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diff --git a/897-h/897-h.htm b/897-h/897-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dbe246a --- /dev/null +++ b/897-h/897-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4354 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Rose and the Ring, by William Makepeace Thackeray + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +Project Gutenberg's The Rose and the Ring, by William Makepeace Thackeray + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Rose and the Ring + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +Release Date: February 5, 2006 [EBook #897] +Last Updated: September 27, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROSE AND THE RING *** + + + + +Produced by Dianne Bean and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE ROSE AND THE RING + </h1> + <h2> + by William Makepeace Thackeray + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + PRELUDE + </h2> + <p> + It happened that the undersigned spent the last Christmas season in a + foreign city where there were many English children. + </p> + <p> + In that city, if you wanted to give a child’s party, you could not even + get a magic-lantern or buy Twelfth-Night characters—those funny + painted pictures of the King, the Queen, the Lover, the Lady, the Dandy, + the Captain, and so on—with which our young ones are wont to + recreate themselves at this festive time. + </p> + <p> + My friend Miss Bunch, who was governess of a large family that lived in + the Piano Nobile of the house inhabited by myself and my young charges (it + was the Palazzo Poniatowski at Rome, and Messrs. Spillmann, two of the + best pastrycooks in Christendom, have their shop on the ground floor): + Miss Bunch, I say, begged me to draw a set of Twelfth-Night characters for + the amusement of our young people. + </p> + <p> + She is a lady of great fancy and droll imagination, and having looked at + the characters, she and I composed a history about them, which was recited + to the little folks at night, and served as our FIRESIDE PANTOMIME. + </p> + <p> + Our juvenile audience was amused by the adventures of Giglio and Bulbo, + Rosalba and Angelica. I am bound to say the fate of the Hall Porter + created a considerable sensation; and the wrath of Countess Gruffanuff was + received with extreme pleasure. + </p> + <p> + If these children are pleased, thought I, why should not others be amused + also? In a few days Dr. Birch’s young friends will be expected to + reassemble at Rodwell Regis, where they will learn everything that is + useful, and under the eyes of careful ushers continue the business of + their little lives. + </p> + <p> + But, in the meanwhile, and for a brief holiday, let us laugh and be as + pleasant as we can. And you elder folk—a little joking, and dancing, + and fooling will do even you no harm. The author wishes you a merry + Christmas, and welcomes you to the Fireside Pantomime. + </p> + <p> + W. M. THACKERAY. December 1854. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> PRELUDE </a><br /><br /> <a + href="#link2H_4_0002"> THE ROSE AND THE RING </a><br /> <br /> <br /> <a + href="#link2H_4_0003"> I. </a> SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY + SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> II. </a> HOW + KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT WITHOUT <br /><br /> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> III. </a> TELLS WHO THE FAIRY + BLACKSTICK WAS <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> IV. </a> HOW + BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA’S CHRISTENING <br /><br /> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> V. </a> HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK + A LITTLE MAID <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> VI. </a> HOW + PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> VII. + </a> HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL <br /><br /> <a + href="#link2H_4_0010"> VIII. </a> HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE + FAIRY RING UP <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> IX. </a> HOW + BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING PAN <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> X. + </a> HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION <br /><br /> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> XI. </a> WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO + GIGLIO AND BETSINDA <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> XII. </a> HOW + BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> + XIII. </a> HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD + COUNT HOGGINARMO <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> XIV. </a> WHAT + BECAME OF GIGLIO <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> XV. </a> WE + RETURN TO ROSALBA <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> XVI. </a> HOW + HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO <br /><br /> <a + href="#link2H_4_0019"> XVII. </a> HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE + TOOK PLACE, AND WHO WON IT <br /><br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0020"> XVIII. + </a> HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL <br /><br /> <a + href="#link2H_4_0021"> XIX. </a> AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST + SCENE IN THE PANTOMIME + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE ROSE AND THE RING + </h2> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I. SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST + </h2> + <p> + This is Valoroso XXIV., King of Paflagonia, seated with his Queen and only + child at their royal breakfast-table, and receiving the letter which + announces to His Majesty a proposed visit from Prince Bulbo, heir of + Padella, reigning King of Crim Tartary. Remark the delight upon the + monarch’s royal features. He is so absorbed in the perusal of the King of + Crim Tartary’s letter, that he allows his eggs to get cold, and leaves his + august muffins untasted. + </p> + <p> + ‘What! that wicked, brave, delightful Prince Bulbo!’ cries Princess + Angelica; ‘so handsome, so accomplished, so witty—the conqueror of + Rimbombamento, where he slew ten thousand giants!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who told you of him, my dear?’ asks His Majesty. + </p> + <p> + ‘A little bird,’ says Angelica. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poor Giglio!’ says mamma, pouring out the tea. + </p> + <p> + ‘Bother Giglio!’ cries Angelica, tossing up her head, which rustled with a + thousand curl-papers. + </p> + <p> + ‘I wish,’ growls the King—‘I wish Giglio was. . .’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Was better? Yes, dear, he is better,’ says the Queen. ‘Angelica’s little + maid, Betsinda, told me so when she came to my room this morning with my + early tea.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are always drinking tea,’ said the monarch, with a scowl. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is better than drinking port or brandy and water;’ replies Her + Majesty. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well, my dear, I only said you were fond of drinking tea,’ said the + King of Paflagonia, with an effort as if to command his temper. ‘Angelica! + I hope you have plenty of new dresses; your milliners’ bills are long + enough. My dear Queen, you must see and have some parties. I prefer + dinners, but of course you will be for balls. Your everlasting blue velvet + quite tires me: and, my love, I should like you to have a new necklace. + Order one. Not more than a hundred or a hundred and fifty thousand + pounds.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And Giglio, dear?’ says the Queen. + </p> + <p> + ‘GIGLIO MAY GO TO THE—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, sir,’ screams Her Majesty. ‘Your own nephew! our late King’s only + son.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Giglio may go to the tailor’s, and order the bills to be sent in to + Glumboso to pay. Confound him! I mean bless his dear heart. He need want + for nothing; give him a couple of guineas for pocket-money, my dear; and + you may as well order yourself bracelets while you are about the necklace, + Mrs. V.’ + </p> + <p> + Her Majesty, or MRS. V., as the monarch facetiously called her (for even + royalty will have its sport, and this august family were very much + attached), embraced her husband, and, twining her arm round her daughter’s + waist, they quitted the breakfast-room in order to make all things ready + for the princely stranger. + </p> + <p> + When they were gone, the smile that had lighted up the eyes of the HUSBAND + and FATHER fled—the pride of the KING fled—the MAN was alone. + Had I the pen of a G. P. R. James, I would describe Valoroso’s torments in + the choicest language; in which I would also depict his flashing eye, his + distended nostril—his dressing-gown, pocket-handkerchief, and boots. + But I need not say I have NOT the pen of that novelist; suffice it to say, + Valoroso was alone. + </p> + <p> + He rushed to the cupboard, seizing from the table one of the many egg-cups + with which his princely board was served for the matin meal, drew out a + bottle of right Nantz or Cognac, filled and emptied the cup several times, + and laid it down with a hoarse ‘Ha, ha, ha! now Valoroso is a man again!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But oh!’ he went on (still sipping, I am sorry to say), ‘ere I was a + king, I needed not this intoxicating draught; once I detested the hot + brandy wine, and quaffed no other fount but nature’s rill. It dashes not + more quickly o’er the rocks than I did, as, with blunderbuss in hand, I + brushed away the early morning dew, and shot the partridge, snipe, or + antlered deer! Ah! well may England’s dramatist remark, “Uneasy lies the + head that wears a crown!” Why did I steal my nephew’s, my young Giglio’s—? + Steal! said I? no, no, no, not steal, not steal. Let me withdraw that + odious expression. I took, and on my manly head I set, the royal crown of + Paflagonia; I took, and with my royal arm I wield, the sceptral rod of + Paflagonia; I took, and in my outstretched hand I hold, the royal orb of + Paflagonia! Could a poor boy, a snivelling, drivelling boy—was in + his nurse’s arms but yesterday, and cried for sugarplums and puled for pap—bear + up the awful weight of crown, orb, sceptre? gird on the sword my royal + fathers wore, and meet in fight the tough Crimean foe?’ + </p> + <p> + And then the monarch went on to argue in his own mind (though we need not + say that blank verse is not argument) that what he had got it was his duty + to keep, and that, if at one time he had entertained ideas of a certain + restitution, which shall be nameless, the prospect by a CERTAIN MARRIAGE + of uniting two crowns and two nations which had been engaged in bloody and + expensive wars, as the Paflagonians and the Crimeans had been, put the + idea of Giglio’s restoration to the throne out of the question: nay, were + his own brother, King Savio, alive, he would certainly will the crown from + his own son in order to bring about such a desirable union. + </p> + <p> + Thus easily do we deceive ourselves! Thus do we fancy what we wish is + right! The King took courage, read the papers, finished his muffins and + eggs, and rang the bell for his Prime Minister. The Queen, after thinking + whether she should go up and see Giglio, who had been sick, thought ‘Not + now. Business first; pleasure afterwards. I will go and see dear Giglio + this afternoon; and now I will drive to the jeweller’s, to look for the + necklace and bracelets.’ The Princess went up into her own room, and made + Betsinda, her maid, bring out all her dresses; and as for Giglio, they + forgot him as much as I forget what I had for dinner last Tuesday + twelve-month. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II. HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT WITHOUT + </h2> + <p> + Paflagonia, ten or twenty thousand years ago, appears to have been one of + those kingdoms where the laws of succession were not settled; for when + King Savio died, leaving his brother Regent of the kingdom, and guardian + of Savio’s orphan infant, this unfaithful regent took no sort of regard of + the late monarch’s will; had himself proclaimed sovereign of Paflagonia + under the title of King Valoroso XXIV., had a most splendid coronation, + and ordered all the nobles of the kingdom to pay him homage. So long as + Valoroso gave them plenty of balls at Court, plenty of money and lucrative + places, the Paflagonian nobility did not care who was king; and as for the + people, in those early times, they were equally indifferent. The Prince + Giglio, by reason of his tender age at his royal father’s death, did not + feel the loss of his crown and empire. As long as he had plenty of toys + and sweetmeats, a holiday five times a week and a horse and gun to go out + shooting when he grew a little older, and, above all, the company of his + darling cousin, the King’s only child, poor Giglio was perfectly + contented; nor did he envy his uncle the royal robes and sceptre, the + great hot uncomfortable throne of state, and the enormous cumbersome crown + in which that monarch appeared from morning till night. King Valoroso’s + portrait has been left to us; and I think you will agree with me that he + must have been sometimes RATHER TIRED of his velvet, and his diamonds, and + his ermine, and his grandeur. I shouldn’t like to sit in that stifling + robe with such a thing as that on my head. + </p> + <p> + No doubt, the Queen must have been lovely in her youth; for though she + grew rather stout in after life, yet her features, as shown in her + portrait, are certainly PLEASING. If she was fond of flattery, scandal, + cards, and fine clothes, let us deal gently with her infirmities, which, + after all, may be no greater than our own. She was kind to her nephew; and + if she had any scruples of conscience about her husband’s taking the young + Prince’s crown, consoled herself by thinking that the King, though a + usurper, was a most respectable man, and that at his death Prince Giglio + would be restored to his throne, and share it with his cousin, whom he + loved so fondly. + </p> + <p> + The Prime Minister was Glumboso, an old statesman, who most cheerfully + swore fidelity to King Valoroso, and in whose hands the monarch left all + the affairs of his kingdom. All Valoroso wanted was plenty of money, + plenty of hunting, plenty of flattery, and as little trouble as possible. + As long as he had his sport, this monarch cared little how his people paid + for it: he engaged in some wars, and of course the Paflagonian newspapers + announced that he had gained prodigious victories: he had statues erected + to himself in every city of the empire; and of course his pictures placed + everywhere, and in all the print-shops: he was Valoroso the Magnanimous, + Valoroso the Victorious, Valoroso the Great, and so forth;—for even + in these early times courtiers and people knew how to flatter. + </p> + <p> + This royal pair had one only child, the Princess Angelica, who, you may be + sure, was a paragon in the courtiers’ eyes, in her parents’, and in her + own. It was said she had the longest hair, the largest eyes, the slimmest + waist, the smallest foot, and the most lovely complexion of any young lady + in the Paflagonian dominions. Her accomplishments were announced to be + even superior to her beauty; and governesses used to shame their idle + pupils by telling them what Princess Angelica could do. She could play the + most difficult pieces of music at sight. She could answer any one of + Mangnall’s Questions. She knew every date in the history of Paflagonia, + and every other country. She knew French, English, Italian, German, + Spanish, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, Cappadocian, Samothracian, Aegean, and Crim + Tartar. In a word, she was a most accomplished young creature; and her + governess and lady-in-waiting was the severe Countess Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruffanuff must have been a + person of highest birth? She looks so haughty that I should have thought + her a princess at the very least, with a pedigree reaching as far back as + the Deluge. But this lady was no better born than many other ladies who + give themselves airs; and all sensible people laughed at her absurd + pretensions. The fact is, she had been maid-servant to the Queen when Her + Majesty was only Princess, and her husband had been head footman; but + after his death or DISAPPEARANCE, of which you shall hear presently, this + Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and wheedling her royal + mistress, became a favourite with the Queen (who was rather a weak woman), + and Her Majesty gave her a title, and made her nursery governess to the + Princess. + </p> + <p> + And now I must tell you about the Princess’s learning and accomplishments, + for which she had such a wonderful character. Clever Angelica certainly + was, but as IDLE as POSSIBLE. Play at sight, indeed! she could play one or + two pieces, and pretend that she had never seen them before; she could + answer half a dozen Mangnall’s Questions; but then you must take care to + ask the RIGHT ones. As for her languages, she had masters in plenty, but I + doubt whether she knew more than a few phrases in each, for all her + presence; and as for her embroidery and her drawing, she showed beautiful + specimens, it is true, but WHO DID THEM? + </p> + <p> + This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must go back ever so + far, and tell you about the FAIRY BLACKSTICK. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO MANY GRAND + PERSONAGES BESIDES + </h2> + <p> + Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tartary, there lived a + mysterious personage, who was known in those countries as the Fairy + Blackstick, from the ebony wand or crutch which she carried; on which she + rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other excursions of business or + pleasure, and with which she performed her wonders. + </p> + <p> + When she was young, and had been first taught the art of conjuring by the + necromancer, her father, she was always practicing her skill, whizzing + about from one kingdom to another upon her black stick, and conferring her + fairy favours upon this Prince or that. She had scores of royal + godchildren; turned numberless wicked people into beasts, birds, + millstones, clocks, pumps, boot jacks, umbrellas, or other absurd shapes; + and, in a word, was one of the most active and officious of the whole + College of fairies. + </p> + <p> + But after two or three thousand years of this sport, I suppose Blackstick + grew tired of it. Or perhaps she thought, ‘What good am I doing by sending + this Princess to sleep for a hundred years? by fixing a black pudding on + to that booby’s nose? by causing diamonds and pearls to drop from one + little girl’s mouth, and vipers and toads from another’s? I begin to think + I do as much harm as good by my performances. I might as well shut my + incantations up, and allow things to take their natural course. + </p> + <p> + ‘There were my two young goddaughters, King Savio’s wife, and Duke + Padella’s wife, I gave them each a present, which was to render them + charming in the eyes of their husbands, and secure the affection of those + gentlemen as long as they lived. What good did my Rose and my Ring do + these two women? None on earth. From having all their whims indulged by + their husbands, they became capricious, lazy, ill-humoured, absurdly vain, + and leered and languished, and fancied themselves irresistibly beautiful, + when they were really quite old and hideous, the ridiculous creatures! + They used actually to patronise me when I went to pay them a visit—ME, + the Fairy Blackstick, who knows all the wisdom of the necromancers, and + could have turned them into baboons, and all their diamonds into strings + of onions, by a single wave of my rod!’ So she locked up her books in her + cupboard, declined further magical performances, and scarcely used her + wand at all except as a cane to walk about with. + </p> + <p> + So when Duke Padella’s lady had a little son (the Duke was at that time + only one of the principal noblemen in Crim Tartary), Blackstick, although + invited to the christening, would not so much as attend; but merely sent + her compliments and a silver papboat for the baby, which was really not + worth a couple of guineas. About the same time the Queen of Paflagonia + presented His Majesty with a son and heir; and guns were fired, the + capital illuminated, and no end of feasts ordained to celebrate the young + Prince’s birth. It was thought the fairy, who was asked to be his + godmother, would at least have presented him with an invisible jacket, a + flying horse, a Fortunatus’s purse, or some other valuable token of her + favour; but instead, Blackstick went up to the cradle of the child Giglio, + when everybody was admiring him and complimenting his royal papa and + mamma, and said, ‘My poor child, the best thing I can send you is a little + MISFORTUNE’; and this was all she would utter, to the disgust of Giglio’s + parents, who died very soon after, when Giglio’s uncle took the throne, as + we read in Chapter I. + </p> + <p> + In like manner, when CAVOLFIORE, King of Crim Tartary, had a christening + of his only child, ROSALBA, the Fairy Blackstick, who had been invited, + was not more gracious than in Prince Giglio’s case. Whilst everybody was + expatiating over the beauty of the darling child, and congratulating its + parents, the Fairy Blackstick looked very sadly at the baby and its + mother, and said, ‘My good woman (for the Fairy was very familiar, and no + more minded a Queen than a washerwoman)—my good woman, these people + who are following you will be the first to turn against you; and as for + this little lady, the best thing I can wish her is a LITTLE MISFORTUNE.’ + So she touched Rosalba with her black wand, looked severely at the + courtiers, motioned the Queen an adieu with her hand, and sailed slowly up + into the air out of the window. + </p> + <p> + When she was gone, the Court people, who had been awed and silent in her + presence, began to speak. ‘What an odious Fairy she is (they said)—a + pretty Fairy, indeed! Why, she went to the King of Paflagonia’s + christening, and pretended to do all sorts of things for that family; and + what has happened—the Prince, her godson, has been turned off his + throne by his uncle. Would we allow our sweet Princess to be deprived of + her rights by any enemy? Never, never, never, never!’ + </p> + <p> + And they all shouted in a chorus, ‘Never, never, never, never!’ + </p> + <p> + Now, I should like to know, and how did these fine courtiers show their + fidelity? One of King Cavolfiore’s vassals, the Duke Padella just + mentioned, rebelled against the King, who went out to chastise his + rebellious subject. ‘Any one rebel against our beloved and august + Monarch!’ cried the courtiers; ‘any one resist HIM? Pooh! He is + invincible, irresistible. He will bring home Padella a prisoner, and tie + him to a donkey’s tail, and drive him round the town, saying, “This is the + way the Great Cavolfiore treats rebels.”’ + </p> + <p> + The King went forth to vanquish Padella; and the poor Queen, who was a + very timid, anxious creature, grew so frightened and ill that I am sorry + to say she died; leaving injunctions with her ladies to take care of the + dear little Rosalba.—Of course they said they would. Of course they + vowed they would die rather than any harm should happen to the Princess. + At first the Crim Tartar Court Journal stated that the King was obtaining + great victories over the audacious rebel: then it was announced that the + troops of the infamous Padella were in flight: then it was said that the + royal army would soon come up with the enemy, and then—then the news + came that King Cavolfiore was vanquished and slain by His Majesty, King + Padella the First! + </p> + <p> + At this news, half the courtiers ran off to pay their duty to the + conquering chief, and the other half ran away, laying hands on all the + best articles in the palace; and poor little Rosalba was left there quite + alone—quite alone; and she toddled from one room to another, crying, + ‘Countess! Duchess!’ (Only she said ‘Tountess, Duttess,’ not being able to + speak plain) ‘bring me my mutton sop; my Royal Highness hungy! Tountess! + Duttess!’ And she went from the private apartments into the throne-room + and nobody was there;—and thence into the ballroom and nobody was + there;—and thence into the pages’ room and nobody was there;—and + she toddled down the great staircase into the hall and nobody was there;—and + the door was open, and she went into the court, and into the garden, and + thence into the wilderness, and thence into the forest where the wild + beasts live, and was never heard of any more! + </p> + <p> + A piece of her torn mantle and one of her shoes were found in the wood in + the mouths of two lionesses’ cubs whom KING PADELLA and a royal hunting + party shot—for he was King now, and reigned over Crim Tartary. ‘So + the poor little Princess is done for,’ said he; ‘well, what’s done can’t + be helped. Gentlemen, let us go to luncheon!’ And one of the courtiers + took up the shoe and put it in his pocket. And there was an end of + Rosalba! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV. HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA’S CHRISTENING + </h2> + <p> + When the Princess Angelica was born, her parents not only did not ask the + Fairy Blackstick to the christening party, but gave orders to their porter + absolutely to refuse her if she called. This porter’s name was Gruffanuff, + and he had been selected for the post by their Royal Highnesses because he + was a very tall fierce man, who could say ‘Not at home’ to a tradesman or + an unwelcome visitor with a rudeness which frightened most such persons + away. He was the husband of that Countess whose picture we have just seen, + and as long as they were together they quarrelled from morning till night. + Now this fellow tried his rudeness once too often, as you shall hear. For + the Fairy Blackstick coming to call upon the Prince and Princess, who were + actually sitting at the open drawing-room window, Gruffanuff not only + denied them, but made the most ODIOUS VULGAR SIGN as he was going to slam + the door in the Fairy’s face! ‘Git away, hold Blackstick!’ said he. ‘I + tell you, Master and Missis ain’t at home to you;’ and he was, as we have + said, GOING to slam the door. + </p> + <p> + But the Fairy, with her wand, prevented the door being shut; and + Gruffanuff came out again in a fury, swearing in the most abominable way, + and asking the Fairy ‘whether she thought he was a going to stay at that + there door hall day?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You ARE going to stay at that door all day and all night, and for many a + long year,’ the Fairy said, very majestically; and Gruffanuff, coming out + of the door, straddling before it with his great calves, burst out + laughing, and cried, ‘Ha, ha, ha! this is a good un! Ha—ah—what’s + this? Let me down—O—o—H’m!’ and then he was dumb! + </p> + <p> + For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt himself rising off the + ground, and fluttering up against the door, and then, as if a screw ran + into his stomach, he felt a dreadful pain there, and was pinned to the + door; and then his arms flew up over his head; and his legs, after + writhing about wildly, twisted under his body; and he felt cold, cold, + growing over him, as if he was turning into metal; and he said, ‘O—o—H’m!’ + and could say no more, because he was dumb. + </p> + <p> + He WAS turned into metal! He was, from being BRAZEN, BRASS! He was neither + more nor less than a knocker! And there he was, nailed to the door in the + blazing summer day, till he burned almost red-hot; and there he was, + nailed to the door all the bitter winter nights, till his brass nose was + dropping with icicles. And the postman came and rapped at him, and the + vulgarest boy with a letter came and hit him up against the door. And the + King and Queen (Princess and Prince they were then) coming home from a + walk that evening, the King said, ‘Hullo, my dear! you have had a new + knocker put on the door. Why, it’s rather like our porter in the face! + What has become of that boozy vagabond?’ And the house-maid came and + scrubbed his nose with sandpaper; and once, when the Princess Angelica’s + little sister was born, he was tied up in an old kid glove; and, another + night, some LARKING young men tried to wrench him off, and put him to the + most excruciating agony with a turn screw. And then the Queen had a fancy + to have the colour of the door altered; and the painters dabbed him over + the mouth and eyes, and nearly choked him, as they painted him pea-green. + I warrant he had leisure to repent of having been rude to the Fairy + Blackstick! + </p> + <p> + As for his wife, she did not miss him; and as he was always guzzling beer + at the public-house, and notoriously quarrelling with his wife, and in + debt to the tradesmen, it was supposed he had run away from all these + evils, and emigrated to Australia or America. And when the Prince and + Princess chose to become King and Queen, they left their old house, and + nobody thought of the porter any more. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID + </h2> + <p> + One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a little girl, she was + walking in the garden of the palace, with Mrs. Gruffanuff, the governess, + holding a parasol over her head, to keep her sweet complexion from the + freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun, to feed the swans and ducks in + the royal pond. + </p> + <p> + They had not reached the duck-pond, when there came toddling up to them + such a funny little girl! She had a great quantity of hair blowing about + her chubby little cheeks, and looked as if she had not been washed or + combed for ever so long. She wore a ragged bit of a cloak, and had only + one shoe on. + </p> + <p> + ‘You little wretch, who let you in here?’ asked Mrs. Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Div me dat bun,’ said the little girl, ‘me vely hungy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hungry! what is that?’ asked Princess Angelica, and gave the child the + bun. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Princess!’ says Mrs. Gruffanuff, ‘how good, how kind, how truly + angelical you are! See, Your Majesties,’ she said to the King and Queen, + who now came up, along with their nephew, Prince Giglio, ‘how kind the + Princess is! She met this little dirty wretch in the garden—I can’t + tell how she came in here, or why the guards did not shoot her dead at the + gate!—and the dear darling of a Princess has given her the whole of + her bun!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I didn’t want it,’ said Angelical + </p> + <p> + ‘But you are a darling little angel all the same,’ says the governess. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes; I know I am,’ said Angelical ‘Dirty little girl, don’t you think I + am very pretty?’ Indeed, she had on the finest of little dresses and hats; + and, as her hair was carefully curled, she really looked very well. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, pooty, pooty!’ says the little girl, capering about, laughing, and + dancing, and munching her bun; and as she ate it she began to sing, ‘Oh, + what fun to have a plum bun! how I wis it never was done!’ At which, and + her funny accent, Angelica, Giglio, and the King and Queen began to laugh + very merrily. + </p> + <p> + ‘I can dance as well as sing,’ says the little girl. ‘I can dance, and I + can sing, and I can do all sorts of ting.’ And she ran to a flower-bed, + and pulling a few polyanthuses, rhododendrons, and other flowers, made + herself a little wreath, and danced before the King and Queen so drolly + and prettily, that everybody was delighted. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who was your mother—who were your relations, little girl?’ said the + Queen. + </p> + <p> + The little girl said, ‘Little lion was my brudder; great big lioness my + mudder; neber heard of any udder.’ And she capered away on her one shoe, + and everybody was exceedingly diverted. + </p> + <p> + So Angelica said to the Queen, ‘Mamma, my parrot flew away yesterday out + of its cage, and I don’t care any more for any of my toys; and I think + this funny little dirty child will amuse me. I will take her home, and + give her some of my old frocks.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, the generous darling!’ says Mrs. Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Which I have worn ever so many times, and am quite tired of,’ Angelica + went on; ‘and she shall be my little maid. Will you come home with me, + little dirty girl?’ + </p> + <p> + The child clapped her hands, and said, ‘Go home with you—yes! You + pooty Princess!—Have a nice dinner, and wear a new dress!’ + </p> + <p> + And they all laughed again, and took home the child to the palace, where, + when she was washed and combed, and had one of the Princess’s frocks given + to her, she looked as handsome as Angelica, almost. Not that Angelica ever + thought so; for this little lady never imagined that anybody in the world + could be as pretty, as good, or as clever as herself. In order that the + little girl should not become too proud and conceited, Mrs. Gruffanuff + took her old ragged mantle and one shoe, and put them into a glass box, + with a card laid upon them, upon which was written, ‘These were the old + clothes in which little BETSINDA was found when the great goodness and + admirable kindness of Her Royal Highness the Princess Angelica received + this little outcast.’ And the date was added, and the box locked up. + </p> + <p> + For a while little Betsinda was a great favourite with the Princess, and + she danced, and sang, and made her little rhymes, to amuse her mistress. + But then the Princess got a monkey, and afterwards a little dog, and + afterwards a doll, and did not care for Betsinda any more, who became very + melancholy and quiet, and sang no more funny songs, because nobody cared + to hear her. And then, as she grew older, she was made a little + lady’s-maid to the Princess; and though she had no wages, she worked and + mended, and put Angelica’s hair in papers, and was never cross when + scolded, and was always eager to please her mistress, and was always up + early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in fact became a + perfect little maid. So the two girls grew up, and, when the Princess came + out, Betsinda was never tired of waiting on her; and made her dresses + better than the best milliner, and was useful in a hundred ways. Whilst + the Princess was having her masters, Betsinda would sit and watch them; + and in this way she picked up a great deal of learn ing; for she was + always awake, though her mistress was not, and listened to the wise + professors when Angelica was yawning or thinking of the next ball. And + when the dancing-master came, Betsinda learned along with Angelica; and + when the music-master came, she watched him, and practiced the Princess’s + pieces when Angelica was away at balls and parties; and when the + drawing-master came, she took note of all he said and did; and the same + with French, Italian, and all other languages—she learned them from + the teacher who came to Angelica. When the Princess was going out of an + evening she would say, ‘My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I + have begun.’ ‘Yes, miss,’ Betsinda would say, and sit down very cheerful, + not to FINISH what Angelica began, but to DO it. + </p> + <p> + For instance, the Princess would begin a head of a warrior, let us say, + and when it was begun it was something like this— + </p> + <p> + But when it was done, the warrior was like this— + </p> + <p> + (only handsomer still if possible), and the Princess put her name to the + drawing; and the Court and King and Queen, and above all poor Giglio, + admired the picture of all things, and said, ‘Was there ever a genius like + Angelica?’ So, I am sorry to say, was it with the Princess’s embroidery + and other accomplishments; and Angelica actually believed that she did + these things herself, and received all the flattery of the Court as if + every word of it was true. Thus she began to think that there was no young + woman in all the world equal to herself, and that no young man was good + enough for her. As for Betsinda, as she heard none of these praises, she + was not puffed up by them, and being a most grateful, good-natured girl, + she was only too anxious to do everything which might give her mistress + pleasure. Now you begin to perceive that Angelica had faults of her own, + and was by no means such a wonder of wonders as people represented Her + Royal Highness to be. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF + </h2> + <p> + And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the nephew of the reigning + monarch of Paflagonia. It has already been stated, in page seven, that as + long as he had a smart coat to wear, a good horse to ride, and money in + his pocket, or rather to take out of his pocket, for he was very + good-natured, my young Prince did not care for the loss of his crown and + sceptre, being a thoughtless youth, not much inclined to politics or any + kind of learning. So his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would not learn + classics or mathematics, and the Lord Chancellor of Paflagonia, + SQUARETOSO, pulled a very long face because the Prince could not be got to + study the Paflagonian laws and constitution; but, on the other hand, the + King’s gamekeepers and huntsmen found the Prince an apt pupil; the + dancing-master pronounced that he was a most elegant and assiduous + scholar; the First Lord of the Billiard Table gave the most flattering + reports of the Prince’s skill; so did the Groom of the Tennis Court; and + as for the Captain of the Guard and Fencing Master, the VALIANT and + VETERAN Count KUTASOFF HEDZOFF, he avowed that since he ran the General of + Crim Tartary, the dreadful Grumbuskin, through the body, he never had + encountered so expert a swordsman as Prince Giglio. + </p> + <p> + I hope you do not imagine that there was any impropriety in the Prince and + Princess walking together in the palace garden, and because Giglio kissed + Angelica’s hand in a polite manner. In the first place they are cousins; + next, the Queen is walking in the garden too (you cannot see her, for she + happens to be behind that tree), and Her Majesty always wished that + Angelica and Giglio should marry: so did Giglio: so did Angelica + sometimes, for she thought her cousin very handsome, brave, and + good-natured: but then you know she was so clever and knew so many things, + and poor Giglio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When they looked at + the stars, what did Giglio know of the heavenly bodies? Once, when on a + sweet night in a balcony where they were standing, Angelica said, ‘There + is the Bear.’ ‘Where?’ says Giglio. ‘Don’t be afraid, Angelica! if a dozen + bears come, I will kill them rather than they shall hurt you.’ ‘Oh, you + silly creature!’ says she; ‘you are very good, but you are not very wise.’ + When they looked at the flowers, Giglio was utterly unacquainted with + botany, and had never heard of Linnaeus. When the butterflies passed, + Giglio knew nothing about them, being as ignorant of entomology as I am of + algebra. So you see, Angelica, though she liked Giglio pretty well, + despised him on account of his ignorance. I think she probably valued HER + OWN LEARNING rather too much; but to think too well of one’s self is the + fault of people of all ages and both sexes. Finally, when nobody else was + there, Angelica liked her cousin well enough. + </p> + <p> + King Valoroso was very delicate in health, and withal so fond of good + dinners (which were prepared for him by his French cook Marmitonio), that + it was supposed he could not live long. Now the idea of anything happening + to the King struck the artful Prime Minister and the designing old + lady-in-waiting with terror. For, thought Glumboso and the Countess, ‘when + Prince Giglio marries his cousin and comes to the throne, what a pretty + position we shall be in, whom he dislikes, and who have always been unkind + to him. We shall lose our places in a trice; Mrs. Gruffanuff will have to + give up all the jewels, laces, snuff-boxes, rings, and watches which + belonged to the Queen, Giglio’s mother; and Glumboso will be forced to + refund two hundred and seventeen thousand millions nine hundred and + eighty-seven thousand four hundred and thirty-nine pounds, thirteen + shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, money left to Prince Giglio by his poor + dear father.’ + </p> + <p> + So the Lady of Honour and the Prime Minister hated Giglio because they had + done him a wrong; and these unprincipled people invented a hundred cruel + stories about poor Giglio, in order to influence the King, Queen, and + Princess against him; how he was so ignorant that he could not spell the + commonest words, and actually wrote Valoroso Valloroso, and spelt Angelica + with two l’s; how he drank a great deal too much wine at dinner, and was + always idling in the stables with the grooms; how he owed ever so much + money at the pastry-cook’s and the haberdasher’s; how he used to go to + sleep at church; how he was fond of playing cards with the pages. So did + the Queen like playing cards; so did the King go to sleep at church, and + eat and drink too much; and, if Giglio owed a trifle for tarts, who owed + him two hundred and seventeen thousand millions nine hundred and + eighty-seven thousand four hundred and thirty-nine pounds, thirteen + shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, I should like to know? Detractors and + tale-bearers (in my humble opinion) had much better look at HOME. All this + backbiting and slandering had effect upon Princess Angelica, who began to + look coldly on her cousin, then to laugh at him and scorn him for being so + stupid, then to sneer at him for having vulgar associates; and at Court + balls, dinners, and so forth, to treat him so unkindly that poor Giglio + became quite ill, took to his bed, and sent for the doctor. + </p> + <p> + His Majesty King Valoroso, as we have seen, had his own reasons for + disliking his nephew; and as for those innocent readers who ask why?—I + beg (with the permission of their dear parents) to refer them to + Shakespeare’s pages, where they will read why King John disliked Prince + Arthur. With the Queen, his royal but weak-minded aunt, when Giglio was + out of sight he was out of mind. While she had her whist and her evening + parties, she cared for little else. + </p> + <p> + I dare say TWO VILLAINS, who shall be nameless, wished Doctor Pildrafto, + the Court Physician, had killed Giglio right out, but he only bled and + physicked him so severely that the Prince was kept to his room for several + months, and grew as thin as a post. + </p> + <p> + Whilst he was lying sick in this way, there came to the Court of + Paflagonia a famous painter, whose name was Tomaso Lorenzo, and who was + Painter in Ordinary to the King of Crim Tartary, Paflagonia’s neighbour. + Tomaso Lorenzo painted all the Court, who were delighted with his works; + for even Countess Gruffanuff looked young and Glumboso good-humoured in + his pictures. ‘He flatters very much,’ some people said. ‘Nay!’ says + Princess Angelica, ‘I am above flattery, and I think he did not make my + picture handsome enough. I can’t bear to hear a man of genius unjustly + cried down, and I hope my dear papa will make Lorenzo a knight of his + Order of the Cucumber.’ + </p> + <p> + The Princess Angelica, although the courtiers vowed Her Royal Highness + could draw so BEAUTIFULLY that the idea of her taking lessons was absurd, + yet chose to have Lorenzo for a teacher, and it was wonderful, AS LONG AS + SHE PAINTED IN HIS STUDIO, what beautiful pictures she made! Some of the + performances were engraved for the Book of Beauty: others were sold for + enormous sums at Charity Bazaars. She wrote the SIGNATURES under the + drawings, no doubt, but I think I know who-did the pictures—this + artful painter, who had come with other designs on Angelica than merely to + teach her to draw. + </p> + <p> + One day, Lorenzo showed the Princess a portrait of a young man in armour, + with fair hair and the loveliest blue eyes, and an expression at once + melancholy and interesting. + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear Signor Lorenzo, who is this?’ asked the Princess. + </p> + <p> + ‘I never saw anyone so handsome,’ says Countess Gruffanuff (the old + humbug). + </p> + <p> + ‘That,’ said the painter, ‘that, Madam, is the portrait of my august young + master, his Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of Crim Tartary, Duke of + Acroceraunia, Marquis of Poluphloisboio, and Knight Grand Cross of the + Order of the Pumpkin. That is the order of the Pumpkin glittering on his + manly breast, and received by His Royal Highness from his august father, + His Majesty King PADELLA I., for his gallantry at the battle of + Rimbombamento, when he slew with his own princely hand the King of Ograria + and two hundred and eleven giants of the two hundred and eighteen who + formed the King’s bodyguard. The remainder were destroyed by the brave + Crim Tartar army after an obstinate combat, in which the Crim Tartars + suffered severely.’ + </p> + <p> + What a Prince! thought Angelica: so brave—so calm-looking—so + young—what a hero! + </p> + <p> + ‘He is as accomplished as he is brave,’ continued the Court Painter. ‘He + knows all languages perfectly: sings deliciously: plays every instrument: + composes operas which have been acted a thousand nights running at the + Imperial Theatre of Crim Tartary, and danced in a ballet there before the + King and Queen; in which he looked so beautiful, that his cousin, the + lovely daughter of the King of Circassia, died for love of him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Why did he not marry the poor Princess?’ asked Angelica, with a sigh. + </p> + <p> + ‘Because they were FIRST COUSINS, Madam, and the clergy forbid these + unions,’ said the Painter. ‘And, besides, the young Prince had given his + royal heart ELSEWHERE.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And to whom?’ asked Her Royal Highness. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am not at liberty to mention the Princess’s name,’ answered the + Painter. + </p> + <p> + ‘But you may tell me the first letter of it,’ gasped out the Princess. + </p> + <p> + ‘That Your Royal Highness is at liberty to guess,’ said Lorenzo. + </p> + <p> + ‘Does it begin with a Z?’ asked Angelica. + </p> + <p> + The Painter said it wasn’t a Z; then she tried a Y; then an X; then a W, + and went so backwards through almost the whole alphabet. + </p> + <p> + When she came to D, and it wasn’t D, she grew very excited; when she came + to C, and it wasn’t C, she was still more nervous; when she came to B, AND + IT WASN’T B, ‘O dearest Gruffanuff,’ she said, ‘lend me your + smelling-bottle!’ and, hiding her head in the Countess’s shoulder, she + faintly whispered, ‘Ah, Signor, can it be A?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was A; and though I may not, by my Royal Master’s orders, tell Your + Royal Highness the Princess’s name, whom he fondly, madly, devotedly, + rapturously loves, I may show you her portrait,’ says this slyboots: and + leading the Princess up to a gilt frame, he drew a curtain which was + before it. + </p> + <p> + O goodness! the frame contained A LOOKING-GLASS! and Angelica saw her own + face! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VII. HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL + </h2> + <p> + The Court Painter of His Majesty the King of Crim Tartary returned to that + monarch’s dominions, carrying away a number of sketches which he had made + in the Paflagonian capital (you know, of course, my dears, that the name + of that capital is Blombodinga); but the most charming of all his pieces + was a portrait of the Princess Angelica, which all the Crim Tartar nobles + came to see. With this work the King was so delighted, that he decorated + the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin (sixth class) and the artist + became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K.P., thenceforth. + </p> + <p> + King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the Cucumber, besides a + handsome order for money, for he painted the King, Queen, and principal + nobility while at Blombodinga, and became all the fashion, to the perfect + rage of all the artists in Paflagonia, where the King used to point to the + portrait of Prince Bulbo, which Sir Tomaso had left behind him, and say + ‘Which among you can paint a picture like that?’ + </p> + <p> + It hung in the royal parlour over the royal sideboard, and Princess + Angelica could always look at it as she sat making the tea. Each day it + seemed to grow handsomer and handsomer, and the Princess grew so fond of + looking at it, that she would often spill the tea over the cloth, at which + her father and mother would wink and wag their heads, and say to each + other, ‘Aha! we see how things are going.’ + </p> + <p> + In the meantime poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick in his chamber, though + he took all the doctor’s horrible medicines like a good young lad; as I + hope YOU do, my dears, when you are ill and mamma sends for the medical + man. And the only person who visited Giglio (besides his friend the + captain of the guard, who was almost always busy or on parade), was little + Betsinda the housemaid, who used to do his bedroom and sitting-room out, + bring him his gruel, and warm his bed. + </p> + <p> + When the little housemaid came to him in the morning and evening, Prince + Giglio used to say, ‘Betsinda, Betsinda, how is the Princess Angelica?’ + </p> + <p> + And Betsinda used to answer, ‘The Princess is very well, thank you, my + Lord.’ And Giglio would heave a sigh, and think, if Angelica were sick, I + am sure <i>I</i> should not be very well. + </p> + <p> + Then Giglio would say, ‘Betsinda, has the Princess Angelica asked for me + today?’ And Betsinda would answer, ‘No, my Lord, not today’; or, ‘she was + very busy practicing the piano when I saw her’; or, ‘she was writing + invitations for an evening party, and did not speak to me’; or make some + excuse or other, not strictly consonant with truth: for Betsinda was such + a good-natured creature that she strove to do everything to prevent + annoyance to Prince Giglio, and even brought him up roast chicken and + jellies from the kitchen (when the Doctor allowed them, and Giglio was + getting better), saying, ‘that the Princess had made the jelly, or the + bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for Giglio.’ + </p> + <p> + When Giglio heard this he took heart and began to mend immediately; and + gobbled up all the jelly, and picked the last bone of the chicken—drumsticks, + merry-thought, sides’-bones, back, pope’s nose, and all—thanking his + dear Angelica; and he felt so much better the next day, that he dressed + and went downstairs, where, whom should he meet but Angelica going into + the drawing-room? All the covers were off the chairs, the chandeliers + taken out of the bags, the damask curtains uncovered, the work and things + carried away, and the handsomest albums on the tables. Angelica had her + hair in papers: in a word, it was evident there was going to be a party. + </p> + <p> + ‘Heavens, Giglio!’ cries Angelica: ‘YOU here in such a dress! What a + figure you are!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, dear Angelica, I am come downstairs, and feel so well today, thanks + to the FOWL and the JELLY.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you allude to them in that + rude way?’ says Angelica. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why, didn’t—didn’t you send them, Angelica dear?’ says Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio dear,’ says she, mocking + him, ‘<i>I</i> was engaged in getting the rooms ready for His Royal + Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay my papa’s Court + a visit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘The—Prince—of—Crim—Tartary!’ Giglio said, aghast. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary,’ says Angelica, mocking him. ‘I dare say + you never heard of such a country. What DID you ever hear of? You don’t + know whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea or on the Black Sea, I dare + say.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I do, it’s on the Red Sea,’ says Giglio, at which the Princess burst + out laughing at him, and said, ‘Oh, you ninny! You are so ignorant, you + are really not fit for society! You know nothing but about horses and + dogs, and are only fit to dine in a mess-room with my Royal father’s + heaviest dragoons. Don’t look so surprised at me, sir: go and put your + best clothes on to receive the Prince, and let me get the drawing-room + ready.’ + </p> + <p> + Giglio said, ‘Oh, Angelica, Angelica, I didn’t think this of you. THIS + wasn’t your language to me when you gave me this ring, and I gave you mine + in the garden, and you gave me that k—’ + </p> + <p> + But what k was we never shall know, for Angelica, in a rage, cried, ‘Get + out, you saucy, rude creature! How dare you to remind me of your rudeness? + As for your little trumpery twopenny ring, there, sir, there!’ And she + flung it out of the window. + </p> + <p> + ‘It was my mother’s marriage-ring,’ cried Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘<i>I</i> don’t care whose marriage-ring it was,’ cries Angelica. ‘Marry + the person who picks it up if she’s a woman; you shan’t marry ME. And give + me back MY ring. I’ve no patience with people who boast about the things + they give away! <i>I</i> know who’ll give me much finer things than you + ever gave me. A beggarly ring indeed, not worth five shillings!’ + </p> + <p> + Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio had given her was a + fairy ring: if a man wore it, it made all the women in love with him; if a + woman, all the gentlemen. The Queen, Giglio’s mother, quite an + ordinary-looking person, was admired immensely whilst she wore this ring, + and her husband was frantic when she was ill. But when she called her + little Giglio to her, and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did not + seem to care for his wife so much any more, but transferred all his love + to little Giglio. So did everybody love him as long as he had the ring; + but when, as quite a child, he gave it to Angelica, people began to love + and admire HER; and Giglio, as the saying is, played only second fiddle. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ says Angelica, going on in her foolish ungrateful way. ‘<i>I</i> + know who’ll give me much finer things than your beggarly little pearl + nonsense.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Very good, miss! You may take back your ring too!’ says Giglio, his eyes + flashing fire at her, and then, as his eyes had been suddenly opened, he + cried out, ‘Ha! what does this mean? Is THIS the woman I have been in love + with all my life? Have I been such a ninny as to throw away my regard upon + you? Why—actually—yes—you are a little crooked!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you wretch!’ cries Angelica. + </p> + <p> + ‘And, upon my conscience, you—you squint a little.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Eh!’ cries Angelica. + </p> + <p> + ‘And your hair is red—and you are marked with the smallpox—and + what? you have three false teeth—and one leg shorter than the + other!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You brute, you brute, you!’ Angelica screamed out: and as she seized the + ring with one hand, she dealt Giglio one, two, three smacks on the face, + and would have pulled the hair off his head had he not started laughing, + and crying— + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh dear me, Angelica, don’t pull out MY hair, it hurts! You might remove + a great deal of YOUR OWN, as I perceive, without scissors or pulling at + all. Oh, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! ho he he!’ + </p> + <p> + And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she with rage; when, with + a low bow, and dressed in his Court habit, Count Gambabella, the first + lord-in-waiting, entered and said, ‘Royal Highnesses! Their Majesties + expect you in the Pink Throne-room, where they await the arrival of the + Prince of CRIM TARTARY.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO CAME TO + COURT + </h2> + <p> + Prince Bulbo’s arrival had set all the court in a flutter: everybody was + ordered to put his or her best clothes on: the footmen had their gala + liveries; the Lord Chancellor his new wig; the Guards their last new + tunics; and Countess Gruffanuff, you may be sure, was glad of an + opportunity of decorating HER old person with her finest things. She was + walking through the court of the Palace on her way to wait upon Their + Majesties, when she espied something glittering on the pavement, and bade + the boy in buttons who was holding up her train, to go and pick up the + article shining yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in some of the late + groom-porter’s old clothes cut down, and much too tight for him; and yet, + when he had taken up the ring (as it turned out to be), and was carrying + it to his mistress, she thought he looked like a little cupid. He gave the + ring to her; it was a trumpery little thing enough, but too small for any + of her old knuckles, so she put it into her pocket. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, mum!’ says the boy, looking at her ‘how—how beyoutiful you do + look, mum, today, mum!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And you, too, Jacky,’ she was going to say; but, looking down at him—no, + he was no longer good-looking at all—but only the carroty-haired + little Jacky of the morning. However, praise is welcome from the ugliest + of men or boys, and Gruffanuff, bidding the boy hold up her train, walked + on in high good-humour. The guards saluted her with peculiar respect. + Captain Hedzoff, in the anteroom, said, ‘My dear madam, you look like an + angel today.’ And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff went in and took her + place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, who were in the throne-room, + awaiting the Prince of Crim Tartary. Princess Angelica sat at their feet, + and behind the King’s chair stood Prince Giglio, looking very savage. + </p> + <p> + The Prince of Crim Tartary made his appearance, attended by Baron + Sleibootz, his chamberlain, and followed by a black page carrying the most + beautiful crown you ever saw! He was dressed in his travelling costume, + and his hair, as you see, was a little in disorder. ‘I have ridden three + hundred miles since breakfast,’ said he, ‘so eager was I to behold the + Prin—the Court and august family of Paflagonia, and I could not wait + one minute before appearing in Your Majesties’ presences.’ + </p> + <p> + Giglio, from behind the throne, burst out into a roar of contemptuous + laughter; but all the Royal party, in fact, were so flurried, that they + did not hear this little outbreak. ‘Your R. H. is welcome in any dress,’ + says the King. ‘Glumboso, a chair for His Royal Highness.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Any dress His Royal Highness wears IS a Court dress,’ says Princess + Angelica, smiling graciously. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! but you should see my other clothes,’ said the Prince. ‘I should have + had them on, but that stupid carrier has not brought them. Who’s that + laughing?’ + </p> + <p> + It was Giglio laughing. ‘I was laughing,’ he said, ‘because you said just + now that you were in such a hurry to see the Princess, that you could not + wait to change your dress; and now you say you come in those clothes + because you have no others.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And who are you?’ says Prince Bulbo, very fiercely. + </p> + <p> + ‘My father was King of this country, and I am his only son, Prince!’ + replies Giglio, with equal haughtiness. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ said the King and Glumboso, looking very flurried; but the former, + collecting himself, said, ‘Dear Prince Bulbo, I forgot to introduce to + Your Royal Highness my dear nephew, His Royal Highness Prince Giglio! Know + each other! Embrace each other! Giglio, give His Royal Highness your + hand!’ and Giglio, giving his hand, squeezed poor Bulbo’s until the tears + ran out of his eyes. Glumboso now brought a chair for the Royal visitor, + and placed it on the platform on which the King, Queen, and Prince were + seated; but the chair was on the edge of the platform, and as Bulbo sat + down, it toppled over, and he with it, rolling over and over, and + bellowing like a bull. Giglio roared still louder at this disaster, but it + was with laughter; so did all the Court when Prince Bulbo got up; for + though when he entered the room he appeared not very ridiculous, as he + stood up from his fall for a moment he looked so exceedingly plain and + foolish, that nobody could help laughing at him. When he had entered the + room, he was observed to carry a rose in his hand, which fell out of it as + he tumbled. + </p> + <p> + ‘My rose! my rose!’ cried Bulbo; and his chamberlain dashed forwards and + picked it up, and gave it to the Prince, who put it in his waistcoat. Then + people wondered why they had laughed; there was nothing particularly + ridiculous in him. He was rather short, rather stout, rather red-haired, + but, in fine, for a Prince, not so bad. + </p> + <p> + So they sat and talked, the Royal personages together, the Crim Tartar + officers with those of Paflagonia—Giglio very comfortable with + Gruffanuff behind the throne. He looked at her with such tender eyes, that + her heart was all in a flutter. ‘Oh, dear Prince,’ she said, ‘how could + you speak so haughtily in presence of Their Majesties? I protest I thought + I should have fainted.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I should have caught you in my arms,’ said Giglio, looking raptures. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why were you so cruel to Prince Bulbo, dear Prince?’ says Gruff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Because I hate him,’ says Gil. + </p> + <p> + ‘You are jealous of him, and still love poor Angelica,’ cries Gruffanuff, + putting her handkerchief to her eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘I did, but I love her no more!’ Giglio cried. ‘I despise her! Were she + heiress to twenty thousand thrones, I would despise her and scorn her. But + why speak of thrones? I have lost mine. I am too weak to recover it—I + am alone, and have no friend.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, say not so, dear Prince!’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Besides,’ says he, ‘I am so happy here BEHIND THE THRONE that I would not + change my place, no, not for the throne of the world!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you two people chattering about there?’ says the Queen, who was + rather good-natured, though not overburthened with wisdom. ‘It is time to + dress for dinner. Giglio, show Prince Bulbo to his room. Prince, if your + clothes have not come, we shall be very happy to see you as you are.’ But + when Prince Bulbo got to his bedroom, his luggage was there and unpacked; + and the hairdresser coming in, cut and curled him entirely to his own + satisfaction; and when the dinner-bell rang, the Royal company had not to + wait above five-and-twenty minutes until Bulbo appeared, during which time + the King, who could not bear to wait, grew as sulky as possible. As for + Giglio, he never left Madam Gruffanuff all this time, but stood with her + in the embrasure of a window, paying her compliments. At length the Groom + of the Chambers announced His Royal Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary! + and the noble company went into the royal dining-room. It was quite a + small party; only the King and Queen, the Princess, whom Bulbo took out, + the two Princes, Countess Gruffanuff, Glumboso the Prime Minister, and + Prince Bulbo’s chamberlain. You may be sure they had a very good dinner—let + every boy or girl think of what he or she likes best, and fancy it on the + table.* + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + *Here a very pretty game may be played by all the children + saying what they like best for dinner. +</pre> + <p> + The Princess talked incessantly all dinner-time to the Prince of Crimea, + who ate an immense deal too much, and never took his eyes off his plate, + except when Giglio, who was carving a goose, sent a quantity of stuffing + and onion sauce into one of them. Giglio only burst out a-laughing as the + Crimean Prince wiped his shirt-front and face with his scented + pocket-handkerchief. He did not make Prince Bulbo any apology. When the + Prince looked at him, Giglio would not look that way. When Prince Bulbo + said, ‘Prince Giglio, may I have the honour of taking a glass of wine with + you?’ Giglio WOULDN’T answer. All his talk and his eyes were for Countess + Gruffanuff, who you may be sure was pleased with Giglio’s attentions—the + vain old creature! When he was not complimenting her, he was making fun of + Prince Bulbo, so loud that Gruffanuff was always tapping him with her fan, + and saying—‘Oh, you satirical Prince! Oh, fie, the Prince will + hear!’ ‘Well, I don’t mind,’ says Giglio, louder still. The King and Queen + luckily did not hear; for Her Majesty was a little deaf, and the King + thought so much about his own dinner, and, besides, made such a dreadful + noise, hobgobbling in eating it, that he heard nothing else. After dinner, + His Majesty and the Queen went to sleep in their arm-chairs. + </p> + <p> + This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with Prince Bulbo, plying + that young gentleman with port, sherry, madeira, champagne, marsala, + cherry-brandy, and pale ale, of all of which Master Bulbo drank without + stint. But in plying his guest, Giglio was obliged to drink himself, and, + I am sorry to say, took more than was good for him, so that the young men + were very noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies after + dinner; and dearly did they pay for that imprudence, as now, my darlings, + you shall hear! + </p> + <p> + Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica was playing and singing, + and he sang out of tune, and he upset the coffee when the footman brought + it, and he laughed out of place, and talked absurdly, and fell asleep and + snored horridly. Booh, the nasty pig! But as he lay there stretched on the + pink satin sofa, Angelica still persisted in thinking him the most + beautiful of human beings. No doubt the magic rose which Bulbo wore caused + this infatuation on Angelica’s part; but is she the first young woman who + has thought a silly fellow charming? + </p> + <p> + Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face he, too, every moment + began to find more lovely. He paid the most outrageous compliments to her:—There + never was such a darling—Older than he was?—Fiddle-de-dee! He + would marry her—he would have nothing but her! + </p> + <p> + To marry the heir to the throne! Here was a chance! The artful hussy + actually got a sheet of paper, and wrote upon it, ‘This is to give notice + that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby promise to + marry the charming and virtuous Barbara Griselda, Countess Gruffanuff, and + widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is it you are writing, you charming Gruffy?’ says Giglio, who was + lolling on the sofa, by the writing-table. + </p> + <p> + ‘Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giving coals and blankets + to the poor, this cold weather. Look! the King and Queen are both asleep, + and your Royal Highness’s order will do.’ + </p> + <p> + So Giglio, who was very good-natured, as Gruffy well knew, signed the + order immediately; and, when she had it in her pocket, you may fancy what + airs she gave herself. She was ready to flounce out of the room before the + Queen herself, as now she was the wife of the RIGHTFUL King of Paflagonia! + She would not speak to Glumboso, whom she thought a brute, for depriving + her DEAR HUSBAND of the crown! And when candles came, and she had helped + to undress the Queen and Princess, she went into her own room, and + actually practiced on a sheet of paper, ‘Griselda Paflagonia,’ ‘Barbara + Regina,’ ‘Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.,’ and I don’t know what signatures + besides, against the day when she should be Queen, forsooth! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IX. HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING PAN + </h2> + <p> + Little Betsinda came in to put Gruffanuff’s hair in papers; and the + Countess was so pleased, that, for a wonder, she complimented Betsinda. + ‘Betsinda!’ she said, ‘you dressed my hair very nicely today; I promised + you a little present. Here are five sh—no, here is a pretty little + ring, that I picked—that I have had some time.’ And she gave + Betsinda the ring she had picked up in the court. It fitted Betsinda + exactly. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s like the ring the Princess used to wear,’ says the maid. + </p> + <p> + ‘No such thing,’ says Gruffanuff, ‘I have had it this ever so long. There, + tuck me up quite comfortable; and now, as it’s a very cold night (the snow + was beating in at the window), you may go and warm dear Prince Giglio’s + bed, like a good girl, and then you may unrip my green silk, and then you + can just do me up a little cap for the morning, and then you can mend that + hole in my silk stocking, and then you can go to bed, Betsinda. Mind I + shall want my cup of tea at five o’clock in the morning.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I suppose I had best warm both the young gentlemen’s beds, Ma’am,’ says + Betsinda. + </p> + <p> + Gruffanuff, for reply, said, ‘Hau-au-ho!—Grauhawhoo!—Hong-hrho!’ + In fact, she was snoring sound asleep. + </p> + <p> + Her room, you know, is next to the King and Queen, and the Princess is + next to them. So pretty Betsinda went away for the coals to the kitchen, + and filled the royal warming-pan. + </p> + <p> + Now, she was a very kind, merry, civil, pretty girl; but there must have + been something very captivating about her this evening, for all the women + in the servants’ hall began to scold and abuse her. The housekeeper said + she was a pert, stuck-up thing: the upper-housemaid asked, how dare she + wear such ringlets and ribbons, it was quite improper! The cook (for there + was a woman-cook as well as a man-cook) said to the kitchen-maid that she + never could see anything in that creetur: but as for the men, every one of + them, Coachman, John, Buttons, the page, and Monsieur, the Prince of Crim + Tartary’s valet, started up, and said— <br /> <br /> ‘My eyes!’ }<br /> + ‘O mussey!’ } ‘What a pretty girl Betsinda is!’<br /> ‘O jemmany!’ }<br /> + ‘O ciel!’ } + </p> + <p> + ‘Hands off; none of your impertinence, you vulgar, low people!’ says + Betsinda, walking off with her pan of coals. She heard the young gentlemen + playing at billiards as she went upstairs: first to Prince Giglio’s bed, + which she warmed, and then to Prince Bulbo’s room. + </p> + <p> + He came in just as she had done; and as soon as he saw her, ‘O! O! O! O! + O! O! what a beyou—oo—ootiful creature you are! You angel—you + peri—you rosebud, let me be thy bulbul—thy Bulbo, too! Fly to + the desert, fly with me! I never saw a young gazelle to glad me with its + dark blue eye that had eyes like shine. Thou nymph of beauty, take, take + this young heart. A truer never did itself sustain within a soldier’s + waistcoat. Be mine! Be mine! Be Princess of Crim Tartary! My Royal father + will approve our union; and, as for that little carroty-haired Angelica, I + do not care a fig for her any more.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away, Your Royal Highness, and go to bed, please,’ said Betsinda, with + the warming-pan. + </p> + <p> + But Bulbo said, ‘No, never, till thou swearest to be mine, thou lovely, + blushing chambermaid divine! Here, at thy feet, the Royal Bulbo lies, the + trembling captive of Betsinda’s eyes.’ + </p> + <p> + And he went on, making himself SO ABSURD AND RIDICULOUS, that Betsinda, + who was full of fun, gave him a touch with the warming-pan, which, I + promise you, made him cry ‘O-o-o-o!’ in a very different manner. + </p> + <p> + Prince Bulbo made such a noise that Prince Giglio, who heard him from the + next room, came in to see what was the matter. As soon as he saw what was + taking place, Giglio, in a fury, rushed on Bulbo, kicked him in the rudest + manner up to the ceiling, and went on kicking him till his hair was quite + out of curl. + </p> + <p> + Poor Betsinda did not know whether to laugh or to cry; the kicking + certainly must hurt the Prince, but then he looked so droll! When Giglio + had done knocking him up and down to the ground, and whilst he went into a + corner rubbing himself, what do you think Giglio does? He goes down on his + own knees to Betsinda, takes her hand, begs her to accept his heart, and + offers to marry her that moment. Fancy Betsinda’s condition, who had been + in love with the Prince ever since she first saw him in the palace garden, + when she was quite a little child. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, divine Betsinda!’ says the Prince, ‘how have I lived fifteen years in + thy company without seeing thy perfections? What woman in all Europe, + Asia, Africa, and America, nay, in Australia, only it is not yet + discovered, can presume to be thy equal? Angelica? Pish! Gruffanuff? Phoo! + The Queen? Ha, ha! Thou art my Queen. Thou art the real Angelica, because + thou art really angelic.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, Prince! I am but a poor chambermaid,’ says Betsinda, looking, + however, very much pleased. + </p> + <p> + ‘Didst thou not tend me in my sickness, when all forsook me?’ continues + Giglio. ‘Did not thy gentle hand smooth my pillow, and bring me jelly and + roast chicken?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, dear Prince, I did,’ says Betsinda, ‘and I sewed Your Royal + Highness’s shirt-buttons on too, if you please, Your Royal Highness,’ + cries this artless maiden. + </p> + <p> + When poor Prince Bulbo, who was now madly in love with Betsinda, heard + this declaration, when he saw the unmistakable glances which she flung + upon Giglio, Bulbo began to cry bitterly, and tore quantities of hair out + of his head, till it all covered the room like so much tow. + </p> + <p> + Betsinda had left the warming-pan on the floor while the princes were + going on with their conversation, and as they began now to quarrel and be + very fierce with one another, she thought proper to run away. + </p> + <p> + ‘You great big blubbering booby, tearing your hair in the corner there; of + course you will give me satisfaction for insulting Betsinda. YOU dare to + kneel down at Princess Giglio’s knees and kiss her hand!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘She’s not Princess Giglio!’ roars out Bulbo. ‘She shall be Princess + Bulbo, no other shall be Princess Bulbo.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You are engaged to my cousin!’ bellows out Giglio. ‘I hate your cousin,’ + says Bulbo. + </p> + <p> + ‘You shall give me satisfaction for insulting her!’ cries Giglio in a + fury. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll have your life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll run you through.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll cut your throat.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll blow your brains out.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll knock your head off.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll send a friend to you in the morning.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll send a bullet into you in the afternoon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We’ll meet again,’ says Giglio, shaking his fist in Bulbo’s face; and + seizing up the warming-pan, he kissed it, because, forsooth, Betsinda had + carried it, and rushed downstairs. What should he see on the landing but + His Majesty talking to Betsinda, whom he called by all sorts of fond + names. His Majesty had heard a row in the building, so he stated, and + smelling something burning, had come out to see what the matter was. + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s the young gentlemen smoking, perhaps, sir,’ says Betsinda. + </p> + <p> + ‘Charming chambermaid,’ says the King (like all the rest of them), ‘never + mind the young men! Turn thy eyes on a middle-aged autocrat, who has been + considered not ill-looking in his time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, sir! what will Her Majesty say?’ cries Betsinda. + </p> + <p> + ‘Her Majesty!’ laughs the monarch. ‘Her Majesty be hanged. Am I not + Autocrat of Paflagonia? Have I not blocks, ropes, axes, hangmen—ha? + Runs not a river by my palace wall? Have I not sacks to sew up wives + withal? Say but the word, that thou wilt be mine own,—your mistress + straightway in a sack is sewn, and thou the sharer of my heart and + throne.’ + </p> + <p> + When Giglio heard these atrocious sentiments, he forgot the respect + usually paid to Royalty, lifted up the warming-pan, and knocked down the + King as flat as a pancake; after which, Master Giglio took to his heels + and ran away, and Betsinda went off screaming, and the Queen, Gruffanuff, + and the Princess, all came out of their rooms. Fancy their feelings on + beholding their husband, father, sovereign, in this posture! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + X. HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION + </h2> + <p> + As soon as the coals began to burn him, the King came to himself and stood + up. ‘Ho! my captain of the guards!’ His Majesty exclaimed, stamping his + royal feet with rage. O piteous spectacle! the King’s nose was bent quite + crooked by the blow of Prince Giglio! His Majesty ground his teeth with + rage. ‘Hedzoff,’ he said, taking a death-warrant out of his dressing-gown + pocket, ‘Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize upon the Prince. Thou’lt find him in + his chamber two pair up. But now he dared, with sacrilegious hand, to + strike the sacred night-cap of a king—Hedzoff, and floor me with a + warming-pan! Away, no more demur, the villain dies! See it be done, or + else,—h’m—ha!—h’m! mind shine own eyes!’ and followed by + the ladies, and lifting up the tails of his dressing-gown, the King + entered his own apartment. + </p> + <p> + Captain Hedzoff was very much affected, having a sincere love for Giglio. + ‘Poor, poor Giglio!’ he said, the tears rolling over his manly face, and + dripping down his moustachios; ‘my noble young Prince, is it my hand must + lead thee to death?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lead him to fiddlestick, Hedzoff,’ said a female voice. It was + Gruffanuff, who had come out in her dressing-gown when she heard the + noise. ‘The King said you were to hang the Prince. Well, hang the Prince.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I don’t understand you,’ says Hedzoff, who was not a very clever man. + </p> + <p> + ‘You Gaby! he didn’t say WHICH Prince,’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘No; he didn’t say which, certainly,’ said Hedzoff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well then, take Bulbo, and hang HIM!’ + </p> + <p> + When Captain Hedzoff heard this, he began to dance about for joy. + ‘Obedience is a soldier’s honour,’ says he. ‘Prince Bulbo’s head will do + capitally,’ and he went to arrest the Prince the very first thing next + morning. + </p> + <p> + He knocked at the door. ‘Who’s there?’ says Bulbo. ‘Captain Hedzoff? Step + in, pray, my good Captain; I’m delighted to see you; I have been expecting + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Have you?’ says Hedzoff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sleibootz, my Chamberlain, will act for me,’ says the Prince. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg Your Royal Highness’s pardon, but you will have to act for + yourself, and it’s a pity to wake Baron Sleibootz.’ + </p> + <p> + The Prince Bulbo still seemed to take the matter very coolly. ‘Of course, + Captain,’ says he, ‘you are come about that affair with Prince Giglio?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Precisely,’ says Hedzoff, ‘that affair of Prince Giglio.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it to be pistols, or swords, Captain?’ asks Bulbo. ‘I’m a pretty good + hand with both, and I’ll do for Prince Giglio as sure as my name is My + Royal Highness Prince Bulbo.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s some mistake, my Lord,’ says the Captain. ‘The business is done + with AXES among us.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Axes? That’s sharp work,’ says Bulbo. ‘Call my Chamberlain, he’ll be my + second, and in ten minutes, I flatter myself, you’ll see Master Giglio’s + head off his impertinent shoulders. I’m hungry for his blood Hoooo, aw!’ + and he looked as savage as an ogre. + </p> + <p> + ‘I beg your pardon, sir, but by this warrant I am to take you prisoner, + and hand you over to—to the executioner.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pooh, pooh, my good man!—Stop, I say,—ho!—hulloa!’ was + all that this luckless Prince was enabled to say, for Hedzoff’s guards + seizing him, tied a handkerchief over his mouth and face, and carried him + to the place of execution. + </p> + <p> + The King, who happened to be talking to Glumboso, saw him pass, and took a + pinch of snuff and said, ‘So much for Giglio. Now let’s go to breakfast.’ + </p> + <p> + The Captain of the Guard handed over his prisoner to the Sheriff, with the + fatal order, + </p> + <p> + ‘AT SIGHT CUT OFF THE BEARER’S HEAD. ‘VALOROSO XXIV.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s a mistake,’ says Bulbo, who did not seem to understand the business + in the least. + </p> + <p> + ‘Poo—poo—pooh,’ says the Sheriff. ‘Fetch Jack Ketch instantly. + Jack Ketch!’ + </p> + <p> + And poor Bulbo was led to the scaffold, where an executioner with a block + and a tremendous axe was always ready in case he should be wanted. + </p> + <p> + But we must now revert to Giglio and Betsinda. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XI. WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA + </h2> + <p> + Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with the King, and knew that + Giglio must come to grief, got up very early the next morning, and went to + devise some plans for rescuing her darling husband, as the silly old thing + insisted on calling him. She found him walking up and down the garden, + thinking of a rhyme for Betsinda (TINDER and WINDA were all he could + find), and indeed having forgotten all about the past evening, except that + Betsinda was the most lovely of beings. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, dear Giglio,’ says Gruff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, dear Gruffy,’ says Giglio, only HE was quite satirical. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in this scrape. You must + fly the country for a while.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What scrape?—fly the country? Never without her I love, Countess,’ + says Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, she will accompany you, dear Prince,’ she says, in her most coaxing + accents. ‘First, we must get the jewels belonging to our royal parents. + and those of her and his present Majesty. Here is the key, duck; they are + all yours, you know, by right, for you are the rightful King of + Paflagonia, and your wife will be the rightful Queen.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Will she?’ says Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes; and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso’s apartment, where, under + his bed, you will find sacks containing money to the amount of + L2I7,000,000,987,439, 13S. 6 1/2d., all belonging to you, for he took it + out of your royal father’s room on the day of his death. With this we will + fly.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘WE will fly?’ says Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, you and your bride—your affianced love—your Gruffy!’ + says the Countess, with a languishing leer. + </p> + <p> + ‘YOU my bride!’ says Giglio. ‘You, you hideous old woman!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you—you wretch! didn’t you give me this paper promising + marriage?’ cries Gruff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Get away, you old goose! I love Betsinda, and Betsinda only!’ And in a + fit of terror he ran from her as quickly as he could. + </p> + <p> + ‘He! he! he!’ shrieks out Gruff; ‘a promise is a promise if there are laws + in Paflagonia! And as for that monster, that wretch, that fiend, that ugly + little vixen—as for that upstart, that ingrate, that beast, + Betsinda, Master Giglio will have no little difficulty in discovering her + whereabouts. He may look very long before finding HER, I warrant. He + little knows that Miss Betsinda is—’ + </p> + <p> + Is—what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda got up at five in + winter’s morning to bring her cruel mistress her tea; and instead of + finding her in a good humour, found Gruffy as cross as two sticks. The + Countess boxed Betsinda’s ears half a dozen times whilst she was dressing; + but as poor little Betsinda was used to this kind of treatment, she did + not feel any special alarm. ‘And now,’ says she, ‘when Her Majesty rings + her bell twice, I’ll trouble you, miss, to attend.’ + </p> + <p> + So when the Queen’s bell rang twice, Betsinda came to Her Majesty and made + a pretty little curtsey. The Queen, the Princess, and Gruffanuff were all + three in the room. As soon as they saw her they began, + </p> + <p> + ‘You wretch!’ says the Queen. + </p> + <p> + ‘You little vulgar thing!’ says the Princess. + </p> + <p> + ‘You beast!’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Get out of my sight!’ says the Queen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away with you, do!’ says the Princess. + </p> + <p> + ‘Quit the premises!’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Alas! and woe is me!’ very lamentable events had occurred to Betsinda + that morning, and all in consequence of that fatal warming-pan business of + the previous night. The King had offered to marry her; of course Her + Majesty the Queen was jealous: Bulbo had fallen in love with her; of + course Angelica was furious: Giglio was in love with her, and oh, what a + fury Gruffy was in! <br /><br /> ‘Take off that {cap } I gave you,’<br /> + {petticoat} they said, all<br /> {gown } at once,<br /> and began tearing + the clothes off poor Betsinda.<br /><br /> ‘How (the King?’ } cried the + Queen,<br /> dare you {Prince Bulbo?’ } the Princess, and<br /> flirt with + {Prince Giglio?’ } Countess.<br /> + </p> + <p> + ‘Give her the rags she wore when she came into the house, and turn her out + of it!’ cries the Queen. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mind she does not go with MY shoes on, which I lent her so kindly,’ says + the Princess; and indeed the Princess’s shoes were a great deal too big + for Betsinda. + </p> + <p> + ‘Come with me, you filthy hussy!’ and taking up the Queen’s poker, the + cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda into her room. + </p> + <p> + The Countess went to the glass box in which she had kept Betsinda’s old + cloak and shoe this ever so long, and said, ‘Take those rags, you little + beggar creature, and strip off everything belonging to honest people, and + go about your business’; and she actually tore off the poor little + delicate thing’s back almost all her things, and told her to be off out of + the house. + </p> + <p> + Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, on which were embroidered + the letters PRIN. . . ROSAL. . . and then came a great rent. + </p> + <p> + As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor little tootsey sandal? + the string was still to it, so she hung it round her neck. + </p> + <p> + ‘Won’t you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the snow, mum, if you + please, mum?’ cried the poor child. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, you wicked beast!’ says Gruffanuff, driving her along with the poker—driving + her down the cold stairs—driving her through the cold hall—flinging + her out into the cold street, so that the knocker itself shed tears to see + her! + </p> + <p> + But a kind fairy made the soft snow warm for her little feet, and she + wrapped herself up in the ermine of her mantle, and was gone! + </p> + <p> + ‘And now let us think about breakfast,’ says the greedy Queen. + </p> + <p> + ‘What dress shall I put on, mamma? the pink or the peagreen?’ says + Angelica. ‘Which do you think the dear Prince will like best?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mrs. V.!’ sings out the King from his dressing-room, ‘let us have + sausages for breakfast! Remember we have Prince Bulbo staying with us!’ + </p> + <p> + And they all went to get ready. + </p> + <p> + Nine o’clock came, and they were all in the breakfast-room, and no Prince + Bulbo as yet. The urn was hissing and humming: the muffins were smoking—such + a heap of muffins! the eggs were done, there was a pot of raspberry jam, + and coffee, and a beautiful chicken and tongue on the side-table. + Marmitonio the cook brought in the sausages. Oh, how nice they smelt! + </p> + <p> + ‘Where is Bulbo?’ said the King. ‘John, where is His Royal Highness?’ John + said he had a took hup His Roilighnessesses shaving-water, and his clothes + and things, and he wasn’t in his room, which he sposed His Royliness was + just stepped trout. + </p> + <p> + ‘Stepped out before breakfast in the snow! Impossible!’ says the King, + sticking his fork into a sausage. ‘My dear, take one. Angelica, won’t you + have a saveloy?’ The Princess took one, being very fond of them; and at + this moment Glumboso entered with Captain Hedzoff, both looking very much + disturbed. + </p> + <p> + ‘I am afraid Your Majesty—’ cries Glumboso. + </p> + <p> + ‘No business before breakfast, Glum!’ says the King.’ Breakfast first, + business next. Mrs. V., some more sugar!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sire, I am afraid if we wait till after breakfast it will be too late,’ + says Glumboso. ‘He—he—he’ll be hanged at half-past nine.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, you unkind, vulgar man + you,’ cries the Princess. ‘John, some mustard. Pray who is to be hanged?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sire, it is the Prince,’ whispers Glumboso to the King. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!’ says His Majesty, quite + sulky. + </p> + <p> + ‘We shall have a war, Sire, depend on it,’ says the Minister. ‘His father, + King Padella. . .’ + </p> + <p> + ‘His father, King WHO?’ says the King. ‘King Padella is not Giglio’s + father. My brother, King Savio, was Giglio’s father.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince Giglio,’ says the + Prime Minister. + </p> + <p> + ‘You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the ugly one,’ says Hedzoff. + ‘I didn’t, of course, think Your Majesty intended to murder your own flesh + and blood!’ + </p> + <p> + The King for all reply flung the plate of sausages at Hedzoff’s head. The + Princess cried out ‘Hee-kareekaree!’ and fell down in a fainting fit. + </p> + <p> + ‘Turn the cock of the urn upon Her Royal Highness,’ said the King, and the + boiling water gradually revived her. His Majesty looked at his watch, + compared it by the clock in the parlour, and by that of the church in the + square opposite; then he wound it up; then he looked at it again. ‘The + great question is,’ says he, ‘am I fast or am I slow? If I’m slow, we may + as well go on with breakfast. If I’m fast, why, there is just the + possibility of saving Prince Bulbo. It’s a doosid awkward mistake, and + upon my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged too.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sire, I did but my duty; a soldier has but his orders. I didn’t expect + after forty-seven years of faithful service that my sovereign would think + of putting me to a felon’s death!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A hundred thousand plagues upon you! Can’t you see that while you are + talking my Bulbo is being hung?’ screamed the Princess. + </p> + <p> + ‘By Jove! she’s always right, that girl, and I’m so absent,’ says the + King, looking at his watch again. ‘Ha! there go the drums! What a doosid + awkward thing though!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, papa, you goose! Write the reprieve, and let me run with it,’ cries + the Princess—and she got a sheet of paper, and pen and ink, and laid + them before the King. + </p> + <p> + ‘Confound it! where are my spectacles?’ the Monarch exclaimed. ‘Angelica! + go up into my bedroom, look under my pillow, not your mamma’s; there + you’ll see my keys. Bring them down to me, and—Well, well! what + impetuous things these girls are!’ Angelica was gone, and had run up + panting to the bedroom, and found the keys, and was back again before the + King had finished a muffin. ‘Now, love,’ says he, ‘you must go all the way + back for my desk, in which my spectacles are. If you would but have heard + me out. . . Be hanged to her! There she is off again. Angelica! ANGELICA!’ + When His Majesty called in his LOUD voice, she knew she must obey, and + came back. + </p> + <p> + ‘My dear, when you go out of a room, how often have I told you, SHUT THE + DOOR. That’s a darling. That’s all.’ At last the keys and the desk and the + spectacles were got, and the King mended his pen, and signed his name to a + reprieve, and Angelica ran with it as swift as the wind. ‘You’d better + stay, my love, and finish the muffins. There’s no use going. Be sure it’s + too late. Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,’ said the Monarch. + ‘Bong! Bawong! There goes the half-hour. I knew it was.’ + </p> + <p> + Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up Fore Street, and down + High Street, and through the Market-place, and down to the left, and over + the bridge, and up the blind alley, and back again, and round by the + Castle, and so along by the Haberdasher’s on the right, opposite the + lamp-post, and round the square, and she came—she came to the + EXECUTION PLACE, where she saw Bulbo laying his head on the block!!! The + executioner raised his axe, but at that moment the Princess came panting + up and cried ‘Reprieve!’ ‘Reprieve!’ screamed the Princess. ‘Reprieve!’ + shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs she sprang, with the + agility of a lighter of lamps; and flinging herself in Bulbo’s arms, + regardless of all ceremony, she cried out, ‘Oh, my Prince! my lord! my + love! my Bulbo! Thine Angelica has been in time to save thy precious + existence, sweet rosebud; to prevent thy being nipped in thy young bloom! + Had aught befallen thee, Angelica too had died, and welcomed death that + joined her to her Bulbo.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘H’m! there’s no accounting for tastes,’ said Bulbo, looking so very much + puzzled and uncomfortable that the Princess, in tones of tenderest strain, + asked the cause of his disquiet. + </p> + <p> + ‘I tell you what it is, Angelica,’ said he, ‘since I came here yesterday, + there has been such a row, and disturbance, and quarrelling, and fighting, + and chopping of heads off, and the deuce to pay, that I am inclined to go + back to Crim Tartary.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo! Though wherever thou art is Crim + Tartary to me, my bold, my beautiful, my Bulbo!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, well, I suppose we must be married,’ says Bulbo. ‘Doctor, you came + to read the Funeral Service—read the Marriage Service, will you? + What must be, must. That will satisfy Angelica, and then, in the name of + peace and quietness, do let us go back to breakfast.’ + </p> + <p> + Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of the dismal ceremony. + It was a fairy rose, and he was told by his mother that he ought never to + part with it. So he had kept it between his teeth, even when he laid his + poor head upon the block, hoping vaguely that some chance would turn up in + his favour. As he began to speak to Angelica, he forgot about the rose, + and of course it dropped out of his mouth. The romantic Princess instantly + stooped and seized it. ‘Sweet rose!’ she exclaimed, ‘that bloomed upon my + Bulbo’s lip, never, never will I part from thee!’ and she placed it in her + bosom. And you know Bulbo COULDN’T ask her to give the rose back again. + And they went to breakfast; and as they walked, it appeared to Bulbo that + Angelica became more exquisitely lovely every moment. + </p> + <p> + He was frantic until they were married; and now, strange to say, it was + Angelica who didn’t care about him! He knelt down, he kissed her hand, he + prayed and begged; he cried with admiration; while she for her part said + she really thought they might wait; it seemed to her he was not handsome + any more—no, not at all, quite the reverse; and not clever, no, very + stupid; and not well bred, like Giglio; no, on the contrary, dreadfully + vul— + </p> + <p> + What, I cannot say, for King Valoroso roared out ‘POOH, stuff!’ in a + terrible voice. ‘We will have no more of this shilly-shallying! Call the + Archbishop, and let the Prince and Princess be married offhand!’ + </p> + <p> + So, married they were, and I am sure for my part I trust they will be + happy. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XII. HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER + </h2> + <p> + Betsinda wandered on and on, till she passed through the town gates, and + so on the great Crim Tartary road, the very way on which Giglio too was + going. ‘Ah!’ thought she, as the diligence passed her, of which the + conductor was blowing a delightful tune on his horn, ‘how I should like to + be on that coach!’ But the coach and the jingling horses were very soon + gone. She little knew who was in it, though very likely she was thinking + of him all the time. + </p> + <p> + Then came an empty cart, returning from market; and the driver being a + kind man, and seeing such a very pretty girl trudging along the road with + bare feet, most good-naturedly gave her a seat. He said he lived on the + confines of the forest, where his old father was a woodman, and, if she + liked, he would take her so far on her road. All roads were the same to + little Betsinda, so she very thankfully took this one. + </p> + <p> + And the carter put a cloth round her bare feet, and gave her some bread + and cold bacon, and was very kind to her. For all that she was very cold + and melancholy. When after travelling on and on, evening came, and all the + black pines were bending with snow, and there, at last, was the + comfortable light beaming in the woodman’s windows; and so they arrived, + and went into his cottage. He was an old man, and had a number of + children, who were just at supper, with nice hot bread-and-milk, when + their elder brother arrived with the cart. And they jumped and clapped + their hands; for they were good children; and he had brought them toys + from the town. And when they saw the pretty stranger, they ran to her, and + brought her to the fire, and rubbed her poor little feet, and brought her + bread and milk. + </p> + <p> + ‘Look, father!’ they said to the old woodman, ‘look at this poor girl, and + see what pretty cold feet she has. They are as white as our milk! And look + and see what an odd cloak she has, just like the bit of velvet that hangs + up in our cupboard, and which you found that day the little cubs were + killed by King Padella, in the forest! And look, why, bless us all! she + has got round her neck just such another little shoe as that you brought + home, and have shown us so often—a little blue velvet shoe!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What,’ said the old woodman, ‘what is all this about a shoe and a cloak?’ + </p> + <p> + And Betsinda explained that she had been left, when quite a little child, + at the town with this cloak and this shoe. And the persons who had taken + care of her had—had been angry with her, for no fault, she hoped, of + her own. And they had sent her away with her old clothes—and here, + in fact, she was. She remembered having been in a forest—and perhaps + it was a dream—it was so very odd and strange—having lived in + a cave with lions there; and, before that, having lived in a very, very + fine house, as fine as the King’s, in the town. + </p> + <p> + When the woodman heard this, he was so astonished, it was quite curious to + see how astonished he was. He went to his cupboard, and took out of a + stocking a five-shilling piece of King Cavolfiore, and vowed it was + exactly like the young woman. And then he produced the shoe and piece of + velvet which he had kept so long, and compared them with the things which + Betsinda wore. In Betsinda’s little shoe was written, ‘Hopkins, maker to + the Royal Family’; so in the other shoe was written, ‘Hopkins, maker to + the Royal Family.’ In the inside of Betsinda’s piece of cloak was + embroidered, ‘PRIN ROSAL’; in the other piece of cloak was embroidered + ‘CESS BA. NO. 246.’ So that when put together you read, ‘PRINCESS ROSALBA. + NO. 246.’ + </p> + <p> + On seeing this, the dear old woodman fell down on his knee, saying, ‘O my + Princess, O my gracious royal lady, O my rightful Queen of Crim Tartary,—I + hail thee—I acknowledge thee—I do thee homage!’ And in token + of his fealty, he rubbed his venerable nose three times on the ground, and + put the Princess’s foot on his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why,’ said she, ‘my good woodman, you must be a nobleman of my royal + father’s Court!’ For in her lowly retreat, and under the name of Betsinda, + HER MAJESTY, ROSALBA, Queen of Crim Tartary, had read of the customs of + all foreign courts and nations. + </p> + <p> + ‘Marry, indeed, am I, my gracious liege—the poor Lord Spinachi once—the + humble woodman these fifteen years syne. Ever since the tyrant Padella + (may ruin overtake the treacherous knave!) dismissed me from my post of + First Lord.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘First Lord of the Toothpick and Joint Keeper of the Snuffbox? I mind me! + Thou heldest these posts under our royal Sire. They are restored to thee, + Lord Spinachi! I make thee knight of the second class of our Order of the + Pumpkin (the first class being reserved for crowned heads alone). Rise, + Marquis of Spinachi!’ And with indescribable majesty, the Queen, who had + no sword handy, waved the pewter spoon with which she had been taking her + bread-and-milk, over the bald head of the old nobleman, whose tears + absolutely made a puddle on the ground, and whose dear children went to + bed that night Lords and Ladies Bartolomeo, Ubaldo, Catarina, and Ottavia + degli Spinachi! + </p> + <p> + The acquaintance HER MAJESTY showed with the history, and noble families + of her empire, was wonderful. ‘The House of Broccoli should remain + faithful to us,’ she said; ‘they were ever welcome at our Court. Have the + Articiocchi, as was their wont, turned to the Rising Sun? The family of + Sauerkraut must sure be with us—they were ever welcome in the halls + of King Cavolfiore.’ And so she went on enumerating quite a list of the + nobility and gentry of Crim Tartary, so admirably had Her Majesty profited + by her studies while in exile. + </p> + <p> + The old Marquis of Spinachi said he could answer for them all; that the + whole country groaned under Padella’s tyranny, and longed to return to its + rightful sovereign; and late as it was, he sent his children, who knew the + forest well, to summon this nobleman and that; and when his eldest son, + who had been rubbing the horse down and giving him his supper, came into + the house for his own, the Marquis told him to put his boots on, and a + saddle on the mare, and ride hither and thither to such and such people. + </p> + <p> + When the young man heard who his companion in the cart had been, he too + knelt down and put her royal foot on his head; he too bedewed the ground + with his tears; he was frantically in love with her, as everybody now was + who saw her: so were the young Lords Bartolomeo and Ubaldo, who punched + each other’s little heads out of jealousy; and so, when they came from + east and west at the summons of the Marquis degli Spinachi, were the Crim + Tartar Lords who still remained faithful to the House of Cavolfiore. They + were such very old gentlemen for the most part that Her Majesty never + suspected their absurd passion, and went among them quite unaware of the + havoc her beauty was causing, until an old blind Lord who had joined her + party told her what the truth was; after which, for fear of making the + people too much in love with her, she always wore a veil. She went about + privately, from one nobleman’s castle to another; and they visited among + themselves again, and had meetings, and composed proclamations and + counter-proclamations, and distributed all the best places of the kingdom + amongst one another, and selected who of the opposition party should be + executed when the Queen came to her own. And so in about a year they were + ready to move. + </p> + <p> + The party of Fidelity was in truth composed of very feeble old fogies for + the most part; they went about the country waving their old swords and + flags, and calling ‘God save the Queen!’ and King Padella happening to be + absent upon an invasion, they had their own way for a little, and to be + sure the people were very enthusiastic whenever they saw the Queen; + otherwise the vulgar took matters very quietly, for they said, as far as + they could recollect, they were pretty well as much taxed in Cavolfiore’s + time, as now in Padella’s. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIII. HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD COUNT HOGGINARMO + </h2> + <p> + Her Majesty, having indeed nothing else to give, made all her followers + Knights of the Pumpkin, and Marquises, Earls, and Baronets; and they had a + little court for her, and made her a little crown of gilt paper, and a + robe of cotton velvet; and they quarrelled about the places to be given + away in her court, and about rank and precedence and dignities;—you + can’t think how they quarrelled! The poor Queen was very tired of her + honours before she had had them a month, and I dare say sighed sometimes + even to be a lady’s-maid again. But we must all do our duty in our + respective stations, so the Queen resigned herself to perform hers. + </p> + <p> + We have said how it happened that none of the Usurper’s troops came out to + oppose this Army of Fidelity: it pottered along as nimbly as the gout of + the principal commanders allowed: it consisted of twice as many officers + as soldiers: and at length passed near the estates of one of the most + powerful noblemen of the country, who had not declared for the Queen, but + of whom her party had hopes, as he was always quarrelling with King + Padella. + </p> + <p> + When they came close to his park gates, this nobleman sent to say he would + wait upon Her Majesty: he was a most powerful warrior, and his name was + Count Hogginarmo, whose helmet it took two strong negroes to carry. He + knelt down before her and said, ‘Madam and liege lady! it becomes the + great nobles of the Crimean realm to show every outward sign of respect to + the wearer of the Crown, whoever that may be. We testify to our own + nobility in acknowledging yours. The bold Hogginarmo bends the knee to the + first of the aristocracy of his country.’ + </p> + <p> + Rosalba said, ‘The bold Count of Hogginarmo was uncommonly kind.’ But she + felt afraid of him, even while he was kneeling, and his eyes scowled at + her from between his whiskers, which grew up to them. + </p> + <p> + ‘The first Count of the Empire, madam,’ he went on, ‘salutes the + Sovereign. The Prince addresses himself to the not more noble lady! Madam, + my hand is free, and I offer it, and my heart and my sword to your + service! My three wives lie buried in my ancestral vaults. The third + perished but a year since; and this heart pines for a consort! Deign to be + mine, and I swear to bring to your bridal table the head of King Padella, + the eyes and nose of his son Prince Bulbo, the right hand and ears of the + usurping Sovereign of Paflagonia, which country shall thenceforth be an + appanage to your—to OUR Crown! Say yes; Hogginarmo is not accustomed + to be denied. Indeed I cannot contemplate the possibility of a refusal: + for frightful will be the result; dreadful the murders; furious the + devastations; horrible the tyranny; tremendous the tortures, misery, + taxation, which the people of this realm will endure, if Hogginarmo’s + wrath be aroused! I see consent in Your Majesty’s lovely eyes—their + glances fill my soul with rapture!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, sir!’ Rosalba said, withdrawing her hand in great fright. ‘Your + Lordship is exceedingly kind; but I am sorry to tell you that I have a + prior attachment to a young gentleman by the name of—Prince Giglio—and + never—never can marry any one but him.’ + </p> + <p> + Who can describe Hogginarmo’s wrath at this remark? Rising up from the + ground, he ground his teeth so that fire flashed out of his mouth, from + which at the same time issued remarks and language, so LOUD, VIOLENT, AND + IMPROPER, that this pen shall never repeat them! ‘R-r-r-r-rr—Rejected! + Fiends and perdition! The bold Hogginarmo rejected! All the world shall + hear of my rage; and you, madam, you above all shall rue it!’ And kicking + the two negroes before him, he rushed away, his whiskers streaming in the + wind. + </p> + <p> + Her Majesty’s Privy Council was in a dreadful panic when they saw + Hogginarmo issue from the royal presence in such a towering rage, making + footballs of the poor negroes—a panic which the events justified. + They marched off from Hogginarmo’s park very crestfallen; and in another + half-hour they were met by that rapacious chieftain with a few of his + followers, who cut, slashed, charged, whacked, banged, and pommelled + amongst them, took the Queen prisoner, and drove the Army of Fidelity to I + don’t know where. + </p> + <p> + Poor Queen! Hogginarmo, her conqueror, would not condescend to see her. + ‘Get a horse-van!’ he said to his grooms, ‘clap the hussy into it, and + send her, with my compliments, to His Majesty King Padella.’ + </p> + <p> + Along with his lovely prisoner, Hogginarmo sent a letter full of servile + compliments and loathsome flatteries to King Padella, for whose life, and + that of his royal family, the HYPOCRITICAL HUMBUG pretended to offer the + most fulsome prayers. And Hogginarmo promised speedily to pay his humble + homage at his august master’s throne, of which he begged leave to be + counted the most loyal and constant defender. Such a WARY old BIRD as King + Padella was not to be caught by Master Hogginarmo’s CHAFF and we shall + hear presently how the tyrant treated his upstart vassal. No, no; depend + on’s, two such rogues do not trust one another. + </p> + <p> + So this poor Queen was laid in the straw like Margery Daw, and driven + along in the dark ever so many miles to the Court, where King Padella had + now arrived, having vanquished all his enemies, murdered most of them, and + brought some of the richest into captivity with him for the purpose of + torturing them and finding out where they had hidden their money. + </p> + <p> + Rosalba heard their shrieks and groans in the dungeon in which she was + thrust; a most awful black hole, full of bats, rats, mice, toads, frogs, + mosquitoes, bugs, fleas, serpents, and every kind of horror. No light was + let into it, otherwise the gaolers might have seen her and fallen in love + with her, as an owl that lived up in the roof of the tower did, and a cat, + you know, who can see in the dark, and having set its green eyes on + Rosalba, never would be got to go back to the turnkey’s wife to whom it + belonged. And the toads in the dungeon came and kissed her feet, and the + vipers wound round her neck and arms, and never hurt her, so charming was + this poor Princess in the midst of her misfortunes. + </p> + <p> + At last, after she had been kept in this place EVER SO LONG, the door of + the dungeon opened, and the terrible KING PADELLA came in. + </p> + <p> + But what he said and did must be reserved for another chapter, as we must + now back to Prince Giglio. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIV. WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO + </h2> + <p> + The idea of marrying such an old creature as Gruffanuff frightened Prince + Giglio so, that he ran up to his room, packed his trunks, fetched in a + couple of porters, and was off to the diligence office in a twinkling. + </p> + <p> + It was well that he was so quick in his operations, did not dawdle over + his luggage, and took the early coach, for as soon as the mistake about + Prince Bulbo was found out, that cruel Glumboso sent up a couple of + policemen to Prince Giglio’s room, with orders that he should be carried + to Newgate, and his head taken off before twelve o’clock. But the coach + was out of the Paflagonian dominions before two o’clock; and I dare say + the express that was sent after Prince Giglio did not ride very quick, for + many people in Paflagonia had a regard for Giglio, as the son of their old + sovereign; a Prince who, with all his weaknesses, was very much better + than his brother, the usurping, lazy, careless, passionate, tyrannical, + reigning monarch. That Prince busied himself with the balls, fetes, + masquerades, hunting-parties, and so forth, which he thought proper to + give on occasion of his daughter’s marriage to Prince Bulbo; and let us + trust was not sorry in his own heart that his brother’s son had escaped + the scaffold. + </p> + <p> + It was very cold weather, and the snow was on the ground, and Giglio, who + gave his name as simple Mr. Giles, was very glad to get a comfortable + place in the coupe of the diligence, where he sat with the conductor and + another gentleman. At the first stage from Blombodinga, as they stopped to + change horses, there came up to the diligence a very ordinary, + vulgar-looking woman, with a bag under her arm, who asked for a place. All + the inside places were taken, and the young woman was informed that if she + wished to travel, she must go upon the roof; and the passenger inside with + Giglio (a rude person, I should think), put his head out of the window, + and said, ‘Nice weather for travelling outside! I wish you a pleasant + journey, my dear.’ The poor woman coughed very much, and Giglio pitied + her. ‘I will give up my place to her,’ says he, ‘rather than she should + travel in the cold air with that horrid cough.’ On which the vulgar + traveller said, ‘YOU’D keep her warm, I am sure, if it’s a MUFF she + wants.’ On which Giglio pulled his nose, boxed his ears, hit him in the + eye, and gave this vulgar person a warning never to call him MUFF again. + </p> + <p> + Then he sprang up gaily on to the roof of the diligence, and made himself + very comfortable in the straw. + </p> + <p> + The vulgar traveller got down only at the next station, and Giglio took + his place again, and talked to the person next to him. She appeared to be + a most agreeable, well-informed, and entertaining female. They travelled + together till night, and she gave Giglio all sorts of things out of the + bag which she carried, and which indeed seemed to contain the most + wonderful collection of articles. He was thirsty—out there came a + pint bottle of Bass’s pale ale, and a silver mug! Hungry—she took + out a cold fowl, some slices of ham, bread, salt, and a most delicious + piece of cold plum-pudding, and a little glass of brandy afterwards. + </p> + <p> + As they travelled, this plain-looking, queer woman talked to Giglio on a + variety of subjects, in which the poor Prince showed his ignorance as much + as she did her capacity. He owned, with many blushes, how ignorant he was; + on which the lady said, ‘My dear Gigl—my good Mr. Giles, you are a + young man, and have plenty of time before you. You have nothing to do but + to improve yourself. Who knows but that you may find use for your + knowledge some day? When—when you may be wanted at home, as some + people may be.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Good heavens, madam!’ says he, ‘do you know me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I know a number of funny things,’ says the lady. ‘I have been at some + people’s christenings, and turned away from other folks’ doors. I have + seen some people spoilt by good fortune, and others, as I hope, improved + by hardship. I advise you to stay at the town where the coach stops for + the night. Stay there and study, and remember your old friend to whom you + were kind.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And who is my old friend?’ asked Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘When you want anything,’ says the lady, ‘look in this bag, which I leave + to you as a present, and be grateful to—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To whom, madam?’ says he. + </p> + <p> + ‘To the Fairy Blackstick,’ says the lady, flying out of the window. And + then Giglio asked the conductor if he knew where the lady was? + </p> + <p> + ‘What lady?’ says the man; ‘there has been no lady in this coach, except + the old woman, who got out at the last stage.’ And Giglio thought he had + been dreaming. But there was the bag which Blackstick had given him lying + on his lap; and when he came to the town he took it in his hand and went + into the inn. + </p> + <p> + They gave him a very bad bedroom, and Giglio, when he woke in the morning, + fancying himself in the Royal Palace at home, called, ‘John, Charles, + Thomas! My chocolate—my dressing-gown—my slippers’; but nobody + came. There was no bell, so he went and bawled out for water on the top of + the stairs. + </p> + <p> + The landlady came up. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you a hollering and a bellaring for here, young man?’ says she. + </p> + <p> + ‘There’s no warm water—no servants; my boots are not even cleaned.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘He, he! Clean ‘em yourself,’ says the landlady. ‘You young students give + yourselves pretty airs. I never heard such impudence.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll quit the house this instant,’ says Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘The sooner the better, young man. Pay your bill and be off. All my rooms + is wanted for gentlefolks, and not for such as you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You may well keep the Bear Inn,’ said Giglio. ‘You should have yourself + painted as the sign.’ + </p> + <p> + The landlady of the Bear went away GROWLING. And Giglio returned to his + room, where the first thing he saw was the fairy bag lying on the table, + which seemed to give a little hop as he came in. ‘I hope it has some + breakfast in it,’ says Giglio, ‘for I have only a very little money left.’ + But on opening the bag, what do you think was there? A blacking-brush and + a pot of Warren’s jet, and on the pot was written: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Poor young men their boots must black: + Use me and cork me and put me back. +</pre> + <p> + So Giglio laughed and blacked his boots, and put back the brush and the + bottle into the bag. + </p> + <p> + When he had done dressing himself, the bag gave another little hop, and he + went to it and took out— + </p> + <p> + 1. A tablecloth and a napkin. + </p> + <p> + 2. A sugar-basin full of the best loaf-sugar. + </p> + <p> + 4, 6, 8, 10. Two forks, two teaspoons, two knives, and a pair of + sugar-tongs, and a butter-knife all marked G. + </p> + <p> + 11, 12, 13. A teacup, saucer, and slop-basin. + </p> + <p> + 14. A jug full of delicious cream. + </p> + <p> + 15. A canister with black tea and green. + </p> + <p> + 16. A large tea-urn and boiling water. + </p> + <p> + 17. A saucepan, containing three eggs nicely done. + </p> + <p> + 18. A quarter of a pound of best Epping butter. + </p> + <p> + 19. A brown loaf. + </p> + <p> + And if he hadn’t enough now for a good breakfast, I should like to know + who ever had one? + </p> + <p> + Giglio, having had his breakfast, popped all the things back into the bag, + and went out looking for lodgings. I forgot to say that this celebrated + university town was called Bosforo. + </p> + <p> + He took a modest lodging opposite the Schools, paid his bill at the inn, + and went to his apartment with his trunk, carpet-bag, and not forgetting, + we may be sure, his OTHER bag. + </p> + <p> + When he opened his trunk, which the day before he had filled with his best + clothes, he found it contained only books. And in the first of them which + he opened there was written— + </p> + <p> + Clothes for the back, books for the head: Read and remember them when they + are read. + </p> + <p> + And in his bag, when Giglio looked in it, he found a student’s cap and + gown, a writing-book full of paper, an inkstand, pens, and a Johnson’s + dictionary, which was very useful to him, as his spelling had been sadly + neglected. + </p> + <p> + So he sat down and worked away, very, very hard for a whole year, during + which ‘Mr. Giles’ was quite an example to all the students in the + University of Bosforo. He never got into any riots or disturbances. The + Professors all spoke well of him, and the students liked him too; so that, + when at examination, he took all the prizes, viz. <br /> <br /> {The + Spelling Prize {The French Prize<br /> {The Writing Prize {The Arithmetic + Prize<br /> {The History Prize {The Latin Prize<br /> {The Catechism Prize + {The Good Conduct Prize, + </p> + <p> + all his fellow-students said, ‘Hurrah! Hurray for Giles! Giles is the boy—the + student’s joy! Hurray for Giles!’ And he brought quite a quantity of + medals, crowns, books, and tokens of distinction home to his lodgings. + </p> + <p> + One day after the Examinations, as he was diverting himself at a + coffee-house with two friends—(Did I tell you that in his bag, every + Saturday night, he found just enough to pay his bills, with a guinea over, + for pocket-money? Didn’t I tell you? Well, he did, as sure as twice twenty + makes forty-five)—he chanced to look in the Bosforo Chronicle, and + read off, quite easily (for he could spell, read, and write the longest + words now), the following:— + </p> + <p> + ‘ROMANTIC CIRCUMSTANCE.—One of the most extraordinary adventures + that we have ever heard has set the neighbouring country of Crim Tartary + in a state of great excitement. + </p> + <p> + ‘It will be remembered that when the present revered sovereign of Crim + Tartary, His Majesty King PADELLA, took possession of the throne, after + having vanquished, in the terrific battle of Blunderbusco, the late King + CAVOLFIORE, that Prince’s only child, the Princess Rosalba, was not found + in the royal palace, of which King Padella took possession, and, it was + said, had strayed into the forest (being abandoned by all her attendants) + where she had been eaten up by those ferocious lions, the last pair of + which were captured some time since, and brought to the Tower, after + killing several hundred persons. + </p> + <p> + ‘His Majesty King Padella, who has the kindest heart in the world, was + grieved at the accident which had occurred to the harmless little + Princess, for whom His Majesty’s known benevolence would certainly have + provided a fitting establishment. But her death seemed to be certain. The + mangled remains of a cloak, and a little shoe, were found in the forest, + during a hunting-party, in which the intrepid sovereign of Crim Tartary + slew two of the lions’ cubs with his own spear. And these interesting + relics of an innocent little creature were carried home and kept by their + finder, the Baron Spinachi, formerly an officer in Cavolfiore’s household. + The Baron was disgraced in consequence of his known legitimist opinions, + and has lived for some time in the humble capacity of a wood-cutter, in a + forest on the outskirts of the Kingdom of Crim Tartary. + </p> + <p> + ‘Last Tuesday week Baron Spinachi and a number of gentlemen, attached to + the former dynasty, appeared in arms, crying, “God save Rosalba, the first + Queen of Crim Tartary!” and surrounding a lady whom report describes as + “BEAUTIFUL EXCEEDINGLY.” Her history MAY be authentic, is certainly most + romantic. + </p> + <p> + ‘The personage calling herself Rosalba states that she was brought out of + the forest, fifteen years since, by a lady in a car drawn by dragons (this + account is certainly IMPROBABLE), that she was left in the Palace Garden + of Blombodinga, where Her Royal Highness the Princess Angelica, now + married to His Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of Crim Tartary, found + the child, and, with THAT ELEGANT BENEVOLENCE which has always + distinguished the heiress of the throne of Paflagonia, gave the little + outcast a SHELTER AND A HOME! Her parentage not being known, and her garb + very humble, the foundling was educated in the Palace in a menial + capacity, under the name of BETSINDA. + </p> + <p> + ‘She did not give satisfaction, and was dismissed, carrying with her, + certainly, part of a mantle and a shoe, which she had on when first found. + According to her statement she quitted Blombodinga about a year ago, since + which time she has been with the Spinachi family. On the very same morning + the Prince Giglio, nephew to the King of Paflagonia, a young Prince whose + character for TALENT and ORDER were, to say truth, none of the HIGHEST, + also quitted Blombodinga, and has not been since heard of!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What an extraordinary story!’ said Smith and Jones, two young students, + Giglio’s especial friends. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha! what is this?’ Giglio went on, reading— + </p> + <p> + ‘SECOND EDITION, EXPRESS.—We hear that the troop under Baron + Spinachi has been surrounded, and utterly routed, by General Count + Hogginarmo, and the soidisant Princess is sent a prisoner to the capital. + </p> + <p> + ‘UNIVERSITY NEWS.—Yesterday, at the Schools, the distinguished young + student, Mr. Giles, read a Latin oration, and was complimented by the + Chancellor of Bosforo, Dr. Prugnaro, with the highest University honour—the + wooden spoon.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never mind that stuff,’ says GILES, greatly disturbed. ‘Come home with + me, my friends. Gallant Smith! intrepid Jones! friends of my studies—partakers + of my academic toils—I have that to tell which shall astonish your + honest minds.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go it, old boy!’ cries the impetuous Smith. + </p> + <p> + ‘Talk away, my buck!’ says Jones, a lively fellow. + </p> + <p> + With an air of indescribable dignity, Giglio checked their natural, but no + more seemly, familiarity. ‘Jones, Smith, my good friends,’ said the + PRINCE, ‘disguise is henceforth useless; I am no more the humble student + Giles, I am the descendant of a royal line.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Atavis edite regibus, I know, old co—’ cried Jones. He was going to + say old cock, but a flash from THE ROYAL EYE again awed him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Friends,’ continued the Prince, ‘I am that Giglio, I am, in fact, + Paflagonia. Rise, Smith, and kneel not in the public street. Jones, thou + true heart! My faithless uncle, when I was a baby, filched from me that + brave crown my father left me, bred me, all young and careless of my + rights, like unto hapless Hamlet, Prince of Denmark; and had I any + thoughts about my wrongs, soothed me with promises of near redress. I + should espouse his daughter, young Angelica; we two indeed should reign in + Paflagonia. His words were false—false as Angelica’s heart!—false + as Angelica’s hair, colour, front teeth! She looked with her skew eyes + upon young Bulbo, Crim Tartary’s stupid heir, and she preferred him.’ Twas + then I turned my eyes upon Betsinda—Rosalba, as she now is. And I + saw in her the blushing sum of all perfection; the pink of maiden modesty; + the nymph that my fond heart had ever woo’d in dreams,’ etc. etc. + </p> + <p> + (I don’t give this speech, which was very fine, but very long; and though + Smith and Jones knew nothing about the circumstances, my dear reader does, + so I go on.) + </p> + <p> + The Prince and his young friends hastened home to his apartment, highly + excited by the intelligence, as no doubt by the ROYAL NARRATOR’S admirable + manner of recounting it, and they ran up to his room where he had worked + so hard at his books. + </p> + <p> + On his writing-table was his bag, grown so long that the Prince could not + help remarking it. He went to it, opened it, and what do you think he + found in it? + </p> + <p> + A splendid long, gold-handled, red-velvet-scabbarded, cut-and-thrust + sword, and on the sheath was embroidered ‘ROSALBA FOR EVER!’ + </p> + <p> + He drew out the sword, which flashed and illuminated the whole room, and + called out ‘Rosalba for ever!’ Smith and Jones following him, but quite + respectfully this time, and taking the time from His Royal Highness. + </p> + <p> + And now his trunk opened with a sudden pony, and out there came three + ostrich feathers in a gold crown, surrounding a beautiful shining steel + helmet, a cuirass, a pair of spurs, finally a complete suit of armour. + </p> + <p> + The books on Giglio’s shelves were all gone. Where there had been some + great dictionaries, Giglio’s friends found two pairs of jack-boots + labelled, ‘Lieutenant Smith,’ ‘—Jones, Esq.,’ which fitted them to a + nicety. Besides, there were helmets, back and breast plates, swords, etc., + just like in Mr. G. P. R. James’s novels; and that evening three cavaliers + might have been seen issuing from the gates of Bosforo, in whom the + porters, proctors, etc., never thought of recognising the young Prince and + his friends. + </p> + <p> + They got horses at a livery stable-keeper’s, and never drew bridle until + they reached the last town on the frontier before you come to Crim + Tartary. Here, as their animals were tired, and the cavaliers hungry, they + stopped and refreshed at an hostel. I could make a chapter of this if I + were like some writers, but I like to cram my measure tight down, you see, + and give you a great deal for your money, and, in a word, they had some + bread and cheese and ale upstairs on the balcony of the inn. As they were + drinking, drums and trumpets sounded nearer and nearer, the marketplace + was filled with soldiers, and His Royal Highness looking forth, recognised + the Paflagonian banners, and the Paflagonian national air which the bands + were playing. + </p> + <p> + The troops all made for the tavern at once, and as they came up Giglio + exclaimed, on beholding their leader, ‘Whom do I see? Yes! No! It is, it + is! Phoo! No, it can’t be! Yes! It is my friend, my gallant faithful + veteran, Captain Hedzoff! Ho! Hedzoff! Knowest thou not thy Prince, thy + Giglio? Good Corporal, methinks we once were friends. Ha, Sergeant, an’ my + memory serves me right, we have had many a bout at singlestick.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ faith, we have, a many, good my Lord,’ says the Sergeant. + </p> + <p> + ‘Tell me, what means this mighty armament,’ continued His Royal Highness + from the balcony, ‘and whither march my Paflagonians?’ + </p> + <p> + Hedzoff’s head fell. ‘My Lord,’ he said, ‘we march as the allies of great + Padella, Crim Tartary’s monarch.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Crim Tartary’s usurper, gallant Hedzoff! Crim Tartary’s grim tyrant, + honest Hedzoff!’ said the Prince, on the balcony, quite sarcastically. + </p> + <p> + ‘A soldier, Prince, must needs obey his orders: mine are to help His + Majesty Padella. And also (though alack that I should say it!) to seize + wherever I should light upon him.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘First catch your hare! ha, Hedzoff!’ exclaimed His Royal Highness. + </p> + <p> + ‘—On the body of GIGLIO, whilome Prince of Paflagonia’ Hedzoff went + on, with indescribable emotion. ‘My Prince, give up your sword without + ado. Look! we are thirty thousand men to one!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Give up my sword! Giglio give up his sword!’ cried the Prince; and + stepping well forward on to the balcony, the royal youth, WITHOUT + PREPARATION, delivered a speech so magnificent, that no report can do + justice to it. It was all in blank verse (in which, from this time, he + invariably spoke, as more becoming his majestic station). It lasted for + three days and three nights, during which not a single person who heard + him was tired, or remarked the difference between daylight and dark. The + soldiers only cheering tremendously, when occasionally, once in nine + hours, the Prince paused to suck an orange, which Jones took out of the + bag. He explained, in terms which we say we shall not attempt to convey, + the whole history of the previous transaction, and his determination not + only not to give up his sword, but to assume his rightful crown; and at + the end of this extraordinary, this truly GIGANTIC effort, Captain Hedzoff + flung up his helmet, and cried, ‘Hurray! Hurray! Long live King Giglio!’ + </p> + <p> + Such were the consequences of having employed his time well at College! + </p> + <p> + When the excitement had ceased, beer was ordered out for the army, and + their Sovereign himself did not disdain a little! And now it was with some + alarm that Captain Hedzoff told him his division was only the advanced + guard of the Paflagonian contingent, hastening to King Padella’s aid; the + main force being a day’s march in the rear under His Royal Highness Prince + Bulbo. + </p> + <p> + ‘We will wait here, good friend, to beat the Prince,’ His Majesty said, + ‘and THEN will make his royal father wince.’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XV. WE RETURN TO ROSALBA + </h2> + <p> + King Padella made very similar proposals to Rosalba to those which she had + received from the various princes who, as we have seen, had fallen in love + with her. His Majesty was a widower, and offered to marry his fair captive + that instant, but she declined his invitation in her usual polite gentle + manner, stating that Prince Giglio was her love, and that any other union + was out of the question. Having tried tears and supplications in vain, + this violent-tempered monarch menaced her with threats and tortures; but + she declared she would rather suffer all these than accept the hand of her + father’s murderer, who left her finally, uttering the most awful + imprecations, and bidding her prepare for death on the following morning. + </p> + <p> + All night long the King spent in advising how he should get rid of this + obdurate young creature. Cutting off her head was much too easy a death + for her; hanging was so common in His Majesty’s dominions that it no + longer afforded him any sport; finally, he bethought himself of a pair of + fierce lions which had lately been sent to him as presents, and he + determined, with these ferocious brutes, to hunt poor Rosalba down. + Adjoining his castle was an amphitheatre where the Prince indulged in + bull-baiting, rat-hunting, and other ferocious sports. The two lions were + kept in a cage under this place; their roaring might be heard over the + whole city, the inhabitants of which, I am sorry to say, thronged in + numbers to see a poor young lady gobbled up by two wild beasts. + </p> + <p> + The King took his place in the royal box, having the officers of his Court + around and the Count Hogginarmo by his side, upon whom His Majesty was + observed to look very fiercely; the fact is, royal spies had told the + monarch of Hogginarmo’s behaviour, his proposals to Rosalba, and his offer + to fight for the crown. Black as thunder looked King Padella at this proud + noble, as they sat in the front seats of the theatre waiting to see the + tragedy whereof poor Rosalba was to be the heroine. + </p> + <p> + At length that Princess was brought out in her nightgown, with all her + beautiful hair falling down her back, and looking so pretty that even the + beef-eaters and keepers of the wild animals wept plentifully at seeing + her. And she walked with her poor little feet (only luckily the arena was + covered with sawdust), and went and leaned up against a great stone in the + centre of the amphitheatre, round which the Court and the people were + seated in boxes, with bars before them, for fear of the great, fierce, + red-maned, black-throated, long-tailed, roaring, bellowing, rushing lions. + And now the gates were opened, and with a wurrawarrurawarar two great + lean, hungry, roaring lions rushed out of their den, where they had been + kept for three weeks on nothing but a little toast-and-water, and dashed + straight up to the stone where poor Rosalba was waiting. Commend her to + your patron saints, all you kind people, for she is in a dreadful state! + </p> + <p> + There was a hum and a buzz all through the circus, and the fierce King + Padella even felt a little compassion. But Count Hogginarmo, seated by His + Majesty, roared out ‘Hurray! Now for it! Soo-soo-soo!’ that nobleman being + uncommonly angry still at Rosalba’s refusal of him. + </p> + <p> + But O strange event! O remarkable circumstance! O extraordinary + coincidence, which I am sure none of you could BY ANY POSSIBILITY have + divined! When the lions came to Rosalba, instead of devouring her with + their great teeth, it was with kisses they gobbled her up! They licked her + pretty feet, they nuzzled their noses in her lap, they moo’d, they seemed + to say, ‘Dear, dear sister don’t you recollect your brothers in the + forest?’ And she put her pretty white arms round their tawny necks, and + kissed them. + </p> + <p> + King Padella was immensely astonished. The Count Hogginarmo was extremely + disgusted. ‘Pooh!’ the Count cried. ‘Gammon!’ exclaimed his Lordship.’ + These lions are tame beasts come from Wombwell’s or Astley’s. It is a + shame to put people off in this way. I believe they are little boys + dressed up in door-mats. They are no lions at all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ said the King, ‘you dare to say “gammon” to your Sovereign, do you? + These lions are no lions at all, aren’t they? Ho! my beef-eaters! Ho! my + bodyguard! Take this Count Hogginarmo and fling him into the circus! Give + him a sword and buckler, let him keep his armour on, and his weather-eye + out, and fight these lions.’ + </p> + <p> + The haughty Hogginarmo laid down his opera-glass, and looked scowling + round at the King and his attendants. ‘Touch me not, dogs!’ he said, ‘or + by St. Nicholas the Elder, I will gore you! Your Majesty thinks Hogginarmo + is afraid? No, not of a hundred thousand lions! Follow me down into the + circus, King Padella, and match thyself against one of yon brutes. Thou + darest not. Let them both come on, then!’ And opening a grating of the + box, he jumped lightly down into the circus. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + WURRA WURRA WURRA WUR-AW-AW-AW!!! + In about two minutes + The Count Hogginarmo was + GOBBLED UP + by + those lions, + bones, boots, and all, + and + There was an + End of him. +</pre> + <p> + At this, the King said, ‘Serve him right, the rebellious ruffian! And now, + as those lions won’t eat that young woman—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let her off!—let her off!’ cried the crowd. + </p> + <p> + ‘NO!’ roared the King. ‘Let the beef-eaters go down and chop her into + small pieces. If the lions defend her, let the archers shoot them to + death. That hussy shall die in tortures!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A-a-ah!’ cried the crowd. ‘Shame! shame!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who dares cry out shame?’ cried the furious potentate (so little can + tyrants command their passions). ‘Fling any scoundrel who says a word down + among the lions!’ + </p> + <p> + I warrant you there was a dead silence then, which was broken by a Pang + arang pang pangkarangpang, and a Knight and a Herald rode in at the + further end of the circus: the Knight, in full armour, with his vizor up, + and bearing a letter on the point of his lance. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ exclaimed the King, ‘by my fey, ‘tis Elephant and Castle, pursuivant + of my brother of Paflagonia; and the Knight, an’ my memory serves me, is + the gallant Captain Hedzoff! What news from Paflagonia, gallant Hedzoff? + Elephant and Castle, beshrew me, thy trumpeting must have made thee + thirsty. What will my trusty herald like to drink?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Bespeaking first safe conduct from your Lordship,’ said Captain Hedzoff, + ‘before we take a drink of anything, permit us to deliver our King’s + message.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My Lordship, ha!’ said Crim Tartary, frowning terrifically. ‘That title + soundeth strange in the anointed ears of a crowned King. Straightway speak + out your message, Knight and Herald!’ + </p> + <p> + Reining up his charger in a most elegant manner close under the King’s + balcony, Hedzoff turned to the Herald, and bade him begin. + </p> + <p> + Elephant and Castle, dropping his trumpet over his shoulder, took a large + sheet of paper out of his hat, and began to read:— + </p> + <p> + ‘O Yes! O Yes! O Yes! Know all men by these presents, that we, Giglio, + King of Paflagonia, Grand Duke of Cappadocia, Sovereign Prince of Turkey + and the Sausage Islands, having assumed our rightful throne and title, + long time falsely borne by our usurping Uncle, styling himself King of + Paflagonia—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ha!’ growled Padella. + </p> + <p> + ‘Hereby summon the false traitor, Padella, calling himself King of Crim + Tartary—’ + </p> + <p> + The King’s curses were dreadful. ‘Go on, Elephant and Castle!’ said the + intrepid Hedzoff. + </p> + <p> + ‘—To release from cowardly imprisonment his liege lady and rightful + Sovereign, ROSALBA, Queen of Crim Tartary, and restore her to her royal + throne: in default of which, I, Giglio, proclaim the said Padella sneak, + traitor, humbug, usurper, and coward. I challenge him to meet me, with + fists or with pistols, with battle-axe or sword, with blunderbuss or + singlestick, alone or at the head of his army, on foot or on horseback; + and will prove my words upon his wicked ugly body!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘God save the King!’ said Captain Hedzoff, executing a demivolte, two + semilunes, and three caracols. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is that all?’ said Padella, with the terrific calm of concentrated fury. + </p> + <p> + ‘That, sir, is all my royal master’s message. Here is His Majesty’s letter + in autograph, and here is his glove, and if any gentleman of Crim Tartary + chooses to find fault with His Majesty’s expressions, I, Tuffskin Hedzoff, + Captain of the Guard, am very much at his service,’ and he waved his + lance, and looked at the assembly all round. + </p> + <p> + ‘And what says my good brother of Paflagonia, my dear son’s father-in-law, + to this rubbish?’ asked the King. + </p> + <p> + ‘The King’s uncle hath been deprived of the crown he unjustly wore,’ said + Hedzoff gravely. ‘He and his axminister, Glumboso, are now in prison + waiting the sentence of my royal master. After the battle of Bombardaro—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of what?’ asked the surprised Padella. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of Bombardaro, where my liege, his present Majesty, would have performed + prodigies of velour, but that the whole of his uncle’s army came over to + our side, with the exception of Prince Bulbo.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ah! my boy, my boy, my Bulbo was no traitor!’ cried Padella. + </p> + <p> + ‘Prince Bulbo, far from coming over to us, ran away, sir; but I caught + him. The Prince is a prisoner in our army, and the most terrific tortures + await him if a hair of the Princess Rosalba’s head is injured.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Do they?’ exclaimed the furious Padella, who was now perfectly LIVID with + rage.’ Do they indeed? So much the worse for Bulbo. I’ve twenty sons as + lovely each as Bulbo. Not one but is as fit to reign as Bulbo. Whip, + whack, flog, starve, rack, punish, torture Bulbo—break all his bones—roast + him or flay him alive—pull all his pretty teeth out one by one! But + justly dear as Bulbo is to me,—joy of my eyes, fond treasure of my + soul!—Ha, ha, ha, ha! revenge is dearer still. Ho! tortures, + rack-men, executioners—light up the fires and make the pincers hot! + get lots of boiling lead!—Bring out ROSALBA!’ + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVI. HOW HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO + </h2> + <p> + Captain Hedzoff rode away when King Padella uttered this cruel command, + having done his duty in delivering the message with which his royal master + had entrusted him. Of course he was very sorry for Rosalba, but what could + he do? + </p> + <p> + So he returned to King Giglio’s camp, and found the young monarch in a + disturbed state of mind, smoking cigars in the royal tent. His Majesty’s + agitation was not appeased by the news that was brought by his ambassador. + ‘The brutal ruthless ruffian royal wretch!’ Giglio exclaimed. ‘As + England’s poesy has well remarked, “The man that lays his hand upon a + woman, save in the way of kindness, is a villain.” Ha, Hedzoff!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘That he is, your Majesty,’ said the attendant. + </p> + <p> + ‘And didst thou see her flung into the oil? and didn’t the soothing oil—the + emollient oil, refuse to boil, good Hedzoff—and to spoil the fairest + lady ever eyes did look on?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Faith, good my liege, I had no heart to look and see a beauteous lady + boiling down; I took your royal message to Padella, and bore his back to + you. I told him you would hold Prince Bulbo answerable. He only said that + he had twenty sons as good as Bulbo, and forthwith he bade the ruthless + executioners proceed.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘O cruel father—O unhappy son!’ cried the King. ‘Go, some of you, + and bring Prince Bulbo hither.’ + </p> + <p> + Bulbo was brought in chains, looking very uncomfortable. Though a + prisoner, he had been tolerably happy, perhaps because his mind was at + rest, and all the fighting was over, and he was playing at marbles with + his guards when the King sent for him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, my poor Bulbo,’ said His Majesty, with looks of infinite compassion, + ‘hast thou heard the news?’ (for you see Giglio wanted to break the thing + gently to the Prince), ‘thy brutal father has condemned Rosalba—p-p-p-ut + her to death, P-p-p-prince Bulbo!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, killed Betsinda! Boo-hoo-hoo,’ cried out Bulbo. ‘Betsinda! pretty + Betsinda! dear Betsinda! She was the dearest little girl in the world. I + love her better twenty thousand times even than Angelica,’ and he went on + expressing his grief in so hearty and unaffected a manner that the King + was quite touched by it, and said, shaking Bulbo’s hand, that he wished he + had known Bulbo sooner. + </p> + <p> + Bulbo, quite unconsciously, and meaning for the best, offered to come and + sit with His Majesty, and smoke a cigar with him, and console him. The + ROYAL KINDNESS supplied Bulbo with a cigar; he had not had one, he said, + since he was taken prisoner. + </p> + <p> + And now think what must have been the feelings of the most MERCIFUL OF + MONARCHS, when he informed his prisoner that, in consequence of King + Padella’s cruel and DASTARDLY BEHAVIOUR to Rosalba, Prince Bulbo must + instantly be executed! The noble Giglio could not restrain his tears, nor + could the Grenadiers, nor the officers, nor could Bulbo himself, when the + matter was explained to him, and he was brought to understand that His + Majesty’s promise, of course, was ABOVE EVERY THING, and Bulbo must + submit. So poor Bulbo was led out, Hedzoff trying to console him, by + pointing out that if he had won the battle of Bombardaro, he might have + hanged Prince Giglio. ‘Yes! But that is no comfort to me now!’ said poor + Bulbo; nor indeed was it, poor fellow! + </p> + <p> + He was told the business would be done the next morning at eight, and was + taken back to his dungeon, where every attention was paid to him. The + gaoler’s wife sent him tea, and the turnkey’s daughter begged him to write + his name in her album, where a many gentlemen had written it on like + occasions! ‘Bother your album!’ says Bulbo. The Undertaker came and + measured him for the handsomest coffin which money could buy—even + this didn’t console Bulbo. The Cook brought him dishes which he once used + to like; but he wouldn’t touch them: he sat down and began writing an + adieu to Angelica, as the clock kept always ticking, and the hands drawing + nearer to next morning. The Barber came in at night, and offered to shave + him for the next day. Prince Bulbo kicked him away, and went on writing a + few words to Princess Angelica, as the clock kept always ticking, and the + hands hopping nearer and nearer to next morning. He got up on the top of a + hatbox, on the top of a chair, on the top of his bed, on the top of his + table, and looked out to see whether he might escape as the clock kept + always ticking and the hands drawing nearer, and nearer, and nearer. + </p> + <p> + But looking out of the window was one thing, and jumping another: and the + town clock struck seven. So he got into bed for a little sleep, but the + gaoler came and woke him, and said, ‘Git up, your Royal Ighness, if you + please, it’s TEN MINUTES TO EIGHT!’ + </p> + <p> + So poor Bulbo got up: he had gone to bed in his clothes (the lazy boy), + and he shook himself, and said he didn’t mind about dressing, or having + any breakfast, thank you; and he saw the soldiers who had come for him. + ‘Lead on!’ he said; and they led the way, deeply affected; and they came + into the courtyard, and out into the square, and there was King Giglio + come to take leave of him, and His Majesty most kindly shook hands with + him, and the ‘Take off that marched on:—when hark! + </p> + <p> + Haw—wurraw—wurraw—aworr! + </p> + <p> + A roar of wild beasts was heard. And who should come riding into the town, + frightening away the boys, and even the beadle and policeman, but ROSALBA! + </p> + <p> + The fact is, that when Captain Hedzoff entered into the court of + Snapdragon Castle, and was discoursing with King Padella, the lions made a + dash at the open gate, gobbled up the six beef-eaters in a jiffy, and away + they went with Rosalba on the back of one of them, and they carried her, + turn and turn about, till they came to the city where Prince Giglio’s army + was encamped. + </p> + <p> + When the KING heard of the QUEEN’S arrival, you may think how he rushed + out of his breakfast-room to hand Her Majesty off her lion! The lions were + grown as fat as pigs now, having had Hogginarmo and all those beefeaters, + and were so tame, anybody might pat them. + </p> + <p> + While Giglio knelt (most gracefully) and helped the Princess, Bulbo, for + his part, rushed up and kissed the lion. He flung his arms round the + forest monarch; he hugged him, and laughed and cried for joy. ‘Oh, you + darling old beast, oh, how glad I am to see you, and the dear, dear Bets—that + is, Rosalba.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What, is it you? poor Bulbo!’ said the Queen.’ Oh, how glad I am to see + you,’ and she gave him her hand to kiss. King Giglio slapped him most + kindly on the back, and said, ‘Bulbo, my boy, I am delighted, for your + sake, that Her Majesty has arrived.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘So am I,’ said Bulbo; ‘and YOU KNOW WHY.’ Captain Hedzoff here came up. + ‘Sire, it is half-past eight: shall we proceed with the execution?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Execution! what for?’ asked Bulbo. + </p> + <p> + ‘An officer only knows his orders,’ replied Captain Hedzoff, showing his + warrant, on which His Majesty King Giglio smilingly said, ‘Prince Bulbo + was reprieved this time,’ and most graciously invited him to breakfast. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVII. HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE TOOK PLACE, AND WHO WON IT + </h2> + <p> + As soon as King Padella heard, what we know already, that his victim, the + lovely Rosalba, had escaped him, His Majesty’s fury knew no bounds, and he + pitched the Lord Chancellor, Lord Chamberlain, and every officer of the + Crown whom he could set eyes on, into the cauldron of boiling oil prepared + for the Princess. Then he ordered out his whole army, horse, foot, and + artillery; and set forth at the head of an innumerable host, and I should + think twenty thousand drummers, trumpeters, and fifers. + </p> + <p> + King Giglio’s advance guard, you may be sure, kept that monarch acquainted + with the enemy’s dealings, and he was in nowise disconcerted. He was much + too polite to alarm the Princess, his lovely guest, with any unnecessary + rumours of battles impending; on the contrary, he did everything to amuse + and divert her; gave her a most elegant breakfast, dinner, lunch, and got + up a ball for her that evening, when he danced with her every single + dance. + </p> + <p> + Poor Bulbo was taken into favour again, and allowed to go quite free now. + He had new clothes given him, was called ‘My good cousin’ by His Majesty, + and was treated with the greatest distinction by everybody. But it was + easy to see he was very melancholy. The fact is, the sight of Betsinda, + who looked perfectly lovely in an elegant new dress, set poor Bulbo + frantic in love with her again. And he never thought about Angelica, now + Princess Bulbo, whom he had left at home, and who, as we know, did not + care much about him. + </p> + <p> + The King, dancing the twenty-fifth polka with Rosalba, remarked with + wonder the ring she wore; and then Rosalba told him how she had got it + from Gruffanuff, who no doubt had picked it up when Angelica flung it + away. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes,’ says the Fairy Blackstick, who had come to see the young people, + and who had very likely certain plans regarding them. ‘That ring I gave + the Queen, Giglio’s mother, who was not, saving your presence, a very wise + woman; it is enchanted, and whoever wears it looks beautiful in the eyes + of the world, I made poor Prince Bulbo, when he was christened, the + present of a rose which made him look handsome while he had it; but he + gave it to Angelica, who instantly looked beautiful again, whilst Bulbo + relapsed into his natural plainness.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Rosalba needs no ring, I am sure,’ says Giglio, with a low bow. ‘She is + beautiful enough, in my eyes, without any enchanted aid.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, sir!’ said Rosalba. + </p> + <p> + ‘Take off the ring and try,’ said the King, and resolutely drew the ring + off her finger. In HIS eyes she looked just as handsome as before! + </p> + <p> + The King was thinking of throwing the ring away, as it was so dangerous + and made all the people so mad about Rosalba; but being a Prince of great + humour, and good humour too, he cast eyes upon a poor youth who happened + to be looking on very disconsolately, and said— + </p> + <p> + ‘Bulbo, my poor lad! come and try on this ring. The Princess Rosalba makes + it a present to you.’ + </p> + <p> + The magic properties of this ring were uncommonly strong, for no sooner + had Bulbo put it on, but lo and behold, he appeared a personable, + agreeable young Prince enough—with a fine complexion, fair hair, + rather stout, and with bandy legs; but these were encased in such a + beautiful pair of yellow morocco boots that nobody remarked them. And + Bulbo’s spirits rose up almost immediately after he had looked in the + glass, and he talked to their Majesties in the most lively, agreeable + manner, and danced opposite the Queen with one of the prettiest maids of + honour, and after looking at Her Majesty, could not help saying— + </p> + <p> + ‘How very odd! she is very pretty, but not so EXTRAORDINARILY handsome.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh no, by no means!’ says the Maid of Honour. + </p> + <p> + ‘But what care I, dear sir,’ says the Queen, who overheard them, ‘if YOU + think I am good-looking enough?’ + </p> + <p> + His Majesty’s glance in reply to this affectionate speech was such that no + painter could draw it. And the Fairy Blackstick said, ‘Bless you, my + darling children! Now you are united and happy; and now you see what I + said from the first, that a little misfortune has done you both good. YOU, + Giglio, had you been bred in prosperity, would scarcely have learned to + read or write—you would have been idle and extravagant, and could + not have been a good King as now you will be. You, Rosalba, would have + been so flattered, that your little head might have been turned like + Angelica’s, who thought herself too good for Giglio.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘As if anybody could be good enough for HIM,’ cried Rosalba. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, you, you darling!’ says Giglio. And so she was; and he was just + holding out his arms in order to give her a hug before the whole company, + when a messenger came rushing in, and said, ‘My Lord, the enemy!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To arms!’ cries Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, mercy!’ says Rosalba, and fainted of course. + </p> + <p> + He snatched one kiss from her lips, and rushed FORTH TO THE FIELD of + battle! + </p> + <p> + The Fairy had provided King Giglio with a suit of armour, which was not + only embroidered all over with jewels, and blinding to your eyes to look + at, but was water-proof, gun-proof, and sword-proof; so that in the midst + of the very hottest battles His Majesty rode about as calmly as if he had + been a British Grenadier at Alma. Were I engaged in fighting for my + country, <i>I</i> should like such a suit of armour as Prince Giglio wore; + but, you know, he was a Prince of a fairy tale, and they always have these + wonderful things. + </p> + <p> + Besides the fairy armour, the Prince had a fairy horse, which would gallop + at any pace you pleased; and a fairy sword, which would lengthen and run + through a whole regiment of enemies at once. With such a weapon at + command, I wonder, for my part, he thought of ordering his army out; but + forth they all came, in magnificent new uniforms, Hedzoff and the Prince’s + two college friends each commanding a division, and His Majesty prancing + in person at the head of them all. + </p> + <p> + Ah! if I had the pen of a Sir Archibald Alison, my dear friends, would I + not now entertain you with the account of a most tremendous shindy? Should + not fine blows be struck? dreadful wounds be delivered? arrows darken the + air? cannon balls crash through the battalions? cavalry charge infantry? + infantry pitch into cavalry? bugles blow; drums beat; horses neigh; fifes + sing; soldiers roar, swear, hurray; officers shout out ‘Forward, my men!’ + ‘This way, lads!’ ‘Give it ‘em, boys!’ ‘Fight for King Giglio, and the + cause of right!’ ‘King Padella for ever!’ Would I not describe all this, I + say, and in the very finest language too? But this humble pen does not + possess the skill necessary for the description of combats. In a word, the + overthrow of King Padella’s army was so complete, that if they had been + Russians you could not have wished them to be more utterly smashed and + confounded. + </p> + <p> + As for that usurping monarch, having performed acts of velour much more + considerable than could be expected of a royal ruffian and usurper, who + had such a bad cause, and who was so cruel to women,—as for King + Padella, I say, when his army ran away, the King ran away too, kicking his + first general, Prince Punchikoff, from his saddle, and galloping away on + the Prince’s horse, having, indeed, had twenty-five or twenty-six of his + own shot under him. Hedzoff coming up, and finding Punchikoff down, as you + may imagine, very speedily disposed of HIM. Meanwhile King Padella was + scampering off as hard as his horse could lay legs to ground. Fast as he + scampered, I promise you somebody else galloped faster; and that + individual, as no doubt you are aware, was the Royal Giglio, who kept + bawling out, ‘Stay, traitor! Turn, miscreant, and defend thyself! Stand, + tyrant, coward, ruffian, royal wretch, till I cut thy ugly head from thy + usurping shoulders!’ And, with his fairy sword, which elongated itself at + will, His Majesty kept poking and prodding Padella in the back, until that + wicked monarch roared with anguish. + </p> + <p> + When he was fairly brought to bay, Padella turned and dealt Prince Giglio + a prodigious crack over the sconce with his battle-axe, a most enormous + weapon, which had cut down I don’t know how many regiments in the course + of the afternoon. But, Law bless you! though the blow fell right down on + His Majesty’s helmet, it made no more impression than if Padella had + struck him with a pat of butter: his battle-axe crumpled up in Padella’s + hand, and the Royal Giglio laughed for very scorn at the impotent efforts + of that atrocious usurper. + </p> + <p> + At the ill success of his blow the Crim Tartar monarch was justly + irritated. ‘If,’ says he to Giglio, ‘you ride a fairy horse, and wear + fairy armour, what on earth is the use of my hitting you? I may as well + give myself up a prisoner at once. Your Majesty won’t, I suppose, be so + mean as to strike a poor fellow who can’t strike again?’ + </p> + <p> + The justice of Padella’s remark struck the magnanimous Giglio. ‘Do you + yield yourself a prisoner, Padella?’ says he. + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course I do,’ says Padella. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you acknowledge Rosalba as your rightful Queen, and give up the crown + and all your treasures to your rightful mistress?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If I must, I must,’ says Padella, who was naturally very sulky. + </p> + <p> + By this time King Giglio’s aides-de-camp had come up, whom His Majesty + ordered to bind the prisoner. And they tied his hands behind him, and + bound his legs tight under his horse, having set him with his face to the + tail; and in this fashion he was led back to King Giglio’s quarters, and + thrust into the very dungeon where young Bulbo had been confined. + </p> + <p> + Padella (who was a very different person in the depth of his distress, to + Padella, the proud wearer of the Crim Tartar crown), now most + affectionately and earnestly asked to see his son—his dear eldest + boy—his darling Bulbo; and that good-natured young man never once + reproached his haughty parent for his unkind conduct the day before, when + he would have left Bulbo to be shot without any pity, but came to see his + father, and spoke to him through the grating of the door, beyond which he + was not allowed to go; and brought him some sandwiches from the grand + supper which His Majesty was giving above stairs, in honour of the + brilliant victory which had just been achieved. + </p> + <p> + ‘I cannot stay with you long, sir,’ says Bulbo, who was in his best ball + dress, as he handed his father in the prog, ‘I am engaged to dance the + next quadrille with Her Majesty Queen Rosalba, and I hear the fiddles + playing at this very moment.’ + </p> + <p> + So Bulbo went back to the ball-room and the wretched Padella ate his + solitary supper in silence and tears. + </p> + <p> + All was now joy in King Giglio’s circle. Dancing, feasting, fun, + illuminations, and jollifications of all sorts ensued. The people through + whose villages they passed were ordered to illuminate their cottages at + night, and scatter flowers on the roads during the day. They were + requested, and I promise you they did not like to refuse, to serve the + troops liberally with eatables and wine; besides, the army was enriched by + the immense quantity of plunder which was found in King Padella’s camp, + and taken from his soldiers; who (after they had given up everything) were + allowed to fraternise with the conquerors; and the united forces marched + back by easy stages towards King Giglio’s capital, his royal banner and + that of Queen Rosalba being carried in front of the troops. Hedzoff was + made a Duke and a Field-Marshal. Smith and Jones were promoted to be + Earls; the Crim Tartar Order of the Pumpkin and the Paflagonian decoration + of the Cucumber were freely distributed by their Majesties to the army. + Queen Rosalba wore the Paflagonian Ribbon of the Cucumber across her + riding-habit, whilst King Giglio never appeared without the grand Cordon + of the Pumpkin. How the people cheered them as they rode along side by + side! They were pronounced to be the handsomest couple ever seen: that was + a matter of course; but they really WERE very handsome, and, had they been + otherwise, would have looked so, they were so happy! Their Majesties were + never separated during the whole day, but breakfasted, dined, and supped + together always, and rode side by side, interchanging elegant compliments, + and indulging in the most delightful conversation. At night, Her Majesty’s + ladies of honour (who had all rallied round her the day after King + Padella’s defeat) came and conducted her to the apartments prepared for + her; whilst King Giglio, surrounded by his gentlemen, withdrew to his own + Royal quarters. It was agreed they should be married as soon as they + reached the capital, and orders were dispatched to the Archbishop of + Blombodinga, to hold himself in readiness to perform the interesting + ceremony. Duke Hedzoff carried the message, and gave instructions to have + the Royal Castle splendidly refurnished and painted afresh. The Duke + seized Glumboso, the Ex-Prime Minister, and made him refund that + considerable sum of money which the old scoundrel had secreted out of the + late King’s treasure. He also clapped Valoroso into prison (who, by the + way, had been dethroned for some considerable period past), and when the + Ex-Monarch weakly remonstrated, Hedzoff said, ‘A soldier, sir, knows but + his duty; my orders are to lock you up along with the Ex-King Padella, + whom I have brought hither a prisoner under guard.’ So these two Ex-Royal + personages were sent for a year to the House of Correction, and thereafter + were obliged to become monks of the severest Order of Flagellants, in + which state, by fasting, by vigils, by flogging (which they administered + to one another, humbly but resolutely), no doubt they exhibited a + repentance for their past misdeeds, usurpations, and private and public + crimes. + </p> + <p> + As for Glumboso, that rogue was sent to the galleys, and never had an + opportunity to steal any more. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0020" id="link2H_4_0020"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVIII. HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL + </h2> + <p> + The Fairy Blackstick, by whose means this young King and Queen had + certainly won their respective crowns back, would come not unfrequently, + to pay them a little visit—as they were riding in their triumphal + progress towards Giglio’s capital—change her wand into a pony, and + travel by their Majesties’ side, giving them the very best advice. I am + not sure that King Giglio did not think the Fairy and her advice rather a + bore, fancying it was his own velour and merits which had put him on his + throne, and conquered Padella: and, in fine, I fear he rather gave himself + airs towards his best friend and patroness. She exhorted him to deal + justly by his subjects, to draw mildly on the taxes, never to break his + promise when he had once given it—and in all respects to be a good + King. + </p> + <p> + ‘A good King, my dear Fairy!’ cries Rosalba. ‘Of course he will. Break his + promise! can you fancy my Giglio would ever do anything so improper, so + unlike him? No! never!’ And she looked fondly towards Giglio, whom she + thought a pattern of perfection. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and telling me how to manage + my government, and warning me to keep my word? Does she suppose that I am + not a man of sense, and a man of honour?’ asks Giglio testily. ‘Methinks + she rather presumes upon her position.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Hush! dear Giglio,’ says Rosalba. ‘You know Blackstick has been very kind + to us, and we must not offend her.’ But the Fairy was not listening to + Giglio’s testy observations, she had fallen back, and was trotting on her + pony now, by Master Bulbo’s side, who rode a donkey, and made himself + generally beloved in the army by his cheerfulness, kindness, and + good-humour to everybody. He was eager to see his darling Angelica. He + thought there never was such a charming being. Blackstick did not tell him + it was the possession of the magic rose that made Angelica so lovely in + his eyes. She brought him the very best accounts of his little wife, whose + misfortunes and humiliations had indeed very greatly improved her; and, + you see, she could whisk off on her wand a hundred miles in a minute, and + be back in no time, and so carry polite messages from Bulbo to Angelica, + and from Angelica to Bulbo, and comfort that young man upon his journey. + </p> + <p> + When the Royal party arrived at the last stage before you reach + Blombodinga, who should be in waiting, in her carriage there with her lady + of honour by her side, but the Princess Angelica! She rushed into her + husband’s arms, scarcely stopping to make a passing curtsey to the King + and Queen. She had no eyes but for Bulbo, who appeared perfectly lovely to + her on account of the fairy ring which he wore; whilst she herself, + wearing the magic rose in her bonnet, seemed entirely beautiful to the + enraptured Bulbo. + </p> + <p> + A splendid luncheon was served to the Royal party, of which the + Archbishop, the Chancellor, Duke Hedzoff, Countess Gruffanuff, and all our + friends partook, the Fairy Blackstick being seated on the left of King + Giglio, with Bulbo and Angelica beside her. You could hear the joy-bells + ringing in the capital, and the guns which the citizens were firing off in + honour of their Majesties. + </p> + <p> + ‘What can have induced that hideous old Gruffanuff to dress herself up in + such an absurd way? Did you ask her to be your bridesmaid, my dear?’ says + Giglio to Rosalba. ‘What a figure of fun Gruffy is!’ + </p> + <p> + Gruffy was seated opposite their Majesties, between the Archbishop and the + Lord Chancellor, and a figure of fun she certainly was, for she was + dressed in a low white silk dress, with lace over, a wreath of white roses + on her wig, a splendid lace veil, and her yellow old neck was covered with + diamonds. She ogled the King in such a manner that His Majesty burst out + laughing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Eleven o’clock!’ cries Giglio, as the great Cathedral bell of Blombodinga + tolled that hour. ‘Gentlemen and ladies, we must be starting. Archbishop, + you must be at church, I think, before twelve?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We must be at church before twelve,’ sighs out Gruffanuff in a + languishing voice, hiding her old face behind her fan. + </p> + <p> + ‘And then I shall be the happiest man in my dominions,’ cries Giglio, with + an elegant bow to the blushing Rosalba. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, my Giglio! Oh, my dear Majesty!’ exclaims Gruffanuff; ‘and can it be + that this happy moment at length has arrived—’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Of course it has arrived,’ says the King. + </p> + <p> + ‘—and that I am about to become the enraptured bride of my adored + Giglio!’ continues Gruffanuff. ‘Lend me a smelling-bottle, somebody. I + certainly shall faint with joy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘YOU my bride?’ roars out Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘YOU marry my Prince?’ cried poor little Rosalba. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pooh! Nonsense! The woman’s mad!’ exclaims the King. And all the + courtiers exhibited by their countenances and expressions, marks of + surprise, or ridicule, or incredulity, or wonder. + </p> + <p> + ‘I should like to know who else is going to be married, if I am not?’ + shrieks out Gruffanuff. ‘I should like to know if King Giglio is a + gentleman, and if there is such a thing as justice in Paflagonia? Lord + Chancellor! my Lord Archbishop! will your Lordships sit by and see a poor, + fond, confiding, tender creature put upon? Has not Prince Giglio promised + to marry his Barbara? Is not this Giglio’s signature? Does not this paper + declare that he is mine, and only mine?’ And she handed to his Grace the + Archbishop the document which the Prince signed that evening when she wore + the magic ring, and Giglio drank so much champagne. And the old + Archbishop, taking out his eyeglasses, read— + </p> + <p> + “‘This is to give notice, that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of + Paflagonia, hereby promise to marry the charming Barbara Griselda, + Countess Gruffanuff, and widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq.” + </p> + <p> + ‘H’m,’ says the Archbishop, ‘the document is certainly a—a + document.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Phoo!’ says the Lord Chancellor, ‘the signature is not in His Majesty’s + handwriting.’ Indeed, since his studies at Bosforo, Giglio had made an + immense improvement in caligraphy. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is it your handwriting, Giglio?’ cries the Fairy Blackstick, with an + awful severity of countenance. + </p> + <p> + ‘Y—y—y—es,’ poor Giglio gasps out, ‘I had quite + forgotten the confounded paper: she can’t mean to hold me by it. You old + wretch, what will you take to let me off? Help the Queen, some one—Her + Majesty has fainted.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Chop her head off!’ } exclaim the impetuous ‘Smother the old witch!’ } + Hedzoff, the ardent Smith, and ‘Pitch her into the river!’ } the faithful + Jones. + </p> + <p> + But Gruffanuff flung her arms round the Archbishop’s neck, and bellowed + out, ‘Justice, justice, my Lord Chancellor!’ so loudly, that her piercing + shrieks caused everybody to pause. As for Rosalba, she was borne away + lifeless by her ladies; and you may imagine the look of agony which Giglio + cast towards that lovely being, as his hope, his joy, his darling, his all + in all, was thus removed, and in her place the horrid old Gruffanuff + rushed up to his side, and once more shrieked out, ‘Justice, justice!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Won’t you take that sum of money which Glumboso hid?’ says Giglio; ‘two + hundred and eighteen thousand millions, or thereabouts. It’s a handsome + sum.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will have that and you too!’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Let us throw the crown jewels into the bargain,’ gasps out Giglio. + </p> + <p> + ‘I will wear them by my Giglio’s side!’ says Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘Will half, three-quarters, five-sixths, nineteen-twentieths, of my + kingdom do, Countess?’ asks the trembling monarch. + </p> + <p> + ‘What were all Europe to me without YOU, my Giglio?’ cries Gruff, kissing + his hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘I won’t, I can’t, I shan’t,—I’ll resign the crown first,’ shouts + Giglio, tearing away his hand; but Gruff clung to it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have a competency, my love,’ she says, ‘and with thee and a cottage thy + Barbara will be happy.’ + </p> + <p> + Giglio was half mad with rage by this time. ‘I will not marry her,’ says + he. ‘Oh, Fairy, Fairy, give me counsel?’ And as he spoke he looked wildly + round at the severe face of the Fairy Blackstick. + </p> + <p> + “‘Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and warning me to keep my + word? Does she suppose that I am not a man of honour?”’ said the Fairy, + quoting Giglio’s own haughty words. He quailed under the brightness of her + eyes; he felt that there was no escape for him from that awful + inquisition. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, Archbishop,’ said he in a dreadful voice, that made his Grace + start, ‘since this Fairy has led me to the height of happiness but to dash + me down into the depths of despair, since I am to lose Rosalba, let me at + least keep my honour. Get up, Countess, and let us be married; I can keep + my word, but I can die afterwards.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, dear Giglio,’ cries Gruffanuff, skipping up, ‘I knew, I knew I could + trust thee—I knew that my Prince was the soul of honour. Jump into + your carriages, ladies and gentlemen, and let us go to church at once; and + as for dying, dear Giglio, no, no:—thou wilt forget that + insignificant little chambermaid of a Queen—thou wilt live to be + consoled by thy Barbara! She wishes to be a Queen, and not a Queen + Dowager, my gracious Lord!’ And hanging upon poor Giglio’s arm, and + leering and grinning in his face in the most disgusting manner, this old + wretch tripped off in her white satin shoes, and jumped into the very + carriage which had been got ready to convey Giglio and Rosalba to church. + The cannons roared again, the bells pealed triple-bobmajors, the people + came out flinging flowers upon the path of the royal bride and bridegroom, + and Gruff looked out of the gilt coach window and bowed and grinned to + them. Phoo! the horrid old wretch! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIX. AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST SCENE IN THE PANTOMIME + </h2> + <p> + The many ups and downs of her life had given the Princess Rosalba + prodigious strength of mind, and that highly principled young woman + presently recovered from her fainting-fit, out of which Fairy Blackstick, + by a precious essence which the Fairy always carried in her pocket, + awakened her. Instead of tearing her hair, crying, and bemoaning herself, + and fainting again, as many young women would have done, Rosalba + remembered that she owed an example of firmness to her subjects; and + though she loved Giglio more than her life, was determined, as she told + the Fairy, not to interfere between him and justice, or to cause him to + break his royal word. + </p> + <p> + ‘I cannot marry him, but I shall love him always,’ says she to Blackstick; + ‘I will go and be present at his marriage with the Countess, and sign the + book, and wish them happy with all my heart. I will see, when I get home, + whether I cannot make the new Queen some handsome presents. The Crim + Tartary crown diamonds are uncommonly fine, and I shall never have any use + for them. I will live and die unmarried like Queen Elizabeth, and, of + course, I shall leave my crown to Giglio when I quit this world. Let us go + and see them married, my dear Fairy, let me say one last farewell to him; + and then, if you please, I will return to my own dominions.’ + </p> + <p> + So the Fairy kissed Rosalba with peculiar tenderness, and at once changed + her wand into a very comfortable coach-and-four, with a steady coachman, + and two respectable footmen behind, and the Fairy and Rosalba got into the + coach, which Angelica and Bulbo entered after them. As for honest Bulbo, + he was blubbering in the most pathetic manner, quite overcome by Rosalba’s + misfortune. She was touched by the honest fellow’s sympathy, promised to + restore to him the confiscated estates of Duke Padella his father, and + created him, as he sat there in the coach, Prince, Highness, and First + Grandee of the Crim Tartar Empire. The coach moved on, and, being a fairy + coach, soon came up with the bridal procession. + </p> + <p> + Before the ceremony at church it was the custom in Paflagonia, as it is in + other countries, for the bride and bridegroom to sign the Contract of + Marriage, which was to be witnessed by the Chancellor, Minister, Lord + Mayor, and principal officers of state. Now, as the royal palace was being + painted and furnished anew, it was not ready for the reception of the King + and his bride, who proposed at first to take up their residence at the + Prince’s palace, that one which Valoroso occupied when Angelica was born, + and before he usurped the throne. + </p> + <p> + So the marriage party drove up to the palace: the dignitaries got out of + their carriages and stood aside: poor Rosalba stepped out of her coach, + supported by Bulbo, and stood almost fainting up against the railings so + as to have a last look of her dear Giglio. As for Blackstick, she, + according to her custom, had flown out of the coach window in some + inscrutable manner, and was now standing at the palace door. + </p> + <p> + Giglio came up the steps with his horrible bride on his arm, looking as + pale as if he was going to execution. He only frowned at the Fairy + Blackstick—he was angry with her, and thought she came to insult his + misery. + </p> + <p> + ‘Get out of the way, pray,’ says Gruffanuff haughtily. ‘I wonder why you + are always poking your nose into other people’s affairs?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Are you determined to make this poor young man unhappy?’ says Blackstick. + </p> + <p> + ‘To marry him, yes! What business is it of yours? Pray, madam, don’t say + “you” to a Queen,’ cries Gruffanuff. + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t take the money he offered you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t let him off his bargain, though you know you cheated him when + you made him sign the paper?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Impudence! Policemen, remove this woman!’ cries Gruffanuff. And the + policemen were rushing forward, but with a wave of her wand the Fairy + struck them all like so many statues in their places. + </p> + <p> + ‘You won’t take anything in exchange for your bond, Mrs. Gruffanuff,’ + cries the Fairy, with awful severity. ‘I speak for the last time.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No!’ shrieks Gruffanuff, stamping with her foot. ‘I’ll have my husband, + my husband, my husband!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR HUSBAND!’ the Fairy Blackstick cried; and advancing a + step, laid her hand upon the nose of the KNOCKER. + </p> + <p> + As she touched it, the brass nose seemed to elongate, the open mouth + opened still wider, and uttered a roar which made everybody start. The + eyes rolled wildly; the arms and legs uncurled themselves, writhed about, + and seemed to lengthen with each twist; the knocker expanded into a figure + in yellow livery, six feet high; the screws by which it was fixed to the + door unloosed themselves, and JENKINS GRUFFANUFF once more trod the + threshold off which he had been lifted more than twenty years ago! + </p> + <p> + ‘Master’s not at home,’ says Jenkins, just in his old voice; and Mrs. + Jenkins, giving a dreadful YOUP, fell down in a fit, in which nobody + minded her. + </p> + <p> + For everybody was shouting, ‘Huzzay! huzzay!’ ‘Hip, hip, hurray!’ ‘Long + live the King and Queen!’ ‘Were such things ever seen?’ ‘No, never, never, + never!’ ‘The Fairy Blackstick for ever!’ + </p> + <p> + The bells were ringing double peals, the guns roaring and banging most + prodigiously. Bulbo was embracing everybody; the Lord Chancellor was + flinging up his wig and shouting like a madman; Hedzoff had got the + Archbishop round the waist, and they were dancing a jig for joy; and as + for Giglio, I leave you to imagine what HE was doing, and if he kissed + Rosalba once, twice—twenty thousand times, I’m sure I don’t think he + was wrong. + </p> + <p> + So Gruffanuff opened the hall door with a low bow, just as he had been + accustomed to do, and they all went in and signed the book, and then they + went to church and were married, and the Fairy Blackstick sailed away on + her cane, and was never more heard of in Paflagonia. + </p> + <p> + and here ends the Fireside Pantomime. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Rose and the Ring, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROSE AND THE RING *** + +***** This file should be named 897-h.htm or 897-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/9/897/ + +Produced by Dianne Bean and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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