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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Rill from the Town Pump (From "Twice Told
+Tales"), by Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Rill from the Town Pump (From "Twice Told Tales")
+
+Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+Posting Date: November 27, 2010 [EBook #9203]
+Release Date: November, 2005
+First Posted: August 23, 2003
+Last Updated: February 5, 2007
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RILL FROM THE TOWN PUMP ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                         TWICE TOLD TALES
+
+                     A RILL FROM THE TOWN PUMP
+
+                      By Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+
+
+(SCENE.--The corner of two principal streets.--[Essex and Washington
+Streets, Salem.]--The Town Pump talking through its nose.)
+
+
+NOON, by the North clock!  Noon, by the east!  High noon, too, by these
+hot sunbeams, which  fall, scarcely aslope, upon my head, and almost
+make the water bubble and smoke, in the trough under  my nose.  Truly, we
+public characters have a tough  time of it!  And, among all the town
+officers, chosen at  March meeting, where is he that sustains, for a
+single  year, the burden of such manifold duties as are imposed,  in
+perpetuity, upon the Town Pump?  The title of  "town treasurer" is
+rightfully mine, as guardian of the  best treasure that the town has.
+The overseers of the  poor ought to make me their chairman, since I
+provide  bountifully for the pauper, without, expense to him that pays
+taxes.  I am at the head of the fire department; and one of the
+physicians to the board of health.  As a  keeper of the peace, all water
+drinkers will confess me equal to the constable.  I perform some of the
+duties of the town clerk, by promulgating public notices, when they are
+posted on my front.  To speak within bounds, I am the chief person of the
+municipality, and exhibit, moreover, an admirable pattern to my brother
+officers, by the cool, steady, upright, downright, and impartial
+discharge of my business, and the constancy with which I stand to my
+post.  Summer or winter, nobody seeks me in vain; for, all day long, I am
+seen at the busiest corner, just above the market, stretching out my
+arms, to rich and poor alike; and at night, I hold a lantern over my
+head, both to show where I am, and keep people out of the gutters.
+
+At this sultry noontide, I am cupbearer to the parched populace, for
+whose benefit an iron goblet is chained to my waist.  Like a dram-seller
+on the mall, at muster-day, I cry aloud to all and sundry, in my plainest
+accents, and at the very tiptop of my voice.  Here it is, gentlemen!
+Here is the good liquor!  Walk up, walk up, gentlemen, walk up, walk up!
+Here is the superior stuff!  Here is the unadulterated ale of father
+Adam,--better than Cognac, Hollands, Jamaica, strong beer, or wine of any
+price; here it is, by the hogshead or the single glass, and not a cent to
+pay!  Walk up, gentlemen, walk up, and help yourselves!
+
+It were a pity, if all this outcry should draw no customers.  Here they
+come.  A hot day, gentlemen!  Quaff, and away again, so as to keep
+yourselves in a nice cool sweat.  You, my friend, will need another
+cupful, to wash the dust out of your throat, if it be as thick there as
+it is on your cowhide shoes.  I see that you have trudged half a score of
+miles to-day; and, like a wise man, have passed by the taverns, and
+stopped at the running brooks and well-curbs.  Otherwise, betwixt heat
+without and fire within, you would have been burned to a cinder, or
+melted down to nothing at all, in the fashion of a jelly-fish.  Drink,
+and make room for that other fellow, who seeks my aid to quench the fiery
+fever of last night's potations, which he drained from no cup of mine.
+Welcome, most rubicund sir!  You and I have been great strangers,
+hitherto; nor, to confess the truth, will my nose be anxious for a closer
+intimacy, till the fumes of your breath be a little less potent.  Mercy
+on you, man! the water absolutely hisses down your red-hot gullet, and is
+converted quite to steam, in the miniature tophet, which you mistake for
+a stomach.  Fill again, and tell me, on the word of an honest toper, did
+you ever, in cellar, tavern, or any kind of a dram-shop, spend the price
+of your children's food for a swig half so delicious?  Now, for the first
+time these ten years, you know the flavor of cold water.  Good by; and,
+whenever you are thirsty, remember that I keep a constant supply, at the
+old stand.  Who next?  O, my little friend, you are let loose from
+school, and come hither to scrub your blooming face, and drown the memory
+of certain taps of the ferule, and other school-boy troubles, in a
+draught from the Town Pump.  Take it, pure as the current of your young
+life.  Take it, and may your heart and tongue never be scorched with a
+fiercer thirst than now!  There, my dear child, put down the cup, and
+yield your place to this elderly gentleman, who treads so tenderly over
+the paving-stones, that I suspect he is afraid of breaking them.  What!
+he limps by, without so much as thanking me, as if my hospitable offers
+were meant only for people who have no wine-cellars.  Well, well, sir,--no
+harm done, I hope!  Go draw the cork, tip the decanter; but, when your
+great toe shall set you a-roaring, it will be no affair of mine.  If
+gentlemen love the pleasant titillation of the gout, it is all one to the
+Town Pump.  This thirsty dog, with his red tongue lolling out, does not
+scorn my hospitality, but stands on his hind legs, and laps eagerly out
+of the trough.  See how lightly he capers away again!  Jowler, did your
+worship ever have the gout?
+
+Are you all satisfied?  Then wipe your mouths, my good friends; and,
+while my spout has a moment's leisure, I will delight the town with a few
+historical reminiscences.  In far antiquity, beneath a darksome shadow of
+venerable boughs, a spring bubbled out of the leaf-strewn earth, in the
+very spot where you now behold me, on the sunny pavement.  The water was
+as bright and clear, and deemed as precious, as liquid diamonds.  The
+Indian sagamores drank of it, from time immemorial, till the fatal deluge
+of the fire-water burst upon the red men, and swept their whole race away
+from the cold fountains.  Endicott, and his followers, came next, and
+often knelt down to drink, dipping their long beards in the spring.  The
+richest goblet, then, was of birch-bark.  Governor Winthrop, after a
+journey afoot from Boston, drank here, out of the hollow of his hand.
+The elder Higginson here wet his palm, and laid it on the brow of the
+first town-born child.  For many years it was the watering-place, and, as
+it were, the wash-bowl of the vicinity,--whither all decent folks
+resorted, to purify their visages, and gaze at them afterwards--at least,
+the pretty maidens did--in the mirror which it made.  On Sabbath days,
+whenever a babe was to be baptized, the sexton filled his basin here, and
+placed it on the communion-table of the humble meeting-house, which
+partly covered the site of yonder stately brick one.  Thus, one
+generation after another was consecrated to Heaven by its waters, and
+cast their waxing and waning shadows into its glassy bosom, and vanished
+from the earth, as if mortal life were but a flitting image in a
+fountain.  Finally, the fountain vanished also.  Cellars were dug on all
+sides, and cartloads of gravel flung upon its source, whence oozed a
+turbid stream, forming a mud-puddle, at the corner of two streets.  In
+the hot months, when its refreshment was most needed, the dust flew in
+clouds over the forgotten birthplace of the waters, now their grave.
+But, in the course of time, a Town Pump was sunk into the source of the
+ancient spring; and when the first decayed, another took its place,--and
+then another, and still another,--till here stand I, gentlemen and
+ladies, to serve you with my iron goblet.  Drink, and be refreshed!  The
+water is as pure and cold as that which slaked the thirst of the red
+sagamore, beneath the aged boughs, though now the gem of the wilderness
+is treasured under these hot stones, where no shadow falls, but from the
+brick buildings.  And be it the moral of my story, that, as this wasted
+and long-lost fountain is now known and prized again, so shall the
+virtues of cold water, too little valued since your father's days, be
+recognized by all.
+
+Your pardon, good people!  I must interrupt my stream of eloquence, and
+spout forth a stream of water, to replenish the trough for this teamster
+and his two yoke of oxen, who have come from Topsfield, or somewhere
+along that way.  No part of my business is pleasanter than the watering
+of cattle.  Look!  how rapidly they lower the water-mark on the sides of
+the trough, till their capacious stomachs are moistened with a gallon or
+two apiece, and they can afford time to breathe it in, with sighs of calm
+enjoyment.  Now they roll their quiet eyes around the brim of their
+monstrous drinking-vessel.  An ox is your true toper.
+
+But I perceive, my dear auditors, that you are impatient for the
+remainder of my discourse.  Impute it, I beseech you, to no defect of
+modesty, if I insist a little longer on so fruitful a topic as my own
+multifarious merits.  It is altogether for your good.  The better you
+think of me, the better men and women will you find yourselves.  I shall
+say nothing of my all-important aid on washing-days; though, on that
+account alone, I might call myself the household god of a hundred
+families.  Far be it from me also to hint, my respectable friends, at the
+show of dirty faces which you would present, without my pains to keep you
+clean.  Nor will I remind you how often when the midnight bells make you
+tremble for your combustible town, you have tied to the Town Pump, and
+found me always at my post, firm amid the confusion, and ready to drain
+my vital current in your behalf.  Neither is it worth while to lay much
+stress on my claims to a medical diploma, as the physician, whose simple
+rule of practice is preferable to all the nauseous lore, which has found
+men sick or left them so, since the days of Hippocrates.  Let us take a
+broader view of my beneficial influence on mankind.
+
+No; these are trifles, compared with the merits which wise men concede to
+me,--if not in my single self, yet as the representative of a class--of
+being the grand reformer of the age.  From my spout, and such spouts as
+mine, must flow the stream that shall cleanse our earth of the vast
+portion of its crime and anguish, which has gushed from the fiery
+fountains of the still.  In this mighty enterprise, the cow shall be my
+great confederate.  Milk and water!  The TOWN Pump and the Cow!  Such is
+the glorious copartnership, that shall tear down the distilleries and
+brewhouses, uproot the vineyards, shatter the cider-presses, ruin the tea
+and coffee trade, and finally monopolize the whole business of quenching
+thirst.  Blessed consummation!  Then Poverty shall pass away from the
+land, finding no hovel so wretched, where her squalid form may shelter
+itself.  Then Disease, for lack of other victims, shall gnaw its own
+heart, and die.  Then Sin, if she do not die, shall lose half her
+strength.  Until now, the frenzy of hereditary fever has raged in the
+human blood, transmitted from sire to son, and rekindled in every
+generation, by fresh draughts of liquid flame.  When that inward fire
+shall be extinguished, the heat of passion cannot but grow cool, and
+war--the drunkenness of nations--perhaps will cease.  At least, there will
+be no war of households.  The husband and wife, drinking deep of peaceful
+joy,--a calm bliss of temperate affections,--shall pass hand in hand
+through life, and lie down, not reluctantly, at its protracted close.
+To them, the past will be no turmoil of mad dreams, nor the future an
+eternity of such moments as follow the delirium of the drunkard.  Their
+dead faces shall express what their spirits were, and are to be, by a
+lingering smile of memory and hope.
+
+Ahem!  Dry work, this speechifying; especially to an unpractised orator.
+I never conceived, till now, what toil the temperance lecturers undergo
+for my sake.  Hereafter, they shall have the business to themselves.  Do,
+some kind Christian, pump a stroke or two, just to wet my whistle.  Thank
+you, sir!  My dear hearers, when the world shall have been regenerated by
+my instrumentality, you will collect your useless vats and liquor-casks
+into one great pile, and make a bonfire, in honor of the Town Pump.  And,
+when I shall have decayed, like my predecessors, then, if you revere my
+memory, let a marble fountain, richly sculptured, take my place upon this
+spot.  Such monuments should be erected everywhere, and inscribed with
+the names of the distinguished champions of my cause.  Now listen; for
+something very important is to come next.
+
+There are two or three honest friends of mine--and true friends, I know,
+they are--who, nevertheless, by their fiery pugnacity in my behalf, do
+put me in fearful hazard of a broken nose or even a total overthrow upon
+the pavement, and the loss of the treasure which I guard.  I pray you,
+gentlemen, let this fault be amended.  Is it decent, think you, to get
+tipsy with zeal for temperance, and take up the honorable cause of the
+Town Pump in the style of a toper, fighting for his brandy-bottle?  Or,
+can the excellent qualities of cold water be not otherwise exemplified,
+than by plunging slapdash into hot water, and wofully scalding yourselves
+and other people?  Trust me, they may.  In the moral warfare, which you
+are to wage,--and, indeed, in the whole conduct of your lives,--you
+cannot choose a better example than myself, who have never permitted the
+dust and sultry atmosphere, the turbulence and manifold disquietudes of
+the world around me, to reach that deep, calm well of purity, which may
+be called my soul.  And whenever I pour out that soul, it is to cool
+earth's fever, or cleanse its stains.
+
+One o'clock!  Nay, then, if the dinner-bell begins to speak, I may as
+well hold my peace.  Here comes a pretty young girl of my acquaintance,
+with a large stone pitcher for me to fill.  May she draw a husband, while
+drawing her water, as Rachel did of old.  Hold out your vessel, my dear!
+There it is, full to the brim; so now run hone, peeping at your sweet
+image in the pitcher, as you go; and forget not, in a glass of my own
+liquor, to drink--"SUCCESS TO THE TOWN PUMP!"
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Rill from the Town Pump (From "Twice
+Told Tales"), by Nathaniel Hawthorne
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RILL FROM THE TOWN PUMP ***
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