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+*** Project Gutenberg etext of Mrs. Korner Sins Her Mercies ***
+By Jerome K. Jerome
+
+Scanned and proofed by Ronald Burkey (rburkey@heads-up.com) and Amy
+Thomte.
+
+Notes on the editing:  Punctuation and hyphenation have been retained
+as in the original, except words broken across lines have been joined.
+Italicized text is delimited by underlines ("_").  A long break
+between paragraphs is represented by "***".
+
+
+MRS. KORNER SINS HER MERCIES
+By JEROME K. JEROME
+
+Author of "Paul Kelver," "Three Men in a Boat," etc., etc.
+
+NEW YORK
+DODD, MEAD & COMPANY
+1909
+
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1904, BY JEROME K. JEROME
+COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY DODD, MEAD & COMPANY
+Published, September, 1908
+
+
+MRS. KORNER SINS HER MERCIES
+
+"I do mean it," declared Mrs. Korner, "I like a man to be a man."
+
+"But you would not like Christopher--I mean Mr. Korner--to be that
+sort of man," suggested her bosom friend.
+
+"I don't mean that I should like it if he did it often.  But I should
+like to feel that he was able to be that sort of man.--Have you told
+your master that breakfast is ready?" demanded Mrs. Korner of the
+domestic staff, entering at the moment with three boiled eggs and a
+teapot.
+
+"Yus, I've told 'im," replied the staff indignantly.
+
+The domestic staff at Acacia Villa, Ravenscourt Park, lived in a state
+of indignation.  It could be heard of mornings and evenings saying its
+prayers indignantly.
+
+"What did he say?"
+
+"Said 'e'11 be down the moment 'e's dressed."
+
+"Nobody wants him to come before," commented Mrs. Korner.  "Answered
+me that he was putting on his collar when I called up to him five
+minutes ago."
+
+"Answer yer the same thing now, if yer called up to 'im agen, I
+'spect," was the opinion of the staff.  "Was on 'is 'ands and knees
+when I looked in, scooping round under the bed for 'is collar stud."
+
+Mrs. Korner paused with the teapot in her hand.  "Was he talking?"
+
+"Talkin'?  Nobody there to talk to; I ‘adn't got no time to stop and
+chatter."
+
+"I mean to himself," explained Mrs. Korner.  "He--he wasn't swearing?"
+There was a note of eagerness, almost of hope, in Mrs. Korner's voice.
+
+"Swearin'!  'E!  Why, 'e don't know any."
+
+"Thank you," said Mrs. Korner.  "That will do, Harriet; you may go."
+
+Mrs Korner put down the teapot with a bang.  "The very girl," said
+Mrs. Korner bitterly, "the very girl despises him."
+
+"Perhaps," suggested Miss Greene, "he had been swearing and had
+finished."
+
+But Mrs. Korner was not to be comforted.  "Finished!  Any other man
+would have been swearing all the time."
+
+"Perhaps," suggested the kindly bosom friend, ever the one to plead
+the cause of the transgressor, "perhaps he was swearing, and she did
+not hear him.  You see, if he had his head well underneath the bed--"
+
+The door opened.
+
+"Sorry I am late," said Mr. Korner, bursting cheerfully into the room.
+It was a point with Mr. Korner always to be cheerful in the morning.
+"Greet the day with a smile and it will leave you with a blessing,"
+was the motto Mrs. Korner, this day a married woman of six months and
+three weeks standing had heard her husband murmur before getting out
+of bed on precisely two hundred and two occasions.  The Motto entered
+largely into the scheme of Mr. Korner's life.  Written in fine
+copperplate upon cards all of the same size, a choice selection
+counselled him each morning from the rim of his shaving-glass.
+
+"Did you find it?" asked Mrs. Korner.
+
+"It is most extraordinary," replied Mr. Korner, as he seated himself
+at the breakfast-table.  "I saw it go under the bed with my own eyes.
+Perhaps--"
+
+"Don't ask me to look for it," interrupted Mrs. Korner.  "Crawling
+about on their hands and knees, knocking their heads against iron
+bedsteads, would be enough to make some people swear."  The emphasis
+was on the "some."
+
+"It is not bad training for the character," hinted Mr. Korner,
+"occasionally to force oneself to perform patiently tasks
+calculated--"
+
+"If you get tied up in one of those long sentences of yours, you will
+never get out in time to eat your breakfast," was the fear of Mrs.
+Korner.
+
+"I should be sorry for anything to happen to it," remarked Mr. Korner,
+"its intrinsic value may perhaps--"
+
+"I will look for it after breakfast," volunteered the amiable Miss
+Greene.  "I am good at finding things."
+
+"I can well believe it," the gallant Mr. Korner assured her, as with
+the handle of his spoon he peeled his egg.  "From such bright eyes as
+yours, few--"
+
+"You've only got ten minutes," his wife reminded him.  "Do get on with
+your breakfast."
+
+"I should like," said Mr. Korner, "to finish a speech occasionally."
+
+"You never would," asserted Mrs. Korner.
+
+"I should like to try," sighed Mr. Korner, "one of these days--"
+
+"How did you sleep, dear?  I forgot to ask you," questioned Mrs.
+Korner of the bosom friend.
+
+"I am always restless in a strange bed the first night," explained
+Miss Greene.  "I daresay, too, I was a little excited."
+
+"I could have wished," said Mr. Korner, "it had been a better example
+of the delightful art of the dramatist.  When one goes but seldom to
+the theatre--"
+
+"One wants to enjoy oneself" interrupted Mrs. Korner.
+
+"I really do not think," said the bosom friend, "that I have ever
+laughed so much in all my life."
+
+"It was amusing.  I laughed myself," admitted Mr. Korner.  "At the
+same time I cannot help thinking that to treat drunkenness as a
+theme--"
+
+"He wasn't drunk," argued Mrs. Korner, "he was just jovial."
+
+"My dear!" Mr. Korner Corrected her, "he simply couldn't stand."
+
+"He was much more amusing than some people who can," retorted Mrs.
+Korner.
+
+"It is possible, my dear Aimee," her husband pointed out to her, "for
+a man to be amusing without being drunk; also for a man to be drunk
+without--"
+
+"Oh, a man is all the better," declared Mrs. Korner, "for letting
+himself go occasionally."
+
+"My dear--"
+
+"You, Christopher, would be all the better for letting yourself
+go--occasionally."
+
+"I wish," said Mr. Korner, as he passed his empty cup, "you would not
+say things you do not mean.  Anyone hearing you--"
+
+"If there's one thing makes me more angry than another," said Mrs.
+Korner, "it is being told I say things that I do not mean."
+
+"Why say them then?" suggested Mr. Korner.
+
+"I don't.  I do--I mean I do mean them," explained Mrs. Korner.
+
+"You can hardly mean, my dear," persisted her husband, "that you
+really think I should be all the better for getting drunk--even
+occasionally."
+
+"I didn't say drunk; I said 'going it.'"
+
+"But I do 'go it' in moderation," pleaded Mr. Korner, "'Moderation in
+all things,' that is my motto."
+
+"I know it," returned Mrs. Korner.
+
+"A little of everything and nothing--" this time Mr. Korner
+interrupted himself.  "I fear," said Mr. Korner, rising, "we must
+postpone the further discussion of this interesting topic.  If you
+would not mind stepping out with me into the passage, dear, there are
+one or two little matters connected with the house--"
+
+Host and hostess squeezed past the visitor and closed the door behind
+them.  The visitor continued eating.
+
+"I do mean it," repeated Mrs. Korner, for the third time, reseating
+herself a minute later at the table.  "I would give
+anything--anything," reiterated the lady recklessly, "to see
+Christopher more like the ordinary sort of man."
+
+"But he has always been the sort--the sort of man he is," her bosom
+friend reminded her.
+
+"Oh, during the engagement, of course, one expects a man to be
+perfect.  I didn't think he was going to keep it up."
+
+"He seems to me," said Miss Greene, "a dear, good fellow.  You are one
+of those people who never know when they are well off."
+
+"I know he is a good fellow," agreed Mrs. Korner, "and I am very fond
+of him.  It is just because I am fond of him that I hate feeling
+ashamed of him.  I want him to be a manly man, to do the things that
+other men do."
+
+"Do all the ordinary sort of men swear and get occasionally drunk?"
+
+"Of course they do," asserted Mrs. Korner, in a tone of authority.
+"One does not want a man to be a milksop."
+
+"Have you ever seen a drunken man?" inquired the bosom friend, who was
+nibbling sugar.
+
+"Heaps," replied Mrs. Korner, who was sucking marmalade off her
+fingers.
+
+By which Mrs. Korner meant that some half a dozen times in her life
+she had visited the play, choosing by preference the lighter form of
+British drama.  The first time she witnessed the real thing, which
+happened just precisely a month later, long after the conversation
+here recorded had been forgotten by the parties most concerned, no one
+could have been more utterly astonished than was Mrs. Korner.
+
+How it came about Mr. Korner was never able to fully satisfy himself.
+Mr. Korner was not the type that serves the purpose of the temperance
+lecturer.  His "first glass" he had drunk more years ago than he could
+recollect, and since had tasted the varied contents of many others.
+But never before had Mr. Korner exceeded, nor been tempted to exceed,
+the limits of his favourite virtue, moderation.
+
+"We had one bottle of claret between us," Mr. Korner would often
+recall to his mind, "of which he drank the greater part.  And then he
+brought out the little green flask.  He said it was made from
+pears--that in Peru they kept it specially for Children's parties.  Of
+course, that may have been his joke; but in any case I cannot see how
+just one glass--I wonder could I have taken more than one glass while
+he was talking."  It was a point that worried Mr. Korner.
+
+The "he" who had talked, possibly, to such bad effect was a distant
+cousin of Mr. Korner's, one Bill Damon, chief mate of the steamship
+_La Fortuna_.  Until their chance meeting that afternoon in Leadenhall
+Street, they had not seen each other since they were boys together.
+The _Fortuna_ was leaving St. Katherine's Docks early the next morning
+bound for South America, and it might be years before they met again.
+As Mr. Damon pointed out, Fate, by thus throwing them into each
+other's arms, clearly intended they should have a cosy dinner together
+that very evening in the captain's cabin of the _Fortuna_.
+
+Mr. Korner, returning to the office, despatched to Ravenscourt Park an
+express letter, announcing the strange news that he might not be home
+that evening much before ten, and at half-past six, for the first time
+since his marriage, directed his steps away from home and Mrs. Korner.
+
+The two friends talked of many things.  And later on they spoke of
+sweethearts and of wives.  Mate Damon's experiences had apparently
+been wide and varied.  They talked--or, rather, the mate talked, and
+Mr. Korner listened--of the olive-tinted beauties of the Spanish Main,
+of the dark-eyed passionate creoles, of the blond Junos of the
+Californian valleys.  The mate had theories concerning the care and
+management of women:  theories that, if the mate's word could be
+relied upon, had stood the test of studied application.  A new world
+opened out to Mr. Korner; a world where lovely women worshipped with
+doglike devotion men who, though loving them in return, knew how to be
+their masters.  Mr. Korner, warmed gradually from cold disapproval to
+bubbling appreciation, sat entranced.  Time alone set a limit to the
+recital of the mate's adventures.  At eleven o'clock the cook reminded
+them that the captain and the pilot might be aboard at any moment.
+Mr. Korner, surprised at the lateness of the hour, took a long and
+tender farewell of his cousin, and found St. Katherine's Docks one of
+the most bewildering places out of which he had ever tried to escape.
+Under a lamp-post in the Minories, it suddenly occurred to Mr. Korner
+that he was an unappreciated man.  Mrs. Korner never said and did the
+sort of things by means of which the beauties of the Southern Main
+endeavoured feebly to express their consuming passion for gentlemen
+superior in no way--as far as he could see--to Mr. Korner himself.
+Thinking over the sort of things Mrs. Korner did say and did do, tears
+sprung into Mr. Korner's eyes.  Noticing that a policeman was eyeing
+him with curiosity, he dashed them aside and hurried on.  Pacing the
+platform of the Mansion House Station, where it is always draughty,
+the thought of his wrongs returned to him with renewed force.  Why was
+there no trace of doglike devotion about Mrs. Korner?  The fault--so
+he bitterly told himself--the fault was his.  "A woman loves her
+master; it is her instinct," mused Mr. Korner to himself.  "Damme,"
+thought Mr. Korner, "I don't believe that half her time she knows I am
+her master."
+
+"Go away," said Mr. Korner to a youth of pasty appearance who, with
+open mouth, had stopped immediately in front of him.
+
+"I'm fond o' listening," explained the pasty youth.
+
+"Who's talking?" demanded Mr. Korner.
+
+"You are," replied the pasty youth.
+
+It is a long journey from the city to Ravenscourt Park, but the task
+of planning out the future life of Mrs. Korner and himself kept Mr.
+Korner wide awake and interested.  When he got out of the train the
+thing chiefly troubling him was the three-quarters of a mile of muddy
+road stretching between him and his determination to make things clear
+to Mrs. Korner then and there.
+
+The sight of Acacia Villa, suggesting that everybody was in bed and
+asleep, served to further irritate him.  A dog-like wife would have
+been sitting up to see if there was anything he wanted.  Mr. Korner,
+acting on the advice of his own brass plate, not only knocked but also
+rang.  As the door did not immediately fly open, he continued to knock
+and ring.  The window of the best bedroom on the first floor opened.
+
+"Is that you?" said the voice of Mrs. Korner.  There was, as it
+happened, a distinct suggestion of passion in Mrs. Korner's voice, but
+not of the passion Mr. Korner was wishful to inspire.  It made him a
+little more angry than he was before.
+
+"Don't you talk to me with your head out of the window as if this were
+a gallanty show.  You come down and open the door," commanded Mr.
+Korner.
+
+"Haven't you got your latchkey?" demanded Mrs. Korner.
+
+For answer Mr. Korner attacked the door again.  The window closed.
+The next moment but six or seven, the door was opened with such
+suddenness that Mr. Korner, still gripping the knocker, was borne
+inward in a flying attitude.  Mrs. Korner had descended the stairs
+ready with a few remarks.  She had not anticipated that Mr. Korner,
+usually slow of speech, could be even readier.
+
+"Where's my supper?" indignantly demanded Mr. Korner, still supported
+by the knocker.
+
+Mrs. Korner, too astonished for words, simply stared.
+
+"Where's my supper?" repeated Mr. Korner, by this time worked up into
+genuine astonishment that it was not ready for him.  "What's everybody
+mean, going off to bed, when the masterororous hasn't had his supper?"
+
+"Is anything the matter, dear?" was heard the voice of Miss Greene,
+speaking from the neighbourhood of the first landing.
+
+"Come in, Christopher," pleaded Mrs. Korner, "please come in, and let
+me shut the door."
+
+Mrs. Korner was the type of young lady fond of domineering with a not
+un-graceful hauteur over those accustomed to yield readily to her; it
+is a type that is easily frightened.
+
+"I wan' grilled kinneys-on-toast," explained Mr. Korner, exchanging
+the knocker for the hat-stand, and wishing the next moment that he had
+not.  "Don' let's 'avareytalk about it.  Unnerstan'?  I dowan' any
+talk about it."
+
+"What on earth am I to do?" whispered the terrified Mrs. Korner to her
+bosom friend, "there isn't a kidney in the house."
+
+"I should poach him a couple of eggs," suggested the helpful bosom
+friend; "put plenty of Cayenne pepper on them.  Very likely he won't
+remember."
+
+Mr. Korner allowed himself to be persuaded into the dining-room, which
+was also the breakfast parlour and the library.  The two ladies,
+joined by the hastily clad staff, whose chronic indignation seemed to
+have vanished in face of the first excuse for it that Acacia Villa had
+afforded her, made haste to light the kitchen fire.
+
+"I should never have believed it," whispered the white-faced Mrs.
+Korner, "never."
+
+"Makes yer know there's a man about the 'ouse, don't it?" chirped the
+delighted staff.  Mrs. Korner, for answer, boxed the girl's ears; it
+relieved her feelings to a slight extent.
+
+The staff retained its equanimity, but the operations of Mrs. Korner
+and her bosom friend were retarded rather than assisted by the voice
+of Mr. Korner, heard every quarter of a minute, roaring out fresh
+directions.
+
+"I dare not go in alone," said Mrs. Korner, when all things were in
+order on the tray.  So the bosom friend followed her, and the staff
+brought up the rear.
+
+"What's this?" frowned Mr. Korner.  "I told you chops."
+
+"I'm so sorry, dear," faltered Mrs. Korner, "but there weren't any in
+the house."
+
+"In a perfectly organizedouse, such as for the future I meanterave,"
+continued Mr. Korner, helping himself to beer, "there should always be
+chopanteak.  Unnerstanme?  chopanteak!"
+
+"I'll try and remember, dear," said Mrs. Korner.
+
+"Pearsterme," said Mr. Korner, between mouthfuls, "you're norrer sort
+of housekeeper I want."
+
+"I'll try to be, dear," pleaded Mrs. Korner.
+
+"Where's your books?" Mr. Korner suddenly demanded.
+
+"My books?" repeated Mrs. Korner, in astonishment.
+
+Mr. Korner struck the corner of the table with his fist, which made
+most things in the room, including Mrs. Korner, jump.
+
+"Don't you defy me, my girl," said Mr. Korner.  "You know whatermean,
+your housekeepin' books."
+
+They happened to be in the drawer of the chiffonier.  Mrs. Korner
+produced them, and passed them to her husband with a trembling hand.
+Mr. Korner, opening one by hazard, bent over it with knitted brows.
+
+"Pearsterme, my girl, you can't add," said Mr. Korner.
+
+"I--I was always considered rather good at arithmetic, as a girl,"
+stammered Mrs. Korner.
+
+"What you mayabeen as a girl, and what--twenner-seven and nine?"
+fiercely questioned Mr. Korner.
+
+"Thirty-eight--seven," commenced to blunder the terrified Mrs. Korner.
+
+"Know your nine tables or don't you?" thundered Mr. Korner.
+
+"I used to," sobbed Mrs. Korner.
+
+"Say it," commanded Mr. Korner.
+
+"Nine times one are nine," sobbed the poor little woman, "nine times
+two--"
+
+"Goron," said Mr. Korner sternly.
+
+She went on steadily, in a low monotone, broken by stifled sobs.  The
+dreary rhythm of the repetition may possibly have assisted.  As she
+mentioned fearfully that nine times eleven were ninety-nine, Miss
+Greene pointed stealthily toward the table.  Mrs. Korner, glancing up
+fearfully, saw that the eyes of her lord and master were closed; heard
+the rising snore that issued from his head, resting between the empty
+beer-jug and the cruet stand.
+
+"He will be all right," counselled Miss Greene.  "You go to bed and
+lock yourself in.  Harriet and I will see to his breakfast in the
+morning.  It will be just as well for you to be out of the way."
+
+And Mrs. Korner, only too thankful for some one to tell her what to
+do, obeyed in all things.
+
+Toward seven o'clock the sunlight streaming into the room caused Mr.
+Korner first to blink, then yawn, then open half an eye.
+
+"Greet the day with a smile," murmured Mr. Korner, sleepily, "and it
+will--"
+
+Mr. Korner sat up suddenly and looked about him.  This was not bed.
+The fragments of a jug and glass lay scattered round his feet.  To the
+tablecloth an overturned cruet-stand mingled with egg gave colour.  A
+tingling sensation about his head called for investigation.  Mr.
+Korner was forced to the conclusion that somebody had been trying to
+make a salad of him--somebody with an exceptionally heavy hand for
+mustard.  A sound directed Mr. Korner's attention to the door.
+
+The face of Miss Greene, portentously grave, was peeping through the
+jar.
+
+Mr. Korner rose.  Miss Greene entered stealthily, and, closing the
+door, stood with her back against it.
+
+"I suppose you know what--what you've done?" suggested Miss Greene,
+
+She spoke in a sepulchral tone; it chilled poor Mr. Korner to the
+bone.
+
+"It is beginning to come back to me, but not--not very clearly,"
+admitted Mr. Korner.
+
+"You  came home drunk--very drunk," Miss Greene informed him, "at two
+o'clock in the morning.  The noise you made must have awakened half
+the street."
+
+A groan escaped from his parched lips.
+
+"You insisted upon Aimee cooking you a hot supper."
+
+"I insisted!" Mr. Korner glanced down upon the table.  "And--and she
+did it!"
+
+"You were very violent," explained Miss Greene; "we were terrified at
+you, all three of us."  Regarding the pathetic object in front of her,
+Miss Greene found it difficult to recollect that a few hours before
+she really had been frightened of it.  Sense of duty alone restrained
+her present inclination to laugh.
+
+"While you sat there, eating your supper," continued Miss Greene
+remorselessly, "you made her bring you her books."
+
+Mr. Korner had passed the stage when anything could astonish him.
+
+"You lectured her about her housekeeping."  There was a twinkle in the
+eye of Mrs. Korner's bosom friend.  But lightning could have flashed
+before Mr. Korner's eyes without his noticing it just then.
+
+"You told her that she could not add, and you made her say her
+tables."
+
+"I made her--" Mr. Korner spoke in the emotionless tones of one merely
+desiring information.  "I made Aimee say her tables?"
+
+"Her nine times," nodded Miss Greene.
+
+Mr. Korner sat down upon his chair and stared with stony eyes into the
+future.
+
+"What's to be done?" said Mr. Korner, "she'll never forgive me; I know
+her.  You are not chaffing me?" he cried with a momentary gleam of
+hope.  "I really did it?"
+
+"You sat in that very chair where you are sitting now and ate poached
+eggs, while she stood opposite to you and said her nine times table.
+At the end of it, seeing you had gone to sleep yourself, I persuaded
+her to go to bed.  It was three o'clock, and we thought you would not
+mind."  Miss Greene drew up a chair, and, with her elbows on the
+table, looked across at Mr. Korner.  Decidedly there was a twinkle in
+the eyes of Mrs. Korner's bosom friend.
+
+"You'll never do it again," suggested Miss Greene.
+
+"Do you think it possible," cried Mr. Korner, "that she may forgive
+me?"
+
+"No, I don't," replied Miss Greene.  At which Mr. Korner's face fell
+back to zero.  "I think the best way out will be for you to forgive
+her."
+
+The idea did not even amuse him.  Miss Greene glanced round to satisfy
+herself that the door was still closed, and listened a moment to
+assure herself of the silence.
+
+"Don't you remember," Miss Greene took the extra precaution to whisper
+it, "the talk we had at breakfast-time the first morning of my visit,
+when Aimee said you would be all the better for 'going it'
+occasionally?"
+
+Yes, slowly it came back to Mr. Korner.  But she only said "going it,"
+Mr. Korner recollected to his dismay.
+
+"Well, you've been 'going it,'" persisted Miss Greene.  "Besides, she
+did not mean 'going it.'  She meant the real thing, only she did not
+like to say the word.  We talked about it after you had gone.  She
+said she would give anything to see you more like the ordinary man.
+And that is her idea of the ordinary man."
+
+Mr. Korner's sluggishness of comprehension irritated Miss Greene.  She
+leaned across the table and shook him.  "Don't you understand?  You
+have done it on purpose to teach her a lesson.  It is she who has got
+to ask you to forgive her."
+
+"You think--?"
+
+"I think, if you manage it properly, it will be the best day's work
+you have ever done.  Get out of the house before she wakes.  I shall
+say nothing to her.  Indeed, I shall not have the time; I must catch
+the ten o'clock from Paddington.  When you come home this evening, you
+talk first; that's what you've got to do."  And Mr. Korner, in his
+excitement, kissed the bosom friend before he knew what he had done.
+
+Mrs. Korner sat waiting for her husband that evening in the
+drawing-room.  She was dressed as for a journey, and about the corners
+of her mouth were lines familiar to Christopher, the sight of which
+sent his heart into his boots.  Fortunately, he recovered himself in
+time to greet her with a smile.  It was not the smile he had been
+rehearsing half the day, but that it was a smile of any sort
+astonished the words away from Mrs. Korner's lips, and gave him the
+inestimable advantage of first speech.
+
+"Well," said Mr. Korner cheerily, "and how did you like it?"
+
+For the moment Mrs. Korner feared her husband's new complaint had
+already reached the chronic stage, but his still smiling face
+reassured her--to that extent at all events.
+
+"When would you like me to 'go it' again?  Oh, come," continued Mr.
+Korner in response to his wife's bewilderment, "you surely have not
+forgotten the talk we had at breakfast-time--the first morning of
+Mildred's visit.  You hinted how much more attractive I should be for
+occasionally 'letting myself go!'"
+
+Mr. Korner, watching intently, perceived that upon Mrs. Korner
+recollection was slowly forcing itself.
+
+"I was unable to oblige you before," explained Mr. Korner, "having to
+keep my head clear for business, and not knowing what the effect upon
+one might be.  Yesterday I did my best, and I hope you are pleased
+with me.  Though, if you could see your way to being content--just for
+the present and until I get more used to it--with a similar
+performance not oftener than once a fortnight, say, I should be
+grateful," added Mr. Korner.
+
+"You mean--" said Mrs. Korner, rising.
+
+"I mean, my dear," said Mr. Korner, "that almost from the day of our
+marriage you have made it clear that you regard me as a milksop.  You
+have got your notion of men from silly books and sillier plays, and
+your trouble is that I am not like them.  Well, I've shown you that,
+if you insist upon it, I can be like them."
+
+"But you weren't," argued Mrs. Korner, "not a bit like them."
+
+"I did my best," repeated Mr. Korner; "we are not all made alike.
+That was _my_ drunk."
+
+"I didn't say 'drunk.'"
+
+"But you meant it," interrupted Mr. Korner.  "We were talking about
+drunken men.  The man in the play was drunk.  You thought him
+amusing."
+
+"He was amusing," persisted Mrs. Korner, now in tears.  "I meant that
+sort of drunk."
+
+"His wife," Mr. Korner reminded her, "didn't find him amusing.  In the
+third act she was threatening to return home to her mother, which, if
+I may judge from finding you here with all your clothes on, is also
+the idea that has occurred to you."
+
+"But you--you were so awful," whimpered Mrs. Korner.
+
+"What did I do?" questioned Mr. Korner.
+
+"You came hammering at the door--"
+
+"Yes, yes, I remember that.  I wanted my supper, and you poached me a
+couple of eggs.  What happened after that?"
+
+The recollection of that crowning indignity lent to her voice the true
+note of tragedy.
+
+"You made me say my tables--my nine times!"
+
+Mr. Korner looked at Mrs. Korner, and Mrs. Korner looked at Mr.
+Korner, and for a while there was silence.
+
+"Were you--were you really a little bit on," faltered Mrs. Korner, "or
+only pretending?"
+
+"Really," confessed Mr. Korner.  "For the first time in my life.  If
+you are content, for the last time also."
+
+"I am sorry," said Mrs. Korner, "I have been very silly.  Please
+forgive me."
+
+*** End of Project Gutenberg etext of Mrs. Korner Sins Her Mercies ***
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