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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This etext was prepared by Dianne Bean, Chino Valley, Arizona. + + + + + +The Rose and the Ring by William Makepeace Thackeray + + + + +PRELUDE + +It happened that the undersigned spent the last Christmas season +in a foreign city where there were many English children. + +In that city, if you wanted to give a child's party, you could +not even get a magic-lantern or buy Twelfth-Night +characters--those funny painted pictures of the King, the Queen, +the Lover, the Lady, the Dandy, the Captain, and so on-- with +which our young ones are wont to recreate themselves at this +festive time. + +My friend Miss Bunch, who was governess of a large family that +lived in the Piano Nobile of the house inhabited by myself and my +young charges (it was the Palazzo Poniatowski at Rome, and +Messrs. Spillmann, two of the best pastrycooks in Christendom, +have their shop on the ground floor): Miss Bunch, I say, begged +me to draw a set of Twelfth-Night characters for the amusement of +our young people. + +She is a lady of great fancy and droll imagination, and having +looked at the characters, she and I composed a history about +them, which was recited to the little folks at night, and served +as our FIRESIDE PANTOMIME. + +Our juvenile audience was amused by the adventures of Giglio and +Bulbo, Rosalba and Angelica. I am bound to say the fate of the +Hall Porter created a considerable sensation; and the wrath of +Countess Gruffanuff was received with extreme pleasure. + +If these children are pleased, thought I, why should not others +be amused also? In a few days Dr. Birch's young friends will be +expected to reassemble at Rodwell Regis, where they will learn +everything that is useful, and under the eyes of careful ushers +continue the business of their little lives. + +But, in the meanwhile, and for a brief holiday, let us laugh and +be as pleasant as we can. And you elder folk--a little joking, +and dancing, and fooling will do even you no harm. The author +wishes you a merry Christmas, and welcomes you to the Fireside +Pantomime. + +W. M. THACKERAY. December 1854. + + + +CONTENTS + +I. SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST + +II. HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT +WITHOUT + +III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO +MANY GRAND PERSONAGES BESIDES + +IV. HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA'S +CHRISTENING + +V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID + +VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF + +VII. HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL + +VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO +CAME TO COURT + +IX. HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING-PAN + +X. HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION + +XI. WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA + +XII. HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER + +XIII. HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD COUNT +HOGGINARMO + +XIV. WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO + +XV. WE RETURN TO ROSALBA + +XVI. HOW HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO + +XVII. HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE TOOK PLACE, AND WHO WON IT + +XVIII. HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL + +XIX. AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST SCENE IN THE PANTOMIME + + + +THE ROSE AND THE RING + + + +I. SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST + +This is Valoroso XXIV., King of Paflagonia, seated with his Queen +and only child at their royal breakfast-table, and receiving the +letter which announces to His Majesty a proposed visit from +Prince Bulbo, heir of Padella, reigning King of Crim Tartary. +Remark the delight upon the monarch's royal features. He is so +absorbed in the perusal of the King of Crim Tartary's letter, +that he allows his eggs to get cold, and leaves his august +muffins untasted. + +'What! that wicked, brave, delightful Prince Bulbo!' cries +Princess Angelica; 'so handsome, so accomplished, so witty--the +conqueror of Rimbombamento, where he slew ten thousand giants!' + +'Who told you of him, my dear?' asks His Majesty. + +'A little bird,' says Angelica. + +'Poor Giglio!' says mamma, pouring out the tea. + +'Bother Giglio!' cries Angelica, tossing up her head, which +rustled with a thousand curl-papers. + +'I wish,' growls the King--'I wish Giglio was. . .' + +'Was better? Yes, dear, he is better,' says the Queen. +'Angelica's little maid, Betsinda, told me so when she came to my +room this morning with my early tea.' + +'You are always drinking tea,' said the monarch, with a scowl. + +'It is better than drinking port or brandy and water;' replies +Her Majesty. + +'Well, well, my dear, I only said you were fond of drinking tea,' +said the King of Paflagonia, with an effort as if to command his +temper. 'Angelica! I hope you have plenty of new dresses; your +milliners' bills are long enough. My dear Queen, you must see +and have some parties. I prefer dinners, but of course you will +be for balls. Your everlasting blue velvet quite tires me: and, +my love, I should like you to have a new necklace. Order one. +Not more than a hundred or a hundred and fifty thousand pounds.' + +'And Giglio, dear?' says the Queen. + +'GIGLIO MAY GO TO THE--' + +'Oh, sir,' screams Her Majesty. 'Your own nephew! our late +King's only son.' + +'Giglio may go to the tailor's, and order the bills to be sent in +to Glumboso to pay. Confound him! I mean bless his dear heart. +He need want for nothing; give him a couple of guineas for +pocket-money, my dear; and you may as well order yourself +bracelets while you are about the necklace, Mrs. V.' + +Her Majesty, or MRS. V., as the monarch facetiously called her +(for even royalty will have its sport, and this august family +were very much attached), embraced her husband, and, twining her +arm round her daughter's waist, they quitted the breakfast-room +in order to make all things ready for the princely stranger. + +When they were gone, the smile that had lighted up the eyes of +the HUSBAND and FATHER fled--the pride of the KING fled--the MAN +was alone. Had I the pen of a G. P. R. James, I would describe +Valoroso's torments in the choicest language; in which I would +also depict his flashing eye, his distended nostril--his +dressing-gown, pocket-handkerchief, and boots. But I need not +say I have NOT the pen of that novelist; suffice it to say, +Valoroso was alone. + +He rushed to the cupboard, seizing from the table one of the many +egg-cups with which his princely board was served for the matin +meal, drew out a bottle of right Nantz or Cognac, filled and +emptied the cup several times, and laid it down with a hoarse +'Ha, ha, ha! now Valoroso is a man again!' + +'But oh!' he went on (still sipping, I am sorry to say), 'ere I +was a king, I needed not this intoxicating draught; once I +detested the hot brandy wine, and quaffed no other fount but +nature's rill. It dashes not more quickly o'er the rocks than I +did, as, with blunderbuss in hand, I brushed away the early +morning dew, and shot the partridge, snipe, or antlered deer! +Ah! well may England's dramatist remark, "Uneasy lies the head +that wears a crown!" Why did I steal my nephew's, my young +Giglio's--? Steal! said I? no, no, no, not steal, not steal. +Let me withdraw that odious expression. I took, and on my manly +head I set, the royal crown of Paflagonia; I took, and with my +royal arm I wield, the sceptral rod of Paflagonia; I took, and in +my outstretched hand I hold, the royal orb of Paflagonia! Could +a poor boy, a snivelling, drivelling boy--was in his nurse's arms +but yesterday, and cried for sugarplums and puled for pap--bear +up the awful weight of crown, orb, sceptre? gird on the sword my +royal fathers wore, and meet in fight the tough Crimean foe?' + +And then the monarch went on to argue in his own mind (though we +need not say that blank verse is not argument) that what he had +got it was his duty to keep, and that, if at one time he had +entertained ideas of a certain restitution, which shall be +nameless, the prospect by a CERTAIN MARRIAGE of uniting two +crowns and two nations which had been engaged in bloody and +expensive wars, as the Paflagonians and the Crimeans had been, +put the idea of Giglio's restoration to the throne out of the +question: nay, were his own brother, King Savio, alive, he would +certainly will the crown from his own son in order to bring about +such a desirable union. + +Thus easily do we deceive ourselves! Thus do we fancy what we +wish is right! The King took courage, read the papers, finished +his muffins and eggs, and rang the bell for his Prime Minister. +The Queen, after thinking whether she should go up and see +Giglio, who had been sick, thought 'Not now. Business first; +pleasure afterwards. I will go and see dear Giglio this +afternoon; and now I will drive to the jeweller's, to look for +the necklace and bracelets.' The Princess went up into her own +room, and made Betsinda, her maid, bring out all her dresses; and +as for Giglio, they forgot him as much as I forget what I had for +dinner last Tuesday twelve-month. + + + +II. HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT +WITHOUT + +Paflagonia, ten or twenty thousand years ago, appears to have +been one of those kingdoms where the laws of succession were not +settled; for when King Savio died, leaving his brother Regent of +the kingdom, and guardian of Savio's orphan infant, this +unfaithful regent took no sort of regard of the late monarch's +will; had himself proclaimed sovereign of Paflagonia under the +title of King Valoroso XXIV., had a most splendid coronation, and +ordered all the nobles of the kingdom to pay him homage. So long +as Valoroso gave them plenty of balls at Court, plenty of money +and lucrative places, the Paflagonian nobility did not care who +was king; and as for the people, in those early times, they were +equally indifferent. The Prince Giglio, by reason of his tender +age at his royal father's death, did not feel the loss of his +crown and empire. As long as he had plenty of toys and +sweetmeats, a holiday five times a week and a horse and gun to go +out shooting when he grew a little older, and, above all, the +company of his darling cousin, the King's only child, poor Giglio +was perfectly contented; nor did he envy his uncle the royal +robes and sceptre, the great hot uncomfortable throne of state, +and the enormous cumbersome crown in which that monarch appeared +from morning till night. King Valoroso's portrait has been left +to us; and I think you will agree with me that he must have been +sometimes RATHER TIRED of his velvet, and his diamonds, and his +ermine, and his grandeur. I shouldn't like to sit in that +stifling robe with such a thing as that on my head. + +No doubt, the Queen must have been lovely in her youth; for +though she grew rather stout in after life, yet her features, as +shown in her portrait, are certainly PLEASING. If she was fond +of flattery, scandal, cards, and fine clothes, let us deal gently +with her infirmities, which, after all, may be no greater than +our own. She was kind to her nephew; and if she had any scruples +of conscience about her husband's taking the young Prince's +crown, consoled herself by thinking that the King, though a +usurper, was a most respectable man, and that at his death Prince +Giglio would be restored to his throne, and share it with his +cousin, whom he loved so fondly. + +The Prime Minister was Glumboso, an old statesman, who most +cheerfully swore fidelity to King Valoroso, and in whose hands +the monarch left all the affairs of his kingdom. All Valoroso +wanted was plenty of money, plenty of hunting, plenty of +flattery, and as little trouble as possible. As long as he had +his sport, this monarch cared little how his people paid for it: +he engaged in some wars, and of course the Paflagonian newspapers +announced that he had gained prodigious victories: he had +statues erected to himself in every city of the empire; and of +course his pictures placed everywhere, and in all the +print-shops: he was Valoroso the Magnanimous, Valoroso the +Victorious, Valoroso the Great, and so forth;--for even in these +early times courtiers and people knew how to flatter. + +This royal pair had one only child, the Princess Angelica, who, +you may be sure, was a paragon in the courtiers' eyes, in her +parents', and in her own. It was said she had the longest hair, +the largest eyes, the slimmest waist, the smallest foot, and the +most lovely complexion of any young lady in the Paflagonian +dominions. Her accomplishments were announced to be even +superior to her beauty; and governesses used to shame their idle +pupils by telling them what Princess Angelica could do. She +could play the most difficult pieces of music at sight. She +could answer any one of Mangnall's Questions. She knew every +date in the history of Paflagonia, and every other country. She +knew French, English, Italian, German, Spanish, Hebrew, Greek, +Latin, Cappadocian, Samothracian, Aegean, and Crim Tartar. In a +word, she was a most accomplished young creature; and her +governess and lady-in-waiting was the severe Countess Gruffanuff. + + +Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruffanuff must have +been a person of highest birth? She looks so haughty that I +should have thought her a princess at the very least, with a +pedigree reaching as far back as the Deluge. But this lady was +no better born than many other ladies who give themselves airs; +and all sensible people laughed at her absurd pretensions. The +fact is, she had been maid-servant to the Queen when Her Majesty +was only Princess, and her husband had been head footman; but +after his death or DISAPPEARANCE, of which you shall hear +presently, this Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and +wheedling her royal mistress, became a favourite with the Queen +(who was rather a weak woman), and Her Majesty gave her a title, +and made her nursery governess to the Princess. + +And now I must tell you about the Princess's learning and +accomplishments, for which she had such a wonderful character. +Clever Angelica certainly was, but as IDLE as POSSIBLE. Play at +sight, indeed! she could play one or two pieces, and pretend that +she had never seen them before; she could answer half a dozen +Mangnall's Questions; but then you must take care to ask the +RIGHT ones. As for her languages, she had masters in plenty, but +I doubt whether she knew more than a few phrases in each, for all +her presence; and as for her embroidery and her drawing, she +showed beautiful specimens, it is true, but WHO DID THEM? + +This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must go back +ever so far, and tell you about the FAIRY BLACKSTICK. + + + +III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO +MANY GRAND PERSONAGES BESIDES + +Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tartary, there lived +a mysterious personage, who was known in those countries as the +Fairy Blackstick, from the ebony wand or crutch which she +carried; on which she rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other +excursions of business or pleasure, and with which she performed +her wonders. + +When she was young, and had been first taught the art of +conjuring by the necromancer, her father, she was always +practicing her skill, whizzing about from one kingdom to another +upon her black stick, and conferring her fairy favours upon this +Prince or that. She had scores of royal godchildren; turned +numberless wicked people into beasts, birds, millstones, clocks, +pumps, boot jacks, umbrellas, or other absurd shapes; and, in a +word, was one of the most active and officious of the whole +College of fairies. + +But after two or three thousand years of this sport, I suppose +Blackstick grew tired of it. Or perhaps she thought, 'What good +am I doing by sending this Princess to sleep for a hundred years? +by fixing a black pudding on to that booby's nose? by causing +diamonds and pearls to drop from one little girl's mouth, and +vipers and toads from another's? I begin to think I do as much +harm as good by my performances. I might as well shut my +incantations up, and allow things to take their natural course. + +'There were my two young goddaughters, King Savio's wife, and +Duke Padella's wife, I gave them each a present, which was to +render them charming in the eyes of their husbands, and secure +the affection of those gentlemen as long as they lived. What +good did my Rose and my Ring do these two women? None on earth. +From having all their whims indulged by their husbands, they +became capricious, lazy, ill-humoured, absurdly vain, and leered +and languished, and fancied themselves irresistibly beautiful, +when they were really quite old and hideous, the ridiculous +creatures! They used actually to patronise me when I went to pay +them a visit--ME, the Fairy Blackstick, who knows all the wisdom +of the necromancers, and could have turned them into baboons, and +all their diamonds into strings of onions, by a single wave of my +rod!' So she locked up her books in her cupboard, declined +further magical performances, and scarcely used her wand at all +except as a cane to walk about with. + +So when Duke Padella's lady had a little son (the Duke was at +that time only one of the principal noblemen in Crim Tartary), +Blackstick, although invited to the christening, would not so +much as attend; but merely sent her compliments and a silver +papboat for the baby, which was really not worth a couple of +guineas. About the same time the Queen of Paflagonia presented +His Majesty with a son and heir; and guns were fired, the capital +illuminated, and no end of feasts ordained to celebrate the young +Prince's birth. It was thought the fairy, who was asked to be +his godmother, would at least have presented him with an +invisible jacket, a flying horse, a Fortunatus's purse, or some +other valuable token of her favour; but instead, Blackstick went +up to the cradle of the child Giglio, when everybody was admiring +him and complimenting his royal papa and mamma, and said, 'My +poor child, the best thing I can send you is a little +MISFORTUNE'; and this was all she would utter, to the disgust of +Giglio's parents, who died very soon after, when Giglio's uncle +took the throne, as we read in Chapter I. + +In like manner, when CAVOLFIORE, King of Crim Tartary, had a +christening of his only child, ROSALBA, the Fairy Blackstick, who +had been invited, was not more gracious than in Prince Giglio's +case. Whilst everybody was expatiating over the beauty of the +darling child, and congratulating its parents, the Fairy +Blackstick looked very sadly at the baby and its mother, and +said, 'My good woman (for the Fairy was very familiar, and no +more minded a Queen than a washerwoman)--my good woman, these +people who are following you will be the first to turn against +you; and as for this little lady, the best thing I can wish her +is a LITTLE MISFORTUNE.' So she touched Rosalba with her black +wand, looked severely at the courtiers, motioned the Queen an +adieu with her hand, and sailed slowly up into the air out of the +window. + +When she was gone, the Court people, who had been awed and silent +in her presence, began to speak. 'What an odious Fairy she is +(they said)--a pretty Fairy, indeed! Why, she went to the King +of Paflagonia's christening, and pretended to do all sorts of +things for that family; and what has happened--the Prince, her +godson, has been turned off his throne by his uncle. Would we +allow our sweet Princess to be deprived of her rights by any +enemy? Never, never, never, never!' + +And they all shouted in a chorus, 'Never, never, never, never!' + +Now, I should like to know, and how did these fine courtiers show +their fidelity? One of King Cavolfiore's vassals, the Duke +Padella just mentioned, rebelled against the King, who went out +to chastise his rebellious subject. 'Any one rebel against our +beloved and august Monarch!' cried the courtiers; 'any one resist +HIM? Pooh! He is invincible, irresistible. He will bring home +Padella a prisoner, and tie him to a donkey's tail, and drive him +round the town, saying, "This is the way the Great Cavolfiore +treats rebels."' + +The King went forth to vanquish Padella; and the poor Queen, who +was a very timid, anxious creature, grew so frightened and ill +that I am sorry to say she died; leaving injunctions with her +ladies to take care of the dear little Rosalba.--Of course they +said they would. Of course they vowed they would die rather than +any harm should happen to the Princess. At first the Crim Tartar +Court Journal stated that the King was obtaining great victories +over the audacious rebel: then it was announced that the troops +of the infamous Padella were in flight: then it was said that the +royal army would soon come up with the enemy, and then--then the +news came that King Cavolfiore was vanquished and slain by His +Majesty, King Padella the First! + +At this news, half the courtiers ran off to pay their duty to the +conquering chief, and the other half ran away, laying hands on +all the best articles in the palace; and poor little Rosalba was +left there quite alone-- quite alone; and she toddled from one +room to another, crying, 'Countess! Duchess!' (Only she said +'Tountess, Duttess,' not being able to speak plain) 'bring me my +mutton sop; my Royal Highness hungy! Tountess! Duttess!' And she +went from the private apartments into the throne-room and nobody +was there;--and thence into the ballroom and nobody was +there;--and thence into the pages' room and nobody was there; +--and she toddled down the great staircase into the hall and +nobody was there;--and the door was open, and she went into the +court, and into the garden, and thence into the wilderness, and +thence into the forest where the wild beasts live, and was never +heard of any more! + +A piece of her torn mantle and one of her shoes were found in the +wood in the mouths of two lionesses' cubs whom KING PADELLA and a +royal hunting party shot--for he was King now, and reigned over +Crim Tartary. 'So the poor little Princess is done for,' said +he; 'well, what's done can't be helped. Gentlemen, let us go to +luncheon!' And one of the courtiers took up the shoe and put it +in his pocket. And there was an end of Rosalba! + + + +IV. HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA'S +CHRISTENING + +When the Princess Angelica was born, her parents not only did not +ask the Fairy Blackstick to the christening party, but gave +orders to their porter absolutely to refuse her if she called. +This porter's name was Gruffanuff, and he had been selected for +the post by their Royal Highnesses because he was a very tall +fierce man, who could say 'Not at home' to a tradesman or an +unwel come visitor with a rudeness which frightened most such +persons away. He was the husband of that Countess whose picture +we have just seen, and as long as they were together they +quarrelled from morning till night. Now this fellow tried his +rudeness once too often, as you shall hear. For the Fairy +Blackstick coming to call upon the Prince and Princess, who were +actually sitting at the open drawing-room window, Gruffanuff not +only denied them, but made the most ODIOUS VULGAR SIGN as he was +going to slam the door in the Fairy's face! 'Git away, hold +Blackstick!' said he. 'I tell you, Master and Missis ain't at +home to you;' and he was, as we have said, GOING to slam the +door. + +But the Fairy, with her wand, prevented the door being shut; and +Gruffanuff came out again in a fury, swearing in the most +abominable way, and asking the Fairy 'whether she thought he was +a going to stay at that there door hall day?' + +'You ARE going to stay at that door all day and all night, and +for many a long year,' the Fairy said, very majestically; and +Gruffanuff, coming out of the door, straddling before it with his +great calves, burst out laughing, and cried, 'Ha, ha, ha! this is +a good un! Ha--ah--what's this? Let me down--O--o-- H'm!' and +then he was dumb! + +For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt himself rising +off the ground, and fluttering up against the door, and then, as +if a screw ran into his stomach, he felt a dreadful pain there, +and was pinned to the door; and then his arms flew up over his +head; and his legs, after writhing about wildly, twisted under +his body; and he felt cold, cold, growing over him, as if he was +turning into metal; and he said, 'O--o--H'm!' and could say no +more, because he was dumb. + +He WAS turned into metal! He was, from being BRAZEN, BRASS! He +was neither more nor less than a knocker! And there he was, +nailed to the door in the blazing summer day, till he burned +almost red-hot; and there he was, nailed to the door all the +bitter winter nights, till his brass nose was dropping with +icicles. And the postman came and rapped at him, and the +vulgarest boy with a letter came and hit him up against the door. +And the King and Queen (Princess and Prince they were then) +coming home from a walk that evening, the King said, 'Hullo, my +dear! you have had a new knocker put on the door. Why, it's +rather like our porter in the face! What has become of that +boozy vagabond?' And the house-maid came and scrubbed his nose +with sandpaper; and once, when the Princess Angelica's little +sister was born, he was tied up in an old kid glove; and, another +night, some LARKING young men tried to wrench him off, and put +him to the most excruciating agony with a turn screw. And then +the Queen had a fancy to have the colour of the door altered; and +the painters dabbed him over the mouth and eyes, and nearly +choked him, as they painted him pea-green. I warrant he had +leisure to repent of having been rude to the Fairy Blackstick! + +As for his wife, she did not miss him; and as he was always +guzzling beer at the public-house, and notoriously quarrelling +with his wife, and in debt to the tradesmen, it was supposed he +had run away from all these evils, and emigrated to Australia or +America. And when the Prince and Princess chose to become King +and Queen, they left their old house, and nobody thought of the +porter any more. + + + +V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID + +One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a little girl, she +was walking in the garden of the palace, with Mrs. Gruffanuff, +the governess, holding a parasol over her head, to keep her sweet +complexion from the freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun, to +feed the swans and ducks in the royal pond. + +They had not reached the duck-pond, when there came toddling up +to them such a funny little girl! She had a great quantity of +hair blowing about her chubby little cheeks, and looked as if she +had not been washed or combed for ever so long. She wore a +ragged bit of a cloak, and had only one shoe on. + +'You little wretch, who let you in here?' asked Mrs. Gruffanuff. + +'Div me dat bun,' said the little girl, 'me vely hungy.' + +'Hungry! what is that?' asked Princess Angelica, and gave the +child the bun. + +'Oh, Princess!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff, 'how good, how kind, how +truly angelical you are! See, Your Majesties,' she said to the +King and Queen, who now came up, along with their nephew, Prince +Giglio, 'how kind the Princess is! She met this little dirty +wretch in the garden--I can't tell how she came in here, or why +the guards did not shoot her dead at the gate!--and the dear +darling of a Princess has given her the whole of her bun!' + +'I didn't want it,' said Angelical + +'But you are a darling little angel all the same,' says the +governess. + +'Yes; I know I am,' said Angelical 'Dirty little girl, don't you +think I am very pretty?' Indeed, she had on the finest of little +dresses and hats; and, as her hair was carefully curled, she +really looked very well. + +'Oh, pooty, pooty!' says the little girl, capering about, +laughing, and dancing, and munching her bun; and as she ate it +she began to sing, 'Oh, what fun to have a plum bun! how I wis it +never was done!' At which, and her funny accent, Angelica, +Giglio, and the King and Queen began to laugh very merrily. + +'I can dance as well as sing,' says the little girl. 'I can +dance, and I can sing, and I can do all sorts of ting.' And she +ran to a flower-bed, and pulling a few polyanthuses, +rhododendrons, and other flowers, made herself a little wreath, +and danced before the King and Queen so drolly and prettily, that +everybody was delighted. + +'Who was your mother--who were your relations, little girl?' said +the Queen. + +The little girl said, 'Little lion was my brudder; great big +lioness my mudder; neber heard of any udder.' And she capered +away on her one shoe, and everybody was exceedingly diverted. + +So Angelica said to the Queen, 'Mamma, my parrot flew away +yesterday out of its cage, and I don't care any more for any of +my toys; and I think this funny little dirty child will amuse me. +I will take her home, and give her some of my old frocks.' + +'Oh, the generous darling!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff. + +'Which I have worn ever so many times, and am quite tired of,' +Angelica went on; 'and she shall be my little maid. Will you +come home with me, little dirty girl?' + +The child clapped her hands, and said, 'Go home with you--yes! +You pooty Princess!--Have a nice dinner, and wear a new dress!' + +And they all laughed again, and took home the child to the +palace, where, when she was washed and combed, and had one of the +Princess's frocks given to her, she looked as handsome as +Angelica, almost. Not that Angelica ever thought so; for this +little lady never imagined that anybody in the world could be as +pretty, as good, or as clever as herself. In order that the +little girl should not become too proud and conceited, Mrs. +Gruffanuff took her old ragged mantle and one shoe, and put them +into a glass box, with a card laid upon them, upon which was +written, 'These were the old clothes in which little BETSINDA was +found when the great goodness and admirable kindness of Her Royal +Highness the Princess Angelica received this little outcast.' +And the date was added, and the box locked up. + +For a while little Betsinda was a great favourite with the +Princess, and she danced, and sang, and made her little rhymes, +to amuse her mistress. But then the Princess got a monkey, and +afterwards a little dog, and afterwards a doll, and did not care +for Betsinda any more, who became very melancholy and quiet, and +sang no more funny songs, because nobody cared to hear her. And +then, as she grew older, she was made a little lady's-maid to the +Princess; and though she had no wages, she worked and mended, and +put Angelica's hair in papers, and was never cross when scolded, +and was always eager to please her mistress, and was always up +early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in fact +became a perfect little maid. So the two girls grew up, and, +when the Princess came out, Betsinda was never tired of waiting +on her; and made her dresses better than the best milliner, and +was useful in a hundred ways. Whilst the Princess was having her +masters, Betsinda would sit and watch them; and in this way she +picked up a great deal of learn ing; for she was always awake, +though her mistress was not, and listened to the wise professors +when Angelica was yawning or thinking of the next ball. And when +the dancing-master came, Betsinda learned along with Angelica; +and when the music-master came, she watched him, and practiced +the Princess's pieces when Angelica was away at balls and +parties; and when the drawing-master came, she took note of all +he said and did; and the same with French, Italian, and all other +languages--she learned them from the teacher who came to +Angelica. When the Princess was going out of an evening she +would say, 'My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I have +begun.' 'Yes, miss,' Betsinda would say, and sit down very +cheerful, not to FINISH what Angelica began, but to DO it. + +For instance, the Princess would begin a head of a warrior, let +us say, and when it was begun it was something like this-- + +But when it was done, the warrior was like this-- + +(only handsomer still if possible), and the Princess put her name +to the drawing; and the Court and King and Queen, and above all +poor Giglio, admired the picture of all things, and said, 'Was +there ever a genius like Angelica?' So, I am sorry to say, was +it with the Princess's embroidery and other accomplishments; and +Angelica actually believed that she did these things herself, and +received all the flattery of the Court as if every word of it was +true. Thus she began to think that there was no young woman in +all the world equal to herself, and that no young man was good +enough for her. As for Betsinda, as she heard none of these +praises, she was not puffed up by them, and being a most +grateful, good-natured girl, she was only too anxious to do +everything which might give her mistress pleasure. Now you begin +to perceive that Angelica had faults of her own, and was by no +means such a wonder of wonders as people represented Her Royal +Highness to be. + + + +VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF + +And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the nephew of the +reigning monarch of Paflagonia. It has already been stated, in +page seven, that as long as he had a smart coat to wear, a good +horse to ride, and money in his pocket, or rather to take out of +his pocket, for he was very good-natured, my young Prince did not +care for the loss of his crown and sceptre, being a thoughtless +youth, not much inclined to politics or any kind of learning. So +his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would not learn classics or +mathematics, and the Lord Chancellor of Paflagonia, SQUARETOSO, +pulled a very long face because the Prince could not be got to +study the Paflagonian laws and constitution; but, on the other +hand, the King's gamekeepers and huntsmen found the Prince an apt +pupil; the dancing-master pronounced that he was a most elegant +and assiduous scholar; the First Lord of the Billiard Table gave +the most flattering reports of the Prince's skill; so did the +Groom of the Tennis Court; and as for the Captain of the Guard +and Fencing Master, the VALIANT and VETERAN Count KUTASOFF +HEDZOFF, he avowed that since he ran the General of Crim Tartary, +the dreadful Grumbuskin, through the body, he never had +encountered so expert a swordsman as Prince Giglio. + +I hope you do not imagine that there was any impropriety in the +Prince and Princess walking together in the palace garden, and +because Giglio kissed Angelica's hand in a polite manner. In the +first place they are cousins; next, the Queen is walking in the +garden too (you cannot see her, for she happens to be behind that +tree), and Her Majesty always wished that Angelica and Giglio +should marry: so did Giglio: so did Angelica sometimes, for she +thought her cousin very handsome, brave, and good-natured: but +then you know she was so clever and knew so many things, and poor +Giglio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When they looked +at the stars, what did Giglio know of the heavenly bodies? Once, +when on a sweet night in a balcony where they were standing, +Angelica said, 'There is the Bear.' 'Where?' says Giglio. +'Don't be afraid, Angelica! if a dozen bears come, I will kill +them rather than they shall hurt you.' 'Oh, you silly creature!' +says she; 'you are very good, but you are not very wise.' When +they looked at the flowers, Giglio was utterly unacquainted with +botany, and had never heard of Linnaeus. When the butterflies +passed, Giglio knew nothing about them, being as ignorant of +entomology as I am of algebra. So you see, Angelica, though she +liked Giglio pretty well, despised him on account of his +ignorance. I think she probably valued HER OWN LEARNING rather +too much; but to think too well of one's self is the fault of +people of all ages and both sexes. Finally, when nobody else was +there, Angelica liked her cousin well enough. + +King Valoroso was very delicate in health, and withal so fond of +good dinners (which were prepared for him by his French cook +Marmitonio), that it was supposed he could not live long. Now +the idea of anything happening to the King struck the artful +Prime Minister and the designing old lady-in-waiting with terror. +For, thought Glumboso and the Countess, 'when Prince Giglio +marries his cousin and comes to the throne, what a pretty +position we shall be in, whom he dislikes, and who have always +been unkind to him. We shall lose our places in a trice; Mrs. +Gruffanuff will have to give up all the jewels, laces, +snuff-boxes, rings, and watches which belonged to the Queen, +Giglio's mother; and Glumboso will be forced to refund two +hundred and seventeen thousand millions nine hundred and +eighty-seven thousand four hundred and thirty-nine pounds, +thirteen shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, money left to Prince +Giglio by his poor dear father.' + +So the Lady of Honour and the Prime Minister hated Giglio because +they had done him a wrong; and these unprincipled people invented +a hundred cruel stories about poor Giglio, in order to influence +the King, Queen, and Princess against him; how he was so ignorant +that he could not spell the commonest words, and actually wrote +Valoroso Valloroso, and spelt Angelica with two l's; how he drank +a great deal too much wine at dinner, and was always idling in +the stables with the grooms; how he owed ever so much money at +the pastry-cook's and the haberdasher's; how he used to go to +sleep at church; how he was fond of playing cards with the pages. +So did the Queen like playing cards; so did the King go to sleep +at church, and eat and drink too much; and, if Giglio owed a +trifle for tarts, who owed him two hundred and seventeen thousand +millions nine hundred and eighty-seven thousand four hundred and +thirty-nine pounds, thirteen shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, I +should like to know? Detractors and tale-bearers (in my humble +opinion) had much better look at HOME. All this backbiting and +slandering had effect upon Princess Angelica, who began to look +coldly on her cousin, then to laugh at him and scorn him for +being so stupid, then to sneer at him for having vulgar +associates; and at Court balls, dinners, and so forth, to treat +him so unkindly that poor Giglio became quite ill, took to his +bed, and sent for the doctor. + +His Majesty King Valoroso, as we have seen, had his own reasons +for disliking his nephew; and as for those innocent readers who +ask why?--I beg (with the permission of their dear parents) to +refer them to Shakespeare's pages, where they will read why King +John disliked Prince Arthur. With the Queen, his royal but +weak-minded aunt, when Giglio was out of sight he was out of +mind. While she had her whist and her evening parties, she cared +for little else. + +I dare say TWO VILLAINS, who shall be nameless, wished Doctor +Pildrafto, the Court Physician, had killed Giglio right out, but +he only bled and physicked him so severely that the Prince was +kept to his room for several months, and grew as thin as a post. + +Whilst he was lying sick in this way, there came to the Court of +Paflagonia a famous painter, whose name was Tomaso Lorenzo, and +who was Painter in Ordinary to the King of Crim Tartary, +Paflagonia's neighbour. Tomaso Lorenzo painted all the Court, +who were delighted with his works; for even Countess Gruffanuff +looked young and Glumboso good-humoured in his pictures. 'He +flatters very much,' some people said. 'Nay!' says Princess +Angelica, 'I am above flattery, and I think he did not make my +picture handsome enough. I can't bear to hear a man of genius +unjustly cried down, and I hope my dear papa will make Lorenzo a +knight of his Order of the Cucumber.' + +The Princess Angelica, although the courtiers vowed Her Royal +Highness could draw so BEAUTIFULLY that the idea of her taking +lessons was absurd, yet chose to have Lorenzo for a teacher, and +it was wonderful, AS LONG AS SHE PAINTED IN HIS STUDIO, what +beautiful pictures she made! Some of the performances were +engraved for the Book of Beauty: others were sold for enormous +sums at Charity Bazaars. She wrote the SIGNATURES under the +drawings, no doubt, but I think I know who-did the pictures--this +artful painter, who had come with other designs on Angelica than +merely to teach her to draw. + +One day, Lorenzo showed the Princess a portrait of a young man in +armour, with fair hair and the loveliest blue eyes, and an +expression at once melancholy and interesting. + +'Dear Signor Lorenzo, who is this?' asked the Princess. + +"I never saw anyone so handsome,' says Countess Gruffanuff (the +old humbug). + +'That,' said the painter, 'that, Madam, is the portrait of my +august young master, his Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of +Crim Tartary, Duke of Acroceraunia, Marquis of Poluphloisboio, +and Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Pumpkin. That is the +order of the Pumpkin glittering on his manly breast, and received +by His Royal Highness from his august father, His Majesty King +PADELLA I., for his gallantry at the battle of Rimbombamento, +when he slew with his own princely hand the King of Ograria and +two hundred and eleven giants of the two hundred and eighteen who +formed the King's bodyguard. The remainder were destroyed by the +brave Crim Tartar army after an obstinate combat, in which the +Crim Tartars suffered severely.' + +What a Prince! thought Angelica: so brave--so calm-looking--so +young--what a hero! + +'He is as accomplished as he is brave,' continued the Court +Painter. 'He knows all languages perfectly: sings deliciously: +plays every instrument: composes operas which have been acted a +thousand nights running at the Imperial Theatre of Crim Tartary, +and danced in a ballet there before the King and Queen; in which +he looked so beautiful, that his cousin, the lovely daughter of +the King of Circassia, died for love of him.' + +'Why did he not marry the poor Princess?' asked Angelica, with a +sigh. + +'Because they were FIRST COUSINS, Madam, and the clergy forbid +these unions,' said the Painter. 'And, besides, the young Prince +had given his royal heart ELSEWHERE.' + +'And to whom?' asked Her Royal Highness. + +'I am not at liberty to mention the Princess's name,' answered +the Painter. + +'But you may tell me the first letter of it,' gasped out the +Princess. + +'That Your Royal Highness is at liberty to guess,' said Lorenzo. + +'Does it begin with a Z?' asked Angelica. + +The Painter said it wasn't a Z; then she tried a Y; then an X; +then a W, and went so backwards through almost the whole +alphabet. + +When she came to D, and it wasn't D, she grew very excited; when +she came to C, and it wasn't C, she was still more nervous; when +she came to B, AND IT WASN'T B, 'O dearest Gruffanuff,' she said, +'lend me your smelling-bottle!' and, hiding her head in the +Countess's shoulder, she faintly whispered, 'Ah, Signor, can it +be A?' + +'It was A; and though I may not, by my Royal Master's orders, +tell Your Royal Highness the Princess's name, whom he fondly, +madly, devotedly, rapturously loves, I may show you her +portrait,' says this slyboots: and leading the Princess up to a +gilt frame, he drew a curtain which was before it. + +O goodness! the frame contained A LOOKING-GLASS! and Angelica saw +her own face! + + + +VII. HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL + +The Court Painter of His Majesty the King of Crim Tartary +returned to that monarch's dominions, carrying away a number of +sketches which he had made in the Paflagonian capital (you know, +of course, my dears, that the name of that capital is +Blombodinga); but the most charming of all his pieces was a +portrait of the Princess Angelica, which all the Crim Tartar +nobles came to see. With this work the King was so delighted, +that he decorated the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin +(sixth class) and the artist became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K.P., +thenceforth. + +King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the Cucumber, +besides a handsome order for money, for he painted the King, +Queen, and principal nobility while at Blombodinga, and became +all the fashion, to the perfect rage of all the artists in +Paflagonia, where the King used to point to the portrait of +Prince Bulbo, which Sir Tomaso had left behind him, and say +'Which among you can paint a picture like that?' + +It hung in the royal parlour over the royal sideboard, and +Princess Angelica could always look at it as she sat making the +tea. Each day it seemed to grow handsomer and handsomer, and the +Princess grew so fond of looking at it, that she would often +spill the tea over the cloth, at which her father and mother +would wink and wag their heads, and say to each other, 'Aha! we +see how things are going.' + +In the meantime poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick in his +chamber, though he took all the doctor's horrible medicines like +a good young lad; as I hope YOU do, my dears, when you are ill +and mamma sends for the medical man. And the only person who +visited Giglio (besides his friend the captain of the guard, who +was almost always busy or on parade), was little Betsinda the +housemaid, who used to do his bedroom and sitting-room out, bring +him his gruel, and warm his bed. + +When the little housemaid came to him in the morning and evening, +Prince Giglio used to say, 'Betsinda, Betsinda, how is the +Princess Angelica?' + +And Betsinda used to answer, 'The Princess is very well, thank +you, my Lord.' And Giglio would heave a sigh, and think, if +Angelica were sick, I am sure _I_ should not be very well. + +Then Giglio would say, 'Betsinda, has the Princess Angelica asked +for me today?' And Betsinda would answer, 'No, my Lord, not +today'; or, 'she was very busy practicing the piano when I saw +her'; or, 'she was writing invitations for an evening party, and +did not speak to me'; or make some excuse or other, not strictly +consonant with truth: for Betsinda was such a good-natured +creature that she strove to do everything to prevent annoyance to +Prince Giglio, and even brought him up roast chicken and jellies +from the kitchen (when the Doctor allowed them, and Giglio was +getting better), saying, 'that the Princess had made the jelly, +or the bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for Giglio.' + +When Giglio heard this he took heart and began to mend +immediately; and gobbled up all the jelly, and picked the last +bone of the chicken--drumsticks, merry-thought, sides'-bones, +back, pope's nose, and all--thanking his dear Angelica; and he +felt so much better the next day, that he dressed and went +downstairs, where, whom should he meet but Angelica going into +the drawing-room? All the covers were off the chairs, the +chandeliers taken out of the bags, the damask curtains uncovered, +the work and things carried away, and the handsomest albums on +the tables. Angelica had her hair in papers: in a word, it was +evident there was going to be a party. + +'Heavens, Giglio!' cries Angelica: 'YOU here in such a dress! +What a figure you are!' + +'Yes, dear Angelica, I am come downstairs, and feel so well +today, thanks to the FOWL and the JELLY.' + +'What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you allude to them +in that rude way?' says Angelica. + +'Why, didn't--didn't you send them, Angelica dear?' says Giglio. + +'I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio dear,' says she, +mocking him, '_I_ was engaged in getting the rooms ready for His +Royal Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay +my papa's Court a visit.' + +'The--Prince--of--Crim--Tartary! ' Giglio said, aghast. + +'Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary,' says Angelica, mocking him. +'I dare say you never heard of such a country. What DID you ever +hear of? You don't know whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea +or on the Black Sea, I dare say.' + +'Yes, I do, it's on the Red Sea,' says Giglio, at which the +Princess burst out laughing at him, and said, 'Oh, you ninny! You +are so ignorant, you are really not fit for society! You know +nothing but about horses and dogs, and are only fit to dine in a +mess-room with my Royal father's heaviest dragoons. Don't look +so surprised at me, sir: go and put your best clothes on to +receive the Prince, and let me get the drawing-room ready.' + +Giglio said, 'Oh, Angelica, Angelica, I didn't think this of you. +THIS wasn't your language to me when you gave me this ring, and I +gave you mine in the garden, and you gave me that k--' + +But what k was we never shall know, for Angelica, in a rage, +cried, 'Get out, you saucy, rude creature! How dare you to +remind me of your rudeness? As for your little trumpery twopenny +ring, there, sir, there!' And she flung it out of the window. + +'It was my mother's marriage-ring,' cried Giglio. + +'_I_ don't care whose marriage-ring it was,' cries Angelica. +'Marry the person who picks it up if she's a woman; you shan't +marry ME. And give me back MY ring. I've no patience with +people who boast about the things they give away! _I_ know who'll +give me much finer things than you ever gave me. A beggarly ring +indeed, not worth five shillings!' + +Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio had given her +was a fairy ring: if a man wore it, it made all the women in +love with him; if a woman, all the gentlemen. The Queen, +Giglio's mother, quite an ordinary-looking person, was admired +immensely whilst she wore this ring, and her husband was frantic +when she was ill. But when she called her little Giglio to her, +and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did not seem to care +for his wife so much any more, but transferred all his love to +little Giglio. So did everybody love him as long as he had the +ring; but when, as quite a child, he gave it to Angelica, people +began to love and admire HER; and Giglio, as the saying is, +played only second fiddle. + +'Yes,' says Angelica, going on in her foolish ungrateful way. +'_I_ know who'll give me much finer things than your beggarly +little pearl nonsense.' + +'Very good, miss! You may take back your ring too!' says Giglio, +his eyes flashing fire at her, and then, as his eyes had been +suddenly opened, he cried out, 'Ha! what does this mean? Is THIS +the woman I have been in love with all my life? Have I been such +a ninny as to throw away my regard upon you? Why-- actually-- +yes--you are a little crooked!' + +'Oh, you wretch!' cries Angelica. + +'And, upon my conscience, you--you squint a little.' + +'Eh!' cries Angelica. + +'And your hair is red--and you are marked with the smallpox--and +what? you have three false teeth--and one leg shorter than the +other!' + +'You brute, you brute, you!' Angelica screamed out: and as she +seized the ring with one hand, she dealt Giglio one, two, three +smacks on the face, and would have pulled the hair off his head +had he not started laughing, and crying-- + +'Oh dear me, Angelica, don't pull out MY hair, it hurts! You +might remove a great deal of YOUR OWN, as I perceive, without +scissors or pulling at all. Oh, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! ho he he!' + +And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she with rage; +when, with a low bow, and dressed in his Court habit, Count +Gambabella, the first lord-in-waiting, entered and said, 'Royal +Highnesses! Their Majesties expect you in the Pink Throne-room, +where they await the arrival of the Prince of CRIM TARTARY.' + + + +VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO +CAME TO COURT + +Prince Bulbo's arrival had set all the court in a flutter: +everybody was ordered to put his or her best clothes on: the +footmen had their gala liveries; the Lord Chancellor his new wig; +the Guards their last new tunics; and Countess Gruffanuff, you +may be sure, was glad of an opportunity of decorating HER old +person with her finest things. She was walking through the court +of the Palace on her way to wait upon Their Majesties, when she +espied something glittering on the pavement, and bade the boy in +buttons who was holding up her train, to go and pick up the +article shining yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in some of +the late groom-porter's old clothes cut down, and much too tight +for him; and yet, when he had taken up the ring (as it turned out +to be), and was carrying it to his mistress, she thought he +looked like a little cupid. He gave the ring to her; it was a +trumpery little thing enough, but too small for any of her old +knuckles, so she put it into her pocket. + +'Oh, mum!' says the boy, looking at her 'how--how beyoutiful you +do look, mum, today, mum!' + +'And you, too, Jacky,' she was going to say; but, looking down at +him--no, he was no longer good-looking at all--but only the +carroty-haired little Jacky of the morning. However, praise is +welcome from the ugliest of men or boys, and Gruffanuff, bidding +the boy hold up her train, walked on in high good-humour. The +guards saluted her with peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in +the anteroom, said, 'My dear madam, you look like an angel +today.' And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff went in and took +her place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, who were in the +throne-room, awaiting the Prince of Crim Tartary. Princess +Angelica sat at their feet, and behind the King's chair stood +Prince Giglio, looking very savage. + +The Prince of Crim Tartary made his appearance, attended by Baron +Sleibootz, his chamberlain, and followed by a black page carrying +the most beautiful crown you ever saw! He was dressed in his +travelling costume, and his hair, as you see, was a little in +disorder. 'I have ridden three hundred miles since breakfast,' +said he, 'so eager was I to behold the Prin--the Court and august +family of Paflagonia, and I could not wait one minute before +appearing in Your Majesties' presences.' + +Giglio, from behind the throne, burst out into a roar of +contemptuous laughter; but all the Royal party, in fact, were so +flurried, that they did not hear this little outbreak. 'Your R. +H. is welcome in any dress,' says the King. 'Glumboso, a chair +for His Royal Highness.' + +'Any dress His Royal Highness wears IS a Court dress,' says +Princess Angelica, smiling graciously. + +'Ah! but you should see my other clothes,' said the Prince. 'I +should have had them on, but that stupid carrier has not brought +them. Who's that laughing?' + +It was Giglio laughing. 'I was laughing,' he said, 'because you +said just now that you were in such a hurry to see the Princess, +that you could not wait to change your dress; and now you say you +come in those clothes because you have no others.' + +'And who are you?' says Prince Bulbo, very fiercely. + +'My father was King of this country, and I am his only son, +Prince!' replies Giglio, with equal haughtiness. + +'Ha!' said the King and Glumboso, looking very flurried; but the +former, collecting himself, said, 'Dear Prince Bulbo, I forgot to +introduce to Your Royal Highness my dear nephew, His Royal +Highness Prince Giglio! Know each other! Embrace each other! +Giglio, give His Royal Highness your hand!' and Giglio, giving +his hand, squeezed poor Bulbo's until the tears ran out of his +eyes. Glumboso now brought a chair for the Royal visitor, and +placed it on the platform on which the King, Queen, and Prince +were seated; but the chair was on the edge of the platform, and +as Bulbo sat down, it toppled over, and he with it, rolling over +and over, and bellowing like a bull. Giglio roared still louder +at this disaster, but it was with laughter; so did all the Court +when Prince Bulbo got up; for though when he entered the room he +appeared not very ridiculous, as he stood up from his fall for a +moment he looked so exceedingly plain and foolish, that nobody +could help laughing at him. When he had entered the room, he was +observed to carry a rose in his hand, which fell out of it as he +tumbled. + +'My rose! my rose!' cried Bulbo; and his chamberlain dashed +forwards and picked it up, and gave it to the Prince, who put it +in his waistcoat. Then people wondered why they had laughed; +there was nothing particularly ridiculous in him. He was rather +short, rather stout, rather red-haired, but, in fine, for a +Prince, not so bad. + +So they sat and talked, the Royal personages together, the Crim +Tartar officers with those of Paflagonia--Giglio very comfortable +with Gruffanuff behind the throne. He looked at her with such +tender eyes, that her heart was all in a flutter. 'Oh, dear +Prince,' she said, 'how could you speak so haughtily in presence +of Their Majesties? I protest I thought I should have fainted.' + +'I should have caught you in my arms,' said Giglio, looking +raptures. + +'Why were you so cruel to Prince Bulbo, dear Prince?' says Gruff. + + +'Because I hate him,' says Gil. + +'You are jealous of him, and still love poor Angelica,' cries +Gruffanuff, putting her handkerchief to her eyes. + +'I did, but I love her no more!' Giglio cried. 'I despise her! +Were she heiress to twenty thousand thrones, I would despise her +and scorn her. But why speak of thrones? I have lost mine. I +am too weak to recover it--I am alone, and have no friend.' + +'Oh, say not so, dear Prince!' says Gruffanuff. + +'Besides,' says he, 'I am so happy here BEHIND THE THRONE that I +would not change my place, no, not for the throne of the world!' + +'What are you two people chattering about there?' says the Queen, +who was rather good-natured, though not overburthened with +wisdom. 'It is time to dress for dinner. Giglio, show Prince +Bulbo to his room. Prince, if your clothes have not come, we +shall be very happy to see you as you are.' But when Prince +Bulbo got to his bedroom, his luggage was there and unpacked; and +the hairdresser coming in, cut and curled him entirely to his own +satisfaction; and when the dinner-bell rang, the Royal company +had not to wait above five-and-twenty minutes until Bulbo +appeared, during which time the King, who could not bear to wait, +grew as sulky as possible. As for Giglio, he never left Madam +Gruffanuff all this time, but stood with her in the embrasure of +a window, paying her compliments. At length the Groom of the +Chambers announced His Royal Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary! +and the noble company went into the royal dining-room. It was +quite a small party; only the King and Queen, the Princess, whom +Bulbo took out, the two Princes, Countess Gruffanuff, Glumboso +the Prime Minister, and Prince Bulbo's chamberlain. You may be +sure they had a very good dinner--let every boy or girl think of +what he or she likes best, and fancy it on the table.* + +*Here a very pretty game may be played by all the children saying +what they like best for dinner. + +The Princess talked incessantly all dinner-time to the Prince of +Crimea, who ate an immense deal too much, and never took his eyes +off his plate, except when Giglio, who was carving a goose, sent +a quantity of stuffing and onion sauce into one of them. Giglio +only burst out a-laughing as the Crimean Prince wiped his +shirt-front and face with his scented pocket-handkerchief. He +did not make Prince Bulbo any apology. When the Prince looked at +him, Giglio would not look that way. When Prince Bulbo said, +'Prince Giglio, may I have the honour of taking a glass of wine +with you?' Giglio WOULDN'T answer. All his talk and his eyes +were for Countess Gruffanuff, who you may be sure was pleased +with Giglio's attentions--the vain old creature! When he was not +complimenting her, he was making fun of Prince Bulbo, so loud +that Gruffanuff was always tapping him with her fan, and +saying--'Oh, you satirical Prince! Oh, fie, the Prince will +hear!' 'Well, I don't mind,' says Giglio, louder still. The +King and Queen luckily did not hear; for Her Majesty was a little +deaf, and the King thought so much about his own dinner, and, +besides, made such a dreadful noise, hobgobbling in eating it, +that he heard nothing else. After dinner, His Majesty and the +Queen went to sleep in their arm-chairs. + +This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with Prince Bulbo, +plying that young gentleman with port, sherry, madeira, +champagne, marsala, cherry-brandy, and pale ale, of all of which +Master Bulbo drank without stint. But in plying his guest, +Giglio was obliged to drink himself, and, I am sorry to say, took +more than was good for him, so that the young men were very +noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies after +dinner; and dearly did they pay for that imprudence, as now, my +darlings, you shall hear! + +Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica was playing and +singing, and he sang out of tune, and he upset the coffee when +the footman brought it, and he laughed out of place, and talked +absurdly, and fell asleep and snored horridly. Booh, the nasty +pig! But as he lay there stretched on the pink satin sofa, +Angelica still persisted in thinking him the most beautiful of +human beings. No doubt the magic rose which Bulbo wore caused +this infatuation on Angelica's part; but is she the first young +woman who has thought a silly fellow charming? + +Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face he, too, +every moment began to find more lovely. He paid the most +outrageous compliments to her:--There never was such a +darling--Older than he was?--Fiddle-de-dee! He would marry +her--he would have nothing but her! + +To marry the heir to the throne! Here was a chance! The artful +hussy actually got a sheet of paper, and wrote upon it, 'This is +to give notice that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of +Paflagonia, hereby promise to marry the charming and virtuous +Barbara Griselda, Countess Gruffanuff, and widow of the late +Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq.' + +'What is it you are writing, you charming Gruffy?' says Giglio, +who was lolling on the sofa, by the writing-table. + +'Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giving coals and +blankets to the poor, this cold weather. Look! the King and +Queen are both asleep, and your Royal Highness's order will do.' + +So Giglio, who was very good-natured, as Gruffy well knew, signed +the order immediately; and, when she had it in her pocket, you +may fancy what airs she gave herself. She was ready to flounce +out of the room before the Queen herself, as now she was the wife +of the RIGHTFUL King of Paflagonia! She would not speak to +Glumboso, whom she thought a brute, for depriving her DEAR +HUSBAND of the crown! And when candles came, and she had helped +to undress the Queen and Princess, she went into her own room, +and actually practiced on a sheet of paper, 'Griselda +Paflagonia,' 'Barbara Regina,' 'Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.,' and +I don't know what signatures besides, against the day when she +should be Queen, forsooth! + + + +IX. HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING PAN + +Little Betsinda came in to put Gruffanuff's hair in papers; and +the Countess was so pleased, that, for a wonder, she complimented +Betsinda. 'Betsinda!' she said, 'you dressed my hair very nicely +today; I promised you a little present. Here are five sh--no, +here is a pretty little ring, that I picked-- that I have had +some time.' And she gave Betsinda the ring she had picked up in +the court. It fitted Betsinda exactly. + +'It's like the ring the Princess used to wear,' says the maid. + +'No such thing,' says Gruffanuff, 'I have had it this ever so +long. There, tuck me up quite comfortable; and now, as it's a +very cold night (the snow was beating in at the window), you may +go and warm dear Prince Giglio's bed, like a good girl, and then +you may unrip my green silk, and then you can just do me up a +little cap for the morning, and then you can mend that hole in my +silk stocking, and then you can go to bed, Betsinda. Mind I +shall want my cup of tea at five o'clock in the morning.' + +'I suppose I had best warm both the young gentlemen's beds, +Ma'am,' says Betsinda. + +Gruffanuff, for reply, said, 'Hau-au-ho!--Grauhawhoo!--Hong- +hrho!' In fact, she was snoring sound asleep. + +Her room, you know, is next to the King and Queen, and the +Princess is next to them. So pretty Betsinda went away for the +coals to the kitchen, and filled the royal warming-pan. + +Now, she was a very kind, merry, civil, pretty girl; but there +must have been something very captivating about her this evening, +for all the women in the servants' hall began to scold and abuse +her. The housekeeper said she was a pert, stuck-up thing: the +upper-housemaid asked, how dare she wear such ringlets and +ribbons, it was quite improper! The cook (for there was a +woman-cook as well as a man-cook) said to the kitchen-maid that +she never could see anything in that creetur: but as for the +men, every one of them, Coachman, John, Buttons, the page, and +Monsieur, the Prince of Crim Tartary's valet, started up, and +said-- + +'My eyes!' } +'O mussey!' } 'What a pretty girl Betsinda is!' +'O jemmany!' } +'O ciel!' } + +'Hands off; none of your impertinence, you vulgar, low people!' +says Betsinda, walking off with her pan of coals. She heard the +young gentlemen playing at billiards as she went upstairs: first +to Prince Giglio's bed, which she warmed, and then to Prince +Bulbo's room. + +He came in just as she had done; and as soon as he saw her, 'O! +O! O! O! O! O! what a beyou--oo--ootiful creature you are! You +angel--you peri--you rosebud, let me be thy bulbul--thy Bulbo, +too! Fly to the desert, fly with me! I never saw a young +gazelle to glad me with its dark blue eye that had eyes like +shine. Thou nymph of beauty, take, take this young heart. A +truer never did itself sustain within a soldier's waistcoat. Be +mine! Be mine! Be Princess of Crim Tartary! My Royal father +will approve our union; and, as for that little carroty-haired +Angelica, I do not care a fig for her any more.' + +'Go away, Your Royal Highness, and go to bed, please,' said +Betsinda, with the warming-pan. + +But Bulbo said, 'No, never, till thou swearest to be mine, thou +lovely, blushing chambermaid divine! Here, at thy feet, the +Royal Bulbo lies, the trembling captive of Betsinda's eyes.' + +And he went on, making himself SO ABSURD AND RIDICULOUS, that +Betsinda, who was full of fun, gave him a touch with the +warming-pan, which, I promise you, made him cry 'O-o-o-o!' in a +very different manner. + +Prince Bulbo made such a noise that Prince Giglio, who heard him +from the next room, came in to see what was the matter. As soon +as he saw what was taking place, Giglio, in a fury, rushed on +Bulbo, kicked him in the rudest manner up to the ceiling, and +went on kicking him till his hair was quite out of curl. + +Poor Betsinda did not know whether to laugh or to cry; the +kicking certainly must hurt the Prince, but then he looked so +droll! When Giglio had done knocking him up and down to the +ground, and whilst he went into a corner rubbing himself, what do +you think Giglio does? He goes down on his own knees to +Betsinda, takes her hand, begs her to accept his heart, and +offers to marry her that moment. Fancy Betsinda's condition, who +had been in love with the Prince ever since she first saw him in +the palace garden, when she was quite a little child. + +'Oh, divine Betsinda!' says the Prince, 'how have I lived fifteen +years in thy company without seeing thy perfections? What woman +in all Europe, Asia, Africa, and America, nay, in Australia, only +it is not yet discovered, can presume to be thy equal? Angelica? +Pish! Gruffanuff? Phoo! The Queen? Ha, ha! Thou art my +Queen. Thou art the real Angelica, because thou art really +angelic.' + +'Oh, Prince! I am but a poor chambermaid,' says Betsinda, +looking, however, very much pleased. + +'Didst thou not tend me in my sickness, when all forsook me?' +continues Giglio. 'Did not thy gentle hand smooth my pillow, and +bring me jelly and roast chicken?' + +'Yes, dear Prince, I did,' says Betsinda, 'and I sewed Your Royal +Highness's shirt-buttons on too, if you please, Your Royal +Highness,' cries this artless maiden. + +When poor Prince Bulbo, who was now madly in love with Betsinda, +heard this declaration, when he saw the unmistakable glances +which she flung upon Giglio, Bulbo began to cry bitterly, and +tore quantities of hair out of his head, till it all covered the +room like so much tow. + +Betsinda had left the warming-pan on the floor while the princes +were going on with their conversation, and as they began now to +quarrel and be very fierce with one another, she thought proper +to run away. + +'You great big blubbering booby, tearing your hair in the corner +there; of course you will give me satisfaction for insulting +Betsinda. YOU dare to kneel down at Princess Giglio's knees and +kiss her hand!' + +'She's not Princess Giglio!' roars out Bulbo. 'She shall be +Princess Bulbo, no other shall be Princess Bulbo.' + +'You are engaged to my cousin!' bellows out Giglio. 'I hate your +cousin,' says Bulbo. + +'You shall give me satisfaction for insulting her!' cries Giglio +in a fury. + +'I'll have your life.' + +'I'll run you through.' + +'I'll cut your throat.' + +'I'll blow your brains out.' + +'I'll knock your head off.' + +'I'll send a friend to you in the morning.' + +'I'll send a bullet into you in the afternoon.' + +'We'll meet again,' says Giglio, shaking his fist in Bulbo's +face; and seizing up the warming-pan, he kissed it, because, +forsooth, Betsinda had carried it, and rushed downstairs. What +should he see on the landing but His Majesty talking to Betsinda, +whom he called by all sorts of fond names. His Majesty had heard +a row in the building, so he stated, and smelling something +burning, had come out to see what the matter was. + +'It's the young gentlemen smoking, perhaps, sir,' says Betsinda. + +'Charming chambermaid,' says the King (like all the rest of +them), 'never mind the young men! Turn thy eyes on a middle-aged +autocrat, who has been considered not ill-looking in his time.' + +'Oh, sir! what will Her Majesty say?' cries Betsinda. + +'Her Majesty!' laughs the monarch. 'Her Majesty be hanged. Am I +not Autocrat of Paflagonia? Have I not blocks, ropes, axes, +hangmen--ha? Runs not a river by my palace wall? Have I not +sacks to sew up wives withal? Say but the word, that thou wilt +be mine own,--your mistress straightway in a sack is sewn, and +thou the sharer of my heart and throne.' + +When Giglio heard these atrocious sentiments, he forgot the +respect usually paid to Royalty, lifted up the warming-pan, and +knocked down the King as flat as a pancake; after which, Master +Giglio took to his heels and ran away, and Betsinda went off +screaming, and the Queen, Gruffanuff, and the Princess, all came +out of their rooms. Fancy their feelings on beholding their +husband, father, sovereign, in this posture! + + + +X. HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION + +As soon as the coals began to burn him, the King came to himself +and stood up. 'Ho! my captain of the guards!' His Majesty +exclaimed, stamping his royal feet with rage. O piteous +spectacle! the King's nose was bent quite crooked by the blow of +Prince Giglio! His Majesty ground his teeth with rage. +'Hedzoff,' he said, taking a death-warrant out of his +dressing-gown pocket, 'Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize upon the +Prince. Thou'lt find him in his chamber two pair up. But now he +dared, with sacrilegious hand, to strike the sacred night-cap of +a king--Hedzoff, and floor me with a warming-pan! Away, no more +demur, the villain dies! See it be done, or else,--h'm-- +ha!--h'm! mind shine own eyes!' and followed by the ladies, and +lifting up the tails of his dressing-gown, the King entered his +own apartment. + +Captain Hedzoff was very much affected, having a sincere love for +Giglio. 'Poor, poor Giglio!' he said, the tears rolling over his +manly face, and dripping down his moustachios; 'my noble young +Prince, is it my hand must lead thee to death?' + +'Lead him to fiddlestick, Hedzoff,' said a female voice. It was +Gruffanuff, who had come out in her dressing-gown when she heard +the noise. 'The King said you were to hang the Prince. Well, +hang the Prince.' + +'I don't understand you,' says Hedzoff, who was not a very clever +man. + +'You Gaby! he didn't say WHICH Prince,' says Gruffanuff. + +'No; he didn't say which, certainly,' said Hedzoff. + +'Well then, take Bulbo, and hang HIM!' + +When Captain Hedzoff heard this, he began to dance about for joy. +'Obedience is a soldier's honour,' says he. 'Prince Bulbo's head +will do capitally,' and he went to arrest the Prince the very +first thing next morning. + +He knocked at the door. 'Who's there?' says Bulbo. 'Captain +Hedzoff? Step in, pray, my good Captain; I'm delighted to see +you; I have been expecting you.' + +'Have you?' says Hedzoff. + +'Sleibootz, my Chamberlain, will act for me,' says the Prince. + +'I beg Your Royal Highness's pardon, but you will have to act for +yourself, and it's a pity to wake Baron Sleibootz.' + +The Prince Bulbo still seemed to take the matter very coolly. +'Of course, Captain,' says he, 'you are come about that affair +with Prince Giglio?' + +'Precisely,' says Hedzoff, 'that affair of Prince Giglio.' + +'Is it to be pistols, or swords, Captain?' asks Bulbo. 'I'm a +pretty good hand with both, and I'll do for Prince Giglio as sure +as my name is My Royal Highness Prince Bulbo.' + +'There's some mistake, my Lord,' says the Captain. 'The business +is done with AXES among us.' + +'Axes? That's sharp work,' says Bulbo. 'Call my Chamberlain, +he'll be my second, and in ten minutes, I flatter myself, you'll +see Master Giglio's head off his impertinent shoulders. I'm +hungry for his blood Hoooo, aw!' and he looked as savage as an +ogre. + +'I beg your pardon, sir, but by this warrant I am to take you +prisoner, and hand you over to--to the executioner.' + +'Pooh, pooh, my good man!--Stop, I say,--ho!-- hulloa!' was all +that this luckless Prince was enabled to say, for Hedzoff's +guards seizing him, tied a handkerchief over his mouth and face, +and carried him to the place of execution. + +The King, who happened to be talking to Glumboso, saw him pass, +and took a pinch of snuff and said, 'So much for Giglio. Now +let's go to breakfast.' + +The Captain of the Guard handed over his prisoner to the Sheriff, +with the fatal order, + +'AT SIGHT CUT OFF THE BEARER'S HEAD. + 'VALOROSO XXIV.' + +'It's a mistake,' says Bulbo, who did not seem to understand the +business in the least. + +'Poo--poo--pooh,' says the Sheriff. 'Fetch Jack Ketch instantly. +Jack Ketch!' + +And poor Bulbo was led to the scaffold, where an executioner with +a block and a tremendous axe was always ready in case he should +be wanted. + +But we must now revert to Giglio and Betsinda. + + + +XI. WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA + +Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with the King, and +knew that Giglio must come to grief, got up very early the next +morning, and went to devise some plans for rescuing her darling +husband, as the silly old thing insisted on calling him. She +found him walking up and down the garden, thinking of a rhyme for +Betsinda (TINDER and WINDA were all he could find), and indeed +having forgotten all about the past evening, except that Betsinda +was the most lovely of beings. + +'Well, dear Giglio,' says Gruff. + +'Well, dear Gruffy,' says Giglio, only HE was quite satirical. + +'I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in this scrape. +You must fly the country for a while.' + +'What scrape?--fly the country? Never without her I love, +Countess,' says Giglio. + +'No, she will accompany you, dear Prince,' she says, in her most +coaxing accents. 'First, we must get the jewels belonging to our +royal parents. and those of her and his present Majesty. Here +is the key, duck; they are all yours, you know, by right, for you +are the rightful King of Paflagonia, and your wife will be the +rightful Queen.' + +'Will she?' says Giglio. + +'Yes; and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso's apartment, +where, under his bed, you will find sacks containing money to the +amount of L2I7,000,000,987,439, 13S. 6 1/2d., all belonging to +you, for he took it out of your royal father's room on the day of +his death. With this we will fly.' + +'WE will fly?' says Giglio. + +'Yes, you and your bride--your affianced love--your Gruffy!' says +the Countess, with a languishing leer. + +'YOU my bride!' says Giglio. 'You, you hideous old woman!' + +'Oh, you--you wretch! didn't you give me this paper promising +marriage?' cries Gruff. + +'Get away, you old goose! I love Betsinda, and Betsinda only!' +And in a fit of terror he ran from her as quickly as he could. + +'He! he! he!' shrieks out Gruff; 'a promise is a promise if there +are laws in Paflagonia! And as for that monster, that wretch, +that fiend, that ugly little vixen--as for that upstart, that +ingrate, that beast, Betsinda, Master Giglio will have no little +difficulty in discovering her whereabouts. He may look very long +before finding HER, I warrant. He little knows that Miss +Betsinda is--' + +Is--what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda got up at five in +winter's morning to bring her cruel mistress her tea; and instead +of finding her in a good humour, found Gruffy as cross as two +sticks. The Countess boxed Betsinda's ears half a dozen times +whilst she was dressing; but as poor little Betsinda was used to +this kind of treatment, she did not feel any special alarm. 'And +now,' says she, 'when Her Majesty rings her bell twice, I'll +trouble you, miss, to attend.' + +So when the Queen's bell rang twice, Betsinda came to Her Majesty +and made a pretty little curtsey. The Queen, the Princess, and +Gruffanuff were all three in the room. As soon as they saw her +they began, + +'You wretch!' says the Queen. + +'You little vulgar thing!' says the Princess. + +'You beast!' says Gruffanuff. + +'Get out of my sight!' says the Queen. + +'Go away with you, do!' says the Princess. + +'Quit the premises!' says Gruffanuff. + +'Alas! and woe is me!' very lamentable events had occurred to +Betsinda that morning, and all in consequence of that fatal +warming-pan business of the previous night. The King had offered +to marry her; of course Her Majesty the Queen was jealous: Bulbo +had fallen in love with her; of course Angelica was furious: +Giglio was in love with her, and oh, what a fury Gruffy was in! + +'Take off that {cap } I gave you,' + {petticoat} they said, all + {gown } at once, +and began tearing the clothes off poor Betsinda. + +'How (the King?' } cried the Queen, +dare you {Prince Bulbo?' } the Princess, and +flirt with {Prince Giglio?'} Countess. + +'Give her the rags she wore when she came into the house, and +turn her out of it!' cries the Queen. + +'Mind she does not go with MY shoes on, which I lent her so +kindly,' says the Princess; and indeed the Princess's shoes were +a great deal too big for Betsinda. + +'Come with me, you filthy hussy!' and taking up the Queen's +poker, the cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda into her room. + +The Countess went to the glass box in which she had kept +Betsinda's old cloak and shoe this ever so long, and said, 'Take +those rags, you little beggar creature, and strip off everything +belonging to honest people, and go about your business'; and she +actually tore off the poor little delicate thing's back almost +all her things, and told her to be off out of the house. + +Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, on which were +embroidered the letters PRIN. . . ROSAL. . . and then came a +great rent. + +As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor little tootsey +sandal? the string was still to it, so she hung it round her +neck. + +'Won't you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the snow, mum, if +you please, mum?' cried the poor child. + +'No, you wicked beast!' says Gruffanuff, driving her along with +the poker--driving her down the cold stairs--driving her through +the cold hall--flinging her out into the cold street, so that the +knocker itself shed tears to see her! + +But a kind fairy made the soft snow warm for her little feet, and +she wrapped herself up in the ermine of her mantle, and was gone! + + +'And now let us think about breakfast,' says the greedy Queen. + +'What dress shall I put on, mamma? the pink or the peagreen?' +says Angelica. 'Which do you think the dear Prince will like +best?' + +'Mrs. V.!' sings out the King from his dressing-room, 'let us +have sausages for breakfast! Remember we have Prince Bulbo +staying with us!' + +And they all went to get ready. + +Nine o'clock came, and they were all in the breakfast-room, and +no Prince Bulbo as yet. The urn was hissing and humming: the +muffins were smoking--such a heap of muffins! the eggs were done, +there was a pot of raspberry jam, and coffee, and a beautiful +chicken and tongue on the side-table. Marmitonio the cook +brought in the sausages. Oh, how nice they smelt! + +'Where is Bulbo?' said the King. 'John, where is His Royal +Highness?' John said he had a took hup His Roilighnessesses +shaving-water, and his clothes and things, and he wasn't in his +room, which he sposed His Royliness was just stepped trout. + +'Stepped out before breakfast in the snow! Impossible!' says the +King, sticking his fork into a sausage. 'My dear, take one. +Angelica, won't you have a saveloy?' The Princess took one, +being very fond of them; and at this moment Glumboso entered with +Captain Hedzoff, both looking very much disturbed. + +'I am afraid Your Majesty--' cries Glumboso. + +'No business before breakfast, Glum!' says the King.' Breakfast +first, business next. Mrs. V., some more sugar!' + +'Sire, I am afraid if we wait till after breakfast it will be too +late,' says Glumboso. 'He--he--he'll be hanged at half-past +nine.' + +'Don't talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, you unkind, +vulgar man you,' cries the Princess. 'John, some mustard. Pray +who is to be hanged?' + +'Sire, it is the Prince,' whispers Glumboso to the King. + +'Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!' says His +Majesty, quite sulky. + +'We shall have a war, Sire, depend on it,' says the Minister. +'His father, King Padella. . .' + +'His father, King WHO?' says the King. 'King Padella is not +Giglio's father. My brother, King Savio, was Giglio's father.' + +'It's Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince Giglio,' +says the Prime Minister. + +'You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the ugly one,' says +Hedzoff. 'I didn't, of course, think Your Majesty intended to +murder your own flesh and blood! ' + +The King for all reply flung the plate of sausages at Hedzoff's +head. The Princess cried out 'Hee-kareekaree!' and fell down in +a fainting fit. + +'Turn the cock of the urn upon Her Royal Highness,' said the +King, and the boiling water gradually revived her. His Majesty +looked at his watch, compared it by the clock in the parlour, and +by that of the church in the square opposite; then he wound it +up; then he looked at it again. 'The great question is,' says +he, 'am I fast or am I slow? If I'm slow, we may as well go on +with breakfast. If I'm fast, why, there is just the possibility +of saving Prince Bulbo. It's a doosid awkward mistake, and upon +my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged +too.' + +'Sire, I did but my duty; a soldier has but his orders. I didn't +expect after forty-seven years of faithful service that my +sovereign would think of putting me to a felon's death!' + +'A hundred thousand plagues upon you! Can't you see that while +you are talking my Bulbo is being hung?' screamed the Princess. + +'By Jove! she's always right, that girl, and I'm so absent,' says +the King, looking at his watch again. 'Ha! there go the drums! +What a doosid awkward thing though!' + +'Oh, papa, you goose! Write the reprieve, and let me run with +it,' cries the Princess--and she got a sheet of paper, and pen +and ink, and laid them before the King. + +'Confound it! where are my spectacles?' the Monarch exclaimed. +'Angelica! go up into my bedroom, look under my pillow, not your +mamma's; there you'll see my keys. Bring them down to me, +and--Well, well! what impetuous things these girls are!' +Angelica was gone, and had run up panting to the bedroom, and +found the keys, and was back again before the King had finished a +muffin. 'Now, love,' says he, 'you must go all the way back for +my desk, in which my spectacles are. If you would but have heard +me out. . . Be hanged to her! There she is off again. Angelica! +ANGELICA!' When His Majesty called in his LOUD voice, she knew +she must obey, and came back. + +'My dear, when you go out of a room, how often have I told you, +SHUT THE DOOR. That's a darling. That's all.' At last the +keys and the desk and the spectacles were got, and the King +mended his pen, and signed his name to a reprieve, and Angelica +ran with it as swift as the wind. 'You'd better stay, my love, +and finish the muffins. There's no use going. Be sure it's too +late. Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,' said the +Monarch. 'Bong! Bawong! There goes the half-hour. I knew it +was.' + +Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up Fore Street, +and down High Street, and through the Market-place, and down to +the left, and over the bridge, and up the blind alley, and back +again, and round by the Castle, and so along by the Haberdasher's +on the right, opposite the lamp-post, and round the square, and +she came--she came to the EXECUTION PLACE, where she saw Bulbo +laying his head on the block!!! The executioner raised his axe, +but at that moment the Princess came panting up and cried +'Reprieve!' 'Reprieve!' screamed the Princess. 'Reprieve!' +shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs she sprang, with +the agility of a lighter of lamps; and flinging herself in +Bulbo's arms, regardless of all ceremony, she cried out, 'Oh, my +Prince! my lord! my love! my Bulbo! Thine Angelica has been in +time to save thy precious existence, sweet rosebud; to prevent +thy being nipped in thy young bloom! Had aught befallen thee, +Angelica too had died, and welcomed death that joined her to her +Bulbo.' + +'H'm! there's no accounting for tastes,' said Bulbo, looking so +very much puzzled and uncomfortable that the Princess, in tones +of tenderest strain, asked the cause of his disquiet. + +'I tell you what it is, Angelica,' said he, 'since I came here +yesterday, there has been such a row, and disturbance, and +quarrelling, and fighting, and chopping of heads off, and the +deuce to pay, that I am inclined to go back to Crim Tartary.' + +'But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo! Though wherever thou art is +Crim Tartary to me, my bold, my beautiful, my Bulbo!' + +'Well, well, I suppose we must be married,' says Bulbo. 'Doctor, +you came to read the Funeral Service--read the Marriage Service, +will you? What must be, must. That will satisfy Angelica, and +then, in the name of peace and quietness, do let us go back to +breakfast.' + +Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of the dismal +ceremony. It was a fairy rose, and he was told by his mother +that he ought never to part with it. So he had kept it between +his teeth, even when he laid his poor head upon the block, hoping +vaguely that some chance would turn up in his favour. As he +began to speak to Angelica, he forgot about the rose, and of +course it dropped out of his mouth. The romantic Princess +instantly stooped and seized it. 'Sweet rose!' she exclaimed, +'that bloomed upon my Bulbo's lip, never, never will I part from +thee!' and she placed it in her bosom. And you know Bulbo +COULDN'T ask her to give the rose back again. And they went to +breakfast; and as they walked, it appeared to Bulbo that Angelica +became more exquisitely lovely every moment. + +He was frantic until they were married; and now, strange to say, +it was Angelica who didn't care about him! He knelt down, he +kissed her hand, he prayed and begged; he cried with admiration; +while she for her part said she really thought they might wait; +it seemed to her he was not handsome any more--no, not at all, +quite the reverse; and not clever, no, very stupid; and not well +bred, like Giglio; no, on the contrary, dreadfully vul-- + +What, I cannot say, for King Valoroso roared out 'POOH, stuff!' +in a terrible voice. 'We will have no more of this +shilly-shallying! Call the Archbishop, and let the Prince and +Princess be married offhand!' + +So, married they were, and I am sure for my part I trust they +will be happy. + + + +XII. HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER + +Betsinda wandered on and on, till she passed through the town +gates, and so on the great Crim Tartary road, the very way on +which Giglio too was going. 'Ah!' thought she, as the diligence +passed her, of which the conductor was blowing a delightful tune +on his horn, 'how I should like to be on that coach!' But the +coach and the jingling horses were very soon gone. She little +knew who was in it, though very likely she was thinking of him +all the time. + +Then came an empty cart, returning from market; and the driver +being a kind man, and seeing such a very pretty girl trudging +along the road with bare feet, most good-naturedly gave her a +seat. He said he lived on the confines of the forest, where his +old father was a woodman, and, if she liked, he would take her so +far on her road. All roads were the same to little Betsinda, so +she very thankfully took this one. + +And the carter put a cloth round her bare feet, and gave her some +bread and cold bacon, and was very kind to her. For all that she +was very cold and melancholy. When after travelling on and on, +evening came, and all the black pines were bending with snow, and +there, at last, was the comfortable light beaming in the +woodman's windows; and so they arrived, and went into his +cottage. He was an old man, and had a number of children, who +were just at supper, with nice hot bread-and-milk, when their +elder brother arrived with the cart. And they jumped and clapped +their hands; for they were good children; and he had brought them +toys from the town. And when they saw the pretty stranger, they +ran to her, and brought her to the fire, and rubbed her poor +little feet, and brought her bread and milk. + +'Look, father!' they said to the old woodman, 'look at this poor +girl, and see what pretty cold feet she has. They are as white +as our milk! And look and see what an odd cloak she has, just +like the bit of velvet that hangs up in our cupboard, and which +you found that day the little cubs were killed by King Padella, +in the forest! And look, why, bless us all! she has got round +her neck just such another little shoe as that you brought home, +and have shown us so often--a little blue velvet shoe!' + +'What,' said the old woodman, 'what is all this about a shoe and +a cloak?' + +And Betsinda explained that she had been left, when quite a +little child, at the town with this cloak and this shoe. And the +persons who had taken care of her had--had been angry with her, +for no fault, she hoped, of her own. And they had sent her away +with her old clothes--and here, in fact, she was. She remembered +having been in a forest--and perhaps it was a dream--it was so +very odd and strange--having lived in a cave with lions there; +and, before that, having lived in a very, very fine house, as +fine as the King's, in the town. + +When the woodman heard this, he was so astonished, it was quite +curious to see how astonished he was. He went to his cupboard, +and took out of a stocking a five-shilling piece of King +Cavolfiore, and vowed it was exactly like the young woman. And +then he produced the shoe and piece of velvet which he had kept +so long, and compared them with the things which Betsinda wore. +In Betsinda's little shoe was written, 'Hopkins, maker to the +Royal Family'; so in the other shoe was written, 'Hopkins, maker +to the Royal Family.' In the inside of Betsinda's piece of cloak +was embroidered, 'PRIN ROSAL'; in the other piece of cloak was +embroidered 'CESS BA. NO. 246.' So that when put together you +read, 'PRINCESS ROSALBA. NO. 246.' + +On seeing this, the dear old woodman fell down on his knee, +saying, 'O my Princess, O my gracious royal lady, O my rightful +Queen of Crim Tartary,--I hail thee--I acknowledge thee--I do +thee homage!' And in token of his fealty, he rubbed his +venerable nose three times on the ground, and put the Princess's +foot on his head. + +'Why,' said she, 'my good woodman, you must be a nobleman of my +royal father's Court!' For in her lowly retreat, and under the +name of Betsinda, HER MAJESTY, ROSALBA, Queen of Crim Tartary, +had read of the customs of all foreign courts and nations. + +'Marry, indeed, am I, my gracious liege--the poor Lord Spinachi +once--the humble woodman these fifteen years syne. Ever since +the tyrant Padella (may ruin overtake the treacherous knave!) +dismissed me from my post of First Lord.' + +'First Lord of the Toothpick and Joint Keeper of the Snuffbox? I +mind me! Thou heldest these posts under our royal Sire. They +are restored to thee, Lord Spinachi! I make thee knight of the +second class of our Order of the Pumpkin (the first class being +reserved for crowned heads alone). Rise, Marquis of Spinachi!' +And with indescribable majesty, the Queen, who had no sword +handy, waved the pewter spoon with which she had been taking her +bread-and-milk, over the bald head of the old nobleman, whose +tears absolutely made a puddle on the ground, and whose dear +children went to bed that night Lords and Ladies Bartolomeo, +Ubaldo, Catarina, and Ottavia degli Spinachi! + +The acquaintance HER MAJESTY showed with the history, and noble +families of her empire, was wonderful. 'The House of Broccoli +should remain faithful to us,' she said; 'they were ever welcome +at our Court. Have the Articiocchi, as was their wont, turned to +the Rising Sun? The family of Sauerkraut must sure be with +us--they were ever welcome in the halls of King Cavolfiore.' And +so she went on enumerating quite a list of the nobility and +gentry of Crim Tartary, so admirably had Her Majesty profited by +her studies while in exile. + +The old Marquis of Spinachi said he could answer for them all; +that the whole country groaned under Padella's tyranny, and +longed to return to its rightful sovereign; and late as it was, +he sent his children, who knew the forest well, to summon this +nobleman and that; and when his eldest son, who had been rubbing +the horse down and giving him his supper, came into the house for +his own, the Marquis told him to put his boots on, and a saddle +on the mare, and ride hither and thither to such and such people. + + +When the young man heard who his companion in the cart had been, +he too knelt down and put her royal foot on his head; he too +bedewed the ground with his tears; he was frantically in love +with her, as everybody now was who saw her: so were the young +Lords Bartolomeo and Ubaldo, who punched each other's little +heads out of jealousy; and so, when they came from east and west +at the summons of the Marquis degli Spinachi, were the Crim +Tartar Lords who still remained faithful to the House of +Cavolfiore. They were such very old gentlemen for the most part +that Her Majesty never suspected their absurd passion, and went +among them quite unaware of the havoc her beauty was causing, +until an old blind Lord who had joined her party told her what +the truth was; after which, for fear of making the people too +much in love with her, she always wore a veil. She went about +privately, from one nobleman's castle to another; and they +visited among themselves again, and had meetings, and composed +proclamations and counterproclamations, and distributed all the +best places of the kingdom amongst one another, and selected who +of the opposition party should be executed when the Queen came to +her own. And so in about a year they were ready to move. + +The party of Fidelity was in truth composed of very feeble old +fogies for the most part; they went about the country waving +their old swords and flags, and calling 'God save the Queen!' and +King Padella happening to be absent upon an invasion, they had +their own way for a little, and to be sure the people were very +enthusiastic whenever they saw the Queen; otherwise the vulgar +took matters very quietly, for they said, as far as they could +recollect, they were pretty well as much taxed in Cavolfiore's +time, as now in Padella's. + + + +XIII. HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD COUNT +HOGGINARMO + +Her Majesty, having indeed nothing else to give, made all her +followers Knights of the Pumpkin, and Marquises, Earls, and +Baronets; and they had a little court for her, and made her a +little crown of gilt paper, and a robe of cotton velvet; and they +quarrelled about the places to be given away in her court, and +about rank and precedence and dignities;--you can't think how +they quarrelled! The poor Queen was very tired of her honours +before she had had them a month, and I dare say sighed sometimes +even to be a lady's-maid again. But we must all do our duty in +our respective stations, so the Queen resigned herself to perform +hers. + +We have said how it happened that none of the Usurper's troops +came out to oppose this Army of Fidelity: it pottered along as +nimbly as the gout of the principal commanders allowed: it +consisted of twice as many officers as soldiers: and at length +passed near the estates of one of the most powerful noblemen of +the country, who had not declared for the Queen, but of whom her +party had hopes, as he was always quarrelling with King Padella. + +When they came close to his park gates, this nobleman sent to say +he would wait upon Her Majesty: he was a most powerful warrior, +and his name was Count Hogginarmo, whose helmet it took two +strong negroes to carry. He knelt down before her and said, +'Madam and liege lady! it becomes the great nobles of the Crimean +realm to show every outward sign of respect to the wearer of the +Crown, whoever that may be. We testify to our own nobility in +acknowledging yours. The bold Hogginarmo bends the knee to the +first of the aristocracy of his country.' + +Rosalba said, 'The bold Count of Hogginarmo was uncommonly kind.' +But she felt afraid of him, even while he was kneeling, and his +eyes scowled at her from between his whiskers, which grew up to +them. + +'The first Count of the Empire, madam,' he went on, 'salutes the +Sovereign. The Prince addresses himself to the not more noble +lady! Madam, my hand is free, and I offer it, and my heart and +my sword to your service! My three wives lie buried in my +ancestral vaults. The third perished but a year since; and this +heart pines for a consort! Deign to be mine, and I swear to +bring to your bridal table the head of King Padella, the eyes and +nose of his son Prince Bulbo, the right hand and ears of the +usurping Sovereign of Paflagonia, which country shall thenceforth +be an appanage to your--to OUR Crown! Say yes; Hogginarmo is not +accustomed to be denied. Indeed I cannot contemplate the +possibility of a refusal: for frightful will be the result; +dreadful the murders; furious the devastations; horrible the +tyranny; tremendous the tortures, misery, taxation, which the +people of this realm will endure, if Hogginarmo's wrath be +aroused! I see consent in Your Majesty's lovely eyes-- their +glances fill my soul with rapture!' + +'Oh, sir!' Rosalba said, withdrawing her hand in great fright. +'Your Lordship is exceedingly kind; but I am sorry to tell you +that I have a prior attachment to a young gentleman by the name +of--Prince Giglio--and never--never can marry any one but him.' + +Who can describe Hogginarmo's wrath at this remark? Rising up +from the ground, he ground his teeth so that fire flashed out +of his mouth, from which at the same time issued remarks and +language, so LOUD, VIOLENT, AND IMPROPER, that this pen shall +never repeat them! 'R-r-r-r-rr--Rejected! Fiends and +perdition! The bold Hogginarmo rejected! All the world shall +hear of my rage; and you, madam, you above all shall rue it!' +And kicking the two negroes before him, he rushed away, his +whiskers streaming in the wind. + +Her Majesty's Privy Council was in a dreadful panic when they +saw Hogginarmo issue from the royal presence in such a towering +rage, making footballs of the poor negroes--a panic which the +events justified. They marched off from Hogginarmo's park very +crestfallen; and in another halfhour they were met by that +rapacious chieftain with a few of his followers, who cut, +slashed, charged, whacked, banged, and pommelled amongst them, +took the Queen prisoner, and drove the Army of Fidelity to I +don't know where. + +Poor Queen! Hogginarmo, her conqueror, would not condescend to +see her. 'Get a horse-van!' he said to his grooms, 'clap the +hussy into it, and send her, with my compliments, to His +Majesty King Padella.' + +Along with his lovely prisoner, Hogginarmo sent a letter full +of servile compliments and loathsome flatteries to King +Padella, for whose life, and that of his royal family, the +HYPOCRITICAL HUMBUG pretended to offer the most fulsome +prayers. And Hogginarmo promised speedily to pay his humble +homage at his august master's throne, of which he begged leave +to be counted the most loyal and constant defender. Such a +WARY old BIRD as King Padella was not to be caught by Master +Hogginarmo's CHAFF and we shall hear presently how the tyrant +treated his upstart vassal. No, no; depend on's, two such +rogues do not trust one another. + +So this poor Queen was laid in the straw like Margery Daw, and +driven along in the dark ever so many miles to the Court, where +King Padella had now arrived, having vanquished all his +enemies, murdered most of them, and brought some of the richest +into captivity with him for the purpose of torturing them and +finding out where they had hidden their money. + +Rosalba heard their shrieks and groans in the dungeon in which +she was thrust; a most awful black hole, full of bats, rats, +mice, toads, frogs, mosquitoes, bugs, fleas, serpents, and +every kind of horror. No light was let into it, otherwise the +gaolers might have seen her and fallen in love with her, as an +owl that lived up in the roof of the tower did, and a cat, you +know, who can see in the dark, and having set its green eyes on +Rosalba, never would be got to go back to the turnkey's wife to +whom it belonged. And the toads in the dungeon came and kissed +her feet, and the vipers wound round her neck and arms, and +never hurt her, so charming was this poor Princess in the midst +of her misfortunes. + +At last, after she had been kept in this place EVER SO LONG, +the door of the dungeon opened, and the terrible KING PADELLA +came in. + +But what he said and did must be reserved for another chapter, +as we must now back to Prince Giglio. + + + +XIV. WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO + +The idea of marrying such an old creature as Gruffanuff +frightened Prince Giglio so, that he ran up to his room, packed +his trunks, fetched in a couple of porters, and was off to the +diligence office in a twinkling. + +It was well that he was so quick in his operations, did not +dawdle over his luggage, and took the early coach, for as soon +as the mistake about Prince Bulbo was found out, that cruel +Glumboso sent up a couple of policemen to Prince Giglio's room, +with orders that he should be carried to Newgate, and his head +taken off before twelve o'clock. But the coach was out of the +Paflagonian dominions before two o'clock; and I dare say the +express that was sent after Prince Giglio did not ride very +quick, for many people in Paflagonia had a regard for Giglio, +as the son of their old sovereign; a Prince who, with all his +weaknesses, was very much better than his brother, the +usurping, lazy, careless, passionate, tyrannical, reigning +monarch. That Prince busied himself with the balls, fetes, +masquerades, hunting-parties, and so forth, which he thought +proper to give on occasion of his daughter's marriage to Prince +Bulbo; and let us trust was not sorry in his own heart that his +brother's son had escaped the scaffold. + +It was very cold weather, and the snow was on the ground, and +Giglio, who gave his name as simple Mr. Giles, was very glad to +get a comfortable place in the coupe of the diligence, where he +sat with the conductor and another gentleman. At the first +stage from Blombodinga, as they stopped to change horses, there +came up to the diligence a very ordinary, vulgar-looking woman, +with a bag under her arm, who asked for a place. All the +inside places were taken, and the young woman was informed that +if she wished to travel, she must go upon the roof; and the +passenger inside with Giglio (a rude person, I should think), +put his head out of the window, and said, 'Nice weather for +travelling outside! I wish you a pleasant journey, my dear.' +The poor woman coughed very much, and Giglio pitied her. 'I +will give up my place to her,' says he, 'rather than she should +travel in the cold air with that horrid cough.' On which the +vulgar traveller said, 'YOU'D keep her warm, I am sure, if it's +a MUFF she wants.' On which Giglio pulled his nose, boxed his +ears, hit him in the eye, and gave this vulgar person a warning +never to call him MUFF again. + +Then he sprang up gaily on to the roof of the diligence, and +made himself very comfortable in the straw. + +The vulgar traveller got down only at the next station, and +Giglio took his place again, and talked to the person next to +him. She appeared to be a most agreeable, well-informed, and +entertaining female. They travelled together till night, and +she gave Giglio all sorts of things out of the bag which she +carried, and which indeed seemed to contain the most wonderful +collection of articles. He was thirsty--out there came a pint +bottle of Bass's pale ale, and a silver mug! Hungry--she took +out a cold fowl, some slices of ham, bread, salt, and a most +delicious piece of cold plum-pudding, and a little glass of +brandy afterwards. + +As they travelled, this plain-looking, queer woman talked to +Giglio on a variety of subjects, in which the poor Prince +showed his ignorance as much as she did her capacity. He +owned, with many blushes, how ignorant he was; on which the +lady said, 'My dear Gigl-- my good Mr. Giles, you are a young +man, and have plenty of time before you. You have nothing to +do but to improve yourself. Who knows but that you may find +use for your knowledge some day? When--when you may be wanted +at home, as some people may be.' + +'Good heavens, madam!' says he, 'do you know me?' + +'I know a number of funny things,' says the lady. 'I have been +at some people's christenings, and turned away from other +folks' doors. I have seen some people spoilt by good fortune, +and others, as I hope, improved by hardship. I advise you to +stay at the town where the coach stops for the night. Stay +there and study, and remember your old friend to whom you were +kind.' + +'And who is my old friend?' asked Giglio. + +'When you want anything,' says the lady, 'look in this bag, +which I leave to you as a present, and be grateful to--' + +'To whom, madam?' says he. + +'To the Fairy Blackstick,' says the lady, flying out of the +window. And then Giglio asked the conductor if he knew where +the lady was? + +'What lady?' says the man; 'there has been no lady in this +coach, except the old woman, who got out at the last stage.' +And Giglio thought he had been dreaming. But there was the bag +which Blackstick had given him lying on his lap; and when he +came to the town he took it in his hand and went into the inn. + +They gave him a very bad bedroom, and Giglio, when he woke in +the morning, fancying himself in the Royal Palace at home, +called, 'John, Charles, Thomas! My chocolate--my +dressing-gown--my slippers'; but nobody came. There was no +bell, so he went and bawled out for water on the top of the +stairs. + +The landlady came up. + +'What are you a hollering and a bellaring for here, young man?' +says she. + +'There's no warm water--no servants; my boots are not even +cleaned.' + +'He, he! Clean 'em yourself,' says the landlady. 'You young +students give yourselves pretty airs. I never heard such +impudence.' + +'I'll quit the house this instant,' says Giglio. + +'The sooner the better, young man. Pay your bill and be off. +All my rooms is wanted for gentlefolks, and not for such as +you.' + +'You may well keep the Bear Inn,' said Giglio. 'You should have +yourself painted as the sign.' + +The landlady of the Bear went away GROWLING. And Giglio +returned to his room, where the first thing he saw was the +fairy bag lying on the table, which seemed to give a little hop +as he came in. 'I hope it has some breakfast in it,' says +Giglio, 'for I have only a very little money left.' But on +opening the bag, what do you think was there? A blackingbrush +and a pot of Warren's jet, and on the pot was written + +Poor young men their boots must black: +Use me and cork me and put me back. + +So Giglio laughed and blacked his boots, and put back the brush +and the bottle into the bag. + +When he had done dressing himself, the bag gave another little +hop, and he went to it and took out-- + +1. A tablecloth and a napkin. + +2. A sugar-basin full of the best loaf-sugar. + +4, 6, 8, 10. Two forks, two teaspoons, two knives, and a pair +of sugar-tongs, and a butter-knife all marked G. + +11, 12, 13. A teacup, saucer, and slop-basin. + +14. A jug full of delicious cream. + +15. A canister with black tea and green. + +16. A large tea-urn and boiling water. + +17. A saucepan, containing three eggs nicely done. + +18. A quarter of a pound of best Epping butter. + +19. A brown loaf. + +And if he hadn't enough now for a good breakfast, I should like +to know who ever had one? + +Giglio, having had his breakfast, popped all the things back +into the bag, and went out looking for lodgings. I forgot to +say that this celebrated university town was called Bosforo. + +He took a modest lodging opposite the Schools, paid his bill at +the inn, and went to his apartment with his trunk, carpet-bag, +and not forgetting, we may be sure, his OTHER bag. + +When he opened his trunk, which the day before he had filled +with his best clothes, he found it contained only books. And +in the first of them which he opened there was written-- + +Clothes for the back, books for the head: +Read and remember them when they are read. + +And in his bag, when Giglio looked in it, he found a student's +cap and gown, a writing-book full of paper, an inkstand, pens, +and a Johnson's dictionary, which was very useful to him, as +his spelling had been sadly neglected. + +So he sat down and worked away, very, very hard for a whole +year, during which 'Mr. Giles' was quite an example to all the +students in the University of Bosforo. He never got into any +riots or disturbances. The Professors all spoke well of him, +and the students liked him too; so that, when at examination, +he took all the prizes, viz.-- + +{The Spelling Prize {The French Prize +{The Writing Prize {The Arithmetic Prize +{The History Prize {The Latin Prize +{The Catechism Prize {The Good Conduct Prize, + +all his fellow-students said, 'Hurrah! Hurray for Giles! Giles +is the boy--the student's joy! Hurray for Giles!' And he +brought quite a quantity of medals, crowns, books, and tokens +of distinction home to his lodgings. + +One day after the Examinations, as he was diverting himself at +a coffee-house with two friends--(Did I tell you that in his +bag, every Saturday night, he found just enough to pay his +bills, with a guinea over, for pocketmoney? Didn't I tell you? +Well, he did, as sure as twice twenty makes forty-five)--he +chanced to look in the Bosforo Chronicle, and read off, quite +easily (for he could spell, read, and write the longest words +now), the following:-- + +'ROMANTIC CIRCUMSTANCE.--One of the most extraordinary +adventures that we have ever heard has set the neighbouring +country of Crim Tartary in a state of great excitement. + +'It will be remembered that when the present revered sovereign +of Crim Tartary, His Majesty King PADELLA, took possession of +the throne, after having vanquished, in the terrific battle of +Blunderbusco, the late King CAVOLFIORE, that Prince's only +child, the Princess Rosalba, was not found in the royal palace, +of which King Padella took possession, and, it was said, had +strayed into the forest (being abandoned by all her attendants) +where she had been eaten up by those ferocious lions, the last +pair of which were captured some time since, and brought to the +Tower, after killing several hundred persons. + +'His Majesty King Padella, who has the kindest heart in the +world, was grieved at the accident which had occurred to the +harmless little Princess, for whom His Majesty's known +benevolence would certainly have provided a fitting +establishment. But her death seemed to be certain. The +mangled remains of a cloak, and a little shoe, were found in +the forest, during a hunting-party, in which the intrepid +sovereign of Crim Tartary slew two of the lions' cubs with his +own spear. And these interesting relics of an innocent little +creature were carried home and kept by their finder, the Baron +Spinachi, formerly an officer in Cavolfiore's household. The +Baron was disgraced in consequence of his known legitimist +opinions, and has lived for some time in the humble capacity of +a wood-cutter, in a forest on the outskirts of the Kingdom of +Crim Tartary. + +'Last Tuesday week Baron Spinachi and a number of gentlemen, +attached to the former dynasty, appeared in arms, crying, "God +save Rosalba, the first Queen of Crim Tartary!" and surrounding +a lady whom report describes as "BEAUTIFUL EXCEEDINGLY." Her +history MAY be authentic, is certainly most romantic. + +'The personage calling herself Rosalba states that she was +brought out of the forest, fifteen years since, by a lady in a +car drawn by dragons (this account is certainly IMPROBABLE), +that she was left in the Palace Garden of Blombodinga, where +Her Royal Highness the Princess Angelica, now married to His +Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of Crim Tartary, found the +child, and, with THAT ELEGANT BENEVOLENCE which has always +distinguished the heiress of the throne of Paflagonia, gave the +little outcast a SHELTER AND A HOME! Her parentage not being +known, and her garb very humble, the foundling was educated in +the Palace in a menial capacity, under the name of BETSINDA. + +'She did not give satisfaction, and was dismissed, carrying +with her, certainly, part of a mantle and a shoe, which she had +on when first found. According to her statement she quitted +Blombodinga about a year ago, since which time she has been +with the Spinachi family. On the very same morning the Prince +Giglio, nephew to the King of Paflagonia, a young Prince whose +character for TALENT and ORDER were, to say truth, none of the +HIGHEST, also quitted Blombodinga, and has not been since heard +of!' + +'What an extraordinary story!' said Smith and Jones, two young +students, Giglio's especial friends. + +'Ha! what is this? ' Giglio went on, reading-- + +'SECOND EDITION, EXPRESS.--We hear that the troop under Baron +Spinachi has been surrounded, and utterly routed, by General +Count Hogginarmo, and the soidisant Princess is sent a prisoner +to the capital. + +'UNIVERSITY NEWS.--Yesterday, at the Schools, the distinguished +young student, Mr. Giles, read a Latin oration, and was +complimented by the Chancellor of Bosforo, Dr. Prugnaro, with +the highest University honour--the wooden spoon.' + +'Never mind that stuff,' says GILES, greatly disturbed. 'Come +home with me, my friends. Gallant Smith! intrepid Jones! +friends of my studies--partakers of my academic toils--I have +that to tell which shall astonish your honest minds.' + +'Go it, old boy!' cries the impetuous Smith. + +'Talk away, my buck!' says Jones, a lively fellow. + +With an air of indescribable dignity, Giglio checked their +natural, but no more seemly, familiarity. 'Jones, Smith, my +good friends,' said the PRINCE, 'disguise is henceforth +useless; I am no more the humble student Giles, I am the +descendant of a royal line.' + +'Atavis edite regibus, I know, old co--' cried Jones. He was +going to say old cock, but a flash from THE ROYAL EYE again +awed him. + +'Friends,' continued the Prince, 'I am that Giglio, I am, in +fact, Paflagonia. Rise, Smith, and kneel not in the public +street. Jones, thou true heart! My faithless uncle, when I +was a baby, filched from me that brave crown my father left me, +bred me, all young and careless of my rights, like unto hapless +Hamlet, Prince of Denmark; and had I any thoughts about my +wrongs, soothed me with promises of near redress. I should +espouse his daughter, young Angelica; we two indeed should +reign in Paflagonia. His words were false--false as Angelica's +heart!--false as Angelica's hair, colour, front teeth! She +looked with her skew eyes upon young Bulbo, Crim Tartary's +stupid heir, and she preferred him.' Twas then I turned my +eyes upon Betsinda--Rosalba, as she now is. And I saw in her +the blushing sum of all perfection; the pink of maiden modesty; +the nymph that my fond heart had ever woo'd in dreams,' etc. +etc. + +(I don't give this speech, which was very fine, but very long; +and though Smith and Jones knew nothing about the +circumstances, my dear reader does, so I go on.) + +The Prince and his young friends hastened home to his +apartment, highly excited by the intelligence, as no doubt by +the ROYAL NARRATOR'S admirable manner of recounting it, and +they ran up to his room where he had worked so hard at his +books. + +On his writing-table was his bag, grown so long that the Prince +could not help remarking it. He went to it, opened it, and +what do you think he found in it? + +A splendid long, gold-handled, red-velvet-scabbarded, +cut-and-thrust sword, and on the sheath was embroidered +'ROSALBA FOR EVER!' + +He drew out the sword, which flashed and illuminated the whole +room, and called out 'Rosalba for ever!' Smith and Jones +following him, but quite respectfully this time, and taking the +time from His Royal Highness. + +And now his trunk opened with a sudden pony, and out there came +three ostrich feathers in a gold crown, surrounding a beautiful +shining steel helmet, a cuirass, a pair of spurs, finally a +complete suit of armour. + +The books on Giglio's shelves were all gone. Where there had +been some great dictionaries, Giglio's friends found two pairs +of jack-boots labelled, 'Lieutenant Smith,' '--Jones, Esq.,' +which fitted them to a nicety. Besides, there were helmets, +back and breast plates, swords, etc., just like in Mr. G. P. R. +James's novels; and that evening three cavaliers might have +been seen issuing from the gates of Bosforo, in whom the +porters, proctors, etc., never thought of recognising the young +Prince and his friends. + +They got horses at a livery stable-keeper's, and never drew +bridle until they reached the last town on the frontier before +you come to Crim Tartary. Here, as their animals were tired, +and the cavaliers hungry, they stopped and refreshed at an +hostel. I could make a chapter of this if I were like some +writers, but I like to cram my measure tight down, you see, and +give you a great deal for your money, and, in a word, they had +some bread and cheese and ale upstairs on the balcony of the +inn. As they were drinking, drums and trumpets sounded nearer +and nearer, the marketplace was filled with soldiers, and His +Royal Highness looking forth, recognised the Paflagonian +banners, and the Paflagonian national air which the bands were +playing. + +The troops all made for the tavern at once, and as they came up +Giglio exclaimed, on beholding their leader, 'Whom do I see? +Yes! No! It is, it is! Phoo! No, it can't be! Yes! It is +my friend, my gallant faithful veteran, Captain Hedzoff! Ho! +Hedzoff! Knowest thou not thy Prince, thy Giglio? Good +Corporal, methinks we once were friends. Ha, Sergeant, an' my +memory serves me right, we have had many a bout at +singlestick.' + +'I' faith, we have, a many, good my Lord,' says the Sergeant. + +'Tell me, what means this mighty armament,' continued His Royal +Highness from the balcony, 'and whither march my Paflagonians?' + +Hedzoff's head fell. 'My Lord,' he said, 'we march as the +allies of great Padella, Crim Tartary's monarch.' + +'Crim Tartary's usurper, gallant Hedzoff! Crim Tartary's grim +tyrant, honest Hedzoff!' said the Prince, on the balcony, quite +sarcastically. + +'A soldier, Prince, must needs obey his orders: mine are to +help His Majesty Padella. And also (though alack that I should +say it!) to seize wherever I should light upon him.' + +'First catch your hare! ha, Hedzoff!' exclaimed His Royal +Highness. + +'--On the body of GIGLIO, whilome Prince of Paflagonia' Hedzoff +went on, with indescribable emotion. 'My Prince, give up your +sword without ado. Look! we are thirty thousand men to one!' + +'Give up my sword! Giglio give up his sword!' cried the Prince; +and stepping well forward on to the balcony, the royal youth, +WITHOUT PREPARATION, delivered a speech so magnificent, that no +report can do justice to it. It was all in blank verse (in +which, from this time, he invariably spoke, as more becoming +his majestic station). It lasted for three days and three +nights, during which not a single person who heard him was +tired, or remarked the difference between daylight and dark. +The soldiers only cheering tremendously, when occasionally, +once in nine hours, the Prince paused to suck an orange, which +Jones took out of the bag. He explained, in terms which we say +we shall not attempt to convey, the whole history of the +previous transaction, and his determination not only not to +give up his sword, but to assume his rightful crown; and at the +end of this extraordinary, this truly GIGANTIC effort, Captain +Hedzoff flung up his helmet, and cried, 'Hurray! Hurray! Long +live King Giglio!' + +Such were the consequences of having employed his time well at +College! + +When the excitement had ceased, beer was ordered out for the +army, and their Sovereign himself did not disdain a little! And +now it was with some alarm that Captain Hedzoff told him his +division was only the advanced guard of the Paflagonian +contingent, hastening to King Padella's aid; the main force +being a day's march in the rear under His Royal Highness Prince +Bulbo. + +'We will wait here, good friend, to beat the Prince,' His +Majesty said, 'and THEN will make his royal father wince.' + + + +XV. WE RETURN TO ROSALBA + +King Padella made very similar proposals to Rosalba to those +which she had received from the various princes who, as we have +seen, had fallen in love with her. His Majesty was a widower, +and offered to marry his fair captive that instant, but she +declined his invitation in her usual polite gentle manner, +stating that Prince Giglio was her love, and that any other +union was out of the question. Having tried tears and +supplications in vain, this violent-tempered monarch menaced +her with threats and tortures; but she declared she would +rather suffer all these than accept the hand of her father's +murderer, who left her finally, uttering the most awful +imprecations, and bidding her prepare for death on the +following morning. + +All night long the King spent in advising how he should get rid +of this obdurate young creature. Cutting off her head was much +too easy a death for her; hanging was so common in His +Majesty's dominions that it no longer afforded him any sport; +finally, he bethought himself of a pair of fierce lions which +had lately been sent to him as presents, and he determined, +with these ferocious brutes, to hunt poor Rosalba down. +Adjoining his castle was an amphitheatre where the Prince +indulged in bull-baiting, rat-hunting, and other ferocious +sports. The two lions were kept in a cage under this place; +their roaring might be heard over the whole city, the +inhabitants of which, I am sorry to say, thronged in numbers to +see a poor young lady gobbled up by two wild beasts. + +The King took his place in the royal box, having the officers +of his Court around and the Count Hogginarmo by his side, upon +whom His Majesty was observed to look very fiercely; the fact +is, royal spies had told the monarch of Hogginarmo's behaviour, +his proposals to Rosalba, and his offer to fight for the crown. +Black as thunder looked King Padella at this proud noble, as +they sat in the front seats of the theatre waiting to see the +tragedy whereof poor Rosalba was to be the heroine. + +At length that Princess was brought out in her nightgown, with +all her beautiful hair falling down her back, and looking so +pretty that even the beef-eaters and keepers of the wild +animals wept plentifully at seeing her. And she walked with +her poor little feet (only luckily the arena was covered with +sawdust), and went and leaned up against a great stone in the +centre of the amphitheatre, round which the Court and the +people were seated in boxes, with bars before them, for fear of +the great, fierce, red-maned, black-throated, long-tailed, +roaring, bellowing, rushing lions. And now the gates were +opened, and with a wurrawarrurawarar two great lean, hungry, +roaring lions rushed out of their den, where they had been kept +for three weeks on nothing but a little toast-and-water, and +dashed straight up to the stone where poor Rosalba was waiting. +Commend her to your patron saints, all you kind people, for she +is in a dreadful state! + +There was a hum and a buzz all through the circus, and the +fierce King Padella even felt a little compassion. But Count +Hogginarmo, seated by His Majesty, roared out 'Hurray! Now for +it! Soo-soo-soo!' that nobleman being uncommonly angry still +at Rosalba's refusal of him. + +But O strange event! O remarkable circumstance! O +extraordinary coincidence, which I am sure none of you could BY +ANY POSSIBILITY have divined! When the lions came to Rosalba, +instead of devouring her with their great teeth, it was with +kisses they gobbled her up! They licked her pretty feet, they +nuzzled their noses in her lap, they moo'd, they seemed to say, +'Dear, dear sister don't you recollect your brothers in the +forest?' And she put her pretty white arms round their tawny +necks, and kissed them. + +King Padella was immensely astonished. The Count Hogginarmo +was extremely disgusted. 'Pooh!' the Count cried. 'Gammon!' +exclaimed his Lordship.' These lions are tame beasts come from +Wombwell's or Astley's. It is a shame to put people off in +this way. I believe they are little boys dressed up in +door-mats. They are no lions at all.' + +'Ha!' said the King, 'you dare to say "gammon" to your +Sovereign, do you? These lions are no lions at all, aren't +they? Ho! my beef-eaters! Ho! my bodyguard! Take this Count +Hogginarmo and fling him into the circus! Give him a sword and +buckler, let him keep his armour on, and his weather-eye out, +and fight these lions.' + +The haughty Hogginarmo laid down his opera-glass, and looked +scowling round at the King and his attendants. 'Touch me not, +dogs!' he said, 'or by St. Nicholas the Elder, I will gore you! +Your Majesty thinks Hogginarmo is afraid? No, not of a hundred +thousand lions! Follow me down into the circus, King Padella, +and match thyself against one of yon brutes. Thou darest not. +Let them both come on, then!' And opening a grating of the +box, he jumped lightly down into the circus. + +WURRA WURRA WURRA WUR-AW-AW-AW!!! + In about two minutes + The Count Hogginarmo was + GOBBLED UP + by + those lions, + bones, boots, and all, + and + There was an + End of him. + +At this, the King said, 'Serve him right, the rebellious +ruffian! And now, as those lions won't eat that young woman--' + +'Let her off!--let her off!' cried the crowd. + +'NO! ' roared the King. 'Let the beef-eaters go down and chop +her into small pieces. If the lions defend her, let the +archers shoot them to death. That hussy shall die in +tortures!' + +'A-a-ah!' cried the crowd. 'Shame! shame!' + +'Who dares cry out shame?' cried the furious potentate (so +little can tyrants command their passions). 'Fling any +scoundrel who says a word down among the lions!' + +I warrant you there was a dead silence then, which was broken +by a Pang arang pang pangkarangpang, and a Knight and a Herald +rode in at the further end of the circus: the Knight, in full +armour, with his vizor up, and bearing a letter on the point of +his lance. + +'Ha!' exclaimed the King, 'by my fey, 'tis Elephant and Castle, +pursuivant of my brother of Paflagonia; and the Knight, an' my +memory serves me, is the gallant Captain Hedzoff! What news +from Paflagonia, gallant Hedzoff? Elephant and Castle, beshrew +me, thy trumpeting must have made thee thirsty. What will my +trusty herald like to drink?' + +'Bespeaking first safe conduct from your Lordship,' said +Captain Hedzoff, 'before we take a drink of anything, permit us +to deliver our King's message.' + +'My Lordship, ha!' said Crim Tartary, frowning terrifically. +'That title soundeth strange in the anointed ears of a crowned +King. Straightway speak out your message, Knight and Herald!' + +Reining up his charger in a most elegant manner close under the +King's balcony, Hedzoff turned to the Herald, and bade him +begin. + +Elephant and Castle, dropping his trumpet over his shoulder, +took a large sheet of paper out of his hat, and began to +read:-- + +'O Yes! O Yes! O Yes! Know all men by these presents, that we, +Giglio, King of Paflagonia, Grand Duke of Cappadocia, Sovereign +Prince of Turkey and the Sausage Islands, having assumed our +rightful throne and title, long time falsely borne by our +usurping Uncle, styling himself King of Paflagonia--' + +'Ha!' growled Padella. + +'Hereby summon the false traitor, Padella, calling himself King +of Crim Tartary--' + +The King's curses were dreadful. 'Go on, Elephant and Castle!' +said the intrepid Hedzoff. + +'--To release from cowardly imprisonment his liege lady and +rightful Sovereign, ROSALBA, Queen of Crim Tartary, and restore +her to her royal throne: in default of which, I, Giglio, +proclaim the said Padella sneak, traitor, humbug, usurper, and +coward. I challenge him to meet me, with fists or with +pistols, with battle-axe or sword, with blunderbuss or +singlestick, alone or at the head of his army, on foot or on +horseback; and will prove my words upon his wicked ugly body!' + +'God save the King!' said Captain Hedzoff, executing a +demivolte, two semilunes, and three caracols. + +'Is that all?' said Padella, with the terrific calm of +concentrated fury. + +'That, sir, is all my royal master's message. Here is His +Majesty's letter in autograph, and here is his glove, and if +any gentleman of Crim Tartary chooses to find fault with His +Majesty's expressions, I, Tuffskin Hedzoff, Captain of the +Guard, am very much at his service,' and he waved his lance, +and looked at the assembly all round. + +'And what says my good brother of Paflagonia, my dear son's +father-in-law, to this rubbish?' asked the King. + +'The King's uncle hath been deprived of the crown he unjustly +wore,' said Hedzoff gravely. 'He and his axminister, Glumboso, +are now in prison waiting the sentence of my royal master. +After the battle of Bombardaro--' + +'Of what?' asked the surprised Padella. + +'Of Bombardaro, where my liege, his present Majesty, would have +performed prodigies of velour, but that the whole of his +uncle's army came over to our side, with the exception of +Prince Bulbo.' + +'Ah! my boy, my boy, my Bulbo was no traitor!' cried Padella. + +'Prince Bulbo, far from coming over to us, ran away, sir; but I +caught him. The Prince is a prisoner in our army, and the most +terrific tortures await him if a hair of the Princess Rosalba's +head is injured.' + +'Do they?' exclaimed the furious Padella, who was now perfectly +LIVID with rage.' Do they indeed? So much the worse for Bulbo. +I've twenty sons as lovely each as Bulbo. Not one but is as +fit to reign as Bulbo. Whip, whack, flog, starve, rack, +punish, torture Bulbo--break all his bones--roast him or flay +him alive--pull all his pretty teeth out one by one! But +justly dear as Bulbo is to me,--joy of my eyes, fond treasure +of my soul!--Ha, ha, ha, ha! revenge is dearer still. Ho! +tortures, rack-men, executioners--light up the fires and make +the pincers hot! get lots of boiling lead!--Bring out ROSALBA!' + + + +XVI. HOW HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO + +Captain Hedzoff rode away when King Padella uttered this cruel +command, having done his duty in delivering the message with +which his royal master had entrusted him. Of course he was +very sorry for Rosalba, but what could he do? + +So he returned to King Giglio's camp, and found the young +monarch in a disturbed state of mind, smoking cigars in the +royal tent. His Majesty's agitation was not appeased by the +news that was brought by his ambassador. 'The brutal ruthless +ruffian royal wretch!' Giglio exclaimed. 'As England's poesy +has well remarked, "The man that lays his hand upon a woman, +save in the way of kindness, is a villain." Ha, Hedzoff!' + +'That he is, your Majesty,' said the attendant. + +'And didst thou see her flung into the oil? and didn't the +soothing oil--the emollient oil, refuse to boil, good +Hedzoff--and to spoil the fairest lady ever eyes did look on?' + +'Faith, good my liege, I had no heart to look and see a +beauteous lady boiling down; I took your royal message to +Padella, and bore his back to you. I told him you would hold +Prince Bulbo answerable. He only said that he had twenty sons +as good as Bulbo, and forthwith he bade the ruthless +executioners proceed.' + +'O cruel father--O unhappy son!' cried the King. 'Go, some of +you, and bring Prince Bulbo hither.' + +Bulbo was brought in chains, looking very uncomfortable. +Though a prisoner, he had been tolerably happy, perhaps because +his mind was at rest, and all the fighting was over, and he was +playing at marbles with his guards when the King sent for him. + +'Oh, my poor Bulbo,' said His Majesty, with looks of infinite +compassion, 'hast thou heard the news?' (for you see Giglio +wanted to break the thing gently to the Prince), 'thy brutal +father has condemned Rosalba--p-p-p-ut her to death, +P-p-p-prince Bulbo! ' + +'What, killed Betsinda! Boo-hoo-hoo,' cried out Bulbo. +'Betsinda! pretty Betsinda! dear Betsinda! She was the dearest +little girl in the world. I love her better twenty thousand +times even than Angelica,' and he went on expressing his grief +in so hearty and unaffected a manner that the King was quite +touched by it, and said, shaking Bulbo's hand, that he wished +he had known Bulbo sooner. + +Bulbo, quite unconsciously, and meaning for the best, offered +to come and sit with His Majesty, and smoke a cigar with him, +and console him. The ROYAL KINDNESS supplied Bulbo with a +cigar; he had not had one, he said, since he was taken +prisoner. + +And now think what must have been the feelings of the most +MERCIFUL OF MONARCHS, when he informed his prisoner that, in +consequence of King Padella's cruel and DASTARDLY BEHAVIOUR to +Rosalba, Prince Bulbo must instantly be executed! The noble +Giglio could not restrain his tears, nor could the Grenadiers, +nor the officers, nor could Bulbo himself, when the matter was +explained to him, and he was brought to understand that His +Majesty's promise, of course, was ABOVE EVERY THING, and Bulbo +must submit. So poor Bulbo was led out, Hedzoff trying to +console him, by pointing out that if he had won the battle of +Bombardaro, he might have hanged Prince Giglio. 'Yes! But that +is no comfort to me now!' said poor Bulbo; nor indeed was it, +poor fellow! + +He was told the business would be done the next morning at +eight, and was taken back to his dungeon, where every attention +was paid to him. The gaoler's wife sent him tea, and the +turnkey's daughter begged him to write his name in her album, +where a many gentlemen had written it on like occasions! +'Bother your album!' says Bulbo. The Undertaker came and +measured him for the handsomest coffin which money could buy +--even this didn't console Bulbo. The Cook brought him dishes +which he once used to like; but he wouldn't touch them: he sat +down and began writing an adieu to Angelica, as the clock kept +always ticking, and the hands drawing nearer to next morning. +The Barber came in at night, and offered to shave him for the +next day. Prince Bulbo kicked him away, and went on writing a +few words to Princess Angelica, as the clock kept always +ticking, and the hands hopping nearer and nearer to next +morning. He got up on the top of a hatbox, on the top of a +chair, on the top of his bed, on the top of his table, and +looked out to see whether he might escape as the clock kept +always ticking and the hands drawing nearer, and nearer, and +nearer. + +But looking out of the window was one thing, and jumping +another: and the town clock struck seven. So he got into bed +for a little sleep, but the gaoler came and woke him, and said, +'Git up, your Royal Ighness, if you please, it's TEN MINUTES TO +EIGHT!' + +So poor Bulbo got up: he had gone to bed in his clothes (the +lazy boy), and he shook himself, and said he didn't mind about +dressing, or having any breakfast, thank you; and he saw the +soldiers who had come for him. 'Lead on!' he said; and they +led the way, deeply affected; and they came into the courtyard, +and out into the square, and there was King Giglio come to take +leave of him, and His Majesty most kindly shook hands with him, +and the 'Take off that marched on:--when hark! + +Haw--wurraw--wurraw--aworr! + +A roar of wild beasts was heard. And who should come riding +into the town, frightening away the boys, and even the beadle +and policeman, but ROSALBA! + +The fact is, that when Captain Hedzoff entered into the court +of Snapdragon Castle, and was discoursing with King Padella, +the lions made a dash at the open gate, gobbled up the six +beef-eaters in a jiffy, and away they went with Rosalba on the +back of one of them, and they carried her, turn and turn about, +till they came to the city where Prince Giglio's army was +encamped. + +When the KING heard of the QUEEN'S arrival, you may think how +he rushed out of his breakfast-room to hand Her Majesty off her +lion! The lions were grown as fat as pigs now, having had +Hogginarmo and all those beefeaters, and were so tame, anybody +might pat them. + +While Giglio knelt (most gracefully) and helped the Princess, +Bulbo, for his part, rushed up and kissed the lion. He flung +his arms round the forest monarch; he hugged him, and laughed +and cried for joy. 'Oh, you darling old beast, oh, how glad I +am to see you, and the dear, dear Bets--that is, Rosalba.' + +'What, is it you? poor Bulbo!' said the Queen.' Oh, how glad I +am to see you,' and she gave him her hand to kiss. King Giglio +slapped him most kindly on the back, and said, 'Bulbo, my boy, +I am delighted, for your sake, that Her Majesty has arrived.' + +'So am I,' said Bulbo; 'and YOU KNOW WHY.' Captain Hedzoff +here came up. 'Sire, it is half-past eight: shall we proceed +with the execution? ' + +'Execution! what for?' asked Bulbo. + +'An officer only knows his orders,' replied Captain Hedzoff, +showing his warrant, on which His Majesty King Giglio smilingly +said, 'Prince Bulbo was reprieved this time,' and most +graciously invited him to breakfast. + + + +XVII. HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE TOOK PLACE, AND WHO WON IT + +As soon as King Padella heard, what we know already, that his +victim, the lovely Rosalba, had escaped him, His Majesty's fury +knew no bounds, and he pitched the Lord Chancellor, Lord +Chamberlain, and every officer of the Crown whom he could set +eyes on, into the cauldron of boiling oil prepared for the +Princess. Then he ordered out his whole army, horse, foot, and +artillery; and set forth at the head of an innumerable host, +and I should think twenty thousand drummers, trumpeters, and +fifers. + +King Giglio's advance guard, you may be sure, kept that monarch +acquainted with the enemy's dealings, and he was in nowise +disconcerted. He was much too polite to alarm the Princess, +his lovely guest, with any unnecessary rumours of battles +impending; on the contrary, he did everything to amuse and +divert her; gave her a most elegant breakfast, dinner, lunch, +and got up a ball for her that evening, when he danced with her +every single dance. + +Poor Bulbo was taken into favour again, and allowed to go quite +free now. He had new clothes given him, was called 'My good +cousin' by His Majesty, and was treated with the greatest +distinction by everybody. But it was easy to see he was very +melancholy. The fact is, the sight of Betsinda, who looked +perfectly lovely in an elegant new dress, set poor Bulbo +frantic in love with her again. And he never thought about +Angelica, now Princess Bulbo, whom he had left at home, and +who, as we know, did not care much about him. + +The King, dancing the twenty-fifth polka with Rosalba, remarked +with wonder the ring she wore; and then Rosalba told him how +she had got it from Gruffanuff, who no doubt had picked it up +when Angelica flung it away. + +'Yes,' says the Fairy Blackstick, who had come to see the young +people, and who had very likely certain plans regarding them. +'That ring I gave the Queen, Giglio's mother, who was not, +saving your presence, a very wise woman; it is enchanted, and +whoever wears it looks beautiful in the eyes of the world, I +made poor Prince Bulbo, when he was christened, the present of +a rose which made him look handsome while he had it; but he +gave it to Angelica, who instantly looked beautiful again, +whilst Bulbo relapsed into his natural plainness.' + +'Rosalba needs no ring, I am sure,' says Giglio, with a low +bow. 'She is beautiful enough, in my eyes, without any +enchanted aid.' + +'Oh, sir!' said Rosalba. + +'Take off the ring and try,' said the King, and resolutely drew +the ring off her finger. In HIS eyes she looked just as +handsome as before! + +The King was thinking of throwing the ring away, as it was so +dangerous and made all the people so mad about Rosalba; but +being a Prince of great humour, and good humour too, he cast +eyes upon a poor youth who happened to be looking on very +disconsolately, and said-- + +'Bulbo, my poor lad! come and try on this ring. The Princess +Rosalba makes it a present to you.' + +The magic properties of this ring were uncommonly strong, for +no sooner had Bulbo put it on, but lo and behold, he appeared a +personable, agreeable young Prince enough--with a fine +complexion, fair hair, rather stout, and with bandy legs; but +these were encased in such a beautiful pair of yellow morocco +boots that nobody remarked them. And Bulbo's spirits rose up +almost immediately after he had looked in the glass, and he +talked to their Majesties in the most lively, agreeable manner, +and danced opposite the Queen with one of the prettiest maids +of honour, and after looking at Her Majesty, could not help +saying-- + +'How very odd! she is very pretty, but not so EXTRAORDINARILY +handsome.' + +'Oh no, by no means!' says the Maid of Honour. + +'But what care I, dear sir,' says the Queen, who overheard +them, 'if YOU think I am good-looking enough?' + +His Majesty's glance in reply to this affectionate speech was +such that no painter could draw it. And the Fairy Blackstick +said, 'Bless you, my darling children! Now you are united and +happy; and now you see what I said from the first, that a +little misfortune has done you both good. YOU, Giglio, had you +been bred in prosperity, would scarcely have learned to read or +write--you would have been idle and extravagant, and could not +have been a good King as now you will be. You, Rosalba, would +have been so flattered, that your little head might have been +turned like Angelica's, who thought herself too good for +Giglio.' + +'As if anybody could be good enough for HIM,' cried Rosalba. + +'Oh, you, you darling!' says Giglio. And so she was; and he +was just holding out his arms in order to give her a hug before +the whole company, when a messenger came rushing in, and said, +'My Lord, the enemy!' + +'To arms!' cries Giglio. + +'Oh, mercy!' says Rosalba, and fainted of course. + +He snatched one kiss from her lips, and rushed FORTH TO THE +FIELD of battle! + +The Fairy had provided King Giglio with a suit of armour, which +was not only embroidered all over with jewels, and blinding to +your eyes to look at, but was water-proof, gun-proof, and +sword-proof; so that in the midst of the very hottest battles +His Majesty rode about as calmly as if he had been a British +Grenadier at Alma. Were I engaged in fighting for my country, +_I_ should like such a suit of armour as Prince Giglio wore; +but, you know, he was a Prince of a fairy tale, and they always +have these wonderful things. + +Besides the fairy armour, the Prince had a fairy horse, which +would gallop at any pace you pleased; and a fairy sword, which +would lengthen and run through a whole regiment of enemies at +once. With such a weapon at command, I wonder, for my part, he +thought of ordering his army out; but forth they all came, in +magnificent new uniforms, Hedzoff and the Prince's two college +friends each commanding a division, and His Majesty prancing in +person at the head of them all. + +Ah! if I had the pen of a Sir Archibald Alison, my dear +friends, would I not now entertain you with the account of a +most tremendous shindy? Should not fine blows be struck? +dreadful wounds be delivered? arrows darken the air? cannon +balls crash through the battalions? cavalry charge infantry? +infantry pitch into cavalry? bugles blow; drums beat; horses +neigh; fifes sing; soldiers roar, swear, hurray; officers shout +out 'Forward, my men!' 'This way, lads!' 'Give it 'em, boys!' +'Fight for King Giglio, and the cause of right!' 'King Padella +for ever!' Would I not describe all this, I say, and in the +very finest language too? But this humble pen does not possess +the skill necessary for the description of combats. In a word, +the overthrow of King Padella's army was so complete, that if +they had been Russians you could not have wished them to be +more utterly smashed and confounded. + +As for that usurping monarch, having performed acts of velour +much more considerable than could be expected of a royal +ruffian and usurper, who had such a bad cause, and who was so +cruel to women,--as for King Padella, I say, when his army ran +away, the King ran away too, kicking his first general, Prince +Punchikoff, from his saddle, and galloping away on the Prince's +horse, having, indeed, had twenty-five or twenty-six of his own +shot under him. Hedzoff coming up, and finding Punchikoff +down, as you may imagine, very speedily disposed of HIM. +Meanwhile King Padella was scampering off as hard as his horse +could lay legs to ground. Fast as he scampered, I promise you +somebody else galloped faster; and that individual, as no doubt +you are aware, was the Royal Giglio, who kept bawling out, +'Stay, traitor! Turn, miscreant, and defend thyself! Stand, +tyrant, coward, ruffian, royal wretch, till I cut thy ugly head +from thy usurping shoulders!' And, with his fairy sword, which +elongated itself at will, His Majesty kept poking and prodding +Padella in the back, until that wicked monarch roared with +anguish. + +When he was fairly brought to bay, Padella turned and dealt +Prince Giglio a prodigious crack over the sconce with his +battle-axe, a most enormous weapon, which had cut down I don't +know how many regiments in the course of the afternoon. But, +Law bless you! though the blow fell right down on His Majesty's +helmet, it made no more impression than if Padella had struck +him with a pat of butter: his battle-axe crumpled up in +Padella's hand, and the Royal Giglio laughed for very scorn at +the impotent efforts of that atrocious usurper. + +At the ill success of his blow the Crim Tartar monarch was +justly irritated. 'If,' says he to Giglio, 'you ride a fairy +horse, and wear fairy armour, what on earth is the use of my +hitting you? I may as well give myself up a prisoner at once. +Your Majesty won't, I suppose, be so mean as to strike a poor +fellow who can't strike again?' + +The justice of Padella's remark struck the magnanimous Giglio. +'Do you yield yourself a prisoner, Padella?' says he. + +'Of course I do,' says Padella. + +'Do you acknowledge Rosalba as your rightful Queen, and give up +the crown and all your treasures to your rightful mistress?' + +'If I must, I must,' says Padella, who was naturally very +sulky. + +By this time King Giglio's aides-de-camp had come up, whom His +Majesty ordered to bind the prisoner. And they tied his hands +behind him, and bound his legs tight under his horse, having +set him with his face to the tail; and in this fashion he was +led back to King Giglio's quarters, and thrust into the very +dungeon where young Bulbo had been confined. + +Padella (who was a very different person in the depth of his +distress, to Padella, the proud wearer of the Crim Tartar +crown), now most affectionately and earnestly asked to see his +son--his dear eldest boy--his darling Bulbo; and that +good-natured young man never once reproached his haughty parent +for his unkind conduct the day before, when he would have left +Bulbo to be shot without any pity, but came to see his father, +and spoke to him through the grating of the door, beyond which +he was not allowed to go; and brought him some sandwiches from +the grand supper which His Majesty was giving above stairs, in +honour of the brilliant victory which had just been achieved. + +'I cannot stay with you long, sir,' says Bulbo, who was in his +best ball dress, as he handed his father in the prog, 'I am +engaged to dance the next quadrille with Her Majesty Queen +Rosalba, and I hear the fiddles playing at this very moment.' + +So Bulbo went back to the ball-room and the wretched Padella +ate his solitary supper in silence and tears. + +All was now joy in King Giglio's circle. Dancing, feasting, +fun, illuminations, and jollifications of all sorts ensued. +The people through whose villages they passed were ordered to +illuminate their cottages at night, and scatter flowers on the +roads during the day. They were requested, and I promise you +they did not like to refuse, to serve the troops liberally with +eatables and wine; besides, the army was enriched by the +immense quantity of plunder which was found in King Padella's +camp, and taken from his soldiers; who (after they had given up +everything) were allowed to fraternise with the conquerors; and +the united forces marched back by easy stages towards King +Giglio's capital, his royal banner and that of Queen Rosalba +being carried in front of the troops. Hedzoff was made a Duke +and a FieldMarshal. Smith and Jones were promoted to be Earls; +the Crim Tartar Order of the Pumpkin and the Paflagonian +decoration of the Cucumber were freely distributed by their +Majesties to the army. Queen Rosalba wore the Paflagonian +Ribbon of the Cucumber across her riding-habit, whilst King +Giglio never appeared without the grand Cordon of the Pumpkin. +How the people cheered them as they rode along side by side! +They were pronounced to be the handsomest couple ever seen: +that was a matter of course; but they really WERE very +handsome, and, had they been otherwise, would have looked so, +they were so happy! Their Majesties were never separated +during the whole day, but breakfasted, dined, and supped +together always, and rode side by side, interchanging elegant +compliments, and indulging in the most delightful conversation. +At night, Her Majesty's ladies of honour (who had all rallied +round her the day after King Padella's defeat) came and +conducted her to the apartments prepared for her; whilst King +Giglio, surrounded by his gentlemen, withdrew to his own Royal +quarters. It was agreed they should be married as soon as they +reached the capital, and orders were dispatched to the +Archbishop of Blombodinga, to hold himself in readiness to +perform the interesting ceremony. Duke Hedzoff carried the +message, and gave instructions to have the Royal Castle +splendidly refurnished and painted afresh. The Duke seized +Glumboso, the Ex-Prime Minister, and made him refund that +considerable sum of money which the old scoundrel had secreted +out of the late King's treasure. He also clapped Valoroso into +prison (who, by the way, had been dethroned for some +considerable period past), and when the Ex-Monarch weakly +remonstrated, Hedzoff said, 'A soldier, sir, knows but his +duty; my orders are to lock you up along with the Ex-King +Padella, whom I have brought hither a prisoner under guard.' +So these two Ex-Royal personages were sent for a year to the +House of Correction, and thereafter were obliged to become +monks of the severest Order of Flagellants, in which state, by +fasting, by vigils, by flogging (which they administered to one +another, humbly but resolutely), no doubt they exhibited a +repentance for their past misdeeds, usurpations, and private +and public crimes. + +As for Glumboso, that rogue was sent to the galleys, and never +had an opportunity to steal any more. + + + +XVIII. HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL + +The Fairy Blackstick, by whose means this young King and Queen +had certainly won their respective crowns back, would come not +unfrequently, to pay them a little visit--as they were riding +in their triumphal progress towards Giglio's capital--change +her wand into a pony, and travel by their Majesties' side, +giving them the very best advice. I am not sure that King +Giglio did not think the Fairy and her advice rather a bore, +fancying it was his own velour and merits which had put him on +his throne, and conquered Padella: and, in fine, I fear he +rather gave himself airs towards his best friend and patroness. +She exhorted him to deal justly by his subjects, to draw mildly +on the taxes, never to break his promise when he had once given +it--and in all respects to be a good King. + +'A good King, my dear Fairy!' cries Rosalba. 'Of course he +will. Break his promise! can you fancy my Giglio would ever do +anything so improper, so unlike him? No! never!' And she +looked fondly towards Giglio, whom she thought a pattern of +perfection. + +'Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and telling me how +to manage my government, and warning me to keep my word? Does +she suppose that I am not a man of sense, and a man of honour?' +asks Giglio testily. 'Methinks she rather presumes upon her +position.' + +'Hush! dear Giglio,' says Rosalba. 'You know Blackstick has +been very kind to us, and we must not offend her.' But the +Fairy was not listening to Giglio's testy observations, she had +fallen back, and was trotting on her pony now, by Master +Bulbo's side, who rode a donkey, and made himself generally +beloved in the army by his cheerfulness, kindness, and +good-humour to everybody. He was eager to see his darling +Angelica. He thought there never was such a charming being. +Blackstick did not tell him it was the possession of the magic +rose that made Angelica so lovely in his eyes. She brought him +the very best accounts of his little wife, whose misfortunes +and humiliations had indeed very greatly improved her; and, you +see, she could whisk off on her wand a hundred miles in a +minute, and be back in no time, and so carry polite messages +from Bulbo to Angelica, and from Angelica to Bulbo, and comfort +that young man upon his journey. + +When the Royal party arrived at the last stage before you reach +Blombodinga, who should be in waiting, in her carriage there +with her lady of honour by her side, but the Princess Angelica! +She rushed into her husband's arms, scarcely stopping to make a +passing curtsey to the King and Queen. She had no eyes but for +Bulbo, who appeared perfectly lovely to her on account of the +fairy ring which he wore; whilst she herself, wearing the magic +rose in her bonnet, seemed entirely beautiful to the enraptured +Bulbo. + +A splendid luncheon was served to the Royal party, of which the +Archbishop, the Chancellor, Duke Hedzoff, Countess Gruffanuff, +and all our friends partook, the Fairy Blackstick being seated +on the left of King Giglio, with Bulbo and Angelica beside her. +You could hear the joy-bells ringing in the capital, and the +guns which the citizens were firing off in honour of their +Majesties. + +'What can have induced that hideous old Gruffanuff to dress +herself up in such an absurd way? Did you ask her to be your +bridesmaid, my dear?' says Giglio to Rosalba. 'What a figure +of fun Gruffy is!' + +Gruffy was seated opposite their Majesties, between the +Archbishop and the Lord Chancellor, and a figure of fun she +certainly was, for she was dressed in a low white silk dress, +with lace over, a wreath of white roses on her wig, a splendid +lace veil, and her yellow old neck was covered with diamonds. +She ogled the King in such a manner that His Majesty burst out +laughing. + +'Eleven o'clock!' cries Giglio, as the great Cathedral bell of +Blombodinga tolled that hour. 'Gentlemen and ladies, we must +be starting. Archbishop, you must be at church, I think, +before twelve?' + +'We must be at church before twelve,' sighs out Gruffanuff in a +languishing voice, hiding her old face behind her fan. + +'And then I shall be the happiest man in my dominions,' cries +Giglio, with an elegant bow to the blushing Rosalba. + +'Oh, my Giglio! Oh, my dear Majesty!' exclaims Gruffanuff; 'and +can it be that this happy moment at length has arrived--' + +'Of course it has arrived,' says the King. + +'--and that I am about to become the enraptured bride of my +adored Giglio!' continues Gruffanuff. 'Lend me a +smelling-bottle, somebody. I certainly shall faint with joy.' + +'YOU my bride?' roars out Giglio. + +'YOU marry my Prince?' cried poor little Rosalba. + +'Pooh! Nonsense! The woman's mad!' exclaims the King. And all +the courtiers exhibited by their countenances and expressions, +marks of surprise, or ridicule, or incredulity, or wonder. + +'I should like to know who else is going to be married, if I am +not?' shrieks out Gruffanuff. 'I should like to know if King +Giglio is a gentleman, and if there is such a thing as justice +in Paflagonia? Lord Chancellor! my Lord Archbishop! will your +Lordships sit by and see a poor, fond, confiding, tender +creature put upon? Has not Prince Giglio promised to marry his +Barbara? Is not this Giglio's signature? Does not this paper +declare that he is mine, and only mine?' And she handed to his +Grace the Archbishop the document which the Prince signed that +evening when she wore the magic ring, and Giglio drank so much +champagne. And the old Archbishop, taking out his eyeglasses, +read-- "'This is to give notice, that I, Giglio, only son of +Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby promise to marry the charming +Barbara Griselda, Countess Gruffanuff, and widow of the late +Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq." + +'H'm,' says the Archbishop, 'the document is certainly a--a +document.' + +'Phoo!' says the Lord Chancellor, 'the signature is not in His +Majesty's handwriting.' Indeed, since his studies at Bosforo, +Giglio had made an immense improvement in caligraphy. + +'Is it your handwriting, Giglio?' cries the Fairy Blackstick, +with an awful severity of countenance. + +'Y--y--y--es,' poor Giglio gasps out, 'I had quite forgotten +the confounded paper: she can't mean to hold me by it. You +old wretch, what will you take to let me off? Help the Queen, +some one--Her Majesty has fainted.' + + 'Chop her head off!'} exclaim the impetuous + 'Smother the old witch!' } Hedzoff, the ardent Smith, and +'Pitch her into the river!'} the faithful Jones. + +But Gruffanuff flung her arms round the Archbishop's neck, and +bellowed out, 'Justice, justice, my Lord Chancellor!' so +loudly, that her piercing shrieks caused everybody to pause. +As for Rosalba, she was borne away lifeless by her ladies; and +you may imagine the look of agony which Giglio cast towards +that lovely being, as his hope, his joy, his darling, his all +in all, was thus removed, and in her place the horrid old +Gruffanuff rushed up to his side, and once more shrieked out, +'Justice, justice!' + +'Won't you take that sum of money which Glumboso hid?' says +Giglio; 'two hundred and eighteen thousand millions, or +thereabouts. It's a handsome sum.' + +'I will have that and you too!' says Gruffanuff. + +'Let us throw the crown jewels into the bargain,' gasps out +Giglio. + +'I will wear them by my Giglio's side!' says Gruffanuff. + +'Will half, three-quarters, five-sixths, nineteen-twentieths, +of my kingdom do, Countess?' asks the trembling monarch. + +'What were all Europe to me without YOU, my Giglio?' cries +Gruff, kissing his hand. + +'I won't, I can't, I shan't,--I'll resign the crown first,' +shouts Giglio, tearing away his hand; but Gruff clung to it. + +'I have a competency, my love,' she says, 'and with thee and a +cottage thy Barbara will be happy.' + +Giglio was half mad with rage by this time. 'I will not marry +her,' says he. 'Oh, Fairy, Fairy, give me counsel?' And as he +spoke he looked wildly round at the severe face of the Fairy +Blackstick. + +"'Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and warning me to +keep my word? Does she suppose that I am not a man of +honour?"' said the Fairy, quoting Giglio's own haughty words. +He quailed under the brightness of her eyes; he felt that there +was no escape for him from that awful inquisition. + +'Well, Archbishop,' said he in a dreadful voice, that made his +Grace start, 'since this Fairy has led me to the height of +happiness but to dash me down into the depths of despair, since +I am to lose Rosalba, let me at least keep my honour. Get up, +Countess, and let us be married; I can keep my word, but I can +die afterwards.' + +'Oh, dear Giglio,' cries Gruffanuff, skipping up, 'I knew, I +knew I could trust thee--I knew that my Prince was the soul of +honour. Jump into your carriages, ladies and gentlemen, and +let us go to church at once; and as for dying, dear Giglio, no, +no:--thou wilt forget that insignificant little chambermaid of +a Queen--thou wilt live to be consoled by thy Barbara! She +wishes to be a Queen, and not a Queen Dowager, my gracious +Lord!' And hanging upon poor Giglio's arm, and leering and +grinning in his face in the most disgusting manner, this old +wretch tripped off in her white satin shoes, and jumped into +the very carriage which had been got ready to convey Giglio and +Rosalba to church. The cannons roared again, the bells pealed +triple-bobmajors, the people came out flinging flowers upon the +path of the royal bride and bridegroom, and Gruff looked out of +the gilt coach window and bowed and grinned to them. Phoo! the +horrid old wretch! + + + +XIX. AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST SCENE IN THE PANTOMIME + +The many ups and downs of her life had given the Princess +Rosalba prodigious strength of mind, and that highly principled +young woman presently recovered from her fainting-fit, out of +which Fairy Blackstick, by a precious essence which the Fairy +always carried in her pocket, awakened her. Instead of tearing +her hair, crying, and bemoaning herself, and fainting again, as +many young women would have done, Rosalba remembered that she +owed an example of firmness to her subjects; and though she +loved Giglio more than her life, was determined, as she told +the Fairy, not to interfere between him and justice, or to +cause him to break his royal word. + +'I cannot marry him, but I shall love him always,' says she to +Blackstick; 'I will go and be present at his marriage with the +Countess, and sign the book, and wish them happy with all my +heart. I will see, when I get home, whether I cannot make the +new Queen some handsome presents. The Crim Tartary crown +diamonds are uncommonly fine, and I shall never have any use +for them. I will live and die unmarried like Queen Elizabeth, +and, of course, I shall leave my crown to Giglio when I quit +this world. Let us go and see them married, my dear Fairy, let +me say one last farewell to him; and then, if you please, I +will return to my own dominions.' + +So the Fairy kissed Rosalba with peculiar tenderness, and at +once changed her wand into a very comfortable coach-and-four, +with a steady coachman, and two respectable footmen behind, and +the Fairy and Rosalba got into the coach, which Angelica and +Bulbo entered after them. As for honest Bulbo, he was +blubbering in the most pathetic manner, quite overcome by +Rosalba's misfortune. She was touched by the honest fellow's +sympathy, promised to restore to him the confiscated estates of +Duke Padella his father, and created him, as he sat there in +the coach, Prince, Highness, and First Grandee of the Crim +Tartar Empire. The coach moved on, and, being a fairy coach, +soon came up with the bridal procession. + +Before the ceremony at church it was the custom in Paflagonia, +as it is in other countries, for the bride and bridegroom to +sign the Contract of Marriage, which was to be witnessed by +the Chancellor, Minister, Lord Mayor, and principal officers of +state. Now, as the royal palace was being painted and +furnished anew, it was not ready for the reception of the King +and his bride, who proposed at first to take up their residence +at the Prince's palace, that one which Valoroso occupied when +Angelica was born, and before he usurped the throne. + +So the marriage party drove up to the palace: the dignitaries +got out of their carriages and stood aside: poor Rosalba +stepped out of her coach, supported by Bulbo, and stood almost +fainting up against the railings so as to have a last look of +her dear Giglio. As for Blackstick, she, according to her +custom, had flown out of the coach window in some inscrutable +manner, and was now standing at the palace door. + +Giglio came up the steps with his horrible bride on his arm, +looking as pale as if he was going to execution. He only +frowned at the Fairy Blackstick--he was angry with her, and +thought she came to insult his misery. + +'Get out of the way, pray,' says Gruffanuff haughtily. 'I +wonder why you are always poking your nose into other people's +affairs?' + +'Are you determined to make this poor young man unhappy?' says +Blackstick. + +'To marry him, yes! What business is it of yours? Pray, +madam, don't say "you" to a Queen,' cries Gruffanuff. + +'You won't take the money he offered you?' + +'No.' + +'You won't let him off his bargain, though you know you cheated +him when you made him sign the paper?' + +'Impudence! Policemen, remove this woman!' cries Gruffanuff. +And the policemen were rushing forward, but with a wave of her +wand the Fairy struck them all like so many statues in their +places. + +'You won't take anything in exchange for your bond, Mrs. +Gruffanuff,' cries the Fairy, with awful severity. 'I speak +for the last time.' + +'No!' shrieks Gruffanuff, stamping with her foot. 'I'll have +my husband, my husband, my husband!' + +'YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR HUSBAND!' the Fairy Blackstick cried; and +advancing a step, laid her hand upon the nose of the KNOCKER. + +As she touched it, the brass nose seemed to elongate, the open +mouth opened still wider, and uttered a roar which made +everybody start. The eyes rolled wildly; the arms and legs +uncurled themselves, writhed about, and seemed to lengthen +with each twist; the knocker expanded into a figure in yellow +livery, six feet high; the screws by which it was fixed to the +door unloosed themselves, and JENKINS GRUFFANUFF once more trod +the threshold off which he had been lifted more than twenty +years ago! + +'Master's not at home,' says Jenkins, just in his old voice; +and Mrs. Jenkins, giving a dreadful YOUP, fell down in a fit, +in which nobody minded her. + +For everybody was shouting, 'Huzzay! huzzay!' 'Hip, hip, +hurray!' 'Long live the King and Queen!' 'Were such things ever +seen?' 'No, never, never, never!' 'The Fairy Blackstick for +ever!' + +The bells were ringing double peals, the guns roaring and +banging most prodigiously. Bulbo was embracing everybody; the +Lord Chancellor was flinging up his wig and shouting like a +madman; Hedzoff had got the Archbishop round the waist, and +they were dancing a jig for joy; and as for Giglio, I leave you +to imagine what HE was doing, and if he kissed Rosalba once, +twice--twenty thousand times, I'm sure I don't think he was +wrong. + +So Gruffanuff opened the hall door with a low bow, just as he +had been accustomed to do, and they all went in and signed the +book, and then they went to church and were married, and the +Fairy Blackstick sailed away on her cane, and was never more +heard of in Paflagonia. + +and here ends the Fireside Pantomime. + + + + + +End Project Gutenberg Etext of The Rose and the Ring + diff --git a/old/rsrng10.zip b/old/rsrng10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7bb2e4f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/rsrng10.zip |