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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:19 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:19 -0700 |
| commit | bea7f0b964a2c3adb4d6ad7944f1ce0bd128a275 (patch) | |
| tree | 38a5c3999ac3819263aaecce02c5667dd3da8ef9 /968-h | |
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diff --git a/968-h/968-h.htm b/968-h/968-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c557b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/968-h/968-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,45125 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit, by Charles Dickens + </title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} + .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} + .indent15 { margin-left: 15%;} + .indent20 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} + span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 } + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + --> +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit, by +Charles Dickens + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit + +Author: Charles Dickens + +Release Date: April 27, 2006 [EBook #968] +Last Updated: September 25, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT *** + + + + +Produced by Donald Lainson; David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + LIFE AND ADVENTURES <br /> OF MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT + </h1> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + by Charles Dickens + </h2> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20012m.jpg" alt="20012m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20012.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20013m.jpg" alt="20013m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20013.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20041m.jpg" alt="20041m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20041.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> POSTSCRIPT </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER ONE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER TWO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER THREE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER FOUR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER FIVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER SIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER SEVEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER EIGHT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER NINE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER TEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> CHAPTER ELEVEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0012"> CHAPTER TWELVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0013"> CHAPTER THIRTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0014"> CHAPTER FOURTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0015"> CHAPTER FIFTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0016"> CHAPTER SIXTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0017"> CHAPTER SEVENTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0018"> CHAPTER EIGHTEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0019"> CHAPTER NINETEEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0020"> CHAPTER TWENTY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0021"> CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0022"> CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0023"> CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0024"> CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0025"> CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0026"> CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0027"> CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0028"> CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0029"> CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0030"> CHAPTER THIRTY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0031"> CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0032"> CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0033"> CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0034"> CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0035"> CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0036"> CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0037"> CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0038"> CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0039"> CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0040"> CHAPTER FORTY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0041"> CHAPTER FORTY-ONE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0042"> CHAPTER FORTY-TWO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0043"> CHAPTER FORTY-THREE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0044"> CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0045"> CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0046"> CHAPTER FORTY-SIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0047"> CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0048"> CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0049"> CHAPTER FORTY-NINE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0050"> CHAPTER FIFTY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0051"> CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0052"> CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0053"> CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0054"> CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + PREFACE + </h2> + <p> + What is exaggeration to one class of minds and perceptions, is plain truth + to another. That which is commonly called a long-sight, perceives in a + prospect innumerable features and bearings non-existent to a short-sighted + person. I sometimes ask myself whether there may occasionally be a + difference of this kind between some writers and some readers; whether it + is <i>always</i> the writer who colours highly, or whether it is now and then the + reader whose eye for colour is a little dull? + </p> + <p> + On this head of exaggeration I have a positive experience, more curious + than the speculation I have just set down. It is this: I have never + touched a character precisely from the life, but some counterpart of that + character has incredulously asked me: “Now really, did I ever really, see + one like it?” + </p> + <p> + All the Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, that Mr + Pecksniff is an exaggeration, and that no such character ever existed. I + will not offer any plea on his behalf to so powerful and genteel a body, + but will make a remark on the character of Jonas Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + I conceive that the sordid coarseness and brutality of Jonas would be + unnatural, if there had been nothing in his early education, and in the + precept and example always before him, to engender and develop the vices + that make him odious. But, so born and so bred, admired for that which + made him hateful, and justified from his cradle in cunning, treachery, and + avarice; I claim him as the legitimate issue of the father upon whom those + vices are seen to recoil. And I submit that their recoil upon that old + man, in his unhonoured age, is not a mere piece of poetical justice, but + is the extreme exposition of a direct truth. + </p> + <p> + I make this comment, and solicit the reader’s attention to it in his or + her consideration of this tale, because nothing is more common in real + life than a want of profitable reflection on the causes of many vices and + crimes that awaken the general horror. What is substantially true of + families in this respect, is true of a whole commonwealth. As we sow, we + reap. Let the reader go into the children’s side of any prison in England, + or, I grieve to add, of many workhouses, and judge whether those are + monsters who disgrace our streets, people our hulks and penitentiaries, + and overcrowd our penal colonies, or are creatures whom we have + deliberately suffered to be bred for misery and ruin. + </p> + <p> + The American portion of this story is in no other respect a caricature + than as it is an exhibition, for the most part (Mr Bevan expected), of a + ludicrous side, <i>only</i>, of the American character—of that side which + was, four-and-twenty years ago, from its nature, the most obtrusive, and + the most likely to be seen by such travellers as Young Martin and Mark + Tapley. As I had never, in writing fiction, had any disposition to soften + what is ridiculous or wrong at home, so I then hoped that the good-humored + people of the United States would not be generally disposed to quarrel + with me for carrying the same usage abroad. I am happy to believe that my + confidence in that great nation was not misplaced. + </p> + <p> + When this book was first published, I was given to understand, by some + authorities, that the Watertoast Association and eloquence were beyond all + bounds of belief. Therefore I record the fact that all that portion of + Martin Chuzzlewit’s experiences is a literal paraphrase of some reports of + public proceedings in the United States (especially of the proceedings of + a certain Brandywine Association), which were printed in the Times + Newspaper in June and July, 1843—at about the time when I was + engaged in writing those parts of the book; and which remain on the file + of the Times Newspaper, of course. + </p> + <p> + In all my writings, I hope I have taken every available opportunity of + showing the want of sanitary improvements in the neglected dwellings of + the poor. Mrs Sarah Gamp was, four-and-twenty years ago, a fair + representation of the hired attendant on the poor in sickness. The + hospitals of London were, in many respects, noble Institutions; in others, + very defective. I think it not the least among the instances of their + mismanagement, that Mrs Betsey Prig was a fair specimen of a Hospital + Nurse; and that the Hospitals, with their means and funds, should have + left it to private humanity and enterprise, to enter on an attempt to + improve that class of persons—since, greatly improved through the + agency of good women. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + POSTSCRIPT + </h2> + <p> + At a Public Dinner given to me on Saturday the 18th of April, 1868, in the + city of New York, by two hundred representatives of the Press of the + United States of America, I made the following observations, among others:— + </p> + <p> + “So much of my voice has lately been heard in the land, that I might have + been contented with troubling you no further from my present + standing-point, were it not a duty with which I henceforth charge myself, + not only here but on every suitable occasion, whatsoever and wheresoever, + to express my high and grateful sense of my second reception in America, + and to bear my honest testimony to the national generosity and + magnanimity. Also, to declare how astounded I have been by the amazing + changes I have seen around me on every side—changes moral, changes + physical, changes in the amount of land subdued and peopled, changes in + the rise of vast new cities, changes in the growth of older cities almost + out of recognition, changes in the graces and amenities of life, changes + in the Press, without whose advancement no advancement can take place + anywhere. Nor am I, believe me, so arrogant as to suppose that in + five-and-twenty years there have been no changes in me, and that I had + nothing to learn and no extreme impressions to correct when I was here + first. And this brings me to a point on which I have, ever since I landed + in the United States last November, observed a strict silence, though + sometimes tempted to break it, but in reference to which I will, with your + good leave, take you into my confidence now. Even the Press, being human, + may be sometimes mistaken or misinformed, and I rather think that I have + in one or two rare instances observed its information to be not strictly + accurate with reference to myself. Indeed, I have, now and again, been + more surprised by printed news that I have read of myself, than by any + printed news that I have ever read in my present state of existence. Thus, + the vigour and perseverance with which I have for some months past been + collecting materials for, and hammering away at, a new book on America has + much astonished me; seeing that all that time my declaration has been + perfectly well known to my publishers on both sides of the Atlantic, that + no consideration on earth would induce me to write one. But what I have + intended, what I have resolved upon (and this is the confidence I seek to + place in you), is, on my return to England, in my own person, in my own + Journal, to bear, for the behoof of my countrymen, such testimony to the + gigantic changes in this country as I have hinted at to-night. Also, to + record that wherever I have been, in the smallest places equally with the + largest, I have been received with unsurpassable politeness, delicacy, + sweet temper, hospitality, consideration, and with unsurpassable respect + for the privacy daily enforced upon me by the nature of my avocation here + and the state of my health. This testimony, so long as I live, and so long + as my descendants have any legal right in my books, I shall cause to be + republished, as an appendix to every copy of those two books of mine in + which I have referred to America. And this I will do and cause to be done, + not in mere love and thankfulness, but because I regard it as an act of + plain justice and honour.” + </p> + <p> + I said these words with the greatest earnestness that I could lay upon + them, and I repeat them in print here with equal earnestness. So long as + this book shall last, I hope that they will form a part of it, and will be + fairly read as inseparable from my experiences and impressions of America. + </p> + <p> + CHARLES DICKENS. + </p> + <p> + May, 1868. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER ONE + </h2> + <h3> + INTRODUCTORY, CONCERNING THE PEDIGREE OF THE CHUZZLEWIT FAMILY + </h3> + <p> + As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can possibly + sympathize with the Chuzzlewit Family without being first assured of the + extreme antiquity of the race, it is a great satisfaction to know that it + undoubtedly descended in a direct line from Adam and Eve; and was, in the + very earliest times, closely connected with the agricultural interest. If + it should ever be urged by grudging and malicious persons, that a + Chuzzlewit, in any period of the family history, displayed an overweening + amount of family pride, surely the weakness will be considered not only + pardonable but laudable, when the immense superiority of the house to the + rest of mankind, in respect of this its ancient origin, is taken into + account. + </p> + <p> + It is remarkable that as there was, in the oldest family of which we have + any record, a murderer and a vagabond, so we never fail to meet, in the + records of all old families, with innumerable repetitions of the same + phase of character. Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, + that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence + and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a + wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered + fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation + of the Quality of this land. + </p> + <p> + Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness to + find, that in various periods of our history, the Chuzzlewits were + actively connected with divers slaughterous conspiracies and bloody frays. + It is further recorded of them, that being clad from head to heel in steel + of proof, they did on many occasions lead their leather-jerkined soldiers + to the death with invincible courage, and afterwards return home + gracefully to their relations and friends. + </p> + <p> + There can be no doubt that at least one Chuzzlewit came over with William + the Conqueror. It does not appear that this illustrious ancestor ‘came + over’ that monarch, to employ the vulgar phrase, at any subsequent period; + inasmuch as the Family do not seem to have been ever greatly distinguished + by the possession of landed estate. And it is well known that for the + bestowal of that kind of property upon his favourites, the liberality and + gratitude of the Norman were as remarkable as those virtues are usually + found to be in great men when they give away what belongs to other people. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself upon + the enormous amount of bravery, wisdom, eloquence, virtue, gentle birth, + and true nobility, that appears to have come into England with the Norman + Invasion: an amount which the genealogy of every ancient family lends its + aid to swell, and which would beyond all question have been found to be + just as great, and to the full as prolific in giving birth to long lines + of chivalrous descendants, boastful of their origin, even though William + the Conqueror had been William the Conquered; a change of circumstances + which, it is quite certain, would have made no manner of difference in + this respect. + </p> + <p> + There was unquestionably a Chuzzlewit in the Gunpowder Plot, if indeed the + arch-traitor, Fawkes himself, were not a scion of this remarkable stock; + as he might easily have been, supposing another Chuzzlewit to have + emigrated to Spain in the previous generation, and there intermarried with + a Spanish lady, by whom he had issue, one olive-complexioned son. This + probable conjecture is strengthened, if not absolutely confirmed, by a + fact which cannot fail to be interesting to those who are curious in + tracing the progress of hereditary tastes through the lives of their + unconscious inheritors. It is a notable circumstance that in these later + times, many Chuzzlewits, being unsuccessful in other pursuits, have, + without the smallest rational hope of enriching themselves, or any + conceivable reason, set up as coal-merchants; and have, month after month, + continued gloomily to watch a small stock of coals, without in any one + instance negotiating with a purchaser. The remarkable similarity between + this course of proceeding and that adopted by their Great Ancestor beneath + the vaults of the Parliament House at Westminster, is too obvious and too + full of interest, to stand in need of comment. + </p> + <p> + It is also clearly proved by the oral traditions of the Family, that there + existed, at some one period of its history which is not distinctly stated, + a matron of such destructive principles, and so familiarized to the use + and composition of inflammatory and combustible engines, that she was + called ‘The Match Maker;’ by which nickname and byword she is recognized + in the Family legends to this day. Surely there can be no reasonable doubt + that this was the Spanish lady, the mother of Chuzzlewit Fawkes. + </p> + <p> + But there is one other piece of evidence, bearing immediate reference to + their close connection with this memorable event in English History, which + must carry conviction, even to a mind (if such a mind there be) remaining + unconvinced by these presumptive proofs. + </p> + <p> + There was, within a few years, in the possession of a highly respectable + and in every way credible and unimpeachable member of the Chuzzlewit + Family (for his bitterest enemy never dared to hint at his being otherwise + than a wealthy man), a dark lantern of undoubted antiquity; rendered still + more interesting by being, in shape and pattern, extremely like such as + are in use at the present day. Now this gentleman, since deceased, was at + all times ready to make oath, and did again and again set forth upon his + solemn asseveration, that he had frequently heard his grandmother say, + when contemplating this venerable relic, ‘Aye, aye! This was carried by my + fourth son on the fifth of November, when he was a Guy Fawkes.’ These + remarkable words wrought (as well they might) a strong impression on his + mind, and he was in the habit of repeating them very often. The just + interpretation which they bear, and the conclusion to which they lead, are + triumphant and irresistible. The old lady, naturally strong-minded, was + nevertheless frail and fading; she was notoriously subject to that + confusion of ideas, or, to say the least, of speech, to which age and + garrulity are liable. The slight, the very slight, confusion apparent in + these expressions is manifest, and is ludicrously easy of correction. + ‘Aye, aye,’ quoth she, and it will be observed that no emendation whatever + is necessary to be made in these two initiative remarks, ‘Aye, aye! This + lantern was carried by my forefather’—not fourth son, which is + preposterous—‘on the fifth of November. And <i>he</i> was Guy Fawkes.’ Here + we have a remark at once consistent, clear, natural, and in strict + accordance with the character of the speaker. Indeed the anecdote is so + plainly susceptible of this meaning and no other, that it would be hardly + worth recording in its original state, were it not a proof of what may be + (and very often is) affected not only in historical prose but in + imaginative poetry, by the exercise of a little ingenious labour on the + part of a commentator. + </p> + <p> + It has been said that there is no instance, in modern times, of a + Chuzzlewit having been found on terms of intimacy with the Great. But here + again the sneering detractors who weave such miserable figments from their + malicious brains, are stricken dumb by evidence. For letters are yet in + the possession of various branches of the family, from which it distinctly + appears, being stated in so many words, that one Diggory Chuzzlewit was in + the habit of perpetually dining with Duke Humphrey. So constantly was he a + guest at that nobleman’s table, indeed; and so unceasingly were His + Grace’s hospitality and companionship forced, as it were, upon him; that + we find him uneasy, and full of constraint and reluctance; writing his + friends to the effect that if they fail to do so and so by bearer, he will + have no choice but to dine again with Duke Humphrey; and expressing + himself in a very marked and extraordinary manner as one surfeited of High + Life and Gracious Company. + </p> + <p> + It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumour originated in + the same base quarters, that a certain male Chuzzlewit, whose birth must + be admitted to be involved in some obscurity, was of very mean and low + descent. How stands the proof? When the son of that individual, to whom + the secret of his father’s birth was supposed to have been communicated by + his father in his lifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was put + to him in a distinct, solemn, and formal way: ‘Toby Chuzzlewit, who was + your grandfather?’ To which he, with his last breath, no less distinctly, + solemnly, and formally replied: and his words were taken down at the time, + and signed by six witnesses, each with his name and address in full: ‘The + Lord No Zoo.’ It may be said—it <i>has </i>been said, for human wickedness + has no limits—that there is no Lord of that name, and that among the + titles which have become extinct, none at all resembling this, in sound + even, is to be discovered. But what is the irresistible inference? + Rejecting a theory broached by some well-meaning but mistaken persons, + that this Mr Toby Chuzzlewit’s grandfather, to judge from his name, must + surely have been a Mandarin (which is wholly insupportable, for there is + no pretence of his grandmother ever having been out of this country, or of + any Mandarin having been in it within some years of his father’s birth; + except those in the tea-shops, which cannot for a moment be regarded as + having any bearing on the question, one way or other), rejecting this + hypothesis, is it not manifest that Mr Toby Chuzzlewit had either received + the name imperfectly from his father, or that he had forgotten it, or that + he had mispronounced it? and that even at the recent period in question, + the Chuzzlewits were connected by a bend sinister, or kind of heraldic + over-the-left, with some unknown noble and illustrious House? + </p> + <p> + From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is + clearly established that in the comparatively modern days of the Diggory + Chuzzlewit before mentioned, one of its members had attained to very great + wealth and influence. Throughout such fragments of his correspondence as + have escaped the ravages of the moths (who, in right of their extensive + absorption of the contents of deeds and papers, may be called the general + registers of the Insect World), we find him making constant reference to + an uncle, in respect of whom he would seem to have entertained great + expectations, as he was in the habit of seeking to propitiate his favour + by presents of plate, jewels, books, watches, and other valuable articles. + Thus, he writes on one occasion to his brother in reference to a + gravy-spoon, the brother’s property, which he (Diggory) would appear to + have borrowed or otherwise possessed himself of: ‘Do not be angry, I have + parted with it—to my uncle.’ On another occasion he expresses + himself in a similar manner with regard to a child’s mug which had been + entrusted to him to get repaired. On another occasion he says, ‘I have + bestowed upon that irresistible uncle of mine everything I ever + possessed.’ And that he was in the habit of paying long and constant + visits to this gentleman at his mansion, if, indeed, he did not wholly + reside there, is manifest from the following sentence: ‘With the exception + of the suit of clothes I carry about with me, the whole of my wearing + apparel is at present at my uncle’s.’ This gentleman’s patronage and + influence must have been very extensive, for his nephew writes, ‘His + interest is too high’—‘It is too much’—‘It is tremendous’—and + the like. Still it does not appear (which is strange) to have procured for + him any lucrative post at court or elsewhere, or to have conferred upon + him any other distinction than that which was necessarily included in the + countenance of so great a man, and the being invited by him to certain + entertainment’s, so splendid and costly in their nature, that he calls + them ‘Golden Balls.’ + </p> + <p> + It is needless to multiply instances of the high and lofty station, and + the vast importance of the Chuzzlewits, at different periods. If it came + within the scope of reasonable probability that further proofs were + required, they might be heaped upon each other until they formed an Alps + of testimony, beneath which the boldest scepticism should be crushed and + beaten flat. As a goodly tumulus is already collected, and decently + battened up above the Family grave, the present chapter is content to + leave it as it is: merely adding, by way of a final spadeful, that many + Chuzzlewits, both male and female, are proved to demonstration, on the + faith of letters written by their own mothers, to have had chiselled + noses, undeniable chins, forms that might have served the sculptor for a + model, exquisitely-turned limbs and polished foreheads of so transparent a + texture that the blue veins might be seen branching off in various + directions, like so many roads on an ethereal map. This fact in itself, + though it had been a solitary one, would have utterly settled and clenched + the business in hand; for it is well known, on the authority of all the + books which treat of such matters, that every one of these phenomena, but + especially that of the chiselling, are invariably peculiar to, and only + make themselves apparent in, persons of the very best condition. + </p> + <p> + This history having, to its own perfect satisfaction, (and, consequently, + to the full contentment of all its readers,) proved the Chuzzlewits to + have had an origin, and to have been at one time or other of an importance + which cannot fail to render them highly improving and acceptable + acquaintance to all right-minded individuals, may now proceed in earnest + with its task. And having shown that they must have had, by reason of + their ancient birth, a pretty large share in the foundation and increase + of the human family, it will one day become its province to submit, that + such of its members as shall be introduced in these pages, have still many + counterparts and prototypes in the Great World about us. At present it + contents itself with remarking, in a general way, on this head: Firstly, + that it may be safely asserted, and yet without implying any direct + participation in the Manboddo doctrine touching the probability of the + human race having once been monkeys, that men do play very strange and + extraordinary tricks. Secondly, and yet without trenching on the + Blumenbach theory as to the descendants of Adam having a vast number of + qualities which belong more particularly to swine than to any other class + of animals in the creation, that some men certainly are remarkable for + taking uncommon good care of themselves. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWO + </h2> + <p> + WHEREIN CERTAIN PERSONS ARE PRESENTED TO THE READER, WITH WHOM HE MAY, IF + HE PLEASE, BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED + </p> + <p> + It was pretty late in the autumn of the year, when the declining sun + struggling through the mist which had obscured it all day, looked brightly + down upon a little Wiltshire village, within an easy journey of the fair + old town of Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + Like a sudden flash of memory or spirit kindling up the mind of an old + man, it shed a glory upon the scene, in which its departed youth and + freshness seemed to live again. The wet grass sparkled in the light; the + scanty patches of verdure in the hedges—where a few green twigs yet + stood together bravely, resisting to the last the tyranny of nipping winds + and early frosts—took heart and brightened up; the stream which had + been dull and sullen all day long, broke out into a cheerful smile; the + birds began to chirp and twitter on the naked boughs, as though the + hopeful creatures half believed that winter had gone by, and spring had + come already. The vane upon the tapering spire of the old church glistened + from its lofty station in sympathy with the general gladness; and from the + ivy-shaded windows such gleams of light shone back upon the glowing sky, + that it seemed as if the quiet buildings were the hoarding-place of twenty + summers, and all their ruddiness and warmth were stored within. + </p> + <p> + Even those tokens of the season which emphatically whispered of the coming + winter, graced the landscape, and, for the moment, tinged its livelier + features with no oppressive air of sadness. The fallen leaves, with which + the ground was strewn, gave forth a pleasant fragrance, and subduing all + harsh sounds of distant feet and wheels created a repose in gentle unison + with the light scattering of seed hither and thither by the distant + husbandman, and with the noiseless passage of the plough as it turned up + the rich brown earth, and wrought a graceful pattern in the stubbled + fields. On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like + clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were + jewels; others stripped of all their garniture, stood, each the centre of + its little heap of bright red leaves, watching their slow decay; others + again, still wearing theirs, had them all crunched and crackled up, as + though they had been burnt; about the stems of some were piled, in ruddy + mounds, the apples they had borne that year; while others (hardy + evergreens this class) showed somewhat stern and gloomy in their vigour, + as charged by nature with the admonition that it is not to her more + sensitive and joyous favourites she grants the longest term of life. Still + athwart their darker boughs, the sunbeams struck out paths of deeper gold; + and the red light, mantling in among their swarthy branches, used them as + foils to set its brightness off, and aid the lustre of the dying day. + </p> + <p> + A moment, and its glory was no more. The sun went down beneath the long + dark lines of hill and cloud which piled up in the west an airy city, wall + heaped on wall, and battlement on battlement; the light was all withdrawn; + the shining church turned cold and dark; the stream forgot to smile; the + birds were silent; and the gloom of winter dwelt on everything. + </p> + <p> + An evening wind uprose too, and the slighter branches cracked and rattled + as they moved, in skeleton dances, to its moaning music. The withering + leaves no longer quiet, hurried to and fro in search of shelter from its + chill pursuit; the labourer unyoked his horses, and with head bent down, + trudged briskly home beside them; and from the cottage windows lights + began to glance and wink upon the darkening fields. + </p> + <p> + Then the village forge came out in all its bright importance. The lusty + bellows roared Ha ha! to the clear fire, which roared in turn, and bade + the shining sparks dance gayly to the merry clinking of the hammers on the + anvil. The gleaming iron, in its emulation, sparkled too, and shed its + red-hot gems around profusely. The strong smith and his men dealt such + strokes upon their work, as made even the melancholy night rejoice, and + brought a glow into its dark face as it hovered about the door and + windows, peeping curiously in above the shoulders of a dozen loungers. As + to this idle company, there they stood, spellbound by the place, and, + casting now and then a glance upon the darkness in their rear, settled + their lazy elbows more at ease upon the sill, and leaned a little further + in: no more disposed to tear themselves away than if they had been born to + cluster round the blazing hearth like so many crickets. + </p> + <p> + Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round the + merry forge, banging at the wicket, and grumbling in the chimney, as if it + bullied the jolly bellows for doing anything to order. And what an + impotent swaggerer it was too, for all its noise; for if it had any + influence on that hoarse companion, it was but to make him roar his + cheerful song the louder, and by consequence to make the fire burn the + brighter, and the sparks to dance more gayly yet; at length, they whizzed + so madly round and round, that it was too much for such a surly wind to + bear; so off it flew with a howl giving the old sign before the ale-house + door such a cuff as it went, that the Blue Dragon was more rampant than + usual ever afterwards, and indeed, before Christmas, reared clean out of + its crazy frame. + </p> + <p> + It was small tyranny for a respectable wind to go wreaking its vengeance + on such poor creatures as the fallen leaves, but this wind happening to + come up with a great heap of them just after venting its humour on the + insulted Dragon, did so disperse and scatter them that they fled away, + pell-mell, some here, some there, rolling over each other, whirling round + and round upon their thin edges, taking frantic flights into the air, and + playing all manner of extraordinary gambols in the extremity of their + distress. Nor was this enough for its malicious fury; for not content with + driving them abroad, it charged small parties of them and hunted them into + the wheel wright’s saw-pit, and below the planks and timbers in the yard, + and, scattering the sawdust in the air, it looked for them underneath, and + when it did meet with any, whew! how it drove them on and followed at + their heels! + </p> + <p> + The scared leaves only flew the faster for all this, and a giddy chase it + was; for they got into unfrequented places, where there was no outlet, and + where their pursuer kept them eddying round and round at his pleasure; and + they crept under the eaves of houses, and clung tightly to the sides of + hay-ricks, like bats; and tore in at open chamber windows, and cowered + close to hedges; and, in short, went anywhere for safety. But the oddest + feat they achieved was, to take advantage of the sudden opening of Mr + Pecksniff’s front-door, to dash wildly into his passage; whither the wind + following close upon them, and finding the back-door open, incontinently + blew out the lighted candle held by Miss Pecksniff, and slammed the + front-door against Mr Pecksniff who was at that moment entering, with such + violence, that in the twinkling of an eye he lay on his back at the bottom + of the steps. Being by this time weary of such trifling performances, the + boisterous rover hurried away rejoicing, roaring over moor and meadow, + hill and flat, until it got out to sea, where it met with other winds + similarly disposed, and made a night of it. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in the + bottom step but one, that sort of knock on the head which lights up, for + the patient’s entertainment, an imaginary general illumination of very + bright short-sixes, lay placidly staring at his own street door. And it + would seem to have been more suggestive in its aspect than street doors + usually are; for he continued to lie there, rather a lengthy and + unreasonable time, without so much as wondering whether he was hurt or no; + neither, when Miss Pecksniff inquired through the key-hole in a shrill + voice, which might have belonged to a wind in its teens, ‘Who’s there’ did + he make any reply; nor, when Miss Pecksniff opened the door again, and + shading the candle with her hand, peered out, and looked provokingly round + him, and about him, and over him, and everywhere but at him, did he offer + any remark, or indicate in any manner the least hint of a desire to be + picked up. + </p> + <p> + ‘I see you,’ cried Miss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a runaway + knock. ‘You’ll catch it, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + Still Mr Pecksniff, perhaps from having caught it already, said nothing. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re round the corner now,’ cried Miss Pecksniff. She said it at a + venture, but there was appropriate matter in it too; for Mr Pecksniff, + being in the act of extinguishing the candles before mentioned pretty + rapidly, and of reducing the number of brass knobs on his street door from + four or five hundred (which had previously been juggling of their own + accord before his eyes in a very novel manner) to a dozen or so, might in + one sense have been said to be coming round the corner, and just turning + it. + </p> + <p> + With a sharply delivered warning relative to the cage and the constable, + and the stocks and the gallows, Miss Pecksniff was about to close the door + again, when Mr Pecksniff (being still at the bottom of the steps) raised + himself on one elbow, and sneezed. + </p> + <p> + ‘That voice!’ cried Miss Pecksniff. ‘My parent!’ + </p> + <p> + At this exclamation, another Miss Pecksniff bounced out of the parlour; + and the two Miss Pecksniffs, with many incoherent expressions, dragged Mr + Pecksniff into an upright posture. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pa!’ they cried in concert. ‘Pa! Speak, Pa! Do not look so wild my + dearest Pa!’ + </p> + <p> + But as a gentleman’s looks, in such a case of all others, are by no means + under his own control, Mr Pecksniff continued to keep his mouth and his + eyes very wide open, and to drop his lower jaw, somewhat after the manner + of a toy nut-cracker; and as his hat had fallen off, and his face was + pale, and his hair erect, and his coat muddy, the spectacle he presented + was so very doleful, that neither of the Miss Pecksniffs could repress an + involuntary screech. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’ll do,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘I’m better.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s come to himself!’ cried the youngest Miss Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘He speaks again!’ exclaimed the eldest. + </p> + <p> + With these joyful words they kissed Mr Pecksniff on either cheek; and bore + him into the house. Presently, the youngest Miss Pecksniff ran out again + to pick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his umbrella, his gloves, and + other small articles; and that done, and the door closed, both young + ladies applied themselves to tending Mr Pecksniff’s wounds in the back + parlour. + </p> + <p> + They were not very serious in their nature; being limited to abrasions on + what the eldest Miss Pecksniff called ‘the knobby parts’ of her parent’s + anatomy, such as his knees and elbows, and to the development of an + entirely new organ, unknown to phrenologists, on the back of his head. + These injuries having been comforted externally, with patches of pickled + brown paper, and Mr Pecksniff having been comforted internally, with some + stiff brandy-and-water, the eldest Miss Pecksniff sat down to make the + tea, which was all ready. In the meantime the youngest Miss Pecksniff + brought from the kitchen a smoking dish of ham and eggs, and, setting the + same before her father, took up her station on a low stool at his feet; + thereby bringing her eyes on a level with the teaboard. + </p> + <p> + It must not be inferred from this position of humility, that the youngest + Miss Pecksniff was so young as to be, as one may say, forced to sit upon a + stool, by reason of the shortness of her legs. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a + stool because of her simplicity and innocence, which were very great, very + great. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a stool because she was all girlishness, + and playfulness, and wildness, and kittenish buoyancy. She was the most + arch and at the same time the most artless creature, was the youngest Miss + Pecksniff, that you can possibly imagine. It was her great charm. She was + too fresh and guileless, and too full of child-like vivacity, was the + youngest Miss Pecksniff, to wear combs in her hair, or to turn it up, or + to frizzle it, or braid it. She wore it in a crop, a loosely flowing crop, + which had so many rows of curls in it, that the top row was only one curl. + Moderately buxom was her shape, and quite womanly too; but sometimes—yes, + sometimes—she even wore a pinafore; and how charming <i>that </i>was! Oh! + she was indeed ‘a gushing thing’ (as a young gentleman had observed in + verse, in the Poet’s Corner of a provincial newspaper), was the youngest + Miss Pecksniff! + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was a moral man—a grave man, a man of noble sentiments + and speech—and he had had her christened Mercy. Mercy! oh, what a + charming name for such a pure-souled Being as the youngest Miss Pecksniff! + Her sister’s name was Charity. There was a good thing! Mercy and Charity! + And Charity, with her fine strong sense and her mild, yet not reproachful + gravity, was so well named, and did so well set off and illustrate her + sister! What a pleasant sight was that the contrast they presented; to see + each loved and loving one sympathizing with, and devoted to, and leaning + on, and yet correcting and counter-checking, and, as it were, antidoting, + the other! To behold each damsel in her very admiration of her sister, + setting up in business for herself on an entirely different principle, and + announcing no connection with over-the-way, and if the quality of goods at + that establishment don’t please you, you are respectfully invited to + favour <i>me</i> with a call! And the crowning circumstance of the whole + delightful catalogue was, that both the fair creatures were so utterly + unconscious of all this! They had no idea of it. They no more thought or + dreamed of it than Mr Pecksniff did. Nature played them off against each + other; <i>they </i>had no hand in it, the two Miss Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + It has been remarked that Mr Pecksniff was a moral man. So he was. Perhaps + there never was a more moral man than Mr Pecksniff, especially in his + conversation and correspondence. It was once said of him by a homely + admirer, that he had a Fortunatus’s purse of good sentiments in his + inside. In this particular he was like the girl in the fairy tale, except + that if they were not actual diamonds which fell from his lips, they were + the very brightest paste, and shone prodigiously. He was a most exemplary + man; fuller of virtuous precept than a copy book. Some people likened him + to a direction-post, which is always telling the way to a place, and never + goes there; but these were his enemies, the shadows cast by his + brightness; that was all. His very throat was moral. You saw a good deal + of it. You looked over a very low fence of white cravat (whereof no man + had ever beheld the tie for he fastened it behind), and there it lay, a + valley between two jutting heights of collar, serene and whiskerless + before you. It seemed to say, on the part of Mr Pecksniff, ‘There is no + deception, ladies and gentlemen, all is peace, a holy calm pervades me.’ + So did his hair, just grizzled with an iron-grey which was all brushed off + his forehead, and stood bolt upright, or slightly drooped in kindred + action with his heavy eyelids. So did his person, which was sleek though + free from corpulency. So did his manner, which was soft and oily. In a + word, even his plain black suit, and state of widower and dangling double + eye-glass, all tended to the same purpose, and cried aloud, ‘Behold the + moral Pecksniff!’ + </p> + <p> + The brazen plate upon the door (which being Mr Pecksniff’s, could not lie) + bore this inscription, ‘PECKSNIFF, ARCHITECT,’ to which Mr Pecksniff, on + his cards of business, added, AND LAND SURVEYOR.’ In one sense, and only + one, he may be said to have been a Land Surveyor on a pretty large scale, + as an extensive prospect lay stretched out before the windows of his + house. Of his architectural doings, nothing was clearly known, except that + he had never designed or built anything; but it was generally understood + that his knowledge of the science was almost awful in its profundity. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff’s professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not + entirely, confined to the reception of pupils; for the collection of + rents, with which pursuit he occasionally varied and relieved his graver + toils, can hardly be said to be a strictly architectural employment. His + genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians, and pocketing premiums. A + young gentleman’s premium being paid, and the young gentleman come to Mr + Pecksniff’s house, Mr Pecksniff borrowed his case of mathematical + instruments (if silver-mounted or otherwise valuable); entreated him, from + that moment, to consider himself one of the family; complimented him + highly on his parents or guardians, as the case might be; and turned him + loose in a spacious room on the two-pair front; where, in the company of + certain drawing-boards, parallel rulers, very stiff-legged compasses, and + two, or perhaps three, other young gentlemen, he improved himself, for + three or five years, according to his articles, in making elevations of + Salisbury Cathedral from every possible point of sight; and in + constructing in the air a vast quantity of Castles, Houses of Parliament, + and other Public Buildings. Perhaps in no place in the world were so many + gorgeous edifices of this class erected as under Mr Pecksniff’s auspices; + and if but one-twentieth part of the churches which were built in that + front room, with one or other of the Miss Pecksniffs at the altar in the + act of marrying the architect, could only be made available by the + parliamentary commissioners, no more churches would be wanted for at least + five centuries. + </p> + <p> + ‘Even the worldly goods of which we have just disposed,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, glancing round the table when he had finished, ‘even cream, + sugar, tea, toast, ham—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And eggs,’ suggested Charity in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘And eggs,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘even they have their moral. See how they + come and go! Every pleasure is transitory. We can’t even eat, long. If we + indulge in harmless fluids, we get the dropsy; if in exciting liquids, we + get drunk. What a soothing reflection is that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t say <i>we</i> get drunk, Pa,’ urged the eldest Miss Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I say we, my dear,’ returned her father, ‘I mean mankind in general; + the human race, considered as a body, and not as individuals. There is + nothing personal in morality, my love. Even such a thing as this,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, laying the fore-finger of his left hand upon the brown paper + patch on the top of his head, ‘slight casual baldness though it be, + reminds us that we are but’—he was going to say ‘worms,’ but + recollecting that worms were not remarkable for heads of hair, he + substituted ‘flesh and blood.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which,’ cried Mr Pecksniff after a pause, during which he seemed to have + been casting about for a new moral, and not quite successfully, ‘which is + also very soothing. Mercy, my dear, stir the fire and throw up the + cinders.’ + </p> + <p> + The young lady obeyed, and having done so, resumed her stool, reposed one + arm upon her father’s knee, and laid her blooming cheek upon it. Miss + Charity drew her chair nearer the fire, as one prepared for conversation, + and looked towards her father. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Mr Pecksniff, after a short pause, during which he had been + silently smiling, and shaking his head at the fire—‘I have again + been fortunate in the attainment of my object. A new inmate will very + shortly come among us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A youth, papa?’ asked Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ye-es, a youth,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘He will avail himself of the + eligible opportunity which now offers, for uniting the advantages of the + best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and + the constant association with some who (however humble their sphere, and + limited their capacity) are not unmindful of their moral + responsibilities.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh Pa!’ cried Mercy, holding up her finger archly. ‘See advertisement!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Playful—playful warbler,’ said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed in + connection with his calling his daughter a ‘warbler,’ that she was not at + all vocal, but that Mr Pecksniff was in the frequent habit of using any + word that occurred to him as having a good sound, and rounding a sentence + well without much care for its meaning. And he did this so boldly, and in + such an imposing manner, that he would sometimes stagger the wisest people + with his eloquence, and make them gasp again. + </p> + <p> + His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in sounds and + forms was the master-key to Mr Pecksniff’s character. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he handsome, Pa?’ inquired the younger daughter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Silly Merry!’ said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. ‘What is the + premium, Pa? tell us that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, good gracious, Cherry!’ cried Miss Mercy, holding up her hands with + the most winning giggle in the world, ‘what a mercenary girl you are! oh + you naughty, thoughtful, prudent thing!’ + </p> + <p> + It was perfectly charming, and worthy of the Pastoral age, to see how the + two Miss Pecksniffs slapped each other after this, and then subsided into + an embrace expressive of their different dispositions. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is well looking,’ said Mr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; ‘well + looking enough. I do not positively expect any immediate premium with + him.’ + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding their different natures, both Charity and Mercy concurred + in opening their eyes uncommonly wide at this announcement, and in looking + for the moment as blank as if their thoughts had actually had a direct + bearing on the main chance. + </p> + <p> + ‘But what of that!’ said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. ‘There + is disinterestedness in the world, I hope? We are not all arrayed in two + opposite ranks; the <i>of</i>fensive and the <i>de</i>fensive. Some few there are who + walk between; who help the needy as they go; and take no part with either + side. Umph!’ + </p> + <p> + There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured the + sisters. They exchanged glances, and brightened very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! let us not be for ever calculating, devising, and plotting for the + future,’ said Mr Pecksniff, smiling more and more, and looking at the fire + as a man might, who was cracking a joke with it: ‘I am weary of such arts. + If our inclinations are but good and open-hearted, let us gratify them + boldly, though they bring upon us Loss instead of Profit. Eh, Charity?’ + </p> + <p> + Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun these + reflections, and seeing that they both smiled, Mr Pecksniff eyed them for + an instant so jocosely (though still with a kind of saintly waggishness) + that the younger one was moved to sit upon his knee forthwith, put her + fair arms round his neck, and kiss him twenty times. During the whole of + this affectionate display she laughed to a most immoderate extent: in + which hilarious indulgence even the prudent Cherry joined. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut,’ said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latest-born away and running + his fingers through his hair, as he resumed his tranquil face. ‘What folly + is this! Let us take heed how we laugh without reason lest we cry with it. + What is the domestic news since yesterday? John Westlock is gone, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, no,’ said Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘And why not?’ returned her father. ‘His term expired yesterday. And his + box was packed, I know; for I saw it, in the morning, standing in the + hall.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He slept last night at the Dragon,’ returned the young lady, ‘and had Mr + Pinch to dine with him. They spent the evening together, and Mr Pinch was + not home till very late.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And when I saw him on the stairs this morning, Pa,’ said Mercy with her + usual sprightliness, ‘he looked, oh goodness, <i>such </i>a monster! with his + face all manner of colours, and his eyes as dull as if they had been + boiled, and his head aching dreadfully, I am sure from the look of it, and + his clothes smelling, oh it’s impossible to say how strong, oh’—here + the young lady shuddered—‘of smoke and punch.’ + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20059m.jpg" alt="20059m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20059.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + + <p> + ‘Now I think,’ said Mr Pecksniff with his accustomed gentleness, though + still with the air of one who suffered under injury without complaint, ‘I + think Mr Pinch might have done better than choose for his companion one + who, at the close of a long intercourse, had endeavoured, as he knew, to + wound my feelings. I am not quite sure that this was delicate in Mr Pinch. + I am not quite sure that this was kind in Mr Pinch. I will go further and + say, I am not quite sure that this was even ordinarily grateful in Mr + Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But what can anyone expect from Mr Pinch!’ cried Charity, with as strong + and scornful an emphasis on the name as if it would have given her + unspeakable pleasure to express it, in an acted charade, on the calf of + that gentleman’s leg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye,’ returned her father, raising his hand mildly: ‘it is very well + to say what can we expect from Mr Pinch, but Mr Pinch is a + fellow-creature, my dear; Mr Pinch is an item in the vast total of + humanity, my love; and we have a right, it is our duty, to expect in Mr + Pinch some development of those better qualities, the possession of which + in our own persons inspires our humble self-respect. No,’ continued Mr + Pecksniff. ‘No! Heaven forbid that I should say, nothing can be expected + from Mr Pinch; or that I should say, nothing can be expected from any man + alive (even the most degraded, which Mr Pinch is not, no, really); but Mr + Pinch has disappointed me; he has hurt me; I think a little the worse of + him on this account, but not if human nature. Oh, no, no!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hark!’ said Miss Charity, holding up her finger, as a gentle rap was + heard at the street door. ‘There is the creature! Now mark my words, he + has come back with John Westlock for his box, and is going to help him to + take it to the mail. Only mark my words, if that isn’t his intention!’ + </p> + <p> + Even as she spoke, the box appeared to be in progress of conveyance from + the house, but after a brief murmuring of question and answer, it was put + down again, and somebody knocked at the parlour door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come in!’ cried Mr Pecksniff—not severely; only virtuously. ‘Come + in!’ + </p> + <p> + An ungainly, awkward-looking man, extremely short-sighted, and prematurely + bald, availed himself of this permission; and seeing that Mr Pecksniff sat + with his back towards him, gazing at the fire, stood hesitating, with the + door in his hand. He was far from handsome certainly; and was drest in a + snuff-coloured suit, of an uncouth make at the best, which, being shrunk + with long wear, was twisted and tortured into all kinds of odd shapes; but + notwithstanding his attire, and his clumsy figure, which a great stoop in + his shoulders, and a ludicrous habit he had of thrusting his head forward, + by no means redeemed, one would not have been disposed (unless Mr + Pecksniff said so) to consider him a bad fellow by any means. He was + perhaps about thirty, but he might have been almost any age between + sixteen and sixty; being one of those strange creatures who never decline + into an ancient appearance, but look their oldest when they are very + young, and get it over at once. + </p> + <p> + Keeping his hand upon the lock of the door, he glanced from Mr Pecksniff + to Mercy, from Mercy to Charity, and from Charity to Mr Pecksniff again, + several times; but the young ladies being as intent upon the fire as their + father was, and neither of the three taking any notice of him, he was fain + to say, at last, + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I beg your pardon, Mr Pecksniff: I beg your pardon for intruding; but—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No intrusion, Mr Pinch,’ said that gentleman very sweetly, but without + looking round. ‘Pray be seated, Mr Pinch. Have the goodness to shut the + door, Mr Pinch, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly, sir,’ said Pinch; not doing so, however, but holding it rather + wider open than before, and beckoning nervously to somebody without: ‘Mr + Westlock, sir, hearing that you were come home—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch, Mr Pinch!’ said Pecksniff, wheeling his chair about, and + looking at him with an aspect of the deepest melancholy, ‘I did not expect + this from you. I have not deserved this from you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, but upon my word, sir—’ urged Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘The less you say, Mr Pinch,’ interposed the other, ‘the better. I utter + no complaint. Make no defence.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, but do have the goodness, sir,’ cried Pinch, with great earnestness, + ‘if you please. Mr Westlock, sir, going away for good and all, wishes to + leave none but friends behind him. Mr Westlock and you, sir, had a little + difference the other day; you have had many little differences.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Little differences!’ cried Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Little differences!’ echoed Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘My loves!’ said Mr Pecksniff, with the same serene upraising of his hand; + ‘My dears!’ After a solemn pause he meekly bowed to Mr Pinch, as who + should say, ‘Proceed;’ but Mr Pinch was so very much at a loss how to + resume, and looked so helplessly at the two Miss Pecksniffs, that the + conversation would most probably have terminated there, if a good-looking + youth, newly arrived at man’s estate, had not stepped forward from the + doorway and taken up the thread of the discourse. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, Mr Pecksniff,’ he said, with a smile, ‘don’t let there be any + ill-blood between us, pray. I am sorry we have ever differed, and + extremely sorry I have ever given you offence. Bear me no ill-will at + parting, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I bear,’ answered Mr Pecksniff, mildly, ‘no ill-will to any man on + earth.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I told you he didn’t,’ said Pinch, in an undertone; ‘I knew he didn’t! He + always says he don’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then you will shake hands, sir?’ cried Westlock, advancing a step or two, + and bespeaking Mr Pinch’s close attention by a glance. + </p> + <p> + ‘Umph!’ said Mr Pecksniff, in his most winning tone. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will shake hands, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, John,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a calmness quite ethereal; ‘no, I will + not shake hands, John. I have forgiven you. I had already forgiven you, + even before you ceased to reproach and taunt me. I have embraced you in + the spirit, John, which is better than shaking hands.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pinch,’ said the youth, turning towards him, with a hearty disgust of his + late master, ‘what did I tell you?’ + </p> + <p> + Poor Pinch looked down uneasily at Mr Pecksniff, whose eye was fixed upon + him as it had been from the first; and looking up at the ceiling again, + made no reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘As to your forgiveness, Mr Pecksniff,’ said the youth, ‘I’ll not have it + upon such terms. I won’t be forgiven.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Won’t you, John?’ retorted Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. ‘You must. You + can’t help it. Forgiveness is a high quality; an exalted virtue; far above + <i>your </i>control or influence, John. I <i>will </i>forgive you. You cannot move me to + remember any wrong you have ever done me, John.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wrong!’ cried the other, with all the heat and impetuosity of his age. + ‘Here’s a pretty fellow! Wrong! Wrong I have done him! He’ll not even + remember the five hundred pounds he had with me under false pretences; or + the seventy pounds a year for board and lodging that would have been dear + at seventeen! Here’s a martyr!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Money, John,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘is the root of all evil. I grieve to + see that it is already bearing evil fruit in you. But I will not remember + its existence. I will not even remember the conduct of that misguided + person’—and here, although he spoke like one at peace with all the + world, he used an emphasis that plainly said “I have my eye upon the + rascal now”—‘that misguided person who has brought you here + to-night, seeking to disturb (it is a happiness to say, in vain) the + heart’s repose and peace of one who would have shed his dearest blood to + serve him.’ + </p> + <p> + The voice of Mr Pecksniff trembled as he spoke, and sobs were heard from + his daughters. Sounds floated on the air, moreover, as if two spirit + voices had exclaimed: one, ‘Beast!’ the other, ‘Savage!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Forgiveness,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘entire and pure forgiveness is not + incompatible with a wounded heart; perchance when the heart is wounded, it + becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung and grieved to its + inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I am proud and glad to say + that I forgive him. Nay! I beg,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, raising his voice, as + Pinch appeared about to speak, ‘I beg that individual not to offer a + remark; he will truly oblige me by not uttering one word, just now. I am + not sure that I am equal to the trial. In a very short space of time, I + shall have sufficient fortitude, I trust to converse with him as if these + events had never happened. But not,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning round + again towards the fire, and waving his hand in the direction of the door, + ‘not now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bah!’ cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain the + monosyllable is capable of expressing. ‘Ladies, good evening. Come, Pinch, + it’s not worth thinking of. I was right and you were wrong. That’s small + matter; you’ll be wiser another time.’ + </p> + <p> + So saying, he clapped that dejected companion on the shoulder, turned upon + his heel, and walked out into the passage, whither poor Mr Pinch, after + lingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few seconds, expressing in his + countenance the deepest mental misery and gloom followed him. Then they + took up the box between them, and sallied out to meet the mail. + </p> + <p> + That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at some + distance; towards which point they bent their steps. For some minutes they + walked along in silence, until at length young Westlock burst into a loud + laugh, and at intervals into another, and another. Still there was no + response from his companion. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll tell you what, Pinch!’ he said abruptly, after another lengthened + silence—‘You haven’t half enough of the devil in you. Half enough! + You haven’t any.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Pinch with a sigh, ‘I don’t know, I’m sure. It’s compliment + to say so. If I haven’t, I suppose, I’m all the better for it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All the better!’ repeated his companion tartly: ‘All the worse, you mean + to say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And yet,’ said Pinch, pursuing his own thoughts and not this last remark + on the part of his friend, ‘I must have a good deal of what you call the + devil in me, too, or how could I make Pecksniff so uncomfortable? I + wouldn’t have occasioned him so much distress—don’t laugh, please—for + a mine of money; and Heaven knows I could find good use for it too, John. + How grieved he was!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>He</i> grieved!’ returned the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why didn’t you observe that the tears were almost starting out of his + eyes!’ cried Pinch. ‘Bless my soul, John, is it nothing to see a man moved + to that extent and know one’s self to be the cause! And did you hear him + say that he could have shed his blood for me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you <i>want </i>any blood shed for you?’ returned his friend, with + considerable irritation. ‘Does he shed anything for you that you <i>do</i> want? + Does he shed employment for you, instruction for you, pocket money for + you? Does he shed even legs of mutton for you in any decent proportion to + potatoes and garden stuff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid,’ said Pinch, sighing again, ‘that I am a great eater; I + can’t disguise from myself that I’m a great eater. Now, you know that, + John.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You a great eater!’ retorted his companion, with no less indignation than + before. ‘How do you know you are?’ + </p> + <p> + There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch only + repeated in an undertone that he had a strong misgiving on the subject, + and that he greatly feared he was. + </p> + <p> + ‘Besides, whether I am or no,’ he added, ‘that has little or nothing to do + with his thinking me ungrateful. John, there is scarcely a sin in the + world that is in my eyes such a crying one as ingratitude; and when he + taxes me with that, and believes me to be guilty of it, he makes me + miserable and wretched.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you think he don’t know that?’ returned the other scornfully. ‘But + come, Pinch, before I say anything more to you, just run over the reasons + you have for being grateful to him at all, will you? Change hands first, + for the box is heavy. That’ll do. Now, go on.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the first place,’ said Pinch, ‘he took me as his pupil for much less + than he asked.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of + generosity. ‘What in the second place?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What in the second place?’ cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, ‘why, + everything in the second place. My poor old grandmother died happy to + think that she had put me with such an excellent man. I have grown up in + his house, I am in his confidence, I am his assistant, he allows me a + salary; when his business improves, my prospects are to improve too. All + this, and a great deal more, is in the second place. And in the very + prologue and preface to the first place, John, you must consider this, + which nobody knows better than I: that I was born for much plainer and + poorer things, that I am not a good hand for his kind of business, and + have no talent for it, or indeed for anything else but odds and ends that + are of no use or service to anybody.’ + </p> + <p> + He said this with so much earnestness, and in a tone so full of feeling, + that his companion instinctively changed his manner as he sat down on the + box (they had by this time reached the finger-post at the end of the + lane); motioned him to sit down beside him; and laid his hand upon his + shoulder. + </p> + <p> + ‘I believe you are one of the best fellows in the world,’ he said, ‘Tom + Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all,’ rejoined Tom. ‘If you only knew Pecksniff as well as I do, + you might say it of him, indeed, and say it truly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll say anything of him, you like,’ returned the other, ‘and not another + word to his disparagement.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,’ said Pinch, shaking his + head gravely. + </p> + <p> + ‘For whose you please, Tom, so that it does please you. Oh! He’s a famous + fellow! <i>he</i> never scraped and clawed into his pouch all your poor + grandmother’s hard savings—she was a housekeeper, wasn’t she, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Mr Pinch, nursing one of his large knees, and nodding his + head; ‘a gentleman’s housekeeper.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>He</i> never scraped and clawed into his pouch all her hard savings; dazzling + her with prospects of your happiness and advancement, which he knew (and + no man better) never would be realised! <i>He</i> never speculated and traded on + her pride in you, and her having educated you, and on her desire that you + at least should live to be a gentleman. Not he, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tom, looking into his friend’s face, as if he were a little + doubtful of his meaning. ‘Of course not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So I say,’ returned the youth, ‘of course he never did. <i>He</i> didn’t take + less than he had asked, because that less was all she had, and more than + he expected; not he, Tom! He doesn’t keep you as his assistant because you + are of any use to him; because your wonderful faith in his pretensions is + of inestimable service in all his mean disputes; because your honesty + reflects honesty on him; because your wandering about this little place + all your spare hours, reading in ancient books and foreign tongues, gets + noised abroad, even as far as Salisbury, making of him, Pecksniff the + master, a man of learning and of vast importance. <i>He</i> gets no credit from + you, Tom, not he.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, of course he don’t,’ said Pinch, gazing at his friend with a more + troubled aspect than before. ‘Pecksniff get credit from me! Well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t I say that it’s ridiculous,’ rejoined the other, ‘even to think of + such a thing?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it’s madness,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Madness!’ returned young Westlock. ‘Certainly it’s madness. Who but a + madman would suppose he cares to hear it said on Sundays, that the + volunteer who plays the organ in the church, and practises on summer + evenings in the dark, is Mr Pecksniff’s young man, eh, Tom? Who but a + madman would suppose it is the game of such a man as he, to have his name + in everybody’s mouth, connected with the thousand useless odds and ends + you do (and which, of course, he taught you), eh, Tom? Who but a madman + would suppose you advertised him hereabouts, much cheaper and much better + than a chalker on the walls could, eh, Tom? As well might one suppose that + he doesn’t on all occasions pour out his whole heart and soul to you; that + he doesn’t make you a very liberal and indeed rather an extravagant + allowance; or, to be more wild and monstrous still, if that be possible, + as well might one suppose,’ and here, at every word, he struck him lightly + on the breast, ‘that Pecksniff traded in your nature, and that your nature + was to be timid and distrustful of yourself, and trustful of all other + men, but most of all, of him who least deserves it. There would be + madness, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch had listened to all this with looks of bewilderment, which seemed + to be in part occasioned by the matter of his companion’s speech, and in + part by his rapid and vehement manner. Now that he had come to a close, he + drew a very long breath; and gazing wistfully in his face as if he were + unable to settle in his own mind what expression it wore, and were + desirous to draw from it as good a clue to his real meaning as it was + possible to obtain in the dark, was about to answer, when the sound of the + mail guard’s horn came cheerily upon their ears, putting an immediate end + to the conference; greatly as it seemed to the satisfaction of the younger + man, who jumped up briskly, and gave his hand to his companion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Both hands, Tom. I shall write to you from London, mind!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Pinch. ‘Yes. Do, please. Good-bye. Good-bye. I can hardly + believe you’re going. It seems, now, but yesterday that you came. + Good-bye! my dear old fellow!’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock returned his parting words with no less heartiness of + manner, and sprung up to his seat upon the roof. Off went the mail at a + canter down the dark road; the lamps gleaming brightly, and the horn + awakening all the echoes, far and wide. + </p> + <p> + ‘Go your ways,’ said Pinch, apostrophizing the coach; ‘I can hardly + persuade myself but you’re alive, and are some great monster who visits + this place at certain intervals, to bear my friends away into the world. + You’re more exulting and rampant than usual tonight, I think; and you may + well crow over your prize; for he is a fine lad, an ingenuous lad, and has + but one fault that I know of; he don’t mean it, but he is most cruelly + unjust to Pecksniff!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THREE + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH CERTAIN OTHER PERSONS ARE INTRODUCED; ON THE SAME TERMS AS IN THE + LAST CHAPTER + </p> + <p> + Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon who + swung and creaked complainingly before the village alehouse door. A faded, + and an ancient dragon he was; and many a wintry storm of rain, snow, + sleet, and hail, had changed his colour from a gaudy blue to a faint + lack-lustre shade of grey. But there he hung; rearing, in a state of + monstrous imbecility, on his hind legs; waxing, with every month that + passed, so much more dim and shapeless, that as you gazed at him on one + side of the sign-board it seemed as if he must be gradually melting + through it, and coming out upon the other. + </p> + <p> + He was a courteous and considerate dragon, too; or had been in his + distincter days; for in the midst of his rampant feebleness, he kept one + of his forepaws near his nose, as though he would say, ‘Don’t mind me—it’s + only my fun;’ while he held out the other in polite and hospitable + entreaty. Indeed it must be conceded to the whole brood of dragons of + modern times, that they have made a great advance in civilisation and + refinement. They no longer demand a beautiful virgin for breakfast every + morning, with as much regularity as any tame single gentleman expects his + hot roll, but rest content with the society of idle bachelors and roving + married men; and they are now remarkable rather for holding aloof from the + softer sex and discouraging their visits (especially on Saturday nights), + than for rudely insisting on their company without any reference to their + inclinations, as they are known to have done in days of yore. + </p> + <p> + Nor is this tribute to the reclaimed animals in question so wide a + digression into the realms of Natural History as it may, at first sight, + appear to be; for the present business of these pages in with the dragon + who had his retreat in Mr Pecksniff’s neighbourhood, and that courteous + animal being already on the carpet, there is nothing in the way of its + immediate transaction. + </p> + <p> + For many years, then, he had swung and creaked, and flapped himself about, + before the two windows of the best bedroom of that house of entertainment + to which he lent his name; but never in all his swinging, creaking, and + flapping, had there been such a stir within its dingy precincts, as on the + evening next after that upon which the incidents, detailed in the last + chapter occurred; when there was such a hurrying up and down stairs of + feet, such a glancing of lights, such a whispering of voices, such a + smoking and sputtering of wood newly lighted in a damp chimney, such an + airing of linen, such a scorching smell of hot warming-pans, such a + domestic bustle and to-do, in short, as never dragon, griffin, unicorn, or + other animal of that species presided over, since they first began to + interest themselves in household affairs. + </p> + <p> + An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a rusty old + chariot with post-horses; coming nobody knew whence and going nobody knew + whither; had turned out of the high road, and driven unexpectedly to the + Blue Dragon; and here was the old gentleman, who had taken this step by + reason of his sudden illness in the carriage, suffering the most horrible + cramps and spasms, yet protesting and vowing in the very midst of his + pain, that he wouldn’t have a doctor sent for, and wouldn’t take any + remedies but those which the young lady administered from a small + medicine-chest, and wouldn’t, in a word, do anything but terrify the + landlady out of her five wits, and obstinately refuse compliance with + every suggestion that was made to him. + </p> + <p> + Of all the five hundred proposals for his relief which the good woman + poured out in less than half an hour, he would entertain but one. That was + that he should go to bed. And it was in the preparation of his bed and the + arrangement of his chamber, that all the stir was made in the room behind + the Dragon. + </p> + <p> + He was, beyond all question, very ill, and suffered exceedingly; not the + less, perhaps, because he was a strong and vigorous old man, with a will + of iron, and a voice of brass. But neither the apprehensions which he + plainly entertained, at times, for his life, nor the great pain he + underwent, influenced his resolution in the least degree. He would have no + person sent for. The worse he grew, the more rigid and inflexible he + became in his determination. If they sent for any person to attend him, + man, woman, or child, he would leave the house directly (so he told them), + though he quitted it on foot, and died upon the threshold of the door. + </p> + <p> + Now, there being no medical practitioner actually resident in the village, + but a poor apothecary who was also a grocer and general dealer, the + landlady had, upon her own responsibility, sent for him, in the very first + burst and outset of the disaster. Of course it followed, as a necessary + result of his being wanted, that he was not at home. He had gone some + miles away, and was not expected home until late at night; so the + landlady, being by this time pretty well beside herself, dispatched the + same messenger in all haste for Mr Pecksniff, as a learned man who could + bear a deal of responsibility, and a moral man who could administer a + world of comfort to a troubled mind. That her guest had need of some + efficient services under the latter head was obvious enough from the + restless expressions, importing, however, rather a worldly than a + spiritual anxiety, to which he gave frequent utterance. + </p> + <p> + From this last-mentioned secret errand, the messenger returned with no + better news than from the first; Mr Pecksniff was not at home. However, + they got the patient into bed without him; and in the course of two hours, + he gradually became so far better that there were much longer intervals + than at first between his terms of suffering. By degrees, he ceased to + suffer at all; though his exhaustion was occasionally so great that it + suggested hardly less alarm than his actual endurance had done. + </p> + <p> + It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with great + caution, and reaching uneasily out of his nest of pillows, he endeavoured, + with a strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use of the writing + materials which he had ordered to be placed on a table beside him, that + the young lady and the mistress of the Blue Dragon found themselves + sitting side by side before the fire in the sick chamber. + </p> + <p> + The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what a + landlady should be: broad, buxom, comfortable, and good looking, with a + face of clear red and white, which, by its jovial aspect, at once bore + testimony to her hearty participation in the good things of the larder and + cellar, and to their thriving and healthful influences. She was a widow, + but years ago had passed through her state of weeds, and burst into flower + again; and in full bloom she had continued ever since; and in full bloom + she was now; with roses on her ample skirts, and roses on her bodice, + roses in her cap, roses in her cheeks,—aye, and roses, worth the + gathering too, on her lips, for that matter. She had still a bright black + eye, and jet black hair; was comely, dimpled, plump, and tight as a + gooseberry; and though she was not exactly what the world calls young, you + may make an affidavit, on trust, before any mayor or magistrate in + Christendom, that there are a great many young ladies in the world + (blessings on them one and all!) whom you wouldn’t like half as well, or + admire half as much, as the beaming hostess of the Blue Dragon. + </p> + <p> + As this fair matron sat beside the fire, she glanced occasionally with all + the pride of ownership, about the room; which was a large apartment, such + as one may see in country places, with a low roof and a sunken flooring, + all downhill from the door, and a descent of two steps on the inside so + exquisitely unexpected, that strangers, despite the most elaborate + cautioning, usually dived in head first, as into a plunging-bath. It was + none of your frivolous and preposterously bright bedrooms, where nobody + can close an eye with any kind of propriety or decent regard to the + association of ideas; but it was a good, dull, leaden, drowsy place, where + every article of furniture reminded you that you came there to sleep, and + that you were expected to go to sleep. There was no wakeful reflection of + the fire there, as in your modern chambers, which upon the darkest nights + have a watchful consciousness of French polish; the old Spanish mahogany + winked at it now and then, as a dozing cat or dog might, nothing more. The + very size and shape, and hopeless immovability of the bedstead, and + wardrobe, and in a minor degree of even the chairs and tables, provoked + sleep; they were plainly apoplectic and disposed to snore. There were no + staring portraits to remonstrate with you for being lazy; no round-eyed + birds upon the curtains, disgustingly wide awake, and insufferably prying. + The thick neutral hangings, and the dark blinds, and the heavy heap of + bed-clothes, were all designed to hold in sleep, and act as nonconductors + to the day and getting up. Even the old stuffed fox upon the top of the + wardrobe was devoid of any spark of vigilance, for his glass eye had + fallen out, and he slumbered as he stood. + </p> + <p> + The wandering attention of the mistress of the Blue Dragon roved to these + things but twice or thrice, and then for but an instant at a time. It soon + deserted them, and even the distant bed with its strange burden, for the + young creature immediately before her, who, with her downcast eyes + intently fixed upon the fire, sat wrapped in silent meditation. + </p> + <p> + She was very young; apparently no more than seventeen; timid and shrinking + in her manner, and yet with a greater share of self possession and control + over her emotions than usually belongs to a far more advanced period of + female life. This she had abundantly shown, but now, in her tending of the + sick gentleman. She was short in stature; and her figure was slight, as + became her years; but all the charms of youth and maidenhood set it off, + and clustered on her gentle brow. Her face was very pale, in part no doubt + from recent agitation. Her dark brown hair, disordered from the same + cause, had fallen negligently from its bonds, and hung upon her neck; for + which instance of its waywardness no male observer would have had the + heart to blame it. + </p> + <p> + Her attire was that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in her manner, + even when she sat as still as she did then, there was an indefinable + something which appeared to be in kindred with her scrupulously + unpretending dress. She had sat, at first looking anxiously towards the + bed; but seeing that the patient remained quiet, and was busy with his + writing, she had softly moved her chair into its present place; partly, as + it seemed, from an instinctive consciousness that he desired to avoid + observation; and partly that she might, unseen by him, give some vent to + the natural feelings she had hitherto suppressed. + </p> + <p> + Of all this, and much more, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon took as + accurate note and observation as only woman can take of woman. And at + length she said, in a voice too low, she knew, to reach the bed: + </p> + <p> + ‘You have seen the gentleman in this way before, miss? Is he used to these + attacks?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have seen him very ill before, but not so ill as he has been tonight.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What a Providence!’ said the landlady of the Dragon, ‘that you had the + prescriptions and the medicines with you, miss!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They are intended for such an emergency. We never travel without them.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ thought the hostess, ‘then we are in the habit of travelling, and of + travelling together.’ + </p> + <p> + She was so conscious of expressing this in her face, that meeting the + young lady’s eyes immediately afterwards, and being a very honest hostess, + she was rather confused. + </p> + <p> + ‘The gentleman—your grandpapa’—she resumed, after a short + pause, ‘being so bent on having no assistance, must terrify you very much, + miss?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been very much alarmed to-night. He—he is not my + grandfather.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Father, I should have said,’ returned the hostess, sensible of having + made an awkward mistake. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nor my father’ said the young lady. ‘Nor,’ she added, slightly smiling + with a quick perception of what the landlady was going to add, ‘Nor my + uncle. We are not related.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear me!’ returned the landlady, still more embarrassed than before; + ‘how could I be so very much mistaken; knowing, as anybody in their proper + senses might that when a gentleman is ill, he looks so much older than he + really is? That I should have called you “Miss,” too, ma’am!’ But when she + had proceeded thus far, she glanced involuntarily at the third finger of + the young lady’s left hand, and faltered again; for there was no ring upon + it. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I told you we were not related,’ said the other mildly, but not + without confusion on her own part, ‘I meant not in any way. Not even by + marriage. Did you call me, Martin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Call you?’ cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly drawing + beneath the coverlet the paper on which he had been writing. ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + She had moved a pace or two towards the bed, but stopped immediately, and + went no farther. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. ‘Why do you ask me? If I had + called you, what need for such a question?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was the creaking of the sign outside, sir, I dare say,’ observed the + landlady; a suggestion by the way (as she felt a moment after she had made + it), not at all complimentary to the voice of the old gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘No matter what, ma’am,’ he rejoined: ‘it wasn’t I. Why how you stand + there, Mary, as if I had the plague! But they’re all afraid of me,’ he + added, leaning helplessly backward on his pillow; ‘even she! There is a + curse upon me. What else have I to look for?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear, no. Oh no, I’m sure,’ said the good-tempered landlady, rising, + and going towards him. ‘Be of better cheer, sir. These are only sick + fancies.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are only sick fancies?’ he retorted. ‘What do you know about + fancies? Who told you about fancies? The old story! Fancies!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0023m.jpg" alt="0000m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0023.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Only see again there, how you take one up!’ said the mistress of the Blue + Dragon, with unimpaired good humour. ‘Dear heart alive, there is no harm + in the word, sir, if it is an old one. Folks in good health have their + fancies, too, and strange ones, every day.’ + </p> + <p> + Harmless as this speech appeared to be, it acted on the traveller’s + distrust, like oil on fire. He raised his head up in the bed, and, fixing + on her two dark eyes whose brightness was exaggerated by the paleness of + his hollow cheeks, as they in turn, together with his straggling locks of + long grey hair, were rendered whiter by the tight black velvet skullcap + which he wore, he searched her face intently. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! you begin too soon,’ he said, in so low a voice that he seemed to be + thinking it, rather than addressing her. ‘But you lose no time. You do + your errand, and you earn your fee. Now, who may be your client?’ + </p> + <p> + The landlady looked in great astonishment at her whom he called Mary, and + finding no rejoinder in the drooping face, looked back again at him. At + first she had recoiled involuntarily, supposing him disordered in his + mind; but the slow composure of his manner, and the settled purpose + announced in his strong features, and gathering, most of all, about his + puckered mouth, forbade the supposition. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come,’ he said, ‘tell me who is it? Being here, it is not very hard for + me to guess, you may suppose.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin,’ interposed the young lady, laying her hand upon his arm; + ‘reflect how short a time we have been in this house, and that even your + name is unknown here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Unless,’ he said, ‘you—’ He was evidently tempted to express a + suspicion of her having broken his confidence in favour of the landlady, + but either remembering her tender nursing, or being moved in some sort by + her face, he checked himself, and changing his uneasy posture in the bed, + was silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ said Mrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragon was licensed to + furnish entertainment, both to man and beast. ‘Now, you will be well + again, sir. You forgot, for the moment, that there were none but friends + here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried the old man, moaning impatiently, as he tossed one restless + arm upon the coverlet; ‘why do you talk to me of friends! Can you or + anybody teach me to know who are my friends, and who my enemies?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At least,’ urged Mrs Lupin, gently, ‘this young lady is your friend, I am + sure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She has no temptation to be otherwise,’ cried the old man, like one whose + hope and confidence were utterly exhausted. ‘I suppose she is. Heaven + knows. There, let me try to sleep. Leave the candle where it is.’ + </p> + <p> + As they retired from the bed, he drew forth the writing which had occupied + him so long, and holding it in the flame of the taper burnt it to ashes. + That done, he extinguished the light, and turning his face away with a + heavy sigh, drew the coverlet about his head, and lay quite still. + </p> + <p> + This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent with + the labour he had devoted to it, and as involving considerable danger of + fire to the Dragon, occasioned Mrs Lupin not a little consternation. But + the young lady evincing no surprise, curiosity, or alarm, whispered her, + with many thanks for her solicitude and company, that she would remain + there some time longer; and that she begged her not to share her watch, as + she was well used to being alone, and would pass the time in reading. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Lupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of + curiosity which is inherited by her sex, and at another time it might have + been difficult so to impress this hint upon her as to induce her to take + it. But now, in sheer wonder and amazement at these mysteries, she + withdrew at once, and repairing straightway to her own little parlour + below stairs, sat down in her easy-chair with unnatural composure. At this + very crisis, a step was heard in the entry, and Mr Pecksniff, looking + sweetly over the half-door of the bar, and into the vista of snug privacy + beyond, murmured: + </p> + <p> + ‘Good evening, Mrs Lupin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear me, sir!’ she cried, advancing to receive him, ‘I am so very glad + you have come.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And I am very glad I have come,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘if I can be of + service. I am very glad I have come. What is the matter, Mrs Lupin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, sir,’ + said the tearful hostess. + </p> + <p> + ‘A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, has + he?’ repeated Mr Pecksniff. ‘Well, well!’ + </p> + <p> + Now there was nothing that one may call decidedly original in this remark, + nor can it be exactly said to have contained any wise precept theretofore + unknown to mankind, or to have opened any hidden source of consolation; + but Mr Pecksniff’s manner was so bland, and he nodded his head so + soothingly, and showed in everything such an affable sense of his own + excellence, that anybody would have been, as Mrs Lupin was, comforted by + the mere voice and presence of such a man; and, though he had merely said + ‘a verb must agree with its nominative case in number and person, my good + friend,’ or ‘eight times eight are sixty-four, my worthy soul,’ must have + felt deeply grateful to him for his humanity and wisdom. + </p> + <p> + ‘And how,’ asked Mr Pecksniff, drawing off his gloves and warming his + hands before the fire, as benevolently as if they were somebody else’s, + not his; ‘and how is he now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is better, and quite tranquil,’ answered Mrs Lupin. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is better, and quite tranquil,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Very well! Ve-ry + well!’ + </p> + <p> + Here again, though the statement was Mrs Lupin’s and not Mr Pecksniff’s, + Mr Pecksniff made it his own and consoled her with it. It was not much + when Mrs Lupin said it, but it was a whole book when Mr Pecksniff said it. + ‘I observe,’ he seemed to say, ‘and through me, morality in general + remarks, that he is better and quite tranquil.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There must be weighty matters on his mind, though,’ said the hostess, + shaking her head, ‘for he talks, sir, in the strangest way you ever heard. + He is far from easy in his thoughts, and wants some proper advice from + those whose goodness makes it worth his having.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘he is the sort of customer for me.’ But though + he said this in the plainest language, he didn’t speak a word. He only + shook his head; disparagingly of himself too. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid, sir,’ continued the landlady, first looking round to assure + herself that there was nobody within hearing, and then looking down upon + the floor. ‘I am very much afraid, sir, that his conscience is troubled by + his not being related to—or—or even married to—a very + young lady—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Lupin!’ said Mr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something in his + manner as nearly approaching to severity as any expression of his, mild + being that he was, could ever do. ‘Person! young person?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A very young person,’ said Mrs Lupin, curtseying and blushing; ‘—I + beg your pardon, sir, but I have been so hurried to-night, that I don’t + know what I say—who is with him now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who is with him now,’ ruminated Mr Pecksniff, warming his back (as he had + warmed his hands) as if it were a widow’s back, or an orphan’s back, or an + enemy’s back, or a back that any less excellent man would have suffered to + be cold. ‘Oh dear me, dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At the same time I am bound to say, and I do say with all my heart,’ + observed the hostess, earnestly, ‘that her looks and manner almost disarm + suspicion.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,’ said Mr Pecksniff gravely, ‘is very natural.’ + </p> + <p> + Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, that the + enemies of this worthy man unblushingly maintained that he always said of + what was very bad, that it was very natural; and that he unconsciously + betrayed his own nature in doing so. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,’ he repeated, ‘is very natural, and I have no + doubt correct. I will wait upon these travellers.’ + </p> + <p> + With that he took off his great-coat, and having run his fingers through + his hair, thrust one hand gently in the bosom of his waist-coat and meekly + signed to her to lead the way. + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I knock?’ asked Mrs Lupin, when they reached the chamber door. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘enter if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution for Mr + Pecksniff always walked softly. The old gentleman was still asleep, and + his young companion still sat reading by the fire. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid,’ said Mr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving his head + a melancholy roll, ‘I am afraid that this looks artful. I am afraid, Mrs + Lupin, do you know, that this looks very artful!’ + </p> + <p> + As he finished this whisper, he advanced before the hostess; and at the + same time the young lady, hearing footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff glanced at + the volume she held, and whispered Mrs Lupin again; if possible, with + increased despondency. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, ma’am,’ he said, ‘it is a good book. I was fearful of that + beforehand. I am apprehensive that this is a very deep thing indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What gentleman is this?’ inquired the object of his virtuous doubts. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush! don’t trouble yourself, ma’am,’ said Mr Pecksniff, as the landlady + was about to answer. ‘This young’—in spite of himself he hesitated + when “person” rose to his lips, and substituted another word: ‘this young + stranger, Mrs Lupin, will excuse me for replying briefly, that I reside in + this village; it may be in an influential manner, however, undeserved; and + that I have been summoned here by you. I am here, as I am everywhere, I + hope, in sympathy for the sick and sorry.’ + </p> + <p> + With these impressive words, Mr Pecksniff passed over to the bedside, + where, after patting the counterpane once or twice in a very solemn + manner, as if by that means he gained a clear insight into the patient’s + disorder, he took his seat in a large arm-chair, and in an attitude of + some thoughtfulness and much comfort, waited for his waking. Whatever + objection the young lady urged to Mrs Lupin went no further, for nothing + more was said to Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff said nothing more to + anybody else. + </p> + <p> + Full half an hour elapsed before the old man stirred, but at length he + turned himself in bed, and, though not yet awake, gave tokens that his + sleep was drawing to an end. By little and little he removed the + bed-clothes from about his head, and turned still more towards the side + where Mr Pecksniff sat. In course of time his eyes opened; and he lay for + a few moments as people newly roused sometimes will, gazing indolently at + his visitor, without any distinct consciousness of his presence. + </p> + <p> + There was nothing remarkable in these proceedings, except the influence + they worked on Mr Pecksniff, which could hardly have been surpassed by the + most marvellous of natural phenomena. Gradually his hands became tightly + clasped upon the elbows of the chair, his eyes dilated with surprise, his + mouth opened, his hair stood more erect upon his forehead than its custom + was, until, at length, when the old man rose in bed, and stared at him + with scarcely less emotion than he showed himself, the Pecksniff doubts + were all resolved, and he exclaimed aloud: + </p> + <p> + ‘You <i>are </i>Martin Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + His consternation of surprise was so genuine, that the old man, with all + the disposition that he clearly entertained to believe it assumed, was + convinced of its reality. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am Martin Chuzzlewit,’ he said, bitterly: ‘and Martin Chuzzlewit wishes + you had been hanged, before you had come here to disturb him in his sleep. + Why, I dreamed of this fellow!’ he said, lying down again, and turning + away his face, ‘before I knew that he was near me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good cousin—’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘There! His very first words!’ cried the old man, shaking his grey head to + and fro upon the pillow, and throwing up his hands. ‘In his very first + words he asserts his relationship! I knew he would; they all do it! Near + or distant, blood or water, it’s all one. Ugh! What a calendar of deceit, + and lying, and false-witnessing, the sound of any word of kindred opens + before me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray do not be hasty, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ said Pecksniff, in a tone that was + at once in the sublimest degree compassionate and dispassionate; for he + had by this time recovered from his surprise, and was in full possession + of his virtuous self. ‘You will regret being hasty, I know you will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You know!’ said Martin, contemptuously. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ retorted Mr Pecksniff. ‘Aye, aye, Mr Chuzzlewit; and don’t imagine + that I mean to court or flatter you; for nothing is further from my + intention. Neither, sir, need you entertain the least misgiving that I + shall repeat that obnoxious word which has given you so much offence + already. Why should I? What do I expect or want from you? There is nothing + in your possession that I know of, Mr Chuzzlewit, which is much to be + coveted for the happiness it brings you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s true enough,’ muttered the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Apart from that consideration,’ said Mr Pecksniff, watchful of the effect + he made, ‘it must be plain to you (I am sure) by this time, that if I had + wished to insinuate myself into your good opinion, I should have been, of + all things, careful not to address you as a relative; knowing your humour, + and being quite certain beforehand that I could not have a worse letter of + recommendation.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin made not any verbal answer; but he as clearly implied though only + by a motion of his legs beneath the bed-clothes, that there was reason in + this, and that he could not dispute it, as if he had said as much in good + set terms. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, keeping his hand in his waistcoat as though he + were ready, on the shortest notice, to produce his heart for Martin + Chuzzlewit’s inspection, ‘I came here to offer my services to a stranger. + I make no offer of them to you, because I know you would distrust me if I + did. But lying on that bed, sir, I regard you as a stranger, and I have + just that amount of interest in you which I hope I should feel in any + stranger, circumstanced as you are. Beyond that, I am quite as indifferent + to you, Mr Chuzzlewit, as you are to me.’ + </p> + <p> + Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easy-chair; so + radiant with ingenuous honesty, that Mrs Lupin almost wondered not to see + a stained-glass Glory, such as the Saint wore in the church, shining about + his head. + </p> + <p> + A long pause succeeded. The old man, with increased restlessness, changed + his posture several times. Mrs Lupin and the young lady gazed in silence + at the counterpane. Mr Pecksniff toyed abstractedly with his eye-glass, + and kept his eyes shut, that he might ruminate the better. + </p> + <p> + ‘Eh?’ he said at last, opening them suddenly, and looking towards the bed. + ‘I beg your pardon. I thought you spoke. Mrs Lupin,’ he continued, slowly + rising ‘I am not aware that I can be of any service to you here. The + gentleman is better, and you are as good a nurse as he can have. Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + This last note of interrogation bore reference to another change of + posture on the old man’s part, which brought his face towards Mr Pecksniff + for the first time since he had turned away from him. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you desire to speak to me before I go, sir,’ continued that gentleman, + after another pause, ‘you may command my leisure; but I must stipulate, in + justice to myself, that you do so as to a stranger, strictly as to a + stranger.’ + </p> + <p> + Now if Mr Pecksniff knew, from anything Martin Chuzzlewit had expressed in + gestures, that he wanted to speak to him, he could only have found it out + on some such principle as prevails in melodramas, and in virtue of which + the elderly farmer with the comic son always knows what the dumb girl + means when she takes refuge in his garden, and relates her personal + memoirs in incomprehensible pantomime. But without stopping to make any + inquiry on this point, Martin Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion to + withdraw, which she immediately did, along with the landlady leaving him + and Mr Pecksniff alone together. For some time they looked at each other + in silence; or rather the old man looked at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff + again closing his eyes on all outward objects, took an inward survey of + his own breast. That it amply repaid him for his trouble, and afforded a + delicious and enchanting prospect, was clear from the expression of his + face. + </p> + <p> + ‘You wish me to speak to you as to a total stranger,’ said the old man, + ‘do you?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent turning + round of his eyes in their sockets before he opened them, that he was + still reduced to the necessity of entertaining that desire. + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall be gratified,’ said Martin. ‘Sir, I am a rich man. Not so rich + as some suppose, perhaps, but yet wealthy. I am not a miser sir, though + even that charge is made against me, as I hear, and currently believed. I + have no pleasure in hoarding. I have no pleasure in the possession of + money, The devil that we call by that name can give me nothing but + unhappiness.’ + </p> + <p> + It would be no description of Mr Pecksniff’s gentleness of manner to adopt + the common parlance, and say that he looked at this moment as if butter + wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He rather looked as if any quantity of butter + might have been made out of him, by churning the milk of human kindness, + as it spouted upwards from his heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘For the same reason that I am not a hoarder of money,’ said the old man, + ‘I am not lavish of it. Some people find their gratification in storing it + up; and others theirs in parting with it; but I have no gratification + connected with the thing. Pain and bitterness are the only goods it ever + could procure for me. I hate it. It is a spectre walking before me through + the world, and making every social pleasure hideous.’ + </p> + <p> + A thought arose in Pecksniff’s mind, which must have instantly mounted to + his face, or Martin Chuzzlewit would not have resumed as quickly and as + sternly as he did: + </p> + <p> + ‘You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source of + misery, and transfer it to some one who could bear it better. Even you, + perhaps, would rid me of a burden under which I suffer so grievously. But, + kind stranger,’ said the old man, whose every feature darkened as he + spoke, ‘good Christian stranger, that is a main part of my trouble. In + other hands, I have known money do good; in other hands I have known it + triumphed in, and boasted of with reason, as the master-key to all the + brazen gates that close upon the paths to worldly honour, fortune, and + enjoyment. To what man or woman; to what worthy, honest, incorruptible + creature; shall I confide such a talisman, either now or when I die? Do + you know any such person? <i>your </i>virtues are of course inestimable, but can + you tell me of any other living creature who will bear the test of contact + with myself?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of contact with yourself, sir?’ echoed Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye,’ returned the old man, ‘the test of contact with me—with me. + You have heard of him whose misery (the gratification of his own foolish + wish) was, that he turned every thing he touched into gold. The curse of + my existence, and the realisation of my own mad desire is that by the + golden standard which I bear about me, I am doomed to try the metal of all + other men, and find it false and hollow.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff shook his head, and said, ‘You think so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes,’ cried the old man, ‘I think so! and in your telling me “I think + so,” I recognize the true unworldly ring of <i>your </i>metal. I tell you, man,’ + he added, with increasing bitterness, ‘that I have gone, a rich man, among + people of all grades and kinds; relatives, friends, and strangers; among + people in whom, when I was poor, I had confidence, and justly, for they + never once deceived me then, or, to me, wronged each other. But I have + never found one nature, no, not one, in which, being wealthy and alone, I + was not forced to detect the latent corruption that lay hid within it + waiting for such as I to bring it forth. Treachery, deceit, and low + design; hatred of competitors, real or fancied, for my favour; meanness, + falsehood, baseness, and servility; or,’ and here he looked closely in his + cousin’s eyes, ‘or an assumption of honest independence, almost worse than + all; these are the beauties which my wealth has brought to light. Brother + against brother, child against parent, friends treading on the faces of + friends, this is the social company by whom my way has been attended. + There are stories told—they may be true or false—of rich men + who, in the garb of poverty, have found out virtue and rewarded it. They + were dolts and idiots for their pains. They should have made the search in + their own characters. They should have shown themselves fit objects to be + robbed and preyed upon and plotted against and adulated by any knaves, + who, but for joy, would have spat upon their coffins when they died their + dupes; and then their search would have ended as mine has done, and they + would be what I am.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff, not at all knowing what it might be best to say in the + momentary pause which ensued upon these remarks, made an elaborate + demonstration of intending to deliver something very oracular indeed; + trusting to the certainty of the old man interrupting him, before he + should utter a word. Nor was he mistaken, for Martin Chuzzlewit having + taken breath, went on to say: + </p> + <p> + ‘Hear me to an end; judge what profit you are like to gain from any + repetition of this visit; and leave me. I have so corrupted and changed + the nature of all those who have ever attended on me, by breeding + avaricious plots and hopes within them; I have engendered such domestic + strife and discord, by tarrying even with members of my own family; I have + been such a lighted torch in peaceful homes, kindling up all the + inflammable gases and vapours in their moral atmosphere, which, but for + me, might have proved harmless to the end, that I have, I may say, fled + from all who knew me, and taking refuge in secret places have lived, of + late, the life of one who is hunted. The young girl whom you just now saw—what! + your eye lightens when I talk of her! You hate her already, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word, sir!’ said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand upon his breast, + and dropping his eyelids. + </p> + <p> + ‘I forgot,’ cried the old man, looking at him with a keenness which the + other seemed to feel, although he did not raise his eyes so as to see it. + ‘I ask your pardon. I forgot you were a stranger. For the moment you + reminded me of one Pecksniff, a cousin of mine. As I was saying—the + young girl whom you just now saw, is an orphan child, whom, with one + steady purpose, I have bred and educated, or, if you prefer the word, + adopted. For a year or more she has been my constant companion, and she is + my only one. I have taken, as she knows, a solemn oath never to leave her + sixpence when I die, but while I live I make her an annual allowance; not + extravagant in its amount and yet not stinted. There is a compact between + us that no term of affectionate cajolery shall ever be addressed by either + to the other, but that she shall call me always by my Christian name; I + her, by hers. She is bound to me in life by ties of interest, and losing + by my death, and having no expectation disappointed, will mourn it, + perhaps; though for that I care little. This is the only kind of friend I + have or will have. Judge from such premises what a profitable hour you + have spent in coming here, and leave me, to return no more.’ + </p> + <p> + With these words, the old man fell slowly back upon his pillow. Mr + Pecksniff as slowly rose, and, with a prefatory hem, began as follows: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There. Go!’ interposed the other. ‘Enough of this. I am weary of you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry for that, sir,’ rejoined Mr Pecksniff, ‘because I have a duty + to discharge, from which, depend upon it, I shall not shrink. No, sir, I + shall not shrink.’ + </p> + <p> + It is a lamentable fact, that as Mr Pecksniff stood erect beside the bed, + in all the dignity of Goodness, and addressed him thus, the old man cast + an angry glance towards the candlestick, as if he were possessed by a + strong inclination to launch it at his cousin’s head. But he constrained + himself, and pointing with his finger to the door, informed him that his + road lay there. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘I am aware of that. I am going. But + before I go, I crave your leave to speak, and more than that, Mr + Chuzzlewit, I must and will—yes indeed, I repeat it, must and will—be + heard. I am not surprised, sir, at anything you have told me tonight. It + is natural, very natural, and the greater part of it was known to me + before. I will not say,’ continued Mr Pecksniff, drawing out his + pocket-handkerchief, and winking with both eyes at once, as it were, + against his will, ‘I will not say that you are mistaken in me. While you + are in your present mood I would not say so for the world. I almost wish, + indeed, that I had a different nature, that I might repress even this + slight confession of weakness; which I cannot disguise from you; which I + feel is humiliating; but which you will have the goodness to excuse. We + will say, if you please,’ added Mr Pecksniff, with great tenderness of + manner, ‘that it arises from a cold in the head, or is attributable to + snuff, or smelling-salts, or onions, or anything but the real cause.’ + </p> + <p> + Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his + pocket-handkerchief. Then, smiling faintly, and holding the bed furniture + with one hand, he resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘But, Mr Chuzzlewit, while I am forgetful of myself, I owe it to myself, + and to my character—aye, sir, and I <i>have </i>a character which is very + dear to me, and will be the best inheritance of my two daughters—to + tell you, on behalf of another, that your conduct is wrong, unnatural, + indefensible, monstrous. And I tell you, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, towering + on tiptoe among the curtains, as if he were literally rising above all + worldly considerations, and were fain to hold on tight, to keep himself + from darting skyward like a rocket, ‘I tell you without fear or favour, + that it will not do for you to be unmindful of your grandson, young + Martin, who has the strongest natural claim upon you. It will not do, + sir,’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head. ‘You may think it will do, + but it won’t. You must provide for that young man; you shall provide for + him; you <i>will </i>provide for him. I believe,’ said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at + the pen-and-ink, ‘that in secret you have already done so. Bless you for + doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless you for hating me. And + good night!’ + </p> + <p> + So saying, Mr Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity, and once + more inserting it in his waistcoat, departed. There was emotion in his + manner, but his step was firm. Subject to human weaknesses, he was upheld + by conscience. + </p> + <p> + Martin lay for some time, with an expression on his face of silent wonder, + not unmixed with rage; at length he muttered in a whisper: + </p> + <p> + ‘What does this mean? Can the false-hearted boy have chosen such a tool as + yonder fellow who has just gone out? Why not! He has conspired against me, + like the rest, and they are but birds of one feather. A new plot; a new + plot! Oh self, self, self! At every turn nothing but self!’ + </p> + <p> + He fell to trifling, as he ceased to speak, with the ashes of the burnt + paper in the candlestick. He did so, at first, in pure abstraction, but + they presently became the subject of his thoughts. + </p> + <p> + ‘Another will made and destroyed,’ he said, ‘nothing determined on, + nothing done, and I might have died to-night! I plainly see to what foul + uses all this money will be put at last,’ he cried, almost writhing in the + bed; ‘after filling me with cares and miseries all my life, it will + perpetuate discord and bad passions when I am dead. So it always is. What + lawsuits grow out of the graves of rich men, every day; sowing perjury, + hatred, and lies among near kindred, where there should be nothing but + love! Heaven help us, we have much to answer for! Oh self, self, self! + Every man for himself, and no creature for me!’ + </p> + <p> + Universal self! Was there nothing of its shadow in these reflections, and + in the history of Martin Chuzzlewit, on his own showing? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FOUR + </h2> + <p> + FROM WHICH IT WILL APPEAR THAT IF UNION BE STRENGTH, AND FAMILY AFFECTION + BE PLEASANT TO CONTEMPLATE, THE CHUZZLEWITS WERE THE STRONGEST AND MOST + AGREEABLE FAMILY IN THE WORLD + </p> + <p> + That worthy man Mr Pecksniff having taken leave of his cousin in the + solemn terms recited in the last chapter, withdrew to his own home, and + remained there three whole days; not so much as going out for a walk + beyond the boundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily + summoned to the bedside of his penitent and remorseful relative, whom, in + his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to forgive unconditionally, + and to love on any terms. But such was the obstinacy and such the bitter + nature of that stern old man, that no repentant summons came; and the + fourth day found Mr Pecksniff apparently much farther from his Christian + object than the first. + </p> + <p> + During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all times and + seasons in the day and night, and, returning good for evil evinced the + deepest solicitude in the progress of the obdurate invalid, in so much + that Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for he + often particularly required her to take notice that he would do the same + by any stranger or pauper in the like condition), and shed many tears of + admiration and delight. + </p> + <p> + Meantime, old Martin Chuzzlewit remained shut up in his own chamber, and + saw no person but his young companion, saving the hostess of the Blue + Dragon, who was, at certain times, admitted to his presence. So surely as + she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall asleep. It was + only when he and the young lady were alone, that he would utter a word, + even in answer to the simplest inquiry; though Mr Pecksniff could make + out, by hard listening at the door, that they two being left together, he + was talkative enough. + </p> + <p> + It happened on the fourth evening, that Mr Pecksniff walking, as usual, + into the bar of the Dragon and finding no Mrs Lupin there, went straight + upstairs; purposing, in the fervour of his affectionate zeal, to apply his + ear once more to the keyhole, and quiet his mind by assuring himself that + the hard-hearted patient was going on well. It happened that Mr Pecksniff, + coming softly upon the dark passage into which a spiral ray of light + usually darted through the same keyhole, was astonished to find no such + ray visible; and it happened that Mr Pecksniff, when he had felt his way + to the chamber-door, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by personal + inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused this keyhole to + be stopped on the inside, brought his head into such violent contact with + another head that he could not help uttering in an audible voice the + monosyllable ‘Oh!’ which was, as it were, sharply unscrewed and jerked out + of him by very anguish. It happened then, and lastly, that Mr Pecksniff + found himself immediately collared by something which smelt like several + damp umbrellas, a barrel of beer, a cask of warm brandy-and-water, and a + small parlour-full of stale tobacco smoke, mixed; and was straightway led + downstairs into the bar from which he had lately come, where he found + himself standing opposite to, and in the grasp of, a perfectly strange + gentleman of still stranger appearance who, with his disengaged hand, + rubbed his own head very hard, and looked at him, Pecksniff, with an evil + countenance. + </p> + <p> + The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently termed + shabby-genteel, though in respect of his dress he can hardly be said to + have been in any extremities, as his fingers were a long way out of his + gloves, and the soles of his feet were at an inconvenient distance from + the upper leather of his boots. His nether garments were of a bluish grey—violent + in its colours once, but sobered now by age and dinginess—and were + so stretched and strained in a tough conflict between his braces and his + straps, that they appeared every moment in danger of flying asunder at the + knees. His coat, in colour blue and of a military cut, was buttoned and + frogged up to his chin. His cravat was, in hue and pattern, like one of + those mantles which hairdressers are accustomed to wrap about their + clients, during the progress of the professional mysteries. His hat had + arrived at such a pass that it would have been hard to determine whether + it was originally white or black. But he wore a moustache—a shaggy + moustache too; nothing in the meek and merciful way, but quite in the + fierce and scornful style; the regular Satanic sort of thing—and he + wore, besides, a vast quantity of unbrushed hair. He was very dirty and + very jaunty; very bold and very mean; very swaggering and very slinking; + very much like a man who might have been something better, and unspeakably + like a man who deserved to be something worse. + </p> + <p> + ‘You were eaves-dropping at that door, you vagabond!’ said this gentleman. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the + Dragon in that animal’s last moments, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware that + there is a person here who—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stay!’ said the gentleman. ‘Wait a bit. She <i>does </i>know. What then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What then, sir?’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘What then? Do you know, sir, that I + am the friend and relative of that sick gentleman? That I am his + protector, his guardian, his—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not his niece’s husband,’ interposed the stranger, ‘I’ll be sworn; for he + was there before you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean?’ said Mr Pecksniff, with indignant surprise. ‘What do + you tell me, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wait a bit!’ cried the other, ‘Perhaps you are a cousin—the cousin + who lives in this place?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I <i>am</i> the cousin who lives in this place,’ replied the man of worth. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your name is Pecksniff?’ said the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am proud to know you, and I ask your pardon,’ said the gentleman, + touching his hat, and subsequently diving behind his cravat for a + shirt-collar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the surface. + ‘You behold in me, sir, one who has also an interest in that gentleman + upstairs. Wait a bit.’ + </p> + <p> + As he said this, he touched the tip of his high nose, by way of intimation + that he would let Mr Pecksniff into a secret presently; and pulling off + his hat, began to search inside the crown among a mass of crumpled + documents and small pieces of what may be called the bark of broken + cigars; whence he presently selected the cover of an old letter, begrimed + with dirt and redolent of tobacco. + </p> + <p> + ‘Read that,’ he cried, giving it to Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘This is addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire,’ said that gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘You know Chevy Slyme, Esquire, I believe?’ returned the stranger. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff shrugged his shoulders as though he would say ‘I know there + is such a person, and I am sorry for it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good,’ remarked the gentleman. ‘That is my interest and business + here.’ With that he made another dive for his shirt-collar and brought up + a string. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, this is very distressing, my friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his + head and smiling composedly. ‘It is very distressing to me, to be + compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to be. I know Mr + Slyme, my friend; this will not do; honesty is the best policy you had + better not; you had indeed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop’ cried the gentleman, stretching forth his right arm, which was so + tightly wedged into his threadbare sleeve that it looked like a cloth + sausage. ‘Wait a bit!’ + </p> + <p> + He paused to establish himself immediately in front of the fire with his + back towards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under his left arm, + and smoothing his moustache with his right thumb and forefinger, he + resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because it’s + complimentary. You suppose I would set myself up for Chevy Slyme. Sir, if + there is a man on earth whom a gentleman would feel proud and honoured to + be mistaken for, that man is my friend Slyme. For he is, without an + exception, the highest-minded, the most independent-spirited, most + original, spiritual, classical, talented, the most thoroughly + Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same time the most + disgustingly-unappreciated dog I know. But, sir, I have not the vanity to + attempt to pass for Slyme. Any other man in the wide world, I am equal to; + but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a great many cuts above me. Therefore you + are wrong.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I judged from this,’ said Mr Pecksniff, holding out the cover of the + letter. + </p> + <p> + ‘No doubt you did,’ returned the gentleman. ‘But, Mr Pecksniff, the whole + thing resolves itself into an instance of the peculiarities of genius. + Every man of true genius has his peculiarity. Sir, the peculiarity of my + friend Slyme is, that he is always waiting round the corner. He is + perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round the corner at this instant. + Now,’ said the gentleman, shaking his forefinger before his nose, and + planting his legs wider apart as he looked attentively in Mr Pecksniff’s + face, ‘that is a remarkably curious and interesting trait in Mr Slyme’s + character; and whenever Slyme’s life comes to be written, that trait must + be thoroughly worked out by his biographer or society will not be + satisfied. Observe me, society will not be satisfied!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff coughed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Slyme’s biographer, sir, whoever he may be,’ resumed the gentleman, ‘must + apply to me; or, if I am gone to that what’s-his-name from which no + thingumbob comes back, he must apply to my executors for leave to search + among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my poor way, of some of that + man’s proceedings—my adopted brother, sir,—which would amaze + you. He made use of an expression, sir, only on the fifteenth of last + month when he couldn’t meet a little bill and the other party wouldn’t + renew, which would have done honour to Napoleon Bonaparte in addressing + the French army.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And pray,’ asked Mr Pecksniff, obviously not quite at his ease, ‘what may + be Mr Slyme’s business here, if I may be permitted to inquire, who am + compelled by a regard for my own character to disavow all interest in his + proceedings?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the first place,’ returned the gentleman, ‘you will permit me to say, + that I object to that remark, and that I strongly and indignantly protest + against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you will give + me leave to introduce myself. My name, sir, is Tigg. The name of Montague + Tigg will perhaps be familiar to you, in connection with the most + remarkable events of the Peninsular War?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff gently shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘No matter,’ said the gentleman. ‘That man was my father, and I bear his + name. I am consequently proud—proud as Lucifer. Excuse me one + moment. I desire my friend Slyme to be present at the remainder of this + conference.’ + </p> + <p> + With this announcement he hurried away to the outer door of the Blue + Dragon, and almost immediately returned with a companion shorter than + himself, who was wrapped in an old blue camlet cloak with a lining of + faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and nipped by long + waiting in the cold, and his straggling red whiskers and frowzy hair being + more than usually dishevelled from the same cause, he certainly looked + rather unwholesome and uncomfortable than Shakspearian or Miltonic. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ said Mr Tigg, clapping one hand on the shoulder of his + prepossessing friend, and calling Mr Pecksniff’s attention to him with the + other, ‘you two are related; and relations never did agree, and never + will; which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable thing, or there would + be none but family parties, and everybody in the world would bore + everybody else to death. If you were on good terms, I should consider you + a most confoundedly unnatural pair; but standing towards each other as you + do, I took upon you as a couple of devilish deep-thoughted fellows, who + may be reasoned with to any extent.’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to point + towards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged his friend + stealthily with his elbow, and whispered in his ear. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chiv,’ said Mr Tigg aloud, in the high tone of one who was not to be + tampered with. ‘I shall come to that presently. I act upon my own + responsibility, or not at all. To the extent of such a trifling loan as a + crownpiece to a man of your talents, I look upon Mr Pecksniff as certain;’ + and seeing at this juncture that the expression of Mr Pecksniff’s face by + no means betokened that he shared this certainty, Mr Tigg laid his finger + on his nose again for that gentleman’s private and especial behoof; + calling upon him thereby to take notice that the requisition of small + loans was another instance of the peculiarities of genius as developed in + his friend Slyme; that he, Tigg, winked at the same, because of the strong + metaphysical interest which these weaknesses possessed; and that in + reference to his own personal advocacy of such small advances, he merely + consulted the humour of his friend, without the least regard to his own + advantage or necessities. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Chiv, Chiv!’ added Mr Tigg, surveying his adopted brother with an air + of profound contemplation after dismissing this piece of pantomime. ‘You + are, upon my life, a strange instance of the little frailties that beset a + mighty mind. If there had never been a telescope in the world, I should + have been quite certain from my observation of you, Chiv, that there were + spots on the sun! I wish I may die, if this isn’t the queerest state of + existence that we find ourselves forced into without knowing why or + wherefore, Mr Pecksniff! Well, never mind! Moralise as we will, the world + goes on. As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with his club in every + possible direction, but he can’t prevent the cats from making a most + intolerable row on the roofs of the houses, or the dogs from being shot in + the hot weather if they run about the streets unmuzzled. Life’s a riddle; + a most infernally hard riddle to guess, Mr Pecksniff. My own opinions, + that like that celebrated conundrum, “Why’s a man in jail like a man out + of jail?” there’s no answer to it. Upon my soul and body, it’s the + queerest sort of thing altogether—but there’s no use in talking + about it. Ha! Ha!’ + </p> + <p> + With which consolatory deduction from the gloomy premises recited, Mr Tigg + roused himself by a great effort, and proceeded in his former strain. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now I’ll tell you what it is. I’m a most confoundedly soft-hearted kind + of fellow in my way, and I cannot stand by, and see you two blades cutting + each other’s throats when there’s nothing to be got by it. Mr Pecksniff, + you’re the cousin of the testator upstairs and we’re the nephew—I + say we, meaning Chiv. Perhaps in all essential points you are more nearly + related to him than we are. Very good. If so, so be it. But you can’t get + at him, neither can we. I give you my brightest word of honour, sir, that + I’ve been looking through that keyhole with short intervals of rest, ever + since nine o’clock this morning, in expectation of receiving an answer to + one of the most moderate and gentlemanly applications for a little + temporary assistance—only fifteen pounds, and <i>my</i> security—that + the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he is perpetually + closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the bosom of, a + stranger. Now I say decisively with regard to this state of circumstances, + that it won’t do; that it won’t act; that it can’t be; and that it must + not be suffered to continue.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Every man,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘has a right, an undoubted right, (which + I, for one, would not call in question for any earthly consideration; oh + no!) to regulate his own proceedings by his own likings and dislikings, + supposing they are not immoral and not irreligious. I may feel in my own + breast, that Mr Chuzzlewit does not regard—me, for instance; say me—with + exactly that amount of Christian love which should subsist between us. I + may feel grieved and hurt at the circumstance; still I may not rush to the + conclusion that Mr Chuzzlewit is wholly without a justification in all his + coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr Tigg,’ continued Pecksniff + even more gravely and impressively than he had spoken yet, ‘how could Mr + Chuzzlewit be prevented from having these peculiar and most extraordinary + confidences of which you speak; the existence of which I must admit; and + which I cannot but deplore—for his sake? Consider, my good sir—’ + and here Mr Pecksniff eyed him wistfully—‘how very much at random + you are talking.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, as to that,’ rejoined Tigg, ‘it certainly is a difficult question.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Undoubtedly it is a difficult question,’ Mr Pecksniff answered. As he + spoke he drew himself aloft, and seemed to grow more mindful, suddenly, of + the moral gulf between himself and the creature he addressed. ‘Undoubtedly + it is a very difficult question. And I am far from feeling sure that it is + a question any one is authorized to discuss. Good evening to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t know that the Spottletoes are here, I suppose?’ said Mr Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean, sir? what Spottletoes?’ asked Pecksniff, stopping + abruptly on his way to the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,’ said Chevy Slyme, Esquire, speaking aloud for the + first time, and speaking very sulkily; shambling with his legs the while. + ‘Spottletoe married my father’s brother’s child, didn’t he? And Mrs + Spottletoe is Chuzzlewit’s own niece, isn’t she? She was his favourite + once. You may well ask what Spottletoes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now upon my sacred word!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, looking upwards. ‘This is + dreadful. The rapacity of these people is absolutely frightful!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,’ said Slyme, looking at that + gentleman and speaking at Mr Pecksniff. ‘Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son + have got wind of it, and have come down this afternoon. I saw ‘em not five + minutes ago, when I was waiting round the corner.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Mammon, Mammon!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, smiting his forehead. + </p> + <p> + ‘So there,’ said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, ‘are his brother + and another nephew for you, already.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This is the whole thing, sir,’ said Mr Tigg; ‘this is the point and + purpose at which I was gradually arriving when my friend Slyme here, with + six words, hit it full. Mr Pecksniff, now that your cousin (and Chiv’s + uncle) has turned up, some steps must be taken to prevent his disappearing + again; and, if possible, to counteract the influence which is exercised + over him now, by this designing favourite. Everybody who is interested + feels it, sir. The whole family is pouring down to this place. The time + has come when individual jealousies and interests must be forgotten for a + time, sir, and union must be made against the common enemy. When the + common enemy is routed, you will all set up for yourselves again; every + lady and gentleman who has a part in the game, will go in on their own + account and bowl away, to the best of their ability, at the testator’s + wicket, and nobody will be in a worse position than before. Think of it. + Don’t commit yourself now. You’ll find us at the Half Moon and Seven Stars + in this village, at any time, and open to any reasonable proposition. Hem! + Chiv, my dear fellow, go out and see what sort of a night it is.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in going + round the corner. Mr Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as he could be + reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his head + at Mr Pecksniff and smiled. + </p> + <p> + ‘We must not be too hard,’ he said, ‘upon the little eccentricities of our + friend Slyme. You saw him whisper me?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had seen him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You heard my answer, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had heard it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Five shillings, eh?’ said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. ‘Ah! what an + extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff made no answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Five shillings!’ pursued Mr Tigg, musing; ‘and to be punctually repaid + next week; that’s the best of it. You heard that?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had not heard that. + </p> + <p> + ‘No! You surprise me!’ cried Tigg. ‘That’s the cream of the thing sir. I + never knew that man fail to redeem a promise, in my life. You’re not in + want of change, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘thank you. Not at all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just so,’ returned Mr Tigg. ‘If you had been, I’d have got it for you.’ + With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapsed when he + stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr Pecksniff, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps you’d rather not lend Slyme five shillings?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I would much rather not,’ Mr Pecksniff rejoined. + </p> + <p> + ‘Egad!’ cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of + objection occurred to him at that moment for the first time, ‘it’s very + possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort of objection + to lending me five shillings now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I couldn’t do it, indeed,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not even half-a-crown, perhaps?’ urged Mr Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not even half-a-crown.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then we come,’ said Mr Tigg, ‘to the ridiculously small amount of + eighteen pence. Ha! ha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And that,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘would be equally objectionable.’ + </p> + <p> + On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both hands, + protesting with much earnestness, that he was one of the most consistent + and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired the honour of his + better acquaintance. He moreover observed that there were many little + characteristics about his friend Slyme, of which he could by no means, as + a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to forgive him + all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration of the great + pleasure he himself had that day enjoyed in his social intercourse with Mr + Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more enduring delight than + the successful negotiation of any small loan on the part of his friend + could possibly have imparted. With which remarks he would beg leave, he + said, to wish Mr Pecksniff a very good evening. And so he took himself + off; as little abashed by his recent failure as any gentleman would desire + to be. + </p> + <p> + The meditations of Mr Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the Dragon, and + that night in his own house, were very serious and grave indeed; the more + especially as the intelligence he had received from Messrs Tigg and Slyme + touching the arrival of other members of the family, were fully confirmed + on more particular inquiry. For the Spottletoes had actually gone straight + to the Dragon, where they were at that moment housed and mounting guard, + and where their appearance had occasioned such a vast sensation that Mrs + Lupin, scenting their errand before they had been under her roof half an + hour, carried the news herself with all possible secrecy straight to Mr + Pecksniff’s house; indeed it was her great caution in doing so which + occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who entered at the front door of + the Dragon just as she emerged from the back one. Moreover, Mr Anthony + Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were economically quartered at the Half Moon + and Seven Stars, which was an obscure ale-house; and by the very next + coach there came posting to the scene of action, so many other + affectionate members of the family (who quarrelled with each other, inside + and out, all the way down, to the utter distraction of the coachman), that + in less than four-and-twenty hours the scanty tavern accommodation was at + a premium, and all the private lodgings in the place, amounting to full + four beds and sofa, rose cent per cent in the market. + </p> + <p> + In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat down + before the Blue Dragon, and formally invested it; and Martin Chuzzlewit + was in a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; refusing to receive all + letters, messages, and parcels; obstinately declining to treat with + anybody; and holding out no hope or promise of capitulation. Meantime the + family forces were perpetually encountering each other in divers parts of + the neighbourhood; and, as no one branch of the Chuzzlewit tree had ever + been known to agree with another within the memory of man, there was such + a skirmishing, and flouting, and snapping off of heads, in the + metaphorical sense of that expression; such a bandying of words and + calling of names; such an upturning of noses and wrinkling of brows; such + a formal interment of good feelings and violent resurrection of ancient + grievances; as had never been known in those quiet parts since the + earliest record of their civilized existence. + </p> + <p> + At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the belligerents + began to speak to each other in only moderate terms of mutual aggravation; + and nearly all addressed themselves with a show of tolerable decency to Mr + Pecksniff, in recognition of his high character and influential position. + Thus, by little and little, they made common cause of Martin Chuzzlewit’s + obduracy, until it was agreed (if such a word can be used in connection + with the Chuzzlewits) that there should be a general council and + conference held at Mr Pecksniff’s house upon a certain day at noon; which + all members of the family who had brought themselves within reach of the + summons, were forthwith bidden and invited, solemnly, to attend. + </p> + <p> + If ever Mr Pecksniff wore an apostolic look, he wore it on this memorable + day. If ever his unruffled smile proclaimed the words, ‘I am a messenger + of peace!’ that was its mission now. If ever man combined within himself + all the mild qualities of the lamb with a considerable touch of the dove, + and not a dash of the crocodile, or the least possible suggestion of the + very mildest seasoning of the serpent, that man was he. And, oh, the two + Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the serene expression on the face of Charity, which + seemed to say, ‘I know that all my family have injured me beyond the + possibility of reparation, but I forgive them, for it is my duty so to + do!’ And, oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy; so charming, innocent, and + infant-like, that if she had gone out walking by herself, and it had been + a little earlier in the season, the robin-redbreasts might have covered + her with leaves against her will, believing her to be one of the sweet + children in the wood, come out of it, and issuing forth once more to look + for blackberries in the young freshness of her heart! What words can paint + the Pecksniffs in that trying hour? Oh, none; for words have naughty + company among them, and the Pecksniffs were all goodness. + </p> + <p> + But when the company arrived! That was the time. When Mr Pecksniff, rising + from his seat at the table’s head, with a daughter on either hand, + received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to chairs, with + eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious perspiration, + that he may be said to have been in a kind of moist meekness! And the + company; the jealous stony-hearted distrustful company, who were all shut + up in themselves, and had no faith in anybody, and wouldn’t believe + anything, and would no more allow themselves to be softened or lulled + asleep by the Pecksniffs than if they had been so many hedgehogs or + porcupines! + </p> + <p> + First, there was Mr Spottletoe, who was so bald and had such big whiskers, + that he seemed to have stopped his hair, by the sudden application of some + powerful remedy, in the very act of falling off his head, and to have + fastened it irrevocably on his face. Then there was Mrs Spottletoe, who + being much too slim for her years, and of a poetical constitution, was + accustomed to inform her more intimate friends that the said whiskers were + ‘the lodestar of her existence;’ and who could now, by reason of her + strong affection for her uncle Chuzzlewit, and the shock it gave her to be + suspected of testamentary designs upon him, do nothing but cry—except + moan. Then there were Anthony Chuzzlewit, and his son Jonas; the face of + the old man so sharpened by the wariness and cunning of his life, that it + seemed to cut him a passage through the crowded room, as he edged away + behind the remotest chairs; while the son had so well profited by the + precept and example of the father, that he looked a year or two the elder + of the twain, as they stood winking their red eyes, side by side, and + whispering to each other softly. Then there was the widow of a deceased + brother of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, who being almost supernaturally + disagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony figure and a masculine + voice, was, in right of these qualities, what is commonly called a + strong-minded woman; and who, if she could, would have established her + claim to the title, and have shown herself, mentally speaking, a perfect + Samson, by shutting up her brother-in-law in a private madhouse, until he + proved his complete sanity by loving her very much. Beside her sat her + spinster daughters, three in number, and of gentlemanly deportment, who + had so mortified themselves with tight stays, that their tempers were + reduced to something less than their waists, and sharp lacing was + expressed in their very noses. Then there was a young gentleman, + grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark and very hairy, and + apparently born for no particular purpose but to save looking-glasses the + trouble of reflecting more than just the first idea and sketchy notion of + a face, which had never been carried out. Then there was a solitary female + cousin who was remarkable for nothing but being very deaf, and living by + herself, and always having the toothache. Then there was George + Chuzzlewit, a gay bachelor cousin, who claimed to be young but had been + younger, and was inclined to corpulency, and rather overfed himself; to + that extent, indeed, that his eyes were strained in their sockets, as if + with constant surprise; and he had such an obvious disposition to pimples, + that the bright spots on his cravat, the rich pattern on his waistcoat, + and even his glittering trinkets, seemed to have broken out upon him, and + not to have come into existence comfortably. Last of all there were + present Mr Chevy Slyme and his friend Tigg. And it is worthy of remark, + that although each person present disliked the other, mainly because he or + she <i>did </i>belong to the family, they one and all concurred in hating Mr Tigg + because he didn’t. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20096m.jpg" alt="20096m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20096.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + + <p> + Such was the pleasant little family circle now assembled in Mr Pecksniff’s + best parlour, agreeably prepared to fall foul of Mr Pecksniff or anybody + else who might venture to say anything whatever upon any subject. + </p> + <p> + ‘This,’ said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with folded + hands, ‘does me good. It does my daughters good. We thank you for + assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a + blessed distinction that you have conferred upon us, and believe me’—it + is impossible to conceive how he smiled here—‘we shall not easily + forget it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,’ remarked Mr Spottletoe, with his + whiskers in a very portentous state; ‘but you are assuming too much to + yourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer a + distinction upon <i>you</i>, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + A general murmur echoed this inquiry, and applauded it. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, sir,’ + pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat, and giving a violent rap on the + table with his knuckles, ‘the sooner you desist, and this assembly + separates, the better. I am no stranger, sir, to your preposterous desire + to be regarded as the head of this family, but I can tell <i>you</i>, sir—’ + </p> + <p> + Oh yes, indeed! <i>He</i> tell. <i>He</i>! What? He was the head, was he? From the + strong-minded woman downwards everybody fell, that instant, upon Mr. + Spottletoe, who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence was fain to + sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head most wrathfully, and + giving Mrs Spottletoe to understand in dumb show, that that scoundrel + Pecksniff might go on for the present, but he would cut in presently, and + annihilate him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not sorry,’ said Mr Pecksniff in resumption of his address, ‘I am + really not sorry that this little incident has happened. It is good to + feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good to know that we + have no reserve before each other, but are appearing freely in our own + characters.’ + </p> + <p> + Here, the eldest daughter of the strong-minded woman rose a little way + from her seat, and trembling violently from head to foot, more as it + seemed with passion than timidity, expressed a general hope that some + people <i>would </i>appear in their own characters, if it were only for such a + proceeding having the attraction of novelty to recommend it; and that when + they (meaning the some people before mentioned) talked about their + relations, they would be careful to observe who was present in company at + the time; otherwise it might come round to those relations’ ears, in a way + they little expected; and as to red noses (she observed) she had yet to + learn that a red nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people neither made + nor coloured their own noses, but had that feature provided for them + without being first consulted; though even upon that branch of the subject + she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than other noses, + or indeed half as red as some. This remark being received with a shrill + titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity Pecksniff begged + with much politeness to be informed whether any of those very low + observations were levelled at her; and receiving no more explanatory + answer than was conveyed in the adage ‘Those the cap fits, let them wear + it,’ immediately commenced a somewhat acrimonious and personal retort, + wherein she was much comforted and abetted by her sister Mercy, who + laughed at the same with great heartiness; indeed far more naturally than + life. And it being quite impossible that any difference of opinion can + take place among women without every woman who is within hearing taking + active part in it, the strong-minded lady and her two daughters, and Mrs + Spottletoe, and the deaf cousin (who was not at all disqualified from + joining in the dispute by reason of being perfectly unacquainted with its + merits), one and all plunged into the quarrel directly. + </p> + <p> + The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three Miss + Chuzzlewits, and all five young ladies having, in the figurative language + of the day, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the altercation would + no doubt have been a long one but for the high valour and prowess of the + strong-minded woman, who, in right of her reputation for powers of + sarcasm, did so belabour and pummel Mrs Spottletoe with taunting words + that the poor lady, before the engagement was two minutes old, had no + refuge but in tears. These she shed so plentifully, and so much to the + agitation and grief of Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman, after holding + his clenched fist close to Mr Pecksniff’s eyes, as if it were some natural + curiosity from the near inspection whereof he was likely to derive high + gratification and improvement, and after offering (for no particular + reason that anybody could discover) to kick Mr George Chuzzlewit for, and + in consideration of, the trifling sum of sixpence, took his wife under his + arm and indignantly withdrew. This diversion, by distracting the attention + of the combatants, put an end to the strife, which, after breaking out + afresh some twice or thrice in certain inconsiderable spurts and dashes, + died away in silence. + </p> + <p> + It was then that Mr Pecksniff once more rose from his chair. It was then + that the two Miss Pecksniffs composed themselves to look as if there were + no such beings—not to say present, but in the whole compass of the + world—as the three Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three Miss + Chuzzlewits became equally unconscious of the existence of the two Miss + Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is to be lamented,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a forgiving recollection + of Mr Spottletoe’s fist, ‘that our friend should have withdrawn himself so + very hastily, though we have cause for mutual congratulation even in that, + since we are assured that he is not distrustful of us in regard to + anything we may say or do while he is absent. Now, that is very soothing, + is it not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party with + peculiar keenness from the first—‘don’t you be a hypocrite.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A what, my good sir?’ demanded Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘A hypocrite.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Charity, my dear,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘when I take my chamber candlestick + to-night, remind me to be more than usually particular in praying for Mr + Anthony Chuzzlewit; who has done me an injustice.’ + </p> + <p> + This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed to his + daughter’s private ear. With a cheerfulness of conscience, prompting + almost a sprightly demeanour, he then resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘All our thoughts centring in our very dear but unkind relative, and he + being as it were beyond our reach, we are met to-day, really as if we were + a funeral party, except—a blessed exception—that there is no + body in the house.’ + </p> + <p> + The strong-minded lady was not at all sure that this was a blessed + exception. Quite the contrary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, my dear madam!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Be that as it may, here we are; + and being here, we are to consider whether it is possible by any + justifiable means—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you know as well as I,’ said the strong-minded lady, ‘that any means + are justifiable in such a case, don’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, my dear madam, very good; whether it is possible by <i>any </i>means, + we will say by <i>any </i>means, to open the eyes of our valued relative to his + present infatuation. Whether it is possible to make him acquainted by any + means with the real character and purpose of that young female whose + strange, whose very strange position, in reference to himself’—here + Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an impressive whisper—‘really casts a + shadow of disgrace and shame upon this family; and who, we know’—here + he raised his voice again—‘else why is she his companion? harbours + the very basest designs upon his weakness and his property.’ + </p> + <p> + In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing else, + all concurred as one mind. Good Heaven, that she should harbour designs + upon his property! The strong-minded lady was for poison, her three + daughters were for Bridewell and bread-and-water, the cousin with the + toothache advocated Botany Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested + flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, notwithstanding his extreme shabbiness, + was still understood to be in some sort a lady’s man, in right of his + upper lip and his frogs, indicated a doubt of the justifiable nature of + these measures; and he only ogled the three Miss Chuzzlewits with the + least admixture of banter in his admiration, as though he would observe, + ‘You are positively down upon her to too great an extent, my sweet + creatures, upon my soul you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ said Mr Pecksniff, crossing his two forefingers in a manner which + was at once conciliatory and argumentative; ‘I will not, upon the one + hand, go so far as to say that she deserves all the inflictions which have + been so very forcibly and hilariously suggested;’ one of his ornamental + sentences; ‘nor will I, upon the other, on any account compromise my + common understanding as a man, by making the assertion that she does not. + What I would observe is, that I think some practical means might be + devised of inducing our respected, shall I say our revered—?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ interposed the strong-minded woman in a loud voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I will not,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘You are quite right, my dear madam, + and I appreciate and thank you for your discriminating objection—our + respected relative, to dispose himself to listen to the promptings of + nature, and not to the—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on, Pa!’ cried Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, the truth is, my dear,’ said Mr Pecksniff, smiling upon his + assembled kindred, ‘that I am at a loss for a word. The name of those + fabulous animals (pagan, I regret to say) who used to sing in the water, + has quite escaped me.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr George Chuzzlewit suggested ‘swans.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Not swans. Very like swans, too. Thank you.’ + </p> + <p> + The nephew with the outline of a countenance, speaking for the first and + last time on that occasion, propounded ‘Oysters.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with his own peculiar urbanity, ‘nor oysters. But + by no means unlike oysters; a very excellent idea; thank you, my dear sir, + very much. Wait! Sirens. Dear me! sirens, of course. I think, I say, that + means might be devised of disposing our respected relative to listen to + the promptings of nature, and not to the siren-like delusions of art. Now + we must not lose sight of the fact that our esteemed friend has a + grandson, to whom he was, until lately, very much attached, and whom I + could have wished to see here to-day, for I have a real and deep regard + for him. A fine young man, a very fine young man! I would submit to you, + whether we might not remove Mr Chuzzlewit’s distrust of us, and vindicate + our own disinterestedness by—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If Mr George Chuzzlewit has anything to say to <i>me</i>,’ interposed the + strong-minded woman, sternly, ‘I beg him to speak out like a man; and not + to look at me and my daughters as if he could eat us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As to looking, I have heard it said, Mrs Ned,’ returned Mr George, + angrily, ‘that a cat is free to contemplate a monarch; and therefore I + hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, to look + at a person who only came into it by marriage. As to eating, I beg to say, + whatever bitterness your jealousies and disappointed expectations may + suggest to you, that I am not a cannibal, ma’am.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know that!’ cried the strong-minded woman. + </p> + <p> + ‘At all events, if I was a cannibal,’ said Mr George Chuzzlewit, greatly + stimulated by this retort, ‘I think it would occur to me that a lady who + had outlived three husbands, and suffered so very little from their loss, + must be most uncommonly tough.’ + </p> + <p> + The strong-minded woman immediately rose. + </p> + <p> + ‘And I will further add,’ said Mr George, nodding his head violently at + every second syllable; ‘naming no names, and therefore hurting nobody but + those whose consciences tell them they are alluded to, that I think it + would be much more decent and becoming, if those who hooked and crooked + themselves into this family by getting on the blind side of some of its + members before marriage, and manslaughtering them afterwards by crowing + over them to that strong pitch that they were glad to die, would refrain + from acting the part of vultures in regard to other members of this family + who are living. I think it would be full as well, if not better, if those + individuals would keep at home, contenting themselves with what they have + got (luckily for them) already; instead of hovering about, and thrusting + their fingers into, a family pie, which they flavour much more than + enough, I can tell them, when they are fifty miles away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I might have been prepared for this!’ cried the strong-minded woman, + looking about her with a disdainful smile as she moved towards the door, + followed by her three daughters. ‘Indeed I was fully prepared for it from + the first. What else could I expect in such an atmosphere as this!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t direct your halfpay-officers’ gaze at me, ma’am, if you please,’ + interposed Miss Charity; ‘for I won’t bear it.’ + </p> + <p> + This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strong-minded woman, + during her second widowhood and before her last coverture. It told + immensely. + </p> + <p> + ‘I passed from the memory of a grateful country, you very miserable minx,’ + said Mrs Ned, ‘when I entered this family; and I feel now, though I did + not feel then, that it served me right, and that I lost my claim upon the + United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I so degraded myself. + Now, my dears, if you’re quite ready, and have sufficiently improved + yourselves by taking to heart the genteel example of these two young + ladies, I think we’ll go. Mr Pecksniff, we are very much obliged to you, + really. We came to be entertained, and you have far surpassed our utmost + expectations, in the amusement you have provided for us. Thank you. + Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + With such departing words, did this strong-minded female paralyse the + Pecksniffian energies; and so she swept out of the room, and out of the + house, attended by her daughters, who, as with one accord, elevated their + three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter. As they + passed the parlour window on the outside, they were seen to counterfeit a + perfect transport of delight among themselves; and with this final blow + and great discouragement for those within, they vanished. + </p> + <p> + Before Mr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a remark, + another figure passed this window, coming, at a great rate in the opposite + direction; and immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe burst into the + chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he had gone out a man of + snow or ice. His head distilled such oil upon his whiskers, that they were + rich and clogged with unctuous drops; his face was violently inflamed, his + limbs trembled; and he gasped and strove for breath. + </p> + <p> + ‘My good sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes!’ returned the other; ‘oh yes, certainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, of + course! You hear him? You hear him? all of you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter?’ cried several voices. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh nothing!’ cried Spottletoe, still gasping. ‘Nothing at all! It’s of no + consequence! Ask him! <i>He</i>’ll tell you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I do not understand our friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking about him in + utter amazement. ‘I assure you that he is quite unintelligible to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Unintelligible, sir!’ cried the other. ‘Unintelligible! Do you mean to + say, sir, that you don’t know what has happened! That you haven’t decoyed + us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will you venture to say + that you didn’t know Mr Chuzzlewit was going, sir, and that you don’t know + he’s gone, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Gone!’ was the general cry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Gone,’ echoed Mr Spottletoe. ‘Gone while we were sitting here. Gone. + Nobody knows where he’s gone. Oh, of course not! Nobody knew he was going. + Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the very last moment that + they were merely going for a ride; she had no other suspicion. Oh, of + course not! She’s not this fellow’s creature. Oh, of course not!’ + </p> + <p> + Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing upon the + company for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden silence, the + irritated gentleman started off again at the same tremendous pace, and was + seen no more. + </p> + <p> + It was in vain for Mr Pecksniff to assure them that this new and opportune + evasion of the family was at least as great a shock and surprise to him as + to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and denunciations that were ever + heaped on one unlucky head, none can ever have exceeded in energy and + heartiness those with which he was complimented by each of his remaining + relatives, singly, upon bidding him farewell. + </p> + <p> + The moral position taken by Mr Tigg was something quite tremendous; and + the deaf cousin, who had the complicated aggravation of seeing all the + proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually scraped her + shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressions of them all + over the top step, in token that she shook the dust from her feet before + quitting that dissembling and perfidious mansion. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had, in short, but one comfort, and that was the knowledge + that all these his relations and friends had hated him to the very utmost + extent before; and that he, for his part, had not distributed among them + any more love than, with his ample capital in that respect, he could + comfortably afford to part with. This view of his affairs yielded him + great consolation; and the fact deserves to be noted, as showing with what + ease a good man may be consoled under circumstances of failure and + disappointment. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIVE + </h2> + <p> + CONTAINING A FULL ACCOUNT OF THE INSTALLATION OF MR PECKSNIFF’S NEW PUPIL + INTO THE BOSOM OF MR PECKSNIFF’S FAMILY. WITH ALL THE FESTIVITIES HELD ON + THAT OCCASION, AND THE GREAT ENJOYMENT OF MR PINCH + </p> + <p> + The best of architects and land surveyors kept a horse, in whom the + enemies already mentioned more than once in these pages pretended to + detect a fanciful resemblance to his master. Not in his outward person, + for he was a raw-boned, haggard horse, always on a much shorter allowance + of corn than Mr Pecksniff; but in his moral character, wherein, said they, + he was full of promise, but of no performance. He was always in a manner, + going to go, and never going. When at his slowest rate of travelling he + would sometimes lift up his legs so high, and display such mighty action, + that it was difficult to believe he was doing less than fourteen miles an + hour; and he was for ever so perfectly satisfied with his own speed, and + so little disconcerted by opportunities of comparing himself with the + fastest trotters, that the illusion was the more difficult of resistance. + He was a kind of animal who infused into the breasts of strangers a lively + sense of hope, and possessed all those who knew him better with a grim + despair. In what respect, having these points of character, he might be + fairly likened to his master, that good man’s slanderers only can explain. + But it is a melancholy truth, and a deplorable instance of the + uncharitableness of the world, that they made the comparison. + </p> + <p> + In this horse, and the hooded vehicle, whatever its proper name might be, + to which he was usually harnessed—it was more like a gig with a + tumour than anything else—all Mr Pinch’s thoughts and wishes + centred, one bright frosty morning; for with this gallant equipage he was + about to drive to Salisbury alone, there to meet with the new pupil, and + thence to bring him home in triumph. + </p> + <p> + Blessings on thy simple heart, Tom Pinch, how proudly dost thou button up + that scanty coat, called by a sad misnomer, for these many years, a + ‘great’ one; and how thoroughly, as with thy cheerful voice thou + pleasantly adjurest Sam the hostler ‘not to let him go yet,’ dost thou + believe that quadruped desires to go, and would go if he might! Who could + repress a smile—of love for thee, Tom Pinch, and not in jest at thy + expense, for thou art poor enough already, Heaven knows—to think + that such a holiday as lies before thee should awaken that quick flow and + hurry of the spirits, in which thou settest down again, almost untasted, + on the kitchen window-sill, that great white mug (put by, by thy own + hands, last night, that breakfast might not hold thee late), and layest + yonder crust upon the seat beside thee, to be eaten on the road, when thou + art calmer in thy high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a happy, man, + and noddest with a grateful lovingness to Pecksniff in his nightcap at his + chamber-window, would not cry, ‘Heaven speed thee, Tom, and send that thou + wert going off for ever to some quiet home where thou mightst live at + peace, and sorrow should not touch thee!’ + </p> + <p> + What better time for driving, riding, walking, moving through the air by + any means, than a fresh, frosty morning, when hope runs cheerily through + the veins with the brisk blood, and tingles in the frame from head to + foot! This was the glad commencement of a bracing day in early winter, + such as may put the languid summer season (speaking of it when it can’t be + had) to the blush, and shame the spring for being sometimes cold by + halves. The sheep-bells rang as clearly in the vigorous air, as if they + felt its wholesome influence like living creatures; the trees, in lieu of + leaves or blossoms, shed upon the ground a frosty rime that sparkled as it + fell, and might have been the dust of diamonds. So it was to Tom. From + cottage chimneys, smoke went streaming up high, high, as if the earth had + lost its grossness, being so fair, and must not be oppressed by heavy + vapour. The crust of ice on the else rippling brook was so transparent, + and so thin in texture, that the lively water might of its own free will + have stopped—in Tom’s glad mind it had—to look upon the lovely + morning. And lest the sun should break this charm too eagerly, there moved + between him and the ground, a mist like that which waits upon the moon on + summer nights—the very same to Tom—and wooed him to dissolve + it gently. + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch went on; not fast, but with a sense of rapid motion, which did + just as well; and as he went, all kinds of things occurred to keep him + happy. Thus when he came within sight of the turnpike, and was—oh a + long way off!—he saw the tollman’s wife, who had that moment checked + a waggon, run back into the little house again like mad, to say (she knew) + that Mr Pinch was coming up. And she was right, for when he drew within + hail of the gate, forth rushed the tollman’s children, shrieking in tiny + chorus, ‘Mr Pinch!’ to Tom’s intense delight. The very tollman, though an + ugly chap in general, and one whom folks were rather shy of handling, came + out himself to take the toll, and give him rough good morning; and that + with all this, and a glimpse of the family breakfast on a little round + table before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch had brought away with him + acquired as rich a flavour as though it had been cut from a fairy loaf. + </p> + <p> + But there was more than this. It was not only the married people and the + children who gave Tom Pinch a welcome as he passed. No, no. Sparkling eyes + and snowy breasts came hurriedly to many an upper casement as he clattered + by, and gave him back his greeting: not stinted either, but sevenfold, + good measure. They were all merry. They all laughed. And some of the + wickedest among them even kissed their hands as Tom looked back. For who + minded poor Mr Pinch? There was no harm in <i>him</i>. + </p> + <p> + And now the morning grew so fair, and all things were so wide awake and + gay, that the sun seeming to say—Tom had no doubt he said—‘I + can’t stand it any longer; I must have a look,’ streamed out in radiant + majesty. The mist, too shy and gentle for such lusty company, fled off, + quite scared, before it; and as it swept away, the hills and mounds and + distant pasture lands, teeming with placid sheep and noisy crows, came out + as bright as though they were unrolled bran new for the occasion. In + compliment to which discovery, the brook stood still no longer, but ran + briskly off to bear the tidings to the water-mill, three miles away. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was jogging along, full of pleasant thoughts and cheerful + influences, when he saw, upon the path before him, going in the same + direction with himself, a traveller on foot, who walked with a light quick + step, and sang as he went—for certain in a very loud voice, but not + unmusically. He was a young fellow, of some five or six-and-twenty + perhaps, and was dressed in such a free and fly-away fashion, that the + long ends of his loose red neckcloth were streaming out behind him quite + as often as before; and the bunch of bright winter berries in the + buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as visible to Mr Pinch’s rearward + observation, as if he had worn that garment wrong side foremost. He + continued to sing with so much energy, that he did not hear the sound of + wheels until it was close behind him; when he turned a whimsical face and + a very merry pair of blue eyes on Mr Pinch, and checked himself directly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Mark?’ said Tom Pinch, stopping. ‘Who’d have thought of seeing you + here? Well! this is surprising!’ + </p> + <p> + Mark touched his hat, and said, with a very sudden decrease of vivacity, + that he was going to Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + ‘And how spruce you are, too!’ said Mr Pinch, surveying him with great + pleasure. ‘Really, I didn’t think you were half such a tight-made fellow, + Mark!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thankee, Mr Pinch. Pretty well for that, I believe. It’s not my fault, + you know. With regard to being spruce, sir, that’s where it is, you see.’ + And here he looked particularly gloomy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where what is?’ Mr Pinch demanded. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where the aggravation of it is. Any man may be in good spirits and good + temper when he’s well dressed. There an’t much credit in that. If I was + very ragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I had gained a + point, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being well + dressed, eh, Mark?’ said Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your conversation’s always equal to print, sir,’ rejoined Mark, with a + broad grin. ‘That was it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ cried Pinch, ‘you are the strangest young man, Mark, I ever knew + in my life. I always thought so; but now I am quite certain of it. I am + going to Salisbury, too. Will you get in? I shall be very glad of your + company.’ + </p> + <p> + The young fellow made his acknowledgments and accepted the offer; stepping + into the carriage directly, and seating himself on the very edge of the + seat with his body half out of it, to express his being there on + sufferance, and by the politeness of Mr Pinch. As they went along, the + conversation proceeded after this manner. + </p> + <p> + ‘I more than half believed, just now, seeing you so very smart,’ said + Pinch, ‘that you must be going to be married, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir, I’ve thought of that, too,’ he replied. ‘There might be some + credit in being jolly with a wife, ‘specially if the children had the + measles and that, and was very fractious indeed. But I’m a’most afraid to + try it. I don’t see my way clear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re not very fond of anybody, perhaps?’ said Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not particular, sir, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But the way would be, you know, Mark, according to your views of things,’ + said Mr Pinch, ‘to marry somebody you didn’t like, and who was very + disagreeable.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a little too + far, mightn’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps it might,’ said Mr Pinch. At which they both laughed gayly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless you, sir,’ said Mark, ‘you don’t half know me, though. I don’t + believe there ever was a man as could come out so strong under + circumstances that would make other men miserable, as I could, if I could + only get a chance. But I can’t get a chance. It’s my opinion that nobody + never will know half of what’s in me, unless something very unexpected + turns up. And I don’t see any prospect of that. I’m a-going to leave the + Dragon, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Going to leave the Dragon!’ cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with great + astonishment. ‘Why, Mark, you take my breath away!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ he rejoined, looking straight before him and a long way off, + as men do sometimes when they cogitate profoundly. ‘What’s the use of my + stopping at the Dragon? It an’t at all the sort of place for <i>me</i>. When I + left London (I’m a Kentish man by birth, though), and took that situation + here, I quite made up my mind that it was the dullest little + out-of-the-way corner in England, and that there would be some credit in + being jolly under such circumstances. But, Lord, there’s no dullness at + the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits, nine-pins, comic songs, choruses, + company round the chimney corner every winter’s evening. Any man could be + jolly at the Dragon. There’s no credit in <i>that</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But if common report be true for once, Mark, as I think it is, being able + to confirm it by what I know myself,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘you are the cause of + half this merriment, and set it going.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There may be something in that, too, sir,’ answered Mark. ‘But that’s no + consolation.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Mr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued tone + being even now more subdued than ever. ‘I can hardly think enough of what + you tell me. Why, what will become of Mrs Lupin, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + Mark looked more fixedly before him, and further off still, as he answered + that he didn’t suppose it would be much of an object to her. There were + plenty of smart young fellows as would be glad of the place. He knew a + dozen himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s probable enough,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘but I am not at all sure that + Mrs Lupin would be glad of them. Why, I always supposed that Mrs Lupin and + you would make a match of it, Mark; and so did every one, as far as I + know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never,’ Mark replied, in some confusion, ‘said nothing as was in a + direct way courting-like to her, nor she to me, but I don’t know what I + mightn’t do one of these odd times, and what she mightn’t say in answer. + Well, sir, <i>that </i>wouldn’t suit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not to be landlord of the Dragon, Mark?’ cried Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, sir, certainly not,’ returned the other, withdrawing his gaze from + the horizon, and looking at his fellow-traveller. ‘Why that would be the + ruin of a man like me. I go and sit down comfortably for life, and no man + never finds me out. What would be the credit of the landlord of the + Dragon’s being jolly? Why, he couldn’t help it, if he tried.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Does Mrs Lupin know you are going to leave her?’ Mr Pinch inquired. + </p> + <p> + ‘I haven’t broke it to her yet, sir, but I must. I’m looking out this + morning for something new and suitable,’ he said, nodding towards the + city. + </p> + <p> + ‘What kind of thing now?’ Mr Pinch demanded. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was thinking,’ Mark replied, ‘of something in the grave-digging way.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious, Mark?’ cried Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a good damp, wormy sort of business, sir,’ said Mark, shaking his + head argumentatively, ‘and there might be some credit in being jolly, with + one’s mind in that pursuit, unless grave-diggers is usually given that + way; which would be a drawback. You don’t happen to know how that is in + general, do you, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘I don’t indeed. I never thought upon the subject.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you know,’ + said Mark, musing again, ‘there’s other businesses. Undertaking now. + That’s gloomy. There might be credit to be gained there. A broker’s man in + a poor neighbourhood wouldn’t be bad perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of + misery. A doctor’s man is in the very midst of murder. A bailiff’s an’t a + lively office nat’rally. Even a tax-gatherer must find his feelings rather + worked upon, at times. There’s lots of trades in which I should have an + opportunity, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could do + nothing but occasionally exchange a word or two on some indifferent + subject, and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of his odd friend + (who seemed quite unconscious of his observation), until they reached a + certain corner of the road, close upon the outskirts of the city, when + Mark said he would jump down there, if he pleased. + </p> + <p> + ‘But bless my soul, Mark,’ said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of his + observation just then made the discovery that the bosom of his companion’s + shirt was as much exposed as if it was Midsummer, and was ruffled by every + breath of air, ‘why don’t you wear a waistcoat?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the good of one, sir?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good of one?’ said Mr Pinch. ‘Why, to keep your chest warm.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord love you, sir!’ cried Mark, ‘you don’t know me. My chest don’t want + no warming. Even if it did, what would no waistcoat bring it to? + Inflammation of the lungs, perhaps? Well, there’d be some credit in being + jolly, with a inflammation of the lungs.’ + </p> + <p> + As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in his + breathing very hard, and opening his eyes very wide, and nodding his head + very much, Mark thanked him for his ride, and without troubling him to + stop, jumped lightly down. And away he fluttered, with his red + neckerchief, and his open coat, down a cross-lane; turning back from time + to time to nod to Mr Pinch, and looking one of the most careless, + good-humoured comical fellows in life. His late companion, with a + thoughtful face pursued his way to Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate sort of + place; an exceeding wild and dissipated city; and when he had put up the + horse, and given the hostler to understand that he would look in again in + the course of an hour or two to see him take his corn, he set forth on a + stroll about the streets with a vague and not unpleasant idea that they + teemed with all kinds of mystery and bedevilment. To one of his quiet + habits this little delusion was greatly assisted by the circumstance of + its being market-day, and the thoroughfares about the market-place being + filled with carts, horses, donkeys, baskets, waggons, garden-stuff, meat, + tripe, pies, poultry and huckster’s wares of every opposite description + and possible variety of character. Then there were young farmers and old + farmers with smock-frocks, brown great-coats, drab great-coats, red + worsted comforters, leather-leggings, wonderful shaped hats, + hunting-whips, and rough sticks, standing about in groups, or talking + noisily together on the tavern steps, or paying and receiving huge amounts + of greasy wealth, with the assistance of such bulky pocket-books that when + they were in their pockets it was apoplexy to get them out, and when they + were out it was spasms to get them in again. Also there were farmers’ + wives in beaver bonnets and red cloaks, riding shaggy horses purged of all + earthly passions, who went soberly into all manner of places without + desiring to know why, and who, if required, would have stood stock still + in a china shop, with a complete dinner-service at each hoof. Also a great + many dogs, who were strongly interested in the state of the market and the + bargains of their masters; and a great confusion of tongues, both brute + and human. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, and was + particularly struck by the itinerant cutlery, which he considered of the + very keenest kind, insomuch that he purchased a pocket knife with seven + blades in it, and not a cut (as he afterwards found out) among them. When + he had exhausted the market-place, and watched the farmers safe into the + market dinner, he went back to look after the horse. Having seen him eat + unto his heart’s content he issued forth again, to wander round the town + and regale himself with the shop windows; previously taking a long stare + at the bank, and wondering in what direction underground the caverns might + be where they kept the money; and turning to look back at one or two young + men who passed him, whom he knew to be articled to solicitors in the town; + and who had a sort of fearful interest in his eyes, as jolly dogs who knew + a thing or two, and kept it up tremendously. + </p> + <p> + But the shops. First of all there were the jewellers’ shops, with all the + treasures of the earth displayed therein, and such large silver watches + hanging up in every pane of glass, that if they were anything but + first-rate goers it certainly was not because the works could decently + complain of want of room. In good sooth they were big enough, and perhaps, + as the saying is, ugly enough, to be the most correct of all mechanical + performers; in Mr Pinch’s eyes, however they were smaller than Geneva + ware; and when he saw one very bloated watch announced as a repeater, + gifted with the uncommon power of striking every quarter of an hour inside + the pocket of its happy owner, he almost wished that he were rich enough + to buy it. + </p> + <p> + But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, to the + bookshops, whence a pleasant smell of paper freshly pressed came issuing + forth, awakening instant recollections of some new grammar had at school, + long time ago, with ‘Master Pinch, Grove House Academy,’ inscribed in + faultless writing on the fly-leaf! That whiff of russia leather, too, and + all those rows on rows of volumes neatly ranged within—what + happiness did they suggest! And in the window were the spick-and-span new + works from London, with the title-pages, and sometimes even the first page + of the first chapter, laid wide open; tempting unwary men to begin to read + the book, and then, in the impossibility of turning over, to rush blindly + in, and buy it! Here too were the dainty frontispiece and trim vignette, + pointing like handposts on the outskirts of great cities, to the rich + stock of incident beyond; and store of books, with many a grave portrait + and time-honoured name, whose matter he knew well, and would have given + mines to have, in any form, upon the narrow shell beside his bed at Mr + Pecksniff’s. What a heart-breaking shop it was! + </p> + <p> + There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying shop; + where children’s books were sold, and where poor Robinson Crusoe stood + alone in his might, with dog and hatchet, goat-skin cap and + fowling-pieces; calmly surveying Philip Quarn and the host of imitators + round him, and calling Mr Pinch to witness that he, of all the crowd, + impressed one solitary footprint on the shore of boyish memory, whereof + the tread of generations should not stir the lightest grain of sand. And + there too were the Persian tales, with flying chests and students of + enchanted books shut up for years in caverns; and there too was Abudah, + the merchant, with the terrible little old woman hobbling out of the box + in his bedroom; and there the mighty talisman, the rare Arabian Nights, + with Cassim Baba, divided by four, like the ghost of a dreadful sum, + hanging up, all gory, in the robbers’ cave. Which matchless wonders, + coming fast on Mr Pinch’s mind, did so rub up and chafe that wonderful + lamp within him, that when he turned his face towards the busy street, a + crowd of phantoms waited on his pleasure, and he lived again, with new + delight, the happy days before the Pecksniff era. + </p> + <p> + He had less interest now in the chemists’ shops, with their great glowing + bottles (with smaller repositories of brightness in their very stoppers); + and in their agreeable compromises between medicine and perfumery, in the + shape of toothsome lozenges and virgin honey. Neither had he the least + regard (but he never had much) for the tailors’, where the newest + metropolitan waistcoat patterns were hanging up, which by some strange + transformation always looked amazing there, and never appeared at all like + the same thing anywhere else. But he stopped to read the playbill at the + theatre and surveyed the doorway with a kind of awe, which was not + diminished when a sallow gentleman with long dark hair came out, and told + a boy to run home to his lodgings and bring down his broadsword. Mr Pinch + stood rooted to the spot on hearing this, and might have stood there until + dark, but that the old cathedral bell began to ring for vesper service, on + which he tore himself away. + </p> + <p> + Now, the organist’s assistant was a friend of Mr Pinch’s, which was a good + thing, for he too was a very quiet gentle soul, and had been, like Tom, a + kind of old-fashioned boy at school, though well liked by the noisy fellow + too. As good luck would have it (Tom always said he had great good luck) + the assistant chanced that very afternoon to be on duty by himself, with + no one in the dusty organ loft but Tom; so while he played, Tom helped him + with the stops; and finally, the service being just over, Tom took the + organ himself. It was then turning dark, and the yellow light that + streamed in through the ancient windows in the choir was mingled with a + murky red. As the grand tones resounded through the church, they seemed, + to Tom, to find an echo in the depth of every ancient tomb, no less than + in the deep mystery of his own heart. Great thoughts and hopes came + crowding on his mind as the rich music rolled upon the air and yet among + them—something more grave and solemn in their purpose, but the same—were + all the images of that day, down to its very lightest recollection of + childhood. The feeling that the sounds awakened, in the moment of their + existence, seemed to include his whole life and being; and as the + surrounding realities of stone and wood and glass grew dimmer in the + darkness, these visions grew so much the brighter that Tom might have + forgotten the new pupil and the expectant master, and have sat there + pouring out his grateful heart till midnight, but for a very earthy old + verger insisting on locking up the cathedral forthwith. So he took leave + of his friend, with many thanks, groped his way out, as well as he could, + into the now lamp-lighted streets, and hurried off to get his dinner. + </p> + <p> + All the farmers being by this time jogging homewards, there was nobody in + the sanded parlour of the tavern where he had left the horse; so he had + his little table drawn out close before the fire, and fell to work upon a + well-cooked steak and smoking hot potatoes, with a strong appreciation of + their excellence, and a very keen sense of enjoyment. Beside him, too, + there stood a jug of most stupendous Wiltshire beer; and the effect of the + whole was so transcendent, that he was obliged every now and then to lay + down his knife and fork, rub his hands, and think about it. By the time + the cheese and celery came, Mr Pinch had taken a book out of his pocket, + and could afford to trifle with the viands; now eating a little, now + drinking a little, now reading a little, and now stopping to wonder what + sort of a young man the new pupil would turn out to be. He had passed from + this latter theme and was deep in his book again, when the door opened, + and another guest came in, bringing with him such a quantity of cold air, + that he positively seemed at first to put the fire out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very hard frost to-night, sir,’ said the newcomer, courteously + acknowledging Mr Pinch’s withdrawal of the little table, that he might + have place: ‘Don’t disturb yourself, I beg.’ + </p> + <p> + Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr Pinch’s + comfort, he dragged one of the great leather-bottomed chairs to the very + centre of the hearth, notwithstanding; and sat down in front of the fire, + with a foot on each hob. + </p> + <p> + ‘My feet are quite numbed. Ah! Bitter cold to be sure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have been in the air some considerable time, I dare say?’ said Mr + Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘All day. Outside a coach, too.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That accounts for his making the room so cool,’ thought Mr Pinch. ‘Poor + fellow! How thoroughly chilled he must be!’ + </p> + <p> + The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten minutes + looking at the fire in silence. At length he rose and divested himself of + his shawl and great-coat, which (far different from Mr Pinch’s) was a very + warm and thick one; but he was not a whit more conversational out of his + great-coat than in it, for he sat down again in the same place and + attitude, and leaning back in his chair, began to bite his nails. He was + young—one-and-twenty, perhaps—and handsome; with a keen dark + eye, and a quickness of look and manner which made Tom sensible of a great + contrast in his own bearing, and caused him to feel even more shy than + usual. + </p> + <p> + There was a clock in the room, which the stranger often turned to look at. + Tom made frequent reference to it also; partly from a nervous sympathy + with its taciturn companion; and partly because the new pupil was to + inquire for him at half after six, and the hands were getting on towards + that hour. Whenever the stranger caught him looking at this clock, a kind + of confusion came upon Tom as if he had been found out in something; and + it was a perception of his uneasiness which caused the younger man to say, + perhaps, with a smile: + </p> + <p> + ‘We both appear to be rather particular about the time. The fact is, I + have an engagement to meet a gentleman here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So have I,’ said Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘At half-past six,’ said the stranger. + </p> + <p> + ‘At half-past six,’ said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the other + looked at him with some surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘The young gentleman, I expect,’ remarked Tom, timidly, ‘was to inquire at + that time for a person by the name of Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ cried the other, jumping up. ‘And I have been keeping the fire + from you all this while! I had no idea you were Mr Pinch. I am the Mr + Martin for whom you were to inquire. Pray excuse me. How do you do? Oh, do + draw nearer, pray!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Tom, ‘thank you. I am not at all cold, and you are; and + we have a cold ride before us. Well, if you wish it, I will. I—I am + very glad,’ said Tom, smiling with an embarrassed frankness peculiarly + his, and which was as plainly a confession of his own imperfections, and + an appeal to the kindness of the person he addressed, as if he had drawn + one up in simple language and committed it to paper: ‘I am very glad + indeed that you turn out to be the party I expected. I was thinking, but a + minute ago, that I could wish him to be like you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very glad to hear it,’ returned Martin, shaking hands with him + again; ‘for I assure you, I was thinking there could be no such luck as Mr + Pinch’s turning out like you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, really!’ said Tom, with great pleasure. ‘Are you serious?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word I am,’ replied his new acquaintance. ‘You and I will get on + excellently well, I know; which it’s no small relief to me to feel, for to + tell you the truth, I am not at all the sort of fellow who could get on + with everybody, and that’s the point on which I had the greatest doubts. + But they’re quite relieved now.—Do me the favour to ring the bell, + will you?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch rose, and complied with great alacrity—the handle hung just + over Martin’s head, as he warmed himself—and listened with a smiling + face to what his friend went on to say. It was: + </p> + <p> + ‘If you like punch, you’ll allow me to order a glass apiece, as hot as it + can be made, that we may usher in our friendship in a becoming manner. To + let you into a secret, Mr Pinch, I never was so much in want of something + warm and cheering in my life; but I didn’t like to run the chance of being + found drinking it, without knowing what kind of person you were; for first + impressions, you know, often go a long way, and last a long time.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch assented, and the punch was ordered. In due course it came; hot + and strong. After drinking to each other in the steaming mixture, they + became quite confidential. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m a sort of relation of Pecksniff’s, you know,’ said the young man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed!’ cried Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. My grandfather is his cousin, so he’s kith and kin to me, somehow, + if you can make that out. I can’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then Martin is your Christian name?’ said Mr Pinch, thoughtfully. ‘Oh!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course it is,’ returned his friend: ‘I wish it was my surname for my + own is not a very pretty one, and it takes a long time to sign. Chuzzlewit + is my name.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ cried Mr Pinch, with an involuntary start. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re not surprised at my having two names, I suppose?’ returned the + other, setting his glass to his lips. ‘Most people have.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, no,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘not at all. Oh dear no! Well!’ And then + remembering that Mr Pecksniff had privately cautioned him to say nothing + in reference to the old gentleman of the same name who had lodged at the + Dragon, but to reserve all mention of that person for him, he had no + better means of hiding his confusion than by raising his own glass to his + mouth. They looked at each other out of their respective tumblers for a + few seconds, and then put them down empty. + </p> + <p> + ‘I told them in the stable to be ready for us ten minutes ago,’ said Mr + Pinch, glancing at the clock again. ‘Shall we go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you please,’ returned the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘Would you like to drive?’ said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming with a + consciousness of the splendour of his offer. ‘You shall, if you wish.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, that depends, Mr Pinch,’ said Martin, laughing, ‘upon what sort of a + horse you have. Because if he’s a bad one, I would rather keep my hands + warm by holding them comfortably in my greatcoat pockets.’ + </p> + <p> + He appeared to think this such a good joke, that Mr Pinch was quite sure + it must be a capital one. Accordingly, he laughed too, and was fully + persuaded that he enjoyed it very much. Then he settled his bill, and Mr + Chuzzlewit paid for the punch; and having wrapped themselves up, to the + extent of their respective means, they went out together to the front + door, where Mr Pecksniff’s property stopped the way. + </p> + <p> + ‘I won’t drive, thank you, Mr Pinch,’ said Martin, getting into the + sitter’s place. ‘By the bye, there’s a box of mine. Can we manage to take + it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, certainly,’ said Tom. ‘Put it in, Dick, anywhere!’ + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20117m.jpg" alt="20117m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20117.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + + <p> + It was not precisely of that convenient size which would admit of its + being squeezed into any odd corner, but Dick the hostler got it in + somehow, and Mr Chuzzlewit helped him. It was all on Mr Pinch’s side, and + Mr Chuzzlewit said he was very much afraid it would encumber him; to which + Tom said, ‘Not at all;’ though it forced him into such an awkward + position, that he had much ado to see anything but his own knees. But it + is an ill wind that blows nobody any good; and the wisdom of the saying + was verified in this instance; for the cold air came from Mr Pinch’s side + of the carriage, and by interposing a perfect wall of box and man between + it and the new pupil, he shielded that young gentleman effectually; which + was a great comfort. + </p> + <p> + It was a clear evening, with a bright moon. The whole landscape was + silvered by its light and by the hoar-frost; and everything looked + exquisitely beautiful. At first, the great serenity and peace through + which they travelled, disposed them both to silence; but in a very short + time the punch within them and the healthful air without, made them + loquacious, and they talked incessantly. When they were halfway home, and + stopped to give the horse some water, Martin (who was very generous with + his money) ordered another glass of punch, which they drank between them, + and which had not the effect of making them less conversational than + before. Their principal topic of discourse was naturally Mr Pecksniff and + his family; of whom, and of the great obligations they had heaped upon + him, Tom Pinch, with the tears standing in his eyes, drew such a picture + as would have inclined any one of common feeling almost to revere them; + and of which Mr Pecksniff had not the slightest foresight or preconceived + idea, or he certainly (being very humble) would not have sent Tom Pinch to + bring the pupil home. + </p> + <p> + In this way they went on, and on, and on—in the language of the + story-books—until at last the village lights appeared before them, + and the church spire cast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; as if + it were a dial (alas, the truest in the world!) marking, whatever light + shone out of Heaven, the flight of days and weeks and years, by some new + shadow on that solemn ground. + </p> + <p> + ‘A pretty church!’ said Martin, observing that his companion slackened the + slack pace of the horse, as they approached. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it not?’ cried Tom, with great pride. ‘There’s the sweetest little + organ there you ever heard. I play it for them.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed?’ said Martin. ‘It is hardly worth the trouble, I should think. + What do you get for that, now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing,’ answered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ returned his friend, ‘you <i>are </i>a very strange fellow!’ + </p> + <p> + To which remark there succeeded a brief silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I say nothing,’ observed Mr Pinch, cheerfully, ‘I am wrong, and + don’t say what I mean, because I get a great deal of pleasure from it, and + the means of passing some of the happiest hours I know. It led to + something else the other day; but you will not care to hear about that I + dare say?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes I shall. What?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It led to my seeing,’ said Tom, in a lower voice, ‘one of the loveliest + and most beautiful faces you can possibly picture to yourself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And yet I am able to picture a beautiful one,’ said his friend, + thoughtfully, ‘or should be, if I have any memory.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She came’ said Tom, laying his hand upon the other’s arm, ‘for the first + time very early in the morning, when it was hardly light; and when I saw + her, over my shoulder, standing just within the porch, I turned quite + cold, almost believing her to be a spirit. A moment’s reflection got the + better of that, of course, and fortunately it came to my relief so soon, + that I didn’t leave off playing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why fortunately?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why? Because she stood there, listening. I had my spectacles on, and saw + her through the chinks in the curtains as plainly as I see you; and she + was beautiful. After a while she glided off, and I continued to play until + she was out of hearing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why did you do that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t you see?’ responded Tom. ‘Because she might suppose I hadn’t seen + her; and might return.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And did she?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly she did. Next morning, and next evening too; but always when + there were no people about, and always alone. I rose earlier and sat there + later, that when she came, she might find the church door open, and the + organ playing, and might not be disappointed. She strolled that way for + some days, and always stayed to listen. But she is gone now, and of all + unlikely things in this wide world, it is perhaps the most improbable that + I shall ever look upon her face again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t know anything more about her?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And you never followed her when she went away?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why should I distress her by doing that?’ said Tom Pinch. ‘Is it likely + that she wanted my company? She came to hear the organ, not to see me; and + would you have had me scare her from a place she seemed to grow quite fond + of? Now, Heaven bless her!’ cried Tom, ‘to have given her but a minute’s + pleasure every day, I would have gone on playing the organ at those times + until I was an old man; quite contented if she sometimes thought of a poor + fellow like me, as a part of the music; and more than recompensed if she + ever mixed me up with anything she liked as well as she liked that!’ + </p> + <p> + The new pupil was clearly very much amazed by Mr Pinch’s weakness, and + would probably have told him so, and given him some good advice, but for + their opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff’s door; the front door this time, + on account of the occasion being one of ceremony and rejoicing. The same + man was in waiting for the horse who had been adjured by Mr Pinch in the + morning not to yield to his rabid desire to start; and after delivering + the animal into his charge, and beseeching Mr Chuzzlewit in a whisper + never to reveal a syllable of what he had just told him in the fullness of + his heart, Tom led the pupil in, for instant presentation. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he was + surrounded by open books, and was glancing from volume to volume, with a + black lead-pencil in his mouth, and a pair of compasses in his hand, at a + vast number of mathematical diagrams, of such extraordinary shapes that + they looked like designs for fireworks. Neither had Miss Charity expected + them, for she was busied, with a capacious wicker basket before her, in + making impracticable nightcaps for the poor. Neither had Miss Mercy + expected them, for she was sitting upon her stool, tying on the—oh + good gracious!—the petticoat of a large doll that she was dressing + for a neighbour’s child—really, quite a grown-up doll, which made it + more confusing—and had its little bonnet dangling by the ribbon from + one of her fair curls, to which she had fastened it lest it should be lost + or sat upon. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to conceive a + family so thoroughly taken by surprise as the Pecksniffs were, on this + occasion. + </p> + <p> + Bless my life!’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking up, and gradually exchanging + his abstracted face for one of joyful recognition. ‘Here already! Martin, + my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you to my poor house!’ + </p> + <p> + With this kind greeting, Mr Pecksniff fairly took him to his arms, and + patted him several times upon the back with his right hand the while, as + if to express that his feelings during the embrace were too much for + utterance. + </p> + <p> + ‘But here,’ he said, recovering, ‘are my daughters, Martin; my two only + children, whom (if you ever saw them) you have not beheld—ah, these + sad family divisions!—since you were infants together. Nay, my + dears, why blush at being detected in your everyday pursuits? We had + prepared to give you the reception of a visitor, Martin, in our little + room of state,’ said Mr Pecksniff, smiling, ‘but I like this better, I + like this better!’ + </p> + <p> + Oh blessed star of Innocence, wherever you may be, how did you glitter in + your home of ether, when the two Miss Pecksniffs put forth each her lily + hand, and gave the same, with mantling cheeks, to Martin! How did you + twinkle, as if fluttering with sympathy, when Mercy, reminded of the + bonnet in her hair, hid her fair face and turned her head aside; the while + her gentle sister plucked it out, and smote her with a sister’s soft + reproof, upon her buxom shoulder! + </p> + <p> + ‘And how,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning round after the contemplation of + these passages, and taking Mr Pinch in a friendly manner by the elbow, + ‘how has our friend used you, Martin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well indeed, sir. We are on the best terms, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Old Tom Pinch!’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking on him with affectionate + sadness. ‘Ah! It seems but yesterday that Thomas was a boy fresh from a + scholastic course. Yet years have passed, I think, since Thomas Pinch and + I first walked the world together!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed his + master’s hand, and tried to thank him. + </p> + <p> + ‘And Thomas Pinch and I,’ said Mr Pecksniff, in a deeper voice, ‘will walk + it yet, in mutual faithfulness and friendship! And if it comes to pass + that either of us be run over in any of those busy crossings which divide + the streets of life, the other will convey him to the hospital in Hope, + and sit beside his bed in Bounty!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well, well!’ he added in a happier tone, as he shook Mr Pinch’s + elbow hard. ‘No more of this! Martin, my dear friend, that you may be at + home within these walls, let me show you how we live, and where. Come!’ + </p> + <p> + With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young + relative, prepared to leave the room. At the door, he stopped. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll bear us company, Tom Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + Aye, cheerfully, though it had been to death, would Tom have followed him; + glad to lay down his life for such a man! + </p> + <p> + ‘This,’ said Mr Pecksniff, opening the door of an opposite parlour, ‘is + the little room of state, I mentioned to you. My girls have pride in it, + Martin! This,’ opening another door, ‘is the little chamber in which my + works (slight things at best) have been concocted. Portrait of myself by + Spiller. Bust by Spoker. The latter is considered a good likeness. I seem + to recognize something about the left-hand corner of the nose, myself.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin thought it was very like, but scarcely intellectual enough. Mr + Pecksniff observed that the same fault had been found with it before. It + was remarkable it should have struck his young relation too. He was glad + to see he had an eye for art. + </p> + <p> + ‘Various books you observe,’ said Mr Pecksniff, waving his hand towards + the wall, ‘connected with our pursuit. I have scribbled myself, but have + not yet published. Be careful how you come upstairs. This,’ opening + another door, ‘is my chamber. I read here when the family suppose I have + retired to rest. Sometimes I injure my health rather more than I can quite + justify to myself, by doing so; but art is long and time is short. Every + facility you see for jotting down crude notions, even here.’ + </p> + <p> + These latter words were explained by his pointing to a small round table + on which were a lamp, divers sheets of paper, a piece of India rubber, and + a case of instruments; all put ready, in case an architectural idea should + come into Mr Pecksniff’s head in the night; in which event he would + instantly leap out of bed, and fix it for ever. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff opened another door on the same floor, and shut it again, all + at once, as if it were a Blue Chamber. But before he had well done so, he + looked smilingly round, and said, ‘Why not?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin couldn’t say why not, because he didn’t know anything at all about + it. So Mr Pecksniff answered himself, by throwing open the door, and + saying: + </p> + <p> + ‘My daughters’ room. A poor first-floor to us, but a bower to them. Very + neat. Very airy. Plants you observe; hyacinths; books again; birds.’ These + birds, by the bye, comprised, in all, one staggering old sparrow without a + tail, which had been borrowed expressly from the kitchen. ‘Such trifles as + girls love are here. Nothing more. Those who seek heartless splendour, + would seek here in vain.’ + </p> + <p> + With that he led them to the floor above. + </p> + <p> + ‘This,’ said Mr Pecksniff, throwing wide the door of the memorable + two-pair front; ‘is a room where some talent has been developed I believe. + This is a room in which an idea for a steeple occurred to me that I may + one day give to the world. We work here, my dear Martin. Some architects + have been bred in this room; a few, I think, Mr Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom fully assented; and, what is more, fully believed it. + </p> + <p> + ‘You see,’ said Mr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll to roll + of paper, ‘some traces of our doings here. Salisbury Cathedral from the + north. From the south. From the east. From the west. From the south-east. + From the nor’west. A bridge. An almshouse. A jail. A church. A + powder-magazine. A wine-cellar. A portico. A summer-house. An ice-house. + Plans, elevations, sections, every kind of thing. And this,’ he added, + having by this time reached another large chamber on the same story, with + four little beds in it, ‘this is your room, of which Mr Pinch here is the + quiet sharer. A southern aspect; a charming prospect; Mr Pinch’s little + library, you perceive; everything agreeable and appropriate. If there is + any additional comfort you would desire to have here at anytime, pray + mention it. Even to strangers, far less to you, my dear Martin, there is + no restriction on that point.’ + </p> + <p> + It was undoubtedly true, and may be stated in corroboration of Mr + Pecksniff, that any pupil had the most liberal permission to mention + anything in this way that suggested itself to his fancy. Some young + gentlemen had gone on mentioning the very same thing for five years + without ever being stopped. + </p> + <p> + ‘The domestic assistants,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘sleep above; and that is + all.’ After which, and listening complacently as he went, to the encomiums + passed by his young friend on the arrangements generally, he led the way + to the parlour again. + </p> + <p> + Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on a rather + extensive scale were already completed, and the two Miss Pecksniffs were + awaiting their return with hospitable looks. There were two bottles of + currant wine, white and red; a dish of sandwiches (very long and very + slim); another of apples; another of captain’s biscuits (which are always + a moist and jovial sort of viand); a plate of oranges cut up small and + gritty; with powdered sugar, and a highly geological home-made cake. The + magnitude of these preparations quite took away Tom Pinch’s breath; for + though the new pupils were usually let down softly, as one may say, + particularly in the wine department, which had so many stages of + declension, that sometimes a young gentleman was a whole fortnight in + getting to the pump; still this was a banquet; a sort of Lord Mayor’s + feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on by, + afterwards. + </p> + <p> + To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, had the + additional choice quality, that it was in strict keeping with the night, + being both light and cool, Mr Pecksniff besought the company to do full + justice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin,’ he said, ‘will seat himself between you two, my dears, and Mr + Pinch will come by me. Let us drink to our new inmate, and may we be happy + together! Martin, my dear friend, my love to you! Mr Pinch, if you spare + the bottle we shall quarrel.’ + </p> + <p> + And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as if the + wine were not acid and didn’t make him wink, Mr Pecksniff did honour to + his own toast. + </p> + <p> + ‘This,’ he said, in allusion to the party, not the wine, ‘is a mingling + that repays one for much disappointment and vexation. Let us be merry.’ + Here he took a captain’s biscuit. ‘It is a poor heart that never rejoices; + and our hearts are not poor. No!’ + </p> + <p> + With such stimulants to merriment did he beguile the time, and do the + honours of the table; while Mr Pinch, perhaps to assure himself that what + he saw and heard was holiday reality, and not a charming dream, ate of + everything, and in particular disposed of the slim sandwiches to a + surprising extent. Nor was he stinted in his draughts of wine; but on the + contrary, remembering Mr Pecksniff’s speech, attacked the bottle with such + vigour, that every time he filled his glass anew, Miss Charity, despite + her amiable resolves, could not repress a fixed and stony glare, as if her + eyes had rested on a ghost. Mr Pecksniff also became thoughtful at those + moments, not to say dejected; but as he knew the vintage, it is very + likely he may have been speculating on the probable condition of Mr Pinch + upon the morrow, and discussing within himself the best remedies for + colic. + </p> + <p> + Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and compared + recollections of their childish days, to their mutual liveliness and + entertainment. Miss Mercy laughed immensely at everything that was said; + and sometimes, after glancing at the happy face of Mr Pinch, was seized + with such fits of mirth as brought her to the very confines of hysterics. + But for these bursts of gaiety, her sister, in her better sense, reproved + her; observing, in an angry whisper, that it was far from being a theme + for jest; and that she had no patience with the creature; though it + generally ended in her laughing too—but much more moderately—and + saying that indeed it was a little too ridiculous and intolerable to be + serious about. + </p> + <p> + At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that great + discovery made by the ancient philosopher, for securing health, riches, + and wisdom; the infallibility of which has been for generations verified + by the enormous fortunes constantly amassed by chimney-sweepers and other + persons who get up early and go to bed betimes. The young ladies + accordingly rose, and having taken leave of Mr Chuzzlewit with much + sweetness, and of their father with much duty and of Mr Pinch with much + condescension, retired to their bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on + accompanying his young friend upstairs for personal superintendence of his + comforts; and taking him by the arm, conducted him once more to his + bedroom, followed by Mr Pinch, who bore the light. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one of the + spare beds. ‘I don’t see any snuffers in that candlestick. Will you oblige + me by going down, and asking for a pair?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch, only too happy to be useful, went off directly. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will excuse Thomas Pinch’s want of polish, Martin,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, with a smile of patronage and pity, as soon as he had left the + room. ‘He means well.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is a very good fellow, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He is very + grateful. I have never regretted having befriended Thomas Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think you never would, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘No. I hope not. Poor fellow, he is always + disposed to do his best; but he is not gifted. You will make him useful to + you, Martin, if you please. If Thomas has a fault, it is that he is + sometimes a little apt to forget his position. But that is soon checked. + Worthy soul! You will find him easy to manage. Good night!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + By this time Mr Pinch had returned with the snuffers. + </p> + <p> + ‘And good night to <i>you</i>, Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff. ‘And sound sleep to you + both. Bless you! Bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + Invoking this benediction on the heads of his young friends with great + fervour, he withdrew to his own room; while they, being tired, soon fell + asleep. If Martin dreamed at all, some clue to the matter of his visions + may possibly be gathered from the after-pages of this history. Those of + Thomas Pinch were all of holidays, church organs, and seraphic Pecksniffs. + It was some time before Mr Pecksniff dreamed at all, or even sought his + pillow, as he sat for full two hours before the fire in his own chamber, + looking at the coals and thinking deeply. But he, too, slept and dreamed + at last. Thus in the quiet hours of the night, one house shuts in as many + incoherent and incongruous fancies as a madman’s head. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SIX + </h2> + <p> + COMPRISES, AMONG OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS, PECKSNIFFIAN AND ARCHITECTURAL, + AND EXACT RELATION OF THE PROGRESS MADE BY MR PINCH IN THE CONFIDENCE AND + FRIENDSHIP OF THE NEW PUPIL + </p> + <p> + It was morning; and the beautiful Aurora, of whom so much hath been + written, said, and sung, did, with her rosy fingers, nip and tweak Miss + Pecksniff’s nose. It was the frolicsome custom of the Goddess, in her + intercourse with the fair Cherry, so to do; or in more prosaic phrase, the + tip of that feature in the sweet girl’s countenance was always very red at + breakfast-time. For the most part, indeed, it wore, at that season of the + day, a scraped and frosty look, as if it had been rasped; while a similar + phenomenon developed itself in her humour, which was then observed to be + of a sharp and acid quality, as though an extra lemon (figuratively + speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of her disposition, and had + rather damaged its flavour. + </p> + <p> + This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, on + ordinary occasions, to such slight consequences as the copious dilution of + Mr Pinch’s tea, or to his coming off uncommonly short in respect of + butter, or to other the like results. But on the morning after the + Installation Banquet, she suffered him to wander to and fro among the + eatables and drinkables, a perfectly free and unchecked man; so utterly to + Mr Pinch’s wonder and confusion, that like the wretched captive who + recovered his liberty in his old age, he could make but little use of his + enlargement, and fell into a strange kind of flutter for want of some kind + hand to scrape his bread, and cut him off in the article of sugar with a + lump, and pay him those other little attentions to which he was + accustomed. There was something almost awful, too, about the + self-possession of the new pupil; who ‘troubled’ Mr Pecksniff for the + loaf, and helped himself to a rasher of that gentleman’s own particular + and private bacon, with all the coolness in life. He even seemed to think + that he was doing quite a regular thing, and to expect that Mr Pinch would + follow his example, since he took occasion to observe of that young man + ‘that he didn’t get on’; a speech of so tremendous a character, that Tom + cast down his eyes involuntarily, and felt as if he himself had committed + some horrible deed and heinous breach of Mr Pecksniff’s confidence. + Indeed, the agony of having such an indiscreet remark addressed to him + before the assembled family, was breakfast enough in itself, and would, + without any other matter of reflection, have settled Mr Pinch’s business + and quenched his appetite, for one meal, though he had been never so + hungry. + </p> + <p> + The young ladies, however, and Mr Pecksniff likewise, remained in the very + best of spirits in spite of these severe trials, though with something of + a mysterious understanding among themselves. When the meal was nearly + over, Mr Pecksniff smilingly explained the cause of their common + satisfaction. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not often,’ he said, ‘Martin, that my daughters and I desert our + quiet home to pursue the giddy round of pleasures that revolves abroad. + But we think of doing so to-day.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, sir!’ cried the new pupil. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Mr Pecksniff, tapping his left hand with a letter which he + held in his right. ‘I have a summons here to repair to London; on + professional business, my dear Martin; strictly on professional business; + and I promised my girls, long ago, that whenever that happened again, they + should accompany me. We shall go forth to-night by the heavy coach—like + the dove of old, my dear Martin—and it will be a week before we + again deposit our olive-branches in the passage. When I say + olive-branches,’ observed Mr Pecksniff, in explanation, ‘I mean, our + unpretending luggage.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope the young ladies will enjoy their trip,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! that I’m sure we shall!’ cried Mercy, clapping her hands. ‘Good + gracious, Cherry, my darling, the idea of London!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ardent child!’ said Mr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamy way. ‘And yet + there is a melancholy sweetness in these youthful hopes! It is pleasant to + know that they never can be realised. I remember thinking once myself, in + the days of my childhood, that pickled onions grew on trees, and that + every elephant was born with an impregnable castle on his back. I have not + found the fact to be so; far from it; and yet those visions have comforted + me under circumstances of trial. Even when I have had the anguish of + discovering that I have nourished in my breast on ostrich, and not a human + pupil—even in that hour of agony, they have soothed me.’ + </p> + <p> + At this dread allusion to John Westlock, Mr Pinch precipitately choked in + his tea; for he had that very morning received a letter from him, as Mr + Pecksniff very well knew. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will take care, my dear Martin,’ said Mr Pecksniff, resuming his + former cheerfulness, ‘that the house does not run away in our absence. We + leave you in charge of everything. There is no mystery; all is free and + open. Unlike the young man in the Eastern tale—who is described as a + one-eyed almanac, if I am not mistaken, Mr Pinch?—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A one-eyed calender, I think, sir,’ faltered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘They are pretty nearly the same thing, I believe,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + smiling compassionately; ‘or they used to be in my time. Unlike that young + man, my dear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no corner of this house; + but are requested to make yourself perfectly at home in every part of it. + You will be jovial, my dear Martin, and will kill the fatted calf if you + please!’ + </p> + <p> + There was not the least objection, doubtless, to the young man’s + slaughtering and appropriating to his own use any calf, fat or lean, that + he might happen to find upon the premises; but as no such animal chanced + at that time to be grazing on Mr Pecksniff’s estate, this request must be + considered rather as a polite compliment that a substantial hospitality. + It was the finishing ornament of the conversation; for when he had + delivered it, Mr Pecksniff rose and led the way to that hotbed of + architectural genius, the two-pair front. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me see,’ he said, searching among the papers, ‘how you can best + employ yourself, Martin, while I am absent. Suppose you were to give me + your idea of a monument to a Lord Mayor of London; or a tomb for a + sheriff; or your notion of a cow-house to be erected in a nobleman’s park. + Do you know, now,’ said Mr Pecksniff, folding his hands, and looking at + his young relation with an air of pensive interest, ‘that I should very + much like to see your notion of a cow-house?’ + </p> + <p> + But Martin by no means appeared to relish this suggestion. + </p> + <p> + ‘A pump,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘is very chaste practice. I have found that a + lamp post is calculated to refine the mind and give it a classical + tendency. An ornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect upon the + imagination. What do you say to beginning with an ornamental turnpike?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Whatever Mr Pecksniff pleased,’ said Martin, doubtfully. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stay,’ said that gentleman. ‘Come! as you’re ambitious, and are a very + neat draughtsman, you shall—ha ha!—you shall try your hand on + these proposals for a grammar-school; regulating your plan, of course, by + the printed particulars. Upon my word, now,’ said Mr Pecksniff, merrily, + ‘I shall be very curious to see what you make of the grammar-school. Who + knows but a young man of your taste might hit upon something, + impracticable and unlikely in itself, but which I could put into shape? + For it really is, my dear Martin, it really is in the finishing touches + alone, that great experience and long study in these matters tell. Ha, ha, + ha! Now it really will be,’ continued Mr Pecksniff, clapping his young + friend on the back in his droll humour, ‘an amusement to me, to see what + you make of the grammar-school.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin readily undertook this task, and Mr Pecksniff forthwith proceeded + to entrust him with the materials necessary for its execution; dwelling + meanwhile on the magical effect of a few finishing touches from the hand + of a master; which, indeed, as some people said (and these were the old + enemies again!) was unquestionably very surprising, and almost miraculous; + as there were cases on record in which the masterly introduction of an + additional back window, or a kitchen door, or half-a-dozen steps, or even + a water spout, had made the design of a pupil Mr Pecksniff’s own work, and + had brought substantial rewards into that gentleman’s pocket. But such is + the magic of genius, which changes all it handles into gold! + </p> + <p> + ‘When your mind requires to be refreshed by change of occupation,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, ‘Thomas Pinch will instruct you in the art of surveying the + back garden, or in ascertaining the dead level of the road between this + house and the finger-post, or in any other practical and pleasing pursuit. + There are a cart-load of loose bricks, and a score or two of old + flower-pots, in the back yard. If you could pile them up my dear Martin, + into any form which would remind me on my return say of St. Peter’s at + Rome, or the Mosque of St. Sophia at Constantinople, it would be at once + improving to you and agreeable to my feelings. And now,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, in conclusion, ‘to drop, for the present, our professional + relations and advert to private matters, I shall be glad to talk with you + in my own room, while I pack up my portmanteau.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin attended him; and they remained in secret conference together for + an hour or more; leaving Tom Pinch alone. When the young man returned, he + was very taciturn and dull, in which state he remained all day; so that + Tom, after trying him once or twice with indifferent conversation, felt a + delicacy in obtruding himself upon his thoughts, and said no more. + </p> + <p> + He would not have had leisure to say much, had his new friend been ever so + loquacious; for first of all Mr Pecksniff called him down to stand upon + the top of his portmanteau and represent ancient statues there, until such + time as it would consent to be locked; and then Miss Charity called him to + come and cord her trunk; and then Miss Mercy sent for him to come and mend + her box; and then he wrote the fullest possible cards for all the luggage; + and then he volunteered to carry it all downstairs; and after that to see + it safely carried on a couple of barrows to the old finger-post at the end + of the lane; and then to mind it till the coach came up. In short, his + day’s work would have been a pretty heavy one for a porter, but his + thorough good-will made nothing of it; and as he sat upon the luggage at + last, waiting for the Pecksniffs, escorted by the new pupil, to come down + the lane, his heart was light with the hope of having pleased his + benefactor. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was almost afraid,’ said Tom, taking a letter from his pocket and + wiping his face, for he was hot with bustling about though it was a cold + day, ‘that I shouldn’t have had time to write it, and that would have been + a thousand pities; postage from such a distance being a serious + consideration, when one’s not rich. She will be glad to see my hand, poor + girl, and to hear that Pecksniff is as kind as ever. I would have asked + John Westlock to call and see her, and tell her all about me by word of + mouth, but I was afraid he might speak against Pecksniff to her, and make + her uneasy. Besides, they are particular people where she is, and it might + have rendered her situation uncomfortable if she had had a visit from a + young man like John. Poor Ruth!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch seemed a little disposed to be melancholy for half a minute or + so, but he found comfort very soon, and pursued his ruminations thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m a nice man, I don’t think, as John used to say (John was a kind, + merry-hearted fellow; I wish he had liked Pecksniff better), to be feeling + low, on account of the distance between us, when I ought to be thinking, + instead, of my extraordinary good luck in having ever got here. I must + have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I am sure, to have ever + come across Pecksniff. And here have I fallen again into my usual good + luck with the new pupil! Such an affable, generous, free fellow, as he is, + I never saw. Why, we were companions directly! and he a relation of + Pecksniff’s too, and a clever, dashing youth who might cut his way through + the world as if it were a cheese! Here he comes while the words are on my + lips’ said Tom; ‘walking down the lane as if the lane belonged to him.’ + </p> + <p> + In truth, the new pupil, not at all disconcerted by the honour of having + Miss Mercy Pecksniff on his arm, or by the affectionate adieux of that + young lady, approached as Mr Pinch spoke, followed by Miss Charity and Mr + Pecksniff. As the coach appeared at the same moment, Tom lost no time in + entreating the gentleman last mentioned, to undertake the delivery of his + letter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. ‘For your sister, + Thomas. Yes, oh yes, it shall be delivered, Mr Pinch. Make your mind easy + upon that score. She shall certainly have it, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + He made the promise with so much condescension and patronage, that Tom + felt he had asked a great deal (this had not occurred to his mind before), + and thanked him earnestly. The Miss Pecksniffs, according to a custom they + had, were amused beyond description at the mention of Mr Pinch’s sister. + Oh the fright! The bare idea of a Miss Pinch! Good heavens! + </p> + <p> + Tom was greatly pleased to see them so merry, for he took it as a token of + their favour, and good-humoured regard. Therefore he laughed too and + rubbed his hands and wished them a pleasant journey and safe return, and + was quite brisk. Even when the coach had rolled away with the + olive-branches in the boot and the family of doves inside, he stood waving + his hand and bowing; so much gratified by the unusually courteous + demeanour of the young ladies, that he was quite regardless, for the + moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who stood leaning thoughtfully against the + finger-post, and who after disposing of his fair charge had hardly lifted + his eyes from the ground. + </p> + <p> + The perfect silence which ensued upon the bustle and departure of the + coach, together with the sharp air of the wintry afternoon, roused them + both at the same time. They turned, as by mutual consent, and moved off + arm-in-arm. + </p> + <p> + ‘How melancholy you are!’ said Tom; ‘what is the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing worth speaking of,’ said Martin. ‘Very little more than was the + matter yesterday, and much more, I hope, than will be the matter + to-morrow. I’m out of spirits, Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ cried Tom, ‘now do you know I am in capital spirits today, and + scarcely ever felt more disposed to be good company. It was a very kind + thing in your predecessor, John, to write to me, was it not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, yes,’ said Martin carelessly; ‘I should have thought he would have + had enough to do to enjoy himself, without thinking of you, Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just what I felt to be so very likely,’ Tom rejoined; ‘but no, he keeps + his word, and says, “My dear Pinch, I often think of you,” and all sorts + of kind and considerate things of that description.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He must be a devilish good-natured fellow,’ said Martin, somewhat + peevishly: ‘because he can’t mean that, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t suppose he can, eh?’ said Tom, looking wistfully in his + companion’s face. ‘He says so to please me, you think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, is it likely,’ rejoined Martin, with greater earnestness, ‘that a + young man newly escaped from this kennel of a place, and fresh to all the + delights of being his own master in London, can have much leisure or + inclination to think favourably of anything or anybody he has left behind + him here? I put it to you, Pinch, is it natural?’ + </p> + <p> + After a short reflection, Mr Pinch replied, in a more subdued tone, that + to be sure it was unreasonable to expect any such thing, and that he had + no doubt Martin knew best. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I know best,’ Martin observed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I feel that,’ said Mr Pinch mildly. ‘I said so.’ And when he had + made this rejoinder, they fell into a blank silence again, which lasted + until they reached home; by which time it was dark. + </p> + <p> + Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience of + carrying them with her in the coach, and the impossibility of preserving + them by artificial means until the family’s return, had set forth, in a + couple of plates, the fragments of yesterday’s feast. In virtue of which + liberal arrangement, they had the happiness to find awaiting them in the + parlour two chaotic heaps of the remains of last night’s pleasure, + consisting of certain filmy bits of oranges, some mummied sandwiches, + various disrupted masses of the geological cake, and several entire + captain’s biscuits. That choice liquor in which to steep these dainties + might not be wanting, the remains of the two bottles of currant wine had + been poured together and corked with a curl-paper; so that every material + was at hand for making quite a heavy night of it. + </p> + <p> + Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinite + contempt, and stirring the fire into a blaze (to the great destruction of + Mr Pecksniff’s coals), sat moodily down before it, in the most comfortable + chair he could find. That he might the better squeeze himself into the + small corner that was left for him, Mr Pinch took up his position on Miss + Mercy Pecksniff’s stool, and setting his glass down upon the hearthrug and + putting his plate upon his knees, began to enjoy himself. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20132m.jpg" alt="20132m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20132.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + If Diogenes coming to life again could have rolled himself, tub and all, + into Mr Pecksniff’s parlour and could have seen Tom Pinch as he sat on + Mercy Pecksniff’s stool with his plate and glass before him he could not + have faced it out, though in his surliest mood, but must have smiled + good-temperedly. The perfect and entire satisfaction of Tom; his + surpassing appreciation of the husky sandwiches, which crumbled in his + mouth like saw-dust; the unspeakable relish with which he swallowed the + thin wine by drops, and smacked his lips, as though it were so rich and + generous that to lose an atom of its fruity flavour were a sin; the look + with which he paused sometimes, with his glass in his hand, proposing + silent toasts to himself; and the anxious shade that came upon his + contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in its + uninvaded snugness, his glance encountered the dull brow of his companion; + no cynic in the world, though in his hatred of its men a very griffin, + could have withstood these things in Thomas Pinch. + </p> + <p> + Some men would have slapped him on the back, and pledged him in a bumper + of the currant wine, though it had been the sharpest vinegar—aye, + and liked its flavour too; some would have seized him by his honest hand, + and thanked him for the lesson that his simple nature taught them. Some + would have laughed with, and others would have laughed at him; of which + last class was Martin Chuzzlewit, who, unable to restrain himself, at last + laughed loud and long. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s right,’ said Tom, nodding approvingly. ‘Cheer up! That’s capital!’ + </p> + <p> + At which encouragement young Martin laughed again; and said, as soon as he + had breath and gravity enough: + </p> + <p> + ‘I never saw such a fellow as you are, Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t you though?’ said Tom. ‘Well, it’s very likely you do find me + strange, because I have hardly seen anything of the world, and you have + seen a good deal I dare say?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well for my time of life,’ rejoined Martin, drawing his chair + still nearer to the fire, and spreading his feet out on the fender. ‘Deuce + take it, I must talk openly to somebody. I’ll talk openly to you, Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do!’ said Tom. ‘I shall take it as being very friendly of you,’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m not in your way, am I?’ inquired Martin, glancing down at Mr Pinch, + who was by this time looking at the fire over his leg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘You must know then, to make short of a long story,’ said Martin, + beginning with a kind of effort, as if the revelation were not agreeable + to him; ‘that I have been bred up from childhood with great expectations, + and have always been taught to believe that I should be, one day, very + rich. So I should have been, but for certain brief reasons which I am + going to tell you, and which have led to my being disinherited.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By your father?’ inquired Mr Pinch, with open eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘By my grandfather. I have had no parents these many years. Scarcely + within my remembrance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Neither have I,’ said Tom, touching the young man’s hand with his own and + timidly withdrawing it again. ‘Dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, as to that, you know, Pinch,’ pursued the other, stirring the fire + again, and speaking in his rapid, off-hand way; ‘it’s all very right and + proper to be fond of parents when we have them, and to bear them in + remembrance after they’re dead, if you have ever known anything of them. + But as I never did know anything about mine personally, you know, why, I + can’t be expected to be very sentimental about ‘em. And I am not; that’s + the truth.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was just then looking thoughtfully at the bars. But on his + companion pausing in this place, he started, and said ‘Oh! of course’—and + composed himself to listen again. + </p> + <p> + ‘In a word,’ said Martin, ‘I have been bred and reared all my life by this + grandfather of whom I have just spoken. Now, he has a great many good + points—there is no doubt about that; I’ll not disguise the fact from + you—but he has two very great faults, which are the staple of his + bad side. In the first place, he has the most confirmed obstinacy of + character you ever met with in any human creature. In the second, he is + most abominably selfish.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he indeed?’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘In those two respects,’ returned the other, ‘there never was such a man. + I have often heard from those who know, that they have been, time out of + mind, the failings of our family; and I believe there’s some truth in it. + But I can’t say of my own knowledge. All I have to do, you know, is to be + very thankful that they haven’t descended to me, and, to be very careful + that I don’t contract ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure,’ said Mr Pinch. ‘Very proper.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ resumed Martin, stirring the fire once more, and drawing his + chair still closer to it, ‘his selfishness makes him exacting, you see; + and his obstinacy makes him resolute in his exactions. The consequence is + that he has always exacted a great deal from me in the way of respect, and + submission, and self-denial when his wishes were in question, and so + forth. I have borne a great deal from him, because I have been under + obligations to him (if one can ever be said to be under obligations to + one’s own grandfather), and because I have been really attached to him; + but we have had a great many quarrels for all that, for I could not + accommodate myself to his ways very often—not out of the least + reference to myself, you understand, but because—’ he stammered + here, and was rather at a loss. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch being about the worst man in the world to help anybody out of a + difficulty of this sort, said nothing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! as you understand me,’ resumed Martin, quickly, ‘I needn’t hunt for + the precise expression I want. Now I come to the cream of my story, and + the occasion of my being here. I am in love, Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch looked up into his face with increased interest. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say I am in love. I am in love with one of the most beautiful girls the + sun ever shone upon. But she is wholly and entirely dependent upon the + pleasure of my grandfather; and if he were to know that she favoured my + passion, she would lose her home and everything she possesses in the + world. There is nothing very selfish in <i>that </i>love, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Selfish!’ cried Tom. ‘You have acted nobly. To love her as I am sure you + do, and yet in consideration for her state of dependence, not even to + disclose—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you talking about, Pinch?’ said Martin pettishly: ‘don’t make + yourself ridiculous, my good fellow! What do you mean by not disclosing?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon,’ answered Tom. ‘I thought you meant that, or I + wouldn’t have said it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I didn’t tell her I loved her, where would be the use of my being in + love?’ said Martin: ‘unless to keep myself in a perpetual state of worry + and vexation?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s true,’ Tom answered. ‘Well! I can guess what <i>she </i>said when you + told her,’ he added, glancing at Martin’s handsome face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, not exactly, Pinch,’ he rejoined, with a slight frown; ‘because she + has some girlish notions about duty and gratitude, and all the rest of it, + which are rather hard to fathom; but in the main you are right. Her heart + was mine, I found.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just what I supposed,’ said Tom. ‘Quite natural!’ and, in his great + satisfaction, he took a long sip out of his wine-glass. + </p> + <p> + ‘Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmost + circumspection,’ pursued Martin, ‘I had not managed matters so well but + that my grandfather, who is full of jealousy and distrust, suspected me of + loving her. He said nothing to her, but straightway attacked me in + private, and charged me with designing to corrupt the fidelity to himself + (there you observe his selfishness), of a young creature whom he had + trained and educated to be his only disinterested and faithful companion, + when he should have disposed of me in marriage to his heart’s content. + Upon that, I took fire immediately, and told him that with his good leave + I would dispose of myself in marriage, and would rather not be knocked + down by him or any other auctioneer to any bidder whomsoever.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch opened his eyes wider, and looked at the fire harder than he had + done yet. + </p> + <p> + ‘You may be sure,’ said Martin, ‘that this nettled him, and that he began + to be the very reverse of complimentary to myself. Interview succeeded + interview; words engendered words, as they always do; and the upshot of it + was, that I was to renounce her, or be renounced by him. Now you must bear + in mind, Pinch, that I am not only desperately fond of her (for though she + is poor, her beauty and intellect would reflect great credit on anybody, I + don’t care of what pretensions who might become her husband), but that a + chief ingredient in my composition is a most determined—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Obstinacy,’ suggested Tom in perfect good faith. But the suggestion was + not so well received as he had expected; for the young man immediately + rejoined, with some irritation, + </p> + <p> + ‘What a fellow you are, Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon,’ said Tom, ‘I thought you wanted a word.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t want that word,’ he rejoined. ‘I told you obstinacy was no part + of my character, did I not? I was going to say, if you had given me leave, + that a chief ingredient in my composition is a most determined firmness.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried Tom, screwing up his mouth, and nodding. ‘Yes, yes; I see!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And being firm,’ pursued Martin, ‘of course I was not going to yield to + him, or give way by so much as the thousandth part of an inch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘On the contrary, the more he urged, the more I was determined to oppose + him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure!’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well,’ rejoined Martin, throwing himself back in his chair, with a + careless wave of both hands, as if the subject were quite settled, and + nothing more could be said about it—‘There is an end of the matter, + and here am I!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch sat staring at the fire for some minutes with a puzzled look, + such as he might have assumed if some uncommonly difficult conundrum had + been proposed, which he found it impossible to guess. At length he said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff, of course, you had known before?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Only by name. No, I had never seen him, for my grandfather kept not only + himself but me, aloof from all his relations. But our separation took + place in a town in the adjoining country. From that place I came to + Salisbury, and there I saw Pecksniff’s advertisement, which I answered, + having always had some natural taste, I believe, in the matters to which + it referred, and thinking it might suit me. As soon as I found it to be + his, I was doubly bent on coming to him if possible, on account of his + being—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Such an excellent man,’ interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: ‘so he is. You + were quite right.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,’ returned + Martin, ‘as because my grandfather has an inveterate dislike to him, and + after the old man’s arbitrary treatment of me, I had a natural desire to + run as directly counter to all his opinions as I could. Well! As I said + before, here I am. My engagement with the young lady I have been telling + you about is likely to be a tolerably long one; for neither her prospects + nor mine are very bright; and of course I shall not think of marrying + until I am well able to do so. It would never do, you know, for me to be + plunging myself into poverty and shabbiness and love in one room up three + pair of stairs, and all that sort of thing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To say nothing of her,’ remarked Tom Pinch, in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly so,’ rejoined Martin, rising to warm his back, and leaning + against the chimney-piece. ‘To say nothing of her. At the same time, of + course it’s not very hard upon her to be obliged to yield to the necessity + of the case; first, because she loves me very much; and secondly, because + I have sacrificed a great deal on her account, and might have done much + better, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + It was a very long time before Tom said ‘Certainly;’ so long, that he + might have taken a nap in the interval, but he did say it at last. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this love-story,’ said + Martin, ‘which brings it to an end. You remember what you told me last + night as we were coming here, about your pretty visitor in the church?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Surely I do,’ said Tom, rising from his stool, and seating himself in the + chair from which the other had lately risen, that he might see his face. + ‘Undoubtedly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That was she.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I knew what you were going to say,’ cried Tom, looking fixedly at him, + and speaking very softly. ‘You don’t tell me so?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That was she,’ repeated the young man. ‘After what I have heard from + Pecksniff, I have no doubt that she came and went with my grandfather.—Don’t + you drink too much of that sour wine, or you’ll have a fit of some sort, + Pinch, I see.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not very wholesome, I am afraid,’ said Tom, setting down the empty + glass he had for some time held. ‘So that was she, was it?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin nodded assent; and adding, with a restless impatience, that if he + had been a few days earlier he would have seen her; and that now she might + be, for anything he knew, hundreds of miles away; threw himself, after a + few turns across the room, into a chair, and chafed like a spoilt child. + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch’s heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the most + indifferent person in distress; still less one who had awakened an + interest in him, and who regarded him (either in fact, or as he supposed) + with kindness, and in a spirit of lenient construction. Whatever his own + thoughts had been a few moments before—and to judge from his face + they must have been pretty serious—he dismissed them instantly, and + gave his young friend the best counsel and comfort that occurred to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘All will be well in time,’ said Tom, ‘I have no doubt; and some trial and + adversity just now will only serve to make you more attached to each other + in better days. I have always read that the truth is so, and I have a + feeling within me, which tells me how natural and right it is that it + should be. That never ran smooth yet,’ said Tom, with a smile which, + despite the homeliness of his face, was pleasanter to see than many a + proud beauty’s brightest glance; ‘what never ran smooth yet, can hardly be + expected to change its character for us; so we must take it as we find it, + and fashion it into the very best shape we can, by patience and + good-humour. I have no power at all; I needn’t tell you that; but I have + an excellent will; and if I could ever be of use to you, in any way + whatever, how very glad I should be!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Martin, shaking his hand. ‘You’re a good fellow, upon my + word, and speak very kindly. Of course you know,’ he added, after a + moment’s pause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, ‘I should not + hesitate to avail myself of your services if you could help me at all; but + mercy on us!’—Here he rumpled his hair impatiently with his hand, + and looked at Tom as if he took it rather ill that he was not somebody + else—‘you might as well be a toasting-fork or a frying-pan, Pinch, + for any help you can render me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Except in the inclination,’ said Tom, gently. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for + anything, I shouldn’t want help. I tell you what you may do, though, if + you will, and at the present moment too.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is that?’ demanded Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Read to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall be delighted,’ cried Tom, catching up the candle with enthusiasm. + ‘Excuse my leaving you in the dark a moment, and I’ll fetch a book + directly. What will you like? Shakespeare?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ replied his friend, yawning and stretching himself. ‘He’ll do. I am + tired with the bustle of to-day, and the novelty of everything about me; + and in such a case, there’s no greater luxury in the world, I think, than + being read to sleep. You won’t mind my going to sleep, if I can?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then begin as soon as you like. You needn’t leave off when you see me + getting drowsy (unless you feel tired), for it’s pleasant to wake + gradually to the sounds again. Did you ever try that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I never tried that,’ said Tom + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we’re both in the right + humour. Don’t mind leaving me in the dark. Look sharp!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch lost no time in moving away; and in a minute or two returned with + one of the precious volumes from the shelf beside his bed. Martin had in + the meantime made himself as comfortable as circumstances would permit, by + constructing before the fire a temporary sofa of three chairs with Mercy’s + stool for a pillow, and lying down at full-length upon it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t be too loud, please,’ he said to Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re sure you’re not cold’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am quite ready, then.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch accordingly, after turning over the leaves of his book with as + much care as if they were living and highly cherished creatures, made his + own selection, and began to read. Before he had completed fifty lines his + friend was snoring. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor fellow!’ said Tom, softly, as he stretched out his head to peep at + him over the backs of the chairs. ‘He is very young to have so much + trouble. How trustful and generous in him to bestow all this confidence in + me. And that was she, was it?’ + </p> + <p> + But suddenly remembering their compact, he took up the poem at the place + where he had left off, and went on reading; always forgetting to snuff the + candle, until its wick looked like a mushroom. He gradually became so much + interested, that he quite forgot to replenish the fire; and was only + reminded of his neglect by Martin Chuzzlewit starting up after the lapse + of an hour or so, and crying with a shiver. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it’s nearly out, I declare! No wonder I dreamed of being frozen. Do + call for some coals. What a fellow you are, Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SEVEN + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH MR CHEVY SLYME ASSERTS THE INDEPENDENCE OF HIS SPIRIT, AND THE + BLUE DRAGON LOSES A LIMB + </p> + <p> + Martin began to work at the grammar-school next morning, with so much + vigour and expedition, that Mr Pinch had new reason to do homage to the + natural endowments of that young gentleman, and to acknowledge his + infinite superiority to himself. The new pupil received Tom’s compliments + very graciously; and having by this time conceived a real regard for him, + in his own peculiar way, predicted that they would always be the very best + of friends, and that neither of them, he was certain (but particularly + Tom), would ever have reason to regret the day on which they became + acquainted. Mr Pinch was delighted to hear him say this, and felt so much + flattered by his kind assurances of friendship and protection, that he was + at a loss how to express the pleasure they afforded him. And indeed it may + be observed of this friendship, such as it was, that it had within it more + likely materials of endurance than many a sworn brotherhood that has been + rich in promise; for so long as the one party found a pleasure in + patronizing, and the other in being patronised (which was in the very + essence of their respective characters), it was of all possible events + among the least probable, that the twin demons, Envy and Pride, would ever + arise between them. So in very many cases of friendship, or what passes + for it, the old axiom is reversed, and like clings to unlike more than to + like. + </p> + <p> + They were both very busy on the afternoon succeeding the family’s + departure—Martin with the grammar-school, and Tom in balancing + certain receipts of rents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff’s commission from + the same; in which abstruse employment he was much distracted by a habit + his new friend had of whistling aloud while he was drawing—when they + were not a little startled by the unexpected obtrusion into that sanctuary + of genius, of a human head which, although a shaggy and somewhat alarming + head in appearance, smiled affably upon them from the doorway, in a manner + that was at once waggish, conciliatory, and expressive of approbation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not industrious myself, gents both,’ said the head, ‘but I know how + to appreciate that quality in others. I wish I may turn grey and ugly, if + it isn’t in my opinion, next to genius, one of the very charmingest + qualities of the human mind. Upon my soul, I am grateful to my friend + Pecksniff for helping me to the contemplation of such a delicious picture + as you present. You remind me of Whittington, afterwards thrice Lord Mayor + of London. I give you my unsullied word of honour, that you very strongly + remind me of that historical character. You are a pair of Whittingtons, + gents, without the cat; which is a most agreeable and blessed exception to + me, for I am not attached to the feline species. My name is Tigg; how do + you do?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin looked to Mr Pinch for an explanation; and Tom, who had never in + his life set eyes on Mr Tigg before, looked to that gentleman himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chevy Slyme?’ said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left hand in + token of friendship. ‘You will understand me when I say that I am the + accredited agent of Chevy Slyme; that I am the ambassador from the court + of Chiv? Ha ha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Heyday!’ asked Martin, starting at the mention of a name he knew. ‘Pray, + what does he want with me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If your name is Pinch’—Mr Tigg began. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not’ said Martin, checking himself. ‘That is Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If that is Mr Pinch,’ cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and beginning + to follow his head into the room, ‘he will permit me to say that I greatly + esteem and respect his character, which has been most highly commended to + me by my friend Pecksniff; and that I deeply appreciate his talent for the + organ, notwithstanding that I do not, if I may use the expression, grind + myself. If that is Mr Pinch, I will venture to express a hope that I see + him well, and that he is suffering no inconvenience from the easterly + wind?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Tom. ‘I am very well.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That is a comfort,’ Mr Tigg rejoined. ‘Then,’ he added, shielding his + lips with the palm of his hand, and applying them close to Mr Pinch’s ear, + ‘I have come for the letter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For the letter,’ said Tom, aloud. ‘What letter?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The letter,’ whispered Tigg in the same cautious manner as before, ‘which + my friend Pecksniff addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire, and left with you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He didn’t leave any letter with me,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush!’ cried the other. ‘It’s all the same thing, though not so + delicately done by my friend Pecksniff as I could have wished. The money.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The money!’ cried Tom quite scared. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly so,’ said Mr Tigg. With which he rapped Tom twice or thrice upon + the breast and nodded several times, as though he would say that he saw + they understood each other; that it was unnecessary to mention the + circumstance before a third person; and that he would take it as a + particular favour if Tom would slip the amount into his hand, as quietly + as possible. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch, however, was so very much astounded by this (to him) + inexplicable deportment, that he at once openly declared there must be + some mistake, and that he had been entrusted with no commission whatever + having any reference to Mr Tigg or to his friend, either. Mr Tigg received + this declaration with a grave request that Mr Pinch would have the + goodness to make it again; and on Tom’s repeating it in a still more + emphatic and unmistakable manner, checked it off, sentence for sentence, + by nodding his head solemnly at the end of each. When it had come to a + close for the second time, Mr Tigg sat himself down in a chair and + addressed the young men as follows: + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I tell you what it is, gents both. There is at this present moment + in this very place, a perfect constellation of talent and genius, who is + involved, through what I cannot but designate as the culpable negligence + of my friend Pecksniff, in a situation as tremendous, perhaps, as the + social intercourse of the nineteenth century will readily admit of. There + is actually at this instant, at the Blue Dragon in this village—an + ale-house, observe; a common, paltry, low-minded, clodhopping, + pipe-smoking ale-house—an individual, of whom it may be said, in the + language of the Poet, that nobody but himself can in any way come up to + him; who is detained there for his bill. Ha! ha! For his bill. I repeat it—for + his bill. Now,’ said Mr Tigg, ‘we have heard of Fox’s Book of Martyrs, I + believe, and we have heard of the Court of Requests, and the Star Chamber; + but I fear the contradiction of no man alive or dead, when I assert that + my friend Chevy Slyme being held in pawn for a bill, beats any amount of + cockfighting with which I am acquainted.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin and Mr Pinch looked, first at each other, and afterwards at Mr + Tigg, who with his arms folded on his breast surveyed them, half in + despondency and half in bitterness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t mistake me, gents both,’ he said, stretching forth his right hand. + ‘If it had been for anything but a bill, I could have borne it, and could + still have looked upon mankind with some feeling of respect; but when such + a man as my friend Slyme is detained for a score—a thing in itself + essentially mean; a low performance on a slate, or possibly chalked upon + the back of a door—I do feel that there is a screw of such magnitude + loose somewhere, that the whole framework of society is shaken, and the + very first principles of things can no longer be trusted. In short, gents + both,’ said Mr Tigg with a passionate flourish of his hands and head, + ‘when a man like Slyme is detained for such a thing as a bill, I reject + the superstitions of ages, and believe nothing. I don’t even believe that + I <i>don’t</i> believe, curse me if I do!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very sorry, I am sure,’ said Tom after a pause, ‘but Mr Pecksniff + said nothing to me about it, and I couldn’t act without his instructions. + Wouldn’t it be better, sir, if you were to go to—to wherever you + came from—yourself, and remit the money to your friend?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How can that be done, when I am detained also?’ said Mr Tigg; ‘and when + moreover, owing to the astounding, and I must add, guilty negligence of my + friend Pecksniff, I have no money for coach-hire?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom thought of reminding the gentleman (who, no doubt, in his agitation + had forgotten it) that there was a post-office in the land; and that + possibly if he wrote to some friend or agent for a remittance it might not + be lost upon the road; or at all events that the chance, however + desperate, was worth trusting to. But, as his good-nature presently + suggested to him certain reasons for abstaining from this hint, he paused + again, and then asked: + </p> + <p> + ‘Did you say, sir, that you were detained also?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come here,’ said Mr Tigg, rising. ‘You have no objection to my opening + this window for a moment?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly not,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good,’ said Mr Tigg, lifting the sash. ‘You see a fellow down there + in a red neckcloth and no waistcoat?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I do,’ cried Tom. ‘That’s Mark Tapley.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark Tapley is it?’ said the gentleman. ‘Then Mark Tapley had not only + the great politeness to follow me to this house, but is waiting now, to + see me home again. And for that attention, sir,’ added Mr Tigg, stroking + his moustache, ‘I can tell you, that Mark Tapley had better in his infancy + have been fed to suffocation by Mrs Tapley, than preserved to this time.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he had + voice enough to call to Mark to come in, and upstairs; a summons which he + so speedily obeyed, that almost as soon as Tom and Mr Tigg had drawn in + their heads and closed the window again, he, the denounced, appeared + before them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come here, Mark!’ said Mr Pinch. ‘Good gracious me! what’s the matter + between Mrs Lupin and this gentleman?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What gentleman, sir?’ said Mark. ‘I don’t see no gentleman here sir, + excepting you and the new gentleman,’ to whom he made a rough kind of bow—‘and + there’s nothing wrong between Mrs Lupin and either of you, Mr Pinch, I am + sure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nonsense, Mark!’ cried Tom. ‘You see Mr—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tigg,’ interposed that gentleman. ‘Wait a bit. I shall crush him soon. + All in good time!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh <i>him</i>!’ rejoined Mark, with an air of careless defiance. ‘Yes, I see + <i>him</i>. I could see him a little better, if he’d shave himself, and get his + hair cut.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tigg shook his head with a ferocious look, and smote himself once upon + the breast. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s no use,’ said Mark. ‘If you knock ever so much in that quarter, + you’ll get no answer. I know better. There’s nothing there but padding; + and a greasy sort it is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nay, Mark,’ urged Mr Pinch, interposing to prevent hostilities, ‘tell me + what I ask you. You’re not out of temper, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Out of temper, sir!’ cried Mark, with a grin; ‘why no, sir. There’s a + little credit—not much—in being jolly, when such fellows as + him is a-going about like roaring lions; if there is any breed of lions, + at least, as is all roar and mane. What is there between him and Mrs + Lupin, sir? Why, there’s a score between him and Mrs Lupin. And I think + Mrs Lupin lets him and his friend off very easy in not charging ‘em double + prices for being a disgrace to the Dragon. That’s my opinion. I wouldn’t + have any such Peter the Wild Boy as him in my house, sir, not if I was + paid race-week prices for it. He’s enough to turn the very beer in the + casks sour with his looks; he is! So he would, if it had judgment enough.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re not answering my question, you know, Mark,’ observed Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ said Mark, ‘I don’t know as there’s much to answer further + than that. Him and his friend goes and stops at the Moon and Stars till + they’ve run a bill there; and then comes and stops with us and does the + same. The running of bills is common enough Mr Pinch; it an’t that as we + object to; it’s the ways of this chap. Nothing’s good enough for him; all + the women is dying for him he thinks, and is overpaid if he winks at ‘em; + and all the men was made to be ordered about by him. This not being + aggravation enough, he says this morning to me, in his usual captivating + way, “We’re going to-night, my man.” “Are you, sir?” says I. “Perhaps + you’d like the bill got ready, sir?” “Oh no, my man,” he says; “you + needn’t mind that. I’ll give Pecksniff orders to see to that.” In reply to + which, the Dragon makes answer, “Thankee, sir, you’re very kind to honour + us so far, but as we don’t know any particular good of you, and you don’t + travel with luggage, and Mr Pecksniff an’t at home (which perhaps you + mayn’t happen to be aware of, sir), we should prefer something more + satisfactory;” and that’s where the matter stands. And I ask,’ said Mr + Tapley, pointing, in conclusion, to Mr Tigg, with his hat, ‘any lady or + gentleman, possessing ordinary strength of mind, to say whether he’s a + disagreeable-looking chap or not!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me inquire,’ said Martin, interposing between this candid speech and + the delivery of some blighting anathema by Mr Tigg, ‘what the amount of + this debt may be?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In point of money, sir, very little,’ answered Mark. ‘Only just turned of + three pounds. But it an’t that; it’s the—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes, you told us so before,’ said Martin. ‘Pinch, a word with you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is it?’ asked Tom, retiring with him to a corner of the room. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, simply—I am ashamed to say—that this Mr Slyme is a + relation of mine, of whom I never heard anything pleasant; and that I + don’t want him here just now, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, + perhaps, for three or four pounds. You haven’t enough money to pay this + bill, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom shook his head to an extent that left no doubt of his entire + sincerity. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, I’d + have borrowed it of you. But if we told this landlady we would see her + paid, I suppose that would answer the same purpose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear, yes!’ said Tom. ‘She knows me, bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then let us go down at once and tell her so; for the sooner we are rid of + their company the better. As you have conducted the conversation with this + gentleman hitherto, perhaps you’ll tell him what we purpose doing; will + you?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch, complying, at once imparted the intelligence to Mr Tigg, who + shook him warmly by the hand in return, assuring him that his faith in + anything and everything was again restored. It was not so much, he said, + for the temporary relief of this assistance that he prized it, as for its + vindication of the high principle that Nature’s Nobs felt with Nature’s + Nobs, and that true greatness of soul sympathized with true greatness of + soul, all the world over. It proved to him, he said, that like him they + admired genius, even when it was coupled with the alloy occasionally + visible in the metal of his friend Slyme; and on behalf of that friend, he + thanked them; as warmly and heartily as if the cause were his own. Being + cut short in these speeches by a general move towards the stairs, he took + possession at the street door of the lapel of Mr Pinch’s coat, as a + security against further interruption; and entertained that gentleman with + some highly improving discourse until they reached the Dragon, whither + they were closely followed by Mark and the new pupil. + </p> + <p> + The rosy hostess scarcely needed Mr Pinch’s word as a preliminary to the + release of her two visitors, of whom she was glad to be rid on any terms; + indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with Mr Tapley, who + entertained a constitutional dislike to gentleman out-at-elbows who + flourished on false pretences; and had conceived a particular aversion to + Mr Tigg and his friend, as choice specimens of the species. The business + in hand thus easily settled, Mr Pinch and Martin would have withdrawn + immediately, but for the urgent entreaties of Mr Tigg that they would + allow him the honour of presenting them to his friend Slyme, which were so + very difficult of resistance that, yielding partly to these persuasions + and partly to their own curiosity, they suffered themselves to be ushered + into the presence of that distinguished gentleman. + </p> + <p> + He was brooding over the remains of yesterday’s decanter of brandy, and + was engaged in the thoughtful occupation of making a chain of rings on the + top of the table with the wet foot of his drinking-glass. Wretched and + forlorn as he looked, Mr Slyme had once been in his way, the choicest of + swaggerers; putting forth his pretensions boldly, as a man of infinite + taste and most undoubted promise. The stock-in-trade requisite to set up + an amateur in this department of business is very slight, and easily got + together; a trick of the nose and a curl of the lip sufficient to compound + a tolerable sneer, being ample provision for any exigency. But, in an evil + hour, this off-shoot of the Chuzzlewit trunk, being lazy, and ill + qualified for any regular pursuit and having dissipated such means as he + ever possessed, had formally established himself as a professor of Taste + for a livelihood; and finding, too late, that something more than his old + amount of qualifications was necessary to sustain him in this calling, had + quickly fallen to his present level, where he retained nothing of his old + self but his boastfulness and his bile, and seemed to have no existence + separate or apart from his friend Tigg. And now so abject and so pitiful + was he—at once so maudlin, insolent, beggarly, and proud—that + even his friend and parasite, standing erect beside him, swelled into a + Man by contrast. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chiv,’ said Mr Tigg, clapping him on the back, ‘my friend Pecksniff not + being at home, I have arranged our trifling piece of business with Mr + Pinch and friend. Mr Pinch and friend, Mr Chevy Slyme! Chiv, Mr Pinch and + friend!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to + strangers,’ said Chevy Slyme, turning his bloodshot eyes towards Tom + Pinch. ‘I am the most miserable man in the world, I believe!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom begged he wouldn’t mention it; and finding him in this condition, + retired, after an awkward pause, followed by Martin. But Mr Tigg so + urgently conjured them, by coughs and signs, to remain in the shadow of + the door, that they stopped there. + </p> + <p> + ‘I swear,’ cried Mr Slyme, giving the table an imbecile blow with his + fist, and then feebly leaning his head upon his hand, while some drunken + drops oozed from his eyes, ‘that I am the wretchedest creature on record. + Society is in a conspiracy against me. I’m the most literary man alive. + I’m full of scholarship. I’m full of genius; I’m full of information; I’m + full of novel views on every subject; yet look at my condition! I’m at + this moment obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tigg replenished his friend’s glass, pressed it into his hand, and + nodded an intimation to the visitors that they would see him in a better + aspect immediately. + </p> + <p> + ‘Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!’ repeated Mr Slyme, after + a sulky application to his glass. ‘Very pretty! And crowds of impostors, + the while, becoming famous; men who are no more on a level with me than—Tigg, + I take you to witness that I am the most persecuted hound on the face of + the earth.’ + </p> + <p> + With a whine, not unlike the cry of the animal he named, in its lowest + state of humiliation, he raised his glass to his mouth again. He found + some encouragement in it; for when he set it down he laughed scornfully. + Upon that Mr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors once more, and with great + expression, implying that now the time was come when they would see Chiv + in his greatness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha, ha,’ laughed Mr Slyme. ‘Obliged to two strangers for a tavern + bill! Yet I think I’ve a rich uncle, Tigg, who could buy up the uncles of + fifty strangers! Have I, or have I not? I come of a good family, I + believe! Do I, or do I not? I’m not a man of common capacity or + accomplishments, I think! Am I, or am I not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are the American aloe of the human race, my dear Chiv,’ said Mr Tigg, + ‘which only blooms once in a hundred years!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha, ha!’ laughed Mr Slyme again. ‘Obliged to two strangers for a + tavern bill! I obliged to two architect’s apprentices. Fellows who measure + earth with iron chains, and build houses like bricklayers. Give me the + names of those two apprentices. How dare they oblige me!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his friend’s + character; as he made known to Mr Pinch in a neat little ballet of action, + spontaneously invented for the purpose. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll let ‘em know, and I’ll let all men know,’ cried Chevy Slyme, ‘that + I’m none of the mean, grovelling, tame characters they meet with commonly. + I have an independent spirit. I have a heart that swells in my bosom. I + have a soul that rises superior to base considerations.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh Chiv, Chiv,’ murmured Mr Tigg, ‘you have a nobly independent nature, + Chiv!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You go and do your duty, sir,’ said Mr Slyme, angrily, ‘and borrow money + for travelling expenses; and whoever you borrow it of, let ‘em know that I + possess a haughty spirit, and a proud spirit, and have infernally + finely-touched chords in my nature, which won’t brook patronage. Do you + hear? Tell ‘em I hate ‘em, and that that’s the way I preserve my + self-respect; and tell ‘em that no man ever respected himself more than I + do!’ + </p> + <p> + He might have added that he hated two sorts of men; all those who did him + favours, and all those who were better off than himself; as in either case + their position was an insult to a man of his stupendous merits. But he did + not; for with the apt closing words above recited, Mr Slyme; of too + haughty a stomach to work, to beg, to borrow, or to steal; yet mean enough + to be worked or borrowed, begged or stolen for, by any catspaw that would + serve his turn; too insolent to lick the hand that fed him in his need, + yet cur enough to bite and tear it in the dark; with these apt closing + words Mr Slyme fell forward with his head upon the table, and so declined + into a sodden sleep. + </p> + <p> + ‘Was there ever,’ cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door, and + shutting it carefully behind him, ‘such an independent spirit as is + possessed by that extraordinary creature? Was there ever such a Roman as + our friend Chiv? Was there ever a man of such a purely classical turn of + thought, and of such a toga-like simplicity of nature? Was there ever a + man with such a flow of eloquence? Might he not, gents both, I ask, have + sat upon a tripod in the ancient times, and prophesied to a perfectly + unlimited extent, if previously supplied with gin-and-water at the public + cost?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual + mildness, when, observing that his companion had already gone downstairs, + he prepared to follow him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not going, Mr Pinch?’ said Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ answered Tom. ‘Yes. Don’t come down.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you know that I should like one little word in private with you Mr + Pinch?’ said Tigg, following him. ‘One minute of your company in the + skittle-ground would very much relieve my mind. Might I beseech that + favour?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, certainly,’ replied Tom, ‘if you really wish it.’ So he accompanied + Mr Tigg to the retreat in question; on arriving at which place that + gentleman took from his hat what seemed to be the fossil remains of an + antediluvian pocket-handkerchief, and wiped his eyes therewith. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have not beheld me this day,’ said Mr Tigg, ‘in a favourable light.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t mention that,’ said Tom, ‘I beg.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But you have <i>not</i>,’ cried Tigg. ‘I must persist in that opinion. If you + could have seen me, Mr Pinch, at the head of my regiment on the coast of + Africa, charging in the form of a hollow square, with the women and + children and the regimental plate-chest in the centre, you would not have + known me for the same man. You would have respected me, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom had certain ideas of his own upon the subject of glory; and + consequently he was not quite so much excited by this picture as Mr Tigg + could have desired. + </p> + <p> + ‘But no matter!’ said that gentleman. ‘The school-boy writing home to his + parents and describing the milk-and-water, said “This is indeed weakness.” + I repeat that assertion in reference to myself at the present moment; and + I ask your pardon. Sir, you have seen my friend Slyme?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No doubt,’ said Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir, you have been impressed by my friend Slyme?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not very pleasantly, I must say,’ answered Tom, after a little + hesitation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am grieved but not surprised,’ cried Mr Tigg, detaining him with both + hands, ‘to hear that you have come to that conclusion; for it is my own. + But, Mr Pinch, though I am a rough and thoughtless man, I can honour Mind. + I honour Mind in following my friend. To you of all men, Mr Pinch, I have + a right to make appeal on Mind’s behalf, when it has not the art to push + its fortune in the world. And so, sir—not for myself, who have no + claim upon you, but for my crushed, my sensitive and independent friend, + who has—I ask the loan of three half-crowns. I ask you for the loan + of three half-crowns, distinctly, and without a blush. I ask it, almost as + a right. And when I add that they will be returned by post, this week, I + feel that you will blame me for that sordid stipulation.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch took from his pocket an old-fashioned red-leather purse with a + steel clasp, which had probably once belonged to his deceased grandmother. + It held one half-sovereign and no more. All Tom’s worldly wealth until + next quarter-day. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stay!’ cried Mr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. ‘I was just + about to say, that for the convenience of posting you had better make it + gold. Thank you. A general direction, I suppose, to Mr Pinch at Mr + Pecksniff’s—will that find you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’ll find me,’ said Tom. ‘You had better put Esquire to Mr Pecksniff’s + name, if you please. Direct to me, you know, at Seth Pecksniff’s, + Esquire.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At Seth Pecksniff’s, Esquire,’ repeated Mr Tigg, taking an exact note of + it with a stump of pencil. ‘We said this week, I believe?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes; or Monday will do,’ observed Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will <i>not </i>do,’ said Mr Tigg. ‘If we + stipulated for this week, Saturday is the latest day. Did we stipulate for + this week?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Since you are so particular about it,’ said Tom, ‘I think we did.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over to + himself with a severe frown; and that the transaction might be the more + correct and business-like, appended his initials to the whole. That done, + he assured Mr Pinch that everything was now perfectly regular; and, after + squeezing his hand with great fervour, departed. + </p> + <p> + Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn this + interview into a jest, to render him desirous to avoid the company of that + young gentleman for the present. With this view he took a few turns up and + down the skittle-ground, and did not re-enter the house until Mr Tigg and + his friend had quitted it, and the new pupil and Mark were watching their + departure from one of the windows. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was just a-saying, sir, that if one could live by it,’ observed Mark, + pointing after their late guests, ‘that would be the sort of service for + me. Waiting on such individuals as them would be better than + grave-digging, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And staying here would be better than either, Mark,’ replied Tom. ‘So + take my advice, and continue to swim easily in smooth water.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s too late to take it now, sir,’ said Mark. ‘I have broke it to her, + sir. I am off to-morrow morning.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Off!’ cried Mr Pinch, ‘where to?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall go up to London, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What to be?’ asked Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! I don’t know yet, sir. Nothing turned up that day I opened my mind + to you, as was at all likely to suit me. All them trades I thought of was + a deal too jolly; there was no credit at all to be got in any of ‘em. I + must look for a private service, I suppose, sir. I might be brought out + strong, perhaps, in a serious family, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family’s + taste, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might do + myself justice; but the difficulty is to make sure of one’s ground, + because a young man can’t very well advertise that he wants a place, and + wages an’t so much an object as a wicked sitivation; can he, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, no,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘I don’t think he can.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘An envious family,’ pursued Mark, with a thoughtful face; ‘or a + quarrelsome family, or a malicious family, or even a good out-and-out mean + family, would open a field of action as I might do something in. The man + as would have suited me of all other men was that old gentleman as was + took ill here, for he really was a trying customer. Howsever, I must wait + and see what turns up, sir; and hope for the worst.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are determined to go then?’ said Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘My box is gone already, sir, by the waggon, and I’m going to walk on + to-morrow morning, and get a lift by the day coach when it overtakes me. + So I wish you good-bye, Mr Pinch—and you too, sir—and all good + luck and happiness!’ + </p> + <p> + They both returned his greeting laughingly, and walked home arm-in-arm. Mr + Pinch imparting to his new friend, as they went, such further particulars + of Mark Tapley’s whimsical restlessness as the reader is already + acquainted with. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime Mark, having a shrewd notion that his mistress was in very + low spirits, and that he could not exactly answer for the consequences of + any lengthened <i>tete-a-tete</i> in the bar, kept himself obstinately out of her + way all the afternoon and evening. In this piece of generalship he was + very much assisted by the great influx of company into the taproom; for + the news of his intention having gone abroad, there was a perfect throng + there all the evening, and much drinking of healths and clinking of mugs. + At length the house was closed for the night; and there being now no help + for it, Mark put the best face he could upon the matter, and walked + doggedly to the bar-door. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I look at her,’ said Mark to himself, ‘I’m done. I feel that I’m + a-going fast.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have come at last,’ said Mrs Lupin. + </p> + <p> + Aye, Mark said: There he was. + </p> + <p> + ‘And you are determined to leave us, Mark?’ cried Mrs Lupin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, yes; I am,’ said Mark; keeping his eyes hard upon the floor. + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought,’ pursued the landlady, with a most engaging hesitation, ‘that + you had been—fond—of the Dragon?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So I am,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then,’ pursued the hostess—and it really was not an unnatural + inquiry—‘why do you desert it?’ + </p> + <p> + But as he gave no manner of answer to this question; not even on its being + repeated; Mrs Lupin put his money into his hand, and asked him—not + unkindly, quite the contrary—what he would take? + </p> + <p> + It is proverbial that there are certain things which flesh and blood + cannot bear. Such a question as this, propounded in such a manner, at such + a time, and by such a person, proved (at least, as far as, Mark’s flesh + and blood were concerned) to be one of them. He looked up in spite of + himself directly; and having once looked up, there was no looking down + again; for of all the tight, plump, buxom, bright-eyed, dimple-faced + landladies that ever shone on earth, there stood before him then, bodily + in that bar, the very pink and pineapple. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I tell you what,’ said Mark, throwing off all his constraint in an + instant and seizing the hostess round the waist—at which she was not + at all alarmed, for she knew what a good young man he was—‘if I took + what I liked most, I should take you. If I only thought what was best for + me, I should take you. If I took what nineteen young fellows in twenty + would be glad to take, and would take at any price, I should take you. + Yes, I should,’ cried Mr Tapley, shaking his head expressively enough, and + looking (in a momentary state of forgetfulness) rather hard at the + hostess’s ripe lips. ‘And no man wouldn’t wonder if I did!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. She was astonished how he could say such + things. She had never thought it of him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I never thought if of myself till now!’ said Mark, raising his + eyebrows with a look of the merriest possible surprise. ‘I always expected + we should part, and never have no explanation; I meant to do it when I + come in here just now; but there’s something about you, as makes a man + sensible. Then let us have a word or two together; letting it be + understood beforehand,’ he added this in a grave tone, to prevent the + possibility of any mistake, ‘that I’m not a-going to make no love, you + know.’ + </p> + <p> + There was for just one second a shade, though not by any means a dark one, + on the landlady’s open brow. But it passed off instantly, in a laugh that + came from her very heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, very good!’ she said; ‘if there is to be no love-making, you had + better take your arm away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord, why should I!’ cried Mark. ‘It’s quite innocent.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course it’s innocent,’ returned the hostess, ‘or I shouldn’t allow + it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well!’ said Mark. ‘Then let it be.’ + </p> + <p> + There was so much reason in this that the landlady laughed again, suffered + it to remain, and bade him say what he had to say, and be quick about it. + But he was an impudent fellow, she added. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha ha! I almost think I am!’ cried Mark, ‘though I never thought so + before. Why, I can say anything to-night!’ + + ‘Say what you’re going to say if you please, and be quick,’ returned the + landlady, ‘for I want to get to bed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then, my dear good soul,’ said Mark, ‘and a kinder woman than you + are never drawed breath—let me see the man as says she did!—what + would be the likely consequence of us two being—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh nonsense!’ cried Mrs Lupin. ‘Don’t talk about that any more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, but it an’t nonsense,’ said Mark; ‘and I wish you’d attend. What + would be the likely consequence of us two being married? If I can’t be + content and comfortable in this here lively Dragon now, is it to be looked + for as I should be then? By no means. Very good. Then you, even with your + good humour, would be always on the fret and worrit, always uncomfortable + in your own mind, always a-thinking as you was getting too old for my + taste, always a-picturing me to yourself as being chained up to the Dragon + door, and wanting to break away. I don’t know that it would be so,’ said + Mark, ‘but I don’t know that it mightn’t be. I am a roving sort of chap, I + know. I’m fond of change. I’m always a-thinking that with my good health + and spirits it would be more creditable in me to be jolly where there’s + things a-going on to make one dismal. It may be a mistake of mine you see, + but nothing short of trying how it acts will set it right. Then an’t it + best that I should go; particular when your free way has helped me out to + say all this, and we can part as good friends as we have ever been since + first I entered this here noble Dragon, which,’ said Mr Tapley in + conclusion, ‘has my good word and my good wish to the day of my death!’ + </p> + <p> + The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon put both + her hands in Mark’s and shook them heartily. + </p> + <p> + ‘For you are a good man,’ she said; looking into his face with a smile, + which was rather serious for her. ‘And I do believe have been a better + friend to me to-night than ever I have had in all my life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! as to that, you know,’ said Mark, ‘that’s nonsense. But love my heart + alive!’ he added, looking at her in a sort of rapture, ‘if you <i>are </i>that + way disposed, what a lot of suitable husbands there is as you may drive + distracted!’ + </p> + <p> + She laughed again at this compliment; and, once more shaking him by both + hands, and bidding him, if he should ever want a friend, to remember her, + turned gayly from the little bar and up the Dragon staircase. + </p> + <p> + ‘Humming a tune as she goes,’ said Mark, listening, ‘in case I should + think she’s at all put out, and should be made down-hearted. Come, here’s + some credit in being jolly, at last!’ + </p> + <p> + With that piece of comfort, very ruefully uttered, he went, in anything + but a jolly manner, to bed. + </p> + <p> + He rose early next morning, and was a-foot soon after sunrise. But it was + of no use; the whole place was up to see Mark Tapley off; the boys, the + dogs, the children, the old men, the busy people and the idlers; there + they were, all calling out ‘Good-b’ye, Mark,’ after their own manner, and + all sorry he was going. Somehow he had a kind of sense that his old + mistress was peeping from her chamber-window, but he couldn’t make up his + mind to look back. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good-b’ye one, good-b’ye all!’ cried Mark, waving his hat on the top of + his walking-stick, as he strode at a quick pace up the little street. + ‘Hearty chaps them wheelwrights—hurrah! Here’s the butcher’s dog + a-coming out of the garden—down, old fellow! And Mr Pinch a-going to + his organ—good-b’ye, sir! And the terrier-bitch from over the way—hie, + then, lass! And children enough to hand down human natur to the latest + posterity—good-b’ye, boys and girls! There’s some credit in it now. + I’m a-coming out strong at last. These are the circumstances that would + try a ordinary mind; but I’m uncommon jolly. Not quite as jolly as I could + wish to be, but very near. Good-b’ye! good-b’ye!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER EIGHT + </h2> + <p> + ACCOMPANIES MR PECKSNIFF AND HIS CHARMING DAUGHTERS TO THE CITY OF LONDON; + AND RELATES WHAT FELL OUT UPON THEIR WAY THITHER + </p> + <p> + When Mr Pecksniff and the two young ladies got into the heavy coach at the + end of the lane, they found it empty, which was a great comfort; + particularly as the outside was quite full and the passengers looked very + frosty. For as Mr Pecksniff justly observed—when he and his + daughters had burrowed their feet deep in the straw, wrapped themselves to + the chin, and pulled up both windows—it is always satisfactory to + feel, in keen weather, that many other people are not as warm as you are. + And this, he said, was quite natural, and a very beautiful arrangement; + not confined to coaches, but extending itself into many social + ramifications. ‘For’ (he observed), ‘if every one were warm and well-fed, + we should lose the satisfaction of admiring the fortitude with which + certain conditions of men bear cold and hunger. And if we were no better + off than anybody else, what would become of our sense of gratitude; + which,’ said Mr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook his fist at + a beggar who wanted to get up behind, ‘is one of the holiest feelings of + our common nature.’ + </p> + <p> + His children heard with becoming reverence these moral precepts from the + lips of their father, and signified their acquiescence in the same, by + smiles. That he might the better feed and cherish that sacred flame of + gratitude in his breast, Mr Pecksniff remarked that he would trouble his + eldest daughter, even in this early stage of their journey, for the + brandy-bottle. And from the narrow neck of that stone vessel he imbibed a + copious refreshment. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are we?’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘but coaches? Some of us are slow + coaches’— + </p> + <p> + ‘Goodness, Pa!’ cried Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Some of us, I say,’ resumed her parent with increased emphasis, ‘are slow + coaches; some of us are fast coaches. Our passions are the horses; and + rampant animals too—!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Really, Pa,’ cried both the daughters at once. ‘How very unpleasant.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And rampant animals too’ repeated Mr Pecksniff with so much + determination, that he may be said to have exhibited, at the moment a sort + of moral rampancy himself;’—and Virtue is the drag. We start from + The Mother’s Arms, and we run to The Dust Shovel.’ + </p> + <p> + When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some further + refreshment. When he had done that, he corked the bottle tight, with the + air of a man who had effectually corked the subject also; and went to + sleep for three stages. + </p> + <p> + The tendency of mankind when it falls asleep in coaches, is to wake up + cross; to find its legs in its way; and its corns an aggravation. Mr + Pecksniff not being exempt from the common lot of humanity found himself, + at the end of his nap, so decidedly the victim of these infirmities, that + he had an irresistible inclination to visit them upon his daughters; which + he had already begun to do in the shape of divers random kicks, and other + unexpected motions of his shoes, when the coach stopped, and after a short + delay the door was opened. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now mind,’ said a thin sharp voice in the dark. ‘I and my son go inside, + because the roof is full, but you agree only to charge us outside prices. + It’s quite understood that we won’t pay more. Is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All right, sir,’ replied the guard. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is there anybody inside now?’ inquired the voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Three passengers,’ returned the guard. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they will be + so good,’ said the voice. ‘My boy, I think we may safely get in.’ + </p> + <p> + In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the vehicle, + which was solemnly licensed by Act of Parliament to carry any six persons + who could be got in at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘That was lucky!’ whispered the old man, when they moved on again. ‘And a + great stroke of policy in you to observe it. He, he, he! We couldn’t have + gone outside. I should have died of the rheumatism!’ + </p> + <p> + Whether it occurred to the dutiful son that he had in some degree + over-reached himself by contributing to the prolongation of his father’s + days; or whether the cold had effected his temper; is doubtful. But he + gave his father such a nudge in reply, that that good old gentleman was + taken with a cough which lasted for full five minutes without + intermission, and goaded Mr Pecksniff to that pitch of irritation, that he + said at last—and very suddenly: + </p> + <p> + ‘There is no room! There is really no room in this coach for any gentleman + with a cold in his head!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mine,’ said the old man, after a moment’s pause, ‘is upon my chest, + Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The voice and manner, together, now that he spoke out; the composure of + the speaker; the presence of his son; and his knowledge of Mr Pecksniff; + afforded a clue to his identity which it was impossible to mistake. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hem! I thought,’ said Mr Pecksniff, returning to his usual mildness, + ‘that I addressed a stranger. I find that I address a relative, Mr Anthony + Chuzzlewit and his son Mr Jonas—for they, my dear children, are our + travelling companions—will excuse me for an apparently harsh remark. + It is not <i>my</i> desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am + connected in family bonds. I may be a Hypocrite,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + cuttingly; ‘but I am not a Brute.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pooh, pooh!’ said the old man. ‘What signifies that word, Pecksniff? + Hypocrite! why, we are all hypocrites. We were all hypocrites t’other day. + I am sure I felt that to be agreed upon among us, or I shouldn’t have + called you one. We should not have been there at all, if we had not been + hypocrites. The only difference between you and the rest was—shall I + tell you the difference between you and the rest now, Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you please, my good sir; if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, the annoying quality in <i>you</i>, is,’ said the old man, ‘that you never + have a confederate or partner in <i>your </i>juggling; you would deceive + everybody, even those who practise the same art; and have a way with you, + as if you—he, he, he!—as if you really believed yourself. I’d + lay a handsome wager now,’ said the old man, ‘if I laid wagers, which I + don’t and never did, that you keep up appearances by a tacit + understanding, even before your own daughters here. Now I, when I have a + business scheme in hand, tell Jonas what it is, and we discuss it openly. + You’re not offended, Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Offended, my good sir!’ cried that gentleman, as if he had received the + highest compliments that language could convey. + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you travelling to London, Mr Pecksniff?’ asked the son. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Mr Jonas, we are travelling to London. We shall have the pleasure of + your company all the way, I trust?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,’ said Jonas. ‘I am not a-going + to commit myself.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was, as a matter of course, greatly entertained by this + retort. His mirth having subsided, Mr Jonas gave him to understand that + himself and parent were in fact travelling to their home in the + metropolis; and that, since the memorable day of the great family + gathering, they had been tarrying in that part of the country, watching + the sale of certain eligible investments, which they had had in their + copartnership eye when they came down; for it was their custom, Mr Jonas + said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to kill two birds with one + stone, and never to throw away sprats, but as bait for whales. When he had + communicated to Mr Pecksniff these pithy scraps of intelligence, he said, + ‘That if it was all the same to him, he would turn him over to father, and + have a chat with the gals;’ and in furtherance of this polite scheme, he + vacated his seat adjoining that gentleman, and established himself in the + opposite corner, next to the fair Miss Mercy. + </p> + <p> + The education of Mr Jonas had been conducted from his cradle on the + strictest principles of the main chance. The very first word he learnt to + spell was ‘gain,’ and the second (when he got into two syllables), + ‘money.’ But for two results, which were not clearly foreseen perhaps by + his watchful parent in the beginning, his training may be said to have + been unexceptionable. One of these flaws was, that having been long taught + by his father to over-reach everybody, he had imperceptibly acquired a + love of over-reaching that venerable monitor himself. The other, that from + his early habits of considering everything as a question of property, he + had gradually come to look, with impatience, on his parent as a certain + amount of personal estate, which had no right whatever to be going at + large, but ought to be secured in that particular description of iron safe + which is commonly called a coffin, and banked in the grave. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, cousin!’ said Mr Jonas—‘Because we <i>are </i>cousins, you know, a + few times removed—so you’re going to London?’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Mercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister’s arm at the + same time, and giggling excessively. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lots of beaux in London, cousin!’ said Mr Jonas, slightly advancing his + elbow. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, sir!’ cried the young lady. ‘They won’t hurt us, sir, I dare + say.’ And having given him this answer with great demureness she was so + overcome by her own humour, that she was fain to stifle her merriment in + her sister’s shawl. + </p> + <p> + ‘Merry,’ cried that more prudent damsel, ‘really I am ashamed of you. How + can you go on so? You wild thing!’ At which Miss Merry only laughed the + more, of course. + </p> + <p> + ‘I saw a wildness in her eye, t’other day,’ said Mr Jonas, addressing + Charity. ‘But you’re the one to sit solemn! I say—You were regularly + prim, cousin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! The old-fashioned fright!’ cried Merry, in a whisper. ‘Cherry my + dear, upon my word you must sit next him. I shall die outright if he talks + to me any more; I shall, positively!’ To prevent which fatal consequence, + the buoyant creature skipped out of her seat as she spoke, and squeezed + her sister into the place from which she had risen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t mind crowding me,’ cried Mr Jonas. ‘I like to be crowded by gals. + Come a little closer, cousin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, thank you, sir,’ said Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s that other one a-laughing again,’ said Mr Jonas; ‘she’s + a-laughing at my father, I shouldn’t wonder. If he puts on that old + flannel nightcap of his, I don’t know what she’ll do! Is that my father + a-snoring, Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Mr Jonas.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tread upon his foot, will you be so good?’ said the young gentleman. ‘The + foot next you’s the gouty one.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff hesitating to perform this friendly office, Mr Jonas did it + himself; at the same time crying: + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, wake up, father, or you’ll be having the nightmare, and screeching + out, I know.—Do you ever have the nightmare, cousin?’ he asked his + neighbour, with characteristic gallantry, as he dropped his voice again. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sometimes,’ answered Charity. ‘Not often.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The other one,’ said Mr Jonas, after a pause. ‘Does <i>she </i>ever have the + nightmare?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know,’ replied Charity. ‘You had better ask her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She laughs so,’ said Jonas; ‘there’s no talking to her. Only hark how + she’s a-going on now! You’re the sensible one, cousin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut!’ cried Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! But you are! You know you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mercy is a little giddy,’ said Miss Charity. But she’ll sober down in + time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’ll be a very long time, then, if she does at all,’ rejoined her + cousin. ‘Take a little more room.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid of crowding you,’ said Charity. But she took it + notwithstanding; and after one or two remarks on the extreme heaviness of + the coach, and the number of places it stopped at, they fell into a + silence which remained unbroken by any member of the party until + supper-time. + </p> + <p> + Although Mr Jonas conducted Charity to the hotel and sat himself beside + her at the board, it was pretty clear that he had an eye to ‘the other + one’ also, for he often glanced across at Mercy, and seemed to draw + comparisons between the personal appearance of the two, which were not + unfavourable to the superior plumpness of the younger sister. He allowed + himself no great leisure for this kind of observation, however, being + busily engaged with the supper, which, as he whispered in his fair + companion’s ear, was a contract business, and therefore the more she ate, + the better the bargain was. His father and Mr Pecksniff, probably acting + on the same wise principle, demolished everything that came within their + reach, and by that means acquired a greasy expression of countenance, + indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very pleasant to + contemplate. + </p> + <p> + When they could eat no more, Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jonas subscribed for two + sixpenny-worths of hot brandy-and-water, which the latter gentleman + considered a more politic order than one shillingsworth; there being a + chance of their getting more spirit out of the innkeeper under this + arrangement than if it were all in one glass. Having swallowed his share + of the enlivening fluid, Mr Pecksniff, under pretence of going to see if + the coach were ready, went secretly to the bar, and had his own little + bottle filled, in order that he might refresh himself at leisure in the + dark coach without being observed. + </p> + <p> + These arrangements concluded, and the coach being ready, they got into + their old places and jogged on again. But before he composed himself for a + nap, Mr Pecksniff delivered a kind of grace after meat, in these words: + </p> + <p> + ‘The process of digestion, as I have been informed by anatomical friends, + is one of the most wonderful works of nature. I do not know how it may be + with others, but it is a great satisfaction to me to know, when regaling + on my humble fare, that I am putting in motion the most beautiful + machinery with which we have any acquaintance. I really feel at such times + as if I was doing a public service. When I have wound myself up, if I may + employ such a term,’ said Mr Pecksniff with exquisite tenderness, ‘and + know that I am Going, I feel that in the lesson afforded by the works + within me, I am a Benefactor to my Kind!’ + </p> + <p> + As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr Pecksniff, + exulting, it may be presumed, in his moral utility, went to sleep again. + </p> + <p> + The rest of the night wore away in the usual manner. Mr Pecksniff and Old + Anthony kept tumbling against each other and waking up much terrified, or + crushed their heads in opposite corners of the coach and strangely + tattooed the surface of their faces—Heaven knows how—in their + sleep. The coach stopped and went on, and went on and stopped, times out + of number. Passengers got up and passengers got down, and fresh horses + came and went and came again, with scarcely any interval between each team + as it seemed to those who were dozing, and with a gap of a whole night + between every one as it seemed to those who were broad awake. At length + they began to jolt and rumble over horribly uneven stones, and Mr + Pecksniff looking out of window said it was to-morrow morning, and they + were there. + </p> + <p> + Very soon afterwards the coach stopped at the office in the city; and the + street in which it was situated was already in a bustle, that fully bore + out Mr Pecksniff’s words about its being morning, though for any signs of + day yet appearing in the sky it might have been midnight. There was a + dense fog too; as if it were a city in the clouds, which they had been + travelling to all night up a magic beanstalk; and there was a thick crust + upon the pavement like oilcake; which, one of the outsides (mad, no doubt) + said to another (his keeper, of course), was Snow. + </p> + <p> + Taking a confused leave of Anthony and his son, and leaving the luggage of + himself and daughters at the office to be called for afterwards, Mr + Pecksniff, with one of the young ladies under each arm, dived across the + street, and then across other streets, and so up the queerest courts, and + down the strangest alleys and under the blindest archways, in a kind of + frenzy; now skipping over a kennel, now running for his life from a coach + and horses; now thinking he had lost his way, now thinking he had found + it; now in a state of the highest confidence, now despondent to the last + degree, but always in a great perspiration and flurry; until at length + they stopped in a kind of paved yard near the Monument. That is to say, Mr + Pecksniff told them so; for as to anything they could see of the Monument, + or anything else but the buildings close at hand, they might as well have + been playing blindman’s buff at Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff looked about him for a moment, and then knocked at the door + of a very dingy edifice, even among the choice collection of dingy + edifices at hand; on the front of which was a little oval board like a + tea-tray, with this inscription—‘Commercial Boarding-House: M. + Todgers.’ + </p> + <p> + It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr Pecksniff knocked twice + and rang thrice, without making any impression on anything but a dog over + the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with a rusty noise, + as if the weather had made the very fastenings hoarse, and a small boy + with a large red head, and no nose to speak of, and a very dirty + Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who (being surprised) rubbed + the nose just mentioned with the back of a shoe-brush, and said nothing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Still a-bed my man?’ asked Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Still a-bed!’ replied the boy. ‘I wish they wos still a-bed. They’re very + noisy a-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you was the + Paper, and wondered why you didn’t shove yourself through the grating as + usual. What do you want?’ + </p> + <p> + Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to have + preferred this question sternly, and in something of a defiant manner. But + Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put a card in his + hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them in the meanwhile into + a room where there was a fire. + </p> + <p> + ‘Or if there’s one in the eating parlour,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I can find + it myself.’ So he led his daughters, without waiting for any further + introduction, into a room on the ground-floor, where a table-cloth (rather + a tight and scanty fit in reference to the table it covered) was already + spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty dish of pink boiled beef; an + instance of that particular style of loaf which is known to housekeepers + as a slack-baked, crummy quartern; a liberal provision of cups and + saucers; and the usual appendages. + </p> + <p> + Inside the fender were some half-dozen pairs of shoes and boots, of + various sizes, just cleaned and turned with the soles upwards to dry; and + a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked—in sport, + it would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down for the purpose, + pending his toilet, and gone up again—‘Jinkins’s Particular,’ while + the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming to be the portrait of + Jinkins himself. + </p> + <p> + M. Todgers’s Commercial Boarding-House was a house of that sort which is + likely to be dark at any time; but that morning it was especially dark. + There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence of + all the dinners that had been cooked in the kitchen since the house was + built, lingered at the top of the kitchen stairs to that hour, and like + the Black Friar in Don Juan, ‘wouldn’t be driven away.’ In particular, + there was a sensation of cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever been + boiled there, were evergreens, and flourished in immortal strength. The + parlour was wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic and + instinctive consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very gloomy + and very broad, with balustrades so thick and heavy that they would have + served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing, stood a + gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three brass + balls on his head; whom few had ever seen—none ever looked in the + face—and who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other reason + than to warn heedless people from running into him accidentally. It had + not been papered or painted, hadn’t Todgers’s, within the memory of man. + It was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. And, at the top of the staircase, + was an old, disjointed, rickety, ill-favoured skylight, patched and mended + in all kinds of ways, which looked distrustfully down at everything that + passed below, and covered Todgers’s up as if it were a sort of human + cucumber-frame, and only people of a peculiar growth were reared there. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves at + the fire ten minutes, when the sound of feet was heard upon the stairs, + and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying in. + </p> + <p> + M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hard-featured lady, with a row of + curls in front of her head, shaped like little barrels of beer; and on the + top of it something made of net—you couldn’t call it a cap exactly—which + looked like a black cobweb. She had a little basket on her arm, and in it + a bunch of keys that jingled as she came. In her other hand she bore a + flaming tallow candle, which, after surveying Mr Pecksniff for one instant + by its light, she put down upon the table, to the end that she might + receive him with the greater cordiality. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pecksniff!’ cried Mrs Todgers. ‘Welcome to London! Who would have + thought of such a visit as this, after so—dear, dear!—so many + years! How do you <i>do</i>, Mr Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;’ Mr Pecksniff made + response. ‘Why, you are younger than you used to be!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>You </i>are, I am sure!’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘You’re not a bit changed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you say to this?’ cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand + towards the young ladies. ‘Does this make me no older?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not your daughters!’ exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping + them. ‘Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your second, and her bridesmaid!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, ‘My daughters, + Mrs Todgers. Merely my daughters.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ sighed the good lady, ‘I must believe you, for now I look at ‘em I + think I should have known ‘em anywhere. My dear Miss Pecksniffs, how happy + your Pa has made me!’ + </p> + <p> + She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her feelings + or the inclemency of the morning, jerked a little pocket handkerchief out + of the little basket, and applied the same to her face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, my good madam,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I know the rules of your + establishment, and that you only receive gentlemen boarders. But it + occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my daughters + house room, and make an exception in their favour.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps?’ cried Mrs Todgers ecstatically. ‘Perhaps?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I may say then, that I was sure you would,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘I know + that you have a little room of your own, and that they can be comfortable + there, without appearing at the general table.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear girls!’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘I must take that liberty once more.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, which she + accordingly did with great ardour. But the truth was that the house being + full with the exception of one bed, which would now be occupied by Mr + Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and so much time too (for it + was a knotty point how to dispose of them), that even when this second + embrace was over, she stood for some moments gazing at the sisters, with + affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out of the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think I know how to arrange it,’ said Mrs Todgers, at length. ‘A sofa + bedstead in the little third room which opens from my own parlour.—Oh, + you dear girls!’ + </p> + <p> + Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not decide + which was most like their poor mother (which was highly probable, seeing + that she had never beheld that lady), but that she rather thought the + youngest was; and then she said that as the gentlemen would be down + directly, and the ladies were fatigued with travelling, would they step + into her room at once? + </p> + <p> + It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had, as + Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage (in London) of not being overlooked; + as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was this a vainglorious + boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two feet, a brown wall with a + black cistern on the top. The sleeping apartment designed for the young + ladies was approached from this chamber by a mightily convenient little + door, which would only open when fallen against by a strong person. It + commanded from a similar point of sight another angle of the wall, and + another side of the cistern. ‘Not the damp side,’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘<i>That</i> + is Mr Jinkins’s.’ + </p> + <p> + In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the + youthful porter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs Todgers + (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with burnt + firewood), and being afterwards taken by that lady in the fact, was + dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared breakfast for the young + ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to preside in the other room; + where the joke at Mr Jinkins’s expense seemed to be proceeding rather + noisily. + </p> + <p> + ‘I won’t ask you yet, my dears,’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at the + door, ‘how you like London. Shall I?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We haven’t seen much of it, Pa!’ cried Merry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing, I hope,’ said Cherry. (Both very miserably.) + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘that’s true. We have our pleasure, and our + business too, before us. All in good time. All in good time!’ + </p> + <p> + Whether Mr Pecksniff’s business in London was as strictly professional as + he had given his new pupil to understand, we shall see, to adopt that + worthy man’s phraseology, ‘all in good time.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER NINE + </h2> + <h3> + TOWN AND TODGER’S + </h3> + <p> + Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the + world, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers’s. And surely London, to + judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers’s round and hustled it, + and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, and kept + the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the light, was + worthy of Todgers’s, and qualified to be on terms of close relationship + and alliance with hundreds and thousands of the odd family to which + Todgers’s belonged. + </p> + <p> + You couldn’t walk about Todgers’s neighbourhood, as you could in any other + neighbourhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes and byways, + and court-yards, and passages; and you never once emerged upon anything + that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned distraction + came over the stranger as he trod those devious mazes, and, giving himself + up for lost, went in and out and round about and quietly turned back again + when he came to a dead wall or was stopped by an iron railing, and felt + that the means of escape might possibly present themselves in their own + good time, but that to anticipate them was hopeless. Instances were known + of people who, being asked to dine at Todgers’s, had travelled round and + round for a weary time, with its very chimney-pots in view; and finding + it, at last, impossible of attainment, had gone home again with a gentle + melancholy on their spirits, tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever + found Todgers’s on a verbal direction, though given within a few minutes’ + walk of it. Cautious emigrants from Scotland or the North of England had + been known to reach it safely, by impressing a charity-boy, town-bred, and + bringing him along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the postman; + but these were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the rule that + Todgers’s was in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was known but to a + chosen few. + </p> + <p> + Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers’s; and one of the first + impressions wrought upon the stranger’s senses was of oranges—of + damaged oranges—with blue and green bruises on them, festering in + boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of porters + from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back a bursting + chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages; while + underneath the archway by the public-house, the knots of those who rested + and regaled within, were piled from morning until night. Strange solitary + pumps were found near Todgers’s hiding themselves for the most part in + blind alleys, and keeping company with fire-ladders. There were churches + also by dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard, all overgrown with + such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously from damp, and + graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy resting-places which bore much + the same analogy to green churchyards, as the pots of earth for mignonette + and wall-flower in the windows overlooking them did to rustic gardens, + there were trees; tall trees; still putting forth their leaves in each + succeeding year, with such a languishing remembrance of their kind (so one + might fancy, looking on their sickly boughs) as birds in cages have of + theirs. Here, paralysed old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at + night, year after year, until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood; + and, saving that they slept below the ground a sounder sleep than even + they had ever known above it, and were shut up in another kind of box, + their condition can hardly be said to have undergone any material change + when they, in turn, were watched themselves. + </p> + <p> + Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and there, an + ancient doorway of carved oak, from which, of old, the sounds of revelry + and feasting often came; but now these mansions, only used for + storehouses, were dark and dull, and, being filled with wool, and cotton, + and the like—such heavy merchandise as stifles sound and stops the + throat of echo—had an air of palpable deadness about them which, + added to their silence and desertion, made them very grim. In like manner, + there were gloomy courtyards in these parts, into which few but belated + wayfarers ever strayed, and where vast bags and packs of goods, upward or + downward bound, were for ever dangling between heaven and earth from lofty + cranes There were more trucks near Todgers’s than you would suppose whole + city could ever need; not active trucks, but a vagabond race, for ever + lounging in the narrow lanes before their masters’ doors and stopping up + the pass; so that when a stray hackney-coach or lumbering waggon came that + way, they were the cause of such an uproar as enlivened the whole + neighbourhood, and made the bells in the next churchtower vibrate again. + In the throats and maws of dark no-thoroughfares near Todgers’s, + individual wine-merchants and wholesale dealers in grocery-ware had + perfect little towns of their own; and, deep among the foundations of + these buildings, the ground was undermined and burrowed out into stables, + where cart-horses, troubled by rats, might be heard on a quiet Sunday + rattling their halters, as disturbed spirits in tales of haunted houses + are said to clank their chains. + </p> + <p> + To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret + existence near Todgers’s, would fill a goodly book; while a second volume + no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint old guests + who frequented their dimly lighted parlours. These were, in general, + ancient inhabitants of that region; born, and bred there from boyhood, who + had long since become wheezy and asthmatical, and short of breath, except + in the article of story-telling; in which respect they were still + marvellously long-winded. These gentry were much opposed to steam and all + new-fangled ways, and held ballooning to be sinful, and deplored the + degeneracy of the times; which that particular member of each little club + who kept the keys of the nearest church, professionally, always attributed + to the prevalence of dissent and irreligion; though the major part of the + company inclined to the belief that virtue went out with hair-powder, and + that Old England’s greatness had decayed amain with barbers. + </p> + <p> + As to Todgers’s itself—speaking of it only as a house in that + neighbourhood, and making no reference to its merits as a commercial + boarding establishment—it was worthy to stand where it did. There + was one staircase-window in it, at the side of the house, on the ground + floor; which tradition said had not been opened for a hundred years at + least, and which, abutting on an always dirty lane, was so begrimed and + coated with a century’s mud, that no one pane of glass could possibly fall + out, though all were cracked and broken twenty times. But the grand + mystery of Todgers’s was the cellarage, approachable only by a little back + door and a rusty grating; which cellarage within the memory of man had had + no connection with the house, but had always been the freehold property of + somebody else, and was reported to be full of wealth; though in what shape—whether + in silver, brass, or gold, or butts of wine, or casks of gun-powder—was + matter of profound uncertainty and supreme indifference to Todgers’s and + all its inmates. + </p> + <p> + The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of terrace on + the roof, with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once intended to dry + clothes upon; and there were two or three tea-chests out there, full of + earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old walking-sticks. Whoever + climbed to this observatory, was stunned at first from having knocked his + head against the little door in coming out; and after that, was for the + moment choked from having looked perforce, straight down the kitchen + chimney; but these two stages over, there were things to gaze at from the + top of Todgers’s, well worth your seeing too. For first and foremost, if + the day were bright, you observed upon the house-tops, stretching far + away, a long dark path; the shadow of the Monument; and turning round, the + tall original was close beside you, with every hair erect upon his golden + head, as if the doings of the city frightened him. Then there were + steeples, towers, belfries, shining vanes, and masts of ships; a very + forest. Gables, housetops, garret-windows, wilderness upon wilderness. + Smoke and noise enough for all the world at once. + </p> + <p> + After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of this + crowd of objects, which sprung out from the mass without any reason, as it + were, and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would or no. + Thus, the revolving chimney-pots on one great stack of buildings seemed to + be turning gravely to each other every now and then, and whispering the + result of their separate observation of what was going on below. Others, + of a crook-backed shape, appeared to be maliciously holding themselves + askew, that they might shut the prospect out and baffle Todgers’s. The man + who was mending a pen at an upper window over the way, became of paramount + importance in the scene, and made a blank in it, ridiculously + disproportionate in its extent, when he retired. The gambols of a piece of + cloth upon the dyer’s pole had far more interest for the moment than all + the changing motion of the crowd. Yet even while the looker-on felt angry + with himself for this, and wondered how it was, the tumult swelled into a + roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken and expand a hundredfold, and + after gazing round him, quite scared, he turned into Todgers’s again, much + more rapidly than he came out; and ten to one he told M. Todgers + afterwards that if he hadn’t done so, he would certainly have come into + the street by the shortest cut; that is to say, head-foremost. + </p> + <p> + So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they retired with Mrs Todgers from + this place of espial, leaving the youthful porter to close the door and + follow them downstairs; who, being of a playful temperament, and + contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of life, any + chance of dashing himself into small fragments, lingered behind to walk + upon the parapet. + </p> + <p> + It being the second day of their stay in London, the Miss Pecksniffs and + Mrs Todgers were by this time highly confidential, insomuch that the + last-named lady had already communicated the particulars of three early + disappointments of a tender nature; and had furthermore possessed her + young friends with a general summary of the life, conduct, and character + of Mr Todgers. Who, it seemed, had cut his matrimonial career rather + short, by unlawfully running away from his happiness, and establishing + himself in foreign countries as a bachelor. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,’ said + Mrs Todgers, ‘but to be your ma was too much happiness denied me. You’d + hardly know who this was done for, perhaps?’ + </p> + <p> + She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little blister, + which was tacked up over the kettle-holder, and in which there was a + dreamy shadowing forth of her own visage. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a speaking likeness!’ cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + ‘It was considered so once,’ said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in a + gentlemanly manner at the fire; ‘but I hardly thought you would have known + it, my loves.’ + </p> + <p> + They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it in the + street, or seen it in a shop window, they would have cried ‘Good gracious! + Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Presiding over an establishment like this, makes sad havoc with the + features, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘The gravy alone, is + enough to add twenty years to one’s age, I do assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lor’!’ cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + ‘The anxiety of that one item, my dears,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘keeps the + mind continually upon the stretch. There is no such passion in human + nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. It’s nothing + to say a joint won’t yield—a whole animal wouldn’t yield—the + amount of gravy they expect each day at dinner. And what I have undergone + in consequence,’ cried Mrs Todgers, raising her eyes and shaking her head, + ‘no one would believe!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just like Mr Pinch, Merry!’ said Charity. ‘We have always noticed it in + him, you remember?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, my dear,’ giggled Merry, ‘but we have never given it him, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You, my dears, having to deal with your pa’s pupils who can’t help + themselves, are able to take your own way,’ said Mrs Todgers; ‘but in a + commercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturday + evening, “Mrs Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the + cheese,” it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding. Your pa + was kind enough,’ added the good lady, ‘to invite me to take a ride with + you to-day; and I think he mentioned that you were going to call upon Miss + Pinch. Any relation to the gentleman you were speaking of just now, Miss + Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For goodness sake, Mrs Todgers,’ interposed the lively Merry, ‘don’t call + him a gentleman. My dear Cherry, Pinch a gentleman! The idea!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What a wicked girl you are!’ cried Mrs Todgers, embracing her with great + affection. ‘You are quite a quiz, I do declare! My dear Miss Pecksniff, + what a happiness your sister’s spirits must be to your pa and self!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in existence,’ + resumed Merry: ‘quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest frightfullest + being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I leave you to suppose what + <i>she </i>is. I shall be obliged to laugh outright, I know I shall!’ cried the + charming girl, ‘I never shall be able to keep my countenance. The notion + of a Miss Pinch presuming to exist at all is sufficient to kill one, but + to see her—oh my stars!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love’s humour, and declared she + was quite afraid of her, that she was. She was so very severe. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who is severe?’ cried a voice at the door. ‘There is no such thing as + severity in our family, I hope!’ And then Mr Pecksniff peeped smilingly + into the room, and said, ‘May I come in, Mrs Todgers?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers almost screamed, for the little door of communication between + that room and the inner one being wide open, there was a full disclosure + of the sofa bedstead in all its monstrous impropriety. But she had the + presence of mind to close this portal in the twinkling of an eye; and + having done so, said, though not without confusion, ‘Oh yes, Mr Pecksniff, + you can come in, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How are we to-day,’ said Mr Pecksniff, jocosely, ‘and what are our plans? + Are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch’s sister? Ha, ha, ha! Poor Thomas + Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are we ready,’ returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with mysterious + intelligence, ‘to send a favourable reply to Mr Jinkins’s round-robin? + That’s the first question, Mr Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why Mr Jinkins’s robin, my dear madam?’ asked Mr Pecksniff, putting one + arm round Mercy, and the other round Mrs Todgers, whom he seemed, in the + abstraction of the moment, to mistake for Charity. ‘Why Mr Jinkins’s?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in the + house,’ said Mrs Todgers, playfully. ‘That’s why, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jinkins is a man of superior talents,’ observed Mr Pecksniff. ‘I have + conceived a great regard for Jinkins. I take Jinkins’s desire to pay + polite attention to my daughters, as an additional proof of the friendly + feeling of Jinkins, Mrs Todgers.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well now,’ returned that lady, ‘having said so much, you must say the + rest, Mr Pecksniff; so tell the dear young ladies all about it.’ + </p> + <p> + With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff’s grasp, and took Miss + Charity into her own embrace; though whether she was impelled to this + proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived for + that young lady, or whether it had any reference to a lowering, not to say + distinctly spiteful expression which had been visible in her face for some + moments, has never been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may, Mr + Pecksniff went on to inform his daughters of the purport and history of + the round-robin aforesaid, which was in brief, that the commercial + gentlemen who helped to make up the sum and substance of that noun of + multitude signifying many, called Todgers’s, desired the honour of their + presence at the general table, so long as they remained in the house, and + besought that they would grace the board at dinner-time next day, the same + being Sunday. He further said, that Mrs Todgers being a consenting party + to this invitation, he was willing, for his part, to accept it; and so + left them that he might write his gracious answer, the while they armed + themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat and overthrow of + Miss Pinch. + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch’s sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhaps the + wealthiest brass and copper founders’ family known to mankind. They lived + at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce, that its mere outside, like + the outside of a giant’s castle, struck terror into vulgar minds and made + bold persons quail. There was a great front gate; with a great bell, whose + handle was in itself a note of admiration; and a great lodge; which being + close to the house, rather spoilt the look-out certainly but made the + look-in tremendous. At this entry, a great porter kept constant watch and + ward; and when he gave the visitor high leave to pass, he rang a second + great bell, responsive to whose note a great footman appeared in due time + at the great halldoor, with such great tags upon his liveried shoulder + that he was perpetually entangling and hooking himself among the chairs + and tables, and led a life of torment which could scarcely have been + surpassed, if he had been a blue-bottle in a world of cobwebs. + </p> + <p> + To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs + Todgers, drove gallantly in a one-horse fly. The foregoing ceremonies + having been all performed, they were ushered into the house; and so, by + degrees, they got at last into a small room with books in it, where Mr + Pinch’s sister was at that moment instructing her eldest pupil; to wit, a + premature little woman of thirteen years old, who had already arrived at + such a pitch of whalebone and education that she had nothing girlish about + her, which was a source of great rejoicing to all her relations and + friends. + </p> + <p> + ‘Visitors for Miss Pinch!’ said the footman. He must have been an + ingenious young man, for he said it very cleverly; with a nice + discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have announced + visitors to the family, and the warm personal interest with which he would + have announced visitors to the cook. + </p> + <p> + ‘Visitors for Miss Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pinch rose hastily; with such tokens of agitation as plainly declared + that her list of callers was not numerous. At the same time, the little + pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared herself to take mental notes + of all that might be said and done. For the lady of the establishment was + curious in the natural history and habits of the animal called Governess, + and encouraged her daughters to report thereon whenever occasion served; + which was, in reference to all parties concerned, very laudable, + improving, and pleasant. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20174m.jpg" alt="20174m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20174.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + It is a melancholy fact; but it must be related, that Mr Pinch’s sister + was not at all ugly. On the contrary, she had a good face; a very mild and + prepossessing face; and a pretty little figure—slight and short, but + remarkable for its neatness. There was something of her brother, much of + him indeed, in a certain gentleness of manner, and in her look of timid + trustfulness; but she was so far from being a fright, or a dowdy, or a + horror, or anything else, predicted by the two Miss Pecksniffs, that those + young ladies naturally regarded her with great indignation, feeling that + this was by no means what they had come to see. + </p> + <p> + Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gaiety, bore up the best against + this disappointment, and carried it off, in outward show at least, with a + titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her disdain, expressed it + pretty openly in her looks. As to Mrs Todgers, she leaned on Mr + Pecksniff’s arm and preserved a kind of genteel grimness, suitable to any + state of mind, and involving any shade of opinion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t be alarmed, Miss Pinch,’ said Mr Pecksniff, taking her hand + condescendingly in one of his, and patting it with the other. ‘I have + called to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your brother, Thomas + Pinch. My name—compose yourself, Miss Pinch—is Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The good man emphasised these words as though he would have said, ‘You see + in me, young person, the benefactor of your race; the patron of your + house; the preserver of your brother, who is fed with manna daily from my + table; and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my favour + at present standing in the books beyond the sky. But I have no pride, for + I can afford to do without it!’ + </p> + <p> + The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel truth. Her brother + writing in the fullness of his simple heart, had often told her so, and + how much more! As Mr Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, and + dropped a tear upon his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh very well, Miss Pinch!’ thought the sharp pupil, ‘crying before + strangers, as if you didn’t like the situation!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thomas is well,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘and sends his love and this letter. + I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will ever be distinguished in our + profession; but he has the will to do well, which is the next thing to + having the power; and, therefore, we must bear with him. Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know he has the will, sir,’ said Tom Pinch’s sister, ‘and I know how + kindly and considerately you cherish it, for which neither he nor I can + ever be grateful enough, as we very often say in writing to each other. + The young ladies too,’ she added, glancing gratefully at his two + daughters, ‘I know how much we owe to them.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dears,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: ‘Thomas’s + sister is saying something you will be glad to hear, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We can’t take any merit to ourselves, papa!’ cried Cherry, as they both + apprised Tom Pinch’s sister, with a curtsey, that they would feel obliged + if she would keep her distance. ‘Mr Pinch’s being so well provided for is + owing to you alone, and we can only say how glad we are to hear that he is + as grateful as he ought to be.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh very well, Miss Pinch!’ thought the pupil again. ‘Got a grateful + brother, living on other people’s kindness!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was very kind of you,’ said Tom Pinch’s sister, with Tom’s own + simplicity and Tom’s own smile, ‘to come here; very kind indeed; though + how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you, + and to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so light of benefits + conferred, can scarcely think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very grateful; very pleasant; very proper,’ murmured Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘It makes me happy too,’ said Ruth Pinch, who now that her first surprise + was over, had a chatty, cheerful way with her, and a single-hearted desire + to look upon the best side of everything, which was the very moral and + image of Tom; ‘very happy to think that you will be able to tell him how + more than comfortably I am situated here, and how unnecessary it is that + he should ever waste a regret on my being cast upon my own resources. Dear + me! So long as I heard that he was happy, and he heard that I was,’ said + Tom’s sister, ‘we could both bear, without one impatient or complaining + thought, a great deal more than ever we have had to endure, I am very + certain.’ And if ever the plain truth were spoken on this occasionally + false earth, Tom’s sister spoke it when she said that. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried Mr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to the + pupil; ‘certainly. And how do <i>you </i>do, my very interesting child?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite well, I thank you, sir,’ replied that frosty innocent. + </p> + <p> + ‘A sweet face this, my dears,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning to his + daughters. ‘A charming manner!’ + </p> + <p> + Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy house + (through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents might be + supposed to lie) from the first. Mrs Todgers vowed that anything one + quarter so angelic she had never seen. ‘She wanted but a pair of wings, a + dear,’ said that good woman, ‘to be a young syrup’—meaning, + possibly, young sylph, or seraph. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable little + friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff, producing one of his professional cards, ‘and + will say that I and my daughters—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And Mrs Todgers, pa,’ said Merry. + </p> + <p> + ‘And Mrs Todgers, of London,’ added Mr Pecksniff; ‘that I, and my + daughters, and Mrs Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, as our + object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brother is a + young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this very chaste + mansion, without adding my humble tribute, as an Architect, to the + correctness and elegance of the owner’s taste, and to his just + appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of which I have + devoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement I have + sacrified a—a fortune—I shall be very much obliged to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Missis’s compliments to Miss Pinch,’ said the footman, suddenly + appearing, and speaking in exactly the same key as before, ‘and begs to + know wot my young lady is a-learning of just now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘Here is the young man. <i>he</i> will take the card. + With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we are + interrupting the studies. Let us go.’ + </p> + <p> + Some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Mrs Todgers’s unstrapping + her little flat hand-basket, and hurriedly entrusting the ‘young man’ with + one of her own cards, which, in addition to certain detailed information + relative to the terms of the commercial establishment, bore a foot-note to + the effect that M. T. took that opportunity of thanking those gentlemen + who had honoured her with their favours, and begged they would have the + goodness, if satisfied with the table, to recommend her to their friends. + But Mr Pecksniff, with admirable presence of mind, recovered this + document, and buttoned it up in his own pocket. + </p> + <p> + Then he said to Miss Pinch—with more condescension and kindness than + ever, for it was desirable the footman should expressly understand that + they were not friends of hers, but patrons: + </p> + <p> + ‘Good morning. Good-bye. God bless you! You may depend upon my continued + protection of your brother Thomas. Keep your mind quite at ease, Miss + Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Tom’s sister heartily; ‘a thousand times.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all,’ he retorted, patting her gently on the head. ‘Don’t mention + it. You will make me angry if you do. My sweet child’—to the pupil—‘farewell! + That fairy creature,’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking in his pensive mood hard + at the footman, as if he meant him, ‘has shed a vision on my path, + refulgent in its nature, and not easily to be obliterated. My dears, are + you ready?’ + </p> + <p> + They were not quite ready yet, for they were still caressing the pupil. + But they tore themselves away at length; and sweeping past Miss Pinch with + each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsey strangled in its + birth, flounced into the passage. + </p> + <p> + The young man had rather a long job in showing them out; for Mr + Pecksniff’s delight in the tastefulness of the house was such that he + could not help often stopping (particularly when they were near the + parlour door) and giving it expression, in a loud voice and very learned + terms. Indeed, he delivered, between the study and the hall, a familiar + exposition of the whole science of architecture as applied to + dwelling-houses, and was yet in the freshness of his eloquence when they + reached the garden. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you look,’ said Mr Pecksniff, backing from the steps, with his head on + one side and his eyes half-shut that he might the better take in the + proportions of the exterior: ‘If you look, my dears, at the cornice which + supports the roof, and observe the airiness of its construction, + especially where it sweeps the southern angle of the building, you will + feel with me—How do you do, sir? I hope you’re well?’ + </p> + <p> + Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to a + middle-aged gentleman at an upper window, to whom he spoke—not + because the gentleman could hear him (for he certainly could not), but as + an appropriate accompaniment to his salutation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have no doubt, my dears,’ said Mr Pecksniff, feigning to point out + other beauties with his hand, ‘that this is the proprietor. I should be + glad to know him. It might lead to something. Is he looking this way, + Charity?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is opening the window pa!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha!’ cried Mr Pecksniff softly. ‘All right! He has found I’m + professional. He heard me inside just now, I have no doubt. Don’t look! + With regard to the fluted pillars in the portico, my dears—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo!’ cried the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir, your servant!’ said Mr Pecksniff, taking off his hat. ‘I am proud to + make your acquaintance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come off the grass, will you!’ roared the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, doubtful of his having heard + aright. ‘Did you—?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come off the grass!’ repeated the gentleman, warmly. + </p> + <p> + ‘We are unwilling to intrude, sir,’ Mr Pecksniff smilingly began. + </p> + <p> + ‘But you <i>are </i>intruding,’ returned the other, ‘unwarrantably intruding. + Trespassing. You see a gravel walk, don’t you? What do you think it’s + meant for? Open the gate there! Show that party out!’ + </p> + <p> + With that he clapped down the window again, and disappeared. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and in + profound silence to the fly, gazing at the clouds as he went, with great + interest. After helping his daughters and Mrs Todgers into that + conveyance, he stood looking at it for some moments, as if he were not + quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple; but having settled + this point in his mind, he got into his place, spread his hands out on his + knees, and smiled upon the three beholders. + </p> + <p> + But his daughters, less tranquil-minded, burst into a torrent of + indignation. This came, they said, of cherishing such creatures as the + Pinches. This came of lowering themselves to their level. This came of + putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to know such + bold, audacious, cunning, dreadful girls as that. They had expected this. + They had predicted it to Mrs Todgers, as she (Todgers) could depone, that + very morning. To this, they added, that the owner of the house, supposing + them to be Miss Pinch’s friends, had acted, in their opinion, quite + correctly, and had done no more than, under such circumstances, might + reasonably have been expected. To that they added (with a trifling + inconsistency), that he was a brute and a bear; and then they merged into + a flood of tears, which swept away all wandering epithets before it. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as the + Seraph, who, immediately on the withdrawal of the visitors, had hastened + to report them at head-quarters, with a full account of their having + presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwards + consigned to the footman; which outrage, taken in conjunction with Mr + Pecksniff’s unobtrusive remarks on the establishment, might possibly have + had some share in their dismissal. Poor Miss Pinch, however, had to bear + the brunt of it with both parties; being so severely taken to task by the + Seraph’s mother for having such vulgar acquaintances, that she was fain to + retire to her own room in tears, which her natural cheerfulness and + submission, and the delight of having seen Mr Pecksniff, and having + received a letter from her brother, were at first insufficient to repress. + </p> + <p> + As to Mr Pecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good action was its + own reward; and rather gave them to understand, that if he could have been + kicked in such a cause, he would have liked it all the better. But this + was no comfort to the young ladies, who scolded violently the whole way + back, and even exhibited, more than once, a keen desire to attack the + devoted Mrs Todgers; on whose personal appearance, but particularly on + whose offending card and hand-basket, they were secretly inclined to lay + the blame of half their failure. + </p> + <p> + Todgers’s was in a great bustle that evening, partly owing to some + additional domestic preparations for the morrow, and partly to the + excitement always inseparable in that house from Saturday night, when + every gentleman’s linen arrived at a different hour in its own little + bundle, with his private account pinned on the outside. There was always a + great clinking of pattens downstairs, too, until midnight or so, on + Saturdays; together with a frequent gleaming of mysterious lights in the + area; much working at the pump; and a constant jangling of the iron handle + of the pail. Shrill altercations from time to time arose between Mrs + Todgers and unknown females in remote back kitchens; and sounds were + occasionally heard, indicative of small articles of iron mongery and + hardware being thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on + Saturdays, to roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade all + parts of the house in an apron of coarse green baize; moreover, he was + more strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a busy + time), to make excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he + answered the door, and there to play at leap-frog and other sports with + vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or + the lobe of his ear; thus he was quite a conspicuous feature among the + peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers’s. + </p> + <p> + He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoured the + Miss Pecksniffs with a deal of notice; seldom passing the door of Mrs + Todgers’s private room, where they sat alone before the fire, working by + the light of a solitary candle, without putting in his head and greeting + them with some such compliments as, ‘There you are agin!’ ‘An’t it nice?’—and + similar humorous attentions. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say,’ he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro, ‘young + ladies, there’s soup to-morrow. She’s a-making it now. An’t she a-putting + in the water? Oh! not at all neither!’ + </p> + <p> + In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head again. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say! There’s fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!’ + </p> + <p> + Presently he called through the key-hole: + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s a fish to-morrow. Just come. Don’t eat none of him!’ And, with + this special warning, vanished again. + </p> + <p> + By-and-bye, he returned to lay the cloth for supper; it having been + arranged between Mrs Todgers and the young ladies, that they should + partake of an exclusive veal-cutlet together in the privacy of that + apartment. He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the lighted + candle into his mouth, and exhibiting his face in a state of transparency; + after the performance of which feat, he went on with his professional + duties; brightening every knife as he laid it on the table, by breathing + on the blade and afterwards polishing the same on the apron already + mentioned. When he had completed his preparations, he grinned at the + sisters, and expressed his belief that the approaching collation would be + of ‘rather a spicy sort.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will it be long, before it’s ready, Bailey?’ asked Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Bailey, ‘it <i>is</i> cooked. When I come up, she was dodging among + the tender pieces with a fork, and eating of ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he + received a manual compliment on the head, which sent him staggering + against the wall; and Mrs Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly before + him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh you little villain!’ said that lady. ‘Oh you bad, false boy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No worse than yerself,’ retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a + principle invented by Mr Thomas Cribb. ‘Ah! Come now! Do that again, will + yer?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s the most dreadful child,’ said Mrs Todgers, setting down the dish, + ‘I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that extent, and + teach him such things, that I’m afraid nothing but hanging will ever do + him any good.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Won’t it!’ cried Bailey. ‘Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin the table-beer + for then, and destroying my constitooshun?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go downstairs, you vicious boy,’ said Mrs Todgers, holding the door open. + ‘Do you hear me? Go along!’ + </p> + <p> + After two or three dexterous feints, he went, and was seen no more that + night, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, and much + disturbed the two Miss Pecksniffs by squinting hideously behind the back + of the unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having done this justice to his wounded + feelings, he retired underground; where, in company with a swarm of black + beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed his faculties in cleaning boots + and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced. + </p> + <p> + Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but he + was known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had been + converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle; + which, by an easy transition, had again passed into Barnwell, in memory of + the celebrated relative in that degree who was shot by his nephew George, + while meditating in his garden at Camberwell. The gentlemen at Todgers’s + had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him, for the time being, the + name of any notorious malefactor or minister; and sometimes when current + events were flat they even sought the pages of history for these + distinctions; as Mr Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the period of + which we write, he was generally known among the gentlemen as Bailey + junior; a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction, perhaps, to Old + Bailey; and possibly as involving the recollection of an unfortunate lady + of the same name, who perished by her own hand early in life, and has been + immortalised in a ballad. + </p> + <p> + The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers’s was two o’clock—a suitable + time, it was considered for all parties; convenient to Mrs Todgers, on + account of the bakers; and convenient to the gentlemen with reference to + their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce the + two Miss Pecksniffs to a full knowledge of Todgers’s and its society, the + dinner was postponed until five, in order that everything might be as + genteel as the occasion demanded. + </p> + <p> + When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement, + appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too large + for him, and in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary + magnitude, that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit) called + him ‘collars’ on the spot. At about a quarter before five, a deputation, + consisting of Mr Jinkins, and another gentleman, whose name was Gander, + knocked at the door of Mrs Todgers’s room, and, being formally introduced + to the two Miss Pecksniffs by their parent who was in waiting, besought + the honour of conducting them upstairs. + </p> + <p> + The drawing-room at Todgers’s was out of the common style; so much so + indeed, that you would hardly have taken it to be a drawingroom, unless + you were told so by somebody who was in the secret. It was floor-clothed + all over; and the ceiling, including a great beam in the middle, was + papered. Besides the three little windows, with seats in them, commanding + the opposite archway, there was another window looking point blank, + without any compromise at all about it into Jinkins’s bedroom; and high + up, all along one side of the wall was a strip of panes of glass, + two-deep, giving light to the staircase. There were the oddest closets + possible, with little casements in them like eight-day clocks, lurking in + the wainscot and taking the shape of the stairs; and the very door itself + (which was painted black) had two great glass eyes in its forehead, with + an inquisitive green pupil in the middle of each. + </p> + <p> + Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of ‘Hear, + hear!’ and ‘Bravo Jink!’ when Mr Jinkins appeared with Charity on his arm; + which became quite rapturous as Mr Gander followed, escorting Mercy, and + Mr Pecksniff brought up the rear with Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + Then the presentations took place. They included a gentleman of a sporting + turn, who propounded questions on jockey subjects to the editors of Sunday + papers, which were regarded by his friends as rather stiff things to + answer; and they included a gentleman of a theatrical turn, who had once + entertained serious thoughts of ‘coming out,’ but had been kept in by the + wickedness of human nature; and they included a gentleman of a debating + turn, who was strong at speech-making; and a gentleman of a literary turn, + who wrote squibs upon the rest, and knew the weak side of everybody’s + character but his own. There was a gentleman of a vocal turn, and a + gentleman of a smoking turn, and a gentleman of a convivial turn; some of + the gentlemen had a turn for whist, and a large proportion of the + gentlemen had a strong turn for billiards and betting. They had all, it + may be presumed, a turn for business; being all commercially employed in + one way or other; and had, every one in his own way, a decided turn for + pleasure to boot. Mr Jinkins was of a fashionable turn; being a regular + frequenter of the Parks on Sundays, and knowing a great many carriages by + sight. He spoke mysteriously, too, of splendid women, and was suspected of + having once committed himself with a Countess. Mr Gander was of a witty + turn being indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about + ‘collars;’ which sparkling pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to + mouth, under the title of Gander’s Last, and was received in all parts of + the room with great applause. Mr Jinkins it may be added, was much the + oldest of the party; being a fish-salesman’s book-keeper, aged forty. He + was the oldest boarder also; and in right of his double seniority, took + the lead in the house, as Mrs Todgers had already said. + </p> + <p> + There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor Mrs + Todgers, being reproached in confidence by Jinkins, slipped in and out, at + least twenty times to see about it; always coming back as though she had + no such thing upon her mind, and hadn’t been out at all. But there was no + hitch in the conversation nevertheless; for one gentleman, who travelled + in the perfumery line, exhibited an interesting nick-nack, in the way of a + remarkable cake of shaving soap which he had lately met with in Germany; + and the gentleman of a literary turn repeated (by desire) some sarcastic + stanzas he had recently produced on the freezing of the tank at the back + of the house. These amusements, with the miscellaneous conversation + arising out of them, passed the time splendidly, until dinner was + announced by Bailey junior in these terms: + </p> + <p> + ‘The wittles is up!’ + </p> + <p> + On which notice they immediately descended to the banquet-hall; some of + the more facetious spirits in the rear taking down gentlemen as if they + were ladies, in imitation of the fortunate possessors of the two Miss + Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff said grace—a short and pious grace, involving a + blessing on the appetites of those present, and committing all persons who + had nothing to eat, to the care of Providence; whose business (so said the + grace, in effect) it clearly was, to look after them. This done, they fell + to with less ceremony than appetite; the table groaning beneath the + weight, not only of the delicacies whereof the Miss Pecksniffs had been + previously forewarned, but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies and + abundance of such heavy vegetables as are favourably known to housekeepers + for their satisfying qualities. Besides which, there were bottles of + stout, bottles of wine, bottles of ale, and divers other strong drinks, + native and foreign. + </p> + <p> + All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were in + immense request; sitting one on either hand of Mr Jinkins at the bottom of + the table; and who were called upon to take wine with some new admirer + every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant, and so full of + conversation, in their lives; Mercy, in particular, was uncommonly + brilliant, and said so many good things in the way of lively repartee that + she was looked upon as a prodigy. ‘In short,’ as that young lady observed, + ‘they felt now, indeed, that they were in London, and for the first time + too.’ + </p> + <p> + Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the fullest + extent, and, abating nothing of his patronage, gave them every + encouragement in his power; favouring them, when the general attention was + diverted from his proceedings, with many nods and winks and other tokens + of recognition, and occasionally touching his nose with a corkscrew, as if + to express the Bacchanalian character of the meeting. In truth, perhaps + even the spirits of the two Miss Pecksniffs, and the hungry watchfulness + of Mrs Todgers, were less worthy of note than the proceedings of this + remarkable boy, whom nothing disconcerted or put out of his way. If any + piece of crockery, a dish or otherwise, chanced to slip through his hands + (which happened once or twice), he let it go with perfect good breeding, + and never added to the painful emotions of the company by exhibiting the + least regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and fro, disturb the repose of + the assembly, as many well-trained servants do; on the contrary, feeling + the hopelessness of waiting upon so large a party, he left the gentlemen + to help themselves to what they wanted, and seldom stirred from behind Mr + Jinkins’s chair, where, with his hands in his pockets, and his legs + planted pretty wide apart, he led the laughter, and enjoyed the + conversation. + </p> + <p> + The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The pudding-plates had been + washed in a little tub outside the door while cheese was on, and though + they were moist and warm with friction, still there they were again, up to + the mark, and true to time. Quarts of almonds; dozens of oranges; pounds + of raisins; stacks of biffins; soup-plates full of nuts.—Oh, + Todgers’s could do it when it chose! mind that. + </p> + <p> + Then more wine came on; red wines and white wines; and a large china bowl + of punch, brewed by the gentleman of a convivial turn, who adjured the + Miss Pecksniffs not to be despondent on account of its dimensions, as + there were materials in the house for the decoction of half a dozen more + of the same size. Good gracious, how they laughed! How they coughed when + they sipped it, because it was so strong; and how they laughed again when + somebody vowed that but for its colour it might have been mistaken, in + regard of its innocuous qualities, for new milk! What a shout of ‘No!’ + burst from the gentlemen when they pathetically implored Mr Jinkins to + suffer them to qualify it with hot water; and how blushingly, by little + and little, did each of them drink her whole glassful, down to its very + dregs! + </p> + <p> + Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanly + creature, Jinkins—never at a loss!), is about to leave the + firmament. ‘Miss Pecksniff!’ says Mrs Todgers, softly, ‘will you—?’ + ‘Oh dear, no more, Mrs Todgers.’ Mrs Todgers rises; the two Miss + Pecksniffs rise; all rise. Miss Mercy Pecksniff looks downward for her + scarf. Where is it? Dear me, where <i>can </i>it be? Sweet girl, she has it on; + not on her fair neck, but loose upon her flowing figure. A dozen hands + assist her. She is all confusion. The youngest gentleman in company + thirsts to murder Jinkins. She skips and joins her sister at the door. Her + sister has her arm about the waist of Mrs Todgers. She winds her arm + around her sister. Diana, what a picture! The last things visible are a + shape and a skip. ‘Gentlemen, let us drink the ladies!’ + </p> + <p> + The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn rises in + the midst, and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence which bears down + everything before it. He is reminded of a toast—a toast to which + they will respond. There is an individual present; he has him in his eye; + to whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He repeats it—a debt of + gratitude. Their rugged natures have been softened and ameliorated that + day, by the society of lovely woman. There is a gentleman in company whom + two accomplished and delightful females regard with veneration, as the + fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs lisped + in language scarce intelligible, they called that individual ‘Father!’ + There is great applause. He gives them ‘Mr Pecksniff, and God bless him!’ + They all shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the toast. The + youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he feels that a + mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being in the pink + scarf for his daughter. + </p> + <p> + What saith Mr Pecksniff in reply? Or rather let the question be, What + leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punch is called for, and produced, and + drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in his + own character. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal + gentleman regales them with a song. Gander leaves the Gander of all former + feasts whole leagues behind. <i>he</i> rises to propose a toast. It is, The + Father of Todgers’s. It is their common friend Jink—it is old Jink, + if he may call him by that familiar and endearing appellation. The + youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won’t have it—he + can’t bear it—it mustn’t be. But his depth of feeling is + misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated; and nobody heeds + him. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jinkins thanks them from his heart. It is, by many degrees, the + proudest day in his humble career. When he looks around him on the present + occasion, he feels that he wants words in which to express his gratitude. + One thing he will say. He hopes it has been shown that Todgers’s can be + true to itself; and that, an opportunity arising, it can come out quite as + strong as its neighbours—perhaps stronger. He reminds them, amidst + thunders of encouragement, that they have heard of a somewhat similar + establishment in Cannon Street; and that they have heard it praised. He + wishes to draw no invidious comparisons; he would be the last man to do + it; but when that Cannon Street establishment shall be able to produce + such a combination of wit and beauty as has graced that board that day, + and shall be able to serve up (all things considered) such a dinner as + that of which they have just partaken, he will be happy to talk to it. + Until then, gentlemen, he will stick to Todgers’s. + </p> + <p> + More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches. Everybody’s health is drunk, + saving the youngest gentleman’s in company. He sits apart, with his elbow + on the back of a vacant chair, and glares disdainfully at Jinkins. Gander, + in a convulsing speech, gives them the health of Bailey junior; hiccups + are heard; and a glass is broken. Mr Jinkins feels that it is time to join + the ladies. He proposes, as a final sentiment, Mrs Todgers. She is worthy + to be remembered separately. Hear, hear. So she is; no doubt of it. They + all find fault with her at other times; but every man feels now, that he + could die in her defence. + </p> + <p> + They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; for Mrs Todgers is + asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting her hair, and Mercy, who has made a sofa + of one of the window-seats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude. She is + rising hastily, when Mr Jinkins implores her, for all their sakes, not to + stir; she looks too graceful and too lovely, he remarks, to be disturbed. + She laughs, and yields, and fans herself, and drops her fan, and there is + a rush to pick it up. Being now installed, by one consent, as the beauty + of the party, she is cruel and capricious, and sends gentlemen on messages + to other gentlemen, and forgets all about them before they can return with + the answer, and invents a thousand tortures, rending their hearts to + pieces. Bailey brings up the tea and coffee. There is a small cluster of + admirers round Charity; but they are only those who cannot get near her + sister. The youngest gentleman in company is pale, but collected, and + still sits apart; for his spirit loves to hold communion with itself, and + his soul recoils from noisy revellers. She has a consciousness of his + presence and adoration. He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner of her + eye. Have a care, Jinkins, ere you provoke a desperate man to frenzy! + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had followed his younger friends upstairs, and taken a chair + at the side of Mrs Todgers. He had also spilt a cup of coffee over his + legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance; nor did he seem to + know that there was muffin on his knee. + </p> + <p> + ‘And how have they used you downstairs, sir?’ asked the hostess. + </p> + <p> + ‘Their conduct has been such, my dear madam,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘as I can + never think of without emotion, or remember without a tear. Oh, Mrs + Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My goodness!’ exclaimed that lady. ‘How low you are in your spirits, + sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am a man, my dear madam,’ said Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears and + speaking with an imperfect articulation, ‘but I am also a father. I am + also a widower. My feelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be entirely + smothered, like the young children in the Tower. They are grown up, and + the more I press the bolster on them, the more they look round the corner + of it.’ + </p> + <p> + He suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin, and stared at it + intently; shaking his head the while, in a forlorn and imbecile manner, as + if he regarded it as his evil genius, and mildly reproached it. + </p> + <p> + ‘She was beautiful, Mrs Todgers,’ he said, turning his glazed eye again + upon her, without the least preliminary notice. ‘She had a small + property.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So I have heard,’ cried Mrs Todgers with great sympathy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Those are her daughters,’ said Mr Pecksniff, pointing out the young + ladies, with increased emotion. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers had no doubt about it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mercy and Charity,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘Charity and Mercy. Not unholy + names, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pecksniff!’ cried Mrs Todgers. ‘What a ghastly smile! Are you ill, + sir?’ + </p> + <p> + He pressed his hand upon her arm, and answered in a solemn manner, and a + faint voice, ‘Chronic.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cholic?’ cried the frightened Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chron-ic,’ he repeated with some difficulty. ‘Chron-ic. A chronic + disorder. I have been its victim from childhood. It is carrying me to my + grave.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Heaven forbid!’ cried Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, it is,’ said Mr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. ‘I am rather glad + of it, upon the whole. You are like her, Mrs Todgers.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t squeeze me so tight, pray, Mr Pecksniff. If any of the gentlemen + should notice us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For her sake,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Permit me—in honour of her + memory. For the sake of a voice from the tomb. You are <i>very </i>like her Mrs + Todgers! What a world this is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! Indeed you may say that!’ cried Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + overflowing with despondency. ‘These young people about us. Oh! what sense + have they of their responsibilities? None. Give me your other hand, Mrs + Todgers.’ + </p> + <p> + The lady hesitated, and said ‘she didn’t like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Has a voice from the grave no influence?’ said Mr Pecksniff, with, dismal + tenderness. ‘This is irreligious! My dear creature.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush!’ urged Mrs Todgers. ‘Really you mustn’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s not me,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Don’t suppose it’s me; it’s the voice; + it’s her voice.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Pecksniff deceased, must have had an unusually thick and husky voice + for a lady, and rather a stuttering voice, and to say the truth somewhat + of a drunken voice, if it had ever borne much resemblance to that in which + Mr Pecksniff spoke just then. But perhaps this was delusion on his part. + </p> + <p> + ‘It has been a day of enjoyment, Mrs Todgers, but still it has been a day + of torture. It has reminded me of my loneliness. What am I in the world?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘An excellent gentleman, Mr Pecksniff,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘There is consolation in that too,’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Am I?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is no better man living,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘I am sure.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff smiled through his tears, and slightly shook his head. ‘You + are very good,’ he said, ‘thank you. It is a great happiness to me, Mrs + Todgers, to make young people happy. The happiness of my pupils is my + chief object. I dote upon ‘em. They dote upon me too—sometimes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Always,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘When they say they haven’t improved, ma’am,’ whispered Mr Pecksniff, + looking at her with profound mystery, and motioning to her to advance her + ear a little closer to his mouth. ‘When they say they haven’t improved, + ma’am, and the premium was too high, they lie! I shouldn’t wish it to be + mentioned; you will understand me; but I say to you as to an old friend, + they lie.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Base wretches they must be!’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Madam,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘you are right. I respect you for that + observation. A word in your ear. To Parents and Guardians. This is in + confidence, Mrs Todgers?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The strictest, of course!’ cried that lady. + </p> + <p> + ‘To Parents and Guardians,’ repeated Mr Pecksniff. ‘An eligible + opportunity now offers, which unites the advantages of the best practical + architectural education with the comforts of a home, and the constant + association with some, who, however humble their sphere and limited their + capacity—observe!—are not unmindful of their moral + responsibilities.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean, as well + she might; for it was, as the reader may perchance remember, Mr + Pecksniff’s usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and seemed + to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr Pecksniff + held up his finger as a caution to her not to interrupt him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs Todgers,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘who + desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young gentleman? An + orphan would be preferred. Do you know of any orphan with three or four + hundred pound?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers reflected, and shook her head. + </p> + <p> + ‘When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, ‘let that dear orphan’s friends apply, by letter post-paid, to + S. P., Post Office, Salisbury. I don’t know who he is exactly. Don’t be + alarmed, Mrs Todgers,’ said Mr Pecksniff, falling heavily against her; + ‘Chronic—chronic! Let’s have a little drop of something to drink.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless my life, Miss Pecksniffs!’ cried Mrs Todgers, aloud, ‘your dear + pa’s took very poorly!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff straightened himself by a surprising effort, as every one + turned hastily towards him; and standing on his feet, regarded the + assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave place to a + smile; a feeble, helpless, melancholy smile; bland, almost to sickliness. + ‘Do not repine, my friends,’ said Mr Pecksniff, tenderly. ‘Do not weep for + me. It is chronic.’ And with these words, after making a futile attempt to + pull off his shoes, he fell into the fireplace. + </p> + <p> + The youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second. Yes, before a + hair upon his head was singed, he had him on the hearth-rug—her + father! + </p> + <p> + She was almost beside herself. So was her sister. Jinkins consoled them + both. They all consoled them. Everybody had something to say, except the + youngest gentleman in company, who with a noble self-devotion did the + heavy work, and held up Mr Pecksniff’s head without being taken notice of + by anybody. At last they gathered round, and agreed to carry him upstairs + to bed. The youngest gentleman in company was rebuked by Jinkins for + tearing Mr Pecksniff’s coat! Ha, ha! But no matter. + </p> + <p> + They carried him upstairs, and crushed the youngest gentleman at every + step. His bedroom was at the top of the house, and it was a long way; but + they got him there in course of time. He asked them frequently on the road + for a little drop of something to drink. It seemed an idiosyncrasy. The + youngest gentleman in company proposed a draught of water. Mr Pecksniff + called him opprobious names for the suggestion. + </p> + <p> + Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him as + comfortable as they could, on the outside of his bed; and when he seemed + disposed to sleep, they left him. But before they had all gained the + bottom of the staircase, a vision of Mr Pecksniff, strangely attired, was + seen to flutter on the top landing. He desired to collect their + sentiments, it seemed, upon the nature of human life. + </p> + <p> + ‘My friends,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, ‘let us + improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion. Let us be moral. Let + us contemplate existence. Where is Jinkins?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here,’ cried that gentleman. ‘Go to bed again’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To bed!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Bed! ‘Tis the voice of the sluggard, I hear + him complain, you have woke me too soon, I must slumber again. If any + young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from Doctor + Watts’s collection, an eligible opportunity now offers.’ + </p> + <p> + Nobody volunteered. + </p> + <p> + ‘This is very soothing,’ said Mr Pecksniff, after a pause. ‘Extremely so. + Cool and refreshing; particularly to the legs! The legs of the human + subject, my friends, are a beautiful production. Compare them with wooden + legs, and observe the difference between the anatomy of nature and the + anatomy of art. Do you know,’ said Mr Pecksniff, leaning over the + banisters, with an odd recollection of his familiar manner among new + pupils at home, ‘that I should very much like to see Mrs Todgers’s notion + of a wooden leg, if perfectly agreeable to herself!’ + </p> + <p> + As it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him after + this speech, Mr Jinkins and Mr Gander went upstairs again, and once more + got him into bed. But they had not descended to the second floor before he + was out again; nor, when they had repeated the process, had they descended + the first flight, before he was out again. In a word, as often as he was + shut up in his own room, he darted out afresh, charged with some new moral + sentiment, which he continually repeated over the banisters, with + extraordinary relish, and an irrepressible desire for the improvement of + his fellow creatures that nothing could subdue. + </p> + <p> + Under these circumstances, when they had got him into bed for the + thirtieth time or so, Mr Jinkins held him, while his companion went + downstairs in search of Bailey junior, with whom he presently returned. + That youth having been apprised of the service required of him, was in + great spirits, and brought up a stool, a candle, and his supper; to the + end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom door with tolerable + comfort. + </p> + <p> + When he had completed his arrangements, they locked Mr Pecksniff in, and + left the key on the outside; charging the young page to listen attentively + for symptoms of an apoplectic nature, with which the patient might be + troubled, and, in case of any such presenting themselves, to summon them + without delay. To which Mr Bailey modestly replied that ‘he hoped he + knowed wot o’clock it wos in gineral, and didn’t date his letters to his + friends from Todgers’s for nothing.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TEN + </h2> + <p> + CONTAINING STRANGE MATTER, ON WHICH MANY EVENTS IN THIS HISTORY MAY, FOR + THEIR GOOD OR EVIL INFLUENCE, CHIEFLY DEPEND + </p> + <p> + But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that? Was he + always taking his pleasure with Todgers’s jovial brood, unmindful of the + serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his calm consideration? No. + </p> + <p> + Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to + wait for time and tide. That tide which, taken at the flood, would lead + Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in the table, and about to + flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far inland, unmindful of the changes of + the stream; but there, upon the water’s edge, over his shoes already, + stood the worthy creature, prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that it + slid towards the quarter of his hope. + </p> + <p> + The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed. They had + that firm reliance on their parent’s nature, which taught them to feel + certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight and full before + him. And that its noble end and object was himself, which almost of + necessity included them, they knew. The devotion of these maids was + perfect. + </p> + <p> + Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their having no + knowledge of their parent’s real designs, in the present instance. All + that they knew of his proceedings was, that every morning, after the early + breakfast, he repaired to the post office and inquired for letters. That + task performed, his business for the day was over; and he again relaxed, + until the rising of another sun proclaimed the advent of another post. + </p> + <p> + This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr Pecksniff + returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in him, at other + times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his daughters, shut + himself up with them in private conference for two whole hours. Of all + that passed in this period, only the following words of Mr Pecksniff’s + utterance are known: + </p> + <p> + ‘How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I + expect, that he has), we needn’t stop to inquire. My dears, I have my + thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is enough that + we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he wants our + friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!’ + </p> + <p> + That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackney-coach at + the post-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter addressed to + himself, and directed to be left till called for. It had been lying there + some days. The superscription was in Mr Pecksniff’s hand, and it was + sealed with Mr Pecksniff’s seal. + </p> + <p> + It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address ‘with Mr + Pecksniff’s respectful, and (not withstanding what has passed) sincerely + affectionate regards.’ The old gentleman tore off the direction—scattering + the rest in fragments to the winds—and giving it to the coachman, + bade him drive as near that place as he could. In pursuance of these + instructions he was driven to the Monument; where he again alighted, and + dismissed the vehicle, and walked towards Todgers’s. + </p> + <p> + Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his grip of + the stout stick on which he leaned, were all expressive of a resolution + not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little whether right or + wrong, just now) such as in other days might have survived the rack, and + had its strongest life in weakest death; still there were grains of + hesitation in his mind, which made him now avoid the house he sought, and + loiter to and fro in a gleam of sunlight, that brightened the little + churchyard hard by. There may have been, in the presence of those idle + heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life, something to increase his + wavering; but there he walked, awakening the echoes as he paced up and + down, until the church clock, striking the quarters for the second time + since he had been there, roused him from his meditation. Shaking off his + incertitude as the air parted with the sound of the bells, he walked + rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady’s little room, and his visitor + found him reading—by an accident; he apologised for it—an + excellent theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little table—by + another accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he said, he had + given his visitor up, and was about to partake of that simple refreshment + with his children, when he knocked at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your daughters are well?’ said old Martin, laying down his hat and stick. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when he + answered Yes, they were. They were good girls, he said, very good. He + would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the easy-chair, or to + keep out of the draught from the door. If he made any such suggestion, he + would expose himself, he feared, to most unjust suspicion. He would, + therefore, content himself with remarking that there was an easy-chair in + the room, and that the door was far from being air-tight. This latter + imperfection, he might perhaps venture to add, was not uncommonly to be + met with in old houses. + </p> + <p> + The old man sat down in the easy-chair, and after a few moments’ silence, + said: + </p> + <p> + ‘In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so promptly, at + my almost unexplained request; I need scarcely add, at my cost.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At <i>your </i>cost, my good sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of great + surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not,’ said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, ‘my habit to put my—well! + my relatives—to any personal expense to gratify my caprices.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Caprices, my good sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff + </p> + <p> + ‘That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,’ said the old + man. ‘No. You are right.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he didn’t + at all know why. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are right,’ repeated Martin. ‘It is not a caprice. It is built up on + reason, proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are. Moreover, I am not + a capricious man. I never was.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Most assuredly not,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you know?’ returned the other quickly. ‘You are to begin to know + it now. You are to test and prove it, in time to come. You and yours are + to find that I can be constant, and am not to be diverted from my end. Do + you hear?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perfectly,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I very much regret,’ Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and + speaking in a slow and measured tone; ‘I very much regret that you and I + held such a conversation together, as that which passed between us at our + last meeting. I very much regret that I laid open to you what were then my + thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The intentions that I bear towards + you now are of another kind; deserted by all in whom I have ever trusted; + hoodwinked and beset by all who should help and sustain me; I fly to you + for refuge. I confide in you to be my ally; to attach yourself to me by + ties of Interest and Expectation’—he laid great stress upon these + words, though Mr Pecksniff particularly begged him not to mention it; ‘and + to help me to visit the consequences of the very worst species of + meanness, dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right heads.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My noble sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched hand. + ‘And <i>you </i>regret the having harboured unjust thoughts of me! <i>you </i>with those + grey hairs!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Regrets,’ said Martin, ‘are the natural property of grey hairs; and I + enjoy, in common with all other men, at least my share of such + inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed from you + so long. If I had known you sooner, and sooner used you as you well + deserve, I might have been a happier man.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff looked up to the ceiling, and clasped his hands in rapture. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your daughters,’ said Martin, after a short silence. ‘I don’t know them. + Are they like you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ + returned the widower, ‘their sainted parent (not myself, their mother) + lives again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t mean in person,’ said the old man. ‘Morally, morally.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘’Tis not for me to say,’ retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile. ‘I + have done my best, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I could wish to see them,’ said Martin; ‘are they near at hand?’ + </p> + <p> + They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the door from + the beginning of this conversation until now, when they precipitately + retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his eyes, and so given + them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened the door, and mildly cried + in the passage, + </p> + <p> + ‘My own darlings, where are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here, my dear pa!’ replied the distant voice of Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, ‘and bring your sister with you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, my dear pa,’ cried Merry; and down they came directly (being all + obedience), singing as they came. + </p> + <p> + Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs when they + found a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could surpass their mute + amazement when he said, ‘My children, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ But when he told + them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit had + said such kind and tender words as pierced his very heart, the two Miss + Pecksniffs cried with one accord, ‘Thank Heaven for this!’ and fell upon + the old man’s neck. And when they had embraced him with such fervour of + affection that no words can describe it, they grouped themselves about his + chair, and hung over him, as figuring to themselves no earthly joy like + that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into the remainder of his + life, the love they would have diffused over their whole existence, from + infancy, if he—dear obdurate!—had but consented to receive the + precious offering. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20196m.jpg" alt="20196m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20196.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr + Pecksniff, several times. + </p> + <p> + ‘What,’ he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its + descent; for until now it had been piously upraised, with something of + that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a domestic + bird, when breathing its last amid the ravages of an electric storm: ‘What + are their names?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators would + have said, with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might be flitting + through old Martin’s mind; ‘Perhaps, my dears, you had better write them + down. Your humble autographs are of no value in themselves, but affection + may prize them.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Affection,’ said the old man, ‘will expend itself on the living + originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so easily + forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of remembrance. + Cousin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ said Mr Pecksniff, with alacrity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you never sit down?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why—yes—occasionally, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, who had been + standing all this time. + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you do so now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Can you ask me,’ returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair + immediately, ‘whether I will do anything that you desire?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You talk confidently,’ said Martin, ‘and you mean well; but I fear you + don’t know what an old man’s humours are. You don’t know what it is to be + required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt yourself to his + prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to bear with his + distrusts and jealousies; and always still be zealous in his service. When + I remember how numerous these failings are in me, and judge of their + occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts I lately entertained of you, + I hardly dare to claim you for my friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My worthy sir,’ returned his relative, ‘how <i>can </i>you talk in such a + painful strain! What was more natural than that you should make one slight + mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct, and have had + such reason—such very sad and undeniable reason—to judge of + every one about you in the worst light!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘True,’ replied the other. ‘You are very lenient with me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We always said, my girls and I,’ cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing + obsequiousness, ‘that while we mourned the heaviness of our misfortune in + being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we could not wonder at + it. My dears, you remember?’ + </p> + <p> + Oh vividly! A thousand times! + </p> + <p> + ‘We uttered no complaint,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Occasionally we had the + presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth would in the + end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. My loves, you + recollect?’ + </p> + <p> + Recollect! Could he doubt it! Dearest pa, what strange unnecessary + questions! + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0075m.jpg" alt="0075m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0075.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘And when I saw you,’ resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater deference, + ‘in the little, unassuming village where we take the liberty of dwelling, + I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir; that was all, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No—not all,’ said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon + his brow for some time past, and now looked up again; ‘you said much more, + which, added to other circumstances that have come to my knowledge, opened + my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on behalf of—I needn’t + name him. You know whom I mean.’ + </p> + <p> + Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff’s visage, as he pressed his hot + hands together, and replied, with humility, ‘Quite disinterestedly, sir, I + assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know it,’ said old Martin, in his quiet way. ‘I am sure of it. I said + so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw that herd of harpies off + from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men would have suffered + them to display themselves in all their rapacity, and would have striven + to rise, by contrast, in my estimation. You felt for me, and drew them + off, for which I owe you many thanks. Although I left the place, I know + what passed behind my back, you see!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You amaze me, sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff; which was true enough. + </p> + <p> + ‘My knowledge of your proceedings,’ said the old man, does not stop at + this. You have a new inmate in your house.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ rejoined the architect, ‘I have.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He must quit it’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘For—for yours?’ asked Mr Pecksniff, with a quavering mildness. + </p> + <p> + ‘For any shelter he can find,’ the old man answered. ‘He has deceived + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope not’ said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. ‘I trust not. I have been + extremely well disposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be shown + that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit—deceit, my + dear Mr Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself bound, on proof + of deceit, to renounce him instantly.’ + </p> + <p> + The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at Miss + Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater + demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features. His gaze + again encountered Mr Pecksniff, as he said, composedly: + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon his + head, and staring wildly at his daughters. ‘This is becoming tremendous!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You know the fact?’ repeated Martin + </p> + <p> + ‘Surely not without his grandfather’s consent and approbation my dear + sir!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Don’t tell me that. For the honour of human + nature, say you’re not about to tell me that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought he had suppressed it,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure, was only + to be equalled by the kindling anger of his daughters. What! Had they + taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted serpent; a crocodile, + who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an imposition on society; a + bankrupt bachelor with no effects, trading with the spinster world on + false pretences! And oh, to think that he should have disobeyed and + practised on that sweet, that venerable gentleman, whose name he bore; + that kind and tender guardian; his more than father—to say nothing + at all of mother—horrible, horrible! To turn him out with ignominy + would be treatment much too good. Was there nothing else that could be + done to him? Had he incurred no legal pains and penalties? Could it be + that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed no + punishment to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they been + deceived! + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad to find you second me so warmly,’ said the old man holding up + his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath. ‘I will not deny that it is a + pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We will consider that topic as + disposed of.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, my dear sir,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, ‘not as disposed of, until I have + purged my house of this pollution.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That will follow,’ said the old man, ‘in its own time. I look upon that + as done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are very good, sir,’ answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand. ‘You do + me honour. You <i>may </i>look upon it as done, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is another topic,’ said Martin, ‘on which I hope you will assist + me. You remember Mary, cousin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having interested me + so very much,’ remarked Mr Pecksniff. ‘Excuse my interrupting you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I told you her history?’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,’ cried Mr + Pecksniff. ‘Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewit—quite moved by it, they + were!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, look now!’ said Martin, evidently pleased; ‘I feared I should have + had to urge her case upon you, and ask you to regard her favourably for my + sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well! You have no cause for any, + to be sure. She has nothing to gain from me, my dears, and she knows it.’ + </p> + <p> + The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise arrangement, + and their cordial sympathy with its interesting object. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,’ said + the old man thoughfully; ‘but it is too late to think of that. You would + receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her, if need were?’ + </p> + <p> + Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have cherished + in their sisterly bosom! But when that orphan was commended to their care + by one on whom the dammed-up love of years was gushing forth, what + exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned to expend themselves upon + her! + </p> + <p> + An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame of + mind, sat gazing at the ground, without uttering a word; and as it was + plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his meditations, Mr + Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent also. During the whole + of the foregoing dialogue, he had borne his part with a cold, passionless + promptitude, as though he had learned and painfully rehearsed it all a + hundred times. Even when his expressions were warmest and his language + most encouraging, he had retained the same manner, without the least + abatement. But now there was a keener brightness in his eye, and more + expression in his voice, as he said, awakening from his thoughtful mood: + </p> + <p> + ‘You know what will be said of this? Have you reflected?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Said of what, my dear sir?’ Mr Pecksniff asked. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of this new understanding between us.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far above + all earthly misconstruction, as he shook his head, and observed that a + great many things would be said of it, no doubt. + </p> + <p> + ‘A great many,’ rejoined the old man. ‘Some will say that I dote in my old + age; that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all strength of mind, + and have grown childish. You can bear that?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but he + thought he could, if he made a great effort. + </p> + <p> + ‘Others will say—I speak of disappointed, angry people only—that + you have lied and fawned, and wormed yourself through dirty ways into my + favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such meannesses and + vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the legacy of half the + world we live in. You can bear that?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, as + reflecting, in some degree, on the discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit. Still he + had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny, with the help + of a good conscience, and that gentleman’s friendship. + </p> + <p> + ‘With the great mass of slanderers,’ said old Martin, leaning back in his + chair, ‘the tale, as I clearly foresee, will run thus: That to mark my + contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from among them the very + worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and enriched him at the cost + of all the rest. That, after casting about for the means of a punishment + which should rankle in the bosoms of these kites the most, and strike into + their gall, I devised this scheme at a time when the last link in the + chain of grateful love and duty, that held me to my race, was roughly + snapped asunder; roughly, for I loved him well; roughly, for I had ever + put my trust in his affection; roughly, for that he broke it when I loved + him most—God help me!—and he without a pang could throw me + off, while I clung about his heart! Now,’ said the old man, dismissing + this passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded to it, ‘is your + mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your account with having it to + bear, and put no trust in being set right by me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,’ cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, ‘for such a man as + you have shown yourself to be this day; for a man so injured, yet so very + humane; for a man so—I am at a loss what precise term to use—yet + at the same time so remarkably—I don’t know how to express my + meaning; for such a man as I have described, I hope it is no presumption + to say that I, and I am sure I may add my children also (my dears, we + perfectly agree in this, I think?), would bear anything whatever!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Enough,’ said Martin. ‘You can charge no consequences on me. When do you + retire home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Whenever you please, my dear sir. To-night if you desire it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I desire nothing,’ returned the old man, ‘that is unreasonable. Such a + request would be. Will you be ready to return at the end of this week?’ + </p> + <p> + The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested if it + had been left to him to make his own choice. As to his daughters—the + words, ‘Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,’ were actually upon their + lips. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your expenses, cousin,’ said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper from + his pocketbook, ‘may possibly exceed that amount. If so, let me know the + balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be useless if I told + you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed abode. When I have, you + shall know it. You and your daughters may expect to see me before long; in + the meantime I need not tell you that we keep our own confidence. What you + will do when you get home is understood between us. Give me no account of + it at any time; and never refer to it in any way. I ask that as a favour. + I am commonly a man of few words, cousin; and all that need be said just + now is said, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One glass of wine—one morsel of this homely cake?’ cried Mr + Pecksniff, venturing to detain him. ‘My dears—!’ + </p> + <p> + The sisters flew to wait upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor girls!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘You will excuse their agitation, my dear + sir. They are made up of feeling. A bad commodity to go through the world + with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is almost as much of a woman as + my eldest, is she not, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which <i>is</i> the youngest?’ asked the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mercy, by five years,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘We sometimes venture to + consider her rather a fine figure, sir. Speaking as an artist, I may + perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and correct. + I am naturally,’ said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon his + handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin’s face at almost every + word, ‘proud, if I may use the expression, to have a daughter who is + constructed on the best models.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She seems to have a lively disposition,’ observed Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘That is quite remarkable. You have defined + her character, my dear sir, as correctly as if you had known her from her + birth. She <i>has </i>a lively disposition. I assure you, my dear sir, that in + our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No doubt,’ returned the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Charity, upon the other hand,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘is remarkable for + strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of sentiment, if the partiality + of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful affection between + them, my dear sir! Allow me to drink your health. Bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I little thought,’ retorted Martin, ‘but a month ago, that I should be + breaking bread and pouring wine with you. I drink to you.’ + </p> + <p> + Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these latter + words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff thanked him devoutly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now let me go,’ said Martin, putting down the wine when he had merely + touched it with his lips. ‘My dears, good morning!’ + </p> + <p> + But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for the + yearnings of the young ladies, who again embraced him with all their + hearts—with all their arms at any rate—to which parting + caresses their new-found friend submitted with a better grace than might + have been expected from one who, not a moment before, had pledged their + parent in such a very uncomfortable manner. These endearments terminated, + he took a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and withdrew, followed to the door + by both father and daughters, who stood there kissing their hands and + beaming with affection until he disappeared; though, by the way, he never + once looked back, after he had crossed the threshold. + </p> + <p> + When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs Todgers’s + room, the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of gaiety; insomuch + that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and looked with roguish + aspects and a bantering air upon their dear papa. This conduct was so very + unaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff (being singularly grave himself) could + scarcely choose but ask them what it meant; and took them to task, in his + gentle manner, for yielding to such light emotions. + </p> + <p> + ‘If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the most + remote,’ he said, ‘I should not reprove you. But when you can have none + whatever—oh, really, really!’ + </p> + <p> + This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged to + hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips, and to throw herself back in + her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement; which want of + duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in set terms, and gave + her his parental advice to correct herself in solitude and contemplation. + But at that juncture they were disturbed by the sound of voices in + dispute; and as it proceeded from the next room, the subject matter of the + altercation quickly reached their ears. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t care that! Mrs Todgers,’ said the young gentleman who had been + the youngest gentleman in company on the day of the festival; ‘I don’t + care <i>that</i>, ma’am,’ said he, snapping his fingers, ‘for Jinkins. Don’t + suppose I do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am quite certain you don’t, sir,’ replied Mrs Todgers. ‘You have too + independent a spirit, I know, to yield to anybody. And quite right. There + is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman. Everybody must be + well aware of that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,’ said the + youngest gentleman, in a desperate voice, ‘than if he was a bulldog.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of principle, + there was any particular reason for admitting daylight even into a + bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his eyes, but she seemed + to wring her hands, and she moaned. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let him be careful,’ said the youngest gentleman. ‘I give him warning. No + man shall step between me and the current of my vengeance. I know a Cove—’ + he used that familiar epithet in his agitation but corrected himself by + adding, ‘a gentleman of property, I mean—who practices with a pair + of pistols (fellows too) of his own. If I am driven to borrow ‘em, and to + send at friend to Jinkins, a tragedy will get into the papers. That’s + all.’ + </p> + <p> + Again Mrs Todgers moaned. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have borne this long enough,’ said the youngest gentleman but now my + soul rebels against it, and I won’t stand it any longer. I left home + originally, because I had that within me which wouldn’t be domineered over + by a sister; and do you think I’m going to be put down by <i>him</i>? No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable in Mr + Jinkins, if he intends it,’ observed Mrs Todgers + </p> + <p> + ‘If he intends it!’ cried the youngest gentleman. ‘Don’t he interrupt and + contradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to interpose himself + between me and anything or anybody that he sees I have set my mind upon? + Does he make a point of always pretending to forget me, when he’s pouring + out the beer? Does he make bragging remarks about his razors, and + insulting allusions to people who have no necessity to shave more than + once a week? But let him look out! He’ll find himself shaved, pretty + close, before long, and so I tell him.’ + </p> + <p> + The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch as he + never told it to Jinkins, but always to Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘However,’ he said, ‘these are not proper subjects for ladies’ ears. All + I’ve got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a week’s notice from next + Saturday. The same house can’t contain that miscreant and me any longer. + If we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed, you may think + yourself pretty fortunate. I don’t myself expect we shall.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear, dear!’ cried Mrs Todgers, ‘what would I have given to have + prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be like losing the house’s + right-hand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally looked + up to; and so much liked! I do hope you’ll think better of it; if on + nobody else’s account, on mine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s Jinkins,’ said the youngest gentleman, moodily. ‘Your favourite. + He’ll console you, and the gentlemen too, for the loss of twenty such as + me. I’m not understood in this house. I never have been.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t run away with that opinion, sir!’ cried Mrs Todgers, with a show of + honest indignation. ‘Don’t make such a charge as that against the + establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as that comes to, sir. + Make any remark you please against the gentlemen, or against me; but don’t + say you’re not understood in this house.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m not treated as if I was,’ said the youngest gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘There you make a great mistake, sir,’ returned Mrs Todgers, in the same + strain. ‘As many of the gentlemen and I have often said, you are too + sensitive. That’s where it is. You are of too susceptible a nature; it’s + in your spirit.’ + </p> + <p> + The young gentleman coughed. + </p> + <p> + ‘And as,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if we + <i>are </i>to part, to understand that I don’t abet Mr Jinkins by any means. Far + from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a lower tone in this + establishment, and would not be the means of raising differences between + me and gentlemen that I can much less bear to part with than I could with + Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not such a boarder, sir,’ added Mrs Todgers, + ‘that all considerations of private feeling and respect give way before + him. Quite the contrary, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar speeches on + the part of Mrs Todgers, that he and that lady gradually changed + positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was understood to + be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an offensive sense; his + cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted nature, and to that alone. + So, in the end, the young gentleman withdrew his notice, and assured Mrs + Todgers of his unalterable regard; and having done so, went back to + business. + </p> + <p> + ‘Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!’ cried that lady, as she came into the back + room, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees, and her hands + folded upon it, ‘what a trial of temper it is to keep a house like this! + You must have heard most of what has just passed. Now did you ever hear + the like?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never!’ said the two Miss Pecksniffs. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,’ + resumed Mrs Todgers, ‘that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable. Mr + Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he deserves. + To mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same breath with <i>him</i>—you + know it’s too much! And yet he’s as jealous of him, bless you, as if he + was his equal.’ + </p> + <p> + The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers’s account, no + less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest gentleman’s + character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr Pecksniff looked quite + stern and angry; and when she had concluded, said in a solemn voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman + contribute towards the support of these premises?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir, for what <i>he</i> has, he pays about eighteen shillings a week!’ said + Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Eighteen shillings a week!’ repeated Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Taking one week with another; as near that as possible,’ said Mrs + Todgers. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her, and + shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘And do you mean to say, ma’am—is it possible, Mrs Todgers—that + for such a miserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a female + of your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a double face, + even for an instant?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,’ faltered Mrs + Todgers. ‘I must preserve peace among them, and keep my connection + together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very small.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The profit!’ cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the word. + ‘The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze me!’ + </p> + <p> + He was so severe, that Mrs Todgers shed tears. + </p> + <p> + ‘The profit!’ repeated Mr pecksniff. ‘The profit of dissimulation! To + worship the golden calf of Baal, for eighteen shillings a week!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,’ cried Mrs + Todgers, taking out her handkerchief. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh Calf, Calf!’ cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. ‘Oh, Baal, Baal! oh my + friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away that precious jewel, self-esteem, and + cringe to any mortal creature—for eighteen shillings a week!’ + </p> + <p> + He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he immediately took + down his hat from its peg in the passage, and went out for a walk, to + compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the street might have known + him for a good man at first sight; for his whole figure teemed with a + consciousness of the moral homily he had read to Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright + Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon, star, or garter; sleeves + of lawn, a great man’s smile, a seat in parliament, a tap upon the + shoulder from a courtly sword; a place, a party, or a thriving lie, or + eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen hundred;—but to worship + the golden calf for eighteen shillings a week! oh pitiful, pitiful! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER ELEVEN + </h2> + <p> + WHEREIN A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN BECOMES PARTICULAR IN HIS ATTENTIONS TO A + CERTAIN LADY; AND MORE COMING EVENTS THAN ONE, CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE + </p> + <p> + The family were within two or three days of their departure from Mrs + Todgers’s, and the commercial gentlemen were to a man despondent and not + to be comforted, because of the approaching separation, when Bailey + junior, at the jocund time of noon, presented himself before Miss Charity + Pecksniff, then sitting with her sister in the banquet chamber, hemming + six new pocket-handkerchiefs for Mr Jinkins; and having expressed a hope, + preliminary and pious, that he might be blest, gave her in his pleasant + way to understand that a visitor attended to pay his respects to her, and + was at that moment waiting in the drawing-room. Perhaps this last + announcement showed in a more striking point of view than many lengthened + speeches could have done, the trustfulness and faith of Bailey’s nature; + since he had, in fact, last seen the visitor on the door-mat, where, after + signifying to him that he would do well to go upstairs, he had left him to + the guidance of his own sagacity. Hence it was at least an even chance + that the visitor was then wandering on the roof of the house, or vainly + seeking to extricate himself from the maze of bedrooms; Todgers’s being + precisely that kind of establishment in which an unpiloted stranger is + pretty sure to find himself in some place where he least expects and least + desires to be. + </p> + <p> + ‘A gentleman for me!’ cried Charity, pausing in her work; ‘my gracious, + Bailey!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Bailey. ‘It <i>is</i> my gracious, an’t it? Wouldn’t I be gracious + neither, not if I wos him!’ + </p> + <p> + The remark was rendered somewhat obscure in itself, by reason (as the + reader may have observed) of a redundancy of negatives; but accompanied by + action expressive of a faithful couple walking arm-in-arm towards a + parochial church, mutually exchanging looks of love, it clearly signified + this youth’s conviction that the caller’s purpose was of an amorous + tendency. Miss Charity affected to reprove so great a liberty; but she + could not help smiling. He was a strange boy, to be sure. There was always + some ground of probability and likelihood mingled with his absurd + behaviour. That was the best of it! + </p> + <p> + ‘But I don’t know any gentlemen, Bailey,’ said Miss Pecksniff. ‘I think + you must have made a mistake.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey smiled at the extreme wildness of such a supposition, and + regarded the young ladies with unimpaired affability. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Merry,’ said Charity, ‘who <i>can </i>it be? Isn’t it odd? I have a + great mind not to go to him really. So very strange, you know!’ + </p> + <p> + The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its origin in + the pride of being called upon and asked for; and that it was intended as + an assertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon her for having + captured the commercial gentlemen. Therefore, she replied, with great + affection and politeness, that it was, no doubt, very strange indeed; and + that she was totally at a loss to conceive what the ridiculous person + unknown could mean by it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite impossible to divine!’ said Charity, with some sharpness, ‘though + still, at the same time, you needn’t be angry, my dear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ retorted Merry, singing at her needle. ‘I am quite aware of + that, my love.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid your head is turned, you silly thing,’ said Cherry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you know, my dear,’ said Merry, with engaging candour, ‘that I have + been afraid of that, myself, all along! So much incense and nonsense, and + all the rest of it, is enough to turn a stronger head than mine. What a + relief it must be to you, my dear, to be so very comfortable in that + respect, and not to be worried by those odious men! How do you do it, + Cherry?’ + </p> + <p> + This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for the + strong emotions of delight evinced by Bailey junior, whose relish in the + turn the conversation had lately taken was so acute, that it impelled and + forced him to the instantaneous performance of a dancing step, extremely + difficult in its nature, and only to be achieved in a moment of ecstasy, + which is commonly called The Frog’s Hornpipe. A manifestation so lively, + brought to their immediate recollection the great virtuous precept, ‘Keep + up appearances whatever you do,’ in which they had been educated. They + forbore at once, and jointly signified to Mr Bailey that if he should + presume to practice that figure any more in their presence, they would + instantly acquaint Mrs Todgers with the fact, and would demand his condign + punishment, at the hands of that lady. The young gentleman having + expressed the bitterness of his contrition by affecting to wipe away + scalding tears with his apron, and afterwards feigning to wring a vast + amount of water from that garment, held the door open while Miss Charity + passed out; and so that damsel went in state upstairs to receive her + mysterious adorer. + </p> + <p> + By some strange occurrence of favourable circumstances he had found out + the drawing-room, and was sitting there alone. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, cousin!’ he said. ‘Here I am, you see. You thought I was lost, I’ll + be bound. Well! how do you find yourself by this time?’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity replied that she was quite well, and gave Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit + her hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s right,’ said Mr Jonas, ‘and you’ve got over the fatigues of the + journey have you? I say. How’s the other one?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My sister is very well, I believe,’ returned the young lady. ‘I have not + heard her complain of any indisposition, sir. Perhaps you would like to + see her, and ask her yourself?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no cousin!’ said Mr Jonas, sitting down beside her on the + window-seat. ‘Don’t be in a hurry. There’s no occasion for that, you know. + What a cruel girl you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s impossible for <i>you </i>to know,’ said Cherry, ‘whether I am or not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, perhaps it is,’ said Mr Jonas. ‘I say—Did you think I was + lost? You haven’t told me that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t think at all about it,’ answered Cherry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t you though?’ said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. ‘Did + the other one?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure it’s impossible for me to say what my sister may, or may not + have thought on such a subject,’ cried Cherry. ‘She never said anything to + me about it, one way or other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t she laugh about it?’ inquired Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘No. She didn’t even laugh about it,’ answered Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s a terrible one to laugh, an’t she?’ said Jonas, lowering his voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘She is very lively,’ said Cherry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Liveliness is a pleasant thing—when it don’t lead to spending + money. An’t it?’ asked Mr Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very much so, indeed,’ said Cherry, with a demureness of manner that gave + a very disinterested character to her assent. + </p> + <p> + ‘Such liveliness as yours I mean, you know,’ observed Mr Jonas, as he + nudged her with his elbow. ‘I should have come to see you before, but I + didn’t know where you was. How quick you hurried off, that morning!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was amenable to my papa’s directions,’ said Miss Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish he had given me his direction,’ returned her cousin, ‘and then I + should have found you out before. Why, I shouldn’t have found you even + now, if I hadn’t met him in the street this morning. What a sleek, sly + chap he is! Just like a tomcat, an’t he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I must trouble you to have the goodness to speak more respectfully of my + papa, Mr Jonas,’ said Charity. ‘I can’t allow such a tone as that, even in + jest.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod, you may say what you like of <i>my</i> father, then, and so I give you + leave,’ said Jonas. ‘I think it’s liquid aggravation that circulates + through his veins, and not regular blood. How old should you think my + father was, cousin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Old, no doubt,’ replied Miss Charity; ‘but a fine old gentleman.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A fine old gentleman!’ repeated Jonas, giving the crown of his hat an + angry knock. ‘Ah! It’s time he was thinking of being drawn out a little + finer too. Why, he’s eighty!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he, indeed?’ said the young lady. + </p> + <p> + ‘And ecod,’ cried Jonas, ‘now he’s gone so far without giving in, I don’t + see much to prevent his being ninety; no, nor even a hundred. Why, a man + with any feeling ought to be ashamed of being eighty, let alone more. + Where’s his religion, I should like to know, when he goes flying in the + face of the Bible like that? Threescore-and-ten’s the mark, and no man + with a conscience, and a proper sense of what’s expected of him, has any + business to live longer.’ + </p> + <p> + Is any one surprised at Mr Jonas making such a reference to such a book + for such a purpose? Does any one doubt the old saw, that the Devil (being + a layman) quotes Scripture for his own ends? If he will take the trouble + to look about him, he may find a greater number of confirmations of the + fact in the occurrences of any single day, than the steam-gun can + discharge balls in a minute. + </p> + <p> + ‘But there’s enough of my father,’ said Jonas; ‘it’s of no use to go + putting one’s self out of the way by talking about <i>him</i>. I called to ask + you to come and take a walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; and to + come to our house afterwards, and have a bit of something. Pecksniff will + most likely look in in the evening, he says, and bring you home. See, + here’s his writing; I made him put it down this morning when he told me he + shouldn’t be back before I came here; in case you wouldn’t believe me. + There’s nothing like proof, is there? Ha, ha! I say—you’ll bring the + other one, you know!’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father’s autograph, which merely said—‘Go, + my children, with your cousin. Let there be union among us when it is + possible;’ and after enough of hesitation to impart a proper value to her + consent, withdrew to prepare her sister and herself for the excursion. She + soon returned, accompanied by Miss Mercy, who was by no means pleased to + leave the brilliant triumphs of Todgers’s for the society of Mr Jonas and + his respected father. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aha!’ cried Jonas. ‘There you are, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, fright,’ said Mercy, ‘here I am; and I would much rather be anywhere + else, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t mean that,’ cried Mr Jonas. ‘You can’t, you know. It isn’t + possible.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You can have what opinion you like, fright,’ retorted Mercy. ‘I am + content to keep mine; and mine is that you are a very unpleasant, odious, + disagreeable person.’ Here she laughed heartily, and seemed to enjoy + herself very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you’re a sharp gal!’ said Mr Jonas. ‘She’s a regular teaser, an’t + she, cousin?’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity replied in effect, that she was unable to say what the habits + and propensities of a regular teaser might be; and that even if she + possessed such information, it would ill become her to admit the existence + of any creature with such an unceremonious name in her family; far less in + the person of a beloved sister; ‘whatever,’ added Cherry with an angry + glance, ‘whatever her real nature may be.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, my dear,’ said Merry, ‘the only observation I have to make is, that + if we don’t go out at once, I shall certainly take my bonnet off again, + and stay at home.’ + </p> + <p> + This threat had the desired effect of preventing any farther altercation, + for Mr Jonas immediately proposed an adjournment, and the same being + carried unanimously, they departed from the house straightway. On the + doorstep, Mr Jonas gave an arm to each cousin; which act of gallantry + being observed by Bailey junior, from the garret window, was by him + saluted with a loud and violent fit of coughing, to which paroxysm he was + still the victim when they turned the corner. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if they were good walkers and + being answered, ‘Yes,’ submitted their pedestrian powers to a pretty + severe test; for he showed them as many sights, in the way of bridges, + churches, streets, outsides of theatres, and other free spectacles, in + that one forenoon, as most people see in a twelvemonth. It was observable + in this gentleman, that he had an insurmountable distaste to the insides + of buildings, and that he was perfectly acquainted with the merits of all + shows, in respect of which there was any charge for admission, which it + seemed were every one detestable, and of the very lowest grade of merit. + He was so thoroughly possessed with this opinion, that when Miss Charity + happened to mention the circumstance of their having been twice or thrice + to the theatre with Mr Jinkins and party, he inquired, as a matter of + course, ‘where the orders came from?’ and being told that Mr Jinkins and + party paid, was beyond description entertained, observing that ‘they must + be nice flats, certainly;’ and often in the course of the walk, bursting + out again into a perfect convulsion of laughter at the surpassing + silliness of those gentlemen, and (doubtless) at his own superior wisdom. + </p> + <p> + When they had been out for some hours and were thoroughly fatigued, it + being by that time twilight, Mr Jonas intimated that he would show them + one of the best pieces of fun with which he was acquainted. This joke was + of a practical kind, and its humour lay in taking a hackney-coach to the + extreme limits of possibility for a shilling. Happily it brought them to + the place where Mr Jonas dwelt, or the young ladies might have rather + missed the point and cream of the jest. + </p> + <p> + The old-established firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, Manchester + Warehousemen, and so forth, had its place of business in a very narrow + street somewhere behind the Post Office; where every house was in the + brightest summer morning very gloomy; and where light porters watered the + pavement, each before his own employer’s premises, in fantastic patterns, + in the dog-days; and where spruce gentlemen with their hands in the + pockets of symmetrical trousers, were always to be seen in warm weather, + contemplating their undeniable boots in dusty warehouse doorways; which + appeared to be the hardest work they did, except now and then carrying + pens behind their ears. A dim, dirty, smoky, tumble-down, rotten old house + it was, as anybody would desire to see; but there the firm of Anthony + Chuzzlewit and Son transacted all their business and their pleasure too, + such as it was; for neither the young man nor the old had any other + residence, or any care or thought beyond its narrow limits. + </p> + <p> + Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in this + establishment; insomuch indeed that it shouldered comfort out of doors, + and jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in the miserable + bedrooms there were files of moth-eaten letters hanging up against the + walls; and linen rollers, and fragments of old patterns, and odds and ends + of spoiled goods, strewed upon the ground; while the meagre bedsteads, + washing-stands, and scraps of carpet, were huddled away into corners as + objects of secondary consideration, not to be thought of but as + disagreeable necessities, furnishing no profit, and intruding on the one + affair of life. The single sitting-room was on the same principle, a chaos + of boxes and old papers, and had more counting-house stools in it than + chairs; not to mention a great monster of a desk straddling over the + middle of the floor, and an iron safe sunk into the wall above the + fireplace. The solitary little table for purposes of refection and social + enjoyment, bore as fair a proportion to the desk and other business + furniture, as the graces and harmless relaxations of life had ever done, + in the persons of the old man and his son, to their pursuit of wealth. It + was meanly laid out now for dinner; and in a chair before the fire sat + Anthony himself, who rose to greet his son and his fair cousins as they + entered. + </p> + <p> + An ancient proverb warns us that we should not expect to find old heads + upon young shoulders; to which it may be added that we seldom meet with + that unnatural combination, but we feel a strong desire to knock them off; + merely from an inherent love we have of seeing things in their right + places. It is not improbable that many men, in no wise choleric by nature, + felt this impulse rising up within them, when they first made the + acquaintance of Mr Jonas; but if they had known him more intimately in his + own house, and had sat with him at his own board, it would assuredly have + been paramount to all other considerations. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, ghost!’ said Mr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by that + title. ‘Is dinner nearly ready?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think it was,’ rejoined the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the good of that?’ rejoined the son. ‘I should think it was. I + want to know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! I don’t know for certain,’ said Anthony. + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t know for certain,’ rejoined his son in a lower tone. ‘No. You + don’t know anything for certain, <i>you </i>don’t. Give me your candle here. I + want it for the gals.’ + </p> + <p> + Anthony handed him a battered old office candlestick, with which Mr Jonas + preceded the young ladies to the nearest bedroom, where he left them to + take off their shawls and bonnets; and returning, occupied himself in + opening a bottle of wine, sharpening the carving-knife, and muttering + compliments to his father, until they and the dinner appeared together. + The repast consisted of a hot leg of mutton with greens and potatoes; and + the dishes having been set upon the table by a slipshod old woman, they + were left to enjoy it after their own manner. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bachelor’s Hall, you know, cousin,’ said Mr Jonas to Charity. ‘I say—the + other one will be having a laugh at this when she gets home, won’t she? + Here; you sit on the right side of me, and I’ll have her upon the left. + Other one, will you come here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re such a fright,’ replied Mercy, ‘that I know I shall have no + appetite if I sit so near you; but I suppose I must.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘An’t she lively?’ whispered Mr Jonas to the elder sister, with his + favourite elbow emphasis. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh I really don’t know!’ replied Miss Pecksniff, tartly. ‘I am tired of + being asked such ridiculous questions.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s that precious old father of mine about now?’ said Mr Jonas, seeing + that his parent was travelling up and down the room instead of taking his + seat at table. ‘What are you looking for?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ve lost my glasses, Jonas,’ said old Anthony. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sit down without your glasses, can’t you?’ returned his son. ‘You don’t + eat or drink out of ‘em, I think; and where’s that sleepy-headed old + Chuffey got to! Now, stupid. Oh! you know your name, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + It would seem that he didn’t, for he didn’t come until the father called. + As he spoke, the door of a small glass office, which was partitioned off + from the rest of the room, was slowly opened, and a little blear-eyed, + weazen-faced, ancient man came creeping out. He was of a remote fashion, + and dusty, like the rest of the furniture; he was dressed in a decayed + suit of black; with breeches garnished at the knees with rusty wisps of + ribbon, the very paupers of shoestrings; on the lower portion of his + spindle legs were dingy worsted stockings of the same colour. He looked as + if he had been put away and forgotten half a century before, and somebody + had just found him in a lumber-closet. + </p> + <p> + Such as he was, he came slowly creeping on towards the table, until at + last he crept into the vacant chair, from which, as his dim faculties + became conscious of the presence of strangers, and those strangers ladies, + he rose again, apparently intending to make a bow. But he sat down once + more without having made it, and breathing on his shrivelled hands to warm + them, remained with his poor blue nose immovable above his plate, looking + at nothing, with eyes that saw nothing, and a face that meant nothing. + Take him in that state, and he was an embodiment of nothing. Nothing else. + </p> + <p> + ‘Our clerk,’ said Mr Jonas, as host and master of the ceremonies: ‘Old + Chuffey.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he deaf?’ inquired one of the young ladies. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I don’t know that he is. He an’t deaf, is he, father?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never heard him say he was,’ replied the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Blind?’ inquired the young ladies. + </p> + <p> + ‘N—no. I never understood that he was at all blind,’ said Jonas, + carelessly. ‘You don’t consider him so, do you, father?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly not,’ replied Anthony. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is he, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I’ll tell you what he is,’ said Mr Jonas, apart to the young ladies, + ‘he’s precious old, for one thing; and I an’t best pleased with him for + that, for I think my father must have caught it of him. He’s a strange old + chap, for another,’ he added in a louder voice, ‘and don’t understand any + one hardly, but <i>him</i>!’ He pointed to his honoured parent with the + carving-fork, in order that they might know whom he meant. + </p> + <p> + ‘How very strange!’ cried the sisters. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you see,’ said Mr Jonas, ‘he’s been addling his old brains with + figures and book-keeping all his life; and twenty years ago or so he went + and took a fever. All the time he was out of his head (which was three + weeks) he never left off casting up; and he got to so many million at last + that I don’t believe he’s ever been quite right since. We don’t do much + business now though, and he an’t a bad clerk.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A very good one,’ said Anthony. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! He an’t a dear one at all events,’ observed Jonas; ‘and he earns + his salt, which is enough for our look-out. I was telling you that he + hardly understands any one except my father; he always understands him, + though, and wakes up quite wonderful. He’s been used to his ways so long, + you see! Why, I’ve seen him play whist, with my father for a partner; and + a good rubber too; when he had no more notion what sort of people he was + playing against, than you have.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Has he no appetite?’ asked Merry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes,’ said Jonas, plying his own knife and fork very fast. ‘He eats—when + he’s helped. But he don’t care whether he waits a minute or an hour, as + long as father’s here; so when I’m at all sharp set, as I am to-day, I + come to him after I’ve taken the edge off my own hunger, you know. Now, + Chuffey, stupid, are you ready?’ + </p> + <p> + Chuffey remained immovable. + </p> + <p> + ‘Always a perverse old file, he was,’ said Mr Jonas, coolly helping + himself to another slice. ‘Ask him, father.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you ready for your dinner, Chuffey?’ asked the old man + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes,’ said Chuffey, lighting up into a sentient human creature at + the first sound of the voice, so that it was at once a curious and quite a + moving sight to see him. ‘Yes, yes. Quite ready, Mr Chuzzlewit. Quite + ready, sir. All ready, all ready, all ready.’ With that he stopped, + smilingly, and listened for some further address; but being spoken to no + more, the light forsook his face by little and little, until he was + nothing again. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’ll be very disagreeable, mind,’ said Jonas, addressing his cousins as + he handed the old man’s portion to his father. ‘He always chokes himself + when it an’t broth. Look at him, now! Did you ever see a horse with such a + wall-eyed expression as he’s got? If it hadn’t been for the joke of it I + wouldn’t have let him come in to-day; but I thought he’d amuse you.’ + </p> + <p> + The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, as + unconscious of its purport as of most other remarks that were made in his + presence. But the mutton being tough, and his gums weak, he quickly + verified the statement relative to his choking propensities, and underwent + so much in his attempts to dine, that Mr Jonas was infinitely amused; + protesting that he had seldom seen him better company in all his life, and + that he was enough to make a man split his sides with laughing. Indeed, he + went so far as to assure the sisters, that in this point of view he + considered Chuffey superior to his own father; which, as he significantly + added, was saying a great deal. + </p> + <p> + It was strange enough that Anthony Chuzzlewit, himself so old a man, + should take a pleasure in these gibings of his estimable son at the + expense of the poor shadow at their table. But he did, unquestionably; + though not so much—to do him justice—with reference to their + ancient clerk, as in exultation at the sharpness of Jonas. For the same + reason that young man’s coarse allusions, even to himself, filled him with + a stealthy glee; causing him to rub his hands and chuckle covertly, as if + he said in his sleeve, ‘I taught him. I trained him. This is the heir of + my bringing-up. Sly, cunning, and covetous, he’ll not squander my money. I + worked for this; I hoped for this; it has been the great end and aim of my + life.’ + </p> + <p> + What a noble end and aim it was to contemplate in the attainment truly! + But there be some who manufacture idols after the fashion of themselves, + and fail to worship them when they are made; charging their deformity on + outraged nature. Anthony was better than these at any rate. + </p> + <p> + Chuffey boggled over his plate so long, that Mr Jonas, losing patience, + took it from him at last with his own hands, and requested his father to + signify to that venerable person that he had better ‘peg away at his + bread;’ which Anthony did. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye!’ cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this was + communicated to him in the same voice, ‘quite right, quite right. He’s + your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit! Bless him for a sharp lad! Bless him, bless + him!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas considered this so particularly childish (perhaps with some + reason), that he only laughed the more, and told his cousins that he was + afraid one of these fine days, Chuffey would be the death of him. The + cloth was then removed, and the bottle of wine set upon the table, from + which Mr Jonas filled the young ladies’ glasses, calling on them not to + spare it, as they might be certain there was plenty more where that came + from. But he added with some haste after this sally that it was only his + joke, and they wouldn’t suppose him to be in earnest, he was sure. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall drink,’ said Anthony, ‘to Pecksniff. Your father, my dears. A + clever man, Pecksniff. A wary man! A hypocrite, though, eh? A hypocrite, + girls, eh? Ha, ha, ha! Well, so he is. Now, among friends, he is. I don’t + think the worse of him for that, unless it is that he overdoes it. You may + overdo anything, my darlings. You may overdo even hypocrisy. Ask Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You can’t overdo taking care of yourself,’ observed that hopeful + gentleman with his mouth full. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you hear that, my dears?’ cried Anthony, quite enraptured. ‘Wisdom, + wisdom! A good exception, Jonas. No. It’s not easy to overdo that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Except,’ whispered Mr Jonas to his favourite cousin, ‘except when one + lives too long. Ha, ha! Tell the other one that—I say!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious me!’ said Cherry, in a petulant manner. ‘You can tell her + yourself, if you wish, can’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She seems to make such game of one,’ replied Mr Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then why need you trouble yourself about her?’ said Charity. ‘I am sure + she doesn’t trouble herself much about you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t she though?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious me, need I tell you that she don’t?’ returned the young + lady. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an odd + expression in his face; and said <i>that </i>wouldn’t break his heart, she might + depend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even greater favour than + before, and besought her, as his polite manner was, to ‘come a little + closer.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0085m.jpg" alt="0085m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0085.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘There’s another thing that’s not easily overdone, father,’ remarked + Jonas, after a short silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s that?’ asked the father; grinning already in anticipation. + </p> + <p> + ‘A bargain,’ said the son. ‘Here’s the rule for bargains—“Do other + men, for they would do you.” That’s the true business precept. All others + are counterfeits.’ + </p> + <p> + The delighted father applauded this sentiment to the echo; and was so much + tickled by it, that he was at the pains of imparting the same to his + ancient clerk, who rubbed his hands, nodded his palsied head, winked his + watery eyes, and cried in his whistling tones, ‘Good! good! Your own son, + Mr Chuzzlewit’ with every feeble demonstration of delight that he was + capable of making. But this old man’s enthusiasm had the redeeming quality + of being felt in sympathy with the only creature to whom he was linked by + ties of long association, and by his present helplessness. And if there + had been anybody there, who cared to think about it, some dregs of a + better nature unawakened, might perhaps have been descried through that + very medium, melancholy though it was, yet lingering at the bottom of the + worn-out cask called Chuffey. + </p> + <p> + As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; so + Chuffey fell back into a dark corner on one side of the fireplace, where + he always spent his evenings, and was neither seen nor heard again that + night; save once, when a cup of tea was given him, in which he was seen to + soak his bread mechanically. There was no reason to suppose that he went + to sleep at these seasons, or that he heard, or saw, or felt, or thought. + He remained, as it were, frozen up—if any term expressive of such a + vigorous process can be applied to him—until he was again thawed for + the moment by a word or touch from Anthony. + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity made tea by desire of Mr Jonas, and felt and looked so like + the lady of the house that she was in the prettiest confusion imaginable; + the more so from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and whispering a + variety of admiring expressions in her ear. Miss Mercy, for her part, felt + the entertainment of the evening to be so distinctly and exclusively + theirs, that she silently deplored the commercial gentlemen—at that + moment, no doubt, wearying for her return—and yawned over + yesterday’s newspaper. As to Anthony, he went to sleep outright, so Jonas + and Cherry had a clear stage to themselves as long as they chose to keep + possession of it. + </p> + <p> + When the tea-tray was taken away, as it was at last, Mr Jonas produced a + dirty pack of cards, and entertained the sisters with divers small feats + of dexterity: whereof the main purpose of every one was, that you were to + decoy somebody into laying a wager with you that you couldn’t do it; and + were then immediately to win and pocket his money. Mr Jonas informed them + that these accomplishments were in high vogue in the most intellectual + circles, and that large amounts were constantly changing hands on such + hazards. And it may be remarked that he fully believed this; for there is + a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of innocence; and in all + matters where a lively faith in knavery and meanness was required as the + ground-work of belief, Mr Jonas was one of the most credulous of men. His + ignorance, which was stupendous, may be taken into account, if the reader + pleases, separately. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20219m.jpg" alt="20219m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20219.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + This fine young man had all the inclination to be a profligate of the + first water, and only lacked the one good trait in the common catalogue of + debauched vices—open-handedness—to be a notable vagabond. But + there his griping and penurious habits stepped in; and as one poison will + sometimes neutralise another, when wholesome remedies would not avail, so + he was restrained by a bad passion from quaffing his full measure of evil, + when virtue might have sought to hold him back in vain. + </p> + <p> + By the time he had unfolded all the peddling schemes he knew upon the + cards, it was growing late in the evening; and Mr Pecksniff not making his + appearance, the young ladies expressed a wish to return home. But this, Mr + Jonas, in his gallantry, would by no means allow, until they had partaken + of some bread and cheese and porter; and even then he was excessively + unwilling to allow them to depart; often beseeching Miss Charity to come a + little closer, or to stop a little longer, and preferring many other + complimentary petitions of that nature in his own hospitable and earnest + way. When all his efforts to detain them were fruitless, he put on his hat + and greatcoat preparatory to escorting them to Todgers’s; remarking that + he knew they would rather walk thither than ride; and that for his part he + was quite of their opinion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night,’ said Anthony. ‘Good night; remember me to—ha, ha, ha!—to + Pecksniff. Take care of your cousin, my dears; beware of Jonas; he’s a + dangerous fellow. Don’t quarrel for him, in any case!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, the creature!’ cried Mercy. ‘The idea of quarrelling for <i>him</i>! You may + take him, Cherry, my love, all to yourself. I make you a present of my + share.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What! I’m a sour grape, am I, cousin?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would have + supposed likely, considering its advanced age and simple character. But in + her sisterly affection she took Mr Jonas to task for leaning so very hard + upon a broken reed, and said that he must not be so cruel to poor Merry + any more, or she (Charity) would positively be obliged to hate him. Mercy, + who really had her share of good humour, only retorted with a laugh; and + they walked home in consequence without any angry passages of words upon + the way. Mr Jonas being in the middle, and having a cousin on each arm, + sometimes squeezed the wrong one; so tightly too, as to cause her not a + little inconvenience; but as he talked to Charity in whispers the whole + time, and paid her great attention, no doubt this was an accidental + circumstance. When they arrived at Todgers’s, and the door was opened, + Mercy broke hastily from them, and ran upstairs; but Charity and Jonas + lingered on the steps talking together for more than five minutes; so, as + Mrs Todgers observed next morning, to a third party, ‘It was pretty clear + what was going on <i>there</i>, and she was glad of it, for it really was high + time that Miss Pecksniff thought of settling.’ + </p> + <p> + And now the day was coming on, when that bright vision which had burst on + Todgers’s so suddenly, and made a sunshine in the shady breast of Jinkins, + was to be seen no more; when it was to be packed, like a brown paper + parcel, or a fish-basket, or an oyster barrel or a fat gentleman, or any + other dull reality of life, in a stagecoach and carried down into the + country. + </p> + <p> + ‘Never, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,’ said Mrs Todgers, when they retired to + rest on the last night of their stay, ‘never have I seen an establishment + so perfectly broken-hearted as mine is at this present moment of time. I + don’t believe the gentlemen will be the gentlemen they were, or anything + like it—no, not for weeks to come. You have a great deal to answer + for, both of you.’ + </p> + <p> + They modestly disclaimed any wilful agency in this disastrous state of + things, and regretted it very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your pious pa, too,’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘There’s a loss! My dear Miss + Pecksniffs, your pa is a perfect missionary of peace and love.’ + </p> + <p> + Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love supposed to + be comprised in Mr Pecksniff’s mission, the young ladies received the + compliment rather coldly. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I dared,’ said Mrs Todgers, perceiving this, ‘to violate a confidence + which has been reposed in me, and to tell you why I must beg of you to + leave the little door between your room and mine open tonight, I think you + would be interested. But I mustn’t do it, for I promised Mr Jinkins + faithfully, that I would be as silent as the tomb.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Mrs Todgers! What can you mean?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then, my sweet Miss Pecksniffs,’ said the lady of the house; ‘my own + loves, if you will allow me the privilege of taking that freedom on the + eve of our separation, Mr Jinkins and the gentlemen have made up a little + musical party among themselves, and <i>do</i> intend, in the dead of this night, + to perform a serenade upon the stairs outside the door. I could have + wished, I own,’ said Mrs Todgers, with her usual foresight, ‘that it had + been fixed to take place an hour or two earlier; because when gentlemen + sit up late they drink, and when they drink they’re not so musical, + perhaps, as when they don’t. But this is the arrangement; and I know you + will be gratified, my dear Miss Pecksniffs, by such a mark of their + attention.’ + </p> + <p> + The young ladies were at first so much excited by the news, that they + vowed they couldn’t think of going to bed until the serenade was over. But + half an hour of cool waiting so altered their opinion that they not only + went to bed, but fell asleep; and were, moreover, not ecstatically charmed + to be awakened some time afterwards by certain dulcet strains breaking in + upon the silent watches of the night. + </p> + <p> + It was very affecting—very. Nothing more dismal could have been + desired by the most fastidious taste. The gentleman of a vocal turn was + head mute, or chief mourner; Jinkins took the bass; and the rest took + anything they could get. The youngest gentleman blew his melancholy into a + flute. He didn’t blow much out of it, but that was all the better. If the + two Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers had perished by spontaneous + combustion, and the serenade had been in honour of their ashes, it would + have been impossible to surpass the unutterable despair expressed in that + one chorus, ‘Go where glory waits thee!’ It was a requiem, a dirge, a + moan, a howl, a wail, a lament, an abstract of everything that is + sorrowful and hideous in sound. The flute of the youngest gentleman was + wild and fitful. It came and went in gusts, like the wind. For a long time + together he seemed to have left off, and when it was quite settled by Mrs + Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his feelings, he had + retired in tears, he unexpectedly turned up again at the very top of the + tune, gasping for breath. He was a tremendous performer. There was no + knowing where to have him; and exactly when you thought he was doing + nothing at all, then was he doing the very thing that ought to astonish + you most. + </p> + <p> + There were several of these concerted pieces; perhaps two or three too + many, though that, as Mrs Todgers said, was a fault on the right side. But + even then, even at that solemn moment, when the thrilling sounds may be + presumed to have penetrated into the very depths of his nature, if he had + any depths, Jinkins couldn’t leave the youngest gentleman alone. He asked + him distinctly, before the second song began—as a personal favour + too, mark the villain in that—not to play. Yes; he said so; not to + play. The breathing of the youngest gentleman was heard through the + key-hole of the door. He <i>didn’t</i> play. What vent was a flute for the + passions swelling up within his breast? A trombone would have been a world + too mild. + </p> + <p> + The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at hand. The + gentleman of a literary turn had written a song on the departure of the + ladies, and adapted it to an old tune. They all joined, except the + youngest gentleman in company, who, for the reasons aforesaid, maintained + a fearful silence. The song (which was of a classical nature) invoked the + oracle of Apollo, and demanded to know what would become of Todgers’s when + <i>CHARITY </i>and <i>MERCY </i>were banished from its walls. The oracle delivered no + opinion particularly worth remembering, according to the not infrequent + practice of oracles from the earliest ages down to the present time. In + the absence of enlightenment on that subject, the strain deserted it, and + went on to show that the Miss Pecksniffs were nearly related to Rule + Britannia, and that if Great Britain hadn’t been an island, there could + have been no Miss Pecksniffs. And being now on a nautical tack, it closed + with this verse: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ‘All hail to the vessel of Pecksniff the sire! + And favouring breezes to fan; + While Tritons flock round it, and proudly admire + The architect, artist, and man!’ +</pre> + <p> + As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the gentlemen + gradually withdrew to bed to give the music the effect of distance; and so + it died away, and Todgers’s was left to its repose. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey reserved his vocal offering until the morning, when he put his + head into the room as the young ladies were kneeling before their trunks, + packing up, and treated them to an imitation of the voice of a young dog + in trying circumstances; when that animal is supposed by persons of a + lively fancy, to relieve his feelings by calling for pen and ink. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, young ladies,’ said the youth, ‘so you’re a-going home, are you, + worse luck?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Bailey, we’re going home,’ returned Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘An’t you a-going to leave none of ‘em a lock of your hair?’ inquired the + youth. ‘It’s real, an’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + They laughed at this, and told him of course it was. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, is it of course, though?’ said Bailey. ‘I know better than that. Hers + an’t. Why, I see it hanging up once, on that nail by the winder. Besides, + I have gone behind her at dinner-time and pulled it; and she never know’d. + I say, young ladies, I’m a-going to leave. I an’t a-going to stand being + called names by her, no longer.’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Mercy inquired what his plans for the future might be; in reply to + whom Mr Bailey intimated that he thought of going either into top-boots, + or into the army. + </p> + <p> + ‘Into the army!’ cried the young ladies, with a laugh. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Bailey, ‘why not? There’s a many drummers in the Tower. I’m + acquainted with ‘em. Don’t their country set a valley on ‘em, mind you! + Not at all!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll be shot, I see,’ observed Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ cried Mr Bailey, ‘wot if I am? There’s something gamey in it, + young ladies, an’t there? I’d sooner be hit with a cannon-ball than a + rolling-pin, and she’s always a-catching up something of that sort, and + throwing it at me, when the gentlemans’ appetites is good. Wot,’ said Mr + Bailey, stung by the recollection of his wrongs, ‘wot, if they <i>do</i> consume + the per-vishuns. It an’t <i>my</i> fault, is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Surely no one says it is,’ said Mercy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t they though?’ retorted the youth. ‘No. Yes. Ah! oh! No one mayn’t + say it is! but some one knows it is. But I an’t a-going to have every rise + in prices wisited on me. I an’t a-going to be killed because the markets + is dear. I won’t stop. And therefore,’ added Mr Bailey, relenting into a + smile, ‘wotever you mean to give me, you’d better give me all at once, + becos if ever you come back agin, I shan’t be here; and as to the other + boy, <i>he</i> won’t deserve nothing, I know.’ + </p> + <p> + The young ladies, on behalf of Mr Pecksniff and themselves, acted on this + thoughtful advice; and in consideration of their private friendship, + presented Mr Bailey with a gratuity so liberal that he could hardly do + enough to show his gratitude; which found but an imperfect vent, during + the remainder of the day, in divers secret slaps upon his pocket, and + other such facetious pantomime. Nor was it confined to these ebullitions; + for besides crushing a bandbox, with a bonnet in it, he seriously damaged + Mr Pecksniff’s luggage, by ardently hauling it down from the top of the + house; and in short evinced, by every means in his power, a lively sense + of the favours he had received from that gentleman and his family. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jinkins came home to dinner arm-in-arm; for the latter + gentleman had made half-holiday on purpose; thus gaining an immense + advantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest, whose time, as it + perversely chanced, was all bespoke, until the evening. The bottle of wine + was Mr Pecksniff’s treat, and they were very sociable indeed; though full + of lamentations on the necessity of parting. While they were in the midst + of their enjoyment, old Anthony and his son were announced; much to the + surprise of Mr Pecksniff, and greatly to the discomfiture of Jinkins. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come to say good-bye, you see,’ said Anthony, in a low voice, to Mr + Pecksniff, as they took their seats apart at the table, while the rest + conversed among themselves. ‘Where’s the use of a division between you and + me? We are the two halves of a pair of scissors, when apart, Pecksniff; + but together we are something. Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Unanimity, my good sir,’ rejoined Mr Pecksniff, ‘is always delightful.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know about that,’ said the old man, ‘for there are some people I + would rather differ from than agree with. But you know my opinion of you.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff, still having ‘hypocrite’ in his mind, only replied by a + motion of his head, which was something between an affirmative bow, and a + negative shake. + </p> + <p> + ‘Complimentary,’ said Anthony. ‘Complimentary, upon my word. It was an + involuntary tribute to your abilities, even at the time; and it was not a + time to suggest compliments either. But we agreed in the coach, you know, + that we quite understood each other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, quite!’ assented Mr Pecksniff, in a manner which implied that he + himself was misunderstood most cruelly, but would not complain. + </p> + <p> + Anthony glanced at his son as he sat beside Miss Charity, and then at Mr + Pecksniff, and then at his son again, very many times. It happened that Mr + Pecksniff’s glances took a similar direction; but when he became aware of + it, he first cast down his eyes, and then closed them; as if he were + determined that the old man should read nothing there. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas is a shrewd lad,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘He appears,’ rejoined Mr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, ‘to be very + shrewd.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And careful,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘And careful, I have no doubt,’ returned Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look ye!’ said Anthony in his ear. ‘I think he is sweet upon you + daughter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, my good sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with his eyes still closed; ‘young + people—young people—a kind of cousins, too—no more + sweetness than is in that, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our + experience,’ returned Anthony. ‘Isn’t there a trifle more here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Impossible to say,’ rejoined Mr Pecksniff. ‘Quite impossible! You + surprise me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I know that,’ said the old man, drily. ‘It may last; I mean the + sweetness, not the surprise; and it may die off. Supposing it should last, + perhaps (you having feathered your nest pretty well, and I having done the + same), we might have a mutual interest in the matter.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff, smiling gently, was about to speak, but Anthony stopped him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I know what you are going to say. It’s quite unnecessary. You have never + thought of this for a moment; and in a point so nearly affecting the + happiness of your dear child, you couldn’t, as a tender father, express an + opinion; and so forth. Yes, quite right. And like you! But it seems to me, + my dear Pecksniff,’ added Anthony, laying his hand upon his sleeve, ‘that + if you and I kept up the joke of pretending not to see this, one of us + might possibly be placed in a position of disadvantage; and as I am very + unwilling to be that party myself, you will excuse my taking the liberty + of putting the matter beyond a doubt thus early; and having it distinctly + understood, as it is now, that we do see it, and do know it. Thank you for + your attention. We are now upon an equal footing; which is agreeable to us + both, I am sure.’ + </p> + <p> + He rose as he spoke; and giving Mr Pecksniff a nod of intelligence, moved + away from him to where the young people were sitting; leaving that good + man somewhat puzzled and discomfited by such very plain dealing, and not + quite free from a sense of having been foiled in the exercise of his + familiar weapons. + </p> + <p> + But the night-coach had a punctual character, and it was time to join it + at the office; which was so near at hand that they had already sent their + luggage and arranged to walk. Thither the whole party repaired, therefore, + after no more delay than sufficed for the equipment of the Miss Pecksniffs + and Mrs Todgers. They found the coach already at its starting-place, and + the horses in; there, too, were a large majority of the commercial + gentlemen, including the youngest, who was visibly agitated, and in a + state of deep mental dejection. + </p> + <p> + Nothing could equal the distress of Mrs Todgers in parting from the young + ladies, except the strong emotions with which she bade adieu to Mr + Pecksniff. Never surely was a pocket-handkerchief taken in and out of a + flat reticule so often as Mrs Todgers’s was, as she stood upon the + pavement by the coach-door supported on either side by a commercial + gentleman; and by the sight of the coach-lamps caught such brief snatches + and glimpses of the good man’s face, as the constant interposition of Mr + Jinkins allowed. For Jinkins, to the last the youngest gentleman’s rock + a-head in life, stood upon the coachstep talking to the ladies. Upon the + other step was Mr Jonas, who maintained that position in right of his + cousinship; whereas the youngest gentleman, who had been first upon the + ground, was deep in the booking-office among the black and red placards, + and the portraits of fast coaches, where he was ignominiously harassed by + porters, and had to contend and strive perpetually with heavy baggage. + This false position, combined with his nervous excitement, brought about + the very consummation and catastrophe of his miseries; for when in the + moment of parting he aimed a flower, a hothouse flower that had cost + money, at the fair hand of Mercy, it reached, instead, the coachman on the + box, who thanked him kindly, and stuck it in his buttonhole. + </p> + <p> + They were off now; and Todgers’s was alone again. The two young ladies, + leaning back in their separate corners, resigned themselves to their own + regretful thoughts. But Mr Pecksniff, dismissing all ephemeral + considerations of social pleasure and enjoyment, concentrated his + meditations on the one great virtuous purpose before him, of casting out + that ingrate and deceiver, whose presence yet troubled his domestic + hearth, and was a sacrilege upon the altars of his household gods. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWELVE + </h2> + <p> + WILL BE SEEN IN THE LONG RUN, IF NOT IN THE SHORT ONE, TO CONCERN MR PINCH + AND OTHERS, NEARLY. MR PECKSNIFF ASSERTS THE DIGNITY OF OUTRAGED VIRTUE. + YOUNG MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT FORMS A DESPERATE RESOLUTION + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch and Martin, little dreaming of the stormy weather that impended, + made themselves very comfortable in the Pecksniffian halls, and improved + their friendship daily. Martin’s facility, both of invention and + execution, being remarkable, the grammar-school proceeded with great + vigour; and Tom repeatedly declared, that if there were anything like + certainty in human affairs, or impartiality in human judges, a design so + new and full of merit could not fail to carry off the first prize when the + time of competition arrived. Without being quite so sanguine himself, + Martin had his hopeful anticipations too; and they served to make him + brisk and eager at his task. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I should turn out a great architect, Tom,’ said the new pupil one day, + as he stood at a little distance from his drawing, and eyed it with much + complacency, ‘I’ll tell you what should be one of the things I’d build.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ cried Tom. ‘What?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, your fortune.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were done. + ‘Would you though? How kind of you to say so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’d build it up, Tom,’ returned Martin, ‘on such a strong foundation, + that it should last your life—aye, and your children’s lives too, + and their children’s after them. I’d be your patron, Tom. I’d take you + under my protection. Let me see the man who should give the cold shoulder + to anybody I chose to protect and patronise, if I were at the top of the + tree, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, I don’t think,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘upon my word, that I was ever more + gratified than by this. I really don’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I mean what I say,’ retorted Martin, with a manner as free and easy + in its condescension to, not to say in its compassion for, the other, as + if he were already First Architect in ordinary to all the Crowned Heads in + Europe. ‘I’d do it. I’d provide for you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid,’ said Tom, shaking his head, ‘that I should be a mighty + awkward person to provide for.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pooh, pooh!’ rejoined Martin. ‘Never mind that. If I took it in my head + to say, “Pinch is a clever fellow; I approve of Pinch;” I should like to + know the man who would venture to put himself in opposition to me. + Besides, confound it, Tom, you could be useful to me in a hundred ways.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I were not useful in one or two, it shouldn’t be for want of trying,’ + said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘For instance,’ pursued Martin, after a short reflection, ‘you’d be a + capital fellow, now, to see that my ideas were properly carried out; and + to overlook the works in their progress before they were sufficiently + advanced to be very interesting to <i>me</i>; and to take all that sort of plain + sailing. Then you’d be a splendid fellow to show people over my studio, + and to talk about Art to ‘em, when I couldn’t be bored myself, and all + that kind of thing. For it would be devilish creditable, Tom (I’m quite in + earnest, I give you my word), to have a man of your information about one, + instead of some ordinary blockhead. Oh, I’d take care of you. You’d be + useful, rely upon it!’ + </p> + <p> + To say that Tom had no idea of playing first fiddle in any social + orchestra, but was always quite satisfied to be set down for the hundred + and fiftieth violin in the band, or thereabouts, is to express his modesty + in very inadequate terms. He was much delighted, therefore, by these + observations. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should be married to her then, Tom, of course,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + What was that which checked Tom Pinch so suddenly, in the high flow of his + gladness; bringing the blood into his honest cheeks, and a remorseful + feeling to his honest heart, as if he were unworthy of his friend’s + regard? + </p> + <p> + ‘I should be married to her then,’ said Martin, looking with a smile + towards the light; ‘and we should have, I hope, children about us. They’d + be very fond of you, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + But not a word said Mr Pinch. The words he would have uttered died upon + his lips, and found a life more spiritual in self-denying thoughts. + </p> + <p> + ‘All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would be, of + course,’ pursued Martin. ‘Perhaps I might name one of ‘em after you. Tom, + eh? Well, I don’t know. Tom’s not a bad name. Thomas Pinch Chuzzlewit. T. + P. C. on his pinafores—no objection to that, I should say?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom cleared his throat, and smiled. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>She </i>would like you, Tom, I know,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ cried Tom Pinch, faintly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can tell exactly what she would think of you,’ said Martin leaning his + chin upon his hand, and looking through the window-glass as if he read + there what he said; ‘I know her so well. She would smile, Tom, often at + first when you spoke to her, or when she looked at you—merrily too—but + you wouldn’t mind that. A brighter smile you never saw.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Tom. ‘I wouldn’t mind that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She would be as tender with you, Tom,’ said Martin, ‘as if you were a + child yourself. So you are almost, in some things, an’t you, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch nodded his entire assent. + </p> + <p> + ‘She would always be kind and good-humoured, and glad to see you,’ said + Martin; ‘and when she found out exactly what sort of fellow you were + (which she’d do very soon), she would pretend to give you little + commissions to execute, and to ask little services of you, which she knew + you were burning to render; so that when she really pleased you most, she + would try to make you think you most pleased her. She would take to you + uncommonly, Tom; and would understand you far more delicately than I ever + shall; and would often say, I know, that you were a harmless, gentle, + well-intentioned, good fellow.’ + </p> + <p> + How silent Tom Pinch was! + </p> + <p> + ‘In honour of old time,’ said Martin, ‘and of her having heard you play + the organ in this damp little church down here—for nothing too—we + will have one in the house. I shall build an architectural music-room on a + plan of my own, and it’ll look rather knowing in a recess at one end. + There you shall play away, Tom, till you tire yourself; and, as you like + to do so in the dark, it shall <i>be</i> dark; and many’s the summer evening she + and I will sit and listen to you, Tom; be sure of that!’ + </p> + <p> + It may have required a stronger effort on Tom Pinch’s part to leave the + seat on which he sat, and shake his friend by both hands, with nothing but + serenity and grateful feeling painted on his face; it may have required a + stronger effort to perform this simple act with a pure heart, than to + achieve many and many a deed to which the doubtful trumpet blown by Fame + has lustily resounded. Doubtful, because from its long hovering over + scenes of violence, the smoke and steam of death have clogged the keys of + that brave instrument; and it is not always that its notes are either true + or tuneful. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a proof of the kindness of human nature,’ said Tom, + characteristically putting himself quite out of sight in the matter, ‘that + everybody who comes here, as you have done, is more considerate and + affectionate to me than I should have any right to hope, if I were the + most sanguine creature in the world; or should have any power to express, + if I were the most eloquent. It really overpowers me. But trust me,’ said + Tom, ‘that I am not ungrateful—that I never forget—and that if + I can ever prove the truth of my words to you, I will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all right,’ observed Martin, leaning back in his chair with a hand + in each pocket, and yawning drearily. ‘Very fine talking, Tom; but I’m at + Pecksniff’s, I remember, and perhaps a mile or so out of the high-road to + fortune just at this minute. So you’ve heard again this morning from + what’s his name, eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who may that be?’ asked Tom, seeming to enter a mild protest on behalf of + the dignity of an absent person. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>You </i>know. What is it? Northkey.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Westlock,’ rejoined Tom, in rather a louder tone than usual. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! to be sure,’ said Martin, ‘Westlock. I knew it was something + connected with a point of the compass and a door. Well! and what says + Westlock?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! he has come into his property,’ answered Tom, nodding his head, and + smiling. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s a lucky dog,’ said Martin. ‘I wish it were mine instead. Is that all + the mystery you were to tell me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tom; ‘not all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the rest?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘For the matter of that,’ said Tom, ‘it’s no mystery, and you won’t think + much of it; but it’s very pleasant to me. John always used to say when he + was here, “Mark my words, Pinch. When my father’s executors cash up”—he + used strange expressions now and then, but that was his way.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cash-up’s a very good expression,’ observed Martin, ‘when other people + don’t apply it to you. Well!—What a slow fellow you are, Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I am I know,’ said Tom; ‘but you’ll make me nervous if you tell me + so. I’m afraid you have put me out a little now, for I forget what I was + going to say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When John’s father’s executors cashed up,’ said Martin impatiently. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes, to be sure,’ cried Tom; ‘yes. “Then,” says John, “I’ll give you a + dinner, Pinch, and come down to Salisbury on purpose.” Now, when John + wrote the other day—the morning Pecksniff left, you know—he + said his business was on the point of being immediately settled, and as he + was to receive his money directly, when could I meet him at Salisbury? I + wrote and said, any day this week; and I told him besides, that there was + a new pupil here, and what a fine fellow you were, and what friends we had + become. Upon which John writes back this letter’—Tom produced it—‘fixes + to-morrow; sends his compliments to you; and begs that we three may have + the pleasure of dining together; not at the house where you and I were, + either; but at the very first hotel in the town. Read what he says.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well,’ said Martin, glancing over it with his customary coolness; + ‘much obliged to him. I’m agreeable.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little more + pleased, or in some form or other a little more interested in such a great + event. But he was perfectly self-possessed; and falling into his favourite + solace of whistling, took another turn at the grammar-school, as if + nothing at all had happened. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff’s horse being regarded in the light of a sacred animal, only + to be driven by him, the chief priest of that temple, or by some person + distinctly nominated for the time being to that high office by himself, + the two young men agreed to walk to Salisbury; and so, when the time came, + they set off on foot; which was, after all, a better mode of travelling + than in the gig, as the weather was very cold and very dry. + </p> + <p> + Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walk—four statute miles an + hour—preferable to that rumbling, tumbling, jolting, shaking, + scraping, creaking, villanous old gig? Why, the two things will not admit + of comparison. It is an insult to the walk, to set them side by side. + Where is an instance of a gig having ever circulated a man’s blood, unless + when, putting him in danger of his neck, it awakened in his veins and in + his ears, and all along his spine, a tingling heat, much more peculiar + than agreeable? When did a gig ever sharpen anybody’s wits and energies, + unless it was when the horse bolted, and, crashing madly down a steep hill + with a stone wall at the bottom, his desperate circumstances suggested to + the only gentleman left inside, some novel and unheard-of mode of dropping + out behind? Better than the gig! + </p> + <p> + The air was cold, Tom; so it was, there was no denying it; but would it + have been more genial in the gig? The blacksmith’s fire burned very + bright, and leaped up high, as though it wanted men to warm; but would it + have been less tempting, looked at from the clammy cushions of a gig? The + wind blew keenly, nipping the features of the hardy wight who fought his + way along; blinding him with his own hair if he had enough to it, and + wintry dust if he hadn’t; stopping his breath as though he had been soused + in a cold bath; tearing aside his wrappings-up, and whistling in the very + marrow of his bones; but it would have done all this a hundred times more + fiercely to a man in a gig, wouldn’t it? A fig for gigs! + </p> + <p> + Better than the gig! When were travellers by wheels and hoofs seen with + such red-hot cheeks as those? when were they so good-humouredly and + merrily bloused? when did their laughter ring upon the air, as they turned + them round, what time the stronger gusts came sweeping up; and, facing + round again as they passed by, dashed on, in such a glow of ruddy health + as nothing could keep pace with, but the high spirits it engendered? + Better than the gig! Why, here is a man in a gig coming the same way now. + Look at him as he passes his whip into his left hand, chafes his numbed + right fingers on his granite leg, and beats those marble toes of his upon + the foot-board. Ha, ha, ha! Who would exchange this rapid hurry of the + blood for yonder stagnant misery, though its pace were twenty miles for + one? + </p> + <p> + Better than the gig! No man in a gig could have such interest in the + milestones. No man in a gig could see, or feel, or think, like merry users + of their legs. How, as the wind sweeps on, upon these breezy downs, it + tracks its flight in darkening ripples on the grass, and smoothest shadows + on the hills! Look round and round upon this bare bleak plain, and see + even here, upon a winter’s day, how beautiful the shadows are! Alas! it is + the nature of their kind to be so. The loveliest things in life, Tom, are + but shadows; and they come and go, and change and fade away, as rapidly as + these! + </p> + <p> + Another mile, and then begins a fall of snow, making the crow, who skims + away so close above the ground to shirk the wind, a blot of ink upon the + landscape. But though it drives and drifts against them as they walk, + stiffening on their skirts, and freezing in the lashes of their eyes, they + wouldn’t have it fall more sparingly, no, not so much as by a single + flake, although they had to go a score of miles. And, lo! the towers of + the Old Cathedral rise before them, even now! and by-and-bye they come + into the sheltered streets, made strangely silent by their white carpet; + and so to the Inn for which they are bound; where they present such + flushed and burning faces to the cold waiter, and are so brimful of + vigour, that he almost feels assaulted by their presence; and, having + nothing to oppose to the attack (being fresh, or rather stale, from the + blazing fire in the coffee-room), is quite put out of his pale + countenance. + </p> + <p> + A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling joints of + mutton; and in one corner an illustrious larder, with glass doors, + developing cold fowls and noble joints, and tarts wherein the raspberry + jam coyly withdrew itself, as such a precious creature should, behind a + lattice work of pastry. And behold, on the first floor, at the court-end + of the house, in a room with all the window-curtains drawn, a fire piled + half-way up the chimney, plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming + everywhere, and a table spread for three, with silver and glass enough for + thirty—John Westlock; not the old John of Pecksniff’s, but a proper + gentleman; looking another and a grander person, with the consciousness of + being his own master and having money in the bank; and yet in some + respects the old John too, for he seized Tom Pinch by both his hands the + instant he appeared, and fairly hugged him, in his cordial welcome. + </p> + <p> + ‘And this,’ said John, ‘is Mr Chuzzlewit. I am very glad to see him!’—John + had an off-hand manner of his own; so they shook hands warmly, and were + friends in no time. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stand off a moment, Tom,’ cried the old pupil, laying one hand on each of + Mr Pinch’s shoulders, and holding him out at arm’s length. ‘Let me look at + you! Just the same! Not a bit changed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it’s not so very long ago, you know,’ said Tom Pinch, ‘after all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It seems an age to me,’ cried John, ‘and so it ought to seem to you, you + dog.’ And then he pushed Tom down into the easiest chair, and clapped him + on the back so heartily, and so like his old self in their old bedroom at + old Pecksniff’s that it was a toss-up with Tom Pinch whether he should + laugh or cry. Laughter won it; and they all three laughed together. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have ordered everything for dinner, that we used to say we’d have, + Tom,’ observed John Westlock. + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ said Tom Pinch. ‘Have you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Everything. Don’t laugh, if you can help it, before the waiters. I + couldn’t when I was ordering it. It’s like a dream.’ + </p> + <p> + John was wrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup as was put + upon the table directly afterwards; or such fish; or such side-dishes; or + such a top and bottom; or such a course of birds and sweets; or in short + anything approaching the reality of that entertainment at ten-and-sixpence + a head, exclusive of wines. As to <i>them</i>, the man who can dream such iced + champagne, such claret, port, or sherry, had better go to bed and stop + there. + </p> + <p> + But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobody was half so + much amazed by everything as John himself, who in his high delight was + constantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then endeavouring to appear + preternaturally solemn, lest the waiters should conceive he wasn’t used to + it. Some of the things they brought him to carve, were such outrageous + practical jokes, though, that it was impossible to stand it; and when Tom + Pinch insisted, in spite of the deferential advice of an attendant, not + only on breaking down the outer wall of a raised pie with a tablespoon, + but on trying to eat it afterwards, John lost all dignity, and sat behind + the gorgeous dish-cover at the head of the table, roaring to that extent + that he was audible in the kitchen. Nor had he the least objection to + laugh at himself, as he demonstrated when they had all three gathered + round the fire and the dessert was on the table; at which period the head + waiter inquired with respectful solicitude whether that port, being a + light and tawny wine, was suited to his taste, or whether he would wish to + try a fruity port with greater body. To this John gravely answered that he + was well satisfied with what he had, which he esteemed, as one might say, + a pretty tidy vintage; for which the waiter thanked him and withdrew. And + then John told his friends, with a broad grin, that he supposed it was all + right, but he didn’t know; and went off into a perfect shout. + </p> + <p> + They were very merry and full of enjoyment the whole time, but not the + least pleasant part of the festival was when they all three sat about the + fire, cracking nuts, drinking wine and talking cheerfully. It happened + that Tom Pinch had a word to say to his friend the organist’s assistant, + and so deserted his warm corner for a few minutes at this season, lest it + should grow too late; leaving the other two young men together. + </p> + <p> + They drank his health in his absence, of course; and John Westlock took + that opportunity of saying, that he had never had even a peevish word with + Tom during the whole term of their residence in Mr Pecksniff’s house. This + naturally led him to dwell upon Tom’s character, and to hint that Mr + Pecksniff understood it pretty well. He only hinted this, and very + distantly; knowing that it pained Tom Pinch to have that gentleman + disparaged, and thinking it would be as well to leave the new pupil to his + own discoveries. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Martin. ‘It’s impossible to like Pinch better than I do, or to + do greater justice to his good qualities. He is the most willing fellow I + ever saw.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s rather too willing,’ observed John, who was quick in observation. + ‘It’s quite a fault in him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it is,’ said Martin. ‘Very true. There was a fellow only a week or so + ago—a Mr Tigg—who borrowed all the money he had, on a promise + to repay it in a few days. It was but half a sovereign, to be sure; but + it’s well it was no more, for he’ll never see it again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor fellow!’ said John, who had been very attentive to these few words. + ‘Perhaps you have not had an opportunity of observing that, in his own + pecuniary transactions, Tom’s proud.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t say so! No, I haven’t. What do you mean? Won’t he borrow?’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s very odd,’ said Martin, setting down his empty glass. ‘He’s a + strange compound, to be sure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As to receiving money as a gift,’ resumed John Westlock; ‘I think he’d + die first.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s made up of simplicity,’ said Martin. ‘Help yourself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You, however,’ pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at his + companion with some curiosity, ‘who are older than the majority of Mr + Pecksniff’s assistants, and have evidently had much more experience, + understand him, I have no doubt, and see how liable he is to be imposed + upon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly,’ said Martin, stretching out his legs, and holding his wine + between his eye and the light. ‘Mr Pecksniff knows that too. So do his + daughters. Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock smiled, but made no answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘By the bye,’ said Martin, ‘that reminds me. What’s your opinion of + Pecksniff? How did he use you? What do you think of him now?—Coolly, + you know, when it’s all over?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ask Pinch,’ returned the old pupil. ‘He knows what my sentiments used to + be upon the subject. They are not changed, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Martin, ‘I’d rather have them from you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But Pinch says they are unjust,’ urged John with a smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! well! Then I know what course they take beforehand,’ said Martin; + ‘and, therefore, you can have no delicacy in speaking plainly. Don’t mind + me, I beg. I don’t like him I tell you frankly. I am with him because it + happens from particular circumstances to suit my convenience. I have some + ability, I believe, in that way; and the obligation, if any, will most + likely be on his side and not mine. At the lowest mark, the balance will + be even, and there’ll be no obligation at all. So you may talk to me, as + if I had no connection with him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you press me to give my opinion—’ returned John Westlock. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I do,’ said Martin. ‘You’ll oblige me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘—I should say,’ resumed the other, ‘that he is the most consummate + scoundrel on the face of the earth.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Martin, as coolly as ever. ‘That’s rather strong.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not stronger than he deserves,’ said John; ‘and if he called upon me to + express my opinion of him to his face, I would do so in the very same + terms, without the least qualification. His treatment of Pinch is in + itself enough to justify them; but when I look back upon the five years I + passed in that house, and remember the hyprocrisy, the knavery, the + meannesses, the false pretences, the lip service of that fellow, and his + trading in saintly semblances for the very worst realities; when I + remember how often I was the witness of all this and how often I was made + a kind of party to it, by the fact of being there, with him for my + teacher; I swear to you that I almost despise myself.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin drained his glass, and looked at the fire. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t mean to say that is a right feeling,’ pursued John Westlock + ‘because it was no fault of mine; and I can quite understand—you for + instance, fully appreciating him, and yet being forced by circumstances to + remain there. I tell you simply what my feeling is; and even now, when, as + you say, it’s all over; and when I have the satisfaction of knowing that + he always hated me, and we always quarrelled, and I always told him my + mind; even now, I feel sorry that I didn’t yield to an impulse I often + had, as a boy, of running away from him and going abroad.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why abroad?’ asked Martin, turning his eyes upon the speaker. + </p> + <p> + ‘In search,’ replied John Westlock, shrugging his shoulders, ‘of the + livelihood I couldn’t have earned at home. There would have been something + spirited in that. But, come! Fill your glass, and let us forget him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As soon as you please,’ said Martin. ‘In reference to myself and my + connection with him, I have only to repeat what I said before. I have + taken my own way with him so far, and shall continue to do so, even more + than ever; for the fact is, to tell you the truth, that I believe he looks + to me to supply his defects, and couldn’t afford to lose me. I had a + notion of that in first going there. Your health!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ returned young Westlock. ‘Yours. And may the new pupil turn + out as well as you can desire!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What new pupil?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The fortunate youth, born under an auspicious star,’ returned John + Westlock, laughing; ‘whose parents, or guardians, are destined to be + hooked by the advertisement. What! Don’t you know that he has advertised + again?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes. I read it just before dinner in the old newspaper. I know it to + be his; having some reason to remember the style. Hush! Here’s Pinch. + Strange, is it not, that the more he likes Pecksniff (if he can like him + better than he does), the greater reason one has to like <i>him? </i>Not a word + more, or we shall spoil his whole enjoyment.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom entered as the words were spoken, with a radiant smile upon his face; + and rubbing his hands, more from a sense of delight than because he was + cold (for he had been running fast), sat down in his warm corner again, + and was as happy as only Tom Pinch could be. There is no other simile that + will express his state of mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘And so,’ he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in silent + pleasure, ‘so you really are a gentleman at last, John. Well, to be sure!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Trying to be, Tom; trying to be,’ he rejoined good-humouredly. ‘There is + no saying what I may turn out, in time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose you wouldn’t carry your own box to the mail now?’ said Tom + Pinch, smiling; ‘although you lost it altogether by not taking it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wouldn’t I?’ retorted John. ‘That’s all you know about it, Pinch. It must + be a very heavy box that I wouldn’t carry to get away from Pecksniff’s, + Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ cried Pinch, turning to Martin, ‘I told you so. The great fault + in his character is his injustice to Pecksniff. You mustn’t mind a word he + says on that subject. His prejudice is most extraordinary.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom’s part, you know,’ said + John Westlock, laughing heartily, as he laid his hand on Mr Pinch’s + shoulder, ‘is perfectly wonderful. If one man ever had a profound + knowledge of another, and saw him in a true light, and in his own proper + colours, Tom has that knowledge of Mr Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, of course I have,’ cried Tom. ‘That’s exactly what I have so often + said to you. If you knew him as well as I do—John, I’d give almost + any money to bring that about—you’d admire, respect, and reverence + him. You couldn’t help it. Oh, how you wounded his feelings when you went + away!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I had known whereabout his feelings lay,’ retorted young Westlock, + ‘I’d have done my best, Tom, with that end in view, you may depend upon + it. But as I couldn’t wound him in what he has not, and in what he knows + nothing of, except in his ability to probe them to the quick in other + people, I am afraid I can lay no claim to your compliment.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might possibly + corrupt Martin, forbore to say anything in reply to this speech; but John + Westlock, whom nothing short of an iron gag would have silenced when Mr + Pecksniff’s merits were once in question, continued notwithstanding. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>His </i>feelings! Oh, he’s a tender-hearted man. <i>His </i>feelings! Oh, he’s a + considerate, conscientious, self-examining, moral vagabond, he is! <i>His</i> + feelings! Oh!—what’s the matter, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was by this time erect upon the hearth-rug, buttoning his coat + with great energy. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t bear it,’ said Tom, shaking his head. ‘No. I really cannot. You + must excuse me, John. I have a great esteem and friendship for you; I love + you very much; and have been perfectly charmed and overjoyed to-day, to + find you just the same as ever; but I cannot listen to this.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it’s my old way, Tom; and you say yourself that you are glad to find + me unchanged.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not in this respect,’ said Tom Pinch. ‘You must excuse me, John. I + cannot, really; I will not. It’s very wrong; you should be more guarded in + your expressions. It was bad enough when you and I used to be alone + together, but under existing circumstances, I can’t endure it, really. No. + I cannot, indeed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are quite right!’ exclaimed the other, exchanging looks with Martin. + ‘and I am quite wrong, Tom, I don’t know how the deuce we fell on this + unlucky theme. I beg your pardon with all my heart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have a free and manly temper, I know,’ said Pinch; ‘and therefore, + your being so ungenerous in this one solitary instance, only grieves me + the more. It’s not my pardon you have to ask, John. You have done <i>me</i> + nothing but kindnesses.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! Pecksniff’s pardon then,’ said young Westlock. ‘Anything Tom, or + anybody. Pecksniff’s pardon—will that do? Here! let us drink + Pecksniff’s health!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ cried Tom, shaking hands with him eagerly, and filling a + bumper. ‘Thank you; I’ll drink it with all my heart, John. Mr Pecksniff’s + health, and prosperity to him!’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock echoed the sentiment, or nearly so; for he drank Mr + Pecksniff’s health, and Something to him—but what, was not quite + audible. The general unanimity being then completely restored, they drew + their chairs closer round the fire, and conversed in perfect harmony and + enjoyment until bed-time. + </p> + <p> + No slight circumstance, perhaps, could have better illustrated the + difference of character between John Westlock and Martin Chuzzlewit, than + the manner in which each of the young men contemplated Tom Pinch, after + the little rupture just described. There was a certain amount of + jocularity in the looks of both, no doubt, but there all resemblance + ceased. The old pupil could not do enough to show Tom how cordially he + felt towards him, and his friendly regard seemed of a graver and more + thoughtful kind than before. The new one, on the other hand, had no + impulse but to laugh at the recollection of Tom’s extreme absurdity; and + mingled with his amusement there was something slighting and contemptuous, + indicative, as it appeared, of his opinion that Mr Pinch was much too far + gone in simplicity to be admitted as the friend, on serious and equal + terms, of any rational man. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock, who did nothing by halves, if he could help it, had + provided beds for his two guests in the hotel; and after a very happy + evening, they retired. Mr Pinch was sitting on the side of his bed with + his cravat and shoes off, ruminating on the manifold good qualities of his + old friend, when he was interrupted by a knock at his chamber door, and + the voice of John himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re not asleep yet, are you, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless you, no! not I. I was thinking of you,’ replied Tom, opening the + door. ‘Come in.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not going to detail you,’ said John; ‘but I have forgotten all the + evening a little commission I took upon myself; and I am afraid I may + forget it again, if I fail to discharge it at once. You know a Mr Tigg, + Tom, I believe?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tigg!’ cried Tom. ‘Tigg! The gentleman who borrowed some money of me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly,’ said John Westlock. ‘He begged me to present his compliments, + and to return it with many thanks. Here it is. I suppose it’s a good one, + but he is rather a doubtful kind of customer, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch received the little piece of gold with a face whose brightness + might have shamed the metal; and said he had no fear about that. He was + glad, he added, to find Mr Tigg so prompt and honourable in his dealings; + very glad. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,’ replied his friend, ‘he is not always + so. If you’ll take my advice, you’ll avoid him as much as you can, in the + event of your encountering him again. And by no means, Tom—pray bear + this in mind, for I am very serious—by no means lend him money any + more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye!’ said Tom, with his eyes wide open. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is very far from being a reputable acquaintance,’ returned young + Westlock; ‘and the more you let him know you think so, the better for you, + Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I say, John,’ quoth Mr Pinch, as his countenance fell, and he shook his + head in a dejected manner. ‘I hope you are not getting into bad company.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ he replied laughing. ‘Don’t be uneasy on that score.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, but I <i>am</i> uneasy,’ said Tom Pinch; ‘I can’t help it, when I hear you + talking in that way. If Mr Tigg is what you describe him to be, you have + no business to know him, John. You may laugh, but I don’t consider it by + any means a laughing matter, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ returned his friend, composing his features. ‘Quite right. It is + not, certainly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You know, John,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘your very good nature and kindness of + heart make you thoughtless, and you can’t be too careful on such a point + as this. Upon my word, if I thought you were falling among bad companions, + I should be quite wretched, for I know how difficult you would find it to + shake them off. I would much rather have lost this money, John, than I + would have had it back again on such terms.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you, my dear good old fellow,’ cried his friend, shaking him to + and fro with both hands, and smiling at him with a cheerful, open + countenance, that would have carried conviction to a mind much more + suspicious than Tom’s; ‘I tell you there is no danger.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ cried Tom, ‘I am glad to hear it; I am overjoyed to hear it. I am + sure there is not, when you say so in that manner. You won’t take it ill, + John, that I said what I did just now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ill!’ said the other, giving his hand a hearty squeeze; ‘why what do you + think I am made of? Mr Tigg and I are not on such an intimate footing that + you need be at all uneasy, I give you my solemn assurance of that, Tom. + You are quite comfortable now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then once more, good night!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night!’ cried Tom; ‘and such pleasant dreams to you as should attend + the sleep of the best fellow in the world!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘—Except Pecksniff,’ said his friend, stopping at the door for a + moment, and looking gayly back. + </p> + <p> + ‘Except Pecksniff,’ answered Tom, with great gravity; ‘of course.’ + </p> + <p> + And thus they parted for the night; John Westlock full of + light-heartedness and good humour, and poor Tom Pinch quite satisfied; + though still, as he turned over on his side in bed, he muttered to + himself, ‘I really do wish, for all that, though, that he wasn’t + acquainted with Mr Tigg.’ + </p> + <p> + They breakfasted together very early next morning, for the two young men + desired to get back again in good season; and John Westlock was to return + to London by the coach that day. As he had some hours to spare, he bore + them company for three or four miles on their walk, and only parted from + them at last in sheer necessity. The parting was an unusually hearty one, + not only as between him and Tom Pinch, but on the side of Martin also, who + had found in the old pupil a very different sort of person from the + milksop he had prepared himself to expect. + </p> + <p> + Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a little + distance, and looked back. They were walking at a brisk pace, and Tom + appeared to be talking earnestly. Martin had taken off his greatcoat, the + wind being now behind them, and carried it upon his arm. As he looked, he + saw Tom relieve him of it, after a faint resistance, and, throwing it upon + his own, encumber himself with the weight of both. This trivial incident + impressed the old pupil mightily, for he stood there, gazing after them, + until they were hidden from his view; when he shook his head, as if he + were troubled by some uneasy reflection, and thoughtfully retraced his + steps to Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime, Martin and Tom pursued their way, until they halted, safe + and sound, at Mr Pecksniff’s house, where a brief epistle from that good + gentleman to Mr Pinch announced the family’s return by that night’s coach. + As it would pass the corner of the lane at about six o’clock in the + morning, Mr Pecksniff requested that the gig might be in waiting at the + finger-post about that time, together with a cart for the luggage. And to + the end that he might be received with the greater honour, the young men + agreed to rise early, and be upon the spot themselves. + </p> + <p> + It was the least cheerful day they had yet passed together. Martin was out + of spirits and out of humour, and took every opportunity of comparing his + condition and prospects with those of young Westlock; much to his own + disadvantage always. This mood of his depressed Tom; and neither that + morning’s parting, nor yesterday’s dinner, helped to mend the matter. So + the hours dragged on heavily enough; and they were glad to go to bed + early. + </p> + <p> + They were not quite so glad to get up again at half-past four o’clock, in + all the shivering discomfort of a dark winter’s morning; but they turned + out punctually, and were at the finger-post full half-an-hour before the + appointed time. It was not by any means a lively morning, for the sky was + black and cloudy, and it rained hard; but Martin said there was some + satisfaction in seeing that brute of a horse (by this, he meant Mr + Pecksniff’s Arab steed) getting very wet; and that he rejoiced, on his + account, that it rained so fast. From this it may be inferred that + Martin’s spirits had not improved, as indeed they had not; for while he + and Mr Pinch stood waiting under a hedge, looking at the rain, the gig, + the cart, and its reeking driver, he did nothing but grumble; and, but + that it is indispensable to any dispute that there should be two parties + to it, he would certainly have picked a quarrel with Tom. + </p> + <p> + At length the noise of wheels was faintly audible in the distance and + presently the coach came splashing through the mud and mire with one + miserable outside passenger crouching down among wet straw, under a + saturated umbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in a fellowship + of dripping wretchedness. Immediately on its stopping, Mr Pecksniff let + down the window-glass and hailed Tom Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me, Mr Pinch! Is it possible that you are out upon this very + inclement morning?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ cried Tom, advancing eagerly, ‘Mr Chuzzlewit and I, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking not so much at Martin as at the spot on + which he stood. ‘Oh! Indeed. Do me the favour to see to the trunks, if you + please, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + Then Mr Pecksniff descended, and helped his daughters to alight; but + neither he nor the young ladies took the slightest notice of Martin, who + had advanced to offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr Pecksniff’s + standing immediately before his person, with his back towards him. In the + same manner, and in profound silence, Mr Pecksniff handed his daughters + into the gig; and following himself and taking the reins, drove off home. + </p> + <p> + Lost in astonishment, Martin stood staring at the coach, and when the + coach had driven away, at Mr Pinch, and the luggage, until the cart moved + off too; when he said to Tom: + </p> + <p> + ‘Now will you have the goodness to tell me what <i>this </i>portends?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What?’ asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘This fellow’s behaviour. Mr Pecksniff’s, I mean. You saw it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. Indeed I did not,’ cried Tom. ‘I was busy with the trunks.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is no matter,’ said Martin. ‘Come! Let us make haste back!’ And + without another word started off at such a pace, that Tom had some + difficulty in keeping up with him. + </p> + <p> + He had no care where he went, but walked through little heaps of mud and + little pools of water with the utmost indifference; looking straight + before him, and sometimes laughing in a strange manner within himself. Tom + felt that anything he could say would only render him the more obstinate, + and therefore trusted to Mr Pecksniff’s manner when they reached the + house, to remove the mistaken impression under which he felt convinced so + great a favourite as the new pupil must unquestionably be labouring. But + he was not a little amazed himself, when they did reach it, and entered + the parlour where Mr Pecksniff was sitting alone before the fire, drinking + some hot tea, to find that instead of taking favourable notice of his + relative and keeping him, Mr Pinch, in the background, he did exactly the + reverse, and was so lavish in his attentions to Tom, that Tom was + thoroughly confounded. + </p> + <p> + ‘Take some tea, Mr Pinch—take some tea,’ said Pecksniff, stirring + the fire. ‘You must be very cold and damp. Pray take some tea, and come + into a warm place, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom saw that Martin looked at Mr Pecksniff as though he could have easily + found it in his heart to give <i>him </i>an invitation to a very warm place; but + he was quite silent, and standing opposite that gentleman at the table, + regarded him attentively. + </p> + <p> + ‘Take a chair, Pinch,’ said Pecksniff. ‘Take a chair, if you please. How + have things gone on in our absence, Mr Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You—you will be very much pleased with the grammar-school, sir,’ + said Tom. ‘It’s nearly finished.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you will have the goodness, Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, waving his hand + and smiling, ‘we will not discuss anything connected with that question at + present. What have <i>you </i>been doing, Thomas, humph?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch looked from master to pupil, and from pupil to master, and was so + perplexed and dismayed that he wanted presence of mind to answer the + question. In this awkward interval, Mr Pecksniff (who was perfectly + conscious of Martin’s gaze, though he had never once glanced towards him) + poked the fire very much, and when he couldn’t do that any more, drank tea + assiduously. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, Mr Pecksniff,’ said Martin at last, in a very quiet voice, ‘if you + have sufficiently refreshed and recovered yourself, I shall be glad to + hear what you mean by this treatment of me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And what,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even more + placidly and gently than before, ‘what have <i>you </i>been doing, Thomas, + humph?’ + </p> + <p> + When he had repeated this inquiry, he looked round the walls of the room + as if he were curious to see whether any nails had been left there by + accident in former times. + </p> + <p> + Tom was almost at his wit’s end what to say between the two, and had + already made a gesture as if he would call Mr Pecksniff’s attention to the + gentleman who had last addressed him, when Martin saved him further + trouble, by doing so himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pecksniff,’ he said, softly rapping the table twice or thrice, and + moving a step or two nearer, so that he could have touched him with his + hand; ‘you heard what I said just now. Do me the favour to reply, if you + please. I ask you’—he raised his voice a little here—‘what you + mean by this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will talk to you, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff in a severe voice, as he + looked at him for the first time, ‘presently.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are very obliging,’ returned Martin; ‘presently will not do. I must + trouble you to talk to me at once.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff made a feint of being deeply interested in his pocketbook, + but it shook in his hands; he trembled so. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ retorted Martin, rapping the table again. ‘Now. Presently will not + do. Now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you threaten me, sir?’ cried Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer might + have detected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps an + involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr + Pecksniff’s cravat. + </p> + <p> + ‘I lament to be obliged to say, sir,’ resumed Mr Pecksniff, ‘that it would + be quite in keeping with your character if you did threaten me. You have + deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you knew to be confiding + and unsuspicious. You have obtained admission, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + rising, ‘to this house, on perverted statements and on false pretences.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on,’ said Martin, with a scornful smile. ‘I understand you now. What + more?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thus much more, sir,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, trembling from head to foot, + and trying to rub his hands, as though he were only cold. ‘Thus much more, + if you force me to publish your shame before a third party, which I was + unwilling and indisposed to do. This lowly roof, sir, must not be + contaminated by the presence of one who has deceived, and cruelly + deceived, an honourable, beloved, venerated, and venerable gentleman; and + who wisely suppressed that deceit from me when he sought my protection and + favour, knowing that, humble as I am, I am an honest man, seeking to do my + duty in this carnal universe, and setting my face against all vice and + treachery. I weep for your depravity, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘I mourn + over your corruption, I pity your voluntary withdrawal of yourself from + the flowery paths of purity and peace;’ here he struck himself upon his + breast, or moral garden; ‘but I cannot have a leper and a serpent for an + inmate. Go forth,’ said Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand: ‘go forth, + young man! Like all who know you, I renounce you!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20246m.jpg" alt="20246m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20246.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it is + impossible to say. It is enough to know that Tom Pinch caught him in his + arms, and that, at the same moment, Mr Pecksniff stepped back so hastily, + that he missed his footing, tumbled over a chair, and fell in a sitting + posture on the ground; where he remained without an effort to get up + again, with his head in a corner, perhaps considering it the safest place. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me go, Pinch!’ cried Martin, shaking him away. ‘Why do you hold me? + Do you think a blow could make him a more abject creature than he is? Do + you think that if I spat upon him, I could degrade him to a lower level + than his own? Look at him. Look at him, Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been already + mentioned, on the carpet, with his head in an acute angle of the wainscot, + and all the damage and detriment of an uncomfortable journey about him, + was not exactly a model of all that is prepossessing and dignified in man, + certainly. Still he <i>was </i>Pecksniff; it was impossible to deprive him of + that unique and paramount appeal to Tom. And he returned Tom’s glance, as + if he would have said, ‘Aye, Mr Pinch, look at me! Here I am! You know + what the Poet says about an honest man; and an honest man is one of the + few great works that can be seen for nothing! Look at me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you,’ said Martin, ‘that as he lies there, disgraced, bought, + used; a cloth for dirty hands, a mat for dirty feet, a lying, fawning, + servile hound, he is the very last and worst among the vermin of the + world. And mark me, Pinch! The day will come—he knows it; see it + written on his face, while I speak!—when even you will find him out, + and will know him as I do, and as he knows I do. <i>he</i> renounce <i>me</i>! Cast your + eyes on the Renouncer, Pinch, and be the wiser for the recollection!’ + </p> + <p> + He pointed at him as he spoke, with unutterable contempt, and flinging his + hat upon his head, walked from the room and from the house. He went so + rapidly that he was already clear of the village, when he heard Tom Pinch + calling breathlessly after him in the distance. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! what now?’ he said, when Tom came up. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear, dear!’ cried Tom, ‘are you going?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Going!’ he echoed. ‘Going!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t so much mean that, as were you going now at once—in this + bad weather—on foot—without your clothes—with no money?’ + cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ he answered sternly, ‘I am.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And where?’ cried Tom. ‘Oh where will you go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Yes, I do. I’ll go to America!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ cried Tom, in a kind of agony. ‘Don’t go there. Pray don’t. + Think better of it. Don’t be so dreadfully regardless of yourself. Don’t + go to America!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My mind is made up,’ he said. ‘Your friend was right. I’ll go to America. + God bless you, Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Take this!’ cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation. ‘I + must make haste back, and can’t say anything I would. Heaven be with you. + Look at the leaf I have turned down. Good-bye, good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down his + cheeks; and they parted hurriedly upon their separate ways. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTEEN + </h2> + <p> + SHOWING WHAT BECAME OF MARTIN AND HIS DESPARATE RESOLVE, AFTER HE LEFT MR + PECKSNIFF’S HOUSE; WHAT PERSONS HE ENCOUNTERED; WHAT ANXIETIES HE + SUFFERED; AND WHAT NEWS HE HEARD + </p> + <p> + Carrying Tom Pinch’s book quite unconsciously under his arm, and not even + buttoning his coat as a protection against the heavy rain, Martin went + doggedly forward at the same quick pace, until he had passed the + finger-post, and was on the high road to London. He slackened very little + in his speed even then, but he began to think, and look about him, and to + disengage his senses from the coil of angry passions which hitherto had + held them prisoner. + </p> + <p> + It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeable + employment either for his moral or his physical perceptions. The day was + dawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen clouds came + driving up before it, from which the rain descended in a thick, wet mist. + It streamed from every twig and bramble in the hedge; made little gullies + in the path; ran down a hundred channels in the road; and punched + innumerable holes into the face of every pond and gutter. It fell with an + oozy, slushy sound among the grass; and made a muddy kennel of every + furrow in the ploughed fields. No living creature was anywhere to be seen. + The prospect could hardly have been more desolate if animated nature had + been dissolved in water, and poured down upon the earth again in that + form. + </p> + <p> + The range of view within the solitary traveller was quite as cheerless as + the scene without. Friendless and penniless; incensed to the last degree; + deeply wounded in his pride and self-love; full of independent schemes, + and perfectly destitute of any means of realizing them; his most + vindictive enemy might have been satisfied with the extent of his + troubles. To add to his other miseries, he was by this time sensible of + being wet to the skin, and cold at his very heart. + </p> + <p> + In this deplorable condition he remembered Mr Pinch’s book; more because + it was rather troublesome to carry, than from any hope of being comforted + by that parting gift. He looked at the dingy lettering on the back, and + finding it to be an odd volume of the ‘Bachelor of Salamanca,’ in the + French tongue, cursed Tom Pinch’s folly twenty times. He was on the point + of throwing it away, in his ill-humour and vexation, when he bethought + himself that Tom had referred him to a leaf, turned down; and opening it + at that place, that he might have additional cause of complaint against + him for supposing that any cold scrap of the Bachelor’s wisdom could cheer + him in such circumstances, found!— + </p> + <p> + Well, well! not much, but Tom’s all. The half-sovereign. He had wrapped it + hastily in a piece of paper, and pinned it to the leaf. These words were + scrawled in pencil on the inside: ‘I don’t want it indeed. I should not + know what to do with it if I had it.’ + </p> + <p> + There are some falsehoods, Tom, on which men mount, as on bright wings, + towards Heaven. There are some truths, cold bitter taunting truths, + wherein your worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, which bind men + down to earth with leaden chains. Who would not rather have to fan him, in + his dying hour, the lightest feather of a falsehood such as thine, than + all the quills that have been plucked from the sharp porcupine, + reproachful truth, since time began! + </p> + <p> + Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom’s + keenly. After a few minutes it had the effect of raising his spirits, and + reminding him that he was not altogether destitute, as he had left a fair + stock of clothes behind him, and wore a gold hunting-watch in his pocket. + He found a curious gratification, too, in thinking what a winning fellow + he must be to have made such an impression on Tom; and in reflecting how + superior he was to Tom; and how much more likely to make his way in the + world. Animated by these thoughts, and strengthened in his design of + endeavouring to push his fortune in another country, he resolved to get to + London as a rallying-point, in the best way he could; and to lose no time + about it. + </p> + <p> + He was ten good miles from the village made illustrious by being the + abiding-place of Mr Pecksniff, when he stopped to breakfast at a little + roadside alehouse; and resting upon a high-backed settle before the fire, + pulled off his coat, and hung it before the cheerful blaze to dry. It was + a very different place from the last tavern in which he had regaled; + boasting no greater extent of accommodation than the brick-floored kitchen + yielded; but the mind so soon accommodates itself to the necessities of + the body, that this poor waggoner’s house-of-call, which he would have + despised yesterday, became now quite a choice hotel; while his dish of + eggs and bacon, and his mug of beer, were not by any means the coarse fare + he had supposed, but fully bore out the inscription on the window-shutter, + which proclaimed those viands to be ‘Good entertainment for Travellers.’ + </p> + <p> + He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the hearth + before him, looked thoughtfully at the fire until his eyes ached. Then he + looked at the highly-coloured scripture pieces on the walls, in little + black frames like common shaving-glasses, and saw how the Wise Men (with a + strong family likeness among them) worshipped in a pink manger; and how + the Prodigal Son came home in red rags to a purple father, and already + feasted his imagination on a sea-green calf. Then he glanced through the + window at the falling rain, coming down aslant upon the sign-post over + against the house, and overflowing the horse-trough; and then he looked at + the fire again, and seemed to descry a double distant London, retreating + among the fragments of the burning wood. + </p> + <p> + He had repeated this process in just the same order, many times, as if it + were a matter of necessity, when the sound of wheels called his attention + to the window out of its regular turn; and there he beheld a kind of light + van drawn by four horses, and laden, as well as he could see (for it was + covered in), with corn and straw. The driver, who was alone, stopped at + the door to water his team, and presently came stamping and shaking the + wet off his hat and coat, into the room where Martin sat. + </p> + <p> + He was a red-faced burly young fellow; smart in his way, and with a + good-humoured countenance. As he advanced towards the fire he touched his + shining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff leather glove, by way of + salutation; and said (rather unnecessarily) that it was an uncommon wet + day. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very wet,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know as ever I see a wetter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never felt one,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + The driver glanced at Martin’s soiled dress, and his damp shirt-sleeves, + and his coat hung up to dry; and said, after a pause, as he warmed his + hands: + </p> + <p> + ‘You have been caught in it, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ was the short reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Out riding, maybe?’ said the driver + </p> + <p> + ‘I should have been, if I owned a horse; but I don’t,’ returned Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s bad,’ said the driver. + </p> + <p> + ‘And may be worse,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + Now the driver said ‘That’s bad,’ not so much because Martin didn’t own a + horse, as because he said he didn’t with all the reckless desperation of + his mood and circumstances, and so left a great deal to be inferred. + Martin put his hands in his pockets and whistled when he had retorted on + the driver; thus giving him to understand that he didn’t care a pin for + Fortune; that he was above pretending to be her favourite when he was not; + and that he snapped his fingers at her, the driver, and everybody else. + </p> + <p> + The driver looked at him stealthily for a minute or so; and in the pauses + of his warming whistled too. At length he asked, as he pointed his thumb + towards the road. + </p> + <p> + ‘Up or down?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which <i>is</i> up?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘London, of course,’ said the driver. + </p> + <p> + ‘Up then,’ said Martin. He tossed his head in a careless manner + afterwards, as if he would have added, ‘Now you know all about it.’ put + his hands deeper into his pockets; changed his tune, and whistled a little + louder. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m going up,’ observed the driver; ‘Hounslow, ten miles this side + London.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you?’ cried Martin, stopping short and looking at him. + </p> + <p> + The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again and + answered, ‘Aye, to be sure he was.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then,’ said Martin, ‘I’ll be plain with you. You may suppose from my + dress that I have money to spare. I have not. All I can afford for + coach-hire is a crown, for I have but two. If you can take me for that, + and my waistcoat, or this silk handkerchief, do. If you can’t, leave it + alone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Short and sweet,’ remarked the driver. + </p> + <p> + ‘You want more?’ said Martin. ‘Then I haven’t got more, and I can’t get + it, so there’s an end of that.’ Whereupon he began to whistle again. + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t say I wanted more, did I?’ asked the driver, with something like + indignation. + </p> + <p> + ‘You didn’t say my offer was enough,’ rejoined Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, how could I, when you wouldn’t let me? In regard to the waistcoat, I + wouldn’t have a man’s waistcoat, much less a gentleman’s waistcoat, on my + mind, for no consideration; but the silk handkerchief’s another thing; and + if you was satisfied when we got to Hounslow, I shouldn’t object to that + as a gift.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it a bargain, then?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, it is,’ returned the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then finish this beer,’ said Martin, handing him the mug, and pulling on + his coat with great alacrity; ‘and let us be off as soon as you like.’ + </p> + <p> + In two minutes more he had paid his bill, which amounted to a shilling; + was lying at full length on a truss of straw, high and dry at the top of + the van, with the tilt a little open in front for the convenience of + talking to his new friend; and was moving along in the right direction + with a most satisfactory and encouraging briskness. + </p> + <p> + The driver’s name, as he soon informed Martin, was William Simmons, better + known as Bill; and his spruce appearance was sufficiently explained by his + connection with a large stage-coaching establishment at Hounslow, whither + he was conveying his load from a farm belonging to the concern in + Wiltshire. He was frequently up and down the road on such errands, he + said, and to look after the sick and rest horses, of which animals he had + much to relate that occupied a long time in the telling. He aspired to the + dignity of the regular box, and expected an appointment on the first + vacancy. He was musical besides, and had a little key-bugle in his pocket, + on which, whenever the conversation flagged, he played the first part of a + great many tunes, and regularly broke down in the second. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Bill, with a sigh, as he drew the back of his hand across his + lips, and put this instrument in his pocket, after screwing off the + mouth-piece to drain it; ‘Lummy Ned of the Light Salisbury, <i>he</i> was the one + for musical talents. He <i>was </i>a guard. What you may call a Guard’an Angel, + was Ned.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he dead?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dead!’ replied the other, with a contemptuous emphasis. ‘Not he. You + won’t catch Ned a-dying easy. No, no. He knows better than that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You spoke of him in the past tense,’ observed Martin, ‘so I supposed he + was no more. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s no more in England,’ said Bill, ‘if that’s what you mean. He went to + the U-nited States.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Did he?’ asked Martin, with sudden interest. ‘When?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Five year ago, or then about,’ said Bill. ‘He had set up in the public + line here, and couldn’t meet his engagements, so he cut off to Liverpool + one day, without saying anything about it, and went and shipped himself + for the U-nited States.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of course + they wos very glad to see him in the U-nited States.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean?’ asked Martin, with some scorn. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do I mean?’ said Bill. ‘Why, <i>that</i>. All men are alike in the U-nited + States, an’t they? It makes no odds whether a man has a thousand pound, or + nothing, there. Particular in New York, I’m told, where Ned landed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘New York, was it?’ asked Martin, thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Bill. ‘New York. I know that, because he sent word home that + it brought Old York to his mind, quite vivid, in consequence of being so + exactly unlike it in every respect. I don’t understand what particular + business Ned turned his mind to, when he got there; but he wrote home that + him and his friends was always a-singing, Ale Columbia, and blowing up the + President, so I suppose it was something in the public line; or + free-and-easy way again. Anyhow, he made his fortune.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, he did,’ said Bill. ‘I know that, because he lost it all the day + after, in six-and-twenty banks as broke. He settled a lot of the notes on + his father, when it was ascertained that they was really stopped and sent + ‘em over with a dutiful letter. I know that, because they was shown down + our yard for the old gentleman’s benefit, that he might treat himself with + tobacco in the workus.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He was a foolish fellow not to take care of his money when he had it,’ + said Martin, indignantly. + </p> + <p> + ‘There you’re right,’ said Bill, ‘especially as it was all in paper, and + he might have took care of it so very easy, by folding it up in a small + parcel.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin said nothing in reply, but soon afterwards fell asleep, and + remained so for an hour or more. When he awoke, finding it had ceased to + rain, he took his seat beside the driver, and asked him several questions; + as how long had the fortunate guard of the Light Salisbury been in + crossing the Atlantic; at what time of the year had he sailed; what was + the name of the ship in which he made the voyage; how much had he paid for + passage-money; did he suffer greatly from sea-sickness? and so forth. But + on these points of detail his friend was possessed of little or no + information; either answering obviously at random or acknowledging that he + had never heard, or had forgotten; nor, although he returned to the charge + very often, could he obtain any useful intelligence on these essential + particulars. + </p> + <p> + They jogged on all day, and stopped so often—now to refresh, now to + change their team of horses, now to exchange or bring away a set of + harness, now on one point of business, and now upon another, connected + with the coaching on that line of road—that it was midnight when + they reached Hounslow. A little short of the stables for which the van was + bound, Martin got down, paid his crown, and forced his silk handkerchief + upon his honest friend, notwithstanding the many protestations that he + didn’t wish to deprive him of it, with which he tried to give the lie to + his longing looks. That done, they parted company; and when the van had + driven into its own yard and the gates were closed, Martin stood in the + dark street, with a pretty strong sense of being shut out, alone, upon the + dreary world, without the key of it. + </p> + <p> + But in this moment of despondency, and often afterwards, the recollection + of Mr Pecksniff operated as a cordial to him; awakening in his breast an + indignation that was very wholesome in nerving him to obstinate endurance. + Under the influence of this fiery dram he started off for London without + more ado. Arriving there in the middle of the night, and not knowing where + to find a tavern open, he was fain to stroll about the streets and + market-places until morning. + </p> + <p> + He found himself, about an hour before dawn, in the humbler regions of the + Adelphi; and addressing himself to a man in a fur-cap, who was taking down + the shutters of an obscure public-house, informed him that he was a + stranger, and inquired if he could have a bed there. It happened by good + luck that he could. Though none of the gaudiest, it was tolerably clean, + and Martin felt very glad and grateful when he crept into it, for warmth, + rest, and forgetfulness. + </p> + <p> + It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he had + washed and dressed, and broken his fast, it was growing dusk again. This + was all the better, for it was now a matter of absolute necessity that he + should part with his watch to some obliging pawn-broker. He would have + waited until after dark for this purpose, though it had been the longest + day in the year, and he had begun it without a breakfast. + </p> + <p> + He passed more Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have juggled + with, in the course of their united performances, before he could + determine in favour of any particular shop where those symbols were + displayed. In the end he came back to one of the first he had seen, and + entering by a side-door in a court, where the three balls, with the legend + ‘Money Lent,’ were repeated in a ghastly transparency, passed into one of + a series of little closets, or private boxes, erected for the + accommodation of the more bashful and uninitiated customers. He bolted + himself in; pulled out his watch; and laid it on the counter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life and soul!’ said a low voice in the next box to the shopman + who was in treaty with him, ‘you must make it more; you must make it a + trifle more, you must indeed! You must dispense with one half-quarter of + an ounce in weighing out your pound of flesh, my best of friends, and make + it two-and-six.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin drew back involuntarily, for he knew the voice at once. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re always full of your chaff,’ said the shopman, rolling up the + article (which looked like a shirt) quite as a matter of course, and + nibbing his pen upon the counter. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall never be full of my wheat,’ said Mr Tigg, ‘as long as I come + here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it two-and-six, my dear friend, positively for + this occasion only. Half-a-crown is a delightful coin. Two-and-six. Going + at two-and-six! For the last time at two-and-six!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’ll never be the last time till it’s quite worn out,’ rejoined the + shopman. ‘It’s grown yellow in the service as it is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my friend,’ + said Mr Tigg; ‘in the patriotic service of an ungrateful country. You are + making it two-and-six, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m making it,’ returned the shopman, ‘what it always has been—two + shillings. Same name as usual, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Still the same name,’ said Mr Tigg; ‘my claim to the dormant peerage not + being yet established by the House of Lords.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The old address?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all,’ said Mr Tigg; ‘I have removed my town establishment from + thirty-eight, Mayfair, to number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two, Park + Lane.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, I’m not going to put down that, you know,’ said the shopman with a + grin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You may put down what you please, my friend,’ quoth Mr Tigg. ‘The fact is + still the same. The apartments for the under-butler and the fifth footman + being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at thirty-eight, Mayfair, I + have been compelled, in my regard for the feelings which do them so much + honour, to take on lease for seven, fourteen, or twenty-one years, + renewable at the option of the tenant, the elegant and commodious family + mansion, number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it + two-and-six, and come and see me!’ + </p> + <p> + The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that Mr Tigg + himself could not repress some little show of exultation. It vented + itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next box + received his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced round the + partition, and immediately, by the gaslight, recognized Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish I may die,’ said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far that his + head was as much in Martin’s little cell as Martin’s own head was, ‘but + this is one of the most tremendous meetings in Ancient or Modern History! + How are you? What is the news from the agricultural districts? How are our + friends the P.‘s? Ha, ha! David, pay particular attention to this + gentleman immediately, as a friend of mine, I beg.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20255m.jpg" alt="20255m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20255.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,’ said Martin, handing + the watch to the shopman. ‘I want money sorely.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He wants money, sorely!’ cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. ‘David, + will you have the goodness to do your very utmost for my friend, who wants + money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself. A gold + hunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped and jewelled in four holes, + escape movement, horizontal lever, and warranted to perform correctly, + upon my personal reputation, who have observed it narrowly for many years, + under the most trying circumstances’—here he winked at Martin, that + he might understand this recommendation would have an immense effect upon + the shopman; ‘what do you say, David, to my friend? Be very particular to + deserve my custom and recommendation, David.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like’ said the shopman to + Martin, confidentially. ‘It is very old-fashioned. I couldn’t say more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And devilish handsome, too,’ cried Mr Tigg. ‘Two-twelve-six for the + watch, and seven-and-six for personal regard. I am gratified; it may be + weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. The name of my + friend is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twenty-six-and-a-half B: + lodger.’ Here he winked at Martin again, to apprise him that all the forms + and ceremonies prescribed by law were now complied with, and nothing + remained but the receipt for the money. + </p> + <p> + In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no + resource but to take what was offered him, signified his acquiescence by a + nod of his head, and presently came out with the cash in his pocket. He + was joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as he + took his arm and accompanied him into the street, on the successful issue + of the negotiation. + </p> + <p> + ‘As for my part in the same,’ said Mr Tigg, ‘don’t mention it. Don’t + compliment me, for I can’t bear it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have no such intention, I assure you,’ retorted Martin, releasing his + arm and stopping. + </p> + <p> + ‘You oblige me very much’ said Mr Tigg. ‘Thank you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, sir,’ observed Martin, biting his lip, ‘this is a large town, and we + can easily find different ways in it. If you will show me which is your + way, I will take another.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tigg was about to speak, but Martin interposed: + </p> + <p> + ‘I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I have + nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr Slyme. And it is quite as + unnecessary for me to tell you that I don’t desire the honour of your + company.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop’ cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. ‘Hold! There is a most + remarkably long-headed, flowing-bearded, and patriarchal proverb, which + observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is generous. Be + just now, and you can be generous presently. Do not confuse me with the + man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man Slyme as a friend of mine, for he is + no such thing. I have been compelled, sir, to abandon the party whom you + call Slyme. I have no knowledge of the party whom you call Slyme. I am, + sir,’ said Mr Tigg, striking himself upon the breast, ‘a premium tulip, of + a very different growth and cultivation from the cabbage Slyme, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It matters very little to me,’ said Martin coolly, ‘whether you have set + up as a vagabond on your own account, or are still trading on behalf of Mr + Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil’s name, + man’ said Martin, scarcely able, despite his vexation, to repress a smile + as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back against the shutters of a shop window, + adjusting his hair with great composure, ‘will you go one way or other?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You will allow me to remind you, sir,’ said Mr Tigg, with sudden dignity, + ‘that you—not I—that you—I say emphatically, <i>you</i>—have + reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter of + business, when I was disposed to place them on a friendly footing. It + being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say that I expect a trifle + (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission upon the pecuniary + advance, in which I have rendered you my humble services. After the terms + in which you have addressed me, sir,’ concluded Mr Tigg, ‘you will not + insult me, if you please, by offering more than half-a-crown.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it towards + him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to assure himself of its goodness, + spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and buttoned it up. + Finally, he raised his hat an inch or two from his head with a military + air, and, after pausing a moment with deep gravity, as to decide in which + direction he should go, and to what Earl or Marquis among his friends he + should give the preference in his next call, stuck his hands in his + skirt-pockets and swaggered round the corner. Martin took the directly + opposite course; and so, to his great content, they parted company. + </p> + <p> + It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and again, + the mischance of having encountered this man in the pawnbroker’s shop. The + only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg’s voluntary avowal of + a separation between himself and Slyme, that would at least prevent his + circumstances (so Martin argued) from being known to any member of his + family, the bare possibility of which filled him with shame and wounded + pride. Abstractedly there was greater reason, perhaps, for supposing any + declaration of Mr Tigg’s to be false, than for attaching the least + credence to it; but remembering the terms on which the intimacy between + that gentleman and his bosom friend had subsisted, and the strong + probability of Mr Tigg’s having established an independent business of his + own on Mr Slyme’s connection, it had a reasonable appearance of + probability; at all events, Martin hoped so; and that went a long way. + </p> + <p> + His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his present + necessities, was, to retain his bed at the public-house until further + notice, and to write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for he knew Pecksniff + would see it) requesting to have his clothes forwarded to London by coach, + with a direction to be left at the office until called for. These measures + taken, he passed the interval before the box arrived—three days—in + making inquiries relative to American vessels, at the offices of various + shipping-agents in the city; and in lingering about the docks and wharves, + with the faint hope of stumbling upon some engagement for the voyage, as + clerk or supercargo, or custodian of something or somebody, which would + enable him to procure a free passage. But finding, soon, that no such + means of employment were likely to present themselves, and dreading the + consequences of delay, he drew up a short advertisement, stating what he + wanted, and inserted it in the leading newspapers. Pending the receipt of + the twenty or thirty answers which he vaguely expected, he reduced his + wardrobe to the narrowest limits consistent with decent respectability, + and carried the overplus at different times to the pawnbroker’s shop, for + conversion into money. + </p> + <p> + And it was strange, very strange, even to himself, to find how, by quick + though almost imperceptible degrees, he lost his delicacy and + self-respect, and gradually came to do that as a matter of course, without + the least compunction, which but a few short days before had galled him to + the quick. The first time he visited the pawnbroker’s, he felt on his way + there as if every person whom he passed suspected whither he was going; + and on his way back again, as if the whole human tide he stemmed, knew + well where he had come from. When did he care to think of their + discernment now! In his first wanderings up and down the weary streets, he + counterfeited the walk of one who had an object in his view; but soon + there came upon him the sauntering, slipshod gait of listless idleness, + and the lounging at street-corners, and plucking and biting of stray bits + of straw, and strolling up and down the same place, and looking into the + same shop-windows, with a miserable indifference, fifty times a day. At + first, he came out from his lodging with an uneasy sense of being observed—even + by those chance passers-by, on whom he had never looked before, and + hundreds to one would never see again—issuing in the morning from a + public-house; but now, in his comings-out and goings-in he did not mind to + lounge about the door, or to stand sunning himself in careless thought + beside the wooden stem, studded from head to heel with pegs, on which the + beer-pots dangled like so many boughs upon a pewter-tree. And yet it took + but five weeks to reach the lowest round of this tall ladder! + </p> + <p> + Oh, moralists, who treat of happiness and self-respect, innate in every + sphere of life, and shedding light on every grain of dust in God’s + highway, so smooth below your carriage-wheels, so rough beneath the tread + of naked feet, bethink yourselves in looking on the swift descent of men + who <i>have </i>lived in their own esteem, that there are scores of thousands + breathing now, and breathing thick with painful toil, who in that high + respect have never lived at all, nor had a chance of life! Go ye, who rest + so placidly upon the sacred Bard who had been young, and when he strung + his harp was old, and had never seen the righteous forsaken, or his seed + begging their bread; go, Teachers of content and honest pride, into the + mine, the mill, the forge, the squalid depths of deepest ignorance, and + uttermost abyss of man’s neglect, and say can any hopeful plant spring up + in air so foul that it extinguishes the soul’s bright torch as fast as it + is kindled! And, oh! ye Pharisees of the nineteen hundredth year of + Christian Knowledge, who soundingly appeal to human nature, see that it be + human first. Take heed it has not been transformed, during your slumber + and the sleep of generations, into the nature of the Beasts! + </p> + <p> + Five weeks! Of all the twenty or thirty answers, not one had come. His + money—even the additional stock he had raised from the disposal of + his spare clothes (and that was not much, for clothes, though dear to buy, + are cheap to pawn)—was fast diminishing. Yet what could he do? At + times an agony came over him in which he darted forth again, though he was + but newly home, and, returning to some place where he had been already + twenty times, made some new attempt to gain his end, but always + unsuccessfully. He was years and years too old for a cabin-boy, and years + upon years too inexperienced to be accepted as a common seaman. His dress + and manner, too, militated fatally against any such proposal as the + latter; and yet he was reduced to making it; for even if he could have + contemplated the being set down in America totally without money, he had + not enough left now for a steerage passage and the poorest provisions upon + the voyage. + </p> + <p> + It is an illustration of a very common tendency in the mind of man, that + all this time he never once doubted, one may almost say the certainty of + doing great things in the New World, if he could only get there. In + proportion as he became more and more dejected by his present + circumstances, and the means of gaining America receded from his grasp, + the more he fretted himself with the conviction that that was the only + place in which he could hope to achieve any high end, and worried his + brain with the thought that men going there in the meanwhile might + anticipate him in the attainment of those objects which were dearest to + his heart. He often thought of John Westlock, and besides looking out for + him on all occasions, actually walked about London for three days together + for the express purpose of meeting with him. But although he failed in + this; and although he would not have scrupled to borrow money of him; and + although he believed that John would have lent it; yet still he could not + bring his mind to write to Pinch and inquire where he was to be found. For + although, as we have seen, he was fond of Tom after his own fashion, he + could not endure the thought (feeling so superior to Tom) of making him + the stepping-stone to his fortune, or being anything to him but a patron; + and his pride so revolted from the idea that it restrained him even now. + </p> + <p> + It might have yielded, however; and no doubt must have yielded soon, but + for a very strange and unlooked-for occurrence. + </p> + <p> + The five weeks had quite run out, and he was in a truly desperate plight, + when one evening, having just returned to his lodging, and being in the + act of lighting his candle at the gas jet in the bar before stalking + moodily upstairs to his own room, his landlord called him by his name. Now + as he had never told it to the man, but had scrupulously kept it to + himself, he was not a little startled by this; and so plainly showed his + agitation that the landlord, to reassure him, said ‘it was only a letter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A letter!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘For Mr Martin Chuzzlewit,’ said the landlord, reading the superscription + of one he held in his hand. ‘Noon. Chief office. Paid.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin took it from him, thanked him, and walked upstairs. It was not + sealed, but pasted close; the handwriting was quite unknown to him. He + opened it and found enclosed, without any name, address, or other + inscription or explanation of any kind whatever, a Bank of England note + for Twenty Pounds. + </p> + <p> + To say that he was perfectly stunned with astonishment and delight; that + he looked again and again at the note and the wrapper; that he hurried + below stairs to make quite certain that the note was a good note; and then + hurried up again to satisfy himself for the fiftieth time that he had not + overlooked some scrap of writing on the wrapper; that he exhausted and + bewildered himself with conjectures; and could make nothing of it but that + there the note was, and he was suddenly enriched; would be only to relate + so many matters of course to no purpose. The final upshot of the business + at that time was, that he resolved to treat himself to a comfortable but + frugal meal in his own chamber; and having ordered a fire to be kindled, + went out to purchase it forthwith. + </p> + <p> + He bought some cold beef, and ham, and French bread, and butter, and came + back with his pockets pretty heavily laden. It was somewhat of a damping + circumstance to find the room full of smoke, which was attributable to two + causes; firstly, to the flue being naturally vicious and a smoker; and + secondly, to their having forgotten, in lighting the fire, an odd sack or + two and some trifles, which had been put up the chimney to keep the rain + out. They had already remedied this oversight, however; and propped up the + window-sash with a bundle of firewood to keep it open; so that except in + being rather inflammatory to the eyes and choking to the lungs, the + apartment was quite comfortable. + </p> + <p> + Martin was in no vein to quarrel with it, if it had been in less tolerable + order, especially when a gleaming pint of porter was set upon the table, + and the servant-girl withdrew, bearing with her particular instructions + relative to the production of something hot when he should ring the bell. + The cold meat being wrapped in a playbill, Martin laid the cloth by + spreading that document on the little round table with the print + downwards, and arranging the collation upon it. The foot of the bed, which + was very close to the fire, answered for a sideboard; and when he had + completed these preparations, he squeezed an old arm-chair into the + warmest corner, and sat down to enjoy himself. + </p> + <p> + He had begun to eat with great appetite, glancing round the room meanwhile + with a triumphant anticipation of quitting it for ever on the morrow, when + his attention was arrested by a stealthy footstep on the stairs, and + presently by a knock at his chamber door, which, although it was a gentle + knock enough, communicated such a start to the bundle of firewood, that it + instantly leaped out of window, and plunged into the street. + </p> + <p> + ‘More coals, I suppose,’ said Martin. ‘Come in!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It an’t a liberty, sir, though it seems so,’ rejoined a man’s voice. + ‘Your servant, sir. Hope you’re pretty well, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectly + remembering the features and expression, but quite forgetting to whom they + belonged. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tapley, sir,’ said his visitor. ‘Him as formerly lived at the Dragon, + sir, and was forced to leave in consequence of a want of jollity, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure!’ cried Martin. ‘Why, how did you come here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Right through the passage, and up the stairs, sir,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘How did you find me out, I mean?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ said Mark, ‘I’ve passed you once or twice in the street, if + I’m not mistaken; and when I was a-looking in at the beef-and-ham shop + just now, along with a hungry sweep, as was very much calculated to make a + man jolly, sir—I see you a-buying that.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin reddened as he pointed to the table, and said, somewhat hastily: + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! What then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then, sir,’ said Mark, ‘I made bold to foller; and as I told ‘em + downstairs that you expected me, I was let up.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you charged with any message, that you told them you were expected?’ + inquired Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, sir, I an’t,’ said Mark. ‘That was what you may call a pious fraud, + sir, that was.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the fellow’s + merry face, and in his manner—which with all its cheerfulness was + far from being obtrusive or familiar—that quite disarmed him. He had + lived a solitary life too, for many weeks, and the voice was pleasant in + his ear. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tapley,’ he said, ‘I’ll deal openly with you. From all I can judge and + from all I have heard of you through Pinch, you are not a likely kind of + fellow to have been brought here by impertinent curiosity or any other + offensive motive. Sit down. I’m glad to see you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thankee, sir,’ said Mark. ‘I’d as lieve stand.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you don’t sit down,’ retorted Martin, ‘I’ll not talk to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, sir,’ observed Mark. ‘Your will’s a law, sir. Down it is;’ and + he sat down accordingly upon the bedstead. + </p> + <p> + ‘Help yourself,’ said Martin, handing him the only knife. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thankee, sir,’ rejoined Mark. ‘After you’ve done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you don’t take it now, you’ll not have any,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, sir,’ rejoined Mark. ‘That being your desire—now it is.’ + With which reply he gravely helped himself and went on eating. Martin + having done the like for a short time in silence, said abruptly: + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you doing in London?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing at all, sir,’ rejoined Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘How’s that?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I want a place,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m sorry for you,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘—To attend upon a single gentleman,’ resumed Mark. ‘If from the + country the more desirable. Makeshifts would be preferred. Wages no + object.’ + </p> + <p> + He said this so pointedly, that Martin stopped in his eating, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘If you mean me—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I do, sir,’ interposed Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then you may judge from my style of living here, of my means of keeping a + man-servant. Besides, I am going to America immediately.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ returned Mark, quite unmoved by this intelligence ‘from all + that ever I heard about it, I should say America is a very likely sort of + place for me to be jolly in!’ + </p> + <p> + Again Martin looked at him angrily; and again his anger melted away in + spite of himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless you, sir,’ said Mark, ‘what is the use of us a-going round and + round, and hiding behind the corner, and dodging up and down, when we can + come straight to the point in six words? I’ve had my eye upon you any time + this fortnight. I see well enough there’s a screw loose in your affairs. I + know’d well enough the first time I see you down at the Dragon that it + must be so, sooner or later. Now, sir here am I, without a sitiwation; + without any want of wages for a year to come; for I saved up (I didn’t + mean to do it, but I couldn’t help it) at the Dragon—here am I with + a liking for what’s wentersome, and a liking for you, and a wish to come + out strong under circumstances as would keep other men down; and will you + take me, or will you leave me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How can I take you?’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I say take,’ rejoined Mark, ‘I mean will you let me go? and when I + say will you let me go, I mean will you let me go along with you? for go I + will, somehow or another. Now that you’ve said America, I see clear at + once, that that’s the place for me to be jolly in. Therefore, if I don’t + pay my own passage in the ship you go in, sir, I’ll pay my own passage in + another. And mark my words, if I go alone it shall be, to carry out the + principle, in the rottenest, craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel that a + place can be got in for love or money. So if I’m lost upon the way, sir, + there’ll be a drowned man at your door—and always a-knocking double + knocks at it, too, or never trust me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This is mere folly,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘I’m glad to hear it, because if you + don’t mean to let me go, you’ll be more comfortable, perhaps, on account + of thinking so. Therefore I contradict no gentleman. But all I say is, + that if I don’t emigrate to America in that case, in the beastliest old + cockle-shell as goes out of port, I’m—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t mean what you say, I’m sure,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes I do,’ cried Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you I know better,’ rejoined Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, sir,’ said Mark, with the same air of perfect satisfaction. + ‘Let it stand that way at present, sir, and wait and see how it turns out. + Why, love my heart alive! the only doubt I have is, whether there’s any + credit in going with a gentleman like you, that’s as certain to make his + way there as a gimlet is to go through soft deal.’ + </p> + <p> + This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a great + advantage. He could not help thinking, either, what a brisk fellow this + Mark was, and how great a change he had wrought in the atmosphere of the + dismal little room already. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, certainly, Mark,’ he said, ‘I have hopes of doing well there, or I + shouldn’t go. I may have the qualifications for doing well, perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course you have, sir,’ returned Mark Tapley. ‘Everybody knows that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You see,’ said Martin, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at the + fire, ‘ornamental architecture applied to domestic purposes, can hardly + fail to be in great request in that country; for men are constantly + changing their residences there, and moving further off; and it’s clear + they must have houses to live in.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should say, sir,’ observed Mark, ‘that that’s a state of things as + opens one of the jolliest look-outs for domestic architecture that ever I + heerd tell on.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin glanced at him hastily, not feeling quite free from a suspicion + that this remark implied a doubt of the successful issue of his plans. But + Mr Tapley was eating the boiled beef and bread with such entire good faith + and singleness of purpose expressed in his visage that he could not but be + satisfied. Another doubt arose in his mind however, as this one + disappeared. He produced the blank cover in which the note had been + enclosed, and fixing his eyes on Mark as he put it in his hands, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Now tell me the truth. Do you know anything about that?’ + </p> + <p> + Mark turned it over and over; held it near his eyes; held it away from him + at arm’s length; held it with the superscription upwards and with the + superscription downwards; and shook his head with such a genuine + expression of astonishment at being asked the question, that Martin said, + as he took it from him again: + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I see you don’t. How should you! Though, indeed, your knowing about + it would not be more extraordinary than its being here. Come, Tapley,’ he + added, after a moment’s thought, ‘I’ll trust you with my history, such as + it is, and then you’ll see more clearly what sort of fortunes you would + link yourself to, if you followed me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir,’ said Mark; ‘but afore you enter upon it will you + take me if I choose to go? Will you turn off me—Mark Tapley—formerly + of the Blue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr Pinch, and as wants a + gentleman of your strength of mind to look up to; or will you, in climbing + the ladder as you’re certain to get to the top of, take me along with you + at a respectful distance? Now, sir,’ said Mark, ‘it’s of very little + importance to you, I know, there’s the difficulty; but it’s of very great + importance to me, and will you be so good as to consider of it?’ + </p> + <p> + If this were meant as a second appeal to Martin’s weak side, founded on + his observation of the effect of the first, Mr Tapley was a skillful and + shrewd observer. Whether an intentional or an accidental shot, it hit the + mark fully for Martin, relenting more and more, said with a condescension + which was inexpressibly delicious to him, after his recent humiliation: + </p> + <p> + ‘We’ll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition you + find yourself to-morrow.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then, sir,’ said Mark, rubbing his hands, ‘the job’s done. Go on, sir, if + you please. I’m all attention.’ + </p> + <p> + Throwing himself back in his arm-chair, and looking at the fire, with now + and then a glance at Mark, who at such times nodded his head sagely, to + express his profound interest and attention. Martin ran over the chief + points in his history, to the same effect as he had related them, weeks + before, to Mr Pinch. But he adapted them, according to the best of his + judgment, to Mr Tapley’s comprehension; and with that view made as light + of his love affair as he could, and referred to it in very few words. But + here he reckoned without his host; for Mark’s interest was keenest in this + part of the business, and prompted him to ask sundry questions in relation + to it; for which he apologised as one in some measure privileged to do so, + from having seen (as Martin explained to him) the young lady at the Blue + Dragon. + </p> + <p> + ‘And a young lady as any gentleman ought to feel more proud of being in + love with,’ said Mark, energetically, ‘don’t draw breath.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye! You saw her when she was not happy,’ said Martin, gazing at the fire + again. ‘If you had seen her in the old times, indeed—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, she certainly was a little down-hearted, sir, and something paler in + her colour than I could have wished,’ said Mark, ‘but none the worse in + her looks for that. I think she seemed better, sir, after she come to + London.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin withdrew his eyes from the fire; stared at Mark as if he thought he + had suddenly gone mad; and asked him what he meant. + </p> + <p> + ‘No offence intended, sir,’ urged Mark. ‘I don’t mean to say she was any + the happier without you; but I thought she was a-looking better, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?’ asked Martin, rising + hurriedly, and pushing back his chair. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I do,’ said Mark, rising too, in great amazement from the + bedstead. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean to tell me she is in London now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Most likely, sir. I mean to say she was a week ago.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And you know where?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes!’ cried Mark. ‘What! Don’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good fellow!’ exclaimed Martin, clutching him by both arms, ‘I have + never seen her since I left my grandfather’s house.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then!’ cried Mark, giving the little table such a blow with his + clenched fist that the slices of beef and ham danced upon it, while all + his features seemed, with delight, to be going up into his forehead, and + never coming back again any more, ‘if I an’t your nat’ral born servant, + hired by Fate, there an’t such a thing in natur’ as a Blue Dragon. What! + when I was a-rambling up and down a old churchyard in the City, getting + myself into a jolly state, didn’t I see your grandfather a-toddling to and + fro for pretty nigh a mortal hour! Didn’t I watch him into Todgers’s + commercial boarding-house, and watch him out, and watch him home to his + hotel, and go and tell him as his was the service for my money, and I had + said so, afore I left the Dragon! Wasn’t the young lady a-sitting with him + then, and didn’t she fall a-laughing in a manner as was beautiful to see! + Didn’t your grandfather say, “Come back again next week,” and didn’t I go + next week; and didn’t he say that he couldn’t make up his mind to trust + nobody no more; and therefore wouldn’t engage me, but at the same time + stood something to drink as was handsome! Why,’ cried Mr Tapley, with a + comical mixture of delight and chagrin, ‘where’s the credit of a man’s + being jolly under such circumstances! Who could help it, when things come + about like this!’ + </p> + <p> + For some moments Martin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted the + evidence of his senses, and could not believe that Mark stood there, in + the body, before him. At length he asked him whether, if the young lady + were still in London, he thought he could contrive to deliver a letter to + her secretly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do I think I can?’ cried Mark. ‘<i>Think </i>I can? Here, sit down, sir. Write + it out, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting + everything upon it into the fireplace; snatched some writing materials + from the mantel-shelf; set Martin’s chair before them; forced him down + into it; dipped a pen into the ink; and put it in his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Cut away, sir!’ cried Mark. ‘Make it strong, sir. Let it be wery pinted, + sir. Do I think so? I should think so. Go to work, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin required no further adjuration, but went to work at a great rate; + while Mr Tapley, installing himself without any more formalities into the + functions of his valet and general attendant, divested himself of his + coat, and went on to clear the fireplace and arrange the room; talking to + himself in a low voice the whole time. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jolly sort of lodgings,’ said Mark, rubbing his nose with the knob at the + end of the fire-shovel, and looking round the poor chamber; ‘that’s a + comfort. The rain’s come through the roof too. That an’t bad. A lively old + bedstead, I’ll be bound; popilated by lots of wampires, no doubt. Come! my + spirits is a-getting up again. An uncommon ragged nightcap this. A very + good sign. We shall do yet! Here, Jane, my dear,’ calling down the stairs, + ‘bring up that there hot tumbler for my master as was a-mixing when I come + in. That’s right, sir,’ to Martin. ‘Go at it as if you meant it, sir. Be + very tender, sir, if you please. You can’t make it too strong, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FOURTEEN + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH MARTIN BIDS ADIEU TO THE LADY OF HIS LOVE; AND HONOURS AN OBSCURE + INDIVIDUAL WHOSE FORTUNE HE INTENDS TO MAKE BY COMMENDING HER TO HIS + PROTECTION + </p> + <p> + The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to Mark + Tapley, for immediate conveyance if possible. And he succeeded so well in + his embassy as to be enabled to return that same night, just as the house + was closing, with the welcome intelligence that he had sent it upstairs to + the young lady, enclosed in a small manuscript of his own, purporting to + contain his further petition to be engaged in Mr Chuzzlewit’s service; and + that she had herself come down and told him, in great haste and agitation, + that she would meet the gentleman at eight o’clock to-morrow morning in + St. James’s Park. It was then agreed between the new master and the new + man, that Mark should be in waiting near the hotel in good time, to escort + the young lady to the place of appointment; and when they had parted for + the night with this understanding, Martin took up his pen again; and + before he went to bed wrote another letter, whereof more will be seen + presently. + </p> + <p> + He was up before daybreak, and came upon the Park with the morning, which + was clad in the least engaging of the three hundred and sixty-five dresses + in the wardrobe of the year. It was raw, damp, dark, and dismal; the + clouds were as muddy as the ground; and the short perspective of every + street and avenue was closed up by the mist as by a filthy curtain. + </p> + <p> + ‘Fine weather indeed,’ Martin bitterly soliloquised, ‘to be wandering up + and down here in, like a thief! Fine weather indeed, for a meeting of + lovers in the open air, and in a public walk! I need be departing, with + all speed, for another country; for I have come to a pretty pass in this!’ + </p> + <p> + He might perhaps have gone on to reflect that of all mornings in the year, + it was not the best calculated for a young lady’s coming forth on such an + errand, either. But he was stopped on the road to this reflection, if his + thoughts tended that way, by her appearance at a short distance, on which + he hurried forward to meet her. Her squire, Mr Tapley, at the same time + fell discreetly back, and surveyed the fog above him with an appearance of + attentive interest. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20270m.jpg" alt="20270m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20270.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘My dear Martin,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mary,’ said Martin; and lovers are such a singular kind of people + that this is all they did say just then, though Martin took her arm, and + her hand too, and they paced up and down a short walk that was least + exposed to observation, half-a-dozen times. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you have changed at all, my love, since we parted,’ said Martin at + length, as he looked upon her with a proud delight, ‘it is only to be more + beautiful than ever!’ + </p> + <p> + Had she been of the common metal of love-worn young ladies, she would have + denied this in her most interesting manner; and would have told him that + she knew she had become a perfect fright; or that she had wasted away with + weeping and anxiety; or that she was dwindling gently into an early grave; + or that her mental sufferings were unspeakable; or would, either by tears + or words, or a mixture of both, have furnished him with some other + information to that effect, and made him as miserable as possible. But she + had been reared up in a sterner school than the minds of most young girls + are formed in; she had had her nature strengthened by the hands of hard + endurance and necessity; had come out from her young trials constant, + self-denying, earnest, and devoted; had acquired in her maidenhood—whether + happily in the end, for herself or him, is foreign to our present purpose + to inquire—something of that nobler quality of gentle hearts which + is developed often by the sorrows and struggles of matronly years, but + often by their lessons only. Unspoiled, unpampered in her joys or griefs; + with frank and full, and deep affection for the object of her early love; + she saw in him one who for her sake was an outcast from his home and + fortune, and she had no more idea of bestowing that love upon him in other + than cheerful and sustaining words, full of high hope and grateful + trustfulness, than she had of being unworthy of it, in her lightest + thought or deed, for any base temptation that the world could offer. + </p> + <p> + ‘What change is there in <i>you</i>, Martin,’ she replied; ‘for that concerns me + nearest? You look more anxious and more thoughtful than you used.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, as to that, my love,’ said Martin as he drew her waist within his + arm, first looking round to see that there were no observers near, and + beholding Mr Tapley more intent than ever on the fog; ‘it would be strange + if I did not; for my life—especially of late—has been a hard + one.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know it must have been,’ she answered. ‘When have I forgotten to think + of it and you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not often, I hope,’ said Martin. ‘Not often, I am sure. Not often, I have + some right to expect, Mary; for I have undergone a great deal of vexation + and privation, and I naturally look for that return, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A very, very poor return,’ she answered with a fainter smile. ‘But you + have it, and will have it always. You have paid a dear price for a poor + heart, Martin; but it is at least your own, and a true one.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I feel quite certain of that,’ said Martin, ‘or I shouldn’t + have put myself in my present position. And don’t say a poor heart, Mary, + for I say a rich one. Now, I am about to break a design to you, dearest, + which will startle you at first, but which is undertaken for your sake. I + am going,’ he added slowly, looking far into the deep wonder of her bright + dark eyes, ‘abroad.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Abroad, Martin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Only to America. See now. How you droop directly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I do, or, I hope I may say, if I did,’ she answered, raising her head + after a short silence, and looking once more into his face, ‘it was for + grief to think of what you are resolved to undergo for me. I would not + venture to dissuade you, Martin; but it is a long, long distance; there is + a wide ocean to be crossed; illness and want are sad calamities in any + place, but in a foreign country dreadful to endure. Have you thought of + all this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thought of it!’ cried Martin, abating, in his fondness—and he <i>was</i> + very fond of her—hardly an iota of his usual impetuosity. ‘What am I + to do? It’s very well to say, “Have I thought of it?” my love; but you + should ask me in the same breath, have I thought of starving at home; have + I thought of doing porter’s work for a living; have I thought of holding + horses in the streets to earn my roll of bread from day to day? Come, + come,’ he added, in a gentler tone, ‘do not hang down your head, my dear, + for I need the encouragement that your sweet face alone can give me. Why, + that’s well! Now you are brave again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am endeavouring to be,’ she answered, smiling through her tears. + </p> + <p> + ‘Endeavouring to be anything that’s good, and being it, is, with you, all + one. Don’t I know that of old?’ cried Martin, gayly. ‘So! That’s famous! + Now I can tell you all my plans as cheerfully as if you were my little + wife already, Mary.’ + </p> + <p> + She hung more closely on his arm, and looking upwards in his face, bade + him speak on. + </p> + <p> + ‘You see,’ said Martin, playing with the little hand upon his wrist, ‘that + my attempts to advance myself at home have been baffled and rendered + abortive. I will not say by whom, Mary, for that would give pain to us + both. But so it is. Have you heard him speak of late of any relative of + mine or his, called Pecksniff? Only tell me what I ask you, no more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have heard, to my surprise, that he is a better man than was supposed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought so,’ interrupted Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘And that it is likely we may come to know him, if not to visit and reside + with him and—I think—his daughters. He <i>has </i>daughters, has he, + love?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A pair of them,’ Martin answered. ‘A precious pair! Gems of the first + water!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! You are jesting!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is a sort of jesting which is very much in earnest, and includes + some pretty serious disgust,’ said Martin. ‘I jest in reference to Mr + Pecksniff (at whose house I have been living as his assistant, and at + whose hands I have received insult and injury), in that vein. Whatever + betides, or however closely you may be brought into communication with + this family, never forget that, Mary; and never for an instant, whatever + appearances may seem to contradict me, lose sight of this assurance—Pecksniff + is a scoundrel.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In thought, and in deed, and in everything else. A scoundrel from the + topmost hair of his head, to the nethermost atom of his heel. Of his + daughters I will only say that, to the best of my knowledge and belief, + they are dutiful young ladies, and take after their father closely. This + is a digression from the main point, and yet it brings me to what I was + going to say.’ + </p> + <p> + He stopped to look into her eyes again, and seeing, in a hasty glance over + his shoulder, that there was no one near, and that Mark was still intent + upon the fog, not only looked at her lips, too, but kissed them into the + bargain. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and of + returning home myself very soon; it may be to take you there for a few + years, but, at all events, to claim you for my wife; which, after such + trials, I should do with no fear of your still thinking it a duty to + cleave to him who will not suffer me to live (for this is true), if he can + help it, in my own land. How long I may be absent is, of course, + uncertain; but it shall not be very long. Trust me for that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the meantime, dear Martin—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall hear, + constantly, of all my goings-on. Thus.’ + </p> + <p> + He paused to take from his pocket the letter he had written overnight, and + then resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘In this fellow’s employment, and living in this fellow’s house (by + fellow, I mean Mr Pecksniff, of course), there is a certain person of the + name of Pinch. Don’t forget; a poor, strange, simple oddity, Mary; but + thoroughly honest and sincere; full of zeal; and with a cordial regard for + me. Which I mean to return one of these days, by setting him up in life in + some way or other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your old kind nature, Martin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Martin, ‘that’s not worth speaking of, my love. He’s very + grateful and desirous to serve me; and I am more than repaid. Now one + night I told this Pinch my history, and all about myself and you; in which + he was not a little interested, I can tell you, for he knows you! Aye, you + may look surprised—and the longer the better for it becomes you—but + you have heard him play the organ in the church of that village before + now; and he has seen you listening to his music; and has caught his + inspiration from you, too!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was <i>he</i> the organist?’ cried Mary. ‘I thank him from my heart!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, he was,’ said Martin, ‘and is, and gets nothing for it either. There + never was such a simple fellow! Quite an infant! But a very good sort of + creature, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure of that,’ she said with great earnestness. ‘He must be!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes, no doubt at all about it,’ rejoined Martin, in his usual + careless way. ‘He is. Well! It has occurred to me—but stay. If I + read you what I have written and intend sending to him by post to-night it + will explain itself. “My dear Tom Pinch.” That’s rather familiar perhaps,’ + said Martin, suddenly remembering that he was proud when they had last + met, ‘but I call him my dear Tom Pinch because he likes it, and it pleases + him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very right, and very kind,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly so!’ cried Martin. ‘It’s as well to be kind whenever one can; + and, as I said before, he really is an excellent fellow. “My dear Tom + Pinch—I address this under cover to Mrs Lupin, at the Blue Dragon, + and have begged her in a short note to deliver it to you without saying + anything about it elsewhere; and to do the same with all future letters + she may receive from me. My reason for so doing will be at once apparent + to you”—I don’t know that it will be, by the bye,’ said Martin, + breaking off, ‘for he’s slow of comprehension, poor fellow; but he’ll find + it out in time. My reason simply is, that I don’t want my letters to be + read by other people; and particularly by the scoundrel whom he thinks an + angel.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pecksniff again?’ asked Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘The same,’ said Martin ‘—will be at once apparent to you. I have + completed my arrangements for going to America; and you will be surprised + to hear that I am to be accompanied by Mark Tapley, upon whom I have + stumbled strangely in London, and who insists on putting himself under my + protection’—meaning, my love,’ said Martin, breaking off again, ‘our + friend in the rear, of course.’ + </p> + <p> + She was delighted to hear this, and bestowed a kind glance upon Mark, + which he brought his eyes down from the fog to encounter and received with + immense satisfaction. She said in his hearing, too, that he was a good + soul and a merry creature, and would be faithful, she was certain; + commendations which Mr Tapley inwardly resolved to deserve, from such + lips, if he died for it. + </p> + <p> + ‘“Now, my dear Pinch,”’ resumed Martin, proceeding with his letter; ‘“I am + going to repose great trust in you, knowing that I may do so with perfect + reliance on your honour and secrecy, and having nobody else just now to + trust in.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t think I would say that, Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wouldn’t you? Well! I’ll take that out. It’s perfectly true, though.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But it might seem ungracious, perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, I don’t mind Pinch,’ said Martin. ‘There’s no occasion to stand on + any ceremony with <i>him</i>. However, I’ll take it out, as you wish it, and make + the full stop at “secrecy.” Very well! “I shall not only”—this is + the letter again, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I understand.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘“I shall not only enclose my letters to the young lady of whom I have + told you, to your charge, to be forwarded as she may request; but I most + earnestly commit her, the young lady herself, to your care and regard, in + the event of your meeting in my absence. I have reason to think that the + probabilities of your encountering each other—perhaps very + frequently—are now neither remote nor few; and although in our + position you can do very little to lessen the uneasiness of hers, I trust + to you implicitly to do that much, and so deserve the confidence I have + reposed in you.” You see, my dear Mary,’ said Martin, ‘it will be a great + consolation to you to have anybody, no matter how simple, with whom you + can speak about <i>me</i>; and the very first time you talk to Pinch, you’ll feel + at once that there is no more occasion for any embarrassment or hesitation + in talking to him, than if he were an old woman.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘However that may be,’ she returned, smiling, ‘he is your friend, and that + is enough.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes, he’s my friend,’ said Martin, ‘certainly. In fact, I have told + him in so many words that we’ll always take notice of him, and protect + him; and it’s a good trait in his character that he’s grateful—very + grateful indeed. You’ll like him of all things, my love, I know. You’ll + observe very much that’s comical and old-fashioned about Pinch, but you + needn’t mind laughing at him; for he’ll not care about it. He’ll rather + like it indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t think I shall put that to the test, Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t if you can help it, of course,’ he said, ‘but I think you’ll + find him a little too much for your gravity. However, that’s neither here + nor there, and it certainly is not the letter; which ends thus: “Knowing + that I need not impress the nature and extent of that confidence upon you + at any greater length, as it is already sufficiently established in your + mind, I will only say, in bidding you farewell and looking forward to our + next meeting, that I shall charge myself from this time, through all + changes for the better, with your advancement and happiness, as if they + were my own. You may rely upon that. And always believe me, my dear Tom + Pinch, faithfully your friend, Martin Chuzzlewit. P.S.—I enclose the + amount which you so kindly”—Oh,’ said Martin, checking himself, and + folding up the letter, ‘that’s nothing!’ + </p> + <p> + At this crisis Mark Tapley interposed, with an apology for remarking that + the clock at the Horse Guards was striking. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which I shouldn’t have said nothing about, sir,’ added Mark, ‘if the + young lady hadn’t begged me to be particular in mentioning it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I did,’ said Mary. ‘Thank you. You are quite right. In another minute I + shall be ready to return. We have time for a very few words more, dear + Martin, and although I had much to say, it must remain unsaid until the + happy time of our next meeting. Heaven send it may come speedily and + prosperously! But I have no fear of that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Fear!’ cried Martin. ‘Why, who has? What are a few months? What is a + whole year? When I come gayly back, with a road through life hewn out + before me, then indeed, looking back upon this parting, it may seem a + dismal one. But now! I swear I wouldn’t have it happen under more + favourable auspices, if I could; for then I should be less inclined to go, + and less impressed with the necessity.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes. I feel that too. When do you go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To-night. We leave for Liverpool to-night. A vessel sails from that port, + as I hear, in three days. In a month, or less, we shall be there. Why, + what’s a month! How many months have flown by, since our last parting!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Long to look back upon,’ said Mary, echoing his cheerful tone, ‘but + nothing in their course!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing at all!’ cried Martin. ‘I shall have change of scene and change + of place; change of people, change of manners, change of cares and hopes! + Time will wear wings indeed! I can bear anything, so that I have swift + action, Mary.’ + </p> + <p> + Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little heed of + her share in the separation; of her quiet monotonous endurance, and her + slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing jarring and discordant + even in his tone of courage, with this one note ‘self’ for ever audible, + however high the strain? Not in her ears. It had been better otherwise, + perhaps, but so it was. She heard the same bold spirit which had flung + away as dross all gain and profit for her sake, making light of peril and + privation that she might be calm and happy; and she heard no more. That + heart where self has found no place and raised no throne, is slow to + recognize its ugly presence when it looks upon it. As one possessed of an + evil spirit was held in old time to be alone conscious of the lurking + demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred vices know each other in + their hiding-places every day, when Virtue is incredulous and blind. + </p> + <p> + ‘The quarter’s gone!’ cried Mr Tapley, in a voice of admonition. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall be ready to return immediately,’ she said. ‘One thing, dear + Martin, I am bound to tell you. You entreated me a few minutes since only + to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, but you should and + must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that since that separation of + which I was the unhappy occasion, he has never once uttered your name; has + never coupled it, or any faint allusion to it, with passion or reproach; + and has never abated in his kindness to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thank him for that last act,’ said Martin, ‘and for nothing else. + Though on consideration I may thank him for his other forbearance also, + inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention my name + again. He may once, perhaps—to couple it with reproach—in his + will. Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me, he will be in his + grave; a satire on his own anger, God help him!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the winter + fire; in the summer air; when you hear gentle music, or think of Death, or + Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season resolve to think, but + once a month, or even once a year, of him, or any one who ever wronged + you, you would forgive him in your heart, I know!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I believed that to be true, Mary,’ he replied, ‘I would resolve at no + such time to bear him in my mind; wishing to spare myself the shame of + such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet of any man, far + less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return for any good he did me, + my whole youth was sacrificed. It became between us two a fair exchange—a + barter—and no more; and there is no such balance against me that I + need throw in a mawkish forgiveness to poise the scale. He has forbidden + all mention of me to you, I know,’ he added hastily. ‘Come! Has he not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That was long ago,’ she returned; ‘immediately after your parting; before + you had left the house. He has never done so since.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,’ said Martin; + ‘but that is of little consequence, one way or other. Let all allusion to + him between you and me be interdicted from this time forth. And therefore, + love’—he drew her quickly to him, for the time of parting had now + come—‘in the first letter that you write to me through the Post + Office, addressed to New York; and in all the others that you send through + Pinch; remember he has no existence, but has become to us as one who is + dead. Now, God bless you! This is a strange place for such a meeting and + such a parting; but our next meeting shall be in a better, and our next + and last parting in a worse.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money for this + journey?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have I?’ cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might have + been in his desire to set her mind at ease: ‘Have I provided money? Why, + there’s a question for an emigrant’s wife! How could I move on land or sea + without it, love?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I mean, enough.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Enough! More than enough. Twenty times more than enough. A pocket-full. + Mark and I, for all essential ends, are quite as rich as if we had the + purse of Fortunatus in our baggage.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The half-hour’s a-going!’ cried Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good-bye a hundred times!’ cried Mary, in a trembling voice. + </p> + <p> + But how cold the comfort in Good-bye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly. + Perhaps he knew it from his reading, perhaps from his experience, perhaps + from intuition. It is impossible to say; but however he knew it, his + knowledge instinctively suggested to him the wisest course of proceeding + that any man could have adopted under the circumstances. He was taken with + a violent fit of sneezing, and was obliged to turn his head another way. + In doing which, he, in a manner fenced and screened the lovers into a + corner by themselves. + </p> + <p> + There was a short pause, but Mark had an undefined sensation that it was a + satisfactory one in its way. Then Mary, with her veil lowered, passed him + with a quick step, and beckoned him to follow. She stopped once more + before they lost that corner; looked back; and waved her hand to Martin. + He made a start towards them at the moment as if he had some other + farewell words to say; but she only hurried off the faster, and Mr Tapley + followed as in duty bound. + </p> + <p> + When he rejoined Martin again in his own chamber, he found that gentleman + seated moodily before the dusty grate, with his two feet on the fender, + his two elbows on his knees, and his chin supported, in a not very + ornamental manner, on the palms of his hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mark!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ said Mark, taking a long breath, ‘I see the young lady safe + home, and I feel pretty comfortable after it. She sent a lot of kind + words, sir, and this,’ handing him a ring, ‘for a parting keepsake.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Diamonds!’ said Martin, kissing it—let us do him justice, it was + for her sake; not for theirs—and putting it on his little finger. + ‘Splendid diamonds! My grandfather is a singular character, Mark. He must + have given her this now.’ + </p> + <p> + Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that that + unconscious speaker might carry some article of sterling value with him in + his necessity; as he knew that it was day, and not night. Though he had no + more acquaintance of his own knowledge with the history of the glittering + trinket on Martin’s outspread finger, than Martin himself had, he was as + certain that in its purchase she had expended her whole stock of hoarded + money, as if he had seen it paid down coin by coin. Her lover’s strange + obtuseness in relation to this little incident, promptly suggested to + Mark’s mind its real cause and root; and from that moment he had a clear + and perfect insight into the one absorbing principle of Martin’s + character. + </p> + <p> + ‘She is worthy of the sacrifices I have made,’ said Martin, folding his + arms, and looking at the ashes in the stove, as if in resumption of some + former thoughts. ‘Well worthy of them. No riches’—here he stroked + his chin and mused—‘could have compensated for the loss of such a + nature. Not to mention that in gaining her affection I have followed the + bent of my own wishes, and baulked the selfish schemes of others who had + no right to form them. She is quite worthy—more than worthy—of + the sacrifices I have made. Yes, she is. No doubt of it.’ + </p> + <p> + These ruminations might or might not have reached Mark Tapley; for though + they were by no means addressed to him, yet they were softly uttered. In + any case, he stood there, watching Martin with an indescribable and most + involved expression on his visage, until that young man roused himself and + looked towards him; when he turned away, as being suddenly intent upon + certain preparations for the journey, and, without giving vent to any + articulate sound, smiled with surpassing ghastliness, and seemed by a + twist of his features and a motion of his lips, to release himself of this + word: + </p> + <p> + ‘Jolly!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTEEN + </h2> + <h3> + THE BURDEN WHEREOF, IS HAIL COLUMBIA! + </h3> + <p> + A dark and dreary night; people nestling in their beds or circling late + about the fire; Want, colder than Charity, shivering at the street + corners; church-towers humming with the faint vibration of their own + tongues, but newly resting from the ghostly preachment ‘One!’ The earth + covered with a sable pall as for the burial of yesterday; the clumps of + dark trees, its giant plumes of funeral feathers, waving sadly to and fro: + all hushed, all noiseless, and in deep repose, save the swift clouds that + skim across the moon, and the cautious wind, as, creeping after them upon + the ground, it stops to listen, and goes rustling on, and stops again, and + follows, like a savage on the trail. + </p> + <p> + Whither go the clouds and wind so eagerly? If, like guilty spirits, they + repair to some dread conference with powers like themselves, in what wild + regions do the elements hold council, or where unbend in terrible disport? + </p> + <p> + Here! Free from that cramped prison called the earth, and out upon the + waste of waters. Here, roaring, raging, shrieking, howling, all night + long. Hither come the sounding voices from the caverns on the coast of + that small island, sleeping, a thousand miles away, so quietly in the + midst of angry waves; and hither, to meet them, rush the blasts from + unknown desert places of the world. Here, in the fury of their unchecked + liberty, they storm and buffet with each other, until the sea, lashed into + passion like their own, leaps up, in ravings mightier than theirs, and the + whole scene is madness. + </p> + <p> + On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long heaving + billows. Mountains and caves are here, and yet are not; for what is now + the one, is now the other; then all is but a boiling heap of rushing + water. Pursuit, and flight, and mad return of wave on wave, and savage + struggle, ending in a spouting-up of foam that whitens the black night; + incessant change of place, and form, and hue; constancy in nothing, but + eternal strife; on, on, on, they roll, and darker grows the night, and + louder howls the wind, and more clamorous and fierce become the million + voices in the sea, when the wild cry goes forth upon the storm ‘A ship!’ + </p> + <p> + Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall masts + trembling, and her timbers starting on the strain; onward she comes, now + high upon the curling billows, now low down in the hollows of the sea, as + hiding for the moment from its fury; and every storm-voice in the air and + water cries more loudly yet, ‘A ship!’ + </p> + <p> + Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading cry, + the angry waves rise up above each other’s hoary heads to look; and round + about the vessel, far as the mariners on the decks can pierce into the + gloom, they press upon her, forcing each other down and starting up, and + rushing forward from afar, in dreadful curiosity. High over her they + break; and round her surge and roar; and giving place to others, moaningly + depart, and dash themselves to fragments in their baffled anger. Still she + comes onward bravely. And though the eager multitude crowd thick and fast + upon her all the night, and dawn of day discovers the untiring train yet + bearing down upon the ship in an eternity of troubled water, onward she + comes, with dim lights burning in her hull, and people there, asleep; as + if no deadly element were peering in at every seam and chink, and no + drowned seaman’s grave, with but a plank to cover it, were yawning in the + unfathomable depths below. + </p> + <p> + Among these sleeping voyagers were Martin and Mark Tapley, who, rocked + into a heavy drowsiness by the unaccustomed motion, were as insensible to + the foul air in which they lay, as to the uproar without. It was broad day + when the latter awoke with a dim idea that he was dreaming of having gone + to sleep in a four-post bedstead which had turned bottom upwards in the + course of the night. There was more reason in this too, than in the + roasting of eggs; for the first objects Mr Tapley recognized when he + opened his eyes were his own heels—looking down to him, as he + afterwards observed, from a nearly perpendicular elevation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after various + ineffectual struggles with the rolling of the ship. ‘This is the first + time as ever I stood on my head all night.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You shouldn’t go to sleep upon the ground with your head to leeward + then,’ growled a man in one of the berths. + </p> + <p> + ‘With my head to <i>where</i>?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + The man repeated his previous sentiment. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I won’t another time,’ said Mark, ‘when I know whereabouts on the map + that country is. In the meanwhile I can give you a better piece of advice. + Don’t you nor any other friend of mine never go to sleep with his head in + a ship any more.’ + </p> + <p> + The man gave a grunt of discontented acquiescence, turned over in his + berth, and drew his blanket over his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘—For,’ said Mr Tapley, pursuing the theme by way of soliloquy in a + low tone of voice; ‘the sea is as nonsensical a thing as any going. It + never knows what to do with itself. It hasn’t got no employment for its + mind, and is always in a state of vacancy. Like them Polar bears in the + wild-beast shows as is constantly a-nodding their heads from side to side, + it never <i>can </i>be quiet. Which is entirely owing to its uncommon stupidity.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is that you, Mark?’ asked a faint voice from another berth. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s as much of me as is left, sir, after a fortnight of this work,’ Mr + Tapley replied, ‘What with leading the life of a fly, ever since I’ve been + aboard—for I’ve been perpetually holding-on to something or other in + a upside-down position—what with that, sir, and putting a very + little into myself, and taking a good deal out of myself, there an’t too + much of me to swear by. How do you find yourself this morning, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very miserable,’ said Martin, with a peevish groan. ‘Ugh. This is + wretched, indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Creditable,’ muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head and + looking round him with a rueful grin. ‘That’s the great comfort. It <i>is</i> + creditable to keep up one’s spirits here. Virtue’s its own reward. So’s + jollity.’ + </p> + <p> + Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained his + cheerfulness among the steerage accommodations of that noble and + fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, ‘<i>The Screw</i>,’ was solely indebted to his + own resources, and shipped his good humour, like his provisions, without + any contribution or assistance from the owners. A dark, low, stifling + cabin, surrounded by berths all filled to overflowing with men, women, and + children, in various stages of sickness and misery, is not the liveliest + place of assembly at any time; but when it is so crowded (as the steerage + cabin of the Screw was, every passage out), that mattresses and beds are + heaped upon the floor, to the extinction of everything like comfort, + cleanliness, and decency, it is liable to operate not only as a pretty + strong banner against amiability of temper, but as a positive encourager + of selfish and rough humours. Mark felt this, as he sat looking about him; + and his spirits rose proportionately. + </p> + <p> + There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch people + there; all with their little store of coarse food and shabby clothes; and + nearly all with their families of children. There were children of all + ages; from the baby at the breast, to the slattern-girl who was as much a + grown woman as her mother. Every kind of domestic suffering that is bred + in poverty, illness, banishment, sorrow, and long travel in bad weather, + was crammed into the little space; and yet was there infinitely less of + complaint and querulousness, and infinitely more of mutual assistance and + general kindness to be found in that unwholesome ark, than in many + brilliant ballrooms. + </p> + <p> + Mark looked about him wistfully, and his face brightened as he looked. + Here an old grandmother was crooning over a sick child, and rocking it to + and fro, in arms hardly more wasted than its own young limbs; here a poor + woman with an infant in her lap, mended another little creature’s clothes, + and quieted another who was creeping up about her from their scanty bed + upon the floor. Here were old men awkwardly engaged in little household + offices, wherein they would have been ridiculous but for their good-will + and kind purpose; and here were swarthy fellows—giants in their way—doing + such little acts of tenderness for those about them, as might have + belonged to gentlest-hearted dwarfs. The very idiot in the corner who sat + mowing there, all day, had his faculty of imitation roused by what he saw + about him; and snapped his fingers to amuse a crying child. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, then,’ said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her three + children at no great distance from him—and the grin upon his face + had by this time spread from ear to ear—‘Hand over one of them young + ‘uns according to custom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish you’d get breakfast, Mark, instead of worrying with people who + don’t belong to you,’ observed Martin, petulantly. + </p> + <p> + ‘All right,’ said Mark. ‘<i>She’ll</i> do that. It’s a fair division of labour, + sir. I wash her boys, and she makes our tea. I never <i>could </i>make tea, but + any one can wash a boy.’ + </p> + <p> + The woman, who was delicate and ill, felt and understood his kindness, as + well she might, for she had been covered every night with his greatcoat, + while he had for his own bed the bare boards and a rug. But Martin, who + seldom got up or looked about him, was quite incensed by the folly of this + speech, and expressed his dissatisfaction by an impatient groan. + </p> + <p> + ‘So it is, certainly,’ said Mark, brushing the child’s hair as coolly as + if he had been born and bred a barber. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you talking about, now?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘What you said,’ replied Mark; ‘or what you meant, when you gave that + there dismal vent to your feelings. I quite go along with it, sir. It <i>is</i> + very hard upon her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Making the voyage by herself along with these young impediments here, and + going such a way at such a time of the year to join her husband. If you + don’t want to be driven mad with yellow soap in your eye, young man,’ said + Mr Tapley to the second urchin, who was by this time under his hands at + the basin, ‘you’d better shut it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where does she join her husband?’ asked Martin, yawning. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I’m very much afraid,’ said Mr Tapley, in a low voice, ‘that she + don’t know. I hope she mayn’t miss him. But she sent her last letter by + hand, and it don’t seem to have been very clearly understood between ‘em + without it, and if she don’t see him a-waving his pocket-handkerchief on + the shore, like a pictur out of a song-book, my opinion is, she’ll break + her heart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, how, in Folly’s name, does the woman come to be on board ship on + such a wild-goose venture!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley glanced at him for a moment as he lay prostrate in his berth, + and then said, very quietly: + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! How indeed! I can’t think! He’s been away from her for two year; + she’s been very poor and lonely in her own country; and has always been + a-looking forward to meeting him. It’s very strange she should be here. + Quite amazing! A little mad perhaps! There can’t be no other way of + accounting for it.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was too far gone in the lassitude of sea-sickness to make any reply + to these words, or even to attend to them as they were spoken. And the + subject of their discourse returning at this crisis with some hot tea, + effectually put a stop to any resumption of the theme by Mr Tapley; who, + when the meal was over and he had adjusted Martin’s bed, went up on deck + to wash the breakfast service, which consisted of two half-pint tin mugs, + and a shaving-pot of the same metal. + </p> + <p> + It is due to Mark Tapley to state that he suffered at least as much from + sea-sickness as any man, woman, or child, on board; and that he had a + peculiar faculty of knocking himself about on the smallest provocation, + and losing his legs at every lurch of the ship. But resolved, in his usual + phrase, to ‘come out strong’ under disadvantageous circumstances, he was + the life and soul of the steerage, and made no more of stopping in the + middle of a facetious conversation to go away and be excessively ill by + himself, and afterwards come back in the very best and gayest of tempers + to resume it, than if such a course of proceeding had been the commonest + in the world. + </p> + <p> + It cannot be said that as his illness wore off, his cheerfulness and good + nature increased, because they would hardly admit of augmentation; but his + usefulness among the weaker members of the party was much enlarged; and at + all times and seasons there he was exerting it. If a gleam of sun shone + out of the dark sky, down Mark tumbled into the cabin, and presently up he + came again with a woman in his arms, or half-a-dozen children, or a man, + or a bed, or a saucepan, or a basket, or something animate or inanimate, + that he thought would be the better for the air. If an hour or two of fine + weather in the middle of the day tempted those who seldom or never came on + deck at other times to crawl into the long-boat, or lie down upon the + spare spars, and try to eat, there, in the centre of the group, was Mr + Tapley, handing about salt beef and biscuit, or dispensing tastes of grog, + or cutting up the children’s provisions with his pocketknife, for their + greater ease and comfort, or reading aloud from a venerable newspaper, or + singing some roaring old song to a select party, or writing the beginnings + of letters to their friends at home for people who couldn’t write, or + cracking jokes with the crew, or nearly getting blown over the side, or + emerging, half-drowned, from a shower of spray, or lending a hand + somewhere or other; but always doing something for the general + entertainment. At night, when the cooking-fire was lighted on the deck, + and the driving sparks that flew among the rigging, and the clouds of + sails, seemed to menace the ship with certain annihilation by fire, in + case the elements of air and water failed to compass her destruction; + there, again, was Mr Tapley, with his coat off and his shirt-sleeves + turned up to his elbows, doing all kinds of culinary offices; compounding + the strangest dishes; recognized by every one as an established authority; + and helping all parties to achieve something which, left to themselves, + they never could have done, and never would have dreamed of. In short, + there never was a more popular character than Mark Tapley became, on board + that noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw; and he + attained at last to such a pitch of universal admiration, that he began to + have grave doubts within himself whether a man might reasonably claim any + credit for being jolly under such exciting circumstances. + </p> + <p> + ‘If this was going to last,’ said Tapley, ‘there’d be no great difference + as I can perceive, between the Screw and the Dragon. I never am to get + credit, I think. I begin to be afraid that the Fates is determined to make + the world easy to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mark,’ said Martin, near whose berth he had ruminated to this + effect. ‘When will this be over?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Another week, they say, sir,’ returned Mark, ‘will most likely bring us + into port. The ship’s a-going along at present, as sensible as a ship can, + sir; though I don’t mean to say as that’s any very high praise.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t think it is, indeed,’ groaned Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’d feel all the better for it, sir, if you was to turn out,’ observed + Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘And be seen by the ladies and gentlemen on the after-deck,’ returned + Martin, with a scronful emphasis upon the words, ‘mingling with the + beggarly crowd that are stowed away in this vile hole. I should be greatly + the better for that, no doubt.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m thankful that I can’t say from my own experience what the feelings of + a gentleman may be,’ said Mark, ‘but I should have thought, sir, as a + gentleman would feel a deal more uncomfortable down here than up in the + fresh air, especially when the ladies and gentlemen in the after-cabin + know just as much about him as he does about them, and are likely to + trouble their heads about him in the same proportion. I should have + thought that, certainly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you, then,’ rejoined Martin, ‘you would have thought wrong, and do + think wrong.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very likely, sir,’ said Mark, with imperturbable good temper. ‘I often + do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As to lying here,’ cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and + looking angrily at his follower. ‘Do you suppose it’s a pleasure to lie + here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All the madhouses in the world,’ said Mr Tapley, ‘couldn’t produce such a + maniac as the man must be who could think that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then why are you forever goading and urging me to get up?’ asked Martin, + ‘I lie here because I don’t wish to be recognized, in the better days to + which I aspire, by any purse-proud citizen, as the man who came over with + him among the steerage passengers. I lie here because I wish to conceal my + circumstances and myself, and not to arrive in a new world badged and + ticketed as an utterly poverty-stricken man. If I could have afforded a + passage in the after-cabin I should have held up my head with the rest. As + I couldn’t I hide it. Do you understand that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very sorry, sir,’ said Mark. ‘I didn’t know you took it so much to + heart as this comes to.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course you didn’t know,’ returned his master. ‘How should you know, + unless I told you? It’s no trial to you, Mark, to make yourself + comfortable and to bustle about. It’s as natural for you to do so under + the circumstances as it is for me not to do so. Why, you don’t suppose + there is a living creature in this ship who can by possibility have half + so much to undergo on board of her as I have? Do you?’ he asked, sitting + upright in his berth and looking at Mark, with an expression of great + earnestness not unmixed with wonder. + </p> + <p> + Mark twisted his face into a tight knot, and with his head very much on + one side, pondered upon this question as if he felt it an extremely + difficult one to answer. He was relieved from his embarrassment by Martin + himself, who said, as he stretched himself upon his back again and resumed + the book he had been reading: + </p> + <p> + ‘But what is the use of my putting such a case to you, when the very + essence of what I have been saying is, that you cannot by possibility + understand it! Make me a little brandy-and-water—cold and very weak—and + give me a biscuit, and tell your friend, who is a nearer neighbour of ours + than I could wish, to try and keep her children a little quieter to-night + than she did last night; that’s a good fellow.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley set himself to obey these orders with great alacrity, and + pending their execution, it may be presumed his flagging spirits revived; + inasmuch as he several times observed, below his breath, that in respect + of its power of imparting a credit to jollity, the Screw unquestionably + had some decided advantages over the Dragon. He also remarked that it was + a high gratification to him to reflect that he would carry its main + excellence ashore with him, and have it constantly beside him wherever he + went; but what he meant by these consolatory thoughts he did not explain. + </p> + <p> + And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and various + predictions relative to the precise day, and even the precise hour at + which they would reach New York, were freely broached. There was + infinitely more crowding on deck and looking over the ship’s side than + there had been before; and an epidemic broke out for packing up things + every morning, which required unpacking again every night. Those who had + any letters to deliver, or any friends to meet, or any settled plans of + going anywhere or doing anything, discussed their prospects a hundred + times a day; and as this class of passengers was very small, and the + number of those who had no prospects whatever was very large, there were + plenty of listeners and few talkers. Those who had been ill all along, got + well now, and those who had been well, got better. An American gentleman + in the after-cabin, who had been wrapped up in fur and oilskin the whole + passage, unexpectedly appeared in a very shiny, tall, black hat, and + constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather, which + contained his clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books, trinkets, + and other baggage. He likewise stuck his hands deep into his pockets, and + walked the deck with his nostrils dilated, as already inhaling the air of + Freedom which carries death to all tyrants, and can never (under any + circumstances worth mentioning) be breathed by slaves. An English + gentleman who was strongly suspected of having run away from a bank, with + something in his possession belonging to its strong box besides the key, + grew eloquent upon the subject of the rights of man, and hummed the + Marseillaise Hymn constantly. In a word, one great sensation pervaded the + whole ship, and the soil of America lay close before them; so close at + last, that, upon a certain starlight night they took a pilot on board, and + within a few hours afterwards lay to until the morning, awaiting the + arrival of a steamboat in which the passengers were to be conveyed ashore. + </p> + <p> + Off she came, soon after it was light next morning, and lying alongside an + hour or more—during which period her very firemen were objects of + hardly less interest and curiosity than if they had been so many angels, + good or bad—took all her living freight aboard. Among them Mark, who + still had his friend and her three children under his close protection; + and Martin, who had once more dressed himself in his usual attire, but + wore a soiled, old cloak above his ordinary clothes, until such time as he + should separate for ever from his late companions. + </p> + <p> + The steamer—which, with its machinery on deck, looked, as it worked + its long slim legs, like some enormously magnified insect or antediluvian + monster—dashed at great speed up a beautiful bay; and presently they + saw some heights, and islands, and a long, flat, straggling city. + </p> + <p> + ‘And this,’ said Mr Tapley, looking far ahead, ‘is the Land of Liberty, is + it? Very well. I’m agreeable. Any land will do for me, after so much + water!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SIXTEEN + </h2> + <p> + MARTIN DISEMBARKS FROM THAT NOBLE AND FAST-SAILING LINE-OF-PACKET SHIP, + ‘THE SCREW’, AT THE PORT OF NEW YORK, IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. HE + MAKES SOME ACQUAINTANCES, AND DINES AT A BOARDING-HOUSE. THE PARTICULARS + OF THOSE TRANSACTIONS + </p> + <p> + Some trifling excitement prevailed upon the very brink and margin of the + land of liberty; for an alderman had been elected the day before; and + Party Feeling naturally running rather high on such an exciting occasion, + the friends of the disappointed candidate had found it necessary to assert + the great principles of Purity of Election and Freedom of opinion by + breaking a few legs and arms, and furthermore pursuing one obnoxious + gentleman through the streets with the design of hitting his nose. These + good-humoured little outbursts of the popular fancy were not in themselves + sufficiently remarkable to create any great stir, after the lapse of a + whole night; but they found fresh life and notoriety in the breath of the + newsboys, who not only proclaimed them with shrill yells in all the + highways and byways of the town, upon the wharves and among the shipping, + but on the deck and down in the cabins of the steamboat; which, before she + touched the shore, was boarded and overrun by a legion of those young + citizens. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here’s this morning’s New York Sewer!’ cried one. ‘Here’s this morning’s + New York Stabber! Here’s the New York Family Spy! Here’s the New York + Private Listener! Here’s the New York Peeper! Here’s the New York + Plunderer! Here’s the New York Keyhole Reporter! Here’s the New York Rowdy + Journal! Here’s all the New York papers! Here’s full particulars of the + patriotic locofoco movement yesterday, in which the whigs was so chawed + up; and the last Alabama gouging case; and the interesting Arkansas dooel + with Bowie knives; and all the Political, Commercial, and Fashionable + News. Here they are! Here they are! Here’s the papers, here’s the papers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here’s the Sewer!’ cried another. ‘Here’s the New York Sewer! Here’s some + of the twelfth thousand of to-day’s Sewer, with the best accounts of the + markets, and all the shipping news, and four whole columns of country + correspondence, and a full account of the Ball at Mrs White’s last night, + where all the beauty and fashion of New York was assembled; with the + Sewer’s own particulars of the private lives of all the ladies that was + there! Here’s the Sewer! Here’s some of the twelfth thousand of the New + York Sewer! Here’s the Sewer’s exposure of the Wall Street Gang, and the + Sewer’s exposure of the Washington Gang, and the Sewer’s exclusive account + of a flagrant act of dishonesty committed by the Secretary of State when + he was eight years old; now communicated, at a great expense, by his own + nurse. Here’s the Sewer! Here’s the New York Sewer, in its twelfth + thousand, with a whole column of New Yorkers to be shown up, and all their + names printed! Here’s the Sewer’s article upon the Judge that tried him, + day afore yesterday, for libel, and the Sewer’s tribute to the independent + Jury that didn’t convict him, and the Sewer’s account of what they might + have expected if they had! Here’s the Sewer, here’s the Sewer! Here’s the + wide-awake Sewer; always on the lookout; the leading Journal of the United + States, now in its twelfth thousand, and still a-printing off:—Here’s + the New York Sewer!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is in such enlightened means,’ said a voice almost in Martin’s ear, + ‘that the bubbling passions of my country find a vent.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a sallow + gentleman, with sunken cheeks, black hair, small twinkling eyes, and a + singular expression hovering about that region of his face, which was not + a frown, nor a leer, and yet might have been mistaken at the first glance + for either. Indeed it would have been difficult, on a much closer + acquaintance, to describe it in any more satisfactory terms than as a + mixed expression of vulgar cunning and conceit. This gentleman wore a + rather broad-brimmed hat for the greater wisdom of his appearance; and had + his arms folded for the greater impressiveness of his attitude. He was + somewhat shabbily dressed in a blue surtout reaching nearly to his ankles, + short loose trousers of the same colour, and a faded buff waistcoat, + through which a discoloured shirt-frill struggled to force itself into + notice, as asserting an equality of civil rights with the other portions + of his dress, and maintaining a declaration of Independence on its own + account. His feet, which were of unusually large proportions, were + leisurely crossed before him as he half leaned against, half sat upon, the + steamboat’s bulwark; and his thick cane, shod with a mighty ferule at one + end and armed with a great metal knob at the other, depended from a + line-and-tassel on his wrist. Thus attired, and thus composed into an + aspect of great profundity, the gentleman twitched up the right-hand + corner of his mouth and his right eye simultaneously, and said, once more: + </p> + <p> + ‘It is in such enlightened means that the bubbling passions of my country + find a vent.’ + </p> + <p> + As he looked at Martin, and nobody else was by, Martin inclined his head, + and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘You allude to—?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To the Palladium of rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of + Foreign oppression abroad,’ returned the gentleman, as he pointed with his + cane to an uncommonly dirty newsboy with one eye. ‘To the Envy of the + world, sir, and the leaders of Human Civilization. Let me ask you sir,’ he + added, bringing the ferule of his stick heavily upon the deck with the air + of a man who must not be equivocated with, ‘how do you like my Country?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am hardly prepared to answer that question yet,’ said Martin ‘seeing + that I have not been ashore.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,’ said the gentleman, + ‘to behold such signs of National Prosperity as those?’ + </p> + <p> + He pointed to the vessels lying at the wharves; and then gave a vague + flourish with his stick, as if he would include the air and water, + generally, in this remark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Really,’ said Martin, ‘I don’t know. Yes. I think I was.’ + </p> + <p> + The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked his + policy. It was natural, he said, and it pleased him as a philosopher to + observe the prejudices of human nature. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have brought, I see, sir,’ he said, turning round towards Martin, and + resting his chin on the top of his stick, ‘the usual amount of misery and + poverty and ignorance and crime, to be located in the bosom of the great + Republic. Well, sir! let ‘em come on in shiploads from the old country. + When vessels are about to founder, the rats are said to leave ‘em. There + is considerable of truth, I find, in that remark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The old ship will keep afloat a year or two longer yet, perhaps,’ said + Martin with a smile, partly occasioned by what the gentleman said, and + partly by his manner of saying it, which was odd enough for he emphasised + all the small words and syllables in his discourse, and left the others to + take care of themselves; as if he thought the larger parts of speech could + be trusted alone, but the little ones required to be constantly looked + after. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hope is said by the poet, sir,’ observed the gentleman, ‘to be the nurse + of young Desire.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in question + serving occasionally in that domestic capacity. + </p> + <p> + ‘She will not rear her infant in the present instance, sir, you’ll find,’ + observed the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Time will show,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + The gentleman nodded his head gravely; and said, ‘What is your name, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin told him. + </p> + <p> + ‘How old are you, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin told him. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is your profession, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin told him that also. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is your destination, sir?’ inquired the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Really,’ said Martin laughing, ‘I can’t satisfy you in that particular, + for I don’t know it myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes?’ said the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + The gentleman adjusted his cane under his left arm, and took a more + deliberate and complete survey of Martin than he had yet had leisure to + make. When he had completed his inspection, he put out his right hand, + shook Martin’s hand, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘My name is Colonel Diver, sir. I am the Editor of the New York Rowdy + Journal.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which an + announcement so distinguished appeared to demand. + </p> + <p> + ‘The New York Rowdy Journal, sir,’ resumed the colonel, ‘is, as I expect + you know, the organ of our aristocracy in this city.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! there <i>is</i> an aristocracy here, then?’ said Martin. ‘Of what is it + composed?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of intelligence, sir,’ replied the colonel; ‘of intelligence and virtue. + And of their necessary consequence in this republic—dollars, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was very glad to hear this, feeling well assured that if + intelligence and virtue led, as a matter of course, to the acquisition of + dollars, he would speedily become a great capitalist. He was about to + express the gratification such news afforded him, when he was interrupted + by the captain of the ship, who came up at the moment to shake hands with + the colonel; and who, seeing a well-dressed stranger on the deck (for + Martin had thrown aside his cloak), shook hands with him also. This was an + unspeakable relief to Martin, who, in spite of the acknowledged supremacy + of Intelligence and virtue in that happy country, would have been deeply + mortified to appear before Colonel Diver in the poor character of a + steerage passenger. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well cap’en!’ said the colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well colonel,’ cried the captain. ‘You’re looking most uncommon bright, + sir. I can hardly realise its being you, and that’s a fact.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A good passage, cap’en?’ inquired the colonel, taking him aside, + </p> + <p> + ‘Well now! It was a pretty spanking run, sir,’ said, or rather sung, the + captain, who was a genuine New Englander; ‘considerin’ the weather.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes?’ said the colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! It was, sir,’ said the captain. ‘I’ve just now sent a boy up to + your office with the passenger-list, colonel.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You haven’t got another boy to spare, p’raps, cap’en?’ said the colonel, + in a tone almost amounting to severity. + </p> + <p> + ‘I guess there air a dozen if you want ‘em, colonel,’ said the captain. + </p> + <p> + ‘One moderate big ‘un could convey a dozen champagne, perhaps,’ observed + the colonel, musing, ‘to my office. You said a spanking run, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, so I did,’ was the reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s very nigh, you know,’ observed the colonel. ‘I’m glad it was a + spanking run, cap’en. Don’t mind about quarts if you’re short of ‘em. The + boy can as well bring four-and-twenty pints, and travel twice as once.—A + first-rate spanker, cap’en, was it? Yes?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A most e—tarnal spanker,’ said the skipper. + </p> + <p> + ‘I admire at your good fortun, cap’en. You might loan me a corkscrew at + the same time, and half-a-dozen glasses if you liked. However bad the + elements combine against my country’s noble packet-ship, the Screw, sir,’ + said the colonel, turning to Martin, and drawing a flourish on the surface + of the deck with his cane, ‘her passage either way is almost certain to + eventuate a spanker!’ + </p> + <p> + The captain, who had the Sewer below at that moment, lunching expensively + in one cabin, while the amiable Stabber was drinking himself into a state + of blind madness in another, took a cordial leave of his friend the + colonel, and hurried away to dispatch the champagne; well knowing (as it + afterwards appeared) that if he failed to conciliate the editor of the + Rowdy Journal, that potentate would denounce him and his ship in large + capitals before he was a day older; and would probably assault the memory + of his mother also, who had not been dead more than twenty years. The + colonel being again left alone with Martin, checked him as he was moving + away, and offered in consideration of his being an Englishman, to show him + the town and to introduce him, if such were his desire, to a genteel + boarding-house. But before they entered on these proceedings (he said), he + would beseech the honour of his company at the office of the Rowdy + Journal, to partake of a bottle of champagne of his own importation. + </p> + <p> + All this was so extremely kind and hospitable, that Martin, though it was + quite early in the morning, readily acquiesced. So, instructing Mark, who + was deeply engaged with his friend and her three children, that when he + had done assisting them, and had cleared the baggage, he was to wait for + further orders at the Rowdy Journal Office, Martin accompanied his new + friend on shore. + </p> + <p> + They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd of + emigrants upon the wharf, who, grouped about their beds and boxes, with + the bare ground below them and the bare sky above, might have fallen from + another planet, for anything they knew of the country; and walked for some + short distance along a busy street, bounded on one side by the quays and + shipping; and on the other by a long row of staring red-brick storehouses + and offices, ornamented with more black boards and white letters, and more + white boards and black letters, than Martin had ever seen before, in fifty + times the space. Presently they turned up a narrow street, and presently + into other narrow streets, until at last they stopped before a house + whereon was painted in great characters, ‘<i>Rowdy Journal</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + The colonel, who had walked the whole way with one hand in his breast, his + head occasionally wagging from side to side, and his hat thrown back upon + his ears, like a man who was oppressed to inconvenience by a sense of his + own greatness, led the way up a dark and dirty flight of stairs into a + room of similar character, all littered and bestrewn with odds and ends of + newspapers and other crumpled fragments, both in proof and manuscript. + Behind a mangy old writing-table in this apartment sat a figure with a + stump of a pen in its mouth and a great pair of scissors in its right + hand, clipping and slicing at a file of Rowdy Journals; and it was such a + laughable figure that Martin had some difficulty in preserving his + gravity, though conscious of the close observation of Colonel Diver. + </p> + <p> + The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the Rowdy + Journals, was a small young gentleman of very juvenile appearance, and + unwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, from intense thought, but + partly, there is no doubt, from the excessive use of tobacco, which he was + at that moment chewing vigorously. He wore his shirt-collar turned down + over a black ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was not only + smoothed and parted back from his brow, that none of the Poetry of his + aspect might be lost, but had, here and there, been grubbed up by the + roots; which accounted for his loftiest developments being somewhat + pimply. He had that order of nose on which the envy of mankind has + bestowed the appellation ‘snub,’ and it was very much turned up at the + end, as with a lofty scorn. Upon the upper lip of this young gentleman + were tokens of a sandy down; so very, very smooth and scant, that, though + encouraged to the utmost, it looked more like a recent trace of + gingerbread than the fair promise of a moustache; and this conjecture, his + apparently tender age went far to strengthen. He was intent upon his work. + Every time he snapped the great pair of scissors, he made a corresponding + motion with his jaws, which gave him a very terrible appearance. + </p> + <p> + Martin was not long in determining within himself that this must be + Colonel Diver’s son; the hope of the family, and future mainspring of the + Rowdy Journal. Indeed he had begun to say that he presumed this was the + colonel’s little boy, and that it was very pleasant to see him playing at + Editor in all the guilelessness of childhood, when the colonel proudly + interposed and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘My War Correspondent, sir—Mr Jefferson Brick!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and the + consciousness of the irretrievable mistake he had nearly made. + </p> + <p> + Mr Brick seemed pleased with the sensation he produced upon the stranger, + and shook hands with him, with an air of patronage designed to reassure + him, and to let him blow that there was no occasion to be frightened, for + he (Brick) wouldn’t hurt him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have heard of Jefferson Brick, I see, sir,’ quoth the colonel, with a + smile. ‘England has heard of Jefferson Brick. Europe has heard of + Jefferson Brick. Let me see. When did you leave England, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Five weeks ago,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Five weeks ago,’ repeated the colonel, thoughtfully; as he took his seat + upon the table, and swung his legs. ‘Now let me ask you, sir which of Mr + Brick’s articles had become at that time the most obnoxious to the British + Parliament and the Court of Saint James’s?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word,’ said Martin, ‘I—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have reason to know, sir,’ interrupted the colonel, ‘that the + aristocratic circles of your country quail before the name of Jefferson + Brick. I should like to be informed, sir, from your lips, which of his + sentiments has struck the deadliest blow—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At the hundred heads of the Hydra of Corruption now grovelling in the + dust beneath the lance of Reason, and spouting up to the universal arch + above us, its sanguinary gore,’ said Mr Brick, putting on a little blue + cloth cap with a glazed front, and quoting his last article. + </p> + <p> + ‘The libation of freedom, Brick’—hinted the colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘—Must sometimes be quaffed in blood, colonel,’ cried Brick. And + when he said ‘blood,’ he gave the great pair of scissors a sharp snap, as + if <i>they </i>said blood too, and were quite of his opinion. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20296m.jpg" alt="20296m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20296.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + This done, they both looked at Martin, pausing for a reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life,’ said Martin, who had by this time quite recovered his + usual coolness, ‘I can’t give you any satisfactory information about it; + for the truth is that I—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop!’ cried the colonel, glancing sternly at his war correspondent and + giving his head one shake after every sentence. ‘That you never heard of + Jefferson Brick, sir. That you never read Jefferson Brick, sir. That you + never saw the Rowdy Journal, sir. That you never knew, sir, of its mighty + influence upon the cabinets of Europe. Yes?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s what I was about to observe, certainly,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Keep cool, Jefferson,’ said the colonel gravely. ‘Don’t bust! oh you + Europeans! After that, let’s have a glass of wine!’ So saying, he got down + from the table, and produced, from a basket outside the door, a bottle of + champagne, and three glasses. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Jefferson Brick, sir,’ said the colonel, filling Martin’s glass and + his own, and pushing the bottle to that gentleman, ‘will give us a + sentiment.’ + + ‘Well, sir!’ cried the war correspondent, ‘Since you have concluded to + call upon me, I will respond. I will give you, sir, The Rowdy Journal and + its brethren; the well of Truth, whose waters are black from being + composed of printers’ ink, but are quite clear enough for my country to + behold the shadow of her Destiny reflected in.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hear, hear!’ cried the colonel, with great complacency. ‘There are + flowery components, sir, in the language of my friend?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very much so, indeed,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘There is to-day’s Rowdy, sir,’ observed the colonel, handing him a paper. + ‘You’ll find Jefferson Brick at his usual post in the van of human + civilization and moral purity.’ + </p> + <p> + The colonel was by this time seated on the table again. Mr Brick also took + up a position on that same piece of furniture; and they fell to drinking + pretty hard. They often looked at Martin as he read the paper, and then at + each other. When he laid it down, which was not until they had finished a + second bottle, the colonel asked him what he thought of it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it’s horribly personal,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + The colonel seemed much flattered by this remark; and said he hoped it + was. + </p> + <p> + ‘We are independent here, sir,’ said Mr Jefferson Brick. ‘We do as we + like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I may judge from this specimen,’ returned Martin, ‘there must be a few + thousands here, rather the reverse of independent, who do as they don’t + like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! They yield to the popular mind of the Popular Instructor, sir,’ + said the colonel. ‘They rile up, sometimes; but in general we have a hold + upon our citizens, both in public and in private life, which is as much + one of the ennobling institutions of our happy country as—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As nigger slavery itself,’ suggested Mr Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘En—tirely so,’ remarked the colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray,’ said Martin, after some hesitation, ‘may I venture to ask, with + reference to a case I observe in this paper of yours, whether the Popular + Instructor often deals in—I am at a loss to express it without + giving you offence—in forgery? In forged letters, for instance,’ he + pursued, for the colonel was perfectly calm and quite at his ease, + ‘solemnly purporting to have been written at recent periods by living + men?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ replied the colonel. ‘It does, now and then.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And the popular instructed—what do they do?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Buy ‘em:’ said the colonel. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jefferson Brick expectorated and laughed; the former copiously, the + latter approvingly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Buy ‘em by hundreds of thousands,’ resumed the colonel. ‘We are a smart + people here, and can appreciate smartness.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is smartness American for forgery?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said the colonel, ‘I expect it’s American for a good many things + that you call by other names. But you can’t help yourself in Europe. We + can.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And do, sometimes,’ thought Martin. ‘You help yourselves with very little + ceremony, too!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At all events, whatever name we choose to employ,’ said the colonel, + stooping down to roll the third empty bottle into a corner after the other + two, ‘I suppose the art of forgery was not invented here sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose not,’ replied Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nor any other kind of smartness I reckon?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Invented! No, I presume not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said the colonel; ‘then we got it all from the old country, and + the old country’s to blame for it, and not the new ‘un. There’s an end of + <i>that</i>. Now, if Mr Jefferson Brick and you will be so good as to clear, I’ll + come out last, and lock the door.’ + </p> + <p> + Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin walked + downstairs after the war correspondent, who preceded him with great + majesty. The colonel following, they left the Rowdy Journal Office and + walked forth into the streets; Martin feeling doubtful whether he ought to + kick the colonel for having presumed to speak to him, or whether it came + within the bounds of possibility that he and his establishment could be + among the boasted usages of that regenerated land. + </p> + <p> + It was clear that Colonel Diver, in the security of his strong position, + and in his perfect understanding of the public sentiment, cared very + little what Martin or anybody else thought about him. His high-spiced + wares were made to sell, and they sold; and his thousands of readers could + as rationally charge their delight in filth upon him, as a glutton can + shift upon his cook the responsibility of his beastly excess. Nothing + would have delighted the colonel more than to be told that no such man as + he could walk in high success the streets of any other country in the + world; for that would only have been a logical assurance to him of the + correct adaptation of his labours to the prevailing taste, and of his + being strictly and peculiarly a national feature of America. + </p> + <p> + They walked a mile or more along a handsome street which the colonel said + was called Broadway, and which Mr Jefferson Brick said ‘whipped the + universe.’ Turning, at length, into one of the numerous streets which + branched from this main thoroughfare, they stopped before a rather + mean-looking house with jalousie blinds to every window; a flight of steps + before the green street-door; a shining white ornament on the rails on + either side like a petrified pineapple, polished; a little oblong plate of + the same material over the knocker whereon the name of ‘Pawkins’ was + engraved; and four accidental pigs looking down the area. + </p> + <p> + The colonel knocked at this house with the air of a man who lived there; + and an Irish girl popped her head out of one of the top windows to see who + it was. Pending her journey downstairs, the pigs were joined by two or + three friends from the next street, in company with whom they lay down + sociably in the gutter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is the major indoors?’ inquired the colonel, as he entered. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it the master, sir?’ returned the girl, with a hesitation which seemed + to imply that they were rather flush of majors in that establishment. + </p> + <p> + ‘The master!’ said Colonel Diver, stopping short and looking round at his + war correspondent. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! The depressing institutions of that British empire, colonel!’ said + Jefferson Brick. ‘Master!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter with the word?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should hope it was never heard in our country, sir; that’s all,’ said + Jefferson Brick; ‘except when it is used by some degraded Help, as new to + the blessings of our form of government, as this Help is. There are no + masters here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All “owners,” are they?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal’s footsteps without + returning any answer. Martin took the same course, thinking as he went, + that perhaps the free and independent citizens, who in their moral + elevation, owned the colonel for their master, might render better homage + to the goddess, Liberty, in nightly dreams upon the oven of a Russian + Serf. + </p> + <p> + The colonel led the way into a room at the back of the house upon the + ground-floor, light, and of fair dimensions, but exquisitely + uncomfortable; having nothing in it but the four cold white walls and + ceiling, a mean carpet, a dreary waste of dining-table reaching from end + to end, and a bewildering collection of cane-bottomed chairs. In the + further region of this banqueting-hall was a stove, garnished on either + side with a great brass spittoon, and shaped in itself like three little + iron barrels set up on end in a fender, and joined together on the + principle of the Siamese Twins. Before it, swinging himself in a + rocking-chair, lounged a large gentleman with his hat on, who amused + himself by spitting alternately into the spittoon on the right hand of the + stove, and the spittoon on the left, and then working his way back again + in the same order. A negro lad in a soiled white jacket was busily engaged + in placing on the table two long rows of knives and forks, relieved at + intervals by jugs of water; and as he travelled down one side of this + festive board, he straightened with his dirty hands the dirtier cloth, + which was all askew, and had not been removed since breakfast. The + atmosphere of this room was rendered intensely hot and stifling by the + stove; but being further flavoured by a sickly gush of soup from the + kitchen, and by such remote suggestions of tobacco as lingered within the + brazen receptacles already mentioned, it became, to a stranger’s senses, + almost insupportable. + </p> + <p> + The gentleman in the rocking-chair having his back towards them, and being + much engaged in his intellectual pastime, was not aware of their approach + until the colonel, walking up to the stove, contributed his mite towards + the support of the left-hand spittoon, just as the major—for it was + the major—bore down upon it. Major Pawkins then reserved his fire, + and looking upward, said, with a peculiar air of quiet weariness, like a + man who had been up all night—an air which Martin had already + observed both in the colonel and Mr Jefferson Brick— + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, colonel!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here is a gentleman from England, major,’ the colonel replied, ‘who has + concluded to locate himself here if the amount of compensation suits him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad to see you, sir,’ observed the major, shaking hands with + Martin, and not moving a muscle of his face. ‘You are pretty bright, I + hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never better,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are never likely to be,’ returned the major. ‘You will see the sun + shine <i>here</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,’ said Martin, + smiling. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think not,’ replied the major. He said so with a stoical indifference + certainly, but still in a tone of firmness which admitted of no further + dispute on that point. When he had thus settled the question, he put his + hat a little on one side for the greater convenience of scratching his + head, and saluted Mr Jefferson Brick with a lazy nod. + </p> + <p> + Major Pawkins (a gentleman of Pennsylvanian origin) was distinguished by a + very large skull, and a great mass of yellow forehead; in deference to + which commodities it was currently held in bar-rooms and other such places + of resort that the major was a man of huge sagacity. He was further to be + known by a heavy eye and a dull slow manner; and for being a man of that + kind who—mentally speaking—requires a deal of room to turn + himself in. But, in trading on his stock of wisdom, he invariably + proceeded on the principle of putting all the goods he had (and more) into + his window; and that went a great way with his constituency of admirers. + It went a great way, perhaps, with Mr Jefferson Brick, who took occasion + to whisper in Martin’s ear: + </p> + <p> + ‘One of the most remarkable men in our country, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + It must not be supposed, however, that the perpetual exhibition in the + market-place of all his stock-in-trade for sale or hire, was the major’s + sole claim to a very large share of sympathy and support. He was a great + politician; and the one article of his creed, in reference to all public + obligations involving the good faith and integrity of his country, was, + ‘run a moist pen slick through everything, and start fresh.’ This made him + a patriot. In commercial affairs he was a bold speculator. In plainer + words he had a most distinguished genius for swindling, and could start a + bank, or negotiate a loan, or form a land-jobbing company (entailing ruin, + pestilence, and death, on hundreds of families), with any gifted creature + in the Union. This made him an admirable man of business. He could hang + about a bar-room, discussing the affairs of the nation, for twelve hours + together; and in that time could hold forth with more intolerable dulness, + chew more tobacco, smoke more tobacco, drink more rum-toddy, mint-julep, + gin-sling, and cocktail, than any private gentleman of his acquaintance. + This made him an orator and a man of the people. In a word, the major was + a rising character, and a popular character, and was in a fair way to be + sent by the popular party to the State House of New York, if not in the + end to Washington itself. But as a man’s private prosperity does not + always keep pace with his patriotic devotion to public affairs; and as + fraudulent transactions have their downs as well as ups, the major was + occasionally under a cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins kept a + boarding-house, and Major Pawkins rather ‘loafed’ his time away than + otherwise. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great commercial + depression,’ said the major. + </p> + <p> + ‘At an alarming crisis,’ said the colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘At a period of unprecedented stagnation,’ said Mr Jefferson Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry to hear that,’ returned Martin. ‘It’s not likely to last, I + hope?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin knew nothing about America, or he would have known perfectly well + that if its individual citizens, to a man, are to be believed, it always + <i>is</i> depressed, and always <i>is</i> stagnated, and always <i>is</i> at an alarming + crisis, and never was otherwise; though as a body they are ready to make + oath upon the Evangelists at any hour of the day or night, that it is the + most thriving and prosperous of all countries on the habitable globe. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s not likely to last, I hope?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ returned the major, ‘I expect we shall get along somehow, and come + right in the end.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are an elastic country,’ said the Rowdy Journal. + </p> + <p> + ‘We are a young lion,’ said Mr Jefferson Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘We have revivifying and vigorous principles within ourselves,’ observed + the major. ‘Shall we drink a bitter afore dinner, colonel?’ + </p> + <p> + The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major Pawkins + proposed an adjournment to a neighbouring bar-room, which, as he observed, + was ‘only in the next block.’ He then referred Martin to Mrs Pawkins for + all particulars connected with the rate of board and lodging, and informed + him that he would have the pleasure of seeing that lady at dinner, which + would soon be ready, as the dinner hour was two o’clock, and it only + wanted a quarter now. This reminded him that if the bitter were to be + taken at all, there was no time to lose; so he walked off without more + ado, and left them to follow if they thought proper. + </p> + <p> + When the major rose from his rocking-chair before the stove, and so + disturbed the hot air and balmy whiff of soup which fanned their brows, + the odour of stale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as to leave no + doubt of its proceeding mainly from that gentleman’s attire. Indeed, as + Martin walked behind him to the bar-room, he could not help thinking that + the great square major, in his listlessness and langour, looked very much + like a stale weed himself; such as might be hoed out of the public garden, + with great advantage to the decent growth of that preserve, and tossed on + some congenial dunghill. + </p> + <p> + They encountered more weeds in the bar-room, some of whom (being thirsty + souls as well as dirty) were pretty stale in one sense, and pretty fresh + in another. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin gathered from the + conversation that took place over the bitter, started that afternoon for + the Far West on a six months’ business tour, and who, as his outfit and + equipment for this journey, had just such another shiny hat and just such + another little pale valise as had composed the luggage of the gentleman + who came from England in the Screw. + </p> + <p> + They were walking back very leisurely; Martin arm-in-arm with Mr Jefferson + Brick, and the major and the colonel side-by-side before them; when, as + they came within a house or two of the major’s residence, they heard a + bell ringing violently. The instant this sound struck upon their ears, the + colonel and the major darted off, dashed up the steps and in at the + street-door (which stood ajar) like lunatics; while Mr Jefferson Brick, + detaching his arm from Martin’s, made a precipitate dive in the same + direction, and vanished also. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good Heaven!’ thought Martin. ‘The premises are on fire! It was an alarm + bell!’ + </p> + <p> + But there was no smoke to be seen, nor any flame, nor was there any smell + of fire. As Martin faltered on the pavement, three more gentlemen, with + horror and agitation depicted in their faces, came plunging wildly round + the street corner; jostled each other on the steps; struggled for an + instant; and rushed into the house, a confused heap of arms and legs. + Unable to bear it any longer, Martin followed. Even in his rapid progress + he was run down, thrust aside, and passed, by two more gentlemen, stark + mad, as it appeared, with fierce excitement. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is it?’ cried Martin, breathlessly, to a negro whom he encountered + in the passage. + </p> + <p> + ‘In a eatin room, sa. Kernell, sa, him kep a seat ‘side himself, sa.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A seat!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘For a dinnar, sa.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin started at him for a moment, and burst into a hearty laugh; to + which the negro, out of his natural good humour and desire to please, so + heartily responded, that his teeth shone like a gleam of light. ‘You’re + the pleasantest fellow I have seen yet,’ said Martin clapping him on the + back, ‘and give me a better appetite than bitters.’ + </p> + <p> + With this sentiment he walked into the dining-room and slipped into a + chair next the colonel, which that gentleman (by this time nearly through + his dinner) had turned down in reserve for him, with its back against the + table. + </p> + <p> + It was a numerous company—eighteen or twenty perhaps. Of these some + five or six were ladies, who sat wedged together in a little phalanx by + themselves. All the knives and forks were working away at a rate that was + quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat + his utmost in self-defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before + breakfast time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert + the first law of nature. The poultry, which may perhaps be considered to + have formed the staple of the entertainment—for there was a turkey + at the top, a pair of ducks at the bottom, and two fowls in the middle—disappeared + as rapidly as if every bird had had the use of its wings, and had flown in + desperation down a human throat. The oysters, stewed and pickled, leaped + from their capacious reservoirs, and slid by scores into the mouths of the + assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished, whole cucumbers at once, like + sugar-plums, and no man winked his eye. Great heaps of indigestible matter + melted away as ice before the sun. It was a solemn and an awful thing to + see. Dyspeptic individuals bolted their food in wedges; feeding, not + themselves, but broods of nightmares, who were continually standing at + livery within them. Spare men, with lank and rigid cheeks, came out + unsatisfied from the destruction of heavy dishes, and glared with watchful + eyes upon the pastry. What Mrs Pawkins felt each day at dinner-time is + hidden from all human knowledge. But she had one comfort. It was very soon + over. + </p> + <p> + When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place while + Martin, who had sent his plate for some turkey, was waiting to begin, he + asked him what he thought of the boarders, who were from all parts of the + Union, and whether he would like to know any particulars concerning them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray,’ said Martin, ‘who is that sickly little girl opposite, with the + tight round eyes? I don’t see anybody here, who looks like her mother, or + who seems to have charge of her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean the matron in blue, sir?’ asked the colonel, with emphasis. + ‘That is Mrs Jefferson Brick, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Martin, ‘I mean the little girl, like a doll; directly + opposite.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ cried the colonel. ‘<i>that </i>is Mrs Jefferson Brick.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin glanced at the colonel’s face, but he was quite serious. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless my soul! I suppose there will be a young Brick then, one of these + days?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘There are two young Bricks already, sir,’ returned the colonel. + </p> + <p> + The matron looked so uncommonly like a child herself, that Martin could + not help saying as much. ‘Yes, sir,’ returned the colonel, ‘but some + institutions develop human natur; others re—tard it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jefferson Brick,’ he observed after a short silence, in commendation of + his correspondent, ‘is one of the most remarkable men in our country, + sir!’ + </p> + <p> + This had passed almost in a whisper, for the distinguished gentleman + alluded to sat on Martin’s other hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, Mr Brick,’ said Martin, turning to him, and asking a question more + for conversation’s sake than from any feeling of interest in its subject, + ‘who is that;’ he was going to say ‘young’ but thought it prudent to + eschew the word—‘that very short gentleman yonder, with the red + nose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That is Pro—fessor Mullit, sir,’ replied Jefferson. + </p> + <p> + ‘May I ask what he is professor of?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of education, sir,’ said Jefferson Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘A sort of schoolmaster, possibly?’ Martin ventured to observe. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is a man of fine moral elements, sir, and not commonly endowed,’ said + the war correspondent. ‘He felt it necessary, at the last election for + President, to repudiate and denounce his father, who voted on the wrong + interest. He has since written some powerful pamphlets, under the + signature of “Suturb,” or Brutus reversed. He is one of the most + remarkable men in our country, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There seem to be plenty of ‘em,’ thought Martin, ‘at any rate.’ + </p> + <p> + Pursuing his inquiries Martin found that there were no fewer than four + majors present, two colonels, one general, and a captain, so that he could + not help thinking how strongly officered the American militia must be; and + wondering very much whether the officers commanded each other; or if they + did not, where on earth the privates came from. There seemed to be no man + there without a title; for those who had not attained to military honours + were either doctors, professors, or reverends. Three very hard and + disagreeable gentlemen were on missions from neighbouring States; one on + monetary affairs, one on political, one on sectarian. Among the ladies, + there were Mrs Pawkins, who was very straight, bony, and silent; and a + wiry-faced old damsel, who held strong sentiments touching the rights of + women, and had diffused the same in lectures; but the rest were strangely + devoid of individual traits of character, insomuch that any one of them + might have changed minds with the other, and nobody would have found it + out. These, by the way, were the only members of the party who did not + appear to be among the most remarkable people in the country. + </p> + <p> + Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as they + swallowed their last morsel; pausing generally by the stove for a minute + or so to refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few sedentary + characters, however, remained at table full a quarter of an hour, and did + not rise until the ladies rose, when all stood up. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where are they going?’ asked Martin, in the ear of Mr Jefferson Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘To their bedrooms, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is there no dessert, or other interval of conversation?’ asked Martin, + who was disposed to enjoy himself after his long voyage. + </p> + <p> + ‘We are a busy people here, sir, and have no time for that,’ was the + reply. + </p> + <p> + So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such other + married gentlemen as were left, acknowledging the departure of their other + halves by a nod; and there was an end of <i>them</i>. Martin thought this an + uncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to himself for the present, + being anxious to hear, and inform himself by, the conversation of the busy + gentlemen, who now lounged about the stove as if a great weight had been + taken off their minds by the withdrawal of the other sex; and who made a + plentiful use of the spittoons and their toothpicks. + </p> + <p> + It was rather barren of interest, to say the truth; and the greater part + of it may be summed up in one word. Dollars. All their cares, hopes, joys, + affections, virtues, and associations, seemed to be melted down into + dollars. Whatever the chance contributions that fell into the slow + cauldron of their talk, they made the gruel thick and slab with dollars. + Men were weighed by their dollars, measures gauged by their dollars; life + was auctioneered, appraised, put up, and knocked down for its dollars. The + next respectable thing to dollars was any venture having their attainment + for its end. The more of that worthless ballast, honour and fair-dealing, + which any man cast overboard from the ship of his Good Name and Good + Intent, the more ample stowage-room he had for dollars. Make commerce one + huge lie and mighty theft. Deface the banner of the nation for an idle + rag; pollute it star by star; and cut out stripe by stripe as from the arm + of a degraded soldier. Do anything for dollars! What is a flag to <i>them</i>! + </p> + <p> + One who rides at all hazards of limb and life in the chase of a fox, will + prefer to ride recklessly at most times. So it was with these gentlemen. + He was the greatest patriot, in their eyes, who brawled the loudest, and + who cared the least for decency. He was their champion who, in the brutal + fury of his own pursuit, could cast no stigma upon them for the hot + knavery of theirs. Thus, Martin learned in the five minutes’ straggling + talk about the stove, that to carry pistols into legislative assemblies, + and swords in sticks, and other such peaceful toys; to seize opponents by + the throat, as dogs or rats might do; to bluster, bully, and overbear by + personal assailment; were glowing deeds. Not thrusts and stabs at Freedom, + striking far deeper into her House of Life than any sultan’s scimitar + could reach; but rare incense on her altars, having a grateful scent in + patriotic nostrils, and curling upward to the seventh heaven of Fame. + </p> + <p> + Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions as + naturally occurred to him, being a stranger, about the national poets, the + theatre, literature, and the arts. But the information which these + gentlemen were in a condition to give him on such topics, did not extend + beyond the effusions of such master-spirits of the time as Colonel Diver, + Mr Jefferson Brick, and others; renowned, as it appeared, for excellence + in the achievement of a peculiar style of broadside essay called ‘a + screamer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are a busy people, sir,’ said one of the captains, who was from the + West, ‘and have no time for reading mere notions. We don’t mind ‘em if + they come to us in newspapers along with almighty strong stuff of another + sort, but darn your books.’ + </p> + <p> + Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare thought of + reading anything which was neither mercantile nor political, and was not + in a newspaper, inquired ‘if any gentleman would drink some?’ Most of the + company, considering this a very choice and seasonable idea, lounged out, + one by one, to the bar-room in the next block. Thence they probably went + to their stores and counting-houses; thence to the bar-room again, to talk + once more of dollars, and enlarge their minds with the perusal and + discussion of screamers; and thence each man to snore in the bosom of his + own family. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which would seem,’ said Martin, pursuing the current of his own thoughts, + ‘to be the principal recreation they enjoy in common.’ With that, he fell + a-musing again on dollars, demagogues, and bar-rooms; debating within + himself whether busy people of this class were really as busy as they + claimed to be, or only had an inaptitude for social and domestic pleasure. + </p> + <p> + It was a difficult question to solve; and the mere fact of its being + strongly presented to his mind by all that he had seen and heard, was not + encouraging. He sat down at the deserted board, and becoming more and more + despondent, as he thought of all the uncertainties and difficulties of his + precarious situation, sighed heavily. + </p> + <p> + Now, there had been at the dinner-table a middle-aged man with a dark eye + and a sunburnt face, who had attracted Martin’s attention by having + something very engaging and honest in the expression of his features; but + of whom he could learn nothing from either of his neighbours, who seemed + to consider him quite beneath their notice. He had taken no part in the + conversation round the stove, nor had he gone forth with the rest; and + now, when he heard Martin sigh for the third or fourth time, he interposed + with some casual remark, as if he desired, without obtruding himself upon + a stranger’s notice, to engage him in cheerful conversation if he could. + His motive was so obvious, and yet so delicately expressed, that Martin + felt really grateful to him, and showed him so in the manner of his reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘I will not ask you,’ said this gentleman with a smile, as he rose and + moved towards him, ‘how you like my country, for I can quite anticipate + your feeling on that point. But, as I am an American, and consequently + bound to begin with a question, I’ll ask you how you like the colonel?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are so very frank,’ returned Martin, ‘that I have no hesitation in + saying I don’t like him at all. Though I must add that I am beholden to + him for his civility in bringing me here—and arranging for my stay, + on pretty reasonable terms, by the way,’ he added, remembering that the + colonel had whispered him to that effect, before going out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not much beholden,’ said the stranger drily. ‘The colonel occasionally + boards packet-ships, I have heard, to glean the latest information for his + journal; and he occasionally brings strangers to board here, I believe, + with a view to the little percentage which attaches to those good offices; + and which the hostess deducts from his weekly bill. I don’t offend you, I + hope?’ he added, seeing that Martin reddened. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear sir,’ returned Martin, as they shook hands, ‘how is that + possible! to tell you the truth, I—am—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes?’ said the gentleman, sitting down beside him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am rather at a loss, since I must speak plainly,’ said Martin, getting + the better of his hesitation, ‘to know how this colonel escapes being + beaten.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! He has been beaten once or twice,’ remarked the gentleman quietly. + ‘He is one of a class of men, in whom our own Franklin, so long ago as ten + years before the close of the last century, foresaw our danger and + disgrace. Perhaps you don’t know that Franklin, in very severe terms, + published his opinion that those who were slandered by such fellows as + this colonel, having no sufficient remedy in the administration of this + country’s laws or in the decent and right-minded feeling of its people, + were justified in retorting on such public nuisances by means of a stout + cudgel?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was not aware of that,’ said Martin, ‘but I am very glad to know it, + and I think it worthy of his memory; especially’—here he hesitated + again. + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on,’ said the other, smiling as if he knew what stuck in Martin’s + throat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Especially,’ pursued Martin, ‘as I can already understand that it may + have required great courage, even in his time, to write freely on any + question which was not a party one in this very free country.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Some courage, no doubt,’ returned his new friend. ‘Do you think it would + require any to do so, now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed I think it would; and not a little,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are right. So very right, that I believe no satirist could breathe + this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could rise up among us to-morrow, he + would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of our literature, and can + give me the name of any man, American born and bred, who has anatomized + our follies as a people, and not as this or that party; and who has + escaped the foulest and most brutal slander, the most inveterate hatred + and intolerant pursuit; it will be a strange name in my ears, believe me. + In some cases I could name to you, where a native writer has ventured on + the most harmless and good-humoured illustrations of our vices or defects, + it has been found necessary to announce, that in a second edition the + passage has been expunged, or altered, or explained away, or patched into + praise.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And how has this been brought about?’ asked Martin, in dismay. + </p> + <p> + ‘Think of what you have seen and heard to-day, beginning with the + colonel,’ said his friend, ‘and ask yourself. How <i>they </i>came about, is + another question. Heaven forbid that they should be samples of the + intelligence and virtue of America, but they come uppermost, and in great + numbers, and too often represent it. Will you walk?’ + </p> + <p> + There was a cordial candour in his manner, and an engaging confidence that + it would not be abused; a manly bearing on his own part, and a simple + reliance on the manly faith of a stranger; which Martin had never seen + before. He linked his arm readily in that of the American gentleman, and + they walked out together. + </p> + <p> + It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller of + honoured name, who trod those shores now nearly forty years ago, and woke + upon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and stains upon its high + pretensions, which in the brightness of his distant dreams were lost to + view, appealed in these words— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ‘Oh, but for such, Columbia’s days were done; + Rank without ripeness, quickened without sun, + Crude at the surface, rotten at the core, + Her fruits would fall before her spring were o’er!’ +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SEVENTEEN + </h2> + <p> + MARTIN ENLARGES HIS CIRCLE OF AQUAINTANCE; INCREASES HIS STOCK OF WISDOM; + AND HAS AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY OF COMPARING HIS OWN EXPERIENCES WITH + THOSE OF LUMMY NED OF THE LIGHT SALISBURY, AS RELATED BY HIS FRIEND MR + WILLIAM SIMMONS + </p> + <p> + It was characteristic of Martin, that all this while he had either + forgotten Mark Tapley as completely as if there had been no such person in + existence, or, if for a moment the figure of that gentleman rose before + his mental vision, had dismissed it as something by no means of a pressing + nature, which might be attended to by-and-bye, and could wait his perfect + leisure. But, being now in the streets again, it occurred to him as just + coming within the bare limits of possibility that Mr Tapley might, in + course of time, grow tired of waiting on the threshold of the Rowdy + Journal Office, so he intimated to his new friend, that if they could + conveniently walk in that direction, he would be glad to get this piece of + business off his mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘And speaking of business,’ said Martin, ‘may I ask, in order that I may + not be behind-hand with questions either, whether your occupation holds + you to this city, or like myself, you are a visitor here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A visitor,’ replied his friend. ‘I was “raised” in the State of + Massachusetts, and reside there still. My home is in a quiet country town. + I am not often in these busy places; and my inclination to visit them does + not increase with our better acquaintance, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have been abroad?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And, like most people who travel, have become more than ever attached to + your home and native country,’ said Martin, eyeing him curiously. + </p> + <p> + ‘To my home—yes,’ rejoined his friend. ‘To my native country <i>as</i> my + home—yes, also.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You imply some reservation,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ returned his new friend, ‘if you ask me whether I came back here + with a greater relish for my country’s faults; with a greater fondness for + those who claim (at the rate of so many dollars a day) to be her friends; + with a cooler indifference to the growth of principles among us in respect + of public matters and of private dealings between man and man, the + advocacy of which, beyond the foul atmosphere of a criminal trial, would + disgrace your own old Bailey lawyers; why, then I answer plainly, No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Martin; in so exactly the same key as his friend’s No, that it + sounded like an echo. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you ask me,’ his companion pursued, ‘whether I came back here better + satisfied with a state of things which broadly divides society into two + classes—whereof one, the great mass, asserts a spurious + independence, most miserably dependent for its mean existence on the + disregard of humanizing conventionalities of manner and social custom, so + that the coarser a man is, the more distinctly it shall appeal to his + taste; while the other, disgusted with the low standard thus set up and + made adaptable to everything, takes refuge among the graces and + refinements it can bring to bear on private life, and leaves the public + weal to such fortune as may betide it in the press and uproar of a general + scramble—then again I answer, No.’ + </p> + <p> + And again Martin said ‘Oh!’ in the same odd way as before, being anxious + and disconcerted; not so much, to say the truth, on public grounds, as + with reference to the fading prospects of domestic architecture. + </p> + <p> + ‘In a word,’ resumed the other, ‘I do not find and cannot believe and + therefore will not allow, that we are a model of wisdom, and an example to + the world, and the perfection of human reason, and a great deal more to + the same purpose, which you may hear any hour in the day; simply because + we began our political life with two inestimable advantages.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What were they?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘One, that our history commenced at so late a period as to escape the ages + of bloodshed and cruelty through which other nations have passed; and so + had all the light of their probation, and none of its darkness. The other, + that we have a vast territory, and not—as yet—too many people + on it. These facts considered, we have done little enough, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Education?’ suggested Martin, faintly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well on that head,’ said the other, shrugging his shoulders, + ‘still no mighty matter to boast of; for old countries, and despotic + countries too, have done as much, if not more, and made less noise about + it. We shine out brightly in comparison with England, certainly; but hers + is a very extreme case. You complimented me on my frankness, you know,’ he + added, laughing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I am not at all astonished at your speaking thus openly when my + country is in question,’ returned Martin. ‘It is your plain-speaking in + reference to your own that surprises me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving among + the Colonel Divers, and Jefferson Bricks, and Major Pawkinses; though the + best of us are something like the man in Goldsmith’s comedy, who wouldn’t + suffer anybody but himself to abuse his master. Come!’ he added. ‘Let us + talk of something else. You have come here on some design of improving + your fortune, I dare say; and I should grieve to put you out of heart. I + am some years older than you, besides; and may, on a few trivial points, + advise you, perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + There was not the least curiosity or impertinence in the manner of this + offer, which was open-hearted, unaffected, and good-natured. As it was + next to impossible that he should not have his confidence awakened by a + deportment so prepossessing and kind, Martin plainly stated what had + brought him into those parts, and even made the very difficult avowal that + he was poor. He did not say how poor, it must be admitted, rather throwing + off the declaration with an air which might have implied that he had money + enough for six months, instead of as many weeks; but poor he said he was, + and grateful he said he would be, for any counsel that his friend would + give him. + </p> + <p> + It would not have been very difficult for any one to see; but it was + particularly easy for Martin, whose perceptions were sharpened by his + circumstances, to discern; that the stranger’s face grew infinitely longer + as the domestic-architecture project was developed. Nor, although he made + a great effort to be as encouraging as possible, could he prevent his head + from shaking once involuntarily, as if it said in the vulgar tongue, upon + its own account, ‘No go!’ But he spoke in a cheerful tone, and said, that + although there was no such opening as Martin wished, in that city, he + would make it matter of immediate consideration and inquiry where one was + most likely to exist; and then he made Martin acquainted with his name, + which was Bevan; and with his profession, which was physic, though he + seldom or never practiced; and with other circumstances connected with + himself and family, which fully occupied the time, until they reached the + Rowdy Journal Office. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20313m.jpg" alt="20313m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20313.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Mr Tapley appeared to be taking his ease on the landing of the first + floor; for sounds as of some gentleman established in that region + whistling ‘Rule Britannia’ with all his might and main, greeted their ears + before they reached the house. On ascending to the spot from whence this + music proceeded, they found him recumbent in the midst of a fortification + of luggage, apparently performing his national anthem for the + gratification of a grey-haired black man, who sat on one of the outworks + (a portmanteau), staring intently at Mark, while Mark, with his head + reclining on his hand, returned the compliment in a thoughtful manner, and + whistled all the time. He seemed to have recently dined, for his knife, a + casebottle, and certain broken meats in a handkerchief, lay near at hand. + He had employed a portion of his leisure in the decoration of the Rowdy + Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in letters nearly half + a foot long, together with the day of the month in smaller type; the whole + surrounded by an ornamental border, and looking very fresh and bold. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was a’most afraid you was lost, sir!’ cried Mark, rising, and stopping + the tune at that point where Britons generally are supposed to declare + (when it is whistled) that they never, never, never— + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing gone wrong, I hope, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Mark. Where’s your friend?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The mad woman, sir?’ said Mr Tapley. ‘Oh! she’s all right, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Did she find her husband?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. Leastways she’s found his remains,’ said Mark, correcting + himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘The man’s not dead, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not altogether dead, sir,’ returned Mark; ‘but he’s had more fevers and + agues than is quite reconcilable with being alive. When she didn’t see him + a-waiting for her, I thought she’d have died herself, I did!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was he not here, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>He</i> wasn’t here. There was a feeble old shadow come a-creeping down at + last, as much like his substance when she know’d him, as your shadow when + it’s drawn out to its very finest and longest by the sun, is like you. But + it was his remains, there’s no doubt about that. She took on with joy, + poor thing, as much as if it had been all of him!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Had he bought land?’ asked Mr Bevan. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! He’d bought land,’ said Mark, shaking his head, ‘and paid for it too. + Every sort of nateral advantage was connected with it, the agents said; + and there certainly was <i>one</i>, quite unlimited. No end to the water!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a thing he couldn’t have done without, I suppose,’ observed Martin, + peevishly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly not, sir. There it was, any way; always turned on, and no + water-rate. Independent of three or four slimy old rivers close by, it + varied on the farm from four to six foot deep in the dry season. He + couldn’t say how deep it was in the rainy time, for he never had anything + long enough to sound it with.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is this true?’ asked Martin of his companion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Extremely probable,’ he answered. ‘Some Mississippi or Missouri lot, I + dare say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘However,’ pursued Mark, ‘he came from I-don’t-know-where-and-all, down to + New York here, to meet his wife and children; and they started off again + in a steamboat this blessed afternoon, as happy to be along with each + other as if they were going to Heaven. I should think they was, pretty + straight, if I may judge from the poor man’s looks.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And may I ask,’ said Martin, glancing, but not with any displeasure, from + Mark to the negro, ‘who this gentleman is? Another friend of yours?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why sir,’ returned Mark, taking him aside, and speaking confidentially in + his ear, ‘he’s a man of colour, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you take me for a blind man,’ asked Martin, somewhat impatiently, + ‘that you think it necessary to tell me that, when his face is the + blackest that ever was seen?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no; when I say a man of colour,’ returned Mark, ‘I mean that he’s + been one of them as there’s picters of in the shops. A man and a brother, + you know, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, favouring his master with a significant + indication of the figure so often represented in tracts and cheap prints. + </p> + <p> + ‘A slave!’ cried Martin, in a whisper. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mark in the same tone. ‘Nothing else. A slave. Why, when that + there man was young—don’t look at him while I’m a-telling it—he + was shot in the leg; gashed in the arm; scored in his live limbs, like + crimped fish; beaten out of shape; had his neck galled with an iron + collar, and wore iron rings upon his wrists and ankles. The marks are on + him to this day. When I was having my dinner just now, he stripped off his + coat, and took away my appetite.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is <i>this </i>true?’ asked Martin of his friend, who stood beside them. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have no reason to doubt it,’ he answered, shaking his head ‘It very + often is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless you,’ said Mark, ‘I know it is, from hearing his whole story. That + master died; so did his second master from having his head cut open with a + hatchet by another slave, who, when he’d done it, went and drowned + himself; then he got a better one; in years and years he saved up a little + money, and bought his freedom, which he got pretty cheap at last, on + account of his strength being nearly gone, and he being ill. Then he come + here. And now he’s a-saving up to treat himself, afore he dies, to one + small purchase—it’s nothing to speak of. Only his own daughter; + that’s all!’ cried Mr Tapley, becoming excited. ‘Liberty for ever! Hurrah! + Hail, Columbia!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush!’ cried Martin, clapping his hand upon his mouth; ‘and don’t be an + idiot. What is he doing here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Waiting to take our luggage off upon a truck,’ said Mark. ‘He’d have come + for it by-and-bye, but I engaged him for a very reasonable charge (out of + my own pocket) to sit along with me and make me jolly; and I am jolly; and + if I was rich enough to contract with him to wait upon me once a day, to + be looked at, I’d never be anything else.’ + </p> + <p> + The fact may cause a solemn impeachment of Mark’s veracity, but it must be + admitted nevertheless, that there was that in his face and manner at the + moment, which militated strongly against this emphatic declaration of his + state of mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord love you, sir,’ he added, ‘they’re so fond of Liberty in this part + of the globe, that they buy her and sell her and carry her to market with + ‘em. They’ve such a passion for Liberty, that they can’t help taking + liberties with her. That’s what it’s owing to.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well,’ said Martin, wishing to change the theme. ‘Having come to + that conclusion, Mark, perhaps you’ll attend to me. The place to which the + luggage is to go is printed on this card. Mrs Pawkins’s Boarding House.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Pawkins’s boarding-house,’ repeated Mark. ‘Now, Cicero.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is that his name?’ asked Martin + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s his name, sir,’ rejoined Mark. And the negro grinning assent from + under a leathern portmanteau, than which his own face was many shades + deeper, hobbled downstairs with his portion of their worldly goods; Mark + Tapley having already gone before with his share. + </p> + <p> + Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were about to + pursue their walk, when the latter stopped, and asked, with some + hesitation, whether that young man was to be trusted? + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark! oh certainly! with anything.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t understand me—I think he had better go with us. He is an + honest fellow, and speaks his mind so very plainly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, the fact is,’ said Martin, smiling, ‘that being unaccustomed to a + free republic, he is used to do so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think he had better go with us,’ returned the other. ‘He may get into + some trouble otherwise. This is not a slave State; but I am ashamed to say + that a spirit of Tolerance is not so common anywhere in these latitudes as + the form. We are not remarkable for behaving very temperately to each + other when we differ; but to strangers! no, I really think he had better + go with us.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin called to him immediately to be of their party; so Cicero and the + truck went one way, and they three went another. + </p> + <p> + They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from the best + points of view, and pausing in the principal streets, and before such + public buildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then coming on apace, + Martin proposed that they should adjourn to Mrs Pawkins’s establishment + for coffee; but in this he was overruled by his new acquaintance, who + seemed to have set his heart on carrying him, though it were only for an + hour, to the house of a friend of his who lived hard by. Feeling (however + disinclined he was, being weary) that it would be in bad taste, and not + very gracious, to object that he was unintroduced, when this open-hearted + gentleman was so ready to be his sponsor, Martin—for once in his + life, at all events—sacrificed his own will and pleasure to the + wishes of another, and consented with a fair grace. So travelling had done + him that much good, already. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bevan knocked at the door of a very neat house of moderate size, from + the parlour windows of which, lights were shining brightly into the now + dark street. It was quickly opened by a man with such a thoroughly Irish + face, that it seemed as if he ought, as a matter of right and principle, + to be in rags, and could have no sort of business to be looking cheerfully + at anybody out of a whole suit of clothes. + </p> + <p> + Commending Mark to the care of this phenomenon—for such he may be + said to have been in Martin’s eyes—Mr Bevan led the way into the + room which had shed its cheerfulness upon the street, to whose occupants + he introduced Mr Chuzzlewit as a gentleman from England, whose + acquaintance he had recently had the pleasure to make. They gave him + welcome in all courtesy and politeness; and in less than five minutes’ + time he found himself sitting very much at his ease by the fireside, and + becoming vastly well acquainted with the whole family. + </p> + <p> + There were two young ladies—one eighteen; the other twenty—both + very slender, but very pretty; their mother, who looked, as Martin thought + much older and more faded than she ought to have looked; and their + grandmother, a little sharp-eyed, quick old woman, who seemed to have got + past that stage, and to have come all right again. Besides these, there + were the young ladies’ father, and the young ladies’ brother; the first + engaged in mercantile affairs; the second, a student at college; both, in + a certain cordiality of manner, like his own friend, and not unlike him in + face. Which was no great wonder, for it soon appeared that he was their + near relation. Martin could not help tracing the family pedigree from the + two young ladies, because they were foremost in his thoughts; not only + from being, as aforesaid, very pretty, but by reason of their wearing + miraculously small shoes, and the thinnest possible silk stockings; the + which their rocking-chairs developed to a distracting extent. + </p> + <p> + There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance to be + sitting in a snug, well-furnished room, warmed by a cheerful fire, and + full of various pleasant decorations, including four small shoes, and the + like amount of silk stockings, and—yes, why not?—the feet and + legs therein enshrined. And there is no doubt that Martin was monstrous + well-disposed to regard his position in that light, after his recent + experience of the Screw, and of Mrs Pawkins’s boarding-house. The + consequence was that he made himself very agreeable indeed; and by the + time the tea and coffee arrived (with sweet preserves, and cunning + tea-cakes in its train), was in a highly genial state, and much esteemed + by the whole family. + </p> + <p> + Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of tea was + drunk. The whole family had been in England. There was a pleasant thing! + But Martin was not quite so glad of this, when he found that they knew all + the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, knights, and + baronets, quite affectionately, and were beyond everything interested in + the least particular concerning them. However, when they asked, after the + wearer of this or that coronet, and said, ‘Was he quite well?’ Martin + answered, ‘Yes, oh yes. Never better;’ and when they said, ‘his lordship’s + mother, the duchess, was she much changed?’ Martin said, ‘Oh dear no, they + would know her anywhere, if they saw her to-morrow;’ and so got on pretty + well. In like manner when the young ladies questioned him touching the + Gold Fish in that Grecian fountain in such and such a nobleman’s + conservatory, and whether there were as many as there used to be, he + gravely reported, after mature consideration, that there must be at least + twice as many; and as to the exotics, ‘Oh! well! it was of no use talking + about <i>them</i>; they must be seen to be believed;’ which improved state of + circumstances reminded the family of the splendour of that brilliant + festival (comprehending the whole British Peerage and Court Calendar) to + which they were specially invited, and which indeed had been partly given + in their honour; and recollections of what Mr Norris the father had said + to the marquess, and of what Mrs Norris the mother had said to the + marchioness, and of what the marquess and marchioness had both said, when + they said that upon their words and honours they wished Mr Norris the + father and Mrs Norris the mother, and the Misses Norris the daughters, and + Mr Norris Junior, the son, would only take up their permanent residence in + England, and give them the pleasure of their everlasting friendship, + occupied a very considerable time. + </p> + <p> + Martin thought it rather stange, and in some sort inconsistent, that + during the whole of these narrations, and in the very meridian of their + enjoyment thereof, both Mr Norris the father, and Mr Norris Junior, the + son (who corresponded, every post, with four members of the English + Peerage), enlarged upon the inestimable advantage of having no such + arbitrary distinctions in that enlightened land, where there were no + noblemen but nature’s noblemen, and where all society was based on one + broad level of brotherly love and natural equality. Indeed, Mr Norris the + father gradually expanding into an oration on this swelling theme, was + becoming tedious, when Mr Bevan diverted his thoughts by happening to make + some causal inquiry relative to the occupier of the next house; in reply + to which, this same Mr Norris the father observed, that ‘that person + entertained religious opinions of which he couldn’t approve; and therefore + he hadn’t the honour of knowing the gentleman.’ Mrs Norris the mother + added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying in words; + to wit, that she believed the people were well enough in their way, but + they were not genteel. + </p> + <p> + Another little trait came out, which impressed itself on Martin forcibly. + Mr Bevan told them about Mark and the negro, and then it appeared that all + the Norrises were abolitionists. It was a great relief to hear this, and + Martin was so much encouraged on finding himself in such company, that he + expressed his sympathy with the oppressed and wretched blacks. Now, one of + the young ladies—the prettiest and most delicate—was mightily + amused at the earnestness with which he spoke; and on his craving leave to + ask her why, was quite unable for a time to speak for laughing. As soon + however as she could, she told him that the negroes were such a funny + people, so excessively ludicrous in their manners and appearance, that it + was wholly impossible for those who knew them well, to associate any + serious ideas with such a very absurd part of the creation. Mr Norris the + father, and Mrs Norris the mother, and Miss Norris the sister, and Mr + Norris Junior the brother, and even Mrs Norris Senior the grandmother, + were all of this opinion, and laid it down as an absolute matter of fact—as + if there were nothing in suffering and slavery, grim enough to cast a + solemn air on any human animal; though it were as ridiculous, physically, + as the most grotesque of apes, or morally, as the mildest Nimrod among + tuft-hunting republicans! + </p> + <p> + ‘In short,’ said Mr Norris the father, settling the question comfortably, + ‘there is a natural antipathy between the races.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Extending,’ said Martin’s friend, in a low voice, ‘to the cruellest of + tortures, and the bargain and sale of unborn generations.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Norris the son said nothing, but he made a wry face, and dusted his + fingers as Hamlet might after getting rid of Yorick’s skull; just as + though he had that moment touched a negro, and some of the black had come + off upon his hands. + </p> + <p> + In order that their talk might fall again into its former pleasant + channel, Martin dropped the subject, with a shrewd suspicion that it would + be a dangerous theme to revive under the best of circumstances; and again + addressed himself to the young ladies, who were very gorgeously attired in + very beautiful colours, and had every article of dress on the same + extensive scale as the little shoes and the thin silk stockings. This + suggested to him that they were great proficients in the French fashions, + which soon turned out to be the case, for though their information + appeared to be none of the newest, it was very extensive; and the eldest + sister in particular, who was distinguished by a talent for metaphysics, + the laws of hydraulic pressure, and the rights of human kind, had a novel + way of combining these acquirements and bringing them to bear on any + subject from Millinery to the Millennium, both inclusive, which was at + once improving and remarkable; so much so, in short, that it was usually + observed to reduce foreigners to a state of temporary insanity in five + minutes. + </p> + <p> + Martin felt his reason going; and as a means of saving himself, besought + the other sister (seeing a piano in the room) to sing. With this request + she willingly complied; and a bravura concert, solely sustained by the + Misses Noriss, presently began. They sang in all languages—except + their own. German, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Swiss; but + nothing native; nothing so low as native. For, in this respect, languages + are like many other travellers—ordinary and commonplace enough at + home, but ‘specially genteel abroad. + </p> + <p> + There is little doubt that in course of time the Misses Norris would have + come to Hebrew, if they had not been interrupted by an announcement from + the Irishman, who, flinging open the door, cried in a loud voice— + </p> + <p> + ‘Jiniral Fladdock!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My!’ cried the sisters, desisting suddenly. ‘The general come back!’ + </p> + <p> + As they made the exclamation, the general, attired in full uniform for a + ball, came darting in with such precipitancy that, hitching his boot in + the carpet, and getting his sword between his legs, he came down headlong, + and presented a curious little bald place on the crown of his head to the + eyes of the astonished company. Nor was this the worst of it; for being + rather corpulent and very tight, the general being down, could not get up + again, but lay there writhing and doing such things with his boots, as + there is no other instance of in military history. + </p> + <p> + Of course there was an immediate rush to his assistance; and the general + was promptly raised. But his uniform was so fearfully and wonderfully + made, that he came up stiff and without a bend in him like a dead Clown, + and had no command whatever of himself until he was put quite flat upon + the soles of his feet, when he became animated as by a miracle, and moving + edgewise that he might go in a narrower compass and be in less danger of + fraying the gold lace on his epaulettes by brushing them against anything, + advanced with a smiling visage to salute the lady of the house. + </p> + <p> + To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify purer + delight and joy than at this unlooked-for appearance of General Fladdock! + The general was as warmly received as if New York had been in a state of + siege and no other general was to be got for love or money. He shook hands + with the Norrises three times all round, and then reviewed them from a + little distance as a brave commander might, with his ample cloak drawn + forward over the right shoulder and thrown back upon the left side to + reveal his manly breast. + </p> + <p> + ‘And do I then,’ cried the general, ‘once again behold the choicest + spirits of my country!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Mr Norris the father. ‘Here we are, general.’ + </p> + <p> + Then all the Norrises pressed round the general, inquiring how and where + he had been since the date of his letter, and how he had enjoyed himself + in foreign parts, and particularly and above all, to what extent he had + become acquainted with the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, + duchesses, knights, and baronets, in whom the people of those benighted + countries had delight. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, then, don’t ask me,’ said the general, holding up his hand. ‘I was + among ‘em all the time, and have got public journals in my trunk with my + name printed’—he lowered his voice and was very impressive here—‘among + the fashionable news. But, oh, the conventionalities of that a-mazing + Europe!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy shake, and + looking towards Martin as though he would say, ‘I can’t deny it, sir. I + would if I could.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The limited diffusion of a moral sense in that country!’ exclaimed the + general. ‘The absence of a moral dignity in man!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ sighed all the Norrises, quite overwhelmed with despondency. + </p> + <p> + ‘I couldn’t have realised it,’ pursued the general, ‘without being located + on the spot. Norris, your imagination is the imagination of a strong man, + but <i>you </i>couldn’t have realised it, without being located on the spot!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never,’ said Mr Norris. + </p> + <p> + ‘The ex-clusiveness, the pride, the form, the ceremony,’ exclaimed the + general, emphasizing the article more vigorously at every repetition. ‘The + artificial barriers set up between man and man; the division of the human + race into court cards and plain cards, of every denomination—into + clubs, diamonds, spades—anything but heart!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried the whole family. ‘Too true, general!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But stay!’ cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. ‘Surely you + crossed in the Screw, general?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! so I did,’ was the reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Possible!’ cried the young ladies. ‘Only think!’ + </p> + <p> + The general seemed at a loss to understand why his having come home in the + Screw should occasion such a sensation, nor did he seem at all clearer on + the subject when Mr Norris, introducing him to Martin, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘A fellow-passenger of yours, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of mine?’ exclaimed the general; ‘No!’ + </p> + <p> + He had never seen Martin, but Martin had seen him, and recognized him, now + that they stood face to face, as the gentleman who had stuck his hands in + his pockets towards the end of the voyage, and walked the deck with his + nostrils dilated. + </p> + <p> + Everybody looked at Martin. There was no help for it. The truth must out. + </p> + <p> + ‘I came over in the same ship as the general,’ said Martin, ‘but not in + the same cabin. It being necessary for me to observe strict economy, I + took my passage in the steerage.’ + </p> + <p> + If the general had been carried up bodily to a loaded cannon, and required + to let it off that moment, he could not have been in a state of greater + consternation than when he heard these words. He, Fladdock—Fladdock + in full militia uniform, Fladdock the General, Fladdock, the caressed of + foreign noblemen—expected to know a fellow who had come over in the + steerage of line-of-packet ship, at the cost of four pound ten! And + meeting that fellow in the very sanctuary of New York fashion, and + nestling in the bosom of the New York aristocracy! He almost laid his hand + upon his sword. + </p> + <p> + A death-like stillness fell upon the Norisses. If this story should get + wind, their country relation had, by his imprudence, for ever disgraced + them. They were the bright particular stars of an exalted New York sphere. + There were other fashionable spheres above them, and other fashionable + spheres below, and none of the stars in any one of these spheres had + anything to say to the stars in any other of these spheres. But, through + all the spheres it would go forth that the Norrises, deceived by + gentlemanly manners and appearances, had, falling from their high estate, + ‘received’ a dollarless and unknown man. O guardian eagle of the pure + Republic, had they lived for this! + </p> + <p> + ‘You will allow me,’ said Martin, after a terrible silence, ‘to take my + leave. I feel that I am the cause of at least as much embarrassment here, + as I have brought upon myself. But I am bound, before I go, to exonerate + this gentleman, who, in introducing me to such society, was quite ignorant + of my unworthiness, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + With that he made his bow to the Norrises, and walked out like a man of + snow; very cool externally, but pretty hot within. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, come,’ said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on the + assembled circle as Martin closed the door, ‘the young man has this night + beheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy magnificence of social + decoration, to which he is a stranger in his own country. Let us hope it + may awake a moral sense within him.’ + </p> + <p> + If that peculiarly transatlantic article, a moral sense—for, if + native statesmen, orators, and pamphleteers, are to be believed, America + quite monopolises the commodity—if that peculiarly transatlantic + article be supposed to include a benevolent love of all mankind, certainly + Martin’s would have borne, just then, a deal of waking. As he strode along + the street, with Mark at his heels, his immoral sense was in active + operation; prompting him to the utterance of some rather sanguinary + remarks, which it was well for his own credit that nobody overheard. He + had so far cooled down, however, that he had begun to laugh at the + recollection of these incidents, when he heard another step behind him, + and turning round encountered his friend Bevan, quite out of breath. + </p> + <p> + He drew his arm through Martin’s, and entreating him to walk slowly, was + silent for some minutes. At length he said: + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope you exonerate me in another sense?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you mean?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope you acquit me of intending or foreseeing the termination of our + visit. But I scarcely need ask you that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Scarcely indeed,’ said Martin. ‘I am the more beholden to you for your + kindness, when I find what kind of stuff the good citizens here are made + of.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I reckon,’ his friend returned, ‘that they are made of pretty much the + same stuff as other folks, if they would but own it, and not set up on + false pretences.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In good faith, that’s true,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I dare say,’ resumed his friend, ‘you might have such a scene as that in + an English comedy, and not detect any gross improbability or anomaly in + the matter of it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Doubtless it is more ridiculous here than anywhere else,’ said his + companion; ‘but our professions are to blame for that. So far as I myself + am concerned, I may add that I was perfectly aware from the first that you + came over in the steerage, for I had seen the list of passengers, and knew + it did not comprise your name.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I feel more obliged to you than before,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Norris is a very good fellow in his way,’ observed Mr Bevan. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he?’ said Martin drily. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes! there are a hundred good points about him. If you or anybody else + addressed him as another order of being, and sued to him <i>In Forma + Pauperis</i>, he would be all kindness and consideration.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I needn’t have travelled three thousand miles from home to find such a + character as <i>that</i>,’ said Martin. Neither he nor his friend said anything + more on the way back; each appearing to find sufficient occupation in his + own thoughts. + </p> + <p> + The tea, or the supper, or whatever else they called the evening meal, was + over when they reached the Major’s; but the cloth, ornamented with a few + additional smears and stains, was still upon the table. At one end of the + board Mrs Jefferson Brick and two other ladies were drinking tea; out of + the ordinary course, evidently, for they were bonneted and shawled, and + seemed to have just come home. By the light of three flaring candles of + different lengths, in as many candlesticks of different patterns, the room + showed to almost as little advantage as in broad day. + </p> + <p> + These ladies were all three talking together in a very loud tone when + Martin and his friend entered; but seeing those gentlemen, they stopped + directly, and became excessively genteel, not to say frosty. As they went + on to exchange some few remarks in whispers, the very water in the teapot + might have fallen twenty degrees in temperature beneath their chilling + coldness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you been to meeting, Mrs Brick?’ asked Martin’s friend, with + something of a roguish twinkle in his eye. + </p> + <p> + ‘To lecture, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon. I forgot. You don’t go to meeting, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + Here the lady on the right of Mrs Brick gave a pious cough as much as to + say ‘I do!’—as, indeed, she did nearly every night in the week. + </p> + <p> + ‘A good discourse, ma’am?’ asked Mr Bevan, addressing this lady. + </p> + <p> + The lady raised her eyes in a pious manner, and answered ‘Yes.’ She had + been much comforted by some good, strong, peppery doctrine, which + satisfactorily disposed of all her friends and acquaintances, and quite + settled their business. Her bonnet, too, had far outshone every bonnet in + the congregation; so she was tranquil on all accounts. + </p> + <p> + ‘What course of lectures are you attending now, ma’am?’ said Martin’s + friend, turning again to Mrs Brick. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Philosophy of the Soul, on Wednesdays.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘On Mondays?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Philosophy of Crime.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘On Fridays?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Philosophy of Vegetables.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my dear,’ + observed the third lady. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mrs Brick. ‘That’s Tuesdays.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it is!’ cried the lady. ‘The Philosophy of Matter on Thursdays, of + course.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You see, Mr Chuzzlewit, our ladies are fully employed,’ said Bevan. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed you have reason to say so,’ answered Martin. ‘Between these very + grave pursuits abroad, and family duties at home, their time must be + pretty well engrossed.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded him with no very + great favour, though what he had done to deserve the disdainful expression + which appeared in their faces he was at a loss to divine. But on their + going upstairs to their bedrooms—which they very soon did—Mr + Bevan informed him that domestic drudgery was far beneath the exalted + range of these Philosophers, and that the chances were a hundred to one + that not one of the three could perform the easiest woman’s work for + herself, or make the simplest article of dress for any of her children. + </p> + <p> + ‘Though whether they might not be better employed with such blunt + instruments as knitting-needles than with these edge-tools,’ he said, ‘is + another question; but I can answer for one thing—they don’t often + cut themselves. Devotions and lectures are our balls and concerts. They go + to these places of resort, as an escape from monotony; look at each + other’s clothes; and come home again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When you say “home,” do you mean a house like this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very often. But I see you are tired to death, and will wish you good + night. We will discuss your projects in the morning. You cannot but feel + already that it is useless staying here, with any hope of advancing them. + You will have to go further.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And to fare worse?’ said Martin, pursuing the old adage. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I hope not. But sufficient for the day, you know—good night’ + </p> + <p> + They shook hands heartily and separated. As soon as Martin was left alone, + the excitement of novelty and change which had sustained him through all + the fatigues of the day, departed; and he felt so thoroughly dejected and + worn out, that he even lacked the energy to crawl upstairs to bed. + </p> + <p> + In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his hopes and + sanguine plans! New and strange as he was to the ground on which he stood, + and to the air he breathed, he could not—recalling all that he had + crowded into that one day—but entertain a strong misgiving that his + enterprise was doomed. Rash and ill-considered as it had often looked on + shipboard, but had never seemed on shore, it wore a dismal aspect, now, + that frightened him. Whatever thoughts he called up to his aid, they came + upon him in depressing and discouraging shapes, and gave him no relief. + Even the diamonds on his finger sparkled with the brightness of tears, and + had no ray of hope in all their brilliant lustre. + </p> + <p> + He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of the + boarders who dropped in one by one from their stores and counting-houses, + or the neighbouring bar-rooms, and, after taking long pulls from a great + white waterjug upon the sideboard, and lingering with a kind of hideous + fascination near the brass spittoons, lounged heavily to bed; until at + length Mark Tapley came and shook him by the arm, supposing him asleep. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark!’ he cried, starting. + </p> + <p> + ‘All right, sir,’ said that cheerful follower, snuffing with his fingers + the candle he bore. ‘It ain’t a very large bed, your’n, sir; and a man as + wasn’t thirsty might drink, afore breakfast, all the water you’ve got to + wash in, and afterwards eat the towel. But you’ll sleep without rocking + to-night, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I feel as if the house were on the sea’ said Martin, staggering when he + rose; ‘and am utterly wretched.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m as jolly as a sandboy, myself, sir,’ said Mark. ‘But, Lord, I have + reason to be! I ought to have been born here; that’s my opinion. Take care + how you go’—for they were now ascending the stairs. ‘You recollect + the gentleman aboard the Screw as had the very small trunk, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The valise? Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir, there’s been a delivery of clean clothes from the wash + to-night, and they’re put outside the bedroom doors here. If you take + notice as we go up, what a very few shirts there are, and what a many + fronts, you’ll penetrate the mystery of his packing.’ + </p> + <p> + But Martin was too weary and despondent to take heed of anything, so had + no interest in this discovery. Mr Tapley, nothing dashed by his + indifference, conducted him to the top of the house, and into the + bed-chamber prepared for his reception; which was a very little narrow + room, with half a window in it; a bedstead like a chest without a lid; two + chairs; a piece of carpet, such as shoes are commonly tried upon at a + ready-made establishment in England; a little looking-glass nailed against + the wall; and a washing-table, with a jug and ewer, that might have been + mistaken for a milk-pot and slop-basin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose they polish themselves with a dry cloth in this country,’ said + Mark. ‘They’ve certainly got a touch of the ‘phoby, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish you would pull off my boots for me,’ said Martin, dropping into + one of the chairs ‘I am quite knocked up—dead beat, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t say that to-morrow morning, sir,’ returned Mr Tapley; ‘nor even + to-night, sir, when you’ve made a trial of this.’ With which he produced a + very large tumbler, piled up to the brim with little blocks of clear + transparent ice, through which one or two thin slices of lemon, and a + golden liquid of delicious appearance, appealed from the still depths + below, to the loving eye of the spectator. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you call this?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + But Mr Tapley made no answer; merely plunging a reed into the mixture—which + caused a pleasant commotion among the pieces of ice—and signifying + by an expressive gesture that it was to be pumped up through that agency + by the enraptured drinker. + </p> + <p> + Martin took the glass with an astonished look; applied his lips to the + reed; and cast up his eyes once in ecstasy. He paused no more until the + goblet was drained to the last drop. + </p> + <p> + ‘There, sir!’ said Mark, taking it from him with a triumphant face; ‘if + ever you should happen to be dead beat again, when I ain’t in the way, all + you’ve got to do is to ask the nearest man to go and fetch a cobbler.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To go and fetch a cobbler?’ repeated Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘This wonderful invention, sir,’ said Mark, tenderly patting the empty + glass, ‘is called a cobbler. Sherry cobbler when you name it long; + cobbler, when you name it short. Now you’re equal to having your boots + took off, and are, in every particular worth mentioning, another man.’ + </p> + <p> + Having delivered himself of this solemn preface, he brought the bootjack. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind! I am not going to relapse, Mark,’ said Martin; ‘but, good Heaven, + if we should be left in some wild part of this country without goods or + money!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ replied the imperturbable Tapley; ‘from what we’ve seen + already, I don’t know whether, under those circumstances, we shouldn’t do + better in the wild parts than in the tame ones.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Tom Pinch, Tom Pinch!’ said Martin, in a thoughtful tone; ‘what would + I give to be again beside you, and able to hear your voice, though it were + even in the old bedroom at Pecksniff’s!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Dragon, Dragon!’ echoed Mark, cheerfully, ‘if there warn’t any water + between you and me, and nothing faint-hearted-like in going back, I don’t + know that I mightn’t say the same. But here am I, Dragon, in New York, + America; and there are you in Wiltshire, Europe; and there’s a fortune to + make, Dragon, and a beautiful young lady to make it for; and whenever you + go to see the Monument, Dragon, you mustn’t give in on the doorsteps, or + you’ll never get up to the top!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wisely said, Mark,’ cried Martin. ‘We must look forward.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In all the story-books as ever I read, sir, the people as looked backward + was turned into stones,’ replied Mark; ‘and my opinion always was, that + they brought it on themselves, and it served ‘em right. I wish you good + night, sir, and pleasant dreams!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They must be of home, then,’ said Martin, as he lay down in bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘So I say, too,’ whispered Mark Tapley, when he was out of hearing and in + his own room; ‘for if there don’t come a time afore we’re well out of + this, when there’ll be a little more credit in keeping up one’s jollity, + I’m a United Statesman!’ + </p> + <p> + Leaving them to blend and mingle in their sleep the shadows of objects + afar off, as they take fantastic shapes upon the wall in the dim light of + thought without control, be it the part of this slight chronicle—a + dream within a dream—as rapidly to change the scene, and cross the + ocean to the English shore. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER EIGHTEEN + </h2> + <p> + DOES BUSINESS WITH THE HOUSE OF ANTHONY CHUZZLEWIT AND SON, FROM WHICH ONE + OF THE PARTNERS RETIRES UNEXPECTEDLY + </p> + <p> + Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man habituated to a + narrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which he seldom travels, step + beyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure from the + monotonous scene on which he has been an actor of importance, would seem + to be the signal for instant confusion. As if, in the gap he had left, the + wedge of change were driven to the head, rending what was a solid mass to + fragments, things cemented and held together by the usages of years, burst + asunder in as many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly dug beneath + familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what was rock before, + becomes but sand and dust. + </p> + <p> + Most men, at one time or other, have proved this in some degree. The + extent to which the natural laws of change asserted their supremacy in + that limited sphere of action which Martin had deserted, shall be + faithfully set down in these pages. + </p> + <p> + ‘What a cold spring it is!’ whimpered old Anthony, drawing near the + evening fire, ‘It was a warmer season, sure, when I was young!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You needn’t go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or not,’ + observed the amiable Jonas, raising his eyes from yesterday’s newspaper, + ‘Broadcloth ain’t so cheap as that comes to.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A good lad!’ cried the father, breathing on his cold hands, and feebly + chafing them against each other. ‘A prudent lad! He never delivered + himself up to the vanities of dress. No, no!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know but I would, though, mind you, if I could do it for + nothing,’ said his son, as he resumed the paper. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ chuckled the old man. ‘<i>if</i>, indeed!—But it’s very cold.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let the fire be!’ cried Mr Jonas, stopping his honoured parent’s hand in + the use of the poker. ‘Do you mean to come to want in your old age, that + you take to wasting now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s not time for that, Jonas,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not time for what?’ bawled his heir. + </p> + <p> + ‘For me to come to want. I wish there was!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You always were as selfish an old blade as need be,’ said Jonas in a + voice too low for him to hear, and looking at him with an angry frown. + ‘You act up to your character. You wouldn’t mind coming to want, wouldn’t + you! I dare say you wouldn’t. And your own flesh and blood might come to + want too, might they, for anything you cared? Oh you precious old flint!’ + </p> + <p> + After this dutiful address he took his tea-cup in his hand—for that + meal was in progress, and the father and son and Chuffey were partakers of + it. Then, looking steadfastly at his father, and stopping now and then to + carry a spoonful of tea to his lips, he proceeded in the same tone, thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘Want, indeed! You’re a nice old man to be talking of want at this time of + day. Beginning to talk of want, are you? Well, I declare! There isn’t + time? No, I should hope not. But you’d live to be a couple of hundred if + you could; and after all be discontented. I know you!’ + </p> + <p> + The old man sighed, and still sat cowering before the fire. Mr Jonas shook + his Britannia-metal teaspoon at him, and taking a loftier position, went + on to argue the point on high moral grounds. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you’re in such a state of mind as that,’ he grumbled, but in the same + subdued key, ‘why don’t you make over your property? Buy an annuity cheap, + and make your life interesting to yourself and everybody else that watches + the speculation. But no, that wouldn’t suit <i>you</i>. That would be natural + conduct to your own son, and you like to be unnatural, and to keep him out + of his rights. Why, I should be ashamed of myself if I was you, and glad + to hide my head in the what you may call it.’ + </p> + <p> + Possibly this general phrase supplied the place of grave, or tomb, or + sepulchre, or cemetery, or mausoleum, or other such word which the filial + tenderness of Mr Jonas made him delicate of pronouncing. He pursued the + theme no further; for Chuffey, somehow discovering, from his old corner by + the fireside, that Anthony was in the attitude of a listener, and that + Jonas appeared to be speaking, suddenly cried out, like one inspired: + </p> + <p> + ‘He is your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit. Your own son, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words had, or + that, in the bitter satire which they bore, they might have sunk into the + old man’s very soul, could he have known what words here hanging on his + own son’s lips, or what was passing in his thoughts. But the voice + diverted the current of Anthony’s reflections, and roused him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes, Chuffey, Jonas is a chip of the old block. It is a very old + block, now, Chuffey,’ said the old man, with a strange look of + discomposure. + </p> + <p> + ‘Precious old,’ assented Jonas + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, no,’ said Chuffey. ‘No, Mr Chuzzlewit. Not old at all, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! He’s worse than ever, you know!’ cried Jonas, quite disgusted. ‘Upon + my soul, father, he’s getting too bad. Hold your tongue, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He says you’re wrong!’ cried Anthony to the old clerk. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut!’ was Chuffey’s answer. ‘I know better. I say <i>he’s</i> wrong. I say + <i>he’s</i> wrong. He’s a boy. That’s what he is. So are you, Mr Chuzzlewit—a + kind of boy. Ha! ha! ha! You’re quite a boy to many I have known; you’re a + boy to me; you’re a boy to hundreds of us. Don’t mind him!’ + </p> + <p> + With which extraordinary speech—for in the case of Chuffey this was + a burst of eloquence without a parallel—the poor old shadow drew + through his palsied arm his master’s hand, and held it there, with his own + folded upon it, as if he would defend him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I grow deafer every day, Chuff,’ said Anthony, with as much softness of + manner, or, to describe it more correctly, with as little hardness as he + was capable of expressing. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ cried Chuffey. ‘No, you don’t. What if you did? I’ve been deaf + this twenty year.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I grow blinder, too,’ said the old man, shaking his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s a good sign!’ cried Chuffey. ‘Ha! ha! The best sign in the world! + You saw too well before.’ + </p> + <p> + He patted Anthony upon the hand as one might comfort a child, and drawing + the old man’s arm still further through his own, shook his trembling + fingers towards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he would wave him off. + But, Anthony remaining quite still and silent, he relaxed his hold by slow + degrees and lapsed into his usual niche in the corner; merely putting + forth his hand at intervals and touching his old employer gently on the + coat, as with the design of assuring himself that he was yet beside him. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas was so very much amazed by these proceedings that he could do + nothing but stare at the two old men, until Chuffey had fallen into his + usual state, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave some vent to + his emotions by going close up to the former personage, and making as + though he would, in vulgar parlance, ‘punch his head.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They’ve been carrying on this game,’ thought Jonas in a brown study, ‘for + the last two or three weeks. I never saw my father take so much notice of + him as he has in that time. What! You’re legacy hunting, are you, Mister + Chuff? Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + But Chuffey was as little conscious of the thought as of the bodily + advance of Mr Jonas’s clenched fist, which hovered fondly about his ear. + When he had scowled at him to his heart’s content, Jonas took the candle + from the table, and walking into the glass office, produced a bunch of + keys from his pocket. With one of these he opened a secret drawer in the + desk; peeping stealthily out, as he did so, to be certain that the two old + men were still before the fire. + </p> + <p> + ‘All as right as ever,’ said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk open with + his forehead, and unfolding a paper. ‘Here’s the will, Mister Chuff. + Thirty pound a year for your maintenance, old boy, and all the rest to his + only son, Jonas. You needn’t trouble yourself to be too affectionate. You + won’t get anything by it. What’s that?’ + </p> + <p> + It <i>was </i>startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass + partition looking curiously in; and not at him but at the paper in his + hand. For the eyes were attentively cast down upon the writing, and were + swiftly raised when he cried out. Then they met his own, and were as the + eyes of Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + Suffering the lid of the desk to fall with a loud noise, but not + forgetting even then to lock it, Jonas, pale and breathless, gazed upon + this phantom. It moved, opened the door, and walked in. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter?’ cried Jonas, falling back. ‘Who is it? Where do you + come from? What do you want?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Matter!’ cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh + smiled amiably upon him. ‘The matter, Mr Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you prying and peering about here for?’ said Jonas, angrily. + ‘What do you mean by coming up to town in this way, and taking one + unawares? It’s precious odd a man can’t read the—the newspaper—in + his own office without being startled out of his wits by people coming in + without notice. Why didn’t you knock at the door?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So I did, Mr Jonas,’ answered Pecksniff, ‘but no one heard me. I was + curious,’ he added in his gentle way as he laid his hand upon the young + man’s shoulder, ‘to find out what part of the newspaper interested you so + much; but the glass was too dim and dirty.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas glanced in haste at the partition. Well. It wasn’t very clean. So + far he spoke the truth. + </p> + <p> + ‘Was it poetry now?’ said Mr Pecksniff, shaking the forefinger of his + right hand with an air of cheerful banter. ‘Or was it politics? Or was it + the price of stock? The main chance, Mr Jonas, the main chance, I + suspect.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You ain’t far from the truth,’ answered Jonas, recovering himself and + snuffing the candle; ‘but how the deuce do you come to be in London again? + Ecod! it’s enough to make a man stare, to see a fellow looking at him all + of a sudden, who he thought was sixty or seventy mile away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it is,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘No doubt of it, my dear Mr Jonas. For + while the human mind is constituted as it is—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, bother the human mind,’ interrupted Jonas with impatience ‘what have + you come up for?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A little matter of business,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘which has arisen quite + unexpectedly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried Jonas, ‘is that all? Well. Here’s father in the next room. + Hallo father, here’s Pecksniff! He gets more addle-pated every day he + lives, I do believe,’ muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent roundly. + ‘Don’t I tell you Pecksniff’s here, stupid-head?’ + </p> + <p> + The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance soon + awoke the old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which was + attributable in part to his being glad to see that gentleman, and in part + to his unfading delight in the recollection of having called him a + hypocrite. As Mr Pecksniff had not yet taken tea (indeed he had, but an + hour before, arrived in London) the remains of the late collation, with a + rasher of bacon, were served up for his entertainment; and as Mr Jonas had + a business appointment in the next street, he stepped out to keep it; + promising to return before Mr Pecksniff could finish his repast. + </p> + <p> + ‘And now, my good sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff to Anthony; ‘now that we are + alone, pray tell me what I can do for you. I say alone, because I believe + that our dear friend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking, a—shall + I say a dummy?’ asked Mr Pecksniff with his sweetest smile, and his head + very much on one side. + </p> + <p> + ‘He neither hears us,’ replied Anthony, ‘nor sees us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I will be bold to say, with the utmost + sympathy for his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of those + excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to his heart, + that he is what is playfully termed a dummy. You were going to observe, my + dear sir—?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was not going to make any observation that I know of,’ replied the old + man. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was,’ said Mr Pecksniff, mildly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! <i>you </i>were? What was it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That I never,’ said Mr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the door + was shut, and arranging his chair when he came back, so that it could not + be opened in the least without his immediately becoming aware of the + circumstance; ‘that I never in my life was so astonished as by the receipt + of your letter yesterday. That you should do me the honour to wish to take + counsel with me on any matter, amazed me; but that you should desire to do + so, to the exclusion even of Mr Jonas, showed an amount of confidence in + one to whom you had done a verbal injury—merely a verbal injury, you + were anxious to repair—which gratified, which moved, which overcame + me.’ + </p> + <p> + He was always a glib speaker, but he delivered this short address very + glibly; having been at some pains to compose it outside the coach. + </p> + <p> + Although he paused for a reply, and truly said that he was there at + Anthony’s request, the old man sat gazing at him in profound silence and + with a perfectly blank face. Nor did he seem to have the least desire or + impulse to pursue the conversation, though Mr Pecksniff looked towards the + door, and pulled out his watch, and gave him many other hints that their + time was short, and Jonas, if he kept his word, would soon return. But the + strangest incident in all this strange behaviour was, that of a sudden, in + a moment, so swiftly that it was impossible to trace how, or to observe + any process of change, his features fell into their old expression, and he + cried, striking his hand passionately upon the table as if no interval at + all had taken place: + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you hold your tongue, sir, and let me speak?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff deferred to him with a submissive bow; and said within + himself, ‘I knew his hand was changed, and that his writing staggered. I + said so yesterday. Ahem! Dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas is sweet upon your daughter, Pecksniff,’ said the old man, in his + usual tone. + </p> + <p> + ‘We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers’s,’ replied the + courteous architect. + </p> + <p> + ‘You needn’t speak so loud,’ retorted Anthony. ‘I’m not so deaf as that.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had certainly raised his voice pretty high; not so much + because he thought Anthony was deaf, as because he felt convinced that his + perceptive faculties were waxing dim; but this quick resentment of his + considerate behaviour greatly disconcerted him, and, not knowing what tack + to shape his course upon, he made another inclination of the head, yet + more submissive that the last. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have said,’ repeated the old man, ‘that Jonas is sweet upon your + daughter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A charming girl, sir,’ murmured Mr Pecksniff, seeing that he waited for + an answer. ‘A dear girl, Mr Chuzzlewit, though I say it, who should not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You know better,’ cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at least a + yard, and starting forward in his chair to do it. ‘You lie! What, you <i>will</i> + be a hypocrite, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good sir,’ Mr Pecksniff began. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t call me a good sir,’ retorted Anthony, ‘and don’t claim to be one + yourself. If your daughter was what you would have me believe, she + wouldn’t do for Jonas. Being what she is, I think she will. He might be + deceived in a wife. She might run riot, contract debts, and waste his + substance. Now when I am dead—’ + </p> + <p> + His face altered so horribly as he said the word, that Mr Pecksniff really + was fain to look another way. + </p> + <p> + ‘—It will be worse for me to know of such doings, than if I was + alive; for to be tormented for getting that together, which even while I + suffer for its acquisition, is flung into the very kennels of the streets, + would be insupportable torture. No,’ said the old man, hoarsely, ‘let that + be saved at least; let there be something gained, and kept fast hold of, + when so much is lost.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,’ said Pecksniff, ‘these are unwholesome fancies; + quite unnecessary, sir, quite uncalled for, I am sure. The truth is, my + dear sir, that you are not well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not dying though!’ cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of a wild + animal. ‘Not yet! There are years of life in me. Why, look at him,’ + pointing to his feeble clerk. ‘Death has no right to leave him standing, + and to mow me down!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was so much afraid of the old man, and so completely taken + aback by the state in which he found him, that he had not even presence of + mind enough to call up a scrap of morality from the great storehouse + within his own breast. Therefore he stammered out that no doubt it was, in + fairness and decency, Mr Chuffey’s turn to expire; and that from all he + had heard of Mr Chuffey, and the little he had the pleasure of knowing of + that gentleman, personally, he felt convinced in his own mind that he + would see the propriety of expiring with as little delay as possible. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come here!’ said the old man, beckoning him to draw nearer. ‘Jonas will + be my heir, Jonas will be rich, and a great catch for you. You know that. + Jonas is sweet upon your daughter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know that too,’ thought Mr Pecksniff, ‘for you have said it often + enough.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He might get more money than with her,’ said the old man, ‘but she will + help him to take care of what they have. She is not too young or heedless, + and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don’t you play too fine a + game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you draw it too tight (I know + his temper) it’ll snap. Bind him when he’s in the mood, Pecksniff; bind + him. You’re too deep. In your way of leading him on, you’ll leave him + miles behind. Bah, you man of oil, have I no eyes to see how you have + angled with him from the first?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now I wonder,’ thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful face, + ‘whether this is all he has to say?’ + </p> + <p> + Old Anthony rubbed his hands and muttered to himself; complained again + that he was cold; drew his chair before the fire; and, sitting with his + back to Mr Pecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his breast, was, in + another minute, quite regardless or forgetful of his presence. + </p> + <p> + Uncouth and unsatisfactory as this short interview had been, it had + furnished Mr Pecksniff with a hint which, supposing nothing further were + imparted to him, repaid the journey up and home again. For the good + gentleman had never (for want of an opportunity) dived into the depths of + Mr Jonas’s nature; and any recipe for catching such a son-in-law (much + more one written on a leaf out of his own father’s book) was worth the + having. In order that he might lose no chance of improving so fair an + opportunity by allowing Anthony to fall asleep before he had finished all + he had to say, Mr Pecksniff, in the disposal of the refreshments on the + table, a work to which he now applied himself in earnest, resorted to many + ingenious contrivances for attracting his attention; such as coughing, + sneezing, clattering the teacups, sharpening the knives, dropping the + loaf, and so forth. But all in vain, for Mr Jonas returned, and Anthony + had said no more. + </p> + <p> + ‘What! My father asleep again?’ he cried, as he hung up his hat, and cast + a look at him. ‘Ah! and snoring. Only hear!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He snores very deep,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Snores deep?’ repeated Jonas. ‘Yes; let him alone for that. He’ll snore + for six, at any time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you know, Mr Jonas,’ said Pecksniff, ‘that I think your father is—don’t + let me alarm you—breaking?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, is he though?’ replied Jonas, with a shake of the head which + expressed the closeness of his dutiful observation. ‘Ecod, you don’t know + how tough he is. He ain’t upon the move yet.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It struck me that he was changed, both in his appearance and manner,’ + said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all you know about it,’ returned Jonas, seating himself with a + melancholy air. ‘He never was better than he is now. How are they all at + home? How’s Charity?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Blooming, Mr Jonas, blooming.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And the other one; how’s she?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Volatile trifler!’ said Mr Pecksniff, fondly musing. ‘She is well, she is + well. Roving from parlour to bedroom, Mr Jonas, like a bee, skimming from + post to pillar, like the butterfly; dipping her young beak into our + currant wine, like the humming-bird! Ah! were she a little less giddy than + she is; and had she but the sterling qualities of Cherry, my young + friend!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is she so very giddy, then?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well!’ said Mr Pecksniff, with great feeling; ‘let me not be hard + upon my child. Beside her sister Cherry she appears so. A strange noise + that, Mr Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Something wrong in the clock, I suppose,’ said Jonas, glancing towards + it. ‘So the other one ain’t your favourite, ain’t she?’ + </p> + <p> + The fond father was about to reply, and had already summoned into his face + a look of most intense sensibility, when the sound he had already noticed + was repeated. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word, Mr Jonas, that is a very extraordinary clock,’ said + Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + It would have been, if it had made the noise which startled them; but + another kind of time-piece was fast running down, and from that the sound + proceeded. A scream from Chuffey, rendered a hundred times more loud and + formidable by his silent habits, made the house ring from roof to cellar; + and, looking round, they saw Anthony Chuzzlewit extended on the floor, + with the old clerk upon his knees beside him. + </p> + <p> + He had fallen from his chair in a fit, and lay there, battling for each + gasp of breath, with every shrivelled vein and sinew starting in its + place, as if it were bent on bearing witness to his age, and sternly + pleading with Nature against his recovery. It was frightful to see how the + principle of life, shut up within his withered frame, fought like a strong + devil, mad to be released, and rent its ancient prison-house. A young man + in the fullness of his vigour, struggling with so much strength of + desperation, would have been a dismal sight; but an old, old, shrunken + body, endowed with preternatural might, and giving the lie in every motion + of its every limb and joint to its enfeebled aspect, was a hideous + spectacle indeed. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20337m.jpg" alt="20337m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20337.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + They raised him up, and fetched a surgeon with all haste, who bled the + patient and applied some remedies; but the fits held him so long that it + was past midnight when they got him—quiet now, but quite unconscious + and exhausted—into bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t go,’ said Jonas, putting his ashy lips to Mr Pecksniff’s ear and + whispered across the bed. ‘It was a mercy you were present when he was + taken ill. Some one might have said it was my doing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>your </i>doing!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know but they might,’ he replied, wiping the moisture from his + white face. ‘People say such things. How does he look now?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘I used to joke, you know,’ said. Jonas: ‘but I—I never wished him + dead. Do you think he’s very bad?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The doctor said he was. You heard,’ was Mr Pecksniff’s answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! but he might say that to charge us more, in case of his getting well’ + said Jonas. ‘You mustn’t go away, Pecksniff. Now it’s come to this, I + wouldn’t be without a witness for a thousand pound.’ + </p> + <p> + Chuffey said not a word, and heard not a word. He had sat himself down in + a chair at the bedside, and there he remained, motionless; except that he + sometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed to listen. He never + changed in this. Though once in the dreary night Mr Pecksniff, having + dozed, awoke with a confused impression that he had heard him praying, and + strangely mingling figures—not of speech, but arithmetic—with + his broken prayers. + </p> + <p> + Jonas sat there, too, all night; not where his father could have seen him, + had his consciousness returned, but hiding, as it were, behind him, and + only reading how he looked, in Mr Pecksniff’s eyes. <i>He</i>, the coarse + upstart, who had ruled the house so long—that craven cur, who was + afraid to move, and shook so, that his very shadow fluttered on the wall! + It was broad, bright, stirring day when, leaving the old clerk to watch + him, they went down to breakfast. People hurried up and down the street; + windows and doors were opened; thieves and beggars took their usual posts; + workmen bestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth their shops; bailiffs + and constables were on the watch; all kinds of human creatures strove, in + their several ways, as hard to live, as the one sick old man who combated + for every grain of sand in his fast-emptying glass, as eagerly as if it + were an empire. + </p> + <p> + ‘If anything happens Pecksniff,’ said Jonas, ‘you must promise me to stop + here till it’s all over. You shall see that I do what’s right.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know that you will do what’s right, Mr Jonas,’ said Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes, but I won’t be doubted. No one shall have it in his power to + say a syllable against me,’ he returned. ‘I know how people will talk. + Just as if he wasn’t old, or I had the secret of keeping him alive!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff promised that he would remain, if circumstances should render + it, in his esteemed friend’s opinion, desirable; they were finishing their + meal in silence, when suddenly an apparition stood before them, so ghastly + to the view that Jonas shrieked aloud, and both recoiled in horror. + </p> + <p> + Old Anthony, dressed in his usual clothes, was in the room—beside + the table. He leaned upon the shoulder of his solitary friend; and on his + livid face, and on his horny hands, and in his glassy eyes, and traced by + an eternal finger in the very drops of sweat upon his brow, was one word—Death. + </p> + <p> + He spoke to them—in something of his own voice too, but sharpened + and made hollow, like a dead man’s face. What he would have said, God + knows. He seemed to utter words, but they were such as man had never + heard. And this was the most fearful circumstance of all, to see him + standing there, gabbling in an unearthly tongue. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s better now,’ said Chuffey. ‘Better now. Let him sit in his old + chair, and he’ll be well again. I told him not to mind. I said so, + yesterday.’ + </p> + <p> + They put him in his easy-chair, and wheeled it near the window; then, + swinging open the door, exposed him to the free current of morning air. + But not all the air that is, nor all the winds that ever blew ‘twixt + Heaven and Earth, could have brought new life to him. + </p> + <p> + Plunge him to the throat in golden pieces now, and his heavy fingers shall + not close on one! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER NINETEEN + </h2> + <p> + THE READER IS BROUGHT INTO COMMUNICATION WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL PERSONS, + AND SHEDS A TEAR OVER THE FILIAL PIETY OF GOOD MR JONAS + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was in a hackney cabriolet, for Jonas Chuzzlewit had said + ‘Spare no expense.’ Mankind is evil in its thoughts and in its base + constructions, and Jonas was resolved it should not have an inch to + stretch into an ell against him. It never should be charged upon his + father’s son that he had grudged the money for his father’s funeral. + Hence, until the obsequies should be concluded, Jonas had taken for his + motto ‘Spend, and spare not!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way to + another officer in the train of mourning—a female functionary, a + nurse, and watcher, and performer of nameless offices about the persons of + the dead—whom he had recommended. Her name, as Mr Pecksniff gathered + from a scrap of writing in his hand, was Gamp; her residence in Kingsgate + Street, High Holborn. So Mr Pecksniff, in a hackney cab, was rattling over + Holborn stones, in quest of Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + This lady lodged at a bird-fancier’s, next door but one to the celebrated + mutton-pie shop, and directly opposite to the original cat’s-meat + warehouse; the renown of which establishments was duly heralded on their + respective fronts. It was a little house, and this was the more + convenient; for Mrs Gamp being, in her highest walk of art, a monthly + nurse, or, as her sign-board boldly had it, ‘Midwife,’ and lodging in the + first-floor front, was easily assailable at night by pebbles, + walking-sticks, and fragments of tobacco-pipe; all much more efficacious + than the street-door knocker, which was so constructed as to wake the + street with ease, and even spread alarms of fire in Holborn, without + making the smallest impression on the premises to which it was addressed. + </p> + <p> + It chanced on this particular occasion, that Mrs Gamp had been up all the + previous night, in attendance upon a ceremony to which the usage of + gossips has given that name which expresses, in two syllables, the curse + pronounced on Adam. It chanced that Mrs Gamp had not been regularly + engaged, but had been called in at a crisis, in consequence of her great + repute, to assist another professional lady with her advice; and thus it + happened that, all points of interest in the case being over, Mrs Gamp had + come home again to the bird-fancier’s and gone to bed. So when Mr + Pecksniff drove up in the hackney cab, Mrs Gamp’s curtains were drawn + close, and Mrs Gamp was fast asleep behind them. + </p> + <p> + If the bird-fancier had been at home, as he ought to have been, there + would have been no great harm in this; but he was out, and his shop was + closed. The shutters were down certainly; and in every pane of glass there + was at least one tiny bird in a tiny bird-cage, twittering and hopping his + little ballet of despair, and knocking his head against the roof; while + one unhappy goldfinch who lived outside a red villa with his name on the + door, drew the water for his own drinking, and mutely appealed to some + good man to drop a farthing’s-worth of poison in it. Still, the door was + shut. Mr Pecksniff tried the latch, and shook it, causing a cracked bell + inside to ring most mournfully; but no one came. The bird-fancier was an + easy shaver also, and a fashionable hair-dresser also, and perhaps he had + been sent for, express, from the court end of the town, to trim a lord, or + cut and curl a lady; but however that might be, there, upon his own + ground, he was not; nor was there any more distinct trace of him to assist + the imagination of an inquirer, than a professional print or emblem of his + calling (much favoured in the trade), representing a hair-dresser of easy + manners curling a lady of distinguished fashion, in the presence of a + patent upright grand pianoforte. + </p> + <p> + Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his heart, + applied himself to the knocker; but at the first double knock every window + in the street became alive with female heads; and before he could repeat + the performance whole troops of married ladies (some about to trouble Mrs + Gamp themselves very shortly) came flocking round the steps, all crying + out with one accord, and with uncommon interest, ‘Knock at the winder, + sir, knock at the winder. Lord bless you, don’t lose no more time than you + can help—knock at the winder!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20342m.jpg" alt="20342m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20342.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Acting upon this suggestion, and borrowing the driver’s whip for the + purpose, Mr Pecksniff soon made a commotion among the first floor + flower-pots, and roused Mrs Gamp, whose voice—to the great + satisfaction of the matrons—was heard to say, ‘I’m coming.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s as pale as a muffin,’ said one lady, in allusion to Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘So he ought to be, if he’s the feelings of a man,’ observed another. + </p> + <p> + A third lady (with her arms folded) said she wished he had chosen any + other time for fetching Mrs Gamp, but it always happened so with <i>her</i>. + </p> + <p> + It gave Mr Pecksniff much uneasiness to find, from these remarks, that he + was supposed to have come to Mrs Gamp upon an errand touching—not + the close of life, but the other end. Mrs Gamp herself was under the same + impression, for, throwing open the window, she cried behind the curtains, + as she hastily attired herself— + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it Mrs Perkins?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ returned Mr Pecksniff, sharply. ‘Nothing of the sort.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, Mr Whilks!’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘Don’t say it’s you, Mr Whilks, and + that poor creetur Mrs Whilks with not even a pincushion ready. Don’t say + it’s you, Mr Whilks!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It isn’t Mr Whilks,’ said Pecksniff. ‘I don’t know the man. Nothing of + the kind. A gentleman is dead; and some person being wanted in the house, + you have been recommended by Mr Mould the undertaker.’ + </p> + <p> + As she was by this time in a condition to appear, Mrs Gamp, who had a face + for all occasions, looked out of the window with her mourning countenance, + and said she would be down directly. But the matrons took it very ill that + Mr Pecksniff’s mission was of so unimportant a kind; and the lady with her + arms folded rated him in good round terms, signifying that she would be + glad to know what he meant by terrifying delicate females ‘with his + corpses;’ and giving it as her opinion that he was quite ugly enough to + know better. The other ladies were not at all behind-hand in expressing + similar sentiments; and the children, of whom some scores had now + collected, hooted and defied Mr Pecksniff quite savagely. So when Mrs Gamp + appeared, the unoffending gentleman was glad to hustle her with very + little ceremony into the cabriolet, and drive off, overwhelmed with + popular execration. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp had a large bundle with her, a pair of pattens, and a species of + gig umbrella; the latter article in colour like a faded leaf, except where + a circular patch of a lively blue had been dexterously let in at the top. + She was much flurried by the haste she had made, and laboured under the + most erroneous views of cabriolets, which she appeared to confound with + mail-coaches or stage-wagons, inasmuch as she was constantly endeavouring + for the first half mile to force her luggage through the little front + window, and clamouring to the driver to ‘put it in the boot.’ When she was + disabused of this idea, her whole being resolved itself into an absorbing + anxiety about her pattens, with which she played innumerable games at + quoits on Mr Pecksniff’s legs. It was not until they were close upon the + house of mourning that she had enough composure to observe— + </p> + <p> + ‘And so the gentleman’s dead, sir! Ah! The more’s the pity.’ She didn’t + even know his name. ‘But it’s what we must all come to. It’s as certain as + being born, except that we can’t make our calculations as exact. Ah! Poor + dear!’ + </p> + <p> + She was a fat old woman, this Mrs Gamp, with a husky voice and a moist + eye, which she had a remarkable power of turning up, and only showing the + white of it. Having very little neck, it cost her some trouble to look + over herself, if one may say so, at those to whom she talked. She wore a + very rusty black gown, rather the worse for snuff, and a shawl and bonnet + to correspond. In these dilapidated articles of dress she had, on + principle, arrayed herself, time out of mind, on such occasions as the + present; for this at once expressed a decent amount of veneration for the + deceased, and invited the next of kin to present her with a fresher suit + of weeds; an appeal so frequently successful, that the very fetch and + ghost of Mrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might be seen hanging up, any hour in + the day, in at least a dozen of the second-hand clothes shops about + Holborn. The face of Mrs Gamp—the nose in particular—was + somewhat red and swollen, and it was difficult to enjoy her society + without becoming conscious of a smell of spirits. Like most persons who + have attained to great eminence in their profession, she took to hers very + kindly; insomuch that, setting aside her natural predilections as a woman, + she went to a lying-in or a laying-out with equal zest and relish. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases of + mourning. ‘Ah dear! When Gamp was summoned to his long home, and I see him + a-lying in Guy’s Hospital with a penny-piece on each eye, and his wooden + leg under his left arm, I thought I should have fainted away. But I bore + up.’ + </p> + <p> + If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any truth + in them, she had indeed borne up surprisingly; and had exerted such + uncommon fortitude as to dispose of Mr Gamp’s remains for the benefit of + science. But it should be added, in fairness, that this had happened + twenty years before; and that Mr and Mrs Gamp had long been separated on + the ground of incompatibility of temper in their drink. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have become indifferent since then, I suppose?’ said Mr Pecksniff. + ‘Use is second nature, Mrs Gamp.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You may well say second nater, sir,’ returned that lady. ‘One’s first + ways is to find sich things a trial to the feelings, and so is one’s + lasting custom. If it wasn’t for the nerve a little sip of liquor gives me + (I never was able to do more than taste it), I never could go through with + what I sometimes has to do. “Mrs Harris,” I says, at the very last case as + ever I acted in, which it was but a young person, “Mrs Harris,” I says, + “leave the bottle on the chimley-piece, and don’t ask me to take none, but + let me put my lips to it when I am so dispoged, and then I will do what + I’m engaged to do, according to the best of my ability.” “Mrs Gamp,” she + says, in answer, “if ever there was a sober creetur to be got at eighteen + pence a day for working people, and three and six for gentlefolks—night + watching,”’ said Mrs Gamp with emphasis, ‘“being a extra charge—you + are that inwallable person.” “Mrs Harris,” I says to her, “don’t name the + charge, for if I could afford to lay all my feller creeturs out for + nothink, I would gladly do it, sich is the love I bears ‘em. But what I + always says to them as has the management of matters, Mrs Harris”’—here + she kept her eye on Mr Pecksniff—‘"be they gents or be they ladies, + is, don’t ask me whether I won’t take none, or whether I will, but leave + the bottle on the chimley-piece, and let me put my lips to it when I am so + dispoged.”’ + </p> + <p> + The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the house. In + the passage they encountered Mr Mould the undertaker; a little elderly + gentleman, bald, and in a suit of black; with a notebook in his hand, a + massive gold watch-chain dangling from his fob, and a face in which a + queer attempt at melancholy was at odds with a smirk of satisfaction; so + that he looked as a man might, who, in the very act of smacking his lips + over choice old wine, tried to make believe it was physic. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mrs Gamp, and how are <i>you</i>, Mrs Gamp?’ said this gentleman, in a + voice as soft as his step. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well, I thank you, sir,’ dropping a curtsey. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll be very particular here, Mrs Gamp. This is not a common case, Mrs + Gamp. Let everything be very nice and comfortable, Mrs Gamp, if you + please,’ said the undertaker, shaking his head with a solemn air. + </p> + <p> + ‘It shall be, sir,’ she replied, curtseying again. ‘You knows me of old, + sir, I hope.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,’ said the undertaker, ‘and I think so also.’ + Mrs Gamp curtseyed again. ‘This is one of the most impressive cases, sir,’ + he continued, addressing Mr Pecksniff, ‘that I have seen in the whole + course of my professional experience.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, Mr Mould!’ cried that gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no limitation, there + is positively <i>no</i> limitation’—opening his eyes wide, and standing on + tiptoe—‘in point of expense! I have orders, sir, to put on my whole + establishment of mutes; and mutes come very dear, Mr Pecksniff; not to + mention their drink. To provide silver-plated handles of the very best + description, ornamented with angels’ heads from the most expensive dies. + To be perfectly profuse in feathers. In short, sir, to turn out something + absolutely gorgeous.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My friend Mr Jonas is an excellent man,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have seen a good deal of what is filial in my time, sir,’ retorted + Mould, ‘and what is unfilial too. It is our lot. We come into the + knowledge of those secrets. But anything so filial as this; anything so + honourable to human nature; so calculated to reconcile all of us to the + world we live in; never yet came under my observation. It only proves, + sir, what was so forcibly observed by the lamented theatrical poet—buried + at Stratford—that there is good in everything.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is very pleasant to hear you say so, Mr Mould,’ observed Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are very kind, sir. And what a man Mr Chuzzlewit was, sir! Ah! what a + man he was. You may talk of your lord mayors,’ said Mould, waving his hand + at the public in general, ‘your sheriffs, your common councilmen, your + trumpery; but show me a man in this city who is worthy to walk in the + shoes of the departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, no,’ cried Mould, with bitter + sarcasm. ‘Hang ‘em up, hang ‘em up; sole ‘em and heel ‘em, and have ‘em + ready for his son against he’s old enough to wear ‘em; but don’t try ‘em + on yourselves, for they won’t fit you. We knew him,’ said Mould, in the + same biting vein, as he pocketed his note-book; ‘we knew him, and are not + to be caught with chaff. Mr Pecksniff, sir, good morning.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of having + distinguished himself, was going away with a brisk smile, when he + fortunately remembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed again, he + sighed; looked into the crown of his hat, as if for comfort; put it on + without finding any; and slowly departed. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the former, + having been shown to the chamber in which all that remained of Anthony + Chuzzlewit lay covered up, with but one loving heart, and that a halting + one, to mourn it, left the latter free to enter the darkened room below, + and rejoin Mr Jonas, from whom he had now been absent nearly two hours. + </p> + <p> + He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of all + performers of funerals, musing over a fragment of writing-paper on the + desk, and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man’s chair, and + hat, and walking-stick, were removed from their accustomed places, and put + out of sight; the window-blinds as yellow as November fogs, were drawn + down close; Jonas himself was so subdued, that he could scarcely be heard + to speak, and only seen to walk across the room. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ he said, in a whisper, ‘you shall have the regulation of it + all, mind! You shall be able to tell anybody who talks about it that + everything was correctly and nicely done. There isn’t any one you’d like + to ask to the funeral, is there?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Mr Jonas, I think not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Because if there is, you know,’ said Jonas, ‘ask him. We don’t want to + make a secret of it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, after a little reflection. ‘I am not the less + obliged to you on that account, Mr Jonas, for your liberal hospitality; + but there really is no one.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well,’ said Jonas; ‘then you, and I, and Chuffey, and the doctor, + will be just a coachful. We’ll have the doctor, Pecksniff, because he + knows what was the matter with him, and that it couldn’t be helped.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is our dear friend, Mr Chuffey?’ asked Pecksniff, looking round the + chamber, and winking both his eyes at once—for he was overcome by + his feelings. + </p> + <p> + But here he was interrupted by Mrs Gamp, who, divested of her bonnet and + shawl, came sidling and bridling into the room; and with some sharpness + demanded a conference outside the door with Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘You may say whatever you wish to say here, Mrs Gamp,’ said that + gentleman, shaking his head with a melancholy expression. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not much as I have to say when people is a-mourning for the dead + and gone,’ said Mrs Gamp; ‘but what I have to say is <i>to</i> the pint and + purpose, and no offence intended, must be so considered. I have been at a + many places in my time, gentlemen, and I hope I knows what my duties is, + and how the same should be performed; in course, if I did not, it would be + very strange, and very wrong in sich a gentleman as Mr Mould, which has + undertook the highest families in this land, and given every satisfaction, + so to recommend me as he does. I have seen a deal of trouble my own self,’ + said Mrs Gamp, laying greater and greater stress upon her words, ‘and I + can feel for them as has their feelings tried, but I am not a Rooshan or a + Prooshan, and consequently cannot suffer Spies to be set over me.’ + </p> + <p> + Before it was possible that an answer could be returned, Mrs Gamp, growing + redder in the face, went on to say: + </p> + <p> + ‘It is not a easy matter, gentlemen, to live when you are left a widder + woman; particular when your feelings works upon you to that extent that + you often find yourself a-going out on terms which is a certain loss, and + never can repay. But in whatever way you earns your bread, you may have + rules and regulations of your own which cannot be broke through. Some + people,’ said Mrs Gamp, again entrenching herself behind her strong point, + as if it were not assailable by human ingenuity, ‘may be Rooshans, and + others may be Prooshans; they are born so, and will please themselves. + Them which is of other naturs thinks different.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I understand this good lady,’ said Mr Pecksniff, turning to Jonas, ‘Mr + Chuffey is troublesome to her. Shall I fetch him down?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do,’ said Jonas. ‘I was going to tell you he was up there, when she came + in. I’d go myself and bring him down, only—only I’d rather you went, + if you don’t mind.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff promptly departed, followed by Mrs Gamp, who, seeing that he + took a bottle and glass from the cupboard, and carried it in his hand, was + much softened. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure,’ she said, ‘that if it wasn’t for his own happiness, I should + no more mind him being there, poor dear, than if he was a fly. But them as + isn’t used to these things, thinks so much of ‘em afterwards, that it’s a + kindness to ‘em not to let ‘em have their wish. And even,’ said Mrs Gamp, + probably in reference to some flowers of speech she had already strewn on + Mr Chuffey, ‘even if one calls ‘em names, it’s only done to rouse ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not roused + <i>him</i>. He sat beside the bed, in the chair he had occupied all the previous + night, with his hands folded before him, and his head bowed down; and + neither looked up, on their entrance, nor gave any sign of consciousness, + until Mr Pecksniff took him by the arm, when he meekly rose. + </p> + <p> + ‘Three score and ten,’ said Chuffey, ‘ought and carry seven. Some men are + so strong that they live to four score—four times ought’s an ought, + four times two’s an eight—eighty. Oh! why—why—why didn’t + he live to four times ought’s an ought, and four times two’s an eight, + eighty?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! what a wale of grief!’ cried Mrs Gamp, possessing herself of the + bottle and glass. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why did he die before his poor old crazy servant?’ said Chuffey, clasping + his hands and looking up in anguish. ‘Take him from me, and what remains?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Jonas,’ returned Pecksniff, ‘Mr Jonas, my good friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I loved him,’ cried the old man, weeping. ‘He was good to me. We learnt + Tare and Tret together at school. I took him down once, six boys in the + arithmetic class. God forgive me! Had I the heart to take him down!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, Mr Chuffey,’ said Pecksniff. ‘Come with me. Summon up your + fortitude, Mr Chuffey.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I will,’ returned the old clerk. ‘Yes. I’ll sum up my forty—How + many times forty—Oh, Chuzzlewit and Son—Your own son Mr + Chuzzlewit; your own son, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this familiar + expression, and submitted to be led away. Mrs Gamp, with the bottle on one + knee, and the glass on the other, sat upon a stool, shaking her head for a + long time, until, in a moment of abstraction, she poured out a dram of + spirits, and raised it to her lips. It was succeeded by a second, and by a + third, and then her eyes—either in the sadness of her reflections + upon life and death, or in her admiration of the liquor—were so + turned up, as to be quite invisible. But she shook her head still. + </p> + <p> + Poor Chuffey was conducted to his accustomed corner, and there he + remained, silent and quiet, save at long intervals, when he would rise, + and walk about the room, and wring his hands, or raise some strange and + sudden cry. For a whole week they all three sat about the hearth and never + stirred abroad. Mr Pecksniff would have walked out in the evening time, + but Mr Jonas was so averse to his being absent for a minute, that he + abandoned the idea, and so, from morning until night, they brooded + together in the dark room, without relief or occupation. + </p> + <p> + The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the awful + chamber above-stairs, so crushed and bore down Jonas, that he bent beneath + the load. During the whole long seven days and nights, he was always + oppressed and haunted by a dreadful sense of its presence in the house. + Did the door move, he looked towards it with a livid face and starting + eye, as if he fully believed that ghostly fingers clutched the handle. Did + the fire flicker in a draught of air, he glanced over his shoulder, as + almost dreading to behold some shrouded figure fanning and flapping at it + with its fearful dress. The lightest noise disturbed him; and once, in the + night, at the sound of a footstep overhead, he cried out that the dead man + was walking—tramp, tramp, tramp—about his coffin. + </p> + <p> + He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sitting-room; his own + chamber having been assigned to Mrs Gamp; and Mr Pecksniff was similarly + accommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, filled him with a + terror he could not disguise. He avoided the reflection in the opposite + windows of the light that burned above, as though it had been an angry + eye. He often, in every night, rose up from his fitful sleep, and looked + and longed for dawn; all directions and arrangements, even to the ordering + of their daily meals, he abandoned to Mr Pecksniff. That excellent + gentleman, deeming that the mourner wanted comfort, and that high feeding + was likely to do him infinite service, availed himself of these + opportunities to such good purpose, that they kept quite a dainty table + during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads, stewed kidneys, oysters, + and other such light viands for supper every night; over which, and sundry + jorums of hot punch, Mr Pecksniff delivered such moral reflections and + spiritual consolation as might have converted a Heathen—especially + if he had had but an imperfect acquaintance with the English tongue. + </p> + <p> + Nor did Mr Pecksniff alone indulge in the creature comforts during this + sad time. Mrs Gamp proved to be very choice in her eating, and repudiated + hashed mutton with scorn. In her drinking too, she was very punctual and + particular, requiring a pint of mild porter at lunch, a pint at dinner, + half-a-pint as a species of stay or holdfast between dinner and tea, and a + pint of the celebrated staggering ale, or Real Old Brighton Tipper, at + supper; besides the bottle on the chimney-piece, and such casual + invitations to refresh herself with wine as the good breeding of her + employers might prompt them to offer. In like manner, Mr Mould’s men found + it necessary to drown their grief, like a young kitten in the morning of + its existence, for which reason they generally fuddled themselves before + they began to do anything, lest it should make head and get the better of + them. In short, the whole of that strange week was a round of dismal + joviality and grim enjoyment; and every one, except poor Chuffey, who came + within the shadow of Anthony Chuzzlewit’s grave, feasted like a Ghoul. + </p> + <p> + At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that it was, + arrived. Mr Mould, with a glass of generous port between his eye and the + light, leaned against the desk in the little glass office with his gold + watch in his unoccupied hand, and conversed with Mrs Gamp; two mutes were + at the house-door, looking as mournful as could be reasonably expected of + men with such a thriving job in hand; the whole of Mr Mould’s + establishment were on duty within the house or without; feathers waved, + horses snorted, silk and velvets fluttered; in a word, as Mr Mould + emphatically said, ‘Everything that money could do was done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And what can do more, Mrs Gamp?’ exclaimed the undertaker as he emptied + his glass and smacked his lips. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing in the world, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing in the world,’ repeated Mr Mould. ‘You are right, Mrs Gamp. Why + do people spend more money’—here he filled his glass again—‘upon + a death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that’s in your way; you ought + to know. How do you account for that now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps it is because an undertaker’s charges comes dearer than a nurse’s + charges, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp, tittering, and smoothing down her new black + dress with her hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha!’ laughed Mr Mould. ‘You have been breakfasting at somebody’s + expense this morning, Mrs Gamp.’ But seeing, by the aid of a little + shaving-glass which hung opposite, that he looked merry, he composed his + features and became sorrowful. + </p> + <p> + ‘Many’s the time that I’ve not breakfasted at my own expense along of your + recommending, sir; and many’s the time I hope to do the same in time to + come,’ said Mrs Gamp, with an apologetic curtsey. + </p> + <p> + ‘So be it,’ replied Mr Mould, ‘please Providence. No, Mrs Gamp; I’ll tell + you why it is. It’s because the laying out of money with a well-conducted + establishment, where the thing is performed upon the very best scale, + binds the broken heart, and sheds balm upon the wounded spirit. Hearts + want binding, and spirits want balming when people die; not when people + are born. Look at this gentleman to-day; look at him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘An open-handed gentleman?’ cried Mrs Gamp, with enthusiasm. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said the undertaker; ‘not an open-handed gentleman in general, + by any means. There you mistake him; but an afflicted gentleman, an + affectionate gentleman, who knows what it is in the power of money to do, + in giving him relief, and in testifying his love and veneration for the + departed. It can give him,’ said Mr Mould, waving his watch-chain slowly + round and round, so that he described one circle after every item; ‘it can + give him four horses to each vehicle; it can give him velvet trappings; it + can give him drivers in cloth cloaks and top-boots; it can give him the + plumage of the ostrich, dyed black; it can give him any number of walking + attendants, dressed in the first style of funeral fashion, and carrying + batons tipped with brass; it can give him a handsome tomb; it can give him + a place in Westminster Abbey itself, if he choose to invest it in such a + purchase. Oh! do not let us say that gold is dross, when it can buy such + things as these, Mrs Gamp.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But what a blessing, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘that there are such as you, to + sell or let ‘em out on hire!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,’ rejoined the undertaker. ‘We should be an + honoured calling. We do good by stealth, and blush to have it mentioned in + our little bills. How much consolation may I—even I,’ cried Mr + Mould, ‘have diffused among my fellow-creatures by means of my four + long-tailed prancers, never harnessed under ten pund ten!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp had begun to make a suitable reply, when she was interrupted by + the appearance of one of Mr Mould’s assistants—his chief mourner in + fact—an obese person, with his waistcoat in closer connection with + his legs than is quite reconcilable with the established ideas of grace; + with that cast of feature which is figuratively called a bottle nose; and + with a face covered all over with pimples. He had been a tender plant once + upon a time, but from constant blowing in the fat atmosphere of funerals, + had run to seed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Tacker,’ said Mr Mould, ‘is all ready below?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A beautiful show, sir,’ rejoined Tacker. ‘The horses are prouder and + fresher than ever I see ‘em; and toss their heads, they do, as if they + knowed how much their plumes cost. One, two, three, four,’ said Mr Tacker, + heaping that number of black cloaks upon his left arm. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is Tom there, with the cake and wine?’ asked Mr Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ready to come in at a moment’s notice, sir,’ said Tacker. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then,’ rejoined Mr Mould, putting up his watch, and glancing at himself + in the little shaving-glass, that he might be sure his face had the right + expression on it; ‘then I think we may proceed to business. Give me the + paper of gloves, Tacker. Ah, what a man he was! Ah, Tacker, Tacker, what a + man he was!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of funerals, + would have made an excellent pantomime actor, winked at Mrs Gamp without + at all disturbing the gravity of his countenance, and followed his master + into the next room. + </p> + <p> + It was a great point with Mr Mould, and a part of his professional tact, + not to seem to know the doctor; though in reality they were near + neighbours, and very often, as in the present instance, worked together. + So he advanced to fit on his black kid gloves as if he had never seen him + in all his life; while the doctor, on his part, looked as distant and + unconscious as if he had heard and read of undertakers, and had passed + their shops, but had never before been brought into communication with + one. + </p> + <p> + ‘Gloves, eh?’ said the doctor. ‘Mr Pecksniff after you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I couldn’t think of it,’ returned Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are very good,’ said the doctor, taking a pair. ‘Well, sir, as I was + saying—I was called up to attend that case at about half-past one + o’clock. Cake and wine, eh? Which is port? Thank you.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff took some also. + </p> + <p> + ‘At about half-past one o’clock in the morning, sir,’ resumed the doctor, + ‘I was called up to attend that case. At the first pull of the night-bell + I turned out, threw up the window, and put out my head. Cloak, eh? Don’t + tie it too tight. That’ll do.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff having been likewise inducted into a similar garment, the + doctor resumed. + </p> + <p> + ‘And put out my head—hat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. Mr + Pecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I think we have unintentionally made an + exchange. Thank you. Well, sir, I was going to tell you—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are quite ready,’ interrupted Mould in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ready, eh?’ said the doctor. ‘Very good, Mr Pecksniff, I’ll take an + opportunity of relating the rest in the coach. It’s rather curious. Ready, + eh? No rain, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite fair, sir,’ returned Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was afraid the ground would have been wet,’ said the doctor, ‘for my + glass fell yesterday. We may congratulate ourselves upon our good + fortune.’ But seeing by this time that Mr Jonas and Chuffey were going out + at the door, he put a white pocket-handkerchief to his face as if a + violent burst of grief had suddenly come upon him, and walked down side by + side with Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + Mr Mould and his men had not exaggerated the grandeur of the arrangements. + They were splendid. The four hearse-horses, especially, reared and + pranced, and showed their highest action, as if they knew a man was dead, + and triumphed in it. ‘They break us, drive us, ride us; ill-treat, abuse, + and maim us for their pleasure—But they die; Hurrah, they die!’ + </p> + <p> + So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went Anthony + Chuzzlewit’s funeral; Mr Jonas glancing stealthily out of the coach-window + now and then, to observe its effect upon the crowd; Mr Mould as he walked + along, listening with a sober pride to the exclamations of the bystanders; + the doctor whispering his story to Mr Pecksniff, without appearing to come + any nearer the end of it; and poor old Chuffey sobbing unregarded in a + corner. But he had greatly scandalized Mr Mould at an early stage of the + ceremony by carrying his handkerchief in his hat in a perfectly informal + manner, and wiping his eyes with his knuckles. And as Mr Mould himself had + said already, his behaviour was indecent, and quite unworthy of such an + occasion; and he never ought to have been there. + </p> + <p> + There he was, however; and in the churchyard there he was, also, + conducting himself in a no less unbecoming manner, and leaning for support + on Tacker, who plainly told him that he was fit for nothing better than a + walking funeral. But Chuffey, Heaven help him! heard no sound but the + echoes, lingering in his own heart, of a voice for ever silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘I loved him,’ cried the old man, sinking down upon the grave when all was + done. ‘He was very good to me. Oh, my dear old friend and master!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, come, Mr Chuffey,’ said the doctor, ‘this won’t do; it’s a clayey + soil, Mr Chuffey. You mustn’t, really.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If it had been the commonest thing we do, and Mr Chuffey had been a + Bearer, gentlemen,’ said Mould, casting an imploring glance upon them, as + he helped to raise him, ‘he couldn’t have gone on worse than this.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Be a man, Mr Chuffey,’ said Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Be a gentleman, Mr Chuffey,’ said Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word, my good friend,’ murmured the doctor, in a tone of stately + reproof, as he stepped up to the old man’s side, ‘this is worse than + weakness. This is bad, selfish, very wrong, Mr Chuffey. You should take + example from others, my good sir. You forget that you were not connected + by ties of blood with our deceased friend; and that he had a very near and + very dear relation, Mr Chuffey.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, his own son!’ cried the old man, clasping his hands with remarkable + passion. ‘His own, own, only son!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s not right in his head, you know,’ said Jonas, turning pale. ‘You’re + not to mind anything he says. I shouldn’t wonder if he was to talk some + precious nonsense. But don’t you mind him, any of you. I don’t. My father + left him to my charge; and whatever he says or does, that’s enough. I’ll + take care of him.’ + </p> + <p> + A hum of admiration rose from the mourners (including Mr Mould and his + merry men) at this new instance of magnanimity and kind feeling on the + part of Jonas. But Chuffey put it to the test no farther. He said not a + word more, and being left to himself for a little while, crept back again + to the coach. + </p> + <p> + It has been said that Mr Jonas turned pale when the behaviour of the old + clerk attracted general attention; his discomposure, however, was but + momentary, and he soon recovered. But these were not the only changes he + had exhibited that day. The curious eyes of Mr Pecksniff had observed that + as soon as they left the house upon their mournful errand, he began to + mend; that as the ceremonies proceeded he gradually, by little and little, + recovered his old condition, his old looks, his old bearing, his old + agreeable characteristics of speech and manner, and became, in all + respects, his old pleasant self. And now that they were seated in the + coach on their return home; and more when they got there, and found the + windows open, the light and air admitted, and all traces of the late event + removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas was again the Jonas he had + known a week ago, and not the Jonas of the intervening time, that he + voluntarily gave up his recently-acquired power without one faint attempt + to exercise it, and at once fell back into his former position of mild and + deferential guest. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp went home to the bird-fancier’s, and was knocked up again that + very night for a birth of twins; Mr Mould dined gayly in the bosom of his + family, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; the hearse, after + standing for a long time at the door of a roistering public-house, + repaired to its stables with the feathers inside and twelve red-nosed + undertakers on the roof, each holding on by a dingy peg, to which, in + times of state, a waving plume was fitted; the various trappings of sorrow + were carefully laid by in presses for the next hirer; the fiery steeds + were quenched and quiet in their stalls; the doctor got merry with wine at + a wedding-dinner, and forgot the middle of the story which had no end to + it; the pageant of a few short hours ago was written nowhere half so + legibly as in the undertaker’s books. + </p> + <p> + Not in the churchyard? Not even there. The gates were closed; the night + was dark and wet; the rain fell silently, among the stagnant weeds and + nettles. One new mound was there which had not been there last night. + Time, burrowing like a mole below the ground, had marked his track by + throwing up another heap of earth. And that was all. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY + </h2> + <h3> + IS A CHAPTER OF LOVE + </h3> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ said Jonas, taking off his hat, to see that the black crape + band was all right; and finding that it was, putting it on again, + complacently; ‘what do you mean to give your daughters when they marry?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mr Jonas,’ cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous + smile, ‘what a very singular inquiry!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, don’t you mind whether it’s a singular inquiry or a plural one,’ + retorted Jonas, eyeing Mr Pecksniff with no great favour, ‘but answer it, + or let it alone. One or the other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hum! The question, my dear friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand + tenderly upon his kinsman’s knee, ‘is involved with many considerations. + What would I give them? Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! what would you give ‘em?’ repeated Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, that, ‘said Mr Pecksniff, ‘would naturally depend in a great measure + upon the kind of husbands they might choose, my dear young friend.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas was evidently disconcerted, and at a loss how to proceed. It was + a good answer. It seemed a deep one, but such is the wisdom of + simplicity!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My standard for the merits I would require in a son-in-law,’ said Mr + Pecksniff, after a short silence, ‘is a high one. Forgive me, my dear Mr + Jonas,’ he added, greatly moved, ‘if I say that you have spoiled me, and + made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a prismatically tinged one, if + I may be permitted to call it so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean by that?’ growled Jonas, looking at him with increased + disfavour. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, my dear friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘you may well inquire. The + heart is not always a royal mint, with patent machinery to work its metal + into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange forms, not easily + recognized as coin at all. But it is sterling gold. It has at least that + merit. It is sterling gold.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it?’ grumbled Jonas, with a doubtful shake of the head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ said Mr Pecksniff, warming with his subject ‘it is. To be plain + with you, Mr Jonas, if I could find two such sons-in-law as you will one + day make to some deserving man, capable of appreciating a nature such as + yours, I would—forgetful of myself—bestow upon my daughters + portions reaching to the very utmost limit of my means.’ + </p> + <p> + This was strong language, and it was earnestly delivered. But who can + wonder that such a man as Mr Pecksniff, after all he had seen and heard of + Mr Jonas, should be strong and earnest upon such a theme; a theme that + touched even the worldly lips of undertakers with the honey of eloquence! + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas was silent, and looked thoughtfully at the landscape. For they + were seated on the outside of the coach, at the back, and were travelling + down into the country. He accompanied Mr Pecksniff home for a few days’ + change of air and scene after his recent trials. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ he said, at last, with captivating bluntness, ‘suppose you got one + such son-in-law as me, what then?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff regarded him at first with inexpressible surprise; then + gradually breaking into a sort of dejected vivacity, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Then well I know whose husband he would be!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Whose?’ asked Jonas, drily. + </p> + <p> + ‘My eldest girl’s, Mr Jonas,’ replied Pecksniff, with moistening eyes. ‘My + dear Cherry’s; my staff, my scrip, my treasure, Mr Jonas. A hard struggle, + but it is in the nature of things! I must one day part with her to a + husband. I know it, my dear friend. I am prepared for it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod! you’ve been prepared for that a pretty long time, I should think,’ + said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Many have sought to bear her from me,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘All have + failed. “I never will give my hand, papa”—those were her words—“unless + my heart is won.” She has not been quite so happy as she used to be, of + late. I don’t know why.’ + </p> + <p> + Again Mr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then at the + luggage on the roof; finally at Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose you’ll have to part with the other one, some of these days?’ he + observed, as he caught that gentleman’s eye. + </p> + <p> + ‘Probably,’ said the parent. ‘Years will tame down the wildness of my + foolish bird, and then it will be caged. But Cherry, Mr Jonas, Cherry—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, ah!’ interrupted Jonas. ‘Years have made her all right enough. Nobody + doubts that. But you haven’t answered what I asked you. Of course, you’re + not obliged to do it, you know, if you don’t like. You’re the best judge.’ + </p> + <p> + There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, which + admonished Mr Pecksniff that his dear friend was not to be trifled with or + fenced off, and that he must either return a straight-forward reply to his + question, or plainly give him to understand that he declined to enlighten + him upon the subject to which it referred. Mindful in this dilemma of the + caution old Anthony had given him almost with his latest breath, he + resolved to speak to the point, and so told Mr Jonas (enlarging upon the + communication as a proof of his great attachment and confidence), that in + the case he had put; to wit, in the event of such a man as he proposing + for his daughter’s hand, he would endow her with a fortune of four + thousand pounds. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should sadly pinch and cramp myself to do so,’ was his fatherly remark; + ‘but that would be my duty, and my conscience would reward me. For myself, + my conscience is my bank. I have a trifle invested there—a mere + trifle, Mr Jonas—but I prize it as a store of value, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + The good man’s enemies would have divided upon this question into two + parties. One would have asserted without scruple that if Mr Pecksniff’s + conscience were his bank, and he kept a running account there, he must + have overdrawn it beyond all mortal means of computation. The other would + have contended that it was a mere fictitious form; a perfectly blank book; + or one in which entries were only made with a peculiar kind of invisible + ink to become legible at some indefinite time; and that he never troubled + it at all. + </p> + <p> + ‘It would sadly pinch and cramp me, my dear friend,’ repeated Mr + Pecksniff, ‘but Providence—perhaps I may be permitted to say a + special Providence—has blessed my endeavours, and I could guarantee + to make the sacrifice.’ + </p> + <p> + A question of philosophy arises here, whether Mr Pecksniff had or had not + good reason to say that he was specially patronized and encouraged in his + undertakings. All his life long he had been walking up and down the narrow + ways and by-places, with a hook in one hand and a crook in the other, + scraping all sorts of valuable odds and ends into his pouch. Now, there + being a special Providence in the fall of a sparrow, it follows (so Mr + Pecksniff, and only such admirable men, would have reasoned), that there + must also be a special Providence in the alighting of the stone or stick, + or other substance which is aimed at the sparrow. And Mr Pecksniff’s hook, + or crook, having invariably knocked the sparrow on the head and brought + him down, that gentleman may have been led to consider himself as + specially licensed to bag sparrows, and as being specially seized and + possessed of all the birds he had got together. That many undertakings, + national as well as individual—but especially the former—are + held to be specially brought to a glorious and successful issue, which + never could be so regarded on any other process of reasoning, must be + clear to all men. Therefore the precedents would seem to show that Mr + Pecksniff had (as things go) good argument for what he said and might be + permitted to say it, and did not say it presumptuously, vainly, or + arrogantly, but in a spirit of high faith and great wisdom. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas, not being much accustomed to perplex his mind with theories of + this nature, expressed no opinion on the subject. Nor did he receive his + companion’s announcement with one solitary syllable, good, bad, or + indifferent. He preserved this taciturnity for a quarter of an hour at + least, and during the whole of that time appeared to be steadily engaged + in subjecting some given amount to the operation of every known rule in + figures; adding to it, taking from it, multiplying it, reducing it by long + and short division; working it by the rule-of-three direct and inversed; + exchange or barter; practice; simple interest; compound interest; and + other means of arithmetical calculation. The result of these labours + appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did break silence, it was as one + who had arrived at some specific result, and freed himself from a state of + distressing uncertainty. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, old Pecksniff!’—Such was his jocose address, as he slapped + that gentleman on the back, at the end of the stage—‘let’s have + something!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘With all my heart,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let’s treat the driver,’ cried Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you think it won’t hurt the man, or render him discontented with his + station—certainly,’ faltered Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coach-top with great + alacrity, cut a cumbersome kind of caper in the road. After which, he went + into the public-house, and there ordered spirituous drink to such an + extent, that Mr Pecksniff had some doubts of his perfect sanity, until + Jonas set them quite at rest by saying, when the coach could wait no + longer: + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ve been standing treat for a whole week and more, and letting you have + all the delicacies of the season. <i>You </i>shall pay for this Pecksniff.’ It + was not a joke either, as Mr Pecksniff at first supposed; for he went off + to the coach without further ceremony, and left his respected victim to + settle the bill. + </p> + <p> + But Mr Pecksniff was a man of meek endurance, and Mr Jonas was his friend. + Moreover, his regard for that gentleman was founded, as we know, on pure + esteem, and a knowledge of the excellence of his character. He came out + from the tavern with a smiling face, and even went so far as to repeat the + performance, on a less expensive scale, at the next ale-house. There was a + certain wildness in the spirits of Mr Jonas (not usually a part of his + character) which was far from being subdued by these means, and, for the + rest of the journey, he was so very buoyant—it may be said, + boisterous—that Mr Pecksniff had some difficulty in keeping pace + with him. + </p> + <p> + They were not expected—oh dear, no! Mr Pecksniff had proposed in + London to give the girls a surprise, and had said he wouldn’t write a word + to prepare them on any account, in order that he and Mr Jonas might take + them unawares, and just see what they were doing, when they thought their + dear papa was miles and miles away. As a consequence of this playful + device, there was nobody to meet them at the finger-post, but that was of + small consequence, for they had come down by the day coach, and Mr + Pecksniff had only a carpetbag, while Mr Jonas had only a portmanteau. + They took the portmanteau between them, put the bag upon it, and walked + off up the lane without delay; Mr Pecksniff already going on tiptoe as if, + without this precaution, his fond children, being then at a distance of a + couple of miles or so, would have some filial sense of his approach. + </p> + <p> + It was a lovely evening in the spring-time of the year; and in the soft + stillness of the twilight, all nature was very calm and beautiful. The day + had been fine and warm; but at the coming on of night, the air grew cool, + and in the mellowing distance smoke was rising gently from the cottage + chimneys. There were a thousand pleasant scents diffused around, from + young leaves and fresh buds; the cuckoo had been singing all day long, and + was but just now hushed; the smell of earth newly-upturned, first breath + of hope to the first labourer after his garden withered, was fragrant in + the evening breeze. It was a time when most men cherish good resolves, and + sorrow for the wasted past; when most men, looking on the shadows as they + gather, think of that evening which must close on all, and that to-morrow + which has none beyond. + </p> + <p> + ‘Precious dull,’ said Mr Jonas, looking about. ‘It’s enough to make a man + go melancholy mad.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We shall have lights and a fire soon,’ observed Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘We shall need ‘em by the time we get there,’ said Jonas. ‘Why the devil + don’t you talk? What are you thinking of?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To tell you the truth, Mr Jonas,’ said Pecksniff with great solemnity, + ‘my mind was running at that moment on our late dear friend, your departed + father.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas immediately let his burden fall, and said, threatening him with + his hand: + </p> + <p> + ‘Drop that, Pecksniff!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff not exactly knowing whether allusion was made to the subject + or the portmanteau, stared at his friend in unaffected surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘Drop it, I say!’ cried Jonas, fiercely. ‘Do you hear? Drop it, now and + for ever. You had better, I give you notice!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was quite a mistake,’ urged Mr Pecksniff, very much dismayed; ‘though + I admit it was foolish. I might have known it was a tender string.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t talk to me about tender strings,’ said Jonas, wiping his forehead + with the cuff of his coat. ‘I’m not going to be crowed over by you, + because I don’t like dead company.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had got out the words ‘Crowed over, Mr Jonas!’ when that + young man, with a dark expression in his countenance, cut him short once + more: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind!’ he said. ‘I won’t have it. I advise you not to revive the subject, + neither to me nor anybody else. You can take a hint, if you choose as well + as another man. There’s enough said about it. Come along!’ + </p> + <p> + Taking up his part of the load again, when he had said these words, he + hurried on so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at the other end of the portmanteau, + found himself dragged forward, in a very inconvenient and ungraceful + manner, to the great detriment of what is called by fancy gentlemen ‘the + bark’ upon his shins, which were most unmercifully bumped against the hard + leather and the iron buckles. In the course of a few minutes, however, Mr + Jonas relaxed his speed, and suffered his companion to come up with him, + and to bring the portmanteau into a tolerably straight position. + </p> + <p> + It was pretty clear that he regretted his late outbreak, and that he + mistrusted its effect on Mr Pecksniff; for as often as that gentleman + glanced towards Mr Jonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at him, which was a + new source of embarrassment. It was but a short-lived one, though, for Mr + Jonas soon began to whistle, whereupon Mr Pecksniff, taking his cue from + his friend, began to hum a tune melodiously. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty nearly there, ain’t we?’ said Jonas, when this had lasted some + time. + </p> + <p> + ‘Close, my dear friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’ll they be doing, do you suppose?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Impossible to say,’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Giddy truants! They may be away + from home, perhaps. I was going to—he! he! he!—I was going to + propose,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘that we should enter by the back way, and + come upon them like a clap of thunder, Mr Jonas.’ + </p> + <p> + It might not have been easy to decide in respect of which of their + manifold properties, Jonas, Mr Pecksniff, the carpet-bag, and the + portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr Jonas giving + his assent to this proposal, they stole round into the back yard, and + softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through which the mingled + light of fire and candle shone upon the darkening night. + </p> + <p> + Truly Mr Pecksniff is blessed in his children—in one of them, at any + rate. The prudent Cherry—staff and scrip, and treasure of her doting + father—there she sits, at a little table white as driven snow, + before the kitchen fire, making up accounts! See the neat maiden, as with + pen in hand, and calculating look addressed towards the ceiling and bunch + of keys within a little basket at her side, she checks the housekeeping + expenditure! From flat-iron, dish-cover, and warming-pan; from pot and + kettle, face of brass footman, and black-leaded stove; bright glances of + approbation wink and glow upon her. The very onions dangling from the + beam, mantle and shine like cherubs’ cheeks. Something of the influence of + those vegetables sinks into Mr Pecksniff’s nature. He weeps. + </p> + <p> + It is but for a moment, and he hides it from the observation of his friend—very + carefully—by a somewhat elaborate use of his pocket-handkerchief, in + fact; for he would not have his weakness known. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pleasant,’ he murmured, ‘pleasant to a father’s feelings! My dear girl! + Shall we let her know we are here, Mr Jonas?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I suppose you don’t mean to spend the evening in the stable, or the + coach-house,’ he returned. + </p> + <p> + ‘That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to <i>you</i>, my friend,’ + cried Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand. And then he took a long breath, and + tapping at the window, shouted with stentorian blandness: + </p> + <p> + ‘Boh!’ + </p> + <p> + Cherry dropped her pen and screamed. But innocence is ever bold, or should + be. As they opened the door, the valiant girl exclaimed in a firm voice, + and with a presence of mind which even in that trying moment did not + desert her, ‘Who are you? What do you want? Speak! or I will call my Pa.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff held out his arms. She knew him instantly, and rushed into + his fond embrace. + </p> + <p> + ‘It was thoughtless of us, Mr Jonas, it was very thoughtless,’ said + Pecksniff, smoothing his daugther’s hair. ‘My darling, do you see that I + am not alone!’ + </p> + <p> + Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She saw Mr Jonas + now, though; and blushed, and hung her head down, as she gave him welcome. + </p> + <p> + But where was Merry? Mr Pecksniff didn’t ask the question in reproach, but + in a vein of mildness touched with a gentle sorrow. She was upstairs, + reading on the parlour couch. Ah! Domestic details had no charms for <i>her</i>. + ‘But call her down,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a placid resignation. ‘Call + her down, my love.’ + </p> + <p> + She was called and came, all flushed and tumbled from reposing on the + sofa; but none the worse for that. No, not at all. Rather the better, if + anything. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh my goodness me!’ cried the arch girl, turning to her cousin when she + had kissed her father on both cheeks, and in her frolicsome nature had + bestowed a supernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, ‘<i>You </i>here, + fright! Well, I’m very thankful that you won’t trouble <i>me</i> much!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What! you’re as lively as ever, are you?’ said Jonas. ‘Oh! You’re a + wicked one!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There, go along!’ retorted Merry, pushing him away. ‘I’m sure I don’t + know what I shall ever do, if I have to see much of you. Go along, for + gracious’ sake!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff striking in here, with a request that Mr Jonas would + immediately walk upstairs, he so far complied with the young lady’s + adjuration as to go at once. But though he had the fair Cherry on his arm, + he could not help looking back at her sister, and exchanging some further + dialogue of the same bantering description, as they all four ascended to + the parlour; where—for the young ladies happened, by good fortune, + to be a little later than usual that night—the tea-board was at that + moment being set out. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pinch was not at home, so they had it all to themselves, and were very + snug and talkative, Jonas sitting between the two sisters, and displaying + his gallantry in that engaging manner which was peculiar to him. It was a + hard thing, Mr Pecksniff said, when tea was done, and cleared away, to + leave so pleasant a little party, but having some important papers to + examine in his own apartment, he must beg them to excuse him for half an + hour. With this apology he withdrew, singing a careless strain as he went. + He had not been gone five minutes, when Merry, who had been sitting in the + window, apart from Jonas and her sister, burst into a half-smothered + laugh, and skipped towards the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo!’ cried Jonas. ‘Don’t go.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, I dare say!’ rejoined Merry, looking back. ‘You’re very anxious I + should stay, fright, ain’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I am,’ said Jonas. ‘Upon my word I am. I want to speak to you.’ But + as she left the room notwithstanding, he ran out after her, and brought + her back, after a short struggle in the passage which scandalized Miss + Cherry very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word, Merry,’ urged that young lady, ‘I wonder at you! There are + bounds even to absurdity, my dear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, my sweet,’ said Merry, pursing up her rosy Lips. ‘Much obliged + to it for its advice. Oh! do leave me alone, you monster, do!’ This + entreaty was wrung from her by a new proceeding on the part of Mr Jonas, + who pulled her down, all breathless as she was, into a seat beside him on + the sofa, having at the same time Miss Cherry upon the other side. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ said Jonas, clasping the waist of each; ‘I have got both arms full, + haven’t I?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One of them will be black and blue to-morrow, if you don’t let me go,’ + cried the playful Merry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! I don’t mind <i>your </i>pinching,’ grinned Jonas, ‘a bit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,’ said Mercy. ‘I never did hate anybody so + much as I hate this creature, I declare!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, don’t say that,’ urged Jonas, ‘and don’t pinch either, because I + want to be serious. I say—Cousin Charity—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! what?’ she answered sharply. + </p> + <p> + ‘I want to have some sober talk,’ said Jonas; ‘I want to prevent any + mistakes, you know, and to put everything upon a pleasant understanding. + That’s desirable and proper, ain’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + Neither of the sisters spoke a word. Mr Jonas paused and cleared his + throat, which was very dry. + </p> + <p> + ‘She’ll not believe what I am going to say, will she, cousin?’ said Jonas, + timidly squeezing Miss Charity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Really, Mr Jonas, I don’t know, until I hear what it is. It’s quite + impossible!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you see,’ said Jonas, ‘her way always being to make game of people, + I know she’ll laugh, or pretend to—I know that, beforehand. But you + can tell her I’m in earnest, cousin; can’t you? You’ll confess you know, + won’t you? You’ll be honourable, I’m sure,’ he added persuasively. + </p> + <p> + No answer. His throat seemed to grow hotter and hotter, and to be more and + more difficult of control. + </p> + <p> + ‘You see, Cousin Charity,’ said Jonas, ‘nobody but you can tell her what + pains I took to get into her company when you were both at the + boarding-house in the city, because nobody’s so well aware of it, you + know. Nobody else can tell her how hard I tried to get to know you better, + in order that I might get to know her without seeming to wish it; can + they? I always asked you about her, and said where had she gone, and when + would she come, and how lively she was, and all that; didn’t I, cousin? I + know you’ll tell her so, if you haven’t told her so already, and—and—I + dare say you have, because I’m sure you’re honourable, ain’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + Still not a word. The right arm of Mr Jonas—the elder sister sat + upon his right—may have been sensible of some tumultuous throbbing + which was not within itself; but nothing else apprised him that his words + had had the least effect. + </p> + <p> + ‘Even if you kept it to yourself, and haven’t told her,’ resumed Jonas, + ‘it don’t much matter, because you’ll bear honest witness now; won’t you? + We’ve been very good friends from the first; haven’t we? and of course we + shall be quite friends in future, and so I don’t mind speaking before you + a bit. Cousin Mercy, you’ve heard what I’ve been saying. She’ll confirm + it, every word; she must. Will you have me for your husband? Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + As he released his hold of Charity, to put this question with better + effect, she started up and hurried away to her own room, marking her + progress as she went by such a train of passionate and incoherent sound, + as nothing but a slighted woman in her anger could produce. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me go away. Let me go after her,’ said Merry, pushing him off, and + giving him—to tell the truth—more than one sounding slap upon + his outstretched face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not till you say yes. You haven’t told me. Will you have me for your + husband?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I won’t. I can’t bear the sight of you. I have told you so a hundred + times. You are a fright. Besides, I always thought you liked my sister + best. We all thought so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But that wasn’t my fault,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes it was; you know it was.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Any trick is fair in love,’ said Jonas. ‘She may have thought I liked her + best, but you didn’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I did!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, you didn’t. You never could have thought I liked her best, when you + were by.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s no accounting for tastes,’ said Merry; ‘at least I didn’t mean to + say that. I don’t know what I mean. Let me go to her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Say “Yes,” and then I will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I ever brought myself to say so, it should only be that I might hate + and tease you all my life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s as good,’ cried Jonas, ‘as saying it right out. It’s a bargain, + cousin. We’re a pair, if ever there was one.’ + </p> + <p> + This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing and + slapping; and then the fair but much dishevelled Merry broke away, and + followed in the footsteps of her sister. + </p> + <p> + Now whether Mr Pecksniff had been listening—which in one of his + character appears impossible; or divined almost by inspiration what the + matter was—which, in a man of his sagacity is far more probable; or + happened by sheer good fortune to find himself in exactly the right place, + at precisely the right time—which, under the special guardianship in + which he lived might very reasonably happen; it is quite certain that at + the moment when the sisters came together in their own room, he appeared + at the chamber door. And a marvellous contrast it was—they so + heated, noisy, and vehement; he so calm, so self-possessed, so cool and + full of peace, that not a hair upon his head was stirred. + </p> + <p> + ‘Children!’ said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, but not + before he had shut the door, and set his back against it. ‘Girls! + Daughters! What is this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The wretch; the apostate; the false, mean, odious villain; has before my + very face proposed to Mercy!’ was his eldest daughter’s answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who has proposed to Mercy!’ asked Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>He</i> has. That thing, Jonas, downstairs.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas proposed to Mercy?’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Aye, aye! Indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you nothing else to say?’ cried Charity. ‘Am I to be driven mad, + papa? He has proposed to Mercy, not to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, fie! For shame!’ said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. ‘Oh, for shame! Can the + triumph of a sister move you to this terrible display, my child? Oh, + really this is very sad! I am sorry; I am surprised and hurt to see you + so. Mercy, my girl, bless you! See to her. Ah, envy, envy, what a passion + you are!’ + </p> + <p> + Uttering this apostrophe in a tone full of grief and lamentation, Mr + Pecksniff left the room (taking care to shut the door behind him), and + walked downstairs into the parlour. There he found his intended + son-in-law, whom he seized by both hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart is now + fulfilled!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well; I’m glad to hear it,’ said Jonas. ‘That’ll do. I say! As it + ain’t the one you’re so fond of, you must come down with another thousand, + Pecksniff. You must make it up five. It’s worth that, to keep your + treasure to yourself, you know. You get off very cheap that way, and + haven’t a sacrifice to make.’ + </p> + <p> + The grin with which he accompanied this, set off his other attractions to + such unspeakable advantage, that even Mr Pecksniff lost his presence of + mind for a moment, and looked at the young man as if he were quite + stupefied with wonder and admiration. But he quickly regained his + composure, and was in the very act of changing the subject, when a hasty + step was heard without, and Tom Pinch, in a state of great excitement, + came darting into the room. + </p> + <p> + On seeing a stranger there, apparently engaged with Mr Pecksniff in + private conversation, Tom was very much abashed, though he still looked as + if he had something of great importance to communicate, which would be a + sufficient apology for his intrusion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, ‘this is hardly decent. You will excuse my + saying that I think your conduct scarcely decent, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir,’ replied Tom, ‘for not knocking at the door.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Rather beg this gentleman’s pardon, Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff. ‘I know + you; he does not.—My young man, Mr Jonas.’ + </p> + <p> + The son-in-law that was to be gave him a slight nod—not actively + disdainful or contemptuous, only passively; for he was in a good humour. + </p> + <p> + ‘Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?’ said Tom. ‘It’s + rather pressing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr Pinch,’ + returned his master. ‘Excuse me for one moment, my dear friend. Now, sir, + what is the reason of this rough intrusion?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very sorry, sir, I am sure,’ said Tom, standing, cap in hand, before + his patron in the passage; ‘and I know it must have a very rude appearance—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It <i>has </i>a very rude appearance, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I feel that, sir; but the truth is, I was so surprised to see them, + and knew you would be too, that I ran home very fast indeed, and really + hadn’t enough command over myself to know what I was doing very well. I + was in the church just now, sir, touching the organ for my own amusement, + when I happened to look round, and saw a gentleman and lady standing in + the aisle listening. They seemed to be strangers, sir, as well as I could + make out in the dusk; and I thought I didn’t know them; so presently I + left off, and said, would they walk up into the organ-loft, or take a + seat? No, they said, they wouldn’t do that; but they thanked me for the + music they had heard. In fact,’ observed Tom, blushing, ‘they said, + “Delicious music!” at least, <i>she </i>did; and I am sure that was a greater + pleasure and honour to me than any compliment I could have had. I—I—beg + your pardon sir;’ he was all in a tremble, and dropped his hat for the + second time ‘but I—I’m rather flurried, and I fear I’ve wandered + from the point.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you will come back to it, Thomas,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with an icy + look, ‘I shall feel obliged.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ returned Tom, ‘certainly. They had a posting carriage at the + porch, sir, and had stopped to hear the organ, they said. And then they + said—<i>she </i>said, I mean, “I believe you live with Mr Pecksniff, sir?” + I said I had that honour, and I took the liberty, sir,’ added Tom, raising + his eyes to his benefactor’s face, ‘of saying, as I always will and must, + with your permission, that I was under great obligations to you, and never + could express my sense of them sufficiently.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘was very, very wrong. Take your time, Mr + Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, sir,’ cried Tom. ‘On that they asked me—she asked, I + mean—“Wasn’t there a bridle road to Mr Pecksniff’s house?”’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff suddenly became full of interest. + </p> + <p> + ‘“Without going by the Dragon?” When I said there was, and said how happy + I should be to show it ‘em, they sent the carriage on by the road, and + came with me across the meadows. I left ‘em at the turnstile to run + forward and tell you they were coming, and they’ll be here, sir, in—in + less than a minute’s time, I should say,’ added Tom, fetching his breath + with difficulty. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, who,’ said Mr Pecksniff, pondering, ‘who may these people be?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless my soul, sir!’ cried Tom, ‘I meant to mention that at first, I + thought I had. I knew them—her, I mean—directly. The gentleman + who was ill at the Dragon, sir, last winter; and the young lady who + attended him.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s teeth chattered in his head, and he positively staggered with + amazement, at witnessing the extraordinary effect produced on Mr Pecksniff + by these simple words. The dread of losing the old man’s favour almost as + soon as they were reconciled, through the mere fact of having Jonas in the + house; the impossibility of dismissing Jonas, or shutting him up, or tying + him hand and foot and putting him in the coal-cellar, without offending + him beyond recall; the horrible discordance prevailing in the + establishment, and the impossibility of reducing it to decent harmony with + Charity in loud hysterics, Mercy in the utmost disorder, Jonas in the + parlour, and Martin Chuzzlewit and his young charge upon the very + doorsteps; the total hopelessness of being able to disguise or feasibly + explain this state of rampant confusion; the sudden accumulation over his + devoted head of every complicated perplexity and entanglement for his + extrication from which he had trusted to time, good fortune, chance, and + his own plotting, so filled the entrapped architect with dismay, that if + Tom could have been a Gorgon staring at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff + could have been a Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not have horrified + each other half so much as in their own bewildered persons. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear, dear!’ cried Tom, ‘what have I done? I hoped it would be a pleasant + surprise, sir. I thought you would like to know.’ + </p> + <p> + But at that moment a loud knocking was heard at the hall door. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE + </h2> + <p> + MORE AMERICAN EXPERIENCES, MARTIN TAKES A PARTNER, AND MAKES A PURCHASE. + SOME ACCOUNT OF EDEN, AS IT APPEARED ON PAPER. ALSO OF THE BRITISH LION. + ALSO OF THE KIND OF SYMPATHY PROFESSED AND ENTERTAINED BY THE WATERTOAST + ASSOCIATION OF UNITED SYMPATHISERS + </p> + <p> + The knocking at Mr Pecksniff’s door, though loud enough, bore no + resemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at full + speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frank + admission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafening + this history’s ears have any connection with the knocker on Mr Pecksniff’s + door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty equally divided between + that worthy man and Mr Pinch, of which its strong performance was the + cause. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff’s house is more than a thousand leagues away; and again this + happy chronicle has Liberty and Moral Sensibility for its high companions. + Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; again it contemplates + with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasar nothing that is + his; again inhales that sacred atmosphere which was the life of him—oh + noble patriot, with many followers!—who dreamed of Freedom in a + slave’s embrace, and waking sold her offspring and his own in public + markets. + </p> + <p> + How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tram-road shakes, as the train + rushes on! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and tortured like a + living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel and iron + are of infinitely greater account, in this commonwealth, than flesh and + blood. If the cunning work of man be urged beyond its power of endurance, + it has within it the elements of its own revenge; whereas the wretched + mechanism of the Divine Hand is dangerous with no such property, but may + be tampered with, and crushed, and broken, at the driver’s pleasure. Look + at that engine! It shall cost a man more dollars in the way of penalty and + fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law, to deface in wantonness that + senseless mass of metal, than to take the lives of twenty human creatures! + Thus the stars wink upon the bloody stripes; and Liberty pulls down her + cap upon her eyes, and owns Oppression in its vilest aspect, for her + sister. + </p> + <p> + The engine-driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present chapter + was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these; nor is it very + probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all. He leaned + with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of the carriage, + smoking; and, except when he expressed, by a grunt as short as his pipe, + his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part of his + colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs of wood + from the tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line, he preserved a + composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete, that if the + locomotive had been a sucking-pig, he could not have been more perfectly + indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquil state of this + officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was proceeding with + tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly laid, the jolts and + bumps it met with in its progress were neither slight nor few. + </p> + <p> + There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies’ car, the + gentlemen’s car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted black, as an + appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley were in the + first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being far from full, received + other gentlemen who, like them, were unblessed by the society of ladies of + their own. They were seated side by side, and were engaged in earnest + conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘And so, Mark,’ said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression, + ‘and so you are glad we have left New York far behind us, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ said Mark. ‘I am. Precious glad.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Were you not “jolly” there?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘On the contrairy, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘The jolliest week as ever I spent + in my life, was that there week at Pawkins’s.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you think of our prospects?’ inquired Martin, with an air that + plainly said he had avoided the question for some time. + </p> + <p> + ‘Uncommon bright, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘Impossible for a place to have a + better name, sir, than the Walley of Eden. No man couldn’t think of + settling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And I’m told,’ added + Mark, after a pause, ‘as there’s lots of serpents there, so we shall come + out, quite complete and reg’lar.’ + </p> + <p> + So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with the + least dismay, Mark’s face grew radiant as he called it to mind; so very + radiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life been + yearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight the + approaching consummation of his fondest wishes. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who told you that?’ asked Martin, sternly. + </p> + <p> + ‘A military officer,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!’ cried Martin, laughing heartily in + spite of himself. ‘What military officer? You know they spring up in every + field.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,’ interposed Mark, ‘which is a + sort of milita themselves, being entirely coat and wescoat, with a stick + inside. Ha, ha!—Don’t mind me, sir; it’s my way sometimes. I can’t + help being jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors at Pawkins’s, + as told me. “Am I rightly informed,” he says—not exactly through his + nose, but as if he’d got a stoppage in it, very high up—“that you’re + a-going to the Walley of Eden?” “I heard some talk on it,” I told him. + “Oh!” says he, “if you should ever happen to go to bed there—you + <i>may</i>, you know,” he says, “in course of time as civilisation progresses—don’t + forget to take a axe with you.” I looks at him tolerable hard. “Fleas?” + says I. “And more,” says he. “Wampires?” says I. “And more,” says he. + “Musquitoes, perhaps?” says I. “And more,” says he. “What more?” says I. + “Snakes more,” says he; “rattle-snakes. You’re right to a certain extent, + stranger. There air some catawampous chawers in the small way too, as + graze upon a human pretty strong; but don’t mind <i>them</i>—they’re + company. It’s snakes,” he says, “as you’ll object to; and whenever you + wake and see one in a upright poster on your bed,” he says, “like a + corkscrew with the handle off a-sittin’ on its bottom ring, cut him down, + for he means wenom.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before!’ cried Martin, with an expression of + face which set off the cheerfulness of Mark’s visage to great advantage. + </p> + <p> + ‘I never thought on it, sir,’ said Mark. ‘It come in at one ear, and went + out at the other. But Lord love us, he was one of another Company, I dare + say, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, and not the + opposition one.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s some probability in that,’ observed Martin. ‘I can honestly say + that I hope so, with all my heart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ve not a doubt about it, sir,’ returned Mark, who, full of the + inspiriting influence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the moment + forgotten its probable effect upon his master; ‘anyhow, we must live, you + know, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Live!’ cried Martin. ‘Yes, it’s easy to say live; but if we should happen + not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of themselves upon our + beds, it may be not so easy to do it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And that’s a fact,’ said a voice so close in his ear that it tickled him. + ‘That’s dreadful true.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, had + thrust his head between himself and Mark, and sat with his chin resting on + the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with their + conversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of the + gentlemen they had seen; his cheeks were so hollow that he seemed to be + always sucking them in; and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome red or + brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes, which he kept half + closed; only peeping out of the corners, and even then with a glance that + seemed to say, ‘Now you won’t overreach me; you want to, but you won’t.’ + His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward; in the palm + of his left hand, as English rustics have their slice of cheese, he had a + cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struck into the dialogue with + as little reserve as if he had been specially called in, days before, to + hear the arguments on both sides, and favour them with his opinion; and he + no more contemplated or cared for the possibility of their not desiring + the honour of his acquaintance or interference in their private affairs + than if he had been a bear or a buffalo. + </p> + <p> + ‘That,’ he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outer + barbarian and foreigner, ‘is dreadful true. Darn all manner of vermin.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed to + insinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously ‘darned’ himself. But + remembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled with the + pleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a notice. + </p> + <p> + Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed in cutting + a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling softly to himself + the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out his old plug, + and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Mark and Martin, + while he thrust the new one into the hollow of his cheek, where it looked + like a large walnut, or tolerable pippin. Finding it quite satisfactory, + he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug, and holding it out for + their inspection, remarked with the air of a man who had not lived in + vain, that it was ‘used up considerable.’ Then he tossed it away; put his + knife into one pocket and his tobacco into another; rested his chin upon + the rail as before; and approving of the pattern on Martin’s waistcoat, + reached out his hand to feel the texture of that garment. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you call this now?’ he asked. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word’ said Martin, ‘I don’t know what it’s called.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’ll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I really don’t know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In my country,’ said the gentleman, ‘we know the cost of our own + pro-duce.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin not discussing the question, there was a pause. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently during + the whole interval of silence; ‘how’s the unnat’ral old parent by this + time?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the + impertinent English question, ‘How’s your mother?’ would have resented it + instantly, but for Martin’s prompt interposition. + </p> + <p> + ‘You mean the old country?’ he said. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ was the reply. ‘How’s she? Progressing back’ards, I expect, as + usual? Well! How’s Queen Victoria?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In good health, I believe,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Queen Victoria won’t shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hears + to-morrow named,’ observed the stranger, ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not that I am aware of. Why should she?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She won’t be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is being + done in these diggings,’ said the stranger. ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Martin. ‘I think I could take my oath of that.’ + </p> + <p> + The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance or + prejudice, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir, I tell you this—there ain’t a engine with its biler + bust, in God A’mighty’s free U-nited States, so fixed, and nipped, and + frizzled to a most e-tarnal smash, as that young critter, in her luxurious + location in the Tower of London will be, when she reads the next + double-extra Watertoast Gazette.’ + </p> + <p> + Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during the + foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this speech. One very + lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long white waistcoat, and a + black great-coat, who seemed to be in authority among them, felt called + upon to acknowledge it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hem! Mr La Fayette Kettle,’ he said, taking off his hat. + </p> + <p> + There was a grave murmur of ‘Hush!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr La Fayette Kettle! Sir!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Kettle bowed. + </p> + <p> + ‘In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common country, + and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in which we are + engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of the Watertoast + Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name of the Watertoast Gazette; + and I thank you, sir, in the name of the star-spangled banner of the Great + United States, for your eloquent and categorical exposition. And if, sir,’ + said the speaker, poking Martin with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak + his attention, for he was listening to a whisper from Mark; ‘if, sir, in + such a place, and at such a time, I might venture to con-clude with a + sentiment, glancing—however slantin’dicularly—at the subject + in hand, I would say, sir, may the British Lion have his talons eradicated + by the noble bill of the American Eagle, and be taught to play upon the + Irish Harp and the Scotch Fiddle that music which is breathed in every + empty shell that lies upon the shores of green Co-lumbia!’ + </p> + <p> + Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; and + every one looked very grave. + </p> + <p> + ‘General Choke,’ said Mr La Fayette Kettle, ‘you warm my heart; sir, you + warm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, sir; and I + should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word,’ cried Martin, laughing, ‘since you do me the honour to + consider me his representative, I have only to say that I never heard of + Queen Victoria reading the What’s-his-name Gazette and that I should + scarcely think it probable.’ + </p> + <p> + General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignant + explanation: + </p> + <p> + ‘It is sent to her, sir. It is sent to her. Her mail.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come to + hand, I fear,’ returned Martin; ‘for she don’t live there.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Queen of England, gentlemen,’ observed Mr Tapley, affecting the + greatest politeness, and regarding them with an immovable face, ‘usually + lives in the Mint to take care of the money. She <i>has </i>lodgings, in virtue + of her office, with the Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don’t often + occupy them, in consequence of the parlour chimney smoking.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark,’ said Martin, ‘I shall be very much obliged to you if you’ll have + the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, however jocose + they may appear to you. I was merely remarking gentlemen—though it’s + a point of very little import—that the Queen of England does not + happen to live in the Tower of London.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘General!’ cried Mr La Fayette Kettle. ‘You hear?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘General!’ echoed several others. ‘General!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush! Pray, silence!’ said General Choke, holding up his hand, and + speaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quite + touching. ‘I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary circumstance, + which I impute to the natur’ of British Institutions and their tendency to + suppress that popular inquiry and information which air so widely diffused + even in the trackless forests of this vast Continent of the Western Ocean; + that the knowledge of Britishers themselves on such points is not to be + compared with that possessed by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. + This is interesting, and confirms my observation. When you say, sir,’ he + continued, addressing Martin, ‘that your Queen does not reside in the + Tower of London, you fall into an error, not uncommon to your countrymen, + even when their abilities and moral elements air such as to command + respect. But, sir, you air wrong. She <i>does </i>live there—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When she is at the Court of Saint James’s,’ interposed Kettle. + </p> + <p> + ‘When she is at the Court of Saint James’s, of course,’ returned the + General, in the same benignant way; ‘for if her location was in Windsor + Pavilion it couldn’t be in London at the same time. Your Tower of London, + sir,’ pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness of his + knowledge, ‘is nat’rally your royal residence. Being located in the + immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your Drives, your Triumphant + Arches, your Opera, and your Royal Almacks, it nat’rally suggests itself + as the place for holding a luxurious and thoughtless court. And, + consequently,’ said the General, ‘consequently, the court is held there.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you been in England?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘In print I have, sir,’ said the General, ‘not otherwise. We air a reading + people here, sir. You will meet with much information among us that will + surprise you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not the least doubt of it,’ returned Martin. But here he was + interrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear: + </p> + <p> + ‘You know General Choke?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ returned Martin, in the same tone. + </p> + <p> + ‘You know what he is considered?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One of the most remarkable men in the country?’ said Martin, at a + venture. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s a fact,’ rejoined Kettle. ‘I was sure you must have heard of him!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think,’ said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, ‘that I + have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction to you, + sir. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,’ he added, giving it to him. + </p> + <p> + The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping to + glance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he came over + to Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ he said, ‘and you think of settling in Eden?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Subject to your opinion, and the agent’s advice,’ replied Martin. ‘I am + told there is nothing to be done in the old towns.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can introduce you to the agent, sir,’ said the General. ‘I know him. In + fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself.’ + </p> + <p> + This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stress upon + the General’s having no connection, as he thought, with any land company, + and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice. The General + explained that he had joined the Corporation only a few weeks ago, and + that no communication had passed between himself and Mr Bevan since. + </p> + <p> + ‘We have very little to venture,’ said Martin anxiously—‘only a few + pounds—but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of my + profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ observed the General, gravely, ‘if there wasn’t any hope or chance + in the speculation, it wouldn’t have engaged my dollars, I opinionate.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t mean for the sellers,’ said Martin. ‘For the buyers—for the + buyers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For the buyers, sir?’ observed the General, in a most impressive manner. + ‘Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, that has piled + up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped ‘em for ages. We are a + new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here, sir; we have not + the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of time into degenerate + practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is man in all his + dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,’ said the General, + setting up his umbrella to represent himself, and a villanous-looking + umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for the sterling coin of his + benevolence, ‘here am I with grey hairs sir, and a moral sense. Would I, + with my principles, invest capital in this speculation if I didn’t think + it full of hopes and chances for my brother man?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found it + difficult. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are the Great United States for, sir,’ pursued the General ‘if not + for the regeneration of man? But it is nat’ral in you to make such an + enquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my country.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then you think,’ said Martin, ‘that allowing for the hardships we are + prepared to undergo, there is a reasonable—Heaven knows we don’t + expect much—a reasonable opening in this place?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the agent; see + the maps and plans, sir; and conclude to go or stay, according to the + natur’ of the settlement. Eden hadn’t need to go a-begging yet, sir,’ + remarked the General. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is an awful lovely place, sure-ly. And frightful wholesome, likewise!’ + said Mr Kettle, who had made himself a party to this conversation as a + matter of course. + </p> + <p> + Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason than + because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would be + ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise to + put him in personal communication with the agent; and ‘concluded’ to see + that officer next morning. He then begged the General to inform him who + the Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr + La Fayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their Sympathy. To + which the General, looking very serious, made answer, that he might fully + enlighten himself on those points to-morrow by attending a Great Meeting + of the Body, which would then be held at the town to which they were + travelling; ‘over which, sir,’ said the General, ‘my fellow-citizens have + called on me to preside.’ + </p> + <p> + They came to their journey’s end late in the evening. Close to the railway + was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on which was painted + ‘<i>National Hotel</i>.’ There was a wooden gallery or verandah in front, in + which it was rather startling, when the train stopped, to behold a great + many pairs of boots and shoes, and the smoke of a great many cigars, but + no other evidences of human habitation. By slow degrees, however, some + heads and shoulders appeared, and connecting themselves with the boots and + shoes, led to the discovery that certain gentlemen boarders, who had a + fancy for putting their heels where the gentlemen boarders in other + countries usually put their heads, were enjoying themselves after their + own manner in the cool of the evening. + </p> + <p> + There was a great bar-room in this hotel, and a great public room in which + the general table was being set out for supper. There were interminable + whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairs and + downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sided + verandah to every story in the house, which formed a large brick square + with an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, where some clothes were + drying. Here and there, some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down with + their hands in their pockets; but within the house and without, wherever + half a dozen people were collected together, there, in their looks, dress, + morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation, were Mr Jefferson + Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr La Fayette + Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the same things; said the + same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced all subjects to, the same + standard. Observing how they lived, and how they were always in the + enchanting company of each other, Martin even began to comprehend their + being the social, cheerful, winning, airy men they were. + </p> + <p> + At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went trooping down + from all parts of the house to the public room; while from the + neighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in shoals; for half the + town, married folks as well as single, resided at the National Hotel. Tea, + coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast, preserves, and + bread and butter, were swallowed with the usual ravaging speed; and then, + as before, the company dropped off by degrees, and lounged away to the + desk, the counter, or the bar-room. The ladies had a smaller ordinary of + their own, to which their husbands and brothers were admitted if they + chose; and in all other respects they enjoyed themselves as at Pawkins’s. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his little + chamber, ‘we must hold a solemn council, for our fate is decided to-morrow + morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yours in the common + stock, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I hadn’t been determined to make that wentur, sir,’ answered Mr + Tapley, ‘I shouldn’t have come.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How much is there here, did you say’ asked Martin, holding up a little + bag. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings’ Bank said so at least. + I never counted it. But <i>they </i>know, bless you!’ said Mark, with a shake of + the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdom and + arithmetic of those Institutions. + </p> + <p> + ‘The money we brought with us,’ said Martin, ‘is reduced to a few + shillings less than eight pounds.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not be + supposed to attach any importance to this fact. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon the ring—<i>her </i>ring, Mark,’ said Martin, looking ruefully at his + empty finger— + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ sighed Mr Tapley. ‘Beg your pardon, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘—We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that, + your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the two you see. + Now, Mark,’ said Martin, in his old way, just as he might have spoken to + Tom Pinch, ‘I have thought of a means of making this up to you—more + than making it up to you, I hope—and very materially elevating your + prospects in life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! don’t talk of that, you know, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘I don’t want no + elevating, sir. I’m all right enough, sir, I am.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, but hear me,’ said Martin, ‘because this is very important to you, + and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner in the + business; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additional + capital, my professional knowledge and ability; and half the annual + profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.’ + </p> + <p> + Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his very + selfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguine + plans. Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness of patronizing + and most munificently rewarding Mark! + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know, sir,’ Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was, + though from a very different cause than Martin supposed, ‘what I can say + to this, in the way of thanking you. I’ll stand by you, sir, to the best + of my ability, and to the last. That’s all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We quite understand each other, my good fellow,’ said Martin rising in + self-approval and condescension. ‘We are no longer master and servant, but + friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If we determine on Eden, + the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under the name,’ + said Martin, who never hammered upon an idea that wasn’t red hot, ‘under + the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord love you, sir,’ cried Mark, ‘don’t have my name in it. I ain’t + acquainted with the business, sir. I must be Co., I must. I’ve often + thought,’ he added, in a low voice, ‘as I should like to know a Co.; but I + little thought as ever I should live to be one.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall have your own way, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank’ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way, + or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a skittle-ground made, I could take + that part of the bis’ness, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Against any architect in the States,’ said Martin. ‘Get a couple of + sherry-cobblers, Mark, and we’ll drink success to the firm.’ + </p> + <p> + Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no longer + master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be among the + legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his usual alacrity; + and before they parted for the night, it was agreed between them that they + should go together to the agent’s in the morning, but that Martin should + decide the Eden question, on his own sound judgment. And Mark made no + merit, even to himself in his jollity, of this concession; perfectly well + knowing that the matter would come to that in the end, any way. + </p> + <p> + The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and after + breakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent without loss of + time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off they all four started + for the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost within rifle-shot + of the National Hotel. + </p> + <p> + It was a small place—something like a turnpike. But a great deal of + land may be got into a dice-box, and why may not a whole territory be + bargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office too; for the + Edeners were ‘going’ to build a superb establishment for the transaction + of their business, and had already got so far as to mark out the site. + Which is a great way in America. The office-door was wide open, and in the + doorway was the agent; no doubt a tremendous fellow to get through his + work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but was swinging backwards and + forwards in a rocking-chair, with one of his legs planted high up against + the door-post, and the other doubled up under him, as if he were hatching + his foot. + </p> + <p> + He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. The + weather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar wide open; + so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch and jerk up in + his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when the notes are + struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly endeavouring to leap to his lips. + If so, it never reached them. + </p> + <p> + Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent’s head, but one of them had no + sight in it, and stood stock still. With that side of his face he seemed + to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile had a + distinct expression; and when the movable side was most in action, the + rigid one was in its coldest state of watchfulness. It was like turning + the man inside out, to pass to that view of his features in his liveliest + mood, and see how calculating and intent they were. + </p> + <p> + Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummet + line; but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes, as if the crow + whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them in a + savage recognition of his kindred nature as a bird of prey. + </p> + <p> + Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General saluted by + the name of Scadder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Gen’ral,’ he returned, ‘and how are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ac-tive and spry, sir, in my country’s service and the sympathetic cause. + Two gentlemen on business, Mr Scadder.’ + </p> + <p> + He shook hands with each of them—nothing is done in America without + shaking hands—then went on rocking. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think I know what bis’ness you have brought these strangers here upon, + then, Gen’ral?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir. I expect you may.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You air a tongue-y person, Gen’ral. For you talk too much, and that’s + fact,’ said Scadder. ‘You speak a-larming well in public, but you didn’t + ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!’ returned the General, + after pausing for consideration. + </p> + <p> + ‘You know we didn’t wish to sell the lots off right away to any loafer as + might bid,’ said Scadder; ‘but had con-cluded to reserve ‘em for + Aristocrats of Natur’. Yes!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20382m.jpg" alt="20382m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20382.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘And they are here, sir!’ cried the General with warmth. ‘They are here, + sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If they air here,’ returned the agent, in reproachful accents, ‘that’s + enough. But you didn’t ought to have your dander ris with <i>me</i>, Gen’ral.’ + </p> + <p> + The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow in the + world, and that he wouldn’t have given him offence designedly, for ten + thousand dollars. + </p> + <p> + ‘I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as I wish to + serve,’ said Scadder in a low voice, looking down the road and rocking + still. ‘They rile up rough, along of my objecting to their selling Eden + off too cheap. That’s human natur’! Well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Scadder,’ said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment. ‘Sir! + Here is my hand, and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and ask your + pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would not have brought + ‘em here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at present go entirely + too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these air partick’ler friends.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook the General + warmly by the hand, and got out of the rocking-chair to do it. He then + invited the General’s particular friends to accompany him into the office. + As to the General, he observed, with his usual benevolence, that being one + of the company, he wouldn’t interfere in the transaction on any account; + so he appropriated the rocking-chair to himself, and looked at the + prospect, like a good Samaritan waiting for a traveller. + </p> + <p> + ‘Heyday!’ cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupied + one whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it, + but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, a + homely desk, and a stool. ‘Heyday! what’s that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s Eden,’ said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of young + bayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I had no idea it was a city.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hadn’t you? Oh, it’s a city.’ + </p> + <p> + A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks, + churches, cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores, mansions, + wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of all kinds, down to + the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; all faithfully depicted + in the view before them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me! It’s really a most important place!’ cried Martin turning round. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! it’s very important,’ observed the agent. + </p> + <p> + ‘But, I am afraid,’ said Martin, glancing again at the Public Buildings, + ‘that there’s nothing left for me to do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! it ain’t all built,’ replied the agent. ‘Not quite.’ + </p> + <p> + This was a great relief. + </p> + <p> + ‘The market-place, now,’ said Martin. ‘Is that built?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That?’ said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock on the + top. ‘Let me see. No; that ain’t built.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Rather a good job to begin with—eh, Mark?’ whispered Martin nudging + him with his elbow. + </p> + <p> + Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan and the + agent by turns, merely rejoined ‘Uncommon!’ + </p> + <p> + A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or vacations of + his toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, and blew the dust off + the roof of the Theatre. + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose,’ said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan, but + showing by his tremulous voice how much depended, in his mind, upon the + answer; ‘I suppose there are—several architects there?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There ain’t a single one,’ said Scadder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark,’ whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, ‘do you hear that? + But whose work is all this before us, then?’ he asked aloud. + </p> + <p> + ‘The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous, + perhaps,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + He was on the agent’s dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantly + changed his place, and brought his active eye to bear upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Feel of my hands, young man,’ he said. + </p> + <p> + ‘What for?’ asked Mark, declining. + </p> + <p> + ‘Air they dirty, or air they clean, sir?’ said Scadder, holding them out. + </p> + <p> + In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it being + obvious that Mr Scadder offered them for examination in a figurative + sense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronounce + them pure as the driven snow. + </p> + <p> + ‘I entreat, Mark,’ he said, with some irritation, ‘that you will not + obtrude remarks of that nature, which, however harmless and + well-intentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to be + very agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Co.‘s a-putting his foot in it already,’ thought Mark. ‘He must be a + sleeping partner—fast asleep and snoring—Co. must; I see.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, and thrust + his toothpick into the desk some twenty times; looking at Mark all the + while as if he were stabbing him in effigy. + </p> + <p> + ‘You haven’t said whose work it is,’ Martin ventured to observe at length, + in a tone of mild propitiation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn’t,’ said the agent sulkily. ‘No + matter how it did eventuate. P’raps he cleared off, handsome, with a heap + of dollars; p’raps he wasn’t worth a cent. P’raps he was a loafin’ rowdy; + p’raps a ring-tailed roarer. Now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All your doing, Mark!’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘P’raps,’ pursued the agent, ‘them ain’t plants of Eden’s raising. No! + P’raps that desk and stool ain’t made from Eden lumber. No! P’raps no end + of squatters ain’t gone out there. No! P’raps there ain’t no such location + in the territoary of the Great U-nited States. Oh, no!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope you’re satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark,’ said + Martin. + </p> + <p> + But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General interposed, and + called out to Scadder from the doorway to give his friends the particulars + of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it; which, having + belonged to the company formerly, had lately lapsed again into their + hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air a deal too open-handed, Gen’ral,’ was the answer. ‘It is a lot as + should be rose in price. It is.’ + </p> + <p> + He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping his + bright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenience to + himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read it + greedily, and then inquired: + </p> + <p> + ‘Now where upon the plan may this place be?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon the plan?’ said Scadder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, having been + put upon his mettle, he was resolved to be particular to the very minutest + hair’s breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling his toothpick slowly + round and round in the air, as if it were a carrier pigeon just thrown up, + he suddenly made a dart at the drawing, and pierced the very centre of the + main wharf, through and through. + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; ‘that’s where + it is!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw that the + thing was done. + </p> + <p> + The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected + though, for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast much + unnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to think of + it, and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, predicting that + they wouldn’t like it; at another, offering to retract and let them off, + and muttering strong imprecations upon the folly of the General. But the + whole of the astoundingly small sum total of purchase-money—it was + only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something more than thirty pounds + of the capital brought by Co. into the architectural concern—was + ultimately paid down; and Martin’s head was two inches nearer the roof of + the little wooden office, with the consciousness of being a landed + proprietor in the thriving city of Eden. + </p> + <p> + ‘If it shouldn’t happen to fit,’ said Scadder, as he gave Martin the + necessary credentials on recepit of his money, ‘don’t blame me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ he replied merrily. ‘We’ll not blame you. General, are you + going?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,’ said the General, giving him + his hand with grave cordiality, ‘joy of your po-ssession. You air now, + sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly-civilised dominion that has + ever graced the world; a do-minion, sir, where man is bound to man in one + vast bond of equal love and truth. May you, sir, be worthy of your + a-dopted country!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed his post + in the rocking-chair, immediately on the General’s rising from it, and was + once more swinging away as if he had never been disturbed. Mark looked + back several times as they went down the road towards the National Hotel, + but now his blighted profile was towards them, and nothing but attentive + thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangely different to the other side! + He was not a man much given to laughing, and never laughed outright; but + every line in the print of the crow’s foot, and every little wiry vein in + that division of his head, was wrinkled up into a grin! The compound + figure of Death and the Lady at the top of the old ballad was not divided + with a greater nicety, and hadn’t halves more monstrously unlike each + other, than the two profiles of Zephaniah Scadder. + </p> + <p> + The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on the stroke + of twelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting of the Watertoast + Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of the National Hotel. + Being very curious to witness the demonstration, and know what it was all + about, Martin kept close to the General; and, keeping closer than ever + when they entered the Hall, got by that means upon a little platform of + tables at the upper end; where an armchair was set for the General, and Mr + La Fayette Kettle, as secretary, was making a great display of some + foolscap documents. Screamers, no doubt. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ he said, as he shook hands with Martin, ‘here is a spectacle + calc’lated to make the British Lion put his tail between his legs, and + howl with anguish, I expect!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might have been + rather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the idea to himself. + The General was then voted to the chair, on the motion of a pallid lad of + the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith set in for a high-spiced speech, + with a good deal about hearths and homes in it, and unriveting the chains + of Tyranny. + </p> + <p> + Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The indignation of + the glowing young Columbian knew no bounds. If he could only have been one + of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn’t he have peppered that same Lion, + and been to him as another Brute Tamer with a wire whip, teaching him + lessons not easily forgotten. ‘Lion! (cried that young Columbian) where is + he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let me have him here. Here!’ + said the young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude, ‘upon this sacred + altar. Here!’ cried the young Columbian, idealising the dining-table, + ‘upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious blood poured out like + water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick! Bring forth that Lion!’ + said the young Columbian. ‘Alone, I dare him! I taunt that Lion. I tell + that Lion, that Freedom’s hand once twisted in his mane, he rolls a corse + before me, and the Eagles of the Great Republic laugh ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + When it was found that the Lion didn’t come, but kept out of the way; that + the young Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone in his glory; and + consequently that the Eagles were no doubt laughing wildly on the mountain + tops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon the + Horse-Guards’ clock, and changed the very mean time of the day in + England’s capital. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who is this?’ Martin telegraphed to La Fayette. + </p> + <p> + The Secretary wrote something, very gravely, on a piece of paper, twisted + it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was an improvement + on the old sentiment: ‘Perhaps as remarkable a man as any in our country.’ + </p> + <p> + This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquent as + he, who drew down storms of cheers. But both remarkable youths, in their + great excitement (for your true poetry can never stoop to details), forgot + to say with whom or what the Watertoasters sympathized, and likewise why + or wherefore they were sympathetic. Thus Martin remained for a long time + as completely in the dark as ever; until at length a ray of light broke in + upon him through the medium of the Secretary, who, by reading the minutes + of their past proceedings, made the matter somewhat clearer. He then + learned that the Watertoast Association sympathized with a certain Public + Man in Ireland, who held a contest upon certain points with England; and + that they did so, because they didn’t love England at all—not by any + means because they loved Ireland much; being indeed horribly jealous and + distrustful of its people always, and only tolerating them because of + their working hard, which made them very useful; labour being held in + greater indignity in the simple republic than in any other country upon + earth. This rendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the + Watertoast Association put forth; nor was he long in suspense, for the + General rose to read a letter to the Public Man, which with his own hands + he had written. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thus,’ said the General, ‘thus, my friends and fellow-citizens, it runs: + </p> + <p> + ‘“<i>Sir</i>—I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of + United Sympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America! + and now holds its breath, and swells the blue veins in its forehead nigh + to bursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympathetic + ardour, your noble efforts in the cause of Freedom.”’ + </p> + <p> + At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all the + Sympathisers roared aloud; cheering with nine times nine, and nine times + over. + </p> + <p> + ‘“In Freedom’s name, sir—holy Freedom—I address you. In + Freedom’s name, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your + society. In Freedom’s name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to + that accursed animal, with gore-stained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty + and fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment to the world. The naked + visitors to Crusoe’s Island, sir; the flying wives of Peter Wilkins; the + fruit-smeared children of the tangled bush; nay, even the men of large + stature, anciently bred in the mining districts of Cornwall; alike bear + witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans, the + Blunderbores, the Great Feefofums, named in History? All, all, + exterminated by its destroying hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘“I allude, sir, to the British Lion. + </p> + <p> + ‘“Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir—to + Freedom, blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar-door, the oyster in + his pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle of + your country in his shelly lair—in her unsullied name, we offer you + our sympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and our happy land, her fires + burn bright and clear and smokeless; once lighted up in yours, the lion + shall be roasted whole. + </p> + <p> + ‘“I am, sir, in Freedom’s name, + </p> + <p> + ‘“Your affectionate friend and faithful Sympathiser, + </p> + <p> + ‘“CYRUS CHOKE, + </p> + <p> + ‘“General, U.S.M.”’ + </p> + <p> + It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, the + railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England; and a packet had + been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal and the frequent + cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. Now, its contents disturbed + him very much, and the moment the General sat down, he hurried to his + side, and placed in his hand a letter and several printed extracts from + English newspapers; to which, in a state of infinite excitement, he called + his immediate attention. + </p> + <p> + The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a fit + state to receive any inflammable influence; but he had no sooner possessed + himself of the contents of these documents, than a change came over his + face, involving such a huge amount of choler and passion, that the noisy + concourse were silent in a moment, in very wonder at the sight of him. + </p> + <p> + ‘My friends!’ cried the General, rising; ‘my friends and fellow citizens, + we have been mistaken in this man.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In what man?’ was the cry. + </p> + <p> + ‘In this,’ panted the General, holding up the letter he had read aloud a + few minutes before. ‘I find that he has been, and is, the advocate—consistent + in it always too—of Nigger emancipation!’ + </p> + <p> + If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would have + pistolled, stabbed—in some way slain—that man by coward hands + and murderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The most + confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then—no, + nor would they ever peril—one dunghill straw, upon the life of any + man in such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, + trod down the pieces as they fell; and yelled, and groaned, and hissed, + till they could cry no longer. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall move,’ said the General, when he could make himself heard, ‘that + the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers be immediately + dissolved!’ + </p> + <p> + Down with it! Away with it! Don’t hear of it! Burn its records! Pull the + room down! Blot it out of human memory! + </p> + <p> + ‘But, my fellow-countrymen!’ said the General, ‘the contributions. We have + funds. What is to be done with the funds?’ + </p> + <p> + It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to a + certain constitutional Judge, who had laid down from the Bench the noble + principle that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man; + and that another piece of plate, of similar value should be presented to a + certain Patriot, who had declared from his high place in the Legislature, + that he and his friends would hang without trial, any Abolitionist who + might pay them a visit. For the surplus, it was agreed that it should be + devoted to aiding the enforcement of those free and equal laws, which + render it incalculably more criminal and dangerous to teach a negro to + read and write than to roast him alive in a public city. These points + adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder, and there was an end of + the Watertoast Sympathy. + </p> + <p> + As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the Republican + banner, which had been hoisted from the house-top in honour of the + occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he passed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut!’ said Martin. ‘You’re a gay flag in the distance. But let a man be + near enough to get the light upon the other side and see through you; and + you are but sorry fustian!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0022" id="link2HCH0022"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO + </h2> + <p> + FROM WHICH IT WILL BE SEEN THAT MARTIN BECAME A LION OF HIS OWN ACCOUNT. + TOGETHER WITH THE REASON WHY + </p> + <p> + As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the young + Englishman, Mr Chuzzlewit, had purchased a ‘lo-cation’ in the Valley of + Eden, and intended to betake himself to that earthly Paradise by the next + steamboat, he became a popular character. Why this should be, or how it + had come to pass, Martin no more knew than Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate Street, + High Holborn, did; but that he was for the time being the lion, by popular + election, of the Watertoast community, and that his society was in rather + inconvenient request there could be no kind of doubt. + </p> + <p> + The first notification he received of this change in his position, was the + following epistle, written in a thin running hand—with here and + there a fat letter or two, to make the general effect more striking—on + a sheet of paper, ruled with blue lines. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>NATIONAL HOTEL, ‘MONDAY MORNING</i>. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Sir—‘When I had the privillidge of being your fellow-traveller + in the cars, the day before yesterday, you offered some remarks upon the + subject of the tower of London, which (in common with my fellow-citizens + generally) I could wish to hear repeated to a public audience. + </p> + <p> + ‘As secretary to the Young Men’s Watertoast Association of this town, I am + requested to inform you that the Society will be proud to hear you deliver + a lecture upon the Tower of London, at their Hall to-morrow evening, at + seven o’clock; and as a large issue of quarter-dollar tickets may be + expected, your answer and consent by bearer will be considered obliging. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Sir, + </p> + <p> + ‘Yours truly, + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>LA FAYETTE KETTLE</i>. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Honourable M. Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + ‘P.S.—The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the + Tower of London. Permit me to suggest that any remarks upon the Elements + of Geology, or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of your talented and + witty countryman, the honourable Mr Miller, would be well received.’ + </p> + <p> + Very much aghast at this invitation, Martin wrote back, civilly declining + it; and had scarcely done so, when he received another letter. + </p> + <p> + ‘No. 47, Bunker Hill Street, + </p> + <p> + ‘Monday Morning. + </p> + <p> + ‘(Private). + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir—I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty + Mississippi (or Father of Waters) rolls his turbid flood. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am young, and ardent. For there is a poetry in wildness, and every + alligator basking in the slime is in himself an Epic, self-contained. I + aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst. + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who would + undertake to pay my expenses to that country, and for six months after my + arrival? + </p> + <p> + ‘There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this + enlightened patronage would not be thrown away. In literature or art; the + bar, the pulpit, or the stage; in one or other, if not all, I feel that I + am certain to succeed. + </p> + <p> + ‘If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me have a + list of three or four of those most likely to respond, and I will address + them through the Post Office. May I also ask you to favour me with any + critical observations that have ever presented themselves to your + reflective faculties, on “Cain, a Mystery,” by the Right Honourable Lord + Byron? + </p> + <p> + ‘I am, Sir, + </p> + <p> + ‘Yours (forgive me if I add, soaringly), + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>PUTNAM SMIF</i> + </p> + <p> + ‘P.S.—Address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock & + Floby, Dry Goods Store, as above.’ + </p> + <p> + Both of which letters, together with Martin’s reply to each, were, + according to a laudable custom, much tending to the promotion of + gentlemanly feeling and social confidence, published in the next number of + the Watertoast Gazette. + </p> + <p> + He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain Kedgick, the + landlord, kindly came upstairs to see how he was getting on. The Captain + sat down upon the bed before he spoke; and finding it rather hard, moved + to the pillow. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ said the Captain, putting his hat a little more on one side, + for it was rather tight in the crown: ‘You’re quite a public man I + calc’late.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it seems,’ retorted Martin, who was very tired. + </p> + <p> + ‘Our citizens, sir,’ pursued the Captain, ‘intend to pay their respects to + you. You will have to hold a sort of le-vee, sir, while you’re here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Powers above!’ cried Martin, ‘I couldn’t do that, my good fellow!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I reckon you <i>must </i>then,’ said the Captain. + </p> + <p> + ‘Must is not a pleasant word, Captain,’ urged Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! I didn’t fix the mother language, and I can’t unfix it,’ said the + Captain coolly; ‘else I’d make it pleasant. You must re-ceive. That’s + all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But why should I receive people who care as much for me as I care for + them?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! because I have had a muniment put up in the bar,’ returned the + Captain. + </p> + <p> + ‘A what?’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘A muniment,’ rejoined the Captain. + </p> + <p> + Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the Captain + meant a written notice that Mr Chuzzlewit would receive the Watertoasters + that day, at and after two o’clock which was in effect then hanging in the + bar, as Mark, from ocular inspection of the same, could testify. + </p> + <p> + ‘You wouldn’t be unpop’lar, I know,’ said the Captain, paring his nails. + ‘Our citizens an’t long of riling up, I tell you; and our Gazette could + flay you like a wild cat.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was going to be very wroth, but he thought better of it, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘In Heaven’s name let them come, then.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, <i>they’ll</i> come,’ returned the Captain. ‘I have seen the big room fixed + a’purpose, with my eyes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But will you,’ said Martin, seeing that the Captain was about to go; + ‘will you at least tell me this? What do they want to see me for? what + have I done? and how do they happen to have such a sudden interest in me?’ + </p> + <p> + Captain Kedgick put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the brim of + his hat; lifted it a little way off his head; put it on again carefully; + passed one hand all down his face, beginning at the forehead and ending at + the chin; looked at Martin; then at Mark; then at Martin again; winked, + and walked out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life, now!’ said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the + table; ‘such a perfectly unaccountable fellow as that, I never saw. Mark, + what do you say to this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ returned his partner, ‘my opinion is that we must have got to + the <i>most </i>remarkable man in the country at last. So I hope there’s an end + to the breed, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn’t keep off two o’clock. + Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain Kedgick returned to hand him to + the room of state; and he had no sooner got him safe there, than he bawled + down the staircase to his fellow-citizens below, that Mr Chuzzlewit was + ‘receiving.’ + </p> + <p> + Up they came with a rush. Up they came until the room was full, and, + through the open door, a dismal perspective of more to come, was shown + upon the stairs. One after another, one after another, dozen after dozen, + score after score, more, more, more, up they came; all shaking hands with + Martin. Such varieties of hands, the thick, the thin, the short, the long, + the fat, the lean, the coarse, the fine; such differences of temperature, + the hot, the cold, the dry, the moist, the flabby; such diversities of + grasp, the tight, the loose, the short-lived, and the lingering! Still up, + up, up, more, more, more; and ever and anon the Captain’s voice was heard + above the crowd—‘There’s more below! there’s more below. Now, + gentlemen you that have been introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, will you clear + gentlemen? Will you clear? Will you be so good as clear, gentlemen, and + make a little room for more?’ + </p> + <p> + Regardless of the Captain’s cries, they didn’t clear at all, but stood + there, bolt upright and staring. Two gentlemen connected with the + Watertoast Gazette had come express to get the matter for an article on + Martin. They had agreed to divide the labour. One of them took him below + the waistcoat. One above. Each stood directly in front of his subject with + his head a little on one side, intent on his department. If Martin put one + boot before the other, the lower gentleman was down upon him; he rubbed a + pimple on his nose, and the upper gentleman booked it. He opened his mouth + to speak, and the same gentleman was on one knee before him, looking in at + his teeth, with the nice scrutiny of a dentist. Amateurs in the + physiognomical and phrenological sciences roved about him with watchful + eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes one, more daring than the rest, + made a mad grasp at the back of his head, and vanished in the crowd. They + had him in all points of view: in front, in profile, three-quarter face, + and behind. Those who were not professional or scientific, audibly + exchanged opinions on his looks. New lights shone in upon him, in respect + of his nose. Contradictory rumours were abroad on the subject of his hair. + And still the Captain’s voice was heard—so stifled by the concourse, + that he seemed to speak from underneath a feather-bed—exclaiming—‘Gentlemen, + you that have been introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, <i>will </i>you clear?’ + </p> + <p> + Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream of + gentlemen, every one with a lady on each arm (exactly like the chorus to + the National Anthem when Royalty goes in state to the play), came gliding + in—every new group fresher than the last, and bent on staying to the + latest moment. If they spoke to him, which was not often, they invariably + asked the same questions, in the same tone; with no more remorse, or + delicacy, or consideration, than if he had been a figure of stone, + purchased, and paid for, and set up there for their delight. Even when, in + the slow course of time, these died off, it was as bad as ever, if not + worse; for then the boys grew bold, and came in as a class of themselves, + and did everything that the grown-up people had done. Uncouth stragglers, + too, appeared; men of a ghostly kind, who being in, didn’t know how to get + out again; insomuch that one silent gentleman with glazed and fishy eyes + and only one button on his waistcoat (which was a very large metal one, + and shone prodigiously), got behind the door, and stood there, like a + clock, long after everybody else was gone. + </p> + <p> + Martin felt, from pure fatigue, and heat, and worry, as if he could have + fallen on the ground and willingly remained there, if they would but have + had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and messages, threatening + his public denouncement if he didn’t see the senders, poured in like hail; + and as more visitors came while he took his coffee by himself; and as + Mark, with all his vigilance, was unable to keep them from the door; he + resolved to go to bed—not that he felt at all sure of bed being any + protection, but that he might not leave a forlorn hope untried. + </p> + <p> + He had communicated this design to Mark, and was on the eve of escaping, + when the door was thrown open in a great hurry, and an elderly gentleman + entered; bringing with him a lady who certainly could not be considered + young—that was matter of fact; and probably could not be considered + handsome—but that was matter of opinion. She was very straight, very + tall, and not at all flexible in face or figure. On her head she wore a + great straw bonnet, with trimmings of the same, in which she looked as if + she had been thatched by an unskillful labourer; and in her hand she held + a most enormous fan. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit, I believe?’ said the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘That is my name.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir,’ said the gentleman, ‘I am pressed for time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank God!’ thought Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I go back Toe my home, sir,’ pursued the gentleman, ‘by the return train, + which starts immediate. Start is not a word you use in your country, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes, it is,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air mistaken, sir,’ returned the gentleman, with great decision: ‘but + we will not pursue the subject, lest it should awake your preju—dice. + Sir, Mrs Hominy.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin bowed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Hominy, sir, is the lady of Major Hominy, one of our chicest spirits; + and belongs Toe one of our most aristocratic families. You air, p’raps, + acquainted, sir, with Mrs Hominy’s writings.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin couldn’t say he was. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,’ said the gentleman. ‘Mrs + Hominy is going Toe stay until the end of the Fall, sir, with her married + daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three days this side of + Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show Toe Mrs Hominy upon the + journey, will be very grateful Toe the Major and our fellow-citizens. Mrs + Hominy, I wish you good night, ma’am, and a pleasant pro-gress on your + route!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy was + drinking the milk. + </p> + <p> + ‘A’most used-up I am, I do declare!’ she observed. ‘The jolting in the + cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail was full of snags and sawyers.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Snags and sawyers, ma’am?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, then, I do suppose you’ll hardly realise my meaning, sir,’ said Mrs + Hominy. ‘My! Only think! <i>do</i> tell!’ + </p> + <p> + It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to conclude + with an urgent entreaty, stood in need of any answer; for Mrs Hominy, + untying her bonnet-strings, observed that she would withdraw to lay that + article of dress aside, and would return immediately. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark!’ said Martin. ‘Touch me, will you. Am I awake?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hominy is, sir,’ returned his partner—‘Broad awake! Just the sort + of woman, sir, as would be discovered with her eyes wide open, and her + mind a-working for her country’s good, at any hour of the day or night.’ + </p> + <p> + They had no opportunity of saying more, for Mrs Hominy stalked in again—very + erect, in proof of her aristocratic blood; and holding in her clasped + hands a red cotton pocket-handkerchief, perhaps a parting gift from that + choice spirit, the Major. She had laid aside her bonnet, and now appeared + in a highly aristocratic and classical cap, meeting beneath her chin: a + style of headdress so admirably adapted to her countenance, that if the + late Mr Grimaldi had appeared in the lappets of Mrs Siddons, a more + complete effect could not have been produced. + </p> + <p> + Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before he could + get back to his own seat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, sir!’ said Mrs Hominy, ‘where do you hail from?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid I am dull of comprehension,’ answered Martin, ‘being + extremely tired; but upon my word I don’t understand you.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not + inexpressively, ‘They corrupt even the language in that old country!’ and + added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his low capacity, ‘Where + was you rose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Martin ‘I was born in Kent.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And how do you like our country, sir?’ asked Mrs Hominy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very much indeed,’ said Martin, half asleep. ‘At least—that is—pretty + well, ma’am.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Most strangers—and partick’larly Britishers—are much + surprised by what they see in the U-nited States,’ remarked Mrs Hominy. + </p> + <p> + ‘They have excellent reason to be so, ma’am,’ said Martin. ‘I never was so + much surprised in all my life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Our institutions make our people smart much, sir,’ Mrs Hominy remarked. + </p> + <p> + ‘The most short-sighted man could see that at a glance, with his naked + eye,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had a + pretty strong digestion; but this coarse, this indecorous phrase, was + almost too much for her. For a gentleman sitting alone with a lady—although + the door <i>was </i>open—to talk about a naked eye! + </p> + <p> + A long interval elapsed before even she—woman of masculine and + towering intellect though she was—could call up fortitude enough to + resume the conversation. But Mrs Hominy was a traveller. Mrs Hominy was a + writer of reviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs Hominy had had her + letters from abroad, beginning ‘My ever dearest blank,’ and signed ‘The + Mother of the Modern Gracchi’ (meaning the married Miss Hominy), regularly + printed in a public journal, with all the indignation in capitals, and all + the sarcasm in italics. Mrs Hominy had looked on foreign countries with + the eye of a perfect republican hot from the model oven; and Mrs Hominy + could talk (or write) about them by the hour together. So Mrs Hominy at + last came down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep, she had it + all her own way, and bruised him to her heart’s content. + </p> + <p> + It is no great matter what Mrs Hominy said, save that she had learnt it + from the cant of a class, and a large class, of her fellow countrymen, who + in their every word, avow themselves to be as senseless to the high + principles on which America sprang, a nation, into life, as any Orson in + her legislative halls. Who are no more capable of feeling, or of caring if + they did feel, that by reducing their own country to the ebb of honest + men’s contempt, they put in hazard the rights of nations yet unborn, and + very progress of the human race, than are the swine who wallow in their + streets. Who think that crying out to other nations, old in their + iniquity, ‘We are no worse than you!’ (No worse!) is high defence and + ‘vantage-ground enough for that Republic, but yesterday let loose upon her + noble course, and but to-day so maimed and lame, so full of sores and + ulcers, foul to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense, that her best + friends turn from the loathsome creature with disgust. Who, having by + their ancestors declared and won their Independence, because they would + not bend the knee to certain Public vices and corruptions, and would not + abrogate the truth, run riot in the Bad, and turn their backs upon the + Good; and lying down contented with the wretched boast that other Temples + also are of glass, and stones which batter theirs may be flung back; show + themselves, in that alone, as immeasurably behind the import of the trust + they hold, and as unworthy to possess it as if the sordid hucksterings of + all their little governments—each one a kingdom in its small + depravity—were brought into a heap for evidence against them. + </p> + <p> + Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a terrible + oppression on his mind; an imperfect dream that he had murdered a + particular friend, and couldn’t get rid of the body. When his eyes opened + it was staring him full in the face. There was the horrible Hominy talking + deep truths in a melodious snuffle, and pouring forth her mental + endowments to such an extent that the Major’s bitterest enemy, hearing + her, would have forgiven him from the bottom of his heart. Martin might + have done something desperate if the gong had not sounded for supper; but + sound it did most opportunely; and having stationed Mrs Hominy at the + upper end of the table he took refuge at the lower end himself; whence, + after a hasty meal he stole away, while the lady was yet busied with dried + beef and a saucer-full of pickled fixings. + </p> + <p> + It would be difficult to give an adequate idea of Mrs Hominy’s freshness + next day, or of the avidity with which she went headlong into moral + philosophy at breakfast. Some little additional degree of asperity, + perhaps, was visible in her features, but not more than the pickles would + have naturally produced. All that day she clung to Martin. She sat beside + him while he received his friends (for there was another Reception, yet + more numerous than the former), propounded theories, and answered + imaginary objections, so that Martin really began to think he must be + dreaming, and speaking for two; she quoted interminable passages from + certain essays on government, written by herself; used the Major’s + pocket-handkerchief as if the snuffle were a temporary malady, of which + she was determined to rid herself by some means or other; and, in short, + was such a remarkable companion, that Martin quite settled it between + himself and his conscience, that in any new settlement it would be + absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for the + general peace of society. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime Mark was busy, from early in the morning until late at + night, in getting on board the steamboat such provisions, tools and other + necessaries, as they had been forewarned it would be wise to take. The + purchase of these things, and the settlement of their bill at the + National, reduced their finances to so low an ebb, that if the captain had + delayed his departure any longer, they would have been in almost as bad a + plight as the unfortunate poorer emigrants, who (seduced on board by + solemn advertisement) had been living on the lower deck a whole week, and + exhausting their miserable stock of provisions before the voyage + commenced. There they were, all huddled together with the engine and the + fires. Farmers who had never seen a plough; woodmen who had never used an + axe; builders who couldn’t make a box; cast out of their own land, with + not a hand to aid them: newly come into an unknown world, children in + helplessness, but men in wants—with younger children at their backs, + to live or die as it might happen! + </p> + <p> + The morning came, and they would start at noon. Noon came, and they would + start at night. But nothing is eternal in this world; not even the + procrastination of an American skipper; and at night all was ready. + </p> + <p> + Dispirited and weary to the last degree, but a greater lion than ever (he + had done nothing all the afternoon but answer letters from strangers; half + of them about nothing; half about borrowing money, and all requiring an + instantaneous reply), Martin walked down to the wharf, through a concourse + of people, with Mrs Hominy upon his arm; and went on board. But Mark was + bent on solving the riddle of this lionship, if he could; and so, not + without the risk of being left behind, ran back to the hotel. + </p> + <p> + Captain Kedgick was sitting in the colonnade, with a julep on his knee, + and a cigar in his mouth. He caught Mark’s eye, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what the ‘Tarnal brings you here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,’ said Mark. ‘I want to ask you + a question.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A man may <i>ask </i>a question, so he may,’ returned Kedgick; strongly implying + that another man might not answer a question, so he mightn’t. + </p> + <p> + ‘What have they been making so much of him for, now?’ said Mark, slyly. + ‘Come!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Our people like ex-citement,’ answered Kedgick, sucking his cigar. + </p> + <p> + ‘But how has he excited ‘em?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + The Captain looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden his mind + of a capital joke. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air a-going?’ he said. + </p> + <p> + ‘Going!’ cried Mark. ‘Ain’t every moment precious?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Our people like ex-citement,’ said the Captain, whispering. ‘He ain’t + like emigrants in gin’ral; and he excited ‘em along of this;’ he winked + and burst into a smothered laugh; ‘along of this. Scadder is a smart man, + and—and—nobody as goes to Eden ever comes back alive!’ + </p> + <p> + The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear them + shouting out his name; could even hear Martin calling to him to make + haste, or they would be separated. It was too late to mend the matter, or + put any face upon it but the best. He gave the Captain a parting + benediction, and ran off like a race-horse. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark! Mark!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here am I, sir!’ shouted Mark, suddenly replying from the edge of the + quay, and leaping at a bound on board. ‘Never was half so jolly, sir. All + right. Haul in! Go ahead!’ + </p> + <p> + The sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys, as if + the vessel were a great firework just lighted; and they roared away upon + the dark water. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0023" id="link2HCH0023"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE + </h2> + <p> + MARTIN AND HIS PARTNER TAKE POSSESSION OF THEIR ESTATE. THE JOYFUL + OCCASION INVOLVES SOME FURTHER ACCOUNT OF EDEN + </p> + <p> + There happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen passengers, + of the same stamp as Martin’s New York friend Mr Bevan; and in their + society he was cheerful and happy. They released him as well as they could + from the intellectual entanglements of Mrs Hominy; and exhibited, in all + they said and did, so much good sense and high feeling, that he could not + like them too well. ‘If this were a republic of Intellect and Worth,’ he + said, ‘instead of vapouring and jobbing, they would not want the levers to + keep it in motion.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Having good tools, and using bad ones,’ returned Mr Tapley, ‘would look + as if they was rather a poor sort of carpenters, sir, wouldn’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin nodded. ‘As if their work were infinitely above their powers and + purpose, Mark; and they botched it in consequence.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The best on it is,’ said Mark, ‘that when they do happen to make a decent + stroke; such as better workmen, with no such opportunities, make every day + of their lives and think nothing of—they begin to sing out so + surprising loud. Take notice of my words, sir. If ever the defaulting part + of this here country pays its debts—along of finding that not paying + ‘em won’t do in a commercial point of view, you see, and is inconvenient + in its consequences—they’ll take such a shine out of it, and make + such bragging speeches, that a man might suppose no borrowed money had + ever been paid afore, since the world was first begun. That’s the way they + gammon each other, sir. Bless you, I know ‘em. Take notice of my words, + now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You seem to be growing profoundly sagacious!’ cried Martin, laughing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Whether that is,’ thought Mark, ‘because I’m a day’s journey nearer Eden, + and am brightening up afore I die, I can’t say. P’rhaps by the time I get + there I shall have growed into a prophet.’ + </p> + <p> + He gave no utterance to these sentiments; but the excessive joviality they + inspired within him, and the merriment they brought upon his shining face, + were quite enough for Martin. Although he might sometimes profess to make + light of his partner’s inexhaustible cheerfulness, and might sometimes, as + in the case of Zephaniah Scadder, find him too jocose a commentator, he + was always sensible of the effect of his example in rousing him to + hopefulness and courage. Whether he were in the humour to profit by it, + mattered not a jot. It was contagious, and he could not choose but be + affected. + </p> + <p> + At first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a day, + and took in others to replace them. But by degrees, the towns upon their + route became more thinly scattered; and for many hours together they would + see no other habitations than the huts of the wood-cutters, where the + vessel stopped for fuel. Sky, wood, and water all the livelong day; and + heat that blistered everything it touched. + </p> + <p> + On they toiled through great solitudes, where the trees upon the banks + grew thick and close; and floated in the stream; and held up shrivelled + arms from out the river’s depths; and slid down from the margin of the + land, half growing, half decaying, in the miry water. On through the weary + day and melancholy night; beneath the burning sun, and in the mist and + vapour of the evening; on, until return appeared impossible, and + restoration to their home a miserable dream. + </p> + <p> + They had now but few people on board, and these few were as flat, as dull, + and stagnant, as the vegetation that oppressed their eyes. No sound of + cheerfulness or hope was heard; no pleasant talk beguiled the tardy time; + no little group made common cause against the full depression of the + scene. But that, at certain periods, they swallowed food together from a + common trough, it might have been old Charon’s boat, conveying melancholy + shades to judgment. + </p> + <p> + At length they drew near New Thermopylae; where, that same evening, Mrs + Hominy would disembark. A gleam of comfort sunk into Martin’s bosom when + she told him this. Mark needed none; but he was not displeased. + </p> + <p> + It was almost night when they came alongside the landing-place. A steep + bank with an hotel like a barn on the top of it; a wooden store or two; + and a few scattered sheds. + </p> + <p> + ‘You sleep here to-night, and go on in the morning, I suppose, ma’am?’ + said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where should I go on to?’ cried the mother of the modern Gracchi. + </p> + <p> + ‘To New Thermopylae.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My! ain’t I there?’ said Mrs Hominy. + </p> + <p> + Martin looked for it all round the darkening panorama; but he couldn’t see + it, and was obliged to say so. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why that’s it!’ cried Mrs Hominy, pointing to the sheds just mentioned. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>That</i>!’ exclaimed Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! that; and work it which way you will, it whips Eden,’ said Mrs + Hominy, nodding her head with great expression. + </p> + <p> + The married Miss Hominy, who had come on board with her husband, gave to + this statement her most unqualified support, as did that gentleman also. + Martin gratefully declined their invitation to regale himself at their + house during the half hour of the vessel’s stay; and having escorted Mrs + Hominy and the red pocket-handkerchief (which was still on active service) + safely across the gangway, returned in a thoughtful mood to watch the + emigrants as they removed their goods ashore. + </p> + <p> + Mark, as he stood beside him, glanced in his face from time to time; + anxious to discover what effect this dialogue had had upon him, and not + unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached their + destination, so that the blow he feared might be broken in its fall. But + saving that he sometimes looked up quickly at the poor erections on the + hill, he gave him no clue to what was passing in his mind, until they were + again upon their way. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark,’ he said then, ‘are there really none but ourselves on board this + boat who are bound for Eden?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘None at all, sir. Most of ‘em, as you know, have stopped short; and the + few that are left are going further on. What matters that! More room there + for us, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, to be sure!’ said Martin. ‘But I was thinking—’ and there he + paused. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir?’ observed Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘How odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their fortune + at a wretched hole like that, for instance, when there is such a much + better, and such a very different kind of place, near at hand, as one may + say.’ + </p> + <p> + He spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence, and with + such an obvious dread of Mark’s reply, that the good-natured fellow was + full of pity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you know, sir,’ said Mark, as gently as he could by any means + insinuate the observation, ‘we must guard against being too sanguine. + There’s no occasion for it, either, because we’re determined to make the + best of everything, after we know the worst of it. Ain’t we, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin looked at him, but answered not a word. + </p> + <p> + ‘Even Eden, you know, ain’t all built,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘In the name of Heaven, man,’ cried Martin angrily, ‘don’t talk of Eden in + the same breath with that place. Are you mad? There—God forgive me!—don’t + think harshly of me for my temper!’ + </p> + <p> + After that, he turned away, and walked to and fro upon the deck full two + hours. Nor did he speak again, except to say ‘Good night,’ until next day; + nor even then upon this subject, but on other topics quite foreign to the + purpose. + </p> + <p> + As they proceeded further on their track, and came more and more towards + their journey’s end, the monotonous desolation of the scene increased to + that degree, that for any redeeming feature it presented to their eyes, + they might have entered, in the body, on the grim domains of Giant + Despair. A flat morass, bestrewn with fallen timber; a marsh on which the + good growth of the earth seemed to have been wrecked and cast away, that + from its decomposing ashes vile and ugly things might rise; where the very + trees took the aspect of huge weeds, begotten of the slime from which they + sprung, by the hot sun that burnt them up; where fatal maladies, seeking + whom they might infect, came forth at night in misty shapes, and creeping + out upon the water, hunted them like spectres until day; where even the + blessed sun, shining down on festering elements of corruption and disease, + became a horror; this was the realm of Hope through which they moved. + </p> + <p> + At last they stopped. At Eden too. The waters of the Deluge might have + left it but a week before; so choked with slime and matted growth was the + hideous swamp which bore that name. + </p> + <p> + There being no depth of water close in shore, they landed from the + vessel’s boat, with all their goods beside them. There were a few + log-houses visible among the dark trees; the best, a cow-shed or a rude + stable; but for the wharves, the market-place, the public buildings— + </p> + <p> + ‘Here comes an Edener,’ said Mark. ‘He’ll get us help to carry these + things up. Keep a good heart, sir. Hallo there!’ + </p> + <p> + The man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom, very slowly; + leaning on a stick. As he drew nearer, they observed that he was pale and + worn, and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken in his head. His dress + of homespun blue hung about him in rags; his feet and head were bare. He + sat down on a stump half-way, and beckoned them to come to him. When they + complied, he put his hand upon his side as if in pain, and while he + fetched his breath stared at them, wondering. + </p> + <p> + ‘Strangers!’ he exclaimed, as soon as he could speak. + </p> + <p> + ‘The very same,’ said Mark. ‘How are you, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ve had the fever very bad,’ he answered faintly. ‘I haven’t stood + upright these many weeks. Those are your notions I see,’ pointing to their + property. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ said Mark, ‘they are. You couldn’t recommend us some one as + would lend a hand to help carry ‘em up to the—to the town, could + you, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My eldest son would do it if he could,’ replied the man; ‘but today he + has his chill upon him, and is lying wrapped up in the blankets. My + youngest died last week.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m sorry for it, governor, with all my heart,’ said Mark, shaking him by + the hand. ‘Don’t mind us. Come along with me, and I’ll give you an arm + back. The goods is safe enough, sir’—to Martin—‘there ain’t + many people about, to make away with ‘em. What a comfort that is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ cried the man. ‘You must look for such folk here,’ knocking his + stick upon the ground, ‘or yonder in the bush, towards the north. We’ve + buried most of ‘em. The rest have gone away. Them that we have here, don’t + come out at night.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The night air ain’t quite wholesome, I suppose?’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s deadly poison,’ was the settler’s answer. + </p> + <p> + Mark showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him as + ambrosia; but he gave the man his arm, and as they went along explained to + him the nature of their purchase, and inquired where it lay. Close to his + own log-house, he said; so close that he had used their dwelling as a + store-house for some corn; they must excuse it that night, but he would + endeavour to get it taken out upon the morrow. He then gave them to + understand, as an additional scrap of local chit-chat, that he had buried + the last proprietor with his own hands; a piece of information which Mark + also received without the least abatement of his equanimity. + </p> + <p> + In a word, he conducted them to a miserable cabin, rudely constructed of + the trunks of trees; the door of which had either fallen down or been + carried away long ago; and which was consequently open to the wild + landscape and the dark night. Saving for the little store he had + mentioned, it was perfectly bare of all furniture; but they had left a + chest upon the landing-place, and he gave them a rude torch in lieu of + candle. This latter acquisition Mark planted in the earth, and then + declaring that the mansion ‘looked quite comfortable,’ hurried Martin off + again to help bring up the chest. And all the way to the landing-place and + back, Mark talked incessantly; as if he would infuse into his partner’s + breast some faint belief that they had arrived under the most auspicious + and cheerful of all imaginable circumstances. + </p> + <p> + But many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled, strong in + his passion and design of vengeance, has had the firmness of his nature + conquered by the razing of an air-built castle. When the log-hut received + them for the second time, Martin laid down upon the ground, and wept + aloud. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord love you, sir!’ cried Mr Tapley, in great terror; ‘Don’t do that! + Don’t do that, sir! Anything but that! It never helped man, woman, or + child, over the lowest fence yet, sir, and it never will. Besides its + being of no use to you, it’s worse than of no use to me, for the least + sound of it will knock me flat down. I can’t stand up agin it, sir. + Anything but that!’ + </p> + <p> + There is no doubt he spoke the truth, for the extraordinary alarm with + which he looked at Martin as he paused upon his knees before the chest, in + the act of unlocking it, to say these words, sufficiently confirmed him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I ask your forgiveness a thousand times, my dear fellow,’ said Martin. ‘I + couldn’t have helped it, if death had been the penalty.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ask my forgiveness!’ said Mark, with his accustomed cheerfulness, as he + proceeded to unpack the chest. ‘The head partner a-asking forgiveness of + Co., eh? There must be something wrong in the firm when that happens. I + must have the books inspected and the accounts gone over immediate. Here + we are. Everything in its proper place. Here’s the salt pork. Here’s the + biscuit. Here’s the whiskey. Uncommon good it smells too. Here’s the tin + pot. This tin pot’s a small fortun’ in itself! Here’s the blankets. Here’s + the axe. Who says we ain’t got a first-rate fit out? I feel as if I was a + cadet gone out to Indy, and my noble father was chairman of the Board of + Directors. Now, when I’ve got some water from the stream afore the door + and mixed the grog,’ cried Mark, running out to suit the action to the + word, ‘there’s a supper ready, comprising every delicacy of the season. + Here we are, sir, all complete. For what we are going to receive, et + cetrer. Lord bless you, sir, it’s very like a gipsy party!’ + </p> + <p> + It was impossible not to take heart, in the company of such a man as this. + Martin sat upon the ground beside the box; took out his knife; and ate and + drank sturdily. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now you see,’ said Mark, when they had made a hearty meal; ‘with your + knife and mine, I sticks this blanket right afore the door. Or where, in a + state of high civilization, the door would be. And very neat it looks. + Then I stops the aperture below, by putting the chest agin it. And very + neat <i>that </i>looks. Then there’s your blanket, sir. Then here’s mine. And + what’s to hinder our passing a good night?’ + </p> + <p> + For all his light-hearted speaking, it was long before he slept himself. + He wrapped his blanket round him, put the axe ready to his hand, and lay + across the threshold of the door; too anxious and too watchful to close + his eyes. The novelty of their dreary situation, the dread of some + rapacious animal or human enemy, the terrible uncertainty of their means + of subsistence, the apprehension of death, the immense distance and the + hosts of obstacles between themselves and England, were fruitful sources + of disquiet in the deep silence of the night. Though Martin would have had + him think otherwise, Mark felt that he was waking also, and a prey to the + same reflections. This was almost worse than all, for if he began to brood + over their miseries instead of trying to make head against them there + could be little doubt that such a state of mind would powerfully assist + the influence of the pestilent climate. Never had the light of day been + half so welcome to his eyes, as when awaking from a fitful doze, Mark saw + it shining through the blanket in the doorway. + </p> + <p> + He stole out gently, for his companion was sleeping now; and having + refreshed himself by washing in the river, where it snowed before the + door, took a rough survey of the settlement. There were not above a score + of cabins in the whole; half of these appeared untenanted; all were rotten + and decayed. The most tottering, abject, and forlorn among them was + called, with great propriety, the Bank, and National Credit Office. It had + some feeble props about it, but was settling deep down in the mud, past + all recovery. + </p> + <p> + Here and there an effort had been made to clear the land, and something + like a field had been marked out, where, among the stumps and ashes of + burnt trees, a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing. In some quarters, a + snake or zigzag fence had been begun, but in no instance had it been + completed; and the felled logs, half hidden in the soil, lay mouldering + away. Three or four meagre dogs, wasted and vexed with hunger; some + long-legged pigs, wandering away into the woods in search of food; some + children, nearly naked, gazing at him from the huts; were all the living + things he saw. A fetid vapour, hot and sickening as the breath of an oven, + rose up from the earth, and hung on everything around; and as his + foot-prints sunk into the marshy ground, a black ooze started forth to + blot them out. + </p> + <p> + Their own land was mere forest. The trees had grown so think and close + that they shouldered one another out of their places, and the weakest, + forced into shapes of strange distortion, languished like cripples. The + best were stunted, from the pressure and the want of room; and high about + the stems of all grew long rank grass, dank weeds, and frowsy underwood; + not divisible into their separate kinds, but tangled all together in a + heap; a jungle deep and dark, with neither earth nor water at its roots, + but putrid matter, formed of the pulpy offal of the two, and of their own + corruption. + </p> + <p> + He went down to the landing-place where they had left their goods last + night; and there he found some half-dozen men—wan and forlorn to + look at, but ready enough to assist—who helped him to carry them to + the log-house. They shook their heads in speaking of the settlement, and + had no comfort to give him. Those who had the means of going away had all + deserted it. They who were left had lost their wives, their children, + friends, or brothers there, and suffered much themselves. Most of them + were ill then; none were the men they had been once. They frankly offered + their assistance and advice, and, leaving him for that time, went sadly + off upon their several tasks. + </p> + <p> + Martin was by this time stirring; but he had greatly changed, even in one + night. He was very pale and languid; he spoke of pains and weakness in his + limbs, and complained that his sight was dim, and his voice feeble. + Increasing in his own briskness as the prospect grew more and more dismal, + Mark brought away a door from one of the deserted houses, and fitted it to + their own habitation; then went back again for a rude bench he had + observed, with which he presently returned in triumph; and having put this + piece of furniture outside the house, arranged the notable tin pot and + other such movables upon it, that it might represent a dresser or a + sideboard. Greatly satisfied with this arrangement, he next rolled their + cask of flour into the house and set it up on end in one corner, where it + served for a side-table. No better dining-table could be required than the + chest, which he solemnly devoted to that useful service thenceforth. Their + blankets, clothes, and the like, he hung on pegs and nails. And lastly, he + brought forth a great placard (which Martin in the exultation of his heart + had prepared with his own hands at the National Hotel) bearing the + inscription, CHUZZLEWIT & CO., ARCHITECTS AND SURVEYORS, which he + displayed upon the most conspicuous part of the premises, with as much + gravity as if the thriving city of Eden had a real existence, and they + expected to be overwhelmed with business. + </p> + <p> + ‘These here tools,’ said Mark, bringing forward Martin’s case of + instruments and sticking the compasses upright in a stump before the door, + ‘shall be set out in the open air to show that we come provided. And now, + if any gentleman wants a house built, he’d better give his orders, afore + we’re other ways bespoke.’ + </p> + <p> + Considering the intense heat of the weather, this was not a bad morning’s + work; but without pausing for a moment, though he was streaming at every + pore, Mark vanished into the house again, and presently reappeared with a + hatchet; intent on performing some impossibilities with that implement. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here’s ugly old tree in the way, sir,’ he observed, ‘which’ll be all the + better down. We can build the oven in the afternoon. There never was such + a handy spot for clay as Eden is. That’s convenient, anyhow.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20408m.jpg" alt="20408m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20408.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + But Martin gave him no answer. He had sat the whole time with his head + upon his hands, gazing at the current as it rolled swiftly by; thinking, + perhaps, how fast it moved towards the open sea, the high road to the home + he never would behold again. + </p> + <p> + Not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him from + his mournful meditation. Finding all his endeavours to rouse him of no + use, Mark stopped in his work and came towards him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t give in, sir,’ said Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Mark,’ returned his friend, ‘what have I done in all my life that has + deserved this heavy fate?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ returned Mark, ‘for the matter of that, everybody as is here + might say the same thing; many of ‘em with better reason p’raps than you + or me. Hold up, sir. Do something. Couldn’t you ease your mind, now, don’t + you think, by making some personal obserwations in a letter to Scadder?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Martin, shaking his head sorrowfully: ‘I am past that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But if you’re past that already,’ returned Mark, ‘you must be ill, and + ought to be attended to.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t mind me,’ said Martin. ‘Do the best you can for yourself. You’ll + soon have only yourself to consider. And then God speed you home, and + forgive me for bringing you here! I am destined to die in this place. I + felt it the instant I set foot upon the shore. Sleeping or waking, Mark, I + dreamed it all last night.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I said you must be ill,’ returned Mark, tenderly, ‘and now I’m sure of + it. A touch of fever and ague caught on these rivers, I dare say; but + bless you, <i>that’s</i> nothing. It’s only a seasoning, and we must all be + seasoned, one way or another. That’s religion that is, you know,’ said + Mark. + </p> + <p> + He only sighed and shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Wait half a minute,’ said Mark cheerily, ‘till I run up to one of our + neighbours and ask what’s best to be took, and borrow a little of it to + give you; and to-morrow you’ll find yourself as strong as ever again. I + won’t be gone a minute. Don’t give in while I’m away, whatever you do!’ + </p> + <p> + Throwing down his hatchet, he sped away immediately, but stopped when he + had got a little distance, and looked back; then hurried on again. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, Mr Tapley,’ said Mark, giving himself a tremendous blow in the chest + by way of reviver, ‘just you attend to what I’ve got to say. Things is + looking about as bad as they <i>can </i>look, young man. You’ll not have such + another opportunity for showing your jolly disposition, my fine fellow, as + long as you live. And therefore, Tapley, Now’s your time to come out + strong; or Never!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0024" id="link2HCH0024"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR + </h2> + <p> + REPORTS PROGRESS IN CERTAIN HOMELY MATTERS OF LOVE, HATRED, JEALOUSY, AND + REVENGE + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo, Pecksniff!’ cried Mr Jonas from the parlour. ‘Isn’t somebody + a-going to open that precious old door of yours?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Immediately, Mr Jonas. Immediately.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod,’ muttered the orphan, ‘not before it’s time neither. Whoever it is, + has knocked three times, and each one loud enough to wake the—’ he + had such a repugnance to the idea of waking the Dead, that he stopped even + then with the words upon his tongue, and said, instead, ‘the Seven + Sleepers.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Immediately, Mr Jonas; immediately,’ repeated Pecksniff. ‘Thomas Pinch’—he + couldn’t make up his mind, in his great agitation, whether to call Tom his + dear friend or a villain, so he shook his fist at him <i>pro tem</i>—‘go up + to my daughters’ room, and tell them who is here. Say, Silence. Silence! + Do you hear me, sir? + </p> + <p> + ‘Directly, sir!’ cried Tom, departing, in a state of much amazement, on + his errand. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll—ha, ha, ha!—you’ll excuse me, Mr Jonas, if I close + this door a moment, will you?’ said Pecksniff. ‘This may be a professional + call. Indeed I am pretty sure it is. Thank you.’ Then Mr Pecksniff, gently + warbling a rustic stave, put on his garden hat, seized a spade, and opened + the street door; calmly appearing on the threshold, as if he thought he + had, from his vineyard, heard a modest rap, but was not quite certain. + </p> + <p> + Seeing a gentleman and lady before him, he started back in as much + confusion as a good man with a crystal conscience might betray in mere + surprise. Recognition came upon him the next moment, and he cried: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit! Can I believe my eyes! My dear sir; my good sir! A joyful + hour, a happy hour indeed. Pray, my dear sir, walk in. You find me in my + garden-dress. You will excuse it, I know. It is an ancient pursuit, + gardening. Primitive, my dear sir. Or, if I am not mistaken, Adam was the + first of our calling. <i>my</i> Eve, I grieve to say is no more, sir; but’—here + he pointed to his spade, and shook his head as if he were not cheerful + without an effort—‘but I do a little bit of Adam still.’ + </p> + <p> + He had by this time got them into the best parlour, where the portrait by + Spiller, and the bust by Spoker, were. + </p> + <p> + ‘My daughters,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘will be overjoyed. If I could feel + weary upon such a theme, I should have been worn out long ago, my dear + sir, by their constant anticipation of this happiness and their repeated + allusions to our meeting at Mrs Todgers’s. Their fair young friend, too,’ + said Mr Pecksniff, ‘whom they so desire to know and love—indeed to + know her, is to love—I hope I see her well. I hope in saying, + “Welcome to my humble roof!” I find some echo in her own sentiments. If + features are an index to the heart, I have no fears of that. An extremely + engaging expression of countenance, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir—very + much so!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mary,’ said the old man, ‘Mr Pecksniff flatters you. But flattery from + him is worth the having. He is not a dealer in it, and it comes from his + heart. We thought Mr—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pinch,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch would have arrived before us, Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He did arrive before you, my dear sir,’ retorted Pecksniff, raising his + voice for the edification of Tom upon the stairs, ‘and was about, I dare + say, to tell me of your coming, when I begged him first to knock at my + daughters’ chamber, and inquire after Charity, my dear child, who is not + so well as I could wish. No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, answering their looks, ‘I + am sorry to say, she is not. It is merely an hysterical affection; nothing + more, I am not uneasy. Mr Pinch! Thomas!’ exclaimed Pecksniff, in his + kindest accents. ‘Pray come in. I shall make no stranger of you. Thomas is + a friend of mine, of rather long-standing, Mr Chuzzlewit, you must know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, sir,’ said Tom. ‘You introduce me very kindly, and speak of me + in terms of which I am very proud.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Old Thomas!’ cried his master, pleasantly ‘God bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom reported that the young ladies would appear directly, and that the + best refreshments which the house afforded were even then in preparation, + under their joint superintendence. While he was speaking, the old man + looked at him intently, though with less harshness than was common to him; + nor did the mutual embarrassment of Tom and the young lady, to whatever + cause he attributed it, seem to escape his observation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ he said after a pause, rising and taking him aside towards + the window, ‘I was much shocked on hearing of my brother’s death. We had + been strangers for many years. My only comfort is that he must have lived + the happier and better man for having associated no hopes or schemes with + me. Peace to his memory! We were play-fellows once; and it would have been + better for us both if we had died then.’ + </p> + <p> + Finding him in this gentle mood, Mr Pecksniff began to see another way out + of his difficulties, besides the casting overboard of Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘That any man, my dear sir, could possibly be the happier for not knowing + you,’ he returned, ‘you will excuse my doubting. But that Mr Anthony, in + the evening of his life, was happier in the affection of his excellent son—a + pattern, my dear sir, a pattern to all sons—and in the care of a + distant relation who, however lowly in his means of serving him, had no + bounds to his inclination; I can inform you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How’s this?’ said the old man. ‘You are not a legatee?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t,’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a melancholy pressure of his hand, + ‘quite understand my nature yet, I find. No, sir, I am not a legatee. I am + proud to say I am not a legatee. I am proud to say that neither of my + children is a legatee. And yet, sir, I was with him at his own request. <i>he</i> + understood me somewhat better, sir. He wrote and said, “I am sick. I am + sinking. Come to me!” I went to him. I sat beside his bed, sir, and I + stood beside his grave. Yes, at the risk of offending even you, I did it, + sir. Though the avowal should lead to our instant separation, and to the + severing of those tender ties between us which have recently been formed, + I make it. But I am not a legatee,’ said Mr Pecksniff, smiling + dispassionately; ‘and I never expected to be a legatee. I knew better!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘His son a pattern!’ cried old Martin. ‘How can you tell me that? My + brother had in his wealth the usual doom of wealth, and root of misery. He + carried his corrupting influence with him, go where he would; and shed it + round him, even on his hearth. It made of his own child a greedy + expectant, who measured every day and hour the lessening distance between + his father and the grave, and cursed his tardy progress on that dismal + road.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, boldly. ‘Not at all, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I saw that shadow in his house,’ said Martin Chuzzlewit, ‘the last + time we met, and warned him of its presence. I know it when I see it, do I + not? I, who have lived within it all these years!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I deny it,’ Mr Pecksniff answered, warmly. ‘I deny it altogether. That + bereaved young man is now in this house, sir, seeking in change of scene + the peace of mind he has lost. Shall I be backward in doing justice to + that young man, when even undertakers and coffin-makers have been moved by + the conduct he has exhibited; when even mutes have spoken in his praise, + and the medical man hasn’t known what to do with himself in the excitement + of his feelings! There is a person of the name of Gamp, sir—Mrs Gamp—ask + her. She saw Mr Jonas in a trying time. Ask <i>her</i>, sir. She is respectable, + but not sentimental, and will state the fact. A line addressed to Mrs + Gamp, at the Bird Shop, Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, London, will meet + with every attention, I have no doubt. Let her be examined, my good sir. + Strike, but hear! Leap, Mr Chuzzlewit, but look! Forgive me, my dear sir,’ + said Mr Pecksniff, taking both his hands, ‘if I am warm; but I am honest, + and must state the truth.’ + </p> + <p> + In proof of the character he gave himself, Mr Pecksniff suffered tears of + honesty to ooze out of his eyes. + </p> + <p> + The old man gazed at him for a moment with a look of wonder, repeating to + himself, ‘Here now! In this house!’ But he mastered his surprise, and + said, after a pause: + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me see him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In a friendly spirit, I hope?’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Forgive me, sir but he + is in the receipt of my humble hospitality.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I said,’ replied the old man, ‘let me see him. If I were disposed to + regard him in any other than a friendly spirit, I should have said keep us + apart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly, my dear sir. So you would. You are frankness itself, I know. I + will break this happiness to him,’ said Mr Pecksniff, as he left the room, + ‘if you will excuse me for a minute—gently.’ + </p> + <p> + He paved the way to the disclosure so very gently, that a quarter of an + hour elapsed before he returned with Mr Jonas. In the meantime the young + ladies had made their appearance, and the table had been set out for the + refreshment of the travellers. + </p> + <p> + Now, however well Mr Pecksniff, in his morality, had taught Jonas the + lesson of dutiful behaviour to his uncle, and however perfectly Jonas, in + the cunning of his nature, had learnt it, that young man’s bearing, when + presented to his father’s brother, was anything but manly or engaging. + Perhaps, indeed, so singular a mixture of defiance and obsequiousness, of + fear and hardihood, of dogged sullenness and an attempt at enraging and + propitiation, never was expressed in any one human figure as in that of + Jonas, when, having raised his downcast eyes to Martin’s face, he let them + fall again, and uneasily closing and unclosing his hands without a + moment’s intermission, stood swinging himself from side to side, waiting + to be addressed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nephew,’ said the old man. ‘You have been a dutiful son, I hear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As dutiful as sons in general, I suppose,’ returned Jonas, looking up and + down once more. ‘I don’t brag to have been any better than other sons; but + I haven’t been any worse, I dare say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A pattern to all sons, I am told,’ said the old man, glancing towards Mr + Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod!’ said Jonas, looking up again for a moment, and shaking his head, + ‘I’ve been as good a son as ever you were a brother. It’s the pot and the + kettle, if you come to that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You speak bitterly, in the violence of your regret,’ said Martin, after a + pause. ‘Give me your hand.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas did so, and was almost at his ease. ‘Pecksniff,’ he whispered, as + they drew their chairs about the table; ‘I gave him as good as he brought, + eh? He had better look at home, before he looks out of window, I think?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff only answered by a nudge of the elbow, which might either be + construed into an indignant remonstrance or a cordial assent; but which, + in any case, was an emphatic admonition to his chosen son-in-law to be + silent. He then proceeded to do the honours of the house with his + accustomed ease and amiability. + </p> + <p> + But not even Mr Pecksniff’s guileless merriment could set such a party at + their ease, or reconcile materials so utterly discordant and conflicting + as those with which he had to deal. The unspeakable jealously and hatred + which that night’s explanation had sown in Charity’s breast, was not to be + so easily kept down; and more than once it showed itself in such + intensity, as seemed to render a full disclosure of all the circumstances + then and there, impossible to be avoided. The beauteous Merry, too, with + all the glory of her conquest fresh upon her, so probed and lanced the + rankling disappointment of her sister by her capricious airs and thousand + little trials of Mr Jonas’s obedience, that she almost goaded her into a + fit of madness, and obliged her to retire from table in a burst of + passion, hardly less vehement than that to which she had abandoned herself + in the first tumult of her wrath. The constraint imposed upon the family + by the presence among them for the first time of Mary Graham (for by that + name old Martin Chuzzlewit had introduced her) did not at all improve this + state of things; gentle and quiet though her manner was. Mr Pecksniff’s + situation was peculiarly trying; for, what with having constantly to keep + the peace between his daughters; to maintain a reasonable show of + affection and unity in his household; to curb the growing ease and gaiety + of Jonas, which vented itself in sundry insolences towards Mr Pinch, and + an indefinable coarseness of manner in reference to Mary (they being the + two dependants); to make no mention at all of his having perpetually to + conciliate his rich old relative, and to smooth down, or explain away, + some of the ten thousand bad appearances and combinations of bad + appearances, by which they were surrounded on that unlucky evening—what + with having to do this, and it would be difficult to sum up how much more, + without the least relief or assistance from anybody, it may be easily + imagined that Mr Pecksniff had in his enjoyment something more than that + usual portion of alloy which is mixed up with the best of men’s delights. + Perhaps he had never in his life felt such relief as when old Martin, + looking at his watch, announced that it was time to go. + </p> + <p> + ‘We have rooms,’ he said, ‘at the Dragon, for the present. I have a fancy + for the evening walk. The nights are dark just now; perhaps Mr Pinch would + not object to light us home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear sir!’ cried Pecksniff, ‘I shall be delighted. Merry, my child, + the lantern.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The lantern, if you please, my dear,’ said Martin; ‘but I couldn’t think + of taking your father out of doors to-night; and, to be brief, I won’t.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff already had his hat in his hand, but it was so emphatically + said that he paused. + </p> + <p> + ‘I take Mr Pinch, or go alone,’ said Martin. ‘Which shall it be?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It shall be Thomas, sir,’ cried Pecksniff, ‘since you are so resolute + upon it. Thomas, my friend, be very careful, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was in some need of this injunction, for he felt so nervous, and + trembled to such a degree, that he found it difficult to hold the lantern. + How much more difficult when, at the old man’s bidding she drew her hand + through his—Tom Pinch’s—arm! + </p> + <p> + ‘And so, Mr Pinch,’ said Martin, on the way, ‘you are very comfortably + situated here; are you?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom answered, with even more than his usual enthusiasm, that he was under + obligations to Mr Pecksniff which the devotion of a lifetime would but + imperfectly repay. + </p> + <p> + ‘How long have you known my nephew?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your nephew, sir?’ faltered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear, yes,’ cried Tom, greatly relieved, for his mind was running upon + Martin. ‘Certainly. I never spoke to him before to-night, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps half a lifetime will suffice for the acknowledgment of <i>his</i> + kindness,’ observed the old man. + </p> + <p> + Tom felt that this was a rebuff for him, and could not but understand it + as a left-handed hit at his employer. So he was silent. Mary felt that Mr + Pinch was not remarkable for presence of mind, and that he could not say + too little under existing circumstances. So <i>she </i>was silent. The old man, + disgusted by what in his suspicious nature he considered a shameless and + fulsome puff of Mr Pecksniff, which was a part of Tom’s hired service and + in which he was determined to persevere, set him down at once for a + deceitful, servile, miserable fawner. So <i>he</i> was silent. And though they + were all sufficiently uncomfortable, it is fair to say that Martin was + perhaps the most so; for he had felt kindly towards Tom at first, and had + been interested by his seeming simplicity. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re like the rest,’ he thought, glancing at the face of the + unconscious Tom. ‘You had nearly imposed upon me, but you have lost your + labour. You are too zealous a toad-eater, and betray yourself, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + During the whole remainder of the walk, not another word was spoken. First + among the meetings to which Tom had long looked forward with a beating + heart, it was memorable for nothing but embarrassment and confusion. They + parted at the Dragon door; and sighing as he extinguished the candle in + the lantern, Tom turned back again over the gloomy fields. + </p> + <p> + As he approached the first stile, which was in a lonely part, made very + dark by a plantation of young firs, a man slipped past him and went on + before. Coming to the stile he stopped, and took his seat upon it. Tom was + rather startled, and for a moment stood still, but he stepped forward + again immediately, and went close up to him. + </p> + <p> + It was Jonas; swinging his legs to and fro, sucking the head of a stick, + and looking with a sneer at Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious me!’ cried Tom, ‘who would have thought of its being you! + You followed us, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s that to you?’ said Jonas. ‘Go to the devil!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not very civil, I think,’ remarked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Civil enough for <i>you</i>,’ retorted Jonas. ‘Who are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One who has as good a right to common consideration as another,’ said Tom + mildly. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re a liar,’ said Jonas. ‘You haven’t a right to any consideration. + You haven’t a right to anything. You’re a pretty sort of fellow to talk + about your rights, upon my soul! Ha, ha!—Rights, too!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you proceed in this way,’ returned Tom, reddening, ‘you will oblige me + to talk about my wrongs. But I hope your joke is over.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s the way with you curs,’ said Mr Jonas, ‘that when you know a man’s + in real earnest, you pretend to think he’s joking, so that you may turn it + off. But that won’t do with me. It’s too stale. Now just attend to me for + a bit, Mr Pitch, or Witch, or Stitch, or whatever your name is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My name is Pinch,’ observed Tom. ‘Have the goodness to call me by it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What! You mustn’t even be called out of your name, mustn’t you!’ cried + Jonas. ‘Pauper’ prentices are looking up, I think. Ecod, we manage ‘em a + little better in the city!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never mind what you do in the city,’ said Tom. ‘What have you got to say + to me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just this, Mister Pinch,’ retorted Jonas, thrusting his face so close to + Tom’s that Tom was obliged to retreat a step. ‘I advise you to keep your + own counsel, and to avoid title-tattle, and not to cut in where you’re not + wanted. I’ve heard something of you, my friend, and your meek ways; and I + recommend you to forget ‘em till I am married to one of Pecksniff’s gals, + and not to curry favour among my relations, but to leave the course clear. + You know, when curs won’t leave the course clear, they’re whipped off; so + this is kind advice. Do you understand? Eh? Damme, who are you,’ cried + Jonas, with increased contempt, ‘that you should walk home with <i>them</i>, + unless it was behind ‘em, like any other servant out of livery?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come!’ cried Tom, ‘I see that you had better get off the stile, and let + me pursue my way home. Make room for me, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t think it!’ said Jonas, spreading out his legs. ‘Not till I choose. + And I don’t choose now. What! You’re afraid of my making you split upon + some of your babbling just now, are you, Sneak?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not afraid of many things, I hope,’ said Tom; ‘and certainly not of + anything that you will do. I am not a tale-bearer, and I despise all + meanness. You quite mistake me. Ah!’ cried Tom, indignantly. ‘Is this + manly from one in your position to one in mine? Please to make room for me + to pass. The less I say, the better.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The less you say!’ retorted Jonas, dangling his legs the more, and taking + no heed of this request. ‘You say very little, don’t you? Ecod, I should + like to know what goes on between you and a vagabond member of my family. + There’s very little in that too, I dare say!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know no vagabond member of your family,’ cried Tom, stoutly. + </p> + <p> + ‘You do!’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t,’ said Tom. ‘Your uncle’s namesake, if you mean him, is no + vagabond. Any comparison between you and him’—Tom snapped his + fingers at him, for he was rising fast in wrath—‘is immeasurably to + your disadvantage.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh indeed!’ sneered Jonas. ‘And what do you think of his deary—his + beggarly leavings, eh, Mister Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t mean to say another word, or stay here another instant,’ replied + Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘As I told you before, you’re a liar,’ said Jonas, coolly. ‘You’ll stay + here till I give you leave to go. Now, keep where you are, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + He flourished his stick over Tom’s head; but in a moment it was spinning + harmlessly in the air, and Jonas himself lay sprawling in the ditch. In + the momentary struggle for the stick, Tom had brought it into violent + contact with his opponent’s forehead; and the blood welled out profusely + from a deep cut on the temple. Tom was first apprised of this by seeing + that he pressed his handkerchief to the wounded part, and staggered as he + rose, being stunned. + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you hurt?’ said Tom. ‘I am very sorry. Lean on me for a moment. You + can do that without forgiving me, if you still bear me malice. But I don’t + know why; for I never offended you before we met on this spot.’ + </p> + <p> + He made him no answer; not appearing at first to understand him, or even + to know that he was hurt, though he several times took his handkerchief + from the cut to look vacantly at the blood upon it. After one of these + examinations, he looked at Tom, and then there was an expression in his + features, which showed that he understood what had taken place, and would + remember it. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20419m.jpg" alt="20419m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20419.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Nothing more passed between them as they went home. Jonas kept a little in + advance, and Tom Pinch sadly followed, thinking of the grief which the + knowledge of this quarrel must occasion his excellent benefactor. When + Jonas knocked at the door, Tom’s heart beat high; higher when Miss Mercy + answered it, and seeing her wounded lover, shireked aloud; higher, when he + followed them into the family parlour; higher than at any other time, when + Jonas spoke. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t make a noise about it,’ he said. ‘It’s nothing worth mentioning. I + didn’t know the road; the night’s very dark; and just as I came up with Mr + Pinch’—he turned his face towards Tom, but not his eyes—‘I ran + against a tree. It’s only skin deep.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cold water, Merry, my child!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Brown paper! Scissors! + A piece of old linen! Charity, my dear, make a bandage. Bless me, Mr + Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, bother <i>your </i>nonsense,’ returned the gracious son-in-law elect. ‘Be of + some use if you can. If you can’t, get out!’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity, though called upon to lend her aid, sat upright in one + corner, with a smile upon her face, and didn’t move a finger. Though Mercy + laved the wound herself; and Mr Pecksniff held the patient’s head between + his two hands, as if without that assistance it must inevitably come in + half; and Tom Pinch, in his guilty agitation, shook a bottle of Dutch + Drops until they were nothing but English Froth, and in his other hand + sustained a formidable carving-knife, really intended to reduce the + swelling, but apparently designed for the ruthless infliction of another + wound as soon as that was dressed; Charity rendered not the least + assistance, nor uttered a word. But when Mr Jonas’s head was bound up, and + he had gone to bed, and everybody else had retired, and the house was + quiet, Mr Pinch, as he sat mournfully on his bedstead, ruminating, heard a + gentle tap at his door; and opening it, saw her, to his great + astonishment, standing before him with her finger on her lip. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ she whispered. ‘Dear Mr Pinch! Tell me the truth! You did + that? There was some quarrel between you, and you struck him? I am sure of + it!’ + </p> + <p> + It was the first time she had ever spoken kindly to Tom, in all the many + years they had passed together. He was stupefied with amazement. + </p> + <p> + ‘Was it so, or not?’ she eagerly demanded. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was very much provoked,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then it was?’ cried Charity, with sparkling eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ye-yes. We had a struggle for the path,’ said Tom. ‘But I didn’t mean to + hurt him so much.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not so much!’ she repeated, clenching her hand and stamping her foot, to + Tom’s great wonder. ‘Don’t say that. It was brave of you. I honour you for + it. If you should ever quarrel again, don’t spare him for the world, but + beat him down and set your shoe upon him. Not a word of this to anybody. + Dear Mr Pinch, I am your friend from tonight. I am always your friend from + this time.’ + </p> + <p> + She turned her flushed face upon Tom to confirm her words by its kindling + expression; and seizing his right hand, pressed it to her breast, and + kissed it. And there was nothing personal in this to render it at all + embarrassing, for even Tom, whose power of observation was by no means + remarkable, knew from the energy with which she did it that she would have + fondled any hand, no matter how bedaubed or dyed, that had broken the head + of Jonas Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + Tom went into his room, and went to bed, full of uncomfortable thoughts. + That there should be any such tremendous division in the family as he knew + must have taken place to convert Charity Pecksniff into his friend, for + any reason, but, above all, for that which was clearly the real one; that + Jonas, who had assailed him with such exceeding coarseness, should have + been sufficiently magnanimous to keep the secret of their quarrel; and + that any train of circumstances should have led to the commission of an + assault and battery by Thomas Pinch upon any man calling himself the + friend of Seth Pecksniff; were matters of such deep and painful cogitation + that he could not close his eyes. His own violence, in particular, so + preyed upon the generous mind of Tom, that coupling it with the many + former occasions on which he had given Mr Pecksniff pain and anxiety + (occasions of which that gentleman often reminded him), he really began to + regard himself as destined by a mysterious fate to be the evil genius and + bad angel of his patron. But he fell asleep at last, and dreamed—new + source of waking uneasiness—that he had betrayed his trust, and run + away with Mary Graham. + </p> + <p> + It must be acknowledged that, asleep or awake, Tom’s position in reference + to this young lady was full of uneasiness. The more he saw of her, the + more he admired her beauty, her intelligence, the amiable qualities that + even won on the divided house of Pecksniff, and in a few days restored, at + all events, the semblance of harmony and kindness between the angry + sisters. When she spoke, Tom held his breath, so eagerly he listened; when + she sang, he sat like one entranced. She touched his organ, and from that + bright epoch even it, the old companion of his happiest hours, incapable + as he had thought of elevation, began a new and deified existence. + </p> + <p> + God’s love upon thy patience, Tom! Who, that had beheld thee, for three + summer weeks, poring through half the deadlong night over the jingling + anatomy of that inscrutable old harpsichord in the back parlour, could + have missed the entrance to thy secret heart: albeit it was dimly known to + thee? Who that had seen the glow upon thy cheek when leaning down to + listen, after hours of labour, for the sound of one incorrigible note, + thou foundest that it had a voice at last, and wheezed out a flat + something, distantly akin to what it ought to be, would not have known + that it was destined for no common touch, but one that smote, though + gently as an angel’s hand, upon the deepest chord within thee! And if a + friendly glance—aye, even though it were as guileless as thine own, + Dear Tom—could have but pierced the twilight of that evening, when, + in a voice well tempered to the time, sad, sweet, and low, yet hopeful, + she first sang to the altered instrument, and wondered at the change; and + thou, sitting apart at the open window, kept a glad silence and a swelling + heart—must not that glance have read perforce the dawning of a + story, Tom, that it were well for thee had never been begun! + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch’s situation was not made the less dangerous or difficult by the + fact of no one word passing between them in reference to Martin. + Honourably mindful of his promise, Tom gave her opportunities of all + kinds. Early and late he was in the church; in her favourite walks; in the + village, in the garden, in the meadows; and in any or all of these places + he might have spoken freely. But no; at all such times she carefully + avoided him, or never came in his way unaccompanied. It could not be that + she disliked or distrusted him, for by a thousand little delicate means, + too slight for any notice but his own, she singled him out when others + were present, and showed herself the very soul of kindness. Could it be + that she had broken with Martin, or had never returned his affection, save + in his own bold and heightened fancy? Tom’s cheek grew red with + self-reproach as he dismissed the thought. + </p> + <p> + All this time old Martin came and went in his own strange manner, or sat + among the rest absorbed within himself, and holding little intercourse + with any one. Although he was unsocial, he was not willful in other + things, or troublesome, or morose; being never better pleased than when + they left him quite unnoticed at his book, and pursued their own + amusements in his presence, unreserved. It was impossible to discern in + whom he took an interest, or whether he had an interest in any of them. + Unless they spoke to him directly, he never showed that he had ears or + eyes for anything that passed. + </p> + <p> + One day the lively Merry, sitting with downcast eyes under a shady tree in + the churchyard, whither she had retired after fatiguing herself by the + imposition of sundry trials on the temper of Mr Jonas, felt that a new + shadow came between her and the sun. Raising her eyes in the expectation + of seeing her betrothed, she was not a little surprised to see old Martin + instead. Her surprise was not diminished when he took his seat upon the + turf beside her, and opened a conversation thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘When are you to be married?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! dear Mr Chuzzlewit, my goodness me! I’m sure I don’t know. Not yet + awhile, I hope.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You hope?’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + It was very gravely said, but she took it for banter, and giggled + excessively. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come!’ said the old man, with unusual kindness, ‘you are young, + good-looking, and I think good-natured! Frivolous you are, and love to be, + undoubtedly; but you must have some heart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not given it all away, I can tell you,’ said Merry, nodding her + head shrewdly, and plucking up the grass. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you parted with any of it?’ + </p> + <p> + She threw the grass about, and looked another way, but said nothing. + </p> + <p> + Martin repeated his question. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lor, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit! really you must excuse me! How very odd you + are.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If it be odd in me to desire to know whether you love the young man whom + I understand you are to marry, I <i>am</i> very odd,’ said Martin. ‘For that is + certainly my wish.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s such a monster, you know,’ said Merry, pouting. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then you don’t love him?’ returned the old man. ‘Is that your meaning?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I’m sure I tell him a hundred times a day + that I hate him. You must have heard me tell him that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Often,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘And so I do,’ cried Merry. ‘I do positively.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Being at the same time engaged to marry him,’ observed the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes,’ said Merry. ‘But I told the wretch—my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, + I told him when he asked me—that if I ever did marry him, it should + only be that I might hate and tease him all my life.’ + </p> + <p> + She had a suspicion that the old man regarded Jonas with anything but + favour, and intended these remarks to be extremely captivating. He did not + appear, however, to regard them in that light by any means; for when he + spoke again, it was in a tone of severity. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look about you,’ he said, pointing to the graves; ‘and remember that from + your bridal hour to the day which sees you brought as low as these, and + laid in such a bed, there will be no appeal against him. Think, and speak, + and act, for once, like an accountable creature. Is any control put upon + your inclinations? Are you forced into this match? Are you insidiously + advised or tempted to contract it, by any one? I will not ask by whom; by + any one?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Merry, shrugging her shoulders. ‘I don’t know that I am.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t know that you are! Are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ replied Merry. ‘Nobody ever said anything to me about it. If any one + had tried to make me have him, I wouldn’t have had him at all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am told that he was at first supposed to be your sister’s admirer,’ + said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, good gracious! My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, it would be very hard to make + him, though he <i>is</i> a monster, accountable for other people’s vanity,’ said + Merry. ‘And poor dear Cherry is the vainest darling!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was her mistake, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope it was,’ cried Merry; ‘but, all along, the dear child has been so + dreadfully jealous, and <i>so</i> cross, that, upon my word and honour, it’s + impossible to please her, and it’s of no use trying.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not forced, persuaded, or controlled,’ said Martin, thoughtfully. ‘And + that’s true, I see. There is one chance yet. You may have lapsed into this + engagement in very giddiness. It may have been the wanton act of a light + head. Is that so?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,’ simpered Merry, ‘as to light-headedness, there + never was such a feather of a head as mine. It’s perfect balloon, I + declare! You never <i>did</i>, you know!’ + </p> + <p> + He waited quietly till she had finished, and then said, steadily and + slowly, and in a softened voice, as if he would still invite her + confidence: + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you any wish—or is there anything within your breast that + whispers you may form the wish, if you have time to think—to be + released from this engagement?’ + </p> + <p> + Again Miss Merry pouted, and looked down, and plucked the grass, and + shrugged her shoulders. No. She didn’t know that she had. She was pretty + sure she hadn’t. Quite sure, she might say. She ‘didn’t mind it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Has it ever occurred to you,’ said Martin, ‘that your married life may + perhaps be miserable, full of bitterness, and most unhappy?’ + </p> + <p> + Merry looked down again; and now she tore the grass up by the roots. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, what shocking words! Of course, I shall quarrel + with him. I should quarrel with any husband. Married people always + quarrel, I believe. But as to being miserable, and bitter, and all those + dreadful things, you know, why I couldn’t be absolutely that, unless he + always had the best of it; and I mean to have the best of it myself. I + always do now,’ cried Merry, nodding her head and giggling very much; ‘for + I make a perfect slave of the creature.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let it go on,’ said Martin, rising. ‘Let it go on! I sought to know your + mind, my dear, and you have shown it me. I wish you joy. Joy!’ he + repeated, looking full upon her, and pointing to the wicket-gate where + Jonas entered at the moment. And then, without waiting for his nephew, he + passed out at another gate, and went away. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you terrible old man!’ cried the facetious Merry to herself. ‘What a + perfectly hideous monster to be wandering about churchyards in the broad + daylight, frightening people out of their wits! Don’t come here, Griffin, + or I’ll go away directly.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas was the Griffin. He sat down upon the grass at her side, in spite + of this warning, and sulkily inquired: + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s my uncle been a-talking about?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘About you,’ rejoined Merry. ‘He says you’re not half good enough for me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes, I dare say! We all know that. He means to give you some present + worth having, I hope. Did he say anything that looked like it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>That </i>he didn’t!’ cried Merry, most decisively. + </p> + <p> + ‘A stingy old dog he is,’ said Jonas. ‘Well?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Griffin!’ cried Miss Mercy, in counterfeit amazement; ‘what are you + doing, Griffin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Only giving you a squeeze,’ said the discomfited Jonas. ‘There’s no harm + in that, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But there is great deal of harm in it, if I don’t consider it agreeable,’ + returned his cousin. ‘Do go along, will you? You make me so hot!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas withdrew his arm, and for a moment looked at her more like a + murderer than a lover. But he cleared his brow by degrees, and broke + silence with: + </p> + <p> + ‘I say, Mel!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you say, you vulgar thing—you low savage?’ cried his fair + betrothed. + </p> + <p> + ‘When is it to be? I can’t afford to go on dawdling about here half my + life, I needn’t tell you, and Pecksniff says that father’s being so lately + dead makes very little odds; for we can be married as quiet as we please + down here, and my being lonely is a good reason to the neighbours for + taking a wife home so soon, especially one that he knew. As to crossbones + (my uncle, I mean), he’s sure not to put a spoke in the wheel, whatever we + settle on, for he told Pecksniff only this morning, that if <i>you </i>liked it + he’d nothing at all to say. So, Mel,’ said Jonas, venturing on another + squeeze; ‘when shall it be?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word!’ cried Merry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my soul, if you like,’ said Jonas. ‘What do you say to next week, + now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To next week! If you had said next quarter, I should have wondered at + your impudence.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I didn’t say next quarter,’ retorted Jonas. ‘I said next week.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then, Griffin,’ cried Miss Merry, pushing him off, and rising. ‘I say no! + not next week. It shan’t be till I choose, and I may not choose it to be + for months. There!’ + </p> + <p> + He glanced up at her from the ground, almost as darkly as he had looked at + Tom Pinch; but held his peace. + </p> + <p> + ‘No fright of a Griffin with a patch over his eye shall dictate to me or + have a voice in the matter,’ said Merry. ‘There!’ + </p> + <p> + Still Mr Jonas held his peace. + </p> + <p> + ‘If it’s next month, that shall be the very earliest; but I won’t say when + it shall be till to-morrow; and if you don’t like that, it shall never be + at all,’ said Merry; ‘and if you follow me about and won’t leave me alone, + it shall never be at all. There! And if you don’t do everything I order + you to do, it shall never be at all. So don’t follow me. There, Griffin!’ + </p> + <p> + And with that, she skipped away, among the trees. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod, my lady!’ said Jonas, looking after her, and biting a piece of + straw, almost to powder; ‘you’ll catch it for this, when you <i>are </i>married. + It’s all very well now—it keeps one on, somehow, and you know it—but + I’ll pay you off scot and lot by-and-bye. This is a plaguey dull sort of a + place for a man to be sitting by himself in. I never could abide a mouldy + old churchyard.’ + </p> + <p> + As he turned into the avenue himself, Miss Merry, who was far ahead, + happened to look back. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Jonas, with a sullen smile, and a nod that was not addressed to + her. ‘Make the most of it while it lasts. Get in your hay while the sun + shines. Take your own way as long as it’s in your power, my lady!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0025" id="link2HCH0025"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE + </h2> + <p> + IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME VALUABLE HINTS + IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER + </p> + <p> + Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying the sweets + of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm delight. The day being + sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr Mould were on the window-seat, + and his back reclined against the shutter. Over his shining head a + handkerchief was drawn, to guard his baldness from the flies. The room was + fragrant with the smell of punch, a tumbler of which grateful compound + stood upon a small round table, convenient to the hand of Mr Mould; so + deftly mixed that as his eye looked down into the cool transparent drink, + another eye, peering brightly from behind the crisp lemon-peel, looked up + at him, and twinkled like a star. + </p> + <p> + Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould’s + establishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting room of + Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little counting-house + behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and shady. In this + domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid man, upon his punch + and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought a wider prospect, whence + he might return with freshened zest to these enjoyments, his moist glance + wandered like a sunbeam through a rural screen of scarlet runners, trained + on strings before the window, and he looked down, with an artist’s eye, + upon the graves. + </p> + <p> + The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould’s companions. + Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M. was plumper than + the two together. So round and chubby were their fair proportions, that + they might have been the bodies once belonging to the angels’ faces in the + shop below, grown up, with other heads attached to make them mortal. Even + their peachy cheeks were puffed out and distended, as though they ought of + right to be performing on celestial trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the + shop, who were depicted as constantly blowing those instruments for ever + and ever without any lungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely by ear. + </p> + <p> + Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was a helpmate + to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraph daughter, too, + enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him in return. So + bountiful were Mr Mould’s possessions, and so large his stock in trade, + that even there, within his household sanctuary, stood a cumbrous press, + whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, and winding-sheets, and other + furniture of funerals. But, though the Misses Mould had been brought up, + as one may say, beneath his eye, it had cast no shadow on their timid + infancy or blooming youth. Sporting behind the scenes of death and burial + from cradlehood, the Misses Mould knew better. Hat-bands, to them, were + but so many yards of silk or crape; the final robe but such a quantity of + linen. The Misses Mould could idealise a player’s habit, or a court-lady’s + petticoat, or even an act of parliament. But they were not to be taken in + by palls. They made them sometimes. + </p> + <p> + The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous noises in + the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner, where the City + strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and sometimes fell and + sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a thoughtful mind a stoppage in + Cheapside. The light came sparkling in among the scarlet runners, as if + the churchyard winked at Mr Mould, and said, ‘We understand each other;’ + and from the distant shop a pleasant sound arose of coffin-making with a + low melodious hammer, rat, tat, tat, tat, alike promoting slumber and + digestion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite the buzz of insects,’ said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in a perfect + luxury. ‘It puts one in mind of the sound of animated nature in the + agricultural districts. It’s exactly like the woodpecker tapping.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The woodpecker tapping the hollow <i>Elm </i>tree,’ observed Mrs Mould, adapting + the words of the popular melody to the description of wood commonly used + in the trade. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha!’ laughed Mr Mould. ‘Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be glad to + hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! Very good indeed. + I’ve seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my love.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and handed it + to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of their mother. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hollow <i>Elm </i>tree, eh?’ said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with his legs + in his enjoyment of the joke. ‘It’s beech in the song. Elm, eh? Yes, to be + sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that’s one of the best things I know?’ He + was so excessively tickled by the jest that he couldn’t forget it, but + repeated twenty times, ‘Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Elm, of course. Ha, ha, + ha! Upon my life, you know, that ought to be sent to somebody who could + make use of it. It’s one of the smartest things that ever was said. Hollow + <i>Elm </i>ree, eh? of course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + Here a knock was heard at the room door. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s Tacker, I know,’ said Mrs Mould, ‘by the wheezing he makes. Who + that hears him now, would suppose he’d ever had wind enough to carry the + feathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beg your pardon, ma’am,’ said Tacker, looking in a little way. ‘I thought + our Governor was here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! so he is,’ cried Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I didn’t see you, I’m sure,’ said Tacker, looking in a little + farther. ‘You wouldn’t be inclined to take a walking one of two, with the + plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly not,’ replied Mr Mould, ‘much too common. Nothing to say to + it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I told ‘em it was precious low,’ observed Mr Tacker. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell ‘em to go somewhere else. We don’t do that style of business here,’ + said Mr Mould. ‘Like their impudence to propose it. Who is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ returned Tacker, pausing, ‘that’s where it is, you see. It’s the + beadle’s son-in-law.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The beadle’s son-in-law, eh?’ said Mould. ‘Well! I’ll do it if the beadle + follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off that way, by looking + official, but it’ll be low enough, then. His cocked hat, mind!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll take care, sir,’ rejoined Tacker. ‘Oh! Mrs Gamp’s below, and wants + to speak to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,’ said Mould. ‘Now Mrs Gamp, what’s <i>your</i> + news?’ + </p> + <p> + The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying to Mrs + Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon the breeze, + as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously been to a + wine-vaults. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould again, + and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving that she + looked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, in the weeds she + had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of making her acquaintance; + and was perhaps the turning of a scale more snuffy. + </p> + <p> + ‘There are some happy creeturs,’ Mrs Gamp observed, ‘as time runs + back’ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do nothing + except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, I’m sure; for + young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,’ Mrs Gamp continued, + ‘only t’other day; the last Monday evening fortnight as ever dawned upon + this Piljian’s Projiss of a mortal wale; I says to Mrs Harris when she + says to me, “Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, sets marks upon us all.”—“Say + not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and me is to be continual friends, for + sech is not the case. Mrs Mould,” I says, making so free, I will confess, + as use the name,’ (she curtseyed here), ‘“is one of them that goes agen + the obserwation straight; and never, Mrs Harris, whilst I’ve a drop of + breath to draw, will I set by, and not stand up, don’t think it.”—“I + ast your pardon, ma’am,” says Mrs Harris, “and I humbly grant your grace; + for if ever a woman lived as would see her feller creeturs into fits to + serve her friends, well do I know that woman’s name is Sairey Gamp.”’ + </p> + <p> + At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may be taken + of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery surrounded this lady + of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle of Mrs Gamp’s + acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being know her place of + residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on her own showing to be in constant + communication with her. There were conflicting rumours on the subject; but + the prevalent opinion was that she was a phantom of Mrs Gamp’s brain—as + Messrs. Doe and Roe are fictions of the law—created for the express + purpose of holding visionary dialogues with her on all manner of subjects, + and invariably winding up with a compliment to the excellence of her + nature. + </p> + <p> + ‘And likeways what a pleasure,’ said Mrs Gamp, turning with a tearful + smile towards the daughters, ‘to see them two young ladies as I know’d + afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a day seen—ah, + the sweet creeturs!—playing at berryins down in the shop, and + follerin’ the order-book to its long home in the iron safe! But that’s all + past and over, Mr Mould;’ as she thus got in a carefully regulated routine + to that gentleman, she shook her head waggishly; ‘That’s all past and over + now, sir, an’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!’ returned the undertaker. + </p> + <p> + ‘More changes too, to come, afore we’ve done with changes, sir,’ said Mrs + Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. ‘Young ladies with such + faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don’t they, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure I don’t know, Mrs Gamp,’ said Mould, with a chuckle—‘Not + bad in Mrs Gamp, my dear?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes, you do know, sir!’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘and so does Mrs Mould, your + ‘ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the blessing of a daughter + was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would certainly have drunk + its little shoes right off its feet, as with our precious boy he did, and + arterward send the child a errand to sell his wooden leg for any money it + would fetch as matches in the rough, and bring it home in liquor; which + was truly done beyond his years, for ev’ry individgle penny that child + lost at toss or buy for kidney ones; and come home arterwards quite bold, + to break the news, and offering to drown himself if sech would be a + satisfaction to his parents.—Oh yes, you do know, sir,’ said Mrs + Gamp, wiping her eye with her shawl, and resuming the thread of her + discourse. ‘There’s something besides births and berryins in the + newspapers, an’t there, Mr Mould?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on his knee, + and said: ‘No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my life, Mrs Gamp is + very far from bad, my dear!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s marryings, an’t there, sir?’ said Mrs Gamp, while both the + daughters blushed and tittered. ‘Bless their precious hearts, and well + they knows it! Well you know’d it too, and well did Mrs Mould, when you + was at their time of life! But my opinion is, you’re all of one age now. + For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having grandchildren—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,’ replied the undertaker. ‘Devilish + smart, though. Ca-pi-tal!’—this was in a whisper. ‘My dear’—aloud + again—‘Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. Sit down, Mrs + Gamp, sit down.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up her eyes + towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to the fact of a + glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in her hand by one + of the young ladies, when she exhibited the greatest surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘A thing,’ she said, ‘as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me unless it + is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter settling heavy + on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, “Sairey Gamp,” she + says, “you raly do amaze me!” “Mrs Harris,” I says to her, “why so? Give + it a name, I beg.” “Telling the truth then, ma’am,” says Mrs Harris, “and + shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me, never did I think + till I know’d you, as any woman could sick-nurse and monthly likeways, on + the little that you takes to drink.” “Mrs Harris,” I says to her, “none on + us knows what we can do till we tries; and wunst, when me and Gamp kept + ‘ouse, I thought so too. But now,” I says, “my half a pint of porter fully + satisfies; perwisin’, Mrs Harris, that it is brought reg’lar, and draw’d + mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, ma’am, I hope I does my duty, but I am + but a poor woman, and I earns my living hard; therefore I <i>do</i> require it, + which I makes confession, to be brought reg’lar and draw’d mild.”’ + </p> + <p> + The precise connection between these observations and the glass of rum, + did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast ‘The best of lucks to + all!’ took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without any further + remarks. + </p> + <p> + ‘And what’s your news, Mrs Gamp?’ asked Mould again, as that lady wiped + her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, which + she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingent + drams. ‘How’s Mr Chuffey?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuffey, sir,’ she replied, ‘is jest as usual; he an’t no better and + he an’t no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have wrote up to + you and said, “let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come home;” but + ev’rythink he does is kind. There an’t a many like him. If there was, we + shouldn’t want no churches.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?’ said Mould, coming to + the point. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jest this, sir,’ Mrs Gamp returned, ‘with thanks to you for asking. There + <i>is</i> a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took ill there, and is + bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended from Bartholomew’s; and + well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein’ Mrs Prig, the best of creeturs. + But she is otherways engaged at night, and they are in wants of + night-watching; consequent she says to them, having reposed the greatest + friendliness in me for twenty year, “The soberest person going, and the + best of blessings in a sick room, is Mrs Gamp. Send a boy to Kingsgate + Street,” she says, “and snap her up at any price, for Mrs Gamp is worth + her weight and more in goldian guineas.” My landlord brings the message + down to me, and says, “bein’ in a light place where you are, and this job + promising so well, why not unite the two?” “No, sir,” I says, “not + unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do not think it. But I will go to Mr + Mould,” I says, “and ast him, if you like.”’ Here she looked sideways at + the undertaker, and came to a stop. + </p> + <p> + ‘Night-watching, eh?’ said Mould, rubbing his chin. + </p> + <p> + ‘From eight o’clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,’ Mrs Gamp + rejoined. + </p> + <p> + ‘And then go back, eh?’ said would. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein’ quiet, and + his hours early, he’d be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I will not deny,’ + said Mrs Gamp with meekness, ‘that I am but a poor woman, and that the + money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr Mould. Rich folks + may ride on camels, but it an’t so easy for ‘em to see out of a needle’s + eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mrs Gamp,’ observed Mould, ‘I don’t see any particular objection to + your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I should keep it + quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn’t mention it to Mr Chuzzlewit on his + return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked you + pointblank.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The very words was on my lips, sir,’ Mrs Gamp rejoined. ‘Suppoging that + the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying as I know’d + some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no offence to you, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly, Mrs Gamp,’ said Mould, with much condescension. ‘You may + casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly and in a + great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make it as + agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don’t obtrude + it, don’t obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear, you may as well give Mrs Gamp a + card or two, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for the + bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure. + </p> + <p> + ‘Wishing ev’ry happiness to this happy family,’ said Mrs Gamp ‘with all my + heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I should be jealous of + you, ma’am; and I’m sure, if I was you, I should be jealous of Mr Mould.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!’ cried the delighted undertaker. + </p> + <p> + ‘As to the young ladies,’ said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, ‘bless their + sweet looks—how they can ever reconsize it with their duties to be + so grown up with such young parents, it an’t for sech as me to give a + guess at.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!’ cried Mould. But in the height of + his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he said it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll tell you what, my dear,’ he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at last + withdrawn and shut the door, ‘that’s a ve-ry shrewd woman. That’s a woman + whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life. That’s a + woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She’s the sort of + woman now,’ said Mould, drawing his silk handkerchief over his head again, + and composing himself for a nap ‘one would almost feel disposed to bury + for nothing; and do it neatly, too!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the subject + of which had by this time reached the street, where she experienced so + much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged to stand under an + archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even after this precaution, + she walked so unsteadily as to attract the compassionate regards of divers + kind-hearted boys, who took the liveliest interest in her disorder; and in + their simple language bade her be of good cheer, for she was ‘only a + little screwed.’ + </p> + <p> + Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical science would + have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly acquainted with the + way home again; and arriving at the house of Anthony Chuzzlewit & Son, + lay down to rest. Remaining there until seven o’clock in the evening, and + then persuading poor old Chuffey to betake himself to bed, she sallied + forth upon her new engagement. First, she went to her private lodgings in + Kingsgate Street, for a bundle of robes and wrappings comfortable in the + night season; and then repaired to the Bull in Holborn, which she reached + as the clocks were striking eight. + </p> + <p> + As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, landlady, and + head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together talking earnestly + with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come or to be just going + away. The first words that struck upon Mrs Gamp’s ear obviously bore + reference to the patient; and it being expedient that all good attendants + should know as much as possible about the case on which their skill is + brought to bear, Mrs Gamp listened as a matter of duty. + </p> + <p> + ‘No better, then?’ observed the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Worse!’ said the landlord. + </p> + <p> + ‘Much worse,’ added the landlady. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! a deal badder,’ cried the chambermaid from the background, opening + her eyes very wide, and shaking her head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor fellow!’ said the gentleman, ‘I am sorry to hear it. The worst of it + is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he has, or where they + live, except that it certainly is not in London.’ + </p> + <p> + The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the landlord; + and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, ‘that of all the many wague + directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they wasn’t few in an + hotel), <i>that </i>was the waguest.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The fact is, you see,’ pursued the gentleman, ‘as I told you yesterday + when you sent to me, I really know very little about him. We were + school-fellows together; but since that time I have only met him twice. On + both occasions I was in London for a boy’s holiday (having come up for a + week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of him again directly. The + letter bearing my name and address which you found upon his table, and + which led to your applying to me, is in answer, you will observe, to one + he wrote from this house the very day he was taken ill, making an + appointment with him at his own request. Here is his letter, if you wish + to see it.’ + </p> + <p> + The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The chambermaid, in + the background, made out as much of it as she could, and invented the + rest; believing it all from that time forth as a positive piece of + evidence. + </p> + <p> + ‘He has very little luggage, you say?’ observed the gentleman, who was no + other than our old friend, John Westlock. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing but a portmanteau,’ said the landlord; ‘and very little in it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A few pounds in his purse, though?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. It’s sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum of the + amount, which you’re welcome to see.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said John, ‘as the medical gentleman says the fever must take its + course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him his drinks + regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing more can be said + that I know of, until he is in a condition to give us some information. + Can you suggest anything else?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘N-no,’ replied the landlord, ‘except—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Except, who’s to pay, I suppose?’ said John. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ hesitated the landlord, ‘it would be as well.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite as well,’ said the landlady. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not forgetting to remember the servants,’ said the chambermaid in a bland + whisper. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is but reasonable, I fully admit,’ said John Westlock. ‘At all events, + you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present; and I will readily + undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘A rayal gentleman!’ + </p> + <p> + She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. Mrs + Gamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and introducing + herself. + </p> + <p> + ‘The night-nurse,’ she observed, ‘from Kingsgate Street, well beknown to + Mrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is the poor dear + gentleman to-night? If he an’t no better yet, still that is what must be + expected and prepared for. It an’t the fust time by a many score, ma’am,’ + dropping a curtsey to the landlady, ‘that Mrs Prig and me has nussed + together, turn and turn about, one off, one on. We knows each other’s + ways, and often gives relief when others fail. Our charges is but low, + sir’—Mrs Gamp addressed herself to John on this head—‘considerin’ + the nater of our painful dooty. If they wos made accordin’ to our wishes, + they would be easy paid.’ + </p> + <p> + Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, Mrs + Gamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be conducted to the + scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, through a variety + of intricate passages, to the top of the house; and pointing at length to + a solitary door at the end of a gallery, informed her that yonder was the + chamber where the patient lay. That done, she hurried off with all the + speed she could make. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carried her + large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door which was + immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all impatience to + be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so fat; and her voice was + deeper and more like a man’s. She had also a beard. + </p> + <p> + ‘I began to think you warn’t a-coming!’ Mrs Prig observed, in some + displeasure. + </p> + <p> + ‘It shall be made good to-morrow night,’ said Mrs Gamp ‘Honorable. I had + to go and fetch my things.’ She had begun to make signs of inquiry in + reference to the position of the patient and his overhearing them—for + there was a screen before the door—when Mrs Prig settled that point + easily. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ she said aloud, ‘he’s quiet, but his wits is gone. It an’t no matter + wot you say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Anythin’ to tell afore you goes, my dear?’ asked Mrs Gamp, setting her + bundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately at her partner. + </p> + <p> + ‘The pickled salmon,’ Mrs Prig replied, ‘is quite delicious. I can + partlck’ler recommend it. Don’t have nothink to say to the cold meat, for + it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified. + </p> + <p> + ‘The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,’ said Mrs + Prig, cursorily. ‘He took his last slime draught at seven. The easy-chair + an’t soft enough. You’ll want his piller.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly good + night, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other end of + the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing her + safely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her bundle, + walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of the sick + chamber. + </p> + <p> + ‘A little dull, but not so bad as might be,’ Mrs Gamp remarked. ‘I’m glad + to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs and chimley-pots to + walk upon.’ + </p> + <p> + It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out of + window. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the easy-chair, + which she indignantly declared was ‘harder than a brickbadge.’ Next she + pursued her researches among the physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, and + tea-cups; and when she had entirely satisfied her curiosity on all these + subjects of investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled up + to the bedside to take a look at the patient. + </p> + <p> + A young man—dark and not ill-looking—with long black hair, + that seemed the blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His eyes + were partly open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to side + upon the pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not utter words; + but every now and then gave vent to an expression of impatience or + fatigue, sometimes of surprise; and still his restless head—oh, + weary, weary hour!—went to and fro without a moment’s intermission. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at him + with her head inclined a little sideways, as a connoisseur might gaze upon + a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible remembrance of one branch + of her calling took possession of the woman; and stooping down, she pinned + his wandering arms against his sides, to see how he would look if laid out + as a dead man. Her fingers itched to compose his limbs in that last marble + attitude. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, ‘he’d make a lovely + corpse.’ + </p> + <p> + She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the aid of a + fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a preliminary to + refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of the night; laid what + she called ‘a little bit of fire,’ for the same philanthropic purpose; and + also set forth a small tea-board, that nothing might be wanting for her + comfortable enjoyment. These preparations occupied so long, that when they + were brought to a conclusion it was high time to think about supper; so + she rang the bell and ordered it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think, young woman,’ said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, in a + tone expressive of weakness, ‘that I could pick a little bit of pickled + salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling of white + pepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat of fresh + butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be such a thing as a + cowcumber in the ‘ouse, will you be so kind as bring it, for I’m rather + partial to ‘em, and they does a world of good in a sick room. If they + draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I takes <i>that </i>ale at night, my love, it + bein’ considered wakeful by the doctors. And whatever you do, young woman, + don’t bring more than a shilling’s-worth of gin and water-warm when I + rings the bell a second time; for that is always my allowance, and I never + takes a drop beyond!’ + </p> + <p> + Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that she would + stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end that the + patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second time; and + therefore she would thank the young woman to ‘look sharp.’ + </p> + <p> + A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber and Mrs + Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good humour. The extent + to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped up that refreshing + fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely be expressed in narrative. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling’s-worth, + ‘what a blessed thing it is—living in a wale—to be contented! + What a blessed thing it is to make sick people happy in their beds, and + never mind one’s self as long as one can do a service! I don’t believe a + finer cowcumber was ever grow’d. I’m sure I never see one!’ + </p> + <p> + She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and then + administered the patient’s medicine, by the simple process of clutching + his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it down his throat. + </p> + <p> + ‘I a’most forgot the piller, I declare!’ said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away. + ‘There! Now he’s comfortable as he can be, I’m sure! I must try to make + myself as much so as I can.’ + </p> + <p> + With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bed + in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for her feet. + Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of, she took + out of her bundle a yellow night-cap, of prodigious size, in shape + resembling a cabbage; which article of dress she fixed and tied on with + the utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald old curls + that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of + anything approaching to deception. From the same repository she brought + forth a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she + produced a watchman’s coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves, + so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in the + act of being embraced by one of the old patrol. + </p> + <p> + All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled herself up + on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the room became, and + full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets were gradually + hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of night was coffined + in the silent city. + </p> + <p> + Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past; + incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; dragging its + heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of + awful pomp; seeking but a moment’s rest among the long-forgotten haunts of + childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and dimly finding fear and horror + everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were the wanderings of Cain, to + these! + </p> + <p> + Still, without a moment’s interval, the burning head tossed to and fro. + Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and surprise, + found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once in + words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk; + waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though invisible companions were + about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioning again. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadow + of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come! Hold your tongue!’ she cried, in sharp reproof. ‘Don’t make none of + that noise here.’ + </p> + <p> + There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of the + head, but he talked on wildly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver; ‘I + thought I was a-sleepin’ too pleasant to last! The devil’s in the night, I + think, it’s turned so chilly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t drink so much!’ cried the sick man. ‘You’ll ruin us all. Don’t you + see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the sparkling water was + just now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sparkling water, indeed!’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘I’ll have a sparkling cup o’ + tea, I think. I wish you’d hold your noise!’ + </p> + <p> + He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismal + wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to count—fast. + </p> + <p> + ‘One—two—three—four—five—six.’ + </p> + <p> + “One, two, buckle my shoe,”’ said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees, + lighting the fire, “three, four, shut the door,”—I wish you’d shut + your mouth, young man—“five, six, picking up sticks.” If I’d got a + few handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.’ + </p> + <p> + Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the fender + (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for some time she + drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards and forwards + along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing her position to + do it. She maintained, all the while, a running commentary upon the + wanderings of the man in bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and with + the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the window, and + out at the door,’ he cried, anxiously. ‘Look there! Five hundred and + twenty-two—twenty-three—twenty-four. Do you see them?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! I see ‘em,’ said Mrs Gamp; ‘all the whole kit of ‘em numbered like + hackney-coaches, an’t they?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll take your next draught when I’ve made the kettle bile,’ retorted + Mrs Gamp, composedly, ‘and you’ll be touched then. You’ll be touched up, + too, if you don’t take it quiet.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, five hundred + and thirty.—Look here!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter now?’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘They’re coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the next + man’s, and his hand upon his shoulder. What’s that upon the arm of every + man, and on the flag?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Spiders, p’raps,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Would you have ‘em carry black crape in their insides?’ Mrs Gamp + retorted. ‘Hold your noise, hold your noise.’ + </p> + <p> + The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp + became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along the + top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by the + room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew: + </p> + <p> + ‘Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty, that + Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. She expected to find + the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house in the + city had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there. She + opened the window, and looked out. Dark, dull, dingy, and desolate + house-tops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient. + Just the same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off + the watchman’s coat, and fanned herself. + </p> + <p> + ‘It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,’ she said. ‘What could I have + been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I’ll be bound.’ + </p> + <p> + The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, and + the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs Gamp’s + nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made some + buttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with her face to the fire. + </p> + <p> + When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated in + her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out: + </p> + <p> + ‘Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, and + turned round with a start that made the little tea-board leap. The cry had + come from the bed. + </p> + <p> + It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window, and + the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew the sky, and + noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke of + newly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad awake. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her other + patient’s. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not admitted, the + disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shook his head. + It was all he could do, under the circumstances, and he did it well. + </p> + <p> + ‘What sort of a night, nurse?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Restless, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talk much?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Middling, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said the doctor, ‘we must keep him quiet; keep the room cool; give + him his draughts regularly; and see that he’s carefully looked to. That’s + all!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,’ + said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose,’ observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out; + ‘there’s nothin’ new?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothin’ at all, my dear,’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘He’s rather wearin’ in his talk + from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn’t mind him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, I shan’t mind him,’ Mrs Prig returned. ‘I have somethin’ else to + think of.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,’ + said Mrs Gamp. ‘But, Betsy Prig’—speaking with great feeling, and + laying her hand upon her arm—‘try the cowcumbers, God bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0026" id="link2HCH0026"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX + </h2> + <h3> + AN UNEXPECTED MEETING, AND A PROMISING PROSPECT + </h3> + <p> + The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source of + that attraction which frequently impels a shaver of the one to be a dealer + in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of scientific bodies; + not the less so, because their investigation would seem calculated to lead + to no particular result. It is enough to know that the artist who had the + honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp as his first-floor lodger, united the two + pursuits of barbering and bird-fancying; and that it was not an original + idea of his, but one in which he had, dispersed about the by-streets and + suburbs of the town, a host of rivals. + </p> + <p> + The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was commonly + called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was not uncommonly believed to have been so + christened, among his friends and neighbours. + </p> + <p> + With the exception of the staircase, and his lodger’s private apartment, + Poll Sweedlepipe’s house was one great bird’s nest. Gamecocks resided in + the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of their golden plumage on + the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; owls had possession of the + bedroom; and specimens of all the smaller fry of birds chirrupped and + twittered in the shop. The staircase was sacred to rabbits. There in + hutches of all shapes and kinds, made from old packing-cases, boxes, + drawers, and tea-chests, they increased in a prodigious degree, and + contributed their share towards that complicated whiff which, quite + impartially, and without distinction of persons, saluted every nose that + was put into Sweedlepipe’s easy shaving-shop. + </p> + <p> + Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday + morning, before church-time. Even archbishops shave, or must be shaved, on + a Sunday, and beards <i>will </i>grow after twelve o’clock on Saturday night, + though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, not being able to + engage their valets by the quarter, hire them by the job, and pay them—oh, + the wickedness of copper coin!—in dirty pence. Poll Sweedlepipe, the + sinner, shaved all comers at a penny each, and cut the hair of any + customer for twopence; and being a lone unmarried man, and having some + connection in the bird line, Poll got on tolerably well. + </p> + <p> + He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from which + even rabbits and birds could not remove the smell of shaving-soap. Poll + had something of the bird in his nature; not of the hawk or eagle, but of + the sparrow, that builds in chimney-stacks and inclines to human company. + He was not quarrelsome, though, like the sparrow; but peaceful, like the + dove. In his walk he strutted; and, in this respect, he bore a faint + resemblance to the pigeon, as well as in a certain prosiness of speech, + which might, in its monotony, be likened to the cooing of that bird. He + was very inquisitive; and when he stood at his shop-door in the + evening-tide, watching the neighbours, with his head on one side, and his + eye cocked knowingly, there was a dash of the raven in him. Yet there was + no more wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when any of his + ornithological properties were on the verge of going too far, they were + quenched, dissolved, melted down, and neutralised in the barber; just as + his bald head—otherwise, as the head of a shaved magpie—lost + itself in a wig of curly black ringlets, parted on one side, and cut away + almost to the crown, to indicate immense capacity of intellect. + </p> + <p> + Poll had a very small, shrill treble voice, which might have led the wags + of Kingsgate Street to insist the more upon his feminine designation. He + had a tender heart, too; for, when he had a good commission to provide + three or four score sparrows for a shooting-match, he would observe, in a + compassionate tone, how singular it was that sparrows should have been + made expressly for such purposes. The question, whether men were made to + shoot them, never entered into Poll’s philosophy. + </p> + <p> + Poll wore, in his sporting character, a velveteen coat, a great deal of + blue stocking, ankle boots, a neckerchief of some bright colour, and a + very tall hat. Pursuing his more quiet occupation of barber, he generally + subsided into an apron not over-clean, a flannel jacket, and corduroy + knee-shorts. It was in this latter costume, but with his apron girded + round his waist, as a token of his having shut up shop for the night, that + he closed the door one evening, some weeks after the occurrences detailed + in the last chapter, and stood upon the steps in Kingsgate Street, + listening until the little cracked bell within should leave off ringing. + For until it did—this was Mr Sweedlepipe’s reflection—the + place never seemed quiet enough to be left to itself. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s the greediest little bell to ring,’ said Poll, ‘that ever was. But + it’s quiet at last.’ + </p> + <p> + He rolled his apron up a little tighter as he said these words, and + hastened down the street. Just as he was turning into Holborn, he ran + against a young gentleman in a livery. This youth was bold, though small, + and with several lively expressions of displeasure, turned upon him + instantly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, <i>stoo-pid</i>!’ cried the young gentleman. ‘Can’t you look where you’re + a-going to—eh? Can’t you mind where you’re a-coming to—eh? + What do you think your eyes was made for—eh? Ah! Yes. Oh! Now then!’ + </p> + <p> + The young gentleman pronounced the two last words in a very loud tone and + with frightful emphasis, as though they contained within themselves the + essence of the direst aggravation. But he had scarcely done so, when his + anger yielded to surprise, and he cried, in a milder tone: + </p> + <p> + ‘What! Polly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it an’t you, sure!’ cried Poll. ‘It can’t be you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. It an’t me,’ returned the youth. ‘It’s my son, my oldest one. He’s a + credit to his father, an’t he, Polly?’ With this delicate little piece of + banter, he halted on the pavement, and went round and round in circles, + for the better exhibition of his figure; rather to the inconvenience of + the passengers generally, who were not in an equal state of spirits with + himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t have believed it,’ said Poll. ‘What! You’ve left your old + place, then? Have you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have I!’ returned his young friend, who had by this time stuck his hands + into the pockets of his white cord breeches, and was swaggering along at + the barber’s side. ‘D’ye know a pair of top-boots when you see ‘em, Polly?—look + here!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beau-ti-ful’ cried Mr Sweedlepipe. + </p> + <p> + ‘D’ye know a slap-up sort of button, when you see it?’ said the youth. + ‘Don’t look at mine, if you ain’t a judge, because these lions’ heads was + made for men of taste; not snobs.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beau-ti-ful!’ cried the barber again. ‘A grass-green frock-coat, too, + bound with gold; and a cockade in your hat!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should hope so,’ replied the youth. ‘Blow the cockade, though; for, + except that it don’t turn round, it’s like the wentilator that used to be + in the kitchen winder at Todgers’s. You ain’t seen the old lady’s name in + the Gazette, have you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ returned the barber. ‘Is she a bankrupt?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If she ain’t, she will be,’ retorted Bailey. ‘That bis’ness never can be + carried on without <i>me</i>. Well! How are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I’m pretty well,’ said Poll. ‘Are you living at this end of the town, + or were you coming to see me? Was that the bis’ness that brought you to + Holborn?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I haven’t got no bis’ness in Holborn,’ returned Bailey, with some + displeasure. ‘All my bis’ness lays at the West End. I’ve got the right + sort of governor now. You can’t see his face for his whiskers, and can’t + see his whiskers for the dye upon ‘em. That’s a gentleman ain’t it? You + wouldn’t like a ride in a cab, would you? Why, it wouldn’t be safe to + offer it. You’d faint away, only to see me a-comin’ at a mild trot round + the corner.’ + </p> + <p> + To convey a slight idea of the effect of this approach, Mr Bailey + counterfeited in his own person the action of a high-trotting horse and + threw up his head so high, in backing against a pump, that he shook his + hat off. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, he’s own uncle to Capricorn,’ said Bailey, ‘and brother to + Cauliflower. He’s been through the winders of two chaney shops since we’ve + had him, and was sold for killin’ his missis. That’s a horse, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! you’ll never want to buy any more red polls, now,’ observed Poll, + looking on his young friend with an air of melancholy. ‘You’ll never want + to buy any more red polls now, to hang up over the sink, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think not,’ replied Bailey. ‘Reether so. I wouldn’t have nothin’ + to say to any bird below a Peacock; and <i>he</i>’d be wulgar. Well, how are + you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I’m pretty well,’ said Poll. He answered the question again because + Mr Bailey asked it again; Mr Bailey asked it again, because—accompanied + with a straddling action of the white cords, a bend of the knees, and a + striking forth of the top-boots—it was an easy horse-fleshy, turfy + sort of thing to do. + </p> + <p> + ‘Wot are you up to, old feller?’ added Mr Bailey, with the same graceful + rakishness. He was quite the man-about-town of the conversation, while the + easy-shaver was the child. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I am going to fetch my lodger home,’ said Paul. + </p> + <p> + ‘A woman!’ cried Mr Bailey, ‘for a twenty-pun’ note!’ + </p> + <p> + The little barber hastened to explain that she was neither a young woman, + nor a handsome woman, but a nurse, who had been acting as a kind of + house-keeper to a gentleman for some weeks past, and left her place that + night, in consequence of being superseded by another and a more legitimate + house-keeper—to wit, the gentleman’s bride. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s newly married, and he brings his young wife home to-night,’ said the + barber. ‘So I’m going to fetch my lodger away—Mr Chuzzlewit’s, close + behind the Post Office—and carry her box for her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas Chuzzlewit’s?’ said Bailey. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ returned Paul: ‘that’s the name sure enough. Do you know him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, no!’ cried Mr Bailey; ‘not at all. And I don’t know her! Not neither! + Why, they first kept company through me, a’most.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah?’ said Paul. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mr Bailey, with a wink; ‘and she ain’t bad looking mind you. + But her sister was the best. <i>She </i>was the merry one. I often used to have a + bit of fun with her, in the hold times!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey spoke as if he already had a leg and three-quarters in the + grave, and this had happened twenty or thirty years ago. Paul Sweedlepipe, + the meek, was so perfectly confounded by his precocious self-possession, + and his patronizing manner, as well as by his boots, cockade, and livery, + that a mist swam before his eyes, and he saw—not the Bailey of + acknowledged juvenility from Todgers’s Commercial Boarding House, who had + made his acquaintance within a twelvemonth, by purchasing, at sundry + times, small birds at twopence each—but a highly-condensed + embodiment of all the sporting grooms in London; an abstract of all the + stable-knowledge of the time; a something at a high-pressure that must + have had existence many years, and was fraught with terrible experiences. + And truly, though in the cloudy atmosphere of Todgers’s, Mr Bailey’s + genius had ever shone out brightly in this particular respect, it now + eclipsed both time and space, cheated beholders of their senses, and + worked on their belief in defiance of all natural laws. He walked along + the tangible and real stones of Holborn Hill, an undersized boy; and yet + he winked the winks, and thought the thoughts, and did the deeds, and said + the sayings of an ancient man. There was an old principle within him, and + a young surface without. He became an inexplicable creature; a breeched + and booted Sphinx. There was no course open to the barber, but to go + distracted himself, or to take Bailey for granted; and he wisely chose the + latter. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey was good enough to continue to bear him company, and to + entertain him, as they went, with easy conversation on various sporting + topics; especially on the comparative merits, as a general principle, of + horses with white stockings, and horses without. In regard to the style of + tail to be preferred, Mr Bailey had opinions of his own, which he + explained, but begged they might by no means influence his friend’s, as + here he knew he had the misfortune to differ from some excellent + authorities. He treated Mr Sweedlepipe to a dram, compounded agreeably to + his own directions, which he informed him had been invented by a member of + the Jockey Club; and, as they were by this time near the barber’s + destination, he observed that, as he had an hour to spare, and knew the + parties, he would, if quite agreeable, be introduced to Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + Paul knocked at Jonas Chuzzlewit’s; and, on the door being opened by that + lady, made the two distinguished persons known to one another. It was a + happy feature in Mrs Gamp’s twofold profession, that it gave her an + interest in everything that was young as well as in everything that was + old. She received Mr Bailey with much kindness. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s very good, I’m sure, of you to come,’ she said to her landlord, ‘as + well as bring so nice a friend. But I’m afraid that I must trouble you so + far as to step in, for the young couple has not yet made appearance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They’re late, ain’t they?’ inquired her landlord, when she had conducted + them downstairs into the kitchen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir, considern’ the Wings of Love, they are,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey inquired whether the Wings of Love had ever won a plate, or + could be backed to do anything remarkable; and being informed that it was + not a horse, but merely a poetical or figurative expression, evinced + considerable disgust. Mrs Gamp was so very much astonished by his affable + manners and great ease, that she was about to propound to her landlord in + a whisper the staggering inquiry, whether he was a man or a boy, when Mr + Sweedlepipe, anticipating her design, made a timely diversion. + </p> + <p> + ‘He knows Mrs Chuzzlewit,’ said Paul aloud. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s nothin’ he don’t know; that’s my opinion,’ observed Mrs Gamp. + ‘All the wickedness of the world is Print to him.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey received this as a compliment, and said, adjusting his cravat, + ‘reether so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As you knows Mrs Chuzzlewit, you knows, p’raps, what her chris’en name + is?’ Mrs Gamp observed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Charity,’ said Bailey. + </p> + <p> + ‘That it ain’t!’ cried Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Cherry, then,’ said Bailey. ‘Cherry’s short for it. It’s all the same.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It don’t begin with a C at all,’ retorted Mrs Gamp, shaking her head. ‘It + begins with a M.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Whew!’ cried Mr Bailey, slapping a little cloud of pipe-clay out of his + left leg, ‘then he’s been and married the merry one!’ + </p> + <p> + As these words were mysterious, Mrs Gamp called upon him to explain, which + Mr Bailey proceeded to do; that lady listening greedily to everything he + said. He was yet in the fullness of his narrative when the sound of + wheels, and a double knock at the street door, announced the arrival of + the newly married couple. Begging him to reserve what more he had to say + for her hearing on the way home, Mrs Gamp took up the candle, and hurried + away to receive and welcome the young mistress of the house. + </p> + <p> + ‘Wishing you appiness and joy with all my art,’ said Mrs Gamp, dropping a + curtsey as they entered the hall; ‘and you, too, sir. Your lady looks a + little tired with the journey, Mr Chuzzlewit, a pretty dear!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She has bothered enough about it,’ grumbled Mr Jonas. ‘Now, show a light, + will you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This way, ma’am, if you please,’ said Mrs Gamp, going upstairs before + them. ‘Things has been made as comfortable as they could be, but there’s + many things you’ll have to alter your own self when you gets time to look + about you! Ah! sweet thing! But you don’t,’ added Mrs Gamp, internally, + ‘you don’t look much like a merry one, I must say!’ + </p> + <p> + It was true; she did not. The death that had gone before the bridal seemed + to have left its shade upon the house. The air was heavy and oppressive; + the rooms were dark; a deep gloom filled up every chink and corner. Upon + the hearthstone, like a creature of ill omen, sat the aged clerk, with his + eyes fixed on some withered branches in the stove. He rose and looked at + her. + </p> + <p> + ‘So there you are, Mr Chuff,’ said Jonas carelessly, as he dusted his + boots; ‘still in the land of the living, eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Still in the land of the living, sir,’ retorted Mrs Gamp. ‘And Mr Chuffey + may thank you for it, as many and many a time I’ve told him.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas was not in the best of humours, for he merely said, as he looked + round, ‘We don’t want you any more, you know, Mrs Gamp.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m a-going immediate, sir,’ returned the nurse; ‘unless there’s nothink + I can do for you, ma’am. Ain’t there,’ said Mrs Gamp, with a look of great + sweetness, and rummaging all the time in her pocket; ‘ain’t there nothink + I can do for you, my little bird?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Merry, almost crying. ‘You had better go away, please!’ + With a leer of mingled sweetness and slyness; with one eye on the future, + one on the bride, and an arch expression in her face, partly spiritual, + partly spirituous, and wholly professional and peculiar to her art; Mrs + Gamp rummaged in her pocket again, and took from it a printed card, + whereon was an inscription copied from her signboard. + </p> + <p> + ‘Would you be so good, my darling dovey of a dear young married lady,’ Mrs + Gamp observed, in a low voice, ‘as put that somewheres where you can keep + it in your mind? I’m well beknown to many ladies, and it’s my card. Gamp + is my name, and Gamp my nater. Livin’ quite handy, I will make so bold as + call in now and then, and make inquiry how your health and spirits is, my + precious chick!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20449m.jpg" alt="20449m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20449.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + And with innumerable leers, winks, coughs, nods, smiles, and curtseys, all + leading to the establishment of a mysterious and confidential + understanding between herself and the bride, Mrs Gamp, invoking a blessing + upon the house, leered, winked, coughed, nodded, smiled, and curtseyed + herself out of the room. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I will say, and I would if I was led a Martha to the Stakes for it,’ + Mrs Gamp remarked below stairs, in a whisper, ‘that she don’t look much + like a merry one at this present moment of time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! wait till you hear her laugh!’ said Bailey. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hem!’ cried Mrs Gamp, in a kind of groan. ‘I will, child.’ + </p> + <p> + They said no more in the house, for Mrs Gamp put on her bonnet, Mr + Sweedlepipe took up her box; and Mr Bailey accompanied them towards + Kingsgate Street; recounting to Mrs Gamp as they went along, the origin + and progress of his acquaintance with Mrs Chuzzlewit and her sister. It + was a pleasant instance of this youth’s precocity, that he fancied Mrs + Gamp had conceived a tenderness for him, and was much tickled by her + misplaced attachment. + </p> + <p> + As the door closed heavily behind them, Mrs Jonas sat down in a chair, and + felt a strange chill creep upon her, whilst she looked about the room. It + was pretty much as she had known it, but appeared more dreary. She had + thought to see it brightened to receive her. + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t good enough for you, I suppose?’ said Jonas, watching her looks. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, it <i>is</i> dull,’ said Merry, trying to be more herself. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’ll be duller before you’re done with it,’ retorted Jonas, ‘if you give + me any of your airs. You’re a nice article, to turn sulky on first coming + home! Ecod, you used to have life enough, when you could plague me with + it. The gal’s downstairs. Ring the bell for supper, while I take my boots + off!’ + </p> + <p> + She roused herself from looking after him as he left the room, to do what + he had desired; when the old man Chuffey laid his hand softly on her arm. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not married?’ he said eagerly. ‘Not married?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. A month ago. Good Heaven, what is the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + He answered nothing was the matter; and turned from her. But in her fear + and wonder, turning also, she saw him raise his trembling hands above his + head, and heard him say: + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! woe, woe, woe, upon this wicked house!’ + </p> + <p> + It was her welcome—<i>home</i>. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0027" id="link2HCH0027"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN + </h2> + <p> + SHOWING THAT OLD FRIENDS MAY NOT ONLY APPEAR WITH NEW FACES, BUT IN FALSE + COLOURS. THAT PEOPLE ARE PRONE TO BITE, AND THAT BITERS MAY SOMETIMES BE + BITTEN. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey, Junior—for the sporting character, whilom of general + utility at Todgers’s, had now regularly set up in life under that name, + without troubling himself to obtain from the legislature a direct licence + in the form of a Private Bill, which of all kinds and classes of bills is + without exception the most unreasonable in its charges—Mr Bailey, + Junior, just tall enough to be seen by an inquiring eye, gazing indolently + at society from beneath the apron of his master’s cab, drove slowly up and + down Pall Mall, about the hour of noon, in waiting for his ‘Governor.’ The + horse of distinguished family, who had Capricorn for his nephew, and + Cauliflower for his brother, showed himself worthy of his high relations + by champing at the bit until his chest was white with foam, and rearing + like a horse in heraldry; the plated harness and the patent leather + glittered in the sun; pedestrians admired; Mr Bailey was complacent, but + unmoved. He seemed to say, ‘A barrow, good people, a mere barrow; nothing + to what we could do, if we chose!’ and on he went, squaring his short + green arms outside the apron, as if he were hooked on to it by his + armpits. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey had a great opinion of Brother to Cauliflower, and estimated his + powers highly. But he never told him so. On the contrary, it was his + practice, in driving that animal, to assail him with disrespectful, if not + injurious, expressions, as, ‘Ah! would you!’ ‘Did you think it, then?’ + ‘Where are you going to now?’ ‘No, you won’t, my lad!’ and similar + fragmentary remarks. These being usually accompanied by a jerk of the + rein, or a crack of the whip, led to many trials of strength between them, + and to many contentions for the upper-hand, terminating, now and then, in + china-shops, and other unusual goals, as Mr Bailey had already hinted to + his friend Poll Sweedlepipe. + </p> + <p> + On the present occasion Mr Bailey, being in spirits, was more than + commonly hard upon his charge; in consequence of which that fiery animal + confined himself almost entirely to his hind legs in displaying his paces, + and constantly got himself into positions with reference to the cabriolet + that very much amazed the passengers in the street. But Mr Bailey, not at + all disturbed, had still a shower of pleasantries to bestow on any one who + crossed his path; as, calling to a full-grown coal-heaver in a wagon, who + for a moment blocked the way, ‘Now, young ‘un, who trusted <i>you </i>with a + cart?’ inquiring of elderly ladies who wanted to cross, and ran back + again, ‘Why they didn’t go to the workhouse and get an order to be + buried?’ tempting boys, with friendly words, to get up behind, and + immediately afterwards cutting them down; and the like flashes of a + cheerful humour, which he would occasionally relieve by going round St. + James’s Square at a hand gallop, and coming slowly into Pall Mall by + another entry, as if, in the interval, his pace had been a perfect crawl. + </p> + <p> + It was not until these amusements had been very often repeated, and the + apple-stall at the corner had sustained so many miraculous escapes as to + appear impregnable, that Mr Bailey was summoned to the door of a certain + house in Pall Mall, and turning short, obeyed the call and jumped out. It + was not until he had held the bridle for some minutes longer, every jerk + of Cauliflower’s brother’s head, and every twitch of Cauliflower’s + brother’s nostril, taking him off his legs in the meanwhile, that two + persons entered the vehicle, one of whom took the reins and drove rapidly + off. Nor was it until Mr Bailey had run after it some hundreds of yards in + vain, that he managed to lift his short leg into the iron step, and + finally to get his boots upon the little footboard behind. Then, indeed, + he became a sight to see; and—standing now on one foot and now upon + the other, now trying to look round the cab on this side, now on that, and + now endeavouring to peep over the top of it, as it went dashing in among + the carts and coaches—was from head to heel Newmarket. + </p> + <p> + The appearance of Mr Bailey’s governor as he drove along fully justified + that enthusiastic youth’s description of him to the wondering Poll. He had + a world of jet-black shining hair upon his head, upon his cheeks, upon his + chin, upon his upper lip. His clothes, symmetrically made, were of the + newest fashion and the costliest kind. Flowers of gold and blue, and green + and blushing red, were on his waistcoat; precious chains and jewels + sparkled on his breast; his fingers, clogged with brilliant rings, were as + unwieldly as summer flies but newly rescued from a honey-pot. The daylight + mantled in his gleaming hat and boots as in a polished glass. And yet, + though changed his name, and changed his outward surface, it was Tigg. + Though turned and twisted upside down, and inside out, as great men have + been sometimes known to be; though no longer Montague Tigg, but Tigg + Montague; still it was Tigg; the same Satanic, gallant, military Tigg. The + brass was burnished, lacquered, newly stamped; yet it was the true Tigg + metal notwithstanding. + </p> + <p> + Beside him sat a smiling gentleman, of less pretensions and of business + looks, whom he addressed as David. Surely not the David of the—how + shall it be phrased?—the triumvirate of golden balls? Not David, + tapster at the Lombards’ Arms? Yes. The very man. + </p> + <p> + ‘The secretary’s salary, David,’ said Mr Montague, ‘the office being now + established, is eight hundred pounds per annum, with his house-rent, + coals, and candles free. His five-and-twenty shares he holds, of course. + Is that enough?’ + </p> + <p> + David smiled and nodded, and coughed behind a little locked portfolio + which he carried; with an air that proclaimed him to be the secretary in + question. + </p> + <p> + ‘If that’s enough,’ said Montague, ‘I will propose it at the Board to-day, + in my capacity as chairman.’ + </p> + <p> + The secretary smiled again; laughed, indeed, this time; and said, rubbing + his nose slily with one end of the portfolio: + </p> + <p> + ‘It was a capital thought, wasn’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What was a capital thought, David?’ Mr Montague inquired. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Anglo-Bengalee,’ tittered the secretary. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company is + rather a capital concern, I hope, David,’ said Montague. + </p> + <p> + ‘Capital indeed!’ cried the secretary, with another laugh—’ in one + sense.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the only important one,’ observed the chairman; ‘which is number one, + David.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What,’ asked the secretary, bursting into another laugh, ‘what will be + the paid up capital, according to the next prospectus?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A figure of two, and as many oughts after it as the printer can get into + the same line,’ replied his friend. ‘Ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + At this they both laughed; the secretary so vehemently, that in kicking up + his feet, he kicked the apron open, and nearly started Cauliflower’s + brother into an oyster shop; not to mention Mr Bailey’s receiving such a + sudden swing, that he held on for a moment quite a young Fame, by one + strap and no legs. + </p> + <p> + ‘What a chap you are!’ exclaimed David admiringly, when this little alarm + had subsided. + </p> + <p> + ‘Say, genius, David, genius.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, upon my soul, you <i>are </i>a genius then,’ said David. ‘I always knew + you had the gift of the gab, of course; but I never believed you were half + the man you are. How could I?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I rise with circumstances, David. That’s a point of genius in itself,’ + said Tigg. ‘If you were to lose a hundred pound wager to me at this minute + David, and were to pay it (which is most confoundedly improbable), I + should rise, in a mental point of view, directly.’ + </p> + <p> + It is due to Mr Tigg to say that he had really risen with his + opportunities; and, peculating on a grander scale, he had become a grander + man altogether. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha,’ cried the secretary, laying his hand, with growing familiarity, + upon the chairman’s arm. ‘When I look at you, and think of your property + in Bengal being—ha, ha, ha!—’ + </p> + <p> + The half-expressed idea seemed no less ludicrous to Mr Tigg than to his + friend, for he laughed too, heartily. + </p> + <p> + ‘—Being,’ resumed David, ‘being amenable—your property in + Bengal being amenable—to all claims upon the company; when I look at + you and think of that, you might tickle me into fits by waving the feather + of a pen at me. Upon my soul you might!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It a devilish fine property,’ said Tigg Montague, ‘to be amenable to any + claims. The preserve of tigers alone is worth a mint of money, David.’ + </p> + <p> + David could only reply in the intervals of his laughter, ‘Oh, what a chap + you are!’ and so continued to laugh, and hold his sides, and wipe his + eyes, for some time, without offering any other observation. + </p> + <p> + ‘A capital idea?’ said Tigg, returning after a time to his companion’s + first remark; ‘no doubt it was a capital idea. It was my idea.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no. It was my idea,’ said David. ‘Hang it, let a man have some + credit. Didn’t I say to you that I’d saved a few pounds?—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You said! Didn’t I say to you,’ interposed Tigg, ‘that I had come into a + few pounds?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly you did,’ returned David, warmly, ‘but that’s not the idea. Who + said, that if we put the money together we could furnish an office, and + make a show?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And who said,’ retorted Mr Tigg, ‘that, provided we did it on a + sufficiently large scale, we could furnish an office and make a show, + without any money at all? Be rational, and just, and calm, and tell me + whose idea was that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, there,’ David was obliged to confess, ‘you had the advantage of me, + I admit. But I don’t put myself on a level with you. I only want a little + credit in the business.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All the credit you deserve to have,’ said Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘The plain work of the company, David—figures, books, circulars, + advertisements, pen, ink, and paper, sealing-wax and wafers—is + admirably done by you. You are a first-rate groveller. I don’t dispute it. + But the ornamental department, David; the inventive and poetical + department—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is entirely yours,’ said his friend. ‘No question of it. But with such a + swell turnout as this, and all the handsome things you’ve got about you, + and the life you lead, I mean to say it’s a precious comfortable + department too.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Does it gain the purpose? Is it Anglo-Bengalee?’ asked Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said David. + </p> + <p> + ‘Could you undertake it yourself?’ demanded Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said David. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha!’ laughed Tigg. ‘Then be contented with your station and your + profits, David, my fine fellow, and bless the day that made us acquainted + across the counter of our common uncle, for it was a golden day to you.’ + </p> + <p> + It will have been already gathered from the conversation of these + worthies, that they were embarked in an enterprise of some magnitude, in + which they addressed the public in general from the strong position of + having everything to gain and nothing at all to lose; and which, based + upon this great principle, was thriving pretty comfortably. + </p> + <p> + The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company started + into existence one morning, not an Infant Institution, but a Grown-up + Company running alone at a great pace, and doing business right and left: + with a ‘branch’ in a first floor over a tailor’s at the west-end of the + town, and main offices in a new street in the City, comprising the upper + part of a spacious house resplendent in stucco and plate-glass, with + wire-blinds in all the windows, and ‘Anglo-Bengalee’ worked into the + pattern of every one of them. On the doorpost was painted again in large + letters, ‘offices of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life + Assurance Company,’ and on the door was a large brass plate with the same + inscription; always kept very bright, as courting inquiry; staring the + City out of countenance after office hours on working days, and all day + long on Sundays; and looking bolder than the Bank. Within, the offices + were newly plastered, newly painted, newly papered, newly countered, newly + floor-clothed, newly tabled, newly chaired, newly fitted up in every way, + with goods that were substantial and expensive, and designed (like the + company) to last. Business! Look at the green ledgers with red backs, like + strong cricket-balls beaten flat; the court-guides directories, day-books, + almanacks, letter-boxes, weighing-machines for letters, rows of + fire-buckets for dashing out a conflagration in its first spark, and + saving the immense wealth in notes and bonds belonging to the company; + look at the iron safes, the clock, the office seal—in its capacious + self, security for anything. Solidity! Look at the massive blocks of + marble in the chimney-pieces, and the gorgeous parapet on the top of the + house! Publicity! Why, Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life + Assurance company is painted on the very coal-scuttles. It is repeated at + every turn until the eyes are dazzled with it, and the head is giddy. It + is engraved upon the top of all the letter paper, and it makes a + scroll-work round the seal, and it shines out of the porter’s buttons, and + it is repeated twenty times in every circular and public notice wherein + one David Crimple, Esquire, Secretary and resident Director, takes the + liberty of inviting your attention to the accompanying statement of the + advantages offered by the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life + Assurance Company; and fully proves to you that any connection on your + part with that establishment must result in a perpetual Christmas Box and + constantly increasing Bonus to yourself, and that nobody can run any risk + by the transaction except the office, which, in its great liberality is + pretty sure to lose. And this, David Crimple, Esquire, submits to you (and + the odds are heavy you believe him), is the best guarantee that can + reasonably be suggested by the Board of Management for its permanence and + stability. + </p> + <p> + This gentleman’s name, by the way, had been originally Crimp; but as the + word was susceptible of an awkward construction and might be + misrepresented, he had altered it to Crimple. + </p> + <p> + Lest with all these proofs and confirmations, any man should be suspicious + of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance company; + should doubt in tiger, cab, or person, Tigg Montague, Esquire, (of Pall + Mall and Bengal), or any other name in the imaginative List of Directors; + there was a porter on the premises—a wonderful creature, in a vast + red waistcoat and a short-tailed pepper-and-salt coat—who carried + more conviction to the minds of sceptics than the whole establishment + without him. No confidences existed between him and the Directorship; + nobody knew where he had served last; no character or explanation had been + given or required. No questions had been asked on either side. This + mysterious being, relying solely on his figure, had applied for the + situation, and had been instantly engaged on his own terms. They were + high; but he knew, doubtless, that no man could carry such an extent of + waistcoat as himself, and felt the full value of his capacity to such an + institution. When he sat upon a seat erected for him in a corner of the + office, with his glazed hat hanging on a peg over his head, it was + impossible to doubt the respectability of the concern. It went on doubling + itself with every square inch of his red waistcoat until, like the problem + of the nails in the horse’s shoes, the total became enormous. People had + been known to apply to effect an insurance on their lives for a thousand + pounds, and looking at him, to beg, before the form of proposal was filled + up, that it might be made two. And yet he was not a giant. His coat was + rather small than otherwise. The whole charm was in his waistcoat. + Respectability, competence, property in Bengal or anywhere else, + responsibility to any amount on the part of the company that employed him, + were all expressed in that one garment. + </p> + <p> + Rival offices had endeavoured to lure him away; Lombard Street itself had + beckoned to him; rich companies had whispered ‘Be a Beadle!’ but he still + continued faithful to the Anglo-Bengalee. Whether he was a deep rogue, or + a stately simpleton, it was impossible to make out, but he appeared to + believe in the Anglo-Bengalee. He was grave with imaginary cares of + office; and having nothing whatever to do, and something less to take care + of, would look as if the pressure of his numerous duties, and a sense of + the treasure in the company’s strong-room, made him a solemn and a + thoughtful man. + </p> + <p> + As the cabriolet drove up to the door, this officer appeared bare-headed + on the pavement, crying aloud ‘Room for the chairman, room for the + chairman, if you please!’ much to the admiration of the bystanders, who, + it is needless to say, had their attention directed to the Anglo-Bengalee + Company thenceforth, by that means. Mr Tigg leaped gracefully out, + followed by the Managing Director (who was by this time very distant and + respectful), and ascended the stairs, still preceded by the porter, who + cried as he went, ‘By your leave there! by your leave! The Chairman of the + Board, Gentle—<i>men</i>! In like manner, but in a still more stentorian + voice, he ushered the chairman through the public office, where some + humble clients were transacting business, into an awful chamber, labelled + Board-room; the door of which sanctuary immediately closed, and screened + the great capitalist from vulgar eyes. + </p> + <p> + The board-room had a Turkey carpet in it, a sideboard, a portrait of Tigg + Montague, Esquire, as chairman; a very imposing chair of office, garnished + with an ivory hammer and a little hand-bell; and a long table, set out at + intervals with sheets of blotting-paper, foolscap, clean pens, and + inkstands. The chairman having taken his seat with great solemnity, the + secretary supported him on his right hand, and the porter stood bolt + upright behind them, forming a warm background of waistcoat. This was the + board: everything else being a light-hearted little fiction. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bullamy!’ said Mr Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ replied the porter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let the Medical Officer know, with my compliments, that I wish to see + him.’ + </p> + <p> + Bullamy cleared his throat, and bustled out into the office, crying ‘The + Chairman of the Board wishes to see the Medical Officer. By your leave + there! By your leave!’ He soon returned with the gentleman in question; + and at both openings of the board-room door—at his coming in and at + his going out—simple clients were seen to stretch their necks and + stand upon their toes, thirsting to catch the slightest glimpse of that + mysterious chamber. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jobling, my dear friend!’ said Mr Tigg, ‘how are you? Bullamy, wait + outside. Crimple, don’t leave us. Jobling, my good fellow, I am glad to + see you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And how are you, Mr Montague, eh?’ said the Medical Officer, throwing + himself luxuriously into an easy-chair (they were all easy-chairs in the + board-room), and taking a handsome gold snuff-box from the pocket of his + black satin waistcoat. ‘How are you? A little worn with business, eh? If + so, rest. A little feverish from wine, humph? If so, water. Nothing at all + the matter, and quite comfortable? Then take some lunch. A very wholesome + thing at this time of day to strengthen the gastric juices with lunch, Mr + Montague.’ + </p> + <p> + The Medical Officer (he was the same medical officer who had followed poor + old Anthony Chuzzlewit to the grave, and who had attended Mrs Gamp’s + patient at the Bull) smiled in saying these words; and casually added, as + he brushed some grains of snuff from his shirt-frill, ‘I always take it + myself about this time of day, do you know!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bullamy!’ said the Chairman, ringing the little bell. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lunch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not on my account, I hope?’ said the doctor. ‘You are very good. Thank + you. I’m quite ashamed. Ha, ha! if I had been a sharp practitioner, Mr + Montague, I shouldn’t have mentioned it without a fee; for you may depend + upon it, my dear sir, that if you don’t make a point of taking lunch, + you’ll very soon come under my hands. Allow me to illustrate this. In Mr + Crimple’s leg—’ + </p> + <p> + The resident Director gave an involuntary start, for the doctor, in the + heat of his demonstration, caught it up and laid it across his own, as if + he were going to take it off, then and there. + </p> + <p> + ‘In Mr Crimple’s leg, you’ll observe,’ pursued the doctor, turning back + his cuffs and spanning the limb with both hands, ‘where Mr Crimple’s knee + fits into the socket, here, there is—that is to say, between the + bone and the socket—a certain quantity of animal oil.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20459m.jpg" alt="20459m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20459.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘What do you pick <i>my</i> leg out for?’ said Mr Crimple, looking with something + of an anxious expression at his limb. ‘It’s the same with other legs, + ain’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never you mind, my good sir,’ returned the doctor, shaking his head, + ‘whether it is the same with other legs, or not the same.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I do mind,’ said David. + </p> + <p> + ‘I take a particular case, Mr Montague,’ returned the doctor, ‘as + illustrating my remark, you observe. In this portion of Mr Crimple’s leg, + sir, there is a certain amount of animal oil. In every one of Mr Crimple’s + joints, sir, there is more or less of the same deposit. Very good. If Mr + Crimple neglects his meals, or fails to take his proper quantity of rest, + that oil wanes, and becomes exhausted. What is the consequence? Mr + Crimple’s bones sink down into their sockets, sir, and Mr Crimple becomes + a weazen, puny, stunted, miserable man!’ + </p> + <p> + The doctor let Mr Crimple’s leg fall suddenly, as if he were already in + that agreeable condition; turned down his wristbands again, and looked + triumphantly at the chairman. + </p> + <p> + ‘We know a few secrets of nature in our profession, sir,’ said the doctor. + ‘Of course we do. We study for that; we pass the Hall and the College for + that; and we take our station in society <i>by</i> that. It’s extraordinary how + little is known on these subjects generally. Where do you suppose, now’—the + doctor closed one eye, as he leaned back smilingly in his chair, and + formed a triangle with his hands, of which his two thumbs composed the + base—‘where do you suppose Mr Crimple’s stomach is?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Crimple, more agitated than before, clapped his hand immediately below + his waistcoat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all,’ cried the doctor; ‘not at all. Quite a popular mistake! My + good sir, you’re altogether deceived.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I feel it there, when it’s out of order; that’s all I know,’ said + Crimple. + </p> + <p> + ‘You think you do,’ replied the doctor; ‘but science knows better. There + was a patient of mine once,’ touching one of the many mourning rings upon + his fingers, and slightly bowing his head, ‘a gentleman who did me the + honour to make a very handsome mention of me in his will—“in + testimony,” as he was pleased to say, “of the unremitting zeal, talent, + and attention of my friend and medical attendant, John Jobling, Esquire, + M.R.C.S.,”—who was so overcome by the idea of having all his life + laboured under an erroneous view of the locality of this important organ, + that when I assured him on my professional reputation, he was mistaken, he + burst into tears, put out his hand, and said, “Jobling, God bless you!” + Immediately afterwards he became speechless, and was ultimately buried at + Brixton.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By your leave there!’ cried Bullamy, without. ‘By your leave! Refreshment + for the Board-room!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ said the doctor, jocularly, as he rubbed his hands, and drew his + chair nearer to the table. ‘The true Life Assurance, Mr Montague. The best + Policy in the world, my dear sir. We should be provident, and eat and + drink whenever we can. Eh, Mr Crimple?’ + </p> + <p> + The resident Director acquiesced rather sulkily, as if the gratification + of replenishing his stomach had been impaired by the unsettlement of his + preconceived opinions in reference to its situation. But the appearance of + the porter and under-porter with a tray covered with a snow-white cloth, + which, being thrown back, displayed a pair of cold roast fowls, flanked by + some potted meats and a cool salad, quickly restored his good humour. It + was enhanced still further by the arrival of a bottle of excellent + madeira, and another of champagne; and he soon attacked the repast with an + appetite scarcely inferior to that of the medical officer. + </p> + <p> + The lunch was handsomely served, with a profusion of rich glass plate, and + china; which seemed to denote that eating and drinking on a showy scale + formed no unimportant item in the business of the Anglo-Bengalee + Directorship. As it proceeded, the Medical Officer grew more and more + joyous and red-faced, insomuch that every mouthful he ate, and every drop + of wine he swallowed, seemed to impart new lustre to his eyes, and to + light up new sparks in his nose and forehead. + </p> + <p> + In certain quarters of the City and its neighbourhood, Mr Jobling was, as + we have already seen in some measure, a very popular character. He had a + portentously sagacious chin, and a pompous voice, with a rich huskiness in + some of its tones that went directly to the heart, like a ray of light + shining through the ruddy medium of choice old burgundy. His neckerchief + and shirt-frill were ever of the whitest, his clothes of the blackest and + sleekest, his gold watch-chain of the heaviest, and his seals of the + largest. His boots, which were always of the brightest, creaked as he + walked. Perhaps he could shake his head, rub his hands, or warm himself + before a fire, better than any man alive; and he had a peculiar way of + smacking his lips and saying, ‘Ah!’ at intervals while patients detailed + their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It seemed to express, ‘I + know what you’re going to say better than you do; but go on, go on.’ As he + talked on all occasions whether he had anything to say or not, it was + unanimously observed of him that he was ‘full of anecdote;’ and his + experience and profit from it were considered, for the same reason, to be + something much too extensive for description. His female patients could + never praise him too highly; and the coldest of his male admirers would + always say this for him to their friends, ‘that whatever Jobling’s + professional skill might be (and it could not be denied that he had a very + high reputation), he was one of the most comfortable fellows you ever saw + in your life!’ + </p> + <p> + Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his + connection lay principally among tradesmen and their families, exactly the + sort of person whom the Anglo-Bengalee Company wanted for a medical + officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect himself with the + company in any closer ties than as a paid (and well paid) functionary, or + to allow his connection to be misunderstood abroad, if he could help it. + Hence he always stated the case to an inquiring patient, after this + manner: + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, my dear sir, with regard to the Anglo-Bengalee, my information, you + see, is limited; very limited. I am the medical officer, in consideration + of a certain monthly payment. The labourer is worthy of his hire; <i>bis dat + qui cito dat</i>’—(‘classical scholar, Jobling!’ thinks the patient, + ‘well-read man!’)—‘and I receive it regularly. Therefore I am bound, + so far as my own knowledge goes, to speak well of the establishment.’ + (‘Nothing can be fairer than Jobling’s conduct,’ thinks the patient, who + has just paid Jobling’s bill himself.) ‘If you put any question to me, my + dear friend,’ says the doctor, ‘touching the responsibility or capital of + the company, there I am at fault; for I have no head for figures, and not + being a shareholder, am delicate of showing any curiosity whatever on the + subject. Delicacy—your amiable lady will agree with me I am sure—should + be one of the first characteristics of a medical man.’ (‘Nothing can be + finer or more gentlemanly than Jobling’s feeling,’ thinks the patient.) + ‘Very good, my dear sir, so the matter stands. You don’t know Mr Montague? + I’m sorry for it. A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in + every respect. Property, I am told, in India. House and everything + belonging to him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant and + lavish scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, + are perfection. In case you should ever think of doing anything with the + company, I’ll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can conscientiously + report you a healthy subject. If I understand any man’s constitution, it + is yours; and this little indisposition has done him more good, ma’am,’ + says the doctor, turning to the patient’s wife, ‘than if he had swallowed + the contents of half the nonsensical bottles in my surgery. For they <i>are</i> + nonsense—to tell the honest truth, one half of them are nonsense—compared + with such a constitution as his!’ (‘Jobling is the most friendly creature + I ever met with in my life,’ thinks the patient; ‘and upon my word and + honour, I’ll consider of it!’) + </p> + <p> + ‘Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this morning, + eh?’ said Crimple, looking, when they had finished lunch, over some papers + brought in by the porter. ‘Well done!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jobling, my dear friend,’ said Tigg, ‘long life to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I’ve no right to draw the commission,’ + said the doctor, ‘I haven’t really. It’s picking your pocket. I don’t + recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. My patients ask me what I + know, and I tell ‘em what I know. Nothing else. Caution is my weak side, + that’s the truth; and always was from a boy. That is,’ said the doctor, + filling his glass, ‘caution in behalf of other people. Whether I would + repose confidence in this company myself, if I had not been paying money + elsewhere for many years—that’s quite another question.’ + </p> + <p> + He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling that he + did it but indifferently, changed the theme and praised the wine. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talking of wine,’ said the doctor, ‘reminds me of one of the finest + glasses of light old port I ever drank in my life; and that was at a + funeral. You have not seen anything of—of <i>that </i>party, Mr Montague, + have you?’ handing him a card. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is not buried, I hope?’ said Tigg, as he took it. ‘The honour of his + company is not requested if he is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha!’ laughed the doctor. ‘No; not quite. He was honourably connected + with that very occasion though.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon the + name. ‘I recollect. No. He has not been here.’ + </p> + <p> + The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a card to + the Medical Officer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talk of the what’s his name—’ observed the doctor rising. + </p> + <p> + ‘And he’s sure to appear, eh?’ said Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, no, Mr Montague, no,’ returned the doctor. ‘We will not say that in + the present case, for this gentleman is very far from it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So much the better,’ retorted Tigg. ‘So much the more adaptable to the + Anglo-Bengalee. Bullamy, clear the table and take the things out by the + other door. Mr Crimple, business.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I introduce him?’ asked Jobling. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall be eternally delighted,’ answered Tigg, kissing his hand and + smiling sweetly. + </p> + <p> + The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately returned + with Jonas Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Montague,’ said Jobling. ‘Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. My dear + friend—our chairman. Now do you know,’ he added checking himself + with infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; ‘that’s a very + singular instance of the force of example. It really is a very remarkable + instance of the force of example. I say <i>our </i>chairman. Why do I say our + chairman? Because he is not <i>my</i> chairman, you know. I have no connection + with the company, farther than giving them, for a certain fee and reward, + my poor opinion as a medical man, precisely as I may give it any day to + Jack Noakes or Tom Styles. Then why do I say our chairman? Simply because + I hear the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the involuntary + operation of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man. Mr Crimple, I + believe you never take snuff? Injudicious. You should.’ + </p> + <p> + Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened and + sonorous pinch with which he followed them up, Jonas took a seat at the + board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the reader’s + knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is especially in the + nature of a mean mind, to be overawed by fine clothes and fine furniture. + They had a very decided influence on Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,’ said the doctor, + ‘and your time is precious. So is mine; for several lives are waiting for + me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to make after—after + I have taken ‘em. Having had the happiness to introduce you to each other, + I may go about my business. Good-bye. But allow me, Mr Montague, before I + go, to say this of my friend who sits beside you: That gentleman has done + more, sir,’ rapping his snuff-box solemnly, ‘to reconcile me to human + nature, than any man alive or dead. Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and proceeded in + his own official department, to impress the lives in waiting with a sense + of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge of his duty, and the great + difficulty of getting into the Anglo-Bengalee; by feeling their pulses, + looking at their tongues, listening at their ribs, poking them in the + chest, and so forth; though, if he didn’t well know beforehand that + whatever kind of lives they were, the Anglo-Bengalee would accept them + readily, he was far from being the Jobling that his friend considered him; + and was not the original Jobling, but a spurious imitation. + </p> + <p> + Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas + Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone. + </p> + <p> + ‘I learn from our friend,’ said Tigg, drawing his chair towards Jonas with + a winning ease of manner, ‘that you have been thinking—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! Ecod then he’d no right to say so,’ cried Jonas, interrupting. ‘I + didn’t tell <i>him </i>my thoughts. If he took it into his head that I was coming + here for such or such a purpose, why, that’s his lookout. I don’t stand + committed by that.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual + distrust of his character, it was in his nature to seek to revenge himself + on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact proportion as he had + been unable to withstand their influence. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two to + consider of, I don’t bind myself to anything. Let’s understand that, you + know,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear fellow!’ cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, ‘I applaud + your frankness. If men like you and I speak openly at first, all possible + misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I disguise what you know so well, + but what the crowd never dream of? We companies are all birds of prey; + mere birds of prey. The only question is, whether in serving our own turn, + we can serve yours too; whether in double-lining our own nest, we can put + a single living into yours. Oh, you’re in our secret. You’re behind the + scenes. We’ll make a merit of dealing plainly with you, when we know we + can’t help it.’ + </p> + <p> + It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these pages, + that there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of + innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith in knavery, he was + the most credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had preferred any claim to high and + honourable dealing, Jonas would have suspected him though he had been a + very model of probity; but when he gave utterance to Jonas’s own thoughts + of everything and everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a pleasant + fellow, and one to be talked to freely. + </p> + <p> + He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but for a + more boastful attitude; and smiling in his miserable conceit rejoined: + </p> + <p> + ‘You an’t a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to set about + it, I <i>will </i>say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut,’ said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white + teeth; ‘we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit; we are grown men, I hope.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out his + legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to show how perfectly at home he was, + </p> + <p> + ‘The truth is—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t say, the truth,’ interposed Tigg, with another grin. ‘It’s so like + humbug.’ + </p> + <p> + Greatly charmed by this, Jonas began again. + </p> + <p> + ‘The long and the short of it is—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Better,’ muttered Tigg. ‘Much better!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘—That I didn’t consider myself very well used by one or two of the + old companies in some negotiations I have had with ‘em—once had, I + mean. They started objections they had no right to start, and put + questions they had no right to put, and carried things much too high for + my taste.’ + </p> + <p> + As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked curiously + at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked curiously at him. + </p> + <p> + He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in his + pleasantest manner: + </p> + <p> + ‘Take a glass of wine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; ‘none of that, + thankee. No wine over business. All very well for you, but it wouldn’t do + for me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ said Tigg, leaning back in his + chair, and leering at him through his half-shut eyes. + </p> + <p> + Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, ‘You’re right there;’ And + then resumed, jocosely: + </p> + <p> + ‘Not such an old hand, either, but that I’ve been and got married. That’s + rather green, you’ll say. Perhaps it is, especially as she’s young. But + one never knows what may happen to these women, so I’m thinking of + insuring her life. It is but fair, you know, that a man should secure some + consolation in case of meeting with such a loss.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If anything can console him under such heart-breaking circumstances,’ + murmured Tigg, with his eyes shut up as before. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly,’ returned Jonas; ‘if anything can. Now, supposing I did it here, + I should do it cheap, I know, and easy, without bothering her about it; + which I’d much rather not do, for it’s just in a woman’s way to take it + into her head, if you talk to her about such things, that she’s going to + die directly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So it is,’ cried Tigg, kissing his hand in honour of the sex. ‘You’re + quite right. Sweet, silly, fluttering little simpletons!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ said Jonas, ‘on that account, you know, and because offence has + been given me in other quarters, I wouldn’t mind patronizing this Company. + But I want to know what sort of security there is for the Company’s going + on. That’s the—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not the truth?’ cried Tigg, holding up his jewelled hand. ‘Don’t use that + Sunday School expression, please!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The long and the short of it,’ said Jonas. ‘The long and the short of it + is, what’s the security?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The paid-up capital, my dear sir,’ said Tigg, referring to some papers on + the table, ‘is, at this present moment—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I understand all about paid-up capitals, you know,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘You do?’ cried Tigg, stopping short. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should hope so.’ + </p> + <p> + He turned the papers down again, and moving nearer to him, said in his + ear: + </p> + <p> + ‘I know you do. I know you do. Look at me!’ + </p> + <p> + It was not much in Jonas’s way to look straight at anybody; but thus + requested, he made shift to take a tolerable survey of the chairman’s + features. The chairman fell back a little, to give him the better + opportunity. + </p> + <p> + ‘You know me?’ he inquired, elevating his eyebrows. ‘You recollect? You’ve + seen me before?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I thought I remembered your face when I first came in,’ said Jonas, + gazing at it; ‘but I couldn’t call to mind where I had seen it. No. I + don’t remember, even now. Was it in the street?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was it in Pecksniff’s parlour?’ said Tigg + </p> + <p> + ‘In Pecksniff’s parlour!’ echoed Jonas, fetching a long breath. ‘You don’t + mean when—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ cried Tigg, ‘when there was a very charming and delightful little + family party, at which yourself and your respected father assisted.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, never mind <i>him</i>,’ said Jonas. ‘He’s dead, and there’s no help for + it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dead, is he!’ cried Tigg, ‘Venerable old gentleman, is he dead! You’re + very like him.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas received this compliment with anything but a good grace, perhaps + because of his own private sentiments in reference to the personal + appearance of his deceased parent; perhaps because he was not best pleased + to find that Montague and Tigg were one. That gentleman perceived it, and + tapping him familiarly on the sleeve, beckoned him to the window. From + this moment, Mr Montague’s jocularity and flow of spirits were remarkable. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you find me at all changed since that time?’ he asked. ‘Speak + plainly.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas looked hard at his waistcoat and jewels; and said ‘Rather, ecod!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was I at all seedy in those days?’ asked Montague. + </p> + <p> + ‘Precious seedy,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + Mr Montague pointed down into the street, where Bailey and the cab were in + attendance. + </p> + <p> + ‘Neat; perhaps dashing. Do you know whose it is?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mine. Do you like this room?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It must have cost a lot of money,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re right. Mine too. Why don’t you’—he whispered this, and + nudged him in the side with his elbow—‘why don’t you take premiums, + instead of paying ‘em? That’s what a man like you should do. Join us!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas stared at him in amazement. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is that a crowded street?’ asked Montague, calling his attention to the + multitude without. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very,’ said Jonas, only glancing at it, and immediately afterwards + looking at him again. + </p> + <p> + ‘There are printed calculations,’ said his companion, ‘which will tell you + pretty nearly how many people will pass up and down that thoroughfare in + the course of a day. I can tell you how many of ‘em will come in here, + merely because they find this office here; knowing no more about it than + they do of the Pyramids. Ha, ha! Join us. You shall come in cheap.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas looked at him harder and harder. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can tell you,’ said Tigg in his ear, ‘how many of ‘em will buy + annuities, effect insurances, bring us their money in a hundred shapes and + ways, force it upon us, trust us as if we were the Mint; yet know no more + about us than you do of that crossing-sweeper at the corner. Not so much. + Ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas gradually broke into a smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yah!’ said Montague, giving him a pleasant thrust in the breast; ‘you’re + too deep for us, you dog, or I wouldn’t have told you. Dine with me + to-morrow, in Pall Mall!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Done!’ cried Montague. ‘Wait a bit. Take these papers with you and look + ‘em over. See,’ he said, snatching some printed forms from the table. ‘B + is a little tradesman, clerk, parson, artist, author, any common thing you + like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Jonas, looking greedily over his shoulder. ‘Well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘B wants a loan. Say fifty or a hundred pound; perhaps more; no matter. B + proposes self and two securities. B is accepted. Two securities give a + bond. B assures his own life for double the amount, and brings two + friends’ lives also—just to patronize the office. Ha ha, ha! Is that + a good notion?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod, that’s a capital notion!’ cried Jonas. ‘But does he really do it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do it!’ repeated the chairman. ‘B’s hard up, my good fellow, and will do + anything. Don’t you see? It’s my idea.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It does you honour. I’m blest if it don’t,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think it does,’ replied the chairman, ‘and I’m proud to hear you say + so. B pays the highest lawful interest—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That an’t much,’ interrupted Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Right! quite right!’ retorted Tigg. ‘And hard it is upon the part of the + law that it should be so confoundedly down upon us unfortunate victims; + when it takes such amazing good interest for itself from all its clients. + But charity begins at home, and justice begins next door. Well! The law + being hard upon us, we’re not exactly soft upon B; for besides charging B + the regular interest, we get B’s premium, and B’s friends’ premiums, and + we charge B for the bond, and, whether we accept him or not, we charge B + for “inquiries” (we keep a man, at a pound a week, to make ‘em), and we + charge B a trifle for the secretary; and in short, my good fellow, we + stick it into B, up hill and down dale, and make a devilish comfortable + little property out of him. Ha, ha, ha! I drive B, in point of fact,’ said + Tigg, pointing to the cabriolet, ‘and a thoroughbred horse he is. Ha, ha, + ha!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas enjoyed this joke very much indeed. It was quite in his peculiar + vein of humour. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then,’ said Tigg Montague, ‘we grant annuities on the very lowest and + most advantageous terms known in the money market; and the old ladies and + gentlemen down in the country buy ‘em. Ha, ha, ha! And we pay ‘em too—perhaps. + Ha, ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But there’s responsibility in that,’ said Jonas, looking doubtful. + </p> + <p> + ‘I take it all myself,’ said Tigg Montague. ‘Here I am responsible for + everything. The only responsible person in the establishment! Ha, ha, ha! + Then there are the Life Assurances without loans; the common policies. + Very profitable, very comfortable. Money down, you know; repeated every + year; capital fun!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But when they begin to fall in,’ observed Jonas. ‘It’s all very well, + while the office is young, but when the policies begin to die—that’s + what I am thinking of.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At the first start, my dear fellow,’ said Montague, ‘to show you how + correct your judgment is, we had a couple of unlucky deaths that brought + us down to a grand piano.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Brought you down where?’ cried Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I give you my sacred word of honour,’ said Tigg Montague, ‘that I raised + money on every other individual piece of property, and was left alone in + the world with a grand piano. And it was an upright-grand too, so that I + couldn’t even sit upon it. But, my dear fellow, we got over it. We granted + a great many new policies that week (liberal allowance to solicitors, by + the bye), and got over it in no time. Whenever they should chance to fall + in heavily, as you very justly observe they may, one of these days; then—’ + he finished the sentence in so low a whisper, that only one disconnected + word was audible, and that imperfectly. But it sounded like ‘Bolt.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you’re as bold as brass!’ said Jonas, in the utmost admiration. + </p> + <p> + ‘A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he + gets gold in exchange!’ cried the chairman, with a laugh that shook him + from head to foot. ‘You’ll dine with me to-morrow?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At what time?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Seven. Here’s my card. Take the documents. I see you’ll join us!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know about that,’ said Jonas. ‘There’s a good deal to be looked + into first.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall look,’ said Montague, slapping him on the back, ‘into anything + and everything you please. But you’ll join us, I am convinced. You were + made for it. Bullamy!’ + </p> + <p> + Obedient to the summons and the little bell, the waistcoat appeared. Being + charged to show Jonas out, it went before; and the voice within it cried, + as usual, ‘By your leave there, by your leave! Gentleman from the + board-room, by your leave!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Montague being left alone, pondered for some moments, and then said, + raising his voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘Is Nadgett in the office there?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here he is, sir.’ And he promptly entered; shutting the board-room door + after him, as carefully as if he were about to plot a murder. + </p> + <p> + He was the man at a pound a week who made the inquiries. It was no virtue + or merit in Nadgett that he transacted all his Anglo-Bengalee business + secretly and in the closest confidence; for he was born to be a secret. He + was a short, dried-up, withered old man, who seemed to have secreted his + very blood; for nobody would have given him credit for the possession of + six ounces of it in his whole body. How he lived was a secret; where he + lived was a secret; and even what he was, was a secret. In his musty old + pocket-book he carried contradictory cards, in some of which he called + himself a coal-merchant, in others a wine-merchant, in others a + commission-agent, in others a collector, in others an accountant; as if he + really didn’t know the secret himself. He was always keeping appointments + in the City, and the other man never seemed to come. He would sit on + ‘Change for hours, looking at everybody who walked in and out, and would + do the like at Garraway’s, and in other business coffee-rooms, in some of + which he would be occasionally seen drying a very damp pocket-handkerchief + before the fire, and still looking over his shoulder for the man who never + appeared. He was mildewed, threadbare, shabby; always had flue upon his + legs and back; and kept his linen so secretly buttoning up and wrapping + over, that he might have had none—perhaps he hadn’t. He carried one + stained beaver glove, which he dangled before him by the forefinger as he + walked or sat; but even its fellow was a secret. Some people said he had + been a bankrupt, others that he had gone an infant into an ancient + Chancery suit which was still depending, but it was all a secret. He + carried bits of sealing-wax and a hieroglyphical old copper seal in his + pocket, and often secretly indited letters in corner boxes of the + trysting-places before mentioned; but they never appeared to go to + anybody, for he would put them into a secret place in his coat, and + deliver them to himself weeks afterwards, very much to his own surprise, + quite yellow. He was that sort of man that if he had died worth a million + of money, or had died worth twopence halfpenny, everybody would have been + perfectly satisfied, and would have said it was just as they expected. And + yet he belonged to a class; a race peculiar to the City; who are secrets + as profound to one another, as they are to the rest of mankind. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Nadgett,’ said Montague, copying Jonas Chuzzlewit’s address upon a + piece of paper, from the card which was still lying on the table, ‘any + information about this name, I shall be glad to have myself. Don’t you + mind what it is. Any you can scrape together, bring me. Bring it to me, Mr + Nadgett.’ + </p> + <p> + Nadgett put on his spectacles, and read the name attentively; then looked + at the chairman over his glasses, and bowed; then took them off, and put + them in their case; and then put the case in his pocket. When he had done + so, he looked, without his spectacles, at the paper as it lay before him, + and at the same time produced his pocket-book from somewhere about the + middle of his spine. Large as it was, it was very full of documents, but + he found a place for this one; and having clasped it carefully, passed it + by a kind of solemn legerdemain into the same region as before. + </p> + <p> + He withdrew with another bow and without a word; opening the door no wider + than was sufficient for his passage out; and shutting it as carefully as + before. The chairman of the board employed the rest of the morning in + affixing his sign-manual of gracious acceptance to various new proposals + of annuity-purchase and assurance. The Company was looking up, for they + flowed in gayly. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0028" id="link2HCH0028"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT + </h2> + <h3> + MR. MONTAGUE AT HOME. AND MR. JONAS CHUZZLEWIT AT HOME + </h3> + <p> + There were many powerful reasons for Jonas Chuzzlewit being strongly + prepossessed in favour of the scheme which its great originator had so + boldly laid open to him; but three among them stood prominently forward. + Firstly, there was money to be made by it. Secondly, the money had the + peculiar charm of being sagaciously obtained at other people’s cost. + Thirdly, it involved much outward show of homage and distinction: a board + being an awful institution in its own sphere, and a director a mighty man. + ‘To make a swingeing profit, have a lot of chaps to order about, and get + into regular good society by one and the same means, and them so easy to + one’s hand, ain’t such a bad look-out,’ thought Jonas. The latter + considerations were only second to his avarice; for, conscious that there + was nothing in his person, conduct, character, or accomplishments, to + command respect, he was greedy of power, and was, in his heart, as much a + tyrant as any laureled conqueror on record. + </p> + <p> + But he determined to proceed with cunning and caution, and to be very keen + on his observation of the gentility of Mr Montague’s private + establishment. For it no more occurred to this shallow knave that Montague + wanted him to be so, or he wouldn’t have invited him while his decision + was yet in abeyance, than the possibility of that genius being able to + overreach him in any way, pierced through his self-deceit by the inlet of + a needle’s point. He had said, in the outset, that Jonas was too sharp for + him; and Jonas, who would have been sharp enough to believe him in nothing + else, though he had solemnly sworn it, believed him in that, instantly. + </p> + <p> + It was with a faltering hand, and yet with an imbecile attempt at a + swagger, that he knocked at his new friend’s door in Pall Mall when the + appointed hour arrived. Mr Bailey quickly answered to the summons. He was + not proud and was kindly disposed to take notice of Jonas; but Jonas had + forgotten him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Montague at home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should hope he wos at home, and waiting dinner, too,’ said Bailey, with + the ease of an old acquaintance. ‘Will you take your hat up along with + you, or leave it here?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas preferred leaving it there. + </p> + <p> + ‘The hold name, I suppose?’ said Bailey, with a grin. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas stared at him in mute indignation. + </p> + <p> + ‘What, don’t you remember hold mother Todgers’s?’ said Mr Bailey, with his + favourite action of the knees and boots. ‘Don’t you remember my taking + your name up to the young ladies, when you came a-courting there? A + reg’lar scaly old shop, warn’t it? Times is changed ain’t they. I say how + you’ve growed!’ + </p> + <p> + Without pausing for any acknowledgement of this compliment, he ushered the + visitor upstairs, and having announced him, retired with a private wink. + </p> + <p> + The lower story of the house was occupied by a wealthy tradesman, but Mr + Montague had all the upper portion, and splendid lodging it was. The room + in which he received Jonas was a spacious and elegant apartment, furnished + with extreme magnificence; decorated with pictures, copies from the + antique in alabaster and marble, china vases, lofty mirrors, crimson + hangings of the richest silk, gilded carvings, luxurious couches, + glistening cabinets inlaid with precious woods; costly toys of every sort + in negligent abundance. The only guests besides Jonas were the doctor, the + resident Director, and two other gentlemen, whom Montague presented in due + form. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear friend, I am delighted to see you. Jobling you know, I believe?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think so,’ said the doctor pleasantly, as he stepped out of the circle + to shake hands. ‘I trust I have the honour. I hope so. My dear sir, I see + you well. Quite well? <i>That’s</i> well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Wolf,’ said Montague, as soon as the doctor would allow him to + introduce the two others, ‘Mr Chuzzlewit. Mr Pip, Mr Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + Both gentlemen were exceedingly happy to have the honour of making Mr + Chuzzlewit’s acquaintance. The doctor drew Jonas a little apart, and + whispered behind his hand: + </p> + <p> + ‘Men of the world, my dear sir—men of the world. Hem! Mr Wolf—literary + character—you needn’t mention it—remarkably clever weekly + paper—oh, remarkably clever! Mr Pip—theatrical man—capital + man to know—oh, capital man!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Wolf, folding his arms and resuming a conversation which the + arrival of Jonas had interrupted. ‘And what did Lord Nobley say to that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ returned Pip, with an oath. ‘He didn’t know what to say. Same, sir, + if he wasn’t as mute as a poker. But you know what a good fellow Nobley + is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The best fellow in the world!’ cried Wolf. ‘It as only last week that + Nobley said to me, “By Gad, Wolf, I’ve got a living to bestow, and if you + had but been brought up at the University, strike me blind if I wouldn’t + have made a parson of you!”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just like him,’ said Pip with another oath. ‘And he’d have done it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a doubt of it,’ said Wolf. ‘But you were going to tell us—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes!’ cried Pip. ‘To be sure. So I was. At first he was dumb—sewn + up, dead, sir—but after a minute he said to the Duke, “Here’s Pip. + Ask Pip. Pip’s our mutual friend. Ask Pip. He knows.” “Damme!” said the + Duke, “I appeal to Pip then. Come, Pip. Bandy or not bandy? Speak out!” + “Bandy, your Grace, by the Lord Harry!” said I. “Ha, ha!” laughed the + Duke. “To be sure she is. Bravo, Pip. Well said Pip. I wish I may die if + you’re not a trump, Pip. Pop me down among your fashionable visitors + whenever I’m in town, Pip.” And so I do, to this day.’ + </p> + <p> + The conclusion of this story gave immense satisfaction, which was in no + degree lessened by the announcement of dinner. Jonas repaired to the + dining room, along with his distinguished host, and took his seat at the + board between that individual and his friend the doctor. The rest fell + into their places like men who were well accustomed to the house; and + dinner was done full justice to, by all parties. + </p> + <p> + It was a good a one as money (or credit, no matter which) could produce. + The dishes, wines, and fruits were of the choicest kind. Everything was + elegantly served. The plate was gorgeous. Mr Jonas was in the midst of a + calculation of the value of this item alone, when his host disturbed him. + </p> + <p> + ‘A glass of wine?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Jonas, who had had several glasses already. ‘As much of that as + you like! It’s too good to refuse.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well said, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ cried Wolf. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom Gag, upon my soul!’ said Pip. + </p> + <p> + ‘Positively, you know, that’s—ha, ha, ha!’ observed the doctor, + laying down his knife and fork for one instant, and then going to work + again, pell-mell—‘that’s epigrammatic; quite!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re tolerably comfortable, I hope?’ said Tigg, apart to Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! You needn’t trouble your head about <i>me</i>,’ he replied, ‘Famous!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought it best not to have a party,’ said Tigg. ‘You feel that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what do you call this?’ retorted Jonas. ‘You don’t mean to say you + do this every day, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear fellow,’ said Montague, shrugging his shoulders, ‘every day of my + life, when I dine at home. This is my common style. It was of no use + having anything uncommon for you. You’d have seen through it. “You’ll have + a party?” said Crimple. “No, I won’t,” I said, “he shall take us in the + rough!” + </p> + <p> + ‘And pretty smooth, too, ecod!’ said Jonas, glancing round the table. + ‘This don’t cost a trifle.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, to be candid with you, it does not,’ returned the other. ‘But I like + this sort of thing. It’s the way I spend my money.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas thrust his tongue into his cheek, and said, ‘Was it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When you join us, you won’t get rid of your share of the profits in the + same way?’ said Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite different,’ retorted Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, and you’re right,’ said Tigg, with friendly candour. ‘You needn’t. + It’s not necessary. One of a Company must do it to hold the connection + together; but, as I take a pleasure in it, that’s my department. You don’t + mind dining expensively at another man’s expense, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a bit,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I hope you’ll often dine with me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Jonas, ‘I don’t mind. On the contrary.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And I’ll never attempt to talk business to you over wine, I take my + oath,’ said Tigg. ‘Oh deep, deep, deep of you this morning! I must tell + ‘em that. They’re the very men to enjoy it. Pip, my good fellow, I’ve a + splendid little trait to tell you of my friend Chuzzlewit who is the + deepest dog I know; I give you my sacred word of honour he is the deepest + dog I know, Pip!’ + </p> + <p> + Pip swore a frightful oath that he was sure of it already; and the + anecdote, being told, was received with loud applause, as an incontestable + proof of Mr Jonas’s greatness. Pip, in a natural spirit of emulation, then + related some instances of his own depth; and Wolf not to be left + behind-hand, recited the leading points of one or two vastly humorous + articles he was then preparing. These lucubrations being of what he called + ‘a warm complexion,’ were highly approved; and all the company agreed that + they were full of point. + </p> + <p> + ‘Men of the world, my dear sir,’ Jobling whispered to Jonas; ‘thorough men + of the world! To a professional person like myself it’s quite refreshing + to come into this kind of society. It’s not only agreeable—and + nothing <i>can </i>be more agreeable—but it’s philosophically improving. + It’s character, my dear sir; character!’ + </p> + <p> + It is so pleasant to find real merit appreciated, whatever its particular + walk in life may be, that the general harmony of the company was doubtless + much promoted by their knowing that the two men of the world were held in + great esteem by the upper classes of society, and by the gallant defenders + of their country in the army and navy, but particularly the former. The + least of their stories had a colonel in it; lords were as plentiful as + oaths; and even the Blood Royal ran in the muddy channel of their personal + recollections. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit didn’t know him, I’m afraid,’ said Wolf, in reference to a + certain personage of illustrious descent, who had previously figured in a + reminiscence. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tigg. ‘But we must bring him into contact with this sort of + fellows.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He was very fond of literature,’ observed Wolf. + </p> + <p> + ‘Was he?’ said Tigg. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes; he took my paper regularly for many years. Do you know he said + some good things now and then? He asked a certain Viscount, who’s a friend + of mine—Pip knows him—“What’s the editor’s name, what’s the + editor’s name?” “Wolf.” “Wolf, eh? Sharp biter, Wolf. We must keep the + Wolf from the door, as the proverb says.” It was very well. And being + complimentary, I printed it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But the Viscount’s the boy!’ cried Pip, who invented a new oath for the + introduction of everything he said. ‘The Viscount’s the boy! He came into + our place one night to take Her home; rather slued, but not much; and + said, “Where’s Pip? I want to see Pip. Produce Pip!”—“What’s the + row, my lord?”—“Shakspeare’s an infernal humbug, Pip! What’s the + good of Shakspeare, Pip? I never read him. What the devil is it all about, + Pip? There’s a lot of feet in Shakspeare’s verse, but there an’t any legs + worth mentioning in Shakspeare’s plays, are there, Pip? Juliet, Desdemona, + Lady Macbeth, and all the rest of ‘em, whatever their names are, might as + well have no legs at all, for anything the audience know about it, Pip. + Why, in that respect they’re all Miss Biffins to the audience, Pip. I’ll + tell you what it is. What the people call dramatic poetry is a collection + of sermons. Do I go to the theatre to be lectured? No, Pip. If I wanted + that, I’d go to church. What’s the legitimate object of the drama, Pip? + Human nature. What are legs? Human nature. Then let us have plenty of leg + pieces, Pip, and I’ll stand by you, my buck!” and I am proud to say,’ + added Pip, ‘that he <i>did </i>stand by me, handsomely.’ + </p> + <p> + The conversation now becoming general, Mr Jonas’s opinion was requested on + this subject; and as it was in full accordance with the sentiments of Mr + Pip, that gentleman was extremely gratified. Indeed, both himself and Wolf + had so much in common with Jonas, that they became very amicable; and + between their increasing friendship and the fumes of wine, Jonas grew + talkative. + </p> + <p> + It does not follow in the case of such a person that the more talkative he + becomes, the more agreeable he is; on the contrary, his merits show to + most advantage, perhaps, in silence. Having no means, as he thought, of + putting himself on an equality with the rest, but by the assertion of that + depth and sharpness on which he had been complimented, Jonas exhibited + that faculty to the utmost; and was so deep and sharp that he lost himself + in his own profundity, and cut his fingers with his own edge-tools. + </p> + <p> + It was especially in his way and character to exhibit his quality at his + entertainer’s expense; and while he drank of his sparkling wines, and + partook of his monstrous profusion, to ridicule the extravagance which had + set such costly fare before him. Even at such a wanton board, and in such + more than doubtful company, this might have proved a disagreeable + experiment, but that Tigg and Crimple, studying to understand their man + thoroughly, gave him what license he chose: knowing that the more he took, + the better for their purpose. And thus while the blundering cheat—gull + that he was, for all his cunning—thought himself rolled up hedgehog + fashion, with his sharpest points towards them, he was, in fact, betraying + all his vulnerable parts to their unwinking watchfulness. + </p> + <p> + Whether the two gentlemen who contributed so much to the doctor’s + philosophical knowledge (by the way, the doctor slipped off quietly, after + swallowing his usual amount of wine) had had their cue distinctly from the + host, or took it from what they saw and heard, they acted their parts very + well. They solicited the honour of Jonas’s better acquaintance; trusted + that they would have the pleasure of introducing him into that elevated + society in which he was so well qualified to shine; and informed him, in + the most friendly manner that the advantages of their respective + establishments were entirely at his control. In a word, they said ‘Be one + of us!’ And Jonas said he was infinitely obliged to them, and he would be; + adding within himself, that so long as they ‘stood treat,’ there was + nothing he would like better. + </p> + <p> + After coffee, which was served in the drawing-room, there was a short + interval (mainly sustained by Pip and Wolf) of conversation; rather highly + spiced and strongly seasoned. When it flagged, Jonas took it up and showed + considerable humour in appraising the furniture; inquiring whether such an + article was paid for; what it had originally cost, and the like. In all of + this, he was, as he considered, desperately hard on Montague, and very + demonstrative of his own brilliant parts. + </p> + <p> + Some Champagne Punch gave a new though temporary fillip to the + entertainments of the evening. For after leading to some noisy + proceedings, which were not intelligible, it ended in the unsteady + departure of the two gentlemen of the world, and the slumber of Mr Jonas + upon one of the sofas. + </p> + <p> + As he could not be made to understand where he was, Mr Bailey received + orders to call a hackney-coach, and take him home; which that young + gentleman roused himself from an uneasy sleep in the hall to do. It being + now almost three o’clock in the morning. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he hooked, do you think?’ whispered Crimple, as himself and partner + stood in a distant part of the room observing him as he lay. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ said Tigg, in the same tone. ‘With a strong iron, perhaps. Has + Nadgett been here to-night?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. I went out to him. Hearing you had company, he went away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why did he do that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He said he would come back early in the morning, before you were out of + bed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell them to be sure and send him up to my bedside. Hush! Here’s the boy! + Now Mr Bailey, take this gentleman home, and see him safely in. Hallo, + here! Why Chuzzlewit, halloa!’ + </p> + <p> + They got him upright with some difficulty, and assisted him downstairs, + where they put his hat upon his head, and tumbled him into the coach. Mr + Bailey, having shut him in, mounted the box beside the coachman, and + smoked his cigar with an air of particular satisfaction; the undertaking + in which he was engaged having a free and sporting character about it, + which was quite congenial to his taste. + </p> + <p> + Arriving in due time at the house in the City, Mr Bailey jumped down, and + expressed the lively nature of his feelings in a knock the like of which + had probably not been heard in that quarter since the great fire of + London. Going out into the road to observe the effect of this feat, he saw + that a dim light, previously visible at an upper window, had been already + removed and was travelling downstairs. To obtain a foreknowledge of the + bearer of this taper, Mr Bailey skipped back to the door again, and put + his eye to the keyhole. + </p> + <p> + It was the merry one herself. But sadly, strangely altered! So careworn + and dejected, so faltering and full of fear; so fallen, humbled, broken; + that to have seen her quiet in her coffin would have been a less surprise. + </p> + <p> + She set the light upon a bracket in the hall, and laid her hand upon her + heart; upon her eyes; upon her burning head. Then she came on towards the + door with such a wild and hurried step that Mr Bailey lost his + self-possession, and still had his eye where the keyhole had been, when + she opened it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aha!’ said Mr Bailey, with an effort. ‘There you are, are you? What’s the + matter? Ain’t you well, though?’ + </p> + <p> + In the midst of her astonishment as she recognized him in his altered + dress, so much of her old smile came back to her face that Bailey was + glad. But next moment he was sorry again, for he saw tears standing in her + poor dim eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t be frightened,’ said Bailey. ‘There ain’t nothing the matter. I’ve + brought home Mr Chuzzlewit. He ain’t ill. He’s only a little swipey, you + know.’ Mr Bailey reeled in his boots, to express intoxication. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you come from Mrs Todgers’s?’ asked Merry, trembling. + </p> + <p> + ‘Todgers’s, bless you! No!’ cried Mr Bailey. ‘I haven’t got nothin, to do + with Todgers’s. I cut that connection long ago. He’s been a-dining with my + governor at the west-end. Didn’t you know he was a-coming to see us?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ she said, faintly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes! We’re heavy swells too, and so I tell you. Don’t you come out, + a-catching cold in your head. I’ll wake him!’ Mr Bailey expressing in his + demeanour a perfect confidence that he could carry him in with ease, if + necessary, opened the coach door, let down the steps, and giving Jonas a + shake, cried ‘We’ve got home, my flower! Tumble up, then!’ + </p> + <p> + He was so far recovered as to be able to respond to this appeal, and to + come stumbling out of the coach in a heap, to the great hazard of Mr + Bailey’s person. When he got upon the pavement, Mr Bailey first butted at + him in front, and then dexterously propped him up behind; and having + steadied him by these means, he assisted him into the house. + </p> + <p> + ‘You go up first with the light,’ said Bailey to Mr Jonas, ‘and we’ll + foller. Don’t tremble so. He won’t hurt you. When I’ve had a drop too + much, I’m full of good natur myself.’ + </p> + <p> + She went on before; and her husband and Bailey, by dint of tumbling over + each other, and knocking themselves about, got at last into the + sitting-room above stairs, where Jonas staggered into a seat. + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ said Mr Bailey. ‘He’s all right now. You ain’t got nothing to cry + for, bless you! He’s righter than a trivet!’ + </p> + <p> + The ill-favoured brute, with dress awry, and sodden face, and rumpled + hair, sat blinking and drooping, and rolling his idiotic eyes about, + until, becoming conscious by degrees, he recognized his wife, and shook + his fist at her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried Mr Bailey, squaring his arms with a sudden emotion. ‘What, + you’re wicious, are you? Would you though! You’d better not!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, go away!’ said Merry. ‘Bailey, my good boy, go home. Jonas!’ she + said; timidly laying her hand upon his shoulder, and bending her head down + over him. ‘Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Look at her!’ cried Jonas, pushing her off with his extended arm. ‘Look + here! Look at her! Here’s a bargain for a man!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Devil!’ he replied, with a fierce gesture. ‘You’re a pretty clog to + be tied to a man for life, you mewling, white-faced cat! Get out of my + sight!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know you don’t mean it, Jonas. You wouldn’t say it if you were sober.’ + </p> + <p> + With affected gayety she gave Bailey a piece of money, and again implored + him to be gone. Her entreaty was so earnest, that the boy had not the + heart to stay there. But he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and + listened. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t say it if I was sober!’ retorted Jonas. ‘You know better. Have + I never said it when I was sober?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Often, indeed!’ she answered through her tears. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hark ye!’ cried Jonas, stamping his foot upon the ground. ‘You made me + bear your pretty humours once, and ecod I’ll make you bear mine now. I + always promised myself I would. I married you that I might. I’ll know + who’s master, and who’s slave!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Heaven knows I am obedient!’ said the sobbing girl. ‘Much more so than I + ever thought to be!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas laughed in his drunken exultation. ‘What! you’re finding it out, are + you! Patience, and you will in time! Griffins have claws, my girl. There’s + not a pretty slight you ever put upon me, nor a pretty trick you ever + played me, nor a pretty insolence you ever showed me, that I won’t pay + back a hundred-fold. What else did I marry you for? <i>you</i>, too!’ he said, + with coarse contempt. + </p> + <p> + It might have softened him—indeed it might—to hear her turn a + little fragment of a song he used to say he liked; trying, with a heart so + full, to win him back. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oho!’ he said, ‘you’re deaf, are you? You don’t hear me, eh? So much the + better for you. I hate you. I hate myself, for having, been fool enough to + strap a pack upon my back for the pleasure of treading on it whenever I + choose. Why, things have opened to me, now, so that I might marry almost + where I liked. But I wouldn’t; I’d keep single. I ought to be single, + among the friends I know. Instead of that, here I am, tied like a log to + you. Pah! Why do you show your pale face when I come home? Am I never to + forget you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How late it is!’ she said cheerfully, opening the shutter after an + interval of silence. ‘Broad day, Jonas!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Broad day or black night, what do I care!’ was the kind rejoinder. + </p> + <p> + ‘The night passed quickly, too. I don’t mind sitting up, at all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sit up for me again, if you dare!’ growled Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was reading,’ she proceeded, ‘all night long. I began when you went + out, and read till you came home again. The strangest story, Jonas! And + true, the book says. I’ll tell it you to-morrow.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘True, was it?’ said Jonas, doggedly. + </p> + <p> + ‘So the book says.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was there anything in it, about a man’s being determined to conquer his + wife, break her spirit, bend her temper, crush all her humours like so + many nut-shells—kill her, for aught I know?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘No. Not a word,’ she answered quickly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ he returned. ‘That’ll be a true story though, before long; for all + the book says nothing about it. It’s a lying book, I see. A fit book for a + lying reader. But you’re deaf. I forgot that.’ + </p> + <p> + There was another interval of silence; and the boy was stealing away, when + he heard her footstep on the floor, and stopped. She went up to him, as it + seemed, and spoke lovingly; saying that she would defer to him in + everything and would consult his wishes and obey them, and they might be + very happy if he would be gentle with her. He answered with an + imprecation, and— + </p> + <p> + Not with a blow? Yes. Stern truth against the base-souled villain; with a + blow. + </p> + <p> + No angry cries; no loud reproaches. Even her weeping and her sobs were + stifled by her clinging round him. She only said, repeating it in agony of + heart, how could he, could he, could he—and lost utterance in tears. + </p> + <p> + Oh woman, God beloved in old Jerusalem! The best among us need deal + lightly with thy faults, if only for the punishment thy nature will + endure, in bearing heavy evidence against us, on the Day of Judgment! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0029" id="link2HCH0029"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH SOME PEOPLE ARE PRECOCIOUS, OTHERS PROFESSIONAL, AND OTHERS + MYSTERIOUS; ALL IN THEIR SEVERAL WAYS + </p> + <p> + It may have been the restless remembrance of what he had seen and heard + overnight, or it may have been no deeper mental operation than the + discovery that he had nothing to do, which caused Mr Bailey, on the + following afternoon, to feel particularly disposed for agreeable society, + and prompted him to pay a visit to his friend Poll Sweedlepipe. + </p> + <p> + On the little bell giving clamorous notice of a visitor’s approach (for Mr + Bailey came in at the door with a lunge, to get as much sound out of the + bell as possible), Poll Sweedlepipe desisted from the contemplation of a + favourite owl, and gave his young friend hearty welcome. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you look smarter by day,’ said Poll, ‘than you do by candle-light. I + never see such a tight young dasher.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Reether so, Polly. How’s our fair friend, Sairah?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, she’s pretty well,’ said Poll. ‘She’s at home.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s the remains of a fine woman about Sairah, Poll,’ observed Mr + Bailey, with genteel indifference. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ thought Poll, ‘he’s old. He must be very old!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Too much crumb, you know,’ said Mr Bailey; ‘too fat, Poll. But there’s + many worse at her time of life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The very owl’s a-opening his eyes!’ thought Poll. ‘I don’t wonder at it + in a bird of his opinions.’ + </p> + <p> + He happened to have been sharpening his razors, which were lying open in a + row, while a huge strop dangled from the wall. Glancing at these + preparations, Mr Bailey stroked his chin, and a thought appeared to occur + to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poll,’ he said, ‘I ain’t as neat as I could wish about the gills. Being + here, I may as well have a shave, and get trimmed close.’ + </p> + <p> + The barber stood aghast; but Mr Bailey divested himself of his neck-cloth, + and sat down in the easy shaving chair with all the dignity and confidence + in life. There was no resisting his manner. The evidence of sight and + touch became as nothing. His chin was as smooth as a new-laid egg or a + scraped Dutch cheese; but Poll Sweedlepipe wouldn’t have ventured to deny, + on affidavit, that he had the beard of a Jewish rabbi. + </p> + <p> + ‘Go <i>with </i>the grain, Poll, all round, please,’ said Mr Bailey, screwing up + his face for the reception of the lather. ‘You may do wot you like with + the bits of whisker. I don’t care for ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + The meek little barber stood gazing at him with the brush and soap-dish in + his hand, stirring them round and round in a ludicrous uncertainty, as if + he were disabled by some fascination from beginning. At last he made a + dash at Mr Bailey’s cheek. Then he stopped again, as if the ghost of a + beard had suddenly receded from his touch; but receiving mild + encouragement from Mr Bailey, in the form of an adjuration to ‘Go in and + win,’ he lathered him bountifully. Mr Bailey smiled through the suds in + his satisfaction. ‘Gently over the stones, Poll. Go a tip-toe over the + pimples!’ + </p> + <p> + Poll Sweedlepipe obeyed, and scraped the lather off again with particular + care. Mr Bailey squinted at every successive dab, as it was deposited on a + cloth on his left shoulder, and seemed, with a microscopic eye, to detect + some bristles in it; for he murmured more than once ‘Reether redder than I + could wish, Poll.’ The operation being concluded, Poll fell back and + stared at him again, while Mr Bailey, wiping his face on the jack-towel, + remarked, ‘that arter late hours nothing freshened up a man so much as a + easy shave.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0196m.jpg" alt="0196m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0196.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + + <p> + He was in the act of tying his cravat at the glass, without his coat, and + Poll had wiped his razor, ready for the next customer, when Mrs Gamp, + coming downstairs, looked in at the shop-door to give the barber + neighbourly good day. Feeling for her unfortunate situation, in having + conceived a regard for himself which it was not in the nature of things + that he could return, Mr Bailey hastened to soothe her with words of + kindness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo!’ he said, ‘Sairah! I needn’t ask you how you’ve been this long + time, for you’re in full bloom. All a-blowin and a-growin; ain’t she, + Polly?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, drat the Bragian boldness of that boy!’ cried Mrs Gamp, though not + displeased. ‘What a imperent young sparrow it is! I wouldn’t be that + creetur’s mother not for fifty pound!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey regarded this as a delicate confession of her attachment, and a + hint that no pecuniary gain could recompense her for its being rendered + hopeless. He felt flattered. Disinterested affection is always flattering. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, dear!’ moaned Mrs Gamp, sinking into the shaving chair, ‘that there + blessed Bull, Mr Sweedlepipe, has done his wery best to conker me. Of all + the trying inwalieges in this walley of the shadder, that one beats ‘em + black and blue.’ + </p> + <p> + It was the practice of Mrs Gamp and her friends in the profession, to say + this of all the easy customers; as having at once the effect of + discouraging competitors for office, and accounting for the necessity of + high living on the part of the nurses. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talk of constitooshun!’ Mrs Gamp observed. ‘A person’s constitooshun need + be made of bricks to stand it. Mrs Harris jestly says to me, but t’other + day, “Oh! Sairey Gamp,” she says, “how is it done?” “Mrs Harris, ma’am,” I + says to her, “we gives no trust ourselves, and puts a deal o’trust + elsevere; these is our religious feelins, and we finds ‘em answer.” + “Sairey,” says Mrs Harris, “sech is life. Vich likeways is the hend of all + things!”’ + </p> + <p> + The barber gave a soft murmur, as much as to say that Mrs Harris’s remark, + though perhaps not quite so intelligible as could be desired from such an + authority, did equal honour to her head and to her heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘And here,’ continued Mrs Gamp, ‘and here am I a-goin twenty mile in + distant, on as wentersome a chance as ever any one as monthlied ever run, + I do believe. Says Mrs Harris, with a woman’s and a mother’s art a-beatin + in her human breast, she says to me, “You’re not a-goin, Sairey, Lord + forgive you!” “Why am I not a-goin, Mrs Harris?” I replies. “Mrs Gill,” I + says, “wos never wrong with six; and is it likely, ma’am—I ast you + as a mother—that she will begin to be unreg’lar now? Often and often + have I heerd him say,” I says to Mrs Harris, meaning Mr Gill, “that he + would back his wife agen Moore’s almanack, to name the very day and hour, + for ninepence farden. <i>is</i> it likely, ma’am,” I says, “as she will fail this + once?” Says Mrs Harris “No, ma’am, not in the course of natur. But,” she + says, the tears a-fillin in her eyes, “you knows much betterer than me, + with your experienge, how little puts us out. A Punch’s show,” she says, + “a chimbley sweep, a newfundlan dog, or a drunkin man a-comin round the + corner sharp may do it.” So it may, Mr Sweedlepipes,’ said Mrs Gamp, + ‘there’s no deniging of it; and though my books is clear for a full week, + I takes a anxious art along with me, I do assure you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re so full of zeal, you see!’ said Poll. ‘You worrit yourself so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Worrit myself!’ cried Mrs Gamp, raising her hands and turning up her + eyes. ‘You speak truth in that, sir, if you never speaks no more ‘twixt + this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the sufferins of other + people more than I feels my own, though no one mayn’t suppoge it. The + families I’ve had,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘if all was knowd and credit done where + credit’s doo, would take a week to chris’en at Saint Polge’s fontin!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where’s the patient goin?’ asked Sweedlepipe. + </p> + <p> + ‘Into Har’fordshire, which is his native air. But native airs nor native + graces neither,’ Mrs Gamp observed, ‘won’t bring <i>him </i>round.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So bad as that?’ inquired the wistful barber. ‘Indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp shook her head mysteriously, and pursed up her lips. ‘There’s + fevers of the mind,’ she said, ‘as well as body. You may take your slime + drafts till you flies into the air with efferwescence; but you won’t cure + that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said the barber, opening his eyes, and putting on his raven aspect; + ‘Lor!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. You may make yourself as light as any gash balloon,’ said Mrs Gamp. + ‘But talk, when you’re wrong in your head and when you’re in your sleep, + of certain things; and you’ll be heavy in your mind.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of what kind of things now?’ inquired Poll, greedily biting his nails in + his great interest. ‘Ghosts?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp, who perhaps had been already tempted further than she had + intended to go, by the barber’s stimulating curiosity, gave a sniff of + uncommon significance, and said, it didn’t signify. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m a-goin down with my patient in the coach this arternoon,’ she + proceeded. ‘I’m a-goin to stop with him a day or so, till he gets a + country nuss (drat them country nusses, much the orkard hussies knows + about their bis’ness); and then I’m a-comin back; and that’s my trouble, + Mr Sweedlepipes. But I hope that everythink’ll only go on right and + comfortable as long as I’m away; perwisin which, as Mrs Harris says, Mrs + Gill is welcome to choose her own time; all times of the day and night + bein’ equally the same to me.’ + </p> + <p> + During the progress of the foregoing remarks, which Mrs Gamp had addressed + exclusively to the barber, Mr Bailey had been tying his cravat, getting on + his coat, and making hideous faces at himself in the glass. Being now + personally addressed by Mrs Gamp, he turned round, and mingled in the + conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘You ain’t been in the City, I suppose, sir, since we was all three there + together,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘at Mr Chuzzlewit’s?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I have, Sairah. I was there last night.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Last night!’ cried the barber. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Poll, reether so. You can call it this morning, if you like to be + particular. He dined with us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who does that young Limb mean by “hus?”’ said Mrs Gamp, with most + impatient emphasis. + </p> + <p> + ‘Me and my Governor, Sairah. He dined at our house. We wos very merry, + Sairah. So much so, that I was obliged to see him home in a hackney coach + at three o’clock in the morning.’ It was on the tip of the boy’s tongue to + relate what had followed; but remembering how easily it might be carried + to his master’s ears, and the repeated cautions he had had from Mr Crimple + ‘not to chatter,’ he checked himself; adding, only, ‘She was sitting up, + expecting him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And all things considered,’ said Mrs Gamp sharply, ‘she might have know’d + better than to go a-tirin herself out, by doin’ anythink of the sort. Did + they seem pretty pleasant together, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, yes,’ answered Bailey, ‘pleasant enough.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m glad on it,’ said Mrs Gamp, with a second sniff of significance. + </p> + <p> + ‘They haven’t been married so long,’ observed Poll, rubbing his hands, + ‘that they need be anything but pleasant yet awhile.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mrs Gamp, with a third significant signal. + </p> + <p> + ‘Especially,’ pursued the barber, ‘when the gentleman bears such a + character as you gave him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I speak; as I find, Mr Sweedlepipes,’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘Forbid it should be + otherways! But we never knows wot’s hidden in each other’s hearts; and if + we had glass winders there, we’d need keep the shetters up, some on us, I + do assure you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But you don’t mean to say—’ Poll Sweedlepipe began. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mrs Gamp, cutting him very short, ‘I don’t. Don’t think I do. + The torters of the Imposition shouldn’t make me own I did. All I says is,’ + added the good woman, rising and folding her shawl about her, ‘that the + Bull’s a-waitin, and the precious moments is a-flyin’ fast.’ + </p> + <p> + The little barber having in his eager curiosity a great desire to see Mrs + Gamp’s patient, proposed to Mr Bailey that they should accompany her to + the Bull, and witness the departure of the coach. That young gentleman + assenting, they all went out together. + </p> + <p> + Arriving at the tavern, Mrs Gamp (who was full-dressed for the journey, in + her latest suit of mourning) left her friends to entertain themselves in + the yard, while she ascended to the sick room, where her fellow-labourer + Mrs Prig was dressing the invalid. + </p> + <p> + He was so wasted, that it seemed as if his bones would rattle when they + moved him. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes unnaturally large. He lay + back in the easy-chair like one more dead than living; and rolled his + languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp appeared, as painfully as if + their weight alone were burdensome to move. + </p> + <p> + ‘And how are we by this time?’ Mrs Gamp observed. ‘We looks charming.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,’ returned Mrs Prig, a + little chafed in her temper. ‘We got out of bed back’ards, I think, for + we’re as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He wouldn’t have + been washed, if he’d had his own way.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She put the soap in my mouth,’ said the unfortunate patient feebly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Couldn’t you keep it shut then?’ retorted Mrs Prig. ‘Who do you think’s + to wash one feater, and miss another, and wear one’s eyes out with all + manner of fine work of that description, for half-a-crown a day! If you + wants to be tittivated, you must pay accordin’.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear me!’ cried the patient, ‘oh dear, dear!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ said Mrs Prig, ‘that’s the way he’s been a-conductin of himself, + Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed, if you’ll believe it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Instead of being grateful,’ Mrs Gamp observed, ‘for all our little ways. + Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his + unhappy head with a hair-brush. + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose you don’t like that, neither!’ she observed, stopping to look + at him. + </p> + <p> + It was just possible that he didn’t for the brush was a specimen of the + hardest kind of instrument producible by modern art; and his very eyelids + were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to observe the + correctness of her supposition, and said triumphantly ‘she know’d as + much.’ + </p> + <p> + When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig and + Mrs Gamp put on his neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with great + nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those organs, and + afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His waistcoat and coat were + next arranged; and as every button was wrenched into a wrong button-hole, + and the order of his boots was reversed, he presented on the whole rather + a melancholy appearance. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t think it’s right,’ said the poor weak invalid. ‘I feel as if I + was in somebody else’s clothes. I’m all on one side; and you’ve made one + of my legs shorter than the other. There’s a bottle in my pocket too. What + do you make me sit upon a bottle for?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Deuce take the man!’ cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. ‘If he ain’t been + and got my night-bottle here. I made a little cupboard of his coat when it + hung behind the door, and quite forgot it, Betsey. You’ll find a ingun or + two, and a little tea and sugar in his t’other pocket, my dear, if you’ll + just be good enough to take ‘em out.’ + </p> + <p> + Betsey produced the property in question, together with some other + articles of general chandlery; and Mrs Gamp transferred them to her own + pocket, which was a species of nankeen pannier. Refreshment then arrived + in the form of chops and strong ale for the ladies, and a basin of + beef-tea for the patient; which refection was barely at an end when John + Westlock appeared. + </p> + <p> + ‘Up and dressed!’ cried John, sitting down beside him. ‘That’s brave. How + do you feel?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Much better. But very weak.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No wonder. You have had a hard bout of it. But country air, and change of + scene,’ said John, ‘will make another man of you! Why, Mrs Gamp,’ he + added, laughing, as he kindly arranged the sick man’s garments, ‘you have + odd notions of a gentleman’s dress!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Lewsome an’t a easy gent to get into his clothes, sir,’ Mrs Gamp + replied with dignity; ‘as me and Betsey Prig can certify afore the Lord + Mayor and Uncommon Counsellors, if needful!’ + </p> + <p> + John at that moment was standing close in front of the sick man, in the + act of releasing him from the torture of the collars before mentioned, + when he said in a whisper: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Westlock! I don’t wish to be overheard. I have something very + particular and strange to say to you; something that has been a dreadful + weight on my mind, through this long illness.’ + </p> + <p> + Quick in all his motions, John was turning round to desire the women to + leave the room; when the sick man held him by the sleeve. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not now. I’ve not the strength. I’ve not the courage. May I tell it when + I have? May I write it, if I find that easier and better?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘May you!’ cried John. ‘Why, Lewsome, what is this!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t ask me what it is. It’s unnatural and cruel. Frightful to think of. + Frightful to tell. Frightful to know. Frightful to have helped in. Let me + kiss your hand for all your goodness to me. Be kinder still, and don’t ask + me what it is!’ + </p> + <p> + At first, John gazed at him in great surprise; but remembering how very + much reduced he was, and how recently his brain had been on fire with + fever, believed that he was labouring under some imaginary horror or + despondent fancy. For farther information on this point, he took an + opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside, while Betsey Prig was wrapping him + in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was quite collected in his + mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh bless you, no!’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘He hates his nusses to this hour. They + always does it, sir. It’s a certain sign. If you could have heerd the poor + dear soul a-findin fault with me and Betsey Prig, not half an hour ago, + you would have wondered how it is we don’t get fretted to the tomb.’ + </p> + <p> + This almost confirmed John in his suspicion; so, not taking what had + passed into any serious account, he resumed his former cheerful manner, + and assisted by Mrs Gamp and Betsey Prig, conducted Lewsome downstairs to + the coach; just then upon the point of starting. Poll Sweedlepipe was at + the door with his arms tight folded and his eyes wide open, and looked on + with absorbing interest, while the sick man was slowly moved into the + vehicle. His bony hands and haggard face impressed Poll wonderfully; and + he informed Mr Bailey in confidence, that he wouldn’t have missed seeing + him for a pound. Mr Bailey, who was of a different constitution, remarked + that he would have stayed away for five shillings. + </p> + <p> + It was a troublesome matter to adjust Mrs Gamp’s luggage to her + satisfaction; for every package belonging to that lady had the + inconvenient property of requiring to be put in a boot by itself, and to + have no other luggage near it, on pain of actions at law for heavy damages + against the proprietors of the coach. The umbrella with the circular patch + was particularly hard to be got rid of, and several times thrust out its + battered brass nozzle from improper crevices and chinks, to the great + terror of the other passengers. Indeed, in her intense anxiety to find a + haven of refuge for this chattel, Mrs Gamp so often moved it, in the + course of five minutes, that it seemed not one umbrella but fifty. At + length it was lost, or said to be; and for the next five minutes she was + face to face with the coachman, go wherever he might, protesting that it + should be ‘made good,’ though she took the question to the House of + Commons. + </p> + <p> + At last, her bundle, and her pattens, and her basket, and everything else, + being disposed of, she took a friendly leave of Poll and Mr Bailey, + dropped a curtsey to John Westlock, and parted as from a cherished member + of the sisterhood with Betsey Prig. + </p> + <p> + ‘Wishin you lots of sickness, my darlin creetur,’ Mrs Gamp observed, ‘and + good places. It won’t be long, I hope, afore we works together, off and + on, again, Betsey; and may our next meetin’ be at a large family’s, where + they all takes it reg’lar, one from another, turn and turn about, and has + it business-like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t care how soon it is,’ said Mrs Prig; ‘nor how many weeks it + lasts.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp with a reply in a congenial spirit was backing to the coach, when + she came in contact with a lady and gentleman who were passing along the + footway. + </p> + <p> + ‘Take care, take care here!’ cried the gentleman. ‘Halloo! My dear! Why, + it’s Mrs Gamp!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, Mr Mould!’ exclaimed the nurse. ‘And Mrs Mould! who would have + thought as we should ever have a meetin’ here, I’m sure!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Going out of town, Mrs Gamp?’ cried Mould. ‘That’s unusual, isn’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It <i>is</i> unusual, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘But only for a day or two at most. + The gent,’ she whispered, ‘as I spoke about.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, in the coach!’ cried Mould. ‘The one you thought of recommending? + Very odd. My dear, this will interest you. The gentleman that Mrs Gamp + thought likely to suit us is in the coach, my love.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Mould was greatly interested. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here, my dear. You can stand upon the door-step,’ said Mould, ‘and take a + look at him. Ha! There he is. Where’s my glass? Oh! all right. I’ve got + it. Do you see him, my dear?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite plain,’ said Mrs Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life, you know, this is a very singular circumstance,’ said + Mould, quite delighted. ‘This is the sort of thing, my dear, I wouldn’t + have missed on any account. It tickles one. It’s interesting. It’s almost + a little play, you know. Ah! There he is! To be sure. Looks poorly, Mrs + M., don’t he?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Mould assented. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s coming our way, perhaps, after all,’ said Mould. ‘Who knows! I feel + as if I ought to show him some little attention, really. He don’t seem a + stranger to me. I’m very much inclined to move my hat, my dear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s looking hard this way,’ said Mrs Mould. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I will!’ cried Mould. ‘How d’ye do, sir! I wish you good day. Ha! He + bows too. Very gentlemanly. Mrs Gamp has the cards in her pocket, I have + no doubt. This is very singular, my dear—and very pleasant. I am not + superstitious, but it really seems as if one was destined to pay him those + little melancholy civilities which belong to our peculiar line of + business. There can be no kind of objection to your kissing your hand to + him, my dear.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Mould did so. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ said Mould. ‘He’s evidently gratified. Poor fellow! I am quite glad + you did it, my love. Bye bye, Mrs Gamp!’ waving his hand. ‘There he goes; + there he goes!’ + </p> + <p> + So he did; for the coach rolled off as the words were spoken. Mr and Mrs + Mould, in high good humour, went their merry way. Mr Bailey retired with + Poll Sweedlepipe as soon as possible; but some little time elapsed before + he could remove his friend from the ground, owing to the impression + wrought upon the barber’s nerves by Mrs Prig, whom he pronounced, in + admiration of her beard, to be a woman of transcendent charms. + </p> + <p> + When the light cloud of bustle hanging round the coach was thus dispersed, + Nadgett was seen in the darkest box of the Bull coffee-room, looking + wistfully up at the clock—as if the man who never appeared were a + little behind his time. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0030" id="link2HCH0030"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY + </h2> + <p> + PROVES THAT CHANGES MAY BE RUNG IN THE BEST-REGULATED FAMILIES, AND THAT + MR PECKNIFF WAS A SPECIAL HAND AT A TRIPLE-BOB-MAJOR + </p> + <p> + As the surgeon’s first care after amputating a limb, is to take up the + arteries the cruel knife has severed, so it is the duty of this history, + which in its remorseless course has cut from the Pecksniffian trunk its + right arm, Mercy, to look to the parent stem, and see how in all its + various ramifications it got on without her. + </p> + <p> + And first of Mr Pecksniff it may be observed, that having provided for his + youngest daughter that choicest of blessings, a tender and indulgent + husband; and having gratified the dearest wish of his parental heart by + establishing her in life so happily; he renewed his youth, and spreading + the plumage of his own bright conscience, felt himself equal to all kinds + of flights. It is customary with fathers in stage-plays, after giving + their daughters to the men of their hearts, to congratulate themselves on + having no other business on their hands but to die immediately; though it + is rarely found that they are in a hurry to do it. Mr Pecksniff, being a + father of a more sage and practical class, appeared to think that his + immediate business was to live; and having deprived himself of one + comfort, to surround himself with others. + </p> + <p> + But however much inclined the good man was to be jocose and playful, and + in the garden of his fancy to disport himself (if one may say so) like an + architectural kitten, he had one impediment constantly opposed to him. The + gentle Cherry, stung by a sense of slight and injury, which far from + softening down or wearing out, rankled and festered in her heart—the + gentle Cherry was in flat rebellion. She waged fierce war against her dear + papa, she led her parent what is usually called, for want of a better + figure of speech, the life of a dog. But never did that dog live, in + kennel, stable-yard, or house, whose life was half as hard as Mr + Pecksniff’s with his gentle child. + </p> + <p> + The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had retired, + and they were alone. Mr Pecksniff frowned at first; but having cleared his + brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose was very red indeed, and + screwed up tight, with hostile preparation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Cherry,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, ‘what is amiss between us? My child, why are + we disunited?’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff’s answer was scarcely a response to this gush of affection, + for it was simply, ‘Bother, Pa!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bother!’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of anguish. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! ‘tis too late, Pa,’ said his daughter, calmly ‘to talk to me like + this. I know what it means, and what its value is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This is hard!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, addressing his breakfast-cup. ‘This is + very hard! She is my child. I carried her in my arms when she wore + shapeless worsted shoes—I might say, mufflers—many years ago!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You needn’t taunt me with that, Pa,’ retorted Cherry, with a spiteful + look. ‘I am not so many years older than my sister, either, though she <i>is</i> + married to your friend!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, human nature, human nature! Poor human nature!’ said Mr Pecksniff, + shaking his head at human nature, as if he didn’t belong to it. ‘To think + that this discord should arise from such a cause! oh dear, oh dear!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘From such a cause indeed!’ cried Cherry. ‘State the real cause, Pa, or + I’ll state it myself. Mind! I will!’ + </p> + <p> + Perhaps the energy with which she said this was infectious. However that + may be, Mr Pecksniff changed his tone and the expression of his face for + one of anger, if not downright violence, when he said: + </p> + <p> + ‘You will! you have. You did yesterday. You do always. You have no + decency; you make no secret of your temper; you have exposed yourself to + Mr Chuzzlewit a hundred times.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Myself!’ cried Cherry, with a bitter smile. ‘Oh indeed! I don’t mind + that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Me, too, then,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + His daughter answered with a scornful laugh. + </p> + <p> + ‘And since we have come to an explanation, Charity,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + rolling his head portentously, ‘let me tell you that I won’t allow it. + None of your nonsense, Miss! I won’t permit it to be done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall do,’ said Charity, rocking her chair backwards and forwards, and + raising her voice to a high pitch, ‘I shall do, Pa, what I please and what + I have done. I am not going to be crushed in everything, depend upon it. + I’ve been more shamefully used than anybody ever was in this world,’ here + she began to cry and sob, ‘and may expect the worse treatment from you, I + know. But I don’t care for that. No, I don’t!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was made so desperate by the loud tone in which she spoke, + that, after looking about him in frantic uncertainty for some means of + softening it, he rose and shook her until the ornamental bow of hair upon + her head nodded like a plume. She was so very much astonished by this + assault, that it really had the desired effect. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll do it again!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, as he resumed his seat and fetched + his breath, ‘if you dare to talk in that loud manner. How do you mean + about being shamefully used? If Mr Jonas chose your sister in preference + to you, who could help it, I should wish to know? What have I to do with + it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Wasn’t I made a convenience of? Weren’t my feelings trifled with? Didn’t + he address himself to me first?’ sobbed Cherry, clasping her hands; ‘and + oh, good gracious, that I should live to be shook!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll live to be shaken again,’ returned her parent, ‘if you drive me to + that means of maintaining the decorum of this humble roof. You surprise + me. I wonder you have not more spirit. If Mr Jonas didn’t care for you, + how could you wish to have him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish to have him!’ exclaimed Cherry. ‘I wish to have him, Pa!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then what are you making all this piece of work for,’ retorted her + father, ‘if you didn’t wish to have him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Because I was treated with duplicity,’ said Cherry; ‘and because my own + sister and my own father conspired against me. I am not angry with <i>her</i>,’ + said Cherry; looking much more angry than ever. ‘I pity her. I’m sorry for + her. I know the fate that’s in store for her, with that Wretch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Jonas will survive your calling him a wretch, my child, I dare say,’ + said Mr Pecksniff, with returning resignation; ‘but call him what you like + and make an end of it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not an end, Pa,’ said Charity. ‘No, not an end. That’s not the only point + on which we’re not agreed. I won’t submit to it. It’s better you should + know that at once. No; I won’t submit to it indeed, Pa! I am not quite a + fool, and I am not blind. All I have got to say is, I won’t submit to it.’ + </p> + <p> + Whatever she meant, she shook Mr Pecksniff now; for his lame attempt to + seem composed was melancholy in the last degree. His anger changed to + meekness, and his words were mild and fawning. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ he said; ‘if in the short excitement of an angry moment I + resorted to an unjustifiable means of suppressing a little outbreak + calculated to injure you as well as myself—it’s possible I may have + done so; perhaps I did—I ask your pardon. A father asking pardon of + his child,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘is, I believe, a spectacle to soften the + most rugged nature.’ + </p> + <p> + But it didn’t at all soften Miss Pecksniff; perhaps because her nature was + not rugged enough. On the contrary, she persisted in saying, over and over + again, that she wasn’t quite a fool, and wasn’t blind, and wouldn’t submit + to it. + </p> + <p> + ‘You labour under some mistake, my child!’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘but I will + not ask you what it is; I don’t desire to know. No, pray!’ he added, + holding out his hand and colouring again, ‘let us avoid the subject, my + dear, whatever it is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s quite right that the subject should be avoided between us, sir,’ + said Cherry. ‘But I wish to be able to avoid it altogether, and + consequently must beg you to provide me with a home.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff looked about the room, and said, ‘A home, my child!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Another home, papa,’ said Cherry, with increasing stateliness ‘Place me + at Mrs Todgers’s or somewhere, on an independent footing; but I will not + live here, if such is to be the case.’ + </p> + <p> + It is possible that Miss Pecksniff saw in Mrs Todgers’s a vision of + enthusiastic men, pining to fall in adoration at her feet. It is possible + that Mr Pecksniff, in his new-born juvenility, saw, in the suggestion of + that same establishment, an easy means of relieving himself from an + irksome charge in the way of temper and watchfulness. It is undoubtedly a + fact that in the attentive ears of Mr Pecksniff, the proposition did not + sound quite like the dismal knell of all his hopes. + </p> + <p> + But he was a man of great feeling and acute sensibility; and he squeezed + his pocket-handkerchief against his eyes with both hands—as such men + always do, especially when they are observed. ‘One of my birds,’ Mr + Pecksniff said, ‘has left me for the stranger’s breast; the other would + take wing to Todgers’s! Well, well, what am I? I don’t know what I am, + exactly. Never mind!’ + </p> + <p> + Even this remark, made more pathetic perhaps by his breaking down in the + middle of it, had no effect upon Charity. She was grim, rigid, and + inflexible. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I have ever,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘sacrificed my children’s happiness + to my own—I mean my own happiness to my children’s—and I will + not begin to regulate my life by other rules of conduct now. If you can be + happier at Mrs Todgers’s than in your father’s house, my dear, go to Mrs + Todgers’s! Do not think of me, my girl!’ said Mr Pecksniff with emotion; + ‘I shall get on pretty well, no doubt.’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Charity, who knew he had a secret pleasure in the contemplation of + the proposed change, suppressed her own, and went on to negotiate the + terms. His views upon this subject were at first so very limited that + another difference, involving possibly another shaking, threatened to + ensue; but by degrees they came to something like an understanding, and + the storm blew over. Indeed, Miss Charity’s idea was so agreeable to both, + that it would have been strange if they had not come to an amicable + agreement. It was soon arranged between them that the project should be + tried, and that immediately; and that Cherry’s not being well, and needing + change of scene, and wishing to be near her sister, should form the excuse + for her departure to Mr Chuzzlewit and Mary, to both of whom she had + pleaded indisposition for some time past. These premises agreed on, Mr + Pecksniff gave her his blessing, with all the dignity of a self-denying + man who had made a hard sacrifice, but comforted himself with the + reflection that virtue is its own reward. Thus they were reconciled for + the first time since that not easily forgiven night, when Mr Jonas, + repudiating the elder, had confessed his passion for the younger sister, + and Mr Pecksniff had abetted him on moral grounds. + </p> + <p> + But how happened it—in the name of an unexpected addition to that + small family, the Seven Wonders of the World, whatever and wherever they + may be, how happened it—that Mr Pecksniff and his daughter were + about to part? How happened it that their mutual relations were so greatly + altered? Why was Miss Pecksniff so clamorous to have it understood that + she was neither blind nor foolish, and she wouldn’t bear it? It is not + possible that Mr Pecksniff had any thoughts of marrying again; or that his + daughter, with the sharp eye of a single woman, fathomed his design! + </p> + <p> + Let us inquire into this. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff, as a man without reproach, from whom the breath of slander + passed like common breath from any other polished surface, could afford to + do what common men could not. He knew the purity of his own motives; and + when he had a motive worked at it as only a very good man (or a very bad + one) can. Did he set before himself any strong and palpable motives for + taking a second wife? Yes; and not one or two of them, but a combination + of very many. + </p> + <p> + Old Martin Chuzzlewit had gradually undergone an important change. Even + upon the night when he made such an ill-timed arrival at Mr Pecksniff’s + house, he was comparatively subdued and easy to deal with. This Mr + Pecksniff attributed, at the time, to the effect his brother’s death had + had upon him. But from that hour his character seemed to have modified by + regular degrees, and to have softened down into a dull indifference for + almost every one but Mr Pecksniff. His looks were much the same as ever, + but his mind was singularly altered. It was not that this or that passion + stood out in brighter or in dimmer hues; but that the colour of the whole + man was faded. As one trait disappeared, no other trait sprung up to take + its place. His senses dwindled too. He was less keen of sight; was deaf + sometimes; took little notice of what passed before him; and would be + profoundly taciturn for days together. The process of this alteration was + so easy that almost as soon as it began to be observed it was complete. + But Mr Pecksniff saw it first, and having Anthony Chuzzlewit fresh in his + recollection, saw in his brother Martin the same process of decay. + </p> + <p> + To a gentleman of Mr Pecksniff’s tenderness, this was a very mournful + sight. He could not but foresee the probability of his respected relative + being made the victim of designing persons, and of his riches falling into + worthless hands. It gave him so much pain that he resolved to secure the + property to himself; to keep bad testamentary suitors at a distance; to + wall up the old gentleman, as it were, for his own use. By little and + little, therefore, he began to try whether Mr Chuzzlewit gave any promise + of becoming an instrument in his hands, and finding that he did, and + indeed that he was very supple in his plastic fingers, he made it the + business of his life—kind soul!—to establish an ascendancy + over him; and every little test he durst apply meeting with a success + beyond his hopes, he began to think he heard old Martin’s cash already + chinking in his own unworldly pockets. + </p> + <p> + But when Mr Pecksniff pondered on this subject (as, in his zealous way, he + often did), and thought with an uplifted heart of the train of + circumstances which had delivered the old gentleman into his hands for the + confusion of evil-doers and the triumph of a righteous nature, he always + felt that Mary Graham was his stumbling-block. Let the old man say what he + would, Mr Pecksniff knew he had a strong affection for her. He knew that + he showed it in a thousand little ways; that he liked to have her near + him, and was never quite at ease when she was absent long. That he had + ever really sworn to leave her nothing in his will, Mr Pecksniff greatly + doubted. That even if he had, there were many ways by which he could evade + the oath and satisfy his conscience, Mr Pecksniff knew. That her + unprotected state was no light burden on the old man’s mind, he also knew, + for Mr Chuzzlewit had plainly told him so. ‘Then,’ said Mr Pecksniff ‘what + if I married her! What,’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, sticking up his hair and + glancing at his bust by Spoker; ‘what if, making sure of his approval + first—he is nearly imbecile, poor gentleman—I married her!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had a lively sense of the Beautiful; especially in women. His + manner towards the sex was remarkable for its insinuating character. It is + recorded of him in another part of these pages, that he embraced Mrs + Todgers on the smallest provocation; and it was a way he had; it was a + part of the gentle placidity of his disposition. Before any thought of + matrimony was in his mind, he had bestowed on Mary many little tokens of + his spiritual admiration. They had been indignantly received, but that was + nothing. True, as the idea expanded within him, these had become too + ardent to escape the piercing eye of Cherry, who read his scheme at once; + but he had always felt the power of Mary’s charms. So Interest and + Inclination made a pair, and drew the curricle of Mr Pecksniff’s plan. + </p> + <p> + As to any thought of revenging himself on young Martin for his insolent + expressions when they parted, and of shutting him out still more + effectually from any hope of reconciliation with his grandfather, Mr + Pecksniff was much too meek and forgiving to be suspected of harbouring + it. As to being refused by Mary, Mr Pecksniff was quite satisfied that in + her position she could never hold out if he and Mr Chuzzlewit were both + against her. As to consulting the wishes of her heart in such a case, it + formed no part of Mr Pecksniff’s moral code; for he knew what a good man + he was, and what a blessing he must be to anybody. His daughter having + broken the ice, and the murder being out between them, Mr Pecksniff had + now only to pursue his design as cleverly as he could, and by the + craftiest approaches. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, my good sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, meeting old Martin in the garden, + for it was his habit to walk in and out by that way, as the fancy took + him; ‘and how is my dear friend this delicious morning?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean me?’ asked the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘one of his deaf days, I see. Could I mean any + one else, my dear sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You might have meant Mary,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed I might. Quite true. I might speak of her as a dear, dear friend, + I hope?’ observed Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope so,’ returned old Martin. ‘I think she deserves it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Think!’ cried Pecksniff, ‘think, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are speaking, I know,’ returned Martin, ‘but I don’t catch what you + say. Speak up!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s getting deafer than a flint,’ said Pecksniff. ‘I was saying, my dear + sir, that I am afraid I must make up my mind to part with Cherry.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What has <i>she </i>been doing?’ asked the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘He puts the most ridiculous questions I ever heard!’ muttered Mr + Pecksniff. ‘He’s a child to-day.’ After which he added, in a mild roar: + ‘She hasn’t been doing anything, my dear friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you going to part with her for?’ demanded Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘She hasn’t her health by any means,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘She misses her + sister, my dear sir; they doted on each other from the cradle. And I think + of giving her a run in London for a change. A good long run, sir, if I + find she likes it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite right,’ cried Martin. ‘It’s judicious.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad to hear you say so. I hope you mean to bear me company in this + dull part, while she’s away?’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have no intention of removing from it,’ was Martin’s answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then why,’ said Mr Pecksniff, taking the old man’s arm in his, and + walking slowly on; ‘Why, my good sir, can’t you come and stay with me? I + am sure I could surround you with more comforts—lowly as is my Cot—than + you can obtain at a village house of entertainment. And pardon me, Mr + Chuzzlewit, pardon me if I say that such a place as the Dragon, however + well-conducted (and, as far as I know, Mrs Lupin is one of the worthiest + creatures in this county), is hardly a home for Miss Graham.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin mused a moment; and then said, as he shook him by the hand: + </p> + <p> + ‘No. You’re quite right; it is not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The very sight of skittles,’ Mr Pecksniff eloquently pursued, ‘is far + from being congenial to a delicate mind.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s an amusement of the vulgar,’ said old Martin, ‘certainly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of the very vulgar,’ Mr Pecksniff answered. ‘Then why not bring Miss + Graham here, sir? Here is the house. Here am I alone in it, for Thomas + Pinch I do not count as any one. Our lovely friend shall occupy my + daughter’s chamber; you shall choose your own; we shall not quarrel, I + hope!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are not likely to do that,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff pressed his hand. ‘We understand each other, my dear sir, I + see!—I can wind him,’ he thought, with exultation, ‘round my little + finger.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You leave the recompense to me?’ said the old man, after a minute’s + silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! do not speak of recompense!’ cried Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say,’ repeated Martin, with a glimmer of his old obstinacy, ‘you leave + the recompense to me. Do you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Since you desire it, my good sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I always desire it,’ said the old man. ‘You know I always desire it. I + wish to pay as I go, even when I buy of you. Not that I do not leave a + balance to be settled one day, Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The architect was too much overcome to speak. He tried to drop a tear upon + his patron’s hand, but couldn’t find one in his dry distillery. + </p> + <p> + ‘May that day be very distant!’ was his pious exclamation. ‘Ah, sir! If I + could say how deep an interest I have in you and yours! I allude to our + beautiful young friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘True,’ he answered. ‘True. She need have some one interested in her. I + did her wrong to train her as I did. Orphan though she was, she would have + found some one to protect her whom she might have loved again. When she + was a child, I pleased myself with the thought that in gratifying my whim + of placing her between me and false-hearted knaves, I had done her a + kindness. Now she is a woman, I have no such comfort. She has no protector + but herself. I have put her at such odds with the world, that any dog may + bark or fawn upon her at his pleasure. Indeed she stands in need of + delicate consideration. Yes; indeed she does!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If her position could be altered and defined, sir?’ Mr Pecksniff hinted. + </p> + <p> + ‘How can that be done? Should I make a seamstress of her, or a governess?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Heaven forbid!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘My dear sir, there are other ways. + There are indeed. But I am much excited and embarrassed at present, and + would rather not pursue the subject. I scarcely know what I mean. Permit + me to resume it at another time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not unwell?’ asked Martin anxiously. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no!’ cried Pecksniff. ‘No. Permit me to resume it at another time. + I’ll walk a little. Bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + Old Martin blessed him in return, and squeezed his hand. As he turned + away, and slowly walked towards the house, Mr Pecksniff stood gazing after + him; being pretty well recovered from his late emotion, which, in any + other man, one might have thought had been assumed as a machinery for + feeling Martin’s pulse. The change in the old man found such a slight + expression in his figure, that Mr Pecksniff, looking after him, could not + help saying to himself: + </p> + <p> + ‘And I can wind him round my little finger! Only think!’ + </p> + <p> + Old Martin happening to turn his head, saluted him affectionately. Mr + Pecksniff returned the gesture. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, the time was,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘and not long ago, when he + wouldn’t look at me! How soothing is this change. Such is the delicate + texture of the human heart; so complicated is the process of its being + softened! Externally he looks the same, and I can wind him round my little + finger. Only think!’ + </p> + <p> + In sober truth, there did appear to be nothing on which Mr Pecksniff might + not have ventured with Martin Chuzzlewit; for whatever Mr Pecksniff said + or did was right, and whatever he advised was done. Martin had escaped so + many snares from needy fortune-hunters, and had withered in the shell of + his suspicion and distrust for so many years, but to become the good man’s + tool and plaything. With the happiness of this conviction painted on his + face, the architect went forth upon his morning walk. + </p> + <p> + The summer weather in his bosom was reflected in the breast of Nature. + Through deep green vistas where the boughs arched overhead, and showed the + sunlight flashing in the beautiful perspective; through dewy fern from + which the startled hares leaped up, and fled at his approach; by mantled + pools, and fallen trees, and down in hollow places, rustling among last + year’s leaves whose scent woke memory of the past; the placid Pecksniff + strolled. By meadow gates and hedges fragrant with wild roses; and by + thatched-roof cottages whose inmates humbly bowed before him as a man both + good and wise; the worthy Pecksniff walked in tranquil meditation. The bee + passed onward, humming of the work he had to do; the idle gnats for ever + going round and round in one contracting and expanding ring, yet always + going on as fast as he, danced merrily before him; the colour of the long + grass came and went, as if the light clouds made it timid as they floated + through the distant air. The birds, so many Pecksniff consciences, sang + gayly upon every branch; and Mr Pecksniff paid <i>his </i>homage to the day by + ruminating on his projects as he walked along. + </p> + <p> + Chancing to trip, in his abstraction, over the spreading root of an old + tree, he raised his pious eyes to take a survey of the ground before him. + It startled him to see the embodied image of his thoughts not far ahead. + Mary herself. And alone. + </p> + <p> + At first Mr Pecksniff stopped as if with the intention of avoiding her; + but his next impulse was to advance, which he did at a brisk pace; + caroling as he went so sweetly and with so much innocence that he only + wanted feathers and wings to be a bird. + </p> + <p> + Hearing notes behind her, not belonging to the songsters of the grove, she + looked round. Mr Pecksniff kissed his hand, and was at her side + immediately. + </p> + <p> + ‘Communing with nature?’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘So am I.’ + </p> + <p> + She said the morning was so beautiful that she had walked further than she + intended, and would return. Mr Pecksniff said it was exactly his case, and + he would return with her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Take my arm, sweet girl,’ said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + Mary declined it, and walked so very fast that he remonstrated. ‘You were + loitering when I came upon you,’ Mr Pecksniff said. ‘Why be so cruel as to + hurry now? You would not shun me, would you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I would,’ she answered, turning her glowing cheek indignantly upon + him, ‘you know I would. Release me, Mr Pecksniff. Your touch is + disagreeable to me.’ + </p> + <p> + His touch! What? That chaste patriarchal touch which Mrs Todgers—surely + a discreet lady—had endured, not only without complaint, but with + apparent satisfaction! This was positively wrong. Mr Pecksniff was sorry + to hear her say it. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you have not observed,’ said Mary, ‘that it is so, pray take assurance + from my lips, and do not, as you are a gentleman, continue to offend me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well!’ said Mr Pecksniff, mildly, ‘I feel that I might consider + this becoming in a daughter of my own, and why should I object to it in + one so beautiful! It’s harsh. It cuts me to the soul,’ said Mr Pecksniff; + ‘but I cannot quarrel with you, Mary.’ + </p> + <p> + She tried to say she was sorry to hear it, but burst into tears. Mr + Pecksniff now repeated the Todgers performance on a comfortable scale, as + if he intended it to last some time; and in his disengaged hand, catching + hers, employed himself in separating the fingers with his own, and + sometimes kissing them, as he pursued the conversation thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad we met. I am very glad we met. I am able now to ease my bosom + of a heavy load, and speak to you in confidence. Mary,’ said Mr Pecksniff + in his tenderest tones, indeed they were so very tender that he almost + squeaked: ‘My soul! I love you!’ + </p> + <p> + A fantastic thing, that maiden affectation! She made believe to shudder. + </p> + <p> + ‘I love you,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘my gentle life, with a devotion which is + quite surprising, even to myself. I did suppose that the sensation was + buried in the silent tomb of a lady, only second to you in qualities of + the mind and form; but I find I am mistaken.’ + </p> + <p> + She tried to disengage her hand, but might as well have tried to free + herself from the embrace of an affectionate boa-constrictor; if anything + so wily may be brought into comparison with Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Although I am a widower,’ said Mr Pecksniff, examining the rings upon her + fingers, and tracing the course of one delicate blue vein with his fat + thumb, ‘a widower with two daughters, still I am not encumbered, my love. + One of them, as you know, is married. The other, by her own desire, but + with a view, I will confess—why not?—to my altering my + condition, is about to leave her father’s house. I have a character, I + hope. People are pleased to speak well of me, I think. My person and + manner are not absolutely those of a monster, I trust. Ah! naughty Hand!’ + said Mr Pecksniff, apostrophizing the reluctant prize, ‘why did you take + me prisoner? Go, go!’ + </p> + <p> + He slapped the hand to punish it; but relenting, folded it in his + waistcoat to comfort it again. + </p> + <p> + ‘Blessed in each other, and in the society of our venerable friend, my + darling,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘we shall be happy. When he is wafted to a + haven of rest, we will console each other. My pretty primrose, what do you + say?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is possible,’ Mary answered, in a hurried manner, ‘that I ought to + feel grateful for this mark of your confidence. I cannot say that I do, + but I am willing to suppose you may deserve my thanks. Take them; and pray + leave me, Mr Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The good man smiled a greasy smile; and drew her closer to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, pray release me, Mr Pecksniff. I cannot listen to your proposal. I + cannot receive it. There are many to whom it may be acceptable, but it is + not so to me. As an act of kindness and an act of pity, leave me!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff walked on with his arm round her waist, and her hand in his, + as contentedly as if they had been all in all to each other, and were + joined in the bonds of truest love. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you force me by your superior strength,’ said Mary, who finding that + good words had not the least effect upon him, made no further effort to + suppress her indignation; ‘if you force me by your superior strength to + accompany you back, and to be the subject of your insolence upon the way, + you cannot constrain the expression of my thoughts. I hold you in the + deepest abhorrence. I know your real nature and despise it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Mr Pecksniff, sweetly. ‘No, no, no!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By what arts or unhappy chances you have gained your influence over Mr + Chuzzlewit, I do not know,’ said Mary; ‘it may be strong enough to soften + even this, but he shall know of this, trust me, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff raised his heavy eyelids languidly, and let them fall again. + It was saying with perfect coolness, ‘Aye, aye! Indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it not enough,’ said Mary, ‘that you warp and change his nature, adapt + his every prejudice to your bad ends, and harden a heart naturally kind by + shutting out the truth and allowing none but false and distorted views to + reach it; is it not enough that you have the power of doing this, and that + you exercise it, but must you also be so coarse, so cruel, and so cowardly + to me?’ + </p> + <p> + Still Mr Pecksniff led her calmly on, and looked as mild as any lamb that + ever pastured in the fields. + </p> + <p> + ‘Will nothing move you, sir?’ cried Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ observed Mr Pecksniff, with a placid leer, ‘a habit of + self-examination, and the practice of—shall I say of virtue?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of hypocrisy,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ resumed Mr Pecksniff, chafing the captive hand reproachfully, + ‘of virtue—have enabled me to set such guards upon myself, that it + is really difficult to ruffle me. It is a curious fact, but it is + difficult, do you know, for any one to ruffle me. And did she think,’ said + Mr Pecksniff, with a playful tightening of his grasp ‘that <i>she </i>could! How + little did she know his heart!’ + </p> + <p> + Little, indeed! Her mind was so strangely constituted that she would have + preferred the caresses of a toad, an adder, or a serpent—nay, the + hug of a bear—to the endearments of Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, come,’ said that good gentleman, ‘a word or two will set this + matter right, and establish a pleasant understanding between us. I am not + angry, my love.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>You </i>angry!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I am not. I say so. Neither are you.’ + </p> + <p> + There was a beating heart beneath his hand that told another story though. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure you are not,’ said Mr Pecksniff: ‘and I will tell you why. + There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my dear; and your carrying your anger to + one might have a serious effect—who knows!—upon the other. You + wouldn’t wish to hurt him, would you?’ + </p> + <p> + She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain that + he turned his eyes away. No doubt lest he should be offended with her in + spite of his better self. + </p> + <p> + ‘A passive quarrel, my love,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘may be changed into an + active one, remember. It would be sad to blight even a disinherited young + man in his already blighted prospects; but how easy to do it. Ah, how + easy! <i>Have </i>I influence with our venerable friend, do you think? Well, + perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.’ + </p> + <p> + He raised his eyes to hers; and nodded with an air of banter that was + charming. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ he continued, thoughtfully. ‘Upon the whole, my sweet, if I were you + I’d keep my secret to myself. I am not at all sure—very far from it—that + it would surprise our friend in any way, for he and I have had some + conversation together only this morning, and he is anxious, very anxious, + to establish you in some more settled manner. But whether he was surprised + or not surprised, the consequence of your imparting it might be the same. + Martin junior might suffer severely. I’d have compassion on Martin junior, + do you know?’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a persuasive smile. ‘Yes. He don’t + deserve it, but I would.’ + </p> + <p> + She wept so bitterly now, and was so much distressed, that he thought it + prudent to unclasp her waist, and hold her only by the hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘As to our own share in the precious little mystery,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + ‘we will keep it to ourselves, and talk of it between ourselves, and you + shall think it over. You will consent, my love; you will consent, I know. + Whatever you may think; you will. I seem to remember to have heard—I + really don’t know where, or how’—he added, with bewitching + frankness, ‘that you and Martin junior, when you were children, had a sort + of childish fondness for each other. When we are married, you shall have + the satisfaction of thinking that it didn’t last to ruin him, but passed + away to do him good; for we’ll see then what we can do to put some + trifling help in Martin junior’s way. <i>Have </i>I any influence with our + venerable friend? Well! Perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.’ + </p> + <p> + The outlet from the wood in which these tender passages occurred, was + close to Mr Pecksniff’s house. They were now so near it that he stopped, + and holding up her little finger, said in playful accents, as a parting + fancy: + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I bite it?’ + </p> + <p> + Receiving no reply he kissed it instead; and then stooping down, inclined + his flabby face to hers—he had a flabby face, although he <i>was </i>a good + man—and with a blessing, which from such a source was quite enough + to set her up in life, and prosper her from that time forth permitted her + to leave him. + </p> + <p> + Gallantry in its true sense is supposed to ennoble and dignify a man; and + love has shed refinements on innumerable Cymons. But Mr Pecksniff—perhaps + because to one of his exalted nature these were mere grossnesses—certainly + did not appear to any unusual advantage, now that he was left alone. On + the contrary, he seemed to be shrunk and reduced; to be trying to hide + himself within himself; and to be wretched at not having the power to do + it. His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair + looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his exposed throat looked + as if a halter would have done it good. For a minute or two, in fact, he + was hot, and pale, and mean, and shy, and slinking, and consequently not + at all Pecksniffian. But after that, he recovered himself, and went home + with as beneficent an air as if he had been the High Priest of the summer + weather. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have arranged to go, Papa,’ said Charity, ‘to-morrow.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So soon, my child!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t go too soon,’ said Charity, ‘under the circumstances. I have + written to Mrs Todgers to propose an arrangement, and have requested her + to meet me at the coach, at all events. You’ll be quite your own master + now, Mr Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had just gone out of the room, and Tom had just come into it. + </p> + <p> + ‘My own master!’ repeated Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, you’ll have nobody to interfere with you,’ said Charity. ‘At least I + hope you won’t. Hem! It’s a changing world.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What! are <i>you </i>going to be married, Miss Pecksniff?’ asked Tom in great + surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not exactly,’ faltered Cherry. ‘I haven’t made up my mind to be. I + believe I could be, if I chose, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course you could!’ said Tom. And he said it in perfect good faith. He + believed it from the bottom of his heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Cherry, ‘I am not going to be married. Nobody is, that I know + of. Hem! But I am not going to live with Papa. I have my reasons, but it’s + all a secret. I shall always feel very kindly towards you, I assure you, + for the boldness you showed that night. As to you and me, Mr Pinch, <i>we</i> + part the best friends possible!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom thanked her for her confidence, and for her friendship, but there was + a mystery in the former which perfectly bewildered him. In his extravagant + devotion to the family, he had felt the loss of Merry more than any one + but those who knew that for all the slights he underwent he thought his + own demerits were to blame, could possibly have understood. He had + scarcely reconciled himself to that when here was Charity about to leave + them. She had grown up, as it were, under Tom’s eye. The sisters were a + part of Pecksniff, and a part of Tom; items in Pecksniff’s goodness, and + in Tom’s service. He couldn’t bear it; not two hours’ sleep had Tom that + night, through dwelling in his bed upon these dreadful changes. + </p> + <p> + When morning dawned he thought he must have dreamed this piece of + ambiguity; but no, on going downstairs he found them packing trunks and + cording boxes, and making other preparations for Miss Charity’s departure, + which lasted all day long. In good time for the evening coach, Miss + Charity deposited her housekeeping keys with much ceremony upon the + parlour table; took a gracious leave of all the house; and quitted her + paternal roof—a blessing for which the Pecksniffian servant was + observed by some profane persons to be particularly active in the + thanksgiving at church next Sunday. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0031" id="link2HCH0031"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE + </h2> + <p> + MR PINCH IS DISCHARGED OF A DUTY WHICH HE NEVER OWED TO ANYBODY, AND MR + PECKSNIFF DISCHARGES A DUTY WHICH HE OWES TO SOCIETY + </p> + <p> + The closing words of the last chapter lead naturally to the commencement + of this, its successor; for it has to do with a church. With the church, + so often mentioned heretofore, in which Tom Pinch played the organ for + nothing. + </p> + <p> + One sultry afternoon, about a week after Miss Charity’s departure for + London, Mr Pecksniff being out walking by himself, took it into his head + to stray into the churchyard. As he was lingering among the tombstones, + endeavouring to extract an available sentiment or two from the epitaphs—for + he never lost an opportunity of making up a few moral crackers, to be let + off as occasion served—Tom Pinch began to practice. Tom could run + down to the church and do so whenever he had time to spare; for it was a + simple little organ, provided with wind by the action of the musician’s + feet; and he was independent, even of a bellows-blower. Though if Tom had + wanted one at any time, there was not a man or boy in all the village, and + away to the turnpike (tollman included), but would have blown away for him + till he was black in the face. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had no objection to music; not the least. He was tolerant of + everything; he often said so. He considered it a vagabond kind of + trifling, in general, just suited to Tom’s capacity. But in regard to + Tom’s performance upon this same organ, he was remarkably lenient, + singularly amiable; for when Tom played it on Sundays, Mr Pecksniff in his + unbounded sympathy felt as if he played it himself, and were a benefactor + to the congregation. So whenever it was impossible to devise any other + means of taking the value of Tom’s wages out of him, Mr Pecksniff gave him + leave to cultivate this instrument. For which mark of his consideration + Tom was very grateful. + </p> + <p> + The afternoon was remarkably warm, and Mr Pecksniff had been strolling a + long way. He had not what may be called a fine ear for music, but he knew + when it had a tranquilizing influence on his soul; and that was the case + now, for it sounded to him like a melodious snore. He approached the + church, and looking through the diamond lattice of a window near the + porch, saw Tom, with the curtains in the loft drawn back, playing away + with great expression and tenderness. + </p> + <p> + The church had an inviting air of coolness. The old oak roof supported by + cross-beams, the hoary walls, the marble tablets, and the cracked stone + pavement, were refreshing to look at. There were leaves of ivy tapping + gently at the opposite windows; and the sun poured in through only one; + leaving the body of the church in tempting shade. But the most tempting + spot of all, was one red-curtained and soft-cushioned pew, wherein the + official dignitaries of the place (of whom Mr Pecksniff was the head and + chief) enshrined themselves on Sundays. Mr Pecksniff’s seat was in the + corner; a remarkably comfortable corner; where his very large Prayer-Book + was at that minute making the most of its quarto self upon the desk. He + determined to go in and rest. + </p> + <p> + He entered very softly; in part because it was a church; in part because + his tread was always soft; in part because Tom played a solemn tune; in + part because he thought he would surprise him when he stopped. Unbolting + the door of the high pew of state, he glided in and shut it after him; + then sitting in his usual place, and stretching out his legs upon the + hassocks, he composed himself to listen to the music. + </p> + <p> + It is an unaccountable circumstance that he should have felt drowsy there, + where the force of association might surely have been enough to keep him + wide awake; but he did. He had not been in the snug little corner five + minutes before he began to nod. He had not recovered himself one minute + before he began to nod again. In the very act of opening his eyes + indolently, he nodded again. In the very act of shutting them, he nodded + again. So he fell out of one nod into another until at last he ceased to + nod at all, and was as fast as the church itself. + </p> + <p> + He had a consciousness of the organ, long after he fell asleep, though as + to its being an organ he had no more idea of that than he had of its being + a bull. After a while he began to have at intervals the same dreamy + impressions of voices; and awakening to an indolent curiosity upon the + subject, opened his eyes. + </p> + <p> + He was so indolent, that after glancing at the hassocks and the pew, he + was already half-way off to sleep again, when it occurred to him that + there really were voices in the church; low voices, talking earnestly hard + by; while the echoes seemed to mutter responses. He roused himself, and + listened. + </p> + <p> + Before he had listened half a dozen seconds, he became as broad awake as + ever he had been in all his life. With eyes, and ears, and mouth, wide + open, he moved himself a very little with the utmost caution, and + gathering the curtain in his hand, peeped out. + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch and Mary. Of course. He had recognized their voices, and already + knew the topic they discussed. Looking like the small end of a guillotined + man, with his chin on a level with the top of the pew, so that he might + duck down immediately in case of either of them turning round, he + listened. Listened with such concentrated eagerness, that his very hair + and shirt-collar stood bristling up to help him. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ cried Tom. ‘No letters have ever reached me, except that one from + New York. But don’t be uneasy on that account, for it’s very likely they + have gone away to some far-off place, where the posts are neither regular + nor frequent. He said in that very letter that it might be so, even in + that city to which they thought of travelling—Eden, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is a great weight upon my mind,’ said Mary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, but you mustn’t let it be,’ said Tom. ‘There’s a true saying that + nothing travels so fast as ill news; and if the slightest harm had + happened to Martin, you may be sure you would have heard of it long ago. I + have often wished to say this to you,’ Tom continued with an embarrassment + that became him very well, ‘but you have never given me an opportunity.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have sometimes been almost afraid,’ said Mary, ‘that you might suppose + I hesitated to confide in you, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ Tom stammered, ‘I—I am not aware that I ever supposed that. I + am sure that if I have, I have checked the thought directly, as an + injustice to you. I feel the delicacy of your situation in having to + confide in me at all,’ said Tom, ‘but I would risk my life to save you + from one day’s uneasiness; indeed I would!’ + </p> + <p> + Poor Tom! + </p> + <p> + ‘I have dreaded sometimes,’ Tom continued, ‘that I might have displeased + you by—by having the boldness to try and anticipate your wishes now + and then. At other times I have fancied that your kindness prompted you to + keep aloof from me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was very foolish; very presumptuous and ridiculous, to think so,’ Tom + pursued; ‘but I feared you might suppose it possible that I—I—should + admire you too much for my own peace; and so denied yourself the slight + assistance you would otherwise have accepted from me. If such an idea has + ever presented itself to you,’ faltered Tom, ‘pray dismiss it. I am easily + made happy; and I shall live contented here long after you and Martin have + forgotten me. I am a poor, shy, awkward creature; not at all a man of the + world; and you should think no more of me, bless you, than if I were an + old friar!’ + </p> + <p> + If friars bear such hearts as thine, Tom, let friars multiply; though they + have no such rule in all their stern arithmetic. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Mr Pinch!’ said Mary, giving him her hand; ‘I cannot tell you how + your kindness moves me. I have never wronged you by the lightest doubt, + and have never for an instant ceased to feel that you were all—much + more than all—that Martin found you. Without the silent care and + friendship I have experienced from you, my life here would have been + unhappy. But you have been a good angel to me; filling me with gratitude + of heart, hope, and courage.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am as little like an angel, I am afraid,’ replied Tom, shaking his + head, ‘as any stone cherubim among the grave-stones; and I don’t think + there are many real angels of <i>that </i>pattern. But I should like to know (if + you will tell me) why you have been so very silent about Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Because I have been afraid,’ said Mary, ‘of injuring you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of injuring me!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of doing you an injury with your employer.’ + </p> + <p> + The gentleman in question dived. + </p> + <p> + ‘With Pecksniff!’ rejoined Tom, with cheerful confidence. ‘Oh dear, he’d + never think of us! He’s the best of men. The more at ease you were, the + happier he would be. Oh dear, you needn’t be afraid of Pecksniff. He is + not a spy.’ + </p> + <p> + Many a man in Mr Pecksniff’s place, if he could have dived through the + floor of the pew of state and come out at Calcutta or any inhabited region + on the other side of the earth, would have done it instantly. Mr Pecksniff + sat down upon a hassock, and listening more attentively than ever, smiled. + </p> + <p> + Mary seemed to have expressed some dissent in the meanwhile, for Tom went + on to say, with honest energy: + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I don’t know how it is, but it always happens, whenever I express + myself in this way to anybody almost, that I find they won’t do justice to + Pecksniff. It is one of the most extraordinary circumstances that ever + came within my knowledge, but it is so. There’s John Westlock, who used to + be a pupil here, one of the best-hearted young men in the world, in all + other matters—I really believe John would have Pecksniff flogged at + the cart’s tail if he could. And John is not a solitary case, for every + pupil we have had in my time has gone away with the same inveterate hatred + of him. There was Mark Tapley, too, quite in another station of life,’ + said Tom; ‘the mockery he used to make of Pecksniff when he was at the + Dragon was shocking. Martin too: Martin was worse than any of ‘em. But I + forgot. He prepared you to dislike Pecksniff, of course. So you came with + a prejudice, you know, Miss Graham, and are not a fair witness.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom triumphed very much in this discovery, and rubbed his hands with great + satisfaction. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ said Mary, ‘you mistake him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no!’ cried Tom. ‘<i>You </i>mistake him. But,’ he added, with a rapid change + in his tone, ‘what is the matter? Miss Graham, what is the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff brought up to the top of the pew, by slow degrees, his hair, + his forehead, his eyebrow, his eye. She was sitting on a bench beside the + door with her hands before her face; and Tom was bending over her. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the matter?’ cried Tom. ‘Have I said anything to hurt you? Has + any one said anything to hurt you? Don’t cry. Pray tell me what it is. I + cannot bear to see you so distressed. Mercy on us, I never was so + surprised and grieved in all my life!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff kept his eye in the same place. He could have moved it now + for nothing short of a gimlet or a red-hot wire. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t have told you, Mr Pinch,’ said Mary, ‘if I could have helped + it; but your delusion is so absorbing, and it is so necessary that we + should be upon our guard; that you should not be compromised; and to that + end that you should know by whom I am beset; that no alternative is left + me. I came here purposely to tell you, but I think I should have wanted + courage if you had not chanced to lead me so directly to the object of my + coming.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom gazed at her steadfastly, and seemed to say, ‘What else?’ But he said + not a word. + </p> + <p> + ‘That person whom you think the best of men,’ said Mary, looking up, and + speaking with a quivering lip and flashing eye. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless me!’ muttered Tom, staggering back. ‘Wait a moment. That + person whom I think the best of men! You mean Pecksniff, of course. Yes, I + see you mean Pecksniff. Good gracious me, don’t speak without authority. + What has he done? If he is not the best of men, what is he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The worst. The falsest, craftiest, meanest, cruellest, most sordid, most + shameless,’ said the trembling girl—trembling with her indignation. + </p> + <p> + Tom sat down on a seat, and clasped his hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is he,’ said Mary, ‘who receiving me in his house as his guest; his + unwilling guest; knowing my history, and how defenceless and alone I am, + presumes before his daughters to affront me so, that if I had a brother + but a child, who saw it, he would instinctively have helped me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is a scoundrel!’ exclaimed Tom. ‘Whoever he may be, he is a + scoundrel.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff dived again. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is he,’ said Mary, ‘who, when my only friend—a dear and kind + one, too—was in full health of mind, humbled himself before him, but + was spurned away (for he knew him then) like a dog. Who, in his forgiving + spirit, now that that friend is sunk into a failing state, can crawl about + him again, and use the influence he basely gains for every base and wicked + purpose, and not for one—not one—that’s true or good?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I say he is a scoundrel!’ answered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘But what is he—oh, Mr Pinch, what <i>is</i> he—who, thinking he + could compass these designs the better if I were his wife, assails me with + the coward’s argument that if I marry him, Martin, on whom I have brought + so much misfortune, shall be restored to something of his former hopes; + and if I do not, shall be plunged in deeper ruin? What is he who makes my + very constancy to one I love with all my heart a torture to myself and + wrong to him; who makes me, do what I will, the instrument to hurt a head + I would heap blessings on! What is he who, winding all these cruel snares + about me, explains their purpose to me, with a smooth tongue and a smiling + face, in the broad light of day; dragging me on, the while, in his + embrace, and holding to his lips a hand,’ pursued the agitated girl, + extending it, ‘which I would have struck off, if with it I could lose the + shame and degradation of his touch?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I say,’ cried Tom, in great excitement, ‘he is a scoundrel and a villain! + I don’t care who he is, I say he is a double-dyed and most intolerable + villain!’ + </p> + <p> + Covering her face with her hands again, as if the passion which had + sustained her through these disclosures lost itself in an overwhelming + sense of shame and grief, she abandoned herself to tears. + </p> + <p> + Any sight of distress was sure to move the tenderness of Tom, but this + especially. Tears and sobs from her were arrows in his heart. He tried to + comfort her; sat down beside her; expended all his store of homely + eloquence; and spoke in words of praise and hope of Martin. Aye, though he + loved her from his soul with such a self-denying love as woman seldom + wins; he spoke from first to last of Martin. Not the wealth of the rich + Indies would have tempted Tom to shirk one mention of her lover’s name. + </p> + <p> + When she was more composed, she impressed upon Tom that this man she had + described, was Pecksniff in his real colours; and word by word and phrase + by phrase, as well as she remembered it, related what had passed between + them in the wood: which was no doubt a source of high gratification to + that gentleman himself, who in his desire to see and his dread of being + seen, was constantly diving down into the state pew, and coming up again + like the intelligent householder in Punch’s Show, who avoids being knocked + on the head with a cudgel. When she had concluded her account, and had + besought Tom to be very distant and unconscious in his manner towards her + after this explanation, and had thanked him very much, they parted on the + alarm of footsteps in the burial-ground; and Tom was left alone in the + church again. + </p> + <p> + And now the full agitation and misery of the disclosure came rushing upon + Tom indeed. The star of his whole life from boyhood had become, in a + moment, putrid vapour. It was not that Pecksniff, Tom’s Pecksniff, had + ceased to exist, but that he never had existed. In his death Tom would + have had the comfort of remembering what he used to be, but in this + discovery, he had the anguish of recollecting what he never was. For, as + Tom’s blindness in this matter had been total and not partial, so was his + restored sight. <i>His </i>Pecksniff could never have worked the wickedness of + which he had just now heard, but any other Pecksniff could; and the + Pecksniff who could do that could do anything, and no doubt had been doing + anything and everything except the right thing, all through his career. + From the lofty height on which poor Tom had placed his idol it was tumbled + down headlong, and + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Not all the king’s horses, nor all the king’s men, + Could have set Mr Pecksniff up again. +</pre> + <p> + Legions of Titans couldn’t have got him out of the mud; and serve him + right! But it was not he who suffered; it was Tom. His compass was broken, + his chart destroyed, his chronometer had stopped, his masts were gone by + the board; his anchor was adrift, ten thousand leagues away. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff watched him with a lively interest, for he divined the + purpose of Tom’s ruminations, and was curious to see how he conducted + himself. For some time, Tom wandered up and down the aisle like a man + demented, stopping occasionally to lean against a pew and think it over; + then he stood staring at a blank old monument bordered tastefully with + skulls and cross-bones, as if it were the finest work of Art he had ever + seen, although at other times he held it in unspeakable contempt; then he + sat down; then walked to and fro again; then went wandering up into the + organ-loft, and touched the keys. But their minstrelsy was changed, their + music gone; and sounding one long melancholy chord, Tom drooped his head + upon his hands and gave it up as hopeless. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t have cared,’ said Tom Pinch, rising from his stool and looking + down into the church as if he had been the Clergyman, ‘I wouldn’t have + cared for anything he might have done to Me, for I have tried his patience + often, and have lived upon his sufferance and have never been the help to + him that others could have been. I wouldn’t have minded, Pecksniff,’ Tom + continued, little thinking who heard him, ‘if you had done Me any wrong; I + could have found plenty of excuses for that; and though you might have + hurt me, could have still gone on respecting you. But why did you ever + fall so low as this in my esteem! Oh Pecksniff, Pecksniff, there is + nothing I would not have given, to have had you deserve my old opinion of + you; nothing!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff sat upon the hassock pulling up his shirt-collar, while Tom, + touched to the quick, delivered this apostrophe. After a pause he heard + Tom coming down the stairs, jingling the church keys; and bringing his eye + to the top of the pew again, saw him go slowly out and lock the door. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff durst not issue from his place of concealment; for through + the windows of the church he saw Tom passing on among the graves, and + sometimes stopping at a stone, and leaning there as if he were a mourner + who had lost a friend. Even when he had left the churchyard, Mr Pecksniff + still remained shut up; not being at all secure but that in his restless + state of mind Tom might come wandering back. At length he issued forth, + and walked with a pleasant countenance into the vestry; where he knew + there was a window near the ground, by which he could release himself by + merely stepping out. + </p> + <p> + He was in a curious frame of mind, Mr Pecksniff; being in no hurry to go, + but rather inclining to a dilatory trifling with the time, which prompted + him to open the vestry cupboard, and look at himself in the parson’s + little glass that hung within the door. Seeing that his hair was rumpled, + he took the liberty of borrowing the canonical brush and arranging it. He + also took the liberty of opening another cupboard; but he shut it up again + quickly, being rather startled by the sight of a black and a white + surplice dangling against the wall; which had very much the appearance of + two curates who had committed suicide by hanging themselves. Remembering + that he had seen in the first cupboard a port-wine bottle and some + biscuits, he peeped into it again, and helped himself with much + deliberation; cogitating all the time though, in a very deep and weighty + manner, as if his thoughts were otherwise employed. + </p> + <p> + He soon made up his mind, if it had ever been in doubt; and putting back + the bottle and biscuits, opened the casement. He got out into the + churchyard without any difficulty; shut the window after him; and walked + straight home. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is Mr Pinch indoors?’ asked Mr Pecksniff of his serving-maid. + </p> + <p> + ‘Just come in, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just come in, eh?’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, cheerfully. ‘And gone upstairs, + I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes sir. Gone upstairs. Shall I call him, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘no. You needn’t call him, Jane. Thank you, Jane. + How are your relations, Jane?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well, I thank you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad to hear it. Let them know I asked about them, Jane. Is Mr + Chuzzlewit in the way, Jane?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. He’s in the parlour, reading.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s in the parlour, reading, is he, Jane?’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Very + well. Then I think I’ll go and see him, Jane.’ + </p> + <p> + Never had Mr Pecksniff been beheld in a more pleasant humour! + </p> + <p> + But when he walked into the parlour where the old man was engaged as Jane + had said; with pen and ink and paper on a table close at hand (for Mr + Pecksniff was always very particular to have him well supplied with + writing materials), he became less cheerful. He was not angry, he was not + vindictive, he was not cross, he was not moody, but he was grieved; he was + sorely grieved. As he sat down by the old man’s side, two tears—not + tears like those with which recording angels blot their entries out, but + drops so precious that they use them for their ink—stole down his + meritorious cheeks. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the matter?’ asked old Martin. ‘Pecksniff, what ails you, man?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry to interrupt you, my dear sir, and I am still more sorry for + the cause. My good, my worthy friend, I am deceived.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are deceived!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, in an agony, ‘deceived in the tenderest point. + Cruelly deceived in that quarter, sir, in which I placed the most + unbounded confidence. Deceived, Mr Chuzzlewit, by Thomas Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! bad, bad, bad!’ said Martin, laying down his book. ‘Very bad! I hope + not. Are you certain?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certain, my good sir! My eyes and ears are witnesses. I wouldn’t have + believed it otherwise. I wouldn’t have believed it, Mr Chuzzlewit, if a + Fiery Serpent had proclaimed it from the top of Salisbury Cathedral. I + would have said,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, ‘that the Serpent lied. Such was my + faith in Thomas Pinch, that I would have cast the falsehood back into the + Serpent’s teeth, and would have taken Thomas to my heart. But I am not a + Serpent, sir, myself, I grieve to say, and no excuse or hope is left me.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was greatly disturbed to see him so much agitated, and to hear such + unexpected news. He begged him to compose himself, and asked upon what + subject Mr Pinch’s treachery had been developed. + </p> + <p> + ‘That is almost the worst of all, sir,’ Mr Pecksniff answered, ‘on a + subject nearly concerning <i>you</i>. Oh! is it not enough,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + looking upward, ‘that these blows must fall on me, but must they also hit + my friends!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You alarm me,’ cried the old man, changing colour. ‘I am not so strong as + I was. You terrify me, Pecksniff!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cheer up, my noble sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, taking courage, ‘and we will + do what is required of us. You shall know all, sir, and shall be righted. + But first excuse me, sir, excuse me. I have a duty to discharge, which I + owe to society.’ + </p> + <p> + He rang the bell, and Jane appeared. ‘Send Mr Pinch here, if you please, + Jane.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom came. Constrained and altered in his manner, downcast and dejected, + visibly confused; not liking to look Pecksniff in the face. + </p> + <p> + The honest man bestowed a glance on Mr Chuzzlewit, as who should say ‘You + see!’ and addressed himself to Tom in these terms: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch, I have left the vestry-window unfastened. Will you do me the + favour to go and secure it; then bring the keys of the sacred edifice to + me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The vestry-window, sir?’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘You understand me, Mr Pinch, I think,’ returned his patron. ‘Yes, Mr + Pinch, the vestry-window. I grieve to say that sleeping in the church + after a fatiguing ramble, I overheard just now some fragments,’ he + emphasised that word, ‘of a dialogue between two parties; and one of them + locking the church when he went out, I was obliged to leave it myself by + the vestry-window. Do me the favour to secure that vestry-window, Mr + Pinch, and then come back to me.’ + </p> + <p> + No physiognomist that ever dwelt on earth could have construed Tom’s face + when he heard these words. Wonder was in it, and a mild look of reproach, + but certainly no fear or guilt, although a host of strong emotions + struggled to display themselves. He bowed, and without saying one word, + good or bad, withdrew. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ cried Martin, in a tremble, ‘what does all this mean? You are + not going to do anything in haste, you may regret!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, my good sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, firmly, ‘No. But I have a duty to + discharge which I owe to society; and it shall be discharged, my friend, + at any cost!’ + </p> + <p> + Oh, late-remembered, much-forgotten, mouthing, braggart duty, always owed, + and seldom paid in any other coin than punishment and wrath, when will + mankind begin to know thee! When will men acknowledge thee in thy + neglected cradle, and thy stunted youth, and not begin their recognition + in thy sinful manhood and thy desolate old age! Oh, ermined Judge whose + duty to society is, now, to doom the ragged criminal to punishment and + death, hadst thou never, Man, a duty to discharge in barring up the + hundred open gates that wooed him to the felon’s dock, and throwing but + ajar the portals to a decent life! Oh, prelate, prelate, whose duty to + society it is to mourn in melancholy phrase the sad degeneracy of these + bad times in which thy lot of honours has been cast, did nothing go before + thy elevation to the lofty seat, from which thou dealest out thy homilies + to other tarriers for dead men’s shoes, whose duty to society has not + begun! Oh! magistrate, so rare a country gentleman and brave a squire, had + you no duty to society, before the ricks were blazing and the mob were + mad; or did it spring up, armed and booted from the earth, a corps of + yeomanry full-grown! + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff’s duty to society could not be paid till Tom came back. The + interval which preceded the return of that young man, he occupied in a + close conference with his friend; so that when Tom did arrive, he found + the two quite ready to receive him. Mary was in her own room above, + whither Mr Pecksniff, always considerate, had besought old Martin to + entreat her to remain some half-hour longer, that her feelings might be + spared. + </p> + <p> + When Tom came back, he found old Martin sitting by the window, and Mr + Pecksniff in an imposing attitude at the table. On one side of him was his + pocket-handkerchief; and on the other a little heap (a very little heap) + of gold and silver, and odd pence. Tom saw, at a glance, that it was his + own salary for the current quarter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you fastened the vestry-window, Mr Pinch?’ said Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you. Put down the keys if you please, Mr Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom placed them on the table. He held the bunch by the key of the + organ-loft (though it was one of the smallest), and looked hard at it as + he laid it down. It had been an old, old friend of Tom’s; a kind companion + to him, many and many a day. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, shaking his head; ‘oh, Mr Pinch! I wonder you + can look me in the face!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom did it though; and notwithstanding that he has been described as + stooping generally, he stood as upright then as man could stand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, taking up his handkerchief, as if he felt that + he should want it soon, ‘I will not dwell upon the past. I will spare you, + and I will spare myself, that pain at least.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s was not a very bright eye, but it was a very expressive one when he + looked at Mr Pecksniff, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, sir. I am very glad you will not refer to the past.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The present is enough,’ said Mr Pecksniff, dropping a penny, ‘and the + sooner <i>that </i>is past, the better. Mr Pinch, I will not dismiss you without + a word of explanation. Even such a course would be quite justifiable under + the circumstances; but it might wear an appearance of hurry, and I will + not do it; for I am,’ said Mr Pecksniff, knocking down another penny, + ‘perfectly self-possessed. Therefore I will say to you, what I have + already said to Mr Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom glanced at the old gentleman, who nodded now and then as approving of + Mr Pecksniff’s sentences and sentiments, but interposed between them in no + other way. + </p> + <p> + ‘From fragments of a conversation which I overheard in the church, just + now, Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff, ‘between yourself and Miss Graham—I + say fragments, because I was slumbering at a considerable distance from + you, when I was roused by your voices—and from what I saw, I + ascertained (I would have given a great deal not to have ascertained, Mr + Pinch) that you, forgetful of all ties of duty and of honour, sir; + regardless of the sacred laws of hospitality, to which you were pledged as + an inmate of this house; have presumed to address Miss Graham with + unreturned professions of attachment and proposals of love.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom looked at him steadily. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you deny it, sir?’ asked Mr Pecksniff, dropping one pound two and + fourpence, and making a great business of picking it up again. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, sir,’ replied Tom. ‘I do not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You do not,’ said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the old gentleman. ‘Oblige me + by counting this money, Mr Pinch, and putting your name to this receipt. + You do not?’ + </p> + <p> + No, Tom did not. He scorned to deny it. He saw that Mr Pecksniff having + overheard his own disgrace, cared not a jot for sinking lower yet in his + contempt. He saw that he had devised this fiction as the readiest means of + getting rid of him at once, but that it must end in that any way. He saw + that Mr Pecksniff reckoned on his not denying it, because his doing so and + explaining would incense the old man more than ever against Martin and + against Mary; while Pecksniff himself would only have been mistaken in his + ‘fragments.’ Deny it! No. + </p> + <p> + ‘You find the amount correct, do you, Mr Pinch?’ said Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite correct, sir,’ answered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘A person is waiting in the kitchen,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘to carry your + luggage wherever you please. We part, Mr Pinch, at once, and are strangers + from this time.’ + </p> + <p> + Something without a name; compassion, sorrow, old tenderness, mistaken + gratitude, habit; none of these, and yet all of them; smote upon Tom’s + gentle heart at parting. There was no such soul as Pecksniff’s in that + carcase; and yet, though his speaking out had not involved the compromise + of one he loved, he couldn’t have denounced the very shape and figure of + the man. Not even then. + </p> + <p> + ‘I will not say,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears, ‘what a blow this + is. I will not say how much it tries me; how it works upon my nature; how + it grates upon my feelings. I do not care for that. I can endure as well + as another man. But what I have to hope, and what you have to hope, Mr + Pinch (otherwise a great responsibility rests upon you), is, that this + deception may not alter my ideas of humanity; that it may not impair my + freshness, or contract, if I may use the expression, my Pinions. I hope it + will not; I don’t think it will. It may be a comfort to you, if not now, + at some future time, to know that I shall endeavour not to think the worse + of my fellow-creatures in general, for what has passed between us. + Farewell!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom had meant to spare him one little puncturation with a lancet, which he + had it in his power to administer, but he changed his mind on hearing + this, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘I think you left something in the church, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, Mr Pinch,’ said Pecksniff. ‘I am not aware that I did.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This is your double eye-glass, I believe?’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried Pecksniff, with some degree of confusion. ‘I am obliged to + you. Put it down, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I found it,’ said Tom, slowly—‘when I went to bolt the + vestry-window—in the pew.’ + </p> + <p> + So he had. Mr Pecksniff had taken it off when he was bobbing up and down, + lest it should strike against the panelling; and had forgotten it. Going + back to the church with his mind full of having been watched, and + wondering very much from what part, Tom’s attention was caught by the door + of the state pew standing open. Looking into it he found the glass. And + thus he knew, and by returning it gave Mr Pecksniff the information that + he knew, where the listener had been; and that instead of overhearing + fragments of the conversation, he must have rejoiced in every word of it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad he’s gone,’ said Martin, drawing a long breath when Tom had + left the room. + </p> + <p> + ‘It <i>is</i> a relief,’ assented Mr Pecksniff. ‘It is a great relief. But having + discharged—I hope with tolerable firmness—the duty which I + owed to society, I will now, my dear sir, if you will give me leave, + retire to shed a few tears in the back garden, as an humble individual.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom went upstairs; cleared his shelf of books; packed them up with his + music and an old fiddle in his trunk; got out his clothes (they were not + so many that they made his head ache); put them on the top of his books; + and went into the workroom for his case of instruments. There was a ragged + stool there, with the horsehair all sticking out of the top like a wig: a + very Beast of a stool in itself; on which he had taken up his daily seat, + year after year, during the whole period of his service. They had grown + older and shabbier in company. Pupils had served their time; seasons had + come and gone. Tom and the worn-out stool had held together through it + all. That part of the room was traditionally called ‘Tom’s Corner.’ It had + been assigned to him at first because of its being situated in a strong + draught, and a great way from the fire; and he had occupied it ever since. + There were portraits of him on the walls, with all his weak points + monstrously portrayed. Diabolical sentiments, foreign to his character, + were represented as issuing from his mouth in fat balloons. Every pupil + had added something, even unto fancy portraits of his father with one eye, + and of his mother with a disproportionate nose, and especially of his + sister; who always being presented as extremely beautiful, made full + amends to Tom for any other jokes. Under less uncommon circumstances, it + would have cut Tom to the heart to leave these things and think that he + saw them for the last time; but it didn’t now. There was no Pecksniff; + there never had been a Pecksniff; and all his other griefs were swallowed + up in that. + </p> + <p> + So, when he returned into the bedroom, and, having fastened his box and a + carpet-bag, put on his walking gaiters, and his great-coat, and his hat, + and taken his stick in his hand, looked round it for the last time. Early + on summer mornings, and by the light of private candle-ends on winter + nights, he had read himself half blind in this same room. He had tried in + this same room to learn the fiddle under the bedclothes, but yielding to + objections from the other pupils, had reluctantly abandoned the design. At + any other time he would have parted from it with a pang, thinking of all + he had learned there, of the many hours he had passed there; for the love + of his very dreams. But there was no Pecksniff; there never had been a + Pecksniff, and the unreality of Pecksniff extended itself to the chamber, + in which, sitting on one particular bed, the thing supposed to be that + Great Abstraction had often preached morality with such effect that Tom + had felt a moisture in his eyes, while hanging breathless on the words. + </p> + <p> + The man engaged to bear his box—Tom knew him well: a Dragon man—came + stamping up the stairs, and made a roughish bow to Tom (to whom in common + times he would have nodded with a grin) as though he were aware of what + had happened, and wished him to perceive it made no difference to <i>him</i>. It + was clumsily done; he was a mere waterer of horses; but Tom liked the man + for it, and felt it more than going away. + </p> + <p> + Tom would have helped him with the box, but he made no more of it, though + it was a heavy one, than an elephant would have made of a castle; just + swinging it on his back and bowling downstairs as if, being naturally a + heavy sort of fellow, he could carry a box infinitely better than he could + go alone. Tom took the carpet-bag, and went downstairs along with him. At + the outer door stood Jane, crying with all her might; and on the steps was + Mrs Lupin, sobbing bitterly, and putting out her hand for Tom to shake. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re coming to the Dragon, Mr Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tom, ‘no. I shall walk to Salisbury to-night. I couldn’t stay + here. For goodness’ sake, don’t make me so unhappy, Mrs Lupin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But you’ll come to the Dragon, Mr Pinch. If it’s only for tonight. To see + me, you know; not as a traveller.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘God bless my soul!’ said Tom, wiping his eyes. ‘The kindness of people is + enough to break one’s heart! I mean to go to Salisbury to-night, my dear + good creature. If you’ll take care of my box for me till I write for it, I + shall consider it the greatest kindness you can do me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish,’ cried Mrs Lupin, ‘there were twenty boxes, Mr Pinch, that I + might have ‘em all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank’ee,’ said Tom. ‘It’s like you. Good-bye. Good-bye.’ + </p> + <p> + There were several people, young and old, standing about the door, some of + whom cried with Mrs Lupin; while others tried to keep up a stout heart, as + Tom did; and others were absorbed in admiration of Mr Pecksniff—a + man who could build a church, as one may say, by squinting at a sheet of + paper; and others were divided between that feeling and sympathy with Tom. + Mr Pecksniff had appeared on the top of the steps, simultaneously with his + old pupil, and while Tom was talking with Mrs Lupin kept his hand + stretched out, as though he said ‘Go forth!’ When Tom went forth, and had + turned the corner Mr Pecksniff shook his head, shut his eyes, and heaving + a deep sigh, shut the door. On which, the best of Tom’s supporters said he + must have done some dreadful deed, or such a man as Mr Pecksniff never + could have felt like that. If it had been a common quarrel (they + observed), he would have said something, but when he didn’t, Mr Pinch must + have shocked him dreadfully. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20523m.jpg" alt="20523m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20523.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Tom was out of hearing of their shrewd opinions, and plodded on as + steadily as he could go, until he came within sight of the turnpike where + the tollman’s family had cried out ‘Mr Pinch!’ that frosty morning, when + he went to meet young Martin. He had got through the village, and this + toll-bar was his last trial; but when the infant toll-takers came + screeching out, he had half a mind to run for it, and make a bolt across + the country. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, deary Mr Pinch! oh, deary sir!’ cried the tollman’s wife. ‘What an + unlikely time for you to be a-going this way with a bag!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am going to Salisbury,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, goodness, where’s the gig, then?’ cried the tollman’s wife, looking + down the road, as if she thought Tom might have been upset without + observing it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I haven’t got it,’ said Tom. ‘I—’ he couldn’t evade it; he felt she + would have him in the next question, if he got over this one. ‘I have left + Mr Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The tollman—a crusty customer, always smoking solitary pipes in a + Windsor chair, inside, set artfully between two little windows that looked + up and down the road, so that when he saw anything coming up he might hug + himself on having toll to take, and when he saw it going down, might hug + himself on having taken it—the tollman was out in an instant. + </p> + <p> + ‘Left Mr Pecksniff!’ cried the tollman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Tom, ‘left him.’ + </p> + <p> + The tollman looked at his wife, uncertain whether to ask her if she had + anything to suggest, or to order her to mind the children. Astonishment + making him surly, he preferred the latter, and sent her into the + toll-house with a flea in her ear. + </p> + <p> + ‘You left Mr Pecksniff!’ cried the tollman, folding his arms, and + spreading his legs. ‘I should as soon have thought of his head leaving + him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ said Tom, ‘so should I, yesterday. Good night!’ + </p> + <p> + If a heavy drove of oxen hadn’t come by immediately, the tollman would + have gone down to the village straight, to inquire into it. As things + turned out, he smoked another pipe, and took his wife into his confidence. + But their united sagacity could make nothing of it, and they went to bed—metaphorically—in + the dark. But several times that night, when a waggon or other vehicle + came through, and the driver asked the tollkeeper ‘What news?’ he looked + at the man by the light of his lantern, to assure himself that he had an + interest in the subject, and then said, wrapping his watch-coat round his + legs: + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ve heerd of Mr Pecksniff down yonder?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! sure-ly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And of his young man Mr Pinch, p’raps?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They’ve parted.’ + </p> + <p> + After every one of these disclosures, the tollman plunged into his house + again, and was seen no more, while the other side went on in great + amazement. + </p> + <p> + But this was long after Tom was abed, and Tom was now with his face + towards Salisbury, doing his best to get there. The evening was beautiful + at first, but it became cloudy and dull at sunset, and the rain fell + heavily soon afterwards. For ten long miles he plodded on, wet through, + until at last the lights appeared, and he came into the welcome precincts + of the city. + </p> + <p> + He went to the inn where he had waited for Martin, and briefly answering + their inquiries after Mr Pecksniff, ordered a bed. He had no heart for tea + or supper, meat or drink of any kind, but sat by himself before an empty + table in the public room while the bed was getting ready, revolving in his + mind all that had happened that eventful day, and wondering what he could + or should do for the future. It was a great relief when the chambermaid + came in, and said the bed was ready. + </p> + <p> + It was a low four-poster, shelving downward in the centre like a trough, + and the room was crowded with impracticable tables and exploded chests of + drawers, full of damp linen. A graphic representation in oil of a + remarkably fat ox hung over the fireplace, and the portrait of some former + landlord (who might have been the ox’s brother, he was so like him) stared + roundly in, at the foot of the bed. A variety of queer smells were + partially quenched in the prevailing scent of very old lavender; and the + window had not been opened for such a long space of time that it pleaded + immemorial usage, and wouldn’t come open now. + </p> + <p> + These were trifles in themselves, but they added to the strangeness of the + place, and did not induce Tom to forget his new position. Pecksniff had + gone out of the world—had never been in it—and it was as much + as Tom could do to say his prayers without him. But he felt happier + afterwards, and went to sleep, and dreamed about him as he Never Was. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0032" id="link2HCH0032"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO + </h2> + <p> + TREATS OF TODGER’S AGAIN; AND OF ANOTHER BLIGHTED PLANT BESIDES THE PLANTS + UPON THE LEADS + </p> + <p> + Early on the day next after that on which she bade adieu to the halls of + her youth and the scenes of her childhood, Miss Pecksniff, arriving safely + at the coach-office in London, was there received, and conducted to her + peaceful home beneath the shadow of the Monument, by Mrs Todgers. M. + Todgers looked a little worn by cares of gravy and other such solicitudes + arising out of her establishment, but displayed her usual earnestness and + warmth of manner. + </p> + <p> + ‘And how, my sweet Miss Pecksniff,’ said she, ‘how is your princely pa?’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff signified (in confidence) that he contemplated the + introduction of a princely ma; and repeated the sentiment that she wasn’t + blind, and wasn’t quite a fool, and wouldn’t bear it. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers was more shocked by the intelligence than any one could have + expected. She was quite bitter. She said there was no truth in man and + that the warmer he expressed himself, as a general principle, the falser + and more treacherous he was. She foresaw with astonishing clearness that + the object of Mr Pecksniff’s attachment was designing, worthless, and + wicked; and receiving from Charity the fullest confirmation of these + views, protested with tears in her eyes that she loved Miss Pecksniff like + a sister, and felt her injuries as if they were her own. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your real darling sister, I have not seen her more than once since her + marriage,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘and then I thought her looking poorly. My + sweet Miss Pecksniff, I always thought that you was to be the lady?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no!’ cried Cherry, shaking her head. ‘Oh no, Mrs Todgers. Thank + you. No! not for any consideration he could offer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I dare say you are right,’ said Mrs Todgers with a sigh. ‘I feared it all + along. But the misery we have had from that match, here among ourselves, + in this house, my dear Miss Pecksniff, nobody would believe.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lor, Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Awful, awful!’ repeated Mrs Todgers, with strong emphasis. ‘You recollect + our youngest gentleman, my dear?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I do,’ said Cherry. + </p> + <p> + ‘You might have observed,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘how he used to watch your + sister; and that a kind of stony dumbness came over him whenever she was + in company?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure I never saw anything of the sort,’ said Cherry, in a peevish + manner. ‘What nonsense, Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ returned that lady in a hollow voice, ‘I have seen him again + and again, sitting over his pie at dinner, with his spoon a perfect + fixture in his mouth, looking at your sister. I have seen him standing in + a corner of our drawing-room, gazing at her, in such a lonely, melancholy + state, that he was more like a Pump than a man, and might have drawed + tears.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never saw it!’ cried Cherry; ‘that’s all I can say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But when the marriage took place,’ said Mrs Todgers, proceeding with her + subject, ‘when it was in the paper, and was read out here at breakfast, I + thought he had taken leave of his senses, I did indeed. The violence of + that young man, my dear Miss Pecksniff; the frightful opinions he + expressed upon the subject of self-destruction; the extraordinary actions + he performed with his tea; the clenching way in which he bit his bread and + butter; the manner in which he taunted Mr Jinkins; all combined to form a + picture never to be forgotten.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a pity he didn’t destroy himself, I think,’ observed Miss Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Himself!’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘it took another turn at night. He was for + destroying other people then. There was a little chaffing going on—I + hope you don’t consider that a low expression, Miss Pecksniff; it is + always in our gentlemen’s mouths—a little chaffing going on, my + dear, among ‘em, all in good nature, when suddenly he rose up, foaming + with his fury, and but for being held by three would have had Mr Jinkins’s + life with a bootjack.’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff’s face expressed supreme indifference. + </p> + <p> + ‘And now,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘now he is the meekest of men. You can almost + bring the tears into his eyes by looking at him. He sits with me the whole + day long on Sundays, talking in such a dismal way that I find it next to + impossible to keep my spirits up equal to the accommodation of the + boarders. His only comfort is in female society. He takes me half-price to + the play, to an extent which I sometimes fear is beyond his means; and I + see the tears a-standing in his eyes during the whole performance—particularly + if it is anything of a comic nature. The turn I experienced only + yesterday,’ said Mrs Todgers putting her hand to her side, ‘when the + house-maid threw his bedside carpet out of the window of his room, while I + was sitting here, no one can imagine. I thought it was him, and that he + had done it at last!’ + </p> + <p> + The contempt with which Miss Charity received this pathetic account of the + state to which the youngest gentleman in company was reduced, did not say + much for her power of sympathising with that unfortunate character. She + treated it with great levity, and went on to inform herself, then and + afterwards, whether any other changes had occurred in the commercial + boarding-house. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey was gone, and had been succeeded (such is the decay of human + greatness!) by an old woman whose name was reported to be Tamaroo—which + seemed an impossibility. Indeed it appeared in the fullness of time that + the jocular boarders had appropriated the word from an English ballad, in + which it is supposed to express the bold and fiery nature of a certain + hackney coachman; and that it was bestowed upon Mr Bailey’s successor by + reason of her having nothing fiery about her, except an occasional attack + of that fire which is called St. Anthony’s. This ancient female had been + engaged, in fulfillment of a vow, registered by Mrs Todgers, that no more + boys should darken the commercial doors; and she was chiefly remarkable + for a total absence of all comprehension upon every subject whatever. She + was a perfect Tomb for messages and small parcels; and when dispatched to + the Post Office with letters, had been frequently seen endeavouring to + insinuate them into casual chinks in private doors, under the delusion + that any door with a hole in it would answer the purpose. She was a very + little old woman, and always wore a very coarse apron with a bib before + and a loop behind, together with bandages on her wrists, which appeared to + be afflicted with an everlasting sprain. She was on all occasions chary of + opening the street door, and ardent to shut it again; and she waited at + table in a bonnet. + </p> + <p> + This was the only great change over and above the change which had fallen + on the youngest gentleman. As for him, he more than corroborated the + account of Mrs Todgers; possessing greater sensibility than even she had + given him credit for. He entertained some terrible notions of Destiny, + among other matters, and talked much about people’s ‘Missions’; upon which + he seemed to have some private information not generally attainable, as he + knew it had been poor Merry’s mission to crush him in the bud. He was very + frail and tearful; for being aware that a shepherd’s mission was to pipe + to his flocks, and that a boatswain’s mission was to pipe all hands, and + that one man’s mission was to be a paid piper, and another man’s mission + was to pay the piper, so he had got it into his head that his own peculiar + mission was to pipe his eye. Which he did perpetually. + </p> + <p> + He often informed Mrs Todgers that the sun had set upon him; that the + billows had rolled over him; that the car of Juggernaut had crushed him, + and also that the deadly Upas tree of Java had blighted him. His name was + Moddle. + </p> + <p> + Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss Pecksniff conducted herself at + first with distant haughtiness, being in no humour to be entertained with + dirges in honour of her married sister. The poor young gentleman was + additionally crushed by this, and remonstrated with Mrs Todgers on the + subject. + </p> + <p> + ‘Even she turns from me, Mrs Todgers,’ said Moddle. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then why don’t you try and be a little bit more cheerful, sir?’ retorted + Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Cheerful, Mrs Todgers! cheerful!’ cried the youngest gentleman; ‘when she + reminds me of days for ever fled, Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then you had better avoid her for a short time, if she does,’ said Mrs + Todgers, ‘and come to know her again, by degrees. That’s my advice.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I can’t avoid her,’ replied Moddle, ‘I haven’t strength of mind to do + it. Oh, Mrs Todgers, if you knew what a comfort her nose is to me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Her nose, sir!’ Mrs Todgers cried. + </p> + <p> + ‘Her profile, in general,’ said the youngest gentleman, ‘but particularly + her nose. It’s so like;’ here he yielded to a burst of grief. ‘It’s so + like hers who is Another’s, Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + The observant matron did not fail to report this conversation to Charity, + who laughed at the time, but treated Mr Moddle that very evening with + increased consideration, and presented her side face to him as much as + possible. Mr Moddle was not less sentimental than usual; was rather more + so, if anything; but he sat and stared at her with glistening eyes, and + seemed grateful. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ said the lady of the Boarding-House next day. ‘You held up + your head last night. You’re coming round, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Only because she’s so like her who is Another’s, Mrs Todgers,’ rejoined + the youth. ‘When she talks, and when she smiles, I think I’m looking on + <i>her </i>brow again, Mrs Todgers.’ + </p> + <p> + This was likewise carried to Charity, who talked and smiled next evening + in her most engaging manner, and rallying Mr Moddle on the lowness of his + spirits, challenged him to play a rubber at cribbage. Mr Moddle taking up + the gauntlet, they played several rubbers for sixpences, and Charity won + them all. This may have been partially attributable to the gallantry of + the youngest gentleman, but it was certainly referable to the state of his + feelings also; for his eyes being frequently dimmed by tears, he thought + that aces were tens, and knaves queens, which at times occasioned some + confusion in his play. + </p> + <p> + On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs Todgers, sitting by, proposed + that instead of gambling they should play for ‘love,’ Mr Moddle was seen + to change colour. On the fourteenth night, he kissed Miss Pecksniff’s + snuffers, in the passage, when she went upstairs to bed; meaning to have + kissed her hand, but missing it. + </p> + <p> + In short, Mr Moddle began to be impressed with the idea that Miss + Pecksniff’s mission was to comfort him; and Miss Pecksniff began to + speculate on the probability of its being her mission to become ultimately + Mrs Moddle. He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was not a very young + lady) with rising prospects, and ‘almost’ enough to live on. Really it + looked very well. + </p> + <p> + Besides—besides—he had been regarded as devoted to Merry. + Merry had joked about him, and had once spoken of it to her sister as a + conquest. He was better looking, better shaped, better spoken, better + tempered, better mannered than Jonas. He was easy to manage, could be made + to consult the humours of his Betrothed, and could be shown off like a + lamb when Jonas was a bear. There was the rub! + </p> + <p> + In the meantime the cribbage went on, and Mrs Todgers went off; for the + youngest gentleman, dropping her society, began to take Miss Pecksniff to + the play. He also began, as Mrs Todgers said, to slip home ‘in his + dinner-times,’ and to get away from ‘the office’ at unholy seasons; and + twice, as he informed Mrs Todgers himself, he received anonymous letters, + enclosing cards from Furniture Warehouses—clearly the act of that + ungentlemanly ruffian Jinkins; only he hadn’t evidence enough to call him + out upon. All of which, so Mrs Todgers told Miss Pecksniff, spoke as plain + English as the shining sun. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend upon it,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘that + he is burning to propose.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My goodness me, why don’t he then?’ cried Cherry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Men are so much more timid than we think ‘em, my dear,’ returned Mrs + Todgers. ‘They baulk themselves continually. I saw the words on Todgers’s + lips for months and months and months, before he said ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff submitted that Todgers might not have been a fair specimen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh yes, he was. Oh bless you, yes, my dear. I was very particular in + those days, I assure you,’ said Mrs Todgers, bridling. ‘No, no. You give + Mr Moddle a little encouragement, Miss Pecksniff, if you wish him to + speak; and he’ll speak fast enough, depend upon it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure I don’t know what encouragement he would have, Mrs Todgers,’ + returned Charity. ‘He walks with me, and plays cards with me, and he comes + and sits alone with me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite right,’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘That’s indispensable, my dear.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And he sits very close to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Also quite correct,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘And he looks at me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure he does,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘And he has his arm upon the back of the chair or sofa, or whatever it is—behind + me, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think so,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘And then he begins to cry!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers admitted that he might do better than that; and might + undoubtedly profit by the recollection of the great Lord Nelson’s signal + at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said, he would come round, or, not + to mince the matter, would be brought round, if Miss Pecksniff took up a + decided position, and plainly showed him that it must be done. + </p> + <p> + Determining to regulate her conduct by this opinion, the young lady + received Mr Moddle, on the earliest subsequent occasion, with an air of + constraint; and gradually leading him to inquire, in a dejected manner, + why she was so changed, confessed to him that she felt it necessary for + their mutual peace and happiness to take a decided step. They had been + much together lately, she observed, much together, and had tasted the + sweets of a genuine reciprocity of sentiment. She never could forget him, + nor could she ever cease to think of him with feelings of the liveliest + friendship, but people had begun to talk, the thing had been observed, and + it was necessary that they should be nothing more to each other, than any + gentleman and lady in society usually are. She was glad she had had the + resolution to say thus much before her feelings had been tried too far; + they had been greatly tried, she would admit; but though she was weak and + silly, she would soon get the better of it, she hoped. + </p> + <p> + Moddle, who had by this time become in the last degree maudlin, and wept + abundantly, inferred from the foregoing avowal, that it was his mission to + communicate to others the blight which had fallen on himself; and that, + being a kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had Miss Pecksniff assigned + to him by the Fates, as Victim Number One. Miss Pecksniff controverting + this opinion as sinful, Moddle was goaded on to ask whether she could be + contented with a blighted heart; and it appearing on further examination + that she could be, plighted his dismal troth, which was accepted and + returned. + He bore his good fortune with the utmost moderation. Instead of being + triumphant, he shed more tears than he had ever been known to shed before; + and, sobbing, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! what a day this has been! I can’t go back to the office this + afternoon. Oh, what a trying day this has been! Good Gracious!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0033" id="link2HCH0033"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE + </h2> + <p> + FURTHER PROCEEDINGS IN EDEN, AND A PROCEEDING OUT OF IT. MARTIN MAKES A + DISCOVERY OF SOME IMPORTANCE + </p> + <p> + From Mr Moddle to Eden is an easy and natural transition. Mr Moddle, + living in the atmosphere of Miss Pecksniff’s love, dwelt (if he had but + known it) in a terrestrial Paradise. The thriving city of Eden was also a + terrestrial Paradise, upon the showing of its proprietors. The beautiful + Miss Pecksniff might have been poetically described as a something too + good for man in his fallen and degraded state. That was exactly the + character of the thriving city of Eden, as poetically heightened by + Zephaniah Scadder, General Choke, and other worthies; part and parcel of + the talons of that great American Eagle, which is always airing itself + sky-high in purest aether, and never, no never, never, tumbles down with + draggled wings into the mud. + </p> + <p> + When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the architectural and surveying + offices, had effectually strengthened and encouraged his own spirits by + the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he proceeded, with new + cheerfulness, in search of help; congratulating himself, as he went along, + on the enviable position to which he had at last attained. + </p> + <p> + ‘I used to think, sometimes,’ said Mr Tapley, ‘as a desolate island would + suit me, but I should only have had myself to provide for there, and being + naturally a easy man to manage, there wouldn’t have been much credit in + <i>that</i>. Now here I’ve got my partner to take care on, and he’s something + like the sort of man for the purpose. I want a man as is always a-sliding + off his legs when he ought to be on ‘em. I want a man as is so low down in + the school of life that he’s always a-making figures of one in his + copy-book, and can’t get no further. I want a man as is his own great coat + and cloak, and is always a-wrapping himself up in himself. And I have got + him too,’ said Mr Tapley, after a moment’s silence. ‘What a happiness!’ + </p> + <p> + He paused to look round, uncertain to which of the log-houses he should + repair. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know which to take,’ he observed; ‘that’s the truth. They’re + equally prepossessing outside, and equally commodious, no doubt, within; + being fitted up with every convenience that a Alligator, in a state of + natur’, could possibly require. Let me see! The citizen as turned out last + night, lives under water, in the right hand dog-kennel at the corner. I + don’t want to trouble him if I can help it, poor man, for he is a + melancholy object; a reg’lar Settler in every respect. There’s house with + a winder, but I am afraid of their being proud. I don’t know whether a + door ain’t too aristocratic; but here goes for the first one!’ + </p> + <p> + He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked with his hand. Being desired + to enter, he complied. + </p> + <p> + ‘Neighbour,’ said Mark; ‘for I <i>am</i> a neighbour, though you don’t know me; + I’ve come a-begging. Hallo! hal—lo! Am I a-bed, and dreaming!’ + </p> + <p> + He made this exclamation on hearing his own name pronounced, and finding + himself clasped about the skirts by two little boys, whose faces he had + often washed, and whose suppers he had often cooked, on board of that + noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20534m.jpg" alt="20534m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20534.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘My eyes is wrong!’ said Mark. ‘I don’t believe ‘em. That ain’t my + fellow-passenger younder, a-nursing her little girl, who, I am sorry to + see, is so delicate; and that ain’t her husband as come to New York to + fetch her. Nor these,’ he added, looking down upon the boys, ‘ain’t them + two young shavers as was so familiar to me; though they are uncommon like + ‘em. That I must confess.’ + </p> + <p> + The woman shed tears, in very joy to see him; the man shook both his hands + and would not let them go; the two boys hugged his legs; the sick child in + the mother’s arms stretched out her burning little fingers, and muttered, + in her hoarse, dry throat, his well-remembered name. + </p> + <p> + It was the same family, sure enough. Altered by the salubrious air of + Eden. But the same. + </p> + <p> + ‘This is a new sort of a morning call,’ said Mark, drawing a long breath. + ‘It strikes one all of a heap. Wait a little bit! I’m a-coming round fast. + That’ll do! These gentlemen ain’t my friends. Are they on the visiting + list of the house?’ + </p> + <p> + The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who had walked in after him, + and were much interested in the heels of the family. As they did not + belong to the mansion, they were expelled by the two little boys. + </p> + <p> + ‘I ain’t superstitious about toads,’ said Mark, looking round the room, + ‘but if you could prevail upon the two or three I see in company, to step + out at the same time, my young friends, I think they’d find the open air + refreshing. Not that I at all object to ‘em. A very handsome animal is a + toad,’ said Mr Tapley, sitting down upon a stool; ‘very spotted; very like + a partickler style of old gentleman about the throat; very bright-eyed, + very cool, and very slippy. But one sees ‘em to the best advantage out of + doors perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + While pretending, with such talk as this, to be perfectly at his ease, and + to be the most indifferent and careless of men, Mark Tapley had an eye on + all around him. The wan and meagre aspect of the family, the changed looks + of the poor mother, the fevered child she held in her lap, the air of + great despondency and little hope on everything, were plain to him, and + made a deep impression on his mind. He saw it all as clearly and as + quickly, as with his bodily eyes he saw the rough shelves supported by + pegs driven between the logs, of which the house was made; the flour-cask + in the corner, serving also for a table; the blankets, spades, and other + articles against the walls; the damp that blotched the ground; or the crop + of vegetable rottenness in every crevice of the hut. + </p> + <p> + ‘How is it that you have come here?’ asked the man, when their first + expressions of surprise were over. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, we come by the steamer last night,’ replied Mark. ‘Our intention is + to make our fortuns with punctuality and dispatch; and to retire upon our + property as soon as ever it’s realised. But how are you all? You’re + looking noble!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are but sickly now,’ said the poor woman, bending over her child. ‘But + we shall do better when we are seasoned to the place.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There are some here,’ thought Mark ‘whose seasoning will last for ever.’ + </p> + <p> + But he said cheerfully, ‘Do better! To be sure you will. We shall all do + better. What we’ve got to do is, to keep up our spirits, and be + neighbourly. We shall come all right in the end, never fear. That reminds + me, by the bye, that my partner’s all wrong just at present; and that I + looked in to beg for him. I wish you’d come and give me your opinion of + him, master.’ + </p> + <p> + That must have been a very unreasonable request on the part of Mark + Tapley, with which, in their gratitude for his kind offices on board the + ship, they would not have complied instantly. The man rose to accompany + him without a moment’s delay. Before they went, Mark took the sick child + in his arms, and tried to comfort the mother; but the hand of death was on + it then, he saw. + </p> + <p> + They found Martin in the house, lying wrapped up in his blanket on the + ground. He was, to all appearance, very ill indeed, and shook and shivered + horribly; not as people do from cold, but in a frightful kind of spasm or + convulsion, that racked his whole body. Mark’s friend pronounced his + disease an aggravated kind of fever, accompanied with ague; which was very + common in those parts, and which he predicted would be worse to-morrow, + and for many more to-morrows. He had had it himself off and on, he said, + for a couple of years or so; but he was thankful that, while so many he + had known had died about him, he had escaped with life. + </p> + <p> + ‘And with not too much of that,’ thought Mark, surveying his emaciated + form. ‘Eden for ever!’ + </p> + <p> + They had some medicine in their chest; and this man of sad experience + showed Mark how and when to administer it, and how he could best alleviate + the sufferings of Martin. His attentions did not stop there; for he was + backwards and forwards constantly, and rendered Mark good service in all + his brisk attempts to make their situation more endurable. Hope or comfort + for the future he could not bestow. The season was a sickly one; the + settlement a grave. His child died that night; and Mark, keeping the + secret from Martin, helped to bury it, beneath a tree, next day. + </p> + <p> + With all his various duties of attendance upon Martin (who became the more + exacting in his claims, the worse he grew), Mark worked out of doors, + early and late; and with the assistance of his friend and others, laboured + to do something with their land. Not that he had the least strength of + heart or hope, or steady purpose in so doing, beyond the habitual + cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing power of + self-sustainment; for within himself, he looked on their condition as + beyond all hope, and, in his own words, ‘came out strong’ in consequence. + </p> + <p> + ‘As to coming out as strong as I could wish, sir,’ he confided to Martin + in a leisure moment; that is to say, one evening, while he was washing the + linen of the establishment, after a hard day’s work, ‘that I give up. It’s + a piece of good fortune as never is to happen to me, I see!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Would you wish for circumstances stronger than these?’ Martin retorted + with a groan, from underneath his blanket. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, only see how easy they might have been stronger, sir,’ said Mark, + ‘if it wasn’t for the envy of that uncommon fortun of mine, which is + always after me, and tripping me up. The night we landed here, I thought + things did look pretty jolly. I won’t deny it. I thought they did look + pretty jolly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How do they look now?’ groaned Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Mark, ‘Ah, to be sure. That’s the question. How do they look + now? On the very first morning of my going out, what do I do? Stumble on a + family I know, who are constantly assisting of us in all sorts of ways, + from that time to this! That won’t do, you know; that ain’t what I’d a + right to expect. If I had stumbled on a serpent and got bit; or stumbled + on a first-rate patriot, and got bowie-knifed, or stumbled on a lot of + Sympathisers with inverted shirt-collars, and got made a lion of; I might + have distinguished myself, and earned some credit. As it is, the great + object of my voyage is knocked on the head. So it would be, wherever I + went. How do you feel to-night, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Worse than ever,’ said poor Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s something,’ returned Mark, ‘but not enough. Nothing but being very + bad myself, and jolly to the last, will ever do me justice.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In Heaven’s name, don’t talk of that,’ said Martin with a thrill of + terror. ‘What should I do, Mark, if you were taken ill!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley’s spirits appeared to be stimulated by this remark, although it + was not a very flattering one. He proceeded with his washing in a brighter + mood; and observed ‘that his glass was arising.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s one good thing in this place, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, scrubbing + away at the linen, ‘as disposes me to be jolly; and that is that it’s a + reg’lar little United States in itself. There’s two or three American + settlers left; and they coolly comes over one, even here, sir, as if it + was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in the world. But they’re like the + cock that went and hid himself to save his life, and was found out by the + noise he made. They can’t help crowing. They was born to do it, and do it + they must, whatever comes of it.’ + </p> + <p> + Glancing from his work out at the door as he said these words, Mark’s eyes + encountered a lean person in a blue frock and a straw hat, with a short + black pipe in his mouth, and a great hickory stick studded all over with + knots, in his hand; who smoking and chewing as he came along, and spitting + frequently, recorded his progress by a train of decomposed tobacco on the + ground. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here’s one on ‘em,’ cried Mark, ‘Hannibal Chollop.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t let him in,’ said Martin, feebly. + </p> + <p> + ‘He won’t want any letting in,’ replied Mark. ‘He’ll come in, sir.’ Which + turned out to be quite true, for he did. His face was almost as hard and + knobby as his stick; and so were his hands. His head was like an old black + hearth-broom. He sat down on the chest with his hat on; and crossing his + legs and looking up at Mark, said, without removing his pipe: + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mr Co.! and how do you git along, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + It may be necessary to observe that Mr Tapley had gravely introduced + himself to all strangers, by that name. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well, sir; pretty well,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘If this ain’t Mr Chuzzlewit, ain’t it!’ exclaimed the visitor ‘How do <i>you</i> + git along, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket over it involuntarily; for he + felt that Hannibal was going to spit; and his eye, as the song says, was + upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You need not regard me, sir,’ observed Mr Chollop, complacently. ‘I am + fever-proof, and likewise agur.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mine was a more selfish motive,’ said Martin, looking out again. ‘I was + afraid you were going to—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can calc’late my distance, sir,’ returned Mr Chollop, ‘to an inch.’ + </p> + <p> + With a proof of which happy faculty he immediately favoured him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I re-quire, sir,’ said Hannibal, ‘two foot clear in a circ’lar + di-rection, and can engage my-self toe keep within it. I <i>have </i>gone ten + foot, in a circ’lar di-rection, but that was for a wager.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope you won it, sir,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir, I realised the stakes,’ said Chollop. ‘Yes, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + He was silent for a time, during which he was actively engaged in the + formation of a magic circle round the chest on which he sat. When it was + completed, he began to talk again. + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you like our country, sir?’ he inquired, looking at Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at all,’ was the invalid’s reply. + </p> + <p> + Chollop continued to smoke without the least appearance of emotion, until + he felt disposed to speak again. That time at length arriving, he took his + pipe from his mouth, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not surprised to hear you say so. It re-quires An elevation, and A + preparation of the intellect. The mind of man must be prepared for + Freedom, Mr Co.’ + </p> + <p> + He addressed himself to Mark; because he saw that Martin, who wished him + to go, being already half-mad with feverish irritation, which the droning + voice of this new horror rendered almost insupportable, had closed his + eyes, and turned on his uneasy bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘A little bodily preparation wouldn’t be amiss, either, would it, sir,’ + said Mark, ‘in the case of a blessed old swamp like this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you con-sider this a swamp, sir?’ inquired Chollop gravely. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why yes, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘I haven’t a doubt about it myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The sentiment is quite Europian,’ said the major, ‘and does not surprise + me; what would your English millions say to such a swamp in England, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They’d say it was an uncommon nasty one, I should think, said Mark; ‘and + that they would rather be inoculated for fever in some other way.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Europian!’ remarked Chollop, with sardonic pity. ‘Quite Europian!’ + </p> + <p> + And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the house were his; smoking away + like a factory chimney. + </p> + <p> + Mr Chollop was, of course, one of the most remarkable men in the country; + but he really was a notorious person besides. He was usually described by + his friends, in the South and West, as ‘a splendid sample of our na-tive + raw material, sir,’ and was much esteemed for his devotion to rational + Liberty; for the better propagation whereof he usually carried a brace of + revolving pistols in his coat pocket, with seven barrels a-piece. He also + carried, amongst other trinkets, a sword-stick, which he called his + ‘Tickler.’ and a great knife, which (for he was a man of a pleasant turn + of humour) he called ‘Ripper,’ in allusion to its usefulness as a means of + ventilating the stomach of any adversary in a close contest. He had used + these weapons with distinguished effect in several instances, all duly + chronicled in the newspapers; and was greatly beloved for the gallant + manner in which he had ‘jobbed out’ the eye of one gentleman, as he was in + the act of knocking at his own street-door. + </p> + <p> + Mr Chollop was a man of a roving disposition; and, in any less advanced + community, might have been mistaken for a violent vagabond. But his fine + qualities being perfectly understood and appreciated in those regions + where his lot was cast, and where he had many kindred spirits to consort + with, he may be regarded as having been born under a fortunate star, which + is not always the case with a man so much before the age in which he + lives. Preferring, with a view to the gratification of his tickling and + ripping fancies, to dwell upon the outskirts of society, and in the more + remote towns and cities, he was in the habit of emigrating from place to + place, and establishing in each some business—usually a newspaper—which + he presently sold; for the most part closing the bargain by challenging, + stabbing, pistolling, or gouging the new editor, before he had quite taken + possession of the property. + </p> + <p> + He had come to Eden on a speculation of this kind, but had abandoned it, + and was about to leave. He always introduced himself to strangers as a + worshipper of Freedom; was the consistent advocate of Lynch law, and + slavery; and invariably recommended, both in print and speech, the + ‘tarring and feathering’ of any unpopular person who differed from + himself. He called this ‘planting the standard of civilization in the + wilder gardens of My country.’ + </p> + <p> + There is little doubt that Chollop would have planted this standard in + Eden at Mark’s expense, in return for his plainness of speech (for the + genuine Freedom is dumb, save when she vaunts herself), but for the utter + desolation and decay prevailing in the settlement, and his own approaching + departure from it. As it was, he contented himself with showing Mark one + of the revolving-pistols, and asking him what he thought of that weapon. + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t long since I shot a man down with that, sir, in the State of + Illin<i>oy</i>,’ observed Chollop. + </p> + <p> + ‘Did you, indeed!’ said Mark, without the smallest agitation. ‘Very free + of you. And very independent!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shot him down, sir,’ pursued Chollop, ‘for asserting in the Spartan + Portico, a tri-weekly journal, that the ancient Athenians went a-head of + the present Locofoco Ticket.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And what’s that?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Europian not to know,’ said Chollop, smoking placidly. ‘Europian quite!’ + </p> + <p> + After a short devotion to the interests of the magic circle, he resumed + the conversation by observing: + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t half feel yourself at home in Eden, now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mark, ‘I don’t.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You miss the imposts of your country. You miss the house dues?’ observed + Chollop. + </p> + <p> + ‘And the houses—rather,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘No window dues here, sir,’ observed Chollop. + </p> + <p> + ‘And no windows to put ‘em on,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘No stakes, no dungeons, no blocks, no racks, no scaffolds, no + thumbscrews, no pikes, no pillories,’ said Chollop. + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing but rewolwers and bowie-knives,’ returned Mark. ‘And what are + they? Not worth mentioning!’ + </p> + <p> + The man who had met them on the night of their arrival came crawling up at + this juncture, and looked in at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ said Chollop. ‘How do <i>you </i>git along?’ + </p> + <p> + He had considerable difficulty in getting along at all, and said as much + in reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Co. And me, sir,’ observed Chollop, ‘are disputating a piece. He ought + to be slicked up pretty smart to disputate between the Old World and the + New, I do expect?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ returned the miserable shadow. ‘So he had.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was merely observing, sir,’ said Mark, addressing this new visitor, + ‘that I looked upon the city in which we have the honour to live, as being + swampy. What’s your sentiments?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I opinionate it’s moist perhaps, at certain times,’ returned the man. + </p> + <p> + ‘But not as moist as England, sir?’ cried Chollop, with a fierce + expression in his face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! Not as moist as England; let alone its Institutions,’ said the man. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should hope there ain’t a swamp in all Americay, as don’t whip <i>that</i> + small island into mush and molasses,’ observed Chollop, decisively. ‘You + bought slick, straight, and right away, of Scadder, sir?’ to Mark. + </p> + <p> + He answered in the affirmative. Mr Chollop winked at the other citizen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Scadder is a smart man, sir? He is a rising man? He is a man as will come + up’ards, right side up, sir?’ Mr Chollop winked again at the other + citizen. + </p> + <p> + ‘He should have his right side very high up, if I had my way,’ said Mark. + ‘As high up as the top of a good tall gallows, perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Chollop was so delighted at the smartness of his excellent countryman + having been too much for the Britisher, and at the Britisher’s resenting + it, that he could contain himself no longer, and broke forth in a shout of + delight. But the strangest exposition of this ruling passion was in the + other—the pestilence-stricken, broken, miserable shadow of a man—who + derived so much entertainment from the circumstance that he seemed to + forget his own ruin in thinking of it, and laughed outright when he said + ‘that Scadder was a smart man, and had draw’d a lot of British capital + that way, as sure as sun-up.’ + </p> + <p> + After a full enjoyment of this joke, Mr Hannibal Chollop sat smoking and + improving the circle, without making any attempts either to converse or to + take leave; apparently labouring under the not uncommon delusion that for + a free and enlightened citizen of the United States to convert another + man’s house into a spittoon for two or three hours together, was a + delicate attention, full of interest and politeness, of which nobody could + ever tire. At last he rose. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am a-going easy,’ he observed. + </p> + <p> + Mark entreated him to take particular care of himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Afore I go,’ he said sternly, ‘I have got a leetle word to say to you. + You are darnation ‘cute, you are.’ + </p> + <p> + Mark thanked him for the compliment. + </p> + <p> + ‘But you are much too ‘cute to last. I can’t con-ceive of any spotted + Painter in the bush, as ever was so riddled through and through as you + will be, I bet.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What for?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘We must be cracked up, sir,’ retorted Chollop, in a tone of menace. ‘You + are not now in A despotic land. We are a model to the airth, and must be + jist cracked-up, I tell you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What! I speak too free, do I?’ cried Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have draw’d upon A man, and fired upon A man for less,’ said Chollop, + frowning. ‘I have know’d strong men obleeged to make themselves uncommon + skase for less. I have know’d men Lynched for less, and beaten into + punkin’-sarse for less, by an enlightened people. We are the intellect and + virtue of the airth, the cream of human natur’, and the flower Of moral + force. Our backs is easy ris. We must be cracked-up, or they rises, and we + snarls. We shows our teeth, I tell you, fierce. You’d better crack us up, + you had!’ + </p> + <p> + After the delivery of this caution, Mr Chollop departed; with Ripper, + Tickler, and the revolvers, all ready for action on the shortest notice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come out from under the blanket, sir,’ said Mark, ‘he’s gone. What’s + this!’ he added softly; kneeling down to look into his partner’s face, and + taking his hot hand. ‘What’s come of all that chattering and swaggering? + He’s wandering in his mind to-night, and don’t know me!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin indeed was dangerously ill; very near his death. He lay in that + state many days, during which time Mark’s poor friends, regardless of + themselves, attended him. Mark, fatigued in mind and body; working all the + day and sitting up at night; worn with hard living and the unaccustomed + toil of his new life; surrounded by dismal and discouraging circumstances + of every kind; never complained or yielded in the least degree. If ever he + had thought Martin selfish or inconsiderate, or had deemed him energetic + only by fits and starts, and then too passive for their desperate + fortunes, he now forgot it all. He remembered nothing but the better + qualities of his fellow-wanderer, and was devoted to him, heart and hand. + </p> + <p> + Many weeks elapsed before Martin was strong enough to move about with the + help of a stick and Mark’s arm; and even then his recovery, for want of + wholesome air and proper nourishment, was very slow. He was yet in a + feeble and weak condition, when the misfourtune he had so much dreaded + fell upon them. Mark was taken ill. + </p> + <p> + Mark fought against it; but the malady fought harder, and his efforts were + in vain. + </p> + <p> + ‘Floored for the present, sir,’ he said one morning, sinking back upon his + bed; ‘but jolly!’ + </p> + <p> + Floored indeed, and by a heavy blow! As any one but Martin might have + known beforehand. + </p> + <p> + If Mark’s friends had been kind to Martin (and they had been very), they + were twenty times kinder to Mark. And now it was Martin’s turn to work, + and sit beside the bed and watch, and listen through the long, long + nights, to every sound in the gloomy wilderness; and hear poor Mr Tapley, + in his wandering fancy, playing at skittles in the Dragon, making + love-remonstrances to Mrs Lupin, getting his sea-legs on board the Screw, + travelling with old Tom Pinch on English roads, and burning stumps of + trees in Eden, all at once. + </p> + <p> + But whenever Martin gave him drink or medicine, or tended him in any way, + or came into the house returning from some drudgery without, the patient + Mr Tapley brightened up and cried: ‘I’m jolly, sir; ‘I’m jolly!’ + </p> + <p> + Now, when Martin began to think of this, and to look at Mark as he lay + there; never reproaching him by so much as an expression of regret; never + murmuring; always striving to be manful and staunch; he began to think, + how was it that this man who had had so few advantages, was so much better + than he who had had so many? And attendance upon a sick bed, but + especially the sick bed of one whom we have been accustomed to see in full + activity and vigour, being a great breeder of reflection, he began to ask + himself in what they differed. + </p> + <p> + He was assisted in coming to a conclusion on this head by the frequent + presence of Mark’s friend, their fellow-passenger across the ocean, which + suggested to him that in regard to having aided her, for example, they had + differed very much. Somehow he coupled Tom Pinch with this train of + reflection; and thinking that Tom would be very likely to have struck up + the same sort of acquaintance under similar circumstances, began to think + in what respects two people so extremely different were like each other, + and were unlike him. At first sight there was nothing very distressing in + these meditations, but they did undoubtedly distress him for all that. + </p> + <p> + Martin’s nature was a frank and generous one; but he had been bred up in + his grandfather’s house; and it will usually be found that the meaner + domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own antagonists. + Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, cunning, stealth, and + covetous propensities. Martin had unconsciously reasoned as a child, ‘My + guardian takes so much thought of himself, that unless I do the like by + <i>my</i>self, I shall be forgotten.’ So he had grown selfish. + </p> + <p> + But he had never known it. If any one had taxed him with the vice, he + would have indignantly repelled the accusation, and conceived himself + unworthily aspersed. He never would have known it, but that being newly + risen from a bed of dangerous sickness, to watch by such another couch, he + felt how nearly Self had dropped into the grave, and what a poor + dependent, miserable thing it was. + </p> + <p> + It was natural for him to reflect—he had months to do it in—upon + his own escape, and Mark’s extremity. This led him to consider which of + them could be the better spared, and why? Then the curtain slowly rose a + very little way; and Self, Self, Self, was shown below. + </p> + <p> + He asked himself, besides, when dreading Mark’s decease (as all men do and + must, at such a time), whether he had done his duty by him, and had + deserved and made a good response to his fidelity and zeal. No. Short as + their companionship had been, he felt in many, many instances, that there + was blame against himself; and still inquiring why, the curtain slowly + rose a little more, and Self, Self, Self, dilated on the scene. + </p> + <p> + It was long before he fixed the knowledge of himself so firmly in his mind + that he could thoroughly discern the truth; but in the hideous solitude of + that most hideous place, with Hope so far removed, Ambition quenched, and + Death beside him rattling at the very door, reflection came, as in a + plague-beleaguered town; and so he felt and knew the failing of his life, + and saw distinctly what an ugly spot it was. + </p> + <p> + Eden was a hard school to learn so hard a lesson in; but there were + teachers in the swamp and thicket, and the pestilential air, who had a + searching method of their own. + </p> + <p> + He made a solemn resolution that when his strength returned he would not + dispute the point or resist the conviction, but would look upon it as an + established fact, that selfishness was in his breast, and must be rooted + out. He was so doubtful (and with justice) of his own character, that he + determined not to say one word of vain regret or good resolve to Mark, but + steadily to keep his purpose before his own eyes solely; and there was not + a jot of pride in this; nothing but humility and steadfastness; the best + armour he could wear. So low had Eden brought him down. So high had Eden + raised him up. + </p> + <p> + After a long and lingering illness (in certain forlorn stages of which, + when too far gone to speak, he had feebly written ‘jolly!’ on a slate), + Mark showed some symptoms of returning health. They came and went, and + flickered for a time; but he began to mend at last decidedly; and after + that continued to improve from day to day. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he was well enough to talk without fatigue, Martin consulted + him upon a project he had in his mind, and which a few months back he + would have carried into execution without troubling anybody’s head but his + own. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ours is a desperate case,’ said Martin. ‘Plainly. The place is deserted; + its failure must have become known; and selling what we have bought to any + one, for anything, is hopeless, even if it were honest. We left home on a + mad enterprise, and have failed. The only hope left us, the only one end + for which we have now to try, is to quit this settlement for ever, and get + back to England. Anyhow! by any means! only to get back there, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all, sir,’ returned Mr Tapley, with a significant stress upon the + words; ‘only that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, upon this side of the water,’ said Martin, ‘we have but one friend + who can help us, and that is Mr Bevan.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought of him when you was ill,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘But for the time that would be lost, I would even write to my + grandfather,’ Martin went on to say, ‘and implore him for money to free us + from this trap into which we were so cruelly decoyed. Shall I try Mr Bevan + first?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s a very pleasant sort of a gentleman,’ said Mark. ‘I think so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The few goods we brought here, and in which we spent our money, would + produce something if sold,’ resumed Martin; ‘and whatever they realise + shall be paid him instantly. But they can’t be sold here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s nobody but corpses to buy ‘em,’ said Mr Tapley, shaking his head + with a rueful air, ‘and pigs.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I tell him so, and only ask him for money enough to enable us by + the cheapest means to reach New York, or any port from which we may hope + to get a passage home, by serving in any capacity? Explaining to him at + the same time how I am connected, and that I will endeavour to repay him, + even through my grandfather, immediately on our arrival in England?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why to be sure,’ said Mark: ‘he can only say no, and he may say yes. If + you don’t mind trying him, sir—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind!’ exclaimed Martin. ‘I am to blame for coming here, and I would do + anything to get away. I grieve to think of the past. If I had taken your + opinion sooner, Mark, we never should have been here, I am certain.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley was very much surprised at this admission, but protested, with + great vehemence, that they would have been there all the same; and that he + had set his heart upon coming to Eden, from the first word he had ever + heard of it. + </p> + <p> + Martin then read him a letter to Mr Bevan, which he had already prepared. + It was frankly and ingenuously written, and described their situation + without the least concealment; plainly stated the miseries they had + undergone; and preferred their request in modest but straightforward + terms. Mark highly commended it; and they determined to dispatch it by the + next steamboat going the right way, that might call to take in wood at + Eden—where there was plenty of wood to spare. Not knowing how to + address Mr Bevan at his own place of abode, Martin superscribed it to the + care of the memorable Mr Norris of New York, and wrote upon the cover an + entreaty that it might be forwarded without delay. + </p> + <p> + More than a week elapsed before a boat appeared; but at length they were + awakened very early one morning by the high-pressure snorting of the ‘Esau + Slodge;’ named after one of the most remarkable men in the country, who + had been very eminent somewhere. Hurrying down to the landing-place, they + got it safe on board; and waiting anxiously to see the boat depart, + stopped up the gangway; an instance of neglect which caused the ‘Capting’ + of the Esau Slodge to ‘wish he might be sifted fine as flour, and whittled + small as chips; that if they didn’t come off that there fixing right smart + too, he’d spill ‘em in the drink;’ whereby the Capting metaphorically said + he’d throw them in the river. + </p> + <p> + They were not likely to receive an answer for eight or ten weeks at the + earliest. In the meantime they devoted such strength as they had to the + attempted improvement of their land; to clearing some of it, and preparing + it for useful purposes. Monstrously defective as their farming was, still + it was better than their neighbours’; for Mark had some practical + knowledge of such matters, and Martin learned of him; whereas the other + settlers who remained upon the putrid swamp (a mere handful, and those + withered by disease), appeared to have wandered there with the idea that + husbandry was the natural gift of all mankind. They helped each other + after their own manner in these struggles, and in all others; but they + worked as hopelessly and sadly as a gang of convicts in a penal + settlement. + </p> + <p> + Often at night when Mark and Martin were alone, and lying down to sleep, + they spoke of home, familiar places, houses, roads, and people whom they + knew; sometimes in the lively hope of seeing them again, and sometimes + with a sorrowful tranquillity, as if that hope were dead. It was a source + of great amazement to Mark Tapley to find, pervading all these + conversations, a singular alteration in Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know what to make of him,’ he thought one night, ‘he ain’t what I + supposed. He don’t think of himself half as much. I’ll try him again. + Asleep, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thinking of home, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So was I, sir. I was wondering how Mr Pinch and Mr Pecksniff gets on + now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor Tom!’ said Martin, thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + ‘Weak-minded man, sir,’ observed Mr Tapley. ‘Plays the organ for nothing, + sir. Takes no care of himself?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish he took a little more, indeed,’ said Martin. ‘Though I don’t know + why I should. We shouldn’t like him half as well, perhaps.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He gets put upon, sir,’ hinted Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes!’ said Martin, after a short silence. ‘I know that, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + He spoke so regretfully that his partner abandoned the theme, and was + silent for a short time until he had thought of another. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, sir!’ said Mark, with a sigh. ‘Dear me! You’ve ventured a good deal + for a young lady’s love!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you what. I’m not so sure of that, Mark,’ was the reply; so + hastily and energetically spoken, that Martin sat up in his bed to give + it. ‘I begin to be far from clear upon it. You may depend upon it she is + very unhappy. She has sacrificed her peace of mind; she has endangered her + interests very much; she can’t run away from those who are jealous of her, + and opposed to her, as I have done. She has to endure, Mark; to endure + without the possibility of action, poor girl! I begin to think that she + has more to bear than ever I had. Upon my soul I do!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley opened his eyes wide in the dark; but did not interrupt. + </p> + <p> + ‘And I’ll tell you a secret, Mark,’ said Martin, ‘since we <i>are </i>upon this + subject. That ring—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which ring, sir?’ Mark inquired, opening his eyes still wider. + </p> + <p> + ‘That ring she gave me when we parted, Mark. She bought it; bought it; + knowing I was poor and proud (Heaven help me! Proud!) and wanted money.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who says so, sir?’ asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say so. I know it. I thought of it, my good fellow, hundreds of times, + while you were lying ill. And like a beast, I took it from her hand, and + wore it on my own, and never dreamed of this even at the moment when I + parted with it, when some faint glimmering of the truth might surely have + possessed me! But it’s late,’ said Martin, checking himself, ‘and you are + weak and tired, I know. You only talk to cheer me up. Good night! God + bless you, Mark!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘God bless you, sir! But I’m reg’larly defrauded,’ thought Mr Tapley, + turning round with a happy face. ‘It’s a swindle. I never entered for this + sort of service. There’ll be no credit in being jolly with <i>him</i>!’ + </p> + <p> + The time wore on, and other steamboats coming from the point on which + their hopes were fixed, arrived to take in wood; but still no answer to + the letter. Rain, heat, foul slime, and noxious vapour, with all the ills + and filthy things they bred, prevailed. The earth, the air, the + vegetation, and the water that they drank, all teemed with deadly + properties. Their fellow-passenger had lost two children long before; and + buried now her last. Such things are much too common to be widely known or + cared for. Smart citizens grow rich, and friendless victims smart and die, + and are forgotten. That is all. + </p> + <p> + At last a boat came panting up the ugly river, and stopped at Eden. Mark + was waiting at the wood hut when it came, and had a letter handed to him + from on board. He bore it off to Martin. They looked at one another, + trembling. + </p> + <p> + ‘It feels heavy,’ faltered Martin. And opening it a little roll of + dollar-notes fell out upon the ground. + </p> + <p> + What either of them said, or did, or felt, at first, neither of them knew. + All Mark could ever tell was, that he was at the river’s bank again out of + breath, before the boat had gone, inquiring when it would retrace its + track and put in there. + </p> + <p> + The answer was, in ten or twelve days; notwithstanding which they began to + get their goods together and to tie them up that very night. When this + stage of excitement was passed, each of them believed (they found this + out, in talking of it afterwards) that he would surely die before the boat + returned. + </p> + <p> + They lived, however, and it came, after the lapse of three long crawling + weeks. At sunrise, on an autumn day, they stood upon her deck. + </p> + <p> + ‘Courage! We shall meet again!’ cried Martin, waving his hand to two thin + figures on the bank. ‘In the Old World!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Or in the next one,’ added Mark below his breath. ‘To see them standing + side by side, so quiet, is a’most the worst of all!’ + </p> + <p> + They looked at one another as the vessel moved away, and then looked + backward at the spot from which it hurried fast. The log-house, with the + open door, and drooping trees about it; the stagnant morning mist, and red + sun, dimly seen beyond; the vapour rising up from land and river; the + quick stream making the loathsome banks it washed more flat and dull; how + often they returned in dreams! How often it was happiness to wake and find + them Shadows that had vanished! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0034" id="link2HCH0034"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH THE TRAVELLERS MOVE HOMEWARD, AND ENCOUNTER SOME DISTINGUISHED + CHARACTERS UPON THE WAY + </p> + <p> + Among the passengers on board the steamboat, there was a faint gentleman + sitting on a low camp-stool, with his legs on a high barrel of flour, as + if he were looking at the prospect with his ankles, who attracted their + attention speedily. + </p> + <p> + He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and hanging + down upon his coat; a little fringe of hair upon his chin; wore no + neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves and short in + the legs; soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His complexion, + naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too strict an economy of soap and + water; and the same observation will apply to the washable part of his + attire, which he might have changed with comfort to himself and + gratification to his friends. He was about five and thirty; was crushed + and jammed up in a heap, under the shade of a large green cotton umbrella; + and ruminated over his tobacco-plug like a cow. + </p> + <p> + He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every gentleman on + board appeared to have had a difference with his laundress and to have + left off washing himself in early youth. Every gentleman, too, was + perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, and was dislocated in the + greater part of his joints. But about this gentleman there was a peculiar + air of sagacity and wisdom, which convinced Martin that he was no common + character; and this turned out to be the case. + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you do sir?’ said a voice in Martin’s ear + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you do sir?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpet-cap on, and a + long loose coat of green baize, ornamented about the pockets with black + velvet. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air from Europe, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air fortunate, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and he + attached different meanings to this remark. + </p> + <p> + ‘You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our Elijah + Pogram, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your Elijahpogram!’ said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and a + building of some sort. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin tried to look as if he understood him, but he couldn’t make it out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ repeated the gentleman, ‘our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at this + minute, identically settin’ by the engine biler.’ + </p> + <p> + The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his eyebrow, + as if he were revolving schemes of state. + </p> + <p> + ‘That is Elijah Pogram, is it?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ replied the other. ‘That is Elijah Pogram.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ said Martin. ‘I am astonished.’ But he had not the least idea + who this Elijah Pogram was; having never heard the name in all his life. + </p> + <p> + ‘If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,’ said his new + acquaintance, ‘and Toe bust now, this would be a festival day in the + calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin’, sir, in its effects upon the + human race, our Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is the Honourable + Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the master-minds of our country, + sir. There is a brow, sir, there!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite remarkable,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed, when + he made the celebrated Pogram statter in marble, which rose so much + con-test and preju-dice in Europe, that the brow was more than mortal. + This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a pre-diction, + cruel smart.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the Pogram Defiance?’ asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it was the + sign of a public-house. + </p> + <p> + ‘An o-ration, sir,’ returned his friend. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! to be sure,’ cried Martin. ‘What am I thinking of! It defied—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It defied the world, sir,’ said the other, gravely. ‘Defied the world in + general to com-pete with our country upon any hook; and devellop’d our + internal resources for making war upon the universal airth. You would like + to know Elijah Pogram, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you please,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pogram,’ said the stranger—Mr Pogram having overheard every word + of the dialogue—‘this is a gentleman from Europe, sir; from England, + sir. But gen’rous ene-mies may meet upon the neutral sile of private life, + I think.’ + </p> + <p> + The languid Mr Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clock-work figure + that was just running down. But he made amends by chewing like one that + was just wound up. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pogram,’ said the introducer, ‘is a public servant, sir. When Congress + is recessed, he makes himself acquainted with those free United States, of + which he is the gifted son.’ + </p> + <p> + It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had stayed at + home, and sent his shoes upon a tour, they would have answered the same + purpose; for they were the only part of him in a situation to see + anything. + </p> + <p> + In course of time, however, Mr Pogram rose; and having ejected certain + plugging consequences which would have impeded his articulation, took up a + position where there was something to lean against, and began to talk to + Martin; shading himself with the green umbrella all the time. + </p> + <p> + As he began with the words, ‘How do you like—?’ Martin took him up + and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘The country, I presume?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round to + hear what followed; and Martin heard his friend say, as he whispered to + another friend, and rubbed his hands, ‘Pogram will smash him into sky-blue + fits, I know!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ said Martin, after a moment’s hesitation, ‘I have learned by + experience, that you take an unfair advantage of a stranger, when you ask + that question. You don’t mean it to be answered, except in one way. Now, I + don’t choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot honestly answer it in + that way. And therefore, I would rather not answer it at all.’ + </p> + <p> + But Mr Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session about + foreign relations, and was going to write strong articles on the subject; + and as he greatly favoured the free and independent custom (a very + harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information of any sort in any + kind of confidence, and afterwards perverting it publicly in any manner + that happened to suit him, he had determined to get at Martin’s opinions + somehow or other. For if he could have got nothing out of him, he would + have had to invent it for him, and that would have been laborious. He made + a mental note of his answer, and went in again. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are from Eden, sir? How did you like Eden?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty strong + terms. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is strange,’ said Pogram, looking round upon the group, ‘this hatred + of our country, and her Institutions! This national antipathy is deeply + rooted in the British mind!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good Heaven, sir,’ cried Martin. ‘Is the Eden Land Corporation, with Mr + Scadder at its head, and all the misery it has worked, at its door, an + Institution of America? A part of any form of government that ever was + known or heard of?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I con-sider the cause of this to be,’ said Pogram, looking round again + and taking himself up where Martin had interrupted him, ‘partly jealousy + and pre-judice, and partly the nat’ral unfitness of the British people to + appreciate the ex-alted Institutions of our native land. I expect, sir,’ + turning to Martin again, ‘that a gentleman named Chollop happened in upon + you during your lo-cation in the town of Eden?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ answered Martin; ‘but my friend can answer this better than I can, + for I was very ill at the time. Mark! The gentleman is speaking of Mr + Chollop.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh. Yes, sir. Yes. I see him,’ observed Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘A splendid example of our na-tive raw material, sir?’ said Pogram, + interrogatively. + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed, sir!’ cried Mark. + </p> + <p> + The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he would + have said, ‘Observe this! See what follows!’ and they rendered tribute to + the Pogram genius by a gentle murmur. + </p> + <p> + ‘Our fellow-countryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur’s + mould!’ said Pogram, with enthusiasm. ‘He is a true-born child of this + free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; bright and + flowing as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering conventionalities as + air our broad and boundless Perearers! Rough he may be. So air our Barrs. + Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. But he is a child of Natur’, and a + child of Freedom; and his boastful answer to the Despot and the Tyrant is, + that his bright home is in the Settin Sun.’ + </p> + <p> + Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, who, + being a public defaulter not very long before (a character not at all + uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on whose behalf Mr + Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last sentence from his seat + in Congress, at the head of an unpopular President. It told brilliantly; + for the bystanders were delighted, and one of them said to Martin, ‘that + he guessed he had now seen something of the eloquential aspect of our + country, and was chawed up pritty small.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pogram waited until his hearers were calm again, before he said to + Mark: + </p> + <p> + ‘You do not seem to coincide, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ said Mark, ‘I didn’t like him much; and that’s the truth, sir. I + thought he was a bully; and I didn’t admire his carryin’ them murderous + little persuaders, and being so ready to use ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s singler!’ said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to look all + round from under it. ‘It’s strange! You observe the settled opposition to + our Institutions which pervades the British mind!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What an extraordinary people you are!’ cried Martin. ‘Are Mr Chollop and + the class he represents, an Institution here? Are pistols with revolving + barrels, sword-sticks, bowie-knives, and such things, Institutions on + which you pride yourselves? Are bloody duels, brutal combats, savage + assaults, shooting down and stabbing in the streets, your Institutions! + Why, I shall hear next that Dishonour and Fraud are among the Institutions + of the great republic!’ + </p> + <p> + The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram looked + round again. + </p> + <p> + ‘This morbid hatred of our Institutions,’ he observed, ‘is quite a study + for the psychological observer. He’s alludin’ to Repudiation now!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! you may make anything an Institution if you like,’ said Martin, + laughing, ‘and I confess you had me there, for you certainly have made + that one. But the greater part of these things are one Institution with + us, and we call it by the generic name of Old Bailey!’ + </p> + <p> + The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away into the + cabin, whither the Honourable Elijah Pogram fled with such precipitation + that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so tightly in the cabin + door that it could neither be let down nor got out. For a minute or so + this accident created a perfect rebellion among the hungry passengers + behind, who, seeing the dishes, and hearing the knives and forks at work, + well knew what would happen unless they got there instantly, and were + nearly mad; while several virtuous citizens at the table were in deadly + peril of choking themselves in their unnatural efforts to get rid of all + the meat before these others came. + </p> + <p> + They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the breach. + The Honourable Elijah Pogram and Martin found themselves, after a severe + struggle, side by side, as they might have come together in the pit of a + London theatre; and for four whole minutes afterwards, Pogram was snapping + up great blocks of everything he could get hold of, like a raven. When he + had taken this unusually protracted dinner, he began to talk to Martin; + and begged him not to have the least delicacy in speaking with perfect + freedom to him, for he was a calm philosopher. Which Martin was extremely + glad to hear; for he had begun to speculate on Elijah being a disciple of + that other school of republican philosophy, whose noble sentiments are + carved with knives upon a pupil’s body, and written, not with pen and ink, + but tar and feathers. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you think of my countrymen who are present, sir?’ inquired Elijah + Pogram. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! very pleasant,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + They were a very pleasant party. No man had spoken a word; every one had + been intent, as usual, on his own private gorging; and the greater part of + the company were decidedly dirty feeders. + </p> + <p> + The Honourable Elijah Pogram looked at Martin as if he thought ‘You don’t + mean that, I know!’ and he was soon confirmed in this opinion. + </p> + <p> + Sitting opposite to them was a gentleman in a high state of tobacco, who + wore quite a little beard, composed of the overflowing of that weed, as + they had dried about his mouth and chin; so common an ornament that it + would scarcely have attracted Martin’s observation, but that this good + citizen, burning to assert his equality against all comers, sucked his + knife for some moments, and made a cut with it at the butter, just as + Martin was in the act of taking some. There was a juiciness about the deed + that might have sickened a scavenger. + </p> + <p> + When Elijah Pogram (to whom this was an every-day incident) saw that + Martin put the plate away, and took no butter, he was quite delighted, and + said, + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! The morbid hatred of you British to the Institutions of our country + is as-<i>ton</i>ishing!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life!’ cried Martin, in his turn. ‘This is the most wonderful + community that ever existed. A man deliberately makes a hog of himself, + and <i>that’s</i> an Institution!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We have no time to ac-quire forms, sir,’ said Elijah Pogram. + </p> + <p> + ‘Acquire!’ cried Martin. ‘But it’s not a question of acquiring anything. + It’s a question of losing the natural politeness of a savage, and that + instinctive good breeding which admonishes one man not to offend and + disgust another. Don’t you think that man over the way, for instance, + naturally knows better, but considers it a very fine and independent thing + to be a brute in small matters?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is a na-tive of our country, and is nat’rally bright and spry, of + course,’ said Mr Pogram. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, observe what this comes to, Mr Pogram,’ pursued Martin. ‘The mass of + your countrymen begin by stubbornly neglecting little social observances, + which have nothing to do with gentility, custom, usage, government, or + country, but are acts of common, decent, natural, human politeness. You + abet them in this, by resenting all attacks upon their social offences as + if they were a beautiful national feature. From disregarding small + obligations they come in regular course to disregard great ones; and so + refuse to pay their debts. What they may do, or what they may refuse to do + next, I don’t know; but any man may see if he will, that it will be + something following in natural succession, and a part of one great growth, + which is rotten at the root.’ + </p> + <p> + The mind of Mr Pogram was too philosophical to see this; so they went on + deck again, where, resuming his former post, he chewed until he was in a + lethargic state, amounting to insensibility. + </p> + <p> + After a weary voyage of several days, they came again to that same wharf + where Mark had been so nearly left behind, on the night of starting for + Eden. Captain Kedgick, the landlord, was standing there, and was greatly + surprised to see them coming from the boat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what the ‘tarnal!’ cried the Captain. ‘Well! I do admire at this, I + do!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We can stay at your house until to-morrow, Captain, I suppose?’ said + Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I reckon you can stay there for a twelvemonth if you like,’ retorted + Kedgick coolly. ‘But our people won’t best like your coming back.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Won’t like it, Captain Kedgick!’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘They did expect you was a-going to settle,’ Kedgick answered, as he shook + his head. ‘They’ve been took in, you can’t deny!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean?’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You didn’t ought to have received ‘em,’ said the Captain. ‘No you + didn’t!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good friend,’ returned Martin, ‘did I want to receive them? Was it any + act of mine? Didn’t you tell me they would rile up, and that I should be + flayed like a wild cat—and threaten all kinds of vengeance, if I + didn’t receive them?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know about that,’ returned the Captain. ‘But when our people’s + frills is out, they’re starched up pretty stiff, I tell you!’ + </p> + <p> + With that, he fell into the rear to walk with Mark, while Martin and + Elijah Pogram went on to the National. + </p> + <p> + ‘We’ve come back alive, you see!’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t the thing I did expect,’ the Captain grumbled. ‘A man ain’t got + no right to be a public man, unless he meets the public views. Our + fashionable people wouldn’t have attended his le-vee, if they had know’d + it.’ + </p> + <p> + Nothing mollified the Captain, who persisted in taking it very ill that + they had not both died in Eden. The boarders at the National felt strongly + on the subject too; but it happened by good fortune that they had not much + time to think about this grievance, for it was suddenly determined to + pounce upon the Honourable Elijah Pogram, and give <i>him </i>a le-vee forthwith. + </p> + <p> + As the general evening meal of the house was over before the arrival of + the boat, Martin, Mark, and Pogram were taking tea and fixings at the + public table by themselves, when the deputation entered to announce this + honour; consisting of six gentlemen boarders and a very shrill boy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ said the spokesman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pogram!’ cried the shrill boy. + </p> + <p> + The spokesman thus reminded of the shrill boy’s presence, introduced him. + ‘Doctor Ginery Dunkle, sir. A gentleman of great poetical elements. He has + recently jined us here, sir, and is an acquisition to us, sir, I do assure + you. Yes, sir. Mr Jodd, sir. Mr Izzard, sir. Mr Julius Bib, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Julius Washington Merryweather Bib,’ said the gentleman himself <i>to</i> + himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir. Excuse me. Mr Julius Washington Merryweather Bib, + sir; a gentleman in the lumber line, sir, and much esteemed. Colonel + Groper, sir. Pro-fessor Piper, sir. My own name, sir, is Oscar Buffum.’ + </p> + <p> + Each man took one slide forward as he was named; butted at the Honourable + Elijah Pogram with his head; shook hands, and slid back again. The + introductions being completed, the spokesman resumed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pogram!’ cried the shrill boy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps,’ said the spokesman, with a hopeless look, ‘you will be so good, + Dr. Ginery Dunkle, as to charge yourself with the execution of our little + office, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + As there was nothing the shrill boy desired more, he immediately stepped + forward. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pogram! Sir! A handful of your fellow-citizens, sir, hearing of your + arrival at the National Hotel, and feeling the patriotic character of your + public services, wish, sir, to have the gratification of beholding you, + and mixing with you, sir; and unbending with you, sir, in those moments + which—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Air,’ suggested Buffum. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which air so peculiarly the lot, sir, of our great and happy country.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hear!’ cried Colonel Grouper, in a loud voice. ‘Good! Hear him! Good!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And therefore, sir,’ pursued the Doctor, ‘they request; as A mark Of + their respect; the honour of your company at a little le-Vee, sir, in the + ladies’ ordinary, at eight o’clock.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pogram bowed, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Fellow countrymen!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good!’ cried the Colonel. ‘Hear, him! Good!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pogram bowed to the Colonel individually, and then resumed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your approbation of My labours in the common cause goes to My heart. At + all times and in all places; in the ladies’ ordinary, My friends, and in + the Battle Field—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good, very good! Hear him! Hear him!’ said the Colonel. + </p> + <p> + ‘The name of Pogram will be proud to jine you. And may it, My friends, be + written on My tomb, “He was a member of the Congress of our common + country, and was ac-Tive in his trust.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Com-mittee, sir,’ said the shrill boy, ‘will wait upon you at five + minutes afore eight. I take My leave, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pogram shook hands with him, and everybody else, once more; and when + they came back again at five minutes before eight, they said, one by one, + in a melancholy voice, ‘How do you do, sir?’ and shook hands with Mr + Pogram all over again, as if he had been abroad for a twelvemonth in the + meantime, and they met, now, at a funeral. + </p> + <p> + But by this time Mr Pogram had freshened himself up, and had composed his + hair and features after the Pogram statue, so that any one with half an + eye might cry out, ‘There he is! as he delivered the Defiance!’ The + Committee were embellished also; and when they entered the ladies’ + ordinary in a body, there was much clapping of hands from ladies and + gentlemen, accompanied by cries of ‘Pogram! Pogram!’ and some standing up + on chairs to see him. + </p> + <p> + The object of the popular caress looked round the room as he walked up it, + and smiled; at the same time observing to the shrill boy, that he knew + something of the beauty of the daughters of their common country, but had + never seen it in such lustre and perfection as at that moment. Which the + shrill boy put in the paper next day; to Elijah Pogram’s great surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘We will re-quest you, sir, if you please,’ said Buffum, laying hands on + Mr Pogram as if he were taking his measure for a coat, ‘to stand up with + your back agin the wall right in the furthest corner, that there may be + more room for our fellow citizens. If you could set your back right slap + agin that curtain-peg, sir, keeping your left leg everlastingly behind the + stove, we should be fixed quite slick.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pogram did as he was told, and wedged himself into such a little corner + that the Pogram statue wouldn’t have known him. + </p> + <p> + The entertainments of the evening then began. Gentlemen brought ladies up, + and brought themselves up, and brought each other up; and asked Elijah + Pogram what he thought of this political question, and what he thought of + that; and looked at him, and looked at one another, and seemed very + unhappy indeed. The ladies on the chairs looked at Elijah Pogram through + their glasses, and said audibly, ‘I wish he’d speak. Why don’t he speak? + Oh, do ask him to speak!’ And Elijah Pogram looked sometimes at the ladies + and sometimes elsewhere, delivering senatorial opinions, as he was asked + for them. But the great end and object of the meeting seemed to be, not to + let Elijah Pogram out of the corner on any account; so there they kept + him, hard and fast. + </p> + <p> + A great bustle at the door, in the course of the evening, announced the + arrival of some remarkable person; and immediately afterwards an elderly + gentleman, much excited, was seen to precipitate himself upon the crowd, + and battle his way towards the Honourable Elijah Pogram. Martin, who had + found a snug place of observation in a distant corner, where he stood with + Mark beside him (for he did not so often forget him now as formerly, + though he still did sometimes), thought he knew this gentleman, but had no + doubt of it, when he cried as loud as he could, with his eyes starting out + of his head: + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir, Mrs Hominy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless that woman, Mark. She has turned up again!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here she comes, sir,’ answered Mr Tapley. ‘Pogram knows her. A public + character! Always got her eye upon her country, sir! If that there lady’s + husband is of my opinion, what a jolly old gentleman he must be!’ + </p> + <p> + A lane was made; and Mrs Hominy, with the aristocratic stalk, the pocket + handkerchief, the clasped hands, and the classical cap, came slowly up it, + in a procession of one. Mr Pogram testified emotions of delight on seeing + her, and a general hush prevailed. For it was known that when a woman like + Mrs Hominy encountered a man like Pogram, something interesting must be + said. + </p> + <p> + Their first salutations were exchanged in a voice too low to reach the + impatient ears of the throng; but they soon became audible, for Mrs Hominy + felt her position, and knew what was expected of her. + </p> + <p> + Mrs H. was hard upon him at first; and put him through a rigid catechism + in reference to a certain vote he had given, which she had found it + necessary, as the mother of the modern Gracchi, to deprecate in a line by + itself, set up expressly for the purpose in German text. But Mr Pogram + evading it by a well-timed allusion to the star-spangled banner, which, it + appeared, had the remarkable peculiarity of flouting the breeze whenever + it was hoisted where the wind blew, she forgave him. They now enlarged on + certain questions of tariff, commercial treaty, boundary, importation and + exportation with great effect. And Mrs Hominy not only talked, as the + saying is, like a book, but actually did talk her own books, word for + word. + </p> + <p> + ‘My! what is this!’ cried Mrs Hominy, opening a little note which was + handed her by her excited gentleman-usher. ‘Do tell! oh, well, now! on’y + think!’ + </p> + <p> + And then she read aloud, as follows: + </p> + <p> + ‘Two literary ladies present their compliments to the mother of the modern + Gracchi, and claim her kind introduction, as their talented countrywoman, + to the honourable (and distinguished) Elijah Pogram, whom the two L. L.‘s + have often contemplated in the speaking marble of the soul-subduing + Chiggle. On a verbal intimation from the mother of the M. G., that she + will comply with the request of the two L. L.‘s, they will have the + immediate pleasure of joining the galaxy assembled to do honour to the + patriotic conduct of a Pogram. It may be another bond of union between the + two L. L.‘s and the mother of the M. G. to observe, that the two L. L.‘s + are Transcendental.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Hominy promptly rose, and proceeded to the door, whence she returned, + after a minute’s interval, with the two L. L.‘s, whom she led, through the + lane in the crowd, with all that stateliness of deportment which was so + remarkably her own, up to the great Elijah Pogram. It was (as the shrill + boy cried out in an ecstasy) quite the Last Scene from Coriolanus. One of + the L. L.‘s wore a brown wig of uncommon size. Sticking on the forehead of + the other, by invisible means, was a massive cameo, in size and shape like + the raspberry tart which is ordinarily sold for a penny, representing on + its front the Capitol at Washington. + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Toppit, and Miss Codger!’ said Mrs Hominy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Codger’s the lady so often mentioned in the English newspapers I should + think, sir,’ whispered Mark. ‘The oldest inhabitant as never remembers + anything.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be presented to a Pogram,’ said Miss Codger, ‘by a Hominy, indeed, a + thrilling moment is it in its impressiveness on what we call our feelings. + But why we call them so, or why impressed they are, or if impressed they + are at all, or if at all we are, or if there really is, oh gasping one! a + Pogram or a Hominy, or any active principle to which we give those titles, + is a topic, Spirit searching, light abandoned, much too vast to enter on, + at this unlooked-for crisis.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind and matter,’ said the lady in the wig, ‘glide swift into the vortex + of immensity. Howls the sublime, and softly sleeps the calm Ideal, in the + whispering chambers of Imagination. To hear it, sweet it is. But then, + outlaughs the stern philosopher, and saith to the Grotesque, “What ho! + arrest for me that Agency. Go, bring it here!” And so the vision fadeth.’ + </p> + <p> + After this, they both took Mr Pogram by the hand, and pressed it to their + lips, as a patriotic palm. That homage paid, the mother of the modern + Gracchi called for chairs, and the three literary ladies went to work in + earnest, to bring poor Pogram out, and make him show himself in all his + brilliant colours. + </p> + <p> + How Pogram got out of his depth instantly, and how the three L. L.‘s were + never in theirs, is a piece of history not worth recording. Suffice it, + that being all four out of their depths, and all unable to swim, they + splashed up words in all directions, and floundered about famously. On the + whole, it was considered to have been the severest mental exercise ever + heard in the National Hotel. Tears stood in the shrill boy’s eyes several + times; and the whole company observed that their heads ached with the + effort—as well they might. + </p> + <p> + When it at last became necessary to release Elijah Pogram from the corner, + and the Committee saw him safely back again to the next room, they were + fervent in their admiration. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which,’ said Mr Buffum, ‘must have vent, or it will bust. Toe you, Mr + Pogram, I am grateful. Toe-wards you, sir, I am inspired with lofty + veneration, and with deep e-mo-tion. The sentiment Toe which I would + propose to give ex-pression, sir, is this: “May you ever be as firm, sir, + as your marble statter! May it ever be as great a terror Toe its ene-mies + as you.”’ + </p> + <p> + There is some reason to suppose that it was rather terrible to its + friends; being a statue of the Elevated or Goblin School, in which the + Honourable Elijah Pogram was represented as in a very high wind, with his + hair all standing on end, and his nostrils blown wide open. But Mr Pogram + thanked his friend and countryman for the aspiration to which he had given + utterance, and the Committee, after another solemn shaking of hands, + retired to bed, except the Doctor; who immediately repaired to the + newspaper-office, and there wrote a short poem suggested by the events of + the evening, beginning with fourteen stars, and headed, ‘A Fragment. + Suggested by witnessing the Honourable Elijah Pogram engaged in a + philosophical disputation with three of Columbia’s fairest daughters. By + Doctor Ginery Dunkle. Of Troy.’ + </p> + <p> + If Pogram was as glad to get to bed as Martin was, he must have been well + rewarded for his labours. They started off again next day (Martin and Mark + previously disposing of their goods to the storekeepers of whom they had + purchased them, for anything they would bring), and were fellow travellers + to within a short distance of New York. When Pogram was about to leave + them he grew thoughtful, and after pondering for some time, took Martin + aside. + </p> + <p> + ‘We air going to part, sir,’ said Pogram. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray don’t distress yourself,’ said Martin; ‘we must bear it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t that, sir,’ returned Pogram, ‘not at all. But I should wish you + to accept a copy of My oration.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you,’ said Martin, ‘you are very good. I shall be most happy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t quite that, sir, neither,’ resumed Pogram; ‘air you bold enough + to introduce a copy into your country?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly,’ said Martin. ‘Why not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Its sentiments air strong, sir,’ hinted Pogram, darkly. + </p> + <p> + ‘That makes no difference,’ said Martin. ‘I’ll take a dozen if you like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, sir,’ retorted Pogram. ‘Not A dozen. That is more than I require. If + you are content to run the hazard, sir, here is one for your Lord + Chancellor,’ producing it, ‘and one for Your principal Secretary of State. + I should wish them to see it, sir, as expressing what my opinions air. + That they may not plead ignorance at a future time. But don’t get into + danger, sir, on my account!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is not the least danger, I assure you,’ said Martin. So he put the + pamphlets in his pocket, and they parted. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bevan had written in his letter that, at a certain time, which fell out + happily just then, he would be at a certain hotel in the city, anxiously + expecting to see them. To this place they repaired without a moment’s + delay. They had the satisfaction of finding him within; and of being + received by their good friend, with his own warmth and heartiness. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am truly sorry and ashamed,’ said Martin, ‘to have begged of you. But + look at us. See what we are, and judge to what we are reduced!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So far from claiming to have done you any service,’ returned the other, + ‘I reproach myself with having been, unwittingly, the original cause of + your misfortunes. I no more supposed you would go to Eden on such + representations as you received; or, indeed, that you would do anything + but be dispossessed, by the readiest means, of your idea that fortunes + were so easily made here; than I thought of going to Eden myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The fact is, I closed with the thing in a mad and sanguine manner,’ said + Martin, ‘and the less said about it the better for me. Mark, here, hadn’t + a voice in the matter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! but he hadn’t a voice in any other matter, had he?’ returned Mr + Bevan; laughing with an air that showed his understanding of Mark and + Martin too. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a very powerful one, I am afraid,’ said Martin with a blush. ‘But + live and learn, Mr Bevan! Nearly die and learn; we learn the quicker.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ said their friend, ‘about your plans. You mean to return home at + once?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, I think so,’ returned Martin hastily, for he turned pale at the + thought of any other suggestion. ‘That is your opinion too, I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Unquestionably. For I don’t know why you ever came here; though it’s not + such an unusual case, I am sorry to say, that we need go any farther into + that. You don’t know that the ship in which you came over with our friend + General Fladdock, is in port, of course?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed!’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. And is advertised to sail to-morrow.’ + </p> + <p> + This was tempting news, but tantalising too; for Martin knew that his + getting any employment on board a ship of that class was hopeless. The + money in his pocket would not pay one-fourth of the sum he had already + borrowed, and if it had been enough for their passage-money, he could + hardly have resolved to spend it. He explained this to Mr Bevan, and + stated what their project was. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, that’s as wild as Eden every bit,’ returned his friend. ‘You must + take your passage like a Christian; at least, as like a Christian as a + fore-cabin passenger can; and owe me a few more dollars than you intend. + If Mark will go down to the ship and see what passengers there are, and + finds that you can go in her without being actually suffocated, my advice + is, go! You and I will look about us in the meantime (we won’t call at the + Norris’s unless you like), and we will all three dine together in the + afternoon.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin had nothing to express but gratitude, and so it was arranged. But + he went out of the room after Mark, and advised him to take their passage + in the Screw, though they lay upon the bare deck; which Mr Tapley, who + needed no entreaty on the subject readily promised to do. + </p> + <p> + When he and Martin met again, and were alone, he was in high spirits, and + evidently had something to communicate, in which he gloried very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ve done Mr Bevan, sir,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Done Mr Bevan!’ repeated Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘The cook of the Screw went and got married yesterday, sir,’ said Mr + Tapley. + </p> + <p> + Martin looked at him for farther explanation. + </p> + <p> + ‘And when I got on board, and the word was passed that it was me,’ said + Mark, ‘the mate he comes and asks me whether I’d engage to take this said + cook’s place upon the passage home. “For you’re used to it,” he says; “you + were always a-cooking for everybody on your passage out.” And so I was,’ + said Mark, ‘although I never cooked before, I’ll take my oath.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What did you say?’ demanded Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Say!’ cried Mark. ‘That I’d take anything I could get. “If that’s so,” + says the mate, “why, bring a glass of rum;” which they brought according. + And my wages, sir,’ said Mark in high glee, ‘pays your passage; and I’ve + put the rolling-pin in your berth to take it (it’s the easy one up in the + corner); and there we are, Rule Britannia, and Britons strike home!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There never was such a good fellow as you are!’ cried Martin seizing him + by the hand. ‘But what do you mean by “doing” Mr Bevan, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, don’t you see?’ said Mark. ‘We don’t tell him, you know. We take his + money, but we don’t spend it, and we don’t keep it. What we do is, write + him a little note, explaining this engagement, and roll it up, and leave + it at the bar, to be given to him after we are gone. Don’t you see?’ + </p> + <p> + Martin’s delight in this idea was not inferior to Mark’s. It was all done + as he proposed. They passed a cheerful evening; slept at the hotel; left + the letter as arranged; and went off to the ship betimes next morning, + with such light hearts as the weight of their past miseries engendered. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good-bye! a hundred thousand times good-bye!’ said Martin to their + friend. ‘How shall I remember all your kindness! How shall I ever thank + you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you ever become a rich man, or a powerful one,’ returned his friend, + ‘you shall try to make your Government more careful of its subjects when + they roam abroad to live. Tell it what you know of emigration in your own + case, and impress upon it how much suffering may be prevented with a + little pains!’ + </p> + <p> + Cheerily, lads, cheerily! Anchor weighed. Ship in full sail. Her sturdy + bowsprit pointing true to England. America a cloud upon the sea behind + them! + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Cook! what are you thinking of so steadily?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I was a-thinking, sir,’ returned Mark, ‘that if I was a painter and + was called upon to paint the American Eagle, how should I do it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Paint it as like an Eagle as you could, I suppose.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mark. ‘That wouldn’t do for me, sir. I should want to draw it + like a Bat, for its short-sightedness; like a Bantam, for its bragging; + like a Magpie, for its honesty; like a Peacock, for its vanity; like a + ostrich, for its putting its head in the mud, and thinking nobody sees it—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And like a Phoenix, for its power of springing from the ashes of its + faults and vices, and soaring up anew into the sky!’ said Martin. ‘Well, + Mark. Let us hope so.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0035" id="link2HCH0035"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE + </h2> + <p> + ARRIVING IN ENGLAND, MARTIN WITNESSES A CEREMONY, FROM WHICH HE DERIVES + THE CHEERING INFORMATION THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN IN HIS ABSENCE + </p> + <p> + It was mid-day, and high water in the English port for which the Screw was + bound, when, borne in gallantly upon the fullness of the tide, she let go + her anchor in the river. + </p> + <p> + Bright as the scene was; fresh, and full of motion; airy, free, and + sparkling; it was nothing to the life and exultation in the breasts of the + two travellers, at sight of the old churches, roofs, and darkened chimney + stacks of Home. The distant roar that swelled up hoarsely from the busy + streets, was music in their ears; the lines of people gazing from the + wharves, were friends held dear; the canopy of smoke that overhung the + town was brighter and more beautiful to them than if the richest silks of + Persia had been waving in the air. And though the water going on its + glistening track, turned, ever and again, aside to dance and sparkle round + great ships, and heave them up; and leaped from off the blades of oars, a + shower of diving diamonds; and wantoned with the idle boats, and swiftly + passed, in many a sportive chase, through obdurate old iron rings, set + deep into the stone-work of the quays; not even it was half so buoyant, + and so restless, as their fluttering hearts, when yearning to set foot, + once more, on native ground. + </p> + <p> + A year had passed since those same spires and roofs had faded from their + eyes. It seemed to them, a dozen years. Some trifling changes, here and + there, they called to mind; and wondered that they were so few and slight. + In health and fortune, prospect and resource, they came back poorer men + than they had gone away. But it was home. And though home is a name, a + word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit + answered to, in strongest conjuration. + </p> + <p> + Being set ashore, with very little money in their pockets, and no definite + plan of operation in their heads, they sought out a cheap tavern, where + they regaled upon a smoking steak, and certain flowing mugs of beer, as + only men just landed from the sea can revel in the generous dainties of + the earth. When they had feasted, as two grateful-tempered giants might + have done, they stirred the fire, drew back the glowing curtain from the + window, and making each a sofa for himself, by union of the great unwieldy + chairs, gazed blissfully into the street. + </p> + <p> + Even the street was made a fairy street, by being half hidden in an + atmosphere of steak, and strong, stout, stand-up English beer. For on the + window-glass hung such a mist, that Mr Tapley was obliged to rise and wipe + it with his handkerchief, before the passengers appeared like common + mortals. And even then, a spiral little cloud went curling up from their + two glasses of hot grog, which nearly hid them from each other. + </p> + <p> + It was one of those unaccountable little rooms which are never seen + anywhere but in a tavern, and are supposed to have got into taverns by + reason of the facilities afforded to the architect for getting drunk while + engaged in their construction. It had more corners in it than the brain of + an obstinate man; was full of mad closets, into which nothing could be put + that was not specially invented and made for that purpose; had mysterious + shelvings and bulkheads, and indications of staircases in the ceiling; and + was elaborately provided with a bell that rung in the room itself, about + two feet from the handle, and had no connection whatever with any other + part of the establishment. It was a little below the pavement, and abutted + close upon it; so that passengers grated against the window-panes with + their buttons, and scraped it with their baskets; and fearful boys + suddenly coming between a thoughtful guest and the light, derided him, or + put out their tongues as if he were a physician; or made white knobs on + the ends of their noses by flattening the same against the glass, and + vanished awfully, like spectres. + </p> + <p> + Martin and Mark sat looking at the people as they passed, debating every + now and then what their first step should be. + </p> + <p> + ‘We want to see Miss Mary, of course,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course,’ said Martin. ‘But I don’t know where she is. Not having had + the heart to write in our distress—you yourself thought silence most + advisable—and consequently, never having heard from her since we + left New York the first time, I don’t know where she is, my good fellow.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My opinion is, sir,’ returned Mark, ‘that what we’ve got to do is to + travel straight to the Dragon. There’s no need for you to go there, where + you’re known, unless you like. You may stop ten mile short of it. I’ll go + on. Mrs Lupin will tell me all the news. Mr Pinch will give me every + information that we want; and right glad Mr Pinch will be to do it. My + proposal is: To set off walking this afternoon. To stop when we are tired. + To get a lift when we can. To walk when we can’t. To do it at once, and do + it cheap.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Unless we do it cheap, we shall have some difficulty in doing it at all,’ + said Martin, pulling out the bank, and telling it over in his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘The greater reason for losing no time, sir,’ replied Mark. ‘Whereas, when + you’ve seen the young lady; and know what state of mind the old + gentleman’s in, and all about it; then you’ll know what to do next.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No doubt,’ said Martin. ‘You are quite right.’ + </p> + <p> + They were raising their glasses to their lips, when their hands stopped + midway, and their gaze was arrested by a figure which slowly, very slowly, + and reflectively, passed the window at that moment. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff. Placid, calm, but proud. Honestly proud. Dressed with + peculiar care, smiling with even more than usual blandness, pondering on + the beauties of his art with a mild abstraction from all sordid thoughts, + and gently travelling across the disc, as if he were a figure in a magic + lantern. + </p> + <p> + As Mr Pecksniff passed, a person coming in the opposite direction stopped + to look after him with great interest and respect, almost with veneration; + and the landlord bouncing out of the house, as if he had seen him too, + joined this person, and spoke to him, and shook his head gravely, and + looked after Mr Pecksniff likewise. + </p> + <p> + Martin and Mark sat staring at each other, as if they could not believe + it; but there stood the landlord, and the other man still. In spite of the + indignation with which this glimpse of Mr Pecksniff had inspired him, + Martin could not help laughing heartily. Neither could Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘We must inquire into this!’ said Martin. ‘Ask the landlord in, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley retired for that purpose, and immediately returned with their + large-headed host in safe convoy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, landlord!’ said Martin, ‘who is that gentleman who passed just now, + and whom you were looking after?’ + </p> + <p> + The landlord poked the fire as if, in his desire to make the most of his + answer, he had become indifferent even to the price of coals; and putting + his hands in his pockets, said, after inflating himself to give still + further effect to his reply: + </p> + <p> + ‘That, gentlemen, is the great Mr Pecksniff! The celebrated architect, + gentlemen!’ + </p> + <p> + He looked from one to the other while he said it, as if he were ready to + assist the first man who might be overcome by the intelligence. + </p> + <p> + ‘The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen.’ said the + landlord, ‘has come down here, to help to lay the first stone of a new and + splendid public building.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it to be built from his designs?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen,’ returned + the landlord, who seemed to have an unspeakable delight in the repetition + of these words, ‘carried off the First Premium, and will erect the + building.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who lays the stone?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Our member has come down express,’ returned the landlord. ‘No scrubs + would do for no such a purpose. Nothing less would satisfy our Directors + than our member in the House of Commons, who is returned upon the + Gentlemanly Interest.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which interest is that?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘What, don’t you know!’ returned the landlord. + </p> + <p> + It was quite clear the landlord didn’t. They always told him at election + time, that it was the Gentlemanly side, and he immediately put on his + top-boots, and voted for it. + </p> + <p> + ‘When does the ceremony take place?’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘This day,’ replied the landlord. Then pulling out his watch, he added, + impressively, ‘almost this minute.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin hastily inquired whether there was any possibility of getting in to + witness it; and finding that there would be no objection to the admittance + of any decent person, unless indeed the ground were full, hurried off with + Mark, as hard as they could go. + </p> + <p> + They were fortunate enough to squeeze themselves into a famous corner on + the ground, where they could see all that passed, without much dread of + being beheld by Mr Pecksniff in return. They were not a minute too soon, + for as they were in the act of congratulating each other, a great noise + was heard at some distance, and everybody looked towards the gate. Several + ladies prepared their pocket handkerchiefs for waving; and a stray teacher + belonging to the charity school being much cheered by mistake, was + immensely groaned at when detected. + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps he has Tom Pinch with him,’ Martin whispered Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘It would be rather too much of a treat for him, wouldn’t it, sir?’ + whispered Mr Tapley in return. + </p> + <p> + There was no time to discuss the probabilities either way, for the charity + school, in clean linen, came filing in two and two, so much to the + self-approval of all the people present who didn’t subscribe to it, that + many of them shed tears. A band of music followed, led by a conscientious + drummer who never left off. Then came a great many gentlemen with wands in + their hands, and bows on their breasts, whose share in the proceedings did + not appear to be distinctly laid down, and who trod upon each other, and + blocked up the entry for a considerable period. These were followed by the + Mayor and Corporation, all clustering round the member for the Gentlemanly + Interest; who had the great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect on his + right hand, and conversed with him familiarly as they came along. Then the + ladies waved their handkerchiefs, and the gentlemen their hats, and the + charity children shrieked, and the member for the Gentlemanly Interest + bowed. + </p> + <p> + Silence being restored, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest rubbed his + hands, and wagged his head, and looked about him pleasantly; and there was + nothing this member did, at which some lady or other did not burst into an + ecstatic waving of her pocket handkerchief. When he looked up at the + stone, they said how graceful! when he peeped into the hole, they said how + condescending! when he chatted with the Mayor, they said how easy! when he + folded his arms they cried with one accord, how statesman-like! + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was observed too, closely. When he talked to the Mayor, they + said, Oh, really, what a courtly man he was! When he laid his hand upon + the mason’s shoulder, giving him directions, how pleasant his demeanour to + the working classes; just the sort of man who made their toil a pleasure + to them, poor dear souls! + </p> + <p> + But now a silver trowel was brought; and when the member for the + Gentlemanly Interest, tucking up his coat-sleeve, did a little sleight of + hand with the mortar, the air was rent, so loud was the applause. The + workman-like manner in which he did it was amazing. No one could conceive + where such a gentlemanly creature could have picked the knowledge up. + </p> + <p> + When he had made a kind of dirt-pie under the direction of the mason, they + brought a little vase containing coins, the which the member for the + Gentlemanly Interest jingled, as if he were going to conjure. Whereat they + said how droll, how cheerful, what a flow of spirits! This put into its + place, an ancient scholar read the inscription, which was in Latin; not in + English; that would never do. It gave great satisfaction; especially every + time there was a good long substantive in the third declension, ablative + case, with an adjective to match; at which periods the assembly became + very tender, and were much affected. + </p> + <p> + And now the stone was lowered down into its place, amidst the shouting of + the concourse. When it was firmly fixed, the member for the Gentlemanly + Interest struck upon it thrice with the handle of the trowel, as if + inquiring, with a touch of humour, whether anybody was at home. Mr + Pecksniff then unrolled his Plans (prodigious plans they were), and people + gathered round to look at and admire them. + </p> + <p> + Martin, who had been fretting himself—quite unnecessarily, as Mark + thought—during the whole of these proceedings, could no longer + restrain his impatience; but stepping forward among several others, looked + straight over the shoulder of the unconscious Mr Pecksniff, at the designs + and plans he had unrolled. He returned to Mark, boiling with rage. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what’s the matter, sir?’ cried Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Matter! This is <i>my</i> building.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your building, sir!’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘My grammar-school. I invented it. I did it all. He has only put four + windows in, the villain, and spoilt it!’ + </p> + <p> + Mark could hardly believe it at first, but being assured that it was + really so, actually held him to prevent his interference foolishly, until + his temporary heat was past. In the meantime, the member addressed the + company on the gratifying deed which he had just performed. + </p> + <p> + He said that since he had sat in Parliament to represent the Gentlemanly + Interest of that town; and he might add, the Lady Interest, he hoped, + besides (pocket handkerchiefs); it had been his pleasant duty to come + among them, and to raise his voice on their behalf in Another Place + (pocket handkerchiefs and laughter), often. But he had never come among + them, and had never raised his voice, with half such pure, such deep, such + unalloyed delight, as now. ‘The present occasion,’ he said, ‘will ever be + memorable to me; not only for the reasons I have assigned, but because it + has afforded me an opportunity of becoming personally known to a gentleman—’ + </p> + <p> + Here he pointed the trowel at Mr Pecksniff, who was greeted with + vociferous cheering, and laid his hand upon his heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘To a gentleman who, I am happy to believe, will reap both distinction and + profit from this field; whose fame had previously penetrated to me—as + to whose ears has it not!—but whose intellectual countenance I never + had the distinguished honour to behold until this day, and whose + intellectual conversation I had never before the improving pleasure to + enjoy.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20571m.jpg" alt="20571m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20571.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Everybody seemed very glad of this, and applauded more than ever. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I hope my Honourable Friend,’ said the Gentlemanly member—of + course he added “if he will allow me to call him so,” and of course Mr + Pecksniff bowed—‘will give me many opportunities of cultivating the + knowledge of him; and that I may have the extraordinary gratification of + reflecting in after-time that I laid on this day two first stones, both + belonging to structures which shall last my life!’ + </p> + <p> + Great cheering again. All this time, Martin was cursing Mr Pecksniff up + hill and down dale. + </p> + <p> + ‘My friends!’ said Mr Pecksniff, in reply. ‘My duty is to build, not + speak; to act, not talk; to deal with marble, stone, and brick; not + language. I am very much affected. God bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + This address, pumped out apparently from Mr Pecksniff’s very heart, + brought the enthusiasm to its highest pitch. The pocket handkerchiefs were + waved again; the charity children were admonished to grow up Pecksniffs, + every boy among them; the Corporation, gentlemen with wands, member for + the Gentlemanly Interest, all cheered for Mr Pecksniff. Three cheers for + Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff, + gentlemen, if you please! One more, gentlemen, for Mr Pecksniff, and let + it be a good one to finish with! + </p> + <p> + In short, Mr Pecksniff was supposed to have done a great work and was very + kindly, courteously, and generously rewarded. When the procession moved + away, and Martin and Mark were left almost alone upon the ground, his + merits and a desire to acknowledge them formed the common topic. He was + only second to the Gentlemanly member. + </p> + <p> + ‘Compare the fellow’s situation to-day with ours!’ said Martin bitterly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless you, sir!’ cried Mark, ‘what’s the use? Some architects are + clever at making foundations, and some architects are clever at building + on ‘em when they’re made. But it’ll all come right in the end, sir; it’ll + all come right!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And in the meantime—’ began Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘In the meantime, as you say, sir, we have a deal to do, and far to go. So + sharp’s the word, and Jolly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are the best master in the world, Mark,’ said Martin, ‘and I will not + be a bad scholar if I can help it, I am resolved! So come! Best foot + foremost, old fellow!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0036" id="link2HCH0036"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX + </h2> + <h3> + TOM PINCH DEPARTS TO SEEK HIS FORTUNE. WHAT HE FINDS AT STARTING + </h3> + <p> + Oh! What a different town Salisbury was in Tom Pinch’s eyes to be sure, + when the substantial Pecksniff of his heart melted away into an idle + dream! He possessed the same faith in the wonderful shops, the same + intensified appreciation of the mystery and wickedness of the place; made + the same exalted estimate of its wealth, population, and resources; and + yet it was not the old city nor anything like it. He walked into the + market while they were getting breakfast ready for him at the Inn; and + though it was the same market as of old, crowded by the same buyers and + sellers; brisk with the same business; noisy with the same confusion of + tongues and cluttering of fowls in coops; fair with the same display of + rolls of butter, newly made, set forth in linen cloths of dazzling + whiteness; green with the same fresh show of dewy vegetables; dainty with + the same array in higglers’ baskets of small shaving-glasses, laces, + braces, trouser-straps, and hardware; savoury with the same unstinted show + of delicate pigs’ feet, and pies made precious by the pork that once had + walked upon them; still it was strangely changed to Tom. For, in the + centre of the market-place, he missed a statue he had set up there as in + all other places of his personal resort; and it looked cold and bare + without that ornament. + </p> + <p> + The change lay no deeper than this, for Tom was far from being sage enough + to know, that, having been disappointed in one man, it would have been a + strictly rational and eminently wise proceeding to have revenged himself + upon mankind in general, by mistrusting them one and all. Indeed this + piece of justice, though it is upheld by the authority of divers profound + poets and honourable men, bears a nearer resemblance to the justice of + that good Vizier in the Thousand-and-one Nights, who issues orders for the + destruction of all the Porters in Bagdad because one of that unfortunate + fraternity is supposed to have misconducted himself, than to any logical, + not to say Christian, system of conduct, known to the world in later + times. + </p> + <p> + Tom had so long been used to steep the Pecksniff of his fancy in his tea, + and spread him out upon his toast, and take him as a relish with his beer, + that he made but a poor breakfast on the first morning after his + expulsion. Nor did he much improve his appetite for dinner by seriously + considering his own affairs, and taking counsel thereon with his friend + the organist’s assistant. + </p> + <p> + The organist’s assistant gave it as his decided opinion that whatever Tom + did, he must go to London; for there was no place like it. Which may be + true in the main, though hardly, perhaps, in itself, a sufficient reason + for Tom’s going there. + </p> + <p> + But Tom had thought of London before, and had coupled with it thoughts of + his sister, and of his old friend John Westlock, whose advice he naturally + felt disposed to seek in this important crisis of his fortunes. To London, + therefore, he resolved to go; and he went away to the coach-office at + once, to secure his place. The coach being already full, he was obliged to + postpone his departure until the next night; but even this circumstance + had its bright side as well as its dark one, for though it threatened to + reduce his poor purse with unexpected country charges, it afforded him an + opportunity of writing to Mrs Lupin and appointing his box to be brought + to the old finger-post at the old time; which would enable him to take + that treasure with him to the metropolis, and save the expense of its + carriage. ‘So,’ said Tom, comforting himself, ‘it’s very nearly as broad + as it’s long.’ + </p> + <p> + And it cannot be denied that, when he had made up his mind to even this + extent, he felt an unaccustomed sense of freedom—a vague and + indistinct impression of holiday-making—which was very luxurious. He + had his moments of depression and anxiety, and they were, with good + reason, pretty numerous; but still, it was wonderfully pleasant to reflect + that he was his own master, and could plan and scheme for himself. It was + startling, thrilling, vast, difficult to understand; it was a stupendous + truth, teeming with responsibility and self-distrust; but in spite of all + his cares, it gave a curious relish to the viands at the Inn, and + interposed a dreamy haze between him and his prospects, in which they + sometimes showed to magical advantage. + </p> + <p> + In this unsettled state of mind, Tom went once more to bed in the low + four-poster, to the same immovable surprise of the effigies of the former + landlord and the fat ox; and in this condition, passed the whole of the + succeeding day. When the coach came round at last with ‘London’ blazoned + in letters of gold upon the boot, it gave Tom such a turn, that he was + half disposed to run away. But he didn’t do it; for he took his seat upon + the box instead, and looking down upon the four greys, felt as if he were + another grey himself, or, at all events, a part of the turn-out; and was + quite confused by the novelty and splendour of his situation. + </p> + <p> + And really it might have confused a less modest man than Tom to find + himself sitting next that coachman; for of all the swells that ever + flourished a whip professionally, he might have been elected emperor. He + didn’t handle his gloves like another man, but put them on—even when + he was standing on the pavement, quite detached from the coach—as if + the four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends of the fingers. It was + the same with his hat. He did things with his hat, which nothing but an + unlimited knowledge of horses and the wildest freedom of the road, could + ever have made him perfect in. Valuable little parcels were brought to him + with particular instructions, and he pitched them into this hat, and stuck + it on again; as if the laws of gravity did not admit of such an event as + its being knocked off or blown off, and nothing like an accident could + befall it. The guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day were written in his + very whiskers. His manners were a canter; his conversation a round trot. + He was a fast coach upon a down-hill turnpike road; he was all pace. A + waggon couldn’t have moved slowly, with that guard and his key-bugle on + the top of it. + </p> + <p> + These were all foreshadowings of London, Tom thought, as he sat upon the + box, and looked about him. Such a coachman, and such a guard, never could + have existed between Salisbury and any other place. The coach was none of + your steady-going, yokel coaches, but a swaggering, rakish, dissipated + London coach; up all night, and lying by all day, and leading a devil of a + life. It cared no more for Salisbury than if it had been a hamlet. It + rattled noisily through the best streets, defied the Cathedral, took the + worst corners sharpest, went cutting in everywhere, making everything get + out of its way; and spun along the open country-road, blowing a lively + defiance out of its key-bugle, as its last glad parting legacy. + </p> + <p> + It was a charming evening. Mild and bright. And even with the weight upon + his mind which arose out of the immensity and uncertainty of London, Tom + could not resist the captivating sense of rapid motion through the + pleasant air. The four greys skimmed along, as if they liked it quite as + well as Tom did; the bugle was in as high spirits as the greys; the + coachman chimed in sometimes with his voice; the wheels hummed cheerfully + in unison; the brass work on the harness was an orchestra of little bells; + and thus, as they went clinking, jingling, rattling smoothly on, the whole + concern, from the buckles of the leaders’ coupling-reins to the handle of + the hind boot, was one great instrument of music. + </p> + <p> + Yoho, past hedges, gates, and trees; past cottages and barns, and people + going home from work. Yoho, past donkey-chaises, drawn aside into the + ditch, and empty carts with rampant horses, whipped up at a bound upon the + little watercourse, and held by struggling carters close to the + five-barred gate, until the coach had passed the narrow turning in the + road. Yoho, by churches dropped down by themselves in quiet nooks, with + rustic burial-grounds about them, where the graves are green, and daisies + sleep—for it is evening—on the bosoms of the dead. Yoho, past + streams, in which the cattle cool their feet, and where the rushes grow; + past paddock-fences, farms, and rick-yards; past last year’s stacks, cut, + slice by slice, away, and showing, in the waning light, like ruined + gables, old and brown. Yoho, down the pebbly dip, and through the merry + water-splash and up at a canter to the level road again. Yoho! Yoho! + </p> + <p> + Was the box there, when they came up to the old finger-post? The box! Was + Mrs Lupin herself? Had she turned out magnificently as a hostess should, + in her own chaise-cart, and was she sitting in a mahogany chair, driving + her own horse Dragon (who ought to have been called Dumpling), and looking + lovely? Did the stage-coach pull up beside her, shaving her very wheel, + and even while the guard helped her man up with the trunk, did he send the + glad echoes of his bugle careering down the chimneys of the distant + Pecksniff, as if the coach expressed its exultation in the rescue of Tom + Pinch? + </p> + <p> + ‘This is kind indeed!’ said Tom, bending down to shake hands with her. ‘I + didn’t mean to give you this trouble.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Trouble, Mr Pinch!’ cried the hostess of the Dragon. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! It’s a pleasure to you, I know,’ said Tom, squeezing her hand + heartily. ‘Is there any news?’ + </p> + <p> + The hostess shook her head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Say you saw me,’ said Tom, ‘and that I was very bold and cheerful, and + not a bit down-hearted; and that I entreated her to be the same, for all + is certain to come right at last. Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll write when you get settled, Mr Pinch?’ said Mrs Lupin. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I get settled!’ cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his eyes. + ‘Oh, yes, I’ll write when I get settled. Perhaps I had better write + before, because I may find that it takes a little time to settle myself; + not having too much money, and having only one friend. I shall give your + love to the friend, by the way. You were always great with Mr Westlock, + you know. Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good-bye!’ said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long bottle + sticking out of it. ‘Take this. Good-bye!’ + + ‘Do you want me to carry it to London for you?’ cried Tom. She was already + turning the chaise-cart round. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Mrs Lupin. ‘It’s only a little something for refreshment on + the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir. All right! Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and then he + was waving his hand lustily; and so was she. + </p> + <p> + ‘And that’s the last of the old finger-post,’ thought Tom, straining his + eyes, ‘where I have so often stood to see this very coach go by, and where + I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare this coach to + some great monster that appeared at certain times to bear my friends away + into the world. And now it’s bearing me away, to seek my fortune, Heaven + knows where and how!’ + </p> + <p> + It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and back to + Pecksniff’s as of old; and being melancholy, he looked downwards at the + basket on his knee, which he had for the moment forgotten. + </p> + <p> + ‘She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,’ thought + Tom. ‘Now I <i>know </i>that she particularly told that man of hers not to look + at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a shilling! I had it ready + for him all the time, and he never once looked towards me; whereas that + man naturally, (for I know him very well,) would have done nothing but + grin and stare. Upon my word, the kindness of people perfectly melts me.’ + </p> + <p> + Here he caught the coachman’s eye. The coachman winked. ‘Remarkable fine + woman for her time of life,’ said the coachman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I quite agree with you,’ returned Tom. ‘So she is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Finer than many a young ‘un, I mean to say,’ observed the coachman. ‘Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Than many a young one,’ Tom assented. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t care for ‘em myself when they’re too young,’ remarked the + coachman. + </p> + <p> + This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called upon to + discuss. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll seldom find ‘em possessing correct opinions about refreshment, for + instance, when they’re too young, you know,’ said the coachman; ‘a woman + must have arrived at maturity, before her mind’s equal to coming provided + with a basket like that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps you would like to know what it contains?’ said Tom, smiling. + </p> + <p> + As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he unpacked + it, and put the articles, one by one, upon the footboard. A cold roast + fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece of cheese, a paper + of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some butter, a screw of salt, + and a bottle of old sherry. There was a letter besides, which Tom put in + his pocket. + </p> + <p> + The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin’s provident + habits, and congratulated Torn so warmly on his good fortune, that Tom + felt it necessary, for the lady’s sake, to explain that the basket was a + strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented to him in the way + of friendship. When he had made the statement with perfect gravity; for he + felt it incumbent on him to disabuse the mind of this lax rover of any + incorrect impressions on the subject; he signified that he would be happy + to share the gifts with him, and proposed that they should attack the + basket in a spirit of good fellowship at any time in the course of the + night which the coachman’s experience and knowledge of the road might + suggest, as being best adapted to the purpose. From this time they chatted + so pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely more of unicorns + than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard at the end of the + next stage, ‘that rum as the box-seat looked, he was as good a one to go, + in pint of conversation, as ever he’d wish to sit by.’ + </p> + <p> + Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep + reflections of the trees, but scampering on through light and darkness, + all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, were quite + enough to travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the village green, + where cricket-players linger yet, and every little indentation made in the + fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or player’s foot, sheds out its perfume + on the night. Away with four fresh horses from the Bald-faced Stag, where + topers congregate about the door admiring; and the last team with traces + hanging loose, go roaming off towards the pond, until observed and shouted + after by a dozen throats, while volunteering boys pursue them. Now, with a + clattering of hoofs and striking out of fiery sparks, across the old stone + bridge, and down again into the shadowy road, and through the open gate, + and far away, away, into the wold. Yoho! + </p> + <p> + Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over to + the front, along the coach-roof, guard, and make one at this basket! Not + that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather put the bits of + blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the snack. Ah! It is long + since this bottle of old wine was brought into contact with the mellow + breath of night, you may depend, and rare good stuff it is to wet a + bugler’s whistle with. Only try it. Don’t be afraid of turning up your + finger, Bill, another pull! Now, take your breath, and try the bugle, + Bill. There’s music! There’s a tone!’ over the hills and far away,’ + indeed. Yoho! The skittish mare is all alive to-night. Yoho! Yoho! + </p> + <p> + See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth reflect + the objects on its breast like water. Hedges, trees, low cottages, church + steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young slips, have all grown vain + upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate their own fair images till + morning. The poplars yonder rustle that their quivering leaves may see + themselves upon the ground. Not so the oak; trembling does not become <i>him</i>; + and he watches himself in his stout old burly steadfastness, without the + motion of a twig. The moss-grown gate, ill-poised upon its creaking + hinges, crippled and decayed swings to and fro before its glass, like some + fantastic dowager; while our own ghostly likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! + through ditch and brake, upon the ploughed land and the smooth, along the + steep hillside and steeper wall, as if it were a phantom-Hunter. + </p> + <p> + Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides it, but + a light airy gauze-like mist, which in our eyes of modest admiration gives + a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as real gauze has done + ere now, and would again, so please you, though we were the Pope. Yoho! + Why now we travel like the Moon herself. Hiding this minute in a grove of + trees; next minute in a patch of vapour; emerging now upon our broad clear + course; withdrawing now, but always dashing on, our journey is a + counter-part of hers. Yoho! A match against the Moon! + </p> + <p> + The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. Yoho! + Two stages, and the country roads are almost changed to a continuous + street. Yoho, past market-gardens, rows of houses, villas, crescents, + terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, carts; past early workmen, + late stragglers, drunken men, and sober carriers of loads; past brick and + mortar in its every shape; and in among the rattling pavements, where a + jaunty-seat upon a coach is not so easy to preserve! Yoho, down countless + turnings, and through countless mazy ways, until an old Innyard is gained, + and Tom Pinch, getting down quite stunned and giddy, is in London! + </p> + <p> + ‘Five minutes before the time, too!’ said the driver, as he received his + fee of Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word,’ said Tom, ‘I should not have minded very much, if we had + been five hours after it; for at this early hour I don’t know where to go, + or what to do with myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t they expect you then?’ inquired the driver. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who?’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why them,’ returned the driver. + </p> + <p> + His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom’s having come to + town to see an extensive circle of anxious relations and friends, that it + would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. Tom did not try. He + cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into the Inn, fell fast asleep + before a fire in one of the public rooms opening from the yard. When he + awoke, the people in the house were all astir, so he washed and dressed + himself; to his great refreshment after the journey; and, it being by that + time eight o’clock, went forth at once to see his old friend John. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock lived in Furnival’s Inn, High Holborn, which was within a + quarter of an hour’s walk of Tom’s starting-point, but seemed a long way + off, by reason of his going two or three miles out of the straight road to + make a short cut. When at last he arrived outside John’s door, two stories + up, he stood faltering with his hand upon the knocker, and trembled from + head to foot. For he was rendered very nervous by the thought of having to + relate what had fallen out between himself and Pecksniff; and he had a + misgiving that John would exult fearfully in the disclosure. + </p> + <p> + ‘But it must be made,’ thought Tom, ‘sooner or later; and I had better get + it over.’ + </p> + <p> + Rat tat. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid that’s not a London knock,’ thought Tom. ‘It didn’t sound + bold. Perhaps that’s the reason why nobody answers the door.’ + </p> + <p> + It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at the + knocker; wondering whereabouts in the neighbourhood a certain gentleman + resided, who was roaring out to somebody ‘Come in!’ with all his might. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless my soul!’ thought Tom at last. ‘Perhaps he lives here, and is + calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I open the door from the + outside, I wonder. Yes, to be sure I can.’ + </p> + <p> + To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he did + turn it the same voice came rushing out, crying ‘Why don’t you come in? + Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?’—quite + violently. + </p> + <p> + Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these sounds + proceeded, and had barely caught a glimpse of a gentleman in a + dressing-gown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put on), + sitting at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the said + gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting his tea-table, made a + plunge at Tom, and hugged him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Tom, my boy!’ cried the gentleman. ‘Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!’ said Tom Pinch, shaking both his + hands, and trembling more than ever. ‘How kind you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Westlock!’ repeated John, ‘what do you mean by that, Pinch? You have + not forgotten my Christian name, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, John, no. I have not forgotten,’ said Thomas Pinch. ‘Good gracious + me, how kind you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never saw such a fellow in all my life!’ cried John. ‘What do you mean + by saying <i>that </i>over and over again? What did you expect me to be, I + wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. How are you, my + boy? I am delighted to see you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And I am delighted to see <i>you</i>,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s mutual, of course,’ returned John. ‘It always was, I hope. If I had + known you had been coming, Tom, I would have had something for breakfast. + I would rather have such a surprise than the best breakfast in the world, + myself; but yours is another case, and I have no doubt you are as hungry + as a hunter. You must make out as well as you can, Tom, and we’ll + recompense ourselves at dinner-time. You take sugar, I know; I recollect + the sugar at Pecksniff’s. Ha, ha, ha! How <i>is</i> Pecksniff? When did you come + to town? <i>do</i> begin at something or other, Tom. There are only scraps here, + but they are not at all bad. Boar’s Head potted. Try it, Tom. Make a + beginning whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I am delighted to + see you.’ + </p> + <p> + While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great commotion, + John was constantly running backwards and forwards to and from the closet, + bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping extraordinary + quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French rolls into his boots, + pouring hot water over the butter, and making a variety of similar + mistakes without disconcerting himself in the least. + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and instantly + starting up again to make some other addition to the breakfast. ‘Now we + are as well off as we are likely to be till dinner. And now let us have + the news, Tom. Imprimis, how’s Pecksniff?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know how he is,’ was Tom’s grave answer. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock put the teapot down, and looked at him, in astonishment. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know how he is,’ said Thomas Pinch; ‘and, saving that I wish him + no ill, I don’t care. I have left him, John. I have left him for ever.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Voluntarily?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was + mistaken in him; and I could not have remained with him under any + circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate of his + character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has been very + painful and bitter to me to find this out, I do assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in mild + and gentle deprecation of his answering with a laugh. John Westlock would + as soon have thought of striking him down upon the floor. + </p> + <p> + ‘It was all a dream of mine,’ said Tom, ‘and it is over. I’ll tell you how + it happened, at some other time. Bear with my folly, John. I do not, just + now, like to think or speak about it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I swear to you, Tom,’ returned his friend, with great earnestness of + manner, after remaining silent for a few moments, ‘that when I see, as I + do now, how deeply you feel this, I don’t know whether to be glad or sorry + that you have made the discovery at last. I reproach myself with the + thought that I ever jested on the subject; I ought to have known better.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear friend,’ said Tom, extending his hand, ‘it is very generous and + gallant in you to receive me and my disclosure in this spirit; it makes me + blush to think that I should have felt a moment’s uneasiness as I came + along. You can’t think what a weight is lifted off my mind,’ said Tom, + taking up his knife and fork again, and looking very cheerful. ‘I shall + punish the Boar’s Head dreadfully.’ + </p> + <p> + The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to piling + up all kinds of irreconcilable and contradictory viands in Tom’s plate, + and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much the better for it Tom + felt. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all right,’ said John, after contemplating his visitor’s + proceedings with infinite satisfaction. ‘Now, about our plans. You are + going to stay with me, of course. Where’s your box?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s at the Inn,’ said Tom. ‘I didn’t intend—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never mind what you didn’t intend,’ John Westlock interposed. ‘What you + <i>did </i>intend is more to the purpose. You intended, in coming here, to ask my + advice, did you not, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And to take it when I gave it to you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ rejoined Tom, smiling, ‘if it were good advice, which, being yours, + I have no doubt it will be.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well. Then don’t be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, Tom, or I + shall shut up shop and dispense none of that invaluable commodity. You are + on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for you, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have no + doubt,’ was Tom’s reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister this + morning,’ pursued his friend, ‘and of course you will like to go there + alone. I’ll walk part of the way with you; and see about a little business + of my own, and meet you here again in the afternoon. Put that in your + pocket, Tom. It’s only the key of the door. If you come home first you’ll + want it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Really,’ said Tom, ‘quartering one’s self upon a friend in this way—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, there are two keys,’ interposed John Westlock. ‘I can’t open the + door with them both at once, can I? What a ridiculous fellow you are, Tom? + Nothing particular you’d like for dinner, is there?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of cherry + brandy, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!’ said Pinch ‘there’s + everything in ‘em!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor contrivances! the + sort of impromptu arrangements that might have suggested themselves to + Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that’s all. What do you say? Shall we + walk?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By all means,’ cried Tom. ‘As soon as you like.’ + </p> + <p> + Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, and put + his boots on, and dressed himself; giving Tom the paper to read in the + meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he found Tom in a brown + study, with the paper in his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dreaming, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Pinch, ‘No. I have been looking over the advertising sheet, + thinking there might be something in it which would be likely to suit me. + But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be that nobody is + suited. Here are all kinds of employers wanting all sorts of servants, and + all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of employers, and they never seem + to come together. Here is a gentleman in a public office in a position of + temporary difficulty, who wants to borrow five hundred pounds; and in the + very next advertisement here is another gentleman who has got exactly that + sum to lend. But he’ll never lend it to him, John, you’ll find! Here is a + lady possessing a moderate independence, who wants to board and lodge with + a quiet, cheerful family; and here is a family describing themselves in + those very words, “a quiet, cheerful family,” who want exactly such a lady + to come and live with them. But she’ll never go, John! Neither do any of + these single gentlemen who want an airy bedroom, with the occasional use + of a parlour, ever appear to come to terms with these other people who + live in a rural situation remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within + five minutes’ walk of the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the + alphabet who are always running away from their friends and being + entreated at the tops of columns to come back, never <i>do</i> come back, if we + may judge from the number of times they are asked to do it and don’t. It + really seems,’ said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful sigh, + ‘as if people had the same gratification in printing their complaints as + in making them known by word of mouth; as if they found it a comfort and + consolation to proclaim “I want such and such a thing, and I can’t get it, + and I don’t expect I ever shall!”’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock laughed at the idea, and they went out together. So many + years had passed since Tom was last in London, and he had known so little + of it then, that his interest in all he saw was very great. He was + particularly anxious, among other notorious localities, to have those + streets pointed out to him which were appropriated to the slaughter of + countrymen; and was quite disappointed to find, after half-an-hour’s + walking, that he hadn’t had his pocket picked. But on John Westlock’s + inventing a pickpocket for his gratification, and pointing out a highly + respectable stranger as one of that fraternity, he was much delighted. + </p> + <p> + His friend accompanied him to within a short distance of Camberwell and + having put him beyond the possibility of mistaking the wealthy + brass-and-copper founder’s, left him to make his visit. Arriving before + the great bell-handle, Tom gave it a gentle pull. The porter appeared. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray does Miss Pinch live here?’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pinch is governess here,’ replied the porter. + </p> + <p> + At the same time he looked at Tom from head to foot, as if he would have + said, ‘You are a nice man, <i>you </i>are; where did <i>you </i>come from?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s the same young lady,’ said Tom. ‘It’s quite right. Is she at home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know, I’m sure,’ rejoined the porter. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you think you could have the goodness to ascertain?’ said Tom. He had + quite a delicacy in offering the suggestion, for the possibility of such a + step did not appear to present itself to the porter’s mind at all. + </p> + <p> + The fact was that the porter in answering the gate-bell had, according to + usage, rung the house-bell (for it is as well to do these things in the + Baronial style while you are about it), and that there the functions of + his office had ceased. Being hired to open and shut the gate, and not to + explain himself to strangers, he left this little incident to be developed + by the footman with the tags, who, at this juncture, called out from the + door steps: + </p> + <p> + ‘Hollo, there! wot are you up to? This way, young man!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Tom, hurrying towards him. ‘I didn’t observe that there was + anybody else. Pray is Miss Pinch at home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s <i>in</i>,’ replied the footman. As much as to say to Tom: ‘But if you + think she has anything to do with the proprietorship of this place you had + better abandon that idea.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish to see her, if you please,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + The footman, being a lively young man, happened to have his attention + caught at that moment by the flight of a pigeon, in which he took so warm + an interest that his gaze was rivetted on the bird until it was quite out + of sight. He then invited Tom to come in, and showed him into a parlour. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hany neem?’ said the young man, pausing languidly at the door. + </p> + <p> + It was a good thought; because without providing the stranger, in case he + should happen to be of a warm temper, with a sufficient excuse for + knocking him down, it implied this young man’s estimate of his quality, + and relieved his breast of the oppressive burden of rating him in secret + as a nameless and obscure individual. + </p> + <p> + ‘Say her brother, if you please,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mother?’ drawled the footman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Brother,’ repeated Tom, slightly raising his voice. ‘And if you will say, + in the first instance, a gentleman, and then say her brother, I shall be + obliged to you, as she does not expect me or know I am in London, and I do + not wish to startle her.’ + </p> + <p> + The young man’s interest in Tom’s observations had ceased long before this + time, but he kindly waited until now; when, shutting the door, he + withdrew. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ said Tom. ‘This is very disrespectful and uncivil behaviour. I + hope these are new servants here, and that Ruth is very differently + treated.’ + </p> + <p> + His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of voices in the adjoining + room. They seemed to be engaged in high dispute, or in indignant reprimand + of some offender; and gathering strength occasionally, broke out into a + perfect whirlwind. It was in one of these gusts, as it appeared to Tom, + that the footman announced him; for an abrupt and unnatural calm took + place, and then a dead silence. He was standing before the window, + wondering what domestic quarrel might have caused these sounds, and hoping + Ruth had nothing to do with it, when the door opened, and his sister ran + into his arms. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, bless my soul!’ said Tom, looking at her with great pride, when they + had tenderly embraced each other, ‘how altered you are Ruth! I should + scarcely have known you, my love, if I had seen you anywhere else, I + declare! You are so improved,’ said Tom, with inexpressible delight; ‘you + are so womanly; you are so—positively, you know, you are so + handsome!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If <i>you </i>think so Tom—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, but everybody must think so, you know,’ said Tom, gently smoothing + down her hair. ‘It’s matter of fact; not opinion. But what’s the matter?’ + said Tom, looking at her more intently, ‘how flushed you are! and you have + been crying.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I have not, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nonsense,’ said her brother stoutly. ‘That’s a story. Don’t tell me! I + know better. What is it, dear? I’m not with Mr Pecksniff now. I am going + to try and settle myself in London; and if you are not happy here (as I + very much fear you are not, for I begin to think you have been deceiving + me with the kindest and most affectionate intention) you shall not remain + here.’ + </p> + <p> + Oh! Tom’s blood was rising; mind that! Perhaps the Boar’s Head had + something to do with it, but certainly the footman had. So had the sight + of his pretty sister—a great deal to do with it. Tom could bear a + good deal himself, but he was proud of her, and pride is a sensitive + thing. He began to think, ‘there are more Pecksniffs than one, perhaps,’ + and by all the pins and needles that run up and down in angry veins, Tom + was in a most unusual tingle all at once! + </p> + <p> + ‘We will talk about it, Tom,’ said Ruth, giving him another kiss to pacify + him. ‘I am afraid I cannot stay here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cannot!’ replied Tom. ‘Why then, you shall not, my love. Heyday! You are + not an object of charity! Upon my word!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was stopped in these exclamations by the footman, who brought a + message from his master, importing that he wished to speak with him before + he went, and with Miss Pinch also. + </p> + <p> + ‘Show the way,’ said Tom. ‘I’ll wait upon him at once.’ + </p> + <p> + Accordingly they entered the adjoining room from which the noise of + altercation had proceeded; and there they found a middle-aged gentleman, + with a pompous voice and manner, and a middle-aged lady, with what may be + termed an excisable face, or one in which starch and vinegar were + decidedly employed. There was likewise present that eldest pupil of Miss + Pinch, whom Mrs Todgers, on a previous occasion, had called a syrup, and + who was now weeping and sobbing spitefully. + </p> + <p> + ‘My brother, sir,’ said Ruth Pinch, timidly presenting Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried the gentleman, surveying Tom attentively. ‘You really are Miss + Pinch’s brother, I presume? You will excuse my asking. I don’t observe any + resemblance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pinch has a brother, I know,’ observed the lady. + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pinch is always talking about her brother, when she ought to be + engaged upon my education,’ sobbed the pupil. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sophia! Hold your tongue!’ observed the gentleman. ‘Sit down, if you + please,’ addressing Tom. + </p> + <p> + Tom sat down, looking from one face to another, in mute surprise. + </p> + <p> + ‘Remain here, if you please, Miss Pinch,’ pursued the gentleman, looking + slightly over his shoulder. + </p> + <p> + Tom interrupted him here, by rising to place a chair for his sister. + Having done which he sat down again. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad you chance to have called to see your sister to-day, sir,’ + resumed the brass-and-copper founder. ‘For although I do not approve, as a + principle, of any young person engaged in my family in the capacity of a + governess, receiving visitors, it happens in this case to be well timed. I + am sorry to inform you that we are not at all satisfied with your sister.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are very much <i>dis</i>satisfied with her,’ observed the lady. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’d never say another lesson to Miss Pinch if I was to be beat to death + for it!’ sobbed the pupil. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sophia!’ cried her father. ‘Hold your tongue!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you allow me to inquire what your ground of dissatisfaction is?’ + asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said the gentleman, ‘I will. I don’t recognize it as a right; but I + will. Your sister has not the slightest innate power of commanding + respect. It has been a constant source of difference between us. Although + she has been in this family for some time, and although the young lady who + is now present has almost, as it were, grown up under her tuition, that + young lady has no respect for her. Miss Pinch has been perfectly unable to + command my daughter’s respect, or to win my daughter’s confidence. Now,’ + said the gentleman, allowing the palm of his hand to fall gravely down + upon the table: ‘I maintain that there is something radically wrong in + that! You, as her brother, may be disposed to deny it—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir,’ said Tom. ‘I am not at all disposed to deny it. + I am sure that there is something radically wrong; radically monstrous, in + that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good Heavens!’ cried the gentleman, looking round the room with dignity, + ‘what do I find to be the case! what results obtrude themselves upon me as + flowing from this weakness of character on the part of Miss Pinch! What + are my feelings as a father, when, after my desire (repeatedly expressed + to Miss Pinch, as I think she will not venture to deny) that my daughter + should be choice in her expressions, genteel in her deportment, as becomes + her station in life, and politely distant to her inferiors in society, I + find her, only this very morning, addressing Miss Pinch herself as a + beggar!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A beggarly thing,’ observed the lady, in correction. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which is worse,’ said the gentleman, triumphantly; ‘which is worse. A + beggarly thing. A low, coarse, despicable expression!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Most despicable,’ cried Tom. ‘I am glad to find that there is a just + appreciation of it here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So just, sir,’ said the gentleman, lowering his voice to be the more + impressive. ‘So just, that, but for my knowing Miss Pinch to be an + unprotected young person, an orphan, and without friends, I would, as I + assured Miss Pinch, upon my veracity and personal character, a few minutes + ago, I would have severed the connection between us at that moment and + from that time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless my soul, sir!’ cried Tom, rising from his seat; for he was now + unable to contain himself any longer; ‘don’t allow such considerations as + those to influence you, pray. They don’t exist, sir. She is not + unprotected. She is ready to depart this instant. Ruth, my dear, get your + bonnet on!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, a pretty family!’ cried the lady. ‘Oh, he’s her brother! There’s no + doubt about that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As little doubt, madam,’ said Tom, ‘as that the young lady yonder is the + child of your teaching, and not my sister’s. Ruth, my dear, get your + bonnet on!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When you say, young man,’ interposed the brass-and-copper founder, + haughtily, ‘with that impertinence which is natural to you, and which I + therefore do not condescend to notice further, that the young lady, my + eldest daughter, has been educated by any one but Miss Pinch, you—I + needn’t proceed. You comprehend me fully. I have no doubt you are used to + it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir!’ cried Tom, after regarding him in silence for some little time. ‘If + you do not understand what I mean, I will tell you. If you do understand + what I mean, I beg you not to repeat that mode of expressing yourself in + answer to it. My meaning is, that no man can expect his children to + respect what he degrades.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha, ha!’ laughed the gentleman. ‘Cant! cant! The common cant!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The common story, sir!’ said Tom; ‘the story of a common mind. Your + governess cannot win the confidence and respect of your children, + forsooth! Let her begin by winning yours, and see what happens then.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pinch is getting her bonnet on, I trust, my dear?’ said the + gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I trust she is,’ said Tom, forestalling the reply. ‘I have no doubt she + is. In the meantime I address myself to you, sir. You made your statement + to me, sir; you required to see me for that purpose; and I have a right to + answer it. I am not loud or turbulent,’ said Tom, which was quite true, + ‘though I can scarcely say as much for you, in your manner of addressing + yourself to me. And I wish, on my sister’s behalf, to state the simple + truth.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You may state anything you like, young man,’ returned the gentleman, + affecting to yawn. ‘My dear, Miss Pinch’s money.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When you tell me,’ resumed Tom, who was not the less indignant for + keeping himself quiet, ‘that my sister has no innate power of commanding + the respect of your children, I must tell you it is not so; and that she + has. She is as well bred, as well taught, as well qualified by nature to + command respect, as any hirer of a governess you know. But when you place + her at a disadvantage in reference to every servant in your house, how can + you suppose, if you have the gift of common sense, that she is not in a + tenfold worse position in reference to your daughters?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pretty well! Upon my word,’ exclaimed the gentleman, ‘this is pretty + well!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is very ill, sir,’ said Tom. ‘It is very bad and mean, and wrong and + cruel. Respect! I believe young people are quick enough to observe and + imitate; and why or how should they respect whom no one else respects, and + everybody slights? And very partial they must grow—oh, very partial!—to + their studies, when they see to what a pass proficiency in those same + tasks has brought their governess! Respect! Put anything the most + deserving of respect before your daughters in the light in which you place + her, and you will bring it down as low, no matter what it is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You speak with extreme impertinence, young man,’ observed the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I speak without passion, but with extreme indignation and contempt for + such a course of treatment, and for all who practice it,’ said Tom. ‘Why, + how can you, as an honest gentleman, profess displeasure or surprise at + your daughter telling my sister she is something beggarly and humble, when + you are for ever telling her the same thing yourself in fifty plain, + outspeaking ways, though not in words; and when your very porter and + footman make the same delicate announcement to all comers? As to your + suspicion and distrust of her; even of her word; if she is not above their + reach, you have no right to employ her.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No right!’ cried the brass-and-copper founder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Distinctly not,’ Tom answered. ‘If you imagine that the payment of an + annual sum of money gives it to you, you immensely exaggerate its power + and value. Your money is the least part of your bargain in such a case. + You may be punctual in that to half a second on the clock, and yet be + Bankrupt. I have nothing more to say,’ said Tom, much flushed and + flustered, now that it was over, ‘except to crave permission to stand in + your garden until my sister is ready.’ + </p> + <p> + Not waiting to obtain it, Tom walked out. + </p> + <p> + Before he had well begun to cool, his sister joined him. She was crying; + and Tom could not bear that any one about the house should see her doing + that. + </p> + <p> + ‘They will think you are sorry to go,’ said Tom. ‘You are not sorry to + go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Tom, no. I have been anxious to go for a very long time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well, then! Don’t cry!’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am so sorry for <i>you</i>, dear,’ sobbed Tom’s sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘But you ought to be glad on my account,’ said Tom. ‘I shall be twice as + happy with you for a companion. Hold up your head. There! Now we go out as + we ought. Not blustering, you know, but firm and confident in ourselves.’ + </p> + <p> + The idea of Tom and his sister blustering, under any circumstances, was a + splendid absurdity. But Tom was very far from feeling it to be so, in his + excitement; and passed out at the gate with such severe determination + written in his face that the porter hardly knew him again. + </p> + <p> + It was not until they had walked some short distance, and Tom found + himself getting cooler and more collected, that he was quite restored to + himself by an inquiry from his sister, who said in her pleasant little + voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘Where are we going, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ said Tom, stopping, ‘I don’t know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t you—don’t you live anywhere, dear?’ asked Tom’s sister + looking wistfully in his face. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tom. ‘Not at present. Not exactly. I only arrived this morning. + We must have some lodgings.’ + </p> + <p> + He didn’t tell her that he had been going to stay with his friend John, + and could on no account think of billeting two inmates upon him, of whom + one was a young lady; for he knew that would make her uncomfortable, and + would cause her to regard herself as being an inconvenience to him. + Neither did he like to leave her anywhere while he called on John, and + told him of this change in his arrangements; for he was delicate of + seeming to encroach upon the generous and hospitable nature of his friend. + Therefore he said again, ‘We must have some lodgings, of course;’ and said + it as stoutly as if he had been a perfect Directory and Guide-Book to all + the lodgings in London. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where shall we go and look for ‘em?’ said Tom. ‘What do you think?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s sister was not much wiser on such a topic than he was. So she + squeezed her little purse into his coat-pocket, and folding the little + hand with which she did so on the other little hand with which she clasped + his arm, said nothing. + </p> + <p> + ‘It ought to be a cheap neighbourhood,’ said Tom, ‘and not too far from + London. Let me see. Should you think Islington a good place?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should think it was an excellent place, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It used to be called Merry Islington, once upon a time,’ said Tom. + ‘Perhaps it’s merry now; if so, it’s all the better. Eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If it’s not too dear,’ said Tom’s sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course, if it’s not too dear,’ assented Tom. ‘Well, where <i>is</i> + Islington? We can’t do better than go there, I should think. Let’s go.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s sister would have gone anywhere with him; so they walked off, arm in + arm, as comfortably as possible. Finding, presently, that Islington was + not in that neighbourhood, Tom made inquiries respecting a public + conveyance thither; which they soon obtained. As they rode along they were + very full of conversation indeed, Tom relating what had happened to him, + and Tom’s sister relating what had happened to her, and both finding a + great deal more to say than time to say it in; for they had only just + begun to talk, in comparison with what they had to tell each other, when + they reached their journey’s end. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now,’ said Tom, ‘we must first look out for some very unpretending + streets, and then look out for bills in the windows.’ + </p> + <p> + So they walked off again, quite as happily as if they had just stepped out + of a snug little house of their own, to look for lodgings on account of + somebody else. Tom’s simplicity was unabated, Heaven knows; but now that + he had somebody to rely upon him, he was stimulated to rely a little more + upon himself, and was, in his own opinion, quite a desperate fellow. + </p> + <p> + After roaming up and down for hours, looking at some scores of lodgings, + they began to find it rather fatiguing, especially as they saw none which + were at all adapted to their purpose. At length, however, in a singular + little old-fashioned house, up a blind street, they discovered two small + bedrooms and a triangular parlour, which promised to suit them well + enough. Their desiring to take possession immediately was a suspicious + circumstance, but even this was surmounted by the payment of their first + week’s rent, and a reference to John Westlock, Esquire, Furnival’s Inn, + High Holborn. + </p> + <p> + Ah! It was a goodly sight, when this important point was settled, to + behold Tom and his sister trotting round to the baker’s, and the + butcher’s, and the grocer’s, with a kind of dreadful delight in the + unaccustomed cares of housekeeping; taking secret counsel together as they + gave their small orders, and distracted by the least suggestion on the + part of the shopkeeper! When they got back to the triangular parlour, and + Tom’s sister, bustling to and fro, busy about a thousand pleasant + nothings, stopped every now and then to give old Tom a kiss or smile upon + him, Tom rubbed his hands as if all Islington were his. + </p> + <p> + It was late in the afternoon now, though, and high time for Tom to keep + his appointment. So, after agreeing with his sister that in consideration + of not having dined, they would venture on the extravagance of chops for + supper at nine, he walked out again to narrate these marvellous + occurrences to John. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am quite a family man all at once,’ thought Tom. ‘If I can only get + something to do, how comfortable Ruth and I may be! Ah, that if! But it’s + of no use to despond. I can but do that, when I have tried everything and + failed; and even then it won’t serve me much. Upon my word,’ thought Tom, + quickening his pace, ‘I don’t know what John will think has become of me. + He’ll begin to be afraid I have strayed into one of those streets where + the countrymen are murdered; and that I have been made meat pies of, or + some such horrible thing.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0037" id="link2HCH0037"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN + </h2> + <p> + TOM PINCH, GOING ASTRAY, FINDS THAT HE IS NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THAT + PREDICAMENT. HE RETALIATES UPON A FALLEN FOE + </p> + <p> + Tom’s evil genius did not lead him into the dens of any of those preparers + of cannibalic pastry, who are represented in many standard country legends + as doing a lively retail business in the Metropolis; nor did it mark him + out as the prey of ring-droppers, pea and thimble-riggers, duffers, + touters, or any of those bloodless sharpers, who are, perhaps, a little + better known to the Police. He fell into conversation with no gentleman + who took him into a public-house, where there happened to be another + gentleman who swore he had more money than any gentleman, and very soon + proved he had more money than one gentleman by taking his away from him; + neither did he fall into any other of the numerous man-traps which are set + up without notice, in the public grounds of this city. But he lost his + way. He very soon did that; and in trying to find it again he lost it more + and more. + </p> + <p> + Now, Tom, in his guileless distrust of London, thought himself very + knowing in coming to the determination that he would not ask to be + directed to Furnival’s Inn, if he could help it; unless, indeed, he should + happen to find himself near the Mint, or the Bank of England; in which + case he would step in, and ask a civil question or two, confiding in the + perfect respectability of the concern. So on he went, looking up all the + streets he came near, and going up half of them; and thus, by dint of not + being true to Goswell Street, and filing off into Aldermanbury, and + bewildering himself in Barbican, and being constant to the wrong point of + the compass in London Wall, and then getting himself crosswise into Thames + Street, by an instinct that would have been marvellous if he had had the + least desire or reason to go there, he found himself, at last, hard by the + Monument. + </p> + <p> + The Man in the Monument was quite as mysterious a being to Tom as the Man + in the Moon. It immediately occurred to him that the lonely creature who + held himself aloof from all mankind in that pillar like some old hermit + was the very man of whom to ask his way. Cold, he might be; little + sympathy he had, perhaps, with human passion—the column seemed too + tall for that; but if Truth didn’t live in the base of the Monument, + notwithstanding Pope’s couplet about the outside of it, where in London + (thought Tom) was she likely to be found! + </p> + <p> + Coming close below the pillar, it was a great encouragement to Tom to find + that the Man in the Monument had simple tastes; that stony and artificial + as his residence was, he still preserved some rustic recollections; that + he liked plants, hung up bird-cages, was not wholly cut off from fresh + groundsel, and kept young trees in tubs. The Man in the Monument, himself, + was sitting outside the door—his own door: the Monument-door: what a + grand idea!—and was actually yawning, as if there were no Monument + to stop his mouth, and give him a perpetual interest in his own existence. + </p> + <p> + Tom was advancing towards this remarkable creature, to inquire the way to + Furnival’s Inn, when two people came to see the Monument. They were a + gentleman and a lady; and the gentleman said, ‘How much a-piece?’ + </p> + <p> + The Man in the Monument replied, ‘A Tanner.’ + </p> + <p> + It seemed a low expression, compared with the Monument. + </p> + <p> + The gentleman put a shilling into his hand, and the Man in the Monument + opened a dark little door. When the gentleman and lady had passed out of + view, he shut it again, and came slowly back to his chair. + </p> + <p> + He sat down and laughed. + </p> + <p> + ‘They don’t know what a many steps there is!’ he said. ‘It’s worth twice + the money to stop here. Oh, my eye!’ + </p> + <p> + The Man in the Monument was a Cynic; a worldly man! Tom couldn’t ask his + way of <i>him</i>. He was prepared to put no confidence in anything he said. + </p> + <p> + ‘My gracious!’ cried a well-known voice behind Mr Pinch. ‘Why, to be sure + it is!’ + </p> + <p> + At the same time he was poked in the back by a parasol. Turning round to + inquire into this salute, he beheld the eldest daughter of his late + patron. + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pecksniff!’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, my goodness, Mr Pinch!’ cried Cherry. ‘What are you doing here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have rather wandered from my way,’ said Tom. ‘I—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope you have run away,’ said Charity. ‘It would be quite spirited and + proper if you had, when my Papa so far forgets himself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have left him,’ returned Tom. ‘But it was perfectly understood on both + sides. It was not done clandestinely.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is he married?’ asked Cherry, with a spasmodic shake of her chin. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, not yet,’ said Tom, colouring; ‘to tell you the truth, I don’t think + he is likely to be, if—if Miss Graham is the object of his passion.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tcha, Mr Pinch!’ cried Charity, with sharp impatience, ‘you’re very + easily deceived. You don’t know the arts of which such a creature is + capable. Oh! it’s a wicked world.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not married?’ Tom hinted, to divert the conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘N—no!’ said Cherry, tracing out one particular paving-stone in + Monument Yard with the end of her parasol. ‘I—but really it’s quite + impossible to explain. Won’t you walk in?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You live here, then?’ said Tom + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ returned Miss Pecksniff, pointing with her parasol to Todgers’s; ‘I + reside with this lady, <i>at</i> <i>present</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + The great stress on the two last words suggested to Tom that he was + expected to say something in reference to them. So he said. + </p> + <p> + ‘Only at present! Are you going home again soon?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Mr Pinch,’ returned Charity. ‘No, thank you. No! A mother-in-law who + is younger than—I mean to say, who is as nearly as possible about + the same age as one’s self, would not quite suit my spirit. Not quite!’ + said Cherry, with a spiteful shiver. + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought from your saying “at present”’—Tom observed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Really, upon my word! I had no idea you would press me so very closely on + the subject, Mr Pinch,’ said Charity, blushing, ‘or I should not have been + so foolish as to allude to—oh really!—won’t you walk in?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom mentioned, to excuse himself, that he had an appointment in Furnival’s + Inn, and that coming from Islington he had taken a few wrong turnings, and + arrived at the Monument instead. Miss Pecksniff simpered very much when he + asked her if she knew the way to Furnival’s Inn, and at length found + courage to reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘A gentleman who is a friend of mine, or at least who is not exactly a + friend so much as a sort of acquaintance—Oh upon my word, I hardly + know what I say, Mr Pinch; you mustn’t suppose there is any engagement + between us; or at least if there is, that it is at all a settled thing as + yet—is going to Furnival’s Inn immediately, I believe upon a little + business, and I am sure he would be very glad to accompany you, so as to + prevent your going wrong again. You had better walk in. You will very + likely find my sister Merry here,’ she said with a curious toss of her + head, and anything but an agreeable smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then, I think, I’ll endeavour to find my way alone,’ said Tom, ‘for I + fear she would not be very glad to see me. That unfortunate occurrence, in + relation to which you and I had some amicable words together, in private, + is not likely to have impressed her with any friendly feeling towards me. + Though it really was not my fault.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She has never heard of that, you may depend,’ said Cherry, gathering up + the corners of her mouth, and nodding at Tom. ‘I am far from sure that she + would bear you any mighty ill will for it, if she had.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t say so?’ cried Tom, who was really concerned by this + insinuation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say nothing,’ said Charity. ‘If I had not already known what shocking + things treachery and deceit are in themselves, Mr Pinch, I might perhaps + have learnt it from the success they meet with—from the success they + meet with.’ Here she smiled as before. ‘But I don’t say anything. On the + contrary, I should scorn it. You had better walk in!’ + </p> + <p> + There was something hidden here, which piqued Tom’s interest and troubled + his tender heart. When, in a moment’s irresolution, he looked at Charity, + he could not but observe a struggle in her face between a sense of triumph + and a sense of shame; nor could he but remark how, meeting even his eyes, + which she cared so little for, she turned away her own, for all the + splenetic defiance in her manner. + </p> + <p> + An uneasy thought entered Tom’s head; a shadowy misgiving that the altered + relations between himself and Pecksniff were somehow to involve an altered + knowledge on his part of other people, and were to give him an insight + into much of which he had had no previous suspicion. And yet he put no + definite construction upon Charity’s proceedings. He certainly had no idea + that as he had been the audience and spectator of her mortification, she + grasped with eager delight at any opportunity of reproaching her sister + with his presence in <i>her </i>far deeper misery; for he knew nothing of it, and + only pictured that sister as the same giddy, careless, trivial creature + she always had been, with the same slight estimation of himself which she + had never been at the least pains to conceal. In short, he had merely a + confused impression that Miss Pecksniff was not quite sisterly or kind; + and being curious to set it right, accompanied her as she desired. + </p> + <p> + The house-door being opened, she went in before Tom, requesting him to + follow her; and led the way to the parlour door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Merry!’ she said, looking in, ‘I am so glad you have not gone home. + Who do you think I have met in the street, and brought to see you! Mr + Pinch! There. Now you <i>are </i>surprised, I am sure!’ + </p> + <p> + Not more surprised than Tom was, when he looked upon her. Not so much. Not + half so much. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Pinch has left Papa, my dear,’ said Cherry, ‘and his prospects are + quite flourishing. I have promised that Augustus, who is going that way, + shall escort him to the place he wants. Augustus, my child, where are + you?’ + </p> + <p> + With these words Miss Pecksniff screamed her way out of the parlour, + calling on Augustus Moddle to appear; and left Tom Pinch alone with her + sister. + </p> + <p> + If she had always been his kindest friend; if she had treated him through + all his servitude with such consideration as was never yet received by + struggling man; if she had lightened every moment of those many years, and + had ever spared and never wounded him; his honest heart could not have + swelled before her with a deeper pity, or a purer freedom from all base + remembrance than it did then. + </p> + <p> + ‘My gracious me! You are really the last person in the world I should have + thought of seeing, I am sure!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was sorry to hear her speaking in her old manner. He had not expected + that. Yet he did not feel it a contradiction that he should be sorry to + see her so unlike her old self, and sorry at the same time to hear her + speaking in her old manner. The two things seemed quite natural. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wonder you find any gratification in coming to see me. I can’t think + what put it in your head. I never had much in seeing you. There was no + love lost between us, Mr Pinch, at any time, I think.’ + </p> + <p> + Her bonnet lay beside her on the sofa, and she was very busy with the + ribbons as she spoke. Much too busy to be conscious of the work her + fingers did. + </p> + <p> + ‘We never quarrelled,’ said Tom.—Tom was right in that, for one + person can no more quarrel without an adversary, than one person can play + at chess, or fight a duel. ‘I hoped you would be glad to shake hands with + an old friend. Don’t let us rake up bygones,’ said Tom. ‘If I ever + offended you, forgive me.’ + </p> + <p> + She looked at him for a moment; dropped her bonnet from her hands; spread + them before her altered face, and burst into tears. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Mr Pinch!’ she said, ‘although I never used you well, I did believe + your nature was forgiving. I did not think you could be cruel.’ + </p> + <p> + She spoke as little like her old self now, for certain, as Tom could + possibly have wished. But she seemed to be appealing to him reproachfully, + and he did not understand her. + </p> + <p> + ‘I seldom showed it—never—I know that. But I had that belief + in you, that if I had been asked to name the person in the world least + likely to retort upon me, I would have named you, confidently.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Would have named me!’ Tom repeated. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ she said with energy, ‘and I have often thought so.’ + </p> + <p> + After a moment’s reflection, Tom sat himself upon a chair beside her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you believe,’ said Tom, ‘oh, can you think, that what I said just now, + I said with any but the true and plain intention which my words professed? + I mean it, in the spirit and the letter. If I ever offended you, forgive + me; I may have done so, many times. You never injured or offended me. How, + then, could I possibly retort, if even I were stern and bad enough to wish + to do it!’ + </p> + <p> + After a little while she thanked him, through her tears and sobs, and told + him she had never been at once so sorry and so comforted, since she left + home. Still she wept bitterly; and it was the greater pain to Tom to see + her weeping, from her standing in especial need, just then, of sympathy + and tenderness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, come!’ said Tom, ‘you used to be as cheerful as the day was long.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! used!’ she cried, in such a tone as rent Tom’s heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘And will be again,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, never more. No, never, never more. If you should talk with old Mr + Chuzzlewit, at any time,’ she added, looking hurriedly into his face—‘I + sometimes thought he liked you, but suppressed it—will you promise + me to tell him that you saw me here, and that I said I bore in mind the + time we talked together in the churchyard?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom promised that he would. + </p> + <p> + ‘Many times since then, when I have wished I had been carried there before + that day, I have recalled his words. I wish that he should know how true + they were, although the least acknowledgment to that effect has never + passed my lips and never will.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom promised this, conditionally too. He did not tell her how improbable + it was that he and the old man would ever meet again, because he thought + it might disturb her more. + </p> + <p> + ‘If he should ever know this, through your means, dear Mr Pinch,’ said + Mercy, ‘tell him that I sent the message, not for myself, but that he + might be more forbearing and more patient, and more trustful to some other + person, in some other time of need. Tell him that if he could know how my + heart trembled in the balance that day, and what a very little would have + turned the scale, his own would bleed with pity for me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes,’ said Tom, ‘I will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When I appeared to him the most unworthy of his help, I was—I know + I was, for I have often, often, thought about it since—the most + inclined to yield to what he showed me. Oh! if he had relented but a + little more; if he had thrown himself in my way for but one other quarter + of an hour; if he had extended his compassion for a vain, unthinking, + miserable girl, in but the least degree; he might, and I believe he would, + have saved her! Tell him that I don’t blame him, but am grateful for the + effort that he made; but ask him for the love of God, and youth, and in + merciful consideration for the struggle which an ill-advised and unwakened + nature makes to hide the strength it thinks its weakness—ask him + never, never, to forget this, when he deals with one again!’ + </p> + <p> + Although Tom did not hold the clue to her full meaning, he could guess it + pretty nearly. Touched to the quick, he took her hand and said, or meant + to say, some words of consolation. She felt and understood them, whether + they were spoken or no. He was not quite certain, afterwards, but that she + had tried to kneel down at his feet, and bless him. + </p> + <p> + He found that he was not alone in the room when she had left it. Mrs + Todgers was there, shaking her head. Tom had never seen Mrs Todgers, it is + needless to say, but he had a perception of her being the lady of the + house; and he saw some genuine compassion in her eyes, that won his good + opinion. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, sir! You are an old friend, I see,’ said Mrs Todgers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘And yet,’ quoth Mrs Todgers, shutting the door softly, ‘she hasn’t told + you what her troubles are, I’m certain.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was struck by these words, for they were quite true. ‘Indeed,’ he + said, ‘she has not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And never would,’ said Mrs Todgers, ‘if you saw her daily. She never + makes the least complaint to me, or utters a single word of explanation or + reproach. But I know,’ said Mrs Todgers, drawing in her breath, ‘I know!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom nodded sorrowfully, ‘So do I.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I fully believe,’ said Mrs Todgers, taking her pocket-handkerchief from + the flat reticule, ‘that nobody can tell one half of what that poor young + creature has to undergo. But though she comes here, constantly, to ease + her poor full heart without his knowing it; and saying, “Mrs Todgers, I am + very low to-day; I think that I shall soon be dead,” sits crying in my + room until the fit is past; I know no more from her. And, I believe,’ said + Mrs Todgers, putting back her handkerchief again, ‘that she considers me a + good friend too.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers might have said her best friend. Commercial gentlemen and + gravy had tried Mrs Todgers’s temper; the main chance—it was such a + very small one in her case, that she might have been excused for looking + sharp after it, lest it should entirely vanish from her sight—had + taken a firm hold on Mrs Todgers’s attention. But in some odd nook in Mrs + Todgers’s breast, up a great many steps, and in a corner easy to be + overlooked, there was a secret door, with ‘Woman’ written on the spring, + which, at a touch from Mercy’s hand, had flown wide open, and admitted her + for shelter. + </p> + <p> + When boarding-house accounts are balanced with all other ledgers, and the + books of the Recording Angel are made up for ever, perhaps there may be + seen an entry to thy credit, lean Mrs Todgers, which shall make thee + beautiful! + </p> + <p> + She was growing beautiful so rapidly in Tom’s eyes; for he saw that she + was poor, and that this good had sprung up in her from among the sordid + strivings of her life; that she might have been a very Venus in a minute + more, if Miss Pecksniff had not entered with her friend. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Thomas Pinch!’ said Charity, performing the ceremony of introduction + with evident pride. ‘Mr Moddle. Where’s my sister?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Gone, Miss Pecksniff,’ Mrs Todgers answered. ‘She had appointed to be + home.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Charity, looking at Tom. ‘Oh, dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s greatly altered since she’s been Anoth—since she’s been + married, Mrs Todgers!’ observed Moddle. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Augustus!’ said Miss Pecksniff, in a low voice. ‘I verily believe + you have said that fifty thousand times, in my hearing. What a Prose you + are!’ + </p> + <p> + This was succeeded by some trifling love passages, which appeared to + originate with, if not to be wholly carried on by Miss Pecksniff. At any + rate, Mr Moddle was much slower in his responses than is customary with + young lovers, and exhibited a lowness of spirits which was quite + oppressive. + </p> + <p> + He did not improve at all when Tom and he were in the streets, but sighed + so dismally that it was dreadful to hear him. As a means of cheering him + up, Tom told him that he wished him joy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Joy!’ cried Moddle. ‘Ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What an extraordinary young man!’ thought Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Scorner has not set his seal upon you. <i>you </i>care what becomes of you?’ + said Moddle. + </p> + <p> + Tom admitted that it was a subject in which he certainly felt some + interest. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t,’ said Mr Moddle. ‘The Elements may have me when they please. I’m + ready.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom inferred from these, and other expressions of the same nature, that he + was jealous. Therefore he allowed him to take his own course; which was + such a gloomy one, that he felt a load removed from his mind when they + parted company at the gate of Furnival’s Inn. + </p> + <p> + It was now a couple of hours past John Westlock’s dinner-time; and he was + walking up and down the room, quite anxious for Tom’s safety. The table + was spread; the wine was carefully decanted; and the dinner smelt + delicious. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Tom, old boy, where on earth have you been? Your box is here. Get + your boots off instantly, and sit down!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry to say I can’t stay, John,’ replied Tom Pinch, who was + breathless with the haste he had made in running up the stairs. + </p> + <p> + ‘Can’t stay!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you’ll go on with your dinner,’ said Tom, ‘I’ll tell you my reason the + while. I mustn’t eat myself, or I shall have no appetite for the chops.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There are no chops here, my food fellow.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. But there are at Islington,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock was perfectly confounded by this reply, and vowed he would + not touch a morsel until Tom had explained himself fully. So Tom sat down, + and told him all; to which he listened with the greatest interest. + </p> + <p> + He knew Tom too well, and respected his delicacy too much, to ask him why + he had taken these measures without communicating with him first. He quite + concurred in the expediency of Tom’s immediately returning to his sister, + as he knew so little of the place in which he had left her, and + good-humouredly proposed to ride back with him in a cab, in which he might + convey his box. Tom’s proposition that he should sup with them that night, + he flatly rejected, but made an appointment with him for the morrow. ‘And + now Tom,’ he said, as they rode along, ‘I have a question to ask you to + which I expect a manly and straightforward answer. Do you want any money? + I am pretty sure you do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t indeed,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I believe you are deceiving me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. With many thanks to you, I am quite in earnest,’ Tom replied. ‘My + sister has some money, and so have I. If I had nothing else, John, I have + a five-pound note, which that good creature, Mrs Lupin, of the Dragon, + handed up to me outside the coach, in a letter begging me to borrow it; + and then drove off as hard as she could go.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And a blessing on every dimple in her handsome face, say I!’ cried John, + ‘though why you should give her the preference over me, I don’t know. + Never mind. I bide my time, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And I hope you’ll continue to bide it,’ returned Tom, gayly. ‘For I owe + you more, already, in a hundred other ways, than I can ever hope to pay.’ + </p> + <p> + They parted at the door of Tom’s new residence. John Westlock, sitting in + the cab, and, catching a glimpse of a blooming little busy creature + darting out to kiss Tom and to help him with his box, would not have had + the least objection to change places with him. + </p> + <p> + Well! she <i>was </i>a cheerful little thing; and had a quaint, bright quietness + about her that was infinitely pleasant. Surely she was the best sauce for + chops ever invented. The potatoes seemed to take a pleasure in sending up + their grateful steam before her; the froth upon the pint of porter pouted + to attract her notice. But it was all in vain. She saw nothing but Tom. + Tom was the first and last thing in the world. + </p> + <p> + As she sat opposite to Tom at supper, fingering one of Tom’s pet tunes + upon the table-cloth, and smiling in his face, he had never been so happy + in his life. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0038" id="link2HCH0038"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT + </h2> + <h3> + SECRET SERVICE + </h3> + <p> + In walking from the city with his sentimental friend, Tom Pinch had looked + into the face, and brushed against the threadbare sleeve, of Mr Nadgett, + man of mystery to the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance + Company. Mr Nadgett naturally passed away from Tom’s remembrance as he + passed out of his view; for he didn’t know him, and had never heard his + name. + </p> + <p> + As there are a vast number of people in the huge metropolis of England who + rise up every morning not knowing where their heads will rest at night, so + there are a multitude who shooting arrows over houses as their daily + business, never know on whom they fall. Mr Nadgett might have passed Tom + Pinch ten thousand times; might even have been quite familiar with his + face, his name, pursuits, and character; yet never once have dreamed that + Tom had any interest in any act or mystery of his. Tom might have done the + like by him of course. But the same private man out of all the men alive, + was in the mind of each at the same moment; was prominently connected + though in a different manner, with the day’s adventures of both; and + formed, when they passed each other in the street, the one absorbing topic + of their thoughts. + </p> + <p> + Why Tom had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his mind requires no explanation. Why Mr + Nadgett should have had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his, is quite another thing. + </p> + <p> + But, somehow or other, that amiable and worthy orphan had become a part of + the mystery of Mr Nadgett’s existence. Mr Nadgett took an interest in his + lightest proceedings; and it never flagged or wavered. He watched him in + and out of the Assurance Office, where he was now formally installed as a + Director; he dogged his footsteps in the streets; he stood listening when + he talked; he sat in coffee-rooms entering his name in the great + pocket-book, over and over again; he wrote letters to himself about him + constantly; and, when he found them in his pocket, put them in the fire, + with such distrust and caution that he would bend down to watch the + crumpled tinder while it floated upwards, as if his mind misgave him, that + the mystery it had contained might come out at the chimney-pot. + </p> + <p> + And yet all this was quite a secret. Mr Nadgett kept it to himself, and + kept it close. Jonas had no more idea that Mr Nadgett’s eyes were fixed on + him, than he had that he was living under the daily inspection and report + of a whole order of Jesuits. Indeed Mr Nadgett’s eyes were seldom fixed on + any other objects than the ground, the clock, or the fire; but every + button on his coat might have been an eye, he saw so much. + </p> + <p> + The secret manner of the man disarmed suspicion in this wise; suggesting, + not that he was watching any one, but that he thought some other man was + watching him. He went about so stealthily, and kept himself so wrapped up + in himself, that the whole object of his life appeared to be, to avoid + notice and preserve his own mystery. Jonas sometimes saw him in the + street, hovering in the outer office, waiting at the door for the man who + never came, or slinking off with his immovable face and drooping head, and + the one beaver glove dangling before him; but he would as soon have + thought of the cross upon the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral taking note of + what he did, or slowly winding a great net about his feet, as of Nadgett’s + being engaged in such an occupation. + </p> + <p> + Mr Nadgett made a mysterious change about this time in his mysterious + life: for whereas he had, until now, been first seen every morning coming + down Cornhill, so exactly like the Nadgett of the day before as to + occasion a popular belief that he never went to bed or took his clothes + off, he was now first seen in Holborn, coming out of Kingsgate Street; and + it was soon discovered that he actually went every morning to a barber’s + shop in that street to get shaved; and that the barber’s name was + Sweedlepipe. He seemed to make appointments with the man who never came, + to meet him at this barber’s; for he would frequently take long spells of + waiting in the shop, and would ask for pen and ink, and pull out his + pocket-book, and be very busy over it for an hour at a time. Mrs Gamp and + Mr Sweedlepipe had many deep discoursings on the subject of this + mysterious customer; but they usually agreed that he had speculated too + much and was keeping out of the way. + </p> + <p> + He must have appointed the man who never kept his word, to meet him at + another new place too; for one day he was found, for the first time, by + the waiter at the Mourning Coach-Horse, the House-of-call for Undertakers, + down in the City there, making figures with a pipe-stem in the sawdust of + a clean spittoon; and declining to call for anything, on the ground of + expecting a gentleman presently. As the gentleman was not honourable + enough to keep his engagement, he came again next day, with his + pocket-book in such a state of distention that he was regarded in the bar + as a man of large property. After that, he repeated his visits every day, + and had so much writing to do, that he made nothing of emptying a + capacious leaden inkstand in two sittings. Although he never talked much, + still, by being there among the regular customers, he made their + acquaintance, and in course of time became quite intimate with Mr Tacker, + Mr Mould’s foreman; and even with Mr Mould himself, who openly said he was + a long-headed man, a dry one, a salt fish, a deep file, a rasper; and made + him the subject of many other flattering encomiums. + </p> + <p> + At the same time, too, he told the people at the Assurance Office, in his + own mysterious way, that there was something wrong (secretly wrong, of + course) in his liver, and that he feared he must put himself under the + doctor’s hands. He was delivered over to Jobling upon this representation; + and though Jobling could not find out where his liver was wrong, wrong Mr + Nadgett said it was; observing that it was his own liver, and he hoped he + ought to know. Accordingly, he became Mr Jobling’s patient; and detailing + his symptoms in his slow and secret way, was in and out of that + gentleman’s room a dozen times a day. + </p> + <p> + As he pursued all these occupations at once; and all steadily; and all + secretly; and never slackened in his watchfulness of everything that Mr + Jonas said and did, and left unsaid and undone; it is not improbable that + they were, secretly, essential parts of some great scheme which Mr Nadgett + had on foot. + </p> + <p> + It was on the morning of this very day on which so much had happened to + Tom Pinch, that Nadgett suddenly appeared before Mr Montague’s house in + Pall Mall—he always made his appearance as if he had that moment + come up a trap—when the clocks were striking nine. He rang the bell + in a covert under-handed way, as though it were a treasonable act; and + passed in at the door, the moment it was opened wide enough to receive his + body. That done, he shut it immediately with his own hands. + </p> + <p> + Mr Bailey, taking up his name without delay, returned with a request that + he would follow him into his master’s chamber. The chairman of the + Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Board was dressing, + and received him as a business person who was often backwards and + forwards, and was received at all times for his business’ sake. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Mr Nadgett?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Nadgett put his hat upon the ground and coughed. The boy having + withdrawn and shut the door, he went to it softly, examined the handle, + and returned to within a pace or two of the chair in which Mr Montague + sat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Any news, Mr Nadgett?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think we have some news at last, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am happy to hear it. I began to fear you were off the scent, Mr + Nadgett.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, sir. It grows cold occasionally. It will sometimes. We can’t help + that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are truth itself, Mr Nadgett. Do you report a great success?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That depends upon your judgment and construction of it,’ was his answer, + as he put on his spectacles. + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you think of it yourself? Have you pleased yourself?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Nadgett rubbed his hands slowly, stroked his chin, looked round the + room, and said, ‘Yes, yes, I think it’s a good case. I am disposed to + think it’s a good case. Will you go into it at once?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By all means.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Nadgett picked out a certain chair from among the rest, and having + planted it in a particular spot, as carefully as if he had been going to + vault over it, placed another chair in front of it; leaving room for his + own legs between them. He then sat down in chair number two, and laid his + pocket-book, very carefully, on chair number one. He then untied the + pocket-book, and hung the string over the back of chair number one. He + then drew both the chairs a little nearer Mr Montague, and opening the + pocket-book spread out its contents. Finally he selected a certain + memorandum from the rest, and held it out to his employer, who, during the + whole of these preliminary ceremonies, had been making violent efforts to + conceal his impatience. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish you wouldn’t be so fond of making notes, my excellent friend,’ + said Tigg Montague with a ghastly smile. ‘I wish you would consent to give + me their purport by word of mouth.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t like word of mouth,’ said Mr Nadgett gravely. ‘We never know + who’s listening.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Montague was going to retort, when Nadgett handed him the paper, and + said, with quiet exultation in his tone, ‘We’ll begin at the beginning, + and take that one first, if you please, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + The chairman cast his eyes upon it, coldly, and with a smile which did not + render any great homage to the slow and methodical habits of his spy. But + he had not read half-a-dozen lines when the expression of his face began + to change, and before he had finished the perusal of the paper, it was + full of grave and serious attention. + </p> + <p> + ‘Number Two,’ said Mr Nadgett, handing him another, and receiving back the + first. ‘Read Number Two, sir, if you please. There is more interest as you + go on.’ + </p> + <p> + Tigg Montague leaned backward in his chair, and cast upon his emissary + such a look of vacant wonder (not unmingled with alarm), that Mr Nadgett + considered it necessary to repeat the request he had already twice + preferred; with the view to recalling his attention to the point in hand. + Profiting by the hint, Mr Montague went on with Number Two, and afterwards + with Numbers Three, and Four, and Five, and so on. + </p> + <p> + These documents were all in Mr Nadgett’s writing, and were apparently a + series of memoranda, jotted down from time to time upon the backs of old + letters, or any scrap of paper that came first to hand. Loose straggling + scrawls they were, and of very uninviting exterior; but they had weighty + purpose in them, if the chairman’s face were any index to the character of + their contents. + </p> + <p> + The progress of Mr Nadgett’s secret satisfaction arising out of the effect + they made, kept pace with the emotions of the reader. At first, Mr Nadgett + sat with his spectacles low down upon his nose, looking over them at his + employer, and nervously rubbing his hands. After a little while, he + changed his posture in his chair for one of greater ease, and leisurely + perused the next document he held ready as if an occasional glance at his + employer’s face were now enough and all occasion for anxiety or doubt were + gone. And finally he rose and looked out of the window, where he stood + with a triumphant air until Tigg Montague had finished. + </p> + <p> + ‘And this is the last, Mr Nadgett!’ said that gentleman, drawing a long + breath. + </p> + <p> + ‘That, sir, is the last.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are a wonderful man, Mr Nadgett!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think it is a pretty good case,’ he returned as he gathered up his + papers. ‘It cost some trouble, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The trouble shall be well rewarded, Mr Nadgett.’ Nadgett bowed. ‘There is + a deeper impression of Somebody’s Hoof here, than I had expected, Mr + Nadgett. I may congratulate myself upon your being such a good hand at a + secret.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! nothing has an interest to me that’s not a secret,’ replied Nadgett, + as he tied the string about his pocket-book, and put it up. ‘It always + takes away any pleasure I may have had in this inquiry even to make it + known to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A most invaluable constitution,’ Tigg retorted. ‘A great gift for a + gentleman employed as you are, Mr Nadgett. Much better than discretion; + though you possess that quality also in an eminent degree. I think I heard + a double knock. Will you put your head out of window, and tell me whether + there is anybody at the door?’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Nadgett softly raised the sash, and peered out from the very corner, as + a man might who was looking down into a street from whence a brisk + discharge of musketry might be expected at any moment. Drawing in his head + with equal caution, he observed, not altering his voice or manner: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thought so,’ Tigg retorted. + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I think you had better. Stay though! No! remain here, Mr Nadgett, if you + please.’ + </p> + <p> + It was remarkable how pale and flurried he had become in an instant. There + was nothing to account for it. His eye had fallen on his razors; but what + of them! + </p> + <p> + Mr Chuzzlewit was announced. + </p> + <p> + ‘Show him up directly. Nadgett! don’t you leave us alone together. Mind + you don’t, now! By the Lord!’ he added in a whisper to himself: ‘We don’t + know what may happen.’ + </p> + <p> + Saying this, he hurriedly took up a couple of hair-brushes, and began to + exercise them on his own head, as if his toilet had not been interrupted. + Mr Nadgett withdrew to the stove, in which there was a small fire for the + convenience of heating curling-irons; and taking advantage of so + favourable an opportunity for drying his pocket-handkerchief, produced it + without loss of time. There he stood, during the whole interview, holding + it before the bars, and sometimes, but not often, glancing over his + shoulder. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear Chuzzlewit!’ cried Montague, as Jonas entered. ‘You rise with the + lark. Though you go to bed with the nightingale, you rise with the lark. + You have superhuman energy, my dear Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod!’ said Jonas, with an air of langour and ill-humour, as he took a + chair, ‘I should be very glad not to get up with the lark, if I could help + it. But I am a light sleeper; and it’s better to be up than lying awake, + counting the dismal old church-clocks, in bed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A light sleeper!’ cried his friend. ‘Now, what is a light sleeper? I + often hear the expression, but upon my life I have not the least + conception what a light sleeper is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo!’ said Jonas, ‘Who’s that? Oh, old what’s-his-name: looking (as + usual) as if he wanted to skulk up the chimney.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha, ha! I have no doubt he does.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! He’s not wanted here, I suppose,’ said Jonas. ‘He may go, mayn’t + he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, let him stay, let him stay!’ said Tigg. ‘He’s a mere piece of + furniture. He has been making his report, and is waiting for further + orders. He has been told,’ said Tigg, raising his voice, ‘not to lose + sight of certain friends of ours, or to think that he has done with them + by any means. He understands his business.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He need,’ replied Jonas; ‘for of all the precious old dummies in + appearance that I ever saw, he’s about the worst. He’s afraid of me, I + think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s my belief,’ said Tigg, ‘that you are Poison to him. Nadgett! give me + that towel!’ + </p> + <p> + He had as little occasion for a towel as Jonas had for a start. But + Nadgett brought it quickly; and, having lingered for a moment, fell back + upon his old post by the fire. + </p> + <p> + ‘You see, my dear fellow,’ resumed Tigg, ‘you are too—what’s the + matter with your lips? How white they are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I took some vinegar just now,’ said Jonas. ‘I had oysters for my + breakfast. Where are they white?’ he added, muttering an oath, and rubbing + them upon his handkerchief. ‘I don’t believe they <i>are </i>white.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now I look again, they are not,’ replied his friend. ‘They are coming + right again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Say what you were going to say,’ cried Jonas angrily, ‘and let my face + be! As long as I can show my teeth when I want to (and I can do that + pretty well), the colour of my lips is not material.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite true,’ said Tigg. ‘I was only going to say that you are too quick + and active for our friend. He is too shy to cope with such a man as you, + but does his duty well. Oh, very well! But what is a light sleeper?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hang a light sleeper!’ exclaimed Jonas pettishly. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ interrupted Tigg. ‘No. We’ll not do that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A light sleeper ain’t a heavy one,’ said Jonas in his sulky way; ‘don’t + sleep much, and don’t sleep well, and don’t sleep sound.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And dreams,’ said Tigg, ‘and cries out in an ugly manner; and when the + candle burns down in the night, is in an agony; and all that sort of + thing. I see!’ + </p> + <p> + They were silent for a little time. Then Jonas spoke: + </p> + <p> + ‘Now we’ve done with child’s talk, I want to have a word with you. I want + to have a word with you before we meet up yonder to-day. I am not + satisfied with the state of affairs.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not satisfied!’ cried Tigg. ‘The money comes in well.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The money comes in well enough,’ retorted Jonas, ‘but it don’t come out + well enough. It can’t be got at easily enough. I haven’t sufficient power; + it is all in your hands. Ecod! what with one of your by-laws, and another + of your by-laws, and your votes in this capacity, and your votes in that + capacity, and your official rights, and your individual rights, and other + people’s rights who are only you again, there are no rights left for me. + Everybody else’s rights are my wrongs. What’s the use of my having a voice + if it’s always drowned? I might as well be dumb, and it would be much less + aggravating. I’m not a-going to stand that, you know.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ said Tigg in an insinuating tone. + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ returned Jonas, ‘I’m not indeed. I’ll play old Gooseberry with the + office, and make you glad to buy me out at a good high figure, if you try + any of your tricks with me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I give you my honour—’ Montague began. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! confound your honour,’ interrupted Jonas, who became more coarse and + quarrelsome as the other remonstrated, which may have been a part of Mr + Montague’s intention; ‘I want a little more control over the money. You + may have all the honour, if you like; I’ll never bring you to book for + that. But I’m not a-going to stand it, as it is now. If you should take it + into your honourable head to go abroad with the bank, I don’t see much to + prevent you. Well! That won’t do. I’ve had some very good dinners here, + but they’d come too dear on such terms; and therefore, that won’t do.’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20611m.jpg" alt="20611m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20611.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘I am unfortunate to find you in this humour,’ said Tigg, with a + remarkable kind of smile; ‘for I was going to propose to you—for + your own advantage; solely for your own advantage—that you should + venture a little more with us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was you, by G—?’ said Jonas, with a short laugh. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. And to suggest,’ pursued Montague, ‘that surely you have friends; + indeed, I know you have; who would answer our purpose admirably, and whom + we should be delighted to receive.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How kind of you! You’d be delighted to receive ‘em, would you?’ said + Jonas, bantering. + </p> + <p> + ‘I give you my sacred honour, quite transported. As your friends, + observe!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly,’ said Jonas; ‘as my friends, of course. You’ll be very much + delighted when you get ‘em, I have no doubt. And it’ll be all to my + advantage, won’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It will be very much to your advantage,’ answered Montague poising a + brush in each hand, and looking steadily upon him. ‘It will be very much + to your advantage, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And you can tell me how,’ said Jonas, ‘can’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Shall </i>I tell you how?’ returned the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think you had better,’ said Jonas. ‘Strange things have been done in + the Assurance way before now, by strange sorts of men, and I mean to take + care of myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Chuzzlewit!’ replied Montague, leaning forward, with his arms upon his + knees, and looking full into his face. ‘Strange things have been done, and + are done every day; not only in our way, but in a variety of other ways; + and no one suspects them. But ours, as you say, my good friend, is a + strange way; and we strangely happen, sometimes, to come into the + knowledge of very strange events.’ + </p> + <p> + He beckoned to Jonas to bring his chair nearer; and looking slightly + round, as if to remind him of the presence of Nadgett, whispered in his + ear. + </p> + <p> + From red to white; from white to red again; from red to yellow; then to a + cold, dull, awful, sweat-bedabbled blue. In that short whisper, all these + changes fell upon the face of Jonas Chuzzlewit; and when at last he laid + his hand upon the whisperer’s mouth, appalled, lest any syllable of what + he said should reach the ears of the third person present, it was as + bloodless and as heavy as the hand of Death. + </p> + <p> + He drew his chair away, and sat a spectacle of terror, misery, and rage. + He was afraid to speak, or look, or move, or sit still. Abject, crouching, + and miserable, he was a greater degradation to the form he bore, than if + he had been a loathsome wound from head to heel. + </p> + <p> + His companion leisurely resumed his dressing, and completed it, glancing + sometimes with a smile at the transformation he had effected, but never + speaking once. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’ll not object,’ he said, when he was quite equipped, ‘to venture + further with us, Chuzzlewit, my friend?’ + </p> + <p> + His pale lips faintly stammered out a ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well said! That’s like yourself. Do you know I was thinking yesterday + that your father-in-law, relying on your advice as a man of great sagacity + in money matters, as no doubt you are, would join us, if the thing were + well presented to him. He has money?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, he has money.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I leave Mr Pecksniff to you? Will you undertake for Mr Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll try. I’ll do my best.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A thousand thanks,’ replied the other, clapping him upon the shoulder. + ‘Shall we walk downstairs? Mr Nadgett! Follow us, if you please.’ + </p> + <p> + They went down in that order. Whatever Jonas felt in reference to + Montague; whatever sense he had of being caged, and barred, and trapped, + and having fallen down into a pit of deepest ruin; whatever thoughts came + crowding on his mind even at that early time, of one terrible chance of + escape, of one red glimmer in a sky of blackness; he no more thought that + the slinking figure half-a-dozen stairs behind him was his pursuing Fate, + than that the other figure at his side was his Good Angel. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0039" id="link2HCH0039"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE + </h2> + <p> + CONTAINING SOME FURTHER PARTICULARS OF THE DOMESTIC ECONOMY OF THE + PINCHES; WITH STRANGE NEWS FROM THE CITY, NARROWLY CONCERNING TOM + </p> + <p> + Pleasant little Ruth! Cheerful, tidy, bustling, quiet little Ruth! No + doll’s house ever yielded greater delight to its young mistress, than + little Ruth derived from her glorious dominion over the triangular parlour + and the two small bedrooms. + </p> + <p> + To be Tom’s housekeeper. What dignity! Housekeeping, upon the commonest + terms, associated itself with elevated responsibilities of all sorts and + kinds; but housekeeping for Tom implied the utmost complication of grave + trusts and mighty charges. Well might she take the keys out of the little + chiffonier which held the tea and sugar; and out of the two little damp + cupboards down by the fireplace, where the very black beetles got mouldy, + and had the shine taken out of their backs by envious mildew; and jingle + them upon a ring before Tom’s eyes when he came down to breakfast! Well + might she, laughing musically, put them up in that blessed little pocket + of hers with a merry pride! For it was such a grand novelty to be mistress + of anything, that if she had been the most relentless and despotic of all + little housekeepers, she might have pleaded just that much for her excuse, + and have been honourably acquitted. + </p> + <p> + So far from being despotic, however, there was a coyness about her very + way of pouring out the tea, which Tom quite revelled in. And when she + asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and faltered out ‘chops’ + as a reasonably good suggestion after their last night’s successful + supper, Tom grew quite facetious, and rallied her desperately. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know, Tom,’ said his sister, blushing, ‘I am not quite confident, + but I think I could make a beef-steak pudding, if I tried, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the whole catalogue of cookery, there is nothing I should like so much + as a beef-steak pudding!’ cried Tom, slapping his leg to give the greater + force to this reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, dear, that’s excellent! But if it should happen not to come quite + right the first time,’ his sister faltered; ‘if it should happen not to be + a pudding exactly, but should turn out a stew, or a soup, or something of + that sort, you’ll not be vexed, Tom, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + The serious way in which she looked at Tom; the way in which Tom looked at + her; and the way in which she gradually broke into a merry laugh at her + own expense, would have enchanted you. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ said Tom ‘this is capital. It gives us a new, and quite an uncommon + interest in the dinner. We put into a lottery for a beefsteak pudding, and + it is impossible to say what we may get. We may make some wonderful + discovery, perhaps, and produce such a dish as never was known before.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall not be at all surprised if we do, Tom,’ returned his sister, + still laughing merrily, ‘or if it should prove to be such a dish as we + shall not feel very anxious to produce again; but the meat must come out + of the saucepan at last, somehow or other, you know. We can’t cook it into + nothing at all; that’s a great comfort. So if you like to venture, I + will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not the least doubt,’ rejoined Tom, ‘that it will come out an + excellent pudding, or at all events, I am sure that I shall think it so. + There is naturally something so handy and brisk about you, Ruth, that if + you said you could make a bowl of faultless turtle soup, I should believe + you.’ + </p> + <p> + And Tom was right. She was precisely that sort of person. Nobody ought to + have been able to resist her coaxing manner; and nobody had any business + to try. Yet she never seemed to know it was her manner at all. That was + the best of it. + </p> + <p> + Well! she washed up the breakfast cups, chatting away the whole time, and + telling Tom all sorts of anecdotes about the brass-and-copper founder; put + everything in its place; made the room as neat as herself;—you must + not suppose its shape was half as neat as hers though, or anything like it—and + brushed Tom’s old hat round and round and round again, until it was as + sleek as Mr Pecksniff. Then she discovered, all in a moment, that Tom’s + shirt-collar was frayed at the edge; and flying upstairs for a needle and + thread, came flying down again with her thimble on, and set it right with + wonderful expertness; never once sticking the needle into his face, + although she was humming his pet tune from first to last, and beating time + with the fingers of her left hand upon his neckcloth. She had no sooner + done this, than off she was again; and there she stood once more, as brisk + and busy as a bee, tying that compact little chin of hers into an equally + compact little bonnet; intent on bustling out to the butcher’s, without a + minute’s loss of time; and inviting Tom to come and see the steak cut, + with his own eyes. As to Tom, he was ready to go anywhere; so off they + trotted, arm-in-arm, as nimbly as you please; saying to each other what a + quiet street it was to lodge in, and how very cheap, and what an airy + situation. + </p> + <p> + To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block, and + give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly. It was + agreeable, too—it really was—to see him cut it off, so smooth + and juicy. There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was + large and keen; it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of + touch, clearness of tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading. + It was the triumph of mind over matter; quite. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps the greenest cabbage-leaf ever grown in a garden was wrapped about + this steak, before it was delivered over to Tom. But the butcher had a + sentiment for his business, and knew how to refine upon it. When he saw + Tom putting the cabbage-leaf into his pocket awkwardly, he begged to be + allowed to do it for him; ‘for meat,’ he said with some emotion, ‘must be + humoured, not drove.’ + </p> + <p> + Back they went to the lodgings again, after they had bought some eggs, and + flour, and such small matters; and Tom sat gravely down to write at one + end of the parlour table, while Ruth prepared to make the pudding at the + other end; for there was nobody in the house but an old woman (the + landlord being a mysterious sort of man, who went out early in the + morning, and was scarcely ever seen); and saving in mere household + drudgery, they waited on themselves. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you writing, Tom?’ inquired his sister, laying her hand upon his + shoulder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you see, my dear,’ said Tom, leaning back in his chair, and looking + up in her face, ‘I am very anxious, of course, to obtain some suitable + employment; and before Mr Westlock comes this afternoon, I think I may as + well prepare a little description of myself and my qualifications; such as + he could show to any friend of his.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You had better do the same for me, Tom, also,’ said his sister, casting + down her eyes. ‘I should dearly like to keep house for you and take care + of you always, Tom; but we are not rich enough for that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are not rich,’ returned Tom, ‘certainly; and we may be much poorer. + But we will not part if we can help it. No, no; we will make up our minds + Ruth, that unless we are so very unfortunate as to render me quite sure + that you would be better off away from me than with me, we will battle it + out together. I am certain we shall be happier if we can battle it out + together. Don’t you think we shall?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Think, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, tut, tut!’ interposed Tom, tenderly. ‘You mustn’t cry.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no; I won’t, Tom. But you can’t afford it, dear. You can’t, indeed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We don’t know that,’ said Tom. ‘How are we to know that, yet awhile, and + without trying? Lord bless my soul!’—Tom’s energy became quite grand—‘there + is no knowing what may happen, if we try hard. And I am sure we can live + contentedly upon a very little—if we can only get it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes; that I am sure we can, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then,’ said Tom, ‘we must try for it. My friend, John Westlock, is a + capital fellow, and very shrewd and intelligent. I’ll take his advice. + We’ll talk it over with him—both of us together. You’ll like John + very much, when you come to know him, I am certain. Don’t cry, don’t cry. + <i>You </i>make a beef-steak pudding, indeed!’ said Tom, giving her a gentle + push. ‘Why, you haven’t boldness enough for a dumpling!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You <i>will </i>call it a pudding, Tom. Mind! I told you not!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I may as well call it that, till it proves to be something else,’ said + Tom. ‘Oh, you are going to work in earnest, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + Aye, aye! That she was. And in such pleasant earnest, moreover, that Tom’s + attention wandered from his writing every moment. First, she tripped + downstairs into the kitchen for the flour, then for the pie-board, then + for the eggs, then for the butter, then for a jug of water, then for the + rolling-pin, then for a pudding-basin, then for the pepper, then for the + salt; making a separate journey for everything, and laughing every time + she started off afresh. When all the materials were collected she was + horrified to find she had no apron on, and so ran <i>up</i>stairs by way of + variety, to fetch it. She didn’t put it on upstairs, but came dancing down + with it in her hand; and being one of those little women to whom an apron + is a most becoming little vanity, it took an immense time to arrange; + having to be carefully smoothed down beneath—Oh, heaven, what a + wicked little stomacher!—and to be gathered up into little plaits by + the strings before it could be tied, and to be tapped, rebuked, and + wheedled, at the pockets, before it would set right, which at last it did, + and when it did—but never mind; this is a sober chronicle. And then, + there were her cuffs to be tucked up, for fear of flour; and she had a + little ring to pull off her finger, which wouldn’t come off (foolish + little ring!); and during the whole of these preparations she looked + demurely every now and then at Tom, from under her dark eyelashes, as if + they were all a part of the pudding, and indispensable to its composition. + </p> + <p> + For the life and soul of him, Tom could get no further in his writing + than, ‘A respectable young man, aged thirty-five,’ and this, + notwithstanding the show she made of being supernaturally quiet, and going + about on tiptoe, lest she should disturb him; which only served as an + additional means of distracting his attention, and keeping it upon her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom,’ she said at last, in high glee. ‘Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What now?’ said Tom, repeating to himself, ‘aged thirty-five!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you look here a moment, please?’ + </p> + <p> + As if he hadn’t been looking all the time! + </p> + <p> + ‘I am going to begin, Tom. Don’t you wonder why I butter the inside of the + basin?’ said his busy little sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not more than you do, I dare say,’ replied Tom, laughing. ‘For I believe + you don’t know anything about it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What an infidel you are, Tom! How else do you think it would turn out + easily when it was done! For a civil-engineer and land-surveyor not to + know that! My goodness, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + It was wholly out of the question to try to write. Tom lined out + ‘respectable young man, aged thirty-five;’ and sat looking on, pen in + hand, with one of the most loving smiles imaginable. + </p> + <p> + Such a busy little woman as she was! So full of self-importance and trying + so hard not to smile, or seem uncertain about anything! It was a perfect + treat to Tom to see her with her brows knit, and her rosy lips pursed up, + kneading away at the crust, rolling it out, cutting it up into strips, + lining the basin with it, shaving it off fine round the rim, chopping up + the steak into small pieces, raining down pepper and salt upon them, + packing them into the basin, pouring in cold water for gravy, and never + venturing to steal a look in his direction, lest her gravity should be + disturbed; until, at last, the basin being quite full and only wanting the + top crust, she clapped her hands all covered with paste and flour, at Tom, + and burst out heartily into such a charming little laugh of triumph, that + the pudding need have had no other seasoning to commend it to the taste of + any reasonable man on earth. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where’s the pudding?’ said Tom. For he was cutting his jokes, Tom was. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where!’ she answered, holding it up with both hands. ‘Look at it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>That </i>a pudding!’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘It <i>will </i>be, you stupid fellow, when it’s covered in,’ returned his + sister. Tom still pretending to look incredulous, she gave him a tap on + the head with the rolling-pin, and still laughing merrily, had returned to + the composition of the top crust, when she started and turned very red. + Tom started, too, for following her eyes, he saw John Westlock in the + room. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, my goodness, John! How did <i>you </i>come in?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg pardon,’ said John—’ your sister’s pardon especially—but + I met an old lady at the street door, who requested me to enter here; and + as you didn’t hear me knock, and the door was open, I made bold to do so. + I hardly know,’ said John, with a smile, ‘why any of us should be + disconcerted at my having accidentally intruded upon such an agreeable + domestic occupation, so very agreeably and skillfully pursued; but I must + confess that I am. Tom, will you kindly come to my relief?’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20619m.jpg" alt="20619m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20619.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Mr John Westlock,’ said Tom. ‘My sister.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope that, as the sister of so old a friend,’ said John, laughing ‘you + will have the goodness to detach your first impressions of me from my + unfortunate entrance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My sister is not indisposed perhaps to say the same to you on her own + behalf,’ retorted Tom. + </p> + <p> + John said, of course, that this was quite unnecessary, for he had been + transfixed in silent admiration; and he held out his hand to Miss Pinch; + who couldn’t take it, however, by reason of the flour and paste upon her + own. This, which might seem calculated to increase the general confusion + and render matters worse, had in reality the best effect in the world, for + neither of them could help laughing; and so they both found themselves on + easy terms immediately. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am delighted to see you,’ said Tom. ‘Sit down.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can only think of sitting down on one condition,’ returned his friend; + ‘and that is, that your sister goes on with the pudding, as if you were + still alone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That I am sure she will,’ said Tom. ‘On one other condition, and that is, + that you stay and help us to eat it.’ + </p> + <p> + Poor little Ruth was seized with a palpitation of the heart when Tom + committed this appalling indiscretion, for she felt that if the dish + turned out a failure, she never would be able to hold up her head before + John Westlock again. Quite unconscious of her state of mind, John accepted + the invitation with all imaginable heartiness; and after a little more + pleasantry concerning this same pudding, and the tremendous expectations + he made believe to entertain of it, she blushingly resumed her occupation, + and he took a chair. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am here much earlier than I intended, Tom; but I will tell you, what + brings me, and I think I can answer for your being glad to hear it. Is + that anything you wish to show me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no!’ cried Tom, who had forgotten the blotted scrap of paper in + his hand, until this inquiry brought it to his recollection. ‘“A + respectable young man, aged thirty-five”—The beginning of a + description of myself. That’s all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t think you will have occasion to finish it, Tom. But how is it you + never told me you had friends in London?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom looked at his sister with all his might; and certainly his sister + looked with all her might at him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Friends in London!’ echoed Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Westlock, ‘to be sure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have <i>you </i>any friends in London, Ruth, my dear!’ asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very happy to hear that I have,’ said Tom, ‘but it’s news to me. I + never knew it. They must be capital people to keep a secret, John.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall judge for yourself,’ returned the other. ‘Seriously, Tom, here + is the plain state of the case. As I was sitting at breakfast this + morning, there comes a knock at my door.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘On which you cried out, very loud, “Come in!”’ suggested Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘So I did. And the person who knocked, not being a respectable young man, + aged thirty-five, from the country, came in when he was invited, instead + of standing gaping and staring about him on the landing. Well! When he + came in, I found he was a stranger; a grave, business-like, + sedate-looking, stranger. “Mr Westlock?” said he. “That is my name,” said + I. “The favour of a few words with you?” said he. “Pray be seated, sir,” + said I.’ + </p> + <p> + Here John stopped for an instant, to glance towards the table, where Tom’s + sister, listening attentively, was still busy with the basin, which by + this time made a noble appearance. Then he resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘The pudding having taken a chair, Tom—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Having taken a chair.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You said a pudding.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ replied John, colouring rather; ‘a chair. The idea of a stranger + coming into my rooms at half-past eight o’clock in the morning, and taking + a pudding! Having taken a chair, Tom, a chair—amazed me by opening + the conversation thus: “I believe you are acquainted, sir, with Mr Thomas + Pinch?” + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘His very words, I assure you. I told him I was. Did I know where you were + at present residing? Yes. In London? Yes. He had casually heard, in a + roundabout way, that you had left your situation with Mr Pecksniff. Was + that the fact? Yes, it was. Did you want another? Yes, you did.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly,’ said Tom, nodding his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Just what I impressed upon him. You may rest assured that I set that + point beyond the possibility of any mistake, and gave him distinctly to + understand that he might make up his mind about it. Very well.’ + </p> + <p> + “Then,” said he, “I think I can accommodate him.”’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s sister stopped short. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless me!’ cried Tom. ‘Ruth, my dear, “think I can accommodate + him.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I begged him,’ pursued John Westlock, glancing at Tom’s sister, + who was not less eager in her interest than Tom himself, ‘to proceed, and + said that I would undertake to see you immediately. He replied that he had + very little to say, being a man of few words, but such as it was, it was + to the purpose—and so, indeed, it turned out—for he + immediately went on to tell me that a friend of his was in want of a kind + of secretary and librarian; and that although the salary was small, being + only a hundred pounds a year, with neither board nor lodging, still the + duties were not heavy, and there the post was. Vacant, and ready for your + acceptance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious me!’ cried Tom; ‘a hundred pounds a year! My dear John! + Ruth, my love! A hundred pounds a year!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But the strangest part of the story,’ resumed John Westlock, laying his + hand on Tom’s wrist, to bespeak his attention, and repress his ecstasies + for the moment; ‘the strangest part of the story, Miss Pinch, is this. I + don’t know this man from Adam; neither does this man know Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He can’t,’ said Tom, in great perplexity, ‘if he’s a Londoner. I don’t + know any one in London.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And on my observing,’ John resumed, still keeping his hand upon Tom’s + wrist, ‘that I had no doubt he would excuse the freedom I took in + inquiring who directed him to me; how he came to know of the change which + had taken place in my friend’s position; and how he came to be acquainted + with my friend’s peculiar fitness for such an office as he had described; + he drily said that he was not at liberty to enter into any explanations.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at liberty to enter into any explanations!’ repeated Tom, drawing a + long breath. + </p> + <p> + ‘“I must be perfectly aware,” he said,’ John added, ‘“that to any person + who had ever been in Mr Pecksniff’s neighbourhood, Mr Thomas Pinch and his + acquirements were as well known as the Church steeple, or the Blue + Dragon.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The Blue Dragon!’ repeated Tom, staring alternately at his friend and his + sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, think of that! He spoke as familiarly of the Blue Dragon, I give you + my word, as if he had been Mark Tapley. I opened my eyes, I can tell you, + when he did so; but I could not fancy I had ever seen the man before, + although he said with a smile, “You know the Blue Dragon, Mr Westlock; you + kept it up there, once or twice, yourself.” Kept it up there! So I did. + You remember, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom nodded with great significance, and, falling into a state of deeper + perplexity than before, observed that this was the most unaccountable and + extraordinary circumstance he had ever heard of in his life. + </p> + <p> + ‘Unaccountable?’ his friend repeated. ‘I became afraid of the man. Though + it was broad day, and bright sunshine, I was positively afraid of him. I + declare I half suspected him to be a supernatural visitor, and not a + mortal, until he took out a common-place description of pocket-book, and + handed me this card.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Fips,’ said Tom, reading it aloud. ‘Austin Friars. Austin Friars + sounds ghostly, John.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Fips don’t, I think,’ was John’s reply. ‘But there he lives, Tom, and + there he expects us to call this morning. And now you know as much of this + strange incident as I do, upon my honour.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s face, between his exultation in the hundred pounds a year, and his + wonder at this narration, was only to be equalled by the face of his + sister, on which there sat the very best expression of blooming surprise + that any painter could have wished to see. What the beef-steak pudding + would have come to, if it had not been by this time finished, astrology + itself could hardly determine. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom,’ said Ruth, after a little hesitation, ‘perhaps Mr Westlock, in his + friendship for you, knows more of this than he chooses to tell.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, indeed!’ cried John, eagerly. ‘It is not so, I assure you. I wish it + were. I cannot take credit to myself, Miss Pinch, for any such thing. All + that I know, or, so far as I can judge, am likely to know, I have told + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Couldn’t you know more, if you thought proper?’ said Ruth, scraping the + pie-board industriously. + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ retorted John. ‘Indeed, no. It is very ungenerous in you to be so + suspicious of me when I repose implicit faith in you. I have unbounded + confidence in the pudding, Miss Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + She laughed at this, but they soon got back into a serious vein, and + discussed the subject with profound gravity. Whatever else was obscure in + the business, it appeared to be quite plain that Tom was offered a salary + of one hundred pounds a year; and this being the main point, the + surrounding obscurity rather set it off than otherwise. + </p> + <p> + Tom, being in a great flutter, wished to start for Austin Friars + instantly, but they waited nearly an hour, by John’s advice, before they + departed. Tom made himself as spruce as he could before leaving home, and + when John Westlock, through the half-opened parlour door, had glimpses of + that brave little sister brushing the collar of his coat in the passage, + taking up loose stitches in his gloves and hovering lightly about and + about him, touching him up here and there in the height of her quaint, + little, old-fashioned tidiness, he called to mind the fancy-portraits of + her on the wall of the Pecksniffian workroom, and decided with uncommon + indignation that they were gross libels, and not half pretty enough; + though, as hath been mentioned in its place, the artists always made those + sketches beautiful, and he had drawn at least a score of them with his own + hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom,’ he said, as they were walking along, ‘I begin to think you must be + somebody’s son.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose I am,’ Tom answered in his quiet way. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I mean somebody’s of consequence.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bless your heart,’ replied Tom, ‘my poor father was of no consequence, + nor my mother either.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You remember them perfectly, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Remember them? oh dear yes. My poor mother was the last. She died when + Ruth was a mere baby, and then we both became a charge upon the savings of + that good old grandmother I used to tell you of. You remember! Oh! There’s + nothing romantic in our history, John.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well,’ said John in quiet despair. ‘Then there is no way of + accounting for my visitor of this morning. So we’ll not try, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + They did try, notwithstanding, and never left off trying until they got to + Austin Friars, where, in a very dark passage on the first floor, oddly + situated at the back of a house, across some leads, they found a little + blear-eyed glass door up in one corner, with Mr <i>Fips </i>painted on it in + characters which were meant to be transparent. There was also a wicked old + sideboard hiding in the gloom hard by, meditating designs upon the ribs of + visitors; and an old mat, worn into lattice work, which, being useless as + a mat (even if anybody could have seen it, which was impossible), had for + many years directed its industry into another channel, and regularly + tripped up every one of Mr Fips’s clients. + </p> + <p> + Mr Fips, hearing a violent concussion between a human hat and his office + door, was apprised, by the usual means of communication, that somebody had + come to call upon him, and giving that somebody admission, observed that + it was ‘rather dark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dark indeed,’ John whispered in Tom Pinch’s ear. ‘Not a bad place to + dispose of a countryman in, I should think, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom had been already turning over in his mind the possibility of their + having been tempted into that region to furnish forth a pie; but the sight + of Mr Fips, who was small and spare, and looked peaceable, and wore black + shorts and powder, dispelled his doubts. + </p> + <p> + ‘Walk in,’ said Mr Fips. + </p> + <p> + They walked in. And a mighty yellow-jaundiced little office Mr Fips had of + it; with a great, black, sprawling splash upon the floor in one corner, as + if some old clerk had cut his throat there, years ago, and had let out ink + instead of blood. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have brought my friend Mr Pinch, sir,’ said John Westlock. + </p> + <p> + ‘Be pleased to sit,’ said Mr Fips. + </p> + <p> + They occupied the two chairs, and Mr Fips took the office stool from the + stuffing whereof he drew forth a piece of horse-hair of immense length, + which he put into his mouth with a great appearance of appetite. + </p> + <p> + He looked at Tom Pinch curiously, but with an entire freedom from any such + expression as could be reasonably construed into an unusual display of + interest. After a short silence, during which Mr Fips was so perfectly + unembarrassed as to render it manifest that he could have broken it sooner + without hesitation, if he had felt inclined to do so, he asked if Mr + Westlock had made his offer fully known to Mr Pinch. + </p> + <p> + John answered in the affirmative. + </p> + <p> + ‘And you think it worth your while, sir, do you?’ Mr Fips inquired of Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think it a piece of great good fortune, sir,’ said Tom. ‘I am + exceedingly obliged to you for the offer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not to me,’ said Mr Fips. ‘I act upon instructions.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To your friend, sir, then,’ said Tom. ‘To the gentleman with whom I am to + engage, and whose confidence I shall endeavour to deserve. When he knows + me better, sir, I hope he will not lose his good opinion of me. He will + find me punctual and vigilant, and anxious to do what is right. That I + think I can answer for, and so,’ looking towards him, ‘can Mr Westlock.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Most assuredly,’ said John. + </p> + <p> + Mr Fips appeared to have some little difficulty in resuming the + conversation. To relieve himself, he took up the wafer-stamp, and began + stamping capital F’s all over his legs. + </p> + <p> + ‘The fact is,’ said Mr Fips, ‘that my friend is not, at this present + moment, in town.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s countenance fell; for he thought this equivalent to telling him that + his appearance did not answer; and that Fips must look out for somebody + else. + </p> + <p> + ‘When do you think he will be in town, sir?’ he asked. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t say; it’s impossible to tell. I really have no idea. But,’ said + Fips, taking off a very deep impression of the wafer-stamp upon the calf + of his left leg, and looking steadily at Tom, ‘I don’t know that it’s a + matter of much consequence.’ + </p> + <p> + Poor Tom inclined his head deferentially, but appeared to doubt that. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say,’ repeated Mr Fips, ‘that I don’t know it’s a matter of much + consequence. The business lies entirely between yourself and me, Mr Pinch. + With reference to your duties, I can set you going; and with reference to + your salary, I can pay it. Weekly,’ said Mr Fips, putting down the + wafer-stamp, and looking at John Westlock and Tom Pinch by turns, ‘weekly; + in this office; at any time between the hours of four and five o’clock in + the afternoon.’ As Mr Fips said this, he made up his face as if he were + going to whistle. But he didn’t. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are very good,’ said Tom, whose countenance was now suffused with + pleasure; ‘and nothing can be more satisfactory or straightforward. My + attendance will be required—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘From half-past nine to four o’clock or so, I should say,’ interrupted Mr + Fips. ‘About that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I did not mean the hours of attendance,’ retorted Tom, ‘which are light + and easy, I am sure; but the place.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, the place! The place is in the Temple.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was delighted. + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps,’ said Mr Fips, ‘you would like to see the place?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, dear!’ cried Tom. ‘I shall only be too glad to consider myself + engaged, if you will allow me; without any further reference to the + place.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You may consider yourself engaged, by all means,’ said Mr Fips; ‘you + couldn’t meet me at the Temple Gate in Fleet Street, in an hour from this + time, I suppose, could you?’ + </p> + <p> + Certainly Tom could. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good,’ said Mr Fips, rising. ‘Then I will show you the place; and you can + begin your attendance to-morrow morning. In an hour, therefore, I shall + see you. You too, Mr Westlock? Very good. Take care how you go. It’s + rather dark.’ + </p> + <p> + With this remark, which seemed superfluous, he shut them out upon the + staircase, and they groped their way into the street again. The interview + had done so little to remove the mystery in which Tom’s new engagement was + involved, and had done so much to thicken it, that neither could help + smiling at the puzzled looks of the other. They agreed, however, that the + introduction of Tom to his new office and office companions could hardly + fail to throw a light upon the subject; and therefore postponed its + further consideration until after the fulfillment of the appointment they + had made with Mr Fips. + </p> + <p> + After looking at John Westlock’s chambers, and devoting a few spare + minutes to the Boar’s Head, they issued forth again to the place of + meeting. The time agreed upon had not quite come; but Mr Fips was already + at the Temple Gate, and expressed his satisfaction at their punctuality. + </p> + <p> + He led the way through sundry lanes and courts, into one more quiet and + more gloomy than the rest, and, singling out a certain house, ascended a + common staircase; taking from his pocket, as he went, a bunch of rusty + keys. Stopping before a door upon an upper story, which had nothing but a + yellow smear of paint where custom would have placed the tenant’s name, he + began to beat the dust out of one of these keys, very deliberately, upon + the great broad handrail of the balustrade. + </p> + <p> + ‘You had better have a little plug made,’ he said, looking round at Tom, + after blowing a shrill whistle into the barrel of the key. ‘It’s the only + way of preventing them from getting stopped up. You’ll find the lock go + the better, too, I dare say, for a little oil.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom thanked him; but was too much occupied with his own speculations, and + John Westlock’s looks, to be very talkative. In the meantime Mr Fips + opened the door, which yielded to his hand very unwillingly, and with a + horribly discordant sound. He took the key out, when he had done so, and + gave it to Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye!’ said Mr Fips. ‘The dust lies rather thick here.’ + </p> + <p> + Truly, it did. Mr Fips might have gone so far as to say, very thick. It + had accumulated everywhere; lay deep on everything, and in one part, where + a ray of sun shone through a crevice in the shutter and struck upon the + opposite wall, it went twirling round and round, like a gigantic + squirrel-cage. + </p> + <p> + Dust was the only thing in the place that had any motion about it. When + their conductor admitted the light freely, and lifting up the heavy + window-sash, let in the summer air, he showed the mouldering furniture, + discoloured wainscoting and ceiling, rusty stove, and ashy hearth, in all + their inert neglect. Close to the door there stood a candlestick, with an + extinguisher upon it; as if the last man who had been there had paused, + after securing a retreat, to take a parting look at the dreariness he left + behind, and then had shut out light and life together, and closed the + place up like a tomb. + </p> + <p> + There were two rooms on that floor; and in the first or outer one a narrow + staircase, leading to two more above. These last were fitted up as + bed-chambers. Neither in them, nor in the rooms below, was any scarcity of + convenient furniture observable, although the fittings were of a bygone + fashion; but solitude and want of use seemed to have rendered it unfit for + any purposes of comfort, and to have given it a grisly, haunted air. + </p> + <p> + Movables of every kind lay strewn about, without the least attempt at + order, and were intermixed with boxes, hampers, and all sorts of lumber. + On all the floors were piles of books, to the amount, perhaps, of some + thousands of volumes: these, still in bales; those, wrapped in paper, as + they had been purchased; others scattered singly or in heaps; not one upon + the shelves which lined the walls. To these Mr Fips called Tom’s + attention. + </p> + <p> + ‘Before anything else can be done, we must have them put in order, + catalogued, and ranged upon the book-shelves, Mr Pinch. That will do to + begin with, I think, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom rubbed his hands in the pleasant anticipation of a task so congenial + to his taste, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘An occupation full of interest for me, I assure you. It will occupy me, + perhaps, until Mr—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Until Mr—’ repeated Fips; as much as to ask Tom what he was + stopping for. + </p> + <p> + ‘I forgot that you had not mentioned the gentleman’s name,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried Mr Fips, pulling on his glove, ‘didn’t I? No, by-the-bye, I + don’t think I did. Ah! I dare say he’ll be here soon. You will get on very + well together, I have no doubt. I wish you success I am sure. You won’t + forget to shut the door? It’ll lock of itself if you slam it. Half-past + nine, you know. Let us say from half-past nine to four, or half-past four, + or thereabouts; one day, perhaps, a little earlier, another day, perhaps, + a little later, according as you feel disposed, and as you arrange your + work. Mr Fips, Austin Friars of course you’ll remember? And you won’t + forget to slam the door, if you please!’ + </p> + <p> + He said all this in such a comfortable, easy manner, that Tom could only + rub his hands, and nod his head, and smile in acquiescence which he was + still doing, when Mr Fips walked coolly out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, he’s gone!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘And what’s more, Tom,’ said John Westlock, seating himself upon a pile of + books, and looking up at his astonished friend, ‘he is evidently not + coming back again; so here you are, installed. Under rather singular + circumstances, Tom!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20629m.jpg" alt="20629m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20629.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + It was such an odd affair throughout, and Tom standing there among the + books with his hat in one hand and the key in the other, looked so + prodigiously confounded, that his friend could not help laughing heartily. + Tom himself was tickled; no less by the hilarity of his friend than by the + recollection of the sudden manner in which he had been brought to a stop, + in the very height of his urbane conference with Mr Fips; so by degrees + Tom burst out laughing too; and each making the other laugh more, they + fairly roared. + </p> + <p> + When they had had their laugh out, which did not happen very soon, for + give John an inch that way and he was sure to take several ells, being a + jovial, good-tempered fellow, they looked about them more closely, groping + among the lumber for any stray means of enlightenment that might turn up. + But no scrap or shred of information could they find. The books were + marked with a variety of owner’s names, having, no doubt, been bought at + sales, and collected here and there at different times; but whether any + one of these names belonged to Tom’s employer, and, if so, which of them, + they had no means whatever of determining. It occurred to John as a very + bright thought to make inquiry at the steward’s office, to whom the + chambers belonged, or by whom they were held; but he came back no wiser + than he went, the answer being, ‘Mr Fips, of Austin Friars.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘After all, Tom, I begin to think it lies no deeper than this. Fips is an + eccentric man; has some knowledge of Pecksniff; despises him, of course; + has heard or seen enough of you to know that you are the man he wants; and + engages you in his own whimsical manner.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But why in his own whimsical manner?’ asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! why does any man entertain his own whimsical taste? Why does Mr Fips + wear shorts and powder, and Mr Fips’s next-door neighbour boots and a + wig?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom, being in that state of mind in which any explanation is a great + relief, adopted this last one (which indeed was quite as feasible as any + other) readily, and said he had no doubt of it. Nor was his faith at all + shaken by his having said exactly the same thing to each suggestion of his + friend’s in turn, and being perfectly ready to say it again if he had any + new solution to propose. + </p> + <p> + As he had not, Tom drew down the window-sash, and folded the shutter; and + they left the rooms. He closed the door heavily, as Mr Fips had desired + him; tried it, found it all safe, and put the key in his pocket. + </p> + <p> + They made a pretty wide circuit in going back to Islington, as they had + time to spare, and Tom was never tired of looking about him. It was well + he had John Westlock for his companion, for most people would have been + weary of his perpetual stoppages at shop-windows, and his frequent dashes + into the crowded carriage-way at the peril of his life, to get the better + view of church steeples, and other public buildings. But John was charmed + to see him so much interested, and every time Tom came back with a beaming + face from among the wheels of carts and hackney-coaches, wholly + unconscious of the personal congratulations addressed to him by the + drivers, John seemed to like him better than before. + </p> + <p> + There was no flour on Ruth’s hands when she received them in the + triangular parlour, but there were pleasant smiles upon her face, and a + crowd of welcomes shining out of every smile, and gleaming in her bright + eyes. By the bye, how bright they were! Looking into them for but a + moment, when you took her hand, you saw, in each, such a capital miniature + of yourself, representing you as such a restless, flashing, eager, + brilliant little fellow— + </p> + <p> + Ah! if you could only have kept them for your own miniature! But, wicked, + roving, restless, too impartial eyes, it was enough for any one to stand + before them, and, straightway, there he danced and sparkled quite as + merrily as you! + </p> + <p> + The table was already spread for dinner; and though it was spread with + nothing very choice in the way of glass or linen, and with green-handled + knives, and very mountebanks of two-pronged forks, which seemed to be + trying how far asunder they could possibly stretch their legs without + converting themselves into double the number of iron toothpicks, it wanted + neither damask, silver, gold, nor china; no, nor any other garniture at + all. There it was; and, being there, nothing else would have done as well. + </p> + <p> + The success of that initiative dish; that first experiment of hers in + cookery; was so entire, so unalloyed and perfect, that John Westlock and + Tom agreed she must have been studying the art in secret for a long time + past; and urged her to make a full confession of the fact. They were + exceedingly merry over this jest, and many smart things were said + concerning it; but John was not as fair in his behaviour as might have + been expected, for, after luring Tom Pinch on for a long time, he suddenly + went over to the enemy, and swore to everything his sister said. However, + as Tom observed the same night before going to bed, it was only in joke, + and John had always been famous for being polite to ladies, even when he + was quite a boy. Ruth said, ‘Oh! indeed!’ She didn’t say anything else. + </p> + <p> + It is astonishing how much three people may find to talk about. They + scarcely left off talking once. And it was not all lively chat which + occupied them; for when Tom related how he had seen Mr Pecksniff’s + daughters, and what a change had fallen on the younger, they were very + serious. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock became quite absorbed in her fortunes; asking many questions + of Tom Pinch about her marriage, inquiring whether her husband was the + gentleman whom Tom had brought to dine with him at Salisbury; in what + degree of relationship they stood towards each other, being different + persons; and taking, in short, the greatest interest in the subject. Tom + then went into it, at full length; he told how Martin had gone abroad, and + had not been heard of for a long time; how Dragon Mark had borne him + company; how Mr Pecksniff had got the poor old doting grandfather into his + power; and how he basely sought the hand of Mary Graham. But not a word + said Tom of what lay hidden in his heart; his heart, so deep, and true, + and full of honour, and yet with so much room for every gentle and + unselfish thought; not a word. + </p> + <p> + Tom, Tom! The man in all this world most confident in his sagacity and + shrewdness; the man in all this world most proud of his distrust of other + men, and having most to show in gold and silver as the gains belonging to + his creed; the meekest favourer of that wise doctrine, Every man for + himself, and God for us all (there being high wisdom in the thought that + the Eternal Majesty of Heaven ever was, or can be, on the side of selfish + lust and love!); shall never find, oh, never find, be sure of that, the + time come home to him, when all his wisdom is an idiot’s folly, weighed + against a simple heart! + </p> + <p> + Well, well, Tom, it was simple too, though simple in a different way, to + be so eager touching that same theatre, of which John said, when tea was + done, he had the absolute command, so far as taking parties in without the + payment of a sixpence was concerned; and simpler yet, perhaps, never to + suspect that when he went in first, alone, he paid the money! Simple in + thee, dear Tom, to laugh and cry so heartily at such a sorry show, so + poorly shown; simple to be so happy and loquacious trudging home with + Ruth; simple to be so surprised to find that merry present of a + cookery-book awaiting her in the parlour next morning, with the + beef-steak-pudding-leaf turned down and blotted out. There! Let the record + stand! Thy quality of soul was simple, simple, quite contemptible, Tom + Pinch! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0040" id="link2HCH0040"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY + </h2> + <p> + THE PINCHES MAKE A NEW ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAVE FRESH OCCASION FOR SURPRISE + AND WONDER + </p> + <p> + There was a ghostly air about these uninhabited chambers in the Temple, + and attending every circumstance of Tom’s employment there, which had a + strange charm in it. Every morning when he shut his door at Islington, he + turned his face towards an atmosphere of unaccountable fascination, as + surely as he turned it to the London smoke; and from that moment it + thickened round and round him all day long, until the time arrived for + going home again, and leaving it, like a motionless cloud, behind. + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Tom, every morning, that he approached this ghostly mist, and + became enveloped in it, by the easiest succession of degrees imaginable. + Passing from the roar and rattle of the streets into the quiet court-yards + of the Temple, was the first preparation. Every echo of his footsteps + sounded to him like a sound from the old walls and pavements, wanting + language to relate the histories of the dim, dismal rooms; to tell him + what lost documents were decaying in forgotten corners of the shut-up + cellars, from whose lattices such mouldy sighs came breathing forth as he + went past; to whisper of dark bins of rare old wine, bricked up in vaults + among the old foundations of the Halls; or mutter in a lower tone yet + darker legends of the cross-legged knights, whose marble effigies were in + the church. With the first planting of his foot upon the staircase of his + dusty office, all these mysteries increased; until, ascending step by + step, as Tom ascended, they attained their full growth in the solitary + labours of the day. + </p> + <p> + Every day brought one recurring, never-failing source of speculation. This + employer; would he come to-day, and what would he be like? For Tom could + not stop short at Mr Fips; he quite believed that Mr Fips had spoken + truly, when he said he acted for another; and what manner of man that + other was, became a full-blown flower of wonder in the garden of Tom’s + fancy, which never faded or got trodden down. + </p> + <p> + At one time, he conceived that Mr Pecksniff, repenting of his falsehood, + might, by exertion of his influence with some third person have devised + these means of giving him employment. He found this idea so insupportable + after what had taken place between that good man and himself, that he + confided it to John Westlock on the very same day; informing John that he + would rather ply for hire as a porter, than fall so low in his own esteem + as to accept the smallest obligation from the hands of Mr Pecksniff. But + John assured him that he (Tom Pinch) was far from doing justice to the + character of Mr Pecksniff yet, if he supposed that gentleman capable of + performing a generous action; and that he might make his mind quite easy + on that head until he saw the sun turn green and the moon black, and at + the same time distinctly perceived with the naked eye, twelve first-rate + comets careering round those planets. In which unusual state of things, he + said (and not before), it might become not absolutely lunatic to suspect + Mr Pecksniff of anything so monstrous. In short he laughed the idea down + completely; and Tom, abandoning it, was thrown upon his beam-ends again, + for some other solution. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime Tom attended to his duties daily, and made considerable + progress with the books; which were already reduced to some sort of order, + and made a great appearance in his fairly-written catalogue. During his + business hours, he indulged himself occasionally with snatches of reading; + which were often, indeed, a necessary part of his pursuit; and as he + usually made bold to carry one of these goblin volumes home at night + (always bringing it back again next morning, in case his strange employer + should appear and ask what had become of it), he led a happy, quiet, + studious kind of life, after his own heart. + </p> + <p> + But though the books were never so interesting, and never so full of + novelty to Tom, they could not so enchain him, in those mysterious + chambers, as to render him unconscious, for a moment, of the lightest + sound. Any footstep on the flags without set him listening attentively and + when it turned into that house, and came up, up, up the stairs, he always + thought with a beating heart, ‘Now I am coming face to face with him at + last!’ But no footstep ever passed the floor immediately below: except his + own. + </p> + <p> + This mystery and loneliness engendered fancies in Tom’s mind, the folly of + which his common sense could readily discover, but which his common sense + was quite unable to keep away, notwithstanding; that quality being with + most of us, in such a case, like the old French Police—quick at + detection, but very weak as a preventive power. Misgivings, undefined, + absurd, inexplicable, that there was some one hiding in the inner room—walking + softly overhead, peeping in through the door-chink, doing something + stealthy, anywhere where he was not—came over him a hundred times a + day, making it pleasant to throw up the sash, and hold communication even + with the sparrows who had built in the roof and water-spout, and were + twittering about the windows all day long. + </p> + <p> + He sat with the outer door wide open, at all times, that he might hear the + footsteps as they entered, and turned off into the chambers on the lower + floor. He formed odd prepossessions too, regarding strangers in the + streets; and would say within himself of such or such a man, who struck + him as having anything uncommon in his dress or aspect, ‘I shouldn’t + wonder, now, if that were he!’ But it never was. And though he actually + turned back and followed more than one of these suspected individuals, in + a singular belief that they were going to the place he was then upon his + way from, he never got any other satisfaction by it, than the satisfaction + of knowing it was not the case. + </p> + <p> + Mr Fips, of Austin Friars, rather deepened than illumined the obscurity of + his position; for on the first occasion of Tom’s waiting on him to receive + his weekly pay, he said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! by the bye, Mr Pinch, you needn’t mention it, if you please!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom thought he was going to tell him a secret; so he said that he wouldn’t + on any account, and that Mr Fips might entirely depend upon him. But as Mr + Fips said ‘Very good,’ in reply, and nothing more, Tom prompted him: + </p> + <p> + ‘Not on any account,’ repeated Tom. + </p> + <p> + Mr Fips repeated: ‘Very good.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You were going to say’—Tom hinted. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no!’ cried Fips. ‘Not at all.’ However, seeing Tom confused, he + added, ‘I mean that you needn’t mention any particulars about your place + of employment, to people generally. You’ll find it better not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not had the pleasure of seeing my employer yet, sir,’ observed + Tom, putting his week’s salary in his pocket. + </p> + <p> + ‘Haven’t you?’ said Fips. ‘No, I don’t suppose you have though.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should like to thank him, and to know that what I have done so far, is + done to his satisfaction,’ faltered Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite right,’ said Mr Fips, with a yawn. ‘Highly creditable. Very + proper.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom hastily resolved to try him on another tack. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall soon have finished with the books,’ he said. ‘I hope that will + not terminate my engagement, sir, or render me useless?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no!’ retorted Fips. ‘Plenty to do; plen-ty to do! Be careful how + you go. It’s rather dark.’ + </p> + <p> + This was the very utmost extent of information Tom could ever get out of + <i>him</i>. So it was dark enough in all conscience; and if Mr Fips expressed + himself with a double meaning, he had good reason for doing so. + </p> + <p> + But now a circumstance occurred, which helped to divert Tom’s thoughts + from even this mystery, and to divide them between it and a new channel, + which was a very Nile in itself. + </p> + <p> + The way it came about was this. Having always been an early riser and + having now no organ to engage him in sweet converse every morning, it was + his habit to take a long walk before going to the Temple; and naturally + inclining, as a stranger, towards those parts of the town which were + conspicuous for the life and animation pervading them, he became a great + frequenter of the market-places, bridges, quays, and especially the + steam-boat wharves; for it was very lively and fresh to see the people + hurrying away upon their many schemes of business or pleasure, and it made + Tom glad to think that there was that much change and freedom in the + monotonous routine of city lives. + </p> + <p> + In most of these morning excursions Ruth accompanied him. As their + landlord was always up and away at his business (whatever that might be, + no one seemed to know) at a very early hour, the habits of the people of + the house in which they lodged corresponded with their own. Thus they had + often finished their breakfast, and were out in the summer air, by seven + o’clock. After a two hours’ stroll they parted at some convenient point; + Tom going to the Temple, and his sister returning home, as methodically as + you please. + </p> + <p> + Many and many a pleasant stroll they had in Covent Garden Market; snuffing + up the perfume of the fruits and flowers, wondering at the magnificence of + the pineapples and melons; catching glimpses down side avenues, of rows + and rows of old women, seated on inverted baskets, shelling peas; looking + unutterable things at the fat bundles of asparagus with which the dainty + shops were fortified as with a breastwork; and, at the herbalist’s doors, + gratefully inhaling scents as of veal-stuffing yet uncooked, dreamily + mixed up with capsicums, brown-paper, seeds, even with hints of lusty + snails and fine young curly leeches. Many and many a pleasant stroll they + had among the poultry markets, where ducks and fowls, with necks + unnaturally long, lay stretched out in pairs, ready for cooking; where + there were speckled eggs in mossy baskets, white country sausages beyond + impeachment by surviving cat or dog, or horse or donkey; new cheeses to + any wild extent, live birds in coops and cages, looking much too big to be + natural, in consequence of those receptacles being much too little; + rabbits, alive and dead, innumerable. Many a pleasant stroll they had + among the cool, refreshing, silvery fish-stalls, with a kind of moonlight + effect about their stock-in-trade, excepting always for the ruddy + lobsters. Many a pleasant stroll among the waggon-loads of fragrant hay, + beneath which dogs and tired waggoners lay fast asleep, oblivious of the + pieman and the public-house. But never half so good a stroll as down among + the steamboats on a bright morning. + </p> + <p> + There they lay, alongside of each other; hard and fast for ever, to all + appearance, but designing to get out somehow, and quite confident of doing + it; and in that faith shoals of passengers, and heaps of luggage, were + proceeding hurriedly on board. Little steam-boats dashed up and down the + stream incessantly. Tiers upon tiers of vessels, scores of masts, + labyrinths of tackle, idle sails, splashing oars, gliding row-boats, + lumbering barges, sunken piles, with ugly lodgings for the water-rat + within their mud-discoloured nooks; church steeples, warehouses, + house-roofs, arches, bridges, men and women, children, casks, cranes, + boxes, horses, coaches, idlers, and hard-labourers; there they were, all + jumbled up together, any summer morning, far beyond Tom’s power of + separation. + </p> + <p> + In the midst of all this turmoil there was an incessant roar from every + packet’s funnel, which quite expressed and carried out the uppermost + emotion of the scene. They all appeared to be perspiring and bothering + themselves, exactly as their passengers did; they never left off fretting + and chafing, in their own hoarse manner, once; but were always panting + out, without any stops, ‘Come along do make haste I’m very nervous come + along oh good gracious we shall never get there how late you are do make + haste I’m off directly come along!’ + </p> + <p> + Even when they had left off, and had got safely out into the current, on + the smallest provocation they began again; for the bravest packet of them + all, being stopped by some entanglement in the river, would immediately + begin to fume and pant afresh, ‘oh here’s a stoppage what’s the matter do + go on there I’m in a hurry it’s done on purpose did you ever oh my + goodness <i>do</i> go on here!’ and so, in a state of mind bordering on + distraction, would be last seen drifting slowly through the mist into the + summer light beyond, that made it red. + </p> + <p> + Tom’s ship, however; or, at least, the packet-boat in which Tom and his + sister took the greatest interest on one particular occasion; was not off + yet, by any means; but was at the height of its disorder. The press of + passengers was very great; another steam-boat lay on each side of her; the + gangways were choked up; distracted women, obviously bound for Gravesend, + but turning a deaf ear to all representations that this particular vessel + was about to sail for Antwerp, persisted in secreting baskets of + refreshments behind bulk-heads, and water-casks, and under seats; and very + great confusion prevailed. + </p> + <p> + It was so amusing, that Tom, with Ruth upon his arm, stood looking down + from the wharf, as nearly regardless as it was in the nature of flesh and + blood to be, of an elderly lady behind him, who had brought a large + umbrella with her, and didn’t know what to do with it. This tremendous + instrument had a hooked handle; and its vicinity was first made known to + him by a painful pressure on the windpipe, consequent upon its having + caught him round the throat. Soon after disengaging himself with perfect + good humour, he had a sensation of the ferule in his back; immediately + afterwards, of the hook entangling his ankles; then of the umbrella + generally, wandering about his hat, and flapping at it like a great bird; + and, lastly, of a poke or thrust below the ribs, which give him such + exceeding anguish, that he could not refrain from turning round to offer a + mild remonstrance. + </p> + <p> + Upon his turning round, he found the owner of the umbrella struggling on + tip-toe, with a countenance expressive of violent animosity, to look down + upon the steam-boats; from which he inferred that she had attacked him, + standing in the front row, by design, and as her natural enemy. + </p> + <p> + ‘What a very ill-natured person you must be!’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + The lady cried out fiercely, ‘Where’s the pelisse!’—meaning the + constabulary—and went on to say, shaking the handle of the umbrella + at Tom, that but for them fellers never being in the way when they was + wanted, she’d have given him in charge, she would. + </p> + <p> + ‘If they greased their whiskers less, and minded the duties which they’re + paid so heavy for, a little more,’ she observed, ‘no one needn’t be drove + mad by scrouding so!’ + </p> + <p> + She had been grievously knocked about, no doubt, for her bonnet was bent + into the shape of a cocked hat. Being a fat little woman, too, she was in + a state of great exhaustion and intense heat. Instead of pursuing the + altercation, therefore, Tom civilly inquired what boat she wanted to go on + board of? + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose,’ returned the lady, ‘as nobody but yourself can want to look + at a steam package, without wanting to go a-boarding of it, can they! + Booby!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which one do you want to look at then?’ said Tom. ‘We’ll make room for + you if we can. Don’t be so ill-tempered.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No blessed creetur as ever I was with in trying times,’ returned the + lady, somewhat softened, ‘and they’re a many in their numbers, ever + brought it as a charge again myself that I was anythin’ but mild and equal + in my spirits. Never mind a contradicting of me, if you seem to feel it + does you good, ma’am, I often says, for well you know that Sairey may be + trusted not to give it back again. But I will not denige that I am + worrited and wexed this day, and with good reagion, Lord forbid!’ + </p> + <p> + By this time, Mrs Gamp (for it was no other than that experienced + practitioner) had, with Tom’s assistance, squeezed and worked herself into + a small corner between Ruth and the rail; where, after breathing very hard + for some little time, and performing a short series of dangerous + evolutions with her umbrella, she managed to establish herself pretty + comfortably. + </p> + <p> + ‘And which of all them smoking monsters is the Ankworks boat, I wonder. + Goodness me!’ cried Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘What boat did you want?’ asked Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘The Ankworks package,’ Mrs Gamp replied. ‘I will not deceive you, my + sweet. Why should I?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That is the Antwerp packet in the middle,’ said Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘And I wish it was in Jonadge’s belly, I do,’ cried Mrs Gamp; appearing to + confound the prophet with the whale in this miraculous aspiration. + </p> + <p> + Ruth said nothing in reply; but, as Mrs Gamp, laying her chin against the + cool iron of the rail, continued to look intently at the Antwerp boat, and + every now and then to give a little groan, she inquired whether any child + of hers was going aboard that morning? Or perhaps her husband, she said + kindly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which shows,’ said Mrs Gamp, casting up her eyes, ‘what a little way + you’ve travelled into this wale of life, my dear young creetur! As a good + friend of mine has frequent made remark to me, which her name, my love, is + Harris, Mrs Harris through the square and up the steps a-turnin’ round by + the tobacker shop, “Oh Sairey, Sairey, little do we know wot lays afore + us!” “Mrs Harris, ma’am,” I says, “not much, it’s true, but more than you + suppoge. Our calcilations, ma’am,” I says, “respectin’ wot the number of a + family will be, comes most times within one, and oftener than you would + suppoge, exact.” “Sairey,” says Mrs Harris, in a awful way, “Tell me wot + is my indiwidgle number.” “No, Mrs Harris,” I says to her, “ex-cuge me, if + you please. My own,” I says, “has fallen out of three-pair backs, and had + damp doorsteps settled on their lungs, and one was turned up smilin’ in a + bedstead unbeknown. Therefore, ma’am,” I says, “seek not to proticipate, + but take ‘em as they come and as they go.” Mine,’ says Mrs Gamp, ‘mine is + all gone, my dear young chick. And as to husbands, there’s a wooden leg + gone likeways home to its account, which in its constancy of walkin’ into + wine vaults, and never comin’ out again ‘till fetched by force, was quite + as weak as flesh, if not weaker.’ + </p> + <p> + When she had delivered this oration, Mrs Gamp leaned her chin upon the + cool iron again; and looking intently at the Antwerp packet, shook her + head and groaned. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘I wouldn’t be a man and have such a think + upon my mind!—but nobody as owned the name of man, could do it!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom and his sister glanced at each other; and Ruth, after a moment’s + hesitation, asked Mrs Gamp what troubled her so much. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ returned that lady, dropping her voice, ‘you are single, ain’t + you?’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth laughed blushed, and said ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Worse luck,’ proceeded Mrs Gamp, ‘for all parties! But others is married, + and in the marriage state; and there is a dear young creetur a-comin’ down + this mornin’ to that very package, which is no more fit to trust herself + to sea, than nothin’ is!’ + </p> + <p> + She paused here to look over the deck of the packet in question, and on + the steps leading down to it, and on the gangways. Seeming to have thus + assured herself that the object of her commiseration had not yet arrived, + she raised her eyes gradually up to the top of the escape-pipe, and + indignantly apostrophised the vessel: + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, drat you!’ said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella at it, ‘you’re a nice + spluttering nisy monster for a delicate young creetur to go and be a + passinger by; ain’t you! <i>you </i>never do no harm in that way, do you? With + your hammering, and roaring, and hissing, and lamp-iling, you brute! Them + Confugion steamers,’ said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella again, ‘has done + more to throw us out of our reg’lar work and bring ewents on at times when + nobody counted on ‘em (especially them screeching railroad ones), than all + the other frights that ever was took. I have heerd of one young man, a + guard upon a railway, only three years opened—well does Mrs Harris + know him, which indeed he is her own relation by her sister’s marriage + with a master sawyer—as is godfather at this present time to + six-and-twenty blessed little strangers, equally unexpected, and all on + ‘um named after the Ingeines as was the cause. Ugh!’ said Mrs Gamp, + resuming her apostrophe, ‘one might easy know you was a man’s inwention, + from your disregardlessness of the weakness of our naturs, so one might, + you brute!’ + </p> + <p> + It would not have been unnatural to suppose, from the first part of Mrs + Gamp’s lamentations, that she was connected with the stage-coaching or + post-horsing trade. She had no means of judging of the effect of her + concluding remarks upon her young companion; for she interrupted herself + at this point, and exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + ‘There she identically goes! Poor sweet young creetur, there she goes, + like a lamb to the sacrifige! If there’s any illness when that wessel gets + to sea,’ said Mrs Gamp, prophetically, ‘it’s murder, and I’m the witness + for the persecution.’ + </p> + <p> + She was so very earnest on the subject, that Tom’s sister (being as kind + as Tom himself) could not help saying something to her in reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray, which is the lady,’ she inquired, ‘in whom you are so much + interested?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ groaned Mrs Gamp. ‘There she goes! A-crossin’ the little wooden + bridge at this minute. She’s a-slippin’ on a bit of orangepeel!’ tightly + clutching her umbrella. ‘What a turn it give me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean the lady who is with that man wrapped up from head to foot in + a large cloak, so that his face is almost hidden?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well he may hide it!’ Mrs Gamp replied. ‘He’s good call to be ashamed of + himself. Did you see him a-jerking of her wrist, then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He seems to be hasty with her, indeed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Now he’s a-taking of her down into the close cabin!’ said Mrs Gamp, + impatiently. ‘What’s the man about! The deuce is in him, I think. Why + can’t he leave her in the open air?’ + </p> + <p> + He did not, whatever his reason was, but led her quickly down and + disappeared himself, without loosening his cloak, or pausing on the + crowded deck one moment longer than was necessary to clear their way to + that part of the vessel. + </p> + <p> + Tom had not heard this little dialogue; for his attention had been engaged + in an unexpected manner. A hand upon his sleeve had caused him to look + round, just when Mrs Gamp concluded her apostrophe to the steam-engine; + and on his right arm, Ruth being on his left, he found their landlord, to + his great surprise. + </p> + <p> + He was not so much surprised at the man’s being there, as at his having + got close to him so quietly and swiftly; for another person had been at + his elbow one instant before; and he had not in the meantime been + conscious of any change or pressure in the knot of people among whom he + stood. He and Ruth had frequently remarked how noiselessly this landlord + of theirs came into and went out of his own house; but Tom was not the + less amazed to see him at his elbow now. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, Mr Pinch,’ he said in his ear. ‘I am rather infirm, + and out of breath, and my eyes are not very good. I am not as young as I + was, sir. You don’t see a gentleman in a large cloak down yonder, with a + lady on his arm; a lady in a veil and a black shawl; do you?’ + </p> + <p> + If <i>he</i> did not, it was curious that in speaking he should have singled out + from all the crowd the very people whom he described; and should have + glanced hastily from them to Tom, as if he were burning to direct his + wandering eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘A gentleman in a large cloak!’ said Tom, ‘and a lady in a black shawl! + Let me see!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes!’ replied the other, with keen impatience. ‘A gentleman muffled + up from head to foot—strangely muffled up for such a morning as this—like + an invalid, with his hand to his face at this minute, perhaps. No, no, no! + not there,’ he added, following Tom’s gaze; ‘the other way; in that + direction; down yonder.’ Again he indicated, but this time in his hurry, + with his outstretched finger, the very spot on which the progress of these + persons was checked at that moment. + </p> + <p> + ‘There are so many people, and so much motion, and so many objects,’ said + Tom, ‘that I find it difficult to—no, I really don’t see a gentleman + in a large cloak, and a lady in a black shawl. There’s a lady in a red + shawl over there!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, no!’ cried his landlord, pointing eagerly again, ‘not there. The + other way; the other way. Look at the cabin steps. To the left. They must + be near the cabin steps. Do you see the cabin steps? There’s the bell + ringing already! <i>do</i> you see the steps?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stay!’ said Tom, ‘you’re right. Look! there they go now. Is that the + gentleman you mean? Descending at this minute, with the folds of a great + cloak trailing down after him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The very man!’ returned the other, not looking at what Tom pointed out, + however, but at Tom’s own face. ‘Will you do me a kindness, sir, a great + kindness? Will you put that letter in his hand? Only give him that! He + expects it. I am charged to do it by my employers, but I am late in + finding him, and, not being as young as I have been, should never be able + to make my way on board and off the deck again in time. Will you pardon my + boldness, and do me that great kindness?’ + </p> + <p> + His hands shook, and his face bespoke the utmost interest and agitation, + as he pressed the letter upon Tom, and pointed to its destination, like + the Tempter in some grim old carving. + </p> + <p> + To hesitate in the performance of a good-natured or compassionate office + was not in Tom’s way. He took the letter; whispered Ruth to wait till he + returned, which would be immediately; and ran down the steps with all the + expedition he could make. There were so many people going down, so many + others coming up, such heavy goods in course of transit to and fro, such a + ringing of bell, blowing-off of steam, and shouting of men’s voices, that + he had much ado to force his way, or keep in mind to which boat he was + going. But he reached the right one with good speed, and going down the + cabin-stairs immediately, described the object of his search standing at + the upper end of the saloon, with his back towards him, reading some + notice which was hung against the wall. As Tom advanced to give him the + letter, he started, hearing footsteps, and turned round. + </p> + <p> + What was Tom’s astonishment to find in him the man with whom he had had + the conflict in the field—poor Mercy’s husband. Jonas! + </p> + <p> + Tom understood him to say, what the devil did he want; but it was not easy + to make out what he said; he spoke so indistinctly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I want nothing with you for myself,’ said Tom; ‘I was asked, a moment + since, to give you this letter. You were pointed out to me, but I didn’t + know you in your strange dress. Take it!’ + </p> + <p> + He did so, opened it, and read the writing on the inside. The contents + were evidently very brief; not more perhaps than one line; but they struck + upon him like a stone from a sling. He reeled back as he read. + </p> + <p> + His emotion was so different from any Tom had ever seen before that he + stopped involuntarily. Momentary as his state of indecision was, the bell + ceased while he stood there, and a hoarse voice calling down the steps, + inquired if there was any to go ashore? + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ cried Jonas, ‘I—I am coming. Give me time. Where’s that + woman! Come back; come back here.’ + </p> + <p> + He threw open another door as he spoke, and dragged, rather than led, her + forth. She was pale and frightened, and amazed to see her old + acquaintance; but had no time to speak, for they were making a great stir + above; and Jonas drew her rapidly towards the deck. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where are we going? What is the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We are going back,’ said Jonas. ‘I have changed my mind. I can’t go. + Don’t question me, or I shall be the death of you, or some one else. Stop + there! Stop! We’re for the shore. Do you hear? We’re for the shore!’ + </p> + <p> + He turned, even in the madness of his hurry, and scowling darkly back at + Tom, shook his clenched hand at him. There are not many human faces + capable of the expression with which he accompanied that gesture. + </p> + <p> + He dragged her up, and Tom followed them. Across the deck, over the side, + along the crazy plank, and up the steps, he dragged her fiercely; not + bestowing any look on her, but gazing upwards all the while among the + faces on the wharf. Suddenly he turned again, and said to Tom with a + tremendous oath: + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is he?’ + </p> + <p> + Before Tom, in his indignation and amazement, could return an answer to a + question he so little understood, a gentleman approached Tom behind, and + saluted Jonas Chuzzlewit by name. He has a gentleman of foreign + appearance, with a black moustache and whiskers; and addressed him with a + polite composure, strangely different from his own distracted and + desperate manner. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chuzzlewit, my good fellow!’ said the gentleman, raising his hat in + compliment to Mrs Chuzzlewit, ‘I ask your pardon twenty thousand times. I + am most unwilling to interfere between you and a domestic trip of this + nature (always so very charming and refreshing, I know, although I have + not the happiness to be a domestic man myself, which is the great + infelicity of my existence); but the beehive, my dear friend, the beehive—will + you introduce me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This is Mr Montague,’ said Jonas, whom the words appeared to choke. + </p> + <p> + ‘The most unhappy and most penitent of men, Mrs Chuzzlewit,’ pursued that + gentleman, ‘for having been the means of spoiling this excursion; but as I + tell my friend, the beehive, the beehive. You projected a short little + continental trip, my dear friend, of course?’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas maintained a dogged silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘May I die,’ cried Montague, ‘but I am shocked! Upon my soul I am shocked. + But that confounded beehive of ours in the city must be paramount to every + other consideration, when there is honey to be made; and that is my best + excuse. Here is a very singular old female dropping curtseys on my right,’ + said Montague, breaking off in his discourse, and looking at Mrs Gamp, + ‘who is not a friend of mine. Does anybody know her?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! Well they knows me, bless their precious hearts!’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘not + forgettin’ your own merry one, sir, and long may it be so! Wishin’ as + every one’ (she delivered this in the form of a toast or sentiment) ‘was + as merry, and as handsome-lookin’, as a little bird has whispered me a + certain gent is, which I will not name for fear I give offence where none + is doo! My precious lady,’ here she stopped short in her merriment, for + she had until now affected to be vastly entertained, ‘you’re too pale by + half!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>You </i>are here too, are you?’ muttered Jonas. ‘Ecod, there are enough of + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope, sir,’ returned Mrs Gamp, dropping an indignant curtsey, ‘as no + bones is broke by me and Mrs Harris a-walkin’ down upon a public wharf. + Which was the very words she says to me (although they was the last I ever + had to speak) was these: “Sairey,” she says, “is it a public wharf?” “Mrs + Harris,” I makes answer, “can you doubt it? You have know’d me now, ma’am, + eight and thirty year; and did you ever know me go, or wish to go, where I + was not made welcome, say the words.” “No, Sairey,” Mrs Harris says, + “contrairy quite.” And well she knows it too. I am but a poor woman, but + I’ve been sought after, sir, though you may not think it. I’ve been + knocked up at all hours of the night, and warned out by a many landlords, + in consequence of being mistook for Fire. I goes out workin’ for my bread, + ‘tis true, but I maintains my independency, with your kind leave, and + which I will till death. I has my feelins as a woman, sir, and I have been + a mother likeways; but touch a pipkin as belongs to me, or make the least + remarks on what I eats or drinks, and though you was the favouritest young + for’ard hussy of a servant-gal as ever come into a house, either you + leaves the place, or me. My earnins is not great, sir, but I will not be + impoged upon. Bless the babe, and save the mother, is my mortar, sir; but + I makes so free as add to that, Don’t try no impogician with the Nuss, for + she will not abear it!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp concluded by drawing her shawl tightly over herself with both + hands, and, as usual, referring to Mrs Harris for full corroboration of + these particulars. She had that peculiar trembling of the head which, in + ladies of her excitable nature, may be taken as a sure indication of their + breaking out again very shortly; when Jonas made a timely interposition. + </p> + <p> + ‘As you <i>are </i>here,’ he said, ‘you had better see to her, and take her home. + I am otherwise engaged.’ He said nothing more; but looked at Montague as + if to give him notice that he was ready to attend him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry to take you away,’ said Montague. + </p> + <p> + Jonas gave him a sinister look, which long lived in Tom’s memory, and + which he often recalled afterwards. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am, upon my life,’ said Montague. ‘Why did you make it necessary?’ + </p> + <p> + With the same dark glance as before, Jonas replied, after a moment’s + silence: + </p> + <p> + ‘The necessity is none of my making. You have brought it about yourself.’ + </p> + <p> + He said nothing more. He said even this as if he were bound, and in the + other’s power, but had a sullen and suppressed devil within him, which he + could not quite resist. His very gait, as they walked away together, was + like that of a fettered man; but, striving to work out at his clenched + hands, knitted brows, and fast-set lips, was the same imprisoned devil + still. + </p> + <p> + They got into a handsome cabriolet which was waiting for them and drove + away. + </p> + <p> + The whole of this extraordinary scene had passed so rapidly and the tumult + which prevailed around as so unconscious of any impression from it, that, + although Tom had been one of the chief actors, it was like a dream. No one + had noticed him after they had left the packet. He had stood behind Jonas, + and so near him, that he could not help hearing all that passed. He had + stood there, with his sister on his arm, expecting and hoping to have an + opportunity of explaining his strange share in this yet stranger business. + But Jonas had not raised his eyes from the ground; no one else had even + looked towards him; and before he could resolve on any course of action, + they were all gone. + </p> + <p> + He gazed round for his landlord. But he had done that more than once + already, and no such man was to be seen. He was still pursuing this search + with his eyes, when he saw a hand beckoning to him from a hackney-coach; + and hurrying towards it, found it was Merry’s. She addressed him + hurriedly, but bent out of the window, that she might not be overheard by + her companion, Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is it?’ she said. ‘Good heaven, what is it? Why did he tell me last + night to prepare for a long journey, and why have you brought us back like + criminals? Dear Mr Pinch!’ she clasped her hands distractedly, ‘be + merciful to us. Whatever this dreadful secret is, be merciful, and God + will bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If any power of mercy lay with me,’ cried Tom, ‘trust me, you shouldn’t + ask in vain. But I am far more ignorant and weak than you.’ + </p> + <p> + She withdrew into the coach again, and he saw the hand waving towards him + for a moment; but whether in reproachfulness or incredulity or misery, or + grief, or sad adieu, or what else, he could not, being so hurried, + understand. <i>She </i>was gone now; and Ruth and he were left to walk away, and + wonder. + </p> + <p> + Had Mr Nadgett appointed the man who never came, to meet him upon London + Bridge that morning? He was certainly looking over the parapet, and down + upon the steamboat-wharf at that moment. It could not have been for + pleasure; he never took pleasure. No. He must have had some business + there. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0041" id="link2HCH0041"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-ONE + </h2> + <p> + MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND, ARRIVING AT A PLEASANT UNDERSTANDING, SET FORTH + UPON AN ENTERPRISE + </p> + <p> + The office of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance + Company being near at hand, and Mr Montague driving Jonas straight there, + they had very little way to go. But the journey might have been one of + several hours’ duration, without provoking a remark from either; for it + was clear that Jonas did not mean to break the silence which prevailed + between them, and that it was not, as yet, his dear friend’s cue to tempt + them into conversation. + </p> + <p> + He had thrown aside his cloak, as having now no motive for concealment, + and with that garment huddled on his knees, sat as far removed from his + companion as the limited space in such a carriage would allow. There was a + striking difference in his manner, compared with what it had been, within + a few minutes, when Tom encountered him so unexpectedly on board the + packet, or when the ugly change had fallen on him in Mr Montague’s + dressing-room. He had the aspect of a man found out and held at bay; of + being baffled, hunted, and beset; but there was now a dawning and + increasing purpose in his face, which changed it very much. It was gloomy, + distrustful, lowering; pale with anger and defeat; it still was humbled, + abject, cowardly and mean; but, let the conflict go on as it would, there + was one strong purpose wrestling with every emotion of his mind, and + casting the whole series down as they arose. + </p> + <p> + Not prepossessing in appearance at the best of times, it may be readily + supposed that he was not so now. He had left deep marks of his front teeth + in his nether lip; and those tokens of the agitation he had lately + undergone improved his looks as little as the heavy corrugations in his + forehead. But he was self-possessed now; unnaturally self-possessed, + indeed, as men quite otherwise than brave are known to be in desperate + extremities; and when the carriage stopped, he waited for no invitation, + but leapt hardily out, and went upstairs. + </p> + <p> + The chairman followed him; and closing the board-room door as soon as they + had entered, threw himself upon a sofa. Jonas stood before the window, + looking down into the street; and leaned against the sash, resting his + head upon his arms. + </p> + <p> + ‘This is not handsome, Chuzzlewit!’ said Montague at length. ‘Not handsome + upon my soul!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What would you have me do?’ he answered, looking round abruptly; ‘What do + you expect?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Confidence, my good fellow. Some confidence!’ said Montague in an injured + tone. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod! You show great confidence in me,’ retorted Jonas. ‘Don’t you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do I not?’ said his companion, raising his head, and looking at him, but + he had turned again. ‘Do I not? Have I not confided to you the easy + schemes I have formed for our advantage; <i>our </i>advantage, mind; not mine + alone; and what is my return? Attempted flight!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you know that? Who said I meant to fly?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who said? Come, come. A foreign boat, my friend, an early hour, a figure + wrapped up for disguise! Who said? If you didn’t mean to jilt me, why were + you there? If you didn’t mean to jilt me, why did you come back?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I came back,’ said Jonas, ‘to avoid disturbance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You were wise,’ rejoined his friend. + </p> + <p> + Jonas stood quite silent; still looking down into the street, and resting + his head upon his arms. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, Chuzzlewit,’ said Montague, ‘notwithstanding what has passed I will + be plain with you. Are you attending to me there? I only see your back.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hear you. Go on!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I say that notwithstanding what has passed, I will be plain with you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You said that before. And I have told you once I heard you say it. Go + on.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are a little chafed, but I can make allowance for that, and am, + fortunately, myself in the very best of tempers. Now, let us see how + circumstances stand. A day or two ago, I mentioned to you, my dear fellow, + that I thought I had discovered—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you hold your tongue?’ said Jonas, looking fiercely round, and + glancing at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well!’ said Montague. ‘Judicious! Quite correct! My discoveries + being published, would be like many other men’s discoveries in this honest + world; of no further use to me. You see, Chuzzlewit, how ingenuous and + frank I am in showing you the weakness of my own position! To return. I + make, or think I make, a certain discovery which I take an early + opportunity of mentioning in your ear, in that spirit of confidence which + I really hoped did prevail between us, and was reciprocated by you. + Perhaps there is something in it; perhaps there is nothing. I have my + knowledge and opinion on the subject. You have yours. We will not discuss + the question. But, my good fellow, you have been weak; what I wish to + point out to you is, that you have been weak. I may desire to turn this + little incident to my account (indeed, I do—I’ll not deny it), but + my account does not lie in probing it, or using it against you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you call using it against me?’ asked Jonas, who had not yet + changed his attitude. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Montague, with a laugh. ‘We’ll not enter into that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Using it to make a beggar of me. Is that the use you mean?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod,’ muttered Jonas, bitterly. ‘That’s the use in which your account + <i>does </i>lie. You speak the truth there.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish you to venture (it’s a very safe venture) a little more with us, + certainly, and to keep quiet,’ said Montague. ‘You promised me you would; + and you must. I say it plainly, Chuzzlewit, you <i>must</i>. Reason the matter. + If you don’t, my secret is worthless to me: and being so, it may as well + become the public property as mine; better, for I shall gain some credit, + bringing it to light. I want you, besides, to act as a decoy in a case I + have already told you of. You don’t mind that, I know. You care nothing + for the man (you care nothing for any man; you are too sharp; so am I, I + hope); and could bear any loss of his with pious fortitude. Ha, ha, ha! + You have tried to escape from the first consequence. You cannot escape it, + I assure you. I have shown you that to-day. Now, I am not a moral man, you + know. I am not the least in the world affected by anything you may have + done; by any little indiscretion you may have committed; but I wish to + profit by it if I can; and to a man of your intelligence I make that free + confession. I am not at all singular in that infirmity. Everybody profits + by the indiscretion of his neighbour; and the people in the best repute, + the most. Why do you give me this trouble? It must come to a friendly + agreement, or an unfriendly crash. It must. If the former, you are very + little hurt. If the latter—well! you know best what is likely to + happen then.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas left the window, and walked up close to him. He did not look him in + the face; it was not his habit to do that; but he kept his eyes towards + him—on his breast, or thereabouts—and was at great pains to + speak slowly and distinctly in reply. Just as a man in a state of + conscious drunkenness might be. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lying is of no use now,’ he said. ‘I <i>did </i>think of getting away this + morning, and making better terms with you from a distance.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure! to be sure!’ replied Montague. ‘Nothing more natural. I + foresaw that, and provided against it. But I am afraid I am interrupting + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How the devil,’ pursued Jonas, with a still greater effort, ‘you made + choice of your messenger, and where you found him, I’ll not ask you. I + owed him one good turn before to-day. If you are so careless of men in + general, as you said you were just now, you are quite indifferent to what + becomes of such a crop-tailed cur as that, and will leave me to settle my + account with him in my own manner.’ + </p> + <p> + If he had raised his eyes to his companion’s face, he would have seen that + Montague was evidently unable to comprehend his meaning. But continuing to + stand before him, with his furtive gaze directed as before, and pausing + here only to moisten his dry lips with his tongue, the fact was lost upon + him. It might have struck a close observer that this fixed and steady + glance of Jonas’s was a part of the alteration which had taken place in + his demeanour. He kept it riveted on one spot, with which his thoughts had + manifestly nothing to do; like as a juggler walking on a cord or wire to + any dangerous end, holds some object in his sight to steady him, and never + wanders from it, lest he trip. + </p> + <p> + Montague was quick in his rejoinder, though he made it at a venture. There + was no difference of opinion between him and his friend on <i>that </i>point. Not + the least. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your great discovery,’ Jonas proceeded, with a savage sneer that got the + better of him for the moment, ‘may be true, and may be false. Whichever it + is, I dare say I’m no worse than other men.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a bit,’ said Tigg. ‘Not a bit. We’re all alike—or nearly so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I want to know this,’ Jonas went on to say; ‘is it your own? You’ll not + wonder at my asking the question.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My own!’ repeated Montague. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ returned the other, gruffly. ‘Is it known to anybody else? Come! + Don’t waver about that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ said Montague, without the smallest hesitation. ‘What would it be + worth, do you think, unless I had the keeping of it?’ + </p> + <p> + Now, for the first time, Jonas looked at him. After a pause, he put out + his hand, and said, with a laugh: + </p> + <p> + ‘Come! make things easy to me, and I’m yours. I don’t know that I may not + be better off here, after all, than if I had gone away this morning. But + here I am, and here I’ll stay now. Take your oath!’ + </p> + <p> + He cleared his throat, for he was speaking hoarsely and said in a lighter + tone: + </p> + <p> + ‘Shall I go to Pecksniff? When? Say when!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Immediately!’ cried Montague. ‘He cannot be enticed too soon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod!’ cried Jonas, with a wild laugh. ‘There’s some fun in catching that + old hypocrite. I hate him. Shall I go to-night?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye! This,’ said Montague, ecstatically, ‘is like business! We understand + each other now! To-night, my good fellow, by all means.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come with me,’ cried Jonas. ‘We must make a dash; go down in state, and + carry documents, for he’s a deep file to deal with, and must be drawn on + with an artful hand, or he’ll not follow. I know him. As I can’t take your + lodgings or your dinners down, I must take you. Will you come to-night?’ + </p> + <p> + His friend appeared to hesitate; and neither to have anticipated this + proposal, nor to relish it very much. + </p> + <p> + ‘We can concert our plans upon the road,’ said Jonas. ‘We must not go + direct to him, but cross over from some other place, and turn out of our + way to see him. I may not want to introduce you, but I must have you on + the spot. I know the man, I tell you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But what if the man knows me?’ said Montague, shrugging his shoulders. + </p> + <p> + ‘He know!’ cried Jonas. ‘Don’t you run that risk with fifty men a day! + Would your father know you? Did I know you? Ecod! You were another figure + when I saw you first. Ha, ha, ha! I see the rents and patches now! No + false hair then, no black dye! You were another sort of joker in those + days, you were! You even spoke different then. You’ve acted the gentleman + so seriously since, that you’ve taken in yourself. If he should know you, + what does it matter? Such a change is a proof of your success. You know + that, or you would not have made yourself known to me. Will you come?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good fellow,’ said Montague, still hesitating, ‘I can trust you + alone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Trust me! Ecod, you may trust me now, far enough. I’ll try to go away no + more—no more!’ He stopped, and added in a more sober tone, ‘I can’t + get on without you. Will you come?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will,’ said Montague, ‘if that’s your opinion.’ And they shook hands + upon it. + </p> + <p> + The boisterous manner which Jonas had exhibited during the latter part of + this conversation, and which had gone on rapidly increasing with almost + every word he had spoken, from the time when he looked his honourable + friend in the face until now, did not now subside, but, remaining at its + height, abided by him. Most unusual with him at any period; most + inconsistent with his temper and constitution; especially unnatural it + would appear in one so darkly circumstanced; it abided by him. It was not + like the effect of wine, or any ardent drink, for he was perfectly + coherent. It even made him proof against the usual influence of such means + of excitement; for, although he drank deeply several times that day, with + no reserve or caution, he remained exactly the same man, and his spirits + neither rose nor fell in the least observable degree. + </p> + <p> + Deciding, after some discussion, to travel at night, in order that the + day’s business might not be broken in upon, they took counsel together in + reference to the means. Mr Montague being of opinion that four horses were + advisable, at all events for the first stage, as throwing a great deal of + dust into people’s eyes, in more senses than one, a travelling chariot and + four lay under orders for nine o’clock. Jonas did not go home; observing, + that his being obliged to leave town on business in so great a hurry, + would be a good excuse for having turned back so unexpectedly in the + morning. So he wrote a note for his portmanteau, and sent it by a + messenger, who duly brought his luggage back, with a short note from that + other piece of luggage, his wife, expressive of her wish to be allowed to + come and see him for a moment. To this request he sent for answer, ‘she + had better;’ and one such threatening affirmative being sufficient, in + defiance of the English grammar, to express a negative, she kept away. + </p> + <p> + Mr Montague being much engaged in the course of the day, Jonas bestowed + his spirits chiefly on the doctor, with whom he lunched in the medical + officer’s own room. On his way thither, encountering Mr Nadgett in the + outer room, he bantered that stealthy gentleman on always appearing + anxious to avoid him, and inquired if he were afraid of him. Mr Nadgett + slyly answered, ‘No, but he believed it must be his way as he had been + charged with much the same kind of thing before.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Montague was listening to, or, to speak with greater elegance, he + overheard, this dialogue. As soon as Jonas was gone he beckoned Nadgett to + him with the feather of his pen, and whispered in his ear. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who gave him my letter this morning?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My lodger, sir,’ said Nadgett, behind the palm of his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘How came that about?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I found him on the wharf, sir. Being so much hurried, and you not + arrived, it was necessary to do something. It fortunately occurred to me, + that if I gave it him myself I could be of no further use. I should have + been blown upon immediately.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Nadgett, you are a jewel,’ said Montague, patting him on the back. + ‘What’s your lodger’s name?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pinch, sir. Thomas Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + Montague reflected for a little while, and then asked: + </p> + <p> + ‘From the country, do you know?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘From Wiltshire, sir, he told me.’ + </p> + <p> + They parted without another word. To see Mr Nadgett’s bow when Montague + and he next met, and to see Mr Montague acknowledge it, anybody might have + undertaken to swear that they had never spoken to each other + confidentially in all their lives. + </p> + <p> + In the meanwhile, Mr Jonas and the doctor made themselves very comfortable + upstairs, over a bottle of the old Madeira and some sandwiches; for the + doctor having been already invited to dine below at six o’clock, preferred + a light repast for lunch. It was advisable, he said, in two points of + view: First, as being healthy in itself. Secondly as being the better + preparation for dinner. + </p> + <p> + ‘And you are bound for all our sakes to take particular care of your + digestion, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir,’ said the doctor smacking his lips + after a glass of wine; ‘for depend upon it, it is worth preserving. It + must be in admirable condition, sir; perfect chronometer-work. Otherwise + your spirits could not be so remarkable. Your bosom’s lord sits lightly on + its throne, Mr Chuzzlewit, as what’s-his-name says in the play. I wish he + said it in a play which did anything like common justice to our + profession, by the bye. There is an apothecary in that drama, sir, which + is a low thing; vulgar, sir; out of nature altogether.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jobling pulled out his shirt-frill of fine linen, as though he would + have said, ‘This is what I call nature in a medical man, sir;’ and looked + at Jonas for an observation. + </p> + <p> + Jonas not being in a condition to pursue the subject, took up a case of + lancets that was lying on the table, and opened it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said the doctor, leaning back in his chair, ‘I always take ‘em out + of my pocket before I eat. My pockets are rather tight. Ha, ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas had opened one of the shining little instruments; and was + scrutinizing it with a look as sharp and eager as its own bright edge. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good steel, doctor. Good steel! Eh!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ye-es,’ replied the doctor, with the faltering modesty of ownership. ‘One + might open a vein pretty dexterously with that, Mr Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It has opened a good many in its time, I suppose?’ said Jonas looking at + it with a growing interest. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a few, my dear sir, not a few. It has been engaged in a—in a + pretty good practice, I believe I may say,’ replied the doctor, coughing + as if the matter-of-fact were so very dry and literal that he couldn’t + help it. ‘In a pretty good practice,’ repeated the doctor, putting another + glass of wine to his lips. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, could you cut a man’s throat with such a thing as this?’ demanded + Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh certainly, certainly, if you took him in the right place,’ returned + the doctor. ‘It all depends upon that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where you have your hand now, hey?’ cried Jonas, bending forward to look + at it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said the doctor; ‘that’s the jugular.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas, in his vivacity, made a sudden sawing in the air, so close behind + the doctor’s jugular that he turned quite red. Then Jonas (in the same + strange spirit of vivacity) burst into a loud discordant laugh. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said the doctor, shaking his head; ‘edge tools, edge tools; + never play with ‘em. A very remarkable instance of the skillful use of + edge-tools, by the way, occurs to me at this moment. It was a case of + murder. I am afraid it was a case of murder, committed by a member of our + profession; it was so artistically done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye!’ said Jonas. ‘How was that?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ returned Jobling, ‘the thing lies in a nutshell. A certain + gentleman was found, one morning, in an obscure street, lying in an angle + of a doorway—I should rather say, leaning, in an upright position, + in the angle of a doorway, and supported consequently by the doorway. Upon + his waistcoat there was one solitary drop of blood. He was dead and cold; + and had been murdered, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Only one drop of blood!’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sir, that man,’ replied the doctor, ‘had been stabbed to the heart. Had + been stabbed to the heart with such dexterity, sir, that he had died + instantly, and had bled internally. It was supposed that a medical friend + of his (to whom suspicion attached) had engaged him in conversation on + some pretence; had taken him, very likely, by the button in a + conversational manner; had examined his ground at leisure with his other + hand; had marked the exact spot; drawn out the instrument, whatever it + was, when he was quite prepared; and—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And done the trick,’ suggested Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly so,’ replied the doctor. ‘It was quite an operation in its way, + and very neat. The medical friend never turned up; and, as I tell you, he + had the credit of it. Whether he did it or not I can’t say. But, having + had the honour to be called in with two or three of my professional + brethren on the occasion, and having assisted to make a careful + examination of the wound, I have no hesitation in saying that it would + have reflected credit on any medical man; and that in an unprofessional + person it could not but be considered, either as an extraordinary work of + art, or the result of a still more extraordinary, happy, and favourable + conjunction of circumstances.’ + </p> + <p> + His hearer was so much interested in this case, that the doctor went on to + elucidate it with the assistance of his own finger and thumb and + waistcoat; and at Jonas’s request, he took the further trouble of going + into a corner of the room, and alternately representing the murdered man + and the murderer; which he did with great effect. The bottle being emptied + and the story done, Jonas was in precisely the same boisterous and unusual + state as when they had sat down. If, as Jobling theorized, his good + digestion were the cause, he must have been a very ostrich. + </p> + <p> + At dinner it was just the same; and after dinner too; though wine was + drunk in abundance, and various rich meats eaten. At nine o’clock it was + still the same. There being a lamp in the carriage, he swore they would + take a pack of cards, and a bottle of wine; and with these things under + his cloak, went down to the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Out of the way, Tom Thumb, and get to bed!’ + </p> + <p> + This was the salutation he bestowed on Mr Bailey, who, booted and wrapped + up, stood at the carriage door to help him in. + </p> + <p> + ‘To bed, sir! I’m a-going, too,’ said Bailey. + </p> + <p> + He alighted quickly, and walked back into the hall, where Montague was + lighting a cigar; conducting Mr Bailey with him, by the collar. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are not a-going to take this monkey of a boy, are you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said Montague. + </p> + <p> + He gave the boy a shake, and threw him roughly aside. There was more of + his familiar self in the action, than in anything he had done that day; + but he broke out laughing immediately afterwards, and making a thrust at + the doctor with his hand, in imitation of his representation of the + medical friend, went out to the carriage again, and took his seat. His + companion followed immediately. Mr Bailey climbed into the rumble. ‘It + will be a stormy night!’ exclaimed the doctor, as they started. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0042" id="link2HCH0042"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-TWO + </h2> + <h3> + CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + </h3> + <p> + The doctor’s prognostication in reference to the weather was speedily + verified. Although the weather was not a patient of his, and no third + party had required him to give an opinion on the case, the quick + fulfilment of his prophecy may be taken as an instance of his professional + tact; for, unless the threatening aspect of the night had been perfectly + plain and unmistakable, Mr Jobling would never have compromised his + reputation by delivering any sentiments on the subject. He used this + principle in Medicine with too much success to be unmindful of it in his + commonest transactions. + </p> + <p> + It was one of those hot, silent nights, when people sit at windows + listening for the thunder which they know will shortly break; when they + recall dismal tales of hurricanes and earthquakes; and of lonely + travellers on open plains, and lonely ships at sea, struck by lightning. + Lightning flashed and quivered on the black horizon even now; and hollow + murmurings were in the wind, as though it had been blowing where the + thunder rolled, and still was charged with its exhausted echoes. But the + storm, though gathering swiftly, had not yet come up; and the prevailing + stillness was the more solemn, from the dull intelligence that seemed to + hover in the air, of noise and conflict afar off. + </p> + <p> + It was very dark; but in the murky sky there were masses of cloud which + shone with a lurid light, like monstrous heaps of copper that had been + heated in a furnace, and were growing cold. These had been advancing + steadily and slowly, but they were now motionless, or nearly so. As the + carriage clattered round the corners of the streets, it passed at every + one a knot of persons who had come there—many from their houses + close at hand, without hats—to look up at that quarter of the sky. + And now a very few large drops of rain began to fall, and thunder rumbled + in the distance. + </p> + <p> + Jonas sat in a corner of the carriage with his bottle resting on his knee, + and gripped as tightly in his hand as if he would have ground its neck to + powder if he could. Instinctively attracted by the night, he had laid + aside the pack of cards upon the cushion; and with the same involuntary + impulse, so intelligible to both of them as not to occasion a remark on + either side, his companion had extinguished the lamp. The front glasses + were down; and they sat looking silently out upon the gloomy scene before + them. + </p> + <p> + They were clear of London, or as clear of it as travellers can be whose + way lies on the Western Road, within a stage of that enormous city. + Occasionally they encountered a foot-passenger, hurrying to the nearest + place of shelter; or some unwieldy cart proceeding onward at a heavy trot, + with the same end in view. Little clusters of such vehicles were gathered + round the stable-yard or baiting-place of every wayside tavern; while + their drivers watched the weather from the doors and open windows, or made + merry within. Everywhere the people were disposed to bear each other + company rather than sit alone; so that groups of watchful faces seemed to + be looking out upon the night <i>and them</i>, from almost every house they + passed. + </p> + <p> + It may appear strange that this should have disturbed Jonas, or rendered + him uneasy; but it did. After muttering to himself, and often changing his + position, he drew up the blind on his side of the carriage, and turned his + shoulder sulkily towards it. But he neither looked at his companion, nor + broke the silence which prevailed between them, and which had fallen so + suddenly upon himself, by addressing a word to him. + </p> + <p> + The thunder rolled, the lightning flashed; the rain poured down like + Heaven’s wrath. Surrounded at one moment by intolerable light, and at the + next by pitchy darkness, they still pressed forward on their journey. Even + when they arrived at the end of the stage, and might have tarried, they + did not; but ordered horses out immediately. Nor had this any reference to + some five minutes’ lull, which at that time seemed to promise a cessation + of the storm. They held their course as if they were impelled and driven + by its fury. Although they had not exchanged a dozen words, and might have + tarried very well, they seemed to feel, by joint consent, that onward they + must go. + </p> + <p> + Louder and louder the deep thunder rolled, as through the myriad halls of + some vast temple in the sky; fiercer and brighter became the lightning, + more and more heavily the rain poured down. The horses (they were + travelling now with a single pair) plunged and started from the rills of + quivering fire that seemed to wind along the ground before them; but there + these two men sat, and forward they went as if they were led on by an + invisible attraction. + </p> + <p> + The eye, partaking of the quickness of the flashing light, saw in its + every gleam a multitude of objects which it could not see at steady noon + in fifty times that period. Bells in steeples, with the rope and wheel + that moved them; ragged nests of birds in cornices and nooks; faces full + of consternation in the tilted waggons that came tearing past; their + frightened teams ringing out a warning which the thunder drowned; harrows + and ploughs left out in fields; miles upon miles of hedge-divided country, + with the distant fringe of trees as obvious as the scarecrow in the + bean-field close at hand; in a trembling, vivid, flickering instant, + everything was clear and plain; then came a flush of red into the yellow + light; a change to blue; a brightness so intense that there was nothing + else but light; and then the deepest and profoundest darkness. + </p> + <p> + The lightning being very crooked and very dazzling may have presented or + assisted a curious optical illusion, which suddenly rose before the + startled eyes of Montague in the carriage, and as rapidly disappeared. He + thought he saw Jonas with his hand lifted, and the bottle clenched in it + like a hammer, making as if he would aim a blow at his head. At the same + time he observed (or so believed) an expression in his face—a + combination of the unnatural excitement he had shown all day, with a wild + hatred and fear—which might have rendered a wolf a less terrible + companion. + </p> + <p> + He uttered an involuntary exclamation, and called to the driver, who + brought his horses to a stop with all speed. + </p> + <p> + It could hardly have been as he supposed, for although he had not taken + his eyes off his companion, and had not seen him move, he sat reclining in + his corner as before. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter?’ said Jonas. ‘Is that your general way of waking out + of your sleep?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I could swear,’ returned the other, ‘that I have not closed my eyes!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘When you have sworn it,’ said Jonas, composedly, ‘we had better go on + again, if you have only stopped for that.’ + </p> + <p> + He uncorked the bottle with the help of his teeth; and putting it to his + lips, took a long draught. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish we had never started on this journey. This is not,’ said Montague, + recoiling instinctively, and speaking in a voice that betrayed his + agitation; ‘this is not a night to travel in.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod! you’re right there,’ returned Jonas, ‘and we shouldn’t be out in it + but for you. If you hadn’t kept me waiting all day, we might have been at + Salisbury by this time; snug abed and fast asleep. What are we stopping + for?’ + </p> + <p> + His companion put his head out of window for a moment, and drawing it in + again, observed (as if that were his cause of anxiety), that the boy was + drenched to the skin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Serve him right,’ said Jonas. ‘I’m glad of it. What the devil are we + stopping for? Are you going to spread him out to dry?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have half a mind to take him inside,’ observed the other with some + hesitation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! thankee!’ said Jonas. ‘We don’t want any damp boys here; especially a + young imp like him. Let him be where he is. He ain’t afraid of a little + thunder and lightning, I dare say; whoever else is. Go on, driver. We had + better have <i>him </i>inside perhaps,’ he muttered with a laugh; ‘and the + horses!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t go too fast,’ cried Montague to the postillion; ‘and take care how + you go. You were nearly in the ditch when I called to you.’ + </p> + <p> + This was not true; and Jonas bluntly said so, as they moved forward again. + Montague took little or no heed of what he said, but repeated that it was + not a night for travelling, and showed himself, both then and afterwards, + unusually anxious. + </p> + <p> + From this time Jonas recovered his former spirits, if such a term may be + employed to express the state in which he had left the city. He had his + bottle often at his mouth; roared out snatches of songs, without the least + regard to time or tune or voice, or anything but loud discordance; and + urged his silent friend to be merry with him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re the best company in the world, my good fellow,’ said Montague with + an effort, ‘and in general irresistible; but to-night—do you hear + it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod! I hear and see it too,’ cried Jonas, shading his eyes, for the + moment, from the lightning which was flashing, not in any one direction, + but all around them. ‘What of that? It don’t change you, nor me, nor our + affairs. Chorus, chorus, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + It may lighten and storm, + Till it hunt the red worm + From the grass where the gibbet is driven; + But it can’t hurt the dead, + And it won’t save the head + That is doom’d to be rifled and riven. +</pre> + <p> + That must be a precious old song,’ he added with an oath, as he stopped + short in a kind of wonder at himself. ‘I haven’t heard it since I was a + boy, and how it comes into my head now, unless the lightning put it there, + I don’t know. “Can’t hurt the dead”! No, no. “And won’t save the head”! + No, no. No! Ha, ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + His mirth was of such a savage and extraordinary character, and was, in an + inexplicable way, at once so suited to the night, and yet such a coarse + intrusion on its terrors, that his fellow-traveller, always a coward, + shrunk from him in positive fear. Instead of Jonas being his tool and + instrument, their places seemed to be reversed. But there was reason for + this too, Montague thought; since the sense of his debasement might + naturally inspire such a man with the wish to assert a noisy independence, + and in that licence to forget his real condition. Being quick enough, in + reference to such subjects of contemplation, he was not long in taking + this argument into account and giving it its full weight. But still, he + felt a vague sense of alarm, and was depressed and uneasy. + </p> + <p> + He was certain he had not been asleep; but his eyes might have deceived + him; for, looking at Jonas now in any interval of darkness, he could + represent his figure to himself in any attitude his state of mind + suggested. On the other hand, he knew full well that Jonas had no reason + to love him; and even taking the piece of pantomime which had so impressed + his mind to be a real gesture, and not the working of his fancy, the most + that could be said of it was, that it was quite in keeping with the rest + of his diabolical fun, and had the same impotent expression of truth in + it. ‘If he could kill me with a wish,’ thought the swindler, ‘I should not + live long.’ + </p> + <p> + He resolved that when he should have had his use of Jonas, he would + restrain him with an iron curb; in the meantime, that he could not do + better than leave him to take his own way, and preserve his own peculiar + description of good-humour, after his own uncommon manner. It was no great + sacrifice to bear with him; ‘for when all is got that can be got,’ thought + Montague, ‘I shall decamp across the water, and have the laugh on my side—and + the gains.’ + </p> + <p> + Such were his reflections from hour to hour; his state of mind being one + in which the same thoughts constantly present themselves over and over + again in wearisome repetition; while Jonas, who appeared to have dismissed + reflection altogether, entertained himself as before. They agreed that + they would go to Salisbury, and would cross to Mr Pecksniff’s in the + morning; and at the prospect of deluding that worthy gentleman, the + spirits of his amiable son-in-law became more boisterous than ever. + </p> + <p> + As the night wore on, the thunder died away, but still rolled gloomily and + mournfully in the distance. The lightning too, though now comparatively + harmless, was yet bright and frequent. The rain was quite as violent as it + had ever been. + </p> + <p> + It was their ill-fortune, at about the time of dawn and in the last stage + of their journey, to have a restive pair of horses. These animals had been + greatly terrified in their stable by the tempest; and coming out into the + dreary interval between night and morning, when the glare of the lightning + was yet unsubdued by day, and the various objects in their view were + presented in indistinct and exaggerated shapes which they would not have + worn by night, they gradually became less and less capable of control; + until, taking a sudden fright at something by the roadside, they dashed + off wildly down a steep hill, flung the driver from his saddle, drew the + carriage to the brink of a ditch, stumbled headlong down, and threw it + crashing over. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20661m.jpg" alt="20661m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20661.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + The travellers had opened the carriage door, and had either jumped or + fallen out. Jonas was the first to stagger to his feet. He felt sick and + weak, and very giddy, and reeling to a five-barred gate, stood holding by + it; looking drowsily about as the whole landscape swam before his eyes. + But, by degrees, he grew more conscious, and presently observed that + Montague was lying senseless in the road, within a few feet of the horses. + </p> + <p> + In an instant, as if his own faint body were suddenly animated by a demon, + he ran to the horses’ heads; and pulling at their bridles with all his + force, set them struggling and plunging with such mad violence as brought + their hoofs at every effort nearer to the skull of the prostrate man; and + must have led in half a minute to his brains being dashed out on the + highway. + </p> + <p> + As he did this, he fought and contended with them like a man possessed, + making them wilder by his cries. + </p> + <p> + ‘Whoop!’ cried Jonas. ‘Whoop! again! another! A little more, a little + more! Up, ye devils! Hillo!’ + </p> + <p> + As he heard the driver, who had risen and was hurrying up, crying to him + to desist, his violence increased. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hiilo! Hillo!’ cried Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘For God’s sake!’ cried the driver. ‘The gentleman—in the road—he’ll + be killed!’ + </p> + <p> + The same shouts and the same struggles were his only answer. But the man + darting in at the peril of his own life, saved Montague’s, by dragging him + through the mire and water out of the reach of present harm. That done, he + ran to Jonas; and with the aid of his knife they very shortly disengaged + the horses from the broken chariot, and got them, cut and bleeding, on + their legs again. The postillion and Jonas had now leisure to look at each + other, which they had not had yet. + </p> + <p> + ‘Presence of mind, presence of mind!’ cried Jonas, throwing up his hands + wildly. ‘What would you have done without me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The other gentleman would have done badly without <i>me</i>,’ returned the man, + shaking his head. ‘You should have moved him first. I gave him up for + dead.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Presence of mind, you croaker, presence of mind’ cried Jonas with a harsh + loud laugh. ‘Was he struck, do you think?’ + </p> + <p> + They both turned to look at him. Jonas muttered something to himself, when + he saw him sitting up beneath the hedge, looking vacantly around. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Montague. ‘Is anybody hurt?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod!’ said Jonas, ‘it don’t seem so. There are no bones broken, after + all.’ + </p> + <p> + They raised him, and he tried to walk. He was a good deal shaken, and + trembled very much. But with the exception of a few cuts and bruises this + was all the damage he had sustained. + </p> + <p> + ‘Cuts and bruises, eh?’ said Jonas. ‘We’ve all got them. Only cuts and + bruises, eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I wouldn’t have given sixpence for the gentleman’s head in half-a-dozen + seconds more, for all he’s only cut and bruised,’ observed the post-boy. + ‘If ever you’re in an accident of this sort again, sir; which I hope you + won’t be; never you pull at the bridle of a horse that’s down, when + there’s a man’s head in the way. That can’t be done twice without there + being a dead man in the case; it would have ended in that, this time, as + sure as ever you were born, if I hadn’t come up just when I did.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas replied by advising him with a curse to hold his tongue, and to go + somewhere, whither he was not very likely to go of his own accord. But + Montague, who had listened eagerly to every word, himself diverted the + subject, by exclaiming: ‘Where’s the boy?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod! I forgot that monkey,’ said Jonas. ‘What’s become of him?’ A very + brief search settled that question. The unfortunate Mr Bailey had been + thrown sheer over the hedge or the five-barred gate; and was lying in the + neighbouring field, to all appearance dead. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I said to-night, that I wished I had never started on this journey,’ + cried his master, ‘I knew it was an ill-fated one. Look at this boy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is that all?’ growled Jonas. ‘If you call <i>that </i>a sign of it—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what should I call a sign of it?’ asked Montague, hurriedly. ‘What + do you mean?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I mean,’ said Jonas, stooping down over the body, ‘that I never heard you + were his father, or had any particular reason to care much about him. + Halloa. Hold up there!’ + </p> + <p> + But the boy was past holding up, or being held up, or giving any other + sign of life than a faint and fitful beating of the heart. After some + discussion the driver mounted the horse which had been least injured, and + took the lad in his arms as well as he could; while Montague and Jonas, + leading the other horse, and carrying a trunk between them, walked by his + side towards Salisbury. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’d get there in a few minutes, and be able to send assistance to meet + us, if you went forward, post-boy,’ said Jonas. ‘Trot on!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ cried Montague; ‘we’ll keep together.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what a chicken you are! You are not afraid of being robbed; are + you?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not afraid of anything,’ replied the other, whose looks and manner + were in flat contradiction to his words. ‘But we’ll keep together.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You were mighty anxious about the boy, a minute ago,’ said Jonas. ‘I + suppose you know that he may die in the meantime?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye. I know. But we’ll keep together.’ + </p> + <p> + As it was clear that he was not to be moved from this determination, Jonas + made no other rejoinder than such as his face expressed; and they + proceeded in company. They had three or four good miles to travel; and the + way was not made easier by the state of the road, the burden by which they + were embarrassed, or their own stiff and sore condition. After a + sufficiently long and painful walk, they arrived at the Inn; and having + knocked the people up (it being yet very early in the morning), sent out + messengers to see to the carriage and its contents, and roused a surgeon + from his bed to tend the chief sufferer. All the service he could render, + he rendered promptly and skillfully. But he gave it as his opinion that + the boy was labouring under a severe concussion of the brain, and that Mr + Bailey’s mortal course was run. + </p> + <p> + If Montague’s strong interest in the announcement could have been + considered as unselfish in any degree, it might have been a redeeming + trait in a character that had no such lineaments to spare. But it was not + difficult to see that, for some unexpressed reason best appreciated by + himself, he attached a strange value to the company and presence of this + mere child. When, after receiving some assistance from the surgeon + himself, he retired to the bedroom prepared for him, and it was broad day, + his mind was still dwelling on this theme. + </p> + <p> + ‘I would rather have lost,’ he said, ‘a thousand pounds than lost the boy + just now. But I’ll return home alone. I am resolved upon that. Chuzzlewit + shall go forward first, and I will follow in my own time. I’ll have no + more of this,’ he added, wiping his damp forehead. ‘Twenty-four hours of + this would turn my hair grey!’ + </p> + <p> + After examining his chamber, and looking under the bed, and in the + cupboards, and even behind the curtains, with unusual caution (although it + was, as has been said, broad day), he double-locked the door by which he + had entered, and retired to rest. There was another door in the room, but + it was locked on the outer side; and with what place it communicated, he + knew not. + </p> + <p> + His fears or evil conscience reproduced this door in all his dreams. He + dreamed that a dreadful secret was connected with it; a secret which he + knew, and yet did not know, for although he was heavily responsible for + it, and a party to it, he was harassed even in his vision by a distracting + uncertainty in reference to its import. Incoherently entwined with this + dream was another, which represented it as the hiding-place of an enemy, a + shadow, a phantom; and made it the business of his life to keep the + terrible creature closed up, and prevent it from forcing its way in upon + him. With this view Nadgett, and he, and a strange man with a bloody smear + upon his head (who told him that he had been his playfellow, and told him, + too, the real name of an old schoolmate, forgotten until then), worked + with iron plates and nails to make the door secure; but though they worked + never so hard, it was all in vain, for the nails broke, or changed to soft + twigs, or what was worse, to worms, between their fingers; the wood of the + door splintered and crumbled, so that even nails would not remain in it; + and the iron plates curled up like hot paper. All this time the creature + on the other side—whether it was in the shape of man, or beast, he + neither knew nor sought to know—was gaining on them. But his + greatest terror was when the man with the bloody smear upon his head + demanded of him if he knew this creatures name, and said that he would + whisper it. At this the dreamer fell upon his knees, his whole blood + thrilling with inexplicable fear, and held his ears. But looking at the + speaker’s lips, he saw that they formed the utterance of the letter ‘J’; + and crying out aloud that the secret was discovered, and they were all + lost, he awoke. + </p> + <p> + Awoke to find Jonas standing at his bedside watching him. And that very + door wide open. + </p> + <p> + As their eyes met, Jonas retreated a few paces, and Montague sprang out of + bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Heyday!’ said Jonas. ‘You’re all alive this morning.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Alive!’ the other stammered, as he pulled the bell-rope violently. ‘What + are you doing here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s your room to be sure,’ said Jonas; ‘but I’m almost inclined to ask + you what <i>you </i>are doing here? My room is on the other side of that door. No + one told me last night not to open it. I thought it led into a passage, + and was coming out to order breakfast. There’s—there’s no bell in my + room.’ + </p> + <p> + Montague had in the meantime admitted the man with his hot water and + boots, who hearing this, said, yes, there was; and passed into the + adjoining room to point it out, at the head of the bed. + </p> + <p> + ‘I couldn’t find it, then,’ said Jonas; ‘it’s all the same. Shall I order + breakfast?’ + </p> + <p> + Montague answered in the affirmative. When Jonas had retired, whistling, + through his own room, he opened the door of communication, to take out the + key and fasten it on the inner side. But it was taken out already. + </p> + <p> + He dragged a table against the door, and sat down to collect himself, as + if his dreams still had some influence upon his mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘An evil journey,’ he repeated several times. ‘An evil journey. But I’ll + travel home alone. I’ll have no more of this.’ + </p> + <p> + His presentiment, or superstition, that it was an evil journey, did not at + all deter him from doing the evil for which the journey was undertaken. + With this in view, he dressed himself more carefully than usual to make a + favourable impression on Mr Pecksniff; and, reassured by his own + appearance, the beauty of the morning, and the flashing of the wet boughs + outside his window in the merry sunshine, was soon sufficiently inspirited + to swear a few round oaths, and hum the fag-end of a song. + </p> + <p> + But he still muttered to himself at intervals, for all that: ‘I’ll travel + home alone!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0043" id="link2HCH0043"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-THREE + </h2> + <p> + HAS AN INFLUENCE ON THE FORTUNES OF SEVERAL PEOPLE. MR PECKSNIFF IS + EXHIBITED IN THE PLENITUDE OF POWER; AND WIELDS THE SAME WITH FORTITUDE + AND MAGNANIMITY + </p> + <p> + On the night of the storm, Mrs Lupin, hostess of the Blue Dragon, sat by + herself in her little bar. Her solitary condition, or the bad weather, or + both united, made Mrs Lupin thoughtful, not to say sorrowful. As she sat + with her chin upon her hand, looking out through a low back lattice, + rendered dim in the brightest day-time by clustering vine-leaves, she + shook her head very often, and said, ‘Dear me! Oh, dear, dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + It was a melancholy time, even in the snugness of the Dragon bar. The rich + expanse of corn-field, pasture-land, green slope, and gentle undulation, + with its sparkling brooks, its many hedgerows, and its clumps of beautiful + trees, was black and dreary, from the diamond panes of the lattice away to + the far horizon, where the thunder seemed to roll along the hills. The + heavy rain beat down the tender branches of vine and jessamine, and + trampled on them in its fury; and when the lightning gleamed it showed the + tearful leaves shivering and cowering together at the window, and tapping + at it urgently, as if beseeching to be sheltered from the dismal night. + </p> + <p> + As a mark of her respect for the lightning, Mrs Lupin had removed her + candle to the chimney-piece. Her basket of needle-work stood unheeded at + her elbow; her supper, spread on a round table not far off, was untasted; + and the knives had been removed for fear of attraction. She had sat for a + long time with her chin upon her hand, saying to herself at intervals, + ‘Dear me! Ah, dear, dear me!’ + </p> + <p> + She was on the eve of saying so, once more, when the latch of the + house-door (closed to keep the rain out), rattled on its well-worn catch, + and a traveller came in, who, shutting it after him, and walking straight + up to the half-door of the bar, said, rather gruffly: + </p> + <p> + ‘A pint of the best old beer here.’ + </p> + <p> + He had some reason to be gruff, for if he had passed the day in a + waterfall, he could scarcely have been wetter than he was. He was wrapped + up to the eyes in a rough blue sailor’s coat, and had an oil-skin hat on, + from the capacious brim of which the rain fell trickling down upon his + breast, and back, and shoulders. Judging from a certain liveliness of chin—he + had so pulled down his hat, and pulled up his collar, to defend himself + from the weather, that she could only see his chin, and even across that + he drew the wet sleeve of his shaggy coat, as she looked at him—Mrs + Lupin set him down for a good-natured fellow, too. + </p> + <p> + ‘A bad night!’ observed the hostess cheerfully. + </p> + <p> + The traveller shook himself like a Newfoundland dog, and said it was, + rather. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s a fire in the kitchen,’ said Mrs Lupin, ‘and very good company + there. Hadn’t you better go and dry yourself?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, thankee,’ said the man, glancing towards the kitchen as he spoke; he + seemed to know the way. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s enough to give you your death of cold,’ observed the hostess. + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t take my death easy,’ returned the traveller; ‘or I should most + likely have took it afore to-night. Your health, ma’am!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Lupin thanked him; but in the act of lifting the tankard to his mouth, + he changed his mind, and put it down again. Throwing his body back, and + looking about him stiffly, as a man does who is wrapped up, and has his + hat low down over his eyes, he said: + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you call this house? Not the Dragon, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Lupin complacently made answer, ‘Yes, the Dragon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then, you’ve got a sort of a relation of mine here, ma’am,’ said the + traveller; ‘a young man of the name of Tapley. What! Mark, my boy!’ + apostrophizing the premises, ‘have I come upon you at last, old buck!’ + </p> + <p> + This was touching Mrs Lupin on a tender point. She turned to trim the + candle on the chimney-piece, and said, with her back towards the + traveller: + </p> + <p> + ‘Nobody should be made more welcome at the Dragon, master, than any one + who brought me news of Mark. But it’s many and many a long day and month + since he left here and England. And whether he’s alive or dead, poor + fellow, Heaven above us only knows!’ + </p> + <p> + She shook her head, and her voice trembled; her hand must have done so + too, for the light required a deal of trimming. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where did he go, ma’am?’ asked the traveller, in a gentler voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘He went,’ said Mrs Lupin, with increased distress, ‘to America. He was + always tender-hearted and kind, and perhaps at this moment may be lying in + prison under sentence of death, for taking pity on some miserable black, + and helping the poor runaway creetur to escape. How could he ever go to + America! Why didn’t he go to some of those countries where the savages eat + each other fairly, and give an equal chance to every one!’ + </p> + <p> + Quite subdued by this time, Mrs Lupin sobbed, and was retiring to a chair + to give her grief free vent, when the traveller caught her in his arms, + and she uttered a glad cry of recognition. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I will!’ cried Mark, ‘another—one more—twenty more! You + didn’t know me in that hat and coat? I thought you would have known me + anywheres! Ten more!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So I should have known you, if I could have seen you; but I couldn’t, and + you spoke so gruff. I didn’t think you could speak gruff to me, Mark, at + first coming back.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Fifteen more!’ said Mr Tapley. ‘How handsome and how young you look! Six + more! The last half-dozen warn’t a fair one, and must be done over again. + Lord bless you, what a treat it is to see you! One more! Well, I never was + so jolly. Just a few more, on account of there not being any credit in + it!’ + </p> + <p> + When Mr Tapley stopped in these calculations in simple addition, he did + it, not because he was at all tired of the exercise, but because he was + out of breath. The pause reminded him of other duties. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Martin Chuzzlewit’s outside,’ he said. ‘I left him under the cartshed, + while I came on to see if there was anybody here. We want to keep quiet + to-night, till we know the news from you, and what it’s best for us to + do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s not a soul in the house, except the kitchen company,’ returned + the hostess. ‘If they were to know you had come back, Mark, they’d have a + bonfire in the street, late as it is.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But they mustn’t know it to-night, my precious soul,’ said Mark; ‘so have + the house shut, and the kitchen fire made up; and when it’s all ready, put + a light in the winder, and we’ll come in. One more! I long to hear about + old friends. You’ll tell me all about ‘em, won’t you; Mr Pinch, and the + butcher’s dog down the street, and the terrier over the way, and the + wheelwright’s, and every one of ‘em. When I first caught sight of the + church to-night, I thought the steeple would have choked me, I did. One + more! Won’t you? Not a very little one to finish off with?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have had plenty, I am sure,’ said the hostess. ‘Go along with your + foreign manners!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That ain’t foreign, bless you!’ cried Mark. ‘Native as oysters, that is! + One more, because it’s native! As a mark of respect for the land we live + in! This don’t count as between you and me, you understand,’ said Mr + Tapley. ‘I ain’t a-kissing you now, you’ll observe. I have been among the + patriots; I’m a-kissin’ my country.’ + </p> + <p> + It would have been very unreasonable to complain of the exhibition of his + patriotism with which he followed up this explanation, that it was at all + lukewarm or indifferent. When he had given full expression to his + nationality, he hurried off to Martin; while Mrs Lupin, in a state of + great agitation and excitement, prepared for their reception. + </p> + <p> + The company soon came tumbling out; insisting to each other that the + Dragon clock was half an hour too fast, and that the thunder must have + affected it. Impatient, wet, and weary though they were, Martin and Mark + were overjoyed to see these old faces, and watched them with delighted + interest as they departed from the house, and passed close by them. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s the old tailor, Mark!’ whispered Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘There he goes, sir! A little bandier than he was, I think, sir, ain’t he? + His figure’s so far altered, as it seems to me, that you might wheel a + rather larger barrow between his legs as he walks, than you could have + done conveniently when we know’d him. There’s Sam a-coming out, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, to be sure!’ cried Martin; ‘Sam, the hostler. I wonder whether that + horse of Pecksniff’s is alive still?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a doubt on it, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘That’s a description of animal, + sir, as will go on in a bony way peculiar to himself for a long time, and + get into the newspapers at last under the title of “Sing’lar Tenacity of + Life in a Quadruped.” As if he had ever been alive in all his life, worth + mentioning! There’s the clerk, sir—wery drunk, as usual.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I see him!’ said Martin, laughing. ‘But, my life, how wet you are, Mark!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am! What do you consider yourself, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, not half as bad,’ said his fellow-traveller, with an air of great + vexation. ‘I told you not to keep on the windy side, Mark, but to let us + change and change about. The rain has been beating on you ever since it + began.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t know how it pleases me, sir,’ said Mark, after a short silence, + ‘if I may make so bold as say so, to hear you a-going on in that there + uncommon considerate way of yours; which I don’t mean to attend to, never, + but which, ever since that time when I was floored in Eden, you have + showed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, Mark!’ sighed Martin, ‘the less we say of that the better. Do I see + the light yonder?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s the light!’ cried Mark. ‘Lord bless her, what briskness she + possesses! Now for it, sir. Neat wines, good beds, and first-rate + entertainment for man or beast.’ + </p> + <p> + The kitchen fire burnt clear and red, the table was spread out, the kettle + boiled; the slippers were there, the boot-jack too, sheets of ham were + there, cooking on the gridiron; half-a-dozen eggs were there, poaching in + the frying-pan; a plethoric cherry-brandy bottle was there, winking at a + foaming jug of beer upon the table; rare provisions were there, dangling + from the rafters as if you had only to open your mouth, and something + exquisitely ripe and good would be glad of the excuse for tumbling into + it. Mrs Lupin, who for their sakes had dislodged the very cook, high + priestess of the temple, with her own genial hands was dressing their + repast. + </p> + <p> + It was impossible to help it—a ghost must have hugged her. The + Atlantic Ocean and the Red Sea being, in that respect, all one, Martin + hugged her instantly. Mr Tapley (as if the idea were quite novel, and had + never occurred to him before), followed, with much gravity, on the same + side. + </p> + <p> + ‘Little did I ever think,’ said Mrs Lupin, adjusting her cap and laughing + heartily; yes, and blushing too; ‘often as I have said that Mr Pecksniff’s + young gentlemen were the life and soul of the Dragon, and that without + them it would be too dull to live in—little did I ever think I am + sure, that any one of them would ever make so free as you, Mr Martin! And + still less that I shouldn’t be angry with him, but should be glad with all + my heart to be the first to welcome him home from America, with Mark + Tapley for his—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For his friend, Mrs Lupin,’ interposed Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘For his friend,’ said the hostess, evidently gratified by this + distinction, but at the same time admonishing Mr Tapley with a fork to + remain at a respectful distance. ‘Little did I ever think that! But still + less, that I should ever have the changes to relate that I shall have to + tell you of, when you have done your supper!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good Heaven!’ cried Martin, changing colour, ‘what changes?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>She</i>,’ said the hostess, ‘is quite well, and now at Mr Pecksniff’s. Don’t + be at all alarmed about her. She is everything you could wish. It’s of no + use mincing matters, or making secrets, is it?’ added Mrs Lupin. ‘I know + all about it, you see!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My good creature,’ returned Martin, ‘you are exactly the person who ought + to know all about it. I am delighted to think you <i>do</i> know about that! But + what changes do you hint at? Has any death occurred?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no!’ said the hostess. ‘Not as bad as that. But I declare now that I + will not be drawn into saying another word till you have had your supper. + If you ask me fifty questions in the meantime, I won’t answer one.’ + </p> + <p> + She was so positive, that there was nothing for it but to get the supper + over as quickly as possible; and as they had been walking a great many + miles, and had fasted since the middle of the day, they did no great + violence to their own inclinations in falling on it tooth and nail. It + took rather longer to get through than might have been expected; for, + half-a-dozen times, when they thought they had finished, Mrs Lupin exposed + the fallacy of that impression triumphantly. But at last, in the course of + time and nature, they gave in. Then, sitting with their slippered feet + stretched out upon the kitchen hearth (which was wonderfully comforting, + for the night had grown by this time raw and chilly), and looking with + involuntary admiration at their dimpled, buxom, blooming hostess, as the + firelight sparkled in her eyes and glimmered in her raven hair, they + composed themselves to listen to her news. + </p> + <p> + Many were the exclamations of surprise which interrupted her, when she + told them of the separation between Mr Pecksniff and his daughters, and + between the same good gentleman and Mr Pinch. But these were nothing to + the indignant demonstrations of Martin, when she related, as the common + talk of the neighbourhood, what entire possession he had obtained over the + mind and person of old Mr Chuzzlewit, and what high honour he designed for + Mary. On receipt of this intelligence, Martin’s slippers flew off in a + twinkling, and he began pulling on his wet boots with that indefinite + intention of going somewhere instantly, and doing something to somebody, + which is the first safety-valve of a hot temper. + </p> + <p> + ‘He!’ said Martin, ‘smooth-tongued villain that he is! He! Give me that + other boot, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where was you a-thinking of going to, sir?’ inquired Mr Tapley drying the + sole at the fire, and looking coolly at it as he spoke, as if it were a + slice of toast. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where!’ repeated Martin. ‘You don’t suppose I am going to remain here, do + you?’ + </p> + <p> + The imperturbable Mark confessed that he did. + </p> + <p> + You do!’ retorted Martin angrily. ‘I am much obliged to you. What do you + take me for?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I take you for what you are, sir,’ said Mark; ‘and, consequently, am + quite sure that whatever you do will be right and sensible. The boot, + sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin darted an impatient look at him, without taking it, and walked + rapidly up and down the kitchen several times, with one boot and a + stocking on. But, mindful of his Eden resolution, he had already gained + many victories over himself when Mark was in the case, and he resolved to + conquer now. So he came back to the book-jack, laid his hand on Mark’s + shoulder to steady himself, pulled the boot off, picked up his slippers, + put them on, and sat down again. He could not help thrusting his hands to + the very bottom of his pockets, and muttering at intervals, ‘Pecksniff + too! That fellow! Upon my soul! In-deed! What next?’ and so forth; nor + could he help occasionally shaking his fist at the chimney, with a very + threatening countenance; but this did not last long; and he heard Mrs + Lupin out, if not with composure, at all events in silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘As to Mr Pecksniff himself,’ observed the hostess in conclusion, + spreading out the skirts of her gown with both hands, and nodding her head + a great many times as she did so, ‘I don’t know what to say. Somebody must + have poisoned his mind, or influenced him in some extraordinary way. I + cannot believe that such a noble-spoken gentleman would go and do wrong of + his own accord!’ + </p> + <p> + A noble-spoken gentleman! How many people are there in the world, who, for + no better reason, uphold their Pecksniffs to the last and abandon virtuous + men, when Pecksniffs breathe upon them! + </p> + <p> + ‘As to Mr Pinch,’ pursued the landlady, ‘if ever there was a dear, good, + pleasant, worthy soul alive, Pinch, and no other, is his name. But how do + we know that old Mr Chuzzlewit himself was not the cause of difference + arising between him and Mr Pecksniff? No one but themselves can tell; for + Mr Pinch has a proud spirit, though he has such a quiet way; and when he + left us, and was so sorry to go, he scorned to make his story good, even + to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor old Tom!’ said Martin, in a tone that sounded like remorse. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a comfort to know,’ resumed the landlady, ‘that he has his sister + living with him, and is doing well. Only yesterday he sent me back, by + post, a little’—here the colour came into her cheeks—‘a little + trifle I was bold enough to lend him when he went away; saying, with many + thanks, that he had good employment, and didn’t want it. It was the same + note; he hadn’t broken it. I never thought I could have been so little + pleased to see a bank-note come back to me as I was to see that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Kindly said, and heartily!’ said Martin. ‘Is it not, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She can’t say anything as does not possess them qualities,’ returned Mr + Tapley; ‘which as much belongs to the Dragon as its licence. And now that + we have got quite cool and fresh, to the subject again, sir; what will you + do? If you’re not proud, and can make up your mind to go through with what + you spoke of, coming along, that’s the course for you to take. If you + started wrong with your grandfather (which, you’ll excuse my taking the + liberty of saying, appears to have been the case), up with you, sir, and + tell him so, and make an appeal to his affections. Don’t stand out. He’s a + great deal older than you, and if he was hasty, you was hasty too. Give + way, sir, give way.’ + </p> + <p> + The eloquence of Mr Tapley was not without its effect on Martin but he + still hesitated, and expressed his reason thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all very true, and perfectly correct, Mark; and if it were a mere + question of humbling myself before <i>him</i>, I would not consider it twice. But + don’t you see, that being wholly under this hypocrite’s government, and + having (if what we hear be true) no mind or will of his own, I throw + myself, in fact, not at his feet, but at the feet of Mr Pecksniff? And + when I am rejected and spurned away,’ said Martin, turning crimson at the + thought, ‘it is not by him; my own blood stirred against me; but by + Pecksniff—Pecksniff, Mark!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, but we know beforehand,’ returned the politic Mr Tapley, ‘that + Pecksniff is a wagabond, a scoundrel, and a willain.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A most pernicious villain!’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘A most pernicious willain. We know that beforehand, sir; and, + consequently, it’s no shame to be defeated by Pecksniff. Blow Pecksniff!’ + cried Mr Tapley, in the fervour of his eloquence. ‘Who’s he! It’s not in + the natur of Pecksniff to shame <i>us</i>, unless he agreed with us, or done us a + service; and, in case he offered any audacity of that description, we + could express our sentiments in the English language, I hope. Pecksniff!’ + repeated Mr Tapley, with ineffable disdain. ‘What’s Pecksniff, who’s + Pecksniff, where’s Pecksniff, that he’s to be so much considered? We’re + not a-calculating for ourselves;’ he laid uncommon emphasis on the last + syllable of that word, and looked full in Martin’s face; ‘we’re making a + effort for a young lady likewise as has undergone her share; and whatever + little hope we have, this here Pecksniff is not to stand in its way, I + expect. I never heard of any act of Parliament, as was made by Pecksniff. + Pecksniff! Why, I wouldn’t see the man myself; I wouldn’t hear him; I + wouldn’t choose to know he was in company. I’d scrape my shoes on the + scraper of the door, and call that Pecksniff, if you liked; but I wouldn’t + condescend no further.’ + </p> + <p> + The amazement of Mrs Lupin, and indeed of Mr Tapley himself for that + matter, at this impassioned flow of language, was immense. But Martin, + after looking thoughtfully at the fire for a short time, said: + </p> + <p> + ‘You are right, Mark. Right or wrong, it shall be done. I’ll do it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘One word more, sir,’ returned Mark. ‘Only think of him so far as not to + give him a handle against you. Don’t you do anything secret that he can + report before you get there. Don’t you even see Miss Mary in the morning, + but let this here dear friend of ours’—Mr Tapley bestowed a smile + upon the hostess—‘prepare her for what’s a-going to happen, and + carry any little message as may be agreeable. She knows how. Don’t you?’ + Mrs Lupin laughed and tossed her head. ‘Then you go in, bold and free as a + gentleman should. “I haven’t done nothing under-handed,” says you. “I + haven’t been skulking about the premises, here I am, for-give me, I ask + your pardon, God Bless You!”’ + </p> + <p> + Martin smiled, but felt that it was good advice notwithstanding, and + resolved to act upon it. When they had ascertained from Mrs Lupin that + Pecksniff had already returned from the great ceremonial at which they had + beheld him in his glory; and when they had fully arranged the order of + their proceedings; they went to bed, intent upon the morrow. + </p> + <p> + In pursuance of their project as agreed upon at this discussion, Mr Tapley + issued forth next morning, after breakfast, charged with a letter from + Martin to his grandfather, requesting leave to wait upon him for a few + minutes. And postponing as he went along the congratulations of his + numerous friends until a more convenient season, he soon arrived at Mr + Pecksniff’s house. At that gentleman’s door; with a face so immovable that + it would have been next to an impossibility for the most acute + physiognomist to determine what he was thinking about, or whether he was + thinking at all; he straightway knocked. + </p> + <p> + A person of Mr Tapley’s observation could not long remain insensible to + the fact that Mr Pecksniff was making the end of his nose very blunt + against the glass of the parlour window, in an angular attempt to discover + who had knocked at the door. Nor was Mr Tapley slow to baffle this + movement on the part of the enemy, by perching himself on the top step, + and presenting the crown of his hat in that direction. But possibly Mr + Pecksniff had already seen him, for Mark soon heard his shoes creaking, as + he advanced to open the door with his own hands. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff was as cheerful as ever, and sang a little song in the + passage. + </p> + <p> + ‘How d’ye do, sir?’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘Tapley, I believe? The Prodigal returned! We + don’t want any beer, my friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thankee, sir,’ said Mark. ‘I couldn’t accommodate you if you did. A + letter, sir. Wait for an answer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For me?’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘And an answer, eh?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not for you, I think, sir,’ said Mark, pointing out the direction. + ‘Chuzzlewit, I believe the name is, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ returned Mr Pecksniff. ‘Thank you. Yes. Who’s it from, my good young + man?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The gentleman it comes from wrote his name inside, sir,’ returned Mr + Tapley with extreme politeness. ‘I see him a-signing of it at the end, + while I was a-waitin’.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And he said he wanted an answer, did he?’ asked Mr Pecksniff in his most + persuasive manner. + </p> + <p> + Mark replied in the affirmative. + </p> + <p> + ‘He shall have an answer. Certainly,’ said Mr Pecksniff, tearing the + letter into small pieces, as mildly as if that were the most flattering + attention a correspondent could receive. ‘Have the goodness to give him + that, with my compliments, if you please. Good morning!’ Whereupon he + handed Mark the scraps; retired, and shut the door. + </p> + <p> + Mark thought it prudent to subdue his personal emotions, and return to + Martin at the Dragon. They were not unprepared for such a reception, and + suffered an hour or so to elapse before making another attempt. When this + interval had gone by, they returned to Mr Pecksniff’s house in company. + Martin knocked this time, while Mr Tapley prepared himself to keep the + door open with his foot and shoulder, when anybody came, and by that means + secure an enforced parley. But this precaution was needless, for the + servant-girl appeared almost immediately. Brushing quickly past her as he + had resolved in such a case to do, Martin (closely followed by his + faithful ally) opened the door of that parlour in which he knew a visitor + was most likely to be found; passed at once into the room; and stood, + without a word of notice or announcement, in the presence of his + grandfather. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff also was in the room; and Mary. In the swift instant of their + mutual recognition, Martin saw the old man droop his grey head, and hide + his face in his hands. + </p> + <p> + It smote him to the heart. In his most selfish and most careless day, this + lingering remnant of the old man’s ancient love, this buttress of a ruined + tower he had built up in the time gone by, with so much pride and hope, + would have caused a pang in Martin’s heart. But now, changed for the + better in his worst respect; looking through an altered medium on his + former friend, the guardian of his childhood, so broken and bowed down; + resentment, sullenness, self-confidence, and pride, were all swept away, + before the starting tears upon the withered cheeks. He could not bear to + see them. He could not bear to think they fell at sight of him. He could + not bear to view reflected in them, the reproachful and irrevocable Past. + </p> + <p> + He hurriedly advanced to seize the old man’s hand in his, when Mr + Pecksniff interposed himself between them. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, young man!’ said Mr Pecksniff, striking himself upon the breast, and + stretching out his other arm towards his guest as if it were a wing to + shelter him. ‘No, sir. None of that. Strike here, sir, here! Launch your + arrows at me, sir, if you’ll have the goodness; not at Him!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Grandfather!’ cried Martin. ‘Hear me! I implore you, let me speak!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Would you, sir? Would you?’ said Mr Pecksniff, dodging about, so as to + keep himself always between them. ‘Is it not enough, sir, that you come + into my house like a thief in the night, or I should rather say, for we + can never be too particular on the subject of Truth, like a thief in the + day-time; bringing your dissolute companions with you, to plant themselves + with their backs against the insides of parlour doors, and prevent the + entrance or issuing forth of any of my household’—Mark had taken up + this position, and held it quite unmoved—‘but would you also strike + at venerable Virtue? Would you? Know that it is not defenceless. I will be + its shield, young man. Assail me. Come on, sir. Fire away!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pecksniff,’ said the old man, in a feeble voice. ‘Calm yourself. Be + quiet.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t be calm,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, ‘and I won’t be quiet. My + benefactor and my friend! Shall even my house be no refuge for your hoary + pillow!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stand aside!’ said the old man, stretching out his hand; ‘and let me see + what it is I used to love so dearly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is right that you should see it, my friend,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘It is + well that you should see it, my noble sir. It is desirable that you should + contemplate it in its true proportions. Behold it! There it is, sir. There + it is!’ + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20676m.jpg" alt="20676m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20676.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Martin could hardly be a mortal man, and not express in his face something + of the anger and disdain with which Mr Pecksniff inspired him. But beyond + this he evinced no knowledge whatever of that gentleman’s presence or + existence. True, he had once, and that at first, glanced at him + involuntarily, and with supreme contempt; but for any other heed he took + of him, there might have been nothing in his place save empty air. + </p> + <p> + As Mr Pecksniff withdrew from between them, agreeably to the wish just now + expressed (which he did during the delivery of the observations last + recorded), old Martin, who had taken Mary Graham’s hand in his, and + whispered kindly to her, as telling her she had no cause to be alarmed, + gently pushed her from him, behind his chair; and looked steadily at his + grandson. + </p> + <p> + ‘And that,’ he said, ‘is he. Ah! that is he! Say what you wish to say. But + come no nearer,’ + </p> + <p> + ‘His sense of justice is so fine,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘that he will hear + even him, although he knows beforehand that nothing can come of it. + Ingenuous mind!’ Mr Pecksniff did not address himself immediately to any + person in saying this, but assuming the position of the Chorus in a Greek + Tragedy, delivered his opinion as a commentary on the proceedings. + </p> + + <p> + ‘Grandfather!’ said Martin, with great earnestness. ‘From a painful + journey, from a hard life, from a sick-bed, from privation and distress, + from gloom and disappointment, from almost hopelessness and despair, I + have come back to you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Rovers of this sort,’ observed Mr Pecksniff, as Chorus, ‘very commonly + come back when they find they don’t meet with the success they expected in + their marauding ravages.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But for this faithful man,’ said Martin, turning towards Mark, ‘whom I + first knew in this place, and who went away with me voluntarily, as a + servant, but has been, throughout, my zealous and devoted friend; but for + him, I must have died abroad. Far from home, far from any help or + consolation; far from the probability even of my wretched fate being ever + known to any one who cared to hear it—oh, that you would let me say, + of being known to you!’ + </p> + <p> + The old man looked at Mr Pecksniff. Mr Pecksniff looked at him. ‘Did you + speak, my worthy sir?’ said Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. The old man + answered in the negative. ‘I know what you thought,’ said Mr Pecksniff, + with another smile. ‘Let him go on my friend. The development of + self-interest in the human mind is always a curious study. Let him go on, + sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on!’ observed the old man; in a mechanical obedience, it appeared, to + Mr Pecksniff’s suggestion. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been so wretched and so poor,’ said Martin, ‘that I am indebted to + the charitable help of a stranger, in a land of strangers, for the means + of returning here. All this tells against me in your mind, I know. I have + given you cause to think I have been driven here wholly by want, and have + not been led on, in any degree, by affection or regret. When I parted from + you, Grandfather, I deserved that suspicion, but I do not now. I do not + now.’ + </p> + <p> + The Chorus put its hand in its waistcoat, and smiled. ‘Let him go on, my + worthy sir,’ it said. ‘I know what you are thinking of, but don’t express + it prematurely.’ + </p> + <p> + Old Martin raised his eyes to Mr Pecksniff’s face, and appearing to derive + renewed instruction from his looks and words, said, once again: + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have little more to say,’ returned Martin. ‘And as I say it now, with + little or no hope, Grandfather; whatever dawn of hope I had on entering + the room; believe it to be true. At least, believe it to be true.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beautiful Truth!’ exclaimed the Chorus, looking upward. ‘How is your name + profaned by vicious persons! You don’t live in a well, my holy principle, + but on the lips of false mankind. It is hard to bear with mankind, dear + sir’—addressing the elder Mr Chuzzlewit; ‘but let us do so meekly. + It is our duty so to do. Let us be among the Few who do their duty. If,’ + pursued the Chorus, soaring up into a lofty flight, ‘as the poet informs + us, England expects Every man to do his duty, England is the most sanguine + country on the face of the earth, and will find itself continually + disappointed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon that subject,’ said Martin, looking calmly at the old man as he + spoke, but glancing once at Mary, whose face was now buried in her hands, + upon the back of his easy-chair; ‘upon that subject which first occasioned + a division between us, my mind and heart are incapable of change. Whatever + influence they have undergone, since that unhappy time, has not been one + to weaken but to strengthen me. I cannot profess sorrow for that, nor + irresolution in that, nor shame in that. Nor would you wish me, I know. + But that I might have trusted to your love, if I had thrown myself + manfully upon it; that I might have won you over with ease, if I had been + more yielding and more considerate; that I should have best remembered + myself in forgetting myself, and recollecting you; reflection, solitude, + and misery, have taught me. I came resolved to say this, and to ask your + forgiveness; not so much in hope for the future, as in regret for the + past; for all that I would ask of you is, that you would aid me to live. + Help me to get honest work to do, and I would do it. My condition places + me at the disadvantage of seeming to have only my selfish ends to serve, + but try if that be so or not. Try if I be self-willed, obdurate, and + haughty, as I was; or have been disciplined in a rough school. Let the + voice of nature and association plead between us, Grandfather; and do not, + for one fault, however thankless, quite reject me!’ + </p> + <p> + As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he concealed + his face behind his outspread fingers. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear sir,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, ‘you must not give + way to this. It is very natural, and very amiable, but you must not allow + the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast off, to move you so + far. Rouse yourself. Think,’ said Pecksniff, ‘think of Me, my friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will,’ returned old Martin, looking up into his face. ‘You recall me to + myself. I will.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what,’ said Mr Pecksniff, sitting down beside him in a chair which + he drew up for the purpose, and tapping him playfully on the arm, ‘what is + the matter with my strong-minded compatriot, if I may venture to take the + liberty of calling him by that endearing expression? Shall I have to scold + my coadjutor, or to reason with an intellect like this? I think not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no. There is no occasion,’ said the old man. ‘A momentary feeling. + Nothing more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indignation,’ observed Mr Pecksniff, ‘<i>will </i>bring the scalding tear into + the honest eye, I know’—he wiped his own elaborately. ‘But we have + highest duties to perform than that. Rouse yourself, Mr Chuzzlewit. Shall + I give expression to your thoughts, my friend?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at him, + half in vacancy and half in admiration, as if he were fascinated by the + man. ‘Speak for me, Pecksniff, Thank you. You are true to me. Thank you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do not unman me, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand vigorously, + ‘or I shall be unequal to the task. It is not agreeable to my feelings, my + good sir, to address the person who is now before us, for when I ejected + him from this house, after hearing of his unnatural conduct from your + lips, I renounced communication with him for ever. But you desire it; and + that is sufficient. Young man! The door is immediately behind the + companion of your infamy. Blush if you can; begone without a blush, if you + can’t.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin looked as steadily at his grandfather as if there had been a dead + silence all this time. The old man looked no less steadily at Mr + Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I ordered you to leave this house upon the last occasion of your + being dismissed from it with disgrace,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘when, stung + and stimulated beyond endurance by your shameless conduct to this + extraordinarily noble-minded individual, I exclaimed “Go forth!” I told + you that I wept for your depravity. Do not suppose that the tear which + stands in my eye at this moment, is shed for you. It is shed for him, sir. + It is shed for him.’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a bald + part of Mr Chuzzlewit’s head, wiped the place with his + pocket-handkerchief, and begged pardon. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your arts,’ + said Mr Pecksniff; ‘whom you seek to plunder, to deceive, and to mislead. + It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; not in pity for + him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall not wrong him further, + sir, in any way,’ said Mr Pecksniff, quite transported with enthusiasm, + ‘while I have life. You may bestride my senseless corse, sir. That is very + likely. I can imagine a mind like yours deriving great satisfaction from + any measure of that kind. But while I continue to be called upon to exist, + sir, you must strike at him through me. Awe!’ said Mr Pecksniff, shaking + his head at Martin with indignant jocularity; ‘and in such a cause you + will find me, my young sir, an Ugly Customer!’ + </p> + <p> + Still Martin looked steadily and mildly at his grandfather. ‘Will you give + me no answer,’ he said, at length, ‘not a word?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You hear what has been said,’ replied the old man, without averting his + eyes from the face of Mr Pecksniff; who nodded encouragingly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not heard your voice. I have not heard your spirit,’ returned + Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell him again,’ said the old man, still gazing up in Mr Pecksniff’s + face. + </p> + <p> + ‘I only hear,’ replied Martin, strong in his purpose from the first, and + stronger in it as he felt how Pecksniff winced and shrunk beneath his + contempt; ‘I only hear what you say to me, grandfather.’ + </p> + <p> + Perhaps it was well for Mr Pecksniff that his venerable friend found in + his (Mr Pecksniff’s) features an exclusive and engrossing object of + contemplation, for if his eyes had gone astray, and he had compared young + Martin’s bearing with that of his zealous defender, the latter + disinterested gentleman would scarcely have shown to greater advantage + than on the memorable afternoon when he took Tom Pinch’s last receipt in + full of all demands. One really might have thought there was some quality + in Mr Pecksniff—an emanation from the brightness and purity within + him perhaps—which set off and adorned his foes; they looked so + gallant and so manly beside him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not a word?’ said Martin, for the second time. + </p> + <p> + ‘I remember that I have a word to say, Pecksniff,’ observed the old man. + ‘But a word. You spoke of being indebted to the charitable help of some + stranger for the means of returning to England. Who is he? And what help + in money did he render you?’ + </p> + <p> + Although he asked this question of Martin, he did not look towards him, + but kept his eyes on Mr Pecksniff as before. It appeared to have become a + habit with him, both in a literal and figurative sense, to look to Mr + Pecksniff alone. + </p> + <p> + Martin took out his pencil, tore a leaf from his pocket-book, and hastily + wrote down the particulars of his debt to Mr Bevan. The old man stretched + out his hand for the paper, and took it; but his eyes did not wander from + Mr Pecksniff’s face. + </p> + <p> + ‘It would be a poor pride and a false humility,’ said Martin, in a low + voice, ‘to say, I do not wish that to be paid, or that I have any present + hope of being able to pay it. But I never felt my poverty so deeply as I + feel it now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Read it to me, Pecksniff,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff, after approaching the perusal of the paper as if it were a + manuscript confession of a murder, complied. + </p> + <p> + ‘I think, Pecksniff,’ said old Martin, ‘I could wish that to be + discharged. I should not like the lender, who was abroad, who had no + opportunity of making inquiry, and who did (as he thought) a kind action, + to suffer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘An honourable sentiment, my dear sir. Your own entirely. But a dangerous + precedent,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘permit me to suggest.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It shall not be a precedent,’ returned the old man. ‘It is the only + recognition of him. But we will talk of it again. You shall advise me. + There is nothing else?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing else,’ said Mr Pecksniff buoyantly, ‘but for you to recover this + intrusion—this cowardly and indefensible outrage on your feelings—with + all possible dispatch, and smile again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have nothing more to say?’ inquired the old man, laying his hand with + unusual earnestness on Mr Pecksniff’s sleeve. + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff would not say what rose to his lips. For reproaches he + observed, were useless. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have nothing at all to urge? You are sure of that! If you have, no + matter what it is, speak freely. I will oppose nothing that you ask of + me,’ said the old man. + </p> + <p> + The tears rose in such abundance to Mr Pecksniff’s eyes at this proof of + unlimited confidence on the part of his friend, that he was fain to clasp + the bridge of his nose convulsively before he could at all compose + himself. When he had the power of utterance again, he said with great + emotion, that he hoped he should live to deserve this; and added, that he + had no other observation whatever to make. + </p> + <p> + For a few moments the old man sat looking at him, with that blank and + motionless expression which is not uncommon in the faces of those whose + faculties are on the wane, in age. But he rose up firmly too, and walked + towards the door, from which Mark withdrew to make way for him. + </p> + <p> + The obsequious Mr Pecksniff proffered his arm. The old man took it. + Turning at the door, he said to Martin, waving him off with his hand, + </p> + <p> + ‘You have heard him. Go away. It is all over. Go!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff murmured certain cheering expressions of sympathy and + encouragement as they retired; and Martin, awakening from the stupor into + which the closing portion of this scene had plunged him, to the + opportunity afforded by their departure, caught the innocent cause of all + in his embrace, and pressed her to his heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear girl!’ said Martin. ‘He has not changed you. Why, what an impotent + and harmless knave the fellow is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have restrained yourself so nobly! You have borne so much!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Restrained myself!’ cried Martin, cheerfully. ‘You were by, and were + unchanged, I knew. What more advantage did I want? The sight of me was + such a bitterness to the dog, that I had my triumph in his being forced to + endure it. But tell me, love—for the few hasty words we can exchange + now are precious—what is this which has been rumoured to me? Is it + true that you are persecuted by this knave’s addresses?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was, dear Martin, and to some extent am now; but my chief source of + unhappiness has been anxiety for you. Why did you leave us in such + terrible suspense?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sickness, distance; the dread of hinting at our real condition, the + impossibility of concealing it except in perfect silence; the knowledge + that the truth would have pained you infinitely more than uncertainty and + doubt,’ said Martin, hurriedly; as indeed everything else was done and + said, in those few hurried moments, ‘were the causes of my writing only + once. But Pecksniff? You needn’t fear to tell me the whole tale; for you + saw me with him face to face, hearing him speak, and not taking him by the + throat; what is the history of his pursuit of you? Is it known to my + grandfather?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And he assists him in it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ she answered eagerly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank Heaven!’ cried Martin, ‘that it leaves his mind unclouded in that + one respect!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I do not think,’ said Mary, ‘it was known to him at first. When this man + had sufficiently prepared his mind, he revealed it to him by degrees. I + think so, but I only know it from my own impression: now from anything + they told me. Then he spoke to me alone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My grandfather did?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes—spoke to me alone, and told me—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What the hound had said,’ cried Martin. ‘Don’t repeat it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And said I knew well what qualities he possessed; that he was moderately + rich; in good repute; and high in his favour and confidence. But seeing me + very much distressed, he said that he would not control or force my + inclinations, but would content himself with telling me the fact. He would + not pain me by dwelling on it, or reverting to it; nor has he ever done so + since, but has truly kept his word.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The man himself?—’ asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘He has had few opportunities of pursuing his suit. I have never walked + out alone, or remained alone an instant in his presence. Dear Martin, I + must tell you,’ she continued, ‘that the kindness of your grandfather to + me remains unchanged. I am his companion still. An indescribable + tenderness and compassion seem to have mingled themselves with his old + regard; and if I were his only child, I could not have a gentler father. + What former fancy or old habit survives in this, when his heart has turned + so cold to you, is a mystery I cannot penetrate; but it has been, and it + is, a happiness to me, that I remained true to him; that if he should wake + from his delusion, even at the point of death, I am here, love, to recall + you to his thoughts.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin looked with admiration on her glowing face, and pressed his lips to + hers. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have sometimes heard, and read,’ she said, ‘that those whose powers had + been enfeebled long ago, and whose lives had faded, as it were, into a + dream, have been known to rouse themselves before death, and inquire for + familiar faces once very dear to them; but forgotten, unrecognized, hated + even, in the meantime. Think, if with his old impressions of this man, he + should suddenly resume his former self, and find in him his only friend!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I would not urge you to abandon him, dearest,’ said Martin, ‘though I + could count the years we are to wear out asunder. But the influence this + fellow exercises over him has steadily increased, I fear.’ + </p> + <p> + She could not help admitting that. Steadily, imperceptibly, and surely, + until it was paramount and supreme. She herself had none; and yet he + treated her with more affection than at any previous time. Martin thought + the inconsistency a part of his weakness and decay. + </p> + <p> + ‘Does the influence extend to fear?’ said Martin. ‘Is he timid of + asserting his own opinion in the presence of this infatuation? I fancied + so just now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have thought so, often. Often when we are sitting alone, almost as we + used to do, and I have been reading a favourite book to him or he has been + talking quite cheerfully, I have observed that the entrance of Mr + Pecksniff has changed his whole demeanour. He has broken off immediately, + and become what you have seen to-day. When we first came here he had his + impetuous outbreaks, in which it was not easy for Mr Pecksniff with his + utmost plausibility to appease him. But these have long since dwindled + away. He defers to him in everything, and has no opinion upon any + question, but that which is forced upon him by this treacherous man.’ + </p> + <p> + Such was the account, rapidly furnished in whispers, and interrupted, + brief as it was, by many false alarms of Mr Pecksniff’s return; which + Martin received of his grandfather’s decline, and of that good gentleman’s + ascendancy. He heard of Tom Pinch too, and Jonas too, with not a little + about himself into the bargain; for though lovers are remarkable for + leaving a great deal unsaid on all occasions, and very properly desiring + to come back and say it, they are remarkable also for a wonderful power of + condensation, and can, in one way or other, give utterance to more + language—eloquent language—in any given short space of time, + than all the six hundred and fifty-eight members in the Commons House of + Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland; who are + strong lovers no doubt, but of their country only, which makes all the + difference; for in a passion of that kind (which is not always returned), + it is the custom to use as many words as possible, and express nothing + whatever. + </p> + <p> + A caution from Mr Tapley; a hasty interchange of farewells, and of + something else which the proverb says must not be told of afterwards; a + white hand held out to Mr Tapley himself, which he kissed with the + devotion of a knight-errant; more farewells, more something else’s; a + parting word from Martin that he would write from London and would do + great things there yet (Heaven knows what, but he quite believed it); and + Mark and he stood on the outside of the Pecksniffian halls. + </p> + <p> + ‘A short interview after such an absence!’ said Martin, sorrowfully. ‘But + we are well out of the house. We might have placed ourselves in a false + position by remaining there, even so long, Mark.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know about ourselves, sir,’ he returned; ‘but somebody else would + have got into a false position, if he had happened to come back again, + while we was there. I had the door all ready, sir. If Pecksniff had showed + his head, or had only so much as listened behind it, I would have caught + him like a walnut. He’s the sort of man,’ added Mr Tapley, musing, ‘as + would squeeze soft, I know.’ + </p> + <p> + A person who was evidently going to Mr Pecksniff’s house, passed them at + this moment. He raised his eyes at the mention of the architect’s name; + and when he had gone on a few yards, stopped and gazed at them. Mr Tapley, + also, looked over his shoulder, and so did Martin; for the stranger, as he + passed, had looked very sharply at them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who may that be, I wonder!’ said Martin. ‘The face seems familiar to me, + but I don’t know the man.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He seems to have a amiable desire that his face should be tolerable + familiar to us,’ said Mr Tapley, ‘for he’s a-staring pretty hard. He’d + better not waste his beauty, for he ain’t got much to spare.’ + </p> + <p> + Coming in sight of the Dragon, they saw a travelling carriage at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘And a Salisbury carriage, eh?’ said Mr Tapley. ‘That’s what he came in + depend upon it. What’s in the wind now? A new pupil, I shouldn’t wonder. + P’raps it’s a order for another grammar-school, of the same pattern as the + last.’ + </p> + <p> + Before they could enter at the door, Mrs Lupin came running out; and + beckoning them to the carriage showed them a portmanteau with the name of + <i>Chuzzlewit </i>upon it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Miss Pecksniff’s husband that was,’ said the good woman to Martin. ‘I + didn’t know what terms you might be on, and was quite in a worry till you + came back.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He and I have never interchanged a word yet,’ observed Martin; ‘and as I + have no wish to be better or worse acquainted with him, I will not put + myself in his way. We passed him on the road, I have no doubt. I am glad + he timed his coming as he did. Upon my word! Miss Pecksniff’s husband + travels gayly!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A very fine-looking gentleman with him—in the best room now,’ + whispered Mrs Lupin, glancing up at the window as they went into the + house. ‘He has ordered everything that can be got for dinner; and has the + glossiest moustaches and whiskers ever you saw.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Has he?’ cried Martin, ‘why then we’ll endeavour to avoid him too, in the + hope that our self-denial may be strong enough for the sacrifice. It is + only for a few hours,’ said Martin, dropping wearily into a chair behind + the little screen in the bar. ‘Our visit has met with no success, my dear + Mrs Lupin, and I must go to London.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear, dear!’ cried the hostess. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, one foul wind no more makes a winter, than one swallow makes a + summer. I’ll try it again. Tom Pinch has succeeded. With his advice to + guide me, I may do the same. I took Tom under my protection once, God save + the mark!’ said Martin, with a melancholy smile; ‘and promised I would + make his fortune. Perhaps Tom will take me under <i>his </i>protection now, and + teach me how to earn my bread.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0044" id="link2HCH0044"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR + </h2> + <h3> + FURTHER CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + </h3> + <p> + It was a special quality, among the many admirable qualities possessed by + Mr Pecksniff, that the more he was found out, the more hypocrisy he + practised. Let him be discomfited in one quarter, and he refreshed and + recompensed himself by carrying the war into another. If his workings and + windings were detected by A, so much the greater reason was there for + practicing without loss of time on B, if it were only to keep his hand in. + He had never been such a saintly and improving spectacle to all about him, + as after his detection by Thomas Pinch. He had scarcely ever been at once + so tender in his humanity, and so dignified and exalted in his virtue, as + when young Martin’s scorn was fresh and hot upon him. + </p> + <p> + Having this large stock of superfluous sentiment and morality on hand + which must positively be cleared off at any sacrifice, Mr Pecksniff no + sooner heard his son-in-law announced, than he regarded him as a kind of + wholesale or general order, to be immediately executed. Descending, + therefore, swiftly to the parlour, and clasping the young man in his arms, + he exclaimed, with looks and gestures that denoted the perturbation of his + spirit: + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas. My child—she is well! There is nothing the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, you’re at it again, are you?’ replied his son-in-law. ‘Even with + me? Get away with you, will you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell me she is well then,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Tell me she is well my + boy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s well enough,’ retorted Jonas, disengaging himself. ‘There’s nothing + the matter with <i>her</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is nothing the matter with her!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, sitting down + in the nearest chair, and rubbing up his hair. ‘Fie upon my weakness! I + cannot help it, Jonas. Thank you. I am better now. How is my other child; + my eldest; my Cherrywerrychigo?’ said Mr Pecksniff, inventing a playful + little name for her, in the restored lightness of his heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s much about the same as usual,’ returned Jonas. ‘She sticks pretty + close to the vinegar-bottle. You know she’s got a sweetheart, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have heard of it,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘from headquarters; from my child + herself I will not deny that it moved me to contemplate the loss of my + remaining daughter, Jonas—I am afraid we parents are selfish, I am + afraid we are—but it has ever been the study of my life to qualify + them for the domestic hearth; and it is a sphere which Cherry will adorn.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She need adorn some sphere or other,’ observed the son-in-law, for she + ain’t very ornamental in general.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My girls are now provided for,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘They are now happily + provided for, and I have not laboured in vain!’ + </p> + <p> + This is exactly what Mr Pecksniff would have said, if one of his daughters + had drawn a prize of thirty thousand pounds in the lottery, or if the + other had picked up a valuable purse in the street, which nobody appeared + to claim. In either of these cases he would have invoked a patriarchal + blessing on the fortunate head, with great solemnity, and would have taken + immense credit to himself, as having meant it from the infant’s cradle. + </p> + <p> + ‘Suppose we talk about something else, now,’ observed Jonas, drily. ‘just + for a change. Are you quite agreeable?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Ah, you wag, you naughty wag! You laugh at + poor old fond papa. Well! He deserves it. And he don’t mind it either, for + his feelings are their own reward. You have come to stay with me, Jonas?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No. I’ve got a friend with me,’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bring your friend!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, in a gush of hospitality. ‘Bring + any number of your friends!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This ain’t the sort of man to be brought,’ said Jonas, contemptuously. ‘I + think I see myself “bringing” him to your house, for a treat! Thank’ee all + the same; but he’s a little too near the top of the tree for that, + Pecksniff.’ + </p> + <p> + The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A position + near the top of the tree was greatness, virtue, goodness, sense, genius; + or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from all, and in itself + something immeasurably better than all; with Mr Pecksniff. A man who was + able to look down upon Mr Pecksniff could not be looked up at, by that + gentleman, with too great an amount of deference, or from a position of + too much humility. So it always is with great spirits. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll tell you what you may do, if you like,’ said Jonas; ‘you may come + and dine with us at the Dragon. We were forced to come down to Salisbury + last night, on some business, and I got him to bring me over here this + morning, in his carriage; at least, not his own carriage, for we had a + breakdown in the night, but one we hired instead; it’s all the same. Mind + what you’re about, you know. He’s not used to all sorts; he only mixes + with the best!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Some young nobleman who has been borrowing money of you at good interest, + eh?’ said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his forefinger facetiously. ‘I shall be + delighted to know the gay sprig.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Borrowing!’ echoed Jonas. ‘Borrowing! When you’re a twentieth part as + rich as he is, you may shut up shop! We should be pretty well off if we + could buy his furniture, and plate, and pictures, by clubbing together. A + likely man to borrow: Mr Montague! Why since I was lucky enough (come! and + I’ll say, sharp enough, too) to get a share in the Assurance office that + he’s President of, I’ve made—never mind what I’ve made,’ said Jonas, + seeming to recover all at once his usual caution. ‘You know me pretty + well, and I don’t blab about such things. But, Ecod, I’ve made a trifle.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Really, my dear Jonas,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, with much warmth, ‘a + gentleman like this should receive some attention. Would he like to see + the church? or if he has a taste for the fine arts—which I have no + doubt he has, from the description you give of his circumstances—I + can send him down a few portfolios. Salisbury Cathedral, my dear Jonas,’ + said Mr Pecksniff; the mention of the portfolios and his anxiety to + display himself to advantage, suggesting his usual phraseology in that + regard, ‘is an edifice replete with venerable associations, and strikingly + suggestive of the loftiest emotions. It is here we contemplate the work of + bygone ages. It is here we listen to the swelling organ, as we stroll + through the reverberating aisles. We have drawings of this celebrated + structure from the North, from the South, from the East, from the West, + from the South-East, from the Nor’West—’ + </p> + <p> + During this digression, and indeed during the whole dialogue, Jonas had + been rocking on his chair, with his hands in his pockets and his head + thrown cunningly on one side. He looked at Mr Pecksniff now with such + shrewd meaning twinkling in his eyes, that Mr Pecksniff stopped, and asked + him what he was going to say. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod!’ he answered. ‘Pecksniff if I knew how you meant to leave your + money, I could put you in the way of doubling it in no time. It wouldn’t + be bad to keep a chance like this snug in the family. But you’re such a + deep one!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas!’ cried Mr Pecksniff, much affected, ‘I am not a diplomatical + character; my heart is in my hand. By far the greater part of the + inconsiderable savings I have accumulated in the course of—I hope—a + not dishonourable or useless career, is already given, devised, and + bequeathed (correct me, my dear Jonas, if I am technically wrong), with + expressions of confidence, which I will not repeat; and in securities + which it is unnecessary to mention to a person whom I cannot, whom I will + not, whom I need not, name.’ Here he gave the hand of his son-in-law a + fervent squeeze, as if he would have added, ‘God bless you; be very + careful of it when you get it!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Jonas only shook his head and laughed, and, seeming to think better of + what he had had in his mind, said, ‘No. He would keep his own counsel.’ + But as he observed that he would take a walk, Mr Pecksniff insisted on + accompanying him, remarking that he could leave a card for Mr Montague, as + they went along, by way of gentleman-usher to himself at dinner-time. + Which he did. + </p> + <p> + In the course of their walk, Mr Jonas affected to maintain that close + reserve which had operated as a timely check upon him during the foregoing + dialogue. And as he made no attempt to conciliate Mr Pecksniff, but, on + the contrary, was more boorish and rude to him than usual, that gentleman, + so far from suspecting his real design, laid himself out to be attacked + with advantage. For it is in the nature of a knave to think the tools with + which he works indispensable to knavery; and knowing what he would do + himself in such a case, Mr Pecksniff argued, ‘if this young man wanted + anything of me for his own ends, he would be polite and deferential.’ + </p> + <p> + The more Jonas repelled him in his hints and inquiries, the more + solicitous, therefore, Mr Pecksniff became to be initiated into the golden + mysteries at which he had obscurely glanced. Why should there be cold and + worldly secrets, he observed, between relations? What was life without + confidence? If the chosen husband of his daughter, the man to whom he had + delivered her with so much pride and hope, such bounding and such beaming + joy; if he were not a green spot in the barren waste of life, where was + that oasis to be bound? + </p> + <p> + Little did Mr Pecksniff think on what a very green spot he planted one + foot at that moment! Little did he foresee when he said, ‘All is but + dust!’ how very shortly he would come down with his own! + </p> + <p> + Inch by inch, in his grudging and ill-conditioned way; sustained to the + life, for the hope of making Mr Pecksniff suffer in that tender place, the + pocket, where Jonas smarted so terribly himself, gave him an additional + and malicious interest in the wiles he was set on to practise; inch by + inch, and bit by bit, Jonas rather allowed the dazzling prospects of the + Anglo-Bengalee establishment to escape him, than paraded them before his + greedy listener. And in the same niggardly spirit, he left Mr Pecksniff to + infer, if he chose (which he <i>did </i>choose, of course), that a consciousness + of not having any great natural gifts of speech and manner himself, + rendered him desirous to have the credit of introducing to Mr Montague + some one who was well endowed in those respects, and so atone for his own + deficiencies. Otherwise, he muttered discontentedly, he would have seen + his beloved father-in-law ‘far enough off,’ before he would have taken him + into his confidence. + </p> + <p> + Primed in this artful manner, Mr Pecksniff presented himself at + dinner-time in such a state of suavity, benevolence, cheerfulness, + politeness, and cordiality, as even he had perhaps never attained before. + The frankness of the country gentleman, the refinement of the artist, the + good-humoured allowance of the man of the world; philanthropy, + forbearance, piety, toleration, all blended together in a flexible + adaptability to anything and everything; were expressed in Mr Pecksniff, + as he shook hands with the great speculator and capitalist. + </p> + <p> + ‘Welcome, respected sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘to our humble village! We + are a simple people; primitive clods, Mr Montague; but we can appreciate + the honour of your visit, as my dear son-in-law can testify. It is very + strange,’ said Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand almost reverentially, ‘but + I seem to know you. That towering forehead, my dear Jonas,’ said Mr + Pecksniff aside, ‘and those clustering masses of rich hair—I must + have seen you, my dear sir, in the sparkling throng.’ + </p> + <p> + Nothing was more probable, they all agreed. + </p> + <p> + ‘I could have wished,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘to have had the honour of + introducing you to an elderly inmate of our house: to the uncle of our + friend. Mr Chuzzlewit, sir, would have been proud indeed to have taken you + by the hand.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is the gentleman here now?’ asked Montague, turning deeply red. ‘He is,’ + said Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘You said nothing about that, Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t suppose you’d care to hear of it,’ returned Jonas. ‘You wouldn’t + care to know him, I can promise you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Jonas! my dear Jonas!’ remonstrated Mr Pecksniff. ‘Really!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! it’s all very well for you to speak up for him,’ said Jonas. ‘You + have nailed him. You’ll get a fortune by him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oho! Is the wind in that quarter?’ cried Montague. ‘Ha, ha, ha!’ and here + they all laughed—especially Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no!’ said that gentleman, clapping his son-in-law playfully upon the + shoulder. ‘You must not believe all that my young relative says, Mr + Montague. You may believe him in official business, and trust him in + official business, but you must not attach importance to his flights of + fancy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my life, Mr Pecksniff,’ cried Montague, ‘I attach the greatest + importance to that last observation of his. I trust and hope it’s true. + Money cannot be turned and turned again quickly enough in the ordinary + course, Mr Pecksniff. There is nothing like building our fortune on the + weaknesses of mankind.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh fie! oh fie, for shame!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. But they all laughed + again—especially Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘I give you my honour that <i>we</i> do it,’ said Montague. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh fie, fie!’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘You are very pleasant. That I am sure + you don’t! That I am sure you don’t! How <i>can </i>you, you know?’ + </p> + <p> + Again they all laughed in concert; and again Mr Pecksniff laughed + especially. + </p> + <p> + This was very agreeable indeed. It was confidential, easy, + straight-forward; and still left Mr Pecksniff in the position of being in + a gentle way the Mentor of the party. The greatest achievements in the + article of cookery that the Dragon had ever performed, were set before + them; the oldest and best wines in the Dragon’s cellar saw the light on + that occasion; a thousand bubbles, indicative of the wealth and station of + Mr Montague in the depths of his pursuits, were constantly rising to the + surface of the conversation; and they were as frank and merry as three + honest men could be. Mr Pecksniff thought it a pity (he said so) that Mr + Montague should think lightly of mankind and their weaknesses. He was + anxious upon this subject; his mind ran upon it; in one way or another he + was constantly coming back to it; he must make a convert of him, he said. + And as often as Mr Montague repeated his sentiment about building fortunes + on the weaknesses of mankind, and added frankly, ‘<i>we</i> do it!’ just as often + Mr Pecksniff repeated ‘Oh fie! oh fie, for shame! I am sure you don’t. How + <i>can </i>you, you know?’ laying a greater stress each time on those last words. + </p> + <p> + The frequent repetition of this playful inquiry on the part of Mr + Pecksniff, led at last to playful answers on the part of Mr Montague; but + after some little sharp-shooting on both sides, Mr Pecksniff became grave, + almost to tears; observing that if Mr Montague would give him leave, he + would drink the health of his young kinsman, Mr Jonas; congratulating him + upon the valuable and distinguished friendship he had formed, but envying + him, he would confess, his usefulness to his fellow-creatures. For, if he + understood the objects of that Institution with which he was newly and + advantageously connected—knowing them but imperfectly—they + were calculated to do Good; and for his (Mr Pecksniff’s) part, if he could + in any way promote them, he thought he would be able to lay his head upon + his pillow every night, with an absolute certainty of going to sleep at + once. + </p> + <p> + The transition from this accidental remark (for it was quite accidental + and had fallen from Mr Pecksniff in the openness of his soul), to the + discussion of the subject as a matter of business, was easy. Books, + papers, statements, tables, calculations of various kinds, were soon + spread out before them; and as they were all framed with one object, it is + not surprising that they should all have tended to one end. But still, + whenever Montague enlarged upon the profits of the office, and said that + as long as there were gulls upon the wing it must succeed, Mr Pecksniff + mildly said ‘Oh fie!’—and might indeed have remonstrated with him, + but that he knew he was joking. Mr Pecksniff did know he was joking; + because he said so. + </p> + <p> + There never had been before, and there never would be again, such an + opportunity for the investment of a considerable sum (the rate of + advantage increased in proportion to the amount invested), as at that + moment. The only time that had at all approached it, was the time when + Jonas had come into the concern; which made him ill-natured now, and + inclined him to pick out a doubt in this place, and a flaw in that, and + grumbling to advise Mr Pecksniff to think better of it. The sum which + would complete the proprietorship in this snug concern, was nearly equal + to Mr Pecksniff’s whole hoard; not counting Mr Chuzzlewit, that is to say, + whom he looked upon as money in the Bank, the possession of which inclined + him the more to make a dash with his own private sprats for the capture of + such a whale as Mr Montague described. The returns began almost + immediately, and were immense. The end of it was, that Mr Pecksniff agreed + to become the last partner and proprietor in the Anglo-Bengalee, and made + an appointment to dine with Mr Montague, at Salisbury, on the next day but + one, then and there to complete the negotiation. + </p> + <p> + It took so long to bring the subject to this head, that it was nearly + midnight when they parted. When Mr Pecksniff walked downstairs to the + door, he found Mrs Lupin standing there, looking out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, my good friend!’ he said; ‘not a-bed yet! Contemplating the stars, + Mrs Lupin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a beautiful starlight night, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A beautiful starlight night,’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking up. ‘Behold the + planets, how they shine! Behold the—those two persons who were here + this morning have left your house, I hope, Mrs Lupin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. They are gone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad to hear it,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Behold the wonders of the + firmament, Mrs Lupin! how glorious is the scene! When I look up at those + shining orbs, I think that each of them is winking to the other to take + notice of the vanity of men’s pursuits. My fellow-men!’ cried Mr + Pecksniff, shaking his head in pity; ‘you are much mistaken; my wormy + relatives, you are much deceived! The stars are perfectly contented (I + suppose so) in their several spheres. Why are not you? Oh! do not strive + and struggle to enrich yourselves, or to get the better of each other, my + deluded friends, but look up there, with me!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Lupin shook her head, and heaved a sigh. It was very affecting. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look up there, with me!’ repeated Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand; + ‘With me, a humble individual who is also an insect like yourselves. Can + silver, gold, or precious stones, sparkle like those constellations! I + think not. Then do not thirst for silver, gold, or precious stones; but + look up there, with me!’ + </p> + <p> + With those words, the good man patted Mrs Lupin’s hand between his own, as + if he would have added ‘think of this, my good woman!’ and walked away in + a sort of ecstasy or rapture, with his hat under his arm. + </p> + <p> + Jonas sat in the attitude in which Mr Pecksniff had left him, gazing + moodily at his friend; who, surrounded by a heap of documents, was writing + something on an oblong slip of paper. + </p> + <p> + ‘You mean to wait at Salisbury over the day after to-morrow, do you, + then?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘You heard our appointment,’ returned Montague, without raising his eyes. + ‘In any case I should have waited to see after the boy.’ + </p> + <p> + They appeared to have changed places again; Montague being in high + spirits; Jonas gloomy and lowering. + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t want me, I suppose?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘I want you to put your name here,’ he returned, glancing at him with a + smile, ‘as soon as I have filled up the stamp. I may as well have your + note of hand for that extra capital. That’s all I want. If you wish to go + home, I can manage Mr Pecksniff now, alone. There is a perfect + understanding between us.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas sat scowling at him as he wrote, in silence. When he had finished + his writing, and had dried it on the blotting paper in his + travelling-desk; he looked up, and tossed the pen towards him. + </p> + <p> + ‘What, not a day’s grace, not a day’s trust, eh?’ said Jonas bitterly. + ‘Not after the pains I have taken with to-night’s work?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To night’s work was a part of our bargain,’ replied Montague; ‘and so was + this.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You drive a hard bargain,’ said Jonas, advancing to the table. ‘You know + best. Give it here!’ + </p> + <p> + Montague gave him the paper. After pausing as if he could not make up his + mind to put his name to it, Jonas dipped his pen hastily in the nearest + inkstand, and began to write. But he had scarcely marked the paper when he + started back, in a panic. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, what the devil’s this?’ he said. ‘It’s bloody!’ + </p> + <p> + He had dipped the pen, as another moment showed, into red ink. But he + attached a strange degree of importance to the mistake. He asked how it + had come there, who had brought it, why it had been brought; and looked at + Montague, at first, as if he thought he had put a trick upon him. Even + when he used a different pen, and the right ink, he made some scratches on + another paper first, as half believing they would turn red also. + </p> + <p> + ‘Black enough, this time,’ he said, handing the note to Montague. + ‘Good-bye.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Going now! how do you mean to get away from here?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall cross early in the morning to the high road, before you are out + of bed; and catch the day-coach, going up. Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are in a hurry!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have something to do,’ said Jonas. ‘Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + His friend looked after him as he went out, in surprise, which gradually + gave place to an air of satisfaction and relief. + </p> + <p> + ‘It happens all the better. It brings about what I wanted, without any + difficulty. I shall travel home alone.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0045" id="link2HCH0045"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH TOM PINCH AND HIS SISTER TAKE A LITTLE PLEASURE; BUT QUITE IN A + DOMESTIC WAY, AND WITH NO CEREMONY ABOUT IT + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch and his sister having to part, for the dispatch of the morning’s + business, immediately after the dispersion of the other actors in the + scene upon the wharf with which the reader has been already made + acquainted, had no opportunity of discussing the subject at that time. But + Tom, in his solitary office, and Ruth, in the triangular parlour, thought + about nothing else all day; and, when their hour of meeting in the + afternoon approached, they were very full of it, to be sure. + </p> + <p> + There was a little plot between them, that Tom should always come out of + the Temple by one way; and that was past the fountain. Coming through + Fountain Court, he was just to glance down the steps leading into Garden + Court, and to look once all round him; and if Ruth had come to meet him, + there he would see her; not sauntering, you understand (on account of the + clerks), but coming briskly up, with the best little laugh upon her face + that ever played in opposition to the fountain, and beat it all to + nothing. For, fifty to one, Tom had been looking for her in the wrong + direction, and had quite given her up, while she had been tripping towards + him from the first; jingling that little reticule of hers (with all the + keys in it) to attract his wandering observation. + </p> + <p> + Whether there was life enough left in the slow vegetation of Fountain + Court for the smoky shrubs to have any consciousness of the brightest and + purest-hearted little woman in the world, is a question for gardeners, and + those who are learned in the loves of plants. But, that it was a good + thing for that same paved yard to have such a delicate little figure + flitting through it; that it passed like a smile from the grimy old + houses, and the worn flagstones, and left them duller, darker, sterner + than before; there is no sort of doubt. The Temple fountain might have + leaped up twenty feet to greet the spring of hopeful maidenhood, that in + her person stole on, sparkling, through the dry and dusty channels of the + Law; the chirping sparrows, bred in Temple chinks and crannies, might have + held their peace to listen to imaginary skylarks, as so fresh a little + creature passed; the dingy boughs, unused to droop, otherwise than in + their puny growth, might have bent down in a kindred gracefulness to shed + their benedictions on her graceful head; old love letters, shut up in iron + boxes in the neighbouring offices, and made of no account among the heaps + of family papers into which they had strayed, and of which, in their + degeneracy, they formed a part, might have stirred and fluttered with a + moment’s recollection of their ancient tenderness, as she went lightly by. + Anything might have happened that did not happen, and never will, for the + love of Ruth. + </p> + <p> + Something happened, too, upon the afternoon of which the history treats. + Not for her love. Oh no! quite by accident, and without the least + reference to her at all. + </p> + <p> + Either she was a little too soon, or Tom was a little too late—she + was so precise in general, that she timed it to half a minute—but no + Tom was there. Well! But was anybody else there, that she blushed so + deeply, after looking round, and tripped off down the steps with such + unusual expedition? + </p> + <p> + Why, the fact is, that Mr Westlock was passing at that moment. The Temple + is a public thoroughfare; they may write up on the gates that it is not, + but so long as the gates are left open it is, and will be; and Mr Westlock + had as good a right to be there as anybody else. But why did she run away, + then? Not being ill dressed, for she was much too neat for that, why did + she run away? The brown hair that had fallen down beneath her bonnet, and + had one impertinent imp of a false flower clinging to it, boastful of its + licence before all men, <i>that </i>could not have been the cause, for it looked + charming. Oh! foolish, panting, frightened little heart, why did she run + away! + </p> + <p> + Merrily the tiny fountain played, and merrily the dimples sparkled on its + sunny face. John Westlock hurried after her. Softly the whispering water + broke and fell; as roguishly the dimples twinkled, as he stole upon her + footsteps. + </p> + <p> + Oh, foolish, panting, timid little heart, why did she feign to be + unconscious of his coming! Why wish herself so far away, yet be so + flutteringly happy there! + </p> + <p> + ‘I felt sure it was you,’ said John, when he overtook her in the sanctuary + of Garden Court. ‘I knew I couldn’t be mistaken.’ + </p> + <p> + She was <i>so</i> surprised. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are waiting for your brother,’ said John. ‘Let me bear you company.’ + </p> + <p> + So light was the touch of the coy little hand, that he glanced down to + assure himself he had it on his arm. But his glance, stopping for an + instant at the bright eyes, forgot its first design, and went no farther. + </p> + <p> + They walked up and down three or four times, speaking about Tom and his + mysterious employment. Now that was a very natural and innocent subject, + surely. Then why, whenever Ruth lifted up her eyes, did she let them fall + again immediately, and seek the uncongenial pavement of the court? They + were not such eyes as shun the light; they were not such eyes as require + to be hoarded to enhance their value. They were much too precious and too + genuine to stand in need of arts like those. Somebody must have been + looking at them! + </p> + <p> + They found out Tom, though, quickly enough. This pair of eyes descried him + in the distance, the moment he appeared. He was staring about him, as + usual, in all directions but the right one; and was as obstinate in not + looking towards them, as if he had intended it. As it was plain that, + being left to himself, he would walk away home, John Westlock darted off + to stop him. + </p> + <p> + This made the approach of poor little Ruth, by herself, one of the most + embarrassing of circumstances. There was Tom, manifesting extreme surprise + (he had no presence of mind, that Tom, on small occasions); there was + John, making as light of it as he could, but explaining at the same time + with most unnecessary elaboration; and here was she, coming towards them, + with both of them looking at her, conscious of blushing to a terrible + extent, but trying to throw up her eyebrows carelessly, and pout her rosy + lips, as if she were the coolest and most unconcerned of little women. + </p> + <p> + Merrily the fountain plashed and plashed, until the dimples, merging into + one another, swelled into a general smile, that covered the whole surface + of the basin. + </p> + <p> + ‘What an extraordinary meeting!’ said Tom. ‘I should never have dreamed of + seeing you two together here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite accidental,’ John was heard to murmur. + </p> + <p> + ‘Exactly,’ cried Tom; ‘that’s what I mean, you know. If it wasn’t + accidental, there would be nothing remarkable in it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure,’ said John. + </p> + <p> + ‘Such an out-of-the-way place for you to have met in,’ pursued Tom, quite + delighted. ‘Such an unlikely spot!’ + </p> + <p> + John rather disputed that. On the contrary, he considered it a very likely + spot, indeed. He was constantly passing to and fro there, he said. He + shouldn’t wonder if it were to happen again. His only wonder was, that it + had never happened before. + </p> + <p> + By this time Ruth had got round on the farther side of her brother, and + had taken his arm. She was squeezing it now, as much as to say ‘Are you + going to stop here all day, you dear, old, blundering Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom answered the squeeze as if it had been a speech. ‘John,’ he said, ‘if + you’ll give my sister your arm, we’ll take her between us, and walk on. I + have a curious circumstance to relate to you. Our meeting could not have + happened better.’ + </p> + <p> + Merrily the fountain leaped and danced, and merrily the smiling dimples + twinkled and expanded more and more, until they broke into a laugh against + the basin’s rim, and vanished. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom,’ said his friend, as they turned into the noisy street, ‘I have a + proposition to make. It is, that you and your sister—if she will so + far honour a poor bachelor’s dwelling—give me a great pleasure, and + come and dine with me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, to-day?’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, to-day. It’s close by, you know. Pray, Miss Pinch, insist upon it. + It will be very disinterested, for I have nothing to give you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! you must not believe that, Ruth,’ said Tom. ‘He is the most + tremendous fellow, in his housekeeping, that I ever heard of, for a single + man. He ought to be Lord Mayor. Well! what do you say? Shall we go?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you please, Tom,’ rejoined his dutiful little sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I mean,’ said Tom, regarding her with smiling admiration; ‘is there + anything you ought to wear, and haven’t got? I am sure I don’t know, John; + she may not be able to take her bonnet off, for anything I can tell.’ + </p> + <p> + There was a great deal of laughing at this, and there were divers + compliments from John Westlock—not compliments <i>he</i> said at least (and + really he was right), but good, plain, honest truths, which no one could + deny. Ruth laughed, and all that, but she made no objection; so it was an + engagement. + </p> + <p> + ‘If I had known it a little sooner,’ said John, ‘I would have tried + another pudding. Not in rivalry; but merely to exalt that famous one. I + wouldn’t on any account have had it made with suet.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why not?’ asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Because that cookery-book advises suet,’ said John Westlock; ‘and ours + was made with flour and eggs.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh good gracious!’ cried Tom. ‘Ours was made with flour and eggs, was it? + Ha, ha, ha! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs! Why anybody + knows better than that. I know better than that! Ha, ha, ha!’ + </p> + <p> + It is unnecessary to say that Tom had been present at the making of the + pudding, and had been a devoted believer in it all through. But he was so + delighted to have this joke against his busy little sister and was tickled + to that degree at having found her out, that he stopped in Temple Bar to + laugh; and it was no more to Tom, that he was anathematized and knocked + about by the surly passengers, than it would have been to a post; for he + continued to exclaim with unabated good humour, ‘flour and eggs! A + beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs!’ until John Westlock and his + sister fairly ran away from him, and left him to have his laugh out by + himself; which he had, and then came dodging across the crowded street to + them, with such sweet temper and tenderness (it was quite a tender joke of + Tom’s) beaming in his face, God bless it, that it might have purified the + air, though Temple Bar had been, as in the golden days gone by, + embellished with a row of rotting human heads. + </p> + <p> + There are snug chambers in those Inns where the bachelors live, and, for + the desolate fellows they pretend to be, it is quite surprising how well + they get on. John was very pathetic on the subject of his dreary life, and + the deplorable makeshifts and apologetic contrivances it involved, but he + really seemed to make himself pretty comfortable. His rooms were the + perfection of neatness and convenience at any rate; and if he were + anything but comfortable, the fault was certainly not theirs. + </p> + <p> + He had no sooner ushered Tom and his sister into his best room (where + there was a beautiful little vase of fresh flowers on the table, all ready + for Ruth. Just as if he had expected her, Tom said), than, seizing his + hat, he bustled out again, in his most energetically bustling, way; and + presently came hurrying back, as they saw through the half-opened door, + attended by a fiery-faced matron attired in a crunched bonnet, with + particularly long strings to it hanging down her back; in conjunction with + whom he instantly began to lay the cloth for dinner, polishing up the + wine-glasses with his own hands, brightening the silver top of the + pepper-caster on his coat-sleeve, drawing corks and filling decanters, + with a skill and expedition that were quite dazzling. And as if, in the + course of this rubbing and polishing, he had rubbed an enchanted lamp or a + magic ring, obedient to which there were twenty thousand supernatural + slaves at least, suddenly there appeared a being in a white waistcoat, + carrying under his arm a napkin, and attended by another being with an + oblong box upon his head, from which a banquet, piping hot, was taken out + and set upon the table. + </p> + <p> + Salmon, lamb, peas, innocent young potatoes, a cool salad, sliced + cucumber, a tender duckling, and a tart—all there. They all came at + the right time. Where they came from, didn’t appear; but the oblong box + was constantly going and coming, and making its arrival known to the man + in the white waistcoat by bumping modestly against the outside of the + door; for, after its first appearance, it entered the room no more. He was + never surprised, this man; he never seemed to wonder at the extraordinary + things he found in the box, but took them out with a face expressive of a + steady purpose and impenetrable character, and put them on the table. He + was a kind man; gentle in his manners, and much interested in what they + ate and drank. He was a learned man, and knew the flavour of John + Westlock’s private sauces, which he softly and feelingly described, as he + handed the little bottles round. He was a grave man, and a noiseless; for + dinner being done, and wine and fruit arranged upon the board, he + vanished, box and all, like something that had never been. + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t I say he was a tremendous fellow in his housekeeping?’ cried Tom. + ‘Bless my soul! It’s wonderful.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, Miss Pinch,’ said John. ‘This is the bright side of the life we lead + in such a place. It would be a dismal life, indeed, if it didn’t brighten + up to-day’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t believe a word he says,’ cried Tom. ‘He lives here like a monarch, + and wouldn’t change his mode of life for any consideration. He only + pretends to grumble.’ + </p> + <p> + No, John really did not appear to pretend; for he was uncommonly earnest + in his desire to have it understood that he was as dull, solitary, and + uncomfortable on ordinary occasions as an unfortunate young man could, in + reason, be. It was a wretched life, he said, a miserable life. He thought + of getting rid of the chambers as soon as possible; and meant, in fact, to + put a bill up very shortly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well’ said Tom Pinch, ‘I don’t know where you can go, John, to be more + comfortable. That’s all I can say. What do <i>you </i>say, Ruth?’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth trifled with the cherries on her plate, and said that she thought Mr + Westlock ought to be quite happy, and that she had no doubt he was. + </p> + <p> + Ah, foolish, panting, frightened little heart, how timidly she said it! + </p> + <p> + ‘But you are forgetting what you had to tell, Tom; what occurred this + morning,’ she added in the same breath. + </p> + <p> + ‘So I am,’ said Tom. ‘We have been so talkative on other topics that I + declare I have not had time to think of it. I’ll tell it you at once, + John, in case I should forget it altogether.’ + </p> + <p> + On Tom’s relating what had passed upon the wharf, his friend was very much + surprised, and took such a great interest in the narrative as Tom could + not quite understand. He believed he knew the old lady whose acquaintance + they had made, he said; and that he might venture to say, from their + description of her, that her name was Gamp. But of what nature the + communication could have been which Tom had borne so unexpectedly; why its + delivery had been entrusted to him; how it happened that the parties were + involved together; and what secret lay at the bottom of the whole affair; + perplexed him very much. Tom had been sure of his taking some interest in + the matter; but was not prepared for the strong interest he showed. It + held John Westlock to the subject even after Ruth had left the room; and + evidently made him anxious to pursue it further than as a mere subject of + conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall remonstrate with my landlord, of course,’ said Tom; ‘though he is + a very singular secret sort of man, and not likely to afford me much + satisfaction; even if he knew what was in the letter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which you may swear he did,’ John interposed. + </p> + <p> + ‘You think so?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am certain of it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Tom, ‘I shall remonstrate with him when I see him (he goes in + and out in a strange way, but I will try to catch him tomorrow morning), + on his having asked me to execute such an unpleasant commission. And I + have been thinking, John, that if I went down to Mrs What’s-her-name’s in + the City, where I was before, you know—Mrs Todgers’s—to-morrow + morning, I might find poor Mercy Pecksniff there, perhaps, and be able to + explain to her how I came to have any hand in the business.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are perfectly right, Tom,’ returned his friend, after a short + interval of reflection. ‘You cannot do better. It is quite clear to me + that whatever the business is, there is little good in it; and it is so + desirable for you to disentangle yourself from any appearance of willful + connection with it, that I would counsel you to see her husband, if you + can, and wash your hands of it by a plain statement of the facts. I have a + misgiving that there is something dark at work here, Tom. I will tell you + why, at another time; when I have made an inquiry or two myself.’ + </p> + <p> + All this sounded very mysterious to Tom Pinch. But as he knew he could + rely upon his friend, he resolved to follow this advice. + </p> + <p> + Ah, but it would have been a good thing to have had a coat of + invisibility, wherein to have watched little Ruth, when she was left to + herself in John Westlock’s chambers, and John and her brother were talking + thus, over their wine! The gentle way in which she tried to get up a + little conversation with the fiery-faced matron in the crunched bonnet, + who was waiting to attend her; after making a desperate rally in regard of + her dress, and attiring herself in a washed-out yellow gown with sprigs of + the same upon it, so that it looked like a tesselated work of pats of + butter. That would have been pleasant. The grim and griffin-like + inflexibility with which the fiery-faced matron repelled these engaging + advances, as proceeding from a hostile and dangerous power, who could have + no business there, unless it were to deprive her of a customer, or suggest + what became of the self-consuming tea and sugar, and other general + trifles. That would have been agreeable. The bashful, winning, glorious + curiosity, with which little Ruth, when fiery-face was gone, peeped into + the books and nick-nacks that were lying about, and had a particular + interest in some delicate paper-matches on the chimney-piece; wondering + who could have made them. That would have been worth seeing. The faltering + hand with which she tied those flowers together; with which, almost + blushing at her own fair self as imaged in the glass, she arranged them in + her breast, and looking at them with her head aside, now half resolved to + take them out again, now half resolved to leave them where they were. That + would have been delightful! + </p> + <p> + John seemed to think it all delightful; for coming in with Tom to tea, he + took his seat beside her like a man enchanted. And when the tea-service + had been removed, and Tom, sitting down at the piano, became absorbed in + some of his old organ tunes, he was still beside her at the open window, + looking out upon the twilight. + </p> + <p> + There is little enough to see in Furnival’s Inn. It is a shady, quiet + place, echoing to the footsteps of the stragglers who have business there; + and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer evenings. What gave it such a + charm to them, that they remained at the window as unconscious of the + flight of time as Tom himself, the dreamer, while the melodies which had + so often soothed his spirit were hovering again about him! What power + infused into the fading light, the gathering darkness; the stars that here + and there appeared; the evening air, the City’s hum and stir, the very + chiming of the old church clocks; such exquisite enthrallment, that the + divinest regions of the earth spread out before their eyes could not have + held them captive in a stronger chain? + </p> + <p> + The shadows deepened, deepened, and the room became quite dark. Still + Tom’s fingers wandered over the keys of the piano, and still the window + had its pair of tenants. At length, her hand upon his shoulder, and her + breath upon his forehead, roused Tom from his reverie. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear me!’ he cried, desisting with a start. ‘I am afraid I have been very + inconsiderate and unpolite.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom little thought how much consideration and politeness he had shown! + </p> + <p> + ‘Sing something to us, my dear,’ said Tom, ‘let us hear your voice. Come!’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock added his entreaties with such earnestness that a flinty + heart alone could have resisted them. Hers was not a flinty heart. Oh, + dear no! Quite another thing. + </p> + <p> + So down she sat, and in a pleasant voice began to sing the ballads Tom + loved well. Old rhyming stories, with here and there a pause for a few + simple chords, such as a harper might have sounded in the ancient time + while looking upward for the current of some half-remembered legend; words + of old poets, wedded to such measures that the strain of music might have + been the poet’s breath, giving utterance and expression to his thoughts; + and now a melody so joyous and light-hearted, that the singer seemed + incapable of sadness, until in her inconstancy (oh wicked little singer!) + she relapsed, and broke the listeners’ hearts again; these were the simple + means she used to please them. And that these simple means prevailed, and + she <i>did </i>please them, let the still darkened chamber, and its long-deferred + illumination witness. + </p> + <p> + The candles came at last, and it was time for moving homeward. Cutting + paper carefully, and rolling it about the stalks of those same flowers, + occasioned some delay; but even this was done in time, and Ruth was ready. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night!’ said Tom. ‘A memorable and delightful visit, John! Good + night!’ + </p> + <p> + John thought he would walk with them. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no. Don’t!’ said Tom. ‘What nonsense! We can get home very well + alone. I couldn’t think of taking you out.’ + </p> + <p> + But John said he would rather. + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you sure you would rather?’ said Tom. ‘I am afraid you only say so + out of politeness.’ + </p> + <p> + John being quite sure, gave his arm to Ruth, and led her out. Fiery-face, + who was again in attendance, acknowledged her departure with so cold a + curtsey that it was hardly visible; and cut Tom, dead. + </p> + <p> + Their host was bent on walking the whole distance, and would not listen to + Tom’s dissuasions. Happy time, happy walk, happy parting, happy dreams! + But there are some sweet day-dreams, so there are that put the visions of + the night to shame. + </p> + <p> + Busily the Temple fountain murmured in the moonlight, while Ruth lay + sleeping, with her flowers beside her; and John Westlock sketched a + portrait—whose?—from memory. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0046" id="link2HCH0046"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-SIX + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH MISS PECKSNIFF MAKES LOVE, MR JONAS MAKES WRATH, MRS GAMP MAKES + TEA, AND MR CHUFFEY MAKES BUSINESS + </p> + <p> + On the next day’s official duties coming to a close, Tom hurried home + without losing any time by the way; and after dinner and a short rest + sallied out again, accompanied by Ruth, to pay his projected visit to + Todgers’s. Tom took Ruth with him, not only because it was a great + pleasure to him to have her for his companion whenever he could, but + because he wished her to cherish and comfort poor Merry; which she, for + her own part (having heard the wretched history of that young wife from + Tom), was all eagerness to do. + </p> + <p> + ‘She was so glad to see me,’ said Tom, ‘that I am sure she will be glad to + see you. Your sympathy is certain to be much more delicate and acceptable + than mine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very far from being certain of that, Tom,’ she replied; ‘and indeed + you do yourself an injustice. Indeed you do. But I hope she may like me, + Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, she is sure to do that!’ cried Tom, confidently. + </p> + <p> + ‘What a number of friends I should have, if everybody was of your way of + thinking. Shouldn’t I, Tom, dear?’ said his little sister pinching him + upon the cheek. + </p> + <p> + Tom laughed, and said that with reference to this particular case he had + no doubt at all of finding a disciple in Merry. ‘For you women,’ said Tom, + ‘you women, my dear, are so kind, and in your kindness have such nice + perception; you know so well how to be affectionate and full of solicitude + without appearing to be; your gentleness of feeling is like your touch so + light and easy, that the one enables you to deal with wounds of the mind + as tenderly as the other enables you to deal with wounds of the body. You + are such—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My goodness, Tom!’ his sister interposed. ‘You ought to fall in love + immediately.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom put this observation off good humouredly, but somewhat gravely too; + and they were soon very chatty again on some other subject. + </p> + <p> + As they were passing through a street in the City, not very far from Mrs + Todgers’s place of residence, Ruth checked Tom before the window of a + large Upholstery and Furniture Warehouse, to call his attention to + something very magnificent and ingenious, displayed there to the best + advantage, for the admiration and temptation of the public. Tom had + hazarded some most erroneous and extravagantly wrong guess in relation to + the price of this article, and had joined his sister in laughing heartily + at his mistake, when he pressed her arm in his, and pointed to two persons + at a little distance, who were looking in at the same window with a deep + interest in the chests of drawers and tables. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20706m.jpg" alt="20706m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20706.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Hush!’ Tom whispered. ‘Miss Pecksniff, and the young gentleman to whom + she is going to be married.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why does he look as if he was going to be buried, Tom?’ inquired his + little sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, he is naturally a dismal young gentleman, I believe,’ said Tom ‘but + he is very civil and inoffensive.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose they are furnishing their house,’ whispered Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I suppose they are,’ replied Tom. ‘We had better avoid speaking to + them.’ + </p> + <p> + They could not very well avoid looking at them, however, especially as + some obstruction on the pavement, at a little distance, happened to detain + them where they were for a few moments. Miss Pecksniff had quite the air + of having taken the unhappy Moddle captive, and brought him up to the + contemplation of the furniture like a lamb to the altar. He offered no + resistance, but was perfectly resigned and quiet. The melancholy depicted + in the turn of his languishing head, and in his dejected attitude, was + extreme; and though there was a full-sized four-post bedstead in the + window, such a tear stood trembling in his eye as seemed to blot it out. + </p> + <p> + ‘Augustus, my love,’ said Miss Pecksniff, ‘ask the price of the eight + rosewood chairs, and the loo table.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps they are ordered already,’ said Augustus. ‘Perhaps they are + Another’s.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘They can make more like them, if they are,’ rejoined Miss Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, they can’t,’ said Moddle. ‘It’s impossible!’ + </p> + <p> + He appeared, for the moment, to be quite overwhelmed and stupefied by the + prospect of his approaching happiness; but recovering, entered the shop. + He returned immediately, saying in a tone of despair + </p> + <p> + ‘Twenty-four pound ten!’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff, turning to receive this announcement, became conscious of + the observation of Tom Pinch and his sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, really!’ cried Miss Pecksniff, glancing about her, as if for some + convenient means of sinking into the earth. ‘Upon my word, I—there + never was such a—to think that one should be so very—Mr + Augustus Moddle, Miss Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff was quite gracious to Miss Pinch in this triumphant + introduction; exceedingly gracious. She was more than gracious; she was + kind and cordial. Whether the recollection of the old service Tom had + rendered her in knocking Mr Jonas on the head had wrought this change in + her opinions; or whether her separation from her parent had reconciled her + to all human-kind, or to all that interesting portion of human-kind which + was not friendly to him; or whether the delight of having some new female + acquaintance to whom to communicate her interesting prospects was + paramount to every other consideration; cordial and kind Miss Pecksniff + was. And twice Miss Pecksniff kissed Miss Pinch upon the cheek. + </p> + <p> + ‘Augustus—Mr Pinch, you know. My dear girl!’ said Miss Pecksniff, + aside. ‘I never was so ashamed in my life.’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth begged her not to think of it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I mind your brother less than anybody else,’ simpered Miss Pecksniff. + ‘But the indelicacy of meeting any gentleman under such circumstances! + Augustus, my child, did you—’ + </p> + <p> + Here Miss Pecksniff whispered in his ear. The suffering Moddle repeated: + </p> + <p> + ‘Twenty-four pound ten!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you silly man! I don’t mean them,’ said Miss Pecksniff. ‘I am + speaking of the—’ + </p> + <p> + Here she whispered him again. + </p> + <p> + ‘If it’s the same patterned chintz as that in the window; thirty-two, + twelve, six,’ said Moddle, with a sigh. ‘And very dear.’ + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff stopped him from giving any further explanation by laying + her hand upon his lips, and betraying a soft embarrassment. She then asked + Tom Pinch which way he was going. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was going to see if I could find your sister,’ answered Tom, ‘to whom I + wished to say a few words. We were going to Mrs Todgers’s, where I had the + pleasure of seeing her before.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s of no use your going on, then,’ said Cherry, ‘for we have not long + left there; and I know she is not at home. But I’ll take you to my + sister’s house, if you please. Augustus—Mr Moddle, I mean—and + myself, are on our way to tea there, now. You needn’t think of <i>him</i>,’ she + added, nodding her head as she observed some hesitation on Tom’s part. ‘He + is not at home.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you sure?’ asked Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, I am quite sure of that. I don’t want any <i>more </i>revenge,’ said Miss + Pecksniff, expressively. ‘But, really, I must beg you two gentlemen to + walk on, and allow me to follow with Miss Pinch. My dear, I never was so + taken by surprise!’ + </p> + <p> + In furtherance of this bashful arrangement, Moddle gave his arm to Tom; + and Miss Pecksniff linked her own in Ruth’s. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course, my love,’ said Miss Pecksniff, ‘it would be useless for me to + disguise, after what you have seen, that I am about to be united to the + gentleman who is walking with your brother. It would be in vain to conceal + it. What do you think of him? Pray, let me have your candid opinion.’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth intimated that, as far as she could judge, he was a very eligible + swain. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am curious to know,’ said Miss Pecksniff, with loquacious frankness, + ‘whether you have observed, or fancied, in this very short space of time, + that he is of a rather melancholy turn?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So very short a time,’ Ruth pleaded. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no; but don’t let that interfere with your answer,’ returned Miss + Pecksniff. ‘I am curious to hear what you say.’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth acknowledged that he had impressed her at first sight as looking + ‘rather low.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, really?’ said Miss Pecksniff. ‘Well! that is quite remarkable! + Everybody says the same. Mrs Todgers says the same; and Augustus informs + me that it is quite a joke among the gentlemen in the house. Indeed, but + for the positive commands I have laid upon him, I believe it would have + been the occasion of loaded fire-arms being resorted to more than once. + What do you think is the cause of his appearance of depression?’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth thought of several things; such as his digestion, his tailor, his + mother, and the like. But hesitating to give utterance to any one of them, + she refrained from expressing an opinion. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ said Miss Pecksniff; ‘I shouldn’t wish it to be known, but I + don’t mind mentioning it to you, having known your brother for so many + years—I refused Augustus three times. He is of a most amiable and + sensitive nature, always ready to shed tears if you look at him, which is + extremely charming; and he has never recovered the effect of that cruelty. + For it <i>was </i>cruel,’ said Miss Pecksniff, with a self-conviction candour + that might have adorned the diadem of her own papa. ‘There is no doubt of + it. I look back upon my conduct now with blushes. I always liked him. I + felt that he was not to me what the crowd of young men who had made + proposals had been, but something very different. Then what right had I to + refuse him three times?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was a severe trial of his fidelity, no doubt,’ said Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ returned Miss Pecksniff. ‘It was wrong. But such is the caprice + and thoughtlessness of our sex! Let me be a warning to you. Don’t try the + feelings of any one who makes you an offer, as I have tried the feelings + of Augustus; but if you ever feel towards a person as I really felt + towards him, at the very time when I was driving him to distraction, let + that feeling find expression, if that person throws himself at your feet, + as Augustus Moddle did at mine. Think,’ said Miss Pecksniff, ‘what my + feelings would have been, if I had goaded him to suicide, and it had got + into the papers!’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth observed that she would have been full of remorse, no doubt. + </p> + <p> + ‘Remorse!’ cried Miss Pecksniff, in a sort of snug and comfortable + penitence. ‘What my remorse is at this moment, even after making + reparation by accepting him, it would be impossible to tell you! Looking + back upon my giddy self, my dear, now that I am sobered down and made + thoughtful, by treading on the very brink of matrimony; and contemplating + myself as I was when I was like what you are now; I shudder. I shudder. + What is the consequence of my past conduct? Until Augustus leads me to the + altar he is not sure of me. I have blighted and withered the affections of + his heart to that extent that he is not sure of me. I see that preying on + his mind and feeding on his vitals. What are the reproaches of my + conscience, when I see this in the man I love!’ + </p> + <p> + Ruth endeavoured to express some sense of her unbounded and flattering + confidence; and presumed that she was going to be married soon. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very soon indeed,’ returned Miss Pecksniff. ‘As soon as our house is + ready. We are furnishing now as fast as we can.’ + </p> + <p> + In the same vein of confidence Miss Pecksniff ran through a general + inventory of the articles that were already bought with the articles that + remained to be purchased; what garments she intended to be married in, and + where the ceremony was to be performed; and gave Miss Pinch, in short (as + she told her), early and exclusive information on all points of interest + connected with the event. + </p> + <p> + While this was going forward in the rear, Tom and Mr Moddle walked on, arm + in arm, in the front, in a state of profound silence, which Tom at last + broke; after thinking for a long time what he could say that should refer + to an indifferent topic, in respect of which he might rely, with some + degree of certainty, on Mr Moddle’s bosom being unruffled. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wonder,’ said Tom, ‘that in these crowded streets the foot-passengers + are not oftener run over.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Moddle, with a dark look, replied: + </p> + <p> + ‘The drivers won’t do it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean?’ Tom began— + </p> + <p> + ‘That there are some men,’ interrupted Moddle, with a hollow laugh, ‘who + can’t get run over. They live a charmed life. Coal waggons recoil from + them, and even cabs refuse to run them down. Ah!’ said Augustus, marking + Tom’s astonishment. ‘There are such men. One of ‘em is a friend of mine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my word and honour,’ thought Tom, ‘this young gentleman is in a + state of mind which is very serious indeed!’ Abandoning all idea of + conversation, he did not venture to say another word, but he was careful + to keep a tight hold upon Augustus’s arm, lest he should fly into the + road, and making another and a more successful attempt, should get up a + private little Juggernaut before the eyes of his betrothed. Tom was so + afraid of his committing this rash act, that he had scarcely ever + experienced such mental relief as when they arrived in safety at Mrs Jonas + Chuzzlewit’s house. + </p> + <p> + ‘Walk up, pray, Mr Pinch,’ said Miss Pecksniff. For Tom halted, + irresolutely, at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am doubtful whether I should be welcome,’ replied Tom, ‘or, I ought + rather to say, I have no doubt about it. I will send up a message, I + think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But what nonsense that is!’ returned Miss Pecksniff, speaking apart to + Tom. ‘He is not at home, I am certain. I know he is not; and Merry hasn’t + the least idea that you ever—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ interrupted Tom. ‘Nor would I have her know it, on any account. I am + not so proud of that scuffle, I assure you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, but then you are so modest, you see,’ returned Miss Pecksniff, with a + smile. ‘But pray walk up. If you don’t wish her to know it, and do wish to + speak to her, pray walk up. Pray walk up, Miss Pinch. Don’t stand here.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom still hesitated for he felt that he was in an awkward position. But + Cherry passing him at this juncture, and leading his sister upstairs, and + the house-door being at the same time shut behind them, he followed + without quite knowing whether it was well or ill-judged so to do. + </p> + <p> + ‘Merry, my darling!’ said the fair Miss Pecksniff, opening the door of the + usual sitting-room. ‘Here are Mr Pinch and his sister come to see you! I + thought we should find you here, Mrs Todgers! How do you do, Mrs Gamp? And + how do you do, Mr Chuffey, though it’s of no use asking you the question, + I am well aware.’ + </p> + <p> + Honouring each of these parties, as she severally addressed them, with an + acid smile, Miss Charity presented ‘Mr Moddle.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I believe you have seen <i>him </i>before,’ she pleasantly observed. ‘Augustus, + my sweet child, bring me a chair.’ + </p> + <p> + The sweet child did as he was told; and was then about to retire into a + corner to mourn in secret, when Miss Charity, calling him in an audible + whisper a ‘little pet,’ gave him leave to come and sit beside her. It is + to be hoped, for the general cheerfulness of mankind, that such a doleful + little pet was never seen as Mr Moddle looked when he complied. So + despondent was his temper, that he showed no outward thrill of ecstasy + when Miss Pecksniff placed her lily hand in his, and concealed this mark + of her favour from the vulgar gaze by covering it with a corner of her + shawl. Indeed, he was infinitely more rueful then than he had been before; + and, sitting uncomfortably upright in his chair, surveyed the company with + watery eyes, which seemed to say, without the aid of language, ‘Oh, good + gracious! look here! Won’t some kind Christian help me!’ + </p> + <p> + But the ecstasies of Mrs Gamp were sufficient to have furnished forth a + score of young lovers; and they were chiefly awakened by the sight of Tom + Pinch and his sister. Mrs Gamp was a lady of that happy temperament which + can be ecstatic without any other stimulating cause than a general desire + to establish a large and profitable connection. She added daily so many + strings to her bow, that she made a perfect harp of it; and upon that + instrument she now began to perform an extemporaneous concerto. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, goodness me!’ she said, ‘Mrs Chuzzlewit! To think as I should see + beneath this blessed ‘ouse, which well I know it, Miss Pecksniff, my sweet + young lady, to be a ‘ouse as there is not a many like, worse luck, and + wishin’ it were not so, which then this tearful walley would be changed + into a flowerin’ guardian, Mr Chuffey; to think as I should see beneath + this indiwidgle roof, identically comin’, Mr Pinch (I take the liberty, + though almost unbeknown), and do assure you of it, sir, the smilinest and + sweetest face as ever, Mrs Chuzzlewit, I see exceptin’ yourn, my dear good + lady, and <i>your </i>good lady’s too, sir, Mr Moddle, if I may make so bold as + speak so plain of what is plain enough to them as needn’t look through + millstones, Mrs Todgers, to find out wot is wrote upon the wall behind. + Which no offence is meant, ladies and gentlemen; none bein’ took, I hope. + To think as I should see that smilinest and sweetest face which me and + another friend of mine, took notice of among the packages down London + Bridge, in this promiscous place, is a surprige in-deed!’ + </p> + <p> + Having contrived, in this happy manner, to invest every member of her + audience with an individual share and immediate personal interest in her + address, Mrs Gamp dropped several curtseys to Ruth, and smilingly shaking + her head a great many times, pursued the thread of her discourse: + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, ain’t we rich in beauty this here joyful arternoon, I’m sure. I + knows a lady, which her name, I’ll not deceive you, Mrs Chuzzlewit, is + Harris, her husband’s brother bein’ six foot three, and marked with a mad + bull in Wellington boots upon his left arm, on account of his precious + mother havin’ been worrited by one into a shoemaker’s shop, when in a + sitiwation which blessed is the man as has his quiver full of sech, as + many times I’ve said to Gamp when words has roge betwixt us on account of + the expense—and often have I said to Mrs Harris, “Oh, Mrs Harris, + ma’am! your countenance is quite a angel’s!” Which, but for Pimples, it + would be. “No, Sairey Gamp,” says she, “you best of hard-working and + industrious creeturs as ever was underpaid at any price, which underpaid + you are, quite diff’rent. Harris had it done afore marriage at ten and + six,” she says, “and wore it faithful next his heart till the colour run, + when the money was declined to be give back, and no arrangement could be + come to. But he never said it was a angel’s, Sairey, wotever he might have + thought.” If Mrs Harris’s husband was here now,’ said Mrs Gamp, looking + round, and chuckling as she dropped a general curtsey, ‘he’d speak out + plain, he would, and his dear wife would be the last to blame him! For if + ever a woman lived as know’d not wot it was to form a wish to pizon them + as had good looks, and had no reagion give her by the best of husbands, + Mrs Harris is that ev’nly dispogician!’ + </p> + <p> + With these words the worthy woman, who appeared to have dropped in to take + tea as a delicate little attention, rather than to have any engagement on + the premises in an official capacity, crossed to Mr Chuffey, who was + seated in the same corner as of old, and shook him by the shoulder. + </p> + <p> + ‘Rouge yourself, and look up! Come!’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘Here’s company, Mr + Chuffey.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sorry for it,’ cried the old man, looking humbly round the room. ‘I + know I’m in the way. I ask pardon, but I’ve nowhere else to go to. Where + is she?’ + </p> + <p> + Merry went to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said the old man, patting her on the check. ‘Here she is. Here she + is! She’s never hard on poor old Chuffey. Poor old Chuff!’ + </p> + <p> + As she took her seat upon a low chair by the old man’s side, and put + herself within the reach of his hand, she looked up once at Tom. It was a + sad look that she cast upon him, though there was a faint smile trembling + on her face. It was a speaking look, and Tom knew what it said. ‘You see + how misery has changed me. I can feel for a dependant <i>now</i>, and set some + value on his attachment.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, aye!’ cried Chuffey in a soothing tone. ‘Aye, aye, aye! Never mind + him. It’s hard to hear, but never mind him. He’ll die one day. There are + three hundred and sixty-five days in the year—three hundred and + sixty-six in leap year—and he may die on any one of ‘em.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re a wearing old soul, and that’s the sacred truth,’ said Mrs Gamp, + contemplating him from a little distance with anything but favour, as he + continued to mutter to himself. ‘It’s a pity that you don’t know wot you + say, for you’d tire your own patience out if you did, and fret yourself + into a happy releage for all as knows you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘His son,’ murmured the old man, lifting up his hand. ‘His son!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I’m sure!’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘you’re a-settlin’ of it, Mr Chuffey. To + your satigefaction, sir, I hope. But I wouldn’t lay a new pincushion on it + myself, sir, though you <i>are </i>so well informed. Drat the old creetur, he’s + a-layin’ down the law tolerable confident, too! A deal he knows of sons! + or darters either! Suppose you was to favour us with some remarks on + twins, sir, <i>would </i>you be so good!’ + </p> + <p> + The bitter and indignant sarcasm which Mrs Gamp conveyed into these taunts + was altogether lost on the unconscious Chuffey, who appeared to be as + little cognizant of their delivery as of his having given Mrs Gamp + offence. But that high-minded woman being sensitively alive to any + invasion of her professional province, and imagining that Mr Chuffey had + given utterance to some prediction on the subject of sons, which ought to + have emanated in the first instance from herself as the only lawful + authority, or which should at least have been on no account proclaimed + without her sanction and concurrence, was not so easily appeased. She + continued to sidle at Mr Chuffey with looks of sharp hostility, and to + defy him with many other ironical remarks, uttered in that low key which + commonly denotes suppressed indignation; until the entrance of the + teaboard, and a request from Mrs Jonas that she would make tea at a + side-table for the party that had unexpectedly assembled, restored her to + herself. She smiled again, and entered on her ministration with her own + particular urbanity. + </p> + <p> + ‘And quite a family it is to make tea for,’ said Mrs Gamp; ‘and wot a + happiness to do it! My good young ‘ooman’—to the servant-girl—‘p’raps + somebody would like to try a new-laid egg or two, not biled too hard. + Likeways, a few rounds o’ buttered toast, first cuttin’ off the crust, in + consequence of tender teeth, and not too many of ‘em; which Gamp himself, + Mrs Chuzzlewit, at one blow, being in liquor, struck out four, two single, + and two double, as was took by Mrs Harris for a keepsake, and is carried + in her pocket at this present hour, along with two cramp-bones, a bit o’ + ginger, and a grater like a blessed infant’s shoe, in tin, with a little + heel to put the nutmeg in; as many times I’ve seen and said, and used for + candle when required, within the month.’ + </p> + <p> + As the privileges of the side-table—besides including the small + prerogatives of sitting next the toast, and taking two cups of tea to + other people’s one, and always taking them at a crisis, that is to say, + before putting fresh water into the tea-pot, and after it had been + standing for some time—also comprehended a full view of the company, + and an opportunity of addressing them as from a rostrum, Mrs Gamp + discharged the functions entrusted to her with extreme good-humour and + affability. Sometimes resting her saucer on the palm of her outspread + hand, and supporting her elbow on the table, she stopped between her sips + of tea to favour the circle with a smile, a wink, a roll of the head, or + some other mark of notice; and at those periods her countenance was + lighted up with a degree of intelligence and vivacity, which it was almost + impossible to separate from the benignant influence of distilled waters. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20716m.jpg" alt="20716m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20716.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + But for Mrs Gamp, it would have been a curiously silent party. Miss + Pecksniff only spoke to her Augustus, and to him in whispers. Augustus + spoke to nobody, but sighed for every one, and occasionally gave himself + such a sounding slap upon the forehead as would make Mrs Todgers, who was + rather nervous, start in her chair with an involuntary exclamation. Mrs + Todgers was occupied in knitting, and seldom spoke. Poor Merry held the + hand of cheerful little Ruth between her own, and listening with evident + pleasure to all she said, but rarely speaking herself, sometimes smiled, + and sometimes kissed her on the cheek, and sometimes turned aside to hide + the tears that trembled in her eyes. Tom felt this change in her so much, + and was so glad to see how tenderly Ruth dealt with her, and how she knew + and answered to it, that he had not the heart to make any movement towards + their departure, although he had long since given utterance to all he came + to say. + </p> + <p> + The old clerk, subsiding into his usual state, remained profoundly silent, + while the rest of the little assembly were thus occupied, intent upon the + dreams, whatever they might be, which hardly seemed to stir the surface of + his sluggish thoughts. The bent of these dull fancies combining probably + with the silent feasting that was going on about him, and some struggling + recollection of the last approach to revelry he had witnessed, suggested a + strange question to his mind. He looked round upon a sudden, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Who’s lying dead upstairs?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No one,’ said Merry, turning to him. ‘What is the matter? We are all + here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All here!’ cried the old man. ‘All here! Where is he then—my old + master, Mr Chuzzlewit, who had the only son? Where is he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush! Hush!’ said Merry, speaking kindly to him. ‘That happened long ago. + Don’t you recollect?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Recollect!’ rejoined the old man, with a cry of grief. ‘As if I could + forget! As if I ever could forget!’ + </p> + <p> + He put his hand up to his face for a moment; and then repeated turning + round exactly as before: + </p> + <p> + ‘Who’s lying dead upstairs?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No one!’ said Merry. + </p> + <p> + At first he gazed angrily upon her, as upon a stranger who endeavoured to + deceive him; but peering into her face, and seeing that it was indeed she, + he shook his head in sorrowful compassion. + </p> + <p> + ‘You think not. But they don’t tell you. No, no, poor thing! They don’t + tell you. Who are these, and why are they merry-making here, if there is + no one dead? Foul play! Go see who it is!’ + </p> + <p> + She made a sign to them not to speak to him, which indeed they had little + inclination to do; and remained silent herself. So did he for a short + time; but then he repeated the same question with an eagerness that had a + peculiar terror in it. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s some one dead,’ he said, ‘or dying; and I want to knows who it + is. Go see, go see! Where’s Jonas?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the country,’ she replied. + </p> + <p> + The old man gazed at her as if he doubted what she said, or had not heard + her; and, rising from his chair, walked across the room and upstairs, + whispering as he went, ‘Foul play!’ They heard his footsteps overhead, + going up into that corner of the room in which the bed stood (it was there + old Anthony had died); and then they heard him coming down again + immediately. His fancy was not so strong or wild that it pictured to him + anything in the deserted bedchamber which was not there; for he returned + much calmer, and appeared to have satisfied himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘They don’t tell you,’ he said to Merry in his quavering voice, as he sat + down again, and patted her upon the head. ‘They don’t tell me either; but + I’ll watch, I’ll watch. They shall not hurt you; don’t be frightened. When + you have sat up watching, I have sat up watching too. Aye, aye, I have!’ + he piped out, clenching his weak, shrivelled hand. ‘Many a night I have + been ready!’ + </p> + <p> + He said this with such trembling gaps and pauses in his want of breath, + and said it in his jealous secrecy so closely in her ear, that little or + nothing of it was understood by the visitors. But they had heard and seen + enough of the old man to be disquieted, and to have left their seats and + gathered about him; thereby affording Mrs Gamp, whose professional + coolness was not so easily disturbed, an eligible opportunity for + concentrating the whole resources of her powerful mind and appetite upon + the toast and butter, tea and eggs. She had brought them to bear upon + those viands with such vigour that her face was in the highest state of + inflammation, when she now (there being nothing left to eat or drink) saw + fit to interpose. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, highty tighty, sir!’ cried Mrs Gamp, ‘is these your manners? You + want a pitcher of cold water throw’d over you to bring you round; that’s + my belief, and if you was under Betsey Prig you’d have it, too, I do + assure you, Mr Chuffey. Spanish Flies is the only thing to draw this + nonsense out of you; and if anybody wanted to do you a kindness, they’d + clap a blister of ‘em on your head, and put a mustard poultige on your + back. ‘Who’s dead, indeed! It wouldn’t be no grievous loss if some one + was, I think!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s quiet now, Mrs Gamp,’ said Merry. ‘Don’t disturb him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, bother the old wictim, Mrs Chuzzlewit,’ replied that zealous lady, ‘I + ain’t no patience with him. You give him his own way too much by half. A + worritin’ wexagious creetur!’ + </p> + <p> + No doubt with the view of carrying out the precepts she enforced, and + ‘bothering the old wictim’ in practice as well as in theory, Mrs Gamp took + him by the collar of his coat, and gave him some dozen or two of hearty + shakes backward and forward in his chair; that exercise being considered + by the disciples of the Prig school of nursing (who are very numerous + among professional ladies) as exceedingly conducive to repose, and highly + beneficial to the performance of the nervous functions. Its effect in this + instance was to render the patient so giddy and addle-headed, that he + could say nothing more; which Mrs Gamp regarded as the triumph of her art. + </p> + <p> + ‘There!’ she said, loosening the old man’s cravat, in consequence of his + being rather black in the face, after this scientific treatment. ‘Now, I + hope, you’re easy in your mind. If you should turn at all faint we can + soon rewive you, sir, I promige you. Bite a person’s thumbs, or turn their + fingers the wrong way,’ said Mrs Gamp, smiling with the consciousness of + at once imparting pleasure and instruction to her auditors, ‘and they + comes to, wonderful, Lord bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + As this excellent woman had been formerly entrusted with the care of Mr + Chuffey on a previous occasion, neither Mrs Jonas nor anybody else had the + resolution to interfere directly with her mode of treatment; though all + present (Tom Pinch and his sister especially) appeared to be disposed to + differ from her views. For such is the rash boldness of the uninitiated, + that they will frequently set up some monstrous abstract principle, such + as humanity, or tenderness, or the like idle folly, in obstinate defiance + of all precedent and usage; and will even venture to maintain the same + against the persons who have made the precedents and established the + usage, and who must therefore be the best and most impartial judges of the + subject. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, Mr Pinch!’ said Miss Pecksniff. ‘It all comes of this unfortunate + marriage. If my sister had not been so precipitate, and had not united + herself to a Wretch, there would have been no Mr Chuffey in the house.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush!’ cried Tom. ‘She’ll hear you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should be very sorry if she did hear me, Mr Pinch,’ said Cherry, + raising her voice a little; ‘for it is not in my nature to add to the + uneasiness of any person; far less of my own sister. I know what a + sister’s duties are, Mr Pinch, and I hope I always showed it in my + practice. Augustus, my dear child, find my pocket-handkerchief, and give + it to me.’ + </p> + <p> + Augustus obeyed, and took Mrs Todgers aside to pour his griefs into her + friendly bosom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure, Mr Pinch,’ said Charity, looking after her betrothed and + glancing at her sister, ‘that I ought to be very grateful for the + blessings I enjoy, and those which are yet in store for me. When I + contrast Augustus’—here she was modest and embarrased—‘who, I + don’t mind saying to you, is all softness, mildness, and devotion, with + the detestable man who is my sister’s husband; and when I think, Mr Pinch, + that in the dispensations of this world, our cases might have been + reversed; I have much to be thankful for, indeed, and much to make me + humble and contented.’ + </p> + <p> + Contented she might have been, but humble she assuredly was not. Her face + and manner experienced something so widely different from humility, that + Tom could not help understanding and despising the base motives that were + working in her breast. He turned away, and said to Ruth, that it was time + for them to go. + </p> + <p> + ‘I will write to your husband,’ said Tom to Merry, ‘and explain to him, as + I would have done if I had met him here, that if he has sustained any + inconvenience through my means, it is not my fault; a postman not being + more innocent of the news he brings, than I was when I handed him that + letter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I thank you!’ said Merry. ‘It may do some good.’ + </p> + <p> + She parted tenderly from Ruth, who with her brother was in the act of + leaving the room, when a key was heard in the lock of the door below, and + immediately afterwards a quick footstep in the passage. Tom stopped, and + looked at Merry. + </p> + <p> + It was Jonas, she said timidly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I had better not meet him on the stairs, perhaps,’ said Tom, drawing his + sister’s arm through his, and coming back a step or two. ‘I’ll wait for + him here, a moment.’ + </p> + <p> + He had scarcely said it when the door opened, and Jonas entered. His wife + came forward to receive him; but he put her aside with his hand, and said + in a surly tone: + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t know you’d got a party.’ + </p> + <p> + As he looked, at the same time, either by accident or design, towards Miss + Pecksniff; and as Miss Pecksniff was only too delighted to quarrel with + him, she instantly resented it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear!’ she said, rising. ‘Pray don’t let us intrude upon your domestic + happiness! That would be a pity. We have taken tea here, sir, in your + absence; but if you will have the goodness to send us a note of the + expense, receipted, we shall be happy to pay it. Augustus, my love, we + will go, if you please. Mrs Todgers, unless you wish to remain here, we + shall be happy to take you with us. It would be a pity, indeed, to spoil + the bliss which this gentleman always brings with him, especially into his + own home.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Charity! Charity!’ remonstrated her sister, in such a heartfelt tone that + she might have been imploring her to show the cardinal virtue whose name + she bore. + </p> + <p> + ‘Merry, my dear, I am much obliged to you for your advice,’ returned Miss + Pecksniff, with a stately scorn—by the way, she had not been offered + any—‘but I am not his slave—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, nor wouldn’t have been if you could,’ interrupted Jonas. ‘We know all + about it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>What </i>did you say, sir?’ cried Miss Pecksniff, sharply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t you hear?’ retorted Jonas, lounging down upon a chair. ‘I am not + a-going to say it again. If you like to stay, you may stay. If you like to + go, you may go. But if you stay, please to be civil.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beast!’ cried Miss Pecksniff, sweeping past him. ‘Augustus! He is beneath + your notice!’ Augustus had been making some faint and sickly demonstration + of shaking his fist. ‘Come away, child,’ screamed Miss Pecksniff, ‘I + command you!’ + </p> + <p> + The scream was elicited from her by Augustus manifesting an intention to + return and grapple with him. But Miss Pecksniff giving the fiery youth a + pull, and Mrs Todgers giving him a push they all three tumbled out of the + room together, to the music of Miss Pecksniff’s shrill remonstrances. + </p> + <p> + All this time Jonas had seen nothing of Tom and his sister; for they were + almost behind the door when he opened it, and he had sat down with his + back towards them, and had purposely kept his eyes upon the opposite side + of the street during his altercation with Miss Pecksniff, in order that + his seeming carelessness might increase the exasperation of that wronged + young damsel. His wife now faltered out that Tom had been waiting to see + him; and Tom advanced. + </p> + <p> + The instant he presented himself, Jonas got up from his chair, and + swearing a great oath, caught it in his grasp, as if he would have felled + Tom to the ground with it. As he most unquestionably would have done, but + that his very passion and surprise made him irresolute, and gave Tom, in + his calmness, an opportunity of being heard. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have no cause to be violent, sir,’ said Tom. ‘Though what I wish to + say relates to your own affairs, I know nothing of them, and desire to + know nothing of them.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas was too enraged to speak. He held the door open; and stamping his + foot upon the ground, motioned Tom away. + </p> + <p> + ‘As you cannot suppose,’ said Tom, ‘that I am here with any view of + conciliating you or pleasing myself, I am quite indifferent to your + reception of me, or your dismissal of me. Hear what I have to say, if you + are not a madman! I gave you a letter the other day, when you were about + to go abroad.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You Thief, you did!’ retorted Jonas. ‘I’ll pay you for the carriage of it + one day, and settle an old score besides. I will!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut,’ said Tom, ‘you needn’t waste words or threats. I wish you to + understand—plainly because I would rather keep clear of you and + everything that concerns you: not because I have the least apprehension of + your doing me any injury: which would be weak indeed—that I am no + party to the contents of that letter. That I know nothing of it. That I + was not even aware that it was to be delivered to you; and that I had it + from—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By the Lord!’ cried Jonas, fiercely catching up the chair, ‘I’ll knock + your brains out, if you speak another word.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom, nevertheless, persisting in his intention, and opening his lips to + speak again, Jonas set upon him like a savage; and in the quickness and + ferocity of his attack would have surely done him some grievous injury, + defenceless as he was, and embarrassed by having his frightened sister + clinging to his arm, if Merry had not run between them, crying to Tom for + the love of Heaven to leave the house. The agony of this poor creature, + the terror of his sister, the impossibility of making himself audible, and + the equal impossibility of bearing up against Mrs Gamp, who threw herself + upon him like a feather-bed, and forced him backwards down the stairs by + the mere oppression of her dead weight, prevailed. Tom shook the dust of + that house off his feet, without having mentioned Nadgett’s name. + </p> + <p> + If the name could have passed his lips; if Jonas, in the insolence of his + vile nature, had never roused him to do that old act of manliness, for + which (and not for his last offence) he hated him with such malignity; if + Jonas could have learned, as then he could and would have learned, through + Tom’s means, what unsuspected spy there was upon him; he would have been + saved from the commission of a Guilty Deed, then drawing on towards its + black accomplishment. But the fatality was of his own working; the pit was + of his own digging; the gloom that gathered round him was the shadow of + his own life. + </p> + <p> + His wife had closed the door, and thrown herself before it, on the ground, + upon her knees. She held up her hands to him now, and besought him not to + be harsh with her, for she had interposed in fear of bloodshed. + </p> + <p> + ‘So, so!’ said Jonas, looking down upon her, as he fetched his breath. + ‘These are your friends, are they, when I am away? You plot and tamper + with this sort of people, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, indeed! I have no knowledge of these secrets, and no clue to their + meaning. I have never seen him since I left home but once—but twice—before + to-day.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ sneered Jonas, catching at this correction. ‘But once, but twice, + eh? Which do you mean? Twice and once, perhaps. Three times! How many + more, you lying jade?’ + </p> + <p> + As he made an angry motion with his hand, she shrunk down hastily. A + suggestive action! Full of a cruel truth! + </p> + <p> + ‘How many more times?’ he repeated. + </p> + <p> + ‘No more. The other morning, and to-day, and once besides.’ + </p> + <p> + He was about to retort upon her, when the clock struck. He started + stopped, and listened; appearing to revert to some engagement, or to some + other subject, a secret within his own breast, recalled to him by this + record of the progress of the hours. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t lie there! Get up!’ + </p> + <p> + Having helped her to rise, or rather hauled her up by the arm, he went on + to say: + </p> + <p> + ‘Listen to me, young lady; and don’t whine when you have no occasion, or I + may make some for you. If I find him in my house again, or find that you + have seen him in anybody else’s house, you’ll repent it. If you are not + deaf and dumb to everything that concerns me, unless you have my leave to + hear and speak, you’ll repent it. If you don’t obey exactly what I order, + you’ll repent it. Now, attend. What’s the time?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It struck eight a minute ago.’ + </p> + <p> + He looked towards her intently; and said, with a laboured distinctness, as + if he had got the words off by heart: + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been travelling day and night, and am tired. I have lost some + money, and that don’t improve me. Put my supper in the little off-room + below, and have the truckle-bed made. I shall sleep there to-night, and + maybe to-morrow night; and if I can sleep all day to-morrow, so much the + better, for I’ve got trouble to sleep off, if I can. Keep the house quiet, + and don’t call me. Mind! Don’t call me. Don’t let anybody call me. Let me + lie there.’ + </p> + <p> + She said it should be done. Was that all? + </p> + <p> + ‘All what? You must be prying and questioning!’ he angrily retorted. ‘What + more do you want to know?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I want to know nothing, Jonas, but what you tell me. All hope of + confidence between us has long deserted me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod, I should hope so!’ he muttered. + </p> + <p> + ‘But if you will tell me what you wish, I will be obedient and will try to + please you. I make no merit of that, for I have no friend in my father or + my sister, but am quite alone. I am very humble and submissive. You told + me you would break my spirit, and you have done so. Do not break my heart + too!’ + </p> + <p> + She ventured, as she said these words, to lay her hand upon his shoulder. + He suffered it to rest there, in his exultation; and the whole mean, + abject, sordid, pitiful soul of the man, looked at her, for the moment, + through his wicked eyes. + </p> + <p> + For the moment only; for, with the same hurried return to something within + himself, he bade her, in a surly tone, show her obedience by executing his + commands without delay. When she had withdrawn he paced up and down the + room several times; but always with his right hand clenched, as if it held + something; which it did not, being empty. When he was tired of this, he + threw himself into a chair, and thoughtfully turned up the sleeve of his + right arm, as if he were rather musing about its strength than examining + it; but, even then, he kept the hand clenched. + </p> + <p> + He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the ground, + when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him that the little room was ready. Not + being quite sure of her reception after interfering in the quarrel, Mrs + Gamp, as a means of interesting and propitiating her patron, affected a + deep solicitude in Mr Chuffey. + </p> + <p> + ‘How is he now, sir?’ she said. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who?’ cried Jonas, raising his head, and staring at her. + </p> + <p> + ‘To be sure!’ returned the matron with a smile and a curtsey. ‘What am I + thinking of! You wasn’t here, sir, when he was took so strange. I never + see a poor dear creetur took so strange in all my life, except a patient + much about the same age, as I once nussed, which his calling was the + custom-’us, and his name was Mrs Harris’s own father, as pleasant a + singer, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever you heerd, with a voice like a Jew’s-harp + in the bass notes, that it took six men to hold at sech times, foaming + frightful.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Chuffey, eh?’ said Jonas carelessly, seeing that she went up to the old, + clerk, and looked at him. ‘Ha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The creetur’s head’s so hot,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘that you might heat a + flat-iron at it. And no wonder I am sure, considerin’ the things he said!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Said!’ cried Jonas. ‘What did he say?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp laid her hand upon her heart, to put some check upon its + palpitations, and turning up her eyes replied in a faint voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘The awfulest things, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever I heerd! Which Mrs Harris’s + father never spoke a word when took so, some does and some don’t, except + sayin’ when he come round, “Where is Sairey Gamp?” But raly, sir, when Mr + Chuffey comes to ask who’s lyin’ dead upstairs, and—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who’s lying dead upstairs!’ repeated Jonas, standing aghast. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp nodded, made as if she were swallowing, and went on. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who’s lying dead upstairs; sech was his Bible language; and where was Mr + Chuzzlewit as had the only son; and when he goes upstairs a-looking in the + beds and wandering about the rooms, and comes down again a-whisperin’ + softly to his-self about foul play and that; it gives me sech a turn, I + don’t deny it, Mr Chuzzlewit, that I never could have kep myself up but + for a little drain o’ spirits, which I seldom touches, but could always + wish to know where to find, if so dispoged, never knowin’ wot may happen + next, the world bein’ so uncertain.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, the old fool’s mad!’ cried Jonas, much disturbed. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s my opinion, sir,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘and I will not deceive you. I + believe as Mr Chuffey, sir, rekwires attention (if I may make so bold), + and should not have his liberty to wex and worrit your sweet lady as he + does.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, who minds what he says?’ retorted Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Still he is worritin’ sir,’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘No one don’t mind him, but he + <i>is</i> a ill conwenience.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ecod you’re right,’ said Jonas, looking doubtfully at the subject of this + conversation. ‘I have half a mind to shut him up.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp rubbed her hands, and smiled, and shook her head, and sniffed + expressively, as scenting a job. + </p> + <p> + ‘Could you—could you take care of such an idiot, now, in some spare + room upstairs?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Me and a friend of mine, one off, one on, could do it, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ + replied the nurse; ‘our charges not bein’ high, but wishin’ they was + lower, and allowance made considerin’ not strangers. Me and Betsey Prig, + sir, would undertake Mr Chuffey reasonable,’ said Mrs Gamp, looking at him + with her head on one side, as if he had been a piece of goods, for which + she was driving a bargain; ‘and give every satigefaction. Betsey Prig has + nussed a many lunacies, and well she knows their ways, which puttin’ ‘em + right close afore the fire, when fractious, is the certainest and most + compoging.’ + </p> + <p> + While Mrs Gamp discoursed to this effect, Jonas was walking up and down + the room again, glancing covertly at the old clerk, as he did so. He now + made a stop, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘I must look after him, I suppose, or I may have him doing some mischief. + What say you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothin’ more likely!’ Mrs Gamp replied. ‘As well I have experienged, I do + assure you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well! Look after him for the present, and—let me see—three + days from this time let the other woman come here, and we’ll see if we can + make a bargain of it. About nine or ten o’clock at night, say. Keep your + eye upon him in the meanwhile, and don’t talk about it. He’s as mad as a + March hare!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Madder!’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘A deal madder!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘See to him, then; take care that he does no harm; and recollect what I + have told you.’ + </p> + <p> + Leaving Mrs Gamp in the act of repeating all she had been told, and of + producing in support of her memory and trustworthiness, many commendations + selected from among the most remarkable opinions of the celebrated Mrs + Harris, he descended to the little room prepared for him, and pulling off + his coat and his boots, put them outside the door before he locked it. In + locking it, he was careful so to adjust the key as to baffle any curious + person who might try to peep in through the key-hole; and when he had + taken these precautions, he sat down to his supper. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuff,’ he muttered, ‘it’ll be pretty easy to be even with <i>you</i>. It’s + of no use doing things by halves, and as long as I stop here, I’ll take + good care of you. When I’m off you may say what you please. But it’s a d—d + strange thing,’ he added, pushing away his untouched plate, and striding + moodily to and fro, ‘that his drivellings should have taken this turn just + now.’ + </p> + <p> + After pacing the little room from end to end several times, he sat down in + another chair. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say just now, but for anything I know, he may have been carrying on the + same game all along. Old dog! He shall be gagged!’ + </p> + <p> + He paced the room again in the same restless and unsteady way; and then + sat down upon the bedstead, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at + the table. When he had looked at it for a long time, he remembered his + supper; and resuming the chair he had first occupied, began to eat with + great rapacity; not like a hungry man, but as if he were determined to do + it. He drank too, roundly; sometimes stopping in the middle of a draught + to walk, and change his seat and walk again, and dart back to the table + and fall to, in a ravenous hurry, as before. + </p> + <p> + It was now growing dark. As the gloom of evening, deepening into night, + came on, another dark shade emerging from within him seemed to overspread + his face, and slowly change it. Slowly, slowly; darker and darker; more + and more haggard; creeping over him by little and little, until it was + black night within him and without. + </p> + <p> + The room in which he had shut himself up, was on the ground floor, at the + back of the house. It was lighted by a dirty skylight, and had a door in + the wall, opening into a narrow covered passage or blind-alley, very + little frequented after five or six o’clock in the evening, and not in + much use as a thoroughfare at any hour. But it had an outlet in a + neighbouring street. + </p> + <p> + The ground on which this chamber stood had, at one time, not within his + recollection, been a yard; and had been converted to its present purpose + for use as an office. But the occasion for it died with the man who built + it; and saving that it had sometimes served as an apology for a spare + bedroom, and that the old clerk had once held it (but that was years ago) + as his recognized apartment, it had been little troubled by Anthony + Chuzzlewit and Son. It was a blotched, stained, mouldering room, like a + vault; and there were water-pipes running through it, which at unexpected + times in the night, when other things were quiet, clicked and gurgled + suddenly, as if they were choking. + </p> + <p> + The door into the court had not been open for a long, long time; but the + key had always hung in one place, and there it hung now. He was prepared + for its being rusty; for he had a little bottle of oil in his pocket and + the feather of a pen, with which he lubricated the key and the lock too, + carefully. All this while he had been without his coat, and had nothing on + his feet but his stockings. He now got softly into bed in the same state, + and tossed from side to side to tumble it. In his restless condition that + was easily done. + </p> + <p> + When he arose, he took from his portmanteau, which he had caused to be + carried into that place when he came home, a pair of clumsy shoes, and put + them on his feet; also a pair of leather leggings, such as countrymen are + used to wear, with straps to fasten them to the waistband. In these he + dressed himself at leisure. Lastly, he took out a common frock of coarse + dark jean, which he drew over his own under-clothing; and a felt hat—he + had purposely left his own upstairs. He then sat himself down by the door, + with the key in his hand, waiting. + </p> + <p> + He had no light; the time was dreary, long, and awful. The ringers were + practicing in a neighbouring church, and the clashing of the bells was + almost maddening. Curse the clamouring bells, they seemed to know that he + was listening at the door, and to proclaim it in a crowd of voices to all + the town! Would they never be still? + </p> + <p> + They ceased at last, and then the silence was so new and terrible that it + seemed the prelude to some dreadful noise. Footsteps in the court! Two + men. He fell back from the door on tiptoe, as if they could have seen him + through its wooden panels. + </p> + <p> + They passed on, talking (he could make out) about a skeleton which had + been dug up yesterday, in some work of excavation near at hand, and was + supposed to be that of a murdered man. ‘So murder is not always found out, + you see,’ they said to one another as they turned the corner. + </p> + <p> + Hush! + </p> + <p> + He put the key into the lock, and turned it. The door resisted for a + while, but soon came stiffly open; mingling with the sense of fever in his + mouth, a taste of rust, and dust, and earth, and rotting wood. He looked + out; passed out; locked it after him. + </p> + <p> + All was clear and quiet, as he fled away. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0047" id="link2HCH0047"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN + </h2> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CONCLUSION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + </h3> + <p> + Did no men passing through the dim streets shrink without knowing why, + when he came stealing up behind them? As he glided on, had no child in its + sleep an indistinct perception of a guilty shadow falling on its bed, that + troubled its innocent rest? Did no dog howl, and strive to break its + rattling chain, that it might tear him; no burrowing rat, scenting the + work he had in hand, essay to gnaw a passage after him, that it might hold + a greedy revel at the feast of his providing? When he looked back, across + his shoulder, was it to see if his quick footsteps still fell dry upon the + dusty pavement, or were already moist and clogged with the red mire that + stained the naked feet of Cain! + </p> + <p> + He shaped his course for the main western road, and soon reached it; + riding a part of the way, then alighting and walking on again. He + travelled for a considerable distance upon the roof of a stage-coach, + which came up while he was afoot; and when it turned out of his road, + bribed the driver of a return post-chaise to take him on with him; and + then made across the country at a run, and saved a mile or two before he + struck again into the road. At last, as his plan was, he came up with a + certain lumbering, slow, night-coach, which stopped wherever it could, and + was stopping then at a public-house, while the guard and coachman ate and + drank within. + </p> + <p> + He bargained for a seat outside this coach, and took it. And he quitted it + no more until it was within a few miles of its destination, but occupied + the same place all night. + </p> + <p> + All night! It is a common fancy that nature seems to sleep by night. It is + a false fancy, as who should know better than he? + </p> + <p> + The fishes slumbered in the cold, bright, glistening streams and rivers, + perhaps; and the birds roosted on the branches of the trees; and in their + stalls and pastures beasts were quiet; and human creatures slept. But what + of that, when the solemn night was watching, when it never winked, when + its darkness watched no less than its light! The stately trees, the moon + and shining stars, the softly stirring wind, the over-shadowed lane, the + broad, bright countryside, they all kept watch. There was not a blade of + growing grass or corn, but watched; and the quieter it was, the more + intent and fixed its watch upon him seemed to be. + </p> + <p> + And yet he slept. Riding on among those sentinels of God, he slept, and + did not change the purpose of his journey. If he forgot it in his troubled + dreams, it came up steadily, and woke him. But it never woke him to + remorse, or to abandonment of his design. + </p> + <p> + He dreamed at one time that he was lying calmly in his bed, thinking of a + moonlight night and the noise of wheels, when the old clerk put his head + in at the door, and beckoned him. At this signal he arose immediately—being + already dressed in the clothes he actually wore at that time—and + accompanied him into a strange city, where the names of the streets were + written on the walls in characters quite new to him; which gave him no + surprise or uneasiness, for he remembered in his dream to have been there + before. Although these streets were very precipitous, insomuch that to get + from one to another it was necessary to descend great heights by ladders + that were too short, and ropes that moved deep bells, and swung and swayed + as they were clung to, the danger gave him little emotion beyond the first + thrill of terror; his anxieties being concentrated on his dress which was + quite unfitted for some festival that was about to be holden there, and in + which he had come to take a part. Already, great crowds began to fill the + streets, and in one direction myriads of people came rushing down an + interminable perspective, strewing flowers and making way for others on + white horses, when a terrible figure started from the throng, and cried + out that it was the Last Day for all the world. The cry being spread, + there was a wild hurrying on to Judgment; and the press became so great + that he and his companion (who was constantly changing, and was never the + same man two minutes together, though he never saw one man come or another + go), stood aside in a porch, fearfully surveying the multitude; in which + there were many faces that he knew, and many that he did not know, but + dreamed he did; when all at once a struggling head rose up among the rest—livid + and deadly, but the same as he had known it—and denounced him as + having appointed that direful day to happen. They closed together. As he + strove to free the hand in which he held a club, and strike the blow he + had so often thought of, he started to the knowledge of his waking purpose + and the rising of the sun. + </p> + <p> + The sun was welcome to him. There were life and motion, and a world astir, + to divide the attention of Day. It was the eye of Night—of wakeful, + watchful, silent, and attentive Night, with so much leisure for the + observation of his wicked thoughts—that he dreaded most. There is no + glare in the night. Even Glory shows to small advantage in the night, upon + a crowded battle-field. How then shows Glory’s blood-relation, bastard + Murder! + </p> + <p> + Aye! He made no compromise, and held no secret with himself now. Murder. + He had come to do it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me get down here’ he said + </p> + <p> + ‘Short of the town, eh!’ observed the coachman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I may get down where I please, I suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You got up to please yourself, and may get down to please yourself. It + won’t break our hearts to lose you, and it wouldn’t have broken ‘em if + we’d never found you. Be a little quicker. That’s all.’ + </p> + <p> + The guard had alighted, and was waiting in the road to take his money. In + the jealousy and distrust of what he contemplated, he thought this man + looked at him with more than common curiosity. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you staring at?’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not at a handsome man,’ returned the guard. ‘If you want your fortune + told, I’ll tell you a bit of it. You won’t be drowned. That’s a + consolation for you.’ + </p> + <p> + Before he could retort or turn away, the coachman put an end to the + dialogue by giving him a cut with his whip, and bidding him get out for a + surly dog. The guard jumped up to his seat at the same moment, and they + drove off, laughing; leaving him to stand in the road and shake his fist + at them. He was not displeased though, on second thoughts, to have been + taken for an ill-conditioned common country fellow; but rather + congratulated himself upon it as a proof that he was well disguised. + </p> + <p> + Wandering into a copse by the road-side—but not in that place; two + or three miles off—he tore out from a fence a thick, hard, knotted + stake; and, sitting down beneath a hayrick, spent some time in shaping it, + in peeling off the bark, and fashioning its jagged head with his knife. + </p> + <p> + The day passed on. Noon, afternoon, evening. Sunset. + </p> + <p> + At that serene and peaceful time two men, riding in a gig, came out of the + city by a road not much frequented. It was the day on which Mr Pecksniff + had agreed to dine with Montague. He had kept his appointment, and was now + going home. His host was riding with him for a short distance; meaning to + return by a pleasant track, which Mr Pecksniff had engaged to show him, + through some fields. Jonas knew their plans. He had hung about the + inn-yard while they were at dinner and had heard their orders given. + </p> + <p> + They were loud and merry in their conversation, and might have been heard + at some distance; far above the sound of their carriage wheels or horses’ + hoofs. They came on noisily, to where a stile and footpath indicated their + point of separation. Here they stopped. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s too soon. Much too soon,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘But this is the place, + my dear sir. Keep the path, and go straight through the little wood you’ll + come to. The path is narrower there, but you can’t miss it. When shall I + see you again? Soon I hope?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope so,’ replied Montague. + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good night. And a pleasant ride!’ + </p> + <p> + So long as Mr Pecksniff was in sight, and turned his head at intervals to + salute him, Montague stood in the road smiling, and waving his hand. But + when his new partner had disappeared, and this show was no longer + necessary, he sat down on the stile with looks so altered, that he might + have grown ten years older in the meantime. + </p> + <p> + He was flushed with wine, but not gay. His scheme had succeeded, but he + showed no triumph. The effort of sustaining his difficult part before his + late companion had fatigued him, perhaps, or it may be that the evening + whispered to his conscience, or it may be (as it <i>has </i>been) that a shadowy + veil was dropping round him, closing out all thoughts but the presentiment + and vague foreknowledge of impending doom. + </p> + <p> + If there be fluids, as we know there are, which, conscious of a coming + wind, or rain, or frost, will shrink and strive to hide themselves in + their glass arteries; may not that subtle liquor of the blood perceive, by + properties within itself, that hands are raised to waste and spill it; and + in the veins of men run cold and dull as his did, in that hour! + </p> + <p> + So cold, although the air was warm; so dull, although the sky was bright; + that he rose up shivering from his seat, and hastily resumed his walk. He + checked himself as hastily; undecided whether to pursue the footpath, + which was lonely and retired, or to go back by the road. + </p> + <p> + He took the footpath. + </p> + <p> + The glory of the departing sun was on his face. The music of the birds was + in his ears. Sweet wild flowers bloomed about him. Thatched roofs of poor + men’s homes were in the distance; and an old grey spire, surmounted by a + Cross, rose up between him and the coming night. + </p> + <p> + He had never read the lesson which these things conveyed; he had ever + mocked and turned away from it; but, before going down into a hollow + place, he looked round, once, upon the evening prospect, sorrowfully. Then + he went down, down, down, into the dell. + </p> + <p> + It brought him to the wood; a close, thick, shadowy wood, through which + the path went winding on, dwindling away into a slender sheep-track. He + paused before entering; for the stillness of this spot almost daunted him. + </p> + <p> + The last rays of the sun were shining in, aslant, making a path of golden + light along the stems and branches in its range, which, even as he looked, + began to die away, yielding gently to the twilight that came creeping on. + It was so very quiet that the soft and stealthy moss about the trunks of + some old trees, seemed to have grown out of the silence, and to be its + proper offspring. Those other trees which were subdued by blasts of wind + in winter time, had not quite tumbled down, but being caught by others, + lay all bare and scathed across their leafy arms, as if unwilling to + disturb the general repose by the crash of their fall. Vistas of silence + opened everywhere, into the heart and innermost recesses of the wood; + beginning with the likeness of an aisle, a cloister, or a ruin open to the + sky; then tangling off into a deep green rustling mystery, through which + gnarled trunks, and twisted boughs, and ivy-covered stems, and trembling + leaves, and bark-stripped bodies of old trees stretched out at length, + were faintly seen in beautiful confusion. + </p> + <p> + As the sunlight died away, and evening fell upon the wood, he entered it. + Moving, here and there a bramble or a drooping bough which stretched + across his path, he slowly disappeared. At intervals a narrow opening + showed him passing on, or the sharp cracking of some tender branch denoted + where he went; then, he was seen or heard no more. + </p> + <p> + Never more beheld by mortal eye or heard by mortal ear; one man excepted. + That man, parting the leaves and branches on the other side, near where + the path emerged again, came leaping out soon afterwards. + </p> + <p> + What had he left within the wood, that he sprang out of it as if it were a + hell! + </p> + <p> + The body of a murdered man. In one thick solitary spot, it lay among the + last year’s leaves of oak and beech, just as it had fallen headlong down. + Sopping and soaking in among the leaves that formed its pillow; oozing + down into the boggy ground, as if to cover itself from human sight; + forcing its way between and through the curling leaves, as if those + senseless things rejected and forswore it and were coiled up in + abhorrence; went a dark, dark stain that dyed the whole summer night from + earth to heaven. + </p> + <p> + The doer of this deed came leaping from the wood so fiercely, that he cast + into the air a shower of fragments of young boughs, torn away in his + passage, and fell with violence upon the grass. But he quickly gained his + feet again, and keeping underneath a hedge with his body bent, went + running on towards the road. The road once reached, he fell into a rapid + walk, and set on toward London. + </p> + <p> + And he was not sorry for what he had done. He was frightened when he + thought of it—when did he not think of it!—but he was not + sorry. He had had a terror and dread of the wood when he was in it; but + being out of it, and having committed the crime, his fears were now + diverted, strangely, to the dark room he had left shut up at home. He had + a greater horror, infinitely greater, of that room than of the wood. Now + that he was on his return to it, it seemed beyond comparison more dismal + and more dreadful than the wood. His hideous secret was shut up in the + room, and all its terrors were there; to his thinking it was not in the + wood at all. + </p> + <p> + He walked on for ten miles; and then stopped at an ale-house for a coach, + which he knew would pass through, on its way to London, before long; and + which he also knew was not the coach he had travelled down by, for it came + from another place. He sat down outside the door here, on a bench, beside + a man who was smoking his pipe. Having called for some beer, and drunk, he + offered it to this companion, who thanked him, and took a draught. He + could not help thinking that, if the man had known all, he might scarcely + have relished drinking out of the same cup with him. + </p> + <p> + ‘A fine night, master!’ said this person. ‘And a rare sunset.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t see it,’ was his hasty answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘Didn’t see it?’ returned the man. + </p> + <p> + ‘How the devil could I see it, if I was asleep?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Asleep! Aye, aye.’ The man appeared surprised by his unexpected + irritability, and saying no more, smoked his pipe in silence. They had not + sat very long, when there was a knocking within. + </p> + <p> + ‘What’s that?’ cried Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Can’t say, I’m sure,’ replied the man. + </p> + <p> + He made no further inquiry, for the last question had escaped him in spite + of himself. But he was thinking, at the moment, of the closed-up room; of + the possibility of their knocking at the door on some special occasion; of + their being alarmed at receiving no answer; of their bursting it open; of + their finding the room empty; of their fastening the door into the court, + and rendering it impossible for him to get into the house without showing + himself in the garb he wore, which would lead to rumour, rumour to + detection, detection to death. At that instant, as if by some design and + order of circumstances, the knocking had come. + </p> + <p> + It still continued; like a warning echo of the dread reality he had + conjured up. As he could not sit and hear it, he paid for his beer and + walked on again. And having slunk about, in places unknown to him all day; + and being out at night, in a lonely road, in an unusual dress and in that + wandering and unsettled frame of mind; he stopped more than once to look + about him, hoping he might be in a dream. + </p> + <p> + Still he was not sorry. No. He had hated the man too much, and had been + bent, too desperately and too long, on setting himself free. If the thing + could have come over again, he would have done it again. His malignant and + revengeful passions were not so easily laid. There was no more penitence + or remorse within him now than there had been while the deed was brewing. + </p> + <p> + Dread and fear were upon him, to an extent he had never counted on, and + could not manage in the least degree. He was so horribly afraid of that + infernal room at home. This made him, in a gloomy murderous, mad way, not + only fearful <i>for </i>himself, but <i>of</i> himself; for being, as it were, a part of + the room: a something supposed to be there, yet missing from it: he + invested himself with its mysterious terrors; and when he pictured in his + mind the ugly chamber, false and quiet, false and quiet, through the dark + hours of two nights; and the tumbled bed, and he not in it, though + believed to be; he became in a manner his own ghost and phantom, and was + at once the haunting spirit and the haunted man. + </p> + <p> + When the coach came up, which it soon did, he got a place outside and was + carried briskly onward towards home. Now, in taking his seat among the + people behind, who were chiefly country people, he conceived a fear that + they knew of the murder, and would tell him that the body had been found; + which, considering the time and place of the commission of the crime, were + events almost impossible to have happened yet, as he very well knew. But + although he did know it, and had therefore no reason to regard their + ignorance as anything but the natural sequence to the facts, still this + very ignorance of theirs encouraged him. So far encouraged him, that he + began to believe the body never would be found, and began to speculate on + that probability. Setting off from this point, and measuring time by the + rapid hurry of his guilty thoughts, and what had gone before the + bloodshed, and the troops of incoherent and disordered images of which he + was the constant prey; he came by daylight to regard the murder as an old + murder, and to think himself comparatively safe because it had not been + discovered yet. Yet! When the sun which looked into the wood, and gilded + with its rising light a dead man’s lace, had seen that man alive, and + sought to win him to a thought of Heaven, on its going down last night! + </p> + <p> + But here were London streets again. Hush! + </p> + <p> + It was but five o’clock. He had time enough to reach his own house + unobserved, and before there were many people in the streets, if nothing + had happened so far, tending to his discovery. He slipped down from the + coach without troubling the driver to stop his horses; and hurrying across + the road, and in and out of every by-way that lay near his course, at + length approached his own dwelling. He used additional caution in his + immediate neighbourhood; halting first to look all down the street before + him; then gliding swiftly through that one, and stopping to survey the + next, and so on. + </p> + <p> + The passage-way was empty when his murderer’s face looked into it. He + stole on, to the door on tiptoe, as if he dreaded to disturb his own + imaginary rest. + </p> + <p> + He listened. Not a sound. As he turned the key with a trembling hand, and + pushed the door softly open with his knee, a monstrous fear beset his + mind. + </p> + <p> + What if the murdered man were there before him! + </p> + <p> + He cast a fearful glance all round. But there was nothing there. + </p> + <p> + He went in, locked the door, drew the key through and through the dust and + damp in the fire-place to sully it again, and hung it up as of old. He + took off his disguise, tied it up in a bundle ready for carrying away and + sinking in the river before night, and locked it up in a cupboard. These + precautions taken, he undressed and went to bed. + </p> + <p> + The raging thirst, the fire that burnt within him as he lay beneath the + clothes, the augmented horror of the room when they shut it out from his + view; the agony of listening, in which he paid enforced regard to every + sound, and thought the most unlikely one the prelude to that knocking + which should bring the news; the starts with which he left his couch, and + looking in the glass, imagined that his deed was broadly written in his + face, and lying down and burying himself once more beneath the blankets, + heard his own heart beating Murder, Murder, Murder, in the bed; what words + can paint tremendous truths like these! + </p> + <p> + The morning advanced. There were footsteps in the house. He heard the + blinds drawn up, and shutters opened; and now and then a stealthy tread + outside his own door. He tried to call out, more than once, but his mouth + was dry as if it had been filled with sand. At last he sat up in his bed, + and cried: + </p> + <p> + ‘Who’s there?’ + </p> + <p> + It was his wife. + </p> + <p> + He asked her what it was o’clock? Nine. + </p> + <p> + ‘Did—did no one knock at my door yesterday?’ he faltered. ‘Something + disturbed me; but unless you had knocked the door down, you would have got + no notice from me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No one,’ she replied. That was well. He had waited, almost breathless, + for her answer. It was a relief to him, if anything could be. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Nadgett wanted to see you,’ she said, ‘but I told him you were tired, + and had requested not to be disturbed. He said it was of little + consequence, and went away. As I was opening my window to let in the cool + air, I saw him passing through the street this morning, very early; but he + hasn’t been again.’ + </p> + <p> + Passing through the street that morning? Very early! Jonas trembled at the + thought of having had a narrow chance of seeing him himself; even him, who + had no object but to avoid people, and sneak on unobserved, and keep his + own secrets; and who saw nothing. + </p> + <p> + He called to her to get his breakfast ready, and prepared to go upstairs; + attiring himself in the clothes he had taken off when he came into that + room, which had been, ever since, outside the door. In his secret dread of + meeting the household for the first time, after what he had done, he + lingered at the door on slight pretexts that they might see him without + looking in his face; and left it ajar while he dressed; and called out to + have the windows opened, and the pavement watered, that they might become + accustomed to his voice. Even when he had put off the time, by one means + or other, so that he had seen or spoken to them all, he could not muster + courage for a long while to go in among them, but stood at his own door + listening to the murmur of their distant conversation. + </p> + <p> + He could not stop there for ever, and so joined them. His last glance at + the glass had seen a tell-tale face, but that might have been because of + his anxious looking in it. He dared not look at them to see if they + observed him, but he thought them very silent. + </p> + <p> + And whatsoever guard he kept upon himself, he could not help listening, + and showing that he listened. Whether he attended to their talk, or tried + to think of other things, or talked himself, or held his peace, or + resolutely counted the dull tickings of a hoarse clock at his back, he + always lapsed, as if a spell were on him, into eager listening. For he + knew it must come. And his present punishment, and torture and + distraction, were, to listen for its coming. + </p> + <p> + Hush! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0048" id="link2HCH0048"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT + </h2> + <p> + BEARS TIDINGS OF MARTIN AND OF MARK, AS WELL AS OF A THIRD PERSON NOT + QUITE UNKNOWN TO THE READER. EXHIBITS FILIAL PIETY IN AN UGLY ASPECT; AND + CASTS A DOUBTFUL RAY OF LIGHT UPON A VERY DARK PLACE + </p> + <p> + Tom Pinch and Ruth were sitting at their early breakfast, with the window + open, and a row of the freshest little plants ranged before it on the + inside by Ruth’s own hands; and Ruth had fastened a sprig of geranium in + Tom’s button-hole, to make him very smart and summer-like for the day (it + was obliged to be fastened in, or that dear old Tom was certain to lose + it); and people were crying flowers up and down the street; and a + blundering bee, who had got himself in between the two sashes of the + window, was bruising his head against the glass, endeavouring to force + himself out into the fine morning, and considering himself enchanted + because he couldn’t do it; and the morning was as fine a morning as ever + was seen; and the fragrant air was kissing Ruth and rustling about Tom, as + if it said, ‘how are you, my dears; I came all this way on purpose to + salute you;’ and it was one of those glad times when we form, or ought to + form, the wish that every one on earth were able to be happy, and catching + glimpses of the summer of the heart, to feel the beauty of the summer of + the year. + </p> + <p> + It was even a pleasanter breakfast than usual; and it was always a + pleasant one. For little Ruth had now two pupils to attend, each three + times a week; and each two hours at a time; and besides this, she had + painted some screens and card-racks, and, unknown to Tom (was there ever + anything so delightful!), had walked into a certain shop which dealt in + such articles, after often peeping through the window; and had taken + courage to ask the Mistress of that shop whether she would buy them. And + the mistress had not only bought them, but had ordered more, and that very + morning Ruth had made confession of these facts to Tom, and had handed him + the money in a little purse she had worked expressly for the purpose. They + had been in a flutter about this, and perhaps had shed a happy tear or two + for anything the history knows to the contrary; but it was all over now; + and a brighter face than Tom’s, or a brighter face than Ruth’s, the bright + sun had not looked on since he went to bed last night. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear girl,’ said Tom, coming so abruptly on the subject, that he + interrupted himself in the act of cutting a slice of bread, and left the + knife sticking in the loaf, ‘what a queer fellow our landlord is! I don’t + believe he has been home once since he got me into that unsatisfactory + scrape. I begin to think he will never come home again. What a mysterious + life that man does lead, to be sure!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very strange. Is it not, Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Really,’ said Tom, ‘I hope it is only strange. I hope there may be + nothing wrong in it. Sometimes I begin to be doubtful of that. I must have + an explanation with him,’ said Tom, shaking his head as if this were a + most tremendous threat, ‘when I can catch him!’ + </p> + <p> + A short double knock at the door put Tom’s menacing looks to flight, and + awakened an expression of surprise instead. + </p> + <p> + ‘Heyday!’ said Tom. ‘An early hour for visitors! It must be John, I + suppose.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I—I—don’t think it was his knock, Tom,’ observed his little + sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘No?’ said Tom. ‘It surely can’t be my employer suddenly arrived in town; + directed here by Mr Fips; and come for the key of the office. It’s + somebody inquiring for me, I declare! Come in, if you please!’ + </p> + <p> + But when the person came in, Tom Pinch, instead of saying, ‘Did you wish + to speak with me, sir?’ or, ‘My name is Pinch, sir; what is your business, + may I ask?’ or addressing him in any such distant terms; cried out, ‘Good + gracious Heaven!’ and seized him by both hands, with the liveliest + manifestations of astonishment and pleasure. + </p> + <p> + The visitor was not less moved than Tom himself, and they shook hands a + great many times, without another word being spoken on either side. Tom + was the first to find his voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark Tapley, too!’ said Tom, running towards the door, and shaking hands + with somebody else. ‘My dear Mark, come in. How are you, Mark? He don’t + look a day older than he used to do at the Dragon. How <i>are </i>you, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Uncommonly jolly, sir, thank’ee,’ returned Mr Tapley, all smiles and + bows. ‘I hope I see you well, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good gracious me!’ cried Tom, patting him tenderly on the back. ‘How + delightful it is to hear his old voice again! My dear Martin, sit down. My + sister, Martin. Mr Chuzzlewit, my love. Mark Tapley from the Dragon, my + dear. Good gracious me, what a surprise this is! Sit down. Lord, bless + me!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was in such a state of excitement that he couldn’t keep himself still + for a moment, but was constantly running between Mark and Martin, shaking + hands with them alternately, and presenting them over and over again to + his sister. + </p> + <p> + ‘I remember the day we parted, Martin, as well as if it were yesterday,’ + said Tom. ‘What a day it was! and what a passion you were in! And don’t + you remember my overtaking you in the road that morning, Mark, when I was + going to Salisbury in the gig to fetch him, and you were looking out for a + situation? And don’t you recollect the dinner we had at Salisbury, Martin, + with John Westlock, eh! Good gracious me! Ruth, my dear, Mr Chuzzlewit. + Mark Tapley, my love, from the Dragon. More cups and saucers, if you + please. Bless my soul, how glad I am to see you both!’ + </p> + <p> + And then Tom (as John Westlock had done on his arrival) ran off to the + loaf to cut some bread and butter for them; and before he had spread a + single slice, remembered something else, and came running back again to + tell it; and then he shook hands with them again; and then he introduced + his sister again; and then he did everything he had done already all over + again; and nothing Tom could do, and nothing Tom could say, was half + sufficient to express his joy at their safe return. + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley was the first to resume his composure. In a very short space of + time he was discovered to have somehow installed himself in office as + waiter, or attendant upon the party; a fact which was first suggested to + them by his temporary absence in the kitchen, and speedy return with a + kettle of boiling water, from which he replenished the tea-pot with a + self-possession that was quite his own. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sit down, and take your breakfast, Mark,’ said Tom. ‘Make him sit down + and take his breakfast, Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! I gave him up, long ago, as incorrigible,’ Martin replied. ‘He takes + his own way, Tom. You would excuse him, Miss Pinch, if you knew his + value.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She knows it, bless you!’ said Tom. ‘I have told her all about Mark + Tapley. Have I not, Ruth?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not all,’ returned Martin, in a low voice. ‘The best of Mark Tapley is + only known to one man, Tom; and but for Mark he would hardly be alive to + tell it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mark!’ said Tom Pinch energetically; ‘if you don’t sit down this minute, + I’ll swear at you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ returned Mr Tapley, ‘sooner than you should do that, I’ll + com-ply. It’s a considerable invasion of a man’s jollity to be made so + partickler welcome, but a Werb is a word as signifies to be, to do, or to + suffer (which is all the grammar, and enough too, as ever I wos taught); + and if there’s a Werb alive, I’m it. For I’m always a-bein’, sometimes + a-doin’, and continually a-sufferin’.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not jolly yet?’ asked Tom, with a smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I was rather so, over the water, sir,’ returned Mr Tapley; ‘and not + entirely without credit. But Human Natur’ is in a conspiracy again’ me; I + can’t get on. I shall have to leave it in my will, sir, to be wrote upon + my tomb: “He was a man as might have come out strong if he could have got + a chance. But it was denied him.”’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley took this occasion of looking about him with a grin, and + subsequently attacking the breakfast, with an appetite not at all + expressive of blighted hopes, or insurmountable despondency. + </p> + <p> + In the meanwhile, Martin drew his chair a little nearer to Tom and his + sister, and related to them what had passed at Mr Pecksniff’s house; + adding in few words a general summary of the distresses and + disappointments he had undergone since he left England. + </p> + <p> + ‘For your faithful stewardship in the trust I left with you, Tom,’ he + said, ‘and for all your goodness and disinterestedness, I can never thank + you enough. When I add Mary’s thanks to mine—’ + </p> + <p> + Ah, Tom! The blood retreated from his cheeks, and came rushing back, so + violently, that it was pain to feel it; ease though, ease, compared with + the aching of his wounded heart. + </p> + <p> + ‘When I add Mary’s thanks to mine,’ said Martin, ‘I have made the only + poor acknowledgment it is in our power to offer; but if you knew how much + we feel, Tom, you would set some store by it, I am sure.’ + </p> + <p> + And if they had known how much Tom felt—but that no human creature + ever knew—they would have set some store by him. Indeed they would. + </p> + <p> + Tom changed the topic of discourse. He was sorry he could not pursue it, + as it gave Martin pleasure; but he was unable, at that moment. No drop of + envy or bitterness was in his soul; but he could not master the firm + utterance of her name. + </p> + <p> + He inquired what Martin’s projects were. + </p> + <p> + ‘No longer to make your fortune, Tom,’ said Martin, ‘but to try to live. I + tried that once in London, Tom; and failed. If you will give me the + benefit of your advice and friendly counsel, I may succeed better under + your guidance. I will do anything Tom, anything, to gain a livelihood by + my own exertions. My hopes do not soar above that, now.’ + </p> + <p> + High-hearted, noble Tom! Sorry to find the pride of his old companion + humbled, and to hear him speaking in this altered strain at once, at once, + he drove from his breast the inability to contend with its deep emotions, + and spoke out bravely. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your hopes do not soar above that!’ cried Tom. ‘Yes they do. How can you + talk so! They soar up to the time when you will be happy with her, Martin. + They soar up to the time when you will be able to claim her, Martin. They + soar up to the time when you will not be able to believe that you were + ever cast down in spirit, or poor in pocket, Martin. Advice, and friendly + counsel! Why, of course. But you shall have better advice and counsel + (though you cannot have more friendly) than mine. You shall consult John + Westlock. We’ll go there immediately. It is yet so early that I shall have + time to take you to his chambers before I go to business; they are in my + way; and I can leave you there, to talk over your affairs with him. So + come along. Come along. I am a man of occupation now, you know,’ said Tom, + with his pleasantest smile; ‘and have no time to lose. Your hopes don’t + soar higher than that? I dare say they don’t. I know you, pretty well. + They’ll be soaring out of sight soon, Martin, and leaving all the rest of + us leagues behind.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye! But I may be a little changed,’ said Martin, ‘since you knew me + pretty well, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What nonsense!’ exclaimed Tom. ‘Why should you be changed? You talk as if + you were an old man. I never heard such a fellow! Come to John Westlock’s, + come. Come along, Mark Tapley. It’s Mark’s doing, I have no doubt; and it + serves you right for having such a grumbler for your companion.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s no credit to be got through being jolly with <i>you</i>, Mr Pinch, + anyways,’ said Mark, with his face all wrinkled up with grins. ‘A parish + doctor might be jolly with you. There’s nothing short of goin’ to the + U-nited States for a second trip, as would make it at all creditable to be + jolly, arter seein’ you again!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom laughed, and taking leave of his sister, hurried Mark and Martin out + into the street, and away to John Westlock’s by the nearest road; for his + hour of business was very near at hand, and he prided himself on always + being exact to his time. + </p> + <p> + John Westlock was at home, but, strange to say, was rather embarrassed to + see them; and when Tom was about to go into the room where he was + breakfasting, said he had a stranger there. It appeared to be a mysterious + stranger, for John shut that door as he said it, and led them into the + next room. + </p> + <p> + He was very much delighted, though, to see Mark Tapley; and received + Martin with his own frank courtesy. But Martin felt that he did not + inspire John Westlock with any unusual interest; and twice or thrice + observed that he looked at Tom Pinch doubtfully; not to say + compassionately. He thought, and blushed to think, that he knew the cause + of this. + </p> + <p> + ‘I apprehend you are engaged,’ said Martin, when Tom had announced the + purport of their visit. ‘If you will allow me to come again at your own + time, I shall be glad to do so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I <i>am</i> engaged,’ replied John, with some reluctance; ‘but the matter on + which I am engaged is one, to say the truth, more immediately demanding + your knowledge than mine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed!’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘It relates to a member of your family, and is of a serious nature. If you + will have the kindness to remain here, it will be a satisfaction to me to + have it privately communicated to you, in order that you may judge of its + importance for yourself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And in the meantime,’ said Tom, ‘I must really take myself off, without + any further ceremony.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is your business so very particular,’ asked Martin, ‘that you cannot + remain with us for half an hour? I wish you could. What <i>is</i> your business, + Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + It was Tom’s turn to be embarrassed now; but he plainly said, after a + little hesitation: + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I am not at liberty to say what it is, Martin; though I hope soon to + be in a condition to do so, and am aware of no other reason to prevent my + doing so now, than the request of my employer. It’s an awkward position to + be placed in,’ said Tom, with an uneasy sense of seeming to doubt his + friend, ‘as I feel every day; but I really cannot help it, can I, John?’ + </p> + <p> + John Westlock replied in the negative; and Martin, expressing himself + perfectly satisfied, begged them not to say another word; though he could + not help wondering very much what curious office Tom held, and why he was + so secret, and embarrassed, and unlike himself, in reference to it. Nor + could he help reverting to it, in his own mind, several times after Tom + went away, which he did as soon as this conversation was ended, taking Mr + Tapley with him, who, as he laughingly said, might accompany him as far as + Fleet Street without injury. + </p> + <p> + ‘And what do you mean to do, Mark?’ asked Tom, as they walked on together. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mean to do, sir?’ returned Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye. What course of life do you mean to pursue?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ said Mr Tapley. ‘The fact is, that I have been a-thinking + rather of the matrimonial line, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You don’t say so, Mark!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. I’ve been a-turnin’ of it over.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And who is the lady, Mark?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The which, sir?’ said Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘The lady. Come! You know what I said,’ replied Tom, laughing, ‘as well as + I do!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley suppressed his own inclination to laugh; and with one of his + most whimsically-twisted looks, replied: + </p> + <p> + ‘You couldn’t guess, I suppose, Mr Pinch?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How is it possible?’ said Tom. ‘I don’t know any of your flames, Mark. + Except Mrs Lupin, indeed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir!’ retorted Mr Tapley. ‘And supposing it was her!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom stopping in the street to look at him, Mr Tapley for a moment + presented to his view an utterly stolid and expressionless face; a perfect + dead wall of countenance. But opening window after window in it with + astonishing rapidity, and lighting them all up as for a general + illumination, he repeated: + </p> + <p> + ‘Supposin’, for the sake of argument, as it was her, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why I thought such a connection wouldn’t suit you, Mark, on any terms!’ + cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir! I used to think so myself, once,’ said Mark. ‘But I ain’t so + clear about it now. A dear, sweet creetur, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A dear, sweet creature? To be sure she is,’ cried Tom. ‘But she always + was a dear, sweet creature, was she not?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Was </i>she not!’ assented Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then why on earth didn’t you marry her at first, Mark, instead of + wandering abroad, and losing all this time, and leaving her alone by + herself, liable to be courted by other people?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ retorted Mr Tapley, in a spirit of unbounded confidence, ‘I’ll + tell you how it come about. You know me, Mr Pinch, sir; there ain’t a + gentleman alive as knows me better. You’re acquainted with my + constitution, and you’re acquainted with my weakness. My constitution is, + to be jolly; and my weakness is, to wish to find a credit in it. Wery + good, sir. In this state of mind, I gets a notion in my head that she + looks on me with a eye of—with what you may call a favourable sort + of a eye in fact,’ said Mr Tapley, with modest hesitation. + </p> + <p> + ‘No doubt,’ replied Tom. ‘We knew that perfectly well when we spoke on + this subject long ago; before you left the Dragon.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley nodded assent. ‘Well, sir! But bein’ at that time full of + hopeful wisions, I arrives at the conclusion that no credit is to be got + out of such a way of life as that, where everything agreeable would be + ready to one’s hand. Lookin’ on the bright side of human life in short, + one of my hopeful wisions is, that there’s a deal of misery awaitin’ for + me; in the midst of which I may come out tolerable strong, and be jolly + under circumstances as reflects some credit. I goes into the world, sir, + wery boyant, and I tries this. I goes aboard ship first, and wery soon + discovers (by the ease with which I’m jolly, mind you) as there’s no + credit to be got <i>there</i>. I might have took warning by this, and gave it up; + but I didn’t. I gets to the U-nited States; and then I <i>do</i> begin, I won’t + deny it, to feel some little credit in sustaining my spirits. What + follows? Jest as I’m a-beginning to come out, and am a-treadin’ on the + werge, my master deceives me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Deceives you!’ cried Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘Swindles me,’ retorted Mr Tapley with a beaming face. ‘Turns his back on + everything as made his service a creditable one, and leaves me high and + dry, without a leg to stand upon. In which state I returns home. Wery + good. Then all my hopeful wisions bein’ crushed; and findin’ that there + ain’t no credit for me nowhere; I abandons myself to despair, and says, + “Let me do that as has the least credit in it of all; marry a dear, sweet + creetur, as is wery fond of me; me bein’, at the same time, wery fond of + her; lead a happy life, and struggle no more again’ the blight which + settles on my prospects.”’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If your philosophy, Mark,’ said Tom, who laughed heartily at this speech, + ‘be the oddest I ever heard of, it is not the least wise. Mrs Lupin has + said “yes,” of course?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, no, sir,’ replied Mr Tapley; ‘she hasn’t gone so far as that yet. + Which I attribute principally to my not havin’ asked her. But we was wery + agreeable together—comfortable, I may say—the night I come + home. It’s all right, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Tom, stopping at the Temple Gate. ‘I wish you joy, Mark, with + all my heart. I shall see you again to-day, I dare say. Good-bye for the + present.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good-bye, sir! Good-bye, Mr Pinch!’ he added by way of soliloquy, as he + stood looking after him. ‘Although you <i>are </i>a damper to a honourable + ambition. You little think it, but you was the first to dash my hopes. + Pecksniff would have built me up for life, but your sweet temper pulled me + down. Good-bye, Mr Pinch!’ + </p> + <p> + While these confidences were interchanged between Tom Pinch and Mark, + Martin and John Westlock were very differently engaged. They were no + sooner left alone together than Martin said, with an effort he could not + disguise: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Westlock, we have met only once before, but you have known Tom a long + while, and that seems to render you familiar to me. I cannot talk freely + with you on any subject unless I relieve my mind of what oppresses it just + now. I see with pain that you so far mistrust me that you think me likely + to impose on Tom’s regardlessness of himself, or on his kind nature, or + some of his good qualities.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I had no intention,’ replied John, ‘of conveying any such impression to + you, and am exceedingly sorry to have done so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But you entertain it?’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You ask me so pointedly and directly,’ returned the other, ‘that I cannot + deny the having accustomed myself to regard you as one who, not in + wantonness but in mere thoughtlessness of character, did not sufficiently + consider his nature and did not quite treat it as it deserves to be + treated. It is much easier to slight than to appreciate Tom Pinch.’ + </p> + <p> + This was not said warmly, but was energetically spoken too; for there was + no subject in the world (but one) on which the speaker felt so strongly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I grew into the knowledge of Tom,’ he pursued, ‘as I grew towards + manhood; and I have learned to love him as something, infinitely better + than myself. I did not think that you understood him when we met before. I + did not think that you greatly cared to understand him. The instances of + this which I observed in you were, like my opportunities for observation, + very trivial—and were very harmless, I dare say. But they were not + agreeable to me, and they forced themselves upon me; for I was not upon + the watch for them, believe me. You will say,’ added John, with a smile, + as he subsided into more of his accustomed manner, ‘that I am not by any + means agreeable to you. I can only assure you, in reply, that I would not + have originated this topic on any account.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I originated it,’ said Martin; ‘and so far from having any complaint to + make against you, highly esteem the friendship you entertain for Tom, and + the very many proofs you have given him of it. Why should I endeavour to + conceal from you’—he coloured deeply though—‘that I neither + understood him nor cared to understand him when I was his companion; and + that I am very truly sorry for it now!’ + </p> + <p> + It was so sincerely said, at once so modestly and manfully, that John + offered him his hand as if he had not done so before; and Martin giving + his in the same open spirit, all constraint between the young men + vanished. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now pray,’ said John, ‘when I tire your patience very much in what I am + going to say, recollect that it has an end to it, and that the end is the + point of the story.’ + </p> + <p> + With this preface, he related all the circumstances connected with his + having presided over the illness and slow recovery of the patient at the + Bull; and tacked on to the skirts of that narrative Tom’s own account of + the business on the wharf. Martin was not a little puzzled when he came to + an end, for the two stories seemed to have no connection with each other, + and to leave him, as the phrase is, all abroad. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you will excuse me for one moment,’ said John, rising, ‘I will beg you + almost immediately to come into the next room.’ + </p> + <p> + Upon that, he left Martin to himself, in a state of considerable + astonishment; and soon came back again to fulfil his promise. Accompanying + him into the next room, Martin found there a third person; no doubt the + stranger of whom his host had spoken when Tom Pinch introduced him. + </p> + <p> + He was a young man; with deep black hair and eyes. He was gaunt and pale; + and evidently had not long recovered from a severe illness. He stood as + Martin entered, but sat again at John’s desire. His eyes were cast + downward; and but for one glance at them both, half in humiliation and + half in entreaty, he kept them so, and sat quite still and silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘This person’s name is Lewsome,’ said John Westlock, ‘whom I have + mentioned to you as having been seized with an illness at the inn near + here, and undergone so much. He has had a very hard time of it, ever since + he began to recover; but, as you see, he is now doing well.’ + </p> + <p> + As he did not move or speak, and John Westlock made a pause, Martin, not + knowing what to say, said that he was glad to hear it. + </p> + <p> + ‘The short statement that I wish you to hear from his own lips, Mr + Chuzzlewit,’ John pursued—looking attentively at him, and not at + Martin—‘he made to me for the first time yesterday, and repeated to + me this morning, without the least variation of any essential particular. + I have already told you that he informed me before he was removed from the + Inn, that he had a secret to disclose to me which lay heavy on his mind. + But, fluctuating between sickness and health and between his desire to + relieve himself of it, and his dread of involving himself by revealing it, + he has, until yesterday, avoided the disclosure. I never pressed him for + it (having no idea of its weight or import, or of my right to do so), + until within a few days past; when, understanding from him, on his own + voluntary avowal, in a letter from the country, that it related to a + person whose name was Jonas Chuzzlewit; and thinking that it might throw + some light on that little mystery which made Tom anxious now and then; I + urged the point upon him, and heard his statement, as you will now, from + his own lips. It is due to him to say, that in the apprehension of death, + he committed it to writing sometime since, and folded it in a sealed + paper, addressed to me; which he could not resolve, however, to place of + his own act in my hands. He has the paper in his breast, I believe, at + this moment.’ + </p> + <p> + The young man touched it hastily; in corroboration of the fact. + </p> + <p> + ‘It will be well to leave that in our charge, perhaps,’ said John. ‘But do + not mind it now.’ + </p> + <p> + As he said this, he held up his hand to bespeak Martin’s attention. It was + already fixed upon the man before him, who, after a short silence said, in + a low, weak, hollow voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘What relation was Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit, who—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘—Who died—to me?’ said Martin. ‘He was my grandfather’s + brother.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I fear he was made away with. Murdered!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My God!’ said Martin. ‘By whom?’ + </p> + <p> + The young man, Lewsome, looked up in his face, and casting down his eyes + again, replied: + </p> + <p> + ‘I fear, by me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘By you?’ cried Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not by my act, but I fear by my means.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Speak out!’ said Martin, ‘and speak the truth.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I fear this <i>is</i> the truth.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was about to interrupt him again, but John Westlock saying softly, + ‘Let him tell his story in his own way,’ Lewsome went on thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been bred a surgeon, and for the last few years have served a + general practitioner in the City, as his assistant. While I was in his + employment I became acquainted with Jonas Chuzzlewit. He is the principal + in this deed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean?’ demanded Martin, sternly. ‘Do you know he is the son + of the old man of whom you have spoken?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I do,’ he answered. + </p> + <p> + He remained silent for some moments, when he resumed at the point where he + had left off. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have reason to know it; for I have often heard him wish his old father + dead, and complain of his being wearisome to him, and a drag upon him. He + was in the habit of doing so, at a place of meeting we had—three or + four of us—at night. There was no good in the place you may suppose, + when you hear that he was the chief of the party. I wish I had died + myself, and never seen it!’ + </p> + <p> + He stopped again; and again resumed as before. + </p> + <p> + ‘We met to drink and game; not for large sums, but for sums that were + large to us. He generally won. Whether or no, he lent money at interest to + those who lost; and in this way, though I think we all secretly hated him, + he came to be the master of us. To propitiate him we made a jest of his + father; it began with his debtors; I was one; and we used to toast a + quicker journey to the old man, and a swift inheritance to the young one.’ + </p> + <p> + He paused again. + </p> + <p> + ‘One night he came there in a very bad humour. He had been greatly tried, + he said, by the old man that day. He and I were alone together; and he + angrily told me, that the old man was in his second childhood; that he was + weak, imbecile, and drivelling; as unbearable to himself as he was to + other people; and that it would be a charity to put him out of the way. He + swore that he had often thought of mixing something with the stuff he took + for his cough, which should help him to die easily. People were sometimes + smothered who were bitten by mad dogs, he said; and why not help these + lingering old men out of their troubles too? He looked full at me as he + said so, and I looked full at him; but it went no farther that night.’ + </p> + <p> + He stopped once more, and was silent for so long an interval that John + Westlock said ‘Go on.’ Martin had never removed his eyes from his face, + but was so absorbed in horror and astonishment that he could not speak. + </p> + <p> + ‘It may have been a week after that, or it may have been less or more—the + matter was in my mind all the time, but I cannot recollect the time, as I + should any other period—when he spoke to me again. We were alone + then, too; being there before the usual hour of assembling. There was no + appointment between us; but I think I went there to meet him, and I know + he came there to meet me. He was there first. He was reading a newspaper + when I went in, and nodded to me without looking up, or leaving off + reading. I sat down opposite and close to him. He said, immediately, that + he wanted me to get him some of two sorts of drugs. One that was + instantaneous in its effect; of which he wanted very little. One that was + slow and not suspicious in appearance; of which he wanted more. While he + was speaking to me he still read the newspaper. He said “Drugs,” and never + used any other word. Neither did I.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘This all agrees with what I have heard before,’ observed John Westlock. + </p> + <p> + ‘I asked him what he wanted the drugs for? He said for no harm; to physic + cats; what did it matter to me? I was going out to a distant colony (I had + recently got the appointment, which, as Mr Westlock knows, I have since + lost by my sickness, and which was my only hope of salvation from ruin), + and what did it matter to me? He could get them without my aid at half a + hundred places, but not so easily as he could get them of me. This was + true. He might not want them at all, he said, and he had no present idea + of using them; but he wished to have them by him. All this time he still + read the newspaper. We talked about the price. He was to forgive me a + small debt—I was quite in his power—and to pay me five pounds; + and there the matter dropped, through others coming in. But, next night, + under exactly similar circumstances, I gave him the drugs, on his saying I + was a fool to think that he should ever use them for any harm; and he gave + me the money. We have never met since. I only know that the poor old + father died soon afterwards, just as he would have died from this cause; + and that I have undergone, and suffer now, intolerable misery. Nothing’ he + added, stretching out his hands, ‘can paint my misery! It is well + deserved, but nothing can paint it.’ + </p> + <p> + With that he hung his head, and said no more, wasted and wretched, he was + not a creature upon whom to heap reproaches that were unavailing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let him remain at hand,’ said Martin, turning from him; ‘but out of + sight, in Heaven’s name!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He will remain here,’ John whispered. ‘Come with me!’ Softly turning the + key upon him as they went out, he conducted Martin into the adjoining + room, in which they had been before. + </p> + <p> + Martin was so amazed, so shocked, and confounded by what he had heard that + it was some time before he could reduce it to any order in his mind, or + could sufficiently comprehend the bearing of one part upon another, to + take in all the details at one view. When he, at length, had the whole + narrative clearly before him, John Westlock went on to point out the great + probability of the guilt of Jonas being known to other people, who traded + in it for their own benefit, and who were, by such means, able to exert + that control over him which Tom Pinch had accidentally witnessed, and + unconsciously assisted. This appeared so plain, that they agreed upon it + without difficulty; but instead of deriving the least assistance from this + source, they found that it embarrassed them the more. + </p> + <p> + They knew nothing of the real parties who possessed this power. The only + person before them was Tom’s landlord. They had no right to question Tom’s + landlord, even if they could find him, which, according to Tom’s account, + it would not be easy to do. And granting that they did question him, and + he answered (which was taking a good deal for granted), he had only to + say, with reference to the adventure on the wharf, that he had been sent + from such and such a place to summon Jonas back on urgent business, and + there was an end of it. + </p> + <p> + Besides, there was the great difficulty and responsibility of moving at + all in the matter. Lewsome’s story might be false; in his wretched state + it might be greatly heightened by a diseased brain; or admitting it to be + entirely true, the old man might have died a natural death. Mr Pecksniff + had been there at the time; as Tom immediately remembered, when he came + back in the afternoon, and shared their counsels; and there had been no + secrecy about it. Martin’s grandfather was of right the person to decide + upon the course that should be taken; but to get at his views would be + impossible, for Mr Pecksniff’s views were certain to be his. And the + nature of Mr Pecksniff’s views in reference to his own son-in-law might be + easily reckoned upon. + </p> + <p> + Apart from these considerations, Martin could not endure the thought of + seeming to grasp at this unnatural charge against his relative, and using + it as a stepping-stone to his grandfather’s favour. But that he would seem + to do so, if he presented himself before his grandfather in Mr Pecksniff’s + house again, for the purpose of declaring it; and that Mr Pecksniff, of + all men, would represent his conduct in that despicable light, he + perfectly well knew. On the other hand to be in possession of such a + statement, and take no measures of further inquiry in reference to it, was + tantamount to being a partner in the guilt it professed to disclose. + </p> + <p> + In a word, they were wholly unable to discover any outlet from this maze + of difficulty, which did not lie through some perplexed and entangled + thicket. And although Mr Tapley was promptly taken into their confidence; + and the fertile imagination of that gentleman suggested many bold + expedients, which, to do him justice, he was quite ready to carry into + instant operation on his own personal responsibility; still ‘bating the + general zeal of Mr Tapley’s nature, nothing was made particularly clearer + by these offers of service. + </p> + <p> + It was in this position of affairs that Tom’s account of the strange + behaviour of the decayed clerk, on the night of the tea-party, became of + great moment, and finally convinced them that to arrive at a more accurate + knowledge of the workings of that old man’s mind and memory, would be to + take a most important stride in their pursuit of the truth. So, having + first satisfied themselves that no communication had ever taken place + between Lewsome and Mr Chuffey (which would have accounted at once for any + suspicions the latter might entertain), they unanimously resolved that the + old clerk was the man they wanted. + </p> + <p> + But, like the unanimous resolution of a public meeting, which will + oftentimes declare that this or that grievance is not to be borne a moment + longer, which is nevertheless borne for a century or two afterwards, + without any modification, they only reached in this the conclusion that + they were all of one mind. For it was one thing to want Mr Chuffey, and + another thing to get at him; and to do that without alarming him, or + without alarming Jonas, or without being discomfited by the difficulty of + striking, in an instrument so out of tune and so unused, the note they + sought, was an end as far from their reach as ever. + </p> + <p> + The question then became, who of those about the old clerk had had most + influence with him that night? Tom said his young mistress clearly. But + Tom and all of them shrunk from the thought of entrapping her, and making + her the innocent means of bringing retribution on her cruel husband. Was + there nobody else? Why yes. In a very different way, Tom said, he was + influenced by Mrs Gamp, the nurse; who had once had the control of him, as + he understood, for some time. + </p> + <p> + They caught at this immediately. Here was a new way out, developed in a + quarter until then overlooked. John Westlock knew Mrs Gamp; he had given + her employment; he was acquainted with her place of residence: for that + good lady had obligingly furnished him, at parting, with a pack of her + professional cards for general distribution. It was decided that Mrs Gamp + should be approached with caution, but approached without delay; and that + the depths of that discreet matron’s knowledge of Mr Chuffey, and means of + bringing them, or one of them, into communication with him, should be + carefully sounded. + </p> + <p> + On this service, Martin and John Westlock determined to proceed that + night; waiting on Mrs Gamp first, at her lodgings; and taking their chance + of finding her in the repose of private life, or of having to seek her + out, elsewhere, in the exercise of her professional duties. Tom returned + home, that he might lose no opportunity of having an interview with + Nadgett, by being absent in the event of his reappearance. And Mr Tapley + remained (by his own particular desire) for the time being in Furnival’s + Inn, to look after Lewsome; who might safely have been left to himself, + however, for any thought he seemed to entertain of giving them the slip. + </p> + <p> + Before they parted on their several errands, they caused him to read + aloud, in the presence of them all, the paper which he had about him, and + the declaration he had attached to it, which was to the effect that he had + written it voluntarily, in the fear of death and in the torture of his + mind. And when he had done so, they all signed it, and taking it from him, + of his free will, locked it in a place of safety. + </p> + <p> + Martin also wrote, by John’s advice, a letter to the trustees of the + famous Grammar School, boldly claiming the successful design as his, and + charging Mr Pecksniff with the fraud he had committed. In this proceeding + also, John was hotly interested; observing, with his usual irreverance, + that Mr Pecksniff had been a successful rascal all his life through, and + that it would be a lasting source of happiness to him (John) if he could + help to do him justice in the smallest particular. + </p> + <p> + A busy day! But Martin had no lodgings yet; so when these matters were + disposed of, he excused himself from dining with John Westlock and was + fain to wander out alone, and look for some. He succeeded, after great + trouble, in engaging two garrets for himself and Mark, situated in a court + in the Strand, not far from Temple Bar. Their luggage, which was waiting + for them at a coach-office, he conveyed to this new place of refuge; and + it was with a glow of satisfaction, which as a selfish man he never could + have known and never had, that, thinking how much pains and trouble he had + saved Mark, and how pleased and astonished Mark would be, he afterwards + walked up and down, in the Temple, eating a meat-pie for his dinner. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0049" id="link2HCH0049"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FORTY-NINE + </h2> + <p> + IN WHICH MRS HARRIS ASSISTED BY A TEAPOT, IS THE CAUSE OF A DIVISION + BETWEEN FRIENDS + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp’s apartment in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, wore, + metaphorically speaking, a robe of state. It was swept and garnished for + the reception of a visitor. That visitor was Betsey Prig; Mrs Prig, of + Bartlemy’s; or as some said Barklemy’s, or as some said Bardlemy’s; for by + all these endearing and familiar appellations, had the hospital of Saint + Bartholomew become a household word among the sisterhood which Betsey Prig + adorned. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp’s apartment was not a spacious one, but, to a contented mind, a + closet is a palace; and the first-floor front at Mr Sweedlepipe’s may have + been, in the imagination of Mrs Gamp, a stately pile. If it were not + exactly that, to restless intellects, it at least comprised as much + accommodation as any person, not sanguine to insanity, could have looked + for in a room of its dimensions. For only keep the bedstead always in your + mind; and you were safe. That was the grand secret. Remembering the + bedstead, you might even stoop to look under the little round table for + anything you had dropped, without hurting yourself much against the chest + of drawers, or qualifying as a patient of Saint Bartholomew, by falling + into the fire. + </p> + <p> + Visitors were much assisted in their cautious efforts to preserve an + unflagging recollection of this piece of furniture, by its size; which was + great. It was not a turn-up bedstead, nor yet a French bedstead, nor yet a + four-post bedstead, but what is poetically called a tent; the sacking + whereof was low and bulgy, insomuch that Mrs Gamp’s box would not go under + it, but stopped half-way, in a manner which, while it did violence to the + reason, likewise endangered the legs of a stranger. The frame too, which + would have supported the canopy and hangings if there had been any, was + ornamented with divers pippins carved in timber, which on the slightest + provocation, and frequently on none at all, came tumbling down; harassing + the peaceful guest with inexplicable terrors. + </p> + <p> + The bed itself was decorated with a patchwork quilt of great antiquity; + and at the upper end, upon the side nearest to the door, hung a scanty + curtain of blue check, which prevented the Zephyrs that were abroad in + Kingsgate Street, from visiting Mrs Gamp’s head too roughly. Some rusty + gowns and other articles of that lady’s wardrobe depended from the posts; + and these had so adapted themselves by long usage to her figure, that more + than one impatient husband coming in precipitately, at about the time of + twilight, had been for an instant stricken dumb by the supposed discovery + that Mrs Gamp had hanged herself. One gentleman, coming on the usual hasty + errand, had said indeed, that they looked like guardian angels ‘watching + of her in her sleep.’ But that, as Mrs Gamp said, ‘was his first;’ and he + never repeated the sentiment, though he often repeated his visit. + </p> + <p> + The chairs in Mrs Gamp’s apartment were extremely large and broad-backed, + which was more than a sufficient reason for there being but two in number. + They were both elbow-chairs, of ancient mahogany; and were chiefly + valuable for the slippery nature of their seats, which had been originally + horsehair, but were now covered with a shiny substance of a bluish tint, + from which the visitor began to slide away with a dismayed countenance, + immediately after sitting down. What Mrs Gamp wanted in chairs she made up + in bandboxes; of which she had a great collection, devoted to the + reception of various miscellaneous valuables, which were not, however, as + well protected as the good woman, by a pleasant fiction, seemed to think; + for, though every bandbox had a carefully closed lid, not one among them + had a bottom; owing to which cause the property within was merely, as it + were, extinguished. The chest of drawers having been originally made to + stand upon the top of another chest, had a dwarfish, elfin look, alone; + but in regard of its security it had a great advantage over the bandboxes, + for as all the handles had been long ago pulled off, it was very difficult + to get at its contents. This indeed was only to be done by one or two + devices; either by tilting the whole structure forward until all the + drawers fell out together, or by opening them singly with knives, like + oysters. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp stored all her household matters in a little cupboard by the + fire-place; beginning below the surface (as in nature) with the coals, and + mounting gradually upwards to the spirits, which, from motives of + delicacy, she kept in a teapot. The chimney-piece was ornamented with a + small almanack, marked here and there in Mrs Gamp’s own hand with a + memorandum of the date at which some lady was expected to fall due. It was + also embellished with three profiles: one, in colours, of Mrs Gamp herself + in early life; one, in bronze, of a lady in feathers, supposed to be Mrs + Harris, as she appeared when dressed for a ball; and one, in black, of Mr + Gamp, deceased. The last was a full length, in order that the likeness + might be rendered more obvious and forcible by the introduction of the + wooden leg. + </p> + <p> + A pair of bellows, a pair of pattens, a toasting-fork, a kettle, a + pap-boat, a spoon for the administration of medicine to the refractory, + and lastly, Mrs Gamp’s umbrella, which as something of great price and + rarity, was displayed with particular ostentation, completed the + decorations of the chimney-piece and adjacent wall. Towards these objects + Mrs Gamp raised her eyes in satisfaction when she had arranged the + tea-board, and had concluded her arrangements for the reception of Betsey + Prig, even unto the setting forth of two pounds of Newcastle salmon, + intensely pickled. + </p> + <p> + ‘There! Now drat you, Betsey, don’t be long!’ said Mrs Gamp, + apostrophizing her absent friend. ‘For I can’t abear to wait, I do assure + you. To wotever place I goes, I sticks to this one mortar, “I’m easy + pleased; it is but little as I wants; but I must have that little of the + best, and to the minute when the clock strikes, else we do not part as I + could wish, but bearin’ malice in our arts.”’ + </p> + <p> + Her own preparations were of the best, for they comprehended a delicate + new loaf, a plate of fresh butter, a basin of fine white sugar, and other + arrangements on the same scale. Even the snuff with which she now + refreshed herself, was so choice in quality that she took a second pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s the little bell a-ringing now,’ said Mrs Gamp, hurrying to the + stair-head and looking over. ‘Betsey Prig, my—why it’s that there + disapintin’ Sweedlepipes, I do believe.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, it’s me,’ said the barber in a faint voice; ‘I’ve just come in.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re always a-comin’ in, I think,’ muttered Mrs Gamp to herself, + ‘except wen you’re a-goin’ out. I ha’n’t no patience with that man!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Gamp,’ said the barber. ‘I say! Mrs Gamp!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well,’ cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs. ‘What is + it? Is the Thames a-fire, and cooking its own fish, Mr Sweedlepipes? Why + wot’s the man gone and been a-doin’ of to himself? He’s as white as + chalk!’ + </p> + <p> + She added the latter clause of inquiry, when she got downstairs, and found + him seated in the shaving-chair, pale and disconsolate. + </p> + <p> + ‘You recollect,’ said Poll. ‘You recollect young—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not young Wilkins!’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘Don’t say young Wilkins, wotever you + do. If young Wilkins’s wife is took—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It isn’t anybody’s wife,’ exclaimed the little barber. ‘Bailey, young + Bailey!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, wot do you mean to say that chit’s been a-doin’ of?’ retorted Mrs + Gamp, sharply. ‘Stuff and nonsense, Mrs Sweedlepipes!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He hasn’t been a-doing anything!’ exclaimed poor Poll, quite desperate. + ‘What do you catch me up so short for, when you see me put out to that + extent that I can hardly speak? He’ll never do anything again. He’s done + for. He’s killed. The first time I ever see that boy,’ said Poll, ‘I + charged him too much for a red-poll. I asked him three-halfpence for a + penny one, because I was afraid he’d beat me down. But he didn’t. And now + he’s dead; and if you was to crowd all the steam-engines and electric + fluids that ever was, into this shop, and set ‘em every one to work their + hardest, they couldn’t square the account, though it’s only a ha’penny!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Sweedlepipe turned aside to the towel, and wiped his eyes with it. + </p> + <p> + ‘And what a clever boy he was!’ he said. ‘What a surprising young chap he + was! How he talked! and what a deal he know’d! Shaved in this very chair + he was; only for fun; it was all his fun; he was full of it. Ah! to think + that he’ll never be shaved in earnest! The birds might every one have + died, and welcome,’ cried the little barber, looking round him at the + cages, and again applying to the towel, ‘sooner than I’d have heard this + news!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How did you ever come to hear it?’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘who told you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I went out,’ returned the little barber, ‘into the City, to meet a + sporting gent upon the Stock Exchange, that wanted a few slow pigeons to + practice at; and when I’d done with him, I went to get a little drop of + beer, and there I heard everybody a-talking about it. It’s in the papers.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are in a nice state of confugion, Mr Sweedlepipes, you are!’ said Mrs + Gamp, shaking her head; ‘and my opinion is, as half-a-dudgeon fresh young + lively leeches on your temples, wouldn’t be too much to clear your mind, + which so I tell you. Wot were they a-talkin’ on, and wot was in the + papers?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All about it!’ cried the barber. ‘What else do you suppose? Him and his + master were upset on a journey, and he was carried to Salisbury, and was + breathing his last when the account came away. He never spoke afterwards. + Not a single word. That’s the worst of it to me; but that ain’t all. His + master can’t be found. The other manager of their office in the city, + Crimple, David Crimple, has gone off with the money, and is advertised + for, with a reward, upon the walls. Mr Montague, poor young Bailey’s + master (what a boy he was!) is advertised for, too. Some say he’s slipped + off, to join his friend abroad; some say he mayn’t have got away yet; and + they’re looking for him high and low. Their office is a smash; a swindle + altogether. But what’s a Life Assurance office to a Life! And what a Life + Young Bailey’s was!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He was born into a wale,’ said Mrs Gamp, with philosophical coolness. + ‘and he lived in a wale; and he must take the consequences of sech a + sitiwation. But don’t you hear nothink of Mr Chuzzlewit in all this?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Poll, ‘nothing to speak of. His name wasn’t printed as one of + the board, though some people say it was just going to be. Some believe he + was took in, and some believe he was one of the takers-in; but however + that may be, they can’t prove nothing against him. This morning he went up + of his own accord afore the Lord Mayor or some of them City big-wigs, and + complained that he’d been swindled, and that these two persons had gone + off and cheated him, and that he had just found out that Montague’s name + wasn’t even Montague, but something else. And they do say that he looked + like Death, owing to his losses. But, Lord forgive me,’ cried the barber, + coming back again to the subject of his individual grief, ‘what’s his + looks to me! He might have died and welcome, fifty times, and not been + such a loss as Bailey!’ + </p> + <p> + At this juncture the little bell rang, and the deep voice of Mrs Prig + struck into the conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh! You’re a-talkin’ about it, are you!’ observed that lady. ‘Well, I + hope you’ve got it over, for I ain’t interested in it myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My precious Betsey,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘how late you are!’ + </p> + <p> + The worthy Mrs Prig replied, with some asperity, ‘that if perwerse people + went off dead, when they was least expected, it warn’t no fault of her’n.’ + And further, ‘that it was quite aggrawation enough to be made late when + one was dropping for one’s tea, without hearing on it again.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp, deriving from this exhibition of repartee some clue to the state + of Mrs Prig’s feelings, instantly conducted her upstairs; deeming that the + sight of pickled salmon might work a softening change. + </p> + <p> + But Betsey Prig expected pickled salmon. It was obvious that she did; for + her first words, after glancing at the table, were: + </p> + <p> + ‘I know’d she wouldn’t have a cowcumber!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp changed colour, and sat down upon the bedstead. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord bless you, Betsey Prig, your words is true. I quite forgot it!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her pocket, + and with an air of surly triumph drew forth either the oldest of lettuces + or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green vegetable of an + expansive nature, and of such magnificent proportions that she was obliged + to shut it up like an umbrella before she could pull it out. She also + produced a handful of mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb called + dandelion, three bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than an + average turnip, three substantial slices of beetroot, and a short prong or + antler of celery; the whole of this garden-stuff having been publicly + exhibited, but a short time before, as a twopenny salad, and purchased by + Mrs Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all into her pocket. + Which had been happily accomplished, in High Holborn, to the breathless + interest of a hackney-coach stand. And she laid so little stress on this + surprising forethought, that she did not even smile, but returning her + pocket into its accustomed sphere, merely recommended that these + productions of nature should be sliced up, for immediate consumption, in + plenty of vinegar. + </p> + <p> + ‘And don’t go a-droppin’ none of your snuff in it,’ said Mrs Prig. ‘In + gruel, barley-water, apple-tea, mutton-broth, and that, it don’t signify. + It stimulates a patient. But I don’t relish it myself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Betsey Prig!’ cried Mrs Gamp, ‘how <i>can </i>you talk so!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, ain’t your patients, wotever their diseases is, always asneezin’ + their wery heads off, along of your snuff?’ said Mrs Prig. + </p> + <p> + ‘And wot if they are!’ said Mrs Gamp + </p> + <p> + ‘Nothing if they are,’ said Mrs Prig. ‘But don’t deny it, Sairah.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who deniges of it?’ Mrs Gamp inquired. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Prig returned no answer. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Who </i>deniges of it, Betsey?’ Mrs Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs Gamp, by + reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful character of + solemnity to the same. ‘Betsey, who deniges of it?’ + </p> + <p> + It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of + opinion between these ladies; but Mrs Prig’s impatience for the meal being + greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she replied, + for the present, ‘Nobody, if you don’t, Sairah,’ and prepared herself for + tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at any time, but a limited quantity of + salmon cannot. + </p> + <p> + Her toilet was simple. She had merely to ‘chuck’ her bonnet and shawl upon + the bed; give her hair two pulls, one upon the right side and one upon the + left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and all was done. The tea + was already made, Mrs Gamp was not long over the salad, and they were soon + at the height of their repast. + </p> + <p> + The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the + enjoyments of the table. When the meal came to a termination (which it was + pretty long in doing), and Mrs Gamp having cleared away, produced the + teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of wine-glasses, + they were quite amiable. + </p> + <p> + ‘Betsey,’ said Mrs Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the teapot, ‘I + will now propoge a toast. My frequent pardner, Betsey Prig!’ + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0314m.jpg" alt="0314m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0314.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,’ said Mrs Prig, ‘with + love and tenderness.’ + </p> + <p> + From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose of + each lady; and perhaps, notwithstanding all appearances to the contrary, + in the temper also. + </p> + <p> + ‘Now, Sairah,’ said Mrs Prig, ‘joining business with pleasure, wot is this + case in which you wants me?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive + answer, Betsey added: + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Is</i> it Mrs Harris?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Betsey Prig, it ain’t,’ was Mrs Gamp’s reply. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ said Mrs Prig, with a short laugh. ‘I’m glad of that, at any + rate.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?’ Mrs Gamp retorted, warmly. ‘She + is unbeknown to you except by hearsay, why should you be glad? If you have + anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs Harris, which well I + knows behind her back, afore her face, or anywheres, is not to be + impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have know’d that sweetest and best of + women,’ said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head, and shedding tears, ‘ever since + afore her First, which Mr Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped + his ears in a empty dog-kennel, and never took his hands away or come out + once till he was showed the baby, wen bein’ took with fits, the doctor + collared him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and she was + told to ease her mind, his owls was organs. And I have know’d her, Betsey + Prig, when he has hurt her feelin’ art by sayin’ of his Ninth that it was + one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was cooin’ in his face, + which thrive it did though bandy, but I have never know’d as you had + occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of Mrs Harris not requiring you. + Require she never will, depend upon it, for her constant words in sickness + is, and will be, “Send for Sairey?”’ + </p> + <p> + During this touching address, Mrs Prig adroitly feigning to be the victim + of that absence of mind which has its origin in excessive attention to one + topic, helped herself from the teapot without appearing to observe it. Mrs + Gamp observed it, however, and came to a premature close in consequence. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, it ain’t her, it seems,’ said Mrs Prig, coldly; ‘who is it then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You have heerd me mention, Betsey,’ Mrs Gamp replied, after glancing in + an expressive and marked manner at the tea-pot, ‘a person as I took care + on at the time as you and me was pardners off and on, in that there fever + at the Bull?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Old Snuffey,’ Mrs Prig observed. + </p> + <p> + Sarah Gamp looked at her with an eye of fire, for she saw in this mistake + of Mrs Prig, another willful and malignant stab at that same weakness or + custom of hers, an ungenerous allusion to which, on the part of Betsey, + had first disturbed their harmony that evening. And she saw it still more + clearly, when, politely but firmly correcting that lady by the distinct + enunciation of the word ‘Chuffey,’ Mrs Prig received the correction with a + diabolical laugh. + </p> + <p> + The best among us have their failings, and it must be conceded of Mrs + Prig, that if there were a blemish in the goodness of her disposition, it + was a habit she had of not bestowing all its sharp and acid properties + upon her patients (as a thoroughly amiable woman would have done), but of + keeping a considerable remainder for the service of her friends. Highly + pickled salmon, and lettuces chopped up in vinegar, may, as viands + possessing some acidity of their own, have encouraged and increased this + failing in Mrs Prig; and every application to the teapot certainly did; + for it was often remarked of her by her friends, that she was most + contradictory when most elevated. It is certain that her countenance + became about this time derisive and defiant, and that she sat with her + arms folded, and one eye shut up, in a somewhat offensive, because + obstrusively intelligent, manner. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp observing this, felt it the more necessary that Mrs Prig should + know her place, and be made sensible of her exact station in society, as + well as of her obligations to herself. She therefore assumed an air of + greater patronage and importance, as she went on to answer Mrs Prig a + little more in detail. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuffey, Betsey,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘is weak in his mind. Excuge me if I + makes remark, that he may neither be so weak as people thinks, nor people + may not think he is so weak as they pretends, and what I knows, I knows; + and what you don’t, you don’t; so do not ask me, Betsey. But Mr Chuffey’s + friends has made propojals for his bein’ took care on, and has said to me, + “Mrs Gamp, <i>will </i>you undertake it? We couldn’t think,” they says, “of + trusting him to nobody but you, for, Sairey, you are gold as has passed + the furnage. Will you undertake it, at your own price, day and night, and + by your own self?” “No,” I says, “I will not. Do not reckon on it. There + is,” I says, “but one creetur in the world as I would undertake on sech + terms, and her name is Harris. But,” I says, “I am acquainted with a + friend, whose name is Betsey Prig, that I can recommend, and will assist + me. Betsey,” I says, “is always to be trusted under me, and will be guided + as I could desire.”’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mrs Prig, without any abatement of her offensive manner again + counterfeited abstraction of mind, and stretched out her hand to the + teapot. It was more than Mrs Gamp could bear. She stopped the hand of Mrs + Prig with her own, and said, with great feeling: + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Betsey! Drink fair, wotever you do!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Prig, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and closing the + same eye more emphatically, and folding her arms tighter, suffered her + head to roll slowly from side to side, while she surveyed her friend with + a contemptuous smile. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp resumed: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Harris, Betsey—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bother Mrs Harris!’ said Betsey Prig. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp looked at her with amazement, incredulity, and indignation; when + Mrs Prig, shutting her eye still closer, and folding her arms still + tighter, uttered these memorable and tremendous words: + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t believe there’s no sich a person!’ + </p> + <p> + After the utterance of which expressions, she leaned forward, and snapped + her fingers once, twice, thrice; each time nearer to the face of Mrs Gamp, + and then rose to put on her bonnet, as one who felt that there was now a + gulf between them, which nothing could ever bridge across. + </p> + <p> + The shock of this blow was so violent and sudden, that Mrs Gamp sat + staring at nothing with uplifted eyes, and her mouth open as if she were + gasping for breath, until Betsey Prig had put on her bonnet and her shawl, + and was gathering the latter about her throat. Then Mrs Gamp rose—morally + and physically rose—and denounced her. + </p> + <p> + ‘What!’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘you bage creetur, have I know’d Mrs Harris five + and thirty year, to be told at last that there ain’t no sech a person + livin’! Have I stood her friend in all her troubles, great and small, for + it to come at last to sech a end as this, which her own sweet picter + hanging up afore you all the time, to shame your Bragian words! But well + you mayn’t believe there’s no sech a creetur, for she wouldn’t demean + herself to look at you, and often has she said, when I have made mention + of your name, which, to my sinful sorrow, I have done, “What, Sairey Gamp! + debage yourself to <i>her</i>!” Go along with you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m a-goin’, ma’am, ain’t I?’ said Mrs Prig, stopping as she said it. + </p> + <p> + ‘You had better, ma’am,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you know who you’re talking to, ma’am?’ inquired her visitor. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aperiently,’ said Mrs Gamp, surveying her with scorn from head to foot, + ‘to Betsey Prig. Aperiently so. I know her. No one better. Go along with + you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And <i>you </i>was a-goin’ to take me under you!’ cried Mrs Prig, surveying Mrs + Gamp from head to foot in her turn. ‘<i>You </i>was, was you? Oh, how kind! Why, + deuce take your imperence,’ said Mrs Prig, with a rapid change from banter + to ferocity, ‘what do you mean?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go along with you!’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘I blush for you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You had better blush a little for yourself, while you <i>are </i>about it!’ said + Mrs Prig. ‘You and your Chuffeys! What, the poor old creetur isn’t mad + enough, isn’t he? Aha!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’d very soon be mad enough, if you had anything to do with him,’ said + Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘And that’s what I was wanted for, is it?’ cried Mrs Prig, triumphantly. + ‘Yes. But you’ll find yourself deceived. I won’t go near him. We shall see + how you get on without me. I won’t have nothink to do with him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You never spoke a truer word than that!’ said Mrs Gamp. ‘Go along with + you!’ + </p> + <p> + She was prevented from witnessing the actual retirement of Mrs Prig from + the room, notwithstanding the great desire she had expressed to behold it, + by that lady, in her angry withdrawal, coming into contact with the + bedstead, and bringing down the previously mentioned pippins; three or + four of which came rattling on the head of Mrs Gamp so smartly, that when + she recovered from this wooden shower-bath, Mrs Prig was gone. + </p> + <p> + She had the satisfaction, however, of hearing the deep voice of Betsey, + proclaiming her injuries and her determination to have nothing to do with + Mr Chuffey, down the stairs, and along the passage, and even out in + Kingsgate Street. Likewise of seeing in her own apartment, in the place of + Mrs Prig, Mr Sweedlepipe and two gentlemen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, bless my life!’ exclaimed the little barber, ‘what’s amiss? The + noise you ladies have been making, Mrs Gamp! Why, these two gentlemen have + been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly all the time, trying + to make you hear, while you were pelting away, hammer and tongs! It’ll be + the death of the little bullfinch in the shop, that draws his own water. + In his fright, he’s been a-straining himself all to bits, drawing more + water than he could drink in a twelvemonth. He must have thought it was + Fire!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp had in the meanwhile sunk into her chair, from whence, turning up + her overflowing eyes, and clasping her hands, she delivered the following + lamentation: + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Mr Sweedlepipes, which Mr Westlock also, if my eyes do not deceive, + and a friend not havin’ the pleasure of bein’ beknown, wot I have took + from Betsey Prig this blessed night, no mortial creetur knows! If she had + abuged me, bein’ in liquor, which I thought I smelt her wen she come, but + could not so believe, not bein’ used myself’—Mrs Gamp, by the way, + was pretty far gone, and the fragrance of the teapot was strong in the + room—‘I could have bore it with a thankful art. But the words she + spoke of Mrs Harris, lambs could not forgive. No, Betsey!’ said Mrs Gamp, + in a violent burst of feeling, ‘nor worms forget!’ + </p> + <p> + The little barber scratched his head, and shook it, and looked at the + teapot, and gradually got out of the room. John Westlock, taking a chair, + sat down on one side of Mrs Gamp. Martin, taking the foot of the bed, + supported her on the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘You wonder what we want, I daresay,’ observed John. ‘I’ll tell you + presently, when you have recovered. It’s not pressing, for a few minutes + or so. How do you find yourself? Better?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp shed more tears, shook her head and feebly pronounced Mrs + Harris’s name. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have a little—’ John was at a loss what to call it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tea,’ suggested Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘It ain’t tea,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Physic of some sort, I suppose,’ cried John. ‘Have a little.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp was prevailed upon to take a glassful. ‘On condition,’ she + passionately observed, ‘as Betsey never has another stroke of work from + me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly not,’ said John. ‘She shall never help to nurse <i>me</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To think,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘as she should ever have helped to nuss that + friend of yourn, and been so near of hearing things that—Ah!’ + </p> + <p> + John looked at Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘That was a narrow escape, Mrs Gamp.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Narrer, in-deed!’ she returned. ‘It was only my having the night, and + hearin’ of him in his wanderins; and her the day, that saved it. Wot would + she have said and done, if she had know’d what I know; that perfeejus + wretch! Yet, oh good gracious me!’ cried Mrs Gamp, trampling on the floor, + in the absence of Mrs Prig, ‘that I should hear from that same woman’s + lips what I have heerd her speak of Mrs Harris!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never mind,’ said John. ‘You know it is not true.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Isn’t true!’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘True! Don’t I know as that dear woman is + expecting of me at this minnit, Mr Westlock, and is a-lookin’ out of + window down the street, with little Tommy Harris in her arms, as calls me + his own Gammy, and truly calls, for bless the mottled little legs of that + there precious child (like Canterbury Brawn his own dear father says, + which so they are) his own I have been, ever since I found him, Mr + Westlock, with his small red worsted shoe a-gurglin’ in his throat, where + he had put it in his play, a chick, wile they was leavin’ of him on the + floor a-lookin’ for it through the ouse and him a-choakin’ sweetly in the + parlour! Oh, Betsey Prig, what wickedness you’ve showed this night, but + never shall you darken Sairey’s doors agen, you twining serpiant!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You were always so kind to her, too!’ said John, consolingly. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s the cutting part. That’s where it hurts me, Mr Westlock,’ Mrs Gamp + replied; holding out her glass unconsciously, while Martin filled it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Chosen to help you with Mr Lewsome!’ said John. ‘Chosen to help you with + Mr Chuffey!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Chose once, but chose no more,’ cried Mrs Gamp. ‘No pardnership with + Betsey Prig agen, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said John. ‘That would never do.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t know as it ever would have done, sir,’ Mrs Gamp replied, with a + solemnity peculiar to a certain stage of intoxication. ‘Now that the + marks,’ by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, ‘is off that + creetur’s face, I do not think it ever would have done. There are reagions + in families for keeping things a secret, Mr Westlock, and havin’ only them + about you as you knows you can repoge in. Who could repoge in Betsey Prig, + arter her words of Mrs Harris, setting in that chair afore my eyes!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite true,’ said John; ‘quite. I hope you have time to find another + assistant, Mrs Gamp?’ + </p> + <p> + Between her indignation and the teapot, her powers of comprehending what + was said to her began to fail. She looked at John with tearful eyes, and + murmuring the well-remembered name which Mrs Prig had challenged—as + if it were a talisman against all earthly sorrows—seemed to wander + in her mind. + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope,’ repeated John, ‘that you have time to find another assistant?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which short it is, indeed,’ cried Mrs Gamp, turning up her languid eyes, + and clasping Mr Westlock’s wrist with matronly affection. ‘To-morrow + evenin’, sir, I waits upon his friends. Mr Chuzzlewit apinted it from nine + to ten.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘From nine to ten,’ said John, with a significant glance at Martin. ‘and + then Mr Chuffey retires into safe keeping, does he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He needs to be kep safe, I do assure you,’ Mrs Gamp replied with a + mysterious air. ‘Other people besides me has had a happy deliverance from + Betsey Prig. I little know’d that woman. She’d have let it out!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let <i>him </i>out, you mean,’ said John. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do I!’ retorted Mrs Gamp. ‘Oh!’ + </p> + <p> + The severely ironical character of this reply was strengthened by a very + slow nod, and a still slower drawing down of the corners of Mrs Gamp’s + mouth. She added with extreme stateliness of manner after indulging in a + short doze: + </p> + <p> + ‘But I am a-keepin’ of you gentlemen, and time is precious.’ + </p> + <p> + Mingling with that delusion of the teapot which inspired her with the + belief that they wanted her to go somewhere immediately, a shrewd + avoidance of any further reference to the topics into which she had lately + strayed, Mrs Gamp rose; and putting away the teapot in its accustomed + place, and locking the cupboard with much gravity proceeded to attire + herself for a professional visit. + </p> + <p> + This preparation was easily made, as it required nothing more than the + snuffy black bonnet, the snuffy black shawl, the pattens and the + indispensable umbrella, without which neither a lying-in nor a laying-out + could by any possibility be attempted. When Mrs Gamp had invested herself + with these appendages she returned to her chair, and sitting down again, + declared herself quite ready. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a ‘appiness to know as one can benefit the poor sweet creetur,’ she + observed, ‘I’m sure. It isn’t all as can. The torters Betsey Prig inflicts + is frightful!’ + </p> + <p> + Closing her eyes as she made this remark, in the acuteness of her + commiseration for Betsey’s patients, she forgot to open them again until + she dropped a patten. Her nap was also broken at intervals like the fabled + slumbers of Friar Bacon, by the dropping of the other patten, and of the + umbrella. But when she had got rid of those incumbrances, her sleep was + peaceful. + </p> + <p> + The two young men looked at each other, ludicrously enough; and Martin, + stifling his disposition to laugh, whispered in John Westlock’s ear, + </p> + <p> + ‘What shall we do now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Stay here,’ he replied. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp was heard to murmur ‘Mrs Harris’ in her sleep. + </p> + <p> + ‘Rely upon it,’ whispered John, looking cautiously towards her, ‘that you + shall question this old clerk, though you go as Mrs Harris herself. We + know quite enough to carry her our own way now, at all events; thanks to + this quarrel, which confirms the old saying that when rogues fall out, + honest people get what they want. Let Jonas Chuzzlewit look to himself; + and let her sleep as long as she likes. We shall gain our end in good + time.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0050" id="link2HCH0050"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTY + </h2> + <p> + SURPRISES TOM PINCH VERY MUCH, AND SHOWS HOW CERTAIN CONFIDENCES PASSED + BETWEEN HIM AND HIS SISTER + </p> + <p> + It was the next evening; and Tom and his sister were sitting together + before tea, talking, in their usual quiet way, about a great many things, + but not at all about Lewsome’s story or anything connected with it; for + John Westlock—really John, for so young a man, was one of the most + considerate fellows in the world—had particularly advised Tom not to + mention it to his sister just yet, in case it should disquiet her. ‘And I + wouldn’t, Tom,’ he said, with a little hesitation, ‘I wouldn’t have a + shadow on her happy face, or an uneasy thought in her gentle heart, for + all the wealth and honours of the universe!’ Really John was uncommonly + kind; extraordinarily kind. If he had been her father, Tom said, he could + not have taken a greater interest in her. + </p> + <p> + But although Tom and his sister were extremely conversational, they were + less lively, and less cheerful, than usual. Tom had no idea that this + originated with Ruth, but took it for granted that he was rather dull + himself. In truth he was; for the lightest cloud upon the Heaven of her + quiet mind, cast its shadow upon Tom. + </p> + <p> + And there was a cloud on little Ruth that evening. Yes, indeed. When Tom + was looking in another direction, her bright eyes, stealing on towards his + face, would sparkle still more brightly than their custom was, and then + grow dim. When Tom was silent, looking out upon the summer weather, she + would sometimes make a hasty movement, as if she were about to throw + herself upon his neck; then check the impulse, and when he looked round, + show a laughing face, and speak to him very merrily; when she had anything + to give Tom, or had any excuse for coming near him, she would flutter + about him, and lay her bashful hand upon his shoulder, and not be willing + to withdraw it; and would show by all such means that there was something + on her heart which in her great love she longed to say to him, but had not + the courage to utter. + </p> + <p> + So they were sitting, she with her work before her, but not working, and + Tom with his book beside him, but not reading, when Martin knocked at the + door. Anticipating who it was, Tom went to open it; and he and Martin came + back into the room together. Tom looked surprised, for in answer to his + cordial greeting Martin had hardly spoken a word. + </p> + <p> + Ruth also saw that there was something strange in the manner of their + visitor, and raised her eyes inquiringly to Tom’s face, as if she were + seeking an explanation there. Tom shook his head, and made the same mute + appeal to Martin. + </p> + <p> + Martin did not sit down but walked up to the window, and stood there + looking out. He turned round after a few moments to speak, but hastily + averted his head again, without doing so. + </p> + <p> + ‘What has happened, Martin?’ Tom anxiously inquired. ‘My dear fellow, what + bad news do you bring?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Tom!’ replied Martin, in a tone of deep reproach. ‘To hear you feign + that interest in anything that happens to me, hurts me even more than your + ungenerous dealing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My ungenerous dealing! Martin! My—’ Tom could say no more. + </p> + <p> + ‘How could you, Tom, how could you suffer me to thank you so fervently and + sincerely for your friendship; and not tell me, like a man, that you had + deserted me! Was it true, Tom! Was it honest! Was it worthy of what you + used to be—of what I am sure you used to be—to tempt me, when + you had turned against me, into pouring out my heart! Oh, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + His tone was one of such strong injury and yet of so much grief for the + loss of a friend he had trusted in—it expressed such high past love + for Tom, and so much sorrow and compassion for his supposed unworthiness—that + Tom, for a moment, put his hand before his face, and had no more power of + justifying himself, than if he had been a monster of deceit and falsehood. + </p> + <p> + ‘I protest, as I must die,’ said Martin, ‘that I grieve over the loss of + what I thought you; and have no anger in the recollection of my own + injuries. It is only at such a time, and after such a discovery, that we + know the full measure of our old regard for the subject of it. I swear, + little as I showed it—little as I know I showed it—that when I + had the least consideration for you, Tom, I loved you like a brother.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was composed by this time, and might have been the Spirit of Truth, in + a homely dress—it very often wears a homely dress, thank God!—when + he replied to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin,’ he said, ‘I don’t know what is in your mind, or who has abused + it, or by what extraordinary means. But the means are false. There is no + truth whatever in the impression under which you labour. It is a delusion + from first to last; and I warn you that you will deeply regret the wrong + you do me. I can honestly say that I have been true to you, and to myself. + You will be very sorry for this. Indeed, you will be very sorry for it, + Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I <i>am</i> sorry,’ returned Martin, shaking his head. ‘I think I never knew + what it was to be sorry in my heart, until now.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At least,’ said Tom, ‘if I had always been what you charge me with being + now, and had never had a place in your regard, but had always been + despised by you, and had always deserved it, you should tell me in what + you have found me to be treacherous; and on what grounds you proceed. I do + not intreat you, therefore, to give me that satisfaction as a favour, + Martin, but I ask it of you as a right.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My own eyes are my witnesses,’ returned Martin. ‘Am I to believe them?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Tom, calmly. ‘Not if they accuse me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your own words. Your own manner,’ pursued Martin. ‘Am I to believe <i>them</i>?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ replied Tom, calmly. ‘Not if they accuse me. But they never have + accused me. Whoever has perverted them to such a purpose, has wronged me + almost as cruelly’—his calmness rather failed him here—‘as you + have done.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I came here,’ said Martin; ‘and I appeal to your good sister to hear me—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not to her,’ interrupted Tom. ‘Pray, do not appeal to her. She will never + believe you.’ + </p> + <p> + He drew her arm through his own, as he said it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I believe it, Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ cried Tom, ‘of course not. I said so. Why, tut, tut, tut. What a + silly little thing you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I never meant,’ said Martin, hastily, ‘to appeal to you against your + brother. Do not think me so unmanly and unkind. I merely appealed to you + to hear my declaration, that I came here for no purpose of reproach—I + have not one reproach to vent—but in deep regret. You could not know + in what bitterness of regret, unless you knew how often I have thought of + Tom; how long in almost hopeless circumstances, I have looked forward to + the better estimation of his friendship; and how steadfastly I have + believed and trusted in him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tut, tut,’ said Tom, stopping her as she was about to speak. ‘He is + mistaken. He is deceived. Why should you mind? He is sure to be set right + at last.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Heaven bless the day that sets me right!’ cried Martin, ‘if it could ever + come!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Amen!’ said Tom. ‘And it will!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin paused, and then said in a still milder voice: + </p> + <p> + ‘You have chosen for yourself, Tom, and will be relieved by our parting. + It is not an angry one. There is no anger on my side—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There is none on mine,’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘—It is merely what you have brought about, and worked to bring + about. I say again, you have chosen for yourself. You have made the choice + that might have been expected in most people situated as you are, but + which I did not expect in you. For that, perhaps, I should blame my own + judgment more than you. There is wealth and favour worth having, on one + side; and there is the worthless friendship of an abandoned, struggling + fellow, on the other. You were free to make your election, and you made + it; and the choice was not difficult. But those who have not the courage + to resist such temptations, should have the courage to avow what they have + yielded to them; and I <i>do</i> blame you for this, Tom: that you received me + with a show of warmth, encouraged me to be frank and plain-spoken, tempted + me to confide in you, and professed that you were able to be mine; when + you had sold yourself to others. I do not believe,’ said Martin, with + emotion—‘hear me say it from my heart—I <i>cannot </i>believe, Tom, + now that I am standing face to face with you, that it would have been in + your nature to do me any serious harm, even though I had not discovered, + by chance, in whose employment you were. But I should have encumbered you; + I should have led you into more double-dealing; I should have hazarded + your retaining the favour for which you have paid so high a price, + bartering away your former self; and it is best for both of us that I have + found out what you so much desired to keep secret.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Be just,’ said Tom; who, had not removed his mild gaze from Martin’s face + since the commencement of this last address; ‘be just even in your + injustice, Martin. You forget. You have not yet told me what your + accusation is!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why should I?’ returned Martin, waving his hand, and moving towards the + door. ‘You could not know it the better for my dwelling on it, and though + it would be really none the worse, it might seem to me to be. No, Tom. + Bygones shall be bygones between us. I can take leave of you at this + moment, and in this place—in which you are so amiable and so good—as + heartily, if not as cheerfully, as ever I have done since we first met. + All good go with you, Tom!—I—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You leave me so? You can leave me so, can you?’ said Tom. + </p> + <p> + ‘I—you—you have chosen for yourself, Tom! I—I hope it + was a rash choice,’ Martin faltered. ‘I think it was. I am sure it was! + Good-bye!’ + </p> + <p> + And he was gone. + </p> + <p> + Tom led his little sister to her chair, and sat down in his own. He took + his book, and read, or seemed to read. Presently he said aloud, turning a + leaf as he spoke: ‘He will be very sorry for this.’ And a tear stole down + his face, and dropped upon the page. + </p> + <p> + Ruth nestled down beside him on her knees, and clasped her arms about his + neck. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Tom! No, no! Be comforted! Dear Tom!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am quite—comforted,’ said Tom. ‘It will be set right.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Such a cruel, bad return!’ cried Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no,’ said Tom. ‘He believes it. I cannot imagine why. But it will be + set right.’ + </p> + <p> + More closely yet, she nestled down about him; and wept as if her heart + would break. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t. Don’t,’ said Tom. ‘Why do you hide your face, my dear!’ + </p> + <p> + Then in a burst of tears, it all broke out at last. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh Tom, dear Tom, I know your secret heart. I have found it out; you + couldn’t hide the truth from me. Why didn’t you tell me? I am sure I could + have made you happier, if you had! You love her, Tom, so dearly!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom made a motion with his hand as if he would have put his sister + hurriedly away; but it clasped upon hers, and all his little history was + written in the action. All its pathetic eloquence was in the silent touch. + </p> + <p> + ‘In spite of that,’ said Ruth, ‘you have been so faithful and so good, + dear; in spite of that, you have been so true and self-denying, and have + struggled with yourself; in spite of that, you have been so gentle, and so + kind, and even-tempered, that I have never seen you give a hasty look, or + heard you say one irritable word. In spite of all, you have been so + cruelly mistaken. Oh Tom, dear Tom, will <i>this </i>be set right too! Will it, + Tom? Will you always have this sorrow in your breast; you who deserve to + be so happy; or is there any hope?’ + </p> + <p> + And still she hid her face from Tom, and clasped him round the neck, and + wept for him, and poured out all her woman’s heart and soul in the relief + and pain of this disclosure. + </p> + <p> + It was not very long before she and Tom were sitting side by side, and she + was looking with an earnest quietness in Tom’s face. Then Tom spoke to her + thus, cheerily, though gravely: + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very glad, my dear, that this has passed between us. Not because it + assures me of your tender affection (for I was well assured of that + before), but because it relieves my mind of a great weight.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom’s eyes glistened when he spoke of her affection; and he kissed her on + the cheek. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear girl,’ said Tom; ‘with whatever feeling I regard her’—they + seemed to avoid the name by mutual consent—‘I have long ago—I + am sure I may say from the very first—looked upon it as a dream. As + something that might possibly have happened under very different + circumstances, but which can never be. Now, tell me. What would you have + set right?’ + </p> + <p> + She gave Tom such a significant little look, that he was obliged to take + it for an answer whether he would or no; and to go on. + </p> + <p> + ‘By her own choice and free consent, my love, she is betrothed to Martin; + and was, long before either of them knew of my existence. You would have + her betrothed to me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ she said directly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ rejoined Tom, ‘but that might be setting it wrong, instead of + right. Do you think,’ said Tom, with a grave smile, ‘that even if she had + never seen him, it is very likely she would have fallen in love with Me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why not, dear Tom?’ + </p> + <p> + Tom shook his head, and smiled again. + </p> + <p> + ‘You think of me, Ruth,’ said Tom, ‘and it is very natural that you + should, as if I were a character in a book; and you make it a sort of + poetical justice that I should, by some impossible means or other, come, + at last, to marry the person I love. But there is a much higher justice + than poetical justice, my dear, and it does not order events upon the same + principle. Accordingly, people who read about heroes in books, and choose + to make heroes of themselves out of books, consider it a very fine thing + to be discontented and gloomy, and misanthropical, and perhaps a little + blasphemous, because they cannot have everything ordered for their + individual accommodation. Would you like me to become one of that sort of + people?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Tom. But still I know,’ she added timidly, ‘that this is a sorrow to + you in your own better way.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom thought of disputing the position. But it would have been mere folly, + and he gave it up. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear,’ said Tom, ‘I will repay your affection with the Truth and all + the Truth. It is a sorrow to me. I have proved it to be so sometimes, + though I have always striven against it. But somebody who is precious to + you may die, and you may dream that you are in heaven with the departed + spirit, and you may find it a sorrow to wake to the life on earth, which + is no harder to be borne than when you fell asleep. It is sorrowful to me + to contemplate my dream which I always knew was a dream, even when it + first presented itself; but the realities about me are not to blame. They + are the same as they were. My sister, my sweet companion, who makes this + place so dear, is she less devoted to me, Ruth, than she would have been, + if this vision had never troubled me? My old friend John, who might so + easily have treated me with coldness and neglect, is he less cordial to + me? The world about me, is there less good in that? Are my words to be + harsh and my looks to be sour, and is my heart to grow cold, because there + has fallen in my way a good and beautiful creature, who but for the + selfish regret that I cannot call her my own, would, like all other good + and beautiful creatures, make me happier and better! No, my dear sister. + No,’ said Tom stoutly. ‘Remembering all my means of happiness, I hardly + dare to call this lurking something a sorrow; but whatever name it may + justly bear, I thank Heaven that it renders me more sensible of affection + and attachment, and softens me in fifty ways. Not less happy. Not less + happy, Ruth!’ + </p> + <p> + She could not speak to him, but she loved him, as he well deserved. Even + as he deserved, she loved him. + </p> + <p> + ‘She will open Martin’s eyes,’ said Tom, with a glow of pride, ‘and that + (which is indeed wrong) will be set right. Nothing will persuade her, I + know, that I have betrayed him. It will be set right through her, and he + will be very sorry for it. Our secret, Ruth, is our own, and lives and + dies with us. I don’t believe I ever could have told it you,’ said Tom, + with a smile, ‘but how glad I am to think you have found it out!’ + </p> + <p> + They had never taken such a pleasant walk as they took that night. Tom + told her all so freely and so simply, and was so desirous to return her + tenderness with his fullest confidence, that they prolonged it far beyond + their usual hour, and sat up late when they came home. And when they + parted for the night there was such a tranquil, beautiful expression in + Tom’s face, that she could not bear to shut it out, but going back on + tiptoe to his chamber-door, looked in and stood there till he saw her, and + then embracing him again, withdrew. And in her prayers and in her sleep—good + times to be remembered with such fervour, Tom!—his name was + uppermost. + </p> + <p> + When he was left alone, Tom pondered very much on this discovery of hers, + and greatly wondered what had led her to it. ‘Because,’ thought Tom, ‘I + have been so very careful. It was foolish and unnecessary in me, as I + clearly see now, when I am so relieved by her knowing it; but I have been + so very careful to conceal it from her. Of course I knew that she was + intelligent and quick, and for that reason was more upon my guard; but I + was not in the least prepared for this. I am sure her discovery has been + sudden too. Dear me!’ said Tom. ‘It’s a most singular instance of + penetration!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom could not get it out of his head. There it was, when his head was on + his pillow. + </p> + <p> + ‘How she trembled when she began to tell me she knew it!’ thought Tom, + recalling all the little incidents and circumstances; ‘and how her face + flushed! But that was natural! Oh, quite natural! That needs no accounting + for.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom little thought how natural it was. Tom little knew that there was that + in Ruth’s own heart, but newly set there, which had helped her to the + reading of his mystery. Ah, Tom! He didn’t understand the whispers of the + Temple Fountain, though he passed it every day. + </p> + <p> + Who so lively and cheerful as busy Ruth next morning! Her early tap at + Tom’s door, and her light foot outside, would have been music to him + though she had not spoken. But she said it was the brightest morning ever + seen; and so it was; and if it had been otherwise, she would have made it + so to Tom. + </p> + <p> + She was ready with his neat breakfast when he went downstairs, and had her + bonnet ready for the early walk, and was so full of news, that Tom was + lost in wonder. She might have been up all night, collecting it for his + entertainment. There was Mr Nadgett not come home yet, and there was bread + down a penny a loaf, and there was twice as much strength in this tea as + in the last, and the milk-woman’s husband had come out of the hospital + cured, and the curly-headed child over the way had been lost all + yesterday, and she was going to make all sorts of preserves in a desperate + hurry, and there happened to be a saucepan in the house which was the very + saucepan for the purpose; and she knew all about the last book Tom had + brought home, all through, though it was a teaser to read; and she had so + much to tell him that she had finished breakfast first. Then she had her + little bonnet on, and the tea and sugar locked up, and the keys in her + reticule, and the flower, as usual, in Tom’s coat, and was in all respects + quite ready to accompany him, before Tom knew she had begun to prepare. + And in short, as Tom said, with a confidence in his own assertion which + amounted to a defiance of the public in general, there never was such a + little woman. + </p> + <p> + She made Tom talkative. It was impossible to resist her. She put such + enticing questions to him; about books, and about dates of churches, and + about organs and about the Temple, and about all kinds of things. Indeed, + she lightened the way (and Tom’s heart with it) to that degree, that the + Temple looked quite blank and solitary when he parted from her at the + gate. + </p> + <p> + ‘No Mr Fips’s friend to-day, I suppose,’ thought Tom, as he ascended the + stairs. + </p> + <p> + Not yet, at any rate, for the door was closed as usual, and Tom opened it + with his key. He had got the books into perfect order now, and had mended + the torn leaves, and had pasted up the broken backs, and substituted neat + labels for the worn-out letterings. It looked a different place, it was so + orderly and neat. Tom felt some pride in comtemplating the change he had + wrought, though there was no one to approve or disapprove of it. + </p> + <p> + He was at present occupied in making a fair copy of his draught of the + catalogue; on which, as there was no hurry, he was painfully concentrating + all the ingenious and laborious neatness he had ever expended on map or + plan in Mr Pecksniff’s workroom. It was a very marvel of a catalogue; for + Tom sometimes thought he was really getting his money too easily, and he + had determined within himself that this document should take a little of + his superfluous leisure out of him. + </p> + <p> + So with pens and ruler, and compasses and india-rubber, and pencil, and + black ink, and red ink, Tom worked away all the morning. He thought a good + deal about Martin, and their interview of yesterday, and would have been + far easier in his mind if he could have resolved to confide it to his + friend John, and to have taken his opinion on the subject. But besides + that he knew what John’s boiling indignation would be, he bethought + himself that he was helping Martin now in a matter of great moment, and + that to deprive the latter of his assistance at such a crisis of affairs, + would be to inflict a serious injury upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘So I’ll keep it to myself,’ said Tom, with a sigh. ‘I’ll keep it to + myself.’ + </p> + <p> + And to work he went again, more assiduously than ever, with the pens, and + the ruler, and the india-rubber, and the pencils, and the red ink, that he + might forget it. + </p> + <p> + He had laboured away another hour or more, when he heard a footstep in the + entry, down below. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah!’ said Tom, looking towards the door; ‘time was, not long ago either, + when that would have set me wondering and expecting. But I have left off + now.’ + </p> + <p> + The footstep came on, up the stairs. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight,’ said Tom, counting. ‘Now you’ll + stop. Nobody ever comes past the thirty-eighth stair.’ + </p> + <p> + The person did, certainly, but only to take breath; for up the footstep + came again. Forty, forty-one, forty-two, and so on. + </p> + <p> + The door stood open. As the tread advanced, Tom looked impatiently and + eagerly towards it. When a figure came upon the landing, and arriving in + the doorway, stopped and gazed at him, he rose up from his chair, and half + believed he saw a spirit. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/0323m.jpg" alt="0323m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0323.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Old Martin Chuzzlewit! The same whom he had left at Mr Pecksniff’s, weak + and sinking! + </p> + <p> + The same? No, not the same, for this old man, though old, was strong, and + leaned upon his stick with a vigorous hand, while with the other he signed + to Tom to make no noise. One glance at the resolute face, the watchful + eye, the vigorous hand upon the staff, the triumphant purpose in the + figure, and such a light broke in on Tom as blinded him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You have expected me,’ said Martin, ‘a long time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was told that my employer would arrive soon,’ said Tom; ‘but—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know. You were ignorant who he was. It was my desire. I am glad it has + been so well observed. I intended to have been with you much sooner. I + thought the time had come. I thought I could know no more, and no worse, + of him, than I did on that day when I saw you last. But I was wrong.’ + </p> + <p> + He had by this time come up to Tom, and now he grasped his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have lived in his house, Pinch, and had him fawning on me days and + weeks and months. You know it. I have suffered him to treat me like his + tool and instrument. You know it; you have seen me there. I have undergone + ten thousand times as much as I could have endured if I had been the + miserable weak old man he took me for. You know it. I have seen him offer + love to Mary. You know it; who better—who better, my true heart! I + have had his base soul bare before me, day by day, and have not betrayed + myself once. I never could have undergone such torture but for looking + forward to this time.’ + </p> + <p> + He stopped, even in the passion of his speech—if that can be called + passion which was so resolute and steady—to press Tom’s hand again. + Then he said, in great excitement: + </p> + <p> + ‘Close the door, close the door. He will not be long after me, but may + come too soon. The time now drawing on,’ said the old man, hurriedly—his + eyes and whole face brightening as he spoke—‘will make amends for + all. I wouldn’t have him die or hang himself, for millions of golden + pieces! Close the door!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom did so; hardly knowing yet whether he was awake or in a dream. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0051" id="link2HCH0051"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE + </h2> + <p> + SHEDS NEW AND BRIGHTER LIGHT UPON THE VERY DARK PLACE; AND CONTAINS THE + SEQUEL OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + </p> + <p> + The night had now come, when the old clerk was to be delivered over to his + keepers. In the midst of his guilty distractions, Jonas had not forgotten + it. + </p> + <p> + It was a part of his guilty state of mind to remember it; for on his + persistence in the scheme depended one of his precautions for his own + safety. A hint, a word, from the old man, uttered at such a moment in + attentive ears, might fire the train of suspicion, and destroy him. His + watchfulness of every avenue by which the discovery of his guilt might be + approached, sharpened with his sense of the danger by which he was + encompassed. With murder on his soul, and its innumerable alarms and + terrors dragging at him night and day, he would have repeated the crime, + if he had seen a path of safety stretching out beyond. It was in his + punishment; it was in his guilty condition. The very deed which his fears + rendered insupportable, his fears would have impelled him to commit again. + </p> + <p> + But keeping the old man close, according to his design, would serve his + turn. His purpose was to escape, when the first alarm and wonder had + subsided; and when he could make the attempt without awakening instant + suspicion. In the meanwhile these women would keep him quiet; and if the + talking humour came upon him, would not be easily startled. He knew their + trade. + </p> + <p> + Nor had he spoken idly when he said the old man should be gagged. He had + resolved to ensure his silence; and he looked to the end, not the means. + He had been rough and rude and cruel to the old man all his life; and + violence was natural to his mind in connection with him. ‘He shall be + gagged if he speaks, and pinioned if he writes,’ said Jonas, looking at + him; for they sat alone together. ‘He is mad enough for that; I’ll go + through with it!’ + </p> + <p> + Hush! + </p> + <p> + Still listening! To every sound. He had listened ever since, and it had + not come yet. The exposure of the Assurance office; the flight of Crimple + and Bullamy with the plunder, and among the rest, as he feared, with his + own bill, which he had not found in the pocket-book of the murdered man, + and which with Mr Pecksniff’s money had probably been remitted to one or + other of those trusty friends for safe deposit at the banker’s; his + immense losses, and peril of being still called to account as a partner in + the broken firm; all these things rose in his mind at one time and always, + but he could not contemplate them. He was aware of their presence, and of + the rage, discomfiture, and despair, they brought along with them; but he + thought—of his own controlling power and direction he thought—of + the one dread question only. When they would find the body in the wood. + </p> + <p> + He tried—he had never left off trying—not to forget it was + there, for that was impossible, but to forget to weary himself by drawing + vivid pictures of it in his fancy; by going softly about it and about it + among the leaves, approaching it nearer and nearer through a gap in the + boughs, and startling the very flies that were thickly sprinkled all over + it, like heaps of dried currants. His mind was fixed and fastened on the + discovery, for intelligence of which he listened intently to every cry and + shout; listened when any one came in or went out; watched from the window + the people who passed up and down the street; mistrusted his own looks and + words. And the more his thoughts were set upon the discovery, the stronger + was the fascination which attracted them to the thing itself; lying alone + in the wood. He was for ever showing and presenting it, as it were, to + every creature whom he saw. ‘Look here! Do you know of this? Is it found? + Do you suspect <i>me</i>?’ If he had been condemned to bear the body in his arms, + and lay it down for recognition at the feet of every one he met, it could + not have been more constantly with him, or a cause of more monotonous and + dismal occupation than it was in this state of his mind. + </p> + <p> + Still he was not sorry. It was no contrition or remorse for what he had + done that moved him; it was nothing but alarm for his own security. The + vague consciousness he possessed of having wrecked his fortune in the + murderous venture, intensified his hatred and revenge, and made him set + the greater store by what he had gained The man was dead; nothing could + undo that. He felt a triumph yet, in the reflection. + </p> + <p> + He had kept a jealous watch on Chuffey ever since the deed; seldom leaving + him but on compulsion, and then for as short intervals as possible. They + were alone together now. It was twilight, and the appointed time drew near + at hand. Jonas walked up and down the room. The old man sat in his + accustomed corner. + </p> + <p> + The slightest circumstance was matter of disquiet to the murderer, and he + was made uneasy at this time by the absence of his wife, who had left home + early in the afternoon, and had not returned yet. No tenderness for her + was at the bottom of this; but he had a misgiving that she might have been + waylaid, and tempted into saying something that would criminate him when + the news came. For anything he knew, she might have knocked at the door of + his room, while he was away, and discovered his plot. Confound her, it was + like her pale face to be wandering up and down the house! Where was she + now? + </p> + <p> + ‘She went to her good friend, Mrs Todgers,’ said the old man, when he + asked the question with an angry oath. + </p> + <p> + Aye! To be sure! Always stealing away into the company of that woman. She + was no friend of his. Who could tell what devil’s mischief they might + hatch together! Let her be fetched home directly. + </p> + <p> + The old man, muttering some words softly, rose as if he would have gone + himself, but Jonas thrust him back into his chair with an impatient + imprecation, and sent a servant-girl to fetch her. When he had charged her + with her errand he walked to and fro again, and never stopped till she + came back, which she did pretty soon; the way being short, and the woman + having made good haste. + </p> + <p> + Well! Where was she? Had she come? + </p> + <p> + No. She had left there, full three hours. + </p> + <p> + ‘Left there! Alone?’ + </p> + <p> + The messenger had not asked; taking that for granted. + </p> + <p> + ‘Curse you for a fool. Bring candles!’ + </p> + <p> + She had scarcely left the room when the old clerk, who had been unusually + observant of him ever since he had asked about his wife, came suddenly + upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Give her up!’ cried the old man. ‘Come! Give her up to me! Tell me what + you have done with her. Quick! I have made no promises on that score. Tell + me what you have done with her.’ + </p> + <p> + He laid his hands upon his collar as he spoke, and grasped it; tightly + too. + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall not leave me!’ cried the old man. ‘I am strong enough to cry + out to the neighbours, and I will, unless you give her up. Give her up to + me!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas was so dismayed and conscience-stricken, that he had not even + hardihood enough to unclench the old man’s hands with his own; but stood + looking at him as well as he could in the darkness, without moving a + finger. It was as much as he could do to ask him what he meant. + </p> + <p> + ‘I will know what you have done with her!’ retorted Chuffey. ‘If you hurt + a hair of her head, you shall answer it. Poor thing! Poor thing! Where is + she?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, you old madman!’ said Jonas, in a low voice, and with trembling + lips. ‘What Bedlam fit has come upon you now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is enough to make me mad, seeing what I have seen in this house!’ + cried Chuffey. ‘Where is my dear old master! Where is his only son that I + have nursed upon my knee, a child! Where is she, she who was the last; she + that I’ve seen pining day by day, and heard weeping in the dead of night! + She was the last, the last of all my friends! Heaven help me, she was the + very last!’ + </p> + <p> + Seeing that the tears were stealing down his face, Jonas mustered courage + to unclench his hands, and push him off before he answered: + </p> + <p> + ‘Did you hear me ask for her? Did you hear me send for her? How can I give + you up what I haven’t got, idiot! Ecod, I’d give her up to you and + welcome, if I could; and a precious pair you’d be!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If she has come to any harm,’ cried Chuffey, ‘mind! I’m old and silly; + but I have my memory sometimes; and if she has come to any harm—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Devil take you,’ interrupted Jonas, but in a suppressed voice still; + ‘what harm do you suppose she has come to? I know no more where she is + than you do; I wish I did. Wait till she comes home, and see; she can’t be + long. Will that content you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind!’ exclaimed the old man. ‘Not a hair of her head! not a hair of her + head ill-used! I won’t bear it. I—I—have borne it too long + Jonas. I am silent, but I—I—I can speak. I—I—I can + speak—’ he stammered, as he crept back to his chair, and turned a + threatening, though a feeble, look upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘You can speak, can you!’ thought Jonas. ‘So, so, we’ll stop your + speaking. It’s well I knew of this in good time. Prevention is better than + cure.’ + </p> + <p> + He had made a poor show of playing the bully and evincing a desire to + conciliate at the same time, but was so afraid of the old man that great + drops had started out upon his brow; and they stood there yet. His unusual + tone of voice and agitated manner had sufficiently expressed his fear; but + his face would have done so now, without that aid, as he again walked to + and fro, glancing at him by the candelight. + </p> + <p> + He stopped at the window to think. An opposite shop was lighted up; and + the tradesman and a customer were reading some printed bill together + across the counter. The sight brought him back, instantly, to the + occupation he had forgotten. ‘Look here! Do you know of this? Is it found? + Do you suspect <i>me</i>?’ + </p> + <p> + A hand upon the door. ‘What’s that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A pleasant evenin’,’ said the voice of Mrs Gamp, ‘though warm, which, + bless you, Mr Chuzzlewit, we must expect when cowcumbers is three for + twopence. How does Mr Chuffey find his self to-night, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp kept particularly close to the door in saying this, and curtseyed + more than usual. She did not appear to be quite so much at her ease as she + generally was. + </p> + <p> + ‘Get him to his room,’ said Jonas, walking up to her, and speaking in her + ear. ‘He has been raving to-night—stark mad. Don’t talk while he’s + here, but come down again.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor sweet dear!’ cried Mrs Gamp, with uncommon tenderness. ‘He’s all of + a tremble.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well he may be,’ said Jonas, ‘after the mad fit he has had. Get him + upstairs.’ + </p> + <p> + She was by this time assisting him to rise. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s my blessed old chick!’ cried Mrs Gamp, in a tone that was at once + soothing and encouraging. ‘There’s my darlin’ Mr Chuffey! Now come up to + your own room, sir, and lay down on your bed a bit; for you’re a-shakin’ + all over, as if your precious jints was hung upon wires. That’s a good + creetur! Come with Sairey!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is she come home?’ inquired the old man. + </p> + <p> + ‘She’ll be here directly minit,’ returned Mrs Gamp. ‘Come with Sairey, Mr + Chuffey. Come with your own Sairey!’ + </p> + <p> + The good woman had no reference to any female in the world in promising + this speedy advent of the person for whom Mr Chuffey inquired, but merely + threw it out as a means of pacifying the old man. It had its effect, for + he permitted her to lead him away; and they quitted the room together. + </p> + <p> + Jonas looked out of the window again. They were still reading the printed + paper in the shop opposite, and a third man had joined in the perusal. + What could it be, to interest them so?’ + </p> + <p> + A dispute or discussion seemed to arise among them, for they all looked up + from their reading together, and one of the three, who had been glancing + over the shoulder of another, stepped back to explain or illustrate some + action by his gestures. + </p> + <p> + Horror! How like the blow he had struck in the wood! + </p> + <p> + It beat him from the window as if it had lighted on himself. As he + staggered into a chair, he thought of the change in Mrs Gamp exhibited in + her new-born tenderness to her charge. Was that because it was found?—because + she knew of it?—because she suspected him? + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuffey is a-lyin’ down,’ said Mrs Gamp, returning, ‘and much good may + it do him, Mr Chuzzlewit, which harm it can’t and good it may; be joyful!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sit down,’ said Jonas, hoarsely, ‘and let us get this business done. + Where is the other woman?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The other person’s with him now,’ she answered. + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s right,’ said Jonas. ‘He is not fit to be left to himself. Why, he + fastened on me to-night; here, upon my coat; like a savage dog. Old as he + is, and feeble as he is usually, I had some trouble to shake him off. You—Hush!—It’s + nothing. You told me the other woman’s name. I forget it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I mentioned Betsey Prig,’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘She is to be trusted, is she?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That she ain’t!’ said Mrs Gamp; ‘nor have I brought her, Mr Chuzzlewit. + I’ve brought another, which engages to give every satigefaction.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is her name?’ asked Jonas. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp looked at him in an odd way without returning any answer, but + appeared to understand the question too. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is her name?’ repeated Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Her name,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘is Harris.’ + </p> + <p> + It was extraordinary how much effort it cost Mrs Gamp to pronounce the + name she was commonly so ready with. She made some three or four gasps + before she could get it out; and, when she had uttered it, pressed her + hand upon her side, and turned up her eyes, as if she were going to faint + away. But, knowing her to labour under a complication of internal + disorders, which rendered a few drops of spirits indispensable at certain + times to her existence, and which came on very strong when that remedy was + not at hand, Jonas merely supposed her to be the victim of one of these + attacks. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well!’ he said, hastily, for he felt how incapable he was of confining + his wandering attention to the subject. ‘You and she have arranged to take + care of him, have you?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp replied in the affirmative, and softly discharged herself of her + familiar phrase, ‘Turn and turn about; one off, one on.’ But she spoke so + tremulously that she felt called upon to add, ‘which fiddle-strings is + weakness to expredge my nerves this night!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas stopped to listen. Then said, hurriedly: + </p> + <p> + ‘We shall not quarrel about terms. Let them be the same as they were + before. Keep him close, and keep him quiet. He must be restrained. He has + got it in his head to-night that my wife’s dead, and has been attacking me + as if I had killed her. It’s—it’s common with mad people to take the + worst fancies of those they like best. Isn’t it?’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp assented with a short groan. + </p> + <p> + ‘Keep him close, then, or in one of his fits he’ll be doing me a mischief. + And don’t trust him at any time; for when he seems most rational, he’s + wildest in his talk. But that you know already. Let me see the other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The t’other person, sir?’ said Mrs Gamp. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye! Go you to him and send the other. Quick! I’m busy.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp took two or three backward steps towards the door, and stopped + there. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is your wishes, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ she said, in a sort of quavering + croak, ‘to see the t’other person. Is it?’ + </p> + <p> + But the ghastly change in Jonas told her that the other person was already + seen. Before she could look round towards the door, she was put aside by + old Martin’s hand; and Chuffey and John Westlock entered with him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let no one leave the house,’ said Martin. ‘This man is my brother’s son. + Ill-met, ill-trained, ill-begotten. If he moves from the spot on which he + stands, or speaks a word above his breath to any person here, open the + window, and call for help!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What right have you to give such directions in this house?’ asked Jonas + faintly. + </p> + <p> + ‘The right of your wrong-doing. Come in there!’ + </p> + <p> + An irrepressible exclamation burst from the lips of Jonas, as Lewsome + entered at the door. It was not a groan, or a shriek, or a word, but was + wholly unlike any sound that had ever fallen on the ears of those who + heard it, while at the same time it was the most sharp and terrible + expression of what was working in his guilty breast, that nature could + have invented. + </p> + <p> + He had done murder for this! He had girdled himself about with perils, + agonies of mind, innumerable fears, for this! He had hidden his secret in + the wood; pressed and stamped it down into the bloody ground; and here it + started up when least expected, miles upon miles away; known to many; + proclaiming itself from the lips of an old man who had renewed his + strength and vigour as by a miracle, to give it voice against him! + </p> + <p> + He leaned his hand on the back of a chair, and looked at them. It was in + vain to try to do so scornfully, or with his usual insolence. He required + the chair for his support. But he made a struggle for it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I know that fellow,’ he said, fetching his breath at every word, and + pointing his trembling finger towards Lewsome. ‘He’s the greatest liar + alive. What’s his last tale? Ha, ha! You’re rare fellows, too! Why, that + uncle of mine is childish; he’s even a greater child than his brother, my + father, was, in his old age; or than Chuffey is. What the devil do you + mean,’ he added, looking fiercely at John Westlock and Mark Tapley (the + latter had entered with Lewsome), ‘by coming here, and bringing two idiots + and a knave with you to take my house by storm? Hallo, there! Open the + door! Turn these strangers out!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you what,’ cried Mr Tapley, coming forward, ‘if it wasn’t for your + name, I’d drag you through the streets of my own accord, and single-handed + I would! Ah, I would! Don’t try and look bold at me. You can’t do it! Now + go on, sir,’ this was to old Martin. ‘Bring the murderin’ wagabond upon + his knees! If he wants noise, he shall have enough of it; for as sure as + he’s a shiverin’ from head to foot I’ll raise a uproar at this winder that + shall bring half London in. Go on, sir! Let him try me once, and see + whether I’m a man of my word or not.’ + </p> + <p> + With that, Mark folded his arms, and took his seat upon the window-ledge, + with an air of general preparation for anything, which seemed to imply + that he was equally ready to jump out himself, or to throw Jonas out, upon + receiving the slightest hint that it would be agreeable to the company. + </p> + <p> + Old Martin turned to Lewsome: + </p> + <p> + ‘This is the man,’ he said, extending his hand towards Jonas. ‘Is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You need do no more than look at him to be sure of that, or of the truth + of what I have said,’ was the reply. ‘He is my witness.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, brother!’ cried old Martin, clasping his hands and lifting up his + eyes. ‘Oh, brother, brother! Were we strangers half our lives that you + might breed a wretch like this, and I make life a desert by withering + every flower that grew about me! Is it the natural end of your precepts + and mine, that this should be the creature of your rearing, training, + teaching, hoarding, striving for; and I the means of bringing him to + punishment, when nothing can repair the wasted past!’ + </p> + <p> + He sat down upon a chair as he spoke, and turning away his face, was + silent for a few moments. Then with recovered energy he proceeded: + </p> + <p> + ‘But the accursed harvest of our mistaken lives shall be trodden down. It + is not too late for that. You are confronted with this man, you monster + there; not to be spared, but to be dealt with justly. Hear what he says! + Reply, be silent, contradict, repeat, defy, do what you please. My course + will be the same. Go on! And you,’ he said to Chuffey, ‘for the love of + your old friend, speak out, good fellow!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been silent for his love!’ cried the old man. ‘He urged me to it. + He made me promise it upon his dying bed. I never would have spoken, but + for your finding out so much. I have thought about it ever since; I + couldn’t help that; and sometimes I have had it all before me in a dream; + but in the day-time, not in sleep. Is there such a kind of dream?’ said + Chuffey, looking anxiously in old Martin’s face. + </p> + <p> + As Martin made him an encouraging reply, he listened attentively to his + voice, and smiled. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah, aye!’ he cried. ‘He often spoke to me like that. We were at school + together, he and I. I couldn’t turn against his son, you know—his + only son, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I would to Heaven you had been his son!’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘You speak so like my dear old master,’ cried the old man with a childish + delight, ‘that I almost think I hear him. I can hear you quite as well as + I used to hear him. It makes me young again. He never spoke unkindly to + me, and I always understood him. I could always see him too, though my + sight was dim. Well, well! He’s dead, he’s dead. He was very good to me, + my dear old master!’ + </p> + <p> + He shook his head mournfully over the brother’s hand. At this moment Mark, + who had been glancing out of the window, left the room. + </p> + <p> + ‘I couldn’t turn against his only son, you know,’ said Chuffey. ‘He has + nearly driven me to do it sometimes; he very nearly did tonight. Ah!’ + cried the old man, with a sudden recollection of the cause. ‘Where is she? + She’s not come home!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you mean his wife?’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have removed her. She is in my care, and will be spared the present + knowledge of what is passing here. She has known misery enough, without + that addition.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas heard this with a sinking heart. He knew that they were on his + heels, and felt that they were resolute to run him to destruction. Inch by + inch the ground beneath him was sliding from his feet; faster and faster + the encircling ruin contracted and contracted towards himself, its wicked + centre, until it should close in and crush him. + </p> + <p> + And now he heard the voice of his accomplice stating to his face, with + every circumstance of time and place and incident; and openly proclaiming, + with no reserve, suppression, passion, or concealment; all the truth. The + truth, which nothing would keep down; which blood would not smother, and + earth would not hide; the truth, whose terrible inspiration seemed to + change dotards into strong men; and on whose avenging wings, one whom he + had supposed to be at the extremest corner of the earth came swooping down + upon him. + </p> + <p> + He tried to deny it, but his tongue would not move. He conceived some + desperate thought of rushing away, and tearing through the streets; but + his limbs would as little answer to his will as his stark, stiff staring + face. All this time the voice went slowly on, denouncing him. It was as if + every drop of blood in the wood had found a voice to jeer him with. + </p> + <p> + When it ceased, another voice took up the tale, but strangely; for the old + clerk, who had watched, and listened to the whole, and had wrung his hands + from time to time, as if he knew its truth and could confirm it, broke in + with these words: + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, no! you’re wrong; you’re wrong—all wrong together! Have + patience, for the truth is only known to me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How can that be,’ said his old master’s brother, ‘after what you have + heard? Besides, you said just now, above-stairs, when I told you of the + accusation against him, that you knew he was his father’s murderer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye, yes! and so he was!’ cried Chuffey, wildly. ‘But not as you suppose—not + as you suppose. Stay! Give me a moment’s time. I have it all here—all + here! It was foul, foul, cruel, bad; but not as you suppose. Stay, stay!’ + </p> + <p> + He put his hands up to his head, as if it throbbed or pained him. After + looking about him in a wandering and vacant manner for some moments, his + eyes rested upon Jonas, when they kindled up with sudden recollection and + intelligence. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes!’ cried old Chuffey, ‘yes! That’s how it was. It’s all upon me now. + He—he got up from his bed before he died, to be sure, to say that he + forgave him; and he came down with me into this room; and when he saw him—his + only son, the son he loved—his speech forsook him; he had no speech + for what he knew—and no one understood him except me. But I did—I + did!’ + </p> + <p> + Old Martin regarded him in amazement; so did his companions. Mrs Gamp, who + had said nothing yet; but had kept two-thirds of herself behind the door, + ready for escape, and one-third in the room, ready for siding with the + strongest party; came a little further in and remarked, with a sob, that + Mr Chuffey was ‘the sweetest old creetur goin’.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He bought the stuff,’ said Chuffey, stretching out his arm towards Jonas + while an unwonted fire shone in his eye, and lightened up his face; ‘he + bought the stuff, no doubt, as you have heard, and brought it home. He + mixed the stuff—look at him!—with some sweetmeat in a jar, + exactly as the medicine for his father’s cough was mixed, and put it in a + drawer; in that drawer yonder in the desk; he knows which drawer I mean! + He kept it there locked up. But his courage failed him or his heart was + touched—my God! I hope it was his heart! He was his only son!—and + he did not put it in the usual place, where my old master would have taken + it twenty times a day.’ + </p> + <p> + The trembling figure of the old man shook with the strong emotions that + possessed him. But, with the same light in his eye, and with his arm + outstretched, and with his grey hair stirring on his head, he seemed to + grow in size, and was like a man inspired. Jonas shrunk from looking at + him, and cowered down into the chair by which he had held. It seemed as if + this tremendous Truth could make the dumb speak. + </p> + <p> + ‘I know it every word now!’ cried Chuffey. ‘Every word! He put it in that + drawer, as I have said. He went so often there, and was so secret, that + his father took notice of it; and when he was out, had it opened. We were + there together, and we found the mixture—Mr Chuzzlewit and I. He + took it into his possession, and made light of it at the time; but in the + night he came to my bedside, weeping, and told me that his own son had it + in his mind to poison him. “Oh, Chuff,” he said, “oh, dear old Chuff! a + voice came into my room to-night, and told me that this crime began with + me. It began when I taught him to be too covetous of what I have to leave, + and made the expectation of it his great business!” Those were his words; + aye, they are his very words! If he was a hard man now and then, it was + for his only son. He loved his only son, and he was always good to me!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas listened with increased attention. Hope was breaking in upon him. + </p> + <p> + ‘“He shall not weary for my death, Chuff;” that was what he said next,’ + pursued the old clerk, as he wiped his eyes; ‘that was what he said next, + crying like a little child: “He shall not weary for my death, Chuff. He + shall have it now; he shall marry where he has a fancy, Chuff, although it + don’t please me; and you and I will go away and live upon a little. I + always loved him; perhaps he’ll love me then. It’s a dreadful thing to + have my own child thirsting for my death. But I might have known it. I + have sown, and I must reap. He shall believe that I am taking this; and + when I see that he is sorry, and has all he wants, I’ll tell him that I + found it out, and I’ll forgive him. He’ll make a better man of his own + son, and be a better man himself, perhaps, Chuff!”’ + </p> + <p> + Poor Chuffey paused to dry his eyes again. Old Martin’s face was hidden in + his hands. Jonas listened still more keenly, and his breast heaved like a + swollen water, but with hope. With growing hope. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear old master made believe next day,’ said Chuffey, ‘that he had + opened the drawer by mistake with a key from the bunch, which happened to + fit it (we had one made and hung upon it); and that he had been surprised + to find his fresh supply of cough medicine in such a place, but supposed + it had been put there in a hurry when the drawer stood open. We burnt it; + but his son believed that he was taking it—he knows he did. Once Mr + Chuzzlewit, to try him, took heart to say it had a strange taste; and he + got up directly, and went out.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas gave a short, dry cough; and, changing his position for an easier + one, folded his arms without looking at them, though they could now see + his face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit wrote to her father; I mean the father of the poor thing + who’s his wife,’ said Chuffey; ‘and got him to come up, intending to + hasten on the marriage. But his mind, like mine, went a little wrong + through grief, and then his heart broke. He sank and altered from the time + when he came to me in the night; and never held up his head again. It was + only a few days, but he had never changed so much in twice the years. + “Spare him, Chuff!” he said, before he died. They were the only words he + could speak. “Spare him, Chuff!” I promised him I would. I’ve tried to do + it. He’s his only son.’ + </p> + <p> + On his recollection of the last scene in his old friend’s life, poor + Chuffey’s voice, which had grown weaker and weaker, quite deserted him. + Making a motion with his hand, as if he would have said that Anthony had + taken it, and had died with it in his, he retreated to the corner where he + usually concealed his sorrows; and was silent. + </p> + <p> + Jonas could look at his company now, and vauntingly too. ‘Well!’ he said, + after a pause. ‘Are you satisfied? or have you any more of your plots to + broach? Why that fellow, Lewsome, can invent ‘em for you by the score. Is + this all? Have you nothing else?’ + </p> + <p> + Old Martin looked at him steadily. + </p> + <p> + ‘Whether you are what you seemed to be at Pecksniff’s, or are something + else and a mountebank, I don’t know and I don’t care,’ said Jonas, looking + downward with a smile, ‘but I don’t want you here. You were here so often + when your brother was alive, and were always so fond of him (your dear, + dear brother, and you would have been cuffing one another before this, + ecod!), that I am not surprised at your being attached to the place; but + the place is not attached to you, and you can’t leave it too soon, though + you may leave it too late. And for my wife, old man, send her home + straight, or it will be the worse for her. Ha, ha! You carry it with a + high hand, too! But it isn’t hanging yet for a man to keep a penn’orth of + poison for his own purposes, and have it taken from him by two old crazy + jolter-heads who go and act a play about it. Ha, ha! Do you see the door?’ + </p> + <p> + His base triumph, struggling with his cowardice, and shame, and guilt, was + so detestable, that they turned away from him, as if he were some obscene + and filthy animal, repugnant to the sight. And here that last black crime + was busy with him too; working within him to his perdition. But for that, + the old clerk’s story might have touched him, though never so lightly; but + for that, the sudden removal of so great a load might have brought about + some wholesome change even in him. With that deed done, however; with that + unnecessary wasteful danger haunting him; despair was in his very triumph + and relief; wild, ungovernable, raging despair, for the uselessness of the + peril into which he had plunged; despair that hardened him and maddened + him, and set his teeth a-grinding in a moment of his exultation. + </p> + <p> + ‘My good friend!’ said old Martin, laying his hand on Chuffey’s sleeve. + ‘This is no place for you to remain in. Come with me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Just his old way!’ cried Chuffey, looking up into his face. ‘I almost + believe it’s Mr Chuzzlewit alive again. Yes! Take me with you! Stay, + though, stay.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For what?’ asked old Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t leave her, poor thing!’ said Chuffey. ‘She has been very good to + me. I can’t leave her, Mr Chuzzlewit. Thank you kindly. I’ll remain here. + I haven’t long to remain; it’s no great matter.’ + </p> + <p> + As he meekly shook his poor, grey head, and thanked old Martin in these + words, Mrs Gamp, now entirely in the room, was affected to tears. + </p> + <p> + ‘The mercy as it is!’ she said, ‘as sech a dear, good, reverend creetur + never got into the clutches of Betsey Prig, which but for me he would have + done, undoubted; facts bein’ stubborn and not easy drove!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You heard me speak to you just now, old man,’ said Jonas to his uncle. + ‘I’ll have no more tampering with my people, man or woman. Do you see the + door?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do <i>you </i>see the door?’ returned the voice of Mark, coming from that + direction. ‘Look at it!’ + </p> + <p> + He looked, and his gaze was nailed there. Fatal, ill-omened blighted + threshold, cursed by his father’s footsteps in his dying hour, cursed by + his young wife’s sorrowing tread, cursed by the daily shadow of the old + clerk’s figure, cursed by the crossing of his murderer’s feet—what + men were standing in the door way! + </p> + <p> + Nadgett foremost. + </p> + <p> + Hark! It came on, roaring like a sea! Hawkers burst into the street, + crying it up and down; windows were thrown open that the inhabitants might + hear it; people stopped to listen in the road and on the pavement; the + bells, the same bells, began to ring; tumbling over one another in a dance + of boisterous joy at the discovery (that was the sound they had in his + distempered thoughts), and making their airy play-ground rock. + </p> + <p> + ‘That is the man,’ said Nadgett. ‘By the window!’ + </p> + <p> + Three others came in, laid hands upon him, and secured him. It was so + quickly done, that he had not lost sight of the informer’s face for an + instant when his wrists were manacled together. + </p> + <p> + ‘Murder,’ said Nadgett, looking round on the astonished group. ‘Let no one + interfere.’ + </p> + <p> + The sounding street repeated Murder; barbarous and dreadful Murder. + Murder, Murder, Murder. Rolling on from house to house, and echoing from + stone to stone, until the voices died away into the distant hum, which + seemed to mutter the same word! + </p> + <p> + They all stood silent: listening, and gazing in each other’s faces, as the + noise passed on. + </p> + <p> + Old Martin was the first to speak. ‘What terrible history is this?’ he + demanded. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ask <i>him</i>,’ said Nadgett. ‘You’re his friend, sir. He can tell you, if he + will. He knows more of it than I do, though I know much.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you know much?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have not been watching him so long for nothing,’ returned Nadgett. ‘I + never watched a man so close as I have watched him.’ + </p> + <p> + Another of the phantom forms of this terrific Truth! Another of the many + shapes in which it started up about him, out of vacancy. This man, of all + men in the world, a spy upon him; this man, changing his identity; casting + off his shrinking, purblind, unobservant character, and springing up into + a watchful enemy! The dead man might have come out of his grave, and not + confounded and appalled him more. + </p> + <p> + The game was up. The race was at an end; the rope was woven for his neck. + If, by a miracle, he could escape from this strait, he had but to turn his + face another way, no matter where, and there would rise some new avenger + front to front with him; some infant in an hour grown old, or old man in + an hour grown young, or blind man with his sight restored, or deaf man + with his hearing given him. There was no chance. He sank down in a heap + against the wall, and never hoped again from that moment. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not his friend, although I have the honour to be his relative,’ said + Mr Chuzzlewit. ‘You may speak to me. Where have you watched, and what have + you seen?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have watched in many places,’ returned Nadgett, ‘night and day. I have + watched him lately, almost without rest or relief;’ his anxious face and + bloodshot eyes confirmed it. ‘I little thought to what my watching was to + lead. As little as he did when he slipped out in the night, dressed in + those clothes which he afterwards sunk in a bundle at London Bridge!’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas moved upon the ground like a man in bodily torture. He uttered a + suppressed groan, as if he had been wounded by some cruel weapon; and + plucked at the iron band upon his wrists, as though (his hands being free) + he would have torn himself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Steady, kinsman!’ said the chief officer of the party. ‘Don’t be + violent.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Whom do you call kinsman?’ asked old Martin sternly. + </p> + <p> + ‘You,’ said the man, ‘among others.’ + </p> + <p> + Martin turned his scrutinizing gaze upon him. He was sitting lazily across + a chair with his arms resting on the back; eating nuts, and throwing the + shells out of window as he cracked them, which he still continued to do + while speaking. + </p> + <p> + ‘Aye,’ he said, with a sulky nod. ‘You may deny your nephews till you die; + but Chevy Slyme is Chevy Slyme still, all the world over. Perhaps even you + may feel it some disgrace to your own blood to be employed in this way. + I’m to be bought off.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At every turn!’ cried Martin. ‘Self, self, self. Every one among them for + himself!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You had better save one or two among them the trouble then and be for + them as well as <i>your</i>self,’ replied his nephew. ‘Look here at me! Can you + see the man of your family who has more talent in his little finger than + all the rest in their united brains, dressed as a police officer without + being ashamed? I took up with this trade on purpose to shame you. I didn’t + think I should have to make a capture in the family, though.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If your debauchery, and that of your chosen friends, has really brought + you to this level,’ returned the old man, ‘keep it. You are living + honestly, I hope, and that’s something.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t be hard upon my chosen friends,’ returned Slyme, ‘for they were + sometimes your chosen friends too. Don’t say you never employed my friend + Tigg, for I know better. We quarrelled upon it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I hired the fellow,’ retorted Mr Chuzzlewit, ‘and I paid him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s well you paid him,’ said his nephew, ‘for it would be too late to do + so now. He has given his receipt in full; or had it forced from him + rather.’ + </p> + <p> + The old man looked at him as if he were curious to know what he meant, but + scorned to prolong the conversation. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have always expected that he and I would be brought together again in + the course of business,’ said Slyme, taking a fresh handful of nuts from + his pocket; ‘but I thought he would be wanted for some swindling job; it + never entered my head that I should hold a warrant for the apprehension of + his murderer.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>His </i>murderer!’ cried Mr Chuzzlewit, looking from one to another. + </p> + <p> + ‘His or Mr Montague’s,’ said Nadgett. ‘They are the same, I am told. I + accuse him yonder of the murder of Mr Montague, who was found last night, + killed, in a wood. You will ask me why I accuse him as you have already + asked me how I know so much. I’ll tell you. It can’t remain a secret + long.’ + </p> + <p> + The ruling passion of the man expressed itself even then, in the tone of + regret in which he deplored the approaching publicity of what he knew. + </p> + <p> + ‘I told you I had watched him,’ he proceeded. ‘I was instructed to do so + by Mr Montague, in whose employment I have been for some time. We had our + suspicions of him; and you know what they pointed at, for you have been + discussing it since we have been waiting here, outside the room. If you + care to hear, now it’s all over, in what our suspicions began, I’ll tell + you plainly: in a quarrel (it first came to our ears through a hint of his + own) between him and another office in which his father’s life was + insured, and which had so much doubt and distrust upon the subject, that + he compounded with them, and took half the money; and was glad to do it. + Bit by bit, I ferreted out more circumstances against him, and not a few. + It required a little patience, but it’s my calling. I found the nurse—here + she is to confirm me; I found the doctor, I found the undertaker, I found + the undertaker’s man. I found out how the old gentleman there, Mr Chuffey, + had behaved at the funeral; and I found out what this man,’ touching + Lewsome on the arm, ‘had talked about in his fever. I found out how he + conducted himself before his father’s death, and how since and how at the + time; and writing it all down, and putting it carefully together, made + case enough for Mr Montague to tax him with the crime, which (as he + himself believed until to-night) he had committed. I was by when this was + done. You see him now. He is only worse than he was then.’ + </p> + <p> + Oh, miserable, miserable fool! oh, insupportable, excruciating torture! To + find alive and active—a party to it all—the brain and + right-hand of the secret he had thought to crush! In whom, though he had + walled the murdered man up, by enchantment in a rock, the story would have + lived and walked abroad! He tried to stop his ears with his fettered arms, + that he might shut out the rest. + </p> + <p> + As he crouched upon the floor, they drew away from him as if a pestilence + were in his breath. They fell off, one by one, from that part of the room, + leaving him alone upon the ground. Even those who had him in their keeping + shunned him, and (with the exception of Slyme, who was still occupied with + his nuts) kept apart. + </p> + <p> + ‘From that garret-window opposite,’ said Nadgett, pointing across the + narrow street, ‘I have watched this house and him for days and nights. + From that garret-window opposite I saw him return home, alone, from a + journey on which he had set out with Mr Montague. That was my token that + Mr Montague’s end was gained; and I might rest easy on my watch, though I + was not to leave it until he dismissed me. But, standing at the door + opposite, after dark that same night, I saw a countryman steal out of this + house, by a side-door in the court, who had never entered it. I knew his + walk, and that it was himself, disguised. I followed him immediately. I + lost him on the western road, still travelling westward.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas looked up at him for an instant, and muttered an oath. + </p> + <p> + ‘I could not comprehend what this meant,’ said Nadgett; ‘but, having seen + so much, I resolved to see it out, and through. And I did. Learning, on + inquiry at his house from his wife, that he was supposed to be sleeping in + the room from which I had seen him go out, and that he had given strict + orders not to be disturbed, I knew that he was coming back; and for his + coming back I watched. I kept my watch in the street—in doorways, + and such places—all that night; at the same window, all next day; + and when night came on again, in the street once more. For I knew he would + come back, as he had gone out, when this part of the town was empty. He + did. Early in the morning, the same countryman came creeping, creeping, + creeping home.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Look sharp!’ interposed Slyme, who had now finished his nuts. ‘This is + quite irregular, Mr Nadgett.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I kept at the window all day,’ said Nadgett, without heeding him. ‘I + think I never closed my eyes. At night, I saw him come out with a bundle. + I followed him again. He went down the steps at London Bridge, and sunk it + in the river. I now began to entertain some serious fears, and made a + communication to the Police, which caused that bundle to be—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To be fished up,’ interrupted Slyme. ‘Be alive, Mr Nadgett.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It contained the dress I had seen him wear,’ said Nadgett; ‘stained with + clay, and spotted with blood. Information of the murder was received in + town last night. The wearer of that dress is already known to have been + seen near the place; to have been lurking in that neighbourhood; and to + have alighted from a coach coming from that part of the country, at a time + exactly tallying with the very minute when I saw him returning home. The + warrant has been out, and these officers have been with me, some hours. We + chose our time; and seeing you come in, and seeing this person at the + window—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beckoned to him,’ said Mark, taking up the thread of the narrative, on + hearing this allusion to himself, ‘to open the door; which he did with a + deal of pleasure.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That’s all at present,’ said Nadgett, putting up his great pocketbook, + which from mere habit he had produced when he began his revelation, and + had kept in his hand all the time; ‘but there is plenty more to come. You + asked me for the facts, so far I have related them, and need not detain + these gentlemen any longer. Are you ready, Mr Slyme?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And something more,’ replied that worthy, rising. ‘If you walk round to + the office, we shall be there as soon as you. Tom! Get a coach!’ + </p> + <p> + The officer to whom he spoke departed for that purpose. Old Martin + lingered for a few moments, as if he would have addressed some words to + Jonas; but looking round, and seeing him still seated on the floor, + rocking himself in a savage manner to and fro, took Chuffey’s arm, and + slowly followed Nadgett out. John Westlock and Mark Tapley accompanied + them. Mrs Gamp had tottered out first, for the better display of her + feelings, in a kind of walking swoon; for Mrs Gamp performed swoons of + different sorts, upon a moderate notice, as Mr Mould did Funerals. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ muttered Slyme, looking after them. ‘Upon my soul! As insensible of + being disgraced by having such a nephew as myself, in such a situation, as + he was of my being an honour and a credit to the family! That’s the return + I get for having humbled my spirit—such a spirit as mine—to + earn a livelihood, is it?’ + </p> + <p> + He got up from his chair, and kicked it away indignantly. + </p> + <p> + ‘And such a livelihood too! When there are hundreds of men, not fit to + hold a candle to me, rolling in carriages and living on their fortunes. + Upon my soul it’s a nice world!’ + </p> + <p> + His eyes encountered Jonas, who looked earnestly towards him, and moved + his lips as if he were whispering. + </p> + <p> + ‘Eh?’ said Slyme. + </p> + <p> + Jonas glanced at the attendant whose back was towards him, and made a + clumsy motion with his bound hands towards the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Humph!’ said Slyme, thoughtfully. ‘I couldn’t hope to disgrace him into + anything when you have shot so far ahead of me though. I forgot that.’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas repeated the same look and gesture. + </p> + <p> + ‘Jack!’ said Slyme. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hallo!’ returned his man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Go down to the door, ready for the coach. Call out when it comes. I’d + rather have you there. Now then,’ he added, turning hastily to Jonas, when + the man was gone. ‘What’s the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + Jonas essayed to rise. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop a bit,’ said Slyme. ‘It’s not so easy when your wrists are tight + together. Now then! Up! What is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Put your hand in my pocket. Here! The breast pocket, on the left!’ said + Jonas. + </p> + <p> + He did so; and drew out a purse. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s a hundred pound in it,’ said Jonas, whose words were almost + unintelligible; as his face, in its pallor and agony, was scarcely human. + </p> + <p> + Slyme looked at him; gave it into his hands; and shook his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can’t. I daren’t. I couldn’t if I dared. Those fellows below—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Escape’s impossible,’ said Jonas. ‘I know it. One hundred pound for only + five minutes in the next room!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What to do?’ he asked. + </p> + <p> + The face of his prisoner as he advanced to whisper in his ear, made him + recoil involuntarily. But he stopped and listened to him. The words were + few, but his own face changed as he heard them. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have it about me,’ said Jonas, putting his hands to his throat, as + though whatever he referred to were hidden in his neckerchief. ‘How should + you know of it? How could you know? A hundred pound for only five minutes + in the next room! The time’s passing. Speak!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It would be more—more creditable to the family,’ observed Slyme, + with trembling lips. ‘I wish you hadn’t told me half so much. Less would + have served your purpose. You might have kept it to yourself.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room! Speak!’ cried + Jonas, desperately. + </p> + <p> + He took the purse. Jonas, with a wild unsteady step, retreated to the door + in the glass partition. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop!’ cried Slyme, catching at his skirts. ‘I don’t know about this. Yet + it must end so at last. Are you guilty?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes!’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Are the proofs as they were told just now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes!’ said Jonas. + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you—will you engage to say a—a Prayer, now, or something + of that sort?’ faltered Slyme. + </p> + <p> + Jonas broke from him without replying, and closed the door between them. + </p> + <p> + Slyme listened at the keyhole. After that, he crept away on tiptoe, as far + off as he could; and looked awfully towards the place. He was roused by + the arrival of the coach, and their letting down the steps. + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s getting a few things together,’ he said, leaning out of window, and + speaking to the two men below, who stood in the full light of a + street-lamp. ‘Keep your eye upon the back, one of you, for form’s sake.’ + </p> + <p> + One of the men withdrew into the court. The other, seating himself self on + the steps of the coach, remained in conversation with Slyme at the window + who perhaps had risen to be his superior, in virtue of his old propensity + (one so much lauded by the murdered man) of being always round the corner. + A useful habit in his present calling. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is he?’ asked the man. + </p> + <p> + Slyme looked into the room for an instant and gave his head a jerk as much + as to say, ‘Close at hand. I see him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He’s booked,’ observed the man. + </p> + <p> + ‘Through,’ said Slyme. + </p> + <p> + They looked at each other, and up and down the street. The man on the + coach-steps took his hat off, and put it on again, and whistled a little. + </p> + <p> + ‘I say! He’s taking his time!’ he remonstrated. + </p> + <p> + ‘I allowed him five minutes,’ said Slyme. ‘Time’s more than up, though. + I’ll bring him down.’ + </p> + <p> + He withdrew from the window accordingly, and walked on tiptoe to the door + in the partition. He listened. There was not a sound within. He set the + candles near it, that they might shine through the glass. + </p> + <p> + It was not easy, he found, to make up his mind to the opening of the door. + But he flung it wide open suddenly, and with a noise; then retreated. + After peeping in and listening again, he entered. + </p> + <p> + He started back as his eyes met those of Jonas, standing in an angle of + the wall, and staring at him. His neckerchief was off; his face was ashy + pale. + </p> + <p> + ‘You’re too soon,’ said Jonas, with an abject whimper. ‘I’ve not had time. + I have not been able to do it. I—five minutes more—two minutes + more!—only one!’ + </p> + <p> + Slyme gave him no reply, but thrusting the purse upon him and forcing it + back into his pocket, called up his men. + </p> + <p> + He whined, and cried, and cursed, and entreated them, and struggled, and + submitted, in the same breath, and had no power to stand. They got him + away and into the coach, where they put him on a seat; but he soon fell + moaning down among the straw at the bottom, and lay there. + </p> + <p> + The two men were with him. Slyme being on the box with the driver; and + they let him lie. Happening to pass a fruiterer’s on their way; the door + of which was open, though the shop was by this time shut; one of them + remarked how faint the peaches smelled. + </p> + <p> + The other assented at the moment, but presently stooped down in quick + alarm, and looked at the prisoner. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stop the coach! He has poisoned himself! The smell comes from this bottle + in his hand!’ + </p> + <p> + The hand had shut upon it tight. With that rigidity of grasp with which no + living man, in the full strength and energy of life, can clutch a prize he + has won. + </p> + <p> + They dragged him out into the dark street; but jury, judge, and hangman, + could have done no more, and could do nothing now. Dead, dead, dead. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0052" id="link2HCH0052"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO + </h2> + <h3> + IN WHICH THE TABLES ARE TURNED, COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN + </h3> + <p> + Old Martin’s cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, so + frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure through the bursting forth of + the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with Mr Pecksniff, + were retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the occurrences just now + related. Stunned, as he had been at first by the intelligence conveyed to + him through Tom Pinch and John Westlock, of the supposed manner of his + brother’s death; overwhelmed as he was by the subsequent narratives of + Chuffey and Nadgett, and the forging of that chain of circumstances ending + in the death of Jonas, of which catastrophe he was immediately informed; + scattered as his purposes and hopes were for the moment, by the crowding + in of all these incidents between him and his end; still their very + intensity and the tumult of their assemblage nerved him to the rapid and + unyielding execution of his scheme. In every single circumstance, whether + it were cruel, cowardly, or false, he saw the flowering of the same + pregnant seed. Self; grasping, eager, narrow-ranging, overreaching self; + with its long train of suspicions, lusts, deceits, and all their growing + consequences; was the root of the vile tree. Mr Pecksniff had so presented + his character before the old man’s eyes, that he—the good, the + tolerant, enduring Pecksniff—had become the incarnation of all + selfishness and treachery; and the more odious the shapes in which those + vices ranged themselves before him now, the sterner consolation he had in + his design of setting Mr Pecksniff right and Mr Pecksniff’s victims too. + </p> + <p> + To this work he brought, not only the energy and determination natural to + his character (which, as the reader may have observed in the beginning of + his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was remarkable for the strong + development of those qualities), but all the forced and unnaturally + nurtured energy consequent upon their long suppression. And these two + tides of resolution setting into one and sweeping on, became so strong and + vigorous, that, to prevent themselves from being carried away before it, + Heaven knows where, was as much as John Westlock and Mark Tapley together + (though they were tolerably energetic too) could manage to effect. + </p> + <p> + He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival; and John, under + the conduct of Tom Pinch, had waited on him. Having a lively recollection + of Mr Tapley, he had caused that gentleman’s attendance to be secured, + through John’s means, without delay; and thus, as we have seen, they had + all repaired together to the City. But his grandson he had refused to see + until to-morrow, when Mr Tapley was instructed to summon him to the Temple + at ten o’clock in the forenoon. Tom he would not allow to be employed in + anything, lest he should be wrongfully suspected; but he was a party to + all their proceedings, and was with them until late at night—until + after they knew of the death of Jonas; when he went home to tell all these + wonders to little Ruth, and to prepare her for accompanying him to the + Temple in the morning, agreeably to Mr Chuzzlewit’s particular injunction. + </p> + <p> + It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something which + he had distinctly before him, that he communicated to them nothing of his + intentions, beyond such hints of reprisal on Mr Pecksniff as they gathered + from the game he had played in that gentleman’s house, and the brightening + of his eyes whenever his name was mentioned. Even to John Westlock, in + whom he was evidently disposed to place great confidence (which may indeed + be said of every one of them), he gave no explanation whatever. He merely + requested him to return in the morning; and with this for their utmost + satisfaction, they left him, when the night was far advanced, alone. + </p> + <p> + The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of a much + younger man than he, but he sat in deep and painful meditation until the + morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek any prolonged repose, but + merely slumbered in his chair, until seven o’clock, when Mr Tapley had + appointed to come to him by his desire; and came—as fresh and clean + and cheerful as the morning itself. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are punctual,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit, opening the door to him in reply + to his light knock, which had roused him instantly. + </p> + <p> + ‘My wishes, sir,’ replied Mr Tapley, whose mind would appear from the + context to have been running on the matrimonial service, ‘is to love, + honour, and obey. The clock’s a-striking now, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come in!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank’ee, sir,’ rejoined Mr Tapley, ‘what could I do for you first, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You gave my message to Martin?’ said the old man, bending his eyes upon + him. + </p> + <p> + ‘I did, sir,’ returned Mark; ‘and you never see a gentleman more surprised + in all your born days than he was.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What more did you tell him?’ Mr Chuzzlewit inquired. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, smiling, ‘I should have liked to tell him a + deal more, but not being able, sir, I didn’t tell it him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You told him all you knew?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But it was precious little, sir,’ retorted Mr Tapley. ‘There was very + little respectin’ you that I was able to tell him, sir. I only mentioned + my opinion that Mr Pecksniff would find himself deceived, sir, and that + you would find yourself deceived, and that he would find himself deceived, + sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In what?’ asked Mr Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + ‘Meaning him, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Meaning both him and me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ said Mr Tapley. ‘In your old opinions of each other. As to + him, sir, and his opinions, I know he’s a altered man. I know it. I know’d + it long afore he spoke to you t’other day, and I must say it. Nobody don’t + know half as much of him as I do. Nobody can’t. There was always a deal of + good in him, but a little of it got crusted over, somehow. I can’t say who + rolled the paste of that ‘ere crust myself, but—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go on,’ said Martin. ‘Why do you stop?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But it—well! I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, + sir. Unintentional I think it may have been you. I don’t believe that + neither of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There! Now I’ve got rid + on it,’ said Mr Tapley in a fit of desperation: ‘I can’t go a-carryin’ it + about in my own mind, bustin’ myself with it; yesterday was quite long + enough. It’s out now. I can’t help it. I’m sorry for it. Don’t wisit on + him, sir, that’s all.’ + </p> + <p> + It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and was + quite prepared to go. + </p> + <p> + ‘So you think,’ said Martin, ‘that his old faults are, in some degree, of + my creation, do you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, sir,’ retorted Mr Tapley, ‘I’m werry sorry, but I can’t unsay it. + It’s hardly fair of you, sir, to make a ignorant man conwict himself in + this way, but I <i>do</i> think so. I am as respectful disposed to you, sir, as a + man can be; but I <i>do</i> think so.’ + </p> + <p> + The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull steadiness of + Martin’s face, as he looked attentively at him, without replying. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yet you are an ignorant man, you say,’ he observed after a long pause. + </p> + <p> + ‘Werry much so,’ Mr Tapley replied. + </p> + <p> + ‘And I a learned, well-instructed man, you think?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Likewise wery much so,’ Mr Tapley answered. + </p> + <p> + The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice or + thrice before he added: + </p> + <p> + ‘You have left him this morning?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come straight from him now, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For what does he suppose?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He don’t know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him jest + wot passed yesterday, sir, and that you had said to me, “Can you be here + by seven in the morning?” and that you had said to him, through me, “Can + you be here by ten in the morning?” and that I had said “Yes” to both. + That’s all, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + His frankness was so genuine that it plainly <i>was </i>all. + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps,’ said Martin, ‘he may think you are going to desert him, and to + serve me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have served him in that sort of way, sir,’ replied Mark, without the + loss of any atom of his self-possession; ‘and we have been that sort of + companions in misfortune, that my opinion is, he don’t believe a word on + it. No more than you do, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will you help me to dress, and get me some breakfast from the hotel?’ + asked Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘With pleasure, sir,’ said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘And by-and-bye,’ said Martin, ‘remaining in the room, as I wish you to + do, will you attend to the door yonder—give admission to visitors, I + mean, when they knock?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Certainly, sir,’ said Mr Tapley. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their appearance,’ + Martin suggested. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear no, sir!’ said Mr Tapley, ‘not at all.’ + </p> + <p> + Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was in a + state of unbounded astonishment even now. Martin appeared to observe it, + and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr Tapley under these + perplexing circumstances; for, in spite of the composure of his voice and + the gravity of his face, the same indistinct light flickered on the latter + several times. Mark bestirred himself, however, to execute the offices + with which he was entrusted; and soon lost all tendency to any outward + expression of his surprise, in the occupation of being brisk and busy. + </p> + <p> + But when he had put Mr Chuzzlewit’s clothes in good order for dressing, + and when that gentleman was dressed and sitting at his breakfast, Mr + Tapley’s feelings of wonder began to return upon him with great violence; + and, standing beside the old man with a napkin under his arm (it was as + natural and easy to joke to Mark to be a butler in the Temple, as it had + been to volunteer as cook on board the Screw), he found it difficult to + resist the temptation of casting sidelong glances at him very often. Nay, + he found it impossible; and accordingly yielded to this impulse so often, + that Martin caught him in the fact some fifty times. The extraordinary + things Mr Tapley did with his own face when any of these detections + occurred; the sudden occasions he had to rub his eyes or his nose or his + chin; the look of wisdom with which he immediately plunged into the + deepest thought, or became intensely interested in the habits and customs + of the flies upon the ceiling, or the sparrows out of doors; or the + overwhelming politeness with which he endeavoured to hide his confusion by + handing the muffin; may not unreasonably be assumed to have exercised the + utmost power of feature that even Martin Chuzzlewit the elder possessed. + </p> + <p> + But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure, or made + a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate or drank, and frequently lapsed + into long intervals of musing. When he had finished, Mark sat down to his + breakfast at the same table; and Mr Chuzzlewit, quite silent still, walked + up and down the room. + </p> + <p> + Mark cleared away in due course, and set a chair out for him, in which, as + the time drew on towards ten o’clock, he took his seat, leaning his hands + upon his stick, and clenching them upon the handle, and resting his chin + on them again. All his impatience and abstraction of manner had vanished + now; and as he sat there, looking, with his keen eyes, steadily towards + the door, Mark could not help thinking what a firm, square, powerful face + it was; or exulting in the thought that Mr Pecksniff, after playing a + pretty long game of bowls with its owner, seemed to be at last in a very + fair way of coming in for a rubber or two. + </p> + <p> + Mark’s uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, and by + whom to whom, would have excited him in itself. But knowing for a + certainty besides, that young Martin was coming, and in a very few minutes + must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain quiet and silent. But, + excepting that he occasionally coughed in a hollow and unnatural manner to + relieve himself, he behaved with great decorum through the longest ten + minutes he had ever known. + </p> + <p> + A knock at the door. Mr Westlock. Mr Tapley, in admitting him, raised his + eyebrows to the highest possible pitch, implying thereby that he + considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr Chuzzlewit received + him very courteously. + </p> + <p> + Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister, who were coming up + the stairs. The old man went to meet them; took their hands in his; and + kissed her on the cheek. As this looked promising, Mr Tapley smiled + benignantly. + </p> + <p> + Mr Chuzzlewit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was close + behind them, entered. The old man, scarcely looking at him, pointed to a + distant seat. This was less encouraging; and Mr Tapley’s spirits fell + again. + </p> + <p> + He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not start, or + cry, or tumble down, at sight of Miss Graham and Mrs Lupin, but he drew a + very long breath, and came back perfectly resigned, looking on them and on + the rest with an expression which seemed to say that nothing could + surprise him any more; and that he was rather glad to have done with that + sensation for ever. + </p> + <p> + The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom + Pinch’s sister. A look of friendly recognition passed between himself and + Mrs Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect understanding between + them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr Tapley; for, as he afterwards + observed, he had retired from the business, and sold off the stock. + </p> + <p> + Not the least curious feature in this assemblage was, that everybody + present was so much surprised and embarrassed by the sight of everybody + else, that nobody ventured to speak. Mr Chuzzlewit alone broke silence. + </p> + <p> + ‘Set the door open, Mark!’ he said; ‘and come here.’ + </p> + <p> + Mark obeyed. + </p> + <p> + The last appointed footstep sounded now upon the stairs. They all knew it. + It was Mr Pecksniff’s; and Mr Pecksniff was in a hurry too, for he came + bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he stumbled twice or + thrice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is my venerable friend?’ he cried upon the upper landing; and then + with open arms came darting in. + </p> + <p> + Old Martin merely looked at him; but Mr Pecksniff started back as if he + had received the charge from an electric battery. + </p> + <p> + ‘My venerable friend is well?’ cried Mr Pecksniff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite well.’ + </p> + <p> + It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands and, + looking upwards with a pious joy, silently expressed his gratitude. He + then looked round on the assembled group, and shook his head + reproachfully. For such a man severely, quite severely. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, vermin!’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘Oh, bloodsuckers! Is it not enough that + you have embittered the existence of an individual wholly unparalleled in + the biographical records of amiable persons, but must you now, even now, + when he has made his election, and reposed his trust in a Numble, but at + least sincere and disinterested relative; must you now, vermin and + swarmers (I regret to make use of these strong expressions, my dear sir, + but there are times when honest indignation will not be controlled), must + you now, vermin and swarmers (for I <i>will </i>repeat it), take advantage of his + unprotected state, assemble round him from all quarters, as wolves and + vultures, and other animals of the feathered tribe assemble round—I + will not say round carrion or a carcass, for Mr Chuzzlewit is quite the + contrary—but round their prey; their prey; to rifle and despoil; + gorging their voracious maws, and staining their offensive beaks, with + every description of carnivorous enjoyment!’ + </p> + <p> + As he stopped to fetch his breath, he waved them off, in a solemn manner, + with his hand. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20805m.jpg" alt="20805m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20805.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + ‘Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers!’ he continued; ‘leave him! + leave him, I say! Begone! Abscond! You had better be off! Wander over the + face of the earth, young sirs, like vagabonds as you are, and do not + presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the grey hairs of the + patriarchal gentleman to whose tottering limbs I have the honour to act as + an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming, prop and staff. And you, my tender + sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, addressing himself in a tone of gentle + remonstrance to the old man, ‘how could you ever leave me, though even for + this short period! You have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon some + act of kindness to me; bless you for it; but you must not do it; you must + not be so venturesome. I should really be angry with you if I could, my + friend!’ + </p> + <p> + He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man’s hand. But he had + not seen how the hand clasped and clutched the stick within its grasp. As + he came smiling on, and got within his reach, old Martin, with his burning + indignation crowded into one vehement burst, and flashing out of every + line and wrinkle in his face, rose up, and struck him down upon the + ground. + </p> + <p> + With such a well-directed nervous blow, that down he went, as heavily and + true as if the charge of a Life-Guardsman had tumbled him out of a saddle. + And whether he was stunned by the shock, or only confused by the wonder + and novelty of this warm reception, he did not offer to get up again; but + lay there, looking about him with a disconcerted meekness in his face so + enormously ridiculous, that neither Mark Tapley nor John Westlock could + repress a smile, though both were actively interposing to prevent a + repetition of the blow; which the old man’s gleaming eyes and vigorous + attitude seemed to render one of the most probable events in the world. + </p> + <p> + ‘Drag him away! Take him out of my reach!’ said Martin; ‘or I can’t help + it. The strong restraint I have put upon my hands has been enough to palsy + them. I am not master of myself while he is within their range. Drag him + away!’ + </p> + <p> + Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr Tapley, without any compromise about + it, actually did drag him away, and stick him up on the floor, with his + back against the opposite wall. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hear me, rascal!’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. ‘I have summoned you here to + witness your own work. I have summoned you here to witness it, because I + know it will be gall and wormwood to you! I have summoned you here to + witness it, because I know the sight of everybody here must be a dagger in + your mean, false heart! What! do you know me as I am, at last!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face and + speech and figure was a sight to stare at. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look there!’ said the old man, pointing at him, and appealing to the + rest. ‘Look there! And then—come hither, my dear Martin—look + here! here! here!’ At every repetition of the word he pressed his grandson + closer to his breast. + </p> + <p> + ‘The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this,’ he said, ‘was in + the blow I struck just now. Why did we ever part! How could we ever part! + How could you ever fly from me to him!’ + </p> + <p> + Martin was about to answer, but he stopped him, and went on. + </p> + <p> + ‘The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today, and I + have known it long; though not so long as I might have done. Mary, my + love, come here.’ + </p> + <p> + As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair, and stood + beside it with her hand in his; and Martin standing by him. + </p> + <p> + ‘The curse of our house,’ said the old man, looking kindly down upon her, + ‘has been the love of self; has ever been the love of self. How often have + I said so, when I never knew that I had wrought it upon others.’ + </p> + <p> + He drew one hand through Martin’s arm, and standing so, between them, + proceeded thus: + </p> + <p> + ‘You all know how I bred this orphan up, to tend me. None of you can know + by what degrees I have come to regard her as a daughter; for she has won + upon me, by her self-forgetfulness, her tenderness, her patience, all the + goodness of her nature, when Heaven is her witness that I took but little + pains to draw it forth. It blossomed without cultivation, and it ripened + without heat. I cannot find it in my heart to say that I am sorry for it + now, or yonder fellow might be holding up his head.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff put his hand into his waistcoat, and slightly shook that part + of him to which allusion had been made; as if to signify that it was still + uppermost. + </p> + <p> + ‘There is a kind of selfishness,’ said Martin—‘I have learned it in + my own experience of my own breast—which is constantly upon the + watch for selfishness in others; and holding others at a distance, by + suspicions and distrusts, wonders why they don’t approach, and don’t + confide, and calls that selfishness in them. Thus I once doubted those + about me—not without reason in the beginning—and thus I once + doubted you, Martin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not without reason,’ Martin answered, ‘either.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Listen, hypocrite! Listen, smooth-tongued, servile, crawling knave!’ said + Martin. ‘Listen, you shallow dog. What! When I was seeking him, you had + already spread your nets; you were already fishing for him, were ye? When + I lay ill in this good woman’s house and your meek spirit pleaded for my + grandson, you had already caught him, had ye? Counting on the restoration + of the love you knew I bore him, you designed him for one of your two + daughters did ye? Or failing that, you traded in him as a speculation + which at any rate should blind me with the lustre of your charity, and + found a claim upon me! Why, even then I knew you, and I told you so. Did I + tell you that I knew you, even then?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not angry, sir,’ said Mr Pecksniff, softly. ‘I can bear a great deal + from you. I will never contradict you, Mr Chuzzlewit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Observe!’ said Martin, looking round. ‘I put myself in that man’s hands + on terms as mean and base, and as degrading to himself, as I could render + them in words. I stated them at length to him, before his own children, + syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could, and with as much offence, + and with as plain an exposition of my contempt, as words—not looks + and manner merely—could convey. If I had only called the angry blood + into his face, I would have wavered in my purpose. If I had only stung him + into being a man for a minute I would have abandoned it. If he had offered + me one word of remonstrance, in favour of the grandson whom he supposed I + had disinherited; if he had pleaded with me, though never so faintly, + against my appeal to him to abandon him to misery and cast him from his + house; I think I could have borne with him for ever afterwards. But not a + word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human passions was the office + of his nature; and faithfully he did his work!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not angry,’ observed Mr Pecksniff. ‘I am hurt, Mr Chuzzlewit; + wounded in my feelings; but I am not angry, my good sir.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Chuzzlewit resumed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Once resolved to try him, I was resolute to pursue the trial to the end; + but while I was bent on fathoming the depth of his duplicity, I made a + sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on the other side + for any latent spark of goodness, honour, forbearance—any virtue—that + might glimmer in him. For first to last there has been no such thing. Not + once. He cannot say I have not given him opportunity. He cannot say I have + ever led him on. He cannot say I have not left him freely to himself in + all things; or that I have not been a passive instrument in his hands, + which he might have used for good as easily as evil. Or if he can, he + Lies! And that’s his nature, too.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit,’ interrupted Pecksniff, shedding tears. ‘I am not angry, + sir. I cannot be angry with you. But did you never, my dear sir, express a + desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked arts has estranged + your good opinion from me, for the time being; only for the time being; + that your grandson, Mr Chuzzlewit, should be dismissed my house? Recollect + yourself, my Christian friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have said so, have I not?’ retorted the old man, sternly. ‘I could not + tell how far your specious hypocrisy had deceived him, knave; and knew no + better way of opening his eyes than by presenting you before him in your + own servile character. Yes. I did express that desire. And you leaped to + meet it; and you met it; and turning in an instant on the hand you had + licked and beslavered, as only such hounds can, you strengthened, and + confirmed, and justified me in my scheme.’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff made a bow; a submissive, not to say a grovelling and an + abject bow. If he had been complimented on his practice of the loftiest + virtues, he never could have bowed as he bowed then. + </p> + <p> + ‘The wretched man who has been murdered,’ Mr Chuzzlewit went on to say; + ‘then passing by the name of—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Tigg,’ suggested Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of Tigg; brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of his, and + an unworthy relative of mine; and finding him a man well enough suited to + my purpose, I employed him to glean some news of you, Martin, for me. It + was from him I learned that you had taken up your abode with yonder + fellow. It was he, who meeting you here in town, one evening—you + remember where?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘At the pawnbroker’s shop,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes; watched you to your lodging, and enabled me to send you a + bank-note.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I little thought,’ said Martin, greatly moved, ‘that it had come from + you; I little thought that you were interested in my fate. If I had—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you had,’ returned the old man, sorrowfully, ‘you would have shown + less knowledge of me as I seemed to be, and as I really was. I hoped to + bring you back, Martin, penitent and humbled. I hoped to distress you into + coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had that to acknowledge which I + could not reconcile it to myself to avow, then, unless you made submission + to me first. Thus it was I lost you. If I have had, indirectly, any act or + part in the fate of that unhappy man, by putting means, however small, + within his reach, Heaven forgive me! I might have known, perhaps, that he + would misuse money; that it was ill-bestowed upon him; and that sown by + his hands it could engender mischief only. But I never thought of him at + that time as having the disposition or ability to be a serious impostor, + or otherwise than as a thoughtless, idle-humoured, dissipated spendthrift, + sinning more against himself than others, and frequenting low haunts and + indulging vicious tastes, to his own ruin only.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Beggin’ your pardon, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, who had Mrs Lupin on his arm + by this time, quite agreeably; ‘if I may make so bold as say so, my + opinion is, as you was quite correct, and that he turned out perfectly + nat’ral for all that. There’s surprisin’ number of men sir, who as long as + they’ve only got their own shoes and stockings to depend upon, will walk + down hill, along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves, and not do + much harm. But set any on ‘em up with a coach and horses, sir; and it’s + wonderful what a knowledge of drivin’ he’ll show, and how he’ll fill his + wehicle with passengers, and start off in the middle of the road, neck or + nothing, to the Devil! Bless your heart, sir, there’s ever so many Tiggs + a-passin’ this here Temple-gate any hour in the day, that only want a + chance to turn out full-blown Montagues every one!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit, ‘is wiser than + some men’s enlightenment, and mine among them. You are right; not for the + first time to-day. Now hear me out, my dears. And hear me, you, who, if + what I have been told be accurately stated, are Bankrupt in pocket no less + than in good name! And when you have heard me, leave this place, and + poison my sight no more!’ + </p> + <p> + Mr Pecksniff laid his hand upon his breast, and bowed again. + </p> + <p> + ‘The penance I have done in this house,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit, ‘has earned + this reflection with it constantly, above all others. That if it had + pleased Heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as really had reduced + me to the state in which I feigned to be, I should have brought its misery + upon myself. Oh, you whose wealth, like mine, has been a source of + continual unhappiness, leading you to distrust the nearest and dearest, + and to dig yourself a living grave of suspicion and reserve; take heed + that, having cast off all whom you might have bound to you, and tenderly, + you do not become in your decay the instrument of such a man as this, and + waken in another world to the knowledge of such wrong as would embitter + Heaven itself, if wrong or you could ever reach it!’ + </p> + <p> + And then he told them how he had sometimes thought, in the beginning, that + love might grow up between Mary and Martin; and how he had pleased his + fancy with the picture of observing it when it was new, and taking them to + task, apart, in counterfeited doubt, and then confessing to them that it + had been an object dear to his heart; and by his sympathy with them, and + generous provision for their young fortunes, establishing a claim on their + affection and regard which nothing should wither, and which should + surround his old age with means of happiness. How in the first dawn of + this design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for the happiness of + others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had come to tell him that + he had already chosen for himself; knowing that he, the old man, had some + faint project on that head, but ignorant whom it concerned. How it was + little comfort to him to know that Martin had chosen Her, because the + grace of his design was lost, and because finding that she had returned + his love, he tortured himself with the reflection that they, so young, to + whom he had been so kind a benefactor, were already like the world, and + bent on their own selfish, stealthy ends. How in the bitterness of this + impression, and of his past experience, he had reproached Martin so + harshly (forgetting that he had never invited his confidence on such a + point, and confounding what he had meant to do with what he had done), + that high words sprung up between them, and they separated in wrath. How + he loved him still, and hoped he would return. How on the night of his + illness at the Dragon, he had secretly written tenderly of him, and made + him his heir, and sanctioned his marriage with Mary; and how, after his + interview with Mr Pecksniff, he had distrusted him again, and burnt the + paper to ashes, and had lain down in his bed distracted by suspicions, + doubts, and regrets. + </p> + <p> + And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pecksniff, and to prove + the constancy and truth of Mary (to himself no less than Martin), he had + conceived and entered on his plan; and how, beneath her gentleness and + patience, he had softened more and more; still more and more beneath the + goodness and simplicity, the honour and the manly faith of Tom. And when + he spoke of Tom, he said God bless him; and the tears were in his eyes; + for he said that Tom, mistrusted and disliked by him at first, had come + like summer rain upon his heart; and had disposed it to believe in better + things. And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary too, and John, his old + friend, stoutly too; and Mark, and Mrs Lupin, and his sister, little Ruth. + And peace of mind, deep, tranquil peace of mind, was in Tom’s heart. + </p> + <p> + The old man then related how nobly Mr Pecksniff had performed the duty in + which he stood indebted to society, in the matter of Tom’s dismissal; and + how, having often heard disparagement of Mr Westlock from Pecksniffian + lips, and knowing him to be a friend to Tom, he had used, through his + confidential agent and solicitor, that little artifice which had kept him + in readiness to receive his unknown friend in London. And he called on Mr + Pecksniff (by the name of Scoundrel) to remember that there again he had + not trapped him to do evil, but that he had done it of his own free will + and agency; nay, that he had cautioned him against it. And once again he + called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Hang-dog) to remember that when + Martin coming home at last, an altered man, had sued for the forgiveness + which awaited him, he, Pecksniff, had rejected him in language of his own, + and had remorsely stepped in between him and the least touch of natural + tenderness. ‘For which,’ said the old man, ‘if the bending of my finger + would remove a halter from your neck, I wouldn’t bend it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin,’ he added, ‘your rival has not been a dangerous one, but Mrs + Lupin here has played duenna for some weeks; not so much to watch your + love as to watch her lover. For that Ghoul’—his fertility in finding + names for Mr Pecksniff was astonishing—‘would have crawled into her + daily walks otherwise, and polluted the fresh air. What’s this? Her hand + is trembling strangely. See if you can hold it.’ + </p> + <p> + Hold it! If he clasped it half as tightly as he did her waist. Well, well! + </p> + <p> + But it was good in him that even then, in his high fortune and happiness, + with her lips nearly printed on his own, and her proud young beauty in his + close embrace, he had a hand still left to stretch out to Tom Pinch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Tom! Dear Tom! I saw you, accidentally, coming here. Forgive me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Forgive!’ cried Tom. ‘I’ll never forgive you as long as I live, Martin, + if you say another syllable about it. Joy to you both! Joy, my dear + fellow, fifty thousand times.’ + </p> + <p> + Joy! There is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. There is + not a blessing on earth that Tom would not have bestowed upon them, if he + could. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, stepping forward, ‘but yow was + mentionin’, just now, a lady of the name of Lupin, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was,’ returned old Martin + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir. It’s a pretty name, sir?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A very good name,’ said Martin. + </p> + <p> + ‘It seems a’most a pity to change such a name into Tapley. Don’t it, sir?’ + said Mark. + </p> + <p> + ‘That depends upon the lady. What is <i>her </i>opinion?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, sir,’ said Mr Tapley, retiring, with a bow, towards the buxom + hostess, ‘her opinion is as the name ain’t a change for the better, but + the indiwidual may be, and, therefore, if nobody ain’t acquainted with no + jest cause or impediment, et cetrer, the Blue Dragon will be con-werted + into the Jolly Tapley. A sign of my own inwention, sir. Wery new, + conwivial, and expressive!’ + </p> + <p> + The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr Pecksniff that he + stood with his eyes fixed upon the floor and his hands clasping one + another alternately, as if a host of penal sentences were being passed + upon him. Not only did his figure appear to have shrunk, but his + discomfiture seemed to have extended itself even to his dress. His clothes + seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to have turned yellow, his hair + to have become lank and frowsy; his very boots looked villanous and dim, + as if their gloss had departed with his own. + </p> + <p> + Feeling, rather than seeing, that the old man now pointed to the door, he + raised his eyes, picked up his hat, and thus addressed him: + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Chuzzlewit, sir! you have partaken of my hospitality.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And paid for it,’ he observed. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you. That savours,’ said Mr Pecksniff, taking out his + pocket-handkerchief, ‘of your old familiar frankness. You have paid for + it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. Thank you + again. I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of your health and + faculties on any terms, is, in itself, a sufficient recompense. To have + been deceived implies a trusting nature. Mine is a trusting nature. I am + thankful for it. I would rather have a trusting nature, do you know, sir, + than a doubting one!’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mr Pecksniff, with a sad smile, bowed, and wiped his eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘There is hardly any person present, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ said Pecksniff, ‘by + whom I have not been deceived. I have forgiven those persons on the spot. + That was my duty; and, of course, I have done it. Whether it was worthy of + you to partake of my hospitality, and to act the part you did act in my + house, that, sir, is a question which I leave to your own conscience. And + your conscience does not acquit you. No, sir, no!’ + </p> + <p> + Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr Pecksniff was + not so absolutely lost in his own fervour as to be unmindful of the + expediency of getting a little nearer to the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been struck this day,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘with a walking stick + (which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it), on that delicate + and exquisite portion of the human anatomy—the brain. Several blows + have been inflicted, sir, without a walking-stick, upon that tenderer + portion of my frame—my heart. You have mentioned, sir, my being + bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. By an unfortunate speculation, + combined with treachery, I find myself reduced to poverty; at a time, sir, + when the child of my bosom is widowed, and affliction and disgrace are in + my family.’ + </p> + <p> + Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or three + little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or three other + little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer of his conscience, + to express ‘Cheer up, my boy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I not + know, sir’—here he became exceedingly plaintive and was observed to + glance towards Tom Pinch—‘that my misfortunes bring this treatment + on me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never should have heard + what I have heard to-day? Do I not know that in the silence and the + solitude of night, a little voice will whisper in your ear, Mr Chuzzlewit, + “This was not well. This was not well, sir!” Think of this, sir (if you + will have the goodness), remote from the impulses of passion, and apart + from the specialities, if I may use that strong remark, of prejudice. And + if you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for + entertaining some doubt of your doing, after the conduct into which you + have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day; if you ever contemplate the + silent tomb sir, think of me. If you find yourself approaching to the + silent tomb, sir, think of me. If you should wish to have anything + inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be, that I—ah, my + remorseful sir! that I—the humble individual who has now the honour + of reproaching you, forgave you. That I forgave you when my injuries were + fresh, and when my bosom was newly wrung. It may be bitterness to you to + hear it now, sir, but you will live to seek a consolation in it. May you + find a consolation in it when you want it, sir! Good morning!’ + </p> + <p> + With this sublime address, Mr Pecksniff departed. But the effect of his + departure was much impaired by his being immediately afterwards run + against, and nearly knocked down, by a monstrously excited little man in + velveteen shorts and a very tall hat; who came bursting up the stairs, and + straight into the chambers of Mr Chuzzlewit, as if he were deranged. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is there anybody here that knows him?’ cried the little man. ‘Is there + anybody here that knows him? Oh, my stars, is there anybody here that + knows him?’ + </p> + <p> + They looked at each other for an explanation; but nobody knew anything + more than that here was an excited little man with a very tall hat on, + running in and out of the room as hard as he could go; making his single + pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a dozen; and constantly + repeating in a shrill voice, ‘<i>is</i> there anybody here that knows him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If your brains is not turned topjy turjey, Mr Sweedlepipes!’ exclaimed + another voice, ‘hold that there nige of yourn, I beg you, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + At the same time Mrs Gamp was seen in the doorway; out of breath from + coming up so many stairs, and panting fearfully; but dropping curtseys to + the last. + </p> + <p> + ‘Excuge the weakness of the man,’ said Mrs Gamp, eyeing Mr Sweedlepipe + with great indignation; ‘and well I might expect it, as I should have + know’d, and wishin’ he was drownded in the Thames afore I had brought him + here, which not a blessed hour ago he nearly shaved the noge off from the + father of as lovely a family as ever, Mr Chuzzlewit, was born three sets + of twins, and would have done it, only he see it a-goin’ in the glass, and + dodged the rager. And never, Mr Sweedlepipes, I do assure you, sir, did I + so well know what a misfortun it was to be acquainted with you, as now I + do, which so I say, sir, and I don’t deceive you!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen all,’ cried the little barber, + taking off his hat, ‘and yours too, Mrs Gamp. But—but,’ he added + this half laughing and half crying, ‘<i>is</i> there anybody here that knows + him?’ + </p> + <p> + As the barber said these words, a something in top-boots, with its head + bandaged up, staggered into the room, and began going round and round and + round, apparently under the impression that it was walking straight + forward. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look at him!’ cried the excited little barber. ‘Here he is! That’ll soon + wear off, and then he’ll be all right again. He’s no more dead than I am. + He’s all alive and hearty. Aint you, Bailey?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘R—r—reether so, Poll!’ replied that gentleman. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look here!’ cried the little barber, laughing and crying in the same + breath. ‘When I steady him he comes all right. There! He’s all right now. + Nothing’s the matter with him now, except that he’s a little shook and + rather giddy; is there, Bailey?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘R—r—reether shook, Poll—reether so!’ said Mr Bailey. + ‘What, my lovely Sairey! There you air!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What a boy he is!’ cried the tender-hearted Poll, actually sobbing over + him. ‘I never see sech a boy! It’s all his fun. He’s full of it. He shall + go into the business along with me. I am determined he shall. We’ll make + it Sweedlepipe and Bailey. He shall have the sporting branch (what a one + he’ll be for the matches!) and me the shavin’. I’ll make over the birds to + him as soon as ever he’s well enough. He shall have the little bullfinch + in the shop, and all. He’s sech a boy! I ask your pardon, ladies and + gentlemen, but I thought there might be some one here that know’d him!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp had observed, not without jealousy and scorn, that a favourable + impression appeared to exist in behalf of Mr Sweedlepipe and his young + friend; and that she had fallen rather into the background in consequence. + She now struggled to the front, therefore, and stated her business. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ she said, ‘is well beknown to Mrs Harris as has + one sweet infant (though she <i>do</i> not wish it known) in her own family by + the mother’s side, kep in spirits in a bottle; and that sweet babe she see + at Greenwich Fair, a-travelling in company with a pink-eyed lady, Prooshan + dwarf, and livin’ skelinton, which judge her feelings when the barrel + organ played, and she was showed her own dear sister’s child, the same not + bein’ expected from the outside picter, where it was painted quite + contrairy in a livin’ state, a many sizes larger, and performing beautiful + upon the Arp, which never did that dear child know or do; since breathe it + never did, to speak on in this wale! And Mrs Harris, Mr Chuzzlewit, has + knowed me many year, and can give you information that the lady which is + widdered can’t do better and may do worse, than let me wait upon her, + which I hope to do. Permittin’ the sweet faces as I see afore me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh!’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. ‘Is that your business? Was this good person + paid for the trouble we gave her?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I paid her, sir,’ returned Mark Tapley; ‘liberal.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The young man’s words is true,’ said Mrs Gamp, ‘and thank you kindly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then here we will close our acquaintance, Mrs Gamp,’ retorted Mr + Chuzzlewit. ‘And Mr Sweedlepipe—is that your name?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That is my name, sir,’ replied Poll, accepting with a profusion of + gratitude, some chinking pieces which the old man slipped into his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mr Sweedlepipe, take as much care of your lady-lodger as you can, and + give her a word or two of good advice now and then. Such,’ said old + Martin, looking gravely at the astonished Mrs Gamp, ‘as hinting at the + expediency of a little less liquor, and a little more humanity, and a + little less regard for herself, and a little more regard for her patients, + and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty. Or when Mrs Gamp gets into + trouble, Mr Sweedlepipe, it had better not be at a time when I am near + enough to the Old Bailey to volunteer myself as a witness to her + character. Endeavour to impress that upon her at your leisure, if you + please.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Gamp clasped her hands, turned up her eyes until they were quite + invisible, threw back her bonnet for the admission of fresh air to her + heated brow; and in the act of saying faintly—‘Less liquor!—Sairey + Gamp—Bottle on the chimney-piece, and let me put my lips to it, when + I am so dispoged!’—fell into one of the walking swoons; in which + pitiable state she was conducted forth by Mr Sweedlepipe, who, between his + two patients, the swooning Mrs Gamp and the revolving Bailey, had enough + to do, poor fellow. + </p> + <p> + The old man looked about him, with a smile, until his eyes rested on Tom + Pinch’s sister; when he smiled the more. + </p> + <p> + ‘We will all dine here together,’ he said; ‘and as you and Mary have + enough to talk of, Martin, you shall keep house for us until the + afternoon, with Mr and Mrs Tapley. I must see your lodgings in the + meanwhile, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom was quite delighted. So was Ruth. She would go with them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Thank you, my love,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. ‘But I am afraid I must take Tom + a little out of the way, on business. Suppose you go on first, my dear?’ + </p> + <p> + Pretty little Ruth was equally delighted to do that. + </p> + <p> + ‘But not alone,’ said Martin, ‘not alone. Mr Westlock, I dare say, will + escort you.’ + </p> + <p> + Why, of course he would: what else had Mr Westlock in his mind? How dull + these old men are! + </p> + <p> + ‘You are sure you have no engagement?’ he persisted. + </p> + <p> + Engagement! As if he could have any engagement! + </p> + <p> + So they went off arm-in-arm. When Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit went off + arm-in-arm a few minutes after them, the latter was still smiling; and + really, for a gentleman of his habits, in rather a knowing manner. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0053" id="link2HCH0053"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE + </h2> + <p> + WHAT JOHN WESTLOCK SAID TO TOM PINCH’S SISTER; WHAT TOM PINCH’S SISTER + SAID TO JOHN WESTLOCK; WHAT TOM PINCH SAID TO BOTH OF THEM; AND HOW THEY + ALL PASSED THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY + </p> + <p> + Brilliantly the Temple Fountain sparkled in the sun, and laughingly its + liquid music played, and merrily the idle drops of water danced and + danced, and peeping out in sport among the trees, plunged lightly down to + hide themselves, as little Ruth and her companion came toward it. + </p> + <p> + And why they came toward the Fountain at all is a mystery; for they had no + business there. It was not in their way. It was quite out of their way. + They had no more to do with the Fountain, bless you, than they had with—with + Love, or any out-of-the-way thing of that sort. + </p> + <p> + It was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments by the + Fountain, but that was quite another affair. Because, of course, when she + had to wait a minute or two, it would have been very awkward for her to + have had to wait in any but a tolerably quiet spot; but that was as quiet + a spot, everything considered, as they could choose. But when she had John + Westlock to take care of her, and was going home with her arm in his (home + being in a different direction altogether), their coming anywhere near + that Fountain was quite extraordinary. + </p> + <p> + However, there they found themselves. And another extraordinary part of + the matter was, that they seemed to have come there, by a silent + understanding. Yet when they got there, they were a little confused by + being there, which was the strangest part of all; because there is nothing + naturally confusing in a Fountain. We all know that. + </p> + <p> + ‘What a good old place it was!’ John said. With quite an earnest affection + for it. + </p> + <p> + ‘A pleasant place indeed,’ said little Ruth. ‘So shady!’ + </p> + <p> + Oh wicked little Ruth! + </p> + <p> + They came to a stop when John began to praise it. The day was exquisite; + and stopping at all, it was quite natural—nothing could be more so—that + they should glance down Garden Court; because Garden Court ends in the + Garden, and the Garden ends in the River, and that glimpse is very bright + and fresh and shining on a summer’s day. Then, oh, little Ruth, why not + look boldly at it! Why fit that tiny, precious, blessed little foot into + the cracked corner of an insensible old flagstone in the pavement; and be + so very anxious to adjust it to a nicety! + </p> + <p> + If the Fiery-faced matron in the crunched bonnet could have seen them as + they walked away, how many years’ purchase might Fiery Face have been + disposed to take for her situation in Furnival’s Inn as laundress to Mr + Westlock! + </p> + <p> + They went away, but not through London’s streets! Through some enchanted + city, where the pavements were of air; where all the rough sounds of a + stirring town were softened into gentle music; where everything was happy; + where there was no distance, and no time. There were two good-tempered + burly draymen letting down big butts of beer into a cellar, somewhere; and + when John helped her—almost lifted her—the lightest, easiest, + neatest thing you ever saw—across the rope, they said he owed them a + good turn for giving him the chance. Celestial draymen! + </p> + <p> + Green pastures in the summer tide, deep-littered straw yards in the + winter, no start of corn and clover, ever, to that noble horse who <i>would</i> + dance on the pavement with a gig behind him, and who frightened her, and + made her clasp his arm with both hands (both hands meeting one upon the + another so endearingly!), and caused her to implore him to take refuge in + the pastry-cook’s, and afterwards to peep out at the door so shrinkingly; + and then, looking at him with those eyes, to ask him was he sure—now + was he sure—they might go safely on! Oh for a string of rampant + horses! For a lion, for a bear, for a mad bull, for anything to bring the + little hands together on his arm again! + </p> + <p> + They talked, of course. They talked of Tom, and all these changes and the + attachment Mr Chuzzlewit had conceived for him, and the bright prospects + he had in such a friend, and a great deal more to the same purpose. The + more they talked, the more afraid this fluttering little Ruth became of + any pause; and sooner than have a pause she would say the same things over + again; and if she hadn’t courage or presence of mind enough for that (to + say the truth she very seldom had), she was ten thousand times more + charming and irresistible than she had been before. + </p> + <p> + ‘Martin will be married very soon now, I suppose?’ said John. + </p> + <p> + She supposed he would. Never did a bewitching little woman suppose + anything in such a faint voice as Ruth supposed that. + </p> + <p> + But seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching, she + remarked that he would have a beautiful wife. Didn’t Mr Westlock think so? + </p> + <p> + ‘Ye—yes,’ said John, ‘oh, yes.’ + </p> + <p> + She feared he was rather hard to please, he spoke so coldly. + </p> + <p> + ‘Rather say already pleased,’ said John. ‘I have scarcely seen her. I had + no care to see her. I had no eyes for <i>her</i>, this morning.’ + </p> + <p> + Oh, good gracious! + </p> + <p> + It was well they had reached their destination. She never could have gone + any further. It would have been impossible to walk in such a tremble. + </p> + <p> + Tom had not come in. They entered the triangular parlour together, and + alone. Fiery Face, Fiery Face, how many years’ purchase <i>now</i>! + </p> + <p> + She sat down on the little sofa, and untied her bonnet-strings. He sat + down by her side, and very near her; very, very near her. Oh rapid, + swelling, bursting little heart, you knew that it would come to this, and + hoped it would. Why beat so wildly, heart! + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Ruth! Sweet Ruth! If I had loved you less, I could have told you + that I loved you, long ago. I have loved you from the first. There never + was a creature in the world more truly loved than you, dear Ruth, by me!’ + </p> + <p> + She clasped her little hands before her face. The gushing tears of joy, + and pride, and hope, and innocent affection, would not be restrained. + Fresh from her full young heart they came to answer him. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear love! If this is—I almost dare to hope it is, now—not + painful or distressing to you, you make me happier than I can tell, or you + imagine. Darling Ruth! My own good, gentle, winning Ruth! I hope I know + the value of your heart, I hope I know the worth of your angel nature. Let + me try and show you that I do; and you will make me happier, Ruth—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Not happier,’ she sobbed, ‘than you make me. No one can be happier, John, + than you make me!’ + </p> + <p> + Fiery Face, provide yourself! The usual wages or the usual warning. It’s + all over, Fiery Face. We needn’t trouble you any further. + </p> + <p> + The little hands could meet each other now, without a rampant horse to + urge them. There was no occasion for lions, bears, or mad bulls. It could + all be done, and infinitely better, without their assistance. No burly + drayman or big butts of beer, were wanted for apologies. No apology at all + was wanted. The soft light touch fell coyly, but quite naturally, upon the + lover’s shoulder; the delicate waist, the drooping head, the blushing + cheek, the beautiful eyes, the exquisite mouth itself, were all as natural + as possible. If all the horses in Araby had run away at once, they + couldn’t have improved upon it. + </p> + <p> + They soon began to talk of Tom again. + </p> + <p> + ‘I hope he will be glad to hear of it!’ said John, with sparkling eyes. + </p> + <p> + Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it, and looked up + seriously into his face. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am never to leave him, <i>am</i> I, dear? I could never leave Tom. I am sure + you know that.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you think I would ask you?’ he returned, with a—well! Never mind + with what. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am sure you never would,’ she answered, the bright tears standing in + her eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘And I will swear it, Ruth, my darling, if you please. Leave Tom! That + would be a strange beginning. Leave Tom, dear! If Tom and we be not + inseparable, and Tom (God bless him) have not all honour and all love in + our home, my little wife, may that home never be! And that’s a strong + oath, Ruth.’ + </p> + <p> + Shall it be recorded how she thanked him? Yes, it shall. In all simplicity + and innocence and purity of heart, yet with a timid, graceful, + half-determined hesitation, she set a little rosy seal upon the vow, whose + colour was reflected in her face, and flashed up to the braiding of her + dark brown hair. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom will be so happy, and so proud, and glad,’ she said, clasping her + little hands. ‘But so surprised! I am sure he had never thought of such a + thing.’ + </p> + <p> + Of course John asked her immediately—because you know they were in + that foolish state when great allowances must be made—when <i>she </i>had + begun to think of such a thing, and this made a little diversion in their + talk; a charming diversion to them, but not so interesting to us; at the + end of which, they came back to Tom again. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! dear Tom!’ said Ruth. ‘I suppose I ought to tell you everything now. + I should have no secrets from you. Should I, John, love?’ + </p> + <p> + It is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her, because he + answered in a manner which is untranslatable on paper though highly + satisfactory in itself. But what he conveyed was, No no no, sweet Ruth; or + something to that effect. + </p> + <p> + Then she told him Tom’s great secret; not exactly saying how she had found + it out, but leaving him to understand it if he liked; and John was sadly + grieved to hear it, and was full of sympathy and sorrow. But they would + try, he said, only the more, on this account to make him happy, and to + beguile him with his favourite pursuits. And then, in all the confidence + of such a time, he told her how he had a capital opportunity of + establishing himself in his old profession in the country; and how he had + been thinking, in the event of that happiness coming upon him which had + actually come—there was another slight diversion here—how he + had been thinking that it would afford occupation to Tom, and enable them + to live together in the easiest manner, without any sense of dependence on + Tom’s part; and to be as happy as the day was long. And Ruth receiving + this with joy, they went on catering for Tom to that extent that they had + already purchased him a select library and built him an organ, on which he + was performing with the greatest satisfaction, when they heard him + knocking at the door. + </p> + <p> + Though she longed to tell him what had happened, poor little Ruth was + greatly agitated by his arrival; the more so because she knew that Mr + Chuzzlewit was with him. So she said, all in a tremble: + </p> + <p> + ‘What shall I do, dear John! I can’t bear that he should hear it from any + one but me, and I could not tell him, unless we were alone.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do, my love,’ said John, ‘whatever is natural to you on the impulse of + the moment, and I am sure it will be right.’ + </p> + <p> + He had hardly time to say thus much, and Ruth had hardly time to—just + to get a little farther off—upon the sofa, when Tom and Mr + Chuzzlewit came in. Mr Chuzzlewit came first, and Tom was a few seconds + behind him. + </p> + <p> + Now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs after a + short time, and would tell him in his little bedroom. But when she saw his + dear old face come in, her heart was so touched that she ran into his + arms, and laid her head down on his breast and sobbed out, ‘Bless me, Tom! + My dearest brother!’ + </p> + <p> + Tom looked up, in surprise, and saw John Westlock close beside him, + holding out his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘John!’ cried Tom. ‘John!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Tom,’ said his friend, ‘give me your hand. We are brothers, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + Tom wrung it with all his force, embraced his sister fervently, and put + her in John Westlock’s arms. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t speak to me, John. Heaven is very good to us. I—’ Tom could + find no further utterance, but left the room; and Ruth went after him. + </p> + <p> + And when they came back, which they did by-and-bye, she looked more + beautiful, and Tom more good and true (if that were possible) than ever. + And though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now; being yet too + newly glad, he put both his hands in both of John’s with emphasis + sufficient for the best speech ever spoken. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am glad you chose to-day,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit to John; with the same + knowing smile as when they had left him. ‘I thought you would. I hoped Tom + and I lingered behind a discreet time. It’s so long since I had any + practical knowledge of these subjects, that I have been anxious, I assure + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your knowledge is still pretty accurate, sir,’ returned John, laughing, + ‘if it led you to foresee what would happen to-day.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, I am not sure, Mr Westlock,’ said the old man, ‘that any great + spirit of prophecy was needed, after seeing you and Ruth together. Come + hither, pretty one. See what Tom and I purchased this morning, while you + were dealing in exchange with that young merchant there.’ + </p> + <p> + The old man’s way of seating her beside him, and humouring his voice as if + she were a child, was whimsical enough, but full of tenderness, and not + ill adapted, somehow, to little Ruth. + </p> + <p> + ‘See here!’ he said, taking a case from his pocket, ‘what a beautiful + necklace. Ah! How it glitters! Earrings, too, and bracelets, and a zone + for your waist. This set is yours, and Mary has another like it. Tom + couldn’t understand why I wanted two. What a short-sighted Tom! Earrings + and bracelets, and a zone for your waist! Ah! Beautiful! Let us see how + brave they look. Ask Mr Westlock to clasp them on.’ + </p> + <p> + It was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round, white arm; + and John (oh deep, deep John!) pretending that the bracelet was very hard + to fasten; it was the prettiest thing to see her girding on the precious + little zone, and yet obliged to have assistance because her fingers were + in such terrible perplexity; it was the prettiest thing to see her so + confused and bashful, with the smiles and blushes playing brightly on her + face, like the sparkling light upon the jewels; it was the prettiest thing + that you would see, in the common experiences of a twelvemonth, rely upon + it. + </p> + <p> + ‘The set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched,’ said the old man, + ‘that I don’t know which becomes the other most. Mr Westlock could tell + me, I have no doubt, but I’ll not ask him, for he is bribed. Health to + wear them, my dear, and happiness to make you forgetful of them, except as + a remembrance from a loving friend!’ + </p> + <p> + He patted her upon the cheek, and said to Tom: + </p> + <p> + ‘I must play the part of a father here, Tom, also. There are not many + fathers who marry two such daughters on the same day; but we will overlook + the improbability for the gratification of an old man’s fancy. I may claim + that much indulgence,’ he added, ‘for I have gratified few fancies enough + in my life tending to the happiness of others, Heaven knows!’ + </p> + <p> + These various proceedings had occupied so much time, and they fell into + such a pleasant conversation now, that it was within a quarter of an hour + of the time appointed for dinner before any of them thought about it. A + hackney-coach soon carried them to the Temple, however; and there they + found everything prepared for their reception. + </p> + <p> + Mr Tapley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative to the + ordering of dinner, had so exerted himself for the honour of the party, + that a prodigious banquet was served, under the joint direction of himself + and his Intended. Mr Chuzzlewit would have had them of the party, and + Martin urgently seconded his wish, but Mark could by no means be persuaded + to sit down at table; observing, that in having the honour of attending to + their comforts, he felt himself, indeed, the landlord of the Jolly Tapley, + and could almost delude himself into the belief that the entertainment was + actually being held under the Jolly Tapley’s roof. + </p> + <p> + For the better encouragement of himself in this fable, Mr Tapley took it + upon him to issue divers general directions to the waiters from the hotel, + relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth; and as they were + usually in direct opposition to all precedent, and were always issued in + his most facetious form of thought and speech, they occasioned great + merriment among those attendants; in which Mr Tapley participated, with an + infinite enjoyment of his own humour. He likewise entertained them with + short anecdotes of his travels appropriate to the occasion; and now and + then with some comic passage or other between himself and Mrs Lupin; so + that explosive laughs were constantly issuing from the side-board, and + from the backs of chairs; and the head-waiter (who wore powder, and + knee-smalls, and was usually a grave man) got to be a bright scarlet in + the face, and broke his waistcoat-strings audibly. + </p> + <p> + Young Martin sat at the head of the table, and Tom Pinch at the foot; and + if there were a genial face at that board, it was Tom’s. They all took + their tone from Tom. Everybody drank to him, everybody looked to him, + everybody thought of him, everybody loved him. If he so much as laid down + his knife and fork, somebody put out a hand to shake with him. Martin and + Mary had taken him aside before dinner, and spoken to him so heartily of + the time to come, laying such fervent stress upon the trust they had in + his completion of their felicity, by his society and closest friendship, + that Tom was positively moved to tears. He couldn’t bear it. His heart was + full, he said, of happiness. And so it was. Tom spoke the honest truth. It + was. Large as thy heart was, dear Tom Pinch, it had no room that day for + anything but happiness and sympathy! + </p> + <p> + And there was Fips, old Fips of Austin Friars, present at the dinner, and + turning out to be the jolliest old dog that ever did violence to his + convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a dark office. ‘Where is + he?’ said Fips, when he came in. And then he pounced on Tom, and told him + that he wanted to relieve himself of all his old constraint; and in the + first place shook him by one hand, and in the second place shook him by + the other, and in the third place nudged him in the waistcoat, and in the + fourth place said, ‘How are you?’ and in a great many other places did a + great many other things to show his friendliness and joy. And he sang + songs, did Fips; and made speeches, did Fips; and knocked off his wine + pretty handsomely, did Fips; and in short, he showed himself a perfect + Trump, did Fips, in all respects. + </p> + <p> + But ah! the happiness of strolling home at night—obstinate little + Ruth, she wouldn’t hear of riding!—as they had done on that dear + night, from Furnival’s Inn! The happiness of being able to talk about it, + and to confide their happiness to each other! The happiness of stating all + their little plans to Tom, and seeing his bright face grow brighter as + they spoke! + </p> + <p> + When they reached home, Tom left John and his sister in the parlour, and + went upstairs into his own room, under pretence of seeking a book. And Tom + actually winked to himself when he got upstairs; he thought it such a deep + thing to have done. + </p> + <p> + ‘They like to be by themselves, of course,’ said Tom; ‘and I came away so + naturally, that I have no doubt they are expecting me, every moment, to + return. That’s capital!’ + </p> + <p> + But he had not sat reading very long, when he heard a tap at his door. + </p> + <p> + ‘May I come in?’ said John. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, surely!’ Tom replied. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t leave us, Tom. Don’t sit by yourself. We want to make you merry; + not melancholy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear friend,’ said Tom, with a cheerful smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘Brother, Tom. Brother.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear brother,’ said Tom; ‘there is no danger of my being melancholy, + how can I be melancholy, when I know that you and Ruth are so blest in + each other! I think I can find my tongue tonight, John,’ he added, after a + moment’s pause. ‘But I never can tell you what unutterable joy this day + has given me. It would be unjust to you to speak of your having chosen a + portionless girl, for I feel that you know her worth; I am sure you know + her worth. Nor will it diminish in your estimation, John, which money + might.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Which money would, Tom,’ he returned. ‘Her worth! Oh, who could see her + here, and not love her! Who could know her, Tom, and not honour her! Who + could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers, and grow indifferent + to the treasure! Who could feel the rapture that I feel to-day, and love + as I love her, Tom, without knowing something of her worth! Your joy + unutterable! No, no, Tom. It’s mine, it’s mine. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, no, John,’ said Tom. ‘It’s mine, it’s mine.’ + </p> + <p> + Their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth herself, + who came peeping in at the door. And oh, the look, the glorious, + half-proud, half-timid look she gave Tom, when her lover drew her to his + side! As much as to say, ‘Yes, indeed, Tom, he will do it. But then he has + a right, you know. Because I <i>am</i> fond of him, Tom.’ + </p> + <p> + As to Tom, he was perfectly delighted. He could have sat and looked at + them, just as they were, for hours. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have told Tom, love, as we agreed, that we are not going to permit him + to run away, and that we cannot possibly allow it. The loss of one person, + and such a person as Tom, too, out of our small household of three, is not + to be endured; and so I have told him. Whether he is considerate, or + whether he is only selfish, I don’t know. But he needn’t be considerate, + for he is not the least restraint upon us. Is he, dearest Ruth?’ + </p> + <p> + Well! He really did not seem to be any particular restraint upon them. + Judging from what ensued. + </p> + <p> + Was it folly in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at such a + time? Was their graceful love a folly, were their dear caresses follies, + was their lengthened parting folly? Was it folly in him to watch her + window from the street, and rate its scantiest gleam of light above all + diamonds; folly in her to breathe his name upon her knees, and pour out + her pure heart before that Being from whom such hearts and such affections + come? + </p> + <p> + If these be follies, then Fiery Face go on and prosper! If they be not, + then Fiery Face avaunt! But set the crunched bonnet at some other single + gentleman, in any case, for one is lost to thee for ever! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0054" id="link2HCH0054"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR + </h2> + <h3> + GIVES THE AUTHOR GREAT CONCERN. FOR IT IS THE LAST IN THE BOOK + </h3> + <p> + Todger’s was in high feather, and mighty preparations for a late breakfast + were astir in its commercial bowers. The blissful morning had arrived when + Miss Pecksniff was to be united in holy matrimony, to Augustus. + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself and the + occasion. She was full of clemency and conciliation. She had laid in + several caldrons of live coals, and was prepared to heap them on the heads + of her enemies. She bore no spite nor malice in her heart. Not the least. + </p> + <p> + Quarrels, Miss Pecksniff said, were dreadful things in families; and + though she never could forgive her dear papa, she was willing to receive + her other relations. They had been separated, she observed, too long. It + was enough to call down a judgment upon the family. She believed the death + of Jonas <i>was </i>a judgment on them for their internal dissensions. And Miss + Pecksniff was confirmed in this belief, by the lightness with which the + visitation had fallen on herself. + </p> + <p> + By way of doing sacrifice—not in triumph; not, of course, in + triumph, but in humiliation of spirit—this amiable young person + wrote, therefore, to her kinswoman of the strong mind, and informed her + that her nuptials would take place on such a day. That she had been much + hurt by the unnatural conduct of herself and daughters, and hoped they + might not have suffered in their consciences. That, being desirous to + forgive her enemies, and make her peace with the world before entering + into the most solemn of covenants with the most devoted of men, she now + held out the hand of friendship. That if the strong-minded women took that + hand, in the temper in which it was extended to her, she, Miss Pecksniff, + did invite her to be present at the ceremony of her marriage, and did + furthermore invite the three red-nosed spinsters, her daughters (but Miss + Pecksniff did not particularize their noses), to attend as bridesmaids. + </p> + <p> + The strong-minded women returned for answer, that herself and daughters + were, as regarded their consciences, in the enjoyment of robust health, + which she knew Miss Pecksniff would be glad to hear. That she had received + Miss Pecksniff’s note with unalloyed delight, because she never had + attached the least importance to the paltry and insignificant jealousies + with which herself and circle had been assailed; otherwise than as she had + found them, in the contemplation, a harmless source of innocent mirth. + That she would joyfully attend Miss Pecksniff’s bridal; and that her three + dear daughters would be happy to assist, on so interesting, and <i>so very + unexpected</i>—which the strong-minded woman underlined—<i>so very unexpected</i> an occasion. + </p> + <p> + On the receipt of this gracious reply, Miss Pecksniff extended her + forgiveness and her invitations to Mr and Mrs Spottletoe; to Mr George + Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin; to the solitary female who usually had the + toothache; and to the hairy young gentleman with the outline of a face; + surviving remnants of the party that had once assembled in Mr Pecksniff’s + parlour. After which Miss Pecksniff remarked that there was a sweetness in + doing our duty, which neutralized the bitter in our cups. + </p> + <p> + The wedding guests had not yet assembled, and indeed it was so early that + Miss Pecksniff herself was in the act of dressing at her leisure, when a + carriage stopped near the Monument; and Mark, dismounting from the rumble, + assisted Mr Chuzzlewit to alight. The carriage remained in waiting; so did + Mr Tapley. Mr Chuzzlewit betook himself to Todger’s. + </p> + <p> + He was shown, by the degenerate successor of Mr Bailey, into the + dining-parlour; where—for his visit was expected—Mrs Todgers + immediately appeared. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are dressed, I see, for the wedding,’ he said. + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers, who was greatly flurried by the preparations, replied in the + affirmative. + </p> + <p> + ‘It goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now, I assure you, + sir,’ said Mrs Todgers; ‘but Miss Pecksniff’s mind was set upon it, and it + really is time that Miss Pecksniff was married. That cannot be denied, + sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit, ‘assuredly not. Her sister takes no part in the + proceedings?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, dear no, sir. Poor thing!’ said Mrs Todgers, shaking her head, and + dropping her voice. ‘Since she has known the worst, she has never left my + room; the next room.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is she prepared to see me?’ he inquired. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quite prepared, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then let us lose no time.’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding the + prospect of the cistern; and there, sadly different from when it had first + been her lodging, sat poor Merry, in mourning weeds. The room looked very + dark and sorrowful; and so did she; but she had one friend beside her, + faithful to the last. Old Chuffey. + </p> + <p> + When Mr Chuzzlewit sat down at her side, she took his hand and put it to + her lips. She was in great grief. He too was agitated; for he had not seen + her since their parting in the churchyard. + </p> + <p> + ‘I judged you hastily,’ he said, in a low voice. ‘I fear I judged you + cruelly. Let me know that I have your forgiveness.’ + </p> + <p> + She kissed his hand again; and retaining it in hers, thanked him in a + broken voice, for all his kindness to her since. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tom Pinch,’ said Martin, ‘has faithfully related to me all that you + desired him to convey; at a time when he deemed it very improbable that he + would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message. Believe me, + that if I ever deal again with an ill-advised and unawakened nature, + hiding the strength it thinks its weakness, I will have long and merciful + consideration for it.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You had for me; even for me,’ she answered. ‘I quite believe it. I said + the words you have repeated, when my distress was very sharp and hard to + bear; I say them now for others; but I cannot urge them for myself. You + spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day by day. There was great + consideration in that. You might have spoken, perhaps, more kindly; you + might have tried to invite my confidence by greater gentleness; but the + end would have been the same.’ + </p> + <p> + He shook his head in doubt, and not without some inward self-reproach. + </p> + <p> + ‘How can I hope,’ she said, ‘that your interposition would have prevailed + with me, when I know how obdurate I was! I never thought at all; dear Mr + Chuzzlewit, I never thought at all; I had no thought, no heart, no care to + find one; at that time. It has grown out of my trouble. I have felt it in + my trouble. I wouldn’t recall my trouble such as it is and has been—and + it is light in comparison with trials which hundreds of good people suffer + every day, I know—I wouldn’t recall it to-morrow, if I could. It has + been my friend, for without it no one could have changed me; nothing could + have changed me. Do not mistrust me because of these tears; I cannot help + them. I am grateful for it, in my soul. Indeed I am!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Indeed she is!’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘I believe it, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And so do I!’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. ‘Now, attend to me, my dear. Your late + husband’s estate, if not wasted by the confession of a large debt to the + broken office (which document, being useless to the runaways, has been + sent over to England by them; not so much for the sake of the creditors as + for the gratification of their dislike to him, whom they suppose to be + still living), will be seized upon by law; for it is not exempt, as I + learn, from the claims of those who have suffered by the fraud in which he + was engaged. Your father’s property was all, or nearly all, embarked in + the same transaction. If there be any left, it will be seized on, in like + manner. There is no home <i>there</i>.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I couldn’t return to him,’ she said, with an instinctive reference to his + having forced her marriage on. ‘I could not return to him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know it,’ Mr Chuzzlewit resumed; ‘and I am here because I know it. Come + with me! From all who are about me, you are certain (I have ascertained + it) of a generous welcome. But until your health is re-established, and + you are sufficiently composed to bear that welcome, you shall have your + abode in any quiet retreat of your own choosing, near London; not so far + removed but that this kind-hearted lady may still visit you as often as + she pleases. You have suffered much; but you are young, and have a + brighter and a better future stretching out before you. Come with me. Your + sister is careless of you, I know. She hurries on and publishes her + marriage, in a spirit which (to say no more of it) is barely decent, is + unsisterly, and bad. Leave the house before her guests arrive. She means + to give you pain. Spare her the offence, and come with me!’ + </p> + <p> + Mrs Todgers, though most unwilling to part with her, added her + persuasions. Even poor old Chuffey (of course included in the project) + added his. She hurriedly attired herself, and was ready to depart, when + Miss Pecksniff dashed into the room. + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff dashed in so suddenly, that she was placed in an + embarrassing position. For though she had completed her bridal toilette as + to her head, on which she wore a bridal bonnet with orange flowers, she + had not completed it as to her skirts, which displayed no choicer + decoration than a dimity bedgown. She had dashed in, in fact, about + half-way through, to console her sister, in her affliction, with a sight + of the aforesaid bonnet; and being quite unconscious of the presence of a + visitor, until she found Mr Chuzzlewit standing face to face with her, her + surprise was an uncomfortable one. + </p> + <p> + ‘So, young lady!’ said the old man, eyeing her with strong disfavour. ‘You + are to be married to-day!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, sir,’ returned Miss Pecksniff, modestly. ‘I am. I—my dress is + rather—really, Mrs Todgers!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your delicacy,’ said old Martin, ‘is troubled, I perceive. I am not + surprised to find it so. You have chosen the period of your marriage + unfortunately.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, Mr Chuzzlewit,’ retorted Cherry; very red and angry in + a moment; ‘but if you have anything to say on that subject, I must beg to + refer you to Augustus. You will scarcely think it manly, I hope, to force + an argument on me, when Augustus is at all times ready to discuss it with + you. I have nothing to do with any deceptions that may have been practiced + on my parent,’ said Miss Pecksniff, pointedly; ‘and as I wish to be on + good terms with everybody at such a time, I should have been glad if you + would have favoured us with your company at breakfast. But I will not ask + you as it is; seeing that you have been prepossessed and set against me in + another quarter. I hope I have my natural affections for another quarter, + and my natural pity for another quarter; but I cannot always submit to be + subservient to it, Mr Chuzzlewit. That would be a little too much. I trust + I have more respect for myself, as well as for the man who claims me as + his Bride.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Your sister, meeting—as I think; not as she says, for she has said + nothing about it—with little consideration from you, is going away + with me,’ said Mr Chuzzlewit. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last,’ returned + Miss Pecksniff, tossing her head. ‘I congratulate her, I am sure. I am not + surprised that this event should be painful to her—painful to her—but + I can’t help that, Mr Chuzzlewit. It’s not my fault.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Come, Miss Pecksniff!’ said the old man, quietly. ‘I should like to see a + better parting between you. I should like to see a better parting on your + side, in such circumstances. It would make me your friend. You may want a + friend one day or other.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Every relation of life, Mr Chuzzlewit, begging your pardon; and every + friend in life,’ returned Miss Pecksniff, with dignity, ‘is now bound up + and cemented in Augustus. So long as Augustus is my own, I cannot want a + friend. When you speak of friends, sir, I must beg, once for all, to refer + you to Augustus. That is my impression of the religious ceremony in which + I am so soon to take a part at that altar to which Augustus will conduct + me. I bear no malice at any time, much less in a moment of triumph, + towards any one; much less towards my sister. On the contrary, I + congratulate her. If you didn’t hear me say so, I am not to blame. And as + I owe it to Augustus, to be punctual on an occasion when he may naturally + be supposed to be—to be impatient—really, Mrs Todgers!—I + must beg your leave, sir, to retire.’ + </p> + <p> + After these words the bridal bonnet disappeared; with as much state as the + dimity bedgown left in it. + </p> + <p> + Old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking; and led + her out. Mrs Todgers, with her holiday garments fluttering in the wind, + accompanied them to the carriage, clung round Merry’s neck at parting, and + ran back to her own dingy house, crying the whole way. She had a lean, + lank body, Mrs Todgers, but a well-conditioned soul within. Perhaps the + good Samaritan was lean and lank, and found it hard to live. Who knows! + </p> + <p> + Mr Chuzzlewit followed her so closely with his eyes, that, until she had + shut her own door, they did not encounter Mr Tapley’s face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, Mark!’ he said, as soon as he observed it, ‘what’s the matter?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The wonderfulest ewent, sir!’ returned Mark, pumping at his voice in a + most laborious manner, and hardly able to articulate with all his efforts. + ‘A coincidence as never was equalled! I’m blessed if here ain’t two old + neighbours of ourn, sir!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What neighbours?’ cried old Martin, looking out of window. ‘Where?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I was a-walkin’ up and down not five yards from this spot,’ said Mr + Tapley, breathless, ‘and they come upon me like their own ghosts, as I + thought they was! It’s the wonderfulest ewent that ever happened. Bring a + feather, somebody, and knock me down with it!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you mean!’ exclaimed old Martin, quite as much excited by the + spectacle of Mark’s excitement as that strange person was himself. + ‘Neighbours, where?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Here, sir!’ replied Mr Tapley. ‘Here in the city of London! Here upon + these very stones! Here they are, sir! Don’t I know ‘em? Lord love their + welcome faces, don’t I know ‘em!’ + </p> + <p> + With which ejaculations Mr Tapley not only pointed to a decent-looking man + and woman standing by, but commenced embracing them alternately, over and + over again, in Monument Yard. + </p> + <p> + ‘Neighbours, <i>where</i>? old Martin shouted; almost maddened by his ineffectual + efforts to get out at the coach-door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Neighbours in America! Neighbours in Eden!’ cried Mark. ‘Neighbours in + the swamp, neighbours in the bush, neighbours in the fever. Didn’t she + nurse us! Didn’t he help us! Shouldn’t we both have died without ‘em! + Haven’t they come a-strugglin’ back, without a single child for their + consolation! And talk to me of neighbours!’ + </p> + <p> + Away he went again, in a perfectly wild state, hugging them, and skipping + round them, and cutting in between them, as if he were performing some + frantic and outlandish dance. + </p> + <p> + Mr Chuzzlewit no sooner gathered who these people were, than he burst open + the coach-door somehow or other, and came tumbling out among them; and as + if the lunacy of Mr Tapley were contagious, he immediately began to shake + hands too, and exhibit every demonstration of the liveliest joy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Get up, behind!’ he said. ‘Get up in the rumble. Come along with me! Go + you on the box, Mark. Home! Home!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Home!’ cried Mr Tapley, seizing the old man’s hand in a burst of + enthusiasm. ‘Exactly my opinion, sir. Home for ever! Excuse the liberty, + sir, I can’t help it. Success to the Jolly Tapley! There’s nothin’ in the + house they shan’t have for the askin’ for, except a bill. Home to be sure! + Hurrah!’ + </p> + <p> + Home they rolled accordingly, when he had got the old man in again, as + fast as they could go; Mark abating nothing of his fervour by the way, by + allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had been on + Salisbury Plain. + </p> + <p> + And now the wedding party began to assemble at Todgers’s. Mr Jinkins, the + only boarder invited, was on the ground first. He wore a white favour in + his button-hole, and a bran new extra super double-milled blue saxony + dress coat (that was its description in the bill), with a variety of + tortuous embellishments about the pockets, invented by the artist to do + honour to the day. The miserable Augustus no longer felt strongly even on + the subject of Jinkins. He hadn’t strength of mind enough to do it. ‘Let + him come!’ he had said, in answer to Miss Pecksniff, when she urged the + point. ‘Let him come! He has ever been my rock ahead through life. ‘Tis + meet he should be there. Ha, ha! Oh, yes! let Jinkins come!’ + </p> + <p> + Jinkins had come with all the pleasure in life, and there he was. For some + few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast, which was set forth in + the drawing-room, with unusual taste and ceremony. But Mrs Todgers soon + joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy young gentleman, and Mr and + Mrs Spottletoe, arrived in quick succession. + </p> + <p> + Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. ‘Glad to know you, + sir,’ he said. ‘Give you joy!’ Under the impression that Jinkins was the + happy man. + </p> + <p> + Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his friend + Moddle, who had ceased to reside in the house, and had not yet arrived. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not arrived, sir!’ exclaimed Spottletoe, in a great heat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Not yet,’ said Mr Jinkins. + </p> + <p> + ‘Upon my soul!’ cried Spottletoe. ‘He begins well! Upon my life and honour + this young man begins well! But I should very much like to know how it is + that every one who comes into contact with this family is guilty of some + gross insult to it. Death! Not arrived yet. Not here to receive us!’ + </p> + <p> + The nephew with the outline of a countenance, suggested that perhaps he + had ordered a new pair of boots, and they hadn’t come home. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t talk to me of Boots, sir!’ retorted Spottletoe, with immense + indignation. ‘He is bound to come here in his slippers then; he is bound + to come here barefoot. Don’t offer such a wretched and evasive plea to me + on behalf of your friend, as Boots, sir.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He is not <i>my</i> friend,’ said the nephew. ‘I never saw him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very well, sir,’ returned the fiery Spottletoe. ‘Then don’t talk to me!’ + </p> + <p> + The door was thrown open at this juncture, and Miss Pecksniff entered, + tottering, and supported by her three bridesmaids. The strong-minded woman + brought up the rear; having waited outside until now, for the purpose of + spoiling the effect. + </p> + <p> + ‘How do you do, ma’am!’ said Spottletoe to the strong-minded woman in a + tone of defiance. ‘I believe you see Mrs Spottletoe, ma’am?’ + </p> + <p> + The strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs Spottletoe’s + health, regretted that she was not more easily seen. Nature erring, in + that lady’s case, upon the slim side. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom, ma’am,’ + returned that lady’s husband. ‘That is, unless he has confined his + attentions to any particular part or branch of this family, which would be + quite in keeping with its usual proceedings.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you allude to me, sir—’ the strong-minded woman began. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pray,’ interposed Miss Pecksniff, ‘do not allow Augustus, at this awful + moment of his life and mine, to be the means of disturbing that harmony + which it is ever Augustus’s and my wish to maintain. Augustus has not been + introduced to any of my relations now present. He preferred not.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, then, I venture to assert,’ cried Mr Spottletoe, ‘that the man who + aspires to join this family, and “prefers not” to be introduced to its + members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of <i>him</i>!’ + </p> + <p> + The strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was afraid + he must be. Her three daughters observed aloud that it was ‘Shameful!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You do not know Augustus,’ said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, ‘indeed you do + not know him. Augustus is all mildness and humility. Wait till you see + Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your affections.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The question arises,’ said Spottletoe, folding his arms: ‘How long we are + to wait. I am not accustomed to wait; that’s the fact. And I want to know + how long we are expected to wait.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs Todgers!’ said Charity, ‘Mr Jinkins! I am afraid there must be some + mistake. I think Augustus must have gone straight to the Altar!’ + </p> + <p> + As such a thing was possible, and the church was close at hand, Mr Jinkins + ran off to see, accompanied by Mr George Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin, + who preferred anything to the aggravation of sitting near the breakfast, + without being able to eat it. But they came back with no other tidings + than a familiar message from the clerk, importing that if they wanted to + be married that morning they had better look sharp, as the curate wasn’t + going to wait there all day. + </p> + <p> + The bride was now alarmed; seriously alarmed. Good Heavens, what could + have happened! Augustus! Dear Augustus! + </p> + <p> + Mr Jinkins volunteered to take a cab, and seek him at the newly-furnished + house. The strong-minded woman administered comfort to Miss Pecksniff. ‘It + was a specimen of what she had to expect. It would do her good. It would + dispel the romance of the affair.’ The red-nosed daughters also + administered the kindest comfort. ‘Perhaps he’d come,’ they said. The + sketchy nephew hinted that he might have fallen off a bridge. The wrath of + Mr Spottletoe resisted all the entreaties of his wife. Everybody spoke at + once, and Miss Pecksniff, with clasped hands, sought consolation + everywhere and found it nowhere, when Jinkins, having met the postman at + the door, came back with a letter, which he put into her hand. + </p> + <p> + Miss Pecksniff opened it, uttered a piercing shriek, threw it down upon + the ground, and fainted away. + </p> +<div class="fig" style="width:65%"> + <img src="images/20835m.jpg" alt="20835m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/20835.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + They picked it up; and crowding round, and looking over one another’s + shoulders, read, in the words and dashes following, this communication: + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Off Gravesend. ‘Clipper Schooner, Cupid</i> + </p> + <p> + ‘Wednesday night + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Ever Injured Miss Pecksniff</i>—Ere this reaches you, the undersigned + will be—if not a corpse—on the way to Van Dieman’s Land. Send + not in pursuit. I never will be taken alive! + </p> + <p> + ‘The burden—300 tons per register—forgive, if in my + distraction, I allude to the ship—on my mind—has been truly + dreadful. Frequently—when you have sought to soothe my brow with + kisses—has self-destruction flashed across me. Frequently—incredible + as it may seem—have I abandoned the idea. + </p> + <p> + ‘I love another. She is Another’s. Everything appears to be somebody + else’s. Nothing in the world is mine—not even my Situation—which + I have forfeited—by my rash conduct—in running away. + </p> + <p> + ‘If you ever loved me, hear my last appeal! The last appeal of a miserable + and blighted exile. Forward the inclosed—it is the key of my desk—to + the office—by hand. Please address to Bobbs and Cholberry—I + mean to Chobbs and Bolberry—but my mind is totally unhinged. I left + a penknife—with a buckhorn handle—in your work-box. It will + repay the messenger. May it make him happier than ever it did me! + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Miss Pecksniff, why didn’t you leave me alone! Was it not cruel, + <i>cruel</i>! Oh, my goodness, have you not been a witness of my feelings—have + you not seen them flowing from my eyes—did you not, yourself, + reproach me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful night when last + we met—in that house—where I once was peaceful—though + blighted—in the society of Mrs Todgers! + </p> + <p> + ‘But it was written—in the Talmud—that you should involve + yourself in the inscrutable and gloomy Fate which it is my mission to + accomplish, and which wreathes itself—e’en now—about in + temples. I will not reproach, for I have wronged you. May the Furniture + make some amends! + </p> + <p> + ‘Farewell! Be the proud bride of a ducal coronet, and forget me! Long may + it be before you know the anguish with which I now subscribe myself—amid + the tempestuous howlings of the—sailors, + </p> + <p> + ‘Unalterably, + </p> + <p> + ‘Never yours, + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>Augustus.</i>’ + </p> + <p> + They thought as little of Miss Pecksniff, while they greedily perused this + letter, as if she were the very last person on earth whom it concerned. + But Miss Pecksniff really had fainted away. The bitterness of her + mortification; the bitterness of having summoned witnesses, and such + witnesses, to behold it; the bitterness of knowing that the strong-minded + women and the red-nosed daughters towered triumphant in this hour of their + anticipated overthrow; was too much to be borne. Miss Pecksniff had + fainted away in earnest. + </p> + <p> + What sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear! What darkening room + is this! + </p> + <p> + And that mild figure seated at an organ, who is he! Ah Tom, dear Tom, old + friend! + </p> + <p> + Thy head is prematurely grey, though Time has passed thee and our old + association, Tom. But, in those sounds with which it is thy wont to bear + the twilight company, the music of thy heart speaks out—the story of + thy life relates itself. + </p> + <p> + Thy life is tranquil, calm, and happy, Tom. In the soft strain which ever + and again comes stealing back upon the ear, the memory of thine old love + may find a voice perhaps; but it is a pleasant, softened, whispering + memory, like that in which we sometimes hold the dead, and does not pain + or grieve thee, God be thanked. + </p> + <p> + Touch the notes lightly, Tom, as lightly as thou wilt, but never will + thine hand fall half so lightly on that Instrument as on the head of thine + old tyrant brought down very, very low; and never will it make as hollow a + response to any touch of thine, as he does always. + </p> + <p> + For a drunken, begging, squalid, letter-writing man, called Pecksniff, + with a shrewish daughter, haunts thee, Tom; and when he makes appeals to + thee for cash, reminds thee that he built thy fortunes better than his + own; and when he spends it, entertains the alehouse company with tales of + thine ingratitude and his munificence towards thee once upon a time; and + then he shows his elbows worn in holes, and puts his soleless shoes up on + a bench, and begs his auditors look there, while thou art comfortably + housed and clothed. All known to thee, and yet all borne with, Tom! + </p> + <p> + So, with a smile upon thy face, thou passest gently to another measure—to + a quicker and more joyful one—and little feet are used to dance + about thee at the sound, and bright young eyes to glance up into thine. + And there is one slight creature, Tom—her child; not Ruth’s—whom + thine eyes follow in the romp and dance; who, wondering sometimes to see + thee look so thoughtful, runs to climb up on thy knee, and put her cheek + to thine; who loves thee, Tom, above the rest, if that can be; and falling + sick once, chose thee for her nurse, and never knew impatience, Tom, when + thou wert by her side. + </p> + <p> + Thou glidest, now, into a graver air; an air devoted to old friends and + bygone times; and in thy lingering touch upon the keys, and the rich + swelling of the mellow harmony, they rise before thee. The spirit of that + old man dead, who delighted to anticipate thy wants, and never ceased to + honour thee, is there, among the rest; repeating, with a face composed and + calm, the words he said to thee upon his bed, and blessing thee! + </p> + <p> + And coming from a garden, Tom, bestrewn with flowers by children’s hands, + thy sister, little Ruth, as light of foot and heart as in old days, sits + down beside thee. From the Present, and the Past, with which she is so + tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts, thy strain soars onward to the + Future. As it resounds within thee and without, the noble music, rolling + round ye both, shuts out the grosser prospect of an earthly parting, and + uplifts ye both to Heaven! + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin +Chuzzlewit, by Charles Dickens + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT *** + +***** This file should be named 968-h.htm or 968-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/6/968/ + +Produced by Donald Lainson; David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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