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diff --git a/9096.txt b/9096.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6ebeb79 --- /dev/null +++ b/9096.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16908 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Weighed and Wanting, by George MacDonald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Weighed and Wanting + +Author: George MacDonald + +Posting Date: August 20, 2012 [EBook #9096] +Release Date: October, 2005 +First Posted: September 5, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEIGHED AND WANTING *** + + + + +Produced by David Garcia, Jonathan Ingram and Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Hester at her piano.] + + + +WEIGHED AND WANTING + +BY GEORGE MACDONALD + + + +CONTENTS. + + I. Bad Weather + + II. Father, Mother and Son + + III. The Magic Lantern + + IV. Hester alone + + V. Truly the Light is sweet + + VI. The Aquarium + + VII. Amy Amber + + VIII. Cornelius and Vavasor + + IX. Songs and Singers + + X. Hester and Amy + + XI. At Home + + XII. A Beginning + + XIII. A private Exhibition + + XIV. Vavasor and Hester + + XV. A small Failure + + XVI. The Concert Room + + XVII. An uninvited Guest + + XVIII. Catastrophe + + XIX. Light and Shade + + XX. The Journey + + XXI. Mother and Daughter + + XXII. Gladness + + XXIII. Down the Hill + + XXIV. Out of the Frying pan + + XXV. Was it into the Fire? + + XXVI. Waiting a Purpose + + XXVII. Major H. G. Marvel + + XXVIII. The Major and Vavasor + + XXIX. A brave Act + + XXX. In another Light + + XXXI. The Major and Cousin Helen's Boys + + XXXII. A distinguished Guest + + XXXIII. Courtship in earnest + + XXXIV. Calamity + + XXXV. In London + + XXXVI. A Talk with the Major + + XXXVII. Rencontres + +XXXVIII. In the House + + XXXIX. The Major and the Small-pox + + XL. Down and down + + XLI. Difference + + XLII. Deep calleth unto Deep + + XLIII. Deliverance + + XLIV. On the Way up + + XLV. More yet + + XLVI. Amy and Corney + + XLVII. Miss Vavasor + + XLVIII. Mr. Christopher + + XLIX. An Arrangement + + L. Things at Home + + LI. The Return + + LII. A heavenly Vision + + LIII. A sad Beginning + + LIV. Mother and Son + + LV. Miss Dasomma and Amy + + LVI. The sick Room + + LVII. Vengeance is Mine + + LVIII. Father and Daughter-in-law + + LIX. The Message + + LX. A birthday Gift + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +BAD WEATHER. + + +It was a gray, windy noon in the beginning of autumn. The sky and the +sea were almost of the same color, and that not a beautiful one. The +edge of the horizon where they met was an edge no more, but a bar thick +and blurred, across which from the unseen came troops of waves that +broke into white crests, the flying manes of speed, as they rushed at, +rather than ran towards the shore: in their eagerness came out once more +the old enmity between moist and dry. The trees and the smoke were +greatly troubled, the former because they would fain stand still, the +latter because it would fain ascend, while the wind kept tossing the +former and beating down the latter. Not one of the hundreds of fishing +boats belonging to the coast was to be seen; not a sail even was +visible; not the smoke of a solitary steamer ploughing its own miserable +path through the rain-fog to London or Aberdeen. It was sad weather and +depressing to not a few of the thousands come to Burcliff to enjoy a +holiday which, whether of days or of weeks, had looked short to the +labor weary when first they came, and was growing shorter and shorter, +while the days that composed it grew longer and longer by the frightful +vitality of dreariness. Especially to those of them who hated work, a +day like this, wrapping them in a blanket of fog, whence the water was +every now and then squeezed down upon them in the wettest of all rains, +seemed a huge bite snatched by that vague enemy against whom the +grumbling of the world is continually directed out of the cake that by +every right and reason belonged to them. For were they not born to be +happy, and how was human being to fulfill his destiny in such +circumstances? + +There are men and women who can be happy in any--even in such +circumstances and worse, but they are rare, and not a little better +worth knowing than the common class of mortals--alas that they +_will_ be common! _content_ to be common they are not and cannot +be. Among these exceptional mortals I do not count such as, having +secured the corner of a couch within the radius of a good fire, +forget the world around them by help of the magic lantern of a novel +that interests them: such may not be in the least worth knowing for +their disposition or moral attainment--not even although the noise of +the waves on the sands, or the storm in the chimney, or the rain on the +windows but serves to deepen the calm of their spirits. Take the novel +away, give the fire a black heart; let the smells born in a +lodging-house kitchen invade the sitting-room, and the person, man or +woman, who can then, on such a day, be patient with a patience pleasant +to other people, is, I repeat, one worth knowing--and such there are, +though not many. Mrs. Raymount, half the head and more than half the +heart of a certain family in a certain lodging house in the forefront of +Burcliff, was one of such. + +It was not a large family, yet contained perhaps as many varieties of +character and temper as some larger ones, with as many several ways of +fronting such a misfortune--for that is what poor creatures, the slaves +of the elements, count it--as rainy weather in a season concerning which +all men agree that it ought to be fine, and that something is out of +order, giving ground of complaint, if it be not fine. The father met it +with tolerably good humor; but he was so busy writing a paper for one of +the monthly reviews, that he would have kept the house had the day been +as fine as both the church going visitors, and the mammon-worshipping +residents with income depending on the reputation of their weather, +would have made it if they could, nor once said _by your leave_; +therefore he had no credit, and his temper must pass as not proven. But +if you had taken from the mother her piece of work--she was busy +embroidering a lady's pinafore in a design for which she had taken +colors and arrangement from a peacock's feather, but was disposing them +in the form of a sun which with its rays covered the stomacher, the +deeper tints making the shadow between the golden arrows--had you taken +from her this piece of work, I say, and given her nothing to do instead, +she would yet have looked and been as peaceful as she now looked, for +she was not like Doctor Doddridge's dog that did not know who made him. + +A longish lad stood in the bow window, leaning his head on the shutter, +in a mood of smouldering rebellion against the order of things. He was +such a mere creature of moods, that individual judgments of his +character might well have proved irreconcilable. He had not yet begun by +the use of his will--constantly indeed mistaking impulse for will--to +blend the conflicting elements of his nature into one. He was therefore +a man much as the mass of flour and raisins, etc., when first put into +the bag, is a plum-pudding; and had to pass through something analogous +to boiling to give him a chance of becoming worthy of the name he would +have arrogated. But in his own estimate of himself he claimed always the +virtues of whose presence he was conscious in his good moods letting the +bad ones slide, nor taking any account of what was in them. He +substituted forgetfulness for repudiation, a return of good humor for +repentance, and at best a joke for apology. + +Mark, a pale, handsome boy of ten, and Josephine, a rosy girl of seven, +sat on the opposite side of the fire, amusing themselves with a puzzle. +The gusts of wind, and the great splashes of rain on the glass, only +made them feel the cosier and more satisfied. + +"Beastly weather!" remarked Cornelius, as with an effort half wriggle, +half spring, he raised himself perpendicular, and turned towards the +room rather than the persons in it. + +"I'm sorry you don't like it, Cornie," said his elder sister, who sat +beside her mother trimming what promised to be a pretty bonnet. A +concentrated effort to draw her needle through an accumulation of silken +folds seemed to take something off the bloom of the smile with which she +spoke. + +"Oh, it's all very well for girls!" returned Cornelius. "You don't do +anything worth doing; and besides you've got so many things you like +doing, and so much time to do them in, that it's all one to you whether +you go out or stay at home. But when a fellow has but a miserable three +weeks and then back to a rot of work he cares no more for than a felon +for the treadmill, then it is rather hard to have such a hole made in +it! Day after day, as sure as the sun rises--if he does rise--of weather +as abominable as rain and wind can make it!" + +"My dear boy!" said his mother without looking up. + +"Oh, yes, mother! I know! You're so good you would have had Job himself +take it coolly. But I'm not like you. Only you needn't think me so +very--what you call it! It's only a breach in the laws of nature I'm +grumbling at. I don't mean anything to offend you." + +"Perhaps you mean more than you think," answered his mother with a +deep-drawn breath, which, if not a sigh, was very nearly one. "I should +be far more miserable than any weather could make me, not to be able to +join in the song of the three holy children." + +"I've heard you say that before, mother," said the youth, in a tone that +roused his sister's anger; for much that the mother let pass was by the +daughter for her sake resented. "But you see," he went on, "the three +holy children, as you call them, hadn't much weather of any sort where +they sung their song. Precious tired one gets of it before the choir's +through with it!" + +"They would have been glad enough of some of the weather you call +beastly," said Hester, again pulling through a stiff needle, this time +without any smile, for sometimes that brother was more than she could +bear. + +"Oh, I dare say! But then, you see, they knew, when they got out, they +wouldn't have to go back to a beastly bank, where notes and gold all day +went flying about like bats--nothing but the sight and the figures of it +coming their way!" + +The mother's face grew very sad as it bent over her work. The youth saw +her trouble. + +"Mother, don't be vexed with a fellow," he said more gently. "I wasn't +made good like you." + +"I think you were right about the holy children," she said quietly. + +"What!" exclaimed Cornelius. "Mother, I never once before heard you say +I was right about any mortal thing! Come, this is pleasant! I begin to +think strong ale of myself! I don't understand it, though." + +"Shall I tell you? Would you care to know what I mean?" + +"Oh, yes, mother! if you want to tell me." + +"I think you were right when you implied it was the furnace that made +them sing about the world outside of it: one can fancy the idea of the +frost and the snow and the ice being particularly pleasant to them. And +I am afraid, Cornelius, my dear son, you need the furnace to teach you +that the will of God, even in weather, is a thing for rejoicing in, not +for abusing. But I dread the fire for your sake, my boy!" + +"I should have thought this weather and the bank behind it furnace +enough, mother!" he answered, trying to laugh off her words. + +"It does not seem to be," she said, with some displeasure. "But then," +she added with a sigh, "you have not the same companion that the three +holy children had." + +"Who was that?" rejoined Cornelius, for he had partly forgotten the +story he knew well enough in childhood. + +"We will not talk about him now," answered his mother. "He has been +knocking at your chamber-door for some time: when he comes to the +furnace-door, perhaps you will open that to him." + +Cornelius returned no answer; he felt his mother's seriousness awkward, +and said to himself she was unkind; why couldn't she make some allowance +for a fellow? He meant no harm! + +He was still less patient with his mother's not very frequent +admonitions, since going into the bank, for, much as he disliked it, he +considered himself quite a man of the world in consequence. But he was +almost as little capable of slipping like a pebble among other pebbles, +the peculiar faculty of the man of the world, as he was of perceiving +the kind of thing his mother cared about--and that not from moral lack +alone, but from dullness and want of imagination as well. He was like +the child so sure he can run alone that he snatches his hand from his +mother's and sets off through dirt and puddles, so to act the part of +the great personage he would consider himself. + +With all her peace of soul, the heart of the mother was very anxious +about her son, but she said no more to him now: she knew that the shower +bath is not the readiest mode of making a child friendly with cold +water. + +Just then broke out the sun. The wind had at last blown a hole in the +clouds, and through that at once, as is his wont, and the wont of a +greater light than the sun, he shone. + +"Come! there's something almost like sunshine!" said Cornelius, having +for a few moments watched the light on the sands. "Before it goes in +again, as it's sure to do in five minutes at the farthest, get on your +bonnet, Hester, and let's have an attempt at a walk." + +Before Hester could answer came a sudden spatter of rain on the window. + +"There! I told you so! That's always the way! Just my luck! For me to +set my heart on a thing is all one with being disappointed of it." + +"But if the thing was not worth setting your heart on?" said Hester, +speaking with forced gentleness. + +"What does that signify? The thing is that your heart is set on it. What +you think nothing other people may yet be bold enough to take for +something." + +"Well, at least, if I had to be disappointed, I should like it to be in +something that would be worth having." + +"Would you now?" returned Cornelius spitefully. "I hope you may have +what you want. For my part I don't desire to be better than my neighbor. +I think it downright selfish." + +"Do you want to be as good as your neighbor, Cornie?" said his mother, +looking up through a film of tears. "But there is a more important +question than that," she went on, having waited a moment in vain for an +answer, "and that is, whether you are content with being as good as +yourself, or want to be better." + +"To tell you the truth, mother, I don't trouble my head about such +things. Philosophers are agreed that self consciousness is the bane of +the present age: I mean to avoid it. If you had let me go into the army, +I might have had some leisure for what you call thought, but that +horrible bank takes everything out of a fellow. The only thing it leaves +is a burning desire to forget it at any cost till the time comes when +you must endure it again. If I hadn't some amusement in between, I +should cut my throat, or take to opium or brandy. I wonder how the +governor would like to be in my place!" + +Hester rose and left the room, indignant with him for speaking so of his +father. + +"If your father were in your place, Cornelius," said his mother with +dignity, "he would perform the duties of it without grumbling, however +irksome they might be." + +"How do you know that, mother? He was never tried." + +"I know it because I know him," she answered. + +Cornelius gave a grunt. + +"If you think it hard," his mother resumed, "that you have to follow a +way of life not of your own choosing, you must remember that you never +could be got to express a preference for one way over another, and that +your father had to strain every nerve to send you to college--to the +disadvantage, for a time at least, of others of the family. I am sorry +to have to remind you also that you did not make it any easier for him +by your mode of living while there." + +"I didn't run up a single bill!" cried Cornelius with indignation; "and +my father knows it!" + +"He does; but he knows also that your cousin Robert did not spend above +two-thirds of what you did, and made more of his time too." + +"He was in _rather_ a different set," sneered the youth. + +"And you know," his mother went on, "that his main design in placing you +in your uncle's bank was that you might gain such a knowledge of +business as will be necessary to the proper management of the money he +will leave behind him. When you have gained that knowledge, there will +be time to look farther, for you are young yet." + +Now his father's money was the continuous occasion of annoyance to +Cornelius, for it was no secret from his family how he meant to dispose +of it. He intended, namely, to leave it under trustees, of whom he +wished his son to be one until he married, when it was to be divided +equally among his children. + +This arrangement was not agreeable to Cornelius, who could not see, he +said, what advantage in that case he had from being the eldest of the +family. + +He broke out in a tone of expostulation, ready to swell into indignant +complaint. + +"Now, mother," he said "do you think it fair that I should have to look +after the whole family as if they were my own?" + +This was by no means his real cause of complaint, but he chose to use it +as his grievance for the present. + +"You will have the other trustees to advise with," said his mother. "It +need not weigh on you very heavily." + +"Well, of course, I could do better with it than anybody out of the +family." + +"If you have your father's love of fair play, Cornelius, you will. What +you can do to that end now is to make yourself thoroughly acquainted +with business." + +"A bank's not the place to get the knowledge of business necessary for +that sort of thing." + +"Your father has reasons for preferring a general to any special +knowledge. The fitness resulting will depend upon yourself. And when you +marry you will, as you know, be rid of the responsibility. So far your +father and you are of one mind; he does not think it fair that a married +man should be burdened with any family but his own." + +"What if I should marry before my father's death?" + +"I hope, indeed, you will, Cornelius. The arrangements your father has +made is one of provision against the unlikely. When you are married, I +don't doubt he will make another, to meet the new circumstances." + +"Now," said Cornelius to himself, "I do believe if I was to marry +money--as why shouldn't I?--my father would divide my share amongst the +rest, and not give me a farthing!" + +Full of the injury of the idea, he rose and left the room. His mother, +poor woman, wept as he vanished. She dared not allow herself to ask why +she wept--dared not allow to herself that her first-born was not a +lovely thought to her--dared not ask where he could have got such a mean +nature--so mean that he did not know he was mean. + +Although the ill-humor in which he had been ever since he came was by +himself attributed to the weather, and had been expended on the cooking, +on the couches, on the beds, and twenty different things that displeased +him, he had nevertheless brought it with him; and her experience gave +her the sad doubt that the cause of it might lie in his own conduct--for +the consciousness may be rendered uneasy without much rousing of the +conscience proper. + +He had always been fitful and wayward, but had never before behaved so +unpleasantly. Certainly his world had not improved him for his home. Yet +amongst his companions he bore the character of the best-natured fellow +in the world. To them he never showed any of the peevishness arising +from mental discomfort, but kept it for those who loved him a thousand +times better, and would have cheerfully parted with their own happiness +for his. He was but one of a large herd of youths, possessing no will of +their own, yet enjoying the reputation of a strong one; for moved by +liking or any foolish notion, his pettiness made a principle of, he +would be obstinate; and the common philosophy always takes obstinacy for +strength of will, even when it springs from utter inability to will +against liking. + +Mr. Raymount knew little of the real nature of his son. The youth was +afraid of his father--none the less that he spoke of him with so little +respect. Before him he dared not show his true nature. He knew and +dreaded the scorn which the least disclosure of his feeling about the +intended division of his father's money would rouse in him. He knew also +that his mother would not betray him--he would have counted it +betrayal--to his father; nor would any one who had ever heard Mr. +Raymount give vent to his judgment of any conduct he despised, have +wondered at the reticence of either of them. + +Whether in his youth he would have done as well in a position like his +son's as his worshipping wife believed, may be doubtful; but that he +would have done better than his son must seem more than probable. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +FATHER, MOTHER, AND SON. + + +Gerald Raymount was a man of an unusual combination of qualities. There +were such contradictions in his character as to give ground for the +suspicion, in which he certainly himself indulged, that there must be in +him at least one strain not far removed from the savage, while on the +other hand there were mental conditions apparently presupposing ages of +culture. At the university he had indulged in large reading outside the +hedge of his required studies, and gained thus an acquaintance with and +developed a faculty in literature destined to stand him in good stead. + +Inheriting earthly life and a history--nothing more--from a long line of +ancestors, and a few thousand pounds--less than twenty--from his father, +who was a country attorney, a gentle, quarrelsome man, who yet never, +except upon absolute necessity, carried a case into court, he had found, +as his family increased, that his income was not sufficient for their +maintenance in accustomed ease. With not one expensive personal taste +between them, they had neither of them the faculty for saving +money--often but another phrase for doing mean things. Neither husband +nor wife was capable of _screwing_. Had the latter been, certainly +the free-handedness of the former would have driven her to it; but while +Mrs. Raymount would go without a new bonnet till an outcry arose in the +family that its respectability was in danger, she could not offer two +shillings a day to a sempstress who thought herself worth half-a-crown; +she could not allow a dish to be set on her table which was not as +likely to encourage hunger as allay it; neither because some richer +neighbors gave so little, would she take to herself the spiritual fare +provided in church without making a liberal acknowledgment in carnal +things. The result of this way of life was the deplorable one that Mr. +Raymount was compelled to rouse himself, and, from the chair of a +somewhat self-indulgent reader of many books, betake himself to his +study-table, to prove whether it were not possible for him to become the +writer of such as might add to an income showing scantier every quarter. +Here we may see the natural punishment of liberal habits; for this man +indulging in them, and, instead of checking them in his wife, loving her +the more that she indulged in them also, was for this reason condemned +to labor--the worst evil of life in the judgment of both the man about +Mayfair and the tramp of the casual ward. But there are others who dare +not count that labor an evil which helps to bring out the best elements +of human nature, not even when the necessity for it outlasts any impulse +towards it, and who remember the words of the Lord: "My Father worketh +hitherto, and I work." + +For Gerald Raymount, it made a man of him--which he is not who is of no +service to his generation. Doubtless he was driven thereto by necessity; +but the question is not whether a man works upon more or less +compulsion, but whether the work he is thus taught to do he makes good +honest work for which the world is so much the better. In this matter of +work there are many first that shall be last. The work of a baker for +instance must stand higher in the judgment of the universe than that of +a brewer, let his ale be ever so good. Because the one trade brings more +money than the other the judgment of this world counts it more +honorable, but there is the other judgment at hand. + +In the exercise of his calling Raymount was compelled to think more +carefully than before, and thus not only his mind took a fresh start, +but his moral and spiritual nature as well. He slid more and more into +writing out the necessities and experiences of his own heart and +history, and so by degrees gained power of the only true kind--that, +namely, of rousing the will, not merely the passions, or even the +aspirations of men. The poetry in which he had disported himself at +college now came to the service of his prose, and the deeper poetic +nature, which is the prophetic in every man, awoke in him. Till after +they had lived together a good many years the wife did not know the +worth of the man she had married, nor indeed was he half the worth when +she married him that he had now grown to be. The longer they lived the +prouder she grew of him and of his work; nor was she the less the +practical wisdom of the house that she looked upon her husband as a +great man. He was not a great man--only a growing man; yet was she +nothing the worse for thinking so highly of him; the object of it was +not such that her admiration caused her to deteriorate. + +The daughter of a London barrister, of what is called a good family, she +had opportunity of knowing something of what is called life before she +married, and from mere dissatisfaction had early begun to withdraw from +the show and self-assertion of social life, and seek within herself the +door of that quiet chamber whose existence is unknown to most. For a +time she found thus a measure of quiet--not worthy of the name of rest; +she had not heeded a certain low knocking as of one who would enter and +share it with her; but now for a long time he who thus knocked had been +her companion in the chamber whose walls are the infinite. Why is it +that men and women will welcome any tale of love, devotion, and +sacrifice from one to another of themselves, but turn from the least +hint at the existence of a perfect love at the root of it all? With such +a message to them, a man is a maundering prophet. Is it not that their +natures are yet so far from the ideal, the natural, the true, that the +words of the prophet rouse in them no vision, no poorest perception of +spiritual fact? + +Helen Raymount was now a little woman of fifty, clothed in a sweet +dignity, from which the contrast she disliked between her plentiful gray +hair, and her great, clear, dark eyes, took nothing; it was an +opposition without discord. She had but the two daughters and two sons +already introduced, of whom Hester was the eldest. + +Wise as was the mother, and far-seeing as was the father, they had made +the mistake common to all but the wisest parents, of putting off to a +period more or less too late the moment of beginning to teach their +children obedience. If this be not commenced at the first possible +moment, there is no better reason why it should be begun at any other, +except that it will be the harder every hour it is postponed. The +spiritual loss and injury caused to the child by their waiting till they +fancy him fit to reason with, is immense; yet there is nothing in which +parents are more stupid and cowardly, if not stiff-necked, than this. I +do not speak of those mere animal parents, whose lasting influence over +their progeny is not a thing to be greatly desired, but of those who, +having a conscience, yet avoid this part of their duty in a manner of +which a good motherly cat would be ashamed. To one who has learned of +all things to desire deliverance from himself, a nursery in which the +children are humored and scolded and punished instead of being taught +obedience, looks like a moral slaughter-house. + +The dawn of reason will doubtless help to develop obedience; but +obedience is yet more necessary to the development of reason. To require +of a child only what he can understand the reason of, is simply to help +him to make himself his own God--that is a devil. That some seem so +little injured by their bad training is no argument in presence of the +many in whom one can read as in a book the consequences of their +parents' foolishness. + +Cornelius was a youth of good abilities, and with a few good qualities. +Naturally kind-hearted, yet full of self and its poor importance, he had +an admiration of certain easy and showy virtues. He was himself not +incapable of an unthinking generosity; felt pity for picturesque +suffering; was tempted to kindness by the prospect of a responsive +devotion. Unable to bear the sight of suffering, he was yet careless of +causing it where he would not see it; incapable of thwarting himself, he +was full of weak indignation at being thwarted; supremely conceited, he +had yet a regard for the habits and judgments of men of a certain stamp +which towards a great man would have been veneration, and would have +elevated his being. But the sole essentials of life as yet discovered by +Cornelius were a good carriage, good manners, self-confidence, and +seeming carelessness in spending. That the spender was greedy after the +money he yet scorned to work for, made no important difference in +Cornelius's estimate of him. In a word, he fashioned a fine +gentleman-god in his foolish brain, and then fell down and worshipped +him with what worship was possible between them. To all home-excellence +he was so far blind that he looked down upon it; the opinion of father +or mother, though they had reared such a son as himself, was not to be +compared in authority with that of Reginald Vavasor, who, though so poor +as to be one of his fellow-clerks, was heir apparent to an earldom. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +THE MAGIC LANTERN. + + +Cornelius, leaving his mother, took refuge with his anger in his own +room. Although he had occupied it but a fortnight the top of its chest +of drawers was covered with yellow novels--the sole kind of literature +for which Cornelius cared. Of this he read largely, if indeed his mode +of swallowing could be called reading; his father would have got more +pleasure out of the poorest of them than Cornelius could from a dozen. +And now in this day's dreariness, he had not one left unread, and was +too lazy or effeminate or prudent to encounter the wind and rain that +beset the path betwixt him and the nearest bookshop. None of his +father's books had any attraction for him. Neither science, philosophy, +history, nor poetry held for him any interest. A drearier soul in a +drearier setting could hardly be imagined than the soul of this youth in +that day's weather at Burcliff. + +Does a reader remark, "Well, wherein was the poor fellow to blame? No +man can make himself like this or like that! The thing that is a passion +to one is a bore to another! Some with both ear and voice have no love +for music. Most exquisite of sonatas would not to them make up for a +game of billiards! They cannot help it: they are made so"?--I answer, It +is true no one can by an effort of the will care for this or that; but +where a man cares for nothing that is worth caring for, the fault must +lie, not in the nature God made, but in the character the man himself +has made and is making. There is a moral reason why he does not and +cannot care. If Cornelius had begun at any time, without other +compulsion than the urging within him, to do something he knew he ought +to do, he would not now have been the poor slave of circumstances he +was--at the call and beck of the weather--such, in fact, as the weather +willed. When men face a duty, not merely will that duty become at once +less unpleasant to them, but life itself will _immediately_ begin +to gather interest; for in duty, and in duty only, does the individual +begin to come into real contact with life; therein only can he see what +life is, and grow fit for it. + +He threw himself on his bed--for he dared not smoke where his father +was--and dozed away the hours till lunch, then returned and dozed again, +with more success, till tea time. This was his only resource against the +unpleasantness of the day. The others were nowise particularly weighed +down by it, and the less that Cornelius was so little in the room, +haunting the window with his hands in his pockets. + +When tea was over, he rose and sauntered once more to the window, the +only outlook he ever frequented. + +"Hullo!" he cried, turning from it quickly. "I say, Hester! here's a +lark! the sun's shining as if his grandmother had but just taught him +how! The rain's over, I declare--at least for a quarter of an hour! +Come, let's have a walk. We'll go and hear the band in the +castle-gardens. I don't think there's any thing going on at the theatre, +else I would take you there." + +The sight of the sun revives both men and midges. + +"I would rather walk," said Hester. "It is seldom one sees good acting +in the provinces. At best there is but one star. I prefer a jewel to a +gem, and a decent play to a fine part." + +"Hester," said Cornelius with reproof, "I believe you think it a fine +thing to be hard to please! I know a fellow that calls it a kind of +suicide. To allow a spot to spoil your pleasure in a beauty is to be too +fond of perfection." + +"No, Corney," answered his sister, "that is hardly my position. What I +would say is rather, that one point of excellence is not enough to make +a whole beautiful--a face, or a play--or a character." + +Hester had a rather severe mode of speaking, especially to this brother, +which, if it had an end, failed of it. She was the only person in the +house who could ever have done any thing with him, and she lost her +advantage--let me use a figure--by shouting to him from a distance, +instead of coming close up to him and speaking in a whisper. But for +that she did not love him enough, neither was she yet calm enough in +herself to be able for it. I doubt much, however, if he would have been +in any degree permanently the better for the best she could have done +for him. He was too self-satisfied for any redemption. He was afraid of +his father, resented the interference of his mother, was as cross as he +pleased with his sister, and cared little whether she was vexed with him +or not. And he regarded the opinion of any girl, just because she was a +girl, too little to imagine any reflection on himself in the remark she +had just made. + +While they talked he had been watching the clouds. + +"Do go, Hester," he said. "I give you my word it will be a fine +evening." + +She went to put on her hat and cloak, and presently they were in the +street. + +It was one of those misty clearings in which sometimes the day seems to +gather up his careless skirts, that have been sweeping the patient, +half-drowned world, as he draws nigh the threshold of the waiting night. +There was a great lump of orange color half melted up in the watery +clouds of the west, but all was dreary and scarce consolable, up to the +clear spaces above, stung with the steely stars that began to peep out +of the blue hope of heaven. Thither Hester kept casting up her eyes as +they walked, or rather somehow her eyes kept travelling thitherward of +themselves, as if indeed they had to do with things up there. And the +child that cries for the moon is wiser than the man who looks upon the +heavens as a mere accident of the earth, with which none but +_unpractical_ men concern themselves. + +But as she walked gazing at "an azure disc, shield of tranquility," over +her head, she set her foot down unevenly, and gave her ankle a wrench. +She could not help uttering a little cry. + +"There now, Hester!" said Cornelius, pulling her up like a horse that +stumbled, "that's what you get by your star-gazing! You are always +coming to grief by looking higher than your head!" + +"Oh, please, stop a minute, Corney," returned Hester, for the fellow +would have walked on as if nothing had happened. "My ankle hurts so!" + +"I didn't know it was so bad as that!" he answered stopping. "There! +take my arm." + +"Now I can go on again," she said, after a few moments of silent +endurance. "How stupid of me!--on a plain asphalt pavement!" + +He might have excused her with the remark that just on such was an +accidental inequality the more dangerous. + +"What bright, particular star were you worshipping now?" he asked +scoffingly. + +"What do you mean by that?" she rejoined in a tone affected by her +suffering, which thence, from his lack of sympathy, he took for one of +crossness. + +"You know quite well," he answered roughly, "that you are always +worshipping some paragon or other--for a while, till you get tired of +her, and then throw her away for another!" + +Hester was hurt and made no answer. + +There was some apparent ground for the accusation. She was ready to +think extravagantly of any new acquaintances that pleased her. Frank and +true and generous, it was but natural she should read others by herself; +just as those in whom is meanness or guile cannot help attributing the +same to the simplest. Nor was the result unnatural either, namely, that, +when a brief intercourse had sufficed to reveal a nature on the common +level, it sufficed also to chill the feeling that had rushed to the +surface to welcome a friend, and send the new-found floating far away on +the swift ebb of disappointment. Any whom she treats thus, called her, +of course, fitful and changeable, whereas it was in truth the +unchangeableness of her ideal and her faithfulness to it that exposed +her to blame. She was so true, so much in earnest, and, although gentle, +had so little softness to drape the sterner outlines of her character +that she was looked upon with dislike by not a few of her acquaintance. + +"That again comes of looking too high, and judging with precipitation," +resumed Cornelius, urged from within to be unpleasant--and the rather +that she did not reply. + +He was always ready to criticise, and it was so much the easier for him +that he had not the least bent towards self-criticism. For the latter +supposes some degree of truth in the inward parts, and that is +obstructive to the indulgence of the former tendency. As to himself, he +would be hand and glove at a moment's notice with any man who looked a +gentleman, and made himself agreeable; nor whatever he might find him to +be, was he, so long as the man was not looked down upon by others, the +least inclined to avoid his company because of moral shadiness. "A man +can take care of himself!" he would say. + +Hester stopped again. + +"Corney," she said, "my ankle feels so weak! I am walking in terror of +twisting it again. You must let me stand a bit. I shall be all right in +a minute." + +"I'm very sorry," rejoined her brother disagreeably. "We must take the +first fly we meet, and go home again. It's just my luck! I thought we +were going to have some fun!" + +They stood silent, she looking nowhere, and he staring now in this +direction, now in that. "Hullo! what's this?" he cried, his gaze fixing +on a large building opposite. "The Pilgrim's Progress! The Rake's +Progress! Ha! ha! As edifying as amusing, no doubt! I suppose the +Pilgrim and the Rake are contrasted with each other. But how, I wonder! +Is it a lecture or a magic lantern? Both, I dare say! Let's go in and +see! I can't read any more of the bill. We may at least sit there till +your ankle is better. 'Admission--front seats sixpence.' Come along. We +may get a good laugh, who knows?--a thing cheap at any price--for our +sixpence!" + +"I don't mind," said Hester, and they crossed the road. + +It was a large, dingy, dirty, water-stained and somewhat dilapidated +hall to which the stone stair, ascending immediately from the door, led +them; and it would have looked considerably worse but for the obscurity +belonging to the nature of the entertainment, through which it took some +pains to discover the twenty-five or thirty people that formed the +company present. It was indeed a dim, but not therefore, a very +religious light that pervaded rather than overcame the gloom, issuing +chiefly from the crude and discordant colors of a luminous picture on a +great screen at the farther end of the hall. There an ill-proportioned +figure, presenting, although his burden was of course gone some time, a +still very humpy Christian, was shown extended on the ground, with his +sword a yard beyond his reach, and Apollyon straddling across the whole +breadth of the way, and taking him in the stride. But that huge stride +was the fiend's sole expression of vigor; for, although he held a +flaming dart ready to strike the poor man dead, his own dragon +countenance was so feebly demoniacal that it seemed unlikely he would +have the heart to drive it home. The lantern from which proceeded the +picture, was managed by a hidden operator, evidently from his voice, +occasionally overheard, a mere boy; and an old man, like a broken-down +clergyman, whose dirty white neckcloth seemed adjusted on a secret +understanding of moral obliquity, its knot suggesting a gradual approach +to the last position a knot on the neck can assume, kept walking up and +down the parti-colored gloom, flaunting a pretense of lecture on the +scenes presented. Whether he was a little drunk or greatly in his +dotage, it was impossible to determine without a nearer acquaintance. If +I venture to give a specimen of his mode of lecturing, it will be seen +that a few lingering rags of scholastic acquirement, yet fluttered about +the poor fellow. + +"Here you behold the terrible battle between Christian--or was it +Faithful?--I used to know, but trouble has played old Hookey with my +memory. It's all here, you know"--and he tapped the bald table-land of +his head--"but somehow it ain't handy as it used! In the morning it +flourisheth and groweth up: in the evening it is cut down and withereth. +Man that is in honor and abideth not, is like the beast that +perisheth--but there's Christian and Apollyon, right afore you, and +better him than me. When I was a young one, and that wasn't yesterday, I +used to think, but that was before I could read, that Apollyon was one +and the same with Bonaparty--Nappoleon, you know. And I wasn't just so +far wrong neither, as I shall readily prove to those of my distinguished +audience who have been to college like myself, and learned to read Greek +like their mother tongue. For what is the very name Apollyon, but an +occult prophecy concerning the great conqueror of Europe! nothing can be +plainer! Of course the first letter, N, stands for nothing--a mere veil +to cover the prophecy till the time of revealing. In all languages it is +the sign of negation--_no_, and _none_, and _never_, and _nothing_; +therefore cast it away as the nothing it is. Then what have you left but +_apoleon_! Throw away another letter, and what have you but _poleon_! +Throw away letter after letter, and what do you get but words--_Napoleon, +apoleon, poleon, oleon, leon, eon_, or, if you like, _on_! Now these +are all Greek words--and what, pray, do they mean? I will give you a +literal translation, and I challenge any Greek scholar who may be here +present to set me right, that is, to show me wrong: Napoleon the destroyer +of cities, being a destroying lion! Now I should like to know a more +sure word of prophecy than that! Would any one in the company oblige +me? I take that now for an incontrovertible"--he stammered over this +word--"proof of the truth of the Bible. But I am wandering from my +subject, which error, I pray you, ladies and gentlemen, to excuse, for +I am no longer what I was in the prime of youth's rosy morn--come, I +must get on! Change the slide, boy; I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. +I want to get home and go to bed." + +He maundered on in this way, uttering even worse nonsense than I have +set down, and mingling with it soiled and dusty commonplaces of +religion, every now and then dwelling for a moment or two upon his own +mental and physical declension from the admirable being he once was. He +reached the height of his absurdity in describing the resistance of the +two pilgrims to the manifold temptations of Vanity Fair, which he so set +forth as to take from Christian and Faithful the smallest possible +appearance of merit in turning their backs upon them. + +Cornelius was in fits of laughter, which he scarcely tried to choke. +When the dreary old soul drew near where he sat, smelling abominably of +strong drink, the only thing that kept his merriment within bounds was +the dread that the man might address him personally, and so draw upon +him the attention of the audience. + +Very different was the mood of Hester. To the astonishment of Cornelius, +when at last they rose to go, there were tears in her eyes. The misery +of the whole thing was too dreadful to her! The lantern itself must, she +thought, have been made when the invention was in its infancy, and its +pictured slides seemed the remnants of various outworn series. Those of +the Rake's Progress were something too hideous and lamentable to be +dwelt upon. And the ruinous, wretched old man did not merely seem to +have taken to this as a last effort, but to have in his dotage turned +back upon his life course, and resumed a half-forgotten trade--or +perhaps only an accomplishment of which he had made use for the benefit +of his people when he was a clergyman--to find that the faculty for it +he once had, and on which he had reckoned to carry him through, had +abandoned him. Worst of all to the heart of Hester was the fact that so +few people were present, many of them children at half-price, some of +whom seemed far from satisfied with the amusement offered them. When the +hall and the gas--but that would not be much--and the advertising were +paid for, what would the poor old scrag-end of humanity, with his +yellow-white neckcloth knotted hard under his left ear, have over for +his supper? Was there any woman to look after him? and would she give +him anything fit to eat? Hester was all but crying to think she could do +nothing for him--that he was so far from her and beyond her help, when +she remembered the fat woman with curls hanging down her cheeks, who had +taken their money at the door. Apparently she was his wife--and seemed +to thrive upon it! But alas for the misery of the whole thing! + +When they came out and breathed again the blue, clean, rain-washed air +instead of the musty smells of the hall, involuntarily Hester's eyes +rose to the vault whose only keystone is the will of the Father, whose +endless space alone is large enough to picture the heart of God: how was +that old man to get up into the high regions and grow clean and wise? +For all the look, he must belong there as well as she! And were there +not thousands equally and more miserable in the world--people wrapped in +no tenderness, to whom none ministered, left if not driven--so it seemed +at the moment to Hester--to fold themselves in their own selfishness? +And was there nothing she, a favored one of the family, could do to +help, to comfort, to lift up one such of her own flesh and blood?--to +rescue a heart from the misery of hopelessness?--to make this one or +that feel there was a heart of love and refuge at the centre of things? +Hester had a large, though not hitherto entirely active aspiration in +her; and now, the moment she began to flutter her weak wings, she found +the whole human family hanging upon her, and that she could not rise +except in raising them along with her. For the necessities of our +deepest nature are such as not to admit of a mere private individual +satisfaction. I well remember feeling as a child that I did not care for +God to love me if he did not love everybody: the kind of love I needed +was love essential to my nature--the love of me, a man, not of me a +person--the love therefore that all men needed, the love that belonged +to their nature as the children of the Father, a love he could not give +me except he gave it to all men. + +But this was not the beginning of Hester's enthusiasm for her kind--only +a crystallizing shock it received. + +Nor was it likely to be the less powerful in the end that now at the age +of three and twenty she had but little to show for it. She was one of +the strong ones that grow slowly; and she had now for some years been +cherishing an idea, and working for its realization, which every sight +and sound of misery tended to quicken and strengthen. + +"There you are again," said Cornelius--"star-gazing as usual! You'll be +spraining your other ankle presently!" + +"I had forgotten all about my ankle, Corney dear," returned Hester, +softened by her sorrowful sympathy; "but I will be careful." + +"You had better. Well, I think between us we had the worth of our +shilling! Did you ever see such a ridiculous old bloke!" + +"I wish you would not use that word, Corney," said Hester, letting her +displeasure fall on the word, where she knew the feeling was entrenched +beyond assault. + +"What's the matter with the word? It is the most respectable old +Anglo-Saxon." + +Hester said no more, but heaved an inward sigh. Of what consequence were +the words her brother used, so long as he recognized no dignity in life, +never set himself _to be!_ Why should any one be taught to behave +like a gentleman, so long as he is no gentleman? + +Cornelius burst out laughing. + +"To think of those muffs going through the river--sliding along the +bottom, and spreading out their feelers above the water, like two +rearing lobsters! And the angels waiting for them on the bank like +laundresses with their clean shirts! Ha! ha! ha!" + +"They seemed to me," answered Hester, "very much like the men, and +angels too, in that old edition of the Pilgrim papa thinks so much of. I +couldn't for my part, absurd as they were, help feeling a certain pathos +in the figures and faces." + +"That came of the fine interpretation the old--hm!--codger gave of their +actions and movements!" + +"It may have come of the pitiful feeling the whole affair gave me--I +cannot tell," said Hester. "That old man made me very sad." + +"Now you do strand me, Hester!" replied her brother. "How you could see +anything pathetic, or pitiful as you call it, in that disreputable old +humbug, I can't even imagine. A more ludicrous specimen of tumble-down +humanity it would be impossible to find! A drunken old thief--I'll lay +you any thing! Catch me leaving a sov where he could spy the shine of +it!" + +"And don't you count that pitiful, Cornelius? Can you see one of your +own kind, with heart and head and hands like your own, so +self-abandoned, so low, so hopeless, and feel no pity for him? Didn't +you hear him say to himself as he passed you, 'Come, let's get on! I'm +sick of it. I don't know what I'm talking about.' He seemed actually to +despise himself!" + +"What better or more just could he do? But never you mind: _he's_ +all right! Don't you trouble your head about _him_. You should see +him when he gets home! He'll have his hot supper and his hot tumbler, +don't you fear! Swear he will too, and fluently, if it's not waiting +him!" + +"Now that seems to me the most pitiful of all," returned Hester, and was +on the point of adding, "That is just the kind of pity I feel for you, +Corney," but checked herself. "Is it not most pitiful to see a human +being, made in the image of God, sunk so low?" she said. + +"It's his own doing," returned Cornelius. + +"And is not that yet the lowest and worst of it all? If he could not +help it, and therefore was not to blame, it would be sad enough; but to +be such, and be to blame for being such, seems to me misery upon misery +unbearable." + +"There I don't agree with you--not at all! So long as a fellow has fair +play, and nothing happens to him but what he brings upon himself, I +don't see what he has to complain of." + +"But that is not the question," interrupted Hester. "It is not whether +he has anything to complain of, but whether he has anything to be pitied +for. I don't know what I wouldn't do to make that old man clean and +comfortable!" + +Cornelius again burst into a great laugh. No man was anything to him +merely because he was a man. + +"A highly interesting protege you would have!" he said; "and no doubt +your friends would congratulate you when you presented him! But for my +part I don't see the least occasion to trouble your head about such +riffraff. Every manufacture has its waste, and he's human waste. There's +misery enough in the world without looking out for it, and taking other +people's upon our shoulders. You remember what one of the fellows in the +magic lantern said: 'Every tub must stand on its own bottom'!" + +Hester held her peace. That her own brother's one mode of relieving the +suffering in the world should be to avoid as much as possible adding to +his own, was to her sisterly heart humiliating. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +HESTER ALONE. + + +When the family separated for the night and Hester reached her room, she +sat down and fell a thinking, not more earnestly but more continuously. + +She was one of those women--not few in number, I have good reason to +think, though doubtless few comparatively, who from the first dawn of +consciousness have all their lives endeavored, with varying success, +with frequent failure of strength, and occasional brief collapse of +effort, to do the right thing. Therein she had but followed in the +footsteps of her mother, who, though not so cultivated as she, walked no +less steady in the true path of humanity. But the very earnestness of +Hester's endeavor along with the small reason she found for considering +it successful; the frequent irritation with herself because of failure; +and the impossibility of satisfying the hard master Self, who, while he +flatters some, requires of others more than they can give--all tended to +make her less evenly sympathetic with those about her than her heart's +theory demanded. Willing to lay down her life for them, a matchless +nurse in sickness, and in trouble revealing a tenderness perfectly +lovely, she was yet not the one to whom first either of the children was +ready to flee with hurt or sorrow: she was not yet all human, because +she was not yet at home with the divine. + +Thousands that are capable of great sacrifices are yet not capable of +the little ones which are all that are required of them. God seems to +take pleasure in working by degrees; the progress of the truth is as the +permeation of leaven, or the growth of a seed: a multitude of successive +small sacrifices may work more good in the world than many a large one. +What would even our Lord's death on the cross have been, except as the +crown of a life in which he died daily, giving himself, soul, body and +spirit, to his men and women? It is the _Being_ that is the +precious thing. Being is the mother to all little Doings as well as the +grown-up Deeds and the mighty heroic Sacrifice; and these little Doings, +like the good children of the house, make the bliss of it. Hester had +not had time, neither had she prayed enough to _be_ quite yet, +though she was growing well towards it. She was a good way up the hill, +and the Lord was coming down to meet her, but they had not quite met +yet, so as to go up the rest of the way together. + +In religious politics, Hester was what is called a good churchwoman, +which in truth means a good deal of a sectarian. She not merely recoiled +from such as venerated the more primitive modes of church-government +rather than those of later expediency, and preferred far inferior +extempore prayers to the best possible prayers in print, going therefore +to some chapel instead of the church, but she looked down upon them as +from a superior social standing--that is, with the judgment of this +world, and not that of Christ the carpenter's son. In short, she had a +repugnance to the whole race of dissenters, and would not have soiled +her dress with the dust of one of their school-rooms even. She regarded +her own conscience as her Lord, but had not therefore any respect for +that of another man where it differed from her in the direction of what +she counted vulgarity. So she was scarcely in the kingdom of heaven yet, +any more than thousands who regard themselves as choice Christians. I do +not say these feelings were very active in her, for little occurred to +call them out; but she did not love her dissenting neighbor, and felt +good and condescending when, brought into contact with one, she behaved +kindly to him. + +I well know that some of my readers will heartily approve of her in this +very thing, and that not a few _good dissenters_ on the other hand, +who are equally and in precisely the same way sectarians, that is bad +Christians, will scorn her for it; but for my part I would rather cut +off my right hand than be so cased and stayed in a narrow garment of +pride and satisfaction, condemned to keep company with myself instead of +the Master as he goes everywhere--into the poorest companies of them +that love each other, and so invite his presence. + +The Lord of truth and beauty has died for us: shall we who, by haunting +what we call his courts, have had our sense of beauty, our joy in grace +tenfold exalted, gather around us, in the presence of those we count +less refined than ourselves, skirts trimmed with the phylacteries of the +world's law, turning up the Pharisaical nose, and forgetting both what +painful facts self-criticism has revealed to ourselves, and the eyes +upon us of the yet more delicate refinement and the yet gentle breeding +of the high countries? May these not see in us some malgrace which it +needs the gentleness of Christ to get over and forget, some savagery of +which we are not aware, some _gaucherie_ that repels though it +cannot estrange them? Casting from us our own faults first, let us cast +from us and from him our neighbor's also. O gentle man, the common man +is yet thy brother, and thy gentleness should make him great, infecting +him with thy humility, not rousing in him the echo of a vile unheavenly +scorn. Wilt thou, with thy lofty condescension, more intrinsically +vulgar than even his ugly self-assertion, give him cause too good to +hate thy refinement? It is not thy refinement makes thee despise him; it +is thy own vulgarity; and if we dare not search ourselves close enough +to discover the low breeding, the bad blood in us, it will one day come +out plain as the smitten brand of the _forcat_. + +That Hester had a tendency to high church had little or nothing to do +with the matter. Such exclusiveness is simply a form of that pride, +justify or explain it as you will, which found its fullest embodiment in +the Jewish Pharisee--the evil thing that Christ came to burn up with his +lovely fire, and which yet so many of us who call ourselves by his name +keep hugging to our bosoms--I mean the pride that says, "I am better +than thou." If these or those be in any true sense below us, it is of +Satan to despise--of Christ to stoop and lay hold of and lift the sister +soul up nearer to the heart of the divine tenderness. + +But this tenderness, which has its roots in every human heart, had +larger roots in the heart of Hester than in most. Whatever her failings, +whatever ugly weeds grew in the neglected corners of her nature, the +moment she came in contact with any of her kind in whatever condition of +sadness or need, the pent-up love of God--I mean the love that came of +God and was divine in her--would burst its barriers and rush forth, +sometimes almost overwhelming herself in its torrent. She would then be +ready to die, nothing less, to help the poor and miserable. She was not +yet far enough advanced to pity vulgarity in itself--perhaps none but +Christ is able to do that--but she could and did pity greatly its +associated want and misery, nor was repelled from them by their +accompanying degradation. + +The tide of action, in these later years flowing more swiftly in the +hearts of women--whence has resulted so much that is noble, so much that +is paltry, according to the nature of the heart in which it swells--had +been rising in that of Hester also. She must not waste her life! She +must _do_ something! What should it be? Her deep sense of the +misery around her had of course suggested that it must be something in +the way of help. But what form was the help to take? "I have no money!" +she said to herself--for this the last and feeblest of means for the +doing of good is always the first to suggest itself to one who has not +perceived the mind of God in the matter. To me it seems that the first +thing in regard to money is to prevent it from doing harm. The man who +sets out to do good with his fortune is like one who would drive a team +of tigers through the streets of a city, or hunt the fox with cheetahs. +I would think of money as Christ thought of it, not otherwise; for no +other way is true, however it may recommend itself to good men; and +neither Christ nor his apostles did anything by means of money; nay, he +who would join them in their labors had to abandon his _fortune_. + +This evening, then, the thought of the vulgar, miserable, ruinous old +man, with his wretched magic lantern, kept haunting Hester, and made her +very pitiful; and naturally, starting from him, her thoughts went +wandering abroad over the universe of misery. For was not the world full +of men and women who groaned, not merely under poverty and cruelty, +weakness and sickness, but under dullness and stupidity, hugged in the +paralyzing arms of that devil-fish, The Commonplace, or held fast to the +rocks by the crab Custom, while the tide of moral indifference was fast +rising to choke them? Was there no prophet, no redemption, no mediator +for such as these? Were there not thousands of women, born with a +trembling impulse towards the true and lovely, in whom it was withering +for lack of nurture, and they themselves continuously massing into +common clay, a summer-fall of human flowers off the branches of hope and +aspiration? How many young wives, especially linked to the husbands of +their choice, and by this very means disenchanted, as they themselves +would call it, were doomed to look no more upon life as the antechamber +of the infinite, but as the counting-house of the king of the +nursery-ballad, where you may, if you can, eat bread and honey, but +where you _must_ count your money! At the windows of the husband-house +no more looks out the lover but the man of business, who takes his life +to consist in the abundance of the things he possesses! He must make money +for his children!--and would make money if he had nor chick nor child. +Could she do nothing for such wives at least? The man who by honest means +made people laugh, sent a fire-headed arrow into the ranks of the +beleaguering enemy of his race; he who beguiled from another a genuine +tear, made heavenly wind visit his heart with a cool odor of paradise! +What was there for her to do? + +But possibly Hester might neither have begun nor gone on thinking thus, +had it not been for a sense of power within her springing from, or at +least associated with, a certain special gift which she had all her +life, under the faithful care of her mother, been cultivating. Endowed +with a passion for music--what is a true passion but a heavenly +hunger?--which she indulged; relieved, strengthened, nor ever sated, by +a continuous study of both theoretical and practical music, she +approached both piano and organ with eager yet withholding foot, each as +a great and effectual door ready to open into regions of delight. But +she was gifted also with a fine contralto voice, of exceptional scope +and flexibility, whose capacity of being educated into an organ of +expression was not thrown away upon one who had a world inside her to +express--doubtless as yet not a little chaotic, but in process of +assuming form that might demand utterance; and this angelic instrument +had for some years been under careful training. And now this night came +to Hester, if not for the first time, yet more clearly than ever before, +the thought whether she might not in some way make use of this her one +gift for the service she desired--for the comfort, that was, and the +uplifting of humanity, especially such humanity as had sunk below even +its individual level. Thus instinctively she sought relief from +sympathetic pain in the alleviation and removal of its cause. + +But pity and instinctive recoil from pain were by no means all the +elements of the impulse moving Hester in this direction. An honest and +active mind such as hers could not have carried her so often to church +and for so long a time, whatever might be the nature of the direct +teaching she there received, without gaining some glimpses of the +mightiest truth of our being, that we belong to God in actual fact of +spiritual property and profoundest relationship. She had much to learn +in this direction yet--as who has not who is ages in advance of +life?--but this night came back to her, as it had often already +returned, the memory of a sermon she had heard some twelve months before +on the text, "Glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are +God's." It was a dull enough sermon, yet not so dull but it enabled her +to supply in some degree its own lack; and when she went out of the dark +church into the sunshine,--and heard the birds singing as if they knew +without any St. Francis to tell them that their bodies and their spirits +were God's, a sense awoke in her such as she had not had before, that +the grand voice lying like an unborn angel in the chest and throat of +her, belonged not to herself but to God, and must be used in some way +for the working of his will in the world which as well as the voice he +had made. She had no real notion yet of what is meant by the glory of +God. She had not quite learned that simplest of high truths that the +glory of God is the beauty of Christ's face. She had a lingering idea--a +hideously frightful one, though its vagueness kept it in great measure +from injuring her--that the One only good, the One only unselfish +thought a great deal of himself, and looked strictly after his rights in +the way of homage. Hence she thought first of devoting the splendor and +richness of her voice to swell the song of some church-choir. With her +notion of God and of her relation to him, how could she yet have escaped +the poor pagan fancy--good for a pagan, but beggarly for a Christian, +that church and its goings-on are a serving of God? She had not begun to +ask how these were to do God any good--or if my reader objects to the +phrase, I will use a common one saying the same thing--how these were to +do anything for God. She had not begun to see that God is the one great +servant of all, and that the only way to serve him is to be a +fellow-servant with him--to be, say, a nurse in his nursery, and tend +this or that lonely, this or that rickety child of his. She had not yet +come to see that it is as absurd to call song and prayer a serving of +God, as it would be to say the thief on the cross did something for +Christ in consenting to go with him to paradise. But now some dim +perception of this truth began to wake in her. Vaguely she began to feel +that perhaps God had given her this voice and this marriage of delight +and power in music and song for some reason like that for which he had +made the birds the poets of the animal world: what if her part also +should be to drive dull care away? what if she too were intended to be a +door-keeper in the house of God, and open or keep open windows in heaven +that the air of the high places might reach the low swampy ground? If +while she sang, her soul mounted on the wings of her song till it +fluttered against the latticed doors of heaven as a bird flutters +against the wires of its cage; if also God has made of one blood all +nations of men--why, then, surely her song was capable of more than +carrying merely herself up into the regions of delight! Nay more, might +there not from her throat go forth a trumpet-cry of truth among such as +could hear and respond to the cry? Then, when the humblest servant +should receive the reward of his well-doing, she would not be left +outside, but enter into the joy of her Lord. How specially such work +might be done by her she did not yet see, but the truth had drawn nigh +her that, to serve God in any true sense, we must serve him where he +needs service--among his children lying in the heart of lack, in sin and +pain and sorrow; and she saw that, if she was to serve at all, it must +be with her best, with her special equipment. + +I need not follow the gradations, unmarked of herself, by which she at +length came to a sort of conclusion: the immediate practical result was, +that she gave herself more than ever to the cultivation of her gift, +seeing in the distance the possibility of her becoming, in one mode or +another, or in all modes perhaps together, a songstress to her +generation. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +TRULY THE LIGHT IS SWEET. + + +The cry of the human heart in all ages and in every moment is, "Where is +God and how shall I find him?"--No, friend, I will not accept your +testimony to the contrary--not though you may be as well fitted as ever +one of eight hundred millions to come forward with it. You take it for +granted that you know your own heart because you call it yours, but I +say that your heart is a far deeper thing than you know or are capable +of knowing. Its very nature is hid from you. I use but a poor figure +when I say that the roots of your heart go down beyond your +knowledge--whole eternities beyond it--into the heart of God. If you +have never yet made one discovery in your heart, your testimony +concerning it is not worth a tuft of flue; and if you have made +discoveries in it, does not the fact reveal that it is but little known +to you, and that there must be discoveries innumerable yet to be made in +it? To him who has been making discoveries in it for fifty years, the +depths of his heart are yet a mystery--a mystery, however, peopled with +loveliest hopes. I repeat whether the man knows it or not, his heart in +its depths is ever crying out for God. + +Where the man does not know it, it is because the unfaithful Self, a +would-be monarch, has usurped the consciousness; the demon-man is +uppermost, not Christ-man; he is down in the crying heart, and the +demon-man--that is the self that worships itself--is trampling on the +heart and smothering it up in the rubbish of ambitions, lusts, and +cares. If ever its cry reaches that Self, it calls it childish folly, +and tramples the harder. It does not know that a child crying on God is +mightier than a warrior dwelling in steel. + +If we had none but fine weather, the demon-Self would be too much for +the divine-Self, and would always keep it down; but bad weather, +misfortune, ill-luck, adversity, or whatever name but punishment or the +love of God men may call it, sides with the Christ-self down below, and +helps to make its voice heard. On the other hand if we had nothing but +bad weather, the hope of those in whom the divine Self is slowly rising +would grow too faint; while those in whom the bad weather had not yet +begun to work good would settle down into weak, hopeless rebellion. +Without hope can any man repent? + +To the people at Burcliff came at length a lovely morning, with sky and +air like the face of a repentant child--a child who has repented so +thoroughly that the sin has passed from him, and he is no longer even +ashamed. The water seemed dancing in the joy of a new birth, and the +wind, coming and going in gentle conscious organ-like swells, was at it +with them, while the sun kept looking merrily down on the glad commotion +his presence caused. + +"Ah," thought the mother, as she looked from her windows ere she began +to dress for this new live day, "how would it be if the Light at the +heart of the sun were shining thus on the worlds made in his image!" + +She was thinking of her boy, whom perhaps, in all the world, she only +was able to love heartily--there was so little in the personal being of +the lad, that is, in the thing he was to himself, and was making of +himself, to help anyone to love him! But in the absolute mere existence +is reason for love, and upon that God does love--so love, that he will +suffer and cause suffering for the development of that existence into a +thing in its own full nature lovable, namely, an existence in its own +will one with the perfect love whence it issued; and the mother's heart +more than any other God has made is like him in power of loving. Alas +that she is so seldom like him in wisdom--so often thwarting the work of +God, and rendering more severe his measures with her child by her +attempts to shield him from His law, and save him from saving sorrow. +How often from his very infancy--if she does not, like the very nurse +she employs, actively teach him to be selfish--does she get between him +and the right consequences of his conduct, as if with her one feeble +loving hand, she would stay the fly-wheel of the holy universe. It is +the law that the man who does evil shall suffer; it is the only hope for +him, and a hope for the neighbor he wrongs. When he forsakes his evil, +one by one the dogs of suffering will halt and drop away from his track; +and he will find at last they have but hounded him into the land of his +nativity, into the home of his Father in heaven. + +As soon as breakfast was over, the whole family set out for a walk. Mr. +Raymount seldom left the house till after lunch, but even he, who cared +comparatively little for the open air, had grown eager after it. +Streets, hills and sands were swarming with human beings, all drawn out +by the sun. + +"I sometimes wonder," he said, "that so many people require so little to +make them happy. Let but the sun break through the clouds, and he sets +them all going like ants in an ant-hill!" + +"Yes," returned his wife, "but then see how little on the other hand is +required to make them miserable! Let the sun hide his head for a day, +and they grumble!" + +Making the remark, the good woman never thought of her son Cornelius, +the one of her family whose conduct illustrated it. At the moment she +saw him cheerful, and her love looked upon him as good. She was one of +the best of women herself: whatever hour she was called, her lamp was +sure to have oil in it; and yet all the time since first he lay in her +arms, I doubt if she had ever done anything to help the youth to conquer +himself. Now it was too late, even had she known what could be done. But +the others had so far turned out well: why should not this one also? The +moment his bad humors were over, she looked on him as reformed; and when +he uttered worldliness, she persuaded herself he was but jesting. But +alas! she had no adequate notion--not a shadow of one--of the +selfishness of the man-child she had given to the world. This matter of +the black sheep in the white flock is one of the most mysterious of the +facts of spiritual generation. + +Sometimes, indeed, the sheep is by no means so black as to the whiter +ones he seems; perhaps neither are they so much whiter as their friends +and they themselves think; for to be altogether respectable is not to be +clean; and the black sheep may be all the better than some of the rest +that he looks what he is, and does not dye his wool. But on the other +hand he may be a great deal worse than some of his own family think him. + +"Then," said Hester, after a longish pause, "those that need more to +make them happy, are less easily made unhappy?" + +To this question rather than remark, she received no reply. Her father +and mother both felt it not altogether an easy one to answer: it +suggested points requiring consideration. To Cornelius, it was a mere +girl's speech, not worth heeding where the girl was his sister. He +turned up at it a mental nose, the merest of snubs; and well he might, +for he had not the least notion of what it meant or involved. + +As little notion had his father that his son Cornelius was a black +sheep. He was not what the world would have called a black sheep, but +his father, could he have seen into him, would have counted him a very +black sheep indeed--and none the whiter that he recognized in the +blackness certain shades that were of paternal origin. It was, however, +only to the rest of the family that Cornelius showed his blackness: of +his father he was afraid; and that father, being proud of his children, +would have found it hard to believe anything bad of them: like his +faults they were his own! His faith in his children was in no small +measure conceit of that which was his, and blinded him to their faults +as it blinded him to some of his own. The discovery of any serious fault +in one of them would be a sore wound to his vanity, a destruction of his +self-content. + +The co-existence of good and evil in the same person is perhaps the most +puzzling of all facts. What a shock it gives one to hear a woman who +loves God, and spends both time and money on the betterment of her kind, +call a pauper child a _brat_, and see her turn with disgust from +the idea of treating any strange child, more especially one of low +birth, as her own. "O Christ!" cries the heart, "is this one of the +women that follows thee?" And she _is_ one of the women that follow +him--only she needs such a lesson as he gave his disciples through the +Syrophenician woman. + +Mr. Raymount had such an opinion of himself, that while he never +obtruded his opinions upon others, he never imagined them disregarded in +his own family. It never entered his mind that any member of it might in +this or that think differently from himself. But both his wife and +Hester were able to think, and did think for themselves, as they were +bound in the truth of things to do; and there were considerable +divergements of the paths in which they walked from that he had trodden. +He had indeed always taken too much for granted, and ought to have used +more pains to have his notions understood by them, if he laid so much on +their intellectual sympathy. He supposed all the three read what he +wrote; and his wife and daughter did read the most of it; but what would +he think when he came to know that his son not only read next to nothing +of it, but read that little with a contempt not altogether +unconscious--for no other reason than that it was his father who wrote +it? Nor was the youth quite without justification--for was he not +himself a production of his father? But then he looked upon the latter +as one of altogether superior quality! It is indeed strange how vulgar +minds despise the things they have looked upon and their hands have +handled, just because they have looked upon them and their hands have +handled them; is there not in the fact a humiliating lesson, which yet +they are unable to read, of the degrading power of their own presence +upon themselves and their judgments? Whether a man is a hero to his +valet or the opposite, depends as much on the valet as on the man: The +bond, then, between the father and the son, was by no means so strong as +the father thought it. Indeed the selfishness of Cornelius made him +almost look upon his father as his enemy, because of his intentions with +regard to the division of his property. And selfishness rarely fails of +good arguments. Nor can anything destroy it but such a turning of things +upside down as only he that made them can work. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +THE AQUARIUM. + + +"Let's go and see the people at the aquarium," said Cornelius. + +"Do you mean the fishes?" asked his father. + +"No, I don't care about them; I said the people," answered Cornelius +stupidly. + +"The people of an aquarium must surely be fishes, eh, Saffy?" said the +father to the bright child, walking hand in hand with him. It was +Josephine. Her eyes were so blue that but for the association he would +have called her Sapphira. Between the two he contented himself with the +pet name of _Saffy_. + +"Ah but, papa," said Hester, "Corney didn't say the people _of_ the +aquarium, but the people _at_ the aquarium!" + +"Two of you are too many for me!" returned the father playfully. "Well, +then, Saffy, let us go and see the people _of_ and the people +_at_ the aquarium.--Which do you want to see, Hester?" + +"Oh, the fishes of course, papa!" + +"Why of course?" + +"Because they're so much more interesting than the people," said Hester +rebuked in herself as she said it--before she knew why. + +"Fishes more interesting than people!" exclaimed her father. + +"They're so like people, papa!" + +"Oh, then surely the people must be the more interesting after all, if +it is the likeness of the fishes to people that makes them interesting! +Which of all the people you love do you see likest a fish now?" + +"Oh, papa!" + +"What! is it only people you hate that you see like fishes?" + +"I don't hate anybody, papa." + +"There's a way of not caring about people, though--looking down on them +and seeing them like fishes, that's precious like hating them," said +Cornelius, who enjoyed a crowd, and putting his sister in the wrong +still better: to that end he could easily say a sensible thing. + +"If you mean me, Corney, I think you do me injustice," said Hester. "The +worst I do is to look at them the wrong way of the telescope." + +"But why do you never see anyone you love like a fish?" persisted her +father. + +"Perhaps because I could not love anybody that was like a fish." + +"Certainly there is something not beautiful about them!" said Mr. +Raymount. + +"They're beastly ugly," said Cornelius. + +"Let us look into it a little," continued his father. "What is it about +them that is ugly? Their colors are sometimes very beautiful--and their +shapes, too." + +"Their heads and faces," said Hester, "are the only parts of them in +which they can be like human beings, and those are very ugly." + +"I'm not sure that you are right, Hester," said the mother, who had not +spoken till now. "There must surely be something human in their bodies +as well, for now and then I see their ways and motions so like those of +men and women, that I felt for a moment almost as if I understood how +they were feeling, and were just going to know what they were thinking." + +"I suspect," said Mr. Raymount, "your mother's too much of a poet to be +trusted alone in an aquarium. It would have driven Shelley crazy--to +judge from his Sensitive Plant." + +They had now reached the middle of the descent to the mysteries of the +place, when Cornelius, who, with an interest Hester could not understand +in him, and which was partly owing to a mere love of transition, had +been staring at the ascending faces, uttered a cry of recognition, and +darted down to the next landing. With a degree of respect he seldom +manifested they saw him there accost a gentleman leaning over the +balustrade, and shake hands with him. He was several years older than +Cornelius, not a few inches taller, and much better-looking--one indeed +who could hardly fail to attract notice even in a crowd. Corney's +weakest point, next to his heart, was his legs, which perhaps accounted +for his worship of Mr. Vavasor's calves, in themselves nothing +remarkable. He was already glancing stolen looks at these objects of his +jealous admiration when the rest reached the landing, and Mr. Raymount, +willing to know his son's friend, desired Corney to introduce him. + +Cornelius had been now eighteen months in the bank, and had never even +mentioned the name of a fellow clerk. He was one of those youths who +take the only possible way for emptiness to make itself of +consequence--that of concealment and affected mystery. Not even now but +for his father's request, would he have presented his bank friend to him +or any of the family. + +The manners and approach of Mr. Vavasor were such as at once to +recommend him to the friendly reception of all, from Mr. Raymount to +little Saffy, who had the rare charm of being shy without being rude. If +not genial, his manners were yet friendly, and his carriage if not +graceful was easy; both were apt to be abrupt where he was familiar. It +was a kind of company bearing he had, but dashed with indifference, +except where he desired to commend himself. He shook hands with little +Saffy as respectfully as with her mother, but with neither altogether +respectfully; and immediately the pale-faced, cold, loving boy, Mark, +unwillingly, therefore almost unconsciously, disliked him. He was beyond +question handsome, with a Grecian nose nearly perfect, which had its +large part in the aristocratic look he bore. This was favored also by +the simplicity of his dress. He turned with them, and re-descended the +stairs. + +"Why didn't you tell me you were coming, Mr. Vavasor? I could have met +you," said Cornelius, with just a little stretch of the degree of +familiarity in use between them. + +"I didn't know myself till the last minute," answered Vavasor. "It was a +sudden resolve of my aunt's. Neither had I the remotest idea you were +here." + +"Have you been seeing the fishes?" asked Hester, at whose side their new +acquaintance was walking now they had reached the subterranean level. + +"I have just passed along their cages," he answered. "They are not well +kept; the glass is dirty, and the water, too. I fancied they looked +unhappy, and came away. I can't bear to see creatures pining. It would +be a good deed to poison them all." + +"Wouldn't it be better to give them some fresh water?" said little +Saffy, "that would make them glad." + +To this wisdom there was no response. + +When they came to the door of the concert-room, Cornelius turned into +it, leaving his "friend" with his "people" to go and look at the fishes. +Mr. Vavasor kept his place by the side of Hester. + +"We were just talking, when we had the pleasure of meeting you, about +people and fishes--comparing them in a way," said Hester. "I can't make +it clear to myself why I like seeing the fishes better than the people." + +"I fancy it must be because you call them fishes and not fish," replied +Vavasor. "If the fishes were a shoal of herrings or mackerel, I doubt if +you would--at least for many times. If, on the other hand, the men and +women in the concert-room were as oddly distinguished one from another +as these different fishes, you would prefer going with your brother." + +"I'm sure I shouldn't" said Saffy to Mark. + +"Phizzes is best on fishes," answered Mark sententiously. "I like faces +best; only you don't _always_ want to look at what you like +best!--I wonder why." + +"And yet I suspect," said Mrs. Raymount to Vavasor, "many of the people +are as much distinguished from each other in character as the fishes are +in form." + +"Possibly," interjected her husband, "they are as different in their +faces also, only we are too much of their kind to be able to read the +differences so clearly." + +"Surely you do not mean," said Vavasor respectfully, "that any two +persons in the concert-room can be as much unlike each other as that +flounder shuddering along the sandy bottom, and that yard of eel sliding +through the water like an embodied wickedness?" + +Hester was greatly struck with the poetic tone of the remark. + +"I think you may find people as different," replied her father, "if you +take into the account the more delicate as well as the more striking +differences--the deeper as well as the surface diversities. Now you make +me think of it, I begin to doubt whether all these live grotesques may +not have been made to the pattern of different developments of +humanity." + +"Look at that dog-fish," said Vavasor, pointing to the largest in the +tank. "What a brute! Don't you hate him, Miss Raymount?" + +"I am not willing to hate any live thing," answered Hester with a smile, +"--from selfish motives, perhaps; I feel as if it would be to my own +loss, causing me some kind of irreparable hurt." + +"But you would kill such a creature as that--would you not?" he +rejoined. + +"In possible circumstances," she answered; "but killing and hating have +nothing necessarily to do with each other. He that hates his brother is +always a murderer, not always he that kills him." + +"This is another sort of girl from any I've met yet!" said Vavasor to +himself. "I wonder what she's really like!" + +He did not know that what she was really like was just what he, with all +his fancied knowledge of women both in life and literature, was +incapable of seeing--so different was she in kind from poor-gentleman +Vavasor. + +"But just look at the head, eyes and mouth of the fiend!" he persisted. + +Hester, forcing herself a little, did regard the animal for two or three +minutes. Then a slight shudder passed through her, and she turned away +her eyes. + +"I see you've caught the look of him!" said Vavasor. "Is he not a +horror?" + +"He is. But that was not what made me turn away: I found if I looked a +moment longer I should hate him in spite of myself." + +"And why shouldn't you hate him? You would be doing the wretch no wrong. +Even if he knew it, it would be only what he deserved." + +"That you cannot tell except you knew all about his nature, and every +point of his history from the beginning of the creation till now. I dare +not judge even a dog-fish. And whatever his deserts, I don't choose to +hate him, because I don't choose to hate." + +She turned away, and Vavasor saw she wanted no more of the dog-fish. + +"Oh!" cried Saffy, with a face of terror, "look, look, mamma! It's +staring at me!" + +The child hid her face in her mother's gown, yet turned immediately to +look again. + +Mr. Raymount looked also, following her gaze, and was fascinated by the +sight that met his eyes. Through the glass, high above his head, and not +far from the surface, he saw a huge thornback, bending toward them and +seeming to look down on them, as it flew slowly through the water--the +action of the two sides of its body fringed with fins, and its +consequent motion, were much more like the act of flying than that of +swimming. Behind him floated his long tail, making him yet more resemble +the hideously imagined kite which he at once suggested. But the terrible +thing about him was the death's-head look of the upper part of him. His +white belly was of course toward them, and his eyes were on the other +side, but there were nostrils that looked exactly like the empty sockets +of eyes, and below them was a hideous mouth. These made the face that +seemed to Saffy to be hovering over and watching them. + +"Like an infernal angel of death!" thought Mr. Raymount, but would not +rouse yet more the imagination of the little one by saying it. Hester +gazed with steadfast mien at the floating spectre. + +"You seem in no danger from that one," said Vavasor. + +"I don't think I understand you," said Hester. "What danger can there be +from any of them?" + +"I mean of hating him." + +"You are right; I do not feel the smallest inclination to hate him." + +"Yet the ray is even uglier than the dog-fish." + +"That may be--I think not--but who hates for ugliness? I never should. +Ugliness only moves my pity." + +"Then what do you hate for?" asked Vavasor. "--But I beg your pardon: +you never hate! Let me ask then, what is it that makes you feel as if +you might hate?" + +"If you will look again at the dog-fish, and tell me the expression of +its mouth, I may be able to answer you," she returned. + +"I will," said Vavasor; and, betaking himself to a farther portion of +the tank, he stood there watching a little shoal of those sharks of the +northern seas. While he was gone Cornelius rejoined them. + +"I wish I knew why God made such ugly creatures," said Saffy to Mark. + +The boy gave a curious half-sad smile, without turning his eyes from the +thornback, and said nothing. + +"Do you know why God made any creatures, pet?" said Hester. + +"No, I don't. Why did he, Hessy?" + +"I am almost afraid to guess. But if you don't know why he made any, why +should you wonder that he made those?" + +"Because they are so ugly.--Do tell me why he made them?" she added +coaxingly. + +"You had better ask mamma." + +"But, Hessy, I don't like to ask mamma." + +"Why don't you like to ask mamma, you little goose?" + +"Because," said Saffy, who was all the time holding her mother's hand, +and knew she was hearing her, "mamma mightn't know what to say." + +Hester thought with herself, "I am sometimes afraid to pray lest I +should have no answer!" + +The mother's face turned down toward her little one. + +"And what if I shouldn't know what to say, darling?" she asked. + +"I feel so awkward when Miss Merton asks me a question I can't answer," +said the child. + +"And you are afraid of making mamma feel awkward? You pet!" said Hester. + +Cornelius burst into a great laugh, and Saffy into silent tears, for she +thought she had made a fool of herself. She was not a priggish child, +and did not deserve the mockery with which her barbarian brother invaded +her little temple. She was such a true child that her mother was her +neighbor, and present to all her being--not her eyes only or her brain, +but her heart and spirit as well. + +The mother led her aside to a seat, saying, + +"Come, darling; we must look into this, and try to understand it. Let me +see--what is it we have got to understand? I think it is this--why you +should be ashamed when you cannot answer the questions of one who knows +so much more than you, and I should not be ashamed when I cannot answer +the questions of my own little girl who knows so much less that I do. Is +that it?" + +"I don't know," sobbed Saffy. + +"You shouldn't laugh at her, Corney: it hurts her!" said Hester. + +"The little fool! How could that hurt her? It's nothing but temper!" +said Cornelius with vexation. He was not vexed that he had made her cry, +but vexed that she cried. + +"You should have a little more sympathy with childhood, Cornelius," said +his father. "You used to be angry enough when you were laughed at." + +"I was a fool then myself!" answered Cornelius sulkily. + +He said no more, and his father put the best interpretation upon his +speech. + +"Do you remember, Hester," he said, "how you were always ready to cry +when I told you I did not know something you had asked me?" + +"Quite well, papa," replied Hester; "and I think I could explain it now. +I did not know then why I cried. I think now it was because it seemed to +bring you down nearer to my level. My heaven of wisdom sank and grew +less." + +"I hope that is not what Saffy is feeling now; your mother must be +telling her she doesn't know why God made the animals. But no! She is +looking up in her face with hers radiant!" + +And yet her mother had told her she did not know why God made the +animals! She had at the same time, however, made her own confessed +ignorance a step on which to set the child nearer to the knowledge of +God; for she told her it did not matter that she did not know, so long +as God knew. The child could see that her mother's ignorance did not +trouble her; and also that she who confessed ignorance was yet in close +communication with him who knew all about everything, and delighted in +making his children understand. + +And now came Vavasor from his study of the dog-fish. His nature was a +poetic one, though much choked with the weeds of the conventional and +commonplace, and he had seen and felt something of what Hester intended. +But he was not alive enough to understand hate. He was able to hate and +laugh. He could not feel the danger of hate as Hester, for hate is +death, and it needs life to know death. + +"He is cruel, and the very incarnation of selfishness," he said. "I +should like to set my heel on him." + +"If I were to allow myself to hate him," returned Hester, "I should hate +him too much to kill him. I should let him live on in his ugliness, and +hold back my hate lest it should wither him in the cool water. To let +him live would be my revenge, the worst I should know. I must not look +at him, for it makes me feel as wicked as he looks." + +She glanced at Vavasor. His eyes were fixed on her. She turned away +uncomfortable: could it be that he was like the dog-fish? + +"I declare." said Cornelius, coming between them, "there's no knowing +you girls! Would you believe it, Mr. Vavasor--that young woman was +crying her eyes out last night over the meanest humbug of a Chadband I +ever set mine on! There ain't one of those fishes comes within sight of +him for ugliness. And she would have it he was to be pitied--sorrowed +over--loved, I suppose!" + +The last words of his speech he whined out in a lackadaisical tone. + +Hester flushed, but said nothing. She was not going to defend herself +before a stranger. She would rather remain misrepresented--even be +misunderstood. But Vavasor had no such opinion of the brother as to take +any notion of the sister from his mirror. When she turned from Cornelius +next, in which movement lay all the expression she chose to give to her +indignation, he passed behind him to the other side of Hester, and there +stood apparently absorbed in the contemplation of a huge crustacean. Had +Cornelius been sensitive, he must have felt he was omitted. + +"Why, can it be?" she said--to herself, but audibly--after a moment of +silence, during which she also had been apparently absorbed in the +contemplation of some inhabitant of the watery cage. But she had in +truth been thinking of nothing immediately before her eyes, though they +had rested first upon a huge crayfish, balancing himself on stilts +innumerable, then turned to one descending a rocky incline--just as a +Swiss horse descends a stair in a mountain-path. + +"Yes, the fellow bristles with _whys_," said Vavasor, whose gaze +was still fixed on one of them. "Every leg seems to ask 'Why am I a +leg?'" + +"I should have thought it was asking rather, 'What am I? Am I a leg or a +failure?'" rejoined Hester. "But I was not thinking of the crayfish. He +is odd, but there is no harm in him. He looks, indeed, highly +respectable. See with what a dignity he fans himself!" + +"And for the same reason," remarked her father, who had come up and +stood behind them, "as the finest lady at the ball: he wants more air. I +wonder whether the poor fellow knows he is in a cage?" + +"I think he does," said Saffy, "else he would run away from us." + +"Are you thinking of the dog-fish still?" asked Vavasor. + +The strangeness, as it seemed to him, of the handsome girl's absorption, +for such it veritably appeared, in questions of no interest in +themselves--so he judged them--attracted him even more than her beauty, +for he did not like to feel himself unpossessed of the entree to such a +house. Also he was a writer of society verses--not so good as they might +have been, but in their way not altogether despicable--and had already +begun to turn it over in his mind whether something might not be made +of--what shall I call it?--the situation? + +"I _was_ thinking of him," Hester answered, "but only as a type of +the great difficulty--why there should be evil or ugliness in the world. +There must be an answer to it! Is it possible it should be one we would +not like?" + +"I don't believe there is any answer," said Vavasor. "The ugly things +are ugly just because they are ugly. It is a child's answer, but not +therefore unphilosophical. We must take things as we find them. We are +ourselves just what we are, and cannot help it. We do this or that +because it is in us. We are made so." + +"You do not believe in free will, then, Mr. Vavasor?" said Hester +coldly. + +"I see no ground for believing in it. We are but forces--bottled up +forces--charged Leyden jars. Every one does just what is in him--acts as +he is capable." + +He was not given to metaphysics, and, indeed, had few or no opinions in +that department of inquiry; but the odd girl interested him, and he was +ready to meet her on any ground. He had uttered his own practical +unbelief, however, with considerable accuracy. Hester's eyes flashed +angrily. + +"I say _no_. Every one is capable of acting better than he does," +she replied; and her face flushed. + +"Why does he not then?" asked Vavasor. + +"Ah, why?" she responded. + +"How can he be made for it if he does not do it?" insisted Vavasor. + +"How indeed? That is the puzzle," she answered. "If he were not capable +there would be none." + +"I should do better, I am sure, if I could," said Vavasor. Had he known +himself, he ought to have added, "without trouble." + +"Then you think we are all just like the dog-fish--except that destiny +has made none of us quite so ugly," rejoined Hester. + +"Or so selfish," implemented Vavasor. + +"That I can't see," returned Hester. "If we are merely borne helpless +hither and thither on the tide of impulse, we can be neither more nor +less selfish than the dog-fish. We are, in fact, neither selfish nor +unselfish. We are pure nothings, concerning which speculation is not +worth the trouble. But the very word _selfish_ implies a contrary +judgment on the part of humanity itself." + +"Then you believe we can make ourselves different from what we are +made?" + +"Yes; we are made with the power to change. We are meant to take a share +in our own making. We are made so and so, it is true, but not made so +and so only; we are made with a power in ourselves beside--a power that +can lay hold on the original power that made us. We are not made to +remain as we are. We are bound to grow." + +She spoke rapidly, with glowing eyes, the fire of her utterance +consuming every shadow of the didactic. + +"You are too much of a philosopher for me, Miss Raymount," said Vavasor +with a smile. "But just answer me one question. What if a man is too +weak to change?" + +"He must change," said Hester. + +Then first Vavasor began to feel the conversation getting quite too +serious. + +"Ah, well!" he said. "But don't you think this is +rather--ah--rather--don't you know?--for an aquarium?" + +Hester did not reply. Nothing was too serious for her in any place. She +was indeed a peculiar girl--the more the pity for the many that made her +so! + +"Let us go and see the octopus," said Vavasor. + +They went, and Mr. Raymount slowly followed them. He had not heard the +last turn of their conversation. + +"You two have set me thinking," he said, when he joined them; "and +brought to my mind an observation I had made--how seldom you find art +succeed in representing the hatefully ugly! The painter can accumulate +ugliness, but I do not remember a demon worth the name. The picture I +can best recall with demons in it is one of Raphael's--a St. Michael +slaying the dragon--from the Purgatorio, I think, but I am not sure; not +one of the demons in that picture is half so ugly as your +dog-fish.--What if it be necessary that we should have lessons in +ugliness?" + +"But why?" said Hester. "Is not the ugly better let alone? You have +always taught that ugliness is the natural embodiment of evil!" + +"Because we have chosen what is bad, and do not know how ugly it +is--that is why," answered her father. + +"Isn't that rather hard on the fish, though?" said Vavasor. "How can +innocent creatures be an embodiment of evil?" + +"But what do you mean by _innocent_?" returned Mr. Raymount. "The +nature of an animal may be low and even hateful, and its looks +correspondent, while no conscience accuses it of evil. I have known half +a dozen cows, in a shed large enough for a score, and abundantly +provisioned, unite to keep the rest of the herd out of it. Many a man is +a far lower and worse creature in his nature that his conscience tells +him. It is the conscience educated by strife and failure and success +that is severe upon the man, demanding of him the all but unattainable." + +Talk worse and worse for an aquarium! But happily they had now reached +the tank of the octopods. + +Alas, there had been some mismanagement of the pipes, and the poor +devil-fishes had been boiled, or at least heated to death! One small, +wretched, skinny thing, hardly distinguishable from a discolored clout, +was all that was left of a dozen. Cornelius laughed heartily when +informed of the mischance. + +"It's a pity it wasn't the devil himself instead of his fish!" he said. +"Wouldn't it be a jolly lark, Mr. Vavasor, if some of the rascals down +below were to heat that furnace too hot, and rid us of the whole potful +at one fell swoop!" + +"What is that you are saying, Corney?" said his mother, who had but just +rejoined them. + +"I was only uttering the pious wish that the devil was dead," answered +Cornelius; "--boiled like an octopus! ha! ha! ha!" + +"What good would that do?" said his father. "The human devils would be +no better, and the place would soon be re-occupied. The population of +the pit must be kept up by immigration. There may be babies born in +heaven, for any thing I know, but certain I am there can be none in the +other place. This world of ours is the nursery of devils as well as of +saints." + +"And what becomes of those that are neither?" asked Vavasor. + +"It were hard to say," replied Mr. Raymount with some seriousness. + +"A confoundedly peculiar family!" said Vavasor to himself. "There's a +bee in every bonnet of them! An odd, irreverent way the old fellow has +with him--for an old fellow pretending to believe what he says!" + +Vavasor was not one of the _advanced_ of the age; he did not deny +there was a God: he thought that the worse form that it was common in +the bank; the fellows he associated with never took the trouble to deny +him; they took their own way, and asked no questions. When a man has not +the slightest intention that the answer shall influence his conduct, why +should he inquire whether there be a God or not? Vavasor cared more +about the top of his cane than the God whose being he did not take the +trouble to deny. He believed a little less than the maiden aunt with +whom he lived; she believed less than her mother, and her mother had +believed less than hers; so that for generations the faith, so called, +of the family had been dying down, simply because all that time it had +sent out no fresh root of obedience. It had in truth been no faith at +all, only assent. Miss Vavasor went to church because it was the right +thing to do: God was one of the heads of society, and his drawing-rooms +had to be attended. Certain objections not altogether unreasonable might +be urged against doing so: several fictions were more or less +countenanced in them--such as equality, love of your neighbor, and +forgiveness of your enemy, but then nobody really heeded them: religion +had worked its way up to a respectable position, and no longer required +the support of the unwashed--that is, those outside the circle whose +center is May-fair. As to her personal religion, why, God had heard her +prayers, and might again: he did show favor occasionally. That she +should come out of it all as well as other people when this life of +family and incomes and match-making was over, she saw no reason to +doubt. Ranters and canters might talk as they pleased, but God knew +better than make the existence of thoroughly respectable people quite +unendurable! She was kind-hearted, and treated her maid like an equal up +to the moment of offense--then like a dog of the east up to that of +atonement. She had the power of keeping her temper even in family +differences, and hence was regarded as a very model of wisdom, prudence +and _tact_, the last far the first in the consideration of her +judges. The young of her acquaintance fled to her for help in need, and +she gave them no hard words, but generally more counsel than +comfort--always, however, the best she had, which was of Polonius' kind, +an essence of wise selfishness, so far as selfishness can be wise, with +a strong dash of self-respect, nowise the more sparing that it was +independent of desert. The good man would find it rather difficult to +respect himself were he to try; his gaze is upward to the one good; but +had it been possible for such a distinction to enter Miss Vavasor's +house, it would have been only to be straightway dismissed. She was +devoted to her nephew, as she counted devotion, but would see that he +made a correspondent return. + +When Vavasor reached their encampment in the Imperial Hotel, he went to +his own room, got out his Russia-leather despatch-box, half-filled with +songs and occasional verses, which he never travelled without, and set +himself to see what he could do with the dog-fish--in what kind of +poetic jelly, that is, he could enclose his shark-like mouth and evil +look. But prejudiced as he always was in favor of whatever issued from +his own brain--as yet nothing had come from his heart--he was anything +but satisfied with the result of his endeavor. It was, in fact, an utter +failure so far as the dog-fish was concerned, for he was there unnamed, +a mere indistinguishable presence among many monsters. But +notwithstanding the gravity of this defect, and the distance between his +idea and its outcome, he yet concluded the homage to Hester which it +embodied of a value to justify the presentation of the verses. And poor +as they were they were nearly as good as anything he had done hitherto. +Here they are: + + To H.R. + + Lo, Beauty climbs the watery steep, + Sets foot on many a slimy stair; + Treads on the monsters of the deep, + And rising seeks the earth and air. + + On every form she sets her foot, + She lifts it straight and passes on; + With flowers and trees she takes no root, + This, that caresses, and is gone. + + Imperfect, poorly lovely things + On all sides round she sighing sees; + She flies, nor for her flying wings + Finds any refuge, rest, or ease! + + At last, at last, on Burcliff's shore, + She spies a thoughtful wanderer; + She speeds--she lights for evermore, + Incorporated, one with her! + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +AMY AMBER. + + +Some gentle crisis must have arrived in the history of Hester, for in +these days her heart was more sensitive and more sympathetic than ever +before. The circumvolant troubles of humanity caught upon it as it it +had been a thorn-bush, and hung there. It was not greatly troubled, +neither was its air murky, but its very repose was like a mother's sleep +which is no obstacle between the cries of her children and her +sheltering soul: it was ready to wake at every moan of the human sea +around her. Unlike most women, she had not needed marriage and +motherhood to open the great gate of her heart to her kind: I do not +mean there are not many like her in this. Why the tide of human +affection should have begun to rise so rapidly in her just at this time, +there is no need for conjecturing: much of every history must for the +long present remain inexplicable. No man creates his history any more +than he creates himself; he only modifies it--sometimes awfully; gathers +to him swift help, or makes intervention necessary. But the tide of +which I speak flowed yet more swiftly from the night of the magic +lantern. That experience had been as a mirror in which she saw the +misery of the low of her kind, including, alas! her brother Cornelius. +He had never before so plainly revealed to her his heartlessness, and +the painful consequence of the revelation was, that now, with all her +swelling love for human beings, she felt her heart shrink from him as if +he were of another nature. She could never indeed have loved him as she +did but that, being several years his elder, she had had a good deal to +do with him as baby and child: the infant motherhood of her heart had +gathered about him, and not an eternity of difference could after that +destroy the relation between them. But as he grew up, the boy had +undermined and weakened her affection, though hardly her devotion; and +now the youth had given it a rude shock. So far was she, however, from +yielding to this decay of feeling that it did not merely cause her much +pain but gave rise in her to much useless endeavor; while every day she +grew more anxious and careful to carry herself toward him as a sister +ought. + +The Raymounts could not afford one of the best lodgings in Burcliff, and +were well contented with a floor in an old house in an unfashionable +part of the town, looking across the red roofs of the port, and out over +the flocks of Neptune's white sheep on the blue-gray German ocean. It +was kept by two old maids whose hearts had got flattened under the +pressure of poverty--no, I am wrong, it was not poverty, but +_care_; pure poverty never flattened any heart; it is the care +which poverty is supposed to justify that does the mischief; it gets +inside it and burrows, as well as lies on the top of it; of mere outside +poverty a heart can bear a mountainous weight without the smallest +injury, yea with inestimable result of the only riches. Our Lord never +mentions poverty as one of the obstructions to his kingdom, neither has +it ever proved such; riches, cares and desires he does mention. The +sisters Witherspin had never yet suffered from the lack of a single +necessary; not the less they frayed their mornings, wore out their +afternoons, scorched their evenings, and consumed their nights, in +scraping together provision for an old age they were destined never to +see. They were a small meager pair, with hardly a smile between them. +One waited and the other cooked. The one that waited had generally her +chin tied up with a silk handkerchief, as if she had come to life again, +but not quite, and could not do without the handkerchief. The other was +rarely seen, but her existence was all day testified by the odors that +ascended from the Tartarus of her ever-recurrent labors. It was a marvel +how from a region of such fumes could ascend the good dinners she +provided. The poor things of course had their weight on the mind of +Hester, for, had they tried, they could not have hidden the fact that +they lived to save: every movement almost, and certainly every tone +betrayed it. And yet, unlike so many lodging-house keepers, resembling +more the lion-ant than any other of the symbolic world of insects, they +were strictly honest. Had they not been, I doubt if Hester would have +been able, though they would then have needed more, to give them so much +pity as she did, for she had a great scorn of dishonesty. Her heart, +which was full of compassion for the yielding, the weak, the erring, was +not yet able to spend much on the actively vicious--the dishonest and +lying and traitorous. The honor she paid the honesty of these women +helped her much to pity the sunlessness of their existence, and the poor +end for which they lived. It looked as if God had forgotten +them--toiling for so little all day long, while the fact was they forgot +God, and were thus miserable and oppressed because they would not have +him interfere as he would so gladly have done. Instead of seeking the +kingdom of heaven, and trusting him for old age while they did their +work with their might, they exhausted their spiritual resources in +sending out armies of ravens with hardly a dove among them, to find and +secure a future still submerged in the waves of a friendly deluge. Nor +was Hester's own faith in God so vital yet as to propagate itself by +division in the minds she came in contact with. She could only be sorry +for them and kind to them. + +The morning after the visit to the aquarium, woeful Miss Witherspin, as +Mark had epitheted her, entered to remove the ruins of breakfast with a +more sad and injured expression of countenance than usual. It was a +glorious day, and she was like a live shadow in the sunshine. Most of +the Raymounts were already in the open air, and Hester was the only one +in the room. The small, round-shouldered, cadaverous creature went +moving about the table with a motion that suggested bed as fitter than +labor, though she was strong enough to get through her work without more +than occasional suffering: if she could only have left pitying herself +and let God love her she would have got on well enough. Hester, who had +her own share of the same kind of fault, was rather moodily trimming her +mother's bonnet with a new ribbon, glancing up from which she at once +perceived that something in particular must have exceeded in wrongness +the general wrongness of things in the poor little gnome's world. Her +appearance was usually that of one with a headache; her expression this +morning suggested a mild indeed but all-pervading toothache. + +"Is anything the matter, Miss Witherspin?" asked Hester. + +"Indeed, miss, there never come nothing to sister and me but it's +matter, and now it's a sore matter. But it's the Lord's will and we +can't help it; and what are we here for but to have patience? That's +what I keep saying to my sister, but it don't seem to do her much good." + +She ended with a great sigh; and Hester thought if the unseen sister +required the comfort of the one before her, whose evangel just uttered +was as gloomy as herself, how very unhappy she must be. + +"No doubt we are here to learn patience," said Hester; "but I can hardly +think patience is what we are made for. Is there any fresh trouble--if +you will excuse me?" + +"Well, I don't know, miss, as trouble can anyhow be called +fresh--leastways to us it's stale enough; we're that sick of it! I +declare to you, miss, I'm clean worn out with havin' patience! An' now +there's my sister gone after her husband an' left her girl, brought up +in her own way an' every other luxury, an' there she's come on our +hands, an' us to take the charge of her! It's a responsibility will be +the death of me." + +"Is there no provision for her?" + +"Oh, yes, there's provision! Her mother kep a shop for fancy goods at +Keswick--after John's death, that is--an' scraped together a good bit o' +money, they do say; but that's under trustees--not a penny to be touched +till the girl come of age!" + +"But the trustees must make you a proper allowance for bringing her up! +And anyhow you can refuse the charge." + +"No, miss, that we can't. It was always John's wish when he lay a dyin', +that if anything was to happen to Sarah, the child should come to us. +It's the trouble of the young thing, the responsibility--havin' to keep +your eyes upon her every blessed moment for fear she do the thing she +ought not to--that's what weighs upon me. Oh, yes, they'll pay so much a +quarter for her! it's not that. But to be always at the heels of a +young, sly puss after mischief--it's more'n I'm equal to, I do assure +you, Miss Raymount." + +"When did you see her last?" inquired Hester. + +"Not once have I set eyes on her since she was three years old!" +answered Miss Witherspin, and her tone seemed to imply in the fact yet +additional wrong. + +"Then perhaps she may be wiser by this time," Hester suggested. "How old +is she now?" + +"Sixteen out. It's awful to think of!" + +"But how do you know she will be so troublesome? She mayn't want the +looking after you dread. You haven't seen her for thirteen years!" + +"I'm sure of it. I know the breed, miss! She's took after her mother, +you may take your mortal oath! The sly way she got round our John!--an' +all to take him right away from his own family as bore and bred him! You +wouldn't believe it, miss!" + +"Girls are not always like their mothers," said Hester. "I'm not half as +good as my mother." + +"Bless you, miss! if she ain't half as bad as hers--the Lord have mercy +upon us! How I'm to attend to my lodgers and look after her, it's more +than I know how to think of it with patience." + +"When is she coming?" + +"She'll be here this blessed day as I'm speakin' to you, miss!" + +"Perhaps, your house being full, you may find her a help instead of a +trouble. It won't be as if she had nothing to employ her!" + +"There's no good to mortal creature i' the bones or blood of her!" +sighed Miss Witherspin, as she put the tablecloth on the top of the +breakfast-things. + +That blessed day the girl did arrive--sprang into the house like a +rather loud sunbeam--loud for a sunbeam, not for a young woman of +sixteen. She was small, and bright, and gay, with large black eyes which +sparkled like little ones as well as gleamed like great ones, and a +miniature Greek face, containing a neat nose and a mouth the most +changeable ever seen--now a mere negation in red, and now long enough +for sorrow to couch on at her ease--only there was no sorrow near it, +nor in its motions and changes much of any other expression than mere +life. Her hair was a dead brown, mistakable for black, with a burnt +quality in it, and so curly, in parts so obstinately crinkly, as to +suggest wool--and negro blood from some far fount of tropic ardor. Her +figure was, if not essentially graceful yet thoroughly symmetrical, and +her head, hands and feet were small and well-shaped. Almost brought up +in her mother's shop, one much haunted by holiday-makers in the town, +she had as little shyness as forwardness, being at once fearless and +modest, gentle and merry, noiseless and swift--a pleasure to eyes, +nerves and mind. The sudden apparition of her in a rose-bud print, to +wait upon the Raymounts the next morning at breakfast, startled them all +with a sweet surprise. Every time she left the room the talk about her +broke out afresh, and Hester's information concerning her was a welcome +sop to the Cerberus of their astonishment. A more striking contrast than +that between her and her two aunts could hardly have been found in the +whole island. She was like a star between two gray clouds of twilight. +But she had not so much share in her own cheerfulness as her poor aunts +had in their misery. She so lived because she was so made. She was a joy +to others as well as to herself, but as yet she had no merit in her own +peace or its rippling gladness. So strong was the life in her that, +although she cried every night over the loss of her mother, she was +fresh as a daisy in the morning, opening like that to the sun of life, +and ready not merely to give smile for smile, but to give smile for +frown. In a word she was one of those lovely natures that need but to +recognize the eternal to fly to it straight; but on the other hand such +natures are in general very hard to wake to a recognition of the unseen. +They assent to every thing good, but for a long time seem unaware of the +need of a perfect Father. To have their minds opened to the truth, they +must suffer like other mortals less amiable. Suffering alone can develop +in such any spiritual insight, or cause them to care that there should +be a live God caring about them. + +She was soon a favorite with every one of the family. Mrs. Raymount +often talked to her. And on her side Amy Amber, which name, being +neither crisp nor sparkling, but soft and mellow, did not seem quite to +suit her, was so much drawn to Hester that she never lost an opportunity +of waiting on her, and never once missed going to her room, to see if +she wanted anything, last of all before she went to bed. The only one of +the family that professed not to "think much of her," was the +contemptuous Cornelius. Even Vavasor, who soon became a frequent caller, +if he chanced to utter some admiring word concerning the pretty deft +creature that had just flitted from the room like a dark butterfly, +would not in reply draw from him more than a grunt and a half sneer. Yet +now and then he might have been caught glowering at her, and would +sometimes, seemingly in spite of himself, smile on her sudden +appearance. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +CORNELIUS AND VAVASOR. + + +From what I have written of him it may well seem as if such a cub were +hardly worth writing about; but if my reader had chanced to meet him +first in other company than that of his own family, on every one of whom +he looked down with a contempt which although slight was not altogether +mild, he would have taken him for at least an agreeable young man. He +would then have perceived little or nothing of the look of doggedness +and opposition he wore at home; that would have been, all unconsciously, +masked in a just unblown smile of general complaisance, ready to burst +into full blossom for anyone who should address him; while the rubbish +he would then talk to ladies had a certain grace about it--such as +absolutely astonished Hester once she happened to overhear some of it, +and set her wondering how the phenomenon was to be accounted for of the +home-cactus blossoming into such a sweet company-flower--wondering also +which was the real Cornelius, he of the seamy side turned always to his +own people, or he of the silken flowers and arabesques presented to +strangers. Analysis of anything he said would have certified little or +nothing in it; but that little or nothing was pleasantly uttered, and +served perhaps as well as something cleverer to pass a faint electric +flash between common mind and mind. The slouch, the hands-in-pocket +mood, the toe-and-heel oscillation upon the hearth-rug--those flying +signals that self was at home to nobody but himself, had for the time +vanished; desire to please had tied up the black dog in his kennel, and +let the white one out. By keeping close in the protective shadow of the +fashion, he always managed to be well-dressed. Ever since he went to the +same tailor as Vavasor his coats had been irreproachable; and why should +not any youth pay just twice as much for his coats as his father does +for his? His shirt-studs were simplicity itself--single pearls; and he +was very particular about both the quantity and the quality of the linen +showing beyond his coat-cuffs. Altogether he was nicely got up and +pleasant to look upon. Stupid as the conventional European dress is, its +trimness and clear contrast of white and black tends to level up all to +the appearance of gentlemen, and I suspect this may be the real cause of +its popularity. + +But I beg my reader to reflect before he sets Cornelius down as an +exceptionally disagreeable young man because of the difference between +his behavior at home and abroad. I admit that his was a bad case, but in +how many a family, the members of which are far from despising each +other, does it not seem judged unnecessary to cultivate courtesy! Surely +this could not be if a tender conscience of the persons and spiritual +rights of others were not wanting. If there be any real significance in +politeness, if it be not a mere empty and therefore altogether +hypocritical congeries of customs, it ought to have its birth, +cultivation and chief exercise at home. Of course there are the manners +suitable to strangers and those suitable to intimates, but politeness is +the one essential of both. I would not let the smallest child stroke his +father's beard roughly. Watch a child and when he begins to grow rough +you will see an evil spirit looking out of his eyes. It is a mean and +bad thing to be ungentle with our own. Politeness is either a true face +or a mask. If worn at one place and not at another, which of them is it? +And there were no mask if there ought not to be a face. Neither is +politeness at all inconsistent with thorough familiarity. I will go +farther and say, that no true, or certainly no profound familiarity is +attainable without it. The soul will not come forth to be roughly used. +And where truth reigns familiarity only makes the manners strike deeper +root in the being, and take a larger share in its regeneration. + +Amongst the other small gifts over which Cornelius was too tender to +exhibit them at home, was a certain very small one of song. How he had +developed it would have been to the home-circle a mystery, but they did +not even know that he possessed it, and the thought that they did not +was a pleasant one to him. For all his life he had loved vulgar +mystery--mystery, that is, without any mystery in it except what +appearance of it may come of barren concealment. He never came out with +anything at home as to where he had been or what he was going to do or +had done. And he gloried specially in the thought that he could and did +this or that of which neither the governor, the mater, nor Hester knew +his capability. He felt large and powerful and wise in consequence! and +if he was only the more of a fool, what did it matter so long as he did +not know it? Rather let me ask what better was he, either for the +accomplishment or the concealment of it, so long as it did nothing to +uncover to him the one important fact, that its possessor was neither +more nor less than a fool? + +He had been now some eighteen months in the bank, and from the first Mr. +Vavasor, himself not the profoundest of men, had been taken with the +easy manners of the youth combined with his evident worship of himself, +and having no small proclivity towards patronage, had allowed the +aspirant to his favor to enter by degrees its charmed circle. Gathering +a certain liking for him, he began to make him an occasional companion +for the evening, and at length would sometimes take him home with him. +There Cornelius at once laid himself out to please Miss Vavasor, and +flattery went a long way with that lady, because she had begun to +suspect herself no longer young or beautiful. Her house was a dingy +little hut in Mayfair, full of worthless pictures and fine old-fashioned +furniture. Any piece of this she would for a long time gladly have +exchanged for a new one in the fashion, but as soon as she found such +things themselves the fashion, her appreciation of them rose to such +fervor that she professed an unchangeable preference for them over +things of any modern style whatever. Cornelius soon learned what he must +admire and what despise if he would be in tune with Miss Vavasor, to the +false importance of being one of whose courtiers he was so much alive +that he counted it one of the most precious of his secrets; none of his +family had heard of Mr. Vavasor even, before the encounter at the +aquarium. + +From Miss Vavasor's Cornelius had been invited to several other houses, +and the consequence was that he looked from an ever growing height upon +his own people, judging not one of them fit for the grand company to +which his merits, unappreciated at home, had introduced him. He began to +take private lessons in dancing and singing, and as he possessed a +certain natural grace, invisible when he was out of humor, but always +appearing when he wanted to please, and a certain facility of imitation +as well, he was soon able to dance excellently, and sing with more or +less dullness a few songs of the sort fashionable at the time. But he +took so little delight in music or singing for its own sake that in any +allusion to his sister's practicing he would call it _an infernal +row_. + +He was not a little astonished, was perhaps a little annoyed at the +impression made by his family in general, and Hester in particular, upon +one in whose judgment he had placed unquestioning confidence. Nor did he +conceal from Vavasor his dissent from his opinion of them, for he felt +that his friend's admiration gave him an advantage--not as member of +such a family, but as the pooh-pooher of what his friend admired. For +did not his superiority to the admiration to which his friend yielded, +stamp him in that one thing at least the superior of him who was his +superior in so many other things? To be able to look down where he +looked up--what was it but superiority? + +"My mother's the best of the lot," he said: "--she's the best woman in +the world, I do believe; but she's nobody except at home--don't you +know? Look at her and your aunt together! Pooh! Because she's my mother, +that's no reason why I should think royalty of her!" + +"What a cub it is!" said Vavasor to himself, almost using a worse +epithet of the same number of letters, and straightway read him a +lecture, well meant and shallow, on what was good form in a woman. +According to him, not the cub's mother only, but Hester also possessed +the qualities that went to the composition of this strange virtue in +eminent degrees. Cornelius continued his opposition, but modified it, +for he could not help feeling flattered, and began to think a little +more of his mother and of Hester too. + +"She's a very good girl--of her sort--is Hester," he said; "I don't +require to be taught that, Mr. Vavasor. But she's too awfully serious. +She's in such earnest about everything--you haven't an idea! One +half-hour of her in one of her moods is enough to destroy a poor +beggar's peace of mind for ever. And there's no saying when the fit may +take her." + +Vavasor laughed. But he said to himself "there was stuff in her: what +a woman might be made of her!" To him she seemed fit--with a little +developing aid--to grace the best society in the world. It was not +polish she needed but experience and insight, thought Vavasor, who would +have her learn to look on the world and its affairs as they saw them who +by long practice had disqualified themselves for seeing them in any +other than the artificial light of fashion. Thus early did Vavasor +conceive the ambition of having a hand in the worldly education of this +young woman, such a hand that by his means she should come to shine as +she deserved in the only circle in which he thought shining worth any +one's while; his reward should be to see her so shine. Through his aunt +he could gain her entrance where he pleased. In relation to her and her +people he seemed to himself a man of power and influence. + +I wonder how Jesus Christ would carry himself in Mayfair. Perhaps he +would not enter it. Perhaps he would only call to his own to come out of +it, and turn away to go down among the money-lenders and sinners of the +east end. I am only wondering. + +Hester took to Vavasor from the first, in an external, meet-and-part +sort of fashion. His bearing was so dignified yet his manner so +pleasing, that she, whose instinct was a little repellent, showed him +nothing of that phase of her nature. He roused none of that inclination +to oppose which poor foolish Corney always roused in her. He could talk +well about music and pictures and novels and plays, and she not only let +him talk freely, but was inclined to put a favorable interpretation upon +things he said which she did not altogether like, trying to see only +humor where another might have found heartlessness or cynicism. For +Vavasor, being in his own eyes the model of an honorable and +well-behaved gentleman, had of course only the world's way of regarding +and judging things. Had he been a man of fortune he would have given to +charities with some freedom; but, his salary being very moderate, and +his aunt just a little stingy as he thought, he would not have denied +himself the smallest luxury his means could compass, for the highest +betterment of a human soul. He would give a half-worn pair of gloves to +a poor woman in the street, but not the price of the new pair he was on +his way to buy to get her a pair of shoes. + +It would have enlightened Hester a little about him to watch him for +half an hour where he stood behind the counter of the bank: there he was +the least courteous of proverbially discourteous bank-clerks, whose +manners are about of the same breed with those of hotel-clerks in +America. It ought to be mentioned, however, that he treated those of his +own social position in precisely the same way as less distinguished +callers. But he never forgot to take up his manners with his umbrella as +he left the bank, and his airy, cheerful way of talking, which was more +natural to him than his rudeness, coming from the same source that +afforded the rimes he delighted in, sparkling pleasantly against the +more somber texture of Hester's consciousness. She suspected he was no +profound, but that was no reason why she should not be pleasant to him, +and allow him to be pleasant to her. So by the time Vavasor had spent +three evenings with the Raymounts, Hester and he were on a standing of +external intimacy, if there be such a relation. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +SONGS AND SINGERS. + + +The evening before the return of Cornelius to London and the durance +vile of the bank, Vavasor presented himself at the hour of family-tea. +Mr. Raymount's work admitting of no late dinner, the evening of the rest +of the family was the freer. They occupied a tolerably large +drawing-room, and as they had hired for the time a tolerably good piano, +to it, when tea was over, Hester generally betook herself. But this time +Cornelius, walking up to it with his hands in his pockets, dropped on +the piano-stool as if he had taken a fancy to it for a seat, and began +to let his hands run over the keys as if to give the idea he could play +if he would. Amy Amber was taking away the tea-things and the rest were +here and there about the room, Mr. Raymount and Vavasor talking on the +hearth-rug--for a moment ere the former withdrew to his study. + +"What a rose-diamond you have to wait on you, Mr. Raymount!" said +Vavasor. "If I were a painter I would have her sit to me." + +"And ruin the poor thing for any life-sitting!" remarked Mr. Raymount +rather gruffly, for he found that the easier way of speaking the truth. +He had thus gained a character for uncompromising severity, whereas it +was but that a certain sort of cowardice made him creep into spiky +armor. He was a good man, who saw some truths clearly, and used them +blunderingly. + +"I don't see why that should follow," said Vavasor, in a softly drawling +tone, the very reverse of his host's. Its calmness gave the impression +of a wisdom behind it that had no existence. "If the girl is handsome, +why shouldn't she derive some advantage from it--and the rest of the +world as well?" + +"Because, I say, she at least would derive only ruin. She would +immediately assume to herself the credit of what was offered only to her +beauty. It takes a lifetime, Mr. Vavasor, to learn where to pay our +taxes. If the penny with the image and superscription of Caesar has to +be paid to Caesar, where has a face and figure like that of Amy Amber to +be paid?" + +Vavasor did not reply: Mr. Raymount's utterance may perhaps seem obscure +to a better thinker. He concluded merely that his host was talking for +talk's sake, so talking rubbish. The girl came in again, and the +conversation dropped. Mr. Raymount went to his writing, Vavasor toward +the piano. Willing to please Cornelius, whom he almost regarded with a +little respect now that he had turned out brother to such a sister. + +"Sing the song you gave us the other night at our house," he said +carelessly. + +Hester could hardly credit her hearing. Still more astonished was she +when Cornelius actually struck a few chords and began to sing. The song +was one of those common drawing-room ones more like the remnants of a +trifle the day after a party than any other dish for human use. But +there was one mercy in it: the words and the music went together in a +perfect concord of weak worthlessness; and Hester had not to listen, +with the miserable feeling that rude hands were pulling at the modest +garments of her soul, to a true poem set to the music of a scrannel pipe +of wretched straw, whose every tone and phrase choked the divine bird +caged in the verse. + +Cornelius sang like a would-be singer, a song written by a would-be +poet, and set by a would-be musician. Verve was there none in the whole +ephemeral embodiment. When it died a natural death, if that be possible +where never had been any life, Vavasor said, "Thank you, Raymount." But +Hester, who had been standing with her teeth clenched under the fiery +rain of discords, wrong notes, and dislocated rhythm, rushed to the piano +with glowing cheeks and tear-filled eyes, and pushed Cornelius off the +stool. The poor weak fellow thought she was acting the sentimental over +the sudden outburst of his unsuspected talent, and recovering himself +stood smiling at her with affected protest. + +"Corney!" she cried--and the faces of the two were a contrast worth +seeing--"you disgrace yourself! any one who can sing at all should be +ashamed to sing no better than that!" + +Then feeling that she ought not to be thus carried away, or quench with +such a fierce lack of sympathy the smoking flax of any endowment, she +threw her arms round his neck and kissed him. He received her embrace +like the bear he was; the sole recognition he showed was a comically +appealing look to Vavasor intended to say, "You see how the women use +me! They trouble me, but I submit!" + +"You naughty boy!" Hester went on, much excited, and speaking with great +rapidity, "you never let me suspect you could sing any more than a +frog--toad, I mean, for a frog does sing after his own rather monotonous +fashion, and you don't sing much better! Listen to me, and I will show +you how the song ought to have been sung. It's not worth a straw, and +it's a shame to sing it, but if it be sung at all, it might as well be +sung as well as it might!" + +So saying she seated herself at the piano. + +This convulsion was in Hester's being a phenomenon altogether new, for +never before had she been beside herself in the presence of another. + +She gazed for a moment at the song on the rest before her, then summoned +as with a command the chords which Corney had seemed to pick up from +among his feet, and began. The affect of her singing upon the song was +as if the few poor shivering plants in the garden of March had every one +blossomed at once. The words and music both were in truth as worthless +as she had said; but they were words, and it was music, and words have +always some meaning, and tones have always some sweetness; all the +meaning and all the sweetness in the song Hester laid hold of, drew out, +made the best of; while all the feeble element of the dramatic in it she +forced, giving it an expression far beyond what could have been in the +mind of the writer capable of such inadequate utterance--with the result +that it was a different song altogether from that which Cornelius had +sung. She gave the song such a second birth, indeed, that a tolerable +judge might have taken it, so hearing it for the first time, for what it +was not--a song with some existence of its own, some distinction from a +thousand other wax flowers dipped in sugar-water for the humming-birds +of society. The moment she ended, she rose ashamed, and going to the +window looked out over the darkening sea. + +Vavasor had not heard her sing before. He did not even know she cared +for music; for Hester, who did not regard her faculty as an +accomplishment but as a gift, treated it as a treasure to be hidden for +the day of the Lord rather than a flag to be flaunted in a civic +procession--was jealously shy over it, as a thing it would be +profanation to show to any but loving eyes. To utter herself in song to +any but the right persons, except indeed it was for some further and +higher end justifying the sacrifice, appeared to her a kind of +immodesty, a taking of her heart from its case, and holding it out at +arm's length. He was astonished and yet more delighted. He was in the +presence of a power! But all he knew of power was in society-relations. +It was not a spirit of might he recognized, for the opening of minds and +the strengthening of hearts, but an influence of pleasing for +self-aggrandizement. Feeling it upon himself, he thought of it in its +operation upon others, and was filled with a respect rising almost to +the height of what reverence he was capable of. He followed her swiftly +to the window, and through the gathering shadows of the evening she saw +his eyes shine as he addressed her. + +"I hardly know what I am about, Miss Raymount," he said, "except that I +hear my own voice daring to address the finest non-professional singer I +have ever yet heard." + +Hester, to her own disgust and annoyance, felt her head give itself a +toss she had never intended; but it was a true toss nevertheless, for +she neither liked having attracted his admiration by such a song, nor +the stress he laid on the word _non-professional_: did it not imply +that she was not songstress enough for the profession of song? + +"Excuse me, Mr. Vavasor, but how do you know I am not a professional +singer?" she said with some haughtiness. + +"Had you been," answered Vavasor with concealed caution, "I should have +learned the fact from your brother." + +"Have you learned from him that I could sing at all?" + +"To confess the strange truth, he never told me you were musical." + +"Very well?" + +"I beg your pardon." + +"I mean, how then do you know I am not a professional singer?" + +"All London would have known it." + +This second reply, better conceived, soothed Hester's vanity--of which +she had more than was good for her, seeing the least speck of it in the +noblest is a fly in the cream. + +"What would you say," she rejoined, "if Corney were to tell to you that +the reason of his silence was that, while I was in training, we judged +it more prudent, with possible failure ahead, to be silent?" + +"I should say you cherished a grand ambition, and one in which you could +not fail of success," replied Vavasor, who began to think she was +leading him gently to the truth. + +But Hester was in a wayward mood, and inclined to _prospect_. + +"Suppose such was not really Corney's reason," she resumed, "but that he +thought it degraded him to be the brother of an intended +professional--what would you say to that?" + +"I should tell him he was a fool. He cannot know his Burke," he added +laughingly, "to be ignorant of the not inconsiderable proportion of +professional blood mixed with the blue in our country." + +It was not in Vavasor's usual taste: he had forgotten his best manners. +But in truth he never had any best manners: comparatively few have +anything but second-best, as the court of the universe will one day +reveal. Hester did not like the remark, and he fancied from her look she +had misunderstood him. + +"Many a singer and actress too has married a duke or a marquis," he +supplemented in explanation. + +"What sort of a duke or marquis?" asked Hester, in a studiedly wooden +way. "It was the more shame to them," she added. + +"Pardon me. I cannot allow that it would be any shame to the best of our +nobility--" + +"I beg your pardon--I meant to the professionals," interrupted Hester. + +Vavasor was posed. To her other eccentricities it seemed Miss Raymount +added radicalism--and that not of the palest pink! But happily for him, +Cornelius, who had been all the time making noises on the piano, at this +point appeared at the window. + +"Come, Hetty," he said, "sing that again. I shall sing it ever so much +better after! Come, I will play the accompaniment." + +"It's not worth singing. It would choke me--poor, vapid, vulgar thing!" + +"Hullo, sis!" cried Cornelius; "it's hardly civil to use such words +about any song a fellow cares to sing!" + +Hester's sole answer was a smile, in which, and I am afraid it was +really there, Vavasor read contempt, and liked her none the worse for +it. Cornelius turned in offense, went back to the piano, and sang the +song again--not one hair better--in just the same nerveless, indifferent +fashion as before; for how shall one who has no soul, put soul into a +song? + +Mrs. Raymount was sitting at the fireside with her embroidery. She had +not spoken since tea, but now she called Hester, and said to her +quietly-- + +"Don't provoke him, Hester. I am more than delighted to find he has +begun to take an interest in music. It is a taste that will grow upon +him. Coax him to let you teach him--and bear with him if he should sing +out of tune.--It is nothing wicked!" she added with a mother-smile. + +Hester was silent. Her conscience rebuked her more than her heart. She +went up to him and said-- + +"Corney, dear, let me find you a song worth singing." + +"A girl can't choose for a man. You're sure to fix on some sentimental +stuff or other not fit to sing!" + +"My goodness, Corney!" cried Hester, "what do you call the song you've +just been singing?" + + In the days when my heart was aching + Like the shell of an overtuned lyre. + + +"Ha! ha! ha!" + +She laughed prettily, not scornfully, then striking an attitude of the +mock heroic, added, on the spur of the moment-- + + "And the oven was burning, not baking, + The tarts of my soul's desire!" + + +--for at the moment one of those fumes the kitchen was constantly firing +at the drawing-room, came storming up as if a door had been suddenly +opened in yet lower regions. Cornelius was too much offended and +self-occupied to be amused, but both Mrs. Raymount and Vavasor laughed, +the latter recognizing in Hester's extemporization a vein similar to his +own. But Hester was already searching, and presently found a song to her +mind--one, that was, fit for Cornelius. + +"Come now, Corney," she said; "here is a song I should like you to be +able to sing!" + +With that she turned to the keys, and sang a spirited ballad, of which +the following was the first stanza: + + This blow is for my brother: + You lied away his life; + This for his weeping mother, + This for your own sweet wife; + For you told that lie of another + To pierce her heart with its knife. + + +And now indeed the singer was manifest; genius was plainly the soul of +her art, and her art the obedient body to the informing genius. Vavasor +was utterly enchanted, but too world-eaten to recognize the soul she +almost waked in him for any other than the old one. Her mother thought +she had never heard her sing so splendidly before. + +The ballad was of a battle between two knights, a good and a +bad--something like Browning's _Count Gismond_: the last two lines +of it were-- + + So the lie went up in the face of heaven + And melted in the sun. + + +When Hester had sung these, she rose at once, her face white, her mouth +set and her eyes gleaming. Vavasor felt _almost_ as if he were no +longer master of himself, _almost_ as if he would have fallen down +to kiss the hem of her garment, had he but dared to go near her. But she +walked from the room vexed with the emotion she was unable to control, +and did not again appear. + +The best thing in Vavasor was his love of music. He had cultivated not a +little what gift he had, but it was only a small power, not of +production, but of mere reproduction like that of Cornelius, though both +finer and stronger in quality. He did not really believe in music--he +did not really believe in anything except himself. He professed to adore +it, and imagined he did, because his greatest pleasure lay in hearing his +own verses well sung by a pretty girl who would now and then steal, or +try to steal, a glance at the poet from under her eyelids as she sang. +On his way home he brooded over the delight of having his best songs sung +by such a singer as Hester; and from that night fancied he had received +a new revelation of what music was and could do, confessing to himself +that a similar experience within the next fortnight would send him over +head and ears in love with Hester--which must not be! Cornelius went half +way with him, and to his questions arising from what Miss Raymount had +said about the professional, assured him, 'pon honor, that that was all +Hester's nonsense! + +"_She_ in training for a public singer!--But there's nothing she +likes better than taking a rise out of a fellow," said Cornelius. "She +would as soon think of singing in public as of taking a bar-maid's place +in a public-house!" + +"But why did you never tell me your sister was such an awful swell of a +singer?" asked Vavasor. + +"Do you think so? She ought to feel very much flattered! Why I didn't +tell you?--Oh, I don't know! I never heard her sing like that before. +Upon my word I never did. I suppose it was because you were there. A +brother's nobody, don't you know?" + +This flattered Vavasor, as how should it not? and without the least idea +of whither the spirit in the feet of his spirit was leading him, he went +as often to the Raymounts' lodging as for very shame of intrusion he +dared--that is, all but every night. But having, as he thought, +discovered and learned thoroughly to understand her special vein, as he +called it, he was careful not to bring any of his own slight windy +things of leaf-blowing songs under Hester's notice--not, alas! that he +thought them such, but that he judged it prudent to postpone the +pleasure: she would require no small amount of training before she could +quite enter into the spirit and special merit of them! + +In the meantime as he knew a good song sometimes when he saw it, always +when he heard her sing it, never actually displeased her with any he did +bring under her notice, had himself a very tolerable voice, and was +capable of managing it with taste and judgment, also of climbing upon +the note itself to its summit, and of setting right with facility any +fault explained to him, it came about by a scale of very natural +degrees, that he found himself by and by, not a little to his +satisfaction, in the relation to her of a pupil to a teacher. Hester in +truth gave herself a good deal of trouble with him, in the endeavor, by +no means an unsuccessful one, to improve the quality of his singing--his +style, his expression, and even his way of modeling his tones. The +relation between them became therefore one which, had it then lasted, +might have soon led to something like genuine intimacy--at least to some +truer notion on the part of each of the kind of being the other was. But +the day of separation arrived first; and it was only on his way back to +London that Vavasor began to discover what a hold the sister of his +fellow-clerk had taken of his thoughts and indeed of his heart--of the +existence of which organ he had never before had any very convincing +proof. + +All the time he had not once brought his aunt and the Raymounts +together. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +HESTER AND AMY. + + +Hester did not miss Vavasor quite so much as he hoped she might, or as +perhaps he believed she did. She had been interested in him mainly +because she found him both receptive and capable of development in the +matter of music--ready to understand, that is, and willing to be taught. +To have such a man listen with respect to every word she said, never +denying, defending or justifying what she might point out as a fault, +but setting himself at once to the correction of the same, and in +general with some measure of immediate success, could not fail to be not +merely pleasant but flattering to her. Brothers, I suspect, have a good +deal to answer for in the estimation of men by their sisters; their +behavior at home leads them to prize the civilities of other men more +highly than they deserve; brothers, I imagine, have therefore more to do +than they will like to learn, with the making of those inferior men +acceptable to their sisters, whose very presence is to themselves an +annoyance. Women so seldom see a noble style of behavior at home!--so +few are capable of distinguishing between ceremony and courtesy between +familiarity and rudeness--of dismissing ceremony and retaining courtesy, +of using familiarity and banishing rudeness! The nearer persons come to +each other, the greater is the room and the more are the occasions for +courtesy; but just in proportion to their approach the gentleness of +most men diminishes. Some will make the poor defense that it is unmanly +to show one's feelings: it is unmanly, because conceited and cowardly to +hide them, if, indeed, such persons have anything precious to hide. +Other some will say, "Must I weigh my words with my familiar friend as +if I had been but that moment presented to him?" I answer, It were small +labor well spent to see that your coarse-grained evil self, doomed to +perdition, shall not come between your friend and your true, noble, +humble self, fore-ordained to eternal life. The Father cannot bear +rudeness in his children any more than wrong:--my comparison is unfit, +for rudeness is a great and profound wrong, and that to the noblest part +of the human being, while a mere show of indifference is sometimes +almost as bad as the rudest words. And these are of those faults of +which the more guilty a man is, the less is he conscious of the same. + +Vavasor did not move the deepest in Hester. How should he? With that +deepest he had no developed relation. There were worlds of thought and +feeling already in motion in Hester's universe, while the vaporous mass +in him had hardly yet begun to stir. To use another simile, he was +living on the surface of his being, the more exposed to earthquake and +volcanic eruption that he had never yet suspected the existence of the +depths profound whence they rise, while she was already a discoverer in +the abysses of the nature gradually yet swiftly unfolding in her--every +discovery attended with fresh light for the will, and a new sense of +power in the consciousness. When Vavasor was gone she turned with +greater diligence to her musical studies. + +Amy Amber continued devoted to her, and when she was practicing would +hover about her as often and as long as she could. Her singing +especially seemed to enchant and fascinate the girl. But a change had +already begun to show itself in her. The shadow of an unseen cloud was +occasionally visible on her forehead, and unmistakable pools were left +in her eyes by the ebb-tide of tears. In her service, notwithstanding, +she was nowise less willing, scarcely less cheerful. The signs of her +discomfort grew deeper, and showed themselves oftener as the days went +on. She moved about her work with less elasticity, and her smile did not +come so quickly. Both Hester and her mother saw the change, and marked +even an occasional frown. In the morning, when she was always the first +up, she was generally cheerful, but as the day passed the clouds came. +Happily, however, her diligence did not relax. Sound in health, and by +nature as active as cheerful, she took a positive delight in work. Doing +was to her as natural as singing to the birds. In a household with truth +at the heart of it she would have been invaluable, and happy as the day +was long. As it was, she was growing daily less and less happy. + +One night she appeared in Hester's room as usual before going to bed. +The small, neat face had lost for the time a great part of its beauty, +and was dark as a little thunder-cloud. Its black, shadowy brows were +drawn together over its luminous black eyes; its red lips were large and +pouting, and their likeness to a rosebud gone. + +Its cheeks were swollen, and its whole aspect revealed the spirit of +wrath roused at last, and the fire alight in the furnace of the bosom. +She tried to smile, but what came was the smile of a wound rather than a +mouth. + +"My poor Amy! what is the matter?" cried Hester, sorry, but hardly +surprised; for plainly things had been going from bad to worse. + +The girl burst into a passionate fit of weeping. She threw herself in +wild abandonment on the floor, and sobbed; then, as if to keep herself +from screaming aloud, stuffed her handkerchief into her mouth, kicked +with her little feet, and beat her little hands on the floor. She was +like a child in a paroxysm of rage--only that with her its extravagance +came of the effort to overcome it. + +"Amy, dear, you mustn't be naughty!" said Hester, kneeling down beside +her and taking hold of her arm. + +"I'm not naughty, miss--at least I am doing all I can to get over it," +she sobbed. + +Thereupon she ceased suddenly, and sitting up on the floor, her legs +doubled under her in eastern fashion, looked straight at Hester, and +said thoughtfully, as if the question had just come, with force to make +her forget the suffering she was in-- + +"I _should_ like to know how you would do in my place--that I +should, miss!" + +The words spoken, her eyes fell, and she sat still as a statue, seeming +steadfastly to regard her own lap. + +"I am afraid, if I were in your place, I should do nothing so well as +you, Amy," said Hester. "But come, tell me what is the matter. What puts +you in such a misery?" + +"Oh, it's not one thing nor two things nor twenty things!" answered Amy, +looking sullen with the feeling of heaped-up wrong. "What _would_ +my mother say to see me served so! _She_ used to trust me +everywhere and always! I don't understand how those two prying +suspicious old maids _can_ be _my_ mother's sisters!" + +She spoke slowly and sadly, without raising her eyes. + +"Don't they behave well to you, my poor child?" said Hester. + +"It's not," returned Amy, "that they watch every bit I put in my +mouth--I don't complain of that, for they're poor--at least they're +always saying so, and of course they want to make the most of me; but +not to be trusted one moment out of their sight except they know exactly +where I am--to be always suspected, and followed and watched, and me +working my hardest--that's what drives me wild, Miss Raymount. I'm +afraid they'll make me hate them out and out--and them my own flesh and +blood, too, which can't but be wicked! I bore it very well for a while, +for at first it only amused me. I said to myself, 'They'll soon know me +better!' But when I found they only got worse, I got tired of it +altogether; and when I got tired of it I got cross, and grew more and +more cross, till now I can't _bear_ it. I'm not used to be cross, +and my own crossness is much harder to bear than theirs. If I could have +kept the good temper people used to praise me for to my mother, I +shouldn't mind; but it _is_ hard to lose it this way! I don't know +how to get on without it! If there don't come a change somehow soon, I +shall run away--I shall indeed, Miss Raymount. There are many would be +glad enough to have me for the work I can get through." + +She jumped to her feet, gave a little laugh, merry-sad, and before +Hester could answer her, said-- + +"You're going away so soon, miss! Let me do your hair to-night. I want +to brush it every night till you go." + +"But you are tired, my poor child!" said Hester compassionately. + +"Not too tired for that: it will rest me, and bring back my good temper, +It will come to me again through your hair, miss." + +"No, no, Amy," said Hester, a little conscience-stricken, "you can't +have any of mine. I have none to spare. You will rather brush some into +me, Amy. But do what you like with my hair." + +As Amy lovingly combed and brushed the long, wavy overflow of Hester's +beauty, Hester tried to make her understand that she must not think of +good-temper and crossness merely as things that could be put into her +and taken out of her. She tried to make her see that nothing really our +own can ever be taken from us by any will or behavior of another; that +Amy had had a large supply of good-temper laid ready to her hand, but +that it was not hers until she had made it her own by choosing and +willing to be good-tempered when she was disinclined--holding it fast +with the hand of determination when the hand of wrong would snatch it +from her. + +"Because I have a book on my shelves," she said, "it is not therefore +mine; when I have read and understood it, then it is a little mine; when +I love it and do what it tells me, then it is altogether mine: it is +like that with a good temper: if you have it sometimes, and other times +not, then it is not yours; it lies in you like that book on my table--a +thing priceless were it your own, but as it is, a thing you can't keep +even against your poor weak old aunts." + +As she said all this, Hester felt like a hypocrite, remembering her own +sins. Amy Amber listened quietly, brushing steadily all the time, but +scarcely a shadow of Hester's meaning crossed her mind. If she was in a +good temper, she was in a good temper; if she was in a bad temper, why +there she was, she and her temper! She had not a notion of the +possibility of having a hand in the making of her own temper--not a +notion that she was in any manner or measure accountable in regard to +the temper she might find herself in. Could she have been persuaded to +attempt to overcome it, the moment she failed, as of course every one +will many times, Amy would have concluded the thing required an +impossibility. Yet the effort she made, and with success, to restrain +the show of her anger, was far from slight. But for this, there would, +long ere now, have been rain and wind, thunder and lightning between her +and her aunts. She was alive without the law, not knowing what mental +conflict was; the moment she recognized that she was bound to conquer +herself, she would die in conscious helplessness, until strength and +hope were given her from the well of the one pure will. + +Hester kissed her, and though she had not understood, she went to bed a +little comforted. When the Raymounts departed, two or three days after, +they left her at the top of the cliff-stair, weeping bitterly. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +AT HOME. + + +When the Raymounts reached London, hardly taking time to unpack her box, +Hester went to see her music-mistress, and make arrangement for +re-commencing study with her. + +Miss Dasomma was one of God's angels; for if he makes his angels winds, +and his ministers a flaming fire, much more are those live fountains +which carry his gifts to their thirsting fellows his angels. Meeting not +very rarely with vulgar behavior in such as regarded her from the +heights of rank or money, she was the more devoted to a pupil who looked +up to her as she deserved, recognizing in her a power of creation. Of +Italian descent, of English birth, and of German training, she had lived +in intimacy with some of the greatest composers of her day, but the +enthusiasm for her art which possessed her was mainly the outcome of her +own genius. Hence it was natural that she should exercise a forming +influence on every pupil at all worthy of her, and without her Hester +could never have become what she was. For not merely had she opened her +eyes to a vision of Music in something of her essential glory, but, +herself capable of the hardest and truest work, had taught her the +absolute necessity of labor to one who would genuinely enjoy, not to say +cause others to enjoy, what the masters in the art had brought out of +the infinite. Hester had doubtless heard and accepted the commonplaces +so common concerning the dignity and duty of labor--as if labor mere +were anything irrespective of its character, its object and end! but +without Miss Dasomma she would not have learned that Labor is grand +officer in the palace of Art; that at the root of all ease lies slow, +and, for long, profitless-seeming labor, as at the root of all grace +lies strength; that ease is the lovely result of forgotten toil, sunk +into the spirit, and making it strong and ready; that never worthy +improvisation flowed from brain of poet or musician unused to perfect +his work with honest labor; that the very disappearance of toil is by +the immolating hand of toil itself. He only who bears his own burden can +bear the burden of another; he only who has labored shall dwell at ease, +or help others from the mire to the rock. + +Miss Dasomma was ready to begin at once, and Hester gradually increased +her hours of practice, till her mother interfered lest she should injure +her health. But there was in truth little danger, for Hester was forcing +nothing--only indulging to the full her inclination, eager to perfect +her own delight, and the more eager that she was preparing delight for +others. + +They had not been home more than a week, when one Sunday morning, that +is at four o'clock in the afternoon, Mr. Vavasor called--which was not +quite agreeable to Mrs. Raymount, who liked their Sundays kept quiet. He +was shown to Mr. Raymount's study. + +"I am sorry," he said, "to call on a Sunday, but I am not so enviably +situated as you, Mr. Raymount; I have not my time at my command. When +other people make their calls. I am a prisoner." + +He spoke as if his were an exceptional case, and the whole happy world +beside reveled in morning calls. + +Mr. Raymount was pleased with him afresh, for he spoke modestly, with +implicit acknowledgment of the superior position of the elder man. They +fell to talking of the prominent question of the day, and Mr. Raymount +was yet more pleased when he found the young aristocrat ready to receive +enlightenment upon it. But the fact was that Vavasor cared very little +about the matter, and had a facility for following where he was led; +and, always preferring to make himself agreeable where there was no +restraining reason, why should he not gratify the writer of articles by +falling in with what he advanced? He had a light, easy way of touching +on things, as if all his concessions, conclusions, and concurrences were +merest matter of course; and thus making himself appear master of the +situation over which he merely skimmed on insect-wing. Mr. Raymount took +him not merely for a man of thought but one of some originality +even--capable at least of forming an opinion of his own, as is, he was +in the habit of averring, not one in ten thousand. + +In relation to the wider circle of the country, Mr. Vavasor was so +entirely a nobody, that the acquaintance of a writer even so partially +known as Mr. Raymount was something to him. There is a tinselly halo +about the writer of books that affects many minds the most +_practical_, so called; they take it to indicate power, which, with +most, means ability in the direction of one's own way, or his party's, +and so his own in the end. Since his return he had instituted inquiries +concerning Mr. Raymount, and finding both him and his family in good +repute, complained of indeed as exclusive, he had told his aunt as much +concerning them as he judged prudent, hinting it would give him pleasure +if she should see fit to call upon Mrs. Raymount. Miss Vavasor being, +however, naturally jealous of the judgment of young men, pledged herself +to nothing, and made inquiries for herself. Learning thereby at length, +after much resultless questioning--for her world but just touched in its +course the orbit of that of the Raymounts--that there was rather a +distinguished-looking girl in the family, and having her own ideas for +the nephew whose interests she had, for the sake of the impending title +made her own, she delayed and put off and talked the thing over, and at +last let it rest; while he went the oftener to see the people she thus +declined calling upon. + +On this his first visit he stayed the evening, and was afresh installed +as a friend of the family. Although it was Sunday, and her ideas also a +little strict as to religious proprieties, Hester received him cordially +where her mother received him but kindly; and falling into the old ways, +he took his part in the hymns, anthems, and what other forms of sacred +music followed the family-tea: and so the evening passed without +irksomeness--nor the less enjoyably that Cornelius was spending it with +a friend. + +The tone, expression, and power of Hester's voice astonished Vavasor +afresh. He was convinced, and told her so, that even in the short time +since he heard it last, it had improved in all directions. And when, +after they had had enough of singing, she sat down and extemporized in a +sacred strain, turning the piano almost into an organ with the sympathy +of her touch, and weaving holy airs without end into the unrolling web +of her own thought, Vavasor was so moved as to feel more kindly disposed +toward religion--by which he meant "going to church, and all that sort +of thing, don't you know? "--than ever in his life before. He did not +call the next Sunday, but came on the Saturday; and the only one present +who was not pleased with him was Miss Dasomma, who happened also to +spend the evening there. + +I have already represented Hester's indebtedness to her teacher as such +that therein she would be making discoveries all her life. Devout as +well as enthusiastic, human as well as artistic, she was not an angel of +music only, but had for many years been a power in the family for +good--as indeed in every family in which she counted herself doing +anything worth doing. Much too generous and helpful to have saved money, +she was now, in middle age, working as hard as she had ever worked in +her youth. Not a little experienced in the ways of the world, and +possessing a high ideal in the memories of a precious friendship, +against which to compare the ways of smaller mortals, she did not find +her atmosphere gladdened by the presence of Mr. Vavasor's. With tact +enough to take his cue from the family, he treated her with studious +politeness; but Miss Dasomma did not like Mr. Vavasor. She had to think +before she could tell why, for there is a spiritual instinct also, which +often takes the lead of the understanding, and has to search and analyze +itself for its own explanation. But the question once roused, she +prosecuted it, and in the shadow of a curtain, while Hester was playing, +watched his countenance, trying to read it--to read, that is, what the +owner of that face never meant to write, but could no more help writing +there than he could help having a face. What a man is lies as certainly +upon his countenance as in his heart, though none of his acquaintance +may be able to read it. Their very intercourse with him may have +rendered it more difficult. + +Miss Dasomma's conclusion was, that Vavasor was a man of good +instincts--as perhaps who is not?--but without moral development, +pleased with himself, and not undesirous of pleasing others consistently +with his idea of dignity--at present more than moderately desirous of +pleasing Hester Raymount, therefore showing to the best possible +advantage. "But," thought Miss Dasomma, "if this be his best, what may +not his worst be?" That he had no small capacity for music was plain, +but if, as she judged, the faculty was unassociated in him with truth of +nature, that was so much to the other side of his account, inasmuch as +it rendered him the more dangerous. For, at Hester's feet in the rare +atmosphere and faint twilight of music, how could he fail to impress her +with an opinion of himself more favorable than just? To interfere, +however, where was no solid ground, would be to waste the power that +might be of use; but she was confident that if for a moment Hester saw +him as she did, she could no more look on him with favor. At the same +time she did not think he could be meaning more than the mere passing of +his time agreeably; she knew well the character of his aunt, and the +relation in which he stood to her. In any case she could for the present +only keep a gentle watch over the mind of her pupil. But that pupil had +a better protection in the sacred ambition stirring in her. Concerning +that she had not as yet held communication even with the one best able +to understand it. For Hester had already had sufficient experience to +know that it is a killing thing to talk about what you mean to do. It is +to let the wind in upon a delicate plant, requiring a long childhood +under glass, open to sun and air, closed to wind and frost. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +A BEGINNING. + + +The Raymounts lived in no fashionable or pseudo-fashionable part of +London, but in a somewhat peculiar house, though by no means such +outwardly, in an old square in the dingy, smoky, convenient, healthy +district of Bloomsbury. One of the advantages of this position to a +family with soul in it, that strange essence which _will_ go out +after its kind, was, that on two sides at least it was closely pressed +by poor neighbors. Artisans, small tradespeople, out-door servants, poor +actors and actresses lived in the narrow streets thickly branching away +in certain directions. Hence, most happily for her, Hester had grown up +with none of that uncomfortable feeling so many have when brought even +into such mere contact with the poor as comes of passing through their +streets on foot--a feeling often in part composed of fear, often in part +of a false sense of natural superiority, engendered of being better +dressed, better housed, and better educated. It was in a measure owing +to her having been from childhood used to the sight of such, that her +sympathies were so soon and so thoroughly waked on the side of suffering +humanity. With parents like hers she had never been in danger of having +her feelings or her insight blunted by the assumption of such a relation +to the poor as that of spiritual police-agent, one who arrogates the +right of walking into their houses without introduction, and with at +best but faint apology: to show respect if you have it, is the quickest +way to teach reverence; if you do not show respect, do not at least +complain should the recoil of your own behavior be more powerful than +pleasant: if you will shout on the mountain side in spring, look out for +avalanches. + +Those who would do good to the poor must attempt it in the way in which +best they could do good to people of their own standing. They must make +their acquaintance first. They must know something of the kind of the +person they would help, to learn if help be possible from their hands. +Only man can help man; money without man can do little or nothing, most +likely less than nothing. As our Lord redeemed the world by being a man, +the true Son of the true Father, so the only way for a man to help men +is to be a true man to this neighbor and that. But to seek acquaintance +with design is a perilous thing, nor unlikely to result in +disappointment, and the widening of the gulf both between the +individuals, and the classes to which they belong. It seems to me that, +in humble acceptance of common ways, we must follow the leadings of +providence, and make acquaintance in the so-called lower classes by the +natural working of the social laws that bring men together. What is the +divine intent in the many needs of humanity, and the consequent +dependence of the rich on the poor, even greater than that of the poor +on the rich, but to bring men together, that in far-off ways at first +they may be compelled to know each other? The man who treats his fellow +as a mere mean for the supply of his wants, and not as a human being +with whom he has to do, is an obstructing clot in the human circulation. + +Does any one ask for rules of procedure? I answer, there are none to be +had; such must be discovered by each for himself. The only way to learn +the rules of any thing practical is to begin to do the thing. We have +enough of knowledge in us--call it insight, call it instinct, call it +inspiration, call it natural law, to begin any thing required of us. The +sole way to deal with the profoundest mystery that is yet not too +profound to draw us, is to begin to do some duty revealed by the light +from the golden fringe of its cloudy vast. If it reveal nothing to be +done, there is nothing there for us. No man can turn his attention in +the mere direction of a thing, without already knowing enough of that +thing to carry him further in the knowledge of it by the performance of +what it involves of natural action. Let every simplest relation towards +human being, if it be embodied but in the act of buying a reel of cotton +or a knife, be recognized as a relation with, a meeting of that human +soul. In its poor degree let its outcome be in truth and friendliness. +Allow nature her course, and next time let the relation go farther. To +follow such a path is the way to find both the persons to help and the +real modes of helping them. In fact, to be true to a man in any way is +to help him. He who goes out of common paths to look for opportunity, +leaves his own door and misses that of his neighbor. It is by following +the path we are in that we shall first reach somewhere. He who does as I +say will find his acquaintance widen and widen with growing rapidity; +his heart will fill with the care of humanity, and his hands with its +help. Such care will be death to one's own cares, such help balm to +one's own wounds. In a word, he must cultivate, after a simple human +manner, the acquaintance of his neighbors, who would be a neighbor where +a neighbor may be wanted. So shall he fulfil the part left behind of the +work of the Master, which He desires to finish through him. + +Of course I do not imagine that Hester understood this. She had no +theory of carriage towards the poor, neither confined her hope of +helping to them. There are as many in every other class needing help as +among the poor, and the need, although it wear different dresses, is +essentially the same in all. To make the light go up in the heart of a +rich man, if a more difficult task, is just as good a deed as to make it +go up in the heart of a poor man. But with her strong desire to carry +help where it was needed, with her genuine feeling of the blood +relationship of all human beings, with her instinctive sense that one +could never begin too soon to do that which had to be done, she was in +the right position to begin; and from such a one opportunity will not be +withheld. + +She went one morning into a small shop in Steevens's Road, to buy a few +sheets of music-paper. The woman who kept it had been an acquaintance +almost from the first day of their abode in the neighborhood. In the +course of their talk Mrs. Baldwin mentioned that she was in some anxiety +about a woman in the house who was far from well, and in whom she +thought Mrs. Raymount would be interested. + +"Mamma is always ready," said Hester, "to help where she can. Tell me +about her." + +"Well, you see, miss," replied Mrs. Baldwin, "we're not in the way of +having to do with such people, for my husband's rather particular about +who he lets the top rooms to; only let them we must to one or another, +for times is hard an' children is many, an' it's all as we can do to pay +our way an' nothing over; only thank God we've done it up to this +present; an' the man looked so decent, as well as the woman, an' that +pitiful-like--more than she did--that I couldn't have the heart to send +them away such a night as it was, bein' a sort o' drizzly an' as cold as +charity, an' the poor woman plainly not in a state to go wanderin' about +seekin' a place to lay her head; though to be sure there's plenty o' +places for such like, only as the poor man said himself, they did want +to get into a decent place, which it wasn't easy to get e'er a one as +would take them in. They had three children with them, the smallest o' +them pickaback on the biggest; an' it's strange, miss--I never could +compass it, though I atten' chapel reg'lar--how it goes to yer heart I +mean, to see one human bein' lookin' arter another! But my husban', as +was natural, he bein' a householder, an' so many of his own, was shy o' +children; for children, you know, miss, 'cep' they be yer own, ain't +nice things about a house; an' them poor things wouldn't be a credit +nowheres, for they're ragged enough--an' a good deal more than +enough--only they were pretty clean, as poor children go, an' there was +nothing, as I said to him, in the top-rooms, as they could do much harm +to. The man said theirs weren't like other children, for they had been +brought up to do the thing as they were told, an' to remember that +things that belonged to other people was to be handled as sich; an', +said he, they were always too busy earnin' their bread to be up to +tricks, an' in fact were always too tired to have much spare powder to +let off; so the long an' short on it was, we took 'em in, an' they've +turned out as quiet an' well-behaved a family as you could desire; an' +if they ain't got jest the most respectable way o' earnin' their +livelihood, that may be as much their misfortin as their fault, as my +husband he said. An' I'm sure it's not lettin' lodgin's to sich I ever +thought I should come to--though, for the matter o' that, I never could +rightly understand what made one thing respectable an' another not." + +"What is their employment then?" asked Hester. + +"Something or other in the circus-way, as far as I can make out from +what they tell me. Anyway they didn't seem to have no engagement when +they come to the door, but they paid the first week down afore they +entered. You see, miss, the poor woman she give me a kind of a look up +into the face that reminded me of my Susie, as I lost, you know, miss, a +year ago--it was that as made me feel to hate the thought of sending her +away. Oh, miss, ain't it a mercy everybody ain't so like your own! We'd +have to ruin ourselves for them--we couldn't help it!" + +"It will come to that one day, though," said Hester to herself, "and +then we sha'n't he ruined either." + +"So then!" Mrs. Baldwin went on, "the very next day as was, the doctor +had to be sent for, an' there was a babby! The doctor he come from the +'ospital, as nice a gentleman as you'd wish to see, miss, an' waited on +her as if she'd been the first duchess in the land. 'I'm sure,' said my +good husban' to me, 'it's a lesson to all of us to see how he do look +after her as'll never pay him a penny for the care as he's takin' of +her!' But my husban' he's that soft hearted, miss, where anything i' the +baby-line's a goin' on! an' now the poor thing's not at all strong, an' +ain't a-gettin' back of her stren'th though we do what we can with her, +an' send her up what we can spare. You see they pay for their +house-room, an' then ain't got much over!" added the good woman in +excuse of her goodness. "But I fancy it's more from anxiety as to what's +to come to them, than that anything's gone wrong with her. They're not +out o' money yet quite, I'm glad to say, though he don't seem to ha' got +nothing to do yet, so far as I can make out; they're rather close like. +That sort o' trade, ye see, miss, the demand's not steady in it. It's +not like skilled labor, as my husban' says; though to see what them +young ones has to go through, it's labor enough an' to spare; an' if it +ain't just what they call skilled, it's what no one out o' the trade can +make a mark at. Would you mind goin' up an' havin' a look at her, miss?" + +Hester begged Mrs. Baldwin to lead the way, and followed her up the +stairs. + +The top-rooms were two poor enough garret ones, nowise too good, it +seemed to Hester, for the poorest of human kind. In the largest, the +ceiling sloped to the floor till there was but just height enough left +for the small chest of drawers of painted deal to stand back to the +wall. A similar washstand and a low bed completed the furniture. The +last was immediately behind the door, and there lay the woman, with a +bolster heightened by a thin petticoat and threadbare cloak under her +head. Hester saw a pale, patient, worn face, with eyes large, +thoughtful, and troubled. + +"Here's a kind lady come to see you, Mrs.!" said her landlady. + +This speech annoyed Hester. She hated to be called kind, and perhaps +spoke the more kindly to the poor woman that she was displeased with +Mrs. Baldwin's patronizing of her. + +"It's dreary for you to lie here alone, I'm afraid," she said, and +stroked the thin hand on the coverlid. "May I sit a few minutes beside +you? I was once in bed for a whole month, and found it very wearisome. I +was at school then. I don't mind being ill when I have my mother." + +The woman gazed up at her with eyes that looked like the dry wells of +tears. + +"It's very kind of you, miss!" she said. "It's a long stair to come +up." + +She lay and gazed, and said nothing more. Her life was of a negative +sort just at present. Her child lay asleep on her arm, a poor little +washed-out rag of humanity, but evidently dear from the way she now and +then tried to look at it, which was not easy to her. + +Hester sat down and tried to talk, but partly from the fear of tiring +one too weak to answer more than a word now and then, she found it hard +to get on. Religion she could not talk off-hand. Once in her life she +had, from a notion of duty, made the attempt, with the consequence of +feeling like a hypocrite. For she found herself speaking so of the +things she fed on in her heart as to make them look to herself the +merest commonplaces in the world! Could she believe in them, and speak +of them, with such dull dogmatic stupidity? She came to the conclusion +that she had spoken without a message, and since then she had taken care +not to commit the offence again. + +A dead silence came. + +"What can be the good of a common creature like me going to visit +people?" she said to herself. "I have nothing to say--feel nothing in +me--but a dull love that would bless if it could! And what would words +be if I had them?" + +For a few moments she sat thus silent, growing more and more +uncomfortable. But just ere the silent became unendurable, a thought +appeared in the void. + +"What a fool I am!" she said again to herself. "I am like little Mark +when he cried because he had only a shilling and saw a boy spend a penny +on a lovely spotted horse! Here have I been all my life wanting to give +my fellow-creatures a large share of my big cake, and the first time I +have an opportunity, I forget all about it! Here it lies locked in my +chest, like a dead bird in its cage!" + +A few more moments she sat silent but no longer embarrassed thinking how +to begin. The baby woke and began to whimper. The mother, who rarely let +him off her arm, because then she was not able to take him till help +came, drew him to her, and began to nurse him; and the heart of the +young, strong woman was pierced to the quick at sight of how ill fitted +was the mother for what she had to do. "Can God be love?" she said to +herself. "If I could help her! It will go on like this for weeks and +months, I suppose!" + +She had yet to learn that the love of God is so deep he can be satisfied +with nothing less than getting as near as it is possible for the Father +to draw nigh to his children--and that is into absolute contact of heart +with heart, love with love, being with being. And as that must be +wrought out from the deepest inside, divine law working itself up +through our nature into our consciousness and will, and claiming us as +divine, who can tell by what slow certainties of approach God is drawing +nigh to the most suffering of his creatures? Only, if we so comfort +ourselves with such thoughts as to do nothing, we, when God and they +meet, shall find ourselves out in the cold--cold infinitely worse than +any trouble this world has to show. The baby made no complaint against +the slow fountain of his life, but made the best he could of it, while +his mother every now and then peered down on him as lovingly as ever +happy mother on her first-born. The same God is at the heart of all +mothers, and all sins against children are against the one Father of +children, against the Life itself. + +A few moments only, and Hester began to sing--low and soft. Having no +song sought out for the occasion, she took a common hymn, sung in all +churches and chapels, with little thought or feeling in it, the only one +she could think of. I need not say she put into it as much of sweetness +and smoothing strength as she could make the sounds hold, and so perhaps +made up a little for its lack. It is a curious question why sacred song +should so often be dull and commonplace. With a trembling voice she +sang, and with more anxiety and shyness than she remembered having ever +felt. It was neither a well-instructed nor critically disposed audience +she had, but the reason was that never before had she been so anxious +for some measure of success. Not daring to look up, she sat like one +rebuked, with the music flowing over her lips like the slow water from +the urn of some naiad of stone fountain. She had her reward; for when +the hymn was done, and she at length ventured to raise her eyes, she saw +both mother and babe fast asleep. Her heart ascended on a wave of thanks +to the giver of song. She rose softly, crept from the house, and +hastened home to tell her mother what she had heard and seen. The same +afternoon a basket of nice things arrived at the shop for the poor +lodger in the top-room. + +The care of the Raymounts did not relax till she was fairly on her feet +again; neither till then did a day pass on which Hester did not see her, +and scarcely one on which she did not sing to her and her baby. Several +times she dressed the child, singing to him all the time. It was +generally in the morning she went, because then she was almost sure to +find them alone. Of the father she had seen next to nothing. On the few +occasions when he happened to be at home, the moment she entered he +crept out, with a shy, humble salutation, as if ashamed of himself. All +she had ever had time to see was that he was a man of middle height, +with a strong face and frame, dressed like a workman. The moment he rose +to go, his three boys rose also, and following him from the room seemed +to imitate his salutation as they passed her--all but the youngest, who +made her a profound bow accompanied by a wonderful smile. The eldest was +about the age of twelve, the youngest about seven. They were rather +sickly looking, but had intelligent faces and inoffensive expressions. + +Mrs. Baldwin continued to bear the family good witness. She confessed +they never seemed to have much to eat, but said they paid their lodgings +regularly, and she had nothing to complain of. The place had indeed been +untidy, not to say dirty, at first, but as soon as the mother was about +again, it began to amend, and now, really, for people in their position, +it was wonderfully well. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +A PRIVATE EXHIBITION. + + +Hester had not been near them for two or three days. It was getting +dusk, but she would just run across the square and down the street, and +look in upon them for a moment. She had not been brought up to fear +putting her foot out of doors unaccompanied. It was but a few steps, and +she knew almost every house she had to pass. To-morrow was Sunday, and +she felt as if she could not go to church without having once more seen +the little flock committed in a measure to her humble charge. Not that +she imagined anything sole in her relation towards them; for she had +already begun to see that we have to take care of _parts_ of each +other, those parts, namely, which we can best help. From the ambition +both of men and women to lord it over individuals have arisen worse +evils perhaps than from a wider love of empery. When a man desires +personal influence or power over any one, he is of the thieves and +robbers who enter not in by the door. But the right and privilege of +ministering belongs to every one who has the grace to claim it and be a +fellow-worker with God. + +Hester found Mrs. Baldwin busy in the shop, and with a nod passed her, +and went up the stair. But when she opened the door, she stood for a +moment hesitating whether to enter, or close it again with an apology +and return, for it seemed as if preparations for a party had been made. +The bed was pushed to the back of the room, and the floor was empty, +except for a cushion or two, like those of an easy chair, lying in the +middle of it. The father and the three boys were standing together near +the fire, like gentlemen on the hearth-rug expecting visitors. She +glanced round in search of the mother. Some one was bending over the bed +in the farther corner; the place was lighted with but a single candle, +and she thought it was she, stooping over her baby; but a moment's gaze +made it plain that the back was that of a man: could it be the doctor +again? Was the poor woman worse? She entered and approached the father, +who then first seeing who it was that had knocked and looked in, pulled +off the cap he invariably wore, and came forward with a bashful yet +eager courtesy. + +"I hope your wife is not worse," said Hester. + +"No', miss, I hope not. She's took a bit bad. We can't always avoid it +in our profession, miss." + +"I don't understand you," she answered, feeling a little uneasy.--Were +there horrors to be revealed of which she had surmised nothing? + +"If you will do us the honor to take a seat, miss, we shall be only too +happy to show you as much as you may please to look upon with favor." + +Hester shuddered involuntarily, but mastered herself. The man saw her +hesitate, and resumed. + +"You see, miss, this is how it was. Dr. Christopher--that's the +gentleman there, a lookin' after mother--he's been that kind to her an' +me an' all on us in our trouble, an' never a crown-piece to offer +him--which I'm sure no lady in the land could ha' been better attended +to than she've been--twixt him an' you, miss--so we thought as how we'd +do our best for him, an' try an' see whether amongst us we couldn't give +him a pleasant evenin' as it were, just to show as we was grateful. So +we axed him to tea, an' he come, like the gen'leman he be, an' so we +shoved the bed aside an' was showin' him a bit on our craft, just a +trick or two, miss--me an' the boys here--stan' forward, Robert an' the +rest of you an' make your bows to the distinguished company as honors +you with their presence to cast an eye on you an' see what you can show +yourselves capable of." + +Here Mr. Christopher--Hester had not now heard his name for the first +time, though she had never seen him before--turned, and approached them. + +"She'll be all right in a minute or two, Franks," he said. + +"You told her, doctor, the boy ain't got the smallest hurt? It 'ud break +my heart nigh as soon as hers to see the Sarpint come to grief." + +"She knows that well enough; only, you see, we can't always help letting +the looks of things get a hold of us in spite of the facts. That's how +so many people come to go out of their wits. But I think for the present +it will be better to drop it." + +Franks turned to Hester to explain. + +"One of the boys, miss--that's him--not much of him--the young Sarpint +of the Prairie, we call him in the trade--he don't seem to ha' much +amiss with him, do he now, miss?--he had a bit of a fall--only on them +pads--a few minutes ago, the more shame to the Sarpint, the rascal!" +Here he pretended to hit the Sarpint, who never moved a coil in +consequence, only smiled. "But he ain't the worse, never a hair--or a +scale I should rather say, to be kensistent. Bless you, we all knows how +to fall equally as well's how to get up again! Only it's the most +remarkable thing, an' you would hardly believe it of any woman, miss, +though she's been married fourteen years come next Candlemas, an' use +they say's a second natur', it's never proved no second nor no third +natur' with her, for she's got no more used to seein' the children, if +it's nothin' but standin' on their heads, than if it was the first time +she'd ever heard o' sich a thing. An' for standin' on my head--I don't +mean me standin' on my own head, that she don't mind no more'n if it was +a pin standin' on its head, which it's less the natur' of a pin to do, +as that's the way she first made acquaintance with me, seein' me for the +first time in her life upside down, which I think sometimes it would be +the better way for women to choose their husbands in general, miss, for +it's a bad lot we are! But as to seein' of her own flesh an' blood, +that's them boys, all on 'em, miss, a standin' on my head, or it might +be one on my head an' the other two on my shoulders, that she never come +to look at fair. She can't abide it, miss. By some strange okylar +delusion she takes me somehow for somewheres about the height of St. +Paul's, which if you was to fall off the ball, or even the dome of the +same, you _might_ break your neck an' a few bones besides, miss. +But bless you, there ain't no danger, an' she knows too, there ain't, +only, as the doctor says, she can't abide the look o' the thing. You +see, miss, we're all too much taken wi' the appearance o' things--the +doctor's right there!--an' if it warn't for that, there's never a +juggler could get on with his tricks, for it's when you're so taken up +with what he wants you to see, that he does the thing he wants you not +to see. But as the doctor thinks it better to drop it, it's drop it we +will, an' wait till a more convenient time--that is, when mother'll be a +bit stronger. For I hope neither you, miss, nor the doctor, won't give +us up quite, seem' as how we have a kind of a claim upon you--an' no +offense, miss, to you, or Mr. Christopher, sir!" + +Hester, from whose presence the man had hitherto always hastened to +disappear, was astonished at this outpouring; but Franks was emboldened +by the presence of the doctor. The moment, however, that his wife heard +him give up thus their little private exhibition in honor of the doctor, +she raised herself on her elbow. + +"Now, you'll do no such a thing, John Franks!" she said with effort. +"It's ill it would become me, for my whims, as I can't help, no more nor +the child there, to prewent you from showin' sich a small attention to +the gentleman as helped me through my trouble--God bless him, for it +can't be no pleasure! So I'm not agoin' to put on no airs as if I was +a fine lady. I've got to get used to't--that's the short an' the long +of it!--Only I'm slow at it!" she added with a sigh, "Up you go, Moxy!" + +Franks looked at the doctor. The doctor nodded his head as much as to +say, "You had better do as she wishes;" but Hester saw that the eyes of +the young man were all the time more watchful of the woman than of the +performance. + +Immediately Franks, with a stage-bow, offered Hester a chair. She +hesitated a moment, for she felt shy of Mr. Christopher: but as she had +more fear of not behaving as she ought to the people she was visiting, +she sat down, and became for the first time in her life a spectator of +the feats of a family of acrobats. + +There might have seemed little remarkable in the display to one in the +occasional habit of seeing such things, and no doubt to Mr. Christopher +it had not much that was new; but to Hester what each and all of them +were capable of was astonishing--more astonishing than pleasant, for she +was haunted for some time after with a vague idea of prevailing +distortion and dislocation. It was satisfactory nevertheless to know +that much labor of a very thorough and persevering sort must have been +expended upon their training before they could have come within sight of +the proficiency they had gained. She believed this proficiency bore +strong witness to some kind of moral excellence in them, and that theirs +might well be a nobler way of life than many in which money is made more +rapidly, and which are regarded as more respectable. There were but two +things in the performance she found really painful: one, that the +youngest seemed hardly equal to the physical effort required in those +tricks, especially which he had as yet mastered but imperfectly: and it +was very plain this was the chief source of trial to the nerves of the +mother. He was a sweet-looking boy, with a pale interesting face, bent +on learning his part, but finding it difficult. The other thing that +pained Hester, was, that the moment they began to perform, the manner of +the father toward his children changed; his appearance also, and the +very quality of his voice changed, so that he seemed hardly the same +man. Just as some men alter their tone and speak roughly when they +address a horse, so the moment Franks assumed the teacher, he assumed +the tyrant, and spoke in a voice between the bark of a dog and the growl +of a brown bear. But the roughness had in it nothing cruel, coming in +part of his having had to teach other boys than his own, whom he found +this mode of utterance assist him in compelling to give heed to his +commands; in part from his idea of the natural embodiment of authority. +He ordered his boys about with sternness, sometimes even fiercely, swore +at them indeed occasionally, and made Hester feel very uncomfortable. + +"Come, come, Franks!" said Mr. Christopher, on one of these outbreaks. + +The man stood silent for a moment "like one forbid," then turning to +Miss Raymount first, and next to his wife, said, taking of his cap, + +"I humbly beg your pardon, ladies. I forgot what company I was in. But +bless you, I mean nothing by it! It's only my way. Ain't it now, +mates--you as knows the old man?" + +"Yes, father; 'tain't nothin' more'n a way you've got," responded the +boys all, the little one loudest. + +"You don't mind it, do you--knowin' as it's only to make you mind what +you're about?" + +"No, father, _we_ don't mind it. Go ahead, father," said the +eldest. + +"But," said Franks, and here interjected an imprecation, vulgarly called +an oath, "if ever I hear one o' you a usin' of sich improper words, I'll +break every bone in his carcase." + +"Yes, father," answered the boys with one accord, + +"It's all very well for fathers," he went on; "an' when you're fathers +yourselves, an' able to thrash me--not as I think you'd want to, kids--I +sha'nt ha' no call to meddle with you. So here goes!" + +Casting a timid glance at Hester, in the assurance that he had set +himself thoroughly right with her, showing himself as regardful of his +boys' manners as could justly be expected of any parent, he proceeded +with his lesson from the point where he had left off. + +As to breaking the boys' bones, there hardly seemed any bones in them to +break; gelatine at best seemed to be what was inside their muscles, so +wonderful were their feats, and their pranks so strange. But their +evident anxiety to please, their glances full of question as to their +success in making their offering acceptable, their unconscious efforts +to supply the lacking excitement of the public gaze, and, more than all, +the occasional appearance amidst the marvels of their performance, in +which their bodies seemed mere india-rubber in response to their wills, +of a strangely mingled touch of pathos, prevailed chiefly to interest +Hester in their endeavor. This last would appear in the occasional +suffering it caused Moxy, the youngest, to do as his father required, +but oftener in the incongruity between the lovely expression of the +boy's face, and the oddity of it when it became the field of certain +comicalities required of him--especially when, stuck through between +his feet, it had to grin like a demon carved on the folding seat of a +choir-stall. Its sweet innocence, and the veil of suffering cast over +its best grin, suggesting one of Raphael's cherubs attempting to play +the imp, Hester found almost discordantly pathetic. She could have +caught the child to her bosom, but alas! she had no right. She was +already beginning to become aware of the difficulty of the question as +to when or how much you may interfere with the outward conditions of +men, or help them save through the channels of the circumstance in which +you find them. The gentle suffering face seemed far from its own sphere, +that of a stray boy-angel come to give her a lesson in the heavenly +patience. His mother, whose yellow hair and clear gray eyes were just +like his, covered her eyes with her hand, though she could not well see +him from where she lay, every time he had to do anything by himself. + +All at once the master of the ceremonies drew 'himself up, and wiping +his forehead, gave a deep sigh, as much as to say, "I have done my best, +and if I have not pleased you, the more is my loss, for I have tried +hard," and the performance was over. + +The doctor rose, and in a manly voice, whose tones were more pleasing to +Hester than the look of the man, which she did not find attractive, +proceeded to point out to Franks one or two precautions which his +knowledge of anatomy enabled him to suggest, with regard to the training +especially of the little Moxy. At the same time he expressed himself +greatly pleased with what his host had been so kind as to show him, +remarking that the power to do such things implied labor more continuous +and severe than would have sufficed to the learning of two or three +trades. In reply, Franks, mistaking the drift of the remark, and +supposing it a gentle remonstrance with what the doctor counted a waste +of labor, said, in a tone that sounded sad in the ears of Hester, + +"What's a fellow to do, sir, when he 'ain't got no dinner? He must take +to the work as takes to him. There was no other trade handy for me. My +father he was a poor laborer, an' died early, o' hard work an' many +mouths. My mother lived but a year after him an' I had to do for the +kids whatever came first to hand. There was two on 'em dead 'atwixt me +an' the next alive, so I was a long way ahead o' the rest, an' I +couldn't ha' seen them goin' to the dogs for want o' bread while I was +learnin' a trade, even if I had had one in my mind more than another, +which I never had. I always was a lively lad, an' for want of anything +better to do, for my father wouldn't have us go to work till we was +strong enough, he said--an' for that matter it turned out well when the +hard time came--I used to amuse myself an' the rest by standin' on my +head an' twistin' of my body into all sorts o' shapes--more'n it could +well ha' been meant for to take. An' when the circus come round, I would +make friends wi' the men, helpin' of 'em to look after their horses, an' +they would sometimes, jest to amuse theirselves, teach me tricks I was +glad enough to learn; an' they did say for a clod-hopper I got on very +well. But that, you see, sir, set my monkey up, an' I took a hoath to +myself I would do what none o' them could do afore I died--an' some +thinks, sir," he added modestly, "as how I've done it--but that's +neither here nor there. The p'int is, that, when my mother followed my +father, an' the rest come upon my hands, I was able at once, goin' about +an' showin' off, to gather a few coppers for 'em. But I soon found it +was precious little I could get, no matter what I could do so long as my +clothes warn't the right thing. So long as I didn't look my trade, they +regarded my best as nothing but a clumsy imitation of my betters, an' +laughed at what circus Joe said he couldn't do no better hisself. So I +plucks up heart an' goes to Longstreet, as was the next market-town, an' +into a draper's shop, an' tells 'em what I wanted, an' what it was for, +promisin' to pay part out o' the first money I got, an' the rest as soon +after as I could. The chaps in the shop, all but one on em', larfed at +me; there's always one, or two p'raps, leastways sech as has been my +expearence, sir an' miss, as is better'n most o' the rest, though it's a +good thing everybody's not so soft-hearted as my wife there, or the +world would soon be turned topsy turvey, an' the rogues have all the +money out o' the good folk's pockets, an' them turned beggars in their +turn, an' then the rogues wouldn't give them nothink, an' so the good +ones would die out, an' the world be full o' nothing but damned +rascals--I beg your pard'n, miss. But as I was sayin', though I fared no +better at the next shop nor the next, there was one good woman I come to +in a little shop in a back street, an' she was a resemblin' of yourself, +miss, an' she took an' set me up in my trade, a givin' of me a few +remnants o' colored calico, God bless her! I set to with my needle, an' +I dressed myself as like a proper clown as I could, an' painted my face +beautiful, an' from that time till they was able to do some'at for +theirselves, I managed to keep the kids in life. It wasn't much more, +you see, but life's life though it bean't tip-top style. An' if they're +none o' them doin' jest so well as they might, there's none o' them been +in pris'n yet, an' that's a comfort as long as it lasts. An' when folk +tells me I'm a doin' o' nothink o' no good, an' my trade's o' no use to +nobody, I says to them, says I, 'Beggin' your pardon, sir, or ma'am, but +do you call it nothink to fill--leastways to _nigh_ fill four +hungry little bellies at home afore I wur fifteen?' An' after that, they +ain't in general said nothink; an' one gen'leman he give me +'alf-a-crown." + +"The best possible answer you could have given, Franks," rejoined Mr. +Christopher. "But I think perhaps you hardly understood what such +objectors meant to say. They might have gone on to explain, only they +hadn't the heart after what you told them, that most trades did +something on both sides--not only fed the little ones at home, but did +good to the persons for whom the work was done; that the man, for +instance, who cobbled shoes, gave a pair of dry feet to some old man at +the same time that he filled his own child's hungry little stomach." + +Franks was silent for a moment, thinking. + +"I understand you, sir," he said. "But I think I knows trades as makes a +deal o' money, an' them they makes it out on's the worse an' not the +better. It's better to stand on a fellow's own head than to sell gin; +an' I 'most think it's as good as the fire-work trade." + +"You are quite right: there's not a doubt of it," answered Mr. +Christopher. "But mind you," he went on, "I don't for a moment agree +with those who tell you your trade is of no use. I was only explaining +to you what they meant; for it's always best to know what people mean, +even where they are wrong." + +"Surely, sir, and I thank you kindly. Everybody's not so fair." + +Here he broke into a quiet laugh, so pleased was he to have the doctor +take his part. + +"I think," Mr. Christopher went on, "to amuse people innocently is often +the only good you can do them. When done lovingly and honestly, it is a +Christian service." + +This rather shocked Hester:--acrobatics a Christian service. With her +grand dawning idea mingled yet some foolish notional remnants. She still +felt as if going to church and there fixing your thoughts on the prayers +and the lessons and the hymns and the sermon was the _serving_ of +God. She turned rather sharply towards the doctor, with a feeling that +honesty called on her to speak; but not a word came to her lips, for the +best of reasons--that not a thought had arisen in answer to his bold +assertion. She was one of the few who know when they have nothing to +say. But Christopher had observed the movement of dissent. + +"Suppose," he went on, but without addressing her more than before, +still turning himself almost exclusively to Franks--"Suppose somebody +walking along Oxford Street, brooding over an injury, and thinking how +to serve the man out that had done it to him. All the numberless persons +and things pass him on both sides and he sees none of them--takes no +notice of anything. But he spies a man in Berners Street, in the middle +of a small crowd, showing them some tricks--we won't say so good as +yours, Mr. Franks, but he stops, and stares, and forgets for a moment or +two that there is one brother-man he hates and would kill if he could." + +Here Hester found words, and said, though all but inaudibly, + +"He would only go away as soon as he had had enough of it, and hate him +all the same!" + +"I know very well," answered Christopher, turning now to her, "it would +not make a good man of him: but, except the ways of the world, its best +ways and all, are to go for nothing in God's plans, it must be something +to have the bad mood in a man stopped for a moment, just as it is +something to a life to check a fever. It gives the godlike in the man, +feeble, perhaps nearly exhausted, a fresh opportunity of revival. For +the moment at least, the man is open to influences from another source +than his hate. If the devil may catch a man at unawares when he is in an +evil or unthinking mood, why should not the good Power take his +opportunity when the evil spirit is asleep through the harping of a +David or the feats of a Franks? I sometimes find, as I come from a +theatre where I have been occupied with the interests of a stirring +play, that, with a sudden rush of intelligence, I understand the things +best worth understanding better than before." + +The illustration would have pleased Hester much had he said "coming out +of a concert-room," for she was not able to think of God being in a +theatre: perhaps that had some relation to her inability to tell Saffy +why God made the animals: she could have found her a reason why he made +the dogs, but not why he made the monkeys. We are surrounded with things +difficult to understand, and the way most people take is not to look at +them lest they should find out they have to understand them. Hester +suspected scepticism under the remarks of the doctor: most doctors, she +believed, had more than a leaning in that direction. But she had herself +begun to have a true notion of serving _man_ at least; therefore +there was no fear of her not coming to see by and by what serving God +meant. She did serve him, therefore she could not fail of finding out +the word that belonged to the act: no one who does not serve him ever +can find out what serving him means. Some people are constantly rubbing +at their skylights, but if they do not keep their other windows clean +also, there will not be much light in the house: God, like his body, the +light, is all about us, and prefers to shine in upon us sideways: we +could not endure the power of his vertical glory; no mortal man can see +God and live; and he who loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, shall +not love his God whom he hath not seen. He will come to us in the +morning through the eyes of a child, when we have been gazing all night +at the stars in vain. + +Hester rose. She was a little frightened at the very peculiar man and +his talk. She had made several attempts in the dull light, but without +much success, to see him as he watched the contortions of the acrobats, +which apparently he enjoyed more than to her seemed reasonable. But, as +with herself, it was the boy Moxy that chiefly attracted him, though the +show of physical prowess was far from uninteresting to him; and although +what she saw through the smoky illumination of the dip was not +attractive to her, the question remains whether it was really the man +himself she saw, or only an appearance made up of candle gleam and +gloom, complemented by her imagination. I will write what she saw, or +thought she saw. + +A rather thick-set man about thirty, in a rough shooting-coat of a +brownish gray with many pockets, a striped shirt, and a black +necktie--if tie it could be called that had so little tie in it; a big +head, with rather thick and long straggling hair; a large forehead, and +large gray eyes; the remaining features well-formed--but rather fat, +like the rest of his not elegant person; and a complexion rather pale. +She thought he had quite a careless, if not a slightly rakish look; but +I believe a man, even in that light, would have seen in him something +manly and far from unattractive. He had a rather gruff but not unmusical +voice, with what some might have thought a thread of pathos in it. He +always reminded certain of his friends of the portrait of Jean Paul in +the Paris edition of his works. He was hardly above the middle height, +and, I am sorry to say, wore his hat on the back of his head, which +would have given Solon or Socrates himself a foolish look. Hester, +however, as she declined his offer to see her home, did not then become +aware of this peculiarity, which, to say the least, would have made her +like him no better. + +The next time she went to see the Frankses, which was not for four or +five days, she found they were gone. They had told Mrs. Baldwin that +they were sorry to leave, but they must look for a cheaper lodging--a +better they could not hope to find; and as the Baldwins had just had an +application for the rooms, they felt they must let them go. + +Hester was disappointed not to have seen them once more, and made them a +little present as she had intended; and in after times the memory of +them was naturally the more interesting that on Mrs. Franks she had +first made experiment in the hope of her calling, and in virtue of her +special gift had not once nor twice given sleep and rest to her and her +babe. And if it is a fine thing to thrill with delight the audience of a +concert-room--well-dined, well-dressed people, surely it was not a +little thing to hand God's gift of sleep to a poor woman weary with the +lot of women, and having so little, as Hester thought, to make life a +pleasure to her! + +Mrs. Franks would doubtless have differed from Hester in this judgment +of her worldly condition, on the ground that she had a good husband, and +good children. Some are always thinking others better off than +themselves: others feel as if the lot of many about them must be +absolutely unbearable, because they themselves could never bear it, they +think. But things are unbearable just until we have them to bear; their +possibility comes with them. For we are not the roots of our own being. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +VAVASOR AND HESTER. + + +The visits of Vavasor, in reality to Hester, continued. For a time they +were more frequent, and he stayed longer. Hester's more immediate +friends, namely her mother and Miss Dasomma, noted also, and with some +increase of anxiety, that he began to appear at the church they +attended, a dull enough place, without any possible attraction of its +own for a man like Vavasor: they could but believe he went thither for +the sake of seeing Hester. Two or three Sundays and he began to join +them as they came out, and walk part of the way home with them. Next he +went all the way, was asked to go in, and invited to stay to lunch. + +It may well seem strange that Mrs. Raymount, anxious as to the result, +should allow things to go on thus; but, in the first place, she had such +thorough confidence in Hester as not to think it possible she should +fall in love with such a man as Vavasor; and, in the second place, it is +wonderful what weakness may co-exist with what strength, what +worldliness stand side by side with what spirituality--for a time, that +is, till the one, for one must, overcome the other; Mrs. Raymount was +pleased with the idea of a possible marriage of such distinction for her +daughter, which would give her just the position she counted her fit +for. These mutually destructive considerations were, with whatever +logical inconsistency, both certainly operative in her. Then again, they +knew nothing against the young man! He made himself agreeable to every +one in the house. In Addison Square he showed scarce the faintest shadow +of the manner which made him at the bank almost hated. In the square not +only was he on his good behavior as in a private house, but his heart, +and his self-respect, as he would have called his self-admiration, were +equally concerned in his looking his best--which always means looking +better than one's best. Then in Hester's company his best was always +uppermost, and humility being no part of this best, he not merely felt +comfortable and kindly disposed--which he was--but good in himself and +considerate of others--which he was not. There was that in Hester and +his feeling towards her which had upon him what elevating influence he +was yet capable of receiving, and this fact said more for him than +anything else. She seemed gaining a power over him that could not be for +other than good with any man who submitted to it. It had begun to bring +out and cherish what was best in a disposition far from unamiable, +although nearly ruined by evil influences on all sides. Both glad and +proud to see her daughter thus potent, how, thought Mrs. Raymount, could +she interfere? It was plain he was improving. Not once now did they ever +hear him jest on anything belonging to church!--As to anything belonging +to religion, he scarcely knew enough in that province to have any +material for jesting.--If Vavasor was falling in love with Hester, the +danger was for him--lest she, who to her mother appeared colder than any +lady she knew, should not respond with like affection. + +Miss Dasomma was more awake. She knew better than Mrs. Raymount the kind +of soil in which this human plant had been reared, and saw more danger +ahead. She feared the young man was but amusing himself, or at best +enjoying Hester's company as some wary winged thing enjoys the flame, +courting a few singes, not quite avoiding even a slight plumous +conflagration, but careful not to turn a delightful imagination into a +consuming reality, beyond retreat and self-recovery. She could not +believe him as careless of himself as of her, but judged he was what he +would to himself call flirting with her--which had the more danger for +Hester that there was not in her mind the idea corresponding to the +phrase. I believe he declined asking himself whither the enjoyment of +the hour was leading; and I fancy he found it more easy to set aside the +question because of the difference between his social position and that +of the lady. Possibly he regarded himself as honoring the low +neighborhood of Addison Square by the frequency of his shining presence; +but I think he was at the same time feeling the good influences of which +I have spoken more than he knew, or would have liked to acknowledge to +himself; for he had never turned his mind in the direction of good; and +it was far more from circumstance than refusal that he was not yet the +more hurtful member of society which his no-principles were surely +working to make him. + +Hester was of course greatly interested in him. She had been but little +in society, had not in the least studied men, and could not help being +pleased with the power she plainly had over him, and which as plainly +went on increasing. Even Corney, not very observant or penetrating, +remarked on the gentleness of his behavior in their house. He followed +every word of Hester's about his singing, and showed himself even +anxious to win her approbation by the pains he took and the amount of +practice he went through to approach her idea of song. He had not only +ceased to bring forward his heathenish notions as to human helplessness +and fate, but allowed what at first she let fall as mere hints +concerning the individual mission of every human being to blossom in +little outbursts concerning duty without show of opposition, listening +with a manner almost humble, and seeming on the way to allow there might +be some reality in such things. Whether any desire of betterment was now +awake in him through the power of her spiritual presence, I cannot tell; +but had Mrs. Raymount seen as much of him as Hester, she would have been +yet better justified in her hope of him. For Hester, she thought first, +and for some time, only of doing him good, nor until she imagined some +success, did the danger to her begin. + +After that, with every fresh encouragement the danger grew--for just so +much grew the danger of selfcoming in and getting the upper-hand. + +I do not suppose that Vavasor once consciously laid himself out to +deceive her, or make her think him better than he thought himself. With +a woman of Hester's instincts, there might have been less danger if he +had; she also would then perhaps have been aware of the present untruth, +and have recoiled. But if he had any he had but the most rudimentary +notion of truth in the inward parts, and could deceive the better that +he did not know he was deceiving. As little notion had he of the nature +of the person he was dealing with, or the reality to her of the things +of which she spoke;--belief was to him at most the mere difference +between decided and undecided opinion. Nay, she spoke the language of a +world whose existence he was incapable at present of recognizing, for he +had never obeyed one of its demands, which language therefore meant to +him nothing like what it meant to her. His natural inborn proclivities +to the light had, through his so seldom doing the deeds of the light, +become so weak, that he hardly knew such a thing as reform was required +of, possible to, or desirable in him. Nothing seemed to him to matter +except "good form." To see and hear him for a few minutes after leaving +her and entering his club, would have been safety to Hester. I do not +mean that he was of the baser sort there, but whatever came up there, he +would meet on its own grounds, and respond to in its own kind. + +He was certainly falling more and more into what most people call +_love_. How little regard there may be in that for the other apart +from the self I will not now inquire, but what I may call the passionate +side of the spiritual was more affected in him than ever previously. As +to what he meant he did not himself know. When intoxicated with the idea +of her, that is when thinking what a sensation she would make in his +grand little circle, he felt it impossible to live without her: some way +must be found! it could not be his fate to see another triumph in +her!--He called his world a circle rightly enough: it was no globe, +nothing but surface.--Whether or not she Would accept him he never asked +himself; almost awed in her presence, he never when alone doubted she +would. Had he had anything worthy the name of property coming with the +title, he would have proposed to her at once, he said to himself. But +who with only the most beautiful wife in the world, would encounter a +naked earldom! The thing would be raging madness--as unjust to Hester as +to himself! How just, how love-careful he was not to ask +her--considerate for her more than himself! But perhaps _she_ might +have expectations! That could hardly be: no one with anything would +slave as her governor did, morning, noon and night! True his own +governor was her uncle--there was money in the family; but people never +left their money to their poor relations! To marry her would be to live +on his salary, in a small house in St. John's wood, or Park +Village--perhaps even in Camden Town, ride home in the omnibus every +night like one of a tin of sardines, wear half-crown gloves, cotton +socks, and ten-and-six-penny hats: the prospect was too hideous to be +ludicrous even! Would the sweetness of the hand that darned the socks +make his over-filled shoe comfortable? And when the awful family began +to come on, she would begin to go off! A woman like her, living in ease +and able to dress well--by Jove, she might keep her best points till she +was fifty! If there was such a providence as Hester so dutifully +referred to, it certainly did not make the best things the easiest to +get! How could it care for a fellow's happiness, or even for his leading +a correct life! Would he not be a much better man if allowed to have +Hester!--whereas in all probability she would fall to the lot of some +quill-driver like her father--a man that made a livelihood by drumming +his notions into the ears of people that did not care a brass farthing +about them!--Thus would Vavasor's love-fits work themselves +off--declining from cold noon to a drizzly mephitic twilight. + +It was not soon that he risked an attempt to please her with a song of +his own. There was just enough unconscious truth in him to make him a +little afraid of Hester. Commonplace as were in the most thorough sense +the channels in which his thoughts ran, he would not for less than a +fortune have risked encountering her scorn. For he believed, and therein +he was right, that she was capable of scorn, and that of no ordinarily +withering quality: Hester had not yet gathered the sweet gentleness that +comes of long breathing the air of the high countries. It is generally +many years before a strong character learns to think of itself as it +ought to think. While there is left in us the possibility of scorn we +know not quite the spirit we are of--still less if we imagine we may +keep this or that little shadow of a fault. But Hester was far less +ready to scorn on her own account than on the part of another. And if +she had fairly seen into the mind interesting her so much, seen how +poverty-stricken it was, and with how little motion towards the better, +she would indeed have felt a great rush of scorn, but chiefly against +herself for being taken in after such a fool's-fashion. + +But he had come to understand Hester's taste so far as to know certain +qualities she would not like in a song; he could even be sure she would +like this one or that; and although of many he could not be certain, +having never reached the grounds of her judgment, he had not yet +offended her with any he brought her--and so by degrees he had generated +the resolve to venture something himself in the hope of pleasing her: he +flattered himself he knew her _style_! He was very fond of the +word, and had an idea that all writers, to be of any account, must +fashion their style after that of this or the other master. How the +master got it, or whether it might not be well to go back to the seed +and propagate no more by cutting, it never occurred to him to ask. In +the prospect of one day reaching the bloom of humanity in the +conservatory of the upper house, he already at odd moments cultivated +his style by reading aloud the speeches of parliamentary orators; but +the thought never came to him that there was no such thing _per se_ +as _speaking well_, that there was no cause of its existence except +_thinking well_, were the grandfather, and _something to say_ +the father of if--something so well worth saying that it gave natural +utterance to its own shape. If you had told him this, and he had, as he +thought, perceived the truth of it, he would immediately have desired +some fine thing to say, in order that he might say it well! He could not +have been persuaded that, if one has nothing worth saying, the best +possible style for him is just the most halting utterance that ever +issued from empty skull. To make a good speech was the grand thing! what +side it was on, the right or the wrong, was a point unthinkable with +him. Even whether the speaker believed what he said was of no +consequence--except that, if he did not, his speech would be the more +admirable, as the greater _tour de force_, and himself the more +admirable as the cleverer fellow. + +Knowing that Hester was fond of a good ballad, he thought at first to +try his hand on one: it could not be difficult, he thought! But he found +that, like everything else, a ballad was easy enough if you could do it, +and more than difficult enough if you could not: after several attempts +he wisely yielded the ambition; his gift did not lie in that direction! +He had, however, been so long in the habit of writing drawing-room +verses that he had better ground for hoping he might produce something +in that kind which the too severe taste of Hester could yet admire! It +would be a great stroke towards placing him in a right position towards +her--one, namely, in which his intellectual faculty would be more +manifest! It should be a love song, and he would present it as one he +had written long ago: as such it would say the more for him while it +would not commit him. + +So one evening as he stood by her piano, he said all at once: + +"By the bye, Miss Raymount, last night, as I was turning over some songs +I wrote many years ago, I came upon one I thought I should like you just +to look at--not the music--that is worth nothing, though I was proud +enough of it then and thought it an achievement; but the words I still +think are not so bad--considering. They are so far from me now that I am +able to speak of them as if they were not mine at all!" + +"Do let me see them!" said Hester, hiding none of the interest she felt, +though fearing a little she might not have to praise them so much as she +would like. + +He took the song from his pocket, and smoothed it out before her on the +piano. + +"Read it to me, please," said Hester. + +"No; excuse me," he answered with a little shyness, the rarest of +phenomena in his spiritual atmosphere; "I _could_ not read it +aloud. But do not let it bore you if--" + +He did not finish his sentence, and Hester was already busy with his +manuscript. + +Here is the song: + + If thou lov'st I dare not ask thee, + Lest thou say, "Not thee;" + Prythee, then, in coldness mask thee, + That it _may_ be me. + + If thou lov'st me do not tell me, + Joy would make me rave, + And the bells of gladness knell me + To the silent grave. + + If thou lovest not thy lover, + Neither veil thine eyes, + Nor to his poor heart discover + What behind them lies. + + Be not cruel, be not tender; + Grant me twilight hope; + Neither would I die of splendor, + Nor in darkness mope. + + I entreat thee for no favor, + Smallest nothingness; + I will hoard thy dropt glove's savor, + Wafture of thy dress. + + So my love shall daring linger! + Moth-like round thy flame; + Move not, pray, forbidden finger-- + Death to me thy blame. + + +Vavasor had gone half-way towards Mrs. Raymount, then turned, and now +stood watching Hester. So long was her head bent over his paper that he +grew uncomfortably anxious. At length, without lifting her eyes, she +placed it on the stand before her, and began to try its music. Then +Vavasor went to her hurriedly, for he felt convinced that if she was not +quite pleased with the verses, it would fare worse with the music, and +begged she would not trouble herself with anything so childish. Even now +he knew less about music than poetry, he said. + +"I wanted you to see the verses, and the manuscript being almost +illegible I had to copy it; so, in a mechanical mood, I copied the music +also. Please let me have them again. I feared they were not worth your +notice! I know it now." + +Hester, however, would not yield the paper, but began again to read it: +Vavasor's writing, out of the bank, was one of those irritating hands +that wrong not only with the absence of legibility but with the show of +its presence, and she had not yet got so clear a notion of his verses as +a mere glance of them in print would have given her. Why she did not +quite like them she did not yet know, and was anxious not to be unfair. +That they were clever she did not doubt; they had for one thing his own +air of unassumed ease, and she could not but feel they had some claim to +literary art. This added a little to her hesitation, not in pronouncing +on them--she was far from that yet--but in recognizing what she felt +about them. Had she had a suspicion of the lie he had told her, and that +they were the work of yesterday, it would at once have put leagues +between them, and made the verses hateful to her. As it was, the more +she read and thought, the farther she seemed from a conclusion, and the +time Vavasor stood there waiting, appeared to both of them three times +as long as it really was. At last he felt he was pounded and must try +back. + +"You have discovered," he said, "that the song is an imitation of Sir +John Suckling!" + +He had never thought of the man while writing it. + +"I don't know anything of him," answered Hester, looking up. + +Vavasor knew nothing was more unlikely than that she should know +anything of him. + +"When did he write?" she asked. + +"In the reign of Charles I., I believe," he answered. + +"But tell me," said Hester, "where is the good of imitating anyone--even +the best of writers. Our own original, however poor, must be the thing +for us! To imitate is to repudiate our own being." + +"That I admit," answered Vavasor, who never did anything original except +when he followed his instincts; "but for a mere trial of skill an +imitation is admissible--don't you think?" + +"Oh, surely," replied Hester; "only it seems to me a waste of +time--especially with such a gift as you have of your own!" + +"At all events," said Vavasor, hiding his gratification with false +humility, "there was no great presumption in a shy at Suckling!" + +"There may have been the more waste," returned Hester. "I would sooner +imitate Bach or even Handel than Verdi." + +Vavasor could stand a good deal of censure if mingled with some +praise--which he called appreciation. Of this Hester had given him +enough to restore his spirits, and had also suggested a subject on which +he found he could talk. + +"But," he said, "how can it be worse for me to imitate this or that +writer, than for you to play over and over music you could easily +excel." + +"I never practice music," answered Hester, "not infinitely better than I +could write myself. But playing is a different thing altogether from +writing. I play as I eat my dinner--because I am hungry. My hunger I +could never satisfy with any amount of composition or extemporization of +my own. My land would not grow corn enough, or good enough for my +necessity. My playing merely corresponds to your reading of your +favorite poets--especially if you have the habit of reading aloud like +my father." + +"They do not seem to me quite parallel," rejoined Vavasor, who had +learned that he lost nothing with Hester by opposing her--so long as no +moral difference was involved. In questions of right and wrong he always +agreed with her so far as he dared expression where he understood so +little, and for that very reason, in dread of seeming to have no opinion +of his own, made a point of differing from her where he had a safe +chance. "One may read both poetry and music at sight, but you would +never count such reading of music a reproduction of it. That requires +study and labor, as well as genius and an art _like_ those which +produce it." + +"I am equally sure you can never read anything worth reading," returned +Hester, "as it ought to be read, until you understand it at least as +well as the poet himself. To do a poem justice, the reader must so have +pondered phrase and word as to reproduce meaning and music in all the +inextricable play of their lights and shades. I never came near doing +the kind of thing I mean with any music till I had first learned it +thoroughly by heart. And that too is the only way in which I can get to +understand some poetry!" + +"But is it not one of the excellences of poetry to be easy?" + +"Yes, surely, when what the poet has to say is easy. But what if the +thoughts themselves be of a kind hard to put into shape? There's +Browning!" + +Of Browning Vavasor knew only that in his circle he was laughed at--for +in it a man who had made a feeble attempt or two to understand him, and +had failed as he deserved, was the sole representative of his readers. +That he was hard to understand Hester knew, for she understood enough of +him to believe that where she did not understand him he was perhaps only +the better worth understanding. She knew how, lover of music as she was, +she did not at first care for Bach; and how in the process of learning +to play what he wrote she came to understand him. + +To her reference to Browning then, Vavasor did not venture a reply. None +of the poetry indeed by him cultivated was of any sort requiring study. +The difficulty Hester found in his song came of her trying to see more +than was there; her eyes made holes in it, and saw the less. Vavasor's +mental condition was much like that of one living in a vacuum or sphere +of nothing, in which the sole objects must be such as he was creator +enough to project from himself. He had no feeling that he was in the +heart of a crowded universe, between all whose great verities moved +countless small and smaller truths. Little notion had he that to learn +these after the measure of their importance, was his business, with +eternity to do it in! He made of himself but a cock, set for a while on +the world's heap to scratch and pick. + +When he was gone, leaving his manuscript behind him, Hester set to it +again, and trying the music over, was by it so far enlightened that she +despaired of finding anything in it, and felt a good deal disappointed. + +For she was continuing to gather interest in Vavasor, though slowly, as +was natural with a girl of her character. But she had no suspicion +_how_ empty he was, for it was scarcely possible for her to imagine +a person indifferent to the truth of things, or without interest in his +own character and its growth. Being all of a piece herself, she had no +conception of a nature all in pieces--with no unity but that of +selfishness. Her nature did now and then receive from his a jar and +shock, but she generally succeeded in accounting for such as arising +from his lack of development--a development which her influence over him +would favor. If she felt some special pleasure in the possession of that +influence, who will blame her for the weakness? + +Women are being constantly misled by the fancy and hope of being the +saviours of men! It is natural to goodness and innocence, but not the +less is the error a disastrous one. There ought surely at least to be of +success some probability as well founded as rare, to justify the +sacrifices involved. Is it well that a life of supreme suffering should +be gone through for nothing but an increase of guilt? It will be said +that patience reaps its reward; but I fear too many patiences fail, and +the number of resultant saints is small. The thing once done, the step +no longer retrievable, fresh duty is born, and divine good will result +from what suffering may arise in the fulfillment of the same. The +conceit or ambition itself which led to the fault, may have to be cured +by its consequences. But it may well be that a woman does more to redeem +a man by declining than by encouraging his attentions. I dare not say +how much a woman is not to do for the redemption of a man; but I think +one who obeys God will scarcely imagine herself free to lay her person +in the arms, and her happiness in the bosom of a man whose being is a +denial of him. Good Christians not Christians enough to understand this, +may have to be taught by the change of what they took for love into what +they know to be disgust. It is very hard for the woman to know whether +her influence has any real _power_ over the man. It is very hard +for the man himself to know; for the passion having in itself a +betterment, may deceive him as well as her. It might be well that a +woman asked herself whether moral laxity or genuine self-devotion was +the more persuasive in her to the sacrifice. If her best hope be to +restrain the man within certain bounds, she is not one to imagine +capable of any noble anxiety. God cares nothing about keeping a man +respectable; he will give his very self to make of him a true man. But +that needs God; a woman is not enough for it. This cannot be God's way +of saving bad men. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +A SMALL FAILURE. + + +Vavasor at length found he must not continue to visit Hester so often, +while not ready to go further; and that, much as he was in +love--proportionately, that is, to his faculty for loving--he dare not +do. But for the unconventionality of the Raymounts he would have reached +the point long before. He began, therefore, to lessen the number, and +shorten the length of his appearances in Addison Square. + +But so doing he became the more aware of the influence she had been +exercising upon him--found that he had come to feel differently about +certain things--that her opinion was a power on his consciousness. He +had nowise begun to change his way; he had but been inoculated, and was +therefore a little infected, with her goodness. In his ignorance he took +the alteration for one of great moral significance, and was wonderfully +pleased with himself. His natural kindness, for instance, towards the +poor and suffering--such at least as were not offensive--was quickened. +He took no additional jot of trouble about them, only gave a more +frequent penny to such as begged of him, and had more than a pennorth of +relief in return. It was a good thing, and rooted in a better, that his +heart should require such relief, but it did not indicate any advanced +stage of goodness, or one inconsistent with profoundest unselfishness. +He prided himself on one occasion that he had walked home to give his +last shilling to a poor woman, whereas in truth he walked home because +he found he had given her his last. Yet there was a little more movement +of the sap of his nature, as even his behavior in the bank would have +testified, had there been any one interested in observing him. + +Hester was annoyed to find herself disappointed when he did not appear, +and betook herself to a yet more diligent exercise of her growing +vocation. The question suggested itself whether it might not further her +plans to be associated with a sisterhood, but her family relations made +it undesirable, and she felt that the angle of her calling could ill +consent to be under foreign rule. She began, however, to widen her +sphere a little by going about with a friend belonging to a +sisterhood--not in her own quarter, for she did not wish her special +work to be crossed by any prejudices. There she always went alone, and +seldom entered a house without singing in several of its rooms before +she came away--often having to sing some old song before her audience +would listen to anything new, and finding the old song generally counted +the best thing in her visit--except by the children, to whom she would +frequently tell a fairy tale, singing the little rhymes she made come +into it. She had of course to encounter rudeness, but she set herself to +get used to it, and learn not to resent it but let it pass. One coming +upon her surrounded by a child audience, might have concluded her +insensible of what was owing to herself; but the feeling of what was +owing to her fellows, who had to go such a long unknown way to get back +to the image of God, made her strive to forget herself. It is well that +so many who lightly try this kind of work meet with so little +encouragement; if it had the result they desire, they would be ruined +themselves by it, whatever became of their poor. + +Hester's chief difficulty was in getting the kind of song fit for her +purpose; and from it she gained the advantage of reading, or at least +looking into, with more or less of reading as many of the religious +poets recognized in our history as she could lay her hands upon; where +she failed in finding the thing she wanted, she yet often found what was +welcome. She would stop at nearly every book-stall she passed, and +book-stalls were plentiful in her neighborhood, searching for old +hymn-books and collections of poetry, every one of which is sure to have +something the searcher never saw before. + +About this time, in connection with a fresh and noble endeavor after +bettering the homes of the poor originated, I had almost said _of +course_, by a woman, the experiment was in several places made of +gathering small assemblies of the poor in the neighborhood of their own +dwellings, that the ladies in charge of the houses in which they lived +might, with the help of friends, give them an unambitious but honestly +attempted concert. At one of these concerts Hester was invited to +assist, and went gladly, prepared to do her best. It had, however, been +arranged that any of the audience who would like to sing, should be +allowed to make their contributions also to the enjoyment of the +evening; and it soon became evident that the company cared for no +singing but that of their own acquaintance; and they, for their part, +were so bent on singing, and so supported and called for each other, +that it seemed at length the better way to abandon the platform to them. +There was nothing very objectionable in the character of any of the +songs sung--their substance in the main was flaunting sentiment--but the +singing was for the most part atrociously bad, and the resulting +influence hardly what the projectors of the entertainment had had in +view. It might be well that they should enjoy themselves so; it might be +well that they should have provided for them something better than they +could produce; but, to judge from the experiment, it seemed useless to +attempt the combination of the two. Hester, having listened through a +half-hour of their singing, was not a little relieved to learn that she +would not be called upon to fulfil her engagement, and the company of +benefactors went home foiled but not too much disappointed for a good +laugh over their fiasco before they parted. The affair set Hester +thinking; and before morning she was ready with a scheme to which she +begged her mother to gain her father's consent. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +THE CONCERT ROOM. + + +The house in which they lived, and which was their own, was a somewhat +remarkable one--I do not mean because it retained almost all the +old-fashionedness of a hundred and fifty years, but for other reasons. +Beside the ordinary accommodation of a good-sized London house with +three drawing-rooms on the first floor it had a quite unusual provision +for the receiving of guests. At the top of the first landing, rather +more than half-way up the stair, that is, there was a door through the +original wall of the house to a long gallery, which led to a large and +lofty room, apparently, from the little orchestra half-way up one of the +walls, intended for dancing. Since they had owned the house it had been +used only as a playroom for the children; Mr. Raymount always intended +to furnish it, but had not yet done so. The house itself was indeed a +larger one than they required, but he had a great love of room. It had +been in the market for some time when, hearing it was to be had at a low +price, he stretched more than a point to secure it. Beneath the +concert-room was another of the same area, but so low, being but the +height of the first landing of the stairs, that it was difficult to +discover any use that could be made of it, and it continued even more +neglected than the other. Below this again were cellars of alarming +extent and obscurity, reached by a long vaulted passage. What they could +have been intended for beyond ministering to the dryness of the rooms +above, I cannot imagine; they would have held coal and wood and wine, +everything natural to a cellar, enough for one generation at least. The +history of the house was unknown. There was a nailed-up door in the +second of the rooms I have mentioned which was said to lead into the +next house; but as the widow who lived there took every opportunity of +making herself disagreeable, they had not ventured to propose an +investigation. There was no garden, for the whole of the space +corresponding to the gardens on each side was occupied with this +addition to the original house. The great room was now haunting Hester's +brain and heart; if only her father would allow her to give in it a +concert to her lowly friends and acquaintance! + +Questions concerning the condition of the poor in our large towns had, +from the distance of speculation and the press, been of late occupying a +good deal of Mr. Raymount's attention, and he believed that he was +enlightening the world on those most important perhaps of all the social +questions of our day, their wrongs and their rights. He little suspected +that his daughter was doing more for the poor, almost without knowing +it, than he with all his conscious wisdom. She could not, however, have +made her request at a more auspicious moment, for he was just then +feeling specially benignant towards them, an article in which he had, as +he believed, uttered himself with power on their behalf, having come +forth to the light of eyes that very day. Besides, though far from +unprejudiced, he had a horror of prejudice, and the moment he suspected +a prejudice, hunted it almost as uncompromisingly in himself as in +another: most people surmising a fault in themselves rouse every +individual bristle of their nature to defend and retain the thing that +degrades them! He therefore speedily overcame his first reluctance, and +agreed to his daughter's strange proposal. He was willing to make as +much of an attempt towards the establishment of relations with the class +he befriended. It was an approach which, if not quite clear of +condescension, was not therefore less than kindly meant; and had his +guests behaved as well as he, they would from that day have found him a +friend as progressive as steady. Hester was greatly delighted with his +ready compliance with her request. + +From that day for nearly a fortnight there were busy doings in the +house. At once a couple of charwomen were turned loose in the great room +for a thorough cleaning, but they had made little progress with what +might have been done, ere Mr. Raymount perceived that no amount of their +cleaning could take away its dirty look, and countermanding and +postponing their proceedings, committed the dingy place to painters and +paperhangers, under whose hands it was wonderful to see how gradually it +put on a gracious look fit to welcome the human race withal. Although no +white was left about it except in the ceiling for the sake of the light, +scarce in that atmosphere, it looked as if twice the number of windows +had been opened in its walls. The place also looked larger, for in its +new harmonies of color, one part led to another, introducing it, and by +division the eye was enabled to measure and appreciate the space. To +Saffy and Mark their playroom seemed transformed into a temple; they +were almost afraid to enter it. Every noise in it sounded twice as loud +as before, and every muddy shoe made a print. + +The day for the concert was at length fixed a week off, and Hester began +to invite her poorer friends and neighbors to spend its evening at her +father's house, when her mother would give them tea, and she would sing +to them. The married women were to bring their husbands if they would +come, and each young woman might bring a friend. Most of the men, as a +matter of course, turned up their noses at the invitation, but were +nevertheless from curiosity inclined to go. Some declared it impossible +any house in that square should hold the number invited. Some spoke +doubtfully; they _might_ be able to go! they were not sure! and +seemed to regard consent as a favor, if not a condescension. Of these, +however, two or three were hampered by the uncertainty as to the +redemption of their best clothes from the pawnbroker. + +In requesting the presence of some of the small tradespeople, Hester +asked it as a favor: she begged their assistance to entertain their +poorer neighbors; and so put, the invitation was heartily accepted. In +one case at least, however, she forgot this precaution; and the +consequence was that the wife of a certain small furniture-broker began +to fume on recognition of some in her presence. While she was drinking +her second cup of tea her eyes kept roving. As she set it down, she +caught sight of Long Tim, but a fortnight out of prison, rose at once, +made her way out fanning herself vigorously, and hurried home boiling +over with wrath--severely scalding her poor husband who had staid from +his burial-club that she might leave the shop. The woman was not at all +of a bad sort, only her dignity was hurt. + +The hall and gallery were brilliantly lighted, and the room itself +looked charming--at least in the eyes of those who had been so long +watching the process of its resurrection. Tea was ready before the +company began to arrive--in great cans with taps, and was handed round +by ladies and gentlemen. The meal went off well, with a good buzz of +conversation. The only unpleasant thing was, that several of the guests, +mindful like other dams of their cubs at home, slipped large pieces of +cake into their pockets for their behoof; but this must not be judged +without a just regard to their ways of thinking, and was not a tenth +part so bad as many of the ways in which well-bred persons appropriate +slices of other people's cakes without once suspecting the category in +which they are doomed to find themselves. + +When the huge urns and the remnants of food were at length removed, and +the windows had been opened for a minute to change the air, a curtain +rose suddenly at the end of the room, and revealed a small stage +decorated with green branches and artificial flowers, in the center of +it a piano, on the piano music, and at the piano Hester, now first seen, +having reserved her strength for her special duty. + +When the assembly caught sight of her turning over the leaves of her +music, a great silence fell. The moment she began to play, all began to +talk. With the first tone of her voice, every other ceased. She had +chosen a ballad with a sudden and powerfully dramatic opening, and, a +little anxious, a little irritated also with their talking while she +played, began in a style that would have compelled attention from a herd +of cattle. But the ballad was a little too long for them, and by the +time it was half sung they had begun to talk again, and exchange +opinions concerning it. All agreed that Miss Raymount had a splendid +voice, but several of those who were there by second-hand invitation +could find a woman to beat her easily! Their criticisms were, +nevertheless, not unfriendly--in general condescending and patronizing. +I believe most of this class regarded their presence as a favor granted +her. Had they not come that she might show off to them, and receive +their approbation! Amongst the poor the most refined and the +coarsest-grained natures are to be met side by side--egg-china and +drain-tubing in the same shop--just as in _respectable_ circles. +The rudeness of the cream of society is more like that of the unwashed +than that of any intermediate class; while often the manners of the +well-behaved poor are equalled by those only of the best bred in the +country. + + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +AN UNINVITED GUEST. + + +Vavasor had not heard of the gathering. In part from doubt of his +sympathy, in part from dislike of talking about doing, Hester had not +mentioned it. When she lifted her eyes at the close of her ballad, not a +little depressed at having failed to secure the interest of her +audience, it was with a great gush of pleasure that she saw near the +door the face of her friend. She concluded that he had heard of her +purpose and had come to help her. Even at that distance she could see +that he was looking very uncomfortable, annoyed, she did not doubt, by +the behavior of her guests. A rush of new strength and courage went from +heart to brain. She rose and advancing to the front of the little stage, +called out, in a clear voice that rang across the buzz and stilled it. + +"Mr. Vavasor, will you come and help me?" + +Now Vavasor was in reality not a little disgusted at what he beheld. He +had called without a notion of what was going on, and seeing the row of +lights along the gallery as he was making for the drawing-room, had +changed his direction and followed it, knowing nothing of the room to +which it led. Blinded by the glare, and a little bewildered by the +unexpectedness of the sight, he did not at first discern the kind of +company he had entered; but the state of the atmosphere was +unaccountable, and for a moment it seemed as if, thinking to enter +Paradise, he had mistaken and opened the left-hand door. Presently his +eyes coming to themselves, confirmed the fact that he was in the midst +of a notable number of the unwashed. He had often talked with Hester +about the poor, and could not help knowing that she had great sympathy +with them. He was ready indeed as they were now a not unfashionable +subject in some of the minor circles of the world's elect, to talk about +them with any one he might meet. But in the poor themselves he could +hardly be said to have the most rudimentary interest; and that a lady +should degrade herself by sending her voice into such ears, and coming +into actual contact with such persons and their attendant +disgusts--except indeed it were for electioneering purposes--exposing +both voice and person to their abominable remarks, was to him a thing +simply incomprehensible. The admission of such people to a respectable +house, and the entertainment of them as at a music hall, could have its +origin only in some wild semi-political scheme of the old fellow, who +had more crotchets in his head than brain could well hold! It was a +proceeding as disgraceful as extraordinary! Puh! Could the tenth part of +the air present be oxygen? To think of the woman he worshipped being in +such a hell! + +The woman he could honor little by any worship he gave her, was far more +secure from evil eyes and evil thoughts in that company than she would +have been in any drawing-room of his world. Her angel would rather see +her where she was. + +But the glorious tones ceased, the ballad was at an end, and the next +moment, to his dismay, the voice which in its poetry he had delighted to +imagine thrilling the listeners in a great Belgravian drawing-room came +to him in prose across the fumes of that Bloomsbury music hall, clear +and brave and quiet, asking him, the future earl of Gartley, to come and +help the singer! Was she in trouble? Had her father forced her into the +false position in which she found herself? And did she seek refuge with +him the moment he made his appearance? Certainly such was not the tone +of her appeal! But these reflections flashing through his brain, caused +not a moment's delay in Vavasor's response. With the perfect command of +that portion of his being turned towards the public on which every man +like him prides himself, and with no shadow of expression on his +countenance beyond that of a perfect equanimity, he was instantly on his +way to her, shouldering a path in the gentlest manner through the +malodorous air. + +"This comes," he said to himself as he went, "of her foolish parents' +receiving so little company that for the free exercise of her great +talent she is driven to such as this! For song must have audience, +however unfit! There was Orpheus with his! Genius was always eccentric! +If he could but be her protection against that political father, that +Puritan mother, and that idiotic brother of hers, and put an end to this +sort of thing before it came to be talked about!" + +He grew bitter as with smiling face but shrinking soul he made his way +through that crowd of his fellow-creatures whose contact was defilement. +He would have lost them all rather than a song of Hester's--and yet that +he would on occasion have lost for a good rubber of whist with certain +players! + +He sprang on the stage, and made her a rather low bow. + +"Come and sing a duet with me," she said, and indicated one on the piano +before her which they had several times sung together. + +He smiled what he meant to look his sweetest smile, and almost +immediately their duet began. They sang well, and the assembly, from +whatever reason--I fancy simply because there were two singing instead +of one, was a little more of an audience than hitherto. But it was plain +that, had there been another rondo of the duet, most would have been +talking again. + +Hester next requested Vavasor to sing a certain ballad which she knew +was a great favorite with him. Inwardly protesting and that with +vehemence against the profanation, he obeyed, rendering it so as could +not have failed to please any one with a true notion of song. His +singing was, I confess, a little wooden, as was everything Vavasor did: +being such himself, how could he help his work being wooden? but it was +true, his mode good, his expression in the right direction. They were +nevertheless all talking before he had ended. + +After a brief pause, Hester invited a gentleman prepared for the +occasion to sing them something patriotic. He responded with Campbell's +magnificent song, "Ye Mariners of England!" which was received with +hearty cheers. + +He was followed by another who, well acquainted with the predilections +of his audience, gave them a specially sentimental song about a chair, +which was not only heard in silence but followed by tremendous cheering. +Possibly it was a luxury to some who had no longer any grandfather to +kick, to cry over his chair; but, like the most part of their brethren, +the poor greatly enjoy having their feelings gently troubled. + +Thus the muse of the occasion was gradually sinking to the intellectual +level of the company--with a consequence unforeseen, therefore not +provided against. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +CATASTROPHE. + + +For the tail of the music-kite--the car of the music-balloon rather, +having thus descended near enough to the earth to be a temptation to +some of the walkers afoot, they must catch at it! The moment the +last-mentioned song was ended, almost before its death-note had left the +lips of the singer, one of the friends' friends was on his feet. Without +a word of apology, without the shadow of a request for permission, he +called out in a loud voice, knocking with his chair on the floor, + +"Ladies an' gen'lemen, Mr. William Blaney will now favor the company +with a song." + +Thereupon immediately a pale pock-marked man, of diminutive height, with +high retreating forehead, and long thin hair, rose, and at once +proceeded to make his way through the crowd: he would sing from the +stage, of course! Hester and Vavasor looked at each other, and one +whisper passed between them, after which they waited the result in +silence. The countenance approaching, kindled by conscious power and +anticipated triumph, showed a white glow through its unblushing +paleness. After the singing one sometimes hears in drawing-rooms, there +is little space for surprise that some of less education should think +themselves more capable of fine things than they are. + +Scrambling with knee and hand upon the stage, for the poor fellow was +feeble, the moment he got himself erect with his face to the audience, +he plunged into his song, if song it could be called, executed in a +cracked and strained falsetto. The result, enhanced by the nature of the +song, which was extremely pathetic and dubiously moral, must have been +excruciation to every good ear and every sensitive nature. Long before +the relief of its close arrived Hester had made up her mind that it was +her part to protect her guests from such. It was compensation no doubt +to some present to watch the grotesque contortions of the singer +squeezing out of him the precious pathos of his song--in which he +screwed his eyes together like the man in Browning's "Christmas Eve," +and opened his mouth in a long ellipse in the middle of one cheek; but +neither was that the kind of entertainment she had purposed. She sat +ready, against the moment when he should end, to let loose the most +thunderous music in her mental _repertoire_, annoyed that she had +but her small piano on the stage. Vanity, however, is as suspicious of +vanity as hate is of hate, and Mr. Blaney, stopping abruptly in the +middle of the long last note, and in doing so changing the word, with +ludicrous result, from a song to a spoken one, screeched aloud, ere she +could strike the first chord, + +"I will now favor the company with a song of my own composure." + +But ere he had got his mouth into its singing place in his left cheek, +Hester had risen and begun to speak: when she knew what had to be done, +she never hesitated. Mr. Blaney started, and his mouth, after a moment +of elliptic suspense, slowly closed, and returned, as he listened, to a +more symmetrical position in his face. + +"I am sorry to have to interfere," said Hester, "but my friends are in +my house, and I am accountable for their entertainment. Mr. Blaney must +excuse me if I insist on keeping the management of the evening in my own +hands." + +The vanity of the would-be singer was sorely hurt. As he was too selfish +for the briefest comparison of himself with others, it had outgrown all +ordinary human proportion, and was the more unendurable that no social +consideration had ever suggested its concealment. Equal arrogance is +rarely met save in a mad-house: there conceit reigns universal and +rampant. + +"The friends as knows me, and what I can do," returned Mr. Blaney with +calmness, the moment Hester had ended, "will back me up. I have no right +to be treated as if I didn't know what I was about. I can warrant the +song home-made, and of the best quality. So here goes!" + +Vavasor made a stride towards him, but scarcely was the ugly mouth half +screwed into singing-place, when Mr. Raymount spoke from somewhere near +the door. + +"Come out of that," he shouted, and made his way through the company as +fast as he could. + +Vavasor drew back, and stood like a sentinel on guard. Hester resumed +her seat at the piano. Blaney, fancying he had gained his point, and +that, if he began before Mr. Raymount reached him, he would be allowed +to end in peace, again got his mouth into position, and began to howl. +But his host jumping on the stage from behind, reached him at his third +note, took him by the back of the neck, shoved him down, and walked him +through the crowd and out of the room before him like a naughty boy. +Propelling him thus to the door of the house, he pushed him out, closed +it behind him, and re-entering the concert-room, was greeted by a great +clapping of hands, as if he had performed a deed of valor. But, +notwithstanding the miserable vanity and impudence of the man, it had +gone to Hester's heart to see him, with his low visage and puny form, in +the mighty clutch of her father. That which would have made most despise +the poor creature the more, his physical inferiority, made her pity him, +even to pain! + +The moment silence was restored, up rose a burly, honest-looking +bricklayer, and said, + +"I beg your pardon, miss, but will you allow me to make one remark!" + +"Certainly, Mr. Jones," answered Hester. + +"It seems to me, miss," said Jones, "as it's only fair play on my part +as brought Blaney here, as I'm sorry to find behave himself so improper, +to say for him that I know he never would ha' done it, if he hadn't have +had a drop as we come along to this 'ere tea-party. That was the cause, +miss, an' I hope as it'll be taken into account, an' considered a +lucidation of his conduct. It takes but very little, I'm sorry to say, +miss, to upset his behavior--not more'n a pint at the outside.--But it +don't last! bless you, it don't last!" he added, in a tone of extreme +deprecation; "there's not a morsel of harm in him, poor fellow--though I +says it as shouldn't! Not as the guv'nor do anything more'n his duty in +puttin' of him out--nowise! I know him well, bein' my wife's +brother--leastways half-brother--for I don't want to take more o' the +blame nor by rights belong to me. When he've got a drop in his nob, it's +always for singin' he is--an' that's the worst of _him_. Thank you +kindly, miss." + +"Thank _you_, Mr. Jones," returned Hester. "We'll think no more of +it." + +Loud applause followed, and Jones sat down, well satisfied: he had done +what he ought in acknowledging the culprit for his wife's sake, and the +act had been appreciated. + +The order of the evening was resumed, but the harmony of the assembly +once disturbed, all hope of quiet was gone. They had now something to +talk about! Everyone that knew Blaney felt himself of importance: had he +not a superior right of opinion upon his behavior? Nor was he without a +few sympathizers. Was he not the same flesh and blood? they said. After +the swells had had it all their own way so long, why shouldn't poor +Blaney have his turn? But those who knew Hester, especially the women of +them, were indignant with him. + +Hester sang again and again, but no song would go quite to her mind. +Vavasor also sung several times--as often, that is, as Hester asked him; +but inwardly he was disgusted with the whole affair--as was natural, for +could any fish have found itself more out of the water than he? +Everything annoyed him--most of all that the lady of his thoughts should +have addressed herself to such an assembly. Why did she not leave it to +him or her father! If it was not degrading enough to appear before such +a canaille, surely to sing to them was! How could a woman of refinement, +justifiable as was her desire for appreciation, seek it from such a +repulsive assemblage! But Vavasor would have been better able to +understand Hester, and would have met the distastes of the evening with +far less discomposure, if he had never been in worse company. One main +test of our dealings in the world is whether the men and women we +associate with are the better or the worse for it: Vavasor had often +been where at least he was the worse, and no one the better for his +presence. For days a cloud hung over the fair image of Hester in his +mind. + +He called on the first possible opportunity to inquire how she was after +her exertions, but avoided farther allusion to the events of the +evening. She thanked him for the help he had given her, but was so far +from satisfied with her experiment, that she too let the subject rest. + +Mr. Raymount was so disgusted, that he said nothing of the kind should +ever again take place in his house: he had not bought it to make a +music-hall of it! + +If any change was about to appear in Vavasor a change in the fortunes of +the Raymounts prevented it. + +What the common judgment calls _luck_ seems to have odd +predilections and prejudices with regard to families as well as +individuals. Some seem invariably successful, whatever they take in +hand; others go on, generation after generation, struggling without a +ray of success; while on the surface appears no reason for the +inequality. But there is one thing in which pre-eminently I do not +believe--that same luck, namely, or chance, or fortune. The Father of +families looks after his families--and his children too. + + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +LIGHT AND SHADE. + + +Light and shade, sunshine and shadow pursue each other over the moral as +over the material world. Every soul has a landscape that changes with +the wind that sweeps its sky, with the clouds that return after its +rain. + +It was now the month of March. The middle day of it had been dreary all +over England, dreariest of all, perhaps, in London. Great blasts had +gone careering under a sky whose miles-thick vault of clouds they never +touched, but instead hunted and drove and dashed earth-clouds of dust +into all unwelcoming places, throats and eyes included. Now and then a +few drops would fall on the stones as if the day's fierce misery were +about to yield to sadness; but it did not so yield; up rose again a +great blundering gust, and repentance was lost in rage. The sun went +down on its wrath, and its night was tempestuous. + +But the next morning rose bright and glad, looking as if it would make +up for its father's wildness by a gentler treatment of the world. The +wind was still high, but the hate seemed to have gone out of it, and +given place to a laborious jollity. It swept huge clouds over the sky, +granting never a pause, never a respite of motion; but the sky was blue +and the clouds were white, and the dungeon-vault of the world was broken +up and being carted away. + +Everything in the room where the Raymounts were one by one assembling to +break their fast, was discolored and dark, whether with age or smoke it +would have needed more than a glance to say. The reds had grown brown, +and the blues a dirty slate-color, while an impression of drab was +prevalent. But the fire was burning as if it had been at it all night +and was glorying in having at length routed the darkness; and in the +middle of the table on the white cloth, stood a shallow piece of red +pottery full of crocuses, the earnest of the spring. People think these +creatures come out of the earth, but there are a few in every place, and +in this house Mark was one of such, who are aware that they come out of +the world of thought, the spirit-land, in order to manifest themselves +to those that are of that land. + +Mr. Raymount was very silent, seemed almost a little gloomy, and the +face of his wife was a shade less peaceful in consequence. There was +nothing the matter, only he had not yet learned to radiate. It is hard +for some natures to let their light shine. Mr. Raymount had some light; +he let it shine mostly in reviews, not much in the house. He did not +lift up the light of his countenance on any. + +The children were rosy, fresh from their baths, and ready to eat like +breakfast-loving English. Cornelius was half his breakfast ahead of the +rest, for he had daily to endure the hardship of being at the bank by +nine o'clock, and made the best of it by claiming in consequence an +utter immunity from the _petite norale_ of the breakfast-table. +Never did he lose a moment in helping anybody. Even the little Saffy he +allowed with perfect frigidity to stretch out a very long arm after the +butter--except indeed it happened to cross his plate, when he would +sharply rebuke her breach of manners. It would have been all the same if +he had not been going till noon, but now he had hurry and business to +rampart his laziness and selfishness withal. Mark would sooner have gone +without salt to his egg than ask Corney to pass it. + +This morning the pale boy sat staring at the crocuses--things like them +peeping out of the spring-mould of his spirit to greet them. + +"Why don't you eat your breakfast, Mark, dear?" said his mother. + +"I'm not hungry, mamma," he answered. + +The mother looked at him a little anxiously. He was not a very vigorous +boy in corporeal matters; but, unlike his father's, his light was almost +always shining, and making the faces about him shine. + +After a few minutes, he said, as if unconsciously, his eyes fixed on the +crocuses, + +"I can't think how they come!" + +"They grow!" said Saffy. + +Said her father, willing to set them thinking, + +"Didn't you see Hester make the paper flowers for her party?" + +"Yes," replied Saffy, "but it would take such a time to make all the +flowers in the world that way!" + +"So it would; but if a great many angels took it in hand, I suppose they +could do it." + +"That can't be how!" said Saffy, laughing; "for you know they come up +out of the earth, and there ain't room to cut them out there!" + +"I think they must be cut out and put together before they are made!" +said Mark, very slowly and thoughtfully. + +The supposition was greeted with a great burst of laughter from +Cornelius. In the midst of a refined family he was the one vulgar, and +behaved as the blind and stupid generally behave to those who see what +they cannot see. Mockery is the share they choose in the motions of the +life eternal! + +"Stop, stop, Cornelius!" said his father. "I suspect we have a young +philosopher where you see only a silly little brother. He has, I fancy, +got a glimpse of something he does not yet know how to say." + +"In that case, don't you think, sir," said Cornelius, "he had better +hold his tongue till he does know how to say it?" + +It was not often he dared speak so to his father, but he was growing +less afraid of him, though not through increase of love. + +His father looked at him a moment ere he replied, and his mother looked +anxiously at her husband. + +"It _would_ be better," he answered quietly, "were he not among +_friends_." + +The emphasis with which he spoke was lost on Cornelius. + +"They take everything for clever the little idiot says!" he remarked to +himself. "Nobody made anything of _me_ when _I_ was his age!" + +The letters were brought in. Amongst them was one for Mr. Raymount with +a broad black border. He looked at the postmark. + +"This must be the announcement of cousin Strafford's death!" he said. +"Some one told me she was not expected to live. I wonder how she has +left the property!" + +"You did not tell me she was ill!" said his wife. + +"It went out of my head. It is so many years since I had the least +communication with her, or heard anything of her! She was a strange old +soul!" + +"You used to be intimate with her--did you not, papa?" said Hester. + +"Yes, at one time. But we differed so entirely it was impossible it +should last. She would take up the oddest notions as to what I thought, +and meant, and wanted to do, and then fall out upon me as advocating +things I hated quite as much as she did. But that is much the way +generally. People seldom know what they mean themselves, and can hardly +be expected to know what other people mean. Only the amount of mental +and moral force wasted on hating and talking down the non-existent is a +pity." + +"I can't understand why people should quarrel so about their opinions," +said Mrs. Raymount. + +"A great part of it comes of indignation at not being understood and +another great part from despair of being understood--and that while all +the time the person thus indignant and despairing takes not the smallest +pains to understand the neighbor whose misunderstanding of himself makes +him so sick and sore." + +"What is to be done then?" asked Hester. + +"Nothing," answered her father with something of a cynical smile, born +of this same frustrated anxiety to impress his opinions on others. + +He took up his letter, slowly broke the large black seal which adorned +it, and began to read it. His wife sat looking at him, and waiting, in +expectation sufficiently mild, to hear its contents. + +He had scarcely read half the first page when she saw his countenance +change a little, then flush a little, then grow a little fixed, and +quite inscrutable. He folded the letter, laid it down by the side of his +plate, and began to eat again. + +"Well, dear?" said his wife. + +"It is not quite what I thought," he answered, with a curious smile, and +said nothing more, but ate his toast in a brooding silence. Never in the +habit of _making_ secrets, like his puny son, he had a strong +dislike to showing his feelings, and from his wife even was inclined to +veil them. He was besides too proud to manifest his interest in the +special contents of this letter. + +The poor, but, because of its hopelessness, hardly indulged ambition of +Mr. Raymount's life, was to possess a portion, however small, of the +earth's surface--if only an acre or two. He came of families both +possessing such property, but none of it had come near him except that +belonging to the cousin mentioned. He was her nearest relation, but had +never had much hope of inheriting from her, and after a final quarrel +put an end to their quarelling, had had none. Even for Mammon's sake Mr. +Raymount was not the man to hide or mask his opinions. + +He worshipped his opinions indeed as most men do Mammon. For many years +in consequence there had not been the slightest communication between +the cousins. But in the course of those years all the other relatives of +the old lady had died, and, as the letter he now held informed him, he +was after all heir to her property, a small estate in a lovely spot +among the roots of the Cumberland hills. It was attended by not a few +thousands in government securities. + +But while Mr. Raymount was not a money-lover in any notable sense--the +men are rare indeed of whom it might be said absolutely they do not love +money--his delight in having land of his own was almost beyond +utterance. This delight had nothing to do with the money value of the +property; he scarcely thought of that: it came in large part of a new +sense of room and freedom; the estate was an extension of his body and +limbs--and such an extension as any lover of the picturesque would have +delighted in. It made him so glad he could hardly get his toast down. + +Mrs. Raymount was by this time tolerably familiar with her husband's +moods, but she had never before seen him look just so, and was puzzled. +The fact was he had never before had such a pleasant surprise, and sat +absorbed in a foretaste of bliss, of which the ray of March sun that +lighted up the delicate transparencies of the veined crocuses purple and +golden, might seem the announcing angel. + +Presently he rose and left the room. His wife followed him. The moment +she entered his study behind him he turned and took her in his arms. + +"Here's news, wifie!" he said. "You'll be just as glad of it as I am. +Yrndale is ours after all!--at least so my old friend Heron says, and he +ought to know! Cousin Strafford left no will. He is certain there is +none. She persistently put off making one, with the full intention, he +believes, that the property shall come to me, her heir at law and next +of kin. He thinks she had not the heart to leave it away from her old +friend. Thank God! It is a lovely place. Nothing could have happened to +give me more pleassure." + +"I am indeed glad, Raymount," said his wife--who called him by his +family name on important occasions. "You always had a fancy for playing +the squire, you know." + +"A great fancy for a little room, rather," replied her husband--"not +much, I fear, for the duties of a squire. I know little of them; and +happily we shall not be dependent on the result of my management. There +is money as well, I am glad to say--enough to keep the place up anyhow." + +"It would be a poor property," replied his wife with a smile, that could +not keep itself up. I have no doubt you will develop into a model farmer +and landlord." + +"You must take the business part--at least till Corney is fit to look +after it," he returned. + +But his wife's main thought was what influence would the change have on +the prospects of Hester. In her heart she abjured the notion of property +having anything to do with marriage--yet this was almost her first +thought! Inside us are played more fantastic tricks than any we play in +the face of the world. + +"Are the children to be told?" she asked. + +"I suppose so. It would be a shame not to let them share in our +gladness. And yet one hates to think of their talking about it as +children will." + +"I am not afraid of the children," returned his wife. "I have but to +tell them not. I am sure of Mark as if he were fifty. Saffy might +forget, but Mark will keep her in mind." + +When she returned to the dining-room Cornelius was gone, but the rest +were still at the table. She told them that God had given them a +beautiful house in the country, with hills and woods and a swift-flowing +river. Saffy clapped her hands, cried, "Oh, mam_mah_!" and could +hardly sit on her chair till she had done speaking. Mark was perfectly +still, his eyes looking like ears. The moment her mother ceased, Saffy +jumped down and made a rush for the door. + +"Saffy, Saffy, where are you going?" cried her mother. + +"To tell Sarah," answered Saffy. + +"Come back, my child." + +"Oh, do let me run and tell Sarah! I will come back _instantly_." + +"Come here," insisted the mother. "Your papa and I wish you to say +nothing whatever about it to _any_ one." + +"O-oh!" returned Saffy; and both her look and her tone said, "Where is +the good of it then?" as she stood by her mother's side in momentary +check. + +Not a word did Mark utter, but his face shone as if it had been heaven +he was going to. No color, only light came to the surface of it, and +broke in the loveliest smile. When Mark smiled, his whole body and being +smiled. He turned and kissed Saffy, but still said nothing. + +Hester's face flushed a "celestial rosy red." Her first thought was of +the lovely things of the country and the joy of them. Like Moses on +mount Pisgah, she looked back on the desert of a London winter, and +forth from the heart of a blustering spring into a land of promise. Her +next thought was of her poor: "Now I shall be able to do something for +them!" Alas! too swiftly followed the conviction that now she would be +able to do less than ever for them. Yrndale was far from London! They +could not come to her, and she could not go to them, except for an +occasional visit, perhaps too short even to see them all. If only her +father and mother would let her stay behind! but that she dared hardly +hope--ought not perhaps to wish! It might be God's will to remove her +because she was doing more harm than good! She had never been allowed to +succeed in anything! And now her endeavor would be at an end! So her +pleasure was speedily damped. The celestial red yielded to earthly pale, +and the tears came in her eyes. + +"You don't like the thought of leaving London, Hester!" said her mother +with concern: she thought it was because of Vavasor. + +"I am very glad for you and papa, mother dear," answered Hester. "I was +thinking of my poor people, and what they would do without me." + +"Wait my child," returned her mother, "I have sometimes found the very +things I dreaded most serve me best. I don't mean because I got used to +them, or because they did me good. I mean they furthered what I thought +they would ruin." + +"Thank you, dear mother, you can always comfort me," rejoined Hester. +"For myself I could not imagine anything more pleasant. If only it were +near London!--or," she added, smiling through her tears, "if one hadn't +a troublesome heart and conscience playing into each other's hands!" + +She was still thinking of her poor, but her mother was in doubt. + + * * * * * + +"I suppose, father," said Cornelius, "there will be no occasion for me +to go to the bank any more?" + +"There will be more occasion than ever," answered his father: "will +there not be the more to look after when I am gone? What do you imagine +you could employ yourself with down there? You have never taken to +study, else, as you know, I would have sent you to Oxford. When you +leave the bank it will be to learn farming and the management of an +estate--after which you will be welcome to Yrndale." + +Cornelius made no reply. His father's words deeply offended him. He was +hardly good at anything except taking offense, and he looked on the +estate as his nearly as much as his father's. True the father had not +spoken so kindly as he might, but had he known his son, he would often +have spoken severely. From the habit of seeking clear and forcible +expression in writing, he had got into a way of using stronger vocal +utterances than was necessary, and what would have been but a blow from +another, was a stab from him. But the feelings of Cornelius in no case +_deserved_ consideration--they were so selfish. And now he +considered that mighty self of his insulted as well as wronged. What +right had his father to keep from him--from him alone, who had the first +right--a share in the good fortunes of the family? He left the study +almost hating his father because of what he counted his injustice; and, +notwithstanding his request that he would say nothing of the matter +until things were riper, made not even an effort to obey him, but, too +sore for silence, and filled with what seemed to him righteous +indignation, took the first opportunity of pouring out everything to +Vavasor, in a torrent of complaint against the fresh wrong. His friend +responded to the communication very sensibly, trying, without exactly +saying it, and without a shadow of success, to make him see what a fool +he was, and congratulating him all the more warmly on his good fortune +that a vague hope went up in him of a share in the same. For Cornelius +had not failed to use large words in making mention of the estate and +the fortune accompanying it; and in the higher position, as Vavasor +considered it, which Mr. Raymount would henceforth occupy as one of the +proprietors of England, therefore as a man of influence in his country +and its politics, he saw something like an approximative movement in the +edges of the gulf that divided him from Hester: she would not unlikely +come in for a personal share in this large fortune; and if he could but +see a possibility of existence without his aunt's money, he would, he +_almost_ said to himself, marry Hester, and take the risk of his +aunt's displeasure. At the same time she would doubtless now look with +more favor on his preference--he must not yet say _choice!_ There +could be nothing insuperably offensive to her pride at least in his +proposing to marry the daughter of a country squire. If she were the +heiress of a rich brewer, that is, of a brewer rich enough, his aunt +would, like the rest of them, get over it fast enough! In the meantime +he would, as Cornelius, after the first burst of his rage was over, had +begged him, be careful to make no illusion to the matter. + +Mr. Raymount went to look at his property, and returned more delighted +with house, land, and landscape, than he had expected. He seldom spoke +of his good fortune, however, except to his wife, or betrayed his +pleasure except by a glistening of the eyes. As soon as the warm weather +came they would migrate, and immediately began their preparations--the +young ones by packing and unpacking several times a day a most +heterogeneous assemblage of things. The house was to be left in charge +of old Sarah, who would also wait on Cornelius. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +THE JOURNEY. + + +It was a lovely morning when they left London. The trains did not then +travel so fast as now, and it was late in the afternoon when they +reached the station at which they must leave the railway for the road. +Before that the weather had changed, or they had changed their weather, +for the sky was one mass of cloud, and rain was falling persistently. +They had been for some time in the abode of the hills, but those they +were passing through, though not without wonder and strange interest, +were but an inferior clan, neither lofty nor lovely. Through the rain +and the mist they looked lost and drear. They were mostly bare, save of +a little grass, and broken with huge brown and yellow gulleys, worn by +such little torrents as were now rushing along them straight from the +clouded heavens. It was a vague sorrowful region of tears, whence the +streams in the valleys below were forever fed. + +This part of the journey Saffy had been sound asleep, but Mark had been +standing at the window of the railway-carriage, gazing out on an awful +world. What would he do, he thought, if he were lost there? Would he be +able to sit still all night without being frightened, waiting for God to +come and take him? As they rushed along, it was not through the brain +alone of the child the panorama flitted, but through his mind and heart +as well, and there, like a glacier it scored its passage. Or rather, it +left its ghosts behind it, ever shifting forms and shadows, each +atmosphered in its own ethereal mood. Hardly thoughts were they, but +strange other consciousnesses of life and being. Hills and woods and +valleys and plains and rivers and seas, entering by the gates of sight +into the live mirror of the human, are transformed to another nature, to +a living wonder, a joy, a pain, a breathless marvel as they pass. +Nothing can receive another thing, not even a glass can take into its +depth a face, without altering it. In the mirror of man, things become +thoughts, feelings, life, and send their streams down the cheeks, or +their sunshine over the countenance. + +Before Mark reached the end of that journey, there was gathered in the +bottom of his heart a great mass of fuel, there stored for the future +consumption of thinking, and for reproduction in forms of power. He knew +nothing of it. He took nothing consciously. The things kept sinking into +him. The sole sign of his reception was an occasional sigh--of which he +could not have told either the cause or the meaning. + +They got into their own carriage at the station. The drive was a long +and a tedious one, for the roads were rough and muddy and often steep, +and Mr. Raymount repeatedly expressed his dissatisfaction, that they had +not put four horses to. For some time they drove along the side of a +hill, and could see next to nothing except in one direction; and when at +length the road ran into a valley, and along the course of the swollen +river, it was getting so dark, and the rain was coming down so fast, +that they could see next to nothing at all. Long before they reached +their new home, Saffy and Mark were sound asleep, Hester was sunk in her +own thoughts, and the father and mother sat in unbroken silence, hand in +hand. It was pitch-dark ere they arrived; and save what she learned from +the thousand musics of the swollen river along which they had been +driving for the last hour, Hester knew nothing of the country for which +she had left the man-swarming city. Ah, that city! so full of +fellow-creatures! so many of them her friends! and struggling in the +toils of so many foes! Many sorrows had entered in at Hester's ears; +tongues that had never known how to give trouble shape, had grown +eloquent in pouring the tale--of oppression oftener than want, into the +bosom of her sympathy. I do not say many tongues--only many sorrows; she +knew from the spray that reached her on its borders, how that human sea +tossed and raged afar. Reading and interpreting the looks of faces and +the meanings of actions around her by what she had heard, she could not +doubt she had received but a too true sample of experiences innumerable. +One result was, that, young as was Hester, she no longer shrank from the +thought of that invisible, intangible solvent in which the generations +of man vanish from the eyes of their fellows. She said to herself what a +blessed thing was death for countless human myriads--yea doubtless for +the whole race! It looked sad enough for an end; but then it was not the +end; while but for the thought of the change to some other mode of life, +the idea of this world would have been unendurable to her. "Surely they +are now receiving their evil things!" she said. Alas, but even now she +felt as if the gulf of death separated her from those to whom it had +been her painful delight to minister! The weeping wind and the moaning +rush of the river, through which they were slowly moving toward their +earthly paradise, were an orchestral part as of hautboys in the wailing +harmony of her mood. + +They turned and went through a gate, then passed through trees and trees +that made yet darker pieces of the night. By and by appeared the faint +lights of the house, with blotchy pallors thinning the mist and +darkness. Presently the carriage stopped. + +Both the children continued dead asleep, and were carried off to bed. +The father and mother knew the house of old time, and revived for each +other old memories. But to Hester all was strange, and what with the +long journey, the weariness, the sadness, and the strangeness, it was as +if walking in a dream that she entered the old hall. It had a quiet, +dull, dignified look, as if it expected nobody; as if it was here itself +because it could not help it, and would rather not be here; as if it had +seen so many generations come and go that it had ceased to care much +about new faces. Every thing in the house looked somber and solemn, as +if it had not forgotten its old mistress, who had been so many years in +it, and was such a little while gone out of it. They had supper in a +long, low room, with furniture almost black, against whose windows heavy +roses every now and then softly patted, caught in the fringes of the +rain gusts. The dusky room, the perfect stillness within, the low +mingled sounds of swaying trees and pattering rain without, the sense of +the great darkness folding in its bosom the beauty so near and the +moaning city miles upon miles away--all grew together into one +possessing mood, which rose and sank, like the water in a sea-cave, in +the mind of Hester. But who by words can fix the mood that comes and +goes unbidden, like a ghost whose acquaintance is lost with his +vanishing, whom we know not when we do not see? A single happy phrase, +the sound of a wind, the odor of the mere earth may avail to send us +into some lonely, dusky realm of being; but how shall we take our +brother with us, or send him thither when we would? I doubt if even the +poet ever works just what he means on the mind of his fellow. Sisters, +brothers, we cannot meet save in God. + +But the nearest mediator of feeling, the most potent, the most delicate, +the most general, the least articulate, the farthest from thought, yet +perhaps the likest to the breath moving upon the soft face of the waters +of chaos, is music. It rose like a soft irrepressible tide in the heart +of Hester; it mingled and became one with her mood; together swelling +they beat at the gates of silence; for life's sake they must rush, +embodied and born in sound, into the outer world where utterance meets +utterance! She looked around her for such an instrument as hitherto had +been always within her reach--rose and walked around the shadowy room +searching. But there was no creature amongst the aged furniture--nothing +with a brain to it which her soul might briefly inhabit. She returned +and sat again at the table, and the mood vanished in weariness. + +But they did not linger there long. Fatigue made the ladies glad to be +shown to the rooms prepared for them. The housekeeper, the ancient +authority of the place, in every motion and tone expressing herself +wronged by their intrusion, conducted them. Every spot they passed was +plainly far more hers than theirs; only law was a tyrant, and she dared +not assert her rights! But she had allotted their rooms well, and they +approved her judgment. + +Weary as she was, Hester was charmed with hers, and the more charmed the +more she surveyed it. I will not spend time or space in describing it, +but remember how wearisome and useless descriptions often are. I will +but say it was old-fashioned to her heart's content; that it seemed full +of shadowy histories, as if each succeeding occupant had left behind an +ethereal phantasmic record, a memorial imprint of presence on walls and +furniture--to which she now was to add hers. But the old sleep must have +the precedence of all the new things. In weary haste she undressed, and +ascending with some difficulty the high four-post bed which stood +waiting for her like an altar of sleep for its sacrifice, was presently +as still and straight and white as alabaster lady lying upon ancient +tomb. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. + + +When she woke it was to a blaze of sunlight, but caught in the net of +her closed curtains. The night had passed and carried the tears of the +day with it. Ah, how much is done in the night when we sleep and know +nothing! Things never stop. The sun was shining as if he too had wept +and repented. All the earth beneath him was like the face of a child who +has ceased to weep and begun to smile, but has not yet wiped away his +tears. + +Raindrops everywhere! millions upon millions of them! every one of them +with a sun in it? For Hester had sprung from her bed, and opened the +eyes of her room. How different was the sight from what she saw when she +looked out in Addison square! If heaven be as different from this earth, +and as much better than it, we shall be happy children--except indeed we +be but fit to stand in a corner, with our backs to the blessedness. On +each side she saw green, undulating lawn, with trees and meadows beyond; +but just in front the ground sloped rapidly, still in grass, grew steep, +and fell into the swift river--which, swollen almost to unwieldiness, +went rolling and sliding brown and heavy towards the far off sea; when +its swelling and tumult were over it would sing; now it tumbled along +with a roaring muffled in sullenness. Beyond the river the bank rose +into a wooded hill. She could see walks winding through the wood, here +appearing, there vanishing, and, a little way up the valley, the rails +of a rustic bridge that led to them. It was a paradise! For the roar of +London along Oxford street, there was the sound of the river; for the +cries of rough human voices, the soprano of birds, and the soft mellow +bass of the cattle in the meadows. The only harsh sound in this new +world was the cry of the peacock, but that had somehow got the color of +his tail in it, and was not unpleasant. The sky was a shining blue. Not +a cloud was to be seen upon it. Quietly it looked down, as if saying to +the world over which it stood vaulted, "Yes, you are welcome to it all!" + +She thanked God for the country, but soon was praying to him for the +town. The neighborly offer of the country to console her for the loss of +the town she received with alarm, hastening to bethink herself that God +cared more for one miserable, selfish, wife-and-donkey-beating +costermonger of unsavory Shoreditch, than for all the hills and dales of +Cumberland, yea and all the starry things of his heavens. + +She would care only as God cared, and from all this beauty gather +strength to give to sorrow. + +She dressed quickly, and went to her mother's room. Her father was +already out of doors, but her mother was having breakfast in bed. They +greeted each other with such smiles as made words almost unnecessary. + +"What a _lovely_ place it is, mamma! You did not say half enough +about it," exclaimed Hester. + +"Wasn't it better to let you discover for yourself, my child?" answered +her mother. "You were so sorry to leave London, that I would not praise +Yrndale for fear of prejudicing you against it." + +"Mother," said Hester, with something in her throat, "I did not want to +change; I was content, and had my work to do! I never was one to turn +easily to new things. And perhaps I need hardly tell you that the +conviction has been growing upon me for years and years that my calling +is among my fellow-creatures in London!" + +She had never yet, even to her mother, spoken out plainly concerning the +things most occupying her heart and mind. Every one of the family, +except Saffy, found it difficult to communicate--and perhaps to Saffy it +might become so as she grew. Hester trembled as if confessing a fault. +What if to her mother the mere idea of having a calling should seem a +presumption! + +"Two things must go, I think, to make up a call," said her mother, +greatly to Hester's relief. "You must not imagine, my child, that +because you have never opened your mind to me, I have not known what you +were thinking, or have left you to think alone about it. Mother and +daughter are too near not to hear each other without words. There is +between you and me a constant undercurrent of communion, and +occasionally a passing of almost definite thought, I believe. We may not +be aware of it at the time, but none the less it has its result." + +"O mother!" cried Hester, overjoyed to find she thought them thus near +to each other, "I am _so_ glad! Please tell me the two things you +mean." + +"To make up a _call_, I think both impulse and possibility are +wanted," replied Mrs. Raymount. "The first you know well; but have you +sufficiently considered the second? One whose impulse or desire was +continually thwarted could scarcely go on believing herself called. The +half that lies in an open door is wanting. If a call come to a man in +prison it will be by an angel who can let him out. Neither does +inclination always determine fitness. When your father was an editor, he +was astonished at the bad verse he received from some who had a genuine +delight in good verse." + +"I can't believe, mamma," returned Hester, "that God gives any special +gift, particularly when accompanied by a special desire to use it, and +that for a special purpose, without intending it should be used. That +would be to mock his creature in the very act of making her." + +"You must allow there are some who never find a use for their special +gifts." + +"Yes; but may not that be that they have not sufficiently cultivated +their gifts, or that they have not done their best to bring them into +use? Or may they not have wanted to use them for ends of their own and +not of God's? I feel as if I must stand up against every difficulty lest +God should be disappointed in me. Surely any frustration of the ends to +which their very being points must be the person's own fault? May it not +be because they have not yielded to the calling voice that they are all +their life a prey to unsatisfied longings? They may have gone picking +and choosing, instead of obeying." + +"There must be truth in what you say, Hester, but I am pretty sure it +does not reach every case. At what point would you pronounce a calling +frustrated? You think yours is to help your poor friends: you are not +with them now: is your calling frustrated? Surely there may be delay +without frustration! Or, is it for you to say when you are _ready_? +Willingness is not everything. Might not one fancy her hour come when it +was not come? May not part of the preparation for work be the mental +discipline of imagined postponements? And then, Hester--now I think I +have found my answer--you do not surely imagine such a breach in the +continuity of our existence, that our gifts and training here have +nothing to do with our life beyond the grave. All good old people will +tell you they feel this life but a beginning. Cultivating your gift, and +waiting the indubitable call, you may be in active preparation for the +work in the coming life for which God intended you when he made you." + +Hester gave a great sigh. Postponement indefinite is terrible to the +young and eager. + +"That is a dreary thought, mother," she said. + +"Is it, my child?" returned her mother. "Painful the will of God may +be--that I well know, as who that cares anything about it does not! but +_dreary_, no! Have patience, my love. Your heart's deepest desire +must be the will of God, for he cannot have made you so that your heart +should run counter to his will; let him but have his own way with you, +and your desire he will give you. To that goes his path. He delights in +his children; so soon as they can be indulged without ruin, he will heap +upon them their desires; they are his too." + +I confess I have, chiefly by compression, put the utterance both of +mother and of daughter into rather better logical form than they gave +it; but the substance of it is thus only the more correctly rendered. +Hester was astonished at the grasp and power of her mother. The child +may for many years have but little idea of the thought and life within +the form and face he knows and loves better than any; but at last the +predestined moment arrives, the two minds meet, and the child +understands the parent. Hester threw herself on her knees, and buried +her face in her mother's lap. The same moment she began to discover that +she had been proud, imagining herself more awake to duty than the rest +around her. She began, too, to understand that if God has called, he +will also open the door. She kissed her mother as she had never kissed +her before, and went to her own room. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +GLADNESS. + + +Scarcely had she reached it, however, when the voices of the children +came shouting along some corridor, on their way to find their breakfast: +she must go and minister, postponing meditation on the large and distant +for action in the small and present. But the sight of the exuberance, +the foaming overflow of life and gladness in Saffy, and of the quieter, +deeper joy of Mark, were an immediate reward. They could hardly be +prevented from bolting their breakfast like puppies, in their eagerness +to rush into the new creation, the garden of Eden around them. But +Hester thought of the river flowing turbid and swift at the foot of the +lawn: she must not let them go loose! She told them they must not go +without her. Their faces fell, and even Mark began a gentle +expostulation. + +A conscientious elder sister has to bear a good many hard thoughts from +the younger ones on whom, without a parent's authority and reverence, +she has to exercise a parent's restraint. Well for her if she come out +of the trial without having gathered some needless severity, some +seeming hardness, some tendency to peevishness! These weak evils are so +apt to gather around a sense at once of the need and of the lack of +power! + +"No, Mark," she said, "I cannot let you go alone. You are like two +kittens, and might be in mischief or danger before you knew. But I won't +keep you waiting; I will get my parasol at once." + +I will attempt no description of the beauties that met them at every +turn. But the joy of those three may well have a word or two. I doubt if +some of the children in heaven are always happier than Saffy and Mark +were that day. Hester had thoughts which kept her from being so happy as +they, but she was more blessed. Glorious as is the child's delight, the +child-heart in the grown woman is capable of tenfold the bliss. Saffy +pounced on a flower like a wild beast on its prey; she never stood and +gazed at one, like Mark. Hester would gaze till the tears came in her +eyes; + +There are consciousnesses of lack which carry more bliss than any +possession. + +Mark was in many things an exception--a curious mixture of child and +youth. He had never been strong, and had always been thoughtful. When +very small he used to have a sacred rite of his own--I would not have +called it a rite but that he made a temple for it. Many children like to +play at church, but I doubt if that be good: Mark's rite was neither +play nor church. He would set two chairs in the recess of a window--"one +for Mark and one for God"--then draw the window-curtains around and sit +in silence for a space. + +When a little child sets a chair for God, does God take the chair or +does he not? God is the God of little children, and is at home with +them. + +For Saffy, she was a thing of smiles and of tears just as they chose to +come. She had not a suspicion yet that the exercise of any operative +power on herself was possible to her--not to say required of her. Many +men and women are in the same condition who have grown cold and hard in +it; she was soft and warm, on the way to awake and distinguish and act. +Even now when a good thought came she would give it a stranger's +welcome; but the first appeal to her senses would drive it out of doors +again. + +Before their ramble was over, what with the sweet twilight gladness of +Mark, the merry noonday brightness of Saffy, and the loveliness all +around, the heart of Hester was quiet and hopeful as a still mere that +waits in the blue night the rising of the moon. She had some things to +trouble her, but none of them had touched the quick of her being. +Thoughtful, therefore in a measure troubled, by nature, she did not know +what heart-sickness was. Nor would she ever know it as many must, for +her heart went up to the heart of her heart, and there unconsciously +laid up store against the evil hours that might be on their way to her. +And this day her thoughts kept rising to Him whose thought was the +meaning of all she saw, the center and citadel of its loveliness. + +For if once the suspicion wake that God never meant the things that go +to and fro in us as we gaze on the world, that moment is the universe +worthless as a doll to a childless mother. If God be not, then +steam-engine and flower are in the same category. No; the steam-engine +is the better thing, for it has the soul of a man in it, and the flower +has no soul at all. It cannot mean if it is not meant. It is God that +means everything as we read it, however poor or mingled with mistake our +reading may be. And the soothing of his presence in what we call nature, +was beginning to work on Hester, helping her toward that quietness of +spirit without which the will of God can scarce be perceived. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + +DOWN THE HILL. + + +When Franks, the acrobat, and his family left Mrs. Baldwin's garret to +go to another yet poorer lodging, it was with heavy hearts: they crept +silent away, to go down yet a step of the world's stair. I have read +somewhere in Jean Paul of a curiously contrived stair, on which while +you thought you were going down you were really ascending: I think it +was so with the Frankses and the stair they were upon. But to many the +world is but a treadmill, on which while they seem to be going up and +up, they are only serving to keep things going round and round. + +I think God has more to do with the fortunes of the poor a thousand fold +than with those of the rich. In the fortunes of the poor there are many +more changes, and they are of greater import as coming closer to the +heart of their condition. To careless and purblind eyes these fortunes +appear on an almost dead level of toil and privation; but they have more +variations of weather, more chequers of sunshine and shade, more storms +and calms, than lives passed on airier slopes. Who could think of God as +a God like Christ--and other than such he were not Godand imagine he +would not care as much for the family of John Franks as for the family +of Gerald Raymount? It is impossible to believe that he loves such as +Cornelius or Vavasor as he loves a Christopher. There must be a +difference! The God of truth cannot love the unlovely in the same way as +he loves the lovely. The one he loves for what he is and what he has +begun to be; the other he loves because he sorely needs love--as sorely +as the other, and must begin to grow lovely one day. Nor dare we forget +that the celestial human thing is in itself lovely as made by God, and +pitiably lovely as spoiled by man. That is the Christ-thing which is the +root of every man, created in his image--that which, when he enters the +men, he possesses. The true earthly father must always love those +children more who are obedient and loving--but he will not neglect one +bad one for twenty good ones. "The Father himself loveth you because ye +have loved me;" but "There is more joy in heaven over one sinner that +repenteth than over ninety and nine that need no repentance." The great +joy is the first rush of love in the new-opened channel for its issue +and entrance. + +The Frankses were on the down-going side of the hill Difficulty, and +down they must go, unable to help themselves. They had found a cheaper +lodging, but entered it with misgiving; their gains had been very +moderate since their arrival in London, and their expenses greater than +in the country. Also Franks was beginning to feel or to fancy his +strength and elasticity not quite what they had been. The first +suspicion of the approach of old age and the beginning of that weakness +whose end is sure, may well be a startling one. The man has begun to be +a nobody in the world's race--is henceforth himself but the course of +the race between age and death--a race in which the victor is known ere +the start. Life with its self-discipline withdraws itself thenceforth +more to the inside, and goes on with greater vigor. The man has now to +trust and yield constantly. He is coming to know the fact that he was +never his own strength, had never the smallest power in himself at his +strongest. But he is learning also that he is as safe as ever in the +time when he gloried in his might--yea, as safe as then he imagined +himself on his false foundation. He lays hold of the true strength, +makes it his by laying hold of it. He trusts in the unchangeable thing +at the root of all his strength, which gave it all the truth it had--a +truth far deeper than he knew, a reality unfathomable, though not of the +nature he then fancied. Strength has ever to be made perfect in +weakness, and old age is one of the weaknesses in which it is perfected. + +Poor Franks had not got so far yet as to see this, and the feeling of +the approach of old age helped to relax the springs of his hopefulness. +Also his wife had not yet got over her last confinement. The baby, too, +was sickly. And there was not much popular receptivity for acrobatics in +the streets; coppers came in slowly; the outlay was heavy; and the +outlook altogether was of the gray without the gold. But his wife's +words were always cheerful, though the tone of them had not a little of +the mournful. Their tone came of temperament, the words themselves of +love and its courage. The daughter of a gamekeeper, the neighbors +regarded her as throwing herself away when she married Franks; but she +had got an honest and brave husband, and never when life was hardest +repented giving herself to him. + +For a few weeks they did pretty well in their new lodging. They managed +to pay their way, and had food enough--though not quite so good as +husband and wife wished each for the other, and both for their children. +The boys had a good enough time of it. They had not yet in London +exhausted their own wonder. The constant changes around made of their +lives a continuous novel--nay, a romance, and being happy they could eat +anything and thrive on it. + +The lives of the father and mother over-vault the lives of the children, +shutting out all care if not all sorrow, and every change is welcomed as +a new delight. Their parents, where positive cruelty has not installed +fear and cast out love, are the divinities of even the most neglected. +They feel towards them much the same, I fancy, as the children of +ordinary parents in the middle class--love them more than children given +over to nurses and governesses love theirs. Nor do I feel certain that +the position of the children of the poor, in all its oppression, is not +more favorable to the development of the higher qualities of the human +mind, such as make the least show, than many of those more pleasant +places for which some religious moralists would have us give the thanks +of the specially favored. I suspect, for instance, that imagination, +fancy, perception, insight into character, the faculty of fitting means +to ends, the sense of adventure, and many other powers and feelings are +more likely to be active in the children of the poor, to the greater joy +of their existence, than in others. These Frankses, too, had a strict +rule over them, and that increases much the capacity for enjoyment. The +father, according to his lights, was, as we have seen, a careful and +conscientious parent, and his boys were strongly attached to him, never +thought of shirking their work, and endured a good deal of hardness and +fatigue without grumbling: their mother had opened their eyes to the +fact that their father took his full share in all he required of them, +and did his best for them. They were greatly proud of their father one +and all believing him not only the first man in his profession, but the +best man that ever was in the world; and to believe so of one's parent +is a stronger aid to righteousness than all things else whatever, until +the day-star of the knowledge of the great Father goes up in the heart, +to know whom, in like but better fashion, as the best more than man and +the perfect Father of men, is the only thing to redeem us from misery +and wrong, and lift us into the glorious liberty of the sons and +daughters of God. + +They were now reduced to one room, and the boys slept on the floor. This +was no hardship, now that summer was nigh, only the parents found it +interfered a little with their freedom of speech. Nor did it mend the +matter to send them early to bed, for the earlier they went the longer +were they in going to sleep. At the same time they had few things to +talk of which they minded their hearing, and to the mother at least it +was a pleasure to have all her chickens in the nest with her. + +One evening after the boys were in bed, the father and mother sat +talking. They had a pint of beer on the table between them, of which the +woman tasted now and then that the man might imagine himself sharing it +with her. Silence had lasted for some time. The mother was busy +rough-patching a garment of Moxy's. The man's work for the day was over, +but not the woman's! + +"Well, I dunnow!" he said at last, and there ceased. + +"What don ye know, John?" asked his wife, in a tone she would have tried +to make cheerful had she but suspected it half as mournful as it was. + +"There's that Mr. Christopher as was such a friend!" he said: "--you +don't disremember what he used to say about the Almighty and that? You +remember as how he used to say a man could no more get out o' the sight +o' them eyes o' hisn than a child could get out o' sight o' the eyes on +his mother as was a watchin' of him!" + +"Yes, John, I do remember all that very well, and a great comfort it was +to me at the time to hear him say so, an' has been many's the time +since, when I had no other--leastways none but you an' the children. I +often think over what he said to you an' me then when I was down, an' +not able to hold my head up, nor feelin' as if I should ever lift it no +more!" + +"Well, I dunnow!" said Franks, and paused again. + +But this time he resumed, "What troubles me is this:--if that there +mother as was a lookin' arter her child, was to see him doin' no better +'n you an' me, an' day by day gettin' furder on the wrong way, I should +say she wan't much of a mother to let us go on in that 'ere way as I +speak on." + +"She might ha' got her reasons for it, John," returned his wife, in some +fear lest the hope she cherished was going to give way in her husband. +"P'r'aps she might see, you know, that the child might go a little +farther and fare none the worse. When the children want their dinner +very bad, I ha' heerd you say to them sometimes, 'Now kids, ha' +patience. Patience is a fine thing. What if ye do be hungry, you ain't a +dyin' o' hunger. You'll wear a bit longer yet!' Ain't I heerd you say +that John--more'n once, or twice, or thrice?" + +"There ain't no need to put me to my oath like that, old woman! I ain't +a goin' for to deny it! You needn't go to put it to me as if I was the +pris'ner at the bar, or a witness as wanted to speak up for him!--But +you must allow this is a drivin' of it jest a _leetle_ too far! +Here we be come up to Lon'on a thinkin' to better ourselves--not wantin' +no great things--sich we don't look for to get--but jest thinkin' as how +it wur time'--as th' parson is allus a tellin' his prishioners, to lay +by a shillin' or two to keep us out o' th' workus, when 't come on to +rain, an' let us die i' the open like, where a poor body can +breathe!--that's all as we was after! an' here, sin' ever we come, fust +one shillin' goes, an' then another shillin' goes as we brought with us, +till we 'ain't got one, as I may almost say, left! An' there ain't no +luck! I'stead o' gitting more we git less, an' that wi' harder work, as +is a wearin' out me an' the b'ys; an'--" + +Here he was interrupted by a cry from the bed. It was the voice of +little Moxy, the Sarpint o' the Prairies. + +"I ain't wore out, father! I'm good for another go." + +"I ain't neither, gov'nor. I got a lot more work in me!" + +"No, nor me," cried the third. "I likes London. I can stand on my head +twice as long as Tommy Blake, an he's a year older 'n I am." + +"Hold your tongues, you rascals, an' go to sleep," growled the father, +pretending to be angry with them. "What right have you to be awake at +this time o' the night--an' i' Lon'on too? It's not like the country, as +you very well know. I' the country you can do much as you like, but not +in the town! There's police, an' them's there for boys to mind what +they're about. You've no call to be awake when your father an' mother +want to be by theirselves--a listenin' to what they've got to say to one +another! Us two was man an' wife afore you was born!" + +"We wasn't a listenin', father. We was only hearin' 'cause we wasn't +asleep. An' you didn't speak down as if it was secrets!" + +"Well, you know, b'ys, there's things as fathers and mothers can +understand an' talk about, as no b'y's fit to see to the end on, an' so +they better go to sleep, an' wait till their turn comes to be fathers +an' mothers theirselves.--Go to sleep direc'ly, or I'll break every bone +in your bodies!" + +"Yes, father, yes!" they answered together, nowise terrified by the +awful threat--which was not a little weakened by the fact that they had +heard it every day of their lives, and not yet known it carried into +execution. + +But having been thus advised that his children were awake, the father, +without the least hypocrisy, conscious or unconscious, changed his tone: +in the presence of his children he preferred looking at the other side +of the argument. After a few moments' silence he began again thus:-- + +"Yes, as you was sayin', wife, an' I knows as you're always in the +right, if the right be anyhows to be got at--as you was sayin', I say, +there's no sayin' when that same as we was a speakin' of--the Almighty +is the man I mean--no sayin', I say, when he may come to see as we have, +as I may say, had enough on it, an' turn an' let us have a taste o' luck +again! Luck's sweet; an' some likes, an' it may be as he likes to give +his childer a taste o' sweets now an' again, just as you and me, that is +when we can afford it, an' that's not often, likes to give ourn a +bull's-eye or a suck of toffy. I don't doubt _he_ likes to see us +enj'yin' of ourselves just as well as we like to see our little uns +enj'yin' o' _theirselves!_--It stands to reason, wife--don't it?" + +"So it do seem to me, John!" answered the mother. + +"Well," said Franks, apparently, now that he had taken up the defence of +the ways of the Supreme with men, warming to his subject, "I dessay he +do the best he can, an' give us as much luck as is good for us. +Leastways that's how the rest of us do, wife! We can't allus do as well +as we would like for to do for our little uns, but we _always_, in +general, does the best we can. It may take time--it may take time even +with all the infl'ence _he_ has, to get the better o' things as +stands in _his_ way! We'll suppose yet a while, anyhow, as how he's +a lookin' arter us. It can't be for nothink as he counts the hairs on +our heads--as the sayin' is!--though for my part I never could see what +good there was in it. But if it ain't for somethink, why it's no more +good than the census, which is a countin' o' the heads theirselves." + +There are, or there used to be when I was a boy, who, in their reverence +for the name of the Most High, would have shown horror at the idea that +he could not do anything or everything in a moment as it pleased him, +but would not have been shocked at all at the idea that he might not +please to give this or that man any help. In their eyes power was a +grander thing than love, though it is nowhere said in the Book that God +is omnipotence. Such, because they are told that he is omnipotent, call +him Omnipotence; when told that he is Love, do not care to argue that he +must then be loving? But as to doing what he wills with a word--see what +it cost him to redeem the world! He did not find that easy, or to be +done in a moment without pain or toil. Yea, awfully omnipotent is God. +For he wills, effects and perfects the thing which, because of the bad +in us, he has to carry out in suffering and sorrow, his own and his +Son's Evil is a hard thing for God himself to overcome. Yet thoroughly +and altogether and triumphantly will he overcome it; and that not by +crushing it underfoot--any god of man's idea could do that!--but by +conquest of heart over heart, of life in life, of life over death. +Nothing shall be too hard for the God that fears not pain, but will +deliver and make true and blessed at his own severest cost. + +For a time, then, the Frankses went on, with food to eat and money to +pay their way, but going slowly down the hill, and finding it harder and +harder to keep their footing. By and by the baby grew worse, pining +visibly. They sought help at the hospital, but saw no Mr. Christopher, +and the baby did not improve. Still they kept on, and every day the +husband brought home a little money. Several times they seemed on the +point of an engagement, but as often something came between, until at +length Franks almost ceased to hope, and grew more and more silent, +until at last he might well have appeared morose. The wonder to me is +that any such as do not hope in a Power loving to perfection, should +escape moroseness. Under the poisonous influences of anxiety, a loving +man may become unkind, even cruel to the very persons for whose sake he +is anxious. In good sooth what we too often count righteous care, but +our Lord calls the care of the world, consumes the life of the heart as +surely as the love of money. At the root they are the same. Yet evil +thing as anxiety is, it were a more evil thing to be delivered from it +by anything but the faith of the Son of God--that is faith in his Father +and our Father; it would be but another and worse, because more +comfortable form of the same slavery. + +Poor Franks, however, with but a little philosophy, had much affection, +which is indeed the present God in a man--and so did not go far in the +evil direction. The worse sign of his degenerating temper was the more +frequently muttered oath of impatience with his boys--never with his +wife; and not one of them was a moment uneasy in consequence--only when +the _gov'nor_ wasn't jolly, neither were they. + +The mind of Franks, so it appears to me, was mainly a slow sullen stream +of subthought, a something neither thought nor feeling but partaking of +the character of both, a something more than either, namely, the +substance of which both are formed--the undeveloped elemental life, +risen a little way, and but a little way, towards consciousness. The +swifter flow of this stream is passion, the gleams of it where it +ripples into the light, are thoughts. This sort of nature can endure +much without being unhappy. What would crush a swift-thinking man is +upborne by the denser tide. Its conditions are gloomier, and it consorts +more easily with gloom. But light and motion and a grand future are +waiting for such as he. All their sluggish half-slumberous being will be +roused and wrought into conscious life--nor the unconscious whence it +arises be therein exhausted, for that will be ever supplied and upheld +by the indwelling Deity. In his own way Franks was in conflict with the +problems of life; neither was he very able to encounter them; but on the +other hand he was one to whom wonders might safely be shown, for he +would use them not speculatively but practically. "Nothing almost sees +miracles but misery," perhaps because to misery alone, save it be to the +great unselfish joy, is it safe to show miracles. Those who must see ere +they will believe, may have to be brought to the verge of the infinite +grave that a condition fit for seeing may be effected in them. "Blessed +are they who have not seen and yet have believed." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + +OUT OF THE FRYING-PAN. + + +There is another person in my narrative whom the tide of her destiny +seemed now to have caught and to be bearing more swiftly somewhither. +Unable, as she concluded, any longer to endure a life bounded by the +espionage, distrust, and ill-tempered rebuke of the two wretched dragons +whose misery was their best friend--saving them from foreboded want by +killing them while yet they had something to live upon--Amy Amber did at +last as she had threatened, and one morning when, in amazement that she +was so late, they called her, they received no answer, neither could +find her in or out of the house. She had applied to a friend in London, +and following her advice, had taken the cheap train overnight, and gone +to her. She met her, took her home; and helped her in seeking a +situation--with the result that, before many days were over, her +appearance and manners being altogether in her favor, she obtained her +desire--a place behind a counter in one of the largest shops. There she +was kept hard at work, and the hours of business were long; but the +labor was by no means too much for the fine health and spirits which now +blossomed in her threefold. + +Her aunts raised an outcry of horror and dismay first, then of +reprobation, accusing her of many things, and among the rest of those +faults of which they were in reality themselves guilty toward her; for +as to the gratitude and affection we are so ready to claim and so slow +to pay, the debt was great on their part, and very small indeed on hers. +They wrote to her guardians of course to acquaint them with the shocking +fact of her flight, but dwelt far more upon the badness of her behavior +to them from the first, the rapidity with which she had deteriorated, +and the ghastliness of their convictions as to the depth of the +degradation she had preferred to the shelter of their--very +moth-eaten--wings. + +The younger of the two guardians was a man of business, and at once took +proper measures for discovering her. It was not, however, before the +lapse of several months that he succeeded. By that time her employers +were so well satisfied with her, that after an interview with them, +followed by one with the girl herself, he was convinced that she was +much better where she was than with her aunts, whose dispositions were +not unknown to him. So he left her in peace. + +Knowing nothing of London, interested in all she saw, and much occupied +with her new way of life, Amy did not at once go to find her friend Miss +Raymount. She often recalled her kindness, often dreamed of the +beautiful lady who had let her brush her hair, and always intended to +seek her as soon as she could feel at leisure. But the time wore away, +and still she had not gone. + +She continued a well behaved girl, went regularly to church on Sundays, +had many friends but few intimates, and lived with the girl who had been +her friend before her mother's death. Her new way of life was, no doubt, +from its lack of home-ties, and of the restraining if not always +elevating influences of older people, dangerous: no kite can soar +without the pull of the string; but danger is less often ruin than some +people think; and the propt house is not the safest in the row. He who +can walk without falling, will learn to walk the better that his road is +not always of the smoothest; and, as Sir Philip Sidney says, "The +journey of high honor lies not in plain ways." + +Such were the respective conditions of Amy Amber and the Frankses, when +the Raymounts left London. The shades were gathering around the family; +the girl had passed from the shadow into the shine. Hester knew nothing +of the state of either, nor had they ever belonged to her flock. It was +not at all for them she was troubled in the midst of the peace and rest +of her new life when she felt like a shepherd compelled to leave his +sheep in the wilderness. Amid the sweet delights of sunshine, room, air, +grass, trees, flowers, music, and the precious stores of an old library, +every now and then she would all at once imagine herself a herald that +had turned aside into the garden of the enchantress. Were not her poor +friends the more sorely tried that she was dwelling at ease? Could it be +right? Yet for the present she could see no way of reaching them. All +she could do for them was to cultivate her gifts, in the hope of one day +returning to them the more valuable for the separation. + +One good thing that came of the change was that she and her father were +drawn in the quiet of this country life closer together. When Mr. +Raymount's hours of writing were over, he missed the more busy life into +which he had been able to turn at will, and needed a companion. His wife +not being able to go with him, he naturally turned to his daughter, and +they took their walks abroad together. In these Hester learned much. Her +father was not chiefly occupied with the best things, but he was both of +a learning and a teaching nature. There are few that in any true sense +can be said to be alive: of Mr. Raymount it might be said that he was +coming alive; and it was no small consolation to Hester to get thus +nearer to him. Like the rest of his children she had been a little +afraid of him, and fear, though it may dig deeper the foundations of +love, chokes its passages; she was astonished to find before a month was +over, how much of companions as well as friends they had become to each +other. + +Most fathers know little of their sons and less of their daughters. +Because familiar with every feature of their faces, every movement of +their bodies, and the character of their every habitual pose, they take +it for granted they know them! Doubtless knowledge of the person does +through the body pass into the beholder, but there are few parents who +might not make discoveries in their children which would surprise them. +Some such discoveries Mr. Raymount began to make in Hester. + +She kept up a steady correspondence with Miss Dasomma, and that also was +a great help to her. She had a note now and then from Mr. Vavasor, and +that was no help. A little present of music was generally its pretext. +He dared not trust himself to write to her about anything else--not from +the fear of saying more than was prudent, but because, not even yet +feeling to know what she would think about this or that, he was afraid +of encountering her disapprobation. In music he thought he did +understand her, but was in truth far from understanding her. For to +understand a person in any one thing, we must at least be capable of +understanding him in everything. Even the bits of news he ventured to +send her, all concerned the musical world--except when he referred now +and then to Cornelius he never omitted to mention his having been to his +aunt's. Hester was always glad when she saw his writing, and always +disappointed with the letter--she could hardly have said why, for she +never expected it to go beyond the surfaces of things: he was not yet +sufficiently at home with her, she thought, to lay open the stores of +his heart and mind--as he would doubtless have been able to do more +readily had he had a sister to draw him out! + +Vavasor found himself in her absence haunted with her face, her form, +her voice, her song, her music,--sometimes with the peace and power of +her presence, and the uplifting influence she exercised upon him, It is +possible for a man to fall in love with a woman he is centuries from +being able to understand. But how the form of such a woman must be +dwarfed in the camera of such a man's mind! It is the falsehood of the +silliest poetry to say he defies the image of his beloved. He is but a +telescope turned wrong end upon her. If such a man could see such a +woman after her true proportions, and not as the puppet he imagines her, +thinking his own small great-things of her, he would not be able to love +her at all. To see how he sees her--to get a glimpse of the shrunken +creature he has to make of her ere, through his proud door, he can get +her into the straightened cellar of his poor, pinched heart, would be +enough to secure any such woman from the possibility of falling in love +with such a man. Hester knew that in some directions he was much +undeveloped; but she thought she could help him; and had he thoroughly +believed in and loved her, which he was not capable of doing, she could +have helped him. But a vision of the kind of creature he was capable of +loving--therefore the kind of creature he imagined her in loving her, +would have been--to use a low but expressive phrase--_a sickener to +her_. + +At length, in one of his brief communications, he mentioned that his +yearly resurrection was at hand--his butterfly-month he called it--when +he ceased for the time to be a caterpillar, and became a creature of the +upper world, reveling in the light and air of summer. He must go +northward, he said; he wanted not a little bracing for the heats of the +autumnal city. The memories of Burcliff drew him potently thither, but +would be too sadly met by its realities. He had an invitation to the +opposite coast which he thought he would accept. He did not know exactly +where Paradise lay, but if he found it within accessible distance, he +hoped her parents would allow him to call some morning and be happy for +an hour or two. + +Hester answered that her father and mother would be glad to see him, and +if he were inclined to spend a day or two, there was a beautiful country +to show him. If his holiday happened again to coincide with Corney's, +perhaps they would come down together. If he cared for sketching, there +was no end of picturesque spots as well as fine landscapes. + +Of music or singing she said not a word. + +By return of post came a grateful acceptance. About a week after, they +heard from Cornelius that his holiday was not to make its appearance +before vile November. He did not inform them that he sought an exchange +with a clerk whose holiday fell in the said undesirable month. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + +WAS IT INTO THE FIRE? + + +One lovely evening in the beginning of June, when her turn had come to +get away a little earlier, Amy Amber thought with herself she would at +last make an effort to find Miss Raymount. In the hurry of escaping from +Burcliff she left her address behind, but had long since learned it from +a directory, and was now sufficiently acquainted with London to know how +to reach Addison square. Having dressed herself therefore in becoming +style, for dress was one of the instincts of the girl--an unacquirable +gift, not necessarily associated with anything noble--in the daintiest, +brightest little bonnet, a well-made, rather gay print, boots just a +little too _auffallend_, and gloves that clung closer to the small +short hand than they had to cling to the bodies of the rodents from +which they came, she set out for her visit. + +In every motion and feeling, Amy Amber was a little lady. She had not +much experience. She could not fail to show ignorance of some of the +small ways and customs of the next higher of the social strata. But such +knowledge is not essential to ladyhood, though half-ladies think +themselves whole ladies because they have it. To become ladies indeed +they have to learn what those things and the knowledge of them are +really worth. And there was another thing in which Amy was unlike many +who would on the ground of mere social position have counted themselves +immeasurably her superiors: she was incapable of being disagreeable, and +from the thing in itself ill-bred recoiled instinctively. Without +knowing it, she held the main secret of all good manners: she was +simple. Many a one imitates simplicity, but Amy was simple--_one-fold_. +She never put anything on, never wished to appear anything, never tried +to look pleasant. When cross, which she was sometimes, though very rarely, +she tried to _be_ pleasant. If I could convey the idea of her, with +her peaceful temperament and her sunshiny summer-atmosphere, most of my +readers would allow she must have been an engaging and lovable little lady. + +She got into an omnibus, and all the way distinguished herself by +readiness to make room. Can it be that the rarity of this virtue in +England has to do with our living in a straitened island? It +_ought_ to work in the contrary direction! The British lady, the +British gentleman too, seems to cultivate a natural repellence. Amy's +hospitable nature welcomed a fellow-creature even into an omnibus. + +She found Addison square, and the house she sought. It looked dingy and +dull, for many of its shutters were closed, and there was an +indescribable air of departure about it. She knocked nevertheless, and +the door was opened. She asked if Miss Raymount was at home. + +Now Sarah, with most of the good qualities of an old trustworthy +family-servant, had all the faults as well, and one or two besides. She +had not been to Burcliff, consequently did not know Amy, else certainly +she would not have behaved to her as she ought. Many householders have +not an idea how abominably the servants they count patterns of +excellence comport themselves to those even to whom special attention is +owing. + +"They are all out of town, miss," replied Sarah, "--except Mr. +Cornelius, of course." + +At that moment Mr. Cornelius, on his way to go out, stepped on the +landing of the stair, and stood for an instant looking down into the +hall, wondering who it might be at the door. From his position he could +not see Amy's face, and had he seen it, I doubt if he would have +recognized her, but the moment he heard her voice he knew it, and +hurried down his face in a glow of pleasure. But as he drew near, the +change in her seemed to him so great that he could hardly believe with +his eyes what his ears had told him. + +From the first, Corney, like every one else of the family, was taken +with Amy, and Amy was not less than a little taken with him. The former +fact is not wonderful, the latter not altogether inexplicable. No man +needs flatter his _vanity_ much on the ground of being liked by +women, for there never yet was man but some woman was pleased with him. +Corney was good-looking, and, except with his own people, ready enough +to make himself agreeable. Troubled with no modesty and very little +false shame, and having a perfect persuasion of the power of his +intellect and the felicity of his utterance, he never lost the chance of +saying a good thing from the fear of saying a foolish one; neither +having said a foolish one, did he ever perceive that such it was. With a +few of his own kind he had the repute of one who said very good things. +Amy, on her side, was ready to be pleased with whatever could be +regarded as pleasant--most of all with things intended to please, and +was prejudiced in Corney's favor through knowing less of him and more of +his family. Her face beamed with pleasure at sight of him, and almost +involuntarily she stepped within the door to meet him. + +"Amy! Who would have thought of seeing you here? When did you come to +town?" he said, and shook hands with her. + +"I have been in London a long time," she answered. Corney thought she +looked as if she had. + +"How deuced pretty she is!" he said to himself. Quite lady-like, by +Jove." + +"Come up-stairs," he said, "and tell me all about it." + +He turned and led the way. Without a second thought, Amy followed him. +Sarah stood for a moment with a stare, wondering who the lady could be: +Mr. Cornelius was so much at home with her! and she had never been to +the house before! "A cousin from Australia," she concluded: they had +cousins there. + +Cornelius went into the drawing-room, Amy after him, and opened the +shutters of a window, congratulating himself on his good luck. Not often +did anything so pleasant enter the stupid old place! He made her sit on +the sofa in the half-dark, sat down beside her, and in a few minutes had +all her story. Moved by her sweet bright face and pretty manners, +pleased with the deference, amounting to respect, which she showed him, +he began to think her the nicest girl he had ever known. For her +behavior made him feel a large person with power over her, in which +power she seemed pleased to find herself. After a conversation of about +half an hour, she rose. + +"What!" said Corney, "you're not going already, Amy?" + +"Yes, sir," replied Amy, "I think I had better go. I am so sorry not to +see Miss Raymount! She was very kind to me!" + +"You mustn't go yet," said Corney. "Sit down and rest a little. +Come--you used to like music: I will sing to you, and you shall tell me +whether I have improved since you heard me last." + +He went to the piano, and Amy sat down again. He sang with his usual +inferiority--which was not so inferior that he failed of pleasing simple +Amy. She expressed herself delighted. He sang half a dozen songs, then +showed her a book of photographs, chiefly portraits of the more famous +actresses of the day, and told her about them. With one thing and +another he kept her--until Sarah grew fidgety, and was on the point of +stalking up from the kitchen to the drawing-room, when she heard them +coming down. Cornelius took his hat and stick, and said he would walk +with her. Amy made no objection; she was pleased to have his company; he +went with her all the way to the lodging she shared with her friend in a +quiet little street in Kensington. Before they parted, her manner and +behavior, her sweetness, and the prettiness which would have been beauty +had it been on a larger scale, had begun to fill what little there was +of Corney's imagination; and he left her with a feeling that he knew +where a treasure lay. He walked with an enlargement of strut as he went +home through the park, and swung his cane with the air of a man who had +made a conquest of which he had reason to be proud. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + +WAITING A PURPOSE. + + +The hot dreamy days rose and sank in Yrndale. Hester would wake in the +morning oppressed with the feeling that there was something she ought to +have begun long ago, and must positively set about this new day. Then as +her inner day cleared, she would afresh recognize her duty as that of +those who stand and wait. She had no great work to do--only the common +family duties of the day, and her own education for what might be the +will of Him who, having made her for something, would see that the +possibility of that something should not be wanting. In the heat of the +day she would seek a shady spot with a book for her companion--generally +some favorite book, for she was not one of those who say of one book as +of another--"Oh, I've read that!" It was some time before she came to +like any particular spot: so many drew her, and the spirit of +exploration in that which was her own was strong in her. Under the +shadow of some rock, the tent-roof of some umbrageous beech, or the +solemn gloom of some pine-grove, the brooding spirit of the summer would +day after day find her when the sun was on the height of his great +bridge, and fill her with the sense of that repose in which alone she +herself can work. Then would such a quiescence pervade Hester's spirit, +such a sweet spiritual sleep creep over her, that nothing seemed +required of her but to live; mere existence was conscious well-being. +But the feeling never lasted long. All at once would start awake in her +the dread that she was forsaking the way, inasmuch as she was more +willing to be idle, and rest in inaction. Then would faith rouse herself +and say: "But God will take care of you in this thing too. You have not +to watch lest He should forget, but to be ready when He gives you the +lightest call. You have to keep listening." And the ever returning +corrective to such mood came with the evening; for, regularly as she +went to bed at night and left it in the morning, she went from the +tea-table in the afternoon to her piano, and there, through all the +sweet evening movements and atmospheric changes of the brain--for the +brain has its morning and evening, its summer and winter as well as the +day and the year--would meditate aloud, or brood aloud over the musical +meditations of some master in harmony. And oftener than she knew, +especially in the twilight, when the days had grown shorter, and his +mother feared for him the falling dew, would Mark be somewhere in the +dusk listening to her, a lurking cherub, feeding on her music--sometimes +ascending on its upward torrent to a solitude where only God could find +him. + +At such time the thought of Vavasor would come, and for a while remain; +but it was chiefly as one who would be a welcome helper in her work. +When for the time she had had enough of music, softly as she would have +covered a child, she would close her piano, then glide like a bat into +the night, and wander hither and thither through the gloom without +conscious choice. Then most would she think what it would be to have a +man for a friend, one who would strengthen her heart and make her bold +to do what was needful and right; and if then the thoughts of the maiden +would fall to the natural architecture of maidens, and build one or two +of the airy castles into which no man has looked or can look, and if +through them went flitting the form of Vavasor, who will wonder! It is +not the building of castles in the steepest heights of air that is to be +blamed, but the building of such as inspector conscience is not invited +to enter. To cherish the ideal of a man with whom to walk on her way +through the world, is as right for a woman as it was for God to make +them male and female; and to the wise virgin it will ever be a solemn +thought, lovelily dwelt upon, and never mockingly, when most playfully +handled. For there is a play even with most serious things that has in +it no offense. Humor has its share even in religion--but oh, how few +seem to understand its laws! I confess to a kind of foreboding shudder +when even a clergyman begins to jest upon the borders of sacred things. +It is not humor that is irreverent, but the mind that gives it the wrong +turn. As we may be angry and not sin, so may we jest and not sin. But +there is a poor ambition to be married, which is, I fear, the thought +most present with too many young women. They feel as if their worth +remained unacknowledged, as if there were for them no place they could +call their own in society, until they find a man to take them under his +wing. She degrades womanhood who thinks thus of herself. It says ill for +the relation of father and mother if the young women of a family recoil +from the thought of being married, but it says ill for the relation of +parents and children if they are longing to be married. + +One evening towards the end of July, when the summer is at its heat, and +makes the world feel as if there never had been, and never ought to be +anything but summer; and when the wind of its nights comes to us from +the land where the sun is not, to tell human souls that, dear as is the +sunlight to their eyes, there are sweeter things far with which the sun +has little to do--Hester was sitting under a fir-tree on the gathered +leaves of numberless years, pine-odors filling the air around her, as if +they, too, stole out with the things of the night when the sun was gone. +It happened that a man came late in the day to tune her piano, and she +had left him at his work, and wandered up the hill in the last of the +sunlight. All at once the wind awoke, and began to sing the strange, +thin, monotonous Elysian ghost-song of the pine-wood--for she sat in a +little grove of pines, and they were all around her. The sweet +melancholy of the hour moved her spirit. So close was her heart to that +of nature that, when alone with it, she seldom or never longed for her +piano; she _had_ the music, and did not need to hear it. When we +are very near to God, we do not desire the Bible. When we feel far from +him, we may well make haste to it. Most people, I fear, wait till they +are inclined to seek him. They do not stir themselves up to lay hold on +God; they breathe the dark airs of the tomb till the morning break, +instead of rising at once and setting out on their journey to meet it. + +As she sat in music-haunted reverie, she heard a slight rustle on the +dry carpet around her feet, and the next moment saw dark in the gloom +the form of a man. She was startled, but he spoke instantly; it was +Vavasor. She was still, and could not answer for a moment. + +"I am so sorry I frightened you!" he said. + +"It is nothing," she returned. "Why can't one help being silly? I don't +see why ladies should ever be frightened more than gentlemen." + +"Men are quite as easily startled as ladies," he answered, "though +perhaps they come to themselves a little quicker. Nothing is more +startling than to find some one near when you thought you were alone." + +"Except," said Hester, "finding yourself alone when you thought some one +was near. But how did you find me?" + +"They told me at the house you were somewhere in this direction. Mark +had followed you apparently some distance. So I ventured to come and +look for you, and--something led me right. But all the time I seem going +to lose myself instead of finding you." + +"It might be both," returned Hester; "for I don't at all know my way +with certainty, especially in the dusk. We are on the shady side of the +hill, you see." + +"I cannot have lost myself if I have found you," rejoined Vavasor, but +did not venture to carry the speech farther. + +"It is time we were moving," said Hester, "seeing we are both so +uncertain of the way. Who knows when we may reach the house!" + +"Do let us risk it a few minutes longer," said Vavasor. "This is +delicious. Just think a moment: this my first burst from the +dungeon-land of London for a whole year! This is paradise! I could fancy +I was dreaming of fairyland! But it is such an age since you left +London, that I fear you must be getting used to it, and will scarcely +understand my delight!" + +"It is only the false fairyland of mechanical inventors," replied +Hester, "that children ever get tired of. And yet I don't know," she +added, correcting herself; "it is true the things that delight Saffy are +a contempt to Mark; but I am sorry to say the things Mark delights in, +Saffy says are so dull; there is hardly a giant in them!" + +As they talked Vavasor had seated himself on the fir-spoil beside her. +She asked him about his journey and about Cornelius; then told him how +she came to be there instead of at her piano, + +"The tuner must have finished by this time!" she said; "let us go and +try his work!" + +So saying she rose, and was on her feet before Vavasor. The way seemed +to reveal itself to her as they went, and they were soon at home. + +The next fortnight Vavasor spent at Yrndale. In those days Nature had +the best chance with him she had yet had since first he came into her +dominions. For a man is a man, however he may have been "dragged up," +and however much injured he may be by the dragging. Society may have +sought to substitute herself for both God and Nature, and may have had a +horrible amount of success: the rout of Comus see no beast-faces among +them. Yet, I repeat, man is potentially a man, however far he may be +from actual manhood. What one man has, every man has, however hidden and +unrecognizable. Who knows what may not sometimes be awakened in him! The +most heartless scoffer may be suddenly surprised by emotion in a way to +him unaccountable; of all its approaches and all the preparation for it +he has been profoundly unaware. During that fortnight, Vavasor developed +not merely elements of which he had had no previous consciousness, but +elements in whose existence he could not be said to have really +believed. He believed in them the less in fact that he had affected +their existence in himself, and thought he possessed what there was of +them to be possessed. The most remarkable event at once of his inner and +outer history, and the only one that must have seemed almost incredible +to those who knew him best, was, that one morning he got up in time to +see, and for the purpose of seeing, the sun rise. I hardly expect to be +believed when I tell the fact! I am not so much surprised that he formed +the resolution the night before. Something Hester said is enough to +account for that. But that a man like him should already have got on so +far as, in the sleepiness of the morning, to keep the resolve he had +come to in the wakefulness of the preceding night, fills me with +astonishment. It was a great stride forward. Nor was this all: he really +enjoyed it! I do not merely mean that, as a victorious man, he enjoyed +the conquest of himself when the struggle was over, attributing to it +more heroism than it could rightly claim; nor yet that, as any young +human animal may, he enjoyed the clear invigorating clean air that +filled his lungs like a new gift of life and strength. He had poetry +enough to feel something of the indwelling greatness that belonged to +the vision itself--for a vision and a prophecy it is, as much as when +first it rose on the wondering gaze of human spirit, to every soul that +through its eyes can see what those eyes cannot see. He felt a power of +some kind present to his soul in the sight--though he but set it down to +poetic feeling, which he never imagined to have anything to do with +fact. It was in the so-called Christian the mere rudiment of that +worship of the truth which in the old Guebers was developed into +adoration of it in its symbol. It was the drawing of the eternal Nature +in him towards the naturing Eternal, whom he was made to understand, but +of whom he knew so little. + +When the evening came, after almost a surfeit of music, if one dare, +un-self-accused, employ such a word concerning a holy thing, they went +out to wander a little about the house in the twilight. + +"In such a still soft negative of life," he said, "as such an evening +gives us, really one could almost doubt whether there was indeed such a +constantly recurring phenomenon in nature as I saw this morning!" + +"What did you see this morning?" asked Hester, wondering. + +"I saw the sun rise," he answered. + +"Did you really? I'm so glad! That is a sight rarely seen in London--at +least if I may judge by my own experience." + +"One goes to bed so late and so tired!" he replied simply. + +"True! and even if one be up in time, where could you see it from?" + +"I _have_ seen it rise coming home from a dance; but then somehow +you don't seem to have anything to do with it. I have, however, often +smelt the hay in the streets in the morning." + +Hester was checked by this mention of the hay--as if the sun was +something that belonged to the country, like the grass he withered; but +ere she had time to explain to herself what she felt, the next thing he +said got her over it. + +"I assure you I felt as if I had never seen the sun before. His way of +getting up was a new thing to me altogether. He seemed to mean +shining--and somehow I felt that he did. In London he always looks +indifferent--just as if he had got it to do, and couldn't help it, like +everybody else in the horrible place. Who is it that says--'God made the +country, and man made the town'?" + +"I think it was Cowper, but I'm not sure," answered Hester. "It can't be +quite true though. I suspect man has more to do with the unmaking than +the making of either. We have reason to be glad he has not come near +enough to us yet to destroy either our river or our atmosphere." + +"He is creeping on, though. The quarries are not very far from you even +now." + +"The quarries do little or no harm. There are a great many things man +may do that only make nature show her beauty the more. I have been +thinking a good deal about it lately: it is the rubbish that makes all +the difficulty--the refuse of the mills and the pits and the iron-works +and the potteries that does all the mischief." + +"So it is! and worst of all the human rubbish--especially that which +gathers in our great cities, and gives so much labor in vain to +clergyman and philanthropist!" + +Hester smiled--not that she was pleased with the way Vavasor spoke, for +she could not but believe he would in his _rubbish_ include many of +her dear people, but that she was amused at his sympathetic tone towards +the clergy as generally concerned in the matter. For she had had a +little experience, and had listened to much testimony from such as knew, +and firmly believed that the clergy were very near the root of the evil; +and that not with the hoe and weeder, but with the watering pot and +artificial manure, helping largely to convert the poor--into beggars, +and the lawless into hypocrites, heaping cairn upon cairn on the grave +of their poor prostrate buried souls. But thank God, it is by the few, +but fast increasing exceptions, that she knew what the rest were doing! + +But perhaps he meant only the wicked when he used the word. + +"What do you mean by the human rubbish, Mr. Vavasor?" she asked. + +He saw he must be careful, and would fence a little. + +"Don't you think," he said slowly, and measuring his words, "that in the +body politic there is something analogous to the waste in matter?" + +"Certainly," she answered, "only we might differ as to the persons who +were to be classed in it. I think we should be careful of our judgment +as to when that state has been reached. I fancy that is just the one +thing the human faculty is least able to cope with. None but God can +read in a man what he really is. It can't be a safe thing to call human +beings, our own kith and kin, born into the same world with us, and +under the same laws of existence, _rubbish_." + +"I see what you mean," said Vavasor to Hester. But to himself said, +"Good heavens!" + +"You see," Hester went on--they were walking in the dark dusk, she +before him in a narrow path among the trees, whence she was able both to +think and speak more freely than if they had been looking in each +other's face in the broad daylight--"you see, rubbish with life in it is +an awkward thing to deal with. Rubbish proper is that out of which the +life, so far at least as we can see, is gone; and this loss of life has +rendered it useless, so that it cannot even help the growth of life in +other things. But suppose, on the one hand, this rubbish, say that which +lies about the mouth of a coal-pit, could be by some process made to +produce the most lovely flowers, or that, on the other hand, if +neglected, it would bring out the most horrible weeds of poison; +infecting the air, or say horrible creeping things, then the word +_rubbish_ would mean either too much or too little; for it means +what can be put to no use, and what is noxious by its mere presence, its +ugliness and immediate defilement. You see, Mr. Vavasor, I have been +thinking a great deal about all this kind of thing. It is my business in +a way." + +"But would you not allow that the time comes when nothing can be done +with them?" + +"I will not allow it of any I have to do with, at least before I can say +with confidence I have done all I can. After that another may be able to +do more. And who shall say when God can do no more--God who takes no +care of himself, and is laboriously working to get his children home." + +"I confess," said Vavasor, "the condition of our poor in our large towns +is the great question of the day." + +"--which every one is waking up to _talk_ about," said Hester, and +said no more. + +For, as one who tried to do something, she did not like to go on and say +that if all who found the question interesting, would instead of talking +about it do what they could, not to its solution but to its removal, +they would at least make their mark on the _rubbish_-heap, of which +not all the wind of words would in ten thousand years blow away a +spadeful. And yet is talk a less evil than the mischief of mere +experimenters. It is well there is the talk to keep many from doing +positive harm. It is not those who, regarding the horrors around them as +a nuisance, are bent upon their destruction, who will work any salvation +in the earth, but those who see the wrongs of the poor, and strive to +give them their own. Not those who desire a good report among men, nor +those who seek an antidote against the tedium of a selfish existence, +but those who, loving their own flesh and blood, and willing not merely +to spend but to be spent for them, draw nigh them, being to being, will +cause the light to rise upon such as now sit in darkness and the shadow +of death. Love, and love alone, as from the first it is the source of +all life, love alone, wise at once and foolish as a child, can work +redemption. It is life drawing nigh to life, person to person, the human +to human, that conquers death. This--therefore urges people to combine, +seeking the strength of men, not the strength of God. The result is as +he would have it--inevitable quarreling. The unfit brought in for +strength are weakness and destruction. They want their own poor way, and +destroy the work of their hands by the sound of their tongues. +Combinations should be for passing necessities, and only between those +who can each do good work alone, and will do it with or without +combination. Whoever depends on combinations is a weakness to any +association, society or church to which he may imagine himself to +belong. The more easily any such can be dissolved the better. It is +always by single individual communication that the truth has passed in +power from soul to soul. Love alone, and the obligation thereto between +the members of Christ's body, is the one eternal unbreakable bond. It is +only where love is not that law must go. Law is indeed necessary, but +woe to the community where love does not cast out--where at least love +is not casting out law. Not all the laws in the universe can save a man +from poverty, not to say from sin, not to say from conscious misery. +Work on, ye who cannot see this. Do your best. You will be rewarded +according to your honesty. You will be saved by the fire that will +destroy your work, and will one day come to see that Christ's way, and +no other whatever, can either redeem your own life, or render the +condition of the poorest or the richest wretch such as would justify his +creation. If by the passing of this or that more or less wise law, you +could, in the person of his descendant of the third or fourth +generation, make a _well-to-do_ man of him, he would probably be a +good deal farther from the kingdom of heaven than the beggar or the +thief over whom you now lament. The criminal classes, to use your +phrase, are not made up of quite the same persons in the eyes of the +Supreme as in yours. + +Vavasor began to think that if ever the day came when he might approach +Hester "as a suitor for her hand," he must be very careful over what he +called her philanthropic craze. But if ever he should in earnest set +about winning her, he had full confidence in the artillery he could +bring to the siege: he had not yet made any real effort to gain her +affections. + +Neither had he a doubt that, having succeeded, all would be easy, and he +could do with her much as he pleased. He had no anxiety concerning the +philanthropic craze thereafter. His wife, once introduced to such +society as would then be her right, would speedily be cured of any such +extravagance or enthusiasm as gave it the character of folly. + +Under the influence of the lovely place, of the lovely weather, and of +his admiration for Hester, the latent poetry of his nature awoke with +increasing rapidity; and, this reacting on its partial occasion, he was +growing more and more in love with Hester. He was now, to use the phrase +with which he confessed the fact to himself, "over head and ears in love +with her," and notwithstanding the difficulties in his way, it was a +pleasant experience to him: like most who have gone through the same, he +was at this time nearer knowing what bliss may be than he had ever been +before. Most men have the gates once thus opened to them a little way, +that they may have what poor suggestion may be given them, by their +closing again, of how far off they are from them. Very hard! Is it? Then +why in the name of God, will you not go up to them and enter? You do not +like the conditions? But the conditions are the only natural +possibilities of entrance. Enter as you are and you would but see the +desert you think to leave behind you, not a glimpse of a promised land. +The false cannot inherit the true nor the unclean the lovely. + +And it began to grow plain to him that now his aunt could no longer look +upon the idea of such an alliance, as she must _naturally_ have +regarded it before. It was a very different thing to see her in the +midst of such grounds and in such a house, with all the old-fashioned +comforts and luxuries of an ancient and prosperous family around her, +and in that of a toiling _litterateur_ in the dingy region of +Bloomsbury, where everything was--of course respectable in a way, but +that way a very inferior and--well, snuffy kind of way--where indeed you +could not dissociate the idea of smoke and brokers' shops from the +newest bonnet on Hester's queenly head! If he could get his aunt to see +her in the midst of these surroundings, then her beauty would have a +chance of working its natural effect upon her, tuned here to "its right +praise and true perfection." She was not a jealous woman, and was ready +to admire where she could, but not the less would keep even beauty at +arm's length when prudence recommended: here, thought Vavasor, prudence +would hold her peace. He would at least himself stand amid no small +amount of justification. + +By degrees, and without any transition marked of Hester, emboldened +mainly by the influences of the soft dusky twilight, he came to speak +with more warmth and nearer approach. His heart was tuned above its +ordinary pitch, and he was borne a captive slave in the triumph of +Nature's hour. + +"How strangely this loveliness seems to sink into the soul," he said one +evening, when the bats were coming and going like thoughts that refuse +to take shape and be shared, and when with intensest listening you could +not be sure whether it was a general murmur of nature you heard, low in +her sleep, or only the strained nerves of your own being imitating that +which was not. + +"For the moment," he went on, "you seem to be the soul of that which is +around you, yet oppressed with the weight of its vastness, and unable to +account for what is going on in it." + +"I think I understand you," returned Hester. "It is strange to feel at +once so large and so small; but I presume that is how all true feeling +seems to itself." + +"You are right," responded Vavasor; "for when one loves, how it exalts +his whole being, yet in the presence of the woman he worships, how small +he feels, and how unworthy!" + +In the human being humility and greatness are not only correlative, but +are one and the same condition. But this was beyond Vavasor. + +For the first time in her life Hester felt, nor knew what it was, a +vague pang of jealousy. Whatever certain others may think, there are +women who, having had their minds constantly filled with true and +earnest things, have come for years to woman's full dignity, without +having even speculated on what it may be to be in love. Such therefore +are somewhat in the dark when first it begins to show itself within +themselves: that it should be within them, they having never invited its +presence, adds to their perplexity. She was silent, and Vavasor, whose +experience was scarcely so valuable as her ignorance, judged he might +venture a little farther. But with all his experience in the manufacture +of compliments and in high-flown poetry, he was now at a loss; he had no +fine theories of love to talk from! Love was with him, _at its +best_, the something that preceded marriage--after which, whatever +boys and girls might think, and although, of course, to a beautiful wife +like Hester he could never imagine himself false, it must take its +chance. But as he sat beside God's loveliest idea, exposed to the +mightiest enchantment of life, little imagining it an essential heavenly +decree for the redemption of the souls of men, he saw, for broken +moments, and with half-dazed glimpses, into the eternal, and spoke as +one in a gracious dream: + +"If one might sit forever thus!" he said, almost in a whisper,--"forever +and ever, needing nothing, desiring nothing! lost in perfect, in +absolute bliss! so peacefully glad that you do not want to know what +other joy lies behind! so content, that, if you were told there was no +other bliss, you would but say, 'I am the more glad; I want no other! I +refuse all else! let the universe hear, and trouble me with none! This +and nought else ought ever to be--on and on! to the far-away end. The +very soul of me is music, and needs not the softest sound of earth to +keep it alive.'" + +At that moment came a sigh of the night-wind, and bore to their ears the +whispered moan of the stream away in the hollow, as it broke its being +into voice over the pebbly troubles of its course. It came with a swell, +and a faint sigh through the pines, and they woke and answered it with +yet more ethereal voice. + +"Still! still!" said Vavasor, apostrophizing the river as if it were a +live thing and understood him; "do not speak to me. I cannot attend even +to your watery murmur. A sweeter music, born of the motions of my own +spirit, fills my whole hearing. Be content with thy flowing, as I am +content with my being. Would that God in the mercy of a God would make +this moment eternal!" + +He ceased, and was silent. + +Hester could not help being thrilled by the rhythm, moved by the poetic +phrase, and penetrated by the air of poetic thought that pervaded the +utterance--which would doubtless indeed have entranced many a smaller +woman than herself, yet was not altogether pleased. Never yet had she +reached anything like a moment concerning which even in transient mood +she could pray, "Let it last forever!" Nor was the present within sight +of any reason why she should not wish it to make way for a better behind +it. But the show of such feeling in Vavasor, was at least the unveiling +of a soul of song in him, of such a nature, such a relation to upper +things that he must one day come to feel the highest, and know a bliss +beyond all feeble delights of the mere human imagination. She must not +be captious and contrary with the poor fellow, she thought--that would +be as bad as to throw aside her poor people: he was afflicted with the +same poverty that gave all the sting to theirs. To be a true woman she +must help all she could help--rich or poor, nor show favor. "Thou shalt +not countenance a poor man in his cause." + +"I do not _quite_ understand you," she said. "I can scarcely +imagine the time should ever come when I should wish it, or even be +content that it should last for ever." + +"Have you had so little happiness?" he asked sympathetically. + +"I do not mean that," she replied. "Indeed I have had a great deal--more +than all but a very few, I should imagine. But I do not think much of +happiness. Perhaps that is a sign--I daresay it is--that I have not had +much of what is not happiness. But no amount of happiness that I have +known yet would make me wish the time to stand still. I want to be +always growing--and while one is growing Time cannot stand if he would: +you drag him on with you! I want, if you would like it better put in +that way, to be always becoming more and more capable of happiness. +Whether I have it or not, I must be and ought to be capable of it." + +"Ah!" returned Vavasor, "you are as usual out of sight beyond me. You +must take pity on me and carry me with you, else you will leave me miles +behind, and I shall never look on you again; and what eternity would be +to me without your face to look at, God only knows. There will be no +punishment necessary for me but to know that there is a gulf I cannot +pass between us." + +"But why should it be so!" answered Hester almost tenderly. "Our fate is +in our own hands. It is ours to determine the direction in which we +shall go. I don't want to preach to you, dear Mr. Vavasor, but so much +surely one friend may say to another! Why should not every one be +reasonable enough to seek the one best thing, and then there would be no +parting; whereas all the love and friendship in the world would not +suffice to keep people together if they were inwardly parted by such +difference as you imply." + +Vavasor's heart was touched in two ways by this simple speech--first, in +the best way in which it was at the moment capable of being touched; for +he could not help thinking for a moment what a blessed thing it must be +to feel good and have no weight upon you--as this lovely girl plainly +did, and live like her in perfect fearlessness of whatever might be +going to happen to you. Religion would be better than endurable in the +company of such an embodiment of it! He might even qualify for some +distinction in it with such a teacher!--Second, in the way of +self-satisfaction; for clearly she was not disinclined to be on terms of +closer intimacy with him. And as she made the advance why should he not +accept, if not the help, yet the offer of the help she had _almost_ +made? That would and could bind him to nothing. He understood her well +enough to have no slightest suspicion of any coquetry such as a fool +like Cornelius would have imagined. He was nevertheless a fool, also, +only of another and deeper sort. It needs brains to be a real fool! + +From that night he placed himself more than ever in the position of a +pupil towards her, hoping in the natural effect of the intimacy. To keep +up and deepen the relation, he would go on imagining himself in this and +that difficulty, such as he was never really in, or even quite knew that +he was not in. He was no conscious hypocrite in the matter--only his +intellect alone was concerned where he talked as if his being was. No +answer he could have had would have had the smallest effect on the +man--Vavasor only determined what he would say next. Hester kept trying +to meet him as simply and directly as she could, although to meet these +supposed difficulties she was unconsciously compelled to transform them, +in order to get a hold of them at all, into something the nearest like +them that she understood--still something very different from anything +in Vavasor's thoughts. But what she said made no difference to him, so +long as she would talk to him. And talk she did, sometimes with an +affectionate fervor of whose very possibility he had had no idea. So +long as she would talk, he cared not a straw whether she understood what +he had said; and with all her misconception, she understood it better +than he did himself. Thus her growing desire to wake in him the better +life, brought herself into relations with him which had an earthly side, +as everything heavenly of necessity has; for this life also is God's, +and the hairs of our heads are numbered. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +MAJOR H.G. MARVEL. + + +One afternoon when Vavasor was in his room, writing a letter to his +aunt, in which he described in not too glowing terms, for he knew +exaggeration would only give her a handle, the loveliness of the retreat +among the hills where he was spending his holiday--when her father was +in his study, her mother in her own room, and the children out of doors, +a gentleman was shown in upon her as she sat alone in the drawing-room +at her piano, not playing but looking over some books of old music she +had found in the house. The servant apologized, saying he thought she +was out. The visitor being already in the room, the glance she threw on +the card the man had given her had had time to teach her little or +nothing with regard to him when she advanced to receive him. The name on +the card was _Major H.G. Marvel_. She vaguely thought she had heard +it, but in the suddenness of the meeting was unable to recall a single +idea concerning the owner of it. She saw before her a man whose +decidedly podgy figure yet bore a military air, and was not without a +certain grace of confidence. For his bearing was even _marked_ by +the total absence of any embarrassment, anxiety, or any even of that air +of apology which one individual seems almost to owe to another. At the +same time there was not a suspicion of truculence or even repulse in his +carriage. There was self-assertion, but not of the antagonistic--solely +of the inviting sort. His person beamed with friendship. Notably above +the middle height, the impression of his stature was reduced by a too +great development of valor in the front of his person, which must always +have met the enemy considerably in advance of the rest of him. On the +top of rather asthmatic-looking shoulders was perched a head that looked +small for the base from which it rose, and the smaller that it was an +evident proof of the derivation of the word _bald_, by Chaucer +spelled _balled_; it was round and smooth and shining like ivory, +and the face upon it was brought by the help of the razor into as close +a resemblance with the rest of the ball as possible. The said face was a +pleasant one to look at--of features altogether irregular--a retreating +and narrow forehead over keen gray eyes that sparkled with intelligence +and fun, prominent cheek-bones, a nose thick in the base and +considerably elevated at the point, a large mouth always ready to show a +set of white, regular, serviceable teeth--the only regular arrangement +in the whole facial economy--and a chin whose original character was +rendered doubtful by its _duplicity_--physical, I mean, with no +hint at the moral. + +"Cousin Hester!" he said, advancing, and holding out his hand. + +Mechanically she gave him hers. The voice that addressed her was at once +a little husky, and very cheery; the hand that took hers was small and +soft and kind and firm. A merry, friendly smile lighted up eyes and face +as he spoke. Hester could not help liking him at first sight--yet felt a +little shy of him. She thought she had heard her mother speak of a +cousin somewhere abroad: this must be he--if indeed she did remember any +such! + +"You don't remember me," he said, "seeing you were not in this world, +wherever else you may have been, for a year or two after I left the +country: and, to tell the truth, had I been asked, I should have +objected to your appearance on any terms." + +As this speech did not seem to carry much enlightenment with it, he went +on to explain. "The fact is, my dear young lady, that I left the country +because your mother and I were too much of one mind." + +"Of one mind?" said Hester, bewildered. + +"Ah, you don't understand!" said the major, who was all the time +standing before her with the most polite though confident bearing. "The +thing you see, was this: I liked your mother better than myself, and so +did she; and without any jealousy of one another, it was not an +arrangement for my happiness. I had the choice between two things, +stopping at home and breaking my heart by seeing her the wife of another +man, and going away and getting over it the best way I could. So you see +I must by nature be your sworn enemy, only it's of no use, for I've +fallen in love with you at first sight. So now, if you will ask me to +sit down, I will swear to let bygones be bygones, and be your true +knight and devoted servant as long as I live. How you do remind me of +your mother, only by Jove, you're twice as handsome." + +"Do pray sit down, Mr. Marley----" + +"Marvel, if you please," interrupted the major; "and I'm sure it's a +great marvel if not a great man I am, after what I've come through! But +don't you marvel at me too much, for I'm a very good sort of fellow when +you know me. And if you could let me have a glass of water, with a +little sherry just to take the taste off it, I should be greatly obliged +to you. I have had to walk farther for the sight of you than on such a +day as this I find altogether refreshing: it's as hot as the tropics, by +George! But I am well repaid--even without the sherry." + +As he spoke he was wiping his round head all over with a red silk +handkerchief. + +"I will get it at once, and let my mother know you are here," said +Hester, turning to the door. + +"No, no, never mind your mother; I daresay she is busy, or lying down. +She always went to lie down at this time of the day; she was never very +strong you know, though I don't doubt it was quite as much to get rid of +me. I shouldn't wonder if she thought me troublesome in those days. But +I bear no malice now, and I hope she doesn't either. Tell her I say so. +It's more than five and twenty years ago, though to me it don't seem +more than so many weeks. Don't disturb your mother, my dear. But if you +insist on doing so, tell her old Harry is come to see her--very much +improved since she turned him about his business." + +Hester told a servant to take the sherry and the water to the +drawing-room, and, much amused, ran to find her mother. "There's the +strangest gentleman down-stairs, mamma, calling himself old Harry. He's +having some sherry and water in the drawing-room! I never saw such an +odd man!" Her mother laughed--a pleased little laugh. "Go to him, Hester +dear, and say I shall be down directly." "Is he really a cousin, mamma?" +"To be sure--my second cousin! He was very fond of me once." "Oh, he +has told me all about that already. He says you sent him about his +business." "If that means that I wouldn't marry him, it is true enough. +But he doesn't know what I went through for always taking his part. I +always stood up for him, though I never could bear him near me. He was +such an odd, good-natured bear! such a rough sort of creature! always +saying the thing he ought not to, and making everybody, ladies +especially, uncomfortable! He never meant any harm, but never saw where +fun should stop. You wouldn't believe the vulgar things Harry would say +out of pure fun!--especially if he got hold of a very stiff old maid; he +would tease her till he got her in a passion. But if she began to cry, +then Harry had the worst of it, and was as penitent as any good child. I +daresay he's much improved by this time." "He told me to tell you he +was. But if he is much improved--well, what he must have been! I like +him though, mamma--I suppose because you liked him a little. So take +care you are not too hard upon him; I'm going to take him up now." + +"I make over my interest in him, and have no doubt he will be pleased +enough with the change, for a man can't enjoy finding an old woman where +he had all the time been imagining a young one. But I must warn you, +Hester, as he seems to have made a conquest of you already, that he has +in the meantime been married to a black--or at least a very brown Hindoo +woman." + +"That's nothing to his discredit with you, mamma, I hope. Has he brought +her home with him, I wonder." + +"She has been dead now for some ten years. I believe he had a large +fortune with her, which he has since by judicious management increased +considerably. He is really a good-hearted fellow, and was kind to every +one of his own relations as long as there was one left to be kind to." + +"Well, I shall go back to him, mamma, and tell him you are coming as +soon as you have got your wig and your newest lace-cap on, and your +cheeks rouged and pearl-powdered, to look as like the lady that would +none of him as you can." + +Her mother laughed merrily, and pretended to box her daughter's ears. It +was not often any mood like this rose between them; for not only were +they serious in heart, but from temperament, and history, and modes and +direction of thought, their ways were serious as well. Yet who may so +well break out in childlike merriment as those whose life has in it no +moth-eaten Mammon-pits, who have no fear, no greed, and live with a +will--rising like the sun to fill the day with the work given them to +do! + +"Look what I have brought you, cousin," said major Marvel, the moment +Hester re-entered the room, holding out to her a small necklace. "You +needn't mind taking them from an old fellow like me. It don't mean that +I want to marry you off-hand before I know what sort of a temper you've +got. Take them." + +Hester drew near, and looked at the necklace. + +"Take it," said the major again. + +"How strangely beautiful it is!--all red, pear-shaped, dull, +scratched-looking stones, hanging from a savage-looking gold chain! What +are they, Mr. Marvel?" + +"You have described it like a book!" he said. "It is a barbarous native +necklace--but they are fine rubies--only rough--neither cut nor +polished." + +"It is beautiful," repeated Hester. "Did you really mean it for me?" + +"Of course I did!" + +"I will ask mamma if I may keep it." + +"Where's the good of that? I hope you don't think I stole it? Though +faith there's a good deal that's like stealing goes on where that comes +from!--But here comes the mother!--Helen, I'm so glad to see you once +more!" + +Hester slipped away with the necklace in her hand, and left her mother +to welcome her old admirer before she would trouble her about the +offered gift. They met like trusting friends whom years had done nothing +to separate, and while they were yet talking of bygone times, Mr. +Raymount entered, received him cordially, and insisted on his remaining +with them as long as he could; they were old friends, although rivals, +and there never had been any ground for bitterness between them. The +major agreed; Mr. Raymount sent to the station for his luggage, and +showed him to a room. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + +THE MAJOR AND VAVASOR. + + +As major Marvel, for all the rebuffs he had met with, had not yet +learned to entertain the smallest doubt as to his personal +acceptability, so he was on his part most catholic in his receptivity. +But there were persons whom from the first glance he disliked, and then +his dislike was little short of loathing. I suspect they were such as +found the heel of his all but invulnerable vanity and wounded it. Not +accustomed to be hurt, it resented hurt when it came the more sorely. He +was in one sense, and that not a slight one, a true man: there was no +discrepancy, no unfittingness between his mental conditions and the +clothing in which those conditions presented themselves to others. His +words, looks, manners, tones, and everything that goes to express man to +man, expressed him. What he felt that he showed. I almost think he was +unaware of the possibility of doing otherwise. At the same time, he had +very little insight into the feelings of others, and almost no sense of +the possibility that the things he was saying might affect his listeners +otherwise than they affected him. If he boasted, he meant to boast, and +would scorn to look as if he did not know it was a good thing he was +telling of himself: why not of himself as well as of another? He had no +very ready sympathy with other people, especially in any suffering he +had never himself experienced, but he was scrupulously fair in what he +said or did in regard of them, and nothing was so ready to make him +angry as any appearance of injustice or show of deception. He would have +said that a man's first business was to take care of himself, as so many +think who have not the courage to say it; and so many more who do not +think it. But the Major's conduct went far to cast contempt upon his +selfish opinion. + +During dinner he took the greater part of the conversation upon himself, +and evidently expected to be listened to. But that was nearly all he +wanted. Let him talk, and hear you laugh when he was funny, and he was +satisfied. He seemed to have no inordinate desire for admiration or even +for approbation. He was fond of telling tales of adventure, some +wonderful, some absurd, some having nothing in them but his own +presence, and occasionally, while the detail was good the point for the +sake of which it had been introduced would be missing; but he was just +as willing to tell one, the joke of which turned against himself, as one +amusing at the expense of another. Like many of his day who had spent +their freshest years in India, he was full of the amusements and sports +with which so much otherwise idle time is passed by Englishmen in the +East, and seemed to think nothing connected with the habits of their +countrymen there could fail to interest those at home. Every now and +then throughout the dinner he would say, "Oh, that reminds me!" and then +he would tell something that happened when he was at such and such a +place, when So-and-So "of our regiment" was out tiger-shooting, or +pig-sticking, or whatever the sport might be; "and if Mr. Raymount will +take a glass of wine with me, I will tell him the story"--for he was +constantly drinking wine, after the old fashion, with this or that one +of the company. + +When he and Vavasor were introduced to each other, he glanced at him, +drew his eyebrows together, made his military bow, and included him +among the listeners to his tales of exploit and adventure by sea and +land. + +Vavasor was annoyed at his presence--not that he much minded a little +boring in such good company, or forgot that everything against another +man was so much in his own favor; but he could not help thinking, "What +would my aunt say to such a relative?" So while he retained the blandest +expression, and was ready to drink as many glasses of wine with the new +comer as he wished, he set him down in his own mind not only as an +ill-bred man and a boaster, in which there was some truth, but as a liar +and a vulgar-minded man as well, in which there was little or no truth. + +Now although major Marvel had not much ordinary insight into character, +the defect arose mainly from his not feeling a deep enough interest in +his neighbor; and if his suspicion or dislike was roused in respect of +one, he was just as likely as any other ever is to arrive at a correct +judgment concerning a man he does not love. + +He had been relating a thrilling adventure with a man-eating tiger. He +saw, as they listened, the eyes of little Mark and Saffy had almost +surpassed the use of eyes and become ears as well. He saw Hester also, +who was still child enough to prefer a story of adventure to a love-tale +fixed as if, but for the way it was bound over to sobriety, her hair +would have stood on end. But at one moment he caught also--surprised +indeed a certain expression on the face of Vavasor, which that +experienced man of the world never certainly intended to be so +surprised, only at the moment he was annoyed to see the absorption of +Hester's listening; she seemed to have eyes for no one but the man who +shot tigers as Vavasor would have shot grouse. + +The major, who upon fitting occasion and good cause, was quarrelsome as +any turkey-cock, swallowed something that was neither good, nor good for +food, and said, but not quite so carelessly as he had intended: + +"Ha, ha, I see by your eyes, Mr. Passover, you think I'm drawing the +long bow--drawing the arrow to the head, eh?" + +"No, 'pon my word!" said Vavasor earnestly, "nothing farther from +my thoughts. I was only admiring the coolness of the man who would +actually creep into the mouth of the--the--the jungle after +a--what-you-call-him--a man-eating tiger." + +"Well, you see, what was a fellow to do," returned the major +suspiciously. "The fellow wouldn't come out! and by Jove I wasn't the +only fellow that wanted him out! Besides I didn't creep in; I only +looked in to see whether he was really there. That I could tell by the +shining eyes of him." + +"But is not a man-eating tiger a something tremendous, you know? When he +once takes to that kind of diet, don't you know--they say he likes +nothing else half so well! Good beef and mutton will no longer serve his +turn, I've been told at the club. A man must be a very Munchausen to +venture it." + +"I don't know the gentleman--never heard of him," said the major: for +Vavasor had pronounced the name German-fashion, and none of the +listeners recognized that of the king of liars; "but you are quite +mistaken in the character of the man-eating tiger. It is true he does +not care for other food after once getting a passion for the more +delicate; but it does not follow that the indulgence increases either +his courage or his fierceness. The fact is it ruins his moral nature. He +does not get many Englishmen to eat; and it would seem as if the flesh +of women and children and poor cowardly natives, he devours, took its +revenge upon him by undermining and destroying his natural courage. The +fact is, he is well-known for a sneak. I sometimes can't help thinking +the ruffian knows he is a rebel against the law of his Maker, and a +traitor to his natural master. The man-eating tiger and the +rogue-elephant are the devils of their kind. The others leave you alone +except you attack them; then they show fight. These attack you--but +run--at least the tiger, not the elephant, when you go out after him. +From the top of your elephant you may catch sight of him sneaking off +with his tail tucked between his legs from cover to cover of the jungle, +while they are beating up his quarters to drive him out. You can never +get any sport out of him. _He_ will never fly at your elephant, or +climb a tree, or take to the water after you! If there's a creature on +earth I hate it's a coward!" concluded the major. + +Said Vavasor to himself, "The man is a coward!" + +"But _why_ should you hate a coward so?" asked Hester, feeling at +the moment, with the vision of a man-eating tiger before her, that she +must herself come under the category. "How can a poor creature made +without courage help being one? You can neither learn nor buy courage!" + +"I am not so sure about the learning. But such as you mean, I wouldn't +call cowards," returned the major. "Nobody thinks worse of the hare, or +even the fox, for going away before the hounds. Men whose business it is +to fight go away before the enemy when they have not a chance, and when +it would do no good to stand and be cut down. To let yourself be killed +when you ought not is to give up fighting. There is a time to run and a +time to stand. But the man will run like a man and the coward like a +coward." + +Said Vavasor to himself, "I'll be bound you know when to run at least!" + +"What can harmless creatures do but run," resumed the major, filling his +glass with old port. "But when the wretch that has done all the hurt he +could will not show fight for it, but turns tail the moment danger +appears, I call him a contemptible coward. Man or beast I would set my +foot on him. That's what made me go into the hole to look after the +brute." + +"But he might have killed you, though he was a coward," said Hester, +"when you did not leave him room to run." + +"Of course he might, my dear! Where else would be the fun of it? Without +that the thing would be no better than this shooting of pigeons and +pheasants by men who would drop their guns if a cock were to fly in +their faces. You _had_ to kill him, you know! He's first cousin--the +man-eating, or rather woman-eating tiger, to a sort that I understand +abounds in the Zoological Gardens called English society; if the woman +be poor, he devours her at once; if she be rich he marries her, and eats +her slowly up at his ease in his den." + +"How with the black wife!" thought Mr. Raymount, who had been little +more than listening. + +But Mr. Raymount did not really know anything about that part of his old +friend's history; it was hardly to his discredit. The black wife, as he +called her, was the daughter of an English merchant by a Hindoo wife, a +young creature when he first made her acquaintance, unaware of her own +power, and kept almost in slavery by the relatives of her deceased +father, who had left her all his property. Major Marvel made her +acquaintance and became interested in her through a devilish attempt to +lay the death of her father to her door. I believe the shine of her gold +had actually blinded her relatives into imagining, I can hardly say +_believing_ her guilty. The major had taken her part and been of +the greatest service to her. She was entirely acquitted. But although +nobody believed her in the smallest degree guilty, _society_ looked +askance upon her. True, she was rich, but was she not black? and had she +not been accused of a crime? And who saw her father and mother married? +Then said the major to himself--"Here am I a useless old fellow, living +for nobody but myself! It would make one life at least happier if I took +the poor thing home with me. She's rather too old, and I'm rather too +young to adopt her; but I daresay she would marry me. She has a trifle I +believe that would eke out my pay, and help us to live decently!" He did +not know then that she had more than a very moderate income, but it +turned out to be a very large fortune indeed when he came to inquire +into things. That the major rejoiced over his fortune, I do not doubt; +but that he would have been other than an honorable husband had he found +she had nothing, I entirely disbelieve. When she left him the widowed +father of a little girl, he mourned sincerely for her. When the child +followed her mother, he was for some time a sad man indeed. Then, as if +her money was all he had left of her, and he must lead what was left of +his life in its company, he went heartily into speculation with it, and +at least doubled the fortune she brought him. He had now returned to his +country to find almost every one of his old friends dead, or so changed +as to make them all but dead to him. Little as any one would have +imagined it from his conversation or manner, it was with a kind of +heart-despair that he sought the cousin he had loved. And scarcely had +he more than seen the daughter of his old love than, in the absence of +almost all other personal interest, he was immediately taken possession +of by her--saw at once that she was a grand sort of creature, gracious +as grand, and different from anything he had even seen before. At the +same time he unconsciously began to claim a property in her; to have +loved the mother seemed to give him a right in the daughter, and that +right there might be a way of making good. But all this was as yet only +in the region of the feeling, not at all in that of the thinking. + +In proportion as he was taken with the daughter of the house, he +disliked the look of the fine gentleman visitor that seemed to be +dangling after her. Who he was, or in what capacity there, he did not +know, but almost from the first sight profoundly disliked him, and the +more as he saw more sign of his admiration of Hester. He might be a +woman-eater, and after her money--if she had any: such suspects must be +watched and followed, and their haunts marked. + +"But," said Hester, fearing the conversation might here take a dangerous +turn, "I should like to understand the thing a little better. I am not +willing to set myself down as a coward; I do not see that a woman has +any right to be a coward any more than a man. Tell me, major +Marvel--when you know that a beast may have you down, and begin eating +you any moment, what is it that keeps you up? What have you to fall back +upon? Is it principle, or faith, or what is it?" + +"Ho, ho!" said the Major, laughing, "a meta-physician in the very bosom +of my family!--I had not reckoned upon that!--Well, no, my dear, I +cannot exactly say that it is principle, and I am sure it is not faith. +You don't think about it at all. It's partly your elephant, and partly +your rifle--and partly perhaps--well, there I daresay comes in something +of principle!--that as an Englishman you are sent to that benighted +quarter of the world to kill their big vermin for them, poor things! But +no, you don't think of that at the time. You've got to kill him--that's +it. And then when he comes roaring on, your rifle jumps to your shoulder +of itself." + +"Do you make up your mind beforehand that if the animal should kill you, +it is all right?" asked Hester. + +"By no means, I give you my word of honor," answered the major, +laughing. + +"Well now," answered Hester, "except I had made up my mind that if I was +killed it was all right, I couldn't meet the tiger." + +"But you see, my dear," said the major, "you do not know what it is to +have confidence in your eye and your rifle. It is a form of power that +you soon come to feel as resting in yourself--a power to destroy the +thing that opposes you!" + +Hester fell a-thinking, and the talk went on without her. She never +heard the end of the story, but was roused by the laughter that followed +it. + +"It was no tiger at all--that was the joke of the thing," said the +major. "There was a roar of laughter when the brute--a great lumbering +floundering hyena, rushed into the daylight. But the barrel of my rifle +was bitten together as a schoolboy does a pen--a quill-pen, I mean. They +have horribly powerful jaws, those hyenas." + +"And what became of the man-eater?" asked Mark, with a disappointed +look. + +"Stopped in the hole till it was safe to come out and go on with his +delicate meals." + +"Just imagine that horrible growl behind you, as if it came out of a +whole mine of teeth inside!" + +"By George! for a young lady," said the major, "you have an imagination! +Too much of that, you know, won't go to make you a good hunter of +tigers!" + +"Then you owe your coolness to want of imagination?" suggested Hester. + +"Perhaps so. Perhaps, after all," returned the major, with a merry +twinkle in his eye, "we hunters are but a set of stupid fellows--too +stupid to be reasonably frightened!" + +"I don't mean that exactly. I think that perhaps you do not know so well +as you might where your courage comes from. For my part I would rather +be courageous to help the good than to destroy the bad." + +"Ah, but we're not all good enough ourselves for that," said the major, +with a serious expression, and looking at her full out of his clear +eyes, from which their habitual twinkle of fun had for the moment +vanished. "Some of us are only fit to destroy what is yet worse than +ourselves." + +"To be sure we can't _make_ anything," said Hester thoughtfully, +"but we can help God to make. To destroy evil things is good, but the +worst things can only be destroyed by being good, and that is so hard!" + +"It _is_ hard," said the major--"so hard that most people never try +it!" he added with a sigh, and a gulp of his wine. + +Mrs. Raymount rose, and with Hester and the children withdrew. After +they were gone the major rattled on again, his host putting in a word +now and then, and Vavasor sat silent, with an expression that seemed to +say, "I am amused, but I don't eat all that is put on my plate." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + +A BRAVE ACT. + + +The major had indeed taken a strong fancy to Hester, and during the +whole of his visit kept as near her as he could, much to the annoyance +of Vavasor. Doubtless it was in part to keep the other from her that he +himself sought her: the major did not take to Vavasor. There was a +natural repulsion between them. Vavasor thought the major a most +objectionable, indeed low fellow, full of brag and vulgarity, and the +major thought Vavasor a supercilious idiot. It is curious how +differently a man's character will be read by two people in the same +company, but it is not hard to explain, seeing his carriage to the +individual affects only the man who is the object of it, and is seldom +observed by the other; like a man, and you will judge him with more or +less fairness; dislike him, fairly or unfairly, and you cannot fail to +judge him unjustly. All deference and humility towards Hester and her +parents, Vavasor without ceasing for a moment to be conventionally +polite, allowed major Marvel to see unmistakably that his society was +not welcome to the man who sat opposite him. Entirely ignorant each of +the other's pursuits, and nearly incapable of sympathy upon any point, +each would have gladly shown the other to be the fool he counted him. +Only the major, being the truer man, was able to judge the man of the +world with a better gauge than he could apply in return. Each watched +the other--the major annoyed with the other's silent pretension, and +disgusted with his ignorance of everything in which he took an interest, +and Vavasor regarding the major as a narrow-minded overgrown +school-boy--though, in fact, his horizon was very much wider than his +own--and disgusted with the vulgarity which made even those who knew his +worth a little anxious every time he opened his mouth. He did not offend +very often, but one never knew when he might not. The offence never +hurt, only rendered the sensitive, and others for their sakes, +uncomfortable. + +After breakfast the next day, they all but Mr. Raymount went out for a +little walk together. + +It seemed destined to be a morning of small adventures. As they passed +the gate of the Home Farm, out rushed, all of a sudden, a half-grown pig +right between the well-parted legs of the major, with the awkward +consequence that he was thrown backwards, and fell into a place which, +if he had had any choice, he certainly would not have chosen for the +purpose. A look of keen gratification rose in Vavasor's face, but was +immediately remanded; he was much too well-bred to allow it to remain. +With stony countenance he proceeded to offer assistance to the fallen +hero, who, however, heavy as he was, did not require it, but got +cleverly on his feet again with a cheerfulness which discomfited +discomfiture, and showed either a sweetness or a command of temper which +gave him a great lift in the estimation of Hester. + +"Confound the brute!" he said, laughing. "He can't know how many of his +wild relatives I have stuck, else I should set it down to revenge. What +a mess he has made of me! I shall have to throw myself in the river, +like a Hindoo, for purification. It's a good thing I've got some more +clothes in my portmanteau." + +Saffy laughed right merrily over his fall and the fun he made of it; but +Mark looked concerned. He ran and pulled some grass and proceeded to rub +the Major down. + +"Let us go into the farmhouse," said Mrs. Raymount. "Mrs. Stokes will +give us some assistance." + +"No, no," returned the major. "Better let the mud dry, it will come off +much better then. A hyena once served me the same. I didn't mind that, +though all the fellows cracked their waistbands laughing at me. Why +shouldn't piggy have his fun as well as another--eh, Mark? Come along. +You sha'n't have your walk spoiled by my heedllessness." + +"The pig didn't mean it, sir," said Mark. "He only wanted to get out." + +But there seemed to be more creatures about the place that wanted to get +out. A spirit of liberty was abroad. Mark and Saffy went rushing away +like wild rabbits every now and then, making a round and returning, +children once more. It was one of those cooler of warm mornings that +rouse all the life in heart, brain and nerves, making every breath a +pleasure, and every movement a consciousness. + +They had not gone much farther, when, just as they approached the paling +of a paddock, a horse which had been turned in to graze, came blundering +over the fence, and would presently have been ranging the world. +Unaccustomed to horses, except when equipped and held ready by the hand +of a groom, the ladies and children started and drew back. Vavasor also +stepped a little aside, making way for the animal to follow his own +will. But as he lighted from his jump, carrying with him the top bar of +the fence, he stumbled, and almost fell, and while yet a little +bewildered, the major went up to him, and ere he could recover such wits +as by nature belonged to him, had him by nose and ear, and leading him +to the gap, made him jump in again, and replaced the bar he had knocked +away. + +"Mind we don't forget to mention it as we go back," he said to Mark. + +"Thank you! How brave of you, major Marvel!" said Mrs. Raymount. + +The Major laughed with his usual merriment. + +"If it had been the horse of the Rajah of Rumtool," he said, "I should +have been brave indeed only by this time there would have been nothing +left of me to thank. A man would have needed courage to take him by the +head! But a quiet good-tempered carriage-horse--none but a cockney would +be frightened at him!" + +With that he began and to the awful delight of the children, told them +the most amazing and indeed horrible tales about the said horse. Whether +it was all true or not I cannot tell; all I can say is that the major +only told what he had heard and believed, or had himself seen. + +Vavasor, annoyed at the involuntary and natural enough nervousness he +had shown, for it was nothing more, turned his annoyance on the Major, +who by such an insignificant display of coolness, had gained so great an +advantage over him in the eyes of the ladies, and made up his opinion +that in every word he said about the horse of the Rajah of Rumtool he +was romancing--and that although there had been no slightest pretence to +personal prowess in the narrative. Our judgment is always too much at +the mercy of our likes and dislikes. He did indeed mention himself, but +only to say that once in the street of a village he saw the horse at +some distance with a child in his teeth shaking him like a terrier with +a rat. He ran, he said, but was too far off. Ere he was half-way, the +horse's groom, who was the only man with any power over the brute, had +come up and secured him--though too late to save the child. + +They were following the course of the river, and had gradually descended +from the higher grounds to the immediate banks, which here spread out +into a small meadow on each side. There were not now many flowers, but +Saffy was pulling stalks of feathery-headed grasses, while Mark was +walking quietly along by the brink of the stream, stopping every now and +then to look into it. The bank was covered with long grass hanging over, +here and there a bush of rushes amongst it, and in parts was a little +undermined. On the opposite side lower down was a meal-mill, and nearly +opposite, a little below, was the head of the mill-lade, whose weir, +turning the water into it, clammed back the river, and made it deeper +here than in any other part--some seven feet at least, and that close to +the shore. It was still as a lake, and looked, as deep as it was. The +spot was not a great way from the house, but beyond its grounds. The two +ladies and two gentlemen were walking along the meadow, some distance +behind the children, and a little way from the bank, when they were +startled by a scream of agony from Saffy. She was running towards +them-shrieking, and no Mark was to be seen. All started at speed to meet +her, but presently Mrs. Raymount sank on the grass. Hester would have +stayed with her, but she motioned her on. + +Vavasor outran the major, and reached Saffy first, but to his anxious +questions--"Where is he? Where did you leave him? Where did you see him +last?" she answered only by shrieking with every particle of available +breath. When the major came up, he heard enough to know that he must use +his wits and lose no time in trying to draw information from a creature +whom terror had made for the moment insane. He kept close to the bank, +looking for some sign of the spot where he had fallen in. + +He had indeed overrun the place, and was still intent on the bank when +he heard a cry behind him. It was the voice of Hester, screaming +"Across; Across!" + +He looked across, and saw half-way over, slowly drifting towards the +mill-lade, a something dark, now appearing for a little above the water, +now sinking out of sight. The major's eye, experienced in every point of +contact between man and nature, saw at once it must be the body, dead or +alive--only he could hardly be dead yet--of poor Mark. He threw off his +coat, and plunged in, found the water deep enough for good swimming, and +made in the direction of the object he had seen. But it showed so little +and so seldom, that fearing to miss it, he changed his plan, and made +straight for the mouth of the mill-lade, anxious of all things to +prevent him from getting down to the water-wheel. + +In the meantime, Hester, followed by Vavasor, while Saffy ran to her +mother, sped along the bank till she came to the weir, over which hardly +any water was running. When Vavasor saw her turn sharp round and make +for the weir, he would have prevented her, and laid his hand on her arm; +but she turned on him with eyes that flashed, and lips which, +notwithstanding her speed, were white as with the wrath that has no +breath for words. He drew back and dared only follow. The footing was +uncertain, with deep water on one side up to a level with the stones, +and a steep descent to more deep water on the other. In one or two spots +the water ran over, and those spots were slippery. But, rendered +absolutely fearless by her terrible fear, Hester flew across without a +slip, leaving Vavasor some little way behind, for he was neither very +sure-footed nor very sure-headed. + +But when they had run along the weir and landed, they were only on the +slip between the lade and the river: the lade was between them and the +other side--deep water therefore between them and the major, where +already he was trying to heave the unconscious form of Mark on to the +bank. The poor man had not swum so far for many years, and was nearly +spent. + +"Bring him here," cried Vavasor. "The stream is too strong for me to get +to you. It will bring you in a moment." + +The major muttered an oath, gave a great heave, got the body half on the +shore, and was then just able to scramble out himself. + +When Vavasor looked round, he saw Hester had left him, and was already +almost at the mill. There she crossed the lade and turning ran up the +other side, and was soon at the spot where the major was doing all he +could to bring back life. But there was little hope out there in the +cold. Hester caught the child up in her arms. + +"Come; come!" she cried, and ran with him back to the mill. The major +followed, running, panting, dripping. When they met Vavasor, he would +have taken him from her, but she would not give him up. + +"Go back to my mother," she said. "Tell her we have got him, and he is +at the mill. Then go and tell my father, and ask him to send for the +doctor." + +Vavasor obeyed, feeling again a little small. But Hester had never +thought that he might have acted at all differently; she never recalled +even that he had tried to prevent her from crossing to the major's help. +She thought only of Mark and her mother. + +In a few minutes they had him in the miller's blankets, with hot water +about him, while the major, who knew well what ought to be done, for he +had been tried in almost every emergency under the sun, went through the +various movements of the arms prescribed; inflated the chest again and +again with his own breath, and did all he could to bring back the action +of the breathing muscles. + +Vavasor took upon him to assure Mrs. Raymount that Mark was safe and +would be all right in a little while. She rose then, and with what help +Saffy could give her, managed to walk home. But after that day she never +was so well again. Vavasor ran on to the house. Mr. Raymount crossed the +river by the bridge, and was soon on the spot--just as the first signs +of returning animation appeared. His strength and coolness were a great +comfort both to Hester and the major. The latter was the more anxious +that he knew the danger of such a shock to a delicate child. After about +half-an-hour, the boy opened his eyes, looked at his father, smiled in +his own heavenly way, and closed them again with a deep sigh. They +covered him up warm, and left him to sleep till the doctor should +appear. + +That same night, as Hester was sitting beside him, she heard him talking +in his sleep: + +"When may I go and play with the rest by the river? Oh, how sweetly it +talks! it runs all through me and through me! It was such a nice way, +God, of fetching me home! I rode home on a water-horse!" + +He thought he was dead; that God had sent for him home; that he was now +safe, only tired. It sent a pang to the heart of Hester. What if after +all he was going to leave them! For the child had always seemed fitter +for. Home than being thus abroad, and any day he might be sent for! + +He recovered by degrees, but seemed very sleepy and tired; and when, two +days after, he was taken home he only begged to go to bed. But he never +fretted or complained, received every attention with a smile, and told +his mother not to mind, for he was not going away yet. He had been told +that under the water, he said. + +Before winter, he was able to go about the house, and was reading all +his favourite books over again, especially the Pilgrim's Progress, which +he had already read through five times. + +The major left Yrndale the next morning, saying now there was Mark to +attend to, his room was better than his company. Vavasor would stay a +day or two longer, he said, much relieved. He could not go until he saw +Mark fairly started on the way of recovery. + +But in reality the major went because he could no longer endure the +sight of "that idiot," as he called Vavasor, and with design against him +fermenting in his heart. + +"The poltroon!" he said. "A fellow like that to marry a girl like cousin +Helen's girl! A grand creature, by George! The grandest creature I ever +saw in my life! Why, rather than wet his clothes the sneak would have +let us both drown after I had got him to the bank! Calling to me to go +to him, when I had done my best, and was at the last gasp!" + +He was not fair to Vavasor; he never asked if he could swim. But indeed +Vavasor could swim, well enough, only he did not see the necessity for +it. He did not love his neighbor enough to grasp the facts of the case. +And after all he could and did do without him! + +The major hurried to London, assured he had but to inquire to find out +enough and more than enough to his discredit, of the fellow. + +He told them to tell Mark he was gone to fetch tiger-skins and a little +idol with diamond eyes, and a lot of queer things that he had brought +home; and he would tell him all about them, and let him have any of them +he liked to keep for his own, as soon as he was well again. So he must +make haste, for the moth would get at them if they were long lying about +and not seen to. + +He told Mr. Raymount that he had no end of business to look after; but +now he knew the way to Yrndale, he might be back any day. As soon as +Mark was well enough to be handed over to a male nurse he would come +directly. He told Mrs. Raymount that he had got some pearls for her--he +knew she was fond of pearls--and was going to fetch them. + +For Hester he made her promise to write to him at the Army and Navy Club +every day till Mark was well. And so he departed, much blessed of all +the family for saving the life of their precious boy. + +The major when he reached London hunted up some of his old friends, and +through them sent out inquiry concerning Vavasor. He learned then some +few things about him--nothing very bad as things went where everything +was more or less bad, and nothing to his special credit. That he was +heir to an earldom he liked least of all, for he was only the more +likely to marry his beautiful cousin, and her he thought a great deal +too good for him--which was truer than he knew. + +Vavasor was relieved to find that Hester, while full of gratitude to the +major, had no unfavourable impression concerning his own behaviour in +the sad affair. As the days went on, however, and when he expected +enthusiasm to have been toned down, he was annoyed to find that she was +just as little impressed with the objectionable character of the man who +by his unselfish decision, he called it his good luck, had got the start +of him in rendering the family service. To himself he styled him "a +beastly fellow, a lying braggart, a disgustingly vulgar ill-bred +rascal." He would have called him an army-cad, only the word _cad_ +was not then invented. If there were any more such relations likely to +turn up, the sooner he cut the connection the better! But that Hester +should not be shocked with him was almost more than he could bear; that +was shocking indeed! + +He could not understand that as to the pure all things are pure, so the +common mind sees far more vulgarity in others than the mind developed in +genuine refinement. It understands, therefore forgives, nor finds it +hard. Hester was able to look deeper than he, and she saw much that was +good and honourable in the man, however he might have the bridle of his +tongue too loose for safe riding in the crowded paths of society. +Vavasor took care, however, after hearing the first words of defence +which some remark of his brought from Hester, not to go farther, and +turned the thing he had said aside. Where was the use of quarrelling +about a man he was never likely to set eyes on again? + +A day or two before the natural end of his visit, as Mrs. Raymount, +Hester and he were sitting together in the old-fashioned garden, the +letters were brought them--one for Vavasor, with a great black seal. He +read it through, and said quietly: + +"I am sorry I must leave you to-morrow. Or is there not a train +to-night? But I dare say it does not matter, only I ought to be present +at the funeral of my uncle, Lord Gartley. He died yesterday, from what I +can make out. It is a tiresome thing to succeed to a title with hardly +property enough to pay the servants!" + +"Very tiresome," assented Mrs. Raymount; "but a title is not like an +illness. If you can live without, you can live with one." + +"True; very true! But society, you see. There's so much expected of a +man in my position! What do you think, Miss Raymount?" he asked, turning +towards her with a look that seemed to say whatever she thought would +always be law to him. + +"I think with mamma," replied Hester. "I do not see why a mere name +should have any power to alter one's mode of life. Of course if the +change brings new duties, they must be attended to; but if the property +be so small as you say, it cannot want much looking after. To be sure +there are the people upon it, but they cannot be many. Why should you +not go on as you are?" + +"I must go a good deal by what my aunt thinks best. She has a sort of +right, you see. All her life her one fixed idea, knowing I was likely to +succeed, has been the rehabilitation of the earldom, and all her life +she has been saving for that." + +"Then she is going to make you her heir?" said Hester, who, having been +asked her opinion, simply desired the grounds on which to give it. + +"My dear Hester!" said her mother. + +"I am only too much delighted Miss Raymount should care to ask me +_any_thing," said Vavasor. "My aunt does mean to make me her heir, +I believe, but one must not depend upon that, because, if I were to +displease her, she might change her mind any moment. But she has been +like a mother to me, and I do not think, for any small provocation such +as I am likely to give her, she would yield the dream of her life. She +is a kind-hearted woman, though a little peculiar; true as steel where +she takes a fancy. I wish you knew my aunt, Mrs. Raymount." + +"I should be much pleased to know her." + +"She would be delighted with this lovely place of yours. It is a perfect +paradise. I feel its loveliness the more that I am so soon to hear its +gates close behind me. Happily there is no flaming sword to mount guard +against the expelled!" + +"You must bring your aunt some time, Mr. Vavasor. We should make her +very welcome," said Mrs. Raymount. + +"Unfortunately, with all her good qualities, my aunt, as I have said, is +a little peculiar. For one thing she shrinks from making new +acquaintances." + +He should have said--any acquaintances out of her own world. All others, +so far as she was concerned, existed only on the sufferance of +remoteness. + +But by this time Vavasor had resolved to make an attempt to gain his +aunt, and so Hester. He felt sure his aunt could not fail to be taken +with Hester if only she saw her in fit surroundings: with her the frame +was more than half the picture. He was glad now that she had not +consented to call on the family in Addison Square: they would be of so +much more importance in her eyes in the setting of Yrndale. He had +himself also the advantage of being now of greater importance, the title +being no longer in prospect but in possession: he was that Earl of +Gartley for whom she had been saving all the time he was merely the +heir, who might die, or be kept waiting twenty years for the succession. +She must either be of one mind with him now, or lose the cherished +purpose of so many years. If he stood out, seeming to prefer poverty and +the woman of his choice, she would be compelled to give in. + +That same evening he left them in high spirits, and without any pretence +of decent regret for the death of one whom he had never seen, and who +had for many years lived the life of an invalid and a poor man--neither +of much account in his world. + +He left behind him one child--a lovely but delicate girl, of whom no one +seemed to think in the change that had arrived. + +It would be untrue to say that Hester was not interested in the news. +They had been so much thrown together of late, and in circumstances so +favourable to intimacy, to the manifestation of what of lovable was in +him, and to the revelation of how much her image possessed him, that she +could hardly have been a woman at all and not care for what might befall +him. Neither, although her life lay, and she felt that it lay, in far +other regions, was she so much more than her mother absorbed in the +best, as to be indifferent to the pleasure of wearing a distinguished +historical name, or of occupying an exalted position in the eyes of the +world. Her nature was not yet so thoroughly possessed with the things +that _are_ as distinguished from the things that only appear, as +not to feel some pleasure in being a countess of this world, while +waiting the inheritance of the saints in light. Of course this was just +as far unworthy of her as it is unworthy of any one who has seen the hid +treasure not to have sold all that he has to buy it--not to have +counted, with Paul, everything but dross to the winning of Christ--not +even worth being picked up on the way as he presses towards the mark of +the high calling; but I must say this for her, that she thought of it +first of all as a buttressing help to the labours, which, come what +might, it remained her chief hope to follow again among her poor friends +in London. To be a countess would make many things easier for her, she +thought. Little she knew how immeasurably more difficult it would make +it to do anything whatever worth doing!--that, at the very first, she +would have to fight for freedom--her own--with hidden crafts of slavery, +especially mighty in a region more than any other under the influences +of the prince of the power of the air! She had the foolish notion that, +thus uplifted among the shows of rule, she would be able with more than +mere personal help to affect the load of injustice laid upon them from +without, and pressing them earthwards. She had learned but not yet +sufficiently learned that, until a man has begun to throw off the +weights that hold him down, it is a wrong done him to attempt to lighten +those weights. Why seek a better situation for the man whose increase of +wages will only go into the pocket of the brewer or distiller? While the +tree is evil, its fruit will be evil. + +So again the days passed quietly on. Mark grew a little better. Hester +wrote regularly, but the briefest bulletins, to the major, seldom +receiving an acknowledgment. The new earl wrote that he had been to the +funeral, and described in a would-be humorous way the house and lands to +which he had fallen heir. The house might, he said, with unlimited +money, be made fit to live in, but what was left of the estate was +literally a mere savage mountain. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + +IN ANOTHER LIGHT. + + +Mr. Raymount went now and then to London, but never stayed long. In the +autumn he had his books removed to Yrndale, saying in London he could +always get what books he wanted, but must have his own about him in the +country. When they were accommodated and arranged to his mind, all on +the same floor, and partly in the same room with the old library of the +house, he began, for the first time in his life, to feel he had an +abiding place and talked of selling the house in Addison Square. It +would have been greater progress to feel that there is no abiding in +place or among things. + +In the month of October, when the forsaken spider-webs were filled no +more with flies, but in the morning now with the dew-drops, now with +hoarfrost, and the fine stimulus and gentle challenge of the cold roused +the vital spirit in every fibre to meet it; when the sun shone a little +sadly, and the wraith of the coming winter might be felt hovering in the +air, major Marvel again made his appearance at Yrndale, but not quite +the man he was; he had a troubled manner, and an expression on his face +such as Mrs. Raymount had never before seen there: it was the look of +one who had an unpleasant duty to discharge--a thing to do he would +rather not do, but which it would cost him far more to leave undone. He +had brought the things he promised, every one, and at sight of them Mark +had brightened up amazingly. At table he tried to be merry as before, +but failed rather conspicuously, drank more wine than was his custom, +and laid the blame on the climate. His chamber was over that of his host +and hostess, and they heard him walking about for hours in the night. +There was something on his mind that would not let him sleep! In the +morning he appeared at the usual hour, but showed plain marks of a +sleepless night. When condoled with he answered he must seek a warmer +climate, for if it was like this already, what would it be in January? + +It was in reality a perfect autumn morning, of which every one except +the major felt the enlivening influence--the morning of all mornings for +a walk! Just as Hester was leaving the room to get ready to go with +Saffy--Mark was not able for a long walk--the major rose, and overtaking +her in the anteroom, humbly whispered the request that she would walk +with him alone, as he much wished a private conversation with her. +Hester, though with a little surprise, also a little undefined anxiety, +at once consented, but ran first to her mother. + +"What can he want to talk to me about, mamma?" she concluded. + +"How can I tell, my dear?" answered her mother with a smile. "Perhaps +he will dare the daughter's refusal too." + +"Oh, mamma! how can you joke about such a thing!" + +"I am not quite joking, my child. There is no knowing what altogether +unsuitable things men will do!--Who can blame them when they see how +women consent to many unsuitable things!" + +"But, mamma, he is old enough to be my father!" + +"Of course he is! Poor man! it would be a hard fate to have fallen in +love with both mother and daughter in vain!" + +"I won't go with him, mamma!" + +"You had better go, my dear. You need not be much afraid. He is really a +gentleman, however easily mistaken for something else. You must not +forget how much we owe him for Mark!" + +"Do you mean, mamma," said Hester, with a strange look out of her eyes, +"that I ought to marry him if he asks me?" Hester was sometimes oddly +stupid for a moment as to the intent of those she knew best. + +Her mother laughed heartily. + +"What a goose you are, my darling! Don't you know your mother from a +miscreant yet?" + +But in truth her mother so rarely jested that there was some excuse for +her. Relieved from the passing pang of a sudden dread, Hester went +without more words and put on her bonnet to go with the cause of it. She +did not like the things at all, for no one could be certain what absurd +thing he might not do. + +They set out together, but until they were some distance from the house +walked in absolute silence, which seemed to Hester to bode no good. But +how changed the poor man was, she thought. It would be pitiful to have +to make him still more miserable! Steadily the major marched along, his +stick under his arm like a sword, and his eyes looking straight before +him. + +"Cousin Hester," he said at length, "I am about to talk to you very +strangely--to conduct myself indeed in a very peculiar manner. Can you +imagine a man rendering himself intensely, unpardonably disagreeable, +from the very best of motives?" + +It was a speech very different from any to be expected of him. That he +should behave oddly seemed natural--not that he should knowingly intend +to do so! + +"I think I could," answered Hester, wishing neither to lead him on nor +to deter him: whatever he had to say, the sooner it was said the better! + +"Tell me," he said suddenly after a pause just beginning to be +awkward--then paused again. "--Let me ask you first," he resumed, +"whether you are able to trust me a little. I am old enough to be your +father--let me say your grandfather;--fancy I am your grandfather: in my +soul I believe neither could wish you well more truly than myself. Tell +me--trust me and tell me: what is there between you and Mr. Vavasor?" + +Hester was silent. The silence would have lasted but a moment had Hester +to ask herself, not what answer she should give to his question, but +what answer there was to give to it. Whether bound, whether pleased to +answer it or not, might have come presently, but it did not; every +question has its answer, known or unknown: what was the answer to this +one? Before she knew it, the major resumed. + +"I know," he said, "ladies think such things are not to be talked about +with gentlemen; but there are exceptions to every rule: David ate the +show-bread because there was a good reason for breaking a good +rule.--Are you engaged to Mr. Vavasor?" + +"No," answered Hester promptly. + +"What is it then? Are you going to be?" + +"If I answered that in the affirmative," said Hester, "would it not be +much the same as acknowledging myself already engaged?" + +"No! no!" cried the major vehemently. "So long as your word is not +passed you remain free. The two are as far asunder as the pole from the +equator. I thank God you are not engaged to him!" + +"But why?" asked Hester, with a pang of something like dread. "Why +should you be so anxious about it?" + +"Has he never said he loved you?" asked the major eagerly. + +"No," said Hester hurriedly. She felt instinctively it was best to +answer directly where there was no reason for silence. What he might be +wrong to ask she was not therefore wrong to answer. But her _No_ +trembled a little, for the doubt came with it, whether though literally, +it was strictly true. "We are friends," she added. "We trust each other +a good deal." + +"Trust him with nothing, least of all your heart, my dear," said the +major earnestly. "Or if you must trust him, trust him with anything, +with everything, except that. He is not worthy of you." + +"Do you say so to flatter me or to disparage him?" + +"Entirely to disparage him. I never flatter." + +"You did not surely bring me out, major Marvel, to hear evil of one of +my best friends?" said Hester, now angry. + +"I certainly did--if the truth be evil--but only for your sake. The man +I do not feel interest enough in to abuse even. He is a nobody." + +"That only proves you do not know him: you would not speak so if you +did," said Hester, widening the space between her and the major, and +ready to choke with what in utterance took such gentle form. + +"I am confident I should have worse to say if I knew him better. It is +you who do not know him. It astonishes me that sensible people like your +father and mother should let a fellow like that come prowling after +you!" + +"Major Marvel, if you are going to abuse my father and mother as well as +lord Gartley,--" cried Hester, but he interrupted her. + +"Ah, there it is!" exclaimed he bitterly. "Lord Gartley!--I have no +business to interfere--no more than your gardener or coachman! but to +think of an angel like you in the arms of a----" + +"Major Marvel!" + +--"I beg ten thousand pardons, cousin Hester! but I am so damnably in +earnest I can't pick and choose my phrases. Believe me the man is not +worthy of you." + +"What have you got against him?--I do hate backbiting! As his friend I +ask you what you have against him." + +"That's the pity of it! I can't tell you anything very bad of him. But a +man of whom no one has anything good to say--one of whom never a warm +word is uttered--" + +"I have called him my friend!" said Hester. + +"That's the worst of it! If it were not for that he might go to the +devil for me!--I daresay you think it a fine thing he should have stuck +to business so long! + +"He was put to that before there was much chance of his succeeding; his +aunt would not have him on her hands consuming the money she meant for +the earldom. His elder brother would have had it, but he killed himself +before it fell due: there are things that must not be spoken of to young +ladies. I don't say your _friend_ has disgraced himself; he has +not: by George, it takes a good deal for that in his set! But not a soul +out of his own family cares two-pence for him." + +"There are some who are better liked everywhere than at home, and +they're not the better sort," said Hester. "That goes for less than +nothing. I know the part of him chance acquaintances cannot know. He +does not bear his heart on his sleeve. I assure you, major Marvel, he is +a man of uncommon gifts and--" + +"Great attractions, no doubt--to me invisible," blurted the major. + +Hester turned from him. + +"I am going home," she said. "--Luncheon is at the usual hour." + +"Just one word," cried he, hurrying after her. "I swear by the living +God I have no purpose or hope in interfering but to save you from a +miserable future. Promise me not to marry this man, and I will settle on +you a thousand a year--safe. You shall have the principal down if you +prefer." + +Hester walked the faster. + +"Hear me," he went on, in an agony of entreaty mingled with something +like anger. + +"I mean it," he continued. "Why should I not for Helen's child!" + +He was a yard or two behind her. She turned on him with a glance of +contempt. But the tears were in his eyes, and her heart smote her. He +had abused her friend, but was plainly honest himself. Her countenance +changed as she looked at him. He came up to her. She laid her hand on +his arm, and said-- + +"Dear major Marvel, I will speak to you without anger. What would you +think of one who took money to do the thing she ought to do? I will not +ask you what you would think of one who took money to do the thing she +ought not to do! I would not _promise_ not to marry a beggar from +the street. It _might_ be disgraceful to marry the beggar; it +_must_ be disgraceful to promise not!" + +"Yes, yes, my dear! you are quite right--absolutely right," said the +major humbly. "I only wanted to make you independent. You don't think +half enough of yourself.--But I will dare one more question before I +give you up; is he going to ask you to marry him?" + +"Perhaps. I do not know." + +"One more question yet: can you secure any liberty? Will your father +settle anything upon you?" + +"I don't know. I have never thought about anything of the kind." + +"How could they let you go about with him so much and never ask him what +he meant by it?" + +"They could easier have asked me what I meant by it!" + +"If I had such a jewel I would look after it!" + +"Have me shut up like an eastern lady, I suppose," said Hester, +laughing; "make my life miserable to make it safe. If a woman has any +sense, major Marvel, she can take care of herself; if she has not, she +must learn the need of it." + +"Ah!" said the major sadly, "but the thousand pangs and aches and +heart-sickenings! I would sooner see my child on the funeral pyre of a +husband she loved, than living a merry life with one she despised!" + +Hester began to feel she had not been doing the major justice. + +"So would I!" she said heartily. "You mean me well, and I shall not +forget how kind you have been. Now let us go back." + +"Just one thing more: if ever you think I can help you, you _will_ +let me know?" + +"That I promise with all my heart," she answered. + +"I mean," she added, "if it be a thing I count it right to trouble you +about." + +The major's face fell. + +"I see!" he said; "you won't promise anything. Well, stick to that, and +_don't_ promise." + +"You wouldn't have me come to you for a new bonnet, would you?" + +"By George! shouldn't I be proud to fetch you the best in Regent street +by the next train!" + +"Or saddle the pony for me?" + +"Try me.--But I won't have any more chaff. I throw myself on your +generosity, and trust you to remember there is an old man that loves +you, and has more money than he knows what to do with." + +"I think," said Hester, "the day is sure to come when I shall ask your +help. In the meantime, if it be any pleasure to you to know it, I trust +you heartily. You are all wrong about lord Gartley though. He is not +what you think him." + +She gave him her hand. The major took it in his own soft small +one--small enough almost for the hilt of an Indian tulwar--and pressed +it devoutly to his lips. She did not draw it away, and he felt she +trusted him. + +Now that the hard duty was done, and if not much good yet no harm had +resulted, he went home a different man. A pang of fear for Hester in the +power of "that ape Gartley" would now and then pass through him; but he +had now a right to look after her, and who can tell what might not turn +up! + +His host congratulated him on looking so much better for his walk, and +Hester recounted to her mother their strange conversation. + +"Only think, mamma!" she said; "he offered me a thousand a year not to +marry lord Gartley!" + +"Hester!" + +"He does not like the earl, and he does like me; so he wants me not to +marry him. That is all!" + +"I thought I could have believed anything of him, but this goes almost +beyond belief!" + +"Why should it, mamma? There is an odder thing still: instead of hating +him for it, I like him better than before." + +"Are you sure he has no notion of making room for himself?" + +"Quite sure. He would have it he was old enough to be my grandfather. +But you know he is not that!" + +"Perhaps you wouldn't mind if he were a little younger yet!" said her +mother merrily, "as he is too young to be your grandfather." + +"I suppose you had a presentiment I should like him, and left him for +me, mamma!" returned Hester in like vein. + +"But seriously, Hester, is it not time we knew what lord Gartley means?" + +"Oh, mamma! please don't talk like that!" + +"It does sound disagreeable--vulgar, if you like, my child; but I cannot +help being anxious about you. If he does not love you he has no right to +court your company so much." + +"I encourage it, mamma. I like him." + +"That is what makes me afraid." + +"It will be time enough to think about it if he comes again now he has +got the earldom." + +"Should you like to be a countess, Hester?" + +"I would rather not think about it, mother. It may never make any +difference whether I should like it or not. + +"I can't help thinking it strange he should be so much with you and +never say a word!" + +"Might you not just as well say it was strange of me to be so much with +him, or of you, mother dear, to let him come so much to the house?" + +"It was neither your part nor mine to say anything. Your father even has +always said he would scorn to ask a man his _intentions_: either he +was fit to be in his daughter's company, or he was not. Either he must +get rid of him, or leave his daughter to manage her own affairs. He is +quite American in his way of looking at those matters." + +"Don't you think he is right, mother? If I let lord Gartley come, surely +he is not to blame for coming! + +"Only if you should have got fond of him, and it were to come to +nothing?" + +"It can't come to nothing, mother, and neither of us will be the worse +for it, I trust. As to what I think about him, I don't feel as if I +quite knew; and I don't think at present I need ask myself. I am afraid +you think me very cool: and in truth I don't quite understand myself; +but perhaps if one tries to do right as things come up, one may get on +without understanding oneself. I don't think, so far as I can make out, +St. Paul understood himself always. Miss Dasomma says a great part of +music is the agony of the musician after the understanding of himself. I +will try to do what is right--you may be sure of that, mother." + +"I am sure of that, my dear--quite sure; and I won't trouble you more +about it. You may imagine I should not like to see my Hester a love-sick +maiden, pining and wasting away!" + +"Depend upon It, mamma, if I found myself in that state no one else +should discover it," said Hester, partly in play, but thoroughly in +earnest. + +"That only reveals how little you know about such things, my love! You +could no more hide it from the eyes of your mother than you could a +husband." + +"Such things have been hid before now, mamma! And yet why should a woman +ever hide anything? I must think about that! From one's own mother? No; +when I am dying of love, you shall know, mamma. But it won't be +to-morrow or the next day." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + +THE MAJOR AND COUSIN HELEN'S BOYS. + + +The major was in no haste to leave, but he spent most of his time with +Mark, and was in nobody's way. Mark was very happy with the major. The +nature of the man was so childlike that, although he knew little of the +deep things in which Mark was at home, his presence was never an +interruption to the child's thoughts; and when the boy made a remark in +the upward direction, he would look so grave, and hold such a peace that +the child never missed the lacking words of response. Who knows what the +man may not have gained even from silent communication with the child! + +One day he was telling the boy how he had been out alone on a desolate +hill all night; how he heard the beasts roaring round him, and not one +of them came near him. "Did you see _him_?" asked Mark. + +"See who, sonny?" returned the major. + +"The one between you and them," answered Mark in a subdued tone; and +from the tone the major understood. + +"No," he answered; and taking into his the spirit of the child, went on. +"I don't think any one sees him now-a-days." + +"Isn't it a pity?" said Mark. Then after a thoughtful pause, he resumed: +"Well, not see him just with your eyes, you know! But old Jonathan at +the cottage--he has got no eyes--at least none to speak of, for they're +no good to see with--he always speaks of seeing the people he has been +talking with--and in a way he does see them, don't you think? But I +fancy sometimes I must have seen _him_ with my very eyes when I was +young: and that's why I keep always expecting to see him again--some +day, you know--some day. Don't you think I shall, Majie?" + +"I hope so, indeed, Mark! It would be a bad job if we were never to see +him!" he added, suddenly struck with a feeling he had never had before. + +"Yes, indeed; that it would!" responded the child. "Why, where would be +the good of it all, you know! That's what we came here for--ain't it? +God calls children--I know he calls some, for he said, 'Samuel! Samuel!' +I wish he would call me!" + +"What would you say?" asked the major. + +"I would say--' Here I am, God! What is it?' We musn't keep God waiting, +you know!" + +The major felt, like Wordsworth with the leech-gatherer, that the child +was there to give him "apt admonishment." Could God have ever called him +and he not have listened? Of course it was all a fancy! And yet as he +looked at the child, and met his simple believing eyes, he felt he had +been a great sinner, and the best things he had done were not fit to be +looked at. Happily there were no conventional religious phrases in the +mouth of the child to repel him; his father and mother had a horror of +pharisaic Christianity: I use the word _pharisaic_ in its true +sense--as _formal_, not as _hypocritical_. They had both seen +in their youth too many religious prigs to endure temple-whitewash on +their children. Except what they heard at church, hardly a special +religious phrase ever entered their ears. Those of the New Testament +were avoided from reverence, lest they should grow common and fail of +their purpose when the children read them for themselves. "But if this +succeeded with Hester and Mark, how with Cornelius?" I answer, if to +that youth's education had been added the common _forms_ of a +religious one, he would have been--not perhaps a worse fellow, but a far +more offensive one, and harder to influence for good. Inclined to scoff, +he would have had the religious material for jest and ribaldry ready to +his hand; while if he had wanted to start as a hypocrite, it would have +been specially easy. The true teaching for children is persons, history +and doctrine in the old sense of the New Testament--instruction in +righteousness, that is--not human theory about divine facts. + +The major was still at Yrndale, when, in the gloomy month to which for +reasons he had shifted his holiday, Cornelius arrived. The major could +hardly accept him as one of the family, so utterly inferior did he show. +There was a kind of mean beauty about his face and person and an evident +varnish on his manners which revolted him. "That lad will bring grief on +them!" he said to himself. He was more than usually polite to the major: +he was in the army, the goal of his aspiration! but he laughed at what +he called his vulgarity in private, and delighted to annoy Hester with +remarks upon her "ancient adorer." Because he prized nothing of the +kind, he could see nothing of his essential worth, and took note merely +of his blunders, personal ways and oddities. The major was not properly +vulgar, only ill-bred: he had not had a sharp enough mother, jealous for +the good manners as well as good behaviour of her boy. There are many +ladylike mothers--ladylike because their mothers were ladies and taught +them to behave like ladies, whose children do not turn out ladies and +gentlemen because they do not teach them as they were taught themselves. +Cornelius had been taught--and had learned nothing but manners. He was +vulgar with a vulgarity that went miles deeper than that of the major. +The major would have been sorry to find he had hurt the feelings of a +dog; Cornelius would have whistled on learning that he had hurt the +feelings of a woman. If the major was a clown, Cornelius was a cad. The +one was capable of genuine sympathy; the other not yet of any. The latter +loved his own paltry self, counting it the most precious thing in +creation; the former was conceited it is true, but had no lofty opinion +of himself. Hence it was that he thought so much of his small successes. +His boasting of them was mainly an uneasy effort at establishing himself +comfortably in his own eyes and the eyes of friends. It was little more +than a dog's turning of himself round and round before he lies down. +He knew they were small things of which he boasted but he had no other, +and scorned to invent: his great things, those in which he had shown +himself a true and generous man, he looked on as matters of course, nor +recognized anything in them worth thinking of. He was not a great man, +but had elements of greatness; he had no vision of truth, but obeyed his +moral instincts: when those should blossom into true intents, as one day +they must, he would be a great man. As yet he was not safe. But how +blessed a thing that God will judge us and man shall not! Where we see +no difference, he sees ages of difference. The very thing that looks to +us for condemnation may to the eyes of God show in its heart ground of +excuse, yea, of partial justification. Only God's excuse is, I suspect, +seldom coincident with the excuse a man makes for himself. If any one +thinks that God will not search closely into things, I say there could +not be such a God. He will see the uttermost farthing paid. His excuses +are as just as his condemnations. + +In respect of Cornelius the major was more careful than usual not to +make himself disagreeable, for his feelings put him on his guard: there +are not a few who behave better to those they do not like than to those +they do. He thus flattered, without intending it, the vanity of the +youth, who did not therefore spare his criticism behind his back. Hester +usually answered in his defence, but sometimes would not condescend to +justify him to such an accuser. One day she lost her temper with her +beam-eyed brother. "Cornelius, the major may have his faults," she said, +"but you are not the man to find them out. He is ten times the gentleman +you are. I say it deliberately, and with all my soul!" As she began this +speech, the major entered the room, but she did not see him. He asked +Cornelius to go with him for a walk. Hoping he had only just come in, +but a little anxious, Cornelius agreed, and as they walked behaved +better than he had ever done before--till he had persuaded himself that +the major had heard nothing, when he speedily relapsed into his former +manner--one of condescension and thin offence to nearly every one about +him. But all the time the major was studying him, and saw into him +deeper than his mother or Hester--descried a certain furtive anxiety in +the youth's eyes when he was silent, an unrest as of trouble he would +not show. "The rascal has been doing something wrong," he said to +himself; "he is afraid of being found out! And found out he is sure to +be; he has not the brains to hide a thing! It's not murder--he ain't got +the pluck for that; but it may be petty larceny!" + +The weeks went on. Cornelius's month wore out, but he seemed restless +for it to be gone, making no response to the lamentations of the +children that Christmas was so near, and their new home such a grand one +for keeping it in, and Corney not to be with them! He did not show them +much kindness, but a little went a great way with them, and they loved +him. + +"Mind you're well, before I come again, Markie," he said as he took his +leave; "you're not a pleasant sight moping about the house!" The tears +came in the child's eyes. He was not moping--only weakly and even when +looking a little sad, was quite happy. + +"I don't think I mope, Hessy--do I?" he said. "What does Corney mean? I +don't want to do what ain't nice. I want to be pleasant!" + +"Never mind, Markie dear," answered Hester; "it's only that you are not +very strong--not up to a game of romps as you used to be. You will be +merry again one day." + +"I am merry enough," replied Mark; "only somehow the merry goes all +about inside me, and don't want to come out--like the little bird, you +know, that wouldn't go out of its cage though I left the door open for +it. I suppose it felt just like me. I don't care if I never go out of +the house again." + +He was indeed happy enough--more than happy when _Majie_ was there. +They would be together most days all day long. And the amount of stories +Mark, with all his contemplativeness could swallow, was amazing. That +may be good food which cannot give life. But the family-party was soon +to be broken up--not by subtraction, but by addition. The presence of +the major had done nothing to spoil the homeness of home, but it was now +for a time to be set aside. + +There is something wrong with anyone who, entering a house of any kind, +makes it less of a home. The angel-stranger makes the children of a +house more aware of their home; they delight in showing it to him, for +he takes interest in all that belongs to the family-life--the only +blessed life in heaven or upon earth, and sees the things as the +children see them. But the stranger of this world makes the very home by +his presence feel out of doors. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + +A DISTINGUISHED GUEST. + + +A letter came from lord Gartley, begging Mrs. Raymount to excuse the +liberty he took, and allow him to ask whether he might presume upon her +wish, casually expressed, to welcome his aunt to the hospitality of +Yrndale. London was empty, therefore her engagements, although Parliament +was sitting, were few, and he believed if Mrs. Raymount would take the +trouble to invite her, she might be persuaded to avail herself of the +courtesy. "I am well aware," he wrote, "of the seeming rudeness of this +suggestion, but you, dear Mrs. Raymount, can read between lines, and +understand that it is no presumptuous desire to boast my friends to my +relatives that makes me venture what to other eyes than yours might well +seem an arrogance. If you have not room for us, or if our presence would +spoil your Christmas party, do not hesitate to put us off, I beg. I +shall understand you, and say nothing to my rather peculiar but most +worthy aunt, waiting a more convenient season." The desired invitation +was immediately dispatched,--with some wry faces on the part of the head +of the house who, however, would not oppose what his wife wished. + +Notwithstanding his knowledge of men, that is, of fundamental human +nature, Mr. Raymount was not good at reading a man who made himself +agreeable, and did not tread on the toes of any of his theories--of +which, though mostly good, he made too much, as every man of theory +does. I would not have him supposed a man of theory only: such a man is +hardly man at all; but while he thought of the practice, he too +sparingly practiced the thought. He laid too much upon words altogether; +especially words in print, attributing more power to them for the +regeneration of the world than was reasonable. If he had known how few +cared a pin's point for those in which he poured out his mind, just +flavored a little with his heart, he would have lost hope altogether. If +he had known how his arguments were sometimes used against the very +principles he used them for, it would have enraged him. Perhaps the +knowledge of how few of those who admired his words acted upon them, +would have made him think how little he struggled himself to do the +things which by persuasion and argument he drove home upon the +consciences of others. He had not yet believed that to do right is more +to do for the regeneration of the world than any quality or amount of +teaching can do. "_The Press_" no doubt has a great power for good, +but every man possesses, involved in the very fact of his consciousness, +a greater power than any verbal utterance of truth whatever. It is +righteousness--not of words, not of theories, but in being, that is, in +vital action, which alone is the prince of the power of the spirit. +Where that is, everything has its perfect work; where that is not, the +man is not a power--is but a walker in a vain show. + +He did not see through or even into Gartley who was by no means a +profound or intentional hypocrite. But he never started on a new +relation with any suspicions. Men of the world called him too good, +therefore a fool. It was not however any over-exalted idea of human +nature that led him astray in his judgment of the individual; it was +merely that he was too much occupied with what he counted his work--with +his theories first, then his writing of them, then the endless defending +of them, to care to see beyond the focus of his short-sighted eyes. +Vavasor was a gentlemanly fellow, and that went a long way with him. He +did not oppose him, and that went another long way: of all things he +could not bear to be opposed in what he so plainly saw to be true, nor +could think why every other honest man should not at once also see it +true. He forgot that the difficulty is not so much in recognizing the +truth of a proposition, as in recognizing what the proposition is. In +the higher regions of thought the recognition of what a proposition is, +and the recognition of its truth are more than homologous--they are the +same thing. + +The ruin of a man's teaching comes of his followers, such as having +never touched the foundation he has laid, build upon it wood, hay, and +stubble, fit only to be burnt. Therefore, if only to avoid his worst +foes, his admirers, a man should avoid system. The more correct a system +the worse will it be misunderstood; its professed admirers will take +both its errors and their misconceptions of its truths, and hold them +forth as its essence. Mr. Raymount, then, was not the man to take that +care of his daughter which people of the world think necessary. But, on +the whole, even with the poor education they have, women, if let alone, +would take better care of themselves, than father or brother will for +them. I say _on the whole_; there may well be some exceptions. The +only thing making men more fit to take care of women than the women +themselves, is their greater opportunity of knowing the character of men +concerned--which knowledge, alas! they generally use against those they +claim to protect, concealing facts from the woman to whom they ought to +be conveyed; sometimes indeed having already deluded her with the +persuasion that is of no consequence in the man which is essential in +herself. + +The day before Christmas-eve the expected visitors arrived--just in time +to dress for dinner. + +The family was assembled in the large old drawing-room of dingy white +and tarnished gold when Miss Vavasor entered. She was tall and handsome +and had been handsomer, for she was not of those who, growing within, +grow more beautiful without as they grow older. She was dressed in the +plainest, handsomest fashion--in black velvet, fitting well her fine +figure, and half covered with point lace of a very thick +texture--Venetian probably. The only stones she wore were diamonds. Her +features were regular; her complexion was sallow, but not too sallow for +the sunset of beauty; her eyes were rather large, and of a clear gray; +her expression was very still, self-contained and self-dependent, +without being self-satisfied; her hair was more than half gray, but very +plentiful. Altogether she was one with an evident claim to distinction, +never asserted because always yielded. To the merest glance she showed +herself well born, well nurtured, well trained, and well kept, hence +well preserved. At an age when a poor woman must have been old and +wrinkled, and half undressed for the tomb, she was enough to make any +company look distinguished by her mere presence. Her manner was as +simple as her dress--without a trace of the vulgarity of condescension +or the least more stiffness than was becoming with persons towards whose +acquaintance, the rather that she was their guest, it was but decent to +advance gently, while it was also prudent to protect her line of +retreat, lest it should prove desirable to draw back. She spoke with the +utmost readiness and simplicity, looked with interest at Hester but +without curiosity, had the sweetest smile at hand for use as often as +wanted--a modest smile which gleamed but a moment and was gone. There +was nothing in her behaviour to indicate a consciousness of error from +her sphere. The world had given her the appearance of much of which +Christ gives the reality. For the world very oddly prizes the form whose +informing reality it despises. + +Lord Gartley was in fine humour. He had not before appeared to so great +advantage. Vavasor had never put off his company manner with Hester's +family, but Gartley was almost merry, quite graciously familiar--as if +set on bringing out the best points of his friends, and preventing his +aunt's greatness from making them abashed, or their own too much modesty +from showing a lack of breeding. But how shall I describe his face when +major Marvel entered! he had not even feared his presence. A blank +dismay, such as could seldom have been visible there, a strange mingling +of annoyance, contempt, and fear, clouded it with an inharmonious +expression, which made him look much like a discomfited commoner. In a +moment he had overcome the unworthy sensation, and was again impassive +and seemingly cool. The major did not choose to see him at first, but +was presented to Miss Vavasor by their hostess as her cousin. He +appeared a little awed by the fine woman, and comported himself with the +dignity which awe gives, behaving like any gentleman used to society. +Seated next her at dinner, he did not once allude to pig-sticking or +tiger-shooting, to elephants or niggers, or even to his regiment or +India, but talked about the last opera and the last play, with some good +criticisms on the acting he had last seen, conducting himself in such +manner as would have made lord Gartley quite grateful to him, had he not +put it down to the imperial presence of his high-born aunt, cowering his +inferior nature. But while indeed the major was naturally checked by a +self-sufficing feminine presence, the cause that mainly operated to his +suppression was of another kind and from an opposite source. + +He had been strongly tempted all that day to a very different behaviour. +Remembering what he had heard of the character of the lady, and of the +relation between her and her nephew, he knew at once, when told she was +coming, that lord Gartley was bringing her down with the hope of gaining +her consent to his asking Hester to marry him. "The rascal knows," said +the major to himself, "that nothing human could stand out against her! +There is only her inferior position to urge from any point of view!" And +therewith arose his temptation: might he not so comport himself before +the aunt as to disgust her with the family, and save his lovely cousin +from being sacrificed to a heartless noodle? To the extent of his means +he would do what money could to console her! It was at least better than +the empty title! He recalled the ways of his youth, remembered with what +delightful success he had annoyed aunts and cousins and lady friends, +chuckled to think that some of them had for months passed him without +even looking at him: + +"I'll settle the young ape's hash for him!" he said to himself. "It only +wants a little free-and-easyness with my lady to do the deed. It can +cost me nothing except her good opinion, which I can afford. But I'll +lay you anything to nothing, if she knew the weight of my four quarters, +she would have me herself after all! I don't quite think myself a +lady-killer: by George, my--hum!--_entourage_ is against that, but +where money is money can! Only I don't want her, and my money is for her +betters! What damned jolly fun it will be to send her out of the house +in a rage!--and a good deed done too!--By George, I'll do it! See if I +don't!" + +He might possibly have found it not quite so easy to shock Miss Vavasor +as some of his late country cousins. + +In this resolution he had begun to dress, but before he had finished had +begun to have his doubts. Would it not be dishonorable? Would it not +bring such indignation upon him that even Mark would turn away? Hester +would never except so much as a postage-stamp from him if he brought +disgrace on her family, and drove away her suitor! Besides, he might +fail! They might come to an understanding and leave him out in the cold! +By the time he was dressed he had resolved to leave the fancy alone, and +behave like a gentleman. But now with every sip of wine the temptation +came stronger and stronger. The spirit of fun kept stirring in him. Not +merely for the sake of Hester, but for the joke of the thing, he was +tempted, and had to keep fighting the impulse till the struggle was +almost more than he could endure. And just from this came the subdued +character of his demeanour! What had threatened to destroy his manners +for the evening turned out the corrective of his usual behaviour: as an +escape from the strife within him, he tried to make himself agreeable. +Miss Vavasor being good natured, was soon interested and by and by +pleased with him. This reacted; he began to feel pleased with her, and +was more at his ease. Therewith came the danger not unforeseen of some +at the table: he began to tell one of his stories. But he saw Hester +look anxious; and that was enough to put him on his careful honour. Ere +dinner was over he said to himself that if only the nephew were half as +good a fellow as the aunt, he would have been happy to give the young +people his blessing and a handsome present. + +"By Jove!" said lord Gartley, "the scoundrel is not such a low fellow +after all! I think I will try to forgive him!" Now and then he would +listen across the table to their talk, and everything the major said +that pleased his aunt pleased him amazingly. At one little witticism of +hers in answer to one of the major's he burst into such a hearty laugh +that his aunt looked up. + +"You are amused, Gartley!" she said. + +"You are so clever, aunt!" he returned. + +"Major Marvel has all the merit of my wit," she answered. This gave the +_coup de grace_ to the major's temptation to do evil that good +might come, and sacrifice himself that Hester might not be sacrificed. + +After dinner, they sat down to whist, of which Miss Vavasor was very +fond. When however she found they did not play for money, though she +praised the asceticism of the manner, she plainly took little interest +in the game. The major therefore, who had no scruples either of +conscience or of pocket in the matter, suggested that his lordship and +Hester should take their places, and proposed cribbage to her, for what +points she pleased. To this she acceded at once. The major was the best +player in his regiment, but Miss Vavasor had much the better of it, and +regretted she had not set the points higher. All her life she had had +money in the one eye and the poor earldom in the other. The major laid +down his halfcrowns so cheerfully, with such a look of satisfaction +even, that she came quite to like the man, and to hope he would be there +for some time, and prove as fond of cribbage as she was. The fear of +lord Gartley as to the malign influence of the major vanished entirely. + +And now that he was more at his ease, and saw that his aunt was at least +far from displeased with Hester, lord Gartley began to radiate his +fascinations. All his finer nature appeared. He grew playful, even +teasing; gave again and again a quick repartee; and sang as his aunt had +never heard him sing before. But when Hester sang, the thing was done, +and the aunt won: she perceived at once what a sensation such a singer +would make in her heavenly circle! She had, to be sure, a little +_too_ much expression, and sang well enough for a professional, +which was too well for a lady with no object in her singing except to +please. But in manner and style, to mention neither beauty nor +accomplishments, she would be a decided gain to the family, possessing +even in herself a not inconsiderable counterpoise to the title. Then who +could tell but this cousin--who seemed to have plenty of money, he +parted with it so easily--might be moved by like noble feelings with her +own to make a poor countess a rich one. The thing, I say, was settled, +so far as the chief family-worshipper was concerned. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + +COURTSHIP IN EARNEST. + + +I do not care to dwell upon what followed. Christmas was a merry day to +all but the major, who did not like the engagement any better than +before. He found refuge and consolation with Mark. The boy was merry in +a mild, reflected way, because the rest were merry, but preferred his +own room with "dear Majie," to the drawing-room with the grand lady. He +would steal from it, assured that in a moment the major would be after +him, to keep him company, and tell him such stories! + +Lord Gartley now began to make love with full intent and purpose. "How +could she listen to him!" says this and that reader? I can but echo the +exclamation, "How could she!" To explain the thing is more than I am +bound to undertake. As I may have said twenty times before, how this +woman will have this man is one of the deeper mysteries of the +world--yea, of the maker of the world, perhaps. One thing I may fairly +suggest--that where men see no reason why a woman should love this or +that man, she may see something in him which they do not see, or do not +value as she does. Alas for her if she only imagines it! Another thing +we may be sure of--that in few cases does the woman see what the men +know: much of that which is manifest to the eyes of the male world, is +by the male world scrupulously hidden from the female. One thing more I +would touch upon which men are more likely never to have thought of than +to have forgotten: that the love which a beautiful woman gives a man, is +in itself not an atom more precious than that which a plain woman gives. +In the two hearts they are the same, if the hearts be like; if not, the +advantage may well be with the plain woman. The love of a beautiful +woman is no more thrown away than the love of the plainest. The same +holds with regard to women of differing intellectual developments or +endowment. But when a woman of high hopes and aims--a woman filled with +eternal aspirations after life, and unity with her divine original gives +herself to such a one as lord Gartley, I cannot help thinking she must +have seriously mistaken some things both in him and in herself, the +consequence, probably, of some self-sufficiency, ambition, or other +fault in her, which requires the correction of suffering. + +Hester found her lover now very pleasant. If sometimes he struck a +jarring chord, she was always able to find some way of accounting for +it, or explaining it away--if not entirely to her satisfaction, yet so +far that she was able to go on hoping everything, and for the present to +put off any further consideration of the particular phenomenon to the +time when, like most self-deceiving women, she _scarcely_ doubted +she would have greater influence over him--namely, the time when, man +and wife, they would be one flesh. But where there is not already a far +deeper unity than marriage can give, marriage itself can do little to +bring two souls together--may do much to drive them asunder. + +She began to put him in training, as she thought, for the help he was to +give her with her loved poor. "What a silly!" exclaims a common-minded +girl-reader. "That was not the way to land her fish!" But let those who +are content to have fishy husbands, net or hook and land them as they +can; a woman has more in herself than any husband can give her, though +he may take much from her. Lord Gartley had no real conception of her +outlook on life, and regarded all her endeavor as born of the desire to +perfect his voice and singing. With such teaching he must, he imagined, +soon become her worthy equal. He had no notion of the sort of thing +genius is. Few have. They think of it as something supreme in itself, +whereas it is altogether dependent on truth in the inward parts. It may +last for a time separated from truth, but it dies its life, not lives +it. Its utterance depends on enthusiasm; all enthusiasm depends on love +and nobility of purpose; and love and nobility depend upon truth--that +is, live truth. Not millions of years, without an utter regeneration of +nature, could make such a man as Gartley sing like Hester. His faculties +were in the power of decay, therefore of the things that pass; Hester +was of the powers that give life, and keep things going and growing. She +sang because of the song that was in her soul. Her music came out of her +being, not out of her brain and her throat. If such a one as Gartley can +sing, there is no reason why he should be kept singing. In all the arts +the man who does not reach to higher things falls away from the things +he has. The love of money will ruin poet, painter, or musician. + +For Hester the days now passed in pleasure. I fear the closer contact +with lord Gartley, different he was in her thought from what he was in +his own best, influenced at least the _rate_ of her growth towards +the upper regions. We cannot be heart and soul and self in the company +of the evil--and the untrue is the evil, however beheld as an angel of +light in the mirage of our loving eyes, without sad loss. Her prayers +were not so fervent, her aspirations not so strong. I see again the curl +on the lip of a certain kind of girl-reader! Her judgment here is but +foolishness. She is much too low in the creation yet, be she as +high-born and beautiful as a heathen goddess, to understand the things +of which I am writing. But she has got to understand them--they are not +mine--and the understanding may come in dread pain, and dire dismay. +Hester was one of those who in their chambers are not alone, but with +him who seeth in secret; and not to get so near to God in her chamber--I +can but speak in human figure--did not argue well for the new +relationship. But the Lord is mindful of his own. He does not forget +because we forget. Horror and pain may come, but not because he +forgets--nay, just because he does not forget. That is a thing God never +does. + +There are many women who would have bewitched Gartley more, yet great +was his delight in the presence and converse of Hester, and he yielded +himself with pleasing grace. Inclined to rebel at times when wearied +with her demands on his attention and endeavour, he yet condescended to +them with something of the playfulness with which one would humour a +child: he would have a sweet revenge by and by! His turn would come +soon, and he would have to instruct her in many things she was now +ignorant of! She had never moved in his great world: he must teach her +its laws, instruct her how to shine, how to make the most of herself, +how to do honour to his choice! He had but the vaguest idea of the +_folly_ that possessed her. He thought of her relation to the poor +but as a passing--indeed a past phase of a hitherto objectless life. +Anything beyond a little easy benevolence would be impossible to the +wife of lord Gartley! That she should contemplate the pursuit of her +former objects with even greater freedom and devotion than before, would +have seemed to him a thing utterly incredible. And Hester would have +been equally staggered to find he had so failed to understand her after +the way she had opened her heart to him. To imagine that for anything +she would forsake the work she had been sent to do! So things went on +_upon a mutual misunderstanding_--to make a bull for my purpose--each +in the common meaning of the word getting more and more in love with +the other every day, while in reality they were separating farther and +farther, in as much as each one was revelling in thoughts that were +alien to the other. An occasional blasting doubt would cross the mind +of Hester, but she banished it like an evil spectre. + +Miss Vavasor continued the most pleasant and unexacting of guests. Her +perfect breeding, sustained by a quiet temper and kindly disposition, +was easily, by simple hearts, taken for the sweetness it only simulated. +To people like Miss Vavasor does the thought never occur--what if the +thing they find it so necessary to simulate should actually in itself be +indispensable? What if their necessity of simulating it comes of its +absolute necessity! + +She found the company of the major agreeable in the slow time she had +for her nephew's sake to pass with such primitive people, and was glad +of what she might otherwise have counted barely endurable. For Mr. +Raymount, he would not leave what he counted his work for any goddess in +creation: Hester had got her fixedness of purpose through him, and its +direction through her mother. But it was well he did not give Miss +Vavasor much of his company: if they had been alone together for a +quarter of an hour, they would have parted sworn foes, hating each other +almost as much as is possible without having loved. So the major, +instead of putting a stop to the unworthy alliance, found himself +actually furthering the affair, doing his part with the lady on whom the +success of the enemy depended. He was still now and then tempted to +break through and have a hideous revenge; but, with no great sense of +personal dignity to restrain him, he was really a man of honour and +behaved like one, curbing himself with no little severity. + +So the time went on till after the twelfth night, when Miss Vavasor took +her leave for a round of visits, and lord Gartley went up to town, with +intention thereafter to pay a visit to his property, such as it was. He +would return to Yrndale in three weeks or a month, when the final +arrangements for the marriage would be made. + +A correspondence naturally commenced, and Hester, unwarned by former +experience, received his first letter joyfully. But, the letter read, +lo, there was the same disappointment as of old! And as the first +letter, so the last and all between. In Hester's presence, she +suggesting and leading, he would utter what seemed to indicate the +presence of what she would have in him; but alone in his room, without +guide to his thoughts, without the stimulus of her presence or the sense +of her moral atmosphere, the best things he could write were poor +enough; they had no bones in them, and no other fire than that which the +thought of Hester's loveliness could supply. So his letters were not +inspiriting. They absorbed her atmosphere and after each followed a +period of mental asphyxy. Had they been those of a person indifferent to +her, she would have called them stupid, thrown them down, and thought no +more of them. As it was, I doubt if she read many of them twice over. +But all would be well, she said to herself, when they met again. It was +her absence that oppressed him, poor fellow! He was out of spirits, and +could not write! He had not the faculty for writing that some had! Her +father had told her of men that were excellent talkers, but set them +down pen in hand and not a thought would come! Was it not to his praise +rather than blame? Was not the presence of a man's own kind the best +inspirer of his speech? It was his loving human nature--she would have +persuaded herself, but never quite succeeded--that made utterance in a +letter impossible to him. Yet she _would_ have liked a little +genuine, definite response to the things she wrote! He seemed to have +nothing to say from himself! He would assent and echo, but any response +was always such as to make her doubt whether she had written plainly, +invariably suggesting things of this world and not of the unseen, the +world of thought and being. And when she mentioned work he always +replied as if she meant an undefined something called _doing good_. +He never doubted the failure of that foolish concert of ladies and +gentlemen given to the riff-raff of London, had taught her that whether +man be equal in the sight of God or not, any attempt on the part of +their natural superiors to treat them as such could not but be +disastrous. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + +CALAMITY. + + +One afternoon the post brought side by side with a letter from lord +Gartley, one in a strange-looking cramped hand, which Mrs. Raymount +recognized. + +"What can Sarah be writing about?" she said, a sudden foreboding of evil +crossing her mind. + +"The water-rate perhaps," answered Hester, opening her own letter as she +withdrew to read it. For she did not like to read Gartley's letters +before her mother--not from shyness, but from shame: she would have +liked ill to have her learn how poor her Gartley's utterances were upon +paper. But ere she was six slow steps away, she turned at a cry from her +mother. + +"Good heavens, what can it be? Something has happened to him!" said Mrs. +Raymount. + +Her face was white almost as the paper she held. Hester put her arms +round her. + +"Mother! mother! what is it?" she cried. "Anything about Corney?" + +"I thought something would come to stop it all. We were too happy!" she +moaned, and began to tremble. + +"Come to papa, mamma dear," said Hester, frightened, but quiet. She +stood as if fixed to the ground. Mr. Raymount's letters had been carried +to him in the study, and one of them had put him into like perturbation. +He was pacing up and down the room almost as white as his wife, but his +pallor was that of rage. + +"The scoundrel!" he groaned, and seizing a chair hurled it against the +wall. "I had the suspicion he was a mean dog! Now all the world will +know it--and that he is my son! What have I done--what has my wife done, +that we should give being to a vile hound like this? What is there in +her or in me--?" + +There he paused, for he remembered: far back in the family some five +generations or so, one had been hanged for forgery. + +He threw himself in a chair, and wept with rage and shame. He had for +years been writing of family and social duties; here was his +illustration! His books were his words; here was his deed! How should he +ever show himself again! He would leave the country! Damn the property! +The rascal should never succeed to it! Mark should have it--if he lived! +But he hoped he would die! He would like to poison them all, and go with +them out of the disgrace--all but the dog that had brought it on them! +Hester marry an earl! Not if the truth would prevent it! Her engagement +must at once be broken! Lord Gartley marry the sister of a thief! + +While he was thus raging a knock came to the door, and a maid entered. + +"Please, sir," she said, "Miss Raymount says will you come to mis'ess: +she's taken bad!" + +This brought him to himself. The horrible fate was hers too! He must go +to her. How could she have heard the vile news? She must have heard it! +what else could make her ill! He followed the maid to the lawn. It was a +cold morning of January sunshine. There stood his wife in his daughter's +arms, trembling from head to foot, and apparently without power of +motion! He asked no question, took her in his arms, bore her to her +room, laid her on the bed, and sat down beside her, hardly caring if she +died, for the sooner they were all dead the better! She lay like one +dead, and do what she could Hester was unable to bring her to herself. +But by and by the doctor came. + +She had caught up the letter and as her father sat there, she handed it +to him. The substance and manner of it were these: + +"Dear mistress, it is time to let you know of the goings on here. I +never held with bearing of tales against my fellow-servants, and perhaps +it's worse to bring tales against Master Cornelius, as is your own flesh +and blood, but what am I to do as was left in charge, and to keep the +house respectable? He's not been home this three nights; and you ought +to know as there is a young lady, his cousin from New Zealand, as is +come to the house a three or four times since you went away, and stayed +a long time with him, though it is some time now that I ain't seen her. +She is a pretty, modest-looking young lady; though I must say I was +ill-pleased when Mr. Cornelius would have her stay all night; and I up +and told him if she was his cousin it wasn't as if she was his sister, +and it wouldn't do, and I would walk out of the house if he insisted on +me making up a bed for her. Then he laughed in my face, and told me I +was an old fool, and he was only making game of me. But that was after +he done his best to persuade me, and I wouldn't be persuaded. I told him +if neither he nor the young lady had a character to keep, I had one to +lose, and I wouldn't. But I don't think he said anything to her about +staying all night; for she come down the stair as innocent-like as any +dove, and bid me good night smiling, and they walked away together. And +I wouldn't by no means have took upon me to be a spy, nor I wouldn't +have mentioned the thing, for it's none of my business so long as nobody +doesn't abuse the house as is my charge; but he ain't been home for +three nights, and there is the feelings of a mother! and it's my part to +let her know as her son ain't slept in his own bed for three nights, and +that's a fact. So no more at present, and I hope dear mis'ess it won't +kill you to hear on it. O why did his father leave him alone in London, +with none but an old woman like me, as he always did look down upon, to +look after him! Your humble servant for twenty years to command, S. H." + + * * * * * + +Mrs. Raymount had not read the half of this. It was enough to learn he +had not been home for three nights. How is it? Parents with no +reasonable ground for believing their children good, nay with +considerable ground for believing them worse than many, are yet seized +as by the awfully incredible when they hear they are going wrong. Helen +Raymount concluded her boy had turned into bad ways because left in +London, although she knew he had never taken to good ways while they +were all with him. If he had never gone right why should she wonder he +had gone wrong? + +The doctor was sitting by the bedside, watching the effect of something +he had given her. Mr. Raymount rose and led Hester from the +room--sternly almost, as if she had been to blame for it all. + +Some people when they are angry, speak as if they were angry with the +person to whom they are in fact looking for comfort. When in trouble few +of us are masters enough of ourselves, because few of us are children +enough of our Father in heaven, to behave like gentlemen--after the +fashion of "the first stock father of gentleness." But Hester understood +her mother and did not resent. + +"Is this all your mother knows, Hester?" said her father, pointing to +the letter in his hand. She told him her mother had read but the first +sentence or two. + +He was silent--returned to the bedside, and stood silent. The life of +his dearest had been suddenly withered at the root, like the gourd of +Jonah, and had she not learned nearly the worst! + +His letter was from his wife's brother, in whose bank Cornelius was a +clerk. A considerable deficit had been discovered in his accounts. He +had not been to the bank for two days before, and no trace of him was to +be found. His uncle, from regard to the feelings of his sister, had not +allowed the thing to transpire, but had requested the head of his office +to be silent: he would wait his brother-in-law's reply before taking any +steps. He feared the misguided youth had reckoned on the forbearance of +an uncle; but for the sake of his own future, if for no other reason, +the thing could not be passed over! + +"Passed over!" Had Gerald Raymount been a Roman with the power of life +and death over his children, he would in his present mood have put his +son to death with his own hands. But for his wife's illness he would +have been already on the way to London to repay the missing money; for +his son's sake he would not cross his threshold! So at least he said to +himself. + +But something must be done. He must send some one! Who was there to +send? There was Hester! With her uncle she was a favourite! nor would +she dread the interview, which, as the heat of his rage yielded to a +cold despair, he felt would be to him an unendurable humiliation. For he +had had many arguments, not always quite friendly, with this same +brother-in-law concerning the way he brought up his children: they had +all turned out well, and here was his miserable son a felon, disgracing +both families! Yes; let Hester go! There were things a woman could do +better than a man! Hester was no child now, but a capable woman! While +she was gone he could be making up his mind what to do with the wretched +boy! + +He led Hester again from her mother's room to his, and gave her her +uncle's letter to read. Tell her its contents he could not. He watched +her as she read--watched his own heart as it were in her bosom--saw her +grow pale, then flush, then turn pale again. At length her face settled +into a look of determination. She laid the letter on the table, and rose +with a steady troubled light in her eyes. What she was thinking of he +could not tell, but he made at once the proposal. + +"Hester," he said, "I cannot leave your mother; you must go for me to +your uncle and do the best you can. If it were not for your mother I +would have the rascal prosecuted; but it would break her heart." + +Hester wasted no words of reply: She had often heard him say there ought +to be no interference with public justice for private ends. + +"Yes, papa," she answered. "I shall be ready in a moment. If I ride +Hotspur I shall catch the evening train." + +"There is time to take the brougham." + +"Am I to say anything to Corney, papa?" she asked, her voice trembling +over the name. + +"You have nothing to do with him," he answered sternly. "Where is the +good of keeping a villain from being as much of a villain as he has got +it in him to be? I will sign you a blank cheque, which your uncle can +fill up with the amount he has stolen. Come for it as soon as you are +ready." + +Hester thought as she went whether, if it had not been for the +possibility of repentance, the world would ever have been made at all. + +On her way to her room she met the major, looking for herself, to tell +him about her mother, of whose attack, as he had been out for a long +walk, he had but just heard. + +"But what did it, Hester?" he said. "I can smell in the air something +has gone wrong: what the deuce is it? There's always something getting +out of gear in this best of worlds?" + +She would have passed him with a word in her haste, but he turned and +walked with her. + +"The individual, any individual, all the individuals," he went on, "may +come to smash, but the world is all right, notwithstanding, and a good +serviceable machine!--by George, without a sound pinion in all the +carcass of it, or an engineer that cares there should be!" + +They had met in a dark part of the corridor, and had now, at a turn in +it, come opposite a window. Then first the major saw Hester's face: he +had never seen her look like that! + +"Is your mother in danger?" he asked, his tone changing to the gentlest, +for his heart was in reality a most tender one. + +"She is very ill," answered Hester. "The doctor has been with her now +three hours. I am going up to London for papa. He can't leave her." + +"Going up to London--and by the night-train!" said the major to himself. +"Then there has been bad news! What can they be? Money matters? No; +cousin Helen is not the one to send health after money! It's something +worse than that! I have it! That scoundrel Corney has been about some +mischief--damn him! I shouldn't be surprised to hear anything bad of +him! But what can you do, my dear?" he said aloud. "It's not fit--" + +He looked up. Hester was gone. + +She put a few things together, drank a cup of tea brought to her room, +went to her father and received the cheque, and was ready by the time +the brougham came to the door with a pair of horses. She would not look +at her mother again lest she might be sufficiently revived to wonder +where she was going, but hastened down, and saw no one on the way. One +of the servants was in the hall, and opened the carriage-door for her. +The moment it closed she was on her way through the gathering dusk to +the railway station. + +While the lodge-gate was being opened, she thought she saw some one get +up on the box beside the coachman, and fancied it must be a groom going +with them. The drive was a long and anxious one; it seemed to her all +the time as if the horses could not get on. In spots the road was +slippery, and as the horses were not roughed they had to go slowly, and +parts were very heavy. What might not be happening to Corney, she +thought, while she was on the way to his rescue! She kept fancying one +dreadful thing after another. It was like a terrible dream, only with +the assurance of reality in it. + +The carriage stopped, the door opened, and there was the major in a huge +fur coat, holding out his hand to help her down. It was as great a +pleasure as surprise, and she showed both. + +"You didn't think I was going to let you travel alone?" he said. "Who +knows what wolf might be after my Red riding-hood! I'll go in another +carriage of course if you wish it; but in this train I'm going to +London." + +Hester told him she was only too glad of his escort. Careful not to seem +in the least bent on the discovery of the cause of her journey, he +seated himself in the farthest corner, for there was no one else in the +carriage, and pretended to go to sleep. And now first began Hester's +private share in the general misery of the family. In the presence of +her suffering father and mother, she put off looking into the mist that +kept gathering deeper and deeper, filled with forms undefined, about +herself. Now these forms began to reveal themselves in shifting yet +recognizable reality. If this miserable affair should be successfully +hushed up, there was yet one must know it: she must immediately acquaint +lord Gartley with what had taken place! And therewith one of the shapes +in the mist settled into solidity: if the love between them had been of +an ideal character, would she have had a moment's anxiety as to how her +lover would receive the painful news? But therewith her own mind was +made up: if he but hesitated, that would be enough! Nothing could make +her marry a man who had once hesitated whether to draw back or not. It +was impossible. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + +IN LONDON. + + +It was much too early to do anything when they arrived. Nor could Hester +go to her uncle's house: it was in one of the suburbs, and she would +reach it before the household was stirring. They went therefore to +Addison square. When they had roused Sarah, the major took his leave of +Hester, promising to be with her in a few hours, and betook himself to +his hotel. + +As she would not be seen at the bank, with the risk of being recognized +as the sister of Cornelius and rousing speculation, she begged the major +when he came to be her messenger to her uncle, and tell him that she had +come from her father, asking him where it would be convenient for him to +see her. The major undertook the commission at once, and went without +asking a question. + +Early in the afternoon her uncle came, and behaved to her very kindly. +He was chiefly a man of business, and showing neither by look nor tone +that he had sympathy with the trouble she and her parents were in, by +his very reticence revealed it. His manner was the colder that he was +studiously avoiding the least approximation to remark on the conduct or +character of the youth--an abstinence which, however, had a chilling and +hopeless effect upon the ardent mind of the sister. At last, when she +had given him her father's cheque, with the request that he would +himself fill it up with the amount of which he had been robbed, and he +with a slight deprecatory smile and shrug had taken it, she ventured to +ask what he was going to do in regard to her brother. + +"When I take this cheque," answered her uncle, "it indicates that I +treat the matter as a debt discharged, and leave him entirely in your +father's hands. He must do as he sees fit. I am sorry for you all, and +for you especially that you should have had to take an active part in +the business. I wish your father could have come up himself. My poor +sister!" + +"I cannot be glad my father could not come," said Hester, "but I am glad +he did not come, for he is so angry with Cornelius that I could almost +believe he would have insisted on your prosecuting him. You never saw +such indignation as my father's at any wrong done by one man to +another--not to say by one like Cornelius to one like you, uncle, who +have always been so kind to him! It is a terrible blow! He will never +get over it--never! never!" + +She broke down, and wept bitterly--the more bitterly that they were her +first tears since learning the terrible fact, for she was not one who +readily found such relief. To think of their family, of which she was +too ready to feel proud, being thus disgraced, with one for its future +representative who had not even the commonest honesty, and who, but that +his crime had been committed against an indulgent relative, would +assuredly, for the sake of the business morals of his associates, if for +no other reason, have been prosecuted for felony, was hard to bear! But +to one of Hester's deep nature and loyalty to the truth, there were +considerations far more sad. How was ever such a child of the darkness +to come to love the light? How was one who cared so little for +righteousness, one who, in all probability, would only excuse or even +justify his crime--if indeed he would trouble himself to do so much--how +was one like him to be brought to contrition and rectitude? There was a +hope, though a poor one, in the shame he must feel at the disgrace he +had brought upon himself. But alas! if the whole thing was to be kept +quiet, and the semblance allowed that he had got tired of business and +left it, how would even what regenerating power might lie in shame be +brought to bear upon him? If not brought to _open_ shame, he would +hold his head as high as ever--be arrogant under the protection of the +fact that the disgrace of his family would follow upon the exposure of +himself. When her uncle left her, she sat motionless a long time, +thinking much but hoping little. The darkness gathered deeper and deeper +around her. The ruin of her own promised history seemed imminent upon +that of her family. What sun of earthly joy could ever break through +such clouds! There was indeed a sun that nothing could cloud, but it +seemed to shine far away. Some sorrows seem beyond the reach of +consolation, in as much as their causes seem beyond setting right. They +can at best, _as it seems_, only be covered over. Forgetfulness +alone seems capable of removing their sting, and from that cure every +noble mind turns away as unworthy both of itself, and of its Father in +heaven. But the human heart has to go through much before it is able to +house even a suspicion of the superabounding riches of the creating and +saving God. The foolish child thinks there can be nothing where he sees +nothing; the human heart feels as if where it cannot devise help, there +is none possible to God; as if God like the heart must be content to +botch the thing up, and make, as we say, the best of it. + +But as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are his ways higher +than our ways, and his thoughts than our thoughts. + +"But what _can_ be done when--so and so?" says my reader; for, +whatever generalities I utter, his hurt seems not the less +unapproachable of any help. You think, I answer, that you see all round +your own sorrow; whereas much the greater part of the very being you +call yours, is as unknown to you as the other side of the moon. It is as +impossible you should understand it therefore, its sorrow, as that you +should understand God, who alone understands you. Be developed into the +divine idea of you; for your grief's sake let God have his way with you, +and not only will all be well, but you shall say, "It is well." + +It was a sore and dreary time for Hester, alone in the room where she +had spent so many happy hours. She sat in a window, looking out upon the +leafless trees and the cold gloomy old statue in the midst of them. +Frost was upon every twig. A thin sad fog filled the comfortless air. +There might be warm happy homes many, but such no more belonged to her +world! The fire was burning cheerfully behind her, but her eyes were +fixed on the dreary square. She was hardly thinking--only letting +thoughts and feelings come and go. What a thing is life and being, when +a soul has become but the room in which ghosts hold their revel; when +the man is no longer master of himself, can no more say to this or that +thought, thou shall come, and thou shall go; but is a slave to his own +existence, can neither cease to be, nor order his being--able only in +fruitless rebellion to entangle himself yet more in the net he has +knotted around him! Such is every one parted from the essential life, +who has not the Power by which he lives one with him, holding pure and +free and true the soul he sent forth from the depths of his being. I +repent me of the ignorance wherein I ever said that God made man out of +nothing: there is no nothing out of which to make anything; God is all +in all, and he made us out of himself. He who is parted from God has no +original nothingness with which to take refuge. He is a live discord, an +anti-truth. He is a death fighting against life, and doomed to endless +vanity; an opposition to the very power by whose strength yet in him he +opposes; a world of contradictions, not greedy after harmony, but greedy +for lack of harmony--his being an abyss of positive negation. Not such +was Hester, and although her thoughts now came and went without her, +they did not come and go without God; and a truth from the depths of her +own true being was on its way to console her. + +How would her lover receive the news?--that was the agitating question; +what would he thereupon do? + +She could not at once write to acquaint him with the grief and disgrace +that had fallen upon them, for she did not know where precisely he was: +his movements were not fixed; and she dreaded the falling of such a +letter as she would have to write into any hands except his own. + +But another, and far stronger reason against writing to him, made itself +presently clear to her mind: if she wrote, she could not know how he +received her sad story; and if his mind required making up, which was +what she feared, he would have time for it! This would not do! She must +communicate the dread defiling fact with her own lips! She must see how +he took it! Like Hamlet with the king at the play, "If he but blench, I +know my course!" she said. If he showed the slightest change towards +her, the least tendency to regard his relation to her as an +entanglement, to regret that he had involved himself with the sister of +a thief, marry her he should not! That was settled as the earth's +course! If he was not to be her earthly refuge in this trouble as in any +other, she would none of him! If it should break her heart she would +none of him! But break her heart it would not! There were worse evils +than losing a lover! There was losing a true man--and that he would not +be if she lost him! The behaviour of Cornelius had perhaps made her more +capable of doubt; possibly her righteous anger with him inclined her to +imagine grounds of anger with another; but probably this feeling of +uncertainty with regard to her lover had been prepared for by things +that had passed between them since their engagement, but upon which +regarding herself as his wife, she had not allowed herself to dwell, +turning her thought to the time when, as she imagined, she would be able +to do so much more for and with him. And now she was almost in a mood to +quarrel with him! Brought to moral bay, she stood with her head high, +her soul roused, and every nerve strung to defence. She had not yet cast +herself for defence on the care of her Father in heaven, who is jealous +for the righteousness of those who love righteousness. But he was not +far from her. + +Yet deeper into the brooding fit she sank. Weary with her journey and +the sleepless night, her brain seemed to work itself; when suddenly came +the thought that, after so long a separation, she was at last in the +midst of her poor. But how was she to face them now! how hold up her +head amongst them! how utter a word of gentlest remonstrance! Who was +she to have dared speak to them of the evil of their ways, and the bad +influence of an ill-behaved family! But how lightly they bore such ills +as that which was now breaking her down with trouble and shame! Even +such of them as were honest people, would have this cousin or that +uncle, or even a son or the husband _in_ for so many months, and +think only of when they would have him out again! Misfortune had +overtaken them! and they loved them no less. The man or the woman was +still man or woman, mother or husband to them. Nothing could degrade +them beyond the reach of their sympathies! They had no thought of +priding themselves against them because they themselves had not +transgressed the law, neither of drawing back from them with disgust. +And were there not a thousand wrong things done in business and society +which had no depressing effect either on those who did them, or those +whose friends did them--only because these wrongs not having yet come +under the cognizance of law had not yet come to be considered +disgraceful? Therewith she felt nearer to her poor than ever before, and +it comforted her. The bare soul of humanity comforted her. She was not +merely of the same flesh and blood with them--not even of the same soul +and spirit only, but of the same failing, sinning, blundering breed; and +that not alone in the general way of sin, ever and again forsaking the +fountain of living water, and betaking herself to some cistern, but in +their individual sins was she not their near relative? Their shame was +hers: the son of her mother, the son of her father was a thief! She was +and would be more one with them than ever before! If they made less of +crime in another, they also made less of innocence from it in +themselves! Was it not even better to do wrong, she asked herself, than +to think it a very grand thing not to do it? What merit was there in +being what it would be contemptible not to be? The Lord Christ could get +nearer to the publican than the Pharisee, to the woman that was a sinner +than the self-righteous honest woman! The Pharisee was a good man, but +he thought it such a fine thing to be good that God did not like him +nearly so well as the other who thought it a sad thing to be bad! Let +her but get among her nice, honest, wicked poor ones, out of this +atmosphere of pretence and appearance, and she would breathe again! She +dropped upon her knees, and cried to her Father in heaven to make her +heart clean altogether, to deliver her from everything mean and +faithless, to make her turn from any shadow of ill as thoroughly as she +would have her brother repent of the stealing that made them all so +ashamed. Like a woman in the wrong she drew nigh the feet of her master; +she too was a sinner; her heart needed his cleansing as much as any! + +And with that came another God-given thought of self-accusing. For +suddenly she perceived that self had been leading her astray: she was +tender towards those farther from her, hard towards the one nearer to +her! It was easy to be indulgent towards those whose evil did not touch +herself: to the son of her own mother she was severe and indignant! If +she condemned him, who would help his mother to give him the love of +which he stood in the sorer need that he was unworthy of it? Corney whom +she had nursed as a baby--who used to crow when she appeared--could it +be that she who had then loved him so dearly had ceased and was loving +him no more? True, he had grown to be teasing and trying in every way, +seeming to despise her and all women together; but was not that part of +the evil disease that clung fast to him? If God were to do like her, how +many would be giving honour to his Son? But God knew all the +difficulties that beset men, and gave them fair play when sisters did +not: he would redeem Corney yet! But was it possible he should ever wake +to see how ugly his conduct had been? It _seemed_ impossible; but +surely there were powers in God's heart that had not yet been brought to +bear upon him! Perhaps this, was one of them--letting him disgrace +himself! If he could but be made ashamed of himself there would be hope! +And in the meantime she must get the beam out of her own eye, that she +might see to take the mote or the beam, whichever it might be, out of +Corney's! Again she fell upon her knees, and prayed God to enable her. +Corney was her brother, and must for ever be her brother, were he the +worst thief under the sun! God would see to their honor or disgrace; +what she had to do was to be a sister! She rose determined that she +would not go home till she had done all she could to find him; that the +judgment of God should henceforth alone be hers, and the judgment of the +world nothing to her for evermore. + +Presently the fact, which had at various times cast a dim presence up +her horizon without thoroughly attracting her attention, became plain to +her--that she had in part been drawn towards her lover because of his +social position. Certainly without loving him, she would never have +consented to marry him for that, but had she not come the more readily +to love him because of that? Had it not passed him within certain +defences which would otherwise have held out? Had he not been an earl in +prospect, were there not some things in him which would have more +repelled her, as not manifesting the highest order of humanity? Would +she, for instance, but for that, have tried so much to like his verses? +Clearly she must take her place with the sinners! + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + +A TALK WITH THE MAJOR. + + +While she meditated thus, major Marvel made his appearance. He had been +watching outside, saw her uncle go, and an hour after was shown to the +room where she still sat, staring out on the frosty trees of the square. + +"Why, my child," he said, with almost paternal tenderness, "your hand is +as cold as ice! Why do you sit so far from the fire?" + +She rose and went to the fire with him. He put her in an easy chair, and +sat down beside her. Common, pudgy, red-faced, bald-headed as he was, +she come to him, and that out of regions of deepest thought, with a +sense of refuge. He could scarcely have understood one of her +difficulties, would doubtless have judged not a few of her scruples +nonsensical and over-driven; yet knowing this it was a comfort to her to +come from those regions back to a mere, honest, human heart--to feel a +human soul in a human body nigh her. For the mere human is divine, +though not _the_ divine, and to the mere human essential comfort. +Should relations be broken between her and lord Gartley, she knew it +would delight the major; yet she was able to look upon him as a friend +in whom she could trust. Unity of _opinion_ is not necessary to +confident friendship and warm love. + +As they talked, the major, seeing she was much depressed, and thinking +to draw her from troubled thought, began to tell her some of the more +personal parts of his history, and in these she soon became so +interested that she began to ask him questions, and drew from him much +that he would never have thought of volunteering. Before their talk was +over, she had come to regard the man as she could not have imagined it +possible she should. She had looked upon him as a man of so many and +such redeeming qualities, that his faults must be over-looked and +himself defended from any overweighing of them; but now she felt him a +man to be looked up to--almost revered. It was true that every now and +then some remark would reveal in him a less than attractive commonness +of thinking; and that his notions in religion were of the crudest, for +he regarded it as a set of doctrines--not a few of them very +dishonouring to God; yet was the man in a high sense a true man. There +is nothing shows more how hard it has been for God to redeem the world +than the opinions still uttered concerning him and his so-called +_plans_ by many who love him and try to obey him: a man may be in +possession of the most precious jewels, and yet know so little about +them that his description of them would never induce a jeweller to +purchase them, but on the contrary make him regard the man as a fool, +deceived with bits of coloured glass for rubies and sapphires. Major +Marvel was not of such. He knew nothing of the slang of the Pharisees, +knew little of the language of either the saints or the prophets, had, +like most Christians, many worldly ways of looking at things, and yet I +think our Lord would have said there was no guile in him. + +With her new insight into the man's character came to Hester the +question whether she would not be justified in taking him into her +confidence with regard to Cornelius. She had received no injunctions to +secrecy from her father: neither he nor her mother ever thought of such +a thing with her; they knew she was to be trusted as they were +themselves to be trusted. Her father had taken no step towards any +effort for the rescue of his son, and she would sorely need help in what +she must herself try to do. She could say nothing to the major about +lord Gartley, or the influence her brother's behaviour might have on her +future: that would not be fair either to Gartley or to the major; but +might she not ask him to help her to find Corney? She was certain he +would be prudent and keep quiet whatever ought to be kept quiet; while +on the other hand her father had spoken as if he would have nothing of +it all concealed. She told him the whole story, hiding nothing that she +knew. Hardly could she restrain her tears as she spoke, but she ended +without having shed one. The major had said nothing, betrayed nothing, +only listened intently. + +"My dear Hester," he said solemnly, after a few moments' pause, "the +mysteries of creation are beyond me!" + +Hester thought the remark irrelevant, but waited. "It's such a mixture!" +he went on. "There is your mother, the loveliest woman except yourself +God ever made! Then comes Cornelius--a--well!--Then comes yourself! and +then little Mark! a child--I will not say too good to live--God +forbid!--but too good for any of the common uses of this world! I declare +to you I am terrified when left alone with him, and keep wishing for +somebody to come into the room!" + +"What about him terrifies you?" asked Hester, amused at the idea, in +spite of the gnawing unrest at her heart. + +"To answer you," replied the major, "I must think a bit! Let me see! Let +me see! Yes! it must be that! I am ashamed to confess it, but to a saint +one must speak the truth: I believe in my heart it is simply fear lest I +should find I must give up everything and do as I know he is thinking I +ought." + +"And what is that?" + +"Turn a saint like him." + +"And why should you be afraid of that?" + +"Well, you see, I'm not the stuff that saints--good saints, I mean, are +made of; and rather than not be a good one, if I once set about it, I +would, saving your presence, be the devil himself." + +Hester laughed, yet with some self-accusation. + +"I think," she said softly, "one day you will be as good a saint as love +can wish you to be." + +"Give me time; give me time, I beg," cried the major, wiping his +forehead, and evidently in some perturbation. "I would not willingly +begin anything I should disgrace, for that would be to disgrace myself, +and I never had any will to that, though the old ladies of our village +used to say I was born without any shame. But the main cause of my +unpopularity was that I hated humbug--and I do hate humbug, cousin +Hester, and shall hate it till I die--and so want to steer clear of it." + +"I hate it, I hope, as much as you do, major Marvel," responded Hester. +"But, whatever it may be mixed up with, what is true, you know, cannot +be humbug, and what is not true cannot be anything else than humbug." + +"Yes, yes! but how is one to know what is true, my dear? There are so +many differing claims to the quality!" + +"I have been told, and I believe it with all my heart," replied Hester, +"that the only way to know what is true is to do what is true." + +"But you must know what is true before you can begin to do what is +true." + +"Everybody knows something that is true to do--that is, something he +ought to lose no time in setting about. The true thing to any man is the +thing that must not be let alone but done. It is much easier to know +what is true to do than what is true to think. But those who do the one +will come to know the other--and none else, I believe." + +The major was silent, and sat looking very thoughtful. At last he rose. + +"Is there anything you want me to do in this sad affair, cousin Hester?" +he said. + +"I want your help to find my brother." + +"Why should you want to find him? You cannot do him any good!" + +"Who can tell that? If Christ came to seek and save his lost, we ought +to seek and save our lost." + +"Young men don't go wrong for the mere sake of going wrong: you may find +him in such a position as will make it impossible for you to have +anything to do with him." + +"You know that line of Spenser's.-- + + Entire affection hateth nicer hands'?" + +asked Hester. + +"No, I don't know it; and I don't know that I understand it now you tell +it me," replied the major, just a little crossly, for he did not like +poetry; it was one of his bugbear humbugs. "But one thing is plain: you +must not expose yourself to what in such a search would be unavoidable." + +The care of men over some women would not seldom be ludicrous but for +the sad suggested contrast of their carelessness over others. + +"Answer me one question, dear major Marvel," said Hester: "Which is in +most danger from disease--the healthy or the sickly?" + +"That's a question for the doctor," he answered cautiously; "and I don't +believe he knows anything about it either. What it has to do with the +matter in hand I cannot think." + +Hester saw it was not for her now to pursue the argument. And one would +almost imagine it scarce needed pursuing! For who shall walk safe in the +haunts of evil but those upon whom, being pure, evil has no hold? The +world's notions of purity are simply childish--because it is not itself +pure. You might well suppose its cherished ones on the brink of all +corruption, so much afraid does it seem of having them tainted _before +their time_. Sorry would one be, but for the sake of those for whom +Christ died, that any woman should be pained with the sight of evil, but +the true woman may, even like God himself, know all evil and remain just +as lovely, as clean, as angelic and worshipful as any child in the +simplest country home. The idea of a woman like Hester being _in any +sense_ defiled by knowing what her Lord knows while she fills up what +is left behind of the sufferings of Christ for her to suffer for the +sake of his world, is contemptible. As wrong melts away and vanishes in +the heart of Christ, so does the impurity she encounters vanish in the +heart of the pure woman: it is there burned up. + +"I hardly see what is to be done," said the major, after a moment's +silence. "What do you say to an advertisement in _The Times_, to +the effect that, if C. R. will return to his family, all will be +forgiven?" + +"That I must not, dare not do. There is surely some other way of finding +persons without going to the police!" + +"What do you think your father would like done?" + +"I do not know; but as I am Corney's sister, I will venture as a sister +may. I think my father will be pleased in the end, but I will risk his +displeasure for the sake of my brother. If my father were to cast him +off, would you say I was bound to cast him off?" + +"I dare say nothing where you are sure, Hester. My only anxiety would be +whether you thoroughly knew what you were about." + +"If one were able to look upon the question of life or death as a mere +candle-flame in the sun of duty, would she not at least be more likely +to do right than wrong?" + +"If the question were put about a soldier I should feel surer how to +answer you," replied the major. "But you are so much better than I--you +go upon such different tactics, that we can hardly, I fear, bring our +troops right in front of each other.--I will do what I can for +you--though I greatly fear your brother will never prove worth the +trouble." + +"People have repented who have gone as far wrong as Corney," said +Hester, with the tears in her voice it not in her eyes. + +"True!" responded the major; "but I don't believe he has character +enough to repent of anything. He will be fertile enough in excuse! But I +will do what I can to find out where he is." + +Hester heartily thanked him, and he took his leave. + +Her very estrangement from him, the thought of her mother's misery and +the self-condemnation that must overtake her father if he did nothing, +urged her to find Cornelius. But if she found him, what would come of +it? Was he likely to go home with her? How would he be received if he +did go home? and if not, what was she to do with or for him? Was he to +keep the money so vilely appropriated? And what was he to do when it was +spent? If want would drive him home, the sooner he came to it the +better! We pity the prodigal with his swine, but then first a ray of +hope begins to break through the darkness of his fate. + +To do nothing was nearly unendurable, and she saw nothing to do. She +could only wait, and it took all the patience and submission she could +find. She wrote to her father, told him what there was to tell, and +ended her letter with a message to her mother:--"Tell darling mother," +she said, "that what a sister can do, up to the strength God gives her, +shall be done for my brother. Major Marvel is doing his best to find +him." + +Next day she heard from her father that her mother was slowly +recovering; and on the following day that her letter was a great comfort +to her; but beyond this he made no remark. Even his silence however was +something of a relief to Hester. + +In the meantime she was not idle. Hers was not the nature even in grief +to sit still. The moment she had dispatched her letter, she set out to +visit her poor friends. On her way she went into Mrs. Baldwin's shop and +had a little talk with her, in the course of which she asked if she had +ever heard anything more of the Frankses. Mrs. Baldwin replied that she +had once or twice heard of their being seen in the way of their +profession; but feared they were not getting on. Hester was sorry, but +had many more she knew better to think of. + +There was much rejoicing at her return. But there were changes--new +faces where she had left friends, and not the best news of some who +remained. One or two were in prison of whom when she left she was in +great hope. One or two were getting on better in the sense of this +world, but she could see nothing in themselves to make her glad of their +"good luck." One who had signed the pledge some time before she went, +had broken out fearfully, and all but killed his wife. One of whom she +had been hopeful, had disappeared--it was supposed with another man's +wife. In spite of their sufferings the evil one seemed as busy among +them as among the world's elect. + +The little ones came about her again, but with less confidence, both +because she had been away, and because they had grown more than they had +improved. But soon things were nearly on the old footing with them. + +Every day she went among them. Certain of the women--chiefly those who +had suffered most with least fault--were as warmly her friends as +before. Amongst them was just one who had some experience of the +Christian life, and she had begun to learn long before Hester came to +know her: she did not seem, however, to have gained any influence even +with those who lived in the same house; only who can trace the slow +working of leaven? + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +RENCONTRES. + + +There was no news of Cornelius. In vain the detective to whom the major +had made liberal promises continued his inquiries. There was a rumour of +a young woman in whose company he had lately been seen, but she too had +disappeared from public sight. + +Sarah did her best to make Hester comfortable, and behaved the better +that she was humbled by the consciousness of having made a bad job of +her caretaking with Cornelius. + +One afternoon--it had rained, but the sun was now shining, and Hester's +heart felt lighter as she took deep breaths of the clean-washed air--she +turned into a passage to visit the wife of a book-binder who had been +long laid up with rheumatism so severe as to render him quite unable to +work. + +They had therefore been on the borders of want, and for Hester it was +one of those happy cases in which she felt at full liberty to help with +money. The part of the house occupied by them was pretty decent, but the +rest of it was in bad repair and occupied by yet poorer people, of none +of whom she knew much. + +It was in fact a little way beyond what she had come to count her limit. + +She knocked at the door. It was opened by the parish doctor. + +"You cannot come in, Miss Raymount," he said. "We have a very bad case +of small-pox here. You good ladies must make up your minds to keep away +from these parts for a while. Their bodies are in more danger than their +souls now." + +"That may very well be," replied Hester. "My foot may be in more danger +than my head, but I can better afford to lose the one than the other." + +The doctor did not see the point, and thought there was none. + +"You will only carry the infection," he said. + +"I will take every precaution," answered Hester. "I always take more, I +am certain, than it can be possible for you to take. Why should not I +also do my part to help them through?" + +"While the parish is in my care," answered the doctor, "I must object to +whatever increases the risk of infection. It is hard while we are doing +all we can to stamp out the disease, to have you, with the best of +motives I admit, carrying it from one house to another. How are we to +keep it out of the West End, if you ladies carry the seeds of it?" + +The hard-worked man spoke with some heat. + +"So the poor brothers are to be left for fear of hurting the rich ones?" + +"That's not fair--you know it is not!" said the doctor. "We are set here +to fight the disease, and fight it we must." + +"And I am set here to fight something worse," returned Hester with a +smile. + +The doctor came out and shut the door. + +"I must beg of you to go away," he said. "I shall be compelled to +mention in my report how you and other ladies add to our difficulties." + +He slipped in again and closed the door. Hester turned and went down the +stair, now on her part a little angry. She knew it was no use thinking +when she was angry, for when the anger was gone she almost always +thought otherwise. The first thing was to get rid of the anger. +Instinctively she sat down and began to sing; it was not the first time +she had sat and sung in a dirty staircase. It was not a wise thing to +do, but her anger prevented her from seeing its impropriety. + +In great cities the children are like flies, gathering swiftly as from +out of the unseen: in a moment the stair below was half-filled with +them. The tenants above opened their doors and came down. Others came in +from the street and were pushed up by those who came behind them. The +stair and entrance were presently filled with people, all shabby, and +almost all dirty--men and women, young and old, good and bad, listening +to the voice of the singing lady, as she was called in the +neighborhood. + +By this time the doctor had finished his visit at the bookbinder's, and +appeared on the stair above. He had heard the singing, and thought it +was in the street; now he learnt it was actually in the house, and had +filled it with people! It was no wonder, especially when he saw who the +singer was, that he should lose his temper. Through the few women and +children above where Hester sat, he made his way towards the crowd of +faces below. When he reached her he seized her arm from behind and began +to raise at once and push her down the stair. He, too, was an enthusiast +in his way. Some of the faces below grew red with anger, and their eyes +flamed at the doctor. A loud murmur arose, and several began to force +their way up to rescue her, as they would one of their own from the +police. But Hester, the moment she saw who it was that had laid hold of +her, rose and began to descend the stair, closely followed by the +doctor. It was not easy; and the annoyance of a good many in the crowd, +some because Hester was their friend, others because the doctor had +stopped the singing, gave a disorderly and indeed rather threatening +look to the assemblage. + +As she reached the door she saw, on the opposite side of the crowded +passage, the pale face and glittering eyes of Mr. Blaney looking at her +over the heads between. The little man was mounted on a box at the door +of a shop whose trade seemed to be in withered vegetables and salt fish, +and had already had the pint which, according to his brother-in-law, was +more than he could stand. + +"Sarves you right, miss," he cried, when he saw who was the centre of +the commotion; "sarves you right! You turned me out o' your house for +singin', an' I don't see why you should come a singin' an' a misbehavin' +of yourself in ourn! Jest you bring her out here, pleeceman, an' let me +give her a bit o' my mind. Oh, don't you be afeared, I won't hurt her! +Not in all my life did I ever once hurt a woman--bless 'em! But it's +time the gentry swells knowed as how we're yuman bein's as well as +theirselves. We don't like, no more'n they would theirselves, havin' our +feelin's hurt for the sake o' what they calls bein' done good to. Come +you along down over here, miss!" + +The crowd had been gathering from both ends of the passage, for high +words draw yet faster than sweet singing, and the place was so full that +it was hardly possible to get out of it. The doctor was almost wishing +he had let ill alone, for he was now anxious about Hester. Some of the +rougher ones began pushing. The vindictive little man kept bawling, his +mouth screwed into the middle of his cheek. From one of the cross +entrances of the passage came the pulse of a fresh tide of would-be +spectators, causing the crowd to sway hither and thither. All at once +Hester spied a face she knew, considerably changed as it was since last +she had seen it. + +"Now we shall have help!" she said to her companion, making common cause +with him notwithstanding his antagonism. "--Mr. Franks!" + +The athlete was not so far off that she needed to call very loud. He +heard and started with eager interest. He knew the voice, sent his eyes +looking and presently found her who called him. With his great lean +muscular arms he sent the crowd right and left like water, and reached +her in a moment. + +"Come! come! don't you hurt her!" shouted Mr. Blaney from the top of his +box. "She ain't nothing to you. She's a old friend o' mine, an' I ain't +a goin' to see her hurt." + +"You shut up!" bawled Franks, "or I'll finish the pancake you was meant +for." + +Then turning to Hester, who had begun to be a little afraid he too had +been drinking, he pulled off his fur cap, and making the lowest and +politest of stage bows, said briefly, + +"Miss Raymount--at your service, miss!" + +"I am very glad to see you again, Mr. Franks," said Hester. "Do you +think you could get us out of the crowd?" + +"Easy, miss. I'll _carry_ you out of it like a baby, miss, if +you'll let me." + +"No, no; that will hardly be necessary," returned Hester, with a smile. + +"Go on before, and make a way for us," said the doctor, with an +authority he had no right to assume. + +"There is not the least occasion for you to trouble yourself about me +farther," said Hester. "I am perfectly safe with this man. I know him +very well. I am sorry to have vexed you." + +Franks looked up sharply at the doctor, as if to see whether he dared +acknowledge a claim to the apology; then turning to Hester,-- + +"Nobody 'ain't ha' been finding fault with you, miss?" he said--a little +ominously. + +"Not more than I deserved," replied Hester. "But come, Franks! lead the +way, or all Bloomsbury will be here, and then the police! I shouldn't +like to be shut up for offending Mr. Blaney!" + +Those near them heard and laughed. She took Franks's arm. Room was +speedily made before them, and in a minute they were out of the crowd, +and in one of the main thoroughfares. + +But as if everybody she knew was going to appear, who should meet them +face to face as they turned into Steevens's Road, with a fringe of the +crowd still at their heels, but lord Gartley! He had written from town, +and Mrs. Raymount had let him know that Hester was in London, for she +saw that the sooner she had an opportunity of telling him what had +happened the better. His lordship went at once to Addison square, and +had just left the house disappointed when he met Hester leaning on +Franks's arm. + +"Miss Raymount!" he exclaimed almost haughtily. + +"My lord!" she returned, with unmistakable haughtiness, drawing herself +up, and looking him in the face, hers glowing. + +"Who would have expected to see you here?" he said. + +"Apparently yourself, my lord!" + +He tried to laugh. + +"Come then; I will see you home," he said. + +"Thank you, my lord. Come, Franks." + +As she spoke she looked round, but Franks was gone. Finding she had met +one of her own family, as he supposed, he had quietly withdrawn: the +moment he was no longer wanted, he grew ashamed, and felt shabby. But he +lingered round a corner near, to be certain she was going to be taken +care of, till seeing them walk away together he was satisfied, and went +with a sigh. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + +IN THE HOUSE. + + +The two were silent on their way, but from different causes. Lord +Gartley was uneasy at finding Hester in such a position--led into it by +her unreflecting sympathies, no doubt, so unbefitting the present +century of the world's history! He had gathered from the looks and words +of the following remnants of the crowd that she had been involved in +some street-quarrel--trying to atone it no doubt, or to separate the +combatants. For a woman of her refinement, she had the strangest +proclivity for low company! + +Hester was silent, thinking how to begin her communication about +Cornelius. Uncomfortable from the contretemps, as well as from what she +had now to do, and irritated at the tone in which his lordship had +expressed the surprise he could not help feeling at sight of her so +accompanied and attended, she had felt for a moment as if the best thing +would be to break with him at once. But she was too just, had she not +had too much regard for him, to do so. She felt, however, for that one +moment very plainly, that the relation between them was far from the +ideal. Another thing was yet clearer: if he could feel such surprise and +annoyance at the circumstances in which he had just met her, it would be +well to come to a clearer understanding at once concerning her +life-ideal and projects. But she would make up her mind to nothing till +she saw how he was going to carry himself now his surprise had had time +to pass off: perhaps it would not be necessary to tell him anything +about Corney! they might part upon other grounds! In the one case it +would be she, in the other it would be he that broke off the engagement: +she would rather it were his doing than hers! No doubt she would stand +better in the eyes of the world if she dismissed him; but that was an +aspect of the affair she would never have deigned to heed had it +presented itself. + +These thoughts, with what of ratiocination was in them, hardly passed +through her mind; it was filled, rather, with a confused mass of tangled +thought and feeling, which tossed about in it like the nets of a fishing +fleet rolled together by a storm. + +Not before they reached the house did lord Gartley speak, and Hester +began to wonder if he might not already have heard of Cornelius. It was +plain he was troubled; plain too he was only waiting for the coverture +of the house to speak. It should be easy, oh, very easy for him to get +rid of her. He need not be anxious about that! + +It was doubtless shock upon shock to the sensitive nature of his +lordship to find, when they reached the house, that, instead of ringing +the bell, she took a latch-key from her pocket, opened the door herself, +and herself closed it behind them. It was just as a bachelor might enter +his chambers! It did not occur to him that it was just such as his +bachelor that ought not to have the key, and such as Hester that ought +to have it, to let them come and go as the angels. She led the way up +the stair. Not a movement of life was audible in the house! The +stillness was painful. + +"Did no one come up with you?" he asked. + +"No one but major Marvel," she answered, and opened the door of the +drawing-room. + +As she opened it, she woke to the consciousness that she was very cross, +and in a mood to make her unfair to Gartley: the moment she had closed +it, she turned to him and said, + +"Forgive me, Gartley; I am in trouble; we are all in trouble. When I +have told you about it, I shall be more at ease." + +Without preamble, or any attempt to influence the impression of the +dreadful news, she began her story, softening the communication only by +making it as the knowledge had come to her--telling first her mother's +distress at Sarah's letter, then the contents of that letter, and then +those of her uncle's. She could not have done it with greater fairness +to her friend: his practised self-control had opportunity for perfect +operation. But the result was more to her satisfaction than she could +have dared to hope. He held out his hand with a smile, and said, + +"I am very sorry. What is there I can do?" + +She looked up in his eyes. They were looking down kindly and lovingly. + +"Then--then--," she said, "you don't--I mean there's no--I mean, you +don't feel differently towards me?" + +"Towards you, my angel!" exclaimed Gartley, and held out his arms. + +She threw herself into them, and clung to him. It was the first time +either of them had shown anything approaching to _abandon_. +Gartley's heart swelled with delight, translating her confidence into +his power. He was no longer the second person in the compact, but had +taken the place belonging to the male contracting party! For he had been +painfully conscious now and then that he played but second fiddle. + +They sat down and talked the whole thing over. + +Now that Hester was at peace she began to look at it from Gartley's +point of view. + +"I am so sorry for you!" she said. "It is very sad you should have to +marry into a family so disgraced. What _will_ your aunt say?" + +"My aunt will treat the affair like the sensible woman she is," replied +the earl. "But there is no fear of disgrace; the thing will never be +known. Besides, where is the family that hasn't one or more such loose +fishes about in its pond? The fault was committed inside the family too, +and that makes a great difference. It is not as if he'd been betting, +and couldn't pay up!" + +From the heaven of her delight Hester fell prone. Was this the way her +almost husband looked at these things? But, poor fellow! how could he +help looking at them so? Was it not thus he had been from earliest +childhood taught to look at them? The greater was his need of all she +could do for him! He was so easy to teach anything! What she saw clear +as day it could not be hard to communicate to one who loved as he loved! +She would say nothing now--would let him see no sign of disappointment +in her! + +"If he don't improve," continued his lordship, "we must get him out of +the country. In the meantime he will go home, and not a suspicion will +be roused. What else should he do, with such a property to look after?" + +"My father will not see it so," answered Hester. "I doubt if he will +ever speak to him again. Certainly he will not except he show some +repentance." + +"Has your father refused to have him home?" + +"He has not had the chance. Nobody knows what has become of him." + +"He'll have to condone, or compromise, or compound, or what do they call +it, for the sake of his family--for your sake, and my sake, my darling! +He can't be so vindictive as expose his own son! We won't think more +about it! Let us talk of ourselves!" + +"If only we could find him!" returned Hester. + +"Depend upon it he is not where you would like to find him. Men don't +come to grief without help! We must wait till he turns up." + +Far as this was from her purpose, Hester was not inclined to argue the +point: she could not expect him or any one out of their own family to be +much interested in the fate of Cornelius. They began to talk about other +things; and if they were not the things Hester would most readily have +talked about, neither were they the things lord Gartley had entered the +house intending to talk about. He too had been almost angry, only by +nature he was cool and even good-tempered. To find Hester, the moment +she came back to London, and now in the near prospect of marriage with +himself, yielding afresh to a diseased fancy of doing good; to come upon +her in the street of a low neighbourhood, followed by a low crowd, +supported and championed by a low fellow--well, it was not agreeable! +His high breeding made him mind it less than a middle-class man of like +character would have done; but with his cold dislike to all that was +poor and miserable, he could not fail to find it annoying, and had +entered the house intending to exact a promise for the future--not the +future after marriage, for a change then went without saying. + +But when he had heard her trouble, and saw how deeply it affected her, +he knew this was not the time to say what he had meant; and there was +the less occasion now that he was near to take care of her! + +He had risen to go, and was about to take a loving farewell, when +Hester, suddenly remembering, drew back, with almost a guilty look. + +"Oh, Gartley!" she said, "I thought not to have let you come near me! +Not that _I_ am afraid of anything! But you came upon me so +unexpectedly! It is all very well for one's self, but one ought to heed +what other people may think!" + +"What _can_ you mean, Hester?" exclaimed Gartley, and would have +laid his hand on her arm, but again she drew back. + +"There was small-pox in the house I had just left when you met me," she +said. + +He started back and stood speechless--manifesting therein no more +cowardice than everyone in his circle would have justified: was it not +reasonable and right he should be afraid? was it not a humiliation to be +created subject to such a loathsome disease? The disgrace of fearing +anything except doing wrong, few human beings are capable of conceiving, +fewer still of actually believing. + +"Has it never occurred to you what you are doing in going to such +places, Hester?" he faltered. "It is a treachery against every social +claim. I am sorry to use such hard words, but--really--I--I--cannot help +being a little surprised at you! I thought you had more--more--sense!" + +"I am sorry to have frightened you." + +"Frightened!" repeated Gartley, with an attempt at a smile, which closed +in a yet more anxious look, "--you do indeed frighten me! The whole +world would agree you give me good cause to be frightened. I should +never have thought _you_ capable of showing such a lack of +principle. Don't imagine I am thinking of myself; _you_ are in most +danger! Still, you may carry the infection without taking it yourself!" + +"I didn't know it was there when I went to the house--only I should have +gone all the same," said Hester. "But if seeing you so suddenly had not +made me forget, I should have had a bath as soon as I got home. I +_am_ sorry I let you come near me!" + +"One has no right either to take or carry infection," insisted lord +Gartley, perhaps a little glad of the height upon which an opportunity +of finding fault set him for the first time above her. "But there is no +time to talk about it now. I hope you will use what preventives you can. +It is very wrong to trifle with such things!" + +"Indeed it is!" answered Hester; "and I say again I am sorry I forgot. +You see how it was--don't you? It was you made me forget!" + +But his lordship was by no means now in a smiling mood. He bade her a +somewhat severe good night, then hesitated, and thinking it hardly +signified now, and he must not look too much afraid, held out his hand. +But Hester drew back a third time, saying, "No, no; you must not," and +with solemn bow he turned and went, his mind full of conflicting +feelings and perplexing thoughts:--What a glorious creature she +was!--and what a dangerous! He recalled the story of the young woman +brought up on poisons, whom no man could come near but at the risk of +his life. What a spirit she had! but what a pity it was so ill-directed! +It was horrible to think of her going into such abominable places--and +all alone too! How ill she had been trained!--in such utter disregard of +social obligation and the laws of nature! It was preposterous! He little +thought what risks he ran when he fell in love with _her_! If he +got off now without an attack he would be lucky! But--good heavens! if +she were to take it herself! "I wonder when she was last vaccinated!" he +said. "I was last year; I daresay I'm all right! But if she were to die, +or lose her complexion, I should kill myself! I know I should!" Would +honor compel him to marry her if she were horribly pock-marked? Those +dens ought to be rooted out! Philanthropy was gone mad! It was strict +repression that was wanted! To sympathize with people like that was only +to encourage them! Vice was like hysterics--the more kindness you showed +the worse grew the patient! They took it all as their right! And the +more you gave, the more they demanded--never showing any gratitude so +far as he knew! + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + +THE MAJOR AND THE SMALL-POX. + + +His lordship was scarcely gone when the major came. So closely did the +appearance of the one follow on the disappearance of the other, that +there was ground for suspecting the major had seen his lordship enter +the house, and had been waiting and watching till he was gone. But she +was not yet to be seen: she had no fear of the worst small-pox could do +to her, yet was taking what measures appeared advisable for her +protection. Her fearlessness came from no fancied absence of danger, but +from an utter disbelief in chance. The same and only faith that would +have enabled him to face the man-eating tiger, enabled her to face the +small-pox; if she did die by going into such places, it was all right. + +For aught I know there may be a region whose dwellers are so little +capable of being individually cared for, that they are left to the +action of mere general laws as sufficient for what for the time can be +done for them. Such may well to themselves seem to be blown about by all +the winds of chaos and the limbo--which winds they call chance? Even +then and there it is God who has ordered all the generals of their +condition, and when they are sick of it, will help them out of it. One +thing is sure--that God is doing his best for _every_ man. + +The major sat down and waited. + +"I am at my wits' end!" he said, when she entered the room. "I can't +find the fellow! That detective's a muff! He ain't got a trace of him +yet! I must put on another!--Don't you think you had better go home? I +will do what can be done, you may be sure!" + +"I _am_ sure," answered Hester. "But mamma is better; so long as I +am away papa will not leave her; and she would rather have papa than a +dozen of me." + +"But it must be so dreary for you--here alone all day!" he said, with a +touch of malice. + +"I go about among my people," she answered. + +"Ah! ah!" he returned. "Then I hope you will be careful what houses you +go into, for I hear the small-pox is in the neighborhood." + +"I have just come from a house where it is now," she answered. The major +rose in haste. "--But," she went on, "I have changed all my clothes, and +had a bath since." + +The major sat down again. + +"My dear young lady!" he said, the roses a little ashy on his +cheek-bones, "do you know what you are about?" + +"I hope I do--I _think_ I do" she answered. + +"Hope! Think!" repeated the major indignantly. + +"Well, _believe_," said Hester. + +"Come, come!" he rejoined with rudeness, "you may hope or think or +believe what you like, but you have no business to act but on what you +_know_." + +"I suppose you never act where you do not know!" returned Hester. "You +always _know_ you will win the battle, kill the tiger, take the +small-pox, and be the worse for it?" + +"It's all very well for you to laugh!" returned the major; "but what is +to become of us if you take the small-pox! Why, my dear cousin, you +might lose every scrap of your good looks!" + +"And then who on earth would care for me any more!" said Hester, with +mock mournfulness, which brought a glimmer of the merry light back to +the major's face. + +"But really, Hester," he persisted, "this is most imprudent. It is your +life, not your beauty only you are periling!" + +"Perhaps," she answered. + +"And the lives of us all!" added the major. + +"Is the small-pox worse than a man-eating tiger?" she asked. + +"Ten times worse," he answered. "You can fight the tiger, but you can't +fight the small-pox. You really ought _not_ to run such fearful +risks." + +"How are they to be avoided? Every time you send for the doctor you run +a risk! You can't order a clean doctor every time!" + +"A joke's all very well! but it is our duty to take care of ourselves." + +"In reason, yes," replied Hester. + +"You may think," said the major, "that God takes special care of you +because you are about his business--and far be it from me to say you are +not about his business or that he does not take care of you; but what is +to become of me and the like of me if we take the small-pox from you?" + +Hester had it on her lips to say that if he was meant to die of the +small-pox, he might as well take it of her as of another; but she said +instead that she was sure God took care of her, but not sure she should +not die of the small-pox. + +"How can you say God takes care of you if he lets you die of the +small-pox!" + +"No doubt people would die if God forgot them, but do you think people +die because God forgets them?" + +"My dear cousin Hester, if there is one thing I have a _penchant_ +for, it is common sense! A paradox I detest with my whole soul!" + +"One word, dear major Marvel: Did God take care of Jesus?" + +"Of course! of course! But he wasn't like other men, you know." + +"I don't want to fare better, that is, I don't want to have more of +God's care than he had." + +"I don't understand you. I should think if we were sure God took as good +care of us as of him--" + +But there he stopped, for he began to have a glimmer of where she was +leading him. + +"Did he keep him what you call safe?" said Hester. "Did he not allow the +worst man could do to overtake him? Was it not the very consequence of +his obedience?" + +"Then you have made up your mind to die of the small-pox?--In that +case----" + +"Only if it be God's will," interrupted Hester. + +"To that, and that alone, have I made up my mind. If I die of the +small-pox, it will not be because it could not be helped, or because I +caught it by chance; it will be because God allowed it as best for me +and for us all. It will not be a punishment for breaking his laws: he +loves none better, I believe, than those who break the laws of nature to +fulfil the laws of the spirit--which is the deeper nature, 'the nature +naturing nature,' as I read the other day: of course it sounds nonsense +to anyone who does not understand it." + +"That's your humble servant," said the major. "I haven't a notion what +you or the author you quote means, though I don't doubt both of you mean +well, and that you are a most courageous and indeed heroic young woman. +For all that it is time your friends interfered; and I am going to write +by the next post to let your father know how you are misbehaving +yourself." + +"They will not believe me quite so bad as I fear you will represent me." + +"I don't know. I must write anyhow." + +"That they may order me home to give them the small-pox? Wouldn't it be +better to wait and be sure I had not taken it already? Your letter, too, +might carry the infection. I think you had better not write." + +"You persist in making fun of it! I say again it is not a thing to be +joked about," remarked the major, looking red. + +"I think," returned Hester, "whoever lives in terror of infection had +better take it and have done with it. I know I would rather die than +live in the fear of death. It is the meanest of slaveries. At least, to +live a slave to one's fears is next worst to living a slave to one's +likings. Do as you please, major Marvel, but I give you warning that if +you interpose--I will not say _interfere_--because you do it all +for kindness--but if you interpose, I will never ask you to help me +again; I will never let you know what I am doing, or come to you for +advice, lest, instead of assisting me, you should set about preventing +me from doing what I may have to do." + +She held out her hand to him, adding with a smile: + +"Is it for good-bye, or a compact?" + +"But just look at it from my point of view," said the major, disturbed +by the appeal. "What will your father say if he finds me aiding and +abetting?" + +"You did not come up at my father's request, or from the least desire on +his part to have me looked after. You were not put in charge of me, and +have no right to suppose me doing anything my parents would not like. +They never objected to my going among my friends as I thought fit. +Possibly they had more faith in my good sense, knowing me better than +major Marvel." + +"But when one sees you doing the thing that is plainly wrong----" + +"If it be so plainly wrong, how is it that I who am really anxious to do +right, should not see it wrong? Why should you think me less likely to +know what is right than you, major Marvel?" + +"I give in," said the major, "and will abide by the consequences." + +"But you shall not needlessly put yourself in danger. You must not come +to me except I send for you. If you hear anything of Corney, write, +please." + +"You don't imagine," cried the major, firing up, "that I am going to +turn tail where you advance? I'm not going to run from the small-pox any +more than you. So long as he don't get on my back to hunt other people, +I don't care. By George! you women have more courage ten times than we +men!" + +"What we've got to do we just go and do, without thinking about danger. +I believe it is often the best wisdom to be blind and let God be our +eyes as well as our shield. But would it be right of you, not called to +the work, to put yourself in danger because you would not be out where I +am in? I could admire of course, but never quite justify sir Philip +Sidney in putting off his cuisses because his general had not got his +on." + +"You're fit for a field-marshal, my dear!" said the major +enthusiastically--adding, as he kissed her hand, "I will think over what +you have said, and at least not betray you without warning." + +"That is enough for the present," returned Hester, shaking hands with +him warmly. + +The major went away hardly knowing whither, so filled was he with +admiration of "cousin Helen's girl." + +"By Jove!" he said to himself, "it's a confounded good thing I didn't +marry Helen; she would never have had a girl like that if I had! Things +are always best. The world needs a few such in it--even if they be +fools--though I suspect they will turn out the wise ones, and we the +fools for taking such care of our precious selves!" + +But the major was by no means a selfish man. He was pretty much mixed, +like the rest of us. Only, if we do not make up our minds not to be +mixed with the one thing, we shall by and by be but little mixed with +the other. + +That same evening he sent her word that one answering the description of +Cornelius had been descried in the neighborhood of Addison square. + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + +DOWN AND DOWN. + + +Down the hill and down!--to the shores of the salt sea, where the +flowing life is dammed into a stagnant lake, a dead sea, growing more +and more bitter with separation and lack of outlet. Mrs. Franks had come +to feel the comforting of her husband a hopeless thing, and had all but +ceased to attempt it. He grew more hopeless for the lack of what she +thought moved him no more, and when she ceased to comfort him, the +fountain of her own hope began to fail; in comforting him she had +comforted herself. The boys, whose merriment even was always of a sombre +kind, got more gloomy, but had not begun to quarrel; for that evil, as +interfering with their profession, the father had so sternly crushed +that they had less than the usual tendency to it. + +They had reached at last the point of being unable to pay for their +lodging. They were indeed a fort-night's rent behind. Their landlady was +not willing to be hard upon them, but what could a poor woman do, she +said. The day was come when they must go forth like Abraham without a +home, but not like Abraham with a tent and the world before them to set +it up in, not like Abraham with camels and asses to help them along. The +weakly wife had to carry the sickly baby, who, with many ups and downs, +had been slowly pining away. The father went laden with the larger +portion of the goods yet remaining to them, and led the Serpent of the +Prairies, with the drum hanging from his neck, by the hand. The other +boys followed, bearing the small stock of implements belonging to their +art. + +They had delayed their departure till it was more than dusk, for Franks +could not help a vague feeling of blame for the condition of his family, +and shrank from being seen of men's eyes; every one they met must know +they had not a place to lay their heads! The world was like a sea before +them--a prospect of ceaseless motion through the night, with the hope of +an occasional rest on a doorstep or the edge of the curb-stone when the +policeman's back was turned. They set out to go nowhither--to tramp on +and on. Is it any wonder--does it imply wickedness beyond that lack of +trust in God which is at the root of all wickedness, if the thought of +ending their troubles by death crossed his mind, and from very +tenderness kept returning? At the last gasp, as it seemed, in the close +and ever closer siege of misfortune, he was almost ready, like the Jews +of Masada, to conquer by self-destruction. But ever and again the sad +eyes of his wife turned him from the thought, and he would plod on, +thinking, as near as possible, about nothing. + +At length as they wandered they came to a part where seemed to be only +small houses and mews. Presently they found themselves in a little lane +with no thoroughfare, at the back of some stables, and had to return +along the rough-paved, neglected way. Such was the quiet and apparent +seclusion of the spot, that it struck Franks they had better find its +most sheltered corner, in which to sit down and rest awhile, possibly +sleep. Scarcely would policeman, he thought, enter such a forsaken +place! The same moment they heard the measured tread of the enemy on the +other side of the stables. Instinctively, hurriedly, they looked around +for some place of concealment, and spied, at the end of a blank wall, +belonging apparently to some kind of warehouse, a narrow path between +that and the wall of the next property. Careless to what it led, anxious +only to escape the annoyance of the policeman, they turned quickly into +it. Scarcely had they done so when the Serpent, whose hand his father +had let go, disappeared with a little cry, and a whimper ascended +through the darkness. + +"Hold your n'ise, you rascal!" said his father sharply, but under his +breath; "the bobby will hear you, and have us all to the lock-up!" + +Not a sound more was heard. Neither did the boy reappear. + +"Good heavens, John!" cried the mother in an agonized whisper, "the +child has fallen down a sewer! Oh, my God! he is gone for ever!" + +"Hold your n'ise," said Franks again, "an' let's all go down a'ter him! +It's better down anywheres than up where there ain't nothing to eat an' +nowheres to lie down in." + +"'Tain't a bad place," cried a little voice in a whisper broken with +repressed sobs. "'Tain't a bad place, I don't think, only I broken one +o' my two legs; it won't move to fetch of me up again." + +"Thank God in heaven, the child's alive!" cried the mother. "--You ain't +much hurt, are you, Moxy?" + +"Rather, mother!" + +By this time the steps of the policeman, to which the father had been +listening with more anxiety than to the words of wife or child, were +almost beyond hearing. Franks turned, and going down a few steps found +his child, where he half lay, half sat upon them. But when he lifted +him, he gave a low cry of pain. It was impossible to see where or how +much he was hurt. The father sat down and took him on his knees. + +"You'd better come an' sit here, wife," he said in a low dull voice. +"There ain't no one a sittin' up for us. The b'y's a bit hurt, an' here +you'll be out o' the wind at least." + +They all got as far down the stair as its room would permit--the elder +boys with their heads hardly below the level of the wind. But by and by +one of them crept down past his mother, feebly soothing the whimpering +baby, and began to feel what sort of a place they were in. + +"Here's a door, father!" he said. + +"Well, what o' that?" returned his father. "'Taint no door open to us or +the likes on us. There ain't no open door for the likes of us but the +door o' the grave." + +"Perhaps this is it, father," said Moxy. + +"If it be," answered his father with bitterness, "we'll find it open, +I'll be bound." + +The boy's hand had come upon a latch; he lifted it, and pushed. + +"Father," he cried with a gasp, "_it is open_!" + +"Get in then," said his father roughly, giving him a push with his foot. + +"I daren't. It's so dark!" he answered. + +"Here, you come an' take the Sarpint," returned the father, with faintly +reviving hope, "an' I'll see what sort of a place it is. If it's any +place at all, it's better than bein' i' the air all night at this +freezin' time!" + +So saying he gave Moxy to his bigger brother and went to learn what kind +of a place they had got to. Ready as he had been a moment before for the +grave, he was careful in stepping into the unknown dark. Feeling with +foot and hand, he went in. He trod upon an earthen floor, and the place +had a musty smell: it might be a church vault, he thought. In and in he +went, with sliding foot on the soundless floor, and sliding hand along +the cold wall--on and on, round two corners, past a closed door, and +back to that by which he had entered, where, as at the grave's mouth, +sat his family in sad silence, waiting his return. + +"Wife," he said, "we can't do better than to take the only thing that's +offered. The floor's firm, an' it's out o' the air. It's some sort of a +cellar--p'r'aps at the bottom of a church. It do look as if it wur left +open jest for us!--You _used_ to talk about _him_ above, wife!" + +He took her by the hand and led the way into the darkness, the boys +following, one of them with a hold of his mother, and his arm round the +other, who was carrying Moxy. Franks closed the door behind them, and +they had gained a refuge. Feeling about, one of the boys came upon a +large packing-case; having laid it down against the inner wall, Franks +sat, and made his wife lie upon it, with her head on his knees, and took +Moxy again in his arms, wrapt in one of their three thin blankets. The +boys stretched themselves on the ground, and were soon fast asleep. The +baby moaned by fits all the night long. + +In about an hour Franks, who for long did not sleep, heard the door open +softly and stealthily, and seemed aware of a presence besides themselves +in the place. He concluded some other poor creature had discovered the +same shelter; or, if they had got into a church-vault, it might be some +wandering ghost; he was too weary for further speculation, or any +uneasiness. When the slow light crept through the chinks of the door, he +found they were quite alone. + +It was a large dry cellar, empty save for the old packing-case. They +must use great caution, and do their best to keep their hold of this +last retreat! Misfortune had driven them into the earth; it would be +fortune to stay there. + +When his wife woke, he told her what he had been thinking. He and the +boys would creep out before it was light, and return after dark. She +must not put even a finger out of the cellar-door all day. He laid Moxy +down beside her, woke the two elder boys, and went out with them. + +They were so careful that for many days they continued undiscovered. +Franks and the boys went and returned, and gained bread enough to keep +them alive, but it may well seem a wonder they did not perish with cold. +It is amazing what even the delicate sometimes go through without more +than a little hastening on the road the healthiest are going as well. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + +DIFFERENCE. + + +About noon the next day, lord Gartley called. Whether he had got over +his fright, or thought the danger now less imminent, or was vexed that +he had _appeared_ to be afraid, I do not know. Hester was very glad +to see him again. + +"I think I am a safe companion to-day," she said. "I have not been out +of the house yet. But till the bad time is over among my people, we had +better be content not to meet, I think." + +Lord Gartley mentally gasped. He stood for a moment speechless, +gathering his thoughts, which almost refused to be gathered. + +"Do I understand you, Hester?" he said. "It would trouble me more than I +can tell to find I do." + +"I fear I understand you, Gartley!" said Hester. "Is it possible you +would have me abandon my friends to the small-pox, as a hireling his +sheep to the wolf?" + +"There are those whose business it is to look after them." + +"I am one of those," returned Hester. + +"Well," answered his lordship, "for the sake of argument we will allow +it _has_ been your business; but how can you imagine it your +business any longer?" + +Indignation, a fire always ready "laid" in Hester's bosom, but seldom +yet lighted by lord Gartley, burst into flame, and she spoke as he had +never heard her speak before. + +"I am aware, my lord," she said, "that I must by and by have new duties +to perform, but I have yet to learn that they must annihilate the old. +The claims of love cannot surely obliterate those of friendship! The new +should make the old better, not sweep it away." + +"But, my dear girl, the thing is preposterous!" exclaimed his lordship. +"Don't you see you will enter on a new life! In the most ordinary cases +even, the duties of a wife are distinct from those of an unmarried +woman." + +"But the duties of neither can supersede those of a human being. If the +position of a wife is higher than that of an unmarried woman, it must +enable her to do yet better the things that were her duty as a human +being before." + +"But if it be impossible she should do the same things?" + +"Whatever is impossible settles its own question. I trust I shall never +desire to attempt the impossible." + +"You have begun to attempt it now." + +"I do not understand you." + +"It is impossible you should perform the duties of the station you are +about to occupy, and continue to do as you are doing now. The attempt +wuld be absurd." + +"I have not tried it yet." + +"But I know what your duties will be, and I assure you, my dear Hester, +you will find the thing cannot be done." + +"You set me thinking of more things than I can manage all at once," she +replied in a troubled way. "I must think." + +"The more you think, the better satisfied you will be of what I say. All +I want of you is to think; for I am certain if you do, your good sense +will convince you I am right." + +He paused a moment. Hester did not speak. He resumed: + +"Just think," he said, "what it would be to have you coming home to go +out again straight from one of these kennels of the small-pox! The idea +is horrible! Wherever you were suspected of being present, the house +would be shunned like the gates of death." + +"In such circumstances I should not go out." + +"The suspicion of it would be enough. And in your absence, as certainly +as in your presence, though not so fatally, you would be neglecting your +duty to society." + +"Then," said Hester, "the portion of society that is healthy, wealthy, +and--merry, has stronger claims than the portion that is poor and sick +and in prison!" + +Lord Gartley was for a moment bewildered--not from any feeling of the +force of what she said, but from inability to take it in. He had to turn +himself about two or three times mentally before he could bring himself +to believe she actually meant that those to whom she alluded were to be +regarded as a portion of the same society that ruled his life. He +thought another moment, then said: + +"There are the sick in every class: you would have those of your own to +visit. Why not leave others to visit those of theirs?" + +"Then of course you would have no objection to my visiting a duchess in +the small-pox?" + +Lord Gartley was on the point of saying that duchesses never took the +smallpox, but he did not, afraid Hester might know to the contrary. + +"There could be no occasion for that," he said. "She would have +everything she could want." + +"And the others are in lack of everything! To desert them would be to +desert the Lord. He will count it so." + +"Well, certainly," said his lordship, returning on the track, "there +would be less objection in the case of the duchess, in as much as every +possible precaution would in her house be taken against the spread of +the disease. It would be horribly selfish to think only of the person +affected!" + +"You show the more need that the poor should not be deserted of the rich +in their bitter necessity! Who among them is able to take the right +precautions against the spread of the disease? And if it spread among +them, there is no security against its reaching those at last who take +every possible care of themselves and none of their neighbours. You do +not imagine, because I trust in God, and do not fear what the small-pox +can do to me, I would therefore neglect any necessary preventive! That +would be to tempt God: means as well as results are his. They are a way +of giving us a share in his work." + +"If I should have imagined such neglect possible, would not yesterday go +far to justify me?" said lord Gartley. + +"You are ungenerous," returned Hester. "You know I was then taken +unprepared! The smallpox had but just appeared--at least I had not heard +of it before." + +"Then you mean to give up society for the sake of nursing the poor?" + +"Only upon occasion, when there should be a necessity--such as an +outbreak of infectious disease." + +"And how, pray, should I account for your absence--not to mention the +impossibility of doing my part without you? I should have to be +continually telling stories; for if people came to know the fact, they +would avoid me too as if I were the pest itself!" + +It was to Hester as if a wall rose suddenly across the path hitherto +stretching before her in long perspective. It became all but clear to +her that he and she had been going on without any real understanding of +each other's views in life. Her expectations tumbled about her like a +house of cards. If he wanted to marry her, full of designs and aims in +which she did not share, and she was going to marry him, expecting +sympathies and helps which he had not the slightest inclination to give +her, where was the hope for either of anything worth calling success? +She sat silent. She wanted to be alone that she might think. It would be +easier to write than talk further! But she must have more certainty as +to what was in his mind. + +"Do you mean then, Gartley," she said, "that when I am your wife, if +ever I am, I shall have to give up all the friendships to which I have +hitherto devoted so much of my life?" + +Her tone was dominated by the desire to be calm, and get at his real +feeling. Gartley mistook it, and supposed her at length betraying the +weakness hitherto so successfully concealed. He concluded he had only to +be firm now to render future discussion of the matter unnecessary. + +"I would not for a moment act the tyrant, or say you must never go into +such houses again. Your own good sense, the innumerable engagements you +will have, the endless calls upon your time and accomplishments, will +guide you--and I am certain guide you right, as to what attention you +can spare to the claims of benevolence. But just please allow me one +remark: in the circle to which you will in future belong, nothing is +considered more out of place than any affectation of enthusiasm. I do +not care to determine whether your way or theirs is the right one; all I +want to say is, that as the one thing to be avoided is peculiarity, you +would do better not to speak of these persons, whatever regard you may +have for their spiritual welfare, as _your friends_. One cannot +have so many friends--not to mention that a unity of taste and feeling +is necessary to that much-abused word _friendship_. You know well +enough such persons cannot be your friends." + +This was more than Hester could bear. She broke out with a vehemence for +which she was afterwards sorry, though nowise ashamed of it. + +"They _are_ my friends. There are twenty of them would do more for +me than you would." + +Lord Gartley rose. He was hurt. "Hester," he said, "you think so little +of me or my anxiety about your best interests, that I cannot but suppose +it will be a relief to you if I go." + +She answered not a word--did not even look up, and his lordship walked +gently but unhesitatingly from the room. + +"It will bring her to her senses!" he said to himself. "--How grand she +looked!" + +Long after he was gone, Hester sat motionless, thinking, thinking. What +she had vaguely foreboded--she knew now she had foreboded it all the +time--at least she thought she knew it--was come! They were not, never +had been, never could be at one about anything! He was a mere man of +this world, without relation to the world of truth! To be tied to him +for life would be to be tied indeed! And yet she loved him--would gladly +die for him--not to give him his own way--for that she would not even +marry him; but to save him from it--to save him from himself, and give +him God instead--that would be worth dying for, even if it were the +annihilation unbelievers took it for! To marry him, swell his worldly +triumphs, help gild the chains of his slavery was not to be thought of! +It was one thing to die that a fellow-creature might have all things +good! another to live a living death that he might persist in the pride +of life! She could not throw God's life to the service of the stupid +Satan! It was a sad breakdown to the hopes that had clustered about +Gartley! + +But did she not deserve it? + +Therewith began a self-searching which did not cease until it had +prostrated her in sorrow and shame before him whose charity is the only +pledge of ours. + +Was it then all over between them? Might he not bethink himself, and +come again, and say he was sorry he had so left her? He might indeed; +but would that make any difference to her? Had he not beyond a doubt +disclosed his real way of thinking and feeling? If he could speak thus +now, after they had talked so much, what spark of hope was there in +marriage? + +To forget her friends that she might go into _society_ a countess! +The thought was as contemptible as poverty-stricken. She would leave +such ambition to women that devoured novels and studied the peerage! One +loving look from human eyes was more to her than the admiration of the +world! She would go back to her mother as soon as she had found her poor +Corney, and seen her people through the smallpox! If only the house was +her own, that she might turn it into a hospital! She would make it a +home to which any one sick or sad, any cast out of the world, any +betrayed by seeming friends, might flee for shelter! She would be more +than ever the sister and helper of her own--cling faster than ever to +the skirts of the Lord's garment, that the virtue going out of him might +flow through her to them! She would be like Christ, a gulf into which +wrong should flow and vanish--a sun radiating an uncompromising love! + +How easy is the thought, in certain moods, of the loveliest, most +unselfish devotion! How hard is the doing of the thought in the face of +a thousand unlovely difficulties! Hester knew this, but, God helping, +was determined not to withdraw hand or foot or heart. She rose, and +having prepared herself, set out to visit her people. First of all she +would go to the bookbinder's, and see how his wife was attended to. + +The doctor not being there, she was readily admitted. The poor husband, +unable to help, sat a picture of misery by the scanty fire. A neighbor, +not yet quite recovered from the disease herself, had taken on her the +duties of nurse. Having given her what instructions she thought it least +improbable she might carry out, and told her to send for anything she +wanted, she rose to take her leave. + +"Won't you sing to her a bit, miss, before you go?" said the husband +beseechingly. "It'll do her more good than all the doctor's stuff." + +"I don't think she's well enough," said Hester. + +"Not to get all the good on it, I daresay, miss," rejoined the man; "but +she'll hear it like in a dream, an' she'll think it's the angels a +singin'; an' that'll do her good, for she do like all them creaturs!" + +Hester yielded and sang, thinking all the time how the ways of the +open-eyed God look to us like things in a dream, because we are only in +the night of his great day, asleep before the brightness of his great +waking thoughts. The woman had been tossing and moaning in an undefined +discomfort, but as she sang she grew still, and when she ceased lay as +if asleep. + +"Thank you, miss," said the man. "You can do more than the doctor, as I +told you! When he comes, he always wakes her up; you make her sleep +true!" + + + + +CHAPTER XLII. + +DEEP CALLETH UNTO DEEP. + + +In the meantime yet worse trouble had come upon the poor Frankses. About +a week after they had taken possession of the cellar, little Moxy, the +Serpent of the Prairies, who had been weakly ever since his fall down +the steps, by which he had hurt his head and been sadly shaken, became +seriously ill, and grew worse and worse. For some days they were not +much alarmed, for the child had often been ailing--oftener of late since +they had not been faring so well; and even when they were they dared not +get a doctor to him for fear of being turned out, and having to go to +the workhouse. + +By this time they had contrived to make the cellar a little more +comfortable. They managed to get some straw, and with two or three old +sacks made a bed for the mother and the baby and Moxy on the +packing-case. They got also some pieces of matting, and contrived to put +up a screen betwixt it and the rickety door. By the exercise of their +art they had gained enough to keep them in food, but never enough to pay +for the poorest lodging. They counted themselves, however, better off by +much than if they had been crowded with all sorts in such lodging as a +little more might have enabled them to procure. + +The parents loved Moxy more tenderly than either of his brothers, and it +was with sore hearts they saw him getting worse. The sickness was a mild +smallpox--so mild that they did not recognize it, yet more than Moxy +could bear, and he was gradually sinking. When this became clear to the +mother, then indeed she felt the hand of God heavy upon her. + +Religiously brought up, she had through the ordinary troubles of a +married life sought help from the God in whom her mother had +believed:--we do not worship our fathers and mothers like the +Chinese--though I do not envy the man who can scorn them for it--but +they are, if at all decent parents, our first mediators with the great +father, whom we can worse spare than any baby his mother;--but with +every fresh attack of misery, every step further down on the stair of +life, she thought she had lost her last remnant of hope, and knew that +up to that time she had hoped, while past seasons of failure looked like +times of blessed prosperity. No man, however little he may recognize the +hope in him, knows what it would be to be altogether hopeless. Now Moxy +was about to be taken from them, and no deeper misery seemed, to their +imagination, possible! Nothing seemed left them--not even the desire of +deliverance. How little hope there is in the commoner phases of +religion! The message grounded on the uprising of the crucified man, has +as yet yielded but little victory over the sorrows of the grave, but +small anticipation of the world to come; not a little hope of +deliverance from a hell, but scarce a foretaste of a blessed time at +hand when the heart shall exult and the flesh be glad. In general there +is at best but a sad looking forward to a region scarcely less shadowy +and far more dreary than the elysium of the pagan poets. When Christ +cometh, shall he find faith in the earth--even among those who think +they believe that he is risen indeed? Margaret Franks, in the cellar of +her poverty, the grave yawning below it for her Moxy, felt as if there +was no heaven at all, only a sky. + +But a strange necessity was at hand to compel the mother to rouse afresh +all the latent hope and faith and prayer that were in her. + +By an inexplicable insight the child seemed to know that he was dying. +For, one morning, after having tossed about all the night long, he +suddenly cried out in tone most pitiful, + +"Mother, don't put me in a hole." + +As far as any of them knew, he had never seen a funeral--at least to +know what it was--had never heard anything about death or burial: his +father had a horror of the subject! + +The words went like a knife to the heart of the mother. She sat silent, +neither able to speak, not knowing what to answer. + +Again came the pitiful cry, + +"Mother, don't put me in a hole." + +Most mothers would have sought to soothe the child, their own hearts +breaking the while, with the assurance that no one should put him into +any hole, or anywhere he did not want to go. But this mother could not +lie in the face of death, nor had it ever occurred to her that no +_person_ is ever put into a hole, though many a body. + +Before she could answer, a third time came the cry, this time in +despairing though suppressed agony,-- + +"Mother, don't let them put me in a hole." + +The mother gave a cry like the child's, and her heart within her became +like water. + +"Oh, God!" she gasped, and could say no more. + +But with the prayer--for what is a prayer but a calling on the name of +the Lord?--came to her a little calm, and she was able to speak. She +bent over him and kissed his forehead. + +"My darling Moxy, mother loves you," she said. + +What that had to do with it she did not ask herself. The child looked up +in her face with dim eyes. + +"Pray to the heavenly father, Moxy," she went on--and there stopped, +thinking what she should tell him to ask for. "Tell him," she resumed, +"that you don't want to be put in a hole, and tell him that mother does +not want you to be put in a hole, for she loves you with all her heart." + +"Don't put me in the hole," said Moxy, now using the definite article. + +"Jesus Christ was put in the hole," said the voice of the next elder boy +from behind his mother. He had come in softly, and she had neither seen +nor heard him. It was Sunday, and he had strolled into a church or +meeting-house--does it matter which?--and had heard the wonderful story +of hope. It was remarkable though that he had taken it up as he did, for +he went on to add, "but he didn't mind it much, and soon got out again." + +"Ah, yes, Moxy!" said the poor mother, "Jesus died for our sins, and you +must ask him to take you up to heaven." + +But Moxy did not know anything about sins, and just as little about +heaven. What he wanted was an assurance that he would not be put in the +hole. And the mother, now a little calmer, thought she saw what she +ought to say. + +"It ain't your soul, it's only your body, Moxy, they put in the hole," +she said. + +"I don't want to be put in the hole," Moxy almost screamed. "I don't +want my head cut off!" + +The poor mother was at her wits' end. + +But here the child fell into a troubled sleep, and for some hours a +silence as of the grave filled the dreary cellar. + +The moment he woke the same cry came from his fevered lips, "Don't put +me in the hole," and at intervals, growing longer as he grew weaker, the +cry came all the day. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII. + +DELIVERANCE. + + +Hester had been to church, and had then visited some of her people, +carrying them words of comfort and hope. They received them in a way at +her hand, but none of them, had they gone, would have found them at +church. How seldom is the man in the pulpit able to make people feel +that the things he is talking about are things at all! Neither when the +heavens are black with clouds and rain, nor when the sun rises glorious +in a blue perfection, do many care to sit down and be taught astronomy! +But Hester was a live gospel to them--and most when she sang. Even the +name of the Saviour uttered in her singing tone and with the expression +she then gave it, came nearer to them than when she spoke it. The very +brooding of the voice on a word, seems to hatch something of what is in +it. She often felt, however, as if some new, other kind of messengers +than she or such as she, must one day be sent them; for there seemed a +gulf between their thoughts and hers, such as neither they nor she could +pass. + +In fact they _could not_ think the things she thought, and had no +vocabulary or phrases or imagery whereby to express their own thinkings. +God does not hurry such: have we enough of hope for them, or patience +with them? I suspect their teachers must arise among themselves. They +too must have an elect of their own kind, of like passions with +themselves, to lift them up, and perhaps shame those that cannot reach +them. Our teaching to them is no teaching at all; it does not reach +their ignorance; perhaps they require a teaching that to our ignorance +would seem no teaching at all, or even bad teaching. How many things are +there in the world in which the wisest of us can ill descry the hand of +God! Who not knowing could read the lily in its bulb, the great oak in +the pebble-like acorn? God's beginnings do not _look_ like his +endings, but they _are_ like; the oak _is_ in the acorn, though +we cannot see it. The ranting preacher, uttering huge untruths, may yet +wake vital verities in chaotic minds--convey to a heart some saving fact, +rudely wrapped in husks of lies even against God himself. + +Mr. Christopher, thrown at one time into daily relations with a good +sort of man, had tried all he could to rouse him to a sense of his +higher duties and spiritual privileges, but entirely without success. A +preacher came round, whose gospel was largely composed of hell-fire and +malediction, with frequent allusion to the love of a most unlovely God, +as represented by him. This preacher woke up the man. "And then," said +Christopher, "I was able to be of service to him, and get him on. He +speedily outgrew the lies his prophet had taught him, and became a +devout Christian; while the man who had been the means of rousing him +was tried for bigamy, convicted and punished." + +This Sunday Hester, in her dejection and sadness about Gartley, over +whom--not her loss of him--she mourned deeply, felt more than ever, if +not that she could not reach her people, yet how little she was able to +touch them, and there came upon her a hopelessness that was heavy, +sinking into the very roots of her life, and making existence itself +appear a dull and undesirable thing. Hitherto life had seemed a good +thing, worth holding up as a heave-offering to him who made it; now she +had to learn to take life itself from the hand of God as his will, in +faith that he would prove it a good gift. She had to learn that in +_all_ drearinesses, of the flesh or spirit, even in those that seem +to come of having nothing to do, or from being unable to do what we +think we have to do, the refuge is the same--he who is the root and +crown of life. Who would receive comfort from anything but love? Who +would build on anything but the eternal? Who would lean on that which +has in itself no persistence? Even the closest human loves have their +only endurance, only hope of perfection, in the eternal perfect love of +which they are the rainbow-refractions. I cannot love son or daughter as +I would, save loving them as the children of the eternal God, in whom +his spirit dwells and works, making them altogether lovely, and me more +and more love-capable. That they are mine is not enough ground for +enough love--will not serve as operative reason to the height of the +love my own soul demands from itself for them. But they are mine because +they are his, and he is the demander and enabler of love. + +The day was a close, foggy, cold, dreary day. The service at church had +not seemed interesting. She laid the blame on herself, and neither on +prayers nor lessons nor psalms nor preacher, though in truth some of +these might have been better; the heart seemed to have gone out of the +world--as if not Baal but God had gone to sleep, and his children had +waked before him and found the dismal gray of the world's morning full +of discomfortable ghosts. She tried her New Testament; but Jesus too +seemed far away--nothing left but the story about him--as if he had +forgotten his promise, and was no longer in the world. She tried some of +her favourite poems: each and all were infected with the same +disease--with common-place nothingness. They seemed all made up--words! +words! words! Nothing was left her in the valley but the shadow, and the +last weapon, All-prayer. She fell upon her knees and cried to God for +life. "My heart is dead within me," she said, and poured out her lack +into the hearing of him from whom she had come that she might have +himself, and so be. She did not dwell upon her sorrows; even they had +sunk and all but vanished in the gray mass of lost interest. + +The modern representatives of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar would comfort +us with the assurance that all such depression has physical causes: +right or wrong, what does their comfort profit! Consolation in being +told that we are slaves! What noble nature would be content to be cured +of sadness by a dose of medicine? There is in the heart a conviction +that the soul ought to be supreme over the body and its laws; that there +must be a faith which conquers the body with all its tyrants; and that +no soul is right until it has that faith--until it is in closest, most +immediate understanding with its own unchangeable root, God himself. +Such faith may not at once remove the physical cause, if such there be, +but it will be more potent still; in the presence of both the cause and +the effect, its very atmosphere will be a peace tremulous with unborn +gladness. This gained, the medicine, the regimen, or the change of air +may be resorted to without sense of degradation, with cheerful hope and +some indifference. Such is perhaps the final victory of faith. Faith, in +such circumstances, must be of the purest, and may be of the strongest. +In few other circumstances can it have such an opportunity--can it rise +to equal height. It may be its final lesson, and deepest. God is in it +just in his seeming to be not in it--that we may choose him in the +darkness of the feeling, stretch out the hand to him when we cannot see +him, verify him in the vagueness of the dream, call to him in the +absence of impulse, obey him in the weakness of the will. + +Even in her prayers Hester could not get near him. It seemed as if his +ear were turned away from her cry. She sank into a kind of lethargic +stupor. I think, in order to convey to us the spiritual help we need, it +is sometimes necessary--just as, according to the psalmist, "he giveth +to his beloved in their sleep"--to cast us into a sort of mental +quiescence, that the noise of the winds and waters of the questioning +intellect and roused feelings may not interfere with the impression the +master would make upon our beings. But Hester's lethargy lasted long, +and was not so removed. She rose from her knees in a kind of despair, +almost ready to think that either there was no God, or he would not hear +her. An inaccessible God was worse than no God at all! In either case +she would rather cease! + +It had been dark for hours, but she had lighted no candle, and sat in +bodily as in spiritual darkness. She was in her bedroom, which was on +the second floor, at the back of the house, looking out on the top of +the gallery that led to the great room. She had no fire. One was burning +away unheeded in the drawing-room below. She was too miserable to care +whether she was cold or warm. When she had got some light in her body, +then she would go and get warm! + +What time it was she did not know. She had been summoned to the last +meal of the day, but had forgotten the summons. It must have been about +ten o'clock. The streets were silent, the square deserted--as usual. The +evening was raw and cold, one to drive everybody in-doors that had doors +to go in at. + +Through the cold and darkness came a shriek that chilled her with +horror. Yet it seemed as if she had been expecting it--as if the cloud +of misery that had all day been gathering deeper and deeper above and +around her, had at length reached its fullness, and burst in the +lightning of that shriek. It was followed by another and yet another. +Whence did they come? Not from the street, for all beside was still; +even the roar of London was hushed! And there was a certain something in +the sound of them that assured her that they rose in the house. Was +Sarah being murdered? She was half-way down the stairs before the +thought that sent her was plain to herself. + +The house seemed unnaturally still. At the top of the kitchen stairs she +called aloud to Sarah--as loud, that is, as a certain tremor in her +throat would permit. There came no reply. Down she went to face the +worst: she was a woman of true courage--that is, a woman whom no amount +of apprehension could deter when she knew she ought to seek the danger. + +In the kitchen stood Sarah, motionless, frozen with fear. A candle was +in her hand, just lighted. Hester's voice seemed to break her trance. + +She started, stared, and fell a trembling. She made her drink some +water, and then she came to herself. + +"It's in the coal-cellar, miss!" she gasped. "I was that minute going to +fetch a scuttleful! There's something buried in them coals as sure as my +name's Sarah!" + +"Nonsense!" returned Hester. "Who could scream like that from under the +coals? Come; we'll go and see what it is." + +"Laws, miss! don't you go near it now. It's too late to do anything. +Either it's the woman's sperrit as they say was murdered there, or it's +a new one." + +"And you would let her be killed without interfering?" + +"Oh, miss, all's over by this time!" persisted Sarah, with white lips +trembling. + +"Then you are ready to go to bed with a murderer in the house?" said +Hester. + +"He's done his business now, an' 'll go away." + +"Give me the candle. I will go alone." + +"You'll be murdered, miss--as sure's you're alive!" + +Hester took the light from her, and went towards the coal-cellar. The +old woman sank on a chair. + +I have already alluded to the subterranean portion of the house, which +extended under the great room. A long vault, corresponding to the +gallery above, led to these cellars. It was rather a frightful place to +go into in search of the source of a shriek. Its darkness was scarcely +affected by the candle she carried; it seemed only to blind herself. She +tried holding it above her head, and then she could see a little. The +black tunnel stretched on and on, like a tunnel in a feverish dream, a +long way before the cellars began to open from it. She advanced, I +cannot say fearless, but therefore only the more brave. She felt as if +leaving life and safety behind, but her imagination was not much awake, +and her mental condition made her almost inclined to welcome death. She +reached at last the coal-cellar, the first that opened from the passage, +and looked in. The coal-heap was low, and the place looked large and +very black. She sent her keenest gaze through the darkness, but could +see nothing; went in and moved about until she had thrown light into +every corner: no one was there. She was on the point of returning when +she bethought herself there were other cellars--one the wine-cellar, +which was locked: she would go and see if Sarah knew anything about the +key of it. But just as she left the coal-cellar, she heard a moan, +followed by a succession of low sobs. Her heart began to beat violently, +but she stopped to listen. The light of her candle fell upon another +door, a pace or two from where she stood. She went to it, laid her ear +against it, and listened. The sobs continued a while, ceased, and left +all silent. Then clear and sweet, but strange and wild, as if from some +region unearthly, came the voice of a child: she could hear distinctly +what it said. + +"Mother," it rang out, "you _may_ put me in the hole." + +And the silence fell deep as before. + +Hester stood for a moment horrified. Her excited imagination suggested +some deed of superstitious cruelty in the garden of the house adjoining. +Nor were the sobs and cries altogether against such supposition. She +recovered herself instantly, and ran back to the kitchen. + +"You have the keys of the cellars--have you not, Sarah?" she said. + +"Yes, miss, I fancy so." + +"Where does the door beyond the coal-cellar lead out to?" + +"Not out to nowhere, miss. That's a large cellar as we never use. I +ain't been into it since the first day, when they put some of the +packing-cases there." + +"Give me the key," said Hester. "Something is going on there we ought to +know about." + +"Then pray send for the police, miss!" answered Sarah, trembling. "It +ain't for you to go into such places--on no account!" + +"What! not in our own house?" + +"It's the police's business, miss!" + +"Then the police are their brothers' keepers, and not you and me, +Sarah?" + +"It's the wicked as is in it, I fear, miss." + +"It's those that weep anyhow, and they're our business, if it's only to +weep with them. Quick! show me which is the key." + +Sarah sought the key in the bunch, and noting the coolness with which +her young mistress took it, gathered courage from hers to follow, a +little way behind. + +When Hester reached the door, she carefully examined it, that she might +do what she had to do as quickly as possible. There were bolts and bars +upon it, but not one of them was fastened; it was secured only by the +bolt of the lock. She set the candle on the floor, and put in the key as +quietly as she could. It turned without much difficulty, and the door +fell partly open with a groan of the rusted hinge. She caught up her +light, and went in. + +It was a large, dark, empty place. For a few moments she could see +nothing. But presently she spied, somewhere in the dark, a group of +faces, looking white through the circumfluent blackness, the eyes of +them fixed in amaze, if not in terror, upon herself. She advanced +towards them, and almost immediately recognized one of them--then +another; but what with the dimness, the ghostliness, and the strangeness +of it all, felt as if surrounded by the veiling shadows of a dream. But +whose was that pallid little face whose eyes were not upon her with the +rest? It stared straight on into the dark, as if it had no more to do +with the light! She drew nearer to it. The eyes of the other faces +followed her. + +When the eyes of the mother saw the face of her Moxy who died in the +dark, she threw herself in a passion of tears and cries upon her dead. +But the man knelt upon his knees, and when Hester turned in pain from +the agony of the mother, she saw him with lifted hands of supplication +at her feet. A torrent of divine love and passionate pity filled her +heart, breaking from its deepest God-haunted caves. She stooped and +kissed the man upon his upturned forehead. + +Many are called but few chosen. Hester was the disciple of him who could +have cured the leper with a word, but for reasons of his own, not far to +seek by such souls as Hester's, laid his hands upon him, sorely defiling +himself in the eyes of the self-respecting bystanders. The leper himself +would never have dreamed of his touching him. + +Franks burst out crying like the veriest child. All at once in the +depths of hell the wings of a great angel were spread out over him and +his! No more starvation and cold for his poor wife and the baby! The +boys would have plenty now! If only Moxy--but he was gone where the +angels came from--and theirs was a hard life! Surely the God his wife +talked about must have sent her to them! Did he think they had borne +enough now? Only he had borne it so ill! Thus thought Franks, in +dislocated fashion, and remained kneeling. + +Hester was now kneeling also, with her arms round her whose arms were +about the body of her child. She did not speak to her, did not attempt a +word of comfort, but wept with her: she too had loved little Moxy! she +too had heard his dying words--glowing with reproof to her faithlessness +who cried out like a baby when her father left her for a moment in the +dark! In the midst of her loneliness and seeming desertion, God had +these people already in the house for her help! The back-door of every +tomb opens on a hill-top. + +With awe-struck faces the boys looked on. They too could now see Moxy's +face. They had loved Moxy--loved him more than they knew yet. + +The woman at length raised her head, and looked at Hester. + +"Oh, miss, it's Moxy!" she said, and burst into a fresh passion of +grief. + +"The dear child!" said Hester. + +"Oh, miss! who's to look after him now?" + +"There will be plenty to look after him. You don't think he who provided +a woman like you for his mother before he sent him here, would send him +there without having somebody ready to look after him?" + +"Well, miss, it wouldn't be like him--I don't think!" + +"It would _not_ be like him," responded Hester, with +self-accusation. + +Then she asked them a few questions about their history since last she +saw them, and how it was they had sunk so low, receiving answers more +satisfactory than her knowledge had allowed her to hope. + +"But oh miss!" exclaimed Mrs. Franks, bethinking herself, "you ought not +to ha' been here so long: the little angel there died o' the small-pox, +as I know too well, an' it's no end o' catching!" + +"Never mind me," replied Hester; "I'm not afraid. But," she added, +rising, "we must get you out of this immediately." + +"Oh, miss! where would you send us?" said Mrs. Franks in alarm. "There's +nobody as 'll take us in! An' it would break both our two +hearts--Franks's an' mine--to be parted at such a moment, when us two's +the father an' mother o' Moxy. An' they'd take Moxy from us, an' put him +in the hole he was so afeared of!" + +"You don't think I would leave my own flesh and blood in the cellar!" +answered Hester. "I will go and make arrangement for you above and be +back presently." + +"Oh thank you, miss!" said the woman, as Hester sat down the candle +beside them. "I do want to look on the face of my blessed boy as long as +I can! He will be taken from me altogether soon!" + +"Mrs. Franks," rejoined Hester, "you musn't talk like a heathen." + +"I didn't know as I was saying anything wrong, miss!" + +"Don't you know," said Hester, smiling through tears, "that Jesus died +and rose again that we might be delivered from death? Don't you know +it's he and not Death has got your Moxy? He will take care of him for +you till you are ready to have him again. If you love Moxy more than +Jesus loves him, then you are more like God than Jesus was!" + +"Oh, miss, don't talk to me like that! The child was born of my own +body?" + +"And both you and he were born of God's own soul: if you know how to +love he loves ten times better." + +"You know how to love anyhow, miss! the Lord love you! An angel o' mercy +you been to me an' mine." + +"Good-bye then for a few minutes," said Hester. "I am only going to +prepare a place for you." + +Only as she said the words did she remember who had said them before +her. And as she went through the dark tunnel she sang with a voice that +seemed to beat at the gates of heaven, "Thou didst not leave his soul in +hell." + +Mrs. Franks threw herself again beside her child, but her tears were not +so bitter now; she and hers were no longer forsaken! She also read her +New Testament, and the last words of Hester had struck her as well as +the speaker of them: + +"And she'll come again and receive us to herself!" she said. "--An' +Christ'll receive my poor Moxy to himself! If he wasn't, as they say, a +Christian, it was only as he hadn't time--so young, an' all the hard +work he had to do--with his precious face a grinnin' like an angel +between the feet of him, a helpin' of his father to make a livin' for us +all! That would be no reason why he as did the will o' _his_ father +shouldn't take to him. If ever there was a child o' God's makin' it was +that child! I feel as if God must ha' made him right off, like!" + +Thoughts like these kept flowing through the mind of the bereaved mother +as she lay with her arm over the body of her child--ever lovely to her, +now more lovely than ever. The small-pox had not been severe--only +severe enough to take a feeble life from the midst of privation, and the +expression of his face was lovely. He lay like the sacrifice that sealed +a new covenant between his mother and her father in heaven. We have yet +learned but little of the blessed power of death. We call it an evil! It +is a holy, friendly thing. We are not left shivering all the world's +night in a stately portico with no house behind it; death is the door to +the temple-house, whose God is not seated aloft in motionless state, but +walks about among his children, receiving his pilgrim sons in his arms, +and washing the sore feet of the weary ones. Either God is altogether +such as Christ, or the Christian religion is a lie. + +Not a word passed between husband and wife. Their hearts were too full +for speech, but their hands found and held each the other. It was the +strangest concurrence of sorrow and relief! The two boys sat on the +ground with their arms about each other. So they waited. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV. + +ON THE WAY UP. + + +Hearing only the sounds of a peaceful talk, Sarah had ventured near +enough to the door to hear something of what was said, and set at rest +by finding that the cause of her terror was but a poor family that had +sought refuge in the cellar, she woke up to better, and was ready to +help. More than sufficiently afraid of robbers and murderers, she was +not afraid of infection: "What should an old woman like me do taking the +small-pox! I've had it bad enough once already!" She was rather +staggered, however, when she found what Hester's plan for the intruders +was. + +Nothing more, since the night of the concert, had been done to make the +great room habitable by the family. It had been well cleaned out and +that was all. Now and then a fire was lighted in it, and the children +played in it as before, but it had never been really in use. What better +place, thought Hester, could there be for a small-pox ward! Thither she +would convey her friends rescued from the slimy embrace of London +poverty. + +She told Sarah to light a great fire as speedily as possible, while she +settled what could be done about beds. Almost all in the house were +old-fashioned wooden ones, hard to take down, heavy to move, and hard to +put up again: with only herself and Sarah it would take a long time! For +safety too it would be better to hire iron beds which would be easily +purified--only it was Sunday night, and late! But she knew the little +broker in Steevens's Road: she would go to him and see if he had any +beds, and if he would help her to put them up at once! + +The raw night made her rejoice the more that she had got hold of the +poor creatures drowning in the social swamp. It was a consolation, +strong even against such heavy sorrows and disappointments as housed in +her heart to know that virtue was going out of her for rescue and +redemption. + +She had to ring the bell a good many times before the door opened, for +the broker and his small household had retired for the night: it was now +eleven o'clock. He was not well pleased at being taken from his warm bed +to go out and work--on such a night too! He grounded what objection he +made, however, on its being Sunday, and more than hinted his surprise +that Hester would ask him to do such a thing. She told him it was for +some who had nowhere to lay their heads, and in her turn more than +hinted that he could hardly know what Sunday meant if he did not think +it right to do any number of good deeds on it. The man assented to her +argument, and went to look out the two beds she wanted. But what in +reality influenced him was dislike to offending a customer; customers +are the divinities of tradesmen, as society is the divinity of society: +in her, men and women worship themselves. Having got the two bedsteads +extracted piecemeal from the disorganized heaps in his back shop, he and +Hester together proceeded to carry them home--and I cannot help wishing +lord Gartley had come upon her at the work--no very light job, for she +went three times, and bore good weights. It was long after midnight +before the beds were ready--and a meal of coffee, and toast, and bread +and butter, spread in the great room. Then at last Hester went back to +the cellar. + +"Now, come," she said, and taking up the baby, which had just weight +enough to lie and let her know how light it was, led the way. + +Franks rose from the edge of the packing-case, on which lay the body of +Moxy, with his mother yet kneeling beside it, and put his arm round his +wife to raise her. She yielded, and he led her away after their hostess, +the boys following hand in hand. But when they reached the cellar door, +the mother gave a heart-broken cry, and turning ran and threw herself +again beside her child. They all followed her. + +"I can't! I can't!" she said. "I can't leave my Moxy lyin' here all +alone! He ain't used to it. He's never once slep' alone since he was +born. I can't bear to think o' that lovely look o' his lost on the dark +night--not a soul to look down an' see it! Oh, Moxy! was your mother +a-leavin' of you all alone!" + +"What makes you think there will not be a soul to see it?" said Hester. +"The darkness may be full of eyes! And the night itself is only the +black pupil of the Father's eye.--But we're not going to leave the +darling here. We'll take him too, of course, and find him a good place +to lie in." + +The mother was satisfied, and the little procession passed through the +dark way, and up the stair. + +The boys looked pleased at sight of the comforts that waited them, but a +little awed with the great lofty room. Over the face of Franks, +notwithstanding his little Serpent of the Prairies had crept away +through the long tangled grass of the universe, passed a gleam of joy +mingled with gratitude: much was now begun to be set to rights between +him and the high government. But the mother was with the little body +lying alone in the cellar. Suddenly with a wild gesture she made for the +door. + +"Oh, miss!" she cried, "the rats! the rats!" and would have darted from +the room. + +"Stop, stop, dear Mrs. Franks!" cried Hester. "Here! take the baby; +Sarah and I are going immediately to bring him away, and lay him where +you can see him when you please." + +Again she was satisfied. She took the baby, and sat down beside her +husband. + +I have mentioned a low pitched room under the great one: in this Hester +had told Sarah to place a table covered with white: they would lay the +body there in such fashion as would be a sweet remembrance to the +mother: she went now to see whether this was done. But on the way she +met Sarah coming up with ashy face. + +"Oh, miss!" she said, "the body mustn't be left a minute: there's a +whole army of rats in the house already! As I was covering the table +with a blanket before I put on the sheet, there got up all at once +behind the wainscot the most uprageous hurry-scurry o' them horrid +creaturs. They'll be in wherever it is--you may take your bible-oath! +Once when I was--" + +Hester interrupted her. + +"Come," she said, and led the way. + +She looked first into the low room to see that it was properly prepared, +and was leaving it again, when she heard a strange sound behind the +wainscot as it seemed. + +"There, miss!" said Sarah. + +Hester made up her mind at once that little Moxy should not be left +alone. Her heart trembled a little at the thought, but she comforted +herself that Sarah would not be far off, and that the father and mother +of the child would be immediately over her head. The same instant she +was ashamed of having found this comfort first, for was he not +infinitely nearer to her who is lord of life and death? + +They went to the cellar. + +"But how," said Hester on the way, "can the Frankses have got into the +place?" + +"There is a back door to it, of course!" answered Sarah. "The first load +of coals came in that way, but master wouldn't have it used: he didn't +like a door to his house he never set eyes on, he said." + +"But how could it have been open to let them in?" said Hester. + +When they reached the cellar, she took the candle and went to look at +the door. It was pushed to, but not locked, and had no fastening upon it +except the lock, in which was the key. She turned the key, and taking it +out, put it in her pocket. + +Then they carried up the little body, washed it, dressed it in white, +and laid it straight in its beauty--symbol--passing, like all +symbols--of a peace divinely more profound--the little hands folded on +the breast under the well-contented face, repeating the calm expression +of that conquest over the fear of death, that submission to be "put in +the hole," with which the child-spirit passed into wide spaces. They +lighted six candles, three at the head and three at the feet, that the +mother might see the face of her child, and because light not darkness +befits death. To Hester they symbolized the forms of light that sat, one +at the head and one at the foot of the place where the body of Jesus had +lain. Then they went to fetch the mother. + +She was washing the things they had used for supper. The boys were +already in bed. Franks was staring into the fire: the poor fellow had +not even looked at one for some time. Hester asked them to go and see +where she had laid Moxy, and they went with her. The beauty of Death's +courtly state comforted them. + +"But I can't leave him alone!" said the mother "--all night too!--he +wouldn't like it! I know he won't wake up no more; only, you know, +miss--" + +"Yes, I know very well," replied Hester. + +"I'm ready," said Franks. + +"No, no!" returned Hester. "You are worn out and must go to bed, both of +you: I will stay with the beautiful thing, and see that no harm comes to +it." + +After some persuasion the mother consented, and in a little while the +house was quiet. Hester threw a fur cloak round her, and sat down in the +chair Sarah had placed for her beside the dead. + +When she had sat some time, the exceeding stillness of the form beside +her began to fill her heart with a gentle awe. The stillness was so +persistent that the awe gradually grew to dismay, and fear, +inexplicable, unreasonable fear, of which she was ashamed, began to +invade her. She knew at once that she must betake her to the Truth for +refuge. It is little use telling one's self that one's fear is silly. It +comes upon no pretence of wisdom or logic; proved devoid of both, it +will not therefore budge a jot. She prayed to the Father, awake with her +in the stillness; and then began to think about the dead Christ. Would +the women who waited for the dawn because they had no light by which to +minister, have been afraid to watch by that body all the night long? Oh, +to have seen it come to life! move and wake and rise with the informing +God! Every dead thing belonged to Christ, not to something called Death! +This dead thing was his. It was dead as he had been dead, and no +otherwise! There was nothing dreadful in watching by it, any more than +in sitting beside the cradle of a child yet unborn! In the name of +Christ she would fear nothing! He had abolished death! + +Thus thinking, she lay back in her chair, closed her eyes, and thanking +God for having sent her relief in these his children to help, fell fast +asleep. + +She started suddenly awake, seeming to have been roused by the opening +of a door. The fringe of a departing dream lay yet upon her eyes: was +the door of the tomb in which she had lain so long burst from its +hinges? was the day of the great resurrection come? Swiftly her senses +settled themselves, and she saw plainly and remembered clearly. Yet +could she be really awake? for in the wall opposite stood the form of a +man! She neither cried out nor fainted, but sat gazing. She was not even +afraid, only dumb with wonder. The man did not look fearful. A smile she +seemed to have seen before broke gradually from his lips and spread over +his face. The next moment he stepped from the wall and came towards her. + +Then sight and memory came together: in that wall was a door, said to +lead into the next house: for the first time she saw it open! + +The man came nearer and nearer: it was Christopher! She rose, and held +out her hand. + +"You are surprised to see me!" he said, "--and well you may be! Am I in +your house?--And this watch! what does it mean? I seem to recognize the +sweet face! I must have seen you and it together before!--Yes! it is +Moxy!" + +"You are right, Mr. Christopher," she answered. "Dear little Moxy died +of the small-pox in our cellar. He was just gone when I found them +there." + +"Is it wise of you to expose yourself so much to the infection?" said +the doctor. + +"Is it worthy of you to ask such a question?" returned Hester. "We have +our work to do; life or death is the care of him who sets the work." + +The doctor bent his head low, lower, and lower still, before her. +Nothing moves a man more than to recognize in another the principles +which are to himself a necessity of his being and history. + +"I put the question to know on what grounds you based your action," he +replied, "and I am answered." + +"Tell me then," said Hester, "how you came to be here. It seemed to my +sleepy eyes as if an angel had melted his own door through the wall! Are +you free of ordinary hindrances?" She asked almost in seriousness; for, +with the lovely dead before her, in the middle of the night, roused +suddenly from a sleep into which she had fallen with her thoughts full +of the shining resurrection of the Lord, she would have believed him at +once if he had told her that for the service of the Lord's poor he was +enabled to pass where he pleased. He smiled with a wonderful sweetness +as he made answer: + +"I hope you are not one of those who so little believe that the world +and its ways belong to God, that they want to have his presence proved +by something out of the usual way--something not so good; for surely the +way He chooses to work almost always, must be a better way than that in +which he only works now and then because of a special necessity!" + +By these words Hester perceived she was in the presence of one who +understood the things of which he spoke. + +"I came here in the simplest way in the world," he went on, "though I am +no less surprised than you to find myself in your presence." + +"The thing is to me a marvel," said Hester. + +"It shall not be such a moment longer. I was called to see a patient. +When I went to return as I came, I found the door by which I had entered +locked. I then remembered that I had passed a door on the stair, and +went back to try it. It was bolted on the side to the stair. I withdrew +the bolts, opened the door gently, and beheld one of the most impressive +sights I ever saw. Shall I tell you what I saw?" + +"Do," answered Hester. + +"I saw," said Christopher with solemnity, "the light shining in the +darkness, and the darkness comprehending it not--six candles, and only +the up-turned face of the dead, and the down-turned face of the +sleeping! I seemed to look into the heart of things, and see the whole +waste universe waiting for the sonship, for the redemption of the body, +the visible life of men! I saw that love, trying to watch by death, had +failed, because the thing that is not needs not to be watched. I saw all +this and more. I think I must have unconsciously pushed the door against +the wall, for somehow I made a noise with it, and you woke." + +Hester's face alone showed that she understood him. She turned and +looked at Moxy to calm the emotion to which she would not give scope. + +Christopher stood silent, as if brooding on what he had seen. She could +not ask him to sit down, but she must understand how he had got into the +house. Where was his patient? "In the next house, of course!" she +concluded. But the thing wanted looking into! That door must be secured +on their side? Their next midnight visitor might not be so welcome as +this, whose heart burned to the same labour as her own! "But what we +really want," she thought, "is to have more not fewer of our doors open, +if they be but the right ones for the angels to come and go!" + +"I never saw that door open before," she said, "and none of us knew +where it led. We took it for granted it was into the next house, but the +old lady was so cross,--" + +Here she checked herself; for if Mr. Christopher had just come from that +house, he might be a friend of the old lady's! + +"It goes into no lady's house, so far as I understand," said +Christopher. "The stair leads to a garret--I should fancy over our heads +here--much higher up, though." + +"Would you show me how you came in?" said Hester. + +"With pleasure," he answered, and taking one of the candles, led the +way. + +"I would not let the young woman leave her husband to show me out," he +went on. "When I found myself a prisoner, I thought I would try this +door before periling the sleep of a patient in the small-pox. You seem +to have it all round you here!" + +Through the door so long mysterious Hester stepped on a narrow, steep +stair. Christopher turned downward, and trod softly. At the bottom he +passed through a door admitting them to a small cellar, a mere recess. +Thence they issued into that so lately occupied by the Frankses. +Christopher went to the door Hester had locked, and said, + +"This is where I came in. I suppose one of your people must have locked +it." + +"I locked it myself," replied Hester, and told him in brief the story of +the evening. + +"I see!" said Christopher; "we must have passed through just after you +had taken them away." + +"And now the question remains," said Hester, "--who can it be in our +house without our knowledge? The stair is plainly in our house." + +"Beyond a doubt," said Christopher. "But how strange it is you should +know your own house so imperfectly! I fancy the young couple, having got +into some difficulty, found entrance the same way the Frankses did; only +they went farther and fared better!--to the top of the house, I mean. +They've managed to make themselves pretty comfortable too! There is +something peculiar about them--I can hardly say what in a word." + +"Could I not go up with you to-morrow and see them!" said Hester. + +"That would hardly do, I fear. I could be of no farther use to them were +they to suppose I had betrayed them. You have a perfect right to know +what is going on in your house, but I would rather not appear in the +discovery. One thing is plain, you must either go to them, or unlock the +cellar-door. You will be taken with the young woman. She is a capable +creature--an excellent nurse. Shall I go out this way?" + +"Will you come to-morrow?" said Hester. "I am alone, and cannot ask +anybody to help me because of the small-pox; and I shall want help for +the funeral. You do not think me troublesome?" + +"Not in the least. It is all in the way of my business. I will manage +for you." + +"Come then; I will show you the way out. This is no. 18, Addison square. +You need not come in the cellar-way next time." + +"If I were you," said Christopher, stopping at the foot of the kitchen +stair, "I would leave the key in that cellar-door. The poor young woman +would be terrified to find they were prisoners." + +She turned immediately and went back, he following, and replaced the +key. + +"Now let us fasten up the door I came in by," said Christopher. "I have +got a screw in my pocket, and I never go without my tool-knife." + +This was soon done, and he went. + +What a strange night it had been for Hester--more like some unbelievable +romance! For the time she had forgotten her own troubles! Ah, if she had +been of one mind with lord Gartley, those poor creatures would be now +moaning in darkness by the dead body of their child, or out with it in +their arms in the streets, or parted asunder in the casual wards of some +workhouse! Certainly God could have sent them other help than hers, but +where would _she_ be then--a fellow-worker with his lordship, and +not with God--one who did it not to _him_! Woe for the wife whose +husband has no regard to her deepest desires, her highest +aspirations!--who loves her so that he would be the god of her idolatry, +not the friend and helper of her heart, soul, and mind! Many of Hester's +own thoughts were revealed to her that night by the side of the dead +Moxy. It became clear to her that she had been led astray, in part by +the desire to rescue one to whom God had not sent her, in part by the +pleasure of being loved and worshipped, and in part by worldly ambition. +Surer sign would God have sent her had he intended she should give +herself to Gartley! Would God have her give herself to one who would +render it impossible for her to make life more abundant to others? +Marriage might be the absorbing duty of some women, but was it +necessarily hers? Certainly not with such a man? Might not the duties of +some callings be incompatible with marriage? Did not the providence of +the world ordain that not a few should go unmarried? The children of the +married would be but ill cared for were there only the married to care +for them! It was one thing to die for a man--another to enslave God's +child to the will of one who did not know him! Was a husband to take the +place of Christ, and order her life for her? Was man enough for woman? +Did she not need God? It came to that! Was he or God to be her master? +It grew clearer and clearer as she watched by the dead. There was, there +could be no relation of life over which the Lord of life was not +supreme! That this or that good woman could do this or that faithless or +mean thing, was nothing to her! What might be unavoidable to one less +instructed, would be sin in her! The other might heed the sufferings and +confusions that resulted; but for her must remain a fearful looking for +of judgment and fiery indignation! + +When the morning came and she heard Sarah stirring, she sent her to take +her place, and went to get a little rest. + + + + +CHAPTER XLV. + +MORE YET. + + +But she could not sleep. She rose, went back to the room where the dead +Moxy lay, and sent Sarah to get breakfast ready. Then came upon her an +urgent desire to know the people who had come, like swallows, to tenant, +without leave asked, the space overhead. She undid the screw, opened the +door, and stole gently up the stair, steep, narrow and straight, which +ran the height of the two rooms between two walls. A long way up she +came to another door, and peeping through a chink in it, saw that it +admitted to the small orchestra high in the end-wall of the great room. +Probably then the stair and the room below had been an arrangement for +the musicians. + +Going higher yet, till she all but reached the roof, the stair brought +her to a door. She knocked. No sound of approaching foot followed, but +after some little delay it was opened by a young woman, with her finger +on her lip, and something of a scared look in her eye. She had expected +to see the doctor, and started and trembled at sight of Hester. There +was little light where she stood, but Hester could not help feeling as +if she had not merely seen her somewhere before. She came out on the +landing and shut the door behind her. + +"He is very ill," she said; "and he hears a strange voice even in his +sleep. A strange voice is dreadful to him." + +Her voice was not strange, and the moment she spoke it seemed to light +up her face: Hester, with a pang she could scarcely have accounted for, +recognized Amy Amber. + +"Amy!" she said. + +"Oh, Miss Raymount!" cried Amy joyfully, "is it indeed you? Are you come +at last? I thought I was never to see you any more!" + +"You bewilder me," said Hester. "How do you come to be here? I don't +understand." + +"_He_ brought me here." + +"_Who_ brought you here?" + +"Why, miss!" exclaimed Amy, as if hearing the most unexpected of +questions, "who should it be?" + +"I have not the slightest idea," returned Hester. + +But the same instant a feeling strangely mingled of alarm, discomfort, +indignation, and relief crossed her mind. + +Through her whiteness Amy turned whiter still, and she turned a little +away, like a person offended. + +"There is but one, miss!" she said coldly. "Who should it be but him?" + +"Speak his name," said Hester almost sternly. "This is no time for +hide-and-seek. Tell me whom you mean." + +"Are you angry with me?" faltered Amy. "Oh, Miss Raymount, I don't think +I deserve it!" + +"Speak out, child! Why should I be angry with you?" + +"Do you know what it is?--Oh, I hardly know what I am saying! He is +dying! he is dying!" + +She sank on the floor, and covered her face with her hands. Hester stood +a moment and looked at her weeping, her heart filled with sad dismay, +mingled with a kind of wan hope. Then softly and quickly she opened the +door of the room and went in. + +Amy started to her feet, but too late to prevent her, and followed +trembling, afraid to speak, but relieved to find that Hester moved so +noiselessly. + +It was a great room, but the roof came down to the floor nearly all +round. It was lighted only with a skylight. In the farthest corner was a +screen. Hester crept gently towards it, and Amy after her, not +attempting to stop her. She came to the screen and peeped behind it. +There lay a young man in a troubled sleep, his face swollen and red and +blotched with the small-pox; but through the disfigurement she +recognized her brother. Her eyes filled with tears; she turned away, and +stole out again as softly as she came in. Amy had been looking up at her +anxiously; when she saw the tenderness of her look, she gathered courage +and followed her. Outside, Hester stopped, and Amy again closed the +door. + +"You _will_ forgive him, won't you, miss?" she said pitifully, + +"What do you want me to forgive him for, Amy?" asked Hester, suppressing +her tears. + +"I don't know, miss. You seemed angry with him. I don't know what to +make of it. Sometimes I feel certain it must have been his illness +coming on that made him weak in his head and talk foolishness; and +sometimes I wonder whether he has really been doing anything wrong." + +"He must have been doing something wrong, else how should _you_ be +here, Amy?" said Hester with hasty judgment. + +"He never told me, miss: or of course I would have done what I could to +prevent it," answered Amy, bewildered. "We were so happy, miss, till +then! and we've never had a moment's peace since! That's why we came +here--to be where nobody would find us. I wonder how he came to know the +place!" + +"Do _you_ not know where you are then, Amy?" + +"No, miss; not in the least. I only know where to buy the things we +need. He has not been out once since we came." + +"You are in our house, Amy. What will my father say!--How long have +you--have you been--" + +Something in her heart or her throat prevented Hester from finishing the +sentence. + +"How long have I been married to him, miss? You surely know that as well +as I do, miss!" + +"My poor Amy! Did he make you believe we knew about it?" + +Amy gave a cry, but after her old way instantly crammed her handkerchief +into her mouth, and uttered no further smallest sound. + +"Alas!" said Hester, "I fear he has been more wicked than we know! But, +Amy, he has done something besides very wrong." + +Amy covered her face with her apron, through which Hester could see her +soundless sobs. + +"I have been doing what I could to find him," continued Hester, "and +here he was close to me all the time! But it adds greatly to my misery +to find you with him, Amy!" + +"Indeed, miss, I may have been silly; but how was I to suspect he was +not telling me the truth? I loved him too much for that! I told him I +would not marry him without he had his father's leave. And he pretended +he had got it, and read me such a beautiful letter from his mother! Oh, +miss, it breaks my heart to think of it!" + +A new fear came upon Hester: had he deceived the poor girl with a +pretended marriage? Was he bad through and through? What her father +would say to a marriage, was hard to think; what he would say to a +deception, she knew! That he would like such a marriage, she could ill +imagine; but might not the sense of escape from an alternative reconcile +him to it? + +Such thoughts passed swiftly through her mind as she stood half turned +from Amy, looking down the deep stair that sank like a precipice before +her. She heard nothing, but Amy started and turned to the door. She was +following her, when Amy said, in a voice almost of terror, + +"Please, miss, do not let him see you till I have told him you are +here." + +"Certainly not," answered Hester, and drew back,--"if you think the +sight of me would hurt him!" + +"Thank you, miss; I am sure it would," whispered Amy. "He is frightened +of you." + +"Frightened of me!" said Hester to herself, repeating Amy's phrase, when +she had gone in, leaving her at the head of the stair. "I should have +thought he only disliked me! I wonder if he would have loved me a +little, if he had not been afraid of me! Perhaps I could have made him +if I had tried. It is easier then to wake fear than love!" + +It may be very well for a nature like Corney's to fear a father: fear +does come in for some good where love is wanting: but I doubt if fear of +a sister can be of any good. + +"If he couldn't love me," thought Hester, "it would have been better he +hadn't been afraid of me. Now comes the time when it renders me unable +to help him!" + +When first it began to dawn upon Hester that there was in her a certain +hardness of character distinct in its nature from that unbending +devotion to the right which is imperative--belonging in truth to the +region of her weakness--that self which fears for itself, and is of +death, not of life. But she was one of those who, when they discover a +thing in them that is wrong, take refuge in the immediate endeavour to +set it right--with the conviction that God is on their side to help +them: for wherein, if not therein, is he God our Saviour? + +She went down to the house, to get everything she could think of to make +the place more comfortable: it would be long before the patient could be +moved. In particular she sought out a warm fur cloak for Amy. Poor Amy! +she was but the shadow of her former self, but a shadow very pretty and +pleasant to look on. Hester's heart was sore to think of such a bright, +good honest creature married to a man like her brother. But she was sure +however credulous she might have been, she had done nothing to be +ashamed of. Where there was blame it must all be Corney's! + +It was with feelings still strangely mingled of hope and dismay, that, +having carried everything she could at the time up the stair, she gave +herself to the comfort of her other guests. + +Left alone in London, Corney had gone idly ranging about the house when +another man would have been reading, or doing something with his hands. +Curious in correspondent proportion to his secrecy, for the qualities go +together, the moment he happened to cast his eyes on the door in the +wainscot of the low room, no one being in the house to interfere with +him, he proceeded to open it. He little thought then what his discovery +would be to him, for at that time he had done nothing to make him fear +his fellow-men. But he kept the secret after his kind. + +Contriving often to meet Amy, he had grown rapidly more and more fond of +her--became indeed as much in love with her as was possible to him; and +though the love of such a man can never be of a lofty kind, it may yet +be the best thing in him, and the most redemptive power upon him. +Without a notion of denying himself anything he desired and could +possibly have, he determined she should be his, but from fear as well as +tortuosity, avoided the direct way of gaining her: the straight line +would not, he judged, be the shortest: his father would never, or only +after unendurable delay, consent to his marriage with a girl like Amy! +How things might have gone had he not found her even unable to receive a +thought that would have been dishonorable to him, and had he not come to +pride himself on her simplicity and purity, I cannot say; but he +contrived to persuade her to a private marriage--contrived also to +prevent her from communicating with her sister. + +His desire to please her, his passion for showing off, and the +preparations his design seemed to render necessary, soon brought him +into straits for money. He could not ask his father, who would have +insisted on knowing how it was that he found his salary insufficient, +seeing he was at no expense for maintenance, having only to buy his +clothes. He went on and on, hiding his eyes from the approach of the +"armed man," till he was in his grasp, and positively in want of a +shilling. Then he borrowed, and went on borrowing small sums from those +about him, till he was ashamed to borrow more. The next thing was to +_borrow_ a trifle of what was passing through his hands. He was +merely borrowing, and of his own uncle! It was a shame his uncle should +have so much and leave him in such straits!--be rolling in wealth and +pay him such a contemptible salary! It was the height of injustice! Of +course he would replace it long before any one knew! Thus by degrees the +poor weak creature, deluding himself with excuses, slipped into the +consciousness of being a rogue. There are some, I suspect, who fall into +vice from being so satisfied with themselves that they scorn to think it +possible they should ever do wrong. + +He went on taking and taking until at last he was obliged to confess to +himself that there was no possibility of making restoration before the +time when his _borrowing_ must be embezzlement. Then in a kind of +cold despair he laid hold upon a large sum and left the bank an +unconvicted felon. What story he told Amy, to whom he was by this time +married, I do not know; but once convinced of the necessity for +concealment, she was as careful as himself. He brought her to their +refuge by the back way. She went and came only through the cellar, and +knew no other entrance. When they found that, through Amy's leaving the +door unfastened when she went to buy, there being no way of securing it +from the outside, others had taken refuge in the cellar, they dared not, +for fear of attracting attention to themselves, warn them off the +premises. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI. + +AMY AND CORNEY. + + +The Frankses remained at rest until the funeral was over, and then +Hester would have father and sons go out to follow their calling, while +the mother and she did what could be done for the ailing baby, who could +not linger long behind Moxy. + +Hester had a little money of her own--not much, but enough to restore to +decency, with the help of the wife's fingers, the wardrobe of the +family. For the present she would not let them leave the house; she must +have them in better condition first, and with a little money in their +pockets of their own earning. And the very first day, though they went +out with heavy hearts, and could hardly have played with much spirit, +they brought home more money than any day for weeks before. And Franks +as he walked home weary, took some comfort that his Moxy was not with +him to trouble his mother with his white face and drawn look. + +The same day lord Gartley called, but was informed by Sarah, who opened +the door but a chink, that the small-pox was in the house, and that she +could admit no one but the doctor. To his exclamation she made answer +that her young mistress was perfectly well, but could and would see +nobody--was in attendance upon the sick. So his lordship was compelled +to go without seeing her, not without a haunting doubt that he was being +played upon, and she did not want to see him. + +As had happened more than once before, soon after he was gone the major +made his appearance. To him Sarah gave the same answer, adding by her +mistress's directions, that in the meantime there was no occasion to +prosecute inquiry about Mr. Cornelius, for it was all--as Sarah put +it--explained, and her mistress would write to him. + +But what was Hester to tell her father and mother? Until she knew with +certainty the fact of her marriage, she shrank from mentioning Amy; and +at present it was impossible to find out anything from Cornelius. She +merely wrote, therefore, that she had found him, but very ill; that she +would take the best care of him she could, and as soon as he was able to +be moved, bring him home to be nursed by his mother. + +The great room was for the mean time given over to the Frankses. The +wife kept everything tidy, and they managed things their own way. Hester +made inquiry now and then, to be sure they were having everything they +wanted, but left them to provide for themselves. + +She did her best to help Amy without letting her brother suspect her +presence, and by degrees she got the room more comfortable for them. +Corney had indeed taken a good many things from the house to make +habitable the waste expanse, but had been careful not to take anything +Sarah would miss. + +He was covered with the terrible eruption, and if he survived, which +again and again seemed doubtful, would probably be much changed, for Amy +could not keep his hands from his face: in trifles the lack of +self-restraint is manifested, and its consequences are sometimes +grievous. + +Hitherto Hester had not let her parents quite know how ill he was--for +what may seem a far-fetched reason--not to save them from anxiety, but +to save her mother from hearing his father say, the best thing he could +do would be to die. Nor was she mistaken: many a time had her father +said so to himself. It was simply impossible, he said, that he should +ever again speak to him or in any way treat him as a son. He had by his +vile conduct ceased to be a son, and he was nowise bound to do anything +more for him; though, from mere compassion, he would keep him from +starving till he got some employment to which no character was +necessary. + +He began at last to recover, but it was long before he could be treated +otherwise than as a child--so feeble was he, and so unreasonable. The +first time he saw and knew Hester, he closed his eyes and turned away +his head as if he would have no more of that apparition. She retired; +but, watching, presently saw him, in his own sly way, looking through +half closed lids to know whether she was gone. When he saw Amy where +Hester had stood, his face beamed up. "Amy," he said, "come here;" and +when she went, he took her hand and laid it on his cheek, little knowing +what a disfigured cheek it was. + +"Thank God!" said Hester to herself: she had never seen him look so +sweet or loving or lovable, despite his disfigurement. + +She took care not to show herself again till he should be a little +accustomed to the idea of her presence. + +The more she saw of Amy the better she liked her. She treated her +patient with so much good sense, showed such a readiness to subordinate +her ignorance to the wisdom of others, and such a careful obedience to +the directions of the doctor, that she rose every day in Hester's +opinion, as well as found a yet deeper place in her heart. + +His lordship wrote, making an apology for anything he had said, from +anxiety about one whom he loved to distraction, in which he might have +presumed on the closeness of their relation to each other. He would +gladly talk the whole matter over with her as soon as she gave him +leave. For his part he had not a moment's doubt that her good sense, +relieved from the immediate pressure of her feelings, which were in +themselves but too divine for the needs of this world, would convince +her of the reasonableness of all he had sought to urge upon her. As soon +as she was able, and judged it safe to admit a visitor, his aunt would +be happy to call upon her. + +For the present, as he knew she would not admit him, he would content +himself with frequent and most anxious inquiries after her, reserving +argument and expostulation for a happier, and, he hoped, not very +distant time. + +Hester smiled a curious smile at the prospect of a call from Miss +Vavasor: was she actually going to plead her nephew's cause? + +As her brother grew better, and things became easier, the thought of +lord Gartley came oftener, with something of the old feeling for the man +himself, but mingled with sadness and a strange pity. She would never +have been able to do anything for him! It had been in her spiritual +presumption to think she could save him by the preciousness of her +self-gift to him and the strength of her power over him! + +If God cannot save a man by all his good gifts, not even by the gift of +a woman offered to his higher nature, but by that refused, the woman's +giving of herself a slave to his lower nature can only make him the more +unredeemable; while the withholding of herself may do something--may at +least, as the years go on, wake in him some sense of what a fool he had +been. The man who would go to the dogs for lack of the woman he fancies, +will go to the dogs when he has her--may possibly drag her to the dogs +with him. + +Hester began to see something of this. She recalled how she had never +once gained from him a satisfactory reply to anything she said worth +saying; she had in her foolishness supplied from her own imagination the +defective echoes of his response! Love had made her apt and able to do +this; but now that she had yielded entrance to doubt, she saw many +things otherwise than before. She loved the man enough to die for him: +she would not have one moment hesitated about that; but it was quite +another thing to marry him! It was her brother now she had to save! His +dear, good little wife was doing all she could for him, but it would +take sister and mother and all to save him! She could not do so much for +him as Amy now, but by and by there would be his father to meditate +with: to that she would give her energy! + +But his poor mother! would she recognize him--so terribly scarred and +changed? He might in time, being young, grow more like himself, but now +he was not pleasant to look upon. Some men are as vain as any women, and +Corney was one of those some. While pretending to despise the kindest +word concerning his good looks, he had taken the greatest pleasure in +them; and the first time he saw himself in a mirror, the look of dismay, +of despairing horror that came over his face was as pitiful as it was +ludicrous. He had been accustomed to regard himself as one superior on +most grounds, on that of good looks in particular, to any one he +knew--and now! He could not but admit that he was nothing less than +unpleasant to behold--must be so even to those who loved him! It was a +pain that in itself could do little to cast out the evil spirit that +possessed him, but it was something that that evil spirit, while it +remained in him, should be deprived of one source of its nourishment. It +was a good thing that from any cause the transgressor should find his +ways hard. He dashed the glass from him, and burst into tears which he +did not even try to conceal. + +It was notable that from that time he was more dejected, and less +peevish; and this latter might not be only from returning health, for he +had always been more or less peevish at home, where he never thought of +cultivating the same conception or idea of himself as before the eyes of +the world. Much of supposed goodness is merely a looking of the thing +men would like to be considered--originating doubtless sometimes in an +admiration of, perhaps in a vague wish to be that thing, but +unaccompanied of desire or strength enough to rouse the smallest +endeavour after being it. Still Hester found it difficult to bear with +his remaining peevishness and bad temper, knowing what he had made of +himself, and that he knew she must know it; but at such hard moments she +had the good sense to leave him to the soothing ministrations of his +wife. Amy never set herself against him: first of all she would show him +that she understood what was troubling him: then would say something +sympathetic, or petting, or coaxing, and always had her way with him. +She had the great advantage that not yet had he once quarrelled with +her. + +That gave a ground of hope for her influence with him that his sister +had long lost. God had made Amy so that she had less trouble from +selfishness than all but a few people. Hester, more than Amy, felt her +own rights, and was ready to be indignant. She would have far more +trouble than Amy in getting rid of the self-asserting self in her, which +closes the door against heaven's divinest gifts. In Hester it was no +doubt associated with a loftier nature, and the harder victory would +have its greater reward, but until finally conquered it must continue to +obstruct her walk in the true way. So Hester learned from the sweetness +of Amy, as Amy from the unbending principle of Hester. + +She at last made up her mind that she would take Cornelius home without +giving her father the opportunity of saying he should not come. She +would presume that he must go home after such an illness: the result she +would wait! The meeting could in no case be a happy one, but if he were +not altogether repulsed, if the mean devil in him was not thoroughly +roused by the harshness of his father, she would think much had been +gained! + +With gentle watchfulness she regarded Amy, and was more and more +satisfied that, whatever might be wrong, she had had a share in it not +as one who did, but as one who endured wrong. The sweetness and devotion +with which she seemed to live only for her husband was to Hester, who +found it impossible to take such a position even in imagination towards +Gartley, in her tenderer moments almost a rebuke. But she could not +believe that had Amy known before she married him what kind of person +Cornelius was, she would have given herself to him. She did not think +how nearly the man she had once accepted stood on the same level of +manhood. But Amy was the wife of Cornelius, and that made an eternal +difference. Her duty was as plain as Hester's--and the same--to do the +best for him! + +When he was able to be moved, Hester brought them into the house, and +placed them in a comfortable room. She then moved the Frankses into the +room they had left, making it over to them, subject to her father's +pleasure, for a time at least. With their own entrance through the +cellar, they were to live there after their own fashion, and follow +their own calling, only they were to let Hester know if they found +themselves in any difficulty. And now for the first time in her life she +wished she had some means of her own, that she might act with freedom. +She had seen hope of freedom in marriage, but now she wished it in +independence. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVII. + +MISS VAVASOR. + + +About three weeks after lord Gartley's call, during which he had left a +good many cards in Addison square, Hester received the following letter +from Miss Vavasor: "My dear Miss Raymount, I am very anxious to see you, +but fear it is hardly safe to go to you yet. You with your heavenly +spirit do not regard such things, but I am not so much in love with the +future as to risk my poor present for it. Neither would I willingly be +the bearer of infection into my own circle: I am not so selfish as to be +careless about that. But communicate with you somehow I must, and that +for your own sake as well as Gartley's who is pining away for lack of +the sunlight of your eyes. I throw myself entirely on your judgment. If +you tell me you consider yourself out of quarantine, I will come to you +at once; if you do not, will you propose something, for meet we must." + +Hester pondered well before returning an answer. She could hardly say, +she replied, that there was no danger, for her brother, who had been +ill, was yet in the house, too weak for the journey to Yrndale. She +would rather suggest, therefore, that they should meet in some quiet +corner of one of the parks. She need hardly add she would take every +precaution against carrying infection. + +The proposal proved acceptable to Miss Vavasor. She wrote suggesting +time and place. Hester agreed, and they met. + +Hester appeared on foot, having had to dismiss her cab at the gate; Miss +Vavasor, who had remained seated in her carriage; got down as soon as +she saw her, and having sent it away, advanced to meet her with a smile: +she was perfect in skin-hospitality. + +"How long is it now," she began, "since you saw Gartley?" + +"Three weeks or a month," replied Hester. + +"I am afraid, sadly afraid, you cannot be much of a lover, not to have +seen him for so long and look so fresh!" smiled Miss Vavasor, with +gently implied reproach, and followed the words with a sigh, as if +_she_ had memories of a different complexion. + +"When one has one's work to do,--" said Hester. + +"Ah, yes!" returned Miss Vavasor, not waiting for the sentence, "I +understand you have some peculiar ideas about work. That kind of thing +is spreading very much in our circle too. I know many ladies who visit +the poor. They complain there are so few unobjectionable tracts to give +them. The custom came in with these Woman's-rights. I fear they will +upset everything before long. But I hope the world will last my time. No +one can tell where such things will end." + +"No," replied Hester. "Nothing has ever stopped yet." + +"Is that as much as to say that nothing ever will stop?" + +"I think it is something like it," said Hester. + +"We know nothing about the ends of things--only the beginnings." + +There had been an air of gentle raillery in Miss Vavasor's tone, and +Hester used the same, for she had no hope of coming to an understanding +with her about anything. + +"Then the sooner we do the better! I don't see else how things are to go +on at all!" said Miss Vavasor, revealing the drop of Irish blood in her. + +"When the master comes he will stop a good deal," thought Hester, but +she did not say it. She could not allude to such things without at least +a possibility of response. + +"You and Gartley had a small misunderstanding, he tells me, the last +time you met," continued Miss Vavasor, after a short pause. + +"I think not," answered Hester; "at least I fancy I understood him very +well." + +"My dear Miss Raymount, you must not be offended with me. I am an old +woman, and have had to compose differences that had got in the way of +their happiness between goodness knows how many couples. I am not +boasting when I say I have had considerable experience in that sort of +thing." + +"I do not doubt it," said Hester. "What I do doubt is, that you have had +any experience of the sort necessary to set things right between lord +Gartley and myself. The fact is, for I will be perfectly open with you, +that I saw then--for the first time plainly, that to marry him would be +to lose my liberty." + +"Not more, my dear, than every woman does who marries at all. I presume +you will allow marriage and its duties to be the natural calling of a +woman?" + +"Certainly." + +"Then she ought not to complain of the loss of her liberty." + +"Not of so much as is naturally involved in _marriage_, I allow." + +"Then why draw back from your engagement to Gartley?" + +"Because he requires me to turn away at once, and before any necessity +shows itself, from the exercise of a higher calling yet." + +"I am not aware of any higher calling." + +"I am. God has given me gifts to use for my fellows, and use them I must +till he, not man, stops me. That is my calling." + +"But you know that of necessity a woman must give up many things when +she accepts the position of a wife, and possibly the duties of a +mother." + +"The natural claims upon a wife or mother I would heartily acknowledge." + +"Then of course to the duties of a wife belong the claims Society has +upon her as a wife." + +"So far as I yet know what is meant in your circle by such claims, I +count them the merest usurpations: I will never subject myself to +such--never put myself in a position where I should be expected to obey +a code of laws not merely opposed to the work for which I was made, but +to all the laws of the relations to each other of human beings as human +beings." + +"I do not quite understand you," said Miss Vavasor. + +"Well, for instance," returned Hester, willing to give the question a +general bearing, "a mother in your class, according at least to much +that I have heard, considers the duties she owes to society, duties that +consist in what looks to me the merest dissipation and killing of time, +as paramount even to those of a mother. Because of those 'traditions of +men,' or fancies of fashionable women rather, she justifies herself in +leaving her children in the nursery to the care of other women--the +vulgarest sometimes." + +"Not knowingly," said Miss Vavasor. "We are all liable to mistakes." + +"But certainly," insisted Hester, "without taking the pains necessary to +know for themselves the characters of those to whom they trust the +children God has given to their charge; whereas to abandon them to the +care of angels themselves would be to go against the laws of nature and +the calling of God." + +Miss Vavasor began to think it scarcely desirable to bring a woman of +such levelling opinions into their quiet circle: she would be preaching +next that women were wicked who did not nurse their own brats! But she +would be faithful to Gartley! + +"To set up as reformers would be to have the whole hive about our ears," +she said. + +"That may be," replied Hester, "but it does not apply to me. I keep the +beam out of my own eye which I have no hope of pulling out of my +neighhour's. I do not belong to your set." + +"But you are about to belong to it, I hope." + +"I hope not." + +"You are engaged to marry my nephew." + +"Not irrevocably, I trust." + +"You should have thought of all that before you gave your consent. +Gartley thought you understood. Certainly our circle is not one for +saints." + +"Honest women would be good enough for me. But I thought I had done and +said more than was necessary to make Gartley understand my ideas of what +was required of me in life, and I thought he sympathized with me so far +at least that he would be what help to me he could. Now I find instead +of this, that he never believed I meant what I said, but all the time +intended to put a stop to the aspiration of my life the moment he had it +in his power to do so." + +"Ah, my dear young lady, you do not know what love is!" said Miss +Vavasor, and sighed again as if _she_ knew what love was. And in +truth she had been in love at least once in her youth, but had yielded +without word of remonstrance when her parents objected to her marrying +three hundred a year, and a curacy of _fifty_. She saw it was +reasonable: what fellowship can light have with darkness, or love with +starvation? "A woman really in love," she went on, "is ready to give up +everything, yes, my dear, _everything_ for the man she loves. She +who is not equal to that, does not know what love is." + +"Suppose he should prove unworthy of her?" + +"That would be nothing, positively nothing. If she had once learned to +love him she would see no fault in him." + +"_Whatever_ faults he might have?" + +"Whatever faults: love has no second thoughts." + +"Suppose he were to show himself regardless of her best welfare--caring +for her only as an adjunct to his display?" + +"If she loved him, I only say _if she loved him_, she would be +proud to follow in his triumph. His glory is hers." + +"Whether it be real or not?" + +"If he counts it so. A woman who loves gives herself to her husband to +be moulded by him." + +"I fear that is the way men think of us," said Hester, sadly; "and no +doubt there are women whose behaviour would justify them in it. With all +my heart I say a woman ought to be ready to die for the man she loves; +that is a matter of course; she cannot really love him if she would not; +but that she should fall in with all his thoughts, feelings, and +judgments whatever, even such as in others she would most heartily +despise; that she should act as if her husband and not God made her, and +his whims, instead of the lovely will of him who created man and woman, +were to be to her the bonds of her being--that surely no woman could +grant who had not first lost her reason." + +"You won't lose yours for love at least," concluded Miss Vavasor, who +could not help admiring her ability, though she despised the direction +it took. "I see," she said to herself, "she is one of the strong-minded +who think themselves superior to any man. Gartley will be well rid of +her--that is my conviction! I think I have done nearly all he could +require of me." + +"I tell you honestly," continued Hester, "I love lord Gartley so well +that I would gladly yield my life to do him any worthy good."--"It is +easy to talk," said Miss Vavasor to herself.--"Not that that is saying +much," Hester went on, "for I would do that to redeem any human creature +from the misery of living without God. I would even marry lord +Gartley--I think I would, after what has passed--if only I knew that he +would not try to prevent me from being the woman I ought to be and have +to be;--perhaps I would--I am not clear about it just at this moment: +never, if I were married to him, would I be so governed by him that he +should do that! But who would knowingly marry for strife and debate? Who +would deliberately add to the difficulties of being what she ought to +be, what she desired, and was determined, with God's help, to be! I for +one will not take an enemy into the house of my life. I will not make it +a hypocrisy to say, 'Lead us not into temptation.' I grant you a wife +must love her husband grandly'--passionately, if you like the word; but +there is one to be loved immeasurably more grandly, yea +_passionately_, if the word means anything true and good in +love--he whose love creates love. Can you for a moment imagine, when the +question came between my Lord and my husband, I would hesitate?" + +"'Tis a pity you were not born in the middle ages," said Miss Vavasor, +smiling, but with a touch of gentle scorn in the superiority of her +tone; "you would certainly have been canonized!" + +"But now I am sadly out of date--am I not?" returned Hester, trying to +smile also. + +"I could no more consent to live in God's world without minding what he +told me, than I would marry a man merely because he admired me." + +"Heavens," exclaimed Miss Vavasor to what she called herself, "what an +extravagant young woman! She won't do for us! You'll have to let her +fly, my dear boy!" + +What she said to Hester was, + +"Don't you think, my dear, all that sounds a little--just a little +extravagant? You know as well as I do--you have just confessed it--that +the kind of thing is out of date--does not belong to the world of +to-day. And when a thing is once of the past, it cannot be called back, +do what you will. Nothing will ever bring in that kind of thing again. +It is all very well to go to church and that sort of thing; I should be +the last to encourage the atheism that is getting so frightfully common, +but really it seems to me such extravagant notions about religion as you +have been brought up in must have not a little to do with the present +sad state of affairs--must in fact go far to make atheists. Civilization +will never endure to be priest-ridden." + +"It is my turn now," said Hester, "to say that I scarcely understand +you. Do you take God for a priest? Do you object to atheism, and yet +regard obedience to God as an invention of the priests? Was Jesus Christ +a priest? or did he say what was not true when he said that whoever +loved any one else more than him was not worthy of him? Or do you +confess it true, yet say it is of no consequence? If you do not care +about what he wants of you, I simply tell you that I care about nothing +else; and if ever I should change, I hope he will soon teach me +better--whatever sorrow may be necessary for me to that end. I desire +not to care a straw about anything he does not care about." + +"It is very plain, at least," said Miss Vavasor, "that you do not love +my nephew as he deserves to be loved--or as any woman ought to love the +man to whom she has given her consent to be his wife! You have very +different ideas from such as were taught in my girlhood concerning the +duties of wives! A woman, I used to be told, was to fashion herself upon +her husband, fit her life to his life, her thoughts to his thoughts, her +tastes to his tastes." + +Absurd indeed would have seemed, to any one really knowing the two, the +idea of a woman like Hester fitting herself into the mould of such a man +as lord Gartley!--for what must be done with the quantity of her that +would be left over after his lordship's mould was filled! The notion of +squeezing a large, divine being, like Hester, into the shape of such a +poor, small, mean, worldly, time-serving fellow, would have been so +convincingly ludicrous as to show at once the theory on which it was +founded for the absurdity it was. Instead of walking on together in +simple equality, in mutual honour and devotion, each helping the other +to be better still, to have the woman, large and noble, come cowering +after her pigmy lord, as if he were the god of her life, instead of a +Satan doing his best to damn her to his own meanness!--it is a contrast +that needs no argument! Not the less if the woman be married to such a +man, will it be her highest glory, by the patience of Christ, by the +sacrifice of self, yea of everything save the will of God, to win the +man, if he may by any means be won, from the misery of his self-seeking +to a noble shame of what he now delights in. + +"You are right," said Hester; "I do not love lord Gartley sufficiently +for that! Thank you, Miss Vavasor, you have helped me to the thorough +conviction that there could never have been any real union between us. +Can a woman love with truest wifely love a man who has no care that she +should attain to the perfect growth of her nature? _He_ would have +been quite content I should remain for ever the poor creature I +am--would never by word, or wish, or prayer, have sought to raise me +above myself! The man I shall love as I could love must be a greater man +than lord Gartley! He is not fit to make any woman love him so. If she +were so much less than he as to have to look up to him, she would be too +small to have any devotion in her. No! I will be a woman and not a +countess!--I wish you good morning, Miss Vavasor." + +"If I am not to help him," she said to herself, "what is there in reason +why I should marry him? His love, no doubt, is the best thing he has to +give, but a poor thing is his best, and save as an advantage for serving +him, not worth the having." What her love to him would have been three +months after marrying him, I am glad to have no occasion to imagine. + +She held out her hand. Miss Vavasor drew herself up, and looked a cold +annihilation into her eyes. The warm blood rose from Hester's heart to +her brain. Quietly she returned her gaze, nor blenched a moment. She +felt as if she were looking a far off idea in the face--as if she were +telling her what a poor miserable creature of money and manners, +ambitions and expediencies she thought her. Miss Vavasor, unused to +having such a full strong virgin look fixed fearless, without defiance, +but with utter disapproval, upon her, quailed--only a little, but as she +had never in her life quailed before. She forced her gaze, and Hester +felt that to withdraw her eyes would give her a false sense of victory. +She therefore continued her look, but had no need to force it, for she +knew she was the stronger. It seemed minutes where only seconds passed. +She smiled at last and said, + +"I am glad you are not going to be my aunt, Miss Vavasor." + +"Thank goodness, no!" cried Miss Vavasor, with a slightly hysterical +laugh. + +Notwithstanding her educated self-command, she felt cowed before the +majesty of Hester, for woman was face to face with woman, and the truth +was stronger than the lie. Had she then yielded to the motions within +her, she would, and it would have been but the second time in her life, +have broken into undignified objurgation. She had to go back to her +nephew and confess that she had utterly failed where she had expected, +if not an easy victory, yet the more a triumphant one! She had to tell +him that his lady was the most peculiar, most unreasonable young woman +she had ever had to deal with; and that she was not only unsuited to +him, but quite unworthy of him! He would conclude she had managed the +matter ill, and said things she ought not to have said! It was very hard +that she, who desired only to set things right, looking for no advantage +to herself--she who was recognized as a power in her own circle, should +have been so ignominiously foiled in the noble endeavour, having +sacrificed herself, to sacrifice also another upon the altar of her +beloved earldom! She could not reconcile herself to the thought. It did +not occur to her that there was a power here concerned altogether +different from any she had before encountered--namely a soul possessed +by truth and clad in the armour of righteousness. Of conscience that +dealt with the qualities of things, nor cared what had been decreed +concerning them by a class claiming for itself the apex of the world, +she had scarce even a shadowy idea; for never in her life had she +herself acted from any insight into primary quality. When therefore she +had to do with a girl who did not acknowledge the jurisdiction of the +law to which she bowed as supreme, she was out of her element--had got, +as it seemed to her, into water too shoal to swim in; whereas, in fact, +she had got into water too deep to wade in, and did not know how to +swim. + +She turned and walked away, attempting a show of dignity, but showing +only that Brummagem thing, haughtiness--an adornment the possessor alone +does not recognize as a counterfeit. Then Hester turned too, and walked +in the opposite direction, feeling that one supposed portion of her +history was but an episode, and at an end. + +She did not know that, both coming and going, she was attended at a near +distance by a tall, portly gentleman of ruddy complexion and military +bearing. He had beheld her interview--by no means overheard her +conversation--with Miss Vavasor, and had seen with delight the +unmistakable symptoms of serious difference which at last appeared, and +culminated in their parting. He did not venture to approach her, but +when she got into a cab, took a Hansom and followed her to the entrance +of the square, where he got down, his heart beating with exultant hope +that "the rascal ass of a nobleman" had been dismissed. + +All the time since he came to London with Hester, he had, as far as +possible to him, kept guard over her, and had known a good deal more of +her goings and comings than she was aware of--this with an unselfishness +of devotion that took from him the least suspicion of its being a thing +unwarrantable. He was like the dog which, not allowed to accompany his +master, follows him at a distance, ready to interfere at any moment when +such interference may be desirable. She had let him know that she had +found her brother, that he was very ill, and that she was helping to +nurse him; but she had not yet summoned him. In severe obedience to +orders, therefore, he did not even now call. Next day, however, he found +a summons waiting him at his club, and made haste to obey it. + +She had thought it better to prepare him for what she was about to ask +of him, therefore mentioned in her note that in a day or two she was +going to Yrndale with her brother and his wife. + +"Whew!" exclaimed the major when he read it, "wife! this complicates +matters! I was sure he had not gone to the dogs--no dog but a cur would +receive him--without help!--Marriage and embezzlement! Poor devil! if he +were not such a confounded ape I should pity him! But the small-pox and +a wife may perhaps do something for him!" + +When he reached the house, Hester received him warmly, and at once made +her request that he would go down with them. It would be such a relief +to her if he would, she said. He expressed entire readiness, but thought +she had better not say he was coming, as in the circumstances he could +hardly be welcome. They soon made their arrangements, and he left her +yet more confirmed in a respect such as he had never till now felt. And +this was the major's share in the good that flowed from Hester's +sufferings: the one most deficient thing in him was reverence, and in +this he was now having a strong lesson. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII. + +MR. CHRISTOPHER. + + +On the Sunday evening, the last before she was to leave for Yrndale, +Hester had gone to see a poor woman in a house she had not been in +before, and was walking up the dismal stair, dark and dirty, when she +heard a moaning from a room the door of which was a little open. She +peeped in, and saw on a low bed a poor woman, old, yellow, and wrinkled, +apparently at the point of death. Her throat was bare, and she saw the +muscles of it knotted in the struggle for life.--Is not death the +victorious struggle for life?--She was not alone; a man knelt by her +bedside, his arm under the pillow to hold her head higher, and his other +hand clasping hers. + +"The darkness! the darkness!" moaned the woman. + +"You feel lonely?" said the voice of the man, low, and broken with +sympathy. + +"All, all alone," sighed the woman. + +"I can do nothing for you. I can only love you." + +"Yes, yes," said the woman hopelessly. + +"You are slipping away from me, but my master is stronger than me, and +can help you yet. He is not far from you though you can't see him. He +loves you too, and only wants you to ask him to help you. He can cure +death as easy as any other disease." + +No reply came for a moment. Then, moulded of all-but dying breath, came +the cry, + +"O Christ, save me!" + +Then Hester was seized with a sudden impulse: she thought afterwards the +feeling of it might be like what men and women of old had when the +Spirit of God came upon them: it seemed she had not intended song when +the sounds issuing from her mouth entered her ears. The words she +uttered were those and no more, over and over again, which the poor +dying woman had just spoken: "O Christ, save me!" But the song-sounds in +which they were lapt and with which they came winged from her lips, +seemed the veriest outpouring of her whole soul. They seemed to rise +from some eternal deep within her, yet not to be of her making. She was +as in the immediate presence of Christ, pleading with him for the +consolation and strength which his poor dying creature so sorely needed. + +The holy possession lasted but a minute or so, and left her dumb. She +turned away, and passed up the stair. + +"The angels! the angels! I'm going now!" said the woman feebly. + +"The angel was praying to Christ for you," said Christopher. "--Oh +living brother, save our dying sister!" + +"O Christ, save me!" she murmured again, and they were her last words. + +Christopher laid the body gently back on the pillow. A sigh of relief +passed from his lips, and he went from the room to give notice of the +death. The dead or who would might bury the dead; he must go to the +living! + +Inflated sentiment all this looks to the man of this world. But when the +inevitable Death has him by the throat; when he lies like that poor +woman, lonely in the shadow, though his room be crowded with friends, +whatever his theories about future or no future, it may be an awful hour +in which less than a Christ will hardly comfort him. + +Hester's heart was full when she found the woman she went to see, and +she was able to speak as she had never spoken before. She never troubled +her poor with any of the theories of salvation, which, right or wrong, +are _not_ the things to be presented for men's reception--now any +more than in the days of the first teachers who knew nothing of them: +they serve but to obscure the vision of the live brother in whom men +must believe to be lifted out of their evil and brought into the air of +truth and the room for growing deliverance. Hester spoke of Christ, the +friend of men, who came to save every one by giving him back to God, as +one gives back to a mother the stray child who has run from her to +escape obeying her. + +The woman at least listened; and then she sang to her. But she could not +sing as she had sung a little while before. One cannot have or give the +best always--not at least until the soul shall be always in its highest +and best moods--a condition which may perhaps be on the way to us, +though I am doubtful whether the created will ever stand continuously on +the apex of conscious existence. I think part of the joy will be to +contemplate the conditions in which we are at our best: I delight to +think of twilights in heaven--the brooding on the best. Perhaps we may +be full of God always and yet not always full of the ecstasy of good, or +always able to make it pass in sweet splendours from heart to heart. + +Hester was walking homewards when, passing through a court on her way, +she heard the voice of a man, which again she recognized as that of Mr. +Christopher. Glancing about her she discovered that it came from a room +half under ground. She went to the door. There was a little crowd of +dirty children making a noise round it, and she could not well hear what +was going on, but what she did hear was enough to let her know it was +the voice of one pleading with his fellows not to be miserable and die, +but to live and rejoice. Now for all the true liberality of Hester's +heart and brain both, she had never entered any place of worship that +did not belong to the established church, thinking all the rest only and +altogether sectarian, and she would not be a sectary. She had not yet +learned that therein she just was a sectary--from Christ the head. But +here was something meant only for the poor, she thought, and seeing they +would not go to church, a layman like Mr. Christopher might surely give +them of the good things he had! So she went in: she would sit near the +door, and come out again presently! + +It was a low room, and though not many were present, the air was +stifling. The doctor stood at the farther end. Some of his congregation +were decently dressed, some but sparingly washed; many wore the same +clothes they wore through the week, though probably most of these had a +better gown or suit, if that could be called _having_ which was +represented by a pawn-ticket. Hester could hardly say she saw among them +much sign of listening. Most of the faces were just as vacant as those +to be seen in the most fashionable churches, but there were one or two +which seemed to show their owners in some kind of sympathetic relation +with the speaker, and that was a far larger proportion than was found in +Sodom that was destroyed, or in Nineveh that was spared. That the +speaker was in earnest there could be no manner of question. His eyes +were glowing, his face was gleaming with a light of its own; his hands +were often clenched hard and his motions broken by very earnestness: it +was the bearing of one that pleaded with men, saying, "Why will ye die?" + +The whole rough appearance of the man was elevated into dignity. +Simplicity and self-forgetfulness were manifest in carriage and +utterance. He was not self-possessed--but he was God-possessed. He kept +saying the simplest things to them. One thing she heard him tell them +was, that they were like orphan children, hungry in the street, raking +the gutter for what they could get, while behind them stood a grand, +beautiful house to which they never so much as lifted up their eyes--and +there their father lived! There he sat in a beautiful room, waiting, +waiting, waiting for any one of them all who would but turn round, run +in, and up the stairs to him. + +"But you will say," something as thus he went on,--"Why does he not +send out a message to them, to tell them he is waiting there for them? +How can they know without being told?--you say. But that is just what he +does do. He is constantly sending out messengers to them to tell them to +come in. But they mostly laugh and make faces at them. _They_ won't +be at the trouble to go up those stairs! 'It's not likely,' they say, 'a +man like that would trouble his head about such as us, even if we were +his children!' That makes me wonder how such people treat their own +children! But some do listen and hear and go in; and some of them come +out again, and say they find it all true. Very few believe them a bit, +or mind in the least what they say. They are not miserable enough yet to +go back to the father that loves them, and would be as good to them as +the bird that covers her young ones all over with her wings, or the +mother you see wrapping her shawl round her child in her arms. + +"Some of you are thinking with yourselves now, '_We_ wouldn't do +like that! _We_ should be only too glad to get somebody that would +make us comfortable without any trouble on our parts!' Ah, there's the +rub! These children that won't go in, they're just like you: they won't +take any trouble about it. Why now here I am, sent to you with the very +message! and you fancy I am only talking, as you do so often, without +meaning anything! I am one of those who have been into the house, and +have found my father--oh, so grand! and so good to me! And I am come out +again to tell you it is so, and that if you will go in, you will have +the same kindness I have had. All the servants of the house even will +rejoice over you with music and dancing--so glad that you are come home. +Is it possible you will not take the trouble to go! There are certain +things required of you when you go: perhaps you are too lazy or too +dirty in your habits, to like doing them! I have known some refuse to +scrape their shoes, or rub them on the door-mat when they went in, and +then complain loudly that they were refused admittance. A fine house +would such make to their father, were they allowed to run in and out as +they pleased! such a house, in fact, as would very soon drive their +father himself out of it! for they would make it unfit for any decent +person to live in. A few months and they would have the grand beautiful +house as wretched and mean and dirty as the houses they live in now. +Such persons are those that keep grumbling that they are not rich. They +want to loaf about, and drink, and be a nuisance to everybody, like some +of the rich ones. They think it hard they should not be able to do just +as they please with everything that takes their fancy, when they would +do nothing but break and spoil it, and make it no good to anybody. Their +father, who can do whatever he sees fit, is not one to let such +disagreeable children work what mischief they like! He is a better +father than that would come to! A father who lets them be dirty and rude +just as they like, is one of the worst enemies of his children. And the +day is coming when, if he can't get them to mind him any other way, he +will put them where they will be ten times more miserable than ever they +were at the worst time of their lives, and make them mind. Out of the +same door whence came the messengers to ask them in, he will send dogs +and bears and lions and tigers and wild cats out upon them. + +"You will, I daresay, some of you, say, 'Ah, we know what you mean; but +you see that's not the sort of thing we care for, so you needn't go on +about it.' I know it is not the sort of thing you care for, else you +might have been in a very different condition by this time. And I know +the kind of thing you do care for--low, dirty things: you are like a +child, if such there could be, that preferred mud and the gutter to all +the beautiful toys in the shop at the corner of Middle Row. But though +these things are not the things you want, they are the things you need; +and the time is coming when you will say, 'Ah me! what a fool I was not +to look at the precious things, and see how precious they were, and put +out my hand for them when they were offered me!'" + +It was something in this simple way, but more earnestly yet, and +occasionally with an energy that rose to eloquence, that the man freed +his soul of the things he had to give. After about twenty minutes, he +ceased, saying, "We will now sing a hymn." Then he read a short hymn, +repeating each verse before they sang it, for there was no other +hymn-book than his own. It was the simplest hymn, Hester thought, she +had ever heard. He began the singing himself to a well-known tune, but +when he heard the voice of Hester take it up, he left the leading to +her, and betaking himself to the bass, did his part there. When they +heard her voice the people all turned to look, and some began to +whisper, but presently resumed the hymn. When it was ended, he prayed +for two or three minutes, not more, and sent them away. Hester being +near the door went out with the first of them, and walked home full of +pleasure in the thought of such preaching: if only her friends could +hear such! The great difficulty was to wake in them any vaguest +recognition of a Nature from whom they came. She had been driven to +conclude that the faculty for things _epouranian_ was awake in them +not an atom more than in the South-African Bushman, in whom most +travellers have failed to discover even the notion of a power above him. +But to wake the faculty in them what could be so powerful as the story +and the message of Jesus?--and Mr. Christopher had not spoken of him! +She did not know that every Sunday he taught them there, and that this +sermon, if such it could be called, was but one wave in the flow of a +river. The true teacher brings from his treasure things old and things +new; at one time tells, at another explains; and ever and anon lets his +own well of water flow to everlasting life. + +But as she thought, Hester, like the true soul she was, turned from ways +and means to the questioning of herself: what of the faculty was awake +in her? Had she been obedient only to that she had been taught, or +obedient to the very God? This questioning again she left for better +labour: she turned her whole soul towards God in prayer unutterable. Of +one thing she could be sure--that she had but the faintest knowledge of +him whom to know is life eternal. + +She was near the turning that led to the square when she heard a quick +footstep behind her, and was presently overtaken by Mr. Christopher. + +"I was so glad to see you come in!" he said. "I was able to speak the +better, for I was sure then of some sympathy in the spiritual air. It is +not easy to go on when you feel all the time a doubt whether to one +present your words are more than mere words; or, if they have some +meaning to any, whether that meaning be not something very different +from your meaning." + +"I do not see," said Hester, "how any one could misunderstand, or indeed +help understanding what I heard you say." + +"Ah!" he returned, "the one incomprehensible thing is ignorance! To +understand why another does not understand seems to me beyond the power +of humanity. As God only can understand evil, while we only can be evil, +so God only can understand ignorance, while we only can be ignorant. I +have been trying now for a good many months to teach those people, and I +am not sure that a single thought has passed from my mind into one of +theirs. I sometimes think I am but beating the air. But I must tell you +how your singing comforted the poor woman at whose door you stopped this +afternoon! I saw it in her face. She thought it was the angels. And it +was one angel, for did not God send you? I trust your fellow-servants +were waiting for her: she died a minute or two after." + +They walked some distance before either spoke again. + +"I was surprised," said Hester at length, "to find you taking the +clergyman's part as well as the doctor's." + +"By no means," returned Christopher; "I took no clergyman's part. I took +but the part of a human being, bound to share with his fellow. What +could make you think so? Did I preach like one?" + +"Not very," she answered. + +"I am glad of that," he returned, "for such a likeness would by no means +favour my usefulness with such as those. If you see any reason why a +layman, as was our Lord, should not speak to his fellows, I fear it is +one I should be unable to comprehend. I do whatever seems to me a +desirable action, so long as I see no reason for not doing it. As to the +customs of society, my experience of them has resulted in mere and +simple contempt--in so far at least as they would hamper my freedom. I +have another master; and they who obey higher rules need not regard +lower judgment. If Shakspere liked my acting, should I care if Marlowe +did not?" + +"But if anybody and everybody be at liberty to preach, how are we to +have any assurance what kind of doctrine will be preached?" + +"We must go without it.--But it is too late to object, for here are a +few of us laymen preaching, and no one to hinder us. There are many +uneducated preachers who move the classes the clergy cannot touch. Their +preaching has a far more evident effect, I know, than mine." + +"Why do you not then preach like them?" + +"I would not if I could, and could not if I would: I do not believe one +half of the things they say." + +"How can they do more good if what they say is not true?" + +"I did not say they did more good--about that I cannot tell; that may +need centuries to determine. I said they moved their people more. And +the fundamental element of what they say is most true, only the forms +they express it in contain much that is false." + +"Will you then defend a man in speaking things that are not true?" + +"If he believes them, what is he to do but speak them? Let him speak +them in God's name. I cannot speak them because I do not believe them. +If I did believe them they would take from me the heart to preach." + +"Can it be," said Hester, "that falsehood is more powerful than +truth--and for truth too?" + +"By no means. A falsehood has in itself no power but for evil. It is the +spiritual truth clothed in the partially false form that is powerful. +Clearer truth will follow in the wake of it, and cast the false forms +out: they serve but to make a place of seeming understanding in ignorant +minds, wherein the truths themselves may lie and work with their own +might. But if what I teach be nearer the truth, let it be harder to get +in, it will in the end work more truth. In the meantime I say God-speed +to every man who honestly teaches what he honestly believes. Paul was +grand when he said he would rejoice that Christ was preached, from +whatever motive he might be preached. If you say those people, though +contentious, may have preached good doctrine, I answer--Possibly; for +they could not have preached much of what is called doctrine now-a-days. +If they preached theories of their own, they were teachers of lies, for +they were not true men, and the theories of an untrue man cannot be +true. But they told something about Christ, and of that Paul was glad." + +Some may wonder that Hester, having got so far as she had, should need +to be told such things; but she had never had occasion to think about +them before, though the truth wrought out in her life had rendered her +capable of seeing them the moment they were put before her. + +"You interest me much," she said. "--Would you mind telling me how you, +whose profession has to do with the bodies of men, have come to do more +for their souls?" + +"I know nothing about less or more," answered Christopher. "--You would +find it, I fear, a long story if I were to attempt telling it in full. I +studied medicine from guile, not therefore the less carefully, that I +might have a good ostensible reason for going about among the poor. I +count myself bound to do all I can for their bodies; and pity itself +would, I think, when I came to go among them, have driven me to the +study, had I been ignorant. No one who has not been among them knows +their sufferings--borne by some of them without complaint--for the sad +reason that it is of no use. To be to such if only one to whom they can +speak, is in some sort to mediate between them and a possible world of +relief. But it was not primarily from the desire to alleviate their +sufferings that I learned what I could of medicine, but in the hope to +start them on the way towards victory over all evil. I saw that the man +who brought them physical help had a chance with them such as no +clergyman had--an advantage quite as needful with them as with the +heathen--to whom we are not so _immediately_ debtors. It would have +been a sad thing for the world if the Lord of it had not sought first +the lost sheep of the house of Israel. One awful consequence of our +making haste to pull out the mote out of our heathen brother's eye, +while yet the beam is in our own, is that wherever our missionaries go, +they are followed by a foul wave of our vices. + +"With all my guile I have not done much. But now after nearly two +thousand years, such is the amount of faith I find in myself towards my +Lord and his Father, that sometimes I ask myself whether in very truth I +believe that that man did live and die as the story says: if it has +taken all this time for such a poor result, I say to myself, perhaps I +may have done something, for it must be too small to be seen; so I will +try on, helping God as the children help the father.--You know that +grand picture, on the ceiling of the pope's chapel, of the making of +Adam?" + +"Michael Angelo's?--Yes." + +"You must have noticed then how the Father is accompanied by a crowd of +young ones--come to help him to make Adam, I always think. The poet has +there, consciously or not, hit upon a great truth: it is the majesty of +God's great-heartedness, and the majesty of man's destiny, that every +man must be a fellow-worker with God, nor can ever in less attain his +end, and the conscious satisfaction of being. I want to help God with my +poor brothers." + +"How well I understand you!" said Hester. "But would you mind telling me +what made you think of the thing first? I began because I saw how +miserable so many people were, and longed to do something to make life a +better thing for them." + +"That was not quite the way with me," replied Christopher. "I see I must +tell you something of my external, in order to explain my internal +history." + +"No, no, pray!" returned Hester, fearing she had presumed. "I did not +mean to be inquisitive. I ought not to have asked such a question; for +these things have to do with the most sacred regions of our nature." + +"I was only going to cast the less in with the greater--the outer fact +to explain the inner truth," said Christopher. "I should like to tell +you about it.--And first,--you may suppose I could not have followed my +wishes had I not had some money!" + +"A good thing you had, then!" + +"I don't know exactly," replied the doctor in a dubious tone. "You shall +judge for yourself from my story.--I had money then--a good deal +too--left me by my grandfather. My father died when I was a child. I am +glad to say." + +"Glad to say!" repeated Hester bewildered. + +"Yes: if he had lived, how do I know he might not have done just like my +grandfather. But my mother lived, thank God.--Not that my grandfather +was what is counted a bad man; on the contrary he stood high in the +world's opinion--was considered indeed the prince of----well, I will +not say what, for my business is not to expose him. The world had +nothing against him. + +"When he died and left me his money--I was then at school, preparing for +Oxford--it was necessary that I should look into the affairs of the +business, for it was my mother's wish that I should follow the same. In +the course of my investigation, I came across things not a few in the +books, all fair and square in the judgment of the trade itself, which +made me doubtful, and which at last, unblinded by custom, I was +confident were unfair, that is dishonest. Thereupon I began to argue +with myself: 'What is here?' I said. 'Am I to use the wages of iniquity +as if they were a clean God-gift? If there has been wrong done there +must be atonement, reparation. I cannot look on this money as mine, for +part of it at least, I cannot say how much, ought not to be mine.' The +truth flashed upon me; I saw that my business in life must be to send +the money out again into the channels of right. I could claim a +workman's wages for doing that. The history of the business went so far +back that it was impossible to make return of more than a small +proportion of the sums rightly due; therefore something else, and that a +large something, must be done as well. + +"To be honest, however, in explaining how I came to choose the life I am +now leading, I must here confess the fact that about this time I had a +disappointment of a certain kind which set me thinking, for it gave me +such a shock that for some months I could not imagine anything to make +life worth living. Some day, if you like, I will give you a detailed +account of how I came to the truth of the question--came to see what +alone does make the value of life. A flash came first, then a darkness, +then a long dawn; by and in which it grew clearer and ever clearer, that +there could be no real good, in the very nature of things and of good, +but oneness with the will of God; that man's good lay in becoming what +the inventor of him meant in the inventing of him--to speak after the +fashion of man's making. Going on thinking about it all, and reading my +New Testament, I came to see that, if the story of Christ was true, the +God that made me was just inconceivably lovely, and that the perfection, +the very flower of existence, must be to live the heir of all things, at +home with the Father. Next, mingled inextricably with my resolve about +the money, came the perception that my fellow-beings, my brothers and +sisters of the same father, must be, next to the father himself, the +very atmosphere of life; and that perfect misery must be to care only +for one's self. With that there woke in me such a love and pity for my +people, my own race, my human beings, my brothers and sisters, whoever +could hear the word of the father of men, that I felt the only thing +worth giving the energy of a life to, was the work that Christ gave +himself to--the delivery of men out of their lonely and mean devotion to +themselves, into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, whose joy and +rejoicing is the rest of the family. Then I saw that here the claim upon +my honesty, and the highest calling of man met. I saw that were I as +free to do with my grandfather's money as it was possible for man to be, +I could in no other way use it altogether worthily than in aiding to +give outcome, shape and operation to the sonship and brotherhood in me. +I have not yet found how best to use it all; and I will do nothing in +haste, which is the very opposite of divine, and sure to lead astray; +but I keep thinking in order to find out, and it will one day be +revealed to me. God who has laid the burden on me will enable me to bear +it until he shows me how to unpack and disperse it. + +"First, I spent a portion in further study, and especially the study of +medicine. I could not work miracles; I had not the faith necessary to +that, if such is now to be had; but God might be pleased I should heal a +little by the doctor's art. So doing I should do yet better, and learn +how, to spend the money upon humanity itself, repaying to the race what +had been wrongfully taken from its individuals to whom it was impossible +to restore it; and should while so doing at the same time fill up what +was left behind for me of the labours of the Master. + +"That is my story. I am now trying to do as I have seen, working +steadily, without haste, with much discouragement, and now and then with +a great gladness and auroral hope. I have this very day got a new idea +that may have in it a true germ!" + +"Will you not tell me what it is?" said Hester. + +"I don't like talking about things before at least they are begun," +answered Christopher. "And I have not much hope from money. If it were +not that I have it and cannot help it, and am bound to spend it, I would +not trouble myself about any scheme to which it was necessary. I +sometimes feel as if it was a devil, restrained a little by being +spell-bound in mental discs. I know the feeling is wrong and faithless; +for money is God's as certainly as the earth in which the crops grow, +though he does not care so much about it." + +"I know what I would do if I had money!" said Hester. + +"You have given me the right to ask what--the right to ask--not the +right to have an answer." + +"I would have a house of refuge to which any one might run for covert or +rest or warmth or food or medicine or whatever he needed. It should have +no society or subscriptions or committee, but should be my own as my +hands and my voice are mine--to use as God enabled me. I would have it +like the porch--not of Bethesda, but of heaven itself. It should come +into use by the growth of my friendships. It should be a refuge for the +needy, from the artisan out of work to the child with a cut finger, or +cold bitten feet. I would take in the weary-brained prophet, the worn +curate, or the shadowy needle-woman. I would not take in drunkards or +ruined speculators--not at least before they were very miserable indeed. +The suffering of such is the only desirable consequence of their doing, +and to save from it would be to take from them their last chance." + +"It is a lovely idea," said Christopher. "One of my hopes is to build a +small hospital for children in some lovely place, near some sad ugly +one. But perhaps I cannot do it till I am old, for when I do, I must +live among them and have them and their nurses within a moment's reach." + +"Is it not delightful to know that you can start anything when you +please?" + +"Anybody with leisure can do that who is willing to begin where +everything ought to be begun--that is, at the beginning. Nothing worth +calling good can or ever will be started full grown. The essential of +any good is life, and the very body of created life, and essential to +it, being its self operant, is growth. The larger start you make, the +less room you leave for life to extend itself. You fill with the dead +matter of your construction the places where assimilation ought to have +its perfect work, building by a life-process, self-extending, and +subserving the whole. Small beginnings with slow growings have time to +root themselves thoroughly--I do not mean in place nor yet in social +regard, but in wisdom. Such even prosper by failures, for their failures +are not too great to be rectified without injury to the original idea. +God's beginnings are imperceptible, whether in the region of soul or of +matter. Besides, I believe in no good done save in person--by personal +operative presence of soul, body and spirit. God is the one only person, +and it is our personality alone, so far as we have any, that can work +with God's perfect personality. God can use us as tools, but to be a +tool of, is not to be a fellow-worker with. How the devil would have +laughed at the idea of a society for saving the world! But when he saw +_one_ take it in hand, one who was in no haste even to do that, +one who would only do the will of God with all his heart and soul, and +cared for nothing else, then indeed he might tremble for his kingdom! It +is the individual Christians forming the church by their obedient +individuality, that have done all the good done since men for the love +of Christ began to gather together. It is individual ardour alone that +can combine into larger flame. There is no true power but that which has +individual roots. Neither custom nor habit nor law nor foundation is a +root. The real roots are individual conscience that hates evil, +individual faith that loves and obeys God, individual heart with its +kiss of charity." + +"I think I understand you; I am sure I do in part, at least," said +Hester. + +They had, almost unconsciously, walked, twice round the square, and had +now the third time reached the house. He went in with her and saw his +patient, then took his leave to go home to his Greek Testament--for the +remainder of the evening if he might. Except when some particular case +required attention, he never went on-trying to teach with his soul +weary. He would carry material aid or social comfort, but would not +teach. His soul must be shining--with faith or hope or love or +repentance or compassion, when he unveiled it. "No man," he would say, +"will be lost because I do not this or that; but if I do the unfitting +thing, I may block his way for him, and retard his redemption." He would +not presume beyond what was given him--as if God were letting things go +wrong, and he must come in to prevent them! He would not set blunted or +ill tempered tools to the finest work of the universe! + + + + +CHAPTER XLIX. + +AN ARRANGEMENT. + + +Hester had not yet gone to see Miss Dasomma because of the small-pox. + +Second causes are God's as much as first, and Christ made use of them as +his father's way. It were a sad world indeed if God's presence were only +interference, that is, miracle. The roundabout common ways of things are +just as much his as the straight, miraculous ones--I incline to think +more his, in the sense that they are plainly the ways he prefers. In all +things that are, he is--present even in the evil we bring into the +world, to foil it and bring good out of it. We are always disbelieving +in him because things do not go as we intend and desire them to go. We +forget that God has larger ends, even for us, than we can see, so his +plans do not fit ours. If God were not only to hear our prayers, as he +does ever and always, but to answer them as we want them answered, he +would not be God our Saviour, but the ministering genius of our +destruction. + +But now Hester thought she might visit her friend. She had much to say +to her and ask of her. First she told her of herself and lord Gartley. +Miss Dasomma threw her arms about her, and broke into a flood of +congratulation. Hester looked a little surprised, and was indeed a +little annoyed at the vehemence of her pleasure. Miss Dasomma hastened +to excuse herself. + +"My dear," she said, "the more I saw of that man, the more I thought and +the more I heard about him, his ways, and his surroundings, the more I +marvelled you should ever have taken him for other than the most wordly, +shallow, stunted creature. It was the very impossibility of your +understanding the mode of being of such a man that made it possible for +him to gain on you. Believe me, if you had married him, you would have +been sick of him--forgive the vulgar phrase--yes, and hopeless of him, +in six weeks." + +"There was more and better in him than you imagine," returned Hester, +hurt that her friend should think so badly of the man she loved, but by +no means sure that she was wrong. + +"That may be," answered her friend; "but I am certain also that if you +had married him, you would have done him no good." + +Then Hester went on with her tale of trouble. Her brother Cornelius had +been behaving very badly, she said, and had married a young woman +without letting them know. Her father and mother were unaware of the +fact as yet, and she dreaded having to communicate it to them. He had +been very ill with the small-pox, and she must take him home; but what +to do with his wife until she had broken the matter to them, she did not +know. She knew her father would be very angry, and until he should have +got over it a little she dared not have her home: in a word she was at +her wits' end. + +"One question, excuse me if I ask," said Miss Dasomma: "_are_ they +married?" + +"I am not sure; but I am sure she believes they are." + +Then she told her what she knew of Amy. Miss Dasomma fell a thinking. + +"Could I see her?" she said at length. + +"Surely; any time," replied Hester, "now that Corney is so much better." + +Miss Dasomma called, and was so charmed with Amy that she proposed to +Hester she should stay with her. + +This was just what Hester wished but had not dared to propose. + +Now came the painful necessity not only of breaking to the young wife +that she must be parted from her husband for a while, but--which was +much worse--of therein revealing that he had deceived her. + +Had Cornelius not been ill and helpless, and characterless, he would +probably have refused to go home; but he did not venture a word of +opposition to Hester's determination. He knew she had not told Amy +anything, but saw that, if he refused, she might judge it necessary to +tell her all. And notwithstanding his idiotic pretence of superiority, +he had a kind of thorough confidence in Hester. In his sickness +something of the old childish feeling about her as a refuge from evil +had returned upon him, and he was now nearly ready to do and allow +whatever she pleased, trusting to her to get him out of the scrape he +was in: she could do more than any one else, he was sure! + +"But now tell me, on your word of honour," she said to him that same +night, happening to find herself alone with him, "are you really and +truly married to Amy?" + +She was delighted to see him blaze up in anger. + +"Hester, you insult us both!" he said. + +"No, Cornelius," returned Hester, "I have a right to distrust you--but I +distrust only you. Whatever may be amiss in the affair, I am certain you +alone are to blame--not Amy." + +Thereupon Cornelius swore a solemn oath that Amy was as much his lawful +wife as he knew how to make her. + +"Then what is to be done with her when you go home? You cannot expect +she will be welcomed. I have not dared tell them of your marriage--only +of your illness. The other must be by word of mouth." + +"I don't know what's to be done with her. How should _I_ know!" +answered Cornelius with a return of his old manner. "I thought you would +manage it all for me! This cursed illness--" + +"Cornelius," said Hester, "this illness is the greatest kindness God +could show you." + +"Well, we won't argue about that!--Sis, you must get me out of the +scrape!" + +Hester's heart swelled with delight at the sound of the old loving +nursery-word. She turned to him and kissed him. + +"I will do what I honestly can, Cornelius," she said. + +"All right!" replied Corney. "What do you mean to do?" + +"Not to take Amy down with us. She must wait till I have told." + +"Then my wife is to be received only on sufferance!" he cried. + +"You can hardly expect to be otherwise received yourself. You have put +your wife at no end of disadvantage by making her your wife without the +knowledge of your family. For yourself, when a man has taken money not +his own; when he has torn the hearts of father and mother with anguish +such as neither ever knew before--ah, Corney! if you had seen them as I +saw them, you would not now wonder that I tremble at the thought of your +meeting. If you have any love for poor Amy, you will not dream of +exposing her to the first outbreak of a shocked judgment. I cannot be +sure what my mother might think, but my father would take her for your +evil genius! It is possible he may refuse to see yourself!" + +"Then I'm not going. Better stay here and starve!" + +"If so, I must at once tell Amy what you have done. I will not have the +parents on whom you have brought disgrace and misery supposed guilty of +cruelty. Amy must know all about it some day, but it ought to come from +yourself--not from me. You will never be fit for honest company till for +very misery you have told your wife." + +Hester thought she must not let him fancy things were going back into +the old grooves--that his crime would become a thing of no consequence, +and pass out of existence, ignored and forgotten. Evil cannot be +destroyed without repentance. + +He was silent as one who had nothing to answer. + +"So now," said Hester, "will you, or must I, tell Amy that she cannot go +home?" + +He thought for a moment. + +"I will," he said. + +Hester left him and sent Amy to him. In a few minutes she returned. She +had wept, but was now, though looking very sad, quite self-possessed. + +"Please, miss," she said--but Hester interrupted her. + +"You must not call me _miss_, Amy," she said. "You must call me +_Hester_. Am I not your sister?" + +A gleam of joy shot from the girl's eyes, like the sun through red +clouds. + +"Then you have forgiven me!" she cried, and burst into tears. + +"No, Amy, not that! I should have had to know something to forgive +first. You may have been foolish; everybody can't always be wise, though +everybody must try to do right. But now we must have time to set things +straighter, without doing more mischief, and you mustn't mind staying a +little while with Miss Dasomma." + +"Does she know all about it, miss---Hester?" asked Amy; and as she +called her new sister by her name, the blood rushed over her face. + +"She knows enough not to think unfairly of you, Amy." + +"And you won't be hard upon him when he hasn't me to comfort him--will +you, Hester?" + +"I will think of my new sister who loves him," replied Hester. "But you +must not think I do not love him too. And oh, Amy! you must be very +careful over him. No one can do with him what you can. You must help him +to be good, for that is the chief duty of every one towards a neighbour, +and particularly of a wife towards a husband." + +Amy was crying afresh, and made no answer; but there was not the most +shadowy token of resentment in her weeping. + + + + +CHAPTER L. + +THINGS AT HOME. + + +In the meantime things had been going very gloomily at Yrndale. Mrs. +Raymount was better in health but hardly more cheerful. How could she +be? how get over the sadness that her boy was such? But the thing that +most oppressed her was to see the heart of his father so turned from the +youth. What would become of them if essential discord invaded their +home! Cornelius had not been pleasant, even she was to herself compelled +to admit, since first he began to come within sight of manhood; but she +had always looked to the time when growing sense would make him cast +aside young-mannish ways; and this was the outcome of her cares and +hopes and prayers for him! Her husband went about listless and sullen. +He wrote no more. How could one thus disgraced in his family presume to +teach the world anything! How could he ever hold up his head as one that +had served his generation, when this was the kind of man he was to leave +behind him for the life of the next! Cornelius's very being cast doubt +on all he had ever said or done! + +He had been proud of his children: they were like those of any common +stock! and the shame recoiled upon himself. Bitterly he recalled the +stain upon his family in generations gone by. He had never forged or +stolen himself, yet the possibility had remained latent in him, else how +could he have transmitted it? Perhaps there were things in which he +might have been more honest, and so have killed the latent germ and his +child not have had it to develop! Far into the distance he saw a +continuous succession of dishonest Raymounts, nor succession only but +multiplication, till streets and prisons were swarming with them. For +hours he would sit with his hands in his pockets, scarcely daring to +think, for the misery of the thoughts that came crowding out the moment +the smallest chink was opened in their cage. He had become short, I do +not say rough in his speech to his wife. He would break into sudden +angry complaints against Hester for not coming home, but stop dead in +the middle, as if nothing was worth being angry about now, and turn away +with a sigh that was almost a groan. The sight of the children was a +pain to him. Saffy was not one to understand much of grief beyond her +own passing troubles; it was a thing for which she seemed to have little +reception; and her occasionally unsympathetic ways were, considering her +age, more of a grief to her mother than was quite reasonable; she feared +she saw in her careless glee the same root which in her brother flowered +in sullen disregard. Mark was very different. The father would order +Saffy away, but the boy might come and go as he pleased, nor give him +any annoyance, although he never or scarcely ever took any notice of +him. He had been told nothing of the cause of his parents' evident +misery. When the news came of Corney's illness, his mother told him of +that; but he had sympathy and penetration enough to perceive that there +must be something amiss more than that: if this were all, they would +have told him of it when first they began to be changed! And when the +news came that he was getting better, his father did not seem the least +happier! He would sometimes stand and gaze at his father, but the +solemn, far-off, starry look of the boy's eyes never seemed to disturb +him. He loved his father as few boys love, and yet had a certain dread +of him and discomfort in his presence, which he could not have accounted +for, and which would vanish at once when he spoke to him. He had never +recovered the effects of being so nearly drowned, and in the readier +apprehension caused by accumulated troubles his mother began to doubt if +ever he would be well again. He had got a good deal thinner; his food +did not seem to nourish him; and his being seemed slipping away from the +hold of the world. He was full of dreams and fancies, all of the higher +order of things where love is the law. He did not read much that was +new, for he soon got tired with the effort to understand; but he would +spend happy hours alone, seeming to the ordinary eye to be doing +nothing, because his doing was with the unseen. So-called religious +children are often peculiarly disagreeable, mainly from false notions of +the simple thing religion in their parents and teachers; but in truth +nowhere may religion be more at home than in a child. A strong +conscience and a loving regard to the desires of others were Mark's +chief characteristics. When such children as he die, we may well imagine +them wanted for special work in the world to which they go. If the very +hairs of our head are all numbered, and he said so who knew and is true, +our children do not drop hap-hazard into the near world, neither are +they kept out of it by any care or any power of medicine: all goes by +heavenliest will and loveliest ordinance. Some of us will have to be +ashamed of our outcry after our dead. Beloved, even for your dear faces +we can wait awhile, seeing it is His father, your father and our father +to whom you have gone, leaving us with him still. Our day will come, and +your joy and ours, and all shall be well. + +The attachment of Mark to the major continued growing. + +"When Majie comes," he said one of those days, "he must not go again." + +"Why, Markie?" asked his mother, almost without a meaning, for her +thought was with her eldest-born, her disgrace. + +"Because, if he does," he answered, "I shall not see much of him." + +The mother looked at the child, but said nothing. Sorrow was now the +element of her soul. Cornelius had destroyed the family heart; the +family must soon be broken up, and vanish in devouring vacancy! Do you +ask where was her faith? I answer, Just where yours and mine is when we +give thanks trusting in the things for which we give thanks; when we +rest in what we have, in what we can do, in what people think of us, in +the thought of the friends we have at our back, or in anything whatever +but the living, outgoing power of the self-alive--the one causing +potency in the heart of our souls, and in every clothing of those souls, +from nerve, muscle, and skin to atmosphere and farthest space. The +living life is the one power, the only that can, and he who puts his +trust or hope in anything else whatever is a worshipper of idols. He who +does not believe in God must be a truster in that which is lower than +himself. + +Mark seldom talked about his brother. Before he went away the last time +he had begun to shrink from him a little, as if with some instinct of an +inward separation. He would stand a little way off and look at him as if +he were a stranger in whom he was interested, and as if he himself were +trying to determine what mental attitude he must assume towards him. +When he heard that he was ill, the tears came in his eyes, but he did +not speak. + +"Are you not sorry for Corney?" said his mother. + +"I'm sorry," he answered, "because it must make him unhappy. He does not +like being ill." + +"_You_ don't like being ill, I'm sure Mark!" returned his mother, +apprehending affectation. + +"I don't mind it much," answered the boy, looking far away--as it seemed +to his mother, towards a region to which she herself had begun to look +with longing. The way her husband took their grief made them no more a +family, but a mere household. He brooded alone and said nothing. They +did not share sorrow as they had shared joy. + +At last came a letter from Hester saying that in two days she hoped to +start with Corney to bring him home. The mother read the letter, and +with a faded gleam of joy on her countenance, passed it to her husband. +He took it, glanced at it, threw it from him, rose, and left the room. +For an hour his wife heard him pacing up and down his study; then he +took his hat and stick and went out. What he might have resolved upon +had Corney been returning in tolerable health, I do not know--possibly +to kick him out of the house for his impudence in daring to show his +face there; but even this wrathful father, who thought he did well to be +angry, could not turn from his sickly child, let him be the greatest +scoundrel under the all-seeing sun? But not therefore would he receive +or acknowledge him! Swine were the natural companions of the prodigal, +and the sooner he was with them the better! There was truth in the +remark, but hell in the spirit of it: for the heart of the father was +turned from his son. The Messiah came to turn the hearts of the fathers +to their children. Strange it should ever have wanted doing! But it +wants doing still. There is scarce a discernible segment of the round of +unity between many fathers and their children. + +Gerald Raymount went walking through the pine-woods on his hills. Little +satisfaction lay in land to which such a son was to succeed! No! the +land was his own! not an acre, not as much as would bury him, should the +rascal have! Alas! he had taken honesty as a matter of course in +_his_ family. Were they not _his_ children? He had not thought +of God as the bond of life between him and them, nor sought to nourish +the life in them. He was their father and was content with them. He had +pondered much the laws by which society proceeds and prospers, but had +not endeavoured in his own case to carry towards perfection the relation +that first goes to the making of society: the relation between himself +and his children had been left to shift for itself. He had never known +anything of what was going on in the mind of his son. He had never asked +himself if the boy loved the truth--if he cared that things should stand +in him on the footing of eternal reason, or if his consciousness was +anything better than the wallowing of a happy-go-lucky satisfaction in +being. And now he was astonished to find _his_ boy no better than +the common sort of human animal! My reader may say he was worse, for +there is the stealing; but that is just the point in which I see him +likest the common run of men, while in his home relations he was worse. +It is my conviction that such an act of open disgrace as he had been +guilty of, may be the outcome of evil more easy to cast off than that +indicated by home-habits embodying a selfishness regarded embodied in +families, and which perhaps are as a mere matter of course. There is +little hope of the repentance and redemption of certain some until they +have committed one or another of the many wrong things of which they are +daily, through a course of unrestrained selfishness, becoming more and +more capable. Few seem to understand that the true end is not to keep +their children from doing what is wrong, though that is on the way to +it, but to render them incapable of doing wrong. While one is capable of +doing wrong, he is no nearer right than if that wrong were done--not so +near as if the wrong were done and repented of. Some minds are never +roused to the true nature of their selfishness until having clone some +patent wrong, the eyes of the collective human conscience are fixed with +the essence of human disapprobation and general repudiation upon them. +Doubtless in the disapproving crowd are many just as capable of the +wrong as they, but the deeper nature in them, God's and not yet theirs +utters its disapproval, and the culprit feels it. Happy he if then at +last he begin to turn from the evil itself, so repenting! This Cornelius +had not begun to do yet, but his illness, while perhaps it delayed the +time when the thought of turning should present itself, made it more +likely the thought would be entertained when it did present itself. + +The father came back from his lonely walk, in which his communion with +nature had been of the smallest, as determined as before that his son, +having unsonned himself, should no more be treated as a son. He could +not refuse him shelter in his house for a time, but he should be in it +on sufferance--in no right of sonship, and should be made to understand +it was so! + +But the heart of the mother was longing after her boy, like a human hen +whose chicken had run from under her wing and come to grief. He had +sinned, he had suffered, and was in disgrace--good reasons why the +mother's heart should cling to the youth, why her arms should long to +fold him to her bosom! The things which made his father feel he could +not speak to him again, worked in the deeper nature of the mother in +opposite fashion. In her they reached a stratum of the Divine. Was he +unlovely?--she must love him the more! Was he selfish and +repellent?--she must get the nearer to him! Everything was reason to her +for love and more love. If he were but with her! She would clasp him so +close that evil should not touch him! Satan himself could not get at him +with her whole mother-being folded round him! She had been feeling of +late as if she could not get near him: now that sickness had reduced his +strength, and shame his proud spirit, love would have room to enter and +minister! The good of all evil is to make a way for love, which is +essential good. Therefore evil exists, and will exist until love destroy +and cast it out. Corney could not keep his mother out of his heart now! +She thought there were ten things she could do for him now to one she +could have done for him before! When, oh when would he appear, that her +heart might go out to meet him! + + + + +CHAPTER LI. + +THE RETURN. + + +The day came. It was fine in London. The invalid was carefully wrapt up +for the journey. Hester, the major and Miss Dasomma followed the young +couple to the station. There the latter received the poor little wife, +and when the train was out of sight, took her home with her. The major +who got into the next carriage, at every stop ran to see if anything was +wanted; and when they reached the station got on the box of the carriage +the mother had sent to meet them. Thus Hester bore her lost sheep +home--in little triumph and much anxiety. When they stopped at the door +no one was on the outlook for them. The hall was not lighted and the +door was locked. The major rang the bell. Ere the door was opened Hester +had got down and stood waiting. The major took the youth in his arms and +carried him into the dining-room, so weary that he could scarcely open +his eyes. There seemed no light in the house, except the candle the man +brought when he came to open the door. Corney begged to be put to bed. +"I wish Amy was here!" he murmured. Hester and the major were talking +together. + +She hurried from the room and returned in a moment. + +"I was sure of it," she whispered to the major. "There is a glorious +fire in his room, and everything ready for him. The house is my father, +but the room is my mother, and my mother is God." + +The major took him again, and carried him up the stair--so thin and +light was he. The moment they were past the door of her room, out came +the mother behind them in her dressing gown, and glided pale and +noiseless as the disembodied after them. Hester looked round and saw +her, but she laid her finger on her lips, and followed without a word. +When they were in the room, she came to the door, looked in, and watched +them, but did not enter. Cornelius did not open his eyes. The major laid +him down on the sofa near the fire. A gleam of it fell on his face. The +mother drew a sharp quick breath and pressed her hands against her +heart: there was his sin upon his face, branding him that men might know +him. But therewith came a fresh rush from the inexhaustible fountain of +mother-love. She would have taken him into her anew, with all his sin +and pain and sorrow, to clear away in herself brand and pollution, and +bear him anew--even as God bears our griefs, and carries our sorrows, +destroys our wrongs, taking their consequences on himself, and gives us +the new birth from above. Her whole wounded heart seemed to go out to +him in one trembling sigh, as she turned to go back to the room where +her husband sat with hopeless gaze fixed on the fire. She had but +strength to reach the side of the bed, and fell senseless upon it. He +started up with a sting of self-accusation: he had killed her, exacting +from her a promise that by no word would she welcome the wanderer that +night. For she would not have her husband imagine in his bitterness that +she loved the erring son more than the father whose heart he had all but +broken, and had promised. She was, in truth, nearly as anxious about the +one as the other, for was not the unforgivingness of the one as bad--was +it not even worse than the theft of the other. + +He lifted her, laid her on the bed, and proceeded to administer the +restoratives he now knew better than any other how to employ. In a +little while he was relieved, her eyelids began to tremble. "My baby!" +she murmured, and the tears began to flow. + +"Thank God!" he said, and got her to bed. + +But strange to say, for all his stern fulfilment of duty, he did not +feel fit to lie down by his wife. He would watch: she might have another +bad turn! + +From the exhaustion that followed excess of feeling, she slept. He sat +watchful by the fire. She was his only friend, he said, and now she and +he were no more of one mind! Never until now had they had difference! + +Hester and the major got Corney to bed, and instantly he was fast +asleep. The major arranged himself to pass the night by the fire, and +Hester went to see what she could do for her mother. Knocking softly at +the door and receiving no answer, she peeped in: there sat her father +and there slept her mother: she would not disturb them, but, taking her +share in the punishment of him she had brought home, retire without +welcome or good-night. She too was presently fast asleep. There was no +gnawing worm of duty undone or wrong unpardoned in her bosom to keep her +awake. Sorrow is sleepy, pride and remorse are wakeful. + + + + +CHAPTER LII. + +A HEAVENLY VISION. + + +The night began differently with the two watchers. The major was +troubled in his mind at what seemed the hard-heartedness of the mother, +for he loved her with a true brotherly affection. He had not seen her +looking in at the door; he did not know the cause of her appearing so +withdrawn and unmotherly: he forgot his shilling novel and his sherry +and water, and brooded over the thing. He could not endure the +low-minded cub, he said to himself; he would gladly, if only the wretch +were well enough, give him a sound horse-whipping; but to see him so +treated by father and mother was more than he could bear: he began to +pity a lad born of parents so hard-hearted. What would have become of +himself, he thought, if his mother had treated him so? He had never, to +be sure, committed any crime against society worse than shocking certain +ridiculously proper people; but if she had made much of his foibles and +faults, he might have grown to be capable of doing how could he tell +what? who would turn out a mangy dog that was his own dog! If the fellow +were his he would know what to do with him! He did not reflect that just +because he was not his, he did not feel the wounds that disabled from +action. It was easy for him unhurt to think what he would do if he were +hurt. Some things seem the harder to forgive the greater the love. It is +but a false seeming, thank God, and comes only of selfishness, which +makes both the love and the hurt seem greater than they are. + +And as the major sat thinking and thinking, the story came back to him +which his mother had so often told him and his brothers, all now gone +but himself, as they stood or sat or lay gathered round her on the +Sunday evenings in the nursery--about the boy that was tired of being at +home, and asked his father for money to go away; and how his father gave +it him, thinking it better he should go than grumble at the best he +could give him; and how he grew very naughty, and spent his money in +buying things that were not worth having, and in eating and drinking +with greedy, coarse, ill behaved people, till at last he had nothing +left to buy food with, and had to feed swine to earn something; and how +he fell a thinking, and would go home. It all came back to his mind just +as his mother used to tell it--how the poor prodigal, ragged and dirty +and hungry, set out for home, and how his father spied him coming a +great way off, and knew him at once, and set out running to meet him, +and fell on his neck and kissed him. This father would not even look at +the son that had but just escaped the jaws of death! True, the prodigal +came home repentant; but the father did not wait to know that, but ran +to meet him and fell on his neck and kissed him! + +As the major thus reflected, he kept coming nearer and nearer to the +individual I lurking at the keyhole of every story. Only he had to go +home, else how was his father to receive him. + +"I wonder now," he said, "if when a man die that is counted for going +home! I hardly think it; that is a thing the man can't help at all; he +has no hand in the doing of it. Who would come out to meet a fellow +because he was flung down dead at his door. I fear I should find myself +in no better box than this young rascal when he comes home because he +can't help it!" + +The end of it was that the major, there in the middle of the night, went +down on his knees, and, as he had not now done since the eve of his last +battle, tried to say the prayers his mother had taught him. Presently he +found himself saying things she had not taught him--speaking from his +heart as if one was listening, one who in the dead of the night did not +sleep, but kept wide awake lest one of his children should cry. + +"It is time," said the major to himself the next day, "that I began to +think about going home. I will try again to-night!" + +In his wife's room Gerald Raymount sat on into the dead waste and middle +of the night. At last, as his wife continued quietly asleep, he thought +he would go down to his study, and find something to turn his thoughts +from his misery. None such had come to him as to his friend. He had been +much more of a religious man than the major--had his theories concerning +both the first and the second table of the law; nor had he been merely a +talker, though his talk, as with all talkers, was constantly ahead of +his deed: well is it for those whose talk is not ahead of their +endeavor! but it was the _idea_ of religion, and the thousand ideas +it broods, more than religion itself, that was his delight. He +philosophized and philosophized well of the relations between man and +his maker, of the necessity to human nature of belief in a God, of the +disastrous consequences of having none, and such like things; but having +such an interest is a very different thing from being in such relations +with the father that the thought of him is an immediate and ever +returning joy and strength. He did not rejoice in the thought of the +inheritance of the saints in light, as the inheriting of the nature of +God, the being made partaker of the father's essential blessedness: he +was far yet from that. He was so busy understanding with his intellect, +that he missed the better understanding of heart and imagination. He was +always so pleased with the thought of a thing, that he missed the thing +itself--whose _possession_, and not its thought is essential. Thus +when the trial came, it found him no true parent. The youth of course +could not be received either as clean-handed or as repentant; but love +is at the heart of every right way, and essential forgiveness at +the-heart of every true treatment of the sinner, even in the very +refusal of external forgiveness. That the father should not have longed +above all things for his son's repentance; that he should not have met +even a seeming return; that he should have nourished resentment because +the youth had sinned against _his_ family in which beauty as his he +had gloried; that he should care to devise no measures for generating a +sense of the evil he had done, and aiding repentance as makes +forgiveness a necessary consequence; that he should, instead, ruminate +how to make him feel most poignantly his absolute scorn of him, his +loathing of his all but convict son--this made the man a kind of +paternal Satan who sat watching by the repose of the most Christian, +because most loving, most forgiving, most self-forgetting mother, +stirring up in himself fresh whirlwinds of indignation at the incredible +thing which had become the fact of facts, lying heaviest, stinging +deepest, seeming unchangeable. That it might prove a blessing, he would +have spurned as a suggestion equally degrading and absurd. "What is done +is done," he would have said, in the mingled despair of pride and pride +of despair; "and all the power of God cannot make the thing otherwise. +We can hold up our heads no more for ever. My own son has not only +disgraced but fooled me, giving men good cause to say, 'Physician, heal +thyself.'" + +He rose, and treading softly lest he should wake the only being he +_felt_ love for now, and whom he was loving less than before, for +self-love and pride are antagonistic to all loves, left the room and +went to his study. The fire was not yet out; he stirred it and made it +blaze, lighted his candles, took a book from a shelf, sat down, and +tried to read. But it was no use; his thoughts were such that they could +hold no company with other thoughts: the world of his kind was shut out; +he was a man alone, because a man unforgiving and unforgiven. His soul +slid into the old groove of miserable self-reiteration whose only result +was more friction-heat; and so the night slid away. + +The nominal morning, if not the dawn was near, when, behold, a wonder of +the night! The door between the study and the old library opened so +softly that he heard nothing, and ere he was aware a child in long white +gown stood by his side. He started violently. It was Mark--but asleep! +He had seen his mother and father even more than usually troubled all +day, and their trouble had haunted him in his sleep; it had roused him +without waking him from his dreams, and the spirit of love had directed +his feet to the presence of his father. He stood a little way from him, +his face white as his dress, not a word issuing from his mouth, silent, +haunted by a smile of intense quiet, as of one who, being comforted, +would comfort. There was also in the look a slight something like +idiocy, for his soul was not precisely with his body; his thoughts, +though concerning his father, were elsewhere; the circumstances of his +soul and of his body were not the same; and so, being twinned, that is, +divided, _twained_, he was as one beside himself. His eyes, +although open, evidently saw nothing; and thus he stood for a little +time. + +There had never been tender relations between Mark and his father like +those between the boy and his mother and sister. His father was always +kind to him, but betwixt him and his boys he had let grow a sort of hard +skin. He had not come so near to them as to the feminine portion of his +family--shrank indeed from close relations with their spirits, thoughts +or intents. It arose, I imagine, from an excess of the masculine element +in his nature. Even when as merest children they came to be kissed +before going to bed, he did not like the contact of their faces with +his. No woman, and perhaps not many men will understand this; but it was +always a relief to Mr. Raymount to have the nightly ceremony over. He +thought there was nothing he would not do for their good; and I think +his heart must in the main have been right towards them: he could hardly +love and honour his wife as he did, and not love the children she had +given him. But the clothes of his affections somehow did not sit easy on +him, and there was a good deal in his behaviour to Cornelius that had +operated unfavourably on the mind of the youth. Even Mark, although, as +I have said, he loved him as few boys love a father, was yet a little +afraid of him--never went to him with confidence--never snuggled close +to him--never sat down by his side to read his book in a heaven of +twilight peace, as he would by his mother's. He would never have gone to +his father's room for refuge from sleeplessness. + +Not recognizing his condition his father was surprised and indeed +annoyed as well as startled to see him: he was in no mood for such a +visit. He felt also strangely afraid of the child, he could not have +told why. Wretched about one son, he was dismayed at the nocturnal visit +of the other. The cause was of course his wrong condition of mind; lack +of truth and its harmony in ourselves alone can make us miserable; there +is a cure for everything when that is cured. No ill in our neighbours, +if we be right in ourselves, will ever seem hopeless to us; but while we +stand wrapped in our own selfishness, our neighbour may well seem +incurable; for not only is there nothing in us to help their redemption, +but there is that in ourselves, and cherished in us, which cannot be +forgiven, but must be utterly destroyed. + +There was an unnatural look, at the same time pitiful and lovely, about +the boy, and the father sat and stared in gathering dread. He had nearly +imagined him an angel of some doom. + +Suddenly the child stretched out his hands to him, and with upcast, +beseeching face, and eyes that seemed to be seeing far off, came close +to his knee. Then the father remembered how once before, when a tiny +child, he had walked in his sleep, and how, suddenly wakened from it, he +had gone into a kind of fit, and had for a long time ailed from the +shock. Instantly anxious that nothing of the kind should occur again, he +took the child softly in his arms, lifted him to his knees, and held him +gently to his bosom. An expression of supreme delight came over the +boy's face--a look of absolute contentment mingled with hope. He put his +thin hands together, palm to palm, as if saying his prayers, but lifted +his countenance to that of his father. His gaze, however, though not its +direction, was still to the infinite. And now his lips began to move, +and a murmur came from them, which grew into words audible. He was +indeed praying to his father, but a father closer to him than the one +upon whose knees he sat. + +"Dear God," said the child--and before I blame the familiarity, I must +know that God is displeased with such address from the mouth of a child: +for this was not a taught prayer he neither meant nor felt-- + +"Dear God!" said the child, "I don't know what to do, for papa and +Corney, I am afraid, are both naughty. I would not say so to anybody but +you, God, for papa is your little boy as I am his little boy, and you +know all about it. I don't know what it is, and I think Corney must be +more to blame than my dear papa, but when he came home to-night he did +not go to papa, and papa did not go to him. They never said How do you +do, or Good-night--and Corney very ill too! and I am always wanting to +come to you, God, to see you. O God, you are our big papa! please put it +all right. I don't know how, or I would tell you; but it doesn't +matter--you would only smile at my way, and take a much better one of +your own. But please, dear God, make papa and Corney good, and never +mind their naughtiness, only make it just nothing at all. You know they +must love one another. I will not pray a word more, for I know you will +do just what I want. Good-by, God; I'm going to bed now--down there. +I'll come again soon." + +With that he slipped from his father's knee, who did not dare to detain +him, and walked from the room with slow stately step. + +By this time the heart of the strong hard man was swelling with the love +which, in it all along, was now awake. He could not weep, but sobbed +dry, torturing sobs, that seemed as if they would kill him. But he must +see that the boy was safe in bed, and rising he left the room. + +In the corridor he breathed more freely. Through an old window, the +bright moon, shining in peace with nobody to see, threw partly on the +wall and partly on the floor, a shadow-cross, the only thing to catch +the eye in the thin light. Severe protestant as Gerald Raymount was, he +found himself on his knees in the passage before the shadow--not +praying, not doing anything he knew, but under some spiritual influence +known only to God. + +When the something had reached its height, and the passion for the time +was over--when the rush of the huge tidal wave of eternity had subsided, +and his soul was clearing of the storm that had swept through it, he +rose from his knees and went up to Mark's room, two stories higher. The +moonlight was there too, for the boy had drawn back the window-curtains +that from his pillow he might see the stars, and the father saw his +child's white bed glimmering like a tomb. He drew near, but through the +gray darkness it was some seconds before he could rightly see the face +of his boy, and for a moment--I wonder how brief a moment is enough for +a death-pang to feel eternal!--for an awful moment he felt as if he had +lost him: when he left the study he had been lifted straight to the +bosom of the Father to whom he had prayed! Slow through the dusk dawned +his face. He had not then been taken bodily!--not the less was he +gone!--that was a dead face! But as he gazed in a fascination of fear, +his eyes grew abler to distinguish, and he saw that he breathed. He was +astonished to find how weak was the revulsion: we know more about our +feelings than about anything else, yet scarcely understand them at all; +they play what seem to us the strangest pranks--moving all the time by +laws divine. + +The boy seemed in his usual health, and was sleeping +peacefully--dreaming pleasantly, for the ghost of a smile glinted about +his just parted lips. Then upon the father--who was not, with all his +hardness, devoid of imagination--came the wonder of watching a dreamer: +what might not be going on within that brain, inaccessible as the most +distant star?--yea far more inaccessible, for what were gravity and +distance compared with difficulties unnamed and unnamable! No +spirit-shallop has yet been found to float us across the gulf, say +rather the invisible line, that separates soul from soul. Splendrous +visions might be gliding through the soul of the sleeper--his child, +born of his body and his soul--and not one of them was open to him! not +one of the thoughts whose lambent smile-flame flitted about his child's +lips would pass from him to him! Could they be more divided if the child +were dead, than now when he lay, in his sight indeed, yet remote in +regions of separate existence? + +But how much nearer to him in reality was the child when awake and about +the house? How much more did he know then of the thoughts, the loves, +the imaginations, the desires, the aspirations that moved in the heart +and brain of the child? For all that his contact with him came to, he +might as well be dead! A phantom of him moving silent about the house +fill the part as well! The boy was sickly: he might be taken from him +ere he had made any true acquaintance with him! he was just the child to +die young! He would see him again, it was to be hoped, in the other +world, but the boy would have so few memories of him, so few +associations with him that it would be hard to knot the new to the old! + +He turned away, and went back to his room. There, with a sense of +loneliness deeper than he had ever before felt, he went down on his +knees to beg the company of the great being whose existence he had so +often defended as if it were in danger from his creatures, but whom he +had so little regarded as actually existent that he had not yet sought +refuge with him. All the house was asleep--the major had long ended his +prayers and was slumbering by the fire--when Raymount knelt before the +living love, the source of his life, and of all the love that makes life +a good thing, and rose from his knees a humbler man. + + + + +CHAPTER LIII. + +A SAD BEGINNING. + + +Towards morning he went to bed, and slept late--heavily and unreposefully; +and, alas! when he woke, there was the old feeling returned! How _could_ +he forgive the son that had so disgraced him! + +Instead of betaking himself afresh to the living strength, he began--not +directly to fight himself, but to try to argue himself right, persuading +himself on philosophical grounds that it was better to forgive his son; +that it was the part of a wise man, the part of one who had respect to +his own dignity, to abstain from harshness, nor drive the youth to +despair: he was his own son--he must do what he could for him!--and so +on! But he had little success. Anger and pride were too much for him. +His breakfast was taken to him in the study, and there Hester found him, +an hour after, with it untasted. He submitted to her embrace, but +scarcely spoke, and asked nothing about Corney. Hester felt sadly +chilled, and very hopeless. But she had begun to learn that one of the +principal parts of faith is patience, and that the setting of wrong +things right is so far from easy that not even God can do it all at +once. But time is nothing to him who sees the end from the beginning; he +does not grudge thousands of years of labor. The things he cares to do +for us require our co-operation, and that makes the great difficulty: we +are such poor fellow-workers with him! All that seems to deny his +presence and labour only, necessitates a larger theory of that presence +and labour. Yet time lies heavy on the young especially, and Hester left +the room with a heavy heart. + +The only way in such stubbornnesses of the spirit, when we cannot feel +that we are wrong, is to open our hearts, in silence and loneliness and +prayer, to the influences from above--stronger for the right than any +for the wrong; to seek the sweet enablings of the living light to see +things as they are--as God sees them, who never is wrong because he has +no selfishness, but is the living Love and the living Truth, without +whom there would be no love and no truth. To rise humbly glorious above +our low self, to choose the yet infant self that is one with Christ, who +sought never his own but the things of his father and brother, is the +redemption begun, and the inheritance will follow. Mr. Raymount, like +most of us, was a long way indeed from this yet. He strove hard to +reconcile the memories of the night with the feelings of the +morning--strove to realize a state of mind in which a measure of +forgiveness to his son blended with a measure of satisfaction to the +wounded pride he called paternal dignity. How could he take his son to +his bosom as he was? he asked---but did not ask how he was to draw him +to repentance! He did not think of the tender entreaty with which, by +the mouths of his prophets, God pleads with his people to come back to +him. If the father, instead of holding out his arms to the child he +would entice to his bosom, folds them on that bosom and turns his +back--expectant it may be, but giving no sign of expectancy, the child +will hardly suppose him longing to be reconciled. No doubt there are +times when and children with whom any show of affection is not only +useless but injurious, tending merely to increase their self-importance, +and in such case the child should not see the parent at all, but it was +the opposite reason that made it better Cornelius should not yet see his +father; he would have treated him so that he would only have hated him. + +For a father not to forgive is in truth far worse than for a son to need +forgiveness; and such a father will of course go from bad to worse as +well as the son, except he repent. The shifty, ungenerous spirit of +compromise awoke in Raymount. He would be very good, very gentle, very +kind to every one else in the house! He would, like Ahab, walk softly; +he was not ready to walk uprightly: his forgiveness he would postpone! +He knew his feelings towards Corney were wearing out the heart of his +wife--but not yet would he yield! There was little Mark, however, he +would make more of him, know him better, and make the child know him +better! I doubt if to know his father better just then would have been +for Mark to love him more. + +He went to see how his wife was. Finding that, notwithstanding all she +had gone through the day before, she was a trifle better, he felt a +little angry and not a little annoyed: what added to his misery was a +comfort to her! she was the happier for having her worthless son! In the +selfishness of his misery he looked upon this as lack of sympathy with +himself. Such weakness vexed him too, in the wife to whom he had for so +many years looked up with more than respect, with even unacknowledged +reverence. He did not allude to Cornelius, but said he was going for a +walk, and went to find Mark--with a vague hope of consolation in the +child who had clung to him so confidently in the night. He had forgotten +it was not to him _his soul_ had clung, but to the father of both. + +Mark was in the nursery, as the children's room was still called. The +two never quarrelled; had they been two Saffies, they would have +quarrelled and made it up twenty times a day. When Mark heard his +father's step, he bounded to meet him; and when his sweet moonlit rather +than sunshiny face appeared at the door, the gloom on his father's +yielded a little; the gleam of a momentary smile broke over it, and he +said kindly: + +"Come, Mark, I want you to go for a walk with me." + +"Yes, papa," answered the boy.--"May Saffy come too?" + +The father was not equal however to the company of two of his children, +and Mark alone proceeded to get ready, while Saffy sulked in a corner. + +But he was not doing the right thing in taking him out. He ought to have +known that the boy was not able for anything to be called a walk; +neither was the weather fit for his going out. But absorbed in his own +trouble, the father did not think of his weakness; and Hester not being +by to object, away they went. Mark was delighted to be his father's +companion, never doubted all was right that he wished, and forgot his +weakness as entirely as did his father. + +With his heart in such a state the father naturally had next to nothing +to say to his boy, and they walked on in silence. The silence did not +affect Mark; he was satisfied to be with his father whether he spoke to +him or not--too blessed in the long silences between him and God to +dislike silence. It was no separation--so long as like speech it was +between them. For a long time he was growing tired without knowing it: +when weariness became conscious at last, it was all at once, and poor +Mark found he could scarcely put one leg past the other. + +The sun had been shining when they started--beautiful though not very +warm spring-sun, but now it was clouded and rain was threatened. They +were in the middle of a bare, lonely moor, easily reached from the +house, but of considerable extent, and the wind had begun to blow cold. +Sunk in his miserable thoughts, the more miserable that he had now +yielded even the pretence of struggle, and relapsed into unforgiving +unforgivenness, the father saw nothing of his child's failing strength, +but kept trudging on. All at once he became aware that the boy was not +by his side. He looked round: he was nowhere visible. Alarmed, he +stopped, and turning, called his name aloud. The wind was blowing the +other way, and that might be the cause of his hearing no reply. He +called again, and this time thought he heard a feeble response. He +retraced his steps rapidly. + +Some four or five hundred yards back, he came to a hollow, where on a +tuft of brown heather, sat Mark, looking as white as the vapour-like +moon in the daytime. + +His anxiety relieved, the father felt annoyed, and rated the little +fellow for stopping behind. + +"I wasn't able to keep up, papa," replied Mark. "So I thought I would +rest a while, and meet you as you came back." + +"You ought to have told me. I shouldn't have brought you had I known you +would behave so. Come, get up, we must go home." + +"I'm very sorry, papa, but I think I can't." + +"Nonsense!" + +"There's something gone wrong in my knee." + +"Try," said his father, again frightened. Mark had never shown himself +whimsical. + +He obeyed and rose, but with a little cry dropped on the ground. He had +somehow injured his knee that he could not walk a step. + +His father stooped to lift him. + +"I'll carry you, Markie," he said. + +"Oh, no, no, you must not, papa! It will tire you! Set me on that stone, +and send Jacob. He carries a sack of meal, and I'm not so heavy as a +sack of meal." + +His father was already walking homeward with him. The next moment Mark +spied the waving of a dress. + +"Oh," he cried, "there's Hessie! She will carry me!" + +"You little goose!" said his father tenderly, "can she carry you better +than I can?" + +"She is not stronger than you, papa, because you are a big man; but I +think Hessie has more carry in her. She has such strong arms!" + +Hester was running, and when she came near was quite out of breath. + +She had feared how it would be when she found her father had taken Mark +for a walk, and her first feeling was of anger, for she had inherited +not a little of her father's spirit: indirectly the black sheep had +roused evils in the flock unknown before. Never in her life had Hester +been aware of such a feeling as that with which she now hurried to meet +her father. When, however, she saw the boy's arms round his father's +neck, and his cheek laid against his, her anger went from her, and she +was sorry and ashamed, notwithstanding that she knew by Mark's face, of +which she understood every light and shade, that he was suffering much. + +"Let me take him, papa," she said. + +The father had no intention of giving up the child. But before he knew, +Mark had stretched his arms to Hester, and was out of his into hers. +Instinctively trying to retain him, he hurt him, and the boy gave a +little cry. Thereupon with a new pang of pain, and a new sting of +resentment, which he knew unreasonable but could not help, he let him go +and followed in distressed humiliation. + +Hester's heart was very sore because of this new grief, but she saw some +hope in it. + +"He is too heavy for you, Hester," said her father. "Surely as it is my +fault, I ought to bear the penalty!" + +"It's no penalty--is it, Markie?" said Hester merrily. + +"No, Hessie," replied Mark, almost merrily. "--You don't know how strong +Hessie is, papa!" + +"Yes, I am very strong. And you ain't heavy--are you, Markie?" + +"No," answered Mark; "I feel so light sometimes, I think I could fly; +only I don't like to try for fear I couldn't. I like to think perhaps I +could." + +By and by Hester found, with all her good will, that her strength was of +the things that can be shaken, and was obliged to yield him to her +father. It was much to his relief, for a sense of moral weakness had +invaded him as he followed his children: he was rejected of his family, +and had become a nobody in it! + +When at length they reached home, Mark was put to bed, and the doctor +sent for. + + + + +CHAPTER LIV. + +MOTHER AND SON. + + +In the meantime Cornelius kept his bed. The moment her husband was gone, +his mother rose and hastened to her son! Here again was a discord! for +the first time since their marriage, a jarring action: the wife was glad +the husband was gone that she might do what was right without annoying +him: with all her strength of principle, she felt too weak to go openly +against him, though she never dreamt of concealing what she did. She +tottered across his floor, threw herself on the bed beside him, and took +him to her bosom. + +With his mother Corney had never pretended to the same degree as with +other people, and his behaviour to her was now more genuine than to any +but his wife. He clung to her as he had never clung since his infancy; +and felt that, let his father behave to him as he might, he had yet a +home. All the morning he had been fretting, in the midst of Hester's +kindest attentions, that he had not his wife to do things for him as he +liked them done;--and in all such things as required for their +well-doing a fitting of self to the notions of another, Amy was indeed +before Hester--partly, perhaps, in virtue of having been a little while +married. But now that Cornelius had his mother, he was more content, or +rather less discontented--more agreeable in truth than she had known him +since first he went to business. She felt greatly consoled, and he so +happy with her that he began to wish that he had not a secret from +her--for the first time in his life to be sorry that he was in +possession of one. He grew even anxious that she should know it, but +none the less anxious that he should not have to tell it. + +A great part of the time when her husband supposed her asleep, she had +been lying wide awake, thinking of the Corney she had lost, and the +Corney that had come home to her instead: she was miserable over the +altered looks of her disfigured child. The truest of mothers, with all +her love for the real and indifference to outsides, can hardly be +expected to reconcile herself with ease to a new face on her child: she +has loved him in one shape, and now has to love him in another! It was +almost as if she had received again another child--her own indeed, but +taken from her the instant he was born and never seen by her +since--whom, now she saw him, she had to learn to love in a shape +different from that in which she had been accustomed to imagine him. His +sad, pock-marked face had a torturing fascination for her. It was almost +pure pain, yet she could not turn her eyes from it. She reproached +herself that it gave her pain, yet was almost indignant with the face +she saw for usurping the place of her boy's beauty: through that mask +she must force her way to the real beneath it! At the same time very +pity made her love with a new and deeper tenderness the poor spoilt +visage, pathetic in its ugliness. Not a word did she utter of reproach: +his father would do--was doing enough for both in that way! Every few +minutes she would gaze intently in his face for a moment, and then clasp +him to her heart as if seeking a shorter way to his presence than +through the ruined door of his countenance. + +Hester, who had never received from her half so much show of tenderness, +could not help, like the elder brother in the divine tale, a little +choking at the sight, but she soon consoled herself that the less poor +Corney deserved it the more he needed it. The worst of it to Hester was +that she could not with any confidence look on the prodigal as a +repentant one; and if he was not, all this tenderness, she feared and +with reason, would do him harm, causing him to think less of his crime, +and blinding him to his low moral condition. But she thought also that +God would do what he could to keep the love of such a mother from +hurting; and it was not long before she was encouraged by a softness in +Corney's look, and a humid expression in his eyes which she had never +seen before. Doubtless had he been as in former days, he would have +turned from such over flow of love as womanish gush; but disgraced, worn +out, and even to his own eyes an unpleasant object, he was not so much +inclined to repel the love of the only one knowing his story who did not +feel for him more or less contempt. Sometimes in those terrible +half-dreams in the dark of early morn when suddenly waked by conscience +to hold a _tete-a-tete_ with her, he would imagine himself walking +into the bank, and encountering the eyes of all the men on his way to +his uncle, whom next to his father he feared--then find himself running +for refuge to the bosom of his mother. She was true to him yet! he would +say: yes, he used the word! he said _true!_ Slowly, slowly, +something was working on him--now in the imagined judgment of others, +now in the thought of his wife, now in the devotion of his mother. +Little result was there for earthly eye, but the mother's perceived or +imagined a difference in him. If only she could descry something plain +to tell her husband! If the ice that froze up the spring of his love +would but begin to melt! For to whom are we to go for refuge from +ourselves if not to those through whom we were born into the world, and +who are to blame for more or less of our unfitness for a true +life?--"His father _must_ forgive him!" she said to herself. She +would go down on her knees to him. Their boy should _not_ be left +out in the cold! If he had been guilty, what was that to the cruel world +so ready to punish, so ready to do worse! The mother still carried in +her soul the child born of her body, preparing for him the new and +better, the all-lovely birth of repentance unto life. + +Hester had not yet said a word about her own affairs. No one but the +major knew that her engagement to lord Gartley was broken. She was not +willing to add yet an element of perturbance to the overcharged +atmosphere; she would not add disappointment to grief. + +In the afternoon the major, who had retired to the village, two miles +off, the moment his night-watch was relieved, made his appearance, in +the hope of being of use. He saw only Hester, who could give him but a +few minutes. No sooner did he learn of Mark's condition, than he +insisted on taking charge of him. He would let her know at once if he +wanted to see her or any one: she might trust him to his care! + +"I am quite as good at nursing--I don't say as you, cousin Hester, or +your mother, but as any ordinary woman. You will see I am! I know most +of the newest wrinkles, and will carry them out." + +Hester could not be other than pleased with the proposal; for having +both her mother and Corney to look after, and Miss Dasomma or Amy to +write to every day, she had feared the patient Mark might run some risk +of being neglected. To be sure Saffy had a great notion of nursing, but +her ideas were in some respects, to say the least, a little peculiar; +and though at times she was a great gain in the sick room, she could +hardly be intrusted with entire management of the same. So the major +took the position of head-nurse, with Saffy for aid, and one of the +servants for orderly. + +Hester's mind was almost constantly occupied with thinking how she was +to let her father and mother know what they must know soon, and ought to +know as soon as possible. She would tell her father first; her mother +should not know till he did: she must not have the anxiety of how he +would take it! But she could not see how to set about it. She had no +light, and seemed to have no leading--felt altogether at a standstill, +without impulse or energy. + +She waited, therefore, as she ought; for much harm comes of the +impatience that outstrips guidance. People are too ready to think +_something_ must be done, and forget that the time for action may +not have arrived, that there is seldom more than one thing fit to be +done, and that the wrong thing must in any case be worse than nothing. + +Cornelius grew gradually better, and at last was able to go down stairs. +But the weather continued so far unfavourable that he could not go out. +He had not yet seen his father, and his dread of seeing him grew to a +terror. He never went down until he knew he was not in the house, and +then would in general sit at some window that commanded the door by +which he was most likely to enter. He enticed Saffy from attendance on +Mark to be his scout, and bring him word in what direction his father +went. This did the child incalculable injury. The father was just as +anxious to avoid him, fully intending, if he met him, to turn his back +upon him. But it was a rambling and roomy old house, and there was +plenty of space for both. A whole week passed and they had not met--to +the disappointment of Hester, who cherished some hope in a chance +encounter. + +She had just one consolation: ever since she had Cornelius safe under +her wing, the mother had been manifestly improving. But even this was a +source of dissatisfaction to the brooding selfishness of the +unhealthy-minded father. He thought with himself--"Here have I been +heart and soul nursing her through the illness he caused her, and all in +vain till she gets the rascal back, and then she begins at once to +improve! She would be perfectly happy with him if she and I never saw +each other again!" + +The two brothers had not yet met. For one thing, Corney disliked the +major, and for another, the major objected to an interview. He felt +certain the disfigurement of Corney would distress Mark too much, and +retard the possible recovery of which he was already in great doubt. + + + + +CHAPTER LV. + +MISS DASOMMA AND AMY. + + +Miss Dasomma was quite as much pleased with Amy as she had expected to +be, and that was not a little. She found her very ignorant in the +regions of what is commonly called education, but very quick in +understanding where human relation came in. A point in construction or +composition she would forget immediately; but once shown a possibility +of misunderstanding avoidable by a certain arrangement, Amy would recall +the fact the moment she made again the mistake. Her teachableness, +coming largely of her trustfulness, was indeed a remarkable point in her +character. It was partly through this that Corney gained his influence +over her: superior knowledge was to her a sign of superior goodness. + +She began at once to teach her music: the sooner a beginning was made +the better! Her fingers were stiff, but so was her will: the way she +stuck to her work was pathetic. Here also she understood quickly, but +the doing of what she understood she found very hard--the more so that +her spirit was but ill at ease. Corney had deceived her; he had done +something wrong besides; she was parted from him, and could realize +little of his surroundings; all was very different from what she had +expected in marrying her Corney! Also, from her weariness and anxiety in +nursing him, and from other causes as well, her health was not what it +had been. Then Hester's letters were a little stiff! She felt it without +knowing what she felt, or why they made her uncomfortable. It was from +no pride or want of love they were such, but from her uncertainty--the +discomfort of knowing they were no nearer a solution of their difficulty +than when they parted at the railway: she did not even know yet what she +was going to do in the matter! This prevented all free flow of +communication. Unable to say what she would have liked to say, unwilling +to tell the uncomfortable condition of things, there rose a hedge and +seemed to sink a gulf between her and her sister. Amy therefrom, +naturally surmised that the family was not willing to receive her, and +that the same unwillingness though she was too good to yield to it, was +in Hester also. It was not in her. How she might have taken his marriage +had Corney remained respectable, I am not sure; but she knew that the +main hope for her brother lay in his love for Amy and her devotion to +him--in her common sense, her true, honest, bright nature. She was only +far too good for Corney! + +Then again Amy noted, for love and anxiety made her very sharp, that +Miss Dasomma did not read to her every word of Hester's letters. Once +she stopped suddenly in the middle of a sentence, and after a pause went +on with another! Something was there she was not to know! It might have +some reference to her husband! If so, then something was not going right +with him! Was he worse and were they afraid to tell her, lest she should +go to him! Perhaps they were treating him as her aunts treated +her--making his life miserable--and she not with him to help him to bear +it! All no doubt because she had married him! It explained his deceiving +her! If he had told them, as he ought to have done, they would not have +let her have him at all, and what would have become of her without her +Corney! He ought not certainly to have told her lies, but if anything +could excuse him, so that making the best of things, and excusing her +husband all she could, she was in danger of lowering her instinctively +high sense of moral obligation. + +She brooded over the matter but not long, she threw herself on her +knees, and begged her friend to let her know what the part of her +sister's letter she had not read to her was about. + +"But, my dear," said Miss Dasomma, "Hester and I have been friends for +many years, and we may well have things to say to each other we should +not care that even one we loved so much as you should hear?--A lady must +not be inquisitive, you know." + +"I know that, and I never did pry into other people's affairs. Tell me +it was nothing about my husband, and I shall be quite content." + +"But think a moment, Amy!" returned Miss Dasomma, who began to find +herself in a difficulty; "there might be things between his family and +him, who have known him longer than you, which they were not quite +prepared to tell you all about before knowing you better. Some people in +the way they treated you would have been very different from that angel +sister of yours! There is nobody like her--that I know!" + +"I love her with my whole heart," replied Amy sobbing--"next to +Cornelius. But even she must not come between him and me. If it is +anything affecting him, his wife has a right to know about it--a +greater right than any one else; and no one has a right to conceal it +from her!" + +"Why do you think that?" asked Miss Dasomma, entirely agreeing with her +that she had a right to know, but thinking also, in spite of logic, that +one might have a right to conceal it notwithstanding. She was anxious to +temporize, for she did not see how to answer her appeal. She could not +tell her a story, and she did not feel at liberty to tell her the truth; +and if she declined to answer her question, the poor child might imagine +something dreadful. + +"Why, miss," answered Amy, "we can't be divided! I must do what I +can--all I can for him, and I have a right to know what there is to be +done for him." + +"But can you not trust his own father and mother?" said Miss +Dasomma--and as she said it, her conscience accused her. + +"Yes, surely," replied Amy, "if they were loving him, and not angry with +him. But I have seen even that angel Hester look very vexed with him +sometimes, and that when he was ill too! and I know he will never stand +that: he will run away as I did. I know what your own people can do to +make you miserable! They say a woman must leave all for her husband, and +that's true; but it is the other way in the Bible--I read it this +morning! In the Bible it is--'a man shall leave father and mother and +cleave to his wife;' and after that who will say there ought to be +anything between him and his parents she don't know about. It's +_she_ that's got to look after the man given to her like that!" + +Miss Dasomma looked with admiration at the little creature--showing +fight like a wren for her nest. How rapidly she was growing! how noble +she was and free! She was indeed a treasure! The man she had married was +little worthy of her, but if she rescued him, not from his parents, but +from himself, she might perhaps have done as good a work as helping a +noble-hearted man! + +"I've got him to look after," she resumed, "and I will. He's mine, miss! +If anybody's not doing right by him, I ought to be by and see him +through it." + +Here Miss Dasomma's prudence for a moment forsook her: who shall explain +such _accidents_! It stung her to hear her friends suspected of +behaving unjustly. + +"That's all you know, Amy!" she blurted out--and bit her lip in vexation +with herself. + +Amy was upon her like a cat upon a mouse. + +"What is it?" she cried. "I _must_ know what it is! You shall +_not_ keep me in the dark! I _must_ do my duty by my husband. +If you do not tell me, I will go to him." + +In terror at what might be that result of her hasty remark, Miss Dasomma +faltered, reddened, and betrayed considerable embarrassment. A prudent +person, lapsing into a dilemma, is specially discomfitted. She had +committed no offence against love, had been guilty of no selfishness or +meanness, yet was in miserable predicament. Amy saw, and was the more +convinced and determined. She persisted, and Miss Dasomma knew that she +would persist. Presently, however, she recovered herself a little. + +"How can you wonder," she said with confused vagueness, "when you know +he deceived you, and never told them he was going to marry you?" + +"But they know nothing of it yet--at least from the way Hester writes!" + +"Yes; but one who could behave like that would be only too likely to +give other grounds of offence." + +"Then there _is_ something more--something I know nothing about!" +exclaimed Amy. "I suspected it the moment I saw Hester's face at the +door!"--she might have said before that.--"I _must_ know what it +is!" she went on. "I may be young and silly, but I know what a wife owes +to her husband; and a wife who cares for nothing but her husband can do +more for him than anybody else can. Know all about it I will! It is my +business!" + +Miss Dasomma was dumb. She had waked a small but active volcano at her +feet, which, though without design against vineyards and villages, would +go to its ends regardless of them! She must either answer her questions +or persuade her not to ask any. + +"I beg, Amy," she said with entreaty "you will do nothing rash. Can you +not trust friends who have proved themselves faithful?" + +"Yes; for myself," answered Amy: "but it is my _husband_!"--She +almost screamed the word.--"And I will trust nobody to take care enough +of _him_. They can't know how to treat him or he would love them +more, and would not have been afraid to let them know he was marrying a +poor girl. Miss Dasomma, what have you got against him? I have no fear +you will tell me anything but the truth!" + +"Of course not!" returned Miss Dasomma, offended, but repressing all +show of her feeling.--"Why then will you not trust me?" + +"I will believe whatever you say; but I will not trust even you to tell +or not tell me as you please where my husband is concerned. That would +be to give up my duty to him. Tell me what it is, or--" + +She did not finish the sentence: the postman's knock came to the door, +and she bounded off to see what he had brought, leaving Miss Dasomma in +fear lest she should appropriate a letter not addressed to her. She +returned with a look of triumph--a look so wildly exultant that her +hostess was momentarily alarmed for her reason. + +"Now I shall know the truth!" she said. "This is from himself!" + +And with that she flew to her room. Miss Dasomma should not hear a word +of it! How dared she keep from her what she knew about her husband! + +It was Corney's first letter to her. It was filled, not with direct +complaints, but a general grumble. Here is a part of it. + +"I do wish you were here, Amy, my own dearest! I love nobody like you--I +love nobody but you. If I did wrong in telling you a few diddle-daddies, +it was because I loved you so I could not do without you. And what +comforts me for any wrong I have done is that I have you. That would +make up to a man for anything short of being hanged! You little witch, +how did you contrive to make a fool of a man like me! I should have been +in none of this scrape but for you! My mother is very kind to me, of +course--ever so much better company than Hester! she never looks as if a +fellow had to be put up with, or forgiven, or anything of that sort, in +her high and mighty way. But you do get tired of a mother always keeping +on telling you how much she loves you. You can't help thinking there +must be something behind it all. Depend upon it she wants something of +you--wants you to be good, I daresay--to repent, don't you know, as they +call it! They're all right, I suppose, but it ain't nice for all that. +And that Hester has never told my father yet. + +"I haven't even seen my father. He has not come near me once! Saffy +wouldn't look at me for a long time--that's the last of the litter, you +know; she shrieked when they called to her to come to me, and cried, +'That's ugly Corney! I won't have ugly Corney!' So you may see how I am +used! But I've got her under my thumb at last, and she's useful. Then +there's that prig Mark! I always liked the little wretch, though he is +such a precious humbug! He's in bed--put out his knee, or something. He +never had any stamina in him! Scrofulous, don't you know! They won't let +me go near him--for fear of frightening him! But that's that braggart, +major Marvel--and a marvel he is, I can tell you! He comes to me +sometimes, and makes me hate him--talks as if I wasn't as good as +he,--as if I wasn't even a gentleman! Many's the time I long to be back +in the garret--horrid place! alone with my little Amy!" + +So went the letter. + +When Amy next appeared before Miss Dasomma, she was in another mood. Her +eyes were red with weeping, and her hair was in disorder. She had been +lying now on the bed, now on the floor, tearing her hair, and stuffing +her handkerchief in her mouth. + +"Well, what is the news?" asked Miss Dasomma, as kindly as she could +speak, and as if she saw nothing particular in her appearance. + +"You must excuse me," replied Amy, with the stiffness of a woman of the +world resenting intrusion. But the next moment she said, "Do not think +me unkind, miss; there is nothing, positively nothing in the letter +interesting to any one but myself." + +Miss Dasomma said nothing more. Perhaps she was going to escape without +further questioning! and though not a little anxious as to what the +letter might contain to have put the poor girl in such a state, she +would not risk the asking of a single question more. + +The solemn fact was, that his letter, in conjunction with the word Miss +Dasomma let slip, had at last begun to open Amy's eyes a little to the +real character of her husband. She had herself seen a good deal of his +family, and found it hard to believe they would treat him unkindly, nor +did he exactly say so; but his father had not been once to see him since +his return!--Corney had not mentioned that he himself, had all he could, +avoided meeting his father.--If then they did not yet know he was +married, that other thing--the cause for such treatment of a son just +escaped the jaws of death, must be a very serious one! It might be very +hard, it might be even unfair treatment--she could not tell; but there +must be something to explain it--something to show it not altogether the +monstrous thing it seemed! I do not say she reasoned thus, but her +genius reasoned thus for her. + +Of course it must be the same thing that made him take to the garret and +hide there! The more she thought of it the more convinced was she that +he had done something hideously wrong. It was a sore conviction to her, +and would have been a sorer yet had she understood his playful blame of +her in the letter. But such was the truth of her devotion that she would +only have felt accountable for the wrong, and bent body and soul to make +up for it. From the first glimmer of certainty as to the uncertain facts +she saw with absolute clearness what she must do. There was that in the +tone of the letter also, which, while it distressed her more than she +was willing to allow, strengthened her determination--especially the way +in which he spoke of his mother, for she not only remembered her +kindness at Burcliff, but loved the memory of her own mother with her +whole bright soul. But what troubled her most of all was that he should +be so careless about the wrong he had done, whatever it was. "I must +know all about it!" she said to herself, "or how am I to help him?" It +seemed to her the most natural thing that when one has done wrong, he +should confess it and confess it wrong--so have done with it, disowning +and casting away the cursed thing: this, alas, Cornelius did not seem +inclined to do! But was she, of all women in the world, to condemn him +without knowing what he had to say for himself? She was bound to learn +the truth of the thing, if only to give her husband fair play, which she +must give him to the uttermost farthing? To wrong him in her thoughts +was the greatest wrong woman could do him; no woman could wrong him as +she could! + +By degrees her mind grew calm in settled resolve. It might, she +reasoned, be very well for husband and wife to be apart while they were +both happy: they had only to think the more of each other; but when +anything was troubling either, still more when it was anything _in_ +either, then it was horrible and unnatural that they should be parted. +What could a heart then do but tear itself to pieces, think-thinking? It +was enough to make one kill oneself! + +Should she tell Miss Dasomma what was in her thoughts? Neither she nor +Hester had trusted her: needed she trust them? She must take her own way +in silence, for they would be certain to oppose it! could there be a +design to keep her and Corney apart? + +All the indignant strength and unalterable determination of the little +woman rose in arms. She would see who would keep them asunder now she +had made up her mind! She had money of her own--and there were the +trinkets Corney had given her! They must be valuable, for Corney hated +sham things! She would walk her way, work her way, or beg her way, if +necessary, but nothing should keep her from Corney! + +Not a word more concerning their difference passed between her and Miss +Dasomma. They talked cheerfully, and kissed as usual when parting for +the night. + +The moment she was in her room, Amy began to pack a small carpet-bag. +When that was done she made a bundle of her cloak and shawl, and lay +down in her clothes. Long before dawn she crept softly down the stairs, +and stole out. + +Thus for the second time was she a fugitive--then _from_, now +_to_. + +When Miss Dasomma had been down some time, she went up to see why Amy +was not making her appearance: one glance around her room satisfied her +that she was gone. It caused her terrible anxiety. She did not suspect +at first whither she had gone, but concluded that the letter which had +rendered her so miserable contained the announcement that their marriage +was not a genuine one, and that, in the dignity of her true heart, she +had thereupon at once and forever taken her leave of Cornelius. She +wrote to Hester, but the post did not leave before night, and would not +arrive till the afternoon of the next day. She had thought of sending a +telegram, but saw that that might do mischief. + +When Amy got to the station she found she was in time for the first +train of the day. There was no third-class to it, but she found she had +enough money for a second-class ticket, and without a moment's +hesitation, though it left her almost penniless, she took one. + + + + +CHAPTER LVI. + +THE SICK ROOM. + + +At Yrndale things went on in the same dull way, anger burrowing like a +devil-mole in the bosom of the father, a dreary spiritual fog hanging +over all the souls, and the mother wearying for some glimmer of a +heavenly dawn. Hester felt as if she could not endure it much longer--as +if the place were forgotten of God, and abandoned to chance. But there +was one dayspring in the house yet--Mark's room, where the major sat by +the bedside of the boy, now reading to him, now telling him stories, and +now and then listening to him as he talked childlike wisdom in childish +words. Saffy came and went, by no means so merry now that she was more +with Corney. In Mark's room she would at times be her old self again, +but nowhere else. Infected by Corney, she had begun to be afraid of her +father, and like him watched to keep out of his way. What seemed to add +to the misery, though in reality it operated the other way, was that the +weather had again put on a wintry temper. Sleet and hail, and even snow +fell, alternated with rain and wind, day after day for a week. + +One afternoon the wind rose almost to a tempest. The rain drove in +sheets, and came against the windows of Mark's room nearly at right +angles. It was a cheerful room, though low-pitched and very old, with a +great beam across the middle of it. There were coloured prints, mostly +of Scripture-subjects, on the walls; and the beautiful fire burning in +the bow-fronted grate shone on them. It was reflected also from the +brown polished floor. The major sat by it in his easy-chair: he could +endure hardship, but saved strength for work, nursing being none of the +lightest. A bedroom had been prepared for him next to the boy's: Mark +had a string close to his hand whose slightest pull sufficed to ring a +bell, which woke the major as if it had been the opening of a cannonade. + +This afternoon with the rain-charged wind rushing in fierce gusts every +now and then against the windows, and the twilight coming on the sooner +because the world was wrapt in blanket upon blanket of wet cloud, the +major was reading, by no means sure whether his patient waked or slept, +and himself very sleepy, longing indeed for a little nap. A moment and +he was far away, following an imaginary tiger, when the voice of Mark +woke him with the question: + +"What kind of thing do you like best in all the world, majie?--I mean +_this_ world, you know--and of course I don't mean God or +any_body_, but things about you, I mean." + +The major sat bolt upright, rubbed his eyes, stretched himself, but +quietly that Mark might not know he had waked him, pulled down his +waistcoat, gave a hem as if deeply pondering, instead of trying hard to +gather wits enough to understand the question put to him, and when he +thought his voice sufficiently a waking one not to betray him, answered: + +"Well, Mark, I don't think we can beat this same--can we? What do you +think?" + +"Let's see what makes it so nice!" returned Mark. "First of all, you're +there, majie!" + +"And you're there, Markie," said the major. + +"Yes, that's all right! Next there's my bed for me, and your easy-chair +for you, and the fire for us both! And the sight of your chair is better +to me than the feel of my bed! And the fire is _beautiful_, and +though I can't _feel_ that, because they're not my legs, I know it +is making your legs so nice and warm! And then there are the shines of +it all about the room! + +"What a beautiful thing a shine is, majie! I wish you would put on your +grand uniform, and let me see the fire shining on the gold lace and the +buttons and the epaulettes and the hilt of your sword!" + +"I will, Markie." + +"I've seen your sword, you know, majie! and I think it is the +beautifullest thing in the world. I wonder why a thing for killing +should be so beautiful! Can you tell me, majie?" + +The major had to think in order to answer that question, but thinking he +hit upon something like the truth of the thing. + +"It must be that it is not made for the sake of the killing, but for the +sake of the right that would else be trodden down!" he said, "Whatever +is on the side of the right ought to be beautiful." + +"But ain't a pirate's sword beautiful? I've read of precious stones in +the hilt of a pirate's sword! That's not for the right--is it now, +majie?" + +The boy was gradually educating the man without either of them knowing +it--for the major had to _think_ in order to give reasonable +answers to not a few of Mark's questions. The boy was an unconscious +Socrates to the soldier; for there is a Teacher who, by fitting them +right together, can use two ignorances for two teachings. Here the +ostensible master, who was really the principal pupil, had to think +hard. + +"Anything," he said at last, "may be turned from its right use, and then +it goes all wrong." + +"But a sword looks all right--it shines--even when it is put to a wrong +use!" + +"For a while," answered the major. "It takes time for anything that has +turned bad to lose its good looks." + +"But, majie," said Mark, "how can a sword ever grow ugly?" + +Again the major had to think. + +"When people put things to a bad use, they are not good themselves," he +said; "and when they are not good, they are lazy, and neglect things. +When a soldier takes to drinking or cruelty, he neglects his weapons, +and the rust begins to eat them, and at last will eat them up." + +"What is rust, majie?" + +"It is a sword's laziness, making it rot. A sword is a very strong +thing, but not taken care of will not last so long as a silk +handkerchief." + +At this point the major began to fear Mark was about to lead him into +depths and contradictions out of which he would hardly emerge. + +"Sha'n't we go on with our reading?" he said. + +Mark, however, had not lost sight of the subject they had started with, +and did not want to leave it yet. + +"But, majie," he replied, "we haven't done with what we like best! We +hadn't said anything about the thick walls round us--between us and the +wide, with the fire-sun shining on their smooth side, while the rain is +beating and the wind blowing on their rough side. Then there's the wind +and the rain all about us, and can't come at us! I fancy sometimes, as I +lie awake in the night, that the wind and the rain are huge packs of +wolves howling in a Russian forest, but not able to get into the house +to hurt us. Then I feel so safe! And that brings me to the best of all. +It is in fancying danger that you know what it is to be safe." + +"But, Mark, you know some people are really in danger!" + +"Yes, I suppose so--I don't quite know! I know that I am not in danger, +because there is the great Think between me and all the danger!" + +"How do you know he is between you and _all_ danger?" asked his +friend, willing to draw him out, and with no fear of making him uneasy. + +"I don't know how I know it; I only know that I'm not afraid," he +answered. "I feel so safe! For you know if God were to go to sleep and +forget his little Mark, then he would forget that he was God, and would +not wake again; and that could not be! He can't forget me or you, majie, +more than any one of the sparrows. Jesus said so. And what Jesus said, +lasts forever. His words never wear out, or need to be made over +again.--Majie, I do wish everybody was as good as Jesus! He won't be +pleased till we all are. Isn't it glad! That's why I feel so safe that I +like to hear the wind roaring. If I did not know that he knows all about +the wind, and that it is not the bad man's wind, but the good man's +wind, I should be unhappy, for it might hurt somebody, and now it +cannot. If I thought he did not care whether everybody was good or not, +it would make me so miserable that I should like to die and never come +to life again!--He will make Corney good--won't he, majie?" + +"I hope so, Markie," returned the major. + +"But don't you think we ought to do something to help to make Corney +good? You help me to be good, majie--every day, and all day long! I know +mother teaches him, for he's her first-born! He's like Jesus--he's God's +first-born! I'm so glad it was Jesus and not me!" + +"Why, Mark?" + +"Because if it had been me, I shouldn't have had any Jesus to love.--But +I don't think we ought to leave Corney to mother all alone: she's not +strong enough! it's too hard for her! Corney never was willing to be +good! I can't make it out! Why shouldn't he like to be good? It's surely +good to be good!" + +"Yes, Mark; but some people like their own way when it's ever so nasty, +better than God's way when it's ever so nice!" + +"But God must be able to let them know what foolish creatures they are, +majie!" + +It was on the major's lips to say 'He has sent you to teach it to me, +Mark!' but he thought it better not to say it. And indeed it was better +the child should not be set thinking about what he could do so much +better by not thinking about it! + +The major had grown quite knowing in what was lovely in a soul--could +see the same thing lovely in the child and the Ancient of days. Some +foolishly object that the master taught what others had taught before +him, as if he should not be the wise householder with his old things as +well as new: these recognize the old things--the new they do not +understand, therefore do not consider. Who first taught that the mighty +God, the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth, was like a child! Who +first said, "Love one another as I have loved you"? Who first dared to +say "He that overcometh shall sit down with me on my throne even as I +overcame and am set down with my father on his throne"?--taught men that +the creature who would but be a true creature should share the glory of +his creator, sitting with him upon his throne? + +"You see, majie," Mark went on, "it won't do for you and me to be so +safe from all the storm and wind, wrapped in God's cloak, and poor +Corney out in the wind and rain, with the wolves howling after him! You +may say it's his own fault--it's because he won't let God take him up +and carry him: that's very true, but then that's just the pity of +it!--It is so dreadful! I can't understand it!" + +The boy could understand good, but was perplexed with evil. + +While they talked thus in their nest of comfort there was one out in the +wind and rain, all but spent with their buffeting, who hastened with +what poor remaining strength she had to the doing of His will. Amy, left +at the station with an empty purse, had set out to walk through mire and +darkness and storm, up hill and down dale, to find her husband--the man +God had given her "to look after." + + + + +CHAPTER LVII. + +VENGEANCE IS MINE. + + +That same morning, Mr. Raymount had found it, or chosen to imagine it +necessary--from the instinct, I believe to oppose inner with outer +storm, to start pretty early for the county-town, on something he called +business, and was not expected home before the next day. Assuming heart +in his absence, Cornelius went freely wandering about the house, many +parts of which had not yet lost to him the interest of novelty, and +lunched with his mother and Hester and Saffy like one of the family. His +mother, wisely or not, did her best to prevent his feeling any +difference from old times: where one half of the parental pair erred so +much on the side of severity, perhaps it was well that the other should +err on that of leniency--I do not know; I doubt if it was right; I think +she ought to have justified her husband's conduct, to the extent to +which it would bear justification, by her own. But who shall be sure +what would have been right for another where so much was wrong and +beyond her setting right! If what is done be done in faith, some good +will come out of our mistakes even; only let no one mistake self-will +for that perfect thing faith! + +Their converse at table was neither very interesting nor very +satisfactory. How could it be? As well might a child of Satan be happy +in the house of Satan's maker, as the unrepentant Cornelius in the house +of his mother, even in the absence of his father. Their talk was poor +and intermittent. Well might the youth long for his garret and the +company of the wife who had nothing for him but smiles and sweetest +attentions! + +After dinner he sat for a time at the table alone. He had been ordered +wine during his recovery, and was already in some danger of adding a +fondness for that to his other weaknesses. He was one of those slight +natures to which wine may bring a miserable consolation. But the mother +was wise, and aware of the clanger, kept in her own hands the +administrating of the medicine. To-day, however, by some accident called +from the room, she had not put away the decanter, and Cornelius had +several times filled his glass before she thought of her neglect. When +she re-entered he sat as if he were only finishing the glass she had +left him with. The decanter revealed what had taken place, but the +mother blaming herself, thought it better to say nothing. + +Cornelius leaving the room in a somewhat excited mood, but concealing +it, sauntered into the library, and thence into the study, where was his +father's own collection of books. Coming there upon a volume by a +certain fashionable poet of the day, he lighted the lamp which no one +used but his father, threw himself into his father's chair, and began to +read. He never had been able to read long without weariness, and from +the wine he had drunk and his weakness, was presently overcome with +sleep. His mother came and went, and would not disturb him, vexed that +she failed in her care over him. I fear, poor lady! her satisfaction in +having him under her roof was beginning to wane in the continual trouble +of a presence that showed no signs of growth any more than one of the +dead. But her faith in the over-care of the father of all was strong, +and she waited in hope. + +The night now was very dark, "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain!" Up +above, the major and the boy talked of sweet, heavenly things, and down +below the youth lay snoring, where, had his father been at home, he +dared not have showed himself. The mother was in her own room, and +Hester in the drawing-room--where never now, in the oppression of these +latter times, did she open her piano. The house was quiet but for the +noise of the wind and the rain, and those Cornelius did not hear. + +He started awake and sat up in terror. A hand was on his shoulder, +gripping him like a metal instrument, not a thing of flesh and blood. +The face of his father was staring at him through the lingering vapours +of his stupid sleep. + +Mr. Raymount had started with a certain foolish pleasure in the prospect +of getting wet through, and being generally ill-used by the +weather--which he called _atrocious_, and all manner of evil names, +while not the less he preferred its accompaniment to his thoughts to the +finest blue sky and sunshine a southern summer itself could have given +him. Thinking to shorten the way he took a certain cut he knew, but +found the road very bad. The mud drew off one of his horse's shoes, but +he did not discover the loss for a long way--not until he came to a +piece of newly mended road. There the poor animal fell suddenly lame. +There was a roadside smithy a mile or two farther on, and dismounting he +made for that. The smith, however, not having expected anything to do in +such weather, and having been drinking hard the night before, was not +easily persuaded to appear. Mr. Raymount, therefore, leaving his horse +in the smithy, walked to an inn yet a mile or two farther on, and there +dried his clothes and had some refreshment. By the time his horse was +brought him and he was again mounted, the weather was worse than ever; +he thought he had had enough of it; and it was so late besides that he +could not have reached the town in time to do his business. He gave up +his intended journey therefore, and turning aside to see a friend in the +neighbourhood, resolved to go home again the same night. + +His feelings when he saw his son asleep in his chair, were not like +those of the father in that one story of all the world. He had been +giving place to the devil for so long, that the devil was now able to do +with him as he would--for a season at least. Nor would the possessed +ever have been able to recognize the presence of the devil, had he not a +minute or two of his full will with them? Or is it that the miserable +possessed goes farther than the devil means him to go? I doubt if he +cares that we should murder; I fancy he is satisfied if only we hate +well. Murder tends a little to repentance, and he does not want that. +Anyhow, we cherish the devil like a spoiled child, till he gets too bad +and we find him unendurable. Departing then, he takes a piece of the +house with him, and the tenant is not so likely to mistake him when he +comes again. Must I confess it at this man so much before the multitude +of men, that he was annoyed, even angry, to see this unpleasant son of +his asleep in _his_ chair! "The sneak!" he said! "he dares not show +his face when I'm at home, but the minute he thinks me safe, gets into +my room and lies in my chair! Drunk, too, by Jove!" he added, as a fume +from the sleeper's breath reached the nostrils beginning to dilate with +wrath. "What can that wife of mine be about, letting the rascal go on +like this! She is faultless except in giving me such a son--and then +helping him to fool me!" He forgot the old forger of a bygone century! +His side of the house had, I should say, a good deal more to do with +what was unsatisfactory in the lad's character than his wife's. + +The devil saw his chance, sprang up, and mastered the father. + +"The snoring idiot!" he growled, and seizing his boy by the shoulder and +the neck, roughly shook him awake. + +The father had been drinking, not what would have been by any of the +neighbours thought too much, but enough to add to the fierceness of his +wrath, and make him yet more capable of injustice. He had come into the +study straight from the stable, and when the poor creature looked up +half awake, and saw his father standing over him with a heavy whip in +his hand, he was filled with a terror that nearly paralyzed him. He sat +and stared with white, trembling lips, red, projecting eyes, and a look +that confirmed the belief of his father that he was drunk, whereas he +had only been, like himself, drinking more than was good for him. + +"Get out of there, you dog!" cried his father, and with one sweep of his +powerful arm, half dragged, half hurled him from the chair. He fell on +the floor, and in weakness mixed with cowardice lay where he fell. The +devil--I am sorry to have to refer to the person so often, but he played +a notable part in the affair, and I should be more sorry to leave him +without his part in it duly acknowledged--the devil, I say, finding the +house abandoned to him, rushed at once into brain and heart and limbs, +and _possessed_. When Raymount saw the creature who had turned his +hitherto happy life into a shame and a misery lying at his feet thus +abject, he became instantly conscious of the whip in his hand, and +without a moment's pause, a moment's thought, heaved his arm aloft, and +brought it down with a fierce lash on the quivering flesh of his son. He +richly deserved the punishment, but God would not have struck him that +way. There was the poison of hate in the blow. He again raised his arm; +but as it descended, the piercing shriek that broke from the youth +startled even the possessing demon, and the violence of the blow was +broken. But the lash of the whip found his face, and marked it for a +time worse than the small-pox. What the unnatural father would have done +next, I do not know. While the cry of his son yet sounded in his ears, +another cry like its echo from another world, rang ghastly through the +storm like the cry of the banshee. From far away it seemed to come +through the world of wet mist and howling wind. The next instant a +spectral face flitted swift as a bird up to the window, and laid itself +close to the glass. It was a French window, opening to the ground, and +neither shutters nor curtains had been closed. It burst open with a +great clang and clash and wide tinkle of shivering and scattering glass, +and a small figure leaped into the room with a second cry that sounded +like a curse in the ears of the father. She threw herself on the +prostrate youth, and covered his body with hers, then turned her head +and looked up at the father with indignant defiance in her flashing eye. +Cowed with terror, and smarting with keenest pain, the youth took his +wife in his arms and sobbed like the beaten thing he was. Amy's eye +gleamed if possible more indignantly still. Protection grew fierce, and +fanned the burning sense of wrong. The father stood over them like a +fury rather than a fate--stood as the shock of Amy's cry, and her stormy +entrance, like that of an avenging angel, had fixed him. But presently +he began to recover his senses, and not unnaturally sprang to the +conclusion that here was the cause of all his misery--some worthless +girl that had drawn Cornelius into her toils, and ruined him and his +family for ever! The thought set the geyser of his rage roaring and +spouting in the face of heaven. He heaved his whip, and the devil having +none of the respect of the ordinary well bred Englishman for even the +least adorable of women, the blow fell. But instead of another and +shriller shriek following the lash, came nothing but a shudder and a +silence and the unquailing eye of the girl fixed like that of a spectre +upon her assailant. He struck her again. Again came the shivering +shudder and the silence: the sense that the blows had not fallen upon +Corney upheld the brave creature. Cry she would not, if he killed her! +She once drew in her breath sharply, but never took her eyes from his +face--lay expecting the blow that was to come next. Suddenly the light +in them began to fade, and went quickly out; her head dropped like a +stone upon the breast of her cowardly husband, and there was not even +mute defiance more. + +What if he had killed the woman! At an inquest! A trial for murder!--In +lowest depths Raymount saw a lower deep, and stood looking down on the +pair with subsiding passion. + +Amy had walked all the long distance from the station and more, for she +had lost her way. Again and again she had all but lain down to die on +the moorland waste on to which she had wandered, when the thought of +Corney and his need of her roused her again. Wet through and through, +buffeted by the wind so that she could hardly breathe, having had +nothing but a roll to eat since the night before, but aware of the want +of food only by its faintness, cold to the very heart, and almost +unconscious of her numbed limbs, she struggled on. When at last she got +to the lodge gate, the woman in charge of it took her for a common +beggar, and could hardly be persuaded to let her pass. She was just +going up to the door when she heard her husband's cry. She saw the +lighted window, flew to it, dashed it open, and entered. It was the last +expiring effort of the poor remnant of her strength. She had not life +enough left to resist the shock of her father-in-law's blows. + +While still the father stood looking down on his children, the door +softly opened, and the mother entered. She knew nothing, not even that +her husband had returned, came merely to know how her unlovely but +beloved child was faring in his heavy sleep. She stood arrested. She saw +what looked like a murdered heap on the floor, and her husband standing +over it, like the murderer beginning to doubt whether the deed was as +satisfactory as the doing of it. But behind her came Hester, and peeping +over her shoulder understood at once. Almost she pushed her mother +aside, as she sprang to help. Her father would have prevented her. "No, +father!" she said, "it is time to disobey." A pang as of death went +through her at the thought that she had not spoken. All was clear! Amy +had come, and died defending her husband from his father! She put her +strong arms round the dainty little figure, and lifted it like a seaweed +hanging limp, its long wet hair continuing the hang of the body and +helpless head. Hester gave a great sob. Was this what Amy's lovely brave +womanhood had brought her to! What creatures men were! As the thought +passed through her, she saw on Amy's neck a frightful upswollen wale. +She looked at her father. There was the whip in his hand! "Oh, papa!" +she screamed, and dropped her eyes for shame: she could not look him in +the face--not for his shame, but for her shame through him. And as she +dropped them she saw the terrified face of Cornelius open its eyes. + +"Oh, Corney!" said Hester, in the tone of an accusing angel, and ran +with her from the room. + +The mother darted to her son. + +But the wrath of the father rose afresh at sight of her "infatuation." + +"Let the hound lie!" he said, and stepped between. "What right has he to +walk the earth like a man! He is but fit to go on all fours--Ha! ha!" he +went on, laughing wildly, "I begin to believe in the transmigration of +souls! I shall one day see that son of yours running about the place a +mangy mongrel!" + +"You've killed him, Gerald!--your own son!" said the mother, with a +cold, still voice. + +She saw the dread mark on his face, felt like one of the +dead--staggered, and would have fallen. But the arm that through her son +had struck her heart, caught and supported her. The husband bore the +wife once more to her chamber, and the foolish son, the heaviness of his +mother, was left alone on the floor, smarting, ashamed, and full of fear +for his wife, yet in ignorance that his father had hurt her. + +A moment and he rose. But, lo, in that shameful time a marvel had been +wrought! The terror of his father which had filled him was gone. They +had met; his father had put himself in the wrong; he was no more afraid +of him. It was not hate that had cast out fear. I do not say that he +felt no resentment, he is a noble creature who, deserving to be beaten, +approves and accepts: there are not a few such children: Cornelius was +none of such; but it consoled him that he had been hardly used by his +father. He had been accustomed to look vaguely up to his father as a +sort of rigid but righteous divinity; and in a disobedient, +self-indulgent, poverty-stricken nature like his, reverence could only +take the form of fear; and now that he had seen his father in a rage, +the feeling of reverence, such as it was, had begun to give way, and +with it the fear: they were more upon a level. Then again, his father's +unmerciful use of the whip to him seemed a sort of settling of scores, +thence in a measure, a breaking down of the wall between them. He seemed +thereby to have even some sort of claim upon his father: so cruelly +beaten he seemed now near him. A weight as of a rock was lifted from his +mind by this violent blowing up of the horrible negation that had been +between them so long. He felt--as when punished in boyhood--as if the +storm had passed, and the sun had begun to appear. Life seemed a trifle +less uninteresting than before. He did not yet know to what a state his +wife was brought. He knew she was safe with Hester. + +He listened, and finding all quiet, stole, smarting and aching, yet +cherishing his hurts like a possession, slowly to his room, there +tumbled himself into bed, and longed for Amy to come to him. He was an +invalid, and could not go about looking for her! it was her part to find +him! In a few minutes he was fast asleep once more, and forgot +everything in dreams of the garret with Amy. + +When Mrs. Raymount came to herself, she looked up at her husband. He +stood expecting such reproaches as never yet in their married life had +she given him. But she stretched out her arms to him, and drew him to +her bosom. Her pity for the misery which could have led him to behave so +ill, joined to her sympathy in the distressing repentance which she did +not doubt must have already begun, for she knew her husband, made her +treat him much as she treated her wretched Corney. It went deep to the +man's heart. In the deep sense of degredation that had seized him--not +for striking his son, who, he said, and said over and over to himself, +entirely deserved it, but for striking a woman, be she who she +might--his wife's embrace was like balm to a stinging wound. But it was +only when, through Hester's behaviour to her and the words that fell +from her, he came to know who she was, that the iron, the beneficent +spear-head of remorse, entered his soul. Strange that the mere fact of +our knowing _who a person is_, should make such a difference in the +way we think of and behave to that person! A person is a person just the +same, whether one of the few of our acquaintances or not, and his claim +on us for all kinds of humanities just the same. Our knowledge of any +one is a mere accident in the claim, and can at most only make us feel +it more. But recognition of Amy showed his crime more heinous. It +brought back to Mr. Raymount's mind the vision of the bright girl he +used to watch in her daft and cheerful service, and with that vision +came the conviction that not she but Corney must be primarily to blame: +he had twice struck the woman his son had grievously wronged! He must +make to her whatever atonement was possible--first for having brought +the villain into the world to do her such wrong, then for his own +cruelty to her in her faithfulness! He pronounced himself the most +despicable and wretched of men: he had lifted his hand against a woman +that had been but in her right in following his son, and had shown +herself ready to die in his defence! His wife's tenderness confirmed the +predominance of these feelings, and he lay down in his dressing-room a +humbler man than he had ever been in his life before. + + + + +CHAPTER LVIII. + +FATHER AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. + + +Hester carried poor little Amy to her own room, laid her on her own bed, +and did for her all one child of God could do for another. With hands +tender as a mother's, and weeping as she had never wept before, she +undressed her, put her in a warm bath, then got her into bed, and used +every enticement and persuasion to induce her to take some +nourishment--with poor success: the heart seemed to have gone out of +her. But instinctively Amy asked for milk, and that brought her round +better than anything else could have done. Still she lay like one dead, +seeming to care for nothing. She scarcely answered Hester when she +spoke, though she tried to smile to her: the most pitiful thing was that +smile Hester had ever seen. Her very brain and blood were haunted with +the presence of Corney's father. He seemed ever and always to be +standing over her and Corney with that terrible whip. All her thought +was how to get him away from the frightful place. Hester did her best to +reassure her. She told her Corney was fast asleep and little the worse; +did all she could to keep her quiet, and soothe her to sleep; and a +little after midnight was successful. Then she lay down herself on the +sofa beside her bed, sorely exhausted. + +In the gray of the morning Mr. Raymount woke. He was aware of a great +hush about him. He looked from the window, and saw in the east the first +glimmer of a lovely spring-day. The stillness awed, almost frightened +him. It was not around him only but in him; his very soul seemed hushed, +as if in his sleep the Voice had said "Peace! be still!" He felt like a +naughty child, who, having slept, seems to have slept away his +naughtiness. Yesterday seemed far away--only the shudder of it was left; +but he knew if he began to think it would be back with its agony. Had +some angel been by his bedside to soothe him? A demon had surely +possessed him! Had it been but hinted as within the bounds of +possibility that he should behave to a woman as he had behaved, he would +have laughed the idea to scorn! He had always thought himself a +chivalrous gentleman! This was the end of his faith in himself! His +grand Hester would not feel herself safe from him! Truly a demon had +possessed him: might not an angel have been by him as he slept? + +What had become of the poor girl? But he needed not to be anxious about +her: neither his wife nor his daughter would have turned her out into +the night! He would still be able to do something for her! He must make +atonement for treating her so brutally! Hope dawned feebly on his murky +horizon. He would be good to her as he would never have thought of had +he not ill-used her so! There was something to be done for +everybody--for himself and for poor Amy Amber! If she was gone he would +spend every penny he had to find her! But Cornelius would know! He must +see him! He would tell him he was sorry he had struck him! + +In the yet dark gray of the morning he went to his son's room. + +When he had all but reached the door he saw it was a little open. The +next instant he heard a soft voice within speaking persuadingly. He went +close and listened. It was Amy's voice!--In his house! In his son's +room! And after the lesson he had given them but the night before! This +was too bad! He pushed the door--and looked in! The dainty little figure +that had haunted his dreams was half lying on the bed, with an arm +thrown round his son. He could not see her face, but he could hear +perfectly the words that came through the dusk. + +"Corney darling!" she said, "you must get up. You must come away. Here I +am to take you from them. I was sure they were not treating you well! +That was what made me come. I did not know how cruel they were, or I +would have come long ago. But, Corney, you must have done something very +wrong! I don't mean to me; I don't care what you do to me; I am your +own. But you must have done something very wrong to make your father so +angry with you! And you cannot have said you were sorry, or he would +have forgiven you! He can't be a bad man--though he does hurt +dreadfully!" + +"He is a very good man!" muttered Corney from the pillow. + +"But I'm afraid," continued Amy, "if he hasn't been able to make you +sorry before, he will never be able now! To beat you as he did last +night will never make you repent." + +"Oh, he didn't hurt me much! You don't think a fellow would mind that +sort of thing from his own father--when he was in a passion, don't you +know? Besides, Amy--to you I will confess it--I only gave him too good +reason." + +"Come, then, come. We will go somewhere. I want to make you think the +right way about the thing; and when you are sorry, we will come back and +tell him so. Then perhaps he will forgive me and we shall be all happy +again." + +What was this he heard! The cunning creature! This was her trick to +entice him from his home!--And just as the poor boy was beginning to +repent too! She knew her trade! She would fall in with his better mood +and pretend goodness! She would help him to do what he ought! She would +be his teacher in righteousness! Deep, deep she was--beyond anything he +had dreamed possible! No doubt the fellow was just as bad as she, but +not the less must he do what little he yet might for the redemption of +his son! + +But as he thought thus it smote him that Cornelius could not but prefer +going with one who loved him, and talked to him like that, let her be +what she might, to staying with a father who treated him as he had been +doing ever since he came home! He would behave to him very differently +after this! But he must interfere now, cost what it might! What else was +he father for! + +He pushed the door wide and went in. + +Amy heard and raised herself from the bed, stood upright and faced the +comer. There was just light enough to see that it was the father. The +horrid idea shot through her mind that it was his custom to come thus to +his son's room in the night and lash him. She roused every fevered nerve +to do battle with the strong man for his son. Clenching her little hands +hard, she stood like a small David between the bed and the coming +Goliath. + +"Get out of this," he said, with the sternness of wrath suppressed. + +"I came to take him away," said Amy, who had begun to tremble from head +to foot. "It is my business to take care of him." + +"Your business to take care of him from his own"--he hesitated, then +said--"mother?" which certainly was the more fitting word. + +"If," answered Amy, "a man is to leave father and mother and cleave to +his wife, it's the least thing the wife can do to take care of him from +his father!" + +Mr. Raymount stood confounded: what could the hussey mean? Was she going +to pretend she was married to him? Indignation and rage began to rise +afresh; but if he gave way what might he not be guilty of a second time! +A rush of shame choked the words that crowded to his lips; and with the +self-restraint came wholesome doubt: was it possible he had married her? +Was it not possible? Would it not be just worthy of him to have done so +and never told one of his family! At least there need be nothing +incredible in it! This girl--yes--plainly she had both cunning and +fascination enough to make him not only run after her but marry her! How +was he to come at the truth of the thing? The coward would not have the +courage to contradict her, but he would know if he were lying! + +"Do you mean to tell me," he said, "that he has married you--without a +word to his own father or mother?" + +Then out at last spoke Cornelius, rising on his elbow in the bed: + +"Yes, father," he said, with slow determination, "I have married her. It +is all my fault, not one bit hers. I could never have persuaded her had +I not made her believe you knew all about it and had no objection." + +"Why did you not let us know then?" cried the father in a voice which +ill suited the tameness of the question. + +"Because I was a coward," answered Corney, speaking the truth with +courage. "I knew you would not like it." + +"Little _you_ know of what I like or dislike!" + +"You can soon prove him wrong, sir!" said Amy, clasping her hands, and +looking up in his face through the growing light of the morning. +"Forgive us, and take me too; I was so happy to think I was going to +belong to you all! I would never have married him, if I had +known--without your consent, I mean. It was very wrong of Corney, but I +will try to make him sorry for it." + +"You never will!" said Corney, again burying his head in the pillow. + +Now first the full horror of what he had done broke upon the mind of Mr. +Raymount. He stood for a moment appalled. + +"You will let me take him away then?" said Amy, thinking he hesitated to +receive her. + +Now whether it was from an impulse of honesty towards her, or of +justification of himself, I cannot tell, but he instantly returned: + +"Do you know that his money is stolen?" + +"If he stole it," she replied, "he will never steal again." + +"He will never get another chance. He cannot get a situation now." + +"I will work for both. It will only be me instead of him, and that's no +difference; he belongs to me as much as I do to him. If he had only kept +nothing from me, nothing of this would have happened.--Do come, Corney, +while I am able to walk; I feel as if I were going to die." + +"And this is the woman I was such a savage to last night!" said Mr. +Raymount to himself. + +"Forgive me, Amy!" he cried, stretching out his arms to her. "I have +behaved like a brute! To strike my son's wife! I deserve to be hanged +for it! I shall never forgive myself! But you must forgive me for +Christ's sake." + +Long ere he had ended Amy was in his arms, clinging to him--he holding +her fast to his bosom. + +The strong man was now the weaker; the father and not the daughter wept. +She drew back her head. + +"Come, Corney," she cried; "come directly! Out of your bed and down on +your knees to your own blessed father, and confess your sins. Tell him +you're sorry for them, and you'll never do them again." + +Corney obeyed: in some strange, lovely way she had got the mistressship +of his conscience as well as his heart. He got out of bed at once, went +straight down on his knees as she told him, and though he did not speak, +was presently weeping like a child. It was a strange group in the gray +of the new morning--ah, indeed, a new morning for them!--the girl in the +arms of the elderly man, and the youth kneeling at their feet, both men +weeping and the girl radiant. + +Gerald Raymount closed the door on his son and his son's wife, and +hastened to his own to tell her all. + +"Then surely will the forgiveness of God and his father take away +Corney's disgrace!" said the mother. + +The arrival of this state of things was much favoured by the severe +illness into which Amy fell immediately the strain was off her. She was +brought almost to death's door. Corney in his turn became nurse, and +improved not a little from his own anxiety, her sweetness, and the +sympathy of every one, his father included, with both of them. But such +was her constitution that when she began to recover she recovered +rapidly, and was soon ready for the share lovingly allotted her in the +duties of the house. + + + + +CHAPTER LIX. + +THE MESSAGE. + + +But the precious little Mark did not get better; and it soon became very +clear to the major that, although months might elapse ere he left them, +go he must before long. It was the sole cloud that now hung over the +family. But the parting drew nigh so softly and with so little increase +of suffering, also with such a changeless continuance of sweet, loving +ways, and mild but genuine enjoyment of existence, that of those who +would most feel the loss of him, he only was thoroughly aware that death +was at the door. The rest said the summer would certainly restore him; +but the major expected him to die in the first of the warm weather. The +child himself believed he was going soon. His patience, resting upon +entire satisfaction with what God pleased, was wonderful. + +"Isn't it nice, majie," he said more than once, in differing forms, +"that I have nothing to do with anything--that there is no preparation, +no examination wanted for dying? It's all done for you! You have just to +be lifted and taken--and that's so nice! I don't know what it will feel +like, but when God is with you, you don't mind anything." + +Another time he said, + +"I was trying, while you were resting, majie, to tell Saffy a dream I +had; and when I had told her she said, 'But it's all nonsense, you know, +Mark! It's only a dream!'--What do you think, majie?" + +"Was it a dream, Mark?" asked the major. + +"Yes, it was a dream, but do you think a dream is nothing at all? I +think, if it is a good dream, it must be God's. For you know every good +as well as every perfect gift is from the father of lights! He made the +thing that dreams and the things that set it dreaming; so he must be the +master of the dreams--at least when he pleases--and surely always of +those who mind him!--The father of lights!" he repeated; "what a +beautiful name! The father of all the bright things in the world! +Hester's eyes, and your teeth, majie! and all the shines of the fire on +the things in the room! and the sun and the far-away stars that I shall +know more about by and by! and all the glad things that come and go in +my mind, as I lie here and you are sitting quiet in your chair, +majie!--and sometimes at night, oh, so many! when you think I am +sleeping! Oh, I will love him, and be afraid of nothing! I know he is in +it all, and the dark is only the box he keeps his bright things in! + +"Oh, he is such a good father of lights! Do you know, majie, I used to +think he came and talked to me in the window-seat when I was a child! +What if he really did, and I should be going to be made sure that he +did--up there, I mean, you know--I don't know where, but it's where +Jesus went when he went back to his papa! Oh, how happy Jesus must have +been when he got back to his papa!" + +Here he began to cough, and could not talk more; but the major did not +blame himself that he had not found the heart to stop him, though he +knew it was not what is called _good_ for him: the child when moved +to talk must be happier talking, and what if he died a few minutes +sooner for it!--was born again rather! thought the major to himself--and +almost added, "I would that my time were come!" For the child's and the +soldier's souls had got nearer to each other, than were yet any two +souls in that house in absolute love. + +A great silent change, not the less a development, had been and was +passing in the major. Mark not only was an influence on him altogether +new, but had stirred up and brought alive in him a thousand influences +besides, not merely of things hitherto dormant in him, but of memories +never consciously, operant--words of his mother; a certain +Sunday-evening with her; her last blessing on his careless head; the +verse of a well-known hymn she repeated as she was dying; old scraps of +things she had taught him; dying little Mark gave life to these and many +other things. The major had never been properly a child, but now lived +his childness over again with Mark in a better fashion. + +"I have had such a curious, such a beautiful dream, majie!" he said, +waking in the middle of one night. The major was sitting up with him: he +was never left alone now. + +"What was it, Markie?" asked the major. + +"I should like Corney to hear it," returned Mark. + +"I will call him, and you can then tell it us together." + +"Oh, I don't think it would do to wake Corney up! He would not like +that! He must hear it sometime--but it must be at the right time, else +he would laugh at it, and I could not bear that. You know Corney always +laughs, without thinking first whether the thing was made for laughing +at!" + +By this time Corney had been to see Mark often. He always spoke kindly +to him now, but always as a little goose, and Mark, the least assuming +of mortals, being always in earnest, did not like the things he wanted +"to go in at Corney's ears to be blown away by Corney's nose!" For +Corney had a foolish way of laughing through his nose, and it sounded so +scornful, that the poor child would not expose to it what he loved. +Hence he was not often ready to speak freely to Corney--or to another +when he was within hearing distance. + +"But I'll tell you what, majie," he went on "--I'll tell _you_ the +dream, and then, if I should go away without having told him, you must +tell it to Corney. He won't laugh then--at least I don't think he will. +Do you promise to tell it to him, majie?" + +"I will," answered the major, drawing himself up with a mental military +salute, and ready to obey to the letter whatever Mark should require of +him. + +Without another word the child began. + +"I was somewhere," he said, "--I don't know where, and it don't matter +where, for Jesus was there too. And Jesus gave a little laugh, such a +beautiful little laugh, when he saw me! And he said, 'Ah, little one, +now you see me! I have been getting your eyes open as fast as I could +all the time! We're in our father's house together now! But, Markie, +where's your brother Corney?' And I answered and said, 'Jesus, I'm very +sorry, but I don't know. I know very well that I'm my brother's keeper, +but I can't tell where he is.' Then Jesus smiled again, and said, 'Never +mind, then. I didn't ask you because I didn't know myself. But we must +have Corney here--only we can't get him till he sets himself to be good! +You must tell Corney, only not just yet, that I want him. Tell him that +he and I have got one father, and I couldn't bear to have him out in the +cold, with all the horrid creatures that won't be good! Tell him I love +him so that I will be very sharp with him if he don't make haste and +come home. Our father is _so_ good, and it is dreadful to me that +Corney won't mind him! He is _so_ patient with him, Markie!' 'I +know that, Jesus,' I said; 'I know that he could easily take him to +pieces again because he don't go well, but he would much rather make him +go right'--I suppose I was thinking of mamma's beautiful gold watch, +with the wreath of different-coloured gold round the face of it: that +wouldn't go right, and papa wanted to change it, but mamma liked the old +one best. And I don't know what came next.--Now what am I to do, majie? +You see I couldn't bear to have that dream laughed at. Yet I must tell +it to Corney because there is a message in it for him!" + +Whether the boy plainly believed that the Lord had been with him, and +had given him a message to his brother, the major dared not inquire. +"Let the boy think what he thinks!" he said to himself. "I dare not look +as if I doubted." Therefore he did not speak, but looked at the child +with his soul in his eyes. + +"I do not think," Mark went on, "that he wanted me to tell Corney the +minute I woke: he knows how sore it would make me to have him laugh at +what _he_ said! I think when the time comes he will let me know it +is come. But if I found I was dying, you know, I would try and tell him, +whether he laughed or not, rather than go without having done it. But if +Corney knew I was going, I don't think he would laugh." + +"I don't think he would," returned the major. "Corney is a better boy--a +little--I do think, than he used to be. You will be able to speak to him +by and by, I fancy." + +A feeling had grown upon the household as if there were in the house a +strange lovely spot whence was direct communication with heaven--a +little piece cut out of the new paradise and set glowing in the heart of +the old house of Yrndale--the room where Mark lay shining in his bed, a +Christ-child, if ever child might bear the name. As often as the door +opened loving eyes would seek first the spot where the sweet face, the +treasure of the house, lay, reflecting already the light of the sunless +kingdom. + +That same afternoon, as the major, his custom always of an afternoon, +dozed in his chair, the boy suddenly called out in a clear voice, + +"Oh, majie, there was one bit of my dream I did not tell you! I've just +remembered it now for the first time!--After what I told you,--do you +remember?--" + +"I do indeed," answered the major. + +"--After that, Jesus looked at me for one minute--no, not a minute, for +a minute--on mamma's watch at least--is much longer, but say perhaps for +three seconds of a minute, and then said just one word,--'Our father, +Markie!' and I could not see him any more. But it did not seem to matter +the least tiny bit. There was a stone near me, and I sat down upon it, +feeling as if I could sit there without moving to all eternity, so happy +was I, and it was because Jesus's father was touching me everywhere; my +head felt as if he were counting the hairs of it. And he was not only +close to me, but far and far and farther away, and all between. Near and +far there was the father! I neither saw nor felt nor heard him, and yet +I saw and heard and felt him so near that I could neither see nor hear +nor feel him. I am talking very like nonsense, majie, but I can't do it +better. It was God, God everywhere, and there was no nowhere anywhere, +but all was God, God, God; and my heart was nothing, knew nothing but +him; and I felt I could sit there for ever, because I was right in the +very middle of God's heart. That was what made everything look so all +right that I was anxious about nothing and nobody." + +Here he paused a little. + +"He had a sleeping draught last night!" said the major to himself. +"--But the sleeping draught was God's, and who can tell whether God may +not have had it given to him just that he might talk with him! Some +people may be better to talk to when they are asleep, and others when +they are awake!" + +"And then, after a while," the boy resumed, "I seemed to see a black +speck somewhere in the all-blessed. And I could not understand it, and I +did not like it; but always I kept seeing this black speck--only one; +and it made me at last, in spite of my happiness, almost miserable, +'Only,' I said to myself, 'whatever the black speck may be, God will rub +it white when he is ready!' for, you knew, he couldn't go on for ever +with a black speck going about in his heart! And when I said this, all +at once I knew the black speck was Corney, and I gave a cry. But with +that the black speck began to grow thin, and it grew thin and thin till +all at once I could see it no more, and the same instant Corney stood +beside me with a smile on his face, and the tears running clown his +cheeks. I stretched out my arms to him, and he caught me up in his, and +then it was all right; I was Corney's keeper, and Corney was my keeper, +and God was all of us's keeper. And it was then I woke, majie, not +before." + +The days went on. Every new day Mark said, "Now, majie, I do think +to-day I shall tell Corney my dream and the message I have for him!" But +the day grew old and passed, and the dream was not told. The next and +the next and the next passed, and he seemed to the major not likely ever +to have the strength to tell Corney. Still even his mother, who was now +hardly out of his room during the day, though the major would never +yield the active part of the nursing, did not perceive that his time was +drawing nigh. Hester, also, was much with him now, and sometimes his +father, occasionally Corney and Mrs. Corney, as Mark called her with a +merry look--very pathetic on his almost transparent face; but none of +them seemed to think his end quite near. + +One of the marvellous things about the child was his utter lack of +favouritism. He had got so used to the major's strong arms and +systematic engineering way of doing things as to prefer his nursing to +that of any one else; yet he never objected to the substitution of +another when occasion might require. He took everything that came to him +as in itself right and acceptable. He seemed in his illness to love +everybody more than even while he was well. For every one he kept his or +her own place. His mother was the queen; but he was nearly as happy with +Hester as with her; and the major was great; but he never showed any +discomfort, not to say unhappiness, when left alone for a while with +Saffy--who was not always so reasonable as he would have liked her to +be. When several were in the room, he would lie looking from one to +another like a miser contemplating his riches--and well he might! for +such riches neither moth nor rust corrupt, and they are the treasures of +heaven also. + +One evening most of the family were in the room: a vague sense had +diffused itself that the end was not far off, and an unconfessed +instinct had gathered them. + +A lamp was burning, but the fire-light was stronger. + +Mark spoke. In a moment the major was bending over him. + +"Majie," he said, "I want Corney. I want to tell him." + +The major, on his way to Corney, told the father that the end was nigh. +With sorely self-accusing heart, for the vision of the boy on the stone +in the middle of the moor haunted him, he repaired to the anteroom of +heaven. + +Mark kept looking for Corney's coming, his eyes turning every other +moment to the door. When his father entered he stretched out his arms to +him. The strong man bending over him could not repress a sob. The boy +pushed him gently away far enough to see his face, and looked at him as +if he could not quite believe his eyes. + +"Father," he said--he had never called him _father_ before--"you +must be glad, not sorry. I am going to your father and my father--to our +great father." + +Then seeing Corney come in, he stretched his arms towards him past his +father, crying, "Corney! Corney!" just as he used to call him when he +was a mere child. Corney bent over him, but the outstretched arms did +not close upon him; they fell. + +But he was not yet ascended. With a strength seeming wonderful when they +thought of it afterwards, he signed to the major. + +"Majie," he whispered, with a look and expression into the meaning of +which the major all his life long had never done inquiring, "Majie! +Corney! you tell!" + +Then he went. + +I think it was the grief at the grave of Lazarus that made our Lord +weep, not his death. One with eyes opening into both worlds could hardly +weep over any law of the Father of Lights! I think it was the +impossibility of getting them comforted over this thing death, which +looked to him so different from what they thought it, that made the +fearless weep, and give them in Lazarus a foretaste of his own +resurrection. + +The major alone did not weep. He stood with his arms folded, like a +sentry relieved, and waiting the next order. Even Corney's eyes filled +with tears, and he murmured, "Poor Markie!" It should have been "Poor +Corney!" He stooped and kissed the insensate face, then drew back and +gazed with the rest on the little pilgrim-cloak the small prophet had +dropped as he rose to his immortality. + +Saffy, who had been seated gazing into the fire, and had no idea of what +had taken place, called out in a strange voice, "Markie! Markie!" + +Hester turned to her at the cry, and saw her apparently following +something with her eyes along the wall from the bed to the window. At +the curtained window she gazed for a moment, and then her eyes fell, and +she sat like one in a dream. A moment more and she sprang to her feet +and ran to the bed, crying again, "Markie! Markie!" Hester lifted her, +and held her to kiss the sweet white face. It seemed to content her; she +went back to her stool by the fire; and there sat staring at the +curtained window with the look of one gazing into regions unknown. + +That same night, ere the solemn impression should pass, the major took +Corney to his room, and recalling every individual expression he could +of the little prophet-dreamer, executed, not without tears, the +commission intrusted to him. And Corney did not laugh. He listened with +a grave, even sad face; and when the major ceased, his eyes were full of +tears. + +"I shall not forget Markie's dream," he said. + +Thus came everything in to help the youth who had begun to mend his +ways. + +And shall we think the boy found God not equal to his dream of him? He +made our dreaming: shall it surpass in its making his mighty self? Shall +man dream better than God? or God's love be inferior to man's +imagination or his own? + + + + +CHAPTER LX. + +A BIRTHDAY GIFT. + + +When Mark's little cloak was put in the earth, for a while the house +felt cold--as if the bit of Paradise had gone out. Mark's room was like +a temple forsaken of its divinity. But it was not to be drifted up with +the sand of forgetfulness! The major put in a petition that it might +continue to be called Mark's, but should be considered the major's: he +would like to put some of his things in it and occupy it when he came! +Every one was pleased with the idea. They no longer would feel so +painfully that Mark was not there when his dear majie occupied the room! + +To the major it was thenceforth chamber and chapel and monument. It +should not be a tomb save as upon the fourth day the sepulchre in the +garden! he would fill it with live memories of the risen child! Very +different was his purpose from that sickly haunting of the grave in +which some loving hearts indulge! We are bound to be hopeful, nor wrong +our great-hearted father. + +Mark's books and pictures remained undisturbed. The major dusted them +with his own hands. Every day he read in Mark's bible. He never took it +away with him, but always when he returned in whatever part of the bible +he might have read in the meantime, he resumed his reading where he had +left off in it, The sword the boy used so to admire for its brightness +that he had placed it unsheathed upon the wall for the firelight to play +upon it, he left there, shining still. In Mark's bed the major slept, +and to Mark's chamber he went always to shut to the door. In solitude +there he learned a thousand things his busy life had prepared him for +learning. The master had come to him in the child. In him was fulfilled +a phase of the promise that whosoever receives a child in the name of +Jesus receives Jesus and his father. Through ministering to the child he +had come to know the child's elder brother and master. It was the +presence of the master in the child, that without his knowing it, opened +his heart to him, and he had thus entertained more than an angel. + +Time passed, and their hearts began, not through any healing power in +time, but under the holy influences of duty and love and hope, to cover +with flowers their furrows of grief. Hester's birthday was at hand. The +major went up to London to bring her a present. He was determined to +make the occasion, if he could, a cheerful one. + +He wrote to his cousin Helen asking if he might bring a friend with him. +He did not think, he said, his host or hostess knew him, but Hester did: +he was a young doctor, and his name was Christopher. He had met him +amongst "Hester's friends," and was much taken with him. He would be a +great acquisition to their party. He had been rather ailing for some +time, and as there was much less sickness now, he had persuaded him to +take a little relaxation. + +Hester said for her part she would be most happy to see Mr. Christopher; +she had the highest esteem for him; and therewith she told them +something of his history. Mr. Raymount had known his grandfather a +little in the way of business, and was the more interested in him. + +I may mention here that Corney soon began to show a practical interest +in the place--first in the look of it--its order and tidiness, and then +in its yield, beginning to develop a faculty for looking after property. +Next he took to measuring the land. Here the major could give him no end +of help; and having thus found a point of common interest, they began to +be drawn a little together, and to conceive a mild liking for each +other's company. Corney saw by degrees that the major knew much more +than he; and the major discovered that Corney had some brains. + +Everything was now going on well at Yrndale--thanks to the stormy and +sorrowful weather that had of late so troubled its spiritual atmosphere, +and killed so many evil worms in its moral soil! + +As soon as the distress caused by Corney's offences was soothed by +reviving love for the youth and fresh hope in him, Hester informed her +parents of the dissolution of her engagement to lord Gartley. The mother +was troubled: it is the girl that suffers evil judgment in such a case, +and she knew how the tongue of the world would wag. But those who +despise the ways of the world need not fret that low minds attribute to +them the things of which low minds are capable. The world and its +judgments will pass: the poisonous tongue will one day become pure, and +make ample apology for its evil speaking. The tongue is a fire, but +there is a stronger fire than the tongue. Her father and the major cared +little for this aspect of the matter, for they had both come to the +conclusion that the public is only a sort of innocent, whose behaviour +may be troublesome or pleasant, but whose opinion is worth considerably +less than that of a wise hound, The world is a fine thing to save, but a +wretch to worship. Neither did the father care much for lord Gartley, +though he had liked him; the major, we know, both despised and detested +him. + +Hester herself was annoyed to find how soon the idea of his lordship +came to be altogether a thing of her past, looking there in its natural +place, a thing to trouble her no more. At his natural distance from her, +she could not fail to see what a small creature her imagination, and the +self that had mingled with her noblest feelings concerning him, had +chosen as her companion and help in her schemes of good. But she was +able to look on the whole blunder with calmness, and a thankfulness that +kept growing as the sting of her fault lost its burning, lenified in the +humility it brought. + +There was nothing left her now, she said to herself, but the best of +all--a maiden life devoted to the work of her master. She was not +willing any more to run the risk of loosing her power to help the Lord's +creatures, down trodden of devils, _well-to-do_ people, and their +own miserable weaknesses and vices. Even remaining constant to duty, she +must, in continuous disappointment and the mockery of a false unity, +have lost the health, and worse, the spirits necessary to wholesome +contact and such work as she was fain to do. In constant opposition to +her husband, spending the best part of her strength in resistance ere it +could reach the place where it ought to be applied entire, with strife +consciously destroying her love and keeping her in a hopeless unrest, +how could any light have shone from her upon those whose darkness made +her miserable! Now she would hold herself free! What a blessed thing it +was to be her own mistress and the slave of the Lord, externally free! +To be the slave of a husband was the worst of all slavery except +self-slavery! + +Nor was there in this her conclusion anything of chagrin, or pettish +self-humiliation. St. Paul abstained from marriage that he might the +better do the work given him by the Lord. For his perilous and laborious +work it was better, he judged, that he should not be married. It was for +the kingdom of heaven's sake. + +Her spirits soon returned more buoyant than before. Her health was +better. She found she had been suffering from an oppression she had +refused to recognize--already in no small measure yoked, and right +unequally. Only a few weeks passed, and, in the prime of health and that +glorious thing feminine strength, she looked a yet grander woman than +before. There was greater freedom in her carriage, and she seemed to +have grown. The humility that comes with the discovery of error had made +her yet more dignified: true dignity comes only of humility. Pride is +the ruin of dignity, for it is a worshipping of self, and that involves +a continuous sinking. Humility, the worship of the Ideal--that is, of +the man Christ Jesus, is the only lifter-up of the head. + +Everybody felt her more lovable than before. Her mother began to feel an +enchantment of peace in her presence. Her father sought her company more +than ever in his walks, and not only talked to her about Corney, but +talked about his own wrong feelings towards him, and how he had been +punished for them by what they wrought in him. He had begun, he told +her, to learn many things he had supposed he knew he had only thought +and written and talked about them! Father and daughter were therefore +much to each other now. Even Corney perceived a change in her. For one +thing, scarce a shadow of that "superiority" remained which used to +irritate him so much, making him rebel against whatever she said. She +became more and more Amy's ideal of womanhood, and by degrees she taught +her husband to read more justly his beautiful sister. She pointed out to +him how few would have tried to protect and deliver him as she had done; +how few would have so generously taken herself, a poor uneducated girl, +to a sister's heart. So altogether things were going well in the family: +it was bidding fair to be a family forevermore. + +Miss Dasomma came to spend a few days with Hester and help celebrate her +birthday: she was struck with improvement where she would have been +loath to allow it either necessary or possible. Compelled to admit its +presence, she loved her yet more--for the one a fact, the other was a +necessity. + +Her birthday was the sweetest of summer days, and she looked a perfect +summer-born woman. She dressed herself in white, but not so much for her +own birthday as for Mark's into the heavenly kingdom. + +After breakfast all except the mother went out. Hester was little +inclined to talk, and the major was in a thoughtful, brooding mood. Miss +Dasomma and Mr. Raymount alone conversed. When the rest reached a +certain spot whither Mr. Raymount had led them for the sake of the view, +Hester had fallen a little behind, and Christopher went back to meet +her. + +"You are thinking of your brother," he said, in a tone that made her +feel grateful. + +"Yes," she answered. + +"I knew by your eyes," he returned. "I wish I could talk to you about +him. The right way of getting used to death is to go nearer the dead. +Suppose you tell me something about him! Such children are rare! They +are prophets to whose word we have to listen." + +He went on like this, drawing her from sadness with gentle speech about +children and death, and the look and reality of things; and so they +wandered about the moor for a little while before joining the rest. + +Mr. Raymount was much pleased with Christopher, and even Corney found +himself drawn to his side, feeling, though he did not know it, a +strength in him that offered protection. + +The day went on in the simplest, pleasantest intercourse. After lunch, +Hester opened her piano, and asked Miss Dasomma, gifted in her art even +to the pitch prophetic, to sit down and play---"upon _us_" she +said. And in truth she did: for what the hammers were to the strings, +such were the sounds she drew from them to the human chords stretched +expectant before her. Vibrating souls responded in the music that is +unheard. A rosy conscious silence pervaded the summer afternoon and the +ancient drawing-room, in which the listeners were one here and one +there, all apart--except Corney and "Mrs. Corney," as for love of Mark +she liked to be called, on a sofa side by side, and Saffy playing with a +white kitten, neither attending to the music, which may have been doing +something for both notwithstanding. Mr. Raymount sat in a great soft +chair with a book in his hand, listening more than reading: his wife lay +on a couch, and soon passed into dreams of pleasant sounds; the major +stood erect by Miss Dasomma, a little behind her, with his arms folded +across his chest; and Christopher sat on a low window-seat in an oriel, +where the balmiest of perfumed airs freely entered. Between him and all +the rest hung the heavy folds of a curtain, which every now and then +swelled out like the sail of Cleopatra's barge "upon the river Cydnus." + +He sat with the tears rolling down his face, for the music to which he +listened seemed such as he had only dreamed of before. It was the music +of climes where sorrow is but the memory of that which has been turned +into joy. He thought no one saw him, and no one would have seen him but +for the traitor wind seeming only to play with the curtain but every now +and then blowing it wide out, as if the sheet of the sail had been let +go, and revealing him to Hester where she sat on a stool beside her +mother and held her sleeping hand. It was to her the revelation of a +heart, and she saw with reverence. + +Lord Gartley could sing, lord Gartley could play, lord Gartley +understood the technicalities of music; Christopher could neither play +nor sing--at least anything more than a common psalm-tune to lead the +groans of his poor--and understood nothing of music; but there was in +him a whole sea of musical delight, to be set in motion by the +enchantress who knew the spell! Such an enchantress might float in the +bark of her own will across the heaving waves of that sea, moon and wind +of its tides and currents! When the music ceased she saw him go softly +from the room. + +After an early dinner, early that they might have room for a walk in the +twilight, the major proposed the health of his cousin Hester, and made a +little speech in her honour and praise. Nor did his praise make Hester +feel awkward, for praise which is the odour of love neither fevers nor +sickens. + +"And now, cousin Hester," concluded the major, "you know that I love you +like a child of my own! It is a good thing you are not, for if you were +then you would not be half so good, or so beautiful, or so wise, or so +accomplished as you are! Will you oblige me by accepting this foolscap, +which, I hope, will serve to make this blessed day yet a trifle more +pleasant to look back upon when Mark has got his old majie again. It +represents a sort of nut, itself too bulky for a railway truck. If my +Hester choose to call it an empty nut, I don't mind: the good of it to +her will be in the filling of it with many kernels." + +With this enigmatical peroration the major made Hester a low bow, and +handed her a sheet of foolscap, twice folded, and tied with a bit of +white ribbon. She took it with a sweetly radiant curiosity. It was the +title-deed of the house in Addison square. She gave a cry of joy, got +up, threw her arms round majie's neck, and kissed him. + +"Aha!" said the major, "if I had been a young man now, I should not +have had that! But I will not be conceited; I know what it is she means +it for: the kiss collective of all the dirty men and women in her dear +slums, glorified into that of an angel of God!" + +Hester was not a young lady given to weeping, but she did here break +down and cry. Her long-cherished dream come true! She had no money, but +that did not trouble her: there was always a way of doing when one was +willing to begin small! + +This is indeed a divine law! There shall be no success to the man who is +not willing to begin small. Small is strong, for it only can grow +strong. Big at the outset is but bloated and weak. There are thousands +willing to do great things for one willing to do a small thing; but +there never was any truly great thing that did not begin small. + +In her delight Hester, having read the endorsement, handed the paper, +without opening it, to Christopher, who sat next her, with the +unconscious conviction that he would understand the delight it gave her. +He took it and, with a look asking if he might, opened it. + +The major had known for some time that Mr. Raymount wanted to sell the +house, and believed, from the way Hester spent herself in London, he +could not rejoice her better than by purchasing it for her; so, just as +it was, with everything as it stood in it, he made it his birthday-gift +to her. + +"There is more here than you know," said Christopher, handing her back +the paper. She opened it and saw something about a thousand pounds, for +which again she gave joyous and loving thanks. But before the evening +was over she learned that it was not a thousand pounds the dear majie +had given her, but the thousand a year he had offered her if she would +give up lord Gartley. Thus a new paradise of God-labour opened on the +delighted eyes of Hester. + +In the evening, when the sun was down, they went for another walk. I +suspect the major, but am not sure:--anyhow, in the middle of a fir-wood +Hester found herself alone with Christopher. The wood rose towards the +moor, growing thinner and thinner as it ascended. They were climbing +westward full in face of the sunset, which was barred across the trees +in gold, blue, rosy pink, and a lovely indescribable green, such as is +not able to live except in the after sunset. The west lay like the +beautiful dead not yet faded into the brown dark of mother-earth. The +fir-trees and bars of sunset made a glorious gate before them. + +"Oh, Hester!" said Christopher--he had been hearing her called +_Hester_ on all sides all day long, and it not only came of itself, +but stayed unnoticed of either--"if that were the gate of heaven, and we +climbing to it now to go in and see all the dear people!" + +"That would be joy!" responded Hester. + +"Come then: let us imagine it a while. There is no harm in dreaming." + +"Sometimes when Mark would tell me one of his dreams, I could not help +thinking," said Hester, "how much more of reality there was in it than +in most so-called realities." + +Then came a silence. + +"Suppose," began Christopher again, "one claiming to be a prophet +appeared, saying that in the life to come we were to go on living just +such a life as here, with the one difference that we should be no longer +deluded with the idea of something better; that all our energies would +then be, and ought now to be spent in making the best of what we +had--without any foolish indulgence in hope or aspiration:--what would +you say to that?" + +"I would say," answered Hester, "he must have had his revelation either +from God, from a demon, or from his own heart: it could not be from God, +because it made the idea of a God an impossibility; it must come from a +demon or from himself, and in neither case was worth paying attention +to.--I think," she went on, "my own feeling or imagination must be +better worth my own heeding than that of another. The essential delight +of this world seems to me to lie in the expectation of a better." + +They emerged from the wood, the bare moor spread on all sides before +them, and lo, the sunset was countless miles away! Hills, fields, +rivers, mountains, lay between! Christopher stopped, and turning, looked +at Hester. + +"Is this the reality?" he said. "We catch sight of the gate of heaven, +and set out for it. It comes nearer and nearer. All at once a something +they call a reality of life comes between, and the shining gate is +millions of miles away! Then cry some of its pilgrims, 'Alas, we are +fooled! There is no such thing as the gate of heaven! Let us eat and +drink and do what good we can, for to-morrow we die!' But is there no +gate because we find none on the edge of the wood where it seemed to +lie? There it is, before us yet, though a long way farther back. What +has space or time to do with being? Can distance destroy fact? What if +one day the chain of gravity were to break, and, starting from the edge +of the pine wood, we fared or flew farther and farther towards the bars +of gold and rose and green! And what if even then we found them recede +and recede as we advanced, until heart was gone out of us, and we could +follow no longer, but, sitting down on some wayside cloud, fell a +thinking! Should we not say--Justly are we punished, and our punishment +was to follow the vain thing we took for heaven-gate! Heaven-gate is too +grand a goal to be reached foot or wing. High above us, it yet opens +inside us; and when it opens, down comes the gate of amber and rose, and +we step through both, at once!" + +He was silent. They were on the top of the ridge. A little beyond stood +the dusky group of their companions. And the world lay beneath them. + +"Who would live in London who might live here?" said the major. + +"No one," answered Hester and Christopher together. + +The major turned and looked at them almost in alarm. + +"But I _may not_," said Hester. "God chooses that I live in +London." + +Said Christopher,-- + +"Christ would surely have liked better to go on living in his father's +house than go where so many did not know either him or his father! But +he could not go on enjoying his heaven while those many lived only a +death in life. He must go and start them for home! Who in any measure +seeing what Christ sees and feeling as Christ feels, would rest in the +enjoyment of beauty while so many are unable to desire it? We are not +real human beings until we are of the same mind with Christ. There are +many who would save the pathetic and interesting and let the ugly and +provoking take care of themselves! Not so Christ, nor those who have +learned of him!" + +Christopher spoke so quietly there seemed even a contrast between his +manner and the fervour of his words. + +"I would take as many in with me," he said, turning to Hester, "as I +might, should it be after a thousand years I went in at the gate of the +sunset--the sunrise rather, of which the sunset is a leaf of the folding +door! It would be sorrow to go in alone. My people, my own, my own +humans, my men, my women, my little ones, must go in with me!" + +Hester laboured, and Christopher laboured. And if one was the heart and +the other the head, the major was the right hand. But what they did and +how they did it, would require a book, and no small one, to itself. + +It is no matter that here I cannot tell their story. No man ever did the +best work who copied another. Let every man work out the thing that is +in him! Who, according to the means he has, great or small, does the +work given him to do, stands by the side of the Saviour, is a +fellow-worker with him. Be a brother after thy own fashion, only see it +be a brother thou art. The one who weighed, is found wanting the most, +is the one whose tongue and whose life do not match--who says, "Lord! +Lord!" and does not the thing the Lord says; the deacon who finds a good +seat for the man in goodly apparel, and lets the poor widow stand in the +aisle unheeded; the preacher who descants on the love of God in the +pulpit, and looks out for a rich wife in his flock; the missionary who +would save the heathen, but gives his own soul to merchandize; the woman +who spends her strength for the poor, and makes discord at home. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Weighed and Wanting, by George MacDonald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEIGHED AND WANTING *** + +***** This file should be named 9096.txt or 9096.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/0/9/9096/ + +Produced by David Garcia, Jonathan Ingram and Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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