, and the best of blessings in a +sick room, is Mrs Gamp. Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, +"and snap her up at any price, for Mrs Gamp is worth her weight and +more in goldian guineas." My landlord brings the message down to me, +and says, "bein' in a light place where you are, and this job +promising so well, why not unite the two?" "No, sir," I says, "not +unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do not think it. But I will go +to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if you like."' Here she looked +sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop. + +'Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin. + +'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs +Gamp rejoined. + +'And then go back, eh?' said would. + +'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein' +quiet, and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. +I will not deny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor +woman, and that the money is a object; but do not let that act upon +you, Mr Mould. Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so easy +for 'em to see out of a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I +hope I knows it.' + +'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular +objection to your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. +I should keep it quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to +Mr Chuzzlewit on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, +or he asked you pointblank.' + +'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined. 'Suppoging +that the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying +as I know'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no +offence to you, sir?' + +'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. 'You +may casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly +and in a great variety of styles, and are generally considered to +make it as agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. +But don't obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear, you +may as well give Mrs Gamp a card or two, if you please.' + +Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for +the bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure. + +'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp 'with +all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I should +be jealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should be +jealous of Mr Mould.' + +'Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!' cried the delighted +undertaker. + +'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, 'bless +their sweet looks--how they can ever reconsize it with their duties +to be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to +give a guess at.' + +'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the +height of his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he said +it. + +'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at +last withdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a ve-ry shrewd woman. +That's a woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station +in life. That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon +manner. She's the sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk +handkerchief over his head again, and composing himself for a nap +'one would almost feel disposed to bury for nothing; and do it +neatly, too!' + +Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the +subject of which had by this time reached the street, where she +experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged +to stand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. +Even after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract +the compassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took the +liveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language +bade her be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.' + +Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical science +would have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly +acquainted with the way home again; and arriving at the house of +Anthony Chuzzlewit & Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there until +seven o'clock in the evening, and then persuading poor old Chuffey +to betake himself to bed, she sallied forth upon her new engagement. +First, she went to her private lodgings in Kingsgate Street, for a +bundle of robes and wrappings comfortable in the night season; and +then repaired to the Bull in Holborn, which she reached as the +clocks were striking eight. + +As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, +landlady, and head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together +talking earnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just +come or to be just going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs +Gamp's ear obviously bore reference to the patient; and it being +expedient that all good attendants should know as much as possible +about the case on which their skill is brought to bear, Mrs Gamp +listened as a matter of duty. + +'No better, then?' observed the gentleman. + +'Worse!' said the landlord. + +'Much worse,' added the landlady. + +'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background, +opening her eyes very wide, and shaking her head. + +'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The +worst of it is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he +has, or where they live, except that it certainly is not in London.' + +The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the +landlord; and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, 'that of all +the many wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they +wasn't few in an hotel), THAT was the waguest.' + +'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you +yesterday when you sent to me, I really know very little about him. +We were school-fellows together; but since that time I have only met +him twice. On both occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday +(having come up for a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of +him again directly. The letter bearing my name and address which +you found upon his table, and which led to your applying to me, is +in answer, you will observe, to one he wrote from this house the +very day he was taken ill, making an appointment with him at his own +request. Here is his letter, if you wish to see it.' + +The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The +chambermaid, in the background, made out as much of it as she could, +and invented the rest; believing it all from that time forth as a +positive piece of evidence. + +'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman, who +was no other than our old friend, John Westlock. + +'Nothing but a portmanteau,' said the landlord; 'and very little in +it.' + +'A few pounds in his purse, though?' + +'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum of +the amount, which you're welcome to see.' + +'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must +take its course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him +his drinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing +more can be said that I know of, until he is in a condition to give +us some information. Can you suggest anything else?' + +'N-no,' replied the landlord, 'except--' + +'Except, who's to pay, I suppose?' said John. + +'Why,' hesitated the landlord, 'it would be as well.' + +'Quite as well,' said the landlady. + +'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid in a +bland whisper. + +'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At all +events, you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present; and I +will readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.' + +'Ah!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A rayal gentleman!' + +She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. +Mrs Gamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and +introducing herself. + +'The night-nurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well +beknown to Mrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is +the poor dear gentleman to-night? If he an't no better yet, still +that is what must be expected and prepared for. It an't the fust +time by a many score, ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady, +'that Mrs Prig and me has nussed together, turn and turn about, one +off, one on. We knows each other's ways, and often gives relief +when others fail. Our charges is but low, sir'--Mrs Gamp +addressed herself to John on this head--'considerin' the nater of +our painful dooty. If they wos made accordin' to our wishes, they +would be easy paid.' + +Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, +Mrs Gamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be conducted +to the scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, +through a variety of intricate passages, to the top of the house; +and pointing at length to a solitary door at the end of a gallery, +informed her that yonder was the chamber where the patient lay. +That done, she hurried off with all the speed she could make. + +Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carried +her large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door which was +immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all +impatience to be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so +fat; and her voice was deeper and more like a man's. She had also a +beard. + +'I began to think you warn't a-coming!' Mrs Prig observed, in some +displeasure. + +'It shall be made good to-morrow night,' said Mrs Gamp 'Honorable. +I had to go and fetch my things.' She had begun to make signs of +inquiry in reference to the position of the patient and his +overhearing them--for there was a screen before the door--when +Mrs Prig settled that point easily. + +'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It an't no +matter wot you say.' + +'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp, setting +her bundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately at her +partner. + +'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I can +partlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink to say to the cold +meat, for it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.' + +Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified. + +'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,' said +Mrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last slime draught at seven. The +easy-chair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.' + +Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly good +night, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other end +of the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing +her safely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her +bundle, walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of +the sick chamber. + +'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked. +'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs and +chimley-pots to walk upon.' + +It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out of +window. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the +easy-chair, which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a +brickbadge.' Next she pursued her researches among the +physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, and tea-cups; and when she had +entirely satisfied her curiosity on all these subjects of +investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled up to the +bedside to take a look at the patient. + +A young man--dark and not ill-looking--with long black hair, that +seemed the blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His eyes +were partly open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to +side upon the pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not +utter words; but every now and then gave vent to an expression of +impatience or fatigue, sometimes of surprise; and still his restless +head--oh, weary, weary hour!--went to and fro without a moment's +intermission. + +Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at +him with her head inclined a little sideways, as a connoisseur might +gaze upon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible +remembrance of one branch of her calling took possession of the +woman; and stooping down, she pinned his wandering arms against his +sides, to see how he would look if laid out as a dead man. Her +fingers itched to compose his limbs in that last marble attitude. + +'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, 'he'd make a lovely +corpse.' + +She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the +aid of a fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a +preliminary to refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of +the night; laid what she called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same +philanthropic purpose; and also set forth a small tea-board, that +nothing might be wanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These +preparations occupied so long, that when they were brought to a +conclusion it was high time to think about supper; so she rang the +bell and ordered it. + +'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, +in a tone expressive of weakness, 'that I could pick a little bit of +pickled salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling +of white pepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat +of fresh butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be +such a thing as a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so kind as +bring it, for I'm rather partial to 'em, and they does a world of +good in a sick room. If they draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I +takes THAT ale at night, my love, it bein' considered wakeful by the +doctors. And whatever you do, young woman, don't bring more than a +shilling's-worth of gin and water-warm when I rings the bell a +second time; for that is always my allowance, and I never takes a +drop beyond!' + +Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that she +would stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end +that the patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second +time; and therefore she would thank the young woman to 'look sharp.' + +A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber and +Mrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good humour. +The extent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped +up that refreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely +be expressed in narrative. + +'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling's- +worth, 'what a blessed thing it is--living in a wale--to be +contented! What a blessed thing it is to make sick people happy in +their beds, and never mind one's self as long as one can do a +service! I don't believe a finer cowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm sure +I never see one!' + +She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and then +admistered the patient's medicine, by the simple process of +clutching his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it +down his throat. + +'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing it +away. 'There! Now he's comfortable as he can be, I'm sure! I must +try to make myself as much so as I can.' + +With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous +bed in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for +her feet. Having formed the best couch that the circumstances +admitted of, she took out of her bundle a yellow night-cap, of +prodigious size, in shape resembling a cabbage; which article of +dress she fixed and tied on with the utmost care, previously +divesting herself of a row of bald old curls that could scarcely be +called false, they were so very innocent of anything approaching to +deception. From the same repository she brought forth a night-jacket, +in which she also attired herself. Finally, she produced a +watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves, so +that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in +the act of being embraced by one of the old patrol. + +All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled +herself up on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the +room became, and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in +the streets were gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a +sepulchre; the dead of might was coffined in the silent city. + +Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the +past; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; +dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and +revels, and scenes of awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among +the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of +yesterday; and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, +weary hour! What were the wanderings of Cain, to these! + +Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to and +fro. Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and +surprise, found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though +never once in words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he +began to talk; waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though +invisible companions were about his bed; and so replying to their +speech and questioning again. + +Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the +shadow of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner. + +'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't make +none of that noise here.' + +There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of +the head, but he talked on wildly. + +'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient +shiver; 'I thought I was a-sleepin' too pleasant to last! The +devil's in the night, I think, it's turned so chilly!' + +'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all. +Don't you see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the +sparkling water was just now!' + +'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a sparkling +cup o' tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your noise!' + +He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a +dismal wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began +to count--fast. + +'One--two--three--four--five--six.' + +"One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her +knees, lighting the fire, "three, four, shut the door,"--I wish +you'd shut your mouth, young man--"five, six, picking up sticks." +If I'd got a few handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the +sooner.' + +Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the +fender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for +some time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature +backwards and forwards along the brass top, as far as she could, +without changing her position to do it. She maintained, all the +while, a running commentary upon the wanderings of the man in bed. + +'That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and +with the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the +window, and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there! +Five hundred and twenty-two--twenty-three--twenty-four. Do you see +them?' + +'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em numbered +like hackney-coaches, an't they?' + +'Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!' + +'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,' +retorted Mrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be touched then. You'll +be touched up, too, if you don't take it quiet.' + +'Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, five +hundred and thirty.--Look here!' + +'What's the matter now?' said Mrs Gamp. + +'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the +next man's, and his hand upon his shoulder. What's that upon the +arm of every man, and on the flag?' + +'Spiders, p'raps,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?' + +'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs Gamp +retorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your noise.' + +The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs +Gamp became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly +along the top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was +awakened by the room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew: + +'Chuzzlewit!' + +The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised +entreaty, that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. +She expected to find the passage filled with people, come to tell +her that the house in the city had taken fire. But the place was +empty; not a soul was there. She opened the window, and looked out. +Dark, dull, dingy, and desolate house-tops. As she passed to her +seat again, she glanced at the patient. Just the same; but silent. +Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off the watchman's coat, +and fanned herself. + +'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What could I +have been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I'll be bound.' + +The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, +and the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs +Gamp's nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; +made some buttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with her +face to the fire. + +When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had +vibrated in her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out: + +'Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!' + +Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, +and turned round with a start that made the little tea-board leap. +The cry had come from the bed. + + +It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the +window, and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew +the sky, and noisier the streets; and high into the summer air +uprose the smoke of newly kindled fires, until the busy day was +broad awake. + +Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her +other patient's. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not +admitted, the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The +doctor shook his head. It was all he could do, under the +circumstances, and he did it well. + +'What sort of a night, nurse?' + +'Restless, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Talk much?' + +'Middling, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?' + +'Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.' + +'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room +cool; give him his draughts regularly; and see that he's carefully +looked to. That's all!' + +'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of +that,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor +out; 'there's nothin' new?' + +'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin' in +his talk from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn't mind +him.' + +'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin' else +to think of.' + +'I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my +time,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy Prig'--speaking with great +feeling, and laying her hand upon her arm--'try the cowcumbers, God +bless you!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX + +AN UNEXPECTED MEETING, AND A PROMISING PROSPECT + + +The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source +of that attraction which frequently impels a shaver of the one to be +a dealer in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of +scientific bodies; not the less so, because their investigation +would seem calculated to lead to no particular result. It is enough +to know that the artist who had the honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp +as his first-floor lodger, united the two pursuits of barbering and +bird-fancying; and that it was not an original idea of his, but one +in which he had, dispersed about the by-streets and suburbs of the +town, a host of rivals. + +The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was +commonly called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was not uncommonly believed to +have been so christened, among his friends and neighbours. + +With the exception of the staircase, and his lodger's private +apartment, Poll Sweedlepipe's house was one great bird's nest. +Gamecocks resided in the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of +their golden plumage on the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; +owls had possession of the bedroom; and specimens of all the smaller +fry of birds chirrupped and twittered in the shop. The staircase +was sacred to rabbits. There in hutches of all shapes and kinds, +made from old packing-cases, boxes, drawers, and tea-chests, they +increased in a prodigious degree, and contributed their share +towards that complicated whiff which, quite impartially, and without +distinction of persons, saluted every nose that was put into +Sweedlepipe's easy shaving-shop. + +Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday +morning, before church-time. Even archbishops shave, or must be +shaved, on a Sunday, and beards WILL grow after twelve o'clock on +Saturday night, though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, +not being able to engage their valets by the quarter, hire them by +the job, and pay them--oh, the wickedness of copper coin!--in dirty +pence. Poll Sweedlepipe, the sinner, shaved all comers at a penny +each, and cut the hair of any customer for twopence; and being a +lone unmarried man, and having some connection in the bird line, Poll +got on tolerably well. + +He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from +which even rabbits and birds could not remove the smell of shaving- +soap. Poll had something of the bird in his nature; not of the +hawk or eagle, but of the sparrow, that builds in chimney-stacks and +inclines to human company. He was not quarrelsome, though, like the +sparrow; but peaceful, like the dove. In his walk he strutted; and, +in this respect, he bore a faint resemblance to the pigeon, as well +as in a certain prosiness of speech, which might, in its monotony, +be likened to the cooing of that bird. He was very inquisitive; and +when he stood at his shop-door in the evening-tide, watching the +neighbours, with his head on one side, and his eye cocked knowingly, +there was a dash of the raven in him. Yet there was no more +wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when any of his +ornithological properties were on the verge of going too far, they +were quenched, dissolved, melted down, and neutralised in the barber; +just as his bald head--otherwise, as the head of a shaved magpie-- +lost itself in a wig of curly black ringlets, parted on one side, +and cut away almost to the crown, to indicate immense capacity of +intellect. + +Poll had a very small, shrill treble voice, which might have led the +wags of Kingsgate Street to insist the more upon his feminine +designation. He had a tender heart, too; for, when he had a good +commission to provide three or four score sparrows for a shooting- +match, he would observe, in a compassionate tone, how singular it +was that sparrows should have been made expressly for such purposes. +The question, whether men were made to shoot them, never entered +into Poll's philosophy. + +Poll wore, in his sporting character, a velveteen coat, a great deal +of blue stocking, ankle boots, a neckerchief of some bright colour, +and a very tall hat. Pursuing his more quiet occupation of barber, +he generally subsided into an apron not over-clean, a flannel +jacket, and corduroy knee-shorts. It was in this latter costume, +but with his apron girded round his waist, as a token of his having +shut up shop for the night, that he closed the door one evening, +some weeks after the occurrences detailed in the last chapter, and +stood upon the steps in Kingsgate Street, listening until the little +cracked bell within should leave off ringing. For until it did-- +this was Mr Sweedlepipe's reflection--the place never seemed quiet +enough to be left to itself. + +'It's the greediest little bell to ring,' said Poll, 'that ever was. +But it's quiet at last.' + +He rolled his apron up a little tighter as he said these words, and +hastened down the street. Just as he was turning into Holborn, he +ran against a young gentleman in a livery. This youth was bold, +though small, and with several lively expressions of displeasure, +turned upon him instantly. + +'Now, STOO-PID!' cried the young gentleman. 'Can't you look where +you're a-going to--eh? Can't you mind where you're a-coming to--eh? +What do you think your eyes was made for--eh? Ah! Yes. Oh! Now +then!' + +The young gentleman pronounced the two last words in a very loud +tone and with frightful emphasis, as though they contained within +themselves the essence of the direst aggravation. But he had +scarcely done so, when his anger yielded to surprise, and he cried, +in a milder tone: + +'What! Polly!' + +'Why, it an't you, sure!' cried Poll. 'It can't be you!' + +'No. It an't me,' returned the youth. 'It's my son, my oldest +one. He's a credit to his father, an't he, Polly?' With this +delicate little piece of banter, he halted on the pavement, and went +round and round in circles, for the better exhibition of his figure; +rather to the inconvenience of the passengers generally, who were +not in an equal state of spirits with himself. + +'I wouldn't have believed it,' said Poll. 'What! You've left your +old place, then? Have you?' + +'Have I!' returned his young friend, who had by this time stuck his +hands into the pockets of his white cord breeches, and was +swaggering along at the barber's side. 'D'ye know a pair of top- +boots when you see 'em, Polly?--look here!' + +'Beau-ti-ful' cried Mr Sweedlepipe. + +'D'ye know a slap-up sort of button, when you see it?' said the +youth. 'Don't look at mine, if you ain't a judge, because these +lions' heads was made for men of taste; not snobs.' + +'Beau-ti-ful!' cried the barber again. 'A grass-green frock-coat, +too, bound with gold; and a cockade in your hat!' + +'I should hope so,' replied the youth. 'Blow the cockade, though; +for, except that it don't turn round, it's like the wentilator that +used to be in the kitchen winder at Todgers's. You ain't seen the +old lady's name in the Gazette, have you?' + +'No,' returned the barber. 'Is she a bankrupt?' + +'If she ain't, she will be,' retorted Bailey. 'That bis'ness never +can be carried on without ME. Well! How are you?' + +'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. 'Are you living at this end of +the town, or were you coming to see me? Was that the bis'ness that +brought you to Holborn?' + +'I haven't got no bis'ness in Holborn,' returned Bailey, with some +displeasure. 'All my bis'ness lays at the West End. I've got the +right sort of governor now. You can't see his face for his +whiskers, and can't see his whiskers for the dye upon 'em. That's a +gentleman ain't it? You wouldn't like a ride in a cab, would you? +Why, it wouldn't be safe to offer it. You'd faint away, only to see +me a-comin' at a mild trot round the corner.' + +To convey a slight idea of the effect of this approach, Mr Bailey +counterfeited in his own person the action of a high-trotting horse +and threw up his head so high, in backing against a pump, that he +shook his hat off. + +'Why, he's own uncle to Capricorn,' said Bailey, 'and brother to +Cauliflower. He's been through the winders of two chaney shops +since we've had him, and was sold for killin' his missis. That's a +horse, I hope?' + +'Ah! you'll never want to buy any more red polls, now,' observed +Poll, looking on his young friend with an air of melancholy. +'You'll never want to buy any more red polls now, to hang up over +the sink, will you?' + +'I should think not,' replied Bailey. 'Reether so. I wouldn't have +nothin' to say to any bird below a Peacock; and HE'd be wulgar. +Well, how are you?' + +'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. He answered the question again +because Mr Bailey asked it again; Mr Bailey asked it again, because +--accompanied with a straddling action of the white cords, a bend of +the knees, and a striking forth of the top-boots--it was an easy +horse-fleshy, turfy sort of thing to do. + +'Wot are you up to, old feller?' added Mr Bailey, with the same +graceful rakishness. He was quite the man-about-town of the +conversation, while the easy-shaver was the child. + +'Why, I am going to fetch my lodger home,' said Paul. + +'A woman!' cried Mr Bailey, 'for a twenty-pun' note!' + +The little barber hastened to explain that she was neither a young +woman, nor a handsome woman, but a nurse, who had been acting as a +kind of house-keeper to a gentleman for some weeks past, and left +her place that night, in consequence of being superseded by another +and a more legitimate house-keeper--to wit, the gentleman's bride. + +'He's newly married, and he brings his young wife home to-night,' +said the barber. 'So I'm going to fetch my lodger away--Mr +Chuzzlewit's, close behind the Post Office--and carry her box for +her.' + +'Jonas Chuzzlewit's?' said Bailey. + +'Ah!' returned Paul: 'that's the name sure enough. Do you know +him?' + +'Oh, no!' cried Mr Bailey; 'not at all. And I don't know her! Not +neither! Why, they first kept company through me, a'most.' + +'Ah?' said Paul. + +'Ah!' said Mr Bailey, with a wink; 'and she ain't bad looking mind +you. But her sister was the best. SHE was the merry one. I often +used to have a bit of fun with her, in the hold times!' + +Mr Bailey spoke as if he already had a leg and three-quarters in the +grave, and this had happened twenty or thirty years ago. Paul +Sweedlepipe, the meek, was so perfectly confounded by his precocious +self-possession, and his patronizing manner, as well as by his +boots, cockade, and livery, that a mist swam before his eyes, and he +saw--not the Bailey of acknowledged juvenility from Todgers's +Commercial Boarding House, who had made his acquaintance within a +twelvemonth, by purchasing, at sundry times, small birds at twopence +each--but a highly-condensed embodiment of all the sporting grooms +in London; an abstract of all the stable-knowledge of the time; a +something at a high-pressure that must have had existence many +years, and was fraught with terrible experiences. And truly, though +in the cloudy atmosphere of Todgers's, Mr Bailey's genius had ever +shone out brightly in this particular respect, it now eclipsed both +time and space, cheated beholders of their senses, and worked on +their belief in defiance of all natural laws. He walked along the +tangible and real stones of Holborn Hill, an undersized boy; and +yet he winked the winks, and thought the thoughts, and did the +deeds, and said the sayings of an ancient man. There was an old +principle within him, and a young surface without. He became an +inexplicable creature; a breeched and booted Sphinx. There was no +course open to the barber, but to go distracted himself, or to take +Bailey for granted; and he wisely chose the latter. + +Mr Bailey was good enough to continue to bear him company, and to +entertain him, as they went, with easy conversation on various +sporting topics; especially on the comparative merits, as a general +principle, of horses with white stockings, and horses without. In +regard to the style of tail to be preferred, Mr Bailey had opinions +of his own, which he explained, but begged they might by no means +influence his friend's, as here he knew he had the misfortune to +differ from some excellent authorities. He treated Mr Sweedlepipe +to a dram, compounded agreeably to his own directions, which he +informed him had been invented by a member of the Jockey Club; and, +as they were by this time near the barber's destination, he observed +that, as he had an hour to spare, and knew the parties, he would, if +quite agreeable, be introduced to Mrs Gamp. + +Paul knocked at Jonas Chuzzlewit's; and, on the door being opened by +that lady, made the two distinguished persons known to one another. +It was a happy feature in Mrs Gamp's twofold profession, that it +gave her an interest in everything that was young as well as in +everything that was old. She received Mr Bailey with much kindness. + +'It's very good, I'm sure, of you to come,' she said to her +landlord, 'as well as bring so nice a friend. But I'm afraid +that I must trouble you so far as to step in, for the young couple +has not yet made appearance.' + +'They're late, ain't they?' inquired her landlord, when she had +conducted them downstairs into the kitchen. + +'Well, sir, considern' the Wings of Love, they are,' said Mrs Gamp. + +Mr Bailey inquired whether the Wings of Love had ever won a plate, +or could be backed to do anything remarkable; and being informed +that it was not a horse, but merely a poetical or figurative +expression, evinced considerable disgust. Mrs Gamp was so very much +astonished by his affable manners and great ease, that she was about +to propound to her landlord in a whisper the staggering inquiry, +whether he was a man or a boy, when Mr Sweedlepipe, anticipating her +design, made a timely diversion. + +'He knows Mrs Chuzzlewit,' said Paul aloud. + +'There's nothin' he don't know; that's my opinion,' observed Mrs +Gamp. 'All the wickedness of the world is Print to him.' + +Mr Bailey received this as a compliment, and said, adjusting his +cravat, 'reether so.' + +'As you knows Mrs Chuzzlewit, you knows, p'raps, what her chris'en +name is?' Mrs Gamp observed. + +'Charity,' said Bailey. + +'That it ain't!' cried Mrs Gamp. + +'Cherry, then,' said Bailey. 'Cherry's short for it. It's all the +same.' + +'It don't begin with a C at all,' retorted Mrs Gamp, shaking her +head. 'It begins with a M.' + +'Whew!' cried Mr Bailey, slapping a little cloud of pipe-clay out of +his left leg, 'then he's been and married the merry one!' + +As these words were mysterious, Mrs Gamp called upon him to explain, +which Mr Bailey proceeded to do; that lady listening greedily to +everything he said. He was yet in the fullness of his narrative when +the sound of wheels, and a double knock at the street door, +announced the arrival of the newly married couple. Begging him to +reserve what more he had to say for her hearing on the way home, +Mrs Gamp took up the candle, and hurried away to receive and welcome +the young mistress of the house. + +'Wishing you appiness and joy with all my art,' said Mrs Gamp, +dropping a curtsey as they entered the hall; 'and you, too, sir. +Your lady looks a little tired with the journey, Mr Chuzzlewit, a +pretty dear!' + +'She has bothered enough about it,' grumbled Mr Jonas. 'Now, show a +light, will you?' + +'This way, ma'am, if you please,' said Mrs Gamp, going upstairs +before them. 'Things has been made as comfortable as they could be, +but there's many things you'll have to alter your own self when you +gets time to look about you! Ah! sweet thing! But you don't,' added +Mrs Gamp, internally, 'you don't look much like a merry one, I must +say!' + +It was true; she did not. The death that had gone before the bridal +seemed to have left its shade upon the house. The air was heavy and +oppressive; the rooms were dark; a deep gloom filled up every chink +and corner. Upon the hearthstone, like a creature of ill omen, sat +the aged clerk, with his eyes fixed on some withered branches in the +stove. He rose and looked at her. + +'So there you are, Mr Chuff,' said Jonas carelessly, as he dusted +his boots; 'still in the land of the living, eh?' + +'Still in the land of the living, sir,' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'And Mr +Chuffey may thank you for it, as many and many a time I've told +him.' + +Mr Jonas was not in the best of humours, for he merely said, as he +looked round, 'We don't want you any more, you know, Mrs Gamp.' + +'I'm a-going immediate, sir,' returned the nurse; 'unless there's +nothink I can do for you, ma'am. Ain't there,' said Mrs Gamp, with +a look of great sweetness, and rummaging all the time in her pocket; +'ain't there nothink I can do for you, my little bird?' + +'No,' said Merry, almost crying. 'You had better go away, please!' + +With a leer of mingled sweetness and slyness; with one eye on the +future, one on the bride, and an arch expression in her face, partly +spiritual, partly spirituous, and wholly professional and peculiar +to her art; Mrs Gamp rummaged in her pocket again, and took from it +a printed card, whereon was an inscription copied from her signboard. + +'Would you be so good, my darling dovey of a dear young married +lady,' Mrs Gamp observed, in a low voice, 'as put that somewheres +where you can keep it in your mind? I'm well beknown to many +ladies, and it's my card. Gamp is my name, and Gamp my nater. +Livin' quite handy, I will make so bold as call in now and then, and +make inquiry how your health and spirits is, my precious chick!' + +And with innumerable leers, winks, coughs, nods, smiles, and +curtseys, all leading to the establishment of a mysterious and +confidential understanding between herself and the bride, Mrs Gamp, +invoking a blessing upon the house, leered, winked, coughed, nodded, +smiled, and curtseyed herself out of the room. + +'But I will say, and I would if I was led a Martha to the Stakes for +it,' Mrs Gamp remarked below stairs, in a whisper, 'that she don't +look much like a merry one at this present moment of time.' + +'Ah! wait till you hear her laugh!' said Bailey. + +'Hem!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a kind of groan. 'I will, child.' + +They said no more in the house, for Mrs Gamp put on her bonnet, Mr +Sweedlepipe took up her box; and Mr Bailey accompanied them towards +Kingsgate Street; recounting to Mrs Gamp as they went along, the +origin and progress of his acquaintance with Mrs Chuzzlewit and her +sister. It was a pleasant instance of this youth's precocity, that +he fancied Mrs Gamp had conceived a tenderness for him, and was much +tickled by her misplaced attachment. + +As the door closed heavily behind them, Mrs Jonas sat down in a +chair, and felt a strange chill creep upon her, whilst she looked +about the room. It was pretty much as she had known it, but +appeared more dreary. She had thought to see it brightened to +receive her. + +'It ain't good enough for you, I suppose?' said Jonas, watching her +looks. + +'Why, it IS dull,' said Merry, trying to be more herself. + +'It'll be duller before you're done with it,' retorted Jonas, 'if +you give me any of your airs. You're a nice article, to turn sulky +on first coming home! Ecod, you used to have life enough, when you +could plague me with it. The gal's downstairs. Ring the bell for +supper, while I take my boots off!' + +She roused herself from looking after him as he left the room, to do +what he had desired; when the old man Chuffey laid his hand softly +on her arm. + +'You are not married?' he said eagerly. 'Not married?' + +'Yes. A month ago. Good Heaven, what is the matter?' + +He answered nothing was the matter; and turned from her. But in her +fear and wonder, turning also, she saw him raise his trembling hands +above his head, and heard him say: + +'Oh! woe, woe, woe, upon this wicked house!' + +It was her welcome--HOME. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN + +SHOWING THAT OLD FRIENDS MAY NOT ONLY APPEAR WITH NEW FACES, BUT IN +FALSE COLOURS. THAT PEOPLE ARE PRONE TO BITE, AND THAT BITERS MAY +SOMETIMES BE BITTEN. + + +Mr Bailey, Junior--for the sporting character, whilom of general +utility at Todgers's, had now regularly set up in life under that +name, without troubling himself to obtain from the legislature a +direct licence in the form of a Private Bill, which of all kinds and +classes of bills is without exception the most unreasonable in its +charges--Mr Bailey, Junior, just tall enough to be seen by an +inquiring eye, gazing indolently at society from beneath the apron +of his master's cab, drove slowly up and down Pall Mall, about the +hour of noon, in waiting for his 'Governor.' The horse of +distinguished family, who had Capricorn for his nephew, and +Cauliflower for his brother, showed himself worthy of his high +relations by champing at the bit until his chest was white with +foam, and rearing like a horse in heraldry; the plated harness and +the patent leather glittered in the sun; pedestrians admired; Mr +Bailey was complacent, but unmoved. He seemed to say, 'A barrow, +good people, a mere barrow; nothing to what we could do, if we +chose!' and on he went, squaring his short green arms outside the +apron, as if he were hooked on to it by his armpits. + +Mr Bailey had a great opinion of Brother to Cauliflower, and +estimated his powers highly. But he never told him so. On the +contrary, it was his practice, in driving that animal, to assail him +with disrespectful, if not injurious, expressions, as, 'Ah! would +you!' 'Did you think it, then?' 'Where are you going to now?' 'No, +you won't, my lad!' and similar fragmentary remarks. These being +usually accompanied by a jerk of the rein, or a crack of the whip, +led to many trials of strength between them, and to many contentions +for the upper-hand, terminating, now and then, in china-shops, and +other unusual goals, as Mr Bailey had already hinted to his friend +Poll Sweedlepipe. + +On the present occasion Mr Bailey, being in spirits, was more than +commonly hard upon his charge; in consequence of which that fiery +animal confined himself almost entirely to his hind legs in +displaying his paces, and constantly got himself into positions with +reference to the cabriolet that very much amazed the passengers in +the street. But Mr Bailey, not at all disturbed, had still a shower +of pleasantries to bestow on any one who crossed his path; as, +calling to a full-grown coal-heaver in a wagon, who for a moment +blocked the way, 'Now, young 'un, who trusted YOU with a cart?' +inquiring of elderly ladies who wanted to cross, and ran back again, +'Why they didn't go to the workhouse and get an order to be buried?' +tempting boys, with friendly words, to get up behind, and +immediately afterwards cutting them down; and the like flashes of a +cheerful humour, which he would occasionally relieve by going round +St. James's Square at a hand gallop, and coming slowly into Pall +Mall by another entry, as if, in the interval, his pace had been a +perfect crawl. + +It was not until these amusements had been very often repeated, and +the apple-stall at the corner had sustained so many miraculous +escapes as to appear impregnable, that Mr Bailey was summoned to the +door of a certain house in Pall Mall, and turning short, obeyed the +call and jumped out. It was not until he had held the bridle for +some minutes longer, every jerk of Cauliflower's brother's head, and +every twitch of Cauliflower's brother's nostril, taking him off his +legs in the meanwhile, that two persons entered the vehicle, one of +whom took the reins and drove rapidly off. Nor was it until Mr +Bailey had run after it some hundreds of yards in vain, that he +managed to lift his short leg into the iron step, and finally to get +his boots upon the little footboard behind. Then, indeed, he became +a sight to see; and--standing now on one foot and now upon the other, +now trying to look round the cab on this side, now on that, and now +endeavouring to peep over the top of it, as it went dashing in among +the carts and coaches--was from head to heel Newmarket. + +The appearance of Mr Bailey's governor as he drove along fully +justified that enthusiastic youth's description of him to the +wondering Poll. He had a world of jet-black shining hair upon his +head, upon his cheeks, upon his chin, upon his upper lip. His +clothes, symmetrically made, were of the newest fashion and the +costliest kind. Flowers of gold and blue, and green and blushing +red, were on his waistcoat; precious chains and jewels sparkled on +his breast; his fingers, clogged with brilliant rings, were as +unwieldly as summer flies but newly rescued from a honey-pot. The +daylight mantled in his gleaming hat and boots as in a polished +glass. And yet, though changed his name, and changed his outward +surface, it was Tigg. Though turned and twisted upside down, and +inside out, as great men have been sometimes known to be; though no +longer Montague Tigg, but Tigg Montague; still it was Tigg; the same +Satanic, gallant, military Tigg. The brass was burnished, +lacquered, newly stamped; yet it was the true Tigg metal +notwithstanding. + +Beside him sat a smiling gentleman, of less pretensions and of +business looks, whom he addressed as David. Surely not the David of +the--how shall it be phrased?--the triumvirate of golden balls? Not +David, tapster at the Lombards' Arms? Yes. The very man. + +'The secretary's salary, David,' said Mr Montague, 'the office being +now established, is eight hundred pounds per annum, with his house- +rent, coals, and candles free. His five-and-twenty shares he holds, +of course. Is that enough?' + +David smiled and nodded, and coughed behind a little locked +portfolio which he carried; with an air that proclaimed him to be +the secretary in question. + +'If that's enough,' said Montague, 'I will propose it at the Board +to-day, in my capacity as chairman.' + +The secretary smiled again; laughed, indeed, this time; and said, +rubbing his nose slily with one end of the portfolio: + +'It was a capital thought, wasn't it?' + +'What was a capital thought, David?' Mr Montague inquired. + +'The Anglo-Bengalee,' tittered the secretary. + +'The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company is +rather a capital concern, I hope, David,' said Montague. + +'Capital indeed!' cried the secretary, with another laugh--' in one +sense.' + +'In the only important one,' observed the chairman; 'which is number +one, David.' + +'What,' asked the secretary, bursting into another laugh, 'what will +be the paid up capital, according to the next prospectus?' + +'A figure of two, and as many oughts after it as the printer can get +into the same line,' replied his friend. 'Ha, ha!' + +At this they both laughed; the secretary so vehemently, that in +kicking up his feet, he kicked the apron open, and nearly started +Cauliflower's brother into an oyster shop; not to mention Mr +Bailey's receiving such a sudden swing, that he held on for a +moment quite a young Fame, by one strap and no legs. + +'What a chap you are!' exclaimed David admiringly, when this little +alarm had subsided. + +'Say, genius, David, genius.' + +'"Well, upon my soul, you ARE a genius then,' said David. 'I always +knew you had the gift of the gab, of course; but I never believed +you were half the man you are. How could I?' + +'I rise with circumstances, David. That's a point of genius in +itself,' said Tigg. 'If you were to lose a hundred pound wager to +me at this minute David, and were to pay it (which is most +confoundedly improbable), I should rise, in a mental point of view, +directly.' + +It is due to Mr Tigg to say that he had really risen with his +opportunities; and, peculating on a grander scale, he had become +a grander man altogether. + +'Ha, ha,' cried the secretary, laying his hand, with growing +familiarity, upon the chairman's arm. 'When I look at you, and +think of your property in Bengal being--ha, ha, ha!--' + +The half-expressed idea seemed no less ludicrous to Mr Tigg than to +his friend, for he laughed too, heartily. + +'--Being,' resumed David, 'being amenable--your property in Bengal +being amenable--to all claims upon the company; when I look at you +and think of that, you might tickle me into fits by waving the +feather of a pen at me. Upon my soul you might!' + +'It a devilish fine property,' said Tigg Montague, 'to be amenable +to any claims. The preserve of tigers alone is worth a mint of +money, David.' + +David could only reply in the intervals of his laughter, 'Oh, what a +chap you are!' and so continued to laugh, and hold his sides, and +wipe his eyes, for some time, without offering any other +observation. + +'A capital idea?' said Tigg, returning after a time to his +companion's first remark; 'no doubt it was a capital idea. It was +my idea.' + +'No, no. It was my idea,' said David. 'Hang it, let a man have +some credit. Didn't I say to you that I'd saved a few pounds?--' + +'You said! Didn't I say to you,' interposed Tigg, 'that I had come +into a few pounds?' + +'Certainly you did,' returned David, warmly, 'but that's not the +idea. Who said, that if we put the money together we could furnish +an office, and make a show?' + +'And who said,' retorted Mr Tigg, 'that, provided we did it on a +sufficiently large scale, we could furnish an office and make a +show, without any money at all? Be rational, and just, and calm, +and tell me whose idea was that.' + +'Why, there,' David was obliged to confess, 'you had the advantage +of me, I admit. But I don't put myself on a level with you. I only +want a little credit in the business.' + +'All the credit you deserve to have,' said Tigg. + +'The plain work of the company, David--figures, books, circulars, +advertisements, pen, ink, and paper, sealing-wax and wafers--is +admirably done by you. You are a first-rate groveller. I don't +dispute it. But the ornamental department, David; the inventive +and poetical department--' + +'Is entirely yours,' said his friend. 'No question of it. But with +such a swell turnout as this, and all the handsome things you've +got about you, and the life you lead, I mean to say it's a precious +comfortable department too.' + +'Does it gain the purpose? Is it Anglo-Bengalee?' asked Tigg. + +'Yes,' said David. + +'Could you undertake it yourself?' demanded Tigg. + +'No,' said David. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Tigg. 'Then be contented with your station and +your profits, David, my fine fellow, and bless the day that made us +acquainted across the counter of our common uncle, for it was a +golden day to you.' + +It will have been already gathered from the conversation of these +worthies, that they were embarked in an enterprise of some +magnitude, in which they addressed the public in general from the +strong position of having everything to gain and nothing at all to +lose; and which, based upon this great principle, was thriving +pretty comfortably. + +The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company +started into existence one morning, not an Infant Institution, but a +Grown-up Company running alone at a great pace, and doing business +right and left: with a 'branch' in a first floor over a tailor's at +the west-end of the town, and main offices in a new street in the +City, comprising the upper part of a spacious house resplendent in +stucco and plate-glass, with wire-blinds in all the windows, and +'Anglo-Bengalee' worked into the pattern of every one of them. On +the doorpost was painted again in large letters, 'offices of the +Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company,' and +on the door was a large brass plate with the same inscription; +always kept very bright, as courting inquiry; staring the City out +of countenance after office hours on working days, and all day long +on Sundays; and looking bolder than the Bank. Within, the offices +were newly plastered, newly painted, newly papered, newly countered, +newly floor-clothed, newly tabled, newly chaired, newly fitted up in +every way, with goods that were substantial and expensive, and +designed (like the company) to last. Business! Look at the green +ledgers with red backs, like strong cricket-balls beaten flat; the +court-guides directories, day-books, almanacks, letter-boxes, +weighing-machines for letters, rows of fire-buckets for dashing out +a conflagration in its first spark, and saving the immense wealth in +notes and bonds belonging to the company; look at the iron safes, +the clock, the office seal--in its capacious self, security for +anything. Solidity! Look at the massive blocks of marble in the +chimney-pieces, and the gorgeous parapet on the top of the house! +Publicity! Why, Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance +company is painted on the very coal-scuttles. It is repeated at +every turn until the eyes are dazzled with it, and the head is +giddy. It is engraved upon the top of all the letter paper, and it +makes a scroll-work round the seal, and it shines out of the +porter's buttons, and it is repeated twenty times in every circular +and public notice wherein one David Crimple, Esquire, Secretary and +resident Director, takes the liberty of inviting your attention to +the accompanying statement of the advantages offered by the Anglo- +Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company; and fully +proves to you that any connection on your part with that +establishment must result in a perpetual Christmas Box and +constantly increasing Bonus to yourself, and that nobody can run any +risk by the transaction except the office, which, in its great +liberality is pretty sure to lose. And this, David Crimple, +Esquire, submits to you (and the odds are heavy you believe him), is +the best guarantee that can reasonably be suggested by the Board of +Management for its permanence and stability. + +This gentleman's name, by the way, had been originally Crimp; but as +the word was susceptible of an awkward construction and might be +misrepresented, he had altered it to Crimple. + +Lest with all these proofs and confirmations, any man should be +suspicious of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life +Assurance company; should doubt in tiger, cab, or person, Tigg +Montague, Esquire, (of Pall Mall and Bengal), or any other name in +the imaginative List of Directors; there was a porter on the +premises--a wonderful creature, in a vast red waistcoat and a short- +tailed pepper-and-salt coat--who carried more conviction to the +minds of sceptics than the whole establishment without him. No +confidences existed between him and the Directorship; nobody knew +where he had served last; no character or explanation had been given +or required. No questions had been asked on either side. This +mysterious being, relying solely on his figure, had applied for the +situation, and had been instantly engaged on his own terms. They +were high; but he knew, doubtless, that no man could carry such an +extent of waistcoat as himself, and felt the full value of his +capacity to such an institution. When he sat upon a seat erected +for him in a corner of the office, with his glazed hat hanging on a +peg over his head, it was impossible to doubt the respectability of +the concern. It went on doubling itself with every square inch of +his red waistcoat until, like the problem of the nails in the +horse's shoes, the total became enormous. People had been known to +apply to effect an insurance on their lives for a thousand pounds, +and looking at him, to beg, before the form of proposal was filled +up, that it might be made two. And yet he was not a giant. His +coat was rather small than otherwise. The whole charm was in his +waistcoat. Respectability, competence, property in Bengal or +anywhere else, responsibility to any amount on the part of the +company that employed him, were all expressed in that one garment. + +Rival offices had endeavoured to lure him away; Lombard Street +itself had beckoned to him; rich companies had whispered 'Be a +Beadle!' but he still continued faithful to the Anglo-Bengalee. +Whether he was a deep rogue, or a stately simpleton, it was +impossible to make out, but he appeared to believe in the Anglo- +Bengalee. He was grave with imaginary cares of office; and having +nothing whatever to do, and something less to take care of, would +look as if the pressure of his numerous duties, and a sense of the +treasure in the company's strong-room, made him a solemn and a +thoughtful man. + +As the cabriolet drove up to the door, this officer appeared +bare-headed on the pavement, crying aloud 'Room for the chairman, +room for the chairman, if you please!' much to the admiration of the +bystanders, who, it is needless to say, had their attention directed +to the Anglo-Bengalee Company thenceforth, by that means. Mr Tigg +leaped gracefully out, followed by the Managing Director (who was by +this time very distant and respectful), and ascended the stairs, +still preceded by the porter, who cried as he went, 'By your leave +there! by your leave! The Chairman of the Board, Gentle--MEN! In +like manner, but in a still more stentorian voice, he ushered the +chairman through the public office, where some humble clients were +transacting business, into an awful chamber, labelled Board-room; +the door of which sanctuary immediately closed, and screened the +great capitalist from vulgar eyes. + +The board-room had a Turkey carpet in it, a sideboard, a portrait of +Tigg Montague, Esquire, as chairman; a very imposing chair of +office, garnished with an ivory hammer and a little hand-bell; and a +long table, set out at intervals with sheets of blotting-paper, +foolscap, clean pens, and inkstands. The chairman having taken his +seat with great solemnity, the secretary supported him on his right +hand, and the porter stood bolt upright behind them, forming a warm +background of waistcoat. This was the board: everything else being +a light-hearted little fiction. + +'Bullamy!' said Mr Tigg. + +'Sir!' replied the porter. + +'Let the Medical Officer know, with my compliments, that I wish to +see him.' + +Bullamy cleared his throat, and bustled out into the office, crying +'The Chairman of the Board wishes to see the Medical Officer. By +your leave there! By your leave!' He soon returned with the +gentleman in question; and at both openings of the board-room door-- +at his coming in and at his going out--simple clients were seen to +stretch their necks and stand upon their toes, thirsting to catch +the slightest glimpse of that mysterious chamber. + +'Jobling, my dear friend!' said Mr Tigg, 'how are you? Bullamy, +wait outside. Crimple, don't leave us. Jobling, my good fellow, I +am glad to see you.' + +'And how are you, Mr Montague, eh?' said the Medical Officer, +throwing himself luxuriously into an easy-chair (they were all easy- +chairs in the board-room), and taking a handsome gold snuff-box from +the pocket of his black satin waistcoat. 'How are you? A little +worn with business, eh? If so, rest. A little feverish from wine, +humph? If so, water. Nothing at all the matter, and quite +comfortable? Then take some lunch. A very wholesome thing at this +time of day to strengthen the gastric juices with lunch, Mr +Montague.' + +The Medical Officer (he was the same medical officer who had +followed poor old Anthony Chuzzlewit to the grave, and who had +attended Mrs Gamp's patient at the Bull) smiled in saying these +words; and casually added, as he brushed some grains of snuff from +his shirt-frill, 'I always take it myself about this time of day, do +you know!' + +'Bullamy!' said the Chairman, ringing the little bell. + +'Sir!' + +'Lunch.' + +'Not on my account, I hope?' said the doctor. 'You are very good. +Thank you. I'm quite ashamed. Ha, ha! if I had been a sharp +practitioner, Mr Montague, I shouldn't have mentioned it without a +fee; for you may depend upon it, my dear sir, that if you don't make +a point of taking lunch, you'll very soon come under my hands. +Allow me to illustrate this. In Mr Crimple's leg--' + +The resident Director gave an involuntary start, for the doctor, in +the heat of his demonstration, caught it up and laid it across his +own, as if he were going to take it off, then and there. + +'In Mr Crimple's leg, you'll observe,' pursued the doctor, turning +back his cuffs and spanning the limb with both hands, 'where Mr +Crimple's knee fits into the socket, here, there is--that is to say, +between the bone and the socket--a certain quantity of animal oil.' + +'What do you pick MY leg out for?' said Mr Crimple, looking with +something of an anxious expression at his limb. 'It's the same with +other legs, ain't it?' + +'Never you mind, my good sir,' returned the doctor, shaking his +head, 'whether it is the same with other legs, or not the same.' + +'But I do mind,' said David. + +'I take a particular case, Mr Montague,' returned the doctor, 'as +illustrating my remark, you observe. In this portion of Mr +Crimple's leg, sir, there is a certain amount of animal oil. In +every one of Mr Crimple's joints, sir, there is more or less of the +same deposit. Very good. If Mr Crimple neglects his meals, or +fails to take his proper quantity of rest, that oil wanes, and +becomes exhausted. What is the consequence? Mr Crimple's bones +sink down into their sockets, sir, and Mr Crimple becomes a weazen, +puny, stunted, miserable man!' + +The doctor let Mr Crimple's leg fall suddenly, as if he were already +in that agreeable condition; turned down his wristbands again, and +looked triumphantly at the chairman. + +'We know a few secrets of nature in our profession, sir,' said the +doctor. 'Of course we do. We study for that; we pass the Hall and +the College for that; and we take our station in society BY that. +It's extraordinary how little is known on these subjects generally. +Where do you suppose, now'--the doctor closed one eye, as he leaned +back smilingly in his chair, and formed a triangle with his hands, +of which his two thumbs composed the base--'where do you suppose Mr +Crimple's stomach is?' + +Mr Crimple, more agitated than before, clapped his hand immediately +below his waistcoat. + +'Not at all,' cried the doctor; 'not at all. Quite a popular +mistake! My good sir, you're altogether deceived.' + +'I feel it there, when it's out of order; that's all I know,' said +Crimple. + +'You think you do,' replied the doctor; 'but science knows better. +There was a patient of mine once,' touching one of the many mourning +rings upon his fingers, and slightly bowing his head, 'a gentleman +who did me the honour to make a very handsome mention of me in his +will--"in testimony," as he was pleased to say, "of the unremitting +zeal, talent, and attention of my friend and medical attendant, John +Jobling, Esquire, M.R.C.S.,"--who was so overcome by the idea of +having all his life laboured under an erroneous view of the locality +of this important organ, that when I assured him on my professional +reputation, he was mistaken, he burst into tears, put out his hand, +and said, "Jobling, God bless you!" Immediately afterwards he became +speechless, and was ultimately buried at Brixton.' + +'By your leave there!' cried Bullamy, without. 'By your leave! +Refreshment for the Board-room!' + +'Ha!' said the doctor, jocularly, as he rubbed his hands, and drew +his chair nearer to the table. 'The true Life Assurance, Mr +Montague. The best Policy in the world, my dear sir. We should be +provident, and eat and drink whenever we can. Eh, Mr Crimple?' + +The resident Director acquiesced rather sulkily, as if the +gratification of replenishing his stomach had been impaired by the +unsettlement of his preconceived opinions in reference to its +situation. But the appearance of the porter and under-porter with a +tray covered with a snow-white cloth, which, being thrown back, +displayed a pair of cold roast fowls, flanked by some potted meats +and a cool salad, quickly restored his good humour. It was enhanced +still further by the arrival of a bottle of excellent madeira, and +another of champagne; and he soon attacked the repast with an +appetite scarcely inferior to that of the medical officer. + +The lunch was handsomely served, with a profusion of rich glass +plate, and china; which seemed to denote that eating and drinking on +a showy scale formed no unimportant item in the business of the +Anglo-Bengalee Directorship. As it proceeded, the Medical Officer +grew more and more joyous and red-faced, insomuch that every +mouthful he ate, and every drop of wine he swallowed, seemed to +impart new lustre to his eyes, and to light up new sparks in his +nose and forehead. + +In certain quarters of the City and its neighbourhood, Mr Jobling +was, as we have already seen in some measure, a very popular +character. He had a portentously sagacious chin, and a pompous +voice, with a rich huskiness in some of its tones that went directly +to the heart, like a ray of light shining through the ruddy medium +of choice old burgundy. His neckerchief and shirt-frill were ever +of the whitest, his clothes of the blackest and sleekest, his gold +watch-chain of the heaviest, and his seals of the largest. His +boots, which were always of the brightest, creaked as he walked. +Perhaps he could shake his head, rub his hands, or warm himself +before a fire, better than any man alive; and he had a peculiar way +of smacking his lips and saying, 'Ah!' at intervals while patients +detailed their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It seemed +to express, 'I know what you're going to say better than you do; but +go on, go on.' As he talked on all occasions whether he had anything +to say or not, it was unanimously observed of him that he was 'full +of anecdote;' and his experience and profit from it were considered, +for the same reason, to be something much too extensive for +description. His female patients could never praise him too highly; +and the coldest of his male admirers would always say this for him +to their friends, 'that whatever Jobling's professional skill might +be (and it could not be denied that he had a very high reputation), +he was one of the most comfortable fellows you ever saw in your +life!' + +Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his +connection lay principally among tradesmen and their families, +exactly the sort of person whom the Anglo-Bengalee Company wanted +for a medical officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect +himself with the company in any closer ties than as a paid (and well +paid) functionary, or to allow his connection to be misunderstood +abroad, if he could help it. Hence he always stated the case to an +inquiring patient, after this manner: + +'Why, my dear sir, with regard to the Anglo-Bengalee, my +information, you see, is limited; very limited. I am the medical +officer, in consideration of a certain monthly payment. The +labourer is worthy of his hire; BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT'--('classical +scholar, Jobling!' thinks the patient, 'well-read man!')--'and I +receive it regularly. Therefore I am bound, so far as my own +knowledge goes, to speak well of the establishment.' ('Nothing can +be fairer than Jobling's conduct,' thinks the patient, who has just +paid Jobling's bill himself.) 'If you put any question to me, my +dear friend,' says the doctor, 'touching the responsibility or +capital of the company, there I am at fault; for I have no head for +figures, and not being a shareholder, am delicate of showing any +curiosity whatever on the subject. Delicacy--your amiable lady will +agree with me I am sure--should be one of the first characteristics +of a medical man.' ('Nothing can be finer or more gentlemanly than +Jobling's feeling,' thinks the patient.) 'Very good, my dear sir, so +the matter stands. You don't know Mr Montague? I'm sorry for it. +A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in every respect. +Property, I am told, in India. House and everything belonging to +him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant and lavish +scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, +are per-fection. In case you should ever think of doing anything +with the company, I'll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can +conscientiously report you a healthy subject. If I understand any +man's constitution, it is yours; and this little indisposition has +done him more good, ma'am,' says the doctor, turning to the +patient's wife, 'than if he had swallowed the contents of half the +nonsensical bottles in my surgery. For they ARE nonsense--to tell +the honest truth, one half of them are nonsense--compared with such +a constitution as his!' ('Jobling is the most friendly creature I +ever met with in my life,' thinks the patient; 'and upon my word and +honour, I'll consider of it!') + +'Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this +morning, eh?' said Crimple, looking, when they had finished lunch, +over some papers brought in by the porter. 'Well done!' + +'Jobling, my dear friend,' said Tigg, 'long life to you.' + +'No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I've no right to draw the +commission,' said the doctor, 'I haven't really. It's picking your +pocket. I don't recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. +My patients ask me what I know, and I tell 'em what I know. Nothing +else. Caution is my weak side, that's the truth; and always was +from a boy. That is,' said the doctor, filling his glass, 'caution +in behalf of other people. Whether I would repose confidence in +this company myself, if I had not been paying money elsewhere for +many years--that's quite another question.' + +He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling +that he did it but indifferently, changed the theme and praised the +wine. + +'Talking of wine,' said the doctor, 'reminds me of one of the finest +glasses of light old port I ever drank in my life; and that was at a +funeral. You have not seen anything of--of THAT party, Mr Montague, +have you?' handing him a card. + +'He is not buried, I hope?' said Tigg, as he took it. 'The honour +of his company is not requested if he is.' + +'Ha, ha!' laughed the doctor. 'No; not quite. He was honourably +connected with that very occasion though.' + +'Oh!' said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon +the name. 'I recollect. No. He has not been here.' + +The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a +card to the Medical Officer. + +'Talk of the what's his name--' observed the doctor rising. + +'And he's sure to appear, eh?' said Tigg. + +'Why, no, Mr Montague, no,' returned the doctor. 'We will not say +that in the present case, for this gentleman is very far from it.' + +'So much the better,' retorted Tigg. 'So much the more adaptable to +the Anglo-Bengalee. Bullamy, clear the table and take the things +out by the other door. Mr Crimple, business.' + +'Shall I introduce him?' asked Jobling. + +'I shall be eternally delighted,' answered Tigg, kissing his hand +and smiling sweetly. + +The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately +returned with Jonas Chuzzlewit. + +'Mr Montague,' said Jobling. 'Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. +My dear friend--our chairman. Now do you know,' he added checking +himself with infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; +'that's a very singular instance of the force of example. It really +is a very remarkable instance of the force of example. I say OUR +chairman. Why do I say our chairman? Because he is not MY +chairman, you know. I have no connection with the company, farther +than giving them, for a certain fee and reward, my poor opinion as a +medical man, precisely as I may give it any day to Jack Noakes or +Tom Styles. Then why do I say our chairman? Simply because I hear +the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the involuntary +operation of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man. Mr +Crimple, I believe you never take snuff? Injudicious. You should.' + +Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened +and sonorous pinch with which he followed them up, Jonas took a seat +at the board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the +reader's knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is +especially in the nature of a mean mind, to be overawed by fine +clothes and fine furniture. They had a very decided influence on +Jonas. + +'Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,' said the +doctor, 'and your time is precious. So is mine; for several lives +are waiting for me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to +make after--after I have taken 'em. Having had the happiness to +introduce you to each other, I may go about my business. Good-bye. +But allow me, Mr Montague, before I go, to say this of my friend who +sits beside you: That gentleman has done more, sir,' rapping his +snuff-box solemnly, 'to reconcile me to human nature, than any man +alive or dead. Good-bye!' + +With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and +proceeded in his own official department, to impress the lives in +waiting with a sense of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge +of his duty, and the great difficulty of getting into the Anglo- +Bengalee; by feeling their pulses, looking at their tongues, +listening at their ribs, poking them in the chest, and so forth; +though, if he didn't well know beforehand that whatever kind of +lives they were, the Anglo-Bengalee would accept them readily, he +was far from being the Jobling that his friend considered him; and +was not the original Jobling, but a spurious imitation. + +Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas +Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone. + +'I learn from our friend,' said Tigg, drawing his chair towards +Jonas with a winning ease of manner, 'that you have been thinking--' + +'Oh! Ecod then he'd no right to say so,' cried Jonas, interrupting. +'I didn't tell HIM my thoughts. If he took it into his head that I +was coming here for such or such a purpose, why, that's his +lookout. I don't stand committed by that.' + +Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual +distrust of his character, it was in his nature to seek to revenge +himself on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact +proportion as he had been unable to withstand their influence. + +'If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two +to consider of, I don't bind myself to anything. Let's understand +that, you know,' said Jonas. + +'My dear fellow!' cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, 'I +applaud your frankness. If men like you and I speak openly at +first, all possible misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I +disguise what you know so well, but what the crowd never dream of? +We companies are all birds of prey; mere birds of prey. The only +question is, whether in serving our own turn, we can serve yours +too; whether in double-lining our own nest, we can put a single +living into yours. Oh, you're in our secret. You're behind the +scenes. We'll make a merit of dealing plainly with you, when we +know we can't help it.' + +It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these +pages, that there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a +simplicity of innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith +in knavery, he was the most credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had +preferred any claim to high and honourable dealing, Jonas would have +suspected him though he had been a very model of probity; but when +he gave utterance to Jonas's own thoughts of everything and +everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a pleasant fellow, and +one to be talked to freely. + +He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but +for a more boastful attitude; and smiling in his miserable conceit +rejoined: + +'You an't a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to +set about it, I WILL say.' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white +teeth; 'we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit; we are grown men, I +hope.' + +Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out +his legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to show how perfectly at home +he was, + +'The truth is--' + +'Don't say, the truth,' interposed Tigg, with another grin. 'It's +so like humbug.' + +Greatly charmed by this, Jonas began again. + +'The long and the short of it is--' + +'Better,' muttered Tigg. 'Much better!' + +'--That I didn't consider myself very well used by one or two of the +old companies in some negotiations I have had with 'em--once had, I +mean. They started objections they had no right to start, and put +questions they had no right to put, and carried things much too high +for my taste.' + +As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked +curiously at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked curiously at him. + +He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in +his pleasantest manner: + +'Take a glass of wine.' + +'No, no,' returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; 'none of +that, thankee. No wine over business. All very well for you, but +it wouldn't do for me.' + +'What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!' said Tigg, leaning back in +his chair, and leering at him through his half-shut eyes. + +Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, 'You're right there;' +And then resumed, jocosely: + +'Not such an old hand, either, but that I've been and got married. +That's rather green, you'll say. Perhaps it is, especially as she's +young. But one never knows what may happen to these women, so I'm +thinking of insuring her life. It is but fair, you know, that a man +should secure some consolation in case of meeting with such a loss.' + +'If anything can console him under such heart-breaking +circumstances,' murmured Tigg, with his eyes shut up as before. + +'Exactly,' returned Jonas; 'if anything can. Now, supposing I did +it here, I should do it cheap, I know, and easy, without bothering +her about it; which I'd much rather not do, for it's just in a +woman's way to take it into her head, if you talk to her about +such things, that she's going to die directly.' + +'So it is,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand in honour of the sex. +'You're quite right. Sweet, silly, fluttering little simpletons!' + +'Well,' said Jonas, 'on that account, you know, and because offence +has been given me in other quarters, I wouldn't mind patronizing +this Company. But I want to know what sort of security there is for +the Company's going on. That's the--' + +'Not the truth?' cried Tigg, holding up his jewelled hand. 'Don't +use that Sunday School expression, please!' + +'The long and the short of it,' said Jonas. 'The long and the short +of it is, what's the security?' + +'The paid-up capital, my dear sir,' said Tigg, referring to some +papers on the table, 'is, at this present moment--' + +'Oh! I understand all about paid-up capitals, you know,' said Jonas. + +'You do?' cried Tigg, stopping short. + +'I should hope so.' + +He turned the papers down again, and moving nearer to him, said in +his ear: + +'I know you do. I know you do. Look at me!' + +It was not much in Jonas's way to look straight at anybody; but thus +requested, he made shift to take a tolerable survey of the +chairman's features. The chairman fell back a little, to give him +the better opportunity. + +'You know me?' he inquired, elevating his eyebrows. 'You recollect? +You've seen me before?' + +'Why, I thought I remembered your face when I first came in,' said +Jonas, gazing at it; 'but I couldn't call to mind where I had seen +it. No. I don't remember, even now. Was it in the street?' + +'Was it in Pecksniff's parlour?' said Tigg + +'In Pecksniff's parlour!' echoed Jonas, fetching a long breath. +'You don't mean when--' + +'Yes,' cried Tigg, 'when there was a very charming and delightful +little family party, at which yourself and your respected father +assisted.' + +'Well, never mind HIM,' said Jonas. 'He's dead, and there's no help +for it.' + +'Dead, is he!' cried Tigg, 'Venerable old gentleman, is he dead! +You're very like him.' + +Jonas received this compliment with anything but a good grace, +perhaps because of his own private sentiments in reference to the +personal appearance of his deceased parent; perhaps because he was +not best pleased to find that Montague and Tigg were one. That +gentleman perceived it, and tapping him familiarly on the sleeve, +beckoned him to the window. From this moment, Mr Montague's +jocularity and flow of spirits were remarkable. + +'Do you find me at all changed since that time?' he asked. 'Speak +plainly.' + +Jonas looked hard at his waistcoat and jewels; and said 'Rather, +ecod!' + +'Was I at all seedy in those days?' asked Montague. + +'Precious seedy,' said Jonas. + +Mr Montague pointed down into the street, where Bailey and the cab +were in attendance. + +'Neat; perhaps dashing. Do you know whose it is?' + +'No.' + +'Mine. Do you like this room?' + +'It must have cost a lot of money,' said Jonas. + +'You're right. Mine too. Why don't you'--he whispered this, and +nudged him in the side with his elbow--'why don't you take premiums, +instead of paying 'em? That's what a man like you should do. Join +us!' + +Jonas stared at him in amazement. + +'Is that a crowded street?' asked Montague, calling his attention to +the multitude without. + +'Very,' said Jonas, only glancing at it, and immediately afterwards +looking at him again. + +'There are printed calculations,' said his companion, 'which will +tell you pretty nearly how many people will pass up and down that +thoroughfare in the course of a day. I can tell you how many of 'em +will come in here, merely because they find this office here; +knowing no more about it than they do of the Pyramids. Ha, ha! +Join us. You shall come in cheap.' + +Jonas looked at him harder and harder. + +'I can tell you,' said Tigg in his ear, 'how many of 'em will buy +annuities, effect insurances, bring us their money in a hundred +shapes and ways, force it upon us, trust us as if we were the Mint; +yet know no more about us than you do of that crossing-sweeper at +the corner. Not so much. Ha, ha!' + +Jonas gradually broke into a smile. + +'Yah!' said Montague, giving him a pleasant thrust in the breast; +'you're too deep for us, you dog, or I wouldn't have told you. Dine +with me to-morrow, in Pall Mall!' + +'I will' said Jonas. + +'Done!' cried Montague. 'Wait a bit. Take these papers with you +and look 'em over. See,' he said, snatching some printed forms from +the table. 'B is a little tradesman, clerk, parson, artist, author, +any common thing you like.' + +'Yes,' said Jonas, looking greedily over his shoulder. 'Well!' + +'B wants a loan. Say fifty or a hundred pound; perhaps more; no +matter. B proposes self and two securities. B is accepted. Two +securities give a bond. B assures his own life for double the +amount, and brings two friends' lives also--just to patronize the +office. Ha ha, ha! Is that a good notion?' + +'Ecod, that's a capital notion!' cried Jonas. 'But does he really +do it?' + +'Do it!' repeated the chairman. 'B's hard up, my good fellow, and +will do anything. Don't you see? It's my idea.' + +'It does you honour. I'm blest if it don't,' said Jonas. + +'I think it does,' replied the chairman, 'and I'm proud to hear you +say so. B pays the highest lawful interest--' + +'That an't much,' interrupted Jonas. + +'Right! quite right!' retorted Tigg. 'And hard it is upon the part +of the law that it should be so confoundedly down upon us +unfortunate victims; when it takes such amazing good interest for +itself from all its clients. But charity begins at home, and +justice begins next door. Well! The law being hard upon us, we're +not exactly soft upon B; for besides charging B the regular +interest, we get B's premium, and B's friends' premiums, and we +charge B for the bond, and, whether we accept him or not, we charge +B for "inquiries" (we keep a man, at a pound a week, to make 'em), +and we charge B a trifle for the secretary; and in short, my good +fellow, we stick it into B, up hill and down dale, and make a +devilish comfortable little property out of him. Ha, ha, ha! I +drive B, in point of fact,' said Tigg, pointing to the cabriolet, +'and a thoroughbred horse he is. Ha, ha, ha!' + +Jonas enjoyed this joke very much indeed. It was quite in his +peculiar vein of humour. + +'Then,' said Tigg Montague, 'we grant annuities on the very lowest +and most advantageous terms known in the money market; and the old +ladies and gentlemen down in the country buy 'em. Ha, ha, ha! And +we pay 'em too--perhaps. Ha, ha, ha!' + +'But there's responsibility in that,' said Jonas, looking doubtful. + +'I take it all myself,' said Tigg Montague. 'Here I am responsible +for everything. The only responsible person in the establishment! +Ha, ha, ha! Then there are the Life Assurances without loans; the +common policies. Very profitable, very comfortable. Money down, +you know; repeated every year; capital fun!' + +'But when they begin to fall in,' observed Jonas. 'It's all very +well, while the office is young, but when the policies begin to +die--that's what I am thinking of.' + +'At the first start, my dear fellow,' said Montague, 'to show you +how correct your judgment is, we had a couple of unlucky deaths that +brought us down to a grand piano.' + +'Brought you down where?' cried Jonas. + +'I give you my sacred word of honour,' said Tigg Montague, 'that I +raised money on every other individual piece of property, and was +left alone in the world with a grand piano. And it was an upright- +grand too, so that I couldn't even sit upon it. But, my dear +fellow, we got over it. We granted a great many new policies that +week (liberal allowance to solicitors, by the bye), and got over it +in no time. Whenever they should chance to fall in heavily, as you +very justly observe they may, one of these days; then--' he finished +the sentence in so low a whisper, that only one disconnected word +was audible, and that imperfectly. But it sounded like 'Bolt.' + +'Why, you're as bold as brass!' said Jonas, in the utmost +admiration. + +'A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when +he gets gold in exchange!' cried the chairman, with a laugh that +shook him from head to foot. 'You'll dine with me to-morrow?' + +'At what time?' asked Jonas. + +'Seven. Here's my card. Take the documents. I see you'll join +us!' + +'I don't know about that,' said Jonas. 'There's a good deal to be +looked into first.' + +'You shall look,' said Montague, slapping him on the back, 'into +anything and everything you please. But you'll join us, I am +convinced. You were made for it. Bullamy!' + +Obedient to the summons and the little bell, the waistcoat appeared. +Being charged to show Jonas out, it went before; and the voice +within it cried, as usual, 'By your leave there, by your leave! +Gentleman from the board-room, by your leave!' + +Mr Montague being left alone, pondered for some moments, and then +said, raising his voice: + +'Is Nadgett in the office there?' + +'Here he is, sir.' And he promptly entered; shutting the board-room +door after him, as carefully as if he were about to plot a murder. + +He was the man at a pound a week who made the inquiries. It was no +virtue or merit in Nadgett that he transacted all his Anglo-Bengalee +business secretly and in the closest confidence; for he was born to +be a secret. He was a short, dried-up, withered old man, who seemed +to have secreted his very blood; for nobody would have given him +credit for the possession of six ounces of it in his whole body. +How he lived was a secret; where he lived was a secret; and even +what he was, was a secret. In his musty old pocket-book he carried +contradictory cards, in some of which he called himself a coal- +merchant, in others a wine-merchant, in others a commission-agent, +in others a collector, in others an accountant; as if he really +didn't know the secret himself. He was always keeping appointments +in the City, and the other man never seemed to come. He would sit +on 'Change for hours, looking at everybody who walked in and out, +and would do the like at Garraway's, and in other business coffee- +rooms, in some of which he would be occasionally seen drying a very +damp pocket-handkerchief before the fire, and still looking over his +shoulder for the man who never appeared. He was mildewed, +threadbare, shabby; always had flue upon his legs and back; and kept +his linen so secretly buttoning up and wrapping over, that he might +have had none--perhaps he hadn't. He carried one stained beaver +glove, which he dangled before him by the forefinger as he walked or +sat; but even its fellow was a secret. Some people said he had been +a bankrupt, others that he had gone an infant into an ancient +Chancery suit which was still depending, but it was all a secret. +He carried bits of sealing-wax and a hieroglyphical old copper seal +in his pocket, and often secretly indited letters in corner boxes of +the trysting-places before mentioned; but they never appeared to go +to anybody, for he would put them into a secret place in his coat, +and deliver them to himself weeks afterwards, very much to his own +surprise, quite yellow. He was that sort of man that if he had died +worth a million of money, or had died worth twopence halfpenny, +everybody would have been perfectly satisfied, and would have said +it was just as they expected. And yet he belonged to a class; a +race peculiar to the City; who are secrets as profound to one +another, as they are to the rest of mankind. + +'Mr Nadgett,' said Montague, copying Jonas Chuzzlewit's address upon +a piece of paper, from the card which was still lying on the table, +'any information about this name, I shall be glad to have myself. +Don't you mind what it is. Any you can scrape together, bring me. +Bring it to me, Mr Nadgett.' + +Nadgett put on his spectacles, and read the name attentively; then +looked at the chairman over his glasses, and bowed; then took them +off, and put them in their case; and then put the case in his +pocket. When he had done so, he looked, without his spectacles, at +the paper as it lay before him, and at the same time produced his +pocket-book from somewhere about the middle of his spine. Large as +it was, it was very full of documents, but he found a place for this +one; and having clasped it carefully, passed it by a kind of solemn +legerdemain into the same region as before. + +He withdrew with another bow and without a word; opening the door no +wider than was sufficient for his passage out; and shutting it as +carefully as before. The chairman of the board employed the rest of +the morning in affixing his sign-manual of gracious acceptance to +various new proposals of annuity-purchase and assurance. The +Company was looking up, for they flowed in gayly. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT + +MR MONTAGUE AT HOME. AND MR JONAS CHUZZLEWIT AT HOME + + +There were many powerful reasons for Jonas Chuzzlewit being strongly +prepossessed in favour of the scheme which its great originator had +so boldly laid open to him; but three among them stood prominently +forward. Firstly, there was money to be made by it. Secondly, the +money had the peculiar charm of being sagaciously obtained at other +people's cost. Thirdly, it involved much outward show of homage and +distinction: a board being an awful institution in its own sphere, +and a director a mighty man. 'To make a swingeing profit, have a +lot of chaps to order about, and get into regular good society by +one and the same means, and them so easy to one's hand, ain't such a +bad look-out,' thought Jonas. The latter considerations were only +second to his avarice; for, conscious that there was nothing in his +person, conduct, character, or accomplishments, to command respect, +he was greedy of power, and was, in his heart, as much a tyrant as +any laureled conqueror on record. + +But he determined to proceed with cunning and caution, and to be +very keen on his observation of the gentility of Mr Montague's +private establishment. For it no more occurred to this shallow +knave that Montague wanted him to be so, or he wouldn't have invited +him while his decision was yet in abeyance, than the possibility of +that genius being able to overreach him in any way, pierced through +his self-deceit by the inlet of a needle's point. He had said, in +the outset, that Jonas was too sharp for him; and Jonas, who would +have been sharp enough to believe him in nothing else, though he had +solemnly sworn it, believed him in that, instantly. + +It was with a faltering hand, and yet with an imbecile attempt at +a swagger, that he knocked at his new friend's door in Pall Mall +when the appointed hour arrived. Mr Bailey quickly answered to +the summons. He was not proud and was kindly disposed to take +notice of Jonas; but Jonas had forgotten him. + +'Mr Montague at home?' + +'I should hope he wos at home, and waiting dinner, too,' said +Bailey, with the ease of an old acquaintance. 'Will you take your +hat up along with you, or leave it here?' + +Mr Jonas preferred leaving it there. + +'The hold name, I suppose?' said Bailey, with a grin. + +Mr Jonas stared at him in mute indignation. + +'What, don't you remember hold mother Todgers's?' said Mr Bailey, +with his favourite action of the knees and boots. 'Don't you +remember my taking your name up to the young ladies, when you came +a-courting there? A reg'lar scaly old shop, warn't it? Times is +changed ain't they. I say how you've growed!' + +Without pausing for any acknowledgement of this compliment, he +ushered the visitor upstairs, and having announced him, retired +with a private wink. + +The lower story of the house was occupied by a wealthy tradesman, +but Mr Montague had all the upper portion, and splendid lodging it +was. The room in which he received Jonas was a spacious and elegant +apartment, furnished with extreme magnificence; decorated with +pictures, copies from the antique in alabaster and marble, china +vases, lofty mirrors, crimson hangings of the richest silk, gilded +carvings, luxurious couches, glistening cabinets inlaid with +precious woods; costly toys of every sort in negligent abundance. +The only guests besides Jonas were the doctor, the resident +Director, and two other gentlemen, whom Montague presented in due +form. + +'My dear friend, I am delighted to see you. Jobling you know, I +believe?' + +'I think so,' said the doctor pleasantly, as he stepped out of the +circle to shake hands. 'I trust I have the honour. I hope so. My +dear sir, I see you well. Quite well? THAT'S well!' + +'Mr Wolf,' said Montague, as soon as the doctor would allow him to +introduce the two others, 'Mr Chuzzlewit. Mr Pip, Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +Both gentlemen were exceedingly happy to have the honour of making +Mr Chuzzlewit's acquaintance. The doctor drew Jonas a little apart, +and whispered behind his hand: + +'Men of the world, my dear sir--men of the world. Hem! Mr Wolf +--literary character--you needn't mention it--remarkably clever +weekly paper--oh, remarkably clever! Mr Pip--theatrical man-- +capital man to know--oh, capital man!' + +'Well!' said Wolf, folding his arms and resuming a conversation +which the arrival of Jonas had interrupted. 'And what did Lord +Nobley say to that?' + +'Why,' returned Pip, with an oath. 'He didn't know what to say. +Same, sir, if he wasn't as mute as a poker. But you know what a +good fellow Nobley is!' + +'The best fellow in the world!' cried Wolf. 'It as only last week +that Nobley said to me, "By Gad, Wolf, I've got a living to bestow, +and if you had but been brought up at the University, strike me +blind if I wouldn't have made a parson of you!"' + +'Just like him,' said Pip with another oath. 'And he'd have done +it!' + +'Not a doubt of it,' said Wolf. 'But you were going to tell us--' + +'Oh, yes!' cried Pip. 'To be sure. So I was. At first he was +dumb--sewn up, dead, sir--but after a minute he said to the Duke, +"Here's Pip. Ask Pip. Pip's our mutual friend. Ask Pip. He +knows." "Damme!" said the Duke, "I appeal to Pip then. Come, Pip. +Bandy or not bandy? Speak out!" "Bandy, your Grace, by the Lord +Harry!" said I. "Ha, ha!" laughed the Duke. "To be sure she is. +Bravo, Pip. Well said Pip. I wish I may die if you're not a trump, +Pip. Pop me down among your fashionable visitors whenever I'm in +town, Pip." And so I do, to this day.' + +The conclusion of this story gave immense satisfaction, which was in +no degree lessened by the announcement of dinner. Jonas repaired to +the dining room, along with his distinguished host, and took his +seat at the board between that individual and his friend the doctor. +The rest fell into their places like men who were well accustomed to +the house; and dinner was done full justice to, by all parties. + +It was a good a one as money (or credit, no matter which) could +produce. The dishes, wines, and fruits were of the choicest kind. +Everything was elegantly served. The plate was gorgeous. Mr Jonas +was in the midst of a calculation of the value of this item alone, +when his host disturbed him. + +'A glass of wine?' + +'Oh!' said Jonas, who had had several glasses already. 'As much of +that as you like! It's too good to refuse.' + +'Well said, Mr Chuzzlewit!' cried Wolf. + +'Tom Gag, upon my soul!' said Pip. + +'Positively, you know, that's--ha, ha, ha!' observed the doctor, +laying down his knife and fork for one instant, and then going to work +again, pell-mell--'that's epigrammatic; quite!' + +'You're tolerably comfortable, I hope?' said Tigg, apart to Jonas. + +'Oh! You needn't trouble your head about ME,' he replied, 'Famous!' + +'I thought it best not to have a party,' said Tigg. 'You feel +that?' + +'Why, what do you call this?' retorted Jonas. 'You don't mean to +say you do this every day, do you?' + +'My dear fellow,' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders, 'every day +of my life, when I dine at home. This is my common style. It was +of no use having anything uncommon for you. You'd have seen through +it. "You'll have a party?" said Crimple. "No, I won't," I said. +"he shall take us in the rough!" + +'And pretty smooth, too, ecod!' said Jonas, glancing round the +table. 'This don't cost a trifle.' + +'Why, to be candid with you, it does not,' returned the other. 'But +I like this sort of thing. It's the way I spend my money.' + +Jonas thrust his tongue into his cheek, and said, 'Was it?' + +'When you join us, you won't get rid of your share of the profits in +the same way?' said Tigg. + +'Quite different,' retorted Jonas. + +'Well, and you're right,' said Tigg, with friendly candour. 'You +needn't. It's not necessary. One of a Company must do it to hold the +connection together; but, as I take a pleasure in it, that's my +department. You don't mind dining expensively at another man's +expense, I hope?' + +'Not a bit,' said Jonas. + +'Then I hope you'll often dine with me?' + +'Ah!' said Jonas, 'I don't mind. On the contrary.' + +'And I'll never attempt to talk business to you over wine, I take my +oath,' said Tigg. 'Oh deep, deep, deep of you this morning! I must +tell 'em that. They're the very men to enjoy it. Pip, my good +fellow, I've a splendid little trait to tell you of my friend +Chuzzlewit who is the deepest dog I know; I give you my sacred word +of honour he is the deepest dog I know, Pip!' + +Pip swore a frightful oath that he was sure of it already; and the +anecdote, being told, was received with loud applause, as an +incontestable proof of Mr Jonas's greatness. Pip, in a natural +spirit of emulation, then related some instances of his own depth; +and Wolf not to be left behind-hand, recited the leading points of +one or two vastly humorous articles he was then preparing. These +lucubrations being of what he called 'a warm complexion,' were +highly approved; and all the company agreed that they were full of +point. + +'Men of the world, my dear sir,' Jobling whispered to Jonas; +'thorough men of the world! To a professional person like myself +it's quite refreshing to come into this kind of society. It's not +only agreeable--and nothing CAN be more agreeable--but it's +philosophically improving. It's character, my dear sir; character!' + +It is so pleasant to find real merit appreciated, whatever its +particular walk in life may be, that the general harmony of the +company was doubtless much promoted by their knowing that the two +men of the world were held in great esteem by the upper classes of +society, and by the gallant defenders of their country in the army +and navy, but particularly the former. The least of their stories +had a colonel in it; lords were as plentiful as oaths; and even the +Blood Royal ran in the muddy channel of their personal recollections. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit didn't know him, I'm afraid,' said Wolf, in reference +to a certain personage of illustrious descent, who had previously +figured in a reminiscence. + +'No,' said Tigg. 'But we must bring him into contact with this sort +of fellows.' + +'He was very fond of literature,' observed Wolf. + +'Was he?' said Tigg. + +'Oh, yes; he took my paper regularly for many years. Do you know he +said some good things now and then? He asked a certain Viscount, +who's a friend of mine--Pip knows him--"What's the editor's name, +what's the editor's name?" "Wolf." "Wolf, eh? Sharp biter, Wolf. +We must keep the Wolf from the door, as the proverb says. It was +very well. And being complimentary, I printed it.' + +'But the Viscount's the boy!' cried Pip, who invented a new oath for +the introduction of everything he said. 'The Viscount's the boy! He +came into our place one night to take Her home; rather slued, but +not much; and said, "Where's Pip? I want to see Pip. Produce +Pip!"--"What's the row, my lord?"--"Shakspeare's an infernal humbug, +Pip! What's the good of Shakspeare, Pip? I never read him. What +the devil is it all about, Pip? There's a lot of feet in +Shakspeare's verse, but there an't any legs worth mentioning in +Shakspeare's plays, are there, Pip? Juliet, Desdemona, Lady +Macbeth, and all the rest of 'em, whatever their names are, might as +well have no legs at all, for anything the audience know about it, +Pip. Why, in that respect they're all Miss Biffins to the audience, +Pip. I'll tell you what it is. What the people call dramatic +poetry is a collection of sermons. Do I go to the theatre to be +lectured? No, Pip. If I wanted that, I'd go to church. What's the +legitimate object of the drama, Pip? Human nature. What are legs? +Human nature. Then let us have plenty of leg pieces, Pip, and I'll +stand by you, my buck!" and I am proud to say,' added Pip, 'that he +DID stand by me, handsomely.' + +The conversation now becoming general, Mr Jonas's opinion was +requested on this subject; and as it was in full accordance with the +sentiments of Mr Pip, that gentleman was extremely gratified. +Indeed, both himself and Wolf had so much in common with Jonas, that +they became very amicable; and between their increasing friendship +and the fumes of wine, Jonas grew talkative. + +It does not follow in the case of such a person that the more +talkative he becomes, the more agreeable he is; on the contrary, his +merits show to most advantage, perhaps, in silence. Having no +means, as he thought, of putting himself on an equality with the +rest, but by the assertion of that depth and sharpness on which he +had been complimented, Jonas exhibited that faculty to the utmost; +and was so deep and sharp that he lost himself in his own +profundity, and cut his fingers with his own edge-tools. + +It was especially in his way and character to exhibit his quality at +his entertainer's expense; and while he drank of his sparkling +wines, and partook of his monstrous profusion, to ridicule the +extravagance which had set such costly fare before him. Even at +such a wanton board, and in such more than doubtful company, this +might have proved a disagreeable experiment, but that Tigg and +Crimple, studying to understand their man thoroughly, gave him what +license he chose: knowing that the more he took, the better for +their purpose. And thus while the blundering cheat--gull that he +was, for all his cunning--thought himself rolled up hedgehog +fashion, with his sharpest points towards them, he was, in fact, +betraying all his vulnerable parts to their unwinking watchfulness. + +Whether the two gentlemen who contributed so much to the doctor's +philosophical knowledge (by the way, the doctor slipped off quietly, +after swallowing his usual amount of wine) had had their cue +distinctly from the host, or took it from what they saw and heard, +they acted their parts very well. They solicited the honour of +Jonas's better acquaintance; trusted that they would have the +pleasure of introducing him into that elevated society in which he +was so well qualified to shine; and informed him, in the most +friendly manner that the advantages of their respective +establishments were entirely at his control. In a word, they said +'Be one of us!' And Jonas said he was infinitely obliged to them, +and he would be; adding within himself, that so long as they 'stood +treat,' there was nothing he would like better. + +After coffee, which was served in the drawing-room, there was a +short interval (mainly sustained by Pip and Wolf) of conversation; +rather highly spiced and strongly seasoned. When it flagged, Jonas +took it up and showed considerable humour in appraising the +furniture; inquiring whether such an article was paid for; what it +had originally cost, and the like. In all of this, he was, as he +considered, desperately hard on Montague, and very demonstrative of +his own brilliant parts. + +Some Champagne Punch gave a new though temporary fillip to the +entertainments of the evening. For after leading to some noisy +proceedings, which were not intelligible, it ended in the unsteady +departure of the two gentlemen of the world, and the slumber of Mr +Jonas upon one of the sofas. + +As he could not be made to understand where he was, Mr Bailey +received orders to call a hackney-coach, and take him home; which +that young gentleman roused himself from an uneasy sleep in the +hall to do. It being now almost three o'clock in the morning. + +'Is he hooked, do you think?' whispered Crimple, as himself and +partner stood in a distant part of the room observing him as he lay. + +'Aye!' said Tigg, in the same tone. 'With a strong iron, perhaps. +Has Nadgett been here to-night?' + +'Yes. I went out to him. Hearing you had company, he went away.' + +'Why did he do that?' + +'He said he would come back early in the morning, before you were +out of bed.' + +'Tell them to be sure and send him up to my bedside. Hush! Here's +the boy! Now Mr Bailey, take this gentleman home, and see him safely +in. Hallo, here! Why Chuzzlewit, halloa!' + +They got him upright with some difficulty, and assisted him +downstairs, where they put his hat upon his head, and tumbled him +into the coach. Mr Bailey, having shut him in, mounted the box +beside the coachman, and smoked his cigar with an air of particular +satisfaction; the undertaking in which he was engaged having a free +and sporting character about it, which was quite congenial to his +taste. + +Arriving in due time at the house in the City, Mr Bailey jumped +down, and expressed the lively nature of his feelings in a knock the +like of which had probably not been heard in that quarter since the +great fire of London. Going out into the road to observe the effect +of this feat, he saw that a dim light, previously visible at an +upper window, had been already removed and was travelling +downstairs. To obtain a foreknowledge of the bearer of this +taper, Mr Bailey skipped back to the door again, and put his eye +to the keyhole. + +It was the merry one herself. But sadly, strangely altered! So +careworn and dejected, so faltering and full of fear; so fallen, +humbled, broken; that to have seen her quiet in her coffin would +have been a less surprise. + +She set the light upon a bracket in the hall, and laid her hand upon +her heart; upon her eyes; upon her burning head. Then she came on +towards the door with such a wild and hurried step that Mr Bailey +lost his self-possession, and still had his eye where the keyhole +had been, when she opened it. + +'Aha!' said Mr Bailey, with an effort. 'There you are, are you? +What's the matter? Ain't you well, though?' + +In the midst of her astonishment as she recognized him in his +altered dress, so much of her old smile came back to her face that +Bailey was glad. But next moment he was sorry again, for he saw +tears standing in her poor dim eyes. + +'Don't be frightened,' said Bailey. 'There ain't nothing the matter. +I've brought home Mr Chuzzlewit. He ain't ill. He's only a little +swipey, you know.' Mr Bailey reeled in his boots, to express +intoxication. + +'Have you come from Mrs Todgers's?' asked Merry, trembling. + +'Todgers's, bless you! No!' cried Mr Bailey. 'I haven't got nothin, +to do with Todgers's. I cut that connection long ago. He's been a- +dining with my governor at the west-end. Didn't you know he was a- +coming to see us?' + +'No,' she said, faintly. + +'Oh yes! We're heavy swells too, and so I tell you. Don't you come +out, a-catching cold in your head. I'll wake him!' Mr Bailey +expressing in his demeanour a perfect confidence that he could carry +him in with ease, if necessary, opened the coach door, let down the +steps, and giving Jonas a shake, cried 'We've got home, my flower! +Tumble up, then!' + +He was so far recovered as to be able to respond to this appeal, and +to come stumbling out of the coach in a heap, to the great hazard of +Mr Bailey's person. When he got upon the pavement, Mr Bailey first +butted at him in front, and then dexterously propped him up behind; +and having steadied him by these means, he assisted him into the +house. + +'You go up first with the light,' said Bailey to Mr Jonas, 'and +we'll foller. Don't tremble so. He won't hurt you. When I've had +a drop too much, I'm full of good natur myself.' + +She went on before; and her husband and Bailey, by dint of tumbling +over each other, and knocking themselves about, got at last into the +sitting-room above stairs, where Jonas staggered into a seat. + +'There!' said Mr Bailey. 'He's all right now. You ain't got +nothing to cry for, bless you! He's righter than a trivet!' + +The ill-favoured brute, with dress awry, and sodden face, and +rumpled hair, sat blinking and drooping, and rolling his idiotic +eyes about, until, becoming conscious by degrees, he recognized his +wife, and shook his fist at her. + +'Ah!' cried Mr Bailey, squaring his arms with a sudden emotion. +'What, you're wicious, are you? Would you though! You'd better +not!' + +'Pray, go away!' said Merry. 'Bailey, my good boy, go home. +Jonas!' she said; timidly laying her hand upon his shoulder, and +bending her head down over him. 'Jonas!' + +'Look at her!' cried Jonas, pushing her off with his extended arm. +'Look here! Look at her! Here's a bargain for a man!' + +'Dear Jonas!' + +'Dear Devil!' he replied, with a fierce gesture. 'You're a pretty +clog to be tied to a man for life, you mewling, white-faced cat! +Get out of my sight!' + +'I know you don't mean it, Jonas. You wouldn't say it if you were +sober.' + +With affected gayety she gave Bailey a piece of money, and again +implored him to be gone. Her entreaty was so earnest, that the boy +had not the heart to stay there. But he stopped at the bottom of +the stairs, and listened. + +'I wouldn't say it if I was sober!' retorted Jonas. 'You know +better. Have I never said it when I was sober?' + +'Often, indeed!' she answered through her tears. + +'Hark ye!' cried Jonas, stamping his foot upon the ground. 'You +made me bear your pretty humours once, and ecod I'll make you bear +mine now. I always promised myself I would. I married you that I +might. I'll know who's master, and who's slave!' + +'Heaven knows I am obedient!' said the sobbing girl. 'Much more so +than I ever thought to be!' + +Jonas laughed in his drunken exultation. 'What! you're finding it +out, are you! Patience, and you will in time! Griffins have claws, +my girl. There's not a pretty slight you ever put upon me, nor a +pretty trick you ever played me, nor a pretty insolence you ever +showed me, that I won't pay back a hundred-fold. What else did I +marry you for? YOU, too!' he said, with coarse contempt. + +It might have softened him--indeed it might--to hear her turn a +little fragment of a song he used to say he liked; trying, with +a heart so full, to win him back. + +'Oho!' he said, 'you're deaf, are you? You don't hear me, eh? So +much the better for you. I hate you. I hate myself, for having, +been fool enough to strap a pack upon my back for the pleasure of +treading on it whenever I choose. Why, things have opened to me, +now, so that I might marry almost where I liked. But I wouldn't; +I'd keep single. I ought to be single, among the friends I know. +Instead of that, here I am, tied like a log to you. Pah! Why do +you show your pale face when I come home? Am I never to forget you?' + +'How late it is!' she said cheerfully, opening the shutter after an +interval of silence. 'Broad day, Jonas!' + +'Broad day or black night, what do I care!' was the kind rejoinder. + +'The night passed quickly, too. I don't mind sitting up, at all.' + +'Sit up for me again, if you dare!' growled Jonas. + +'I was reading,' she proceeded, 'all night long. I began when you +went out, and read till you came home again. The strangest story, +Jonas! And true, the book says. I'll tell it you to-morrow.' + +'True, was it?' said Jonas, doggedly. + +'So the book says.' + +'Was there anything in it, about a man's being determined to conquer +his wife, break her spirit, bend her temper, crush all her humours +like so many nut-shells--kill her, for aught I know?' said Jonas. + +'No. Not a word,' she answered quickly. + +'Oh!' he returned. 'That'll be a true story though, before long; +for all the book says nothing about it. It's a lying book, I see. +A fit book for a lying reader. But you're deaf. I forgot that.' + +There was another interval of silence; and the boy was stealing +away, when he heard her footstep on the floor, and stopped. She +went up to him, as it seemed, and spoke lovingly; saying that she +would defer to him in everything and would consult his wishes and +obey them, and they might be very happy if he would be gentle with +her. He answered with an imprecation, and-- + +Not with a blow? Yes. Stern truth against the base-souled villain; +with a blow. + +No angry cries; no loud reproaches. Even her weeping and her sobs +were stifled by her clinging round him. She only said, repeating +it in agony of heart, how could he, could he, could he--and lost +utterance in tears. + +Oh woman, God beloved in old Jerusalem! The best among us need +deal lightly with thy faults, if only for the punishment thy nature +will endure, in bearing heavy evidence against us, on the Day of +Judgment! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE + +IN WHICH SOME PEOPLE ARE PRECOCIOUS, OTHERS PROFESSIONAL, AND OTHERS +MYSTERIOUS; ALL IN THEIR SEVERAL WAYS + + +It may have been the restless remembrance of what he had seen and +heard overnight, or it may have been no deeper mental operation than +the discovery that he had nothing to do, which caused Mr Bailey, on +the following afternoon, to feel particularly disposed for agreeable +society, and prompted him to pay a visit to his friend Poll +Sweedlepipe. + +On the little bell giving clamorous notice of a visitor's approach +(for Mr Bailey came in at the door with a lunge, to get as much +sound out of the bell as possible), Poll Sweedlepipe desisted from +the contemplation of a favourite owl, and gave his young friend +hearty welcome. + +'Why, you look smarter by day,' said Poll, 'than you do by candle- +light. I never see such a tight young dasher.' + +'Reether so, Polly. How's our fair friend, Sairah?' + +'Oh, she's pretty well,' said Poll. 'She's at home.' + +'There's the remains of a fine woman about Sairah, Poll,' observed +Mr Bailey, with genteel indifference. + +'Oh!' thought Poll, 'he's old. He must be very old!' + +'Too much crumb, you know,' said Mr Bailey; 'too fat, Poll. But +there's many worse at her time of life' + +'The very owl's a-opening his eyes!' thought Poll. 'I don't wonder +at it in a bird of his opinions.' + +He happened to have been sharpening his razors, which were lying +open in a row, while a huge strop dangled from the wall. Glancing +at these preparations, Mr Bailey stroked his chin, and a thought +appeared to occur to him. + +'Poll,' he said, 'I ain't as neat as I could wish about the gills. +Being here, I may as well have a shave, and get trimmed close.' + +The barber stood aghast; but Mr Bailey divested himself of his neck- +cloth, and sat down in the easy shaving chair with all the dignity +and confidence in life. There was no resisting his manner. The +evidence of sight and touch became as nothing. His chin was as +smooth as a new-laid egg or a scraped Dutch cheese; but Poll +Sweedlepipe wouldn't have ventured to deny, on affidavit, that he +had the beard of a Jewish rabbi. + +'Go WITH the grain, Poll, all round, please,' said Mr Bailey, +screwing up his face for the reception of the lather. 'You may do +wot you like with the bits of whisker. I don't care for 'em.' + +The meek little barber stood gazing at him with the brush and soap- +dish in his hand, stirring them round and round in a ludicrous +uncertainty, as if he were disabled by some fascination from +beginning. At last he made a dash at Mr Bailey's cheek. Then he +stopped again, as if the ghost of a beard had suddenly receded from +his touch; but receiving mild encouragement from Mr Bailey, in the +form of an adjuration to 'Go in and win,' he lathered him +bountifully. Mr Bailey smiled through the suds in his satisfaction. +'Gently over the stones, Poll. Go a tip-toe over the pimples!' + +Poll Sweedlepipe obeyed, and scraped the lather off again with +particular care. Mr Bailey squinted at every successive dab, as it +was deposited on a cloth on his left shoulder, and seemed, with a +microscopic eye, to detect some bristles in it; for he murmured more +than once 'Reether redder than I could wish, Poll.' The operation +being concluded, Poll fell back and stared at him again, while Mr +Bailey, wiping his face on the jack-towel, remarked, 'that arter +late hours nothing freshened up a man so much as a easy shave.' + +He was in the act of tying his cravat at the glass, without his +coat, and Poll had wiped his razor, ready for the next customer, +when Mrs Gamp, coming downstairs, looked in at the shop-door to +give the barber neighbourly good day. Feeling for her unfortunate +situation, in having conceived a regard for himself which it was not +in the nature of things that he could return, Mr Bailey hastened to +soothe her with words of kindness. + +'Hallo!' he said, 'Sairah! I needn't ask you how you've been this +long time, for you're in full bloom. All a-blowin and a-growin; +ain't she, Polly?' + +'Why, drat the Bragian boldness of that boy!' cried Mrs Gamp, though +not displeased. 'What a imperent young sparrow it is! I wouldn't be +that creetur's mother not for fifty pound!' + +Mr Bailey regarded this as a delicate confession of her attachment, +and a hint that no pecuniary gain could recompense her for its being +rendered hopeless. He felt flattered. Disinterested affection is +always flattering. + +'Ah, dear!' moaned Mrs Gamp, sinking into the shaving chair, 'that +there blessed Bull, Mr Sweedlepipe, has done his wery best to conker +me. Of all the trying inwalieges in this walley of the shadder, +that one beats 'em black and blue.' + +It was the practice of Mrs Gamp and her friends in the profession, +to say this of all the easy customers; as having at once the effect +of discouraging competitors for office, and accounting for the +necessity of high living on the part of the nurses. + +'Talk of constitooshun!' Mrs Gamp observed. 'A person's +constitooshun need be made of bricks to stand it. Mrs Harris jestly +says to me, but t'other day, "Oh! Sairey Gamp," she says, "how is it +done?" "Mrs Harris, ma'am," I says to her, "we gives no trust +ourselves, and puts a deal o'trust elsevere; these is our religious +feelins, and we finds 'em answer." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, "sech +is life. Vich likeways is the hend of all things!"' + +The barber gave a soft murmur, as much as to say that Mrs Harris's +remark, though perhaps not quite so intelligible as could be desired +from such an authority, did equal honour to her head and to her +heart. + +'And here,' continued Mrs Gamp, 'and here am I a-goin twenty mile in +distant, on as wentersome a chance as ever any one as monthlied ever +run, I do believe. Says Mrs Harris, with a woman's and a mother's +art a-beatin in her human breast, she says to me, "You're not a- +goin, Sairey, Lord forgive you!" "Why am I not a-goin, Mrs Harris?" +I replies. "Mrs Gill," I says, "wos never wrong with six; and is it +likely, ma'am--I ast you as a mother--that she will begin to be +unreg'lar now? Often and often have I heerd him say," I says to Mrs +Harris, meaning Mr Gill, "that he would back his wife agen Moore's +almanack, to name the very day and hour, for ninepence farden. IS +it likely, ma'am," I says, "as she will fail this once?" Says Mrs +Harris "No, ma'am, not in the course of natur. But," she says, the +tears a-fillin in her eyes, "you knows much betterer than me, with +your experienge, how little puts us out. A Punch's show," she says, +"a chimbley sweep, a newfundlan dog, or a drunkin man a-comin round +the corner sharp may do it." So it may, Mr Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs +Gamp, 'there's no deniging of it; and though my books is clear for a +full week, I takes a anxious art along with me, I do assure you, +sir.' + +'You're so full of zeal, you see!' said Poll. 'You worrit yourself +so.' + +'Worrit myself!' cried Mrs Gamp, raising her hands and turning up +her eyes. 'You speak truth in that, sir, if you never speaks no +more 'twixt this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the +sufferins of other people more than I feels my own, though no one +mayn't suppoge it. The families I've had,' said Mrs Gamp, 'if all +was knowd and credit done where credit's doo, would take a week to +chris'en at Saint Polge's fontin!' + +'Where's the patient goin?' asked Sweedlepipe. + +'Into Har'fordshire, which is his native air. But native airs nor +native graces neither,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'won't bring HIM round.' + +'So bad as that?' inquired the wistful barber. 'Indeed!' + +Mrs Gamp shook her head mysteriously, and pursed up her lips. +'There's fevers of the mind,' she said, 'as well as body. You may +take your slime drafts till you files into the air with +efferwescence; but you won't cure that.' + +'Ah!' said the barber, opening his eyes, and putting on his raven +aspect; 'Lor!' + +'No. You may make yourself as light as any gash balloon,' said Mrs +Gamp. 'But talk, when you're wrong in your head and when you're in +your sleep, of certain things; and you'll be heavy in your mind.' + +'Of what kind of things now?' inquired Poll, greedily biting his +nails in his great interest. 'Ghosts?' + +Mrs Gamp, who perhaps had been already tempted further than she had +intended to go, by the barber's stimulating curiosity, gave a sniff +of uncommon significance, and said, it didn't signify. + +'I'm a-goin down with my patient in the coach this arternoon,' she +proceeded. 'I'm a-goin to stop with him a day or so, till he gets a +country nuss (drat them country nusses, much the orkard hussies +knows about their bis'ness); and then I'm a-comin back; and that's +my trouble, Mr Sweedlepipes. But I hope that everythink'll only go +on right and comfortable as long as I'm away; perwisin which, as Mrs +Harris says, Mrs Gill is welcome to choose her own time; all times +of the day and night bein' equally the same to me.' + +During the progress of the foregoing remarks, which Mrs Gamp had +addressed exclusively to the barber, Mr Bailey had been tying his +cravat, getting on his coat, and making hideous faces at himself in +the glass. Being now personally addressed by Mrs Gamp, he turned +round, and mingled in the conversation. + +'You ain't been in the City, I suppose, sir, since we was all three +there together,' said Mrs Gamp, 'at Mr Chuzzlewit's?' + +'Yes, I have, Sairah. I was there last night.' + +'Last night!' cried the barber. + +'Yes, Poll, reether so. You can call it this morning, if you like +to be particular. He dined with us.' + +'Who does that young Limb mean by "hus?"' said Mrs Gamp, with most +impatient emphasis. + +'Me and my Governor, Sairah. He dined at our house. We wos very +merry, Sairah. So much so, that I was obliged to see him home in a +hackney coach at three o'clock in the morning.' It was on the tip of +the boy's tongue to relate what had followed; but remembering how +easily it might be carried to his master's ears, and the repeated +cautions he had had from Mr Crimple 'not to chatter,' he checked +himself; adding, only, 'She was sitting up, expecting him.' + +'And all things considered,' said Mrs Gamp sharply, 'she might have +know'd better than to go a-tirin herself out, by doin' anythink of +the sort. Did they seem pretty pleasant together, sir?' + +'Oh, yes,' answered Bailey, 'pleasant enough.' + +'I'm glad on it,' said Mrs Gamp, with a second sniff of significance. + +'They haven't been married so long,' observed Poll, rubbing his +hands, 'that they need be anything but pleasant yet awhile.' + +'No,' said Mrs Gamp, with a third significant signal. + +'Especially,' pursued the barber, 'when the gentleman bears such a +character as you gave him.' + +'I speak; as I find, Mr Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp. 'Forbid it +should be otherways! But we never knows wot's hidden in each other's +hearts; and if we had glass winders there, we'd need keep the +shetters up, some on us, I do assure you!' + +'But you don't mean to say--' Poll Sweedlepipe began. + +'No,' said Mrs Gamp, cutting him very short, 'I don't. Don't think +I do. The torters of the Imposition shouldn't make me own I did. +All I says is,' added the good woman, rising and folding her shawl +about her, 'that the Bull's a-waitin, and the precious moments is +a-flyin' fast.' + +The little barber having in his eager curiosity a great desire to +see Mrs Gamp's patient, proposed to Mr Bailey that they should +accompany her to the Bull, and witness the departure of the coach. +That young gentleman assenting, they all went out together. + +Arriving at the tavern, Mrs Gamp (who was full-dressed for the +journey, in her latest suit of mourning) left her friends to +entertain themselves in the yard, while she ascended to the sick +room, where her fellow-labourer Mrs Prig was dressing the invalid. + +He was so wasted, that it seemed as if his bones would rattle when +they moved him. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes unnaturally +large. He lay back in the easy-chair like one more dead than +living; and rolled his languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp +appeared, as painfully as if their weight alone were burdensome to +move. + +'And how are we by this time?' Mrs Gamp observed. 'We looks +charming.' + +'We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,' returned Mrs Prig, a +little chafed in her temper. 'We got out of bed back'ards, I think, +for we're as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He +wouldn't have been washed, if he'd had his own way.' + +'She put the soap in my mouth,' said the unfortunate patient feebly. + +'Couldn't you keep it shut then?' retorted Mrs Prig. 'Who do you +think's to wash one feater, and miss another, and wear one's eyes +out with all manner of fine work of that description, for half-a- +crown a day! If you wants to be tittivated, you must pay accordin'.' + +'Oh dear me!' cried the patient, 'oh dear, dear!' + +'There!' said Mrs Prig, 'that's the way he's been a-conductin of +himself, Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed, if you'll believe +it.' + +'Instead of being grateful,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'for all our little +ways. Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!' + +Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his +unhappy head with a hair-brush. + +'I suppose you don't like that, neither!' she observed, stopping to +look at him. + +It was just possible that he didn't for the brush was a specimen of +the hardest kind of instrument producible by modern art; and his +very eyelids were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to +observe the correctness of her supposition, and said triumphantly +'she know'd as much.' + +When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig +and Mrs Gamp put on his neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with +great nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those +organs, and afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His +waistcoat and coat were next arranged; and as every button was +wrenched into a wrong button-hole, and the order of his boots was +reversed, he presented on the whole rather a melancholy appearance. + +'I don't think it's right,' said the poor weak invalid. 'I feel as +if I was in somebody else's clothes. I'm all on one side; and +you've made one of my legs shorter than the other. There's a bottle +in my pocket too. What do you make me sit upon a bottle for?' + +'Deuce take the man!' cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. 'If he +ain't been and got my night-bottle here. I made a little cupboard +of his coat when it hung behind the door, and quite forgot it, +Betsey. You'll find a ingun or two, and a little tea and sugar in +his t'other pocket, my dear, if you'll just be good enough to take +'em out.' + +Betsey produced the property in question, together with some other +articles of general chandlery; and Mrs Gamp transferred them to her +own pocket, which was a species of nankeen pannier. Refreshment +then arrived in the form of chops and strong ale for the ladies, and +a basin of beef-tea for the patient; which refection was barely at +an end when John Westlock appeared. + +'Up and dressed!' cried John, sitting down beside him. 'That's +brave. How do you feel?' + +'Much better. But very weak.' + +'No wonder. You have had a hard bout of it. But country air, and +change of scene,' said John, 'will make another man of you! Why, Mrs +Gamp,' he added, laughing, as he kindly arranged the sick man's +garments, 'you have odd notions of a gentleman's dress!' + +'Mr Lewsome an't a easy gent to get into his clothes, sir,' Mrs Gamp +replied with dignity; 'as me and Betsey Prig can certify afore the +Lord Mayor and Uncommon Counsellors, if needful!' + +John at that moment was standing close in front of the sick man, in +the act of releasing him from the torture of the collars before +mentioned, when he said in a whisper: + +'Mr Westlock! I don't wish to be overheard. I have something very +particular and strange to say to you; something that has been a +dreadful weight on my mind, through this long illness.' + +Quick in all his motions, John was turning round to desire the women +to leave the room; when the sick man held him by the sleeve. + +'Not now. I've not the strength. I've not the courage. May I tell +it when I have? May I write it, if I find that easier and better?' + +'May you!' cried John. 'Why, Lewsome, what is this!' + +'Don't ask me what it is. It's unnatural and cruel. Frightful to +think of. Frightful to tell. Frightful to know. Frightful to have +helped in. Let me kiss your hand for all your goodness to me. Be +kinder still, and don't ask me what it is!' + +At first, John gazed at him in great surprise; but remembering how +very much reduced he was, and how recently his brain had been on +fire with fever, believed that he was labouring under some imaginary +horror or despondent fancy. For farther information on this point, +he took an opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside, while Betsey Prig +was wrapping him in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was +quite collected in his mind. + +'Oh bless you, no!' said Mrs Gamp. 'He hates his nusses to this +hour. They always does it, sir. It's a certain sign. If you could +have heerd the poor dear soul a-findin fault with me and Betsey +Prig, not half an hour ago, you would have wondered how it is we +don't get fretted to the tomb.' + +This almost confirmed John in his suspicion; so, not taking what had +passed into any serious account, he resumed his former cheerful +manner, and assisted by Mrs Gamp and Betsey Prig, conducted Lewsome +downstairs to the coach; just then upon the point of starting. +Poll Sweedlepipe was at the door with his arms tight folded and his +eyes wide open, and looked on with absorbing interest, while the +sick man was slowly moved into the vehicle. His bony hands and +haggard face impressed Poll wonderfully; and he informed Mr Bailey +in confidence, that he wouldn't have missed seeing him for a pound. +Mr Bailey, who was of a different constitution, remarked that he +would have stayed away for five shillings. + +It was a troublesome matter to adjust Mrs Gamp's luggage to her +satisfaction; for every package belonging to that lady had the +inconvenient property of requiring to be put in a boot by itself, +and to have no other luggage near it, on pain of actions at law for +heavy damages against the proprietors of the coach. The umbrella +with the circular patch was particularly hard to be got rid of, and +several times thrust out its battered brass nozzle from improper +crevices and chinks, to the great terror of the other passengers. +Indeed, in her intense anxiety to find a haven of refuge for this +chattel, Mrs Gamp so often moved it, in the course of five minutes, +that it seemed not one umbrella but fifty. At length it was lost, +or said to be; and for the next five minutes she was face to face +with the coachman, go wherever he might, protesting that it should +be 'made good,' though she took the question to the House of +Commons. + +At last, her bundle, and her pattens, and her basket, and +everything else, being disposed of, she took a friendly leave of +Poll and Mr Bailey, dropped a curtsey to John Westlock, and parted +as from a cherished member of the sisterhood with Betsey Prig. + +'Wishin you lots of sickness, my darlin creetur,' Mrs Gamp observed, +'and good places. It won't be long, I hope, afore we works +together, off and on, again, Betsey; and may our next meetin' be at +a large family's, where they all takes it reg'lar, one from another, +turn and turn about, and has it business-like.' + +'I don't care how soon it is,' said Mrs Prig; 'nor how many weeks it +lasts.' + +Mrs Gamp with a reply in a congenial spirit was backing to the +coach, when she came in contact with a lady and gentleman who were +passing along the footway. + +'Take care, take care here!' cried the gentleman. 'Halloo! +My dear! Why, it's Mrs Gamp!' + +'What, Mr Mould!' exclaimed the nurse. 'And Mrs Mould! who would +have thought as we should ever have a meetin' here, I'm sure!' + +'Going out of town, Mrs Gamp?' cried Mould. 'That's unusual, isn't +it?' + +'It IS unusual, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But only for a day or two at +most. The gent,' she whispered, 'as I spoke about.' + +'What, in the coach!' cried Mould. 'The one you thought of +recommending? Very odd. My dear, this will interest you. The +gentleman that Mrs Gamp thought likely to suit us is in the coach, +my love.' + +Mrs Mould was greatly interested. + +'Here, my dear. You can stand upon the door-step,' said Mould, 'and +take a look at him. Ha! There he is. Where's my glass? Oh! all +right. I've got it. Do you see him, my dear?' + +'Quite plain,' said Mrs Mould. + +'Upon my life, you know, this is a very singular circumstance,' said +Mould, quite delighted. 'This is the sort of thing, my dear, I +wouldn't have missed on any account. It tickles one. It's +interesting. It's almost a little play, you know. Ah! There +he is! To be sure. Looks poorly, Mrs M., don't he?' + +Mrs Mould assented. + +'He's coming our way, perhaps, after all,' said Mould. 'Who knows! +I feel as if I ought to show him some little attention, really. He +don't seem a stranger to me. I'm very much inclined to move my hat, +my dear.' + +'He's looking hard this way,' said Mrs Mould. + +'Then I will!' cried Mould. 'How d'ye do, sir! I wish you good day. +Ha! He bows too. Very gentlemanly. Mrs Gamp has the cards in her +pocket, I have no doubt. This is very singular, my dear--and very +pleasant. I am not superstitious, but it really seems as if one was +destined to pay him those little melancholy civilities which belong +to our peculiar line of business. There can be no kind of objection +to your kissing your hand to him, my dear.' + +Mrs Mould did so. + +'Ha!' said Mould. 'He's evidently gratified. Poor fellow! I am +quite glad you did it, my love. Bye bye, Mrs Gamp!' waving his +hand. 'There he goes; there he goes!' + +So he did; for the coach rolled off as the words were spoken. Mr +and Mrs Mould, in high good humour, went their merry way. Mr Bailey +retired with Poll Sweedlepipe as soon as possible; but some little +time elapsed before he could remove his friend from the ground, +owing to the impression wrought upon the barber's nerves by Mrs +Prig, whom he pronounced, in admiration of her beard, to be a woman +of transcendent charms. + +When the light cloud of bustle hanging round the coach was thus +dispersed, Nadgett was seen in the darkest box of the Bull coffee- +room, looking wistfully up at the clock--as if the man who never +appeared were a little behind his time. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY + +PROVES THAT CHANGES MAY BE RUNG IN THE BEST-REGULATED FAMILIES, AND +THAT MR PECKNIFF WAS A SPECIAL HAND AT A TRIPLE-BOB-MAJOR + + +As the surgeon's first care after amputating a limb, is to take up +the arteries the cruel knife has severed, so it is the duty of this +history, which in its remorseless course has cut from the +Pecksniffian trunk its right arm, Mercy, to look to the parent stem, +and see how in all its various ramifications it got on without her. + +And first of Mr Pecksniff it may be observed, that having provided +for his youngest daughter that choicest of blessings, a tender and +indulgent husband; and having gratified the dearest wish of his +parental heart by establishing her in life so happily; he renewed +his youth, and spreading the plumage of his own bright conscience, +felt himself equal to all kinds of flights. It is customary with +fathers in stage-plays, after giving their daughters to the men of +their hearts, to congratulate themselves on having no other business +on their hands but to die immediately; though it is rarely found +that they are in a hurry to do it. Mr Pecksniff, being a father of +a more sage and practical class, appeared to think that his +immediate business was to live; and having deprived himself of one +comfort, to surround himself with others. + +But however much inclined the good man was to be jocose and playful, +and in the garden of his fancy to disport himself (if one may say +so) like an architectural kitten, he had one impediment constantly +opposed to him. The gentle Cherry, stung by a sense of slight and +injury, which far from softening down or wearing out, rankled and +festered in her heart--the gentle Cherry was in flat rebellion. +She waged fierce war against her dear papa, she led her parent +what is usually called, for want of a better figure of speech, +the life of a dog. But never did that dog live, in kennel, +stable-yard, or house, whose life was half as hard as Mr Pecksniff's +with his gentle child. + +The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had +retired, and they were alone. Mr Pecksniff frowned at first; but +having cleared his brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose +was very red indeed, and screwed up tight, with hostile preparation. + +'Cherry,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'what is amiss between us? My child, +why are we disunited?' + +Miss Pecksniff's answer was scarcely a response to this gush of +affection, for it was simply, 'Bother, Pa!' + +'Bother!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of anguish. + +'Oh! 'tis too late, Pa,' said his daughter, calmly 'to talk to me +like this. I know what it means, and what its value is.' + +'This is hard!' cried Mr Pecksniff, addressing his breakfast-cup. +'This is very hard! She is my child. I carried her in my arms when +she wore shapeless worsted shoes--I might say, mufflers--many years +ago!' + +'You needn't taunt me with that, Pa,' retorted Cherry, with a +spiteful look. 'I am not so many years older than my sister, +either, though she IS married to your friend!' + +'Ah, human nature, human nature! Poor human nature!' said Mr +Pecksniff, shaking his head at human nature, as if he didn't belong +to it. 'To think that this discord should arise from such a cause! +oh dear, oh dear!' + +'From such a cause indeed!' cried Cherry. 'State the real cause, +Pa, or I'll state it myself. Mind! I will!' + +Perhaps the energy with which she said this was infectious. However +that may be, Mr Pecksniff changed his tone and the expression of his +face for one of anger, if not downright violence, when he said: + +'You will! you have. You did yesterday. You do always. You have +no decency; you make no secret of your temper; you have exposed +yourself to Mr Chuzzlewit a hundred times.' + +'Myself!' cried Cherry, with a bitter smile. 'Oh indeed! I don't +mind that.' + +'Me, too, then,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +His daughter answered with a scornful laugh. + +'And since we have come to an explanation, Charity,' said Mr +Pecksniff, rolling his head portentously, 'let me tell you that I +won't allow it. None of your nonsense, Miss! I won't permit it to +be done.' + +'I shall do,' said Charity, rocking her chair backwards and +forwards, and raising her voice to a high pitch, 'I shall do, Pa, +what I please and what I have done. I am not going to be crushed in +everything, depend upon it. I've been more shamefully used than +anybody ever was in this world,' here she began to cry and sob, 'and +may expect the worse treatment from you, I know. But I don't care +for that. No, I don't!' + +Mr Pecksniff was made so desperate by the loud tone in which she +spoke, that, after looking about him in frantic uncertainty for some +means of softening it, he rose and shook her until the ornamental +bow of hair upon her head nodded like a plume. She was so very much +astonished by this assault, that it really had the desired effect. + +'I'll do it again!' cried Mr Pecksniff, as he resumed his seat and +fetched his breath, 'if you dare to talk in that loud manner. How +do you mean about being shamefully used? If Mr Jonas chose your +sister in preference to you, who could help it, I should wish to +know? What have I to do with it?' + +'Wasn't I made a convenience of? Weren't my feelings trifled with? +Didn't he address himself to me first?' sobbed Cherry, clasping her +hands; 'and oh, good gracious, that I should live to be shook!' + +'You'll live to be shaken again,' returned her parent, 'if you drive +me to that means of maintaining the decorum of this humble roof. +You surprise me. I wonder you have not more spirit. If Mr Jonas +didn't care for you, how could you wish to have him?' + +'I wish to have him!' exclaimed Cherry. 'I wish to have him, Pa!' + +'Then what are you making all this piece of work for,' retorted her +father, 'if you didn't wish to have him?' + +'Because I was treated with duplicity,' said Cherry; 'and because my +own sister and my own father conspired against me. I am not angry +with HER,' said Cherry; looking much more angry than ever. 'I pity +her. I'm sorry for her. I know the fate that's in store for her, +with that Wretch.' + +'Mr Jonas will survive your calling him a wretch, my child, I dare +say,' said Mr Pecksniff, with returning resignation; 'but call him +what you like and make an end of it.' + +'Not an end, Pa,' said Charity. 'No, not an end. That's not the +only point on which we're not agreed. I won't submit to it. It's +better you should know that at once. No; I won't submit to it +indeed, Pa! I am not quite a fool, and I am not blind. All I have +got to say is, I won't submit to it.' + +Whatever she meant, she shook Mr Pecksniff now; for his lame attempt +to seem composed was melancholy in the last degree. His anger +changed to meekness, and his words were mild and fawning. + +'My dear,' he said; 'if in the short excitement of an angry moment I +resorted to an unjustifiable means of suppressing a little outbreak +calculated to injure you as well as myself--it's possible I may have +done so; perhaps I did--I ask your pardon. A father asking pardon +of his child,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is, I believe, a spectacle to +soften the most rugged nature.' + +But it didn't at all soften Miss Pecksniff; perhaps because her +nature was not rugged enough. On the contrary, she persisted in +saying, over and over again, that she wasn't quite a fool, and +wasn't blind, and wouldn't submit to it. + +'You labour under some mistake, my child!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'but +I will not ask you what it is; I don't desire to know. No, pray!' +he added, holding out his hand and colouring again, 'let us avoid +the subject, my dear, whatever it is!' + +'It's quite right that the subject should be avoided between us, +sir,' said Cherry. 'But I wish to be able to avoid it altogether, +and consequently must beg you to provide me with a home.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked about the room, and said, 'A home, my child!' + +'Another home, papa,' said Cherry, with increasing stateliness +'Place me at Mrs Todgers's or somewhere, on an independent footing; +but I will not live here, if such is to be the case.' + +It is possible that Miss Pecksniff saw in Mrs Todgers's a vision of +enthusiastic men, pining to fall in adoration at her feet. It is +possible that Mr Pecksniff, in his new-born juvenility, saw, in the +suggestion of that same establishment, an easy means of relieving +himself from an irksome charge in the way of temper and +watchfulness. It is undoubtedly a fact that in the attentive ears +of Mr Pecksniff, the proposition did not sound quite like the dismal +knell of all his hopes. + +But he was a man of great feeling and acute sensibility; and he +squeezed his pocket-handkerchief against his eyes with both hands-- +as such men always do, especially when they are observed. 'One of +my birds,' Mr Pecksniff said, 'has left me for the stranger's +breast; the other would take wing to Todgers's! Well, well, what am +I? I don't know what I am, exactly. Never mind!' + +Even this remark, made more pathetic perhaps by his breaking down in +the middle of it, had no effect upon Charity. She was grim, rigid, +and inflexible. + +'But I have ever,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sacrificed my children's +happiness to my own--I mean my own happiness to my children's--and I +will not begin to regulate my life by other rules of conduct now. +If you can be happier at Mrs Todgers's than in your father's house, +my dear, go to Mrs Todgers's! Do not think of me, my girl!' said Mr +Pecksniff with emotion; 'I shall get on pretty well, no doubt.' + +Miss Charity, who knew he had a secret pleasure in the contemplation +of the proposed change, suppressed her own, and went on to negotiate +the terms. His views upon this subject were at first so very +limited that another difference, involving possibly another shaking, +threatened to ensue; but by degrees they came to something like an +understanding, and the storm blew over. Indeed, Miss Charity's idea +was so agreeable to both, that it would have been strange if they +had not come to an amicable agreement. It was soon arranged between +them that the project should be tried, and that immediately; and +that Cherry's not being well, and needing change of scene, and +wishing to be near her sister, should form the excuse for her +departure to Mr Chuzzlewit and Mary, to both of whom she had pleaded +indisposition for some time past. These premises agreed on, Mr +Pecksniff gave her his blessing, with all the dignity of a self- +denying man who had made a hard sacrifice, but comforted himself +with the reflection that virtue is its own reward. Thus they were +reconciled for the first time since that not easily forgiven night, +when Mr Jonas, repudiating the elder, had confessed his passion for +the younger sister, and Mr Pecksniff had abetted him on moral +grounds. + +But how happened it--in the name of an unexpected addition to that +small family, the Seven Wonders of the World, whatever and wherever +they may be, how happened it--that Mr Pecksniff and his daughter +were about to part? How happened it that their mutual relations +were so greatly altered? Why was Miss Pecksniff so clamorous to +have it understood that she was neither blind nor foolish, and she +wouldn't bear it? It is not possible that Mr Pecksniff had any +thoughts of marrying again; or that his daughter, with the sharp eye +of a single woman, fathomed his design! + +Let us inquire into this. + +Mr Pecksniff, as a man without reproach, from whom the breath of +slander passed like common breath from any other polished surface, +could afford to do what common men could not. He knew the purity of +his own motives; and when he had a motive worked at it as only a +very good man (or a very bad one) can. Did he set before himself +any strong and palpable motives for taking a second wife? Yes; and +not one or two of them, but a combination of very many. + +Old Martin Chuzzlewit had gradually undergone an important change. +Even upon the night when he made such an ill-timed arrival at Mr +Pecksniff's house, he was comparatively subdued and easy to deal +with. This Mr Pecksniff attributed, at the time, to the effect his +brother's death had had upon him. But from that hour his character +seemed to have modified by regular degrees, and to have softened +down into a dull indifference for almost every one but Mr Pecksniff. +His looks were much the same as ever, but his mind was singularly +altered. It was not that this or that passion stood out in brighter +or in dimmer hues; but that the colour of the whole man was faded. +As one trait disappeared, no other trait sprung up to take its +place. His senses dwindled too. He was less keen of sight; was +deaf sometimes; took little notice of what passed before him; and +would be profoundly taciturn for days together. The process of this +alteration was so easy that almost as soon as it began to be +observed it was complete. But Mr Pecksniff saw it first, and having +Anthony Chuzzlewit fresh in his recollection, saw in his brother +Martin the same process of decay. + +To a gentleman of Mr Pecksniff's tenderness, this was a very +mournful sight. He could not but foresee the probability of his +respected relative being made the victim of designing persons, and +of his riches falling into worthless hands. It gave him so much +pain that he resolved to secure the property to himself; to keep bad +testamentary suitors at a distance; to wall up the old gentleman, as +it were, for his own use. By little and little, therefore, he began +to try whether Mr Chuzzlewit gave any promise of becoming an +instrument in his hands, and finding that he did, and indeed that he +was very supple in his plastic fingers, he made it the business of +his life--kind soul!--to establish an ascendancy over him; and every +little test he durst apply meeting with a success beyond his hopes, +he began to think he heard old Martin's cash already chinking in his +own unworldly pockets. + +But when Mr Pecksniff pondered on this subject (as, in his zealous +way, he often did), and thought with an uplifted heart of the train +of circumstances which had delivered the old gentleman into his +hands for the confusion of evil-doers and the triumph of a righteous +nature, he always felt that Mary Graham was his stumbling-block. +Let the old man say what he would, Mr Pecksniff knew he had a strong +affection for her. He knew that he showed it in a thousand little +ways; that he liked to have her near him, and was never quite at +ease when she was absent long. That he had ever really sworn to +leave her nothing in his will, Mr Pecksniff greatly doubted. That +even if he had, there were many ways by which he could evade the +oath and satisfy his conscience, Mr Pecksniff knew. That her +unprotected state was no light burden on the old man's mind, he also +knew, for Mr Chuzzlewit had plainly told him so. 'Then,' said Mr +Pecksniff 'what if I married her! What,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, +sticking up his hair and glancing at his bust by Spoker; 'what if, +making sure of his approval first--he is nearly imbecile, poor +gentleman--I married her!' + +Mr Pecksniff had a lively sense of the Beautiful; especially in +women. His manner towards the sex was remarkable for its +insinuating character. It is recorded of him in another part of +these pages, that he embraced Mrs Todgers on the smallest +provocation; and it was a way he had; it was a part of the gentle +placidity of his disposition. Before any thought of matrimony was +in his mind, he had bestowed on Mary many little tokens of his +spiritual admiration. They had been indignantly received, but that +was nothing. True, as the idea expanded within him, these had +become too ardent to escape the piercing eye of Cherry, who read his +scheme at once; but he had always felt the power of Mary's charms. +So Interest and Inclination made a pair, and drew the curricle of Mr +Pecksniff's plan. + +As to any thought of revenging himself on young Martin for his +insolent expressions when they parted, and of shutting him out still +more effectually from any hope of reconciliation with his +grandfather, Mr Pecksniff was much too meek and forgiving to be +suspected of harbouring it. As to being refused by Mary, Mr +Pecksniff was quite satisfied that in her position she could never +hold out if he and Mr Chuzzlewit were both against her. As to +consulting the wishes of her heart in such a case, it formed no part +of Mr Pecksniff's moral code; for he knew what a good man he was, +and what a blessing he must be to anybody. His daughter having +broken the ice, and the murder being out between them, Mr Pecksniff +had now only to pursue his design as cleverly as he could, and by +the craftiest approaches. + +'Well, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, meeting old Martin in the +garden, for it was his habit to walk in and out by that way, as the +fancy took him; 'and how is my dear friend this delicious morning?' + +'Do you mean me?' asked the old man. + +'Ah!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'one of his deaf days, I see. Could I mean +any one else, my dear sir?' + +'You might have meant Mary,' said the old man. + +'Indeed I might. Quite true. I might speak of her as a dear, dear +friend, I hope?' observed Mr Pecksniff. + +'I hope so,' returned old Martin. 'I think she deserves it.' + +'Think!' cried Pecksniff, 'think, Mr Chuzzlewit!' + +'You are speaking, I know,' returned Martin, 'but I don't catch what +you say. Speak up!' + +'He's getting deafer than a flint,' said Pecksniff. 'I was saying, +my dear sir, that I am afraid I must make up my mind to part with +Cherry.' + +'What has SHE been doing?' asked the old man. + +'He puts the most ridiculous questions I ever heard!' muttered Mr +Pecksniff. 'He's a child to-day.' After which he added, in a mild +roar: 'She hasn't been doing anything, my dear friend.' + +'What are you going to part with her for?' demanded Martin. + +'She hasn't her health by any means,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'She +misses her sister, my dear sir; they doted on each other from the +cradle. And I think of giving her a run in London for a change. A +good long run, sir, if I find she likes it.' + +'Quite right,' cried Martin. 'It's judicious.' + +'I am glad to hear you say so. I hope you mean to bear me company +in this dull part, while she's away?' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I have no intention of removing from it,' was Martin's answer. + +'Then why,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking the old man's arm in his, and +walking slowly on; 'Why, my good sir, can't you come and stay with +me? I am sure I could surround you with more comforts--lowly as is +my Cot--than you can obtain at a village house of entertainment. +And pardon me, Mr Chuzzlewit, pardon me if I say that such a place +as the Dragon, however well-conducted (and, as far as I know, Mrs +Lupin is one of the worthiest creatures in this county), is hardly a +home for Miss Graham.' + +Martin mused a moment; and then said, as he shook him by the hand: + +'No. You're quite right; it is not.' + +'The very sight of skittles,' Mr Pecksniff eloquently pursued, 'is +far from being congenial to a delicate mind.' + +'It's an amusement of the vulgar,' said old Martin, 'certainly.' + +'Of the very vulgar,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'Then why not bring +Miss Graham here, sir? Here is the house. Here am I alone in it, +for Thomas Pinch I do not count as any one. Our lovely friend shall +occupy my daughter's chamber; you shall choose your own; we shall +not quarrel, I hope!' + +'We are not likely to do that,' said Martin. + +Mr Pecksniff pressed his hand. 'We understand each other, my dear +sir, I see!--I can wind him,' he thought, with exultation, 'round my +little finger.' + +'You leave the recompense to me?' said the old man, after a minute's +silence. + +'Oh! do not speak of recompense!' cried Pecksniff. + +'I say,' repeated Martin, with a glimmer of his old obstinacy, 'you +leave the recompense to me. Do you?' + +'Since you desire it, my good sir.' + +'I always desire it,' said the old man. 'You know I always desire +it. I wish to pay as I go, even when I buy of you. Not that I do +not leave a balance to be settled one day, Pecksniff.' + +The architect was too much overcome to speak. He tried to drop a +tear upon his patron's hand, but couldn't find one in his dry +distillery. + +'May that day be very distant!' was his pious exclamation. 'Ah, +sir! If I could say how deep an interest I have in you and yours! +I allude to our beautiful young friend.' + +'True,' he answered. 'True. She need have some one interested in +her. I did her wrong to train her as I did. Orphan though she was, +she would have found some one to protect her whom she might have +loved again. When she was a child, I pleased myself with the +thought that in gratifying my whim of placing her between me and +false-hearted knaves, I had done her a kindness. Now she is a +woman, I have no such comfort. She has no protector but herself. I +have put her at such odds with the world, that any dog may bark or +fawn upon her at his pleasure. Indeed she stands in need of +delicate consideration. Yes; indeed she does!' + +'If her position could be altered and defined, sir?' Mr Pecksniff +hinted. + +'How can that be done? Should I make a seamstress of her, or a +governess?' + +'Heaven forbid!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'My dear sir, there are other +ways. There are indeed. But I am much excited and embarrassed at +present, and would rather not pursue the subject. I scarcely know +what I mean. Permit me to resume it at another time.' + +'You are not unwell?' asked Martin anxiously. + +'No, no!' cried Pecksniff. 'No. Permit me to resume it at another +time. I'll walk a little. Bless you!' + +Old Martin blessed him in return, and squeezed his hand. As he +turned away, and slowly walked towards the house, Mr Pecksniff stood +gazing after him; being pretty well recovered from his late emotion, +which, in any other man, one might have thought had been assumed as +a machinery for feeling Martin's pulse. The change in the old man +found such a slight expression in his figure, that Mr Pecksniff, +looking after him, could not help saying to himself: + +'And I can wind him round my little finger! Only think!' + +Old Martin happening to turn his head, saluted him affectionately. +Mr Pecksniff returned the gesture. + +'Why, the time was,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and not long ago, when he +wouldn't look at me! How soothing is this change. Such is the +delicate texture of the human heart; so complicated is the process +of its being softened! Externally he looks the same, and I can wind +him round my little finger. Only think!' + +In sober truth, there did appear to be nothing on which Mr Pecksniff +might not have ventured with Martin Chuzzlewit; for whatever Mr +Pecksniff said or did was right, and whatever he advised was done. +Martin had escaped so many snares from needy fortune-hunters, and +had withered in the shell of his suspicion and distrust for so many +years, but to become the good man's tool and plaything. With the +happiness of this conviction painted on his face, the architect went +forth upon his morning walk. + +The summer weather in his bosom was reflected in the breast of +Nature. Through deep green vistas where the boughs arched overhead, +and showed the sunlight flashing in the beautiful perspective; +through dewy fern from which the startled hares leaped up, and fled +at his approach; by mantled pools, and fallen trees, and down in +hollow places, rustling among last year's leaves whose scent woke +memory of the past; the placid Pecksniff strolled. By meadow gates +and hedges fragrant with wild roses; and by thatched-roof cottages +whose inmates humbly bowed before him as a man both good and wise; +the worthy Pecksniff walked in tranquil meditation. The bee passed +onward, humming of the work he had to do; the idle gnats for ever +going round and round in one contracting and expanding ring, yet +always going on as fast as he, danced merrily before him; the colour +of the long grass came and went, as if the light clouds made it +timid as they floated through the distant air. The birds, so many +Pecksniff consciences, sang gayly upon every branch; and Mr +Pecksniff paid HIS homage to the day by ruminating on his projects +as he walked along. + +Chancing to trip, in his abstraction, over the spreading root of an +old tree, he raised his pious eyes to take a survey of the ground +before him. It startled him to see the embodied image of his +thoughts not far ahead. Mary herself. And alone. + +At first Mr Pecksniff stopped as if with the intention of avoiding +her; but his next impulse was to advance, which he did at a brisk +pace; caroling as he went so sweetly and with so much innocence +that he only wanted feathers and wings to be a bird. + +Hearing notes behind her, not belonging to the songsters of the +grove, she looked round. Mr Pecksniff kissed his hand, and was at +her side immediately. + +'Communing with nature?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'So am I.' + +She said the morning was so beautiful that she had walked further +than she intended, and would return. Mr Pecksniff said it was +exactly his case, and he would return with her. + +'Take my arm, sweet girl,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +Mary declined it, and walked so very fast that he remonstrated. +'You were loitering when I came upon you,' Mr Pecksniff said. 'Why +be so cruel as to hurry now? You would not shun me, would you?' + +'Yes, I would,' she answered, turning her glowing cheek indignantly +upon him, 'you know I would. Release me, Mr Pecksniff. Your touch +is disagreeable to me.' + +His touch! What? That chaste patriarchal touch which Mrs Todgers-- +surely a discreet lady--had endured, not only without complaint, but +with apparent satisfaction! This was positively wrong. Mr Pecksniff +was sorry to hear her say it. + +'If you have not observed,' said Mary, 'that it is so, pray take +assurance from my lips, and do not, as you are a gentleman, +continue to offend me.' + +'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'I feel that I might +consider this becoming in a daughter of my own, and why should I +object to it in one so beautiful! It's harsh. It cuts me to the +soul,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'but I cannot quarrel with you, Mary.' + +She tried to say she was sorry to hear it, but burst into tears. Mr +Pecksniff now repeated the Todgers performance on a comfortable +scale, as if he intended it to last some time; and in his disengaged +hand, catching hers, employed himself in separating the fingers with +his own, and sometimes kissing them, as he pursued the conversation +thus: + +'I am glad we met. I am very glad we met. I am able now to ease my +bosom of a heavy load, and speak to you in confidence. Mary,' said +Mr Pecksniff in his tenderest tones, indeed they were so very +tender that he almost squeaked: 'My soul! I love you!' + +A fantastic thing, that maiden affectation! She made believe to +shudder. + +'I love you,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'my gentle life, with a devotion +which is quite surprising, even to myself. I did suppose that the +sensation was buried in the silent tomb of a lady, only second to +you in qualities of the mind and form; but I find I am mistaken.' + +She tried to disengage her hand, but might as well have tried to +free herself from the embrace of an affectionate boa-constrictor; if +anything so wily may be brought into comparison with Pecksniff. + +'Although I am a widower,' said Mr Pecksniff, examining the rings +upon her fingers, and tracing the course of one delicate blue vein +with his fat thumb, 'a widower with two daughters, still I am not +encumbered, my love. One of them, as you know, is married. The +other, by her own desire, but with a view, I will confess--why not? +--to my altering my condition, is about to leave her father's house. +I have a character, I hope. People are pleased to speak well of me, +I think. My person and manner are not absolutely those of a +monster, I trust. Ah! naughty Hand!' said Mr Pecksniff, +apostrophizing the reluctant prize, 'why did you take me prisoner? +Go, go!' + +He slapped the hand to punish it; but relenting, folded it in his +waistcoat to comfort it again. + +'Blessed in each other, and in the society of our venerable friend, +my darling,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'we shall be happy. When he is +wafted to a haven of rest, we will console each other. My pretty +primrose, what do you say?' + +'It is possible,' Mary answered, in a hurried manner, 'that I ought +to feel grateful for this mark of your confidence. I cannot say +that I do, but I am willing to suppose you may deserve my thanks. +Take them; and pray leave me, Mr Pecksniff.' + +The good man smiled a greasy smile; and drew her closer to him. + +'Pray, pray release me, Mr Pecksniff. I cannot listen to your +proposal. I cannot receive it. There are many to whom it may be +acceptable, but it is not so to me. As an act of kindness and an +act of pity, leave me!' + +Mr Pecksniff walked on with his arm round her waist, and her hand in +his, as contentedly as if they had been all in all to each other, +and were joined in the bonds of truest love. + +'If you force me by your superior strength,' said Mary, who finding +that good words had not the least effect upon him, made no further +effort to suppress her indignation; 'if you force me by your +superior strength to accompany you back, and to be the subject of +your insolence upon the way, you cannot constrain the expression of +my thoughts. I hold you in the deepest abhorrence. I know your +real nature and despise it.' + +'No, no,' said Mr Pecksniff, sweetly. 'No, no, no!' + +'By what arts or unhappy chances you have gained your influence over +Mr Chuzzlewit, I do not know,' said Mary; 'it may be strong enough +to soften even this, but he shall know of this, trust me, sir.' + +Mr Pecksniff raised his heavy eyelids languidly, and let them fall +again. It was saying with perfect coolness, 'Aye, aye! Indeed!' + +'Is it not enough,' said Mary, 'that you warp and change his nature, +adapt his every prejudice to your bad ends, and harden a heart +naturally kind by shutting out the truth and allowing none but false +and distorted views to reach it; is it not enough that you have the +power of doing this, and that you exercise it, but must you also be +so coarse, so cruel, and so cowardly to me?' + +Still Mr Pecksniff led her calmly on, and looked as mild as any lamb +that ever pastured in the fields. + +'Will nothing move you, sir?' cried Mary. + +'My dear,' observed Mr Pecksniff, with a placid leer, 'a habit of +self-examination, and the practice of--shall I say of virtue?' + +'Of hypocrisy,' said Mary. + +'No, no,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, chafing the captive hand +reproachfully, 'of virtue--have enabled me to set such guards upon +myself, that it is really difficult to ruffle me. It is a curious +fact, but it is difficult, do you know, for any one to ruffle me. +And did she think,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a playful tightening of +his grasp 'that SHE could! How little did she know his heart!' + +Little, indeed! Her mind was so strangely constituted that she would +have preferred the caresses of a toad, an adder, or a serpent--nay, +the hug of a bear--to the endearments of Mr Pecksniff. + +'Come, come,' said that good gentleman, 'a word or two will set this +matter right, and establish a pleasant understanding between us. I +am not angry, my love.' + +'YOU angry!' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I am not. I say so. Neither are you.' + +There was a beating heart beneath his hand that told another story +though. + +'I am sure you are not,' said Mr Pecksniff: 'and I will tell you +why. There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my dear; and your carrying +your anger to one might have a serious effect--who knows!--upon the +other. You wouldn't wish to hurt him, would you?' + +She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain +that he turned his eyes away. No doubt lest he should be offended +with her in spite of his better self. + +'A passive quarrel, my love,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'may be changed +into an active one, remember. It would be sad to blight even a +disinherited young man in his already blighted prospects; but how +easy to do it. Ah, how easy! HAVE I influence with our venerable +friend, do you think? Well, perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.' + +He raised his eyes to hers; and nodded with an air of banter that +was charming. + +'No,' he continued, thoughtfully. 'Upon the whole, my sweet, if I +were you I'd keep my secret to myself. I am not at all sure--very +far from it--that it would surprise our friend in any way, for he +and I have had some conversation together only this morning, and he +is anxious, very anxious, to establish you in some more settled +manner. But whether he was surprised or not surprised, the +consequence of your imparting it might be the same. Martin junior +might suffer severely. I'd have compassion on Martin junior, do you +know?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a persuasive smile. 'Yes. He don't +deserve it, but I would.' + +She wept so bitterly now, and was so much distressed, that he +thought it prudent to unclasp her waist, and hold her only by the +hand. + +'As to our own share in the precious little mystery,' said Mr +Pecksniff, 'we will keep it to ourselves, and talk of it between +ourselves, and you shall think it over. You will consent, my love; +you will consent, I know. Whatever you may think; you will. I seem +to remember to have heard--I really don't know where, or how'--he +added, with bewitching frankness, 'that you and Martin junior, when +you were children, had a sort of childish fondness for each other. +When we are married, you shall have the satisfaction of thinking +that it didn't last to ruin him, but passed away to do him good; for +we'll see then what we can do to put some trifling help in Martin +junior's way. HAVE I any influence with our venerable friend? +Well! Perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.' + +The outlet from the wood in which these tender passages occurred, +was close to Mr Pecksniff's house. They were now so near it that he +stopped, and holding up her little finger, said in playful accents, +as a parting fancy: + +'Shall I bite it?' + +Receiving no reply he kissed it instead; and then stooping down, +inclined his flabby face to hers--he had a flabby face, although he +WAS a good man--and with a blessing, which from such a source was +quite enough to set her up in life, and prosper her from that time +forth permitted her to leave him. + +Gallantry in its true sense is supposed to ennoble and dignify a +man; and love has shed refinements on innumerable Cymons. But Mr +Pecksniff--perhaps because to one of his exalted nature these were +mere grossnesses--certainly did not appear to any unusual advantage, +now that he was left alone. On the contrary, he seemed to be shrunk +and reduced; to be trying to hide himself within himself; and to be +wretched at not having the power to do it. His shoes looked too +large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his +features looked too mean; his exposed throat looked as if a halter +would have done it good. For a minute or two, in fact, he was hot, +and pale, and mean, and shy, and slinking, and consequently not at +all Pecksniffian. But after that, he recovered himself, and went +home with as beneficent an air as if he had been the High Priest of +the summer weather. + +'I have arranged to go, Papa,' said Charity, 'to-morrow.' + +'So soon, my child!' + +'I can't go too soon,' said Charity, 'under the circumstances. I +have written to Mrs Todgers to propose an arrangement, and have +requested her to meet me at the coach, at all events. You'll be +quite your own master now, Mr Pinch!' + +Mr Pecksniff had just gone out of the room, and Tom had just come +into it. + +'My own master!' repeated Tom. + +'Yes, you'll have nobody to interfere with you,' said Charity. 'At +least I hope you won't. Hem! It's a changing world.' + +'What! are YOU going to be married, Miss Pecksniff?' asked Tom in +great surprise. + +'Not exactly,' faltered Cherry. 'I haven't made up my mind to be. +I believe I could be, if I chose, Mr Pinch.' + +'Of course you could!' said Tom. And he said it in perfect good +faith. He believed it from the bottom of his heart. + +'No,' said Cherry, 'I am not going to be married. Nobody is, that I +know of. Hem! But I am not going to live with Papa. I have my +reasons, but it's all a secret. I shall always feel very kindly +towards you, I assure you, for the boldness you showed that night. +As to you and me, Mr Pinch, WE part the best friends possible!' + +Tom thanked her for her confidence, and for her friendship, but +there was a mystery in the former which perfectly bewildered him. +In his extravagant devotion to the family, he had felt the loss of +Merry more than any one but those who knew that for all the slights +he underwent he thought his own demerits were to blame, could +possibly have understood. He had scarcely reconciled himself to +that when here was Charity about to leave them. She had grown up, +as it were, under Tom's eye. The sisters were a part of Pecksniff, +and a part of Tom; items in Pecksniff's goodness, and in Tom's +service. He couldn't bear it; not two hours' sleep had Tom that +night, through dwelling in his bed upon these dreadful changes. + +When morning dawned he thought he must have dreamed this piece of +ambiguity; but no, on going downstairs he found them packing trunks +and cording boxes, and making other preparations for Miss Charity's +departure, which lasted all day long. In good time for the evening +coach, Miss Charity deposited her housekeeping keys with much +ceremony upon the parlour table; took a gracious leave of all the +house; and quitted her paternal roof--a blessing for which the +Pecksniffian servant was observed by some profane persons to be +particularly active in the thanksgiving at church next Sunday. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE + +MR PINCH IS DISCHARGED OF A DUTY WHICH HE NEVER OWED TO ANYBODY, AND +MR PECKSNIFF DISCHARGES A DUTY WHICH HE OWES TO SOCIETY + + +The closing words of the last chapter lead naturally to the +commencement of this, its successor; for it has to do with a church. +With the church, so often mentioned heretofore, in which Tom Pinch +played the organ for nothing. + +One sultry afternoon, about a week after Miss Charity's departure +for London, Mr Pecksniff being out walking by himself, took it into +his head to stray into the churchyard. As he was lingering among +the tombstones, endeavouring to extract an available sentiment or +two from the epitaphs--for he never lost an opportunity of making up +a few moral crackers, to be let off as occasion served--Tom Pinch +began to practice. Tom could run down to the church and do so +whenever he had time to spare; for it was a simple little organ, +provided with wind by the action of the musician's feet; and he was +independent, even of a bellows-blower. Though if Tom had wanted one +at any time, there was not a man or boy in all the village, and away +to the turnpike (tollman included), but would have blown away for +him till he was black in the face. + +Mr Pecksniff had no objection to music; not the least. He was +tolerant of everything; he often said so. He considered it a +vagabond kind of trifling, in general, just suited to Tom's +capacity. But in regard to Tom's performance upon this same organ, +he was remarkably lenient, singularly amiable; for when Tom played +it on Sundays, Mr Pecksniff in his unbounded sympathy felt as if he +played it himself, and were a benefactor to the congregation. So +whenever it was impossible to devise any other means of taking the +value of Tom's wages out of him, Mr Pecksniff gave him leave to +cultivate this instrument. For which mark of his consideration Tom +was very grateful. + +The afternoon was remarkably warm, and Mr Pecksniff had been +strolling a long way. He had not what may be called a fine ear for +music, but he knew when it had a tranquilizing influence on his +soul; and that was the case now, for it sounded to him like a +melodious snore. He approached the church, and looking through the +diamond lattice of a window near the porch, saw Tom, with the +curtains in the loft drawn back, playing away with great expression +and tenderness. + +The church had an inviting air of coolness. The old oak roof +supported by cross-beams, the hoary walls, the marble tablets, and +the cracked stone pavement, were refreshing to look at. There were +leaves of ivy tapping gently at the opposite windows; and the sun +poured in through only one; leaving the body of the church in +tempting shade. But the most tempting spot of all, was one red- +curtained and soft-cushioned pew, wherein the official dignitaries +of the place (of whom Mr Pecksniff was the head and chief) enshrined +themselves on Sundays. Mr Pecksniff's seat was in the corner; a +remarkably comfortable corner; where his very large Prayer-Book was +at that minute making the most of its quarto self upon the desk. He +determined to go in and rest. + +He entered very softly; in part because it was a church; in part +because his tread was always soft; in part because Tom played a +solemn tune; in part because he thought he would surprise him when +he stopped. Unbolting the door of the high pew of state, he glided +in and shut it after him; then sitting in his usual place, and +stretching out his legs upon the hassocks, he composed himself to +listen to the music. + +It is an unaccountable circumstance that he should have felt drowsy +there, where the force of association might surely have been enough +to keep him wide awake; but he did. He had not been in the snug +little corner five minutes before he began to nod. He had not +recovered himself one minute before he began to nod again. In the +very act of opening his eyes indolently, he nodded again. In the +very act of shutting them, he nodded again. So he fell out of one +nod into another until at last he ceased to nod at all, and was as +fast as the church itself. + +He had a consciousness of the organ, long after he fell asleep, +though as to its being an organ he had no more idea of that than he +had of its being a bull. After a while he began to have at +intervals the same dreamy impressions of voices; and awakening to an +indolent curiosity upon the subject, opened his eyes. + +He was so indolent, that after glancing at the hassocks and the pew, +he was already half-way off to sleep again, when it occurred to him +that there really were voices in the church; low voices, talking +earnestly hard by; while the echoes seemed to mutter responses. He +roused himself, and listened. + +Before he had listened half a dozen seconds, he became as broad +awake as ever he had been in all his life. With eyes, and ears, and +mouth, wide open, he moved himself a very little with the utmost +caution, and gathering the curtain in his hand, peeped out. + +Tom Pinch and Mary. Of course. He had recognized their voices, and +already knew the topic they discussed. Looking like the small end +of a guillotined man, with his chin on a level with the top of the +pew, so that he might duck down immediately in case of either of +them turning round, he listened. Listened with such concentrated +eagerness, that his very hair and shirt-collar stood bristling up to +help him. + +'No,' cried Tom. 'No letters have ever reached me, except that one +from New York. But don't be uneasy on that account, for it's very +likely they have gone away to some far-off place, where the posts +are neither regular nor frequent. He said in that very letter that +it might be so, even in that city to which they thought of +travelling--Eden, you know.' + +'It is a great weight upon my mind,' said Mary. + +'Oh, but you mustn't let it be,' said Tom. 'There's a true saying +that nothing travels so fast as ill news; and if the slightest harm +had happened to Martin, you may be sure you would have heard of it +long ago. I have often wished to say this to you,' Tom continued +with an embarrassment that became him very well, 'but you have never +given me an opportunity.' + +'I have sometimes been almost afraid,' said Mary, 'that you might +suppose I hesitated to confide in you, Mr Pinch.' + +'No,' Tom stammered, 'I--I am not aware that I ever supposed that. +I am sure that if I have, I have checked the thought directly, as an +injustice to you. I feel the delicacy of your situation in having +to confide in me at all,' said Tom, 'but I would risk my life to +save you from one day's uneasiness; indeed I would!' + +Poor Tom! + +'I have dreaded sometimes,' Tom continued, 'that I might have +displeased you by--by having the boldness to try and anticipate your +wishes now and then. At other times I have fancied that your +kindness prompted you to keep aloof from me.' + +'Indeed!' + +'It was very foolish; very presumptuous and ridiculous, to think +so,' Tom pursued; 'but I feared you might suppose it possible that +I--I--should admire you too much for my own peace; and so denied +yourself the slight assistance you would otherwise have accepted +from me. If such an idea has ever presented itself to you,' +faltered Tom, 'pray dismiss it. I am easily made happy; and I shall +live contented here long after you and Martin have forgotten me. I +am a poor, shy, awkward creature; not at all a man of the world; and +you should think no more of me, bless you, than if I were an old +friar!' + +If friars bear such hearts as thine, Tom, let friars multiply; +though they have no such rule in all their stern arithmetic. + +'Dear Mr Pinch!' said Mary, giving him her hand; 'I cannot tell you +how your kindness moves me. I have never wronged you by the +lightest doubt, and have never for an instant ceased to feel that +you were all--much more than all--that Martin found you. Without +the silent care and friendship I have experienced from you, my life +here would have been unhappy. But you have been a good angel to me; +filling me with gratitude of heart, hope, and courage.' + +'I am as little like an angel, I am afraid,' replied Tom, shaking +his head, 'as any stone cherubim among the grave-stones; and I don't +think there are many real angels of THAT pattern. But I should like +to know (if you will tell me) why you have been so very silent about +Martin.' + +'Because I have been afraid,' said Mary, 'of injuring you.' + +'Of injuring me!' cried Tom. + +'Of doing you an injury with your employer.' + +The gentleman in question dived. + +'With Pecksniff!' rejoined Tom, with cheerful confidence. 'Oh dear, +he'd never think of us! He's the best of men. The more at ease you +were, the happier he would be. Oh dear, you needn't be afraid of +Pecksniff. He is not a spy.' + +Many a man in Mr Pecksniff's place, if he could have dived through +the floor of the pew of state and come out at Calcutta or any +inhabited region on the other side of the earth, would have done it +instantly. Mr Pecksniff sat down upon a hassock, and listening more +attentively than ever, smiled. + +Mary seemed to have expressed some dissent in the meanwhile, for Tom +went on to say, with honest energy: + +'Well, I don't know how it is, but it always happens, whenever I +express myself in this way to anybody almost, that I find they won't +do justice to Pecksniff. It is one of the most extraordinary +circumstances that ever came within my knowledge, but it is so. +There's John Westlock, who used to be a pupil here, one of the best- +hearted young men in the world, in all other matters--I really +believe John would have Pecksniff flogged at the cart's tail if he +could. And John is not a solitary case, for every pupil we have had +in my time has gone away with the same inveterate hatred of him. +There was Mark Tapley, too, quite in another station of life,' said +Tom; 'the mockery he used to make of Pecksniff when he was at the +Dragon was shocking. Martin too: Martin was worse than any of 'em. +But I forgot. He prepared you to dislike Pecksniff, of course. So +you came with a prejudice, you know, Miss Graham, and are not a fair +witness.' + +Tom triumphed very much in this discovery, and rubbed his hands with +great satisfaction. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'you mistake him.' + +'No, no!' cried Tom. 'YOU mistake him. But,' he added, with a +rapid change in his tone, 'what is the matter? Miss Graham, what is +the matter?' + +Mr Pecksniff brought up to the top of the pew, by slow degrees, his +hair, his forehead, his eyebrow, his eye. She was sitting on a +bench beside the door with her hands before her face; and Tom was +bending over her. + +'What is the matter?' cried Tom. 'Have I said anything to hurt you? +Has any one said anything to hurt you? Don't cry. Pray tell me +what it is. I cannot bear to see you so distressed. Mercy on us, I +never was so surprised and grieved in all my life!' + +Mr Pecksniff kept his eye in the same place. He could have moved it +now for nothing short of a gimlet or a red-hot wire. + +'I wouldn't have told you, Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'if I could have +helped it; but your delusion is so absorbing, and it is so necessary +that we should be upon our guard; that you should not be +compromised; and to that end that you should know by whom I am +beset; that no alternative is left me. I came here purposely to +tell you, but I think I should have wanted courage if you had not +chanced to lead me so directly to the object of my coming.' + +Tom gazed at her steadfastly, and seemed to say, 'What else?' But he +said not a word. + +'That person whom you think the best of men,' said Mary, looking up, +and speaking with a quivering lip and flashing eye. + +'Lord bless me!' muttered Tom, staggering back. 'Wait a moment. +That person whom I think the best of men! You mean Pecksniff, of +course. Yes, I see you mean Pecksniff. Good gracious me, don't +speak without authority. What has he done? If he is not the best +of men, what is he?' + +'The worst. The falsest, craftiest, meanest, cruellest, most +sordid, most shameless,' said the trembling girl--trembling with her +indignation. + +Tom sat down on a seat, and clasped his hands. + +'What is he,' said Mary, 'who receiving me in his house as his +guest; his unwilling guest; knowing my history, and how defenceless +and alone I am, presumes before his daughters to affront me so, that +if I had a brother but a child, who saw it, he would instinctively +have helped me?' + +'He is a scoundrel!' exclaimed Tom. 'Whoever he may be, he is a +scoundrel.' + +Mr Pecksniff dived again. + +'What is he,' said Mary, 'who, when my only friend--a dear and kind +one, too--was in full health of mind, humbled himself before him, +but was spurned away (for he knew him then) like a dog. Who, in his +forgiving spirit, now that that friend is sunk into a failing state, +can crawl about him again, and use the influence he basely gains for +every base and wicked purpose, and not for one--not one--that's true +or good?' + +'I say he is a scoundrel!' answered Tom. + +'But what is he--oh, Mr Pinch, what IS he--who, thinking he could +compass these designs the better if I were his wife, assails me with +the coward's argument that if I marry him, Martin, on whom I have +brought so much misfortune, shall be restored to something of his +former hopes; and if I do not, shall be plunged in deeper ruin? +What is he who makes my very constancy to one I love with all my +heart a torture to myself and wrong to him; who makes me, do what I +will, the instrument to hurt a head I would heap blessings on! What +is he who, winding all these cruel snares about me, explains their +purpose to me, with a smooth tongue and a smiling face, in the broad +light of day; dragging me on, the while, in his embrace, and holding +to his lips a hand,' pursued the agitated girl, extending it, 'which +I would have struck off, if with it I could lose the shame and +degradation of his touch?' + +'I say,' cried Tom, in great excitement, 'he is a scoundrel and a +villain! I don't care who he is, I say he is a double-dyed and most +intolerable villain!' + +Covering her face with her hands again, as if the passion which +had sustained her through these disclosures lost itself in an +overwhelming sense of shame and grief, she abandoned herself to +tears. + +Any sight of distress was sure to move the tenderness of Tom, but +this especially. Tears and sobs from her were arrows in his heart. +He tried to comfort her; sat down beside her; expended all his store +of homely eloquence; and spoke in words of praise and hope of +Martin. Aye, though he loved her from his soul with such a self- +denying love as woman seldom wins; he spoke from first to last of +Martin. Not the wealth of the rich Indies would have tempted Tom to +shirk one mention of her lover's name. + +When she was more composed, she impressed upon Tom that this man she +had described, was Pecksniff in his real colours; and word by word +and phrase by phrase, as well as she remembered it, related what had +passed between them in the wood: which was no doubt a source of high +gratification to that gentleman himself, who in his desire to see +and his dread of being seen, was constantly diving down into the +state pew, and coming up again like the intelligent householder in +Punch's Show, who avoids being knocked on the head with a cudgel. +When she had concluded her account, and had besought Tom to be very +distant and unconscious in his manner towards her after this +explanation, and had thanked him very much, they parted on the alarm +of footsteps in the burial-ground; and Tom was left alone in the +church again. + +And now the full agitation and misery of the disclosure came rushing +upon Tom indeed. The star of his whole life from boyhood had +become, in a moment, putrid vapour. It was not that Pecksniff, +Tom's Pecksniff, had ceased to exist, but that he never had existed. +In his death Tom would have had the comfort of remembering what he +used to be, but in this discovery, he had the anguish of +recollecting what he never was. For, as Tom's blindness in this +matter had been total and not partial, so was his restored sight. +HIS Pecksniff could never have worked the wickedness of which he had +just now heard, but any other Pecksniff could; and the Pecksniff who +could do that could do anything, and no doubt had been doing +anything and everything except the right thing, all through his +career. From the lofty height on which poor Tom had placed his idol +it was tumbled down headlong, and + + + Not all the king's horses, nor all the king's men, + Could have set Mr Pecksniff up again. + + +Legions of Titans couldn't have got him out of the mud; and serve +him right! But it was not he who suffered; it was Tom. His compass +was broken, his chart destroyed, his chronometer had stopped, his +masts were gone by the board; his anchor was adrift, ten thousand +leagues away. + +Mr Pecksniff watched him with a lively interest, for he divined the +purpose of Tom's ruminations, and was curious to see how he +conducted himself. For some time, Tom wandered up and down the +aisle like a man demented, stopping occasionally to lean against a +pew and think it over; then he stood staring at a blank old monument +bordered tastefully with skulls and cross-bones, as if it were the +finest work of Art he had ever seen, although at other times he held +it in unspeakable contempt; then he sat down; then walked to and fro +again; then went wandering up into the organ-loft, and touched the +keys. But their minstrelsy was changed, their music gone; and +sounding one long melancholy chord, Tom drooped his head upon his +hands and gave it up as hopeless. + +'I wouldn't have cared,' said Tom Pinch, rising from his stool and +looking down into the church as if he had been the Clergyman, 'I +wouldn't have cared for anything he might have done to Me, for I +have tried his patience often, and have lived upon his sufferance +and have never been the help to him that others could have been. I +wouldn't have minded, Pecksniff,' Tom continued, little thinking who +heard him, 'if you had done Me any wrong; I could have found plenty +of excuses for that; and though you might have hurt me, could have +still gone on respecting you. But why did you ever fall so low as +this in my esteem! Oh Pecksniff, Pecksniff, there is nothing I would +not have given, to have had you deserve my old opinion of you; +nothing!' + +Mr Pecksniff sat upon the hassock pulling up his shirt-collar, while +Tom, touched to the quick, delivered this apostrophe. After a pause +he heard Tom coming down the stairs, jingling the church keys; and +bringing his eye to the top of the pew again, saw him go slowly out +and lock the door. + +Mr Pecksniff durst not issue from his place of concealment; for +through the windows of the church he saw Tom passing on among the +graves, and sometimes stopping at a stone, and leaning there as if +he were a mourner who had lost a friend. Even when he had left the +churchyard, Mr Pecksniff still remained shut up; not being at all +secure but that in his restless state of mind Tom might come +wandering back. At length he issued forth, and walked with a +pleasant countenance into the vestry; where he knew there was a +window near the ground, by which he could release himself by merely +stepping out. + +He was in a curious frame of mind, Mr Pecksniff; being in no hurry +to go, but rather inclining to a dilatory trifling with the time, +which prompted him to open the vestry cupboard, and look at himself +in the parson's little glass that hung within the door. Seeing that +his hair was rumpled, he took the liberty of borrowing the canonical +brush and arranging it. He also took the liberty of opening another +cupboard; but he shut it up again quickly, being rather startled by +the sight of a black and a white surplice dangling against the wall; +which had very much the appearance of two curates who had committed +suicide by hanging themselves. Remembering that he had seen in the +first cupboard a port-wine bottle and some biscuits, he peeped into +it again, and helped himself with much deliberation; cogitating all +the time though, in a very deep and weighty manner, as if his +thoughts were otherwise employed. + +He soon made up his mind, if it had ever been in doubt; and putting +back the bottle and biscuits, opened the casement. He got out into +the churchyard without any difficulty; shut the window after him; +and walked straight home. + +'Is Mr Pinch indoors?' asked Mr Pecksniff of his serving-maid. + +'Just come in, sir.' + +'Just come in, eh?' repeated Mr Pecksniff, cheerfully. 'And gone +upstairs, I suppose?' + +'Yes sir. Gone upstairs. Shall I call him, sir?' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'no. You needn't call him, Jane. Thank +you, Jane. How are your relations, Jane?' + +'Pretty well, I thank you, sir.' + +'I am glad to hear it. Let them know I asked about them, Jane. Is +Mr Chuzzlewit in the way, Jane?' + +'Yes, sir. He's in the parlour, reading.' + +'He's in the parlour, reading, is he, Jane?' said Mr Pecksniff. +'Very well. Then I think I'll go and see him, Jane.' + +Never had Mr Pecksniff been beheld in a more pleasant humour! + +But when he walked into the parlour where the old man was engaged as +Jane had said; with pen and ink and paper on a table close at hand +(for Mr Pecksniff was always very particular to have him well +supplied with writing materials), he became less cheerful. He was +not angry, he was not vindictive, he was not cross, he was not +moody, but he was grieved; he was sorely grieved. As he sat down by +the old man's side, two tears--not tears like those with which +recording angels blot their entries out, but drops so precious that +they use them for their ink--stole down his meritorious cheeks. + +'What is the matter?' asked old Martin. 'Pecksniff, what ails you, +man?' + +'I am sorry to interrupt you, my dear sir, and I am still more sorry +for the cause. My good, my worthy friend, I am deceived.' + +'You are deceived!' + +'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in an agony, 'deceived in the tenderest +point. Cruelly deceived in that quarter, sir, in which I placed the +most unbounded confidence. Deceived, Mr Chuzzlewit, by Thomas +Pinch.' + +'Oh! bad, bad, bad!' said Martin, laying down his book. 'Very bad! +I hope not. Are you certain?' + +'Certain, my good sir! My eyes and ears are witnesses. I wouldn't +have believed it otherwise. I wouldn't have believed it, Mr +Chuzzlewit, if a Fiery Serpent had proclaimed it from the top of +Salisbury Cathedral. I would have said,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'that +the Serpent lied. Such was my faith in Thomas Pinch, that I would +have cast the falsehood back into the Serpent's teeth, and would +have taken Thomas to my heart. But I am not a Serpent, sir, myself, +I grieve to say, and no excuse or hope is left me.' + +Martin was greatly disturbed to see him so much agitated, and to +hear such unexpected news. He begged him to compose himself, and +asked upon what subject Mr Pinch's treachery had been developed. + +'That is almost the worst of all, sir,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'on +a subject nearly concerning YOU. Oh! is it not enough,' said Mr +Pecksniff, looking upward, 'that these blows must fall on me, but +must they also hit my friends!' + +'You alarm me,' cried the old man, changing colour. 'I am not so +strong as I was. You terrify me, Pecksniff!' + +'Cheer up, my noble sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking courage, 'and we +will do what is required of us. You shall know all, sir, and shall +be righted. But first excuse me, sir, excuse me. I have a duty to +discharge, which I owe to society.' + +He rang the bell, and Jane appeared. 'Send Mr Pinch here, if you +please, Jane.' + +Tom came. Constrained and altered in his manner, downcast and +dejected, visibly confused; not liking to look Pecksniff in the +face. + +The honest man bestowed a glance on Mr Chuzzlewit, as who should say +'You see!' and addressed himself to Tom in these terms: + +'Mr Pinch, I have left the vestry-window unfastened. Will you do me +the favour to go and secure it; then bring the keys of the sacred +edifice to me!' + +'The vestry-window, sir?' cried Tom. + +'You understand me, Mr Pinch, I think,' returned his patron. 'Yes, +Mr Pinch, the vestry-window. I grieve to say that sleeping in the +church after a fatiguing ramble, I overheard just now some +fragments,' he emphasised that word, 'of a dialogue between two +parties; and one of them locking the church when he went out, I was +obliged to leave it myself by the vestry-window. Do me the favour +to secure that vestry-window, Mr Pinch, and then come back to me.' + +No physiognomist that ever dwelt on earth could have construed Tom's +face when he heard these words. Wonder was in it, and a mild look +of reproach, but certainly no fear or guilt, although a host of +strong emotions struggled to display themselves. He bowed, and +without saying one word, good or bad, withdrew. + +'Pecksniff,' cried Martin, in a tremble, 'what does all this mean? +You are not going to do anything in haste, you may regret!' + +'No, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, firmly, 'No. But I have a +duty to discharge which I owe to society; and it shall be +discharged, my friend, at any cost!' + +Oh, late-remembered, much-forgotten, mouthing, braggart duty, always +owed, and seldom paid in any other coin than punishment and wrath, +when will mankind begin to know thee! When will men acknowledge thee +in thy neglected cradle, and thy stunted youth, and not begin their +recognition in thy sinful manhood and thy desolate old age! Oh, +ermined Judge whose duty to society is, now, to doom the ragged +criminal to punishment and death, hadst thou never, Man, a duty to +discharge in barring up the hundred open gates that wooed him to the +felon's dock, and throwing but ajar the portals to a decent life! Oh, +prelate, prelate, whose duty to society it is to mourn in melancholy +phrase the sad degeneracy of these bad times in which thy lot of +honours has been cast, did nothing go before thy elevation to the +lofty seat, from which thou dealest out thy homilies to other +tarriers for dead men's shoes, whose duty to society has not begun! +Oh! magistrate, so rare a country gentleman and brave a squire, had +you no duty to society, before the ricks were blazing and the mob +were mad; or did it spring up, armed and booted from the earth, a +corps of yeomanry full-grown! + +Mr Pecksniff's duty to society could not be paid till Tom came back. +The interval which preceded the return of that young man, he +occupied in a close conference with his friend; so that when Tom did +arrive, he found the two quite ready to receive him. Mary was in +her own room above, whither Mr Pecksniff, always considerate, had +besought old Martin to entreat her to remain some half-hour longer, +that her feelings might be spared. + +When Tom came back, he found old Martin sitting by the window, and +Mr Pecksniff in an imposing attitude at the table. On one side of +him was his pocket-handkerchief; and on the other a little heap (a +very little heap) of gold and silver, and odd pence. Tom saw, at a +glance, that it was his own salary for the current quarter. + +'Have you fastened the vestry-window, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff. + +'Yes, sir.' + +'Thank you. Put down the keys if you please, Mr Pinch.' + +Tom placed them on the table. He held the bunch by the key of the +organ-loft (though it was one of the smallest), and looked hard at +it as he laid it down. It had been an old, old friend of Tom's; a +kind companion to him, many and many a day. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, shaking his head; 'oh, Mr Pinch! I +wonder you can look me in the face!' + +Tom did it though; and notwithstanding that he has been described as +stooping generally, he stood as upright then as man could stand. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, taking up his handkerchief, as if he +felt that he should want it soon, 'I will not dwell upon the past. +I will spare you, and I will spare myself, that pain at least.' + +Tom's was not a very bright eye, but it was a very expressive one +when he looked at Mr Pecksniff, and said: + +'Thank you, sir. I am very glad you will not refer to the past.' + +'The present is enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, dropping a penny, 'and +the sooner THAT is past, the better. Mr Pinch, I will not dismiss +you without a word of explanation. Even such a course would be +quite justifiable under the circumstances; but it might wear an +appearance of hurry, and I will not do it; for I am,' said Mr +Pecksniff, knocking down another penny, 'perfectly self-possessed. +Therefore I will say to you, what I have already said to Mr +Chuzzlewit.' + +Tom glanced at the old gentleman, who nodded now and then as +approving of Mr Pecksniff's sentences and sentiments, but interposed +between them in no other way. + +'From fragments of a conversation which I overheard in the church, +just now, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'between yourself and Miss +Graham--I say fragments, because I was slumbering at a considerable +distance from you, when I was roused by your voices--and from what I +saw, I ascertained (I would have given a great deal not to have +ascertained, Mr Pinch) that you, forgetful of all ties of duty and +of honour, sir; regardless of the sacred laws of hospitality, to +which you were pledged as an inmate of this house; have presumed to +address Miss Graham with unreturned professions of attachment and +proposals of love.' + +Tom looked at him steadily. + +'Do you deny it, sir?' asked Mr Pecksniff, dropping one pound two +and fourpence, and making a great business of picking it up again. + +'No, sir,' replied Tom. 'I do not.' + +'You do not,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the old gentleman. +'Oblige me by counting this money, Mr Pinch, and putting your name +to this receipt. You do not?' + +No, Tom did not. He scorned to deny it. He saw that Mr Pecksniff +having overheard his own disgrace, cared not a jot for sinking lower +yet in his contempt. He saw that he had devised this fiction as the +readiest means of getting rid of him at once, but that it must end +in that any way. He saw that Mr Pecksniff reckoned on his not +denying it, because his doing so and explaining would incense the +old man more than ever against Martin and against Mary; while +Pecksniff himself would only have been mistaken in his 'fragments.' +Deny it! No. + +'You find the amount correct, do you, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff. + +'Quite correct, sir,' answered Tom. + +'A person is waiting in the kitchen,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to carry +your luggage wherever you please. We part, Mr Pinch, at once, and +are strangers from this time.' + +Something without a name; compassion, sorrow, old tenderness, +mistaken gratitude, habit; none of these, and yet all of them; smote +upon Tom's gentle heart at parting. There was no such soul as +Pecksniff's in that carcase; and yet, though his speaking out had +not involved the compromise of one he loved, he couldn't have +denounced the very shape and figure of the man. Not even then. + +'I will not say,' cried Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears, 'what a blow +this is. I will not say how much it tries me; how it works upon my +nature; how it grates upon my feelings. I do not care for that. I +can endure as well as another man. But what I have to hope, and +what you have to hope, Mr Pinch (otherwise a great responsibility +rests upon you), is, that this deception may not alter my ideas of +humanity; that it may not impair my freshness, or contract, if I may +use the expression, my Pinions. I hope it will not; I don't think +it will. It may be a comfort to you, if not now, at some future +time, to know that I shall endeavour not to think the worse of my +fellow-creatures in general, for what has passed between us. +Farewell!' + +Tom had meant to spare him one little puncturation with a lancet, +which he had it in his power to administer, but he changed his mind +on hearing this, and said: + +'I think you left something in the church, sir.' + +'Thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I am not aware that I did.' + +'This is your double eye-glass, I believe?' said Tom. + +'Oh!' cried Pecksniff, with some degree of confusion. 'I am obliged +to you. Put it down, if you please.' + +'I found it,' said Tom, slowly--'when I went to bolt the vestry- +window--in the pew.' + +So he had. Mr Pecksniff had taken it off when he was bobbing up and +down, lest it should strike against the panelling; and had forgotten +it. Going back to the church with his mind full of having been +watched, and wondering very much from what part, Tom's attention was +caught by the door of the state pew standing open. Looking into it +he found the glass. And thus he knew, and by returning it gave Mr +Pecksniff the information that he knew, where the listener had been; +and that instead of overhearing fragments of the conversation, he +must have rejoiced in every word of it. + +'I am glad he's gone,' said Martin, drawing a long breath when Tom +had left the room. + +'It IS a relief,' assented Mr Pecksniff. 'It is a great relief. +But having discharged--I hope with tolerable firmness--the duty +which I owed to society, I will now, my dear sir, if you will give +me leave, retire to shed a few tears in the back garden, as an +humble individual.' + +Tom went upstairs; cleared his shelf of books; packed them up with +his music and an old fiddle in his trunk; got out his clothes (they +were not so many that they made his head ache); put them on the top +of his books; and went into the workroom for his case of +instruments. There was a ragged stool there, with the horsehair all +sticking out of the top like a wig: a very Beast of a stool in +itself; on which he had taken up his daily seat, year after year, +during the whole period of his service. They had grown older and +shabbier in company. Pupils had served their time; seasons had come +and gone. Tom and the worn-out stool had held together through it +all. That part of the room was traditionally called 'Tom's Corner.' +It had been assigned to him at first because of its being situated +in a strong draught, and a great way from the fire; and he had +occupied it ever since. There were portraits of him on the walls, +with all his weak points monstrously portrayed. Diabolical +sentiments, foreign to his character, were represented as issuing +from his mouth in fat balloons. Every pupil had added something, +even unto fancy portraits of his father with one eye, and of his +mother with a disproportionate nose, and especially of his sister; +who always being presented as extremely beautiful, made full amends +to Tom for any other jokes. Under less uncommon circumstances, it +would have cut Tom to the heart to leave these things and think that +he saw them for the last time; but it didn't now. There was no +Pecksniff; there never had been a Pecksniff; and all his other +griefs were swallowed up in that. + +So, when he returned into the bedroom, and, having fastened his box +and a carpet-bag, put on his walking gaiters, and his great-coat, +and his hat, and taken his stick in his hand, looked round it for +the last time. Early on summer mornings, and by the light of +private candle-ends on winter nights, he had read himself half blind +in this same room. He had tried in this same room to learn the +fiddle under the bedclothes, but yielding to objections from the +other pupils, had reluctantly abandoned the design. At any other +time he would have parted from it with a pang, thinking of all he +had learned there, of the many hours he had passed there; for the +love of his very dreams. But there was no Pecksniff; there never +had been a Pecksniff, and the unreality of Pecksniff extended itself +to the chamber, in which, sitting on one particular bed, the thing +supposed to be that Great Abstraction had often preached morality +with such effect that Tom had felt a moisture in his eyes, while +hanging breathless on the words. + +The man engaged to bear his box--Tom knew him well: a Dragon man-- +came stamping up the stairs, and made a roughish bow to Tom (to whom +in common times he would have nodded with a grin) as though he were +aware of what had happened, and wished him to perceive it made no +difference to HIM. It was clumsily done; he was a mere waterer of +horses; but Tom liked the man for it, and felt it more than going +away. + +Tom would have helped him with the box, but he made no more of it, +though it was a heavy one, than an elephant would have made of a +castle; just swinging it on his back and bowling downstairs as if, +being naturally a heavy sort of fellow, he could carry a box +infinitely better than he could go alone. Tom took the carpet-bag, +and went downstairs along with him. At the outer door stood Jane, +crying with all her might; and on the steps was Mrs Lupin, sobbing +bitterly, and putting out her hand for Tom to shake. + +'You're coming to the Dragon, Mr Pinch?' + +'No,' said Tom, 'no. I shall walk to Salisbury to-night. I +couldn't stay here. For goodness' sake, don't make me so unhappy, +Mrs Lupin.' + +'But you'll come to the Dragon, Mr Pinch. If it's only for tonight. +To see me, you know; not as a traveller.' + +'God bless my soul!' said Tom, wiping his eyes. 'The kindness of +people is enough to break one's heart! I mean to go to Salisbury +to-night, my dear good creature. If you'll take care of my box for +me till I write for it, I shall consider it the greatest kindness +you can do me.' + +'I wish,' cried Mrs Lupin, 'there were twenty boxes, Mr Pinch, that +I might have 'em all.' + +'Thank'ee,' said Tom. 'It's like you. Good-bye. Good-bye.' + +There were several people, young and old, standing about the door, +some of whom cried with Mrs Lupin; while others tried to keep up a +stout heart, as Tom did; and others were absorbed in admiration of +Mr Pecksniff--a man who could build a church, as one may say, by +squinting at a sheet of paper; and others were divided between that +feeling and sympathy with Tom. Mr Pecksniff had appeared on the top +of the steps, simultaneously with his old pupil, and while Tom was +talking with Mrs Lupin kept his hand stretched out, as though he +said 'Go forth!' When Tom went forth, and had turned the corner Mr +Pecksniff shook his head, shut his eyes, and heaving a deep sigh, +shut the door. On which, the best of Tom's supporters said he must +have done some dreadful deed, or such a man as Mr Pecksniff never +could have felt like that. If it had been a common quarrel (they +observed), he would have said something, but when he didn't, Mr +Pinch must have shocked him dreadfully. + +Tom was out of hearing of their shrewd opinions, and plodded on as +steadily as he could go, until he came within sight of the turnpike +where the tollman's family had cried out 'Mr Pinch!' that frosty +morning, when he went to meet young Martin. He had got through the +village, and this toll-bar was his last trial; but when the infant +toll-takers came screeching out, he had half a mind to run for it, +and make a bolt across the country. + +'Why, deary Mr Pinch! oh, deary sir!' cried the tollman's wife. 'What +an unlikely time for you to be a-going this way with a bag!' + +'I am going to Salisbury,' said Tom. + +'Why, goodness, where's the gig, then?' cried the tollman's wife, +looking down the road, as if she thought Tom might have been upset +without observing it. + +'I haven't got it,' said Tom. 'I--' he couldn't evade it; he felt +she would have him in the next question, if he got over this one. +'I have left Mr Pecksniff.' + +The tollman--a crusty customer, always smoking solitary pipes in a +Windsor chair, inside, set artfully between two little windows that +looked up and down the road, so that when he saw anything coming up +he might hug himself on having toll to take, and when he saw it +going down, might hug himself on having taken it--the tollman was +out in an instant. + +'Left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman. + +'Yes,' said Tom, 'left him.' + +The tollman looked at his wife, uncertain whether to ask her if she +had anything to suggest, or to order her to mind the children. +Astonishment making him surly, he preferred the latter, and sent her +into the toll-house with a flea in her ear. + +'You left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman, folding his arms, and +spreading his legs. 'I should as soon have thought of his head +leaving him.' + +'Aye!' said Tom, 'so should I, yesterday. Good night!' + +If a heavy drove of oxen hadn't come by immediately, the tollman +would have gone down to the village straight, to inquire into it. +As things turned out, he smoked another pipe, and took his wife into +his confidence. But their united sagacity could make nothing of it, +and they went to bed--metaphorically--in the dark. But several +times that night, when a waggon or other vehicle came through, and +the driver asked the tollkeeper 'What news?' he looked at the man by +the light of his lantern, to assure himself that he had an interest +in the subject, and then said, wrapping his watch-coat round his +legs: + +'You've heerd of Mr Pecksniff down yonder?' + +'Ah! sure-ly!' + +'And of his young man Mr Pinch, p'raps?' + +'Ah!' + +'They've parted.' + +After every one of these disclosures, the tollman plunged into his +house again, and was seen no more, while the other side went on in +great amazement. + +But this was long after Tom was abed, and Tom was now with his face +towards Salisbury, doing his best to get there. The evening was +beautiful at first, but it became cloudy and dull at sunset, and the +rain fell heavily soon afterwards. For ten long miles he plodded +on, wet through, until at last the lights appeared, and he came into +the welcome precincts of the city. + +He went to the inn where he had waited for Martin, and briefly +answering their inquiries after Mr Pecksniff, ordered a bed. He had +no heart for tea or supper, meat or drink of any kind, but sat by +himself before an empty table in the public room while the bed was +getting ready, revolving in his mind all that had happened that +eventful day, and wondering what he could or should do for the +future. It was a great relief when the chambermaid came in, and +said the bed was ready. + +It was a low four-poster, shelving downward in the centre like a +trough, and the room was crowded with impracticable tables and +exploded chests of drawers, full of damp linen. A graphic +representation in oil of a remarkably fat ox hung over the +fireplace, and the portrait of some former landlord (who might have +been the ox's brother, he was so like him) stared roundly in, at the +foot of the bed. A variety of queer smells were partially quenched +in the prevailing scent of very old lavender; and the window had not +been opened for such a long space of time that it pleaded immemorial +usage, and wouldn't come open now. + +These were trifles in themselves, but they added to the strangeness +of the place, and did not induce Tom to forget his new position. +Pecksniff had gone out of the world--had never been in it--and it +was as much as Tom could do to say his prayers without him. But he +felt happier afterwards, and went to sleep, and dreamed about him as +he Never Was. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO + +TREATS OF TODGER'S AGAIN; AND OF ANOTHER BLIGHTED PLANT BESIDES THE +PLANTS UPON THE LEADS + + +Early on the day next after that on which she bade adieu to the +halls of her youth and the scenes of her childhood, Miss Pecksniff, +arriving safely at the coach-office in London, was there received, +and conducted to her peaceful home beneath the shadow of the +Monument, by Mrs Todgers. M. Todgers looked a little worn by cares +of gravy and other such solicitudes arising out of her +establishment, but displayed her usual earnestness and warmth of +manner. + +'And how, my sweet Miss Pecksniff,' said she, 'how is your princely +pa?' + +Miss Pecksniff signified (in confidence) that he contemplated the +introduction of a princely ma; and repeated the sentiment that she +wasn't blind, and wasn't quite a fool, and wouldn't bear it. + +Mrs Todgers was more shocked by the intelligence than any one could +have expected. She was quite bitter. She said there was no truth +in man and that the warmer he expressed himself, as a general +principle, the falser and more treacherous he was. She foresaw with +astonishing clearness that the object of Mr Pecksniff's attachment +was designing, worthless, and wicked; and receiving from Charity the +fullest confirmation of these views, protested with tears in her +eyes that she loved Miss Pecksniff like a sister, and felt her +injuries as if they were her own. + +'Your real darling sister, I have not seen her more than once since +her marriage,' said Mrs Todgers, 'and then I thought her looking +poorly. My sweet Miss Pecksniff, I always thought that you was to +be the lady?' + +'Oh dear no!' cried Cherry, shaking her head. 'Oh no, Mrs Todgers. +Thank you. No! not for any consideration he could offer.' + +'I dare say you are right,' said Mrs Todgers with a sigh. 'I feared +it all along. But the misery we have had from that match, here +among ourselves, in this house, my dear Miss Pecksniff, nobody would +believe.' + +'Lor, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Awful, awful!' repeated Mrs Todgers, with strong emphasis. 'You +recollect our youngest gentleman, my dear?' + +'Of course I do,' said Cherry. + +'You might have observed,' said Mrs Todgers, 'how he used to watch +your sister; and that a kind of stony dumbness came over him +whenever she was in company?' + +'I am sure I never saw anything of the sort,' said Cherry, in a +peevish manner. 'What nonsense, Mrs Todgers!' + +'My dear,' returned that lady in a hollow voice, 'I have seen him +again and again, sitting over his pie at dinner, with his spoon a +perfect fixture in his mouth, looking at your sister. I have seen +him standing in a corner of our drawing-room, gazing at her, in such +a lonely, melancholy state, that he was more like a Pump than a man, +and might have drawed tears.' + +'I never saw it!' cried Cherry; 'that's all I can say.' + +'But when the marriage took place,' said Mrs Todgers, proceeding +with her subject, 'when it was in the paper, and was read out here +at breakfast, I thought he had taken leave of his senses, I did +indeed. The violence of that young man, my dear Miss Pecksniff; the +frightful opinions he expressed upon the subject of self- +destruction; the extraordinary actions he performed with his tea; +the clenching way in which he bit his bread and butter; the manner +in which he taunted Mr Jinkins; all combined to form a picture never +to be forgotten.' + +'It's a pity he didn't destroy himself, I think,' observed Miss +Pecksniff. + +'Himself!' said Mrs Todgers, 'it took another turn at night. He was +for destroying other people then. There was a little chaffing going +on--I hope you don't consider that a low expression, Miss Pecksniff; +it is always in our gentlemen's mouths--a little chaffing going on, +my dear, among 'em, all in good nature, when suddenly he rose up, +foaming with his fury, and but for being held by three would have +had Mr Jinkins's life with a bootjack.' + +Miss Pecksniff's face expressed supreme indifference. + +'And now,' said Mrs Todgers, 'now he is the meekest of men. You can +almost bring the tears into his eyes by looking at him. He sits +with me the whole day long on Sundays, talking in such a dismal way +that I find it next to impossible to keep my spirits up equal to the +accommodation of the boarders. His only comfort is in female +society. He takes me half-price to the play, to an extent which I +sometimes fear is beyond his means; and I see the tears a-standing +in his eyes during the whole performance--particularly if it is +anything of a comic nature. The turn I experienced only yesterday,' +said Mrs Todgers putting her hand to her side, 'when the house-maid +threw his bedside carpet out of the window of his room, while I was +sitting here, no one can imagine. I thought it was him, and that he +had done it at last!' + +The contempt with which Miss Charity received this pathetic account +of the state to which the youngest gentleman in company was reduced, +did not say much for her power of sympathising with that unfortunate +character. She treated it with great levity, and went on to inform +herself, then and afterwards, whether any other changes had occurred +in the commercial boarding-house. + +Mr Bailey was gone, and had been succeeded (such is the decay of +human greatness!) by an old woman whose name was reported to be +Tamaroo--which seemed an impossibility. Indeed it appeared in the +fullness of time that the jocular boarders had appropriated the word +from an English ballad, in which it is supposed to express the bold +and fiery nature of a certain hackney coachman; and that it was +bestowed upon Mr Bailey's successor by reason of her having nothing +fiery about her, except an occasional attack of that fire which is +called St. Anthony's. This ancient female had been engaged, in +fulfillment of a vow, registered by Mrs Todgers, that no more boys +should darken the commercial doors; and she was chiefly remarkable +for a total absence of all comprehension upon every subject +whatever. She was a perfect Tomb for messages and small parcels; +and when dispatched to the Post Office with letters, had been +frequently seen endeavouring to insinuate them into casual chinks in +private doors, under the delusion that any door with a hole in it +would answer the purpose. She was a very little old woman, and +always wore a very coarse apron with a bib before and a loop behind, +together with bandages on her wrists, which appeared to be afflicted +with an everlasting sprain. She was on all occasions chary of +opening the street door, and ardent to shut it again; and she waited +at table in a bonnet. + +This was the only great change over and above the change which had +fallen on the youngest gentleman. As for him, he more than +corroborated the account of Mrs Todgers; possessing greater +sensibility than even she had given him credit for. He entertained +some terrible notions of Destiny, among other matters, and talked +much about people's 'Missions'; upon which he seemed to have some +private information not generally attainable, as he knew it had been +poor Merry's mission to crush him in the bud. He was very frail and +tearful; for being aware that a shepherd's mission was to pipe to +his flocks, and that a boatswain's mission was to pipe all hands, +and that one man's mission was to be a paid piper, and another man's +mission was to pay the piper, so he had got it into his head that +his own peculiar mission was to pipe his eye. Which he did +perpetually. + +He often informed Mrs Todgers that the sun had set upon him; that +the billows had rolled over him; that the car of Juggernaut had +crushed him, and also that the deadly Upas tree of Java had blighted +him. His name was Moddle. + +Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss Pecksniff conducted herself +at first with distant haughtiness, being in no humour to be +entertained with dirges in honour of her married sister. The poor +young gentleman was additionally crushed by this, and remonstrated +with Mrs Todgers on the subject. + +'Even she turns from me, Mrs Todgers,' said Moddle. + +'Then why don't you try and be a little bit more cheerful, sir?' +retorted Mrs Todgers. + +'Cheerful, Mrs Todgers! cheerful!' cried the youngest gentleman; +'when she reminds me of days for ever fled, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Then you had better avoid her for a short time, if she does,' said +Mrs Todgers, 'and come to know her again, by degrees. That's my +advice.' + +'But I can't avoid her,' replied Moddle, 'I haven't strength of mind +to do it. Oh, Mrs Todgers, if you knew what a comfort her nose is +to me!' + +'Her nose, sir!' Mrs Todgers cried. + +'Her profile, in general,' said the youngest gentleman, 'but +particularly her nose. It's so like;' here he yielded to a burst of +grief. 'it's so like hers who is Another's, Mrs Todgers!' + +The observant matron did not fail to report this conversation to +Charity, who laughed at the time, but treated Mr Moddle that very +evening with increased consideration, and presented her side face to +him as much as possible. Mr Moddle was not less sentimental than +usual; was rather more so, if anything; but he sat and stared at her +with glistening eyes, and seemed grateful. + +'Well, sir!' said the lady of the Boarding-House next day. 'You +held up your head last night. You're coming round, I think.' + +'Only because she's so like her who is Another's, Mrs Todgers,' +rejoined the youth. 'When she talks, and when she smiles, I think +I'm looking on HER brow again, Mrs Todgers.' + +This was likewise carried to Charity, who talked and smiled next +evening in her most engaging manner, and rallying Mr Moddle on the +lowness of his spirits, challenged him to play a rubber at cribbage. +Mr Moddle taking up the gauntlet, they played several rubbers for +sixpences, and Charity won them all. This may have been partially +attributable to the gallantry of the youngest gentleman, but it was +certainly referable to the state of his feelings also; for his eyes +being frequently dimmed by tears, he thought that aces were tens, +and knaves queens, which at times occasioned some confusion in his +play. + +On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs Todgers, sitting by, +proposed that instead of gambling they should play for 'love,' Mr +Moddle was seen to change colour. On the fourteenth night, he +kissed Miss Pecksniff's snuffers, in the passage, when she went +upstairs to bed; meaning to have kissed her hand, but missing it. + +In short, Mr Moddle began to be impressed with the idea that Miss +Pecksniff's mission was to comfort him; and Miss Pecksniff began to +speculate on the probability of its being her mission to become +ultimately Mrs Moddle. He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was +not a very young lady) with rising prospects, and 'almost' enough to +live on. Really it looked very well. + +Besides--besides--he had been regarded as devoted to Merry. Merry +had joked about him, and had once spoken of it to her sister as a +conquest. He was better looking, better shaped, better spoken, +better tempered, better mannered than Jonas. He was easy to manage, +could be made to consult the humours of his Betrothed, and could be +shown off like a lamb when Jonas was a bear. There was the rub! + +In the meantime the cribbage went on, and Mrs Todgers went off; for +the youngest gentleman, dropping her society, began to take Miss +Pecksniff to the play. He also began, as Mrs Todgers said, to slip +home 'in his dinner-times,' and to get away from 'the office' at +unholy seasons; and twice, as he informed Mrs Todgers himself, he +received anonymous letters, enclosing cards from Furniture +Warehouses--clearly the act of that ungentlemanly ruffian Jinkins; +only he hadn't evidence enough to call him out upon. All of which, +so Mrs Todgers told Miss Pecksniff, spoke as plain English as the +shining sun. + +'My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend upon it,' said Mrs Todgers, +'that he is burning to propose.' + +'My goodness me, why don't he then?' cried Cherry. + +'Men are so much more timid than we think 'em, my dear,' returned +Mrs Todgers. 'They baulk themselves continually. I saw the words +on Todgers's lips for months and months and months, before he said +'em.' + +Miss Pecksniff submitted that Todgers might not have been a fair +specimen. + +'Oh yes, he was. Oh bless you, yes, my dear. I was very particular +in those days, I assure you,' said Mrs Todgers, bridling. 'No, no. +You give Mr Moddle a little encouragement, Miss Pecksniff, if you +wish him to speak; and he'll speak fast enough, depend upon it.' + +'I am sure I don't know what encouragement he would have, Mrs +Todgers,' returned Charity. 'He walks with me, and plays cards with +me, and he comes and sits alone with me.' + +'Quite right,' said Mrs Todgers. 'That's indispensable, my dear.' + +'And he sits very close to me.' + +'Also quite correct,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And he looks at me.' + +'To be sure he does,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And he has his arm upon the back of the chair or sofa, or whatever +it is--behind me, you know.' + +'I should think so,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And then he begins to cry!' + +Mrs Todgers admitted that he might do better than that; and might +undoubtedly profit by the recollection of the great Lord Nelson's +signal at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said, he would come +round, or, not to mince the matter, would be brought round, if Miss +Pecksniff took up a decided position, and plainly showed him that it +must be done. + +Determining to regulate her conduct by this opinion, the young lady +received Mr Moddle, on the earliest subsequent occasion, with an air +of constraint; and gradually leading him to inquire, in a dejected +manner, why she was so changed, confessed to him that she felt it +necessary for their mutual peace and happiness to take a decided +step. They had been much together lately, she observed, much +together, and had tasted the sweets of a genuine reciprocity of +sentiment. She never could forget him, nor could she ever cease to +think of him with feelings of the liveliest friendship, but people +had begun to talk, the thing had been observed, and it was necessary +that they should be nothing more to each other, than any gentleman +and lady in society usually are. She was glad she had had the +resolution to say thus much before her feelings had been tried too +far; they had been greatly tried, she would admit; but though she +was weak and silly, she would soon get the better of it, she hoped. + +Moddle, who had by this time become in the last degree maudlin, and +wept abundantly, inferred from the foregoing avowal, that it was his +mission to communicate to others the blight which had fallen on +himself; and that, being a kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had +Miss Pecksniff assigned to him by the Fates, as Victim Number One. +Miss Pecksniff controverting this opinion as sinful, Moddle was +goaded on to ask whether she could be contented with a blighted +heart; and it appearing on further examination that she could be, +plighted his dismal troth, which was accepted and returned. + +He bore his good fortune with the utmost moderation. Instead of +being triumphant, he shed more tears than he had ever been known to +shed before; and, sobbing, said: + +'Oh! what a day this has been! I can't go back to the office this +afternoon. Oh, what a trying day this has been! Good Gracious!' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE + +FURTHER PROCEEDINGS IN EDEN, AND A PROCEEDING OUT OF IT. MARTIN +MAKES A DISCOVERY OF SOME IMPORTANCE + + +From Mr Moddle to Eden is an easy and natural transition. Mr +Moddle, living in the atmosphere of Miss Pecksniff's love, dwelt (if +he had but known it) in a terrestrial Paradise. The thriving city +of Eden was also a terrestrial Paradise, upon the showing of its +proprietors. The beautiful Miss Pecksniff might have been +poetically described as a something too good for man in his fallen +and degraded state. That was exactly the character of the thriving +city of Eden, as poetically heightened by Zephaniah Scadder, General +Choke, and other worthies; part and parcel of the talons of that +great American Eagle, which is always airing itself sky-high in +purest aether, and never, no never, never, tumbles down with +draggled wings into the mud. + +When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the architectural and surveying +offices, had effectually strengthened and encouraged his own spirits +by the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he proceeded, with +new cheerfulness, in search of help; congratulating himself, as he +went along, on the enviable position to which he had at last +attained. + +'I used to think, sometimes,' said Mr Tapley, 'as a desolate island +would suit me, but I should only have had myself to provide for +there, and being naturally a easy man to manage, there wouldn't have +been much credit in THAT. Now here I've got my partner to take care +on, and he's something like the sort of man for the purpose. I want +a man as is always a-sliding off his legs when he ought to be on +'em. I want a man as is so low down in the school of life that he's +always a-making figures of one in his copy-book, and can't get no +further. I want a man as is his own great coat and cloak, and is +always a-wrapping himself up in himself. And I have got him too,' +said Mr Tapley, after a moment's silence. 'What a happiness!' + +He paused to look round, uncertain to which of the log-houses he +should repair. + +'I don't know which to take,' he observed; 'that's the truth. +They're equally prepossessing outside, and equally commodious, no +doubt, within; being fitted up with every convenience that a +Alligator, in a state of natur', could possibly require. Let me +see! The citizen as turned out last night, lives under water, in the +right hand dog-kennel at the corner. I don't want to trouble him +if I can help it, poor man, for he is a melancholy object; a reg'lar +Settler in every respect. There's house with a winder, but I am +afraid of their being proud. I don't know whether a door ain't too +aristocratic; but here goes for the first one!' + +He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked with his hand. Being +desired to enter, he complied. + +'Neighbour,' said Mark; 'for I AM a neighbour, though you don't know +me; I've come a-begging. Hallo! hal--lo! Am I a-bed, and dreaming!' + +He made this exclamation on hearing his own name pronounced, and +finding himself clasped about the skirts by two little boys, whose +faces he had often washed, and whose suppers he had often cooked, on +board of that noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw. + +'My eyes is wrong!' said Mark. 'I don't believe 'em. That ain't my +fellow-passenger younder, a-nursing her little girl, who, I am sorry +to see, is so delicate; and that ain't her husband as come to New +York to fetch her. Nor these,' he added, looking down upon the +boys, 'ain't them two young shavers as was so familiar to me; though +they are uncommon like 'em. That I must confess.' + +The woman shed tears, in very joy to see him; the man shook both his +hands and would not let them go; the two boys hugged his legs; the +sick child in the mother's arms stretched out her burning little +fingers, and muttered, in her hoarse, dry throat, his well- +remembered name. + +It was the same family, sure enough. Altered by the salubrious air +of Eden. But the same. + +'This is a new sort of a morning call,' said Mark, drawing a long +breath. 'It strikes one all of a heap. Wait a little bit! I'm a- +coming round fast. That'll do! These gentlemen ain't my friends. +Are they on the visiting list of the house?' + +The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who had walked in after +him, and were much interested in the heels of the family. As they +did not belong to the mansion, they were expelled by the two little +boys. + +'I ain't superstitious about toads,' said Mark, looking round the +room, 'but if you could prevail upon the two or three I see in +company, to step out at the same time, my young friends, I think +they'd find the open air refreshing. Not that I at all object to +'em. A very handsome animal is a toad,' said Mr Tapley, sitting +down upon a stool; 'very spotted; very like a partickler style of +old gentleman about the throat; very bright-eyed, very cool, and +very slippy. But one sees 'em to the best advantage out of doors +perhaps.' + +While pretending, with such talk as this, to be perfectly at his +ease, and to be the most indifferent and careless of men, Mark +Tapley had an eye on all around him. The wan and meagre aspect of +the family, the changed looks of the poor mother, the fevered child +she held in her lap, the air of great despondency and little hope on +everything, were plain to him, and made a deep impression on his +mind. He saw it all as clearly and as quickly, as with his bodily +eyes he saw the rough shelves supported by pegs driven between the +logs, of which the house was made; the flour-cask in the corner, +serving also for a table; the blankets, spades, and other articles +against the walls; the damp that blotched the ground; or the crop of +vegetable rottenness in every crevice of the hut. + +'How is it that you have come here?' asked the man, when their first +expressions of surprise were over. + +'Why, we come by the steamer last night,' replied Mark. 'Our +intention is to make our fortuns with punctuality and dispatch; and +to retire upon our property as soon as ever it's realised. But how +are you all? You're looking noble!' + +'We are but sickly now,' said the poor woman, bending over her +child. 'But we shall do better when we are seasoned to the place.' + +'There are some here,' thought Mark 'whose seasoning will last for +ever.' + +But he said cheerfully, 'Do better! To be sure you will. We shall +all do better. What we've got to do is, to keep up our spirits, and +be neighbourly. We shall come all right in the end, never fear. +That reminds me, by the bye, that my partner's all wrong just at +present; and that I looked in to beg for him. I wish you'd come and +give me your opinion of him, master.' + +That must have been a very unreasonable request on the part of Mark +Tapley, with which, in their gratitude for his kind offices on board +the ship, they would not have complied instantly. The man rose to +accompany him without a moment's delay. Before they went, Mark took +the sick child in his arms, and tried to comfort the mother; but the +hand of death was on it then, he saw. + +They found Martin in the house, lying wrapped up in his blanket on +the ground. He was, to all appearance, very ill indeed, and shook +and shivered horribly; not as people do from cold, but in a +frightful kind of spasm or convulsion, that racked his whole body. +Mark's friend pronounced his disease an aggravated kind of fever, +accompanied with ague; which was very common in those parts, and +which he predicted would be worse to-morrow, and for many more +to-morrows. He had had it himself off and on, he said, for a +couple of years or so; but he was thankful that, while so many +he had known had died about him, he had escaped with life. + +'And with not too much of that,' thought Mark, surveying his +emaciated form. 'Eden for ever!' + +They had some medicine in their chest; and this man of sad +experience showed Mark how and when to administer it, and how he +could best alleviate the sufferings of Martin. His attentions did +not stop there; for he was backwards and forwards constantly, and +rendered Mark good service in all his brisk attempts to make their +situation more endurable. Hope or comfort for the future he could +not bestow. The season was a sickly one; the settlement a grave. +His child died that night; and Mark, keeping the secret from Martin, +helped to bury it, beneath a tree, next day. + +With all his various duties of attendance upon Martin (who became +the more exacting in his claims, the worse he grew), Mark worked out +of doors, early and late; and with the assistance of his friend and +others, laboured to do something with their land. Not that he had +the least strength of heart or hope, or steady purpose in so doing, +beyond the habitual cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing +power of self-sustainment; for within himself, he looked on their +condition as beyond all hope, and, in his own words, 'came out +strong' in consequence. + +'As to coming out as strong as I could wish, sir,' he confided to +Martin in a leisure moment; that is to say, one evening, while he +was washing the linen of the establishment, after a hard day's work, +'that I give up. It's a piece of good fortune as never is to happen +to me, I see!' + +'Would you wish for circumstances stronger than these?' Martin +retorted with a groan, from underneath his blanket. + +'Why, only see how easy they might have been stronger, sir,' said +Mark, 'if it wasn't for the envy of that uncommon fortun of mine, +which is always after me, and tripping me up. The night we landed +here, I thought things did look pretty jolly. I won't deny it. I +thought they did look pretty jolly.' + +'How do they look now?' groaned Martin. + +'Ah!' said Mark, 'Ah, to be sure. That's the question. How do they +look now? On the very first morning of my going out, what do I do? +Stumble on a family I know, who are constantly assisting of us in +all sorts of ways, from that time to this! That won't do, you know; +that ain't what I'd a right to expect. If I had stumbled on a +serpent and got bit; or stumbled on a first-rate patriot, and got +bowie-knifed, or stumbled on a lot of Sympathisers with inverted +shirt-collars, and got made a lion of; I might have distinguished +myself, and earned some credit. As it is, the great object of my +voyage is knocked on the head. So it would be, wherever I went. +How do you feel to-night, sir?' + +'Worse than ever,' said poor Martin. + +'That's something,' returned Mark, 'but not enough. Nothing but +being very bad myself, and jolly to the last, will ever do me +justice.' + +'In Heaven's name, don't talk of that,' said Martin with a thrill +of terror. 'What should I do, Mark, if you were taken ill!' + +Mr Tapley's spirits appeared to be stimulated by this remark, +although it was not a very flattering one. He proceeded with his +washing in a brighter mood; and observed 'that his glass was +arising.' + +'There's one good thing in this place, sir,' said Mr Tapley, +scrubbing away at the linen, 'as disposes me to be jolly; and that +is that it's a reg'lar little United States in itself. There's two +or three American settlers left; and they coolly comes over one, +even here, sir, as if it was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in +the world. But they're like the cock that went and hid himself to +save his life, and was found out by the noise he made. They can't +help crowing. They was born to do it, and do it they must, whatever +comes of it.' + +Glancing from his work out at the door as he said these words, +Mark's eyes encountered a lean person in a blue frock and a straw +hat, with a short black pipe in his mouth, and a great hickory stick +studded all over with knots, in his hand; who smoking and chewing as +he came along, and spitting frequently, recorded his progress by a +train of decomposed tobacco on the ground. + +'Here's one on 'em,' cried Mark, 'Hannibal Chollop.' + +'Don't let him in,' said Martin, feebly. + +'He won't want any letting in,' replied Mark. 'He'll come in, sir.' +Which turned out to be quite true, for he did. His face was almost +as hard and knobby as his stick; and so were his hands. His head +was like an old black hearth-broom. He sat down on the chest with +his hat on; and crossing his legs and looking up at Mark, said, +without removing his pipe: + +'Well, Mr Co.! and how do you git along, sir?' + +It may be necessary to observe that Mr Tapley had gravely introduced +himself to all strangers, by that name. + +'Pretty well, sir; pretty well,' said Mark. + +'If this ain't Mr Chuzzlewit, ain't it!' exclaimed the visitor 'How +do YOU git along, sir?' + +Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket over it involuntarily; +for he felt that Hannibal was going to spit; and his eye, as the +song says, was upon him. + +'You need not regard me, sir,' observed Mr Chollop, complacently. +'I am fever-proof, and likewise agur.' + +'Mine was a more selfish motive,' said Martin, looking out again. +'I was afraid you were going to--' + +'I can calc'late my distance, sir,' returned Mr Chollop, 'to an +inch.' + +With a proof of which happy faculty he immediately favoured him. + +'I re-quire, sir,' said Hannibal, 'two foot clear in a circ'lar di- +rection, and can engage my-self toe keep within it. I HAVE gone ten +foot, in a circ'lar di-rection, but that was for a wager.' + +'I hope you won it, sir,' said Mark. + +'Well, sir, I realised the stakes,' said Chollop. 'Yes, sir.' + +He was silent for a time, during which he was actively engaged in +the formation of a magic circle round the chest on which he sat. +When it was completed, he began to talk again. + +'How do you like our country, sir?' he inquired, looking at Martin. + +'Not at all,' was the invalid's reply. + +Chollop continued to smoke without the least appearance of emotion, +until he felt disposed to speak again. That time at length +arriving, he took his pipe from his mouth, and said: + +'I am not surprised to hear you say so. It re-quires An elevation, +and A preparation of the intellect. The mind of man must be +prepared for Freedom, Mr Co.' + +He addressed himself to Mark; because he saw that Martin, who wished +him to go, being already half-mad with feverish irritation, which +the droning voice of this new horror rendered almost insupportable, +had closed his eyes, and turned on his uneasy bed. + +'A little bodily preparation wouldn't be amiss, either, would it, +sir,' said Mark, 'in the case of a blessed old swamp like this?' + +'Do you con-sider this a swamp, sir?' inquired Chollop gravely. + +'Why yes, sir,' returned Mark. 'I haven't a doubt about it myself.' + +'The sentiment is quite Europian,' said the major, 'and does not +surprise me; what would your English millions say to such a swamp in +England, sir?' + +'They'd say it was an uncommon nasty one, I should think, said Mark; +'and that they would rather be inoculated for fever in some other +way.' + +'Europian!' remarked Chollop, with sardonic pity. 'Quite Europian!' + +And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the house were his; +smoking away like a factory chimney. + +Mr Chollop was, of course, one of the most remarkable men in the +country; but he really was a notorious person besides. He was +usually described by his friends, in the South and West, as 'a +splendid sample of our na-tive raw material, sir,' and was much +esteemed for his devotion to rational Liberty; for the better +propagation whereof he usually carried a brace of revolving pistols +in his coat pocket, with seven barrels a-piece. He also carried, +amongst other trinkets, a sword-stick, which he called his +'Tickler.' and a great knife, which (for he was a man of a pleasant +turn of humour) he called 'Ripper,' in allusion to its usefulness as +a means of ventilating the stomach of any adversary in a close +contest. He had used these weapons with distinguished effect in +several instances, all duly chronicled in the newspapers; and was +greatly beloved for the gallant manner in which he had 'jobbed out' +the eye of one gentleman, as he was in the act of knocking at his +own street-door. + +Mr Chollop was a man of a roving disposition; and, in any less +advanced community, might have been mistaken for a violent vagabond. +But his fine qualities being perfectly understood and appreciated in +those regions where his lot was cast, and where he had many kindred +spirits to consort with, he may be regarded as having been born +under a fortunate star, which is not always the case with a man so +much before the age in which he lives. Preferring, with a view to +the gratification of his tickling and ripping fancies, to dwell upon +the outskirts of society, and in the more remote towns and cities, +he was in the habit of emigrating from place to place, and +establishing in each some business--usually a newspaper--which he +presently sold; for the most part closing the bargain by challenging, +stabbing, pistolling, or gouging the new editor, before he had quite +taken possession of the property. + +He had come to Eden on a speculation of this kind, but had abandoned +it, and was about to leave. He always introduced himself to +strangers as a worshipper of Freedom; was the consistent advocate of +Lynch law, and slavery; and invariably recommended, both in print +and speech, the 'tarring and feathering' of any unpopular person who +differed from himself. He called this 'planting the standard of +civilization in the wilder gardens of My country.' + +There is little doubt that Chollop would have planted this standard +in Eden at Mark's expense, in return for his plainness of speech +(for the genuine Freedom is dumb, save when she vaunts herself), but +for the utter desolation and decay prevailing in the settlement, and +his own approaching departure from it. As it was, he contented +himself with showing Mark one of the revolving-pistols, and asking +him what he thought of that weapon. + +'It ain't long since I shot a man down with that, sir, in the State +of IllinOY,' observed Chollop. + +'Did you, indeed!' said Mark, without the smallest agitation. 'Very +free of you. And very independent!' + +'I shot him down, sir,' pursued Chollop, 'for asserting in the +Spartan Portico, a tri-weekly journal, that the ancient Athenians +went a-head of the present Locofoco Ticket.' + +'And what's that?' asked Mark. + +'Europian not to know,' said Chollop, smoking placidly. 'Europian +quite!' + +After a short devotion to the interests of the magic circle, he +resumed the conversation by observing: + +'You won't half feel yourself at home in Eden, now?' + +'No,' said Mark, 'I don't.' + +'You miss the imposts of your country. You miss the house dues?' +observed Chollop. + +'And the houses--rather,' said Mark. + +'No window dues here, sir,' observed Chollop. + +'And no windows to put 'em on,' said Mark. + +'No stakes, no dungeons, no blocks, no racks, no scaffolds, no +thumbscrews, no pikes, no pillories,' said Chollop. + +'Nothing but rewolwers and bowie-knives,' returned Mark. 'And what +are they? Not worth mentioning!' + +The man who had met them on the night of their arrival came crawling +up at this juncture, and looked in at the door. + +'Well, sir,' said Chollop. 'How do YOU git along?' + +He had considerable difficulty in getting along at all, and said as +much in reply. + +'Mr Co. And me, sir,' observed Chollop, 'are disputating a piece. +He ought to be slicked up pretty smart to disputate between the Old +World and the New, I do expect?' + +'Well!' returned the miserable shadow. 'So he had.' + +'I was merely observing, sir,' said Mark, addressing this new +visitor, 'that I looked upon the city in which we have the honour to +live, as being swampy. What's your sentiments?' + +'I opinionate it's moist perhaps, at certain times,' returned the +man. + +'But not as moist as England, sir?' cried Chollop, with a fierce +expression in his face. + +'Oh! Not as moist as England; let alone its Institutions,' said the +man. + +'I should hope there ain't a swamp in all Americay, as don't whip +THAT small island into mush and molasses,' observed Chollop, +decisively. 'You bought slick, straight, and right away, of +Scadder, sir?' to Mark. + +He answered in the affirmative. Mr Chollop winked at the other +citizen. + +'Scadder is a smart man, sir? He is a rising man? He is a man as +will come up'ards, right side up, sir?' Mr Chollop winked again at +the other citizen. + +'He should have his right side very high up, if I had my way,' said +Mark. 'As high up as the top of a good tall gallows, perhaps.' + +Mr Chollop was so delighted at the smartness of his excellent +countryman having been too much for the Britisher, and at the +Britisher's resenting it, that he could contain himself no longer, +and broke forth in a shout of delight. But the strangest exposition +of this ruling passion was in the other--the pestilence-stricken, +broken, miserable shadow of a man--who derived so much entertainment +from the circumstance that he seemed to forget his own ruin in +thinking of it, and laughed outright when he said 'that Scadder was +a smart man, and had draw'd a lot of British capital that way, as +sure as sun-up.' + +After a full enjoyment of this joke, Mr Hannibal Chollop sat smoking +and improving the circle, without making any attempts either to +converse or to take leave; apparently labouring under the not +uncommon delusion that for a free and enlightened citizen of the +United States to convert another man's house into a spittoon for two +or three hours together, was a delicate attention, full of interest +and politeness, of which nobody could ever tire. At last he rose. + +'I am a-going easy,' he observed. + +Mark entreated him to take particular care of himself. + +'Afore I go,' he said sternly, 'I have got a leetle word to say to +you. You are darnation 'cute, you are.' + +Mark thanked him for the compliment. + +'But you are much too 'cute to last. I can't con-ceive of any +spotted Painter in the bush, as ever was so riddled through and +through as you will be, I bet.' + +'What for?' asked Mark. + +'We must be cracked up, sir,' retorted Chollop, in a tone of menace. +'You are not now in A despotic land. We are a model to the airth, +and must be jist cracked-up, I tell you.' + +'What! I speak too free, do I?' cried Mark. + +'I have draw'd upon A man, and fired upon A man for less,' said +Chollop, frowning. 'I have know'd strong men obleeged to make +themselves uncommon skase for less. I have know'd men Lynched for +less, and beaten into punkin'-sarse for less, by an enlightened +people. We are the intellect and virtue of the airth, the cream of +human natur', and the flower Of moral force. Our backs is easy ris. +We must be cracked-up, or they rises, and we snarls. We shows our +teeth, I tell you, fierce. You'd better crack us up, you had!' + +After the delivery of this caution, Mr Chollop departed; with +Ripper, Tickler, and the revolvers, all ready for action on the +shortest notice. + +'Come out from under the blanket, sir,' said Mark, 'he's gone. +What's this!' he added softly; kneeling down to look into his +partner's face, and taking his hot hand. 'What's come of all that +chattering and swaggering? He's wandering in his mind to-night, and +don't know me!' + +Martin indeed was dangerously ill; very near his death. He lay in +that state many days, during which time Mark's poor friends, +regardless of themselves, attended him. Mark, fatigued in mind and +body; working all the day and sitting up at night; worn with hard +living and the unaccustomed toil of his new life; surrounded by +dismal and discouraging circumstances of every kind; never +complained or yielded in the least degree. If ever he had thought +Martin selfish or inconsiderate, or had deemed him energetic only by +fits and starts, and then too passive for their desperate fortunes, +he now forgot it all. He remembered nothing but the better +qualities of his fellow-wanderer, and was devoted to him, heart and +hand. + +Many weeks elapsed before Martin was strong enough to move about +with the help of a stick and Mark's arm; and even then his recovery, +for want of wholesome air and proper nourishment, was very slow. He +was yet in a feeble and weak condition, when the misfourtune he had +so much dreaded fell upon them. Mark was taken ill. + +Mark fought against it; but the malady fought harder, and his +efforts were in vain. + +'Floored for the present, sir,' he said one morning, sinking back +upon his bed; 'but jolly!' + +Floored indeed, and by a heavy blow! As any one but Martin might +have known beforehand. + +If Mark's friends had been kind to Martin (and they had been very), +they were twenty times kinder to Mark. And now it was Martin's turn +to work, and sit beside the bed and watch, and listen through the +long, long nights, to every sound in the gloomy wilderness; and hear +poor Mr Tapley, in his wandering fancy, playing at skittles in the +Dragon, making love-remonstrances to Mrs Lupin, getting his sea-legs +on board the Screw, travelling with old Tom Pinch on English roads, +and burning stumps of trees in Eden, all at once. + +But whenever Martin gave him drink or medicine, or tended him in any +way, or came into the house returning from some drudgery without, +the patient Mr Tapley brightened up and cried: 'I'm jolly, sir; 'I'm +jolly!' + +Now, when Martin began to think of this, and to look at Mark as he +lay there; never reproaching him by so much as an expression of +regret; never murmuring; always striving to be manful and staunch; +he began to think, how was it that this man who had had so few +advantages, was so much better than he who had had so many? And +attendance upon a sick bed, but especially the sick bed of one whom +we have been accustomed to see in full activity and vigour, being a +great breeder of reflection, he began to ask himself in what they +differed. + +He was assisted in coming to a conclusion on this head by the +frequent presence of Mark's friend, their fellow-passenger across +the ocean, which suggested to him that in regard to having aided +her, for example, they had differed very much. Somehow he coupled +Tom Pinch with this train of reflection; and thinking that Tom would +be very likely to have struck up the same sort of acquaintance under +similar circumstances, began to think in what respects two people so +extremely different were like each other, and were unlike him. At +first sight there was nothing very distressing in these meditations, +but they did undoubtedly distress him for all that. + +Martin's nature was a frank and generous one; but he had been bred +up in his grandfather's house; and it will usually be found that the +meaner domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own +antagonists. Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, +cunning, stealth, and covetous propensities. Martin had +unconsciously reasoned as a child, 'My guardian takes so much +thought of himself, that unless I do the like by MYself, I shall be +forgotten.' So he had grown selfish. + +But he had never known it. If any one had taxed him with the vice, +he would have indignantly repelled the accusation, and conceived +himself unworthily aspersed. He never would have known it, but that +being newly risen from a bed of dangerous sickness, to watch by such +another couch, he felt how nearly Self had dropped into the grave, +and what a poor dependent, miserable thing it was. + +It was natural for him to reflect--he had months to do it in--upon +his own escape, and Mark's extremity. This led him to consider +which of them could be the better spared, and why? Then the curtain +slowly rose a very little way; and Self, Self, Self, was shown +below. + +He asked himself, besides, when dreading Mark's decease (as all men +do and must, at such a time), whether he had done his duty by him, +and had deserved and made a good response to his fidelity and zeal. +No. Short as their companionship had been, he felt in many, many +instances, that there was blame against himself; and still inquiring +why, the curtain slowly rose a little more, and Self, Self, Self, +dilated on the scene. + +It was long before he fixed the knowledge of himself so firmly in +his mind that he could thoroughly discern the truth; but in the +hideous solitude of that most hideous place, with Hope so far +removed, Ambition quenched, and Death beside him rattling at the +very door, reflection came, as in a plague-beleaguered town; and so +he felt and knew the failing of his life, and saw distinctly what an +ugly spot it was. + +Eden was a hard school to learn so hard a lesson in; but there were +teachers in the swamp and thicket, and the pestilential air, who had +a searching method of their own. + +He made a solemn resolution that when his strength returned he would +not dispute the point or resist the conviction, but would look upon +it as an established fact, that selfishness was in his breast, and +must be rooted out. He was so doubtful (and with justice) of his +own character, that he determined not to say one word of vain regret +or good resolve to Mark, but steadily to keep his purpose before his +own eyes solely; and there was not a jot of pride in this; nothing +but humility and steadfastness; the best armour he could wear. So +low had Eden brought him down. So high had Eden raised him up. + +After a long and lingering illness (in certain forlorn stages of +which, when too far gone to speak, he had feebly written 'jolly!' on +a slate), Mark showed some symptoms of returning health. They came +and went, and flickered for a time; but he began to mend at last +decidedly; and after that continued to improve from day to day. + +As soon as he was well enough to talk without fatigue, Martin +consulted him upon a project he had in his mind, and which a few +months back he would have carried into execution without troubling +anybody's head but his own. + +'Ours is a desperate case,' said Martin. 'Plainly. The place is +deserted; its failure must have become known; and selling what we +have bought to any one, for anything, is hopeless, even if it were +honest. We left home on a mad enterprise, and have failed. The +only hope left us, the only one end for which we have now to try, is +to quit this settlement for ever, and get back to England. Anyhow! +by any means! only to get back there, Mark.' + +'That's all, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, with a significant stress +upon the words; 'only that!' + +'Now, upon this side of the water,' said Martin, 'we have but one +friend who can help us, and that is Mr Bevan.' + +'I thought of him when you was ill,' said Mark. + +'But for the time that would be lost, I would even write to my +grandfather,' Martin went on to say, 'and implore him for money to +free us from this trap into which we were so cruelly decoyed. Shall +I try Mr Bevan first?' + +'He's a very pleasant sort of a gentleman,' said Mark. 'I think +so.' + +'The few goods we brought here, and in which we spent our money, +would produce something if sold,' resumed Martin; 'and whatever they +realise shall be paid him instantly. But they can't be sold here.' + +'There's nobody but corpses to buy 'em,' said Mr Tapley, shaking his +head with a rueful air, 'and pigs.' + +'Shall I tell him so, and only ask him for money enough to enable us +by the cheapest means to reach New York, or any port from which we +may hope to get a passage home, by serving in any capacity? +Explaining to him at the same time how I am connected, and that I +will endeavour to repay him, even through my grandfather, +immediately on our arrival in England?' + +'Why to be sure,' said Mark: 'he can only say no, and he may say +yes. If you don't mind trying him, sir--' + +'Mind!' exclaimed Martin. 'I am to blame for coming here, and I +would do anything to get away. I grieve to think of the past. If I +had taken your opinion sooner, Mark, we never should have been here, +I am certain.' + +Mr Tapley was very much surprised at this admission, but protested, +with great vehemence, that they would have been there all the same; +and that he had set his heart upon coming to Eden, from the first +word he had ever heard of it. + +Martin then read him a letter to Mr Bevan, which he had already +prepared. It was frankly and ingenuously written, and described +their situation without the least concealment; plainly stated the +miseries they had undergone; and preferred their request in modest +but straightforward terms. Mark highly commended it; and they +determined to dispatch it by the next steamboat going the right way, +that might call to take in wood at Eden--where there was plenty of +wood to spare. Not knowing how to address Mr Bevan at his own place +of abode, Martin superscribed it to the care of the memorable Mr +Norris of New York, and wrote upon the cover an entreaty that it +might be forwarded without delay. + +More than a week elapsed before a boat appeared; but at length they +were awakened very early one morning by the high-pressure snorting +of the 'Esau Slodge;' named after one of the most remarkable men in +the country, who had been very eminent somewhere. Hurrying down to +the landing-place, they got it safe on board; and waiting anxiously +to see the boat depart, stopped up the gangway; an instance of +neglect which caused the 'Capting' of the Esau Slodge to 'wish he +might be sifted fine as flour, and whittled small as chips; that if +they didn't come off that there fixing right smart too, he'd spill +'em in the drink;' whereby the Capting metaphorically said he'd +throw them in the river. + +They were not likely to receive an answer for eight or ten weeks at +the earliest. In the meantime they devoted such strength as they +had to the attempted improvement of their land; to clearing some of +it, and preparing it for useful purposes. Monstrously defective as +their farming was, still it was better than their neighbours'; for +Mark had some practical knowledge of such matters, and Martin +learned of him; whereas the other settlers who remained upon the +putrid swamp (a mere handful, and those withered by disease), +appeared to have wandered there with the idea that husbandry was the +natural gift of all mankind. They helped each other after their own +manner in these struggles, and in all others; but they worked as +hopelessly and sadly as a gang of convicts in a penal settlement. + +Often at night when Mark and Martin were alone, and lying down to +sleep, they spoke of home, familiar places, houses, roads, and +people whom they knew; sometimes in the lively hope of seeing them +again, and sometimes with a sorrowful tranquillity, as if that hope +were dead. It was a source of great amazement to Mark Tapley to +find, pervading all these conversations, a singular alteration in +Martin. + +'I don't know what to make of him,' he thought one night, 'he ain't +what I supposed. He don't think of himself half as much. I'll try +him again. Asleep, sir?' + +'No, Mark.' + +'Thinking of home, sir?' + +'Yes, Mark.' + +'So was I, sir. I was wondering how Mr Pinch and Mr Pecksniff gets +on now.' + +'Poor Tom!' said Martin, thoughtfully. + +'Weak-minded man, sir,' observed Mr Tapley. 'Plays the organ for +nothing, sir. Takes no care of himself?' + +'I wish he took a little more, indeed,' said Martin. 'Though I +don't know why I should. We shouldn't like him half as well, +perhaps.' + +'He gets put upon, sir,' hinted Mark. + +'Yes!' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I know that, Mark.' + +He spoke so regretfully that his partner abandoned the theme, and +was silent for a short time until he had thought of another. + +'Ah, sir!' said Mark, with a sigh. 'Dear me! You've ventured a good +deal for a young lady's love!' + +'I tell you what. I'm not so sure of that, Mark,' was the reply; so +hastily and energetically spoken, that Martin sat up in his bed to +give it. 'I begin to be far from clear upon it. You may depend +upon it she is very unhappy. She has sacrificed her peace of mind; +she has endangered her interests very much; she can't run away from +those who are jealous of her, and opposed to her, as I have done. +She has to endure, Mark; to endure without the possibility of +action, poor girl! I begin to think that she has more to bear than +ever I had. Upon my soul I do!' + +Mr Tapley opened his eyes wide in the dark; but did not interrupt. + +'And I'll tell you a secret, Mark,' said Martin, 'since we ARE upon +this subject. That ring--' + +'Which ring, sir?' Mark inquired, opening his eyes still wider. + +'That ring she gave me when we parted, Mark. She bought it; bought +it; knowing I was poor and proud (Heaven help me! Proud!) and wanted +money.' + +'Who says so, sir?' asked Mark. + +'I say so. I know it. I thought of it, my good fellow, hundreds of +times, while you were lying ill. And like a beast, I took it from +her hand, and wore it on my own, and never dreamed of this even at +the moment when I parted with it, when some faint glimmering of the +truth might surely have possessed me! But it's late,' said Martin, +checking himself, 'and you are weak and tired, I know. You only +talk to cheer me up. Good night! God bless you, Mark!' + +'God bless you, sir! But I'm reg'larly defrauded,' thought Mr +Tapley, turning round with a happy face. 'It's a swindle. I never +entered for this sort of service. There'll be no credit in being +jolly with HIM!' + +The time wore on, and other steamboats coming from the point on +which their hopes were fixed, arrived to take in wood; but still no +answer to the letter. Rain, heat, foul slime, and noxious vapour, +with all the ills and filthy things they bred, prevailed. The +earth, the air, the vegetation, and the water that they drank, all +teemed with deadly properties. Their fellow-passenger had lost two +children long before; and buried now her last. Such things are much +too common to be widely known or cared for. Smart citizens grow +rich, and friendless victims smart and die, and are forgotten. That +is all. + +At last a boat came panting up the ugly river, and stopped at Eden. +Mark was waiting at the wood hut when it came, and had a letter +handed to him from on board. He bore it off to Martin. They looked +at one another, trembling. + +'It feels heavy,' faltered Martin. And opening it a little roll of +dollar-notes fell out upon the ground. + +What either of them said, or did, or felt, at first, neither of them +knew. All Mark could ever tell was, that he was at the river's bank +again out of breath, before the boat had gone, inquiring when it +would retrace its track and put in there. + +The answer was, in ten or twelve days; notwithstanding which they +began to get their goods together and to tie them up that very +night. When this stage of excitement was passed, each of them +believed (they found this out, in talking of it afterwards) that he +would surely die before the boat returned. + +They lived, however, and it came, after the lapse of three long +crawling weeks. At sunrise, on an autumn day, they stood upon her +deck. + +'Courage! We shall meet again!' cried Martin, waving his hand to two +thin figures on the bank. 'In the Old World!' + +'Or in the next one,' added Mark below his breath. 'To see them +standing side by side, so quiet, is a'most the worst of all!' + +They looked at one another as the vessel moved away, and then looked +backward at the spot from which it hurried fast. The log-house, with +the open door, and drooping trees about it; the stagnant morning +mist, and red sun, dimly seen beyond; the vapour rising up from land +and river; the quick stream making the loathsome banks it washed +more flat and dull; how often they returned in dreams! How often it +was happiness to wake and find them Shadows that had vanished! + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR + +IN WHICH THE TRAVELLERS MOVE HOMEWARD, AND ENCOUNTER SOME +DISTINGUISHED CHARACTERS UPON THE WAY + + +Among the passengers on board the steamboat, there was a faint +gentleman sitting on a low camp-stool, with his legs on a high +barrel of flour, as if he were looking at the prospect with his +ankles, who attracted their attention speedily. + +He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and +hanging down upon his coat; a little fringe of hair upon his chin; +wore no neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves +and short in the legs; soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His +complexion, naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too strict an +economy of soap and water; and the same observation will apply to +the washable part of his attire, which he might have changed with +comfort to himself and gratification to his friends. He was about +five and thirty; was crushed and jammed up in a heap, under the +shade of a large green cotton umbrella; and ruminated over his +tobacco-plug like a cow. + +He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every +gentleman on board appeared to have had a difference with his +laundress and to have left off washing himself in early youth. +Every gentleman, too, was perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, +and was dislocated in the greater part of his joints. But about +this gentleman there was a peculiar air of sagacity and wisdom, +which convinced Martin that he was no common character; and this +turned out to be the case. + +'How do you do sir?' said a voice in Martin's ear + +'How do you do sir?' said Martin. + +It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpet-cap on, +and a long loose coat of green baize, ornamented about the pockets +with black velvet. + +'You air from Europe, sir?' + +'I am,' said Martin. + +'You air fortunate, sir.' + +Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and +he attached different meanings to this remark. + +'You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our +Elijah Pogram, sir.' + +'Your Elijahpogram!' said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and +a building of some sort. + +'Yes sir.' + +Martin tried to look as if he understood him, but he couldn't make +it out. + +'Yes, sir,' repeated the gentleman. 'our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at +this minute, identically settin' by the en-gine biler.' + +The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his +eyebrow, as if he were revolving schemes of state. + +'That is Elijah Pogram, is it?' said Martin. + +'Yes, sir,' replied the other. 'That is Elijah Pogram.' + +'Dear me!' said Martin. 'I am astonished.' But he had not the least +idea who this Elijah Pogram was; having never heard the name in all +his life. + +'If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,' said his new +acquaintance, 'and Toe bust now, this would be a festival day in the +calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin', sir, in its effects +upon the human race, our Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is +the Honourable Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the master- +minds of our country, sir. There is a brow, sir, there!' + +'Quite remarkable,' said Martin. + +'Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed, +when he made the celebrated Pogram statter in marble, which rose so +much con-test and preju-dice in Europe, that the brow was more than +mortal. This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a +pre-diction, cruel smart.' + +'What is the Pogram Defiance?' asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it +was the sign of a public-house. + +'An o-ration, sir,' returned his friend. + +'Oh! to be sure,' cried Martin. 'What am I thinking of! It +defied--' + +'It defied the world, sir,' said the other, gravely. 'Defied the +world in general to com-pete with our country upon any hook; and +devellop'd our internal resources for making war upon the universal +airth. You would like to know Elijah Pogram, sir?' + +'If you please,' said Martin. + +'Mr Pogram,' said the stranger--Mr Pogram having overheard every +word of the dialogue--'this is a gentleman from Europe, sir; from +England, sir. But gen'rous ene-mies may meet upon the neutral sile +of private life, I think.' + +The languid Mr Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clock-work +figure that was just running down. But he made amends by chewing +like one that was just wound up. + +'Mr Pogram,' said the introducer, 'is a public servant, sir. When +Congress is recessed, he makes himself acquainted with those free +United States, of which he is the gifted son.' + +It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had +stayed at home, and sent his shoes upon a tour, they would have +answered the same purpose; for they were the only part of him in a +situation to see anything. + +In course of time, however, Mr Pogram rose; and having ejected +certain plugging consequences which would have impeded his +articulation, took up a position where there was something to lean +against, and began to talk to Martin; shading himself with the green +umbrella all the time. + +As he began with the words, 'How do you like--?' Martin took him up +and said: + +'The country, I presume?' + +'Yes, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round +to hear what followed; and Martin heard his friend say, as he +whispered to another friend, and rubbed his hands, 'Pogram will +smash him into sky-blue fits, I know!' + +'Why,' said Martin, after a moment's hesitation, 'I have learned by +experience, that you take an unfair advantage of a stranger, when +you ask that question. You don't mean it to be answered, except in +one way. Now, I don't choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot +honestly answer it in that way. And therefore, I would rather not +answer it at all.' + +But Mr Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session +about foreign relations, and was going to write strong articles on +the subject; and as he greatly favoured the free and independent +custom (a very harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information +of any sort in any kind of confidence, and afterwards perverting it +publicly in any manner that happened to suit him, he had determined +to get at Martin's opinions somehow or other. For if he could have +got nothing out of him, he would have had to invent it for him, and +that would have been laborious. He made a mental note of his +answer, and went in again. + +'You are from Eden, sir? How did you like Eden?' + +Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty +strong terms. + +'It is strange,' said Pogram, looking round upon the group, 'this +hatred of our country, and her Institutions! This national antipathy +is deeply rooted in the British mind!' + +'Good Heaven, sir,' cried Martin. 'Is the Eden Land Corporation, +with Mr Scadder at its head, and all the misery it has worked, at +its door, an Institution of America? A part of any form of +government that ever was known or heard of?' + +'I con-sider the cause of this to be,' said Pogram, looking round +again and taking himself up where Martin had interrupted him, +'partly jealousy and pre-judice, and partly the nat'ral unfitness of +the British people to appreciate the ex-alted Institutions of our +native land. I expect, sir,' turning to Martin again, 'that a +gentleman named Chollop happened in upon you during your lo-cation +in the town of Eden?' + +'Yes,' answered Martin; 'but my friend can answer this better than I +can, for I was very ill at the time. Mark! The gentleman is +speaking of Mr Chollop.' + +'Oh. Yes, sir. Yes. I see him,' observed Mark. + +'A splendid example of our na-tive raw material, sir?' said Pogram, +interrogatively. + +'Indeed, sir!' cried Mark. + +The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he +would have said, 'Observe this! See what follows!' and they rendered +tribute to the Pogram genius by a gentle murmur. + +'Our fellow-countryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur's +mould!' said Pogram, with enthusiasm. 'He is a true-born child of +this free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; +bright and flowing as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering +conventionalities as air our broad and boundless Perearers! Rough he +may be. So air our Barrs. Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. +But he is a child of Natur', and a child of Freedom; and his +boastful answer to the Despot and the Tyrant is, that his bright +home is in the Settin Sun.' + +Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, +who, being a public defaulter not very long before (a character not +at all uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on +whose behalf Mr Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last +sentence from his seat in Congress, at the head of an unpopular +President. It told brilliantly; for the bystanders were delighted, +and one of them said to Martin, 'that he guessed he had now seen +something of the eloquential aspect of our country, and was chawed +up pritty small.' + +Mr Pogram waited until his hearers were calm again, before he said +to Mark: + +'You do not seem to coincide, sir?' + +'Why,' said Mark, 'I didn't like him much; and that's the truth, +sir. I thought he was a bully; and I didn't admire his carryin' +them murderous little persuaders, and being so ready to use 'em.' + +'It's singler!' said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to +look all round from under it. 'It's strange! You observe the +settled opposition to our Institutions which pervades the British +mind!' + +'What an extraordinary people you are!' cried Martin. 'Are Mr +Chollop and the class he represents, an Institution here? Are +pistols with revolving barrels, sword-sticks, bowie-knives, and such +things, Institutions on which you pride yourselves? Are bloody +duels, brutal combats, savage assaults, shooting down and stabbing +in the streets, your Institutions! Why, I shall hear next that +Dishonour and Fraud are among the Institutions of the great +republic!' + +The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram +looked round again. + +'This morbid hatred of our Institutions,' he observed, 'is quite a +study for the psychological observer. He's alludin' to Repudiation +now!' + +'Oh! you may make anything an Institution if you like,' said Martin, +laughing, 'and I confess you had me there, for you certainly have +made that one. But the greater part of these things are one +Institution with us, and we call it by the generic name of Old +Bailey!' + +The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away +into the cabin, whither the Honourable Elijah Pogram fled with such +precipitation that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so +tightly in the cabin door that it could neither be let down nor got +out. For a minute or so this accident created a perfect rebellion +among the hungry passengers behind, who, seeing the dishes, and +hearing the knives and forks at work, well knew what would happen +unless they got there instantly, and were nearly mad; while several +virtuous citizens at the table were in deadly peril of choking +themselves in their unnatural efforts to get rid of all the meat +before these others came. + +They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the +breach. The Honourable Elijah Pogram and Martin found themselves, +after a severe struggle, side by side, as they might have come +together in the pit of a London theatre; and for four whole minutes +afterwards, Pogram was snapping up great blocks of everything he +could get hold of, like a raven. When he had taken this unusually +protracted dinner, he began to talk to Martin; and begged him not to +have the least delicacy in speaking with perfect freedom to him, for +he was a calm philosopher. Which Martin was extremely glad to hear; +for he had begun to speculate on Elijah being a disciple of that +other school of republican philosophy, whose noble sentiments are +carved with knives upon a pupil's body, and written, not with pen +and ink, but tar and feathers. + +'What do you think of my countrymen who are present, sir?' inquired +Elijah Pogram. + +'Oh! very pleasant,' said Martin. + +They were a very pleasant party. No man had spoken a word; every +one had been intent, as usual, on his own private gorging; and the +greater part of the company were decidedly dirty feeders. + +The Honourable Elijah Pogram looked at Martin as if he thought 'You +don't mean that, I know!' and he was soon confirmed in this opinion. + +Sitting opposite to them was a gentleman in a high state of tobacco, +who wore quite a little beard, composed of the overflowing of that +weed, as they had dried about his mouth and chin; so common an +ornament that it would scarcely have attracted Martin's observation, +but that this good citizen, burning to assert his equality against +all comers, sucked his knife for some moments, and made a cut with +it at the butter, just as Martin was in the act of taking some. +There was a juiciness about the deed that might have sickened a +scavenger. + +When Elijah Pogram (to whom this was an every-day incident) saw that +Martin put the plate away, and took no butter, he was quite +delighted, and said, + +'Well! The morbid hatred of you British to the Institutions of our +country is as-TONishing!' + +'Upon my life!' cried Martin, in his turn. 'This is the most +wonderful community that ever existed. A man deliberately makes a +hog of himself, and THAT'S an Institution!' + +'We have no time to ac-quire forms, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. + +'Acquire!' cried Martin. 'But it's not a question of acquiring +anything. It's a question of losing the natural politeness of a +savage, and that instinctive good breeding which admonishes one man +not to offend and disgust another. Don't you think that man over +the way, for instance, naturally knows better, but considers it a +very fine and independent thing to be a brute in small matters?' + +'He is a na-tive of our country, and is nat'rally bright and spry, +of course,' said Mr Pogram. + +'Now, observe what this comes to, Mr Pogram,' pursued Martin. 'The +mass of your countrymen begin by stubbornly neglecting little social +observances, which have nothing to do with gentility, custom, usage, +government, or country, but are acts of common, decent, natural, +human politeness. You abet them in this, by resenting all attacks +upon their social offences as if they were a beautiful national +feature. From disregarding small obligations they come in regular +course to disregard great ones; and so refuse to pay their debts. +What they may do, or what they may refuse to do next, I don't know; +but any man may see if he will, that it will be something following +in natural succession, and a part of one great growth, which is +rotten at the root.' + +The mind of Mr Pogram was too philosophical to see this; so they +went on deck again, where, resuming his former post, he chewed until +he was in a lethargic state, amounting to insensibility. + +After a weary voyage of several days, they came again to that same +wharf where Mark had been so nearly left behind, on the night of +starting for Eden. Captain Kedgick, the landlord, was standing +there, and was greatly surprised to see them coming from the boat. + +'Why, what the 'tarnal!' cried the Captain. 'Well! I do admire at +this, I do!' + +'We can stay at your house until to-morrow, Captain, I suppose?' +said Martin. + +'I reckon you can stay there for a twelvemonth if you like,' +retorted Kedgick coolly. 'But our people won't best like your +coming back.' + +'Won't like it, Captain Kedgick!' said Martin. + +'They did ex-pect you was a-going to settle,' Kedgick answered, as +he shook his head. 'They've been took in, you can't deny!' + +'What do you mean?' cried Martin. + +'You didn't ought to have received 'em,' said the Captain. 'No you +didn't!' + +'My good friend,' returned Martin, 'did I want to receive them? Was +it any act of mine? Didn't you tell me they would rile up, and that +I should be flayed like a wild cat--and threaten all kinds of +vengeance, if I didn't receive them?' + +'I don't know about that,' returned the Captain. 'But when our +people's frills is out, they're starched up pretty stiff, I tell +you!' + +With that, he fell into the rear to walk with Mark, while Martin and +Elijah Pogram went on to the National. + +'We've come back alive, you see!' said Mark. + +'It ain't the thing I did expect,' the Captain grumbled. 'A man +ain't got no right to be a public man, unless he meets the public +views. Our fashionable people wouldn't have attended his le-vee, if +they had know'd it.' + +Nothing mollified the Captain, who persisted in taking it very ill +that they had not both died in Eden. The boarders at the National +felt strongly on the subject too; but it happened by good fortune +that they had not much time to think about this grievance, for it +was suddenly determined to pounce upon the Honourable Elijah Pogram, +and give HIM a le-vee forthwith. + +As the general evening meal of the house was over before the arrival +of the boat, Martin, Mark, and Pogram were taking tea and fixings at +the public table by themselves, when the deputation entered to +announce this honour; consisting of six gentlemen boarders and a +very shrill boy. + +'Sir!' said the spokesman. + +'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy. + +The spokesman thus reminded of the shrill boy's presence, introduced +him. 'Doctor Ginery Dunkle, sir. A gentleman of great poetical +elements. He has recently jined us here, sir, and is an acquisition +to us, sir, I do assure you. Yes, sir. Mr Jodd, sir. Mr Izzard, +sir. Mr Julius Bib, sir.' + +'Julius Washington Merryweather Bib,' said the gentleman himself TO +himself. + +'I beg your pardon, sir. Excuse me. Mr Julius Washington +Merryweather Bib, sir; a gentleman in the lumber line, sir, and much +esteemed. Colonel Groper, sir. Pro-fessor Piper, sir. My own name, +sir, is Oscar Buffum.' + +Each man took one slide forward as he was named; butted at the +Honourable Elijah Pogram with his head; shook hands, and slid back +again. The introductions being completed, the spokesman resumed. + +'Sir!' + +'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy. + +'Perhaps,' said the spokesman, with a hopeless look, 'you will be so +good, Dr. Ginery Dunkle, as to charge yourself with the execution +of our little office, sir?' + +As there was nothing the shrill boy desired more, he immediately +stepped forward. + +'Mr Pogram! Sir! A handful of your fellow-citizens, sir, hearing +of your arrival at the National Hotel, and feeling the patriotic +character of your public services, wish, sir, to have the +gratification of beholding you, and mixing with you, sir; and +unbending with you, sir, in those moments which--' + +'Air,' suggested Buffum. + +'Which air so peculiarly the lot, sir, of our great and happy +country.' + +'Hear!' cried Colonel Grouper, in a loud voice. 'Good! Hear him! +Good!' + +'And therefore, sir,' pursued the Doctor, 'they request; as A mark +Of their respect; the honour of your company at a little le-Vee, +sir, in the ladies' ordinary, at eight o'clock.' + +Mr Pogram bowed, and said: + +'Fellow countrymen!' + +'Good!' cried the Colonel. 'Hear, him! Good!' + +Mr Pogram bowed to the Colonel individually, and then resumed. + +'Your approbation of My labours in the common cause goes to My +heart. At all times and in all places; in the ladies' ordinary, My +friends, and in the Battle Field--' + +'Good, very good! Hear him! Hear him!' said the Colonel. + +'The name of Pogram will be proud to jine you. And may it, My +friends, be written on My tomb, "He was a member of the Congress of +our common country, and was ac-Tive in his trust."' + +'The Com-mittee, sir,' said the shrill boy, 'will wait upon you at +five minutes afore eight. I take My leave, sir!' + +Mr Pogram shook hands with him, and everybody else, once more; and +when they came back again at five minutes before eight, they said, +one by one, in a melancholy voice, 'How do you do, sir?' and shook +hands with Mr Pogram all over again, as if he had been abroad for a +twelvemonth in the meantime, and they met, now, at a funeral. + +But by this time Mr Pogram had freshened himself up, and had +composed his hair and features after the Pogram statue, so that any +one with half an eye might cry out, 'There he is! as he delivered +the Defiance!' The Committee were embellished also; and when they +entered the ladies' ordinary in a body, there was much clapping of +hands from ladies and gentlemen, accompanied by cries of 'Pogram! +Pogram!' and some standing up on chairs to see him. + +The object of the popular caress looked round the room as he walked +up it, and smiled; at the same time observing to the shrill boy, +that he knew something of the beauty of the daughters of their +common country, but had never seen it in such lustre and perfection +as at that moment. Which the shrill boy put in the paper next day; +to Elijah Pogram's great surprise. + +'We will re-quest you, sir, if you please,' said Buffum, laying +hands on Mr Pogram as if he were taking his measure for a coat, 'to +stand up with your back agin the wall right in the furthest corner, +that there may be more room for our fellow cit-izens. If you could +set your back right slap agin that curtain-peg, sir, keeping your +left leg everlastingly behind the stove, we should be fixed quite +slick.' + +Mr Pogram did as he was told, and wedged himself into such a little +corner that the Pogram statue wouldn't have known him. + +The entertainments of the evening then began. Gentlemen brought +ladies up, and brought themselves up, and brought each other up; and +asked Elijah Pogram what he thought of this political question, and +what he thought of that; and looked at him, and looked at one +another, and seemed very unhappy indeed. The ladies on the chairs +looked at Elijah Pogram through their glasses, and said audibly, 'I +wish he'd speak. Why don't he speak? Oh, do ask him to speak!' And +Elijah Pogram looked sometimes at the ladies and sometimes +elsewhere, delivering senatorial opinions, as he was asked for them. +But the great end and object of the meeting seemed to be, not to let +Elijah Pogram out of the corner on any account; so there they kept +him, hard and fast. + +A great bustle at the door, in the course of the evening, announced +the arrival of some remarkable person; and immediately afterwards an +elderly gentleman, much excited, was seen to precipitate himself +upon the crowd, and battle his way towards the Honourable Elijah +Pogram. Martin, who had found a snug place of observation in a +distant corner, where he stood with Mark beside him (for he did not +so often forget him now as formerly, though he still did sometimes), +thought he knew this gentleman, but had no doubt of it, when he +cried as loud as he could, with his eyes starting out of his head: + +'Sir, Mrs Hominy!' + +'Lord bless that woman, Mark. She has turned up again!' + +'Here she comes, sir,' answered Mr Tapley. 'Pogram knows her. A +public character! Always got her eye upon her country, sir! If that +there lady's husband is of my opinion, what a jolly old gentleman he +must be!' + +A lane was made; and Mrs Hominy, with the aristocratic stalk, the +pocket handkerchief, the clasped hands, and the classical cap, came +slowly up it, in a procession of one. Mr Pogram testified emotions +of delight on seeing her, and a general hush prevailed. For it was +known that when a woman like Mrs Hominy encountered a man like +Pogram, something interesting must be said. + +Their first salutations were exchanged in a voice too low to reach +the impatient ears of the throng; but they soon became audible, for +Mrs Hominy felt her position, and knew what was expected of her. + +Mrs H. was hard upon him at first; and put him through a rigid +catechism in reference to a certain vote he had given, which she had +found it necessary, as the mother of the modern Gracchi, to +deprecate in a line by itself, set up expressly for the purpose in +German text. But Mr Pogram evading it by a well-timed allusion to +the star-spangled banner, which, it appeared, had the remarkable +peculiarity of flouting the breeze whenever it was hoisted where the +wind blew, she forgave him. They now enlarged on certain questions +of tariff, commercial treaty, boundary, importation and exportation +with great effect. And Mrs Hominy not only talked, as the saying +is, like a book, but actually did talk her own books, word for word. + +'My! what is this!' cried Mrs Hominy, opening a little note which +was handed her by her excited gentleman-usher. 'Do tell! oh, well, +now! on'y think!' + +And then she read aloud, as follows: + +'Two literary ladies present their compliments to the mother of the +modern Gracchi, and claim her kind introduction, as their talented +countrywoman, to the honourable (and distinguished) Elijah Pogram, +whom the two L. L.'s have often contemplated in the speaking marble +of the soul-subduing Chiggle. On a verbal intimation from the +mother of the M. G., that she will comply with the request of the two +L. L.'s, they will have the immediate pleasure of joining the galaxy +assembled to do honour to the patriotic conduct of a Pogram. It may +be another bond of union between the two L. L.'s and the mother of +the M. G. to observe, that the two L. L.'s are Transcendental.' + +Mrs Hominy promptly rose, and proceeded to the door, whence she +returned, after a minute's interval, with the two L. L.'s, whom she +led, through the lane in the crowd, with all that stateliness of +deportment which was so remarkably her own, up to the great Elijah +Pogram. It was (as the shrill boy cried out in an ecstasy) quite +the Last Scene from Coriolanus. One of the L. L.'s wore a brown +wig of uncommon size. Sticking on the forehead of the other, +by invisible means, was a massive cameo, in size and shape like +the raspberry tart which is ordinarily sold for a penny, +representing on its front the Capitol at Washington. + +'Miss Toppit, and Miss Codger!' said Mrs Hominy. + +'Codger's the lady so often mentioned in the English newspapers I +should think, sir,' whispered Mark. 'The oldest inhabitant as never +remembers anything.' + +'To be presented to a Pogram,' said Miss Codger, 'by a Hominy, +indeed, a thrilling moment is it in its impressiveness on what we +call our feelings. But why we call them so, or why impressed they +are, or if impressed they are at all, or if at all we are, or if +there really is, oh gasping one! a Pogram or a Hominy, or any active +principle to which we give those titles, is a topic, Spirit +searching, light abandoned, much too vast to enter on, at this +unlooked-for crisis.' + +'Mind and matter,' said the lady in the wig, 'glide swift into the +vortex of immensity. Howls the sublime, and softly sleeps the calm +Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination. To hear it, sweet +it is. But then, outlaughs the stern philosopher, and saith to the +Grotesque, "What ho! arrest for me that Agency. Go, bring it here!" +And so the vision fadeth.' + +After this, they both took Mr Pogram by the hand, and pressed it to +their lips, as a patriotic palm. That homage paid, the mother of +the modern Gracchi called for chairs, and the three literary ladies +went to work in earnest, to bring poor Pogram out, and make him show +himself in all his brilliant colours. + +How Pogram got out of his depth instantly, and how the three L. L.'s +were never in theirs, is a piece of history not worth recording. +Suffice it, that being all four out of their depths, and all unable +to swim, they splashed up words in all directions, and floundered +about famously. On the whole, it was considered to have been the +severest mental exercise ever heard in the National Hotel. Tears +stood in the shrill boy's eyes several times; and the whole company +observed that their heads ached with the effort--as well they might. + +When it at last became necessary to release Elijah Pogram from the +corner, and the Committee saw him safely back again to the next +room, they were fervent in their admiration. + +'Which,' said Mr Buffum, 'must have vent, or it will bust. Toe you, +Mr Pogram, I am grateful. Toe-wards you, sir, I am inspired with +lofty veneration, and with deep e-mo-tion. The sentiment Toe which +I would propose to give ex-pression, sir, is this: "May you ever be +as firm, sir, as your marble statter! May it ever be as great a +terror Toe its ene-mies as you."' + +There is some reason to suppose that it was rather terrible to its +friends; being a statue of the Elevated or Goblin School, in which +the Honourable Elijah Pogram was represented as in a very high wind, +with his hair all standing on end, and his nostrils blown wide open. +But Mr Pogram thanked his friend and countryman for the aspiration +to which he had given utterance, and the Committee, after another +solemn shaking of hands, retired to bed, except the Doctor; who +immediately repaired to the newspaper-office, and there wrote a +short poem suggested by the events of the evening, beginning with +fourteen stars, and headed, 'A Fragment. Suggested by witnessing +the Honourable Elijah Pogram engaged in a philosophical disputation +with three of Columbia's fairest daughters. By Doctor Ginery +Dunkle. Of Troy.' + +If Pogram was as glad to get to bed as Martin was, he must have been +well rewarded for his labours. They started off again next day +(Martin and Mark previously disposing of their goods to the +storekeepers of whom they had purchased them, for anything they +would bring), and were fellow travellers to within a short distance +of New York. When Pogram was about to leave them he grew +thoughtful, and after pondering for some time, took Martin aside. + +'We air going to part, sir,' said Pogram. + +'Pray don't distress yourself,' said Martin; 'we must bear it.' + +'It ain't that, sir,' returned Pogram, 'not at all. But I should +wish you to accept a copy of My oration.' + +'Thank you,' said Martin, 'you are very good. I shall be most +happy.' + +'It ain't quite that, sir, neither,' resumed Pogram; 'air you bold +enough to introduce a copy into your country?' + +'Certainly,' said Martin. 'Why not?' + +'Its sentiments air strong, sir,' hinted Pogram, darkly. + +'That makes no difference,' said Martin. 'I'll take a dozen if you +like.' + +'No, sir,' retorted Pogram. 'Not A dozen. That is more than I +require. If you are content to run the hazard, sir, here is one for +your Lord Chancellor,' producing it, 'and one for Your principal +Secretary of State. I should wish them to see it, sir, as +expressing what my opinions air. That they may not plead ignorance +at a future time. But don't get into danger, sir, on my account!' + +'There is not the least danger, I assure you,' said Martin. So he +put the pamphlets in his pocket, and they parted. + +Mr Bevan had written in his letter that, at a certain time, which +fell out happily just then, he would be at a certain hotel in the +city, anxiously expecting to see them. To this place they repaired +without a moment's delay. They had the satisfaction of finding him +within; and of being received by their good friend, with his own +warmth and heartiness. + +'I am truly sorry and ashamed,' said Martin, 'to have begged of you. +But look at us. See what we are, and judge to what we are reduced!' + +'So far from claiming to have done you any service,' returned the +other, 'I reproach myself with having been, unwittingly, the +original cause of your misfortunes. I no more supposed you would go +to Eden on such representations as you received; or, indeed, that +you would do anything but be dispossessed, by the readiest means, of +your idea that fortunes were so easily made here; than I thought of +going to Eden myself.' + +'The fact is, I closed with the thing in a mad and sanguine manner,' +said Martin, 'and the less said about it the better for me. Mark, +here, hadn't a voice in the matter.' + +'Well! but he hadn't a voice in any other matter, had he?' returned +Mr Bevan; laughing with an air that showed his understanding of Mark +and Martin too. + +'Not a very powerful one, I am afraid,' said Martin with a blush. +'But live and learn, Mr Bevan! Nearly die and learn; we learn the +quicker.' + +'Now,' said their friend, 'about your plans. You mean to return +home at once?' + +'Oh, I think so,' returned Martin hastily, for he turned pale at the +thought of any other suggestion. 'That is your opinion too, I +hope?' + +'Unquestionably. For I don't know why you ever came here; though +it's not such an unusual case, I am sorry to say, that we need go +any farther into that. You don't know that the ship in which you +came over with our friend General Fladdock, is in port, of course?' + +'Indeed!' said Martin. + +'Yes. And is advertised to sail to-morrow.' + +This was tempting news, but tantalising too; for Martin knew that +his getting any employment on board a ship of that class was +hopeless. The money in his pocket would not pay one-fourth of the +sum he had already borrowed, and if it had been enough for their +passage-money, he could hardly have resolved to spend it. He +explained this to Mr Bevan, and stated what their project was. + +'Why, that's as wild as Eden every bit,' returned his friend. 'You +must take your passage like a Christian; at least, as like a +Christian as a fore-cabin passenger can; and owe me a few more +dollars than you intend. If Mark will go down to the ship and see +what passengers there are, and finds that you can go in her without +being actually suffocated, my advice is, go! You and I will look +about us in the meantime (we won't call at the Norris's unless you +like), and we will all three dine together in the afternoon.' + +Martin had nothing to express but gratitude, and so it was arranged. +But he went out of the room after Mark, and advised him to take +their passage in the Screw, though they lay upon the bare deck; +which Mr Tapley, who needed no entreaty on the subject readily +promised to do. + +When he and Martin met again, and were alone, he was in high +spirits, and evidently had something to communicate, in which he +gloried very much. + +'I've done Mr Bevan, sir,' said Mark. + +'Done Mr Bevan!' repeated Martin. + +'The cook of the Screw went and got married yesterday, sir,' said Mr +Tapley. + +Martin looked at him for farther explanation. + +'And when I got on board, and the word was passed that it was me,' +said Mark, 'the mate he comes and asks me whether I'd engage to take +this said cook's place upon the passage home. "For you're used to +it," he says; "you were always a-cooking for everybody on your +passage out." And so I was,' said Mark, 'although I never cooked +before, I'll take my oath.' + +'What did you say?' demanded Martin. + +'Say!' cried Mark. 'That I'd take anything I could get. "If that's +so," says the mate, "why, bring a glass of rum;" which they brought +according. And my wages, sir,' said Mark in high glee, 'pays your +passage; and I've put the rolling-pin in your berth to take it (it's +the easy one up in the corner); and there we are, Rule Britannia, +and Britons strike home!' + +'There never was such a good fellow as you are!' cried Martin +seizing him by the hand. 'But what do you mean by "doing" Mr Bevan, +Mark?' + +'Why, don't you see?' said Mark. 'We don't tell him, you know. We +take his money, but we don't spend it, and we don't keep it. What +we do is, write him a little note, explaining this engagement, and +roll it up, and leave it at the bar, to be given to him after we are +gone. Don't you see?' + +Martin's delight in this idea was not inferior to Mark's. It was +all done as he proposed. They passed a cheerful evening; slept at +the hotel; left the letter as arranged; and went off to the ship +betimes next morning, with such light hearts as the weight of their +past miseries engendered. + +'Good-bye! a hundred thousand times good-bye!' said Martin to their +friend. 'How shall I remember all your kindness! How shall I ever +thank you!' + +'If you ever become a rich man, or a powerful one,' returned his +friend, 'you shall try to make your Government more careful of its +subjects when they roam abroad to live. Tell it what you know of +emigration in your own case, and impress upon it how much suffering +may be prevented with a little pains!' + +Cheerily, lads, cheerily! Anchor weighed. Ship in full sail. Her +sturdy bowsprit pointing true to England. America a cloud upon the +sea behind them! + +'Why, Cook! what are you thinking of so steadily?' said Martin. + +'Why, I was a-thinking, sir,' returned Mark, 'that if I was a +painter and was called upon to paint the American Eagle, how should +I do it?' + +'Paint it as like an Eagle as you could, I suppose.' + +'No,' said Mark. 'That wouldn't do for me, sir. I should want to +draw it like a Bat, for its short-sightedness; like a Bantam, for +its bragging; like a Magpie, for its honesty; like a Peacock, for +its vanity; like a ostrich, for its putting its head in the mud, and +thinking nobody sees it--' + +'And like a Phoenix, for its power of springing from the ashes of +its faults and vices, and soaring up anew into the sky!' said +Martin. 'Well, Mark. Let us hope so.' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE + +ARRIVING IN ENGLAND, MARTIN WITNESSES A CEREMONY, FROM WHICH HE +DERIVES THE CHEERING INFORMATION THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN IN +HIS ABSENCE + + +It was mid-day, and high water in the English port for which the +Screw was bound, when, borne in gallantly upon the fullness of the +tide, she let go her anchor in the river. + +Bright as the scene was; fresh, and full of motion; airy, free, and +sparkling; it was nothing to the life and exultation in the breasts +of the two travellers, at sight of the old churches, roofs, and +darkened chimney stacks of Home. The distant roar that swelled up +hoarsely from the busy streets, was music in their ears; the lines +of people gazing from the wharves, were friends held dear; the +canopy of smoke that overhung the town was brighter and more +beautiful to them than if the richest silks of Persia had been +waving in the air. And though the water going on its glistening +track, turned, ever and again, aside to dance and sparkle round +great ships, and heave them up; and leaped from off the blades of +oars, a shower of diving diamonds; and wantoned with the idle boats, +and swiftly passed, in many a sportive chase, through obdurate old +iron rings, set deep into the stone-work of the quays; not even it +was half so buoyant, and so restless, as their fluttering hearts, +when yearning to set foot, once more, on native ground. + +A year had passed since those same spires and roofs had faded from +their eyes. It seemed to them, a dozen years. Some trifling +changes, here and there, they called to mind; and wondered that they +were so few and slight. In health and fortune, prospect and +resource, they came back poorer men than they had gone away. But it +was home. And though home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; +stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit answered to, in +strongest conjuration. + +Being set ashore, with very little money in their pockets, and no +definite plan of operation in their heads, they sought out a cheap +tavern, where they regaled upon a smoking steak, and certain flowing +mugs of beer, as only men just landed from the sea can revel in the +generous dainties of the earth. When they had feasted, as two +grateful-tempered giants might have done, they stirred the fire, +drew back the glowing curtain from the window, and making each a +sofa for himself, by union of the great unwieldy chairs, gazed +blissfully into the street. + +Even the street was made a fairy street, by being half hidden in an +atmosphere of steak, and strong, stout, stand-up English beer. For +on the window-glass hung such a mist, that Mr Tapley was obliged to +rise and wipe it with his handkerchief, before the passengers +appeared like common mortals. And even then, a spiral little cloud +went curling up from their two glasses of hot grog, which nearly hid +them from each other. + +It was one of those unaccountable little rooms which are never seen +anywhere but in a tavern, and are supposed to have got into taverns +by reason of the facilities afforded to the architect for getting +drunk while engaged in their construction. It had more corners in +it than the brain of an obstinate man; was full of mad closets, into +which nothing could be put that was not specially invented and made +for that purpose; had mysterious shelvings and bulkheads, and +indications of staircases in the ceiling; and was elaborately +provided with a bell that rung in the room itself, about two feet +from the handle, and had no connection whatever with any other part +of the establishment. It was a little below the pavement, and +abutted close upon it; so that passengers grated against the window- +panes with their buttons, and scraped it with their baskets; and +fearful boys suddenly coming between a thoughtful guest and the +light, derided him, or put out their tongues as if he were a +physician; or made white knobs on the ends of their noses by +flattening the same against the glass, and vanished awfully, like +spectres. + +Martin and Mark sat looking at the people as they passed, debating +every now and then what their first step should be. + +'We want to see Miss Mary, of course,' said Mark. + +'Of course,' said Martin. 'But I don't know where she is. Not +having had the heart to write in our distress--you yourself thought +silence most advisable--and consequently, never having heard from +her since we left New York the first time, I don't know where she +is, my good fellow.' + +'My opinion is, sir,' returned Mark, 'that what we've got to do is +to travel straight to the Dragon. There's no need for you to go +there, where you're known, unless you like. You may stop ten mile +short of it. I'll go on. Mrs Lupin will tell me all the news. Mr +Pinch will give me every information that we want; and right glad Mr +Pinch will be to do it. My proposal is: To set off walking this +afternoon. To stop when we are tired. To get a lift when we can. +To walk when we can't. To do it at once, and do it cheap.' + +'Unless we do it cheap, we shall have some difficulty in doing it at +all,' said Martin, pulling out the bank, and telling it over in his +hand. + +'The greater reason for losing no time, sir,' replied Mark. +'Whereas, when you've seen the young lady; and know what state of +mind the old gentleman's in, and all about it; then you'll know what +to do next.' + +'No doubt,' said Martin. 'You are quite right.' + +They were raising their glasses to their lips, when their hands +stopped midway, and their gaze was arrested by a figure which +slowly, very slowly, and reflectively, passed the window at that +moment. + +Mr Pecksniff. Placid, calm, but proud. Honestly proud. Dressed +with peculiar care, smiling with even more than usual blandness, +pondering on the beauties of his art with a mild abstraction from +all sordid thoughts, and gently travelling across the disc, as if he +were a figure in a magic lantern. + +As Mr Pecksniff passed, a person coming in the opposite direction +stopped to look after him with great interest and respect, almost +with veneration; and the landlord bouncing out of the house, as if +he had seen him too, joined this person, and spoke to him, and shook +his head gravely, and looked after Mr Pecksniff likewise. + +Martin and Mark sat staring at each other, as if they could not +believe it; but there stood the landlord, and the other man still. +In spite of the indignation with which this glimpse of Mr Pecksniff +had inspired him, Martin could not help laughing heartily. Neither +could Mark. + +'We must inquire into this!' said Martin. 'Ask the landlord in, +Mark.' + +Mr Tapley retired for that purpose, and immediately returned with +their large-headed host in safe convoy. + +'Pray, landlord!' said Martin, 'who is that gentleman who passed +just now, and whom you were looking after?' + +The landlord poked the fire as if, in his desire to make the most of +his answer, he had become indifferent even to the price of coals; +and putting his hands in his pockets, said, after inflating himself +to give still further effect to his reply: + +'That, gentlemen, is the great Mr Pecksniff! The celebrated +architect, gentlemen!' + +He looked from one to the other while he said it, as if he were +ready to assist the first man who might be overcome by the +intelligence. + +'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen.' said +the landlord, 'has come down here, to help to lay the first stone of +a new and splendid public building.' + +'Is it to be built from his designs?' asked Martin. + +'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen,' +returned the landlord, who seemed to have an unspeakable delight in +the repetition of these words, 'carried off the First Premium, and +will erect the building.' + +'Who lays the stone?' asked Martin. + +'Our member has come down express,' returned the landlord. 'No +scrubs would do for no such a purpose. Nothing less would satisfy +our Directors than our member in the House of Commons, who is +returned upon the Gentlemanly Interest.' + +'Which interest is that?' asked Martin. + +'What, don't you know!' returned the landlord. + +It was quite clear the landlord didn't. They always told him at +election time, that it was the Gentlemanly side, and he immediately +put on his top-boots, and voted for it. + +'When does the ceremony take place?' asked Martin. + +'This day,' replied the landlord. Then pulling out his watch, he +added, impressively, 'almost this minute.' + +Martin hastily inquired whether there was any possibility of getting +in to witness it; and finding that there would be no objection to +the admittance of any decent person, unless indeed the ground were +full, hurried off with Mark, as hard as they could go. + +They were fortunate enough to squeeze themselves into a famous +corner on the ground, where they could see all that passed, without +much dread of being beheld by Mr Pecksniff in return. They were not +a minute too soon, for as they were in the act of congratulating +each other, a great noise was heard at some distance, and everybody +looked towards the gate. Several ladies prepared their pocket +handkerchiefs for waving; and a stray teacher belonging to the +charity school being much cheered by mistake, was immensely groaned +at when detected. + +'Perhaps he has Tom Pinch with him,' Martin whispered Mr Tapley. + +'It would be rather too much of a treat for him, wouldn't it, sir?' +whispered Mr Tapley in return. + +There was no time to discuss the probabilities either way, for the +charity school, in clean linen, came filing in two and two, so much +to the self-approval of all the people present who didn't subscribe +to it, that many of them shed tears. A band of music followed, led +by a conscientious drummer who never left off. Then came a great +many gentlemen with wands in their hands, and bows on their breasts, +whose share in the proceedings did not appear to be distinctly laid +down, and who trod upon each other, and blocked up the entry for a +considerable period. These were followed by the Mayor and +Corporation, all clustering round the member for the Gentlemanly +Interest; who had the great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect +on his right hand, and conversed with him familiarly as they came +along. Then the ladies waved their handkerchiefs, and the gentlemen +their hats, and the charity children shrieked, and the member for +the Gentlemanly Interest bowed. + +Silence being restored, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest +rubbed his hands, and wagged his head, and looked about him +pleasantly; and there was nothing this member did, at which some +lady or other did not burst into an ecstatic waving of her pocket +handkerchief. When he looked up at the stone, they said how +graceful! when he peeped into the hole, they said how condescending! +when he chatted with the Mayor, they said how easy! when he folded +his arms they cried with one accord, how statesman-like! + +Mr Pecksniff was observed too, closely. When he talked to the +Mayor, they said, Oh, really, what a courtly man he was! When he +laid his hand upon the mason's shoulder, giving him directions, how +pleasant his demeanour to the working classes; just the sort of man +who made their toil a pleasure to them, poor dear souls! + +But now a silver trowel was brought; and when the member for the +Gentlemanly Interest, tucking up his coat-sleeve, did a little +sleight of hand with the mortar, the air was rent, so loud was the +applause. The workman-like manner in which he did it was amazing. +No one could conceive where such a gentlemanly creature could have +picked the knowledge up. + +When he had made a kind of dirt-pie under the direction of the +mason, they brought a little vase containing coins, the which the +member for the Gentlemanly Interest jingled, as if he were going to +conjure. Whereat they said how droll, how cheerful, what a flow of +spirits! This put into its place, an ancient scholar read the +inscription, which was in Latin; not in English; that would never +do. It gave great satisfaction; especially every time there was a +good long substantive in the third declension, ablative case, with +an adjective to match; at which periods the assembly became very +tender, and were much affected. + +And now the stone was lowered down into its place, amidst the +shouting of the concourse. When it was firmly fixed, the member for +the Gentlemanly Interest struck upon it thrice with the handle of +the trowel, as if inquiring, with a touch of humour, whether anybody +was at home. Mr Pecksniff then unrolled his Plans (prodigious plans +they were), and people gathered round to look at and admire them. + +Martin, who had been fretting himself--quite unnecessarily, as Mark +thought--during the whole of these proceedings, could no longer +restrain his impatience; but stepping forward among several others, +looked straight over the shoulder of the unconscious Mr Pecksniff, +at the designs and plans he had unrolled. He returned to Mark, +boiling with rage. + +'Why, what's the matter, sir?' cried Mark. + +'Matter! This is MY building.' + +'Your building, sir!' said Mark. + +'My grammar-school. I invented it. I did it all. He has only put +four windows in, the villain, and spoilt it!' + +Mark could hardly believe it at first, but being assured that it was +really so, actually held him to prevent his interference foolishly, +until his temporary heat was past. In the meantime, the member +addressed the company on the gratifying deed which he had just +performed. + +He said that since he had sat in Parliament to represent the +Gentlemanly Interest of that town; and he might add, the Lady +Interest, he hoped, besides (pocket handkerchiefs); it had been his +pleasant duty to come among them, and to raise his voice on their +behalf in Another Place (pocket handkerchiefs and laughter), often. +But he had never come among them, and had never raised his voice, +with half such pure, such deep, such unalloyed delight, as now. +'The present occasion,' he said, 'will ever be memorable to me; not +only for the reasons I have assigned, but because it has afforded me +an opportunity of becoming personally known to a gentleman--' + +Here he pointed the trowel at Mr Pecksniff, who was greeted with +vociferous cheering, and laid his hand upon his heart. + +'To a gentleman who, I am happy to believe, will reap both +distinction and profit from this field; whose fame had previously +penetrated to me--as to whose ears has it not!--but whose +intellectual countenance I never had the distinguished honour to +behold until this day, and whose intellectual conversation I had +never before the improving pleasure to enjoy.' + +Everybody seemed very glad of this, and applauded more than ever. + +'But I hope my Honourable Friend,' said the Gentlemanly member--of +course he added "if he will allow me to call him so," and of course +Mr Pecksniff bowed--'will give me many opportunities of cultivating +the knowledge of him; and that I may have the extraordinary +gratification of reflecting in after-time that I laid on this day +two first stones, both belonging to structures which shall last my +life!' + +Great cheering again. All this time, Martin was cursing Mr +Pecksniff up hill and down dale. + +'My friends!' said Mr Pecksniff, in reply. 'My duty is to build, +not speak; to act, not talk; to deal with marble, stone, and brick; +not language. I am very much affected. God bless you!' + +This address, pumped out apparently from Mr Pecksniff's very heart, +brought the enthusiasm to its highest pitch. The pocket +handkerchiefs were waved again; the charity children were admonished +to grow up Pecksniffs, every boy among them; the Corporation, +gentlemen with wands, member for the Gentlemanly Interest, all +cheered for Mr Pecksniff. Three cheers for Mr Pecksniff! Three more +for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff, gentlemen, if you +please! One more, gentlemen, for Mr Pecksniff, and let it be a good +one to finish with! + +In short, Mr Pecksniff was supposed to have done a great work and +was very kindly, courteously, and generously rewarded. When the +procession moved away, and Martin and Mark were left almost alone +upon the ground, his merits and a desire to acknowledge them formed +the common topic. He was only second to the Gentlemanly member. + +'Compare the fellow's situation to-day with ours!' said Martin +bitterly. + +'Lord bless you, sir!' cried Mark, 'what's the use? Some architects +are clever at making foundations, and some architects are clever at +building on 'em when they're made. But it'll all come right in the +end, sir; it'll all come right!' + +'And in the meantime--' began Martin. + +'In the meantime, as you say, sir, we have a deal to do, and far to +go. So sharp's the word, and Jolly!' + +'You are the best master in the world, Mark,' said Martin, 'and I +will not be a bad scholar if I can help it, I am resolved! So come! +Best foot foremost, old fellow!' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX + +TOM PINCH DEPARTS TO SEEK HIS FORTUNE. WHAT HE FINDS AT STARTING + + +Oh! What a different town Salisbury was in Tom Pinch's eyes to be +sure, when the substantial Pecksniff of his heart melted away into +an idle dream! He possessed the same faith in the wonderful shops, +the same intensified appreciation of the mystery and wickedness of +the place; made the same exalted estimate of its wealth, population, +and resources; and yet it was not the old city nor anything like it. +He walked into the market while they were getting breakfast ready +for him at the Inn; and though it was the same market as of old, +crowded by the same buyers and sellers; brisk with the same +business; noisy with the same confusion of tongues and cluttering of +fowls in coops; fair with the same display of rolls of butter, newly +made, set forth in linen cloths of dazzling whiteness; green with +the same fresh show of dewy vegetables; dainty with the same array +in higglers' baskets of small shaving-glasses, laces, braces, +trouser-straps, and hardware; savoury with the same unstinted show +of delicate pigs' feet, and pies made precious by the pork that once +had walked upon them; still it was strangely changed to Tom. For, +in the centre of the market-place, he missed a statue he had set up +there as in all other places of his personal resort; and it looked +cold and bare without that ornament. + +The change lay no deeper than this, for Tom was far from being sage +enough to know, that, having been disappointed in one man, it would +have been a strictly rational and eminently wise proceeding to have +revenged himself upon mankind in general, by mistrusting them one +and all. Indeed this piece of justice, though it is upheld by the +authority of divers profound poets and honourable men, bears a +nearer resemblance to the justice of that good Vizier in the +Thousand-and-one Nights, who issues orders for the destruction of +all the Porters in Bagdad because one of that unfortunate fraternity +is supposed to have misconducted himself, than to any logical, not +to say Christian, system of conduct, known to the world in later +times. + +Tom had so long been used to steep the Pecksniff of his fancy in his +tea, and spread him out upon his toast, and take him as a relish +with his beer, that he made but a poor breakfast on the first +morning after his expulsion. Nor did he much improve his appetite +for dinner by seriously considering his own affairs, and taking +counsel thereon with his friend the organist's assistant. + +The organist's assistant gave it as his decided opinion that +whatever Tom did, he must go to London; for there was no place like +it. Which may be true in the main, though hardly, perhaps, in +itself, a sufficient reason for Tom's going there. + +But Tom had thought of London before, and had coupled with it +thoughts of his sister, and of his old friend John Westlock, whose +advice he naturally felt disposed to seek in this important crisis +of his fortunes. To London, therefore, he resolved to go; and he +went away to the coach-office at once, to secure his place. The +coach being already full, he was obliged to postpone his departure +until the next night; but even this circumstance had its bright side +as well as its dark one, for though it threatened to reduce his poor +purse with unexpected country charges, it afforded him an +opportunity of writing to Mrs Lupin and appointing his box to be +brought to the old finger-post at the old time; which would enable +him to take that treasure with him to the metropolis, and save the +expense of its carriage. 'So,' said Tom, comforting himself, 'it's +very nearly as broad as it's long.' + +And it cannot be denied that, when he had made up his mind to even +this extent, he felt an unaccustomed sense of freedom--a vague and +indistinct impression of holiday-making--which was very luxurious. +He had his moments of depression and anxiety, and they were, with +good reason, pretty numerous; but still, it was wonderfully pleasant +to reflect that he was his own master, and could plan and scheme for +himself. It was startling, thrilling, vast, difficult to +understand; it was a stupendous truth, teeming with responsibility +and self-distrust; but in spite of all his cares, it gave a curious +relish to the viands at the Inn, and interposed a dreamy haze +between him and his prospects, in which they sometimes showed to +magical advantage. + +In this unsettled state of mind, Tom went once more to bed in the +low four-poster, to the same immovable surprise of the effigies of +the former landlord and the fat ox; and in this condition, passed +the whole of the succeeding day. When the coach came round at last +with 'London' blazoned in letters of gold upon the boot, it gave Tom +such a turn, that he was half disposed to run away. But he didn't +do it; for he took his seat upon the box instead, and looking down +upon the four greys, felt as if he were another grey himself, or, at +all events, a part of the turn-out; and was quite confused by the +novelty and splendour of his situation. + +And really it might have confused a less modest man than Tom to find +himself sitting next that coachman; for of all the swells that ever +flourished a whip professionally, he might have been elected +emperor. He didn't handle his gloves like another man, but put them +on--even when he was standing on the pavement, quite detached from +the coach--as if the four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends +of the fingers. It was the same with his hat. He did things with +his hat, which nothing but an unlimited knowledge of horses and the +wildest freedom of the road, could ever have made him perfect in. +Valuable little parcels were brought to him with particular +instructions, and he pitched them into this hat, and stuck it on +again; as if the laws of gravity did not admit of such an event as +its being knocked off or blown off, and nothing like an accident +could befall it. The guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day were +written in his very whiskers. His manners were a canter; his +conversation a round trot. He was a fast coach upon a down-hill +turnpike road; he was all pace. A waggon couldn't have moved +slowly, with that guard and his key-bugle on the top of it. + +These were all foreshadowings of London, Tom thought, as he sat upon +the box, and looked about him. Such a coachman, and such a guard, +never could have existed between Salisbury and any other place. The +coach was none of your steady-going, yokel coaches, but a +swaggering, rakish, dissipated London coach; up all night, and lying +by all day, and leading a devil of a life. It cared no more for +Salisbury than if it had been a hamlet. It rattled noisily through +the best streets, defied the Cathedral, took the worst corners +sharpest, went cutting in everywhere, making everything get out of +its way; and spun along the open country-road, blowing a lively +defiance out of its key-bugle, as its last glad parting legacy. + +It was a charming evening. Mild and bright. And even with the +weight upon his mind which arose out of the immensity and +uncertainty of London, Tom could not resist the captivating sense of +rapid motion through the pleasant air. The four greys skimmed +along, as if they liked it quite as well as Tom did; the bugle was +in as high spirits as the greys; the coachman chimed in sometimes +with his voice; the wheels hummed cheerfully in unison; the brass +work on the harness was an orchestra of little bells; and thus, as +they went clinking, jingling, rattling smoothly on, the whole +concern, from the buckles of the leaders' coupling-reins to the +handle of the hind boot, was one great instrument of music. + +Yoho, past hedges, gates, and trees; past cottages and barns, and +people going home from work. Yoho, past donkey-chaises, drawn aside +into the ditch, and empty carts with rampant horses, whipped up at a +bound upon the little watercourse, and held by struggling carters +close to the five-barred gate, until the coach had passed the narrow +turning in the road. Yoho, by churches dropped down by themselves +in quiet nooks, with rustic burial-grounds about them, where the +graves are green, and daisies sleep--for it is evening--on the +bosoms of the dead. Yoho, past streams, in which the cattle cool +their feet, and where the rushes grow; past paddock-fences, farms, +and rick-yards; past last year's stacks, cut, slice by slice, away, +and showing, in the waning light, like ruined gables, old and brown. +Yoho, down the pebbly dip, and through the merry water-splash and up +at a canter to the level road again. Yoho! Yoho! + +Was the box there, when they came up to the old finger-post? The +box! Was Mrs Lupin herself? Had she turned out magnificently as a +hostess should, in her own chaise-cart, and was she sitting in a +mahogany chair, driving her own horse Dragon (who ought to have been +called Dumpling), and looking lovely? Did the stage-coach pull up +beside her, shaving her very wheel, and even while the guard helped +her man up with the trunk, did he send the glad echoes of his bugle +careering down the chimneys of the distant Pecksniff, as if the +coach expressed its exultation in the rescue of Tom Pinch? + +'This is kind indeed!' said Tom, bending down to shake hands with +her. 'I didn't mean to give you this trouble.' + +'Trouble, Mr Pinch!' cried the hostess of the Dragon. + +'Well! It's a pleasure to you, I know,' said Tom, squeezing her hand +heartily. 'Is there any news?' + +The hostess shook her head. + +'Say you saw me,' said Tom, 'and that I was very bold and cheerful, +and not a bit down-hearted; and that I entreated her to be the same, +for all is certain to come right at last. Good-bye!' + +'You'll write when you get settled, Mr Pinch?' said Mrs Lupin. + +'When I get settled!' cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his +eyes. 'Oh, yes, I'll write when I get settled. Perhaps I had +better write before, because I may find that it takes a little time +to settle myself; not having too much money, and having only one +friend. I shall give your love to the friend, by the way. You were +always great with Mr Westlock, you know. Good-bye!' + +'Good-bye!' said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long +bottle sticking out of it. 'Take this. Good-bye!' + +'Do you want me to carry it to London for you?' cried Tom. She was +already turning the chaise-cart round. + +'No, no,' said Mrs Lupin. 'It's only a little something for +refreshment on the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir. All +right! Good-bye!' + +She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and +then he was waving his hand lustily; and so was she. + +'And that's the last of the old finger-post,' thought Tom, straining +his eyes, 'where I have so often stood to see this very coach go by, +and where I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare +this coach to some great monster that appeared at certain times to +bear my friends away into the world. And now it's bearing me away, +to seek my fortune, Heaven knows where and how!' + +It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and +back to Pecksniff's as of old; and being melancholy, he looked +downwards at the basket on his knee, which he had for the moment +forgotten. + +'She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,' +thought Tom. 'Now I KNOW that she particularly told that man of +hers not to look at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a +shilling! I had it ready for him all the time, and he never once +looked towards me; whereas that man naturally, (for I know him very +well,) would have done nothing but grin and stare. Upon my word, +the kindness of people perfectly melts me.' + +Here he caught the coachman's eye. The coachman winked. +'Remarkable fine woman for her time of life,' said the coachman. + +'I quite agree with you,' returned Tom. 'So she is.' + +'Finer than many a young 'un, I mean to say,' observed the coachman. +'Eh?' + +'Than many a young one,' Tom assented. + +'I don't care for 'em myself when they're too young,' remarked the +coachman. + +This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called +upon to discuss. + +'You'll seldom find 'em possessing correct opinions about +refreshment, for instance, when they're too young, you know,' said +the coachman; 'a woman must have arrived at maturity, before her +mind's equal to coming provided with a basket like that.' + +'Perhaps you would like to know what it contains?' said Tom, +smiling. + +As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he +unpacked it, and put the articles, one by one, upon the footboard. +A cold roast fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece +of cheese, a paper of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some +butter, a screw of salt, and a bottle of old sherry. There was a +letter besides, which Tom put in his pocket. + +The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin's provident +habits, and congratulated Torn so warmly on his good fortune, that +Tom felt it necessary, for the lady's sake, to explain that the +basket was a strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented +to him in the way of friendship. When he had made the statement +with perfect gravity; for he felt it incumbent on him to disabuse +the mind of this lax rover of any incorrect impressions on the +subject; he signified that he would be happy to share the gifts with +him, and proposed that they should attack the basket in a spirit of +good fellowship at any time in the course of the night which the +coachman's experience and knowledge of the road might suggest, as +being best adapted to the purpose. From this time they chatted so +pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely more of +unicorns than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard at +the end of the next stage, 'that rum as the box-seat looked, he was +as good a one to go, in pint of conversation, as ever he'd wish to +sit by.' + +Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep +reflections of the trees, but scampering on through light and +darkness, all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, +were quite enough to travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the +village green, where cricket-players linger yet, and every little +indentation made in the fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or +player's foot, sheds out its perfume on the night. Away with four +fresh horses from the Bald-faced Stag, where topers congregate about +the door admiring; and the last team with traces hanging loose, go +roaming off towards the pond, until observed and shouted after by a +dozen throats, while volunteering boys pursue them. Now, with a +clattering of hoofs and striking out of fiery sparks, across the old +stone bridge, and down again into the shadowy road, and through the +open gate, and far away, away, into the wold. Yoho! + +Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over +to the front, along the coach-roof, guard, and make one at this +basket! Not that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather +put the bits of blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the +snack. Ah! It is long since this bottle of old wine was brought +into contact with the mellow breath of night, you may depend, and +rare good stuff it is to wet a bugler's whistle with. Only try it. +Don't be afraid of turning up your finger, Bill, another pull! Now, +take your breath, and try the bugle, Bill. There's music! There's a +tone!' over the hills and far away,' indeed. Yoho! The skittish +mare is all alive to-night. Yoho! Yoho! + +See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth +reflect the objects on its breast like water. Hedges, trees, low +cottages, church steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young +slips, have all grown vain upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate +their own fair images till morning. The poplars yonder rustle that +their quivering leaves may see themselves upon the ground. Not so +the oak; trembling does not become HIM; and he watches himself in +his stout old burly steadfastness, without the motion of a twig. +The moss-grown gate, ill-poised upon its creaking hinges, crippled +and decayed swings to and fro before its glass, like some fantastic +dowager; while our own ghostly likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! +through ditch and brake, upon the ploughed land and the smooth, +along the steep hillside and steeper wall, as if it were a phantom- +Hunter. + +Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides +it, but a light airy gauze-like mist, which in our eyes of modest +admiration gives a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as +real gauze has done ere now, and would again, so please you, though +we were the Pope. Yoho! Why now we travel like the Moon herself. +Hiding this minute in a grove of trees; next minute in a patch of +vapour; emerging now upon our broad clear course; withdrawing now, +but always dashing on, our journey is a counter-part of hers. Yoho! +A match against the Moon! + +The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. +Yoho! Two stages, and the country roads are almost changed to a +continuous street. Yoho, past market-gardens, rows of houses, +villas, crescents, terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, +carts; past early workmen, late stragglers, drunken men, and sober +carriers of loads; past brick and mortar in its every shape; and in +among the rattling pavements, where a jaunty-seat upon a coach is +not so easy to preserve! Yoho, down countless turnings, and through +countless mazy ways, until an old Innyard is gained, and Tom Pinch, +getting down quite stunned and giddy, is in London! + +'Five minutes before the time, too!' said the driver, as he received +his fee of Tom. + +'Upon my word,' said Tom, 'I should not have minded very much, if we +had been five hours after it; for at this early hour I don't know +where to go, or what to do with myself.' + +'Don't they expect you then?' inquired the driver. + +'Who?' said Tom. + +'Why them,' returned the driver. + +His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom's having +come to town to see an extensive circle of anxious relations and +friends, that it would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. +Tom did not try. He cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into +the Inn, fell fast asleep before a fire in one of the public rooms +opening from the yard. When he awoke, the people in the house were +all astir, so he washed and dressed himself; to his great +refreshment after the journey; and, it being by that time eight +o'clock, went forth at once to see his old friend John. + +John Westlock lived in Furnival's Inn, High Holborn, which was +within a quarter of an hour's walk of Tom's starting-point, but +seemed a long way off, by reason of his going two or three miles out +of the straight road to make a short cut. When at last he arrived +outside John's door, two stories up, he stood faltering with his +hand upon the knocker, and trembled from head to foot. For he was +rendered very nervous by the thought of having to relate what had +fallen out between himself and Pecksniff; and he had a misgiving +that John would exult fearfully in the disclosure. + +'But it must be made,' thought Tom, 'sooner or later; and I had +better get it over.' + +Rat tat. + +'I am afraid that's not a London knock,' thought Tom. 'It didn't +sound bold. Perhaps that's the reason why nobody answers the door.' + +It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at +the knocker; wondering whereabouts in the neighbourhood a certain +gentleman resided, who was roaring out to somebody 'Come in!' with +all his might. + +'Bless my soul!' thought Tom at last. 'Perhaps he lives here, and +is calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I open the door +from the outside, I wonder. Yes, to be sure I can.' + +To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he +did turn it the same voice came rushing out, crying 'Why don't you +come in? Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?'-- +quite violently. + +Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these +sounds proceeded, and had barely caught a glimpse of a gentleman in +a dressing-gown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put +on), sitting at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the +said gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting his tea-table, +made a plunge at Tom, and hugged him. + +'Why, Tom, my boy!' cried the gentleman. 'Tom!' + +'How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!' said Tom Pinch, shaking +both his hands, and trembling more than ever. 'How kind you are!' + +'Mr Westlock!' repeated John, 'what do you mean by that, Pinch? You +have not forgotten my Christian name, I suppose?' + +'No, John, no. I have not forgotten,' said Thomas Pinch. 'Good +gracious me, how kind you are!' + +'I never saw such a fellow in all my life!' cried John. 'What do +you mean by saying THAT over and over again? What did you expect me +to be, I wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. +How are you, my boy? I am delighted to see you!' + +'And I am delighted to see YOU,' said Tom. + +'It's mutual, of course,' returned John. 'It always was, I hope. +If I had known you had been coming, Tom, I would have had something +for breakfast. I would rather have such a surprise than the best +breakfast in the world, myself; but yours is another case, and I +have no doubt you are as hungry as a hunter. You must make out as +well as you can, Tom, and we'll recompense ourselves at dinner-time. +You take sugar, I know; I recollect the sugar at Pecksniff's. Ha, +ha, ha! How IS Pecksniff? When did you come to town? DO begin at +something or other, Tom. There are only scraps here, but they are +not at all bad. Boar's Head potted. Try it, Tom. Make a beginning +whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I am delighted to see +you.' + +While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great +commotion, John was constantly running backwards and forwards to and +from the closet, bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping +extraordinary quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French +rolls into his boots, pouring hot water over the butter, and making +a variety of similar mistakes without disconcerting himself in the +least. + +'There!' said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and +instantly starting up again to make some other addition to the +breakfast. 'Now we are as well off as we are likely to be till +dinner. And now let us have the news, Tom. Imprimis, how's +Pecksniff?' + +'I don't know how he is,' was Tom's grave answer. + +John Westlock put the teapot down, and looked at him, in +astonishment. + +'I don't know how he is,' said Thomas Pinch; 'and, saving that I +wish him no ill, I don't care. I have left him, John. I have left +him for ever.' + +'Voluntarily?' + +'Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was +mistaken in him; and I could not have remained with him under any +circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate +of his character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has +been very painful and bitter to me to find this out, I do assure +you.' + +Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in +mild and gentle deprecation of his answering with a laugh. John +Westlock would as soon have thought of striking him down upon the +floor. + +'It was all a dream of mine,' said Tom, 'and it is over. I'll tell +you how it happened, at some other time. Bear with my folly, John. +I do not, just now, like to think or speak about it.' + +'I swear to you, Tom,' returned his friend, with great earnestness +of manner, after remaining silent for a few moments, 'that when I +see, as I do now, how deeply you feel this, I don't know whether to +be glad or sorry that you have made the discovery at last. I +reproach myself with the thought that I ever jested on the subject; +I ought to have known better.' + +'My dear friend,' said Tom, extending his hand, 'it is very generous +and gallant in you to receive me and my disclosure in this spirit; +it makes me blush to think that I should have felt a moment's +uneasiness as I came along. You can't think what a weight is lifted +off my mind,' said Tom, taking up his knife and fork again, and +looking very cheerful. 'I shall punish the Boar's Head dreadfully.' + +The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to +piling up all kinds of irreconcilable and contradictory viands in +Tom's plate, and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much +the better for it Tom felt. + +'That's all right,' said John, after contemplating his visitor's +proceedings with infinite satisfaction. 'Now, about our plans. You +are going to stay with me, of course. Where's your box?' + +'It's at the Inn,' said Tom. 'I didn't intend--' + +'Never mind what you didn't intend,' John Westlock interposed. +'What you DID intend is more to the purpose. You intended, in +coming here, to ask my advice, did you not, Tom?' + +'Certainly.' + +'And to take it when I gave it to you?' + +'Yes,' rejoined Tom, smiling, 'if it were good advice, which, being +yours, I have no doubt it will be.' + +'Very well. Then don't be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, +Tom, or I shall shut up shop and dispense none of that invaluable +commodity. You are on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for +you, Tom!' + +'So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have +no doubt,' was Tom's reply. + +'Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister +this morning,' pursued his friend, 'and of course you will like to +go there alone. I'll walk part of the way with you; and see about a +little business of my own, and meet you here again in the afternoon. +Put that in your pocket, Tom. It's only the key of the door. If +you come home first you'll want it.' + +'Really,' said Tom, 'quartering one's self upon a friend in this +way--' + +'Why, there are two keys,' interposed John Westlock. 'I can't open +the door with them both at once, can I? What a ridiculous fellow +you are, Tom? Nothing particular you'd like for dinner, is there?' + +'Oh dear no,' said Tom. + +'Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of +cherry brandy, Tom?' + +'Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!' said Pinch +'there's everything in 'em!' + +'Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor +contrivances! the sort of impromptu arrangements that might have +suggested themselves to Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that's +all. What do you say? Shall we walk?' + +'By all means,' cried Tom. 'As soon as you like.' + +Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, +and put his boots on, and dressed himself; giving Tom the paper to +read in the meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he +found Tom in a brown study, with the paper in his hand. + +'Dreaming, Tom?' + +'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'No. I have been looking over the advertising +sheet, thinking there might be something in it which would be likely +to suit me. But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be +that nobody is suited. Here are all kinds of employers wanting all +sorts of servants, and all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of +employers, and they never seem to come together. Here is a +gentleman in a public office in a position of temporary difficulty, +who wants to borrow five hundred pounds; and in the very next +advertisement here is another gentleman who has got exactly that sum +to lend. But he'll never lend it to him, John, you'll find! Here is +a lady possessing a moderate independence, who wants to board and +lodge with a quiet, cheerful family; and here is a family describing +themselves in those very words, "a quiet, cheerful family," who want +exactly such a lady to come and live with them. But she'll never +go, John! Neither do any of these single gentlemen who want an airy +bedroom, with the occasional use of a parlour, ever appear to come +to terms with these other people who live in a rural situation +remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within five minutes' walk of +the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the alphabet who are +always running away from their friends and being entreated at the +tops of columns to come back, never DO come back, if we may judge +from the number of times they are asked to do it and don't. It +really seems,' said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful +sigh, 'as if people had the same gratification in printing their +complaints as in making them known by word of mouth; as if they +found it a comfort and consolation to proclaim "I want such and such +a thing, and I can't get it, and I don't expect I ever shall!"' + +John Westlock laughed at the idea, and they went out together. So +many years had passed since Tom was last in London, and he had known +so little of it then, that his interest in all he saw was very +great. He was particularly anxious, among other notorious +localities, to have those streets pointed out to him which were +appropriated to the slaughter of countrymen; and was quite +disappointed to find, after half-an-hour's walking, that he hadn't +had his pocket picked. But on John Westlock's inventing a +pickpocket for his gratification, and pointing out a highly +respectable stranger as one of that fraternity, he was much +delighted. + +His friend accompanied him to within a short distance of Camberwell +and having put him beyond the possibility of mistaking the wealthy +brass-and-copper founder's, left him to make his visit. Arriving +before the great bell-handle, Tom gave it a gentle pull. The porter +appeared. + +'Pray does Miss Pinch live here?' said Tom. + +'Miss Pinch is governess here,' replied the porter. + +At the same time he looked at Tom from head to foot, as if he would +have said, 'You are a nice man, YOU are; where did YOU come from?' + +'It's the same young lady,' said Tom. 'It's quite right. Is she at +home?' + +'I don't know, I'm sure,' rejoined the porter. + +'Do you think you could have the goodness to ascertain?' said Tom. +He had quite a delicacy in offering the suggestion, for the +possibility of such a step did not appear to present itself to the +porter's mind at all. + +The fact was that the porter in answering the gate-bell had, +according to usage, rung the house-bell (for it is as well to do +these things in the Baronial style while you are about it), and that +there the functions of his office had ceased. Being hired to open +and shut the gate, and not to explain himself to strangers, he left +this little incident to be developed by the footman with the tags, +who, at this juncture, called out from the door steps: + +'Hollo, there! wot are you up to? This way, young man!' + +'Oh!' said Tom, hurrying towards him. 'I didn't observe that there +was anybody else. Pray is Miss Pinch at home?' + +'She's IN,' replied the footman. As much as to say to Tom: 'But if +you think she has anything to do with the proprietorship of this +place you had better abandon that idea.' + +'I wish to see her, if you please,' said Tom. + +The footman, being a lively young man, happened to have his +attention caught at that moment by the flight of a pigeon, in which +he took so warm an interest that his gaze was rivetted on the bird +until it was quite out of sight. He then invited Tom to come in, +and showed him into a parlour. + +'Hany neem?' said the young man, pausing languidly at the door. + +It was a good thought; because without providing the stranger, in +case he should happen to be of a warm temper, with a sufficient +excuse for knocking him down, it implied this young man's estimate +of his quality, and relieved his breast of the oppressive burden of +rating him in secret as a nameless and obscure individual. + +'Say her brother, if you please,' said Tom. + +'Mother?' drawled the footman. + +'Brother,' repeated Tom, slightly raising his voice. 'And if you +will say, in the first instance, a gentleman, and then say her +brother, I shall be obliged to you, as she does not expect me or +know I am in London, and I do not wish to startle her.' + +The young man's interest in Tom's observations had ceased long +before this time, but he kindly waited until now; when, shutting the +door, he withdrew. + +'Dear me!' said Tom. 'This is very disrespectful and uncivil +behaviour. I hope these are new servants here, and that Ruth is +very differently treated.' + +His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of voices in the +adjoining room. They seemed to be engaged in high dispute, or in +indignant reprimand of some offender; and gathering strength +occasionally, broke out into a perfect whirlwind. It was in one of +these gusts, as it appeared to Tom, that the footman announced him; +for an abrupt and unnatural calm took place, and then a dead +silence. He was standing before the window, wondering what domestic +quarrel might have caused these sounds, and hoping Ruth had nothing +to do with it, when the door opened, and his sister ran into his +arms. + +'Why, bless my soul!' said Tom, looking at her with great pride, +when they had tenderly embraced each other, 'how altered you are +Ruth! I should scarcely have known you, my love, if I had seen you +anywhere else, I declare! You are so improved,' said Tom, with +inexpressible delight; 'you are so womanly; you are so--positively, +you know, you are so handsome!' + +'If YOU think so Tom--' + +'Oh, but everybody must think so, you know,' said Tom, gently +smoothing down her hair. 'It's matter of fact; not opinion. But +what's the matter?' said Tom, looking at her more intently, 'how +flushed you are! and you have been crying.' + +'No, I have not, Tom.' + +'Nonsense,' said her brother stoutly. 'That's a story. Don't tell +me! I know better. What is it, dear? I'm not with Mr Pecksniff +now. I am going to try and settle myself in London; and if you are +not happy here (as I very much fear you are not, for I begin to +think you have been deceiving me with the kindest and most +affectionate intention) you shall not remain here.' + +Oh! Tom's blood was rising; mind that! Perhaps the Boar's Head had +something to do with it, but certainly the footman had. So had the +sight of his pretty sister--a great deal to do with it. Tom could +bear a good deal himself, but he was proud of her, and pride is a +sensitive thing. He began to think, 'there are more Pecksniffs than +one, perhaps,' and by all the pins and needles that run up and down +in angry veins, Tom was in a most unusual tingle all at once! + +'We will talk about it, Tom,' said Ruth, giving him another kiss to +pacify him. 'I am afraid I cannot stay here.' + +'Cannot!' replied Tom. 'Why then, you shall not, my love. Heyday! +You are not an object of charity! Upon my word!' + +Tom was stopped in these exclamations by the footman, who brought a +message from his master, importing that he wished to speak with him +before he went, and with Miss Pinch also. + +'Show the way,' said Tom. 'I'll wait upon him at once.' + +Accordingly they entered the adjoining room from which the noise of +altercation had proceeded; and there they found a middle-aged +gentleman, with a pompous voice and manner, and a middle-aged lady, +with what may be termed an excisable face, or one in which starch +and vinegar were decidedly employed. There was likewise present +that eldest pupil of Miss Pinch, whom Mrs Todgers, on a previous +occasion, had called a syrup, and who was now weeping and sobbing +spitefully. + +'My brother, sir,' said Ruth Pinch, timidly presenting Tom. + +'Oh!' cried the gentleman, surveying Tom attentively. 'You really +are Miss Pinch's brother, I presume? You will excuse my asking. I +don't observe any resemblance.' + +'Miss Pinch has a brother, I know,' observed the lady. + +'Miss Pinch is always talking about her brother, when she ought to +be engaged upon my education,' sobbed the pupil. + +'Sophia! Hold your tongue!' observed the gentleman. 'Sit down, if +you please,' addressing Tom. + +Tom sat down, looking from one face to another, in mute surprise. + +'Remain here, if you please, Miss Pinch,' pursued the gentleman, +looking slightly over his shoulder. + +Tom interrupted him here, by rising to place a chair for his sister. +Having done which he sat down again. + +'I am glad you chance to have called to see your sister to-day, +sir,' resumed the brass-and-copper founder. 'For although I do not +approve, as a principle, of any young person engaged in my family in +the capacity of a governess, receiving visitors, it happens in this +case to be well timed. I am sorry to inform you that we are not at +all satisfied with your sister.' + +'We are very much DISsatisfied with her,' observed the lady. + +'I'd never say another lesson to Miss Pinch if I was to be beat to +death for it!' sobbed the pupil. + +'Sophia!' cried her father. 'Hold your tongue!' + +'Will you allow me to inquire what your ground of dissatisfaction +is?' asked Tom. + +'Yes,' said the gentleman, 'I will. I don't recognize it as a +right; but I will. Your sister has not the slightest innate power +of commanding respect. It has been a constant source of difference +between us. Although she has been in this family for some time, and +although the young lady who is now present has almost, as it were, +grown up under her tuition, that young lady has no respect for her. +Miss Pinch has been perfectly unable to command my daughter's +respect, or to win my daughter's confidence. Now,' said the +gentleman, allowing the palm of his hand to fall gravely down upon +the table: 'I maintain that there is something radically wrong in +that! You, as her brother, may be disposed to deny it--' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Tom. 'I am not at all disposed to +deny it. I am sure that there is something radically wrong; +radically monstrous, in that.' + +'Good Heavens!' cried the gentleman, looking round the room with +dignity, 'what do I find to be the case! what results obtrude +themselves upon me as flowing from this weakness of character on the +part of Miss Pinch! What are my feelings as a father, when, after my +desire (repeatedly expressed to Miss Pinch, as I think she will not +venture to deny) that my daughter should be choice in her +expressions, genteel in her deportment, as becomes her station in +life, and politely distant to her inferiors in society, I find her, +only this very morning, addressing Miss Pinch herself as a beggar!' + +'A beggarly thing,' observed the lady, in correction. + +'Which is worse,' said the gentleman, triumphantly; 'which is worse. +A beggarly thing. A low, coarse, despicable expression!' + +'Most despicable,' cried Tom. 'I am glad to find that there is a +just appreciation of it here.' + +'So just, sir,' said the gentleman, lowering his voice to be the +more impressive. 'So just, that, but for my knowing Miss Pinch to +be an unprotected young person, an orphan, and without friends, I +would, as I assured Miss Pinch, upon my veracity and personal +character, a few minutes ago, I would have severed the connection +between us at that moment and from that time.' + +'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, rising from his seat; for he was +now unable to contain himself any longer; 'don't allow such +considerations as those to influence you, pray. They don't exist, +sir. She is not unprotected. She is ready to depart this instant. +Ruth, my dear, get your bonnet on!' + +'Oh, a pretty family!' cried the lady. 'Oh, he's her brother! +There's no doubt about that!' + +'As little doubt, madam,' said Tom, 'as that the young lady yonder +is the child of your teaching, and not my sister's. Ruth, my dear, +get your bonnet on!' + +'When you say, young man,' interposed the brass-and-copper founder, +haughtily, 'with that impertinence which is natural to you, and +which I therefore do not condescend to notice further, that the +young lady, my eldest daughter, has been educated by any one but +Miss Pinch, you--I needn't proceed. You comprehend me fully. I +have no doubt you are used to it.' + +'Sir!' cried Tom, after regarding him in silence for some little +time. 'If you do not understand what I mean, I will tell you. If +you do understand what I mean, I beg you not to repeat that mode of +expressing yourself in answer to it. My meaning is, that no man can +expect his children to respect what he degrades.' + +'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed the gentleman. 'Cant! cant! The common cant!' + +'The common story, sir!' said Tom; 'the story of a common mind. +Your governess cannot win the confidence and respect of your +children, forsooth! Let her begin by winning yours, and see what +happens then.' + +'Miss Pinch is getting her bonnet on, I trust, my dear?' said the +gentleman. + +'I trust she is,' said Tom, forestalling the reply. 'I have no +doubt she is. In the meantime I address myself to you, sir. You +made your statement to me, sir; you required to see me for that +purpose; and I have a right to answer it. I am not loud or +turbulent,' said Tom, which was quite true, 'though I can scarcely +say as much for you, in your manner of addressing yourself to me. +And I wish, on my sister's behalf, to state the simple truth.' + +'You may state anything you like, young man,' returned the +gentleman, affecting to yawn. 'My dear, Miss Pinch's money.' + +'When you tell me,' resumed Tom, who was not the less indignant for +keeping himself quiet, 'that my sister has no innate power of +commanding the respect of your children, I must tell you it is not +so; and that she has. She is as well bred, as well taught, as well +qualified by nature to command respect, as any hirer of a governess +you know. But when you place her at a disadvantage in reference to +every servant in your house, how can you suppose, if you have the +gift of common sense, that she is not in a tenfold worse position in +reference to your daughters?' + +'Pretty well! Upon my word,' exclaimed the gentleman, 'this is +pretty well!' + +'It is very ill, sir,' said Tom. 'It is very bad and mean, and +wrong and cruel. Respect! I believe young people are quick enough +to observe and imitate; and why or how should they respect whom no +one else respects, and everybody slights? And very partial they +must grow--oh, very partial!--to their studies, when they see to +what a pass proficiency in those same tasks has brought their +governess! Respect! Put anything the most deserving of respect +before your daughters in the light in which you place her, and you +will bring it down as low, no matter what it is!' + +'You speak with extreme impertinence, young man,' observed the +gentleman. + +'I speak without passion, but with extreme indignation and contempt +for such a course of treatment, and for all who practice it,' said +Tom. 'Why, how can you, as an honest gentleman, profess displeasure +or surprise at your daughter telling my sister she is something +beggarly and humble, when you are for ever telling her the same +thing yourself in fifty plain, outspeaking ways, though not in +words; and when your very porter and footman make the same delicate +announcement to all comers? As to your suspicion and distrust of +her; even of her word; if she is not above their reach, you have no +right to employ her.' + +'No right!' cried the brass-and-copper founder. + +'Distinctly not,' Tom answered. 'If you imagine that the payment of +an annual sum of money gives it to you, you immensely exaggerate its +power and value. Your money is the least part of your bargain in +such a case. You may be punctual in that to half a second on the +clock, and yet be Bankrupt. I have nothing more to say,' said Tom, +much flushed and flustered, now that it was over, 'except to crave +permission to stand in your garden until my sister is ready.' + +Not waiting to obtain it, Tom walked out. + +Before he had well begun to cool, his sister joined him. She was +crying; and Tom could not bear that any one about the house should +see her doing that. + +'They will think you are sorry to go,' said Tom. 'You are not sorry +to go?' + +'No, Tom, no. I have been anxious to go for a very long time.' + +'Very well, then! Don't cry!' said Tom. + +'I am so sorry for YOU, dear,' sobbed Tom's sister. + +'But you ought to be glad on my account,' said Tom. 'I shall be +twice as happy with you for a companion. Hold up your head. There! +Now we go out as we ought. Not blustering, you know, but firm and +confident in ourselves.' + +The idea of Tom and his sister blustering, under any circumstances, +was a splendid absurdity. But Tom was very far from feeling it to +be so, in his excitement; and passed out at the gate with such +severe determination written in his face that the porter hardly knew +him again. + +It was not until they had walked some short distance, and Tom found +himself getting cooler and more collected, that he was quite +restored to himself by an inquiry from his sister, who said in her +pleasant little voice: + +'Where are we going, Tom?' + +'Dear me!' said Tom, stopping, 'I don't know.' + +'Don't you--don't you live anywhere, dear?' asked Tom's sister +looking wistfully in his face. + +'No,' said Tom. 'Not at present. Not exactly. I only arrived this +morning. We must have some lodgings.' + +He didn't tell her that he had been going to stay with his friend +John, and could on no account think of billeting two inmates upon +him, of whom one was a young lady; for he knew that would make her +uncomfortable, and would cause her to regard herself as being an +inconvenience to him. Neither did he like to leave her anywhere +while he called on John, and told him of this change in his +arrangements; for he was delicate of seeming to encroach upon the +generous and hospitable nature of his friend. Therefore he said +again, 'We must have some lodgings, of course;' and said it as +stoutly as if he had been a perfect Directory and Guide-Book to all +the lodgings in London. + +'Where shall we go and look for 'em?' said Tom. 'What do you +think?' + +Tom's sister was not much wiser on such a topic than he was. So she +squeezed her little purse into his coat-pocket, and folding the +little hand with which she did so on the other little hand with +which she clasped his arm, said nothing. + +'It ought to be a cheap neighbourhood,' said Tom, 'and not too far +from London. Let me see. Should you think Islington a good place?' + +'I should think it was an excellent place, Tom.' + +'It used to be called Merry Islington, once upon a time,' said Tom. +'Perhaps it's merry now; if so, it's all the better. Eh?' + +'If it's not too dear,' said Tom's sister. + +'Of course, if it's not too dear,' assented Tom. 'Well, where IS +Islington? We can't do better than go there, I should think. Let's +go.' + +Tom's sister would have gone anywhere with him; so they walked off, +arm in arm, as comfortably as possible. Finding, presently, that +Islington was not in that neighbourhood, Tom made inquiries +respecting a public conveyance thither; which they soon obtained. +As they rode along they were very full of conversation indeed, Tom +relating what had happened to him, and Tom's sister relating what +had happened to her, and both finding a great deal more to say than +time to say it in; for they had only just begun to talk, in +comparison with what they had to tell each other, when they reached +their journey's end. + +'Now,' said Tom, 'we must first look out for some very unpretending +streets, and then look out for bills in the windows.' + +So they walked off again, quite as happily as if they had just +stepped out of a snug little house of their own, to look for +lodgings on account of somebody else. Tom's simplicity was +unabated, Heaven knows; but now that he had somebody to rely upon +him, he was stimulated to rely a little more upon himself, and was, +in his own opinion, quite a desperate fellow. + +After roaming up and down for hours, looking at some scores of +lodgings, they began to find it rather fatiguing, especially as they +saw none which were at all adapted to their purpose. At length, +however, in a singular little old-fashioned house, up a blind +street, they discovered two small bedrooms and a triangular parlour, +which promised to suit them well enough. Their desiring to take +possession immediately was a suspicious circumstance, but even this +was surmounted by the payment of their first week's rent, and a +reference to John Westlock, Esquire, Furnival's Inn, High Holborn. + +Ah! It was a goodly sight, when this important point was settled, to +behold Tom and his sister trotting round to the baker's, and the +butcher's, and the grocer's, with a kind of dreadful delight in the +unaccustomed cares of housekeeping; taking secret counsel together +as they gave their small orders, and distracted by the least +suggestion on the part of the shopkeeper! When they got back to the +triangular parlour, and Tom's sister, bustling to and fro, busy +about a thousand pleasant nothings, stopped every now and then to +give old Tom a kiss or smile upon him, Tom rubbed his hands as if +all Islington were his. + +It was late in the afternoon now, though, and high time for Tom to +keep his appointment. So, after agreeing with his sister that in +consideration of not having dined, they would venture on the +extravagance of chops for supper at nine, he walked out again to +narrate these marvellous occurrences to John. + +'I am quite a family man all at once,' thought Tom. 'If I can only +get something to do, how comfortable Ruth and I may be! Ah, that if! +But it's of no use to despond. I can but do that, when I have tried +everything and failed; and even then it won't serve me much. Upon +my word,' thought Tom, quickening his pace, 'I don't know what John +will think has become of me. He'll begin to be afraid I have +strayed into one of those streets where the countrymen are murdered; +and that I have been made meat pies of, or some such horrible +thing.' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN + +TOM PINCH, GOING ASTRAY, FINDS THAT HE IS NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN +THAT PREDICAMENT. HE RETALIATES UPON A FALLEN FOE + + +Tom's evil genius did not lead him into the dens of any of those +preparers of cannibalic pastry, who are represented in many standard +country legends as doing a lively retail business in the Metropolis; +nor did it mark him out as the prey of ring-droppers, pea and +thimble-riggers, duffers, touters, or any of those bloodless +sharpers, who are, perhaps, a little better known to the Police. He +fell into conversation with no gentleman who took him into a public- +house, where there happened to be another gentleman who swore he had +more money than any gentleman, and very soon proved he had more +money than one gentleman by taking his away from him; neither did he +fall into any other of the numerous man-traps which are set up +without notice, in the public grounds of this city. But he lost his +way. He very soon did that; and in trying to find it again he lost +it more and more. + +Now, Tom, in his guileless distrust of London, thought himself very +knowing in coming to the determination that he would not ask to be +directed to Furnival's Inn, if he could help it; unless, indeed, he +should happen to find himself near the Mint, or the Bank of England; +in which case he would step in, and ask a civil question or two, +confiding in the perfect respectability of the concern. So on he +went, looking up all the streets he came near, and going up half of +them; and thus, by dint of not being true to Goswell Street, and +filing off into Aldermanbury, and bewildering himself in Barbican, +and being constant to the wrong point of the compass in London Wall, +and then getting himself crosswise into Thames Street, by an +instinct that would have been marvellous if he had had the least +desire or reason to go there, he found himself, at last, hard by the +Monument. + +The Man in the Monument was quite as mysterious a being to Tom as +the Man in the Moon. It immediately occurred to him that the lonely +creature who held himself aloof from all mankind in that pillar like +some old hermit was the very man of whom to ask his way. Cold, he +might be; little sympathy he had, perhaps, with human passion--the +column seemed too tall for that; but if Truth didn't live in the +base of the Monument, notwithstanding Pope's couplet about the +outside of it, where in London (thought Tom) was she likely to be +found! + +Coming close below the pillar, it was a great encouragement to Tom +to find that the Man in the Monument had simple tastes; that stony +and artificial as his residence was, he still preserved some rustic +recollections; that he liked plants, hung up bird-cages, was not +wholly cut off from fresh groundsel, and kept young trees in tubs. +The Man in the Monument, himself, was sitting outside the door--his +own door: the Monument-door: what a grand idea!--and was actually +yawning, as if there were no Monument to stop his mouth, and give +him a perpetual interest in his own existence. + +Tom was advancing towards this remarkable creature, to inquire the +way to Furnival's Inn, when two people came to see the Monument. +They were a gentleman and a lady; and the gentleman said, 'How much +a-piece?' + +The Man in the Monument replied, 'A Tanner.' + +It seemed a low expression, compared with the Monument. + +The gentleman put a shilling into his hand, and the Man in the +Monument opened a dark little door. When the gentleman and lady had +passed out of view, he shut it again, and came slowly back to his +chair. + +He sat down and laughed. + +'They don't know what a many steps there is!' he said. 'It's worth +twice the money to stop here. Oh, my eye!' + +The Man in the Monument was a Cynic; a worldly man! Tom couldn't ask +his way of HIM. He was prepared to put no confidence in anything he +said. + +'My gracious!' cried a well-known voice behind Mr Pinch. 'Why, to +be sure it is!' + +At the same time he was poked in the back by a parasol. Turning +round to inquire into this salute, he beheld the eldest daughter of +his late patron. + +'Miss Pecksniff!' said Tom. + +'Why, my goodness, Mr Pinch!' cried Cherry. 'What are you doing +here?' + +'I have rather wandered from my way,' said Tom. 'I--' + +'I hope you have run away,' said Charity. 'It would be quite +spirited and proper if you had, when my Papa so far forgets +himself.' + +'I have left him,' returned Tom. 'But it was perfectly understood +on both sides. It was not done clandestinely.' + +'Is he married?' asked Cherry, with a spasmodic shake of her chin. + +'No, not yet,' said Tom, colouring; 'to tell you the truth, I don't +think he is likely to be, if--if Miss Graham is the object of his +passion.' + +'Tcha, Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with sharp impatience, 'you're very +easily deceived. You don't know the arts of which such a creature +is capable. Oh! it's a wicked world.' + +'You are not married?' Tom hinted, to divert the conversation. + +'N--no!' said Cherry, tracing out one particular paving-stone in +Monument Yard with the end of her parasol. 'I--but really it's +quite impossible to explain. Won't you walk in?' + +'You live here, then?' said Tom + +'Yes,' returned Miss Pecksniff, pointing with her parasol to +Todgers's; 'I reside with this lady, AT PRESENT.' + +The great stress on the two last words suggested to Tom that he was +expected to say something in reference to them. So he said. + +'Only at present! Are you going home again soon?' + +'No, Mr Pinch,' returned Charity. 'No, thank you. No! A mother-in- +law who is younger than--I mean to say, who is as nearly as possible +about the same age as one's self, would not quite suit my spirit. +Not quite!' said Cherry, with a spiteful shiver. + +'I thought from your saying "at present"'--Tom observed. + +'Really, upon my word! I had no idea you would press me so very +closely on the subject, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, blushing, 'or I +should not have been so foolish as to allude to--oh really!--won't +you walk in?' + +Tom mentioned, to excuse himself, that he had an appointment in +Furnival's Inn, and that coming from Islington he had taken a few +wrong turnings, and arrived at the Monument instead. Miss Pecksniff +simpered very much when he asked her if she knew the way to +Furnival's Inn, and at length found courage to reply. + +'A gentleman who is a friend of mine, or at least who is not exactly +a friend so much as a sort of acquaintance--Oh upon my word, I +hardly know what I say, Mr Pinch; you mustn't suppose there is any +engagement between us; or at least if there is, that it is at all a +settled thing as yet--is going to Furnival's Inn immediately, I +believe upon a little business, and I am sure he would be very glad +to accompany you, so as to prevent your going wrong again. You had +better walk in. You will very likely find my sister Merry here,' +she said with a curious toss of her head, and anything but an +agreeable smile. + +'Then, I think, I'll endeavour to find my way alone,' said Tom, 'for +I fear she would not be very glad to see me. That unfortunate +occurrence, in relation to which you and I had some amicable words +together, in private, is not likely to have impressed her with any +friendly feeling towards me. Though it really was not my fault.' + +'She has never heard of that, you may depend,' said Cherry, +gathering up the corners of her mouth, and nodding at Tom. 'I am +far from sure that she would bear you any mighty ill will for it, if +she had.' + +'You don't say so?' cried Tom, who was really concerned by this +insinuation. + +'I say nothing,' said Charity. 'If I had not already known what +shocking things treachery and deceit are in themselves, Mr Pinch, I +might perhaps have learnt it from the success they meet with--from +the success they meet with.' Here she smiled as before. 'But I +don't say anything. On the contrary, I should scorn it. You had +better walk in!' + +There was something hidden here, which piqued Tom's interest and +troubled his tender heart. When, in a moment's irresolution, he +looked at Charity, he could not but observe a struggle in her face +between a sense of triumph and a sense of shame; nor could he but +remark how, meeting even his eyes, which she cared so little for, +she turned away her own, for all the splenetic defiance in her +manner. + +An uneasy thought entered Tom's head; a shadowy misgiving that the +altered relations between himself and Pecksniff were somehow to +involve an altered knowledge on his part of other people, and were +to give him an insight into much of which he had had no previous +suspicion. And yet he put no definite construction upon Charity's +proceedings. He certainly had no idea that as he had been the +audience and spectator of her mortification, she grasped with eager +delight at any opportunity of reproaching her sister with his +presence in HER far deeper misery; for he knew nothing of it, and +only pictured that sister as the same giddy, careless, trivial +creature she always had been, with the same slight estimation of +himself which she had never been at the least pains to conceal. In +short, he had merely a confused impression that Miss Pecksniff was +not quite sisterly or kind; and being curious to set it right, +accompanied her as she desired. + +The house-door being opened, she went in before Tom, requesting him +to follow her; and led the way to the parlour door. + +'Oh, Merry!' she said, looking in, 'I am so glad you have not gone +home. Who do you think I have met in the street, and brought to see +you! Mr Pinch! There. Now you ARE surprised, I am sure!' + +Not more surprised than Tom was, when he looked upon her. Not so +much. Not half so much. + +'Mr Pinch has left Papa, my dear,' said Cherry, 'and his prospects +are quite flourishing. I have promised that Augustus, who is going +that way, shall escort him to the place he wants. Augustus, my +child, where are you?' + +With these words Miss Pecksniff screamed her way out of the parlour, +calling on Augustus Moddle to appear; and left Tom Pinch alone with +her sister. + +If she had always been his kindest friend; if she had treated him +through all his servitude with such consideration as was never yet +received by struggling man; if she had lightened every moment of +those many years, and had ever spared and never wounded him; his +honest heart could not have swelled before her with a deeper pity, +or a purer freedom from all base remembrance than it did then. + +'My gracious me! You are really the last person in the world I +should have thought of seeing, I am sure!' + +Tom was sorry to hear her speaking in her old manner. He had not +expected that. Yet he did not feel it a contradiction that he +should be sorry to see her so unlike her old self, and sorry at the +same time to hear her speaking in her old manner. The two things +seemed quite natural. + +'I wonder you find any gratification in coming to see me. I can't +think what put it in your head. I never had much in seeing you. +There was no love lost between us, Mr Pinch, at any time, I think.' + +Her bonnet lay beside her on the sofa, and she was very busy with +the ribbons as she spoke. Much too busy to be conscious of the work +her fingers did. + +'We never quarrelled,' said Tom.--Tom was right in that, for one +person can no more quarrel without an adversary, than one person can +play at chess, or fight a duel. 'I hoped you would be glad to shake +hands with an old friend. Don't let us rake up bygones,' said Tom. +'If I ever offended you, forgive me.' + +She looked at him for a moment; dropped her bonnet from her hands; +spread them before her altered face, and burst into tears. + +'Oh, Mr Pinch!' she said, 'although I never used you well, I did +believe your nature was forgiving. I did not think you could be +cruel.' + +She spoke as little like her old self now, for certain, as Tom could +possibly have wished. But she seemed to be appealing to him +reproachfully, and he did not understand her. + +'I seldom showed it--never--I know that. But I had that belief in +you, that if I had been asked to name the person in the world least +likely to retort upon me, I would have named you, confidently.' + +'Would have named me!' Tom repeated. + +'Yes,' she said with energy, 'and I have often thought so.' + +After a moment's reflection, Tom sat himself upon a chair beside +her. + +'Do you believe,' said Tom, 'oh, can you think, that what I said +just now, I said with any but the true and plain intention which my +words professed? I mean it, in the spirit and the letter. If I +ever offended you, forgive me; I may have done so, many times. You +never injured or offended me. How, then, could I possibly retort, +if even I were stern and bad enough to wish to do it!' + +After a little while she thanked him, through her tears and sobs, +and told him she had never been at once so sorry and so comforted, +since she left home. Still she wept bitterly; and it was the +greater pain to Tom to see her weeping, from her standing in +especial need, just then, of sympathy and tenderness. + +'Come, come!' said Tom, 'you used to be as cheerful as the day was +long.' + +'Ah! used!' she cried, in such a tone as rent Tom's heart. + +'And will be again,' said Tom. + +'No, never more. No, never, never more. If you should talk with +old Mr Chuzzlewit, at any time,' she added, looking hurriedly into +his face--'I sometimes thought he liked you, but suppressed it--will +you promise me to tell him that you saw me here, and that I said I +bore in mind the time we talked together in the churchyard?' + +Tom promised that he would. + +'Many times since then, when I have wished I had been carried there +before that day, I have recalled his words. I wish that he should +know how true they were, although the least acknowledgment to that +effect has never passed my lips and never will.' + +Tom promised this, conditionally too. He did not tell her how +improbable it was that he and the old man would ever meet again, +because he thought it might disturb her more. + +'If he should ever know this, through your means, dear Mr Pinch,' +said Mercy, 'tell him that I sent the message, not for myself, but +that he might be more forbearing and more patient, and more trustful +to some other person, in some other time of need. Tell him that if +he could know how my heart trembled in the balance that day, and +what a very little would have turned the scale, his own would bleed +with pity for me.' + +'Yes, yes,' said Tom, 'I will.' + +'When I appeared to him the most unworthy of his help, I was--I know +I was, for I have often, often, thought about it since--the most +inclined to yield to what he showed me. Oh! if he had relented but +a little more; if he had thrown himself in my way for but one other +quarter of an hour; if he had extended his compassion for a vain, +unthinking, miserable girl, in but the least degree; he might, and I +believe he would, have saved her! Tell him that I don't blame him, +but am grateful for the effort that he made; but ask him for the +love of God, and youth, and in merciful consideration for the +struggle which an ill-advised and unwakened nature makes to hide the +strength it thinks its weakness--ask him never, never, to forget +this, when he deals with one again!' + +Although Tom did not hold the clue to her full meaning, he could +guess it pretty nearly. Touched to the quick, he took her hand and +said, or meant to say, some words of consolation. She felt and +understood them, whether they were spoken or no. He was not quite +certain, afterwards, but that she had tried to kneel down at his +feet, and bless him. + +He found that he was not alone in the room when she had left it. +Mrs Todgers was there, shaking her head. Tom had never seen Mrs +Todgers, it is needless to say, but he had a perception of her being +the lady of the house; and he saw some genuine compassion in her +eyes, that won his good opinion. + +'Ah, sir! You are an old friend, I see,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'Yes,' said Tom. + +'And yet,' quoth Mrs Todgers, shutting the door softly, 'she hasn't +told you what her troubles are, I'm certain.' + +Tom was struck by these words, for they were quite true. 'Indeed,' +he said, 'she has not.' + +'And never would,' said Mrs Todgers, 'if you saw her daily. She +never makes the least complaint to me, or utters a single word of +explanation or reproach. But I know,' said Mrs Todgers, drawing in +her breath, 'I know!' + +Tom nodded sorrowfully, 'So do I.' + +'I fully believe,' said Mrs Todgers, taking her pocket-handkerchief +from the flat reticule, 'that nobody can tell one half of what that +poor young creature has to undergo. But though she comes here, +constantly, to ease her poor full heart without his knowing it; and +saying, "Mrs Todgers, I am very low to-day; I think that I shall +soon be dead," sits crying in my room until the fit is past; I know +no more from her. And, I believe,' said Mrs Todgers, putting back +her handkerchief again, 'that she considers me a good friend too.' + +Mrs Todgers might have said her best friend. Commercial gentlemen +and gravy had tried Mrs Todgers's temper; the main chance--it was +such a very small one in her case, that she might have been excused +for looking sharp after it, lest it should entirely vanish from her +sight--had taken a firm hold on Mrs Todgers's attention. But in +some odd nook in Mrs Todgers's breast, up a great many steps, and in +a corner easy to be overlooked, there was a secret door, with +'Woman' written on the spring, which, at a touch from Mercy's hand, +had flown wide open, and admitted her for shelter. + +When boarding-house accounts are balanced with all other ledgers, +and the books of the Recording Angel are made up for ever, perhaps +there may be seen an entry to thy credit, lean Mrs Todgers, which +shall make thee beautiful! + +She was growing beautiful so rapidly in Tom's eyes; for he saw that +she was poor, and that this good had sprung up in her from among the +sordid strivings of her life; that she might have been a very Venus +in a minute more, if Miss Pecksniff had not entered with her friend. + +'Mr Thomas Pinch!' said Charity, performing the ceremony of +introduction with evident pride. 'Mr Moddle. Where's my sister?' + +'Gone, Miss Pecksniff,' Mrs Todgers answered. 'She had appointed to +be home.' + +'Ah!' said Charity, looking at Tom. 'Oh, dear me!' + +'She's greatly altered since she's been Anoth--since she's been +married, Mrs Todgers!' observed Moddle. + +'My dear Augustus!' said Miss Pecksniff, in a low voice. 'I verily +believe you have said that fifty thousand times, in my hearing. +What a Prose you are!' + +This was succeeded by some trifling love passages, which appeared to +originate with, if not to be wholly carried on by Miss Pecksniff. +At any rate, Mr Moddle was much slower in his responses than is +customary with young lovers, and exhibited a lowness of spirits +which was quite oppressive. + +He did not improve at all when Tom and he were in the streets, but +sighed so dismally that it was dreadful to hear him. As a means of +cheering him up, Tom told him that he wished him joy. + +'Joy!' cried Moddle. 'Ha, ha!' + +'What an extraordinary young man!' thought Tom. + +'The Scorner has not set his seal upon you. YOU care what becomes +of you?' said Moddle. + +Tom admitted that it was a subject in which he certainly felt some +interest. + +'I don't,' said Mr Moddle. 'The Elements may have me when they +please. I'm ready.' + +Tom inferred from these, and other expressions of the same nature, +that he was jealous. Therefore he allowed him to take his own +course; which was such a gloomy one, that he felt a load removed +from his mind when they parted company at the gate of Furnival's +Inn. + +It was now a couple of hours past John Westlock's dinner-time; and +he was walking up and down the room, quite anxious for Tom's safety. +The table was spread; the wine was carefully decanted; and the +dinner smelt delicious. + +'Why, Tom, old boy, where on earth have you been? Your box is here. +Get your boots off instantly, and sit down!' + +'I am sorry to say I can't stay, John,' replied Tom Pinch, who was +breathless with the haste he had made in running up the stairs. + +'Can't stay!' + +'If you'll go on with your dinner,' said Tom, 'I'll tell you my +reason the while. I mustn't eat myself, or I shall have no appetite +for the chops.' + +'There are no chops here, my food fellow.' + +'No. But there are at Islington,' said Tom. + +John Westlock was perfectly confounded by this reply, and vowed he +would not touch a morsel until Tom had explained himself fully. So +Tom sat down, and told him all; to which he listened with the +greatest interest. + +He knew Tom too well, and respected his delicacy too much, to ask +him why he had taken these measures without communicating with him +first. He quite concurred in the expediency of Tom's immediately +returning to his sister, as he knew so little of the place in +which he had left her, and good-humouredly proposed to ride back +with him in a cab, in which he might convey his box. Tom's +proposition that he should sup with them that night, he flatly +rejected, but made an appointment with him for the morrow. 'And now +Tom,' he said, as they rode along, 'I have a question to ask you to +which I expect a manly and straightforward answer. Do you want any +money? I am pretty sure you do.' + +'I don't indeed,' said Tom. + +'I believe you are deceiving me.' + +'No. With many thanks to you, I am quite in earnest,' Tom replied. +'My sister has some money, and so have I. If I had nothing else, +John, I have a five-pound note, which that good creature, Mrs Lupin, +of the Dragon, handed up to me outside the coach, in a letter +begging me to borrow it; and then drove off as hard as she could +go.' + +'And a blessing on every dimple in her handsome face, say I!' cried +John, 'though why you should give her the preference over me, I +don't know. Never mind. I bide my time, Tom.' + +'And I hope you'll continue to bide it,' returned Tom, gayly. 'For +I owe you more, already, in a hundred other ways, than I can ever +hope to pay.' + +They parted at the door of Tom's new residence. John Westlock, +sitting in the cab, and, catching a glimpse of a blooming little +busy creature darting out to kiss Tom and to help him with his box, +would not have had the least objection to change places with him. + +Well! she WAS a cheerful little thing; and had a quaint, bright +quietness about her that was infinitely pleasant. Surely she was +the best sauce for chops ever invented. The potatoes seemed to take +a pleasure in sending up their grateful steam before her; the froth +upon the pint of porter pouted to attract her notice. But it was +all in vain. She saw nothing but Tom. Tom was the first and last +thing in the world. + +As she sat opposite to Tom at supper, fingering one of Tom's pet +tunes upon the table-cloth, and smiling in his face, he had never +been so happy in his life. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT + +SECRET SERVICE + + +In walking from the city with his sentimental friend, Tom Pinch had +looked into the face, and brushed against the threadbare sleeve, of +Mr Nadgett, man of mystery to the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan +and Life Assurance Company. Mr Nadgett naturally passed away from +Tom's remembrance as he passed out of his view; for he didn't know +him, and had never heard his name. + +As there are a vast number of people in the huge metropolis of +England who rise up every morning not knowing where their heads will +rest at night, so there are a multitude who shooting arrows over +houses as their daily business, never know on whom they fall. Mr +Nadgett might have passed Tom Pinch ten thousand times; might even +have been quite familiar with his face, his name, pursuits, and +character; yet never once have dreamed that Tom had any interest in +any act or mystery of his. Tom might have done the like by him of +course. But the same private man out of all the men alive, was in +the mind of each at the same moment; was prominently connected +though in a different manner, with the day's adventures of both; and +formed, when they passed each other in the street, the one absorbing +topic of their thoughts. + +Why Tom had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his mind requires no explanation. +Why Mr Nadgett should have had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his, is quite +another thing. + +But, somehow or other, that amiable and worthy orphan had become a +part of the mystery of Mr Nadgett's existence. Mr Nadgett took an +interest in his lightest proceedings; and it never flagged or +wavered. He watched him in and out of the Assurance Office, where +he was now formally installed as a Director; he dogged his footsteps +in the streets; he stood listening when he talked; he sat in coffee- +rooms entering his name in the great pocket-book, over and over +again; he wrote letters to himself about him constantly; and, when +he found them in his pocket, put them in the fire, with such +distrust and caution that he would bend down to watch the crumpled +tinder while it floated upwards, as if his mind misgave him, that +the mystery it had contained might come out at the chimney-pot. + +And yet all this was quite a secret. Mr Nadgett kept it to himself, +and kept it close. Jonas had no more idea that Mr Nadgett's eyes +were fixed on him, than he had that he was living under the daily +inspection and report of a whole order of Jesuits. Indeed Mr +Nadgett's eyes were seldom fixed on any other objects than the +ground, the clock, or the fire; but every button on his coat might +have been an eye, he saw so much. + +The secret manner of the man disarmed suspicion in this wise; +suggesting, not that he was watching any one, but that he thought +some other man was watching him. He went about so stealthily, and +kept himself so wrapped up in himself, that the whole object of his +life appeared to be, to avoid notice and preserve his own mystery. +Jonas sometimes saw him in the street, hovering in the outer office, +waiting at the door for the man who never came, or slinking off with +his immovable face and drooping head, and the one beaver glove +dangling before him; but he would as soon have thought of the cross +upon the top of St. Paul's Cathedral taking note of what he did, or +slowly winding a great net about his feet, as of Nadgett's being +engaged in such an occupation. + +Mr Nadgett made a mysterious change about this time in his +mysterious life: for whereas he had, until now, been first seen +every morning coming down Cornhill, so exactly like the Nadgett of +the day before as to occasion a popular belief that he never went to +bed or took his clothes off, he was now first seen in Holborn, +coming out of Kingsgate Street; and it was soon discovered that he +actually went every morning to a barber's shop in that street to get +shaved; and that the barber's name was Sweedlepipe. He seemed to +make appointments with the man who never came, to meet him at this +barber's; for he would frequently take long spells of waiting in the +shop, and would ask for pen and ink, and pull out his pocket-book, +and be very busy over it for an hour at a time. Mrs Gamp and Mr +Sweedlepipe had many deep discoursings on the subject of this +mysterious customer; but they usually agreed that he had speculated +too much and was keeping out of the way. + +He must have appointed the man who never kept his word, to meet him +at another new place too; for one day he was found, for the first +time, by the waiter at the Mourning Coach-Horse, the House-of-call +for Undertakers, down in the City there, making figures with a pipe- +stem in the sawdust of a clean spittoon; and declining to call for +anything, on the ground of expecting a gentleman presently. As the +gentleman was not honourable enough to keep his engagement, he came +again next day, with his pocket-book in such a state of distention +that he was regarded in the bar as a man of large property. After +that, he repeated his visits every day, and had so much writing to +do, that he made nothing of emptying a capacious leaden inkstand in +two sittings. Although he never talked much, still, by being there +among the regular customers, he made their acquaintance. and in +course of time became quite intimate with Mr Tacker, Mr Mould's +foreman; and even with Mr Mould himself, who openly said he was a +long-headed man, a dry one, a salt fish, a deep file, a rasper; and +made him the subject of many other flattering encomiums. + +At the same time, too, he told the people at the Assurance Office, +in his own mysterious way, that there was something wrong (secretly +wrong, of course) in his liver, and that he feared he must put +himself under the doctor's hands. He was delivered over to Jobling +upon this representation; and though Jobling could not find out +where his liver was wrong, wrong Mr Nadgett said it was; observing +that it was his own liver, and he hoped he ought to know. +Accordingly, he became Mr Jobling's patient; and detailing his +symptoms in his slow and secret way, was in and out of that +gentleman's room a dozen times a day. + +As he pursued all these occupations at once; and all steadily; and +all secretly; and never slackened in his watchfulness of everything +that Mr Jonas said and did, and left unsaid and undone; it is not +improbable that they were, secretly, essential parts of some great +scheme which Mr Nadgett had on foot. + +It was on the morning of this very day on which so much had happened +to Tom Pinch, that Nadgett suddenly appeared before Mr Montague's +house in Pall Mall--he always made his appearance as if he had that +moment come up a trap--when the clocks were striking nine. He rang +the bell in a covert under-handed way, as though it were a +treasonable act; and passed in at the door, the moment it was opened +wide enough to receive his body. That done, he shut it immediately +with his own hands. + +Mr Bailey, taking up his name without delay, returned with a request +that he would follow him into his master's chamber. The chairman of +the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Board was +dressing, and received him as a business person who was often +backwards and forwards, and was received at all times for his +business' sake. + +'Well, Mr Nadgett?' + +Mr Nadgett put his hat upon the ground and coughed. The boy having +withdrawn and shut the door, he went to it softly, examined the +handle, and returned to within a pace or two of the chair in which +Mr Montague sat. + +'Any news, Mr Nadgett?' + +'I think we have some news at last, sir.' + +'I am happy to hear it. I began to fear you were off the scent, Mr +Nadgett.' + +'No, sir. It grows cold occasionally. It will sometimes. We can't +help that.' + +'You are truth itself, Mr Nadgett. Do you report a great success?' + +'That depends upon your judgment and construction of it,' was his +answer, as he put on his spectacles. + +'What do you think of it yourself? Have you pleased yourself?' + +Mr Nadgett rubbed his hands slowly, stroked his chin, looked round +the room, and said, 'Yes, yes, I think it's a good case. I am +disposed to think it's a good case. Will you go into it at once?' + +'By all means.' + +Mr Nadgett picked out a certain chair from among the rest, and +having planted it in a particular spot, as carefully as if he had +been going to vault over it, placed another chair in front of it; +leaving room for his own legs between them. He then sat down in +chair number two, and laid his pocket-book, very carefully, on chair +number one. He then untied the pocket-book, and hung the string +over the back of chair number one. He then drew both the chairs a +little nearer Mr Montague, and opening the pocket-book spread out +its contents. Finally he selected a certain memorandum from the +rest, and held it out to his employer, who, during the whole of +these preliminary ceremonies, had been making violent efforts to +conceal his impatience. + +'I wish you wouldn't be so fond of making notes, my excellent +friend,' said Tigg Montague with a ghastly smile. 'I wish you would +consent to give me their purport by word of mouth.' + +'I don't like word of mouth,' said Mr Nadgett gravely. 'We never +know who's listening.' + +Mr Montague was going to retort, when Nadgett handed him the paper, +and said, with quiet exultation in his tone, 'We'll begin at the +beginning, and take that one first, if you please, sir.' + +The chairman cast his eyes upon it, coldly, and with a smile which +did not render any great homage to the slow and methodical habits of +his spy. But he had not read half-a-dozen lines when the expression +of his face began to change, and before he had finished the perusal +of the paper, it was full of grave and serious attention. + +'Number Two,' said Mr Nadgett, handing him another, and receiving +back the first. 'Read Number Two, sir, if you please. There is +more interest as you go on.' + +Tigg Montague leaned backward in his chair, and cast upon his +emissary such a look of vacant wonder (not unmingled with alarm), +that Mr Nadgett considered it necessary to repeat the request he had +already twice preferred; with the view to recalling his attention to +the point in hand. Profiting by the hint, Mr Montague went on with +Number Two, and afterwards with Numbers Three, and Four, and Five, +and so on. + +These documents were all in Mr Nadgett's writing, and were +apparently a series of memoranda, jotted down from time to time upon +the backs of old letters, or any scrap of paper that came first to +hand. Loose straggling scrawls they were, and of very uninviting +exterior; but they had weighty purpose in them, if the chairman's +face were any index to the character of their contents. + +The progress of Mr Nadgett's secret satisfaction arising out of the +effect they made, kept pace with the emotions of the reader. At +first, Mr Nadgett sat with his spectacles low down upon his nose, +looking over them at his employer, and nervously rubbing his hands. +After a little while, he changed his posture in his chair for one of +greater ease, and leisurely perused the next document he held ready +as if an occasional glance at his employer's face were now enough +and all occasion for anxiety or doubt were gone. And finally he +rose and looked out of the window, where he stood with a triumphant +air until Tigg Montague had finished. + +'And this is the last, Mr Nadgett!' said that gentleman, drawing a +long breath. + +'That, sir, is the last.' + +'You are a wonderful man, Mr Nadgett!' + +'I think it is a pretty good case,' he returned as he gathered up +his papers. 'It cost some trouble, sir.' + +'The trouble shall be well rewarded, Mr Nadgett.' Nadgett bowed. +'There is a deeper impression of Somebody's Hoof here, than I had +expected, Mr Nadgett. I may congratulate myself upon your being +such a good hand at a secret.' + +'Oh! nothing has an interest to me that's not a secret,' replied +Nadgett, as he tied the string about his pocket-book, and put it up. +'It always takes away any pleasure I may have had in this inquiry +even to make it known to you.' + +'A most invaluable constitution,' Tigg retorted. 'A great gift for +a gentleman employed as you are, Mr Nadgett. Much better than +discretion; though you possess that quality also in an eminent +degree. I think I heard a double knock. Will you put your head out +of window, and tell me whether there is anybody at the door?' + +Mr Nadgett softly raised the sash, and peered out from the very +corner, as a man might who was looking down into a street from +whence a brisk discharge of musketry might be expected at any +moment. Drawing in his head with equal caution, he observed, not +altering his voice or manner: + +'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit!' + +'I thought so,' Tigg retorted. + +'Shall I go?' + +'I think you had better. Stay though! No! remain here, Mr Nadgett, +if you please.' + +It was remarkable how pale and flurried he had become in an instant. +There was nothing to account for it. His eye had fallen on his +razors; but what of them! + +Mr Chuzzlewit was announced. + +'Show him up directly. Nadgett! don't you leave us alone together. +Mind you don't, now! By the Lord!' he added in a whisper to himself: +'We don't know what may happen.' + +Saying this, he hurriedly took up a couple of hair-brushes, and +began to exercise them on his own head, as if his toilet had not +been interrupted. Mr Nadgett withdrew to the stove, in which there +was a small fire for the convenience of heating curling-irons; and +taking advantage of so favourable an opportunity for drying his +pocket-handkerchief, produced it without loss of time. There he +stood, during the whole interview, holding it before the bars, and +sometimes, but not often, glancing over his shoulder. + +'My dear Chuzzlewit!' cried Montague, as Jonas entered. 'You rise +with the lark. Though you go to bed with the nightingale, you rise +with the lark. You have superhuman energy, my dear Chuzzlewit!' + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, with an air of langour and ill-humour, as he +took a chair, 'I should be very glad not to get up with the lark, if +I could help it. But I am a light sleeper; and it's better to be up +than lying awake, counting the dismal old church-clocks, in bed.' + +'A light sleeper!' cried his friend. 'Now, what is a light sleeper? +I often hear the expression, but upon my life I have not the least +conception what a light sleeper is.' + +'Hallo!' said Jonas, 'Who's that? Oh, old what's-his-name: looking +(as usual) as if he wanted to skulk up the chimney.' + +'Ha, ha! I have no doubt he does.' + +'Well! He's not wanted here, I suppose,' said Jonas. 'He may go, +mayn't he?' + +'Oh, let him stay, let him stay!' said Tigg. 'He's a mere piece of +furniture. He has been making his report, and is waiting for +further orders. He has been told,' said Tigg, raising his voice, +'not to lose sight of certain friends of ours, or to think that he +has done with them by any means. He understands his business.' + +'He need,' replied Jonas; 'for of all the precious old dummies in +appearance that I ever saw, he's about the worst. He's afraid of +me, I think.' + +'It's my belief,' said Tigg, 'that you are Poison to him. Nadgett! +give me that towel!' + +He had as little occasion for a towel as Jonas had for a start. But +Nadgett brought it quickly; and, having lingered for a moment, fell +back upon his old post by the fire. + +'You see, my dear fellow,' resumed Tigg, 'you are too--what's the +matter with your lips? How white they are!' + +'I took some vinegar just now,' said Jonas. 'I had oysters for my +breakfast. Where are they white?' he added, muttering an oath, and +rubbing them upon his handkerchief. 'I don't believe they ARE +white.' + +'Now I look again, they are not,' replied his friend. 'They are +coming right again.' + +'Say what you were going to say,' cried Jonas angrily, 'and let my +face be! As long as I can show my teeth when I want to (and I can do +that pretty well), the colour of my lips is not material.' + +'Quite true,' said Tigg. 'I was only going to say that you are too +quick and active for our friend. He is too shy to cope with such a +man as you, but does his duty well. Oh, very well! But what is a +light sleeper?' + +'Hang a light sleeper!' exclaimed Jonas pettishly. + +'No, no,' interrupted Tigg. 'No. We'll not do that.' + +'A light sleeper ain't a heavy one,' said Jonas in his sulky way; +'don't sleep much, and don't sleep well, and don't sleep sound.' + +'And dreams,' said Tigg, 'and cries out in an ugly manner; and when +the candle burns down in the night, is in an agony; and all that +sort of thing. I see!' + +They were silent for a little time. Then Jonas spoke: + +'Now we've done with child's talk, I want to have a word with you. +I want to have a word with you before we meet up yonder to-day. +I am not satisfied with the state of affairs.' + +'Not satisfied!' cried Tigg. 'The money comes in well.' + +'The money comes in well enough,' retorted Jonas, 'but it don't come +out well enough. It can't be got at easily enough. I haven't +sufficient power; it is all in your hands. Ecod! what with one of +your by-laws, and another of your by-laws, and your votes in this +capacity, and your votes in that capacity, and your official rights, +and your individual rights, and other people's rights who are only +you again, there are no rights left for me. Everybody else's rights +are my wrongs. What's the use of my having a voice if it's always +drowned? I might as well be dumb, and it would be much less +aggravating. I'm not a-going to stand that, you know.' + +'No!' said Tigg in an insinuating tone. + +'No!' returned Jonas, 'I'm not indeed. I'll play old Gooseberry +with the office, and make you glad to buy me out at a good high +figure, if you try any of your tricks with me.' + +'I give you my honour--' Montague began. + +'Oh! confound your honour,' interrupted Jonas, who became more +coarse and quarrelsome as the other remonstrated, which may have +been a part of Mr Montague's intention; 'I want a little more +control over the money. You may have all the honour, if you like; +I'll never bring you to book for that. But I'm not a-going to stand +it, as it is now. If you should take it into your honourable head +to go abroad with the bank, I don't see much to prevent you. Well! +That won't do. I've had some very good dinners here, but they'd +come too dear on such terms; and therefore, that won't do.' + +'I am unfortunate to find you in this humour,' said Tigg, with a +remarkable kind of smile; 'for I was going to propose to you--for +your own advantage; solely for your own advantage--that you should +venture a little more with us.' + +'Was you, by G--?' said Jonas, with a short laugh. + +'Yes. And to suggest,' pursued Montague, 'that surely you have +friends; indeed, I know you have; who would answer our purpose +admirably, and whom we should be delighted to receive.' + +'How kind of you! You'd be delighted to receive 'em, would you?' +said Jonas, bantering. + +'I give you my sacred honour, quite transported. As your friends, +observe!' + +'Exactly,' said Jonas; 'as my friends, of course. You'll be very +much delighted when you get 'em, I have no doubt. And it'll be all +to my advantage, won't it?' + +'It will be very much to your advantage,' answered Montague poising +a brush in each hand, and looking steadily upon him. 'It will be +very much to your advantage, I assure you.' + +'And you can tell me how,' said Jonas, 'can't you?' + +'SHALL I tell you how?' returned the other. + +'I think you had better,' said Jonas. 'Strange things have been +done in the Assurance way before now, by strange sorts of men, +and I mean to take care of myself.' + +'Chuzzlewit!' replied Montague, leaning forward, with his arms upon +his knees, and looking full into his face. 'Strange things have +been done, and are done every day; not only in our way, but in a +variety of other ways; and no one suspects them. But ours, as you +say, my good friend, is a strange way; and we strangely happen, +sometimes, to come into the knowledge of very strange events.' + +He beckoned to Jonas to bring his chair nearer; and looking slightly +round, as if to remind him of the presence of Nadgett, whispered in +his ear. + +From red to white; from white to red again; from red to yellow; then +to a cold, dull, awful, sweat-bedabbled blue. In that short +whisper, all these changes fell upon the face of Jonas Chuzzlewit; +and when at last he laid his hand upon the whisperer's mouth, +appalled, lest any syllable of what he said should reach the ears of +the third person present, it was as bloodless and as heavy as the +hand of Death. + +He drew his chair away, and sat a spectacle of terror, misery, and +rage. He was afraid to speak, or look, or move, or sit still. +Abject, crouching, and miserable, he was a greater degradation to +the form he bore, than if he had been a loathsome wound from head to +heel. + +His companion leisurely resumed his dressing, and completed it, +glancing sometimes with a smile at the transformation he had +effected, but never speaking once. + +'You'll not object,' he said, when he was quite equipped, 'to +venture further with us, Chuzzlewit, my friend?' + +His pale lips faintly stammered out a 'No.' + +'Well said! That's like yourself. Do you know I was thinking +yesterday that your father-in-law, relying on your advice as a man +of great sagacity in money matters, as no doubt you are, would join +us, if the thing were well presented to him. He has money?' + +'Yes, he has money.' + +'Shall I leave Mr Pecksniff to you? Will you undertake for Mr +Pecksniff.' + +'I'll try. I'll do my best.' + +'A thousand thanks,' replied the other, clapping him upon the +shoulder. 'Shall we walk downstairs? Mr Nadgett! Follow us, if +you please.' + +They went down in that order. Whatever Jonas felt in reference to +Montague; whatever sense he had of being caged, and barred, and +trapped, and having fallen down into a pit of deepest ruin; +whatever thoughts came crowding on his mind even at that early time, +of one terrible chance of escape, of one red glimmer in a sky of +blackness; he no more thought that the slinking figure half-a-dozen +stairs behind him was his pursuing Fate, than that the other figure +at his side was his Good Angel. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE + +CONTAINING SOME FURTHER PARTICULARS OF THE DOMESTIC ECONOMY OF THE +PINCHES; WITH STRANGE NEWS FROM THE CITY, NARROWLY CONCERNING TOM + + +Pleasant little Ruth! Cheerful, tidy, bustling, quiet little Ruth! +No doll's house ever yielded greater delight to its young mistress, +than little Ruth derived from her glorious dominion over the +triangular parlour and the two small bedrooms. + +To be Tom's housekeeper. What dignity! Housekeeping, upon the +commonest terms, associated itself with elevated responsibilities of +all sorts and kinds; but housekeeping for Tom implied the utmost +complication of grave trusts and mighty charges. Well might she +take the keys out of the little chiffonier which held the tea and +sugar; and out of the two little damp cupboards down by the +fireplace, where the very black beetles got mouldy, and had the +shine taken out of their backs by envious mildew; and jingle them +upon a ring before Tom's eyes when he came down to breakfast! Well +might she, laughing musically, put them up in that blessed little +pocket of hers with a merry pride! For it was such a grand novelty +to be mistress of anything, that if she had been the most relentless +and despotic of all little housekeepers, she might have pleaded just +that much for her excuse, and have been honourably acquitted. + +So far from being despotic, however, there was a coyness about her +very way of pouring out the tea, which Tom quite revelled in. And +when she asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and +faltered out 'chops' as a reasonably good suggestion after their +last night's successful supper, Tom grew quite facetious, and +rallied her desperately. + +'I don't know, Tom,' said his sister, blushing, 'I am not quite +confident, but I think I could make a beef-steak pudding, if I +tried, Tom.' + +'In the whole catalogue of cookery, there is nothing I should like +so much as a beef-steak pudding!' cried Tom, slapping his leg to +give the greater force to this reply. + +'Yes, dear, that's excellent! But if it should happen not to come +quite right the first time,' his sister faltered; 'if it should +happen not to be a pudding exactly, but should turn out a stew, or a +soup, or something of that sort, you'll not be vexed, Tom, will +you?' + +The serious way in which she looked at Tom; the way in which Tom +looked at her; and the way in which she gradually broke into a merry +laugh at her own expense, would have enchanted you. + +'Why,' said Tom 'this is capital. It gives us a new, and quite an +uncommon interest in the dinner. We put into a lottery for a +beefsteak pudding, and it is impossible to say what we may get. We +may make some wonderful discovery, perhaps, and produce such a dish +as never was known before.' + +'I shall not be at all surprised if we do, Tom,' returned his +sister, still laughing merrily, 'or if it should prove to be such a +dish as we shall not feel very anxious to produce again; but the +meat must come out of the saucepan at last, somehow or other, you +know. We can't cook it into nothing at all; that's a great comfort. +So if you like to venture, I will.' + +'I have not the least doubt,' rejoined Tom, 'that it will come out +an excellent pudding, or at all events, I am sure that I shall think +it so. There is naturally something so handy and brisk about you, +Ruth, that if you said you could make a bowl of faultless turtle +soup, I should believe you.' + +And Tom was right. She was precisely that sort of person. Nobody +ought to have been able to resist her coaxing manner; and nobody had +any business to try. Yet she never seemed to know it was her manner +at all. That was the best of it. + +Well! she washed up the breakfast cups, chatting away the whole +time, and telling Tom all sorts of anecdotes about the brass-and- +copper founder; put everything in its place; made the room as neat +as herself;--you must not suppose its shape was half as neat as hers +though, or anything like it--and brushed Tom's old hat round and +round and round again, until it was as sleek as Mr Pecksniff. Then +she discovered, all in a moment, that Tom's shirt-collar was frayed +at the edge; and flying upstairs for a needle and thread, came +flying down again with her thimble on, and set it right with +wonderful expertness; never once sticking the needle into his face, +although she was humming his pet tune from first to last, and +beating time with the fingers of her left hand upon his neckcloth. +She had no sooner done this, than off she was again; and there she +stood once more, as brisk and busy as a bee, tying that compact +little chin of hers into an equally compact little bonnet; intent +on bustling out to the butcher's, without a minute's loss of time; +and inviting Tom to come and see the steak cut, with his own eyes. +As to Tom, he was ready to go anywhere; so off they trotted, arm-in- +arm, as nimbly as you please; saying to each other what a quiet +street it was to lodge in, and how very cheap, and what an airy +situation. + +To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block, +and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly. +It was agreeable, too--it really was--to see him cut it off, so +smooth and juicy. There was nothing savage in the act, although the +knife was large and keen; it was a piece of art, high art; there was +delicacy of touch, clearness of tone, skillful handling of the +subject, fine shading. It was the triumph of mind over matter; +quite. + +Perhaps the greenest cabbage-leaf ever grown in a garden was wrapped +about this steak, before it was delivered over to Tom. But the +butcher had a sentiment for his business, and knew how to refine +upon it. When he saw Tom putting the cabbage-leaf into his pocket +awkwardly, he begged to be allowed to do it for him; 'for meat,' he +said with some emotion, 'must be humoured, not drove.' + +Back they went to the lodgings again, after they had bought some +eggs, and flour, and such small matters; and Tom sat gravely down to +write at one end of the parlour table, while Ruth prepared to make +the pudding at the other end; for there was nobody in the house but +an old woman (the landlord being a mysterious sort of man, who went +out early in the morning, and was scarcely ever seen); and saving in +mere household drudgery, they waited on themselves. + +'What are you writing, Tom?' inquired his sister, laying her hand +upon his shoulder. + +'Why, you see, my dear,' said Tom, leaning back in his chair, and +looking up in her face, 'I am very anxious, of course, to obtain +some suitable employment; and before Mr Westlock comes this +afternoon, I think I may as well prepare a little description of +myself and my qualifications; such as he could show to any friend of +his.' + +'You had better do the same for me, Tom, also,' said his sister, +casting down her eyes. 'I should dearly like to keep house for you +and take care of you always, Tom; but we are not rich enough for +that.' + +'We are not rich,' returned Tom, 'certainly; and we may be much +poorer. But we will not part if we can help it. No, no; we will +make up our minds Ruth, that unless we are so very unfortunate as to +render me quite sure that you would be better off away from me than +with me, we will battle it out together. I am certain we shall be +happier if we can battle it out together. Don't you think we +shall?' + +'Think, Tom!' + +'Oh, tut, tut!' interposed Tom, tenderly. 'You mustn't cry.' + +'No, no; I won't, Tom. But you can't afford it, dear. You can't, +indeed.' + +'We don't know that,' said Tom. 'How are we to know that, yet +awhile, and without trying? Lord bless my soul!'--Tom's energy +became quite grand--'there is no knowing what may happen, if we try +hard. And I am sure we can live contentedly upon a very little--if +we can only get it.' + +'Yes; that I am sure we can, Tom.' + +'Why, then,' said Tom, 'we must try for it. My friend, John +Westlock, is a capital fellow, and very shrewd and intelligent. +I'll take his advice. We'll talk it over with him--both of us +together. You'll like John very much, when you come to know him, I +am certain. Don't cry, don't cry. YOU make a beef-steak pudding, +indeed!' said Tom, giving her a gentle push. 'Why, you haven't +boldness enough for a dumpling!' + +'You WILL call it a pudding, Tom. Mind! I told you not!' + +'I may as well call it that, till it proves to be something else,' +said Tom. 'Oh, you are going to work in earnest, are you?' + +Aye, aye! That she was. And in such pleasant earnest, moreover, +that Tom's attention wandered from his writing every moment. First, +she tripped downstairs into the kitchen for the flour, then for the +pie-board, then for the eggs, then for the butter, then for a jug of +water, then for the rolling-pin, then for a pudding-basin, then for +the pepper, then for the salt; making a separate journey for +everything, and laughing every time she started off afresh. When +all the materials were collected she was horrified to find she had +no apron on, and so ran UPstairs by way of variety, to fetch it. +She didn't put it on upstairs, but came dancing down with it in her +hand; and being one of those little women to whom an apron is a most +becoming little vanity, it took an immense time to arrange; having +to be carefully smoothed down beneath--Oh, heaven, what a wicked +little stomacher!--and to be gathered up into little plaits by the +strings before it could be tied, and to be tapped, rebuked, and +wheedled, at the pockets, before it would set right, which at last +it did, and when it did--but never mind; this is a sober chronicle. +And then, there were her cuffs to be tucked up, for fear of flour; +and she had a little ring to pull off her finger, which wouldn't +come off (foolish little ring!); and during the whole of these +preparations she looked demurely every now and then at Tom, from +under her dark eyelashes, as if they were all a part of the pudding, +and indispensable to its composition. + +For the life and soul of him, Tom could get no further in his writing +than, 'A respectable young man, aged thirty-five,' and this, +notwithstanding the show she made of being supernaturally quiet, and +going about on tiptoe, lest she should disturb him; which only +served as an additional means of distracting his attention, and +keeping it upon her. + +'Tom,' she said at last, in high glee. 'Tom!' + +'What now?' said Tom, repeating to himself, 'aged thirty-five!' + +'Will you look here a moment, please?' + +As if he hadn't been looking all the time! + +'I am going to begin, Tom. Don't you wonder why I butter the inside +of the basin?' said his busy little sister. + +'Not more than you do, I dare say,' replied Tom, laughing. 'For I +believe you don't know anything about it.' + +'What an infidel you are, Tom! How else do you think it would turn +out easily when it was done! For a civil-engineer and land-surveyor +not to know that! My goodness, Tom!' + +It was wholly out of the question to try to write. Tom lined out +'respectable young man, aged thirty-five;' and sat looking on, pen +in hand, with one of the most loving smiles imaginable. + +Such a busy little woman as she was! So full of self-importance and +trying so hard not to smile, or seem uncertain about anything! It +was a perfect treat to Tom to see her with her brows knit, and her +rosy lips pursed up, kneading away at the crust, rolling it out, +cutting it up into strips, lining the basin with it, shaving it off +fine round the rim, chopping up the steak into small pieces, raining +down pepper and salt upon them, packing them into the basin, pouring +in cold water for gravy, and never venturing to steal a look in his +direction, lest her gravity should be disturbed; until, at last, the +basin being quite full and only wanting the top crust, she clapped +her hands all covered with paste and flour, at Tom, and burst out +heartily into such a charming little laugh of triumph, that the +pudding need have had no other seasoning to commend it to the taste +of any reasonable man on earth. + +'Where's the pudding?' said Tom. For he was cutting his jokes, Tom +was. + +'Where!' she answered, holding it up with both hands. 'Look at it!' + +'THAT a pudding!' said Tom. + +'It WILL be, you stupid fellow, when it's covered in,' returned his +sister. Tom still pretending to look incredulous, she gave him a +tap on the head with the rolling-pin, and still laughing merrily, +had returned to the composition of the top crust, when she started +and turned very red. Tom started, too, for following her eyes, he +saw John Westlock in the room. + +'Why, my goodness, John! How did YOU come in?' + +'I beg pardon,' said John--' your sister's pardon especially--but I +met an old lady at the street door, who requested me to enter here; +and as you didn't hear me knock, and the door was open, I made bold +to do so. I hardly know,' said John, with a smile, 'why any of us +should be disconcerted at my having accidentally intruded upon such +an agreeable domestic occupation, so very agreeably and skillfully +pursued; but I must confess that I am. Tom, will you kindly come to +my relief?' + +'Mr John Westlock,' said Tom. 'My sister.' + +'I hope that, as the sister of so old a friend,' said John, laughing +'you will have the goodness to detach your first impressions of me +from my unfortunate entrance.' + +'My sister is not indisposed perhaps to say the same to you on her +own behalf,' retorted Tom. + +John said, of course, that this was quite unnecessary, for he had +been transfixed in silent admiration; and he held out his hand to +Miss Pinch; who couldn't take it, however, by reason of the flour +and paste upon her own. This, which might seem calculated to +increase the general confusion and render matters worse, had in +reality the best effect in the world, for neither of them could help +laughing; and so they both found themselves on easy terms +immediately. + +'I am delighted to see you,' said Tom. 'Sit down.' + +'I can only think of sitting down on one condition,' returned his +friend; 'and that is, that your sister goes on with the pudding, as +if you were still alone.' + +'That I am sure she will,' said Tom. 'On one other condition, and +that is, that you stay and help us to eat it.' + +Poor little Ruth was seized with a palpitation of the heart when Tom +committed this appalling indiscretion, for she felt that if the dish +turned out a failure, she never would be able to hold up her head +before John Westlock again. Quite unconscious of her state of mind, +John accepted the invitation with all imaginable heartiness; and +after a little more pleasantry concerning this same pudding, and the +tremendous expectations he made believe to entertain of it, she +blushingly resumed her occupation, and he took a chair. + +'I am here much earlier than I intended, Tom; but I will tell you, +what brings me, and I think I can answer for your being glad to hear +it. Is that anything you wish to show me?' + +'Oh dear no!' cried Tom, who had forgotten the blotted scrap of +paper in his hand, until this inquiry brought it to his +recollection. '"A respectable young man, aged thirty-five"--The +beginning of a description of myself. That's all.' + +'I don't think you will have occasion to finish it, Tom. But how is +it you never told me you had friends in London?' + +Tom looked at his sister with all his might; and certainly his +sister looked with all her might at him. + +'Friends in London!' echoed Tom. + +'Ah!' said Westlock, 'to be sure.' + +'Have YOU any friends in London, Ruth, my dear!' asked Tom. + +'No, Tom.' + +'I am very happy to hear that I have,' said Tom, 'but it's news to +me. I never knew it. They must be capital people to keep a secret, +John.' + +'You shall judge for yourself,' returned the other. 'Seriously, +Tom, here is the plain state of the case. As I was sitting at +breakfast this morning, there comes a knock at my door.' + +'On which you cried out, very loud, "Come in!"' suggested Tom. + +'So I did. And the person who knocked, not being a respectable +young man, aged thirty-five, from the country, came in when he was +invited, instead of standing gaping and staring about him on the +landing. Well! When he came in, I found he was a stranger; a grave, +business-like, sedate-looking, stranger. "Mr Westlock?" said he. +"That is my name," said I. "The favour of a few words with you?" +said he. "Pray be seated, sir," said I.' + +Here John stopped for an instant, to glance towards the table, where +Tom's sister, listening attentively, was still busy with the basin, +which by this time made a noble appearance. Then he resumed: + +'The pudding having taken a chair, Tom--' + +'What!' cried Tom. + +'Having taken a chair.' + +'You said a pudding.' + +'No, no,' replied John, colouring rather; 'a chair. The idea of a +stranger coming into my rooms at half-past eight o'clock in the +morning, and taking a pudding! Having taken a chair, Tom, a chair-- +amazed me by opening the conversation thus: "I believe you are +acquainted, sir, with Mr Thomas Pinch?" + +'No!' cried Tom. + +'His very words, I assure you. I told him I was. Did I know where +you were at present residing? Yes. In London? Yes. He had +casually heard, in a roundabout way, that you had left your +situation with Mr Pecksniff. Was that the fact? Yes, it was. Did +you want another? Yes, you did.' + +'Certainly,' said Tom, nodding his head. + +'Just what I impressed upon him. You may rest assured that I set +that point beyond the possibility of any mistake, and gave him +distinctly to understand that he might make up his mind about it. +Very well.' + +"Then," said he, "I think I can accommodate him."' + +Tom's sister stopped short. + +'Lord bless me!' cried Tom. 'Ruth, my dear, "think I can +accommodate him."' + +'Of course I begged him,' pursued John Westlock, glancing at Tom's +sister, who was not less eager in her interest than Tom himself, 'to +proceed, and said that I would undertake to see you immediately. He +replied that he had very little to say, being a man of few words, +but such as it was, it was to the purpose--and so, indeed, it turned +out--for he immediately went on to tell me that a friend of his was +in want of a kind of secretary and librarian; and that although the +salary was small, being only a hundred pounds a year, with neither +board nor lodging, still the duties were not heavy, and there the +post was. Vacant, and ready for your acceptance.' + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom; 'a hundred pounds a year! My dear +John! Ruth, my love! A hundred pounds a year!' + +'But the strangest part of the story,' resumed John Westlock, laying +his hand on Tom's wrist, to bespeak his attention, and repress his +ecstasies for the moment; 'the strangest part of the story, Miss +Pinch, is this. I don't know this man from Adam; neither does this +man know Tom.' + +'He can't,' said Tom, in great perplexity, 'if he's a Londoner. I +don't know any one in London.' + +'And on my observing,' John resumed, still keeping his hand upon +Tom's wrist, 'that I had no doubt he would excuse the freedom I took +in inquiring who directed him to me; how he came to know of the +change which had taken place in my friend's position; and how he +came to be acquainted with my friend's peculiar fitness for such an +office as he had described; he drily said that he was not at liberty +to enter into any explanations.' + +'Not at liberty to enter into any explanations!' repeated Tom, +drawing a long breath. + +'"I must be perfectly aware," he said,' John added, '"that to any +person who had ever been in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, Mr Thomas +Pinch and his acquirements were as well known as the Church steeple, +or the Blue Dragon."' + +'The Blue Dragon!' repeated Tom, staring alternately at his friend +and his sister. + +'Aye, think of that! He spoke as familiarly of the Blue Dragon, I +give you my word, as if he had been Mark Tapley. I opened my eyes, +I can tell you, when he did so; but I could not fancy I had ever +seen the man before, although he said with a smile, "You know the +Blue Dragon, Mr Westlock; you kept it up there, once or twice, +yourself." Kept it up there! So I did. You remember, Tom?' + +Tom nodded with great significance, and, falling into a state of +deeper perplexity than before, observed that this was the most +unaccountable and extraordinary circumstance he had ever heard of +in his life. + +'Unaccountable?' his friend repeated. 'I became afraid of the man. +Though it was broad day, and bright sunshine, I was positively +afraid of him. I declare I half suspected him to be a supernatural +visitor, and not a mortal, until he took out a common-place +description of pocket-book, and handed me this card.' + +'Mr Fips,' said Tom, reading it aloud. 'Austin Friars. Austin +Friars sounds ghostly, John.' + +'Fips don't, I think,' was John's reply. 'But there he lives, Tom, +and there he expects us to call this morning. And now you know as +much of this strange incident as I do, upon my honour.' + +Tom's face, between his exultation in the hundred pounds a year, and +his wonder at this narration, was only to be equalled by the face of +his sister, on which there sat the very best expression of blooming +surprise that any painter could have wished to see. What the beef- +steak pudding would have come to, if it had not been by this time +finished, astrology itself could hardly determine. + +'Tom,' said Ruth, after a little hesitation, 'perhaps Mr Westlock, +in his friendship for you, knows more of this than he chooses to +tell.' + +'No, indeed!' cried John, eagerly. 'It is not so, I assure you. I +wish it were. I cannot take credit to myself, Miss Pinch, for any +such thing. All that I know, or, so far as I can judge, am likely +to know, I have told you.' + +'Couldn't you know more, if you thought proper?' said Ruth, scraping +the pie-board industriously. + +'No,' retorted John. 'Indeed, no. It is very ungenerous in you to +be so suspicious of me when I repose implicit faith in you. I have +unbounded confidence in the pudding, Miss Pinch.' + +She laughed at this, but they soon got back into a serious vein, and +discussed the subject with profound gravity. Whatever else was +obscure in the business, it appeared to be quite plain that Tom was +offered a salary of one hundred pounds a year; and this being the +main point, the surrounding obscurity rather set it off than +otherwise. + +Tom, being in a great flutter, wished to start for Austin Friars +instantly, but they waited nearly an hour, by John's advice, before +they departed. Tom made himself as spruce as he could before +leaving home, and when John Westlock, through the half-opened +parlour door, had glimpses of that brave little sister brushing the +collar of his coat in the passage, taking up loose stitches in his +gloves and hovering lightly about and about him, touching him up +here and there in the height of her quaint, little, old-fashioned +tidiness, he called to mind the fancy-portraits of her on the wall +of the Pecksniffian workroom, and decided with uncommon indignation +that they were gross libels, and not half pretty enough; though, as +hath been mentioned in its place, the artists always made those +sketches beautiful, and he had drawn at least a score of them with +his own hands. + +'Tom,' he said, as they were walking along, 'I begin to think you +must be somebody's son.' + +'I suppose I am,' Tom answered in his quiet way. + +'But I mean somebody's of consequence.' + +'Bless your heart,' replied Tom, 'my poor father was of no +consequence, nor my mother either.' + +'You remember them perfectly, then?' + +'Remember them? oh dear yes. My poor mother was the last. She +died when Ruth was a mere baby, and then we both became a charge +upon the savings of that good old grandmother I used to tell you of. +You remember! Oh! There's nothing romantic in our history, John.' + +'Very well,' said John in quiet despair. 'Then there is no way of +accounting for my visitor of this morning. So we'll not try, Tom.' + +They did try, notwithstanding, and never left off trying until they +got to Austin Friars, where, in a very dark passage on the first +floor, oddly situated at the back of a house, across some leads, +they found a little blear-eyed glass door up in one corner, with MR. +FIPS painted on it in characters which were meant to be transparent. +There was also a wicked old sideboard hiding in the gloom hard by, +meditating designs upon the ribs of visitors; and an old mat, worn +into lattice work, which, being useless as a mat (even if anybody +could have seen it, which was impossible), had for many years +directed its industry into another channel, and regularly tripped up +every one of Mr Fips's clients. + +Mr Fips, hearing a violent concussion between a human hat and his +office door, was apprised, by the usual means of communication, that +somebody had come to call upon him, and giving that somebody +admission, observed that it was 'rather dark.' + +'Dark indeed,' John whispered in Tom Pinch's ear. 'Not a bad place +to dispose of a countryman in, I should think, Tom.' + +Tom had been already turning over in his mind the possibility of +their having been tempted into that region to furnish forth a pie; +but the sight of Mr Fips, who was small and spare, and looked +peaceable, and wore black shorts and powder, dispelled his doubts. + +'Walk in,' said Mr Fips. + +They walked in. And a mighty yellow-jaundiced little office Mr Fips +had of it; with a great, black, sprawling splash upon the floor in +one corner, as if some old clerk had cut his throat there, years +ago, and had let out ink instead of blood. + +'I have brought my friend Mr Pinch, sir,' said John Westlock. + +'Be pleased to sit,' said Mr Fips. + +They occupied the two chairs, and Mr Fips took the office stool from +the stuffing whereof he drew forth a piece of horse-hair of immense +length, which he put into his mouth with a great appearance of +appetite. + +He looked at Tom Pinch curiously, but with an entire freedom from +any such expression as could be reasonably construed into an unusual +display of interest. After a short silence, during which Mr Fips +was so perfectly unembarrassed as to render it manifest that he +could have broken it sooner without hesitation, if he had felt +inclined to do so, he asked if Mr Westlock had made his offer fully +known to Mr Pinch. + +John answered in the affirmative. + +'And you think it worth your while, sir, do you?' Mr Fips inquired +of Tom. + +'I think it a piece of great good fortune, sir,' said Tom. 'I am +exceedingly obliged to you for the offer.' + +'Not to me,' said Mr Fips. 'I act upon instructions.' + +'To your friend, sir, then,' said Tom. 'To the gentleman with whom +I am to engage, and whose confidence I shall endeavour to deserve. +When he knows me better, sir, I hope he will not lose his good +opinion of me. He will find me punctual and vigilant, and anxious +to do what is right. That I think I can answer for, and so,' +looking towards him, 'can Mr Westlock.' + +'Most assuredly,' said John. + +Mr Fips appeared to have some little difficulty in resuming the +conversation. To relieve himself, he took up the wafer-stamp, and +began stamping capital F's all over his legs. + +'The fact is,' said Mr Fips, 'that my friend is not, at this present +moment, in town.' + +Tom's countenance fell; for he thought this equivalent to telling +him that his appearance did not answer; and that Fips must look out +for somebody else. + +'When do you think he will be in town, sir?' he asked. + +'I can't say; it's impossible to tell. I really have no idea. +But,' said Fips, taking off a very deep impression of the wafer- +stamp upon the calf of his left leg, and looking steadily at Tom, 'I +don't know that it's a matter of much consequence.' + +Poor Tom inclined his head deferentially, but appeared to doubt +that. + +'I say,' repeated Mr Fips, 'that I don't know it's a matter of much +consequence. The business lies entirely between yourself and me, Mr +Pinch. With reference to your duties, I can set you going; and with +reference to your salary, I can pay it. Weekly,' said Mr Fips, +putting down the wafer-stamp, and looking at John Westlock and Tom +Pinch by turns, 'weekly; in this office; at any time between the +hours of four and five o'clock in the afternoon.' As Mr Fips said +this, he made up his face as if he were going to whistle. But he +didn't. + +'You are very good,' said Tom, whose countenance was now suffused +with pleasure; 'and nothing can be more satisfactory or +straightforward. My attendance will be required--' + +'From half-past nine to four o'clock or so, I should say,' +interrupted Mr Fips. 'About that.' + +'I did not mean the hours of attendance,' retorted Tom, 'which are +light and easy, I am sure; but the place.' + +'Oh, the place! The place is in the Temple.' + +Tom was delighted. + +'Perhaps,' said Mr Fips, 'you would like to see the place?' + +'Oh, dear!' cried Tom. 'I shall only be too glad to consider myself +engaged, if you will allow me; without any further reference to the +place.' + +'You may consider yourself engaged, by all means,' said Mr Fips; +'you couldn't meet me at the Temple Gate in Fleet Street, in an hour +from this time, I suppose, could you?' + +Certainly Tom could. + +'Good,' said Mr Fips, rising. 'Then I will show you the place; and +you can begin your attendance to-morrow morning. In an hour, +therefore, I shall see you. You too, Mr Westlock? Very good. Take +care how you go. It's rather dark.' + +With this remark, which seemed superfluous, he shut them out upon +the staircase, and they groped their way into the street again. +The interview had done so little to remove the mystery in which +Tom's new engagement was involved, and had done so much to thicken +it, that neither could help smiling at the puzzled looks of the +other. They agreed, however, that the introduction of Tom to his +new office and office companions could hardly fail to throw a light +upon the subject; and therefore postponed its further consideration +until after the fulfillment of the appointment they had made with Mr +Fips. + +After looking at John Westlock's chambers, and devoting a few spare +minutes to the Boar's Head, they issued forth again to the place of +meeting. The time agreed upon had not quite come; but Mr Fips was +already at the Temple Gate, and expressed his satisfaction at their +punctuality. + +He led the way through sundry lanes and courts, into one more quiet +and more gloomy than the rest, and, singling out a certain house, +ascended a common staircase; taking from his pocket, as he went, a +bunch of rusty keys. Stopping before a door upon an upper story, +which had nothing but a yellow smear of paint where custom would +have placed the tenant's name, he began to beat the dust out of one +of these keys, very deliberately, upon the great broad handrail of +the balustrade. + +'You had better have a little plug made,' he said, looking round at +Tom, after blowing a shrill whistle into the barrel of the key. +'It's the only way of preventing them from getting stopped up. +You'll find the lock go the better, too, I dare say, for a little +oil.' + +Tom thanked him; but was too much occupied with his own +speculations, and John Westlock's looks, to be very talkative. In +the meantime Mr Fips opened the door, which yielded to his hand very +unwillingly, and with a horribly discordant sound. He took the key +out, when he had done so, and gave it to Tom. + +'Aye, aye!' said Mr Fips. 'The dust lies rather thick here.' + +Truly, it did. Mr Fips might have gone so far as to say, very +thick. It had accumulated everywhere; lay deep on everything, and +in one part, where a ray of sun shone through a crevice in the +shutter and struck upon the opposite wall, it went twirling round +and round, like a gigantic squirrel-cage. + +Dust was the only thing in the place that had any motion about it. +When their conductor admitted the light freely, and lifting up the +heavy window-sash, let in the summer air, he showed the mouldering +furniture, discoloured wainscoting and ceiling, rusty stove, and +ashy hearth, in all their inert neglect. Close to the door there +stood a candlestick, with an extinguisher upon it; as if the last +man who had been there had paused, after securing a retreat, to take +a parting look at the dreariness he left behind, and then had shut +out light and life together, and closed the place up like a tomb. + +There were two rooms on that floor; and in the first or outer one a +narrow staircase, leading to two more above. These last were fitted +up as bed-chambers. Neither in them, nor in the rooms below, was +any scarcity of convenient furniture observable, although the +fittings were of a bygone fashion; but solitude and want of use +seemed to have rendered it unfit for any purposes of comfort, and to +have given it a grisly, haunted air. + +Movables of every kind lay strewn about, without the least attempt +at order, and were intermixed with boxes, hampers, and all sorts of +lumber. On all the floors were piles of books, to the amount, +perhaps, of some thousands of volumes: these, still in bales; those, +wrapped in paper, as they had been purchased; others scattered +singly or in heaps; not one upon the shelves which lined the walls. +To these Mr Fips called Tom's attention. + +'Before anything else can be done, we must have them put in order, +catalogued, and ranged upon the book-shelves, Mr Pinch. That will +do to begin with, I think, sir.' + +Tom rubbed his hands in the pleasant anticipation of a task so +congenial to his taste, and said: + +'An occupation full of interest for me, I assure you. It will +occupy me, perhaps, until Mr.--' + +'Until Mr.--' repeated Fips; as much as to ask Tom what he was +stopping for. + +'I forgot that you had not mentioned the gentleman's name,' said +Tom. + +'Oh!' cried Mr Fips, pulling on his glove, 'didn't I? No, by-the- +bye, I don't think I did. Ah! I dare say he'll be here soon. You +will get on very well together, I have no doubt. I wish you success +I am sure. You won't forget to shut the door? It'll lock of itself +if you slam it. Half-past nine, you know. Let us say from half- +past nine to four, or half-past four, or thereabouts; one day, +perhaps, a little earlier, another day, perhaps, a little later, +according as you feel disposed, and as you arrange your work. Mr +Fips, Austin Friars of course you'll remember? And you won't forget +to slam the door, if you please!' + +He said all this in such a comfortable, easy manner, that Tom could +only rub his hands, and nod his head, and smile in acquiescence +which he was still doing, when Mr Fips walked coolly out. + +'Why, he's gone!' cried Tom. + +'And what's more, Tom,' said John Westlock, seating himself upon a +pile of books, and looking up at his astonished friend, 'he is +evidently not coming back again; so here you are, installed. Under +rather singular circumstances, Tom!' + +It was such an odd affair throughout, and Tom standing there among +the books with his hat in one hand and the key in the other, looked +so prodigiously confounded, that his friend could not help laughing +heartily. Tom himself was tickled; no less by the hilarity of his +friend than by the recollection of the sudden manner in which he had +been brought to a stop, in the very height of his urbane conference +with Mr Fips; so by degrees Tom burst out laughing too; and each +making the other laugh more, they fairly roared. + +When they had had their laugh out, which did not happen very soon, +for give John an inch that way and he was sure to take several ells, +being a jovial, good-tempered fellow, they looked about them more +closely, groping among the lumber for any stray means of +enlightenment that might turn up. But no scrap or shred of +information could they find. The books were marked with a variety +of owner's names, having, no doubt, been bought at sales, and +collected here and there at different times; but whether any one of +these names belonged to Tom's employer, and, if so, which of them, +they had no means whatever of determining. It occurred to John as a +very bright thought to make inquiry at the steward's office, to whom +the chambers belonged, or by whom they were held; but he came back +no wiser than he went, the answer being, 'Mr Fips, of Austin +Friars.' + +'After all, Tom, I begin to think it lies no deeper than this. Fips +is an eccentric man; has some knowledge of Pecksniff; despises him, +of course; has heard or seen enough of you to know that you are the +man he wants; and engages you in his own whimsical manner.' + +'But why in his own whimsical manner?' asked Tom. + +'Oh! why does any man entertain his own whimsical taste? Why does +Mr Fips wear shorts and powder, and Mr Fips's next-door neighbour +boots and a wig?' + +Tom, being in that state of mind in which any explanation is a great +relief, adopted this last one (which indeed was quite as feasible as +any other) readily, and said he had no doubt of it. Nor was his +faith at all shaken by his having said exactly the same thing to +each suggestion of his friend's in turn, and being perfectly ready +to say it again if he had any new solution to propose. + +As he had not, Tom drew down the window-sash, and folded the +shutter; and they left the rooms. He closed the door heavily, as Mr +Fips had desired him; tried it, found it all safe, and put the key +in his pocket. + +They made a pretty wide circuit in going back to Islington, as they +had time to spare, and Tom was never tired of looking about him. It +was well he had John Westlock for his companion, for most people +would have been weary of his perpetual stoppages at shop-windows, +and his frequent dashes into the crowded carriage-way at the peril +of his life, to get the better view of church steeples, and other +public buildings. But John was charmed to see him so much +interested, and every time Tom came back with a beaming face from +among the wheels of carts and hackney-coaches, wholly unconscious of +the personal congratulations addressed to him by the drivers, John +seemed to like him better than before. + +There was no flour on Ruth's hands when she received them in the +triangular parlour, but there were pleasant smiles upon her face, +and a crowd of welcomes shining out of every smile, and gleaming in +her bright eyes. By the bye, how bright they were! Looking into +them for but a moment, when you took her hand, you saw, in each, +such a capital miniature of yourself, representing you as such a +restless, flashing, eager, brilliant little fellow-- + +Ah! if you could only have kept them for your own miniature! But, +wicked, roving, restless, too impartial eyes, it was enough for any +one to stand before them, and, straightway, there he danced and +sparkled quite as merrily as you! + +The table was already spread for dinner; and though it was spread +with nothing very choice in the way of glass or linen, and with +green-handled knives, and very mountebanks of two-pronged forks, +which seemed to be trying how far asunder they could possibly +stretch their legs without converting themselves into double the +number of iron toothpicks, it wanted neither damask, silver, gold, +nor china; no, nor any other garniture at all. There it was; and, +being there, nothing else would have done as well. + +The success of that initiative dish; that first experiment of hers +in cookery; was so entire, so unalloyed and perfect, that John +Westlock and Tom agreed she must have been studying the art in +secret for a long time past; and urged her to make a full confession +of the fact. They were exceedingly merry over this jest, and many +smart things were said concerning it; but John was not as fair in +his behaviour as might have been expected, for, after luring Tom +Pinch on for a long time, he suddenly went over to the enemy, and +swore to everything his sister said. However, as Tom observed the +same night before going to bed, it was only in joke, and John had +always been famous for being polite to ladies, even when he was +quite a boy. Ruth said, 'Oh! indeed!' She didn't say anything else. + +It is astonishing how much three people may find to talk about. +They scarcely left off talking once. And it was not all lively chat +which occupied them; for when Tom related how he had seen Mr +Pecksniff's daughters, and what a change had fallen on the younger, +they were very serious. + +John Westlock became quite absorbed in her fortunes; asking many +questions of Tom Pinch about her marriage, inquiring whether her +husband was the gentleman whom Tom had brought to dine with him at +Salisbury; in what degree of relationship they stood towards each +other, being different persons; and taking, in short, the greatest +interest in the subject. Tom then went into it, at full length; he +told how Martin had gone abroad, and had not been heard of for a +long time; how Dragon Mark had borne him company; how Mr Pecksniff +had got the poor old doting grandfather into his power; and how he +basely sought the hand of Mary Graham. But not a word said Tom of +what lay hidden in his heart; his heart, so deep, and true, and full +of honour, and yet with so much room for every gentle and unselfish +thought; not a word. + +Tom, Tom! The man in all this world most confident in his sagacity +and shrewdness; the man in all this world most proud of his distrust +of other men, and having most to show in gold and silver as the +gains belonging to his creed; the meekest favourer of that wise +doctrine, Every man for himself, and God for us all (there being +high wisdom in the thought that the Eternal Majesty of Heaven ever +was, or can be, on the side of selfish lust and love!); shall never +find, oh, never find, be sure of that, the time come home to him, +when all his wisdom is an idiot's folly, weighed against a simple +heart! + +Well, well, Tom, it was simple too, though simple in a different +way, to be so eager touching that same theatre, of which John said, +when tea was done, he had the absolute command, so far as taking +parties in without the payment of a sixpence was concerned; and +simpler yet, perhaps, never to suspect that when he went in first, +alone, he paid the money! Simple in thee, dear Tom, to laugh and cry +so heartily at such a sorry show, so poorly shown; simple to be so +happy and loquacious trudging home with Ruth; simple to be so +surprised to find that merry present of a cookery-book awaiting her +in the parlour next morning, with the beef-steak-pudding-leaf turned +down and blotted out. There! Let the record stand! Thy quality of +soul was simple, simple, quite contemptible, Tom Pinch! + + + +CHAPTER FORTY + +THE PINCHES MAKE A NEW ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAVE FRESH OCCASION FOR +SURPRISE AND WONDER + + +There was a ghostly air about these uninhabited chambers in the +Temple, and attending every circumstance of Tom's employment there, +which had a strange charm in it. Every morning when he shut his +door at Islington, he turned his face towards an atmosphere of +unaccountable fascination, as surely as he turned it to the London +smoke; and from that moment it thickened round and round him all day +long, until the time arrived for going home again, and leaving it, +like a motionless cloud, behind. + +It seemed to Tom, every morning, that he approached this ghostly +mist, and became enveloped in it, by the easiest succession of +degrees imaginable. Passing from the roar and rattle of the streets +into the quiet court-yards of the Temple, was the first preparation. +Every echo of his footsteps sounded to him like a sound from the old +walls and pavements, wanting language to relate the histories of the +dim, dismal rooms; to tell him what lost documents were decaying in +forgotten corners of the shut-up cellars, from whose lattices such +mouldy sighs came breathing forth as he went past; to whisper of +dark bins of rare old wine, bricked up in vaults among the old +foundations of the Halls; or mutter in a lower tone yet darker +legends of the cross-legged knights, whose marble effigies were in +the church. With the first planting of his foot upon the staircase +of his dusty office, all these mysteries increased; until, ascending +step by step, as Tom ascended, they attained their full growth in +the solitary labours of the day. + +Every day brought one recurring, never-failing source of +speculation. This employer; would he come to-day, and what would he +be like? For Tom could not stop short at Mr Fips; he quite believed +that Mr Fips had spoken truly, when he said he acted for another; +and what manner of man that other was, became a full-blown flower of +wonder in the garden of Tom's fancy, which never faded or got +trodden down. + +At one time, he conceived that Mr Pecksniff, repenting of his +falsehood, might, by exertion of his influence with some third +person have devised these means of giving him employment. He found +this idea so insupportable after what had taken place between that +good man and himself, that he confided it to John Westlock on the +very same day; informing John that he would rather ply for hire as a +porter, than fall so low in his own esteem as to accept the smallest +obligation from the hands of Mr Pecksniff. But John assured him +that he (Tom Pinch) was far from doing justice to the character of +Mr Pecksniff yet, if he supposed that gentleman capable of +performing a generous action; and that he might make his mind quite +easy on that head until he saw the sun turn green and the moon +black, and at the same time distinctly perceived with the naked eye, +twelve first-rate comets careering round those planets. In which +unusual state of things, he said (and not before), it might become +not absolutely lunatic to suspect Mr Pecksniff of anything so +monstrous. In short he laughed the idea down completely; and Tom, +abandoning it, was thrown upon his beam-ends again, for some other +solution. + +In the meantime Tom attended to his duties daily, and made +considerable progress with the books; which were already reduced to +some sort of order, and made a great appearance in his fairly- +written catalogue. During his business hours, he indulged himself +occasionally with snatches of reading; which were often, indeed, a +necessary part of his pursuit; and as he usually made bold to carry +one of these goblin volumes home at night (always bringing it back +again next morning, in case his strange employer should appear and +ask what had become of it), he led a happy, quiet, studious kind of +life, after his own heart. + +But though the books were never so interesting, and never so full of +novelty to Tom, they could not so enchain him, in those mysterious +chambers, as to render him unconscious, for a moment, of the +lightest sound. Any footstep on the flags without set him listening +attentively and when it turned into that house, and came up, up, up +the stairs, he always thought with a beating heart, 'Now I am coming +face to face with him at last!' But no footstep ever passed the +floor immediately below: except his own. + +This mystery and loneliness engendered fancies in Tom's mind, the +folly of which his common sense could readily discover, but which +his common sense was quite unable to keep away, notwithstanding; +that quality being with most of us, in such a case, like the old +French Police--quick at detection, but very weak as a preventive +power. Misgivings, undefined, absurd, inexplicable, that there was +some one hiding in the inner room--walking softly overhead, peeping +in through the door-chink, doing something stealthy, anywhere where +he was not--came over him a hundred times a day, making it pleasant +to throw up the sash, and hold communication even with the sparrows +who had built in the roof and water-spout, and were twittering about +the windows all day long. + +He sat with the outer door wide open, at all times, that he might +hear the footsteps as they entered, and turned off into the chambers +on the lower floor. He formed odd prepossessions too, regarding +strangers in the streets; and would say within himself of such or +such a man, who struck him as having anything uncommon in his dress +or aspect, 'I shouldn't wonder, now, if that were he!' But it never +was. And though he actually turned back and followed more than one +of these suspected individuals, in a singular belief that they were +going to the place he was then upon his way from, he never got any +other satisfaction by it, than the satisfaction of knowing it was +not the case. + +Mr Fips, of Austin Friars, rather deepened than illumined the +obscurity of his position; for on the first occasion of Tom's +waiting on him to receive his weekly pay, he said: + +'Oh! by the bye, Mr Pinch, you needn't mention it, if you please!' + +Tom thought he was going to tell him a secret; so he said that he +wouldn't on any account, and that Mr Fips might entirely depend upon +him. But as Mr Fips said 'Very good,' in reply, and nothing more, +Tom prompted him: + +'Not on any account,' repeated Tom. + +Mr Fips repeated: 'Very good.' + +'You were going to say'--Tom hinted. + +'Oh dear no!' cried Fips. 'Not at all.' However, seeing Tom +confused, he added, 'I mean that you needn't mention any particulars +about your place of employment, to people generally. You'll find it +better not.' + +'I have not had the pleasure of seeing my employer yet, sir,' +observed Tom, putting his week's salary in his pocket. + +'Haven't you?' said Fips. 'No, I don't suppose you have though.' + +'I should like to thank him, and to know that what I have done so +far, is done to his satisfaction,' faltered Tom. + +'Quite right,' said Mr Fips, with a yawn. 'Highly creditable. Very +proper.' + +Tom hastily resolved to try him on another tack. + +'I shall soon have finished with the books,' he said. 'I hope that +will not terminate my engagement, sir, or render me useless?' + +'Oh dear no!' retorted Fips. 'Plenty to do; plen-ty to do! Be +careful how you go. It's rather dark.' + +This was the very utmost extent of information Tom could ever get +out of HIM. So it was dark enough in all conscience; and if Mr Fips +expressed himself with a double meaning, he had good reason for +doing so. + +But now a circumstance occurred, which helped to divert Tom's +thoughts from even this mystery, and to divide them between it and a +new channel, which was a very Nile in itself. + +The way it came about was this. Having always been an early riser +and having now no organ to engage him in sweet converse every +morning, it was his habit to take a long walk before going to the +Temple; and naturally inclining, as a stranger, towards those parts +of the town which were conspicuous for the life and animation +pervading them, he became a great frequenter of the market-places, +bridges, quays, and especially the steam-boat wharves; for it was +very lively and fresh to see the people hurrying away upon their +many schemes of business or pleasure, and it made Tom glad to think +that there was that much change and freedom in the monotonous +routine of city lives. + +In most of these morning excursions Ruth accompanied him. As their +landlord was always up and away at his business (whatever that might +be, no one seemed to know) at a very early hour, the habits of the +people of the house in which they lodged corresponded with their +own. Thus they had often finished their breakfast, and were out in +the summer air, by seven o'clock. After a two hours' stroll they +parted at some convenient point; Tom going to the Temple, and his +sister returning home, as methodically as you please. + +Many and many a pleasant stroll they had in Covent Garden Market; +snuffing up the perfume of the fruits and flowers, wondering at the +magnificence of the pineapples and melons; catching glimpses down +side avenues, of rows and rows of old women, seated on inverted +baskets, shelling peas; looking unutterable things at the fat bundles +of asparagus with which the dainty shops were fortified as with a +breastwork; and, at the herbalist's doors, gratefully inhaling +scents as of veal-stuffing yet uncooked, dreamily mixed up with +capsicums, brown-paper, seeds, even with hints of lusty snails and +fine young curly leeches. Many and many a pleasant stroll they had +among the poultry markets, where ducks and fowls, with necks +unnaturally long, lay stretched out in pairs, ready for cooking; +where there were speckled eggs in mossy baskets, white country +sausages beyond impeachment by surviving cat or dog, or horse or +donkey; new cheeses to any wild extent, live birds in coops and +cages, looking much too big to be natural, in consequence of those +receptacles being much too little; rabbits, alive and dead, +innumerable. Many a pleasant stroll they had among the cool, +refreshing, silvery fish-stalls, with a kind of moonlight effect +about their stock-in-trade, excepting always for the ruddy lobsters. +Many a pleasant stroll among the waggon-loads of fragrant hay, +beneath which dogs and tired waggoners lay fast asleep, oblivious of +the pieman and the public-house. But never half so good a stroll as +down among the steamboats on a bright morning. + +There they lay, alongside of each other; hard and fast for ever, to +all appearance, but designing to get out somehow, and quite +confident of doing it; and in that faith shoals of passengers, and +heaps of luggage, were proceeding hurriedly on board. Little steam- +boats dashed up and down the stream incessantly. Tiers upon tiers +of vessels, scores of masts, labyrinths of tackle, idle sails, +splashing oars, gliding row-boats, lumbering barges, sunken piles, +with ugly lodgings for the water-rat within their mud-discoloured +nooks; church steeples, warehouses, house-roofs, arches, bridges, +men and women, children, casks, cranes, boxes horses, coaches, +idlers, and hard-labourers; there they were, all jumbled up +together, any summer morning, far beyond Tom's power of separation. + +In the midst of all this turmoil there was an incessant roar from +every packet's funnel, which quite expressed and carried out the +uppermost emotion of the scene. They all appeared to be perspiring +and bothering themselves, exactly as their passengers did; they +never left off fretting and chafing, in their own hoarse manner, +once; but were always panting out, without any stops, 'Come along do +make haste I'm very nervous come along oh good gracious we shall +never get there how late you are do make haste I'm off directly come +along!' + +Even when they had left off, and had got safely out into the +current, on the smallest provocation they began again; for the +bravest packet of them all, being stopped by some entanglement in +the river, would immediately begin to fume and pant afresh, 'oh +here's a stoppage what's the matter do go on there I'm in a hurry +it's done on purpose did you ever oh my goodness DO go on here!' and +so, in a state of mind bordering on distraction, would be last seen +drifting slowly through the mist into the summer light beyond, that +made it red. + +Tom's ship, however; or, at least, the packet-boat in which Tom and +his sister took the greatest interest on one particular occasion; +was not off yet, by any means; but was at the height of its +disorder. The press of passengers was very great; another steam- +boat lay on each side of her; the gangways were choked up; +distracted women, obviously bound for Gravesend, but turning a deaf +ear to all representations that this particular vessel was about to +sail for Antwerp, persisted in secreting baskets of refreshments +behind bulk-heads, and water-casks, and under seats; and very great +confusion prevailed. + +It was so amusing, that Tom, with Ruth upon his arm, stood looking +down from the wharf, as nearly regardless as it was in the nature of +flesh and blood to be, of an elderly lady behind him, who had +brought a large umbrella with her, and didn't know what to do with +it. This tremendous instrument had a hooked handle; and its +vicinity was first made known to him by a painful pressure on the +windpipe, consequent upon its having caught him round the throat. +Soon after disengaging himself with perfect good humour, he had a +sensation of the ferule in his back; immediately afterwards, of the +hook entangling his ankles; then of the umbrella generally, +wandering about his hat, and flapping at it like a great bird; and, +lastly, of a poke or thrust below the ribs, which give him such +exceeding anguish, that he could not refrain from turning round to +offer a mild remonstrance. + +Upon his turning round, he found the owner of the umbrella +struggling on tip-toe, with a countenance expressive of violent +animosity, to look down upon the steam-boats; from which he inferred +that she had attacked him, standing in the front row, by design, and +as her natural enemy. + +'What a very ill-natured person you must be!' said Tom. + +The lady cried out fiercely, 'Where's the pelisse!'--meaning the +constabulary--and went on to say, shaking the handle of the umbrella +at Tom, that but for them fellers never being in the way when they +was wanted, she'd have given him in charge, she would. + +'If they greased their whiskers less, and minded the duties which +they're paid so heavy for, a little more,' she observed, 'no one +needn't be drove mad by scrouding so!' + +She had been grievously knocked about, no doubt, for her bonnet was +bent into the shape of a cocked hat. Being a fat little woman, too, +she was in a state of great exhaustion and intense heat. Instead of +pursuing the altercation, therefore, Tom civilly inquired what boat +she wanted to go on board of? + +'I suppose,' returned the lady, 'as nobody but yourself can want to +look at a steam package, without wanting to go a-boarding of it, can +they! Booby!' + +'Which one do you want to look at then?' said Tom. 'We'll make room +for you if we can. Don't be so ill-tempered.' + +'No blessed creetur as ever I was with in trying times,' returned +the lady, somewhat softened, 'and they're a many in their numbers, +ever brought it as a charge again myself that I was anythin' but +mild and equal in my spirits. Never mind a contradicting of me, if +you seem to feel it does you good, ma'am, I often says, for well you +know that Sairey may be trusted not to give it back again. But I +will not denige that I am worrited and wexed this day, and with good +reagion, Lord forbid!' + +By this time, Mrs Gamp (for it was no other than that experienced +practitioner) had, with Tom's assistance, squeezed and worked +herself into a small corner between Ruth and the rail; where, after +breathing very hard for some little time, and performing a short +series of dangerous evolutions with her umbrella, she managed to +establish herself pretty comfortably. + +'And which of all them smoking monsters is the Ankworks boat, I +wonder. Goodness me!' cried Mrs Gamp. + +'What boat did you want?' asked Ruth. + +'The Ankworks package,' Mrs Gamp replied. 'I will not deceive you, +my sweet. Why should I?' + +'That is the Antwerp packet in the middle,' said Ruth. + +'And I wish it was in Jonadge's belly, I do,' cried Mrs Gamp; +appearing to confound the prophet with the whale in this miraculous +aspiration. + +Ruth said nothing in reply; but, as Mrs Gamp, laying her chin +against the cool iron of the rail, continued to look intently at the +Antwerp boat, and every now and then to give a little groan, she +inquired whether any child of hers was going aboard that morning? +Or perhaps her husband, she said kindly. + +'Which shows,' said Mrs Gamp, casting up her eyes, 'what a little +way you've travelled into this wale of life, my dear young creetur! +As a good friend of mine has frequent made remark to me, which her +name, my love, is Harris, Mrs Harris through the square and up the +steps a-turnin' round by the tobacker shop, "Oh Sairey, Sairey, +little do we know wot lays afore us!" "Mrs Harris, ma'am," I says, +"not much, it's true, but more than you suppoge. Our calcilations, +ma'am," I says, "respectin' wot the number of a family will be, +comes most times within one, and oftener than you would suppoge, +exact." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, in a awful way, "Tell me wot is +my indiwidgle number." "No, Mrs Harris," I says to her, "ex-cuge me, +if you please. My own," I says, "has fallen out of three-pair +backs, and had damp doorsteps settled on their lungs, and one was +turned up smilin' in a bedstead unbeknown. Therefore, ma'am," I +says, "seek not to proticipate, but take 'em as they come and as +they go." Mine,' says Mrs Gamp, 'mine is all gone, my dear young +chick. And as to husbands, there's a wooden leg gone likeways home +to its account, which in its constancy of walkin' into wine vaults, +and never comin' out again 'till fetched by force, was quite as weak +as flesh, if not weaker.' + +When she had delivered this oration, Mrs Gamp leaned her chin upon +the cool iron again; and looking intently at the Antwerp packet, +shook her head and groaned. + +'I wouldn't,' said Mrs Gamp, 'I wouldn't be a man and have such a +think upon my mind!--but nobody as owned the name of man, could do +it!' + +Tom and his sister glanced at each other; and Ruth, after a moment's +hesitation, asked Mrs Gamp what troubled her so much. + +'My dear,' returned that lady, dropping her voice, 'you are single, +ain't you?' + +Ruth laughed blushed, and said 'Yes.' + +'Worse luck,' proceeded Mrs Gamp, 'for all parties! But others is +married, and in the marriage state; and there is a dear young +creetur a-comin' down this mornin' to that very package, which is no +more fit to trust herself to sea, than nothin' is!' + +She paused here to look over the deck of the packet in question, and +on the steps leading down to it, and on the gangways. Seeming to +have thus assured herself that the object of her commiseration had +not yet arrived, she raised her eyes gradually up to the top of the +escape-pipe, and indignantly apostrophised the vessel: + +'Oh, drat you!' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella at it, 'you're a +nice spluttering nisy monster for a delicate young creetur to go and +be a passinger by; ain't you! YOU never do no harm in that way, do +you? With your hammering, and roaring, and hissing, and lamp-iling, +you brute! Them Confugion steamers,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her +umbrella again, 'has done more to throw us out of our reg'lar work +and bring ewents on at times when nobody counted on 'em (especially +them screeching railroad ones), than all the other frights that ever +was took. I have heerd of one young man, a guard upon a railway, +only three years opened--well does Mrs Harris know him, which indeed +he is her own relation by her sister's marriage with a master +sawyer--as is godfather at this present time to six-and-twenty +blessed little strangers, equally unexpected, and all on 'um named +after the Ingeines as was the cause. Ugh!' said Mrs Gamp, resuming +her apostrophe, 'one might easy know you was a man's inwention, +from your disregardlessness of the weakness of our naturs, so +one might, you brute!' + +It would not have been unnatural to suppose, from the first part of +Mrs Gamp's lamentations, that she was connected with the +stage-coaching or post-horsing trade. She had no means of judging of +the effect of her concluding remarks upon her young companion; for +she interrupted herself at this point, and exclaimed: + +'There she identically goes! Poor sweet young creetur, there she +goes, like a lamb to the sacrifige! If there's any illness when that +wessel gets to sea,' said Mrs Gamp, prophetically, 'it's murder, and +I'm the witness for the persecution.' + +She was so very earnest on the subject, that Tom's sister (being as +kind as Tom himself) could not help saying something to her in +reply. + +'Pray, which is the lady,' she inquired, 'in whom you are so much +interested?' + +'There!' groaned Mrs Gamp. 'There she goes! A-crossin' the little +wooden bridge at this minute. She's a-slippin' on a bit of +orangepeel!' tightly clutching her umbrella. 'What a turn it give +me.' + +'Do you mean the lady who is with that man wrapped up from head to +foot in a large cloak, so that his face is almost hidden?' + +'Well he may hide it!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'He's good call to be +ashamed of himself. Did you see him a-jerking of her wrist, then?' + +'He seems to be hasty with her, indeed.' + +'Now he's a-taking of her down into the close cabin!' said Mrs Gamp, +impatiently. 'What's the man about! The deuce is in him, I think. +Why can't he leave her in the open air?' + +He did not, whatever his reason was, but led her quickly down and +disappeared himself, without loosening his cloak, or pausing on the +crowded deck one moment longer than was necessary to clear their way +to that part of the vessel. + +Tom had not heard this little dialogue; for his attention had been +engaged in an unexpected manner. A hand upon his sleeve had caused +him to look round, just when Mrs Gamp concluded her apostrophe to +the steam-engine; and on his right arm, Ruth being on his left, he +found their landlord, to his great surprise. + +He was not so much surprised at the man's being there, as at his +having got close to him so quietly and swiftly; for another person +had been at his elbow one instant before; and he had not in the +meantime been conscious of any change or pressure in the knot of +people among whom he stood. He and Ruth had frequently remarked how +noiselessly this landlord of theirs came into and went out of his +own house; but Tom was not the less amazed to see him at his elbow +now. + +'I beg your pardon, Mr Pinch,' he said in his ear. 'I am rather +infirm, and out of breath, and my eyes are not very good. I am not +as young as I was, sir. You don't see a gentleman in a large cloak +down yonder, with a lady on his arm; a lady in a veil and a black +shawl; do you?' + +If HE did not, it was curious that in speaking he should have +singled out from all the crowd the very people whom he described; +and should have glanced hastily from them to Tom, as if he were +burning to direct his wandering eyes. + +'A gentleman in a large cloak!' said Tom, 'and a lady in a black +shawl! Let me see!' + +'Yes, yes!' replied the other, with keen impatience. 'A gentleman +muffled up from head to foot--strangely muffled up for such a +morning as this--like an invalid, with his hand to his face at this +minute, perhaps. No, no, no! not there,' he added, following Tom's +gaze; 'the other way; in that direction; down yonder.' Again he +indicated, but this time in his hurry, with his outstretched finger, +the very spot on which the progress of these persons was checked at +that moment. + +'There are so many people, and so much motion, and so many objects,' +said Tom, 'that I find it difficult to--no, I really don't see +a gentleman in a large cloak, and a lady in a black shawl. +There's a lady in a red shawl over there!' + +'No, no, no!' cried his landlord, pointing eagerly again, 'not +there. The other way; the other way. Look at the cabin steps. To +the left. They must be near the cabin steps. Do you see the cabin +steps? There's the bell ringing already! DO you see the steps?' + +'Stay!' said Tom, 'you're right. Look! there they go now. Is that +the gentleman you mean? Descending at this minute, with the folds +of a great cloak trailing down after him?' + +'The very man!' returned the other, not looking at what Tom pointed +out, however, but at Tom's own face. 'Will you do me a kindness, +sir, a great kindness? Will you put that letter in his hand? Only +give him that! He expects it. I am charged to do it by my +employers, but I am late in finding him, and, not being as young as +I have been, should never be able to make my way on board and off +the deck again in time. Will you pardon my boldness, and do me that +great kindness?' + +His hands shook, and his face bespoke the utmost interest and +agitation, as he pressed the letter upon Tom, and pointed to its +destination, like the Tempter in some grim old carving. + +To hesitate in the performance of a good-natured or compassionate +office was not in Tom's way. He took the letter; whispered Ruth to +wait till he returned, which would be immediately; and ran down the +steps with all the expedition he could make. There were so many +people going down, so many others coming up, such heavy goods in +course of transit to and fro, such a ringing of bell, blowing-off of +steam, and shouting of men's voices, that he had much ado to force +his way, or keep in mind to which boat he was going. But he reached +the right one with good speed, and going down the cabin-stairs +immediately, described the object of his search standing at the +upper end of the saloon, with his back towards him, reading some +notice which was hung against the wall. As Tom advanced to give him +the letter, he started, hearing footsteps, and turned round. + +What was Tom's astonishment to find in him the man with whom he had +had the conflict in the field--poor Mercy's husband. Jonas! + +Tom understood him to say, what the devil did he want; but it was +not easy to make out what he said; he spoke so indistinctly. + +'I want nothing with you for myself,' said Tom; 'I was asked, a +moment since, to give you this letter. You were pointed out to me, +but I didn't know you in your strange dress. Take it!' + +He did so, opened it, and read the writing on the inside. The +contents were evidently very brief; not more perhaps than one line; +but they struck upon him like a stone from a sling. He reeled back +as he read. + +His emotion was so different from any Tom had ever seen before that +he stopped involuntarily. Momentary as his state of indecision was, +the bell ceased while he stood there, and a hoarse voice calling +down the steps, inquired if there was any to go ashore? + +'Yes,' cried Jonas, 'I--I am coming. Give me time. Where's that +woman! Come back; come back here.' + +He threw open another door as he spoke, and dragged, rather than +led, her forth. She was pale and frightened, and amazed to see her +old acquaintance; but had no time to speak, for they were making a +great stir above; and Jonas drew her rapidly towards the deck. + +'Where are we going? What is the matter?' + +'We are going back,' said Jonas. 'I have changed my mind. I can't +go. Don't question me, or I shall be the death of you, or some one +else. Stop there! Stop! We're for the shore. Do you hear? We're +for the shore!' + +He turned, even in the madness of his hurry, and scowling darkly +back at Tom, shook his clenched hand at him. There are not many +human faces capable of the expression with which he accompanied that +gesture. + +He dragged her up, and Tom followed them. Across the deck, over the +side, along the crazy plank, and up the steps, he dragged her +fiercely; not bestowing any look on her, but gazing upwards all the +while among the faces on the wharf. Suddenly he turned again, and +said to Tom with a tremendous oath: + +'Where is he?' + +Before Tom, in his indignation and amazement, could return an answer +to a question he so little understood, a gentleman approached Tom +behind, and saluted Jonas Chuzzlewit by name. He has a gentleman of +foreign appearance, with a black moustache and whiskers; and +addressed him with a polite composure, strangely different from his +own distracted and desperate manner. + +'Chuzzlewit, my good fellow!' said the gentleman, raising his hat in +compliment to Mrs Chuzzlewit, 'I ask your pardon twenty thousand +times. I am most unwilling to interfere between you and a domestic +trip of this nature (always so very charming and refreshing, I know, +although I have not the happiness to be a domestic man myself, which +is the great infelicity of my existence); but the beehive, my dear +friend, the beehive--will you introduce me?' + +'This is Mr Montague,' said Jonas, whom the words appeared to choke. + +'The most unhappy and most penitent of men, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' pursued +that gentleman, 'for having been the means of spoiling this +excursion; but as I tell my friend, the beehive, the beehive. You +projected a short little continental trip, my dear friend, of +course?' + +Jonas maintained a dogged silence. + +'May I die,' cried Montague, 'but I am shocked! Upon my soul I am +shocked. But that confounded beehive of ours in the city must be +paramount to every other consideration, when there is honey to be +made; and that is my best excuse. Here is a very singular old +female dropping curtseys on my right,' said Montague, breaking off +in his discourse, and looking at Mrs Gamp, 'who is not a friend of +mine. Does anybody know her?' + +'Ah! Well they knows me, bless their precious hearts!' said Mrs +Gamp, 'not forgettin' your own merry one, sir, and long may it be +so! Wishin' as every one' (she delivered this in the form of a toast +or sentiment) 'was as merry, and as handsome-lookin', as a little +bird has whispered me a certain gent is, which I will not name for +fear I give offence where none is doo! My precious lady,' here she +stopped short in her merriment, for she had until now affected to be +vastly entertained, 'you're too pale by half!' + +'YOU are here too, are you?' muttered Jonas. 'Ecod, there are +enough of you.' + +'I hope, sir,' returned Mrs Gamp, dropping an indignant curtsey, 'as +no bones is broke by me and Mrs Harris a-walkin' down upon a public +wharf. Which was the very words she says to me (although they was +the last I ever had to speak) was these: "Sairey," she says, "is it +a public wharf?" Mrs Harris," I makes answer, "can you doubt it? +You have know'd me now, ma'am, eight and thirty year; and did you +ever know me go, or wish to go, where I was not made welcome, say +the words." "No, Sairey," Mrs Harris says, "contrairy quite." And +well she knows it too. I am but a poor woman, but I've been sought +after, sir, though you may not think it. I've been knocked up at +all hours of the night, and warned out by a many landlords, in +consequence of being mistook for Fire. I goes out workin' for my +bread, 'tis true, but I maintains my independency, with your kind +leave, and which I will till death. I has my feelins as a woman, +sir, and I have been a mother likeways; but touch a pipkin as +belongs to me, or make the least remarks on what I eats or drinks, +and though you was the favouritest young for'ard hussy of a servant- +gal as ever come into a house, either you leaves the place, or me. +My earnins is not great, sir, but I will not be impoged upon. Bless +the babe, and save the mother, is my mortar, sir; but I makes so +free as add to that, Don't try no impogician with the Nuss, for she +will not abear it!' + +Mrs Gamp concluded by drawing her shawl tightly over herself with +both hands, and, as usual, referring to Mrs Harris for full +corroboration of these particulars. She had that peculiar trembling +of the head which, in ladies of her excitable nature, may be taken +as a sure indication of their breaking out again very shortly; when +Jonas made a timely interposition. + +'As you ARE here,' he said, 'you had better see to her, and take her +home. I am otherwise engaged.' He said nothing more; but looked at +Montague as if to give him notice that he was ready to attend him. + +'I am sorry to take you away,' said Montague. + +Jonas gave him a sinister look, which long lived in Tom's memory, +and which he often recalled afterwards. + +'I am, upon my life,' said Montague. 'Why did you make it +necessary?' + +With the same dark glance as before, Jonas replied, after a moment's +silence: + +'The necessity is none of my making. You have brought it about +yourself.' + +He said nothing more. He said even this as if he were bound, and in +the other's power, but had a sullen and suppressed devil within him, +which he could not quite resist. His very gait, as they walked away +together, was like that of a fettered man; but, striving to work out +at his clenched hands, knitted brows, and fast-set lips, was the +same imprisoned devil still. + +They got into a handsome cabriolet which was waiting for them and +drove away. + +The whole of this extraordinary scene had passed so rapidly and the +tumult which prevailed around as so unconscious of any impression +from it, that, although Tom had been one of the chief actors, it was +like a dream. No one had noticed him after they had left the +packet. He had stood behind Jonas, and so near him, that he could +not help hearing all that passed. He had stood there, with his +sister on his arm, expecting and hoping to have an opportunity of +explaining his strange share in this yet stranger business. But +Jonas had not raised his eyes from the ground; no one else had even +looked towards him; and before he could resolve on any course of +action, they were all gone. + +He gazed round for his landlord. But he had done that more than +once already, and no such man was to be seen. He was still pursuing +this search with his eyes, when he saw a hand beckoning to him from +a hackney-coach; and hurrying towards it, found it was Merry's. She +addressed him hurriedly, but bent out of the window, that she might +not be overheard by her companion, Mrs Gamp. + +'What is it?' she said. 'Good heaven, what is it? Why did he tell +me last night to prepare for a long journey, and why have you +brought us back like criminals? Dear Mr Pinch!' she clasped her +hands distractedly, 'be merciful to us. Whatever this dreadful +secret is, be merciful, and God will bless you!' + +'If any power of mercy lay with me,' cried Tom, 'trust me, you +shouldn't ask in vain. But I am far more ignorant and weak than +you.' + +She withdrew into the coach again, and he saw the hand waving +towards him for a moment; but whether in reproachfulness or +incredulity or misery, or grief, or sad adieu, or what else, he +could not, being so hurried, understand. SHE was gone now; and Ruth +and he were left to walk away, and wonder. + +Had Mr Nadgett appointed the man who never came, to meet him upon +London Bridge that morning? He was certainly looking over the +parapet, and down upon the steamboat-wharf at that moment. It could +not have been for pleasure; he never took pleasure. No. He must +have had some business there. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-ONE + +MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND, ARRIVING AT A PLEASANT UNDERSTANDING, SET +FORTH UPON AN ENTERPRISE + + +The office of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life +Assurance Company being near at hand, and Mr Montague driving Jonas +straight there, they had very little way to go. But the journey +might have been one of several hours' duration, without provoking a +remark from either; for it was clear that Jonas did not mean to break +the silence which prevailed between them, and that it was not, as +yet, his dear friend's cue to tempt them into conversation. + +He had thrown aside his cloak, as having now no motive for +concealment, and with that garment huddled on his knees, sat as far +removed from his companion as the limited space in such a carriage +would allow. There was a striking difference in his manner, +compared with what it had been, within a few minutes, when Tom +encountered him so unexpectedly on board the packet, or when the +ugly change had fallen on him in Mr Montague's dressing-room. He +had the aspect of a man found out and held at bay; of being baffled, +hunted, and beset; but there was now a dawning and increasing +purpose in his face, which changed it very much. It was gloomy, +distrustful, lowering; pale with anger and defeat; it still was +humbled, abject, cowardly and mean; but, let the conflict go on +as it would, there was one strong purpose wrestling with every +emotion of his mind, and casting the whole series down as they arose. + +Not prepossessing in appearance at the best of times, it may be +readily supposed that he was not so now. He had left deep marks of +his front teeth in his nether lip; and those tokens of the agitation +he had lately undergone improved his looks as little as the heavy +corrugations in his forehead. But he was self-possessed now; +unnaturally self-possessed, indeed, as men quite otherwise than +brave are known to be in desperate extremities; and when the carriage +stopped, he waited for no invitation, but leapt hardily out, and +went upstairs. + +The chairman followed him; and closing the board-room door as soon +as they had entered, threw himself upon a sofa. Jonas stood before +the window, looking down into the street; and leaned against the +sash, resting his head upon his arms. + +'This is not handsome, Chuzzlewit!' said Montague at length. 'Not +handsome upon my soul!' + +'What would you have me do?' he answered, looking round abruptly; +'What do you expect?' + +'Confidence, my good fellow. Some confidence!' said Montague in an +injured tone. + +'Ecod! You show great confidence in me,' retorted Jonas. 'Don't +you?' + +'Do I not?' said his companion, raising his head, and looking at +him, but he had turned again. 'Do I not? Have I not confided to +you the easy schemes I have formed for our advantage; OUR advantage, +mind; not mine alone; and what is my return? Attempted flight!' + +'How do you know that? Who said I meant to fly?' + +'Who said? Come, come. A foreign boat, my friend, an early hour, a +figure wrapped up for disguise! Who said? If you didn't mean to +jilt me, why were you there? If you didn't mean to jilt me, why did +you come back?' + +'I came back,' said Jonas, 'to avoid disturbance.' + +'You were wise,' rejoined his friend. + +Jonas stood quite silent; still looking down into the street, and +resting his head upon his arms. + +'Now, Chuzzlewit,' said Montague, 'notwithstanding what has passed I +will be plain with you. Are you attending to me there? I only see +your back.' + +'I hear you. Go on!' + +'I say that notwithstanding what has passed, I will be plain with +you.' + +'You said that before. And I have told you once I heard you say it. +Go on.' + +'You are a little chafed, but I can make allowance for that, and am, +fortunately, myself in the very best of tempers. Now, let us see +how circumstances stand. A day or two ago, I mentioned to you, my +dear fellow, that I thought I had discovered--' + +'Will you hold your tongue?' said Jonas, looking fiercely round, and +glancing at the door. + +'Well, well!' said Montague. 'Judicious! Quite correct! My +discoveries being published, would be like many other men's +discoveries in this honest world; of no further use to me. You see, +Chuzzlewit, how ingenuous and frank I am in showing you the weakness +of my own position! To return. I make, or think I make, a certain +discovery which I take an early opportunity of mentioning in your +ear, in that spirit of confidence which I really hoped did prevail +between us, and was reciprocated by you. Perhaps there is something +in it; perhaps there is nothing. I have my knowledge and opinion on +the subject. You have yours. We will not discuss the question. +But, my good fellow, you have been weak; what I wish to point out to +you is, that you have been weak. I may desire to turn this little +incident to my account (indeed, I do--I'll not deny it), but my +account does not lie in probing it, or using it against you.' + +'What do you call using it against me?' asked Jonas, who had not yet +changed his attitude. + +'Oh!' said Montague, with a laugh. 'We'll not enter into that.' + +'Using it to make a beggar of me. Is that the use you mean?' + +'No.' + +'Ecod,' muttered Jonas, bitterly. 'That's the use in which your +account DOES lie. You speak the truth there.' + +'I wish you to venture (it's a very safe venture) a little more with +us, certainly, and to keep quiet,' said Montague. 'You promised me +you would; and you must. I say it plainly, Chuzzlewit, you MUST. +Reason the matter. If you don't, my secret is worthless to me: and +being so, it may as well become the public property as mine; better, +for I shall gain some credit, bringing it to light. I want you, +besides, to act as a decoy in a case I have already told you of. +You don't mind that, I know. You care nothing for the man (you care +nothing for any man; you are too sharp; so am I, I hope); and could +bear any loss of his with pious fortitude. Ha, ha, ha! You have +tried to escape from the first consequence. You cannot escape it, I +assure you. I have shown you that to-day. Now, I am not a moral +man, you know. I am not the least in the world affected by anything +you may have done; by any little indiscretion you may have +committed; but I wish to profit by it if I can; and to a man of your +intelligence I make that free confession. I am not at all singular +in that infirmity. Everybody profits by the indiscretion of his +neighbour; and the people in the best repute, the most. Why do you +give me this trouble? It must come to a friendly agreement, or an +unfriendly crash. It must. If the former, you are very little +hurt. If the latter--well! you know best what is likely to happen +then.' + +Jonas left the window, and walked up close to him. He did not look +him in the face; it was not his habit to do that; but he kept his +eyes towards him--on his breast, or thereabouts--and was at great +pains to speak slowly and distinctly in reply. Just as a man in a +state of conscious drunkenness might be. + +'Lying is of no use now,' he said. 'I DID think of getting away +this morning, and making better terms with you from a distance.' + +'To be sure! to be sure!' replied Montague. 'Nothing more natural. +I foresaw that, and provided against it. But I am afraid I am +interrupting you.' + +'How the devil,' pursued Jonas, with a still greater effort, 'you +made choice of your messenger, and where you found him, I'll not ask +you. I owed him one good turn before to-day. If you are so +careless of men in general, as you said you were just now, you are +quite indifferent to what becomes of such a crop-tailed cur as that, +and will leave me to settle my account with him in my own manner.' + +If he had raised his eyes to his companion's face, he would have +seen that Montague was evidently unable to comprehend his meaning. +But continuing to stand before him, with his furtive gaze directed +as before, and pausing here only to moisten his dry lips with his +tongue, the fact was lost upon him. It might have struck a close +observer that this fixed and steady glance of Jonas's was a part of +the alteration which had taken place in his demeanour. He kept it +riveted on one spot, with which his thoughts had manifestly nothing +to do; like as a juggler walking on a cord or wire to any dangerous +end, holds some object in his sight to steady him, and never wanders +from it, lest he trip. + +Montague was quick in his rejoinder, though he made it at a +venture. There was no difference of opinion between him and his +friend on THAT point. Not the least. + +'Your great discovery,' Jonas proceeded, with a savage sneer that +got the better of him for the moment, 'may be true, and may be +false. Whichever it is, I dare say I'm no worse than other men.' + +'Not a bit,' said Tigg. 'Not a bit. We're all alike--or nearly +so.' + +'I want to know this,' Jonas went on to say; 'is it your own? +You'll not wonder at my asking the question.' + +'My own!' repeated Montague. + +'Aye!' returned the other, gruffly. 'Is it known to anybody else? +Come! Don't waver about that.' + +'No!' said Montague, without the smallest hesitation. 'What would +it be worth, do you think, unless I had the keeping of it?' + +Now, for the first time, Jonas looked at him. After a pause, he put +out his hand, and said, with a laugh: + +'Come! make things easy to me, and I'm yours. I don't know that I +may not be better off here, after all, than if I had gone away this +morning. But here I am, and here I'll stay now. Take your oath!' + +He cleared his throat, for he was speaking hoarsely and said in a +lighter tone: + +'Shall I go to Pecksniff? When? Say when!' + +'Immediately!' cried Montague. 'He cannot be enticed too soon.' + +'Ecod!' cried Jonas, with a wild laugh. 'There's some fun in +catching that old hypocrite. I hate him. Shall I go to-night?' + +'Aye! This,' said Montague, ecstatically, 'is like business! We +understand each other now! To-night, my good fellow, by all means.' + +'Come with me,' cried Jonas. 'We must make a dash; go down in +state, and carry documents, for he's a deep file to deal with, and +must be drawn on with an artful hand, or he'll not follow. I know +him. As I can't take your lodgings or your dinners down, I must +take you. Will you come to-night?' + +His friend appeared to hesitate; and neither to have anticipated +this proposal, nor to relish it very much. + +'We can concert our plans upon the road,' said Jonas. 'We must not +go direct to him, but cross over from some other place, and turn out +of our way to see him. I may not want to introduce you, but I must +have you on the spot. I know the man, I tell you.' + +'But what if the man knows me?' said Montague, shrugging his +shoulders. + +'He know!' cried Jonas. 'Don't you run that risk with fifty men a +day! Would your father know you? Did I know you? Ecod! You were +another figure when I saw you first. Ha, ha, ha! I see the rents +and patches now! No false hair then, no black dye! You were another +sort of joker in those days, you were! You even spoke different +then. You've acted the gentleman so seriously since, that you've +taken in yourself. If he should know you, what does it matter? +Such a change is a proof of your success. You know that, or you +would not have made yourself known to me. Will you come?' + +'My good fellow,' said Montague, still hesitating, 'I can trust you +alone.' + +'Trust me! Ecod, you may trust me now, far enough. I'll try to go +away no more--no more!' He stopped, and added in a more sober tone, +'I can't get on without you. Will you come?' + +'I will,' said Montague, 'if that's your opinion.' And they shook +hands upon it. + +The boisterous manner which Jonas had exhibited during the latter +part of this conversation, and which had gone on rapidly increasing +with almost every word he had spoken, from the time when he looked +his honourable friend in the face until now, did not now subside, +but, remaining at its height, abided by him. Most unusual with him +at any period; most inconsistent with his temper and constitution; +especially unnatural it would appear in one so darkly circumstanced; +it abided by him. It was not like the effect of wine, or any ardent +drink, for he was perfectly coherent. It even made him proof +against the usual influence of such means of excitement; for, +although he drank deeply several times that day, with no reserve or +caution, he remained exactly the same man, and his spirits neither +rose nor fell in the least observable degree. + +Deciding, after some discussion, to travel at night, in order that +the day's business might not be broken in upon, they took counsel +together in reference to the means. Mr Montague being of opinion +that four horses were advisable, at all events for the first stage, +as throwing a great deal of dust into people's eyes, in more senses +than one, a travelling chariot and four lay under orders for nine +o'clock. Jonas did not go home; observing, that his being obliged +to leave town on business in so great a hurry, would be a good +excuse for having turned back so unexpectedly in the morning. So he +wrote a note for his portmanteau, and sent it by a messenger, who +duly brought his luggage back, with a short note from that other +piece of luggage, his wife, expressive of her wish to be allowed to +come and see him for a moment. To this request he sent for answer, +'she had better;' and one such threatening affirmative being +sufficient, in defiance of the English grammar, to express a +negative, she kept away. + +Mr Montague being much engaged in the course of the day, Jonas +bestowed his spirits chiefly on the doctor, with whom he lunched in +the medical officer's own room. On his way thither, encountering Mr +Nadgett in the outer room, he bantered that stealthy gentleman on +always appearing anxious to avoid him, and inquired if he were +afraid of him. Mr Nadgett slyly answered, 'No, but he believed it +must be his way as he had been charged with much the same kind of +thing before.' + +Mr Montague was listening to, or, to speak with greater elegance, he +overheard, this dialogue. As soon as Jonas was gone he beckoned +Nadgett to him with the feather of his pen, and whispered in his +ear. + +'Who gave him my letter this morning?' + +'My lodger, sir,' said Nadgett, behind the palm of his hand. + +'How came that about?' + +'I found him on the wharf, sir. Being so much hurried, and you not +arrived, it was necessary to do something. It fortunately occurred +to me, that if I gave it him myself I could be of no further use. I +should have been blown upon immediately.' + +'Mr Nadgett, you are a jewel,' said Montague, patting him on the +back. 'What's your lodger's name?' + +'Pinch, sir. Thomas Pinch.' + +Montague reflected for a little while, and then asked: + +'From the country, do you know?' + +'From Wiltshire, sir, he told me.' + +They parted without another word. To see Mr Nadgett's bow when +Montague and he next met, and to see Mr Montague acknowledge it, +anybody might have undertaken to swear that they had never spoken to +each other confidentially in all their lives. + +In the meanwhile, Mr Jonas and the doctor made themselves very +comfortable upstairs, over a bottle of the old Madeira and some +sandwiches; for the doctor having been already invited to dine below +at six o'clock, preferred a light repast for lunch. It was +advisable, he said, in two points of view: First, as being healthy +in itself. Secondly as being the better preparation for dinner. + +'And you are bound for all our sakes to take particular care of your +digestion, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir,' said the doctor smacking his +lips after a glass of wine; 'for depend upon it, it is worth +preserving. It must be in admirable condition, sir; perfect +chronometer-work. Otherwise your spirits could not be so +remarkable. Your bosom's lord sits lightly on its throne, Mr +Chuzzlewit, as what's-his-name says in the play. I wish he said it +in a play which did anything like common justice to our profession, +by the bye. There is an apothecary in that drama, sir, which is a +low thing; vulgar, sir; out of nature altogether.' + +Mr Jobling pulled out his shirt-frill of fine linen, as though he +would have said, 'This is what I call nature in a medical man, sir;' +and looked at Jonas for an observation. + +Jonas not being in a condition to pursue the subject, took up a case +of lancets that was lying on the table, and opened it. + +'Ah!' said the doctor, leaning back in his chair, 'I always take 'em +out of my pocket before I eat. My pockets are rather tight. Ha, +ha, ha!' + +Jonas had opened one of the shining little instruments; and was +scrutinizing it with a look as sharp and eager as its own bright +edge. + +'Good steel, doctor. Good steel! Eh!' + +'Ye-es,' replied the doctor, with the faltering modesty of +ownership. 'One might open a vein pretty dexterously with that, Mr +Chuzzlewit.' + +'It has opened a good many in its time, I suppose?' said Jonas +looking at it with a growing interest. + +'Not a few, my dear sir, not a few. It has been engaged in a--in a +pretty good practice, I believe I may say,' replied the doctor, +coughing as if the matter-of-fact were so very dry and literal that +he couldn't help it. 'In a pretty good practice,' repeated the +doctor, putting another glass of wine to his lips. + +'Now, could you cut a man's throat with such a thing as this?' +demanded Jonas. + +'Oh certainly, certainly, if you took him in the right place,' +returned the doctor. 'It all depends upon that.' + +'Where you have your hand now, hey?' cried Jonas, bending forward +to look at it. + +'Yes,' said the doctor; 'that's the jugular.' + +Jonas, in his vivacity, made a sudden sawing in the air, so close +behind the doctor's jugular that he turned quite red. Then Jonas +(in the same strange spirit of vivacity) burst into a loud +discordant laugh. + +'No, no,' said the doctor, shaking his head; 'edge tools, edge +tools; never play with 'em. A very remarkable instance of the +skillful use of edge-tools, by the way, occurs to me at this moment. +It was a case of murder. I am afraid it was a case of murder, +committed by a member of our profession; it was so artistically +done.' + +'Aye!' said Jonas. 'How was that?' + +'Why, sir,' returned Jobling, 'the thing lies in a nutshell. A +certain gentleman was found, one morning, in an obscure street, +lying in an angle of a doorway--I should rather say, leaning, in an +upright position, in the angle of a doorway, and supported +consequently by the doorway. Upon his waistcoat there was one +solitary drop of blood. He was dead and cold; and had been +murdered, sir.' + +'Only one drop of blood!' said Jonas. + +'Sir, that man,' replied the doctor, 'had been stabbed to the heart. +Had been stabbed to the heart with such dexterity, sir, that he had +died instantly, and had bled internally. It was supposed that a +medical friend of his (to whom suspicion attached) had engaged him +in conversation on some pretence; had taken him, very likely, by the +button in a conversational manner; had examined his ground at +leisure with his other hand; had marked the exact spot; drawn out +the instrument, whatever it was, when he was quite prepared; and--' + +'And done the trick,' suggested Jonas. + +'Exactly so,' replied the doctor. 'It was quite an operation in its +way, and very neat. The medical friend never turned up; and, as I +tell you, he had the credit of it. Whether he did it or not I can't +say. But, having had the honour to be called in with two or three +of my professional brethren on the occasion, and having assisted to +make a careful examination of the wound, I have no hesitation in +saying that it would have reflected credit on any medical man; and +that in an unprofessional person it could not but be considered, +either as an extraordinary work of art, or the result of a still +more extraordinary, happy, and favourable conjunction of +circumstances.' + +His hearer was so much interested in this case, that the doctor went +on to elucidate it with the assistance of his own finger and thumb +and waistcoat; and at Jonas's request, he took the further trouble +of going into a corner of the room, and alternately representing the +murdered man and the murderer; which he did with great effect. The +bottle being emptied and the story done, Jonas was in precisely the +same boisterous and unusual state as when they had sat down. If, as +Jobling theorized, his good digestion were the cause, he must have +been a very ostrich. + +At dinner it was just the same; and after dinner too; though wine +was drunk in abundance, and various rich meats eaten. At nine +o'clock it was still the same. There being a lamp in the carriage, +he swore they would take a pack of cards, and a bottle of wine; and +with these things under his cloak, went down to the door. + +'Out of the way, Tom Thumb, and get to bed!' + +This was the salutation he bestowed on Mr Bailey, who, booted and +wrapped up, stood at the carriage door to help him in. + +'To bed, sir! I'm a-going, too,' said Bailey. + +He alighted quickly, and walked back into the hall, where Montague +was lighting a cigar; conducting Mr Bailey with him, by the collar. + +'You are not a-going to take this monkey of a boy, are you?' + +'Yes,' said Montague. + +He gave the boy a shake, and threw him roughly aside. There was +more of his familiar self in the action, than in anything he had +done that day; but he broke out laughing immediately afterwards, and +making a thrust at the doctor with his hand, in imitation of his +representation of the medical friend, went out to the carriage +again, and took his seat. His companion followed immediately. Mr +Bailey climbed into the rumble. 'It will be a stormy night!' +exclaimed the doctor, as they started. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-TWO + +CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +The doctor's prognostication in reference to the weather was +speedily verified. Although the weather was not a patient of his, +and no third party had required him to give an opinion on the case, +the quick fulfilment of his prophecy may be taken as an instance of +his professional tact; for, unless the threatening aspect of the +night had been perfectly plain and unmistakable, Mr Jobling would +never have compromised his reputation by delivering any sentiments +on the subject. He used this principle in Medicine with too much +success to be unmindful of it in his commonest transactions. + +It was one of those hot, silent nights, when people sit at windows +listening for the thunder which they know will shortly break; when +they recall dismal tales of hurricanes and earthquakes; and of +lonely travellers on open plains, and lonely ships at sea, struck by +lightning. Lightning flashed and quivered on the black horizon even +now; and hollow murmurings were in the wind, as though it had been +blowing where the thunder rolled, and still was charged with its +exhausted echoes. But the storm, though gathering swiftly, had not +yet come up; and the prevailing stillness was the more solemn, from +the dull intelligence that seemed to hover in the air, of noise and +conflict afar off. + +It was very dark; but in the murky sky there were masses of cloud +which shone with a lurid light, like monstrous heaps of copper that +had been heated in a furnace, and were growing cold. These had been +advancing steadily and slowly, but they were now motionless, or +nearly so. As the carriage clattered round the corners of the +streets, it passed at every one a knot of persons who had come +there--many from their houses close at hand, without hats--to look +up at that quarter of the sky. And now a very few large drops of +rain began to fall, and thunder rumbled in the distance. + +Jonas sat in a corner of the carriage with his bottle resting on his +knee, and gripped as tightly in his hand as if he would have ground +its neck to powder if he could. Instinctively attracted by the +night, he had laid aside the pack of cards upon the cushion; and +with the same involuntary impulse, so intelligible to both of them +as not to occasion a remark on either side, his companion had +extinguished the lamp. The front glasses were down; and they sat +looking silently out upon the gloomy scene before them. + +They were clear of London, or as clear of it as travellers can be +whose way lies on the Western Road, within a stage of that enormous +city. Occasionally they encountered a foot-passenger, hurrying to +the nearest place of shelter; or some unwieldy cart proceeding +onward at a heavy trot, with the same end in view. Little clusters +of such vehicles were gathered round the stable-yard or baiting- +place of every wayside tavern; while their drivers watched the +weather from the doors and open windows, or made merry within. +Everywhere the people were disposed to bear each other company +rather than sit alone; so that groups of watchful faces seemed to be +looking out upon the night AND THEM, from almost every house they +passed. + +It may appear strange that this should have disturbed Jonas, or +rendered him uneasy; but it did. After muttering to himself, and +often changing his position, he drew up the blind on his side of the +carriage, and turned his shoulder sulkily towards it. But he +neither looked at his companion, nor broke the silence which +prevailed between them, and which had fallen so suddenly upon +himself, by addressing a word to him. + +The thunder rolled, the lightning flashed; the rain poured down like +Heaven's wrath. Surrounded at one moment by intolerable light, and +at the next by pitchy darkness, they still pressed forward on their +journey. Even when they arrived at the end of the stage, and might +have tarried, they did not; but ordered horses out immediately. Nor +had this any reference to some five minutes' lull, which at that +time seemed to promise a cessation of the storm. They held their +course as if they were impelled and driven by its fury. Although +they had not exchanged a dozen words, and might have tarried very +well, they seemed to feel, by joint consent, that onward they must +go. + +Louder and louder the deep thunder rolled, as through the myriad +halls of some vast temple in the sky; fiercer and brighter became +the lightning, more and more heavily the rain poured down. The +horses (they were travelling now with a single pair) plunged and +started from the rills of quivering fire that seemed to wind along +the ground before them; but there these two men sat, and forward +they went as if they were led on by an invisible attraction. + +The eye, partaking of the quickness of the flashing light, saw in +its every gleam a multitude of objects which it could not see at +steady noon in fifty times that period. Bells in steeples, with the +rope and wheel that moved them; ragged nests of birds in cornices +and nooks; faces full of consternation in the tilted waggons that +came tearing past; their frightened teams ringing out a warning +which the thunder drowned; harrows and ploughs left out in fields; +miles upon miles of hedge-divided country, with the distant fringe +of trees as obvious as the scarecrow in the bean-field close at hand; +in a trembling, vivid, flickering instant, everything was clear and +plain; then came a flush of red into the yellow light; a change to +blue; a brightness so intense that there was nothing else but light; +and then the deepest and profoundest darkness. + +The lightning being very crooked and very dazzling may have +presented or assisted a curious optical illusion, which suddenly +rose before the startled eyes of Montague in the carriage, and as +rapidly disappeared. He thought he saw Jonas with his hand lifted, +and the bottle clenched in it like a hammer, making as if he would +aim a blow at his head. At the same time he observed (or so +believed) an expression in his face--a combination of the unnatural +excitement he had shown all day, with a wild hatred and fear--which +might have rendered a wolf a less terrible companion. + +He uttered an involuntary exclamation, and called to the driver, who +brought his horses to a stop with all speed. + +It could hardly have been as he supposed, for although he had not +taken his eyes off his companion, and had not seen him move, he sat +reclining in his corner as before. + +'What's the matter?' said Jonas. 'Is that your general way of +waking out of your sleep?' + +'I could swear,' returned the other, 'that I have not closed my +eyes!' + +'When you have sworn it,' said Jonas, composedly, 'we had better go +on again, if you have only stopped for that.' + +He uncorked the bottle with the help of his teeth; and putting it to +his lips, took a long draught. + +'I wish we had never started on this journey. This is not,' said +Montague, recoiling instinctively, and speaking in a voice that +betrayed his agitation; 'this is not a night to travel in.' + +'Ecod! you're right there,' returned Jonas, 'and we shouldn't be out +in it but for you. If you hadn't kept me waiting all day, we might +have been at Salisbury by this time; snug abed and fast asleep. +What are we stopping for?' + +His companion put his head out of window for a moment, and drawing +it in again, observed (as if that were his cause of anxiety), that +the boy was drenched to the skin. + +'Serve him right,' said Jonas. 'I'm glad of it. What the devil are +we stopping for? Are you going to spread him out to dry?' + +'I have half a mind to take him inside,' observed the other with +some hesitation. + +'Oh! thankee!' said Jonas. 'We don't want any damp boys here; +especially a young imp like him. Let him be where he is. He ain't +afraid of a little thunder and lightning, I dare say; whoever else +is. Go on, driver. We had better have HIM inside perhaps,' he +muttered with a laugh; 'and the horses!' + +'Don't go too fast,' cried Montague to the postillion; 'and take +care how you go. You were nearly in the ditch when I called to +you.' + +This was not true; and Jonas bluntly said so, as they moved forward +again. Montague took little or no heed of what he said, but +repeated that it was not a night for travelling, and showed himself, +both then and afterwards, unusually anxious. + +From this time Jonas recovered his former spirits, if such a term +may be employed to express the state in which he had left the city. +He had his bottle often at his mouth; roared out snatches of songs, +without the least regard to time or tune or voice, or anything but +loud discordance; and urged his silent friend to be merry with him. + +'You're the best company in the world, my good fellow,' said +Montague with an effort, 'and in general irresistible; but to-night +--do you hear it?' + +'Ecod! I hear and see it too,' cried Jonas, shading his eyes, for +the moment, from the lightning which was flashing, not in any one +direction, but all around them. 'What of that? It don't change +you, nor me, nor our affairs. Chorus, chorus, + + + It may lighten and storm, + Till it hunt the red worm + From the grass where the gibbet is driven; + But it can't hurt the dead, + And it won't save the head + That is doom'd to be rifled and riven. + + +That must be a precious old song,' he added with an oath, as he +stopped short in a kind of wonder at himself. 'I haven't heard it +since I was a boy, and how it comes into my head now, unless the +lightning put it there, I don't know. "Can't hurt the dead"! No, +no. "And won't save the head"! No, no. No! Ha, ha, ha!' + +His mirth was of such a savage and extraordinary character, and was, +in an inexplicable way, at once so suited to the night, and yet such +a coarse intrusion on its terrors, that his fellow-traveller, always +a coward, shrunk from him in positive fear. Instead of Jonas being +his tool and instrument, their places seemed to be reversed. But +there was reason for this too, Montague thought; since the sense of +his debasement might naturally inspire such a man with the wish to +assert a noisy independence, and in that licence to forget his real +condition. Being quick enough, in reference to such subjects of +contemplation, he was not long in taking this argument into account +and giving it its full weight. But still, he felt a vague sense of +alarm, and was depressed and uneasy. + +He was certain he had not been asleep; but his eyes might have +deceived him; for, looking at Jonas now in any interval of darkness, +he could represent his figure to himself in any attitude his state +of mind suggested. On the other hand, he knew full well that Jonas +had no reason to love him; and even taking the piece of pantomime +which had so impressed his mind to be a real gesture, and not the +working of his fancy, the most that could be said of it was, that it +was quite in keeping with the rest of his diabolical fun, and had +the same impotent expression of truth in it. 'If he could kill me +with a wish,' thought the swindler, 'I should not live long.' + +He resolved that when he should have had his use of Jonas, he would +restrain him with an iron curb; in the meantime, that he could not +do better than leave him to take his own way, and preserve his own +peculiar description of good-humour, after his own uncommon manner. +It was no great sacrifice to bear with him; 'for when all is got +that can be got,' thought Montague, 'I shall decamp across the +water, and have the laugh on my side--and the gains.' + +Such were his reflections from hour to hour; his state of mind being +one in which the same thoughts constantly present themselves over +and over again in wearisome repetition; while Jonas, who appeared to +have dismissed reflection altogether, entertained himself as before. +They agreed that they would go to Salisbury, and would cross to Mr +Pecksniff's in the morning; and at the prospect of deluding that +worthy gentleman, the spirits of his amiable son-in-law became more +boisterous than ever. + +As the night wore on, the thunder died away, but still rolled +gloomily and mournfully in the distance. The lightning too, though +now comparatively harmless, was yet bright and frequent. The rain +was quite as violent as it had ever been. + +It was their ill-fortune, at about the time of dawn and in the last +stage of their journey, to have a restive pair of horses. These +animals had been greatly terrified in their stable by the tempest; +and coming out into the dreary interval between night and morning, +when the glare of the lightning was yet unsubdued by day, and the +various objects in their view were presented in indistinct and +exaggerated shapes which they would not have worn by night, they +gradually became less and less capable of control; until, taking a +sudden fright at something by the roadside, they dashed off wildly +down a steep hill, flung the driver from his saddle, drew the +carriage to the brink of a ditch, stumbled headlong down, and threw +it crashing over. + +The travellers had opened the carriage door, and had either jumped +or fallen out. Jonas was the first to stagger to his feet. He felt +sick and weak, and very giddy, and reeling to a five-barred gate, +stood holding by it; looking drowsily about as the whole landscape +swam before his eyes. But, by degrees, he grew more conscious, and +presently observed that Montague was lying senseless in the road, +within a few feet of the horses. + +In an instant, as if his own faint body were suddenly animated by a +demon, he ran to the horses' heads; and pulling at their bridles +with all his force, set them struggling and plunging with such mad +violence as brought their hoofs at every effort nearer to the skull +of the prostrate man; and must have led in half a minute to his +brains being dashed out on the highway. + +As he did this, he fought and contended with them like a man +possessed, making them wilder by his cries. + +'Whoop!' cried Jonas. 'Whoop! again! another! A little more, a +little more! Up, ye devils! Hillo!' + +As he heard the driver, who had risen and was hurrying up, crying to +him to desist, his violence increased. + +'Hiilo! Hillo!' cried Jonas. + +'For God's sake!' cried the driver. 'The gentleman--in the road-- +he'll be killed!' + +The same shouts and the same struggles were his only answer. But +the man darting in at the peril of his own life, saved Montague's, +by dragging him through the mire and water out of the reach of +present harm. That done, he ran to Jonas; and with the aid of his +knife they very shortly disengaged the horses from the broken +chariot, and got them, cut and bleeding, on their legs again. The +postillion and Jonas had now leisure to look at each other, which +they had not had yet. + +'Presence of mind, presence of mind!' cried Jonas, throwing up his +hands wildly. 'What would you have done without me?' + +'The other gentleman would have done badly without ME,' returned the +man, shaking his head. 'You should have moved him first. I gave +him up for dead.' + +'Presence of mind, you croaker, presence of mind' cried Jonas with a +harsh loud laugh. 'Was he struck, do you think?' + +They both turned to look at him. Jonas muttered something to +himself, when he saw him sitting up beneath the hedge, looking +vacantly around. + +'What's the matter?' asked Montague. 'Is anybody hurt?' + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, 'it don't seem so. There are no bones broken, +after all.' + +They raised him, and he tried to walk. He was a good deal shaken, +and trembled very much. But with the exception of a few cuts and +bruises this was all the damage he had sustained. + +'Cuts and bruises, eh?' said Jonas. 'We've all got them. Only cuts +and bruises, eh?' + +'I wouldn't have given sixpence for the gentleman's head in half-a- +dozen seconds more, for all he's only cut and bruised,' observed the +post-boy. 'If ever you're in an accident of this sort again, sir; +which I hope you won't be; never you pull at the bridle of a horse +that's down, when there's a man's head in the way. That can't be +done twice without there being a dead man in the case; it would have +ended in that, this time, as sure as ever you were born, if I hadn't +come up just when I did.' + +Jonas replied by advising him with a curse to hold his tongue, and +to go somewhere, whither he was not very likely to go of his own +accord. But Montague, who had listened eagerly to every word, +himself diverted the subject, by exclaiming: 'Where's the boy?' + +'Ecod! I forgot that monkey,' said Jonas. 'What's become of him?' A +very brief search settled that question. The unfortunate Mr Bailey +had been thrown sheer over the hedge or the five-barred gate; and +was lying in the neighbouring field, to all appearance dead. + +'When I said to-night, that I wished I had never started on this +journey,' cried his master, 'I knew it was an ill-fated one. Look +at this boy!' + +'Is that all?' growled Jonas. 'If you call THAT a sign of it--' + +'Why, what should I call a sign of it?' asked Montague, hurriedly. +'What do you mean?' + +'I mean,' said Jonas, stooping down over the body, 'that I never +heard you were his father, or had any particular reason to care much +about him. Halloa. Hold up there!' + +But the boy was past holding up, or being held up, or giving any +other sign of life than a faint and fitful beating of the heart. +After some discussion the driver mounted the horse which had been +least injured, and took the lad in his arms as well as he could; +while Montague and Jonas, leading the other horse, and carrying a +trunk between them, walked by his side towards Salisbury. + +'You'd get there in a few minutes, and be able to send assistance to +meet us, if you went forward, post-boy,' said Jonas. 'Trot on!' + +'No, no,' cried Montague; 'we'll keep together.' + +'Why, what a chicken you are! You are not afraid of being robbed; +are you?' said Jonas. + +'I am not afraid of anything,' replied the other, whose looks and +manner were in flat contradiction to his words. 'But we'll keep +together.' + +'You were mighty anxious about the boy, a minute ago,' said Jonas. +'I suppose you know that he may die in the meantime?' + +'Aye, aye. I know. But we'll keep together.' + +As it was clear that he was not to be moved from this determination, +Jonas made no other rejoinder than such as his face expressed; and +they proceeded in company. They had three or four good miles to +travel; and the way was not made easier by the state of the road, +the burden by which they were embarrassed, or their own stiff and +sore condition. After a sufficiently long and painful walk, they +arrived at the Inn; and having knocked the people up (it being yet +very early in the morning), sent out messengers to see to the +carriage and its contents, and roused a surgeon from his bed to tend +the chief sufferer. All the service he could render, he rendered +promptly and skillfully. But he gave it as his opinion that the boy +was labouring under a severe concussion of the brain, and that Mr +Bailey's mortal course was run. + +If Montague's strong interest in the announcement could have been +considered as unselfish in any degree, it might have been a +redeeming trait in a character that had no such lineaments to spare. +But it was not difficult to see that, for some unexpressed reason +best appreciated by himself, he attached a strange value to the +company and presence of this mere child. When, after receiving some +assistance from the surgeon himself, he retired to the bedroom +prepared for him, and it was broad day, his mind was still dwelling +on this theme, + +'I would rather have lost,' he said, 'a thousand pounds than lost +the boy just now. But I'll return home alone. I am resolved upon +that. Chuzzlewit shall go forward first, and I will follow in my +own time. I'll have no more of this,' he added, wiping his damp +forehead. 'Twenty-four hours of this would turn my hair grey!' + +After examining his chamber, and looking under the bed, and in the +cupboards, and even behind the curtains, with unusual caution +(although it was, as has been said, broad day), he double-locked the +door by which he had entered, and retired to rest. There was +another door in the room, but it was locked on the outer side; and +with what place it communicated, he knew not. + +His fears or evil conscience reproduced this door in all his dreams. +He dreamed that a dreadful secret was connected with it; a secret +which he knew, and yet did not know, for although he was heavily +responsible for it, and a party to it, he was harassed even in his +vision by a distracting uncertainty in reference to its import. +Incoherently entwined with this dream was another, which represented +it as the hiding-place of an enemy, a shadow, a phantom; and made it +the business of his life to keep the terrible creature closed up, +and prevent it from forcing its way in upon him. With this view +Nadgett, and he, and a strange man with a bloody smear upon his head +(who told him that he had been his playfellow, and told him, too, +the real name of an old schoolmate, forgotten until then), worked +with iron plates and nails to make the door secure; but though they +worked never so hard, it was all in vain, for the nails broke, or +changed to soft twigs, or what was worse, to worms, between their +fingers; the wood of the door splintered and crumbled, so that even +nails would not remain in it; and the iron plates curled up like hot +paper. All this time the creature on the other side--whether it was +in the shape of man, or beast, he neither knew nor sought to know-- +was gaining on them. But his greatest terror was when the man with +the bloody smear upon his head demanded of him if he knew this +creatures name, and said that he would whisper it. At this the +dreamer fell upon his knees, his whole blood thrilling with +inexplicable fear, and held his ears. But looking at the speaker's +lips, he saw that they formed the utterance of the letter 'J'; and +crying out aloud that the secret was discovered, and they were all +lost, he awoke. + +Awoke to find Jonas standing at his bedside watching him. And that +very door wide open. + +As their eyes met, Jonas retreated a few paces, and Montague sprang +out of bed. + +'Heyday!' said Jonas. 'You're all alive this morning.' + +'Alive!' the other stammered, as he pulled the bell-rope violently. +'What are you doing here?' + +'It's your room to be sure,' said Jonas; 'but I'm almost inclined to +ask you what YOU are doing here? My room is on the other side of +that door. No one told me last night not to open it. I thought it +led into a passage, and was coming out to order breakfast. There's +--there's no bell in my room.' + +Montague had in the meantime admitted the man with his hot water and +boots, who hearing this, said, yes, there was; and passed into the +adjoining room to point it out, at the head of the bed. + +'I couldn't find it, then,' said Jonas; 'it's all the same. Shall I +order breakfast?' + +Montague answered in the affirmative. When Jonas had retired, +whistling, through his own room, he opened the door of +communication, to take out the key and fasten it on the inner side. +But it was taken out already. + +He dragged a table against the door, and sat down to collect +himself, as if his dreams still had some influence upon his mind. + +'An evil journey,' he repeated several times. 'An evil journey. +But I'll travel home alone. I'll have no more of this.' + +His presentiment, or superstition, that it was an evil journey, did +not at all deter him from doing the evil for which the journey was +undertaken. With this in view, he dressed himself more carefully +than usual to make a favourable impression on Mr Pecksniff; and, +reassured by his own appearance, the beauty of the morning, and the +flashing of the wet boughs outside his window in the merry sunshine, +was soon sufficiently inspirited to swear a few round oaths, and hum +the fag-end of a song. + +But he still muttered to himself at intervals, for all that: 'I'll +travel home alone!' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-THREE + +HAS AN INFLUENCE ON THE FORTUNES OF SEVERAL PEOPLE. MR PECKSNIFF IS +EXHIBITED IN THE PLENITUDE OF POWER; AND WIELDS THE SAME WITH +FORTITUDE AND MAGNANIMITY + + +On the night of the storm, Mrs Lupin, hostess of the Blue Dragon, +sat by herself in her little bar. Her solitary condition, or the +bad weather, or both united, made Mrs Lupin thoughtful, not to say +sorrowful. As she sat with her chin upon her hand, looking out +through a low back lattice, rendered dim in the brightest day-time +by clustering vine-leaves, she shook her head very often, and said, +'Dear me! Oh, dear, dear me!' + +It was a melancholy time, even in the snugness of the Dragon bar. +The rich expanse of corn-field, pasture-land, green slope, and +gentle undulation, with its sparkling brooks, its many hedgerows, +and its clumps of beautiful trees, was black and dreary, from the +diamond panes of the lattice away to the far horizon, where the +thunder seemed to roll along the hills. The heavy rain beat down +the tender branches of vine and jessamine, and trampled on them in +its fury; and when the lightning gleamed it showed the tearful +leaves shivering and cowering together at the window, and tapping at +it urgently, as if beseeching to be sheltered from the dismal night. + +As a mark of her respect for the lightning, Mrs Lupin had removed +her candle to the chimney-piece. Her basket of needle-work stood +unheeded at her elbow; her supper, spread on a round table not far +off, was untasted; and the knives had been removed for fear of +attraction. She had sat for a long time with her chin upon her +hand, saying to herself at intervals, 'Dear me! Ah, dear, dear me!' + +She was on the eve of saying so, once more, when the latch of the +house-door (closed to keep the rain out), rattled on its well-worn +catch, and a traveller came in, who, shutting it after him, and +walking straight up to the half-door of the bar, said, rather +gruffly: + +'A pint of the best old beer here.' + +He had some reason to be gruff, for if he had passed the day in a +waterfall, he could scarcely have been wetter than he was. He was +wrapped up to the eyes in a rough blue sailor's coat, and had an +oil-skin hat on, from the capacious brim of which the rain fell +trickling down upon his breast, and back, and shoulders. Judging +from a certain liveliness of chin--he had so pulled down his hat, +and pulled up his collar, to defend himself from the weather, that +she could only see his chin, and even across that he drew the wet +sleeve of his shaggy coat, as she looked at him--Mrs Lupin set him +down for a good-natured fellow, too. + +'A bad night!' observed the hostess cheerfully. + +The traveller shook himself like a Newfoundland dog, and said it +was, rather. + +'There's a fire in the kitchen,' said Mrs Lupin, 'and very good +company there. Hadn't you better go and dry yourself?' + +'No, thankee,' said the man, glancing towards the kitchen as he +spoke; he seemed to know the way. + +'It's enough to give you your death of cold,' observed the hostess. + +'I don't take my death easy,' returned the traveller; 'or I should +most likely have took it afore to-night. Your health, ma'am!' + +Mrs Lupin thanked him; but in the act of lifting the tankard to his +mouth, he changed his mind, and put it down again. Throwing his +body back, and looking about him stiffly, as a man does who is +wrapped up, and has his hat low down over his eyes, he said: + +'What do you call this house? Not the Dragon, do you?' + +Mrs Lupin complacently made answer, 'Yes, the Dragon.' + +'Why, then, you've got a sort of a relation of mine here, ma'am,' +said the traveller; 'a young man of the name of Tapley. What! Mark, +my boy!' apostrophizing the premises, 'have I come upon you at last, +old buck!' + +This was touching Mrs Lupin on a tender point. She turned to trim +the candle on the chimney-piece, and said, with her back towards the +traveller: + +'Nobody should be made more welcome at the Dragon, master, than any +one who brought me news of Mark. But it's many and many a long day +and month since he left here and England. And whether he's alive or +dead, poor fellow, Heaven above us only knows!' + +She shook her head, and her voice trembled; her hand must have done +so too, for the light required a deal of trimming. + +'Where did he go, ma'am?' asked the traveller, in a gentler voice. + +'He went,' said Mrs Lupin, with increased distress, 'to America. He +was always tender-hearted and kind, and perhaps at this moment may +be lying in prison under sentence of death, for taking pity on some +miserable black, and helping the poor runaway creetur to escape. +How could he ever go to America! Why didn't he go to some of those +countries where the savages eat each other fairly, and give an equal +chance to every one!' + +Quite subdued by this time, Mrs Lupin sobbed, and was retiring to a +chair to give her grief free vent, when the traveller caught her in +his arms, and she uttered a glad cry of recognition. + +'Yes, I will!' cried Mark, 'another--one more--twenty more! You +didn't know me in that hat and coat? I thought you would have known +me anywheres! Ten more!' + +'So I should have known you, if I could have seen you; but I +couldn't, and you spoke so gruff. I didn't think you could speak +gruff to me, Mark, at first coming back.' + +'Fifteen more!' said Mr Tapley. 'How handsome and how young you +look! Six more! The last half-dozen warn't a fair one, and must be +done over again. Lord bless you, what a treat it is to see you! One +more! Well, I never was so jolly. Just a few more, on account of +there not being any credit in it!' + +When Mr Tapley stopped in these calculations in simple addition, he +did it, not because he was at all tired of the exercise, but because +he was out of breath. The pause reminded him of other duties. + +'Mr Martin Chuzzlewit's outside,' he said. 'I left him under the +cartshed, while I came on to see if there was anybody here. We +want to keep quiet to-night, till we know the news from you, and +what it's best for us to do.' + +'There's not a soul in the house, except the kitchen company,' +returned the hostess. 'If they were to know you had come back, +Mark, they'd have a bonfire in the street, late as it is.' + +'But they mustn't know it to-night, my precious soul,' said Mark; +'so have the house shut, and the kitchen fire made up; and when it's +all ready, put a light in the winder, and we'll come in. One more! +I long to hear about old friends. You'll tell me all about 'em, +won't you; Mr Pinch, and the butcher's dog down the street, and the +terrier over the way, and the wheelwright's, and every one of 'em. +When I first caught sight of the church to-night, I thought the +steeple would have choked me, I did. One more! Won't you? Not a +very little one to finish off with?' + +'You have had plenty, I am sure,' said the hostess. 'Go along with +your foreign manners!' + +'That ain't foreign, bless you!' cried Mark. 'Native as oysters, +that is! One more, because it's native! As a mark of respect for the +land we live in! This don't count as between you and me, you +understand,' said Mr Tapley. 'I ain't a-kissing you now, you'll +observe. I have been among the patriots; I'm a-kissin' my country.' + +It would have been very unreasonable to complain of the exhibition +of his patriotism with which he followed up this explanation, that +it was at all lukewarm or indifferent. When he had given full +expression to his nationality, he hurried off to Martin; while Mrs +Lupin, in a state of great agitation and excitement, prepared for +their reception. + +The company soon came tumbling out; insisting to each other that the +Dragon clock was half an hour too fast, and that the thunder must +have affected it. Impatient, wet, and weary though they were, +Martin and Mark were overjoyed to see these old faces, and watched +them with delighted interest as they departed from the house, and +passed close by them. + +'There's the old tailor, Mark!' whispered Martin. + +'There he goes, sir! A little bandier than he was, I think, sir, +ain't he? His figure's so far altered, as it seems to me, that you +might wheel a rather larger barrow between his legs as he walks, +than you could have done conveniently when we know'd him. There's +Sam a-coming out, sir.' + +'Ah, to be sure!' cried Martin; 'Sam, the hostler. I wonder whether +that horse of Pecksniff's is alive still?' + +'Not a doubt on it, sir,' returned Mark. 'That's a description of +animal, sir, as will go on in a bony way peculiar to himself for a +long time, and get into the newspapers at last under the title of +"Sing'lar Tenacity of Life in a Quadruped." As if he had ever been +alive in all his life, worth mentioning! There's the clerk, sir-- +wery drunk, as usual.' + +'I see him!' said Martin, laughing. 'But, my life, how wet you are, +Mark!' + +'I am! What do you consider yourself, sir?' + +'Oh, not half as bad,' said his fellow-traveller, with an air of +great vexation. 'I told you not to keep on the windy side, Mark, +but to let us change and change about. The rain has been beating on +you ever since it began.' + +'You don't know how it pleases me, sir,' said Mark, after a short +silence, 'if I may make so bold as say so, to hear you a-going on in +that there uncommon considerate way of yours; which I don't mean to +attend to, never, but which, ever since that time when I was floored +in Eden, you have showed.' + +'Ah, Mark!' sighed Martin, 'the less we say of that the better. Do +I see the light yonder?' + +'That's the light!' cried Mark. 'Lord bless her, what briskness she +possesses! Now for it, sir. Neat wines, good beds, and first-rate +entertainment for man or beast.' + +The kitchen fire burnt clear and red, the table was spread out, the +kettle boiled; the slippers were there, the boot-jack too, sheets of +ham were there, cooking on the gridiron; half-a-dozen eggs were +there, poaching in the frying-pan; a plethoric cherry-brandy bottle +was there, winking at a foaming jug of beer upon the table; rare +provisions were there, dangling from the rafters as if you had only +to open your mouth, and something exquisitely ripe and good would be +glad of the excuse for tumbling into it. Mrs Lupin, who for their +sakes had dislodged the very cook, high priestess of the temple, +with her own genial hands was dressing their repast. + +It was impossible to help it--a ghost must have hugged her. The +Atlantic Ocean and the Red Sea being, in that respect, all one, +Martin hugged her instantly. Mr Tapley (as if the idea were quite +novel, and had never occurred to him before), followed, with much +gravity, on the same side. + +'Little did I ever think,' said Mrs Lupin, adjusting her cap and +laughing heartily; yes, and blushing too; 'often as I have said that +Mr Pecksniff's young gentlemen were the life and soul of the Dragon, +and that without them it would be too dull to live in--little did I +ever think I am sure, that any one of them would ever make so free +as you, Mr Martin! And still less that I shouldn't be angry with +him, but should be glad with all my heart to be the first to welcome +him home from America, with Mark Tapley for his--' + +'For his friend, Mrs Lupin,' interposed Martin. + +'For his friend,' said the hostess, evidently gratified by this +distinction, but at the same time admonishing Mr Tapley with a fork +to remain at a respectful distance. 'Little did I ever think that! +But still less, that I should ever have the changes to relate that I +shall have to tell you of, when you have done your supper!' + +'Good Heaven!' cried Martin, changing colour, 'what changes?' + +'SHE,' said the hostess, 'is quite well, and now at Mr Pecksniff's. +Don't be at all alarmed about her. She is everything you could +wish. It's of no use mincing matters, or making secrets, is it?' +added Mrs Lupin. 'I know all about it, you see!' + +'My good creature,' returned Martin, 'you are exactly the person who +ought to know all about it. I am delighted to think you DO know +about that! But what changes do you hint at? Has any death +occurred?' + +'No, no!' said the hostess. 'Not as bad as that. But I declare now +that I will not be drawn into saying another word till you have had +your supper. If you ask me fifty questions in the meantime, I won't +answer one.' + +She was so positive, that there was nothing for it but to get the +supper over as quickly as possible; and as they had been walking a +great many miles, and had fasted since the middle of the day, they +did no great violence to their own inclinations in falling on it +tooth and nail. It took rather longer to get through than might +have been expected; for, half-a-dozen times, when they thought they +had finished, Mrs Lupin exposed the fallacy of that impression +triumphantly. But at last, in the course of time and nature, they +gave in. Then, sitting with their slippered feet stretched out upon +the kitchen hearth (which was wonderfully comforting, for the night +had grown by this time raw and chilly), and looking with involuntary +admiration at their dimpled, buxom, blooming hostess, as the +firelight sparkled in her eyes and glimmered in her raven hair, they +composed themselves to listen to her news. + +Many were the exclamations of surprise which interrupted her, when +she told them of the separation between Mr Pecksniff and his +daughters, and between the same good gentleman and Mr Pinch. But +these were nothing to the indignant demonstrations of Martin, when +she related, as the common talk of the neighbourhood, what entire +possession he had obtained over the mind and person of old Mr +Chuzzlewit, and what high honour he designed for Mary. On receipt +of this intelligence, Martin's slippers flew off in a twinkling, and +he began pulling on his wet boots with that indefinite intention of +going somewhere instantly, and doing something to somebody, which is +the first safety-valve of a hot temper. + +'He!' said Martin, 'smooth-tongued villain that he is! He! Give me +that other boot, Mark?' + +'Where was you a-thinking of going to, sir?' inquired Mr Tapley +drying the sole at the fire, and looking coolly at it as he spoke, +as if it were a slice of toast. + +'Where!' repeated Martin. 'You don't suppose I am going to remain +here, do you?' + +The imperturbable Mark confessed that he did. + +You do!' retorted Martin angrily. 'I am much obliged to you. What +do you take me for?' + +'I take you for what you are, sir,' said Mark; 'and, consequently, +am quite sure that whatever you do will be right and sensible. The +boot, sir.' + +Martin darted an impatient look at him, without taking it, and +walked rapidly up and down the kitchen several times, with one boot +and a stocking on. But, mindful of his Eden resolution, he had +already gained many victories over himself when Mark was in the case, +and he resolved to conquer now. So he came back to the book-jack, +laid his hand on Mark's shoulder to steady himself, pulled the boot +off, picked up his slippers, put them on, and sat down again. He +could not help thrusting his hands to the very bottom of his +pockets, and muttering at intervals, 'Pecksniff too! That fellow! +Upon my soul! In-deed! What next?' and so forth; nor could he help +occasionally shaking his fist at the chimney, with a very +threatening countenance; but this did not last long; and he heard +Mrs Lupin out, if not with composure, at all events in silence. + +'As to Mr Pecksniff himself,' observed the hostess in conclusion, +spreading out the skirts of her gown with both hands, and nodding +her head a great many times as she did so, 'I don't know what to +say. Somebody must have poisoned his mind, or influenced him in +some extraordinary way. I cannot believe that such a noble-spoken +gentleman would go and do wrong of his own accord!' + +A noble-spoken gentleman! How many people are there in the world, +who, for no better reason, uphold their Pecksniffs to the last and +abandon virtuous men, when Pecksniffs breathe upon them! + +'As to Mr Pinch,' pursued the landlady, 'if ever there was a dear, +good, pleasant, worthy soul alive, Pinch, and no other, is his name. +But how do we know that old Mr Chuzzlewit himself was not the cause +of difference arising between him and Mr Pecksniff? No one but +themselves can tell; for Mr Pinch has a proud spirit, though he has +such a quiet way; and when he left us, and was so sorry to go, he +scorned to make his story good, even to me.' + +'Poor old Tom!' said Martin, in a tone that sounded like remorse. + +'It's a comfort to know,' resumed the landlady, 'that he has his +sister living with him, and is doing well. Only yesterday he sent +me back, by post, a little'--here the colour came into her cheeks-- +'a little trifle I was bold enough to lend him when he went away; +saying, with many thanks, that he had good employment, and didn't +want it. It was the same note; he hadn't broken it. I never +thought I could have been so little pleased to see a bank-note come +back to me as I was to see that.' + +'Kindly said, and heartily!' said Martin. 'Is it not, Mark?' + +'She can't say anything as does not possess them qualities,' +returned Mr Tapley; 'which as much belongs to the Dragon as its +licence. And now that we have got quite cool and fresh, to the +subject again, sir; what will you do? If you're not proud, and can +make up your mind to go through with what you spoke of, coming along, +that's the course for you to take. If you started wrong with your +grandfather (which, you'll excuse my taking the liberty of saying, +appears to have been the case), up with you, sir, and tell him so, +and make an appeal to his affections. Don't stand out. He's a +great deal older than you, and if he was hasty, you was hasty too. +Give way, sir, give way.' + +The eloquence of Mr Tapley was not without its effect on Martin but +he still hesitated, and expressed his reason thus: + +'That's all very true, and perfectly correct, Mark; and if it were +a mere question of humbling myself before HIM, I would not consider +it twice. But don't you see, that being wholly under this +hypocrite's government, and having (if what we hear be true) no mind +or will of his own, I throw myself, in fact, not at his feet, but at +the feet of Mr Pecksniff? And when I am rejected and spurned away,' +said Martin, turning crimson at the thought, 'it is not by him; my +own blood stirred against me; but by Pecksniff--Pecksniff, Mark!' + +'Well, but we know beforehand,' returned the politic Mr Tapley, +'that Pecksniff is a wagabond, a scoundrel, and a willain.' + +'A most pernicious villain!' said Martin. + +'A most pernicious willain. We know that beforehand, sir; and, +consequently, it's no shame to be defeated by Pecksniff. Blow +Pecksniff!' cried Mr Tapley, in the fervour of his eloquence. +'Who's he! It's not in the natur of Pecksniff to shame US, unless he +agreed with us, or done us a service; and, in case he offered any +audacity of that description, we could express our sentiments in the +English language, I hope. Pecksniff!' repeated Mr Tapley, with +ineffable disdain. 'What's Pecksniff, who's Pecksniff, where's +Pecksniff, that he's to be so much considered? We're not a- +calculating for ourselves;' he laid uncommon emphasis on the last +syllable of that word, and looked full in Martin's face; 'we're +making a effort for a young lady likewise as has undergone her +share; and whatever little hope we have, this here Pecksniff is not +to stand in its way, I expect. I never heard of any act of +Parliament, as was made by Pecksniff. Pecksniff! Why, I wouldn't +see the man myself; I wouldn't hear him; I wouldn't choose to know +he was in company. I'd scrape my shoes on the scraper of the door, +and call that Pecksniff, if you liked; but I wouldn't condescend no +further.' + +The amazement of Mrs Lupin, and indeed of Mr Tapley himself for that +matter, at this impassioned flow of language, was immense. But +Martin, after looking thoughtfully at the fire for a short time, +said: + +'You are right, Mark. Right or wrong, it shall be done. I'll do +it.' + +'One word more, sir,' returned Mark. 'Only think of him so far as +not to give him a handle against you. Don't you do anything secret +that he can report before you get there. Don't you even see Miss +Mary in the morning, but let this here dear friend of ours'--Mr +Tapley bestowed a smile upon the hostess--'prepare her for what's a- +going to happen, and carry any little message as may be agreeable. +She knows how. Don't you?' Mrs Lupin laughed and tossed her head. +'Then you go in, bold and free as a gentleman should. "I haven't +done nothing under-handed," says you. "I haven't been skulking +about the premises, here I am, for-give me, I ask your pardon, God +Bless You!"' + +Martin smiled, but felt that it was good advice notwithstanding, and +resolved to act upon it. When they had ascertained from Mrs Lupin +that Pecksniff had already returned from the great ceremonial at +which they had beheld him in his glory; and when they had fully +arranged the order of their proceedings; they went to bed, intent +upon the morrow. + +In pursuance of their project as agreed upon at this discussion, Mr +Tapley issued forth next morning, after breakfast, charged with a +letter from Martin to his grandfather, requesting leave to wait upon +him for a few minutes. And postponing as he went along the +congratulations of his numerous friends until a more convenient +season, he soon arrived at Mr Pecksniff's house. At that +gentleman's door; with a face so immovable that it would have been +next to an impossibility for the most acute physiognomist to +determine what he was thinking about, or whether he was thinking at +all; he straightway knocked. + +A person of Mr Tapley's observation could not long remain insensible +to the fact that Mr Pecksniff was making the end of his nose very +blunt against the glass of the parlour window, in an angular attempt +to discover who had knocked at the door. Nor was Mr Tapley slow to +baffle this movement on the part of the enemy, by perching himself +on the top step, and presenting the crown of his hat in that +direction. But possibly Mr Pecksniff had already seen him, for Mark +soon heard his shoes creaking, as he advanced to open the door with +his own hands. + +Mr Pecksniff was as cheerful as ever, and sang a little song in the +passage. + +'How d'ye do, sir?' said Mark. + +'Oh!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Tapley, I believe? The Prodigal +returned! We don't want any beer, my friend.' + +'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I couldn't accommodate you if you did. +A letter, sir. Wait for an answer.' + +'For me?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'And an answer, eh?' + +'Not for you, I think, sir,' said Mark, pointing out the direction. +'Chuzzlewit, I believe the name is, sir.' + +'Oh!' returned Mr Pecksniff. 'Thank you. Yes. Who's it from, my +good young man?' + +'The gentleman it comes from wrote his name inside, sir,' returned +Mr Tapley with extreme politeness. 'I see him a-signing of it at +the end, while I was a-waitin'.' + +'And he said he wanted an answer, did he?' asked Mr Pecksniff in his +most persuasive manner. + +Mark replied in the affirmative. + +'He shall have an answer. Certainly,' said Mr Pecksniff, tearing +the letter into small pieces, as mildly as if that were the most +flattering attention a correspondent could receive. 'Have the +goodness to give him that, with my compliments, if you please. Good +morning!' Whereupon he handed Mark the scraps; retired, and shut the +door. + +Mark thought it prudent to subdue his personal emotions, and return +to Martin at the Dragon. They were not unprepared for such a +reception, and suffered an hour or so to elapse before making +another attempt. When this interval had gone by, they returned to +Mr Pecksniff's house in company. Martin knocked this time, while Mr +Tapley prepared himself to keep the door open with his foot and +shoulder, when anybody came, and by that means secure an enforced +parley. But this precaution was needless, for the servant-girl +appeared almost immediately. Brushing quickly past her as he had +resolved in such a case to do, Martin (closely followed by his +faithful ally) opened the door of that parlour in which he knew a +visitor was most likely to be found; passed at once into the room; +and stood, without a word of notice or announcement, in the presence +of his grandfather. + +Mr Pecksniff also was in the room; and Mary. In the swift instant +of their mutual recognition, Martin saw the old man droop his grey +head, and hide his face in his hands. + +It smote him to the heart. In his most selfish and most careless +day, this lingering remnant of the old man's ancient love, this +buttress of a ruined tower he had built up in the time gone by, with +so much pride and hope, would have caused a pang in Martin's heart. +But now, changed for the better in his worst respect; looking +through an altered medium on his former friend, the guardian of his +childhood, so broken and bowed down; resentment, sullenness, +self-confidence, and pride, were all swept away, before the starting +tears upon the withered cheeks. He could not bear to see them. He +could not bear to think they fell at sight of him. He could not +bear to view reflected in them, the reproachful and irrevocable +Past. + +He hurriedly advanced to seize the old man's hand in his, when Mr +Pecksniff interposed himself between them. + +'No, young man!' said Mr Pecksniff, striking himself upon the +breast, and stretching out his other arm towards his guest as if it +were a wing to shelter him. 'No, sir. None of that. Strike here, +sir, here! Launch your arrows at me, sir, if you'll have the +goodness; not at Him!' + +'Grandfather!' cried Martin. 'Hear me! I implore you, let me +speak!' + +'Would you, sir? Would you?' said Mr Pecksniff, dodging about, so +as to keep himself always between them. 'Is it not enough, sir, +that you come into my house like a thief in the night, or I should +rather say, for we can never be too particular on the subject of +Truth, like a thief in the day-time; bringing your dissolute +companions with you, to plant themselves with their backs against +the insides of parlour doors, and prevent the entrance or issuing +forth of any of my household'--Mark had taken up this position, and +held it quite unmoved--'but would you also strike at venerable +Virtue? Would you? Know that it is not defenceless. I will be its +shield, young man. Assail me. Come on, sir. Fire away!' + +'Pecksniff,' said the old man, in a feeble voice. 'Calm yourself. +Be quiet.' + +'I can't be calm,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'and I won't be quiet. My +benefactor and my friend! Shall even my house be no refuge for your +hoary pillow!' + +'Stand aside!' said the old man, stretching out his hand; 'and let +me see what it is I used to love so dearly.' + +'It is right that you should see it, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. +'It is well that you should see it, my noble sir. It is desirable +that you should contemplate it in its true proportions. Behold it! +There it is, sir. There it is!' + +Martin could hardly be a mortal man, and not express in his face +something of the anger and disdain with which Mr Pecksniff inspired +him. But beyond this he evinced no knowledge whatever of that +gentleman's presence or existence. True, he had once, and that at +first, glanced at him involuntarily, and with supreme contempt; but +for any other heed he took of him, there might have been nothing in +his place save empty air. + +As Mr Pecksniff withdrew from between them, agreeably to the wish +just now expressed (which he did during the delivery of the +observations last recorded), old Martin, who had taken Mary Graham's +hand in his, and whispered kindly to her, as telling her she had no +cause to be alarmed, gently pushed her from him, behind his chair; +and looked steadily at his grandson. + +'And that,' he said, 'is he. Ah! that is he! Say what you wish to +say. But come no nearer,' + +'His sense of justice is so fine,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that he will +hear even him, although he knows beforehand that nothing can come of +it. Ingenuous mind!' Mr Pecksniff did not address himself +immediately to any person in saying this, but assuming the position +of the Chorus in a Greek Tragedy, delivered his opinion as a +commentary on the proceedings. + +'Grandfather!' said Martin, with great earnestness. 'From a painful +journey, from a hard life, from a sick-bed, from privation and +distress, from gloom and disappointment, from almost hopelessness +and despair, I have come back to you.' + +'Rovers of this sort,' observed Mr Pecksniff, as Chorus, 'very +commonly come back when they find they don't meet with the success +they expected in their marauding ravages.' + +'But for this faithful man,' said Martin, turning towards Mark, +'whom I first knew in this place, and who went away with me +voluntarily, as a servant, but has been, throughout, my zealous and +devoted friend; but for him, I must have died abroad. Far from +home, far from any help or consolation; far from the probability +even of my wretched fate being ever known to any one who cared to +hear it--oh, that you would let me say, of being known to you!' + +The old man looked at Mr Pecksniff. Mr Pecksniff looked at him. +'Did you speak, my worthy sir?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. +The old man answered in the negative. 'I know what you thought,' +said Mr Pecksniff, with another smile. 'Let him go on my friend. +The development of self-interest in the human mind is always a +curious study. Let him go on, sir.' + +'Go on!' observed the old man; in a mechanical obedience, it +appeared, to Mr Pecksniff's suggestion. + +'I have been so wretched and so poor,' said Martin, 'that I am +indebted to the charitable help of a stranger, in a land of +strangers, for the means of returning here. All this tells against +me in your mind, I know. I have given you cause to think I have +been driven here wholly by want, and have not been led on, in any +degree, by affection or regret. When I parted from you, +Grandfather, I deserved that suspicion, but I do not now. I do not +now.' + +The Chorus put its hand in its waistcoat, and smiled. 'Let him go +on, my worthy sir,' it said. 'I know what you are thinking of, but +don't express it prematurely.' + +Old Martin raised his eyes to Mr Pecksniff's face, and appearing to +derive renewed instruction from his looks and words, said, once +again: + +'Go on!' + +'I have little more to say,' returned Martin. 'And as I say it now, +with little or no hope, Grandfather; whatever dawn of hope I had on +entering the room; believe it to be true. At least, believe it to +be true.' + +'Beautiful Truth!' exclaimed the Chorus, looking upward. 'How is +your name profaned by vicious persons! You don't live in a well, my +holy principle, but on the lips of false mankind. It is hard to +bear with mankind, dear sir'--addressing the elder Mr Chuzzlewit; +'but let us do so meekly. It is our duty so to do. Let us be among +the Few who do their duty. If,' pursued the Chorus, soaring up into +a lofty flight, 'as the poet informs us, England expects Every man +to do his duty, England is the most sanguine country on the face of +the earth, and will find itself continually disappointed.' + +'Upon that subject,' said Martin, looking calmly at the old man as +he spoke, but glancing once at Mary, whose face was now buried in +her hands, upon the back of his easy-chair; 'upon that subject which +first occasioned a division between us, my mind and heart are +incapable of change. Whatever influence they have undergone, since +that unhappy time, has not been one to weaken but to strengthen me. +I cannot profess sorrow for that, nor irresolution in that, nor +shame in that. Nor would you wish me, I know. But that I might +have trusted to your love, if I had thrown myself manfully upon it; +that I might have won you over with ease, if I had been more +yielding and more considerate; that I should have best remembered +myself in forgetting myself, and recollecting you; reflection, +solitude, and misery, have taught me. I came resolved to say this, +and to ask your forgiveness; not so much in hope for the future, as +in regret for the past; for all that I would ask of you is, that you +would aid me to live. Help me to get honest work to do, and I would +do it. My condition places me at the disadvantage of seeming to +have only my selfish ends to serve, but try if that be so or not. +Try if I be self-willed, obdurate, and haughty, as I was; or have +been disciplined in a rough school. Let the voice of nature and +association plead between us, Grandfather; and do not, for one +fault, however thankless, quite reject me!' + +As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he +concealed his face behind his outspread fingers. + +'My dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, 'you must not +give way to this. It is very natural, and very amiable, but you +must not allow the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast +off, to move you so far. Rouse yourself. Think,' said Pecksniff, +'think of Me, my friend.' + +'I will,' returned old Martin, looking up into his face. 'You +recall me to myself. I will.' + +'Why, what,' said Mr Pecksniff, sitting down beside him in a chair +which he drew up for the purpose, and tapping him playfully on the +arm, 'what is the matter with my strong-minded compatriot, if I may +venture to take the liberty of calling him by that endearing +expression? Shall I have to scold my coadjutor, or to reason with +an intellect like this? I think not.' + +'No, no. There is no occasion,' said the old man. 'A momentary +feeling. Nothing more.' + +'Indignation,' observed Mr Pecksniff, 'WILL bring the scalding tear +into the honest eye, I know'--he wiped his own elaborately. 'But we +have highest duties to perform than that. Rouse yourself, Mr +Chuzzlewit. Shall I give expression to your thoughts, my friend?' + +'Yes,' said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at +him, half in vacancy and half in admiration, as if he were +fascinated by the man. 'Speak for me, Pecksniff, Thank you. You +are true to me. Thank you!' + +'Do not unman me, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand +vigorously, 'or I shall be unequal to the task. It is not agreeable +to my feelings, my good sir, to address the person who is now before +us, for when I ejected him from this house, after hearing of his +unnatural conduct from your lips, I renounced communication with him +for ever. But you desire it; and that is sufficient. Young man! +The door is immediately behind the companion of your infamy. Blush +if you can; begone without a blush, if you can't.' + +Martin looked as steadily at his grandfather as if there had been a +dead silence all this time. The old man looked no less steadily at +Mr Pecksniff. + +'When I ordered you to leave this house upon the last occasion of +your being dismissed from it with disgrace,' said Mr Pecksniff; +'when, stung and stimulated beyond endurance by your shameless +conduct to this extraordinarily noble-minded individual, I exclaimed +"Go forth!" I told you that I wept for your depravity. Do not +suppose that the tear which stands in my eye at this moment, is shed +for you. It is shed for him, sir. It is shed for him.' + +Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a +bald part of Mr Chuzzlewit's head, wiped the place with his pocket- +handkerchief, and begged pardon. + +'It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your +arts,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'whom you seek to plunder, to deceive, and +to mislead. It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; +not in pity for him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall +not wrong him further, sir, in any way,' said Mr Pecksniff, quite +transported with enthusiasm, 'while I have life. You may bestride +my senseless corse, sir. That is very likely. I can imagine a mind +like yours deriving great satisfaction from any measure of that +kind. But while I continue to be called upon to exist, sir, you +must strike at him through me. Awe!' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his +head at Martin with indignant jocularity; 'and in such a cause you +will find me, my young sir, an Ugly Customer!' + +Still Martin looked steadily and mildly at his grandfather. 'Will +you give me no answer,' he said, at length, 'not a word?' + +'You hear what has been said,' replied the old man, without averting +his eyes from the face of Mr Pecksniff; who nodded encouragingly. + +'I have not heard your voice. I have not heard your spirit,' +returned Martin. + +'Tell him again,' said the old man, still gazing up in Mr +Pecksniff's face. + +'I only hear,' replied Martin, strong in his purpose from the first, +and stronger in it as he felt how Pecksniff winced and shrunk +beneath his contempt; 'I only hear what you say to me, grandfather.' + +Perhaps it was well for Mr Pecksniff that his venerable friend found +in his (Mr Pecksniff's) features an exclusive and engrossing object +of contemplation, for if his eyes had gone astray, and he had +compared young Martin's bearing with that of his zealous defender, +the latter disinterested gentleman would scarcely have shown to +greater advantage than on the memorable afternoon when he took Tom +Pinch's last receipt in full of all demands. One really might have +thought there was some quality in Mr Pecksniff--an emanation from +the brightness and purity within him perhaps--which set off and +adorned his foes; they looked so gallant and so manly beside him. + +'Not a word?' said Martin, for the second time. + +'I remember that I have a word to say, Pecksniff,' observed the old +man. 'But a word. You spoke of being indebted to the charitable +help of some stranger for the means of returning to England. Who is +he? And what help in money did he render you?' + +Although he asked this question of Martin, he did not look towards +him, but kept his eyes on Mr Pecksniff as before. It appeared to +have become a habit with him, both in a literal and figurative +sense, to look to Mr Pecksniff alone. + +Martin took out his pencil, tore a leaf from his pocket-book, and +hastily wrote down the particulars of his debt to Mr Bevan. The old +man stretched out his hand for the paper, and took it; but his eyes +did not wander from Mr Pecksniff's face. + +'It would be a poor pride and a false humility,' said Martin, in a +low voice, 'to say, I do not wish that to be paid, or that I have +any present hope of being able to pay it. But I never felt my +poverty so deeply as I feel it now.' + +'Read it to me, Pecksniff,' said the old man. + +Mr Pecksniff, after approaching the perusal of the paper as if it +were a manuscript confession of a murder, complied. + +'I think, Pecksniff,' said old Martin, 'I could wish that to be +discharged. I should not like the lender, who was abroad, who had +no opportunity of making inquiry, and who did (as he thought) a kind +action, to suffer.' + +'An honourable sentiment, my dear sir. Your own entirely. But a +dangerous precedent,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'permit me to suggest.' + +'It shall not be a precedent,' returned the old man. 'It is the +only recognition of him. But we will talk of it again. You shall +advise me. There is nothing else?' + +'Nothing else,' said Mr Pecksniff buoyantly, 'but for you to recover +this intrusion--this cowardly and indefensible outrage on your +feelings--with all possible dispatch, and smile again.' + +'You have nothing more to say?' inquired the old man, laying his +hand with unusual earnestness on Mr Pecksniff's sleeve. + +Mr Pecksniff would not say what rose to his lips. For reproaches he +observed, were useless. + +'You have nothing at all to urge? You are sure of that! If you have, +no matter what it is, speak freely. I will oppose nothing that you +ask of me,' said the old man. + +The tears rose in such abundance to Mr Pecksniff's eyes at this +proof of unlimited confidence on the part of his friend, that he was +fain to clasp the bridge of his nose convulsively before he could at +all compose himself. When he had the power of utterance again, he +said with great emotion, that he hoped he should live to deserve +this; and added, that he had no other observation whatever to make. + +For a few moments the old man sat looking at him, with that blank +and motionless expression which is not uncommon in the faces of +those whose faculties are on the wane, in age. But he rose up +firmly too, and walked towards the door, from which Mark withdrew to +make way for him. + +The obsequious Mr Pecksniff proffered his arm. The old man took it. +Turning at the door, he said to Martin, waving him off with his +hand, + +'You have heard him. Go away. It is all over. Go!' + +Mr Pecksniff murmured certain cheering expressions of sympathy and +encouragement as they retired; and Martin, awakening from the stupor +into which the closing portion of this scene had plunged him, to the +opportunity afforded by their departure, caught the innocent cause +of all in his embrace, and pressed her to his heart. + +'Dear girl!' said Martin. 'He has not changed you. Why, what an +impotent and harmless knave the fellow is!' + +'You have restrained yourself so nobly! You have borne so much!' + +'Restrained myself!' cried Martin, cheerfully. 'You were by, and +were unchanged, I knew. What more advantage did I want? The sight +of me was such a bitterness to the dog, that I had my triumph in his +being forced to endure it. But tell me, love--for the few hasty +words we can exchange now are precious--what is this which has been +rumoured to me? Is it true that you are persecuted by this knave's +addresses?' + +'I was, dear Martin, and to some extent am now; but my chief source +of unhappiness has been anxiety for you. Why did you leave us in +such terrible suspense?' + +'Sickness, distance; the dread of hinting at our real condition, +the impossibility of concealing it except in perfect silence; the +knowledge that the truth would have pained you infinitely more than +uncertainty and doubt,' said Martin, hurriedly; as indeed everything +else was done and said, in those few hurried moments, 'were the +causes of my writing only once. But Pecksniff? You needn't fear to +tell me the whole tale; for you saw me with him face to face, +hearing him speak, and not taking him by the throat; what is the +history of his pursuit of you? Is it known to my grandfather?' + +'Yes.' + +'And he assists him in it?' + +'No,' she answered eagerly. + +'Thank Heaven!' cried Martin, 'that it leaves his mind unclouded in +that one respect!' + +'I do not think,' said Mary, 'it was known to him at first. When +this man had sufficiently prepared his mind, he revealed it to him +by degrees. I think so, but I only know it from my own impression: +now from anything they told me. Then he spoke to me alone.' + +'My grandfather did?' said Martin. + +'Yes--spoke to me alone, and told me--' + +'What the hound had said,' cried Martin. 'Don't repeat it.' + +'And said I knew well what qualities he possessed; that he was +moderately rich; in good repute; and high in his favour and +confidence. But seeing me very much distressed, he said that he +would not control or force my inclinations, but would content +himself with telling me the fact. He would not pain me by dwelling +on it, or reverting to it; nor has he ever done so since, but has +truly kept his word.' + +'The man himself?--' asked Martin. + +'He has had few opportunities of pursuing his suit. I have never +walked out alone, or remained alone an instant in his presence. +Dear Martin, I must tell you,' she continued, 'that the kindness of +your grandfather to me remains unchanged. I am his companion still. +An indescribable tenderness and compassion seem to have mingled +themselves with his old regard; and if I were his only child, I +could not have a gentler father. What former fancy or old habit +survives in this, when his heart has turned so cold to you, is a +mystery I cannot penetrate; but it has been, and it is, a happiness +to me, that I remained true to him; that if he should wake from his +delusion, even at the point of death, I am here, love, to recall you +to his thoughts.' + +Martin looked with admiration on her glowing face, and pressed his +lips to hers. + +'I have sometimes heard, and read,' she said, 'that those whose +powers had been enfeebled long ago, and whose lives had faded, as it +were, into a dream, have been known to rouse themselves before +death, and inquire for familiar faces once very dear to them; but +forgotten, unrecognized, hated even, in the meantime. Think, if +with his old impressions of this man, he should suddenly resume his +former self, and find in him his only friend!' + +'I would not urge you to abandon him, dearest,' said Martin, 'though +I could count the years we are to wear out asunder. But the +influence this fellow exercises over him has steadily increased, I +fear.' + +She could not help admitting that. Steadily, imperceptibly, and +surely, until it was paramount and supreme. She herself had none; +and yet he treated her with more affection than at any previous +time. Martin thought the inconsistency a part of his weakness and +decay. + +'Does the influence extend to fear?' said Martin. 'Is he timid of +asserting his own opinion in the presence of this infatuation? I +fancied so just now.' + +'I have thought so, often. Often when we are sitting alone, almost +as we used to do, and I have been reading a favourite book to him or +he has been talking quite cheerfully, I have observed that the +entrance of Mr Pecksniff has changed his whole demeanour. He has +broken off immediately, and become what you have seen to-day. When +we first came here he had his impetuous outbreaks, in which it was +not easy for Mr Pecksniff with his utmost plausibility to appease +him. But these have long since dwindled away. He defers to him in +everything, and has no opinion upon any question, but that which is +forced upon him by this treacherous man.' + +Such was the account, rapidly furnished in whispers, and +interrupted, brief as it was, by many false alarms of Mr Pecksniff's +return; which Martin received of his grandfather's decline, and of +that good gentleman's ascendancy. He heard of Tom Pinch too, and +Jonas too, with not a little about himself into the bargain; for +though lovers are remarkable for leaving a great deal unsaid on all +occasions, and very properly desiring to come back and say it, they +are remarkable also for a wonderful power of condensation, and can, +in one way or other, give utterance to more language--eloquent +language--in any given short space of time, than all the six hundred +and fifty-eight members in the Commons House of Parliament of the +United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland; who are strong lovers +no doubt, but of their country only, which makes all the difference; +for in a passion of that kind (which is not always returned), it is +the custom to use as many words as possible, and express nothing +whatever. + +A caution from Mr Tapley; a hasty interchange of farewells, and of +something else which the proverb says must not be told of +afterwards; a white hand held out to Mr Tapley himself, which he +kissed with the devotion of a knight-errant; more farewells, more +something else's; a parting word from Martin that he would write +from London and would do great things there yet (Heaven knows what, +but he quite believed it); and Mark and he stood on the outside of +the Pecksniffian halls. + +'A short interview after such an absence!' said Martin, sorrowfully. +'But we are well out of the house. We might have placed ourselves +in a false position by remaining there, even so long, Mark.' + +'I don't know about ourselves, sir,' he returned; 'but somebody else +would have got into a false position, if he had happened to come +back again, while we was there. I had the door all ready, sir. If +Pecksniff had showed his head, or had only so much as listened +behind it, I would have caught him like a walnut. He's the sort of +man,' added Mr Tapley, musing, 'as would squeeze soft, I know.' + +A person who was evidently going to Mr Pecksniff's house, passed +them at this moment. He raised his eyes at the mention of the +architect's name; and when he had gone on a few yards, stopped and +gazed at them. Mr Tapley, also, looked over his shoulder, and so +did Martin; for the stranger, as he passed, had looked very sharply +at them. + +'Who may that be, I wonder!' said Martin. 'The face seems familiar +to me, but I don't know the man.' + +'He seems to have a amiable desire that his face should be tolerable +familiar to us,' said Mr Tapley, 'for he's a-staring pretty hard. +He'd better not waste his beauty, for he ain't got much to spare.' + +Coming in sight of the Dragon, they saw a travelling carriage at the +door. + +'And a Salisbury carriage, eh?' said Mr Tapley. 'That's what he +came in depend upon it. What's in the wind now? A new pupil, I +shouldn't wonder. P'raps it's a order for another grammar-school, +of the same pattern as the last.' + +Before they could enter at the door, Mrs Lupin came running out; and +beckoning them to the carriage showed them a portmanteau with the +name of CHUZZLEWIT upon it. + +'Miss Pecksniff's husband that was,' said the good woman to Martin. +'I didn't know what terms you might be on, and was quite in a worry +till you came back.' + +'He and I have never interchanged a word yet,' observed Martin; 'and +as I have no wish to be better or worse acquainted with him, I will +not put myself in his way. We passed him on the road, I have no +doubt. I am glad he timed his coming as he did. Upon my word! Miss +Pecksniff's husband travels gayly!' + +'A very fine-looking gentleman with him--in the best room now,' +whispered Mrs Lupin, glancing up at the window as they went into the +house. 'He has ordered everything that can be got for dinner; and +has the glossiest moustaches and whiskers ever you saw.' + +'Has he?' cried Martin, 'why then we'll endeavour to avoid him too, +in the hope that our self-denial may be strong enough for the +sacrifice. It is only for a few hours,' said Martin, dropping +wearily into a chair behind the little screen in the bar. 'Our +visit has met with no success, my dear Mrs Lupin, and I must go to +London.' + +'Dear, dear!' cried the hostess. + +'Yes, one foul wind no more makes a winter, than one swallow makes a +summer. I'll try it again. Tom Pinch has succeeded. With his +advice to guide me, I may do the same. I took Tom under my +protection once, God save the mark!' said Martin, with a melancholy +smile; 'and promised I would make his fortune. Perhaps Tom will +take me under HIS protection now, and teach me how to earn my +bread.' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR + +FURTHER CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +It was a special quality, among the many admirable qualities +possessed by Mr Pecksniff, that the more he was found out, the more +hypocrisy he practised. Let him be discomfited in one quarter, and +he refreshed and recompensed himself by carrying the war into +another. If his workings and windings were detected by A, so much +the greater reason was there for practicing without loss of time on +B, if it were only to keep his hand in. He had never been such a +saintly and improving spectacle to all about him, as after his +detection by Thomas Pinch. He had scarcely ever been at once so +tender in his humanity, and so dignified and exalted in his virtue, +as when young Martin's scorn was fresh and hot upon him. + +Having this large stock of superfluous sentiment and morality on +hand which must positively be cleared off at any sacrifice, Mr +Pecksniff no sooner heard his son-in-law announced, than he regarded +him as a kind of wholesale or general order, to be immediately +executed. Descending, therefore, swiftly to the parlour, and +clasping the young man in his arms, he exclaimed, with looks and +gestures that denoted the perturbation of his spirit: + +'Jonas. My child--she is well! There is nothing the matter?' + +'What, you're at it again, are you?' replied his son-in-law. 'Even +with me? Get away with you, will you?' + +'Tell me she is well then,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Tell me she is well +my boy!' + +'She's well enough,' retorted Jonas, disengaging himself. 'There's +nothing the matter with HER.' + +'There is nothing the matter with her!' cried Mr Pecksniff, sitting +down in the nearest chair, and rubbing up his hair. 'Fie upon my +weakness! I cannot help it, Jonas. Thank you. I am better now. +How is my other child; my eldest; my Cherrywerrychigo?' said Mr +Pecksniff, inventing a playful little name for her, in the restored +lightness of his heart. + +'She's much about the same as usual,' returned Jonas. 'She sticks +pretty close to the vinegar-bottle. You know she's got a +sweetheart, I suppose?' + +'I have heard of it,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'from headquarters; from my +child herself I will not deny that it moved me to contemplate the +loss of my remaining daughter, Jonas--I am afraid we parents are +selfish, I am afraid we are--but it has ever been the study of my +life to qualify them for the domestic hearth; and it is a sphere +which Cherry will adorn.' + +'She need adorn some sphere or other,' observed the son-in-law, for +she ain't very ornamental in general.' + +'My girls are now provided for,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'They are now +happily provided for, and I have not laboured in vain!' + +This is exactly what Mr Pecksniff would have said, if one of his +daughters had drawn a prize of thirty thousand pounds in the +lottery, or if the other had picked up a valuable purse in the +street, which nobody appeared to claim. In either of these cases he +would have invoked a patriarchal blessing on the fortunate head, +with great solemnity, and would have taken immense credit to +himself, as having meant it from the infant's cradle. + +'Suppose we talk about something else, now,' observed Jonas, drily. +'just for a change. Are you quite agreeable?' + +'Quite,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Ah, you wag, you naughty wag! You +laugh at poor old fond papa. Well! He deserves it. And he don't +mind it either, for his feelings are their own reward. You have +come to stay with me, Jonas?' + +'No. I've got a friend with me,' said Jonas. + +'Bring your friend!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a gush of hospitality. +'Bring any number of your friends!' + +'This ain't the sort of man to be brought,' said Jonas, +contemptuously. 'I think I see myself "bringing" him to your house, +for a treat! Thank'ee all the same; but he's a little too near the +top of the tree for that, Pecksniff.' + +The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A +position near the top of the tree was greatness, virtue, goodness, +sense, genius; or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from +all, and in itself something immeasurably better than all; with Mr +Pecksniff. A man who was able to look down upon Mr Pecksniff could +not be looked up at, by that gentleman, with too great an amount of +deference, or from a position of too much humility. So it always is +with great spirits. + +'I'll tell you what you may do, if you like,' said Jonas; 'you may +come and dine with us at the Dragon. We were forced to come down to +Salisbury last night, on some business, and I got him to bring me +over here this morning, in his carriage; at least, not his own +carriage, for we had a breakdown in the night, but one we hired +instead; it's all the same. Mind what you're about, you know. He's +not used to all sorts; he only mixes with the best!' + +'Some young nobleman who has been borrowing money of you at good +interest, eh?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his forefinger facetiously. +'I shall be delighted to know the gay sprig.' + +'Borrowing!' echoed Jonas. 'Borrowing! When you're a twentieth part +as rich as he is, you may shut up shop! We should be pretty well off +if we could buy his furniture, and plate, and pictures, by clubbing +together. A likely man to borrow: Mr Montague! Why since I was +lucky enough (come! and I'll say, sharp enough, too) to get a share +in the Assurance office that he's President of, I've made--never +mind what I've made,' said Jonas, seeming to recover all at once his +usual caution. 'You know me pretty well, and I don't blab about +such things. But, Ecod, I've made a trifle.' + +'Really, my dear Jonas,' cried Mr Pecksniff, with much warmth, 'a +gentleman like this should receive some attention. Would he like to +see the church? or if he has a taste for the fine arts--which I +have no doubt he has, from the description you give of his +circumstances--I can send him down a few portfolios. Salisbury +Cathedral, my dear Jonas,' said Mr Pecksniff; the mention of the +portfolios and his anxiety to display himself to advantage, +suggesting his usual phraseology in that regard, 'is an edifice +replete with venerable associations, and strikingly suggestive of +the loftiest emotions. It is here we contemplate the work of bygone +ages. It is here we listen to the swelling organ, as we stroll +through the reverberating aisles. We have drawings of this +celebrated structure from the North, from the South, from the East, +from the West, from the South-East, from the Nor'West--' + +During this digression, and indeed during the whole dialogue, Jonas +had been rocking on his chair, with his hands in his pockets and his +head thrown cunningly on one side. He looked at Mr Pecksniff now +with such shrewd meaning twinkling in his eyes, that Mr Pecksniff +stopped, and asked him what he was going to say. + +'Ecod!' he answered. 'Pecksniff if I knew how you meant to leave +your money, I could put you in the way of doubling it in no time. +It wouldn't be bad to keep a chance like this snug in the family. +But you're such a deep one!' + +'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff, much affected, 'I am not a +diplomatical character; my heart is in my hand. By far the +greater part of the inconsiderable savings I have accumulated in the +course of--I hope--a not dishonourable or useless career, is already +given, devised, and bequeathed (correct me, my dear Jonas, if I am +technically wrong), with expressions of confidence, which I will not +repeat; and in securities which it is unnecessary to mention to a +person whom I cannot, whom I will not, whom I need not, name.' Here +he gave the hand of his son-in-law a fervent squeeze, as if he would +have added, 'God bless you; be very careful of it when you get it!' + +Mr Jonas only shook his head and laughed, and, seeming to think +better of what he had had in his mind, said, 'No. He would keep his +own counsel.' But as he observed that he would take a walk, Mr +Pecksniff insisted on accompanying him, remarking that he could +leave a card for Mr Montague, as they went along, by way of +gentleman-usher to himself at dinner-time. Which he did. + +In the course of their walk, Mr Jonas affected to maintain that +close reserve which had operated as a timely check upon him during +the foregoing dialogue. And as he made no attempt to conciliate Mr +Pecksniff, but, on the contrary, was more boorish and rude to him +than usual, that gentleman, so far from suspecting his real design, +laid himself out to be attacked with advantage. For it is in the +nature of a knave to think the tools with which he works +indispensable to knavery; and knowing what he would do himself in +such a case, Mr Pecksniff argued, 'if this young man wanted anything +of me for his own ends, he would be polite and deferential.' + +The more Jonas repelled him in his hints and inquiries, the more +solicitous, therefore, Mr Pecksniff became to be initiated into the +golden mysteries at which he had obscurely glanced. Why should +there be cold and worldly secrets, he observed, between relations? +What was life without confidence? If the chosen husband of his +daughter, the man to whom he had delivered her with so much pride +and hope, such bounding and such beaming joy; if he were not a green +spot in the barren waste of life, where was that oasis to be bound? + +Little did Mr Pecksniff think on what a very green spot he planted +one foot at that moment! Little did he foresee when he said, 'All is +but dust!' how very shortly he would come down with his own! + +Inch by inch, in his grudging and ill-conditioned way; sustained to +the life, for the hope of making Mr Pecksniff suffer in that tender +place, the pocket, where Jonas smarted so terribly himself, gave him +an additional and malicious interest in the wiles he was set on to +practise; inch by inch, and bit by bit, Jonas rather allowed the +dazzling prospects of the Anglo-Bengalee establishment to escape +him, than paraded them before his greedy listener. And in the same +niggardly spirit, he left Mr Pecksniff to infer, if he chose (which +he DID choose, of course), that a consciousness of not having any +great natural gifts of speech and manner himself, rendered him +desirous to have the credit of introducing to Mr Montague some one +who was well endowed in those respects, and so atone for his own +deficiencies. Otherwise, he muttered discontentedly, he would have +seen his beloved father-in-law 'far enough off,' before he would +have taken him into his confidence. + +Primed in this artful manner, Mr Pecksniff presented himself at +dinner-time in such a state of suavity, benevolence, cheerfulness, +politeness, and cordiality, as even he had perhaps never attained +before. The frankness of the country gentleman, the refinement of +the artist, the good-humoured allowance of the man of the world; +philanthropy, forbearance, piety, toleration, all blended together +in a flexible adaptability to anything and everything; were +expressed in Mr Pecksniff, as he shook hands with the great +speculator and capitalist. + +'Welcome, respected sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to our humble village! +We are a simple people; primitive clods, Mr Montague; but we can +appreciate the honour of your visit, as my dear son-in-law can +testify. It is very strange,' said Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand +almost reverentially, 'but I seem to know you. That towering +forehead, my dear Jonas,' said Mr Pecksniff aside, 'and those +clustering masses of rich hair--I must have seen you, my dear sir, +in the sparkling throng.' + +Nothing was more probable, they all agreed. + +'I could have wished,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to have had the honour of +introducing you to an elderly inmate of our house: to the uncle of +our friend. Mr Chuzzlewit, sir, would have been proud indeed to +have taken you by the hand.' + +'Is the gentleman here now?' asked Montague, turning deeply red. +'He is,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'You said nothing about that, Chuzzlewit.' + +'I didn't suppose you'd care to hear of it,' returned Jonas. 'You +wouldn't care to know him, I can promise you.' + +'Jonas! my dear Jonas!' remonstrated Mr Pecksniff. 'Really!' + +'Oh! it's all very well for you to speak up for him,' said Jonas. +'You have nailed him. You'll get a fortune by him.' + +'Oho! Is the wind in that quarter?' cried Montague. 'Ha, ha, ha!' +and here they all laughed--especially Mr Pecksniff. + +'No, no!' said that gentleman, clapping his son-in-law playfully +upon the shoulder. 'You must not believe all that my young relative +says, Mr Montague. You may believe him in official business, and +trust him in official business, but you must not attach importance +to his flights of fancy.' + +'Upon my life, Mr Pecksniff,' cried Montague, 'I attach the greatest +importance to that last observation of his. I trust and hope it's +true. Money cannot be turned and turned again quickly enough in the +ordinary course, Mr Pecksniff. There is nothing like building our +fortune on the weaknesses of mankind.' + +'Oh fie! oh fie, for shame!' cried Mr Pecksniff. But they all +laughed again--especially Mr Pecksniff. + +'I give you my honour that WE do it,' said Montague. + +'Oh fie, fie!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'You are very pleasant. That I +am sure you don't! That I am sure you don't! How CAN you, you know?' + +Again they all laughed in concert; and again Mr Pecksniff laughed +especially. + +This was very agreeable indeed. It was confidential, easy, +straight-forward; and still left Mr Pecksniff in the position of +being in a gentle way the Mentor of the party. The greatest +achievements in the article of cookery that the Dragon had ever +performed, were set before them; the oldest and best wines in the +Dragon's cellar saw the light on that occasion; a thousand bubbles, +indicative of the wealth and station of Mr Montague in the depths of +his pursuits, were constantly rising to the surface of the +conversation; and they were as frank and merry as three honest men +could be. Mr Pecksniff thought it a pity (he said so) that Mr +Montague should think lightly of mankind and their weaknesses. He +was anxious upon this subject; his mind ran upon it; in one way or +another he was constantly coming back to it; he must make a convert +of him, he said. And as often as Mr Montague repeated his sentiment +about building fortunes on the weaknesses of mankind, and added +frankly, 'WE do it!' just as often Mr Pecksniff repeated 'Oh fie! oh +fie, for shame! I am sure you don't. How CAN you, you know?' laying +a greater stress each time on those last words. + +The frequent repetition of this playful inquiry on the part of Mr +Pecksniff, led at last to playful answers on the part of Mr +Montague; but after some little sharp-shooting on both sides, Mr +Pecksniff became grave, almost to tears; observing that if Mr +Montague would give him leave, he would drink the health of his +young kinsman, Mr Jonas; congratulating him upon the valuable and +distinguished friendship he had formed, but envying him, he would +confess, his usefulness to his fellow-creatures. For, if he +understood the objects of that Institution with which he was newly +and advantageously connected--knowing them but imperfectly--they +were calculated to do Good; and for his (Mr Pecksniff's) part, if he +could in any way promote them, he thought he would be able to lay +his head upon his pillow every night, with an absolute certainty of +going to sleep at once. + +The transition from this accidental remark (for it was quite +accidental and had fallen from Mr Pecksniff in the openness of his +soul), to the discussion of the subject as a matter of business, was +easy. Books, papers, statements, tables, calculations of various +kinds, were soon spread out before them; and as they were all framed +with one object, it is not surprising that they should all have +tended to one end. But still, whenever Montague enlarged upon the +profits of the office, and said that as long as there were gulls +upon the wing it must succeed, Mr Pecksniff mildly said 'Oh fie!'-- +and might indeed have remonstrated with him, but that he knew he was +joking. Mr Pecksniff did know he was joking; because he said so. + +There never had been before, and there never would be again, such an +opportunity for the investment of a considerable sum (the rate of +advantage increased in proportion to the amount invested), as at +that moment. The only time that had at all approached it, was the +time when Jonas had come into the concern; which made him ill-natured +now, and inclined him to pick out a doubt in this place, and a flaw +in that, and grumbling to advise Mr Pecksniff to think better of it. +The sum which would complete the proprietorship in this snug +concern, was nearly equal to Mr Pecksniff's whole hoard; not +counting Mr Chuzzlewit, that is to say, whom he looked upon as money +in the Bank, the possession of which inclined him the more to make a +dash with his own private sprats for the capture of such a whale as +Mr Montague described. The returns began almost immediately, and +were immense. The end of it was, that Mr Pecksniff agreed to become +the last partner and proprietor in the Anglo-Bengalee, and made an +appointment to dine with Mr Montague, at Salisbury, on the next day +but one, then and there to complete the negotiation. + +It took so long to bring the subject to this head, that it was +nearly midnight when they parted. When Mr Pecksniff walked +downstairs to the door, he found Mrs Lupin standing there, looking +out. + +'Ah, my good friend!' he said; 'not a-bed yet! Contemplating the +stars, Mrs Lupin?' + +'It's a beautiful starlight night, sir.' + +'A beautiful starlight night,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up. +'Behold the planets, how they shine! Behold the--those two persons +who were here this morning have left your house, I hope, Mrs Lupin?' + +'Yes, sir. They are gone.' + +'I am glad to hear it,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Behold the wonders of +the firmament, Mrs Lupin! how glorious is the scene! When I look up +at those shining orbs, I think that each of them is winking to the +other to take notice of the vanity of men's pursuits. My +fellowmen!' cried Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head in pity; 'you are +much mistaken; my wormy relatives, you are much deceived! The stars +are perfectly contented (I suppose so) in their several spheres. +Why are not you? Oh! do not strive and struggle to enrich +yourselves, or to get the better of each other, my deluded friends, +but look up there, with me!' + +Mrs Lupin shook her head, and heaved a sigh. It was very affecting. + +'Look up there, with me!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his +hand; 'With me, a humble individual who is also an insect like +yourselves. Can silver, gold, or precious stones, sparkle like +those constellations! I think not. Then do not thirst for silver, +gold, or precious stones; but look up there, with me!' + +With those words, the good man patted Mrs Lupin's hand between his +own, as if he would have added 'think of this, my good woman!' and +walked away in a sort of ecstasy or rapture, with his hat under his +arm. + +Jonas sat in the attitude in which Mr Pecksniff had left him, gazing +moodily at his friend; who, surrounded by a heap of documents, was +writing something on an oblong slip of paper. + +'You mean to wait at Salisbury over the day after to-morrow, do you, +then?' said Jonas. + +'You heard our appointment,' returned Montague, without raising his +eyes. 'In any case I should have waited to see after the boy.' + +They appeared to have changed places again; Montague being in high +spirits; Jonas gloomy and lowering. + +'You don't want me, I suppose?' said Jonas. + +'I want you to put your name here,' he returned, glancing at him +with a smile, 'as soon as I have filled up the stamp. I may as well +have your note of hand for that extra capital. That's all I want. +If you wish to go home, I can manage Mr Pecksniff now, alone. There +is a perfect understanding between us.' + +Jonas sat scowling at him as he wrote, in silence. When he had +finished his writing, and had dried it on the blotting paper in his +travelling-desk; he looked up, and tossed the pen towards him. + +'What, not a day's grace, not a day's trust, eh?' said Jonas +bitterly. 'Not after the pains I have taken with to-night's work?' + +'To night's work was a part of our bargain,' replied Montague; 'and +so was this.' + +'You drive a hard bargain,' said Jonas, advancing to the table. +'You know best. Give it here!' + +Montague gave him the paper. After pausing as if he could not make +up his mind to put his name to it, Jonas dipped his pen hastily in +the nearest inkstand, and began to write. But he had scarcely +marked the paper when he started back, in a panic. + +'Why, what the devil's this?' he said. 'It's bloody!' + +He had dipped the pen, as another moment showed, into red ink. But +he attached a strange degree of importance to the mistake. He asked +how it had come there, who had brought it, why it had been brought; +and looked at Montague, at first, as if he thought he had put a +trick upon him. Even when he used a different pen, and the right +ink, he made some scratches on another paper first, as half +believing they would turn red also. + +'Black enough, this time,' he said, handing the note to Montague. +'Good-bye.' + +'Going now! how do you mean to get away from here?' + +'I shall cross early in the morning to the high road, before you are +out of bed; and catch the day-coach, going up. Good-bye!' + +'You are in a hurry!' + +'I have something to do,' said Jonas. 'Good-bye!' + +His friend looked after him as he went out, in surprise, which +gradually gave place to an air of satisfaction and relief. + +'It happens all the better. It brings about what I wanted, without +any difficulty. I shall travel home alone.' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE + +IN WHICH TOM PINCH AND HIS SISTER TAKE A LITTLE PLEASURE; BUT QUITE +IN A DOMESTIC WAY, AND WITH NO CEREMONY ABOUT IT + + +Tom Pinch and his sister having to part, for the dispatch of the +morning's business, immediately after the dispersion of the other +actors in the scene upon the wharf with which the reader has been +already made acquainted, had no opportunity of discussing the +subject at that time. But Tom, in his solitary office, and Ruth, in +the triangular parlour, thought about nothing else all day; and, +when their hour of meeting in the afternoon approached, they were +very full of it, to be sure. + +There was a little plot between them, that Tom should always come +out of the Temple by one way; and that was past the fountain. +Coming through Fountain Court, he was just to glance down the steps +leading into Garden Court, and to look once all round him; and if +Ruth had come to meet him, there he would see her; not sauntering, +you understand (on account of the clerks), but coming briskly up, +with the best little laugh upon her face that ever played in +opposition to the fountain, and beat it all to nothing. For, fifty +to one, Tom had been looking for her in the wrong direction, and had +quite given her up, while she had been tripping towards him from the +first; jingling that little reticule of hers (with all the keys in +it) to attract his wandering observation. + +Whether there was life enough left in the slow vegetation of +Fountain Court for the smoky shrubs to have any consciousness of the +brightest and purest-hearted little woman in the world, is a +question for gardeners, and those who are learned in the loves of +plants. But, that it was a good thing for that same paved yard to +have such a delicate little figure flitting through it; that it +passed like a smile from the grimy old houses, and the worn +flagstones, and left them duller, darker, sterner than before; there +is no sort of doubt. The Temple fountain might have leaped up +twenty feet to greet the spring of hopeful maidenhood, that in her +person stole on, sparkling, through the dry and dusty channels of +the Law; the chirping sparrows, bred in Temple chinks and crannies, +might have held their peace to listen to imaginary skylarks, as so +fresh a little creature passed; the dingy boughs, unused to droop, +otherwise than in their puny growth, might have bent down in a +kindred gracefulness to shed their benedictions on her graceful +head; old love letters, shut up in iron boxes in the neighbouring +offices, and made of no account among the heaps of family papers +into which they had strayed, and of which, in their degeneracy, they +formed a part, might have stirred and fluttered with a moment's +recollection of their ancient tenderness, as she went lightly by. +Anything might have happened that did not happen, and never will, +for the love of Ruth. + +Something happened, too, upon the afternoon of which the history +treats. Not for her love. Oh no! quite by accident, and without +the least reference to her at all. + +Either she was a little too soon, or Tom was a little too late--she +was so precise in general, that she timed it to half a minute--but +no Tom was there. Well! But was anybody else there, that she +blushed so deeply, after looking round, and tripped off down the +steps with such unusual expedition? + +Why, the fact is, that Mr Westlock was passing at that moment. The +Temple is a public thoroughfare; they may write up on the gates that +it is not, but so long as the gates are left open it is, and will +be; and Mr Westlock had as good a right to be there as anybody else. +But why did she run away, then? Not being ill dressed, for she was +much too neat for that, why did she run away? The brown hair that +had fallen down beneath her bonnet, and had one impertinent imp of a +false flower clinging to it, boastful of its licence before all men, +THAT could not have been the cause, for it looked charming. Oh! +foolish, panting, frightened little heart, why did she run away! + +Merrily the tiny fountain played, and merrily the dimples sparkled +on its sunny face. John Westlock hurried after her. Softly the +whispering water broke and fell; as roguishly the dimples twinkled, +as he stole upon her footsteps. + +Oh, foolish, panting, timid little heart, why did she feign to be +unconscious of his coming! Why wish herself so far away, yet be so +flutteringly happy there! + +'I felt sure it was you,' said John, when he overtook her in the +sanctuary of Garden Court. 'I knew I couldn't be mistaken.' + +She was SO surprised. + +'You are waiting for your brother,' said John. 'Let me bear you +company.' + +So light was the touch of the coy little hand, that he glanced down +to assure himself he had it on his arm. But his glance, stopping +for an instant at the bright eyes, forgot its first design, and went +no farther. + +They walked up and down three or four times, speaking about Tom and +his mysterious employment. Now that was a very natural and innocent +subject, surely. Then why, whenever Ruth lifted up her eyes, did +she let them fall again immediately, and seek the uncongenial +pavement of the court? They were not such eyes as shun the light; +they were not such eyes as require to be hoarded to enhance their +value. They were much too precious and too genuine to stand in need +of arts like those. Somebody must have been looking at them! + +They found out Tom, though, quickly enough. This pair of eyes +descried him in the distance, the moment he appeared. He was +staring about him, as usual, in all directions but the right one; +and was as obstinate in not looking towards them, as if he had +intended it. As it was plain that, being left to himself, he would +walk away home, John Westlock darted off to stop him. + +This made the approach of poor little Ruth, by herself, one of the +most embarrassing of circumstances. There was Tom, manifesting +extreme surprise (he had no presence of mind, that Tom, on small +occasions); there was John, making as light of it as he could, but +explaining at the same time with most unnecessary elaboration; and +here was she, coming towards them, with both of them looking at her, +conscious of blushing to a terrible extent, but trying to throw up +her eyebrows carelessly, and pout her rosy lips, as if she were the +coolest and most unconcerned of little women. + +Merrily the fountain plashed and plashed, until the dimples, merging +into one another, swelled into a general smile, that covered the +whole surface of the basin. + +'What an extraordinary meeting!' said Tom. 'I should never have +dreamed of seeing you two together here.' + +'Quite accidental,' John was heard to murmur. + +'Exactly,' cried Tom; 'that's what I mean, you know. If it wasn't +accidental, there would be nothing remarkable in it.' + +'To be sure,' said John. + +'Such an out-of-the-way place for you to have met in,' pursued Tom, +quite delighted. 'Such an unlikely spot!' + +John rather disputed that. On the contrary, he considered it a very +likely spot, indeed. He was constantly passing to and fro there, he +said. He shouldn't wonder if it were to happen again. His only +wonder was, that it had never happened before. + +By this time Ruth had got round on the farther side of her brother, +and had taken his arm. She was squeezing it now, as much as to say +'Are you going to stop here all day, you dear, old, blundering Tom?' + +Tom answered the squeeze as if it had been a speech. 'John,' he +said, 'if you'll give my sister your arm, we'll take her between us, +and walk on. I have a curious circumstance to relate to you. Our +meeting could not have happened better.' + +Merrily the fountain leaped and danced, and merrily the smiling +dimples twinkled and expanded more and more, until they broke into a +laugh against the basin's rim, and vanished. + +'Tom,' said his friend, as they turned into the noisy street, 'I +have a proposition to make. It is, that you and your sister--if she +will so far honour a poor bachelor's dwelling--give me a great +pleasure, and come and dine with me.' + +'What, to-day?' cried Tom. + +'Yes, to-day. It's close by, you know. Pray, Miss Pinch, insist +upon it. It will be very disinterested, for I have nothing to give +you.' + +'Oh! you must not believe that, Ruth,' said Tom. 'He is the most +tremendous fellow, in his housekeeping, that I ever heard of, for a +single man. He ought to be Lord Mayor. Well! what do you say? +Shall we go?' + +'If you please, Tom,' rejoined his dutiful little sister. + +'But I mean,' said Tom, regarding her with smiling admiration; 'is +there anything you ought to wear, and haven't got? I am sure I +don't know, John; she may not be able to take her bonnet off, for +anything I can tell.' + +There was a great deal of laughing at this, and there were divers +compliments from John Westlock--not compliments HE said at least +(and really he was right), but good, plain, honest truths, which no +one could deny. Ruth laughed, and all that, but she made no +objection; so it was an engagement. + +'If I had known it a little sooner,' said John, 'I would have tried +another pudding. Not in rivalry; but merely to exalt that famous +one. I wouldn't on any account have had it made with suet.' + +'Why not?' asked Tom. + +'Because that cookery-book advises suet,' said John Westlock; 'and +ours was made with flour and eggs.' + +'Oh good gracious!' cried Tom. 'Ours was made with flour and eggs, +was it? Ha, ha, ha! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs! +Why anybody knows better than that. I know better than that! Ha, +ha, ha!' + +It is unnecessary to say that Tom had been present at the making of +the pudding, and had been a devoted believer in it all through. But +he was so delighted to have this joke against his busy little sister +and was tickled to that degree at having found her out, that he +stopped in Temple Bar to laugh; and it was no more to Tom, that he +was anathematized and knocked about by the surly passengers, than it +would have been to a post; for he continued to exclaim with unabated +good humour, 'flour and eggs! A beefsteak pudding made with flour +and eggs!' until John Westlock and his sister fairly ran away from +him, and left him to have his laugh out by himself; which he had, +and then came dodging across the crowded street to them, with such +sweet temper and tenderness (it was quite a tender joke of Tom's) +beaming in his face, God bless it, that it might have purified the +air, though Temple Bar had been, as in the golden days gone by, +embellished with a row of rotting human heads. + +There are snug chambers in those Inns where the bachelors live, and, +for the desolate fellows they pretend to be, it is quite surprising +how well they get on. John was very pathetic on the subject of his +dreary life, and the deplorable makeshifts and apologetic +contrivances it involved, but he really seemed to make himself +pretty comfortable. His rooms were the perfection of neatness and +convenience at any rate; and if he were anything but comfortable, +the fault was certainly not theirs. + +He had no sooner ushered Tom and his sister into his best room +(where there was a beautiful little vase of fresh flowers on the +table, all ready for Ruth. Just as if he had expected her, Tom +said), than, seizing his hat, he bustled out again, in his most +energetically bustling, way; and presently came hurrying back, as +they saw through the half-opened door, attended by a fiery-faced +matron attired in a crunched bonnet, with particularly long strings +to it hanging down her back; in conjunction with whom he instantly +began to lay the cloth for dinner, polishing up the wine-glasses +with his own hands, brightening the silver top of the pepper-caster +on his coat-sleeve, drawing corks and filling decanters, with a +skill and expedition that were quite dazzling. And as if, in the +course of this rubbing and polishing, he had rubbed an enchanted +lamp or a magic ring, obedient to which there were twenty thousand +supernatural slaves at least, suddenly there appeared a being in a +white waistcoat, carrying under his arm a napkin, and attended by +another being with an oblong box upon his head, from which a +banquet, piping hot, was taken out and set upon the table. + +Salmon, lamb, peas, innocent young potatoes, a cool salad, sliced +cucumber, a tender duckling, and a tart--all there. They all came at +the right time. Where they came from, didn't appear; but the oblong +box was constantly going and coming, and making its arrival known to +the man in the white waistcoat by bumping modestly against the +outside of the door; for, after its first appearance, it entered the +room no more. He was never surprised, this man; he never seemed to +wonder at the extraordinary things he found in the box, but took +them out with a face expressive of a steady purpose and impenetrable +character, and put them on the table. He was a kind man; gentle in +his manners, and much interested in what they ate and drank. He was +a learned man, and knew the flavour of John Westlock's private +sauces, which he softly and feelingly described, as he handed the +little bottles round. He was a grave man, and a noiseless; for +dinner being done, and wine and fruit arranged upon the board, he +vanished, box and all, like something that had never been. + +'Didn't I say he was a tremendous fellow in his housekeeping?' cried +Tom. 'Bless my soul! It's wonderful.' + +'Ah, Miss Pinch,' said John. 'This is the bright side of the life +we lead in such a place. It would be a dismal life, indeed, if it +didn't brighten up to-day' + +'Don't believe a word he says,' cried Tom. 'He lives here like a +monarch, and wouldn't change his mode of life for any consideration. +He only pretends to grumble.' + +No, John really did not appear to pretend; for he was uncommonly +earnest in his desire to have it understood that he was as dull, +solitary, and uncomfortable on ordinary occasions as an unfortunate +young man could, in reason, be. It was a wretched life, he said, a +miserable life. He thought of getting rid of the chambers as soon +as possible; and meant, in fact, to put a bill up very shortly. + +'Well' said Tom Pinch, 'I don't know where you can go, John, to be +more comfortable. That's all I can say. What do YOU say, Ruth?' + +Ruth trifled with the cherries on her plate, and said that she +thought Mr Westlock ought to be quite happy, and that she had no +doubt he was. + +Ah, foolish, panting, frightened little heart, how timidly she said +it! + +'But you are forgetting what you had to tell, Tom; what occurred +this morning,' she added in the same breath. + +'So I am,' said Tom. 'We have been so talkative on other topics that +I declare I have not had time to think of it. I'll tell it you at +once, John, in case I should forget it altogether.' + +On Tom's relating what had passed upon the wharf, his friend was +very much surprised, and took such a great interest in the narrative +as Tom could not quite understand. He believed he knew the old lady +whose acquaintance they had made, he said; and that he might venture +to say, from their description of her, that her name was Gamp. But +of what nature the communication could have been which Tom had borne +so unexpectedly; why its delivery had been entrusted to him; how it +happened that the parties were involved together; and what secret +lay at the bottom of the whole affair; perplexed him very much. Tom +had been sure of his taking some interest in the matter; but was not +prepared for the strong interest he showed. It held John Westlock +to the subject even after Ruth had left the room; and evidently made +him anxious to pursue it further than as a mere subject of +conversation. + +'I shall remonstrate with my landlord, of course,' said Tom; 'though +he is a very singular secret sort of man, and not likely to afford +me much satisfaction; even if he knew what was in the letter.' + +'Which you may swear he did,' John interposed. + +'You think so?' + +'I am certain of it.' + +'Well!' said Tom, 'I shall remonstrate with him when I see him (he +goes in and out in a strange way, but I will try to catch him +tomorrow morning), on his having asked me to execute such an +unpleasant commission. And I have been thinking, John, that if I +went down to Mrs What's-her-name's in the City, where I was before, +you know--Mrs Todgers's--to-morrow morning, I might find poor Mercy +Pecksniff there, perhaps, and be able to explain to her how I came +to have any hand in the business.' + +'You are perfectly right, Tom,' returned his friend, after a short +interval of reflection. 'You cannot do better. It is quite clear +to me that whatever the business is, there is little good in it; and +it is so desirable for you to disentangle yourself from any +appearance of willful connection with it, that I would counsel you to +see her husband, if you can, and wash your hands of it by a plain +statement of the facts. I have a misgiving that there is something +dark at work here, Tom. I will tell you why, at another time; when +I have made an inquiry or two myself.' + +All this sounded very mysterious to Tom Pinch. But as he knew he +could rely upon his friend, he resolved to follow this advice. + +Ah, but it would have been a good thing to have had a coat of +invisibility, wherein to have watched little Ruth, when she was left +to herself in John Westlock's chambers, and John and her brother +were talking thus, over their wine! The gentle way in which she +tried to get up a little conversation with the fiery-faced matron in +the crunched bonnet, who was waiting to attend her; after making a +desperate rally in regard of her dress, and attiring herself in a +washed-out yellow gown with sprigs of the same upon it, so that it +looked like a tesselated work of pats of butter. That would have +been pleasant. The grim and griffin-like inflexibility with which +the fiery-faced matron repelled these engaging advances, as +proceeding from a hostile and dangerous power, who could have no +business there, unless it were to deprive her of a customer, or +suggest what became of the self-consuming tea and sugar, and other +general trifles. That would have been agreeable. The bashful, +winning, glorious curiosity, with which little Ruth, when fiery-face +was gone, peeped into the books and nick-nacks that were lying +about, and had a particular interest in some delicate paper-matches +on the chimney-piece; wondering who could have made them. That +would have been worth seeing. The faltering hand with which she +tied those flowers together; with which, almost blushing at her own +fair self as imaged in the glass, she arranged them in her breast, +and looking at them with her head aside, now half resolved to take +them out again, now half resolved to leave them where they were. +That would have been delightful! + +John seemed to think it all delightful; for coming in with Tom to +tea, he took his seat beside her like a man enchanted. And when the +tea-service had been removed, and Tom, sitting down at the piano, +became absorbed in some of his old organ tunes, he was still beside +her at the open window, looking out upon the twilight. + +There is little enough to see in Furnival's Inn. It is a shady, +quiet place, echoing to the footsteps of the stragglers who have +business there; and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer +evenings. What gave it such a charm to them, that they remained at +the window as unconscious of the flight of time as Tom himself, the +dreamer, while the melodies which had so often soothed his spirit +were hovering again about him! What power infused into the fading +light, the gathering darkness; the stars that here and there +appeared; the evening air, the City's hum and stir, the very chiming +of the old church clocks; such exquisite enthrallment, that the +divinest regions of the earth spread out before their eyes could not +have held them captive in a stronger chain? + +The shadows deepened, deepened, and the room became quite dark. +Still Tom's fingers wandered over the keys of the piano, and still +the window had its pair of tenants. At length, her hand upon his +shoulder, and her breath upon his forehead, roused Tom from his +reverie. + +'Dear me!' he cried, desisting with a start. 'I am afraid I have +been very inconsiderate and unpolite.' + +Tom little thought how much consideration and politeness he had +shown! + +'Sing something to us, my dear,' said Tom. 'let us hear your voice. +Come!' + +John Westlock added his entreaties with such earnestness that a +flinty heart alone could have resisted them. Hers was not a flinty +heart. Oh, dear no! Quite another thing. + +So down she sat, and in a pleasant voice began to sing the ballads +Tom loved well. Old rhyming stories, with here and there a pause +for a few simple chords, such as a harper might have sounded in the +ancient time while looking upward for the current of some half- +remembered legend; words of old poets, wedded to such measures that +the strain of music might have been the poet's breath, giving +utterance and expression to his thoughts; and now a melody so joyous +and light-hearted, that the singer seemed incapable of sadness, +until in her inconstancy (oh wicked little singer!) she relapsed, +and broke the listeners' hearts again; these were the simple means +she used to please them. And that these simple means prevailed, and +she DID please them, let the still darkened chamber, and its long- +deferred illumination witness. + +The candles came at last, and it was time for moving homeward. +Cutting paper carefully, and rolling it about the stalks of those +same flowers, occasioned some delay; but even this was done in time, +and Ruth was ready. + +'Good night!' said Tom. 'A memorable and delightful visit, John! +Good night!' + +John thought he would walk with them. + +'No, no. Don't!' said Tom. 'What nonsense! We can get home very +well alone. I couldn't think of taking you out.' + +But John said he would rather. + +'Are you sure you would rather?' said Tom. 'I am afraid you only +say so out of politeness.' + +John being quite sure, gave his arm to Ruth, and led her out. +Fiery-face, who was again in attendance, acknowledged her departure +with so cold a curtsey that it was hardly visible; and cut Tom, dead. + +Their host was bent on walking the whole distance, and would not +listen to Tom's dissuasions. Happy time, happy walk, happy parting, +happy dreams! But there are some sweet day-dreams, so there are that +put the visions of the night to shame. + +Busily the Temple fountain murmured in the moonlight, while Ruth lay +sleeping, with her flowers beside her; and John Westlock sketched a +portrait--whose?--from memory. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-SIX + +IN WHICH MISS PECKSNIFF MAKES LOVE, MR JONAS MAKES WRATH, MRS GAMP +MAKES TEA, AND MR CHUFFEY MAKES BUSINESS + + +On the next day's official duties coming to a close, Tom hurried +home without losing any time by the way; and after dinner and a +short rest sallied out again, accompanied by Ruth, to pay his +projected visit to Todgers's. Tom took Ruth with him, not only +because it was a great pleasure to him to have her for his companion +whenever he could, but because he wished her to cherish and comfort +poor Merry; which she, for her own part (having heard the wretched +history of that young wife from Tom), was all eagerness to do. + +'She was so glad to see me,' said Tom, 'that I am sure she will be +glad to see you. Your sympathy is certain to be much more delicate +and acceptable than mine.' + +'I am very far from being certain of that, Tom,' she replied; 'and +indeed you do yourself an injustice. Indeed you do. But I hope she +may like me, Tom.' + +'Oh, she is sure to do that!' cried Tom, confidently. + +'What a number of friends I should have, if everybody was of your +way of thinking. Shouldn't I, Tom, dear?' said his little sister +pinching him upon the cheek. + +Tom laughed, and said that with reference to this particular case he +had no doubt at all of finding a disciple in Merry. 'For you +women,' said Tom, 'you women, my dear, are so kind, and in your +kindness have such nice perception; you know so well how to be +affectionate and full of solicitude without appearing to be; your +gentleness of feeling is like your touch so light and easy, that the +one enables you to deal with wounds of the mind as tenderly as the +other enables you to deal with wounds of the body. You are such--' + +'My goodness, Tom!' his sister interposed. 'You ought to fall in +love immediately.' + +Tom put this observation off good humouredly, but somewhat gravely +too; and they were soon very chatty again on some other subject. + +As they were passing through a street in the City, not very far from +Mrs Todgers's place of residence, Ruth checked Tom before the window +of a large Upholstery and Furniture Warehouse, to call his attention +to something very magnificent and ingenious, displayed there to the +best advantage, for the admiration and temptation of the public. +Tom had hazarded some most erroneous and extravagantly wrong guess +in relation to the price of this article, and had joined his sister +in laughing heartily at his mistake, when he pressed her arm in his, +and pointed to two persons at a little distance, who were looking in +at the same window with a deep interest in the chests of drawers and +tables. + +'Hush!' Tom whispered. 'Miss Pecksniff, and the young gentleman to +whom she is going to be married.' + +'Why does he look as if he was going to be buried, Tom?' inquired +his little sister. + +'Why, he is naturally a dismal young gentleman, I believe,' said Tom +'but he is very civil and inoffensive.' + +'I suppose they are furnishing their house,' whispered Ruth. + +'Yes, I suppose they are,' replied Tom. 'We had better avoid +speaking to them.' + +They could not very well avoid looking at them, however, especially +as some obstruction on the pavement, at a little distance, happened +to detain them where they were for a few moments. Miss Pecksniff +had quite the air of having taken the unhappy Moddle captive, and +brought him up to the contemplation of the furniture like a lamb to +the altar. He offered no resistance, but was perfectly resigned and +quiet. The melancholy depicted in the turn of his languishing head, +and in his dejected attitude, was extreme; and though there was a +full-sized four-post bedstead in the window, such a tear stood +trembling in his eye as seemed to blot it out. + +'Augustus, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'ask the price of the +eight rosewood chairs, and the loo table.' + +'Perhaps they are ordered already,' said Augustus. 'Perhaps they +are Another's.' + +'They can make more like them, if they are,' rejoined Miss +Pecksniff. + +'No, no, they can't,' said Moddle. 'It's impossible!' + +He appeared, for the moment, to be quite overwhelmed and stupefied +by the prospect of his approaching happiness; but recovering, +entered the shop. He returned immediately, saying in a tone of +despair + +'Twenty-four pound ten!' + +Miss Pecksniff, turning to receive this announcement, became +conscious of the observation of Tom Pinch and his sister. + +'Oh, really!' cried Miss Pecksniff, glancing about her, as if for +some convenient means of sinking into the earth. 'Upon my word, I-- +there never was such a--to think that one should be so very--Mr +Augustus Moddle, Miss Pinch!' + +Miss Pecksniff was quite gracious to Miss Pinch in this triumphant +introduction; exceedingly gracious. She was more than gracious; she +was kind and cordial. Whether the recollection of the old service +Tom had rendered her in knocking Mr Jonas on the head had wrought +this change in her opinions; or whether her separation from her +parent had reconciled her to all human-kind, or to all that +interesting portion of human-kind which was not friendly to him; or +whether the delight of having some new female acquaintance to whom +to communicate her interesting prospects was paramount to every +other consideration; cordial and kind Miss Pecksniff was. And twice +Miss Pecksniff kissed Miss Pinch upon the cheek. + +'Augustus--Mr Pinch, you know. My dear girl!' said Miss Pecksniff, +aside. 'I never was so ashamed in my life.' + +Ruth begged her not to think of it. + +'I mind your brother less than anybody else,' simpered Miss +Pecksniff. 'But the indelicacy of meeting any gentleman under such +circumstances! Augustus, my child, did you--' + +Here Miss Pecksniff whispered in his ear. The suffering Moddle +repeated: + +'Twenty-four pound ten!' + +'Oh, you silly man! I don't mean them,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I am +speaking of the--' + +Here she whispered him again. + +'If it's the same patterned chintz as that in the window; thirty- +two, twelve, six,' said Moddle, with a sigh. 'And very dear.' + +Miss Pecksniff stopped him from giving any further explanation by +laying her hand upon his lips, and betraying a soft embarrassment. +She then asked Tom Pinch which way he was going. + +'I was going to see if I could find your sister,' answered Tom, 'to +whom I wished to say a few words. We were going to Mrs Todgers's, +where I had the pleasure of seeing her before.' + +'It's of no use your going on, then,' said Cherry, 'for we have not +long left there; and I know she is not at home. But I'll take you +to my sister's house, if you please. Augustus--Mr Moddle, I mean-- +and myself, are on our way to tea there, now. You needn't think of +HIM,' she added, nodding her head as she observed some hesitation on +Tom's part. 'He is not at home.' + +'Are you sure?' asked Tom. + +'Oh, I am quite sure of that. I don't want any MORE revenge,' said +Miss Pecksniff, expressively. 'But, really, I must beg you two +gentlemen to walk on, and allow me to follow with Miss Pinch. My +dear, I never was so taken by surprise!' + +In furtherance of this bashful arrangement, Moddle gave his arm to +Tom; and Miss Pecksniff linked her own in Ruth's. + +'Of course, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'it would be useless for +me to disguise, after what you have seen, that I am about to be +united to the gentleman who is walking with your brother. It would +be in vain to conceal it. What do you think of him? Pray, let me +have your candid opinion.' + +Ruth intimated that, as far as she could judge, he was a very +eligible swain. + +'I am curious to know,' said Miss Pecksniff, with loquacious +frankness, 'whether you have observed, or fancied, in this very +short space of time, that he is of a rather melancholy turn?' + +'So very short a time,' Ruth pleaded. + +'No, no; but don't let that interfere with your answer,' returned +Miss Pecksniff. 'I am curious to hear what you say.' + +Ruth acknowledged that he had impressed her at first sight as +looking 'rather low.' + +'No, really?' said Miss Pecksniff. 'Well! that is quite remarkable! +Everybody says the same. Mrs Todgers says the same; and Augustus +informs me that it is quite a joke among the gentlemen in the house. +Indeed, but for the positive commands I have laid upon him, I +believe it would have been the occasion of loaded fire-arms being +resorted to more than once. What do you think is the cause of his +appearance of depression?' + +Ruth thought of several things; such as his digestion, his tailor, +his mother, and the like. But hesitating to give utterance to any +one of them, she refrained from expressing an opinion. + +'My dear,' said Miss Pecksniff; 'I shouldn't wish it to be known, +but I don't mind mentioning it to you, having known your brother for +so many years--I refused Augustus three times. He is of a most +amiable and sensitive nature, always ready to shed tears if you look +at him, which is extremely charming; and he has never recovered the +effect of that cruelty. For it WAS cruel,' said Miss Pecksniff, +with a self-conviction candour that might have adorned the diadem of +her own papa. 'There is no doubt of it. I look back upon my +conduct now with blushes. I always liked him. I felt that he was not +to me what the crowd of young men who had made proposals had been, +but something very different. Then what right had I to refuse him +three times?' + +'It was a severe trial of his fidelity, no doubt,' said Ruth. + +'My dear,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'It was wrong. But such is the +caprice and thoughtlessness of our sex! Let me be a warning to you. +Don't try the feelings of any one who makes you an offer, as I have +tried the feelings of Augustus; but if you ever feel towards a +person as I really felt towards him, at the very time when I was +driving him to distraction, let that feeling find expression, if +that person throws himself at your feet, as Augustus Moddle did at +mine. Think,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'what my feelings would have +been, if I had goaded him to suicide, and it had got into the +papers!' + +Ruth observed that she would have been full of remorse, no doubt. + +'Remorse!' cried Miss Pecksniff, in a sort of snug and comfortable +penitence. 'What my remorse is at this moment, even after making +reparation by accepting him, it would be impossible to tell you! +Looking back upon my giddy self, my dear, now that I am sobered down +and made thoughtful, by treading on the very brink of matrimony; and +contemplating myself as I was when I was like what you are now; I +shudder. I shudder. What is the consequence of my past conduct? +Until Augustus leads me to the altar he is not sure of me. I have +blighted and withered the affections of his heart to that extent +that he is not sure of me. I see that preying on his mind and +feeding on his vitals. What are the reproaches of my conscience, +when I see this in the man I love!' + +Ruth endeavoured to express some sense of her unbounded and +flattering confidence; and presumed that she was going to be married +soon. + +'Very soon indeed,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'As soon as our house +is ready. We are furnishing now as fast as we can.' + +In the same vein of confidence Miss Pecksniff ran through a general +inventory of the articles that were already bought with the articles +that remained to be purchased; what garments she intended to be +married in, and where the ceremony was to be performed; and gave +Miss Pinch, in short (as she told her), early and exclusive +information on all points of interest connected with the event. + +While this was going forward in the rear, Tom and Mr Moddle walked +on, arm in arm, in the front, in a state of profound silence, which +Tom at last broke; after thinking for a long time what he could say +that should refer to an indifferent topic, in respect of which he +might rely, with some degree of certainty, on Mr Moddle's bosom +being unruffled. + +'I wonder,' said Tom, 'that in these crowded streets the foot- +passengers are not oftener run over.' + +Mr Moddle, with a dark look, replied: + +'The drivers won't do it.' + +'Do you mean?' Tom began-- + +'That there are some men,' interrupted Moddle, with a hollow laugh, +'who can't get run over. They live a charmed life. Coal waggons +recoil from them, and even cabs refuse to run them down. Ah!' said +Augustus, marking Tom's astonishment. 'There are such men. One of +'em is a friend of mine.' + +'Upon my word and honour,' thought Tom, 'this young gentleman is in +a state of mind which is very serious indeed!' Abandoning all idea +of conversation, he did not venture to say another word, but he was +careful to keep a tight hold upon Augustus's arm, lest he should fly +into the road, and making another and a more successful attempt, +should get up a private little Juggernaut before the eyes of his +betrothed. Tom was so afraid of his committing this rash act, that +he had scarcely ever experienced such mental relief as when they +arrived in safety at Mrs Jonas Chuzzlewit's house. + +'Walk up, pray, Mr Pinch,' said Miss Pecksniff. For Tom halted, +irresolutely, at the door. + +'I am doubtful whether I should be welcome,' replied Tom, 'or, I +ought rather to say, I have no doubt about it. I will send up a +message, I think.' + +'But what nonsense that is!' returned Miss Pecksniff, speaking apart +to Tom. 'He is not at home, I am certain. I know he is not; and +Merry hasn't the least idea that you ever--' + +'No,' interrupted Tom. 'Nor would I have her know it, on any +account. I am not so proud of that scuffle, I assure you.' + +'Ah, but then you are so modest, you see,' returned Miss Pecksniff, +with a smile. 'But pray walk up. If you don't wish her to know it, +and do wish to speak to her, pray walk up. Pray walk up, Miss +Pinch. Don't stand here.' + +Tom still hesitated for he felt that he was in an awkward position. +But Cherry passing him at this juncture, and leading his sister +upstairs, and the house-door being at the same time shut behind +them, he followed without quite knowing whether it was well or ill- +judged so to do. + +'Merry, my darling!' said the fair Miss Pecksniff, opening the door +of the usual sitting-room. 'Here are Mr Pinch and his sister come +to see you! I thought we should find you here, Mrs Todgers! How do +you do, Mrs Gamp? And how do you do, Mr Chuffey, though it's of no +use asking you the question, I am well aware.' + +Honouring each of these parties, as she severally addressed them, +with an acid smile, Miss Charity presented 'Mr Moddle.' + +'I believe you have seen HIM before,' she pleasantly observed. +'Augustus, my sweet child, bring me a chair.' + +The sweet child did as he was told; and was then about to retire +into a corner to mourn in secret, when Miss Charity, calling him in +an audible whisper a 'little pet,' gave him leave to come and sit +beside her. It is to be hoped, for the general cheerfulness of +mankind, that such a doleful little pet was never seen as Mr Moddle +looked when he complied. So despondent was his temper, that he +showed no outward thrill of ecstasy when Miss Pecksniff placed her +lily hand in his, and concealed this mark of her favour from the +vulgar gaze by covering it with a corner of her shawl. Indeed, he +was infinitely more rueful then than he had been before; and, +sitting uncomfortably upright in his chair, surveyed the company +with watery eyes, which seemed to say, without the aid of language, +'Oh, good gracious! look here! Won't some kind Christian help me!' + +But the ecstasies of Mrs Gamp were sufficient to have furnished +forth a score of young lovers; and they were chiefly awakened by the +sight of Tom Pinch and his sister. Mrs Gamp was a lady of that +happy temperament which can be ecstatic without any other +stimulating cause than a general desire to establish a large and +profitable connection. She added daily so many strings to her bow, +that she made a perfect harp of it; and upon that instrument she now +began to perform an extemporaneous concerto. + +'Why, goodness me!' she said, 'Mrs Chuzzlewit! To think as I should +see beneath this blessed 'ouse, which well I know it, Miss Pecksniff, +my sweet young lady, to be a 'ouse as there is not a many like, worse +luck, and wishin' it were not so, which then this tearful walley +would be changed into a flowerin' guardian, Mr Chuffey; to think as +I should see beneath this indiwidgle roof, identically comin', Mr +Pinch (I take the liberty, though almost unbeknown), and do assure +you of it, sir, the smilinest and sweetest face as ever, Mrs +Chuzzlewit, I see exceptin' yourn, my dear good lady, and YOUR good +lady's too, sir, Mr Moddle, if I may make so bold as speak so plain +of what is plain enough to them as needn't look through millstones, +Mrs Todgers, to find out wot is wrote upon the wall behind. Which +no offence is meant, ladies and gentlemen; none bein' took, I hope. +To think as I should see that smilinest and sweetest face which me +and another friend of mine, took notice of among the packages down +London Bridge, in this promiscous place, is a surprige in-deed!' + +Having contrived, in this happy manner, to invest every member of +her audience with an individual share and immediate personal +interest in her address, Mrs Gamp dropped several curtseys to Ruth, +and smilingly shaking her head a great many times, pursued the +thread of her discourse: + +'Now, ain't we rich in beauty this here joyful arternoon, I'm sure. +I knows a lady, which her name, I'll not deceive you, Mrs +Chuzzlewit, is Harris, her husband's brother bein' six foot three, +and marked with a mad bull in Wellington boots upon his left arm, on +account of his precious mother havin' been worrited by one into a +shoemaker's shop, when in a sitiwation which blessed is the man as +has his quiver full of sech, as many times I've said to Gamp when +words has roge betwixt us on account of the expense--and often have +I said to Mrs Harris, "Oh, Mrs Harris, ma'am! your countenance is +quite a angel's!" Which, but for Pimples, it would be. "No, Sairey +Gamp," says she, "you best of hard-working and industrious creeturs +as ever was underpaid at any price, which underpaid you are, quite +diff'rent. Harris had it done afore marriage at ten and six," she +says, "and wore it faithful next his heart "till the colour run, +when the money was declined to be give back, and no arrangement +could be come to. But he never said it was a angel's, Sairey, +wotever he might have thought." If Mrs Harris's husband was here +now,' said Mrs Gamp, looking round, and chuckling as she dropped a +general curtsey, 'he'd speak out plain, he would, and his dear wife +would be the last to blame him! For if ever a woman lived as know'd +not wot it was to form a wish to pizon them as had good looks, and +had no reagion give her by the best of husbands, Mrs Harris is that +ev'nly dispogician!' + +With these words the worthy woman, who appeared to have dropped in +to take tea as a delicate little attention, rather than to have any +engagement on the premises in an official capacity, crossed to Mr +Chuffey, who was seated in the same corner as of old, and shook him +by the shoulder. + +'Rouge yourself, and look up! Come!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Here's +company, Mr Chuffey.' + +'I am sorry for it,' cried the old man, looking humbly round the +room. 'I know I'm in the way. I ask pardon, but I've nowhere else +to go to. Where is she?' + +Merry went to him. + +'Ah!' said the old man, patting her on the check. 'Here she is. +Here she is! She's never hard on poor old Chuffey. Poor old Chuff!' + +As she took her seat upon a low chair by the old man's side, and put +herself within the reach of his hand, she looked up once at Tom. It +was a sad look that she cast upon him, though there was a faint +smile trembling on her face. It was a speaking look, and Tom knew +what it said. 'You see how misery has changed me. I can feel for a +dependant NOW, and set some value on his attachment.' + +'Aye, aye!' cried Chuffey in a soothing tone. 'Aye, aye, aye! Never +mind him. It's hard to hear, but never mind him. He'll die one +day. There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year--three +hundred and sixty-six in leap year--and he may die on any one of +'em.' + +'You're a wearing old soul, and that's the sacred truth,' said Mrs +Gamp, contemplating him from a little distance with anything but +favour, as he continued to mutter to himself. 'It's a pity that you +don't know wot you say, for you'd tire your own patience out if you +did, and fret yourself into a happy releage for all as knows you.' + +'His son,' murmured the old man, lifting up his hand. 'His son!' + +'Well, I'm sure!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you're a-settlin' of it, Mr +Chuffey. To your satigefaction, sir, I hope. But I wouldn't lay a +new pincushion on it myself, sir, though you ARE so well informed. +Drat the old creetur, he's a-layin' down the law tolerable +confident, too! A deal he knows of sons! or darters either! Suppose +you was to favour us with some remarks on twins, sir, WOULD you be +so good!' + +The bitter and indignant sarcasm which Mrs Gamp conveyed into these +taunts was altogether lost on the unconscious Chuffey, who appeared +to be as little cognizant of their delivery as of his having given +Mrs Gamp offence. But that high-minded woman being sensitively +alive to any invasion of her professional province, and imagining +that Mr Chuffey had given utterance to some prediction on the +subject of sons, which ought to have emanated in the first instance +from herself as the only lawful authority, or which should at least +have been on no account proclaimed without her sanction and +concurrence, was not so easily appeased. She continued to sidle at +Mr Chuffey with looks of sharp hostility, and to defy him with many +other ironical remarks, uttered in that low key which commonly +denotes suppressed indignation; until the entrance of the teaboard, +and a request from Mrs Jonas that she would make tea at a side-table +for the party that had unexpectedly assembled, restored her to +herself. She smiled again, and entered on her ministration with her +own particular urbanity. + +'And quite a family it is to make tea for,' said Mrs Gamp; 'and wot +a happiness to do it! My good young 'ooman'--to the servant-girl-- +'p'raps somebody would like to try a new-laid egg or two, not biled +too hard. Likeways, a few rounds o' buttered toast, first cuttin' +off the crust, in consequence of tender teeth, and not too many of +'em; which Gamp himself, Mrs Chuzzlewit, at one blow, being in +liquor, struck out four, two single, and two double, as was took by +Mrs Harris for a keepsake, and is carried in her pocket at this +present hour, along with two cramp-bones, a bit o' ginger, and a +grater like a blessed infant's shoe, in tin, with a little heel to +put the nutmeg in; as many times I've seen and said, and used for +candle when required, within the month.' + +As the privileges of the side-table--besides including the small +prerogatives of sitting next the toast, and taking two cups of tea +to other people's one, and always taking them at a crisis, that is +to say, before putting fresh water into the tea-pot, and after it +had been standing for some time--also comprehended a full view of +the company, and an opportunity of addressing them as from a +rostrum, Mrs Gamp discharged the functions entrusted to her with +extreme good-humour and affability. Sometimes resting her saucer on +the palm of her outspread hand, and supporting her elbow on the +table, she stopped between her sips of tea to favour the circle with +a smile, a wink, a roll of the head, or some other mark of notice; +and at those periods her countenance was lighted up with a degree of +intelligence and vivacity, which it was almost impossible to +separate from the benignant influence of distilled waters. + +But for Mrs Gamp, it would have been a curiously silent party. Miss +Pecksniff only spoke to her Augustus, and to him in whispers. +Augustus spoke to nobody, but sighed for every one, and occasionally +gave himself such a sounding slap upon the forehead as would make +Mrs Todgers, who was rather nervous, start in her chair with an +involuntary exclamation. Mrs Todgers was occupied in knitting, and +seldom spoke. Poor Merry held the hand of cheerful little Ruth +between her own, and listening with evident pleasure to all she +said, but rarely speaking herself, sometimes smiled, and sometimes +kissed her on the cheek, and sometimes turned aside to hide the +tears that trembled in her eyes. Tom felt this change in her so +much, and was so glad to see how tenderly Ruth dealt with her, and +how she knew and answered to it, that he had not the heart to make +any movement towards their departure, although he had long since +given utterance to all he came to say. + +The old clerk, subsiding into his usual state, remained profoundly +silent, while the rest of the little assembly were thus occupied, +intent upon the dreams, whatever they might be, which hardly seemed +to stir the surface of his sluggish thoughts. The bent of these +dull fancies combining probably with the silent feasting that was +going on about him, and some struggling recollection of the last +approach to revelry he had witnessed, suggested a strange question +to his mind. He looked round upon a sudden, and said: + +'Who's lying dead upstairs?' + +'No one,' said Merry, turning to him. 'What is the matter? We are +all here.' + +'All here!' cried the old man. 'All here! Where is he then--my old +master, Mr Chuzzlewit, who had the only son? Where is he?' + +'Hush! Hush!' said Merry, speaking kindly to him. 'That happened +long ago. Don't you recollect?' + +'Recollect!' rejoined the old man, with a cry of grief. 'As if I +could forget! As if I ever could forget!' + +He put his hand up to his face for a moment; and then repeated +turning round exactly as before: + +'Who's lying dead upstairs?' + +'No one!' said Merry. + +At first he gazed angrily upon her, as upon a stranger who +endeavoured to deceive him; but peering into her face, and seeing +that it was indeed she, he shook his head in sorrowful compassion. + +'You think not. But they don't tell you. No, no, poor thing! They +don't tell you. Who are these, and why are they merry-making here, +if there is no one dead? Foul play! Go see who it is!' + +She made a sign to them not to speak to him, which indeed they had +little inclination to do; and remained silent herself. So did he +for a short time; but then he repeated the same question with an +eagerness that had a peculiar terror in it. + +'There's some one dead,' he said, 'or dying; and I want to knows who +it is. Go see, go see! Where's Jonas?' + +'In the country,' she replied. + +The old man gazed at her as if he doubted what she said, or had not +heard her; and, rising from his chair, walked across the room and +upstairs, whispering as he went, 'Foul play!' They heard his +footsteps overhead, going up into that corner of the room in which +the bed stood (it was there old Anthony had died); and then they +heard him coming down again immediately. His fancy was not so +strong or wild that it pictured to him anything in the deserted +bedchamber which was not there; for he returned much calmer, and +appeared to have satisfied himself. + +'They don't tell you,' he said to Merry in his quavering voice, as +he sat down again, and patted her upon the head. 'They don't tell +me either; but I'll watch, I'll watch. They shall not hurt you; +don't be frightened. When you have sat up watching, I have sat up +watching too. Aye, aye, I have!' he piped out, clenching his weak, +shrivelled hand. 'Many a night I have been ready!' + +He said this with such trembling gaps and pauses in his want of +breath, and said it in his jealous secrecy so closely in her ear, +that little or nothing of it was understood by the visitors. But +they had heard and seen enough of the old man to be disquieted, and +to have left their seats and gathered about him; thereby affording +Mrs Gamp, whose professional coolness was not so easily disturbed, +an eligible opportunity for concentrating the whole resources of her +powerful mind and appetite upon the toast and butter, tea and eggs. +She had brought them to bear upon those viands with such vigour that +her face was in the highest state of inflammation, when she now +(there being nothing left to eat or drink) saw fit to interpose. + +'Why, highty tighty, sir!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'is these your manners? +You want a pitcher of cold water throw'd over you to bring you +round; that's my belief, and if you was under Betsey Prig you'd have +it, too, I do assure you, Mr Chuffey. Spanish Flies is the only +thing to draw this nonsense out of you; and if anybody wanted to do +you a kindness, they'd clap a blister of 'em on your head, and put a +mustard poultige on your back. 'Who's dead, indeed! It wouldn't be +no grievous loss if some one was, I think!' + +'He's quiet now, Mrs Gamp,' said Merry. 'Don't disturb him.' + +'Oh, bother the old wictim, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' replied that zealous +lady, 'I ain't no patience with him. You give him his own way too +much by half. A worritin' wexagious creetur!' + +No doubt with the view of carrying out the precepts she enforced, +and 'bothering the old wictim' in practice as well as in theory, Mrs +Gamp took him by the collar of his coat, and gave him some dozen or +two of hearty shakes backward and forward in his chair; that +exercise being considered by the disciples of the Prig school of +nursing (who are very numerous among professional ladies) as +exceedingly conducive to repose, and highly beneficial to the +performance of the nervous functions. Its effect in this instance +was to render the patient so giddy and addle-headed, that he could +say nothing more; which Mrs Gamp regarded as the triumph of her art. + +'There!' she said, loosening the old man's cravat, in consequence of +his being rather black in the face, after this scientific treatment. +'Now, I hope, you're easy in your mind. If you should turn at all +faint we can soon rewive you, sir, I promige you. Bite a person's +thumbs, or turn their fingers the wrong way,' said Mrs Gamp, smiling +with the consciousness of at once imparting pleasure and instruction +to her auditors, 'and they comes to, wonderful, Lord bless you!' + +As this excellent woman had been formerly entrusted with the care of +Mr Chuffey on a previous occasion, neither Mrs Jonas nor anybody +else had the resolution to interfere directly with her mode of +treatment; though all present (Tom Pinch and his sister especially) +appeared to be disposed to differ from her views. For such is the +rash boldness of the uninitiated, that they will frequently set up +some monstrous abstract principle, such as humanity, or tenderness, +or the like idle folly, in obstinate defiance of all precedent and +usage; and will even venture to maintain the same against the +persons who have made the precedents and established the usage, and +who must therefore be the best and most impartial judges of the +subject. + +'Ah, Mr Pinch!' said Miss Pecksniff. 'It all comes of this +unfortunate marriage. If my sister had not been so precipitate, and +had not united herself to a Wretch, there would have been no Mr +Chuffey in the house.' + +'Hush!' cried Tom. 'She'll hear you.' + +'I should be very sorry if she did hear me, Mr Pinch,' said Cherry, +raising her voice a little; 'for it is not in my nature to add to +the uneasiness of any person; far less of my own sister. I know +what a sister's duties are, Mr Pinch, and I hope I always showed it +in my practice. Augustus, my dear child, find my pocket- +handkerchief, and give it to me.' + +Augustus obeyed, and took Mrs Todgers aside to pour his griefs into +her friendly bosom. + +'I am sure, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, looking after her betrothed and +glancing at her sister, 'that I ought to be very grateful for the +blessings I enjoy, and those which are yet in store for me. When I +contrast Augustus'--here she was modest and embarrased--'who, I +don't mind saying to you, is all softness, mildness, and devotion, +with the detestable man who is my sister's husband; and when I +think, Mr Pinch, that in the dispensations of this world, our cases +might have been reversed; I have much to be thankful for, indeed, +and much to make me humble and contented.' + +Contented she might have been, but humble she assuredly was not. +Her face and manner experienced something so widely different from +humility, that Tom could not help understanding and despising the +base motives that were working in her breast. He turned away, and +said to Ruth, that it was time for them to go. + +'I will write to your husband,' said Tom to Merry, 'and explain to +him, as I would have done if I had met him here, that if he has +sustained any inconvenience through my means, it is not my fault; a +postman not being more innocent of the news he brings, than I was +when I handed him that letter.' + +'I thank you!' said Merry. 'It may do some good.' + +She parted tenderly from Ruth, who with her brother was in the act +of leaving the room, when a key was heard in the lock of the door +below, and immediately afterwards a quick footstep in the passage. +Tom stopped, and looked at Merry. + +It was Jonas, she said timidly. + +'I had better not meet him on the stairs, perhaps,' said Tom, +drawing his sister's arm through his, and coming back a step or two. +'I'll wait for him here, a moment.' + +He had scarcely said it when the door opened, and Jonas entered. +His wife came forward to receive him; but he put her aside with his +hand, and said in a surly tone: + +'I didn't know you'd got a party.' + +As he looked, at the same time, either by accident or design, +towards Miss Pecksniff; and as Miss Pecksniff was only too delighted +to quarrel with him, she instantly resented it. + +'Oh dear!' she said, rising. 'Pray don't let us intrude upon your +domestic happiness! That would be a pity. We have taken tea here, +sir, in your absence; but if you will have the goodness to send us a +note of the expense, receipted, we shall be happy to pay it. +Augustus, my love, we will go, if you please. Mrs Todgers, unless +you wish to remain here, we shall be happy to take you with us. It +would be a pity, indeed, to spoil the bliss which this gentleman +always brings with him, especially into his own home.' + +'Charity! Charity!' remonstrated her sister, in such a heartfelt +tone that she might have been imploring her to show the cardinal +virtue whose name she bore. + +'Merry, my dear, I am much obliged to you for your advice,' returned +Miss Pecksniff, with a stately scorn--by the way, she had not been +offered any--'but I am not his slave--' + +'No, nor wouldn't have been if you could,' interrupted Jonas. 'We +know all about it.' + +'WHAT did you say, sir?' cried Miss Pecksniff, sharply. + +'Didn't you hear?' retorted Jonas, lounging down upon a chair. 'I +am not a-going to say it again. If you like to stay, you may stay. +If you like to go, you may go. But if you stay, please to be +civil.' + +'Beast!' cried Miss Pecksniff, sweeping past him. 'Augustus! He is +beneath your notice!' Augustus had been making some faint and sickly +demonstration of shaking his fist. 'Come away, child,' screamed +Miss Pecksniff, 'I command you!' + +The scream was elicited from her by Augustus manifesting an +intention to return and grapple with him. But Miss Pecksniff giving +the fiery youth a pull, and Mrs Todgers giving him a push they all +three tumbled out of the room together, to the music of Miss +Pecksniff's shrill remonstrances. + +All this time Jonas had seen nothing of Tom and his sister; for they +were almost behind the door when he opened it, and he had sat down +with his back towards them, and had purposely kept his eyes upon the +opposite side of the street during his altercation with Miss +Pecksniff, in order that his seeming carelessness might increase the +exasperation of that wronged young damsel. His wife now faltered +out that Tom had been waiting to see him; and Tom advanced. + +The instant he presented himself, Jonas got up from his chair, and +swearing a great oath, caught it in his grasp, as if he would have +felled Tom to the ground with it. As he most unquestionably would +have done, but that his very passion and surprise made him +irresolute, and gave Tom, in his calmness, an opportunity of being +heard. + +'You have no cause to be violent, sir,' said Tom. 'Though what I +wish to say relates to your own affairs, I know nothing of them, and +desire to know nothing of them.' + +Jonas was too enraged to speak. He held the door open; and stamping +his foot upon the ground, motioned Tom away. + +'As you cannot suppose,' said Tom, 'that I am here with any view of +conciliating you or pleasing myself, I am quite indifferent to your +reception of me, or your dismissal of me. Hear what I have to say, +if you are not a madman! I gave you a letter the other day, when you +were about to go abroad.' + +'You Thief, you did!' retorted Jonas. 'I'll pay you for the +carriage of it one day, and settle an old score besides. I will!' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tom, 'you needn't waste words or threats. I wish +you to understand--plainly because I would rather keep clear of you +and everything that concerns you: not because I have the least +apprehension of your doing me any injury: which would be weak +indeed--that I am no party to the contents of that letter. That I +know nothing of it. That I was not even aware that it was to be +delivered to you; and that I had it from--' + +'By the Lord!' cried Jonas, fiercely catching up the chair, 'I'll +knock your brains out, if you speak another word.' + +Tom, nevertheless, persisting in his intention, and opening his lips +to speak again, Jonas set upon him like a savage; and in the +quickness and ferocity of his attack would have surely done him some +grievous injury, defenceless as he was, and embarrassed by having +his frightened sister clinging to his arm, if Merry had not run +between them, crying to Tom for the love of Heaven to leave the +house. The agony of this poor creature, the terror of his sister, +the impossibility of making himself audible, and the equal +impossibility of bearing up against Mrs Gamp, who threw herself upon +him like a feather-bed, and forced him backwards down the stairs by +the mere oppression of her dead weight, prevailed. Tom shook the +dust of that house off his feet, without having mentioned Nadgett's +name. + +If the name could have passed his lips; if Jonas, in the insolence +of his vile nature, had never roused him to do that old act of +manliness, for which (and not for his last offence) he hated him +with such malignity; if Jonas could have learned, as then he could +and would have learned, through Tom's means, what unsuspected spy +there was upon him; he would have been saved from the commission of +a Guilty Deed, then drawing on towards its black accomplishment. +But the fatality was of his own working; the pit was of his own +digging; the gloom that gathered round him was the shadow of his own +life. + +His wife had closed the door, and thrown herself before it, on the +ground, upon her knees. She held up her hands to him now, and +besought him not to be harsh with her, for she had interposed in +fear of bloodshed. + +'So, so!' said Jonas, looking down upon her, as he fetched his +breath. 'These are your friends, are they, when I am away? You +plot and tamper with this sort of people, do you?' + +'No, indeed! I have no knowledge of these secrets, and no clue to +their meaning. I have never seen him since I left home but once-- +but twice--before to-day.' + +'Oh!' sneered Jonas, catching at this correction. 'But once, but +twice, eh? Which do you mean? Twice and once, perhaps. Three +times! How many more, you lying jade?' + +As he made an angry motion with his hand, she shrunk down hastily. +A suggestive action! Full of a cruel truth! + +'How many more times?' he repeated. + +'No more. The other morning, and to-day, and once besides.' + +He was about to retort upon her, when the clock struck. He started +stopped, and listened; appearing to revert to some engagement, or to +some other subject, a secret within his own breast, recalled to him +by this record of the progress of the hours. + +'Don't lie there! Get up!' + +Having helped her to rise, or rather hauled her up by the arm, he +went on to say: + +'Listen to me, young lady; and don't whine when you have no +occasion, or I may make some for you. If I find him in my house +again, or find that you have seen him in anybody else's house, +you'll repent it. If you are not deaf and dumb to everything that +concerns me, unless you have my leave to hear and speak, you'll +repent it. If you don't obey exactly what I order, you'll repent +it. Now, attend. What's the time?' + +'It struck eight a minute ago.' + +He looked towards her intently; and said, with a laboured +distinctness, as if he had got the words off by heart: + +'I have been travelling day and night, and am tired. I have lost +some money, and that don't improve me. Put my supper in the little +off-room below, and have the truckle-bed made. I shall sleep there +to-night, and maybe to-morrow night; and if I can sleep all day to- +morrow, so much the better, for I've got trouble to sleep off, if I +can. Keep the house quiet, and don't call me. Mind! Don't call me. +Don't let anybody call me. Let me lie there.' + +She said it should be done. Was that all? + +'All what? You must be prying and questioning!' he angrily +retorted. 'What more do you want to know?' + +'I want to know nothing, Jonas, but what you tell me. All hope of +confidence between us has long deserted me!' + +'Ecod, I should hope so!' he muttered. + +'But if you will tell me what you wish, I will be obedient and will +try to please you. I make no merit of that, for I have no friend in +my father or my sister, but am quite alone. I am very humble and +submissive. You told me you would break my spirit, and you have +done so. Do not break my heart too!' + +She ventured, as she said these words, to lay her hand upon his +shoulder. He suffered it to rest there, in his exultation; and the +whole mean, abject, sordid, pitiful soul of the man, looked at her, +for the moment, through his wicked eyes. + +For the moment only; for, with the same hurried return to something +within himself, he bade her, in a surly tone, show her obedience by +executing his commands without delay. When she had withdrawn he +paced up and down the room several times; but always with his right +hand clenched, as if it held something; which it did not, being +empty. When he was tired of this, he threw himself into a chair, +and thoughtfully turned up the sleeve of his right arm, as if he +were rather musing about its strength than examining it; but, even +then, he kept the hand clenched. + +He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the +ground, when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him that the little room was +ready. Not being quite sure of her reception after interfering in +the quarrel, Mrs Gamp, as a means of interesting and propitiating +her patron, affected a deep solicitude in Mr Chuffey. + +'How is he now, sir?' she said. + +'Who?' cried Jonas, raising his head, and staring at her. + +'To be sure!' returned the matron with a smile and a curtsey. 'What +am I thinking of! You wasn't here, sir, when he was took so strange. +I never see a poor dear creetur took so strange in all my life, +except a patient much about the same age, as I once nussed, which +his calling was the custom-'us, and his name was Mrs Harris's own +father, as pleasant a singer, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever you heerd, with +a voice like a Jew's-harp in the bass notes, that it took six men to +hold at sech times, foaming frightful.' + +'Chuffey, eh?' said Jonas carelessly, seeing that she went up to the +old, clerk, and looked at him. 'Ha!' + +'The creetur's head's so hot,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that you might heat a +flat-iron at it. And no wonder I am sure, considerin' the things he +said!' + +'Said!' cried Jonas. 'What did he say?' + +Mrs Gamp laid her hand upon her heart, to put some check upon its +palpitations, and turning up her eyes replied in a faint voice: + +'The awfulest things, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever I heerd! Which Mrs +Harris's father never spoke a word when took so, some does and some +don't, except sayin' when he come round, "Where is Sairey Gamp?" +But raly, sir, when Mr Chuffey comes to ask who's lyin' dead upstairs, +and--' + +'Who's lying dead upstairs!' repeated Jonas, standing aghast. + +Mrs Gamp nodded, made as if she were swallowing, and went on. + +'Who's lying dead upstairs; sech was his Bible language; and where +was Mr Chuzzlewit as had the only son; and when he goes upstairs a- +looking in the beds and wandering about the rooms, and comes down +again a-whisperin' softly to his-self about foul play and that; it +gives me sech a turn, I don't deny it, Mr Chuzzlewit, that I never +could have kep myself up but for a little drain o' spirits, which I +seldom touches, but could always wish to know where to find, if so +dispoged, never knowin' wot may happen next, the world bein' so +uncertain.' + +'Why, the old fool's mad!' cried Jonas, much disturbed. + +'That's my opinion, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and I will not deceive +you. I believe as Mr Chuffey, sir, rekwires attention (if I may +make so bold), and should not have his liberty to wex and worrit +your sweet lady as he does.' + +'Why, who minds what he says?' retorted Jonas. + +'Still he is worritin' sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'No one don't mind him, +but he IS a ill conwenience.' + +'Ecod you're right,' said Jonas, looking doubtfully at the subject +of this conversation. 'I have half a mind to shut him up.' + +Mrs Gamp rubbed her hands, and smiled, and shook her head, and +sniffed expressively, as scenting a job. + +'Could you--could you take care of such an idiot, now, in some spare +room upstairs?' asked Jonas. + +'Me and a friend of mine, one off, one on, could do it, Mr +Chuzzlewit,' replied the nurse; 'our charges not bein' high, but +wishin' they was lower, and allowance made considerin' not +strangers. Me and Betsey Prig, sir, would undertake Mr Chuffey +reasonable,' said Mrs Gamp, looking at him with her head on one +side, as if he had been a piece of goods, for which she was driving +a bargain; 'and give every satigefaction. Betsey Prig has nussed a +many lunacies, and well she knows their ways, which puttin' 'em +right close afore the fire, when fractious, is the certainest and +most compoging.' + +While Mrs Gamp discoursed to this effect, Jonas was walking up and +down the room again, glancing covertly at the old clerk, as he did +so. He now made a stop, and said: + +'I must look after him, I suppose, or I may have him doing some +mischief. What say you?' + +'Nothin' more likely!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'As well I have +experienged, I do assure you, sir.' + +'Well! Look after him for the present, and--let me see--three days +from this time let the other woman come here, and we'll see if we +can make a bargain of it. About nine or ten o'clock at night, say. +Keep your eye upon him in the meanwhile, and don't talk about it. +He's as mad as a March hare!' + +'Madder!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A deal madder!' + +'See to him, then; take care that he does no harm; and recollect +what I have told you.' + +Leaving Mrs Gamp in the act of repeating all she had been told, and +of producing in support of her memory and trustworthiness, many +commendations selected from among the most remarkable opinions of +the celebrated Mrs Harris, he descended to the little room prepared +for him, and pulling off his coat and his boots, put them outside +the door before he locked it. In locking it, he was careful so to +adjust the key as to baffle any curious person who might try to peep +in through the key-hole; and when he had taken these precautions, he +sat down to his supper. + +'Mr Chuff,' he muttered, 'it'll be pretty easy to be even with YOU. +It's of no use doing things by halves, and as long as I stop here, +I'll take good care of you. When I'm off you may say what you +please. But it's a d--d strange thing,' he added, pushing away his +untouched plate, and striding moodily to and fro, 'that his +drivellings should have taken this turn just now.' + +After pacing the little room from end to end several times, he sat +down in another chair. + +'I say just now, but for anything I know, he may have been carrying +on the same game all along. Old dog! He shall be gagged!' + +He paced the room again in the same restless and unsteady way; and +then sat down upon the bedstead, leaning his chin upon his hand, and +looking at the table. When he had looked at it for a long time, he +remembered his supper; and resuming the chair he had first occupied, +began to eat with great rapacity; not like a hungry man, but as if +he were determined to do it. He drank too, roundly; sometimes +stopping in the middle of a draught to walk, and change his seat and +walk again, and dart back to the table and fall to, in a ravenous +hurry, as before. + +It was now growing dark. As the gloom of evening, deepening into +night, came on, another dark shade emerging from within him seemed +to overspread his face, and slowly change it. Slowly, slowly; +darker and darker; more and more haggard; creeping over him by +little and little, until it was black night within him and without. + +The room in which he had shut himself up, was on the ground floor, +at the back of the house. It was lighted by a dirty skylight, and +had a door in the wall, opening into a narrow covered passage or +blind-alley, very little frequented after five or six o'clock in the +evening, and not in much use as a thoroughfare at any hour. But it +had an outlet in a neighbouring street. + +The ground on which this chamber stood had, at one time, not within +his recollection, been a yard; and had been converted to its present +purpose for use as an office. But the occasion for it died with the +man who built it; and saving that it had sometimes served as an +apology for a spare bedroom, and that the old clerk had once held it +(but that was years ago) as his recognized apartment, it had been +little troubled by Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son. It was a blotched, +stained, mouldering room, like a vault; and there were water-pipes +running through it, which at unexpected times in the night, when +other things were quiet, clicked and gurgled suddenly, as if they +were choking. + +The door into the court had not been open for a long, long time; but +the key had always hung in one place, and there it hung now. He was +prepared for its being rusty; for he had a little bottle of oil in +his pocket and the feather of a pen, with which he lubricated the +key and the lock too, carefully. All this while he had been without +his coat, and had nothing on his feet but his stockings. He now got +softly into bed in the same state, and tossed from side to side to +tumble it. In his restless condition that was easily done. + +When he arose, he took from his portmanteau, which he had caused to +be carried into that place when he came home, a pair of clumsy +shoes, and put them on his feet; also a pair of leather leggings, +such as countrymen are used to wear, with straps to fasten them to +the waistband. In these he dressed himself at leisure. Lastly, he +took out a common frock of coarse dark jean, which he drew over his +own under-clothing; and a felt hat--he had purposely left his own +upstairs. He then sat himself down by the door, with the key in his +hand, waiting. + +He had no light; the time was dreary, long, and awful. The ringers +were practicing in a neighbouring church, and the clashing of the +bells was almost maddening. Curse the clamouring bells, they seemed +to know that he was listening at the door, and to proclaim it in a +crowd of voices to all the town! Would they never be still? + +They ceased at last, and then the silence was so new and terrible +that it seemed the prelude to some dreadful noise. Footsteps in the +court! Two men. He fell back from the door on tiptoe, as if they +could have seen him through its wooden panels. + +They passed on, talking (he could make out) about a skeleton which +had been dug up yesterday, in some work of excavation near at hand, +and was supposed to be that of a murdered man. 'So murder is not +always found out, you see,' they said to one another as they turned +the corner. + +Hush! + +He put the key into the lock, and turned it. The door resisted for +a while, but soon came stiffly open; mingling with the sense of +fever in his mouth, a taste of rust, and dust, and earth, and +rotting wood. He looked out; passed out; locked it after him. + +All was clear and quiet, as he fled away. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN + +CONCLUSION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +Did no men passing through the dim streets shrink without knowing +why, when he came stealing up behind them? As he glided on, had no +child in its sleep an indistinct perception of a guilty shadow +falling on its bed, that troubled its innocent rest? Did no dog +howl, and strive to break its rattling chain, that it might tear +him; no burrowing rat, scenting the work he had in hand, essay to +gnaw a passage after him, that it might hold a greedy revel at the +feast of his providing? When he looked back, across his shoulder, +was it to see if his quick footsteps still fell dry upon the dusty +pavement, or were already moist and clogged with the red mire that +stained the naked feet of Cain! + +He shaped his course for the main western road, and soon reached it; +riding a part of the way, then alighting and walking on again. He +travelled for a considerable distance upon the roof of a stage- +coach, which came up while he was afoot; and when it turned out of +his road, bribed the driver of a return post-chaise to take him on +with him; and then made across the country at a run, and saved a +mile or two before he struck again into the road. At last, as his +plan was, he came up with a certain lumbering, slow, night-coach, +which stopped wherever it could, and was stopping then at a public- +house, while the guard and coachman ate and drank within. + +He bargained for a seat outside this coach, and took it. And he +quitted it no more until it was within a few miles of its +destination, but occupied the same place all night. + +All night! It is a common fancy that nature seems to sleep by night. +It is a false fancy, as who should know better than he? + +The fishes slumbered in the cold, bright, glistening streams and +rivers, perhaps; and the birds roosted on the branches of the trees; +and in their stalls and pastures beasts were quiet; and human +creatures slept. But what of that, when the solemn night was +watching, when it never winked, when its darkness watched no less +than its light! The stately trees, the moon and shining stars, the +softly stirring wind, the over-shadowed lane, the broad, bright +countryside, they all kept watch. There was not a blade of growing +grass or corn, but watched; and the quieter it was, the more intent +and fixed its watch upon him seemed to be. + +And yet he slept. Riding on among those sentinels of God, he slept, +and did not change the purpose of his journey. If he forgot it in +his troubled dreams, it came up steadily, and woke him. But it +never woke him to remorse, or to abandonment of his design. + +He dreamed at one time that he was lying calmly in his bed, thinking +of a moonlight night and the noise of wheels, when the old clerk put +his head in at the door, and beckoned him. At this signal he arose +immediately--being already dressed in the clothes he actually wore +at that time--and accompanied him into a strange city, where the +names of the streets were written on the walls in characters quite +new to him; which gave him no surprise or uneasiness, for he +remembered in his dream to have been there before. Although these +streets were very precipitous, insomuch that to get from one to +another it was necessary to descend great heights by ladders that +were too short, and ropes that moved deep bells, and swung and +swayed as they were clung to, the danger gave him little emotion +beyond the first thrill of terror; his anxieties being concentrated +on his dress which was quite unfitted for some festival that was +about to be holden there, and in which he had come to take a part. +Already, great crowds began to fill the streets, and in one +direction myriads of people came rushing down an interminable +perspective, strewing flowers and making way for others on white +horses, when a terrible figure started from the throng, and cried +out that it was the Last Day for all the world. The cry being +spread, there was a wild hurrying on to Judgment; and the press +became so great that he and his companion (who was constantly +changing, and was never the same man two minutes together, though he +never saw one man come or another go), stood aside in a porch, +fearfully surveying the multitude; in which there were many faces +that he knew, and many that he did not know, but dreamed he did; +when all at once a struggling head rose up among the rest--livid and +deadly, but the same as he had known it--and denounced him as having +appointed that direful day to happen. They closed together. As he +strove to free the hand in which he held a club, and strike the blow +he had so often thought of, he started to the knowledge of his +waking purpose and the rising of the sun. + +The sun was welcome to him. There were life and motion, and a world +astir, to divide the attention of Day. It was the eye of Night--of +wakeful, watchful, silent, and attentive Night, with so much leisure +for the observation of his wicked thoughts--that he dreaded most. +There is no glare in the night. Even Glory shows to small advantage +in the night, upon a crowded battle-field. How then shows Glory's +blood-relation, bastard Murder! + +Aye! He made no compromise, and held no secret with himself now. +Murder. He had come to do it. + +'Let me get down here' he said + +'Short of the town, eh!' observed the coachman. + +'I may get down where I please, I suppose?' + +'You got up to please yourself, and may get down to please yourself. +It won't break our hearts to lose you, and it wouldn't have broken +'em if we'd never found you. Be a little quicker. That's all.' + +The guard had alighted, and was waiting in the road to take his +money. In the jealousy and distrust of what he contemplated, he +thought this man looked at him with more than common curiosity + +'What are you staring at?' said Jonas. + +'Not at a handsome man,' returned the guard. 'If you want your +fortune told, I'll tell you a bit of it. You won't be drowned. +That's a consolation for you.' + +Before he could retort or turn away, the coachman put an end to the +dialogue by giving him a cut with his whip, and biddig him get +out for a surly dog. The guard jumped up to his seat at the same +moment, and they drove off, laughing; leaving him to stand in the +road and shake his fist at them. He was not displeased though, +on second thoughts, to have been taken for an ill-conditioned +common country fellow; but rather congratulated himself upon it +as a proof that he was well disguised. + +Wandering into a copse by the road-side--but not in that place; two +or three miles off--he tore out from a fence a thick, hard, knotted +stake; and, sitting down beneath a hayrick, spent some time in +shaping it, in peeling off the bark, and fashioning its jagged head +with his knife. + +The day passed on. Noon, afternoon, evening. Sunset. + +At that serene and peaceful time two men, riding in a gig, came out +of the city by a road not much frequented. It was the day on which +Mr Pecksniff had agreed to dine with Montague. He had kept his +appointment, and was now going home. His host was riding with him +for a short distance; meaning to return by a pleasant track, which +Mr Pecksniff had engaged to show him, through some fields. Jonas +knew their plans. He had hung about the inn-yard while they were at +dinner and had heard their orders given. + +They were loud and merry in their conversation, and might have been +heard at some distance; far above the sound of their carriage wheels +or horses' hoofs. They came on noisily, to where a stile and +footpath indicated their point of separation. Here they stopped. + +'It's too soon. Much too soon,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'But this is +the place, my dear sir. Keep the path, and go straight through the +little wood you'll come to. The path is narrower there, but you +can't miss it. When shall I see you again? Soon I hope?' + +'I hope so,' replied Montague. + +'Good night!' + +'Good night. And a pleasant ride!' + +So long as Mr Pecksniff was in sight, and turned his head at +intervals to salute him, Montague stood in the road smiling, and +waving his hand. But when his new partner had disappeared, and this +show was no longer necessary, he sat down on the stile with looks so +altered, that he might have grown ten years older in the meantime. + +He was flushed with wine, but not gay. His scheme had succeeded, +but he showed no triumph. The effort of sustaining his difficult +part before his late companion had fatigued him, perhaps, or it may +be that the evening whispered to his conscience, or it may be (as it +HAS been) that a shadowy veil was dropping round him, closing out +all thoughts but the presentiment and vague foreknowledge of +impending doom. + +If there be fluids, as we know there are, which, conscious of a +coming wind, or rain, or frost, will shrink and strive to hide +themselves in their glass arteries; may not that subtle liquor of +the blood perceive, by properties within itself, that hands are +raised to waste and spill it; and in the veins of men run cold and +dull as his did, in that hour! + +So cold, although the air was warm; so dull, although the sky was +bright; that he rose up shivering from his seat, and hastily resumed +his walk. He checked himself as hastily; undecided whether to +pursue the footpath, which was lonely and retired, or to go back by +the road. + +He took the footpath. + +The glory of the departing sun was on his face. The music of the +birds was in his ears. Sweet wild flowers bloomed about him. +Thatched roofs of poor men's homes were in the distance; and an old +grey spire, surmounted by a Cross, rose up between him and the +coming night. + +He had never read the lesson which these things conveyed; he had +ever mocked and turned away from it; but, before going down into a +hollow place, he looked round, once, upon the evening prospect, +sorrowfully. Then he went down, down, down, into the dell. + +It brought him to the wood; a close, thick, shadowy wood, through +which the path went winding on, dwindling away into a slender sheep- +track. He paused before entering; for the stillness of this spot +almost daunted him. + +The last rays of the sun were shining in, aslant, making a path of +golden light along the stems and branches in its range, which, even +as he looked, began to die away, yielding gently to the twilight +that came creeping on. It was so very quiet that the soft and +stealthy moss about the trunks of some old trees, seemed to have +grown out of the silence, and to be its proper offspring. Those +other trees which were subdued by blasts of wind in winter time, had +not quite tumbled down, but being caught by others, lay all bare and +scathed across their leafy arms, as if unwilling to disturb the +general repose by the crash of their fall. Vistas of silence opened +everywhere, into the heart and innermost recesses of the wood; +beginning with the likeness of an aisle, a cloister, or a ruin open +to the sky; then tangling off into a deep green rustling mystery, +through which gnarled trunks, and twisted boughs, and ivy-covered +stems, and trembling leaves, and bark-stripped bodies of old trees +stretched out at length, were faintly seen in beautiful confusion. + +As the sunlight died away, and evening fell upon the wood, he +entered it. Moving, here and there a bramble or a drooping bough +which stretched across his path, he slowly disappeared. At +intervals a narrow opening showed him passing on, or the sharp +cracking of some tender branch denoted where he went; then, he was +seen or heard no more. + +Never more beheld by mortal eye or heard by mortal ear; one man +excepted. That man, parting the leaves and branches on the other +side, near where the path emerged again, came leaping out soon +afterwards. + +What had he left within the wood, that he sprang out of it as if +it were a hell! + +The body of a murdered man. In one thick solitary spot, it lay +among the last year's leaves of oak and beech, just as it had fallen +headlong down. Sopping and soaking in among the leaves that formed +its pillow; oozing down into the boggy ground, as if to cover itself +from human sight; forcing its way between and through the curling +leaves, as if those senseless things rejected and forswore it and +were coiled up in abhorrence; went a dark, dark stain that dyed the +whole summer night from earth to heaven. + +The doer of this deed came leaping from the wood so fiercely, that +he cast into the air a shower of fragments of young boughs, torn +away in his passage, and fell with violence upon the grass. But he +quickly gained his feet again, and keeping underneath a hedge with +his body bent, went running on towards the road. The road once +reached, he fell into a rapid walk, and set on toward London. + +And he was not sorry for what he had done. He was frightened when +he thought of it--when did he not think of it!--but he was not +sorry. He had had a terror and dread of the wood when he was in it; +but being out of it, and having committed the crime, his fears were +now diverted, strangely, to the dark room he had left shut up at +home. He had a greater horror, infinitely greater, of that room +than of the wood. Now that he was on his return to it, it seemed +beyond comparison more dismal and more dreadful than the wood. His +hideous secret was shut up in the room, and all its terrors were +there; to his thinking it was not in the wood at all. + +He walked on for ten miles; and then stopped at an ale-house for a +coach, which he knew would pass through, on its way to London, +before long; and which he also knew was not the coach he had +travelled down by, for it came from another place. He sat down +outside the door here, on a bench, beside a man who was smoking his +pipe. Having called for some beer, and drunk, he offered it to this +companion, who thanked him, and took a draught. He could not help +thinking that, if the man had known all, he might scarcely have +relished drinking out of the same cup with him. + +'A fine night, master!' said this person. 'And a rare sunset.' + +'I didn't see it,' was his hasty answer. + +'Didn't see it?' returned the man. + +'How the devil could I see it, if I was asleep?' + +'Asleep! Aye, aye.' The man appeared surprised by his unexpected +irritability, and saying no more, smoked his pipe in silence. They +had not sat very long, when there was a knocking within. + +'What's that?' cried Jonas. + +'Can't say, I'm sure,' replied the man. + +He made no further inquiry, for the last question had escaped him in +spite of himself. But he was thinking, at the moment, of the +closed-up room; of the possibility of their knocking at the door on +some special occasion; of their being alarmed at receiving no +answer; of their bursting it open; of their finding the room empty; +of their fastening the door into the court, and rendering it +impossible for him to get into the house without showing himself in +the garb he wore, which would lead to rumour, rumour to detection, +detection to death. At that instant, as if by some design and order +of circumstances, the knocking had come. + +It still continued; like a warning echo of the dread reality he had +conjured up. As he could not sit and hear it, he paid for his beer +and walked on again. And having slunk about, in places unknown to +him all day; and being out at night, in a lonely road, in an unusual +dress and in that wandering and unsettled frame of mind; he stopped +more than once to look about him, hoping he might be in a dream. + +Still he was not sorry. No. He had hated the man too much, and had +been bent, too desperately and too long, on setting himself free. +If the thing could have come over again, he would have done it +again. His malignant and revengeful passions were not so easily +laid. There was no more penitence or remorse within him now than +there had been while the deed was brewing. + +Dread and fear were upon him, to an extent he had never counted on, +and could not manage in the least degree. He was so horribly afraid +of that infernal room at home. This made him, in a gloomy +murderous, mad way, not only fearful FOR himself, but OF himself; +for being, as it were, a part of the room: a something supposed to +be there, yet missing from it: he invested himself with its +mysterious terrors; and when he pictured in his mind the ugly +chamber, false and quiet, false and quiet, through the dark hours of +two nights; and the tumbled bed, and he not in it, though believed +to be; he became in a manner his own ghost and phantom, and was at +once the haunting spirit and the haunted man. + +When the coach came up, which it soon did, he got a place outside +and was carried briskly onward towards home. Now, in taking his +seat among the people behind, who were chiefly country people, he +conceived a fear that they knew of the murder, and would tell him +that the body had been found; which, considering the time and place +of the commission of the crime, were events almost impossible to +have happened yet, as he very well knew. But although he did know +it, and had therefore no reason to regard their ignorance as +anything but the natural sequence to the facts, still this very +ignorance of theirs encouraged him. So far encouraged him, that he +began to believe the body never would be found, and began to +speculate on that probability. Setting off from this point, and +measuring time by the rapid hurry of his guilty thoughts, and what +had gone before the bloodshed, and the troops of incoherent and +disordered images of which he was the constant prey; he came by +daylight to regard the murder as an old murder, and to think himself +comparatively safe because it had not been discovered yet. Yet! +When the sun which looked into the wood, and gilded with its rising +light a dead man's lace, had seen that man alive, and sought to win +him to a thought of Heaven, on its going down last night! + +But here were London streets again. Hush! + +It was but five o'clock. He had time enough to reach his own house +unobserved, and before there were many people in the streets, if +nothing had happened so far, tending to his discovery. He slipped +down from the coach without troubling the driver to stop his horses; +and hurrying across the road, and in and out of every by-way that +lay near his course, at length approached his own dwelling. He used +additional caution in his immediate neighbourhood; halting first to +look all down the street before him; then gliding swiftly through +that one, and stopping to survey the next, and so on. + +The passage-way was empty when his murderer's face looked into it. +He stole on, to the door on tiptoe, as if he dreaded to disturb his +own imaginary rest. + +He listened. Not a sound. As he turned the key with a trembling +hand, and pushed the door softly open with his knee, a monstrous +fear beset his mind. + +What if the murdered man were there before him! + +He cast a fearful glance all round. But there was nothing there. + +He went in, locked the door, drew the key through and through the +dust and damp in the fire-place to sully it again, and hung it up as +of old. He took off his disguise, tied it up in a bundle ready for +carrying away and sinking in the river before night, and locked it +up in a cupboard. These precautions taken, he undressed and went to +bed. + +The raging thirst, the fire that burnt within him as he lay beneath +the clothes, the augmented horror of the room when they shut it out +from his view; the agony of listening, in which he paid enforced +regard to every sound, and thought the most unlikely one the prelude +to that knocking which should bring the news; the starts with which +he left his couch, and looking in the glass, imagined that his deed +was broadly written in his face, and lying down and burying himself +once more beneath the blankets, heard his own heart beating Murder, +Murder, Murder, in the bed; what words can paint tremendous truths +like these! + +The morning advanced. There were footsteps in the house. He heard +the blinds drawn up, and shutters opened; and now and then a +stealthy tread outside his own door. He tried to call out, more +than once, but his mouth was dry as if it had been filled with sand. +At last he sat up in his bed, and cried: + +'Who's there?' + +It was his wife. + +He asked her what it was o'clock? Nine. + +'Did--did no one knock at my door yesterday?' he faltered. +'Something disturbed me; but unless you had knocked the door down, +you would have got no notice from me.' + +'No one,' she replied. That was well. He had waited, almost +breathless, for her answer. It was a relief to him, if anything +could be. + +'Mr Nadgett wanted to see you,' she said, 'but I told him you were +tired, and had requested not to be disturbed. He said it was of +little consequence, and went away. As I was opening my window to +let in the cool air, I saw him passing through the street this +morning, very early; but he hasn't been again.' + +Passing through the street that morning? Very early! Jonas trembled +at the thought of having had a narrow chance of seeing him himself; +even him, who had no object but to avoid people, and sneak on +unobserved, and keep his own secrets; and who saw nothing. + +He called to her to get his breakfast ready, and prepared to go +upstairs; attiring himself in the clothes he had taken off when he +came into that room, which had been, ever since, outside the door. +In his secret dread of meeting the household for the first time, +after what he had done, he lingered at the door on slight pretexts +that they might see him without looking in his face; and left it +ajar while he dressed; and called out to have the windows opened, +and the pavement watered, that they might become accustomed to his +voice. Even when he had put off the time, by one means or other, so +that he had seen or spoken to them all, he could not muster courage +for a long while to go in among them, but stood at his own door +listening to the murmur of their distant conversation. + +He could not stop there for ever, and so joined them. His last +glance at the glass had seen a tell-tale face, but that might have +been because of his anxious looking in it. He dared not look at +them to see if they observed him, but he thought them very silent. + +And whatsoever guard he kept upon himself, he could not help +listening, and showing that he listened. Whether he attended to +their talk, or tried to think of other things, or talked himself, or +held his peace, or resolutely counted the dull tickings of a hoarse +clock at his back, he always lapsed, as if a spell were on him, into +eager listening. For he knew it must come. And his present +punishment, and torture and distraction, were, to listen for its +coming. + +Hush! + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT + +BEARS TIDINGS OF MARTIN AND OF MARK, AS WELL AS OF A THIRD PERSON +NOT QUITE UNKNOWN TO THE READER. EXHIBITS FILIAL PIETY IN AN UGLY +ASPECT; AND CASTS A DOUBTFUL RAY OF LIGHT UPON A VERY DARK PLACE + + +Tom Pinch and Ruth were sitting at their early breakfast, with the +window open, and a row of the freshest little plants ranged before +it on the inside by Ruth's own hands; and Ruth had fastened a sprig +of geranium in Tom's button-hole, to make him very smart and summer- +like for the day (it was obliged to be fastened in, or that dear old +Tom was certain to lose it); and people were crying flowers up and +down the street; and a blundering bee, who had got himself in +between the two sashes of the window, was bruising his head against +the glass, endeavouring to force himself out into the fine morning, +and considering himself enchanted because he couldn't do it; and the +morning was as fine a morning as ever was seen; and the fragrant air +was kissing Ruth and rustling about Tom, as if it said, 'how are +you, my dears; I came all this way on purpose to salute you;' and it +was one of those glad times when we form, or ought to form, the wish +that every one on earth were able to be happy, and catching glimpses +of the summer of the heart, to feel the beauty of the summer of the +year. + +It was even a pleasanter breakfast than usual; and it was always a +pleasant one. For little Ruth had now two pupils to attend, each +three times a week; and each two hours at a time; and besides this, +she had painted some screens and card-racks, and, unknown to Tom +(was there ever anything so delightful!), had walked into a certain +shop which dealt in such articles, after often peeping through the +window; and had taken courage to ask the Mistress of that shop +whether she would buy them. And the mistress had not only bought +them, but had ordered more, and that very morning Ruth had made +confession of these facts to Tom, and had handed him the money in a +little purse she had worked expressly for the purpose. They had +been in a flutter about this, and perhaps had shed a happy tear or +two for anything the history knows to the contrary; but it was all +over now; and a brighter face than Tom's, or a brighter face than +Ruth's, the bright sun had not looked on since he went to bed last +night. + +'My dear girl,' said Tom, coming so abruptly on the subject, that he +interrupted himself in the act of cutting a slice of bread, and left +the knife sticking in the loaf, 'what a queer fellow our landlord +is! I don't believe he has been home once since he got me into that +unsatisfactory scrape. I begin to think he will never come home +again. What a mysterious life that man does lead, to be sure!' + +'Very strange. Is it not, Tom?' + +'Really,' said Tom, 'I hope it is only strange. I hope there may be +nothing wrong in it. Sometimes I begin to be doubtful of that. I +must have an explanation with him,' said Tom, shaking his head as if +this were a most tremendous threat, 'when I can catch him!' + +A short double knock at the door put Tom's menacing looks to flight, +and awakened an expression of surprise instead. + +'Heyday!' said Tom. 'An early hour for visitors! It must be John, I +suppose.' + +'I--I--don't think it was his knock, Tom,' observed his little +sister. + +'No?' said Tom. 'It surely can't be my employer suddenly +arrived in town; directed here by Mr Fips; and come for the key of +the office. It's somebody inquiring for me, I declare! Come in, if +you please!' + +But when the person came in, Tom Pinch, instead of saying, 'Did you +wish to speak with me, sir?' or, 'My name is Pinch, sir; what is +your business, may I ask?' or addressing him in any such distant +terms; cried out, 'Good gracious Heaven!' and seized him by both +hands, with the liveliest manifestations of astonishment and +pleasure. + +The visitor was not less moved than Tom himself, and they shook +hands a great many times, without another word being spoken on +either side. Tom was the first to find his voice. + +'Mark Tapley, too!' said Tom, running towards the door, and shaking +hands with somebody else. 'My dear Mark, come in. How are you, +Mark? He don't look a day older than he used to do at the Dragon. +How ARE you, Mark?' + +'Uncommonly jolly, sir, thank'ee,' returned Mr Tapley, all smiles +and bows. 'I hope I see you well, sir.' + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, patting him tenderly on the back. +'How delightful it is to hear his old voice again! My dear Martin, +sit down. My sister, Martin. Mr Chuzzlewit, my love. Mark Tapley +from the Dragon, my dear. Good gracious me, what a surprise this +is! Sit down. Lord, bless me!' + +Tom was in such a state of excitement that he couldn't keep himself +still for a moment, but was constantly running between Mark and +Martin, shaking hands with them alternately, and presenting them +over and over again to his sister. + +'I remember the day we parted, Martin, as well as if it were +yesterday,' said Tom. 'What a day it was! and what a passion you +were in! And don't you remember my overtaking you in the road that +morning, Mark, when I was going to Salisbury in the gig to fetch him, +and you were looking out for a situation? And don't you recollect +the dinner we had at Salisbury, Martin, with John Westlock, eh! Good +gracious me! Ruth, my dear, Mr Chuzzlewit. Mark Tapley, my love, +from the Dragon. More cups and saucers, if you please. Bless my +soul, how glad I am to see you both!' + +And then Tom (as John Westlock had done on his arrival) ran off to +the loaf to cut some bread and butter for them; and before he had +spread a single slice, remembered something else, and came running +back again to tell it; and then he shook hands with them again; and +then he introduced his sister again; and then he did everything he +had done already all over again; and nothing Tom could do, and +nothing Tom could say, was half sufficient to express his joy at +their safe return. + +Mr Tapley was the first to resume his composure. In a very short +space of time he was discovered to have somehow installed himself in +office as waiter, or attendant upon the party; a fact which was +first suggested to them by his temporary absence in the kitchen, and +speedy return with a kettle of boiling water, from which he +replenished the tea-pot with a self-possession that was quite his +own. + +'Sit down, and take your breakfast, Mark,' said Tom. 'Make him sit +down and take his breakfast, Martin.' + +'Oh! I gave him up, long ago, as incorrigible,' Martin replied. 'He +takes his own way, Tom. You would excuse him, Miss Pinch, if you +knew his value.' + +'She knows it, bless you!' said Tom. 'I have told her all about +Mark Tapley. Have I not, Ruth?' + +'Yes, Tom.' + +'Not all,' returned Martin, in a low voice. 'The best of Mark +Tapley is only known to one man, Tom; and but for Mark he would +hardly be alive to tell it!' + +'Mark!' said Tom Pinch energetically; 'if you don't sit down this +minute, I'll swear at you!' + +'Well, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, 'sooner than you should do that, +I'll com-ply. It's a considerable invasion of a man's jollity to be +made so partickler welcome, but a Werb is a word as signifies to be, +to do, or to suffer (which is all the grammar, and enough too, as +ever I wos taught); and if there's a Werb alive, I'm it. For I'm +always a-bein', sometimes a-doin', and continually a-sufferin'.' + +'Not jolly yet?' asked Tom, with a smile. + +'Why, I was rather so, over the water, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; +'and not entirely without credit. But Human Natur' is in a +conspiracy again' me; I can't get on. I shall have to leave it in +my will, sir, to be wrote upon my tomb: "He was a man as might have +come out strong if he could have got a chance. But it was denied +him."' + +Mr Tapley took this occasion of looking about him with a grin, and +subsequently attacking the breakfast, with an appetite not at all +expressive of blighted hopes, or insurmountable despondency. + +In the meanwhile, Martin drew his chair a little nearer to Tom and +his sister, and related to them what had passed at Mr Pecksniff's +house; adding in few words a general summary of the distresses and +disappointments he had undergone since he left England. + +'For your faithful stewardship in the trust I left with you, Tom,' +he said, 'and for all your goodness and disinterestedness, I can +never thank you enough. When I add Mary's thanks to mine--' + +Ah, Tom! The blood retreated from his cheeks, and came rushing back, +so violently, that it was pain to feel it; ease though, ease, +compared with the aching of his wounded heart. + +'When I add Mary's thanks to mine,' said Martin, 'I have made the +only poor acknowledgment it is in our power to offer; but if you +knew how much we feel, Tom, you would set some store by it, I am +sure.' + +And if they had known how much Tom felt--but that no human creature +ever knew--they would have set some store by him. Indeed they +would. + +Tom changed the topic of discourse. He was sorry he could not +pursue it, as it gave Martin pleasure; but he was unable, at that +moment. No drop of envy or bitterness was in his soul; but he could +not master the firm utterance of her name. + +He inquired what Martin's projects were. + +'No longer to make your fortune, Tom,' said Martin, 'but to try to +live. I tried that once in London, Tom; and failed. If you will +give me the benefit of your advice and friendly counsel, I may +succeed better under your guidance. I will do anything Tom, +anything, to gain a livelihood by my own exertions. My hopes do not +soar above that, now.' + +High-hearted, noble Tom! Sorry to find the pride of his old +companion humbled, and to hear him speaking in this altered strain +at once, at once, he drove from his breast the inability to contend +with its deep emotions, and spoke out bravely. + +'Your hopes do not soar above that!' cried Tom. 'Yes they do. How +can you talk so! They soar up to the time when you will be happy +with her, Martin. They soar up to the time when you will be able to +claim her, Martin. They soar up to the time when you will not be +able to believe that you were ever cast down in spirit, or poor in +pocket, Martin. Advice, and friendly counsel! Why, of course. But +you shall have better advice and counsel (though you cannot have +more friendly) than mine. You shall consult John Westlock. We'll +go there immediately. It is yet so early that I shall have time to +take you to his chambers before I go to business; they are in my +way; and I can leave you there, to talk over your affairs with him. +So come along. Come along. I am a man of occupation now, you +know,' said Tom, with his pleasantest smile; 'and have no time to +lose. Your hopes don't soar higher than that? I dare say they +don't. I know you, pretty well. They'll be soaring out of sight +soon, Martin, and leaving all the rest of us leagues behind.' + +'Aye! But I may be a little changed,' said Martin, 'since you knew +me pretty well, Tom.' + +'What nonsense!' exclaimed Tom. 'Why should you be changed? You +talk as if you were an old man. I never heard such a fellow! Come +to John Westlock's, come. Come along, Mark Tapley. It's Mark's +doing, I have no doubt; and it serves you right for having such a +grumbler for your companion.' + +'There's no credit to be got through being jolly with YOU, Mr Pinch, +anyways,' said Mark, with his face all wrinkled up with grins. 'A +parish doctor might be jolly with you. There's nothing short of +goin' to the U-nited States for a second trip, as would make it at +all creditable to be jolly, arter seein' you again!' + +Tom laughed, and taking leave of his sister, hurried Mark and Martin +out into the street, and away to John Westlock's by the nearest +road; for his hour of business was very near at hand, and he prided +himself on always being exact to his time. + +John Westlock was at home, but, strange to say, was rather +embarrassed to see them; and when Tom was about to go into the room +where he was breakfasting, said he had a stranger there. It +appeared to be a mysterious stranger, for John shut that door as he +said it, and led them into the next room. + +He was very much delighted, though, to see Mark Tapley; and received +Martin with his own frank courtesy. But Martin felt that he did not +inspire John Westlock with any unusual interest; and twice or thrice +observed that he looked at Tom Pinch doubtfully; not to say +compassionately. He thought, and blushed to think, that he knew the +cause of this. + +'I apprehend you are engaged,' said Martin, when Tom had announced +the purport of their visit. 'If you will allow me to come again at +your own time, I shall be glad to do so.' + +'I AM engaged,' replied John, with some reluctance; 'but the matter +on which I am engaged is one, to say the truth, more immediately +demanding your knowledge than mine.' + +'Indeed!' cried Martin. + +'It relates to a member of your family, and is of a serious nature. +If you will have the kindness to remain here, it will be a +satisfaction to me to have it privately communicated to you, in +order that you may judge of its importance for yourself.' + +'And in the meantime,' said Tom, 'I must really take myself off, +without any further ceremony.' + +'Is your business so very particular,' asked Martin, 'that you +cannot remain with us for half an hour? I wish you could. What IS +your business, Tom?' + +It was Tom's turn to be embarrassed now; but he plainly said, after +a little hesitation: + +'Why, I am not at liberty to say what it is, Martin; though I hope +soon to be in a condition to do so, and am aware of no other reason +to prevent my doing so now, than the request of my employer. It's +an awkward position to be placed in,' said Tom, with an uneasy sense +of seeming to doubt his friend, 'as I feel every day; but I really +cannot help it, can I, John?' + +John Westlock replied in the negative; and Martin, expressing +himself perfectly satisfied, begged them not to say another word; +though he could not help wondering very much what curious office Tom +held, and why he was so secret, and embarrassed, and unlike himself, +in reference to it. Nor could he help reverting to it, in his own +mind, several times after Tom went away, which he did as soon as +this conversation was ended, taking Mr Tapley with him, who, as he +laughingly said, might accompany him as far as Fleet Street without +injury. + +'And what do you mean to do, Mark?' asked Tom, as they walked on +together. + +'Mean to do, sir?' returned Mr Tapley. + +'Aye. What course of life do you mean to pursue?' + +'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'The fact is, that I have been +a-thinking rather of the matrimonial line, sir.' + +'You don't say so, Mark!' cried Tom. + +'Yes, sir. I've been a-turnin' of it over.' + +'And who is the lady, Mark?' + +'The which, sir?' said Mr Tapley. + +'The lady. Come! You know what I said,' replied Tom, laughing, 'as +well as I do!' + +Mr Tapley suppressed his own inclination to laugh; and with one of +his most whimsically-twisted looks, replied: + +'You couldn't guess, I suppose, Mr Pinch?' + +'How is it possible?' said Tom. 'I don't know any of your flames, +Mark. Except Mrs Lupin, indeed.' + +'Well, sir!' retorted Mr Tapley. 'And supposing it was her!' + +Tom stopping in the street to look at him, Mr Tapley for a moment +presented to his view an utterly stolid and expressionless face; a +perfect dead wall of countenance. But opening window after window +in it with astonishing rapidity, and lighting them all up as for a +general illumination, he repeated: + +'Supposin', for the sake of argument, as it was her, sir!' + +'Why I thought such a connection wouldn't suit you, Mark, on any +terms!' cried Tom. + +'Well, sir! I used to think so myself, once,' said Mark. 'But I +ain't so clear about it now. A dear, sweet creetur, sir!' + +'A dear, sweet creature? To be sure she is,' cried Tom. 'But she +always was a dear, sweet creature, was she not?' + +'WAS she not!' assented Mr Tapley. + +'Then why on earth didn't you marry her at first, Mark, instead of +wandering abroad, and losing all this time, and leaving her alone by +herself, liable to be courted by other people?' + +'Why, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, in a spirit of unbounded confidence, +'I'll tell you how it come about. You know me, Mr Pinch, sir; there +ain't a gentleman alive as knows me better. You're acquainted with +my constitution, and you're acquainted with my weakness. My +constitution is, to be jolly; and my weakness is, to wish to find a +credit in it. Wery good, sir. In this state of mind, I gets a +notion in my head that she looks on me with a eye of--with what you +may call a favourable sort of a eye in fact,' said Mr Tapley, with +modest hesitation. + +'No doubt,' replied Tom. 'We knew that perfectly well when we spoke +on this subject long ago; before you left the Dragon.' + +Mr Tapley nodded assent. 'Well, sir! But bein' at that time full of +hopeful wisions, I arrives at the conclusion that no credit is to be +got out of such a way of life as that, where everything agreeable +would be ready to one's hand. Lookin' on the bright side of human +life in short, one of my hopeful wisions is, that there's a deal of +misery awaitin' for me; in the midst of which I may come out +tolerable strong, and be jolly under circumstances as reflects some +credit. I goes into the world, sir, wery boyant, and I tries this. +I goes aboard ship first, and wery soon discovers (by the ease with +which I'm jolly, mind you) as there's no credit to be got THERE. I +might have took warning by this, and gave it up; but I didn't. I +gets to the U-nited States; and then I DO begin, I won't deny it, to +feel some little credit in sustaining my spirits. What follows? +Jest as I'm a-beginning to come out, and am a-treadin' on the werge, +my master deceives me.' + +'Deceives you!' cried Tom. + +'Swindles me,' retorted Mr Tapley with a beaming face. 'Turns his +back on everything as made his service a creditable one, and leaves +me high and dry, without a leg to stand upon. In which state I +returns home. Wery good. Then all my hopeful wisions bein' +crushed; and findin' that there ain't no credit for me nowhere; I +abandons myself to despair, and says, "Let me do that as has the +least credit in it of all; marry a dear, sweet creetur, as is wery +fond of me; me bein', at the same time, wery fond of her; lead a +happy life, and struggle no more again' the blight which settles on +my prospects."' + +'If your philosophy, Mark,' said Tom, who laughed heartily at this +speech, 'be the oddest I ever heard of, it is not the least wise. +Mrs Lupin has said "yes," of course?' + +'Why, no, sir,' replied Mr Tapley; 'she hasn't gone so far as that +yet. Which I attribute principally to my not havin' asked her. But +we was wery agreeable together--comfortable, I may say--the night I +come home. It's all right, sir.' + +'Well!' said Tom, stopping at the Temple Gate. 'I wish you joy, +Mark, with all my heart. I shall see you again to-day, I dare say. +Good-bye for the present.' + +'Good-bye, sir! Good-bye, Mr Pinch!' he added by way of soliloquy, +as he stood looking after him. 'Although you ARE a damper to a +honourable ambition. You little think it, but you was the first to +dash my hopes. Pecksniff would have built me up for life, but your +sweet temper pulled me down. Good-bye, Mr Pinch!' + +While these confidences were interchanged between Tom Pinch and +Mark, Martin and John Westlock were very differently engaged. They +were no sooner left alone together than Martin said, with an effort +he could not disguise: + +'Mr Westlock, we have met only once before, but you have known Tom a +long while, and that seems to render you familiar to me. I cannot +talk freely with you on any subject unless I relieve my mind of what +oppresses it just now. I see with pain that you so far mistrust me +that you think me likely to impose on Tom's regardlessness of +himself, or on his kind nature, or some of his good qualities.' + +'I had no intention,' replied John, 'of conveying any such +impression to you, and am exceedingly sorry to have done so.' + +'But you entertain it?' said Martin. + +'You ask me so pointedly and directly,' returned the other, 'that I +cannot deny the having accustomed myself to regard you as one who, +not in wantonness but in mere thoughtlessness of character, did not +sufficiently consider his nature and did not quite treat it as it +deserves to be treated. It is much easier to slight than to +appreciate Tom Pinch.' + +This was not said warmly, but was energetically spoken too; for +there was no subject in the world (but one) on which the speaker +felt so strongly. + +'I grew into the knowledge of Tom,' he pursued, 'as I grew towards +manhood; and I have learned to love him as something, infinitely +better than myself. I did not think that you understood him when we +met before. I did not think that you greatly cared to understand +him. The instances of this which I observed in you were, like my +opportunities for observation, very trivial--and were very harmless, +I dare say. But they were not agreeable to me, and they forced +themselves upon me; for I was not upon the watch for them, believe +me. You will say,' added John, with a smile, as he subsided into +more of his accustomed manner, 'that I am not by any means agreeable +to you. I can only assure you, in reply, that I would not have +originated this topic on any account.' + +'I originated it,' said Martin; 'and so far from having any +complaint to make against you, highly esteem the friendship you +entertain for Tom, and the very many proofs you have given him of +it. Why should I endeavour to conceal from you'--he coloured deeply +though--'that I neither understood him nor cared to understand him +when I was his companion; and that I am very truly sorry for it +now!' + +It was so sincerely said, at once so modestly and manfully, that +John offered him his hand as if he had not done so before; and +Martin giving his in the same open spirit, all constraint between +the young men vanished. + +'Now pray,' said John, 'when I tire your patience very much in what +I am going to say, recollect that it has an end to it, and that the +end is the point of the story.' + +With this preface, he related all the circumstances connected with +his having presided over the illness and slow recovery of the +patient at the Bull; and tacked on to the skirts of that narrative +Tom's own account of the business on the wharf. Martin was not a +little puzzled when he came to an end, for the two stories seemed to +have no connection with each other, and to leave him, as the phrase +is, all abroad. + +'If you will excuse me for one moment,' said John, rising, 'I will +beg you almost immediately to come into the next room.' + +Upon that, he left Martin to himself, in a state of considerable +astonishment; and soon came back again to fulfil his promise. +Accompanying him into the next room, Martin found there a third +person; no doubt the stranger of whom his host had spoken when Tom +Pinch introduced him. + +He was a young man; with deep black hair and eyes. He was gaunt and +pale; and evidently had not long recovered from a severe illness. +He stood as Martin entered, but sat again at John's desire. His +eyes were cast downward; and but for one glance at them both, half +in humiliation and half in entreaty, he kept them so, and sat quite +still and silent. + +'This person's name is Lewsome,' said John Westlock, 'whom I have +mentioned to you as having been seized with an illness at the inn +near here, and undergone so much. He has had a very hard time of +it, ever since he began to recover; but, as you see, he is now doing +well.' + +As he did not move or speak, and John Westlock made a pause, Martin, +not knowing what to say, said that he was glad to hear it. + +'The short statement that I wish you to hear from his own lips, Mr +Chuzzlewit,' John pursued--looking attentively at him, and not at +Martin--'he made to me for the first time yesterday, and repeated to +me this morning, without the least variation of any essential +particular. I have already told you that he informed me before he +was removed from the Inn, that he had a secret to disclose to me +which lay heavy on his mind. But, fluctuating between sickness and +health and between his desire to relieve himself of it, and his +dread of involving himself by revealing it, he has, until yesterday, +avoided the disclosure. I never pressed him for it (having no idea +of its weight or import, or of my right to do so), until within a +few days past; when, understanding from him, on his own voluntary +avowal, in a letter from the country, that it related to a person +whose name was Jonas Chuzzlewit; and thinking that it might throw +some light on that little mystery which made Tom anxious now and +then; I urged the point upon him, and heard his statement, as you +will now, from his own lips. It is due to him to say, that in the +apprehension of death, he committed it to writing sometime since, +and folded it in a sealed paper, addressed to me; which he could not +resolve, however, to place of his own act in my hands. He has the +paper in his breast, I believe, at this moment.' + +The young man touched it hastily; in corroboration of the fact. + +'It will be well to leave that in our charge, perhaps,' said John. +'But do not mind it now.' + +As he said this, he held up his hand to bespeak Martin's attention. +It was already fixed upon the man before him, who, after a short +silence said, in a low, weak, hollow voice: + +'What relation was Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit, who--' + +'--Who died--to me?' said Martin. 'He was my grandfather's brother.' + +'I fear he was made away with. Murdered!' + +'My God!' said Martin. 'By whom?' + +The young man, Lewsome, looked up in his face, and casting down his +eyes again, replied: + +'I fear, by me.' + +'By you?' cried Martin. + +'Not by my act, but I fear by my means.' + +'Speak out!' said Martin, 'and speak the truth.' + +'I fear this IS the truth.' + +Martin was about to interrupt him again, but John Westlock saying +softly, 'Let him tell his story in his own way,' Lewsome went on +thus: + +'I have been bred a surgeon, and for the last few years have served +a general practitioner in the City, as his assistant. While I was +in his employment I became acquainted with Jonas Chuzzlewit. He is +the principal in this deed.' + +'What do you mean?' demanded Martin, sternly. 'Do you know he is +the son of the old man of whom you have spoken?' + +'I do,' he answered. + +He remained silent for some moments, when he resumed at the point +where he had left off. + +'I have reason to know it; for I have often heard him wish his old +father dead, and complain of his being wearisome to him, and a drag +upon him. He was in the habit of doing so, at a place of meeting we +had--three or four of us--at night. There was no good in the place +you may suppose, when you hear that he was the chief of the party. +I wish I had died myself, and never seen it!' + +He stopped again; and again resumed as before. + +'We met to drink and game; not for large sums, but for sums that +were large to us. He generally won. Whether or no, he lent money +at interest to those who lost; and in this way, though I think we +all secretly hated him, he came to be the master of us. To +propitiate him we made a jest of his father; it began with his +debtors; I was one; and we used to toast a quicker journey to the +old man, and a swift inheritance to the young one.' + +He paused again. + +'One night he came there in a very bad humour. He had been greatly +tried, he said, by the old man that day. He and I were alone +together; and he angrily told me, that the old man was in his second +childhood; that he was weak, imbecile, and drivelling; as unbearable +to himself as he was to other people; and that it would be a charity +to put him out of the way. He swore that he had often thought of +mixing something with the stuff he took for his cough, which should +help him to die easily. People were sometimes smothered who were +bitten by mad dogs, he said; and why not help these lingering old +men out of their troubles too? He looked full at me as he said so, +and I looked full at him; but it went no farther that night.' + +He stopped once more, and was silent for so long an interval that +John Westlock said 'Go on.' Martin had never removed his eyes from +his face, but was so absorbed in horror and astonishment that he +could not speak. + +'It may have been a week after that, or it may have been less or +more--the matter was in my mind all the time, but I cannot recollect +the time, as I should any other period--when he spoke to me again. +We were alone then, too; being there before the usual hour of +assembling. There was no appointment between us; but I think I went +there to meet him, and I know he came there to meet me. He was +there first. He was reading a newspaper when I went in, and nodded +to me without looking up, or leaving off reading. I sat down +opposite and close to him. He said, immediately, that he wanted me +to get him some of two sorts of drugs. One that was instantaneous +in its effect; of which he wanted very little. One that was slow +and not suspicious in appearance; of which he wanted more. While he +was speaking to me he still read the newspaper. He said "Drugs," +and never used any other word. Neither did I.' + +'This all agrees with what I have heard before,' observed John +Westlock. + +'I asked him what he wanted the drugs for? He said for no harm; to +physic cats; what did it matter to me? I was going out to a distant +colony (I had recently got the appointment, which, as Mr Westlock +knows, I have since lost by my sickness, and which was my only hope +of salvation from ruin), and what did it matter to me? He could get +them without my aid at half a hundred places, but not so easily as +he could get them of me. This was true. He might not want them at +all, he said, and he had no present idea of using them; but he +wished to have them by him. All this time he still read the +newspaper. We talked about the price. He was to forgive me a small +debt--I was quite in his power--and to pay me five pounds; and there +the matter dropped, through others coming in. But, next night, +under exactly similar circumstances, I gave him the drugs, on his +saying I was a fool to think that he should ever use them for any +harm; and he gave me the money. We have never met since. I only +know that the poor old father died soon afterwards, just as he would +have died from this cause; and that I have undergone, and suffer +now, intolerable misery. Nothing' he added, stretching out his +hands, 'can paint my misery! It is well deserved, but nothing can +paint it.' + +With that he hung his head, and said no more, wasted and wretched, +he was not a creature upon whom to heap reproaches that were +unavailing. + +'Let him remain at hand,' said Martin, turning from him; 'but out of +sight, in Heaven's name!' + +'He will remain here,' John whispered. 'Come with me!' Softly +turning the key upon him as they went out, he conducted Martin into +the adjoining room, in which they had been before. + +Martin was so amazed, so shocked, and confounded by what he had +heard that it was some time before he could reduce it to any order +in his mind, or could sufficiently comprehend the bearing of one +part upon another, to take in all the details at one view. When he, +at length, had the whole narrative clearly before him, John Westlock +went on to point out the great probability of the guilt of Jonas +being known to other people, who traded in it for their own benefit, +and who were, by such means, able to exert that control over him +which Tom Pinch had accidentally witnessed, and unconsciously +assisted. This appeared so plain, that they agreed upon it without +difficulty; but instead of deriving the least assistance from this +source, they found that it embarrassed them the more. + +They knew nothing of the real parties who possessed this power. The +only person before them was Tom's landlord. They had no right to +question Tom's landlord, even if they could find him, which, +according to Tom's account, it would not be easy to do. And +granting that they did question him, and he answered (which was +taking a good deal for granted), he had only to say, with reference +to the adventure on the wharf, that he had been sent from such and +such a place to summon Jonas back on urgent business, and there was +an end of it. + +Besides, there was the great difficulty and responsibility of moving +at all in the matter. Lewsome's story might be false; in his +wretched state it might be greatly heightened by a diseased brain; +or admitting it to be entirely true, the old man might have died a +natural death. Mr Pecksniff had been there at the time; as Tom +immediately remembered, when he came back in the afternoon, and +shared their counsels; and there had been no secrecy about it. +Martin's grandfather was of right the person to decide upon the +course that should be taken; but to get at his views would be +impossible, for Mr Pecksniff's views were certain to be his. +And the nature of Mr Pecksniff's views in reference to his own +son-in-law might be easily reckoned upon. + +Apart from these considerations, Martin could not endure the thought +of seeming to grasp at this unnatural charge against his relative, +and using it as a stepping-stone to his grandfather's favour. But +that he would seem to do so, if he presented himself before his +grandfather in Mr Pecksniff's house again, for the purpose of +declaring it; and that Mr Pecksniff, of all men, would represent his +conduct in that despicable light, he perfectly well knew. On the +other hand to be in possession of such a statement, and take no +measures of further inquiry in reference to it, was tantamount to +being a partner in the guilt it professed to disclose. + +In a word, they were wholly unable to discover any outlet from this +maze of difficulty, which did not lie through some perplexed and +entangled thicket. And although Mr Tapley was promptly taken into +their confidence; and the fertile imagination of that gentleman +suggested many bold expedients, which, to do him justice, he was +quite ready to carry into instant operation on his own personal +responsibility; still 'bating the general zeal of Mr Tapley's +nature, nothing was made particularly clearer by these offers of +service. + +It was in this position of affairs that Tom's account of the strange +behaviour of the decayed clerk, on the night of the tea-party, +became of great moment, and finally convinced them that to arrive at +a more accurate knowledge of the workings of that old man's mind and +memory, would be to take a most important stride in their pursuit of +the truth. So, having first satisfied themselves that no +communication had ever taken place between Lewsome and Mr Chuffey +(which would have accounted at once for any suspicions the latter +might entertain), they unanimously resolved that the old clerk was +the man they wanted. + +But, like the unanimous resolution of a public meeting, which will +oftentimes declare that this or that grievance is not to be borne a +moment longer, which is nevertheless borne for a century or two +afterwards, without any modification, they only reached in this the +conclusion that they were all of one mind. For it was one thing to +want Mr Chuffey, and another thing to get at him; and to do that +without alarming him, or without alarming Jonas, or without being +discomfited by the difficulty of striking, in an instrument so out +of tune and so unused, the note they sought, was an end as far from +their reach as ever. + +The question then became, who of those about the old clerk had had +most influence with him that night? Tom said his young mistress +clearly. But Tom and all of them shrunk from the thought of +entrapping her, and making her the innocent means of bringing +retribution on her cruel husband. Was there nobody else? Why yes. +In a very different way, Tom said, he was influenced by Mrs Gamp, +the nurse; who had once had the control of him, as he understood, +for some time. + +They caught at this immediately. Here was a new way out, developed +in a quarter until then overlooked. John Westlock knew Mrs Gamp; he +had given her employment; he was acquainted with her place of +residence: for that good lady had obligingly furnished him, at +parting, with a pack of her professional cards for general +distribution. It was decided that Mrs Gamp should be approached +with caution, but approached without delay; and that the depths of +that discreet matron's knowledge of Mr Chuffey, and means of +bringing them, or one of them, into communication with him, should +be carefully sounded. + +On this service, Martin and John Westlock determined to proceed that +night; waiting on Mrs Gamp first, at her lodgings; and taking their +chance of finding her in the repose of private life, or of having to +seek her out, elsewhere, in the exercise of her professional duties. +Tom returned home, that he might lose no opportunity of having an +interview with Nadgett, by being absent in the event of his +reappearance. And Mr Tapley remained (by his own particular desire) +for the time being in Furnival's Inn, to look after Lewsome; who +might safely have been left to himself, however, for any thought he +seemed to entertain of giving them the slip. + +Before they parted on their several errands, they caused him to read +aloud, in the presence of them all, the paper which he had about +him, and the declaration he had attached to it, which was to the +effect that he had written it voluntarily, in the fear of death and +in the torture of his mind. And when he had done so, they all +signed it, and taking it from him, of his free will, locked it in a +place of safety. + +Martin also wrote, by John's advice, a letter to the trustees of the +famous Grammar School, boldly claiming the successful design as his, +and charging Mr Pecksniff with the fraud he had committed. In this +proceeding also, John was hotly interested; observing, with his usual +irreverance, that Mr Pecksniff had been a successful rascal all his +life through, and that it would be a lasting source of happiness to +him (John) if he could help to do him justice in the smallest +particular. + +A busy day! But Martin had no lodgings yet; so when these matters +were disposed of, he excused himself from dining with John Westlock +and was fain to wander out alone, and look for some. He succeeded, +after great trouble, in engaging two garrets for himself and Mark, +situated in a court in the Strand, not far from Temple Bar. Their +luggage, which was waiting for them at a coach-office, he conveyed +to this new place of refuge; and it was with a glow of satisfaction, +which as a selfish man he never could have known and never had, +that, thinking how much pains and trouble he had saved Mark, and how +pleased and astonished Mark would be, he afterwards walked up and +down, in the Temple, eating a meat-pie for his dinner. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-NINE + +IN WHICH MRS HARRIS ASSISTED BY A TEAPOT, IS THE CAUSE OF A +DIVISION BETWEEN FRIENDS + + +Mrs Gamp's apartment in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, wore, +metaphorically speaking, a robe of state. It was swept and +garnished for the reception of a visitor. That visitor was Betsey +Prig; Mrs Prig, of Bartlemy's; or as some said Barklemy's, or as +some said Bardlemy's; for by all these endearing and familiar +appellations, had the hospital of Saint Bartholomew become a +household word among the sisterhood which Betsey Prig adorned. + +Mrs Gamp's apartment was not a spacious one, but, to a contented +mind, a closet is a palace; and the first-floor front at Mr +Sweedlepipe's may have been, in the imagination of Mrs Gamp, a +stately pile. If it were not exactly that, to restless intellects, +it at least comprised as much accommodation as any person, not +sanguine to insanity, could have looked for in a room of its +dimensions. For only keep the bedstead always in your mind; and you +were safe. That was the grand secret. Remembering the bedstead, +you might even stoop to look under the little round table for +anything you had dropped, without hurting yourself much against the +chest of drawers, or qualifying as a patient of Saint Bartholomew, +by falling into the fire. + +Visitors were much assisted in their cautious efforts to preserve an +unflagging recollection of this piece of furniture, by its size; +which was great. It was not a turn-up bedstead, nor yet a French +bedstead, nor yet a four-post bedstead, but what is poetically called +a tent; the sacking whereof was low and bulgy, insomuch that Mrs +Gamp's box would not go under it, but stopped half-way, in a manner +which, while it did violence to the reason, likewise endangered the +legs of a stranger. The frame too, which would have supported the +canopy and hangings if there had been any, was ornamented with +divers pippins carved in timber, which on the slightest provocation, +and frequently on none at all, came tumbling down; harassing the +peaceful guest with inexplicable terrors. + +The bed itself was decorated with a patchwork quilt of great +antiquity; and at the upper end, upon the side nearest to the door, +hung a scanty curtain of blue check, which prevented the Zephyrs +that were abroad in Kingsgate Street, from visiting Mrs Gamp's head +too roughly. Some rusty gowns and other articles of that lady's +wardrobe depended from the posts; and these had so adapted +themselves by long usage to her figure, that more than one impatient +husband coming in precipitately, at about the time of twilight, had +been for an instant stricken dumb by the supposed discovery that Mrs +Gamp had hanged herself. One gentleman, coming on the usual hasty +errand, had said indeed, that they looked like guardian angels +'watching of her in her sleep.' But that, as Mrs Gamp said, 'was +his first;' and he never repeated the sentiment, though he often +repeated his visit. + +The chairs in Mrs Gamp's apartment were extremely large and broad- +backed, which was more than a sufficient reason for there being but +two in number. They were both elbow-chairs, of ancient mahogany; +and were chiefly valuable for the slippery nature of their seats, +which had been originally horsehair, but were now covered with a +shiny substance of a bluish tint, from which the visitor began to +slide away with a dismayed countenance, immediately after sitting +down. What Mrs Gamp wanted in chairs she made up in bandboxes; of +which she had a great collection, devoted to the reception of +various miscellaneous valuables, which were not, however, as well +protected as the good woman, by a pleasant fiction, seemed to think; +for, though every bandbox had a carefully closed lid, not one among +them had a bottom; owing to which cause the property within was +merely, as it were, extinguished. The chest of drawers having been +originally made to stand upon the top of another chest, had a +dwarfish, elfin look, alone; but in regard of its security it had a +great advantage over the bandboxes, for as all the handles had been +long ago pulled off, it was very difficult to get at its contents. +This indeed was only to be done by one or two devices; either by +tilting the whole structure forward until all the drawers fell out +together, or by opening them singly with knives, like oysters. + +Mrs Gamp stored all her household matters in a little cupboard by +the fire-place; beginning below the surface (as in nature) with the +coals, and mounting gradually upwards to the spirits, which, from +motives of delicacy, she kept in a teapot. The chimney-piece was +ornamented with a small almanack, marked here and there in Mrs +Gamp's own hand with a memorandum of the date at which some lady was +expected to fall due. It was also embellished with three profiles: +one, in colours, of Mrs Gamp herself in early life; one, in bronze, +of a lady in feathers, supposed to be Mrs Harris, as she appeared +when dressed for a ball; and one, in black, of Mr Gamp, deceased. +The last was a full length, in order that the likeness might be +rendered more obvious and forcible by the introduction of the wooden +leg. + +A pair of bellows, a pair of pattens, a toasting-fork, a kettle, a +pap-boat, a spoon for the administration of medicine to the +refractory, and lastly, Mrs Gamp's umbrella, which as something of +great price and rarity, was displayed with particular ostentation, +completed the decorations of the chimney-piece and adjacent wall. +Towards these objects Mrs Gamp raised her eyes in satisfaction when +she had arranged the tea-board, and had concluded her arrangements +for the reception of Betsey Prig, even unto the setting forth of two +pounds of Newcastle salmon, intensely pickled. + +'There! Now drat you, Betsey, don't be long!' said Mrs Gamp, +apostrophizing her absent friend. 'For I can't abear to wait, I do +assure you. To wotever place I goes, I sticks to this one mortar, +"I'm easy pleased; it is but little as I wants; but I must have that +little of the best, and to the minute when the clock strikes, else +we do not part as I could wish, but bearin' malice in our arts."' + +Her own preparations were of the best, for they comprehended a +delicate new loaf, a plate of fresh butter, a basin of fine white +sugar, and other arrangements on the same scale. Even the snuff +with which she now refreshed herself, was so choice in quality that +she took a second pinch. + +'There's the little bell a-ringing now,' said Mrs Gamp, hurrying to +the stair-head and looking over. 'Betsey Prig, my--why it's that +there disapintin' Sweedlepipes, I do believe.' + +'Yes, it's me,' said the barber in a faint voice; 'I've just come +in.' + +'You're always a-comin' in, I think,' muttered Mrs Gamp to herself, +'except wen you're a-goin' out. I ha'n't no patience with that +man!' + +'Mrs Gamp,' said the barber. 'I say! Mrs Gamp!' + +'Well,' cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs. +'What is it? Is the Thames a-fire, and cooking its own fish, Mr +Sweedlepipes? Why wot's the man gone and been a-doin' of to +himself? He's as white as chalk!' + +She added the latter clause of inquiry, when she got downstairs, and +found him seated in the shaving-chair, pale and disconsolate. + +'You recollect,' said Poll. 'You recollect young--' + +'Not young Wilkins!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say young Wilkins, +wotever you do. If young Wilkins's wife is took--' + +'It isn't anybody's wife,' exclaimed the little barber. 'Bailey, +young Bailey!' + +'Why, wot do you mean to say that chit's been a-doin' of?' retorted +Mrs Gamp, sharply. 'Stuff and nonsense, Mrs Sweedlepipes!' + +'He hasn't been a-doing anything!' exclaimed poor Poll, quite +desperate. 'What do you catch me up so short for, when you see me +put out to that extent that I can hardly speak? He'll never do +anything again. He's done for. He's killed. The first time I ever +see that boy,' said Poll, 'I charged him too much for a red-poll. I +asked him three-halfpence for a penny one, because I was afraid he'd +beat me down. But he didn't. And now he's dead; and if you was to +crowd all the steam-engines and electric fluids that ever was, into +this shop, and set 'em every one to work their hardest, they +couldn't square the account, though it's only a ha'penny!' + +Mr Sweedlepipe turned aside to the towel, and wiped his eyes with +it. + +'And what a clever boy he was!' he said. 'What a surprising young +chap he was! How he talked! and what a deal he know'd! Shaved in +this very chair he was; only for fun; it was all his fun; he was +full of it. Ah! to think that he'll never be shaved in earnest! The +birds might every one have died, and welcome,' cried the little +barber, looking round him at the cages, and again applying to the +towel, 'sooner than I'd have heard this news!' + +'How did you ever come to hear it?' said Mrs Gamp. 'who told you?' + +'I went out,' returned the little barber, 'into the City, to meet a +sporting gent upon the Stock Exchange, that wanted a few slow +pigeons to practice at; and when I'd done with him, I went to get a +little drop of beer, and there I heard everybody a-talking about it. +It's in the papers.' + +'You are in a nice state of confugion, Mr Sweedlepipes, you are!' +said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head; 'and my opinion is, as half- +a-dudgeon fresh young lively leeches on your temples, wouldn't be too +much to clear your mind, which so I tell you. Wot were they a- +talkin' on, and wot was in the papers?' + +'All about it!' cried the barber. 'What else do you suppose? Him +and his master were upset on a journey, and he was carried to +Salisbury, and was breathing his last when the account came away. +He never spoke afterwards. Not a single word. That's the worst of +it to me; but that ain't all. His master can't be found. The other +manager of their office in the city, Crimple, David Crimple, has +gone off with the money, and is advertised for, with a reward, upon +the walls. Mr Montague, poor young Bailey's master (what a boy he +was!) is advertised for, too. Some say he's slipped off, to join +his friend abroad; some say he mayn't have got away yet; and they're +looking for him high and low. Their office is a smash; a swindle +altogether. But what's a Life Assurance office to a Life! And what +a Life Young Bailey's was!' + +'He was born into a wale,' said Mrs Gamp, with philosophical +coolness. 'and he lived in a wale; and he must take the +consequences of sech a sitiwation. But don't you hear nothink of Mr +Chuzzlewit in all this?' + +'No,' said Poll, 'nothing to speak of. His name wasn't printed as +one of the board, though some people say it was just going to be. +Some believe he was took in, and some believe he was one of the +takers-in; but however that may be, they can't prove nothing against +him. This morning he went up of his own accord afore the Lord Mayor +or some of them City big-wigs, and complained that he'd been +swindled, and that these two persons had gone off and cheated him, +and that he had just found out that Montague's name wasn't even +Montague, but something else. And they do say that he looked like +Death, owing to his losses. But, Lord forgive me,' cried the +barber, coming back again to the subject of his individual grief, +'what's his looks to me! He might have died and welcome, fifty +times, and not been such a loss as Bailey!' + +At this juncture the little bell rang, and the deep voice of Mrs +Prig struck into the conversation. + +'Oh! You're a-talkin' about it, are you!' observed that lady. +'Well, I hope you've got it over, for I ain't interested in it +myself.' + +'My precious Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'how late you are!' + +The worthy Mrs Prig replied, with some asperity, 'that if perwerse +people went off dead, when they was least expected, it warn't no +fault of her'n.' And further, 'that it was quite aggrawation enough +to be made late when one was dropping for one's tea, without hearing +on it again.' + +Mrs Gamp, deriving from this exhibition of repartee some clue to the +state of Mrs Prig's feelings, instantly conducted her upstairs; +deeming that the sight of pickled salmon might work a softening +change. + +But Betsey Prig expected pickled salmon. It was obvious that she +did; for her first words, after glancing at the table, were: + +'I know'd she wouldn't have a cowcumber!' + +Mrs Gamp changed colour, and sat down upon the bedstead. + +'Lord bless you, Betsey Prig, your words is true. I quite forgot +it!' + +Mrs Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her +pocket, and with an air of surly triumph drew forth either the +oldest of lettuces or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green +vegetable of an expansive nature, and of such magnificent +proportions that she was obliged to shut it up like an umbrella +before she could pull it out. She also produced a handful of +mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb called dandelion, three +bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than an average turnip, +three substantial slices of beetroot, and a short prong or antler of +celery; the whole of this garden-stuff having been publicly +exhibited, but a short time before, as a twopenny salad, and +purchased by Mrs Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all +into her pocket. Which had been happily accomplished, in High +Holborn, to the breathless interest of a hackney-coach stand. And +she laid so little stress on this surprising forethought, that she +did not even smile, but returning her pocket into its accustomed +sphere, merely recommended that these productions of nature should +be sliced up, for immediate consumption, in plenty of vinegar. + +'And don't go a-droppin' none of your snuff in it,' said Mrs Prig. +'In gruel, barley-water, apple-tea, mutton-broth, and that, it don't +signify. It stimulates a patient. But I don't relish it myself.' + +'Why, Betsey Prig!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'how CAN you talk so!' + +'Why, ain't your patients, wotever their diseases is, always +asneezin' their wery heads off, along of your snuff?' said Mrs Prig. + +'And wot if they are!' said Mrs Gamp + +'Nothing if they are,' said Mrs Prig. 'But don't deny it, Sairah.' + +'Who deniges of it?' Mrs Gamp inquired. + +Mrs Prig returned no answer. + +'WHO deniges of it, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs +Gamp, by reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful +character of solemnity to the same. 'Betsey, who deniges of it?' + +It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of +opinion between these ladies; but Mrs Prig's impatience for the meal +being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, +she replied, for the present, 'Nobody, if you don't, Sairah,' and +prepared herself for tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at any +time, but a limited quantity of salmon cannot. + +Her toilet was simple. She had merely to 'chuck' her bonnet and +shawl upon the bed; give her hair two pulls, one upon the right side +and one upon the left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and +all was done. The tea was already made, Mrs Gamp was not long over +the salad, and they were soon at the height of their repast. + +The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the +enjoyments of the table. When the meal came to a termination (which +it was pretty long in doing), and Mrs Gamp having cleared away, +produced the teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple +of wine-glasses, they were quite amiable. + +'Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the +teapot, 'I will now propoge a toast. My frequent pardner, Betsey +Prig!' + +'Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,' said Mrs Prig, +'with love and tenderness.' + +From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose +of each lady; and perhaps, notwithstanding all appearances to the +contrary, in the temper also. + +'Now, Sairah,' said Mrs Prig, 'joining business with pleasure, wot +is this case in which you wants me?' + +Mrs Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an +evasive answer, Betsey added: + +'IS it Mrs Harris?' + +'No, Betsey Prig, it ain't,' was Mrs Gamp's reply. + +'Well!' said Mrs Prig, with a short laugh. 'I'm glad of that, at +any rate.' + +'Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp retorted, warmly. +'She is unbeknown to you except by hearsay, why should you be glad? +If you have anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs +Harris, which well I knows behind her back, afore her face, or +anywheres, is not to be impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have +know'd that sweetest and best of women,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her +head, and shedding tears, 'ever since afore her First, which Mr +Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped his ears in a empty +dog-kennel, and never took his hands away or come out once till he +was showed the baby, wen bein' took with fits, the doctor collared +him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and she was told +to ease her mind, his owls was organs. And I have know'd her, +Betsey Prig, when he has hurt her feelin' art by sayin' of his Ninth +that it was one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was +cooin' in his face, which thrive it did though bandy, but I have +never know'd as you had occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of +Mrs Harris not requiring you. Require she never will, depend upon +it, for her constant words in sickness is, and will be, "Send for +Sairey?"' + +During this touching address, Mrs Prig adroitly feigning to be the +victim of that absence of mind which has its origin in excessive +attention to one topic, helped herself from the teapot without +appearing to observe it. Mrs Gamp observed it, however, and came to +a premature close in consequence. + +'Well, it ain't her, it seems,' said Mrs Prig, coldly; 'who is it +then?' + +'You have heerd me mention, Betsey,' Mrs Gamp replied, after +glancing in an expressive and marked manner at the tea-pot, 'a +person as I took care on at the time as you and me was pardners off +and on, in that there fever at the Bull?' + +'Old Snuffey,' Mrs Prig observed. + +Sarah Gamp looked at her with an eye of fire, for she saw in this +mistake of Mrs Prig, another willful and malignant stab at that same +weakness or custom of hers, an ungenerous allusion to which, on the +part of Betsey, had first disturbed their harmony that evening. And +she saw it still more clearly, when, politely but firmly correcting +that lady by the distinct enunciation of the word 'Chuffey,' Mrs +Prig received the correction with a diabolical laugh. + +The best among us have their failings, and it must be conceded of +Mrs Prig, that if there were a blemish in the goodness of her +disposition, it was a habit she had of not bestowing all its sharp +and acid properties upon her patients (as a thoroughly amiable woman +would have done), but of keeping a considerable remainder for the +service of her friends. Highly pickled salmon, and lettuces chopped +up in vinegar, may, as viands possessing some acidity of their own, +have encouraged and increased this failing in Mrs Prig; and every +application to the teapot certainly did; for it was often remarked +of her by her friends, that she was most contradictory when most +elevated. It is certain that her countenance became about this time +derisive and defiant, and that she sat with her arms folded, and one +eye shut up, in a somewhat offensive, because obstrusively +intelligent, manner. + +Mrs Gamp observing this, felt it the more necessary that Mrs Prig +should know her place, and be made sensible of her exact station in +society, as well as of her obligations to herself. She therefore +assumed an air of greater patronage and importance, as she went on +to answer Mrs Prig a little more in detail. + +'Mr Chuffey, Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is weak in his mind. Excuge +me if I makes remark, that he may neither be so weak as people +thinks, nor people may not think he is so weak as they pretends, and +what I knows, I knows; and what you don't, you don't; so do not ask +me, Betsey. But Mr Chuffey's friends has made propojals for his +bein' took care on, and has said to me, "Mrs Gamp, WILL you +undertake it? We couldn't think," they says, "of trusting him to +nobody but you, for, Sairey, you are gold as has passed the furnage. +Will you undertake it, at your own price, day and night, and by your +own self?" "No," I says, "I will not. Do not reckon on it. There +is," I says, but one creetur in the world as I would undertake on +sech terms, and her name is Harris. But," I says, "I am acquainted +with a friend, whose name is Betsey Prig, that I can recommend, and +will assist me. Betsey," I says, "is always to be trusted under +me, and will be guided as I could desire."' + +Here Mrs Prig, without any abatement of her offensive manner again +counterfeited abstraction of mind, and stretched out her hand to the +teapot. It was more than Mrs Gamp could bear. She stopped the hand +of Mrs Prig with her own, and said, with great feeling: + +'No, Betsey! Drink fair, wotever you do!' + +Mrs Prig, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and closing +the same eye more emphatically, and folding her arms tighter, +suffered her head to roll slowly from side to side, while she +surveyed her friend with a contemptuous smile. + +Mrs Gamp resumed: + +'Mrs Harris, Betsey--' + +'Bother Mrs Harris!' said Betsey Prig. + +Mrs Gamp looked at her with amazement, incredulity, and indignation; +when Mrs Prig, shutting her eye still closer, and folding her arms +still tighter, uttered these memorable and tremendous words: + +'I don't believe there's no sich a person!' + +After the utterance of which expressions, she leaned forward, and +snapped her fingers once, twice, thrice; each time nearer to the +face of Mrs Gamp, and then rose to put on her bonnet, as one who +felt that there was now a gulf between them, which nothing could +ever bridge across. + +The shock of this blow was so violent and sudden, that Mrs Gamp sat +staring at nothing with uplifted eyes, and her mouth open as if she +were gasping for breath, until Betsey Prig had put on her bonnet and +her shawl, and was gathering the latter about her throat. Then Mrs +Gamp rose--morally and physically rose--and denounced her. + +'What!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you bage creetur, have I know'd Mrs Harris +five and thirty year, to be told at last that there ain't no sech a +person livin'! Have I stood her friend in all her troubles, great +and small, for it to come at last to sech a end as this, which her +own sweet picter hanging up afore you all the time, to shame your +Bragian words! But well you mayn't believe there's no sech a +creetur, for she wouldn't demean herself to look at you, and often +has she said, when I have made mention of your name, which, to my +sinful sorrow, I have done, "What, Sairey Gamp! debage yourself to +HER!" Go along with you!' + +'I'm a-goin', ma'am, ain't I?' said Mrs Prig, stopping as she said +it. + +'You had better, ma'am,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Do you know who you're talking to, ma'am?' inquired her visitor. + +'Aperiently,' said Mrs Gamp, surveying her with scorn from head to +foot, 'to Betsey Prig. Aperiently so. I know her. No one better. +Go along with you!' + +'And YOU was a-goin' to take me under you!' cried Mrs Prig, +surveying Mrs Gamp from head to foot in her turn. 'YOU was, was +you? Oh, how kind! Why, deuce take your imperence,' said Mrs Prig, +with a rapid change from banter to ferocity, 'what do you mean?' + +'Go along with you!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I blush for you.' + +'You had better blush a little for yourself, while you ARE about +it!' said Mrs Prig. 'You and your Chuffeys! What, the poor old +creetur isn't mad enough, isn't he? Aha!' + +'He'd very soon be mad enough, if you had anything to do with him,' +said Mrs Gamp. + +'And that's what I was wanted for, is it?' cried Mrs Prig, +triumphantly. 'Yes. But you'll find yourself deceived. I won't go +near him. We shall see how you get on without me. I won't have +nothink to do with him.' + +'You never spoke a truer word than that!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Go along +with you!' + +She was prevented from witnessing the actual retirement of Mrs Prig +from the room, notwithstanding the great desire she had expressed to +behold it, by that lady, in her angry withdrawal, coming into +contact with the bedstead, and bringing down the previously +mentioned pippins; three or four of which came rattling on the head +of Mrs Gamp so smartly, that when she recovered from this wooden +shower-bath, Mrs Prig was gone. + +She had the satisfaction, however, of hearing the deep voice of +Betsey, proclaiming her injuries and her determination to have +nothing to do with Mr Chuffey, down the stairs, and along the +passage, and even out in Kingsgate Street. Likewise of seeing in +her own apartment, in the place of Mrs Prig, Mr Sweedlepipe and two +gentlemen. + +'Why, bless my life!' exclaimed the little barber, 'what's amiss? +The noise you ladies have been making, Mrs Gamp! Why, these two +gentlemen have been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly +all the time, trying to make you hear, while you were pelting away, +hammer and tongs! It'll be the death of the little bullfinch in the +shop, that draws his own water. In his fright, he's been a- +straining himself all to bits, drawing more water than he could +drink in a twelvemonth. He must have thought it was Fire!' + +Mrs Gamp had in the meanwhile sunk into her chair, from whence, +turning up her overflowing eyes, and clasping her hands, she +delivered the following lamentation: + +'Oh, Mr Sweedlepipes, which Mr Westlock also, if my eyes do not +deceive, and a friend not havin' the pleasure of bein' beknown, wot +I have took from Betsey Prig this blessed night, no mortial creetur +knows! If she had abuged me, bein' in liquor, which I thought I +smelt her wen she come, but could not so believe, not bein' used +myself'--Mrs Gamp, by the way, was pretty far gone, and the +fragrance of the teapot was strong in the room--'I could have bore +it with a thankful art. But the words she spoke of Mrs Harris, +lambs could not forgive. No, Betsey!' said Mrs Gamp, in a violent +burst of feeling, 'nor worms forget!' + +The little barber scratched his head, and shook it, and looked at +the teapot, and gradually got out of the room. John Westlock, +taking a chair, sat down on one side of Mrs Gamp. Martin, taking +the foot of the bed, supported her on the other. + +'You wonder what we want, I daresay,' observed John. 'I'll tell +you presently, when you have recovered. It's not pressing, for a +few minutes or so. How do you find yourself? Better?' + +Mrs Gamp shed more tears, shook her head and feebly pronounced Mrs +Harris's name. + +'Have a little--' John was at a loss what to call it. + +'Tea,' suggested Martin. + +'It ain't tea,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Physic of some sort, I suppose,' cried John. 'Have a little.' + +Mrs Gamp was prevailed upon to take a glassful. 'On condition,' she +passionately observed, 'as Betsey never has another stroke of work +from me.' + +'Certainly not,' said John. 'She shall never help to nurse ME.' + +'To think,' said Mrs Gamp, 'as she should ever have helped to nuss +that friend of yourn, and been so near of hearing things that--Ah!' + +John looked at Martin. + +'Yes,' he said. 'That was a narrow escape, Mrs Gamp.' + +'Narrer, in-deed!' she returned. 'It was only my having the night, +and hearin' of him in his wanderins; and her the day, that saved it. +Wot would she have said and done, if she had know'd what I know; +that perfeejus wretch! Yet, oh good gracious me!' cried Mrs Gamp, +trampling on the floor, in the absence of Mrs Prig, 'that I should +hear from that same woman's lips what I have heerd her speak of Mrs +Harris!' + +'Never mind,' said John. 'You know it is not true.' + +'Isn't true!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'True! Don't I know as that dear +woman is expecting of me at this minnit, Mr Westlock, and is a- +lookin' out of window down the street, with little Tommy Harris in +her arms, as calls me his own Gammy, and truly calls, for bless the +mottled little legs of that there precious child (like Canterbury +Brawn his own dear father says, which so they are) his own I have +been, ever since I found him, Mr Westlock, with his small red +worsted shoe a-gurglin' in his throat, where he had put it in his +play, a chick, wile they was leavin' of him on the floor a-lookin' +for it through the ouse and him a-choakin' sweetly in the parlour! +Oh, Betsey Prig, what wickedness you've showed this night, but never +shall you darken Sairey's doors agen, you twining serpiant!' + +'You were always so kind to her, too!' said John, consolingly. + +'That's the cutting part. That's where it hurts me, Mr Westlock,' +Mrs Gamp replied; holding out her glass unconsciously, while Martin +filled it. + +'Chosen to help you with Mr Lewsome!' said John. 'Chosen to help +you with Mr Chuffey!' + +'Chose once, but chose no more,' cried Mrs Gamp. 'No pardnership +with Betsey Prig agen, sir!' + +'No, no,' said John. 'That would never do.' + +'I don't know as it ever would have done, sir,' Mrs Gamp replied, +with a solemnity peculiar to a certain stage of intoxication. 'Now +that the marks,' by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, +'is off that creetur's face, I do not think it ever would have done. +There are reagions in families for keeping things a secret, Mr +Westlock, and havin' only them about you as you knows you can repoge +in. Who could repoge in Betsey Prig, arter her words of Mrs Harris, +setting in that chair afore my eyes!' + +'Quite true,' said John; 'quite. I hope you have time to find +another assistant, Mrs Gamp?' + +Between her indignation and the teapot, her powers of comprehending +what was said to her began to fail. She looked at John with tearful +eyes, and murmuring the well-remembered name which Mrs Prig had +challenged--as if it were a talisman against all earthly sorrows-- +seemed to wander in her mind. + +'I hope,' repeated John, 'that you have time to find another +assistant?' + +'Which short it is, indeed,' cried Mrs Gamp, turning up her languid +eyes, and clasping Mr Westlock's wrist with matronly affection. +'To-morrow evenin', sir, I waits upon his friends. Mr Chuzzlewit +apinted it from nine to ten.' + +'From nine to ten,' said John, with a significant glance at Martin. +'and then Mr Chuffey retires into safe keeping, does he?' + +'He needs to be kep safe, I do assure you,' Mrs Gamp replied with a +mysterious air. 'Other people besides me has had a happy +deliverance from Betsey Prig. I little know'd that woman. She'd +have let it out!' + +'Let HIM out, you mean,' said John. + +'Do I!' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'Oh!' + +The severely ironical character of this reply was strengthened by a +very slow nod, and a still slower drawing down of the corners of Mrs +Gamp's mouth. She added with extreme stateliness of manner after +indulging in a short doze: + +'But I am a-keepin' of you gentlemen, and time is precious.' + +Mingling with that delusion of the teapot which inspired her with +the belief that they wanted her to go somewhere immediately, a shrewd +avoidance of any further reference to the topics into which she had +lately strayed, Mrs Gamp rose; and putting away the teapot in its +accustomed place, and locking the cupboard with much gravity +proceeded to attire herself for a professional visit. + +This preparation was easily made, as it required nothing more than +the snuffy black bonnet, the snuffy black shawl, the pattens and the +indispensable umbrella, without which neither a lying-in nor a +laying-out could by any possibility be attempted. When Mrs Gamp had +invested herself with these appendages she returned to her chair, +and sitting down again, declared herself quite ready. + +'It's a 'appiness to know as one can benefit the poor sweet creetur,' +she observed, 'I'm sure. It isn't all as can. The torters Betsey +Prig inflicts is frightful!' + +Closing her eyes as she made this remark, in the acuteness of her +commiseration for Betsey's patients, she forgot to open them again +until she dropped a patten. Her nap was also broken at intervals +like the fabled slumbers of Friar Bacon, by the dropping of the +other patten, and of the umbrella. But when she had got rid of +those incumbrances, her sleep was peaceful. + +The two young men looked at each other, ludicrously enough; and +Martin, stifling his disposition to laugh, whispered in John +Westlock's ear, + +'What shall we do now?' + +'Stay here,' he replied. + +Mrs Gamp was heard to murmur 'Mrs Harris' in her sleep. + +'Rely upon it,' whispered John, looking cautiously towards her, +'that you shall question this old clerk, though you go as Mrs Harris +herself. We know quite enough to carry her our own way now, at all +events; thanks to this quarrel, which confirms the old saying that +when rogues fall out, honest people get what they want. Let Jonas +Chuzzlewit look to himself; and let her sleep as long as she likes. +We shall gain our end in good time.' + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY + +SURPRISES TOM PINCH VERY MUCH, AND SHOWS HOW CERTAIN CONFIDENCES +PASSED BETWEEN HIM AND HIS SISTER + + +It was the next evening; and Tom and his sister were sitting +together before tea, talking, in their usual quiet way, about a +great many things, but not at all about Lewsome's story or anything +connected with it; for John Westlock--really John, for so young a +man, was one of the most considerate fellows in the world--had +particularly advised Tom not to mention it to his sister just yet, +in case it should disquiet her. 'And I wouldn't, Tom,' he said, +with a little hesitation, 'I wouldn't have a shadow on her happy +face, or an uneasy thought in her gentle heart, for all the wealth +and honours of the universe!' Really John was uncommonly kind; +extraordinarily kind. If he had been her father, Tom said, he could +not have taken a greater interest in her. + +But although Tom and his sister were extremely conversational, they +were less lively, and less cheerful, than usual. Tom had no idea +that this originated with Ruth, but took it for granted that he was +rather dull himself. In truth he was; for the lightest cloud upon +the Heaven of her quiet mind, cast its shadow upon Tom. + +And there was a cloud on little Ruth that evening. Yes, indeed. +When Tom was looking in another direction, her bright eyes, stealing +on towards his face, would sparkle still more brightly than their +custom was, and then grow dim. When Tom was silent, looking out +upon the summer weather, she would sometimes make a hasty movement, +as if she were about to throw herself upon his neck; then check the +impulse, and when he looked round, show a laughing face, and speak +to him very merrily; when she had anything to give Tom, or had any +excuse for coming near him, she would flutter about him, and lay her +bashful hand upon his shoulder, and not be willing to withdraw it; +and would show by all such means that there was something on her +heart which in her great love she longed to say to him, but had not +the courage to utter. + +So they were sitting, she with her work before her, but not working, +and Tom with his book beside him, but not reading, when Martin +knocked at the door. Anticipating who it was, Tom went to open it; +and he and Martin came back into the room together. Tom looked +surprised, for in answer to his cordial greeting Martin had hardly +spoken a word. + +Ruth also saw that there was something strange in the manner of +their visitor, and raised her eyes inquiringly to Tom's face, as if +she were seeking an explanation there. Tom shook his head, and made +the same mute appeal to Martin. + +Martin did not sit down but walked up to the window, and stood there +looking out. He turned round after a few moments to speak, but +hastily averted his head again, without doing so. + +'What has happened, Martin?' Tom anxiously inquired. 'My dear +fellow, what bad news do you bring?' + +'Oh, Tom!' replied Martin, in a tone of deep reproach. 'To hear you +feign that interest in anything that happens to me, hurts me even +more than your ungenerous dealing.' + +'My ungenerous dealing! Martin! My--' Tom could say no more. + +'How could you, Tom, how could you suffer me to thank you so +fervently and sincerely for your friendship; and not tell me, like a +man, that you had deserted me! Was it true, Tom! Was it honest! Was +it worthy of what you used to be--of what I am sure you used to be-- +to tempt me, when you had turned against me, into pouring out my +heart! Oh, Tom!' + +His tone was one of such strong injury and yet of so much grief for +the loss of a friend he had trusted in--it expressed such high past +love for Tom, and so much sorrow and compassion for his supposed +unworthiness--that Tom, for a moment, put his hand before his face, +and had no more power of justifying himself, than if he had been a +monster of deceit and falsehood. + +'I protest, as I must die,' said Martin, 'that I grieve over the +loss of what I thought you; and have no anger in the recollection of +my own injuries. It is only at such a time, and after such a +discovery, that we know the full measure of our old regard for the +subject of it. I swear, little as I showed it--little as I know I +showed it--that when I had the least consideration for you, Tom, I +loved you like a brother.' + +Tom was composed by this time, and might have been the Spirit of +Truth, in a homely dress--it very often wears a homely dress, thank +God!--when he replied to him. + +'Martin,' he said, 'I don't know what is in your mind, or who has +abused it, or by what extraordinary means. But the means are false. +There is no truth whatever in the impression under which you labour. +It is a delusion from first to last; and I warn you that you will +deeply regret the wrong you do me. I can honestly say that I have +been true to you, and to myself. You will be very sorry for this. +Indeed, you will be very sorry for it, Martin.' + +'I AM sorry,' returned Martin, shaking his head. 'I think I never +knew what it was to be sorry in my heart, until now.' + +'At least,' said Tom, 'if I had always been what you charge me with +being now, and had never had a place in your regard, but had always +been despised by you, and had always deserved it, you should tell me +in what you have found me to be treacherous; and on what grounds you +proceed. I do not intreat you, therefore, to give me that +satisfaction as a favour, Martin, but I ask it of you as a right.' + +'My own eyes are my witnesses,' returned Martin. 'Am I to believe +them?' + +'No,' said Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me.' + +'Your own words. Your own manner,' pursued Martin. 'Am I to +believe THEM?' + +'No,' replied Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me. But they never +have accused me. Whoever has perverted them to such a purpose, has +wronged me almost as cruelly'--his calmness rather failed him here-- +'as you have done.' + +'I came here,' said Martin; 'and I appeal to your good sister to +hear me--' + +'Not to her,' interrupted Tom. 'Pray, do not appeal to her. She +will never believe you.' + +He drew her arm through his own, as he said it. + +'I believe it, Tom!' + +'No, no,' cried Tom, 'of course not. I said so. Why, tut, tut, +tut. What a silly little thing you are!' + +'I never meant,' said Martin, hastily, 'to appeal to you against +your brother. Do not think me so unmanly and unkind. I merely +appealed to you to hear my declaration, that I came here for no +purpose of reproach--I have not one reproach to vent--but in deep +regret. You could not know in what bitterness of regret, unless you +knew how often I have thought of Tom; how long in almost hopeless +circumstances, I have looked forward to the better estimation of his +friendship; and how steadfastly I have believed and trusted in him.' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tom, stopping her as she was about to speak. 'He +is mistaken. He is deceived. Why should you mind? He is sure to +be set right at last.' + +'Heaven bless the day that sets me right!' cried Martin, 'if it +could ever come!' + +'Amen!' said Tom. 'And it will!' + +Martin paused, and then said in a still milder voice: + +'You have chosen for yourself, Tom, and will be relieved by our +parting. It is not an angry one. There is no anger on my side--' + +'There is none on mine,' said Tom. + +'--It is merely what you have brought about, and worked to bring +about. I say again, you have chosen for yourself. You have made +the choice that might have been expected in most people situated as +you are, but which I did not expect in you. For that, perhaps, I +should blame my own judgment more than you. There is wealth and +favour worth having, on one side; and there is the worthless +friendship of an abandoned, struggling fellow, on the other. You +were free to make your election, and you made it; and the choice was +not difficult. But those who have not the courage to resist such +temptations, should have the courage to avow what they have yielded +to them; and I DO blame you for this, Tom: that you received me with +a show of warmth, encouraged me to be frank and plain-spoken, +tempted me to confide in you, and professed that you were able to be +mine; when you had sold yourself to others. I do not believe,' said +Martin, with emotion--'hear me say it from my heart--I CANNOT +believe, Tom, now that I am standing face to face with you, that it +would have been in your nature to do me any serious harm, even +though I had not discovered, by chance, in whose employment you +were. But I should have encumbered you; I should have led you into +more double-dealing; I should have hazarded your retaining the +favour for which you have paid so high a price, bartering away your +former self; and it is best for both of us that I have found out +what you so much desired to keep secret.' + +'Be just,' said Tom; who, had not removed his mild gaze from +Martin's face since the commencement of this last address; 'be just +even in your injustice, Martin. You forget. You have not yet told +me what your accusation is!' + +'Why should I?' returned Martin, waving his hand, and moving towards +the door. 'You could not know it the better for my dwelling on it, +and though it would be really none the worse, it might seem to me to +be. No, Tom. Bygones shall be bygones between us. I can take +leave of you at this moment, and in this place--in which you are so +amiable and so good--as heartily, if not as cheerfully, as ever I +have done since we first met. All good go with you, Tom!--I--' + +'You leave me so? You can leave me so, can you?' said Tom. + +'I--you--you have chosen for yourself, Tom! I--I hope it was a rash +choice,' Martin faltered. 'I think it was. I am sure it was! Good- +bye!' + +And he was gone. + +Tom led his little sister to her chair, and sat down in his own. He +took his book, and read, or seemed to read. Presently he said +aloud, turning a leaf as he spoke: 'He will be very sorry for this.' +And a tear stole down his face, and dropped upon the page. + +Ruth nestled down beside him on her knees, and clasped her arms +about his neck. + +'No, Tom! No, no! Be comforted! Dear Tom!' + +'I am quite--comforted,' said Tom. 'It will be set right.' + +'Such a cruel, bad return!' cried Ruth. + +'No, no,' said Tom. 'He believes it. I cannot imagine why. But it +will be set right.' + +More closely yet, she nestled down about him; and wept as if her +heart would break. + +'Don't. Don't,' said Tom. 'Why do you hide your face, my dear!' + +Then in a burst of tears, it all broke out at last. + +'Oh Tom, dear Tom, I know your secret heart. I have found it out; +you couldn't hide the truth from me. Why didn't you tell me? I am +sure I could have made you happier, if you had! You love her, Tom, +so dearly!' + +Tom made a motion with his hand as if he would have put his sister +hurriedly away; but it clasped upon hers, and all his little history +was written in the action. All its pathetic eloquence was in the +silent touch. + +'In spite of that,' said Ruth, 'you have been so faithful and so +good, dear; in spite of that, you have been so true and self- +denying, and have struggled with yourself; in spite of that, you +have been so gentle, and so kind, and even-tempered, that I have +never seen you give a hasty look, or heard you say one irritable +word. In spite of all, you have been so cruelly mistaken. Oh Tom, +dear Tom, will THIS be set right too! Will it, Tom? Will you always +have this sorrow in your breast; you who deserve to be so happy; or +is there any hope?' + +And still she hid her face from Tom, and clasped him round the neck, +and wept for him, and poured out all her woman's heart and soul in +the relief and pain of this disclosure. + +It was not very long before she and Tom were sitting side by side, +and she was looking with an earnest quietness in Tom's face. Then +Tom spoke to her thus, cheerily, though gravely: + +'I am very glad, my dear, that this has passed between us. Not +because it assures me of your tender affection (for I was well +assured of that before), but because it relieves my mind of a great +weight.' + +Tom's eyes glistened when he spoke of her affection; and he kissed +her on the cheek. + +'My dear girl,' said Tom; 'with whatever feeling I regard her'--they +seemed to avoid the name by mutual consent--'I have long ago--I am +sure I may say from the very first--looked upon it as a dream. As +something that might possibly have happened under very different +circumstances, but which can never be. Now, tell me. What would +you have set right?' + +She gave Tom such a significant little look, that he was obliged to +take it for an answer whether he would or no; and to go on. + +'By her own choice and free consent, my love, she is betrothed to +Martin; and was, long before either of them knew of my existence. +You would have her betrothed to me?' + +'Yes,' she said directly. + +'Yes,' rejoined Tom, 'but that might be setting it wrong, instead of +right. Do you think,' said Tom, with a grave smile, 'that even if +she had never seen him, it is very likely she would have fallen in +love with Me?' + +'Why not, dear Tom?' + +Tom shook his head, and smiled again. + +'You think of me, Ruth,' said Tom, 'and it is very natural that you +should, as if I were a character in a book; and you make it a sort +of poetical justice that I should, by some impossible means or +other, come, at last, to marry the person I love. But there is a +much higher justice than poetical justice, my dear, and it does not +order events upon the same principle. Accordingly, people who read +about heroes in books, and choose to make heroes of themselves out +of books, consider it a very fine thing to be discontented and +gloomy, and misanthropical, and perhaps a little blasphemous, +because they cannot have everything ordered for their individual +accommodation. Would you like me to become one of that sort of +people?' + +'No, Tom. But still I know,' she added timidly, 'that this is a +sorrow to you in your own better way.' + +Tom thought of disputing the position. But it would have been mere +folly, and he gave it up. + +'My dear,' said Tom, 'I will repay your affection with the Truth and +all the Truth. It is a sorrow to me. I have proved it to be so +sometimes, though I have always striven against it. But somebody +who is precious to you may die, and you may dream that you are in +heaven with the departed spirit, and you may find it a sorrow to +wake to the life on earth, which is no harder to be borne than when +you fell asleep. It is sorrowful to me to contemplate my dream +which I always knew was a dream, even when it first presented +itself; but the realities about me are not to blame. They are the +same as they were. My sister, my sweet companion, who makes this +place so dear, is she less devoted to me, Ruth, than she would have +been, if this vision had never troubled me? My old friend John, who +might so easily have treated me with coldness and neglect, is he +less cordial to me? The world about me, is there less good in that? +Are my words to be harsh and my looks to be sour, and is my heart to +grow cold, because there has fallen in my way a good and beautiful +creature, who but for the selfish regret that I cannot call her my +own, would, like all other good and beautiful creatures, make me +happier and better! No, my dear sister. No,' said Tom stoutly. +'Remembering all my means of happiness, I hardly dare to call this +lurking something a sorrow; but whatever name it may justly bear, I +thank Heaven that it renders me more sensible of affection and +attachment, and softens me in fifty ways. Not less happy. Not less +happy, Ruth!' + +She could not speak to him, but she loved him, as he well deserved. +Even as he deserved, she loved him. + +'She will open Martin's eyes,' said Tom, with a glow of pride, 'and +that (which is indeed wrong) will be set right. Nothing will +persuade her, I know, that I have betrayed him. It will be set +right through her, and he will be very sorry for it. Our secret, +Ruth, is our own, and lives and dies with us. I don't believe I +ever could have told it you,' said Tom, with a smile, 'but how glad +I am to think you have found it out!' + +They had never taken such a pleasant walk as they took that night. +Tom told her all so freely and so simply, and was so desirous to +return her tenderness with his fullest confidence, that they +prolonged it far beyond their usual hour, and sat up late when they +came home. And when they parted for the night there was such a +tranquil, beautiful expression in Tom's face, that she could not +bear to shut it out, but going back on tiptoe to his chamber-door, +looked in and stood there till he saw her, and then embracing him +again, withdrew. And in her prayers and in her sleep--good times to +be remembered with such fervour, Tom!--his name was uppermost. + +When he was left alone, Tom pondered very much on this discovery of +hers, and greatly wondered what had led her to it. 'Because,' +thought Tom, 'I have been so very careful. It was foolish and +unnecessary in me, as I clearly see now, when I am so relieved by +her knowing it; but I have been so very careful to conceal it from +her. Of course I knew that she was intelligent and quick, and for +that reason was more upon my guard; but I was not in the least +prepared for this. I am sure her discovery has been sudden too. +Dear me!' said Tom. 'It's a most singular instance of penetration!' + +Tom could not get it out of his head. There it was, when his head +was on his pillow. + +'How she trembled when she began to tell me she knew it!' thought +Tom, recalling all the little incidents and circumstances; 'and how +her face flushed! But that was natural! Oh, quite natural! That +needs no accounting for.' + +Tom little thought how natural it was. Tom little knew that there +was that in Ruth's own heart, but newly set there, which had helped +her to the reading of his mystery. Ah, Tom! He didn't understand +the whispers of the Temple Fountain, though he passed it every day. + +Who so lively and cheerful as busy Ruth next morning! Her early tap +at Tom's door, and her light foot outside, would have been music to +him though she had not spoken. But she said it was the brightest +morning ever seen; and so it was; and if it had been otherwise, she +would have made it so to Tom. + +She was ready with his neat breakfast when he went downstairs, and +had her bonnet ready for the early walk, and was so full of news, +that Tom was lost in wonder. She might have been up all night, +collecting it for his entertainment. There was Mr Nadgett not come +home yet, and there was bread down a penny a loaf, and there was +twice as much strength in this tea as in the last, and the milk- +woman's husband had come out of the hospital cured, and the curly- +headed child over the way had been lost all yesterday, and she was +going to make all sorts of preserves in a desperate hurry, and there +happened to be a saucepan in the house which was the very saucepan +for the purpose; and she knew all about the last book Tom had +brought home, all through, though it was a teaser to read; and she +had so much to tell him that she had finished breakfast first. Then +she had her little bonnet on, and the tea and sugar locked up, and +the keys in her reticule, and the flower, as usual, in Tom's coat, +and was in all respects quite ready to accompany him, before Tom +knew she had begun to prepare. And in short, as Tom said, with a +confidence in his own assertion which amounted to a defiance of the +public in general, there never was such a little woman. + +She made Tom talkative. It was impossible to resist her. She put +such enticing questions to him; about books, and about dates of +churches, and about organs and about the Temple, and about all kinds +of things. Indeed, she lightened the way (and Tom's heart with it) +to that degree, that the Temple looked quite blank and solitary when +he parted from her at the gate. + +'No Mr Fips's friend to-day, I suppose,' thought Tom, as he ascended +the stairs. + +Not yet, at any rate, for the door was closed as usual, and Tom +opened it with his key. He had got the books into perfect order +now, and had mended the torn leaves, and had pasted up the broken +backs, and substituted neat labels for the worn-out letterings. It +looked a different place, it was so orderly and neat. Tom felt some +pride in comtemplating the change he had wrought, though there was +no one to approve or disapprove of it. + +He was at present occupied in making a fair copy of his draught of +the catalogue; on which, as there was no hurry, he was painfully +concentrating all the ingenious and laborious neatness he had ever +expended on map or plan in Mr Pecksniff's workroom. It was a very +marvel of a catalogue; for Tom sometimes thought he was really +getting his money too easily, and he had determined within himself +that this document should take a little of his superfluous leisure +out of him. + +So with pens and ruler, and compasses and india-rubber, and pencil, +and black ink, and red ink, Tom worked away all the morning. He +thought a good deal about Martin, and their interview of yesterday, +and would have been far easier in his mind if he could have resolved +to confide it to his friend John, and to have taken his opinion on +the subject. But besides that he knew what John's boiling +indignation would be, he bethought himself that he was helping +Martin now in a matter of great moment, and that to deprive the +latter of his assistance at such a crisis of affairs, would be to +inflict a serious injury upon him. + +'So I'll keep it to myself,' said Tom, with a sigh. 'I'll keep it +to myself.' + +And to work he went again, more assiduously than ever, with the +pens, and the ruler, and the india-rubber, and the pencils, and the +red ink, that he might forget it. + +He had laboured away another hour or more, when he heard a footstep +in the entry, down below. + +'Ah!' said Tom, looking towards the door; 'time was, not long ago +either, when that would have set me wondering and expecting. But I +have left off now.' + +The footstep came on, up the stairs. + +'Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight,' said Tom, counting. 'Now +you'll stop. Nobody ever comes past the thirty-eighth stair.' + +The person did, certainly, but only to take breath; for up the +footstep came again. Forty, forty-one, forty-two, and so on. + +The door stood open. As the tread advanced, Tom looked impatiently +and eagerly towards it. When a figure came upon the landing, and +arriving in the doorway, stopped and gazed at him, he rose up from +his chair, and half believed he saw a spirit. + +Old Martin Chuzzlewit! The same whom he had left at Mr Pecksniff's, +weak and sinking! + +The same? No, not the same, for this old man, though old, was +strong, and leaned upon his stick with a vigorous hand, while with +the other he signed to Tom to make no noise. One glance at the +resolute face, the watchful eye, the vigorous hand upon the staff, +the triumphant purpose in the figure, and such a light broke in on +Tom as blinded him. + +'You have expected me,' said Martin, 'a long time.' + +'I was told that my employer would arrive soon,' said Tom; 'but--' + +'I know. You were ignorant who he was. It was my desire. I am +glad it has been so well observed. I intended to have been with you +much sooner. I thought the time had come. I thought I could know +no more, and no worse, of him, than I did on that day when I saw you +last. But I was wrong.' + +He had by this time come up to Tom, and now he grasped his hand. + +'I have lived in his house, Pinch, and had him fawning on me days +and weeks and months. You know it. I have suffered him to treat me +like his tool and instrument. You know it; you have seen me there. +I have undergone ten thousand times as much as I could have endured +if I had been the miserable weak old man he took me for. You know +it. I have seen him offer love to Mary. You know it; who better-- +who better, my true heart! I have had his base soul bare before me, +day by day, and have not betrayed myself once. I never could have +undergone such torture but for looking forward to this time.' + +He stopped, even in the passion of his speech--if that can be called +passion which was so resolute and steady--to press Tom's hand again. +Then he said, in great excitement: + +'Close the door, close the door. He will not be long after me, but +may come too soon. The time now drawing on,' said the old man, +hurriedly--his eyes and whole face brightening as he spoke--'will +make amends for all. I wouldn't have him die or hang himself, for +millions of golden pieces! Close the door!' + +Tom did so; hardly knowing yet whether he was awake or in a dream. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE + +SHEDS NEW AND BRIGHTER LIGHT UPON THE VERY DARK PLACE; AND CONTAINS +THE SEQUEL OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +The night had now come, when the old clerk was to be delivered over +to his keepers. In the midst of his guilty distractions, Jonas had +not forgotten it. + +It was a part of his guilty state of mind to remember it; for on his +persistence in the scheme depended one of his precautions for his +own safety. A hint, a word, from the old man, uttered at such a +moment in attentive ears, might fire the train of suspicion, and +destroy him. His watchfulness of every avenue by which the +discovery of his guilt might be approached, sharpened with his sense +of the danger by which he was encompassed. With murder on his soul, +and its innumerable alarms and terrors dragging at him night and +day, he would have repeated the crime, if he had seen a path of +safety stretching out beyond. It was in his punishment; it was in +his guilty condition. The very deed which his fears rendered +insupportable, his fears would have impelled him to commit again. + +But keeping the old man close, according to his design, would serve +his turn. His purpose was to escape, when the first alarm and +wonder had subsided; and when he could make the attempt without +awakening instant suspicion. In the meanwhile these women would +keep him quiet; and if the talking humour came upon him, would not +be easily startled. He knew their trade. + +Nor had he spoken idly when he said the old man should be gagged. +He had resolved to ensure his silence; and he looked to the end, not +the means. He had been rough and rude and cruel to the old man all +his life; and violence was natural to his mind in connection with +him. 'He shall be gagged if he speaks, and pinioned if he writes,' +said Jonas, looking at him; for they sat alone together. 'He is mad +enough for that; I'll go through with it!' + +Hush! + +Still listening! To every sound. He had listened ever since, and it +had not come yet. The exposure of the Assurance office; the flight +of Crimple and Bullamy with the plunder, and among the rest, as he +feared, with his own bill, which he had not found in the pocket-book +of the murdered man, and which with Mr Pecksniff's money had +probably been remitted to one or other of those trusty friends for +safe deposit at the banker's; his immense losses, and peril of being +still called to account as a partner in the broken firm; all these +things rose in his mind at one time and always, but he could not +contemplate them. He was aware of their presence, and of the rage, +discomfiture, and despair, they brought along with them; but he +thought--of his own controlling power and direction he thought--of +the one dread question only. When they would find the body in the +wood. + +He tried--he had never left off trying--not to forget it was there, +for that was impossible, but to forget to weary himself by drawing +vivid pictures of it in his fancy; by going softly about it and +about it among the leaves, approaching it nearer and nearer through +a gap in the boughs, and startling the very flies that were thickly +sprinkled all over it, like heaps of dried currants. His mind was +fixed and fastened on the discovery, for intelligence of which he +listened intently to every cry and shout; listened when any one came +in or went out; watched from the window the people who passed up +and down the street; mistrusted his own looks and words. And the +more his thoughts were set upon the discovery, the stronger was the +fascination which attracted them to the thing itself; lying alone in +the wood. He was for ever showing and presenting it, as it were, to +every creature whom he saw. 'Look here! Do you know of this? Is it +found? Do you suspect ME?' If he had been condemned to bear the +body in his arms, and lay it down for recognition at the feet of +every one he met, it could not have been more constantly with him, +or a cause of more monotonous and dismal occupation than it was in +this state of his mind. + +Still he was not sorry. It was no contrition or remorse for what he +had done that moved him; it was nothing but alarm for his own +security. The vague consciousness he possessed of having wrecked +his fortune in the murderous venture, intensified his hatred and +revenge, and made him set the greater store by what he had gained +The man was dead; nothing could undo that. He felt a triumph yet, +in the reflection. + +He had kept a jealous watch on Chuffey ever since the deed; seldom +leaving him but on compulsion, and then for as short intervals as +possible. They were alone together now. It was twilight, and the +appointed time drew near at hand. Jonas walked up and down the +room. The old man sat in his accustomed corner. + +The slightest circumstance was matter of disquiet to the murderer, +and he was made uneasy at this time by the absence of his wife, who +had left home early in the afternoon, and had not returned yet. No +tenderness for her was at the bottom of this; but he had a misgiving +that she might have been waylaid, and tempted into saying something +that would criminate him when the news came. For anything he knew, +she might have knocked at the door of his room, while he was away, +and discovered his plot. Confound her, it was like her pale face to +be wandering up and down the house! Where was she now? + +'She went to her good friend, Mrs Todgers,' said the old man, when +he asked the question with an angry oath. + +Aye! To be sure! Always stealing away into the company of that +woman. She was no friend of his. Who could tell what devil's +mischief they might hatch together! Let her be fetched home +directly. + +The old man, muttering some words softly, rose as if he would have +gone himself, but Jonas thrust him back into his chair with an +impatient imprecation, and sent a servant-girl to fetch her. When +he had charged her with her errand he walked to and fro again, and +never stopped till she came back, which she did pretty soon; the way +being short, and the woman having made good haste. + +Well! Where was she? Had she come? + +No. She had left there, full three hours. + +'Left there! Alone?' + +The messenger had not asked; taking that for granted. + +'Curse you for a fool. Bring candles!' + +She had scarcely left the room when the old clerk, who had been +unusually observant of him ever since he had asked about his wife, +came suddenly upon him. + +'Give her up!' cried the old man. 'Come! Give her up to me! Tell me +what you have done with her. Quick! I have made no promises on that +score. Tell me what you have done with her.' + +He laid his hands upon his collar as he spoke, and grasped it; +tightly too. + +'You shall not leave me!' cried the old man. 'I am strong enough to +cry out to the neighbours, and I will, unless you give her up. Give +her up to me!' + +Jonas was so dismayed and conscience-stricken, that he had not even +hardihood enough to unclench the old man's hands with his own; but +stood looking at him as well as he could in the darkness, without +moving a finger. It was as much as he could do to ask him what he +meant. + +'I will know what you have done with her!' retorted Chuffey. 'If +you hurt a hair of her head, you shall answer it. Poor thing! Poor +thing! Where is she?' + +'Why, you old madman!' said Jonas, in a low voice, and with +trembling lips. 'What Bedlam fit has come upon you now?' + +'It is enough to make me mad, seeing what I have seen in this +house!' cried Chuffey. 'Where is my dear old master! Where is his +only son that I have nursed upon my knee, a child! Where is she, she +who was the last; she that I've seen pining day by day, and heard +weeping in the dead of night! She was the last, the last of all my +friends! Heaven help me, she was the very last!' + +Seeing that the tears were stealing down his face, Jonas mustered +courage to unclench his hands, and push him off before he answered: + +'Did you hear me ask for her? Did you hear me send for her? How +can I give you up what I haven't got, idiot! Ecod, I'd give her up +to you and welcome, if I could; and a precious pair you'd be!' + +'If she has come to any harm,' cried Chuffey, 'mind! I'm old and +silly; but I have my memory sometimes; and if she has come to any +harm--' + +'Devil take you,' interrupted Jonas, but in a suppressed voice +still; 'what harm do you suppose she has come to? I know no more +where she is than you do; I wish I did. Wait till she comes home, +and see; she can't be long. Will that content you?' + +'Mind!' exclaimed the old man. 'Not a hair of her head! not a hair +of her head ill-used! I won't bear it. I--I--have borne it too long +Jonas. I am silent, but I--I--I can speak. I--I--I can speak--' he +stammered, as he crept back to his chair, and turned a threatening, +though a feeble, look upon him. + +'You can speak, can you!' thought Jonas. 'So, so, we'll stop your +speaking. It's well I knew of this in good time. Prevention is +better than cure.' + +He had made a poor show of playing the bully and evincing a desire +to conciliate at the same time, but was so afraid of the old man +that great drops had started out upon his brow; and they stood there +yet. His unusual tone of voice and agitated manner had sufficiently +expressed his fear; but his face would have done so now, without +that aid, as he again walked to and fro, glancing at him by the +candelight. + +He stopped at the window to think. An opposite shop was lighted up; +and the tradesman and a customer were reading some printed bill +together across the counter. The sight brought him back, instantly, +to the occupation he had forgotten. 'Look here! Do you know of +this? Is it found? Do you suspect ME?' + +A hand upon the door. 'What's that!' + +'A pleasant evenin',' said the voice of Mrs Gamp, 'though warm, +which, bless you, Mr Chuzzlewit, we must expect when cowcumbers is +three for twopence. How does Mr Chuffey find his self to-night, +sir?' + +Mrs Gamp kept particularly close to the door in saying this, and +curtseyed more than usual. She did not appear to be quite so much +at her ease as she generally was. + +'Get him to his room,' said Jonas, walking up to her, and speaking +in her ear. 'He has been raving to-night--stark mad. Don't talk +while he's here, but come down again.' + +'Poor sweet dear!' cried Mrs Gamp, with uncommon tenderness. 'He's +all of a tremble.' + +'Well he may be,' said Jonas, 'after the mad fit he has had. Get +him upstairs.' + +She was by this time assisting him to rise. + +'There's my blessed old chick!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a tone that was +at once soothing and encouraging. 'There's my darlin' Mr Chuffey! +Now come up to your own room, sir, and lay down on your bed a bit; +for you're a-shakin' all over, as if your precious jints was hung +upon wires. That's a good creetur! Come with Sairey!' + +'Is she come home?' inquired the old man. + +'She'll be here directly minit,' returned Mrs Gamp. 'Come with +Sairey, Mr Chuffey. Come with your own Sairey!' + +The good woman had no reference to any female in the world in +promising this speedy advent of the person for whom Mr Chuffey +inquired, but merely threw it out as a means of pacifying the old +man. It had its effect, for he permitted her to lead him away; and +they quitted the room together. + +Jonas looked out of the window again. They were still reading the +printed paper in the shop opposite, and a third man had joined in +the perusal. What could it be, to interest them so?' + +A dispute or discussion seemed to arise among them, for they all +looked up from their reading together, and one of the three, who had +been glancing over the shoulder of another, stepped back to explain +or illustrate some action by his gestures. + +Horror! How like the blow he had struck in the wood! + +It beat him from the window as if it had lighted on himself. As he +staggered into a chair, he thought of the change in Mrs Gamp +exhibited in her new-born tenderness to her charge. Was that +because it was found?--because she knew of it?--because she +suspected him? + +'Mr Chuffey is a-lyin' down,' said Mrs Gamp, returning, 'and much +good may it do him, Mr Chuzzlewit, which harm it can't and good it +may; be joyful!' + +'Sit down,' said Jonas, hoarsely, 'and let us get this business +done. Where is the other woman?' + +'The other person's with him now,' she answered. + +'That's right,' said Jonas. 'He is not fit to be left to himself. +Why, he fastened on me to-night; here, upon my coat; like a savage +dog. Old as he is, and feeble as he is usually, I had some trouble +to shake him off. You--Hush!--It's nothing. You told me the other +woman's name. I forget it.' + +'I mentioned Betsey Prig,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'She is to be trusted, is she?' + +'That she ain't!' said Mrs Gamp; 'nor have I brought her, Mr +Chuzzlewit. I've brought another, which engages to give every +satigefaction.' + +'What is her name?' asked Jonas. + +Mrs Gamp looked at him in an odd way without returning any answer, +but appeared to understand the question too. + +'What is her name?' repeated Jonas. + +'Her name,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is Harris.' + +It was extraordinary how much effort it cost Mrs Gamp to pronounce +the name she was commonly so ready with. She made some three or +four gasps before she could get it out; and, when she had uttered +it, pressed her hand upon her side, and turned up her eyes, as if +she were going to faint away. But, knowing her to labour under a +complication of internal disorders, which rendered a few drops of +spirits indispensable at certain times to her existence, and which +came on very strong when that remedy was not at hand, Jonas merely +supposed her to be the victim of one of these attacks. + +'Well!' he said, hastily, for he felt how incapable he was of +confining his wandering attention to the subject. 'You and she have +arranged to take care of him, have you?' + +Mrs Gamp replied in the affirmative, and softly discharged herself +of her familiar phrase, 'Turn and turn about; one off, one on.' But +she spoke so tremulously that she felt called upon to add, 'which +fiddle-strings is weakness to expredge my nerves this night!' + +Jonas stopped to listen. Then said, hurriedly: + +'We shall not quarrel about terms. Let them be the same as they +were before. Keep him close, and keep him quiet. He must be +restrained. He has got it in his head to-night that my wife's dead, +and has been attacking me as if I had killed her. It's--it's common +with mad people to take the worst fancies of those they like best. +Isn't it?' + +Mrs Gamp assented with a short groan. + +'Keep him close, then, or in one of his fits he'll be doing me a +mischief. And don't trust him at any time; for when he seems most +rational, he's wildest in his talk. But that you know already. Let +me see the other.' + +'The t'other person, sir?' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Aye! Go you to him and send the other. Quick! I'm busy.' + +Mrs Gamp took two or three backward steps towards the door, and +stopped there. + +'It is your wishes, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, in a sort of quavering +croak, 'to see the t'other person. Is it?' + +But the ghastly change in Jonas told her that the other person was +already seen. Before she could look round towards the door, she was +put aside by old Martin's hand; and Chuffey and John Westlock +entered with him. + +'Let no one leave the house,' said Martin. 'This man is my +brother's son. Ill-met, ill-trained, ill-begotten. If he moves +from the spot on which he stands, or speaks a word above his breath +to any person here, open the window, and call for help!' + +'What right have you to give such directions in this house?' asked +Jonas faintly. + +'The right of your wrong-doing. Come in there!' + +An irrepressible exclamation burst from the lips of Jonas, as +Lewsome entered at the door. It was not a groan, or a shriek, or a +word, but was wholly unlike any sound that had ever fallen on the +ears of those who heard it, while at the same time it was the most +sharp and terrible expression of what was working in his guilty +breast, that nature could have invented. + +He had done murder for this! He had girdled himself about with +perils, agonies of mind, innumerable fears, for this! He had hidden +his secret in the wood; pressed and stamped it down into the bloody +ground; and here it started up when least expected, miles upon miles +away; known to many; proclaiming itself from the lips of an old man +who had renewed his strength and vigour as by a miracle, to give it +voice against him! + +He leaned his hand on the back of a chair, and looked at them. It +was in vain to try to do so scornfully, or with his usual insolence. +He required the chair for his support. But he made a struggle for +it. + +'I know that fellow,' he said, fetching his breath at every word, +and pointing his trembling finger towards Lewsome. 'He's the +greatest liar alive. What's his last tale? Ha, ha! You're rare +fellows, too! Why, that uncle of mine is childish; he's even a +greater child than his brother, my father, was, in his old age; or +than Chuffey is. What the devil do you mean,' he added, looking +fiercely at John Westlock and Mark Tapley (the latter had entered +with Lewsome), 'by coming here, and bringing two idiots and a knave +with you to take my house by storm? Hallo, there! Open the door! +Turn these strangers out!' + +'I tell you what,' cried Mr Tapley, coming forward, 'if it wasn't +for your name, I'd drag you through the streets of my own accord, +and single-handed I would! Ah, I would! Don't try and look bold at +me. You can't do it! Now go on, sir,' this was to old Martin. +'Bring the murderin' wagabond upon his knees! If he wants noise, he +shall have enough of it; for as sure as he's a shiverin' from head +to foot I'll raise a uproar at this winder that shall bring half +London in. Go on, sir! Let him try me once, and see whether I'm a +man of my word or not.' + +With that, Mark folded his arms, and took his seat upon the window- +ledge, with an air of general preparation for anything, which seemed +to imply that he was equally ready to jump out himself, or to throw +Jonas out, upon receiving the slightest hint that it would be +agreeable to the company. + +Old Martin turned to Lewsome: + +'This is the man,' he said, extending his hand towards Jonas. 'Is +it?' + +'You need do no more than look at him to be sure of that, or of the +truth of what I have said,' was the reply. 'He is my witness.' + +'Oh, brother!' cried old Martin, clasping his hands and lifting up +his eyes. 'Oh, brother, brother! Were we strangers half our lives +that you might breed a wretch like this, and I make life a desert by +withering every flower that grew about me! Is it the natural end of +your precepts and mine, that this should be the creature of your +rearing, training, teaching, hoarding, striving for; and I the means +of bringing him to punishment, when nothing can repair the wasted +past!' + +He sat down upon a chair as he spoke, and turning away his face, was +silent for a few moments. Then with recovered energy he proceeded: + +'But the accursed harvest of our mistaken lives shall be trodden +down. It is not too late for that. You are confronted with this +man, you monster there; not to be spared, but to be dealt with +justly. Hear what he says! Reply, be silent, contradict, repeat, +defy, do what you please. My course will be the same. Go on! And +you,' he said to Chuffey, 'for the love of your old friend, speak +out, good fellow!' + +'I have been silent for his love!' cried the old man. 'He urged me +to it. He made me promise it upon his dying bed. I never would +have spoken, but for your finding out so much. I have thought about +it ever since; I couldn't help that; and sometimes I have had it all +before me in a dream; but in the day-time, not in sleep. Is there +such a kind of dream?' said Chuffey, looking anxiously in old +Martin's face. + +As Martin made him an encouraging reply, he listened attentively to +his voice, and smiled. + +'Ah, aye!' he cried. 'He often spoke to me like that. We were at +school together, he and I. I couldn't turn against his son, you +know--his only son, Mr Chuzzlewit!' + +'I would to Heaven you had been his son!' said Martin. + +'You speak so like my dear old master,' cried the old man with a +childish delight, 'that I almost think I hear him. I can hear you +quite as well as I used to hear him. It makes me young again. He +never spoke unkindly to me, and I always understood him. I could +always see him too, though my sight was dim. Well, well! He's dead, +he's dead. He was very good to me, my dear old master!' + +He shook his head mournfully over the brother's hand. At this +moment Mark, who had been glancing out of the window, left the room. + +'I couldn't turn against his only son, you know,' said Chuffey. 'He +has nearly driven me to do it sometimes; he very nearly did tonight. +Ah!' cried the old man, with a sudden recollection of the cause. +'Where is she? She's not come home!' + +'Do you mean his wife?' said Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'Yes.' + +'I have removed her. She is in my care, and will be spared the +present knowledge of what is passing here. She has known misery +enough, without that addition.' + +Jonas heard this with a sinking heart. He knew that they were on +his heels, and felt that they were resolute to run him to +destruction. Inch by inch the ground beneath him was sliding from +his feet; faster and faster the encircling ruin contracted and +contracted towards himself, its wicked centre, until it should close +in and crush him. + +And now he heard the voice of his accomplice stating to his face, +with every circumstance of time and place and incident; and openly +proclaiming, with no reserve, suppression, passion, or concealment; +all the truth. The truth, which nothing would keep down; which +blood would not smother, and earth would not hide; the truth, whose +terrible inspiration seemed to change dotards into strong men; and +on whose avenging wings, one whom he had supposed to be at the +extremest corner of the earth came swooping down upon him. + +He tried to deny it, but his tongue would not move. He conceived +some desperate thought of rushing away, and tearing through the +streets; but his limbs would as little answer to his will as his +stark, stiff staring face. All this time the voice went slowly on, +denouncing him. It was as if every drop of blood in the wood had +found a voice to jeer him with. + +When it ceased, another voice took up the tale, but strangely; for +the old clerk, who had watched, and listened to the whole, and had +wrung his hands from time to time, as if he knew its truth and could +confirm it, broke in with these words: + +'No, no, no! you're wrong; you're wrong--all wrong together! Have +patience, for the truth is only known to me!' + +'How can that be,' said his old master's brother, 'after what you +have heard? Besides, you said just now, above-stairs, when I told +you of the accusation against him, that you knew he was his father's +murderer.' + +'Aye, yes! and so he was!' cried Chuffey, wildly. 'But not as you +suppose--not as you suppose. Stay! Give me a moment's time. I have +it all here--all here! It was foul, foul, cruel, bad; but not as you +suppose. Stay, stay!' + +He put his hands up to his head, as if it throbbed or pained him. +After looking about him in a wandering and vacant manner for some +moments, his eyes rested upon Jonas, when they kindled up with +sudden recollection and intelligence. + +'Yes!' cried old Chuffey, 'yes! That's how it was. It's all upon me +now. He--he got up from his bed before he died, to be sure, to say +that he forgave him; and he came down with me into this room; and +when he saw him--his only son, the son he loved--his speech forsook +him; he had no speech for what he knew--and no one understood him +except me. But I did--I did!' + +Old Martin regarded him in amazement; so did his companions. Mrs +Gamp, who had said nothing yet; but had kept two-thirds of herself +behind the door, ready for escape, and one-third in the room, ready +for siding with the strongest party; came a little further in and +remarked, with a sob, that Mr Chuffey was 'the sweetest old creetur +goin'.' + +'He bought the stuff,' said Chuffey, stretching out his arm towards +Jonas while an unwonted fire shone in his eye, and lightened up his +face; 'he bought the stuff, no doubt, as you have heard, and brought +it home. He mixed the stuff--look at him!--with some sweetmeat in a +jar, exactly as the medicine for his father's cough was mixed, and +put it in a drawer; in that drawer yonder in the desk; he knows +which drawer I mean! He kept it there locked up. But his courage +failed him or his heart was touched--my God! I hope it was his +heart! He was his only son!--and he did not put it in the usual +place, where my old master would have taken it twenty times a day.' + +The trembling figure of the old man shook with the strong emotions +that possessed him. But, with the same light in his eye, and with +his arm outstretched, and with his grey hair stirring on his head, +he seemed to grow in size, and was like a man inspired. Jonas +shrunk from looking at him, and cowered down into the chair by which +he had held. It seemed as if this tremendous Truth could make the +dumb speak. + +'I know it every word now!' cried Chuffey. 'Every word! He put it +in that drawer, as I have said. He went so often there, and was so +secret, that his father took notice of it; and when he was out, had +it opened. We were there together, and we found the mixture--Mr +Chuzzlewit and I. He took it into his possession, and made light of +it at the time; but in the night he came to my bedside, weeping, and +told me that his own son had it in his mind to poison him. "Oh, +Chuff," he said, "oh, dear old Chuff! a voice came into my room +to-night, and told me that this crime began with me. It began when I +taught him to be too covetous of what I have to leave, and made the +expectation of it his great business!" Those were his words; aye, +they are his very words! If he was a hard man now and then, it was +for his only son. He loved his only son, and he was always good to +me!' + +Jonas listened with increased attention. Hope was breaking in upon +him. + +'"He shall not weary for my death, Chuff;" that was what he said +next,' pursued the old clerk, as he wiped his eyes; 'that was what +he said next, crying like a little child: "He shall not weary for my +death, Chuff. He shall have it now; he shall marry where he has a +fancy, Chuff, although it don't please me; and you and I will go +away and live upon a little. I always loved him; perhaps he'll love +me then. It's a dreadful thing to have my own child thirsting for +my death. But I might have known it. I have sown, and I must reap. +He shall believe that I am taking this; and when I see that he is +sorry, and has all he wants, I'll tell him that I found it out, and +I'll forgive him. He'll make a better man of his own son, and be a +better man himself, perhaps, Chuff!"' + +Poor Chuffey paused to dry his eyes again. Old Martin's face was +hidden in his hands. Jonas listened still more keenly, and his +breast heaved like a swollen water, but with hope. With growing +hope. + +'My dear old master made believe next day,' said Chuffey, 'that he +had opened the drawer by mistake with a key from the bunch, which +happened to fit it (we had one made and hung upon it); and that he +had been surprised to find his fresh supply of cough medicine in +such a place, but supposed it had been put there in a hurry when the +drawer stood open. We burnt it; but his son believed that he was +taking it--he knows he did. Once Mr Chuzzlewit, to try him, took +heart to say it had a strange taste; and he got up directly, and +went out.' + +Jonas gave a short, dry cough; and, changing his position for an +easier one, folded his arms without looking at them, though they +could now see his face. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit wrote to her father; I mean the father of the poor +thing who's his wife,' said Chuffey; 'and got him to come up, +intending to hasten on the marriage. But his mind, like mine, went +a little wrong through grief, and then his heart broke. He sank and +altered from the time when he came to me in the night; and never +held up his head again. It was only a few days, but he had never +changed so much in twice the years. "Spare him, Chuff!" he said, +before he died. They were the only words he could speak. "Spare +him, Chuff!" I promised him I would. I've tried to do it. He's +his only son.' + +On his recollection of the last scene in his old friend's life, poor +Chuffey's voice, which had grown weaker and weaker, quite deserted +him. Making a motion with his hand, as if he would have said that +Anthony had taken it, and had died with it in his, he retreated to +the corner where he usually concealed his sorrows; and was silent. + +Jonas could look at his company now, and vauntingly too. 'Well!' he +said, after a pause. 'Are you satisfied? or have you any more of +your plots to broach? Why that fellow, Lewsome, can invent 'em for +you by the score. Is this all? Have you nothing else?' + +Old Martin looked at him steadily. + +'Whether you are what you seemed to be at Pecksniff's, or are +something else and a mountebank, I don't know and I don't care,' +said Jonas, looking downward with a smile, 'but I don't want you +here. You were here so often when your brother was alive, and were +always so fond of him (your dear, dear brother, and you would have +been cuffing one another before this, ecod!), that I am not +surprised at your being attached to the place; but the place is not +attached to you, and you can't leave it too soon, though you may +leave it too late. And for my wife, old man, send her home +straight, or it will be the worse for her. Ha, ha! You carry it +with a high hand, too! But it isn't hanging yet for a man to keep a +penn'orth of poison for his own purposes, and have it taken from him +by two old crazy jolter-heads who go and act a play about it. Ha, +ha! Do you see the door?' + +His base triumph, struggling with his cowardice, and shame, and +guilt, was so detestable, that they turned away from him, as if he +were some obscene and filthy animal, repugnant to the sight. And +here that last black crime was busy with him too; working within him +to his perdition. But for that, the old clerk's story might have +touched him, though never so lightly; but for that, the sudden +removal of so great a load might have brought about some wholesome +change even in him. With that deed done, however; with that +unnecessary wasteful danger haunting him; despair was in his very +triumph and relief; wild, ungovernable, raging despair, for the +uselessness of the peril into which he had plunged; despair that +hardened him and maddened him, and set his teeth a-grinding in a +moment of his exultation. + +'My good friend!' said old Martin, laying his hand on Chuffey's +sleeve. 'This is no place for you to remain in. Come with me.' + +'Just his old way!' cried Chuffey, looking up into his face. 'I +almost believe it's Mr Chuzzlewit alive again. Yes! Take me with +you! Stay, though, stay.' + +'For what?' asked old Martin. + +'I can't leave her, poor thing!' said Chuffey. 'She has been very +good to me. I can't leave her, Mr Chuzzlewit. Thank you kindly. +I'll remain here. I haven't long to remain; it's no great matter.' + +As he meekly shook his poor, grey head, and thanked old Martin in +these words, Mrs Gamp, now entirely in the room, was affected to +tears. + +'The mercy as it is!' she said, 'as sech a dear, good, reverend +creetur never got into the clutches of Betsey Prig, which but for me +he would have done, undoubted; facts bein' stubborn and not easy +drove!' + +'You heard me speak to you just now, old man,' said Jonas to his +uncle. 'I'll have no more tampering with my people, man or woman. +Do you see the door?' + +'Do YOU see the door?' returned the voice of Mark, coming from that +direction. 'Look at it!' + +He looked, and his gaze was nailed there. Fatal, ill-omened +blighted threshold, cursed by his father's footsteps in his dying +hour, cursed by his young wife's sorrowing tread, cursed by the +daily shadow of the old clerk's figure, cursed by the crossing of +his murderer's feet--what men were standing in the door way! + +Nadgett foremost. + +Hark! It came on, roaring like a sea! Hawkers burst into the street, +crying it up and down; windows were thrown open that the inhabitants +might hear it; people stopped to listen in the road and on the +pavement; the bells, the same bells, began to ring; tumbling over +one another in a dance of boisterous joy at the discovery (that was +the sound they had in his distempered thoughts), and making their +airy play-ground rock. + +'That is the man,' said Nadgett. 'By the window!' + +Three others came in, laid hands upon him, and secured him. It was +so quickly done, that he had not lost sight of the informer's face +for an instant when his wrists were manacled together. + +'Murder,' said Nadgett, looking round on the astonished group. 'Let +no one interfere.' + +The sounding street repeated Murder; barbarous and dreadful Murder. +Murder, Murder, Murder. Rolling on from house to house, and echoing +from stone to stone, until the voices died away into the distant +hum, which seemed to mutter the same word! + +They all stood silent: listening, and gazing in each other's faces, +as the noise passed on. + +Old Martin was the first to speak. 'What terrible history is this?' +he demanded. + +'Ask HIM,' said Nadgett. 'You're his friend, sir. He can tell you, +if he will. He knows more of it than I do, though I know much.' + +'How do you know much?' + +'I have not been watching him so long for nothing,' returned +Nadgett. 'I never watched a man so close as I have watched him.' + +Another of the phantom forms of this terrific Truth! Another of the +many shapes in which it started up about him, out of vacancy. This +man, of all men in the world, a spy upon him; this man, changing his +identity; casting off his shrinking, purblind, unobservant +character, and springing up into a watchful enemy! The dead man +might have come out of his grave, and not confounded and appalled +him more. + +The game was up. The race was at an end; the rope was woven for his +neck. If, by a miracle, he could escape from this strait, he had +but to turn his face another way, no matter where, and there would +rise some new avenger front to front with him; some infant in an +hour grown old, or old man in an hour grown young, or blind man with +his sight restored, or deaf man with his hearing given him. There +was no chance. He sank down in a heap against the wall, and never +hoped again from that moment. + +'I am not his friend, although I have the honour to be his +relative,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'You may speak to me. Where have +you watched, and what have you seen?' + +'I have watched in many places,' returned Nadgett, 'night and day. +I have watched him lately, almost without rest or relief;' his +anxious face and bloodshot eyes confirmed it. 'I little thought to +what my watching was to lead. As little as he did when he slipped +out in the night, dressed in those clothes which he afterwards sunk +in a bundle at London Bridge!' + +Jonas moved upon the ground like a man in bodily torture. He +uttered a suppressed groan, as if he had been wounded by some cruel +weapon; and plucked at the iron band upon his wrists, as though (his +hands being free) he would have torn himself. + +'Steady, kinsman!' said the chief officer of the party. 'Don't be +violent.' + +'Whom do you call kinsman?' asked old Martin sternly. + +'You,' said the man, 'among others.' + +Martin turned his scrutinizing gaze upon him. He was sitting lazily +across a chair with his arms resting on the back; eating nuts, and +throwing the shells out of window as he cracked them, which he still +continued to do while speaking. + +'Aye,' he said, with a sulky nod. 'You may deny your nephews till +you die; but Chevy Slyme is Chevy Slyme still, all the world over. +Perhaps even you may feel it some disgrace to your own blood to be +employed in this way. I'm to be bought off.' + +'At every turn!' cried Martin. 'Self, self, self. Every one among +them for himself!' + +'You had better save one or two among them the trouble then and be +for them as well as YOURself,' replied his nephew. 'Look here at +me! Can you see the man of your family who has more talent in his +little finger than all the rest in their united brains, dressed as a +police officer without being ashamed? I took up with this trade on +purpose to shame you. I didn't think I should have to make a +capture in the family, though.' + +'If your debauchery, and that of your chosen friends, has really +brought you to this level,' returned the old man, 'keep it. You are +living honestly, I hope, and that's something.' + +'Don't be hard upon my chosen friends,' returned Slyme, 'for they +were sometimes your chosen friends too. Don't say you never +employed my friend Tigg, for I know better. We quarrelled upon it.' + +'I hired the fellow,' retorted Mr Chuzzlewit, 'and I paid him.' + +'It's well you paid him,' said his nephew, 'for it would be too late +to do so now. He has given his receipt in full; or had it forced +from him rather.' + +The old man looked at him as if he were curious to know what he +meant, but scorned to prolong the conversation. + +'I have always expected that he and I would be brought together +again in the course of business,' said Slyme, taking a fresh handful +of nuts from his pocket; 'but I thought he would be wanted for some +swindling job; it never entered my head that I should hold a warrant +for the apprehension of his murderer.' + +'HIS murderer!' cried Mr Chuzzlewit, looking from one to another. + +'His or Mr Montague's,' said Nadgett. 'They are the same, I am +told. I accuse him yonder of the murder of Mr Montague, who was +found last night, killed, in a wood. You will ask me why I accuse +him as you have already asked me how I know so much. I'll tell you. +It can't remain a secret long.' + +The ruling passion of the man expressed itself even then, in the +tone of regret in which he deplored the approaching publicity of +what he knew. + +'I told you I had watched him,' he proceeded. 'I was instructed to +do so by Mr Montague, in whose employment I have been for some time. +We had our suspicions of him; and you know what they pointed at, for +you have been discussing it since we have been waiting here, outside +the room. If you care to hear, now it's all over, in what our +suspicions began, I'll tell you plainly: in a quarrel (it first came +to our ears through a hint of his own) between him and another +office in which his father's life was insured, and which had so much +doubt and distrust upon the subject, that he compounded with them, +and took half the money; and was glad to do it. Bit by bit, I +ferreted out more circumstances against him, and not a few. It +required a little patience, but it's my calling. I found the nurse +--here she is to confirm me; I found the doctor, I found the +undertaker, I found the undertaker's man. I found out how the old +gentleman there, Mr Chuffey, had behaved at the funeral; and I found +out what this man,' touching Lewsome on the arm, 'had talked about +in his fever. I found out how he conducted himself before his +father's death, and how since and how at the time; and writing it +all down, and putting it carefully together, made case enough for Mr +Montague to tax him with the crime, which (as he himself believed +until to-night) he had committed. I was by when this was done. You +see him now. He is only worse than he was then.' + +Oh, miserable, miserable fool! oh, insupportable, excruciating +torture! To find alive and active--a party to it all--the brain and +right-hand of the secret he had thought to crush! In whom, though he +had walled the murdered man up, by enchantment in a rock, the story +would have lived and walked abroad! He tried to stop his ears with +his fettered arms, that he might shut out the rest. + +As he crouched upon the floor, they drew away from him as if a +pestilence were in his breath. They fell off, one by one, from that +part of the room, leaving him alone upon the ground. Even those who +had him in their keeping shunned him, and (with the exception of +Slyme, who was still occupied with his nuts) kept apart. + +'From that garret-window opposite,' said Nadgett, pointing across +the narrow street, 'I have watched this house and him for days and +nights. From that garret-window opposite I saw him return home, +alone, from a journey on which he had set out with Mr Montague. +That was my token that Mr Montague's end was gained; and I might +rest easy on my watch, though I was not to leave it until he +dismissed me. But, standing at the door opposite, after dark that +same night, I saw a countryman steal out of this house, by a side- +door in the court, who had never entered it. I knew his walk, and +that it was himself, disguised. I followed him immediately. I lost +him on the western road, still travelling westward.' + +Jonas looked up at him for an instant, and muttered an oath. + +'I could not comprehend what this meant,' said Nadgett; 'but, having +seen so much, I resolved to see it out, and through. And I did. +Learning, on inquiry at his house from his wife, that he was +supposed to be sleeping in the room from which I had seen him go +out, and that he had given strict orders not to be disturbed, I knew +that he was coming back; and for his coming back I watched. I kept +my watch in the street--in doorways, and such places--all that +night; at the same window, all next day; and when night came on +again, in the street once more. For I knew he would come back, as +he had gone out, when this part of the town was empty. He did. +Early in the morning, the same countryman came creeping, creeping, +creeping home.' + +'Look sharp!' interposed Slyme, who had now finished his nuts. +'This is quite irregular, Mr Nadgett.' + +'I kept at the window all day,' said Nadgett, without heeding him. +'I think I never closed my eyes. At night, I saw him come out with +a bundle. I followed him again. He went down the steps at London +Bridge, and sunk it in the river. I now began to entertain some +serious fears, and made a communication to the Police, which caused +that bundle to be--' + +'To be fished up,' interrupted Slyme. 'Be alive, Mr Nadgett.' + +'It contained the dress I had seen him wear,' said Nadgett; +'stained with clay, and spotted with blood. Information of the +murder was received in town last night. The wearer of that dress is +already known to have been seen near the place; to have been lurking +in that neighbourhood; and to have alighted from a coach coming from +that part of the country, at a time exactly tallying with the very +minute when I saw him returning home. The warrant has been out, and +these officers have been with me, some hours. We chose our time; +and seeing you come in, and seeing this person at the window--' + +'Beckoned to him,' said Mark, taking up the thread of the narrative, +on hearing this allusion to himself, 'to open the door; which he did +with a deal of pleasure.' + +'That's all at present,' said Nadgett, putting up his great +pocketbook, which from mere habit he had produced when he began his +revelation, and had kept in his hand all the time; 'but there is +plenty more to come. You asked me for the facts, so far I have +related them, and need not detain these gentlemen any longer. Are +you ready, Mr Slyme?' + +'And something more,' replied that worthy, rising. 'If you walk +round to the office, we shall be there as soon as you. Tom! Get a +coach!' + +The officer to whom he spoke departed for that purpose. Old Martin +lingered for a few moments, as if he would have addressed some words +to Jonas; but looking round, and seeing him still seated on the +floor, rocking himself in a savage manner to and fro, took Chuffey's +arm, and slowly followed Nadgett out. John Westlock and Mark Tapley +accompanied them. Mrs Gamp had tottered out first, for the better +display of her feelings, in a kind of walking swoon; for Mrs Gamp +performed swoons of different sorts, upon a moderate notice, as Mr +Mould did Funerals. + +'Ha!' muttered Slyme, looking after them. 'Upon my soul! As +insensible of being disgraced by having such a nephew as myself, in +such a situation, as he was of my being an honour and a credit to +the family! That's the return I get for having humbled my spirit-- +such a spirit as mine--to earn a livelihood, is it?' + +He got up from his chair, and kicked it away indignantly. + +'And such a livelihood too! When there are hundreds of men, not fit +to hold a candle to me, rolling in carriages and living on their +fortunes. Upon my soul it's a nice world!' + +His eyes encountered Jonas, who looked earnestly towards him, and +moved his lips as if he were whispering. + +'Eh?' said Slyme. + +Jonas glanced at the attendant whose back was towards him, and made +a clumsy motion with his bound hands towards the door. + +'Humph!' said Slyme, thoughtfully. 'I couldn't hope to disgrace him +into anything when you have shot so far ahead of me though. I +forgot that.' + +Jonas repeated the same look and gesture. + +'Jack!' said Slyme. + +'Hallo!' returned his man. + +'Go down to the door, ready for the coach. Call out when it comes. +I'd rather have you there. Now then,' he added, turning hastily to +Jonas, when the man was gone. 'What's the matter?' + +Jonas essayed to rise. + +'Stop a bit,' said Slyme. 'It's not so easy when your wrists are +tight together. Now then! Up! What is it?' + +'Put your hand in my pocket. Here! The breast pocket, on the left!' +said Jonas. + +He did so; and drew out a purse. + +'There's a hundred pound in it,' said Jonas, whose words were almost +unintelligible; as his face, in its pallor and agony, was scarcely +human. + +Slyme looked at him; gave it into his hands; and shook his head. + +'I can't. I daren't. I couldn't if I dared. Those fellows below--' + +'Escape's impossible,' said Jonas. 'I know it. One hundred pound +for only five minutes in the next room!' + +'What to do?' he asked. + +The face of his prisoner as he advanced to whisper in his ear, made +him recoil involuntarily. But he stopped and listened to him. The +words were few, but his own face changed as he heard them. + +'I have it about me,' said Jonas, putting his hands to his throat, +as though whatever he referred to were hidden in his neckerchief. +'How should you know of it? How could you know? A hundred pound +for only five minutes in the next room! The time's passing. Speak!' + +'It would be more--more creditable to the family,' observed Slyme, +with trembling lips. 'I wish you hadn't told me half so much. Less +would have served your purpose. You might have kept it to yourself.' + +'A hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room! Speak!' +cried Jonas, desperately. + +He took the purse. Jonas, with a wild unsteady step, retreated to +the door in the glass partition. + +'Stop!' cried Slyme, catching at his skirts. 'I don't know about +this. Yet it must end so at last. Are you guilty?' + +'Yes!' said Jonas. + +'Are the proofs as they were told just now?' + +'Yes!' said Jonas. + +'Will you--will you engage to say a--a Prayer, now, or something of +that sort?' faltered Slyme. + +Jonas broke from him without replying, and closed the door between +them. + +Slyme listened at the keyhole. After that, he crept away on tiptoe, +as far off as he could; and looked awfully towards the place. He +was roused by the arrival of the coach, and their letting down the +steps. + +'He's getting a few things together,' he said, leaning out of +window, and speaking to the two men below, who stood in the full +light of a street-lamp. 'Keep your eye upon the back, one of you, +for form's sake.' + +One of the men withdrew into the court. The other, seating himself +self on the steps of the coach, remained in conversation with Slyme +at the window who perhaps had risen to be his superior, in virtue of +his old propensity (one so much lauded by the murdered man) of being +always round the corner. A useful habit in his present calling. + +'Where is he?' asked the man. + +Slyme looked into the room for an instant and gave his head a jerk +as much as to say, 'Close at hand. I see him.' + +'He's booked,' observed the man. + +'Through,' said Slyme. + +They looked at each other, and up and down the street. The man on +the coach-steps took his hat off, and put it on again, and whistled +a little. + +'I say! He's taking his time!' he remonstrated. + +'I allowed him five minutes,' said Slyme. 'Time's more than up, +though. I'll bring him down.' + +He withdrew from the window accordingly, and walked on tiptoe to the +door in the partition. He listened. There was not a sound within. +He set the candles near it, that they might shine through the glass. + +It was not easy, he found, to make up his mind to the opening of the +door. But he flung it wide open suddenly, and with a noise; then +retreated. After peeping in and listening again, he entered. + +He started back as his eyes met those of Jonas, standing in an angle +of the wall, and staring at him. His neckerchief was off; his face +was ashy pale. + +'You're too soon,' said Jonas, with an abject whimper. 'I've not +had time. I have not been able to do it. I--five minutes more--two +minutes more!--only one!' + +Slyme gave him no reply, but thrusting the purse upon him and +forcing it back into his pocket, called up his men. + +He whined, and cried, and cursed, and entreated them, and struggled, +and submitted, in the same breath, and had no power to stand. They +got him away and into the coach, where they put him on a seat; but +he soon fell moaning down among the straw at the bottom, and lay +there. + +The two men were with him. Slyme being on the box with the driver; +and they let him lie. Happening to pass a fruiterer's on their way; +the door of which was open, though the shop was by this time shut; +one of them remarked how faint the peaches smelled. + +The other assented at the moment, but presently stooped down in +quick alarm, and looked at the prisoner. + +'Stop the coach! He has poisoned himself! The smell comes from this +bottle in his hand!' + +The hand had shut upon it tight. With that rigidity of grasp with +which no living man, in the full strength and energy of life, can +clutch a prize he has won. + +They dragged him out into the dark street; but jury, judge, and +hangman, could have done no more, and could do nothing now. Dead, +dead, dead. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO + +IN WHICH THE TABLES ARE TURNED, COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN + + +Old Martin's cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, +so frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure through the bursting +forth of the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with +Mr Pecksniff, were retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the +occurrences just now related. Stunned, as he had been at first by +the intelligence conveyed to him through Tom Pinch and John +Westlock, of the supposed manner of his brother's death; overwhelmed +as he was by the subsequent narratives of Chuffey and Nadgett, and +the forging of that chain of circumstances ending in the death of +Jonas, of which catastrophe he was immediately informed; scattered +as his purposes and hopes were for the moment, by the crowding in of +all these incidents between him and his end; still their very +intensity and the tumult of their assemblage nerved him to the rapid +and unyielding execution of his scheme. In every single +circumstance, whether it were cruel, cowardly, or false, he saw the +flowering of the same pregnant seed. Self; grasping, eager, narrow- +ranging, overreaching self; with its long train of suspicions, +lusts, deceits, and all their growing consequences; was the root of +the vile tree. Mr Pecksniff had so presented his character before +the old man's eyes, that he--the good, the tolerant, enduring +Pecksniff--had become the incarnation of all selfishness and +treachery; and the more odious the shapes in which those vices +ranged themselves before him now, the sterner consolation he had in +his design of setting Mr Pecksniff right and Mr Pecksniff's victims +too. + +To this work he brought, not only the energy and determination +natural to his character (which, as the reader may have observed in +the beginning of his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was +remarkable for the strong development of those qualities), but all +the forced and unnaturally nurtured energy consequent upon their +long suppression. And these two tides of resolution setting into +one and sweeping on, became so strong and vigorous, that, to prevent +themselves from being carried away before it, Heaven knows where, +was as much as John Westlock and Mark Tapley together (though they +were tolerably energetic too) could manage to effect. + +He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival; and John, +under the conduct of Tom Pinch, had waited on him. Having a lively +recollection of Mr Tapley, he had caused that gentleman's attendance +to be secured, through John's means, without delay; and thus, as we +have seen, they had all repaired together to the City. But his +grandson he had refused to see until to-morrow, when Mr Tapley was +instructed to summon him to the Temple at ten o'clock in the +forenoon. Tom he would not allow to be employed in anything, lest +he should be wrongfully suspected; but he was a party to all their +proceedings, and was with them until late at night--until after they +knew of the death of Jonas; when he went home to tell all these +wonders to little Ruth, and to prepare her for accompanying him to +the Temple in the morning, agreeably to Mr Chuzzlewit's particular +injunction. + +It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something +which he had distinctly before him, that he communicated to them +nothing of his intentions, beyond such hints of reprisal on Mr +Pecksniff as they gathered from the game he had played in that +gentleman's house, and the brightening of his eyes whenever his name +was mentioned. Even to John Westlock, in whom he was evidently +disposed to place great confidence (which may indeed be said of +every one of them), he gave no explanation whatever. He merely +requested him to return in the morning; and with this for their +utmost satisfaction, they left him, when the night was far advanced, +alone. + +The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of +a much younger man than he, but he sat in deep and painful +meditation until the morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek +any prolonged repose, but merely slumbered in his chair, until seven +o'clock, when Mr Tapley had appointed to come to him by his desire; +and came--as fresh and clean and cheerful as the morning itself. + +'You are punctual,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, opening the door to him in +reply to his light knock, which had roused him instantly. + +'My wishes, sir,' replied Mr Tapley, whose mind would appear from +the context to have been running on the matrimonial service, 'is to +love, honour, and obey. The clock's a-striking now, sir.' + +'Come in!' + +'Thank'ee, sir,' rejoined Mr Tapley, 'what could I do for you first, +sir?' + +'You gave my message to Martin?' said the old man, bending his eyes +upon him. + +'I did, sir,' returned Mark; 'and you never see a gentleman more +surprised in all your born days than he was.' + +'What more did you tell him?' Mr Chuzzlewit inquired. + +'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, smiling, 'I should have liked to tell +him a deal more, but not being able, sir, I didn't tell it him.' + +'You told him all you knew?' + +'But it was precious little, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley. 'There was +very little respectin' you that I was able to tell him, sir. I only +mentioned my opinion that Mr Pecksniff would find himself deceived, +sir, and that you would find yourself deceived, and that he would +find himself deceived, sir.' + +'In what?' asked Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'Meaning him, sir?' + +'Meaning both him and me.' + +'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'In your old opinions of each other. +As to him, sir, and his opinions, I know he's a altered man. I know +it. I know'd it long afore he spoke to you t'other day, and I must +say it. Nobody don't know half as much of him as I do. Nobody +can't. There was always a deal of good in him, but a little of it +got crusted over, somehow. I can't say who rolled the paste of that +'ere crust myself, but--' + +'Go on,' said Martin. 'Why do you stop?' + +'But it--well! I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, +sir. Unintentional I think it may have been you. I don't believe +that neither of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There! Now +I've got rid on it,' said Mr Tapley in a fit of desperation: 'I +can't go a-carryin' it about in my own mind, bustin' myself with it; +yesterday was quite long enough. It's out now. I can't help it. +I'm sorry for it. Don't wisit on him, sir, that's all.' + +It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and +was quite prepared to go. + +'So you think,' said Martin, 'that his old faults are, in some +degree, of my creation, do you?' + +'Well, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, 'I'm werry sorry, but I can't unsay +it. It's hardly fair of you, sir, to make a ignorant man conwict +himself in this way, but I DO think so. I am as respectful disposed +to you, sir, as a man can be; but I DO think so.' + +The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull +steadiness of Martin's face, as he looked attentively at him, +without replying. + +'Yet you are an ignorant man, you say,' he observed after a long +pause. + +'Werry much so,' Mr Tapley replied. + +'And I a learned, well-instructed man, you think?' + +'Likewise wery much so,' Mr Tapley answered. + +The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice +or thrice before he added: + +'You have left him this morning?' + +'Come straight from him now, sir.' + +'For what does he suppose?' + +'He don't know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him +jest wot passed yesterday, sir, and that you had said to me, "Can +you be here by seven in the morning?" and that you had said to him, +through me, "Can you be here by ten in the morning?" and that I had +said "Yes" to both. That's all, sir.' + +His frankness was so genuine that it plainly WAS all. + +'Perhaps,' said Martin, 'he may think you are going to desert him, +and to serve me?' + +'I have served him in that sort of way, sir,' replied Mark, without +the loss of any atom of his self-possession; 'and we have been that +sort of companions in misfortune, that my opinion is, he don't +believe a word on it. No more than you do, sir.' + +'Will you help me to dress, and get me some breakfast from the +hotel?' asked Martin. + +'With pleasure, sir,' said Mark. + +'And by-and-bye,' said Martin, 'remaining in the room, as I wish you +to do, will you attend to the door yonder--give admission to +visitors, I mean, when they knock?' + +'Certainly, sir,' said Mr Tapley. + +'You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their +appearance,' Martin suggested. + +'Oh dear no, sir!' said Mr Tapley, 'not at all.' + +Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was +in a state of unbounded astonishment even now. Martin appeared to +observe it, and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr +Tapley under these perplexing circumstances; for, in spite of the +composure of his voice and the gravity of his face, the same +indistinct light flickered on the latter several times. Mark +bestirred himself, however, to execute the offices with which he was +entrusted; and soon lost all tendency to any outward expression of +his surprise, in the occupation of being brisk and busy. + +But when he had put Mr Chuzzlewit's clothes in good order for +dressing, and when that gentleman was dressed and sitting at his +breakfast, Mr Tapley's feelings of wonder began to return upon him +with great violence; and, standing beside the old man with a napkin +under his arm (it was as natural and easy to joke to Mark to be a +butler in the Temple, as it had been to volunteer as cook on board +the Screw), he found it difficult to resist the temptation of +casting sidelong glances at him very often. Nay, he found it +impossible; and accordingly yielded to this impulse so often, that +Martin caught him in the fact some fifty times. The extraordinary +things Mr Tapley did with his own face when any of these detections +occurred; the sudden occasions he had to rub his eyes or his nose or +his chin; the look of wisdom with which he immediately plunged into +the deepest thought, or became intensely interested in the habits +and customs of the flies upon the ceiling, or the sparrows out of +doors; or the overwhelming politeness with which he endeavoured to +hide his confusion by handing the muffin; may not unreasonably be +assumed to have exercised the utmost power of feature that even +Martin Chuzzlewit the elder possessed. + +But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure, or +made a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate or drank, and +frequently lapsed into long intervals of musing. When he had +finished, Mark sat down to his breakfast at the same table; and Mr +Chuzzlewit, quite silent still, walked up and down the room. + +Mark cleared away in due course, and set a chair out for him, in +which, as the time drew on towards ten o'clock, he took his seat, +leaning his hands upon his stick, and clenching them upon the +handle, and resting his chin on them again. All his impatience and +abstraction of manner had vanished now; and as he sat there, +looking, with his keen eyes, steadily towards the door, Mark could +not help thinking what a firm, square, powerful face it was; or +exulting in the thought that Mr Pecksniff, after playing a pretty +long game of bowls with its owner, seemed to be at last in a very +fair way of coming in for a rubber or two. + +Mark's uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, +and by whom to whom, would have excited him in itself. But knowing +for a certainty besides, that young Martin was coming, and in a very +few minutes must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain +quiet and silent. But, excepting that he occasionally coughed in a +hollow and unnatural manner to relieve himself, he behaved with +great decorum through the longest ten minutes he had ever known. + +A knock at the door. Mr Westlock. Mr Tapley, in admitting him, +raised his eyebrows to the highest possible pitch, implying thereby +that he considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr +Chuzzlewit received him very courteously. + +Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister, who were +coming up the stairs. The old man went to meet them; took their +hands in his; and kissed her on the cheek. As this looked +promising, Mr Tapley smiled benignantly. + +Mr Chuzzlewit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was +close behind them, entered. The old man, scarcely looking at him, +pointed to a distant seat. This was less encouraging; and Mr +Tapley's spirits fell again. + +He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not +start, or cry, or tumble down, at sight of Miss Graham and Mrs +Lupin, but he drew a very long breath, and came back perfectly +resigned, looking on them and on the rest with an expression which +seemed to say that nothing could surprise him any more; and that he +was rather glad to have done with that sensation for ever. + +The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom +Pinch's sister. A look of friendly recognition passed between +himself and Mrs Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect +understanding between them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr +Tapley; for, as he afterwards observed, he had retired from the +business, and sold off the stock. + +Not the least curious feature in this assemblage was, that everybody +present was so much surprised and embarrassed by the sight of +everybody else, that nobody ventured to speak. Mr Chuzzlewit alone +broke silence. + +'Set the door open, Mark!' he said; 'and come here.' + +Mark obeyed. + +The last appointed footstep sounded now upon the stairs. They all +knew it. It was Mr Pecksniff's; and Mr Pecksniff was in a hurry +too, for he came bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he +stumbled twice or thrice. + +'Where is my venerable friend?' he cried upon the upper landing; and +then with open arms came darting in. + +Old Martin merely looked at him; but Mr Pecksniff started back as if +he had received the charge from an electric battery. + +'My venerable friend is well?' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'Quite well.' + +It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands +and, looking upwards with a pious joy, silently expressed his +gratitude. He then looked round on the assembled group, and shook +his head reproachfully. For such a man severely, quite severely. + +'Oh, vermin!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Oh, bloodsuckers! Is it not +enough that you have embittered the existence of an individual +wholly unparalleled in the biographical records of amiable persons, +but must you now, even now, when he has made his election, and +reposed his trust in a Numble, but at least sincere and +disinterested relative; must you now, vermin and swarmers (I regret +to make use of these strong expressions, my dear sir, but there are +times when honest indignation will not be controlled), must you now, +vermin and swarmers (for I WILL repeat it), take advantage of his +unprotected state, assemble round him from all quarters, as wolves +and vultures, and other animals of the feathered tribe assemble +round--I will not say round carrion or a carcass, for Mr Chuzzlewit +is quite the contrary--but round their prey; their prey; to rifle and +despoil; gorging their voracious maws, and staining their offensive +beaks, with every description of carnivorous enjoyment!' + +As he stopped to fetch his breath, he waved them off, in a solemn +manner, with his hand. + +'Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers!' he continued; 'leave +him! leave him, I say! Begone! Abscond! You had better be off! +Wander over the face of the earth, young sirs, like vagabonds as you +are, and do not presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the +grey hairs of the patriarchal gentleman to whose tottering limbs I +have the honour to act as an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming, +prop and staff. And you, my tender sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, +addressing himself in a tone of gentle remonstrance to the old man, +'how could you ever leave me, though even for this short period! You +have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon some act of kindness to +me; bless you for it; but you must not do it; you must not be so +venturesome. I should really be angry with you if I could, my +friend!' + +He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man's hand. But +he had not seen how the hand clasped and clutched the stick within +its grasp. As he came smiling on, and got within his reach, old +Martin, with his burning indignation crowded into one vehement +burst, and flashing out of every line and wrinkle in his face, rose +up, and struck him down upon the ground. + +With such a well-directed nervous blow, that down he went, as +heavily and true as if the charge of a Life-Guardsman had tumbled +him out of a saddle. And whether he was stunned by the shock, or +only confused by the wonder and novelty of this warm reception, he +did not offer to get up again; but lay there, looking about him with +a disconcerted meekness in his face so enormously ridiculous, that +neither Mark Tapley nor John Westlock could repress a smile, though +both were actively interposing to prevent a repetition of the blow; +which the old man's gleaming eyes and vigorous attitude seemed to +render one of the most probable events in the world. + +'Drag him away! Take him out of my reach!' said Martin; 'or I can't +help it. The strong restraint I have put upon my hands has been +enough to palsy them. I am not master of myself while he is within +their range. Drag him away!' + +Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr Tapley, without any compromise +about it, actually did drag him away, and stick him up on the floor, +with his back against the opposite wall. + +'Hear me, rascal!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'I have summoned you here to +witness your own work. I have summoned you here to witness it, +because I know it will be gall and wormwood to you! I have summoned +you here to witness it, because I know the sight of everybody here +must be a dagger in your mean, false heart! What! do you know me as +I am, at last!' + +Mr Pecksniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face +and speech and figure was a sight to stare at. + +'Look there!' said the old man, pointing at him, and appealing to +the rest. 'Look there! And then--come hither, my dear Martin--look +here! here! here!' At every repetition of the word he pressed his +grandson closer to his breast. + +'The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this,' he said, +'was in the blow I struck just now. Why did we ever part! How could +we ever part! How could you ever fly from me to him!' + +Martin was about to answer, but he stopped him, and went on. + +'The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today, +and I have known it long; though not so long as I might have done. +Mary, my love, come here.' + +As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair, and +stood beside it with her hand in his; and Martin standing by him. + +'The curse of our house,' said the old man, looking kindly down upon +her, 'has been the love of self; has ever been the love of self. +How often have I said so, when I never knew that I had wrought it +upon others.' + +He drew one hand through Martin's arm, and standing so, between +them, proceeded thus: + +'You all know how I bred this orphan up, to tend me. None of you +can know by what degrees I have come to regard her as a daughter; +for she has won upon me, by her self-forgetfulness, her tenderness, +her patience, all the goodness of her nature, when Heaven is her +witness that I took but little pains to draw it forth. It blossomed +without cultivation, and it ripened without heat. I cannot find it +in my heart to say that I am sorry for it now, or yonder fellow +might be holding up his head.' + +Mr Pecksniff put his hand into his waistcoat, and slightly shook +that part of him to which allusion had been made; as if to signify +that it was still uppermost. + +'There is a kind of selfishness,' said Martin--'I have learned it in +my own experience of my own breast--which is constantly upon the +watch for selfishness in others; and holding others at a distance, +by suspicions and distrusts, wonders why they don't approach, and +don't confide, and calls that selfishness in them. Thus I once +doubted those about me--not without reason in the beginning--and +thus I once doubted you, Martin.' + +'Not without reason,' Martin answered, 'either.' + +'Listen, hypocrite! Listen, smooth-tongued, servile, crawling +knave!' said Martin. 'Listen, you shallow dog. What! When I was +seeking him, you had already spread your nets; you were already +fishing for him, were ye? When I lay ill in this good woman's house +and your meek spirit pleaded for my grandson, you had already caught +him, had ye? Counting on the restoration of the love you knew I +bore him, you designed him for one of your two daughters did ye? Or +failing that, you traded in him as a speculation which at any rate +should blind me with the lustre of your charity, and found a claim +upon me! Why, even then I knew you, and I told you so. Did I tell +you that I knew you, even then?' + +'I am not angry, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, softly. 'I can bear a +great deal from you. I will never contradict you, Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +'Observe!' said Martin, looking round. 'I put myself in that man's +hands on terms as mean and base, and as degrading to himself, as I +could render them in words. I stated them at length to him, before +his own children, syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could, and +with as much offence, and with as plain an exposition of my +contempt, as words--not looks and manner merely--could convey. If I +had only called the angry blood into his face, I would have wavered +in my purpose. If I had only stung him into being a man for a +minute I would have abandoned it. If he had offered me one word of +remonstrance, in favour of the grandson whom he supposed I had +disinherited; if he had pleaded with me, though never so faintly, +against my appeal to him to abandon him to misery and cast him from +his house; I think I could have borne with him for ever afterwards. +But not a word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human +passions was the office of his nature; and faithfully he did his +work!' + +'I am not angry,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I am hurt, Mr Chuzzlewit; +wounded in my feelings; but I am not angry, my good sir.' + +Mr Chuzzlewit resumed. + +'Once resolved to try him, I was resolute to pursue the trial to the +end; but while I was bent on fathoming the depth of his duplicity, I +made a sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on +the other side for any latent spark of goodness, honour, +forbearance--any virtue--that might glimmer in him. For first to +last there has been no such thing. Not once. He cannot say I have +not given him opportunity. He cannot say I have ever led him on. +He cannot say I have not left him freely to himself in all things; +or that I have not been a passive instrument in his hands, which he +might have used for good as easily as evil. Or if he can, he Lies! +And that's his nature, too.' + +'Mr Chuzzlewit,' interrupted Pecksniff, shedding tears. 'I am not +angry, sir. I cannot be angry with you. But did you never, my dear +sir, express a desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked +arts has estranged your good opinion from me, for the time being; +only for the time being; that your grandson, Mr Chuzzlewit, should +be dismissed my house? Recollect yourself, my Christian friend.' + +'I have said so, have I not?' retorted the old man, sternly. 'I +could not tell how far your specious hypocrisy had deceived him, +knave; and knew no better way of opening his eyes than by presenting +you before him in your own servile character. Yes. I did express +that desire. And you leaped to meet it; and you met it; and turning +in an instant on the hand you had licked and beslavered, as only +such hounds can, you strengthened, and confirmed, and justified me +in my scheme.' + +Mr Pecksniff made a bow; a submissive, not to say a grovelling and +an abject bow. If he had been complimented on his practice of the +loftiest virtues, he never could have bowed as he bowed then. + +'The wretched man who has been murdered,' Mr Chuzzlewit went on to +say; 'then passing by the name of--' + +'Tigg,' suggested Mark. + +'Of Tigg; brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of +his, and an unworthy relative of mine; and finding him a man well +enough suited to my purpose, I employed him to glean some news of +you, Martin, for me. It was from him I learned that you had taken +up your abode with yonder fellow. It was he, who meeting you here +in town, one evening--you remember where?' + +'At the pawnbroker's shop,' said Martin. + +'Yes; watched you to your lodging, and enabled me to send you a +bank-note.' + +'I little thought,' said Martin, greatly moved, 'that it had come +from you; I little thought that you were interested in my fate. If +I had--' + +'If you had,' returned the old man, sorrowfully, 'you would have +shown less knowledge of me as I seemed to be, and as I really was. +I hoped to bring you back, Martin, penitent and humbled. I hoped to +distress you into coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had +that to acknowledge which I could not reconcile it to myself to avow, +then, unless you made submission to me first. Thus it was I lost +you. If I have had, indirectly, any act or part in the fate of that +unhappy man, by putting means, however small, within his reach, +Heaven forgive me! I might have known, perhaps, that he would misuse +money; that it was ill-bestowed upon him; and that sown by his hands +it could engender mischief only. But I never thought of him at that +time as having the disposition or ability to be a serious impostor, +or otherwise than as a thoughtless, idle-humoured, dissipated +spendthrift, sinning more against himself than others, and +frequenting low haunts and indulging vicious tastes, to his own ruin +only.' + +'Beggin' your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, who had Mrs Lupin on his +arm by this time, quite agreeably; 'if I may make so bold as say so, +my opinion is, as you was quite correct, and that he turned out +perfectly nat'ral for all that. There's surprisin' number of men +sir, who as long as they've only got their own shoes and stockings +to depend upon, will walk down hill, along the gutters quiet enough +and by themselves, and not do much harm. But set any on 'em up with +a coach and horses, sir; and it's wonderful what a knowledge of +drivin' he'll show, and how he'll fill his wehicle with passengers, +and start off in the middle of the road, neck or nothing, to the +Devil! Bless your heart, sir, there's ever so many Tiggs a-passin' +this here Temple-gate any hour in the day, that only want a chance +to turn out full-blown Montagues every one!' + +'Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'is +wiser than some men's enlightenment, and mine among them. You are +right; not for the first time to-day. Now hear me out, my dears. +And hear me, you, who, if what I have been told be accurately stated, +are Bankrupt in pocket no less than in good name! And when you have +heard me, leave this place, and poison my sight no more!' + +Mr Pecksniff laid his hand upon his breast, and bowed again. + +'The penance I have done in this house,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'has +earned this reflection with it constantly, above all others. That +if it had pleased Heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as +really had reduced me to the state in which I feigned to be, I +should have brought its misery upon myself. Oh, you whose wealth, +like mine, has been a source of continual unhappiness, leading you +to distrust the nearest and dearest, and to dig yourself a living +grave of suspicion and reserve; take heed that, having cast off all +whom you might have bound to you, and tenderly, you do not become in +your decay the instrument of such a man as this, and waken in +another world to the knowledge of such wrong as would embitter +Heaven itself, if wrong or you could ever reach it!' + +And then he told them how he had sometimes thought, in the +beginning, that love might grow up between Mary and Martin; and how +he had pleased his fancy with the picture of observing it when it +was new, and taking them to task, apart, in counterfeited doubt, and +then confessing to them that it had been an object dear to his +heart; and by his sympathy with them, and generous provision for +their young fortunes, establishing a claim on their affection and +regard which nothing should wither, and which should surround his +old age with means of happiness. How in the first dawn of this +design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for the happiness of +others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had come to tell +him that he had already chosen for himself; knowing that he, the old +man, had some faint project on that head, but ignorant whom it +concerned. How it was little comfort to him to know that Martin had +chosen Her, because the grace of his design was lost, and because +finding that she had returned his love, he tortured himself with the +reflection that they, so young, to whom he had been so kind a +benefactor, were already like the world, and bent on their own +selfish, stealthy ends. How in the bitterness of this impression, +and of his past experience, he had reproached Martin so harshly +(forgetting that he had never invited his confidence on such a +point, and confounding what he had meant to do with what he had +done), that high words sprung up between them, and they separated in +wrath. How he loved him still, and hoped he would return. How on +the night of his illness at the Dragon, he had secretly written +tenderly of him, and made him his heir, and sanctioned his marriage +with Mary; and how, after his interview with Mr Pecksniff, he had +distrusted him again, and burnt the paper to ashes, and had lain +down in his bed distracted by suspicions, doubts, and regrets. + +And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pecksniff, and to +prove the constancy and truth of Mary (to himself no less than +Martin), he had conceived and entered on his plan; and how, beneath +her gentleness and patience, he had softened more and more; still +more and more beneath the goodness and simplicity, the honour and +the manly faith of Tom. And when he spoke of Tom, he said God bless +him; and the tears were in his eyes; for he said that Tom, +mistrusted and disliked by him at first, had come like summer rain +upon his heart; and had disposed it to believe in better things. +And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary too, and John, his old +friend, stoutly too; and Mark, and Mrs Lupin, and his sister, little +Ruth. And peace of mind, deep, tranquil peace of mind, was in Tom's +heart. + +The old man then related how nobly Mr Pecksniff had performed the +duty in which he stood indebted to society, in the matter of Tom's +dismissal; and how, having often heard disparagement of Mr Westlock +from Pecksniffian lips, and knowing him to be a friend to Tom, he had +used, through his confidential agent and solicitor, that little +artifice which had kept him in readiness to receive his unknown +friend in London. And he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of +Scoundrel) to remember that there again he had not trapped him to do +evil, but that he had done it of his own free will and agency; nay, +that he had cautioned him against it. And once again he called on +Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Hang-dog) to remember that when Martin +coming home at last, an altered man, had sued for the forgiveness +which awaited him, he, Pecksniff, had rejected him in language of +his own, and had remorsely stepped in between him and the least +touch of natural tenderness. 'For which,' said the old man, 'if the +bending of my finger would remove a halter from your neck, I +wouldn't bend it!' + +'Martin,' he added, 'your rival has not been a dangerous one, but +Mrs Lupin here has played duenna for some weeks; not so much to +watch your love as to watch her lover. For that Ghoul'--his +fertility in finding names for Mr Pecksniff was astonishing--'would +have crawled into her daily walks otherwise, and polluted the fresh +air. What's this? Her hand is trembling strangely. See if you can +hold it.' + +Hold it! If he clasped it half as tightly as he did her waist. +Well, well! + +But it was good in him that even then, in his high fortune and +happiness, with her lips nearly printed on his own, and her proud +young beauty in his close embrace, he had a hand still left to +stretch out to Tom Pinch. + +'Oh, Tom! Dear Tom! I saw you, accidentally, coming here. Forgive +me!' + +'Forgive!' cried Tom. 'I'll never forgive you as long as I live, +Martin, if you say another syllable about it. Joy to you both! Joy, +my dear fellow, fifty thousand times.' + +Joy! There is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. +There is not a blessing on earth that Tom would not have bestowed +upon them, if he could. + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, stepping forward, 'but yow +was mentionin', just now, a lady of the name of Lupin, sir.' + +'I was,' returned old Martin + +'Yes, sir. It's a pretty name, sir?' + +'A very good name,' said Martin. + +'It seems a'most a pity to change such a name into Tapley. Don't +it, sir?' said Mark. + +'That depends upon the lady. What is HER opinion?' + +'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, retiring, with a bow, towards the buxom +hostess, 'her opinion is as the name ain't a change for the better, +but the indiwidual may be, and, therefore, if nobody ain't +acquainted with no jest cause or impediment, et cetrer, the Blue +Dragon will be con-werted into the Jolly Tapley. A sign of my own +inwention, sir. Wery new, conwivial, and expressive!' + +The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr Pecksniff +that he stood with his eyes fixed upon the floor and his hands +clasping one another alternately, as if a host of penal sentences +were being passed upon him. Not only did his figure appear to have +shrunk, but his discomfiture seemed to have extended itself even to +his dress. His clothes seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to +have turned yellow, his hair to have become lank and frowsy; his +very boots looked villanous and dim, as if their gloss had departed +with his own. + +Feeling, rather than seeing, that the old man now pointed to the +door, he raised his eyes, picked up his hat, and thus addressed him: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit, sir! you have partaken of my hospitality.' + +'And paid for it,' he observed. + +'Thank you. That savours,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking out his +pocket-handkerchief, 'of your old familiar frankness. You have paid +for it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. +Thank you again. I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of +your health and faculties on any terms, is, in itself, a sufficient +recompense. To have been deceived implies a trusting nature. Mine +is a trusting nature. I am thankful for it. I would rather have a +trusting nature, do you know, sir, than a doubting one!' + +Here Mr Pecksniff, with a sad smile, bowed, and wiped his eyes. + +'There is hardly any person present, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, +'by whom I have not been deceived. I have forgiven those persons on +the spot. That was my duty; and, of course, I have done it. +Whether it was worthy of you to partake of my hospitality, and to +act the part you did act in my house, that, sir, is a question which +I leave to your own conscience. And your conscience does not acquit +you. No, sir, no!' + +Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr +Pecksniff was not so absolutely lost in his own fervour as to be +unmindful of the expediency of getting a little nearer to the door. + +'I have been struck this day,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'with a walking +stick (which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it), on +that delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomy--the brain. +Several blows have been inflicted, sir, without a walking-stick, +upon that tenderer portion of my frame--my heart. You have +mentioned, sir, my being bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. By +an unfortunate speculation, combined with treachery, I find myself +reduced to poverty; at a time, sir, when the child of my bosom is +widowed, and affliction and disgrace are in my family.' + +Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or +three little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or +three other little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer +of his conscience, to express 'Cheer up, my boy!' + +'I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. +Do I not know, sir'--here he became exceedingly plaintive and was +observed to glance towards Tom Pinch--'that my misfortunes bring +this treatment on me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never +should have heard what I have heard to-day? Do I not know that in +the silence and the solitude of night, a little voice will whisper +in your ear, Mr Chuzzlewit, "This was not well. This was not well, +sir!" Think of this, sir (if you will have the goodness), remote +from the impulses of passion, and apart from the specialities, if I +may use that strong remark, of prejudice. And if you ever +contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for +entertaining some doubt of your doing, after the conduct into which +you have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day; if you ever +contemplate the silent tomb sir, think of me. If you find yourself +approaching to the silent tomb, sir, think of me. If you should wish +to have anything inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be, +that I--ah, my remorseful sir! that I--the humble individual who has +now the honour of reproaching you, forgave you. That I forgave you +when my injuries were fresh, and when my bosom was newly wrung. It +may be bitterness to you to hear it now, sir, but you will live to +seek a consolation in it. May you find a consolation in it when you +want it, sir! Good morning!' + +With this sublime address, Mr Pecksniff departed. But the effect of +his departure was much impaired by his being immediately afterwards +run against, and nearly knocked down, by a monstrously excited +little man in velveteen shorts and a very tall hat; who came +bursting up the stairs, and straight into the chambers of Mr +Chuzzlewit, as if he were deranged. + +'Is there anybody here that knows him?' cried the little man. 'Is +there anybody here that knows him? Oh, my stars, is there anybody +here that knows him?' + +They looked at each other for an explanation; but nobody knew +anything more than that here was an excited little man with a very +tall hat on, running in and out of the room as hard as he could go; +making his single pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a +dozen; and constantly repeating in a shrill voice, 'IS there anybody +here that knows him?' + +'If your brains is not turned topjy turjey, Mr Sweedlepipes!' +exclaimed another voice, 'hold that there nige of yourn, I beg you, +sir.' + +At the same time Mrs Gamp was seen in the doorway; out of breath +from coming up so many stairs, and panting fearfully; but dropping +curtseys to the last. + +'Excuge the weakness of the man,' said Mrs Gamp, eyeing Mr +Sweedlepipe with great indignation; 'and well I might expect it, as +I should have know'd, and wishin' he was drownded in the Thames +afore I had brought him here, which not a blessed hour ago he nearly +shaved the noge off from the father of as lovely a family as ever, +Mr Chuzzlewit, was born three sets of twins, and would have done it, +only he see it a-goin' in the glass, and dodged the rager. And +never, Mr Sweedlepipes, I do assure you, sir, did I so well know +what a misfortun it was to be acquainted with you, as now I do, +which so I say, sir, and I don't deceive you!' + +'I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen all,' cried the little +barber, taking off his hat, 'and yours too, Mrs Gamp. But--but,' he +added this half laughing and half crying, 'IS there anybody here +that knows him?' + +As the barber said these words, a something in top-boots, with its +head bandaged up, staggered into the room, and began going round and +round and round, apparently under the impression that it was walking +straight forward. + +'Look at him!' cried the excited little barber. 'Here he is! +That'll soon wear off, and then he'll be all right again. He's no +more dead than I am. He's all alive and hearty. Aint you, Bailey?' + +'R--r--reether so, Poll!' replied that gentleman. + +'Look here!' cried the little barber, laughing and crying in the +same breath. 'When I steady him he comes all right. There! He's +all right now. Nothing's the matter with him now, except that he's +a little shook and rather giddy; is there, Bailey?' + +'R--r--reether shook, Poll--reether so!' said Mr Bailey. 'What, my +lovely Sairey! There you air!' + +'What a boy he is!' cried the tender-hearted Poll, actually sobbing +over him. 'I never see sech a boy! It's all his fun. He's full of +it. He shall go into the business along with me. I am determined +he shall. We'll make it Sweedlepipe and Bailey. He shall have the +sporting branch (what a one he'll be for the matches!) and me the +shavin'. I'll make over the birds to him as soon as ever he's well +enough. He shall have the little bullfinch in the shop, and all. +He's sech a boy! I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but I +thought there might be some one here that know'd him!' + +Mrs Gamp had observed, not without jealousy and scorn, that a +favourable impression appeared to exist in behalf of Mr Sweedlepipe +and his young friend; and that she had fallen rather into the +background in consequence. She now struggled to the front, +therefore, and stated her business. + +'Which, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, 'is well beknown to Mrs Harris as +has one sweet infant (though she DO not wish it known) in her own +family by the mother's side, kep in spirits in a bottle; and that +sweet babe she see at Greenwich Fair, a-travelling in company with a +pink-eyed lady, Prooshan dwarf, and livin' skelinton, which judge +her feelings when the barrel organ played, and she was showed her own +dear sister's child, the same not bein' expected from the outside +picter, where it was painted quite contrairy in a livin' state, a +many sizes larger, and performing beautiful upon the Arp, which +never did that dear child know or do; since breathe it never did, to +speak on in this wale! And Mrs Harris, Mr Chuzzlewit, has knowed me +many year, and can give you information that the lady which is +widdered can't do better and may do worse, than let me wait upon +her, which I hope to do. Permittin' the sweet faces as I see afore +me.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Is that your business? Was this good +person paid for the trouble we gave her?' + +'I paid her, sir,' returned Mark Tapley; 'liberal.' + +'The young man's words is true,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and thank you +kindly.' + +'Then here we will close our acquaintance, Mrs Gamp,' retorted Mr +Chuzzlewit. 'And Mr Sweedlepipe--is that your name?' + +'That is my name, sir,' replied Poll, accepting with a profusion of +gratitude, some chinking pieces which the old man slipped into his +hand. + +'Mr Sweedlepipe, take as much care of your lady-lodger as you can, +and give her a word or two of good advice now and then. Such,' said +old Martin, looking gravely at the astonished Mrs Gamp, 'as hinting +at the expediency of a little less liquor, and a little more +humanity, and a little less regard for herself, and a little more +regard for her patients, and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty. +Or when Mrs Gamp gets into trouble, Mr Sweedlepipe, it had better +not be at a time when I am near enough to the Old Bailey to +volunteer myself as a witness to her character. Endeavour to +impress that upon her at your leisure, if you please.' + +Mrs Gamp clasped her hands, turned up her eyes until they were quite +invisible, threw back her bonnet for the admission of fresh air to +her heated brow; and in the act of saying faintly--'Less liquor!-- +Sairey Gamp--Bottle on the chimney-piece, and let me put my lips to +it, when I am so dispoged!'--fell into one of the walking swoons; in +which pitiable state she was conducted forth by Mr Sweedlepipe, who, +between his two patients, the swooning Mrs Gamp and the revolving +Bailey, had enough to do, poor fellow. + +The old man looked about him, with a smile, until his eyes rested on +Tom Pinch's sister; when he smiled the more. + +'We will all dine here together,' he said; 'and as you and Mary have +enough to talk of, Martin, you shall keep house for us until the +afternoon, with Mr and Mrs Tapley. I must see your lodgings in the +meanwhile, Tom.' + +Tom was quite delighted. So was Ruth. She would go with them. + +'Thank you, my love,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'But I am afraid I must +take Tom a little out of the way, on business. Suppose you go on +first, my dear?' + +Pretty little Ruth was equally delighted to do that. + +'But not alone,' said Martin, 'not alone. Mr Westlock, I dare say, +will escort you.' + +Why, of course he would: what else had Mr Westlock in his mind? How +dull these old men are! + +'You are sure you have no engagement?' he persisted. + +Engagement! As if he could have any engagement! + +So they went off arm-in-arm. When Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit went off +arm-in-arm a few minutes after them, the latter was still smiling; +and really, for a gentleman of his habits, in rather a knowing +manner. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE + +WHAT JOHN WESTLOCK SAID TO TOM PINCH'S SISTER; WHAT TOM PINCH'S +SISTER SAID TO JOHN WESTLOCK; WHAT TOM PINCH SAID TO BOTH OF THEM; +AND HOW THEY ALL PASSED THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY + + +Brilliantly the Temple Fountain sparkled in the sun, and laughingly +its liquid music played, and merrily the idle drops of water danced +and danced, and peeping out in sport among the trees, plunged +lightly down to hide themselves, as little Ruth and her companion +came toward it. + +And why they came toward the Fountain at all is a mystery; for they +had no business there. It was not in their way. It was quite out +of their way. They had no more to do with the Fountain, bless you, +than they had with--with Love, or any out-of-the-way thing of that +sort. + +It was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments by +the Fountain, but that was quite another affair. Because, of +course, when she had to wait a minute or two, it would have been +very awkward for her to have had to wait in any but a tolerably +quiet spot; but that was as quiet a spot, everything considered, as +they could choose. But when she had John Westlock to take care of +her, and was going home with her arm in his (home being in a +different direction altogether), their coming anywhere near that +Fountain was quite extraordinary. + +However, there they found themselves. And another extraordinary +part of the matter was, that they seemed to have come there, by a +silent understanding. Yet when they got there, they were a little +confused by being there, which was the strangest part of all; +because there is nothing naturally confusing in a Fountain. We all +know that. + +What a good old place it was! John said. With quite an earnest +affection for it + +'A pleasant place indeed,' said little Ruth. 'So shady!' + +Oh wicked little Ruth! + +They came to a stop when John began to praise it. The day was +exquisite; and stopping at all, it was quite natural--nothing could +be more so--that they should glance down Garden Court; because +Garden Court ends in the Garden, and the Garden ends in the River, +and that glimpse is very bright and fresh and shining on a summer's +day. Then, oh, little Ruth, why not look boldly at it! Why fit that +tiny, precious, blessed little foot into the cracked corner of an +insensible old flagstone in the pavement; and be so very anxious to +adjust it to a nicety! + +If the Fiery-faced matron in the crunched bonnet could have seen +them as they walked away, how many years' purchase might Fiery Face +have been disposed to take for her situation in Furnival's Inn as +laundress to Mr Westlock! + +They went away, but not through London's streets! Through some +enchanted city, where the pavements were of air; where all the rough +sounds of a stirring town were softened into gentle music; where +everything was happy; where there was no distance, and no time. +There were two good-tempered burly draymen letting down big butts of +beer into a cellar, somewhere; and when John helped her--almost +lifted her--the lightest, easiest, neatest thing you ever saw-- +across the rope, they said he owed them a good turn for giving him +the chance. Celestial draymen! + +Green pastures in the summer tide, deep-littered straw yards in the +winter, no start of corn and clover, ever, to that noble horse who +WOULD dance on the pavement with a gig behind him, and who +frightened her, and made her clasp his arm with both hands (both +hands meeting one upon the another so endearingly!), and caused her +to implore him to take refuge in the pastry-cook's, and afterwards +to peep out at the door so shrinkingly; and then, looking at him +with those eyes, to ask him was he sure--now was he sure--they might +go safely on! Oh for a string of rampant horses! For a lion, for a +bear, for a mad bull, for anything to bring the little hands together +on his arm again! + +They talked, of course. They talked of Tom, and all these changes +and the attachment Mr Chuzzlewit had conceived for him, and the +bright prospects he had in such a friend, and a great deal more to +the same purpose. The more they talked, the more afraid this +fluttering little Ruth became of any pause; and sooner than have a +pause she would say the same things over again; and if she hadn't +courage or presence of mind enough for that (to say the truth she +very seldom had), she was ten thousand times more charming and +irresistible than she had been before. + +'Martin will be married very soon now, I suppose?' said John. + +She supposed he would. Never did a bewitching little woman suppose +anything in such a faint voice as Ruth supposed that. + +But seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching, +she remarked that he would have a beautiful wife. Didn't Mr +Westlock think so? + +'Ye--yes,' said John, 'oh, yes.' + +She feared he was rather hard to please, he spoke so coldly. + +'Rather say already pleased,' said John. 'I have scarcely seen her. +I had no care to see her. I had no eyes for HER, this morning.' + +Oh, good gracious! + +It was well they had reached their destination. She never could +have gone any further. It would have been impossible to walk in +such a tremble. + +Tom had not come in. They entered the triangular parlour together, +and alone. Fiery Face, Fiery Face, how many years' purchase NOW! + +She sat down on the little sofa, and untied her bonnet-strings. He +sat down by her side, and very near her; very, very near her. Oh +rapid, swelling, bursting little heart, you knew that it would come +to this, and hoped it would. Why beat so wildly, heart! + +'Dear Ruth! Sweet Ruth! If I had loved you less, I could have told +you that I loved you, long ago. I have loved you from the first. +There never was a creature in the world more truly loved than you, +dear Ruth, by me!' + +She clasped her little hands before her face. The gushing tears of +joy, and pride, and hope, and innocent affection, would not be +restrained. Fresh from her full young heart they came to answer +him. + +'My dear love! If this is--I almost dare to hope it is, now--not +painful or distressing to you, you make me happier than I can tell, +or you imagine. Darling Ruth! My own good, gentle, winning Ruth! I +hope I know the value of your heart, I hope I know the worth of your +angel nature. Let me try and show you that I do; and you will make +me happier, Ruth--' + +'Not happier,' she sobbed, 'than you make me. No one can be +happier, John, than you make me!' + +Fiery Face, provide yourself! The usual wages or the usual warning. +It's all over, Fiery Face. We needn't trouble you any further. + +The little hands could meet each other now, without a rampant horse +to urge them. There was no occasion for lions, bears, or mad bulls. +It could all be done, and infinitely better, without their +assistance. No burly drayman or big butts of beer, were wanted for +apologies. No apology at all was wanted. The soft light touch fell +coyly, but quite naturally, upon the lover's shoulder; the delicate +waist, the drooping head, the blushing cheek, the beautiful eyes, +the exquisite mouth itself, were all as natural as possible. If all +the horses in Araby had run away at once, they couldn't have +improved upon it. + +They soon began to talk of Tom again. + +'I hope he will be glad to hear of it!' said John, with sparkling +eyes. + +Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it, and +looked up seriously into his face. + +'I am never to leave him, AM I, dear? I could never leave Tom. I +am sure you know that.' + +'Do you think I would ask you?' he returned, with a--well! Never +mind with what. + +'I am sure you never would,' she answered, the bright tears standing +in her eyes. + +'And I will swear it, Ruth, my darling, if you please. Leave Tom! +That would be a strange beginning. Leave Tom, dear! If Tom and we +be not inseparable, and Tom (God bless him) have not all honour and +all love in our home, my little wife, may that home never be! And +that's a strong oath, Ruth.' + +Shall it be recorded how she thanked him? Yes, it shall. In all +simplicity and innocence and purity of heart, yet with a timid, +graceful, half-determined hesitation, she set a little rosy seal +upon the vow, whose colour was reflected in her face, and flashed up +to the braiding of her dark brown hair. + +'Tom will be so happy, and so proud, and glad,' she said, clasping +her little hands. 'But so surprised! I am sure he had never thought +of such a thing.' + +Of course John asked her immediately--because you know they were in +that foolish state when great allowances must be made--when SHE had +begun to think of such a thing, and this made a little diversion in +their talk; a charming diversion to them, but not so interesting to +us; at the end of which, they came back to Tom again. + +'Ah! dear Tom!' said Ruth. 'I suppose I ought to tell you +everything now. I should have no secrets from you. Should I, John, +love?' + +It is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her, +because he answered in a manner which is untranslatable on paper +though highly satisfactory in itself. But what he conveyed was, No +no no, sweet Ruth; or something to that effect. + +Then she told him Tom's great secret; not exactly saying how she had +found it out, but leaving him to understand it if he liked; and John +was sadly grieved to hear it, and was full of sympathy and sorrow. +But they would try, he said, only the more, on this account to make +him happy, and to beguile him with his favourite pursuits. And +then, in all the confidence of such a time, he told her how he had a +capital opportunity of establishing himself in his old profession in +the country; and how he had been thinking, in the event of that +happiness coming upon him which had actually come--there was another +slight diversion here--how he had been thinking that it would afford +occupation to Tom, and enable them to live together in the easiest +manner, without any sense of dependence on Tom's part; and to be as +happy as the day was long. And Ruth receiving this with joy, they +went on catering for Tom to that extent that they had already +purchased him a select library and built him an organ, on which he +was performing with the greatest satisfaction, when they heard him +knocking at the door. + +Though she longed to tell him what had happened, poor little Ruth +was greatly agitated by his arrival; the more so because she knew +that Mr Chuzzlewit was with him. So she said, all in a tremble: + +'What shall I do, dear John! I can't bear that he should hear it +from any one but me, and I could not tell him, unless we were +alone.' + +'Do, my love,' said John, 'whatever is natural to you on the impulse +of the moment, and I am sure it will be right.' + +He had hardly time to say thus much, and Ruth had hardly time to-- +just to get a little farther off--upon the sofa, when Tom and Mr +Chuzzlewit came in. Mr Chuzzlewit came first, and Tom was a few +seconds behind him. + +Now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs +after a short time, and would tell him in his little bedroom. But +when she saw his dear old face come in, her heart was so touched +that she ran into his arms, and laid her head down on his breast and +sobbed out, 'Bless me, Tom! My dearest brother!' + +Tom looked up, in surprise, and saw John Westlock close beside him, +holding out his hand. + +'John!' cried Tom. 'John!' + +'Dear Tom,' said his friend, 'give me your hand. We are brothers, +Tom.' + +Tom wrung it with all his force, embraced his sister fervently, and +put her in John Westlock's arms. + +'Don't speak to me, John. Heaven is very good to us. I--' Tom +could find no further utterance, but left the room; and Ruth went +after him. + +And when they came back, which they did by-and-bye, she looked more +beautiful, and Tom more good and true (if that were possible) than +ever. And though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now; +being yet too newly glad, he put both his hands in both of John's +with emphasis sufficient for the best speech ever spoken. + +'I am glad you chose to-day,' said Mr Chuzzlewit to John; with the +same knowing smile as when they had left him. 'I thought you would. +I hoped Tom and I lingered behind a discreet time. It's so long +since I had any practical knowledge of these subjects, that I have +been anxious, I assure you.' + +'Your knowledge is still pretty accurate, sir,' returned John, +laughing, 'if it led you to foresee what would happen to-day.' + +'Why, I am not sure, Mr Westlock,' said the old man, 'that any great +spirit of prophecy was needed, after seeing you and Ruth together. +Come hither, pretty one. See what Tom and I purchased this morning, +while you were dealing in exchange with that young merchant there.' + +The old man's way of seating her beside him, and humouring his voice +as if she were a child, was whimsical enough, but full of +tenderness, and not ill adapted, somehow, to little Ruth. + +'See here!' he said, taking a case from his pocket, 'what a +beautiful necklace. Ah! How it glitters! Earrings, too, and +bracelets, and a zone for your waist. This set is yours, and Mary +has another like it. Tom couldn't understand why I wanted two. +What a short-sighted Tom! Earrings and bracelets, and a zone for +your waist! Ah! Beautiful! Let us see how brave they look. +Ask Mr Westlock to clasp them on.' + +It was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round, white +arm; and John (oh deep, deep John!) pretending that the bracelet was +very hard to fasten; it was the prettiest thing to see her girding +on the precious little zone, and yet obliged to have assistance +because her fingers were in such terrible perplexity; it was the +prettiest thing to see her so confused and bashful, with the smiles +and blushes playing brightly on her face, like the sparkling light +upon the jewels; it was the prettiest thing that you would see, in +the common experiences of a twelvemonth, rely upon it. + +'The set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched,' said the old +man, 'that I don't know which becomes the other most. Mr Westlock +could tell me, I have no doubt, but I'll not ask him, for he is +bribed. Health to wear them, my dear, and happiness to make you +forgetful of them, except as a remembrance from a loving friend!' + +He patted her upon the cheek, and said to Tom: + +'I must play the part of a father here, Tom, also. There are not +many fathers who marry two such daughters on the same day; but we +will overlook the improbability for the gratification of an old +man's fancy. I may claim that much indulgence,' he added, 'for I +have gratified few fancies enough in my life tending to the +happiness of others, Heaven knows!' + +These various proceedings had occupied so much time, and they fell +into such a pleasant conversation now, that it was within a quarter +of an hour of the time appointed for dinner before any of them +thought about it. A hackney-coach soon carried them to the Temple, +however; and there they found everything prepared for their +reception, + +Mr Tapley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative +to the ordering of dinner, had so exerted himself for the honour of +the party, that a prodigious banquet was served, under the joint +direction of himself and his Intended. Mr Chuzzlewit would have had +them of the party, and Martin urgently seconded his wish, but Mark +could by no means be persuaded to sit down at table; observing, that +in having the honour of attending to their comforts, he felt +himself, indeed, the landlord of the Jolly Tapley, and could almost +delude himself into the belief that the entertainment was actually +being held under the Jolly Tapley's roof. + +For the better encouragement of himself in this fable, Mr Tapley +took it upon him to issue divers general directions to the waiters +from the hotel, relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth; +and as they were usually in direct opposition to all precedent, and +were always issued in his most facetious form of thought and speech, +they occasioned great merriment among those attendants; in which Mr +Tapley participated, with an infinite enjoyment of his own humour. +He likewise entertained them with short anecdotes of his travels +appropriate to the occasion; and now and then with some comic +passage or other between himself and Mrs Lupin; so that explosive +laughs were constantly issuing from the side-board, and from the +backs of chairs; and the head-waiter (who wore powder, and knee- +smalls, and was usually a grave man) got to be a bright scarlet in +the face, and broke his waistcoat-strings audibly. + +Young Martin sat at the head of the table, and Tom Pinch at the +foot; and if there were a genial face at that board, it was Tom's. +They all took their tone from Tom. Everybody drank to him, +everybody looked to him, everybody thought of him, everybody loved +him. If he so much as laid down his knife and fork, somebody put +out a hand to shake with him. Martin and Mary had taken him aside +before dinner, and spoken to him so heartily of the time to come, +laying such fervent stress upon the trust they had in his completion +of their felicity, by his society and closest friendship, that Tom +was positively moved to tears. He couldn't bear it. His heart was +full, he said, of happiness. And so it was. Tom spoke the honest +truth. It was. Large as thy heart was, dear Tom Pinch, it had no +room that day for anything but happiness and sympathy! + +And there was Fips, old Fips of Austin Friars, present at the +dinner, and turning out to be the jolliest old dog that ever did +violence to his convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a +dark office. 'Where is he?' said Fips, when he came in. And then +he pounced on Tom, and told him that he wanted to relieve himself of +all his old constraint; and in the first place shook him by one +hand, and in the second place shook him by the other, and in the +third place nudged him in the waistcoat, and in the fourth place +said, 'How are you?' and in a great many other places did a great +many other things to show his friendliness and joy. And he sang +songs, did Fips; and made speeches, did Fips; and knocked off his +wine pretty handsomely, did Fips; and in short, he showed himself a +perfect Trump, did Fips, in all respects. + +But ah! the happiness of strolling home at night--obstinate little +Ruth, she wouldn't hear of riding!--as they had done on that dear +night, from Furnival's Inn! The happiness of being able to talk +about it, and to confide their happiness to each other! The +happiness of stating all their little plans to Tom, and seeing his +bright face grow brighter as they spoke! + +When they reached home, Tom left John and his sister in the parlour, +and went upstairs into his own room, under pretence of seeking a +book. And Tom actually winked to himself when he got upstairs; he +thought it such a deep thing to have done. + +'They like to be by themselves, of course,' said Tom; 'and I came +away so naturally, that I have no doubt they are expecting me, every +moment, to return. That's capital!' + +But he had not sat reading very long, when he heard a tap at his +door. + +'May I come in?' said John. + +'Oh, surely!' Tom replied. + +'Don't leave us, Tom. Don't sit by yourself. We want to make you +merry; not melancholy.' + +'My dear friend,' said Tom, with a cheerful smile. + +'Brother, Tom. Brother.' + +'My dear brother,' said Tom; 'there is no danger of my being +melancholy, how can I be melancholy, when I know that you and Ruth +are so blest in each other! I think I can find my tongue tonight, +John,' he added, after a moment's pause. 'But I never can tell you +what unutterable joy this day has given me. It would be unjust to +you to speak of your having chosen a portionless girl, for I feel +that you know her worth; I am sure you know her worth. Nor will it +diminish in your estimation, John, which money might.' + +'Which money would, Tom,' he returned. 'Her worth! Oh, who could +see her here, and not love her! Who could know her, Tom, and not +honour her! Who could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers, +and grow indifferent to the treasure! Who could feel the rapture +that I feel to-day, and love as I love her, Tom, without knowing +something of her worth! Your joy unutterable! No, no, Tom. It's +mine, it's mine. + +'No, no, John,' said Tom. 'It's mine, it's mine.' + +Their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth +herself, who came peeping in at the door. And oh, the look, the +glorious, half-proud, half-timid look she gave Tom, when her lover +drew her to his side! As much as to say, 'Yes, indeed, Tom, he will +do it. But then he has a right, you know. Because I AM fond of +him, Tom.' + +As to Tom, he was perfectly delighted. He could have sat and looked +at them, just as they were, for hours. + +'I have told Tom, love, as we agreed, that we are not going to +permit him to run away, and that we cannot possibly allow it. The +loss of one person, and such a person as Tom, too, out of our small +household of three, is not to be endured; and so I have told him. +Whether he is considerate, or whether he is only selfish, I don't +know. But he needn't be considerate, for he is not the least +restraint upon us. Is he, dearest Ruth?' + +Well! He really did not seem to be any particular restraint upon +them. Judging from what ensued. + +Was it folly in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at +such a time? Was their graceful love a folly, were their dear +caresses follies, was their lengthened parting folly? Was it folly +in him to watch her window from the street, and rate its scantiest +gleam of light above all diamonds; folly in her to breathe his name +upon her knees, and pour out her pure heart before that Being from +whom such hearts and such affections come? + +If these be follies, then Fiery Face go on and prosper! If they be +not, then Fiery Face avaunt! But set the crunched bonnet at some +other single gentleman, in any case, for one is lost to thee for +ever! + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR + +GIVES THE AUTHOR GREAT CONCERN. FOR IT IS THE LAST IN THE BOOK + + +Todger's was in high feather, and mighty preparations for a late +breakfast were astir in its commercial bowers. The blissful morning +had arrived when Miss Pecksniff was to be united in holy matrimony, +to Augustus. + +Miss Pecksniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself +and the occasion. She was full of clemency and conciliation. She +had laid in several caldrons of live coals, and was prepared to +heap them on the heads of her enemies. She bore no spite nor malice +in her heart. Not the least. + +Quarrels, Miss Pecksniff said, were dreadful things in families; and +though she never could forgive her dear papa, she was willing to +receive her other relations. They had been separated, she observed, +too long. It was enough to call down a judgment upon the family. +She believed the death of Jonas WAS a judgment on them for their +internal dissensions. And Miss Pecksniff was confirmed in this +belief, by the lightness with which the visitation had fallen on +herself. + +By way of doing sacrifice--not in triumph; not, of course, in +triumph, but in humiliation of spirit--this amiable young person +wrote, therefore, to her kinswoman of the strong mind, and informed +her that her nuptials would take place on such a day. That she had +been much hurt by the unnatural conduct of herself and daughters, +and hoped they might not have suffered in their consciences. That, +being desirous to forgive her enemies, and make her peace with the +world before entering into the most solemn of covenants with the +most devoted of men, she now held out the hand of friendship. That +if the strong-minded women took that hand, in the temper in which it +was extended to her, she, Miss Pecksniff, did invite her to be +present at the ceremony of her marriage, and did furthermore invite +the three red-nosed spinsters, her daughters (but Miss Pecksniff did +not particularize their noses), to attend as bridesmaids. + +The strong-minded women returned for answer, that herself and +daughters were, as regarded their consciences, in the enjoyment of +robust health, which she knew Miss Pecksniff would be glad to hear. +That she had received Miss Pecksniff's note with unalloyed delight, +because she never had attached the least importance to the paltry +and insignificant jealousies with which herself and circle had been +assailed; otherwise than as she had found them, in the +contemplation, a harmless source of innocent mirth. That she would +joyfully attend Miss Pecksniff's bridal; and that her three dear +daughters would be happy to assist, on so interesting, and SO VERY +UNEXPECTED--which the strong-minded woman underlined--SO VERY +UNEXPECTED an occasion. + +On the receipt of this gracious reply, Miss Pecksniff extended her +forgiveness and her invitations to Mr and Mrs Spottletoe; to Mr +George Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin; to the solitary female who +usually had the toothache; and to the hairy young gentleman with +the outline of a face; surviving remnants of the party that had once +assembled in Mr Pecksniff's parlour. After which Miss Pecksniff +remarked that there was a sweetness in doing our duty, which +neutralized the bitter in our cups. + +The wedding guests had not yet assembled, and indeed it was so early +that Miss Pecksniff herself was in the act of dressing at her +leisure, when a carriage stopped near the Monument; and Mark, +dismounting from the rumble, assisted Mr Chuzzlewit to alight. The +carriage remained in waiting; so did Mr Tapley. Mr Chuzzlewit +betook himself to Todger's. + +He was shown, by the degenerate successor of Mr Bailey, into the +dining-parlour; where--for his visit was expected--Mrs Todgers +immediately appeared. + +'You are dressed, I see, for the wedding,' he said. + +Mrs Todgers, who was greatly flurried by the preparations, replied +in the affirmative. + +'It goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now, I assure +you, sir,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but Miss Pecksniff's mind was set upon +it, and it really is time that Miss Pecksniff was married. That +cannot be denied, sir.' + +'No,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'assuredly not. Her sister takes no part +in the proceedings?' + +'Oh, dear no, sir. Poor thing!' said Mrs Todgers, shaking her +head, and dropping her voice. 'Since she has known the worst, she +has never left my room; the next room.' + +'Is she prepared to see me?' he inquired. + +'Quite prepared, sir.' + +'Then let us lose no time.' + +Mrs Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding +the prospect of the cistern; and there, sadly different from when it +had first been her lodging, sat poor Merry, in mourning weeds. The +room looked very dark and sorrowful; and so did she; but she had one +friend beside her, faithful to the last. Old Chuffey. + +When Mr Chuzzlewit sat down at her side, she took his hand and put +it to her lips. She was in great grief. He too was agitated; for +he had not seen her since their parting in the churchyard. + +'I judged you hastily,' he said, in a low voice. 'I fear I judged +you cruelly. Let me know that I have your forgiveness.' + +She kissed his hand again; and retaining it in hers, thanked him in +a broken voice, for all his kindness to her since. + +'Tom Pinch,' said Martin, 'has faithfully related to me all that you +desired him to convey; at a time when he deemed it very improbable +that he would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message. +Believe me, that if I ever deal again with an ill-advised and +unawakened nature, hiding the strength it thinks its weakness, I will +have long and merciful consideration for it.' + +'You had for me; even for me,' she answered. 'I quite believe it. +I said the words you have repeated, when my distress was very sharp +and hard to bear; I say them now for others; but I cannot urge them +for myself. You spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day +by day. There was great consideration in that. You might have +spoken, perhaps, more kindly; you might have tried to invite my +confidence by greater gentleness; but the end would have been the +same.' + +He shook his head in doubt, and not without some inward self- +reproach. + +'How can I hope,' she said, 'that your interposition would have +prevailed with me, when I know how obdurate I was! I never thought +at all; dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I never thought at all; I had no +thought, no heart, no care to find one; at that time. It has grown +out of my trouble. I have felt it in my trouble. I wouldn't recall +my trouble such as it is and has been--and it is light in comparison +with trials which hundreds of good people suffer every day, I know-- +I wouldn't recall it to-morrow, if I could. It has been my friend, +for without it no one could have changed me; nothing could have +changed me. Do not mistrust me because of these tears; I cannot +help them. I am grateful for it, in my soul. Indeed I am!' + +'Indeed she is!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I believe it, sir.' + +'And so do I!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Now, attend to me, my dear. +Your late husband's estate, if not wasted by the confession of a +large debt to the broken office (which document, being useless to +the runaways, has been sent over to England by them; not so much for +the sake of the creditors as for the gratification of their dislike +to him, whom they suppose to be still living), will be seized upon +by law; for it is not exempt, as I learn, from the claims of those +who have suffered by the fraud in which he was engaged. Your +father's property was all, or nearly all, embarked in the same +transaction. If there be any left, it will be seized on, in like +manner. There is no home THERE.' + +'I couldn't return to him,' she said, with an instinctive reference +to his having forced her marriage on. 'I could not return to him.' + +'I know it,' Mr Chuzzlewit resumed; 'and I am here because I know +it. Come with me! From all who are about me, you are certain (I +have ascertained it) of a generous welcome. But until your health +is re-established, and you are sufficiently composed to bear that +welcome, you shall have your abode in any quiet retreat of your own +choosing, near London; not so far removed but that this kind-hearted +lady may still visit you as often as she pleases. You have suffered +much; but you are young, and have a brighter and a better future +stretching out before you. Come with me. Your sister is careless +of you, I know. She hurries on and publishes her marriage, in a +spirit which (to say no more of it) is barely decent, is unsisterly, +and bad. Leave the house before her guests arrive. She means to +give you pain. Spare her the offence, and come with me!' + +Mrs Todgers, though most unwilling to part with her, added her +persuasions. Even poor old Chuffey (of course included in the +project) added his. She hurriedly attired herself, and was ready to +depart, when Miss Pecksniff dashed into the room. + +Miss Pecksniff dashed in so suddenly, that she was placed in an +embarrassing position. For though she had completed her bridal +toilette as to her head, on which she wore a bridal bonnet with +orange flowers, she had not completed it as to her skirts, which +displayed no choicer decoration than a dimity bedgown. She had +dashed in, in fact, about half-way through, to console her sister, +in her affliction, with a sight of the aforesaid bonnet; and being +quite unconscious of the presence of a visitor, until she found Mr +Chuzzlewit standing face to face with her, her surprise was an +uncomfortable one. + +'So, young lady!' said the old man, eyeing her with strong +disfavour. 'You are to be married to-day!' + +'Yes, sir,' returned Miss Pecksniff, modestly. 'I am. I--my dress +is rather--really, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Your delicacy,' said old Martin, 'is troubled, I perceive. I am +not surprised to find it so. You have chosen the period of your +marriage unfortunately.' + +'I beg your pardon, Mr Chuzzlewit,' retorted Cherry; very red and +angry in a moment; 'but if you have anything to say on that subject, +I must beg to refer you to Augustus. You will scarcely think it +manly, I hope, to force an argument on me, when Augustus is at all +times ready to discuss it with you. I have nothing to do with any +deceptions that may have been practiced on my parent,' said Miss +Pecksniff, pointedly; 'and as I wish to be on good terms with +everybody at such a time, I should have been glad if you would have +favoured us with your company at breakfast. But I will not ask you +as it is; seeing that you have been prepossessed and set against me +in another quarter. I hope I have my natural affections for another +quarter, and my natural pity for another quarter; but I cannot +always submit to be subservient to it, Mr Chuzzlewit. That would be +a little too much. I trust I have more respect for myself, as well +as for the man who claims me as his Bride.' + +'Your sister, meeting--as I think; not as she says, for she has said +nothing about it--with little consideration from you, is going away +with me,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last,' +returned Miss Pecksniff, tossing her head. 'I congratulate her, I +am sure. I am not surprised that this event should be painful to +her--painful to her--but I can't help that, Mr Chuzzlewit. It's +not my fault.' + +'Come, Miss Pecksniff!' said the old man, quietly. 'I should like +to see a better parting between you. I should like to see a better +parting on your side, in such circumstances. It would make me your +friend. You may want a friend one day or other.' + +'Every relation of life, Mr Chuzzlewit, begging your pardon; and +every friend in life,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with dignity, 'is +now bound up and cemented in Augustus. So long as Augustus is my +own, I cannot want a friend. When you speak of friends, sir, I must +beg, once for all, to refer you to Augustus. That is my impression +of the religious ceremony in which I am so soon to take a part at +that altar to which Augustus will conduct me. I bear no malice at +any time, much less in a moment of triumph, towards any one; much +less towards my sister. On the contrary, I congratulate her. If +you didn't hear me say so, I am not to blame. And as I owe it to +Augustus, to be punctual on an occasion when he may naturally be +supposed to be--to be impatient--really, Mrs Todgers!--I must beg +your leave, sir, to retire.' + + After these words the bridal bonnet disappeared; with as much state +as the dimity bedgown left in it. + +Old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking; and +led her out. Mrs Todgers, with her holiday garments fluttering in +the wind, accompanied them to the carriage, clung round Merry's neck +at parting, and ran back to her own dingy house, crying the whole +way. She had a lean, lank body, Mrs Todgers, but a well-conditioned +soul within. Perhaps the good Samaritan was lean and lank, and +found it hard to live. Who knows! + +Mr Chuzzlewit followed her so closely with his eyes, that, until she +had shut her own door, they did not encounter Mr Tapley's face. + +'Why, Mark!' he said, as soon as he observed it, 'what's the +matter?' + +'The wonderfulest ewent, sir!' returned Mark, pumping at his voice +in a most laborious manner, and hardly able to articulate with all +his efforts. 'A coincidence as never was equalled! I'm blessed if +here ain't two old neighbours of ourn, sir!' + +'What neighbours?' cried old Martin, looking out of window. +'Where?' + +'I was a-walkin' up and down not five yards from this spot,' said Mr +Tapley, breathless, 'and they come upon me like their own ghosts, as +I thought they was! It's the wonderfulest ewent that ever happened. +Bring a feather, somebody, and knock me down with it!' + +'What do you mean!' exclaimed old Martin, quite as much excited by +the spectacle of Mark's excitement as that strange person was +himself. 'Neighbours, where?' + +'Here, sir!' replied Mr Tapley. 'Here in the city of London! Here +upon these very stones! Here they are, sir! Don't I know 'em? Lord +love their welcome faces, don't I know 'em!' + +With which ejaculations Mr Tapley not only pointed to a decent- +looking man and woman standing by, but commenced embracing them +alternately, over and over again, in Monument Yard. + +'Neighbours, WHERE? old Martin shouted; almost maddened by his +ineffectual efforts to get out at the coach-door. + +'Neighbours in America! Neighbours in Eden!' cried Mark. +'Neighbours in the swamp, neighbours in the bush, neighbours in the +fever. Didn't she nurse us! Didn't he help us! Shouldn't we both +have died without 'em! Haven't they come a-strugglin' back, without +a single child for their consolation! And talk to me of neighbours!' + +Away he went again, in a perfectly wild state, hugging them, and +skipping round them, and cutting in between them, as if he were +performing some frantic and outlandish dance. + +Mr Chuzzlewit no sooner gathered who these people were, than he +burst open the coach-door somehow or other, and came tumbling out +among them; and as if the lunacy of Mr Tapley were contagious, he +immediately began to shake hands too, and exhibit every demonstration +of the liveliest joy. + +'Get up, behind!' he said. 'Get up in the rumble. Come along with +me! Go you on the box, Mark. Home! Home!' + +'Home!' cried Mr Tapley, seizing the old man's hand in a burst of +enthusiasm. 'Exactly my opinion, sir. Home for ever! Excuse the +liberty, sir, I can't help it. Success to the Jolly Tapley! There's +nothin' in the house they shan't have for the askin' for, except a +bill. Home to be sure! Hurrah!' + +Home they rolled accordingly, when he had got the old man in again, +as fast as they could go; Mark abating nothing of his fervour by the +way, by allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had +been on Salisbury Plain. + +And now the wedding party began to assemble at Todgers's. Mr +Jinkins, the only boarder invited, was on the ground first. He wore +a white favour in his button-hole, and a bran new extra super +double-milled blue saxony dress coat (that was its description in the +bill), with a variety of tortuous embellishments about the pockets, +invented by the artist to do honour to the day. The miserable +Augustus no longer felt strongly even on the subject of Jinkins. He +hadn't strength of mind enough to do it. 'Let him come!' he had +said, in answer to Miss Pecksniff, when she urged the point. 'Let +him come! He has ever been my rock ahead through life. 'Tis meet he +should be there. Ha, ha! Oh, yes! let Jinkins come!' + +Jinkins had come with all the pleasure in life, and there he was. +For some few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast, which +was set forth in the drawing-room, with unusual taste and ceremony. +But Mrs Todgers soon joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy +young gentleman, and Mr and Mrs Spottletoe, arrived in quick +succession. + +Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. 'Glad to +know you, sir,' he said. 'Give you joy!' Under the impression that +Jinkins was the happy man. + +Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his +friend Moddle, who had ceased to reside in the house, and had not +yet arrived. + +'Not arrived, sir!' exclaimed Spottletoe, in a great heat. + +'Not yet,' said Mr Jinkins. + +'Upon my soul!' cried Spottletoe. 'He begins well! Upon my life and +honour this young man begins well! But I should very much like to +know how it is that every one who comes into contact with this +family is guilty of some gross insult to it. Death! Not arrived +yet. Not here to receive us!' + +The nephew with the outline of a countenance, suggested that perhaps +he had ordered a new pair of boots, and they hadn't come home. + +'Don't talk to me of Boots, sir!' retorted Spottletoe, with immense +indignation. 'He is bound to come here in his slippers then; he is +bound to come here barefoot. Don't offer such a wretched and +evasive plea to me on behalf of your friend, as Boots, sir.' + +'He is not MY friend,' said the nephew. 'I never saw him.' + +'Very well, sir,' returned the fiery Spottletoe. 'Then don't talk +to me!' + +The door was thrown open at this juncture, and Miss Pecksniff +entered, tottering, and supported by her three bridesmaids. The +strong-minded woman brought up the rear; having waited outside until +now, for the purpose of spoiling the effect. + +'How do you do, ma'am!' said Spottletoe to the strong-minded woman +in a tone of defiance. 'I believe you see Mrs Spottletoe, ma'am?' + +The strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs +Spottletoe's health, regretted that she was not more easily seen. +Nature erring, in that lady's case, upon the slim side. + +'Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom, +ma'am,' returned that lady's husband. 'That is, unless he has +confined his attentions to any particular part or branch of this +family, which would be quite in keeping with its usual proceedings.' + +'If you allude to me, sir--' the strong-minded woman began. + +'Pray,' interposed Miss Pecksniff, 'do not allow Augustus, at this +awful moment of his life and mine, to be the means of disturbing +that harmony which it is ever Augustus's and my wish to maintain. +Augustus has not been introduced to any of my relations now present. +He preferred not.' + +'Why, then, I venture to assert,' cried Mr Spottletoe, 'that the man +who aspires to join this family, and "prefers not" to be introduced +to its members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of +HIM!' + +The strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was +afraid he must be. Her three daughters observed aloud that it was +'Shameful!' + +'You do not know Augustus,' said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, 'indeed +you do not know him. Augustus is all mildness and humility. Wait +till you see Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your +affections.' + +'The question arises,' said Spottletoe, folding his arms: 'How long +we are to wait. I am not accustomed to wait; that's the fact. And +I want to know how long we are expected to wait.' + +'Mrs Todgers!' said Charity, 'Mr Jinkins! I am afraid there must be +some mistake. I think Augustus must have gone straight to the +Altar!' + +As such a thing was possible, and the church was close at hand, Mr +Jinkins ran off to see, accompanied by Mr George Chuzzlewit the +bachelor cousin, who preferred anything to the aggravation of +sitting near the breakfast, without being able to eat it. But they +came back with no other tidings than a familiar message from the +clerk, importing that if they wanted to be married that morning they +had better look sharp, as the curate wasn't going to wait there all +day. + +The bride was now alarmed; seriously alarmed. Good Heavens, what +could have happened! Augustus! Dear Augustus! + +Mr Jinkins volunteered to take a cab, and seek him at the newly- +furnished house. The strong-minded woman administered comfort to +Miss Pecksniff. 'It was a specimen of what she had to expect. It +would do her good. It would dispel the romance of the affair.' The +red-nosed daughters also administered the kindest comfort. 'Perhaps +he'd come,' they said. The sketchy nephew hinted that he might have +fallen off a bridge. The wrath of Mr Spottletoe resisted all the +entreaties of his wife. Everybody spoke at once, and Miss +Pecksniff, with clasped hands, sought consolation everywhere and +found it nowhere, when Jinkins, having met the postman at the door, +came back with a letter, which he put into her hand. + +Miss Pecksniff opened it, uttered a piercing shriek, threw it down +upon the ground, and fainted away. + +They picked it up; and crowding round, and looking over one +another's shoulders, read, in the words and dashes following, this +communication: + + +'OFF GRAVESEND. + +'CLIPPER SCHOONER, CUPID + +'Wednesday night + +'EVER INJURED MISS PECKSNIFF--Ere this reaches you, the undersigned +will be--if not a corpse--on the way to Van Dieman's Land. Send +not in pursuit. I never will be taken alive! + +'The burden--300 tons per register--forgive, if in my distraction, I +allude to the ship--on my mind--has been truly dreadful. Frequently +--when you have sought to soothe my brow with kisses--has self- +destruction flashed across me. Frequently--incredible as it may +seem--have I abandoned the idea. + +'I love another. She is Another's. Everything appears to be +somebody else's. Nothing in the world is mine--not even my +Situation--which I have forfeited--by my rash conduct--in running +away. + +'If you ever loved me, hear my last appeal! The last appeal of a +miserable and blighted exile. Forward the inclosed--it is the key +of my desk--to the office--by hand. Please address to Bobbs and +Cholberry--I mean to Chobbs and Bolberry--but my mind is totally +unhinged. I left a penknife--with a buckhorn handle--in your +work-box. It will repay the messenger. May it make him happier than +ever it did me! + +'Oh, Miss Pecksniff, why didn't you leave me alone! Was it not +cruel, CRUEL! Oh, my goodness, have you not been a witness of my +feelings--have you not seen them flowing from my eyes--did you not, +yourself, reproach me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful +night when last we met--in that house--where I once was peaceful-- +though blighted--in the society of Mrs Todgers! + +'But it was written--in the Talmud--that you should involve yourself +in the inscrutable and gloomy Fate which it is my mission to +accomplish, and which wreathes itself--e'en now--about in temples. +I will not reproach, for I have wronged you. May the Furniture make +some amends! + +'Farewell! Be the proud bride of a ducal coronet, and forget me! +Long may it be before you know the anguish with which I now +subscribe myself--amid the tempestuous howlings of the--sailors, + +'Unalterably, + +'Never yours, + +'AUGUSTUS.' + + +They thought as little of Miss Pecksniff, while they greedily +perused this letter, as if she were the very last person on earth +whom it concerned. But Miss Pecksniff really had fainted away. The +bitterness of her mortification; the bitterness of having summoned +witnesses, and such witnesses, to behold it; the bitterness of +knowing that the strong-minded women and the red-nosed daughters +towered triumphant in this hour of their anticipated overthrow; was +too much to be borne. Miss Pecksniff had fainted away in earnest. + + +What sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear! What +darkening room is this! + +And that mild figure seated at an organ, who is he! Ah Tom, dear +Tom, old friend! + +Thy head is prematurely grey, though Time has passed thee and our +old association, Tom. But, in those sounds with which it is thy +wont to bear the twilight company, the music of thy heart speaks +out--the story of thy life relates itself. + +Thy life is tranquil, calm, and happy, Tom. In the soft strain +which ever and again comes stealing back upon the ear, the memory of +thine old love may find a voice perhaps; but it is a pleasant, +softened, whispering memory, like that in which we sometimes hold +the dead, and does not pain or grieve thee, God be thanked. + +Touch the notes lightly, Tom, as lightly as thou wilt, but never +will thine hand fall half so lightly on that Instrument as on the +head of thine old tyrant brought down very, very low; and never will +it make as hollow a response to any touch of thine, as he does +always. + +For a drunken, begging, squalid, letter-writing man, called Pecksniff, +with a shrewish daughter, haunts thee, Tom; and when he makes +appeals to thee for cash, reminds thee that he built thy fortunes +better than his own; and when he spends it, entertains the alehouse +company with tales of thine ingratitude and his munificence towards +thee once upon a time; and then he shows his elbows worn in holes, +and puts his soleless shoes up on a bench, and begs his auditors +look there, while thou art comfortably housed and clothed. All +known to thee, and yet all borne with, Tom! + +So, with a smile upon thy face, thou passest gently to another +measure--to a quicker and more joyful one--and little feet are used +to dance about thee at the sound, and bright young eyes to glance up +into thine. And there is one slight creature, Tom--her child; not +Ruth's--whom thine eyes follow in the romp and dance; who, wondering +sometimes to see thee look so thoughtful, runs to climb up on thy +knee, and put her cheek to thine; who loves thee, Tom, above the +rest, if that can be; and falling sick once, chose thee for her +nurse, and never knew impatience, Tom, when thou wert by her side. + +Thou glidest, now, into a graver air; an air devoted to old friends +and bygone times; and in thy lingering touch upon the keys, and the +rich swelling of the mellow harmony, they rise before thee. The +spirit of that old man dead, who delighted to anticipate thy wants, +and never ceased to honour thee, is there, among the rest; +repeating, with a face composed and calm, the words he said to thee +upon his bed, and blessing thee! + +And coming from a garden, Tom, bestrewn with flowers by children's +hands, thy sister, little Ruth, as light of foot and heart as in old +days, sits down beside thee. From the Present, and the Past, with +which she is so tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts, thy strain +soars onward to the Future. As it resounds within thee and without, +the noble music, rolling round ye both, shuts out the grosser +prospect of an earthly parting, and uplifts ye both to Heaven! + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Martin Chuzzlewit by Dickens + + |