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diff --git a/9096-h/9096-h.htm b/9096-h/9096-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..82d9703 --- /dev/null +++ b/9096-h/9096-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,22833 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= + "text/html; charset=us-ascii"> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Weighed and Wanting, + by George MacDonald. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> + </head> + <body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Weighed and Wanting, by George MacDonald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Weighed and Wanting + +Author: George MacDonald + +Posting Date: August 20, 2012 [EBook #9096] +Release Date: October, 2005 +First Posted: September 5, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEIGHED AND WANTING *** + + + + +Produced by David Garcia, Jonathan Ingram and Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +</pre> + + + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="images/frontis.png" width="400" height="585" alt= + "Hester at her piano."><br> + Hester at her piano. + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h1> + WEIGHED AND WANTING + </h1> + <center> + <b>BY GEORGE MACDONALD</b> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + CONTENTS. + </h2> + <hr> + <p> + I. <a href="#ch01">Bad Weather</a> + </p> + <p> + II. <a href="#ch02">Father, Mother and Son</a> + </p> + <p> + III. <a href="#ch03">The Magic Lantern</a> + </p> + <p> + IV. <a href="#ch04">Hester alone</a> + </p> + <p> + V. <a href="#ch05">Truly the Light is sweet</a> + </p> + <p> + VI. <a href="#ch06">The Aquarium</a> + </p> + <p> + VII. <a href="#ch07">Amy Amber</a> + </p> + <p> + VIII. <a href="#ch08">Cornelius and Vavasor</a> + </p> + <p> + IX. <a href="#ch09">Songs and Singers</a> + </p> + <p> + X. <a href="#ch10">Hester and Amy</a> + </p> + <p> + XI. <a href="#ch11">At Home</a> + </p> + <p> + XII. <a href="#ch12">A Beginning</a> + </p> + <p> + XIII. <a href="#ch13">A private Exhibition</a> + </p> + <p> + XIV. <a href="#ch14">Vavasor and Hester</a> + </p> + <p> + XV. <a href="#ch15">A small Failure</a> + </p> + <p> + XVI. <a href="#ch16">The Concert Room</a> + </p> + <p> + XVII. <a href="#ch17">An uninvited Guest</a> + </p> + <p> + XVIII. <a href="#ch18">Catastrophe</a> + </p> + <p> + XIX. <a href="#ch19">Light and Shade</a> + </p> + <p> + XX. <a href="#ch20">The Journey</a> + </p> + <p> + XXI. <a href="#ch21">Mother and Daughter</a> + </p> + <p> + XXII. <a href="#ch22">Gladness</a> + </p> + <p> + XXIII. <a href="#ch23">Down the Hill</a> + </p> + <p> + XXIV. <a href="#ch24">Out of the Frying pan</a> + </p> + <p> + XXV. <a href="#ch25">Was it into the Fire?</a> + </p> + <p> + XXVI. <a href="#ch26">Waiting a Purpose</a> + </p> + <p> + XXVII. <a href="#ch27">Major H. G. Marvel</a> + </p> + <p> + XXVIII. <a href="#ch28">The Major and Vavasor</a> + </p> + <p> + XXIX. <a href="#ch29">A brave Act</a> + </p> + <p> + XXX. <a href="#ch30">In another Light</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXI. <a href="#ch31">The Major and Cousin Helen's Boys</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXII. <a href="#ch32">A distinguished Guest</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXIII. <a href="#ch33">Courtship in earnest</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXIV. <a href="#ch34">Calamity</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXV. <a href="#ch35">In London</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXVI. <a href="#ch36">A Talk with the Major</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXVII. <a href="#ch37">Rencontres</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXVIII. <a href="#ch38">In the House</a> + </p> + <p> + XXXIX. <a href="#ch39">The Major and the Small-pox</a> + </p> + <p> + XL. <a href="#ch40">Down and down</a> + </p> + <p> + XLI. <a href="#ch41">Difference</a> + </p> + <p> + XLII. <a href="#ch42">Deep calleth unto Deep</a> + </p> + <p> + XLIII. <a href="#ch43">Deliverance</a> + </p> + <p> + XLIV. <a href="#ch44">On the Way up</a> + </p> + <p> + XLV. <a href="#ch45">More yet</a> + </p> + <p> + XLVI. <a href="#ch46">Amy and Corney</a> + </p> + <p> + XLVII. <a href="#ch47">Miss Vavasor</a> + </p> + <p> + XLVIII. <a href="#ch48">Mr. Christopher</a> + </p> + <p> + XLIX. <a href="#ch49">An Arrangement</a> + </p> + <p> + L. <a href="#ch50">Things at Home</a> + </p> + <p> + LI. <a href="#ch51">The Return</a> + </p> + <p> + LII. <a href="#ch52">A heavenly Vision</a> + </p> + <p> + LIII. <a href="#ch53">A sad Beginning</a> + </p> + <p> + LIV. <a href="#ch54">Mother and Son</a> + </p> + <p> + LV. <a href="#ch55">Miss Dasomma and Amy</a> + </p> + <p> + LVI. <a href="#ch56">The sick Room</a> + </p> + <p> + LVII. <a href="#ch57">Vengeance is Mine</a> + </p> + <p> + LVIII. <a href="#ch58">Father and Daughter-in-law</a> + </p> + <p> + LIX. <a href="#ch59">The Message</a> + </p> + <p> + LX. <a href="#ch60">A birthday Gift</a> + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch01"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER I. + </h2> + <h3> + BAD WEATHER. + </h3> + <p> + It was a gray, windy noon in the beginning of autumn. The sky + and the sea were almost of the same color, and that not a + beautiful one. The edge of the horizon where they met was an + edge no more, but a bar thick and blurred, across which from + the unseen came troops of waves that broke into white crests, + the flying manes of speed, as they rushed at, rather than ran + towards the shore: in their eagerness came out once more the + old enmity between moist and dry. The trees and the smoke + were greatly troubled, the former because they would fain + stand still, the latter because it would fain ascend, while + the wind kept tossing the former and beating down the latter. + Not one of the hundreds of fishing boats belonging to the + coast was to be seen; not a sail even was visible; not the + smoke of a solitary steamer ploughing its own miserable path + through the rain-fog to London or Aberdeen. It was sad + weather and depressing to not a few of the thousands come to + Burcliff to enjoy a holiday which, whether of days or of + weeks, had looked short to the labor weary when first they + came, and was growing shorter and shorter, while the days + that composed it grew longer and longer by the frightful + vitality of dreariness. Especially to those of them who hated + work, a day like this, wrapping them in a blanket of fog, + whence the water was every now and then squeezed down upon + them in the wettest of all rains, seemed a huge bite snatched + by that vague enemy against whom the grumbling of the world + is continually directed out of the cake that by every right + and reason belonged to them. For were they not born to be + happy, and how was human being to fulfill his destiny in such + circumstances? + </p> + <p> + There are men and women who can be happy in any—even in + such circumstances and worse, but they are rare, and not a + little better worth knowing than the common class of + mortals—alas that they <i>will</i> be common! + <i>content</i> to be common they are not and cannot be. Among + these exceptional mortals I do not count such as, having + secured the corner of a couch within the radius of a good + fire, forget the world around them by help of the magic + lantern of a novel that interests them: such may not be in + the least worth knowing for their disposition or moral + attainment—not even although the noise of the waves on + the sands, or the storm in the chimney, or the rain on the + windows but serves to deepen the calm of their spirits. Take + the novel away, give the fire a black heart; let the smells + born in a lodging-house kitchen invade the sitting-room, and + the person, man or woman, who can then, on such a day, be + patient with a patience pleasant to other people, is, I + repeat, one worth knowing—and such there are, though + not many. Mrs. Raymount, half the head and more than half the + heart of a certain family in a certain lodging house in the + forefront of Burcliff, was one of such. + </p> + <p> + It was not a large family, yet contained perhaps as many + varieties of character and temper as some larger ones, with + as many several ways of fronting such a misfortune—for + that is what poor creatures, the slaves of the elements, + count it—as rainy weather in a season concerning which + all men agree that it ought to be fine, and that something is + out of order, giving ground of complaint, if it be not fine. + The father met it with tolerably good humor; but he was so + busy writing a paper for one of the monthly reviews, that he + would have kept the house had the day been as fine as both + the church going visitors, and the mammon-worshipping + residents with income depending on the reputation of their + weather, would have made it if they could, nor once said + <i>by your leave</i>; therefore he had no credit, and his + temper must pass as not proven. But if you had taken from the + mother her piece of work—she was busy embroidering a + lady's pinafore in a design for which she had taken colors + and arrangement from a peacock's feather, but was disposing + them in the form of a sun which with its rays covered the + stomacher, the deeper tints making the shadow between the + golden arrows—had you taken from her this piece of + work, I say, and given her nothing to do instead, she would + yet have looked and been as peaceful as she now looked, for + she was not like Doctor Doddridge's dog that did not know who + made him. + </p> + <p> + A longish lad stood in the bow window, leaning his head on + the shutter, in a mood of smouldering rebellion against the + order of things. He was such a mere creature of moods, that + individual judgments of his character might well have proved + irreconcilable. He had not yet begun by the use of his + will—constantly indeed mistaking impulse for + will—to blend the conflicting elements of his nature + into one. He was therefore a man much as the mass of flour + and raisins, etc., when first put into the bag, is a + plum-pudding; and had to pass through something analogous to + boiling to give him a chance of becoming worthy of the name + he would have arrogated. But in his own estimate of himself + he claimed always the virtues of whose presence he was + conscious in his good moods letting the bad ones slide, nor + taking any account of what was in them. He substituted + forgetfulness for repudiation, a return of good humor for + repentance, and at best a joke for apology. + </p> + <p> + Mark, a pale, handsome boy of ten, and Josephine, a rosy girl + of seven, sat on the opposite side of the fire, amusing + themselves with a puzzle. The gusts of wind, and the great + splashes of rain on the glass, only made them feel the cosier + and more satisfied. + </p> + <p> + "Beastly weather!" remarked Cornelius, as with an effort half + wriggle, half spring, he raised himself perpendicular, and + turned towards the room rather than the persons in it. + </p> + <p> + "I'm sorry you don't like it, Cornie," said his elder sister, + who sat beside her mother trimming what promised to be a + pretty bonnet. A concentrated effort to draw her needle + through an accumulation of silken folds seemed to take + something off the bloom of the smile with which she spoke. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, it's all very well for girls!" returned Cornelius. "You + don't do anything worth doing; and besides you've got so many + things you like doing, and so much time to do them in, that + it's all one to you whether you go out or stay at home. But + when a fellow has but a miserable three weeks and then back + to a rot of work he cares no more for than a felon for the + treadmill, then it is rather hard to have such a hole made in + it! Day after day, as sure as the sun rises—if he does + rise—of weather as abominable as rain and wind can make + it!" + </p> + <p> + "My dear boy!" said his mother without looking up. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, mother! I know! You're so good you would have had + Job himself take it coolly. But I'm not like you. Only you + needn't think me so very—what you call it! It's only a + breach in the laws of nature I'm grumbling at. I don't mean + anything to offend you." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps you mean more than you think," answered his mother + with a deep-drawn breath, which, if not a sigh, was very + nearly one. "I should be far more miserable than any weather + could make me, not to be able to join in the song of the + three holy children." + </p> + <p> + "I've heard you say that before, mother," said the youth, in + a tone that roused his sister's anger; for much that the + mother let pass was by the daughter for her sake resented. + "But you see," he went on, "the three holy children, as you + call them, hadn't much weather of any sort where they sung + their song. Precious tired one gets of it before the choir's + through with it!" + </p> + <p> + "They would have been glad enough of some of the weather you + call beastly," said Hester, again pulling through a stiff + needle, this time without any smile, for sometimes that + brother was more than she could bear. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I dare say! But then, you see, they knew, when they got + out, they wouldn't have to go back to a beastly bank, where + notes and gold all day went flying about like + bats—nothing but the sight and the figures of it coming + their way!" + </p> + <p> + The mother's face grew very sad as it bent over her work. The + youth saw her trouble. + </p> + <p> + "Mother, don't be vexed with a fellow," he said more gently. + "I wasn't made good like you." + </p> + <p> + "I think you were right about the holy children," she said + quietly. + </p> + <p> + "What!" exclaimed Cornelius. "Mother, I never once before + heard you say I was right about any mortal thing! Come, this + is pleasant! I begin to think strong ale of myself! I don't + understand it, though." + </p> + <p> + "Shall I tell you? Would you care to know what I mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, mother! if you want to tell me." + </p> + <p> + "I think you were right when you implied it was the furnace + that made them sing about the world outside of it: one can + fancy the idea of the frost and the snow and the ice being + particularly pleasant to them. And I am afraid, Cornelius, my + dear son, you need the furnace to teach you that the will of + God, even in weather, is a thing for rejoicing in, not for + abusing. But I dread the fire for your sake, my boy!" + </p> + <p> + "I should have thought this weather and the bank behind it + furnace enough, mother!" he answered, trying to laugh off her + words. + </p> + <p> + "It does not seem to be," she said, with some displeasure. + "But then," she added with a sigh, "you have not the same + companion that the three holy children had." + </p> + <p> + "Who was that?" rejoined Cornelius, for he had partly + forgotten the story he knew well enough in childhood. + </p> + <p> + "We will not talk about him now," answered his mother. "He + has been knocking at your chamber-door for some time: when he + comes to the furnace-door, perhaps you will open that to + him." + </p> + <p> + Cornelius returned no answer; he felt his mother's + seriousness awkward, and said to himself she was unkind; why + couldn't she make some allowance for a fellow? He meant no + harm! + </p> + <p> + He was still less patient with his mother's not very frequent + admonitions, since going into the bank, for, much as he + disliked it, he considered himself quite a man of the world + in consequence. But he was almost as little capable of + slipping like a pebble among other pebbles, the peculiar + faculty of the man of the world, as he was of perceiving the + kind of thing his mother cared about—and that not from + moral lack alone, but from dullness and want of imagination + as well. He was like the child so sure he can run alone that + he snatches his hand from his mother's and sets off through + dirt and puddles, so to act the part of the great personage + he would consider himself. + </p> + <p> + With all her peace of soul, the heart of the mother was very + anxious about her son, but she said no more to him now: she + knew that the shower bath is not the readiest mode of making + a child friendly with cold water. + </p> + <p> + Just then broke out the sun. The wind had at last blown a + hole in the clouds, and through that at once, as is his wont, + and the wont of a greater light than the sun, he shone. + </p> + <p> + "Come! there's something almost like sunshine!" said + Cornelius, having for a few moments watched the light on the + sands. "Before it goes in again, as it's sure to do in five + minutes at the farthest, get on your bonnet, Hester, and + let's have an attempt at a walk." + </p> + <p> + Before Hester could answer came a sudden spatter of rain on + the window. + </p> + <p> + "There! I told you so! That's always the way! Just my luck! + For me to set my heart on a thing is all one with being + disappointed of it." + </p> + <p> + "But if the thing was not worth setting your heart on?" said + Hester, speaking with forced gentleness. + </p> + <p> + "What does that signify? The thing is that your heart is set + on it. What you think nothing other people may yet be bold + enough to take for something." + </p> + <p> + "Well, at least, if I had to be disappointed, I should like + it to be in something that would be worth having." + </p> + <p> + "Would you now?" returned Cornelius spitefully. "I hope you + may have what you want. For my part I don't desire to be + better than my neighbor. I think it downright selfish." + </p> + <p> + "Do you want to be as good as your neighbor, Cornie?" said + his mother, looking up through a film of tears. "But there is + a more important question than that," she went on, having + waited a moment in vain for an answer, "and that is, whether + you are content with being as good as yourself, or want to be + better." + </p> + <p> + "To tell you the truth, mother, I don't trouble my head about + such things. Philosophers are agreed that self consciousness + is the bane of the present age: I mean to avoid it. If you + had let me go into the army, I might have had some leisure + for what you call thought, but that horrible bank takes + everything out of a fellow. The only thing it leaves is a + burning desire to forget it at any cost till the time comes + when you must endure it again. If I hadn't some amusement in + between, I should cut my throat, or take to opium or brandy. + I wonder how the governor would like to be in my place!" + </p> + <p> + Hester rose and left the room, indignant with him for + speaking so of his father. + </p> + <p> + "If your father were in your place, Cornelius," said his + mother with dignity, "he would perform the duties of it + without grumbling, however irksome they might be." + </p> + <p> + "How do you know that, mother? He was never tried." + </p> + <p> + "I know it because I know him," she answered. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius gave a grunt. + </p> + <p> + "If you think it hard," his mother resumed, "that you have to + follow a way of life not of your own choosing, you must + remember that you never could be got to express a preference + for one way over another, and that your father had to strain + every nerve to send you to college—to the disadvantage, + for a time at least, of others of the family. I am sorry to + have to remind you also that you did not make it any easier + for him by your mode of living while there." + </p> + <p> + "I didn't run up a single bill!" cried Cornelius with + indignation; "and my father knows it!" + </p> + <p> + "He does; but he knows also that your cousin Robert did not + spend above two-thirds of what you did, and made more of his + time too." + </p> + <p> + "He was in <i>rather</i> a different set," sneered the youth. + </p> + <p> + "And you know," his mother went on, "that his main design in + placing you in your uncle's bank was that you might gain such + a knowledge of business as will be necessary to the proper + management of the money he will leave behind him. When you + have gained that knowledge, there will be time to look + farther, for you are young yet." + </p> + <p> + Now his father's money was the continuous occasion of + annoyance to Cornelius, for it was no secret from his family + how he meant to dispose of it. He intended, namely, to leave + it under trustees, of whom he wished his son to be one until + he married, when it was to be divided equally among his + children. + </p> + <p> + This arrangement was not agreeable to Cornelius, who could + not see, he said, what advantage in that case he had from + being the eldest of the family. + </p> + <p> + He broke out in a tone of expostulation, ready to swell into + indignant complaint. + </p> + <p> + "Now, mother," he said "do you think it fair that I should + have to look after the whole family as if they were my own?" + </p> + <p> + This was by no means his real cause of complaint, but he + chose to use it as his grievance for the present. + </p> + <p> + "You will have the other trustees to advise with," said his + mother. "It need not weigh on you very heavily." + </p> + <p> + "Well, of course, I could do better with it than anybody out + of the family." + </p> + <p> + "If you have your father's love of fair play, Cornelius, you + will. What you can do to that end now is to make yourself + thoroughly acquainted with business." + </p> + <p> + "A bank's not the place to get the knowledge of business + necessary for that sort of thing." + </p> + <p> + "Your father has reasons for preferring a general to any + special knowledge. The fitness resulting will depend upon + yourself. And when you marry you will, as you know, be rid of + the responsibility. So far your father and you are of one + mind; he does not think it fair that a married man should be + burdened with any family but his own." + </p> + <p> + "What if I should marry before my father's death?" + </p> + <p> + "I hope, indeed, you will, Cornelius. The arrangements your + father has made is one of provision against the unlikely. + When you are married, I don't doubt he will make another, to + meet the new circumstances." + </p> + <p> + "Now," said Cornelius to himself, "I do believe if I was to + marry money—as why shouldn't I?—my father would + divide my share amongst the rest, and not give me a + farthing!" + </p> + <p> + Full of the injury of the idea, he rose and left the room. + His mother, poor woman, wept as he vanished. She dared not + allow herself to ask why she wept—dared not allow to + herself that her first-born was not a lovely thought to + her—dared not ask where he could have got such a mean + nature—so mean that he did not know he was mean. + </p> + <p> + Although the ill-humor in which he had been ever since he + came was by himself attributed to the weather, and had been + expended on the cooking, on the couches, on the beds, and + twenty different things that displeased him, he had + nevertheless brought it with him; and her experience gave her + the sad doubt that the cause of it might lie in his own + conduct—for the consciousness may be rendered uneasy + without much rousing of the conscience proper. + </p> + <p> + He had always been fitful and wayward, but had never before + behaved so unpleasantly. Certainly his world had not improved + him for his home. Yet amongst his companions he bore the + character of the best-natured fellow in the world. To them he + never showed any of the peevishness arising from mental + discomfort, but kept it for those who loved him a thousand + times better, and would have cheerfully parted with their own + happiness for his. He was but one of a large herd of youths, + possessing no will of their own, yet enjoying the reputation + of a strong one; for moved by liking or any foolish notion, + his pettiness made a principle of, he would be obstinate; and + the common philosophy always takes obstinacy for strength of + will, even when it springs from utter inability to will + against liking. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount knew little of the real nature of his son. The + youth was afraid of his father—none the less that he + spoke of him with so little respect. Before him he dared not + show his true nature. He knew and dreaded the scorn which the + least disclosure of his feeling about the intended division + of his father's money would rouse in him. He knew also that + his mother would not betray him—he would have counted + it betrayal—to his father; nor would any one who had + ever heard Mr. Raymount give vent to his judgment of any + conduct he despised, have wondered at the reticence of either + of them. + </p> + <p> + Whether in his youth he would have done as well in a position + like his son's as his worshipping wife believed, may be + doubtful; but that he would have done better than his son + must seem more than probable. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch02"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER II. + </h2> + <h3> + FATHER, MOTHER, AND SON. + </h3> + <p> + Gerald Raymount was a man of an unusual combination of + qualities. There were such contradictions in his character as + to give ground for the suspicion, in which he certainly + himself indulged, that there must be in him at least one + strain not far removed from the savage, while on the other + hand there were mental conditions apparently presupposing + ages of culture. At the university he had indulged in large + reading outside the hedge of his required studies, and gained + thus an acquaintance with and developed a faculty in + literature destined to stand him in good stead. + </p> + <p> + Inheriting earthly life and a history—nothing + more—from a long line of ancestors, and a few thousand + pounds—less than twenty—from his father, who was + a country attorney, a gentle, quarrelsome man, who yet never, + except upon absolute necessity, carried a case into court, he + had found, as his family increased, that his income was not + sufficient for their maintenance in accustomed ease. With not + one expensive personal taste between them, they had neither + of them the faculty for saving money—often but another + phrase for doing mean things. Neither husband nor wife was + capable of <i>screwing</i>. Had the latter been, certainly + the free-handedness of the former would have driven her to + it; but while Mrs. Raymount would go without a new bonnet + till an outcry arose in the family that its respectability + was in danger, she could not offer two shillings a day to a + sempstress who thought herself worth half-a-crown; she could + not allow a dish to be set on her table which was not as + likely to encourage hunger as allay it; neither because some + richer neighbors gave so little, would she take to herself + the spiritual fare provided in church without making a + liberal acknowledgment in carnal things. The result of this + way of life was the deplorable one that Mr. Raymount was + compelled to rouse himself, and, from the chair of a somewhat + self-indulgent reader of many books, betake himself to his + study-table, to prove whether it were not possible for him to + become the writer of such as might add to an income showing + scantier every quarter. Here we may see the natural + punishment of liberal habits; for this man indulging in them, + and, instead of checking them in his wife, loving her the + more that she indulged in them also, was for this reason + condemned to labor—the worst evil of life in the + judgment of both the man about Mayfair and the tramp of the + casual ward. But there are others who dare not count that + labor an evil which helps to bring out the best elements of + human nature, not even when the necessity for it outlasts any + impulse towards it, and who remember the words of the Lord: + "My Father worketh hitherto, and I work." + </p> + <p> + For Gerald Raymount, it made a man of him—which he is + not who is of no service to his generation. Doubtless he was + driven thereto by necessity; but the question is not whether + a man works upon more or less compulsion, but whether the + work he is thus taught to do he makes good honest work for + which the world is so much the better. In this matter of work + there are many first that shall be last. The work of a baker + for instance must stand higher in the judgment of the + universe than that of a brewer, let his ale be ever so good. + Because the one trade brings more money than the other the + judgment of this world counts it more honorable, but there is + the other judgment at hand. + </p> + <p> + In the exercise of his calling Raymount was compelled to + think more carefully than before, and thus not only his mind + took a fresh start, but his moral and spiritual nature as + well. He slid more and more into writing out the necessities + and experiences of his own heart and history, and so by + degrees gained power of the only true kind—that, + namely, of rousing the will, not merely the passions, or even + the aspirations of men. The poetry in which he had disported + himself at college now came to the service of his prose, and + the deeper poetic nature, which is the prophetic in every + man, awoke in him. Till after they had lived together a good + many years the wife did not know the worth of the man she had + married, nor indeed was he half the worth when she married + him that he had now grown to be. The longer they lived the + prouder she grew of him and of his work; nor was she the less + the practical wisdom of the house that she looked upon her + husband as a great man. He was not a great man—only a + growing man; yet was she nothing the worse for thinking so + highly of him; the object of it was not such that her + admiration caused her to deteriorate. + </p> + <p> + The daughter of a London barrister, of what is called a good + family, she had opportunity of knowing something of what is + called life before she married, and from mere dissatisfaction + had early begun to withdraw from the show and self-assertion + of social life, and seek within herself the door of that + quiet chamber whose existence is unknown to most. For a time + she found thus a measure of quiet—not worthy of the + name of rest; she had not heeded a certain low knocking as of + one who would enter and share it with her; but now for a long + time he who thus knocked had been her companion in the + chamber whose walls are the infinite. Why is it that men and + women will welcome any tale of love, devotion, and sacrifice + from one to another of themselves, but turn from the least + hint at the existence of a perfect love at the root of it + all? With such a message to them, a man is a maundering + prophet. Is it not that their natures are yet so far from the + ideal, the natural, the true, that the words of the prophet + rouse in them no vision, no poorest perception of spiritual + fact? + </p> + <p> + Helen Raymount was now a little woman of fifty, clothed in a + sweet dignity, from which the contrast she disliked between + her plentiful gray hair, and her great, clear, dark eyes, + took nothing; it was an opposition without discord. She had + but the two daughters and two sons already introduced, of + whom Hester was the eldest. + </p> + <p> + Wise as was the mother, and far-seeing as was the father, + they had made the mistake common to all but the wisest + parents, of putting off to a period more or less too late the + moment of beginning to teach their children obedience. If + this be not commenced at the first possible moment, there is + no better reason why it should be begun at any other, except + that it will be the harder every hour it is postponed. The + spiritual loss and injury caused to the child by their + waiting till they fancy him fit to reason with, is immense; + yet there is nothing in which parents are more stupid and + cowardly, if not stiff-necked, than this. I do not speak of + those mere animal parents, whose lasting influence over their + progeny is not a thing to be greatly desired, but of those + who, having a conscience, yet avoid this part of their duty + in a manner of which a good motherly cat would be ashamed. To + one who has learned of all things to desire deliverance from + himself, a nursery in which the children are humored and + scolded and punished instead of being taught obedience, looks + like a moral slaughter-house. + </p> + <p> + The dawn of reason will doubtless help to develop obedience; + but obedience is yet more necessary to the development of + reason. To require of a child only what he can understand the + reason of, is simply to help him to make himself his own + God—that is a devil. That some seem so little injured + by their bad training is no argument in presence of the many + in whom one can read as in a book the consequences of their + parents' foolishness. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius was a youth of good abilities, and with a few good + qualities. Naturally kind-hearted, yet full of self and its + poor importance, he had an admiration of certain easy and + showy virtues. He was himself not incapable of an unthinking + generosity; felt pity for picturesque suffering; was tempted + to kindness by the prospect of a responsive devotion. Unable + to bear the sight of suffering, he was yet careless of + causing it where he would not see it; incapable of thwarting + himself, he was full of weak indignation at being thwarted; + supremely conceited, he had yet a regard for the habits and + judgments of men of a certain stamp which towards a great man + would have been veneration, and would have elevated his + being. But the sole essentials of life as yet discovered by + Cornelius were a good carriage, good manners, + self-confidence, and seeming carelessness in spending. That + the spender was greedy after the money he yet scorned to work + for, made no important difference in Cornelius's estimate of + him. In a word, he fashioned a fine gentleman-god in his + foolish brain, and then fell down and worshipped him with + what worship was possible between them. To all + home-excellence he was so far blind that he looked down upon + it; the opinion of father or mother, though they had reared + such a son as himself, was not to be compared in authority + with that of Reginald Vavasor, who, though so poor as to be + one of his fellow-clerks, was heir apparent to an earldom. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch03"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER III. + </h2> + <h3> + THE MAGIC LANTERN. + </h3> + <p> + Cornelius, leaving his mother, took refuge with his anger in + his own room. Although he had occupied it but a fortnight the + top of its chest of drawers was covered with yellow + novels—the sole kind of literature for which Cornelius + cared. Of this he read largely, if indeed his mode of + swallowing could be called reading; his father would have got + more pleasure out of the poorest of them than Cornelius could + from a dozen. And now in this day's dreariness, he had not + one left unread, and was too lazy or effeminate or prudent to + encounter the wind and rain that beset the path betwixt him + and the nearest bookshop. None of his father's books had any + attraction for him. Neither science, philosophy, history, nor + poetry held for him any interest. A drearier soul in a + drearier setting could hardly be imagined than the soul of + this youth in that day's weather at Burcliff. + </p> + <p> + Does a reader remark, "Well, wherein was the poor fellow to + blame? No man can make himself like this or like that! The + thing that is a passion to one is a bore to another! Some + with both ear and voice have no love for music. Most + exquisite of sonatas would not to them make up for a game of + billiards! They cannot help it: they are made so"?—I + answer, It is true no one can by an effort of the will care + for this or that; but where a man cares for nothing that is + worth caring for, the fault must lie, not in the nature God + made, but in the character the man himself has made and is + making. There is a moral reason why he does not and cannot + care. If Cornelius had begun at any time, without other + compulsion than the urging within him, to do something he + knew he ought to do, he would not now have been the poor + slave of circumstances he was—at the call and beck of + the weather—such, in fact, as the weather willed. When + men face a duty, not merely will that duty become at once + less unpleasant to them, but life itself will + <i>immediately</i> begin to gather interest; for in duty, and + in duty only, does the individual begin to come into real + contact with life; therein only can he see what life is, and + grow fit for it. + </p> + <p> + He threw himself on his bed—for he dared not smoke + where his father was—and dozed away the hours till + lunch, then returned and dozed again, with more success, till + tea time. This was his only resource against the + unpleasantness of the day. The others were nowise + particularly weighed down by it, and the less that Cornelius + was so little in the room, haunting the window with his hands + in his pockets. + </p> + <p> + When tea was over, he rose and sauntered once more to the + window, the only outlook he ever frequented. + </p> + <p> + "Hullo!" he cried, turning from it quickly. "I say, Hester! + here's a lark! the sun's shining as if his grandmother had + but just taught him how! The rain's over, I declare—at + least for a quarter of an hour! Come, let's have a walk. + We'll go and hear the band in the castle-gardens. I don't + think there's any thing going on at the theatre, else I would + take you there." + </p> + <p> + The sight of the sun revives both men and midges. + </p> + <p> + "I would rather walk," said Hester. "It is seldom one sees + good acting in the provinces. At best there is but one star. + I prefer a jewel to a gem, and a decent play to a fine part." + </p> + <p> + "Hester," said Cornelius with reproof, "I believe you think + it a fine thing to be hard to please! I know a fellow that + calls it a kind of suicide. To allow a spot to spoil your + pleasure in a beauty is to be too fond of perfection." + </p> + <p> + "No, Corney," answered his sister, "that is hardly my + position. What I would say is rather, that one point of + excellence is not enough to make a whole beautiful—a + face, or a play—or a character." + </p> + <p> + Hester had a rather severe mode of speaking, especially to + this brother, which, if it had an end, failed of it. She was + the only person in the house who could ever have done any + thing with him, and she lost her advantage—let me use a + figure—by shouting to him from a distance, instead of + coming close up to him and speaking in a whisper. But for + that she did not love him enough, neither was she yet calm + enough in herself to be able for it. I doubt much, however, + if he would have been in any degree permanently the better + for the best she could have done for him. He was too + self-satisfied for any redemption. He was afraid of his + father, resented the interference of his mother, was as cross + as he pleased with his sister, and cared little whether she + was vexed with him or not. And he regarded the opinion of any + girl, just because she was a girl, too little to imagine any + reflection on himself in the remark she had just made. + </p> + <p> + While they talked he had been watching the clouds. + </p> + <p> + "Do go, Hester," he said. "I give you my word it will be a + fine evening." + </p> + <p> + She went to put on her hat and cloak, and presently they were + in the street. + </p> + <p> + It was one of those misty clearings in which sometimes the + day seems to gather up his careless skirts, that have been + sweeping the patient, half-drowned world, as he draws nigh + the threshold of the waiting night. There was a great lump of + orange color half melted up in the watery clouds of the west, + but all was dreary and scarce consolable, up to the clear + spaces above, stung with the steely stars that began to peep + out of the blue hope of heaven. Thither Hester kept casting + up her eyes as they walked, or rather somehow her eyes kept + travelling thitherward of themselves, as if indeed they had + to do with things up there. And the child that cries for the + moon is wiser than the man who looks upon the heavens as a + mere accident of the earth, with which none but + <i>unpractical</i> men concern themselves. + </p> + <p> + But as she walked gazing at "an azure disc, shield of + tranquility," over her head, she set her foot down unevenly, + and gave her ankle a wrench. She could not help uttering a + little cry. + </p> + <p> + "There now, Hester!" said Cornelius, pulling her up like a + horse that stumbled, "that's what you get by your + star-gazing! You are always coming to grief by looking higher + than your head!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, please, stop a minute, Corney," returned Hester, for the + fellow would have walked on as if nothing had happened. "My + ankle hurts so!" + </p> + <p> + "I didn't know it was so bad as that!" he answered stopping. + "There! take my arm." + </p> + <p> + "Now I can go on again," she said, after a few moments of + silent endurance. "How stupid of me!—on a plain asphalt + pavement!" + </p> + <p> + He might have excused her with the remark that just on such + was an accidental inequality the more dangerous. + </p> + <p> + "What bright, particular star were you worshipping now?" he + asked scoffingly. + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean by that?" she rejoined in a tone affected + by her suffering, which thence, from his lack of sympathy, he + took for one of crossness. + </p> + <p> + "You know quite well," he answered roughly, "that you are + always worshipping some paragon or other—for a while, + till you get tired of her, and then throw her away for + another!" + </p> + <p> + Hester was hurt and made no answer. + </p> + <p> + There was some apparent ground for the accusation. She was + ready to think extravagantly of any new acquaintances that + pleased her. Frank and true and generous, it was but natural + she should read others by herself; just as those in whom is + meanness or guile cannot help attributing the same to the + simplest. Nor was the result unnatural either, namely, that, + when a brief intercourse had sufficed to reveal a nature on + the common level, it sufficed also to chill the feeling that + had rushed to the surface to welcome a friend, and send the + new-found floating far away on the swift ebb of + disappointment. Any whom she treats thus, called her, of + course, fitful and changeable, whereas it was in truth the + unchangeableness of her ideal and her faithfulness to it that + exposed her to blame. She was so true, so much in earnest, + and, although gentle, had so little softness to drape the + sterner outlines of her character that she was looked upon + with dislike by not a few of her acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + "That again comes of looking too high, and judging with + precipitation," resumed Cornelius, urged from within to be + unpleasant—and the rather that she did not reply. + </p> + <p> + He was always ready to criticise, and it was so much the + easier for him that he had not the least bent towards + self-criticism. For the latter supposes some degree of truth + in the inward parts, and that is obstructive to the + indulgence of the former tendency. As to himself, he would be + hand and glove at a moment's notice with any man who looked a + gentleman, and made himself agreeable; nor whatever he might + find him to be, was he, so long as the man was not looked + down upon by others, the least inclined to avoid his company + because of moral shadiness. "A man can take care of himself!" + he would say. + </p> + <p> + Hester stopped again. + </p> + <p> + "Corney," she said, "my ankle feels so weak! I am walking in + terror of twisting it again. You must let me stand a bit. I + shall be all right in a minute." + </p> + <p> + "I'm very sorry," rejoined her brother disagreeably. "We must + take the first fly we meet, and go home again. It's just my + luck! I thought we were going to have some fun!" + </p> + <p> + They stood silent, she looking nowhere, and he staring now in + this direction, now in that. "Hullo! what's this?" he cried, + his gaze fixing on a large building opposite. "The Pilgrim's + Progress! The Rake's Progress! Ha! ha! As edifying as + amusing, no doubt! I suppose the Pilgrim and the Rake are + contrasted with each other. But how, I wonder! Is it a + lecture or a magic lantern? Both, I dare say! Let's go in and + see! I can't read any more of the bill. We may at least sit + there till your ankle is better. 'Admission—front seats + sixpence.' Come along. We may get a good laugh, who + knows?—a thing cheap at any price—for our + sixpence!" + </p> + <p> + "I don't mind," said Hester, and they crossed the road. + </p> + <p> + It was a large, dingy, dirty, water-stained and somewhat + dilapidated hall to which the stone stair, ascending + immediately from the door, led them; and it would have looked + considerably worse but for the obscurity belonging to the + nature of the entertainment, through which it took some pains + to discover the twenty-five or thirty people that formed the + company present. It was indeed a dim, but not therefore, a + very religious light that pervaded rather than overcame the + gloom, issuing chiefly from the crude and discordant colors + of a luminous picture on a great screen at the farther end of + the hall. There an ill-proportioned figure, presenting, + although his burden was of course gone some time, a still + very humpy Christian, was shown extended on the ground, with + his sword a yard beyond his reach, and Apollyon straddling + across the whole breadth of the way, and taking him in the + stride. But that huge stride was the fiend's sole expression + of vigor; for, although he held a flaming dart ready to + strike the poor man dead, his own dragon countenance was so + feebly demoniacal that it seemed unlikely he would have the + heart to drive it home. The lantern from which proceeded the + picture, was managed by a hidden operator, evidently from his + voice, occasionally overheard, a mere boy; and an old man, + like a broken-down clergyman, whose dirty white neckcloth + seemed adjusted on a secret understanding of moral obliquity, + its knot suggesting a gradual approach to the last position a + knot on the neck can assume, kept walking up and down the + parti-colored gloom, flaunting a pretense of lecture on the + scenes presented. Whether he was a little drunk or greatly in + his dotage, it was impossible to determine without a nearer + acquaintance. If I venture to give a specimen of his mode of + lecturing, it will be seen that a few lingering rags of + scholastic acquirement, yet fluttered about the poor fellow. + </p> + <p> + "Here you behold the terrible battle between + Christian—or was it Faithful?—I used to know, but + trouble has played old Hookey with my memory. It's all here, + you know"—and he tapped the bald table-land of his + head—"but somehow it ain't handy as it used! In the + morning it flourisheth and groweth up: in the evening it is + cut down and withereth. Man that is in honor and abideth not, + is like the beast that perisheth—but there's Christian + and Apollyon, right afore you, and better him than me. When I + was a young one, and that wasn't yesterday, I used to think, + but that was before I could read, that Apollyon was one and + the same with Bonaparty—Nappoleon, you know. And I + wasn't just so far wrong neither, as I shall readily prove to + those of my distinguished audience who have been to college + like myself, and learned to read Greek like their mother + tongue. For what is the very name Apollyon, but an occult + prophecy concerning the great conqueror of Europe! nothing + can be plainer! Of course the first letter, N, stands for + nothing—a mere veil to cover the prophecy till the time + of revealing. In all languages it is the sign of + negation—<i>no</i>, and <i>none</i>, and <i>never</i>, + and <i>nothing</i>; therefore cast it away as the nothing it + is. Then what have you left but <i>apoleon</i>! Throw away + another letter, and what have you but <i>poleon</i>! Throw + away letter after letter, and what do you get but + words—<i>Napoleon, apoleon, poleon, oleon, leon, + eon</i>, or, if you like, <i>on</i>! Now these are all Greek + words—and what, pray, do they mean? I will give you a + literal translation, and I challenge any Greek scholar who + may be here present to set me right, that is, to show me + wrong: Napoleon the destroyer of cities, being a destroying + lion! Now I should like to know a more sure word of prophecy + than that! Would any one in the company oblige me? I take + that now for an incontrovertible"—he stammered over + this word—"proof of the truth of the Bible. But I am + wandering from my subject, which error, I pray you, ladies + and gentlemen, to excuse, for I am no longer what I was in + the prime of youth's rosy morn—come, I must get on! + Change the slide, boy; I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I + want to get home and go to bed." + </p> + <p> + He maundered on in this way, uttering even worse nonsense + than I have set down, and mingling with it soiled and dusty + commonplaces of religion, every now and then dwelling for a + moment or two upon his own mental and physical declension + from the admirable being he once was. He reached the height + of his absurdity in describing the resistance of the two + pilgrims to the manifold temptations of Vanity Fair, which he + so set forth as to take from Christian and Faithful the + smallest possible appearance of merit in turning their backs + upon them. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius was in fits of laughter, which he scarcely tried to + choke. When the dreary old soul drew near where he sat, + smelling abominably of strong drink, the only thing that kept + his merriment within bounds was the dread that the man might + address him personally, and so draw upon him the attention of + the audience. + </p> + <p> + Very different was the mood of Hester. To the astonishment of + Cornelius, when at last they rose to go, there were tears in + her eyes. The misery of the whole thing was too dreadful to + her! The lantern itself must, she thought, have been made + when the invention was in its infancy, and its pictured + slides seemed the remnants of various outworn series. Those + of the Rake's Progress were something too hideous and + lamentable to be dwelt upon. And the ruinous, wretched old + man did not merely seem to have taken to this as a last + effort, but to have in his dotage turned back upon his life + course, and resumed a half-forgotten trade—or perhaps + only an accomplishment of which he had made use for the + benefit of his people when he was a clergyman—to find + that the faculty for it he once had, and on which he had + reckoned to carry him through, had abandoned him. Worst of + all to the heart of Hester was the fact that so few people + were present, many of them children at half-price, some of + whom seemed far from satisfied with the amusement offered + them. When the hall and the gas—but that would not be + much—and the advertising were paid for, what would the + poor old scrag-end of humanity, with his yellow-white + neckcloth knotted hard under his left ear, have over for his + supper? Was there any woman to look after him? and would she + give him anything fit to eat? Hester was all but crying to + think she could do nothing for him—that he was so far + from her and beyond her help, when she remembered the fat + woman with curls hanging down her cheeks, who had taken their + money at the door. Apparently she was his wife—and + seemed to thrive upon it! But alas for the misery of the + whole thing! + </p> + <p> + When they came out and breathed again the blue, clean, + rain-washed air instead of the musty smells of the hall, + involuntarily Hester's eyes rose to the vault whose only + keystone is the will of the Father, whose endless space alone + is large enough to picture the heart of God: how was that old + man to get up into the high regions and grow clean and wise? + For all the look, he must belong there as well as she! And + were there not thousands equally and more miserable in the + world—people wrapped in no tenderness, to whom none + ministered, left if not driven—so it seemed at the + moment to Hester—to fold themselves in their own + selfishness? And was there nothing she, a favored one of the + family, could do to help, to comfort, to lift up one such of + her own flesh and blood?—to rescue a heart from the + misery of hopelessness?—to make this one or that feel + there was a heart of love and refuge at the centre of things? + Hester had a large, though not hitherto entirely active + aspiration in her; and now, the moment she began to flutter + her weak wings, she found the whole human family hanging upon + her, and that she could not rise except in raising them along + with her. For the necessities of our deepest nature are such + as not to admit of a mere private individual satisfaction. I + well remember feeling as a child that I did not care for God + to love me if he did not love everybody: the kind of love I + needed was love essential to my nature—the love of me, + a man, not of me a person—the love therefore that all + men needed, the love that belonged to their nature as the + children of the Father, a love he could not give me except he + gave it to all men. + </p> + <p> + But this was not the beginning of Hester's enthusiasm for her + kind—only a crystallizing shock it received. + </p> + <p> + Nor was it likely to be the less powerful in the end that now + at the age of three and twenty she had but little to show for + it. She was one of the strong ones that grow slowly; and she + had now for some years been cherishing an idea, and working + for its realization, which every sight and sound of misery + tended to quicken and strengthen. + </p> + <p> + "There you are again," said Cornelius—"star-gazing as + usual! You'll be spraining your other ankle presently!" + </p> + <p> + "I had forgotten all about my ankle, Corney dear," returned + Hester, softened by her sorrowful sympathy; "but I will be + careful." + </p> + <p> + "You had better. Well, I think between us we had the worth of + our shilling! Did you ever see such a ridiculous old bloke!" + </p> + <p> + "I wish you would not use that word, Corney," said Hester, + letting her displeasure fall on the word, where she knew the + feeling was entrenched beyond assault. + </p> + <p> + "What's the matter with the word? It is the most respectable + old Anglo-Saxon." + </p> + <p> + Hester said no more, but heaved an inward sigh. Of what + consequence were the words her brother used, so long as he + recognized no dignity in life, never set himself <i>to + be!</i> Why should any one be taught to behave like a + gentleman, so long as he is no gentleman? + </p> + <p> + Cornelius burst out laughing. + </p> + <p> + "To think of those muffs going through the + river—sliding along the bottom, and spreading out their + feelers above the water, like two rearing lobsters! And the + angels waiting for them on the bank like laundresses with + their clean shirts! Ha! ha! ha!" + </p> + <p> + "They seemed to me," answered Hester, "very much like the + men, and angels too, in that old edition of the Pilgrim papa + thinks so much of. I couldn't for my part, absurd as they + were, help feeling a certain pathos in the figures and + faces." + </p> + <p> + "That came of the fine interpretation the + old—hm!—codger gave of their actions and + movements!" + </p> + <p> + "It may have come of the pitiful feeling the whole affair + gave me—I cannot tell," said Hester. "That old man made + me very sad." + </p> + <p> + "Now you do strand me, Hester!" replied her brother. "How you + could see anything pathetic, or pitiful as you call it, in + that disreputable old humbug, I can't even imagine. A more + ludicrous specimen of tumble-down humanity it would be + impossible to find! A drunken old thief—I'll lay you + any thing! Catch me leaving a sov where he could spy the + shine of it!" + </p> + <p> + "And don't you count that pitiful, Cornelius? Can you see one + of your own kind, with heart and head and hands like your + own, so self-abandoned, so low, so hopeless, and feel no pity + for him? Didn't you hear him say to himself as he passed you, + 'Come, let's get on! I'm sick of it. I don't know what I'm + talking about.' He seemed actually to despise himself!" + </p> + <p> + "What better or more just could he do? But never you mind: + <i>he's</i> all right! Don't you trouble your head about + <i>him</i>. You should see him when he gets home! He'll have + his hot supper and his hot tumbler, don't you fear! Swear he + will too, and fluently, if it's not waiting him!" + </p> + <p> + "Now that seems to me the most pitiful of all," returned + Hester, and was on the point of adding, "That is just the + kind of pity I feel for you, Corney," but checked herself. + "Is it not most pitiful to see a human being, made in the + image of God, sunk so low?" she said. + </p> + <p> + "It's his own doing," returned Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + "And is not that yet the lowest and worst of it all? If he + could not help it, and therefore was not to blame, it would + be sad enough; but to be such, and be to blame for being + such, seems to me misery upon misery unbearable." + </p> + <p> + "There I don't agree with you—not at all! So long as a + fellow has fair play, and nothing happens to him but what he + brings upon himself, I don't see what he has to complain of." + </p> + <p> + "But that is not the question," interrupted Hester. "It is + not whether he has anything to complain of, but whether he + has anything to be pitied for. I don't know what I wouldn't + do to make that old man clean and comfortable!" + </p> + <p> + Cornelius again burst into a great laugh. No man was anything + to him merely because he was a man. + </p> + <p> + "A highly interesting protégé you would have!" + he said; "and no doubt your friends would congratulate you + when you presented him! But for my part I don't see the least + occasion to trouble your head about such riffraff. Every + manufacture has its waste, and he's human waste. There's + misery enough in the world without looking out for it, and + taking other people's upon our shoulders. You remember what + one of the fellows in the magic lantern said: 'Every tub must + stand on its own bottom'!" + </p> + <p> + Hester held her peace. That her own brother's one mode of + relieving the suffering in the world should be to avoid as + much as possible adding to his own, was to her sisterly heart + humiliating. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch04"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER IV. + </h2> + <h3> + HESTER ALONE. + </h3> + <p> + When the family separated for the night and Hester reached + her room, she sat down and fell a thinking, not more + earnestly but more continuously. + </p> + <p> + She was one of those women—not few in number, I have + good reason to think, though doubtless few comparatively, who + from the first dawn of consciousness have all their lives + endeavored, with varying success, with frequent failure of + strength, and occasional brief collapse of effort, to do the + right thing. Therein she had but followed in the footsteps of + her mother, who, though not so cultivated as she, walked no + less steady in the true path of humanity. But the very + earnestness of Hester's endeavor along with the small reason + she found for considering it successful; the frequent + irritation with herself because of failure; and the + impossibility of satisfying the hard master Self, who, while + he flatters some, requires of others more than they can + give—all tended to make her less evenly sympathetic + with those about her than her heart's theory demanded. + Willing to lay down her life for them, a matchless nurse in + sickness, and in trouble revealing a tenderness perfectly + lovely, she was yet not the one to whom first either of the + children was ready to flee with hurt or sorrow: she was not + yet all human, because she was not yet at home with the + divine. + </p> + <p> + Thousands that are capable of great sacrifices are yet not + capable of the little ones which are all that are required of + them. God seems to take pleasure in working by degrees; the + progress of the truth is as the permeation of leaven, or the + growth of a seed: a multitude of successive small sacrifices + may work more good in the world than many a large one. What + would even our Lord's death on the cross have been, except as + the crown of a life in which he died daily, giving himself, + soul, body and spirit, to his men and women? It is the + <i>Being</i> that is the precious thing. Being is the mother + to all little Doings as well as the grown-up Deeds and the + mighty heroic Sacrifice; and these little Doings, like the + good children of the house, make the bliss of it. Hester had + not had time, neither had she prayed enough to <i>be</i> + quite yet, though she was growing well towards it. She was a + good way up the hill, and the Lord was coming down to meet + her, but they had not quite met yet, so as to go up the rest + of the way together. + </p> + <p> + In religious politics, Hester was what is called a good + churchwoman, which in truth means a good deal of a sectarian. + She not merely recoiled from such as venerated the more + primitive modes of church-government rather than those of + later expediency, and preferred far inferior extempore + prayers to the best possible prayers in print, going + therefore to some chapel instead of the church, but she + looked down upon them as from a superior social + standing—that is, with the judgment of this world, and + not that of Christ the carpenter's son. In short, she had a + repugnance to the whole race of dissenters, and would not + have soiled her dress with the dust of one of their + school-rooms even. She regarded her own conscience as her + Lord, but had not therefore any respect for that of another + man where it differed from her in the direction of what she + counted vulgarity. So she was scarcely in the kingdom of + heaven yet, any more than thousands who regard themselves as + choice Christians. I do not say these feelings were very + active in her, for little occurred to call them out; but she + did not love her dissenting neighbor, and felt good and + condescending when, brought into contact with one, she + behaved kindly to him. + </p> + <p> + I well know that some of my readers will heartily approve of + her in this very thing, and that not a few <i>good + dissenters</i> on the other hand, who are equally and in + precisely the same way sectarians, that is bad Christians, + will scorn her for it; but for my part I would rather cut off + my right hand than be so cased and stayed in a narrow garment + of pride and satisfaction, condemned to keep company with + myself instead of the Master as he goes everywhere—into + the poorest companies of them that love each other, and so + invite his presence. + </p> + <p> + The Lord of truth and beauty has died for us: shall we who, + by haunting what we call his courts, have had our sense of + beauty, our joy in grace tenfold exalted, gather around us, + in the presence of those we count less refined than + ourselves, skirts trimmed with the phylacteries of the + world's law, turning up the Pharisaical nose, and forgetting + both what painful facts self-criticism has revealed to + ourselves, and the eyes upon us of the yet more delicate + refinement and the yet gentle breeding of the high countries? + May these not see in us some malgrace which it needs the + gentleness of Christ to get over and forget, some savagery of + which we are not aware, some <i>gaucherie</i> that repels + though it cannot estrange them? Casting from us our own + faults first, let us cast from us and from him our neighbor's + also. O gentle man, the common man is yet thy brother, and + thy gentleness should make him great, infecting him with thy + humility, not rousing in him the echo of a vile unheavenly + scorn. Wilt thou, with thy lofty condescension, more + intrinsically vulgar than even his ugly self-assertion, give + him cause too good to hate thy refinement? It is not thy + refinement makes thee despise him; it is thy own vulgarity; + and if we dare not search ourselves close enough to discover + the low breeding, the bad blood in us, it will one day come + out plain as the smitten brand of the <i>forçat</i>. + </p> + <p> + That Hester had a tendency to high church had little or + nothing to do with the matter. Such exclusiveness is simply a + form of that pride, justify or explain it as you will, which + found its fullest embodiment in the Jewish Pharisee—the + evil thing that Christ came to burn up with his lovely fire, + and which yet so many of us who call ourselves by his name + keep hugging to our bosoms—I mean the pride that says, + "I am better than thou." If these or those be in any true + sense below us, it is of Satan to despise—of Christ to + stoop and lay hold of and lift the sister soul up nearer to + the heart of the divine tenderness. + </p> + <p> + But this tenderness, which has its roots in every human + heart, had larger roots in the heart of Hester than in most. + Whatever her failings, whatever ugly weeds grew in the + neglected corners of her nature, the moment she came in + contact with any of her kind in whatever condition of sadness + or need, the pent-up love of God—I mean the love that + came of God and was divine in her—would burst its + barriers and rush forth, sometimes almost overwhelming + herself in its torrent. She would then be ready to die, + nothing less, to help the poor and miserable. She was not yet + far enough advanced to pity vulgarity in itself—perhaps + none but Christ is able to do that—but she could and + did pity greatly its associated want and misery, nor was + repelled from them by their accompanying degradation. + </p> + <p> + The tide of action, in these later years flowing more swiftly + in the hearts of women—whence has resulted so much that + is noble, so much that is paltry, according to the nature of + the heart in which it swells—had been rising in that of + Hester also. She must not waste her life! She must <i>do</i> + something! What should it be? Her deep sense of the misery + around her had of course suggested that it must be something + in the way of help. But what form was the help to take? "I + have no money!" she said to herself—for this the last + and feeblest of means for the doing of good is always the + first to suggest itself to one who has not perceived the mind + of God in the matter. To me it seems that the first thing in + regard to money is to prevent it from doing harm. The man who + sets out to do good with his fortune is like one who would + drive a team of tigers through the streets of a city, or hunt + the fox with cheetahs. I would think of money as Christ + thought of it, not otherwise; for no other way is true, + however it may recommend itself to good men; and neither + Christ nor his apostles did anything by means of money; nay, + he who would join them in their labors had to abandon his + <i>fortune</i>. + </p> + <p> + This evening, then, the thought of the vulgar, miserable, + ruinous old man, with his wretched magic lantern, kept + haunting Hester, and made her very pitiful; and naturally, + starting from him, her thoughts went wandering abroad over + the universe of misery. For was not the world full of men and + women who groaned, not merely under poverty and cruelty, + weakness and sickness, but under dullness and stupidity, + hugged in the paralyzing arms of that devil-fish, The + Commonplace, or held fast to the rocks by the crab Custom, + while the tide of moral indifference was fast rising to choke + them? Was there no prophet, no redemption, no mediator for + such as these? Were there not thousands of women, born with a + trembling impulse towards the true and lovely, in whom it was + withering for lack of nurture, and they themselves + continuously massing into common clay, a summer-fall of human + flowers off the branches of hope and aspiration? How many + young wives, especially linked to the husbands of their + choice, and by this very means disenchanted, as they + themselves would call it, were doomed to look no more upon + life as the antechamber of the infinite, but as the + counting-house of the king of the nursery-ballad, where you + may, if you can, eat bread and honey, but where you + <i>must</i> count your money! At the windows of the + husband-house no more looks out the lover but the man of + business, who takes his life to consist in the abundance of + the things he possesses! He must make money for his + children!—and would make money if he had nor chick nor + child. Could she do nothing for such wives at least? The man + who by honest means made people laugh, sent a fire-headed + arrow into the ranks of the beleaguering enemy of his race; + he who beguiled from another a genuine tear, made heavenly + wind visit his heart with a cool odor of paradise! What was + there for her to do? + </p> + <p> + But possibly Hester might neither have begun nor gone on + thinking thus, had it not been for a sense of power within + her springing from, or at least associated with, a certain + special gift which she had all her life, under the faithful + care of her mother, been cultivating. Endowed with a passion + for music—what is a true passion but a heavenly + hunger?—which she indulged; relieved, strengthened, nor + ever sated, by a continuous study of both theoretical and + practical music, she approached both piano and organ with + eager yet withholding foot, each as a great and effectual + door ready to open into regions of delight. But she was + gifted also with a fine contralto voice, of exceptional scope + and flexibility, whose capacity of being educated into an + organ of expression was not thrown away upon one who had a + world inside her to express—doubtless as yet not a + little chaotic, but in process of assuming form that might + demand utterance; and this angelic instrument had for some + years been under careful training. And now this night came to + Hester, if not for the first time, yet more clearly than ever + before, the thought whether she might not in some way make + use of this her one gift for the service she + desired—for the comfort, that was, and the uplifting of + humanity, especially such humanity as had sunk below even its + individual level. Thus instinctively she sought relief from + sympathetic pain in the alleviation and removal of its cause. + </p> + <p> + But pity and instinctive recoil from pain were by no means + all the elements of the impulse moving Hester in this + direction. An honest and active mind such as hers could not + have carried her so often to church and for so long a time, + whatever might be the nature of the direct teaching she there + received, without gaining some glimpses of the mightiest + truth of our being, that we belong to God in actual fact of + spiritual property and profoundest relationship. She had much + to learn in this direction yet—as who has not who is + ages in advance of life?—but this night came back to + her, as it had often already returned, the memory of a sermon + she had heard some twelve months before on the text, "Glorify + God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." It + was a dull enough sermon, yet not so dull but it enabled her + to supply in some degree its own lack; and when she went out + of the dark church into the sunshine,—and heard the + birds singing as if they knew without any St. Francis to tell + them that their bodies and their spirits were God's, a sense + awoke in her such as she had not had before, that the grand + voice lying like an unborn angel in the chest and throat of + her, belonged not to herself but to God, and must be used in + some way for the working of his will in the world which as + well as the voice he had made. She had no real notion yet of + what is meant by the glory of God. She had not quite learned + that simplest of high truths that the glory of God is the + beauty of Christ's face. She had a lingering idea—a + hideously frightful one, though its vagueness kept it in + great measure from injuring her—that the One only good, + the One only unselfish thought a great deal of himself, and + looked strictly after his rights in the way of homage. Hence + she thought first of devoting the splendor and richness of + her voice to swell the song of some church-choir. With her + notion of God and of her relation to him, how could she yet + have escaped the poor pagan fancy—good for a pagan, but + beggarly for a Christian, that church and its goings-on are a + serving of God? She had not begun to ask how these were to do + God any good—or if my reader objects to the phrase, I + will use a common one saying the same thing—how these + were to do anything for God. She had not begun to see that + God is the one great servant of all, and that the only way to + serve him is to be a fellow-servant with him—to be, + say, a nurse in his nursery, and tend this or that lonely, + this or that rickety child of his. She had not yet come to + see that it is as absurd to call song and prayer a serving of + God, as it would be to say the thief on the cross did + something for Christ in consenting to go with him to + paradise. But now some dim perception of this truth began to + wake in her. Vaguely she began to feel that perhaps God had + given her this voice and this marriage of delight and power + in music and song for some reason like that for which he had + made the birds the poets of the animal world: what if her + part also should be to drive dull care away? what if she too + were intended to be a door-keeper in the house of God, and + open or keep open windows in heaven that the air of the high + places might reach the low swampy ground? If while she sang, + her soul mounted on the wings of her song till it fluttered + against the latticed doors of heaven as a bird flutters + against the wires of its cage; if also God has made of one + blood all nations of men—why, then, surely her song was + capable of more than carrying merely herself up into the + regions of delight! Nay more, might there not from her throat + go forth a trumpet-cry of truth among such as could hear and + respond to the cry? Then, when the humblest servant should + receive the reward of his well-doing, she would not be left + outside, but enter into the joy of her Lord. How specially + such work might be done by her she did not yet see, but the + truth had drawn nigh her that, to serve God in any true + sense, we must serve him where he needs service—among + his children lying in the heart of lack, in sin and pain and + sorrow; and she saw that, if she was to serve at all, it must + be with her best, with her special equipment. + </p> + <p> + I need not follow the gradations, unmarked of herself, by + which she at length came to a sort of conclusion: the + immediate practical result was, that she gave herself more + than ever to the cultivation of her gift, seeing in the + distance the possibility of her becoming, in one mode or + another, or in all modes perhaps together, a songstress to + her generation. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch05"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER V. + </h2> + <h3> + TRULY THE LIGHT IS SWEET. + </h3> + <p> + The cry of the human heart in all ages and in every moment + is, "Where is God and how shall I find him?"—No, + friend, I will not accept your testimony to the + contrary—not though you may be as well fitted as ever + one of eight hundred millions to come forward with it. You + take it for granted that you know your own heart because you + call it yours, but I say that your heart is a far deeper + thing than you know or are capable of knowing. Its very + nature is hid from you. I use but a poor figure when I say + that the roots of your heart go down beyond your + knowledge—whole eternities beyond it—into the + heart of God. If you have never yet made one discovery in + your heart, your testimony concerning it is not worth a tuft + of flue; and if you have made discoveries in it, does not the + fact reveal that it is but little known to you, and that + there must be discoveries innumerable yet to be made in it? + To him who has been making discoveries in it for fifty years, + the depths of his heart are yet a mystery—a mystery, + however, peopled with loveliest hopes. I repeat whether the + man knows it or not, his heart in its depths is ever crying + out for God. + </p> + <p> + Where the man does not know it, it is because the unfaithful + Self, a would-be monarch, has usurped the consciousness; the + demon-man is uppermost, not Christ-man; he is down in the + crying heart, and the demon-man—that is the self that + worships itself—is trampling on the heart and + smothering it up in the rubbish of ambitions, lusts, and + cares. If ever its cry reaches that Self, it calls it + childish folly, and tramples the harder. It does not know + that a child crying on God is mightier than a warrior + dwelling in steel. + </p> + <p> + If we had none but fine weather, the demon-Self would be too + much for the divine-Self, and would always keep it down; but + bad weather, misfortune, ill-luck, adversity, or whatever + name but punishment or the love of God men may call it, sides + with the Christ-self down below, and helps to make its voice + heard. On the other hand if we had nothing but bad weather, + the hope of those in whom the divine Self is slowly rising + would grow too faint; while those in whom the bad weather had + not yet begun to work good would settle down into weak, + hopeless rebellion. Without hope can any man repent? + </p> + <p> + To the people at Burcliff came at length a lovely morning, + with sky and air like the face of a repentant child—a + child who has repented so thoroughly that the sin has passed + from him, and he is no longer even ashamed. The water seemed + dancing in the joy of a new birth, and the wind, coming and + going in gentle conscious organ-like swells, was at it with + them, while the sun kept looking merrily down on the glad + commotion his presence caused. + </p> + <p> + "Ah," thought the mother, as she looked from her windows ere + she began to dress for this new live day, "how would it be if + the Light at the heart of the sun were shining thus on the + worlds made in his image!" + </p> + <p> + She was thinking of her boy, whom perhaps, in all the world, + she only was able to love heartily—there was so little + in the personal being of the lad, that is, in the thing he + was to himself, and was making of himself, to help anyone to + love him! But in the absolute mere existence is reason for + love, and upon that God does love—so love, that he will + suffer and cause suffering for the development of that + existence into a thing in its own full nature lovable, + namely, an existence in its own will one with the perfect + love whence it issued; and the mother's heart more than any + other God has made is like him in power of loving. Alas that + she is so seldom like him in wisdom—so often thwarting + the work of God, and rendering more severe his measures with + her child by her attempts to shield him from His law, and + save him from saving sorrow. How often from his very + infancy—if she does not, like the very nurse she + employs, actively teach him to be selfish—does she get + between him and the right consequences of his conduct, as if + with her one feeble loving hand, she would stay the fly-wheel + of the holy universe. It is the law that the man who does + evil shall suffer; it is the only hope for him, and a hope + for the neighbor he wrongs. When he forsakes his evil, one by + one the dogs of suffering will halt and drop away from his + track; and he will find at last they have but hounded him + into the land of his nativity, into the home of his Father in + heaven. + </p> + <p> + As soon as breakfast was over, the whole family set out for a + walk. Mr. Raymount seldom left the house till after lunch, + but even he, who cared comparatively little for the open air, + had grown eager after it. Streets, hills and sands were + swarming with human beings, all drawn out by the sun. + </p> + <p> + "I sometimes wonder," he said, "that so many people require + so little to make them happy. Let but the sun break through + the clouds, and he sets them all going like ants in an + ant-hill!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," returned his wife, "but then see how little on the + other hand is required to make them miserable! Let the sun + hide his head for a day, and they grumble!" + </p> + <p> + Making the remark, the good woman never thought of her son + Cornelius, the one of her family whose conduct illustrated + it. At the moment she saw him cheerful, and her love looked + upon him as good. She was one of the best of women herself: + whatever hour she was called, her lamp was sure to have oil + in it; and yet all the time since first he lay in her arms, I + doubt if she had ever done anything to help the youth to + conquer himself. Now it was too late, even had she known what + could be done. But the others had so far turned out well: why + should not this one also? The moment his bad humors were + over, she looked on him as reformed; and when he uttered + worldliness, she persuaded herself he was but jesting. But + alas! she had no adequate notion—not a shadow of + one—of the selfishness of the man-child she had given + to the world. This matter of the black sheep in the white + flock is one of the most mysterious of the facts of spiritual + generation. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes, indeed, the sheep is by no means so black as to + the whiter ones he seems; perhaps neither are they so much + whiter as their friends and they themselves think; for to be + altogether respectable is not to be clean; and the black + sheep may be all the better than some of the rest that he + looks what he is, and does not dye his wool. But on the other + hand he may be a great deal worse than some of his own family + think him. + </p> + <p> + "Then," said Hester, after a longish pause, "those that need + more to make them happy, are less easily made unhappy?" + </p> + <p> + To this question rather than remark, she received no reply. + Her father and mother both felt it not altogether an easy one + to answer: it suggested points requiring consideration. To + Cornelius, it was a mere girl's speech, not worth heeding + where the girl was his sister. He turned up at it a mental + nose, the merest of snubs; and well he might, for he had not + the least notion of what it meant or involved. + </p> + <p> + As little notion had his father that his son Cornelius was a + black sheep. He was not what the world would have called a + black sheep, but his father, could he have seen into him, + would have counted him a very black sheep indeed—and + none the whiter that he recognized in the blackness certain + shades that were of paternal origin. It was, however, only to + the rest of the family that Cornelius showed his blackness: + of his father he was afraid; and that father, being proud of + his children, would have found it hard to believe anything + bad of them: like his faults they were his own! His faith in + his children was in no small measure conceit of that which + was his, and blinded him to their faults as it blinded him to + some of his own. The discovery of any serious fault in one of + them would be a sore wound to his vanity, a destruction of + his self-content. + </p> + <p> + The co-existence of good and evil in the same person is + perhaps the most puzzling of all facts. What a shock it gives + one to hear a woman who loves God, and spends both time and + money on the betterment of her kind, call a pauper child a + <i>brat</i>, and see her turn with disgust from the idea of + treating any strange child, more especially one of low birth, + as her own. "O Christ!" cries the heart, "is this one of the + women that follows thee?" And she <i>is</i> one of the women + that follow him—only she needs such a lesson as he gave + his disciples through the Syrophenician woman. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount had such an opinion of himself, that while he + never obtruded his opinions upon others, he never imagined + them disregarded in his own family. It never entered his mind + that any member of it might in this or that think differently + from himself. But both his wife and Hester were able to + think, and did think for themselves, as they were bound in + the truth of things to do; and there were considerable + divergements of the paths in which they walked from that he + had trodden. He had indeed always taken too much for granted, + and ought to have used more pains to have his notions + understood by them, if he laid so much on their intellectual + sympathy. He supposed all the three read what he wrote; and + his wife and daughter did read the most of it; but what would + he think when he came to know that his son not only read next + to nothing of it, but read that little with a contempt not + altogether unconscious—for no other reason than that it + was his father who wrote it? Nor was the youth quite without + justification—for was he not himself a production of + his father? But then he looked upon the latter as one of + altogether superior quality! It is indeed strange how vulgar + minds despise the things they have looked upon and their + hands have handled, just because they have looked upon them + and their hands have handled them; is there not in the fact a + humiliating lesson, which yet they are unable to read, of the + degrading power of their own presence upon themselves and + their judgments? Whether a man is a hero to his valet or the + opposite, depends as much on the valet as on the man: The + bond, then, between the father and the son, was by no means + so strong as the father thought it. Indeed the selfishness of + Cornelius made him almost look upon his father as his enemy, + because of his intentions with regard to the division of his + property. And selfishness rarely fails of good arguments. Nor + can anything destroy it but such a turning of things upside + down as only he that made them can work. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch06"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER VI. + </h2> + <h3> + THE AQUARIUM. + </h3> + <p> + "Let's go and see the people at the aquarium," said + Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean the fishes?" asked his father. + </p> + <p> + "No, I don't care about them; I said the people," answered + Cornelius stupidly. + </p> + <p> + "The people of an aquarium must surely be fishes, eh, Saffy?" + said the father to the bright child, walking hand in hand + with him. It was Josephine. Her eyes were so blue that but + for the association he would have called her Sapphira. + Between the two he contented himself with the pet name of + <i>Saffy</i>. + </p> + <p> + "Ah but, papa," said Hester, "Corney didn't say the people + <i>of</i> the aquarium, but the people <i>at</i> the + aquarium!" + </p> + <p> + "Two of you are too many for me!" returned the father + playfully. "Well, then, Saffy, let us go and see the people + <i>of</i> and the people <i>at</i> the aquarium.—Which + do you want to see, Hester?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, the fishes of course, papa!" + </p> + <p> + "Why of course?" + </p> + <p> + "Because they're so much more interesting than the people," + said Hester rebuked in herself as she said it—before + she knew why. + </p> + <p> + "Fishes more interesting than people!" exclaimed her father. + </p> + <p> + "They're so like people, papa!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then surely the people must be the more interesting + after all, if it is the likeness of the fishes to people that + makes them interesting! Which of all the people you love do + you see likest a fish now?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, papa!" + </p> + <p> + "What! is it only people you hate that you see like fishes?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't hate anybody, papa." + </p> + <p> + "There's a way of not caring about people, + though—looking down on them and seeing them like + fishes, that's precious like hating them," said Cornelius, + who enjoyed a crowd, and putting his sister in the wrong + still better: to that end he could easily say a sensible + thing. + </p> + <p> + "If you mean me, Corney, I think you do me injustice," said + Hester. "The worst I do is to look at them the wrong way of + the telescope." + </p> + <p> + "But why do you never see anyone you love like a fish?" + persisted her father. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps because I could not love anybody that was like a + fish." + </p> + <p> + "Certainly there is something not beautiful about them!" said + Mr. Raymount. + </p> + <p> + "They're beastly ugly," said Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + "Let us look into it a little," continued his father. "What + is it about them that is ugly? Their colors are sometimes + very beautiful—and their shapes, too." + </p> + <p> + "Their heads and faces," said Hester, "are the only parts of + them in which they can be like human beings, and those are + very ugly." + </p> + <p> + "I'm not sure that you are right, Hester," said the mother, + who had not spoken till now. "There must surely be something + human in their bodies as well, for now and then I see their + ways and motions so like those of men and women, that I felt + for a moment almost as if I understood how they were feeling, + and were just going to know what they were thinking." + </p> + <p> + "I suspect," said Mr. Raymount, "your mother's too much of a + poet to be trusted alone in an aquarium. It would have driven + Shelley crazy—to judge from his Sensitive Plant." + </p> + <p> + They had now reached the middle of the descent to the + mysteries of the place, when Cornelius, who, with an interest + Hester could not understand in him, and which was partly + owing to a mere love of transition, had been staring at the + ascending faces, uttered a cry of recognition, and darted + down to the next landing. With a degree of respect he seldom + manifested they saw him there accost a gentleman leaning over + the balustrade, and shake hands with him. He was several + years older than Cornelius, not a few inches taller, and much + better-looking—one indeed who could hardly fail to + attract notice even in a crowd. Corney's weakest point, next + to his heart, was his legs, which perhaps accounted for his + worship of Mr. Vavasor's calves, in themselves nothing + remarkable. He was already glancing stolen looks at these + objects of his jealous admiration when the rest reached the + landing, and Mr. Raymount, willing to know his son's friend, + desired Corney to introduce him. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius had been now eighteen months in the bank, and had + never even mentioned the name of a fellow clerk. He was one + of those youths who take the only possible way for emptiness + to make itself of consequence—that of concealment and + affected mystery. Not even now but for his father's request, + would he have presented his bank friend to him or any of the + family. + </p> + <p> + The manners and approach of Mr. Vavasor were such as at once + to recommend him to the friendly reception of all, from Mr. + Raymount to little Saffy, who had the rare charm of being shy + without being rude. If not genial, his manners were yet + friendly, and his carriage if not graceful was easy; both + were apt to be abrupt where he was familiar. It was a kind of + company bearing he had, but dashed with indifference, except + where he desired to commend himself. He shook hands with + little Saffy as respectfully as with her mother, but with + neither altogether respectfully; and immediately the + pale-faced, cold, loving boy, Mark, unwillingly, therefore + almost unconsciously, disliked him. He was beyond question + handsome, with a Grecian nose nearly perfect, which had its + large part in the aristocratic look he bore. This was favored + also by the simplicity of his dress. He turned with them, and + re-descended the stairs. + </p> + <p> + "Why didn't you tell me you were coming, Mr. Vavasor? I could + have met you," said Cornelius, with just a little stretch of + the degree of familiarity in use between them. + </p> + <p> + "I didn't know myself till the last minute," answered + Vavasor. "It was a sudden resolve of my aunt's. Neither had I + the remotest idea you were here." + </p> + <p> + "Have you been seeing the fishes?" asked Hester, at whose + side their new acquaintance was walking now they had reached + the subterranean level. + </p> + <p> + "I have just passed along their cages," he answered. "They + are not well kept; the glass is dirty, and the water, too. I + fancied they looked unhappy, and came away. I can't bear to + see creatures pining. It would be a good deed to poison them + all." + </p> + <p> + "Wouldn't it be better to give them some fresh water?" said + little Saffy, "that would make them glad." + </p> + <p> + To this wisdom there was no response. + </p> + <p> + When they came to the door of the concert-room, Cornelius + turned into it, leaving his "friend" with his "people" to go + and look at the fishes. Mr. Vavasor kept his place by the + side of Hester. + </p> + <p> + "We were just talking, when we had the pleasure of meeting + you, about people and fishes—comparing them in a way," + said Hester. "I can't make it clear to myself why I like + seeing the fishes better than the people." + </p> + <p> + "I fancy it must be because you call them fishes and not + fish," replied Vavasor. "If the fishes were a shoal of + herrings or mackerel, I doubt if you would—at least for + many times. If, on the other hand, the men and women in the + concert-room were as oddly distinguished one from another as + these different fishes, you would prefer going with your + brother." + </p> + <p> + "I'm sure I shouldn't" said Saffy to Mark. + </p> + <p> + "Phizzes is best on fishes," answered Mark sententiously. "I + like faces best; only you don't <i>always</i> want to look at + what you like best!—I wonder why." + </p> + <p> + "And yet I suspect," said Mrs. Raymount to Vavasor, "many of + the people are as much distinguished from each other in + character as the fishes are in form." + </p> + <p> + "Possibly," interjected her husband, "they are as different + in their faces also, only we are too much of their kind to be + able to read the differences so clearly." + </p> + <p> + "Surely you do not mean," said Vavasor respectfully, "that + any two persons in the concert-room can be as much unlike + each other as that flounder shuddering along the sandy + bottom, and that yard of eel sliding through the water like + an embodied wickedness?" + </p> + <p> + Hester was greatly struck with the poetic tone of the remark. + </p> + <p> + "I think you may find people as different," replied her + father, "if you take into the account the more delicate as + well as the more striking differences—the deeper as + well as the surface diversities. Now you make me think of it, + I begin to doubt whether all these live grotesques may not + have been made to the pattern of different developments of + humanity." + </p> + <p> + "Look at that dog-fish," said Vavasor, pointing to the + largest in the tank. "What a brute! Don't you hate him, Miss + Raymount?" + </p> + <p> + "I am not willing to hate any live thing," answered Hester + with a smile, "—from selfish motives, perhaps; I feel + as if it would be to my own loss, causing me some kind of + irreparable hurt." + </p> + <p> + "But you would kill such a creature as that—would you + not?" he rejoined. + </p> + <p> + "In possible circumstances," she answered; "but killing and + hating have nothing necessarily to do with each other. He + that hates his brother is always a murderer, not always he + that kills him." + </p> + <p> + "This is another sort of girl from any I've met yet!" said + Vavasor to himself. "I wonder what she's really like!" + </p> + <p> + He did not know that what she was really like was just what + he, with all his fancied knowledge of women both in life and + literature, was incapable of seeing—so different was + she in kind from poor-gentleman Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "But just look at the head, eyes and mouth of the fiend!" he + persisted. + </p> + <p> + Hester, forcing herself a little, did regard the animal for + two or three minutes. Then a slight shudder passed through + her, and she turned away her eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I see you've caught the look of him!" said Vavasor. "Is he + not a horror?" + </p> + <p> + "He is. But that was not what made me turn away: I found if I + looked a moment longer I should hate him in spite of myself." + </p> + <p> + "And why shouldn't you hate him? You would be doing the + wretch no wrong. Even if he knew it, it would be only what he + deserved." + </p> + <p> + "That you cannot tell except you knew all about his nature, + and every point of his history from the beginning of the + creation till now. I dare not judge even a dog-fish. And + whatever his deserts, I don't choose to hate him, because I + don't choose to hate." + </p> + <p> + She turned away, and Vavasor saw she wanted no more of the + dog-fish. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" cried Saffy, with a face of terror, "look, look, mamma! + It's staring at me!" + </p> + <p> + The child hid her face in her mother's gown, yet turned + immediately to look again. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount looked also, following her gaze, and was + fascinated by the sight that met his eyes. Through the glass, + high above his head, and not far from the surface, he saw a + huge thornback, bending toward them and seeming to look down + on them, as it flew slowly through the water—the action + of the two sides of its body fringed with fins, and its + consequent motion, were much more like the act of flying than + that of swimming. Behind him floated his long tail, making + him yet more resemble the hideously imagined kite which he at + once suggested. But the terrible thing about him was the + death's-head look of the upper part of him. His white belly + was of course toward them, and his eyes were on the other + side, but there were nostrils that looked exactly like the + empty sockets of eyes, and below them was a hideous mouth. + These made the face that seemed to Saffy to be hovering over + and watching them. + </p> + <p> + "Like an infernal angel of death!" thought Mr. Raymount, but + would not rouse yet more the imagination of the little one by + saying it. Hester gazed with steadfast mien at the floating + spectre. + </p> + <p> + "You seem in no danger from that one," said Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "I don't think I understand you," said Hester. "What danger + can there be from any of them?" + </p> + <p> + "I mean of hating him." + </p> + <p> + "You are right; I do not feel the smallest inclination to + hate him." + </p> + <p> + "Yet the ray is even uglier than the dog-fish." + </p> + <p> + "That may be—I think not—but who hates for + ugliness? I never should. Ugliness only moves my pity." + </p> + <p> + "Then what do you hate for?" asked Vavasor. "—But I beg + your pardon: you never hate! Let me ask then, what is it that + makes you feel as if you might hate?" + </p> + <p> + "If you will look again at the dog-fish, and tell me the + expression of its mouth, I may be able to answer you," she + returned. + </p> + <p> + "I will," said Vavasor; and, betaking himself to a farther + portion of the tank, he stood there watching a little shoal + of those sharks of the northern seas. While he was gone + Cornelius rejoined them. + </p> + <p> + "I wish I knew why God made such ugly creatures," said Saffy + to Mark. + </p> + <p> + The boy gave a curious half-sad smile, without turning his + eyes from the thornback, and said nothing. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know why God made any creatures, pet?" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "No, I don't. Why did he, Hessy?" + </p> + <p> + "I am almost afraid to guess. But if you don't know why he + made any, why should you wonder that he made those?" + </p> + <p> + "Because they are so ugly.—Do tell me why he made + them?" she added coaxingly. + </p> + <p> + "You had better ask mamma." + </p> + <p> + "But, Hessy, I don't like to ask mamma." + </p> + <p> + "Why don't you like to ask mamma, you little goose?" + </p> + <p> + "Because," said Saffy, who was all the time holding her + mother's hand, and knew she was hearing her, "mamma mightn't + know what to say." + </p> + <p> + Hester thought with herself, "I am sometimes afraid to pray + lest I should have no answer!" + </p> + <p> + The mother's face turned down toward her little one. + </p> + <p> + "And what if I shouldn't know what to say, darling?" she + asked. + </p> + <p> + "I feel so awkward when Miss Merton asks me a question I + can't answer," said the child. + </p> + <p> + "And you are afraid of making mamma feel awkward? You pet!" + said Hester. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius burst into a great laugh, and Saffy into silent + tears, for she thought she had made a fool of herself. She + was not a priggish child, and did not deserve the mockery + with which her barbarian brother invaded her little temple. + She was such a true child that her mother was her neighbor, + and present to all her being—not her eyes only or her + brain, but her heart and spirit as well. + </p> + <p> + The mother led her aside to a seat, saying, + </p> + <p> + "Come, darling; we must look into this, and try to understand + it. Let me see—what is it we have got to understand? I + think it is this—why you should be ashamed when you + cannot answer the questions of one who knows so much more + than you, and I should not be ashamed when I cannot answer + the questions of my own little girl who knows so much less + that I do. Is that it?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know," sobbed Saffy. + </p> + <p> + "You shouldn't laugh at her, Corney: it hurts her!" said + Hester. + </p> + <p> + "The little fool! How could that hurt her? It's nothing but + temper!" said Cornelius with vexation. He was not vexed that + he had made her cry, but vexed that she cried. + </p> + <p> + "You should have a little more sympathy with childhood, + Cornelius," said his father. "You used to be angry enough + when you were laughed at." + </p> + <p> + "I was a fool then myself!" answered Cornelius sulkily. + </p> + <p> + He said no more, and his father put the best interpretation + upon his speech. + </p> + <p> + "Do you remember, Hester," he said, "how you were always + ready to cry when I told you I did not know something you had + asked me?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite well, papa," replied Hester; "and I think I could + explain it now. I did not know then why I cried. I think now + it was because it seemed to bring you down nearer to my + level. My heaven of wisdom sank and grew less." + </p> + <p> + "I hope that is not what Saffy is feeling now; your mother + must be telling her she doesn't know why God made the + animals. But no! She is looking up in her face with hers + radiant!" + </p> + <p> + And yet her mother had told her she did not know why God made + the animals! She had at the same time, however, made her own + confessed ignorance a step on which to set the child nearer + to the knowledge of God; for she told her it did not matter + that she did not know, so long as God knew. The child could + see that her mother's ignorance did not trouble her; and also + that she who confessed ignorance was yet in close + communication with him who knew all about everything, and + delighted in making his children understand. + </p> + <p> + And now came Vavasor from his study of the dog-fish. His + nature was a poetic one, though much choked with the weeds of + the conventional and commonplace, and he had seen and felt + something of what Hester intended. But he was not alive + enough to understand hate. He was able to hate and laugh. He + could not feel the danger of hate as Hester, for hate is + death, and it needs life to know death. + </p> + <p> + "He is cruel, and the very incarnation of selfishness," he + said. "I should like to set my heel on him." + </p> + <p> + "If I were to allow myself to hate him," returned Hester, "I + should hate him too much to kill him. I should let him live + on in his ugliness, and hold back my hate lest it should + wither him in the cool water. To let him live would be my + revenge, the worst I should know. I must not look at him, for + it makes me feel as wicked as he looks." + </p> + <p> + She glanced at Vavasor. His eyes were fixed on her. She + turned away uncomfortable: could it be that he was like the + dog-fish? + </p> + <p> + "I declare." said Cornelius, coming between them, "there's no + knowing you girls! Would you believe it, Mr. + Vavasor—that young woman was crying her eyes out last + night over the meanest humbug of a Chadband I ever set mine + on! There ain't one of those fishes comes within sight of him + for ugliness. And she would have it he was to be + pitied—sorrowed over—loved, I suppose!" + </p> + <p> + The last words of his speech he whined out in a lackadaisical + tone. + </p> + <p> + Hester flushed, but said nothing. She was not going to defend + herself before a stranger. She would rather remain + misrepresented—even be misunderstood. But Vavasor had + no such opinion of the brother as to take any notion of the + sister from his mirror. When she turned from Cornelius next, + in which movement lay all the expression she chose to give to + her indignation, he passed behind him to the other side of + Hester, and there stood apparently absorbed in the + contemplation of a huge crustacean. Had Cornelius been + sensitive, he must have felt he was omitted. + </p> + <p> + "Why, can it be?" she said—to herself, but + audibly—after a moment of silence, during which she + also had been apparently absorbed in the contemplation of + some inhabitant of the watery cage. But she had in truth been + thinking of nothing immediately before her eyes, though they + had rested first upon a huge crayfish, balancing himself on + stilts innumerable, then turned to one descending a rocky + incline—just as a Swiss horse descends a stair in a + mountain-path. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, the fellow bristles with <i>whys</i>," said Vavasor, + whose gaze was still fixed on one of them. "Every leg seems + to ask 'Why am I a leg?'" + </p> + <p> + "I should have thought it was asking rather, 'What am I? Am I + a leg or a failure?'" rejoined Hester. "But I was not + thinking of the crayfish. He is odd, but there is no harm in + him. He looks, indeed, highly respectable. See with what a + dignity he fans himself!" + </p> + <p> + "And for the same reason," remarked her father, who had come + up and stood behind them, "as the finest lady at the ball: he + wants more air. I wonder whether the poor fellow knows he is + in a cage?" + </p> + <p> + "I think he does," said Saffy, "else he would run away from + us." + </p> + <p> + "Are you thinking of the dog-fish still?" asked Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + The strangeness, as it seemed to him, of the handsome girl's + absorption, for such it veritably appeared, in questions of + no interest in themselves—so he judged + them—attracted him even more than her beauty, for he + did not like to feel himself unpossessed of the entrée + to such a house. Also he was a writer of society + verses—not so good as they might have been, but in + their way not altogether despicable—and had already + begun to turn it over in his mind whether something might not + be made of—what shall I call it?—the situation? + </p> + <p> + "I <i>was</i> thinking of him," Hester answered, "but only as + a type of the great difficulty—why there should be evil + or ugliness in the world. There must be an answer to it! Is + it possible it should be one we would not like?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't believe there is any answer," said Vavasor. "The + ugly things are ugly just because they are ugly. It is a + child's answer, but not therefore unphilosophical. We must + take things as we find them. We are ourselves just what we + are, and cannot help it. We do this or that because it is in + us. We are made so." + </p> + <p> + "You do not believe in free will, then, Mr. Vavasor?" said + Hester coldly. + </p> + <p> + "I see no ground for believing in it. We are but + forces—bottled up forces—charged Leyden jars. + Every one does just what is in him—acts as he is + capable." + </p> + <p> + He was not given to metaphysics, and, indeed, had few or no + opinions in that department of inquiry; but the odd girl + interested him, and he was ready to meet her on any ground. + He had uttered his own practical unbelief, however, with + considerable accuracy. Hester's eyes flashed angrily. + </p> + <p> + "I say <i>no</i>. Every one is capable of acting better than + he does," she replied; and her face flushed. + </p> + <p> + "Why does he not then?" asked Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, why?" she responded. + </p> + <p> + "How can he be made for it if he does not do it?" insisted + Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "How indeed? That is the puzzle," she answered. "If he were + not capable there would be none." + </p> + <p> + "I should do better, I am sure, if I could," said Vavasor. + Had he known himself, he ought to have added, "without + trouble." + </p> + <p> + "Then you think we are all just like the + dog-fish—except that destiny has made none of us quite + so ugly," rejoined Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Or so selfish," implemented Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "That I can't see," returned Hester. "If we are merely borne + helpless hither and thither on the tide of impulse, we can be + neither more nor less selfish than the dog-fish. We are, in + fact, neither selfish nor unselfish. We are pure nothings, + concerning which speculation is not worth the trouble. But + the very word <i>selfish</i> implies a contrary judgment on + the part of humanity itself." + </p> + <p> + "Then you believe we can make ourselves different from what + we are made?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; we are made with the power to change. We are meant to + take a share in our own making. We are made so and so, it is + true, but not made so and so only; we are made with a power + in ourselves beside—a power that can lay hold on the + original power that made us. We are not made to remain as we + are. We are bound to grow." + </p> + <p> + She spoke rapidly, with glowing eyes, the fire of her + utterance consuming every shadow of the didactic. + </p> + <p> + "You are too much of a philosopher for me, Miss Raymount," + said Vavasor with a smile. "But just answer me one question. + What if a man is too weak to change?" + </p> + <p> + "He must change," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + Then first Vavasor began to feel the conversation getting + quite too serious. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, well!" he said. "But don't you think this is + rather—ah—rather—don't you know?—for + an aquarium?" + </p> + <p> + Hester did not reply. Nothing was too serious for her in any + place. She was indeed a peculiar girl—the more the pity + for the many that made her so! + </p> + <p> + "Let us go and see the octopus," said Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + They went, and Mr. Raymount slowly followed them. He had not + heard the last turn of their conversation. + </p> + <p> + "You two have set me thinking," he said, when he joined them; + "and brought to my mind an observation I had made—how + seldom you find art succeed in representing the hatefully + ugly! The painter can accumulate ugliness, but I do not + remember a demon worth the name. The picture I can best + recall with demons in it is one of Raphael's—a St. + Michael slaying the dragon—from the Purgatorio, I + think, but I am not sure; not one of the demons in that + picture is half so ugly as your dog-fish.—What if it be + necessary that we should have lessons in ugliness?" + </p> + <p> + "But why?" said Hester. "Is not the ugly better let alone? + You have always taught that ugliness is the natural + embodiment of evil!" + </p> + <p> + "Because we have chosen what is bad, and do not know how ugly + it is—that is why," answered her father. + </p> + <p> + "Isn't that rather hard on the fish, though?" said Vavasor. + "How can innocent creatures be an embodiment of evil?" + </p> + <p> + "But what do you mean by <i>innocent</i>?" returned Mr. + Raymount. "The nature of an animal may be low and even + hateful, and its looks correspondent, while no conscience + accuses it of evil. I have known half a dozen cows, in a shed + large enough for a score, and abundantly provisioned, unite + to keep the rest of the herd out of it. Many a man is a far + lower and worse creature in his nature that his conscience + tells him. It is the conscience educated by strife and + failure and success that is severe upon the man, demanding of + him the all but unattainable." + </p> + <p> + Talk worse and worse for an aquarium! But happily they had + now reached the tank of the octopods. + </p> + <p> + Alas, there had been some mismanagement of the pipes, and the + poor devil-fishes had been boiled, or at least heated to + death! One small, wretched, skinny thing, hardly + distinguishable from a discolored clout, was all that was + left of a dozen. Cornelius laughed heartily when informed of + the mischance. + </p> + <p> + "It's a pity it wasn't the devil himself instead of his + fish!" he said. "Wouldn't it be a jolly lark, Mr. Vavasor, if + some of the rascals down below were to heat that furnace too + hot, and rid us of the whole potful at one fell swoop!" + </p> + <p> + "What is that you are saying, Corney?" said his mother, who + had but just rejoined them. + </p> + <p> + "I was only uttering the pious wish that the devil was dead," + answered Cornelius; "—boiled like an octopus! ha! ha! + ha!" + </p> + <p> + "What good would that do?" said his father. "The human devils + would be no better, and the place would soon be re-occupied. + The population of the pit must be kept up by immigration. + There may be babies born in heaven, for any thing I know, but + certain I am there can be none in the other place. This world + of ours is the nursery of devils as well as of saints." + </p> + <p> + "And what becomes of those that are neither?" asked Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "It were hard to say," replied Mr. Raymount with some + seriousness. + </p> + <p> + "A confoundedly peculiar family!" said Vavasor to himself. + "There's a bee in every bonnet of them! An odd, irreverent + way the old fellow has with him—for an old fellow + pretending to believe what he says!" + </p> + <p> + Vavasor was not one of the <i>advanced</i> of the age; he did + not deny there was a God: he thought that the worse form that + it was common in the bank; the fellows he associated with + never took the trouble to deny him; they took their own way, + and asked no questions. When a man has not the slightest + intention that the answer shall influence his conduct, why + should he inquire whether there be a God or not? Vavasor + cared more about the top of his cane than the God whose being + he did not take the trouble to deny. He believed a little + less than the maiden aunt with whom he lived; she believed + less than her mother, and her mother had believed less than + hers; so that for generations the faith, so called, of the + family had been dying down, simply because all that time it + had sent out no fresh root of obedience. It had in truth been + no faith at all, only assent. Miss Vavasor went to church + because it was the right thing to do: God was one of the + heads of society, and his drawing-rooms had to be attended. + Certain objections not altogether unreasonable might be urged + against doing so: several fictions were more or less + countenanced in them—such as equality, love of your + neighbor, and forgiveness of your enemy, but then nobody + really heeded them: religion had worked its way up to a + respectable position, and no longer required the support of + the unwashed—that is, those outside the circle whose + center is May-fair. As to her personal religion, why, God had + heard her prayers, and might again: he did show favor + occasionally. That she should come out of it all as well as + other people when this life of family and incomes and + match-making was over, she saw no reason to doubt. Ranters + and canters might talk as they pleased, but God knew better + than make the existence of thoroughly respectable people + quite unendurable! She was kind-hearted, and treated her maid + like an equal up to the moment of offense—then like a + dog of the east up to that of atonement. She had the power of + keeping her temper even in family differences, and hence was + regarded as a very model of wisdom, prudence and <i>tact</i>, + the last far the first in the consideration of her judges. + The young of her acquaintance fled to her for help in need, + and she gave them no hard words, but generally more counsel + than comfort—always, however, the best she had, which + was of Polonius' kind, an essence of wise selfishness, so far + as selfishness can be wise, with a strong dash of + self-respect, nowise the more sparing that it was independent + of desert. The good man would find it rather difficult to + respect himself were he to try; his gaze is upward to the one + good; but had it been possible for such a distinction to + enter Miss Vavasor's house, it would have been only to be + straightway dismissed. She was devoted to her nephew, as she + counted devotion, but would see that he made a correspondent + return. + </p> + <p> + When Vavasor reached their encampment in the Imperial Hotel, + he went to his own room, got out his Russia-leather + despatch-box, half-filled with songs and occasional verses, + which he never travelled without, and set himself to see what + he could do with the dog-fish—in what kind of poetic + jelly, that is, he could enclose his shark-like mouth and + evil look. But prejudiced as he always was in favor of + whatever issued from his own brain—as yet nothing had + come from his heart—he was anything but satisfied with + the result of his endeavor. It was, in fact, an utter failure + so far as the dog-fish was concerned, for he was there + unnamed, a mere indistinguishable presence among many + monsters. But notwithstanding the gravity of this defect, and + the distance between his idea and its outcome, he yet + concluded the homage to Hester which it embodied of a value + to justify the presentation of the verses. And poor as they + were they were nearly as good as anything he had done + hitherto. Here they are: + </p> + <pre> + To H.R. + + Lo, Beauty climbs the watery steep, + Sets foot on many a slimy stair; + Treads on the monsters of the deep, + And rising seeks the earth and air. + + On every form she sets her foot, + She lifts it straight and passes on; + With flowers and trees she takes no root, + This, that caresses, and is gone. + + Imperfect, poorly lovely things + On all sides round she sighing sees; + She flies, nor for her flying wings + Finds any refuge, rest, or ease! + + At last, at last, on Burcliff's shore, + She spies a thoughtful wanderer; + She speeds—she lights for evermore, + Incorporated, one with her! +</pre> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch07"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER VII. + </h2> + <h3> + AMY AMBER. + </h3> + <p> + Some gentle crisis must have arrived in the history of + Hester, for in these days her heart was more sensitive and + more sympathetic than ever before. The circumvolant troubles + of humanity caught upon it as it it had been a thorn-bush, + and hung there. It was not greatly troubled, neither was its + air murky, but its very repose was like a mother's sleep + which is no obstacle between the cries of her children and + her sheltering soul: it was ready to wake at every moan of + the human sea around her. Unlike most women, she had not + needed marriage and motherhood to open the great gate of her + heart to her kind: I do not mean there are not many like her + in this. Why the tide of human affection should have begun to + rise so rapidly in her just at this time, there is no need + for conjecturing: much of every history must for the long + present remain inexplicable. No man creates his history any + more than he creates himself; he only modifies + it—sometimes awfully; gathers to him swift help, or + makes intervention necessary. But the tide of which I speak + flowed yet more swiftly from the night of the magic lantern. + That experience had been as a mirror in which she saw the + misery of the low of her kind, including, alas! her brother + Cornelius. He had never before so plainly revealed to her his + heartlessness, and the painful consequence of the revelation + was, that now, with all her swelling love for human beings, + she felt her heart shrink from him as if he were of another + nature. She could never indeed have loved him as she did but + that, being several years his elder, she had had a good deal + to do with him as baby and child: the infant motherhood of + her heart had gathered about him, and not an eternity of + difference could after that destroy the relation between + them. But as he grew up, the boy had undermined and weakened + her affection, though hardly her devotion; and now the youth + had given it a rude shock. So far was she, however, from + yielding to this decay of feeling that it did not merely + cause her much pain but gave rise in her to much useless + endeavor; while every day she grew more anxious and careful + to carry herself toward him as a sister ought. + </p> + <p> + The Raymounts could not afford one of the best lodgings in + Burcliff, and were well contented with a floor in an old + house in an unfashionable part of the town, looking across + the red roofs of the port, and out over the flocks of + Neptune's white sheep on the blue-gray German ocean. It was + kept by two old maids whose hearts had got flattened under + the pressure of poverty—no, I am wrong, it was not + poverty, but <i>care</i>; pure poverty never flattened any + heart; it is the care which poverty is supposed to justify + that does the mischief; it gets inside it and burrows, as + well as lies on the top of it; of mere outside poverty a + heart can bear a mountainous weight without the smallest + injury, yea with inestimable result of the only riches. Our + Lord never mentions poverty as one of the obstructions to his + kingdom, neither has it ever proved such; riches, cares and + desires he does mention. The sisters Witherspin had never yet + suffered from the lack of a single necessary; not the less + they frayed their mornings, wore out their afternoons, + scorched their evenings, and consumed their nights, in + scraping together provision for an old age they were destined + never to see. They were a small meager pair, with hardly a + smile between them. One waited and the other cooked. The one + that waited had generally her chin tied up with a silk + handkerchief, as if she had come to life again, but not + quite, and could not do without the handkerchief. The other + was rarely seen, but her existence was all day testified by + the odors that ascended from the Tartarus of her + ever-recurrent labors. It was a marvel how from a region of + such fumes could ascend the good dinners she provided. The + poor things of course had their weight on the mind of Hester, + for, had they tried, they could not have hidden the fact that + they lived to save: every movement almost, and certainly + every tone betrayed it. And yet, unlike so many lodging-house + keepers, resembling more the lion-ant than any other of the + symbolic world of insects, they were strictly honest. Had + they not been, I doubt if Hester would have been able, though + they would then have needed more, to give them so much pity + as she did, for she had a great scorn of dishonesty. Her + heart, which was full of compassion for the yielding, the + weak, the erring, was not yet able to spend much on the + actively vicious—the dishonest and lying and + traitorous. The honor she paid the honesty of these women + helped her much to pity the sunlessness of their existence, + and the poor end for which they lived. It looked as if God + had forgotten them—toiling for so little all day long, + while the fact was they forgot God, and were thus miserable + and oppressed because they would not have him interfere as he + would so gladly have done. Instead of seeking the kingdom of + heaven, and trusting him for old age while they did their + work with their might, they exhausted their spiritual + resources in sending out armies of ravens with hardly a dove + among them, to find and secure a future still submerged in + the waves of a friendly deluge. Nor was Hester's own faith in + God so vital yet as to propagate itself by division in the + minds she came in contact with. She could only be sorry for + them and kind to them. + </p> + <p> + The morning after the visit to the aquarium, woeful Miss + Witherspin, as Mark had epitheted her, entered to remove the + ruins of breakfast with a more sad and injured expression of + countenance than usual. It was a glorious day, and she was + like a live shadow in the sunshine. Most of the Raymounts + were already in the open air, and Hester was the only one in + the room. The small, round-shouldered, cadaverous creature + went moving about the table with a motion that suggested bed + as fitter than labor, though she was strong enough to get + through her work without more than occasional suffering: if + she could only have left pitying herself and let God love her + she would have got on well enough. Hester, who had her own + share of the same kind of fault, was rather moodily trimming + her mother's bonnet with a new ribbon, glancing up from which + she at once perceived that something in particular must have + exceeded in wrongness the general wrongness of things in the + poor little gnome's world. Her appearance was usually that of + one with a headache; her expression this morning suggested a + mild indeed but all-pervading toothache. + </p> + <p> + "Is anything the matter, Miss Witherspin?" asked Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Indeed, miss, there never come nothing to sister and me but + it's matter, and now it's a sore matter. But it's the Lord's + will and we can't help it; and what are we here for but to + have patience? That's what I keep saying to my sister, but it + don't seem to do her much good." + </p> + <p> + She ended with a great sigh; and Hester thought if the unseen + sister required the comfort of the one before her, whose + evangel just uttered was as gloomy as herself, how very + unhappy she must be. + </p> + <p> + "No doubt we are here to learn patience," said Hester; "but I + can hardly think patience is what we are made for. Is there + any fresh trouble—if you will excuse me?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, I don't know, miss, as trouble can anyhow be called + fresh—leastways to us it's stale enough; we're that + sick of it! I declare to you, miss, I'm clean worn out with + havin' patience! An' now there's my sister gone after her + husband an' left her girl, brought up in her own way an' + every other luxury, an' there she's come on our hands, an' us + to take the charge of her! It's a responsibility will be the + death of me." + </p> + <p> + "Is there no provision for her?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, there's provision! Her mother kep a shop for fancy + goods at Keswick—after John's death, that is—an' + scraped together a good bit o' money, they do say; but that's + under trustees—not a penny to be touched till the girl + come of age!" + </p> + <p> + "But the trustees must make you a proper allowance for + bringing her up! And anyhow you can refuse the charge." + </p> + <p> + "No, miss, that we can't. It was always John's wish when he + lay a dyin', that if anything was to happen to Sarah, the + child should come to us. It's the trouble of the young thing, + the responsibility—havin' to keep your eyes upon her + every blessed moment for fear she do the thing she ought not + to—that's what weighs upon me. Oh, yes, they'll pay so + much a quarter for her! it's not that. But to be always at + the heels of a young, sly puss after mischief—it's + more'n I'm equal to, I do assure you, Miss Raymount." + </p> + <p> + "When did you see her last?" inquired Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Not once have I set eyes on her since she was three years + old!" answered Miss Witherspin, and her tone seemed to imply + in the fact yet additional wrong. + </p> + <p> + "Then perhaps she may be wiser by this time," Hester + suggested. "How old is she now?" + </p> + <p> + "Sixteen out. It's awful to think of!" + </p> + <p> + "But how do you know she will be so troublesome? She mayn't + want the looking after you dread. You haven't seen her for + thirteen years!" + </p> + <p> + "I'm sure of it. I know the breed, miss! She's took after her + mother, you may take your mortal oath! The sly way she got + round our John!—an' all to take him right away from his + own family as bore and bred him! You wouldn't believe it, + miss!" + </p> + <p> + "Girls are not always like their mothers," said Hester. "I'm + not half as good as my mother." + </p> + <p> + "Bless you, miss! if she ain't half as bad as hers—the + Lord have mercy upon us! How I'm to attend to my lodgers and + look after her, it's more than I know how to think of it with + patience." + </p> + <p> + "When is she coming?" + </p> + <p> + "She'll be here this blessed day as I'm speakin' to you, + miss!" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps, your house being full, you may find her a help + instead of a trouble. It won't be as if she had nothing to + employ her!" + </p> + <p> + "There's no good to mortal creature i' the bones or blood of + her!" sighed Miss Witherspin, as she put the tablecloth on + the top of the breakfast-things. + </p> + <p> + That blessed day the girl did arrive—sprang into the + house like a rather loud sunbeam—loud for a sunbeam, + not for a young woman of sixteen. She was small, and bright, + and gay, with large black eyes which sparkled like little + ones as well as gleamed like great ones, and a miniature + Greek face, containing a neat nose and a mouth the most + changeable ever seen—now a mere negation in red, and + now long enough for sorrow to couch on at her ease—only + there was no sorrow near it, nor in its motions and changes + much of any other expression than mere life. Her hair was a + dead brown, mistakable for black, with a burnt quality in it, + and so curly, in parts so obstinately crinkly, as to suggest + wool—and negro blood from some far fount of tropic + ardor. Her figure was, if not essentially graceful yet + thoroughly symmetrical, and her head, hands and feet were + small and well-shaped. Almost brought up in her mother's + shop, one much haunted by holiday-makers in the town, she had + as little shyness as forwardness, being at once fearless and + modest, gentle and merry, noiseless and swift—a + pleasure to eyes, nerves and mind. The sudden apparition of + her in a rose-bud print, to wait upon the Raymounts the next + morning at breakfast, startled them all with a sweet + surprise. Every time she left the room the talk about her + broke out afresh, and Hester's information concerning her was + a welcome sop to the Cerberus of their astonishment. A more + striking contrast than that between her and her two aunts + could hardly have been found in the whole island. She was + like a star between two gray clouds of twilight. But she had + not so much share in her own cheerfulness as her poor aunts + had in their misery. She so lived because she was so made. + She was a joy to others as well as to herself, but as yet she + had no merit in her own peace or its rippling gladness. So + strong was the life in her that, although she cried every + night over the loss of her mother, she was fresh as a daisy + in the morning, opening like that to the sun of life, and + ready not merely to give smile for smile, but to give smile + for frown. In a word she was one of those lovely natures that + need but to recognize the eternal to fly to it straight; but + on the other hand such natures are in general very hard to + wake to a recognition of the unseen. They assent to every + thing good, but for a long time seem unaware of the need of a + perfect Father. To have their minds opened to the truth, they + must suffer like other mortals less amiable. Suffering alone + can develop in such any spiritual insight, or cause them to + care that there should be a live God caring about them. + </p> + <p> + She was soon a favorite with every one of the family. Mrs. + Raymount often talked to her. And on her side Amy Amber, + which name, being neither crisp nor sparkling, but soft and + mellow, did not seem quite to suit her, was so much drawn to + Hester that she never lost an opportunity of waiting on her, + and never once missed going to her room, to see if she wanted + anything, last of all before she went to bed. The only one of + the family that professed not to "think much of her," was the + contemptuous Cornelius. Even Vavasor, who soon became a + frequent caller, if he chanced to utter some admiring word + concerning the pretty deft creature that had just flitted + from the room like a dark butterfly, would not in reply draw + from him more than a grunt and a half sneer. Yet now and then + he might have been caught glowering at her, and would + sometimes, seemingly in spite of himself, smile on her sudden + appearance. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch08"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER VIII. + </h2> + <h3> + CORNELIUS AND VAVASOR. + </h3> + <p> + From what I have written of him it may well seem as if such a + cub were hardly worth writing about; but if my reader had + chanced to meet him first in other company than that of his + own family, on every one of whom he looked down with a + contempt which although slight was not altogether mild, he + would have taken him for at least an agreeable young man. He + would then have perceived little or nothing of the look of + doggedness and opposition he wore at home; that would have + been, all unconsciously, masked in a just unblown smile of + general complaisance, ready to burst into full blossom for + anyone who should address him; while the rubbish he would + then talk to ladies had a certain grace about it—such + as absolutely astonished Hester once she happened to overhear + some of it, and set her wondering how the phenomenon was to + be accounted for of the home-cactus blossoming into such a + sweet company-flower—wondering also which was the real + Cornelius, he of the seamy side turned always to his own + people, or he of the silken flowers and arabesques presented + to strangers. Analysis of anything he said would have + certified little or nothing in it; but that little or nothing + was pleasantly uttered, and served perhaps as well as + something cleverer to pass a faint electric flash between + common mind and mind. The slouch, the hands-in-pocket mood, + the toe-and-heel oscillation upon the hearth-rug—those + flying signals that self was at home to nobody but himself, + had for the time vanished; desire to please had tied up the + black dog in his kennel, and let the white one out. By + keeping close in the protective shadow of the fashion, he + always managed to be well-dressed. Ever since he went to the + same tailor as Vavasor his coats had been irreproachable; and + why should not any youth pay just twice as much for his coats + as his father does for his? His shirt-studs were simplicity + itself—single pearls; and he was very particular about + both the quantity and the quality of the linen showing beyond + his coat-cuffs. Altogether he was nicely got up and pleasant + to look upon. Stupid as the conventional European dress is, + its trimness and clear contrast of white and black tends to + level up all to the appearance of gentlemen, and I suspect + this may be the real cause of its popularity. + </p> + <p> + But I beg my reader to reflect before he sets Cornelius down + as an exceptionally disagreeable young man because of the + difference between his behavior at home and abroad. I admit + that his was a bad case, but in how many a family, the + members of which are far from despising each other, does it + not seem judged unnecessary to cultivate courtesy! Surely + this could not be if a tender conscience of the persons and + spiritual rights of others were not wanting. If there be any + real significance in politeness, if it be not a mere empty + and therefore altogether hypocritical congeries of customs, + it ought to have its birth, cultivation and chief exercise at + home. Of course there are the manners suitable to strangers + and those suitable to intimates, but politeness is the one + essential of both. I would not let the smallest child stroke + his father's beard roughly. Watch a child and when he begins + to grow rough you will see an evil spirit looking out of his + eyes. It is a mean and bad thing to be ungentle with our own. + Politeness is either a true face or a mask. If worn at one + place and not at another, which of them is it? And there were + no mask if there ought not to be a face. Neither is + politeness at all inconsistent with thorough familiarity. I + will go farther and say, that no true, or certainly no + profound familiarity is attainable without it. The soul will + not come forth to be roughly used. And where truth reigns + familiarity only makes the manners strike deeper root in the + being, and take a larger share in its regeneration. + </p> + <p> + Amongst the other small gifts over which Cornelius was too + tender to exhibit them at home, was a certain very small one + of song. How he had developed it would have been to the + home-circle a mystery, but they did not even know that he + possessed it, and the thought that they did not was a + pleasant one to him. For all his life he had loved vulgar + mystery—mystery, that is, without any mystery in it + except what appearance of it may come of barren concealment. + He never came out with anything at home as to where he had + been or what he was going to do or had done. And he gloried + specially in the thought that he could and did this or that + of which neither the governor, the mater, nor Hester knew his + capability. He felt large and powerful and wise in + consequence! and if he was only the more of a fool, what did + it matter so long as he did not know it? Rather let me ask + what better was he, either for the accomplishment or the + concealment of it, so long as it did nothing to uncover to + him the one important fact, that its possessor was neither + more nor less than a fool? + </p> + <p> + He had been now some eighteen months in the bank, and from + the first Mr. Vavasor, himself not the profoundest of men, + had been taken with the easy manners of the youth combined + with his evident worship of himself, and having no small + proclivity towards patronage, had allowed the aspirant to his + favor to enter by degrees its charmed circle. Gathering a + certain liking for him, he began to make him an occasional + companion for the evening, and at length would sometimes take + him home with him. There Cornelius at once laid himself out + to please Miss Vavasor, and flattery went a long way with + that lady, because she had begun to suspect herself no longer + young or beautiful. Her house was a dingy little hut in + Mayfair, full of worthless pictures and fine old-fashioned + furniture. Any piece of this she would for a long time gladly + have exchanged for a new one in the fashion, but as soon as + she found such things themselves the fashion, her + appreciation of them rose to such fervor that she professed + an unchangeable preference for them over things of any modern + style whatever. Cornelius soon learned what he must admire + and what despise if he would be in tune with Miss Vavasor, to + the false importance of being one of whose courtiers he was + so much alive that he counted it one of the most precious of + his secrets; none of his family had heard of Mr. Vavasor + even, before the encounter at the aquarium. + </p> + <p> + From Miss Vavasor's Cornelius had been invited to several + other houses, and the consequence was that he looked from an + ever growing height upon his own people, judging not one of + them fit for the grand company to which his merits, + unappreciated at home, had introduced him. He began to take + private lessons in dancing and singing, and as he possessed a + certain natural grace, invisible when he was out of humor, + but always appearing when he wanted to please, and a certain + facility of imitation as well, he was soon able to dance + excellently, and sing with more or less dullness a few songs + of the sort fashionable at the time. But he took so little + delight in music or singing for its own sake that in any + allusion to his sister's practicing he would call it <i>an + infernal row</i>. + </p> + <p> + He was not a little astonished, was perhaps a little annoyed + at the impression made by his family in general, and Hester + in particular, upon one in whose judgment he had placed + unquestioning confidence. Nor did he conceal from Vavasor his + dissent from his opinion of them, for he felt that his + friend's admiration gave him an advantage—not as member + of such a family, but as the pooh-pooher of what his friend + admired. For did not his superiority to the admiration to + which his friend yielded, stamp him in that one thing at + least the superior of him who was his superior in so many + other things? To be able to look down where he looked + up—what was it but superiority? + </p> + <p> + "My mother's the best of the lot," he said: "—she's the + best woman in the world, I do believe; but she's nobody + except at home—don't you know? Look at her and your + aunt together! Pooh! Because she's my mother, that's no + reason why I should think royalty of her!" + </p> + <p> + "What a cub it is!" said Vavasor to himself, almost using a + worse epithet of the same number of letters, and straightway + read him a lecture, well meant and shallow, on what was good + form in a woman. According to him, not the cub's mother only, + but Hester also possessed the qualities that went to the + composition of this strange virtue in eminent degrees. + Cornelius continued his opposition, but modified it, for he + could not help feeling flattered, and began to think a little + more of his mother and of Hester too. + </p> + <p> + "She's a very good girl—of her sort—is Hester," + he said; "I don't require to be taught that, Mr. Vavasor. But + she's too awfully serious. She's in such earnest about + everything—you haven't an idea! One half-hour of her in + one of her moods is enough to destroy a poor beggar's peace + of mind for ever. And there's no saying when the fit may take + her." + </p> + <p> + Vavasor laughed. But he said to himself "there was stuff in + her: what a woman might be made of her!" To him she seemed + fit—with a little developing aid—to grace the + best society in the world. It was not polish she needed but + experience and insight, thought Vavasor, who would have her + learn to look on the world and its affairs as they saw them + who by long practice had disqualified themselves for seeing + them in any other than the artificial light of fashion. Thus + early did Vavasor conceive the ambition of having a hand in + the worldly education of this young woman, such a hand that + by his means she should come to shine as she deserved in the + only circle in which he thought shining worth any one's + while; his reward should be to see her so shine. Through his + aunt he could gain her entrance where he pleased. In relation + to her and her people he seemed to himself a man of power and + influence. + </p> + <p> + I wonder how Jesus Christ would carry himself in Mayfair. + Perhaps he would not enter it. Perhaps he would only call to + his own to come out of it, and turn away to go down among the + money-lenders and sinners of the east end. I am only + wondering. + </p> + <p> + Hester took to Vavasor from the first, in an external, + meet-and-part sort of fashion. His bearing was so dignified + yet his manner so pleasing, that she, whose instinct was a + little repellent, showed him nothing of that phase of her + nature. He roused none of that inclination to oppose which + poor foolish Corney always roused in her. He could talk well + about music and pictures and novels and plays, and she not + only let him talk freely, but was inclined to put a favorable + interpretation upon things he said which she did not + altogether like, trying to see only humor where another might + have found heartlessness or cynicism. For Vavasor, being in + his own eyes the model of an honorable and well-behaved + gentleman, had of course only the world's way of regarding + and judging things. Had he been a man of fortune he would + have given to charities with some freedom; but, his salary + being very moderate, and his aunt just a little stingy as he + thought, he would not have denied himself the smallest luxury + his means could compass, for the highest betterment of a + human soul. He would give a half-worn pair of gloves to a + poor woman in the street, but not the price of the new pair + he was on his way to buy to get her a pair of shoes. + </p> + <p> + It would have enlightened Hester a little about him to watch + him for half an hour where he stood behind the counter of the + bank: there he was the least courteous of proverbially + discourteous bank-clerks, whose manners are about of the same + breed with those of hotel-clerks in America. It ought to be + mentioned, however, that he treated those of his own social + position in precisely the same way as less distinguished + callers. But he never forgot to take up his manners with his + umbrella as he left the bank, and his airy, cheerful way of + talking, which was more natural to him than his rudeness, + coming from the same source that afforded the rimes he + delighted in, sparkling pleasantly against the more somber + texture of Hester's consciousness. She suspected he was no + profound, but that was no reason why she should not be + pleasant to him, and allow him to be pleasant to her. So by + the time Vavasor had spent three evenings with the Raymounts, + Hester and he were on a standing of external intimacy, if + there be such a relation. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch09"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER IX. + </h2> + <h3> + SONGS AND SINGERS. + </h3> + <p> + The evening before the return of Cornelius to London and the + durance vile of the bank, Vavasor presented himself at the + hour of family-tea. Mr. Raymount's work admitting of no late + dinner, the evening of the rest of the family was the freer. + They occupied a tolerably large drawing-room, and as they had + hired for the time a tolerably good piano, to it, when tea + was over, Hester generally betook herself. But this time + Cornelius, walking up to it with his hands in his pockets, + dropped on the piano-stool as if he had taken a fancy to it + for a seat, and began to let his hands run over the keys as + if to give the idea he could play if he would. Amy Amber was + taking away the tea-things and the rest were here and there + about the room, Mr. Raymount and Vavasor talking on the + hearth-rug—for a moment ere the former withdrew to his + study. + </p> + <p> + "What a rose-diamond you have to wait on you, Mr. Raymount!" + said Vavasor. "If I were a painter I would have her sit to + me." + </p> + <p> + "And ruin the poor thing for any life-sitting!" remarked Mr. + Raymount rather gruffly, for he found that the easier way of + speaking the truth. He had thus gained a character for + uncompromising severity, whereas it was but that a certain + sort of cowardice made him creep into spiky armor. He was a + good man, who saw some truths clearly, and used them + blunderingly. + </p> + <p> + "I don't see why that should follow," said Vavasor, in a + softly drawling tone, the very reverse of his host's. Its + calmness gave the impression of a wisdom behind it that had + no existence. "If the girl is handsome, why shouldn't she + derive some advantage from it—and the rest of the world + as well?" + </p> + <p> + "Because, I say, she at least would derive only ruin. She + would immediately assume to herself the credit of what was + offered only to her beauty. It takes a lifetime, Mr. Vavasor, + to learn where to pay our taxes. If the penny with the image + and superscription of Caesar has to be paid to Caesar, where + has a face and figure like that of Amy Amber to be paid?" + </p> + <p> + Vavasor did not reply: Mr. Raymount's utterance may perhaps + seem obscure to a better thinker. He concluded merely that + his host was talking for talk's sake, so talking rubbish. The + girl came in again, and the conversation dropped. Mr. + Raymount went to his writing, Vavasor toward the piano. + Willing to please Cornelius, whom he almost regarded with a + little respect now that he had turned out brother to such a + sister. + </p> + <p> + "Sing the song you gave us the other night at our house," he + said carelessly. + </p> + <p> + Hester could hardly credit her hearing. Still more astonished + was she when Cornelius actually struck a few chords and began + to sing. The song was one of those common drawing-room ones + more like the remnants of a trifle the day after a party than + any other dish for human use. But there was one mercy in it: + the words and the music went together in a perfect concord of + weak worthlessness; and Hester had not to listen, with the + miserable feeling that rude hands were pulling at the modest + garments of her soul, to a true poem set to the music of a + scrannel pipe of wretched straw, whose every tone and phrase + choked the divine bird caged in the verse. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius sang like a would-be singer, a song written by a + would-be poet, and set by a would-be musician. Verve was + there none in the whole ephemeral embodiment. When it died a + natural death, if that be possible where never had been any + life, Vavasor said, "Thank you, Raymount." But Hester, who + had been standing with her teeth clenched under the fiery + rain of discords, wrong notes, and dislocated rhythm, rushed + to the piano with glowing cheeks and tear-filled eyes, and + pushed Cornelius off the stool. The poor weak fellow thought + she was acting the sentimental over the sudden outburst of + his unsuspected talent, and recovering himself stood smiling + at her with affected protest. + </p> + <p> + "Corney!" she cried—and the faces of the two were a + contrast worth seeing—"you disgrace yourself! any one + who can sing at all should be ashamed to sing no better than + that!" + </p> + <p> + Then feeling that she ought not to be thus carried away, or + quench with such a fierce lack of sympathy the smoking flax + of any endowment, she threw her arms round his neck and + kissed him. He received her embrace like the bear he was; the + sole recognition he showed was a comically appealing look to + Vavasor intended to say, "You see how the women use me! They + trouble me, but I submit!" + </p> + <p> + "You naughty boy!" Hester went on, much excited, and speaking + with great rapidity, "you never let me suspect you could sing + any more than a frog—toad, I mean, for a frog does sing + after his own rather monotonous fashion, and you don't sing + much better! Listen to me, and I will show you how the song + ought to have been sung. It's not worth a straw, and it's a + shame to sing it, but if it be sung at all, it might as well + be sung as well as it might!" + </p> + <p> + So saying she seated herself at the piano. + </p> + <p> + This convulsion was in Hester's being a phenomenon altogether + new, for never before had she been beside herself in the + presence of another. + </p> + <p> + She gazed for a moment at the song on the rest before her, + then summoned as with a command the chords which Corney had + seemed to pick up from among his feet, and began. The affect + of her singing upon the song was as if the few poor shivering + plants in the garden of March had every one blossomed at + once. The words and music both were in truth as worthless as + she had said; but they were words, and it was music, and + words have always some meaning, and tones have always some + sweetness; all the meaning and all the sweetness in the song + Hester laid hold of, drew out, made the best of; while all + the feeble element of the dramatic in it she forced, giving + it an expression far beyond what could have been in the mind + of the writer capable of such inadequate utterance—with + the result that it was a different song altogether from that + which Cornelius had sung. She gave the song such a second + birth, indeed, that a tolerable judge might have taken it, so + hearing it for the first time, for what it was not—a + song with some existence of its own, some distinction from a + thousand other wax flowers dipped in sugar-water for the + humming-birds of society. The moment she ended, she rose + ashamed, and going to the window looked out over the + darkening sea. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor had not heard her sing before. He did not even know + she cared for music; for Hester, who did not regard her + faculty as an accomplishment but as a gift, treated it as a + treasure to be hidden for the day of the Lord rather than a + flag to be flaunted in a civic procession—was jealously + shy over it, as a thing it would be profanation to show to + any but loving eyes. To utter herself in song to any but the + right persons, except indeed it was for some further and + higher end justifying the sacrifice, appeared to her a kind + of immodesty, a taking of her heart from its case, and + holding it out at arm's length. He was astonished and yet + more delighted. He was in the presence of a power! But all he + knew of power was in society-relations. It was not a spirit + of might he recognized, for the opening of minds and the + strengthening of hearts, but an influence of pleasing for + self-aggrandizement. Feeling it upon himself, he thought of + it in its operation upon others, and was filled with a + respect rising almost to the height of what reverence he was + capable of. He followed her swiftly to the window, and + through the gathering shadows of the evening she saw his eyes + shine as he addressed her. + </p> + <p> + "I hardly know what I am about, Miss Raymount," he said, + "except that I hear my own voice daring to address the finest + non-professional singer I have ever yet heard." + </p> + <p> + Hester, to her own disgust and annoyance, felt her head give + itself a toss she had never intended; but it was a true toss + nevertheless, for she neither liked having attracted his + admiration by such a song, nor the stress he laid on the word + <i>non-professional</i>: did it not imply that she was not + songstress enough for the profession of song? + </p> + <p> + "Excuse me, Mr. Vavasor, but how do you know I am not a + professional singer?" she said with some haughtiness. + </p> + <p> + "Had you been," answered Vavasor with concealed caution, "I + should have learned the fact from your brother." + </p> + <p> + "Have you learned from him that I could sing at all?" + </p> + <p> + "To confess the strange truth, he never told me you were + musical." + </p> + <p> + "Very well?" + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon." + </p> + <p> + "I mean, how then do you know I am not a professional + singer?" + </p> + <p> + "All London would have known it." + </p> + <p> + This second reply, better conceived, soothed Hester's + vanity—of which she had more than was good for her, + seeing the least speck of it in the noblest is a fly in the + cream. + </p> + <p> + "What would you say," she rejoined, "if Corney were to tell + to you that the reason of his silence was that, while I was + in training, we judged it more prudent, with possible failure + ahead, to be silent?" + </p> + <p> + "I should say you cherished a grand ambition, and one in + which you could not fail of success," replied Vavasor, who + began to think she was leading him gently to the truth. + </p> + <p> + But Hester was in a wayward mood, and inclined to + <i>prospect</i>. + </p> + <p> + "Suppose such was not really Corney's reason," she resumed, + "but that he thought it degraded him to be the brother of an + intended professional—what would you say to that?" + </p> + <p> + "I should tell him he was a fool. He cannot know his Burke," + he added laughingly, "to be ignorant of the not + inconsiderable proportion of professional blood mixed with + the blue in our country." + </p> + <p> + It was not in Vavasor's usual taste: he had forgotten his + best manners. But in truth he never had any best manners: + comparatively few have anything but second-best, as the court + of the universe will one day reveal. Hester did not like the + remark, and he fancied from her look she had misunderstood + him. + </p> + <p> + "Many a singer and actress too has married a duke or a + marquis," he supplemented in explanation. + </p> + <p> + "What sort of a duke or marquis?" asked Hester, in a + studiedly wooden way. "It was the more shame to them," she + added. + </p> + <p> + "Pardon me. I cannot allow that it would be any shame to the + best of our nobility—" + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon—I meant to the professionals," + interrupted Hester. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor was posed. To her other eccentricities it seemed Miss + Raymount added radicalism—and that not of the palest + pink! But happily for him, Cornelius, who had been all the + time making noises on the piano, at this point appeared at + the window. + </p> + <p> + "Come, Hetty," he said, "sing that again. I shall sing it + ever so much better after! Come, I will play the + accompaniment." + </p> + <p> + "It's not worth singing. It would choke me—poor, vapid, + vulgar thing!" + </p> + <p> + "Hullo, sis!" cried Cornelius; "it's hardly civil to use such + words about any song a fellow cares to sing!" + </p> + <p> + Hester's sole answer was a smile, in which, and I am afraid + it was really there, Vavasor read contempt, and liked her + none the worse for it. Cornelius turned in offense, went back + to the piano, and sang the song again—not one hair + better—in just the same nerveless, indifferent fashion + as before; for how shall one who has no soul, put soul into a + song? + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Raymount was sitting at the fireside with her + embroidery. She had not spoken since tea, but now she called + Hester, and said to her quietly— + </p> + <p> + "Don't provoke him, Hester. I am more than delighted to find + he has begun to take an interest in music. It is a taste that + will grow upon him. Coax him to let you teach him—and + bear with him if he should sing out of tune.—It is + nothing wicked!" she added with a mother-smile. + </p> + <p> + Hester was silent. Her conscience rebuked her more than her + heart. She went up to him and said— + </p> + <p> + "Corney, dear, let me find you a song worth singing." + </p> + <p> + "A girl can't choose for a man. You're sure to fix on some + sentimental stuff or other not fit to sing!" + </p> + <p> + "My goodness, Corney!" cried Hester, "what do you call the + song you've just been singing?" + </p> + <pre> + In the days when my heart was aching + Like the shell of an overtuned lyre. +</pre> + <p> + "Ha! ha! ha!" + </p> + <p> + She laughed prettily, not scornfully, then striking an + attitude of the mock heroic, added, on the spur of the + moment— + </p> + <pre> + "And the oven was burning, not baking, + The tarts of my soul's desire!" +</pre> + <p> + —for at the moment one of those fumes the kitchen was + constantly firing at the drawing-room, came storming up as if + a door had been suddenly opened in yet lower regions. + Cornelius was too much offended and self-occupied to be + amused, but both Mrs. Raymount and Vavasor laughed, the + latter recognizing in Hester's extemporization a vein similar + to his own. But Hester was already searching, and presently + found a song to her mind—one, that was, fit for + Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + "Come now, Corney," she said; "here is a song I should like + you to be able to sing!" + </p> + <p> + With that she turned to the keys, and sang a spirited ballad, + of which the following was the first stanza: + </p> + <pre> + This blow is for my brother: + You lied away his life; + This for his weeping mother, + This for your own sweet wife; + For you told that lie of another + To pierce her heart with its knife. +</pre> + <p> + And now indeed the singer was manifest; genius was plainly + the soul of her art, and her art the obedient body to the + informing genius. Vavasor was utterly enchanted, but too + world-eaten to recognize the soul she almost waked in him for + any other than the old one. Her mother thought she had never + heard her sing so splendidly before. + </p> + <p> + The ballad was of a battle between two knights, a good and a + bad—something like Browning's <i>Count Gismond</i>: the + last two lines of it were— + </p> + <pre> + So the lie went up in the face of heaven + And melted in the sun. +</pre> + <p> + When Hester had sung these, she rose at once, her face white, + her mouth set and her eyes gleaming. Vavasor felt + <i>almost</i> as if he were no longer master of himself, + <i>almost</i> as if he would have fallen down to kiss the hem + of her garment, had he but dared to go near her. But she + walked from the room vexed with the emotion she was unable to + control, and did not again appear. + </p> + <p> + The best thing in Vavasor was his love of music. He had + cultivated not a little what gift he had, but it was only a + small power, not of production, but of mere reproduction like + that of Cornelius, though both finer and stronger in quality. + He did not really believe in music—he did not really + believe in anything except himself. He professed to adore it, + and imagined he did, because his greatest pleasure lay in + hearing his own verses well sung by a pretty girl who would + now and then steal, or try to steal, a glance at the poet + from under her eyelids as she sang. On his way home he + brooded over the delight of having his best songs sung by + such a singer as Hester; and from that night fancied he had + received a new revelation of what music was and could do, + confessing to himself that a similar experience within the + next fortnight would send him over head and ears in love with + Hester—which must not be! Cornelius went half way with + him, and to his questions arising from what Miss Raymount had + said about the professional, assured him, 'pon honor, that + that was all Hester's nonsense! + </p> + <p> + "<i>She</i> in training for a public singer!—But + there's nothing she likes better than taking a rise out of a + fellow," said Cornelius. "She would as soon think of singing + in public as of taking a bar-maid's place in a public-house!" + </p> + <p> + "But why did you never tell me your sister was such an awful + swell of a singer?" asked Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "Do you think so? She ought to feel very much flattered! Why + I didn't tell you?—Oh, I don't know! I never heard her + sing like that before. Upon my word I never did. I suppose it + was because you were there. A brother's nobody, don't you + know?" + </p> + <p> + This flattered Vavasor, as how should it not? and without the + least idea of whither the spirit in the feet of his spirit + was leading him, he went as often to the Raymounts' lodging + as for very shame of intrusion he dared—that is, all + but every night. But having, as he thought, discovered and + learned thoroughly to understand her special vein, as he + called it, he was careful not to bring any of his own slight + windy things of leaf-blowing songs under Hester's + notice—not, alas! that he thought them such, but that + he judged it prudent to postpone the pleasure: she would + require no small amount of training before she could quite + enter into the spirit and special merit of them! + </p> + <p> + In the meantime as he knew a good song sometimes when he saw + it, always when he heard her sing it, never actually + displeased her with any he did bring under her notice, had + himself a very tolerable voice, and was capable of managing + it with taste and judgment, also of climbing upon the note + itself to its summit, and of setting right with facility any + fault explained to him, it came about by a scale of very + natural degrees, that he found himself by and by, not a + little to his satisfaction, in the relation to her of a pupil + to a teacher. Hester in truth gave herself a good deal of + trouble with him, in the endeavor, by no means an + unsuccessful one, to improve the quality of his + singing—his style, his expression, and even his way of + modeling his tones. The relation between them became + therefore one which, had it then lasted, might have soon led + to something like genuine intimacy—at least to some + truer notion on the part of each of the kind of being the + other was. But the day of separation arrived first; and it + was only on his way back to London that Vavasor began to + discover what a hold the sister of his fellow-clerk had taken + of his thoughts and indeed of his heart—of the + existence of which organ he had never before had any very + convincing proof. + </p> + <p> + All the time he had not once brought his aunt and the + Raymounts together. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch10"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER X. + </h2> + <h3> + HESTER AND AMY. + </h3> + <p> + Hester did not miss Vavasor quite so much as he hoped she + might, or as perhaps he believed she did. She had been + interested in him mainly because she found him both receptive + and capable of development in the matter of music—ready + to understand, that is, and willing to be taught. To have + such a man listen with respect to every word she said, never + denying, defending or justifying what she might point out as + a fault, but setting himself at once to the correction of the + same, and in general with some measure of immediate success, + could not fail to be not merely pleasant but flattering to + her. Brothers, I suspect, have a good deal to answer for in + the estimation of men by their sisters; their behavior at + home leads them to prize the civilities of other men more + highly than they deserve; brothers, I imagine, have therefore + more to do than they will like to learn, with the making of + those inferior men acceptable to their sisters, whose very + presence is to themselves an annoyance. Women so seldom see a + noble style of behavior at home!—so few are capable of + distinguishing between ceremony and courtesy between + familiarity and rudeness—of dismissing ceremony and + retaining courtesy, of using familiarity and banishing + rudeness! The nearer persons come to each other, the greater + is the room and the more are the occasions for courtesy; but + just in proportion to their approach the gentleness of most + men diminishes. Some will make the poor defense that it is + unmanly to show one's feelings: it is unmanly, because + conceited and cowardly to hide them, if, indeed, such persons + have anything precious to hide. Other some will say, "Must I + weigh my words with my familiar friend as if I had been but + that moment presented to him?" I answer, It were small labor + well spent to see that your coarse-grained evil self, doomed + to perdition, shall not come between your friend and your + true, noble, humble self, fore-ordained to eternal life. The + Father cannot bear rudeness in his children any more than + wrong:—my comparison is unfit, for rudeness is a great + and profound wrong, and that to the noblest part of the human + being, while a mere show of indifference is sometimes almost + as bad as the rudest words. And these are of those faults of + which the more guilty a man is, the less is he conscious of + the same. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor did not move the deepest in Hester. How should he? + With that deepest he had no developed relation. There were + worlds of thought and feeling already in motion in Hester's + universe, while the vaporous mass in him had hardly yet begun + to stir. To use another simile, he was living on the surface + of his being, the more exposed to earthquake and volcanic + eruption that he had never yet suspected the existence of the + depths profound whence they rise, while she was already a + discoverer in the abysses of the nature gradually yet swiftly + unfolding in her—every discovery attended with fresh + light for the will, and a new sense of power in the + consciousness. When Vavasor was gone she turned with greater + diligence to her musical studies. + </p> + <p> + Amy Amber continued devoted to her, and when she was + practicing would hover about her as often and as long as she + could. Her singing especially seemed to enchant and fascinate + the girl. But a change had already begun to show itself in + her. The shadow of an unseen cloud was occasionally visible + on her forehead, and unmistakable pools were left in her eyes + by the ebb-tide of tears. In her service, notwithstanding, + she was nowise less willing, scarcely less cheerful. The + signs of her discomfort grew deeper, and showed themselves + oftener as the days went on. She moved about her work with + less elasticity, and her smile did not come so quickly. Both + Hester and her mother saw the change, and marked even an + occasional frown. In the morning, when she was always the + first up, she was generally cheerful, but as the day passed + the clouds came. Happily, however, her diligence did not + relax. Sound in health, and by nature as active as cheerful, + she took a positive delight in work. Doing was to her as + natural as singing to the birds. In a household with truth at + the heart of it she would have been invaluable, and happy as + the day was long. As it was, she was growing daily less and + less happy. + </p> + <p> + One night she appeared in Hester's room as usual before going + to bed. The small, neat face had lost for the time a great + part of its beauty, and was dark as a little thunder-cloud. + Its black, shadowy brows were drawn together over its + luminous black eyes; its red lips were large and pouting, and + their likeness to a rosebud gone. + </p> + <p> + Its cheeks were swollen, and its whole aspect revealed the + spirit of wrath roused at last, and the fire alight in the + furnace of the bosom. She tried to smile, but what came was + the smile of a wound rather than a mouth. + </p> + <p> + "My poor Amy! what is the matter?" cried Hester, sorry, but + hardly surprised; for plainly things had been going from bad + to worse. + </p> + <p> + The girl burst into a passionate fit of weeping. She threw + herself in wild abandonment on the floor, and sobbed; then, + as if to keep herself from screaming aloud, stuffed her + handkerchief into her mouth, kicked with her little feet, and + beat her little hands on the floor. She was like a child in a + paroxysm of rage—only that with her its extravagance + came of the effort to overcome it. + </p> + <p> + "Amy, dear, you mustn't be naughty!" said Hester, kneeling + down beside her and taking hold of her arm. + </p> + <p> + "I'm not naughty, miss—at least I am doing all I can to + get over it," she sobbed. + </p> + <p> + Thereupon she ceased suddenly, and sitting up on the floor, + her legs doubled under her in eastern fashion, looked + straight at Hester, and said thoughtfully, as if the question + had just come, with force to make her forget the suffering + she was in— + </p> + <p> + "I <i>should</i> like to know how you would do in my + place—that I should, miss!" + </p> + <p> + The words spoken, her eyes fell, and she sat still as a + statue, seeming steadfastly to regard her own lap. + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid, if I were in your place, I should do nothing so + well as you, Amy," said Hester. "But come, tell me what is + the matter. What puts you in such a misery?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, it's not one thing nor two things nor twenty things!" + answered Amy, looking sullen with the feeling of heaped-up + wrong. "What <i>would</i> my mother say to see me served so! + <i>She</i> used to trust me everywhere and always! I don't + understand how those two prying suspicious old maids + <i>can</i> be <i>my</i> mother's sisters!" + </p> + <p> + She spoke slowly and sadly, without raising her eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Don't they behave well to you, my poor child?" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "It's not," returned Amy, "that they watch every bit I put in + my mouth—I don't complain of that, for they're + poor—at least they're always saying so, and of course + they want to make the most of me; but not to be trusted one + moment out of their sight except they know exactly where I + am—to be always suspected, and followed and watched, + and me working my hardest—that's what drives me wild, + Miss Raymount. I'm afraid they'll make me hate them out and + out—and them my own flesh and blood, too, which can't + but be wicked! I bore it very well for a while, for at first + it only amused me. I said to myself, 'They'll soon know me + better!' But when I found they only got worse, I got tired of + it altogether; and when I got tired of it I got cross, and + grew more and more cross, till now I can't <i>bear</i> it. + I'm not used to be cross, and my own crossness is much harder + to bear than theirs. If I could have kept the good temper + people used to praise me for to my mother, I shouldn't mind; + but it <i>is</i> hard to lose it this way! I don't know how + to get on without it! If there don't come a change somehow + soon, I shall run away—I shall indeed, Miss Raymount. + There are many would be glad enough to have me for the work I + can get through." + </p> + <p> + She jumped to her feet, gave a little laugh, merry-sad, and + before Hester could answer her, said— + </p> + <p> + "You're going away so soon, miss! Let me do your hair + to-night. I want to brush it every night till you go." + </p> + <p> + "But you are tired, my poor child!" said Hester + compassionately. + </p> + <p> + "Not too tired for that: it will rest me, and bring back my + good temper, It will come to me again through your hair, + miss." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, Amy," said Hester, a little conscience-stricken, + "you can't have any of mine. I have none to spare. You will + rather brush some into me, Amy. But do what you like with my + hair." + </p> + <p> + As Amy lovingly combed and brushed the long, wavy overflow of + Hester's beauty, Hester tried to make her understand that she + must not think of good-temper and crossness merely as things + that could be put into her and taken out of her. She tried to + make her see that nothing really our own can ever be taken + from us by any will or behavior of another; that Amy had had + a large supply of good-temper laid ready to her hand, but + that it was not hers until she had made it her own by + choosing and willing to be good-tempered when she was + disinclined—holding it fast with the hand of + determination when the hand of wrong would snatch it from + her. + </p> + <p> + "Because I have a book on my shelves," she said, "it is not + therefore mine; when I have read and understood it, then it + is a little mine; when I love it and do what it tells me, + then it is altogether mine: it is like that with a good + temper: if you have it sometimes, and other times not, then + it is not yours; it lies in you like that book on my + table—a thing priceless were it your own, but as it is, + a thing you can't keep even against your poor weak old + aunts." + </p> + <p> + As she said all this, Hester felt like a hypocrite, + remembering her own sins. Amy Amber listened quietly, + brushing steadily all the time, but scarcely a shadow of + Hester's meaning crossed her mind. If she was in a good + temper, she was in a good temper; if she was in a bad temper, + why there she was, she and her temper! She had not a notion + of the possibility of having a hand in the making of her own + temper—not a notion that she was in any manner or + measure accountable in regard to the temper she might find + herself in. Could she have been persuaded to attempt to + overcome it, the moment she failed, as of course every one + will many times, Amy would have concluded the thing required + an impossibility. Yet the effort she made, and with success, + to restrain the show of her anger, was far from slight. But + for this, there would, long ere now, have been rain and wind, + thunder and lightning between her and her aunts. She was + alive without the law, not knowing what mental conflict was; + the moment she recognized that she was bound to conquer + herself, she would die in conscious helplessness, until + strength and hope were given her from the well of the one + pure will. + </p> + <p> + Hester kissed her, and though she had not understood, she + went to bed a little comforted. When the Raymounts departed, + two or three days after, they left her at the top of the + cliff-stair, weeping bitterly. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch11"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XI. + </h2> + <h3> + AT HOME. + </h3> + <p> + When the Raymounts reached London, hardly taking time to + unpack her box, Hester went to see her music-mistress, and + make arrangement for re-commencing study with her. + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma was one of God's angels; for if he makes his + angels winds, and his ministers a flaming fire, much more are + those live fountains which carry his gifts to their thirsting + fellows his angels. Meeting not very rarely with vulgar + behavior in such as regarded her from the heights of rank or + money, she was the more devoted to a pupil who looked up to + her as she deserved, recognizing in her a power of creation. + Of Italian descent, of English birth, and of German training, + she had lived in intimacy with some of the greatest composers + of her day, but the enthusiasm for her art which possessed + her was mainly the outcome of her own genius. Hence it was + natural that she should exercise a forming influence on every + pupil at all worthy of her, and without her Hester could + never have become what she was. For not merely had she opened + her eyes to a vision of Music in something of her essential + glory, but, herself capable of the hardest and truest work, + had taught her the absolute necessity of labor to one who + would genuinely enjoy, not to say cause others to enjoy, what + the masters in the art had brought out of the infinite. + Hester had doubtless heard and accepted the commonplaces so + common concerning the dignity and duty of labor—as if + labor mere were anything irrespective of its character, its + object and end! but without Miss Dasomma she would not have + learned that Labor is grand officer in the palace of Art; + that at the root of all ease lies slow, and, for long, + profitless-seeming labor, as at the root of all grace lies + strength; that ease is the lovely result of forgotten toil, + sunk into the spirit, and making it strong and ready; that + never worthy improvisation flowed from brain of poet or + musician unused to perfect his work with honest labor; that + the very disappearance of toil is by the immolating hand of + toil itself. He only who bears his own burden can bear the + burden of another; he only who has labored shall dwell at + ease, or help others from the mire to the rock. + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma was ready to begin at once, and Hester gradually + increased her hours of practice, till her mother interfered + lest she should injure her health. But there was in truth + little danger, for Hester was forcing nothing—only + indulging to the full her inclination, eager to perfect her + own delight, and the more eager that she was preparing + delight for others. + </p> + <p> + They had not been home more than a week, when one Sunday + morning, that is at four o'clock in the afternoon, Mr. + Vavasor called—which was not quite agreeable to Mrs. + Raymount, who liked their Sundays kept quiet. He was shown to + Mr. Raymount's study. + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry," he said, "to call on a Sunday, but I am not so + enviably situated as you, Mr. Raymount; I have not my time at + my command. When other people make their calls. I am a + prisoner." + </p> + <p> + He spoke as if his were an exceptional case, and the whole + happy world beside reveled in morning calls. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount was pleased with him afresh, for he spoke + modestly, with implicit acknowledgment of the superior + position of the elder man. They fell to talking of the + prominent question of the day, and Mr. Raymount was yet more + pleased when he found the young aristocrat ready to receive + enlightenment upon it. But the fact was that Vavasor cared + very little about the matter, and had a facility for + following where he was led; and, always preferring to make + himself agreeable where there was no restraining reason, why + should he not gratify the writer of articles by falling in + with what he advanced? He had a light, easy way of touching + on things, as if all his concessions, conclusions, and + concurrences were merest matter of course; and thus making + himself appear master of the situation over which he merely + skimmed on insect-wing. Mr. Raymount took him not merely for + a man of thought but one of some originality + even—capable at least of forming an opinion of his own, + as is, he was in the habit of averring, not one in ten + thousand. + </p> + <p> + In relation to the wider circle of the country, Mr. Vavasor + was so entirely a nobody, that the acquaintance of a writer + even so partially known as Mr. Raymount was something to him. + There is a tinselly halo about the writer of books that + affects many minds the most <i>practical</i>, so called; they + take it to indicate power, which, with most, means ability in + the direction of one's own way, or his party's, and so his + own in the end. Since his return he had instituted inquiries + concerning Mr. Raymount, and finding both him and his family + in good repute, complained of indeed as exclusive, he had + told his aunt as much concerning them as he judged prudent, + hinting it would give him pleasure if she should see fit to + call upon Mrs. Raymount. Miss Vavasor being, however, + naturally jealous of the judgment of young men, pledged + herself to nothing, and made inquiries for herself. Learning + thereby at length, after much resultless + questioning—for her world but just touched in its + course the orbit of that of the Raymounts—that there + was rather a distinguished-looking girl in the family, and + having her own ideas for the nephew whose interests she had, + for the sake of the impending title made her own, she delayed + and put off and talked the thing over, and at last let it + rest; while he went the oftener to see the people she thus + declined calling upon. + </p> + <p> + On this his first visit he stayed the evening, and was afresh + installed as a friend of the family. Although it was Sunday, + and her ideas also a little strict as to religious + proprieties, Hester received him cordially where her mother + received him but kindly; and falling into the old ways, he + took his part in the hymns, anthems, and what other forms of + sacred music followed the family-tea: and so the evening + passed without irksomeness—nor the less enjoyably that + Cornelius was spending it with a friend. + </p> + <p> + The tone, expression, and power of Hester's voice astonished + Vavasor afresh. He was convinced, and told her so, that even + in the short time since he heard it last, it had improved in + all directions. And when, after they had had enough of + singing, she sat down and extemporized in a sacred strain, + turning the piano almost into an organ with the sympathy of + her touch, and weaving holy airs without end into the + unrolling web of her own thought, Vavasor was so moved as to + feel more kindly disposed toward religion—by which he + meant "going to church, and all that sort of thing, don't you + know? "—than ever in his life before. He did not call + the next Sunday, but came on the Saturday; and the only one + present who was not pleased with him was Miss Dasomma, who + happened also to spend the evening there. + </p> + <p> + I have already represented Hester's indebtedness to her + teacher as such that therein she would be making discoveries + all her life. Devout as well as enthusiastic, human as well + as artistic, she was not an angel of music only, but had for + many years been a power in the family for good—as + indeed in every family in which she counted herself doing + anything worth doing. Much too generous and helpful to have + saved money, she was now, in middle age, working as hard as + she had ever worked in her youth. Not a little experienced in + the ways of the world, and possessing a high ideal in the + memories of a precious friendship, against which to compare + the ways of smaller mortals, she did not find her atmosphere + gladdened by the presence of Mr. Vavasor's. With tact enough + to take his cue from the family, he treated her with studious + politeness; but Miss Dasomma did not like Mr. Vavasor. She + had to think before she could tell why, for there is a + spiritual instinct also, which often takes the lead of the + understanding, and has to search and analyze itself for its + own explanation. But the question once roused, she prosecuted + it, and in the shadow of a curtain, while Hester was playing, + watched his countenance, trying to read it—to read, + that is, what the owner of that face never meant to write, + but could no more help writing there than he could help + having a face. What a man is lies as certainly upon his + countenance as in his heart, though none of his acquaintance + may be able to read it. Their very intercourse with him may + have rendered it more difficult. + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma's conclusion was, that Vavasor was a man of good + instincts—as perhaps who is not?—but without + moral development, pleased with himself, and not undesirous + of pleasing others consistently with his idea of + dignity—at present more than moderately desirous of + pleasing Hester Raymount, therefore showing to the best + possible advantage. "But," thought Miss Dasomma, "if this be + his best, what may not his worst be?" That he had no small + capacity for music was plain, but if, as she judged, the + faculty was unassociated in him with truth of nature, that + was so much to the other side of his account, inasmuch as it + rendered him the more dangerous. For, at Hester's feet in the + rare atmosphere and faint twilight of music, how could he + fail to impress her with an opinion of himself more favorable + than just? To interfere, however, where was no solid ground, + would be to waste the power that might be of use; but she was + confident that if for a moment Hester saw him as she did, she + could no more look on him with favor. At the same time she + did not think he could be meaning more than the mere passing + of his time agreeably; she knew well the character of his + aunt, and the relation in which he stood to her. In any case + she could for the present only keep a gentle watch over the + mind of her pupil. But that pupil had a better protection in + the sacred ambition stirring in her. Concerning that she had + not as yet held communication even with the one best able to + understand it. For Hester had already had sufficient + experience to know that it is a killing thing to talk about + what you mean to do. It is to let the wind in upon a delicate + plant, requiring a long childhood under glass, open to sun + and air, closed to wind and frost. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch12"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XII. + </h2> + <h3> + A BEGINNING. + </h3> + <p> + The Raymounts lived in no fashionable or pseudo-fashionable + part of London, but in a somewhat peculiar house, though by + no means such outwardly, in an old square in the dingy, + smoky, convenient, healthy district of Bloomsbury. One of the + advantages of this position to a family with soul in it, that + strange essence which <i>will</i> go out after its kind, was, + that on two sides at least it was closely pressed by poor + neighbors. Artisans, small tradespeople, out-door servants, + poor actors and actresses lived in the narrow streets thickly + branching away in certain directions. Hence, most happily for + her, Hester had grown up with none of that uncomfortable + feeling so many have when brought even into such mere contact + with the poor as comes of passing through their streets on + foot—a feeling often in part composed of fear, often in + part of a false sense of natural superiority, engendered of + being better dressed, better housed, and better educated. It + was in a measure owing to her having been from childhood used + to the sight of such, that her sympathies were so soon and so + thoroughly waked on the side of suffering humanity. With + parents like hers she had never been in danger of having her + feelings or her insight blunted by the assumption of such a + relation to the poor as that of spiritual police-agent, one + who arrogates the right of walking into their houses without + introduction, and with at best but faint apology: to show + respect if you have it, is the quickest way to teach + reverence; if you do not show respect, do not at least + complain should the recoil of your own behavior be more + powerful than pleasant: if you will shout on the mountain + side in spring, look out for avalanches. + </p> + <p> + Those who would do good to the poor must attempt it in the + way in which best they could do good to people of their own + standing. They must make their acquaintance first. They must + know something of the kind of the person they would help, to + learn if help be possible from their hands. Only man can help + man; money without man can do little or nothing, most likely + less than nothing. As our Lord redeemed the world by being a + man, the true Son of the true Father, so the only way for a + man to help men is to be a true man to this neighbor and + that. But to seek acquaintance with design is a perilous + thing, nor unlikely to result in disappointment, and the + widening of the gulf both between the individuals, and the + classes to which they belong. It seems to me that, in humble + acceptance of common ways, we must follow the leadings of + providence, and make acquaintance in the so-called lower + classes by the natural working of the social laws that bring + men together. What is the divine intent in the many needs of + humanity, and the consequent dependence of the rich on the + poor, even greater than that of the poor on the rich, but to + bring men together, that in far-off ways at first they may be + compelled to know each other? The man who treats his fellow + as a mere mean for the supply of his wants, and not as a + human being with whom he has to do, is an obstructing clot in + the human circulation. + </p> + <p> + Does any one ask for rules of procedure? I answer, there are + none to be had; such must be discovered by each for himself. + The only way to learn the rules of any thing practical is to + begin to do the thing. We have enough of knowledge in + us—call it insight, call it instinct, call it + inspiration, call it natural law, to begin any thing required + of us. The sole way to deal with the profoundest mystery that + is yet not too profound to draw us, is to begin to do some + duty revealed by the light from the golden fringe of its + cloudy vast. If it reveal nothing to be done, there is + nothing there for us. No man can turn his attention in the + mere direction of a thing, without already knowing enough of + that thing to carry him further in the knowledge of it by the + performance of what it involves of natural action. Let every + simplest relation towards human being, if it be embodied but + in the act of buying a reel of cotton or a knife, be + recognized as a relation with, a meeting of that human soul. + In its poor degree let its outcome be in truth and + friendliness. Allow nature her course, and next time let the + relation go farther. To follow such a path is the way to find + both the persons to help and the real modes of helping them. + In fact, to be true to a man in any way is to help him. He + who goes out of common paths to look for opportunity, leaves + his own door and misses that of his neighbor. It is by + following the path we are in that we shall first reach + somewhere. He who does as I say will find his acquaintance + widen and widen with growing rapidity; his heart will fill + with the care of humanity, and his hands with its help. Such + care will be death to one's own cares, such help balm to + one's own wounds. In a word, he must cultivate, after a + simple human manner, the acquaintance of his neighbors, who + would be a neighbor where a neighbor may be wanted. So shall + he fulfil the part left behind of the work of the Master, + which He desires to finish through him. + </p> + <p> + Of course I do not imagine that Hester understood this. She + had no theory of carriage towards the poor, neither confined + her hope of helping to them. There are as many in every other + class needing help as among the poor, and the need, although + it wear different dresses, is essentially the same in all. To + make the light go up in the heart of a rich man, if a more + difficult task, is just as good a deed as to make it go up in + the heart of a poor man. But with her strong desire to carry + help where it was needed, with her genuine feeling of the + blood relationship of all human beings, with her instinctive + sense that one could never begin too soon to do that which + had to be done, she was in the right position to begin; and + from such a one opportunity will not be withheld. + </p> + <p> + She went one morning into a small shop in Steevens's Road, to + buy a few sheets of music-paper. The woman who kept it had + been an acquaintance almost from the first day of their abode + in the neighborhood. In the course of their talk Mrs. Baldwin + mentioned that she was in some anxiety about a woman in the + house who was far from well, and in whom she thought Mrs. + Raymount would be interested. + </p> + <p> + "Mamma is always ready," said Hester, "to help where she can. + Tell me about her." + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see, miss," replied Mrs. Baldwin, "we're not in + the way of having to do with such people, for my husband's + rather particular about who he lets the top rooms to; only + let them we must to one or another, for times is hard an' + children is many, an' it's all as we can do to pay our way + an' nothing over; only thank God we've done it up to this + present; an' the man looked so decent, as well as the woman, + an' that pitiful-like—more than she did—that I + couldn't have the heart to send them away such a night as it + was, bein' a sort o' drizzly an' as cold as charity, an' the + poor woman plainly not in a state to go wanderin' about + seekin' a place to lay her head; though to be sure there's + plenty o' places for such like, only as the poor man said + himself, they did want to get into a decent place, which it + wasn't easy to get e'er a one as would take them in. They had + three children with them, the smallest o' them pickaback on + the biggest; an' it's strange, miss—I never could + compass it, though I atten' chapel reg'lar—how it goes + to yer heart I mean, to see one human bein' lookin' arter + another! But my husban', as was natural, he bein' a + householder, an' so many of his own, was shy o' children; for + children, you know, miss, 'cep' they be yer own, ain't nice + things about a house; an' them poor things wouldn't be a + credit nowheres, for they're ragged enough—an' a good + deal more than enough—only they were pretty clean, as + poor children go, an' there was nothing, as I said to him, in + the top-rooms, as they could do much harm to. The man said + theirs weren't like other children, for they had been brought + up to do the thing as they were told, an' to remember that + things that belonged to other people was to be handled as + sich; an', said he, they were always too busy earnin' their + bread to be up to tricks, an' in fact were always too tired + to have much spare powder to let off; so the long an' short + on it was, we took 'em in, an' they've turned out as quiet + an' well-behaved a family as you could desire; an' if they + ain't got jest the most respectable way o' earnin' their + livelihood, that may be as much their misfortin as their + fault, as my husband he said. An' I'm sure it's not lettin' + lodgin's to sich I ever thought I should come + to—though, for the matter o' that, I never could + rightly understand what made one thing respectable an' + another not." + </p> + <p> + "What is their employment then?" asked Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Something or other in the circus-way, as far as I can make + out from what they tell me. Anyway they didn't seem to have + no engagement when they come to the door, but they paid the + first week down afore they entered. You see, miss, the poor + woman she give me a kind of a look up into the face that + reminded me of my Susie, as I lost, you know, miss, a year + ago—it was that as made me feel to hate the thought of + sending her away. Oh, miss, ain't it a mercy everybody ain't + so like your own! We'd have to ruin ourselves for + them—we couldn't help it!" + </p> + <p> + "It will come to that one day, though," said Hester to + herself, "and then we sha'n't he ruined either." + </p> + <p> + "So then!" Mrs. Baldwin went on, "the very next day as was, + the doctor had to be sent for, an' there was a babby! The + doctor he come from the 'ospital, as nice a gentleman as + you'd wish to see, miss, an' waited on her as if she'd been + the first duchess in the land. 'I'm sure,' said my good + husban' to me, 'it's a lesson to all of us to see how he do + look after her as'll never pay him a penny for the care as + he's takin' of her!' But my husban' he's that soft hearted, + miss, where anything i' the baby-line's a goin' on! an' now + the poor thing's not at all strong, an' ain't a-gettin' back + of her stren'th though we do what we can with her, an' send + her up what we can spare. You see they pay for their + house-room, an' then ain't got much over!" added the good + woman in excuse of her goodness. "But I fancy it's more from + anxiety as to what's to come to them, than that anything's + gone wrong with her. They're not out o' money yet quite, I'm + glad to say, though he don't seem to ha' got nothing to do + yet, so far as I can make out; they're rather close like. + That sort o' trade, ye see, miss, the demand's not steady in + it. It's not like skilled labor, as my husban' says; though + to see what them young ones has to go through, it's labor + enough an' to spare; an' if it ain't just what they call + skilled, it's what no one out o' the trade can make a mark + at. Would you mind goin' up an' havin' a look at her, miss?" + </p> + <p> + Hester begged Mrs. Baldwin to lead the way, and followed her + up the stairs. + </p> + <p> + The top-rooms were two poor enough garret ones, nowise too + good, it seemed to Hester, for the poorest of human kind. In + the largest, the ceiling sloped to the floor till there was + but just height enough left for the small chest of drawers of + painted deal to stand back to the wall. A similar washstand + and a low bed completed the furniture. The last was + immediately behind the door, and there lay the woman, with a + bolster heightened by a thin petticoat and threadbare cloak + under her head. Hester saw a pale, patient, worn face, with + eyes large, thoughtful, and troubled. + </p> + <p> + "Here's a kind lady come to see you, Mrs.!" said her + landlady. + </p> + <p> + This speech annoyed Hester. She hated to be called kind, and + perhaps spoke the more kindly to the poor woman that she was + displeased with Mrs. Baldwin's patronizing of her. + </p> + <p> + "It's dreary for you to lie here alone, I'm afraid," she + said, and stroked the thin hand on the coverlid. "May I sit a + few minutes beside you? I was once in bed for a whole month, + and found it very wearisome. I was at school then. I don't + mind being ill when I have my mother." + </p> + <p> + The woman gazed up at her with eyes that looked like the dry + wells of tears. + </p> + <p> + "It's very kind of you, miss!" she said. "It's a long stair + to come up." + </p> + <p> + She lay and gazed, and said nothing more. Her life was of a + negative sort just at present. Her child lay asleep on her + arm, a poor little washed-out rag of humanity, but evidently + dear from the way she now and then tried to look at it, which + was not easy to her. + </p> + <p> + Hester sat down and tried to talk, but partly from the fear + of tiring one too weak to answer more than a word now and + then, she found it hard to get on. Religion she could not + talk off-hand. Once in her life she had, from a notion of + duty, made the attempt, with the consequence of feeling like + a hypocrite. For she found herself speaking so of the things + she fed on in her heart as to make them look to herself the + merest commonplaces in the world! Could she believe in them, + and speak of them, with such dull dogmatic stupidity? She + came to the conclusion that she had spoken without a message, + and since then she had taken care not to commit the offence + again. + </p> + <p> + A dead silence came. + </p> + <p> + "What can be the good of a common creature like me going to + visit people?" she said to herself. "I have nothing to + say—feel nothing in me—but a dull love that would + bless if it could! And what would words be if I had them?" + </p> + <p> + For a few moments she sat thus silent, growing more and more + uncomfortable. But just ere the silent became unendurable, a + thought appeared in the void. + </p> + <p> + "What a fool I am!" she said again to herself. "I am like + little Mark when he cried because he had only a shilling and + saw a boy spend a penny on a lovely spotted horse! Here have + I been all my life wanting to give my fellow-creatures a + large share of my big cake, and the first time I have an + opportunity, I forget all about it! Here it lies locked in my + chest, like a dead bird in its cage!" + </p> + <p> + A few more moments she sat silent but no longer embarrassed + thinking how to begin. The baby woke and began to whimper. + The mother, who rarely let him off her arm, because then she + was not able to take him till help came, drew him to her, and + began to nurse him; and the heart of the young, strong woman + was pierced to the quick at sight of how ill fitted was the + mother for what she had to do. "Can God be love?" she said to + herself. "If I could help her! It will go on like this for + weeks and months, I suppose!" + </p> + <p> + She had yet to learn that the love of God is so deep he can + be satisfied with nothing less than getting as near as it is + possible for the Father to draw nigh to his + children—and that is into absolute contact of heart + with heart, love with love, being with being. And as that + must be wrought out from the deepest inside, divine law + working itself up through our nature into our consciousness + and will, and claiming us as divine, who can tell by what + slow certainties of approach God is drawing nigh to the most + suffering of his creatures? Only, if we so comfort ourselves + with such thoughts as to do nothing, we, when God and they + meet, shall find ourselves out in the cold—cold + infinitely worse than any trouble this world has to show. The + baby made no complaint against the slow fountain of his life, + but made the best he could of it, while his mother every now + and then peered down on him as lovingly as ever happy mother + on her first-born. The same God is at the heart of all + mothers, and all sins against children are against the one + Father of children, against the Life itself. + </p> + <p> + A few moments only, and Hester began to sing—low and + soft. Having no song sought out for the occasion, she took a + common hymn, sung in all churches and chapels, with little + thought or feeling in it, the only one she could think of. I + need not say she put into it as much of sweetness and + smoothing strength as she could make the sounds hold, and so + perhaps made up a little for its lack. It is a curious + question why sacred song should so often be dull and + commonplace. With a trembling voice she sang, and with more + anxiety and shyness than she remembered having ever felt. It + was neither a well-instructed nor critically disposed + audience she had, but the reason was that never before had + she been so anxious for some measure of success. Not daring + to look up, she sat like one rebuked, with the music flowing + over her lips like the slow water from the urn of some naiad + of stone fountain. She had her reward; for when the hymn was + done, and she at length ventured to raise her eyes, she saw + both mother and babe fast asleep. Her heart ascended on a + wave of thanks to the giver of song. She rose softly, crept + from the house, and hastened home to tell her mother what she + had heard and seen. The same afternoon a basket of nice + things arrived at the shop for the poor lodger in the + top-room. + </p> + <p> + The care of the Raymounts did not relax till she was fairly + on her feet again; neither till then did a day pass on which + Hester did not see her, and scarcely one on which she did not + sing to her and her baby. Several times she dressed the + child, singing to him all the time. It was generally in the + morning she went, because then she was almost sure to find + them alone. Of the father she had seen next to nothing. On + the few occasions when he happened to be at home, the moment + she entered he crept out, with a shy, humble salutation, as + if ashamed of himself. All she had ever had time to see was + that he was a man of middle height, with a strong face and + frame, dressed like a workman. The moment he rose to go, his + three boys rose also, and following him from the room seemed + to imitate his salutation as they passed her—all but + the youngest, who made her a profound bow accompanied by a + wonderful smile. The eldest was about the age of twelve, the + youngest about seven. They were rather sickly looking, but + had intelligent faces and inoffensive expressions. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Baldwin continued to bear the family good witness. She + confessed they never seemed to have much to eat, but said + they paid their lodgings regularly, and she had nothing to + complain of. The place had indeed been untidy, not to say + dirty, at first, but as soon as the mother was about again, + it began to amend, and now, really, for people in their + position, it was wonderfully well. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch13"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIII. + </h2> + <h3> + A PRIVATE EXHIBITION. + </h3> + <p> + Hester had not been near them for two or three days. It was + getting dusk, but she would just run across the square and + down the street, and look in upon them for a moment. She had + not been brought up to fear putting her foot out of doors + unaccompanied. It was but a few steps, and she knew almost + every house she had to pass. To-morrow was Sunday, and she + felt as if she could not go to church without having once + more seen the little flock committed in a measure to her + humble charge. Not that she imagined anything sole in her + relation towards them; for she had already begun to see that + we have to take care of <i>parts</i> of each other, those + parts, namely, which we can best help. From the ambition both + of men and women to lord it over individuals have arisen + worse evils perhaps than from a wider love of empery. When a + man desires personal influence or power over any one, he is + of the thieves and robbers who enter not in by the door. But + the right and privilege of ministering belongs to every one + who has the grace to claim it and be a fellow-worker with + God. + </p> + <p> + Hester found Mrs. Baldwin busy in the shop, and with a nod + passed her, and went up the stair. But when she opened the + door, she stood for a moment hesitating whether to enter, or + close it again with an apology and return, for it seemed as + if preparations for a party had been made. The bed was pushed + to the back of the room, and the floor was empty, except for + a cushion or two, like those of an easy chair, lying in the + middle of it. The father and the three boys were standing + together near the fire, like gentlemen on the hearth-rug + expecting visitors. She glanced round in search of the + mother. Some one was bending over the bed in the farther + corner; the place was lighted with but a single candle, and + she thought it was she, stooping over her baby; but a + moment's gaze made it plain that the back was that of a man: + could it be the doctor again? Was the poor woman worse? She + entered and approached the father, who then first seeing who + it was that had knocked and looked in, pulled off the cap he + invariably wore, and came forward with a bashful yet eager + courtesy. + </p> + <p> + "I hope your wife is not worse," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "No', miss, I hope not. She's took a bit bad. We can't always + avoid it in our profession, miss." + </p> + <p> + "I don't understand you," she answered, feeling a little + uneasy.—Were there horrors to be revealed of which she + had surmised nothing? + </p> + <p> + "If you will do us the honor to take a seat, miss, we shall + be only too happy to show you as much as you may please to + look upon with favor." + </p> + <p> + Hester shuddered involuntarily, but mastered herself. The man + saw her hesitate, and resumed. + </p> + <p> + "You see, miss, this is how it was. Dr. + Christopher—that's the gentleman there, a lookin' after + mother—he's been that kind to her an' me an' all on us + in our trouble, an' never a crown-piece to offer + him—which I'm sure no lady in the land could ha' been + better attended to than she've been—twixt him an' you, + miss—so we thought as how we'd do our best for him, an' + try an' see whether amongst us we couldn't give him a + pleasant evenin' as it were, just to show as we was grateful. + So we axed him to tea, an' he come, like the gen'leman he be, + an' so we shoved the bed aside an' was showin' him a bit on + our craft, just a trick or two, miss—me an' the boys + here—stan' forward, Robert an' the rest of you an' make + your bows to the distinguished company as honors you with + their presence to cast an eye on you an' see what you can + show yourselves capable of." + </p> + <p> + Here Mr. Christopher—Hester had not now heard his name + for the first time, though she had never seen him + before—turned, and approached them. + </p> + <p> + "She'll be all right in a minute or two, Franks," he said. + </p> + <p> + "You told her, doctor, the boy ain't got the smallest hurt? + It 'ud break my heart nigh as soon as hers to see the Sarpint + come to grief." + </p> + <p> + "She knows that well enough; only, you see, we can't always + help letting the looks of things get a hold of us in spite of + the facts. That's how so many people come to go out of their + wits. But I think for the present it will be better to drop + it." + </p> + <p> + Franks turned to Hester to explain. + </p> + <p> + "One of the boys, miss—that's him—not much of + him—the young Sarpint of the Prairie, we call him in + the trade—he don't seem to ha' much amiss with him, do + he now, miss?—he had a bit of a fall—only on them + pads—a few minutes ago, the more shame to the Sarpint, + the rascal!" Here he pretended to hit the Sarpint, who never + moved a coil in consequence, only smiled. "But he ain't the + worse, never a hair—or a scale I should rather say, to + be kensistent. Bless you, we all knows how to fall equally as + well's how to get up again! Only it's the most remarkable + thing, an' you would hardly believe it of any woman, miss, + though she's been married fourteen years come next Candlemas, + an' use they say's a second natur', it's never proved no + second nor no third natur' with her, for she's got no more + used to seein' the children, if it's nothin' but standin' on + their heads, than if it was the first time she'd ever heard + o' sich a thing. An' for standin' on my head—I don't + mean me standin' on my own head, that she don't mind no + more'n if it was a pin standin' on its head, which it's less + the natur' of a pin to do, as that's the way she first made + acquaintance with me, seein' me for the first time in her + life upside down, which I think sometimes it would be the + better way for women to choose their husbands in general, + miss, for it's a bad lot we are! But as to seein' of her own + flesh an' blood, that's them boys, all on 'em, miss, a + standin' on my head, or it might be one on my head an' the + other two on my shoulders, that she never come to look at + fair. She can't abide it, miss. By some strange okylar + delusion she takes me somehow for somewheres about the height + of St. Paul's, which if you was to fall off the ball, or even + the dome of the same, you <i>might</i> break your neck an' a + few bones besides, miss. But bless you, there ain't no + danger, an' she knows too, there ain't, only, as the doctor + says, she can't abide the look o' the thing. You see, miss, + we're all too much taken wi' the appearance o' + things—the doctor's right there!—an' if it warn't + for that, there's never a juggler could get on with his + tricks, for it's when you're so taken up with what he wants + you to see, that he does the thing he wants you not to see. + But as the doctor thinks it better to drop it, it's drop it + we will, an' wait till a more convenient time—that is, + when mother'll be a bit stronger. For I hope neither you, + miss, nor the doctor, won't give us up quite, seem' as how we + have a kind of a claim upon you—an' no offense, miss, + to you, or Mr. Christopher, sir!" + </p> + <p> + Hester, from whose presence the man had hitherto always + hastened to disappear, was astonished at this outpouring; but + Franks was emboldened by the presence of the doctor. The + moment, however, that his wife heard him give up thus their + little private exhibition in honor of the doctor, she raised + herself on her elbow. + </p> + <p> + "Now, you'll do no such a thing, John Franks!" she said with + effort. "It's ill it would become me, for my whims, as I + can't help, no more nor the child there, to prewent you from + showin' sich a small attention to the gentleman as helped me + through my trouble—God bless him, for it can't be no + pleasure! So I'm not agoin' to put on no airs as if I was a + fine lady. I've got to get used to't—that's the short + an' the long of it!—Only I'm slow at it!" she added + with a sigh, "Up you go, Moxy!" + </p> + <p> + Franks looked at the doctor. The doctor nodded his head as + much as to say, "You had better do as she wishes;" but Hester + saw that the eyes of the young man were all the time more + watchful of the woman than of the performance. + </p> + <p> + Immediately Franks, with a stage-bow, offered Hester a chair. + She hesitated a moment, for she felt shy of Mr. Christopher: + but as she had more fear of not behaving as she ought to the + people she was visiting, she sat down, and became for the + first time in her life a spectator of the feats of a family + of acrobats. + </p> + <p> + There might have seemed little remarkable in the display to + one in the occasional habit of seeing such things, and no + doubt to Mr. Christopher it had not much that was new; but to + Hester what each and all of them were capable of was + astonishing—more astonishing than pleasant, for she was + haunted for some time after with a vague idea of prevailing + distortion and dislocation. It was satisfactory nevertheless + to know that much labor of a very thorough and persevering + sort must have been expended upon their training before they + could have come within sight of the proficiency they had + gained. She believed this proficiency bore strong witness to + some kind of moral excellence in them, and that theirs might + well be a nobler way of life than many in which money is made + more rapidly, and which are regarded as more respectable. + There were but two things in the performance she found really + painful: one, that the youngest seemed hardly equal to the + physical effort required in those tricks, especially which he + had as yet mastered but imperfectly: and it was very plain + this was the chief source of trial to the nerves of the + mother. He was a sweet-looking boy, with a pale interesting + face, bent on learning his part, but finding it difficult. + The other thing that pained Hester, was, that the moment they + began to perform, the manner of the father toward his + children changed; his appearance also, and the very quality + of his voice changed, so that he seemed hardly the same man. + Just as some men alter their tone and speak roughly when they + address a horse, so the moment Franks assumed the teacher, he + assumed the tyrant, and spoke in a voice between the bark of + a dog and the growl of a brown bear. But the roughness had in + it nothing cruel, coming in part of his having had to teach + other boys than his own, whom he found this mode of utterance + assist him in compelling to give heed to his commands; in + part from his idea of the natural embodiment of authority. He + ordered his boys about with sternness, sometimes even + fiercely, swore at them indeed occasionally, and made Hester + feel very uncomfortable. + </p> + <p> + "Come, come, Franks!" said Mr. Christopher, on one of these + outbreaks. + </p> + <p> + The man stood silent for a moment "like one forbid," then + turning to Miss Raymount first, and next to his wife, said, + taking of his cap, + </p> + <p> + "I humbly beg your pardon, ladies. I forgot what company I + was in. But bless you, I mean nothing by it! It's only my + way. Ain't it now, mates—you as knows the old man?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, father; 'tain't nothin' more'n a way you've got," + responded the boys all, the little one loudest. + </p> + <p> + "You don't mind it, do you—knowin' as it's only to make + you mind what you're about?" + </p> + <p> + "No, father, <i>we</i> don't mind it. Go ahead, father," said + the eldest. + </p> + <p> + "But," said Franks, and here interjected an imprecation, + vulgarly called an oath, "if ever I hear one o' you a usin' + of sich improper words, I'll break every bone in his + carcase." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, father," answered the boys with one accord, + </p> + <p> + "It's all very well for fathers," he went on; "an' when + you're fathers yourselves, an' able to thrash me—not as + I think you'd want to, kids—I sha'nt ha' no call to + meddle with you. So here goes!" + </p> + <p> + Casting a timid glance at Hester, in the assurance that he + had set himself thoroughly right with her, showing himself as + regardful of his boys' manners as could justly be expected of + any parent, he proceeded with his lesson from the point where + he had left off. + </p> + <p> + As to breaking the boys' bones, there hardly seemed any bones + in them to break; gelatine at best seemed to be what was + inside their muscles, so wonderful were their feats, and + their pranks so strange. But their evident anxiety to please, + their glances full of question as to their success in making + their offering acceptable, their unconscious efforts to + supply the lacking excitement of the public gaze, and, more + than all, the occasional appearance amidst the marvels of + their performance, in which their bodies seemed mere + india-rubber in response to their wills, of a strangely + mingled touch of pathos, prevailed chiefly to interest Hester + in their endeavor. This last would appear in the occasional + suffering it caused Moxy, the youngest, to do as his father + required, but oftener in the incongruity between the lovely + expression of the boy's face, and the oddity of it when it + became the field of certain comicalities required of + him—especially when, stuck through between his feet, it + had to grin like a demon carved on the folding seat of a + choir-stall. Its sweet innocence, and the veil of suffering + cast over its best grin, suggesting one of Raphael's cherubs + attempting to play the imp, Hester found almost discordantly + pathetic. She could have caught the child to her bosom, but + alas! she had no right. She was already beginning to become + aware of the difficulty of the question as to when or how + much you may interfere with the outward conditions of men, or + help them save through the channels of the circumstance in + which you find them. The gentle suffering face seemed far + from its own sphere, that of a stray boy-angel come to give + her a lesson in the heavenly patience. His mother, whose + yellow hair and clear gray eyes were just like his, covered + her eyes with her hand, though she could not well see him + from where she lay, every time he had to do anything by + himself. + </p> + <p> + All at once the master of the ceremonies drew 'himself up, + and wiping his forehead, gave a deep sigh, as much as to say, + "I have done my best, and if I have not pleased you, the more + is my loss, for I have tried hard," and the performance was + over. + </p> + <p> + The doctor rose, and in a manly voice, whose tones were more + pleasing to Hester than the look of the man, which she did + not find attractive, proceeded to point out to Franks one or + two precautions which his knowledge of anatomy enabled him to + suggest, with regard to the training especially of the little + Moxy. At the same time he expressed himself greatly pleased + with what his host had been so kind as to show him, remarking + that the power to do such things implied labor more + continuous and severe than would have sufficed to the + learning of two or three trades. In reply, Franks, mistaking + the drift of the remark, and supposing it a gentle + remonstrance with what the doctor counted a waste of labor, + said, in a tone that sounded sad in the ears of Hester, + </p> + <p> + "What's a fellow to do, sir, when he 'ain't got no dinner? He + must take to the work as takes to him. There was no other + trade handy for me. My father he was a poor laborer, an' died + early, o' hard work an' many mouths. My mother lived but a + year after him an' I had to do for the kids whatever came + first to hand. There was two on 'em dead 'atwixt me an' the + next alive, so I was a long way ahead o' the rest, an' I + couldn't ha' seen them goin' to the dogs for want o' bread + while I was learnin' a trade, even if I had had one in my + mind more than another, which I never had. I always was a + lively lad, an' for want of anything better to do, for my + father wouldn't have us go to work till we was strong enough, + he said—an' for that matter it turned out well when the + hard time came—I used to amuse myself an' the rest by + standin' on my head an' twistin' of my body into all sorts o' + shapes—more'n it could well ha' been meant for to take. + An' when the circus come round, I would make friends wi' the + men, helpin' of 'em to look after their horses, an' they + would sometimes, jest to amuse theirselves, teach me tricks I + was glad enough to learn; an' they did say for a clod-hopper + I got on very well. But that, you see, sir, set my monkey up, + an' I took a hoath to myself I would do what none o' them + could do afore I died—an' some thinks, sir," he added + modestly, "as how I've done it—but that's neither here + nor there. The p'int is, that, when my mother followed my + father, an' the rest come upon my hands, I was able at once, + goin' about an' showin' off, to gather a few coppers for 'em. + But I soon found it was precious little I could get, no + matter what I could do so long as my clothes warn't the right + thing. So long as I didn't look my trade, they regarded my + best as nothing but a clumsy imitation of my betters, an' + laughed at what circus Joe said he couldn't do no better + hisself. So I plucks up heart an' goes to Longstreet, as was + the next market-town, an' into a draper's shop, an' tells 'em + what I wanted, an' what it was for, promisin' to pay part out + o' the first money I got, an' the rest as soon after as I + could. The chaps in the shop, all but one on em', larfed at + me; there's always one, or two p'raps, leastways sech as has + been my expearence, sir an' miss, as is better'n most o' the + rest, though it's a good thing everybody's not so + soft-hearted as my wife there, or the world would soon be + turned topsy turvey, an' the rogues have all the money out o' + the good folk's pockets, an' them turned beggars in their + turn, an' then the rogues wouldn't give them nothink, an' so + the good ones would die out, an' the world be full o' nothing + but damned rascals—I beg your pard'n, miss. But as I + was sayin', though I fared no better at the next shop nor the + next, there was one good woman I come to in a little shop in + a back street, an' she was a resemblin' of yourself, miss, + an' she took an' set me up in my trade, a givin' of me a few + remnants o' colored calico, God bless her! I set to with my + needle, an' I dressed myself as like a proper clown as I + could, an' painted my face beautiful, an' from that time till + they was able to do some'at for theirselves, I managed to + keep the kids in life. It wasn't much more, you see, but + life's life though it bean't tip-top style. An' if they're + none o' them doin' jest so well as they might, there's none + o' them been in pris'n yet, an' that's a comfort as long as + it lasts. An' when folk tells me I'm a doin' o' nothink o' no + good, an' my trade's o' no use to nobody, I says to them, + says I, 'Beggin' your pardon, sir, or ma'am, but do you call + it nothink to fill—leastways to <i>nigh</i> fill four + hungry little bellies at home afore I wur fifteen?' An' after + that, they ain't in general said nothink; an' one gen'leman + he give me 'alf-a-crown." + </p> + <p> + "The best possible answer you could have given, Franks," + rejoined Mr. Christopher. "But I think perhaps you hardly + understood what such objectors meant to say. They might have + gone on to explain, only they hadn't the heart after what you + told them, that most trades did something on both + sides—not only fed the little ones at home, but did + good to the persons for whom the work was done; that the man, + for instance, who cobbled shoes, gave a pair of dry feet to + some old man at the same time that he filled his own child's + hungry little stomach." + </p> + <p> + Franks was silent for a moment, thinking. + </p> + <p> + "I understand you, sir," he said. "But I think I knows trades + as makes a deal o' money, an' them they makes it out on's the + worse an' not the better. It's better to stand on a fellow's + own head than to sell gin; an' I 'most think it's as good as + the fire-work trade." + </p> + <p> + "You are quite right: there's not a doubt of it," answered + Mr. Christopher. "But mind you," he went on, "I don't for a + moment agree with those who tell you your trade is of no use. + I was only explaining to you what they meant; for it's always + best to know what people mean, even where they are wrong." + </p> + <p> + "Surely, sir, and I thank you kindly. Everybody's not so + fair." + </p> + <p> + Here he broke into a quiet laugh, so pleased was he to have + the doctor take his part. + </p> + <p> + "I think," Mr. Christopher went on, "to amuse people + innocently is often the only good you can do them. When done + lovingly and honestly, it is a Christian service." + </p> + <p> + This rather shocked Hester:—acrobatics a Christian + service. With her grand dawning idea mingled yet some foolish + notional remnants. She still felt as if going to church and + there fixing your thoughts on the prayers and the lessons and + the hymns and the sermon was the <i>serving</i> of God. She + turned rather sharply towards the doctor, with a feeling that + honesty called on her to speak; but not a word came to her + lips, for the best of reasons—that not a thought had + arisen in answer to his bold assertion. She was one of the + few who know when they have nothing to say. But Christopher + had observed the movement of dissent. + </p> + <p> + "Suppose," he went on, but without addressing her more than + before, still turning himself almost exclusively to + Franks—"Suppose somebody walking along Oxford Street, + brooding over an injury, and thinking how to serve the man + out that had done it to him. All the numberless persons and + things pass him on both sides and he sees none of + them—takes no notice of anything. But he spies a man in + Berners Street, in the middle of a small crowd, showing them + some tricks—we won't say so good as yours, Mr. Franks, + but he stops, and stares, and forgets for a moment or two + that there is one brother-man he hates and would kill if he + could." + </p> + <p> + Here Hester found words, and said, though all but inaudibly, + </p> + <p> + "He would only go away as soon as he had had enough of it, + and hate him all the same!" + </p> + <p> + "I know very well," answered Christopher, turning now to her, + "it would not make a good man of him: but, except the ways of + the world, its best ways and all, are to go for nothing in + God's plans, it must be something to have the bad mood in a + man stopped for a moment, just as it is something to a life + to check a fever. It gives the godlike in the man, feeble, + perhaps nearly exhausted, a fresh opportunity of revival. For + the moment at least, the man is open to influences from + another source than his hate. If the devil may catch a man at + unawares when he is in an evil or unthinking mood, why should + not the good Power take his opportunity when the evil spirit + is asleep through the harping of a David or the feats of a + Franks? I sometimes find, as I come from a theatre where I + have been occupied with the interests of a stirring play, + that, with a sudden rush of intelligence, I understand the + things best worth understanding better than before." + </p> + <p> + The illustration would have pleased Hester much had he said + "coming out of a concert-room," for she was not able to think + of God being in a theatre: perhaps that had some relation to + her inability to tell Saffy why God made the animals: she + could have found her a reason why he made the dogs, but not + why he made the monkeys. We are surrounded with things + difficult to understand, and the way most people take is not + to look at them lest they should find out they have to + understand them. Hester suspected scepticism under the + remarks of the doctor: most doctors, she believed, had more + than a leaning in that direction. But she had herself begun + to have a true notion of serving <i>man</i> at least; + therefore there was no fear of her not coming to see by and + by what serving God meant. She did serve him, therefore she + could not fail of finding out the word that belonged to the + act: no one who does not serve him ever can find out what + serving him means. Some people are constantly rubbing at + their skylights, but if they do not keep their other windows + clean also, there will not be much light in the house: God, + like his body, the light, is all about us, and prefers to + shine in upon us sideways: we could not endure the power of + his vertical glory; no mortal man can see God and live; and + he who loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, shall not + love his God whom he hath not seen. He will come to us in the + morning through the eyes of a child, when we have been gazing + all night at the stars in vain. + </p> + <p> + Hester rose. She was a little frightened at the very peculiar + man and his talk. She had made several attempts in the dull + light, but without much success, to see him as he watched the + contortions of the acrobats, which apparently he enjoyed more + than to her seemed reasonable. But, as with herself, it was + the boy Moxy that chiefly attracted him, though the show of + physical prowess was far from uninteresting to him; and + although what she saw through the smoky illumination of the + dip was not attractive to her, the question remains whether + it was really the man himself she saw, or only an appearance + made up of candle gleam and gloom, complemented by her + imagination. I will write what she saw, or thought she saw. + </p> + <p> + A rather thick-set man about thirty, in a rough shooting-coat + of a brownish gray with many pockets, a striped shirt, and a + black necktie—if tie it could be called that had so + little tie in it; a big head, with rather thick and long + straggling hair; a large forehead, and large gray eyes; the + remaining features well-formed—but rather fat, like the + rest of his not elegant person; and a complexion rather pale. + She thought he had quite a careless, if not a slightly rakish + look; but I believe a man, even in that light, would have + seen in him something manly and far from unattractive. He had + a rather gruff but not unmusical voice, with what some might + have thought a thread of pathos in it. He always reminded + certain of his friends of the portrait of Jean Paul in the + Paris edition of his works. He was hardly above the middle + height, and, I am sorry to say, wore his hat on the back of + his head, which would have given Solon or Socrates himself a + foolish look. Hester, however, as she declined his offer to + see her home, did not then become aware of this peculiarity, + which, to say the least, would have made her like him no + better. + </p> + <p> + The next time she went to see the Frankses, which was not for + four or five days, she found they were gone. They had told + Mrs. Baldwin that they were sorry to leave, but they must + look for a cheaper lodging—a better they could not hope + to find; and as the Baldwins had just had an application for + the rooms, they felt they must let them go. + </p> + <p> + Hester was disappointed not to have seen them once more, and + made them a little present as she had intended; and in after + times the memory of them was naturally the more interesting + that on Mrs. Franks she had first made experiment in the hope + of her calling, and in virtue of her special gift had not + once nor twice given sleep and rest to her and her babe. And + if it is a fine thing to thrill with delight the audience of + a concert-room—well-dined, well-dressed people, surely + it was not a little thing to hand God's gift of sleep to a + poor woman weary with the lot of women, and having so little, + as Hester thought, to make life a pleasure to her! + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Franks would doubtless have differed from Hester in this + judgment of her worldly condition, on the ground that she had + a good husband, and good children. Some are always thinking + others better off than themselves: others feel as if the lot + of many about them must be absolutely unbearable, because + they themselves could never bear it, they think. But things + are unbearable just until we have them to bear; their + possibility comes with them. For we are not the roots of our + own being. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch14"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIV. + </h2> + <h3> + VAVASOR AND HESTER. + </h3> + <p> + The visits of Vavasor, in reality to Hester, continued. For a + time they were more frequent, and he stayed longer. Hester's + more immediate friends, namely her mother and Miss Dasomma, + noted also, and with some increase of anxiety, that he began + to appear at the church they attended, a dull enough place, + without any possible attraction of its own for a man like + Vavasor: they could but believe he went thither for the sake + of seeing Hester. Two or three Sundays and he began to join + them as they came out, and walk part of the way home with + them. Next he went all the way, was asked to go in, and + invited to stay to lunch. + </p> + <p> + It may well seem strange that Mrs. Raymount, anxious as to + the result, should allow things to go on thus; but, in the + first place, she had such thorough confidence in Hester as + not to think it possible she should fall in love with such a + man as Vavasor; and, in the second place, it is wonderful + what weakness may co-exist with what strength, what + worldliness stand side by side with what + spirituality—for a time, that is, till the one, for one + must, overcome the other; Mrs. Raymount was pleased with the + idea of a possible marriage of such distinction for her + daughter, which would give her just the position she counted + her fit for. These mutually destructive considerations were, + with whatever logical inconsistency, both certainly operative + in her. Then again, they knew nothing against the young man! + He made himself agreeable to every one in the house. In + Addison Square he showed scarce the faintest shadow of the + manner which made him at the bank almost hated. In the square + not only was he on his good behavior as in a private house, + but his heart, and his self-respect, as he would have called + his self-admiration, were equally concerned in his looking + his best—which always means looking better than one's + best. Then in Hester's company his best was always uppermost, + and humility being no part of this best, he not merely felt + comfortable and kindly disposed—which he was—but + good in himself and considerate of others—which he was + not. There was that in Hester and his feeling towards her + which had upon him what elevating influence he was yet + capable of receiving, and this fact said more for him than + anything else. She seemed gaining a power over him that could + not be for other than good with any man who submitted to it. + It had begun to bring out and cherish what was best in a + disposition far from unamiable, although nearly ruined by + evil influences on all sides. Both glad and proud to see her + daughter thus potent, how, thought Mrs. Raymount, could she + interfere? It was plain he was improving. Not once now did + they ever hear him jest on anything belonging to + church!—As to anything belonging to religion, he + scarcely knew enough in that province to have any material + for jesting.—If Vavasor was falling in love with + Hester, the danger was for him—lest she, who to her + mother appeared colder than any lady she knew, should not + respond with like affection. + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma was more awake. She knew better than Mrs. + Raymount the kind of soil in which this human plant had been + reared, and saw more danger ahead. She feared the young man + was but amusing himself, or at best enjoying Hester's company + as some wary winged thing enjoys the flame, courting a few + singes, not quite avoiding even a slight plumous + conflagration, but careful not to turn a delightful + imagination into a consuming reality, beyond retreat and + self-recovery. She could not believe him as careless of + himself as of her, but judged he was what he would to himself + call flirting with her—which had the more danger for + Hester that there was not in her mind the idea corresponding + to the phrase. I believe he declined asking himself whither + the enjoyment of the hour was leading; and I fancy he found + it more easy to set aside the question because of the + difference between his social position and that of the lady. + Possibly he regarded himself as honoring the low neighborhood + of Addison Square by the frequency of his shining presence; + but I think he was at the same time feeling the good + influences of which I have spoken more than he knew, or would + have liked to acknowledge to himself; for he had never turned + his mind in the direction of good; and it was far more from + circumstance than refusal that he was not yet the more + hurtful member of society which his no-principles were surely + working to make him. + </p> + <p> + Hester was of course greatly interested in him. She had been + but little in society, had not in the least studied men, and + could not help being pleased with the power she plainly had + over him, and which as plainly went on increasing. Even + Corney, not very observant or penetrating, remarked on the + gentleness of his behavior in their house. He followed every + word of Hester's about his singing, and showed himself even + anxious to win her approbation by the pains he took and the + amount of practice he went through to approach her idea of + song. He had not only ceased to bring forward his heathenish + notions as to human helplessness and fate, but allowed what + at first she let fall as mere hints concerning the individual + mission of every human being to blossom in little outbursts + concerning duty without show of opposition, listening with a + manner almost humble, and seeming on the way to allow there + might be some reality in such things. Whether any desire of + betterment was now awake in him through the power of her + spiritual presence, I cannot tell; but had Mrs. Raymount seen + as much of him as Hester, she would have been yet better + justified in her hope of him. For Hester, she thought first, + and for some time, only of doing him good, nor until she + imagined some success, did the danger to her begin. + </p> + <p> + After that, with every fresh encouragement the danger + grew—for just so much grew the danger of selfcoming in + and getting the upper-hand. + </p> + <p> + I do not suppose that Vavasor once consciously laid himself + out to deceive her, or make her think him better than he + thought himself. With a woman of Hester's instincts, there + might have been less danger if he had; she also would then + perhaps have been aware of the present untruth, and have + recoiled. But if he had any he had but the most rudimentary + notion of truth in the inward parts, and could deceive the + better that he did not know he was deceiving. As little + notion had he of the nature of the person he was dealing + with, or the reality to her of the things of which she + spoke;—belief was to him at most the mere difference + between decided and undecided opinion. Nay, she spoke the + language of a world whose existence he was incapable at + present of recognizing, for he had never obeyed one of its + demands, which language therefore meant to him nothing like + what it meant to her. His natural inborn proclivities to the + light had, through his so seldom doing the deeds of the + light, become so weak, that he hardly knew such a thing as + reform was required of, possible to, or desirable in him. + Nothing seemed to him to matter except "good form." To see + and hear him for a few minutes after leaving her and entering + his club, would have been safety to Hester. I do not mean + that he was of the baser sort there, but whatever came up + there, he would meet on its own grounds, and respond to in + its own kind. + </p> + <p> + He was certainly falling more and more into what most people + call <i>love</i>. How little regard there may be in that for + the other apart from the self I will not now inquire, but + what I may call the passionate side of the spiritual was more + affected in him than ever previously. As to what he meant he + did not himself know. When intoxicated with the idea of her, + that is when thinking what a sensation she would make in his + grand little circle, he felt it impossible to live without + her: some way must be found! it could not be his fate to see + another triumph in her!—He called his world a circle + rightly enough: it was no globe, nothing but + surface.—Whether or not she Would accept him he never + asked himself; almost awed in her presence, he never when + alone doubted she would. Had he had anything worthy the name + of property coming with the title, he would have proposed to + her at once, he said to himself. But who with only the most + beautiful wife in the world, would encounter a naked earldom! + The thing would be raging madness—as unjust to Hester + as to himself! How just, how love-careful he was not to ask + her—considerate for her more than himself! But perhaps + <i>she</i> might have expectations! That could hardly be: no + one with anything would slave as her governor did, morning, + noon and night! True his own governor was her + uncle—there was money in the family; but people never + left their money to their poor relations! To marry her would + be to live on his salary, in a small house in St. John's + wood, or Park Village—perhaps even in Camden Town, ride + home in the omnibus every night like one of a tin of + sardines, wear half-crown gloves, cotton socks, and + ten-and-six-penny hats: the prospect was too hideous to be + ludicrous even! Would the sweetness of the hand that darned + the socks make his over-filled shoe comfortable? And when the + awful family began to come on, she would begin to go off! A + woman like her, living in ease and able to dress + well—by Jove, she might keep her best points till she + was fifty! If there was such a providence as Hester so + dutifully referred to, it certainly did not make the best + things the easiest to get! How could it care for a fellow's + happiness, or even for his leading a correct life! Would he + not be a much better man if allowed to have + Hester!—whereas in all probability she would fall to + the lot of some quill-driver like her father—a man that + made a livelihood by drumming his notions into the ears of + people that did not care a brass farthing about + them!—Thus would Vavasor's love-fits work themselves + off—declining from cold noon to a drizzly mephitic + twilight. + </p> + <p> + It was not soon that he risked an attempt to please her with + a song of his own. There was just enough unconscious truth in + him to make him a little afraid of Hester. Commonplace as + were in the most thorough sense the channels in which his + thoughts ran, he would not for less than a fortune have + risked encountering her scorn. For he believed, and therein + he was right, that she was capable of scorn, and that of no + ordinarily withering quality: Hester had not yet gathered the + sweet gentleness that comes of long breathing the air of the + high countries. It is generally many years before a strong + character learns to think of itself as it ought to think. + While there is left in us the possibility of scorn we know + not quite the spirit we are of—still less if we imagine + we may keep this or that little shadow of a fault. But Hester + was far less ready to scorn on her own account than on the + part of another. And if she had fairly seen into the mind + interesting her so much, seen how poverty-stricken it was, + and with how little motion towards the better, she would + indeed have felt a great rush of scorn, but chiefly against + herself for being taken in after such a fool's-fashion. + </p> + <p> + But he had come to understand Hester's taste so far as to + know certain qualities she would not like in a song; he could + even be sure she would like this one or that; and although of + many he could not be certain, having never reached the + grounds of her judgment, he had not yet offended her with any + he brought her—and so by degrees he had generated the + resolve to venture something himself in the hope of pleasing + her: he flattered himself he knew her <i>style</i>! He was + very fond of the word, and had an idea that all writers, to + be of any account, must fashion their style after that of + this or the other master. How the master got it, or whether + it might not be well to go back to the seed and propagate no + more by cutting, it never occurred to him to ask. In the + prospect of one day reaching the bloom of humanity in the + conservatory of the upper house, he already at odd moments + cultivated his style by reading aloud the speeches of + parliamentary orators; but the thought never came to him that + there was no such thing <i>per se</i> as <i>speaking + well</i>, that there was no cause of its existence except + <i>thinking well</i>, were the grandfather, and <i>something + to say</i> the father of if—something so well worth + saying that it gave natural utterance to its own shape. If + you had told him this, and he had, as he thought, perceived + the truth of it, he would immediately have desired some fine + thing to say, in order that he might say it well! He could + not have been persuaded that, if one has nothing worth + saying, the best possible style for him is just the most + halting utterance that ever issued from empty skull. To make + a good speech was the grand thing! what side it was on, the + right or the wrong, was a point unthinkable with him. Even + whether the speaker believed what he said was of no + consequence—except that, if he did not, his speech + would be the more admirable, as the greater <i>tour de + force</i>, and himself the more admirable as the cleverer + fellow. + </p> + <p> + Knowing that Hester was fond of a good ballad, he thought at + first to try his hand on one: it could not be difficult, he + thought! But he found that, like everything else, a ballad + was easy enough if you could do it, and more than difficult + enough if you could not: after several attempts he wisely + yielded the ambition; his gift did not lie in that direction! + He had, however, been so long in the habit of writing + drawing-room verses that he had better ground for hoping he + might produce something in that kind which the too severe + taste of Hester could yet admire! It would be a great stroke + towards placing him in a right position towards + her—one, namely, in which his intellectual faculty + would be more manifest! It should be a love song, and he + would present it as one he had written long ago: as such it + would say the more for him while it would not commit him. + </p> + <p> + So one evening as he stood by her piano, he said all at once: + </p> + <p> + "By the bye, Miss Raymount, last night, as I was turning over + some songs I wrote many years ago, I came upon one I thought + I should like you just to look at—not the + music—that is worth nothing, though I was proud enough + of it then and thought it an achievement; but the words I + still think are not so bad—considering. They are so far + from me now that I am able to speak of them as if they were + not mine at all!" + </p> + <p> + "Do let me see them!" said Hester, hiding none of the + interest she felt, though fearing a little she might not have + to praise them so much as she would like. + </p> + <p> + He took the song from his pocket, and smoothed it out before + her on the piano. + </p> + <p> + "Read it to me, please," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "No; excuse me," he answered with a little shyness, the + rarest of phenomena in his spiritual atmosphere; "I + <i>could</i> not read it aloud. But do not let it bore you + if—" + </p> + <p> + He did not finish his sentence, and Hester was already busy + with his manuscript. + </p> + <p> + Here is the song: + </p> + <pre> + If thou lov'st I dare not ask thee, + Lest thou say, "Not thee;" + Prythee, then, in coldness mask thee, + That it <i>may</i> be me. + + If thou lov'st me do not tell me, + Joy would make me rave, + And the bells of gladness knell me + To the silent grave. + + If thou lovest not thy lover, + Neither veil thine eyes, + Nor to his poor heart discover + What behind them lies. + + Be not cruel, be not tender; + Grant me twilight hope; + Neither would I die of splendor, + Nor in darkness mope. + + I entreat thee for no favor, + Smallest nothingness; + I will hoard thy dropt glove's savor, + Wafture of thy dress. + + So my love shall daring linger! + Moth-like round thy flame; + Move not, pray, forbidden finger— + Death to me thy blame. +</pre> + <p> + Vavasor had gone half-way towards Mrs. Raymount, then turned, + and now stood watching Hester. So long was her head bent over + his paper that he grew uncomfortably anxious. At length, + without lifting her eyes, she placed it on the stand before + her, and began to try its music. Then Vavasor went to her + hurriedly, for he felt convinced that if she was not quite + pleased with the verses, it would fare worse with the music, + and begged she would not trouble herself with anything so + childish. Even now he knew less about music than poetry, he + said. + </p> + <p> + "I wanted you to see the verses, and the manuscript being + almost illegible I had to copy it; so, in a mechanical mood, + I copied the music also. Please let me have them again. I + feared they were not worth your notice! I know it now." + </p> + <p> + Hester, however, would not yield the paper, but began again + to read it: Vavasor's writing, out of the bank, was one of + those irritating hands that wrong not only with the absence + of legibility but with the show of its presence, and she had + not yet got so clear a notion of his verses as a mere glance + of them in print would have given her. Why she did not quite + like them she did not yet know, and was anxious not to be + unfair. That they were clever she did not doubt; they had for + one thing his own air of unassumed ease, and she could not + but feel they had some claim to literary art. This added a + little to her hesitation, not in pronouncing on + them—she was far from that yet—but in recognizing + what she felt about them. Had she had a suspicion of the lie + he had told her, and that they were the work of yesterday, it + would at once have put leagues between them, and made the + verses hateful to her. As it was, the more she read and + thought, the farther she seemed from a conclusion, and the + time Vavasor stood there waiting, appeared to both of them + three times as long as it really was. At last he felt he was + pounded and must try back. + </p> + <p> + "You have discovered," he said, "that the song is an + imitation of Sir John Suckling!" + </p> + <p> + He had never thought of the man while writing it. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know anything of him," answered Hester, looking up. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor knew nothing was more unlikely than that she should + know anything of him. + </p> + <p> + "When did he write?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "In the reign of Charles I., I believe," he answered. + </p> + <p> + "But tell me," said Hester, "where is the good of imitating + anyone—even the best of writers. Our own original, + however poor, must be the thing for us! To imitate is to + repudiate our own being." + </p> + <p> + "That I admit," answered Vavasor, who never did anything + original except when he followed his instincts; "but for a + mere trial of skill an imitation is admissible—don't + you think?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, surely," replied Hester; "only it seems to me a waste of + time—especially with such a gift as you have of your + own!" + </p> + <p> + "At all events," said Vavasor, hiding his gratification with + false humility, "there was no great presumption in a shy at + Suckling!" + </p> + <p> + "There may have been the more waste," returned Hester. "I + would sooner imitate Bach or even Handel than Verdi." + </p> + <p> + Vavasor could stand a good deal of censure if mingled with + some praise—which he called appreciation. Of this + Hester had given him enough to restore his spirits, and had + also suggested a subject on which he found he could talk. + </p> + <p> + "But," he said, "how can it be worse for me to imitate this + or that writer, than for you to play over and over music you + could easily excel." + </p> + <p> + "I never practice music," answered Hester, "not infinitely + better than I could write myself. But playing is a different + thing altogether from writing. I play as I eat my + dinner—because I am hungry. My hunger I could never + satisfy with any amount of composition or extemporization of + my own. My land would not grow corn enough, or good enough + for my necessity. My playing merely corresponds to your + reading of your favorite poets—especially if you have + the habit of reading aloud like my father." + </p> + <p> + "They do not seem to me quite parallel," rejoined Vavasor, + who had learned that he lost nothing with Hester by opposing + her—so long as no moral difference was involved. In + questions of right and wrong he always agreed with her so far + as he dared expression where he understood so little, and for + that very reason, in dread of seeming to have no opinion of + his own, made a point of differing from her where he had a + safe chance. "One may read both poetry and music at sight, + but you would never count such reading of music a + reproduction of it. That requires study and labor, as well as + genius and an art <i>like</i> those which produce it." + </p> + <p> + "I am equally sure you can never read anything worth + reading," returned Hester, "as it ought to be read, until you + understand it at least as well as the poet himself. To do a + poem justice, the reader must so have pondered phrase and + word as to reproduce meaning and music in all the + inextricable play of their lights and shades. I never came + near doing the kind of thing I mean with any music till I had + first learned it thoroughly by heart. And that too is the + only way in which I can get to understand some poetry!" + </p> + <p> + "But is it not one of the excellences of poetry to be easy?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, surely, when what the poet has to say is easy. But what + if the thoughts themselves be of a kind hard to put into + shape? There's Browning!" + </p> + <p> + Of Browning Vavasor knew only that in his circle he was + laughed at—for in it a man who had made a feeble + attempt or two to understand him, and had failed as he + deserved, was the sole representative of his readers. That he + was hard to understand Hester knew, for she understood enough + of him to believe that where she did not understand him he + was perhaps only the better worth understanding. She knew + how, lover of music as she was, she did not at first care for + Bach; and how in the process of learning to play what he + wrote she came to understand him. + </p> + <p> + To her reference to Browning then, Vavasor did not venture a + reply. None of the poetry indeed by him cultivated was of any + sort requiring study. The difficulty Hester found in his song + came of her trying to see more than was there; her eyes made + holes in it, and saw the less. Vavasor's mental condition was + much like that of one living in a vacuum or sphere of + nothing, in which the sole objects must be such as he was + creator enough to project from himself. He had no feeling + that he was in the heart of a crowded universe, between all + whose great verities moved countless small and smaller + truths. Little notion had he that to learn these after the + measure of their importance, was his business, with eternity + to do it in! He made of himself but a cock, set for a while + on the world's heap to scratch and pick. + </p> + <p> + When he was gone, leaving his manuscript behind him, Hester + set to it again, and trying the music over, was by it so far + enlightened that she despaired of finding anything in it, and + felt a good deal disappointed. + </p> + <p> + For she was continuing to gather interest in Vavasor, though + slowly, as was natural with a girl of her character. But she + had no suspicion <i>how</i> empty he was, for it was scarcely + possible for her to imagine a person indifferent to the truth + of things, or without interest in his own character and its + growth. Being all of a piece herself, she had no conception + of a nature all in pieces—with no unity but that of + selfishness. Her nature did now and then receive from his a + jar and shock, but she generally succeeded in accounting for + such as arising from his lack of development—a + development which her influence over him would favor. If she + felt some special pleasure in the possession of that + influence, who will blame her for the weakness? + </p> + <p> + Women are being constantly misled by the fancy and hope of + being the saviours of men! It is natural to goodness and + innocence, but not the less is the error a disastrous one. + There ought surely at least to be of success some probability + as well founded as rare, to justify the sacrifices involved. + Is it well that a life of supreme suffering should be gone + through for nothing but an increase of guilt? It will be said + that patience reaps its reward; but I fear too many patiences + fail, and the number of resultant saints is small. The thing + once done, the step no longer retrievable, fresh duty is + born, and divine good will result from what suffering may + arise in the fulfillment of the same. The conceit or ambition + itself which led to the fault, may have to be cured by its + consequences. But it may well be that a woman does more to + redeem a man by declining than by encouraging his attentions. + I dare not say how much a woman is not to do for the + redemption of a man; but I think one who obeys God will + scarcely imagine herself free to lay her person in the arms, + and her happiness in the bosom of a man whose being is a + denial of him. Good Christians not Christians enough to + understand this, may have to be taught by the change of what + they took for love into what they know to be disgust. It is + very hard for the woman to know whether her influence has any + real <i>power</i> over the man. It is very hard for the man + himself to know; for the passion having in itself a + betterment, may deceive him as well as her. It might be well + that a woman asked herself whether moral laxity or genuine + self-devotion was the more persuasive in her to the + sacrifice. If her best hope be to restrain the man within + certain bounds, she is not one to imagine capable of any + noble anxiety. God cares nothing about keeping a man + respectable; he will give his very self to make of him a true + man. But that needs God; a woman is not enough for it. This + cannot be God's way of saving bad men. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch15"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XV. + </h2> + <h3> + A SMALL FAILURE. + </h3> + <p> + Vavasor at length found he must not continue to visit Hester + so often, while not ready to go further; and that, much as he + was in love—proportionately, that is, to his faculty + for loving—he dare not do. But for the + unconventionality of the Raymounts he would have reached the + point long before. He began, therefore, to lessen the number, + and shorten the length of his appearances in Addison Square. + </p> + <p> + But so doing he became the more aware of the influence she + had been exercising upon him—found that he had come to + feel differently about certain things—that her opinion + was a power on his consciousness. He had nowise begun to + change his way; he had but been inoculated, and was therefore + a little infected, with her goodness. In his ignorance he + took the alteration for one of great moral significance, and + was wonderfully pleased with himself. His natural kindness, + for instance, towards the poor and suffering—such at + least as were not offensive—was quickened. He took no + additional jot of trouble about them, only gave a more + frequent penny to such as begged of him, and had more than a + pennorth of relief in return. It was a good thing, and rooted + in a better, that his heart should require such relief, but + it did not indicate any advanced stage of goodness, or one + inconsistent with profoundest unselfishness. He prided + himself on one occasion that he had walked home to give his + last shilling to a poor woman, whereas in truth he walked + home because he found he had given her his last. Yet there + was a little more movement of the sap of his nature, as even + his behavior in the bank would have testified, had there been + any one interested in observing him. + </p> + <p> + Hester was annoyed to find herself disappointed when he did + not appear, and betook herself to a yet more diligent + exercise of her growing vocation. The question suggested + itself whether it might not further her plans to be + associated with a sisterhood, but her family relations made + it undesirable, and she felt that the angle of her calling + could ill consent to be under foreign rule. She began, + however, to widen her sphere a little by going about with a + friend belonging to a sisterhood—not in her own + quarter, for she did not wish her special work to be crossed + by any prejudices. There she always went alone, and seldom + entered a house without singing in several of its rooms + before she came away—often having to sing some old song + before her audience would listen to anything new, and finding + the old song generally counted the best thing in her + visit—except by the children, to whom she would + frequently tell a fairy tale, singing the little rhymes she + made come into it. She had of course to encounter rudeness, + but she set herself to get used to it, and learn not to + resent it but let it pass. One coming upon her surrounded by + a child audience, might have concluded her insensible of what + was owing to herself; but the feeling of what was owing to + her fellows, who had to go such a long unknown way to get + back to the image of God, made her strive to forget herself. + It is well that so many who lightly try this kind of work + meet with so little encouragement; if it had the result they + desire, they would be ruined themselves by it, whatever + became of their poor. + </p> + <p> + Hester's chief difficulty was in getting the kind of song fit + for her purpose; and from it she gained the advantage of + reading, or at least looking into, with more or less of + reading as many of the religious poets recognized in our + history as she could lay her hands upon; where she failed in + finding the thing she wanted, she yet often found what was + welcome. She would stop at nearly every book-stall she + passed, and book-stalls were plentiful in her neighborhood, + searching for old hymn-books and collections of poetry, every + one of which is sure to have something the searcher never saw + before. + </p> + <p> + About this time, in connection with a fresh and noble + endeavor after bettering the homes of the poor originated, I + had almost said <i>of course</i>, by a woman, the experiment + was in several places made of gathering small assemblies of + the poor in the neighborhood of their own dwellings, that the + ladies in charge of the houses in which they lived might, + with the help of friends, give them an unambitious but + honestly attempted concert. At one of these concerts Hester + was invited to assist, and went gladly, prepared to do her + best. It had, however, been arranged that any of the audience + who would like to sing, should be allowed to make their + contributions also to the enjoyment of the evening; and it + soon became evident that the company cared for no singing but + that of their own acquaintance; and they, for their part, + were so bent on singing, and so supported and called for each + other, that it seemed at length the better way to abandon the + platform to them. There was nothing very objectionable in the + character of any of the songs sung—their substance in + the main was flaunting sentiment—but the singing was + for the most part atrociously bad, and the resulting + influence hardly what the projectors of the entertainment had + had in view. It might be well that they should enjoy + themselves so; it might be well that they should have + provided for them something better than they could produce; + but, to judge from the experiment, it seemed useless to + attempt the combination of the two. Hester, having listened + through a half-hour of their singing, was not a little + relieved to learn that she would not be called upon to fulfil + her engagement, and the company of benefactors went home + foiled but not too much disappointed for a good laugh over + their fiasco before they parted. The affair set Hester + thinking; and before morning she was ready with a scheme to + which she begged her mother to gain her father's consent. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch16"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVI. + </h2> + <h3> + THE CONCERT ROOM. + </h3> + <p> + The house in which they lived, and which was their own, was a + somewhat remarkable one—I do not mean because it + retained almost all the old-fashionedness of a hundred and + fifty years, but for other reasons. Beside the ordinary + accommodation of a good-sized London house with three + drawing-rooms on the first floor it had a quite unusual + provision for the receiving of guests. At the top of the + first landing, rather more than half-way up the stair, that + is, there was a door through the original wall of the house + to a long gallery, which led to a large and lofty room, + apparently, from the little orchestra half-way up one of the + walls, intended for dancing. Since they had owned the house + it had been used only as a playroom for the children; Mr. + Raymount always intended to furnish it, but had not yet done + so. The house itself was indeed a larger one than they + required, but he had a great love of room. It had been in the + market for some time when, hearing it was to be had at a low + price, he stretched more than a point to secure it. Beneath + the concert-room was another of the same area, but so low, + being but the height of the first landing of the stairs, that + it was difficult to discover any use that could be made of + it, and it continued even more neglected than the other. + Below this again were cellars of alarming extent and + obscurity, reached by a long vaulted passage. What they could + have been intended for beyond ministering to the dryness of + the rooms above, I cannot imagine; they would have held coal + and wood and wine, everything natural to a cellar, enough for + one generation at least. The history of the house was + unknown. There was a nailed-up door in the second of the + rooms I have mentioned which was said to lead into the next + house; but as the widow who lived there took every + opportunity of making herself disagreeable, they had not + ventured to propose an investigation. There was no garden, + for the whole of the space corresponding to the gardens on + each side was occupied with this addition to the original + house. The great room was now haunting Hester's brain and + heart; if only her father would allow her to give in it a + concert to her lowly friends and acquaintance! + </p> + <p> + Questions concerning the condition of the poor in our large + towns had, from the distance of speculation and the press, + been of late occupying a good deal of Mr. Raymount's + attention, and he believed that he was enlightening the world + on those most important perhaps of all the social questions + of our day, their wrongs and their rights. He little + suspected that his daughter was doing more for the poor, + almost without knowing it, than he with all his conscious + wisdom. She could not, however, have made her request at a + more auspicious moment, for he was just then feeling + specially benignant towards them, an article in which he had, + as he believed, uttered himself with power on their behalf, + having come forth to the light of eyes that very day. + Besides, though far from unprejudiced, he had a horror of + prejudice, and the moment he suspected a prejudice, hunted it + almost as uncompromisingly in himself as in another: most + people surmising a fault in themselves rouse every individual + bristle of their nature to defend and retain the thing that + degrades them! He therefore speedily overcame his first + reluctance, and agreed to his daughter's strange proposal. He + was willing to make as much of an attempt towards the + establishment of relations with the class he befriended. It + was an approach which, if not quite clear of condescension, + was not therefore less than kindly meant; and had his guests + behaved as well as he, they would from that day have found + him a friend as progressive as steady. Hester was greatly + delighted with his ready compliance with her request. + </p> + <p> + From that day for nearly a fortnight there were busy doings + in the house. At once a couple of charwomen were turned loose + in the great room for a thorough cleaning, but they had made + little progress with what might have been done, ere Mr. + Raymount perceived that no amount of their cleaning could + take away its dirty look, and countermanding and postponing + their proceedings, committed the dingy place to painters and + paperhangers, under whose hands it was wonderful to see how + gradually it put on a gracious look fit to welcome the human + race withal. Although no white was left about it except in + the ceiling for the sake of the light, scarce in that + atmosphere, it looked as if twice the number of windows had + been opened in its walls. The place also looked larger, for + in its new harmonies of color, one part led to another, + introducing it, and by division the eye was enabled to + measure and appreciate the space. To Saffy and Mark their + playroom seemed transformed into a temple; they were almost + afraid to enter it. Every noise in it sounded twice as loud + as before, and every muddy shoe made a print. + </p> + <p> + The day for the concert was at length fixed a week off, and + Hester began to invite her poorer friends and neighbors to + spend its evening at her father's house, when her mother + would give them tea, and she would sing to them. The married + women were to bring their husbands if they would come, and + each young woman might bring a friend. Most of the men, as a + matter of course, turned up their noses at the invitation, + but were nevertheless from curiosity inclined to go. Some + declared it impossible any house in that square should hold + the number invited. Some spoke doubtfully; they <i>might</i> + be able to go! they were not sure! and seemed to regard + consent as a favor, if not a condescension. Of these, + however, two or three were hampered by the uncertainty as to + the redemption of their best clothes from the pawnbroker. + </p> + <p> + In requesting the presence of some of the small tradespeople, + Hester asked it as a favor: she begged their assistance to + entertain their poorer neighbors; and so put, the invitation + was heartily accepted. In one case at least, however, she + forgot this precaution; and the consequence was that the wife + of a certain small furniture-broker began to fume on + recognition of some in her presence. While she was drinking + her second cup of tea her eyes kept roving. As she set it + down, she caught sight of Long Tim, but a fortnight out of + prison, rose at once, made her way out fanning herself + vigorously, and hurried home boiling over with + wrath—severely scalding her poor husband who had staid + from his burial-club that she might leave the shop. The woman + was not at all of a bad sort, only her dignity was hurt. + </p> + <p> + The hall and gallery were brilliantly lighted, and the room + itself looked charming—at least in the eyes of those + who had been so long watching the process of its + resurrection. Tea was ready before the company began to + arrive—in great cans with taps, and was handed round by + ladies and gentlemen. The meal went off well, with a good + buzz of conversation. The only unpleasant thing was, that + several of the guests, mindful like other dams of their cubs + at home, slipped large pieces of cake into their pockets for + their behoof; but this must not be judged without a just + regard to their ways of thinking, and was not a tenth part so + bad as many of the ways in which well-bred persons + appropriate slices of other people's cakes without once + suspecting the category in which they are doomed to find + themselves. + </p> + <p> + When the huge urns and the remnants of food were at length + removed, and the windows had been opened for a minute to + change the air, a curtain rose suddenly at the end of the + room, and revealed a small stage decorated with green + branches and artificial flowers, in the center of it a piano, + on the piano music, and at the piano Hester, now first seen, + having reserved her strength for her special duty. + </p> + <p> + When the assembly caught sight of her turning over the leaves + of her music, a great silence fell. The moment she began to + play, all began to talk. With the first tone of her voice, + every other ceased. She had chosen a ballad with a sudden + arid powerfully dramatic opening, and, a little anxious, a + little irritated also with their talking while she played, + began in a style that would have compelled attention from a + herd of cattle. But the ballad was a little too long for + them, and by the time it was half sung they had begun to talk + again, and exchange opinions concerning it. All agreed that + Miss Raymount had a splendid voice, but several of those who + were there by second-hand invitation could find a woman to + beat her easily! Their criticisms were, nevertheless, not + unfriendly—in general condescending and patronizing. I + believe most of this class regarded their presence as a favor + granted her. Had they not come that she might show off to + them, and receive their approbation! Amongst the poor the + most refined and the coarsest-grained natures are to be met + side by side—egg-china and drain-tubing in the same + shop—just as in <i>respectable</i> circles. The + rudeness of the cream of society is more like that of the + unwashed than that of any intermediate class; while often the + manners of the well-behaved poor are equalled by those only + of the best bred in the country. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch17"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVII. + </h2> + <h3> + AN UNINVITED GUEST. + </h3> + <p> + Vavasor had not heard of the gathering. In part from doubt of + his sympathy, in part from dislike of talking about doing, + Hester had not mentioned it. When she lifted her eyes at the + close of her ballad, not a little depressed at having failed + to secure the interest of her audience, it was with a great + gush of pleasure that she saw near the door the face of her + friend. She concluded that he had heard of her purpose and + had come to help her. Even at that distance she could see + that he was looking very uncomfortable, annoyed, she did not + doubt, by the behavior of her guests. A rush of new strength + and courage went from heart to brain. She rose and advancing + to the front of the little stage, called out, in a clear + voice that rang across the buzz and stilled it. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Vavasor, will you come and help me?" + </p> + <p> + Now Vavasor was in reality not a little disgusted at what he + beheld. He had called without a notion of what was going on, + and seeing the row of lights along the gallery as he was + making for the drawing-room, had changed his direction and + followed it, knowing nothing of the room to which it led. + Blinded by the glare, and a little bewildered by the + unexpectedness of the sight, he did not at first discern the + kind of company he had entered; but the state of the + atmosphere was unaccountable, and for a moment it seemed as + if, thinking to enter Paradise, he had mistaken and opened + the left-hand door. Presently his eyes coming to themselves, + confirmed the fact that he was in the midst of a notable + number of the unwashed. He had often talked with Hester about + the poor, and could not help knowing that she had great + sympathy with them. He was ready indeed as they were now a + not unfashionable subject in some of the minor circles of the + world's elect, to talk about them with any one he might meet. + But in the poor themselves he could hardly be said to have + the most rudimentary interest; and that a lady should degrade + herself by sending her voice into such ears, and coming into + actual contact with such persons and their attendant + disgusts—except indeed it were for electioneering + purposes—exposing both voice and person to their + abominable remarks, was to him a thing simply + incomprehensible. The admission of such people to a + respectable house, and the entertainment of them as at a + music hall, could have its origin only in some wild + semi-political scheme of the old fellow, who had more + crotchets in his head than brain could well hold! It was a + proceeding as disgraceful as extraordinary! Puh! Could the + tenth part of the air present be oxygen? To think of the + woman he worshipped being in such a hell! + </p> + <p> + The woman he could honor little by any worship he gave her, + was far more secure from evil eyes and evil thoughts in that + company than she would have been in any drawing-room of his + world. Her angel would rather see her where she was. + </p> + <p> + But the glorious tones ceased, the ballad was at an end, and + the next moment, to his dismay, the voice which in its poetry + he had delighted to imagine thrilling the listeners in a + great Belgravian drawing-room came to him in prose across the + fumes of that Bloomsbury music hall, clear and brave and + quiet, asking him, the future earl of Gartley, to come and + help the singer! Was she in trouble? Had her father forced + her into the false position in which she found herself? And + did she seek refuge with him the moment he made his + appearance? Certainly such was not the tone of her appeal! + But these reflections flashing through his brain, caused not + a moment's delay in Vavasor's response. With the perfect + command of that portion of his being turned towards the + public on which every man like him prides himself, and with + no shadow of expression on his countenance beyond that of a + perfect equanimity, he was instantly on his way to her, + shouldering a path in the gentlest manner through the + malodorous air. + </p> + <p> + "This comes," he said to himself as he went, "of her foolish + parents' receiving so little company that for the free + exercise of her great talent she is driven to such as this! + For song must have audience, however unfit! There was Orpheus + with his! Genius was always eccentric! If he could but be her + protection against that political father, that Puritan + mother, and that idiotic brother of hers, and put an end to + this sort of thing before it came to be talked about!" + </p> + <p> + He grew bitter as with smiling face but shrinking soul he + made his way through that crowd of his fellow-creatures whose + contact was defilement. He would have lost them all rather + than a song of Hester's—and yet that he would on + occasion have lost for a good rubber of whist with certain + players! + </p> + <p> + He sprang on the stage, and made her a rather low bow. + </p> + <p> + "Come and sing a duet with me," she said, and indicated one + on the piano before her which they had several times sung + together. + </p> + <p> + He smiled what he meant to look his sweetest smile, and + almost immediately their duet began. They sang well, and the + assembly, from whatever reason—I fancy simply because + there were two singing instead of one, was a little more of + an audience than hitherto. But it was plain that, had there + been another rondo of the duet, most would have been talking + again. + </p> + <p> + Hester next requested Vavasor to sing a certain ballad which + she knew was a great favorite with him. Inwardly protesting + and that with vehemence against the profanation, he obeyed, + rendering it so as could not have failed to please any one + with a true notion of song. His singing was, I confess, a + little wooden, as was everything Vavasor did: being such + himself, how could he help his work being wooden? but it was + true, his mode good, his expression in the right direction. + They were nevertheless all talking before he had ended. + </p> + <p> + After a brief pause, Hester invited a gentleman prepared for + the occasion to sing them something patriotic. He responded + with Campbell's magnificent song, "Ye Mariners of England!" + which was received with hearty cheers. + </p> + <p> + He was followed by another who, well acquainted with the + predilections of his audience, gave them a specially + sentimental song about a chair, which was not only heard in + silence but followed by tremendous cheering. Possibly it was + a luxury to some who had no longer any grandfather to kick, + to cry over his chair; but, like the most part of their + brethren, the poor greatly enjoy having their feelings gently + troubled. + </p> + <p> + Thus the muse of the occasion was gradually sinking to the + intellectual level of the company—with a consequence + unforeseen, therefore not provided against. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch18"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVIII. + </h2> + <h3> + CATASTROPHE. + </h3> + <p> + For the tail of the music-kite—the car of the + music-balloon rather, having thus descended near enough to + the earth to be a temptation to some of the walkers afoot, + they must catch at it! The moment the last-mentioned song was + ended, almost before its death-note had left the lips of the + singer, one of the friends' friends was on his feet. Without + a word of apology, without the shadow of a request for + permission, he called out in a loud voice, knocking with his + chair on the floor, + </p> + <p> + "Ladies an' gen'lemen, Mr. William Blaney will now favor the + company with a song." + </p> + <p> + Thereupon immediately a pale pock-marked man, of diminutive + height, with high retreating forehead, and long thin hair, + rose, and at once proceeded to make his way through the + crowd: he would sing from the stage, of course! Hester and + Vavasor looked at each other, and one whisper passed between + them, after which they waited the result in silence. The + countenance approaching, kindled by conscious power and + anticipated triumph, showed a white glow through its + unblushing paleness. After the singing one sometimes hears in + drawing-rooms, there is little space for surprise that some + of less education should think themselves more capable of + fine things than they are. + </p> + <p> + Scrambling with knee and hand upon the stage, for the poor + fellow was feeble, the moment he got himself erect with his + face to the audience, he plunged into his song, if song it + could be called, executed in a cracked and strained falsetto. + The result, enhanced by the nature of the song, which was + extremely pathetic and dubiously moral, must have been + excruciation to every good ear and every sensitive nature. + Long before the relief of its close arrived Hester had made + up her mind that it was her part to protect her guests from + such. It was compensation no doubt to some present to watch + the grotesque contortions of the singer squeezing out of him + the precious pathos of his song—in which he screwed his + eyes together like the man in Browning's "Christmas Eve," and + opened his mouth in a long ellipse in the middle of one + cheek; but neither was that the kind of entertainment she had + purposed. She sat ready, against the moment when he should + end, to let loose the most thunderous music in her mental + <i>repertoire</i>, annoyed that she had but her small piano + on the stage. Vanity, however, is as suspicious of vanity as + hate is of hate, and Mr. Blaney, stopping abruptly in the + middle of the long last note, and in doing so changing the + word, with ludicrous result, from a song to a spoken one, + screeched aloud, ere she could strike the first chord, + </p> + <p> + "I will now favor the company with a song of my own + composure." + </p> + <p> + But ere he had got his mouth into its singing place in his + left cheek, Hester had risen and begun to speak: when she + knew what had to be done, she never hesitated. Mr. Blaney + started, and his mouth, after a moment of elliptic suspense, + slowly closed, and returned, as he listened, to a more + symmetrical position in his face. + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry to have to interfere," said Hester, "but my + friends are in my house, and I am accountable for their + entertainment. Mr. Blaney must excuse me if I insist on + keeping the management of the evening in my own hands." + </p> + <p> + The vanity of the would-be singer was sorely hurt. As he was + too selfish for the briefest comparison of himself with + others, it had outgrown all ordinary human proportion, and + was the more unendurable that no social consideration had + ever suggested its concealment. Equal arrogance is rarely met + save in a mad-house: there conceit reigns universal and + rampant. + </p> + <p> + "The friends as knows me, and what I can do," returned Mr. + Blaney with calmness, the moment Hester had ended, "will back + me up. I have no right to be treated as if I didn't know what + I was about. I can warrant the song home-made, and of the + best quality. So here goes!" + </p> + <p> + Vavasor made a stride towards him, but scarcely was the ugly + mouth half screwed into singing-place, when Mr. Raymount + spoke from somewhere near the door. + </p> + <p> + "Come out of that," he shouted, and made his way through the + company as fast as he could. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor drew back, and stood like a sentinel on guard. Hester + resumed her seat at the piano. Blaney, fancying he had gained + his point, and that, if he began before Mr. Raymount reached + him, he would be allowed to end in peace, again got his mouth + into position, and began to howl. But his host jumping on the + stage from behind, reached him at his third note, took him by + the back of the neck, shoved him down, and walked him through + the crowd and out of the room before him like a naughty boy. + Propelling him thus to the door of the house, he pushed him + out, closed it behind him, and re-entering the concert-room, + was greeted by a great clapping of hands, as if he had + performed a deed of valor. But, notwithstanding the miserable + vanity and impudence of the man, it had gone to Hester's + heart to see him, with his low visage and puny form, in the + mighty clutch of her father. That which would have made most + despise the poor creature the more, his physical inferiority, + made her pity him, even to pain! + </p> + <p> + The moment silence was restored, up rose a burly, + honest-looking bricklayer, and said, + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon, miss, but will you allow me to make one + remark!" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly, Mr. Jones," answered Hester. + </p> + <p> + "It seems to me, miss," said Jones, "as it's only fair play + on my part as brought Blaney here, as I'm sorry to find + behave himself so improper, to say for him that I know he + never would ha' done it, if he hadn't have had a drop as we + come along to this 'ere tea-party. That was the cause, miss, + an' I hope as it'll be taken into account, an' considered a + lucidation of his conduct. It takes but very little, I'm + sorry to say, miss, to upset his behavior—not more'n a + pint at the outside.—But it don't last! bless you, it + don't last!" he added, in a tone of extreme deprecation; + "there's not a morsel of harm in him, poor + fellow—though I says it as shouldn't! Not as the + guv'nor do anything more'n his duty in puttin' of him + out—nowise! I know him well, bein' my wife's + brother—leastways half-brother—for I don't want + to take more o' the blame nor by rights belong to me. When + he've got a drop in his nob, it's always for singin' he + is—an' that's the worst of <i>him</i>. Thank you + kindly, miss." + </p> + <p> + "Thank <i>you</i>, Mr. Jones," returned Hester. "We'll think + no more of it." + </p> + <p> + Loud applause followed, and Jones sat down, well satisfied: + he had done what he ought in acknowledging the culprit for + his wife's sake, and the act had been appreciated. + </p> + <p> + The order of the evening was resumed, but the harmony of the + assembly once disturbed, all hope of quiet was gone. They had + now something to talk about! Everyone that knew Blaney felt + himself of importance: had he not a superior right of opinion + upon his behavior? Nor was he without a few sympathizers. Was + he not the same flesh and blood? they said. After the swells + had had it all their own way so long, why shouldn't poor + Blaney have his turn? But those who knew Hester, especially + the women of them, were indignant with him. + </p> + <p> + Hester sang again and again, but no song would go quite to + her mind. Vavasor also sung several times—as often, + that is, as Hester asked him; but inwardly he was disgusted + with the whole affair—as was natural, for could any + fish have found itself more out of the water than he? + Everything annoyed him—most of all that the lady of his + thoughts should have addressed herself to such an assembly. + Why did she not leave it to him or her father! If it was not + degrading enough to appear before such a canaille, surely to + sing to them was! How could a woman of refinement, + justifiable as was her desire for appreciation, seek it from + such a repulsive assemblage! But Vavasor would have been + better able to understand Hester, and would have met the + distastes of the evening with far less discomposure, if he + had never been in worse company. One main test of our + dealings in the world is whether the men and women we + associate with are the better or the worse for it: Vavasor + had often been where at least he was the worse, and no one + the better for his presence. For days a cloud hung over the + fair image of Hester in his mind. + </p> + <p> + He called on the first possible opportunity to inquire how + she was after her exertions, but avoided farther allusion to + the events of the evening. She thanked him for the help he + had given her, but was so far from satisfied with her + experiment, that she too let the subject rest. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount was so disgusted, that he said nothing of the + kind should ever again take place in his house: he had not + bought it to make a music-hall of it! + </p> + <p> + If any change was about to appear in Vavasor a change in the + fortunes of the Raymounts prevented it. + </p> + <p> + What the common judgment calls <i>luck</i> seems to have odd + predilections and prejudices with regard to families as well + as individuals. Some seem invariably successful, whatever + they take in hand; others go on, generation after generation, + struggling without a ray of success; while on the surface + appears no reason for the inequality. But there is one thing + in which pre-eminently I do not believe—that same luck, + namely, or chance, or fortune. The Father of families looks + after his families—and his children too. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch19"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIX. + </h2> + <h3> + LIGHT AND SHADE. + </h3> + <p> + Light and shade, sunshine and shadow pursue each other over + the moral as over the material world. Every soul has a + landscape that changes with the wind that sweeps its sky, + with the clouds that return after its rain. + </p> + <p> + It was now the month of March. The middle day of it had been + dreary all over England, dreariest of all, perhaps, in + London. Great blasts had gone careering under a sky whose + miles-thick vault of clouds they never touched, but instead + hunted and drove and dashed earth-clouds of dust into all + unwelcoming places, throats and eyes included. Now and then a + few drops would fall on the stones as if the day's fierce + misery were about to yield to sadness; but it did not so + yield; up rose again a great blundering gust, and repentance + was lost in rage. The sun went down on its wrath, and its + night was tempestuous. + </p> + <p> + But the next morning rose bright and glad, looking as if it + would make up for its father's wildness by a gentler + treatment of the world. The wind was still high, but the hate + seemed to have gone out of it, and given place to a laborious + jollity. It swept huge clouds over the sky, granting never a + pause, never a respite of motion; but the sky was blue and + the clouds were white, and the dungeon-vault of the world was + broken up and being carted away. + </p> + <p> + Everything in the room where the Raymounts were one by one + assembling to break their fast, was discolored and dark, + whether with age or smoke it would have needed more than a + glance to say. The reds had grown brown, and the blues a + dirty slate-color, while an impression of drab was prevalent. + But the fire was burning as if it had been at it all night + and was glorying in having at length routed the darkness; and + in the middle of the table on the white cloth, stood a + shallow piece of red pottery full of crocuses, the earnest of + the spring. People think these creatures come out of the + earth, but there are a few in every place, and in this house + Mark was one of such, who are aware that they come out of the + world of thought, the spirit-land, in order to manifest + themselves to those that are of that land. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount was very silent, seemed almost a little gloomy, + and the face of his wife was a shade less peaceful in + consequence. There was nothing the matter, only he had not + yet learned to radiate. It is hard for some natures to let + their light shine. Mr. Raymount had some light; he let it + shine mostly in reviews, not much in the house. He did not + lift up the light of his countenance on any. + </p> + <p> + The children were rosy, fresh from their baths, and ready to + eat like breakfast-loving English. Cornelius was half his + breakfast ahead of the rest, for he had daily to endure the + hardship of being at the bank by nine o'clock, and made the + best of it by claiming in consequence an utter immunity from + the <i>petite norale</i> of the breakfast-table. Never did he + lose a moment in helping anybody. Even the little Saffy he + allowed with perfect frigidity to stretch out a very long arm + after the butter—except indeed it happened to cross his + plate, when he would sharply rebuke her breach of manners. It + would have been all the same if he had not been going till + noon, but now he had hurry and business to rampart his + laziness and selfishness withal. Mark would sooner have gone + without salt to his egg than ask Corney to pass it. + </p> + <p> + This morning the pale boy sat staring at the + crocuses—things like them peeping out of the + spring-mould of his spirit to greet them. + </p> + <p> + "Why don't you eat your breakfast, Mark, dear?" said his + mother. + </p> + <p> + "I'm not hungry, mamma," he answered. + </p> + <p> + The mother looked at him a little anxiously. He was not a + very vigorous boy in corporeal matters; but, unlike his + father's, his light was almost always shining, and making the + faces about him shine. + </p> + <p> + After a few minutes, he said, as if unconsciously, his eyes + fixed on the crocuses, + </p> + <p> + "I can't think how they come!" + </p> + <p> + "They grow!" said Saffy. + </p> + <p> + Said her father, willing to set them thinking, + </p> + <p> + "Didn't you see Hester make the paper flowers for her party?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," replied Saffy, "but it would take such a time to make + all the flowers in the world that way!" + </p> + <p> + "So it would; but if a great many angels took it in hand, I + suppose they could do it." + </p> + <p> + "That can't be how!" said Saffy, laughing; "for you know they + come up out of the earth, and there ain't room to cut them + out there!" + </p> + <p> + "I think they must be cut out and put together before they + are made!" said Mark, very slowly and thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + The supposition was greeted with a great burst of laughter + from Cornelius. In the midst of a refined family he was the + one vulgar, and behaved as the blind and stupid generally + behave to those who see what they cannot see. Mockery is the + share they choose in the motions of the life eternal! + </p> + <p> + "Stop, stop, Cornelius!" said his father. "I suspect we have + a young philosopher where you see only a silly little + brother. He has, I fancy, got a glimpse of something he does + not yet know how to say." + </p> + <p> + "In that case, don't you think, sir," said Cornelius, "he had + better hold his tongue till he does know how to say it?" + </p> + <p> + It was not often he dared speak so to his father, but he was + growing less afraid of him, though not through increase of + love. + </p> + <p> + His father looked at him a moment ere he replied, and his + mother looked anxiously at her husband. + </p> + <p> + "It <i>would</i> be better," he answered quietly, "were he + not among <i>friends</i>." + </p> + <p> + The emphasis with which he spoke was lost on Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + "They take everything for clever the little idiot says!" he + remarked to himself. "Nobody made anything of <i>me</i> when + <i>I</i> was his age!" + </p> + <p> + The letters were brought in. Amongst them was one for Mr. + Raymount with a broad black border. He looked at the + postmark. + </p> + <p> + "This must be the announcement of cousin Strafford's death!" + he said. "Some one told me she was not expected to live. I + wonder how she has left the property!" + </p> + <p> + "You did not tell me she was ill!" said his wife. + </p> + <p> + "It went out of my head. It is so many years since I had the + least communication with her, or heard anything of her! She + was a strange old soul!" + </p> + <p> + "You used to be intimate with her—did you not, papa?" + said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, at one time. But we differed so entirely it was + impossible it should last. She would take up the oddest + notions as to what I thought, and meant, and wanted to do, + and then fall out upon me as advocating things I hated quite + as much as she did. But that is much the way generally. + People seldom know what they mean themselves, and can hardly + be expected to know what other people mean. Only the amount + of mental and moral force wasted on hating and talking down + the non-existent is a pity." + </p> + <p> + "I can't understand why people should quarrel so about their + opinions," said Mrs. Raymount. + </p> + <p> + "A great part of it comes of indignation at not being + understood and another great part from despair of being + understood—and that while all the time the person thus + indignant and despairing takes not the smallest pains to + understand the neighbor whose misunderstanding of himself + makes him so sick and sore." + </p> + <p> + "What is to be done then?" asked Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing," answered her father with something of a cynical + smile, born of this same frustrated anxiety to impress his + opinions on others. + </p> + <p> + He took up his letter, slowly broke the large black seal + which adorned it, and began to read it. His wife sat looking + at him, and waiting, in expectation sufficiently mild, to + hear its contents. + </p> + <p> + He had scarcely read half the first page when she saw his + countenance change a little, then flush a little, then grow a + little fixed, and quite inscrutable. He folded the letter, + laid it down by the side of his plate, and began to eat + again. + </p> + <p> + "Well, dear?" said his wife. + </p> + <p> + "It is not quite what I thought," he answered, with a curious + smile, and said nothing more, but ate his toast in a brooding + silence. Never in the habit of <i>making</i> secrets, like + his puny son, he had a strong dislike to showing his + feelings, and from his wife even was inclined to veil them. + He was besides too proud to manifest his interest in the + special contents of this letter. + </p> + <p> + The poor, but, because of its hopelessness, hardly indulged + ambition of Mr. Raymount's life, was to possess a portion, + however small, of the earth's surface—if only an acre + or two. He came of families both possessing such property, + but none of it had come near him except that belonging to the + cousin mentioned. He was her nearest relation, but had never + had much hope of inheriting from her, and after a final + quarrel put an end to their quarelling, had had none. Even + for Mammon's sake Mr. Raymount was not the man to hide or + mask his opinions. + </p> + <p> + He worshipped his opinions indeed as most men do Mammon. For + many years in consequence there had not been the slightest + communication between the cousins. But in the course of those + years all the other relatives of the old lady had died, and, + as the letter he now held informed him, he was after all heir + to her property, a small estate in a lovely spot among the + roots of the Cumberland hills. It was attended by not a few + thousands in government securities. + </p> + <p> + But while Mr. Raymount was not a money-lover in any notable + sense—the men are rare indeed of whom it might be said + absolutely they do not love money—his delight in having + land of his own was almost beyond utterance. This delight had + nothing to do with the money value of the property; he + scarcely thought of that: it came in large part of a new + sense of room and freedom; the estate was an extension of his + body and limbs—and such an extension as any lover of + the picturesque would have delighted in. It made him so glad + he could hardly get his toast down. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Raymount was by this time tolerably familiar with her + husband's moods, but she had never before seen him look just + so, and was puzzled. The fact was he had never before had + such a pleasant surprise, and sat absorbed in a foretaste of + bliss, of which the ray of March sun that lighted up the + delicate transparencies of the veined crocuses purple and + golden, might seem the announcing angel. + </p> + <p> + Presently he rose and left the room. His wife followed him. + The moment she entered his study behind him he turned and + took her in his arms. + </p> + <p> + "Here's news, wifie!" he said. "You'll be just as glad of it + as I am. Yrndale is ours after all!—at least so my old + friend Heron says, and he ought to know! Cousin Strafford + left no will. He is certain there is none. She persistently + put off making one, with the full intention, he believes, + that the property shall come to me, her heir at law and next + of kin. He thinks she had not the heart to leave it away from + her old friend. Thank God! It is a lovely place. Nothing + could have happened to give me more pleassure." + </p> + <p> + "I am indeed glad, Raymount," said his wife—who called + him by his family name on important occasions. "You always + had a fancy for playing the squire, you know." + </p> + <p> + "A great fancy for a little room, rather," replied her + husband—"not much, I fear, for the duties of a squire. + I know little of them; and happily we shall not be dependent + on the result of my management. There is money as well, I am + glad to say—enough to keep the place up anyhow." + </p> + <p> + "It would be a poor property," replied his wife with a smile, + that could not keep itself up. I have no doubt you will + develop into a model farmer and landlord." + </p> + <p> + "You must take the business part—at least till Corney + is fit to look after it," he returned. + </p> + <p> + But his wife's main thought was what influence would the + change have on the prospects of Hester. In her heart she + abjured the notion of property having anything to do with + marriage—yet this was almost her first thought! Inside + us are played more fantastic tricks than any we play in the + face of the world. + </p> + <p> + "Are the children to be told?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "I suppose so. It would be a shame not to let them share in + our gladness. And yet one hates to think of their talking + about it as children will." + </p> + <p> + "I am not afraid of the children," returned his wife. "I have + but to tell them not. I am sure of Mark as if he were fifty. + Saffy might forget, but Mark will keep her in mind." + </p> + <p> + When she returned to the dining-room Cornelius was gone, but + the rest were still at the table. She told them that God had + given them a beautiful house in the country, with hills and + woods and a swift-flowing river. Saffy clapped her hands, + cried, "Oh, mam<i>mah</i>!" and could hardly sit on her chair + till she had done speaking. Mark was perfectly still, his + eyes looking like ears. The moment her mother ceased, Saffy + jumped down and made a rush for the door. + </p> + <p> + "Saffy, Saffy, where are you going?" cried her mother. + </p> + <p> + "To tell Sarah," answered Saffy. + </p> + <p> + "Come back, my child." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, do let me run and tell Sarah! I will come back + <i>instantly</i>." + </p> + <p> + "Come here," insisted the mother. "Your papa and I wish you + to say nothing whatever about it to <i>any</i> one." + </p> + <p> + "O-oh!" returned Saffy; and both her look and her tone said, + "Where is the good of it then?" as she stood by her mother's + side in momentary check. + </p> + <p> + Not a word did Mark utter, but his face shone as if it had + been heaven he was going to. No color, only light came to the + surface of it, and broke in the loveliest smile. When Mark + smiled, his whole body and being smiled. He turned and kissed + Saffy, but still said nothing. + </p> + <p> + Hester's face flushed a "celestial rosy red." Her first + thought was of the lovely things of the country and the joy + of them. Like Moses on mount Pisgah, she looked back on the + desert of a London winter, and forth from the heart of a + blustering spring into a land of promise. Her next thought + was of her poor: "Now I shall be able to do something for + them!" Alas! too swiftly followed the conviction that now she + would be able to do less than ever for them. Yrndale was far + from London! They could not come to her, and she could not go + to them, except for an occasional visit, perhaps too short + even to see them all. If only her father and mother would let + her stay behind! but that she dared hardly hope—ought + not perhaps to wish! It might be God's will to remove her + because she was doing more harm than good! She had never been + allowed to succeed in anything! And now her endeavor would be + at an end! So her pleasure was speedily damped. The celestial + red yielded to earthly pale, and the tears came in her eyes. + </p> + <p> + "You don't like the thought of leaving London, Hester!" said + her mother with concern: she thought it was because of + Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "I am very glad for you and papa, mother dear," answered + Hester. "I was thinking of my poor people, and what they + would do without me." + </p> + <p> + "Wait my child," returned her mother, "I have sometimes found + the very things I dreaded most serve me best. I don't mean + because I got used to them, or because they did me good. I + mean they furthered what I thought they would ruin." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, dear mother, you can always comfort me," rejoined + Hester. "For myself I could not imagine anything more + pleasant. If only it were near London!—or," she added, + smiling through her tears, "if one hadn't a troublesome heart + and conscience playing into each other's hands!" + </p> + <p> + She was still thinking of her poor, but her mother was in + doubt. + </p> + <hr> + <p> + "I suppose, father," said Cornelius, "there will be no + occasion for me to go to the bank any more?" + </p> + <p> + "There will be more occasion than ever," answered his father: + "will there not be the more to look after when I am gone? + What do you imagine you could employ yourself with down + there? You have never taken to study, else, as you know, I + would have sent you to Oxford. When you leave the bank it + will be to learn farming and the management of an + estate—after which you will be welcome to Yrndale." + </p> + <p> + Cornelius made no reply. His father's words deeply offended + him. He was hardly good at anything except taking offense, + and he looked on the estate as his nearly as much as his + father's. True the father had not spoken so kindly as he + might, but had he known his son, he would often have spoken + severely. From the habit of seeking clear and forcible + expression in writing, he had got into a way of using + stronger vocal utterances than was necessary, and what would + have been but a blow from another, was a stab from him. But + the feelings of Cornelius in no case <i>deserved</i> + consideration—they were so selfish. And now he + considered that mighty self of his insulted as well as + wronged. What right had his father to keep from + him—from him alone, who had the first right—a + share in the good fortunes of the family? He left the study + almost hating his father because of what he counted his + injustice; and, notwithstanding his request that he would say + nothing of the matter until things were riper, made not even + an effort to obey him, but, too sore for silence, and filled + with what seemed to him righteous indignation, took the first + opportunity of pouring out everything to Vavasor, in a + torrent of complaint against the fresh wrong. His friend + responded to the communication very sensibly, trying, without + exactly saying it, and without a shadow of success, to make + him see what a fool he was, and congratulating him all the + more warmly on his good fortune that a vague hope went up in + him of a share in the same. For Cornelius had not failed to + use large words in making mention of the estate and the + fortune accompanying it; and in the higher position, as + Vavasor considered it, which Mr. Raymount would henceforth + occupy as one of the proprietors of England, therefore as a + man of influence in his country and its politics, he saw + something like an approximative movement in the edges of the + gulf that divided him from Hester: she would not unlikely + come in for a personal share in this large fortune; and if he + could but see a possibility of existence without his aunt's + money, he would, he <i>almost</i> said to himself, marry + Hester, and take the risk of his aunt's displeasure. At the + same time she would doubtless now look with more favor on his + preference—he must not yet say <i>choice!</i> There + could be nothing insuperably offensive to her pride at least + in his proposing to marry the daughter of a country squire. + If she were the heiress of a rich brewer, that is, of a + brewer rich enough, his aunt would, like the rest of them, + get over it fast enough! In the meantime he would, as + Cornelius, after the first burst of his rage was over, had + begged him, be careful to make no illusion to the matter. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount went to look at his property, and returned more + delighted with house, land, and landscape, than he had + expected. He seldom spoke of his good fortune, however, + except to his wife, or betrayed his pleasure except by a + glistening of the eyes. As soon as the warm weather came they + would migrate, and immediately began their + preparations—the young ones by packing and unpacking + several times a day a most heterogeneous assemblage of + things. The house was to be left in charge of old Sarah, who + would also wait on Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch20"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XX. + </h2> + <h3> + THE JOURNEY. + </h3> + <p> + It was a lovely morning when they left London. The trains did + not then travel so fast as now, and it was late in the + afternoon when they reached the station at which they must + leave the railway for the road. Before that the weather had + changed, or they had changed their weather, for the sky was + one mass of cloud, and rain was falling persistently. They + had been for some time in the abode of the hills, but those + they were passing through, though not without wonder and + strange interest, were but an inferior clan, neither lofty + nor lovely. Through the rain and the mist they looked lost + and drear. They were mostly bare, save of a little grass, and + broken with huge brown and yellow gulleys, worn by such + little torrents as were now rushing along them straight from + the clouded heavens. It was a vague sorrowful region of + tears, whence the streams in the valleys below were forever + fed. + </p> + <p> + This part of the journey Saffy had been sound asleep, but + Mark had been standing at the window of the railway-carriage, + gazing out on an awful world. What would he do, he thought, + if he were lost there? Would he be able to sit still all + night without being frightened, waiting for God to come and + take him? As they rushed along, it was not through the brain + alone of the child the panorama flitted, but through his mind + and heart as well, and there, like a glacier it scored its + passage. Or rather, it left its ghosts behind it, ever + shifting forms and shadows, each atmosphered in its own + ethereal mood. Hardly thoughts were they, but strange other + consciousnesses of life and being. Hills and woods and + valleys and plains and rivers and seas, entering by the gates + of sight into the live mirror of the human, are transformed + to another nature, to a living wonder, a joy, a pain, a + breathless marvel as they pass. Nothing can receive another + thing, not even a glass can take into its depth a face, + without altering it. In the mirror of man, things become + thoughts, feelings, life, and send their streams down the + cheeks, or their sunshine over the countenance. + </p> + <p> + Before Mark reached the end of that journey, there was + gathered in the bottom of his heart a great mass of fuel, + there stored for the future consumption of thinking, and for + reproduction in forms of power. He knew nothing of it. He + took nothing consciously. The things kept sinking into him. + The sole sign of his reception was an occasional + sigh—of which he could not have told either the cause + or the meaning. + </p> + <p> + They got into their own carriage at the station. The drive + was a long and a tedious one, for the roads were rough and + muddy and often steep, and Mr. Raymount repeatedly expressed + his dissatisfaction, that they had not put four horses to. + For some time they drove along the side of a hill, and could + see next to nothing except in one direction; and when at + length the road ran into a valley, and along the course of + the swollen river, it was getting so dark, and the rain was + coming down so fast, that they could see next to nothing at + all. Long before they reached their new home, Saffy and Mark + were sound asleep, Hester was sunk in her own thoughts, and + the father and mother sat in unbroken silence, hand in hand. + It was pitch-dark ere they arrived; and save what she learned + from the thousand musics of the swollen river along which + they had been driving for the last hour, Hester knew nothing + of the country for which she had left the man-swarming city. + Ah, that city! so full of fellow-creatures! so many of them + her friends! and struggling in the toils of so many foes! + Many sorrows had entered in at Hester's ears; tongues that + had never known how to give trouble shape, had grown eloquent + in pouring the tale—of oppression oftener than want, + into the bosom of her sympathy. I do not say many + tongues—only many sorrows; she knew from the spray that + reached her on its borders, how that human sea tossed and + raged afar. Reading and interpreting the looks of faces and + the meanings of actions around her by what she had heard, she + could not doubt she had received but a too true sample of + experiences innumerable. One result was, that, young as was + Hester, she no longer shrank from the thought of that + invisible, intangible solvent in which the generations of man + vanish from the eyes of their fellows. She said to herself + what a blessed thing was death for countless human + myriads—yea doubtless for the whole race! It looked sad + enough for an end; but then it was not the end; while but for + the thought of the change to some other mode of life, the + idea of this world would have been unendurable to her. + "Surely they are now receiving their evil things!" she said. + Alas, but even now she felt as if the gulf of death separated + her from those to whom it had been her painful delight to + minister! The weeping wind and the moaning rush of the river, + through which they were slowly moving toward their earthly + paradise, were an orchestral part as of hautboys in the + wailing harmony of her mood. + </p> + <p> + They turned and went through a gate, then passed through + trees and trees that made yet darker pieces of the night. By + and by appeared the faint lights of the house, with blotchy + pallors thinning the mist and darkness. Presently the + carriage stopped. + </p> + <p> + Both the children continued dead asleep, and were carried off + to bed. The father and mother knew the house of old time, and + revived for each other old memories. But to Hester all was + strange, and what with the long journey, the weariness, the + sadness, and the strangeness, it was as if walking in a dream + that she entered the old hall. It had a quiet, dull, + dignified look, as if it expected nobody; as if it was here + itself because it could not help it, and would rather not be + here; as if it had seen so many generations come and go that + it had ceased to care much about new faces. Every thing in + the house looked somber and solemn, as if it had not + forgotten its old mistress, who had been so many years in it, + and was such a little while gone out of it. They had supper + in a long, low room, with furniture almost black, against + whose windows heavy roses every now and then softly patted, + caught in the fringes of the rain gusts. The dusky room, the + perfect stillness within, the low mingled sounds of swaying + trees and pattering rain without, the sense of the great + darkness folding in its bosom the beauty so near and the + moaning city miles upon miles away—all grew together + into one possessing mood, which rose and sank, like the water + in a sea-cave, in the mind of Hester. But who by words can + fix the mood that comes and goes unbidden, like a ghost whose + acquaintance is lost with his vanishing, whom we know not + when we do not see? A single happy phrase, the sound of a + wind, the odor of the mere earth may avail to send us into + some lonely, dusky realm of being; but how shall we take our + brother with us, or send him thither when we would? I doubt + if even the poet ever works just what he means on the mind of + his fellow. Sisters, brothers, we cannot meet save in God. + </p> + <p> + But the nearest mediator of feeling, the most potent, the + most delicate, the most general, the least articulate, the + farthest from thought, yet perhaps the likest to the breath + moving upon the soft face of the waters of chaos, is music. + It rose like a soft irrepressible tide in the heart of + Hester; it mingled and became one with her mood; together + swelling they beat at the gates of silence; for life's sake + they must rush, embodied and born in sound, into the outer + world where utterance meets utterance! She looked around her + for such an instrument as hitherto had been always within her + reach—rose and walked around the shadowy room + searching. But there was no creature amongst the aged + furniture—nothing with a brain to it which her soul + might briefly inhabit. She returned and sat again at the + table, and the mood vanished in weariness. + </p> + <p> + But they did not linger there long. Fatigue made the ladies + glad to be shown to the rooms prepared for them. The + housekeeper, the ancient authority of the place, in every + motion and tone expressing herself wronged by their + intrusion, conducted them. Every spot they passed was plainly + far more hers than theirs; only law was a tyrant, and she + dared not assert her rights! But she had allotted their rooms + well, and they approved her judgment. + </p> + <p> + Weary as she was, Hester was charmed with hers, and the more + charmed the more she surveyed it. I will not spend time or + space in describing it, but remember how wearisome and + useless descriptions often are. I will but say it was + old-fashioned to her heart's content; that it seemed full of + shadowy histories, as if each succeeding occupant had left + behind an ethereal phantasmic record, a memorial imprint of + presence on walls and furniture—to which she now was to + add hers. But the old sleep must have the precedence of all + the new things. In weary haste she undressed, and ascending + with some difficulty the high four-post bed which stood + waiting for her like an altar of sleep for its sacrifice, was + presently as still and straight and white as alabaster lady + lying upon ancient tomb. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch21"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXI. + </h2> + <h3> + MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. + </h3> + <p> + When she woke it was to a blaze of sunlight, but caught in + the net of her closed curtains. The night had passed and + carried the tears of the day with it. Ah, how much is done in + the night when we sleep and know nothing! Things never stop. + The sun was shining as if he too had wept and repented. All + the earth beneath him was like the face of a child who has + ceased to weep and begun to smile, but has not yet wiped away + his tears. + </p> + <p> + Raindrops everywhere! millions upon millions of them! every + one of them with a sun in it? For Hester had sprung from her + bed, and opened the eyes of her room. How different was the + sight from what she saw when she looked out in Addison + square! If heaven be as different from this earth, and as + much better than it, we shall be happy children—except + indeed we be but fit to stand in a corner, with our backs to + the blessedness. On each side she saw green, undulating lawn, + with trees and meadows beyond; but just in front the ground + sloped rapidly, still in grass, grew steep, and fell into the + swift river—which, swollen almost to unwieldiness, went + rolling and sliding brown and heavy towards the far off sea; + when its swelling and tumult were over it would sing; now it + tumbled along with a roaring muffled in sullenness. Beyond + the river the bank rose into a wooded hill. She could see + walks winding through the wood, here appearing, there + vanishing, and, a little way up the valley, the rails of a + rustic bridge that led to them. It was a paradise! For the + roar of London along Oxford street, there was the sound of + the river; for the cries of rough human voices, the soprano + of birds, and the soft mellow bass of the cattle in the + meadows. The only harsh sound in this new world was the cry + of the peacock, but that had somehow got the color of his + tail in it, and was not unpleasant. The sky was a shining + blue. Not a cloud was to be seen upon it. Quietly it looked + down, as if saying to the world over which it stood vaulted, + "Yes, you are welcome to it all!" + </p> + <p> + She thanked God for the country, but soon was praying to him + for the town. The neighborly offer of the country to console + her for the loss of the town she received with alarm, + hastening to bethink herself that God cared more for one + miserable, selfish, wife-and-donkey-beating costermonger of + unsavory Shoreditch, than for all the hills and dales of + Cumberland, yea and all the starry things of his heavens. + </p> + <p> + She would care only as God cared, and from all this beauty + gather strength to give to sorrow. + </p> + <p> + She dressed quickly, and went to her mother's room. Her + father was already out of doors, but her mother was having + breakfast in bed. They greeted each other with such smiles as + made words almost unnecessary. + </p> + <p> + "What a <i>lovely</i> place it is, mamma! You did not say + half enough about it," exclaimed Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Wasn't it better to let you discover for yourself, my + child?" answered her mother. "You were so sorry to leave + London, that I would not praise Yrndale for fear of + prejudicing you against it." + </p> + <p> + "Mother," said Hester, with something in her throat, "I did + not want to change; I was content, and had my work to do! I + never was one to turn easily to new things. And perhaps I + need hardly tell you that the conviction has been growing + upon me for years and years that my calling is among my + fellow-creatures in London!" + </p> + <p> + She had never yet, even to her mother, spoken out plainly + concerning the things most occupying her heart and mind. + Every one of the family, except Saffy, found it difficult to + communicate—and perhaps to Saffy it might become so as + she grew. Hester trembled as if confessing a fault. What if + to her mother the mere idea of having a calling should seem a + presumption! + </p> + <p> + "Two things must go, I think, to make up a call," said her + mother, greatly to Hester's relief. "You must not imagine, my + child, that because you have never opened your mind to me, I + have not known what you were thinking, or have left you to + think alone about it. Mother and daughter are too near not to + hear each other without words. There is between you and me a + constant undercurrent of communion, and occasionally a + passing of almost definite thought, I believe. We may not be + aware of it at the time, but none the less it has its + result." + </p> + <p> + "O mother!" cried Hester, overjoyed to find she thought them + thus near to each other, "I am <i>so</i> glad! Please tell me + the two things you mean." + </p> + <p> + "To make up a <i>call</i>, I think both impulse and + possibility are wanted," replied Mrs. Raymount. "The first + you know well; but have you sufficiently considered the + second? One whose impulse or desire was continually thwarted + could scarcely go on believing herself called. The half that + lies in an open door is wanting. If a call come to a man in + prison it will be by an angel who can let him out. Neither + does inclination always determine fitness. When your father + was an editor, he was astonished at the bad verse he received + from some who had a genuine delight in good verse." + </p> + <p> + "I can't believe, mamma," returned Hester, "that God gives + any special gift, particularly when accompanied by a special + desire to use it, and that for a special purpose, without + intending it should be used. That would be to mock his + creature in the very act of making her." + </p> + <p> + "You must allow there are some who never find a use for their + special gifts." + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but may not that be that they have not sufficiently + cultivated their gifts, or that they have not done their best + to bring them into use? Or may they not have wanted to use + them for ends of their own and not of God's? I feel as if I + must stand up against every difficulty lest God should be + disappointed in me. Surely any frustration of the ends to + which their very being points must be the person's own fault? + May it not be because they have not yielded to the calling + voice that they are all their life a prey to unsatisfied + longings? They may have gone picking and choosing, instead of + obeying." + </p> + <p> + "There must be truth in what you say, Hester, but I am pretty + sure it does not reach every case. At what point would you + pronounce a calling frustrated? You think yours is to help + your poor friends: you are not with them now: is your calling + frustrated? Surely there may be delay without frustration! + Or, is it for you to say when you are <i>ready</i>? + Willingness is not everything. Might not one fancy her hour + come when it was not come? May not part of the preparation + for work be the mental discipline of imagined postponements? + And then, Hester—now I think I have found my + answer—you do not surely imagine such a breach in the + continuity of our existence, that our gifts and training here + have nothing to do with our life beyond the grave. All good + old people will tell you they feel this life but a beginning. + Cultivating your gift, and waiting the indubitable call, you + may be in active preparation for the work in the coming life + for which God intended you when he made you." + </p> + <p> + Hester gave a great sigh. Postponement indefinite is terrible + to the young and eager. + </p> + <p> + "That is a dreary thought, mother," she said. + </p> + <p> + "Is it, my child?" returned her mother. "Painful the will of + God may be—that I well know, as who that cares anything + about it does not! but <i>dreary</i>, no! Have patience, my + love. Your heart's deepest desire must be the will of God, + for he cannot have made you so that your heart should run + counter to his will; let him but have his own way with you, + and your desire he will give you. To that goes his path. He + delights in his children; so soon as they can be indulged + without ruin, he will heap upon them their desires; they are + his too." + </p> + <p> + I confess I have, chiefly by compression, put the utterance + both of mother and of daughter into rather better logical + form than they gave it; but the substance of it is thus only + the more correctly rendered. Hester was astonished at the + grasp and power of her mother. The child may for many years + have but little idea of the thought and life within the form + and face he knows and loves better than any; but at last the + predestined moment arrives, the two minds meet, and the child + understands the parent. Hester threw herself on her knees, + and buried her face in her mother's lap. The same moment she + began to discover that she had been proud, imagining herself + more awake to duty than the rest around her. She began, too, + to understand that if God has called, he will also open the + door. She kissed her mother as she had never kissed her + before, and went to her own room. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch22"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXII. + </h2> + <h3> + GLADNESS. + </h3> + <p> + Scarcely had she reached it, however, when the voices of the + children came shouting along some corridor, on their way to + find their breakfast: she must go and minister, postponing + meditation on the large and distant for action in the small + and present. But the sight of the exuberance, the foaming + overflow of life and gladness in Saffy, and of the quieter, + deeper joy of Mark, were an immediate reward. They could + hardly be prevented from bolting their breakfast like + puppies, in their eagerness to rush into the new creation, + the garden of Eden around them. But Hester thought of the + river flowing turbid and swift at the foot of the lawn: she + must not let them go loose! She told them they must not go + without her. Their faces fell, and even Mark began a gentle + expostulation. + </p> + <p> + A conscientious elder sister has to bear a good many hard + thoughts from the younger ones on whom, without a parent's + authority and reverence, she has to exercise a parent's + restraint. Well for her if she come out of the trial without + having gathered some needless severity, some seeming + hardness, some tendency to peevishness! These weak evils are + so apt to gather around a sense at once of the need and of + the lack of power! + </p> + <p> + "No, Mark," she said, "I cannot let you go alone. You are + like two kittens, and might be in mischief or danger before + you knew. But I won't keep you waiting; I will get my parasol + at once." + </p> + <p> + I will attempt no description of the beauties that met them + at every turn. But the joy of those three may well have a + word or two. I doubt if some of the children in heaven are + always happier than Saffy and Mark were that day. Hester had + thoughts which kept her from being so happy as they, but she + was more blessed. Glorious as is the child's delight, the + child-heart in the grown woman is capable of tenfold the + bliss. Saffy pounced on a flower like a wild beast on its + prey; she never stood and gazed at one, like Mark. Hester + would gaze till the tears came in her eyes; + </p> + <p> + There are consciousnesses of lack which carry more bliss than + any possession. + </p> + <p> + Mark was in many things an exception—a curious mixture + of child and youth. He had never been strong, and had always + been thoughtful. When very small he used to have a sacred + rite of his own—I would not have called it a rite but + that he made a temple for it. Many children like to play at + church, but I doubt if that be good: Mark's rite was neither + play nor church. He would set two chairs in the recess of a + window—"one for Mark and one for God"—then draw + the window-curtains around and sit in silence for a space. + </p> + <p> + When a little child sets a chair for God, does God take the + chair or does he not? God is the God of little children, and + is at home with them. + </p> + <p> + For Saffy, she was a thing of smiles and of tears just as + they chose to come. She had not a suspicion yet that the + exercise of any operative power on herself was possible to + her—not to say required of her. Many men and women are + in the same condition who have grown cold and hard in it; she + was soft and warm, on the way to awake and distinguish and + act. Even now when a good thought came she would give it a + stranger's welcome; but the first appeal to her senses would + drive it out of doors again. + </p> + <p> + Before their ramble was over, what with the sweet twilight + gladness of Mark, the merry noonday brightness of Saffy, and + the loveliness all around, the heart of Hester was quiet and + hopeful as a still mere that waits in the blue night the + rising of the moon. She had some things to trouble her, but + none of them had touched the quick of her being. Thoughtful, + therefore in a measure troubled, by nature, she did not know + what heart-sickness was. Nor would she ever know it as many + must, for her heart went up to the heart of her heart, and + there unconsciously laid up store against the evil hours that + might be on their way to her. And this day her thoughts kept + rising to Him whose thought was the meaning of all she saw, + the center and citadel of its loveliness. + </p> + <p> + For if once the suspicion wake that God never meant the + things that go to and fro in us as we gaze on the world, that + moment is the universe worthless as a doll to a childless + mother. If God be not, then steam-engine and flower are in + the same category. No; the steam-engine is the better thing, + for it has the soul of a man in it, and the flower has no + soul at all. It cannot mean if it is not meant. It is God + that means everything as we read it, however poor or mingled + with mistake our reading may be. And the soothing of his + presence in what we call nature, was beginning to work on + Hester, helping her toward that quietness of spirit without + which the will of God can scarce be perceived. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch23"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXIII. + </h2> + <h3> + DOWN THE HILL. + </h3> + <p> + When Franks, the acrobat, and his family left Mrs. Baldwin's + garret to go to another yet poorer lodging, it was with heavy + hearts: they crept silent away, to go down yet a step of the + world's stair. I have read somewhere in Jean Paul of a + curiously contrived stair, on which while you thought you + were going down you were really ascending: I think it was so + with the Frankses and the stair they were upon. But to many + the world is but a treadmill, on which while they seem to be + going up and up, they are only serving to keep things going + round and round. + </p> + <p> + I think God has more to do with the fortunes of the poor a + thousand fold than with those of the rich. In the fortunes of + the poor there are many more changes, and they are of greater + import as coming closer to the heart of their condition. To + careless and purblind eyes these fortunes appear on an almost + dead level of toil and privation; but they have more + variations of weather, more chequers of sunshine and shade, + more storms and calms, than lives passed on airier slopes. + Who could think of God as a God like Christ—and other + than such he were not Godand imagine he would not care as + much for the family of John Franks as for the family of + Gerald Raymount? It is impossible to believe that he loves + such as Cornelius or Vavasor as he loves a Christopher. There + must be a difference! The God of truth cannot love the + unlovely in the same way as he loves the lovely. The one he + loves for what he is and what he has begun to be; the other + he loves because he sorely needs love—as sorely as the + other, and must begin to grow lovely one day. Nor dare we + forget that the celestial human thing is in itself lovely as + made by God, and pitiably lovely as spoiled by man. That is + the Christ-thing which is the root of every man, created in + his image—that which, when he enters the men, he + possesses. The true earthly father must always love those + children more who are obedient and loving—but he will + not neglect one bad one for twenty good ones. "The Father + himself loveth you because ye have loved me;" but "There is + more joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth than over + ninety and nine that need no repentance." The great joy is + the first rush of love in the new-opened channel for its + issue and entrance. + </p> + <p> + The Frankses were on the down-going side of the hill + Difficulty, and down they must go, unable to help themselves. + They had found a cheaper lodging, but entered it with + misgiving; their gains had been very moderate since their + arrival in London, and their expenses greater than in the + country. Also Franks was beginning to feel or to fancy his + strength and elasticity not quite what they had been. The + first suspicion of the approach of old age and the beginning + of that weakness whose end is sure, may well be a startling + one. The man has begun to be a nobody in the world's + race—is henceforth himself but the course of the race + between age and death—a race in which the victor is + known ere the start. Life with its self-discipline withdraws + itself thenceforth more to the inside, and goes on with + greater vigor. The man has now to trust and yield constantly. + He is coming to know the fact that he was never his own + strength, had never the smallest power in himself at his + strongest. But he is learning also that he is as safe as ever + in the time when he gloried in his might—yea, as safe + as then he imagined himself on his false foundation. He lays + hold of the true strength, makes it his by laying hold of it. + He trusts in the unchangeable thing at the root of all his + strength, which gave it all the truth it had—a truth + far deeper than he knew, a reality unfathomable, though not + of the nature he then fancied. Strength has ever to be made + perfect in weakness, and old age is one of the weaknesses in + which it is perfected. + </p> + <p> + Poor Franks had not got so far yet as to see this, and the + feeling of the approach of old age helped to relax the + springs of his hopefulness. Also his wife had not yet got + over her last confinement. The baby, too, was sickly. And + there was not much popular receptivity for acrobatics in the + streets; coppers came in slowly; the outlay was heavy; and + the outlook altogether was of the gray without the gold. But + his wife's words were always cheerful, though the tone of + them had not a little of the mournful. Their tone came of + temperament, the words themselves of love and its courage. + The daughter of a gamekeeper, the neighbors regarded her as + throwing herself away when she married Franks; but she had + got an honest and brave husband, and never when life was + hardest repented giving herself to him. + </p> + <p> + For a few weeks they did pretty well in their new lodging. + They managed to pay their way, and had food + enough—though not quite so good as husband and wife + wished each for the other, and both for their children. The + boys had a good enough time of it. They had not yet in London + exhausted their own wonder. The constant changes around made + of their lives a continuous novel—nay, a romance, and + being happy they could eat anything and thrive on it. + </p> + <p> + The lives of the father and mother over-vault the lives of + the children, shutting out all care if not all sorrow, and + every change is welcomed as a new delight. Their parents, + where positive cruelty has not installed fear and cast out + love, are the divinities of even the most neglected. They + feel towards them much the same, I fancy, as the children of + ordinary parents in the middle class—love them more + than children given over to nurses and governesses love + theirs. Nor do I feel certain that the position of the + children of the poor, in all its oppression, is not more + favorable to the development of the higher qualities of the + human mind, such as make the least show, than many of those + more pleasant places for which some religious moralists would + have us give the thanks of the specially favored. I suspect, + for instance, that imagination, fancy, perception, insight + into character, the faculty of fitting means to ends, the + sense of adventure, and many other powers and feelings are + more likely to be active in the children of the poor, to the + greater joy of their existence, than in others. These + Frankses, too, had a strict rule over them, and that + increases much the capacity for enjoyment. The father, + according to his lights, was, as we have seen, a careful and + conscientious parent, and his boys were strongly attached to + him, never thought of shirking their work, and endured a good + deal of hardness and fatigue without grumbling: their mother + had opened their eyes to the fact that their father took his + full share in all he required of them, and did his best for + them. They were greatly proud of their father one and all + believing him not only the first man in his profession, but + the best man that ever was in the world; and to believe so of + one's parent is a stronger aid to righteousness than all + things else whatever, until the day-star of the knowledge of + the great Father goes up in the heart, to know whom, in like + but better fashion, as the best more than man and the perfect + Father of men, is the only thing to redeem us from misery and + wrong, and lift us into the glorious liberty of the sons and + daughters of God. + </p> + <p> + They were now reduced to one room, and the boys slept on the + floor. This was no hardship, now that summer was nigh, only + the parents found it interfered a little with their freedom + of speech. Nor did it mend the matter to send them early to + bed, for the earlier they went the longer were they in going + to sleep. At the same time they had few things to talk of + which they minded their hearing, and to the mother at least + it was a pleasure to have all her chickens in the nest with + her. + </p> + <p> + One evening after the boys were in bed, the father and mother + sat talking. They had a pint of beer on the table between + them, of which the woman tasted now and then that the man + might imagine himself sharing it with her. Silence had lasted + for some time. The mother was busy rough-patching a garment + of Moxy's. The man's work for the day was over, but not the + woman's! + </p> + <p> + "Well, I dunnow!" he said at last, and there ceased. + </p> + <p> + "What don ye know, John?" asked his wife, in a tone she would + have tried to make cheerful had she but suspected it half as + mournful as it was. + </p> + <p> + "There's that Mr. Christopher as was such a friend!" he said: + "—you don't disremember what he used to say about the + Almighty and that? You remember as how he used to say a man + could no more get out o' the sight o' them eyes o' hisn than + a child could get out o' sight o' the eyes on his mother as + was a watchin' of him!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, John, I do remember all that very well, and a great + comfort it was to me at the time to hear him say so, an' has + been many's the time since, when I had no + other—leastways none but you an' the children. I often + think over what he said to you an' me then when I was down, + an' not able to hold my head up, nor feelin' as if I should + ever lift it no more!" + </p> + <p> + "Well, I dunnow!" said Franks, and paused again. + </p> + <p> + But this time he resumed, "What troubles me is this:—if + that there mother as was a lookin' arter her child, was to + see him doin' no better 'n you an' me, an' day by day gettin' + furder on the wrong way, I should say she wan't much of a + mother to let us go on in that 'ere way as I speak on." + </p> + <p> + "She might ha' got her reasons for it, John," returned his + wife, in some fear lest the hope she cherished was going to + give way in her husband. "P'r'aps she might see, you know, + that the child might go a little farther and fare none the + worse. When the children want their dinner very bad, I ha' + heerd you say to them sometimes, 'Now kids, ha' patience. + Patience is a fine thing. What if ye do be hungry, you ain't + a dyin' o' hunger. You'll wear a bit longer yet!' Ain't I + heerd you say that John—more'n once, or twice, or + thrice?" + </p> + <p> + "There ain't no need to put me to my oath like that, old + woman! I ain't a goin' for to deny it! You needn't go to put + it to me as if I was the pris'ner at the bar, or a witness as + wanted to speak up for him!—But you must allow this is + a drivin' of it jest a <i>leetle</i> too far! Here we be come + up to Lon'on a thinkin' to better ourselves—not wantin' + no great things—sich we don't look for to get—but + jest thinkin' as how it wur time'—as th' parson is + allus a tellin' his prishioners, to lay by a shillin' or two + to keep us out o' th' workus, when 't come on to rain, an' + let us die i' the open like, where a poor body can + breathe!—that's all as we was after! an' here, sin' + ever we come, fust one shillin' goes, an' then another + shillin' goes as we brought with us, till we 'ain't got one, + as I may almost say, left! An' there ain't no luck! I'stead + o' gitting more we git less, an' that wi' harder work, as is + a wearin' out me an' the b'ys; an'—" + </p> + <p> + Here he was interrupted by a cry from the bed. It was the + voice of little Moxy, the Sarpint o' the Prairies. + </p> + <p> + "I ain't wore out, father! I'm good for another go." + </p> + <p> + "I ain't neither, gov'nor. I got a lot more work in me!" + </p> + <p> + "No, nor me," cried the third. "I likes London. I can stand + on my head twice as long as Tommy Blake, an he's a year older + 'n I am." + </p> + <p> + "Hold your tongues, you rascals, an' go to sleep," growled + the father, pretending to be angry with them. "What right + have you to be awake at this time o' the night—an' i' + Lon'on too? It's not like the country, as you very well know. + I' the country you can do much as you like, but not in the + town! There's police, an' them's there for boys to mind what + they're about. You've no call to be awake when your father + an' mother want to be by theirselves—a listenin' to + what they've got to say to one another! Us two was man an' + wife afore you was born!" + </p> + <p> + "We wasn't a listenin', father. We was only hearin' 'cause we + wasn't asleep. An' you didn't speak down as if it was + secrets!" + </p> + <p> + "Well, you know, b'ys, there's things as fathers and mothers + can understand an' talk about, as no b'y's fit to see to the + end on, an' so they better go to sleep, an' wait till their + turn comes to be fathers an' mothers theirselves.—Go to + sleep direc'ly, or I'll break every bone in your bodies!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, father, yes!" they answered together, nowise terrified + by the awful threat—which was not a little weakened by + the fact that they had heard it every day of their lives, and + not yet known it carried into execution. + </p> + <p> + But having been thus advised that his children were awake, + the father, without the least hypocrisy, conscious or + unconscious, changed his tone: in the presence of his + children he preferred looking at the other side of the + argument. After a few moments' silence he began again + thus:— + </p> + <p> + "Yes, as you was sayin', wife, an' I knows as you're always + in the right, if the right be anyhows to be got at—as + you was sayin', I say, there's no sayin' when that same as we + was a speakin' of—the Almighty is the man I + mean—no sayin', I say, when he may come to see as we + have, as I may say, had enough on it, an' turn an' let us + have a taste o' luck again! Luck's sweet; an' some likes, an' + it may be as he likes to give his childer a taste o' sweets + now an' again, just as you and me, that is when we can afford + it, an' that's not often, likes to give ourn a bull's-eye or + a suck of toffy. I don't doubt <i>he</i> likes to see us + enj'yin' of ourselves just as well as we like to see our + little uns enj'yin' o' <i>theirselves!</i>—It stands to + reason, wife—don't it?" + </p> + <p> + "So it do seem to me, John!" answered the mother. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Franks, apparently, now that he had taken up the + defence of the ways of the Supreme with men, warming to his + subject, "I dessay he do the best he can, an' give us as much + luck as is good for us. Leastways that's how the rest of us + do, wife! We can't allus do as well as we would like for to + do for our little uns, but we <i>always</i>, in general, does + the best we can. It may take time—it may take time even + with all the infl'ence <i>he</i> has, to get the better o' + things as stands in <i>his</i> way! We'll suppose yet a + while, anyhow, as how he's a lookin' arter us. It can't be + for nothink as he counts the hairs on our heads—as the + sayin' is!—though for my part I never could see what + good there was in it. But if it ain't for somethink, why it's + no more good than the census, which is a countin' o' the + heads theirselves." + </p> + <p> + There are, or there used to be when I was a boy, who, in + their reverence for the name of the Most High, would have + shown horror at the idea that he could not do anything or + everything in a moment as it pleased him, but would not have + been shocked at all at the idea that he might not please to + give this or that man any help. In their eyes power was a + grander thing than love, though it is nowhere said in the + Book that God is omnipotence. Such, because they are told + that he is omnipotent, call him Omnipotence; when told that + he is Love, do not care to argue that he must then be loving? + But as to doing what he wills with a word—see what it + cost him to redeem the world! He did not find that easy, or + to be done in a moment without pain or toil. Yea, awfully + omnipotent is God. For he wills, effects and perfects the + thing which, because of the bad in us, he has to carry out in + suffering and sorrow, his own and his Son's Evil is a hard + thing for God himself to overcome. Yet thoroughly and + altogether and triumphantly will he overcome it; and that not + by crushing it underfoot—any god of man's idea could do + that!—but by conquest of heart over heart, of life in + life, of life over death. Nothing shall be too hard for the + God that fears not pain, but will deliver and make true and + blessed at his own severest cost. + </p> + <p> + For a time, then, the Frankses went on, with food to eat and + money to pay their way, but going slowly down the hill, and + finding it harder and harder to keep their footing. By and by + the baby grew worse, pining visibly. They sought help at the + hospital, but saw no Mr. Christopher, and the baby did not + improve. Still they kept on, and every day the husband + brought home a little money. Several times they seemed on the + point of an engagement, but as often something came between, + until at length Franks almost ceased to hope, and grew more + and more silent, until at last he might well have appeared + morose. The wonder to me is that any such as do not hope in a + Power loving to perfection, should escape moroseness. Under + the poisonous influences of anxiety, a loving man may become + unkind, even cruel to the very persons for whose sake he is + anxious. In good sooth what we too often count righteous + care, but our Lord calls the care of the world, consumes the + life of the heart as surely as the love of money. At the root + they are the same. Yet evil thing as anxiety is, it were a + more evil thing to be delivered from it by anything but the + faith of the Son of God—that is faith in his Father and + our Father; it would be but another and worse, because more + comfortable form of the same slavery. + </p> + <p> + Poor Franks, however, with but a little philosophy, had much + affection, which is indeed the present God in a man—and + so did not go far in the evil direction. The worse sign of + his degenerating temper was the more frequently muttered oath + of impatience with his boys—never with his wife; and + not one of them was a moment uneasy in consequence—only + when the <i>gov'nor</i> wasn't jolly, neither were they. + </p> + <p> + The mind of Franks, so it appears to me, was mainly a slow + sullen stream of subthought, a something neither thought nor + feeling but partaking of the character of both, a something + more than either, namely, the substance of which both are + formed—the undeveloped elemental life, risen a little + way, and but a little way, towards consciousness. The swifter + flow of this stream is passion, the gleams of it where it + ripples into the light, are thoughts. This sort of nature can + endure much without being unhappy. What would crush a + swift-thinking man is upborne by the denser tide. Its + conditions are gloomier, and it consorts more easily with + gloom. But light and motion and a grand future are waiting + for such as he. All their sluggish half-slumberous being will + be roused and wrought into conscious life—nor the + unconscious whence it arises be therein exhausted, for that + will be ever supplied and upheld by the indwelling Deity. In + his own way Franks was in conflict with the problems of life; + neither was he very able to encounter them; but on the other + hand he was one to whom wonders might safely be shown, for he + would use them not speculatively but practically. "Nothing + almost sees miracles but misery," perhaps because to misery + alone, save it be to the great unselfish joy, is it safe to + show miracles. Those who must see ere they will believe, may + have to be brought to the verge of the infinite grave that a + condition fit for seeing may be effected in them. "Blessed + are they who have not seen and yet have believed." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch24"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXIV. + </h2> + <h3> + OUT OF THE FRYING-PAN. + </h3> + <p> + There is another person in my narrative whom the tide of her + destiny seemed now to have caught and to be bearing more + swiftly somewhither. Unable, as she concluded, any longer to + endure a life bounded by the espionage, distrust, and + ill-tempered rebuke of the two wretched dragons whose misery + was their best friend—saving them from foreboded want + by killing them while yet they had something to live + upon—Amy Amber did at last as she had threatened, and + one morning when, in amazement that she was so late, they + called her, they received no answer, neither could find her + in or out of the house. She had applied to a friend in + London, and following her advice, had taken the cheap train + overnight, and gone to her. She met her, took her home; and + helped her in seeking a situation—with the result that, + before many days were over, her appearance and manners being + altogether in her favor, she obtained her desire—a + place behind a counter in one of the largest shops. There she + was kept hard at work, and the hours of business were long; + but the labor was by no means too much for the fine health + and spirits which now blossomed in her threefold. + </p> + <p> + Her aunts raised an outcry of horror and dismay first, then + of reprobation, accusing her of many things, and among the + rest of those faults of which they were in reality themselves + guilty toward her; for as to the gratitude and affection we + are so ready to claim and so slow to pay, the debt was great + on their part, and very small indeed on hers. They wrote to + her guardians of course to acquaint them with the shocking + fact of her flight, but dwelt far more upon the badness of + her behavior to them from the first, the rapidity with which + she had deteriorated, and the ghastliness of their + convictions as to the depth of the degradation she had + preferred to the shelter of their—very + moth-eaten—wings. + </p> + <p> + The younger of the two guardians was a man of business, and + at once took proper measures for discovering her. It was not, + however, before the lapse of several months that he + succeeded. By that time her employers were so well satisfied + with her, that after an interview with them, followed by one + with the girl herself, he was convinced that she was much + better where she was than with her aunts, whose dispositions + were not unknown to him. So he left her in peace. + </p> + <p> + Knowing nothing of London, interested in all she saw, and + much occupied with her new way of life, Amy did not at once + go to find her friend Miss Raymount. She often recalled her + kindness, often dreamed of the beautiful lady who had let her + brush her hair, and always intended to seek her as soon as + she could feel at leisure. But the time wore away, and still + she had not gone. + </p> + <p> + She continued a well behaved girl, went regularly to church + on Sundays, had many friends but few intimates, and lived + with the girl who had been her friend before her mother's + death. Her new way of life was, no doubt, from its lack of + home-ties, and of the restraining if not always elevating + influences of older people, dangerous: no kite can soar + without the pull of the string; but danger is less often ruin + than some people think; and the propt house is not the safest + in the row. He who can walk without falling, will learn to + walk the better that his road is not always of the smoothest; + and, as Sir Philip Sidney says, "The journey of high honor + lies not in plain ways." + </p> + <p> + Such were the respective conditions of Amy Amber and the + Frankses, when the Raymounts left London. The shades were + gathering around the family; the girl had passed from the + shadow into the shine. Hester knew nothing of the state of + either, nor had they ever belonged to her flock. It was not + at all for them she was troubled in the midst of the peace + and rest of her new life when she felt like a shepherd + compelled to leave his sheep in the wilderness. Amid the + sweet delights of sunshine, room, air, grass, trees, flowers, + music, and the precious stores of an old library, every now + and then she would all at once imagine herself a herald that + had turned aside into the garden of the enchantress. Were not + her poor friends the more sorely tried that she was dwelling + at ease? Could it be right? Yet for the present she could see + no way of reaching them. All she could do for them was to + cultivate her gifts, in the hope of one day returning to them + the more valuable for the separation. + </p> + <p> + One good thing that came of the change was that she and her + father were drawn in the quiet of this country life closer + together. When Mr. Raymount's hours of writing were over, he + missed the more busy life into which he had been able to turn + at will, and needed a companion. His wife not being able to + go with him, he naturally turned to his daughter, and they + took their walks abroad together. In these Hester learned + much. Her father was not chiefly occupied with the best + things, but he was both of a learning and a teaching nature. + There are few that in any true sense can be said to be alive: + of Mr. Raymount it might be said that he was coming alive; + and it was no small consolation to Hester to get thus nearer + to him. Like the rest of his children she had been a little + afraid of him, and fear, though it may dig deeper the + foundations of love, chokes its passages; she was astonished + to find before a month was over, how much of companions as + well as friends they had become to each other. + </p> + <p> + Most fathers know little of their sons and less of their + daughters. Because familiar with every feature of their + faces, every movement of their bodies, and the character of + their every habitual pose, they take it for granted they know + them! Doubtless knowledge of the person does through the body + pass into the beholder, but there are few parents who might + not make discoveries in their children which would surprise + them. Some such discoveries Mr. Raymount began to make in + Hester. + </p> + <p> + She kept up a steady correspondence with Miss Dasomma, and + that also was a great help to her. She had a note now and + then from Mr. Vavasor, and that was no help. A little present + of music was generally its pretext. He dared not trust + himself to write to her about anything else—not from + the fear of saying more than was prudent, but because, not + even yet feeling to know what she would think about this or + that, he was afraid of encountering her disapprobation. In + music he thought he did understand her, but was in truth far + from understanding her. For to understand a person in any one + thing, we must at least be capable of understanding him in + everything. Even the bits of news he ventured to send her, + all concerned the musical world—except when he referred + now and then to Cornelius he never omitted to mention his + having been to his aunt's. Hester was always glad when she + saw his writing, and always disappointed with the + letter—she could hardly have said why, for she never + expected it to go beyond the surfaces of things: he was not + yet sufficiently at home with her, she thought, to lay open + the stores of his heart and mind—as he would doubtless + have been able to do more readily had he had a sister to draw + him out! + </p> + <p> + Vavasor found himself in her absence haunted with her face, + her form, her voice, her song, her music,—sometimes + with the peace and power of her presence, and the uplifting + influence she exercised upon him, It is possible for a man to + fall in love with a woman he is centuries from being able to + understand. But how the form of such a woman must be dwarfed + in the camera of such a man's mind! It is the falsehood of + the silliest poetry to say he defies the image of his + beloved. He is but a telescope turned wrong end upon her. If + such a man could see such a woman after her true proportions, + and not as the puppet he imagines her, thinking his own small + great-things of her, he would not be able to love her at all. + To see how he sees her—to get a glimpse of the shrunken + creature he has to make of her ere, through his proud door, + he can get her into the straightened cellar of his poor, + pinched heart, would be enough to secure any such woman from + the possibility of falling in love with such a man. Hester + knew that in some directions he was much undeveloped; but she + thought she could help him; and had he thoroughly believed in + and loved her, which he was not capable of doing, she could + have helped him. But a vision of the kind of creature he was + capable of loving—therefore the kind of creature he + imagined her in loving her, would have been—to use a + low but expressive phrase—<i>a sickener to her</i>. + </p> + <p> + At length, in one of his brief communications, he mentioned + that his yearly resurrection was at hand—his + butterfly-month he called it—when he ceased for the + time to be a caterpillar, and became a creature of the upper + world, reveling in the light and air of summer. He must go + northward, he said; he wanted not a little bracing for the + heats of the autumnal city. The memories of Burcliff drew him + potently thither, but would be too sadly met by its + realities. He had an invitation to the opposite coast which + he thought he would accept. He did not know exactly where + Paradise lay, but if he found it within accessible distance, + he hoped her parents would allow him to call some morning and + be happy for an hour or two. + </p> + <p> + Hester answered that her father and mother would be glad to + see him, and if he were inclined to spend a day or two, there + was a beautiful country to show him. If his holiday happened + again to coincide with Corney's, perhaps they would come down + together. If he cared for sketching, there was no end of + picturesque spots as well as fine landscapes. + </p> + <p> + Of music or singing she said not a word. + </p> + <p> + By return of post came a grateful acceptance. About a week + after, they heard from Cornelius that his holiday was not to + make its appearance before vile November. He did not inform + them that he sought an exchange with a clerk whose holiday + fell in the said undesirable month. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch25"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXV. + </h2> + <h3> + WAS IT INTO THE FIRE? + </h3> + <p> + One lovely evening in the beginning of June, when her turn + had come to get away a little earlier, Amy Amber thought with + herself she would at last make an effort to find Miss + Raymount. In the hurry of escaping from Burcliff she left her + address behind, but had long since learned it from a + directory, and was now sufficiently acquainted with London to + know how to reach Addison square. Having dressed herself + therefore in becoming style, for dress was one of the + instincts of the girl—an unacquirable gift, not + necessarily associated with anything noble—in the + daintiest, brightest little bonnet, a well-made, rather gay + print, boots just a little too <i>auffallend</i>, and gloves + that clung closer to the small short hand than they had to + cling to the bodies of the rodents from which they came, she + set out for her visit. + </p> + <p> + In every motion and feeling, Amy Amber was a little lady. She + had not much experience. She could not fail to show ignorance + of some of the small ways and customs of the next higher of + the social strata. But such knowledge is not essential to + ladyhood, though half-ladies think themselves whole ladies + because they have it. To become ladies indeed they have to + learn what those things and the knowledge of them are really + worth. And there was another thing in which Amy was unlike + many who would on the ground of mere social position have + counted themselves immeasurably her superiors: she was + incapable of being disagreeable, and from the thing in itself + ill-bred recoiled instinctively. Without knowing it, she held + the main secret of all good manners: she was simple. Many a + one imitates simplicity, but Amy was + simple—<i>one-fold</i>. She never put anything on, + never wished to appear anything, never tried to look + pleasant. When cross, which she was sometimes, though very + rarely, she tried to <i>be</i> pleasant. If I could convey + the idea of her, with her peaceful temperament and her + sunshiny summer-atmosphere, most of my readers would allow + she must have been an engaging and lovable little lady. + </p> + <p> + She got into an omnibus, and all the way distinguished + herself by readiness to make room. Can it be that the rarity + of this virtue in England has to do with our living in a + straitened island? It <i>ought</i> to work in the contrary + direction! The British lady, the British gentleman too, seems + to cultivate a natural repellence. Amy's hospitable nature + welcomed a fellow-creature even into an omnibus. + </p> + <p> + She found Addison square, and the house she sought. It looked + dingy and dull, for many of its shutters were closed, and + there was an indescribable air of departure about it. She + knocked nevertheless, and the door was opened. She asked if + Miss Raymount was at home. + </p> + <p> + Now Sarah, with most of the good qualities of an old + trustworthy family-servant, had all the faults as well, and + one or two besides. She had not been to Burcliff, + consequently did not know Amy, else certainly she would not + have behaved to her as she ought. Many householders have not + an idea how abominably the servants they count patterns of + excellence comport themselves to those even to whom special + attention is owing. + </p> + <p> + "They are all out of town, miss," replied Sarah, + "—except Mr. Cornelius, of course." + </p> + <p> + At that moment Mr. Cornelius, on his way to go out, stepped + on the landing of the stair, and stood for an instant looking + down into the hall, wondering who it might be at the door. + From his position he could not see Amy's face, and had he + seen it, I doubt if he would have recognized her, but the + moment he heard her voice he knew it, and hurried down his + face in a glow of pleasure. But as he drew near, the change + in her seemed to him so great that he could hardly believe + with his eyes what his ears had told him. + </p> + <p> + From the first, Corney, like every one else of the family, + was taken with Amy, and Amy was not less than a little taken + with him. The former fact is not wonderful, the latter not + altogether inexplicable. No man needs flatter his + <i>vanity</i> much on the ground of being liked by women, for + there never yet was man but some woman was pleased with him. + Corney was good-looking, and, except with his own people, + ready enough to make himself agreeable. Troubled with no + modesty and very little false shame, and having a perfect + persuasion of the power of his intellect and the felicity of + his utterance, he never lost the chance of saying a good + thing from the fear of saying a foolish one; neither having + said a foolish one, did he ever perceive that such it was. + With a few of his own kind he had the repute of one who said + very good things. Amy, on her side, was ready to be pleased + with whatever could be regarded as pleasant—most of all + with things intended to please, and was prejudiced in + Corney's favor through knowing less of him and more of his + family. Her face beamed with pleasure at sight of him, and + almost involuntarily she stepped within the door to meet him. + </p> + <p> + "Amy! Who would have thought of seeing you here? When did you + come to town?" he said, and shook hands with her. + </p> + <p> + "I have been in London a long time," she answered. Corney + thought she looked as if she had. + </p> + <p> + "How deuced pretty she is!" he said to himself. Quite + lady-like, by Jove." + </p> + <p> + "Come up-stairs," he said, "and tell me all about it." + </p> + <p> + He turned and led the way. Without a second thought, Amy + followed him. Sarah stood for a moment with a stare, + wondering who the lady could be: Mr. Cornelius was so much at + home with her! and she had never been to the house before! "A + cousin from Australia," she concluded: they had cousins + there. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius went into the drawing-room, Amy after him, and + opened the shutters of a window, congratulating himself on + his good luck. Not often did anything so pleasant enter the + stupid old place! He made her sit on the sofa in the + half-dark, sat down beside her, and in a few minutes had all + her story. Moved by her sweet bright face and pretty manners, + pleased with the deference, amounting to respect, which she + showed him, he began to think her the nicest girl he had ever + known. For her behavior made him feel a large person with + power over her, in which power she seemed pleased to find + herself. After a conversation of about half an hour, she + rose. + </p> + <p> + "What!" said Corney, "you're not going already, Amy?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir," replied Amy, "I think I had better go. I am so + sorry not to see Miss Raymount! She was very kind to me!" + </p> + <p> + "You mustn't go yet," said Corney. "Sit down and rest a + little. Come—you used to like music: I will sing to + you, and you shall tell me whether I have improved since you + heard me last." + </p> + <p> + He went to the piano, and Amy sat down again. He sang with + his usual inferiority—which was not so inferior that he + failed of pleasing simple Amy. She expressed herself + delighted. He sang half a dozen songs, then showed her a book + of photographs, chiefly portraits of the more famous + actresses of the day, and told her about them. With one thing + and another he kept her—until Sarah grew fidgety, and + was on the point of stalking up from the kitchen to the + drawing-room, when she heard them coming down. Cornelius took + his hat and stick, and said he would walk with her. Amy made + no objection; she was pleased to have his company; he went + with her all the way to the lodging she shared with her + friend in a quiet little street in Kensington. Before they + parted, her manner and behavior, her sweetness, and the + prettiness which would have been beauty had it been on a + larger scale, had begun to fill what little there was of + Corney's imagination; and he left her with a feeling that he + knew where a treasure lay. He walked with an enlargement of + strut as he went home through the park, and swung his cane + with the air of a man who had made a conquest of which he had + reason to be proud. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch26"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXVI. + </h2> + <h3> + WAITING A PURPOSE. + </h3> + <p> + The hot dreamy days rose and sank in Yrndale. Hester would + wake in the morning oppressed with the feeling that there was + something she ought to have begun long ago, and must + positively set about this new day. Then as her inner day + cleared, she would afresh recognize her duty as that of those + who stand and wait. She had no great work to do—only + the common family duties of the day, and her own education + for what might be the will of Him who, having made her for + something, would see that the possibility of that something + should not be wanting. In the heat of the day she would seek + a shady spot with a book for her companion—generally + some favorite book, for she was not one of those who say of + one book as of another—"Oh, I've read that!" It was + some time before she came to like any particular spot: so + many drew her, and the spirit of exploration in that which + was her own was strong in her. Under the shadow of some rock, + the tent-roof of some umbrageous beech, or the solemn gloom + of some pine-grove, the brooding spirit of the summer would + day after day find her when the sun was on the height of his + great bridge, and fill her with the sense of that repose in + which alone she herself can work. Then would such a + quiescence pervade Hester's spirit, such a sweet spiritual + sleep creep over her, that nothing seemed required of her but + to live; mere existence was conscious well-being. But the + feeling never lasted long. All at once would start awake in + her the dread that she was forsaking the way, inasmuch as she + was more willing to be idle, and rest in inaction. Then would + faith rouse herself and say: "But God will take care of you + in this thing too. You have not to watch lest He should + forget, but to be ready when He gives you the lightest call. + You have to keep listening." And the ever returning + corrective to such mood came with the evening; for, regularly + as she went to bed at night and left it in the morning, she + went from the tea-table in the afternoon to her piano, and + there, through all the sweet evening movements and + atmospheric changes of the brain—for the brain has its + morning and evening, its summer and winter as well as the day + and the year—would meditate aloud, or brood aloud over + the musical meditations of some master in harmony. And + oftener than she knew, especially in the twilight, when the + days had grown shorter, and his mother feared for him the + falling dew, would Mark be somewhere in the dusk listening to + her, a lurking cherub, feeding on her music—sometimes + ascending on its upward torrent to a solitude where only God + could find him. + </p> + <p> + At such time the thought of Vavasor would come, and for a + while remain; but it was chiefly as one who would be a + welcome helper in her work. When for the time she had had + enough of music, softly as she would have covered a child, + she would close her piano, then glide like a bat into the + night, and wander hither and thither through the gloom + without conscious choice. Then most would she think what it + would be to have a man for a friend, one who would strengthen + her heart and make her bold to do what was needful and right; + and if then the thoughts of the maiden would fall to the + natural architecture of maidens, and build one or two of the + airy castles into which no man has looked or can look, and if + through them went flitting the form of Vavasor, who will + wonder! It is not the building of castles in the steepest + heights of air that is to be blamed, but the building of such + as inspector conscience is not invited to enter. To cherish + the ideal of a man with whom to walk on her way through the + world, is as right for a woman as it was for God to make them + male and female; and to the wise virgin it will ever be a + solemn thought, lovelily dwelt upon, and never mockingly, + when most playfully handled. For there is a play even with + most serious things that has in it no offense. Humor has its + share even in religion—but oh, how few seem to + understand its laws! I confess to a kind of foreboding + shudder when even a clergyman begins to jest upon the borders + of sacred things. It is not humor that is irreverent, but the + mind that gives it the wrong turn. As we may be angry and not + sin, so may we jest and not sin. But there is a poor ambition + to be married, which is, I fear, the thought most present + with too many young women. They feel as if their worth + remained unacknowledged, as if there were for them no place + they could call their own in society, until they find a man + to take them under his wing. She degrades womanhood who + thinks thus of herself. It says ill for the relation of + father and mother if the young women of a family recoil from + the thought of being married, but it says ill for the + relation of parents and children if they are longing to be + married. + </p> + <p> + One evening towards the end of July, when the summer is at + its heat, and makes the world feel as if there never had + been, and never ought to be anything but summer; and when the + wind of its nights comes to us from the land where the sun is + not, to tell human souls that, dear as is the sunlight to + their eyes, there are sweeter things far with which the sun + has little to do—Hester was sitting under a fir-tree on + the gathered leaves of numberless years, pine-odors filling + the air around her, as if they, too, stole out with the + things of the night when the sun was gone. It happened that a + man came late in the day to tune her piano, and she had left + him at his work, and wandered up the hill in the last of the + sunlight. All at once the wind awoke, and began to sing the + strange, thin, monotonous Elysian ghost-song of the + pine-wood—for she sat in a little grove of pines, and + they were all around her. The sweet melancholy of the hour + moved her spirit. So close was her heart to that of nature + that, when alone with it, she seldom or never longed for her + piano; she <i>had</i> the music, and did not need to hear it. + When we are very near to God, we do not desire the Bible. + When we feel far from him, we may well make haste to it. Most + people, I fear, wait till they are inclined to seek him. They + do not stir themselves up to lay hold on God; they breathe + the dark airs of the tomb till the morning break, instead of + rising at once and setting out on their journey to meet it. + </p> + <p> + As she sat in music-haunted reverie, she heard a slight + rustle on the dry carpet around her feet, and the next moment + saw dark in the gloom the form of a man. She was startled, + but he spoke instantly; it was Vavasor. She was still, and + could not answer for a moment. + </p> + <p> + "I am so sorry I frightened you!" he said. + </p> + <p> + "It is nothing," she returned. "Why can't one help being + silly? I don't see why ladies should ever be frightened more + than gentlemen." + </p> + <p> + "Men are quite as easily startled as ladies," he answered, + "though perhaps they come to themselves a little quicker. + Nothing is more startling than to find some one near when you + thought you were alone." + </p> + <p> + "Except," said Hester, "finding yourself alone when you + thought some one was near. But how did you find me?" + </p> + <p> + "They told me at the house you were somewhere in this + direction. Mark had followed you apparently some distance. So + I ventured to come and look for you, and—something led + me right. But all the time I seem going to lose myself + instead of finding you." + </p> + <p> + "It might be both," returned Hester; "for I don't at all know + my way with certainty, especially in the dusk. We are on the + shady side of the hill, you see." + </p> + <p> + "I cannot have lost myself if I have found you," rejoined + Vavasor, but did not venture to carry the speech farther. + </p> + <p> + "It is time we were moving," said Hester, "seeing we are both + so uncertain of the way. Who knows when we may reach the + house!" + </p> + <p> + "Do let us risk it a few minutes longer," said Vavasor. "This + is delicious. Just think a moment: this my first burst from + the dungeon-land of London for a whole year! This is + paradise! I could fancy I was dreaming of fairyland! But it + is such an age since you left London, that I fear you must be + getting used to it, and will scarcely understand my delight!" + </p> + <p> + "It is only the false fairyland of mechanical inventors," + replied Hester, "that children ever get tired of. And yet I + don't know," she added, correcting herself; "it is true the + things that delight Saffy are a contempt to Mark; but I am + sorry to say the things Mark delights in, Saffy says are so + dull; there is hardly a giant in them!" + </p> + <p> + As they talked Vavasor had seated himself on the fir-spoil + beside her. She asked him about his journey and about + Cornelius; then told him how she came to be there instead of + at her piano, + </p> + <p> + "The tuner must have finished by this time!" she said; "let + us go and try his work!" + </p> + <p> + So saying she rose, and was on her feet before Vavasor. The + way seemed to reveal itself to her as they went, and they + were soon at home. + </p> + <p> + The next fortnight Vavasor spent at Yrndale. In those days + Nature had the best chance with him she had yet had since + first he came into her dominions. For a man is a man, however + he may have been "dragged up," and however much injured he + may be by the dragging. Society may have sought to substitute + herself for both God and Nature, and may have had a horrible + amount of success: the rout of Comus see no beast-faces among + them. Yet, I repeat, man is potentially a man, however far he + may be from actual manhood. What one man has, every man has, + however hidden and unrecognizable. Who knows what may not + sometimes be awakened in him! The most heartless scoffer may + be suddenly surprised by emotion in a way to him + unaccountable; of all its approaches and all the preparation + for it he has been profoundly unaware. During that fortnight, + Vavasor developed not merely elements of which he had had no + previous consciousness, but elements in whose existence he + could not be said to have really believed. He believed in + them the less in fact that he had affected their existence in + himself, and thought he possessed what there was of them to + be possessed. The most remarkable event at once of his inner + and outer history, and the only one that must have seemed + almost incredible to those who knew him best, was, that one + morning he got up in time to see, and for the purpose of + seeing, the sun rise. I hardly expect to be believed when I + tell the fact! I am not so much surprised that he formed the + resolution the night before. Something Hester said is enough + to account for that. But that a man like him should already + have got on so far as, in the sleepiness of the morning, to + keep the resolve he had come to in the wakefulness of the + preceding night, fills me with astonishment. It was a great + stride forward. Nor was this all: he really enjoyed it! I do + not merely mean that, as a victorious man, he enjoyed the + conquest of himself when the struggle was over, attributing + to it more heroism than it could rightly claim; nor yet that, + as any young human animal may, he enjoyed the clear + invigorating clean air that filled his lungs like a new gift + of life and strength. He had poetry enough to feel something + of the indwelling greatness that belonged to the vision + itself—for a vision and a prophecy it is, as much as + when first it rose on the wondering gaze of human spirit, to + every soul that through its eyes can see what those eyes + cannot see. He felt a power of some kind present to his soul + in the sight—though he but set it down to poetic + feeling, which he never imagined to have anything to do with + fact. It was in the so-called Christian the mere rudiment of + that worship of the truth which in the old Guebers was + developed into adoration of it in its symbol. It was the + drawing of the eternal Nature in him towards the naturing + Eternal, whom he was made to understand, but of whom he knew + so little. + </p> + <p> + When the evening came, after almost a surfeit of music, if + one dare, un-self-accused, employ such a word concerning a + holy thing, they went out to wander a little about the house + in the twilight. + </p> + <p> + "In such a still soft negative of life," he said, "as such an + evening gives us, really one could almost doubt whether there + was indeed such a constantly recurring phenomenon in nature + as I saw this morning!" + </p> + <p> + "What did you see this morning?" asked Hester, wondering. + </p> + <p> + "I saw the sun rise," he answered. + </p> + <p> + "Did you really? I'm so glad! That is a sight rarely seen in + London—at least if I may judge by my own experience." + </p> + <p> + "One goes to bed so late and so tired!" he replied simply. + </p> + <p> + "True! and even if one be up in time, where could you see it + from?" + </p> + <p> + "I <i>have</i> seen it rise coming home from a dance; but + then somehow you don't seem to have anything to do with it. I + have, however, often smelt the hay in the streets in the + morning." + </p> + <p> + Hester was checked by this mention of the hay—as if the + sun was something that belonged to the country, like the + grass he withered; but ere she had time to explain to herself + what she felt, the next thing he said got her over it. + </p> + <p> + "I assure you I felt as if I had never seen the sun before. + His way of getting up was a new thing to me altogether. He + seemed to mean shining—and somehow I felt that he did. + In London he always looks indifferent—just as if he had + got it to do, and couldn't help it, like everybody else in + the horrible place. Who is it that says—'God made the + country, and man made the town'?" + </p> + <p> + "I think it was Cowper, but I'm not sure," answered Hester. + "It can't be quite true though. I suspect man has more to do + with the unmaking than the making of either. We have reason + to be glad he has not come near enough to us yet to destroy + either our river or our atmosphere." + </p> + <p> + "He is creeping on, though. The quarries are not very far + from you even now." + </p> + <p> + "The quarries do little or no harm. There are a great many + things man may do that only make nature show her beauty the + more. I have been thinking a good deal about it lately: it is + the rubbish that makes all the difficulty—the refuse of + the mills and the pits and the iron-works and the potteries + that does all the mischief." + </p> + <p> + "So it is! and worst of all the human + rubbish—especially that which gathers in our great + cities, and gives so much labor in vain to clergyman and + philanthropist!" + </p> + <p> + Hester smiled—not that she was pleased with the way + Vavasor spoke, for she could not but believe he would in his + <i>rubbish</i> include many of her dear people, but that she + was amused at his sympathetic tone towards the clergy as + generally concerned in the matter. For she had had a little + experience, and had listened to much testimony from such as + knew, and firmly believed that the clergy were very near the + root of the evil; and that not with the hoe and weeder, but + with the watering pot and artificial manure, helping largely + to convert the poor—into beggars, and the lawless into + hypocrites, heaping cairn upon cairn on the grave of their + poor prostrate buried souls. But thank God, it is by the few, + but fast increasing exceptions, that she knew what the rest + were doing! + </p> + <p> + But perhaps he meant only the wicked when he used the word. + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean by the human rubbish, Mr. Vavasor?" she + asked. + </p> + <p> + He saw he must be careful, and would fence a little. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you think," he said slowly, and measuring his words, + "that in the body politic there is something analogous to the + waste in matter?" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," she answered, "only we might differ as to the + persons who were to be classed in it. I think we should be + careful of our judgment as to when that state has been + reached. I fancy that is just the one thing the human faculty + is least able to cope with. None but God can read in a man + what he really is. It can't be a safe thing to call human + beings, our own kith and kin, born into the same world with + us, and under the same laws of existence, <i>rubbish</i>." + </p> + <p> + "I see what you mean," said Vavasor to Hester. But to himself + said, "Good heavens!" + </p> + <p> + "You see," Hester went on—they were walking in the dark + dusk, she before him in a narrow path among the trees, whence + she was able both to think and speak more freely than if they + had been looking in each other's face in the broad + daylight—"you see, rubbish with life in it is an + awkward thing to deal with. Rubbish proper is that out of + which the life, so far at least as we can see, is gone; and + this loss of life has rendered it useless, so that it cannot + even help the growth of life in other things. But suppose, on + the one hand, this rubbish, say that which lies about the + mouth of a coal-pit, could be by some process made to produce + the most lovely flowers, or that, on the other hand, if + neglected, it would bring out the most horrible weeds of + poison; infecting the air, or say horrible creeping things, + then the word <i>rubbish</i> would mean either too much or + too little; for it means what can be put to no use, and what + is noxious by its mere presence, its ugliness and immediate + defilement. You see, Mr. Vavasor, I have been thinking a + great deal about all this kind of thing. It is my business in + a way." + </p> + <p> + "But would you not allow that the time comes when nothing can + be done with them?" + </p> + <p> + "I will not allow it of any I have to do with, at least + before I can say with confidence I have done all I can. After + that another may be able to do more. And who shall say when + God can do no more—God who takes no care of himself, + and is laboriously working to get his children home." + </p> + <p> + "I confess," said Vavasor, "the condition of our poor in our + large towns is the great question of the day." + </p> + <p> + "—which every one is waking up to <i>talk</i> about," + said Hester, and said no more. + </p> + <p> + For, as one who tried to do something, she did not like to go + on and say that if all who found the question interesting, + would instead of talking about it do what they could, not to + its solution but to its removal, they would at least make + their mark on the <i>rubbish</i>-heap, of which not all the + wind of words would in ten thousand years blow away a + spadeful. And yet is talk a less evil than the mischief of + mere experimenters. It is well there is the talk to keep many + from doing positive harm. It is not those who, regarding the + horrors around them as a nuisance, are bent upon their + destruction, who will work any salvation in the earth, but + those who see the wrongs of the poor, and strive to give them + their own. Not those who desire a good report among men, nor + those who seek an antidote against the tedium of a selfish + existence, but those who, loving their own flesh and blood, + and willing not merely to spend but to be spent for them, + draw nigh them, being to being, will cause the light to rise + upon such as now sit in darkness and the shadow of death. + Love, and love alone, as from the first it is the source of + all life, love alone, wise at once and foolish as a child, + can work redemption. It is life drawing nigh to life, person + to person, the human to human, that conquers death. + This—therefore urges people to combine, seeking the + strength of men, not the strength of God. The result is as he + would have it—inevitable quarreling. The unfit brought + in for strength are weakness and destruction. They want their + own poor way, and destroy the work of their hands by the + sound of their tongues. Combinations should be for passing + necessities, and only between those who can each do good work + alone, and will do it with or without combination. Whoever + depends on combinations is a weakness to any association, + society or church to which he may imagine himself to belong. + The more easily any such can be dissolved the better. It is + always by single individual communication that the truth has + passed in power from soul to soul. Love alone, and the + obligation thereto between the members of Christ's body, is + the one eternal unbreakable bond. It is only where love is + not that law must go. Law is indeed necessary, but woe to the + community where love does not cast out—where at least + love is not casting out law. Not all the laws in the universe + can save a man from poverty, not to say from sin, not to say + from conscious misery. Work on, ye who cannot see this. Do + your best. You will be rewarded according to your honesty. + You will be saved by the fire that will destroy your work, + and will one day come to see that Christ's way, and no other + whatever, can either redeem your own life, or render the + condition of the poorest or the richest wretch such as would + justify his creation. If by the passing of this or that more + or less wise law, you could, in the person of his descendant + of the third or fourth generation, make a <i>well-to-do</i> + man of him, he would probably be a good deal farther from the + kingdom of heaven than the beggar or the thief over whom you + now lament. The criminal classes, to use your phrase, are not + made up of quite the same persons in the eyes of the Supreme + as in yours. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor began to think that if ever the day came when he + might approach Hester "as a suitor for her hand," he must be + very careful over what he called her philanthropic craze. But + if ever he should in earnest set about winning her, he had + full confidence in the artillery he could bring to the siege: + he had not yet made any real effort to gain her affections. + </p> + <p> + Neither had he a doubt that, having succeeded, all would be + easy, and he could do with her much as he pleased. He had no + anxiety concerning the philanthropic craze thereafter. His + wife, once introduced to such society as would then be her + right, would speedily be cured of any such extravagance or + enthusiasm as gave it the character of folly. + </p> + <p> + Under the influence of the lovely place, of the lovely + weather, and of his admiration for Hester, the latent poetry + of his nature awoke with increasing rapidity; and, this + reacting on its partial occasion, he was growing more and + more in love with Hester. He was now, to use the phrase with + which he confessed the fact to himself, "over head and ears + in love with her," and notwithstanding the difficulties in + his way, it was a pleasant experience to him: like most who + have gone through the same, he was at this time nearer + knowing what bliss may be than he had ever been before. Most + men have the gates once thus opened to them a little way, + that they may have what poor suggestion may be given them, by + their closing again, of how far off they are from them. Very + hard! Is it? Then why in the name of God, will you not go up + to them and enter? You do not like the conditions? But the + conditions are the only natural possibilities of entrance. + Enter as you are and you would but see the desert you think + to leave behind you, not a glimpse of a promised land. The + false cannot inherit the true nor the unclean the lovely. + </p> + <p> + And it began to grow plain to him that now his aunt could no + longer look upon the idea of such an alliance, as she must + <i>naturally</i> have regarded it before. It was a very + different thing to see her in the midst of such grounds and + in such a house, with all the old-fashioned comforts and + luxuries of an ancient and prosperous family around her, and + in that of a toiling <i>littérateur</i> in the dingy + region of Bloomsbury, where everything was—of course + respectable in a way, but that way a very inferior + and—well, snuffy kind of way—where indeed you + could not dissociate the idea of smoke and brokers' shops + from the newest bonnet on Hester's queenly head! If he could + get his aunt to see her in the midst of these surroundings, + then her beauty would have a chance of working its natural + effect upon her, tuned here to "its right praise and true + perfection." She was not a jealous woman, and was ready to + admire where she could, but not the less would keep even + beauty at arm's length when prudence recommended: here, + thought Vavasor, prudence would hold her peace. He would at + least himself stand amid no small amount of justification. + </p> + <p> + By degrees, and without any transition marked of Hester, + emboldened mainly by the influences of the soft dusky + twilight, he came to speak with more warmth and nearer + approach. His heart was tuned above its ordinary pitch, and + he was borne a captive slave in the triumph of Nature's hour. + </p> + <p> + "How strangely this loveliness seems to sink into the soul," + he said one evening, when the bats were coming and going like + thoughts that refuse to take shape and be shared, and when + with intensest listening you could not be sure whether it was + a general murmur of nature you heard, low in her sleep, or + only the strained nerves of your own being imitating that + which was not. + </p> + <p> + "For the moment," he went on, "you seem to be the soul of + that which is around you, yet oppressed with the weight of + its vastness, and unable to account for what is going on in + it." + </p> + <p> + "I think I understand you," returned Hester. "It is strange + to feel at once so large and so small; but I presume that is + how all true feeling seems to itself." + </p> + <p> + "You are right," responded Vavasor; "for when one loves, how + it exalts his whole being, yet in the presence of the woman + he worships, how small he feels, and how unworthy!" + </p> + <p> + In the human being humility and greatness are not only + correlative, but are one and the same condition. But this was + beyond Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + For the first time in her life Hester felt, nor knew what it + was, a vague pang of jealousy. Whatever certain others may + think, there are women who, having had their minds constantly + filled with true and earnest things, have come for years to + woman's full dignity, without having even speculated on what + it may be to be in love. Such therefore are somewhat in the + dark when first it begins to show itself within themselves: + that it should be within them, they having never invited its + presence, adds to their perplexity. She was silent, and + Vavasor, whose experience was scarcely so valuable as her + ignorance, judged he might venture a little farther. But with + all his experience in the manufacture of compliments and in + high-flown poetry, he was now at a loss; he had no fine + theories of love to talk from! Love was with him, <i>at its + best</i>, the something that preceded marriage—after + which, whatever boys and girls might think, and although, of + course, to a beautiful wife like Hester he could never + imagine himself false, it must take its chance. But as he sat + beside God's loveliest idea, exposed to the mightiest + enchantment of life, little imagining it an essential + heavenly decree for the redemption of the souls of men, he + saw, for broken moments, and with half-dazed glimpses, into + the eternal, and spoke as one in a gracious dream: + </p> + <p> + "If one might sit forever thus!" he said, almost in a + whisper,—"forever and ever, needing nothing, desiring + nothing! lost in perfect, in absolute bliss! so peacefully + glad that you do not want to know what other joy lies behind! + so content, that, if you were told there was no other bliss, + you would but say, 'I am the more glad; I want no other! I + refuse all else! let the universe hear, and trouble me with + none! This and nought else ought ever to be—on and on! + to the far-away end. The very soul of me is music, and needs + not the softest sound of earth to keep it alive.'" + </p> + <p> + At that moment came a sigh of the night-wind, and bore to + their ears the whispered moan of the stream away in the + hollow, as it broke its being into voice over the pebbly + troubles of its course. It came with a swell, and a faint + sigh through the pines, and they woke and answered it with + yet more ethereal voice. + </p> + <p> + "Still! still!" said Vavasor, apostrophizing the river as if + it were a live thing and understood him; "do not speak to me. + I cannot attend even to your watery murmur. A sweeter music, + born of the motions of my own spirit, fills my whole hearing. + Be content with thy flowing, as I am content with my being. + Would that God in the mercy of a God would make this moment + eternal!" + </p> + <p> + He ceased, and was silent. + </p> + <p> + Hester could not help being thrilled by the rhythm, moved by + the poetic phrase, and penetrated by the air of poetic + thought that pervaded the utterance—which would + doubtless indeed have entranced many a smaller woman than + herself, yet was not altogether pleased. Never yet had she + reached anything like a moment concerning which even in + transient mood she could pray, "Let it last forever!" Nor was + the present within sight of any reason why she should not + wish it to make way for a better behind it. But the show of + such feeling in Vavasor, was at least the unveiling of a soul + of song in him, of such a nature, such a relation to upper + things that he must one day come to feel the highest, and + know a bliss beyond all feeble delights of the mere human + imagination. She must not be captious and contrary with the + poor fellow, she thought—that would be as bad as to + throw aside her poor people: he was afflicted with the same + poverty that gave all the sting to theirs. To be a true woman + she must help all she could help—rich or poor, nor show + favor. "Thou shalt not countenance a poor man in his cause." + </p> + <p> + "I do not <i>quite</i> understand you," she said. "I can + scarcely imagine the time should ever come when I should wish + it, or even be content that it should last for ever." + </p> + <p> + "Have you had so little happiness?" he asked sympathetically. + </p> + <p> + "I do not mean that," she replied. "Indeed I have had a great + deal—more than all but a very few, I should imagine. + But I do not think much of happiness. Perhaps that is a + sign—I daresay it is—that I have not had much of + what is not happiness. But no amount of happiness that I have + known yet would make me wish the time to stand still. I want + to be always growing—and while one is growing Time + cannot stand if he would: you drag him on with you! I want, + if you would like it better put in that way, to be always + becoming more and more capable of happiness. Whether I have + it or not, I must be and ought to be capable of it." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" returned Vavasor, "you are as usual out of sight beyond + me. You must take pity on me and carry me with you, else you + will leave me miles behind, and I shall never look on you + again; and what eternity would be to me without your face to + look at, God only knows. There will be no punishment + necessary for me but to know that there is a gulf I cannot + pass between us." + </p> + <p> + "But why should it be so!" answered Hester almost tenderly. + "Our fate is in our own hands. It is ours to determine the + direction in which we shall go. I don't want to preach to + you, dear Mr. Vavasor, but so much surely one friend may say + to another! Why should not every one be reasonable enough to + seek the one best thing, and then there would be no parting; + whereas all the love and friendship in the world would not + suffice to keep people together if they were inwardly parted + by such difference as you imply." + </p> + <p> + Vavasor's heart was touched in two ways by this simple + speech—first, in the best way in which it was at the + moment capable of being touched; for he could not help + thinking for a moment what a blessed thing it must be to feel + good and have no weight upon you—as this lovely girl + plainly did, and live like her in perfect fearlessness of + whatever might be going to happen to you. Religion would be + better than endurable in the company of such an embodiment of + it! He might even qualify for some distinction in it with + such a teacher!—Second, in the way of + self-satisfaction; for clearly she was not disinclined to be + on terms of closer intimacy with him. And as she made the + advance why should he not accept, if not the help, yet the + offer of the help she had <i>almost</i> made? That would and + could bind him to nothing. He understood her well enough to + have no slightest suspicion of any coquetry such as a fool + like Cornelius would have imagined. He was nevertheless a + fool, also, only of another and deeper sort. It needs brains + to be a real fool! + </p> + <p> + From that night he placed himself more than ever in the + position of a pupil towards her, hoping in the natural effect + of the intimacy. To keep up and deepen the relation, he would + go on imagining himself in this and that difficulty, such as + he was never really in, or even quite knew that he was not + in. He was no conscious hypocrite in the matter—only + his intellect alone was concerned where he talked as if his + being was. No answer he could have had would have had the + smallest effect on the man—Vavasor only determined what + he would say next. Hester kept trying to meet him as simply + and directly as she could, although to meet these supposed + difficulties she was unconsciously compelled to transform + them, in order to get a hold of them at all, into something + the nearest like them that she understood—still + something very different from anything in Vavasor's thoughts. + But what she said made no difference to him, so long as she + would talk to him. And talk she did, sometimes with an + affectionate fervor of whose very possibility he had had no + idea. So long as she would talk, he cared not a straw whether + she understood what he had said; and with all her + misconception, she understood it better than he did himself. + Thus her growing desire to wake in him the better life, + brought herself into relations with him which had an earthly + side, as everything heavenly of necessity has; for this life + also is God's, and the hairs of our heads are numbered. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch27"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXVII. + </h2> + <h3> + MAJOR H.G. MARVEL. + </h3> + <p> + One afternoon when Vavasor was in his room, writing a letter + to his aunt, in which he described in not too glowing terms, + for he knew exaggeration would only give her a handle, the + loveliness of the retreat among the hills where he was + spending his holiday—when her father was in his study, + her mother in her own room, and the children out of doors, a + gentleman was shown in upon her as she sat alone in the + drawing-room at her piano, not playing but looking over some + books of old music she had found in the house. The servant + apologized, saying he thought she was out. The visitor being + already in the room, the glance she threw on the card the man + had given her had had time to teach her little or nothing + with regard to him when she advanced to receive him. The name + on the card was <i>Major H.G. Marvel</i>. She vaguely thought + she had heard it, but in the suddenness of the meeting was + unable to recall a single idea concerning the owner of it. + She saw before her a man whose decidedly podgy figure yet + bore a military air, and was not without a certain grace of + confidence. For his bearing was even <i>marked</i> by the + total absence of any embarrassment, anxiety, or any even of + that air of apology which one individual seems almost to owe + to another. At the same time there was not a suspicion of + truculence or even repulse in his carriage. There was + self-assertion, but not of the antagonistic—solely of + the inviting sort. His person beamed with friendship. Notably + above the middle height, the impression of his stature was + reduced by a too great development of valor in the front of + his person, which must always have met the enemy considerably + in advance of the rest of him. On the top of rather + asthmatic-looking shoulders was perched a head that looked + small for the base from which it rose, and the smaller that + it was an evident proof of the derivation of the word + <i>bald</i>, by Chaucer spelled <i>balled</i>; it was round + and smooth and shining like ivory, and the face upon it was + brought by the help of the razor into as close a resemblance + with the rest of the ball as possible. The said face was a + pleasant one to look at—of features altogether + irregular—a retreating and narrow forehead over keen + gray eyes that sparkled with intelligence and fun, prominent + cheek-bones, a nose thick in the base and considerably + elevated at the point, a large mouth always ready to show a + set of white, regular, serviceable teeth—the only + regular arrangement in the whole facial economy—and a + chin whose original character was rendered doubtful by its + <i>duplicity</i>—physical, I mean, with no hint at the + moral. + </p> + <p> + "Cousin Hester!" he said, advancing, and holding out his + hand. + </p> + <p> + Mechanically she gave him hers. The voice that addressed her + was at once a little husky, and very cheery; the hand that + took hers was small and soft and kind and firm. A merry, + friendly smile lighted up eyes and face as he spoke. Hester + could not help liking him at first sight—yet felt a + little shy of him. She thought she had heard her mother speak + of a cousin somewhere abroad: this must be he—if indeed + she did remember any such! + </p> + <p> + "You don't remember me," he said, "seeing you were not in + this world, wherever else you may have been, for a year or + two after I left the country: and, to tell the truth, had I + been asked, I should have objected to your appearance on any + terms." + </p> + <p> + As this speech did not seem to carry much enlightenment with + it, he went on to explain. "The fact is, my dear young lady, + that I left the country because your mother and I were too + much of one mind." + </p> + <p> + "Of one mind?" said Hester, bewildered. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, you don't understand!" said the major, who was all the + time standing before her with the most polite though + confident bearing. "The thing you see, was this: I liked your + mother better than myself, and so did she; and without any + jealousy of one another, it was not an arrangement for my + happiness. I had the choice between two things, stopping at + home and breaking my heart by seeing her the wife of another + man, and going away and getting over it the best way I could. + So you see I must by nature be your sworn enemy, only it's of + no use, for I've fallen in love with you at first sight. So + now, if you will ask me to sit down, I will swear to let + bygones be bygones, and be your true knight and devoted + servant as long as I live. How you do remind me of your + mother, only by Jove, you're twice as handsome." + </p> + <p> + "Do pray sit down, Mr. Marley——" + </p> + <p> + "Marvel, if you please," interrupted the major; "and I'm sure + it's a great marvel if not a great man I am, after what I've + come through! But don't you marvel at me too much, for I'm a + very good sort of fellow when you know me. And if you could + let me have a glass of water, with a little sherry just to + take the taste off it, I should be greatly obliged to you. I + have had to walk farther for the sight of you than on such a + day as this I find altogether refreshing: it's as hot as the + tropics, by George! But I am well repaid—even without + the sherry." + </p> + <p> + As he spoke he was wiping his round head all over with a red + silk handkerchief. + </p> + <p> + "I will get it at once, and let my mother know you are here," + said Hester, turning to the door. + </p> + <p> + "No, no, never mind your mother; I daresay she is busy, or + lying down. She always went to lie down at this time of the + day; she was never very strong you know, though I don't doubt + it was quite as much to get rid of me. I shouldn't wonder if + she thought me troublesome in those days. But I bear no + malice now, and I hope she doesn't either. Tell her I say so. + It's more than five and twenty years ago, though to me it + don't seem more than so many weeks. Don't disturb your + mother, my dear. But if you insist on doing so, tell her old + Harry is come to see her—very much improved since she + turned him about his business." + </p> + <p> + Hester told a servant to take the sherry and the water to the + drawing-room, and, much amused, ran to find her mother. + "There's the strangest gentleman down-stairs, mamma, calling + himself old Harry. He's having some sherry and water in the + drawing-room! I never saw such an odd man!" Her mother + laughed—a pleased little laugh. "Go to him, Hester + dear, and say I shall be down directly." "Is he really a + cousin, mamma?" "To be sure—my second cousin! He was + very fond of me once." "Oh, he has told me all about that + already. He says you sent him about his business." "If that + means that I wouldn't marry him, it is true enough. But he + doesn't know what I went through for always taking his part. + I always stood up for him, though I never could bear him near + me. He was such an odd, good-natured bear! such a rough sort + of creature! always saying the thing he ought not to, and + making everybody, ladies especially, uncomfortable! He never + meant any harm, but never saw where fun should stop. You + wouldn't believe the vulgar things Harry would say out of + pure fun!—especially if he got hold of a very stiff old + maid; he would tease her till he got her in a passion. But if + she began to cry, then Harry had the worst of it, and was as + penitent as any good child. I daresay he's much improved by + this time." "He told me to tell you he was. But if he is much + improved—well, what he must have been! I like him + though, mamma—I suppose because you liked him a little. + So take care you are not too hard upon him; I'm going to take + him up now." + </p> + <p> + "I make over my interest in him, and have no doubt he will be + pleased enough with the change, for a man can't enjoy finding + an old woman where he had all the time been imagining a young + one. But I must warn you, Hester, as he seems to have made a + conquest of you already, that he has in the meantime been + married to a black—or at least a very brown Hindoo + woman." + </p> + <p> + "That's nothing to his discredit with you, mamma, I hope. Has + he brought her home with him, I wonder." + </p> + <p> + "She has been dead now for some ten years. I believe he had a + large fortune with her, which he has since by judicious + management increased considerably. He is really a + good-hearted fellow, and was kind to every one of his own + relations as long as there was one left to be kind to." + </p> + <p> + "Well, I shall go back to him, mamma, and tell him you are + coming as soon as you have got your wig and your newest + lace-cap on, and your cheeks rouged and pearl-powdered, to + look as like the lady that would none of him as you can." + </p> + <p> + Her mother laughed merrily, and pretended to box her + daughter's ears. It was not often any mood like this rose + between them; for not only were they serious in heart, but + from temperament, and history, and modes and direction of + thought, their ways were serious as well. Yet who may so well + break out in childlike merriment as those whose life has in + it no moth-eaten Mammon-pits, who have no fear, no greed, and + live with a will—rising like the sun to fill the day + with the work given them to do! + </p> + <p> + "Look what I have brought you, cousin," said major Marvel, + the moment Hester re-entered the room, holding out to her a + small necklace. "You needn't mind taking them from an old + fellow like me. It don't mean that I want to marry you + off-hand before I know what sort of a temper you've got. Take + them." + </p> + <p> + Hester drew near, and looked at the necklace. + </p> + <p> + "Take it," said the major again. + </p> + <p> + "How strangely beautiful it is!—all red, pear-shaped, + dull, scratched-looking stones, hanging from a savage-looking + gold chain! What are they, Mr. Marvel?" + </p> + <p> + "You have described it like a book!" he said. "It is a + barbarous native necklace—but they are fine + rubies—only rough—neither cut nor polished." + </p> + <p> + "It is beautiful," repeated Hester. "Did you really mean it + for me?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course I did!" + </p> + <p> + "I will ask mamma if I may keep it." + </p> + <p> + "Where's the good of that? I hope you don't think I stole it? + Though faith there's a good deal that's like stealing goes on + where that comes from!—But here comes the + mother!—Helen, I'm so glad to see you once more!" + </p> + <p> + Hester slipped away with the necklace in her hand, and left + her mother to welcome her old admirer before she would + trouble her about the offered gift. They met like trusting + friends whom years had done nothing to separate, and while + they were yet talking of bygone times, Mr. Raymount entered, + received him cordially, and insisted on his remaining with + them as long as he could; they were old friends, although + rivals, and there never had been any ground for bitterness + between them. The major agreed; Mr. Raymount sent to the + station for his luggage, and showed him to a room. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch28"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXVIII. + </h2> + <h3> + THE MAJOR AND VAVASOR. + </h3> + <p> + As major Marvel, for all the rebuffs he had met with, had not + yet learned to entertain the smallest doubt as to his + personal acceptability, so he was on his part most catholic + in his receptivity. But there were persons whom from the + first glance he disliked, and then his dislike was little + short of loathing. I suspect they were such as found the heel + of his all but invulnerable vanity and wounded it. Not + accustomed to be hurt, it resented hurt when it came the more + sorely. He was in one sense, and that not a slight one, a + true man: there was no discrepancy, no unfittingness between + his mental conditions and the clothing in which those + conditions presented themselves to others. His words, looks, + manners, tones, and everything that goes to express man to + man, expressed him. What he felt that he showed. I almost + think he was unaware of the possibility of doing otherwise. + At the same time, he had very little insight into the + feelings of others, and almost no sense of the possibility + that the things he was saying might affect his listeners + otherwise than they affected him. If he boasted, he meant to + boast, and would scorn to look as if he did not know it was a + good thing he was telling of himself: why not of himself as + well as of another? He had no very ready sympathy with other + people, especially in any suffering he had never himself + experienced, but he was scrupulously fair in what he said or + did in regard of them, and nothing was so ready to make him + angry as any appearance of injustice or show of deception. He + would have said that a man's first business was to take care + of himself, as so many think who have not the courage to say + it; and so many more who do not think it. But the Major's + conduct went far to cast contempt upon his selfish opinion. + </p> + <p> + During dinner he took the greater part of the conversation + upon himself, and evidently expected to be listened to. But + that was nearly all he wanted. Let him talk, and hear you + laugh when he was funny, and he was satisfied. He seemed to + have no inordinate desire for admiration or even for + approbation. He was fond of telling tales of adventure, some + wonderful, some absurd, some having nothing in them but his + own presence, and occasionally, while the detail was good the + point for the sake of which it had been introduced would be + missing; but he was just as willing to tell one, the joke of + which turned against himself, as one amusing at the expense + of another. Like many of his day who had spent their freshest + years in India, he was full of the amusements and sports with + which so much otherwise idle time is passed by Englishmen in + the East, and seemed to think nothing connected with the + habits of their countrymen there could fail to interest those + at home. Every now and then throughout the dinner he would + say, "Oh, that reminds me!" and then he would tell something + that happened when he was at such and such a place, when + So-and-So "of our regiment" was out tiger-shooting, or + pig-sticking, or whatever the sport might be; "and if Mr. + Raymount will take a glass of wine with me, I will tell him + the story"—for he was constantly drinking wine, after + the old fashion, with this or that one of the company. + </p> + <p> + When he and Vavasor were introduced to each other, he glanced + at him, drew his eyebrows together, made his military bow, + and included him among the listeners to his tales of exploit + and adventure by sea and land. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor was annoyed at his presence—not that he much + minded a little boring in such good company, or forgot that + everything against another man was so much in his own favor; + but he could not help thinking, "What would my aunt say to + such a relative?" So while he retained the blandest + expression, and was ready to drink as many glasses of wine + with the new comer as he wished, he set him down in his own + mind not only as an ill-bred man and a boaster, in which + there was some truth, but as a liar and a vulgar-minded man + as well, in which there was little or no truth. + </p> + <p> + Now although major Marvel had not much ordinary insight into + character, the defect arose mainly from his not feeling a + deep enough interest in his neighbor; and if his suspicion or + dislike was roused in respect of one, he was just as likely + as any other ever is to arrive at a correct judgment + concerning a man he does not love. + </p> + <p> + He had been relating a thrilling adventure with a man-eating + tiger. He saw, as they listened, the eyes of little Mark and + Saffy had almost surpassed the use of eyes and become ears as + well. He saw Hester also, who was still child enough to + prefer a story of adventure to a love-tale fixed as if, but + for the way it was bound over to sobriety, her hair would + have stood on end. But at one moment he caught + also—surprised indeed a certain expression on the face + of Vavasor, which that experienced man of the world never + certainly intended to be so surprised, only at the moment he + was annoyed to see the absorption of Hester's listening; she + seemed to have eyes for no one but the man who shot tigers as + Vavasor would have shot grouse. + </p> + <p> + The major, who upon fitting occasion and good cause, was + quarrelsome as any turkey-cock, swallowed something that was + neither good, nor good for food, and said, but not quite so + carelessly as he had intended: + </p> + <p> + "Ha, ha, I see by your eyes, Mr. Passover, you think I'm + drawing the long bow—drawing the arrow to the head, + eh?" + </p> + <p> + "No, 'pon my word!" said Vavasor earnestly, "nothing farther + from my thoughts. I was only admiring the coolness of the man + who would actually creep into the mouth of + the—the—the jungle after + a—what-you-call-him—a man-eating tiger." + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see, what was a fellow to do," returned the major + suspiciously. "The fellow wouldn't come out! and by Jove I + wasn't the only fellow that wanted him out! Besides I didn't + creep in; I only looked in to see whether he was really + there. That I could tell by the shining eyes of him." + </p> + <p> + "But is not a man-eating tiger a something tremendous, you + know? When he once takes to that kind of diet, don't you + know—they say he likes nothing else half so well! Good + beef and mutton will no longer serve his turn, I've been told + at the club. A man must be a very Munchausen to venture it." + </p> + <p> + "I don't know the gentleman—never heard of him," said + the major: for Vavasor had pronounced the name + German-fashion, and none of the listeners recognized that of + the king of liars; "but you are quite mistaken in the + character of the man-eating tiger. It is true he does not + care for other food after once getting a passion for the more + delicate; but it does not follow that the indulgence + increases either his courage or his fierceness. The fact is + it ruins his moral nature. He does not get many Englishmen to + eat; and it would seem as if the flesh of women and children + and poor cowardly natives, he devours, took its revenge upon + him by undermining and destroying his natural courage. The + fact is, he is well-known for a sneak. I sometimes can't help + thinking the ruffian knows he is a rebel against the law of + his Maker, and a traitor to his natural master. The + man-eating tiger and the rogue-elephant are the devils of + their kind. The others leave you alone except you attack + them; then they show fight. These attack you—but + run—at least the tiger, not the elephant, when you go + out after him. From the top of your elephant you may catch + sight of him sneaking off with his tail tucked between his + legs from cover to cover of the jungle, while they are + beating up his quarters to drive him out. You can never get + any sport out of him. <i>He</i> will never fly at your + elephant, or climb a tree, or take to the water after you! If + there's a creature on earth I hate it's a coward!" concluded + the major. + </p> + <p> + Said Vavasor to himself, "The man is a coward!" + </p> + <p> + "But <i>why</i> should you hate a coward so?" asked Hester, + feeling at the moment, with the vision of a man-eating tiger + before her, that she must herself come under the category. + "How can a poor creature made without courage help being one? + You can neither learn nor buy courage!" + </p> + <p> + "I am not so sure about the learning. But such as you mean, I + wouldn't call cowards," returned the major. "Nobody thinks + worse of the hare, or even the fox, for going away before the + hounds. Men whose business it is to fight go away before the + enemy when they have not a chance, and when it would do no + good to stand and be cut down. To let yourself be killed when + you ought not is to give up fighting. There is a time to run + and a time to stand. But the man will run like a man and the + coward like a coward." + </p> + <p> + Said Vavasor to himself, "I'll be bound you know when to run + at least!" + </p> + <p> + "What can harmless creatures do but run," resumed the major, + filling his glass with old port. "But when the wretch that + has done all the hurt he could will not show fight for it, + but turns tail the moment danger appears, I call him a + contemptible coward. Man or beast I would set my foot on him. + That's what made me go into the hole to look after the + brute." + </p> + <p> + "But he might have killed you, though he was a coward," said + Hester, "when you did not leave him room to run." + </p> + <p> + "Of course he might, my dear! Where else would be the fun of + it? Without that the thing would be no better than this + shooting of pigeons and pheasants by men who would drop their + guns if a cock were to fly in their faces. You <i>had</i> to + kill him, you know! He's first cousin—the man-eating, + or rather woman-eating tiger, to a sort that I understand + abounds in the Zoölogical Gardens called English + society; if the woman be poor, he devours her at once; if she + be rich he marries her, and eats her slowly up at his ease in + his den." + </p> + <p> + "How with the black wife!" thought Mr. Raymount, who had been + little more than listening. + </p> + <p> + But Mr. Raymount did not really know anything about that part + of his old friend's history; it was hardly to his discredit. + The black wife, as he called her, was the daughter of an + English merchant by a Hindoo wife, a young creature when he + first made her acquaintance, unaware of her own power, and + kept almost in slavery by the relatives of her deceased + father, who had left her all his property. Major Marvel made + her acquaintance and became interested in her through a + devilish attempt to lay the death of her father to her door. + I believe the shine of her gold had actually blinded her + relatives into imagining, I can hardly say <i>believing</i> + her guilty. The major had taken her part and been of the + greatest service to her. She was entirely acquitted. But + although nobody believed her in the smallest degree guilty, + <i>society</i> looked askance upon her. True, she was rich, + but was she not black? and had she not been accused of a + crime? And who saw her father and mother married? Then said + the major to himself—"Here am I a useless old fellow, + living for nobody but myself! It would make one life at least + happier if I took the poor thing home with me. She's rather + too old, and I'm rather too young to adopt her; but I daresay + she would marry me. She has a trifle I believe that would eke + out my pay, and help us to live decently!" He did not know + then that she had more than a very moderate income, but it + turned out to be a very large fortune indeed when he came to + inquire into things. That the major rejoiced over his + fortune, I do not doubt; but that he would have been other + than an honorable husband had he found she had nothing, I + entirely disbelieve. When she left him the widowed father of + a little girl, he mourned sincerely for her. When the child + followed her mother, he was for some time a sad man indeed. + Then, as if her money was all he had left of her, and he must + lead what was left of his life in its company, he went + heartily into speculation with it, and at least doubled the + fortune she brought him. He had now returned to his country + to find almost every one of his old friends dead, or so + changed as to make them all but dead to him. Little as any + one would have imagined it from his conversation or manner, + it was with a kind of heart-despair that he sought the cousin + he had loved. And scarcely had he more than seen the daughter + of his old love than, in the absence of almost all other + personal interest, he was immediately taken possession of by + her—saw at once that she was a grand sort of creature, + gracious as grand, and different from anything he had even + seen before. At the same time he unconsciously began to claim + a property in her; to have loved the mother seemed to give + him a right in the daughter, and that right there might be a + way of making good. But all this was as yet only in the + region of the feeling, not at all in that of the thinking. + </p> + <p> + In proportion as he was taken with the daughter of the house, + he disliked the look of the fine gentleman visitor that + seemed to be dangling after her. Who he was, or in what + capacity there, he did not know, but almost from the first + sight profoundly disliked him, and the more as he saw more + sign of his admiration of Hester. He might be a woman-eater, + and after her money—if she had any: such suspects must + be watched and followed, and their haunts marked. + </p> + <p> + "But," said Hester, fearing the conversation might here take + a dangerous turn, "I should like to understand the thing a + little better. I am not willing to set myself down as a + coward; I do not see that a woman has any right to be a + coward any more than a man. Tell me, major Marvel—when + you know that a beast may have you down, and begin eating you + any moment, what is it that keeps you up? What have you to + fall back upon? Is it principle, or faith, or what is it?" + </p> + <p> + "Ho, ho!" said the Major, laughing, "a meta-physician in the + very bosom of my family!—I had not reckoned upon + that!—Well, no, my dear, I cannot exactly say that it + is principle, and I am sure it is not faith. You don't think + about it at all. It's partly your elephant, and partly your + rifle—and partly perhaps—well, there I daresay + comes in something of principle!—that as an Englishman + you are sent to that benighted quarter of the world to kill + their big vermin for them, poor things! But no, you don't + think of that at the time. You've got to kill + him—that's it. And then when he comes roaring on, your + rifle jumps to your shoulder of itself." + </p> + <p> + "Do you make up your mind beforehand that if the animal + should kill you, it is all right?" asked Hester. + </p> + <p> + "By no means, I give you my word of honor," answered the + major, laughing. + </p> + <p> + "Well now," answered Hester, "except I had made up my mind + that if I was killed it was all right, I couldn't meet the + tiger." + </p> + <p> + "But you see, my dear," said the major, "you do not know what + it is to have confidence in your eye and your rifle. It is a + form of power that you soon come to feel as resting in + yourself—a power to destroy the thing that opposes + you!" + </p> + <p> + Hester fell a-thinking, and the talk went on without her. She + never heard the end of the story, but was roused by the + laughter that followed it. + </p> + <p> + "It was no tiger at all—that was the joke of the + thing," said the major. "There was a roar of laughter when + the brute—a great lumbering floundering hyena, rushed + into the daylight. But the barrel of my rifle was bitten + together as a schoolboy does a pen—a quill-pen, I mean. + They have horribly powerful jaws, those hyenas." + </p> + <p> + "And what became of the man-eater?" asked Mark, with a + disappointed look. + </p> + <p> + "Stopped in the hole till it was safe to come out and go on + with his delicate meals." + </p> + <p> + "Just imagine that horrible growl behind you, as if it came + out of a whole mine of teeth inside!" + </p> + <p> + "By George! for a young lady," said the major, "you have an + imagination! Too much of that, you know, won't go to make you + a good hunter of tigers!" + </p> + <p> + "Then you owe your coolness to want of imagination?" + suggested Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps so. Perhaps, after all," returned the major, with a + merry twinkle in his eye, "we hunters are but a set of stupid + fellows—too stupid to be reasonably frightened!" + </p> + <p> + "I don't mean that exactly. I think that perhaps you do not + know so well as you might where your courage comes from. For + my part I would rather be courageous to help the good than to + destroy the bad." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, but we're not all good enough ourselves for that," said + the major, with a serious expression, and looking at her full + out of his clear eyes, from which their habitual twinkle of + fun had for the moment vanished. "Some of us are only fit to + destroy what is yet worse than ourselves." + </p> + <p> + "To be sure we can't <i>make</i> anything," said Hester + thoughtfully, "but we can help God to make. To destroy evil + things is good, but the worst things can only be destroyed by + being good, and that is so hard!" + </p> + <p> + "It <i>is</i> hard," said the major—"so hard that most + people never try it!" he added with a sigh, and a gulp of his + wine. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Raymount rose, and with Hester and the children + withdrew. After they were gone the major rattled on again, + his host putting in a word now and then, and Vavasor sat + silent, with an expression that seemed to say, "I am amused, + but I don't eat all that is put on my plate." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch29"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXIX. + </h2> + <h3> + A BRAVE ACT. + </h3> + <p> + The major had indeed taken a strong fancy to Hester, and + during the whole of his visit kept as near her as he could, + much to the annoyance of Vavasor. Doubtless it was in part to + keep the other from her that he himself sought her: the major + did not take to Vavasor. There was a natural repulsion + between them. Vavasor thought the major a most objectionable, + indeed low fellow, full of brag and vulgarity, and the major + thought Vavasor a supercilious idiot. It is curious how + differently a man's character will be read by two people in + the same company, but it is not hard to explain, seeing his + carriage to the individual affects only the man who is the + object of it, and is seldom observed by the other; like a + man, and you will judge him with more or less fairness; + dislike him, fairly or unfairly, and you cannot fail to judge + him unjustly. All deference and humility towards Hester and + her parents, Vavasor without ceasing for a moment to be + conventionally polite, allowed major Marvel to see + unmistakably that his society was not welcome to the man who + sat opposite him. Entirely ignorant each of the other's + pursuits, and nearly incapable of sympathy upon any point, + each would have gladly shown the other to be the fool he + counted him. Only the major, being the truer man, was able to + judge the man of the world with a better gauge than he could + apply in return. Each watched the other—the major + annoyed with the other's silent pretension, and disgusted + with his ignorance of everything in which he took an + interest, and Vavasor regarding the major as a narrow-minded + overgrown school-boy—though, in fact, his horizon was + very much wider than his own—and disgusted with the + vulgarity which made even those who knew his worth a little + anxious every time he opened his mouth. He did not offend + very often, but one never knew when he might not. The offence + never hurt, only rendered the sensitive, and others for their + sakes, uncomfortable. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast the next day, they all but Mr. Raymount went + out for a little walk together. + </p> + <p> + It seemed destined to be a morning of small adventures. As + they passed the gate of the Home Farm, out rushed, all of a + sudden, a half-grown pig right between the well-parted legs + of the major, with the awkward consequence that he was thrown + backwards, and fell into a place which, if he had had any + choice, he certainly would not have chosen for the purpose. A + look of keen gratification rose in Vavasor's face, but was + immediately remanded; he was much too well-bred to allow it + to remain. With stony countenance he proceeded to offer + assistance to the fallen hero, who, however, heavy as he was, + did not require it, but got cleverly on his feet again with a + cheerfulness which discomfited discomfiture, and showed + either a sweetness or a command of temper which gave him a + great lift in the estimation of Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Confound the brute!" he said, laughing. "He can't know how + many of his wild relatives I have stuck, else I should set it + down to revenge. What a mess he has made of me! I shall have + to throw myself in the river, like a Hindoo, for + purification. It's a good thing I've got some more clothes in + my portmanteau." + </p> + <p> + Saffy laughed right merrily over his fall and the fun he made + of it; but Mark looked concerned. He ran and pulled some + grass and proceeded to rub the Major down. + </p> + <p> + "Let us go into the farmhouse," said Mrs. Raymount. "Mrs. + Stokes will give us some assistance." + </p> + <p> + "No, no," returned the major. "Better let the mud dry, it + will come off much better then. A hyena once served me the + same. I didn't mind that, though all the fellows cracked + their waistbands laughing at me. Why shouldn't piggy have his + fun as well as another—eh, Mark? Come along. You + sha'n't have your walk spoiled by my heedllessness." + </p> + <p> + "The pig didn't mean it, sir," said Mark. "He only wanted to + get out." + </p> + <p> + But there seemed to be more creatures about the place that + wanted to get out. A spirit of liberty was abroad. Mark and + Saffy went rushing away like wild rabbits every now and then, + making a round and returning, children once more. It was one + of those cooler of warm mornings that rouse all the life in + heart, brain and nerves, making every breath a pleasure, and + every movement a consciousness. + </p> + <p> + They had not gone much farther, when, just as they approached + the paling of a paddock, a horse which had been turned in to + graze, came blundering over the fence, and would presently + have been ranging the world. Unaccustomed to horses, except + when equipped and held ready by the hand of a groom, the + ladies and children started and drew back. Vavasor also + stepped a little aside, making way for the animal to follow + his own will. But as he lighted from his jump, carrying with + him the top bar of the fence, he stumbled, and almost fell, + and while yet a little bewildered, the major went up to him, + and ere he could recover such wits as by nature belonged to + him, had him by nose and ear, and leading him to the gap, + made him jump in again, and replaced the bar he had knocked + away. + </p> + <p> + "Mind we don't forget to mention it as we go back," he said + to Mark. + </p> + <p> + "Thank you! How brave of you, major Marvel!" said Mrs. + Raymount. + </p> + <p> + The Major laughed with his usual merriment. + </p> + <p> + "If it had been the horse of the Rajah of Rumtool," he said, + "I should have been brave indeed only by this time there + would have been nothing left of me to thank. A man would have + needed courage to take him by the head! But a quiet + good-tempered carriage-horse—none but a cockney would + be frightened at him!" + </p> + <p> + With that he began and to the awful delight of the children, + told them the most amazing and indeed horrible tales about + the said horse. Whether it was all true or not I cannot tell; + all I can say is that the major only told what he had heard + and believed, or had himself seen. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor, annoyed at the involuntary and natural enough + nervousness he had shown, for it was nothing more, turned his + annoyance on the Major, who by such an insignificant display + of coolness, had gained so great an advantage over him in the + eyes of the ladies, and made up his opinion that in every + word he said about the horse of the Rajah of Rumtool he was + romancing—and that although there had been no slightest + pretence to personal prowess in the narrative. Our judgment + is always too much at the mercy of our likes and dislikes. He + did indeed mention himself, but only to say that once in the + street of a village he saw the horse at some distance with a + child in his teeth shaking him like a terrier with a rat. He + ran, he said, but was too far off. Ere he was half-way, the + horse's groom, who was the only man with any power over the + brute, had come up and secured him—though too late to + save the child. + </p> + <p> + They were following the course of the river, and had + gradually descended from the higher grounds to the immediate + banks, which here spread out into a small meadow on each + side. There were not now many flowers, but Saffy was pulling + stalks of feathery-headed grasses, while Mark was walking + quietly along by the brink of the stream, stopping every now + and then to look into it. The bank was covered with long + grass hanging over, here and there a bush of rushes amongst + it, and in parts was a little undermined. On the opposite + side lower down was a meal-mill, and nearly opposite, a + little below, was the head of the mill-lade, whose weir, + turning the water into it, clammed back the river, and made + it deeper here than in any other part—some seven feet + at least, and that close to the shore. It was still as a + lake, and looked, as deep as it was. The spot was not a great + way from the house, but beyond its grounds. The two ladies + and two gentlemen were walking along the meadow, some + distance behind the children, and a little way from the bank, + when they were startled by a scream of agony from Saffy. She + was running towards them-shrieking, and no Mark was to be + seen. All started at speed to meet her, but presently Mrs. + Raymount sank on the grass. Hester would have stayed with + her, but she motioned her on. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor outran the major, and reached Saffy first, but to his + anxious questions—"Where is he? Where did you leave + him? Where did you see him last?" she answered only by + shrieking with every particle of available breath. When the + major came up, he heard enough to know that he must use his + wits and lose no time in trying to draw information from a + creature whom terror had made for the moment insane. He kept + close to the bank, looking for some sign of the spot where he + had fallen in. + </p> + <p> + He had indeed overrun the place, and was still intent on the + bank when he heard a cry behind him. It was the voice of + Hester, screaming "Across; Across!" + </p> + <p> + He looked across, and saw half-way over, slowly drifting + towards the mill-lade, a something dark, now appearing for a + little above the water, now sinking out of sight. The major's + eye, experienced in every point of contact between man and + nature, saw at once it must be the body, dead or + alive—only he could hardly be dead yet—of poor + Mark. He threw off his coat, and plunged in, found the water + deep enough for good swimming, and made in the direction of + the object he had seen. But it showed so little and so + seldom, that fearing to miss it, he changed his plan, and + made straight for the mouth of the mill-lade, anxious of all + things to prevent him from getting down to the water-wheel. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime, Hester, followed by Vavasor, while Saffy ran + to her mother, sped along the bank till she came to the weir, + over which hardly any water was running. When Vavasor saw her + turn sharp round and make for the weir, he would have + prevented her, and laid his hand on her arm; but she turned + on him with eyes that flashed, and lips which, + notwithstanding her speed, were white as with the wrath that + has no breath for words. He drew back and dared only follow. + The footing was uncertain, with deep water on one side up to + a level with the stones, and a steep descent to more deep + water on the other. In one or two spots the water ran over, + and those spots were slippery. But, rendered absolutely + fearless by her terrible fear, Hester flew across without a + slip, leaving Vavasor some little way behind, for he was + neither very sure-footed nor very sure-headed. + </p> + <p> + But when they had run along the weir and landed, they were + only on the slip between the lade and the river: the lade was + between them and the other side—deep water therefore + between them and the major, where already he was trying to + heave the unconscious form of Mark on to the bank. The poor + man had not swum so far for many years, and was nearly spent. + </p> + <p> + "Bring him here," cried Vavasor. "The stream is too strong + for me to get to you. It will bring you in a moment." + </p> + <p> + The major muttered an oath, gave a great heave, got the body + half on the shore, and was then just able to scramble out + himself. + </p> + <p> + When Vavasor looked round, he saw Hester had left him, and + was already almost at the mill. There she crossed the lade + and turning ran up the other side, and was soon at the spot + where the major was doing all he could to bring back life. + But there was little hope out there in the cold. Hester + caught the child up in her arms. + </p> + <p> + "Come; come!" she cried, and ran with him back to the mill. + The major followed, running, panting, dripping. When they met + Vavasor, he would have taken him from her, but she would not + give him up. + </p> + <p> + "Go back to my mother," she said. "Tell her we have got him, + and he is at the mill. Then go and tell my father, and ask + him to send for the doctor." + </p> + <p> + Vavasor obeyed, feeling again a little small. But Hester had + never thought that he might have acted at all differently; + she never recalled even that he had tried to prevent her from + crossing to the major's help. She thought only of Mark and + her mother. + </p> + <p> + In a few minutes they had him in the miller's blankets, with + hot water about him, while the major, who knew well what + ought to be done, for he had been tried in almost every + emergency under the sun, went through the various movements + of the arms prescribed; inflated the chest again and again + with his own breath, and did all he could to bring back the + action of the breathing muscles. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor took upon him to assure Mrs. Raymount that Mark was + safe and would be all right in a little while. She rose then, + and with what help Saffy could give her, managed to walk + home. But after that day she never was so well again. Vavasor + ran on to the house. Mr. Raymount crossed the river by the + bridge, and was soon on the spot—just as the first + signs of returning animation appeared. His strength and + coolness were a great comfort both to Hester and the major. + The latter was the more anxious that he knew the danger of + such a shock to a delicate child. After about half-an-hour, + the boy opened his eyes, looked at his father, smiled in his + own heavenly way, and closed them again with a deep sigh. + They covered him up warm, and left him to sleep till the + doctor should appear. + </p> + <p> + That same night, as Hester was sitting beside him, she heard + him talking in his sleep: + </p> + <p> + "When may I go and play with the rest by the river? Oh, how + sweetly it talks! it runs all through me and through me! It + was such a nice way, God, of fetching me home! I rode home on + a water-horse!" + </p> + <p> + He thought he was dead; that God had sent for him home; that + he was now safe, only tired. It sent a pang to the heart of + Hester. What if after all he was going to leave them! For the + child had always seemed fitter for. Home than being thus + abroad, and any day he might be sent for! + </p> + <p> + He recovered by degrees, but seemed very sleepy and tired; + and when, two days after, he was taken home he only begged to + go to bed. But he never fretted or complained, received every + attention with a smile, and told his mother not to mind, for + he was not going away yet. He had been told that under the + water, he said. + </p> + <p> + Before winter, he was able to go about the house, and was + reading all his favourite books over again, especially the + Pilgrim's Progress, which he had already read through five + times. + </p> + <p> + The major left Yrndale the next morning, saying now there was + Mark to attend to, his room was better than his company. + Vavasor would stay a day or two longer, he said, much + relieved. He could not go until he saw Mark fairly started on + the way of recovery. + </p> + <p> + But in reality the major went because he could no longer + endure the sight of "that idiot," as he called Vavasor, and + with design against him fermenting in his heart. + </p> + <p> + "The poltroon!" he said. "A fellow like that to marry a girl + like cousin Helen's girl! A grand creature, by George! The + grandest creature I ever saw in my life! Why, rather than wet + his clothes the sneak would have let us both drown after I + had got him to the bank! Calling to me to go to him, when I + had done my best, and was at the last gasp!" + </p> + <p> + He was not fair to Vavasor; he never asked if he could swim. + But indeed Vavasor could swim, well enough, only he did not + see the necessity for it. He did not love his neighbor enough + to grasp the facts of the case. And after all he could and + did do without him! + </p> + <p> + The major hurried to London, assured he had but to inquire to + find out enough and more than enough to his discredit, of the + fellow. + </p> + <p> + He told them to tell Mark he was gone to fetch tiger-skins + and a little idol with diamond eyes, and a lot of queer + things that he had brought home; and he would tell him all + about them, and let him have any of them he liked to keep for + his own, as soon as he was well again. So he must make haste, + for the moth would get at them if they were long lying about + and not seen to. + </p> + <p> + He told Mr. Raymount that he had no end of business to look + after; but now he knew the way to Yrndale, he might be back + any day. As soon as Mark was well enough to be handed over to + a male nurse he would come directly. He told Mrs. Raymount + that he had got some pearls for her—he knew she was + fond of pearls—and was going to fetch them. + </p> + <p> + For Hester he made her promise to write to him at the Army + and Navy Club every day till Mark was well. And so he + departed, much blessed of all the family for saving the life + of their precious boy. + </p> + <p> + The major when he reached London hunted up some of his old + friends, and through them sent out inquiry concerning + Vavasor. He learned then some few things about + him—nothing very bad as things went where everything + was more or less bad, and nothing to his special credit. That + he was heir to an earldom he liked least of all, for he was + only the more likely to marry his beautiful cousin, and her + he thought a great deal too good for him—which was + truer than he knew. + </p> + <p> + Vavasor was relieved to find that Hester, while full of + gratitude to the major, had no unfavourable impression + concerning his own behaviour in the sad affair. As the days + went on, however, and when he expected enthusiasm to have + been toned down, he was annoyed to find that she was just as + little impressed with the objectionable character of the man + who by his unselfish decision, he called it his good luck, + had got the start of him in rendering the family service. To + himself he styled him "a beastly fellow, a lying braggart, a + disgustingly vulgar ill-bred rascal." He would have called + him an army-cad, only the word <i>cad</i> was not then + invented. If there were any more such relations likely to + turn up, the sooner he cut the connection the better! But + that Hester should not be shocked with him was almost more + than he could bear; that was shocking indeed! + </p> + <p> + He could not understand that as to the pure all things are + pure, so the common mind sees far more vulgarity in others + than the mind developed in genuine refinement. It + understands, therefore forgives, nor finds it hard. Hester + was able to look deeper than he, and she saw much that was + good and honourable in the man, however he might have the + bridle of his tongue too loose for safe riding in the crowded + paths of society. Vavasor took care, however, after hearing + the first words of defence which some remark of his brought + from Hester, not to go farther, and turned the thing he had + said aside. Where was the use of quarrelling about a man he + was never likely to set eyes on again? + </p> + <p> + A day or two before the natural end of his visit, as Mrs. + Raymount, Hester and he were sitting together in the + old-fashioned garden, the letters were brought them—one + for Vavasor, with a great black seal. He read it through, and + said quietly: + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry I must leave you to-morrow. Or is there not a + train to-night? But I dare say it does not matter, only I + ought to be present at the funeral of my uncle, Lord Gartley. + He died yesterday, from what I can make out. It is a tiresome + thing to succeed to a title with hardly property enough to + pay the servants!" + </p> + <p> + "Very tiresome," assented Mrs. Raymount; "but a title is not + like an illness. If you can live without, you can live with + one." + </p> + <p> + "True; very true! But society, you see. There's so much + expected of a man in my position! What do you think, Miss + Raymount?" he asked, turning towards her with a look that + seemed to say whatever she thought would always be law to + him. + </p> + <p> + "I think with mamma," replied Hester. "I do not see why a + mere name should have any power to alter one's mode of life. + Of course if the change brings new duties, they must be + attended to; but if the property be so small as you say, it + cannot want much looking after. To be sure there are the + people upon it, but they cannot be many. Why should you not + go on as you are?" + </p> + <p> + "I must go a good deal by what my aunt thinks best. She has a + sort of right, you see. All her life her one fixed idea, + knowing I was likely to succeed, has been the rehabilitation + of the earldom, and all her life she has been saving for + that." + </p> + <p> + "Then she is going to make you her heir?" said Hester, who, + having been asked her opinion, simply desired the grounds on + which to give it. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Hester!" said her mother. + </p> + <p> + "I am only too much delighted Miss Raymount should care to + ask me <i>any</i>thing," said Vavasor. "My aunt does mean to + make me her heir, I believe, but one must not depend upon + that, because, if I were to displease her, she might change + her mind any moment. But she has been like a mother to me, + and I do not think, for any small provocation such as I am + likely to give her, she would yield the dream of her life. + She is a kind-hearted woman, though a little peculiar; true + as steel where she takes a fancy. I wish you knew my aunt, + Mrs. Raymount." + </p> + <p> + "I should be much pleased to know her." + </p> + <p> + "She would be delighted with this lovely place of yours. It + is a perfect paradise. I feel its loveliness the more that I + am so soon to hear its gates close behind me. Happily there + is no flaming sword to mount guard against the expelled!" + </p> + <p> + "You must bring your aunt some time, Mr. Vavasor. We should + make her very welcome," said Mrs. Raymount. + </p> + <p> + "Unfortunately, with all her good qualities, my aunt, as I + have said, is a little peculiar. For one thing she shrinks + from making new acquaintances." + </p> + <p> + He should have said—any acquaintances out of her own + world. All others, so far as she was concerned, existed only + on the sufferance of remoteness. + </p> + <p> + But by this time Vavasor had resolved to make an attempt to + gain his aunt, and so Hester. He felt sure his aunt could not + fail to be taken with Hester if only she saw her in fit + surroundings: with her the frame was more than half the + picture. He was glad now that she had not consented to call + on the family in Addison Square: they would be of so much + more importance in her eyes in the setting of Yrndale. He had + himself also the advantage of being now of greater + importance, the title being no longer in prospect but in + possession: he was that Earl of Gartley for whom she had been + saving all the time he was merely the heir, who might die, or + be kept waiting twenty years for the succession. She must + either be of one mind with him now, or lose the cherished + purpose of so many years. If he stood out, seeming to prefer + poverty and the woman of his choice, she would be compelled + to give in. + </p> + <p> + That same evening he left them in high spirits, and without + any pretence of decent regret for the death of one whom he + had never seen, and who had for many years lived the life of + an invalid and a poor man—neither of much account in + his world. + </p> + <p> + He left behind him one child—a lovely but delicate + girl, of whom no one seemed to think in the change that had + arrived. + </p> + <p> + It would be untrue to say that Hester was not interested in + the news. They had been so much thrown together of late, and + in circumstances so favourable to intimacy, to the + manifestation of what of lovable was in him, and to the + revelation of how much her image possessed him, that she + could hardly have been a woman at all and not care for what + might befall him. Neither, although her life lay, and she + felt that it lay, in far other regions, was she so much more + than her mother absorbed in the best, as to be indifferent to + the pleasure of wearing a distinguished historical name, or + of occupying an exalted position in the eyes of the world. + Her nature was not yet so thoroughly possessed with the + things that <i>are</i> as distinguished from the things that + only appear, as not to feel some pleasure in being a countess + of this world, while waiting the inheritance of the saints in + light. Of course this was just as far unworthy of her as it + is unworthy of any one who has seen the hid treasure not to + have sold all that he has to buy it—not to have + counted, with Paul, everything but dross to the winning of + Christ—not even worth being picked up on the way as he + presses towards the mark of the high calling; but I must say + this for her, that she thought of it first of all as a + buttressing help to the labours, which, come what might, it + remained her chief hope to follow again among her poor + friends in London. To be a countess would make many things + easier for her, she thought. Little she knew how immeasurably + more difficult it would make it to do anything whatever worth + doing!—that, at the very first, she would have to fight + for freedom—her own—with hidden crafts of + slavery, especially mighty in a region more than any other + under the influences of the prince of the power of the air! + She had the foolish notion that, thus uplifted among the + shows of rule, she would be able with more than mere personal + help to affect the load of injustice laid upon them from + without, and pressing them earthwards. She had learned but + not yet sufficiently learned that, until a man has begun to + throw off the weights that hold him down, it is a wrong done + him to attempt to lighten those weights. Why seek a better + situation for the man whose increase of wages will only go + into the pocket of the brewer or distiller? While the tree is + evil, its fruit will be evil. + </p> + <p> + So again the days passed quietly on. Mark grew a little + better. Hester wrote regularly, but the briefest bulletins, + to the major, seldom receiving an acknowledgment. The new + earl wrote that he had been to the funeral, and described in + a would-be humorous way the house and lands to which he had + fallen heir. The house might, he said, with unlimited money, + be made fit to live in, but what was left of the estate was + literally a mere savage mountain. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch30"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXX. + </h2> + <h3> + IN ANOTHER LIGHT. + </h3> + <p> + Mr. Raymount went now and then to London, but never stayed + long. In the autumn he had his books removed to Yrndale, + saying in London he could always get what books he wanted, + but must have his own about him in the country. When they + were accommodated and arranged to his mind, all on the same + floor, and partly in the same room with the old library of + the house, he began, for the first lime in his life, to feel + he had an abiding place and talked of selling the house in + Addison Square. It would have been greater progress to feel + that there is no abiding in place or among things. + </p> + <p> + In the month of October, when the forsaken spider-webs were + filled no more with flies, but in the morning now with the + dew-drops, now with hoarfrost, and the fine stimulus and + gentle challenge of the cold roused the vital spirit in every + fibre to meet it; when the sun shone a little sadly, and the + wraith of the coming winter might be felt hovering in the + air, major Marvel again made his appearance at Yrndale, but + not quite the man he was; he had a troubled manner, and an + expression on his face such as Mrs. Raymount had never before + seen there: it was the look of one who had an unpleasant duty + to discharge—a thing to do he would rather not do, but + which it would cost him far more to leave undone. He had + brought the things he promised, every one, and at sight of + them Mark had brightened up amazingly. At table he tried to + be merry as before, but failed rather conspicuously, drank + more wine than was his custom, and laid the blame on the + climate. His chamber was over that of his host and hostess, + and they heard him walking about for hours in the night. + There was something on his mind that would not let him sleep! + In the morning he appeared at the usual hour, but showed + plain marks of a sleepless night. When condoled with he + answered he must seek a warmer climate, for if it was like + this already, what would it be in January? + </p> + <p> + It was in reality a perfect autumn morning, of which every + one except the major felt the enlivening influence—the + morning of all mornings for a walk! Just as Hester was + leaving the room to get ready to go with Saffy—Mark was + not able for a long walk—the major rose, and overtaking + her in the anteroom, humbly whispered the request that she + would walk with him alone, as he much wished a private + conversation with her. Hester, though with a little surprise, + also a little undefined anxiety, at once consented, but ran + first to her mother. + </p> + <p> + "What can he want to talk to me about, mamma?" she concluded. + </p> + <p> + "How can I tell, my dear?" answered her mother with a smile. + "Perhaps he will dare the daughter's refusal too." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, mamma! how can you joke about such a thing!" + </p> + <p> + "I am not quite joking, my child. There is no knowing what + altogether unsuitable things men will do!—Who can blame + them when they see how women consent to many unsuitable + things!" + </p> + <p> + "But, mamma, he is old enough to be my father!" + </p> + <p> + "Of course he is! Poor man! it would be a hard fate to have + fallen in love with both mother and daughter in vain!" + </p> + <p> + "I won't go with him, mamma!" + </p> + <p> + "You had better go, my dear. You need not be much afraid. He + is really a gentleman, however easily mistaken for something + else. You must not forget how much we owe him for Mark!" + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean, mamma," said Hester, with a strange look out of + her eyes, "that I ought to marry him if he asks me?" Hester + was sometimes oddly stupid for a moment as to the intent of + those she knew best. + </p> + <p> + Her mother laughed heartily. + </p> + <p> + "What a goose you are, my darling! Don't you know your mother + from a miscreant yet?" + </p> + <p> + But in truth her mother so rarely jested that there was some + excuse for her. Relieved from the passing pang of a sudden + dread, Hester went without more words and put on her bonnet + to go with the cause of it. She did not like the things at + all, for no one could be certain what absurd thing he might + not do. + </p> + <p> + They set out together, but until they were some distance from + the house walked in absolute silence, which seemed to Hester + to bode no good. But how changed the poor man was, she + thought. It would be pitiful to have to make him still more + miserable! Steadily the major marched along, his stick under + his arm like a sword, and his eyes looking straight before + him. + </p> + <p> + "Cousin Hester," he said at length, "I am about to talk to + you very strangely—to conduct myself indeed in a very + peculiar manner. Can you imagine a man rendering himself + intensely, unpardonably disagreeable, from the very best of + motives?" + </p> + <p> + It was a speech very different from any to be expected of + him. That he should behave oddly seemed natural—not + that he should knowingly intend to do so! + </p> + <p> + "I think I could," answered Hester, wishing neither to lead + him on nor to deter him: whatever he had to say, the sooner + it was said the better! + </p> + <p> + "Tell me," he said suddenly after a pause just beginning to + be awkward—then paused again. "—Let me ask you + first," he resumed, "whether you are able to trust me a + little. I am old enough to be your father—let me say + your grandfather;—fancy I am your grandfather: in my + soul I believe neither could wish you well more truly than + myself. Tell me—trust me and tell me: what is there + between you and Mr. Vavasor?" + </p> + <p> + Hester was silent. The silence would have lasted but a moment + had Hester to ask herself, not what answer she should give to + his question, but what answer there was to give to it. + Whether bound, whether pleased to answer it or not, might + have come presently, but it did not; every question has its + answer, known or unknown: what was the answer to this one? + Before she knew it, the major resumed. + </p> + <p> + "I know," he said, "ladies think such things are not to be + talked about with gentlemen; but there are exceptions to + every rule: David ate the show-bread because there was a good + reason for breaking a good rule.—Are you engaged to Mr. + Vavasor?" + </p> + <p> + "No," answered Hester promptly. + </p> + <p> + "What is it then? Are you going to be?" + </p> + <p> + "If I answered that in the affirmative," said Hester, "would + it not be much the same as acknowledging myself already + engaged?" + </p> + <p> + "No! no!" cried the major vehemently. "So long as your word + is not passed you remain free. The two are as far asunder as + the pole from the equator. I thank God you are not engaged to + him!" + </p> + <p> + "But why?" asked Hester, with a pang of something like dread. + "Why should you be so anxious about it?" + </p> + <p> + "Has he never said he loved you?" asked the major eagerly. + </p> + <p> + "No," said Hester hurriedly. She felt instinctively it was + best to answer directly where there was no reason for + silence. What he might be wrong to ask she was not therefore + wrong to answer. But her <i>No</i> trembled a little, for the + doubt came with it, whether though literally, it was strictly + true. "We are friends," she added. "We trust each other a + good deal." + </p> + <p> + "Trust him with nothing, least of all your heart, my dear," + said the major earnestly. "Or if you must trust him, trust + him with anything, with everything, except that. He is not + worthy of you." + </p> + <p> + "Do you say so to flatter me or to disparage him?" + </p> + <p> + "Entirely to disparage him. I never flatter." + </p> + <p> + "You did not surely bring me out, major Marvel, to hear evil + of one of my best friends?" said Hester, now angry. + </p> + <p> + "I certainly did—if the truth be evil—but only + for your sake. The man I do not feel interest enough in to + abuse even. He is a nobody." + </p> + <p> + "That only proves you do not know him: you would not speak so + if you did," said Hester, widening the space between her and + the major, and ready to choke with what in utterance took + such gentle form. + </p> + <p> + "I am confident I should have worse to say if I knew him + better. It is you who do not know him. It astonishes me that + sensible people like your father and mother should let a + fellow like that come prowling after you!" + </p> + <p> + "Major Marvel, if you are going to abuse my father and mother + as well as lord Gartley,—" cried Hester, but he + interrupted her. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, there it is!" exclaimed he bitterly. "Lord + Gartley!—I have no business to interfere—no more + than your gardener or coachman! but to think of an angel like + you in the arms of a——" + </p> + <p> + "Major Marvel!" + </p> + <p> + —"I beg ten thousand pardons, cousin Hester! but I am + so damnably in earnest I can't pick and choose my phrases. + Believe me the man is not worthy of you." + </p> + <p> + "What have you got against him?—I do hate backbiting! + As his friend I ask you what you have against him." + </p> + <p> + "That's the pity of it! I can't tell you anything very bad of + him. But a man of whom no one has anything good to + say—one of whom never a warm word is uttered—" + </p> + <p> + "I have called him my friend!" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "That's the worst of it! If it were not for that he might go + to the devil for me!—I daresay you think it a fine + thing he should have stuck to business so long! + </p> + <p> + "He was put to that before there was much chance of his + succeeding; his aunt would not have him on her hands + consuming the money she meant for the earldom. His elder + brother would have had it, but he killed himself before it + fell due: there are things that must not be spoken of to + young ladies. I don't say your <i>friend</i> has disgraced + himself; he has not: by George, it takes a good deal for that + in his set! But not a soul out of his own family cares + two-pence for him." + </p> + <p> + "There are some who are better liked everywhere than at home, + and they're not the better sort," said Hester. "That goes for + less than nothing. I know the part of him chance + acquaintances cannot know. He does not bear his heart on his + sleeve. I assure you, major Marvel, he is a man of uncommon + gifts and—" + </p> + <p> + "Great attractions, no doubt—to me invisible," blurted + the major. + </p> + <p> + Hester turned from him. + </p> + <p> + "I am going home," she said. "—Luncheon is at the usual + hour." + </p> + <p> + "Just one word," cried he, hurrying after her. "I swear by + the living God I have no purpose or hope in interfering but + to save you from a miserable future. Promise me not to marry + this man, and I will settle on you a thousand a + year—safe. You shall have the principal down if you + prefer." + </p> + <p> + Hester walked the faster. + </p> + <p> + "Hear me," he went on, in an agony of entreaty mingled with + something like anger. + </p> + <p> + "I mean it," he continued. "Why should I not for Helen's + child!" + </p> + <p> + He was a yard or two behind her. She turned on him with a + glance of contempt. But the tears were in his eyes, and her + heart smote her. He had abused her friend, but was plainly + honest himself. Her countenance changed as she looked at him. + He came up to her. She laid her hand on his arm, and + said— + </p> + <p> + "Dear major Marvel, I will speak to you without anger. What + would you think of one who took money to do the thing she + ought to do? I will not ask you what you would think of one + who took money to do the thing she ought not to do! I would + not <i>promise</i> not to marry a beggar from the street. It + <i>might</i> be disgraceful to marry the beggar; it + <i>must</i> be disgraceful to promise not!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes, my dear! you are quite right—absolutely + right," said the major humbly. "I only wanted to make you + independent. You don't think half enough of + yourself.—But I will dare one more question before I + give you up; is he going to ask you to marry him?" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps. I do not know." + </p> + <p> + "One more question yet: can you secure any liberty? Will your + father settle anything upon you?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know. I have never thought about anything of the + kind." + </p> + <p> + "How could they let you go about with him so much and never + ask him what he meant by it?" + </p> + <p> + "They could easier have asked me what I meant by it!" + </p> + <p> + "If I had such a jewel I would look after it!" + </p> + <p> + "Have me shut up like an eastern lady, I suppose," said + Hester, laughing; "make my life miserable to make it safe. If + a woman has any sense, major Marvel, she can take care of + herself; if she has not, she must learn the need of it." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said the major sadly, "but the thousand pangs and aches + and heart-sickenings! I would sooner see my child on the + funeral pyre of a husband she loved, than living a merry life + with one she despised!" + </p> + <p> + Hester began to feel she had not been doing the major + justice. + </p> + <p> + "So would I!" she said heartily. "You mean me well, and I + shall not forget how kind you have been. Now let us go back." + </p> + <p> + "Just one thing more: if ever you think I can help you, you + <i>will</i> let me know?" + </p> + <p> + "That I promise with all my heart," she answered. + </p> + <p> + "I mean," she added, "if it be a thing I count it right to + trouble you about." + </p> + <p> + The major's face fell. + </p> + <p> + "I see!" he said; "you won't promise anything. Well, stick to + that, and <i>don't</i> promise." + </p> + <p> + "You wouldn't have me come to you for a new bonnet, would + you?" + </p> + <p> + "By George! shouldn't I be proud to fetch you the best in + Regent street by the next train!" + </p> + <p> + "Or saddle the pony for me?" + </p> + <p> + "Try me.—But I won't have any more chaff. I throw + myself on your generosity, and trust you to remember there is + an old man that loves you, and has more money than he knows + what to do with." + </p> + <p> + "I think," said Hester, "the day is sure to come when I shall + ask your help. In the meantime, if it be any pleasure to you + to know it, I trust you heartily. You are all wrong about + lord Gartley though. He is not what you think him." + </p> + <p> + She gave him her hand. The major took it in his own soft + small one—small enough almost for the hilt of an Indian + tulwar—and pressed it devoutly to his lips. She did not + draw it away, and he felt she trusted him. + </p> + <p> + Now that the hard duty was done, and if not much good yet no + harm had resulted, he went home a different man. A pang of + fear for Hester in the power of "that ape Gartley" would now + and then pass through him; but he had now a right to look + after her, and who can tell what might not turn up! + </p> + <p> + His host congratulated him on looking so much better for his + walk, and Hester recounted to her mother their strange + conversation. + </p> + <p> + "Only think, mamma!" she said; "he offered me a thousand a + year not to marry lord Gartley!" + </p> + <p> + "Hester!" + </p> + <p> + "He does not like the earl, and he does like me; so he wants + me not to marry him. That is all!" + </p> + <p> + "I thought I could have believed anything of him, but this + goes almost beyond belief!" + </p> + <p> + "Why should it, mamma? There is an odder thing still: instead + of hating him for it, I like him better than before." + </p> + <p> + "Are you sure he has no notion of making room for himself?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite sure. He would have it he was old enough to be my + grandfather. But you know he is not that!" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps you wouldn't mind if he were a little younger yet!" + said her mother merrily, "as he is too young to be your + grandfather." + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you had a presentiment I should like him, and left + him for me, mamma!" returned Hester in like vein. + </p> + <p> + "But seriously, Hester, is it not time we knew what lord + Gartley means?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, mamma! please don't talk like that!" + </p> + <p> + "It does sound disagreeable—vulgar, if you like, my + child; but I cannot help being anxious about you. If he does + not love you he has no right to court your company so much." + </p> + <p> + "I encourage it, mamma. I like him." + </p> + <p> + "That is what makes me afraid." + </p> + <p> + "It will be time enough to think about it if he comes again + now he has got the earldom." + </p> + <p> + "Should you like to be a countess, Hester?" + </p> + <p> + "I would rather not think about it, mother. It may never make + any difference whether I should like it or not. + </p> + <p> + "I can't help thinking it strange he should be so much with + you and never say a word!" + </p> + <p> + "Might you not just as well say it was strange of me to be so + much with him, or of you, mother dear, to let him come so + much to the house?" + </p> + <p> + "It was neither your part nor mine to say anything. Your + father even has always said he would scorn to ask a man his + <i>intentions</i>: either he was fit to be in his daughter's + company, or he was not. Either he must get rid of him, or + leave his daughter to manage her own affairs. He is quite + American in his way of looking at those matters." + </p> + <p> + "Don't you think he is right, mother? If I let lord Gartley + come, surely he is not to blame for coming! + </p> + <p> + "Only if you should have got fond of him, and it were to come + to nothing?" + </p> + <p> + "It can't come to nothing, mother, and neither of us will be + the worse for it, I trust. As to what I think about him, I + don't feel as if I quite knew; and I don't think at present I + need ask myself. I am afraid you think me very cool: and in + truth I don't quite understand myself; but perhaps if one + tries to do right as things come up, one may get on without + understanding oneself. I don't think, so far as I can make + out, St. Paul understood himself always. Miss Dasomma says a + great part of music is the agony of the musician after the + understanding of himself. I will try to do what is + right—you may be sure of that, mother." + </p> + <p> + "I am sure of that, my dear—quite sure; and I won't + trouble you more about it. You may imagine I should not like + to see my Hester a love-sick maiden, pining and wasting + away!" + </p> + <p> + "Depend upon It, mamma, if I found myself in that state no + one else should discover it," said Hester, partly in play, + but thoroughly in earnest. + </p> + <p> + "That only reveals how little you know about such things, my + love! You could no more hide it from the eyes of your mother + than you could a husband." + </p> + <p> + "Such things have been hid before now, mamma! And yet why + should a woman ever hide anything? I must think about that! + From one's own mother? No; when I am dying of love, you shall + know, mamma. But it won't be to-morrow or the next day." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch31"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXI. + </h2> + <h3> + THE MAJOR AND COUSIN HELEN'S BOYS. + </h3> + <p> + The major was in no haste to leave, but he spent most of his + time with Mark, and was in nobody's way. Mark was very happy + with the major. The nature of the man was so childlike that, + although he knew little of the deep things in which Mark was + at home, his presence was never an interruption to the + child's thoughts; and when the boy made a remark in the + upward direction, he would look so grave, and hold such a + peace that the child never missed the lacking words of + response. Who knows what the man may not have gained even + from silent communication with the child! + </p> + <p> + One day he was telling the boy how he had been out alone on a + desolate hill all night; how he heard the beasts roaring + round him, and not one of them came near him. "Did you see + <i>him</i>?" asked Mark. + </p> + <p> + "See who, sonny?" returned the major. + </p> + <p> + "The one between you and them," answered Mark in a subdued + tone; and from the tone the major understood. + </p> + <p> + "No," he answered; and taking into his the spirit of the + child, went on. "I don't think any one sees him now-a-days." + </p> + <p> + "Isn't it a pity?" said Mark. Then after a thoughtful pause, + he resumed: "Well, not see him just with your eyes, you know! + But old Jonathan at the cottage—he has got no + eyes—at least none to speak of, for they're no good to + see with—he always speaks of seeing the people he has + been talking with—and in a way he does see them, don't + you think? But I fancy sometimes I must have seen <i>him</i> + with my very eyes when I was young: and that's why I keep + always expecting to see him again—some day, you + know—some day. Don't you think I shall, Majie?" + </p> + <p> + "I hope so, indeed, Mark! It would be a bad job if we were + never to see him!" he added, suddenly struck with a feeling + he had never had before. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, indeed; that it would!" responded the child. "Why, + where would be the good of it all, you know! That's what we + came here for—ain't it? God calls children—I know + he calls some, for he said, 'Samuel! Samuel!' I wish he would + call me!" + </p> + <p> + "What would you say?" asked the major. + </p> + <p> + "I would say—' Here I am, God! What is it?' We musn't + keep God waiting, you know!" + </p> + <p> + The major felt, like Wordsworth with the leech-gatherer, that + the child was there to give him "apt admonishment." Could God + have ever called him and he not have listened? Of course it + was all a fancy! And yet as he looked at the child, and met + his simple believing eyes, he felt he had been a great + sinner, and the best things he had done were not fit to be + looked at. Happily there were no conventional religious + phrases in the mouth of the child to repel him; his father + and mother had a horror of pharisaic Christianity: I use the + word <i>pharisaic</i> in its true sense—as + <i>formal</i>, not as <i>hypocritical</i>. They had both seen + in their youth too many religious prigs to endure + temple-whitewash on their children. Except what they heard at + church, hardly a special religious phrase ever entered their + ears. Those of the New Testament were avoided from reverence, + lest they should grow common and fail of their purpose when + the children read them for themselves. "But if this succeeded + with Hester and Mark, how with Cornelius?" I answer, if to + that youth's education had been added the common <i>forms</i> + of a religious one, he would have been—not perhaps a + worse fellow, but a far more offensive one, and harder to + influence for good. Inclined to scoff, he would have had the + religious material for jest and ribaldry ready to his hand; + while if he had wanted to start as a hypocrite, it would have + been specially easy. The true teaching for children is + persons, history and doctrine in the old sense of the New + Testament—instruction in righteousness, that + is—not human theory about divine facts. + </p> + <p> + The major was still at Yrndale, when, in the gloomy month to + which for reasons he had shifted his holiday, Cornelius + arrived. The major could hardly accept him as one of the + family, so utterly inferior did he show. There was a kind of + mean beauty about his face and person and an evident varnish + on his manners which revolted him. "That lad will bring grief + on them!" he said to himself. He was more than usually polite + to the major: he was in the army, the goal of his aspiration! + but he laughed at what he called his vulgarity in private, + and delighted to annoy Hester with remarks upon her "ancient + adorer." Because he prized nothing of the kind, he could see + nothing of his essential worth, and took note merely of his + blunders, personal ways and oddities. The major was not + properly vulgar, only ill-bred: he had not had a sharp enough + mother, jealous for the good manners as well as good + behaviour of her boy. There are many ladylike + mothers—ladylike because their mothers were ladies and + taught them to behave like ladies, whose children do not turn + out ladies and gentlemen because they do not teach them as + they were taught themselves. Cornelius had been + taught—and had learned nothing but manners. He was + vulgar with a vulgarity that went miles deeper than that of + the major. The major would have been sorry to find he had + hurt the feelings of a dog; Cornelius would have whistled on + learning that he had hurt the feelings of a woman. If the + major was a clown, Cornelius was a cad. The one was capable + of genuine sympathy; the other not yet of any. The latter + loved his own paltry self, counting it the most precious + thing in creation; the former was conceited it is true, but + had no lofty opinion of himself. Hence it was that he thought + so much of his small successes. His boasting of them was + mainly an uneasy effort at establishing himself comfortably + in his own eyes and the eyes of friends. It was little more + than a dog's turning of himself round and round before he + lies down. He knew they were small things of which he boasted + but he had no other, and scorned to invent: his great things, + those in which he had shown himself a true and generous man, + he looked on as matters of course, nor recognized anything in + them worth thinking of. He was not a great man, but had + elements of greatness; he had no vision of truth, but obeyed + his moral instincts: when those should blossom into true + intents, as one day they must, he would be a great man. As + yet he was not safe. But how blessed a thing that God will + judge us and man shall not! Where we see no difference, he + sees ages of difference. The very thing that looks to us for + condemnation may to the eyes of God show in its heart ground + of excuse, yea, of partial justification. Only God's excuse + is, I suspect, seldom coincident with the excuse a man makes + for himself. If any one thinks that God will not search + closely into things, I say there could not be such a God. He + will see the uttermost farthing paid. His excuses are as just + as his condemnations. + </p> + <p> + In respect of Cornelius the major was more careful than usual + not to make himself disagreeable, for his feelings put him on + his guard: there are not a few who behave better to those + they do not like than to those they do. He thus flattered, + without intending it, the vanity of the youth, who did not + therefore spare his criticism behind his back. Hester usually + answered in his defence, but sometimes would not condescend + to justify him to such an accuser. One day she lost her + temper with her beam-eyed brother. "Cornelius, the major may + have his faults," she said, "but you are not the man to find + them out. He is ten times the gentleman you are. I say it + deliberately, and with all my soul!" As she began this + speech, the major entered the room, but she did not see him. + He asked Cornelius to go with him for a walk. Hoping he had + only just come in, but a little anxious, Cornelius agreed, + and as they walked behaved better than he had ever done + before—till he had persuaded himself that the major had + heard nothing, when he speedily relapsed into his former + manner—one of condescension and thin offence to nearly + every one about him. But all the time the major was studying + him, and saw into him deeper than his mother or + Hester—descried a certain furtive anxiety in the + youth's eyes when he was silent, an unrest as of trouble he + would not show. "The rascal has been doing something wrong," + he said to himself; "he is afraid of being found out! And + found out he is sure to be; he has not the brains to hide a + thing! It's not murder—he ain't got the pluck for that; + but it may be petty larceny!" + </p> + <p> + The weeks went on. Cornelius's month wore out, but he seemed + restless for it to be gone, making no response to the + lamentations of the children that Christmas was so near, and + their new home such a grand one for keeping it in, and Corney + not to be with them! He did not show them much kindness, but + a little went a great way with them, and they loved him. + </p> + <p> + "Mind you're well, before I come again, Markie," he said as + he took his leave; "you're not a pleasant sight moping about + the house!" The tears came in the child's eyes. He was not + moping—only weakly and even when looking a little sad, + was quite happy. + </p> + <p> + "I don't think I mope, Hessy—do I?" he said. "What does + Corney mean? I don't want to do what ain't nice. I want to be + pleasant!" + </p> + <p> + "Never mind, Markie dear," answered Hester; "it's only that + you are not very strong—not up to a game of romps as + you used to be. You will be merry again one day." + </p> + <p> + "I am merry enough," replied Mark; "only somehow the merry + goes all about inside me, and don't want to come + out—like the little bird, you know, that wouldn't go + out of its cage though I left the door open for it. I suppose + it felt just like me. I don't care if I never go out of the + house again." + </p> + <p> + He was indeed happy enough—more than happy when + <i>Majie</i> was there. They would be together most days all + day long. And the amount of stories Mark, with all his + contemplativeness could swallow, was amazing. That may be + good food which cannot give life. But the family-party was + soon to be broken up—not by subtraction, but by + addition. The presence of the major had done nothing to spoil + the homeness of home, but it was now for a time to be set + aside. + </p> + <p> + There is something wrong with anyone who, entering a house of + any kind, makes it less of a home. The angel-stranger makes + the children of a house more aware of their home; they + delight in showing it to him, for he takes interest in all + that belongs to the family-life—the only blessed life + in heaven or upon earth, and sees the things as the children + see them. But the stranger of this world makes the very home + by his presence feel out of doors. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch32"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXII. + </h2> + <h3> + A DISTINGUISHED GUEST. + </h3> + <p> + A letter came from lord Gartley, begging Mrs. Raymount to + excuse the liberty he took, and allow him to ask whether he + might presume upon her wish, casually expressed, to welcome + his aunt to the hospitality of Yrndale. London was empty, + therefore her engagements, although Parliament was sitting, + were few, and he believed if Mrs. Raymount would take the + trouble to invite her, she might be persuaded to avail + herself of the courtesy. "I am well aware," he wrote, "of the + seeming rudeness of this suggestion, but you, dear Mrs. + Raymount, can read between lines, and understand that it is + no presumptuous desire to boast my friends to my relatives + that makes me venture what to other eyes than yours might + well seem an arrogance. If you have not room for us, or if + our presence would spoil your Christmas party, do not + hesitate to put us off, I beg. I shall understand you, and + say nothing to my rather peculiar but most worthy aunt, + waiting a more convenient season." The desired invitation was + immediately dispatched,—with some wry faces on the part + of the head of the house who, however, would not oppose what + his wife wished. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding his knowledge of men, that is, of fundamental + human nature, Mr. Raymount was not good at reading a man who + made himself agreeable, and did not tread on the toes of any + of his theories—of which, though mostly good, he made + too much, as every man of theory does. I would not have him + supposed a man of theory only: such a man is hardly man at + all; but while he thought of the practice, he too sparingly + practiced the thought. He laid too much upon words + altogether; especially words in print, attributing more power + to them for the regeneration of the world than was + reasonable. If he had known how few cared a pin's point for + those in which he poured out his mind, just flavored a little + with his heart, he would have lost hope altogether. If he had + known how his arguments were sometimes used against the very + principles he used them for, it would have enraged him. + Perhaps the knowledge of how few of those who admired his + words acted upon them, would have made him think how little + he struggled himself to do the things which by persuasion and + argument he drove home upon the consciences of others. He had + not yet believed that to do right is more to do for the + regeneration of the world than any quality or amount of + teaching can do. "<i>The Press</i>" no doubt has a great + power for good, but every man possesses, involved in the very + fact of his consciousness, a greater power than any verbal + utterance of truth whatever. It is righteousness—not of + words, not of theories, but in being, that is, in vital + action, which alone is the prince of the power of the spirit. + Where that is, everything has its perfect work; where that is + not, the man is not a power—is but a walker in a vain + show. + </p> + <p> + He did not see through or even into Gartley who was by no + means a profound or intentional hypocrite. But he never + started on a new relation with any suspicions. Men of the + world called him too good, therefore a fool. It was not + however any over-exalted idea of human nature that led him + astray in his judgment of the individual; it was merely that + he was too much occupied with what he counted his + work—with his theories first, then his writing of them, + then the endless defending of them, to care to see beyond the + focus of his short-sighted eyes. Vavasor was a gentlemanly + fellow, and that went a long way with him. He did not oppose + him, and that went another long way: of all things he could + not bear to be opposed in what he so plainly saw to be true, + nor could think why every other honest man should not at once + also see it true. He forgot that the difficulty is not so + much in recognizing the truth of a proposition, as in + recognizing what the proposition is. In the higher regions of + thought the recognition of what a proposition is, and the + recognition of its truth are more than homologous—they + are the same thing. + </p> + <p> + The ruin of a man's teaching comes of his followers, such as + having never touched the foundation he has laid, build upon + it wood, hay, and stubble, fit only to be burnt. Therefore, + if only to avoid his worst foes, his admirers, a man should + avoid system. The more correct a system the worse will it be + misunderstood; its professed admirers will take both its + errors and their misconceptions of its truths, and hold them + forth as its essence. Mr. Raymount, then, was not the man to + take that care of his daughter which people of the world + think necessary. But, on the whole, even with the poor + education they have, women, if let alone, would take better + care of themselves, than father or brother will for them. I + say <i>on the whole</i>; there may well be some exceptions. + The only thing making men more fit to take care of women than + the women themselves, is their greater opportunity of knowing + the character of men concerned—which knowledge, alas! + they generally use against those they claim to protect, + concealing facts from the woman to whom they ought to be + conveyed; sometimes indeed having already deluded her with + the persuasion that is of no consequence in the man which is + essential in herself. + </p> + <p> + The day before Christmas-eve the expected visitors + arrived—just in time to dress for dinner. + </p> + <p> + The family was assembled in the large old drawing-room of + dingy white and tarnished gold when Miss Vavasor entered. She + was tall and handsome and had been handsomer, for she was not + of those who, growing within, grow more beautiful without as + they grow older. She was dressed in the plainest, handsomest + fashion—in black velvet, fitting well her fine figure, + and half covered with point lace of a very thick + texture—Venetian probably. The only stones she wore + were diamonds. Her features were regular; her complexion was + sallow, but not too sallow for the sunset of beauty; her eyes + were rather large, and of a clear gray; her expression was + very still, self-contained and self-dependent, without being + self-satisfied; her hair was more than half gray, but very + plentiful. Altogether she was one with an evident claim to + distinction, never asserted because always yielded. To the + merest glance she showed herself well born, well nurtured, + well trained, and well kept, hence well preserved. At an age + when a poor woman must have been old and wrinkled, and half + undressed for the tomb, she was enough to make any company + look distinguished by her mere presence. Her manner was as + simple as her dress—without a trace of the vulgarity of + condescension or the least more stiffness than was becoming + with persons towards whose acquaintance, the rather that she + was their guest, it was but decent to advance gently, while + it was also prudent to protect her line of retreat, lest it + should prove desirable to draw back. She spoke with the + utmost readiness and simplicity, looked with interest at + Hester but without curiosity, had the sweetest smile at hand + for use as often as wanted—a modest smile which gleamed + but a moment and was gone. There was nothing in her behaviour + to indicate a consciousness of error from her sphere. The + world had given her the appearance of much of which Christ + gives the reality. For the world very oddly prizes the form + whose informing reality it despises. + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley was in fine humour. He had not before appeared + to so great advantage. Vavasor had never put off his company + manner with Hester's family, but Gartley was almost merry, + quite graciously familiar—as if set on bringing out the + best points of his friends, and preventing his aunt's + greatness from making them abashed, or their own too much + modesty from showing a lack of breeding. But how shall I + describe his face when major Marvel entered! he had not even + feared his presence. A blank dismay, such as could seldom + have been visible there, a strange mingling of annoyance, + contempt, and fear, clouded it with an inharmonious + expression, which made him look much like a discomfited + commoner. In a moment he had overcome the unworthy sensation, + and was again impassive and seemingly cool. The major did not + choose to see him at first, but was presented to Miss Vavasor + by their hostess as her cousin. He appeared a little awed by + the fine woman, and comported himself with the dignity which + awe gives, behaving like any gentleman used to society. + Seated next her at dinner, he did not once allude to + pig-sticking or tiger-shooting, to elephants or niggers, or + even to his regiment or India, but talked about the last + opera and the last play, with some good criticisms on the + acting he had last seen, conducting himself in such manner as + would have made lord Gartley quite grateful to him, had he + not put it down to the imperial presence of his high-born + aunt, cowering his inferior nature. But while indeed the + major was naturally checked by a self-sufficing feminine + presence, the cause that mainly operated to his suppression + was of another kind and from an opposite source. + </p> + <p> + He had been strongly tempted all that day to a very different + behaviour. Remembering what he had heard of the character of + the lady, and of the relation between her and her nephew, he + knew at once, when told she was coming, that lord Gartley was + bringing her down with the hope of gaining her consent to his + asking Hester to marry him. "The rascal knows," said the + major to himself, "that nothing human could stand out against + her! There is only her inferior position to urge from any + point of view!" And therewith arose his temptation: might he + not so comport himself before the aunt as to disgust her with + the family, and save his lovely cousin from being sacrificed + to a heartless noodle? To the extent of his means he would do + what money could to console her! It was at least better than + the empty title! He recalled the ways of his youth, + remembered with what delightful success he had annoyed aunts + and cousins and lady friends, chuckled to think that some of + them had for months passed him without even looking at him: + </p> + <p> + "I'll settle the young ape's hash for him!" he said to + himself. "It only wants a little free-and-easyness with my + lady to do the deed. It can cost me nothing except her good + opinion, which I can afford. But I'll lay you anything to + nothing, if she knew the weight of my four quarters, she + would have me herself after all! I don't quite think myself a + lady-killer: by George, my—hum!—<i>entourage</i> + is against that, but where money is money can! Only I don't + want her, and my money is for her betters! What damned jolly + fun it will be to send her out of the house in a + rage!—and a good deed done too!—By George, I'll + do it! See if I don't!" + </p> + <p> + He might possibly have found it not quite so easy to shock + Miss Vavasor as some of his late country cousins. + </p> + <p> + In this resolution he had begun to dress, but before he had + finished had begun to have his doubts. Would it not be + dishonorable? Would it not bring such indignation upon him + that even Mark would turn away? Hester would never except so + much as a postage-stamp from him if he brought disgrace on + her family, and drove away her suitor! Besides, he might + fail! They might come to an understanding and leave him out + in the cold! By the time he was dressed he had resolved to + leave the fancy alone, and behave like a gentleman. But now + with every sip of wine the temptation came stronger and + stronger. The spirit of fun kept stirring in him. Not merely + for the sake of Hester, but for the joke of the thing, he was + tempted, and had to keep fighting the impulse till the + struggle was almost more than he could endure. And just from + this came the subdued character of his demeanour! What had + threatened to destroy his manners for the evening turned out + the corrective of his usual behaviour: as an escape from the + strife within him, he tried to make himself agreeable. Miss + Vavasor being good natured, was soon interested and by and by + pleased with him. This reacted; he began to feel pleased with + her, and was more at his ease. Therewith came the danger not + unforeseen of some at the table: he began to tell one of his + stories. But he saw Hester look anxious; and that was enough + to put him on his careful honour. Ere dinner was over he said + to himself that if only the nephew were half as good a fellow + as the aunt, he would have been happy to give the young + people his blessing and a handsome present. + </p> + <p> + "By Jove!" said lord Gartley, "the scoundrel is not such a + low fellow after all! I think I will try to forgive him!" Now + and then he would listen across the table to their talk, and + everything the major said that pleased his aunt pleased him + amazingly. At one little witticism of hers in answer to one + of the major's he burst into such a hearty laugh that his + aunt looked up. + </p> + <p> + "You are amused, Gartley!" she said. + </p> + <p> + "You are so clever, aunt!" he returned. + </p> + <p> + "Major Marvel has all the merit of my wit," she answered. + This gave the <i>coup de gráce</i> to the major's + temptation to do evil that good might come, and sacrifice + himself that Hester might not be sacrificed. + </p> + <p> + After dinner, they sat down to whist, of which Miss Vavasor + was very fond. When however she found they did not play for + money, though she praised the asceticism of the manner, she + plainly took little interest in the game. The major + therefore, who had no scruples either of conscience or of + pocket in the matter, suggested that his lordship and Hester + should take their places, and proposed cribbage to her, for + what points she pleased. To this she acceded at once. The + major was the best player in his regiment, but Miss Vavasor + had much the better of it, and regretted she had not set the + points higher. All her life she had had money in the one eye + and the poor earldom in the other. The major laid down his + halfcrowns so cheerfully, with such a look of satisfaction + even, that she came quite to like the man, and to hope he + would be there for some time, and prove as fond of cribbage + as she was. The fear of lord Gartley as to the malign + influence of the major vanished entirely. + </p> + <p> + And now that he was more at his ease, and saw that his aunt + was at least far from displeased with Hester, lord Gartley + began to radiate his fascinations. All his finer nature + appeared. He grew playful, even teasing; gave again and again + a quick repartee; and sang as his aunt had never heard him + sing before. But when Hester sang, the thing was done, and + the aunt won: she perceived at once what a sensation such a + singer would make in her heavenly circle! She had, to be + sure, a little <i>too</i> much expression, and sang well + enough for a professional, which was too well for a lady with + no object in her singing except to please. But in manner and + style, to mention neither beauty nor accomplishments, she + would be a decided gain to the family, possessing even in + herself a not inconsiderable counterpoise to the title. Then + who could tell but this cousin—who seemed to have + plenty of money, he parted with it so easily—might be + moved by like noble feelings with her own to make a poor + countess a rich one. The thing, I say, was settled, so far as + the chief family-worshipper was concerned. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch33"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXIII. + </h2> + <h3> + COURTSHIP IN EARNEST. + </h3> + <p> + I do not care to dwell upon what followed. Christmas was a + merry day to all but the major, who did not like the + engagement any better than before. He found refuge and + consolation with Mark. The boy was merry in a mild, reflected + way, because the rest were merry, but preferred his own room + with "dear Majie," to the drawing-room with the grand lady. + He would steal from it, assured that in a moment the major + would be after him, to keep him company, and tell him such + stories! + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley now began to make love with full intent and + purpose. "How could she listen to him!" says this and that + reader? I can but echo the exclamation, "How could she!" To + explain the thing is more than I am bound to undertake. As I + may have said twenty times before, how this woman will have + this man is one of the deeper mysteries of the + world—yea, of the maker of the world, perhaps. One + thing I may fairly suggest—that where men see no reason + why a woman should love this or that man, she may see + something in him which they do not see, or do not value as + she does. Alas for her if she only imagines it! Another thing + we may be sure of—that in few cases does the woman see + what the men know: much of that which is manifest to the eyes + of the male world, is by the male world scrupulously hidden + from the female. One thing more I would touch upon which men + are more likely never to have thought of than to have + forgotten: that the love which a beautiful woman gives a man, + is in itself not an atom more precious than that which a + plain woman gives. In the two hearts they are the same, if + the hearts be like; if not, the advantage may well be with + the plain woman. The love of a beautiful woman is no more + thrown away than the love of the plainest. The same holds + with regard to women of differing intellectual developments + or endowment. But when a woman of high hopes and aims—a + woman filled with eternal aspirations after life, and unity + with her divine original gives herself to such a one as lord + Gartley, I cannot help thinking she must have seriously + mistaken some things both in him and in herself, the + consequence, probably, of some self-sufficiency, ambition, or + other fault in her, which requires the correction of + suffering. + </p> + <p> + Hester found her lover now very pleasant. If sometimes he + struck a jarring chord, she was always able to find some way + of accounting for it, or explaining it away—if not + entirely to her satisfaction, yet so far that she was able to + go on hoping everything, and for the present to put off any + further consideration of the particular phenomenon to the + time when, like most self-deceiving women, she + <i>scarcely</i> doubted she would have greater influence over + him—namely, the time when, man and wife, they would be + one flesh. But where there is not already a far deeper unity + than marriage can give, marriage itself can do little to + bring two souls together—may do much to drive them + asunder. + </p> + <p> + She began to put him in training, as she thought, for the + help he was to give her with her loved poor. "What a silly!" + exclaims a common-minded girl-reader. "That was not the way + to land her fish!" But let those who are content to have + fishy husbands, net or hook and land them as they can; a + woman has more in herself than any husband can give her, + though he may take much from her. Lord Gartley had no real + conception of her outlook on life, and regarded all her + endeavor as born of the desire to perfect his voice and + singing. With such teaching he must, he imagined, soon become + her worthy equal. He had no notion of the sort of thing + genius is. Few have. They think of it as something supreme in + itself, whereas it is altogether dependent on truth in the + inward parts. It may last for a time separated from truth, + but it dies its life, not lives it. Its utterance depends on + enthusiasm; all enthusiasm depends on love and nobility of + purpose; and love and nobility depend upon truth—that + is, live truth. Not millions of years, without an utter + regeneration of nature, could make such a man as Gartley sing + like Hester. His faculties were in the power of decay, + therefore of the things that pass; Hester was of the powers + that give life, and keep things going and growing. She sang + because of the song that was in her soul. Her music came out + of her being, not out of her brain and her throat. If such a + one as Gartley can sing, there is no reason why he should be + kept singing. In all the arts the man who does not reach to + higher things falls away from the things he has. The love of + money will ruin poet, painter, or musician. + </p> + <p> + For Hester the days now passed in pleasure. I fear the closer + contact with lord Gartley, different he was in her thought + from what he was in his own best, influenced at least the + <i>rate</i> of her growth towards the upper regions. We + cannot be heart and soul and self in the company of the + evil—and the untrue is the evil, however beheld as an + angel of light in the mirage of our loving eyes, without sad + loss. Her prayers were not so fervent, her aspirations not so + strong. I see again the curl on the lip of a certain kind of + girl-reader! Her judgment here is but foolishness. She is + much too low in the creation yet, be she as high-born and + beautiful as a heathen goddess, to understand the things of + which I am writing. But she has got to understand + them—they are not mine—and the understanding may + come in dread pain, and dire dismay. Hester was one of those + who in their chambers are not alone, but with him who seeth + in secret; and not to get so near to God in her chamber—I + can but speak in human figure—did not argue + well for the new relationship. But the Lord is mindful of his + own. He does not forget because we forget. Horror and pain + may come, but not because he forgets—nay, just because + he does not forget. That is a thing God never does. + </p> + <p> + There are many women who would have bewitched Gartley more, + yet great was his delight in the presence and converse of + Hester, and he yielded himself with pleasing grace. Inclined + to rebel at times when wearied with her demands on his + attention and endeavour, he yet condescended to them with + something of the playfulness with which one would humour a + child: he would have a sweet revenge by and by! His turn + would come soon, and he would have to instruct her in many + things she was now ignorant of! She had never moved in his + great world: he must teach her its laws, instruct her how to + shine, how to make the most of herself, how to do honour to + his choice! He had but the vaguest idea of the <i>folly</i> + that possessed her. He thought of her relation to the poor + but as a passing—indeed a past phase of a hitherto + objectless life. Anything beyond a little easy benevolence + would be impossible to the wife of lord Gartley! That she + should contemplate the pursuit of her former objects with + even greater freedom and devotion than before, would have + seemed to him a thing utterly incredible. And Hester would + have been equally staggered to find he had so failed to + understand her after the way she had opened her heart to him. + To imagine that for anything she would forsake the work she + had been sent to do! So things went on <i>upon a mutual + misunderstanding</i>—to make a bull for my + purpose—each in the common meaning of the word getting + more and more in love with the other every day, while in + reality they were separating farther and farther, in as much + as each one was revelling in thoughts that were alien to the + other. An occasional blasting doubt would cross the mind of + Hester, but she banished it like an evil spectre. + </p> + <p> + Miss Vavasor continued the most pleasant and unexacting of + guests. Her perfect breeding, sustained by a quiet temper and + kindly disposition, was easily, by simple hearts, taken for + the sweetness it only simulated. To people like Miss Vavasor + does the thought never occur—what if the thing they + find it so necessary to simulate should actually in itself be + indispensable? What if their necessity of simulating it comes + of its absolute necessity! + </p> + <p> + She found the company of the major agreeable in the slow time + she had for her nephew's sake to pass with such primitive + people, and was glad of what she might otherwise have counted + barely endurable. For Mr. Raymount, he would not leave what + he counted his work for any goddess in creation: Hester had + got her fixedness of purpose through him, and its direction + through her mother. But it was well he did not give Miss + Vavasor much of his company: if they had been alone together + for a quarter of an hour, they would have parted sworn foes, + hating each other almost as much as is possible without + having loved. So the major, instead of putting a stop to the + unworthy alliance, found himself actually furthering the + affair, doing his part with the lady on whom the success of + the enemy depended. He was still now and then tempted to + break through and have a hideous revenge; but, with no great + sense of personal dignity to restrain him, he was really a + man of honour and behaved like one, curbing himself with no + little severity. + </p> + <p> + So the time went on till after the twelfth night, when Miss + Vavasor took her leave for a round of visits, and lord + Gartley went up to town, with intention thereafter to pay a + visit to his property, such as it was. He would return to + Yrndale in three weeks or a month, when the final + arrangements for the marriage would be made. + </p> + <p> + A correspondence naturally commenced, and Hester, unwarned by + former experience, received his first letter joyfully. But, + the letter read, lo, there was the same disappointment as of + old! And as the first letter, so the last and all between. In + Hester's presence, she suggesting and leading, he would utter + what seemed to indicate the presence of what she would have + in him; but alone in his room, without guide to his thoughts, + without the stimulus of her presence or the sense of her + moral atmosphere, the best things he could write were poor + enough; they had no bones in them, and no other fire than + that which the thought of Hester's loveliness could supply. + So his letters were not inspiriting. They absorbed her + atmosphere and after each followed a period of mental + asphyxy. Had they been those of a person indifferent to her, + she would have called them stupid, thrown them down, and + thought no more of them. As it was, I doubt if she read many + of them twice over. But all would be well, she said to + herself, when they met again. It was her absence that + oppressed him, poor fellow! He was out of spirits, and could + not write! He had not the faculty for writing that some had! + Her father had told her of men that were excellent talkers, + but set them down pen in hand and not a thought would come! + Was it not to his praise rather than blame? Was not the + presence of a man's own kind the best inspirer of his speech? + It was his loving human nature—she would have persuaded + herself, but never quite succeeded—that made utterance + in a letter impossible to him. Yet she <i>would</i> have + liked a little genuine, definite response to the things she + wrote! He seemed to have nothing to say from himself! He + would assent and echo, but any response was always such as to + make her doubt whether she had written plainly, invariably + suggesting things of this world and not of the unseen, the + world of thought and being. And when she mentioned work he + always replied as if she meant an undefined something called + <i>doing good</i>. He never doubted the failure of that + foolish concert of ladies and gentlemen given to the + riff-raff of London, had taught her that whether man be equal + in the sight of God or not, any attempt on the part of their + natural superiors to treat them as such could not but be + disastrous. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch34"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXIV. + </h2> + <h3> + CALAMITY. + </h3> + <p> + One afternoon the post brought side by side with a letter + from lord Gartley, one in a strange-looking cramped hand, + which Mrs. Raymount recognized. + </p> + <p> + "What can Sarah be writing about?" she said, a sudden + foreboding of evil crossing her mind. + </p> + <p> + "The water-rate perhaps," answered Hester, opening her own + letter as she withdrew to read it. For she did not like to + read Gartley's letters before her mother—not from + shyness, but from shame: she would have liked ill to have her + learn how poor her Gartley's utterances were upon paper. But + ere she was six slow steps away, she turned at a cry from her + mother. + </p> + <p> + "Good heavens, what can it be? Something has happened to + him!" said Mrs. Raymount. + </p> + <p> + Her face was white almost as the paper she held. Hester put + her arms round her. + </p> + <p> + "Mother! mother! what is it?" she cried. "Anything about + Corney?" + </p> + <p> + "I thought something would come to stop it all. We were too + happy!" she moaned, and began to tremble. + </p> + <p> + "Come to papa, mamma dear," said Hester, frightened, but + quiet. She stood as if fixed to the ground. Mr. Raymount's + letters had been carried to him in the study, and one of them + had put him into like perturbation. He was pacing up and down + the room almost as white as his wife, but his pallor was that + of rage. + </p> + <p> + "The scoundrel!" he groaned, and seizing a chair hurled it + against the wall. "I had the suspicion he was a mean dog! Now + all the world will know it—and that he is my son! What + have I done—what has my wife done, that we should give + being to a vile hound like this? What is there in her or in + me—?" + </p> + <p> + There he paused, for he remembered: far back in the family + some five generations or so, one had been hanged for forgery. + </p> + <p> + He threw himself in a chair, and wept with rage and shame. He + had for years been writing of family and social duties; here + was his illustration! His books were his words; here was his + deed! How should he ever show himself again! He would leave + the country! Damn the property! The rascal should never + succeed to it! Mark should have it—if he lived! But he + hoped he would die! He would like to poison them all, and go + with them out of the disgrace—all but the dog that had + brought it on them! Hester marry an earl! Not if the truth + would prevent it! Her engagement must at once be broken! Lord + Gartley marry the sister of a thief! + </p> + <p> + While he was thus raging a knock came to the door, and a maid + entered. + </p> + <p> + "Please, sir," she said, "Miss Raymount says will you come to + mis'ess: she's taken bad!" + </p> + <p> + This brought him to himself. The horrible fate was hers too! + He must go to her. How could she have heard the vile news? + She must have heard it! what else could make her ill! He + followed the maid to the lawn. It was a cold morning of + January sunshine. There stood his wife in his daughter's + arms, trembling from head to foot, and apparently without + power of motion! He asked no question, took her in his arms, + bore her to her room, laid her on the bed, and sat down + beside her, hardly caring if she died, for the sooner they + were all dead the better! She lay like one dead, and do what + she could Hester was unable to bring her to herself. But by + and by the doctor came. + </p> + <p> + She had caught up the letter and as her father sat there, she + handed it to him. The substance and manner of it were these: + </p> + <p> + "Dear mistress, it is time to let you know of the goings on + here. I never held with bearing of tales against my + fellow-servants, and perhaps it's worse to bring tales + against Master Cornelius, as is your own flesh and blood, but + what am I to do as was left in charge, and to keep the house + respectable? He's not been home this three nights; and you + ought to know as there is a young lady, his cousin from New + Zealand, as is come to the house a three or four times since + you went away, and stayed a long time with him, though it is + some time now that I ain't seen her. She is a pretty, + modest-looking young lady; though I must say I was + ill-pleased when Mr. Cornelius would have her stay all night; + and I up and told him if she was his cousin it wasn't as if + she was his sister, and it wouldn't do, and I would walk out + of the house if he insisted on me making up a bed for her. + Then he laughed in my face, and told me I was an old fool, + and he was only making game of me. But that was after he done + his best to persuade me, and I wouldn't be persuaded. I told + him if neither he nor the young lady had a character to keep, + I had one to lose, and I wouldn't. But I don't think he said + anything to her about staying all night; for she come down + the stair as innocent-like as any dove, and bid me good night + smiling, and they walked away together. And I wouldn't by no + means have took upon me to be a spy, nor I wouldn't have + mentioned the thing, for it's none of my business so long as + nobody doesn't abuse the house as is my charge; but he ain't + been home for three nights, and there is the feelings of a + mother! and it's my part to let her know as her son ain't + slept in his own bed for three nights, and that's a fact. So + no more at present, and I hope dear mis'ess it won't kill you + to hear on it. O why did his father leave him alone in + London, with none but an old woman like me, as he always did + look down upon, to look after him! Your humble servant for + twenty years to command, S. H." + </p> + <hr> + <p> + Mrs. Raymount had not read the half of this. It was enough to + learn he had not been home for three nights. How is it? + Parents with no reasonable ground for believing their + children good, nay with considerable ground for believing + them worse than many, are yet seized as by the awfully + incredible when they hear they are going wrong. Helen + Raymount concluded her boy had turned into bad ways because + left in London, although she knew he had never taken to good + ways while they were all with him. If he had never gone right + why should she wonder he had gone wrong? + </p> + <p> + The doctor was sitting by the bedside, watching the effect of + something he had given her. Mr. Raymount rose and led Hester + from the room—sternly almost, as if she had been to + blame for it all. + </p> + <p> + Some people when they are angry, speak as if they were angry + with the person to whom they are in fact looking for comfort. + When in trouble few of us are masters enough of ourselves, + because few of us are children enough of our Father in + heaven, to behave like gentlemen—after the fashion of + "the first stock father of gentleness." But Hester understood + her mother and did not resent. + </p> + <p> + "Is this all your mother knows, Hester?" said her father, + pointing to the letter in his hand. She told him her mother + had read but the first sentence or two. + </p> + <p> + He was silent—returned to the bedside, and stood + silent. The life of his dearest had been suddenly withered at + the root, like the gourd of Jonah, and had she not learned + nearly the worst! + </p> + <p> + His letter was from his wife's brother, in whose bank + Cornelius was a clerk. A considerable deficit had been + discovered in his accounts. He had not been to the bank for + two days before, and no trace of him was to be found. His + uncle, from regard to the feelings of his sister, had not + allowed the thing to transpire, but had requested the head of + his office to be silent: he would wait his brother-in-law's + reply before taking any steps. He feared the misguided youth + had reckoned on the forbearance of an uncle; but for the sake + of his own future, if for no other reason, the thing could + not be passed over! + </p> + <p> + "Passed over!" Had Gerald Raymount been a Roman with the + power of life and death over his children, he would in his + present mood have put his son to death with his own hands. + But for his wife's illness he would have been already on the + way to London to repay the missing money; for his son's sake + he would not cross his threshold! So at least he said to + himself. + </p> + <p> + But something must be done. He must send some one! Who was + there to send? There was Hester! With her uncle she was a + favourite! nor would she dread the interview, which, as the + heat of his rage yielded to a cold despair, he felt would be + to him an unendurable humiliation. For he had had many + arguments, not always quite friendly, with this same + brother-in-law concerning the way he brought up his children: + they had all turned out well, and here was his miserable son + a felon, disgracing both families! Yes; let Hester go! There + were things a woman could do better than a man! Hester was no + child now, but a capable woman! While she was gone he could + be making up his mind what to do with the wretched boy! + </p> + <p> + He led Hester again from her mother's room to his, and gave + her her uncle's letter to read. Tell her its contents he + could not. He watched her as she read—watched his own + heart as it were in her bosom—saw her grow pale, then + flush, then turn pale again. At length her face settled into + a look of determination. She laid the letter on the table, + and rose with a steady troubled light in her eyes. What she + was thinking of he could not tell, but he made at once the + proposal. + </p> + <p> + "Hester," he said, "I cannot leave your mother; you must go + for me to your uncle and do the best you can. If it were not + for your mother I would have the rascal prosecuted; but it + would break her heart." + </p> + <p> + Hester wasted no words of reply: She had often heard him say + there ought to be no interference with public justice for + private ends. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, papa," she answered. "I shall be ready in a moment. If + I ride Hotspur I shall catch the evening train." + </p> + <p> + "There is time to take the brougham." + </p> + <p> + "Am I to say anything to Corney, papa?" she asked, her voice + trembling over the name. + </p> + <p> + "You have nothing to do with him," he answered sternly. + "Where is the good of keeping a villain from being as much of + a villain as he has got it in him to be? I will sign you a + blank cheque, which your uncle can fill up with the amount he + has stolen. Come for it as soon as you are ready." + </p> + <p> + Hester thought as she went whether, if it had not been for + the possibility of repentance, the world would ever have been + made at all. + </p> + <p> + On her way to her room she met the major, looking for + herself, to tell him about her mother, of whose attack, as he + had been out for a long walk, he had but just heard. + </p> + <p> + "But what did it, Hester?" he said. "I can smell in the air + something has gone wrong: what the deuce is it? There's + always something getting out of gear in this best of worlds?" + </p> + <p> + She would have passed him with a word in her haste, but he + turned and walked with her. + </p> + <p> + "The individual, any individual, all the individuals," he + went on, "may come to smash, but the world is all right, + notwithstanding, and a good serviceable machine!—by + George, without a sound pinion in all the carcass of it, or + an engineer that cares there should be!" + </p> + <p> + They had met in a dark part of the corridor, and had now, at + a turn in it, come opposite a window. Then first the major + saw Hester's face: he had never seen her look like that! + </p> + <p> + "Is your mother in danger?" he asked, his tone changing to + the gentlest, for his heart was in reality a most tender one. + </p> + <p> + "She is very ill," answered Hester. "The doctor has been with + her now three hours. I am going up to London for papa. He + can't leave her." + </p> + <p> + "Going up to London—and by the night-train!" said the + major to himself. "Then there has been bad news! What can + they be? Money matters? No; cousin Helen is not the one to + send health after money! It's something worse than that! I + have it! That scoundrel Corney has been about some + mischief—damn him! I shouldn't be surprised to hear + anything bad of him! But what can you do, my dear?" he said + aloud. "It's not fit—" + </p> + <p> + He looked up. Hester was gone. + </p> + <p> + She put a few things together, drank a cup of tea brought to + her room, went to her father and received the cheque, and was + ready by the time the brougham came to the door with a pair + of horses. She would not look at her mother again lest she + might be sufficiently revived to wonder where she was going, + but hastened down, and saw no one on the way. One of the + servants was in the hall, and opened the carriage-door for + her. The moment it closed she was on her way through the + gathering dusk to the railway station. + </p> + <p> + While the lodge-gate was being opened, she thought she saw + some one get up on the box beside the coachman, and fancied + it must be a groom going with them. The drive was a long and + anxious one; it seemed to her all the time as if the horses + could not get on. In spots the road was slippery, and as the + horses were not roughed they had to go slowly, and parts were + very heavy. What might not be happening to Corney, she + thought, while she was on the way to his rescue! She kept + fancying one dreadful thing after another. It was like a + terrible dream, only with the assurance of reality in it. + </p> + <p> + The carriage stopped, the door opened, and there was the + major in a huge fur coat, holding out his hand to help her + down. It was as great a pleasure as surprise, and she showed + both. + </p> + <p> + "You didn't think I was going to let you travel alone?" he + said. "Who knows what wolf might be after my Red riding-hood! + I'll go in another carriage of course if you wish it; but in + this train I'm going to London." + </p> + <p> + Hester told him she was only too glad of his escort. Careful + not to seem in the least bent on the discovery of the cause + of her journey, he seated himself in the farthest corner, for + there was no one else in the carriage, and pretended to go to + sleep. And now first began Hester's private share in the + general misery of the family. In the presence of her + suffering father and mother, she put off looking into the + mist that kept gathering deeper and deeper, filled with forms + undefined, about herself. Now these forms began to reveal + themselves in shifting yet recognizable reality. If this + miserable affair should be successfully hushed up, there was + yet one must know it: she must immediately acquaint lord + Gartley with what had taken place! And therewith one of the + shapes in the mist settled into solidity: if the love between + them had been of an ideal character, would she have had a + moment's anxiety as to how her lover would receive the + painful news? But therewith her own mind was made up: if he + but hesitated, that would be enough! Nothing could make her + marry a man who had once hesitated whether to draw back or + not. It was impossible. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch35"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXV. + </h2> + <h3> + IN LONDON. + </h3> + <p> + It was much too early to do anything when they arrived. Nor + could Hester go to her uncle's house: it was in one of the + suburbs, and she would reach it before the household was + stirring. They went therefore to Addison square. When they + had roused Sarah, the major took his leave of Hester, + promising to be with her in a few hours, and betook himself + to his hotel. + </p> + <p> + As she would not be seen at the bank, with the risk of being + recognized as the sister of Cornelius and rousing + speculation, she begged the major when he came to be her + messenger to her uncle, and tell him that she had come from + her father, asking him where it would be convenient for him + to see her. The major undertook the commission at once, and + went without asking a question. + </p> + <p> + Early in the afternoon her uncle came, and behaved to her + very kindly. He was chiefly a man of business, and showing + neither by look nor tone that he had sympathy with the + trouble she and her parents were in, by his very reticence + revealed it. His manner was the colder that he was studiously + avoiding the least approximation to remark on the conduct or + character of the youth—an abstinence which, however, + had a chilling and hopeless effect upon the ardent mind of + the sister. At last, when she had given him her father's + cheque, with the request that he would himself fill it up + with the amount of which he had been robbed, and he with a + slight deprecatory smile and shrug had taken it, she ventured + to ask what he was going to do in regard to her brother. + </p> + <p> + "When I take this cheque," answered her uncle, "it indicates + that I treat the matter as a debt discharged, and leave him + entirely in your father's hands. He must do as he sees fit. I + am sorry for you all, and for you especially that you should + have had to take an active part in the business. I wish your + father could have come up himself. My poor sister!" + </p> + <p> + "I cannot be glad my father could not come," said Hester, + "but I am glad he did not come, for he is so angry with + Cornelius that I could almost believe he would have insisted + on your prosecuting him. You never saw such indignation as my + father's at any wrong done by one man to another—not to + say by one like Cornelius to one like you, uncle, who have + always been so kind to him! It is a terrible blow! He will + never get over it—never! never!" + </p> + <p> + She broke down, and wept bitterly—the more bitterly + that they were her first tears since learning the terrible + fact, for she was not one who readily found such relief. To + think of their family, of which she was too ready to feel + proud, being thus disgraced, with one for its future + representative who had not even the commonest honesty, and + who, but that his crime had been committed against an + indulgent relative, would assuredly, for the sake of the + business morals of his associates, if for no other reason, + have been prosecuted for felony, was hard to bear! But to one + of Hester's deep nature and loyalty to the truth, there were + considerations far more sad. How was ever such a child of the + darkness to come to love the light? How was one who cared so + little for righteousness, one who, in all probability, would + only excuse or even justify his crime—if indeed he + would trouble himself to do so much—how was one like + him to be brought to contrition and rectitude? There was a + hope, though a poor one, in the shame he must feel at the + disgrace he had brought upon himself. But alas! if the whole + thing was to be kept quiet, and the semblance allowed that he + had got tired of business and left it, how would even what + regenerating power might lie in shame be brought to bear upon + him? If not brought to <i>open</i> shame, he would hold his + head as high as ever—be arrogant under the protection + of the fact that the disgrace of his family would follow upon + the exposure of himself. When her uncle left her, she sat + motionless a long time, thinking much but hoping little. The + darkness gathered deeper and deeper around her. The ruin of + her own promised history seemed imminent upon that of her + family. What sun of earthly joy could ever break through such + clouds! There was indeed a sun that nothing could cloud, but + it seemed to shine far away. Some sorrows seem beyond the + reach of consolation, in as much as their causes seem beyond + setting right. They can at best, <i>as it seems</i>, only be + covered over. Forgetfulness alone seems capable of removing + their sting, and from that cure every noble mind turns away + as unworthy both of itself, and of its Father in heaven. But + the human heart has to go through much before it is able to + house even a suspicion of the superabounding riches of the + creating and saving God. The foolish child thinks there can + be nothing where he sees nothing; the human heart feels as if + where it cannot devise help, there is none possible to God; + as if God like the heart must be content to botch the thing + up, and make, as we say, the best of it. + </p> + <p> + But as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are his ways + higher than our ways, and his thoughts than our thoughts. + </p> + <p> + "But what <i>can</i> be done when—so and so?" says my + reader; for, whatever generalities I utter, his hurt seems + not the less unapproachable of any help. You think, I answer, + that you see all round your own sorrow; whereas much the + greater part of the very being you call yours, is as unknown + to you as the other side of the moon. It is as impossible you + should understand it therefore, its sorrow, as that you + should understand God, who alone understands you. Be + developed into the divine idea of you; for your grief's sake + let God have his way with you, and not only will all be well, + but you shall say, "It is well." + </p> + <p> + It was a sore and dreary time for Hester, alone in the room + where she had spent so many happy hours. She sat in a window, + looking out upon the leafless trees and the cold gloomy old + statue in the midst of them. Frost was upon every twig. A + thin sad fog filled the comfortless air. There might be warm + happy homes many, but such no more belonged to her world! The + fire was burning cheerfully behind her, but her eyes were + fixed on the dreary square. She was hardly + thinking—only letting thoughts and feelings come and + go. What a thing is life and being, when a soul has become + but the room in which ghosts hold their revel; when the man + is no longer master of himself, can no more say to this or + that thought, thou shall come, and thou shall go; but is a + slave to his own existence, can neither cease to be, nor + order his being—able only in fruitless rebellion to + entangle himself yet more in the net he has knotted around + him! Such is every one parted from the essential life, who + has not the Power by which he lives one with him, holding + pure and free and true the soul he sent forth from the depths + of his being. I repent me of the ignorance wherein I ever + said that God made man out of nothing: there is no nothing + out of which to make anything; God is all in all, and he made + us out of himself. He who is parted from God has no original + nothingness with which to take refuge. He is a live discord, + an anti-truth. He is a death fighting against life, and + doomed to endless vanity; an opposition to the very power by + whose strength yet in him he opposes; a world of + contradictions, not greedy after harmony, but greedy for lack + of harmony—his being an abyss of positive negation. Not + such was Hester, and although her thoughts now came and went + without her, they did not come and go without God; and a + truth from the depths of her own true being was on its way to + console her. + </p> + <p> + How would her lover receive the news?—that was the + agitating question; what would he thereupon do? + </p> + <p> + She could not at once write to acquaint him with the grief + and disgrace that had fallen upon them, for she did not know + where precisely he was: his movements were not fixed; and she + dreaded the falling of such a letter as she would have to + write into any hands except his own. + </p> + <p> + But another, and far stronger reason against writing to him, + made itself presently clear to her mind: if she wrote, she + could not know how he received her sad story; and if his mind + required making up, which was what she feared, he would have + time for it! This would not do! She must communicate the + dread defiling fact with her own lips! She must see how he + took it! Like Hamlet with the king at the play, "If he but + blench, I know my course!" she said. If he showed the + slightest change towards her, the least tendency to regard + his relation to her as an entanglement, to regret that he had + involved himself with the sister of a thief, marry her he + should not! That was settled as the earth's course! If he was + not to be her earthly refuge in this trouble as in any other, + she would none of him! If it should break her heart she would + none of him! But break her heart it would not! There were + worse evils than losing a lover! There was losing a true + man—and that he would not be if she lost him! The + behaviour of Cornelius had perhaps made her more capable of + doubt; possibly her righteous anger with him inclined her to + imagine grounds of anger with another; but probably this + feeling of uncertainty with regard to her lover had been + prepared for by things that had passed between them since + their engagement, but upon which regarding herself as his + wife, she had not allowed herself to dwell, turning her + thought to the time when, as she imagined, she would be able + to do so much more for and with him. And now she was almost + in a mood to quarrel with him! Brought to moral bay, she + stood with her head high, her soul roused, and every nerve + strung to defence. She had not yet cast herself for defence + on the care of her Father in heaven, who is jealous for the + righteousness of those who love righteousness. But he was not + far from her. + </p> + <p> + Yet deeper into the brooding fit she sank. Weary with her + journey and the sleepless night, her brain seemed to work + itself; when suddenly came the thought that, after so long a + separation, she was at last in the midst of her poor. But how + was she to face them now! how hold up her head amongst them! + how utter a word of gentlest remonstrance! Who was she to + have dared speak to them of the evil of their ways, and the + bad influence of an ill-behaved family! But how lightly they + bore such ills as that which was now breaking her down with + trouble and shame! Even such of them as were honest people, + would have this cousin or that uncle, or even a son or the + husband <i>in</i> for so many months, and think only of when + they would have him out again! Misfortune had overtaken them! + and they loved them no less. The man or the woman was still + man or woman, mother or husband to them. Nothing could + degrade them beyond the reach of their sympathies! They had + no thought of priding themselves against them because they + themselves had not transgressed the law, neither of drawing + back from them with disgust. And were there not a thousand + wrong things done in business and society which had no + depressing effect either on those who did them, or those + whose friends did them—only because these wrongs not + having yet come under the cognizance of law had not yet come + to be considered disgraceful? Therewith she felt nearer to + her poor than ever before, and it comforted her. The bare + soul of humanity comforted her. She was not merely of the + same flesh and blood with them—not even of the same + soul and spirit only, but of the same failing, sinning, + blundering breed; and that not alone in the general way of + sin, ever and again forsaking the fountain of living water, + and betaking herself to some cistern, but in their individual + sins was she not their near relative? Their shame was hers: + the son of her mother, the son of her father was a thief! She + was and would be more one with them than ever before! If they + made less of crime in another, they also made less of + innocence from it in themselves! Was it not even better to do + wrong, she asked herself, than to think it a very grand thing + not to do it? What merit was there in being what it would be + contemptible not to be? The Lord Christ could get nearer to + the publican than the Pharisee, to the woman that was a + sinner than the self-righteous honest woman! The Pharisee was + a good man, but he thought it such a fine thing to be good + that God did not like him nearly so well as the other who + thought it a sad thing to be bad! Let her but get among her + nice, honest, wicked poor ones, out of this atmosphere of + pretence and appearance, and she would breathe again! She + dropped upon her knees, and cried to her Father in heaven to + make her heart clean altogether, to deliver her from + everything mean and faithless, to make her turn from any + shadow of ill as thoroughly as she would have her brother + repent of the stealing that made them all so ashamed. Like a + woman in the wrong she drew nigh the feet of her master; she + too was a sinner; her heart needed his cleansing as much as + any! + </p> + <p> + And with that came another God-given thought of + self-accusing. For suddenly she perceived that self had been + leading her astray: she was tender towards those farther from + her, hard towards the one nearer to her! It was easy to be + indulgent towards those whose evil did not touch herself: to + the son of her own mother she was severe and indignant! If + she condemned him, who would help his mother to give him the + love of which he stood in the sorer need that he was unworthy + of it? Corney whom she had nursed as a baby—who used to + crow when she appeared—could it be that she who had + then loved him so dearly had ceased and was loving him no + more? True, he had grown to be teasing and trying in every + way, seeming to despise her and all women together; but was + not that part of the evil disease that clung fast to him? If + God were to do like her, how many would be giving honour to + his Son? But God knew all the difficulties that beset men, + and gave them fair play when sisters did not: he would redeem + Corney yet! But was it possible he should ever wake to see + how ugly his conduct had been? It <i>seemed</i> impossible; + but surely there were powers in God's heart that had not yet + been brought to bear upon him! Perhaps this, was one of + them—letting him disgrace himself! If he could but be + made ashamed of himself there would be hope! And in the + meantime she must get the beam out of her own eye, that she + might see to take the mote or the beam, whichever it might + be, out of Corney's! Again she fell upon her knees, and + prayed God to enable her. Corney was her brother, and must + for ever be her brother, were he the worst thief under the + sun! God would see to their honor or disgrace; what she had + to do was to be a sister! She rose determined that she would + not go home till she had done all she could to find him; that + the judgment of God should henceforth alone be hers, and the + judgment of the world nothing to her for evermore. + </p> + <p> + Presently the fact, which had at various times cast a dim + presence up her horizon without thoroughly attracting her + attention, became plain to her—that she had in part + been drawn towards her lover because of his social position. + Certainly without loving him, she would never have consented + to marry him for that, but had she not come the more readily + to love him because of that? Had it not passed him within + certain defences which would otherwise have held out? Had he + not been an earl in prospect, were there not some things in + him which would have more repelled her, as not manifesting + the highest order of humanity? Would she, for instance, but + for that, have tried so much to like his verses? Clearly she + must take her place with the sinners! + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch36"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXVI. + </h2> + <h3> + A TALK WITH THE MAJOR. + </h3> + <p> + While she meditated thus, major Marvel made his appearance. + He had been watching outside, saw her uncle go, and an hour + after was shown to the room where she still sat, staring out + on the frosty trees of the square. + </p> + <p> + "Why, my child," he said, with almost paternal tenderness, + "your hand is as cold as ice! Why do you sit so far from the + fire?" + </p> + <p> + She rose and went to the fire with him. He put her in an easy + chair, and sat down beside her. Common, pudgy, red-faced, + bald-headed as he was, she come to him, and that out of + regions of deepest thought, with a sense of refuge. He could + scarcely have understood one of her difficulties, would + doubtless have judged not a few of her scruples nonsensical + and over-driven; yet knowing this it was a comfort to her to + come from those regions back to a mere, honest, human + heart—to feel a human soul in a human body nigh her. + For the mere human is divine, though not <i>the</i> divine, + and to the mere human essential comfort. Should relations be + broken between her and lord Gartley, she knew it would + delight the major; yet she was able to look upon him as a + friend in whom she could trust. Unity of <i>opinion</i> is + not necessary to confident friendship and warm love. + </p> + <p> + As they talked, the major, seeing she was much depressed, and + thinking to draw her from troubled thought, began to tell her + some of the more personal parts of his history, and in these + she soon became so interested that she began to ask him + questions, and drew from him much that he would never have + thought of volunteering. Before their talk was over, she had + come to regard the man as she could not have imagined it + possible she should. She had looked upon him as a man of so + many and such redeeming qualities, that his faults must be + over-looked and himself defended from any overweighing of + them; but now she felt him a man to be looked up + to—almost revered. It was true that every now and then + some remark would reveal in him a less than attractive + commonness of thinking; and that his notions in religion were + of the crudest, for he regarded it as a set of + doctrines—not a few of them very dishonouring to God; + yet was the man in a high sense a true man. There is nothing + shows more how hard it has been for God to redeem the world + than the opinions still uttered concerning him and his + so-called <i>plans</i> by many who love him and try to obey + him: a man may be in possession of the most precious jewels, + and yet know so little about them that his description of + them would never induce a jeweller to purchase them, but on + the contrary make him regard the man as a fool, deceived with + bits of coloured glass for rubies and sapphires. Major Marvel + was not of such. He knew nothing of the slang of the + Pharisees, knew little of the language of either the saints + or the prophets, had, like most Christians, many worldly ways + of looking at things, and yet I think our Lord would have + said there was no guile in him. + </p> + <p> + With her new insight into the man's character came to Hester + the question whether she would not be justified in taking him + into her confidence with regard to Cornelius. She had + received no injunctions to secrecy from her father: neither + he nor her mother ever thought of such a thing with her; they + knew she was to be trusted as they were themselves to be + trusted. Her father had taken no step towards any effort for + the rescue of his son, and she would sorely need help in what + she must herself try to do. She could say nothing to the + major about lord Gartley, or the influence her brother's + behaviour might have on her future: that would not be fair + either to Gartley or to the major; but might she not ask him + to help her to find Corney? She was certain he would be + prudent and keep quiet whatever ought to be kept quiet; while + on the other hand her father had spoken as if he would have + nothing of it all concealed. She told him the whole story, + hiding nothing that she knew. Hardly could she restrain her + tears as she spoke, but she ended without having shed one. + The major had said nothing, betrayed nothing, only listened + intently. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Hester," he said solemnly, after a few moments' + pause, "the mysteries of creation are beyond me!" + </p> + <p> + Hester thought the remark irrelevant, but waited. "It's such + a mixture!" he went on. "There is your mother, the loveliest + woman except yourself God ever made! Then comes + Cornelius—a—well!—Then comes yourself! and + then little Mark! a child—I will not say too good to + live—God forbid!—but too good for any of the + common uses of this world! I declare to you I am terrified + when left alone with him, and keep wishing for somebody to + come into the room!" + </p> + <p> + "What about him terrifies you?" asked Hester, amused at the + idea, in spite of the gnawing unrest at her heart. + </p> + <p> + "To answer you," replied the major, "I must think a bit! Let + me see! Let me see! Yes! it must be that! I am ashamed to + confess it, but to a saint one must speak the truth: I + believe in my heart it is simply fear lest I should find I + must give up everything and do as I know he is thinking I + ought." + </p> + <p> + "And what is that?" + </p> + <p> + "Turn a saint like him." + </p> + <p> + "And why should you be afraid of that?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see, I'm not the stuff that saints—good + saints, I mean, are made of; and rather than not be a good + one, if I once set about it, I would, saving your presence, + be the devil himself." + </p> + <p> + Hester laughed, yet with some self-accusation. + </p> + <p> + "I think," she said softly, "one day you will be as good a + saint as love can wish you to be." + </p> + <p> + "Give me time; give me time, I beg," cried the major, wiping + his forehead, and evidently in some perturbation. "I would + not willingly begin anything I should disgrace, for that + would be to disgrace myself, and I never had any will to + that, though the old ladies of our village used to say I was + born without any shame. But the main cause of my unpopularity + was that I hated humbug—and I do hate humbug, cousin + Hester, and shall hate it till I die—and so want to + steer clear of it." + </p> + <p> + "I hate it, I hope, as much as you do, major Marvel," + responded Hester. "But, whatever it may be mixed up with, + what is true, you know, cannot be humbug, and what is not + true cannot be anything else than humbug." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes! but how is one to know what is true, my dear? + There are so many differing claims to the quality!" + </p> + <p> + "I have been told, and I believe it with all my heart," + replied Hester, "that the only way to know what is true is to + do what is true." + </p> + <p> + "But you must know what is true before you can begin to do + what is true." + </p> + <p> + "Everybody knows something that is true to do—that is, + something he ought to lose no time in setting about. The true + thing to any man is the thing that must not be let alone but + done. It is much easier to know what is true to do than what + is true to think. But those who do the one will come to know + the other—and none else, I believe." + </p> + <p> + The major was silent, and sat looking very thoughtful. At + last he rose. + </p> + <p> + "Is there anything you want me to do in this sad affair, + cousin Hester?" he said. + </p> + <p> + "I want your help to find my brother." + </p> + <p> + "Why should you want to find him? You cannot do him any + good!" + </p> + <p> + "Who can tell that? If Christ came to seek and save his lost, + we ought to seek and save our lost." + </p> + <p> + "Young men don't go wrong for the mere sake of going wrong: + you may find him in such a position as will make it + impossible for you to have anything to do with him." + </p> + <p> + "You know that line of Spenser's.— + </p> + <pre> + Entire affection hateth nicer hands'?" +</pre> + <p> + <br> + asked Hester. + </p> + <p> + "No, I don't know it; and I don't know that I understand it + now you tell it me," replied the major, just a little + crossly, for he did not like poetry; it was one of his + bugbear humbugs. "But one thing is plain: you must not expose + yourself to what in such a search would be unavoidable." + </p> + <p> + The care of men over some women would not seldom be ludicrous + but for the sad suggested contrast of their carelessness over + others. + </p> + <p> + "Answer me one question, dear major Marvel," said Hester: + "Which is in most danger from disease—the healthy or + the sickly?" + </p> + <p> + "That's a question for the doctor," he answered cautiously; + "and I don't believe he knows anything about it either. What + it has to do with the matter in hand I cannot think." + </p> + <p> + Hester saw it was not for her now to pursue the argument. And + one would almost imagine it scarce needed pursuing! For who + shall walk safe in the haunts of evil but those upon whom, + being pure, evil has no hold? The world's notions of purity + are simply childish—because it is not itself pure. You + might well suppose its cherished ones on the brink of all + corruption, so much afraid does it seem of having them + tainted <i>before their time</i>. Sorry would one be, but for + the sake of those for whom Christ died, that any woman should + be pained with the sight of evil, but the true woman may, + even like God himself, know all evil and remain just as + lovely, as clean, as angelic and worshipful as any child in + the simplest country home. The idea of a woman like Hester + being <i>in any sense</i> defiled by knowing what her Lord + knows while she fills up what is left behind of the + sufferings of Christ for her to suffer for the sake of his + world, is contemptible. As wrong melts away and vanishes in + the heart of Christ, so does the impurity she encounters + vanish in the heart of the pure woman: it is there burned up. + </p> + <p> + "I hardly see what is to be done," said the major, after a + moment's silence. "What do you say to an advertisement in + <i>The Times</i>, to the effect that, if C. R. will return to + his family, all will be forgiven?" + </p> + <p> + "That I must not, dare not do. There is surely some other way + of finding persons without going to the police!" + </p> + <p> + "What do you think your father would like done?" + </p> + <p> + "I do not know; but as I am Corney's sister, I will venture + as a sister may. I think my father will be pleased in the + end, but I will risk his displeasure for the sake of my + brother. If my father were to cast him off, would you say I + was bound to cast him off?" + </p> + <p> + "I dare say nothing where you are sure, Hester. My only + anxiety would be whether you thoroughly knew what you were + about." + </p> + <p> + "If one were able to look upon the question of life or death + as a mere candle-flame in the sun of duty, would she not at + least be more likely to do right than wrong?" + </p> + <p> + "If the question were put about a soldier I should feel surer + how to answer you," replied the major. "But you are so much + better than I—you go upon such different tactics, that + we can hardly, I fear, bring our troops right in front of + each other.—I will do what I can for you—though I + greatly fear your brother will never prove worth the + trouble." + </p> + <p> + "People have repented who have gone as far wrong as Corney," + said Hester, with the tears in her voice it not in her eyes. + </p> + <p> + "True!" responded the major; "but I don't believe he has + character enough to repent of anything. He will be fertile + enough in excuse! But I will do what I can to find out where + he is." + </p> + <p> + Hester heartily thanked him, and he took his leave. + </p> + <p> + Her very estrangement from him, the thought of her mother's + misery and the self-condemnation that must overtake her + father if he did nothing, urged her to find Cornelius. But if + she found him, what would come of it? Was he likely to go + home with her? How would he be received if he did go home? + and if not, what was she to do with or for him? Was he to + keep the money so vilely appropriated? And what was he to do + when it was spent? If want would drive him home, the sooner + he came to it the better! We pity the prodigal with his + swine, but then first a ray of hope begins to break through + the darkness of his fate. + </p> + <p> + To do nothing was nearly unendurable, and she saw nothing to + do. She could only wait, and it took all the patience and + submission she could find. She wrote to her father, told him + what there was to tell, and ended her letter with a message + to her mother:—"Tell darling mother," she said, "that + what a sister can do, up to the strength God gives her, shall + be done for my brother. Major Marvel is doing his best to + find him." + </p> + <p> + Next day she heard from her father that her mother was slowly + recovering; and on the following day that her letter was a + great comfort to her; but beyond this he made no remark. Even + his silence however was something of a relief to Hester. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime she was not idle. Hers was not the nature + even in grief to sit still. The moment she had dispatched her + letter, she set out to visit her poor friends. On her way she + went into Mrs. Baldwin's shop and had a little talk with her, + in the course of which she asked if she had ever heard + anything more of the Frankses. Mrs. Baldwin replied that she + had once or twice heard of their being seen in the way of + their profession; but feared they were not getting on. Hester + was sorry, but had many more she knew better to think of. + </p> + <p> + There was much rejoicing at her return. But there were + changes—new faces where she had left friends, and not + the best news of some who remained. One or two were in prison + of whom when she left she was in great hope. One or two were + getting on better in the sense of this world, but she could + see nothing in themselves to make her glad of their "good + luck." One who had signed the pledge some time before she + went, had broken out fearfully, and all but killed his wife. + One of whom she had been hopeful, had disappeared—it + was supposed with another man's wife. In spite of their + sufferings the evil one seemed as busy among them as among + the world's elect. + </p> + <p> + The little ones came about her again, but with less + confidence, both because she had been away, and because they + had grown more than they had improved. But soon things were + nearly on the old footing with them. + </p> + <p> + Every day she went among them. Certain of the + women—chiefly those who had suffered most with least + fault—were as warmly her friends as before. Amongst + them was just one who had some experience of the Christian + life, and she had begun to learn long before Hester came to + know her: she did not seem, however, to have gained any + influence even with those who lived in the same house; only + who can trace the slow working of leaven? + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch37"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXVII. + </h2> + <h3> + RENCONTRES. + </h3> + <p> + There was no news of Cornelius. In vain the detective to whom + the major had made liberal promises continued his inquiries. + There was a rumour of a young woman in whose company he had + lately been seen, but she too had disappeared from public + sight. + </p> + <p> + Sarah did her best to make Hester comfortable, and behaved + the better that she was humbled by the consciousness of + having made a bad job of her caretaking with Cornelius. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon—it had rained, but the sun was now + shining, and Hester's heart felt lighter as she took deep + breaths of the clean-washed air—she turned into a + passage to visit the wife of a book-binder who had been long + laid up with rheumatism so severe as to render him quite + unable to work. + </p> + <p> + They had therefore been on the borders of want, and for + Hester it was one of those happy cases in which she felt at + full liberty to help with money. The part of the house + occupied by them was pretty decent, but the rest of it was in + bad repair and occupied by yet poorer people, of none of whom + she knew much. + </p> + <p> + It was in fact a little way beyond what she had come to count + her limit. + </p> + <p> + She knocked at the door. It was opened by the parish doctor. + </p> + <p> + "You cannot come in, Miss Raymount," he said. "We have a very + bad case of small-pox here. You good ladies must make up your + minds to keep away from these parts for a while. Their bodies + are in more danger than their souls now." + </p> + <p> + "That may very well be," replied Hester. "My foot may be in + more danger than my head, but I can better afford to lose the + one than the other." + </p> + <p> + The doctor did not see the point, and thought there was none. + </p> + <p> + "You will only carry the infection," he said. + </p> + <p> + "I will take every precaution," answered Hester. "I always + take more, I am certain, than it can be possible for you to + take. Why should not I also do my part to help them through?" + </p> + <p> + "While the parish is in my care," answered the doctor, "I + must object to whatever increases the risk of infection. It + is hard while we are doing all we can to stamp out the + disease, to have you, with the best of motives I admit, + carrying it from one house to another. How are we to keep it + out of the West End, if you ladies carry the seeds of it?" + </p> + <p> + The hard-worked man spoke with some heat. + </p> + <p> + "So the poor brothers are to be left for fear of hurting the + rich ones?" + </p> + <p> + "That's not fair—you know it is not!" said the doctor. + "We are set here to fight the disease, and fight it we must." + </p> + <p> + "And I am set here to fight something worse," returned Hester + with a smile. + </p> + <p> + The doctor came out and shut the door. + </p> + <p> + "I must beg of you to go away," he said. "I shall be + compelled to mention in my report how you and other ladies + add to our difficulties." + </p> + <p> + He slipped in again and closed the door. Hester turned and + went down the stair, now on her part a little angry. She knew + it was no use thinking when she was angry, for when the anger + was gone she almost always thought otherwise. The first thing + was to get rid of the anger. Instinctively she sat down and + began to sing; it was not the first time she had sat and sung + in a dirty staircase. It was not a wise thing to do, but her + anger prevented her from seeing its impropriety. + </p> + <p> + In great cities the children are like flies, gathering + swiftly as from out of the unseen: in a moment the stair + below was half-filled with them. The tenants above opened + their doors and came down. Others came in from the street and + were pushed up by those who came behind them. The stair and + entrance were presently filled with people, all shabby, and + almost all dirty—men and women, young and old, good and + bad, listening to the voice of the singing lady, as she was + called in the neighborhood. + </p> + <p> + By this time the doctor had finished his visit at the + bookbinder's, and appeared on the stair above. He had heard + the singing, and thought it was in the street; now he learnt + it was actually in the house, and had filled it with people! + It was no wonder, especially when he saw who the singer was, + that he should lose his temper. Through the few women and + children above where Hester sat, he made his way towards the + crowd of faces below. When he reached her he seized her arm + from behind and began to raise at once and push her down the + stair. He, too, was an enthusiast in his way. Some of the + faces below grew red with anger, and their eyes flamed at the + doctor. A loud murmur arose, and several began to force their + way up to rescue her, as they would one of their own from the + police. But Hester, the moment she saw who it was that had + laid hold of her, rose and began to descend the stair, + closely followed by the doctor. It was not easy; and the + annoyance of a good many in the crowd, some because Hester + was their friend, others because the doctor had stopped the + singing, gave a disorderly and indeed rather threatening look + to the assemblage. + </p> + <p> + As she reached the door she saw, on the opposite side of the + crowded passage, the pale face and glittering eyes of Mr. + Blaney looking at her over the heads between. The little man + was mounted on a box at the door of a shop whose trade seemed + to be in withered vegetables and salt fish, and had already + had the pint which, according to his brother-in-law, was more + than he could stand. + </p> + <p> + "Sarves you right, miss," he cried, when he saw who was the + centre of the commotion; "sarves you right! You turned me out + o' your house for singin', an' I don't see why you should + come a singin' an' a misbehavin' of yourself in ourn! Jest + you bring her out here, pleeceman, an' let me give her a bit + o' my mind. Oh, don't you be afeared, I won't hurt her! Not + in all my life did I ever once hurt a woman—bless 'em! + But it's time the gentry swells knowed as how we're yuman + bein's as well as theirselves. We don't like, no more'n they + would theirselves, havin' our feelin's hurt for the sake o' + what they calls bein' done good to. Come you along down over + here, miss!" + </p> + <p> + The crowd had been gathering from both ends of the passage, + for high words draw yet faster than sweet singing, and the + place was so full that it was hardly possible to get out of + it. The doctor was almost wishing he had let ill alone, for + he was now anxious about Hester. Some of the rougher ones + began pushing. The vindictive little man kept bawling, his + mouth screwed into the middle of his cheek. From one of the + cross entrances of the passage came the pulse of a fresh tide + of would-be spectators, causing the crowd to sway hither and + thither. All at once Hester spied a face she knew, + considerably changed as it was since last she had seen it. + </p> + <p> + "Now we shall have help!" she said to her companion, making + common cause with him notwithstanding his antagonism. + "—Mr. Franks!" + </p> + <p> + The athlete was not so far off that she needed to call very + loud. He heard and started with eager interest. He knew the + voice, sent his eyes looking and presently found her who + called him. With his great lean muscular arms he sent the + crowd right and left like water, and reached her in a moment. + </p> + <p> + "Come! come! don't you hurt her!" shouted Mr. Blaney from the + top of his box. "She ain't nothing to you. She's a old friend + o' mine, an' I ain't a goin' to see her hurt." + </p> + <p> + "You shut up!" bawled Franks, "or I'll finish the pancake you + was meant for." + </p> + <p> + Then turning to Hester, who had begun to be a little afraid + he too had been drinking, he pulled off his fur cap, and + making the lowest and politest of stage bows, said briefly, + </p> + <p> + "Miss Raymount—at your service, miss!" + </p> + <p> + "I am very glad to see you again, Mr. Franks," said Hester. + "Do you think you could get us out of the crowd?" + </p> + <p> + "Easy, miss. I'll <i>carry</i> you out of it like a baby, + miss, if you'll let me." + </p> + <p> + "No, no; that will hardly be necessary," returned Hester, + with a smile. + </p> + <p> + "Go on before, and make a way for us," said the doctor, with + an authority he had no right to assume. + </p> + <p> + "There is not the least occasion for you to trouble yourself + about me farther," said Hester. "I am perfectly safe with + this man. I know him very well. I am sorry to have vexed + you." + </p> + <p> + Franks looked up sharply at the doctor, as if to see whether + he dared acknowledge a claim to the apology; then turning to + Hester,— + </p> + <p> + "Nobody 'ain't ha' been finding fault with you, miss?" he + said—a little ominously. + </p> + <p> + "Not more than I deserved," replied Hester. "But come, + Franks! lead the way, or all Bloomsbury will be here, and + then the police! I shouldn't like to be shut up for offending + Mr. Blaney!" + </p> + <p> + Those near them heard and laughed. She took Franks's arm. + Room was speedily made before them, and in a minute they were + out of the crowd, and in one of the main thoroughfares. + </p> + <p> + But as if everybody she knew was going to appear, who should + meet them face to face as they turned into Steevens's Road, + with a fringe of the crowd still at their heels, but lord + Gartley! He had written from town, and Mrs. Raymount had let + him know that Hester was in London, for she saw that the + sooner she had an opportunity of telling him what had + happened the better. His lordship went at once to Addison + square, and had just left the house disappointed when he met + Hester leaning on Franks's arm. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Raymount!" he exclaimed almost haughtily. + </p> + <p> + "My lord!" she returned, with unmistakable haughtiness, + drawing herself up, and looking him in the face, hers + glowing. + </p> + <p> + "Who would have expected to see you here?" he said. + </p> + <p> + "Apparently yourself, my lord!" + </p> + <p> + He tried to laugh. + </p> + <p> + "Come then; I will see you home," he said. + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, my lord. Come, Franks." + </p> + <p> + As she spoke she looked round, but Franks was gone. Finding + she had met one of her own family, as he supposed, he had + quietly withdrawn: the moment he was no longer wanted, he + grew ashamed, and felt shabby. But he lingered round a corner + near, to be certain she was going to be taken care of, till + seeing them walk away together he was satisfied, and went + with a sigh. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch38"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXVIII. + </h2> + <h3> + IN THE HOUSE. + </h3> + <p> + The two were silent on their way, but from different causes. + Lord Gartley was uneasy at finding Hester in such a + position—led into it by her unreflecting sympathies, no + doubt, so unbefitting the present century of the world's + history! He had gathered from the looks and words of the + following remnants of the crowd that she had been involved in + some street-quarrel—trying to atone it no doubt, or to + separate the combatants. For a woman of her refinement, she + had the strangest proclivity for low company! + </p> + <p> + Hester was silent, thinking how to begin her communication + about Cornelius. Uncomfortable from the contretemps, as well + as from what she had now to do, and irritated at the tone in + which his lordship had expressed the surprise he could not + help feeling at sight of her so accompanied and attended, she + had felt for a moment as if the best thing would be to break + with him at once. But she was too just, had she not had too + much regard for him, to do so. She felt, however, for that + one moment very plainly, that the relation between them was + far from the ideal. Another thing was yet clearer: if he + could feel such surprise and annoyance at the circumstances + in which he had just met her, it would be well to come to a + clearer understanding at once concerning her life-ideal and + projects. But she would make up her mind to nothing till she + saw how he was going to carry himself now his surprise had + had time to pass off: perhaps it would not be necessary to + tell him anything about Corney! they might part upon other + grounds! In the one case it would be she, in the other it + would be he that broke off the engagement: she would rather + it were his doing than hers! No doubt she would stand better + in the eyes of the world if she dismissed him; but that was + an aspect of the affair she would never have deigned to heed + had it presented itself. + </p> + <p> + These thoughts, with what of ratiocination was in them, + hardly passed through her mind; it was filled, rather, with a + confused mass of tangled thought and feeling, which tossed + about in it like the nets of a fishing fleet rolled together + by a storm. + </p> + <p> + Not before they reached the house did lord Gartley speak, and + Hester began to wonder if he might not already have heard of + Cornelius. It was plain he was troubled; plain too he was + only waiting for the coverture of the house to speak. It + should be easy, oh, very easy for him to get rid of her. He + need not be anxious about that! + </p> + <p> + It was doubtless shock upon shock to the sensitive nature of + his lordship to find, when they reached the house, that, + instead of ringing the bell, she took a latch-key from her + pocket, opened the door herself, and herself closed it behind + them. It was just as a bachelor might enter his chambers! It + did not occur to him that it was just such as his bachelor + that ought not to have the key, and such as Hester that ought + to have it, to let them come and go as the angels. She led + the way up the stair. Not a movement of life was audible in + the house! The stillness was painful. + </p> + <p> + "Did no one come up with you?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + "No one but major Marvel," she answered, and opened the door + of the drawing-room. + </p> + <p> + As she opened it, she woke to the consciousness that she was + very cross, and in a mood to make her unfair to Gartley: the + moment she had closed it, she turned to him and said, + </p> + <p> + "Forgive me, Gartley; I am in trouble; we are all in trouble. + When I have told you about it, I shall be more at ease." + </p> + <p> + Without preamble, or any attempt to influence the impression + of the dreadful news, she began her story, softening the + communication only by making it as the knowledge had come to + her—telling first her mother's distress at Sarah's + letter, then the contents of that letter, and then those of + her uncle's. She could not have done it with greater fairness + to her friend: his practised self-control had opportunity for + perfect operation. But the result was more to her + satisfaction than she could have dared to hope. He held out + his hand with a smile, and said, + </p> + <p> + "I am very sorry. What is there I can do?" + </p> + <p> + She looked up in his eyes. They were looking down kindly and + lovingly. + </p> + <p> + "Then—then—," she said, "you don't—I mean + there's no—I mean, you don't feel differently towards + me?" + </p> + <p> + "Towards you, my angel!" exclaimed Gartley, and held out his + arms. + </p> + <p> + She threw herself into them, and clung to him. It was the + first time either of them had shown anything approaching to + <i>abandon</i>. Gartley's heart swelled with delight, + translating her confidence into his power. He was no longer + the second person in the compact, but had taken the place + belonging to the male contracting party! For he had been + painfully conscious now and then that he played but second + fiddle. + </p> + <p> + They sat down and talked the whole thing over. + </p> + <p> + Now that Hester was at peace she began to look at it from + Gartley's point of view. + </p> + <p> + "I am so sorry for you!" she said. "It is very sad you should + have to marry into a family so disgraced. What <i>will</i> + your aunt say?" + </p> + <p> + "My aunt will treat the affair like the sensible woman she + is," replied the earl. "But there is no fear of disgrace; the + thing will never be known. Besides, where is the family that + hasn't one or more such loose fishes about in its pond? The + fault was committed inside the family too, and that makes a + great difference. It is not as if he'd been betting, and + couldn't pay up!" + </p> + <p> + From the heaven of her delight Hester fell prone. Was this + the way her almost husband looked at these things? But, poor + fellow! how could he help looking at them so? Was it not thus + he had been from earliest childhood taught to look at them? + The greater was his need of all she could do for him! He was + so easy to teach anything! What she saw clear as day it could + not be hard to communicate to one who loved as he loved! She + would say nothing now—would let him see no sign of + disappointment in her! + </p> + <p> + "If he don't improve," continued his lordship, "we must get + him out of the country. In the meantime he will go home, and + not a suspicion will be roused. What else should he do, with + such a property to look after?" + </p> + <p> + "My father will not see it so," answered Hester. "I doubt if + he will ever speak to him again. Certainly he will not except + he show some repentance." + </p> + <p> + "Has your father refused to have him home?" + </p> + <p> + "He has not had the chance. Nobody knows what has become of + him." + </p> + <p> + "He'll have to condone, or compromise, or compound, or what + do they call it, for the sake of his family—for your + sake, and my sake, my darling! He can't be so vindictive as + expose his own son! We won't think more about it! Let us talk + of ourselves!" + </p> + <p> + "If only we could find him!" returned Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Depend upon it he is not where you would like to find him. + Men don't come to grief without help! We must wait till he + turns up." + </p> + <p> + Far as this was from her purpose, Hester was not inclined to + argue the point: she could not expect him or any one out of + their own family to be much interested in the fate of + Cornelius. They began to talk about other things; and if they + were not the things Hester would most readily have talked + about, neither were they the things lord Gartley had entered + the house intending to talk about. He too had been almost + angry, only by nature he was cool and even good-tempered. To + find Hester, the moment she came back to London, and now in + the near prospect of marriage with himself, yielding afresh + to a diseased fancy of doing good; to come upon her in the + street of a low neighbourhood, followed by a low crowd, + supported and championed by a low fellow—well, it was + not agreeable! His high breeding made him mind it less than a + middle-class man of like character would have done; but with + his cold dislike to all that was poor and miserable, he could + not fail to find it annoying, and had entered the house + intending to exact a promise for the future—not the + future after marriage, for a change then went without saying. + </p> + <p> + But when he had heard her trouble, and saw how deeply it + affected her, he knew this was not the time to say what he + had meant; and there was the less occasion now that he was + near to take care of her! + </p> + <p> + He had risen to go, and was about to take a loving farewell, + when Hester, suddenly remembering, drew back, with almost a + guilty look. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Gartley!" she said, "I thought not to have let you come + near me! Not that <i>I</i> am afraid of anything! But you + came upon me so unexpectedly! It is all very well for one's + self, but one ought to heed what other people may think!" + </p> + <p> + "What <i>can</i> you mean, Hester?" exclaimed Gartley, and + would have laid his hand on her arm, but again she drew back. + </p> + <p> + "There was small-pox in the house I had just left when you + met me," she said. + </p> + <p> + He started back and stood speechless—manifesting + therein no more cowardice than everyone in his circle would + have justified: was it not reasonable and right he should be + afraid? was it not a humiliation to be created subject to + such a loathsome disease? The disgrace of fearing anything + except doing wrong, few human beings are capable of + conceiving, fewer still of actually believing. + </p> + <p> + "Has it never occurred to you what you are doing in going to + such places, Hester?" he faltered. "It is a treachery against + every social claim. I am sorry to use such hard words, + but—really—I—I—cannot help being a + little surprised at you! I thought you had + more—more—sense!" + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry to have frightened you." + </p> + <p> + "Frightened!" repeated Gartley, with an attempt at a smile, + which closed in a yet more anxious look, "—you do + indeed frighten me! The whole world would agree you give me + good cause to be frightened. I should never have thought + <i>you</i> capable of showing such a lack of principle. Don't + imagine I am thinking of myself; <i>you</i> are in most + danger! Still, you may carry the infection without taking it + yourself!" + </p> + <p> + "I didn't know it was there when I went to the + house—only I should have gone all the same," said + Hester. "But if seeing you so suddenly had not made me + forget, I should have had a bath as soon as I got home. I + <i>am</i> sorry I let you come near me!" + </p> + <p> + "One has no right either to take or carry infection," + insisted lord Gartley, perhaps a little glad of the height + upon which an opportunity of finding fault set him for the + first time above her. "But there is no time to talk about it + now. I hope you will use what preventives you can. It is very + wrong to trifle with such things!" + </p> + <p> + "Indeed it is!" answered Hester; "and I say again I am sorry + I forgot. You see how it was—don't you? It was you made + me forget!" + </p> + <p> + But his lordship was by no means now in a smiling mood. He + bade her a somewhat severe good night, then hesitated, and + thinking it hardly signified now, and he must not look too + much afraid, held out his hand. But Hester drew back a third + time, saying, "No, no; you must not," and with solemn bow he + turned and went, his mind full of conflicting feelings and + perplexing thoughts:—What a glorious creature she + was!—and what a dangerous! He recalled the story of the + young woman brought up on poisons, whom no man could come + near but at the risk of his life. What a spirit she had! but + what a pity it was so ill-directed! It was horrible to think + of her going into such abominable places—and all alone + too! How ill she had been trained!—in such utter + disregard of social obligation and the laws of nature! It was + preposterous! He little thought what risks he ran when he + fell in love with <i>her</i>! If he got off now without an + attack he would be lucky! But—good heavens! if she were + to take it herself! "I wonder when she was last vaccinated!" + he said. "I was last year; I daresay I'm all right! But if + she were to die, or lose her complexion, I should kill + myself! I know I should!" Would honor compel him to marry her + if she were horribly pock-marked? Those dens ought to be + rooted out! Philanthropy was gone mad! It was strict + repression that was wanted! To sympathize with people like + that was only to encourage them! Vice was like + hysterics—the more kindness you showed the worse grew + the patient! They took it all as their right! And the more + you gave, the more they demanded—never showing any + gratitude so far as he knew! + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch39"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXXIX. + </h2> + <h3> + THE MAJOR AND THE SMALL-POX. + </h3> + <p> + His lordship was scarcely gone when the major came. So + closely did the appearance of the one follow on the + disappearance of the other, that there was ground for + suspecting the major had seen his lordship enter the house, + and had been waiting and watching till he was gone. But she + was not yet to be seen: she had no fear of the worst + small-pox could do to her, yet was taking what measures + appeared advisable for her protection. Her fearlessness came + from no fancied absence of danger, but from an utter + disbelief in chance. The same and only faith that would have + enabled him to face the man-eating tiger, enabled her to face + the small-pox; if she did die by going into such places, it + was all right. + </p> + <p> + For aught I know there may be a region whose dwellers are so + little capable of being individually cared for, that they are + left to the action of mere general laws as sufficient for + what for the time can be done for them. Such may well to + themselves seem to be blown about by all the winds of chaos + and the limbo—which winds they call chance? Even then + and there it is God who has ordered all the generals of their + condition, and when they are sick of it, will help them out + of it. One thing is sure—that God is doing his best for + <i>every</i> man. + </p> + <p> + The major sat down and waited. + </p> + <p> + "I am at my wits' end!" he said, when she entered the room. + "I can't find the fellow! That detective's a muff! He ain't + got a trace of him yet! I must put on another!—Don't + you think you had better go home? I will do what can be done, + you may be sure!" + </p> + <p> + "I <i>am</i> sure," answered Hester. "But mamma is better; so + long as I am away papa will not leave her; and she would + rather have papa than a dozen of me." + </p> + <p> + "But it must be so dreary for you—here alone all day!" + he said, with a touch of malice. + </p> + <p> + "I go about among my people," she answered. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! ah!" he returned. "Then I hope you will be careful what + houses you go into, for I hear the small-pox is in the + neighborhood." + </p> + <p> + "I have just come from a house where it is now," she + answered. The major rose in haste. "—But," she went on, + "I have changed all my clothes, and had a bath since." + </p> + <p> + The major sat down again. + </p> + <p> + "My dear young lady!" he said, the roses a little ashy on his + cheek-bones, "do you know what you are about?" + </p> + <p> + "I hope I do—I <i>think</i> I do" she answered. + </p> + <p> + "Hope! Think!" repeated the major indignantly. + </p> + <p> + "Well, <i>believe</i>," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Come, come!" he rejoined with rudeness, "you may hope or + think or believe what you like, but you have no business to + act but on what you <i>know</i>." + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you never act where you do not know!" returned + Hester. "You always <i>know</i> you will win the battle, kill + the tiger, take the small-pox, and be the worse for it?" + </p> + <p> + "It's all very well for you to laugh!" returned the major; + "but what is to become of us if you take the small-pox! Why, + my dear cousin, you might lose every scrap of your good + looks!" + </p> + <p> + "And then who on earth would care for me any more!" said + Hester, with mock mournfulness, which brought a glimmer of + the merry light back to the major's face. + </p> + <p> + "But really, Hester," he persisted, "this is most imprudent. + It is your life, not your beauty only you are periling!" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps," she answered. + </p> + <p> + "And the lives of us all!" added the major. + </p> + <p> + "Is the small-pox worse than a man-eating tiger?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "Ten times worse," he answered. "You can fight the tiger, but + you can't fight the small-pox. You really ought <i>not</i> to + run such fearful risks." + </p> + <p> + "How are they to be avoided? Every time you send for the + doctor you run a risk! You can't order a clean doctor every + time!" + </p> + <p> + "A joke's all very well! but it is our duty to take care of + ourselves." + </p> + <p> + "In reason, yes," replied Hester. + </p> + <p> + "You may think," said the major, "that God takes special care + of you because you are about his business—and far be it + from me to say you are not about his business or that he does + not take care of you; but what is to become of me and the + like of me if we take the small-pox from you?" + </p> + <p> + Hester had it on her lips to say that if he was meant to die + of the small-pox, he might as well take it of her as of + another; but she said instead that she was sure God took care + of her, but not sure she should not die of the small-pox. + </p> + <p> + "How can you say God takes care of you if he lets you die of + the small-pox!" + </p> + <p> + "No doubt people would die if God forgot them, but do you + think people die because God forgets them?" + </p> + <p> + "My dear cousin Hester, if there is one thing I have a + <i>penchant</i> for, it is common sense! A paradox I detest + with my whole soul!" + </p> + <p> + "One word, dear major Marvel: Did God take care of Jesus?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course! of course! But he wasn't like other men, you + know." + </p> + <p> + "I don't want to fare better, that is, I don't want to have + more of God's care than he had." + </p> + <p> + "I don't understand you. I should think if we were sure God + took as good care of us as of him—" + </p> + <p> + But there he stopped, for he began to have a glimmer of where + she was leading him. + </p> + <p> + "Did he keep him what you call safe?" said Hester. "Did he + not allow the worst man could do to overtake him? Was it not + the very consequence of his obedience?" + </p> + <p> + "Then you have made up your mind to die of the + small-pox?—In that case——" + </p> + <p> + "Only if it be God's will," interrupted Hester. + </p> + <p> + "To that, and that alone, have I made up my mind. If I die of + the small-pox, it will not be because it could not be helped, + or because I caught it by chance; it will be because God + allowed it as best for me and for us all. It will not be a + punishment for breaking his laws: he loves none better, I + believe, than those who break the laws of nature to fulfil + the laws of the spirit—which is the deeper nature, 'the + nature naturing nature,' as I read the other day: of course + it sounds nonsense to anyone who does not understand it." + </p> + <p> + "That's your humble servant," said the major. "I haven't a + notion what you or the author you quote means, though I don't + doubt both of you mean well, and that you are a most + courageous and indeed heroic young woman. For all that it is + time your friends interfered; and I am going to write by the + next post to let your father know how you are misbehaving + yourself." + </p> + <p> + "They will not believe me quite so bad as I fear you will + represent me." + </p> + <p> + "I don't know. I must write anyhow." + </p> + <p> + "That they may order me home to give them the small-pox? + Wouldn't it be better to wait and be sure I had not taken it + already? Your letter, too, might carry the infection. I think + you had better not write." + </p> + <p> + "You persist in making fun of it! I say again it is not a + thing to be joked about," remarked the major, looking red. + </p> + <p> + "I think," returned Hester, "whoever lives in terror of + infection had better take it and have done with it. I know I + would rather die than live in the fear of death. It is the + meanest of slaveries. At least, to live a slave to one's + fears is next worst to living a slave to one's likings. Do as + you please, major Marvel, but I give you warning that if you + interpose—I will not say <i>interfere</i>—because + you do it all for kindness—but if you interpose, I will + never ask you to help me again; I will never let you know + what I am doing, or come to you for advice, lest, instead of + assisting me, you should set about preventing me from doing + what I may have to do." + </p> + <p> + She held out her hand to him, adding with a smile: + </p> + <p> + "Is it for good-bye, or a compact?" + </p> + <p> + "But just look at it from my point of view," said the major, + disturbed by the appeal. "What will your father say if he + finds me aiding and abetting?" + </p> + <p> + "You did not come up at my father's request, or from the + least desire on his part to have me looked after. You were + not put in charge of me, and have no right to suppose me + doing anything my parents would not like. They never objected + to my going among my friends as I thought fit. Possibly they + had more faith in my good sense, knowing me better than major + Marvel." + </p> + <p> + "But when one sees you doing the thing that is plainly + wrong——" + </p> + <p> + "If it be so plainly wrong, how is it that I who am really + anxious to do right, should not see it wrong? Why should you + think me less likely to know what is right than you, major + Marvel?" + </p> + <p> + "I give in," said the major, "and will abide by the + consequences." + </p> + <p> + "But you shall not needlessly put yourself in danger. You + must not come to me except I send for you. If you hear + anything of Corney, write, please." + </p> + <p> + "You don't imagine," cried the major, firing up, "that I am + going to turn tail where you advance? I'm not going to run + from the small-pox any more than you. So long as he don't get + on my back to hunt other people, I don't care. By George! you + women have more courage ten times than we men!" + </p> + <p> + "What we've got to do we just go and do, without thinking + about danger. I believe it is often the best wisdom to be + blind and let God be our eyes as well as our shield. But + would it be right of you, not called to the work, to put + yourself in danger because you would not be out where I am + in? I could admire of course, but never quite justify sir + Philip Sidney in putting off his cuisses because his general + had not got his on." + </p> + <p> + "You're fit for a field-marshal, my dear!" said the major + enthusiastically—adding, as he kissed her hand, "I will + think over what you have said, and at least not betray you + without warning." + </p> + <p> + "That is enough for the present," returned Hester, shaking + hands with him warmly. + </p> + <p> + The major went away hardly knowing whither, so filled was he + with admiration of "cousin Helen's girl." + </p> + <p> + "By Jove!" he said to himself, "it's a confounded good thing + I didn't marry Helen; she would never have had a girl like + that if I had! Things are always best. The world needs a few + such in it—even if they be fools—though I suspect + they will turn out the wise ones, and we the fools for taking + such care of our precious selves!" + </p> + <p> + But the major was by no means a selfish man. He was pretty + much mixed, like the rest of us. Only, if we do not make up + our minds not to be mixed with the one thing, we shall by and + by be but little mixed with the other. + </p> + <p> + That same evening he sent her word that one answering the + description of Cornelius had been descried in the + neighborhood of Addison square. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch40"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XL. + </h2> + <h3> + DOWN AND DOWN. + </h3> + <p> + Down the hill and down!—to the shores of the salt sea, + where the flowing life is dammed into a stagnant lake, a dead + sea, growing more and more bitter with separation and lack of + outlet. Mrs. Franks had come to feel the comforting of her + husband a hopeless thing, and had all but ceased to attempt + it. He grew more hopeless for the lack of what she thought + moved him no more, and when she ceased to comfort him, the + fountain of her own hope began to fail; in comforting him she + had comforted herself. The boys, whose merriment even was + always of a sombre kind, got more gloomy, but had not begun + to quarrel; for that evil, as interfering with their + profession, the father had so sternly crushed that they had + less than the usual tendency to it. + </p> + <p> + They had reached at last the point of being unable to pay for + their lodging. They were indeed a fort-night's rent behind. + Their landlady was not willing to be hard upon them, but what + could a poor woman do, she said. The day was come when they + must go forth like Abraham without a home, but not like + Abraham with a tent and the world before them to set it up + in, not like Abraham with camels and asses to help them + along. The weakly wife had to carry the sickly baby, who, + with many ups and downs, had been slowly pining away. The + father went laden with the larger portion of the goods yet + remaining to them, and led the Serpent of the Prairies, with + the drum hanging from his neck, by the hand. The other boys + followed, bearing the small stock of implements belonging to + their art. + </p> + <p> + They had delayed their departure till it was more than dusk, + for Franks could not help a vague feeling of blame for the + condition of his family, and shrank from being seen of men's + eyes; every one they met must know they had not a place to + lay their heads! The world was like a sea before them—a + prospect of ceaseless motion through the night, with the hope + of an occasional rest on a doorstep or the edge of the + curb-stone when the policeman's back was turned. They set out + to go nowhither—to tramp on and on. Is it any + wonder—does it imply wickedness beyond that lack of + trust in God which is at the root of all wickedness, if the + thought of ending their troubles by death crossed his mind, + and from very tenderness kept returning? At the last gasp, as + it seemed, in the close and ever closer siege of misfortune, + he was almost ready, like the Jews of Masada, to conquer by + self-destruction. But ever and again the sad eyes of his wife + turned him from the thought, and he would plod on, thinking, + as near as possible, about nothing. + </p> + <p> + At length as they wandered they came to a part where seemed + to be only small houses and mews. Presently they found + themselves in a little lane with no thoroughfare, at the back + of some stables, and had to return along the rough-paved, + neglected way. Such was the quiet and apparent seclusion of + the spot, that it struck Franks they had better find its most + sheltered corner, in which to sit down and rest awhile, + possibly sleep. Scarcely would policeman, he thought, enter + such a forsaken place! The same moment they heard the + measured tread of the enemy on the other side of the stables. + Instinctively, hurriedly, they looked around for some place + of concealment, and spied, at the end of a blank wall, + belonging apparently to some kind of warehouse, a narrow path + between that and the wall of the next property. Careless to + what it led, anxious only to escape the annoyance of the + policeman, they turned quickly into it. Scarcely had they + done so when the Serpent, whose hand his father had let go, + disappeared with a little cry, and a whimper ascended through + the darkness. + </p> + <p> + "Hold your n'ise, you rascal!" said his father sharply, but + under his breath; "the bobby will hear you, and have us all + to the lock-up!" + </p> + <p> + Not a sound more was heard. Neither did the boy reappear. + </p> + <p> + "Good heavens, John!" cried the mother in an agonized + whisper, "the child has fallen down a sewer! Oh, my God! he + is gone for ever!" + </p> + <p> + "Hold your n'ise," said Franks again, "an' let's all go down + a'ter him! It's better down anywheres than up where there + ain't nothing to eat an' nowheres to lie down in." + </p> + <p> + "'Tain't a bad place," cried a little voice in a whisper + broken with repressed sobs. "'Tain't a bad place, I don't + think, only I broken one o' my two legs; it won't move to + fetch of me up again." + </p> + <p> + "Thank God in heaven, the child's alive!" cried the mother. + "—You ain't much hurt, are you, Moxy?" + </p> + <p> + "Rather, mother!" + </p> + <p> + By this time the steps of the policeman, to which the father + had been listening with more anxiety than to the words of + wife or child, were almost beyond hearing. Franks turned, and + going down a few steps found his child, where he half lay, + half sat upon them. But when he lifted him, he gave a low cry + of pain. It was impossible to see where or how much he was + hurt. The father sat down and took him on his knees. + </p> + <p> + "You'd better come an' sit here, wife," he said in a low dull + voice. "There ain't no one a sittin' up for us. The b'y's a + bit hurt, an' here you'll be out o' the wind at least." + </p> + <p> + They all got as far down the stair as its room would + permit—the elder boys with their heads hardly below the + level of the wind. But by and by one of them crept down past + his mother, feebly soothing the whimpering baby, and began to + feel what sort of a place they were in. + </p> + <p> + "Here's a door, father!" he said. + </p> + <p> + "Well, what o' that?" returned his father. "'Taint no door + open to us or the likes on us. There ain't no open door for + the likes of us but the door o' the grave." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps this is it, father," said Moxy. + </p> + <p> + "If it be," answered his father with bitterness, "we'll find + it open, I'll be bound." + </p> + <p> + The boy's hand had come upon a latch; he lifted it, and + pushed. + </p> + <p> + "Father," he cried with a gasp, "<i>it is open</i>!" + </p> + <p> + "Get in then," said his father roughly, giving him a push + with his foot. + </p> + <p> + "I daren't. It's so dark!" he answered. + </p> + <p> + "Here, you come an' take the Sarpint," returned the father, + with faintly reviving hope, "an' I'll see what sort of a + place it is. If it's any place at all, it's better than bein' + i' the air all night at this freezin' time!" + </p> + <p> + So saying he gave Moxy to his bigger brother and went to + learn what kind of a place they had got to. Ready as he had + been a moment before for the grave, he was careful in + stepping into the unknown dark. Feeling with foot and hand, + he went in. He trod upon an earthen floor, and the place had + a musty smell: it might be a church vault, he thought. In and + in he went, with sliding foot on the soundless floor, and + sliding hand along the cold wall—on and on, round two + corners, past a closed door, and back to that by which he had + entered, where, as at the grave's mouth, sat his family in + sad silence, waiting his return. + </p> + <p> + "Wife," he said, "we can't do better than to take the only + thing that's offered. The floor's firm, an' it's out o' the + air. It's some sort of a cellar—p'r'aps at the bottom + of a church. It do look as if it wur left open jest for + us!—You <i>used</i> to talk about <i>him</i> above, + wife!" + </p> + <p> + He took her by the hand and led the way into the darkness, + the boys following, one of them with a hold of his mother, + and his arm round the other, who was carrying Moxy. Franks + closed the door behind them, and they had gained a refuge. + Feeling about, one of the boys came upon a large + packing-case; having laid it down against the inner wall, + Franks sat, and made his wife lie upon it, with her head on + his knees, and took Moxy again in his arms, wrapt in one of + their three thin blankets. The boys stretched themselves on + the ground, and were soon fast asleep. The baby moaned by + fits all the night long. + </p> + <p> + In about an hour Franks, who for long did not sleep, heard + the door open softly and stealthily, and seemed aware of a + presence besides themselves in the place. He concluded some + other poor creature had discovered the same shelter; or, if + they had got into a church-vault, it might be some wandering + ghost; he was too weary for further speculation, or any + uneasiness. When the slow light crept through the chinks of + the door, he found they were quite alone. + </p> + <p> + It was a large dry cellar, empty save for the old + packing-case. They must use great caution, and do their best + to keep their hold of this last retreat! Misfortune had + driven them into the earth; it would be fortune to stay + there. + </p> + <p> + When his wife woke, he told her what he had been thinking. He + and the boys would creep out before it was light, and return + after dark. She must not put even a finger out of the + cellar-door all day. He laid Moxy down beside her, woke the + two elder boys, and went out with them. + </p> + <p> + They were so careful that for many days they continued + undiscovered. Franks and the boys went and returned, and + gained bread enough to keep them alive, but it may well seem + a wonder they did not perish with cold. It is amazing what + even the delicate sometimes go through without more than a + little hastening on the road the healthiest are going as + well. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch41"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLI. + </h2> + <h3> + DIFFERENCE. + </h3> + <p> + About noon the next day, lord Gartley called. Whether he had + got over his fright, or thought the danger now less imminent, + or was vexed that he had <i>appeared</i> to be afraid, I do + not know. Hester was very glad to see him again. + </p> + <p> + "I think I am a safe companion to-day," she said. "I have not + been out of the house yet. But till the bad time is over + among my people, we had better be content not to meet, I + think." + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley mentally gasped. He stood for a moment + speechless, gathering his thoughts, which almost refused to + be gathered. + </p> + <p> + "Do I understand you, Hester?" he said. "It would trouble me + more than I can tell to find I do." + </p> + <p> + "I fear I understand you, Gartley!" said Hester. "Is it + possible you would have me abandon my friends to the + small-pox, as a hireling his sheep to the wolf?" + </p> + <p> + "There are those whose business it is to look after them." + </p> + <p> + "I am one of those," returned Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Well," answered his lordship, "for the sake of argument we + will allow it <i>has</i> been your business; but how can you + imagine it your business any longer?" + </p> + <p> + Indignation, a fire always ready "laid" in Hester's bosom, + but seldom yet lighted by lord Gartley, burst into flame, and + she spoke as he had never heard her speak before. + </p> + <p> + "I am aware, my lord," she said, "that I must by and by have + new duties to perform, but I have yet to learn that they must + annihilate the old. The claims of love cannot surely + obliterate those of friendship! The new should make the old + better, not sweep it away." + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear girl, the thing is preposterous!" exclaimed his + lordship. "Don't you see you will enter on a new life! In the + most ordinary cases even, the duties of a wife are distinct + from those of an unmarried woman." + </p> + <p> + "But the duties of neither can supersede those of a human + being. If the position of a wife is higher than that of an + unmarried woman, it must enable her to do yet better the + things that were her duty as a human being before." + </p> + <p> + "But if it be impossible she should do the same things?" + </p> + <p> + "Whatever is impossible settles its own question. I trust I + shall never desire to attempt the impossible." + </p> + <p> + "You have begun to attempt it now." + </p> + <p> + "I do not understand you." + </p> + <p> + "It is impossible you should perform the duties of the + station you are about to occupy, and continue to do as you + are doing now. The attempt wuld be absurd." + </p> + <p> + "I have not tried it yet." + </p> + <p> + "But I know what your duties will be, and I assure you, my + dear Hester, you will find the thing cannot be done." + </p> + <p> + "You set me thinking of more things than I can manage all at + once," she replied in a troubled way. "I must think." + </p> + <p> + "The more you think, the better satisfied you will be of what + I say. All I want of you is to think; for I am certain if you + do, your good sense will convince you I am right." + </p> + <p> + He paused a moment. Hester did not speak. He resumed: + </p> + <p> + "Just think," he said, "what it would be to have you coming + home to go out again straight from one of these kennels of + the small-pox! The idea is horrible! Wherever you were + suspected of being present, the house would be shunned like + the gates of death." + </p> + <p> + "In such circumstances I should not go out." + </p> + <p> + "The suspicion of it would be enough. And in your absence, as + certainly as in your presence, though not so fatally, you + would be neglecting your duty to society." + </p> + <p> + "Then," said Hester, "the portion of society that is healthy, + wealthy, and—merry, has stronger claims than the + portion that is poor and sick and in prison!" + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley was for a moment bewildered—not from any + feeling of the force of what she said, but from inability to + take it in. He had to turn himself about two or three times + mentally before he could bring himself to believe she + actually meant that those to whom she alluded were to be + regarded as a portion of the same society that ruled his + life. He thought another moment, then said: + </p> + <p> + "There are the sick in every class: you would have those of + your own to visit. Why not leave others to visit those of + theirs?" + </p> + <p> + "Then of course you would have no objection to my visiting a + duchess in the small-pox?" + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley was on the point of saying that duchesses never + took the smallpox, but he did not, afraid Hester might know + to the contrary. + </p> + <p> + "There could be no occasion for that," he said. "She would + have everything she could want." + </p> + <p> + "And the others are in lack of everything! To desert them + would be to desert the Lord. He will count it so." + </p> + <p> + "Well, certainly," said his lordship, returning on the track, + "there would be less objection in the case of the duchess, in + as much as every possible precaution would in her house be + taken against the spread of the disease. It would be horribly + selfish to think only of the person affected!" + </p> + <p> + "You show the more need that the poor should not be deserted + of the rich in their bitter necessity! Who among them is able + to take the right precautions against the spread of the + disease? And if it spread among them, there is no security + against its reaching those at last who take every possible + care of themselves and none of their neighbours. You do not + imagine, because I trust in God, and do not fear what the + small-pox can do to me, I would therefore neglect any + necessary preventive! That would be to tempt God: means as + well as results are his. They are a way of giving us a share + in his work." + </p> + <p> + "If I should have imagined such neglect possible, would not + yesterday go far to justify me?" said lord Gartley. + </p> + <p> + "You are ungenerous," returned Hester. "You know I was then + taken unprepared! The smallpox had but just appeared—at + least I had not heard of it before." + </p> + <p> + "Then you mean to give up society for the sake of nursing the + poor?" + </p> + <p> + "Only upon occasion, when there should be a + necessity—such as an outbreak of infectious disease." + </p> + <p> + "And how, pray, should I account for your absence—not + to mention the impossibility of doing my part without you? I + should have to be continually telling stories; for if people + came to know the fact, they would avoid me too as if I were + the pest itself!" + </p> + <p> + It was to Hester as if a wall rose suddenly across the path + hitherto stretching before her in long perspective. It became + all but clear to her that he and she had been going on + without any real understanding of each other's views in life. + Her expectations tumbled about her like a house of cards. If + he wanted to marry her, full of designs and aims in which she + did not share, and she was going to marry him, expecting + sympathies and helps which he had not the slightest + inclination to give her, where was the hope for either of + anything worth calling success? She sat silent. She wanted to + be alone that she might think. It would be easier to write + than talk further! But she must have more certainty as to + what was in his mind. + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean then, Gartley," she said, "that when I am your + wife, if ever I am, I shall have to give up all the + friendships to which I have hitherto devoted so much of my + life?" + </p> + <p> + Her tone was dominated by the desire to be calm, and get at + his real feeling. Gartley mistook it, and supposed her at + length betraying the weakness hitherto so successfully + concealed. He concluded he had only to be firm now to render + future discussion of the matter unnecessary. + </p> + <p> + "I would not for a moment act the tyrant, or say you must + never go into such houses again. Your own good sense, the + innumerable engagements you will have, the endless calls upon + your time and accomplishments, will guide you—and I am + certain guide you right, as to what attention you can spare + to the claims of benevolence. But just please allow me one + remark: in the circle to which you will in future belong, + nothing is considered more out of place than any affectation + of enthusiasm. I do not care to determine whether your way or + theirs is the right one; all I want to say is, that as the + one thing to be avoided is peculiarity, you would do better + not to speak of these persons, whatever regard you may have + for their spiritual welfare, as <i>your friends</i>. One + cannot have so many friends—not to mention that a unity + of taste and feeling is necessary to that much-abused word + <i>friendship</i>. You know well enough such persons cannot + be your friends." + </p> + <p> + This was more than Hester could bear. She broke out with a + vehemence for which she was afterwards sorry, though nowise + ashamed of it. + </p> + <p> + "They <i>are</i> my friends. There are twenty of them would + do more for me than you would." + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley rose. He was hurt. "Hester," he said, "you think + so little of me or my anxiety about your best interests, that + I cannot but suppose it will be a relief to you if I go." + </p> + <p> + She answered not a word—did not even look up, and his + lordship walked gently but unhesitatingly from the room. + </p> + <p> + "It will bring her to her senses!" he said to himself. + "—How grand she looked!" + </p> + <p> + Long after he was gone, Hester sat motionless, thinking, + thinking. What she had vaguely foreboded—she knew now + she had foreboded it all the time—at least she thought + she knew it—was come! They were not, never had been, + never could be at one about anything! He was a mere man of + this world, without relation to the world of truth! To be + tied to him for life would be to be tied indeed! And yet she + loved him—would gladly die for him—not to give + him his own way—for that she would not even marry him; + but to save him from it—to save him from himself, and + give him God instead—that would be worth dying for, + even if it were the annihilation unbelievers took it for! To + marry him, swell his worldly triumphs, help gild the chains + of his slavery was not to be thought of! It was one thing to + die that a fellow-creature might have all things good! + another to live a living death that he might persist in the + pride of life! She could not throw God's life to the service + of the stupid Satan! It was a sad breakdown to the hopes that + had clustered about Gartley! + </p> + <p> + But did she not deserve it? + </p> + <p> + Therewith began a self-searching which did not cease until it + had prostrated her in sorrow and shame before him whose + charity is the only pledge of ours. + </p> + <p> + Was it then all over between them? Might he not bethink + himself, and come again, and say he was sorry he had so left + her? He might indeed; but would that make any difference to + her? Had he not beyond a doubt disclosed his real way of + thinking and feeling? If he could speak thus now, after they + had talked so much, what spark of hope was there in marriage? + </p> + <p> + To forget her friends that she might go into <i>society</i> a + countess! The thought was as contemptible as + poverty-stricken. She would leave such ambition to women that + devoured novels and studied the peerage! One loving look from + human eyes was more to her than the admiration of the world! + She would go back to her mother as soon as she had found her + poor Corney, and seen her people through the smallpox! If + only the house was her own, that she might turn it into a + hospital! She would make it a home to which any one sick or + sad, any cast out of the world, any betrayed by seeming + friends, might flee for shelter! She would be more than ever + the sister and helper of her own—cling faster than ever + to the skirts of the Lord's garment, that the virtue going + out of him might flow through her to them! She would be like + Christ, a gulf into which wrong should flow and + vanish—a sun radiating an uncompromising love! + </p> + <p> + How easy is the thought, in certain moods, of the loveliest, + most unselfish devotion! How hard is the doing of the thought + in the face of a thousand unlovely difficulties! Hester knew + this, but, God helping, was determined not to withdraw hand + or foot or heart. She rose, and having prepared herself, set + out to visit her people. First of all she would go to the + bookbinder's, and see how his wife was attended to. + </p> + <p> + The doctor not being there, she was readily admitted. The + poor husband, unable to help, sat a picture of misery by the + scanty fire. A neighbor, not yet quite recovered from the + disease herself, had taken on her the duties of nurse. Having + given her what instructions she thought it least improbable + she might carry out, and told her to send for anything she + wanted, she rose to take her leave. + </p> + <p> + "Won't you sing to her a bit, miss, before you go?" said the + husband beseechingly. "It'll do her more good than all the + doctor's stuff." + </p> + <p> + "I don't think she's well enough," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Not to get all the good on it, I daresay, miss," rejoined + the man; "but she'll hear it like in a dream, an' she'll + think it's the angels a singin'; an' that'll do her good, for + she do like all them creaturs!" + </p> + <p> + Hester yielded and sang, thinking all the time how the ways + of the open-eyed God look to us like things in a dream, + because we are only in the night of his great day, asleep + before the brightness of his great waking thoughts. The woman + had been tossing and moaning in an undefined discomfort, but + as she sang she grew still, and when she ceased lay as if + asleep. + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, miss," said the man. "You can do more than the + doctor, as I told you! When he comes, he always wakes her up; + you make her sleep true!" + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch42"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLII. + </h2> + <h3> + DEEP CALLETH UNTO DEEP. + </h3> + <p> + In the meantime yet worse trouble had come upon the poor + Frankses. About a week after they had taken possession of the + cellar, little Moxy, the Serpent of the Prairies, who had + been weakly ever since his fall down the steps, by which he + had hurt his head and been sadly shaken, became seriously + ill, and grew worse and worse. For some days they were not + much alarmed, for the child had often been + ailing—oftener of late since they had not been faring + so well; and even when they were they dared not get a doctor + to him for fear of being turned out, and having to go to the + workhouse. + </p> + <p> + By this time they had contrived to make the cellar a little + more comfortable. They managed to get some straw, and with + two or three old sacks made a bed for the mother and the baby + and Moxy on the packing-case. They got also some pieces of + matting, and contrived to put up a screen betwixt it and the + rickety door. By the exercise of their art they had gained + enough to keep them in food, but never enough to pay for the + poorest lodging. They counted themselves, however, better off + by much than if they had been crowded with all sorts in such + lodging as a little more might have enabled them to procure. + </p> + <p> + The parents loved Moxy more tenderly than either of his + brothers, and it was with sore hearts they saw him getting + worse. The sickness was a mild smallpox—so mild that + they did not recognize it, yet more than Moxy could bear, and + he was gradually sinking. When this became clear to the + mother, then indeed she felt the hand of God heavy upon her. + </p> + <p> + Religiously brought up, she had through the ordinary troubles + of a married life sought help from the God in whom her mother + had believed:—we do not worship our fathers and mothers + like the Chinese—though I do not envy the man who can + scorn them for it—but they are, if at all decent + parents, our first mediators with the great father, whom we + can worse spare than any baby his mother;—but with + every fresh attack of misery, every step further down on the + stair of life, she thought she had lost her last remnant of + hope, and knew that up to that time she had hoped, while past + seasons of failure looked like times of blessed prosperity. + No man, however little he may recognize the hope in him, + knows what it would be to be altogether hopeless. Now Moxy + was about to be taken from them, and no deeper misery seemed, + to their imagination, possible! Nothing seemed left + them—not even the desire of deliverance. How little + hope there is in the commoner phases of religion! The message + grounded on the uprising of the crucified man, has as yet + yielded but little victory over the sorrows of the grave, but + small anticipation of the world to come; not a little hope of + deliverance from a hell, but scarce a foretaste of a blessed + time at hand when the heart shall exult and the flesh be + glad. In general there is at best but a sad looking forward + to a region scarcely less shadowy and far more dreary than + the elysium of the pagan poets. When Christ cometh, shall he + find faith in the earth—even among those who think they + believe that he is risen indeed? Margaret Franks, in the + cellar of her poverty, the grave yawning below it for her + Moxy, felt as if there was no heaven at all, only a sky. + </p> + <p> + But a strange necessity was at hand to compel the mother to + rouse afresh all the latent hope and faith and prayer that + were in her. + </p> + <p> + By an inexplicable insight the child seemed to know that he + was dying. For, one morning, after having tossed about all + the night long, he suddenly cried out in tone most pitiful, + </p> + <p> + "Mother, don't put me in a hole." + </p> + <p> + As far as any of them knew, he had never seen a + funeral—at least to know what it was—had never + heard anything about death or burial: his father had a horror + of the subject! + </p> + <p> + The words went like a knife to the heart of the mother. She + sat silent, neither able to speak, not knowing what to + answer. + </p> + <p> + Again came the pitiful cry, + </p> + <p> + "Mother, don't put me in a hole." + </p> + <p> + Most mothers would have sought to soothe the child, their own + hearts breaking the while, with the assurance that no one + should put him into any hole, or anywhere he did not want to + go. But this mother could not lie in the face of death, nor + had it ever occurred to her that no <i>person</i> is ever put + into a hole, though many a body. + </p> + <p> + Before she could answer, a third time came the cry, this time + in despairing though suppressed agony,— + </p> + <p> + "Mother, don't let them put me in a hole." + </p> + <p> + The mother gave a cry like the child's, and her heart within + her became like water. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, God!" she gasped, and could say no more. + </p> + <p> + But with the prayer—for what is a prayer but a calling + on the name of the Lord?—came to her a little calm, and + she was able to speak. She bent over him and kissed his + forehead. + </p> + <p> + "My darling Moxy, mother loves you," she said. + </p> + <p> + What that had to do with it she did not ask herself. The + child looked up in her face with dim eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Pray to the heavenly father, Moxy," she went on—and + there stopped, thinking what she should tell him to ask for. + "Tell him," she resumed, "that you don't want to be put in a + hole, and tell him that mother does not want you to be put in + a hole, for she loves you with all her heart." + </p> + <p> + "Don't put me in the hole," said Moxy, now using the definite + article. + </p> + <p> + "Jesus Christ was put in the hole," said the voice of the + next elder boy from behind his mother. He had come in softly, + and she had neither seen nor heard him. It was Sunday, and he + had strolled into a church or meeting-house—does it + matter which?—and had heard the wonderful story of + hope. It was remarkable though that he had taken it up as he + did, for he went on to add, "but he didn't mind it much, and + soon got out again." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, yes, Moxy!" said the poor mother, "Jesus died for our + sins, and you must ask him to take you up to heaven." + </p> + <p> + But Moxy did not know anything about sins, and just as little + about heaven. What he wanted was an assurance that he would + not be put in the hole. And the mother, now a little calmer, + thought she saw what she ought to say. + </p> + <p> + "It ain't your soul, it's only your body, Moxy, they put in + the hole," she said. + </p> + <p> + "I don't want to be put in the hole," Moxy almost screamed. + "I don't want my head cut off!" + </p> + <p> + The poor mother was at her wits' end. + </p> + <p> + But here the child fell into a troubled sleep, and for some + hours a silence as of the grave filled the dreary cellar. + </p> + <p> + The moment he woke the same cry came from his fevered lips, + "Don't put me in the hole," and at intervals, growing longer + as he grew weaker, the cry came all the day. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch43"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLIII. + </h2> + <h3> + DELIVERANCE. + </h3> + <p> + Hester had been to church, and had then visited some of her + people, carrying them words of comfort and hope. They + received them in a way at her hand, but none of them, had + they gone, would have found them at church. How seldom is the + man in the pulpit able to make people feel that the things he + is talking about are things at all! Neither when the heavens + are black with clouds and rain, nor when the sun rises + glorious in a blue perfection, do many care to sit down and + be taught astronomy! But Hester was a live gospel to + them—and most when she sang. Even the name of the + Saviour uttered in her singing tone and with the expression + she then gave it, came nearer to them than when she spoke it. + The very brooding of the voice on a word, seems to hatch + something of what is in it. She often felt, however, as if + some new, other kind of messengers than she or such as she, + must one day be sent them; for there seemed a gulf between + their thoughts and hers, such as neither they nor she could + pass. + </p> + <p> + In fact they <i>could not</i> think the things she thought, + and had no vocabulary or phrases or imagery whereby to + express their own thinkings. God does not hurry such: have we + enough of hope for them, or patience with them? I suspect + their teachers must arise among themselves. They too must + have an elect of their own kind, of like passions with + themselves, to lift them up, and perhaps shame those that + cannot reach them. Our teaching to them is no teaching at + all; it does not reach their ignorance; perhaps they require + a teaching that to our ignorance would seem no teaching at + all, or even bad teaching. How many things are there in the + world in which the wisest of us can ill descry the hand of + God! Who not knowing could read the lily in its bulb, the + great oak in the pebble-like acorn? God's beginnings do not + <i>look</i> like his endings, but they <i>are</i> like; the + oak <i>is</i> in the acorn, though we cannot see it. The + ranting preacher, uttering huge untruths, may yet wake vital + verities in chaotic minds—convey to a heart some saving + fact, rudely wrapped in husks of lies even against God + himself. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Christopher, thrown at one time into daily relations with + a good sort of man, had tried all he could to rouse him to a + sense of his higher duties and spiritual privileges, but + entirely without success. A preacher came round, whose gospel + was largely composed of hell-fire and malediction, with + frequent allusion to the love of a most unlovely God, as + represented by him. This preacher woke up the man. "And + then," said Christopher, "I was able to be of service to him, + and get him on. He speedily outgrew the lies his prophet had + taught him, and became a devout Christian; while the man who + had been the means of rousing him was tried for bigamy, + convicted and punished." + </p> + <p> + This Sunday Hester, in her dejection and sadness about + Gartley, over whom—not her loss of him—she + mourned deeply, felt more than ever, if not that she could + not reach her people, yet how little she was able to touch + them, and there came upon her a hopelessness that was heavy, + sinking into the very roots of her life, and making existence + itself appear a dull and undesirable thing. Hitherto life had + seemed a good thing, worth holding up as a heave-offering to + him who made it; now she had to learn to take life itself + from the hand of God as his will, in faith that he would + prove it a good gift. She had to learn that in <i>all</i> + drearinesses, of the flesh or spirit, even in those that seem + to come of having nothing to do, or from being unable to do + what we think we have to do, the refuge is the same—he + who is the root and crown of life. Who would receive comfort + from anything but love? Who would build on anything but the + eternal? Who would lean on that which has in itself no + persistence? Even the closest human loves have their only + endurance, only hope of perfection, in the eternal perfect + love of which they are the rainbow-refractions. I cannot love + son or daughter as I would, save loving them as the children + of the eternal God, in whom his spirit dwells and works, + making them altogether lovely, and me more and more + love-capable. That they are mine is not enough ground for + enough love—will not serve as operative reason to the + height of the love my own soul demands from itself for them. + But they are mine because they are his, and he is the + demander and enabler of love. + </p> + <p> + The day was a close, foggy, cold, dreary day. The service at + church had not seemed interesting. She laid the blame on + herself, and neither on prayers nor lessons nor psalms nor + preacher, though in truth some of these might have been + better; the heart seemed to have gone out of the + world—as if not Baal but God had gone to sleep, and his + children had waked before him and found the dismal gray of + the world's morning full of discomfortable ghosts. She tried + her New Testament; but Jesus too seemed far + away—nothing left but the story about him—as if + he had forgotten his promise, and was no longer in the world. + She tried some of her favourite poems: each and all were + infected with the same disease—with common-place + nothingness. They seemed all made up—words! words! + words! Nothing was left her in the valley but the shadow, and + the last weapon, All-prayer. She fell upon her knees and + cried to God for life. "My heart is dead within me," she + said, and poured out her lack into the hearing of him from + whom she had come that she might have himself, and so be. She + did not dwell upon her sorrows; even they had sunk and all + but vanished in the gray mass of lost interest. + </p> + <p> + The modern representatives of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar + would comfort us with the assurance that all such depression + has physical causes: right or wrong, what does their comfort + profit! Consolation in being told that we are slaves! What + noble nature would be content to be cured of sadness by a + dose of medicine? There is in the heart a conviction that the + soul ought to be supreme over the body and its laws; that + there must be a faith which conquers the body with all its + tyrants; and that no soul is right until it has that + faith—until it is in closest, most immediate + understanding with its own unchangeable root, God himself. + Such faith may not at once remove the physical cause, if such + there be, but it will be more potent still; in the presence + of both the cause and the effect, its very atmosphere will be + a peace tremulous with unborn gladness. This gained, the + medicine, the regimen, or the change of air may be resorted + to without sense of degradation, with cheerful hope and some + indifference. Such is perhaps the final victory of faith. + Faith, in such circumstances, must be of the purest, and may + be of the strongest. In few other circumstances can it have + such an opportunity—can it rise to equal height. It may + be its final lesson, and deepest. God is in it just in his + seeming to be not in it—that we may choose him in the + darkness of the feeling, stretch out the hand to him when we + cannot see him, verify him in the vagueness of the dream, + call to him in the absence of impulse, obey him in the + weakness of the will. + </p> + <p> + Even in her prayers Hester could not get near him. It seemed + as if his ear were turned away from her cry. She sank into a + kind of lethargic stupor. I think, in order to convey to us + the spiritual help we need, it is sometimes + necessary—just as, according to the psalmist, "he + giveth to his beloved in their sleep"—to cast us into a + sort of mental quiescence, that the noise of the winds and + waters of the questioning intellect and roused feelings may + not interfere with the impression the master would make upon + our beings. But Hester's lethargy lasted long, and was not so + removed. She rose from her knees in a kind of despair, almost + ready to think that either there was no God, or he would not + hear her. An inaccessible God was worse than no God at all! + In either case she would rather cease! + </p> + <p> + It had been dark for hours, but she had lighted no candle, + and sat in bodily as in spiritual darkness. She was in her + bedroom, which was on the second floor, at the back of the + house, looking out on the top of the gallery that led to the + great room. She had no fire. One was burning away unheeded in + the drawing-room below. She was too miserable to care whether + she was cold or warm. When she had got some light in her + body, then she would go and get warm! + </p> + <p> + What time it was she did not know. She had been summoned to + the last meal of the day, but had forgotten the summons. It + must have been about ten o'clock. The streets were silent, + the square deserted—as usual. The evening was raw and + cold, one to drive everybody in-doors that had doors to go in + at. + </p> + <p> + Through the cold and darkness came a shriek that chilled her + with horror. Yet it seemed as if she had been expecting + it—as if the cloud of misery that had all day been + gathering deeper and deeper above and around her, had at + length reached its fullness, and burst in the lightning of + that shriek. It was followed by another and yet another. + Whence did they come? Not from the street, for all beside was + still; even the roar of London was hushed! And there was a + certain something in the sound of them that assured her that + they rose in the house. Was Sarah being murdered? She was + half-way down the stairs before the thought that sent her was + plain to herself. + </p> + <p> + The house seemed unnaturally still. At the top of the kitchen + stairs she called aloud to Sarah—as loud, that is, as a + certain tremor in her throat would permit. There came no + reply. Down she went to face the worst: she was a woman of + true courage—that is, a woman whom no amount of + apprehension could deter when she knew she ought to seek the + danger. + </p> + <p> + In the kitchen stood Sarah, motionless, frozen with fear. A + candle was in her hand, just lighted. Hester's voice seemed + to break her trance. + </p> + <p> + She started, stared, and fell a trembling. She made her drink + some water, and then she came to herself. + </p> + <p> + "It's in the coal-cellar, miss!" she gasped. "I was that + minute going to fetch a scuttleful! There's something buried + in them coals as sure as my name's Sarah!" + </p> + <p> + "Nonsense!" returned Hester. "Who could scream like that from + under the coals? Come; we'll go and see what it is." + </p> + <p> + "Laws, miss! don't you go near it now. It's too late to do + anything. Either it's the woman's sperrit as they say was + murdered there, or it's a new one." + </p> + <p> + "And you would let her be killed without interfering?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss, all's over by this time!" persisted Sarah, with + white lips trembling. + </p> + <p> + "Then you are ready to go to bed with a murderer in the + house?" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "He's done his business now, an' 'll go away." + </p> + <p> + "Give me the candle. I will go alone." + </p> + <p> + "You'll be murdered, miss—as sure's you're alive!" + </p> + <p> + Hester took the light from her, and went towards the + coal-cellar. The old woman sank on a chair. + </p> + <p> + I have already alluded to the subterranean portion of the + house, which extended under the great room. A long vault, + corresponding to the gallery above, led to these cellars. It + was rather a frightful place to go into in search of the + source of a shriek. Its darkness was scarcely affected by the + candle she carried; it seemed only to blind herself. She + tried holding it above her head, and then she could see a + little. The black tunnel stretched on and on, like a tunnel + in a feverish dream, a long way before the cellars began to + open from it. She advanced, I cannot say fearless, but + therefore only the more brave. She felt as if leaving life + and safety behind, but her imagination was not much awake, + and her mental condition made her almost inclined to welcome + death. She reached at last the coal-cellar, the first that + opened from the passage, and looked in. The coal-heap was + low, and the place looked large and very black. She sent her + keenest gaze through the darkness, but could see nothing; + went in and moved about until she had thrown light into every + corner: no one was there. She was on the point of returning + when she bethought herself there were other cellars—one + the wine-cellar, which was locked: she would go and see if + Sarah knew anything about the key of it. But just as she left + the coal-cellar, she heard a moan, followed by a succession + of low sobs. Her heart began to beat violently, but she + stopped to listen. The light of her candle fell upon another + door, a pace or two from where she stood. She went to it, + laid her ear against it, and listened. The sobs continued a + while, ceased, and left all silent. Then clear and sweet, but + strange and wild, as if from some region unearthly, came the + voice of a child: she could hear distinctly what it said. + </p> + <p> + "Mother," it rang out, "you <i>may</i> put me in the hole." + </p> + <p> + And the silence fell deep as before. + </p> + <p> + Hester stood for a moment horrified. Her excited imagination + suggested some deed of superstitious cruelty in the garden of + the house adjoining. Nor were the sobs and cries altogether + against such supposition. She recovered herself instantly, + and ran back to the kitchen. + </p> + <p> + "You have the keys of the cellars—have you not, Sarah?" + she said. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, miss, I fancy so." + </p> + <p> + "Where does the door beyond the coal-cellar lead out to?" + </p> + <p> + "Not out to nowhere, miss. That's a large cellar as we never + use. I ain't been into it since the first day, when they put + some of the packing-cases there." + </p> + <p> + "Give me the key," said Hester. "Something is going on there + we ought to know about." + </p> + <p> + "Then pray send for the police, miss!" answered Sarah, + trembling. "It ain't for you to go into such places—on + no account!" + </p> + <p> + "What! not in our own house?" + </p> + <p> + "It's the police's business, miss!" + </p> + <p> + "Then the police are their brothers' keepers, and not you and + me, Sarah?" + </p> + <p> + "It's the wicked as is in it, I fear, miss." + </p> + <p> + "It's those that weep anyhow, and they're our business, if + it's only to weep with them. Quick! show me which is the + key." + </p> + <p> + Sarah sought the key in the bunch, and noting the coolness + with which her young mistress took it, gathered courage from + hers to follow, a little way behind. + </p> + <p> + When Hester reached the door, she carefully examined it, that + she might do what she had to do as quickly as possible. There + were bolts and bars upon it, but not one of them was + fastened; it was secured only by the bolt of the lock. She + set the candle on the floor, and put in the key as quietly as + she could. It turned without much difficulty, and the door + fell partly open with a groan of the rusted hinge. She caught + up her light, and went in. + </p> + <p> + It was a large, dark, empty place. For a few moments she + could see nothing. But presently she spied, somewhere in the + dark, a group of faces, looking white through the + circumfluent blackness, the eyes of them fixed in amaze, if + not in terror, upon herself. She advanced towards them, and + almost immediately recognized one of them—then another; + but what with the dimness, the ghostliness, and the + strangeness of it all, felt as if surrounded by the veiling + shadows of a dream. But whose was that pallid little face + whose eyes were not upon her with the rest? It stared + straight on into the dark, as if it had no more to do with + the light! She drew nearer to it. The eyes of the other faces + followed her. + </p> + <p> + When the eyes of the mother saw the face of her Moxy who died + in the dark, she threw herself in a passion of tears and + cries upon her dead. But the man knelt upon his knees, and + when Hester turned in pain from the agony of the mother, she + saw him with lifted hands of supplication at her feet. A + torrent of divine love and passionate pity filled her heart, + breaking from its deepest God-haunted caves. She stooped and + kissed the man upon his upturned forehead. + </p> + <p> + Many are called but few chosen. Hester was the disciple of + him who could have cured the leper with a word, but for + reasons of his own, not far to seek by such souls as + Hester's, laid his hands upon him, sorely defiling himself in + the eyes of the self-respecting bystanders. The leper himself + would never have dreamed of his touching him. + </p> + <p> + Franks burst out crying like the veriest child. All at once + in the depths of hell the wings of a great angel were spread + out over him and his! No more starvation and cold for his + poor wife and the baby! The boys would have plenty now! If + only Moxy—but he was gone where the angels came + from—and theirs was a hard life! Surely the God his + wife talked about must have sent her to them! Did he think + they had borne enough now? Only he had borne it so ill! Thus + thought Franks, in dislocated fashion, and remained kneeling. + </p> + <p> + Hester was now kneeling also, with her arms round her whose + arms were about the body of her child. She did not speak to + her, did not attempt a word of comfort, but wept with her: + she too had loved little Moxy! she too had heard his dying + words—glowing with reproof to her faithlessness who + cried out like a baby when her father left her for a moment + in the dark! In the midst of her loneliness and seeming + desertion, God had these people already in the house for her + help! The back-door of every tomb opens on a hill-top. + </p> + <p> + With awe-struck faces the boys looked on. They too could now + see Moxy's face. They had loved Moxy—loved him more + than they knew yet. + </p> + <p> + The woman at length raised her head, and looked at Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss, it's Moxy!" she said, and burst into a fresh + passion of grief. + </p> + <p> + "The dear child!" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss! who's to look after him now?" + </p> + <p> + "There will be plenty to look after him. You don't think he + who provided a woman like you for his mother before he sent + him here, would send him there without having somebody ready + to look after him?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, miss, it wouldn't be like him—I don't think!" + </p> + <p> + "It would <i>not</i> be like him," responded Hester, with + self-accusation. + </p> + <p> + Then she asked them a few questions about their history since + last she saw them, and how it was they had sunk so low, + receiving answers more satisfactory than her knowledge had + allowed her to hope. + </p> + <p> + "But oh miss!" exclaimed Mrs. Franks, bethinking herself, + "you ought not to ha' been here so long: the little angel + there died o' the small-pox, as I know too well, an' it's no + end o' catching!" + </p> + <p> + "Never mind me," replied Hester; "I'm not afraid. But," she + added, rising, "we must get you out of this immediately." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss! where would you send us?" said Mrs. Franks in + alarm. "There's nobody as 'll take us in! An' it would break + both our two hearts—Franks's an' mine—to be + parted at such a moment, when us two's the father an' mother + o' Moxy. An' they'd take Moxy from us, an' put him in the + hole he was so afeared of!" + </p> + <p> + "You don't think I would leave my own flesh and blood in the + cellar!" answered Hester. "I will go and make arrangement for + you above and be back presently." + </p> + <p> + "Oh thank you, miss!" said the woman, as Hester sat down the + candle beside them. "I do want to look on the face of my + blessed boy as long as I can! He will be taken from me + altogether soon!" + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Franks," rejoined Hester, "you musn't talk like a + heathen." + </p> + <p> + "I didn't know as I was saying anything wrong, miss!" + </p> + <p> + "Don't you know," said Hester, smiling through tears, "that + Jesus died and rose again that we might be delivered from + death? Don't you know it's he and not Death has got your + Moxy? He will take care of him for you till you are ready to + have him again. If you love Moxy more than Jesus loves him, + then you are more like God than Jesus was!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss, don't talk to me like that! The child was born of + my own body?" + </p> + <p> + "And both you and he were born of God's own soul: if you know + how to love he loves ten times better." + </p> + <p> + "You know how to love anyhow, miss! the Lord love you! An + angel o' mercy you been to me an' mine." + </p> + <p> + "Good-bye then for a few minutes," said Hester. "I am only + going to prepare a place for you." + </p> + <p> + Only as she said the words did she remember who had said them + before her. And as she went through the dark tunnel she sang + with a voice that seemed to beat at the gates of heaven, + "Thou didst not leave his soul in hell." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Franks threw herself again beside her child, but her + tears were not so bitter now; she and hers were no longer + forsaken! She also read her New Testament, and the last words + of Hester had struck her as well as the speaker of them: + </p> + <p> + "And she'll come again and receive us to herself!" she said. + "—An' Christ'll receive my poor Moxy to himself! If he + wasn't, as they say, a Christian, it was only as he hadn't + time—so young, an' all the hard work he had to + do—with his precious face a grinnin' like an angel + between the feet of him, a helpin' of his father to make a + livin' for us all! That would be no reason why he as did the + will o' <i>his</i> father shouldn't take to him. If ever + there was a child o' God's makin' it was that child! I feel + as if God must ha' made him right off, like!" + </p> + <p> + Thoughts like these kept flowing through the mind of the + bereaved mother as she lay with her arm over the body of her + child—ever lovely to her, now more lovely than ever. + The small-pox had not been severe—only severe enough to + take a feeble life from the midst of privation, and the + expression of his face was lovely. He lay like the sacrifice + that sealed a new covenant between his mother and her father + in heaven. We have yet learned but little of the blessed + power of death. We call it an evil! It is a holy, friendly + thing. We are not left shivering all the world's night in a + stately portico with no house behind it; death is the door to + the temple-house, whose God is not seated aloft in motionless + state, but walks about among his children, receiving his + pilgrim sons in his arms, and washing the sore feet of the + weary ones. Either God is altogether such as Christ, or the + Christian religion is a lie. + </p> + <p> + Not a word passed between husband and wife. Their hearts were + too full for speech, but their hands found and held each the + other. It was the strangest concurrence of sorrow and relief! + The two boys sat on the ground with their arms about each + other. So they waited. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch44"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLIV. + </h2> + <h3> + ON THE WAY UP. + </h3> + <p> + Hearing only the sounds of a peaceful talk, Sarah had + ventured near enough to the door to hear something of what + was said, and set at rest by finding that the cause of her + terror was but a poor family that had sought refuge in the + cellar, she woke up to better, and was ready to help. More + than sufficiently afraid of robbers and murderers, she was + not afraid of infection: "What should an old woman like me do + taking the small-pox! I've had it bad enough once already!" + She was rather staggered, however, when she found what + Hester's plan for the intruders was. + </p> + <p> + Nothing more, since the night of the concert, had been done + to make the great room habitable by the family. It had been + well cleaned out and that was all. Now and then a fire was + lighted in it, and the children played in it as before, but + it had never been really in use. What better place, thought + Hester, could there be for a small-pox ward! Thither she + would convey her friends rescued from the slimy embrace of + London poverty. + </p> + <p> + She told Sarah to light a great fire as speedily as possible, + while she settled what could be done about beds. Almost all + in the house were old-fashioned wooden ones, hard to take + down, heavy to move, and hard to put up again: with only + herself and Sarah it would take a long time! For safety too + it would be better to hire iron beds which would be easily + purified—only it was Sunday night, and late! But she + knew the little broker in Steevens's Road: she would go to + him and see if he had any beds, and if he would help her to + put them up at once! + </p> + <p> + The raw night made her rejoice the more that she had got hold + of the poor creatures drowning in the social swamp. It was a + consolation, strong even against such heavy sorrows and + disappointments as housed in her heart to know that virtue + was going out of her for rescue and redemption. + </p> + <p> + She had to ring the bell a good many times before the door + opened, for the broker and his small household had retired + for the night: it was now eleven o'clock. He was not well + pleased at being taken from his warm bed to go out and + work—on such a night too! He grounded what objection he + made, however, on its being Sunday, and more than hinted his + surprise that Hester would ask him to do such a thing. She + told him it was for some who had nowhere to lay their heads, + and in her turn more than hinted that he could hardly know + what Sunday meant if he did not think it right to do any + number of good deeds on it. The man assented to her argument, + and went to look out the two beds she wanted. But what in + reality influenced him was dislike to offending a customer; + customers are the divinities of tradesmen, as society is the + divinity of society: in her, men and women worship + themselves. Having got the two bedsteads extracted piecemeal + from the disorganized heaps in his back shop, he and Hester + together proceeded to carry them home—and I cannot help + wishing lord Gartley had come upon her at the work—no + very light job, for she went three times, and bore good + weights. It was long after midnight before the beds were + ready—and a meal of coffee, and toast, and bread and + butter, spread in the great room. Then at last Hester went + back to the cellar. + </p> + <p> + "Now, come," she said, and taking up the baby, which had just + weight enough to lie and let her know how light it was, led + the way. + </p> + <p> + Franks rose from the edge of the packing-case, on which lay + the body of Moxy, with his mother yet kneeling beside it, and + put his arm round his wife to raise her. She yielded, and he + led her away after their hostess, the boys following hand in + hand. But when they reached the cellar door, the mother gave + a heart-broken cry, and turning ran and threw herself again + beside her child. They all followed her. + </p> + <p> + "I can't! I can't!" she said. "I can't leave my Moxy lyin' + here all alone! He ain't used to it. He's never once slep' + alone since he was born. I can't bear to think o' that lovely + look o' his lost on the dark night—not a soul to look + down an' see it! Oh, Moxy! was your mother a-leavin' of you + all alone!" + </p> + <p> + "What makes you think there will not be a soul to see it?" + said Hester. "The darkness may be full of eyes! And the night + itself is only the black pupil of the Father's eye.—But + we're not going to leave the darling here. We'll take him + too, of course, and find him a good place to lie in." + </p> + <p> + The mother was satisfied, and the little procession passed + through the dark way, and up the stair. + </p> + <p> + The boys looked pleased at sight of the comforts that waited + them, but a little awed with the great lofty room. Over the + face of Franks, notwithstanding his little Serpent of the + Prairies had crept away through the long tangled grass of the + universe, passed a gleam of joy mingled with gratitude: much + was now begun to be set to rights between him and the high + government. But the mother was with the little body lying + alone in the cellar. Suddenly with a wild gesture she made + for the door. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss!" she cried, "the rats! the rats!" and would have + darted from the room. + </p> + <p> + "Stop, stop, dear Mrs. Franks!" cried Hester. "Here! take the + baby; Sarah and I are going immediately to bring him away, + and lay him where you can see him when you please." + </p> + <p> + Again she was satisfied. She took the baby, and sat down + beside her husband. + </p> + <p> + I have mentioned a low pitched room under the great one: in + this Hester had told Sarah to place a table covered with + white: they would lay the body there in such fashion as would + be a sweet remembrance to the mother: she went now to see + whether this was done. But on the way she met Sarah coming up + with ashy face. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, miss!" she said, "the body mustn't be left a minute: + there's a whole army of rats in the house already! As I was + covering the table with a blanket before I put on the sheet, + there got up all at once behind the wainscot the most + uprageous hurry-scurry o' them horrid creaturs. They'll be in + wherever it is—you may take your bible-oath! Once when + I was—" + </p> + <p> + Hester interrupted her. + </p> + <p> + "Come," she said, and led the way. + </p> + <p> + She looked first into the low room to see that it was + properly prepared, and was leaving it again, when she heard a + strange sound behind the wainscot as it seemed. + </p> + <p> + "There, miss!" said Sarah. + </p> + <p> + Hester made up her mind at once that little Moxy should not + be left alone. Her heart trembled a little at the thought, + but she comforted herself that Sarah would not be far off, + and that the father and mother of the child would be + immediately over her head. The same instant she was ashamed + of having found this comfort first, for was he not infinitely + nearer to her who is lord of life and death? + </p> + <p> + They went to the cellar. + </p> + <p> + "But how," said Hester on the way, "can the Frankses have got + into the place?" + </p> + <p> + "There is a back door to it, of course!" answered Sarah. "The + first load of coals came in that way, but master wouldn't + have it used: he didn't like a door to his house he never set + eyes on, he said." + </p> + <p> + "But how could it have been open to let them in?" said + Hester. + </p> + <p> + When they reached the cellar, she took the candle and went to + look at the door. It was pushed to, but not locked, and had + no fastening upon it except the lock, in which was the key. + She turned the key, and taking it out, put it in her pocket. + </p> + <p> + Then they carried up the little body, washed it, dressed it + in white, and laid it straight in its + beauty—symbol—passing, like all symbols—of + a peace divinely more profound—the little hands folded + on the breast under the well-contented face, repeating the + calm expression of that conquest over the fear of death, that + submission to be "put in the hole," with which the + child-spirit passed into wide spaces. They lighted six + candles, three at the head and three at the feet, that the + mother might see the face of her child, and because light not + darkness befits death. To Hester they symbolized the forms of + light that sat, one at the head and one at the foot of the + place where the body of Jesus had lain. Then they went to + fetch the mother. + </p> + <p> + She was washing the things they had used for supper. The boys + were already in bed. Franks was staring into the fire: the + poor fellow had not even looked at one for some time. Hester + asked them to go and see where she had laid Moxy, and they + went with her. The beauty of Death's courtly state comforted + them. + </p> + <p> + "But I can't leave him alone!" said the mother "—all + night too!—he wouldn't like it! I know he won't wake up + no more; only, you know, miss—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I know very well," replied Hester. + </p> + <p> + "I'm ready," said Franks. + </p> + <p> + "No, no!" returned Hester. "You are worn out and must go to + bed, both of you: I will stay with the beautiful thing, and + see that no harm comes to it." + </p> + <p> + After some persuasion the mother consented, and in a little + while the house was quiet. Hester threw a fur cloak round + her, and sat down in the chair Sarah had placed for her + beside the dead. + </p> + <p> + When she had sat some time, the exceeding stillness of the + form beside her began to fill her heart with a gentle awe. + The stillness was so persistent that the awe gradually grew + to dismay, and fear, inexplicable, unreasonable fear, of + which she was ashamed, began to invade her. She knew at once + that she must betake her to the Truth for refuge. It is + little use telling one's self that one's fear is silly. It + comes upon no pretence of wisdom or logic; proved devoid of + both, it will not therefore budge a jot. She prayed to the + Father, awake with her in the stillness; and then began to + think about the dead Christ. Would the women who waited for + the dawn because they had no light by which to minister, have + been afraid to watch by that body all the night long? Oh, to + have seen it come to life! move and wake and rise with the + informing God! Every dead thing belonged to Christ, not to + something called Death! This dead thing was his. It was dead + as he had been dead, and no otherwise! There was nothing + dreadful in watching by it, any more than in sitting beside + the cradle of a child yet unborn! In the name of Christ she + would fear nothing! He had abolished death! + </p> + <p> + Thus thinking, she lay back in her chair, closed her eyes, + and thanking God for having sent her relief in these his + children to help, fell fast asleep. + </p> + <p> + She started suddenly awake, seeming to have been roused by + the opening of a door. The fringe of a departing dream lay + yet upon her eyes: was the door of the tomb in which she had + lain so long burst from its hinges? was the day of the great + resurrection come? Swiftly her senses settled themselves, and + she saw plainly and remembered clearly. Yet could she be + really awake? for in the wall opposite stood the form of a + man! She neither cried out nor fainted, but sat gazing. She + was not even afraid, only dumb with wonder. The man did not + look fearful. A smile she seemed to have seen before broke + gradually from his lips and spread over his face. The next + moment he stepped from the wall and came towards her. + </p> + <p> + Then sight and memory came together: in that wall was a door, + said to lead into the next house: for the first time she saw + it open! + </p> + <p> + The man came nearer and nearer: it was Christopher! She rose, + and held out her hand. + </p> + <p> + "You are surprised to see me!" he said, "—and well you + may be! Am I in your house?—And this watch! what does + it mean? I seem to recognize the sweet face! I must have seen + you and it together before!—Yes! it is Moxy!" + </p> + <p> + "You are right, Mr. Christopher," she answered. "Dear little + Moxy died of the small-pox in our cellar. He was just gone + when I found them there." + </p> + <p> + "Is it wise of you to expose yourself so much to the + infection?" said the doctor. + </p> + <p> + "Is it worthy of you to ask such a question?" returned + Hester. "We have our work to do; life or death is the care of + him who sets the work." + </p> + <p> + The doctor bent his head low, lower, and lower still, before + her. Nothing moves a man more than to recognize in another + the principles which are to himself a necessity of his being + and history. + </p> + <p> + "I put the question to know on what grounds you based your + action," he replied, "and I am answered." + </p> + <p> + "Tell me then," said Hester, "how you came to be here. It + seemed to my sleepy eyes as if an angel had melted his own + door through the wall! Are you free of ordinary hindrances?" + She asked almost in seriousness; for, with the lovely dead + before her, in the middle of the night, roused suddenly from + a sleep into which she had fallen with her thoughts full of + the shining resurrection of the Lord, she would have believed + him at once if he had told her that for the service of the + Lord's poor he was enabled to pass where he pleased. He + smiled with a wonderful sweetness as he made answer: + </p> + <p> + "I hope you are not one of those who so little believe that + the world and its ways belong to God, that they want to have + his presence proved by something out of the usual + way—something not so good; for surely the way He + chooses to work almost always, must be a better way than that + in which he only works now and then because of a special + necessity!" + </p> + <p> + By these words Hester perceived she was in the presence of + one who understood the things of which he spoke. + </p> + <p> + "I came here in the simplest way in the world," he went on, + "though I am no less surprised than you to find myself in + your presence." + </p> + <p> + "The thing is to me a marvel," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "It shall not be such a moment longer. I was called to see a + patient. When I went to return as I came, I found the door by + which I had entered locked. I then remembered that I had + passed a door on the stair, and went back to try it. It was + bolted on the side to the stair. I withdrew the bolts, opened + the door gently, and beheld one of the most impressive sights + I ever saw. Shall I tell you what I saw?" + </p> + <p> + "Do," answered Hester. + </p> + <p> + "I saw," said Christopher with solemnity, "the light shining + in the darkness, and the darkness comprehending it + not—six candles, and only the up-turned face of the + dead, and the down-turned face of the sleeping! I seemed to + look into the heart of things, and see the whole waste + universe waiting for the sonship, for the redemption of the + body, the visible life of men! I saw that love, trying to + watch by death, had failed, because the thing that is not + needs not to be watched. I saw all this and more. I think I + must have unconsciously pushed the door against the wall, for + somehow I made a noise with it, and you woke." + </p> + <p> + Hester's face alone showed that she understood him. She + turned and looked at Moxy to calm the emotion to which she + would not give scope. + </p> + <p> + Christopher stood silent, as if brooding on what he had seen. + She could not ask him to sit down, but she must understand + how he had got into the house. Where was his patient? "In the + next house, of course!" she concluded. But the thing wanted + looking into! That door must be secured on their side? Their + next midnight visitor might not be so welcome as this, whose + heart burned to the same labour as her own! "But what we + really want," she thought, "is to have more not fewer of our + doors open, if they be but the right ones for the angels to + come and go!" + </p> + <p> + "I never saw that door open before," she said, "and none of + us knew where it led. We took it for granted it was into the + next house, but the old lady was so cross,—" + </p> + <p> + Here she checked herself; for if Mr. Christopher had just + come from that house, he might be a friend of the old lady's! + </p> + <p> + "It goes into no lady's house, so far as I understand," said + Christopher. "The stair leads to a garret—I should + fancy over our heads here—much higher up, though." + </p> + <p> + "Would you show me how you came in?" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "With pleasure," he answered, and taking one of the candles, + led the way. + </p> + <p> + "I would not let the young woman leave her husband to show me + out," he went on. "When I found myself a prisoner, I thought + I would try this door before periling the sleep of a patient + in the small-pox. You seem to have it all round you here!" + </p> + <p> + Through the door so long mysterious Hester stepped on a + narrow, steep stair. Christopher turned downward, and trod + softly. At the bottom he passed through a door admitting them + to a small cellar, a mere recess. Thence they issued into + that so lately occupied by the Frankses. Christopher went to + the door Hester had locked, and said, + </p> + <p> + "This is where I came in. I suppose one of your people must + have locked it." + </p> + <p> + "I locked it myself," replied Hester, and told him in brief + the story of the evening. + </p> + <p> + "I see!" said Christopher; "we must have passed through just + after you had taken them away." + </p> + <p> + "And now the question remains," said Hester, "—who can + it be in our house without our knowledge? The stair is + plainly in our house." + </p> + <p> + "Beyond a doubt," said Christopher. "But how strange it is + you should know your own house so imperfectly! I fancy the + young couple, having got into some difficulty, found entrance + the same way the Frankses did; only they went farther and + fared better!—to the top of the house, I mean. They've + managed to make themselves pretty comfortable too! There is + something peculiar about them—I can hardly say what in + a word." + </p> + <p> + "Could I not go up with you to-morrow and see them!" said + Hester. + </p> + <p> + "That would hardly do, I fear. I could be of no farther use + to them were they to suppose I had betrayed them. You have a + perfect right to know what is going on in your house, but I + would rather not appear in the discovery. One thing is plain, + you must either go to them, or unlock the cellar-door. You + will be taken with the young woman. She is a capable + creature—an excellent nurse. Shall I go out this way?" + </p> + <p> + "Will you come to-morrow?" said Hester. "I am alone, and + cannot ask anybody to help me because of the small-pox; and I + shall want help for the funeral. You do not think me + troublesome?" + </p> + <p> + "Not in the least. It is all in the way of my business. I + will manage for you." + </p> + <p> + "Come then; I will show you the way out. This is no. 18, + Addison square. You need not come in the cellar-way next + time." + </p> + <p> + "If I were you," said Christopher, stopping at the foot of + the kitchen stair, "I would leave the key in that + cellar-door. The poor young woman would be terrified to find + they were prisoners." + </p> + <p> + She turned immediately and went back, he following, and + replaced the key. + </p> + <p> + "Now let us fasten up the door I came in by," said + Christopher. "I have got a screw in my pocket, and I never go + without my tool-knife." + </p> + <p> + This was soon done, and he went. + </p> + <p> + What a strange night it had been for Hester—more like + some unbelievable romance! For the time she had forgotten her + own troubles! Ah, if she had been of one mind with lord + Gartley, those poor creatures would be now moaning in + darkness by the dead body of their child, or out with it in + their arms in the streets, or parted asunder in the casual + wards of some workhouse! Certainly God could have sent them + other help than hers, but where would <i>she</i> be + then—a fellow-worker with his lordship, and not with + God—one who did it not to <i>him</i>! Woe for the wife + whose husband has no regard to her deepest desires, her + highest aspirations!—who loves her so that he would be + the god of her idolatry, not the friend and helper of her + heart, soul, and mind! Many of Hester's own thoughts were + revealed to her that night by the side of the dead Moxy. It + became clear to her that she had been led astray, in part by + the desire to rescue one to whom God had not sent her, in + part by the pleasure of being loved and worshipped, and in + part by worldly ambition. Surer sign would God have sent her + had he intended she should give herself to Gartley! Would God + have her give herself to one who would render it impossible + for her to make life more abundant to others? Marriage might + be the absorbing duty of some women, but was it necessarily + hers? Certainly not with such a man? Might not the duties of + some callings be incompatible with marriage? Did not the + providence of the world ordain that not a few should go + unmarried? The children of the married would be but ill cared + for were there only the married to care for them! It was one + thing to die for a man—another to enslave God's child + to the will of one who did not know him! Was a husband to + take the place of Christ, and order her life for her? Was man + enough for woman? Did she not need God? It came to that! Was + he or God to be her master? It grew clearer and clearer as + she watched by the dead. There was, there could be no + relation of life over which the Lord of life was not supreme! + That this or that good woman could do this or that faithless + or mean thing, was nothing to her! What might be unavoidable + to one less instructed, would be sin in her! The other might + heed the sufferings and confusions that resulted; but for her + must remain a fearful looking for of judgment and fiery + indignation! + </p> + <p> + When the morning came and she heard Sarah stirring, she sent + her to take her place, and went to get a little rest. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch45"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLV. + </h2> + <h3> + MORE YET. + </h3> + <p> + But she could not sleep. She rose, went back to the room + where the dead Moxy lay, and sent Sarah to get breakfast + ready. Then came upon her an urgent desire to know the people + who had come, like swallows, to tenant, without leave asked, + the space overhead. She undid the screw, opened the door, and + stole gently up the stair, steep, narrow and straight, which + ran the height of the two rooms between two walls. A long way + up she came to another door, and peeping through a chink in + it, saw that it admitted to the small orchestra high in the + end-wall of the great room. Probably then the stair and the + room below had been an arrangement for the musicians. + </p> + <p> + Going higher yet, till she all but reached the roof, the + stair brought her to a door. She knocked. No sound of + approaching foot followed, but after some little delay it was + opened by a young woman, with her finger on her lip, and + something of a scared look in her eye. She had expected to + see the doctor, and started and trembled at sight of Hester. + There was little light where she stood, but Hester could not + help feeling as if she had not merely seen her somewhere + before. She came out on the landing and shut the door behind + her. + </p> + <p> + "He is very ill," she said; "and he hears a strange voice + even in his sleep. A strange voice is dreadful to him." + </p> + <p> + Her voice was not strange, and the moment she spoke it seemed + to light up her face: Hester, with a pang she could scarcely + have accounted for, recognized Amy Amber. + </p> + <p> + "Amy!" she said. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Miss Raymount!" cried Amy joyfully, "is it indeed you? + Are you come at last? I thought I was never to see you any + more!" + </p> + <p> + "You bewilder me," said Hester. "How do you come to be here? + I don't understand." + </p> + <p> + "<i>He</i> brought me here." + </p> + <p> + "<i>Who</i> brought you here?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, miss!" exclaimed Amy, as if hearing the most unexpected + of questions, "who should it be?" + </p> + <p> + "I have not the slightest idea," returned Hester. + </p> + <p> + But the same instant a feeling strangely mingled of alarm, + discomfort, indignation, and relief crossed her mind. + </p> + <p> + Through her whiteness Amy turned whiter still, and she turned + a little away, like a person offended. + </p> + <p> + "There is but one, miss!" she said coldly. "Who should it be + but him?" + </p> + <p> + "Speak his name," said Hester almost sternly. "This is no + time for hide-and-seek. Tell me whom you mean." + </p> + <p> + "Are you angry with me?" faltered Amy. "Oh, Miss Raymount, I + don't think I deserve it!" + </p> + <p> + "Speak out, child! Why should I be angry with you?" + </p> + <p> + "Do you know what it is?—Oh, I hardly know what I am + saying! He is dying! he is dying!" + </p> + <p> + She sank on the floor, and covered her face with her hands. + Hester stood a moment and looked at her weeping, her heart + filled with sad dismay, mingled with a kind of wan hope. Then + softly and quickly she opened the door of the room and went + in. + </p> + <p> + Amy started to her feet, but too late to prevent her, and + followed trembling, afraid to speak, but relieved to find + that Hester moved so noiselessly. + </p> + <p> + It was a great room, but the roof came down to the floor + nearly all round. It was lighted only with a skylight. In the + farthest corner was a screen. Hester crept gently towards it, + and Amy after her, not attempting to stop her. She came to + the screen and peeped behind it. There lay a young man in a + troubled sleep, his face swollen and red and blotched with + the small-pox; but through the disfigurement she recognized + her brother. Her eyes filled with tears; she turned away, and + stole out again as softly as she came in. Amy had been + looking up at her anxiously; when she saw the tenderness of + her look, she gathered courage and followed her. Outside, + Hester stopped, and Amy again closed the door. + </p> + <p> + "You <i>will</i> forgive him, won't you, miss?" she said + pitifully, + </p> + <p> + "What do you want me to forgive him for, Amy?" asked Hester, + suppressing her tears. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know, miss. You seemed angry with him. I don't know + what to make of it. Sometimes I feel certain it must have + been his illness coming on that made him weak in his head and + talk foolishness; and sometimes I wonder whether he has + really been doing anything wrong." + </p> + <p> + "He must have been doing something wrong, else how should + <i>you</i> be here, Amy?" said Hester with hasty judgment. + </p> + <p> + "He never told me, miss: or of course I would have done what + I could to prevent it," answered Amy, bewildered. "We were so + happy, miss, till then! and we've never had a moment's peace + since! That's why we came here—to be where nobody would + find us. I wonder how he came to know the place!" + </p> + <p> + "Do <i>you</i> not know where you are then, Amy?" + </p> + <p> + "No, miss; not in the least. I only know where to buy the + things we need. He has not been out once since we came." + </p> + <p> + "You are in our house, Amy. What will my father + say!—How long have you—have you been—" + </p> + <p> + Something in her heart or her throat prevented Hester from + finishing the sentence. + </p> + <p> + "How long have I been married to him, miss? You surely know + that as well as I do, miss!" + </p> + <p> + "My poor Amy! Did he make you believe we knew about it?" + </p> + <p> + Amy gave a cry, but after her old way instantly crammed her + handkerchief into her mouth, and uttered no further smallest + sound. + </p> + <p> + "Alas!" said Hester, "I fear he has been more wicked than we + know! But, Amy, he has done something besides very wrong." + </p> + <p> + Amy covered her face with her apron, through which Hester + could see her soundless sobs. + </p> + <p> + "I have been doing what I could to find him," continued + Hester, "and here he was close to me all the time! But it + adds greatly to my misery to find you with him, Amy!" + </p> + <p> + "Indeed, miss, I may have been silly; but how was I to + suspect he was not telling me the truth? I loved him too much + for that! I told him I would not marry him without he had his + father's leave. And he pretended he had got it, and read me + such a beautiful letter from his mother! Oh, miss, it breaks + my heart to think of it!" + </p> + <p> + A new fear came upon Hester: had he deceived the poor girl + with a pretended marriage? Was he bad through and through? + What her father would say to a marriage, was hard to think; + what he would say to a deception, she knew! That he would + like such a marriage, she could ill imagine; but might not + the sense of escape from an alternative reconcile him to it? + </p> + <p> + Such thoughts passed swiftly through her mind as she stood + half turned from Amy, looking down the deep stair that sank + like a precipice before her. She heard nothing, but Amy + started and turned to the door. She was following her, when + Amy said, in a voice almost of terror, + </p> + <p> + "Please, miss, do not let him see you till I have told him + you are here." + </p> + <p> + "Certainly not," answered Hester, and drew back,—"if + you think the sight of me would hurt him!" + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, miss; I am sure it would," whispered Amy. "He is + frightened of you." + </p> + <p> + "Frightened of me!" said Hester to herself, repeating Amy's + phrase, when she had gone in, leaving her at the head of the + stair. "I should have thought he only disliked me! I wonder + if he would have loved me a little, if he had not been afraid + of me! Perhaps I could have made him if I had tried. It is + easier then to wake fear than love!" + </p> + <p> + It may be very well for a nature like Corney's to fear a + father: fear does come in for some good where love is + wanting: but I doubt if fear of a sister can be of any good. + </p> + <p> + "If he couldn't love me," thought Hester, "it would have been + better he hadn't been afraid of me. Now comes the time when + it renders me unable to help him!" + </p> + <p> + When first it began to dawn upon Hester that there was in her + a certain hardness of character distinct in its nature from + that unbending devotion to the right which is + imperative—belonging in truth to the region of her + weakness—that self which fears for itself, and is of + death, not of life. But she was one of those who, when they + discover a thing in them that is wrong, take refuge in the + immediate endeavour to set it right—with the conviction + that God is on their side to help them: for wherein, if not + therein, is he God our Saviour? + </p> + <p> + She went down to the house, to get everything she could think + of to make the place more comfortable: it would be long + before the patient could be moved. In particular she sought + out a warm fur cloak for Amy. Poor Amy! she was but the + shadow of her former self, but a shadow very pretty and + pleasant to look on. Hester's heart was sore to think of such + a bright, good honest creature married to a man like her + brother. But she was sure however credulous she might have + been, she had done nothing to be ashamed of. Where there was + blame it must all be Corney's! + </p> + <p> + It was with feelings still strangely mingled of hope and + dismay, that, having carried everything she could at the time + up the stair, she gave herself to the comfort of her other + guests. + </p> + <p> + Left alone in London, Corney had gone idly ranging about the + house when another man would have been reading, or doing + something with his hands. Curious in correspondent proportion + to his secrecy, for the qualities go together, the moment he + happened to cast his eyes on the door in the wainscot of the + low room, no one being in the house to interfere with him, he + proceeded to open it. He little thought then what his + discovery would be to him, for at that time he had done + nothing to make him fear his fellow-men. But he kept the + secret after his kind. + </p> + <p> + Contriving often to meet Amy, he had grown rapidly more and + more fond of her—became indeed as much in love with her + as was possible to him; and though the love of such a man can + never be of a lofty kind, it may yet be the best thing in + him, and the most redemptive power upon him. Without a notion + of denying himself anything he desired and could possibly + have, he determined she should be his, but from fear as well + as tortuosity, avoided the direct way of gaining her: the + straight line would not, he judged, be the shortest: his + father would never, or only after unendurable delay, consent + to his marriage with a girl like Amy! How things might have + gone had he not found her even unable to receive a thought + that would have been dishonorable to him, and had he not come + to pride himself on her simplicity and purity, I cannot say; + but he contrived to persuade her to a private + marriage—contrived also to prevent her from + communicating with her sister. + </p> + <p> + His desire to please her, his passion for showing off, and + the preparations his design seemed to render necessary, soon + brought him into straits for money. He could not ask his + father, who would have insisted on knowing how it was that he + found his salary insufficient, seeing he was at no expense + for maintenance, having only to buy his clothes. He went on + and on, hiding his eyes from the approach of the "armed man," + till he was in his grasp, and positively in want of a + shilling. Then he borrowed, and went on borrowing small sums + from those about him, till he was ashamed to borrow more. The + next thing was to <i>borrow</i> a trifle of what was passing + through his hands. He was merely borrowing, and of his own + uncle! It was a shame his uncle should have so much and leave + him in such straits!—be rolling in wealth and pay him + such a contemptible salary! It was the height of injustice! + Of course he would replace it long before any one knew! Thus + by degrees the poor weak creature, deluding himself with + excuses, slipped into the consciousness of being a rogue. + There are some, I suspect, who fall into vice from being so + satisfied with themselves that they scorn to think it + possible they should ever do wrong. + </p> + <p> + He went on taking and taking until at last he was obliged to + confess to himself that there was no possibility of making + restoration before the time when his <i>borrowing</i> must be + embezzlement. Then in a kind of cold despair he laid hold + upon a large sum and left the bank an unconvicted felon. What + story he told Amy, to whom he was by this time married, I do + not know; but once convinced of the necessity for + concealment, she was as careful as himself. He brought her to + their refuge by the back way. She went and came only through + the cellar, and knew no other entrance. When they found that, + through Amy's leaving the door unfastened when she went to + buy, there being no way of securing it from the outside, + others had taken refuge in the cellar, they dared not, for + fear of attracting attention to themselves, warn them off the + premises. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch46"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLVI. + </h2> + <h3> + AMY AND CORNEY. + </h3> + <p> + The Frankses remained at rest until the funeral was over, and + then Hester would have father and sons go out to follow their + calling, while the mother and she did what could be done for + the ailing baby, who could not linger long behind Moxy. + </p> + <p> + Hester had a little money of her own—not much, but + enough to restore to decency, with the help of the wife's + fingers, the wardrobe of the family. For the present she + would not let them leave the house; she must have them in + better condition first, and with a little money in their + pockets of their own earning. And the very first day, though + they went out with heavy hearts, and could hardly have played + with much spirit, they brought home more money than any day + for weeks before. And Franks as he walked home weary, took + some comfort that his Moxy was not with him to trouble his + mother with his white face and drawn look. + </p> + <p> + The same day lord Gartley called, but was informed by Sarah, + who opened the door but a chink, that the small-pox was in + the house, and that she could admit no one but the doctor. To + his exclamation she made answer that her young mistress was + perfectly well, but could and would see nobody—was in + attendance upon the sick. So his lordship was compelled to go + without seeing her, not without a haunting doubt that he was + being played upon, and she did not want to see him. + </p> + <p> + As had happened more than once before, soon after he was gone + the major made his appearance. To him Sarah gave the same + answer, adding by her mistress's directions, that in the + meantime there was no occasion to prosecute inquiry about Mr. + Cornelius, for it was all—as Sarah put + it—explained, and her mistress would write to him. + </p> + <p> + But what was Hester to tell her father and mother? Until she + knew with certainty the fact of her marriage, she shrank from + mentioning Amy; and at present it was impossible to find out + anything from Cornelius. She merely wrote, therefore, that + she had found him, but very ill; that she would take the best + care of him she could, and as soon as he was able to be + moved, bring him home to be nursed by his mother. + </p> + <p> + The great room was for the mean time given over to the + Frankses. The wife kept everything tidy, and they managed + things their own way. Hester made inquiry now and then, to be + sure they were having everything they wanted, but left them + to provide for themselves. + </p> + <p> + She did her best to help Amy without letting her brother + suspect her presence, and by degrees she got the room more + comfortable for them. Corney had indeed taken a good many + things from the house to make habitable the waste expanse, + but had been careful not to take anything Sarah would miss. + </p> + <p> + He was covered with the terrible eruption, and if he + survived, which again and again seemed doubtful, would + probably be much changed, for Amy could not keep his hands + from his face: in trifles the lack of self-restraint is + manifested, and its consequences are sometimes grievous. + </p> + <p> + Hitherto Hester had not let her parents quite know how ill he + was—for what may seem a far-fetched reason—not to + save them from anxiety, but to save her mother from hearing + his father say, the best thing he could do would be to die. + Nor was she mistaken: many a time had her father said so to + himself. It was simply impossible, he said, that he should + ever again speak to him or in any way treat him as a son. He + had by his vile conduct ceased to be a son, and he was nowise + bound to do anything more for him; though, from mere + compassion, he would keep him from starving till he got some + employment to which no character was necessary. + </p> + <p> + He began at last to recover, but it was long before he could + be treated otherwise than as a child—so feeble was he, + and so unreasonable. The first time he saw and knew Hester, + he closed his eyes and turned away his head as if he would + have no more of that apparition. She retired; but, watching, + presently saw him, in his own sly way, looking through half + closed lids to know whether she was gone. When he saw Amy + where Hester had stood, his face beamed up. "Amy," he said, + "come here;" and when she went, he took her hand and laid it + on his cheek, little knowing what a disfigured cheek it was. + </p> + <p> + "Thank God!" said Hester to herself: she had never seen him + look so sweet or loving or lovable, despite his + disfigurement. + </p> + <p> + She took care not to show herself again till he should be a + little accustomed to the idea of her presence. + </p> + <p> + The more she saw of Amy the better she liked her. She treated + her patient with so much good sense, showed such a readiness + to subordinate her ignorance to the wisdom of others, and + such a careful obedience to the directions of the doctor, + that she rose every day in Hester's opinion, as well as found + a yet deeper place in her heart. + </p> + <p> + His lordship wrote, making an apology for anything he had + said, from anxiety about one whom he loved to distraction, in + which he might have presumed on the closeness of their + relation to each other. He would gladly talk the whole matter + over with her as soon as she gave him leave. For his part he + had not a moment's doubt that her good sense, relieved from + the immediate pressure of her feelings, which were in + themselves but too divine for the needs of this world, would + convince her of the reasonableness of all he had sought to + urge upon her. As soon as she was able, and judged it safe to + admit a visitor, his aunt would be happy to call upon her. + </p> + <p> + For the present, as he knew she would not admit him, he would + content himself with frequent and most anxious inquiries + after her, reserving argument and expostulation for a + happier, and, he hoped, not very distant time. + </p> + <p> + Hester smiled a curious smile at the prospect of a call from + Miss Vavasor: was she actually going to plead her nephew's + cause? + </p> + <p> + As her brother grew better, and things became easier, the + thought of lord Gartley came oftener, with something of the + old feeling for the man himself, but mingled with sadness and + a strange pity. She would never have been able to do anything + for him! It had been in her spiritual presumption to think + she could save him by the preciousness of her self-gift to + him and the strength of her power over him! + </p> + <p> + If God cannot save a man by all his good gifts, not even by + the gift of a woman offered to his higher nature, but by that + refused, the woman's giving of herself a slave to his lower + nature can only make him the more unredeemable; while the + withholding of herself may do something—may at least, + as the years go on, wake in him some sense of what a fool he + had been. The man who would go to the dogs for lack of the + woman he fancies, will go to the dogs when he has + her—may possibly drag her to the dogs with him. + </p> + <p> + Hester began to see something of this. She recalled how she + had never once gained from him a satisfactory reply to + anything she said worth saying; she had in her foolishness + supplied from her own imagination the defective echoes of his + response! Love had made her apt and able to do this; but now + that she had yielded entrance to doubt, she saw many things + otherwise than before. She loved the man enough to die for + him: she would not have one moment hesitated about that; but + it was quite another thing to marry him! It was her brother + now she had to save! His dear, good little wife was doing all + she could for him, but it would take sister and mother and + all to save him! She could not do so much for him as Amy now, + but by and by there would be his father to meditate with: to + that she would give her energy! + </p> + <p> + But his poor mother! would she recognize him—so + terribly scarred and changed? He might in time, being young, + grow more like himself, but now he was not pleasant to look + upon. Some men are as vain as any women, and Corney was one + of those some. While pretending to despise the kindest word + concerning his good looks, he had taken the greatest pleasure + in them; and the first time he saw himself in a mirror, the + look of dismay, of despairing horror that came over his face + was as pitiful as it was ludicrous. He had been accustomed to + regard himself as one superior on most grounds, on that of + good looks in particular, to any one he knew—and now! + He could not but admit that he was nothing less than + unpleasant to behold—must be so even to those who loved + him! It was a pain that in itself could do little to cast out + the evil spirit that possessed him, but it was something that + that evil spirit, while it remained in him, should be + deprived of one source of its nourishment. It was a good + thing that from any cause the transgressor should find his + ways hard. He dashed the glass from him, and burst into tears + which he did not even try to conceal. + </p> + <p> + It was notable that from that time he was more dejected, and + less peevish; and this latter might not be only from + returning health, for he had always been more or less peevish + at home, where he never thought of cultivating the same + conception or idea of himself as before the eyes of the + world. Much of supposed goodness is merely a looking of the + thing men would like to be considered—originating + doubtless sometimes in an admiration of, perhaps in a vague + wish to be that thing, but unaccompanied of desire or + strength enough to rouse the smallest endeavour after being + it. Still Hester found it difficult to bear with his + remaining peevishness and bad temper, knowing what he had + made of himself, and that he knew she must know it; but at + such hard moments she had the good sense to leave him to the + soothing ministrations of his wife. Amy never set herself + against him: first of all she would show him that she + understood what was troubling him: then would say something + sympathetic, or petting, or coaxing, and always had her way + with him. She had the great advantage that not yet had he + once quarrelled with her. + </p> + <p> + That gave a ground of hope for her influence with him that + his sister had long lost. God had made Amy so that she had + less trouble from selfishness than all but a few people. + Hester, more than Amy, felt her own rights, and was ready to + be indignant. She would have far more trouble than Amy in + getting rid of the self-asserting self in her, which closes + the door against heaven's divinest gifts. In Hester it was no + doubt associated with a loftier nature, and the harder + victory would have its greater reward, but until finally + conquered it must continue to obstruct her walk in the true + way. So Hester learned from the sweetness of Amy, as Amy from + the unbending principle of Hester. + </p> + <p> + She at last made up her mind that she would take Cornelius + home without giving her father the opportunity of saying he + should not come. She would presume that he must go home after + such an illness: the result she would wait! The meeting could + in no case be a happy one, but if he were not altogether + repulsed, if the mean devil in him was not thoroughly roused + by the harshness of his father, she would think much had been + gained! + </p> + <p> + With gentle watchfulness she regarded Amy, and was more and + more satisfied that, whatever might be wrong, she had had a + share in it not as one who did, but as one who endured wrong. + The sweetness and devotion with which she seemed to live only + for her husband was to Hester, who found it impossible to + take such a position even in imagination towards Gartley, in + her tenderer moments almost a rebuke. But she could not + believe that had Amy known before she married him what kind + of person Cornelius was, she would have given herself to him. + She did not think how nearly the man she had once accepted + stood on the same level of manhood. But Amy was the wife of + Cornelius, and that made an eternal difference. Her duty was + as plain as Hester's—and the same—to do the best + for him! + </p> + <p> + When he was able to be moved, Hester brought them into the + house, and placed them in a comfortable room. She then moved + the Frankses into the room they had left, making it over to + them, subject to her father's pleasure, for a time at least. + With their own entrance through the cellar, they were to live + there after their own fashion, and follow their own calling, + only they were to let Hester know if they found themselves in + any difficulty. And now for the first time in her life she + wished she had some means of her own, that she might act with + freedom. She had seen hope of freedom in marriage, but now + she wished it in independence. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch47"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLVII. + </h2> + <h3> + MISS VAVASOR. + </h3> + <p> + About three weeks after lord Gartley's call, during which he + had left a good many cards in Addison square, Hester received + the following letter from Miss Vavasor: "My dear Miss + Raymount, I am very anxious to see you, but fear it is hardly + safe to go to you yet. You with your heavenly spirit do not + regard such things, but I am not so much in love with the + future as to risk my poor present for it. Neither would I + willingly be the bearer of infection into my own circle: I am + not so selfish as to be careless about that. But communicate + with you somehow I must, and that for your own sake as well + as Gartley's who is pining away for lack of the sunlight of + your eyes. I throw myself entirely on your judgment. If you + tell me you consider yourself out of quarantine, I will come + to you at once; if you do not, will you propose something, + for meet we must." + </p> + <p> + Hester pondered well before returning an answer. She could + hardly say, she replied, that there was no danger, for her + brother, who had been ill, was yet in the house, too weak for + the journey to Yrndale. She would rather suggest, therefore, + that they should meet in some quiet corner of one of the + parks. She need hardly add she would take every precaution + against carrying infection. + </p> + <p> + The proposal proved acceptable to Miss Vavasor. She wrote + suggesting time and place. Hester agreed, and they met. + </p> + <p> + Hester appeared on foot, having had to dismiss her cab at the + gate; Miss Vavasor, who had remained seated in her carriage; + got down as soon as she saw her, and having sent it away, + advanced to meet her with a smile: she was perfect in + skin-hospitality. + </p> + <p> + "How long is it now," she began, "since you saw Gartley?" + </p> + <p> + "Three weeks or a month," replied Hester. + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid, sadly afraid, you cannot be much of a lover, + not to have seen him for so long and look so fresh!" smiled + Miss Vavasor, with gently implied reproach, and followed the + words with a sigh, as if <i>she</i> had memories of a + different complexion. + </p> + <p> + "When one has one's work to do,—" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, yes!" returned Miss Vavasor, not waiting for the + sentence, "I understand you have some peculiar ideas about + work. That kind of thing is spreading very much in our circle + too. I know many ladies who visit the poor. They complain + there are so few unobjectionable tracts to give them. The + custom came in with these Woman's-rights. I fear they will + upset everything before long. But I hope the world will last + my time. No one can tell where such things will end." + </p> + <p> + "No," replied Hester. "Nothing has ever stopped yet." + </p> + <p> + "Is that as much as to say that nothing ever will stop?" + </p> + <p> + "I think it is something like it," said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "We know nothing about the ends of things—only the + beginnings." + </p> + <p> + There had been an air of gentle raillery in Miss Vavasor's + tone, and Hester used the same, for she had no hope of coming + to an understanding with her about anything. + </p> + <p> + "Then the sooner we do the better! I don't see else how + things are to go on at all!" said Miss Vavasor, revealing the + drop of Irish blood in her. + </p> + <p> + "When the master comes he will stop a good deal," thought + Hester, but she did not say it. She could not allude to such + things without at least a possibility of response. + </p> + <p> + "You and Gartley had a small misunderstanding, he tells me, + the last time you met," continued Miss Vavasor, after a short + pause. + </p> + <p> + "I think not," answered Hester; "at least I fancy I + understood him very well." + </p> + <p> + "My dear Miss Raymount, you must not be offended with me. I + am an old woman, and have had to compose differences that had + got in the way of their happiness between goodness knows how + many couples. I am not boasting when I say I have had + considerable experience in that sort of thing." + </p> + <p> + "I do not doubt it," said Hester. "What I do doubt is, that + you have had any experience of the sort necessary to set + things right between lord Gartley and myself. The fact is, + for I will be perfectly open with you, that I saw + then—for the first time plainly, that to marry him + would be to lose my liberty." + </p> + <p> + "Not more, my dear, than every woman does who marries at all. + I presume you will allow marriage and its duties to be the + natural calling of a woman?" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly." + </p> + <p> + "Then she ought not to complain of the loss of her liberty." + </p> + <p> + "Not of so much as is naturally involved in <i>marriage</i>, + I allow." + </p> + <p> + "Then why draw back from your engagement to Gartley?" + </p> + <p> + "Because he requires me to turn away at once, and before any + necessity shows itself, from the exercise of a higher calling + yet." + </p> + <p> + "I am not aware of any higher calling." + </p> + <p> + "I am. God has given me gifts to use for my fellows, and use + them I must till he, not man, stops me. That is my calling." + </p> + <p> + "But you know that of necessity a woman must give up many + things when she accepts the position of a wife, and possibly + the duties of a mother." + </p> + <p> + "The natural claims upon a wife or mother I would heartily + acknowledge." + </p> + <p> + "Then of course to the duties of a wife belong the claims + Society has upon her as a wife." + </p> + <p> + "So far as I yet know what is meant in your circle by such + claims, I count them the merest usurpations: I will never + subject myself to such—never put myself in a position + where I should be expected to obey a code of laws not merely + opposed to the work for which I was made, but to all the laws + of the relations to each other of human beings as human + beings." + </p> + <p> + "I do not quite understand you," said Miss Vavasor. + </p> + <p> + "Well, for instance," returned Hester, willing to give the + question a general bearing, "a mother in your class, + according at least to much that I have heard, considers the + duties she owes to society, duties that consist in what looks + to me the merest dissipation and killing of time, as + paramount even to those of a mother. Because of those + 'traditions of men,' or fancies of fashionable women rather, + she justifies herself in leaving her children in the nursery + to the care of other women—the vulgarest sometimes." + </p> + <p> + "Not knowingly," said Miss Vavasor. "We are all liable to + mistakes." + </p> + <p> + "But certainly," insisted Hester, "without taking the pains + necessary to know for themselves the characters of those to + whom they trust the children God has given to their charge; + whereas to abandon them to the care of angels themselves + would be to go against the laws of nature and the calling of + God." + </p> + <p> + Miss Vavasor began to think it scarcely desirable to bring a + woman of such levelling opinions into their quiet circle: she + would be preaching next that women were wicked who did not + nurse their own brats! But she would be faithful to Gartley! + </p> + <p> + "To set up as reformers would be to have the whole hive about + our ears," she said. + </p> + <p> + "That may be," replied Hester, "but it does not apply to me. + I keep the beam out of my own eye which I have no hope of + pulling out of my neighhour's. I do not belong to your set." + </p> + <p> + "But you are about to belong to it, I hope." + </p> + <p> + "I hope not." + </p> + <p> + "You are engaged to marry my nephew." + </p> + <p> + "Not irrevocably, I trust." + </p> + <p> + "You should have thought of all that before you gave your + consent. Gartley thought you understood. Certainly our circle + is not one for saints." + </p> + <p> + "Honest women would be good enough for me. But I thought I + had done and said more than was necessary to make Gartley + understand my ideas of what was required of me in life, and I + thought he sympathized with me so far at least that he would + be what help to me he could. Now I find instead of this, that + he never believed I meant what I said, but all the time + intended to put a stop to the aspiration of my life the + moment he had it in his power to do so." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, my dear young lady, you do not know what love is!" said + Miss Vavasor, and sighed again as if <i>she</i> knew what + love was. And in truth she had been in love at least once in + her youth, but had yielded without word of remonstrance when + her parents objected to her marrying three hundred a year, + and a curacy of <i>fifty</i>. She saw it was reasonable: what + fellowship can light have with darkness, or love with + starvation? "A woman really in love," she went on, "is ready + to give up everything, yes, my dear, <i>everything</i> for + the man she loves. She who is not equal to that, does not + know what love is." + </p> + <p> + "Suppose he should prove unworthy of her?" + </p> + <p> + "That would be nothing, positively nothing. If she had once + learned to love him she would see no fault in him." + </p> + <p> + "<i>Whatever</i> faults he might have?" + </p> + <p> + "Whatever faults: love has no second thoughts." + </p> + <p> + "Suppose he were to show himself regardless of her best + welfare—caring for her only as an adjunct to his + display?" + </p> + <p> + "If she loved him, I only say <i>if she loved him</i>, she + would be proud to follow in his triumph. His glory is hers." + </p> + <p> + "Whether it be real or not?" + </p> + <p> + "If he counts it so. A woman who loves gives herself to her + husband to be moulded by him." + </p> + <p> + "I fear that is the way men think of us," said Hester, sadly; + "and no doubt there are women whose behaviour would justify + them in it. With all my heart I say a woman ought to be ready + to die for the man she loves; that is a matter of course; she + cannot really love him if she would not; but that she should + fall in with all his thoughts, feelings, and judgments + whatever, even such as in others she would most heartily + despise; that she should act as if her husband and not God + made her, and his whims, instead of the lovely will of him + who created man and woman, were to be to her the bonds of her + being—that surely no woman could grant who had not + first lost her reason." + </p> + <p> + "You won't lose yours for love at least," concluded Miss + Vavasor, who could not help admiring her ability, though she + despised the direction it took. "I see," she said to herself, + "she is one of the strong-minded who think themselves + superior to any man. Gartley will be well rid of + her—that is my conviction! I think I have done nearly + all he could require of me." + </p> + <p> + "I tell you honestly," continued Hester, "I love lord Gartley + so well that I would gladly yield my life to do him any + worthy good."—"It is easy to talk," said Miss Vavasor + to herself.—"Not that that is saying much," Hester went + on, "for I would do that to redeem any human creature from + the misery of living without God. I would even marry lord + Gartley—I think I would, after what has passed—if + only I knew that he would not try to prevent me from being + the woman I ought to be and have to be;—perhaps I + would—I am not clear about it just at this moment: + never, if I were married to him, would I be so governed by + him that he should do that! But who would knowingly marry for + strife and debate? Who would deliberately add to the + difficulties of being what she ought to be, what she desired, + and was determined, with God's help, to be! I for one will + not take an enemy into the house of my life. I will not make + it a hypocrisy to say, 'Lead us not into temptation.' I grant + you a wife must love her husband grandly'—passionately, + if you like the word; but there is one to be loved + immeasurably more grandly, yea <i>passionately</i>, if the + word means anything true and good in love—he whose love + creates love. Can you for a moment imagine, when the question + came between my Lord and my husband, I would hesitate?" + </p> + <p> + "'Tis a pity you were not born in the middle ages," said Miss + Vavasor, smiling, but with a touch of gentle scorn in the + superiority of her tone; "you would certainly have been + canonized!" + </p> + <p> + "But now I am sadly out of date—am I not?" returned + Hester, trying to smile also. + </p> + <p> + "I could no more consent to live in God's world without + minding what he told me, than I would marry a man merely + because he admired me." + </p> + <p> + "Heavens," exclaimed Miss Vavasor to what she called herself, + "what an extravagant young woman! She won't do for us! You'll + have to let her fly, my dear boy!" + </p> + <p> + What she said to Hester was, + </p> + <p> + "Don't you think, my dear, all that sounds a + little—just a little extravagant? You know as well as I + do—you have just confessed it—that the kind of + thing is out of date—does not belong to the world of + to-day. And when a thing is once of the past, it cannot be + called back, do what you will. Nothing will ever bring in + that kind of thing again. It is all very well to go to church + and that sort of thing; I should be the last to encourage the + atheism that is getting so frightfully common, but really it + seems to me such extravagant notions about religion as you + have been brought up in must have not a little to do with the + present sad state of affairs—must in fact go far to + make atheists. Civilization will never endure to be + priest-ridden." + </p> + <p> + "It is my turn now," said Hester, "to say that I scarcely + understand you. Do you take God for a priest? Do you object + to atheism, and yet regard obedience to God as an invention + of the priests? Was Jesus Christ a priest? or did he say what + was not true when he said that whoever loved any one else + more than him was not worthy of him? Or do you confess it + true, yet say it is of no consequence? If you do not care + about what he wants of you, I simply tell you that I care + about nothing else; and if ever I should change, I hope he + will soon teach me better—whatever sorrow may be + necessary for me to that end. I desire not to care a straw + about anything he does not care about." + </p> + <p> + "It is very plain, at least," said Miss Vavasor, "that you do + not love my nephew as he deserves to be loved—or as any + woman ought to love the man to whom she has given her consent + to be his wife! You have very different ideas from such as + were taught in my girlhood concerning the duties of wives! A + woman, I used to be told, was to fashion herself upon her + husband, fit her life to his life, her thoughts to his + thoughts, her tastes to his tastes." + </p> + <p> + Absurd indeed would have seemed, to any one really knowing + the two, the idea of a woman like Hester fitting herself into + the mould of such a man as lord Gartley!—for what must + be done with the quantity of her that would be left over + after his lordship's mould was filled! The notion of + squeezing a large, divine being, like Hester, into the shape + of such a poor, small, mean, worldly, time-serving fellow, + would have been so convincingly ludicrous as to show at once + the theory on which it was founded for the absurdity it was. + Instead of walking on together in simple equality, in mutual + honour and devotion, each helping the other to be better + still, to have the woman, large and noble, come cowering + after her pigmy lord, as if he were the god of her life, + instead of a Satan doing his best to damn her to his own + meanness!—it is a contrast that needs no argument! Not + the less if the woman be married to such a man, will it be + her highest glory, by the patience of Christ, by the + sacrifice of self, yea of everything save the will of God, to + win the man, if he may by any means be won, from the misery + of his self-seeking to a noble shame of what he now delights + in. + </p> + <p> + "You are right," said Hester; "I do not love lord Gartley + sufficiently for that! Thank you, Miss Vavasor, you have + helped me to the thorough conviction that there could never + have been any real union between us. Can a woman love with + truest wifely love a man who has no care that she should + attain to the perfect growth of her nature? <i>He</i> would + have been quite content I should remain for ever the poor + creature I am—would never by word, or wish, or prayer, + have sought to raise me above myself! The man I shall love as + I could love must be a greater man than lord Gartley! He is + not fit to make any woman love him so. If she were so much + less than he as to have to look up to him, she would be too + small to have any devotion in her. No! I will be a woman and + not a countess!—I wish you good morning, Miss Vavasor." + </p> + <p> + "If I am not to help him," she said to herself, "what is + there in reason why I should marry him? His love, no doubt, + is the best thing he has to give, but a poor thing is his + best, and save as an advantage for serving him, not worth the + having." What her love to him would have been three months + after marrying him, I am glad to have no occasion to imagine. + </p> + <p> + She held out her hand. Miss Vavasor drew herself up, and + looked a cold annihilation into her eyes. The warm blood rose + from Hester's heart to her brain. Quietly she returned her + gaze, nor blenched a moment. She felt as if she were looking + a far off idea in the face—as if she were telling her + what a poor miserable creature of money and manners, + ambitions and expediencies she thought her. Miss Vavasor, + unused to having such a full strong virgin look fixed + fearless, without defiance, but with utter disapproval, upon + her, quailed—only a little, but as she had never in her + life quailed before. She forced her gaze, and Hester felt + that to withdraw her eyes would give her a false sense of + victory. She therefore continued her look, but had no need to + force it, for she knew she was the stronger. It seemed + minutes where only seconds passed. She smiled at last and + said, + </p> + <p> + "I am glad you are not going to be my aunt, Miss Vavasor." + </p> + <p> + "Thank goodness, no!" cried Miss Vavasor, with a slightly + hysterical laugh. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding her educated self-command, she felt cowed + before the majesty of Hester, for woman was face to face with + woman, and the truth was stronger than the lie. Had she then + yielded to the motions within her, she would, and it would + have been but the second time in her life, have broken into + undignified objurgation. She had to go back to her nephew and + confess that she had utterly failed where she had expected, + if not an easy victory, yet the more a triumphant one! She + had to tell him that his lady was the most peculiar, most + unreasonable young woman she had ever had to deal with; and + that she was not only unsuited to him, but quite unworthy of + him! He would conclude she had managed the matter ill, and + said things she ought not to have said! It was very hard that + she, who desired only to set things right, looking for no + advantage to herself—she who was recognized as a power + in her own circle, should have been so ignominiously foiled + in the noble endeavour, having sacrificed herself, to + sacrifice also another upon the altar of her beloved earldom! + She could not reconcile herself to the thought. It did not + occur to her that there was a power here concerned altogether + different from any she had before encountered—namely a + soul possessed by truth and clad in the armour of + righteousness. Of conscience that dealt with the qualities of + things, nor cared what had been decreed concerning them by a + class claiming for itself the apex of the world, she had + scarce even a shadowy idea; for never in her life had she + herself acted from any insight into primary quality. When + therefore she had to do with a girl who did not acknowledge + the jurisdiction of the law to which she bowed as supreme, + she was out of her element—had got, as it seemed to + her, into water too shoal to swim in; whereas, in fact, she + had got into water too deep to wade in, and did not know how + to swim. + </p> + <p> + She turned and walked away, attempting a show of dignity, but + showing only that Brummagem thing, haughtiness—an + adornment the possessor alone does not recognize as a + counterfeit. Then Hester turned too, and walked in the + opposite direction, feeling that one supposed portion of her + history was but an episode, and at an end. + </p> + <p> + She did not know that, both coming and going, she was + attended at a near distance by a tall, portly gentleman of + ruddy complexion and military bearing. He had beheld her + interview—by no means overheard her + conversation—with Miss Vavasor, and had seen with + delight the unmistakable symptoms of serious difference which + at last appeared, and culminated in their parting. He did not + venture to approach her, but when she got into a cab, took a + Hansom and followed her to the entrance of the square, where + he got down, his heart beating with exultant hope that "the + rascal ass of a nobleman" had been dismissed. + </p> + <p> + All the time since he came to London with Hester, he had, as + far as possible to him, kept guard over her, and had known a + good deal more of her goings and comings than she was aware + of—this with an unselfishness of devotion that took + from him the least suspicion of its being a thing + unwarrantable. He was like the dog which, not allowed to + accompany his master, follows him at a distance, ready to + interfere at any moment when such interference may be + desirable. She had let him know that she had found her + brother, that he was very ill, and that she was helping to + nurse him; but she had not yet summoned him. In severe + obedience to orders, therefore, he did not even now call. + Next day, however, he found a summons waiting him at his + club, and made haste to obey it. + </p> + <p> + She had thought it better to prepare him for what she was + about to ask of him, therefore mentioned in her note that in + a day or two she was going to Yrndale with her brother and + his wife. + </p> + <p> + "Whew!" exclaimed the major when he read it, "wife! this + complicates matters! I was sure he had not gone to the + dogs—no dog but a cur would receive him—without + help!—Marriage and embezzlement! Poor devil! if he were + not such a confounded ape I should pity him! But the + small-pox and a wife may perhaps do something for him!" + </p> + <p> + When he reached the house, Hester received him warmly, and at + once made her request that he would go down with them. It + would be such a relief to her if he would, she said. He + expressed entire readiness, but thought she had better not + say he was coming, as in the circumstances he could hardly be + welcome. They soon made their arrangements, and he left her + yet more confirmed in a respect such as he had never till now + felt. And this was the major's share in the good that flowed + from Hester's sufferings: the one most deficient thing in him + was reverence, and in this he was now having a strong lesson. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch48"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLVIII. + </h2> + <h3> + MR. CHRISTOPHER. + </h3> + <p> + On the Sunday evening, the last before she was to leave for + Yrndale, Hester had gone to see a poor woman in a house she + had not been in before, and was walking up the dismal stair, + dark and dirty, when she heard a moaning from a room the door + of which was a little open. She peeped in, and saw on a low + bed a poor woman, old, yellow, and wrinkled, apparently at + the point of death. Her throat was bare, and she saw the + muscles of it knotted in the struggle for life.—Is not + death the victorious struggle for life?—She was not + alone; a man knelt by her bedside, his arm under the pillow + to hold her head higher, and his other hand clasping hers. + </p> + <p> + "The darkness! the darkness!" moaned the woman. + </p> + <p> + "You feel lonely?" said the voice of the man, low, and broken + with sympathy. + </p> + <p> + "All, all alone," sighed the woman. + </p> + <p> + "I can do nothing for you. I can only love you." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes," said the woman hopelessly. + </p> + <p> + "You are slipping away from me, but my master is stronger + than me, and can help you yet. He is not far from you though + you can't see him. He loves you too, and only wants you to + ask him to help you. He can cure death as easy as any other + disease." + </p> + <p> + No reply came for a moment. Then, moulded of all-but dying + breath, came the cry, + </p> + <p> + "O Christ, save me!" + </p> + <p> + Then Hester was seized with a sudden impulse: she thought + afterwards the feeling of it might be like what men and women + of old had when the Spirit of God came upon them: it seemed + she had not intended song when the sounds issuing from her + mouth entered her ears. The words she uttered were those and + no more, over and over again, which the poor dying woman had + just spoken: "O Christ, save me!" But the song-sounds in + which they were lapt and with which they came winged from her + lips, seemed the veriest outpouring of her whole soul. They + seemed to rise from some eternal deep within her, yet not to + be of her making. She was as in the immediate presence of + Christ, pleading with him for the consolation and strength + which his poor dying creature so sorely needed. + </p> + <p> + The holy possession lasted but a minute or so, and left her + dumb. She turned away, and passed up the stair. + </p> + <p> + "The angels! the angels! I'm going now!" said the woman + feebly. + </p> + <p> + "The angel was praying to Christ for you," said Christopher. + "—Oh living brother, save our dying sister!" + </p> + <p> + "O Christ, save me!" she murmured again, and they were her + last words. + </p> + <p> + Christopher laid the body gently back on the pillow. A sigh + of relief passed from his lips, and he went from the room to + give notice of the death. The dead or who would might bury + the dead; he must go to the living! + </p> + <p> + Inflated sentiment all this looks to the man of this world. + But when the inevitable Death has him by the throat; when he + lies like that poor woman, lonely in the shadow, though his + room be crowded with friends, whatever his theories about + future or no future, it may be an awful hour in which less + than a Christ will hardly comfort him. + </p> + <p> + Hester's heart was full when she found the woman she went to + see, and she was able to speak as she had never spoken + before. She never troubled her poor with any of the theories + of salvation, which, right or wrong, are <i>not</i> the + things to be presented for men's reception—now any more + than in the days of the first teachers who knew nothing of + them: they serve but to obscure the vision of the live + brother in whom men must believe to be lifted out of their + evil and brought into the air of truth and the room for + growing deliverance. Hester spoke of Christ, the friend of + men, who came to save every one by giving him back to God, as + one gives back to a mother the stray child who has run from + her to escape obeying her. + </p> + <p> + The woman at least listened; and then she sang to her. But + she could not sing as she had sung a little while before. One + cannot have or give the best always—not at least until + the soul shall be always in its highest and best + moods—a condition which may perhaps be on the way to + us, though I am doubtful whether the created will ever stand + continuously on the apex of conscious existence. I think part + of the joy will be to contemplate the conditions in which we + are at our best: I delight to think of twilights in + heaven—the brooding on the best. Perhaps we may be full + of God always and yet not always full of the ecstasy of good, + or always able to make it pass in sweet splendours from heart + to heart. + </p> + <p> + Hester was walking homewards when, passing through a court on + her way, she heard the voice of a man, which again she + recognized as that of Mr. Christopher. Glancing about her she + discovered that it came from a room half under ground. She + went to the door. There was a little crowd of dirty children + making a noise round it, and she could not well hear what was + going on, but what she did hear was enough to let her know it + was the voice of one pleading with his fellows not to be + miserable and die, but to live and rejoice. Now for all the + true liberality of Hester's heart and brain both, she had + never entered any place of worship that did not belong to the + established church, thinking all the rest only and altogether + sectarian, and she would not be a sectary. She had not yet + learned that therein she just was a sectary—from Christ + the head. But here was something meant only for the poor, she + thought, and seeing they would not go to church, a layman + like Mr. Christopher might surely give them of the good + things he had! So she went in: she would sit near the door, + and come out again presently! + </p> + <p> + It was a low room, and though not many were present, the air + was stifling. The doctor stood at the farther end. Some of + his congregation were decently dressed, some but sparingly + washed; many wore the same clothes they wore through the + week, though probably most of these had a better gown or + suit, if that could be called <i>having</i> which was + represented by a pawn-ticket. Hester could hardly say she saw + among them much sign of listening. Most of the faces were + just as vacant as those to be seen in the most fashionable + churches, but there were one or two which seemed to show + their owners in some kind of sympathetic relation with the + speaker, and that was a far larger proportion than was found + in Sodom that was destroyed, or in Nineveh that was spared. + That the speaker was in earnest there could be no manner of + question. His eyes were glowing, his face was gleaming with a + light of its own; his hands were often clenched hard and his + motions broken by very earnestness: it was the bearing of one + that pleaded with men, saying, "Why will ye die?" + </p> + <p> + The whole rough appearance of the man was elevated into + dignity. Simplicity and self-forgetfulness were manifest in + carriage and utterance. He was not self-possessed—but + he was God-possessed. He kept saying the simplest things to + them. One thing she heard him tell them was, that they were + like orphan children, hungry in the street, raking the gutter + for what they could get, while behind them stood a grand, + beautiful house to which they never so much as lifted up + their eyes—and there their father lived! There he sat + in a beautiful room, waiting, waiting, waiting for any one of + them all who would but turn round, run in, and up the stairs + to him. + </p> + <p> + "But you will say," something as thus he went on,—"Why + does he not send out a message to them, to tell them he is + waiting there for them? How can they know without being + told?—you say. But that is just what he does do. He is + constantly sending out messengers to them to tell them to + come in. But they mostly laugh and make faces at them. + <i>They</i> won't be at the trouble to go up those stairs! + 'It's not likely,' they say, 'a man like that would trouble + his head about such as us, even if we were his children!' + That makes me wonder how such people treat their own + children! But some do listen and hear and go in; and some of + them come out again, and say they find it all true. Very few + believe them a bit, or mind in the least what they say. They + are not miserable enough yet to go back to the father that + loves them, and would be as good to them as the bird that + covers her young ones all over with her wings, or the mother + you see wrapping her shawl round her child in her arms. + </p> + <p> + "Some of you are thinking with yourselves now, '<i>We</i> + wouldn't do like that! <i>We</i> should be only too glad to + get somebody that would make us comfortable without any + trouble on our parts!' Ah, there's the rub! These children + that won't go in, they're just like you: they won't take any + trouble about it. Why now here I am, sent to you with the + very message! and you fancy I am only talking, as you do so + often, without meaning anything! I am one of those who have + been into the house, and have found my father—oh, so + grand! and so good to me! And I am come out again to tell you + it is so, and that if you will go in, you will have the same + kindness I have had. All the servants of the house even will + rejoice over you with music and dancing—so glad that + you are come home. Is it possible you will not take the + trouble to go! There are certain things required of you when + you go: perhaps you are too lazy or too dirty in your habits, + to like doing them! I have known some refuse to scrape their + shoes, or rub them on the door-mat when they went in, and + then complain loudly that they were refused admittance. A + fine house would such make to their father, were they allowed + to run in and out as they pleased! such a house, in fact, as + would very soon drive their father himself out of it! for + they would make it unfit for any decent person to live in. A + few months and they would have the grand beautiful house as + wretched and mean and dirty as the houses they live in now. + Such persons are those that keep grumbling that they are not + rich. They want to loaf about, and drink, and be a nuisance + to everybody, like some of the rich ones. They think it hard + they should not be able to do just as they please with + everything that takes their fancy, when they would do nothing + but break and spoil it, and make it no good to anybody. Their + father, who can do whatever he sees fit, is not one to let + such disagreeable children work what mischief they like! He + is a better father than that would come to! A father who lets + them be dirty and rude just as they like, is one of the worst + enemies of his children. And the day is coming when, if he + can't get them to mind him any other way, he will put them + where they will be ten times more miserable than ever they + were at the worst time of their lives, and make them mind. + Out of the same door whence came the messengers to ask them + in, he will send dogs and bears and lions and tigers and wild + cats out upon them. + </p> + <p> + "You will, I daresay, some of you, say, 'Ah, we know what you + mean; but you see that's not the sort of thing we care for, + so you needn't go on about it.' I know it is not the sort of + thing you care for, else you might have been in a very + different condition by this time. And I know the kind of + thing you do care for—low, dirty things: you are like a + child, if such there could be, that preferred mud and the + gutter to all the beautiful toys in the shop at the corner of + Middle Row. But though these things are not the things you + want, they are the things you need; and the time is coming + when you will say, 'Ah me! what a fool I was not to look at + the precious things, and see how precious they were, and put + out my hand for them when they were offered me!'" + </p> + <p> + It was something in this simple way, but more earnestly yet, + and occasionally with an energy that rose to eloquence, that + the man freed his soul of the things he had to give. After + about twenty minutes, he ceased, saying, "We will now sing a + hymn." Then he read a short hymn, repeating each verse before + they sang it, for there was no other hymn-book than his own. + It was the simplest hymn, Hester thought, she had ever heard. + He began the singing himself to a well-known tune, but when + he heard the voice of Hester take it up, he left the leading + to her, and betaking himself to the bass, did his part there. + When they heard her voice the people all turned to look, and + some began to whisper, but presently resumed the hymn. When + it was ended, he prayed for two or three minutes, not more, + and sent them away. Hester being near the door went out with + the first of them, and walked home full of pleasure in the + thought of such preaching: if only her friends could hear + such! The great difficulty was to wake in them any vaguest + recognition of a Nature from whom they came. She had been + driven to conclude that the faculty for things + <i>epouranian</i> was awake in them not an atom more than in + the South-African Bushman, in whom most travellers have + failed to discover even the notion of a power above him. But + to wake the faculty in them what could be so powerful as the + story and the message of Jesus?—and Mr. Christopher had + not spoken of him! She did not know that every Sunday he + taught them there, and that this sermon, if such it could be + called, was but one wave in the flow of a river. The true + teacher brings from his treasure things old and things new; + at one time tells, at another explains; and ever and anon + lets his own well of water flow to everlasting life. + </p> + <p> + But as she thought, Hester, like the true soul she was, + turned from ways and means to the questioning of herself: + what of the faculty was awake in her? Had she been obedient + only to that she had been taught, or obedient to the very + God? This questioning again she left for better labour: she + turned her whole soul towards God in prayer unutterable. Of + one thing she could be sure—that she had but the + faintest knowledge of him whom to know is life eternal. + </p> + <p> + She was near the turning that led to the square when she + heard a quick footstep behind her, and was presently + overtaken by Mr. Christopher. + </p> + <p> + "I was so glad to see you come in!" he said. "I was able to + speak the better, for I was sure then of some sympathy in the + spiritual air. It is not easy to go on when you feel all the + time a doubt whether to one present your words are more than + mere words; or, if they have some meaning to any, whether + that meaning be not something very different from your + meaning." + </p> + <p> + "I do not see," said Hester, "how any one could + misunderstand, or indeed help understanding what I heard you + say." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" he returned, "the one incomprehensible thing is + ignorance! To understand why another does not understand + seems to me beyond the power of humanity. As God only can + understand evil, while we only can be evil, so God only can + understand ignorance, while we only can be ignorant. I have + been trying now for a good many months to teach those people, + and I am not sure that a single thought has passed from my + mind into one of theirs. I sometimes think I am but beating + the air. But I must tell you how your singing comforted the + poor woman at whose door you stopped this afternoon! I saw it + in her face. She thought it was the angels. And it was one + angel, for did not God send you? I trust your fellow-servants + were waiting for her: she died a minute or two after." + </p> + <p> + They walked some distance before either spoke again. + </p> + <p> + "I was surprised," said Hester at length, "to find you taking + the clergyman's part as well as the doctor's." + </p> + <p> + "By no means," returned Christopher; "I took no clergyman's + part. I took but the part of a human being, bound to share + with his fellow. What could make you think so? Did I preach + like one?" + </p> + <p> + "Not very," she answered. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad of that," he returned, "for such a likeness would + by no means favour my usefulness with such as those. If you + see any reason why a layman, as was our Lord, should not + speak to his fellows, I fear it is one I should be unable to + comprehend. I do whatever seems to me a desirable action, so + long as I see no reason for not doing it. As to the customs + of society, my experience of them has resulted in mere and + simple contempt—in so far at least as they would hamper + my freedom. I have another master; and they who obey higher + rules need not regard lower judgment. If Shakspere liked my + acting, should I care if Marlowe did not?" + </p> + <p> + "But if anybody and everybody be at liberty to preach, how + are we to have any assurance what kind of doctrine will be + preached?" + </p> + <p> + "We must go without it.—But it is too late to object, + for here are a few of us laymen preaching, and no one to + hinder us. There are many uneducated preachers who move the + classes the clergy cannot touch. Their preaching has a far + more evident effect, I know, than mine." + </p> + <p> + "Why do you not then preach like them?" + </p> + <p> + "I would not if I could, and could not if I would: I do not + believe one half of the things they say." + </p> + <p> + "How can they do more good if what they say is not true?" + </p> + <p> + "I did not say they did more good—about that I cannot + tell; that may need centuries to determine. I said they moved + their people more. And the fundamental element of what they + say is most true, only the forms they express it in contain + much that is false." + </p> + <p> + "Will you then defend a man in speaking things that are not + true?" + </p> + <p> + "If he believes them, what is he to do but speak them? Let + him speak them in God's name. I cannot speak them because I + do not believe them. If I did believe them they would take + from me the heart to preach." + </p> + <p> + "Can it be," said Hester, "that falsehood is more powerful + than truth—and for truth too?" + </p> + <p> + "By no means. A falsehood has in itself no power but for + evil. It is the spiritual truth clothed in the partially + false form that is powerful. Clearer truth will follow in the + wake of it, and cast the false forms out: they serve but to + make a place of seeming understanding in ignorant minds, + wherein the truths themselves may lie and work with their own + might. But if what I teach be nearer the truth, let it be + harder to get in, it will in the end work more truth. In the + meantime I say God-speed to every man who honestly teaches + what he honestly believes. Paul was grand when he said he + would rejoice that Christ was preached, from whatever motive + he might be preached. If you say those people, though + contentious, may have preached good doctrine, I + answer—Possibly; for they could not have preached much + of what is called doctrine now-a-days. If they preached + theories of their own, they were teachers of lies, for they + were not true men, and the theories of an untrue man cannot + be true. But they told something about Christ, and of that + Paul was glad." + </p> + <p> + Some may wonder that Hester, having got so far as she had, + should need to be told such things; but she had never had + occasion to think about them before, though the truth wrought + out in her life had rendered her capable of seeing them the + moment they were put before her. + </p> + <p> + "You interest me much," she said. "—Would you mind + telling me how you, whose profession has to do with the + bodies of men, have come to do more for their souls?" + </p> + <p> + "I know nothing about less or more," answered Christopher. + "—You would find it, I fear, a long story if I were to + attempt telling it in full. I studied medicine from guile, + not therefore the less carefully, that I might have a good + ostensible reason for going about among the poor. I count + myself bound to do all I can for their bodies; and pity + itself would, I think, when I came to go among them, have + driven me to the study, had I been ignorant. No one who has + not been among them knows their sufferings—borne by + some of them without complaint—for the sad reason that + it is of no use. To be to such if only one to whom they can + speak, is in some sort to mediate between them and a possible + world of relief. But it was not primarily from the desire to + alleviate their sufferings that I learned what I could of + medicine, but in the hope to start them on the way towards + victory over all evil. I saw that the man who brought them + physical help had a chance with them such as no clergyman + had—an advantage quite as needful with them as with the + heathen—to whom we are not so <i>immediately</i> + debtors. It would have been a sad thing for the world if the + Lord of it had not sought first the lost sheep of the house + of Israel. One awful consequence of our making haste to pull + out the mote out of our heathen brother's eye, while yet the + beam is in our own, is that wherever our missionaries go, + they are followed by a foul wave of our vices. + </p> + <p> + "With all my guile I have not done much. But now after nearly + two thousand years, such is the amount of faith I find in + myself towards my Lord and his Father, that sometimes I ask + myself whether in very truth I believe that that man did live + and die as the story says: if it has taken all this time for + such a poor result, I say to myself, perhaps I may have done + something, for it must be too small to be seen; so I will try + on, helping God as the children help the father.—You + know that grand picture, on the ceiling of the pope's chapel, + of the making of Adam?" + </p> + <p> + "Michael Angelo's?—Yes." + </p> + <p> + "You must have noticed then how the Father is accompanied by + a crowd of young ones—come to help him to make Adam, I + always think. The poet has there, consciously or not, hit + upon a great truth: it is the majesty of God's + great-heartedness, and the majesty of man's destiny, that + every man must be a fellow-worker with God, nor can ever in + less attain his end, and the conscious satisfaction of being. + I want to help God with my poor brothers." + </p> + <p> + "How well I understand you!" said Hester. "But would you mind + telling me what made you think of the thing first? I began + because I saw how miserable so many people were, and longed + to do something to make life a better thing for them." + </p> + <p> + "That was not quite the way with me," replied Christopher. "I + see I must tell you something of my external, in order to + explain my internal history." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, pray!" returned Hester, fearing she had presumed. "I + did not mean to be inquisitive. I ought not to have asked + such a question; for these things have to do with the most + sacred regions of our nature." + </p> + <p> + "I was only going to cast the less in with the + greater—the outer fact to explain the inner truth," + said Christopher. "I should like to tell you about + it.—And first,—you may suppose I could not have + followed my wishes had I not had some money!" + </p> + <p> + "A good thing you had, then!" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know exactly," replied the doctor in a dubious tone. + "You shall judge for yourself from my story.—I had + money then—a good deal too—left me by my + grandfather. My father died when I was a child. I am glad to + say." + </p> + <p> + "Glad to say!" repeated Hester bewildered. + </p> + <p> + "Yes: if he had lived, how do I know he might not have done + just like my grandfather. But my mother lived, thank + God.—Not that my grandfather was what is counted a bad + man; on the contrary he stood high in the world's + opinion—was considered indeed the prince + of——well, I will not say what, for my business is + not to expose him. The world had nothing against him. + </p> + <p> + "When he died and left me his money—I was then at + school, preparing for Oxford—it was necessary that I + should look into the affairs of the business, for it was my + mother's wish that I should follow the same. In the course of + my investigation, I came across things not a few in the + books, all fair and square in the judgment of the trade + itself, which made me doubtful, and which at last, unblinded + by custom, I was confident were unfair, that is dishonest. + Thereupon I began to argue with myself: 'What is here?' I + said. 'Am I to use the wages of iniquity as if they were a + clean God-gift? If there has been wrong done there must be + atonement, reparation. I cannot look on this money as mine, + for part of it at least, I cannot say how much, ought not to + be mine.' The truth flashed upon me; I saw that my business + in life must be to send the money out again into the channels + of right. I could claim a workman's wages for doing that. The + history of the business went so far back that it was + impossible to make return of more than a small proportion of + the sums rightly due; therefore something else, and that a + large something, must be done as well. + </p> + <p> + "To be honest, however, in explaining how I came to choose + the life I am now leading, I must here confess the fact that + about this time I had a disappointment of a certain kind + which set me thinking, for it gave me such a shock that for + some months I could not imagine anything to make life worth + living. Some day, if you like, I will give you a detailed + account of how I came to the truth of the question—came + to see what alone does make the value of life. A flash came + first, then a darkness, then a long dawn; by and in which it + grew clearer and ever clearer, that there could be no real + good, in the very nature of things and of good, but oneness + with the will of God; that man's good lay in becoming what + the inventor of him meant in the inventing of him—to + speak after the fashion of man's making. Going on thinking + about it all, and reading my New Testament, I came to see + that, if the story of Christ was true, the God that made me + was just inconceivably lovely, and that the perfection, the + very flower of existence, must be to live the heir of all + things, at home with the Father. Next, mingled inextricably + with my resolve about the money, came the perception that my + fellow-beings, my brothers and sisters of the same father, + must be, next to the father himself, the very atmosphere of + life; and that perfect misery must be to care only for one's + self. With that there woke in me such a love and pity for my + people, my own race, my human beings, my brothers and + sisters, whoever could hear the word of the father of men, + that I felt the only thing worth giving the energy of a life + to, was the work that Christ gave himself to—the + delivery of men out of their lonely and mean devotion to + themselves, into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, + whose joy and rejoicing is the rest of the family. Then I saw + that here the claim upon my honesty, and the highest calling + of man met. I saw that were I as free to do with my + grandfather's money as it was possible for man to be, I could + in no other way use it altogether worthily than in aiding to + give outcome, shape and operation to the sonship and + brotherhood in me. I have not yet found how best to use it + all; and I will do nothing in haste, which is the very + opposite of divine, and sure to lead astray; but I keep + thinking in order to find out, and it will one day be + revealed to me. God who has laid the burden on me will enable + me to bear it until he shows me how to unpack and disperse + it. + </p> + <p> + "First, I spent a portion in further study, and especially + the study of medicine. I could not work miracles; I had not + the faith necessary to that, if such is now to be had; but + God might be pleased I should heal a little by the doctor's + art. So doing I should do yet better, and learn how, to spend + the money upon humanity itself, repaying to the race what had + been wrongfully taken from its individuals to whom it was + impossible to restore it; and should while so doing at the + same time fill up what was left behind for me of the labours + of the Master. + </p> + <p> + "That is my story. I am now trying to do as I have seen, + working steadily, without haste, with much discouragement, + and now and then with a great gladness and auroral hope. I + have this very day got a new idea that may have in it a true + germ!" + </p> + <p> + "Will you not tell me what it is?" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "I don't like talking about things before at least they are + begun," answered Christopher. "And I have not much hope from + money. If it were not that I have it and cannot help it, and + am bound to spend it, I would not trouble myself about any + scheme to which it was necessary. I sometimes feel as if it + was a devil, restrained a little by being spell-bound in + mental discs. I know the feeling is wrong and faithless; for + money is God's as certainly as the earth in which the crops + grow, though he does not care so much about it." + </p> + <p> + "I know what I would do if I had money!" said Hester. + </p> + <p> + "You have given me the right to ask what—the right to + ask—not the right to have an answer." + </p> + <p> + "I would have a house of refuge to which any one might run + for covert or rest or warmth or food or medicine or whatever + he needed. It should have no society or subscriptions or + committee, but should be my own as my hands and my voice are + mine—to use as God enabled me. I would have it like the + porch—not of Bethesda, but of heaven itself. It should + come into use by the growth of my friendships. It should be a + refuge for the needy, from the artisan out of work to the + child with a cut finger, or cold bitten feet. I would take in + the weary-brained prophet, the worn curate, or the shadowy + needle-woman. I would not take in drunkards or ruined + speculators—not at least before they were very + miserable indeed. The suffering of such is the only desirable + consequence of their doing, and to save from it would be to + take from them their last chance." + </p> + <p> + "It is a lovely idea," said Christopher. "One of my hopes is + to build a small hospital for children in some lovely place, + near some sad ugly one. But perhaps I cannot do it till I am + old, for when I do, I must live among them and have them and + their nurses within a moment's reach." + </p> + <p> + "Is it not delightful to know that you can start anything + when you please?" + </p> + <p> + "Anybody with leisure can do that who is willing to begin + where everything ought to be begun—that is, at the + beginning. Nothing worth calling good can or ever will be + started full grown. The essential of any good is life, and + the very body of created life, and essential to it, being its + self operant, is growth. The larger start you make, the less + room you leave for life to extend itself. You fill with the + dead matter of your construction the places where + assimilation ought to have its perfect work, building by a + life-process, self-extending, and subserving the whole. Small + beginnings with slow growings have time to root themselves + thoroughly—I do not mean in place nor yet in social + regard, but in wisdom. Such even prosper by failures, for + their failures are not too great to be rectified without + injury to the original idea. God's beginnings are + imperceptible, whether in the region of soul or of matter. + Besides, I believe in no good done save in person—by + personal operative presence of soul, body and spirit. God is + the one only person, and it is our personality alone, so far + as we have any, that can work with God's perfect personality. + God can use us as tools, but to be a tool of, is not to be a + fellow-worker with. How the devil would have laughed at the + idea of a society for saving the world! But when he saw + <i>one</i> take it in hand, one who was in no haste even to + do that, one who would only do the will of God with all his + heart and soul, and cared for nothing else, then indeed he + might tremble for his kingdom! It is the individual + Christians forming the church by their obedient + individuality, that have done all the good done since men for + the love of Christ began to gather together. It is individual + ardour alone that can combine into larger flame. There is no + true power but that which has individual roots. Neither + custom nor habit nor law nor foundation is a root. The real + roots are individual conscience that hates evil, individual + faith that loves and obeys God, individual heart with its + kiss of charity." + </p> + <p> + "I think I understand you; I am sure I do in part, at least," + said Hester. + </p> + <p> + They had, almost unconsciously, walked, twice round the + square, and had now the third time reached the house. He went + in with her and saw his patient, then took his leave to go + home to his Greek Testament—for the remainder of the + evening if he might. Except when some particular case + required attention, he never went on-trying to teach with his + soul weary. He would carry material aid or social comfort, + but would not teach. His soul must be shining—with + faith or hope or love or repentance or compassion, when he + unveiled it. "No man," he would say, "will be lost because I + do not this or that; but if I do the unfitting thing, I may + block his way for him, and retard his redemption." He would + not presume beyond what was given him—as if God were + letting things go wrong, and he must come in to prevent them! + He would not set blunted or ill tempered tools to the finest + work of the universe! + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch49"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER XLIX. + </h2> + <h3> + AN ARRANGEMENT. + </h3> + <p> + Hester had not yet gone to see Miss Dasomma because of the + small-pox. + </p> + <p> + Second causes are God's as much as first, and Christ made use + of them as his father's way. It were a sad world indeed if + God's presence were only interference, that is, miracle. The + roundabout common ways of things are just as much his as the + straight, miraculous ones—I incline to think more his, + in the sense that they are plainly the ways he prefers. In + all things that are, he is—present even in the evil we + bring into the world, to foil it and bring good out of it. We + are always disbelieving in him because things do not go as we + intend and desire them to go. We forget that God has larger + ends, even for us, than we can see, so his plans do not fit + ours. If God were not only to hear our prayers, as he does + ever and always, but to answer them as we want them answered, + he would not be God our Saviour, but the ministering genius + of our destruction. + </p> + <p> + But now Hester thought she might visit her friend. She had + much to say to her and ask of her. First she told her of + herself and lord Gartley. Miss Dasomma threw her arms about + her, and broke into a flood of congratulation. Hester looked + a little surprised, and was indeed a little annoyed at the + vehemence of her pleasure. Miss Dasomma hastened to excuse + herself. + </p> + <p> + "My dear," she said, "the more I saw of that man, the more I + thought and the more I heard about him, his ways, and his + surroundings, the more I marvelled you should ever have taken + him for other than the most wordly, shallow, stunted + creature. It was the very impossibility of your understanding + the mode of being of such a man that made it possible for him + to gain on you. Believe me, if you had married him, you would + have been sick of him—forgive the vulgar + phrase—yes, and hopeless of him, in six weeks." + </p> + <p> + "There was more and better in him than you imagine," returned + Hester, hurt that her friend should think so badly of the man + she loved, but by no means sure that she was wrong. + </p> + <p> + "That may be," answered her friend; "but I am certain also + that if you had married him, you would have done him no + good." + </p> + <p> + Then Hester went on with her tale of trouble. Her brother + Cornelius had been behaving very badly, she said, and had + married a young woman without letting them know. Her father + and mother were unaware of the fact as yet, and she dreaded + having to communicate it to them. He had been very ill with + the small-pox, and she must take him home; but what to do + with his wife until she had broken the matter to them, she + did not know. She knew her father would be very angry, and + until he should have got over it a little she dared not have + her home: in a word she was at her wits' end. + </p> + <p> + "One question, excuse me if I ask," said Miss Dasomma: + "<i>are</i> they married?" + </p> + <p> + "I am not sure; but I am sure she believes they are." + </p> + <p> + Then she told her what she knew of Amy. Miss Dasomma fell a + thinking. + </p> + <p> + "Could I see her?" she said at length. + </p> + <p> + "Surely; any time," replied Hester, "now that Corney is so + much better." + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma called, and was so charmed with Amy that she + proposed to Hester she should stay with her. + </p> + <p> + This was just what Hester wished but had not dared to + propose. + </p> + <p> + Now came the painful necessity not only of breaking to the + young wife that she must be parted from her husband for a + while, but—which was much worse—of therein + revealing that he had deceived her. + </p> + <p> + Had Cornelius not been ill and helpless, and characterless, + he would probably have refused to go home; but he did not + venture a word of opposition to Hester's determination. He + knew she had not told Amy anything, but saw that, if he + refused, she might judge it necessary to tell her all. And + notwithstanding his idiotic pretence of superiority, he had a + kind of thorough confidence in Hester. In his sickness + something of the old childish feeling about her as a refuge + from evil had returned upon him, and he was now nearly ready + to do and allow whatever she pleased, trusting to her to get + him out of the scrape he was in: she could do more than any + one else, he was sure! + </p> + <p> + "But now tell me, on your word of honour," she said to him + that same night, happening to find herself alone with him, + "are you really and truly married to Amy?" + </p> + <p> + She was delighted to see him blaze up in anger. + </p> + <p> + "Hester, you insult us both!" he said. + </p> + <p> + "No, Cornelius," returned Hester, "I have a right to distrust + you—but I distrust only you. Whatever may be amiss in + the affair, I am certain you alone are to blame—not + Amy." + </p> + <p> + Thereupon Cornelius swore a solemn oath that Amy was as much + his lawful wife as he knew how to make her. + </p> + <p> + "Then what is to be done with her when you go home? You + cannot expect she will be welcomed. I have not dared tell + them of your marriage—only of your illness. The other + must be by word of mouth." + </p> + <p> + "I don't know what's to be done with her. How should <i>I</i> + know!" answered Cornelius with a return of his old manner. "I + thought you would manage it all for me! This cursed + illness—" + </p> + <p> + "Cornelius," said Hester, "this illness is the greatest + kindness God could show you." + </p> + <p> + "Well, we won't argue about that!—Sis, you must get me + out of the scrape!" + </p> + <p> + Hester's heart swelled with delight at the sound of the old + loving nursery-word. She turned to him and kissed him. + </p> + <p> + "I will do what I honestly can, Cornelius," she said. + </p> + <p> + "All right!" replied Corney. "What do you mean to do?" + </p> + <p> + "Not to take Amy down with us. She must wait till I have + told." + </p> + <p> + "Then my wife is to be received only on sufferance!" he + cried. + </p> + <p> + "You can hardly expect to be otherwise received yourself. You + have put your wife at no end of disadvantage by making her + your wife without the knowledge of your family. For yourself, + when a man has taken money not his own; when he has torn the + hearts of father and mother with anguish such as neither ever + knew before—ah, Corney! if you had seen them as I saw + them, you would not now wonder that I tremble at the thought + of your meeting. If you have any love for poor Amy, you will + not dream of exposing her to the first outbreak of a shocked + judgment. I cannot be sure what my mother might think, but my + father would take her for your evil genius! It is possible he + may refuse to see yourself!" + </p> + <p> + "Then I'm not going. Better stay here and starve!" + </p> + <p> + "If so, I must at once tell Amy what you have done. I will + not have the parents on whom you have brought disgrace and + misery supposed guilty of cruelty. Amy must know all about it + some day, but it ought to come from yourself—not from + me. You will never be fit for honest company till for very + misery you have told your wife." + </p> + <p> + Hester thought she must not let him fancy things were going + back into the old grooves—that his crime would become a + thing of no consequence, and pass out of existence, ignored + and forgotten. Evil cannot be destroyed without repentance. + </p> + <p> + He was silent as one who had nothing to answer. + </p> + <p> + "So now," said Hester, "will you, or must I, tell Amy that + she cannot go home?" + </p> + <p> + He thought for a moment. + </p> + <p> + "I will," he said. + </p> + <p> + Hester left him and sent Amy to him. In a few minutes she + returned. She had wept, but was now, though looking very sad, + quite self-possessed. + </p> + <p> + "Please, miss," she said—but Hester interrupted her. + </p> + <p> + "You must not call me <i>miss</i>, Amy," she said. "You must + call me <i>Hester</i>. Am I not your sister?" + </p> + <p> + A gleam of joy shot from the girl's eyes, like the sun + through red clouds. + </p> + <p> + "Then you have forgiven me!" she cried, and burst into tears. + </p> + <p> + "No, Amy, not that! I should have had to know something to + forgive first. You may have been foolish; everybody can't + always be wise, though everybody must try to do right. But + now we must have time to set things straighter, without doing + more mischief, and you mustn't mind staying a little while + with Miss Dasomma." + </p> + <p> + "Does she know all about it, miss—-Hester?" asked Amy; + and as she called her new sister by her name, the blood + rushed over her face. + </p> + <p> + "She knows enough not to think unfairly of you, Amy." + </p> + <p> + "And you won't be hard upon him when he hasn't me to comfort + him—will you, Hester?" + </p> + <p> + "I will think of my new sister who loves him," replied + Hester. "But you must not think I do not love him too. And + oh, Amy! you must be very careful over him. No one can do + with him what you can. You must help him to be good, for that + is the chief duty of every one towards a neighbour, and + particularly of a wife towards a husband." + </p> + <p> + Amy was crying afresh, and made no answer; but there was not + the most shadowy token of resentment in her weeping. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch50"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER L. + </h2> + <h3> + THINGS AT HOME. + </h3> + <p> + In the meantime things had been going very gloomily at + Yrndale. Mrs. Raymount was better in health but hardly more + cheerful. How could she be? how get over the sadness that her + boy was such? But the thing that most oppressed her was to + see the heart of his father so turned from the youth. What + would become of them if essential discord invaded their home! + Cornelius had not been pleasant, even she was to herself + compelled to admit, since first he began to come within sight + of manhood; but she had always looked to the time when + growing sense would make him cast aside young-mannish ways; + and this was the outcome of her cares and hopes and prayers + for him! Her husband went about listless and sullen. He wrote + no more. How could one thus disgraced in his family presume + to teach the world anything! How could he ever hold up his + head as one that had served his generation, when this was the + kind of man he was to leave behind him for the life of the + next! Cornelius's very being cast doubt on all he had ever + said or done! + </p> + <p> + He had been proud of his children: they were like those of + any common stock! and the shame recoiled upon himself. + Bitterly he recalled the stain upon his family in generations + gone by. He had never forged or stolen himself, yet the + possibility had remained latent in him, else how could he + have transmitted it? Perhaps there were things in which he + might have been more honest, and so have killed the latent + germ and his child not have had it to develop! Far into the + distance he saw a continuous succession of dishonest + Raymounts, nor succession only but multiplication, till + streets and prisons were swarming with them. For hours he + would sit with his hands in his pockets, scarcely daring to + think, for the misery of the thoughts that came crowding out + the moment the smallest chink was opened in their cage. He + had become short, I do not say rough in his speech to his + wife. He would break into sudden angry complaints against + Hester for not coming home, but stop dead in the middle, as + if nothing was worth being angry about now, and turn away + with a sigh that was almost a groan. The sight of the + children was a pain to him. Saffy was not one to understand + much of grief beyond her own passing troubles; it was a thing + for which she seemed to have little reception; and her + occasionally unsympathetic ways were, considering her age, + more of a grief to her mother than was quite reasonable; she + feared she saw in her careless glee the same root which in + her brother flowered in sullen disregard. Mark was very + different. The father would order Saffy away, but the boy + might come and go as he pleased, nor give him any annoyance, + although he never or scarcely ever took any notice of him. He + had been told nothing of the cause of his parents' evident + misery. When the news came of Corney's illness, his mother + told him of that; but he had sympathy and penetration enough + to perceive that there must be something amiss more than + that: if this were all, they would have told him of it when + first they began to be changed! And when the news came that + he was getting better, his father did not seem the least + happier! He would sometimes stand and gaze at his father, but + the solemn, far-off, starry look of the boy's eyes never + seemed to disturb him. He loved his father as few boys love, + and yet had a certain dread of him and discomfort in his + presence, which he could not have accounted for, and which + would vanish at once when he spoke to him. He had never + recovered the effects of being so nearly drowned, and in the + readier apprehension caused by accumulated troubles his + mother began to doubt if ever he would be well again. He had + got a good deal thinner; his food did not seem to nourish + him; and his being seemed slipping away from the hold of the + world. He was full of dreams and fancies, all of the higher + order of things where love is the law. He did not read much + that was new, for he soon got tired with the effort to + understand; but he would spend happy hours alone, seeming to + the ordinary eye to be doing nothing, because his doing was + with the unseen. So-called religious children are often + peculiarly disagreeable, mainly from false notions of the + simple thing religion in their parents and teachers; but in + truth nowhere may religion be more at home than in a child. A + strong conscience and a loving regard to the desires of + others were Mark's chief characteristics. When such children + as he die, we may well imagine them wanted for special work + in the world to which they go. If the very hairs of our head + are all numbered, and he said so who knew and is true, our + children do not drop hap-hazard into the near world, neither + are they kept out of it by any care or any power of medicine: + all goes by heavenliest will and loveliest ordinance. Some of + us will have to be ashamed of our outcry after our dead. + Beloved, even for your dear faces we can wait awhile, seeing + it is His father, your father and our father to whom you have + gone, leaving us with him still. Our day will come, and your + joy and ours, and all shall be well. + </p> + <p> + The attachment of Mark to the major continued growing. + </p> + <p> + "When Majie comes," he said one of those days, "he must not + go again." + </p> + <p> + "Why, Markie?" asked his mother, almost without a meaning, + for her thought was with her eldest-born, her disgrace. + </p> + <p> + "Because, if he does," he answered, "I shall not see much of + him." + </p> + <p> + The mother looked at the child, but said nothing. Sorrow was + now the element of her soul. Cornelius had destroyed the + family heart; the family must soon be broken up, and vanish + in devouring vacancy! Do you ask where was her faith? I + answer, Just where yours and mine is when we give thanks + trusting in the things for which we give thanks; when we rest + in what we have, in what we can do, in what people think of + us, in the thought of the friends we have at our back, or in + anything whatever but the living, outgoing power of the + self-alive—the one causing potency in the heart of our + souls, and in every clothing of those souls, from nerve, + muscle, and skin to atmosphere and farthest space. The living + life is the one power, the only that can, and he who puts his + trust or hope in anything else whatever is a worshipper of + idols. He who does not believe in God must be a truster in + that which is lower than himself. + </p> + <p> + Mark seldom talked about his brother. Before he went away the + last time he had begun to shrink from him a little, as if + with some instinct of an inward separation. He would stand a + little way off and look at him as if he were a stranger in + whom he was interested, and as if he himself were trying to + determine what mental attitude he must assume towards him. + When he heard that he was ill, the tears came in his eyes, + but he did not speak. + </p> + <p> + "Are you not sorry for Corney?" said his mother. + </p> + <p> + "I'm sorry," he answered, "because it must make him unhappy. + He does not like being ill." + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> don't like being ill, I'm sure Mark!" returned + his mother, apprehending affectation. + </p> + <p> + "I don't mind it much," answered the boy, looking far + away—as it seemed to his mother, towards a region to + which she herself had begun to look with longing. The way her + husband took their grief made them no more a family, but a + mere household. He brooded alone and said nothing. They did + not share sorrow as they had shared joy. + </p> + <p> + At last came a letter from Hester saying that in two days she + hoped to start with Corney to bring him home. The mother read + the letter, and with a faded gleam of joy on her countenance, + passed it to her husband. He took it, glanced at it, threw it + from him, rose, and left the room. For an hour his wife heard + him pacing up and down his study; then he took his hat and + stick and went out. What he might have resolved upon had + Corney been returning in tolerable health, I do not + know—possibly to kick him out of the house for his + impudence in daring to show his face there; but even this + wrathful father, who thought he did well to be angry, could + not turn from his sickly child, let him be the greatest + scoundrel under the all-seeing sun? But not therefore would + he receive or acknowledge him! Swine were the natural + companions of the prodigal, and the sooner he was with them + the better! There was truth in the remark, but hell in the + spirit of it: for the heart of the father was turned from his + son. The Messiah came to turn the hearts of the fathers to + their children. Strange it should ever have wanted doing! But + it wants doing still. There is scarce a discernible segment + of the round of unity between many fathers and their + children. + </p> + <p> + Gerald Raymount went walking through the pine-woods on his + hills. Little satisfaction lay in land to which such a son + was to succeed! No! the land was his own! not an acre, not as + much as would bury him, should the rascal have! Alas! he had + taken honesty as a matter of course in <i>his</i> family. + Were they not <i>his</i> children? He had not thought of God + as the bond of life between him and them, nor sought to + nourish the life in them. He was their father and was content + with them. He had pondered much the laws by which society + proceeds and prospers, but had not endeavoured in his own + case to carry towards perfection the relation that first goes + to the making of society: the relation between himself and + his children had been left to shift for itself. He had never + known anything of what was going on in the mind of his son. + He had never asked himself if the boy loved the + truth—if he cared that things should stand in him on + the footing of eternal reason, or if his consciousness was + anything better than the wallowing of a happy-go-lucky + satisfaction in being. And now he was astonished to find + <i>his</i> boy no better than the common sort of human + animal! My reader may say he was worse, for there is the + stealing; but that is just the point in which I see him + likest the common run of men, while in his home relations he + was worse. It is my conviction that such an act of open + disgrace as he had been guilty of, may be the outcome of evil + more easy to cast off than that indicated by home-habits + embodying a selfishness regarded embodied in families, and + which perhaps are as a mere matter of course. There is little + hope of the repentance and redemption of certain some until + they have committed one or another of the many wrong things + of which they are daily, through a course of unrestrained + selfishness, becoming more and more capable. Few seem to + understand that the true end is not to keep their children + from doing what is wrong, though that is on the way to it, + but to render them incapable of doing wrong. While one is + capable of doing wrong, he is no nearer right than if that + wrong were done—not so near as if the wrong were done + and repented of. Some minds are never roused to the true + nature of their selfishness until having clone some patent + wrong, the eyes of the collective human conscience are fixed + with the essence of human disapprobation and general + repudiation upon them. Doubtless in the disapproving crowd + are many just as capable of the wrong as they, but the deeper + nature in them, God's and not yet theirs utters its + disapproval, and the culprit feels it. Happy he if then at + last he begin to turn from the evil itself, so repenting! + This Cornelius had not begun to do yet, but his illness, + while perhaps it delayed the time when the thought of turning + should present itself, made it more likely the thought would + be entertained when it did present itself. + </p> + <p> + The father came back from his lonely walk, in which his + communion with nature had been of the smallest, as determined + as before that his son, having unsonned himself, should no + more be treated as a son. He could not refuse him shelter in + his house for a time, but he should be in it on + sufferance—in no right of sonship, and should be made + to understand it was so! + </p> + <p> + But the heart of the mother was longing after her boy, like a + human hen whose chicken had run from under her wing and come + to grief. He had sinned, he had suffered, and was in + disgrace—good reasons why the mother's heart should + cling to the youth, why her arms should long to fold him to + her bosom! The things which made his father feel he could not + speak to him again, worked in the deeper nature of the mother + in opposite fashion. In her they reached a stratum of the + Divine. Was he unlovely?—she must love him the more! + Was he selfish and repellent?—she must get the nearer + to him! Everything was reason to her for love and more love. + If he were but with her! She would clasp him so close that + evil should not touch him! Satan himself could not get at him + with her whole mother-being folded round him! She had been + feeling of late as if she could not get near him: now that + sickness had reduced his strength, and shame his proud + spirit, love would have room to enter and minister! The good + of all evil is to make a way for love, which is essential + good. Therefore evil exists, and will exist until love + destroy and cast it out. Corney could not keep his mother out + of his heart now! She thought there were ten things she could + do for him now to one she could have done for him before! + When, oh when would he appear, that her heart might go out to + meet him! + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch51"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LI. + </h2> + <h3> + THE RETURN. + </h3> + <p> + The day came. It was fine in London. The invalid was + carefully wrapt up for the journey. Hester, the major and + Miss Dasomma followed the young couple to the station. There + the latter received the poor little wife, and when the train + was out of sight, took her home with her. The major who got + into the next carriage, at every stop ran to see if anything + was wanted; and when they reached the station got on the box + of the carriage the mother had sent to meet them. Thus Hester + bore her lost sheep home—in little triumph and much + anxiety. When they stopped at the door no one was on the + outlook for them. The hall was not lighted and the door was + locked. The major rang the bell. Ere the door was opened + Hester had got down and stood waiting. The major took the + youth in his arms and carried him into the dining-room, so + weary that he could scarcely open his eyes. There seemed no + light in the house, except the candle the man brought when he + came to open the door. Corney begged to be put to bed. "I + wish Amy was here!" he murmured. Hester and the major were + talking together. + </p> + <p> + She hurried from the room and returned in a moment. + </p> + <p> + "I was sure of it," she whispered to the major. "There is a + glorious fire in his room, and everything ready for him. The + house is my father, but the room is my mother, and my mother + is God." + </p> + <p> + The major took him again, and carried him up the + stair—so thin and light was he. The moment they were + past the door of her room, out came the mother behind them in + her dressing gown, and glided pale and noiseless as the + disembodied after them. Hester looked round and saw her, but + she laid her finger on her lips, and followed without a word. + When they were in the room, she came to the door, looked in, + and watched them, but did not enter. Cornelius did not open + his eyes. The major laid him down on the sofa near the fire. + A gleam of it fell on his face. The mother drew a sharp quick + breath and pressed her hands against her heart: there was his + sin upon his face, branding him that men might know him. But + therewith came a fresh rush from the inexhaustible fountain + of mother-love. She would have taken him into her anew, with + all his sin and pain and sorrow, to clear away in herself + brand and pollution, and bear him anew—even as God + bears our griefs, and carries our sorrows, destroys our + wrongs, taking their consequences on himself, and gives us + the new birth from above. Her whole wounded heart seemed to + go out to him in one trembling sigh, as she turned to go back + to the room where her husband sat with hopeless gaze fixed on + the fire. She had but strength to reach the side of the bed, + and fell senseless upon it. He started up with a sting of + self-accusation: he had killed her, exacting from her a + promise that by no word would she welcome the wanderer that + night. For she would not have her husband imagine in his + bitterness that she loved the erring son more than the father + whose heart he had all but broken, and had promised. She was, + in truth, nearly as anxious about the one as the other, for + was not the unforgivingness of the one as bad—was it + not even worse than the theft of the other. + </p> + <p> + He lifted her, laid her on the bed, and proceeded to + administer the restoratives he now knew better than any other + how to employ. In a little while he was relieved, her eyelids + began to tremble. "My baby!" she murmured, and the tears + began to flow. + </p> + <p> + "Thank God!" he said, and got her to bed. + </p> + <p> + But strange to say, for all his stern fulfilment of duty, he + did not feel fit to lie down by his wife. He would watch: she + might have another bad turn! + </p> + <p> + From the exhaustion that followed excess of feeling, she + slept. He sat watchful by the fire. She was his only friend, + he said, and now she and he were no more of one mind! Never + until now had they had difference! + </p> + <p> + Hester and the major got Corney to bed, and instantly he was + fast asleep. The major arranged himself to pass the night by + the fire, and Hester went to see what she could do for her + mother. Knocking softly at the door and receiving no answer, + she peeped in: there sat her father and there slept her + mother: she would not disturb them, but, taking her share in + the punishment of him she had brought home, retire without + welcome or good-night. She too was presently fast asleep. + There was no gnawing worm of duty undone or wrong unpardoned + in her bosom to keep her awake. Sorrow is sleepy, pride and + remorse are wakeful. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch52"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LII. + </h2> + <h3> + A HEAVENLY VISION. + </h3> + <p> + The night began differently with the two watchers. The major + was troubled in his mind at what seemed the hard-heartedness + of the mother, for he loved her with a true brotherly + affection. He had not seen her looking in at the door; he did + not know the cause of her appearing so withdrawn and + unmotherly: he forgot his shilling novel and his sherry and + water, and brooded over the thing. He could not endure the + low-minded cub, he said to himself; he would gladly, if only + the wretch were well enough, give him a sound horse-whipping; + but to see him so treated by father and mother was more than + he could bear: he began to pity a lad born of parents so + hard-hearted. What would have become of himself, he thought, + if his mother had treated him so? He had never, to be sure, + committed any crime against society worse than shocking + certain ridiculously proper people; but if she had made much + of his foibles and faults, he might have grown to be capable + of doing how could he tell what? who would turn out a mangy + dog that was his own dog! If the fellow were his he would + know what to do with him! He did not reflect that just + because he was not his, he did not feel the wounds that + disabled from action. It was easy for him unhurt to think + what he would do if he were hurt. Some things seem the harder + to forgive the greater the love. It is but a false seeming, + thank God, and comes only of selfishness, which makes both + the love and the hurt seem greater than they are. + </p> + <p> + And as the major sat thinking and thinking, the story came + back to him which his mother had so often told him and his + brothers, all now gone but himself, as they stood or sat or + lay gathered round her on the Sunday evenings in the + nursery—about the boy that was tired of being at home, + and asked his father for money to go away; and how his father + gave it him, thinking it better he should go than grumble at + the best he could give him; and how he grew very naughty, and + spent his money in buying things that were not worth having, + and in eating and drinking with greedy, coarse, ill behaved + people, till at last he had nothing left to buy food with, + and had to feed swine to earn something; and how he fell a + thinking, and would go home. It all came back to his mind + just as his mother used to tell it—how the poor + prodigal, ragged and dirty and hungry, set out for home, and + how his father spied him coming a great way off, and knew him + at once, and set out running to meet him, and fell on his + neck and kissed him. This father would not even look at the + son that had but just escaped the jaws of death! True, the + prodigal came home repentant; but the father did not wait to + know that, but ran to meet him and fell on his neck and + kissed him! + </p> + <p> + As the major thus reflected, he kept coming nearer and nearer + to the individual I lurking at the keyhole of every story. + Only he had to go home, else how was his father to receive + him. + </p> + <p> + "I wonder now," he said, "if when a man die that is counted + for going home! I hardly think it; that is a thing the man + can't help at all; he has no hand in the doing of it. Who + would come out to meet a fellow because he was flung down + dead at his door. I fear I should find myself in no better + box than this young rascal when he comes home because he + can't help it!" + </p> + <p> + The end of it was that the major, there in the middle of the + night, went down on his knees, and, as he had not now done + since the eve of his last battle, tried to say the prayers + his mother had taught him. Presently he found himself saying + things she had not taught him—speaking from his heart + as if one was listening, one who in the dead of the night did + not sleep, but kept wide awake lest one of his children + should cry. + </p> + <p> + "It is time," said the major to himself the next day, "that I + began to think about going home. I will try again to-night!" + </p> + <p> + In his wife's room Gerald Raymount sat on into the dead waste + and middle of the night. At last, as his wife continued + quietly asleep, he thought he would go down to his study, and + find something to turn his thoughts from his misery. None + such had come to him as to his friend. He had been much more + of a religious man than the major—had his theories + concerning both the first and the second table of the law; + nor had he been merely a talker, though his talk, as with all + talkers, was constantly ahead of his deed: well is it for + those whose talk is not ahead of their endeavor! but it was + the <i>idea</i> of religion, and the thousand ideas it + broods, more than religion itself, that was his delight. He + philosophized and philosophized well of the relations between + man and his maker, of the necessity to human nature of belief + in a God, of the disastrous consequences of having none, and + such like things; but having such an interest is a very + different thing from being in such relations with the father + that the thought of him is an immediate and ever returning + joy and strength. He did not rejoice in the thought of the + inheritance of the saints in light, as the inheriting of the + nature of God, the being made partaker of the father's + essential blessedness: he was far yet from that. He was so + busy understanding with his intellect, that he missed the + better understanding of heart and imagination. He was always + so pleased with the thought of a thing, that he missed the + thing itself—whose <i>possession</i>, and not its + thought is essential. Thus when the trial came, it found him + no true parent. The youth of course could not be received + either as clean-handed or as repentant; but love is at the + heart of every right way, and essential forgiveness at + the-heart of every true treatment of the sinner, even in the + very refusal of external forgiveness. That the father should + not have longed above all things for his son's repentance; + that he should not have met even a seeming return; that he + should have nourished resentment because the youth had sinned + against <i>his</i> family in which beauty as his he had + gloried; that he should care to devise no measures for + generating a sense of the evil he had done, and aiding + repentance as makes forgiveness a necessary consequence; that + he should, instead, ruminate how to make him feel most + poignantly his absolute scorn of him, his loathing of his all + but convict son—this made the man a kind of paternal + Satan who sat watching by the repose of the most Christian, + because most loving, most forgiving, most self-forgetting + mother, stirring up in himself fresh whirlwinds of + indignation at the incredible thing which had become the fact + of facts, lying heaviest, stinging deepest, seeming + unchangeable. That it might prove a blessing, he would have + spurned as a suggestion equally degrading and absurd. "What + is done is done," he would have said, in the mingled despair + of pride and pride of despair; "and all the power of God + cannot make the thing otherwise. We can hold up our heads no + more for ever. My own son has not only disgraced but fooled + me, giving men good cause to say, 'Physician, heal thyself.'" + </p> + <p> + He rose, and treading softly lest he should wake the only + being he <i>felt</i> love for now, and whom he was loving + less than before, for self-love and pride are antagonistic to + all loves, left the room and went to his study. The fire was + not yet out; he stirred it and made it blaze, lighted his + candles, took a book from a shelf, sat down, and tried to + read. But it was no use; his thoughts were such that they + could hold no company with other thoughts: the world of his + kind was shut out; he was a man alone, because a man + unforgiving and unforgiven. His soul slid into the old groove + of miserable self-reiteration whose only result was more + friction-heat; and so the night slid away. + </p> + <p> + The nominal morning, if not the dawn was near, when, behold, + a wonder of the night! The door between the study and the old + library opened so softly that he heard nothing, and ere he + was aware a child in long white gown stood by his side. He + started violently. It was Mark—but asleep! He had seen + his mother and father even more than usually troubled all + day, and their trouble had haunted him in his sleep; it had + roused him without waking him from his dreams, and the spirit + of love had directed his feet to the presence of his father. + He stood a little way from him, his face white as his dress, + not a word issuing from his mouth, silent, haunted by a smile + of intense quiet, as of one who, being comforted, would + comfort. There was also in the look a slight something like + idiocy, for his soul was not precisely with his body; his + thoughts, though concerning his father, were elsewhere; the + circumstances of his soul and of his body were not the same; + and so, being twinned, that is, divided, <i>twained</i>, he + was as one beside himself. His eyes, although open, evidently + saw nothing; and thus he stood for a little time. + </p> + <p> + There had never been tender relations between Mark and his + father like those between the boy and his mother and sister. + His father was always kind to him, but betwixt him and his + boys he had let grow a sort of hard skin. He had not come so + near to them as to the feminine portion of his + family—shrank indeed from close relations with their + spirits, thoughts or intents. It arose, I imagine, from an + excess of the masculine element in his nature. Even when as + merest children they came to be kissed before going to bed, + he did not like the contact of their faces with his. No + woman, and perhaps not many men will understand this; but it + was always a relief to Mr. Raymount to have the nightly + ceremony over. He thought there was nothing he would not do + for their good; and I think his heart must in the main have + been right towards them: he could hardly love and honour his + wife as he did, and not love the children she had given him. + But the clothes of his affections somehow did not sit easy on + him, and there was a good deal in his behaviour to Cornelius + that had operated unfavourably on the mind of the youth. Even + Mark, although, as I have said, he loved him as few boys love + a father, was yet a little afraid of him—never went to + him with confidence—never snuggled close to + him—never sat down by his side to read his book in a + heaven of twilight peace, as he would by his mother's. He + would never have gone to his father's room for refuge from + sleeplessness. + </p> + <p> + Not recognizing his condition his father was surprised and + indeed annoyed as well as startled to see him: he was in no + mood for such a visit. He felt also strangely afraid of the + child, he could not have told why. Wretched about one son, he + was dismayed at the nocturnal visit of the other. The cause + was of course his wrong condition of mind; lack of truth and + its harmony in ourselves alone can make us miserable; there + is a cure for everything when that is cured. No ill in our + neighbours, if we be right in ourselves, will ever seem + hopeless to us; but while we stand wrapped in our own + selfishness, our neighbour may well seem incurable; for not + only is there nothing in us to help their redemption, but + there is that in ourselves, and cherished in us, which cannot + be forgiven, but must be utterly destroyed. + </p> + <p> + There was an unnatural look, at the same time pitiful and + lovely, about the boy, and the father sat and stared in + gathering dread. He had nearly imagined him an angel of some + doom. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly the child stretched out his hands to him, and with + upcast, beseeching face, and eyes that seemed to be seeing + far off, came close to his knee. Then the father remembered + how once before, when a tiny child, he had walked in his + sleep, and how, suddenly wakened from it, he had gone into a + kind of fit, and had for a long time ailed from the shock. + Instantly anxious that nothing of the kind should occur + again, he took the child softly in his arms, lifted him to + his knees, and held him gently to his bosom. An expression of + supreme delight came over the boy's face—a look of + absolute contentment mingled with hope. He put his thin hands + together, palm to palm, as if saying his prayers, but lifted + his countenance to that of his father. His gaze, however, + though not its direction, was still to the infinite. And now + his lips began to move, and a murmur came from them, which + grew into words audible. He was indeed praying to his father, + but a father closer to him than the one upon whose knees he + sat. + </p> + <p> + "Dear God," said the child—and before I blame the + familiarity, I must know that God is displeased with such + address from the mouth of a child: for this was not a taught + prayer he neither meant nor felt— + </p> + <p> + "Dear God!" said the child, "I don't know what to do, for + papa and Corney, I am afraid, are both naughty. I would not + say so to anybody but you, God, for papa is your little boy + as I am his little boy, and you know all about it. I don't + know what it is, and I think Corney must be more to blame + than my dear papa, but when he came home to-night he did not + go to papa, and papa did not go to him. They never said How + do you do, or Good-night—and Corney very ill too! and I + am always wanting to come to you, God, to see you. O God, you + are our big papa! please put it all right. I don't know how, + or I would tell you; but it doesn't matter—you would + only smile at my way, and take a much better one of your own. + But please, dear God, make papa and Corney good, and never + mind their naughtiness, only make it just nothing at all. You + know they must love one another. I will not pray a word more, + for I know you will do just what I want. Good-by, God; I'm + going to bed now—down there. I'll come again soon." + </p> + <p> + With that he slipped from his father's knee, who did not dare + to detain him, and walked from the room with slow stately + step. + </p> + <p> + By this time the heart of the strong hard man was swelling + with the love which, in it all along, was now awake. He could + not weep, but sobbed dry, torturing sobs, that seemed as if + they would kill him. But he must see that the boy was safe in + bed, and rising he left the room. + </p> + <p> + In the corridor he breathed more freely. Through an old + window, the bright moon, shining in peace with nobody to see, + threw partly on the wall and partly on the floor, a + shadow-cross, the only thing to catch the eye in the thin + light. Severe protestant as Gerald Raymount was, he found + himself on his knees in the passage before the + shadow—not praying, not doing anything he knew, but + under some spiritual influence known only to God. + </p> + <p> + When the something had reached its height, and the passion + for the time was over—when the rush of the huge tidal + wave of eternity had subsided, and his soul was clearing of + the storm that had swept through it, he rose from his knees + and went up to Mark's room, two stories higher. The moonlight + was there too, for the boy had drawn back the window-curtains + that from his pillow he might see the stars, and the father + saw his child's white bed glimmering like a tomb. He drew + near, but through the gray darkness it was some seconds + before he could rightly see the face of his boy, and for a + moment—I wonder how brief a moment is enough for a + death-pang to feel eternal!—for an awful moment he felt + as if he had lost him: when he left the study he had been + lifted straight to the bosom of the Father to whom he had + prayed! Slow through the dusk dawned his face. He had not + then been taken bodily!—not the less was he + gone!—that was a dead face! But as he gazed in a + fascination of fear, his eyes grew abler to distinguish, and + he saw that he breathed. He was astonished to find how weak + was the revulsion: we know more about our feelings than about + anything else, yet scarcely understand them at all; they play + what seem to us the strangest pranks—moving all the + time by laws divine. + </p> + <p> + The boy seemed in his usual health, and was sleeping + peacefully—dreaming pleasantly, for the ghost of a + smile glinted about his just parted lips. Then upon the + father—who was not, with all his hardness, devoid of + imagination—came the wonder of watching a dreamer: what + might not be going on within that brain, inaccessible as the + most distant star?—yea far more inaccessible, for what + were gravity and distance compared with difficulties unnamed + and unnamable! No spirit-shallop has yet been found to float + us across the gulf, say rather the invisible line, that + separates soul from soul. Splendrous visions might be gliding + through the soul of the sleeper—his child, born of his + body and his soul—and not one of them was open to him! + not one of the thoughts whose lambent smile-flame flitted + about his child's lips would pass from him to him! Could they + be more divided if the child were dead, than now when he lay, + in his sight indeed, yet remote in regions of separate + existence? + </p> + <p> + But how much nearer to him in reality was the child when + awake and about the house? How much more did he know then of + the thoughts, the loves, the imaginations, the desires, the + aspirations that moved in the heart and brain of the child? + For all that his contact with him came to, he might as well + be dead! A phantom of him moving silent about the house fill + the part as well! The boy was sickly: he might be taken from + him ere he had made any true acquaintance with him! he was + just the child to die young! He would see him again, it was + to be hoped, in the other world, but the boy would have so + few memories of him, so few associations with him that it + would be hard to knot the new to the old! + </p> + <p> + He turned away, and went back to his room. There, with a + sense of loneliness deeper than he had ever before felt, he + went down on his knees to beg the company of the great being + whose existence he had so often defended as if it were in + danger from his creatures, but whom he had so little regarded + as actually existent that he had not yet sought refuge with + him. All the house was asleep—the major had long ended + his prayers and was slumbering by the fire—when + Raymount knelt before the living love, the source of his + life, and of all the love that makes life a good thing, and + rose from his knees a humbler man. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch53"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LIII. + </h2> + <h3> + A SAD BEGINNING. + </h3> + <p> + Towards morning he went to bed, and slept late—heavily + and unreposefully; and, alas! when he woke, there was the old + feeling returned! How <i>could</i> he forgive the son that + had so disgraced him! + </p> + <p> + Instead of betaking himself afresh to the living strength, he + began—not directly to fight himself, but to try to + argue himself right, persuading himself on philosophical + grounds that it was better to forgive his son; that it was + the part of a wise man, the part of one who had respect to + his own dignity, to abstain from harshness, nor drive the + youth to despair: he was his own son—he must do what he + could for him!—and so on! But he had little success. + Anger and pride were too much for him. His breakfast was + taken to him in the study, and there Hester found him, an + hour after, with it untasted. He submitted to her embrace, + but scarcely spoke, and asked nothing about Corney. Hester + felt sadly chilled, and very hopeless. But she had begun to + learn that one of the principal parts of faith is patience, + and that the setting of wrong things right is so far from + easy that not even God can do it all at once. But time is + nothing to him who sees the end from the beginning; he does + not grudge thousands of years of labor. The things he cares + to do for us require our co-operation, and that makes the + great difficulty: we are such poor fellow-workers with him! + All that seems to deny his presence and labour only, + necessitates a larger theory of that presence and labour. Yet + time lies heavy on the young especially, and Hester left the + room with a heavy heart. + </p> + <p> + The only way in such stubbornnesses of the spirit, when we + cannot feel that we are wrong, is to open our hearts, in + silence and loneliness and prayer, to the influences from + above—stronger for the right than any for the wrong; to + seek the sweet enablings of the living light to see things as + they are—as God sees them, who never is wrong because + he has no selfishness, but is the living Love and the living + Truth, without whom there would be no love and no truth. To + rise humbly glorious above our low self, to choose the yet + infant self that is one with Christ, who sought never his own + but the things of his father and brother, is the redemption + begun, and the inheritance will follow. Mr. Raymount, like + most of us, was a long way indeed from this yet. He strove + hard to reconcile the memories of the night with the feelings + of the morning—strove to realize a state of mind in + which a measure of forgiveness to his son blended with a + measure of satisfaction to the wounded pride he called + paternal dignity. How could he take his son to his bosom as + he was? he asked—-but did not ask how he was to draw + him to repentance! He did not think of the tender entreaty + with which, by the mouths of his prophets, God pleads with + his people to come back to him. If the father, instead of + holding out his arms to the child he would entice to his + bosom, folds them on that bosom and turns his + back—expectant it may be, but giving no sign of + expectancy, the child will hardly suppose him longing to be + reconciled. No doubt there are times when and children with + whom any show of affection is not only useless but injurious, + tending merely to increase their self-importance, and in such + case the child should not see the parent at all, but it was + the opposite reason that made it better Cornelius should not + yet see his father; he would have treated him so that he + would only have hated him. + </p> + <p> + For a father not to forgive is in truth far worse than for a + son to need forgiveness; and such a father will of course go + from bad to worse as well as the son, except he repent. The + shifty, ungenerous spirit of compromise awoke in Raymount. He + would be very good, very gentle, very kind to every one else + in the house! He would, like Ahab, walk softly; he was not + ready to walk uprightly: his forgiveness he would postpone! + He knew his feelings towards Corney were wearing out the + heart of his wife—but not yet would he yield! There was + little Mark, however, he would make more of him, know him + better, and make the child know him better! I doubt if to + know his father better just then would have been for Mark to + love him more. + </p> + <p> + He went to see how his wife was. Finding that, + notwithstanding all she had gone through the day before, she + was a trifle better, he felt a little angry and not a little + annoyed: what added to his misery was a comfort to her! she + was the happier for having her worthless son! In the + selfishness of his misery he looked upon this as lack of + sympathy with himself. Such weakness vexed him too, in the + wife to whom he had for so many years looked up with more + than respect, with even unacknowledged reverence. He did not + allude to Cornelius, but said he was going for a walk, and + went to find Mark—with a vague hope of consolation in + the child who had clung to him so confidently in the night. + He had forgotten it was not to him <i>his soul</i> had clung, + but to the father of both. + </p> + <p> + Mark was in the nursery, as the children's room was still + called. The two never quarrelled; had they been two Saffies, + they would have quarrelled and made it up twenty times a day. + When Mark heard his father's step, he bounded to meet him; + and when his sweet moonlit rather than sunshiny face appeared + at the door, the gloom on his father's yielded a little; the + gleam of a momentary smile broke over it, and he said kindly: + </p> + <p> + "Come, Mark, I want you to go for a walk with me." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, papa," answered the boy.—"May Saffy come too?" + </p> + <p> + The father was not equal however to the company of two of his + children, and Mark alone proceeded to get ready, while Saffy + sulked in a corner. + </p> + <p> + But he was not doing the right thing in taking him out. He + ought to have known that the boy was not able for anything to + be called a walk; neither was the weather fit for his going + out. But absorbed in his own trouble, the father did not + think of his weakness; and Hester not being by to object, + away they went. Mark was delighted to be his father's + companion, never doubted all was right that he wished, and + forgot his weakness as entirely as did his father. + </p> + <p> + With his heart in such a state the father naturally had next + to nothing to say to his boy, and they walked on in silence. + The silence did not affect Mark; he was satisfied to be with + his father whether he spoke to him or not—too blessed + in the long silences between him and God to dislike silence. + It was no separation—so long as like speech it was + between them. For a long time he was growing tired without + knowing it: when weariness became conscious at last, it was + all at once, and poor Mark found he could scarcely put one + leg past the other. + </p> + <p> + The sun had been shining when they started—beautiful + though not very warm spring-sun, but now it was clouded and + rain was threatened. They were in the middle of a bare, + lonely moor, easily reached from the house, but of + considerable extent, and the wind had begun to blow cold. + Sunk in his miserable thoughts, the more miserable that he + had now yielded even the pretence of struggle, and relapsed + into unforgiving unforgivenness, the father saw nothing of + his child's failing strength, but kept trudging on. All at + once he became aware that the boy was not by his side. He + looked round: he was nowhere visible. Alarmed, he stopped, + and turning, called his name aloud. The wind was blowing the + other way, and that might be the cause of his hearing no + reply. He called again, and this time thought he heard a + feeble response. He retraced his steps rapidly. + </p> + <p> + Some four or five hundred yards back, he came to a hollow, + where on a tuft of brown heather, sat Mark, looking as white + as the vapour-like moon in the daytime. + </p> + <p> + His anxiety relieved, the father felt annoyed, and rated the + little fellow for stopping behind. + </p> + <p> + "I wasn't able to keep up, papa," replied Mark. "So I thought + I would rest a while, and meet you as you came back." + </p> + <p> + "You ought to have told me. I shouldn't have brought you had + I known you would behave so. Come, get up, we must go home." + </p> + <p> + "I'm very sorry, papa, but I think I can't." + </p> + <p> + "Nonsense!" + </p> + <p> + "There's something gone wrong in my knee." + </p> + <p> + "Try," said his father, again frightened. Mark had never + shown himself whimsical. + </p> + <p> + He obeyed and rose, but with a little cry dropped on the + ground. He had somehow injured his knee that he could not + walk a step. + </p> + <p> + His father stooped to lift him. + </p> + <p> + "I'll carry you, Markie," he said. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, no, no, you must not, papa! It will tire you! Set me on + that stone, and send Jacob. He carries a sack of meal, and + I'm not so heavy as a sack of meal." + </p> + <p> + His father was already walking homeward with him. The next + moment Mark spied the waving of a dress. + </p> + <p> + "Oh," he cried, "there's Hessie! She will carry me!" + </p> + <p> + "You little goose!" said his father tenderly, "can she carry + you better than I can?" + </p> + <p> + "She is not stronger than you, papa, because you are a big + man; but I think Hessie has more carry in her. She has such + strong arms!" + </p> + <p> + Hester was running, and when she came near was quite out of + breath. + </p> + <p> + She had feared how it would be when she found her father had + taken Mark for a walk, and her first feeling was of anger, + for she had inherited not a little of her father's spirit: + indirectly the black sheep had roused evils in the flock + unknown before. Never in her life had Hester been aware of + such a feeling as that with which she now hurried to meet her + father. When, however, she saw the boy's arms round his + father's neck, and his cheek laid against his, her anger went + from her, and she was sorry and ashamed, notwithstanding that + she knew by Mark's face, of which she understood every light + and shade, that he was suffering much. + </p> + <p> + "Let me take him, papa," she said. + </p> + <p> + The father had no intention of giving up the child. But + before he knew, Mark had stretched his arms to Hester, and + was out of his into hers. Instinctively trying to retain him, + he hurt him, and the boy gave a little cry. Thereupon with a + new pang of pain, and a new sting of resentment, which he + knew unreasonable but could not help, he let him go and + followed in distressed humiliation. + </p> + <p> + Hester's heart was very sore because of this new grief, but + she saw some hope in it. + </p> + <p> + "He is too heavy for you, Hester," said her father. "Surely + as it is my fault, I ought to bear the penalty!" + </p> + <p> + "It's no penalty—is it, Markie?" said Hester merrily. + </p> + <p> + "No, Hessie," replied Mark, almost merrily. "—You don't + know how strong Hessie is, papa!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I am very strong. And you ain't heavy—are you, + Markie?" + </p> + <p> + "No," answered Mark; "I feel so light sometimes, I think I + could fly; only I don't like to try for fear I couldn't. I + like to think perhaps I could." + </p> + <p> + By and by Hester found, with all her good will, that her + strength was of the things that can be shaken, and was + obliged to yield him to her father. It was much to his + relief, for a sense of moral weakness had invaded him as he + followed his children: he was rejected of his family, and had + become a nobody in it! + </p> + <p> + When at length they reached home, Mark was put to bed, and + the doctor sent for. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch54"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LIV. + </h2> + <h3> + MOTHER AND SON. + </h3> + <p> + In the meantime Cornelius kept his bed. The moment her + husband was gone, his mother rose and hastened to her son! + Here again was a discord! for the first time since their + marriage, a jarring action: the wife was glad the husband was + gone that she might do what was right without annoying him: + with all her strength of principle, she felt too weak to go + openly against him, though she never dreamt of concealing + what she did. She tottered across his floor, threw herself on + the bed beside him, and took him to her bosom. + </p> + <p> + With his mother Corney had never pretended to the same degree + as with other people, and his behaviour to her was now more + genuine than to any but his wife. He clung to her as he had + never clung since his infancy; and felt that, let his father + behave to him as he might, he had yet a home. All the morning + he had been fretting, in the midst of Hester's kindest + attentions, that he had not his wife to do things for him as + he liked them done;—and in all such things as required + for their well-doing a fitting of self to the notions of + another, Amy was indeed before Hester—partly, perhaps, + in virtue of having been a little while married. But now that + Cornelius had his mother, he was more content, or rather less + discontented—more agreeable in truth than she had known + him since first he went to business. She felt greatly + consoled, and he so happy with her that he began to wish that + he had not a secret from her—for the first time in his + life to be sorry that he was in possession of one. He grew + even anxious that she should know it, but none the less + anxious that he should not have to tell it. + </p> + <p> + A great part of the time when her husband supposed her + asleep, she had been lying wide awake, thinking of the Corney + she had lost, and the Corney that had come home to her + instead: she was miserable over the altered looks of her + disfigured child. The truest of mothers, with all her love + for the real and indifference to outsides, can hardly be + expected to reconcile herself with ease to a new face on her + child: she has loved him in one shape, and now has to love + him in another! It was almost as if she had received again + another child—her own indeed, but taken from her the + instant he was born and never seen by her since—whom, + now she saw him, she had to learn to love in a shape + different from that in which she had been accustomed to + imagine him. His sad, pock-marked face had a torturing + fascination for her. It was almost pure pain, yet she could + not turn her eyes from it. She reproached herself that it + gave her pain, yet was almost indignant with the face she saw + for usurping the place of her boy's beauty: through that mask + she must force her way to the real beneath it! At the same + time very pity made her love with a new and deeper tenderness + the poor spoilt visage, pathetic in its ugliness. Not a word + did she utter of reproach: his father would do—was + doing enough for both in that way! Every few minutes she + would gaze intently in his face for a moment, and then clasp + him to her heart as if seeking a shorter way to his presence + than through the ruined door of his countenance. + </p> + <p> + Hester, who had never received from her half so much show of + tenderness, could not help, like the elder brother in the + divine tale, a little choking at the sight, but she soon + consoled herself that the less poor Corney deserved it the + more he needed it. The worst of it to Hester was that she + could not with any confidence look on the prodigal as a + repentant one; and if he was not, all this tenderness, she + feared and with reason, would do him harm, causing him to + think less of his crime, and blinding him to his low moral + condition. But she thought also that God would do what he + could to keep the love of such a mother from hurting; and it + was not long before she was encouraged by a softness in + Corney's look, and a humid expression in his eyes which she + had never seen before. Doubtless had he been as in former + days, he would have turned from such over flow of love as + womanish gush; but disgraced, worn out, and even to his own + eyes an unpleasant object, he was not so much inclined to + repel the love of the only one knowing his story who did not + feel for him more or less contempt. Sometimes in those + terrible half-dreams in the dark of early morn when suddenly + waked by conscience to hold a + <i>tête-à-tête</i> with her, he would + imagine himself walking into the bank, and encountering the + eyes of all the men on his way to his uncle, whom next to his + father he feared—then find himself running for refuge + to the bosom of his mother. She was true to him yet! he would + say: yes, he used the word! he said <i>true!</i> Slowly, + slowly, something was working on him—now in the + imagined judgment of others, now in the thought of his wife, + now in the devotion of his mother. Little result was there + for earthly eye, but the mother's perceived or imagined a + difference in him. If only she could descry something plain + to tell her husband! If the ice that froze up the spring of + his love would but begin to melt! For to whom are we to go + for refuge from ourselves if not to those through whom we + were born into the world, and who are to blame for more or + less of our unfitness for a true life?—"His father + <i>must</i> forgive him!" she said to herself. She would go + down on her knees to him. Their boy should <i>not</i> be left + out in the cold! If he had been guilty, what was that to the + cruel world so ready to punish, so ready to do worse! The + mother still carried in her soul the child born of her body, + preparing for him the new and better, the all-lovely birth of + repentance unto life. + </p> + <p> + Hester had not yet said a word about her own affairs. No one + but the major knew that her engagement to lord Gartley was + broken. She was not willing to add yet an element of + perturbance to the overcharged atmosphere; she would not add + disappointment to grief. + </p> + <p> + In the afternoon the major, who had retired to the village, + two miles off, the moment his night-watch was relieved, made + his appearance, in the hope of being of use. He saw only + Hester, who could give him but a few minutes. No sooner did + he learn of Mark's condition, than he insisted on taking + charge of him. He would let her know at once if he wanted to + see her or any one: she might trust him to his care! + </p> + <p> + "I am quite as good at nursing—I don't say as you, + cousin Hester, or your mother, but as any ordinary woman. You + will see I am! I know most of the newest wrinkles, and will + carry them out." + </p> + <p> + Hester could not be other than pleased with the proposal; for + having both her mother and Corney to look after, and Miss + Dasomma or Amy to write to every day, she had feared the + patient Mark might run some risk of being neglected. To be + sure Saffy had a great notion of nursing, but her ideas were + in some respects, to say the least, a little peculiar; and + though at times she was a great gain in the sick room, she + could hardly be intrusted with entire management of the same. + So the major took the position of head-nurse, with Saffy for + aid, and one of the servants for orderly. + </p> + <p> + Hester's mind was almost constantly occupied with thinking + how she was to let her father and mother know what they must + know soon, and ought to know as soon as possible. She would + tell her father first; her mother should not know till he + did: she must not have the anxiety of how he would take it! + But she could not see how to set about it. She had no light, + and seemed to have no leading—felt altogether at a + standstill, without impulse or energy. + </p> + <p> + She waited, therefore, as she ought; for much harm comes of + the impatience that outstrips guidance. People are too ready + to think <i>something</i> must be done, and forget that the + time for action may not have arrived, that there is seldom + more than one thing fit to be done, and that the wrong thing + must in any case be worse than nothing. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius grew gradually better, and at last was able to go + down stairs. But the weather continued so far unfavourable + that he could not go out. He had not yet seen his father, and + his dread of seeing him grew to a terror. He never went down + until he knew he was not in the house, and then would in + general sit at some window that commanded the door by which + he was most likely to enter. He enticed Saffy from attendance + on Mark to be his scout, and bring him word in what direction + his father went. This did the child incalculable injury. The + father was just as anxious to avoid him, fully intending, if + he met him, to turn his back upon him. But it was a rambling + and roomy old house, and there was plenty of space for both. + A whole week passed and they had not met—to the + disappointment of Hester, who cherished some hope in a chance + encounter. + </p> + <p> + She had just one consolation: ever since she had Cornelius + safe under her wing, the mother had been manifestly + improving. But even this was a source of dissatisfaction to + the brooding selfishness of the unhealthy-minded father. He + thought with himself—"Here have I been heart and soul + nursing her through the illness he caused her, and all in + vain till she gets the rascal back, and then she begins at + once to improve! She would be perfectly happy with him if she + and I never saw each other again!" + </p> + <p> + The two brothers had not yet met. For one thing, Corney + disliked the major, and for another, the major objected to an + interview. He felt certain the disfigurement of Corney would + distress Mark too much, and retard the possible recovery of + which he was already in great doubt. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch55"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LV. + </h2> + <h3> + MISS DASOMMA AND AMY. + </h3> + <p> + Miss Dasomma was quite as much pleased with Amy as she had + expected to be, and that was not a little. She found her very + ignorant in the regions of what is commonly called education, + but very quick in understanding where human relation came in. + A point in construction or composition she would forget + immediately; but once shown a possibility of misunderstanding + avoidable by a certain arrangement, Amy would recall the fact + the moment she made again the mistake. Her teachableness, + coming largely of her trustfulness, was indeed a remarkable + point in her character. It was partly through this that + Corney gained his influence over her: superior knowledge was + to her a sign of superior goodness. + </p> + <p> + She began at once to teach her music: the sooner a beginning + was made the better! Her fingers were stiff, but so was her + will: the way she stuck to her work was pathetic. Here also + she understood quickly, but the doing of what she understood + she found very hard—the more so that her spirit was but + ill at ease. Corney had deceived her; he had done something + wrong besides; she was parted from him, and could realize + little of his surroundings; all was very different from what + she had expected in marrying her Corney! Also, from her + weariness and anxiety in nursing him, and from other causes + as well, her health was not what it had been. Then Hester's + letters were a little stiff! She felt it without knowing what + she felt, or why they made her uncomfortable. It was from no + pride or want of love they were such, but from her + uncertainty—the discomfort of knowing they were no + nearer a solution of their difficulty than when they parted + at the railway: she did not even know yet what she was going + to do in the matter! This prevented all free flow of + communication. Unable to say what she would have liked to + say, unwilling to tell the uncomfortable condition of things, + there rose a hedge and seemed to sink a gulf between her and + her sister. Amy therefrom, naturally surmised that the family + was not willing to receive her, and that the same + unwillingness though she was too good to yield to it, was in + Hester also. It was not in her. How she might have taken his + marriage had Corney remained respectable, I am not sure; but + she knew that the main hope for her brother lay in his love + for Amy and her devotion to him—in her common sense, + her true, honest, bright nature. She was only far too good + for Corney! + </p> + <p> + Then again Amy noted, for love and anxiety made her very + sharp, that Miss Dasomma did not read to her every word of + Hester's letters. Once she stopped suddenly in the middle of + a sentence, and after a pause went on with another! Something + was there she was not to know! It might have some reference + to her husband! If so, then something was not going right + with him! Was he worse and were they afraid to tell her, lest + she should go to him! Perhaps they were treating him as her + aunts treated her—making his life miserable—and + she not with him to help him to bear it! All no doubt because + she had married him! It explained his deceiving her! If he + had told them, as he ought to have done, they would not have + let her have him at all, and what would have become of her + without her Corney! He ought not certainly to have told her + lies, but if anything could excuse him, so that making the + best of things, and excusing her husband all she could, she + was in danger of lowering her instinctively high sense of + moral obligation. + </p> + <p> + She brooded over the matter but not long, she threw herself + on her knees, and begged her friend to let her know what the + part of her sister's letter she had not read to her was + about. + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear," said Miss Dasomma, "Hester and I have been + friends for many years, and we may well have things to say to + each other we should not care that even one we loved so much + as you should hear?—A lady must not be inquisitive, you + know." + </p> + <p> + "I know that, and I never did pry into other people's + affairs. Tell me it was nothing about my husband, and I shall + be quite content." + </p> + <p> + "But think a moment, Amy!" returned Miss Dasomma, who began + to find herself in a difficulty; "there might be things + between his family and him, who have known him longer than + you, which they were not quite prepared to tell you all about + before knowing you better. Some people in the way they + treated you would have been very different from that angel + sister of yours! There is nobody like her—that I know!" + </p> + <p> + "I love her with my whole heart," replied Amy + sobbing—"next to Cornelius. But even she must not come + between him and me. If it is anything affecting him, his wife + has a right to know about it—a greater right than any + one else; and no one has a right to conceal it from her!" + </p> + <p> + "Why do you think that?" asked Miss Dasomma, entirely + agreeing with her that she had a right to know, but thinking + also, in spite of logic, that one might have a right to + conceal it notwithstanding. She was anxious to temporize, for + she did not see how to answer her appeal. She could not tell + her a story, and she did not feel at liberty to tell her the + truth; and if she declined to answer her question, the poor + child might imagine something dreadful. + </p> + <p> + "Why, miss," answered Amy, "we can't be divided! I must do + what I can—all I can for him, and I have a right to + know what there is to be done for him." + </p> + <p> + "But can you not trust his own father and mother?" said Miss + Dasomma—and as she said it, her conscience accused her. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, surely," replied Amy, "if they were loving him, and not + angry with him. But I have seen even that angel Hester look + very vexed with him sometimes, and that when he was ill too! + and I know he will never stand that: he will run away as I + did. I know what your own people can do to make you + miserable! They say a woman must leave all for her husband, + and that's true; but it is the other way in the Bible—I + read it this morning! In the Bible it is—'a man shall + leave father and mother and cleave to his wife;' and after + that who will say there ought to be anything between him and + his parents she don't know about. It's <i>she</i> that's got + to look after the man given to her like that!" + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma looked with admiration at the little + creature—showing fight like a wren for her nest. How + rapidly she was growing! how noble she was and free! She was + indeed a treasure! The man she had married was little worthy + of her, but if she rescued him, not from his parents, but + from himself, she might perhaps have done as good a work as + helping a noble-hearted man! + </p> + <p> + "I've got him to look after," she resumed, "and I will. He's + mine, miss! If anybody's not doing right by him, I ought to + be by and see him through it." + </p> + <p> + Here Miss Dasomma's prudence for a moment forsook her: who + shall explain such <i>accidents</i>! It stung her to hear her + friends suspected of behaving unjustly. + </p> + <p> + "That's all you know, Amy!" she blurted out—and bit her + lip in vexation with herself. + </p> + <p> + Amy was upon her like a cat upon a mouse. + </p> + <p> + "What is it?" she cried. "I <i>must</i> know what it is! You + shall <i>not</i> keep me in the dark! I <i>must</i> do my + duty by my husband. If you do not tell me, I will go to him." + </p> + <p> + In terror at what might be that result of her hasty remark, + Miss Dasomma faltered, reddened, and betrayed considerable + embarrassment. A prudent person, lapsing into a dilemma, is + specially discomfitted. She had committed no offence against + love, had been guilty of no selfishness or meanness, yet was + in miserable predicament. Amy saw, and was the more convinced + and determined. She persisted, and Miss Dasomma knew that she + would persist. Presently, however, she recovered herself a + little. + </p> + <p> + "How can you wonder," she said with confused vagueness, "when + you know he deceived you, and never told them he was going to + marry you?" + </p> + <p> + "But they know nothing of it yet—at least from the way + Hester writes!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but one who could behave like that would be only too + likely to give other grounds of offence." + </p> + <p> + "Then there <i>is</i> something more—something I know + nothing about!" exclaimed Amy. "I suspected it the moment I + saw Hester's face at the door!"—she might have said + before that.—"I <i>must</i> know what it is!" she went + on. "I may be young and silly, but I know what a wife owes to + her husband; and a wife who cares for nothing but her husband + can do more for him than anybody else can. Know all about it + I will! It is my business!" + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma was dumb. She had waked a small but active + volcano at her feet, which, though without design against + vineyards and villages, would go to its ends regardless of + them! She must either answer her questions or persuade her + not to ask any. + </p> + <p> + "I beg, Amy," she said with entreaty "you will do nothing + rash. Can you not trust friends who have proved themselves + faithful?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; for myself," answered Amy: "but it is my + <i>husband</i>!"—She almost screamed the + word.—"And I will trust nobody to take care enough of + <i>him</i>. They can't know how to treat him or he would love + them more, and would not have been afraid to let them know he + was marrying a poor girl. Miss Dasomma, what have you got + against him? I have no fear you will tell me anything but the + truth!" + </p> + <p> + "Of course not!" returned Miss Dasomma, offended, but + repressing all show of her feeling.—"Why then will you + not trust me?" + </p> + <p> + "I will believe whatever you say; but I will not trust even + you to tell or not tell me as you please where my husband is + concerned. That would be to give up my duty to him. Tell me + what it is, or—" + </p> + <p> + She did not finish the sentence: the postman's knock came to + the door, and she bounded off to see what he had brought, + leaving Miss Dasomma in fear lest she should appropriate a + letter not addressed to her. She returned with a look of + triumph—a look so wildly exultant that her hostess was + momentarily alarmed for her reason. + </p> + <p> + "Now I shall know the truth!" she said. "This is from + himself!" + </p> + <p> + And with that she flew to her room. Miss Dasomma should not + hear a word of it! How dared she keep from her what she knew + about her husband! + </p> + <p> + It was Corney's first letter to her. It was filled, not with + direct complaints, but a general grumble. Here is a part of + it. + </p> + <p> + "I do wish you were here, Amy, my own dearest! I love nobody + like you—I love nobody but you. If I did wrong in + telling you a few diddle-daddies, it was because I loved you + so I could not do without you. And what comforts me for any + wrong I have done is that I have you. That would make up to a + man for anything short of being hanged! You little witch, how + did you contrive to make a fool of a man like me! I should + have been in none of this scrape but for you! My mother is + very kind to me, of course—ever so much better company + than Hester! she never looks as if a fellow had to be put up + with, or forgiven, or anything of that sort, in her high and + mighty way. But you do get tired of a mother always keeping + on telling you how much she loves you. You can't help + thinking there must be something behind it all. Depend upon + it she wants something of you—wants you to be good, I + daresay—to repent, don't you know, as they call it! + They're all right, I suppose, but it ain't nice for all that. + And that Hester has never told my father yet. + </p> + <p> + "I haven't even seen my father. He has not come near me once! + Saffy wouldn't look at me for a long time—that's the + last of the litter, you know; she shrieked when they called + to her to come to me, and cried, 'That's ugly Corney! I won't + have ugly Corney!' So you may see how I am used! But I've got + her under my thumb at last, and she's useful. Then there's + that prig Mark! I always liked the little wretch, though he + is such a precious humbug! He's in bed—put out his + knee, or something. He never had any stamina in him! + Scrofulous, don't you know! They won't let me go near + him—for fear of frightening him! But that's that + braggart, major Marvel—and a marvel he is, I can tell + you! He comes to me sometimes, and makes me hate + him—talks as if I wasn't as good as he,—as if I + wasn't even a gentleman! Many's the time I long to be back in + the garret—horrid place! alone with my little Amy!" + </p> + <p> + So went the letter. + </p> + <p> + When Amy next appeared before Miss Dasomma, she was in + another mood. Her eyes were red with weeping, and her hair + was in disorder. She had been lying now on the bed, now on + the floor, tearing her hair, and stuffing her handkerchief in + her mouth. + </p> + <p> + "Well, what is the news?" asked Miss Dasomma, as kindly as + she could speak, and as if she saw nothing particular in her + appearance. + </p> + <p> + "You must excuse me," replied Amy, with the stiffness of a + woman of the world resenting intrusion. But the next moment + she said, "Do not think me unkind, miss; there is nothing, + positively nothing in the letter interesting to any one but + myself." + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma said nothing more. Perhaps she was going to + escape without further questioning! and though not a little + anxious as to what the letter might contain to have put the + poor girl in such a state, she would not risk the asking of a + single question more. + </p> + <p> + The solemn fact was, that his letter, in conjunction with the + word Miss Dasomma let slip, had at last begun to open Amy's + eyes a little to the real character of her husband. She had + herself seen a good deal of his family, and found it hard to + believe they would treat him unkindly, nor did he exactly say + so; but his father had not been once to see him since his + return!—Corney had not mentioned that he himself, had + all he could, avoided meeting his father.—If then they + did not yet know he was married, that other thing—the + cause for such treatment of a son just escaped the jaws of + death, must be a very serious one! It might be very hard, it + might be even unfair treatment—she could not tell; but + there must be something to explain it—something to show + it not altogether the monstrous thing it seemed! I do not say + she reasoned thus, but her genius reasoned thus for her. + </p> + <p> + Of course it must be the same thing that made him take to the + garret and hide there! The more she thought of it the more + convinced was she that he had done something hideously wrong. + It was a sore conviction to her, and would have been a sorer + yet had she understood his playful blame of her in the + letter. But such was the truth of her devotion that she would + only have felt accountable for the wrong, and bent body and + soul to make up for it. From the first glimmer of certainty + as to the uncertain facts she saw with absolute clearness + what she must do. There was that in the tone of the letter + also, which, while it distressed her more than she was + willing to allow, strengthened her + determination—especially the way in which he spoke of + his mother, for she not only remembered her kindness at + Burcliff, but loved the memory of her own mother with her + whole bright soul. But what troubled her most of all was that + he should be so careless about the wrong he had done, + whatever it was. "I must know all about it!" she said to + herself, "or how am I to help him?" It seemed to her the most + natural thing that when one has done wrong, he should confess + it and confess it wrong—so have done with it, disowning + and casting away the cursed thing: this, alas, Cornelius did + not seem inclined to do! But was she, of all women in the + world, to condemn him without knowing what he had to say for + himself? She was bound to learn the truth of the thing, if + only to give her husband fair play, which she must give him + to the uttermost farthing? To wrong him in her thoughts was + the greatest wrong woman could do him; no woman could wrong + him as she could! + </p> + <p> + By degrees her mind grew calm in settled resolve. It might, + she reasoned, be very well for husband and wife to be apart + while they were both happy: they had only to think the more + of each other; but when anything was troubling either, still + more when it was anything <i>in</i> either, then it was + horrible and unnatural that they should be parted. What could + a heart then do but tear itself to pieces, think-thinking? It + was enough to make one kill oneself! + </p> + <p> + Should she tell Miss Dasomma what was in her thoughts? + Neither she nor Hester had trusted her: needed she trust + them? She must take her own way in silence, for they would be + certain to oppose it! could there be a design to keep her and + Corney apart? + </p> + <p> + All the indignant strength and unalterable determination of + the little woman rose in arms. She would see who would keep + them asunder now she had made up her mind! She had money of + her own—and there were the trinkets Corney had given + her! They must be valuable, for Corney hated sham things! She + would walk her way, work her way, or beg her way, if + necessary, but nothing should keep her from Corney! + </p> + <p> + Not a word more concerning their difference passed between + her and Miss Dasomma. They talked cheerfully, and kissed as + usual when parting for the night. + </p> + <p> + The moment she was in her room, Amy began to pack a small + carpet-bag. When that was done she made a bundle of her cloak + and shawl, and lay down in her clothes. Long before dawn she + crept softly down the stairs, and stole out. + </p> + <p> + Thus for the second time was she a fugitive—then + <i>from</i>, now <i>to</i>. + </p> + <p> + When Miss Dasomma had been down some time, she went up to see + why Amy was not making her appearance: one glance around her + room satisfied her that she was gone. It caused her terrible + anxiety. She did not suspect at first whither she had gone, + but concluded that the letter which had rendered her so + miserable contained the announcement that their marriage was + not a genuine one, and that, in the dignity of her true + heart, she had thereupon at once and forever taken her leave + of Cornelius. She wrote to Hester, but the post did not leave + before night, and would not arrive till the afternoon of the + next day. She had thought of sending a telegram, but saw that + that might do mischief. + </p> + <p> + When Amy got to the station she found she was in time for the + first train of the day. There was no third-class to it, but + she found she had enough money for a second-class ticket, and + without a moment's hesitation, though it left her almost + penniless, she took one. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch56"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LVI. + </h2> + <h3> + THE SICK ROOM. + </h3> + <p> + At Yrndale things went on in the same dull way, anger + burrowing like a devil-mole in the bosom of the father, a + dreary spiritual fog hanging over all the souls, and the + mother wearying for some glimmer of a heavenly dawn. Hester + felt as if she could not endure it much longer—as if + the place were forgotten of God, and abandoned to chance. But + there was one dayspring in the house yet—Mark's room, + where the major sat by the bedside of the boy, now reading to + him, now telling him stories, and now and then listening to + him as he talked childlike wisdom in childish words. Saffy + came and went, by no means so merry now that she was more + with Corney. In Mark's room she would at times be her old + self again, but nowhere else. Infected by Corney, she had + begun to be afraid of her father, and like him watched to + keep out of his way. What seemed to add to the misery, though + in reality it operated the other way, was that the weather + had again put on a wintry temper. Sleet and hail, and even + snow fell, alternated with rain and wind, day after day for a + week. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon the wind rose almost to a tempest. The rain + drove in sheets, and came against the windows of Mark's room + nearly at right angles. It was a cheerful room, though + low-pitched and very old, with a great beam across the middle + of it. There were coloured prints, mostly of + Scripture-subjects, on the walls; and the beautiful fire + burning in the bow-fronted grate shone on them. It was + reflected also from the brown polished floor. The major sat + by it in his easy-chair: he could endure hardship, but saved + strength for work, nursing being none of the lightest. A + bedroom had been prepared for him next to the boy's: Mark had + a string close to his hand whose slightest pull sufficed to + ring a bell, which woke the major as if it had been the + opening of a cannonade. + </p> + <p> + This afternoon with the rain-charged wind rushing in fierce + gusts every now and then against the windows, and the + twilight coming on the sooner because the world was wrapt in + blanket upon blanket of wet cloud, the major was reading, by + no means sure whether his patient waked or slept, and himself + very sleepy, longing indeed for a little nap. A moment and he + was far away, following an imaginary tiger, when the voice of + Mark woke him with the question: + </p> + <p> + "What kind of thing do you like best in all the world, + majie?—I mean <i>this</i> world, you know—and of + course I don't mean God or any<i>body</i>, but things about + you, I mean." + </p> + <p> + The major sat bolt upright, rubbed his eyes, stretched + himself, but quietly that Mark might not know he had waked + him, pulled down his waistcoat, gave a hem as if deeply + pondering, instead of trying hard to gather wits enough to + understand the question put to him, and when he thought his + voice sufficiently a waking one not to betray him, answered: + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mark, I don't think we can beat this same—can + we? What do you think?" + </p> + <p> + "Let's see what makes it so nice!" returned Mark. "First of + all, you're there, majie!" + </p> + <p> + "And you're there, Markie," said the major. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, that's all right! Next there's my bed for me, and your + easy-chair for you, and the fire for us both! And the sight + of your chair is better to me than the feel of my bed! And + the fire is <i>beautiful</i>, and though I can't <i>feel</i> + that, because they're not my legs, I know it is making your + legs so nice and warm! And then there are the shines of it + all about the room! + </p> + <p> + "What a beautiful thing a shine is, majie! I wish you would + put on your grand uniform, and let me see the fire shining on + the gold lace and the buttons and the epaulettes and the hilt + of your sword!" + </p> + <p> + "I will, Markie." + </p> + <p> + "I've seen your sword, you know, majie! and I think it is the + beautifullest thing in the world. I wonder why a thing for + killing should be so beautiful! Can you tell me, majie?" + </p> + <p> + The major had to think in order to answer that question, but + thinking he hit upon something like the truth of the thing. + </p> + <p> + "It must be that it is not made for the sake of the killing, + but for the sake of the right that would else be trodden + down!" he said, "Whatever is on the side of the right ought + to be beautiful." + </p> + <p> + "But ain't a pirate's sword beautiful? I've read of precious + stones in the hilt of a pirate's sword! That's not for the + right—is it now, majie?" + </p> + <p> + The boy was gradually educating the man without either of + them knowing it—for the major had to <i>think</i> in + order to give reasonable answers to not a few of Mark's + questions. The boy was an unconscious Socrates to the + soldier; for there is a Teacher who, by fitting them right + together, can use two ignorances for two teachings. Here the + ostensible master, who was really the principal pupil, had to + think hard. + </p> + <p> + "Anything," he said at last, "may be turned from its right + use, and then it goes all wrong." + </p> + <p> + "But a sword looks all right—it shines—even when + it is put to a wrong use!" + </p> + <p> + "For a while," answered the major. "It takes time for + anything that has turned bad to lose its good looks." + </p> + <p> + "But, majie," said Mark, "how can a sword ever grow ugly?" + </p> + <p> + Again the major had to think. + </p> + <p> + "When people put things to a bad use, they are not good + themselves," he said; "and when they are not good, they are + lazy, and neglect things. When a soldier takes to drinking or + cruelty, he neglects his weapons, and the rust begins to eat + them, and at last will eat them up." + </p> + <p> + "What is rust, majie?" + </p> + <p> + "It is a sword's laziness, making it rot. A sword is a very + strong thing, but not taken care of will not last so long as + a silk handkerchief." + </p> + <p> + At this point the major began to fear Mark was about to lead + him into depths and contradictions out of which he would + hardly emerge. + </p> + <p> + "Sha'n't we go on with our reading?" he said. + </p> + <p> + Mark, however, had not lost sight of the subject they had + started with, and did not want to leave it yet. + </p> + <p> + "But, majie," he replied, "we haven't done with what we like + best! We hadn't said anything about the thick walls round + us—between us and the wide, with the fire-sun shining + on their smooth side, while the rain is beating and the wind + blowing on their rough side. Then there's the wind and the + rain all about us, and can't come at us! I fancy sometimes, + as I lie awake in the night, that the wind and the rain are + huge packs of wolves howling in a Russian forest, but not + able to get into the house to hurt us. Then I feel so safe! + And that brings me to the best of all. It is in fancying + danger that you know what it is to be safe." + </p> + <p> + "But, Mark, you know some people are really in danger!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I suppose so—I don't quite know! I know that I am + not in danger, because there is the great Think between me + and all the danger!" + </p> + <p> + "How do you know he is between you and <i>all</i> danger?" + asked his friend, willing to draw him out, and with no fear + of making him uneasy. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know how I know it; I only know that I'm not + afraid," he answered. "I feel so safe! For you know if God + were to go to sleep and forget his little Mark, then he would + forget that he was God, and would not wake again; and that + could not be! He can't forget me or you, majie, more than any + one of the sparrows. Jesus said so. And what Jesus said, + lasts forever. His words never wear out, or need to be made + over again.—Majie, I do wish everybody was as good as + Jesus! He won't be pleased till we all are. Isn't it glad! + That's why I feel so safe that I like to hear the wind + roaring. If I did not know that he knows all about the wind, + and that it is not the bad man's wind, but the good man's + wind, I should be unhappy, for it might hurt somebody, and + now it cannot. If I thought he did not care whether everybody + was good or not, it would make me so miserable that I should + like to die and never come to life again!—He will make + Corney good—won't he, majie?" + </p> + <p> + "I hope so, Markie," returned the major. + </p> + <p> + "But don't you think we ought to do something to help to make + Corney good? You help me to be good, majie—every day, + and all day long! I know mother teaches him, for he's her + first-born! He's like Jesus—he's God's first-born! I'm + so glad it was Jesus and not me!" + </p> + <p> + "Why, Mark?" + </p> + <p> + "Because if it had been me, I shouldn't have had any Jesus to + love.—But I don't think we ought to leave Corney to + mother all alone: she's not strong enough! it's too hard for + her! Corney never was willing to be good! I can't make it + out! Why shouldn't he like to be good? It's surely good to be + good!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Mark; but some people like their own way when it's ever + so nasty, better than God's way when it's ever so nice!" + </p> + <p> + "But God must be able to let them know what foolish creatures + they are, majie!" + </p> + <p> + It was on the major's lips to say 'He has sent you to teach + it to me, Mark!' but he thought it better not to say it. And + indeed it was better the child should not be set thinking + about what he could do so much better by not thinking about + it! + </p> + <p> + The major had grown quite knowing in what was lovely in a + soul—could see the same thing lovely in the child and + the Ancient of days. Some foolishly object that the master + taught what others had taught before him, as if he should not + be the wise householder with his old things as well as new: + these recognize the old things—the new they do not + understand, therefore do not consider. Who first taught that + the mighty God, the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth, was + like a child! Who first said, "Love one another as I have + loved you"? Who first dared to say "He that overcometh shall + sit down with me on my throne even as I overcame and am set + down with my father on his throne"?—taught men that the + creature who would but be a true creature should share the + glory of his creator, sitting with him upon his throne? + </p> + <p> + "You see, majie," Mark went on, "it won't do for you and me + to be so safe from all the storm and wind, wrapped in God's + cloak, and poor Corney out in the wind and rain, with the + wolves howling after him! You may say it's his own + fault—it's because he won't let God take him up and + carry him: that's very true, but then that's just the pity of + it!—It is so dreadful! I can't understand it!" + </p> + <p> + The boy could understand good, but was perplexed with evil. + </p> + <p> + While they talked thus in their nest of comfort there was one + out in the wind and rain, all but spent with their buffeting, + who hastened with what poor remaining strength she had to the + doing of His will. Amy, left at the station with an empty + purse, had set out to walk through mire and darkness and + storm, up hill and down dale, to find her husband—the + man God had given her "to look after." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch57"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LVII. + </h2> + <h3> + VENGEANCE IS MINE. + </h3> + <p> + That same morning, Mr. Raymount had found it, or chosen to + imagine it necessary—from the instinct, I believe to + oppose inner with outer storm, to start pretty early for the + county-town, on something he called business, and was not + expected home before the next clay. Assuming heart in his + absence, Cornelius went freely wandering about the house, + many parts of which had not yet lost to him the interest of + novelty, and lunched with his mother and Hester and Saffy + like one of the family. His mother, wisely or not, did her + best to prevent his feeling any difference from old times: + where one half of the parental pair erred so much on the side + of severity, perhaps it was well that the other should err on + that of leniency—I do not know; I doubt if it was + right; I think she ought to have justified her husband's + conduct, to the extent to which it would bear justification, + by her own. But who shall be sure what would have been right + for another where so much was wrong and beyond her setting + right! If what is done be done in faith, some good will come + out of our mistakes even; only let no one mistake self-will + for that perfect thing faith! + </p> + <p> + Their converse at table was neither very interesting nor very + satisfactory. How could it be? As well might a child of Satan + be happy in the house of Satan's maker, as the unrepentant + Cornelius in the house of his mother, even in the absence of + his father. Their talk was poor and intermittent. Well might + the youth long for his garret and the company of the wife who + had nothing for him but smiles and sweetest attentions! + </p> + <p> + After dinner he sat for a time at the table alone. He had + been ordered wine during his recovery, and was already in + some danger of adding a fondness for that to his other + weaknesses. He was one of those slight natures to which wine + may bring a miserable consolation. But the mother was wise, + and aware of the clanger, kept in her own hands the + administrating of the medicine. To-day, however, by some + accident called from the room, she had not put away the + decanter, and Cornelius had several times filled his glass + before she thought of her neglect. When she re-entered he sat + as if he were only finishing the glass she had left him with. + The decanter revealed what had taken place, but the mother + blaming herself, thought it better to say nothing. + </p> + <p> + Cornelius leaving the room in a somewhat excited mood, but + concealing it, sauntered into the library, and thence into + the study, where was his father's own collection of books. + Coming there upon a volume by a certain fashionable poet of + the day, he lighted the lamp which no one used but his + father, threw himself into his father's chair, and began to + read. He never had been able to read long without weariness, + and from the wine he had drunk and his weakness, was + presently overcome with sleep. His mother came and went, and + would not disturb him, vexed that she failed in her care over + him. I fear, poor lady! her satisfaction in having him under + her roof was beginning to wane in the continual trouble of a + presence that showed no signs of growth any more than one of + the dead. But her faith in the over-care of the father of all + was strong, and she waited in hope. + </p> + <p> + The night now was very dark, "with hey, ho, the wind and the + rain!" Up above, the major and the boy talked of sweet, + heavenly things, and down below the youth lay snoring, where, + had his father been at home, he dared not have showed + himself. The mother was in her own room, and Hester in the + drawing-room—where never now, in the oppression of + these latter times, did she open her piano. The house was + quiet but for the noise of the wind and the rain, and those + Cornelius did not hear. + </p> + <p> + He started awake and sat up in terror. A hand was on his + shoulder, gripping him like a metal instrument, not a thing + of flesh and blood. The face of his father was staring at him + through the lingering vapours of his stupid sleep. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount had started with a certain foolish pleasure in + the prospect of getting wet through, and being generally + ill-used by the weather—which he called + <i>atrocious</i>, and all manner of evil names, while not the + less he preferred its accompaniment to his thoughts to the + finest blue sky and sunshine a southern summer itself could + have given him. Thinking to shorten the way he took a certain + cut he knew, but found the road very bad. The mud drew off + one of his horse's shoes, but he did not discover the loss + for a long way—not until he came to a piece of newly + mended road. There the poor animal fell suddenly lame. There + was a roadside smithy a mile or two farther on, and + dismounting he made for that. The smith, however, not having + expected anything to do in such weather, and having been + drinking hard the night before, was not easily persuaded to + appear. Mr. Raymount, therefore, leaving his horse in the + smithy, walked to an inn yet a mile or two farther on, and + there dried his clothes and had some refreshment. By the time + his horse was brought him and he was again mounted, the + weather was worse than ever; he thought he had had enough of + it; and it was so late besides that he could not have reached + the town in time to do his business. He gave up his intended + journey therefore, and turning aside to see a friend in the + neighbourhood, resolved to go home again the same night. + </p> + <p> + His feelings when he saw his son asleep in his chair, were + not like those of the father in that one story of all the + world. He had been giving place to the devil for so long, + that the devil was now able to do with him as he + would—for a season at least. Nor would the possessed + ever have been able to recognize the presence of the devil, + had he not a minute or two of his full will with them? Or is + it that the miserable possessed goes farther than the devil + means him to go? I doubt if he cares that we should murder; I + fancy he is satisfied if only we hate well. Murder tends a + little to repentance, and he does not want that. Anyhow, we + cherish the devil like a spoiled child, till he gets too bad + and we find him unendurable. Departing then, he takes a piece + of the house with him, and the tenant is not so likely to + mistake him when he comes again. Must I confess it at this + man so much before the multitude of men, that he was annoyed, + even angry, to see this unpleasant son of his asleep in + <i>his</i> chair! "The sneak!" he said! "he dares not show + his face when I'm at home, but the minute he thinks me safe, + gets into my room and lies in my chair! Drunk, too, by Jove!" + he added, as a fume from the sleeper's breath reached the + nostrils beginning to dilate with wrath. "What can that wife + of mine be about, letting the rascal go on like this! She is + faultless except in giving me such a son—and then + helping him to fool me!" He forgot the old forger of a bygone + century! His side of the house had, I should say, a good deal + more to do with what was unsatisfactory in the lad's + character than his wife's. + </p> + <p> + The devil saw his chance, sprang up, and mastered the father. + </p> + <p> + "The snoring idiot!" he growled, and seizing his boy by the + shoulder and the neck, roughly shook him awake. + </p> + <p> + The father had been drinking, not what would have been by any + of the neighbours thought too much, but enough to add to the + fierceness of his wrath, and make him yet more capable of + injustice. He had come into the study straight from the + stable, and when the poor creature looked up half awake, and + saw his father standing over him with a heavy whip in his + hand, he was filled with a terror that nearly paralyzed him. + He sat and stared with white, trembling lips, red, projecting + eyes, and a look that confirmed the belief of his father that + he was drunk, whereas he had only been, like himself, + drinking more than was good for him. + </p> + <p> + "Get out of there, you dog!" cried his father, and with one + sweep of his powerful arm, half dragged, half hurled him from + the chair. He fell on the floor, and in weakness mixed with + cowardice lay where he fell. The devil—I am sorry to + have to refer to the person so often, but he played a notable + part in the affair, and I should be more sorry to leave him + without his part in it duly acknowledged—the devil, I + say, finding the house abandoned to him, rushed at once into + brain and heart and limbs, and <i>possessed</i>. When + Raymount saw the creature who had turned his hitherto happy + life into a shame and a misery lying at his feet thus abject, + he became instantly conscious of the whip in his hand, and + without a moment's pause, a moment's thought, heaved his arm + aloft, and brought it down with a fierce lash on the + quivering flesh of his son. He richly deserved the + punishment, but God would not have struck him that way. There + was the poison of hate in the blow. He again raised his arm; + but as it descended, the piercing shriek that broke from the + youth startled even the possessing demon, and the violence of + the blow was broken. But the lash of the whip found his face, + and marked it for a time worse than the small-pox. What the + unnatural father would have done next, I do not know. While + the cry of his son yet sounded in his ears, another cry like + its echo from another world, rang ghastly through the storm + like the cry of the banshee. From far away it seemed to come + through the world of wet mist and howling wind. The next + instant a spectral face flitted swift as a bird up to the + window, and laid itself close to the glass. It was a French + window, opening to the ground, and neither shutters nor + curtains had been closed. It burst open with a great clang + and clash and wide tinkle of shivering and scattering glass, + and a small figure leaped into the room with a second cry + that sounded like a curse in the ears of the father. She + threw herself on the prostrate youth, and covered his body + with hers, then turned her head and looked up at the father + with indignant defiance in her flashing eye. Cowed with + terror, and smarting with keenest pain, the youth took his + wife in his arms and sobbed like the beaten thing he was. + Amy's eye gleamed if possible more indignantly still. + Protection grew fierce, and fanned the burning sense of + wrong. The father stood over them like a fury rather than a + fate—stood as the shock of Amy's cry, and her stormy + entrance, like that of an avenging angel, had fixed him. But + presently he began to recover his senses, and not unnaturally + sprang to the conclusion that here was the cause of all his + misery—some worthless girl that had drawn Cornelius + into her toils, and ruined him and his family for ever! The + thought set the geyser of his rage roaring and spouting in + the face of heaven. He heaved his whip, and the devil having + none of the respect of the ordinary well bred Englishman for + even the least adorable of women, the blow fell. But instead + of another and shriller shriek following the lash, came + nothing but a shudder and a silence and the unquailing eye of + the girl fixed like that of a spectre upon her assailant. He + struck her again. Again came the shivering shudder and the + silence: the sense that the blows had not fallen upon Corney + upheld the brave creature. Cry she would not, if he killed + her! She once drew in her breath sharply, but never took her + eyes from his face—lay expecting the blow that was to + come next. Suddenly the light in them began to fade, and went + quickly out; her head dropped like a stone upon the breast of + her cowardly husband, and there was not even mute defiance + more. + </p> + <p> + What if he had killed the woman! At an inquest! A trial for + murder!—In lowest depths Raymount saw a lower deep, and + stood looking down on the pair with subsiding passion. + </p> + <p> + Amy had walked all the long distance from the station and + more, for she had lost her way. Again and again she had all + but lain down to die on the moorland waste on to which she + had wandered, when the thought of Corney and his need of her + roused her again. Wet through and through, buffeted by the + wind so that she could hardly breathe, having had nothing but + a roll to eat since the night before, but aware of the want + of food only by its faintness, cold to the very heart, and + almost unconscious of her numbed limbs, she struggled on. + When at last she got to the lodge gate, the woman in charge + of it took her for a common beggar, and could hardly be + persuaded to let her pass. She was just going up to the door + when she heard her husband's cry. She saw the lighted window, + flew to it, dashed it open, and entered. It was the last + expiring effort of the poor remnant of her strength. She had + not life enough left to resist the shock of her + father-in-law's blows. + </p> + <p> + While still the father stood looking down on his children, + the door softly opened, and the mother entered. She knew + nothing, not even that her husband had returned, came merely + to know how her unlovely but beloved child was faring in his + heavy sleep. She stood arrested. She saw what looked like a + murdered heap on the floor, and her husband standing over it, + like the murderer beginning to doubt whether the deed was as + satisfactory as the doing of it. But behind her came Hester, + and peeping over her shoulder understood at once. Almost she + pushed her mother aside, as she sprang to help. Her father + would have prevented her. "No, father!" she said, "it is time + to disobey." A pang as of death went through her at the + thought that she had not spoken. All was clear! Amy had come, + and died defending her husband from his father! She put her + strong arms round the dainty little figure, and lifted it + like a seaweed hanging limp, its long wet hair continuing the + hang of the body and helpless head. Hester gave a great sob. + Was this what Amy's lovely brave womanhood had brought her + to! What creatures men were! As the thought passed through + her, she saw on Amy's neck a frightful upswollen wale. She + looked at her father. There was the whip in his hand! "Oh, + papa!" she screamed, and dropped her eyes for shame: she + could not look him in the face—not for his shame, but + for her shame through him. And as she dropped them she saw + the terrified face of Cornelius open its eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Corney!" said Hester, in the tone of an accusing angel, + and ran with her from the room. + </p> + <p> + The mother darted to her son. + </p> + <p> + But the wrath of the father rose afresh at sight of her + "infatuation." + </p> + <p> + "Let the hound lie!" he said, and stepped between. "What + right has he to walk the earth like a man! He is but fit to + go on all fours—Ha! ha!" he went on, laughing wildly, + "I begin to believe in the transmigration of souls! I shall + one day see that son of yours running about the place a mangy + mongrel!" + </p> + <p> + "You've killed him, Gerald!—your own son!" said the + mother, with a cold, still voice. + </p> + <p> + She saw the dread mark on his face, felt like one of the + dead—staggered, and would have fallen. But the arm that + through her son had struck her heart, caught and supported + her. The husband bore the wife once more to her chamber, and + the foolish son, the heaviness of his mother, was left alone + on the floor, smarting, ashamed, and full of fear for his + wife, yet in ignorance that his father had hurt her. + </p> + <p> + A moment and he rose. But, lo, in that shameful time a marvel + had been wrought! The terror of his father which had filled + him was gone. They had met; his father had put himself in the + wrong; he was no more afraid of him. It was not hate that had + cast out fear. I do not say that he felt no resentment, he is + a noble creature who, deserving to be beaten, approves and + accepts: there are not a few such children: Cornelius was + none of such; but it consoled him that he had been hardly + used by his father. He had been accustomed to look vaguely up + to his father as a sort of rigid but righteous divinity; and + in a disobedient, self-indulgent, poverty-stricken nature + like his, reverence could only take the form of fear; and now + that he had seen his father in a rage, the feeling of + reverence, such as it was, had begun to give way, and with it + the fear: they were more upon a level. Then again, his + father's unmerciful use of the whip to him seemed a sort of + settling of scores, thence in a measure, a breaking down of + the wall between them. He seemed thereby to have even some + sort of claim upon his father: so cruelly beaten he seemed + now near him. A weight as of a rock was lifted from his mind + by this violent blowing up of the horrible negation that had + been between them so long. He felt—as when punished in + boyhood—as if the storm had passed, and the sun had + begun to appear. Life seemed a trifle less uninteresting than + before. He did not yet know to what a state his wife was + brought. He knew she was safe with Hester. + </p> + <p> + He listened, and finding all quiet, stole, smarting and + aching, yet cherishing his hurts like a possession, slowly to + his room, there tumbled himself into bed, and longed for Amy + to come to him. He was an invalid, and could not go about + looking for her! it was her part to find him! In a few + minutes he was fast asleep once more, and forgot everything + in dreams of the garret with Amy. + </p> + <p> + When Mrs. Raymount came to herself, she looked up at her + husband. He stood expecting such reproaches as never yet in + their married life had she given him. But she stretched out + her arms to him, and drew him to her bosom. Her pity for the + misery which could have led him to behave so ill, joined to + her sympathy in the distressing repentance which she did not + doubt must have already begun, for she knew her husband, made + her treat him much as she treated her wretched Corney. It + went deep to the man's heart. In the deep sense of + degredation that had seized him—not for striking his + son, who, he said, and said over and over to himself, + entirely deserved it, but for striking a woman, be she who + she might—his wife's embrace was like balm to a + stinging wound. But it was only when, through Hester's + behaviour to her and the words that fell from her, he came to + know who she was, that the iron, the beneficent spear-head of + remorse, entered his soul. Strange that the mere fact of our + knowing <i>who a person is</i>, should make such a difference + in the way we think of and behave to that person! A person is + a person just the same, whether one of the few of our + acquaintances or not, and his claim on us for all kinds of + humanities just the same. Our knowledge of any one is a mere + accident in the claim, and can at most only make us feel it + more. But recognition of Amy showed his crime more heinous. + It brought back to Mr. Raymount's mind the vision of the + bright girl he used to watch in her daft and cheerful + service, and with that vision came the conviction that not + she but Corney must be primarily to blame: he had twice + struck the woman his son had grievously wronged! He must make + to her whatever atonement was possible—first for having + brought the villain into the world to do her such wrong, then + for his own cruelty to her in her faithfulness! He pronounced + himself the most despicable and wretched of men: he had + lifted his hand against a woman that had been but in her + right in following his son, and had shown herself ready to + die in his defence! His wife's tenderness confirmed the + predominance of these feelings, and he lay down in his + dressing-room a humbler man than he had ever been in his life + before. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch58"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LVIII. + </h2> + <h3> + FATHER AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. + </h3> + <p> + Hester carried poor little Amy to her own room, laid her on + her own bed, and did for her all one child of God could do + for another. With hands tender as a mother's, and weeping as + she had never wept before, she undressed her, put her in a + warm bath, then got her into bed, and used every enticement + and persuasion to induce her to take some + nourishment—with poor success: the heart seemed to have + gone out of her. But instinctively Amy asked for milk, and + that brought her round better than anything else could have + done. Still she lay like one dead, seeming to care for + nothing. She scarcely answered Hester when she spoke, though + she tried to smile to her: the most pitiful thing was that + smile Hester had ever seen. Her very brain and blood were + haunted with the presence of Corney's father. He seemed ever + and always to be standing over her and Corney with that + terrible whip. All her thought was how to get him away from + the frightful place. Hester did her best to reassure her. She + told her Corney was fast asleep and little the worse; did all + she could to keep her quiet, and soothe her to sleep; and a + little after midnight was successful. Then she lay down + herself on the sofa beside her bed, sorely exhausted. + </p> + <p> + In the gray of the morning Mr. Raymount woke. He was aware of + a great hush about him. He looked from the window, and saw in + the east the first glimmer of a lovely spring-day. The + stillness awed, almost frightened him. It was not around him + only but in him; his very soul seemed hushed, as if in his + sleep the Voice had said "Peace! be still!" He felt like a + naughty child, who, having slept, seems to have slept away + his naughtiness. Yesterday seemed far away—only the + shudder of it was left; but he knew if he began to think it + would be back with its agony. Had some angel been by his + bedside to soothe him? A demon had surely possessed him! Had + it been but hinted as within the bounds of possibility that + he should behave to a woman as he had behaved, he would have + laughed the idea to scorn! He had always thought himself a + chivalrous gentleman! This was the end of his faith in + himself! His grand Hester would not feel herself safe from + him! Truly a demon had possessed him: might not an angel have + been by him as he slept? + </p> + <p> + What had become of the poor girl? But he needed not to be + anxious about her: neither his wife nor his daughter would + have turned her out into the night! He would still be able to + do something for her! He must make atonement for treating her + so brutally! Hope dawned feebly on his murky horizon. He + would be good to her as he would never have thought of had he + not ill-used her so! There was something to be done for + everybody—for himself and for poor Amy Amber! If she + was gone he would spend every penny he had to find her! But + Cornelius would know! He must see him! He would tell him he + was sorry he had struck him! + </p> + <p> + In the yet dark gray of the morning he went to his son's + room. + </p> + <p> + When he had all but reached the door he saw it was a little + open. The next instant he heard a soft voice within speaking + persuadingly. He went close and listened. It was Amy's + voice!—In his house! In his son's room! And after the + lesson he had given them but the night before! This was too + bad! He pushed the door—and looked in! The dainty + little figure that had haunted his dreams was half lying on + the bed, with an arm thrown round his son. He could not see + her face, but he could hear perfectly the words that came + through the dusk. + </p> + <p> + "Corney darling!" she said, "you must get up. You must come + away. Here I am to take you from them. I was sure they were + not treating you well! That was what made me come. I did not + know how cruel they were, or I would have come long ago. But, + Corney, you must have done something very wrong! I don't mean + to me; I don't care what you do to me; I am your own. But you + must have done something very wrong to make your father so + angry with you! And you cannot have said you were sorry, or + he would have forgiven you! He can't be a bad + man—though he does hurt dreadfully!" + </p> + <p> + "He is a very good man!" muttered Corney from the pillow. + </p> + <p> + "But I'm afraid," continued Amy, "if he hasn't been able to + make you sorry before, he will never be able now! To beat you + as he did last night will never make you repent." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, he didn't hurt me much! You don't think a fellow would + mind that sort of thing from his own father—when he was + in a passion, don't you know? Besides, Amy—to you I + will confess it—I only gave him too good reason." + </p> + <p> + "Come, then, come. We will go somewhere. I want to make you + think the right way about the thing; and when you are sorry, + we will come back and tell him so. Then perhaps he will + forgive me and we shall be all happy again." + </p> + <p> + What was this he heard! The cunning creature! This was her + trick to entice him from his home!—And just as the poor + boy was beginning to repent too! She knew her trade! She + would fall in with his better mood and pretend goodness! She + would help him to do what he ought! She would be his teacher + in righteousness! Deep, deep she was—beyond anything he + had dreamed possible! No doubt the fellow was just as bad as + she, but not the less must he do what little he yet might for + the redemption of his son! + </p> + <p> + But as he thought thus it smote him that Cornelius could not + but prefer going with one who loved him, and talked to him + like that, let her be what she might, to staying with a + father who treated him as he had been doing ever since he + came home! He would behave to him very differently after + this! But he must interfere now, cost what it might! What + else was he father for! + </p> + <p> + He pushed the door wide and went in. + </p> + <p> + Amy heard and raised herself from the bed, stood upright and + faced the comer. There was just light enough to see that it + was the father. The horrid idea shot through her mind that it + was his custom to come thus to his son's room in the night + and lash him. She roused every fevered nerve to do battle + with the strong man for his son. Clenching her little hands + hard, she stood like a small David between the bed and the + coming Goliath. + </p> + <p> + "Get out of this," he said, with the sternness of wrath + suppressed. + </p> + <p> + "I came to take him away," said Amy, who had begun to tremble + from head to foot. "It is my business to take care of him." + </p> + <p> + "Your business to take care of him from his own"—he + hesitated, then said—"mother?" which certainly was the + more fitting word. + </p> + <p> + "If," answered Amy, "a man is to leave father and mother and + cleave to his wife, it's the least thing the wife can do to + take care of him from his father!" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount stood confounded: what could the hussey mean? + Was she going to pretend she was married to him? Indignation + and rage began to rise afresh; but if he gave way what might + he not be guilty of a second time! A rush of shame choked the + words that crowded to his lips; and with the self-restraint + came wholesome doubt: was it possible he had married her? Was + it not possible? Would it not be just worthy of him to have + done so and never told one of his family! At least there need + be nothing incredible in it! This + girl—yes—plainly she had both cunning and + fascination enough to make him not only run after her but + marry her! How was he to come at the truth of the thing? The + coward would not have the courage to contradict her, but he + would know if he were lying! + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean to tell me," he said, "that he has married + you—without a word to his own father or mother?" + </p> + <p> + Then out at last spoke Cornelius, rising on his elbow in the + bed: + </p> + <p> + "Yes, father," he said, with slow determination, "I have + married her. It is all my fault, not one bit hers. I could + never have persuaded her had I not made her believe you knew + all about it and had no objection." + </p> + <p> + "Why did you not let us know then?" cried the father in a + voice which ill suited the tameness of the question. + </p> + <p> + "Because I was a coward," answered Corney, speaking the truth + with courage. "I knew you would not like it." + </p> + <p> + "Little <i>you</i> know of what I like or dislike!" + </p> + <p> + "You can soon prove him wrong, sir!" said Amy, clasping her + hands, and looking up in his face through the growing light + of the morning. "Forgive us, and take me too; I was so happy + to think I was going to belong to you all! I would never have + married him, if I had known—without your consent, I + mean. It was very wrong of Corney, but I will try to make him + sorry for it." + </p> + <p> + "You never will!" said Corney, again burying his head in the + pillow. + </p> + <p> + Now first the full horror of what he had done broke upon the + mind of Mr. Raymount. He stood for a moment appalled. + </p> + <p> + "You will let me take him away then?" said Amy, thinking he + hesitated to receive her. + </p> + <p> + Now whether it was from an impulse of honesty towards her, or + of justification of himself, I cannot tell, but he instantly + returned: + </p> + <p> + "Do you know that his money is stolen?" + </p> + <p> + "If he stole it," she replied, "he will never steal again." + </p> + <p> + "He will never get another chance. He cannot get a situation + now." + </p> + <p> + "I will work for both. It will only be me instead of him, and + that's no difference; he belongs to me as much as I do to + him. If he had only kept nothing from me, nothing of this + would have happened.—Do come, Corney, while I am able + to walk; I feel as if I were going to die." + </p> + <p> + "And this is the woman I was such a savage to last night!" + said Mr. Raymount to himself. + </p> + <p> + "Forgive me, Amy!" he cried, stretching out his arms to her. + "I have behaved like a brute! To strike my son's wife! I + deserve to be hanged for it! I shall never forgive myself! + But you must forgive me for Christ's sake." + </p> + <p> + Long ere he had ended Amy was in his arms, clinging to + him—he holding her fast to his bosom. + </p> + <p> + The strong man was now the weaker; the father and not the + daughter wept. She drew back her head. + </p> + <p> + "Come, Corney," she cried; "come directly! Out of your bed + and down on your knees to your own blessed father, and + confess your sins. Tell him you're sorry for them, and you'll + never do them again." + </p> + <p> + Corney obeyed: in some strange, lovely way she had got the + mistressship of his conscience as well as his heart. He got + out of bed at once, went straight down on his knees as she + told him, and though he did not speak, was presently weeping + like a child. It was a strange group in the gray of the new + morning—ah, indeed, a new morning for them!—the + girl in the arms of the elderly man, and the youth kneeling + at their feet, both men weeping and the girl radiant. + </p> + <p> + Gerald Raymount closed the door on his son and his son's + wife, and hastened to his own to tell her all. + </p> + <p> + "Then surely will the forgiveness of God and his father take + away Corney's disgrace!" said the mother. + </p> + <p> + The arrival of this state of things was much favoured by the + severe illness into which Amy fell immediately the strain was + off her. She was brought almost to death's door. Corney in + his turn became nurse, and improved not a little from his own + anxiety, her sweetness, and the sympathy of every one, his + father included, with both of them. But such was her + constitution that when she began to recover she recovered + rapidly, and was soon ready for the share lovingly allotted + her in the duties of the house. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch59"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LIX. + </h2> + <h3> + THE MESSAGE. + </h3> + <p> + But the precious little Mark did not get better; and it soon + became very clear to the major that, although months might + elapse ere he left them, go he must before long. It was the + sole cloud that now hung over the family. But the parting + drew nigh so softly and with so little increase of suffering, + also with such a changeless continuance of sweet, loving + ways, and mild but genuine enjoyment of existence, that of + those who would most feel the loss of him, he only was + thoroughly aware that death was at the door. The rest said + the summer would certainly restore him; but the major + expected him to die in the first of the warm weather. The + child himself believed he was going soon. His patience, + resting upon entire satisfaction with what God pleased, was + wonderful. + </p> + <p> + "Isn't it nice, majie," he said more than once, in differing + forms, "that I have nothing to do with anything—that + there is no preparation, no examination wanted for dying? + It's all done for you! You have just to be lifted and + taken—and that's so nice! I don't know what it will + feel like, but when God is with you, you don't mind + anything." + </p> + <p> + Another time he said, + </p> + <p> + "I was trying, while you were resting, majie, to tell Saffy a + dream I had; and when I had told her she said, 'But it's all + nonsense, you know, Mark! It's only a dream!'—What do + you think, majie?" + </p> + <p> + "Was it a dream, Mark?" asked the major. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, it was a dream, but do you think a dream is nothing at + all? I think, if it is a good dream, it must be God's. For + you know every good as well as every perfect gift is from the + father of lights! He made the thing that dreams and the + things that set it dreaming; so he must be the master of the + dreams—at least when he pleases—and surely always + of those who mind him!—The father of lights!" he + repeated; "what a beautiful name! The father of all the + bright things in the world! Hester's eyes, and your teeth, + majie! and all the shines of the fire on the things in the + room! and the sun and the far-away stars that I shall know + more about by and by! and all the glad things that come and + go in my mind, as I lie here and you are sitting quiet in + your chair, majie!—and sometimes at night, oh, so many! + when you think I am sleeping! Oh, I will love him, and be + afraid of nothing! I know he is in it all, and the dark is + only the box he keeps his bright things in! + </p> + <p> + "Oh, he is such a good father of lights! Do you know, majie, + I used to think he came and talked to me in the window-seat + when I was a child! What if he really did, and I should be + going to be made sure that he did—up there, I mean, you + know—I don't know where, but it's where Jesus went when + he went back to his papa! Oh, how happy Jesus must have been + when he got back to his papa!" + </p> + <p> + Here he began to cough, and could not talk more; but the + major did not blame himself that he had not found the heart + to stop him, though he knew it was not what is called + <i>good</i> for him: the child when moved to talk must be + happier talking, and what if he died a few minutes sooner for + it!—was born again rather! thought the major to + himself—and almost added, "I would that my time were + come!" For the child's and the soldier's souls had got nearer + to each other, than were yet any two souls in that house in + absolute love. + </p> + <p> + A great silent change, not the less a development, had been + and was passing in the major. Mark not only was an influence + on him altogether new, but had stirred up and brought alive + in him a thousand influences besides, not merely of things + hitherto dormant in him, but of memories never consciously, + operant—words of his mother; a certain Sunday-evening + with her; her last blessing on his careless head; the verse + of a well-known hymn she repeated as she was dying; old + scraps of things she had taught him; dying little Mark gave + life to these and many other things. The major had never been + properly a child, but now lived his childness over again with + Mark in a better fashion. + </p> + <p> + "I have had such a curious, such a beautiful dream, majie!" + he said, waking in the middle of one night. The major was + sitting up with him: he was never left alone now. + </p> + <p> + "What was it, Markie?" asked the major. + </p> + <p> + "I should like Corney to hear it," returned Mark. + </p> + <p> + "I will call him, and you can then tell it us together." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I don't think it would do to wake Corney up! He would + not like that! He must hear it sometime—but it must be + at the right time, else he would laugh at it, and I could not + bear that. You know Corney always laughs, without thinking + first whether the thing was made for laughing at!" + </p> + <p> + By this time Corney had been to see Mark often. He always + spoke kindly to him now, but always as a little goose, and + Mark, the least assuming of mortals, being always in earnest, + did not like the things he wanted "to go in at Corney's ears + to be blown away by Corney's nose!" For Corney had a foolish + way of laughing through his nose, and it sounded so scornful, + that the poor child would not expose to it what he loved. + Hence he was not often ready to speak freely to + Corney—or to another when he was within hearing + distance. + </p> + <p> + "But I'll tell you what, majie," he went on "—I'll tell + <i>you</i> the dream, and then, if I should go away without + having told him, you must tell it to Corney. He won't laugh + then—at least I don't think he will. Do you promise to + tell it to him, majie?" + </p> + <p> + "I will," answered the major, drawing himself up with a + mental military salute, and ready to obey to the letter + whatever Mark should require of him. + </p> + <p> + Without another word the child began. + </p> + <p> + "I was somewhere," he said, "—I don't know where, and + it don't matter where, for Jesus was there too. And Jesus + gave a little laugh, such a beautiful little laugh, when he + saw me! And he said, 'Ah, little one, now you see me! I have + been getting your eyes open as fast as I could all the time! + We're in our father's house together now! But, Markie, + where's your brother Corney?' And I answered and said, + 'Jesus, I'm very sorry, but I don't know. I know very well + that I'm my brother's keeper, but I can't tell where he is.' + Then Jesus smiled again, and said, 'Never mind, then. I + didn't ask you because I didn't know myself. But we must have + Corney here—only we can't get him till he sets himself + to be good! You must tell Corney, only not just yet, that I + want him. Tell him that he and I have got one father, and I + couldn't bear to have him out in the cold, with all the + horrid creatures that won't be good! Tell him I love him so + that I will be very sharp with him if he don't make haste and + come home. Our father is <i>so</i> good, and it is dreadful + to me that Corney won't mind him! He is <i>so</i> patient + with him, Markie!' 'I know that, Jesus,' I said; 'I know that + he could easily take him to pieces again because he don't go + well, but he would much rather make him go right'—I + suppose I was thinking of mamma's beautiful gold watch, with + the wreath of different-coloured gold round the face of it: + that wouldn't go right, and papa wanted to change it, but + mamma liked the old one best. And I don't know what came + next.—Now what am I to do, majie? You see I couldn't + bear to have that dream laughed at. Yet I must tell it to + Corney because there is a message in it for him!" + </p> + <p> + Whether the boy plainly believed that the Lord had been with + him, and had given him a message to his brother, the major + dared not inquire. "Let the boy think what he thinks!" he + said to himself. "I dare not look as if I doubted." Therefore + he did not speak, but looked at the child with his soul in + his eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I do not think," Mark went on, "that he wanted me to tell + Corney the minute I woke: he knows how sore it would make me + to have him laugh at what <i>he</i> said! I think when the + time comes he will let me know it is come. But if I found I + was dying, you know, I would try and tell him, whether he + laughed or not, rather than go without having done it. But if + Corney knew I was going, I don't think he would laugh." + </p> + <p> + "I don't think he would," returned the major. "Corney is a + better boy—a little—I do think, than he used to + be. You will be able to speak to him by and by, I fancy." + </p> + <p> + A feeling had grown upon the household as if there were in + the house a strange lovely spot whence was direct + communication with heaven—a little piece cut out of the + new paradise and set glowing in the heart of the old house of + Yrndale—the room where Mark lay shining in his bed, a + Christ-child, if ever child might bear the name. As often as + the door opened loving eyes would seek first the spot where + the sweet face, the treasure of the house, lay, reflecting + already the light of the sunless kingdom. + </p> + <p> + That same afternoon, as the major, his custom always of an + afternoon, dozed in his chair, the boy suddenly called out in + a clear voice, + </p> + <p> + "Oh, majie, there was one bit of my dream I did not tell you! + I've just remembered it now for the first time!—After + what I told you,—do you remember?—" + </p> + <p> + "I do indeed," answered the major. + </p> + <p> + "—After that, Jesus looked at me for one + minute—no, not a minute, for a minute—on mamma's + watch at least—is much longer, but say perhaps for + three seconds of a minute, and then said just one + word,—'Our father, Markie!' and I could not see him any + more. But it did not seem to matter the least tiny bit. There + was a stone near me, and I sat down upon it, feeling as if I + could sit there without moving to all eternity, so happy was + I, and it was because Jesus's father was touching me + everywhere; my head felt as if he were counting the hairs of + it. And he was not only close to me, but far and far and + farther away, and all between. Near and far there was the + father! I neither saw nor felt nor heard him, and yet I saw + and heard and felt him so near that I could neither see nor + hear nor feel him. I am talking very like nonsense, majie, + but I can't do it better. It was God, God everywhere, and + there was no nowhere anywhere, but all was God, God, God; and + my heart was nothing, knew nothing but him; and I felt I + could sit there for ever, because I was right in the very + middle of God's heart. That was what made everything look so + all right that I was anxious about nothing and nobody." + </p> + <p> + Here he paused a little. + </p> + <p> + "He had a sleeping draught last night!" said the major to + himself. "—But the sleeping draught was God's, and who + can tell whether God may not have had it given to him just + that he might talk with him! Some people may be better to + talk to when they are asleep, and others when they are + awake!" + </p> + <p> + "And then, after a while," the boy resumed, "I seemed to see + a black speck somewhere in the all-blessed. And I could not + understand it, and I did not like it; but always I kept + seeing this black speck—only one; and it made me at + last, in spite of my happiness, almost miserable, 'Only,' I + said to myself, 'whatever the black speck may be, God will + rub it white when he is ready!' for, you knew, he couldn't go + on for ever with a black speck going about in his heart! And + when I said this, all at once I knew the black speck was + Corney, and I gave a cry. But with that the black speck began + to grow thin, and it grew thin and thin till all at once I + could see it no more, and the same instant Corney stood + beside me with a smile on his face, and the tears running + clown his cheeks. I stretched out my arms to him, and he + caught me up in his, and then it was all right; I was + Corney's keeper, and Corney was my keeper, and God was all of + us's keeper. And it was then I woke, majie, not before." + </p> + <p> + The days went on. Every new day Mark said, "Now, majie, I do + think to-day I shall tell Corney my dream and the message I + have for him!" But the day grew old and passed, and the dream + was not told. The next and the next and the next passed, and + he seemed to the major not likely ever to have the strength + to tell Corney. Still even his mother, who was now hardly out + of his room during the day, though the major would never + yield the active part of the nursing, did not perceive that + his time was drawing nigh. Hester, also, was much with him + now, and sometimes his father, occasionally Corney and Mrs. + Corney, as Mark called her with a merry look—very + pathetic on his almost transparent face; but none of them + seemed to think his end quite near. + </p> + <p> + One of the marvellous things about the child was his utter + lack of favouritism. He had got so used to the major's strong + arms and systematic engineering way of doing things as to + prefer his nursing to that of any one else; yet he never + objected to the substitution of another when occasion might + require. He took everything that came to him as in itself + right and acceptable. He seemed in his illness to love + everybody more than even while he was well. For every one he + kept his or her own place. His mother was the queen; but he + was nearly as happy with Hester as with her; and the major + was great; but he never showed any discomfort, not to say + unhappiness, when left alone for a while with Saffy—who + was not always so reasonable as he would have liked her to + be. When several were in the room, he would lie looking from + one to another like a miser contemplating his + riches—and well he might! for such riches neither moth + nor rust corrupt, and they are the treasures of heaven also. + </p> + <p> + One evening most of the family were in the room: a vague + sense had diffused itself that the end was not far off, and + an unconfessed instinct had gathered them. + </p> + <p> + A lamp was burning, but the fire-light was stronger. + </p> + <p> + Mark spoke. In a moment the major was bending over him. + </p> + <p> + "Majie," he said, "I want Corney. I want to tell him." + </p> + <p> + The major, on his way to Corney, told the father that the end + was nigh. With sorely self-accusing heart, for the vision of + the boy on the stone in the middle of the moor haunted him, + he repaired to the anteroom of heaven. + </p> + <p> + Mark kept looking for Corney's coming, his eyes turning every + other moment to the door. When his father entered he + stretched out his arms to him. The strong man bending over + him could not repress a sob. The boy pushed him gently away + far enough to see his face, and looked at him as if he could + not quite believe his eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Father," he said—he had never called him <i>father</i> + before—"you must be glad, not sorry. I am going to your + father and my father—to our great father." + </p> + <p> + Then seeing Corney come in, he stretched his arms towards him + past his father, crying, "Corney! Corney!" just as he used to + call him when he was a mere child. Corney bent over him, but + the outstretched arms did not close upon him; they fell. + </p> + <p> + But he was not yet ascended. With a strength seeming + wonderful when they thought of it afterwards, he signed to + the major. + </p> + <p> + "Majie," he whispered, with a look and expression into the + meaning of which the major all his life long had never done + inquiring, "Majie! Corney! you tell!" + </p> + <p> + Then he went. + </p> + <p> + I think it was the grief at the grave of Lazarus that made + our Lord weep, not his death. One with eyes opening into both + worlds could hardly weep over any law of the Father of + Lights! I think it was the impossibility of getting them + comforted over this thing death, which looked to him so + different from what they thought it, that made the fearless + weep, and give them in Lazarus a foretaste of his own + resurrection. + </p> + <p> + The major alone did not weep. He stood with his arms folded, + like a sentry relieved, and waiting the next order. Even + Corney's eyes filled with tears, and he murmured, "Poor + Markie!" It should have been "Poor Corney!" He stooped and + kissed the insensate face, then drew back and gazed with the + rest on the little pilgrim-cloak the small prophet had + dropped as he rose to his immortality. + </p> + <p> + Saffy, who had been seated gazing into the fire, and had no + idea of what had taken place, called out in a strange voice, + "Markie! Markie!" + </p> + <p> + Hester turned to her at the cry, and saw her apparently + following something with her eyes along the wall from the bed + to the window. At the curtained window she gazed for a + moment, and then her eyes fell, and she sat like one in a + dream. A moment more and she sprang to her feet and ran to + the bed, crying again, "Markie! Markie!" Hester lifted her, + and held her to kiss the sweet white face. It seemed to + content her; she went back to her stool by the fire; and + there sat staring at the curtained window with the look of + one gazing into regions unknown. + </p> + <p> + That same night, ere the solemn impression should pass, the + major took Corney to his room, and recalling every individual + expression he could of the little prophet-dreamer, executed, + not without tears, the commission intrusted to him. And + Corney did not laugh. He listened with a grave, even sad + face; and when the major ceased, his eyes were full of tears. + </p> + <p> + "I shall not forget Markie's dream," he said. + </p> + <p> + Thus came everything in to help the youth who had begun to + mend his ways. + </p> + <p> + And shall we think the boy found God not equal to his dream + of him? He made our dreaming: shall it surpass in its making + his mighty self? Shall man dream better than God? or God's + love be inferior to man's imagination or his own? + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="ch60"><!--Marker--></a> + <h2> + CHAPTER LX. + </h2> + <h3> + A BIRTHDAY GIFT. + </h3> + <p> + When Mark's little cloak was put in the earth, for a while + the house felt cold—as if the bit of Paradise had gone + out. Mark's room was like a temple forsaken of its divinity. + But it was not to be drifted up with the sand of + forgetfulness! The major put in a petition that it might + continue to be called Mark's, but should be considered the + major's: he would like to put some of his things in it and + occupy it when he came! Every one was pleased with the idea. + They no longer would feel so painfully that Mark was not + there when his dear majie occupied the room! + </p> + <p> + To the major it was thenceforth chamber and chapel and + monument. It should not be a tomb save as upon the fourth day + the sepulchre in the garden! he would fill it with live + memories of the risen child! Very different was his purpose + from that sickly haunting of the grave in which some loving + hearts indulge! We are bound to be hopeful, nor wrong our + great-hearted father. + </p> + <p> + Mark's books and pictures remained undisturbed. The major + dusted them with his own hands. Every day he read in Mark's + bible. He never took it away with him, but always when he + returned in whatever part of the bible he might have read in + the meantime, he resumed his reading where he had left off in + it, The sword the boy used so to admire for its brightness + that he had placed it unsheathed upon the wall for the + firelight to play upon it, he left there, shining still. In + Mark's bed the major slept, and to Mark's chamber he went + always to shut to the door. In solitude there he learned a + thousand things his busy life had prepared him for learning. + The master had come to him in the child. In him was fulfilled + a phase of the promise that whosoever receives a child in the + name of Jesus receives Jesus and his father. Through + ministering to the child he had come to know the child's + elder brother and master. It was the presence of the master + in the child, that without his knowing it, opened his heart + to him, and he had thus entertained more than an angel. + </p> + <p> + Time passed, and their hearts began, not through any healing + power in time, but under the holy influences of duty and love + and hope, to cover with flowers their furrows of grief. + Hester's birthday was at hand. The major went up to London to + bring her a present. He was determined to make the occasion, + if he could, a cheerful one. + </p> + <p> + He wrote to his cousin Helen asking if he might bring a + friend with him. He did not think, he said, his host or + hostess knew him, but Hester did: he was a young doctor, and + his name was Christopher. He had met him amongst "Hester's + friends," and was much taken with him. He would be a great + acquisition to their party. He had been rather ailing for + some time, and as there was much less sickness now, he had + persuaded him to take a little relaxation. + </p> + <p> + Hester said for her part she would be most happy to see Mr. + Christopher; she had the highest esteem for him; and + therewith she told them something of his history. Mr. + Raymount had known his grandfather a little in the way of + business, and was the more interested in him. + </p> + <p> + I may mention here that Corney soon began to show a practical + interest in the place—first in the look of it—its + order and tidiness, and then in its yield, beginning to + develop a faculty for looking after property. Next he took to + measuring the land. Here the major could give him no end of + help; and having thus found a point of common interest, they + began to be drawn a little together, and to conceive a mild + liking for each other's company. Corney saw by degrees that + the major knew much more than he; and the major discovered + that Corney had some brains. + </p> + <p> + Everything was now going on well at Yrndale—thanks to + the stormy and sorrowful weather that had of late so troubled + its spiritual atmosphere, and killed so many evil worms in + its moral soil! + </p> + <p> + As soon as the distress caused by Corney's offences was + soothed by reviving love for the youth and fresh hope in him, + Hester informed her parents of the dissolution of her + engagement to lord Gartley. The mother was troubled: it is + the girl that suffers evil judgment in such a case, and she + knew how the tongue of the world would wag. But those who + despise the ways of the world need not fret that low minds + attribute to them the things of which low minds are capable. + The world and its judgments will pass: the poisonous tongue + will one day become pure, and make ample apology for its evil + speaking. The tongue is a fire, but there is a stronger fire + than the tongue. Her father and the major cared little for + this aspect of the matter, for they had both come to the + conclusion that the public is only a sort of innocent, whose + behaviour may be troublesome or pleasant, but whose opinion + is worth considerably less than that of a wise hound, The + world is a fine thing to save, but a wretch to worship. + Neither did the father care much for lord Gartley, though he + had liked him; the major, we know, both despised and detested + him. + </p> + <p> + Hester herself was annoyed to find how soon the idea of his + lordship came to be altogether a thing of her past, looking + there in its natural place, a thing to trouble her no more. + At his natural distance from her, she could not fail to see + what a small creature her imagination, and the self that had + mingled with her noblest feelings concerning him, had chosen + as her companion and help in her schemes of good. But she was + able to look on the whole blunder with calmness, and a + thankfulness that kept growing as the sting of her fault lost + its burning, lenified in the humility it brought. + </p> + <p> + There was nothing left her now, she said to herself, but the + best of all—a maiden life devoted to the work of her + master. She was not willing any more to run the risk of + loosing her power to help the Lord's creatures, down trodden + of devils, <i>well-to-do</i> people, and their own miserable + weaknesses and vices. Even remaining constant to duty, she + must, in continuous disappointment and the mockery of a false + unity, have lost the health, and worse, the spirits necessary + to wholesome contact and such work as she was fain to do. In + constant opposition to her husband, spending the best part of + her strength in resistance ere it could reach the place where + it ought to be applied entire, with strife consciously + destroying her love and keeping her in a hopeless unrest, how + could any light have shone from her upon those whose darkness + made her miserable! Now she would hold herself free! What a + blessed thing it was to be her own mistress and the slave of + the Lord, externally free! To be the slave of a husband was + the worst of all slavery except self-slavery! + </p> + <p> + Nor was there in this her conclusion anything of chagrin, or + pettish self-humiliation. St. Paul abstained from marriage + that he might the better do the work given him by the Lord. + For his perilous and laborious work it was better, he judged, + that he should not be married. It was for the kingdom of + heaven's sake. + </p> + <p> + Her spirits soon returned more buoyant than before. Her + health was better. She found she had been suffering from an + oppression she had refused to recognize—already in no + small measure yoked, and right unequally. Only a few weeks + passed, and, in the prime of health and that glorious thing + feminine strength, she looked a yet grander woman than + before. There was greater freedom in her carriage, and she + seemed to have grown. The humility that comes with the + discovery of error had made her yet more dignified: true + dignity comes only of humility. Pride is the ruin of dignity, + for it is a worshipping of self, and that involves a + continuous sinking. Humility, the worship of the + Ideal—that is, of the man Christ Jesus, is the only + lifter-up of the head. + </p> + <p> + Everybody felt her more lovable than before. Her mother began + to feel an enchantment of peace in her presence. Her father + sought her company more than ever in his walks, and not only + talked to her about Corney, but talked about his own wrong + feelings towards him, and how he had been punished for them + by what they wrought in him. He had begun, he told her, to + learn many things he had supposed he knew he had only thought + and written and talked about them! Father and daughter were + therefore much to each other now. Even Corney perceived a + change in her. For one thing, scarce a shadow of that + "superiority" remained which used to irritate him so much, + making him rebel against whatever she said. She became more + and more Amy's ideal of womanhood, and by degrees she taught + her husband to read more justly his beautiful sister. She + pointed out to him how few would have tried to protect and + deliver him as she had done; how few would have so generously + taken herself, a poor uneducated girl, to a sister's heart. + So altogether things were going well in the family: it was + bidding fair to be a family forevermore. + </p> + <p> + Miss Dasomma came to spend a few days with Hester and help + celebrate her birthday: she was struck with improvement where + she would have been loath to allow it either necessary or + possible. Compelled to admit its presence, she loved her yet + more—for the one a fact, the other was a necessity. + </p> + <p> + Her birthday was the sweetest of summer days, and she looked + a perfect summer-born woman. She dressed herself in white, + but not so much for her own birthday as for Mark's into the + heavenly kingdom. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast all except the mother went out. Hester was + little inclined to talk, and the major was in a thoughtful, + brooding mood. Miss Dasomma and Mr. Raymount alone conversed. + When the rest reached a certain spot whither Mr. Raymount had + led them for the sake of the view, Hester had fallen a little + behind, and Christopher went back to meet her. + </p> + <p> + "You are thinking of your brother," he said, in a tone that + made her feel grateful. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," she answered. + </p> + <p> + "I knew by your eyes," he returned. "I wish I could talk to + you about him. The right way of getting used to death is to + go nearer the dead. Suppose you tell me something about him! + Such children are rare! They are prophets to whose word we + have to listen." + </p> + <p> + He went on like this, drawing her from sadness with gentle + speech about children and death, and the look and reality of + things; and so they wandered about the moor for a little + while before joining the rest. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Raymount was much pleased with Christopher, and even + Corney found himself drawn to his side, feeling, though he + did not know it, a strength in him that offered protection. + </p> + <p> + The day went on in the simplest, pleasantest intercourse. + After lunch, Hester opened her piano, and asked Miss Dasomma, + gifted in her art even to the pitch prophetic, to sit down + and play—-"upon <i>us</i>" she said. And in truth she + did: for what the hammers were to the strings, such were the + sounds she drew from them to the human chords stretched + expectant before her. Vibrating souls responded in the music + that is unheard. A rosy conscious silence pervaded the summer + afternoon and the ancient drawing-room, in which the + listeners were one here and one there, all apart—except + Corney and "Mrs. Corney," as for love of Mark she liked to be + called, on a sofa side by side, and Saffy playing with a + white kitten, neither attending to the music, which may have + been doing something for both notwithstanding. Mr. Raymount + sat in a great soft chair with a book in his hand, listening + more than reading: his wife lay on a couch, and soon passed + into dreams of pleasant sounds; the major stood erect by Miss + Dasomma, a little behind her, with his arms folded across his + chest; and Christopher sat on a low window-seat in an oriel, + where the balmiest of perfumed airs freely entered. Between + him and all the rest hung the heavy folds of a curtain, which + every now and then swelled out like the sail of Cleopatra's + barge "upon the river Cydnus." + </p> + <p> + He sat with the tears rolling down his face, for the music to + which he listened seemed such as he had only dreamed of + before. It was the music of climes where sorrow is but the + memory of that which has been turned into joy. He thought no + one saw him, and no one would have seen him but for the + traitor wind seeming only to play with the curtain but every + now and then blowing it wide out, as if the sheet of the sail + had been let go, and revealing him to Hester where she sat on + a stool beside her mother and held her sleeping hand. It was + to her the revelation of a heart, and she saw with reverence. + </p> + <p> + Lord Gartley could sing, lord Gartley could play, lord + Gartley understood the technicalities of music; Christopher + could neither play nor sing—at least anything more than + a common psalm-tune to lead the groans of his poor—and + understood nothing of music; but there was in him a whole sea + of musical delight, to be set in motion by the enchantress + who knew the spell! Such an enchantress might float in the + bark of her own will across the heaving waves of that sea, + moon and wind of its tides and currents! When the music + ceased she saw him go softly from the room. + </p> + <p> + After an early dinner, early that they might have room for a + walk in the twilight, the major proposed the health of his + cousin Hester, and made a little speech in her honour and + praise. Nor did his praise make Hester feel awkward, for + praise which is the odour of love neither fevers nor sickens. + </p> + <p> + "And now, cousin Hester," concluded the major, "you know that + I love you like a child of my own! It is a good thing you are + not, for if you were then you would not be half so good, or + so beautiful, or so wise, or so accomplished as you are! Will + you oblige me by accepting this foolscap, which, I hope, will + serve to make this blessed day yet a trifle more pleasant to + look back upon when Mark has got his old majie again. It + represents a sort of nut, itself too bulky for a railway + truck. If my Hester choose to call it an empty nut, I don't + mind: the good of it to her will be in the filling of it with + many kernels." + </p> + <p> + With this enigmatical peroration the major made Hester a low + bow, and handed her a sheet of foolscap, twice folded, and + tied with a bit of white ribbon. She took it with a sweetly + radiant curiosity. It was the title-deed of the house in + Addison square. She gave a cry of joy, got up, threw her arms + round majie's neck, and kissed him. + </p> + <p> + "Aha!" said the major, "if I had been a young man now, I + should not have had that! But I will not be conceited; I know + what it is she means it for: the kiss collective of all the + dirty men and women in her dear slums, glorified into that of + an angel of God!" + </p> + <p> + Hester was not a young lady given to weeping, but she did + here break down and cry. Her long-cherished dream come true! + She had no money, but that did not trouble her: there was + always a way of doing when one was willing to begin small! + </p> + <p> + This is indeed a divine law! There shall be no success to the + man who is not willing to begin small. Small is strong, for + it only can grow strong. Big at the outset is but bloated and + weak. There are thousands willing to do great things for one + willing to do a small thing; but there never was any truly + great thing that did not begin small. + </p> + <p> + In her delight Hester, having read the endorsement, handed + the paper, without opening it, to Christopher, who sat next + her, with the unconscious conviction that he would understand + the delight it gave her. He took it and, with a look asking + if he might, opened it. + </p> + <p> + The major had known for some time that Mr. Raymount wanted to + sell the house, and believed, from the way Hester spent + herself in London, he could not rejoice her better than by + purchasing it for her; so, just as it was, with everything as + it stood in it, he made it his birthday-gift to her. + </p> + <p> + "There is more here than you know," said Christopher, handing + her back the paper. She opened it and saw something about a + thousand pounds, for which again she gave joyous and loving + thanks. But before the evening was over she learned that it + was not a thousand pounds the dear majie had given her, but + the thousand a year he had offered her if she would give up + lord Gartley. Thus a new paradise of God-labour opened on the + delighted eyes of Hester. + </p> + <p> + In the evening, when the sun was down, they went for another + walk. I suspect the major, but am not sure:—anyhow, in + the middle of a fir-wood Hester found herself alone with + Christopher. The wood rose towards the moor, growing thinner + and thinner as it ascended. They were climbing westward full + in face of the sunset, which was barred across the trees in + gold, blue, rosy pink, and a lovely indescribable green, such + as is not able to live except in the after sunset. The west + lay like the beautiful dead not yet faded into the brown dark + of mother-earth. The fir-trees and bars of sunset made a + glorious gate before them. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Hester!" said Christopher—he had been hearing her + called <i>Hester</i> on all sides all day long, and it not + only came of itself, but stayed unnoticed of either—"if + that were the gate of heaven, and we climbing to it now to go + in and see all the dear people!" + </p> + <p> + "That would be joy!" responded Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Come then: let us imagine it a while. There is no harm in + dreaming." + </p> + <p> + "Sometimes when Mark would tell me one of his dreams, I could + not help thinking," said Hester, "how much more of reality + there was in it than in most so-called realities." + </p> + <p> + Then came a silence. + </p> + <p> + "Suppose," began Christopher again, "one claiming to be a + prophet appeared, saying that in the life to come we were to + go on living just such a life as here, with the one + difference that we should be no longer deluded with the idea + of something better; that all our energies would then be, and + ought now to be spent in making the best of what we + had—without any foolish indulgence in hope or + aspiration:—what would you say to that?" + </p> + <p> + "I would say," answered Hester, "he must have had his + revelation either from God, from a demon, or from his own + heart: it could not be from God, because it made the idea of + a God an impossibility; it must come from a demon or from + himself, and in neither case was worth paying attention + to.—I think," she went on, "my own feeling or + imagination must be better worth my own heeding than that of + another. The essential delight of this world seems to me to + lie in the expectation of a better." + </p> + <p> + They emerged from the wood, the bare moor spread on all sides + before them, and lo, the sunset was countless miles away! + Hills, fields, rivers, mountains, lay between! Christopher + stopped, and turning, looked at Hester. + </p> + <p> + "Is this the reality?" he said. "We catch sight of the gate + of heaven, and set out for it. It comes nearer and nearer. + All at once a something they call a reality of life comes + between, and the shining gate is millions of miles away! Then + cry some of its pilgrims, 'Alas, we are fooled! There is no + such thing as the gate of heaven! Let us eat and drink and do + what good we can, for to-morrow we die!' But is there no gate + because we find none on the edge of the wood where it seemed + to lie? There it is, before us yet, though a long way farther + back. What has space or time to do with being? Can distance + destroy fact? What if one day the chain of gravity were to + break, and, starting from the edge of the pine wood, we fared + or flew farther and farther towards the bars of gold and rose + and green! And what if even then we found them recede and + recede as we advanced, until heart was gone out of us, and we + could follow no longer, but, sitting down on some wayside + cloud, fell a thinking! Should we not say—Justly are we + punished, and our punishment was to follow the vain thing we + took for heaven-gate! Heaven-gate is too grand a goal to be + reached foot or wing. High above us, it yet opens inside us; + and when it opens, down comes the gate of amber and rose, and + we step through both, at once!" + </p> + <p> + He was silent. They were on the top of the ridge. A little + beyond stood the dusky group of their companions. And the + world lay beneath them. + </p> + <p> + "Who would live in London who might live here?" said the + major. + </p> + <p> + "No one," answered Hester and Christopher together. + </p> + <p> + The major turned and looked at them almost in alarm. + </p> + <p> + "But I <i>may not</i>," said Hester. "God chooses that I live + in London." + </p> + <p> + Said Christopher,— + </p> + <p> + "Christ would surely have liked better to go on living in his + father's house than go where so many did not know either him + or his father! But he could not go on enjoying his heaven + while those many lived only a death in life. He must go and + start them for home! Who in any measure seeing what Christ + sees and feeling as Christ feels, would rest in the enjoyment + of beauty while so many are unable to desire it? We are not + real human beings until we are of the same mind with Christ. + There are many who would save the pathetic and interesting + and let the ugly and provoking take care of themselves! Not + so Christ, nor those who have learned of him!" + </p> + <p> + Christopher spoke so quietly there seemed even a contrast + between his manner and the fervour of his words. + </p> + <p> + "I would take as many in with me," he said, turning to + Hester, "as I might, should it be after a thousand years I + went in at the gate of the sunset—the sunrise rather, + of which the sunset is a leaf of the folding door! It would + be sorrow to go in alone. My people, my own, my own humans, + my men, my women, my little ones, must go in with me!" + </p> + <p> + Hester laboured, and Christopher laboured. And if one was the + heart and the other the head, the major was the right hand. + But what they did and how they did it, would require a book, + and no small one, to itself. + </p> + <p> + It is no matter that here I cannot tell their story. No man + ever did the best work who copied another. Let every man work + out the thing that is in him! Who, according to the means he + has, great or small, does the work given him to do, stands by + the side of the Saviour, is a fellow-worker with him. Be a + brother after thy own fashion, only see it be a brother thou + art. The one who weighed, is found wanting the most, is the + one whose tongue and whose life do not match—who says, + "Lord! Lord!" and does not the thing the Lord says; the + deacon who finds a good seat for the man in goodly apparel, + and lets the poor widow stand in the aisle unheeded; the + preacher who descants on the love of God in the pulpit, and + looks out for a rich wife in his flock; the missionary who + would save the heathen, but gives his own soul to + merchandize; the woman who spends her strength for the poor, + and makes discord at home. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Weighed and Wanting, by George MacDonald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEIGHED AND WANTING *** + +***** This file should be named 9096-h.htm or 9096-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/0/9/9096/ + +Produced by David Garcia, Jonathan Ingram and Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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