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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man, by
+Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man
+
+Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+Release Date: November, 2005 [EBook #9247]
+First Posted: September 25, 2003
+Last Updated: December 15, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                 THE DOLIVER ROMANCE AND OTHER PIECES
+
+                         TALES AND SKETCHES
+
+                       By Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+
+             FRAGMENTS FROM THE JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+My poor friend “Oberon”--[See the sketch or story entitled “The Devil in
+Manuscript,” in “The Snow-Image, and other Twice-Told Tales.”]--for let
+me be allowed to distinguish him by so quaint a name--sleeps with the
+silent ages.  He died calmly. Though his disease was pulmonary, his life
+did not flicker out like a wasted lamp, sometimes shooting up into a
+strange temporary brightness; but the tide of being ebbed away, and the
+noon of his existence waned till, in the simple phraseology of
+Scripture, “he was not.”  The last words he said to me were, “Burn my
+papers,--all that you can find in yonder escritoire; for I fear there
+are some there which you may be betrayed into publishing.  I have
+published enough; as for the old disconnected journal in your
+possession--”  But here my poor friend was checked in his utterance by
+that same hollow cough which would never let him alone.  So he coughed
+himself tired, and sank to slumber.  I watched from that midnight hour
+till high noon on the morrow for his waking.  The chamber was dark;
+till, longing for light, I opened the window-shutter, and the broad day
+looked in on the marble features of the dead.
+
+I religiously obeyed his instructions with regard to the papers in the
+escritoire, and burned them in a heap without looking into one, though
+sorely tempted.  But the old journal I kept.  Perhaps in strict
+conscience I ought also to have burned that; but casting my eye over
+some half-torn leaves the other day, I could not resist an impulse to
+give some fragments of it to the public.  To do this satisfactorily,
+I am obliged to twist this thread, so as to string together into a
+semblance of order my Oberon’s “random pearls.”
+
+If anybody that holds any commerce with his fellowmen can be called
+solitary, Oberon was a “solitary man.”  He lived in a small village at
+some distance from the metropolis, and never came up to the city except
+once in three months for the purpose of looking into a bookstore, and of
+spending two hours and a half with me.  In that space of time I would
+tell him all that I could remember of interest which had occurred in the
+interim of his visits.  He would join very heartily in the conversation;
+but as soon as the time of his usual tarrying had elapsed, he would take
+up his hat and depart.  He was unequivocally the most original person I
+ever knew.  His style of composition was very charming.  No tales that
+have ever appeared in our popular journals have been so generally
+admired as his.  But a sadness was on his spirit; and this, added to the
+shrinking sensitiveness of his nature, rendered him not misanthropic,
+but singularly averse to social intercourse.  Of the disease, which was
+slowly sapping the springs of his life, he first became fully conscious
+after one of those long abstractions in which he was wont to indulge.
+It is remarkable, however, that his first idea of this sort, instead of
+deepening his spirit with a more melancholy hue, restored him to a more
+natural state of mind.
+
+He had evidently cherished a secret hope that some impulse would at
+length be given him, or that he would muster sufficient energy of will
+to return into the world, and act a wiser and happier part than his
+former one.  But life never called the dreamer forth; it was Death that
+whispered him.  It is to be regretted that this portion of his old
+journal contains so few passages relative to this interesting period;
+since the little which he has recorded, though melancholy enough,
+breathes the gentleness of a spirit newly restored to communion with its
+kind.  If there be anything bitter in the following reflections, its
+source is in human sympathy, and its sole object is himself.
+
+“It is hard to die without one’s happiness; to none more so than myself,
+whose early resolution it had been to partake largely of the joys of
+life, but never to be burdened with its cares.  Vain philosophy!  The
+very hardships of the poorest laborer, whose whole existence seems one
+long toil, has something preferable to my best pleasures.
+
+“Merely skimming the surface of life, I know nothing, by my own
+experience, of its deep and warm realities.  I have achieved none of
+those objects which the instinct of mankind especially prompts them to
+pursue, and the accomplishment of which must therefore beget a native
+satisfaction.  The truly wise, after all their speculations, will be led
+into the common path, and, in homage to the human nature that pervades
+them, will gather gold, and till the earth, and set out trees, and build
+a house.  But I have scorned such wisdom.  I have rejected, also, the
+settled, sober, careful gladness of a man by his own fireside, with
+those around him whose welfare is committed to his trust and all their
+guidance to his fond authority.  Without influence among serious
+affairs, my footsteps were not imprinted on the earth, but lost in air;
+and I shall leave no son to inherit my share of life, with a better
+sense of its privileges and duties, when his father should vanish like a
+bubble; so that few mortals, even the humblest and the weakest, have
+been such ineffectual shadows in the world, or die so utterly as I must.
+Even a young man’s bliss has not been mine.  With a thousand vagrant
+fantasies, I have never truly loved, and perhaps shall be doomed to
+loneliness throughout the eternal future, because, here on earth, my
+soul has never married itself to the soul of woman.
+
+“Such are the repinings of one who feels, too late, that the sympathies
+of his nature have avenged themselves upon him.  They have prostrated,
+with a joyless life and the prospect of a reluctant death, my selfish
+purpose to keep aloof from mortal disquietudes, and be a pleasant idler
+among care-stricken and laborious men.  I have other regrets, too,
+savoring more of my old spirit.  The time has been when I meant to visit
+every region of the earth, except the poles and Central Africa.  I had a
+strange longing to see the Pyramids.  To Persia and Arabia, and all the
+gorgeous East, I owed a pilgrimage for the sake of their magic tales.
+And England, the land of my ancestors!  Once I had fancied that my sleep
+would not be quiet in the grave unless I should return, as it were, to
+my home of past ages, and see the very cities, and castles, and
+battle-fields of history, and stand within the holy gloom of its
+cathedrals, and kneel at the shrines of its immortal poets, there
+asserting myself their hereditary countryman.  This feeling lay among the
+deepest in my heart.  Yet, with this homesickness for the father-land, and
+all these plans of remote travel,--which I yet believe that my peculiar
+instinct impelled me to form, and upbraided me for not accomplishing,--the
+utmost limit of my wanderings has been little more than six hundred miles
+from my native village.  Thus, in whatever way I consider my life, or what
+must be termed such, I cannot feel as if I had lived at all.
+
+“I am possessed, also, with the thought that I have never yet discovered
+the real secret of my powers; that there has been a mighty treasure
+within my reach, a mine of gold beneath my feet, worthless because I
+have never known how to seek for it; and for want of perhaps one
+fortunate idea, I am to die
+
+          ‘Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.’
+
+“Once, amid the troubled and tumultuous enjoyment of my life, there was
+a dreamy thought that haunted me, the terrible necessity imposed on
+mortals to grow old, or die.  I could not bear the idea of losing one
+youthful grace.  True, I saw other men, who had once been young and now
+were old, enduring their age with equanimity, because each year
+reconciled them to its own added weight.  But for myself, I felt that
+age would be not less miserable, creeping upon me slowly, than if it
+fell at once.  I sometimes looked in the glass, and endeavored to fancy
+my cheeks yellow and interlaced with furrows, my forehead wrinkled
+deeply across, the top of my head bald and polished, my eyebrows and
+side-locks iron gray, and a grisly beard sprouting on my chin.
+Shuddering at the picture, I changed it for the dead face of a young
+mail, with dark locks clustering heavily round its pale beauty, which
+would decay, indeed, but not with years, nor in the sight of men.  The
+latter visage shocked me least.
+
+“Such a repugnance to the hard conditions of long life is common to all
+sensitive and thoughtful men, who minister to the luxury, the
+refinements, the gayety and lightsomeness, to anything, in short, but
+the real necessities of their fellow-creatures.  He who has a part in
+the serious business of life, though it be only as a shoemaker, feels
+himself equally respectable in youth and in age, and therefore is
+content to live and look forward to wrinkles and decrepitude in their
+due season.  It is far otherwise with the busy idlers of the world.  I
+was particularly liable to this torment, being a meditative person in
+spite of my levity.  The truth could not be concealed, nor the
+contemplation of it avoided.  With deep inquietude I became aware that
+what was graceful now, and seemed appropriate enough to my age of
+flowers, would be ridiculous in middle life; and that the world, so
+indulgent to the fantastic youth, would scorn the bearded than, still
+telling love-tales, loftily ambitious of a maiden’s tears, and squeezing
+out, as it were, with his brawny strength, the essence of roses.  And in
+his old age the sweet lyrics of Anacreon made the girls laugh at his
+white hairs the more.  With such sentiments, conscious that my part in
+the drama of life was fit only for a youthful performer, I nourished a
+regretful desire to be summoned early from the scene.  I set a limit to
+myself, the age of twenty-five, few years indeed, but too many to be
+thrown away.  Scarcely had I thus fixed the term of my mortal
+pilgrimage, than the thought grew into a presentiment that, when the
+space should be completed, the world would have one butterfly the less,
+by my far flight.
+
+“O, how fond I was of life, even while allotting, as my proper destiny,
+an early death!  I loved the world, its cities, its villages, its grassy
+roadsides, its wild forests, its quiet scenes, its gay, warm, enlivening
+bustle; in every aspect, I loved the world so long as I could behold it
+with young eyes and dance through it with a young heart.  The earth had
+been made so beautiful, that I longed for no brighter sphere, but only
+an ever-youthful eternity in this.  I clung to earth as if my beginning
+and ending were to be there, unable to imagine any but an earthly
+happiness, and choosing such, with all its imperfections, rather than
+perfect bliss which might be alien from it.  Alas!  I had not wet known
+that weariness by which the soul proves itself ethereal.”
+
+Turning over the old journal, I open, by chance, upon a passage which
+affords a signal instance of the morbid fancies to which Oberon
+frequently yielded himself.  Dreams like the following were probably
+engendered by the deep gloom sometimes thrown over his mind by his
+reflections on death.
+
+“I dreamed that one bright forenoon I was walking through Broadway, and
+seeking to cheer myself with the warm and busy life of that far-famed
+promenade.  Here a coach thundered over the pavement, and there an
+unwieldy omnibus, with spruce gigs rattling past, and horsemen prancing
+through all the bustle.  On the sidewalk people were looking at the rich
+display of goods, the plate and jewelry, or the latest caricature ill
+the bookseller’s windows; while fair ladies and whiskered gentlemen
+tripped gayly along, nodding mutual recognitions, or shrinking from some
+rough countryman or sturdy laborer whose contact might have ruffled
+their finery.  I found myself in this animated scene, with a dim and
+misty idea that it was not my proper place, or that I had ventured into
+the crowd with some singularity of dress or aspect which made me
+ridiculous.  Walking in the sunshine, I was yet cold as death.  By
+degrees, too, I perceived myself the object of universal attention, and,
+as it seemed, of horror and affright.  Every face grew pale; the laugh
+was hushed, and the voices died away in broken syllables; the people in
+the shops crowded to the doors with a ghastly stare, and the passengers
+oil all sides fled as from an embodied pestilence.  The horses reared
+and snorted.  An old beggar-woman sat before St. Paul’s Church, with her
+withered palm stretched out to all, but drew it back from me, and
+pointed to the graves and monuments in that populous churchyard.  Three
+lovely girls whom I had formerly known, ran shrieking across the street.
+A personage in black, whom I was about to overtake, suddenly turned his
+head and showed the features of a long-lost friend.  He gave me a look
+of horror and was gone.
+
+“I passed not one step farther, but threw my eyes on a looking-glass
+which stood deep within the nearest shop.  At first glimpse of my own
+figure I awoke, with a horrible sensation of self-terror and
+self-loathing.  No wonder that the affrighted city fled!  I had been
+promenading Broadway in my shroud!”
+
+I should be doing injustice to my friend’s memory, were I to publish
+other extracts even nearer to insanity than this, front the scarcely
+legible papers before me.  I gather from them--for I do not remember
+that he ever related to me the circumstances--that he once made a
+journey, chiefly on foot, to Niagara.  Some conduct of the friends among
+whom he resided in his native village was constructed by him into
+oppression.  These were the friends to whose care he had been committed
+by his parents, who died when Oberon was about twelve years of age.
+Though he had always been treated by them with the most uniform
+kindness, and though a favorite among the people of the village rather
+on account of the sympathy which they felt in his situation than from
+any merit of his own, such was the waywardness of his temper, that on
+a slight provocation he ran away from the home that sheltered him,
+expressing openly his determination to die sooner than return to the
+detested spot.  A severe illness overtook him after he had been absent
+about four months.  While ill, he felt how unsoothing were the kindest
+looks and tones of strangers.  He rose from his sick-bed a better man,
+and determined upon a speedy self-atonement by returning to his native
+town.  There he lived, solitary and sad, but forgiven and cherished by
+his friends, till the day he died.  That part of the journal which
+contained a description of this journey is mostly destroyed.  Here and
+there is a fragment.  I cannot select, for the pages are very scanty;
+but I do not withhold the following fragments, because they indicate a
+better and more cheerful frame of mind than the foregoing.
+
+“On reaching the ferry-house, a rude structure of boards at the foot of
+the cliff, I found several of those wretches devoid of poetry, and lost
+some of my own poetry by contact with them.  The hut was crowded by a
+party of provincials,--a simple and merry set, who had spent the
+afternoon fishing near the Falls, and were bartering black and white
+bass and eels for the ferryman’s whiskey.  A greyhound and three
+spaniels, brutes of much more grace and decorous demeanor than their
+masters, sat at the door.  A few yards off, yet wholly unnoticed by the
+dogs, was a beautiful fox, whose countenance betokened all the sagacity
+attributed to him in ancient fable.  He had a comfortable bed of straw
+in an old barrel, whither he retreated, flourishing his bushy tail as I
+made a step towards him, but soon came forth and surveyed me with a keen
+and intelligent eye.  The Canadians bartered their fish and drank their
+whiskey, and were loquacious on trifling subjects, and merry at simple
+jests, with as little regard to the scenery as they could have to the
+flattest part of the Grand Canal.  Nor was I entitled to despise them;
+for I amused myself with all those foolish matters of fishermen, and
+dogs, and fox, just as if Sublimity and Beauty were not married at that
+place and moment; as if their nuptial band were not the brightest of all
+rainbows on the opposite shore; as if the gray precipice were not
+frowning above my head and Niagara thundering around me.
+
+“The grim ferryman, a black-whiskered giant, half drunk withal, now
+thrust the Canadians by main force out of his door, launched a boat, and
+bade me sit in the stern-sheets.  Where we crossed the river was white
+with foam, yet did not offer much resistance to a straight passage,
+which brought us close to the outer edge of the American falls.  The
+rainbow vanished as we neared its misty base, and when I leaped ashore,
+the sun had left all Niagara in shadow.”
+
+“A sound of merriment, sweet voices and girlish laughter, came dancing
+through the solemn roar of waters.  In old times, when the French, and
+afterwards the English, held garrisons near Niagara, it used to be
+deemed a feat worthy of a soldier, a frontier man, or an Indian, to
+cross the rapids to Goat Island.  As the country became less rude and
+warlike, a long space intervened, in which it was but half believed, by
+a faint and doubtful tradition, that mortal foot bad never trod this
+wild spot of precipice and forest clinging between two cataracts.  The
+island is no longer a tangled forest, but a grove of stately trees, with
+grassy intervals about their roots and woodland paths among their
+trunks.
+
+“There was neither soldier nor Indian here now, but a vision of three
+lovely girls, running brief races through the broken sunshine of the
+grove, hiding behind the trees, and pelting each other with the cones of
+the pine.  When their sport had brought them near me, it so happened
+that one of the party ran up and shook me by the band,--a greeting which
+I heartily returned, and would have done the same had it been tenderer.
+I had known this wild little black-eyed lass in my youth and her
+childhood, before I had commenced my rambles.
+
+“We met on terms of freedom and kindness, which elder ladies might have
+thought unsuitable with a gentleman of my description.  When I alluded
+to the two fair strangers, she shouted after them by their Christian
+names, at which summons, with grave dignity, they drew near, and honored
+me with a distant courtesy.  They were from the upper part of Vermont.
+Whether sisters, or cousins, or at all related to each other, I cannot
+tell; but they are planted in my memory like ‘two twin roses on one
+stem,’ with the fresh dew in both their bosoms; and when I would have
+pure and pleasant thoughts, I think of them.  Neither of them could have
+seen seventeen years.  They both were of a height, and that a moderate
+one.  The rose-bloom of their cheeks could hardly be called bright in
+her who was the rosiest, nor faint, though a shade less deep, in her
+companion.  Both had delicate eyebrows, not strongly defined, yet
+somewhat darker than their hair; both had small sweet mouths, maiden
+mouths, of not so warns and deep a tint as ruby, but only red as the
+reddest rose; each had those gems, the rarest, the most precious, a pair
+of clear, soft bright blue eyes.  Their style of dress was similar; one
+had on a black silk gown, with a stomacher of velvet, and scalloped
+cuffs of the same from the wrist to the elbow; the other wore cuffs and
+stomacher of the like pattern and material, over a gown of crimson silk.
+The dress was rather heavy for their slight figures, but suited to
+September.  They and the darker beauty all carried their straw bonnets
+in their hands.”
+
+I cannot better conclude these fragments than with poor Oberon’s
+description of his return to his native village after his slow recovery
+from his illness.  How beautifully does he express his penitential
+emotions!  A beautiful moral may be indeed drawn from the early death of
+a sensitive recluse, who had shunned the ordinary avenues of
+distinction, and with splendid abilities sank to rest into an early
+grave, almost unknown to mankind, and without any record save what my
+pen hastily leaves upon these tear-blotted pages.
+
+
+
+II.
+
+MY HOME RETURN.
+
+When the stage-coach had gained the summit of the hill, I alighted to
+perform the small remainder of my journey on foot.  There had not been
+a more delicious afternoon than this in all the train of summer, the air
+being a sunny perfume, made up of balm and warmth, and gentle
+brightness.  The oak and walnut trees over my head retained their deep
+masses of foliage, and the grass, though for months the pasturage of
+stray cattle, had been revived with the freshness of early June by the
+autumnal rains of the preceding week.  The garb of autumn, indeed,
+resembled that of spring.  Dandelions and butterflies were sprinkled
+along the roadside like drops of brightest gold in greenest grass, and a
+star-shaped little flower of blue, with a golden centre.  In a rocky
+spot, and rooted under the stone walk, there was one wild rose-bush
+bearing three roses very faintly tinted, but blessed with a spicy
+fragrance.  The same tokens would have announced that the year was
+brightening into the glow of summer.  There were violets too, though few
+and pale ones.  But the breath of September was diffused through the
+mild air, and became perceptible, too thrillingly for my enfeebled
+frame, whenever a little breeze shook out the latent coolness.
+
+“I was standing on the hill at the entrance of my native village, whence
+I had looked back to bid farewell, and forward to the pale mist-bow that
+overarched my path, and was the omen of my fortunes.  How I had
+misinterpreted that augury, the ghost of hope, with none of hope’s
+bright hues!  Nor could I deem that all its portents were yet
+accomplished, though from the same western sky the declining sun shone
+brightly in my face.  But I was calm and not depressed.  Turning to the
+village, so dim and dream-like at my last view, I saw the white houses
+and brick stores, the intermingled trees, the footpaths with their wide
+borders of grass, and the dusty road between; all a picture of peaceful
+gladness in the sunshine.
+
+“‘Why have I never loved my home before?’ thought I, as my spirit
+reposed itself on the quiet beauty of the scene.
+
+“On the side of the opposite hill was the graveyard, sloping towards the
+farther extremity of the village.  The sun shone as cheerfully there as
+on the abodes of the living, and showed all the little hillocks and the
+burial-stones, white marble or slate, and here and there a tomb, with
+the pleasant grass about them all.  A single tree was tinged with glory
+from the west, and threw a pensive shade behind.  Not far from where it
+fell was the tomb of my parents, whom I had hardly thought of in bidding
+adieu to the village, but had remembered them more faithfully among the
+feelings that drew me homeward.  At my departure their tomb had been
+hidden in the morning mist.  Beholding it in the sunshine now, I felt a
+sensation through my frame as if a breeze had thrown the coolness of
+September over me, though not a leaf was stirred, nor did the thistle-down
+take flight.  Was I to roam no more through this beautiful world,
+but only to the other end of the village?  Then let me lie down near my
+parents, but not with them, because I love a green grave better than a
+tomb.
+
+“Moving slowly forward, I heard shouts and laughter, and perceived a
+considerable throng of people, who came from behind the meeting-house
+and made a stand in front of it.  Thither all the idlers in the village
+were congregated to witness the exercises of the engine company, this
+being the afternoon of their monthly practice.  They deluged the roof of
+the meeting-house, till the water fell from the eaves in a broad
+cascade; then the stream beat against the dusty windows like a
+thunder-storm;  and sometimes they flung it up beside the steeple,
+sparkling in an ascending shower about the weathercock.  For variety’s
+sake the engineer made it undulate horizontally, like a great serpent
+flying over the earth.  As his last effort, being roguishly inclined, he
+seemed to take aim at the sky, falling short rather of which, down came
+the fluid, transformed to drops of silver, on the thickest crowd of the
+spectators.  Then ensued a prodigious rout and mirthful uproar, with no
+little wrath of the surly ones, whom this is an infallible method of
+distinguishing. The joke afforded infinite amusement to the ladies at the
+windows and some old people under the hay-scales.  I also laughed at a
+distance, and was glad to find myself susceptible, as of old, to the
+simple mirth of such a scene.
+
+“But the thoughts that it excited were not all mirthful.  I had
+witnessed hundreds of such spectacles in my youth, and one precisely
+similar only a few days before my departure.  And now, the aspect of the
+village being the same, and the crowd composed of my old acquaintances,
+I could hardly realize that years had passed, or even months, or that
+the very drops of water were not falling at this moment, which had been
+flung up then.  But I pressed the conviction home, that, brief as the
+time appeared, it had been long enough for me to wander away and return
+again, with my fate accomplished, and little more hope in this world.
+The last throb of an adventurous and wayward spirit kept me from
+repining.  I felt as if it were better, or not worse, to have compressed
+my enjoyments and sufferings into a few wild years, and then to rest
+myself in an early grave, than to have chosen the untroubled and
+ungladdened course of the crowd before me, whose days were all alike,
+and a long lifetime like each day.  But the sentiment startled me.  For
+a moment I doubted whether my dear-bought wisdom were anything but the
+incapacity to pursue fresh follies, and whether, if health and strength
+could be restored that night, I should be found in the village after
+to-morrow’s dawn.
+
+“Among other novelties, I had noticed that the tavern was now designated
+as a Temperance House, in letters extending across the whole front, with
+a smaller sign promising Hot Coffee at all hours, and Spruce Beer to
+lodgers gratis.  There were few new buildings, except a Methodist chapel
+and a printing-office, with a bookstore in the lower story.  The golden
+mortar still ornamented the apothecary’s door, nor had the Indian Chief,
+with his gilded tobacco stalk, been relieved from doing sentinel’s duty
+before Dominicus Pike’s grocery.  The gorgeous silks, though of later
+patterns, were still flaunting like a banner in front of Mr.
+Nightingale’s dry-goods store.  Some of the signs introduced me to
+strangers, whose predecessors had failed, or emigrated to the West, or
+removed merely to the other end of the village, transferring their names
+from the sign-boards to slabs of marble or slate.  But, on the whole,
+death and vicissitude had done very little.  There were old men,
+scattered about the street, who had been old in my earliest
+reminiscences; and, as if their venerable forms were permanent parts of
+the creation, they appeared to be hale and hearty old men yet.  The less
+elderly were more altered, having generally contracted a stoop, with
+hair wofully thinned and whitened.  Some I could hardly recognize; at my
+last glance they had been boys and girls, but were young men and women
+when I looked again; and there were happy little things too, rolling
+about on the grass, whom God had made since my departure.
+
+“But now, in my lingering course I had descended the bill, and began to
+consider, painfully enough, how I should meet my townspeople, and what
+reception they would give me.  Of many an evil prophecy, doubtless, had
+I been the subject.  And would they salute me with a roar of triumph or
+a low hiss of scorn, on beholding their worst anticipations more than
+accomplished?
+
+“‘No,’ said I, ‘they will not triumph over me.  And should they ask the
+cause of my return, I will tell f hem that a man may go far and tarry
+long away, if his health be good and his hopes high; but that when flesh
+and spirit begin to fail, he remembers his birthplace and the old
+burial-ground, and hears a voice calling him to cone home to his father
+and mother.  They will know, by my wasted frame and feeble step, that I
+have heard the summons and obeyed.  And, the first greetings over, they
+will let me walk among them unnoticed, and linger in the sunshine while
+I may, and steal into my grave in peace.’
+
+“With these reflections I looked kindly at the crowd, and drew off my
+glove, ready to give my hand to the first that should put forth his.  It
+occurred to me, also, that some youth among them, now at the crisis of
+his fate, might have felt his bosom thrill at my example, and be emulous
+of my wild life and worthless fame.  But I would save him.
+
+“‘He shall be taught,’ said I, ‘by my life, and by my death, that the
+world is a sad one for him who shrinks from its sober duties.  My
+experience shall warn him to adopt some great and serious aim, such as
+manhood will cling to, that he may not feel himself, too late, a
+cumberer of this overladen earth, but a man among men.  I will beseech
+him not to follow an eccentric path, nor, by stepping aside from the
+highway of human affairs, to relinquish his claim upon human sympathy.
+And often, as a text of deep and varied meaning, I will remind him that
+he is an American.’
+
+“By this time I had drawn near the meeting-house, and perceived that the
+crowd were beginning to recognize me.”
+
+
+These are the last words traced by his hand.  Has not so chastened a
+spirit found true communion with the pure in Heaven?  “Until of late, I
+never could believe that I was seriously ill: the past, I thought, could
+not extend its misery beyond itself; life was restored to me, and should
+not be missed again.  I had day-dreams even of wedded happiness.  Still,
+as the days wear on, a faintness creeps through my frame and spirit,
+recalling the consciousness that a very old man might as well nourish
+hope and young desire as I at twenty-four.  Yet the consciousness of my
+situation does not always make me sad.  Sometimes I look upon the world
+with a quiet interest, because it cannot, concern me personally, and a
+loving one for the same reason, because nothing selfish can interfere
+with the sense of brotherhood.  Soon to be all spirit, I have already a
+spiritual sense of human nature, and see deeply into the hearts of
+mankind, discovering what is hidden from the wisest.  The loves of young
+men and virgins are known to me, before the first kiss, before the
+whispered word, with the birth of the first sigh.  My glance comprehends
+the crowd, and penetrates the breast of the solitary man.  I think
+better of the world than formerly, more generously of its virtues, more
+mercifully of its faults, with a higher estimate of its present
+happiness, and brighter hopes of its destiny.  My mind has put forth a
+second crop of blossoms, as the trees do in the Indian summer.  No
+winter will destroy their beauty, for they are fanned by the breeze and
+freshened by the shower that breathes and falls in the gardens of
+Paradise!”
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments from The Journal of a
+Solitary Man, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
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+  <head>
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg E-text of Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary
+      Man, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
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+  <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man, by
+Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man
+
+Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+
+Release Date: November, 2005 [EBook #9247]
+First Posted: September 25, 2003
+Last Updated: December 15, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger and Al Haines
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h4>
+      THE DOLIVER ROMANCE AND OTHER PIECES<br />
+    </h4>
+    <h4>
+      TALES AND SKETCHES<br />
+    </h4>
+    <h3>
+      By Nathaniel Hawthorne<br />
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      FRAGMENTS FROM THE JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN<br />
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      I.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      My poor friend &ldquo;Oberon&rdquo;&mdash;[See the sketch or story entitled &ldquo;The Devil
+      in Manuscript,&rdquo; in &ldquo;The Snow-Image, and other Twice-Told Tales.&rdquo;]&mdash;for
+      let me be allowed to distinguish him by so quaint a name&mdash;sleeps with
+      the silent ages. He died calmly. Though his disease was pulmonary, his
+      life did not flicker out like a wasted lamp, sometimes shooting up into a
+      strange temporary brightness; but the tide of being ebbed away, and the
+      noon of his existence waned till, in the simple phraseology of Scripture,
+      &ldquo;he was not.&rdquo; The last words he said to me were, &ldquo;Burn my papers,&mdash;all
+      that you can find in yonder escritoire; for I fear there are some there
+      which you may be betrayed into publishing. I have published enough; as for
+      the old disconnected journal in your possession&mdash;&rdquo; But here my poor
+      friend was checked in his utterance by that same hollow cough which would
+      never let him alone. So he coughed himself tired, and sank to slumber. I
+      watched from that midnight hour till high noon on the morrow for his
+      waking. The chamber was dark; till, longing for light, I opened the
+      window-shutter, and the broad day looked in on the marble features of the
+      dead.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I religiously obeyed his instructions with regard to the papers in the
+      escritoire, and burned them in a heap without looking into one, though
+      sorely tempted. But the old journal I kept. Perhaps in strict conscience I
+      ought also to have burned that; but casting my eye over some half-torn
+      leaves the other day, I could not resist an impulse to give some fragments
+      of it to the public. To do this satisfactorily, I am obliged to twist this
+      thread, so as to string together into a semblance of order my Oberon&rsquo;s
+      &ldquo;random pearls.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      If anybody that holds any commerce with his fellowmen can be called
+      solitary, Oberon was a &ldquo;solitary man.&rdquo; He lived in a small village at some
+      distance from the metropolis, and never came up to the city except once in
+      three months for the purpose of looking into a bookstore, and of spending
+      two hours and a half with me. In that space of time I would tell him all
+      that I could remember of interest which had occurred in the interim of his
+      visits. He would join very heartily in the conversation; but as soon as
+      the time of his usual tarrying had elapsed, he would take up his hat and
+      depart. He was unequivocally the most original person I ever knew. His
+      style of composition was very charming. No tales that have ever appeared
+      in our popular journals have been so generally admired as his. But a
+      sadness was on his spirit; and this, added to the shrinking sensitiveness
+      of his nature, rendered him not misanthropic, but singularly averse to
+      social intercourse. Of the disease, which was slowly sapping the springs
+      of his life, he first became fully conscious after one of those long
+      abstractions in which he was wont to indulge. It is remarkable, however,
+      that his first idea of this sort, instead of deepening his spirit with a
+      more melancholy hue, restored him to a more natural state of mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He had evidently cherished a secret hope that some impulse would at length
+      be given him, or that he would muster sufficient energy of will to return
+      into the world, and act a wiser and happier part than his former one. But
+      life never called the dreamer forth; it was Death that whispered him. It
+      is to be regretted that this portion of his old journal contains so few
+      passages relative to this interesting period; since the little which he
+      has recorded, though melancholy enough, breathes the gentleness of a
+      spirit newly restored to communion with its kind. If there be anything
+      bitter in the following reflections, its source is in human sympathy, and
+      its sole object is himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is hard to die without one&rsquo;s happiness; to none more so than myself,
+      whose early resolution it had been to partake largely of the joys of life,
+      but never to be burdened with its cares. Vain philosophy! The very
+      hardships of the poorest laborer, whose whole existence seems one long
+      toil, has something preferable to my best pleasures.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Merely skimming the surface of life, I know nothing, by my own
+      experience, of its deep and warm realities. I have achieved none of those
+      objects which the instinct of mankind especially prompts them to pursue,
+      and the accomplishment of which must therefore beget a native
+      satisfaction. The truly wise, after all their speculations, will be led
+      into the common path, and, in homage to the human nature that pervades
+      them, will gather gold, and till the earth, and set out trees, and build a
+      house. But I have scorned such wisdom. I have rejected, also, the settled,
+      sober, careful gladness of a man by his own fireside, with those around
+      him whose welfare is committed to his trust and all their guidance to his
+      fond authority. Without influence among serious affairs, my footsteps were
+      not imprinted on the earth, but lost in air; and I shall leave no son to
+      inherit my share of life, with a better sense of its privileges and
+      duties, when his father should vanish like a bubble; so that few mortals,
+      even the humblest and the weakest, have been such ineffectual shadows in
+      the world, or die so utterly as I must. Even a young man&rsquo;s bliss has not
+      been mine. With a thousand vagrant fantasies, I have never truly loved,
+      and perhaps shall be doomed to loneliness throughout the eternal future,
+      because, here on earth, my soul has never married itself to the soul of
+      woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Such are the repinings of one who feels, too late, that the sympathies of
+      his nature have avenged themselves upon him. They have prostrated, with a
+      joyless life and the prospect of a reluctant death, my selfish purpose to
+      keep aloof from mortal disquietudes, and be a pleasant idler among
+      care-stricken and laborious men. I have other regrets, too, savoring more
+      of my old spirit. The time has been when I meant to visit every region of
+      the earth, except the poles and Central Africa. I had a strange longing to
+      see the Pyramids. To Persia and Arabia, and all the gorgeous East, I owed
+      a pilgrimage for the sake of their magic tales. And England, the land of
+      my ancestors! Once I had fancied that my sleep would not be quiet in the
+      grave unless I should return, as it were, to my home of past ages, and see
+      the very cities, and castles, and battle-fields of history, and stand
+      within the holy gloom of its cathedrals, and kneel at the shrines of its
+      immortal poets, there asserting myself their hereditary countryman. This
+      feeling lay among the deepest in my heart. Yet, with this homesickness for
+      the father-land, and all these plans of remote travel,&mdash;which I yet
+      believe that my peculiar instinct impelled me to form, and upbraided me
+      for not accomplishing,&mdash;the utmost limit of my wanderings has been
+      little more than six hundred miles from my native village. Thus, in
+      whatever way I consider my life, or what must be termed such, I cannot
+      feel as if I had lived at all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am possessed, also, with the thought that I have never yet discovered
+      the real secret of my powers; that there has been a mighty treasure within
+      my reach, a mine of gold beneath my feet, worthless because I have never
+      known how to seek for it; and for want of perhaps one fortunate idea, I am
+      to die
+    </p>
+    <p class="poem">
+      &lsquo;Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.&lsquo;<br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Once, amid the troubled and tumultuous enjoyment of my life, there was a
+      dreamy thought that haunted me, the terrible necessity imposed on mortals
+      to grow old, or die. I could not bear the idea of losing one youthful
+      grace. True, I saw other men, who had once been young and now were old,
+      enduring their age with equanimity, because each year reconciled them to
+      its own added weight. But for myself, I felt that age would be not less
+      miserable, creeping upon me slowly, than if it fell at once. I sometimes
+      looked in the glass, and endeavored to fancy my cheeks yellow and
+      interlaced with furrows, my forehead wrinkled deeply across, the top of my
+      head bald and polished, my eyebrows and side-locks iron gray, and a grisly
+      beard sprouting on my chin. Shuddering at the picture, I changed it for
+      the dead face of a young mail, with dark locks clustering heavily round
+      its pale beauty, which would decay, indeed, but not with years, nor in the
+      sight of men. The latter visage shocked me least.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Such a repugnance to the hard conditions of long life is common to all
+      sensitive and thoughtful men, who minister to the luxury, the refinements,
+      the gayety and lightsomeness, to anything, in short, but the real
+      necessities of their fellow-creatures. He who has a part in the serious
+      business of life, though it be only as a shoemaker, feels himself equally
+      respectable in youth and in age, and therefore is content to live and look
+      forward to wrinkles and decrepitude in their due season. It is far
+      otherwise with the busy idlers of the world. I was particularly liable to
+      this torment, being a meditative person in spite of my levity. The truth
+      could not be concealed, nor the contemplation of it avoided. With deep
+      inquietude I became aware that what was graceful now, and seemed
+      appropriate enough to my age of flowers, would be ridiculous in middle
+      life; and that the world, so indulgent to the fantastic youth, would scorn
+      the bearded than, still telling love-tales, loftily ambitious of a
+      maiden&rsquo;s tears, and squeezing out, as it were, with his brawny strength,
+      the essence of roses. And in his old age the sweet lyrics of Anacreon made
+      the girls laugh at his white hairs the more. With such sentiments,
+      conscious that my part in the drama of life was fit only for a youthful
+      performer, I nourished a regretful desire to be summoned early from the
+      scene. I set a limit to myself, the age of twenty-five, few years indeed,
+      but too many to be thrown away. Scarcely had I thus fixed the term of my
+      mortal pilgrimage, than the thought grew into a presentiment that, when
+      the space should be completed, the world would have one butterfly the
+      less, by my far flight.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;O, how fond I was of life, even while allotting, as my proper destiny, an
+      early death! I loved the world, its cities, its villages, its grassy
+      roadsides, its wild forests, its quiet scenes, its gay, warm, enlivening
+      bustle; in every aspect, I loved the world so long as I could behold it
+      with young eyes and dance through it with a young heart. The earth had
+      been made so beautiful, that I longed for no brighter sphere, but only an
+      ever-youthful eternity in this. I clung to earth as if my beginning and
+      ending were to be there, unable to imagine any but an earthly happiness,
+      and choosing such, with all its imperfections, rather than perfect bliss
+      which might be alien from it. Alas! I had not wet known that weariness by
+      which the soul proves itself ethereal.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Turning over the old journal, I open, by chance, upon a passage which
+      affords a signal instance of the morbid fancies to which Oberon frequently
+      yielded himself. Dreams like the following were probably engendered by the
+      deep gloom sometimes thrown over his mind by his reflections on death.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I dreamed that one bright forenoon I was walking through Broadway, and
+      seeking to cheer myself with the warm and busy life of that far-famed
+      promenade. Here a coach thundered over the pavement, and there an unwieldy
+      omnibus, with spruce gigs rattling past, and horsemen prancing through all
+      the bustle. On the sidewalk people were looking at the rich display of
+      goods, the plate and jewelry, or the latest caricature ill the
+      bookseller&rsquo;s windows; while fair ladies and whiskered gentlemen tripped
+      gayly along, nodding mutual recognitions, or shrinking from some rough
+      countryman or sturdy laborer whose contact might have ruffled their
+      finery. I found myself in this animated scene, with a dim and misty idea
+      that it was not my proper place, or that I had ventured into the crowd
+      with some singularity of dress or aspect which made me ridiculous. Walking
+      in the sunshine, I was yet cold as death. By degrees, too, I perceived
+      myself the object of universal attention, and, as it seemed, of horror and
+      affright. Every face grew pale; the laugh was hushed, and the voices died
+      away in broken syllables; the people in the shops crowded to the doors
+      with a ghastly stare, and the passengers oil all sides fled as from an
+      embodied pestilence. The horses reared and snorted. An old beggar-woman
+      sat before St. Paul&rsquo;s Church, with her withered palm stretched out to all,
+      but drew it back from me, and pointed to the graves and monuments in that
+      populous churchyard. Three lovely girls whom I had formerly known, ran
+      shrieking across the street. A personage in black, whom I was about to
+      overtake, suddenly turned his head and showed the features of a long-lost
+      friend. He gave me a look of horror and was gone.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I passed not one step farther, but threw my eyes on a looking-glass which
+      stood deep within the nearest shop. At first glimpse of my own figure I
+      awoke, with a horrible sensation of self-terror and self-loathing. No
+      wonder that the affrighted city fled! I had been promenading Broadway in
+      my shroud!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I should be doing injustice to my friend&rsquo;s memory, were I to publish other
+      extracts even nearer to insanity than this, front the scarcely legible
+      papers before me. I gather from them&mdash;for I do not remember that he
+      ever related to me the circumstances&mdash;that he once made a journey,
+      chiefly on foot, to Niagara. Some conduct of the friends among whom he
+      resided in his native village was constructed by him into oppression.
+      These were the friends to whose care he had been committed by his parents,
+      who died when Oberon was about twelve years of age. Though he had always
+      been treated by them with the most uniform kindness, and though a favorite
+      among the people of the village rather on account of the sympathy which
+      they felt in his situation than from any merit of his own, such was the
+      waywardness of his temper, that on a slight provocation he ran away from
+      the home that sheltered him, expressing openly his determination to die
+      sooner than return to the detested spot. A severe illness overtook him
+      after he had been absent about four months. While ill, he felt how
+      unsoothing were the kindest looks and tones of strangers. He rose from his
+      sick-bed a better man, and determined upon a speedy self-atonement by
+      returning to his native town. There he lived, solitary and sad, but
+      forgiven and cherished by his friends, till the day he died. That part of
+      the journal which contained a description of this journey is mostly
+      destroyed. Here and there is a fragment. I cannot select, for the pages
+      are very scanty; but I do not withhold the following fragments, because
+      they indicate a better and more cheerful frame of mind than the foregoing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;On reaching the ferry-house, a rude structure of boards at the foot of
+      the cliff, I found several of those wretches devoid of poetry, and lost
+      some of my own poetry by contact with them. The hut was crowded by a party
+      of provincials,&mdash;a simple and merry set, who had spent the afternoon
+      fishing near the Falls, and were bartering black and white bass and eels
+      for the ferryman&rsquo;s whiskey. A greyhound and three spaniels, brutes of much
+      more grace and decorous demeanor than their masters, sat at the door. A
+      few yards off, yet wholly unnoticed by the dogs, was a beautiful fox,
+      whose countenance betokened all the sagacity attributed to him in ancient
+      fable. He had a comfortable bed of straw in an old barrel, whither he
+      retreated, flourishing his bushy tail as I made a step towards him, but
+      soon came forth and surveyed me with a keen and intelligent eye. The
+      Canadians bartered their fish and drank their whiskey, and were loquacious
+      on trifling subjects, and merry at simple jests, with as little regard to
+      the scenery as they could have to the flattest part of the Grand Canal.
+      Nor was I entitled to despise them; for I amused myself with all those
+      foolish matters of fishermen, and dogs, and fox, just as if Sublimity and
+      Beauty were not married at that place and moment; as if their nuptial band
+      were not the brightest of all rainbows on the opposite shore; as if the
+      gray precipice were not frowning above my head and Niagara thundering
+      around me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The grim ferryman, a black-whiskered giant, half drunk withal, now thrust
+      the Canadians by main force out of his door, launched a boat, and bade me
+      sit in the stern-sheets. Where we crossed the river was white with foam,
+      yet did not offer much resistance to a straight passage, which brought us
+      close to the outer edge of the American falls. The rainbow vanished as we
+      neared its misty base, and when I leaped ashore, the sun had left all
+      Niagara in shadow.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A sound of merriment, sweet voices and girlish laughter, came dancing
+      through the solemn roar of waters. In old times, when the French, and
+      afterwards the English, held garrisons near Niagara, it used to be deemed
+      a feat worthy of a soldier, a frontier man, or an Indian, to cross the
+      rapids to Goat Island. As the country became less rude and warlike, a long
+      space intervened, in which it was but half believed, by a faint and
+      doubtful tradition, that mortal foot bad never trod this wild spot of
+      precipice and forest clinging between two cataracts. The island is no
+      longer a tangled forest, but a grove of stately trees, with grassy
+      intervals about their roots and woodland paths among their trunks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There was neither soldier nor Indian here now, but a vision of three
+      lovely girls, running brief races through the broken sunshine of the
+      grove, hiding behind the trees, and pelting each other with the cones of
+      the pine. When their sport had brought them near me, it so happened that
+      one of the party ran up and shook me by the band,&mdash;a greeting which I
+      heartily returned, and would have done the same had it been tenderer. I
+      had known this wild little black-eyed lass in my youth and her childhood,
+      before I had commenced my rambles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We met on terms of freedom and kindness, which elder ladies might have
+      thought unsuitable with a gentleman of my description. When I alluded to
+      the two fair strangers, she shouted after them by their Christian names,
+      at which summons, with grave dignity, they drew near, and honored me with
+      a distant courtesy. They were from the upper part of Vermont. Whether
+      sisters, or cousins, or at all related to each other, I cannot tell; but
+      they are planted in my memory like &lsquo;two twin roses on one stem,&rsquo; with the
+      fresh dew in both their bosoms; and when I would have pure and pleasant
+      thoughts, I think of them. Neither of them could have seen seventeen
+      years. They both were of a height, and that a moderate one. The rose-bloom
+      of their cheeks could hardly be called bright in her who was the rosiest,
+      nor faint, though a shade less deep, in her companion. Both had delicate
+      eyebrows, not strongly defined, yet somewhat darker than their hair; both
+      had small sweet mouths, maiden mouths, of not so warns and deep a tint as
+      ruby, but only red as the reddest rose; each had those gems, the rarest,
+      the most precious, a pair of clear, soft bright blue eyes. Their style of
+      dress was similar; one had on a black silk gown, with a stomacher of
+      velvet, and scalloped cuffs of the same from the wrist to the elbow; the
+      other wore cuffs and stomacher of the like pattern and material, over a
+      gown of crimson silk. The dress was rather heavy for their slight figures,
+      but suited to September. They and the darker beauty all carried their
+      straw bonnets in their hands.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I cannot better conclude these fragments than with poor Oberon&rsquo;s
+      description of his return to his native village after his slow recovery
+      from his illness. How beautifully does he express his penitential
+      emotions! A beautiful moral may be indeed drawn from the early death of a
+      sensitive recluse, who had shunned the ordinary avenues of distinction,
+      and with splendid abilities sank to rest into an early grave, almost
+      unknown to mankind, and without any record save what my pen hastily leaves
+      upon these tear-blotted pages.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      II.
+    </h3>
+    <h3>
+      MY HOME RETURN.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      When the stage-coach had gained the summit of the hill, I alighted to
+      perform the small remainder of my journey on foot. There had not been a
+      more delicious afternoon than this in all the train of summer, the air
+      being a sunny perfume, made up of balm and warmth, and gentle brightness.
+      The oak and walnut trees over my head retained their deep masses of
+      foliage, and the grass, though for months the pasturage of stray cattle,
+      had been revived with the freshness of early June by the autumnal rains of
+      the preceding week. The garb of autumn, indeed, resembled that of spring.
+      Dandelions and butterflies were sprinkled along the roadside like drops of
+      brightest gold in greenest grass, and a star-shaped little flower of blue,
+      with a golden centre. In a rocky spot, and rooted under the stone walk,
+      there was one wild rose-bush bearing three roses very faintly tinted, but
+      blessed with a spicy fragrance. The same tokens would have announced that
+      the year was brightening into the glow of summer. There were violets too,
+      though few and pale ones. But the breath of September was diffused through
+      the mild air, and became perceptible, too thrillingly for my enfeebled
+      frame, whenever a little breeze shook out the latent coolness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I was standing on the hill at the entrance of my native village, whence I
+      had looked back to bid farewell, and forward to the pale mist-bow that
+      overarched my path, and was the omen of my fortunes. How I had
+      misinterpreted that augury, the ghost of hope, with none of hope&rsquo;s bright
+      hues! Nor could I deem that all its portents were yet accomplished, though
+      from the same western sky the declining sun shone brightly in my face. But
+      I was calm and not depressed. Turning to the village, so dim and
+      dream-like at my last view, I saw the white houses and brick stores, the
+      intermingled trees, the footpaths with their wide borders of grass, and
+      the dusty road between; all a picture of peaceful gladness in the
+      sunshine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Why have I never loved my home before?&rsquo; thought I, as my spirit reposed
+      itself on the quiet beauty of the scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;On the side of the opposite hill was the graveyard, sloping towards the
+      farther extremity of the village. The sun shone as cheerfully there as on
+      the abodes of the living, and showed all the little hillocks and the
+      burial-stones, white marble or slate, and here and there a tomb, with the
+      pleasant grass about them all. A single tree was tinged with glory from
+      the west, and threw a pensive shade behind. Not far from where it fell was
+      the tomb of my parents, whom I had hardly thought of in bidding adieu to
+      the village, but had remembered them more faithfully among the feelings
+      that drew me homeward. At my departure their tomb had been hidden in the
+      morning mist. Beholding it in the sunshine now, I felt a sensation through
+      my frame as if a breeze had thrown the coolness of September over me,
+      though not a leaf was stirred, nor did the thistle-down take flight. Was I
+      to roam no more through this beautiful world, but only to the other end of
+      the village? Then let me lie down near my parents, but not with them,
+      because I love a green grave better than a tomb.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Moving slowly forward, I heard shouts and laughter, and perceived a
+      considerable throng of people, who came from behind the meeting-house and
+      made a stand in front of it. Thither all the idlers in the village were
+      congregated to witness the exercises of the engine company, this being the
+      afternoon of their monthly practice. They deluged the roof of the
+      meeting-house, till the water fell from the eaves in a broad cascade; then
+      the stream beat against the dusty windows like a thunder-storm; and
+      sometimes they flung it up beside the steeple, sparkling in an ascending
+      shower about the weathercock. For variety&rsquo;s sake the engineer made it
+      undulate horizontally, like a great serpent flying over the earth. As his
+      last effort, being roguishly inclined, he seemed to take aim at the sky,
+      falling short rather of which, down came the fluid, transformed to drops
+      of silver, on the thickest crowd of the spectators. Then ensued a
+      prodigious rout and mirthful uproar, with no little wrath of the surly
+      ones, whom this is an infallible method of distinguishing. The joke
+      afforded infinite amusement to the ladies at the windows and some old
+      people under the hay-scales. I also laughed at a distance, and was glad to
+      find myself susceptible, as of old, to the simple mirth of such a scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But the thoughts that it excited were not all mirthful. I had witnessed
+      hundreds of such spectacles in my youth, and one precisely similar only a
+      few days before my departure. And now, the aspect of the village being the
+      same, and the crowd composed of my old acquaintances, I could hardly
+      realize that years had passed, or even months, or that the very drops of
+      water were not falling at this moment, which had been flung up then. But I
+      pressed the conviction home, that, brief as the time appeared, it had been
+      long enough for me to wander away and return again, with my fate
+      accomplished, and little more hope in this world. The last throb of an
+      adventurous and wayward spirit kept me from repining. I felt as if it were
+      better, or not worse, to have compressed my enjoyments and sufferings into
+      a few wild years, and then to rest myself in an early grave, than to have
+      chosen the untroubled and ungladdened course of the crowd before me, whose
+      days were all alike, and a long lifetime like each day. But the sentiment
+      startled me. For a moment I doubted whether my dear-bought wisdom were
+      anything but the incapacity to pursue fresh follies, and whether, if
+      health and strength could be restored that night, I should be found in the
+      village after to-morrow&rsquo;s dawn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Among other novelties, I had noticed that the tavern was now designated
+      as a Temperance House, in letters extending across the whole front, with a
+      smaller sign promising Hot Coffee at all hours, and Spruce Beer to lodgers
+      gratis. There were few new buildings, except a Methodist chapel and a
+      printing-office, with a bookstore in the lower story. The golden mortar
+      still ornamented the apothecary&rsquo;s door, nor had the Indian Chief, with his
+      gilded tobacco stalk, been relieved from doing sentinel&rsquo;s duty before
+      Dominicus Pike&rsquo;s grocery. The gorgeous silks, though of later patterns,
+      were still flaunting like a banner in front of Mr. Nightingale&rsquo;s dry-goods
+      store. Some of the signs introduced me to strangers, whose predecessors
+      had failed, or emigrated to the West, or removed merely to the other end
+      of the village, transferring their names from the sign-boards to slabs of
+      marble or slate. But, on the whole, death and vicissitude had done very
+      little. There were old men, scattered about the street, who had been old
+      in my earliest reminiscences; and, as if their venerable forms were
+      permanent parts of the creation, they appeared to be hale and hearty old
+      men yet. The less elderly were more altered, having generally contracted a
+      stoop, with hair wofully thinned and whitened. Some I could hardly
+      recognize; at my last glance they had been boys and girls, but were young
+      men and women when I looked again; and there were happy little things too,
+      rolling about on the grass, whom God had made since my departure.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But now, in my lingering course I had descended the bill, and began to
+      consider, painfully enough, how I should meet my townspeople, and what
+      reception they would give me. Of many an evil prophecy, doubtless, had I
+      been the subject. And would they salute me with a roar of triumph or a low
+      hiss of scorn, on beholding their worst anticipations more than
+      accomplished?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;No,&rsquo; said I, &lsquo;they will not triumph over me. And should they ask the
+      cause of my return, I will tell f hem that a man may go far and tarry long
+      away, if his health be good and his hopes high; but that when flesh and
+      spirit begin to fail, he remembers his birthplace and the old
+      burial-ground, and hears a voice calling him to cone home to his father
+      and mother. They will know, by my wasted frame and feeble step, that I
+      have heard the summons and obeyed. And, the first greetings over, they
+      will let me walk among them unnoticed, and linger in the sunshine while I
+      may, and steal into my grave in peace.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;With these reflections I looked kindly at the crowd, and drew off my
+      glove, ready to give my hand to the first that should put forth his. It
+      occurred to me, also, that some youth among them, now at the crisis of his
+      fate, might have felt his bosom thrill at my example, and be emulous of my
+      wild life and worthless fame. But I would save him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;He shall be taught,&rsquo; said I, &lsquo;by my life, and by my death, that the
+      world is a sad one for him who shrinks from its sober duties. My
+      experience shall warn him to adopt some great and serious aim, such as
+      manhood will cling to, that he may not feel himself, too late, a cumberer
+      of this overladen earth, but a man among men. I will beseech him not to
+      follow an eccentric path, nor, by stepping aside from the highway of human
+      affairs, to relinquish his claim upon human sympathy. And often, as a text
+      of deep and varied meaning, I will remind him that he is an American.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By this time I had drawn near the meeting-house, and perceived that the
+      crowd were beginning to recognize me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These are the last words traced by his hand. Has not so chastened a spirit
+      found true communion with the pure in Heaven? &ldquo;Until of late, I never
+      could believe that I was seriously ill: the past, I thought, could not
+      extend its misery beyond itself; life was restored to me, and should not
+      be missed again. I had day-dreams even of wedded happiness. Still, as the
+      days wear on, a faintness creeps through my frame and spirit, recalling
+      the consciousness that a very old man might as well nourish hope and young
+      desire as I at twenty-four. Yet the consciousness of my situation does not
+      always make me sad. Sometimes I look upon the world with a quiet interest,
+      because it cannot, concern me personally, and a loving one for the same
+      reason, because nothing selfish can interfere with the sense of
+      brotherhood. Soon to be all spirit, I have already a spiritual sense of
+      human nature, and see deeply into the hearts of mankind, discovering what
+      is hidden from the wisest. The loves of young men and virgins are known to
+      me, before the first kiss, before the whispered word, with the birth of
+      the first sigh. My glance comprehends the crowd, and penetrates the breast
+      of the solitary man. I think better of the world than formerly, more
+      generously of its virtues, more mercifully of its faults, with a higher
+      estimate of its present happiness, and brighter hopes of its destiny. My
+      mind has put forth a second crop of blossoms, as the trees do in the
+      Indian summer. No winter will destroy their beauty, for they are fanned by
+      the breeze and freshened by the shower that breathes and falls in the
+      gardens of Paradise!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
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+Solitary Man, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
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+</pre>
+  </body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man, by
+Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments from The Journal of a Solitary Man
+
+Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+Posting Date: December 23, 2010 [EBook #9247]
+Release Date: November, 2005
+First Posted: September 25, 2003
+Last Updated: February 8, 2007
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger.  HTML version by Al Haines.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                 THE DOLIVER ROMANCE AND OTHER PIECES
+
+                         TALES AND SKETCHES
+
+                       By Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+
+             FRAGMENTS FROM THE JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+My poor friend "Oberon"--[See the sketch or story entitled "The Devil in
+Manuscript," in "The Snow-Image, and other Twice-Told Tales."]--for let
+me be allowed to distinguish him by so quaint a name--sleeps with the
+silent ages.  He died calmly. Though his disease was pulmonary, his life
+did not flicker out like a wasted lamp, sometimes shooting up into a
+strange temporary brightness; but the tide of being ebbed away, and the
+noon of his existence waned till, in the simple phraseology of
+Scripture, "he was not."  The last words he said to me were, "Burn my
+papers,--all that you can find in yonder escritoire; for I fear there
+are some there which you may be betrayed into publishing.  I have
+published enough; as for the old disconnected journal in your
+possession--"  But here my poor friend was checked in his utterance by
+that same hollow cough which would never let him alone.  So he coughed
+himself tired, and sank to slumber.  I watched from that midnight hour
+till high noon on the morrow for his waking.  The chamber was dark;
+till, longing for light, I opened the window-shutter, and the broad day
+looked in on the marble features of the dead.
+
+I religiously obeyed his instructions with regard to the papers in the
+escritoire, and burned them in a heap without looking into one, though
+sorely tempted.  But the old journal I kept.  Perhaps in strict
+conscience I ought also to have burned that; but casting my eye over
+some half-torn leaves the other day, I could not resist an impulse to
+give some fragments of it to the public.  To do this satisfactorily,
+I am obliged to twist this thread, so as to string together into a
+semblance of order my Oberon's "random pearls."
+
+If anybody that holds any commerce with his fellowmen can be called
+solitary, Oberon was a "solitary man."  He lived in a small village at
+some distance from the metropolis, and never came up to the city except
+once in three months for the purpose of looking into a bookstore, and of
+spending two hours and a half with me.  In that space of time I would
+tell him all that I could remember of interest which had occurred in the
+interim of his visits.  He would join very heartily in the conversation;
+but as soon as the time of his usual tarrying had elapsed, he would take
+up his hat and depart.  He was unequivocally the most original person I
+ever knew.  His style of composition was very charming.  No tales that
+have ever appeared in our popular journals have been so generally
+admired as his.  But a sadness was on his spirit; and this, added to the
+shrinking sensitiveness of his nature, rendered him not misanthropic,
+but singularly averse to social intercourse.  Of the disease, which was
+slowly sapping the springs of his life, he first became fully conscious
+after one of those long abstractions in which he was wont to indulge.
+It is remarkable, however, that his first idea of this sort, instead of
+deepening his spirit with a more melancholy hue, restored him to a more
+natural state of mind.
+
+He had evidently cherished a secret hope that some impulse would at
+length be given him, or that he would muster sufficient energy of will
+to return into the world, and act a wiser and happier part than his
+former one.  But life never called the dreamer forth; it was Death that
+whispered him.  It is to be regretted that this portion of his old
+journal contains so few passages relative to this interesting period;
+since the little which he has recorded, though melancholy enough,
+breathes the gentleness of a spirit newly restored to communion with its
+kind.  If there be anything bitter in the following reflections, its
+source is in human sympathy, and its sole object is himself.
+
+"It is hard to die without one's happiness; to none more so than myself,
+whose early resolution it had been to partake largely of the joys of
+life, but never to be burdened with its cares.  Vain philosophy!  The
+very hardships of the poorest laborer, whose whole existence seems one
+long toil, has something preferable to my best pleasures.
+
+"Merely skimming the surface of life, I know nothing, by my own
+experience, of its deep and warm realities.  I have achieved none of
+those objects which the instinct of mankind especially prompts them to
+pursue, and the accomplishment of which must therefore beget a native
+satisfaction.  The truly wise, after all their speculations, will be led
+into the common path, and, in homage to the human nature that pervades
+them, will gather gold, and till the earth, and set out trees, and build
+a house.  But I have scorned such wisdom.  I have rejected, also, the
+settled, sober, careful gladness of a man by his own fireside, with
+those around him whose welfare is committed to his trust and all their
+guidance to his fond authority.  Without influence among serious
+affairs, my footsteps were not imprinted on the earth, but lost in air;
+and I shall leave no son to inherit my share of life, with a better
+sense of its privileges and duties, when his father should vanish like a
+bubble; so that few mortals, even the humblest and the weakest, have
+been such ineffectual shadows in the world, or die so utterly as I must.
+Even a young man's bliss has not been mine.  With a thousand vagrant
+fantasies, I have never truly loved, and perhaps shall be doomed to
+loneliness throughout the eternal future, because, here on earth, my
+soul has never married itself to the soul of woman.
+
+"Such are the repinings of one who feels, too late, that the sympathies
+of his nature have avenged themselves upon him.  They have prostrated,
+with a joyless life and the prospect of a reluctant death, my selfish
+purpose to keep aloof from mortal disquietudes, and be a pleasant idler
+among care-stricken and laborious men.  I have other regrets, too,
+savoring more of my old spirit.  The time has been when I meant to visit
+every region of the earth, except the poles and Central Africa.  I had a
+strange longing to see the Pyramids.  To Persia and Arabia, and all the
+gorgeous East, I owed a pilgrimage for the sake of their magic tales.
+And England, the land of my ancestors!  Once I had fancied that my sleep
+would not be quiet in the grave unless I should return, as it were, to
+my home of past ages, and see the very cities, and castles, and
+battle-fields of history, and stand within the holy gloom of its
+cathedrals, and kneel at the shrines of its immortal poets, there
+asserting myself their hereditary countryman.  This feeling lay among the
+deepest in my heart.  Yet, with this homesickness for the father-land, and
+all these plans of remote travel,--which I yet believe that my peculiar
+instinct impelled me to form, and upbraided me for not accomplishing,--the
+utmost limit of my wanderings has been little more than six hundred miles
+from my native village.  Thus, in whatever way I consider my life, or what
+must be termed such, I cannot feel as if I had lived at all.
+
+"I am possessed, also, with the thought that I have never yet discovered
+the real secret of my powers; that there has been a mighty treasure
+within my reach, a mine of gold beneath my feet, worthless because I
+have never known how to seek for it; and for want of perhaps one
+fortunate idea, I am to die
+
+          'Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.'
+
+"Once, amid the troubled and tumultuous enjoyment of my life, there was
+a dreamy thought that haunted me, the terrible necessity imposed on
+mortals to grow old, or die.  I could not bear the idea of losing one
+youthful grace.  True, I saw other men, who had once been young and now
+were old, enduring their age with equanimity, because each year
+reconciled them to its own added weight.  But for myself, I felt that
+age would be not less miserable, creeping upon me slowly, than if it
+fell at once.  I sometimes looked in the glass, and endeavored to fancy
+my cheeks yellow and interlaced with furrows, my forehead wrinkled
+deeply across, the top of my head bald and polished, my eyebrows and
+side-locks iron gray, and a grisly beard sprouting on my chin.
+Shuddering at the picture, I changed it for the dead face of a young
+mail, with dark locks clustering heavily round its pale beauty, which
+would decay, indeed, but not with years, nor in the sight of men.  The
+latter visage shocked me least.
+
+"Such a repugnance to the hard conditions of long life is common to all
+sensitive and thoughtful men, who minister to the luxury, the
+refinements, the gayety and lightsomeness, to anything, in short, but
+the real necessities of their fellow-creatures.  He who has a part in
+the serious business of life, though it be only as a shoemaker, feels
+himself equally respectable in youth and in age, and therefore is
+content to live and look forward to wrinkles and decrepitude in their
+due season.  It is far otherwise with the busy idlers of the world.  I
+was particularly liable to this torment, being a meditative person in
+spite of my levity.  The truth could not be concealed, nor the
+contemplation of it avoided.  With deep inquietude I became aware that
+what was graceful now, and seemed appropriate enough to my age of
+flowers, would be ridiculous in middle life; and that the world, so
+indulgent to the fantastic youth, would scorn the bearded than, still
+telling love-tales, loftily ambitious of a maiden's tears, and squeezing
+out, as it were, with his brawny strength, the essence of roses.  And in
+his old age the sweet lyrics of Anacreon made the girls laugh at his
+white hairs the more.  With such sentiments, conscious that my part in
+the drama of life was fit only for a youthful performer, I nourished a
+regretful desire to be summoned early from the scene.  I set a limit to
+myself, the age of twenty-five, few years indeed, but too many to be
+thrown away.  Scarcely had I thus fixed the term of my mortal
+pilgrimage, than the thought grew into a presentiment that, when the
+space should be completed, the world would have one butterfly the less,
+by my far flight.
+
+"O, how fond I was of life, even while allotting, as my proper destiny,
+an early death!  I loved the world, its cities, its villages, its grassy
+roadsides, its wild forests, its quiet scenes, its gay, warm, enlivening
+bustle; in every aspect, I loved the world so long as I could behold it
+with young eyes and dance through it with a young heart.  The earth had
+been made so beautiful, that I longed for no brighter sphere, but only
+an ever-youthful eternity in this.  I clung to earth as if my beginning
+and ending were to be there, unable to imagine any but an earthly
+happiness, and choosing such, with all its imperfections, rather than
+perfect bliss which might be alien from it.  Alas!  I had not wet known
+that weariness by which the soul proves itself ethereal."
+
+Turning over the old journal, I open, by chance, upon a passage which
+affords a signal instance of the morbid fancies to which Oberon
+frequently yielded himself.  Dreams like the following were probably
+engendered by the deep gloom sometimes thrown over his mind by his
+reflections on death.
+
+"I dreamed that one bright forenoon I was walking through Broadway, and
+seeking to cheer myself with the warm and busy life of that far-famed
+promenade.  Here a coach thundered over the pavement, and there an
+unwieldy omnibus, with spruce gigs rattling past, and horsemen prancing
+through all the bustle.  On the sidewalk people were looking at the rich
+display of goods, the plate and jewelry, or the latest caricature ill
+the bookseller's windows; while fair ladies and whiskered gentlemen
+tripped gayly along, nodding mutual recognitions, or shrinking from some
+rough countryman or sturdy laborer whose contact might have ruffled
+their finery.  I found myself in this animated scene, with a dim and
+misty idea that it was not my proper place, or that I had ventured into
+the crowd with some singularity of dress or aspect which made me
+ridiculous.  Walking in the sunshine, I was yet cold as death.  By
+degrees, too, I perceived myself the object of universal attention, and,
+as it seemed, of horror and affright.  Every face grew pale; the laugh
+was hushed, and the voices died away in broken syllables; the people in
+the shops crowded to the doors with a ghastly stare, and the passengers
+oil all sides fled as from an embodied pestilence.  The horses reared
+and snorted.  An old beggar-woman sat before St. Paul's Church, with her
+withered palm stretched out to all, but drew it back from me, and
+pointed to the graves and monuments in that populous churchyard.  Three
+lovely girls whom I had formerly known, ran shrieking across the street.
+A personage in black, whom I was about to overtake, suddenly turned his
+head and showed the features of a long-lost friend.  He gave me a look
+of horror and was gone.
+
+"I passed not one step farther, but threw my eyes on a looking-glass
+which stood deep within the nearest shop.  At first glimpse of my own
+figure I awoke, with a horrible sensation of self-terror and
+self-loathing.  No wonder that the affrighted city fled!  I had been
+promenading Broadway in my shroud!"
+
+I should be doing injustice to my friend's memory, were I to publish
+other extracts even nearer to insanity than this, front the scarcely
+legible papers before me.  I gather from them--for I do not remember
+that he ever related to me the circumstances--that he once made a
+journey, chiefly on foot, to Niagara.  Some conduct of the friends among
+whom he resided in his native village was constructed by him into
+oppression.  These were the friends to whose care he had been committed
+by his parents, who died when Oberon was about twelve years of age.
+Though he had always been treated by them with the most uniform
+kindness, and though a favorite among the people of the village rather
+on account of the sympathy which they felt in his situation than from
+any merit of his own, such was the waywardness of his temper, that on
+a slight provocation he ran away from the home that sheltered him,
+expressing openly his determination to die sooner than return to the
+detested spot.  A severe illness overtook him after he had been absent
+about four months.  While ill, he felt how unsoothing were the kindest
+looks and tones of strangers.  He rose from his sick-bed a better man,
+and determined upon a speedy self-atonement by returning to his native
+town.  There he lived, solitary and sad, but forgiven and cherished by
+his friends, till the day he died.  That part of the journal which
+contained a description of this journey is mostly destroyed.  Here and
+there is a fragment.  I cannot select, for the pages are very scanty;
+but I do not withhold the following fragments, because they indicate a
+better and more cheerful frame of mind than the foregoing.
+
+"On reaching the ferry-house, a rude structure of boards at the foot of
+the cliff, I found several of those wretches devoid of poetry, and lost
+some of my own poetry by contact with them.  The hut was crowded by a
+party of provincials,--a simple and merry set, who had spent the
+afternoon fishing near the Falls, and were bartering black and white
+bass and eels for the ferryman's whiskey.  A greyhound and three
+spaniels, brutes of much more grace and decorous demeanor than their
+masters, sat at the door.  A few yards off, yet wholly unnoticed by the
+dogs, was a beautiful fox, whose countenance betokened all the sagacity
+attributed to him in ancient fable.  He had a comfortable bed of straw
+in an old barrel, whither he retreated, flourishing his bushy tail as I
+made a step towards him, but soon came forth and surveyed me with a keen
+and intelligent eye.  The Canadians bartered their fish and drank their
+whiskey, and were loquacious on trifling subjects, and merry at simple
+jests, with as little regard to the scenery as they could have to the
+flattest part of the Grand Canal.  Nor was I entitled to despise them;
+for I amused myself with all those foolish matters of fishermen, and
+dogs, and fox, just as if Sublimity and Beauty were not married at that
+place and moment; as if their nuptial band were not the brightest of all
+rainbows on the opposite shore; as if the gray precipice were not
+frowning above my head and Niagara thundering around me.
+
+"The grim ferryman, a black-whiskered giant, half drunk withal, now
+thrust the Canadians by main force out of his door, launched a boat, and
+bade me sit in the stern-sheets.  Where we crossed the river was white
+with foam, yet did not offer much resistance to a straight passage,
+which brought us close to the outer edge of the American falls.  The
+rainbow vanished as we neared its misty base, and when I leaped ashore,
+the sun had left all Niagara in shadow."
+
+"A sound of merriment, sweet voices and girlish laughter, came dancing
+through the solemn roar of waters.  In old times, when the French, and
+afterwards the English, held garrisons near Niagara, it used to be
+deemed a feat worthy of a soldier, a frontier man, or an Indian, to
+cross the rapids to Goat Island.  As the country became less rude and
+warlike, a long space intervened, in which it was but half believed, by
+a faint and doubtful tradition, that mortal foot bad never trod this
+wild spot of precipice and forest clinging between two cataracts.  The
+island is no longer a tangled forest, but a grove of stately trees, with
+grassy intervals about their roots and woodland paths among their
+trunks.
+
+"There was neither soldier nor Indian here now, but a vision of three
+lovely girls, running brief races through the broken sunshine of the
+grove, hiding behind the trees, and pelting each other with the cones of
+the pine.  When their sport had brought them near me, it so happened
+that one of the party ran up and shook me by the band,--a greeting which
+I heartily returned, and would have done the same had it been tenderer.
+I had known this wild little black-eyed lass in my youth and her
+childhood, before I had commenced my rambles.
+
+"We met on terms of freedom and kindness, which elder ladies might have
+thought unsuitable with a gentleman of my description.  When I alluded
+to the two fair strangers, she shouted after them by their Christian
+names, at which summons, with grave dignity, they drew near, and honored
+me with a distant courtesy.  They were from the upper part of Vermont.
+Whether sisters, or cousins, or at all related to each other, I cannot
+tell; but they are planted in my memory like 'two twin roses on one
+stem,' with the fresh dew in both their bosoms; and when I would have
+pure and pleasant thoughts, I think of them.  Neither of them could have
+seen seventeen years.  They both were of a height, and that a moderate
+one.  The rose-bloom of their cheeks could hardly be called bright in
+her who was the rosiest, nor faint, though a shade less deep, in her
+companion.  Both had delicate eyebrows, not strongly defined, yet
+somewhat darker than their hair; both had small sweet mouths, maiden
+mouths, of not so warns and deep a tint as ruby, but only red as the
+reddest rose; each had those gems, the rarest, the most precious, a pair
+of clear, soft bright blue eyes.  Their style of dress was similar; one
+had on a black silk gown, with a stomacher of velvet, and scalloped
+cuffs of the same from the wrist to the elbow; the other wore cuffs and
+stomacher of the like pattern and material, over a gown of crimson silk.
+The dress was rather heavy for their slight figures, but suited to
+September.  They and the darker beauty all carried their straw bonnets
+in their hands."
+
+I cannot better conclude these fragments than with poor Oberon's
+description of his return to his native village after his slow recovery
+from his illness.  How beautifully does he express his penitential
+emotions!  A beautiful moral may be indeed drawn from the early death of
+a sensitive recluse, who had shunned the ordinary avenues of
+distinction, and with splendid abilities sank to rest into an early
+grave, almost unknown to mankind, and without any record save what my
+pen hastily leaves upon these tear-blotted pages.
+
+
+
+II.
+
+MY HOME RETURN.
+
+When the stage-coach had gained the summit of the hill, I alighted to
+perform the small remainder of my journey on foot.  There had not been
+a more delicious afternoon than this in all the train of summer, the air
+being a sunny perfume, made up of balm and warmth, and gentle
+brightness.  The oak and walnut trees over my head retained their deep
+masses of foliage, and the grass, though for months the pasturage of
+stray cattle, had been revived with the freshness of early June by the
+autumnal rains of the preceding week.  The garb of autumn, indeed,
+resembled that of spring.  Dandelions and butterflies were sprinkled
+along the roadside like drops of brightest gold in greenest grass, and a
+star-shaped little flower of blue, with a golden centre.  In a rocky
+spot, and rooted under the stone walk, there was one wild rose-bush
+bearing three roses very faintly tinted, but blessed with a spicy
+fragrance.  The same tokens would have announced that the year was
+brightening into the glow of summer.  There were violets too, though few
+and pale ones.  But the breath of September was diffused through the
+mild air, and became perceptible, too thrillingly for my enfeebled
+frame, whenever a little breeze shook out the latent coolness.
+
+"I was standing on the hill at the entrance of my native village, whence
+I had looked back to bid farewell, and forward to the pale mist-bow that
+overarched my path, and was the omen of my fortunes.  How I had
+misinterpreted that augury, the ghost of hope, with none of hope's
+bright hues!  Nor could I deem that all its portents were yet
+accomplished, though from the same western sky the declining sun shone
+brightly in my face.  But I was calm and not depressed.  Turning to the
+village, so dim and dream-like at my last view, I saw the white houses
+and brick stores, the intermingled trees, the footpaths with their wide
+borders of grass, and the dusty road between; all a picture of peaceful
+gladness in the sunshine.
+
+"'Why have I never loved my home before?' thought I, as my spirit
+reposed itself on the quiet beauty of the scene.
+
+"On the side of the opposite hill was the graveyard, sloping towards the
+farther extremity of the village.  The sun shone as cheerfully there as
+on the abodes of the living, and showed all the little hillocks and the
+burial-stones, white marble or slate, and here and there a tomb, with
+the pleasant grass about them all.  A single tree was tinged with glory
+from the west, and threw a pensive shade behind.  Not far from where it
+fell was the tomb of my parents, whom I had hardly thought of in bidding
+adieu to the village, but had remembered them more faithfully among the
+feelings that drew me homeward.  At my departure their tomb had been
+hidden in the morning mist.  Beholding it in the sunshine now, I felt a
+sensation through my frame as if a breeze had thrown the coolness of
+September over me, though not a leaf was stirred, nor did the thistle-down
+take flight.  Was I to roam no more through this beautiful world,
+but only to the other end of the village?  Then let me lie down near my
+parents, but not with them, because I love a green grave better than a
+tomb.
+
+"Moving slowly forward, I heard shouts and laughter, and perceived a
+considerable throng of people, who came from behind the meeting-house
+and made a stand in front of it.  Thither all the idlers in the village
+were congregated to witness the exercises of the engine company, this
+being the afternoon of their monthly practice.  They deluged the roof of
+the meeting-house, till the water fell from the eaves in a broad
+cascade; then the stream beat against the dusty windows like a
+thunder-storm;  and sometimes they flung it up beside the steeple,
+sparkling in an ascending shower about the weathercock.  For variety's
+sake the engineer made it undulate horizontally, like a great serpent
+flying over the earth.  As his last effort, being roguishly inclined, he
+seemed to take aim at the sky, falling short rather of which, down came
+the fluid, transformed to drops of silver, on the thickest crowd of the
+spectators.  Then ensued a prodigious rout and mirthful uproar, with no
+little wrath of the surly ones, whom this is an infallible method of
+distinguishing. The joke afforded infinite amusement to the ladies at the
+windows and some old people under the hay-scales.  I also laughed at a
+distance, and was glad to find myself susceptible, as of old, to the
+simple mirth of such a scene.
+
+"But the thoughts that it excited were not all mirthful.  I had
+witnessed hundreds of such spectacles in my youth, and one precisely
+similar only a few days before my departure.  And now, the aspect of the
+village being the same, and the crowd composed of my old acquaintances,
+I could hardly realize that years had passed, or even months, or that
+the very drops of water were not falling at this moment, which had been
+flung up then.  But I pressed the conviction home, that, brief as the
+time appeared, it had been long enough for me to wander away and return
+again, with my fate accomplished, and little more hope in this world.
+The last throb of an adventurous and wayward spirit kept me from
+repining.  I felt as if it were better, or not worse, to have compressed
+my enjoyments and sufferings into a few wild years, and then to rest
+myself in an early grave, than to have chosen the untroubled and
+ungladdened course of the crowd before me, whose days were all alike,
+and a long lifetime like each day.  But the sentiment startled me.  For
+a moment I doubted whether my dear-bought wisdom were anything but the
+incapacity to pursue fresh follies, and whether, if health and strength
+could be restored that night, I should be found in the village after
+to-morrow's dawn.
+
+"Among other novelties, I had noticed that the tavern was now designated
+as a Temperance House, in letters extending across the whole front, with
+a smaller sign promising Hot Coffee at all hours, and Spruce Beer to
+lodgers gratis.  There were few new buildings, except a Methodist chapel
+and a printing-office, with a bookstore in the lower story.  The golden
+mortar still ornamented the apothecary's door, nor had the Indian Chief,
+with his gilded tobacco stalk, been relieved from doing sentinel's duty
+before Dominicus Pike's grocery.  The gorgeous silks, though of later
+patterns, were still flaunting like a banner in front of Mr.
+Nightingale's dry-goods store.  Some of the signs introduced me to
+strangers, whose predecessors had failed, or emigrated to the West, or
+removed merely to the other end of the village, transferring their names
+from the sign-boards to slabs of marble or slate.  But, on the whole,
+death and vicissitude had done very little.  There were old men,
+scattered about the street, who had been old in my earliest
+reminiscences; and, as if their venerable forms were permanent parts of
+the creation, they appeared to be hale and hearty old men yet.  The less
+elderly were more altered, having generally contracted a stoop, with
+hair wofully thinned and whitened.  Some I could hardly recognize; at my
+last glance they had been boys and girls, but were young men and women
+when I looked again; and there were happy little things too, rolling
+about on the grass, whom God had made since my departure.
+
+"But now, in my lingering course I had descended the bill, and began to
+consider, painfully enough, how I should meet my townspeople, and what
+reception they would give me.  Of many an evil prophecy, doubtless, had
+I been the subject.  And would they salute me with a roar of triumph or
+a low hiss of scorn, on beholding their worst anticipations more than
+accomplished?
+
+"'No,' said I, 'they will not triumph over me.  And should they ask the
+cause of my return, I will tell f hem that a man may go far and tarry
+long away, if his health be good and his hopes high; but that when flesh
+and spirit begin to fail, he remembers his birthplace and the old
+burial-ground, and hears a voice calling him to cone home to his father
+and mother.  They will know, by my wasted frame and feeble step, that I
+have heard the summons and obeyed.  And, the first greetings over, they
+will let me walk among them unnoticed, and linger in the sunshine while
+I may, and steal into my grave in peace.'
+
+"With these reflections I looked kindly at the crowd, and drew off my
+glove, ready to give my hand to the first that should put forth his.  It
+occurred to me, also, that some youth among them, now at the crisis of
+his fate, might have felt his bosom thrill at my example, and be emulous
+of my wild life and worthless fame.  But I would save him.
+
+"'He shall be taught,' said I, 'by my life, and by my death, that the
+world is a sad one for him who shrinks from its sober duties.  My
+experience shall warn him to adopt some great and serious aim, such as
+manhood will cling to, that he may not feel himself, too late, a
+cumberer of this overladen earth, but a man among men.  I will beseech
+him not to follow an eccentric path, nor, by stepping aside from the
+highway of human affairs, to relinquish his claim upon human sympathy.
+And often, as a text of deep and varied meaning, I will remind him that
+he is an American.'
+
+"By this time I had drawn near the meeting-house, and perceived that the
+crowd were beginning to recognize me."
+
+
+These are the last words traced by his hand.  Has not so chastened a
+spirit found true communion with the pure in Heaven?  "Until of late, I
+never could believe that I was seriously ill: the past, I thought, could
+not extend its misery beyond itself; life was restored to me, and should
+not be missed again.  I had day-dreams even of wedded happiness.  Still,
+as the days wear on, a faintness creeps through my frame and spirit,
+recalling the consciousness that a very old man might as well nourish
+hope and young desire as I at twenty-four.  Yet the consciousness of my
+situation does not always make me sad.  Sometimes I look upon the world
+with a quiet interest, because it cannot, concern me personally, and a
+loving one for the same reason, because nothing selfish can interfere
+with the sense of brotherhood.  Soon to be all spirit, I have already a
+spiritual sense of human nature, and see deeply into the hearts of
+mankind, discovering what is hidden from the wisest.  The loves of young
+men and virgins are known to me, before the first kiss, before the
+whispered word, with the birth of the first sigh.  My glance comprehends
+the crowd, and penetrates the breast of the solitary man.  I think
+better of the world than formerly, more generously of its virtues, more
+mercifully of its faults, with a higher estimate of its present
+happiness, and brighter hopes of its destiny.  My mind has put forth a
+second crop of blossoms, as the trees do in the Indian summer.  No
+winter will destroy their beauty, for they are fanned by the breeze and
+freshened by the shower that breathes and falls in the gardens of
+Paradise!"
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments from The Journal of a
+Solitary Man, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
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+Project Gutenberg EBook, Journal of a Solitary Man, by N. Hawthorne
+From "The Doliver Romance and Other Pieces: Tales and Sketches"
+#74 in our series by Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
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+Title: Fragments From The Journal of a Solitary Man
+      (From: "The Doliver Romance and Other Pieces: Tales and Sketches")
+
+Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+Release Date: Nov, 2005  [EBook #9247]
+[This file was first posted on September 25, 2003]
+[Last updated on February 6, 2007]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+
+
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, JOURNAL SOLITARY MAN ***
+
+
+
+
+This eBook was produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+                 THE DOLIVER ROMANCE AND OTHER PIECES
+
+                         TALES AND SKETCHES
+
+                       By Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+
+             FRAGMENTS FROM THE JOURNAL OF A SOLITARY MAN
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+My poor friend "Oberon"--[See the sketch or story entitled "The Devil in
+Manuscript," in "The Snow-Image, and other Twice-Told Tales."]--for let
+me be allowed to distinguish him by so quaint a name--sleeps with the
+silent ages.  He died calmly. Though his disease was pulmonary, his life
+did not flicker out like a wasted lamp, sometimes shooting up into a
+strange temporary brightness; but the tide of being ebbed away, and the
+noon of his existence waned till, in the simple phraseology of
+Scripture, "he was not."  The last words he said to me were, "Burn my
+papers,--all that you can find in yonder escritoire; for I fear there
+are some there which you may be betrayed into publishing.  I have
+published enough; as for the old disconnected journal in your
+possession--"  But here my poor friend was checked in his utterance by
+that same hollow cough which would never let him alone.  So he coughed
+himself tired, and sank to slumber.  I watched from that midnight hour
+till high noon on the morrow for his waking.  The chamber was dark;
+till, longing for light, I opened the window-shutter, and the broad day
+looked in on the marble features of the dead.
+
+I religiously obeyed his instructions with regard to the papers in the
+escritoire, and burned them in a heap without looking into one, though
+sorely tempted.  But the old journal I kept.  Perhaps in strict
+conscience I ought also to have burned that; but casting my eye over
+some half-torn leaves the other day, I could not resist an impulse to
+give some fragments of it to the public.  To do this satisfactorily,
+I am obliged to twist this thread, so as to string together into a
+semblance of order my Oberon's "random pearls."
+
+If anybody that holds any commerce with his fellowmen can be called
+solitary, Oberon was a "solitary man."  He lived in a small village at
+some distance from the metropolis, and never came up to the city except
+once in three months for the purpose of looking into a bookstore, and of
+spending two hours and a half with me.  In that space of time I would
+tell him all that I could remember of interest which had occurred in the
+interim of his visits.  He would join very heartily in the conversation;
+but as soon as the time of his usual tarrying had elapsed, he would take
+up his hat and depart.  He was unequivocally the most original person I
+ever knew.  His style of composition was very charming.  No tales that
+have ever appeared in our popular journals have been so generally
+admired as his.  But a sadness was on his spirit; and this, added to the
+shrinking sensitiveness of his nature, rendered him not misanthropic,
+but singularly averse to social intercourse.  Of the disease, which was
+slowly sapping the springs of his life, he first became fully conscious
+after one of those long abstractions in which lie was wont to indulge.
+It is remarkable, however, that his first idea of this sort, instead of
+deepening his spirit with a more melancholy hue, restored him to a more
+natural state of mind.
+
+He had evidently cherished a secret hope that some impulse would at
+length be given him, or that he would muster sufficient energy of will
+to return into the world, and act a wiser and happier part than his
+former one.  But life never called the dreamer forth; it was Death that
+whispered him.  It is to be regretted that this portion of his old
+journal contains so few passages relative to this interesting period;
+since the little which he has recorded, though melancholy enough,
+breathes the gentleness of a spirit newly restored to communion with its
+kind.  If there be anything bitter in the following reflections, its
+source is in human sympathy, and its sole object is himself.
+
+"It is hard to die without one's happiness; to none more so than myself,
+whose early resolution it had been to partake largely of the joys of
+life, but never to be burdened with its cares.  Vain philosophy!  The
+very hardships of the poorest laborer, whose whole existence seems one
+long toil, has something preferable to my best pleasures.
+
+"Merely skimming the surface of life, I know nothing, by my own
+experience, of its deep and warm realities.  I have achieved none of
+those objects which the instinct of mankind especially prompts them to
+pursue, and the accomplishment of which must therefore beget a native
+satisfaction.  The truly wise, after all their speculations, will be led
+into the common path, and, in homage to the human nature that pervades
+them, will gather gold, and till the earth, and set out trees, and build
+a house.  But I have scorned such wisdom.  I have rejected, also, the
+settled, sober, careful gladness of a man by his own fireside, with
+those around him whose welfare is committed to his trust and all their
+guidance to his fond authority.  Without influence among serious
+affairs, my footsteps were not imprinted on the earth, but lost in air;
+and I shall leave no son to inherit my share of life, with a better
+sense of its privileges and duties, when his father should vanish like a
+bubble; so that few mortals, even the humblest and the weakest, have
+been such ineffectual shadows in the world, or die so utterly as I must.
+Even a young man's bliss has not been mine.  With a thousand vagrant
+fantasies, I have never truly loved, and perhaps shall be doomed to
+loneliness throughout the eternal future, because, here on earth, my
+soul has never married itself to the soul of woman.
+
+"Such are the repinings of one who feels, too late, that the sympathies
+of his nature have avenged themselves upon him.  They have prostrated,
+with a joyless life and the prospect of a reluctant death, my selfish
+purpose to keep aloof from mortal disquietudes, and be a pleasant idler
+among care-stricken and laborious men.  I have other regrets, too,
+savoring more of my old spirit.  The time has been when I meant to visit
+every region of the earth, except the poles and Central Africa.  I had a
+strange longing to see the Pyramids.  To Persia and Arabia, and all the
+gorgeous East, I owed a pilgrimage for the sake of their magic tales.
+And England, the land of my ancestors!  Once I had fancied that my sleep
+would not be quiet in the grave unless I should return, as it were, to
+my home of past ages, and see the very cities, and castles, and battle-
+fields of history, and stand within the holy gloom of its cathedrals,
+and kneel at the shrines of its immortal poets, there asserting myself
+their hereditary countryman.  This feeling lay among the deepest in my
+heart.  Yet, with this homesickness for the father-land, and all these
+plans of remote travel,--which I yet believe that my peculiar instinct
+impelled me to form, and upbraided me for not accomplishing,--the utmost
+limit of my wanderings has been little more than six hundred miles from
+my native village.  Thus, in whatever way I consider my life, or what
+must be termed such, I cannot feel as if I had lived at all.
+
+"I am possessed, also, with the thought that I have never yet discovered
+the real secret of my powers; that there has been a mighty treasure
+within my reach, a mine of gold beneath my feet, worthless because I
+have never known how to seek for it; and for want of perhaps one
+fortunate idea, I am to die
+
+          'Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.'
+
+"Once, amid the troubled and tumultuous enjoyment of my life, there was
+a dreamy thought that haunted me, the terrible necessity imposed on
+mortals to grow old, or die.  I could not bear the idea of losing one
+youthful grace.  True, I saw other men, who had once been young and now
+were old, enduring their age with equanimity, because each year
+reconciled them to its own added weight.  But for myself, I felt that
+age would be not less miserable, creeping upon me slowly, than if it
+fell at once.  I sometimes looked in the glass, and endeavored to fancy
+my cheeks yellow and interlaced with furrows, my forehead wrinkled
+deeply across, the top of my head bald and polished, my eyebrows and
+side-locks iron gray, and a grisly beard sprouting on my chin.
+Shuddering at the picture, I changed it for the dead face of a young
+mail, with dark locks clustering heavily round its pale beauty, which
+would decay, indeed, but not with years, nor in the sight of men.  The
+latter visage shocked me least.
+
+"Such a repugnance to the hard conditions of long life is common to all
+sensitive and thoughtful men, who minister to the luxury, the
+refinements, the gayety and lightsomeness, to anything, in short, but
+the real necessities of their fellow-creatures.  He who has a part in
+the serious business of life, though it be only as a shoemaker, feels
+himself equally respectable in youth and in age, and therefore is
+content to live and look forward to wrinkles and decrepitude in their
+due season.  It is far otherwise with the busy idlers of the world.  I
+was particularly liable to this torment, being a meditative person in
+spite of my levity.  The truth could not be concealed, nor the
+contemplation of it avoided.  With deep inquietude I became aware that
+what was graceful now, and seemed appropriate enough to my age of
+flowers, would be ridiculous in middle life; and that the world, so
+indulgent to the fantastic youth, would scorn the bearded than, still
+telling love-tales, loftily ambitious of a maiden's tears, and squeezing
+out, as it were, with his brawny strength, the essence of roses.  And in
+his old age the sweet lyrics of Anacreon made the girls laugh at his
+white hairs the more.  With such sentiments, conscious that my part in
+the drama of life was fit only for a youthful performer, I nourished a
+regretful desire to be summoned early from the scene.  I set a limit to
+myself, the age of twenty-five, few years indeed, but too many to be
+thrown away.  Scarcely had I thus fixed the term of my mortal
+pilgrimage, than the thought grew into a presentiment that, when the
+space should be completed, the world would have one butterfly the less,
+by my far flight.
+
+"O, how fond I was of life, even while allotting, as my proper destiny,
+an early death!  I loved the world, its cities, its villages, its grassy
+roadsides, its wild forests, its quiet scenes, its gay, warm, enlivening
+bustle; in every aspect, I loved the world so long as I could behold it
+with young eyes and dance through it with a young heart.  The earth had
+been made so beautiful, that I longed for no brighter sphere, but only
+an ever-youthful eternity in this.  I clung to earth as if my beginning
+and ending were to be there, unable to imagine any but an earthly
+happiness, and choosing such, with all its imperfections, rather than
+perfect bliss which might be alien from it.  Alas!  I had not wet known
+that weariness by which the soul proves itself ethereal."
+
+Turning over the old journal, I open, by chance, upon a passage which
+affords a signal instance of the morbid fancies to which Oberon
+frequently yielded himself.  Dreams like the following were probably
+engendered by the deep gloom sometimes thrown over his mind by his
+reflections on death.
+
+"I dreamed that one bright forenoon I was walking through Broadway, and
+seeking to cheer myself with the warm and busy life of that far-famed
+promenade.  Here a coach thundered over the pavement, and there an
+unwieldy omnibus, with spruce gigs rattling past, and horsemen prancing
+through all the bustle.  On the sidewalk people were looking at the rich
+display of goods, the plate and jewelry, or the latest caricature ill
+the bookseller's windows; while fair ladies and whiskered gentlemen
+tripped gayly along, nodding mutual recognitions, or shrinking from some
+rough countryman or sturdy laborer whose contact might have ruffled
+their finery.  I found myself in this animated scene, with a dim and
+misty idea that it was not my proper place, or that I had ventured into
+the crowd with some singularity of dress or aspect which made me
+ridiculous.  Walking in the sunshine, I was yet cold as death.  By
+degrees, too, I perceived myself the object of universal attention, and,
+as it seemed, of horror and affright.  Every face grew pale; the laugh
+was hushed, and the voices died away in broken syllables; the people in
+the shops crowded to the doors with a ghastly stare, and the passengers
+oil all sides fled as from an embodied pestilence.  The horses reared
+and snorted.  An old beggar-woman sat before St. Paul's Church, with her
+withered palm stretched out to all, but drew it back from me, and
+pointed to the graves and monuments in that populous churchyard.  Three
+lovely girls whom I had formerly known, ran shrieking across the street.
+A personage in black, whom I was about to overtake, suddenly turned his
+head and showed the features of a long-lost friend.  He gave me a look
+of horror and was gone.
+
+"I passed not one step farther, but threw my eyes on a looking-glass
+which stood deep within the nearest shop.  At first glimpse of my own
+figure I awoke, with a horrible sensation of self-terror and self-
+loathing.  No wonder that the affrighted city fled!  I had been
+promenading Broadway in my shroud!"
+
+I should be doing injustice to my friend's memory, were I to publish
+other extracts even nearer to insanity than this, front the scarcely
+legible papers before me.  I gather from them--for I do not remember
+that he ever related to me the circumstances--that he once made a
+journey, chiefly on foot, to Niagara.  Some conduct of the friends among
+whom he resided in his native village was constructed by him into
+oppression.  These were the friends to whose care he had been committed
+by his parents, who died when Oberon was about twelve years of age.
+Though he had always been treated by them with the most uniform
+kindness, and though a favorite among the people of the village rather
+on account of the sympathy which they felt in his situation than from
+any merit of his own, such was the waywardness of his temper, that on
+a slight provocation he ran away from the home that sheltered him,
+expressing openly his determination to die sooner than return to the
+detested spot.  A severe illness overtook him after he had been absent
+about four months.  While ill, he felt how unsoothing were the kindest
+looks and tones of strangers.  He rose from his sick-bed a better man,
+and determined upon a speedy self-atonement by returning to his native
+town.  There he lived, solitary and sad, but forgiven and cherished by
+his friends, till the day he died.  That part of the journal which
+contained a description of this journey is mostly destroyed.  Here and
+there is a fragment.  I cannot select, for the pages are very scanty;
+but I do not withhold the following fragments, because they indicate a
+better and more cheerful frame of mind than the foregoing.
+
+"On reaching the ferry-house, a rude structure of boards at the foot of
+the cliff, I found several of those wretches devoid of poetry, and lost
+some of my own poetry by contact with them.  The hut was crowded by a
+party of provincials,--a simple and merry set, who had spent the
+afternoon fishing near the Falls, and were bartering black and white
+bass and eels for the ferryman's whiskey.  A greyhound and three
+spaniels, brutes of much more grace and decorous demeanor than their
+masters, sat at the door.  A few yards off, yet wholly unnoticed by the
+dogs, was a beautiful fox, whose countenance betokened all the sagacity
+attributed to him in ancient fable.  He had a comfortable bed of straw
+in an old barrel, whither he retreated, flourishing his bushy tail as I
+made a step towards him, but soon came forth and surveyed me with a keen
+and intelligent eye.  The Canadians bartered their fish and drank their
+whiskey, and were loquacious on trifling subjects, and merry at simple
+jests, with as little regard to the scenery as they could have to the
+flattest part of the Grand Canal.  Nor was I entitled to despise them;
+for I amused myself with all those foolish matters of fishermen, and
+dogs, and fox, just as if Sublimity and Beauty were not married at that
+place and moment; as if their nuptial band were not the brightest of all
+rainbows on the opposite shore; as if the gray precipice were not
+frowning above my head and Niagara thundering around me.
+
+"The grim ferryman, a black-whiskered giant, half drunk withal, now
+thrust the Canadians by main force out of his door, launched a boat, and
+bade me sit in the stern-sheets.  Where we crossed the river was white
+with foam, yet did not offer much resistance to a straight passage,
+which brought us close to the outer edge of the American falls.  The
+rainbow vanished as we neared its misty base, and when I leaped ashore,
+the sun had left all Niagara in shadow."
+
+"A sound of merriment, sweet voices and girlish laughter, came dancing
+through the solemn roar of waters.  In old times, when the French, and
+afterwards the English, held garrisons near Niagara, it used to be
+deemed a feat worthy of a soldier, a frontier man, or an Indian, to
+cross the rapids to Goat Island.  As the country became less rude and
+warlike, a long space intervened, in which it was but half believed, by
+a faint and doubtful tradition, that mortal foot bad never trod this
+wild spot of precipice and forest clinging between two cataracts.  The
+island is no longer a tangled forest, but a grove of stately trees, with
+grassy intervals about their roots and woodland paths among their
+trunks.
+
+"There was neither soldier nor Indian here now, but a vision of three
+lovely girls, running brief races through the broken sunshine of the
+grove, hiding behind the trees, and pelting each other with the cones of
+the pine.  When their sport had brought them near me, it so happened
+that one of the party ran up and shook me by the band,--a greeting which
+I heartily returned, and would have done the same had it been tenderer.
+I had known this wild little black-eyed lass in my youth and her
+childhood, before I had commenced my rambles.
+
+"We met on terms of freedom and kindness, which elder ladies might have
+thought unsuitable with a gentleman of my description.  When I alluded
+to the two fair strangers, she shouted after them by their Christian
+names, at which summons, with grave dignity, they drew near, and honored
+me with a distant courtesy.  They were from the upper part of Vermont.
+Whether sisters, or cousins, or at all related to each other, I cannot
+tell; but they are planted in my memory like 'two twin roses on one
+stem,' with the fresh dew in both their bosoms; and when I would have
+pure and pleasant thoughts, I think of them.  Neither of them could have
+seen seventeen years.  They both were of a height, and that a moderate
+one.  The rose-bloom of their cheeks could hardly be called bright in
+her who was the rosiest, nor faint, though a shade less deep, in her
+companion.  Both had delicate eyebrows, not strongly defined, yet
+somewhat darker than their hair; both had small sweet mouths, maiden
+mouths, of not so warns and deep a tint as ruby, but only red as the
+reddest rose; each had those gems, the rarest, the most precious, a pair
+of clear, soft bright blue eyes.  Their style of dress was similar; one
+had on a black silk gown, with a stomacher of velvet, and scalloped
+cuffs of the same from the wrist to the elbow; the other wore cuffs and
+stomacher of the like pattern and material, over a gown of crimson silk.
+The dress was rather heavy for their slight figures, but suited to
+September.  They and the darker beauty all carried their straw bonnets
+in their hands."
+
+I cannot better conclude these fragments than with poor Oberon's
+description of his return to his native village after his slow recovery
+from his illness.  How beautifully does lie express his penitential
+emotions!  A beautiful moral may be indeed drawn from the early death of
+a sensitive recluse, who had shunned the ordinary avenues of
+distinction, and with splendid abilities sank to rest into an early
+grave, almost unknown to mankind, and without any record save what my
+pen hastily leaves upon these tear-blotted pages.
+
+
+
+II.
+
+MY HOME RETURN.
+
+When the stage-coach had gained the summit of the hill, I alighted to
+perform the small remainder of my journey on foot.  There had not been
+a more delicious afternoon than this in all the train of summer, the air
+being a sunny perfume, made up of balm and warmth, and gentle
+brightness.  The oak and walnut trees over my head retained their deep
+masses of foliage, and the grass, though for months the pasturage of
+stray cattle, had been revived with the freshness of early June by the
+autumnal rains of the preceding week.  The garb of autumn, indeed,
+resembled that of spring.  Dandelions and butterflies were sprinkled
+along the roadside like drops of brightest gold in greenest grass, and a
+star-shaped little flower of blue, with a golden centre.  In a rocky
+spot, and rooted under the stone walk, there was one wild rose-bush
+bearing three roses very faintly tinted, but blessed with a spicy
+fragrance.  The same tokens would have announced that the year was
+brightening into the glow of summer.  There were violets too, though few
+and pale ones.  But the breath of September was diffused through the
+mild air, and became perceptible, too thrillingly for my enfeebled
+frame, whenever a little breeze shook out the latent coolness.
+
+"I was standing on the hill at the entrance of my native village, whence
+I had looked back to bid farewell, and forward to the pale mist-bow that
+overarched my path, and was the omen of my fortunes.  How I had
+misinterpreted that augury, the ghost of hope, with none of hope's
+bright hues!  Nor could I deem that all its portents were yet
+accomplished, though from the same western sky the declining sun shone
+brightly in my face.  But I was calm and not depressed.  Turning to the
+village, so dim and dream-like at my last view, I saw the white houses
+and brick stores, the intermingled trees, the footpaths with their wide
+borders of grass, and the dusty road between; all a picture of peaceful
+gladness in the sunshine.
+
+"'Why have I never loved my home before?' thought I, as my spirit
+reposed itself on the quiet beauty of the scene.
+
+"On the side of the opposite hill was the graveyard, sloping towards the
+farther extremity of the village.  The sun shone as cheerfully there as
+on the abodes of the living, and showed all the little hillocks and the
+burial-stones, white marble or slate, and here and there a tomb, with
+the pleasant grass about them all.  A single tree was tinged with glory
+from the west, and threw a pensive shade behind.  Not far from where it
+fell was the tomb of my parents, whom I had hardly thought of in bidding
+adieu to the village, but had remembered them more faithfully among the
+feelings that drew me homeward.  At my departure their tomb had been
+hidden in the morning mist.  Beholding it in the sunshine now, I felt a
+sensation through my frame as if a breeze had thrown the coolness of
+September over me, though not a leaf was stirred, nor did the thistle-
+down take flight.  Was I to roam no more through this beautiful world,
+but only to the other end of the village?  Then let me lie down near my
+parents, but not with them, because I love a green grave better than a
+tomb.
+
+"Moving slowly forward, I heard shouts and laughter, and perceived a
+considerable throng of people, who came from behind the meeting-house
+and made a stand in front of it.  Thither all the idlers in the village
+were congregated to witness the exercises of the engine company, this
+being the afternoon of their monthly practice.  They deluged the roof of
+the meeting-house, till the water fell from the eaves in a broad
+cascade; then the stream beat against the dusty windows like a thunder-
+storm; and sometimes they flung it up beside the steeple, sparkling in
+an ascending shower about the weathercock.  For variety's sake the
+engineer made it undulate horizontally, like a great serpent flying over
+the earth.  As his last effort, being roguishly inclined, he seemed to
+take aim at the sky, falling short rather of which, down came the fluid,
+transformed to drops of silver, on the thickest crowd of the spectators.
+Then ensued a prodigious rout and mirthful uproar, with no little wrath
+of the surly ones, whom this is an infallible method of distinguishing.
+The joke afforded infinite amusement to the ladies at the windows and
+some old people under the hay-scales.  I also laughed at a distance, and
+was glad to find myself susceptible, as of old, to the simple mirth of
+such a scene.
+
+"But the thoughts that it excited were not all mirthful.  I had
+witnessed hundreds of such spectacles in my youth, and one precisely
+similar only a few days before my departure.  And now, the aspect of the
+village being the same, and the crowd composed of my old acquaintances,
+I could hardly realize that years had passed, or even months, or that
+the very drops of water were not falling at this moment, which had been
+flung up then.  But I pressed the conviction home, that, brief as the
+time appeared, it had been long enough for me to wander away and return
+again, with my fate accomplished, and little more hope in this world.
+The last throb of an adventurous and wayward spirit kept me from
+repining.  I felt as if it were better, or not worse, to have compressed
+my enjoyments and sufferings into a few wild years, and then to rest
+myself in an early grave, than to have chosen the untroubled and
+ungladdened course of the crowd before me, whose days were all alike,
+and a long lifetime like each day.  But the sentiment startled me.  For
+a moment I doubted whether my dear-bought wisdom were anything but the
+incapacity to pursue fresh follies, and whether, if health and strength
+could be restored that night, I should be found in the village after
+to-morrow's dawn.
+
+"Among other novelties, I had noticed that the tavern was now designated
+as a Temperance House, in letters extending across the whole front, with
+a smaller sign promising Hot Coffee at all hours, and Spruce Beer to
+lodgers gratis.  There were few new buildings, except a Methodist chapel
+and a printing-office, with a bookstore in the lower story.  The golden
+mortar still ornamented the apothecary's door, nor had the Indian Chief,
+with his gilded tobacco stalk, been relieved from doing sentinel's duty
+before Dominicus Pike's grocery.  The gorgeous silks, though of later
+patterns, were still flaunting like a banner in front of Mr.
+Nightingale's dry-goods store.  Some of the signs introduced me to
+strangers, whose predecessors had failed, or emigrated to the West, or
+removed merely to the other end of the village, transferring their names
+from the sign-boards to slabs of marble or slate.  But, on the whole,
+death and vicissitude had done very little.  There were old men,
+scattered about the street, who had been old in my earliest
+reminiscences; and, as if their venerable forms were permanent parts of
+the creation, they appeared to be hale and hearty old men yet.  The less
+elderly were more altered, having generally contracted a stoop, with
+hair wofully thinned and whitened.  Some I could hardly recognize; at my
+last glance they had been boys and girls, but were young men and women
+when I looked again; and there were happy little things too, rolling
+about on the grass, whom God had made since my departure.
+
+"But now, in my lingering course I had descended the bill, and began to
+consider, painfully enough, how I should meet my townspeople, and what
+reception they would give me.  Of many an evil prophecy, doubtless, had
+I been the subject.  And would they salute me with a roar of triumph or
+a low hiss of scorn, on beholding their worst anticipations more than
+accomplished?
+
+"'No,' said I, 'they will not triumph over me.  And should they ask the
+cause of my return, I will tell f hem that a man may go far and tarry
+long away, if his health be good and his hopes high; but that when flesh
+and spirit begin to fail, he remembers his birthplace and the old
+burial-ground, and hears a voice calling him to cone home to his father
+and mother.  They will know, by my wasted frame and feeble step, that I
+have heard the summons and obeyed.  And, the first greetings over, they
+will let me walk among them unnoticed, and linger in the sunshine while
+I may, and steal into my grave in peace.'
+
+"With these reflections I looked kindly at the crowd, and drew off my
+glove, ready to give my hand to the first that should put forth his.  It
+occurred to me, also, that some youth among them, now at the crisis of
+his fate, might have felt his bosom thrill at my example, and be emulous
+of my wild life and worthless fame.  But I would save him.
+
+"'He shall be taught,' said I, 'by my life, and by my death, that the
+world is a sad one for him who shrinks from its sober duties.  My
+experience shall warn him to adopt some great and serious aim, such as
+manhood will cling to, that he may not feel himself, too late, a
+cumberer of this overladen earth, but a man among men.  I will beseech
+him not to follow an eccentric path, nor, by stepping aside from the
+highway of human affairs, to relinquish his claim upon human sympathy.
+And often, as a text of deep and varied meaning, I will remind him that
+he is an American.'
+
+"By this time I had drawn near the meeting-house, and perceived that the
+crowd were beginning to recognize me."
+
+
+These are the last words traced by his hand.  Has not so chastened a
+spirit found true communion with the pure in Heaven?  "Until of late, I
+never could believe that I was seriously ill: the past, I thought, could
+not extend its misery beyond itself; life was restored to me, and should
+not be missed again.  I had day-dreams even of wedded happiness.  Still,
+as the days wear on, a faintness creeps through my frame and spirit,
+recalling the consciousness that a very old man might as well nourish
+hope and young desire as I at twenty-four.  Yet the consciousness of my
+situation does not always make me sad.  Sometimes I look upon the world
+with a quiet interest, because it cannot, concern me personally, and a
+loving one for the same reason, because nothing selfish can interfere
+with the sense of brotherhood.  Soon to be all spirit, I have already a
+spiritual sense of human nature, and see deeply into the hearts of
+mankind, discovering what is hidden from the wisest.  The loves of young
+men and virgins are known to me, before the first kiss, before the
+whispered word, with the birth of the first sigh.  My glance comprehends
+the crowd, and penetrates the breast of the solitary man.  I think
+better of the world than formerly, more generously of its virtues, more
+mercifully of its faults, with a higher estimate of its present
+happiness, and brighter hopes of its destiny.  My mind has put forth a
+second crop of blossoms, as the trees do in the Indian summer.  No
+winter will destroy their beauty, for they are fanned by the breeze and
+freshened by the shower that breathes and falls in the gardens of
+Paradise!"
+
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, JOURNAL SOLITARY MAN***
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