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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +The Lamplighter by Charles Dickens +Scanned and proofed by David Price, ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +THE LAMPLIGHTER + + + + +'If you talk of Murphy and Francis Moore, gentlemen,' said the +lamplighter who was in the chair, 'I mean to say that neither of +'em ever had any more to do with the stars than Tom Grig had.' + +'And what had HE to do with 'em?' asked the lamplighter who +officiated as vice. + +'Nothing at all,' replied the other; 'just exactly nothing at all.' + +'Do you mean to say you don't believe in Murphy, then?' demanded +the lamplighter who had opened the discussion. + +'I mean to say I believe in Tom Grig,' replied the chairman. +'Whether I believe in Murphy, or not, is a matter between me and my +conscience; and whether Murphy believes in himself, or not, is a +matter between him and his conscience. Gentlemen, I drink your +healths.' + +The lamplighter who did the company this honour, was seated in the +chimney-corner of a certain tavern, which has been, time out of +mind, the Lamplighters' House of Call. He sat in the midst of a +circle of lamplighters, and was the cacique, or chief of the tribe. + +If any of our readers have had the good fortune to behold a +lamplighter's funeral, they will not be surprised to learn that +lamplighters are a strange and primitive people; that they rigidly +adhere to old ceremonies and customs which have been handed down +among them from father to son since the first public lamp was +lighted out of doors; that they intermarry, and betroth their +children in infancy; that they enter into no plots or conspiracies +(for who ever heard of a traitorous lamplighter?); that they commit +no crimes against the laws of their country (there being no +instance of a murderous or burglarious lamplighter); that they are, +in short, notwithstanding their apparently volatile and restless +character, a highly moral and reflective people: having among +themselves as many traditional observances as the Jews, and being, +as a body, if not as old as the hills, at least as old as the +streets. It is an article of their creed that the first faint +glimmering of true civilisation shone in the first street-light +maintained at the public expense. They trace their existence and +high position in the public esteem, in a direct line to the heathen +mythology; and hold that the history of Prometheus himself is but a +pleasant fable, whereof the true hero is a lamplighter. + +'Gentlemen,' said the lamplighter in the chair, 'I drink your +healths.' + +'And perhaps, Sir,' said the vice, holding up his glass, and rising +a little way off his seat and sitting down again, in token that he +recognised and returned the compliment, 'perhaps you will add to +that condescension by telling us who Tom Grig was, and how he came +to be connected in your mind with Francis Moore, Physician.' + +'Hear, hear, hear!' cried the lamplighters generally. + +'Tom Grig, gentlemen,' said the chairman, 'was one of us; and it +happened to him, as it don't often happen to a public character in +our line, that he had his what-you-may-call-it cast.' + +'His head?' said the vice. + +'No,' replied the chairman, 'not his head.' + +'His face, perhaps?' said the vice. 'No, not his face.' 'His +legs?' 'No, not his legs.' Nor yet his arms, nor his hands, nor +his feet, nor his chest, all of which were severally suggested. + +'His nativity, perhaps?' + +'That's it,' said the chairman, awakening from his thoughtful +attitude at the suggestion. 'His nativity. That's what Tom had +cast, gentlemen.' + +'In plaster?' asked the vice. + +'I don't rightly know how it's done,' returned the chairman. 'But +I suppose it was.' + +And there he stopped as if that were all he had to say; whereupon +there arose a murmur among the company, which at length resolved +itself into a request, conveyed through the vice, that he would go +on. This being exactly what the chairman wanted, he mused for a +little time, performed that agreeable ceremony which is popularly +termed wetting one's whistle, and went on thus: + +'Tom Grig, gentlemen, was, as I have said, one of us; and I may go +further, and say he was an ornament to us, and such a one as only +the good old times of oil and cotton could have produced. Tom's +family, gentlemen, were all lamplighters.' + +'Not the ladies, I hope?' asked the vice. + +'They had talent enough for it, Sir,' rejoined the chairman, 'and +would have been, but for the prejudices of society. Let women have +their rights, Sir, and the females of Tom's family would have been +every one of 'em in office. But that emancipation hasn't come yet, +and hadn't then, and consequently they confined themselves to the +bosoms of their families, cooked the dinners, mended the clothes, +minded the children, comforted their husbands, and attended to the +house-keeping generally. It's a hard thing upon the women, +gentlemen, that they are limited to such a sphere of action as +this; very hard. + +'I happen to know all about Tom, gentlemen, from the circumstance +of his uncle by his mother's side, having been my particular +friend. His (that's Tom's uncle's) fate was a melancholy one. Gas +was the death of him. When it was first talked of, he laughed. He +wasn't angry; he laughed at the credulity of human nature. "They +might as well talk," he says, "of laying on an everlasting +succession of glow-worms;" and then he laughed again, partly at his +joke, and partly at poor humanity. + +'In course of time, however, the thing got ground, the experiment +was made, and they lighted up Pall Mall. Tom's uncle went to see +it. I've heard that he fell off his ladder fourteen times that +night, from weakness, and that he would certainly have gone on +falling till he killed himself, if his last tumble hadn't been into +a wheelbarrow which was going his way, and humanely took him home. +"I foresee in this," says Tom's uncle faintly, and taking to his +bed as he spoke - "I foresee in this," he says, "the breaking up of +our profession. There's no more going the rounds to trim by +daylight, no more dribbling down of the oil on the hats and bonnets +of ladies and gentlemen when one feels in spirits. Any low fellow +can light a gas-lamp. And it's all up." In this state of mind, he +petitioned the government for - I want a word again, gentlemen - +what do you call that which they give to people when it's found +out, at last, that they've never been of any use, and have been +paid too much for doing nothing?' + +'Compensation?' suggested the vice. + +'That's it,' said the chairman. 'Compensation. They didn't give +it him, though, and then he got very fond of his country all at +once, and went about saying that gas was a death-blow to his native +land, and that it was a plot of the radicals to ruin the country +and destroy the oil and cotton trade for ever, and that the whales +would go and kill themselves privately, out of sheer spite and +vexation at not being caught. At last he got right-down cracked; +called his tobacco-pipe a gas-pipe; thought his tears were lamp- +oil; and went on with all manner of nonsense of that sort, till one +night he hung himself on a lamp-iron in Saint Martin's Lane, and +there was an end of HIM. + +'Tom loved him, gentlemen, but he survived it. He shed a tear over +his grave, got very drunk, spoke a funeral oration that night in +the watch-house, and was fined five shillings for it, in the +morning. Some men are none the worse for this sort of thing. Tom +was one of 'em. He went that very afternoon on a new beat: as +clear in his head, and as free from fever as Father Mathew himself. + +'Tom's new beat, gentlemen, was - I can't exactly say where, for +that he'd never tell; but I know it was in a quiet part of town, +where there were some queer old houses. I have always had it in my +head that it must have been somewhere near Canonbury Tower in +Islington, but that's a matter of opinion. Wherever it was, he +went upon it, with a bran-new ladder, a white hat, a brown holland +jacket and trousers, a blue neck-kerchief, and a sprig of full- +blown double wall-flower in his button-hole. Tom was always +genteel in his appearance, and I have heard from the best judges, +that if he had left his ladder at home that afternoon, you might +have took him for a lord. + +'He was always merry, was Tom, and such a singer, that if there was +any encouragement for native talent, he'd have been at the opera. +He was on his ladder, lighting his first lamp, and singing to +himself in a manner more easily to be conceived than described, +when he hears the clock strike five, and suddenly sees an old +gentleman with a telescope in his hand, throw up a window and look +at him very hard. + +'Tom didn't know what could be passing in this old gentleman's +mind. He thought it likely enough that he might be saying within +himself, "Here's a new lamplighter - a good-looking young fellow - +shall I stand something to drink?" Thinking this possible, he +keeps quite still, pretending to be very particular about the wick, +and looks at the old gentleman sideways, seeming to take no notice +of him. + +'Gentlemen, he was one of the strangest and most mysterious-looking +files that ever Tom clapped his eyes on. He was dressed all +slovenly and untidy, in a great gown of a kind of bed-furniture +pattern, with a cap of the same on his head; and a long old flapped +waistcoat; with no braces, no strings, very few buttons - in short, +with hardly any of those artificial contrivances that hold society +together. Tom knew by these signs, and by his not being shaved, +and by his not being over-clean, and by a sort of wisdom not quite +awake, in his face, that he was a scientific old gentleman. He +often told me that if he could have conceived the possibility of +the whole Royal Society being boiled down into one man, he should +have said the old gentleman's body was that Body. + +'The old gentleman claps the telescope to his eye, looks all round, +sees nobody else in sight, stares at Tom again, and cries out very +loud: + +'"Hal-loa!" + +'"Halloa, Sir," says Tom from the ladder; "and halloa again, if you +come to that." + +'"Here's an extraordinary fulfilment," says the old gentleman, "of +a prediction of the planets." + +'"Is there?" says Tom. "I'm very glad to hear it." + +'"Young man," says the old gentleman, "you don't know me." + +'"Sir," says Tom, "I have not that honour; but I shall be happy to +drink your health, notwithstanding." + +'"I read," cries the old gentleman, without taking any notice of +this politeness on Tom's part - "I read what's going to happen, in +the stars." + +'Tom thanked him for the information, and begged to know if +anything particular was going to happen in the stars, in the course +of a week or so; but the old gentleman, correcting him, explained +that he read in the stars what was going to happen on dry land, and +that he was acquainted with all the celestial bodies. + +'"I hope they're all well, Sir," says Tom, - "everybody." + +'"Hush!" cries the old gentleman. "I have consulted the book of +Fate with rare and wonderful success. I am versed in the great +sciences of astrology and astronomy. In my house here, I have +every description of apparatus for observing the course and motion +of the planets. Six months ago, I derived from this source, the +knowledge that precisely as the clock struck five this afternoon a +stranger would present himself - the destined husband of my young +and lovely niece - in reality of illustrious and high descent, but +whose birth would be enveloped in uncertainty and mystery. Don't +tell me yours isn't," says the old gentleman, who was in such a +hurry to speak that he couldn't get the words out fast enough, "for +I know better." + +'Gentlemen, Tom was so astonished when he heard him say this, that +he could hardly keep his footing on the ladder, and found it +necessary to hold on by the lamp-post. There WAS a mystery about +his birth. His mother had always admitted it. Tom had never known +who was his father, and some people had gone so far as to say that +even SHE was in doubt. + +'While he was in this state of amazement, the old gentleman leaves +the window, bursts out of the house-door, shakes the ladder, and +Tom, like a ripe pumpkin, comes sliding down into his arms. + +'"Let me embrace you," he says, folding his arms about him, and +nearly lighting up his old bed-furniture gown at Tom's link. +"You're a man of noble aspect. Everything combines to prove the +accuracy of my observations. You have had mysterious promptings +within you," he says; "I know you have had whisperings of +greatness, eh?" he says. + +'"I think I have," says Tom - Tom was one of those who can persuade +themselves to anything they like - "I've often thought I wasn't the +small beer I was taken for." + +'"You were right," cries the old gentleman, hugging him again. +"Come in. My niece awaits us." + +'"Is the young lady tolerable good-looking, Sir?" says Tom, hanging +fire rather, as he thought of her playing the piano, and knowing +French, and being up to all manner of accomplishments. + +'"She's beautiful!" cries the old gentleman, who was in such a +terrible bustle that he was all in a perspiration. "She has a +graceful carriage, an exquisite shape, a sweet voice, a countenance +beaming with animation and expression; and the eye," he says, +rubbing his hands, "of a startled fawn." + +'Tom supposed this might mean, what was called among his circle of +acquaintance, "a game eye;" and, with a view to this defect, +inquired whether the young lady had any cash. + +'"She has five thousand pounds," cries the old gentleman. "But +what of that? what of that? A word in your ear. I'm in search of +the philosopher's stone. I have very nearly found it - not quite. +It turns everything to gold; that's its property." + +'Tom naturally thought it must have a deal of property; and said +that when the old gentleman did get it, he hoped he'd be careful to +keep it in the family. + +'"Certainly," he says, "of course. Five thousand pounds! What's +five thousand pounds to us? What's five million?" he says. +"What's five thousand million? Money will be nothing to us. We +shall never be able to spend it fast enough." + +'"We'll try what we can do, Sir," says Tom. + +'"We will," says the old gentleman. "Your name?" + +'"Grig," says Tom. + +'The old gentleman embraced him again, very tight; and without +speaking another word, dragged him into the house in such an +excited manner, that it was as much as Tom could do to take his +link and ladder with him, and put them down in the passage. + +'Gentlemen, if Tom hadn't been always remarkable for his love of +truth, I think you would still have believed him when he said that +all this was like a dream. There is no better way for a man to +find out whether he is really asleep or awake, than calling for +something to eat. If he's in a dream, gentlemen, he'll find +something wanting in flavour, depend upon it. + +'Tom explained his doubts to the old gentleman, and said that if +there was any cold meat in the house, it would ease his mind very +much to test himself at once. The old gentleman ordered up a +venison pie, a small ham, and a bottle of very old Madeira. At the +first mouthful of pie and the first glass of wine, Tom smacks his +lips and cries out, "I'm awake - wide awake;" and to prove that he +was so, gentlemen, he made an end of 'em both. + +'When Tom had finished his meal (which he never spoke of afterwards +without tears in his eyes), the old gentleman hugs him again, and +says, "Noble stranger! let us visit my young and lovely niece." +Tom, who was a little elevated with the wine, replies, "The noble +stranger is agreeable!" At which words the old gentleman took him +by the hand, and led him to the parlour; crying as he opened the +door, "Here is Mr. Grig, the favourite of the planets!" + +'I will not attempt a description of female beauty, gentlemen, for +every one of us has a model of his own that suits his own taste +best. In this parlour that I'm speaking of, there were two young +ladies; and if every gentleman present, will imagine two models of +his own in their places, and will be kind enough to polish 'em up +to the very highest pitch of perfection, he will then have a faint +conception of their uncommon radiance. + +'Besides these two young ladies, there was their waiting-woman, +that under any other circumstances Tom would have looked upon as a +Venus; and besides her, there was a tall, thin, dismal-faced young +gentleman, half man and half boy, dressed in a childish suit of +clothes very much too short in the legs and arms; and looking, +according to Tom's comparison, like one of the wax juveniles from a +tailor's door, grown up and run to seed. Now, this youngster +stamped his foot upon the ground and looked very fierce at Tom, and +Tom looked fierce at him - for to tell the truth, gentlemen, Tom +more than half suspected that when they entered the room he was +kissing one of the young ladies; and for anything Tom knew, you +observe, it might be HIS young lady - which was not pleasant. + +'"Sir," says Tom, "before we proceed any further, will you have the +goodness to inform me who this young Salamander" - Tom called him +that for aggravation, you perceive, gentlemen - "who this young +Salamander may be?" + +'"That, Mr. Grig," says the old gentleman, "is my little boy. He +was christened Galileo Isaac Newton Flamstead. Don't mind him. +He's a mere child." + +'"And a very fine child too," says Tom - still aggravating, you'll +observe - "of his age, and as good as fine, I have no doubt. How +do you do, my man?" with which kind and patronising expressions, +Tom reached up to pat him on the head, and quoted two lines about +little boys, from Doctor Watts's Hymns, which he had learnt at a +Sunday School. + +'It was very easy to see, gentlemen, by this youngster's frowning +and by the waiting-maid's tossing her head and turning up her nose, +and by the young ladies turning their backs and talking together at +the other end of the room, that nobody but the old gentleman took +very kindly to the noble stranger. Indeed, Tom plainly heard the +waiting-woman say of her master, that so far from being able to +read the stars as he pretended, she didn't believe he knew his +letters in 'em, or at best that he had got further than words in +one syllable; but Tom, not minding this (for he was in spirits +after the Madeira), looks with an agreeable air towards the young +ladies, and, kissing his hand to both, says to the old gentleman, +"Which is which?" + +'"This," says the old gentleman, leading out the handsomest, if one +of 'em could possibly be said to be handsomer than the other - +"this is my niece, Miss Fanny Barker." + +'"If you'll permit me, Miss," says Tom, "being a noble stranger and +a favourite of the planets, I will conduct myself as such." With +these words, he kisses the young lady in a very affable way, turns +to the old gentleman, slaps him on the back, and says, "When's it +to come off, my buck?" + +'The young lady coloured so deep, and her lip trembled so much, +gentlemen, that Tom really thought she was going to cry. But she +kept her feelings down, and turning to the old gentleman, says, +"Dear uncle, though you have the absolute disposal of my hand and +fortune, and though you mean well in disposing of 'em thus, I ask +you whether you don't think this is a mistake? Don't you think, +dear uncle," she says, "that the stars must be in error? Is it not +possible that the comet may have put 'em out?" + +'"The stars," says the old gentleman, "couldn't make a mistake if +they tried. Emma," he says to the other young lady. + +'"Yes, papa," says she. + +'"The same day that makes your cousin Mrs. Grig will unite you to +the gifted Mooney. No remonstrance - no tears. Now, Mr. Grig, let +me conduct you to that hallowed ground, that philosophical retreat, +where my friend and partner, the gifted Mooney of whom I have just +now spoken, is even now pursuing those discoveries which shall +enrich us with the precious metal, and make us masters of the +world. Come, Mr. Grig," he says. + +'"With all my heart, Sir," replies Tom; "and luck to the gifted +Mooney, say I - not so much on his account as for our worthy +selves!" With this sentiment, Tom kissed his hand to the ladies +again, and followed him out; having the gratification to perceive, +as he looked back, that they were all hanging on by the arms and +legs of Galileo Isaac Newton Flamstead, to prevent him from +following the noble stranger, and tearing him to pieces. + +'Gentlemen, Tom's father-in-law that was to be, took him by the +hand, and having lighted a little lamp, led him across a paved +court-yard at the back of the house, into a very large, dark, +gloomy room: filled with all manner of bottles, globes, books, +telescopes, crocodiles, alligators, and other scientific +instruments of every kind. In the centre of this room was a stove +or furnace, with what Tom called a pot, but which in my opinion was +a crucible, in full boil. In one corner was a sort of ladder +leading through the roof; and up this ladder the old gentleman +pointed, as he said in a whisper: + +'"The observatory. Mr. Mooney is even now watching for the precise +time at which we are to come into all the riches of the earth. It +will be necessary for he and I, alone in that silent place, to cast +your nativity before the hour arrives. Put the day and minute of +your birth on this piece of paper, and leave the rest to me." + +'"You don't mean to say," says Tom, doing as he was told and giving +him back the paper, "that I'm to wait here long, do you? It's a +precious dismal place." + +'"Hush!" says the old gentleman. "It's hallowed ground. +Farewell!" + +'"Stop a minute," says Tom. "What a hurry you're in! What's in +that large bottle yonder?" + +'"It's a child with three heads," says the old gentleman; "and +everything else in proportion." + +'"Why don't you throw him away?" says Tom. "What do you keep such +unpleasant things here for?" + +'"Throw him away!" cries the old gentleman. "We use him constantly +in astrology. He's a charm." + +'"I shouldn't have thought it," says Tom, "from his appearance. +MUST you go, I say?" + +'The old gentleman makes him no answer, but climbs up the ladder in +a greater bustle than ever. Tom looked after his legs till there +was nothing of him left, and then sat down to wait; feeling (so he +used to say) as comfortable as if he was going to be made a +freemason, and they were heating the pokers. + +'Tom waited so long, gentlemen, that he began to think it must be +getting on for midnight at least, and felt more dismal and lonely +than ever he had done in all his life. He tried every means of +whiling away the time, but it never had seemed to move so slow. +First, he took a nearer view of the child with three heads, and +thought what a comfort it must have been to his parents. Then he +looked up a long telescope which was pointed out of the window, but +saw nothing particular, in consequence of the stopper being on at +the other end. Then he came to a skeleton in a glass case, +labelled, "Skeleton of a Gentleman - prepared by Mr. Mooney," - +which made him hope that Mr. Mooney might not be in the habit of +preparing gentlemen that way without their own consent. A hundred +times, at least, he looked into the pot where they were boiling the +philosopher's stone down to the proper consistency, and wondered +whether it was nearly done. "When it is," thinks Tom, "I'll send +out for six-penn'orth of sprats, and turn 'em into gold fish for a +first experiment." Besides which, he made up his mind, gentlemen, +to have a country-house and a park; and to plant a bit of it with a +double row of gas-lamps a mile long, and go out every night with a +French-polished mahogany ladder, and two servants in livery behind +him, to light 'em for his own pleasure. + +'At length and at last, the old gentleman's legs appeared upon the +steps leading through the roof, and he came slowly down: bringing +along with him, the gifted Mooney. This Mooney, gentlemen, was +even more scientific in appearance than his friend; and had, as Tom +often declared upon his word and honour, the dirtiest face we can +possibly know of, in this imperfect state of existence. + +'Gentlemen, you are all aware that if a scientific man isn't absent +in his mind, he's of no good at all. Mr. Mooney was so absent, +that when the old gentleman said to him, "Shake hands with Mr. +Grig," he put out his leg. "Here's a mind, Mr. Grig!" cries the +old gentleman in a rapture. "Here's philosophy! Here's +rumination! Don't disturb him," he says, "for this is amazing!" + +'Tom had no wish to disturb him, having nothing particular to say; +but he was so uncommonly amazing, that the old gentleman got +impatient, and determined to give him an electric shock to bring +him to - "for you must know, Mr. Grig," he says, "that we always +keep a strongly charged battery, ready for that purpose." These +means being resorted to, gentlemen, the gifted Mooney revived with +a loud roar, and he no sooner came to himself than both he and the +old gentleman looked at Tom with compassion, and shed tears +abundantly. + +'"My dear friend," says the old gentleman to the Gifted, "prepare +him." + +'"I say," cries Tom, falling back, "none of that, you know. No +preparing by Mr. Mooney if you please." + +'"Alas!" replies the old gentleman, "you don't understand us. My +friend, inform him of his fate. - I can't." + +'The Gifted mustered up his voice, after many efforts, and informed +Tom that his nativity had been carefully cast, and he would expire +at exactly thirty-five minutes, twenty-seven seconds, and five- +sixths of a second past nine o'clock, a.m., on that day two months. + +'Gentlemen, I leave you to judge what were Tom's feelings at this +announcement, on the eve of matrimony and endless riches. "I +think," he says in a trembling voice, "there must be a mistake in +the working of that sum. Will you do me the favour to cast it up +again?" - "There is no mistake," replies the old gentleman, "it is +confirmed by Francis Moore, Physician. Here is the prediction for +to-morrow two months." And he showed him the page, where sure +enough were these words - "The decease of a great person may be +looked for, about this time." + +'"Which," says the old gentleman, "is clearly you, Mr. Grig." + +'"Too clearly," cries Tom, sinking into a chair, and giving one +hand to the old gentleman, and one to the Gifted. "The orb of day +has set on Thomas Grig for ever!" + +'At this affecting remark, the Gifted shed tears again, and the +other two mingled their tears with his, in a kind - if I may use +the expression - of Mooney and Co.'s entire. But the old gentleman +recovering first, observed that this was only a reason for +hastening the marriage, in order that Tom's distinguished race +might be transmitted to posterity; and requesting the Gifted to +console Mr. Grig during his temporary absence, he withdrew to +settle the preliminaries with his niece immediately. + +'And now, gentlemen, a very extraordinary and remarkable occurrence +took place; for as Tom sat in a melancholy way in one chair, and +the Gifted sat in a melancholy way in another, a couple of doors +were thrown violently open, the two young ladies rushed in, and one +knelt down in a loving attitude at Tom's feet, and the other at the +Gifted's. So far, perhaps, as Tom was concerned - as he used to +say - you will say there was nothing strange in this: but you will +be of a different opinion when you understand that Tom's young lady +was kneeling to the Gifted, and the Gifted's young lady was +kneeling to Tom. + +'"Halloa! stop a minute!" cries Tom; "here's a mistake. I need +condoling with by sympathising woman, under my afflicting +circumstances; but we're out in the figure. Change partners, +Mooney." + +'"Monster!" cries Tom's young lady, clinging to the Gifted. + +'"Miss!" says Tom. "Is THAT your manners?" + +'"I abjure thee!" cries Tom's young lady. "I renounce thee. I +never will be thine. Thou," she says to the Gifted, "art the +object of my first and all-engrossing passion. Wrapt in thy +sublime visions, thou hast not perceived my love; but, driven to +despair, I now shake off the woman and avow it. Oh, cruel, cruel +man!" With which reproach she laid her head upon the Gifted's +breast, and put her arms about him in the tenderest manner +possible, gentlemen. + +'"And I," says the other young lady, in a sort of ecstasy, that +made Tom start - "I hereby abjure my chosen husband too. Hear me, +Goblin!" - this was to the Gifted - "Hear me! I hold thee in the +deepest detestation. The maddening interview of this one night has +filled my soul with love - but not for thee. It is for thee, for +thee, young man," she cries to Tom. "As Monk Lewis finely +observes, Thomas, Thomas, I am thine, Thomas, Thomas, thou art +mine: thine for ever, mine for ever!" with which words, she became +very tender likewise. + +'Tom and the Gifted, gentlemen, as you may believe, looked at each +other in a very awkward manner, and with thoughts not at all +complimentary to the two young ladies. As to the Gifted, I have +heard Tom say often, that he was certain he was in a fit, and had +it inwardly. + +'"Speak to me! Oh, speak to me!" cries Tom's young lady to the +Gifted. + +'"I don't want to speak to anybody," he says, finding his voice at +last, and trying to push her away. "I think I had better go. I'm +- I'm frightened," he says, looking about as if he had lost +something. + +'"Not one look of love!" she cries. "Hear me while I declare - " + +'"I don't know how to look a look of love," he says, all in a maze. +"Don't declare anything. I don't want to hear anybody." + +'"That's right!" cries the old gentleman (who it seems had been +listening). "That's right! Don't hear her. Emma shall marry you +to-morrow, my friend, whether she likes it or not, and SHE shall +marry Mr. Grig." + +'Gentlemen, these words were no sooner out of his mouth than +Galileo Isaac Newton Flamstead (who it seems had been listening +too) darts in, and spinning round and round, like a young giant's +top, cries, "Let her. Let her. I'm fierce; I'm furious. I give +her leave. I'll never marry anybody after this - never. It isn't +safe. She is the falsest of the false," he cries, tearing his hair +and gnashing his teeth; "and I'll live and die a bachelor!" + +'"The little boy," observed the Gifted gravely, "albeit of tender +years, has spoken wisdom. I have been led to the contemplation of +woman-kind, and will not adventure on the troubled waters of +matrimony." + +'"What!" says the old gentleman, "not marry my daughter! Won't +you, Mooney? Not if I make her? Won't you? Won't you?" + +'"No," says Mooney, "I won't. And if anybody asks me any more, +I'll run away, and never come back again." + +'"Mr. Grig," says the old gentleman, "the stars must be obeyed. +You have not changed your mind because of a little girlish folly - +eh, Mr. Grig?" + +'Tom, gentlemen, had had his eyes about him, and was pretty sure +that all this was a device and trick of the waiting-maid, to put +him off his inclination. He had seen her hiding and skipping about +the two doors, and had observed that a very little whispering from +her pacified the Salamander directly. "So," thinks Tom, "this is a +plot - but it won't fit." + +'"Eh, Mr. Grig?" says the old gentleman. + +'"Why, Sir," says Tom, pointing to the crucible, "if the soup's +nearly ready - " + +'"Another hour beholds the consummation of our labours," returned +the old gentleman. + +'"Very good," says Tom, with a mournful air. "It's only for two +months, but I may as well be the richest man in the world even for +that time. I'm not particular, I'll take her, Sir. I'll take +her." + +'The old gentleman was in a rapture to find Tom still in the same +mind, and drawing the young lady towards him by little and little, +was joining their hands by main force, when all of a sudden, +gentlemen, the crucible blows up, with a great crash; everybody +screams; the room is filled with smoke; and Tom, not knowing what +may happen next, throws himself into a Fancy attitude, and says, +"Come on, if you're a man!" without addressing himself to anybody +in particular. + +'"The labours of fifteen years!" says the old gentleman, clasping +his hands and looking down upon the Gifted, who was saving the +pieces, "are destroyed in an instant!" - And I am told, gentlemen, +by-the-bye, that this same philosopher's stone would have been +discovered a hundred times at least, to speak within bounds, if it +wasn't for the one unfortunate circumstance that the apparatus +always blows up, when it's on the very point of succeeding. + +'Tom turns pale when he hears the old gentleman expressing himself +to this unpleasant effect, and stammers out that if it's quite +agreeable to all parties, he would like to know exactly what has +happened, and what change has really taken place in the prospects +of that company. + +'"We have failed for the present, Mr. Grig," says the old +gentleman, wiping his forehead. "And I regret it the more, because +I have in fact invested my niece's five thousand pounds in this +glorious speculation. But don't be cast down," he says, anxiously +- "in another fifteen years, Mr. Grig - " + +"Oh!" cries Tom, letting the young lady's hand fall. "Were the +stars very positive about this union, Sir?" + +'"They were," says the old gentleman. + +'"I'm sorry to hear it," Tom makes answer, "for it's no go, Sir." + +'"No what!" cries the old gentleman. + +'"Go, Sir," says Tom, fiercely. "I forbid the banns." And with +these words - which are the very words he used - he sat himself +down in a chair, and, laying his head upon the table, thought with +a secret grief of what was to come to pass on that day two months. + +'Tom always said, gentlemen, that that waiting-maid was the +artfullest minx he had ever seen; and he left it in writing in this +country when he went to colonize abroad, that he was certain in his +own mind she and the Salamander had blown up the philosopher's +stone on purpose, and to cut him out of his property. I believe +Tom was in the right, gentlemen; but whether or no, she comes +forward at this point, and says, "May I speak, Sir?" and the old +gentleman answering, "Yes, you may," she goes on to say that "the +stars are no doubt quite right in every respect, but Tom is not the +man." And she says, "Don't you remember, Sir, that when the clock +struck five this afternoon, you gave Master Galileo a rap on the +head with your telescope, and told him to get out of the way?" +"Yes, I do," says the old gentleman. "Then," says the waiting- +maid, "I say he's the man, and the prophecy is fulfilled." The old +gentleman staggers at this, as if somebody had hit him a blow on +the chest, and cries, "He! why he's a boy!" Upon that, gentlemen, +the Salamander cries out that he'll be twenty-one next Lady-day; +and complains that his father has always been so busy with the sun +round which the earth revolves, that he has never taken any notice +of the son that revolves round him; and that he hasn't had a new +suit of clothes since he was fourteen; and that he wasn't even +taken out of nankeen frocks and trousers till he was quite +unpleasant in 'em; and touches on a good many more family matters +to the same purpose. To make short of a long story, gentlemen, +they all talk together, and cry together, and remind the old +gentleman that as to the noble family, his own grandfather would +have been lord mayor if he hadn't died at a dinner the year before; +and they show him by all kinds of arguments that if the cousins are +married, the prediction comes true every way. At last, the old +gentleman being quite convinced, gives in; and joins their hands; +and leaves his daughter to marry anybody she likes; and they are +all well pleased; and the Gifted as well as any of them. + +'In the middle of this little family party, gentlemen, sits Tom all +the while, as miserable as you like. But, when everything else is +arranged, the old gentleman's daughter says, that their strange +conduct was a little device of the waiting-maid's to disgust the +lovers he had chosen for 'em, and will he forgive her? and if he +will, perhaps he might even find her a husband - and when she says +that, she looks uncommon hard at Tom. Then the waiting-maid says +that, oh dear! she couldn't abear Mr. Grig should think she wanted +him to marry her; and that she had even gone so far as to refuse +the last lamplighter, who was now a literary character (having set +up as a bill-sticker); and that she hoped Mr. Grig would not +suppose she was on her last legs by any means, for the baker was +very strong in his attentions at that moment, and as to the +butcher, he was frantic. And I don't know how much more she might +have said, gentlemen (for, as you know, this kind of young women +are rare ones to talk), if the old gentleman hadn't cut in +suddenly, and asked Tom if he'd have her, with ten pounds to +recompense him for his loss of time and disappointment, and as a +kind of bribe to keep the story secret. + +'"It don't much matter, Sir," says Tom, "I ain't long for this +world. Eight weeks of marriage, especially with this young woman, +might reconcile me to my fate. I think," he says, "I could go off +easy after that." With which he embraces her with a very dismal +face, and groans in a way that might move a heart of stone - even +of philosopher's stone. + +'"Egad," says the old gentleman, "that reminds me - this bustle put +it out of my head - there was a figure wrong. He'll live to a +green old age - eighty-seven at least!" + +'"How much, Sir?" cries Tom. + +'"Eighty-seven!" says the old gentleman. + +'Without another word, Tom flings himself on the old gentleman's +neck; throws up his hat; cuts a caper; defies the waiting-maid; and +refers her to the butcher. + +'"You won't marry her!" says the old gentleman, angrily. + +'"And live after it!" says Tom. "I'd sooner marry a mermaid with a +small-tooth comb and looking-glass." + +'"Then take the consequences," says the other. + +'With those words - I beg your kind attention here, gentlemen, for +it's worth your notice - the old gentleman wetted the forefinger of +his right hand in some of the liquor from the crucible that was +spilt on the floor, and drew a small triangle on Tom's forehead. +The room swam before his eyes, and he found himself in the watch- +house.' + +'Found himself WHERE?' cried the vice, on behalf of the company +generally. + +'In the watch-house,' said the chairman. 'It was late at night, +and he found himself in the very watch-house from which he had been +let out that morning.' + +'Did he go home?' asked the vice. + +'The watch-house people rather objected to that,' said the +chairman; 'so he stopped there that night, and went before the +magistrate in the morning. "Why, you're here again, are you?" says +the magistrate, adding insult to injury; "we'll trouble you for +five shillings more, if you can conveniently spare the money." Tom +told him he had been enchanted, but it was of no use. He told the +contractors the same, but they wouldn't believe him. It was very +hard upon him, gentlemen, as he often said, for was it likely he'd +go and invent such a tale? They shook their heads and told him +he'd say anything but his prayers - as indeed he would; there's no +doubt about that. It was the only imputation on his moral +character that ever I heard of.' + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Etext of The Lamplighter, by Charles Dickens + diff --git a/old/lmplt10.zip b/old/lmplt10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c14166c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/lmplt10.zip |