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@@ -0,0 +1,1732 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Philosophy 4 + A Story of Harvard University + +Author: Owen Wister + +Posting Date: August 2, 2008 [EBook #862] +Release Date: March, 1997 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHILOSOPHY 4 *** + + + + +Produced by Daniel P. B. Smith + + + + + +PHILOSOPHY 4 + +A STORY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY + +By Owen Wister + + + + + +I + + + +Two frowning boys sat in their tennis flannels beneath the glare of +lamp and gas. Their leather belts were loosened, their soft pink shirts +unbuttoned at the collar. They were listening with gloomy voracity to +the instruction of a third. They sat at a table bared of its customary +sporting ornaments, and from time to time they questioned, sucked their +pencils, and scrawled vigorous, laconic notes. Their necks and faces +shone with the bloom of out-of-doors. Studious concentration was +evidently a painful novelty to their features. Drops of perspiration +came one by one from their matted hair, and their hands dampened the +paper upon which they wrote. The windows stood open wide to the May +darkness, but nothing came in save heat and insects; for spring, being +behind time, was making up with a sultry burst at the end, as a delayed +train makes the last few miles high above schedule speed. Thus it +has been since eight o'clock. Eleven was daintily striking now. Its +diminutive sonority might have belonged to some church-bell far distant +across the Cambridge silence; but it was on a shelf in the room,--a +timepiece of Gallic design, representing Mephistopheles, who +caressed the world in his lap. And as the little strokes boomed, +eight--nine--ten--eleven, the voice of the instructor steadily continued +thus:-- + +"By starting from the Absolute Intelligence, the chief cravings of +the reason, after unity and spirituality, receive due satisfaction. +Something transcending the Objective becomes possible. In the Cogito the +relation of subject and object is implied as the primary condition of +all knowledge. Now, Plato never--" + +"Skip Plato," interrupted one of the boys. "You gave us his points +yesterday." + +"Yep," assented the other, rattling through the back pages of his notes. +"Got Plato down cold somewhere,--oh, here. He never caught on to the +subjective, any more than the other Greek bucks. Go on to the next +chappie." + +"If you gentlemen have mastered the--the Grreek bucks," observed the +instructor, with sleek intonation, "we--" + +"Yep," said the second tennis boy, running a rapid judicial eye over his +back notes, "you've put us on to their curves enough. Go on." + +The instructor turned a few pages forward in the thick book of his own +neat type-written notes and then resumed,-- + +"The self-knowledge of matter in motion." + +"Skip it," put in the first tennis boy. + +"We went to those lectures ourselves," explained the second, whirling +through another dishevelled notebook. "Oh, yes. Hobbes and his gang. +There is only one substance, matter, but it doesn't strictly exist. +Bodies exist. We've got Hobbes. Go on." + +The instructor went forward a few pages more in his exhaustive volume. +He had attended all the lectures but three throughout the year, taking +them down in short-hand. Laryngitis had kept him from those three, to +which however, he had sent a stenographic friend so that the chain +was unbroken. He now took up the next philosopher on the list; but his +smooth discourse was, after a short while, rudely shaken. It was the +second tennis boy questioning severely the doctrines imparted. + +"So he says color is all your eye, and shape isn't? and substance +isn't?" + +"Do you mean he claims," said the first boy, equally resentful, "that if +we were all extinguished the world would still be here, only there'd be +no difference between blue and pink, for instance?" + +"The reason is clear," responded the tutor, blandly. He adjusted his +eyeglasses, placed their elastic cord behind his ear, and referred to +his notes. "It is human sight that distinguishes between colors. If +human sight be eliminated from the universe, nothing remains to make the +distinction, and consequently there will be none. Thus also is it with +sounds. If the universe contains no ear to hear the sound, the sound has +no existence." + +"Why?" said both the tennis boys at once. + +The tutor smiled. "Is it not clear," said he, "that there can be no +sound if it is not heard!" + +"No," they both returned, "not in the least clear." + +"It's clear enough what he's driving at of course," pursued the first +boy. "Until the waves of sound or light or what not hit us through our +senses, our brains don't experience the sensations of sound or light or +what not, and so, of course, we can't know about them--not until they +reach us." + +"Precisely," said the tutor. He had a suave and slightly alien accent. + +"Well, just tell me how that proves a thunder-storm in a desert island +makes no noise." + +"If a thing is inaudible--" began the tutor. + +"That's mere juggling!" vociferated the boy, "That's merely the same +kind of toy-shop brain-trick you gave us out of Greek philosophy +yesterday. They said there was no such thing as motion because at every +instant of time the moving body had to be somewhere, so how could it get +anywhere else? Good Lord! I can make up foolishness like that myself. +For instance: A moving body can never stop. Why? Why, because at every +instant of time it must be going at a certain rate, so how can it ever +get slower? Pooh!" He stopped. He had been gesticulating with one hand, +which he now jammed wrathfully into his pocket. + +The tutor must have derived great pleasure from his own smile, for he +prolonged and deepened and variously modified it while his shiny little +calculating eyes travelled from one to the other of his ruddy scholars. +He coughed, consulted his notes, and went through all the paces of +superiority. "I can find nothing about a body's being unable to stop," +said he, gently. "If logic makes no appeal to you, gentlemen--" + +"Oh, bunch!" exclaimed the second tennis boy, in the slang of his +period, which was the early eighties. "Look here. Color has no existence +outside of our brain--that's the idea?" + +The tutor bowed. + +"And sound hasn't? and smell hasn't? and taste hasn't?" + +The tutor had repeated his little bow after each. + +"And that's because they depend on our senses? Very well. But he claims +solidity and shape and distance do exist independently of us. If we all +died, they'd he here just the same, though the others wouldn't. A flower +would go on growing, but it would stop smelling. Very well. Now you tell +me how we ascertain solidity. By the touch, don't we? Then, if there was +nobody to touch an object, what then? Seems to me touch is just as much +of a sense as your nose is." (He meant no personality, but the first boy +choked a giggle as the speaker hotly followed up his thought.) "Seems +to me by his reasoning that in a desert island there'd be nothing it +all--smells or shapes--not even an island. Seems to me that's what you +call logic." + +The tutor directed his smile at the open window. "Berkeley--" said he. + +"By Jove!" said the other boy, not heeding him, "and here's another +point: if color is entirely in my brain, why don't that ink-bottle and +this shirt look alike to me? They ought to. And why don't a Martini +cocktail and a cup of coffee taste the same to my tongue?" "Berkeley," +attempted the tutor, "demonstrates--" + +"Do you mean to say," the boy rushed on, "that there is no eternal +quality in all these things which when it meets my perceptions compels +me to see differences?" + +The tutor surveyed his notes. "I can discover no such suggestions here +as you are pleased to make" said he. "But your orriginal researches," he +continued most obsequiously, "recall our next subject,--Berkeley and the +Idealists." And he smoothed out his notes. + +"Let's see," said the second boy, pondering; "I went to two or three +lectures about that time. Berkeley--Berkeley. Didn't he--oh, yes! he +did. He went the whole hog. Nothing's anywhere except in your ideas. You +think the table's there, but it isn't. There isn't any table." + +The first boy slapped his leg and lighted a cigarette. "I remember," +said he. "Amounts to this: If I were to stop thinking about you, you'd +evaporate." + +"Which is balls," observed the second boy, judicially, again in the +slang of his period, "and can be proved so. For you're not always +thinking about me, and I've never evaporated once." + +The first boy, after a slight wink at the second, addressed the tutor. +"Supposing you were to happen to forget yourself," said he to that sleek +gentleman, "would you evaporate?" + +The tutor turned his little eyes doubtfully upon the tennis boys, but +answered, reciting the language of his notes: "The idealistic theory +does not apply to the thinking ego, but to the world of external +phenomena. The world exists in our conception of it. + +"Then," said the second boy, "when a thing is inconceivable?" + +"It has no existence," replied the tutor, complacently. + +"But a billion dollars is inconceivable," retorted the boy. "No mind can +take in a sum of that size; but it exists." + +"Put that down! put that down!" shrieked the other boy. "You've struck +something. If we get Berkeley on the paper, I'll run that in." He wrote +rapidly, and then took a turn around the room, frowning as he walked. +"The actuality of a thing," said he, summing his clever thoughts up, +"is not disproved by its being inconceivable. Ideas alone depend upon +thought for their existence. There! Anybody can get off stuff like that +by the yard." He picked up a cork and a foot-rule, tossed the cork, and +sent it flying out of the window with the foot-rule. + +"Skip Berkeley," said the other boy. + +"How much more is there?" + +"Necessary and accidental truths," answered the tutor, reading the +subjects from his notes. "Hume and the causal law. The duality, or +multiplicity, of the ego." + +"The hard-boiled ego," commented the boy the ruler; and he batted a +swooping June-bug into space. + +"Sit down, idiot," said his sprightly mate. + +Conversation ceased. Instruction went forward. Their pencils worked. The +causal law, etc., went into their condensed notes like Liebig's extract +of beef, and drops of perspiration continued to trickle from their +matted hair. + + + + + +II + + +Bertie and Billy were sophomores. They had been alive for twenty years, +and were young. Their tutor was also a sophomore. He too had been alive +for twenty years, but never yet had become young. Bertie and Billy had +colonial names (Rogers, I think, and Schuyler), but the tutor's name was +Oscar Maironi, and he was charging his pupils five dollars an hour +each for his instruction. Do not think this excessive. Oscar could have +tutored a whole class of irresponsibles, and by that arrangement have +earned probably more; but Bertie and Billy had preempted him on account +of his fame or high standing and accuracy, and they could well afford +it. All three sophomores alike had happened to choose Philosophy 4 as +one of their elective courses, and all alike were now face to face with +the Day of Judgment. The final examinations had begun. Oscar could lay +his hand upon his studious heart and await the Day of Judgment like--I +had nearly said a Christian! His notes were full: Three hundred pages +about Zeno and Parmenides and the rest, almost every word as it had come +from the professor's lips. And his memory was full, too, flowing like +a player's lines. With the right cue he could recite instantly: "An +important application of this principle, with obvious reference to +Heracleitos, occurs in Aristotle, who says--" He could do this with the +notes anywhere. I am sure you appreciate Oscar and his great power of +acquiring facts. So he was ready, like the wise virgins of parable. +Bertie and Billy did not put one in mind of virgins: although they had +burned considerable midnight oil, it had not been to throw light upon +Philosophy 4. In them the mere word Heracleitos had raised a chill no +later than yesterday,--the chill of the unknown. They had not attended +the lectures on the "Greek bucks." Indeed, profiting by their privilege +of voluntary recitations, they had dropped in but seldom on Philosophy +4. These blithe grasshoppers had danced and sung away the precious +storing season, and now that the bleak hour of examinations was upon +them, their waked-up hearts had felt aghast at the sudden vision of +their ignorance. It was on a Monday noon that this feeling came fully +upon them, as they read over the names of the philosophers. Thursday was +the day of the examination. "Who's Anaxagoras?" Billy had inquired of +Bertie. "I'll tell you," said Bertie, "if you'll tell me who Epicharmos +of Kos was." And upon this they embraced with helpless laughter. Then +they reckoned up the hours left for them to learn Epicharmos of Kos +in,--between Monday noon and Thursday morning at nine,--and their +quailing chill increased. A tutor must be called in at once. So the +grasshoppers, having money, sought out and quickly purchased the ant. + +Closeted with Oscar and his notes, they had, as Bertie put it, salted +down the early Greek bucks by seven on Monday evening. By the same +midnight they had, as Billy expressed it, called the turn on Plato. +Tuesday was a second day of concentrated swallowing. Oscar had taken +them through the thought of many centuries. There had been intermissions +for lunch and dinner only; and the weather was exceedingly hot. The +pale-skinned Oscar stood this strain better than the unaccustomed Bertie +and Billy. Their jovial eyes had grown hollow to-night, although +their minds were going gallantly, as you have probably noticed. +Their criticisms, slangy and abrupt, struck the scholastic Oscar as +flippancies which he must indulge, since the pay was handsome. That +these idlers should jump in with doubts and questions not contained +in his sacred notes raised in him feelings betrayed just once in that +remark about "orriginal rresearch." + +"Nine--ten--eleven--twelve," went the little timepiece; and Oscar rose. + +"Gentlemen," he said, closing the sacred notes, "we have finished the +causal law." + +"That's the whole business except the ego racket, isn't it?" said Billy. + +"The duality, or multiplicity of the ego remains," Oscar replied. + +"Oh, I know its name. It ought to be a soft snap after what we've had." + +"Unless it's full of dates and names you've got to know," said Bertie. + +"Don't believe it is," Billy answered. "I heard him at it once." (This +meant that Billy had gone to a lecture lately.) "It's all about Who am +I? and How do I do it?" Billy added. + +"Hm!" said Bertie. "Hm! Subjective and objective again, I suppose, only +applied to oneself. You see, that table is objective. I can stand off +and judge it. It's outside of me; has nothing to do with me. That's +easy. But my opinion of--well, my--well, anything in my nature--" + +"Anger when it's time to get up," suggested Billy. + +"An excellent illustration," said Bertie. "That is subjective in me. +Similar to your dislike of water as a beverage. That is subjective in +you. But here comes the twist. I can think of my own anger and judge it, +just as if it were an outside thing, like a table. I can compare it with +itself on different mornings or with other people's anger. And I trust +that you can do the same with your thirst." + +"Yes," said Billy; "I recognize that it is greater at times and less at +others." + +"Very well, There you are. Duality of the ego." + +"Subject and object," said Billy. "Perfectly true, and very queer when +you try to think of it. Wonder how far it goes? Of course, one can +explain the body's being an object to the brain inside it. That's mind +and matter over again. But when my own mind and thought, can become +objects to themselves--I wonder how far that does go?" he broke off +musingly. "What useless stuff!" he ended. + +"Gentlemen," said Oscar, who had been listening to them with patient, +Oriental diversion, "I--" + +"Oh," said Bertie, remembering him. "Look here. We mustn't keep you up. +We're awfully obliged for the way you are putting us on to this. You're +saving our lives. Ten to-morrow for a grand review of the whole course." + +"And the multiplicity of the ego?" inquired Oscar. + +"Oh, I forgot. Well, it's too late tonight. Is it much? Are there many +dates and names and things?" + +"It is more of a general inquiry and analysis," replied Oscar. "But it +is forty pages of my notes." And he smiled. + +"Well, look here. It would be nice to have to-morrow clear for review. +We're not tired. You leave us your notes and go to bed." + +Oscar's hand almost moved to cover and hold his precious property, for +this instinct was the deepest in him. But it did not so move, because +his intelligence controlled his instinct nearly, though not +quite, always. His shiny little eyes, however, became furtive and +antagonistic--something the boys did not at first make out. + +Oscar gave himself a moment of silence. "I could not brreak my rule," +said he then. "I do not ever leave my notes with anybody. Mr. Woodridge +asked for my History 3 notes, and Mr. Bailey wanted my notes for Fine +Arts 1, and I could not let them have them. If Mr. Woodridge was to +hear--" + +"But what in the dickens are you afraid of?" + +"Well, gentlemen, I would rather not. You would take good care, I know, +but there are sometimes things which happen that we cannot help. One +time a fire--" + +At this racial suggestion both boys made the room joyous with mirth. +Oscar stood uneasily contemplating them. He would never be able to +understand them, not as long as he lived, nor they him. When their mirth +Was over he did somewhat better, but it was tardy. You see, he was not +a specimen of the first rank, or he would have said at once what he said +now: "I wish to study my notes a little myself, gentlemen." + +"Go along, Oscar, with your inflammable notes, go along!" said Bertie, +in supreme good-humor. "And we'll meet to-morrow at ten--if there hasn't +been a fire--Better keep your notes in the bath, Oscar." + +In as much haste as could be made with a good appearance, Oscar buckled +his volume in its leather cover, gathered his hat and pencil, and, +bidding his pupils a very good night, sped smoothly out of the room. + + + + +III + + + +Oscar Maironi was very poor. His thin gray suit in summer resembled his +thick gray suit in winter. It does not seem that he had more than two; +but he had a black coat and waistcoat, and a narrow-brimmed, shiny hat +to go with these, and one pair of patent-leather shoes that laced, +and whose long soles curved upward at the toe like the rockers of a +summer-hotel chair. These holiday garments served him in all seasons; +and when you saw him dressed in them, and seated in a car bound for +Park Square, you knew he was going into Boston, where he would read +manuscript essays on Botticelli or Pico della Mirandola, or manuscript +translations of Armenian folksongs; read these to ecstatic, dim-eyed +ladies in Newbury Street, who would pour him cups of tea when it was +over, and speak of his earnestness after he was gone. It did not do the +ladies any harm; but I am not sure that it was the best thing for Oscar. +It helped him feel every day, as he stepped along to recitations with +his elbow clamping his books against his ribs and his heavy black curls +bulging down from his gray slouch hat to his collar, how meritorious he +was compared with Bertie and Billy--with all Berties and Billies. He may +have been. Who shall say? But I will say at once that chewing the cud of +one's own virtue gives a sour stomach. + +Bertie's and Billy's parents owned town and country houses in New York. +The parents of Oscar had come over in the steerage. Money filled the +pockets of Bertie and Billy; therefore were their heads empty of money +and full of less cramping thoughts. Oscar had fallen upon the reverse of +this fate. Calculation was his second nature. He had given his education +to himself; he had for its sake toiled, traded, outwitted, and saved. +He had sent himself to college, where most of the hours not given to +education and more education, went to toiling and more toiling, that +he might pay his meagre way through the college world. He had a cheaper +room and ate cheaper meals than was necessary. He tutored, and he wrote +college specials for several newspapers. His chief relaxation was the +praise of the ladies in Newbury Street. These told him of the future +which awaited him, and when they gazed upon his features were put in +mind of the dying Keats. Not that Oscar was going to die in the least. +Life burned strong in him. There were sly times when he took what he had +saved by his cheap meals and room and went to Boston with it, and for +a few hours thoroughly ceased being ascetic. Yet Oscar felt meritorious +when he considered Bertie and Billy; for, like the socialists, merit +with him meant not being able to live as well as your neighbor. You will +think that I have given to Oscar what is familiarly termed a black eye. +But I was once inclined to applaud his struggle for knowledge, until I +studied him close and perceived that his love was not for the education +he was getting. Bertie and Billy loved play for play's own sake, and +in play forgot themselves, like the wholesome young creatures that they +were. Oscar had one love only: through all his days whatever he might +forget, he would remember himself; through all his days he would make +knowledge show that self off. Thank heaven, all the poor students in +Harvard College were not Oscars! I loved some of them as much as I loved +Bertie and Billy. So there is no black eye about it. Pity Oscar, if you +like; but don't be so mushy as to admire him as he stepped along in the +night, holding his notes, full of his knowledge, thinking of Bertie +and Billy, conscious of virtue, and smiling his smile. They were not +conscious of any virtue, were Bertie and Billy, nor were they smiling. +They were solemnly eating up together a box of handsome strawberries and +sucking the juice from their reddened thumbs. + +"Rather mean not to make him wait and have some of these after his hard +work on us," said Bertie. "I'd forgotten about them--" + +"He ran out before you could remember, anyway," said Billy. + +"Wasn't he absurd about his old notes? "Bertie went on, a new strawberry +in his mouth. "We don't need them, though. With to-morrow we'll get this +course down cold." + +"Yes, to-morrow," sighed Billy. "It's awful to think of another day of +this kind." + +"Horrible," assented Bertie. + +"He knows a lot. He's extraordinary," said Billy. + +"Yes, he is. He can talk the actual words of the notes. Probably +he could teach the course himself. I don't suppose he buys any +strawberries, even when they get ripe and cheap here. What's the matter +with you?" + +Billy had broken suddenly into merriment. "I don't believe Oscar owns a +bath," he explained. + +"By Jove! so his notes will burn in spite of everything!" And both of +the tennis boys shrieked foolishly. + +Then Billy began taking his clothes off, strewing them in the +window-seat, or anywhere that they happened to drop; and Bertie, after +hitting another cork or two out of the window with the tennis racket, +departed to his own room on another floor and left Billy to immediate +and deep slumber. This was broken for a few moments when Billy's +room-mate returned happy from an excursion which had begun in the +morning. + +The room-mate sat on Billy's feet until that gentleman showed +consciousness. + +"I've done it, said the room-mate, then. + +"The hell you have!" + +"You couldn't do it." + +"The hell I couldn't!" + +"Great dinner." + +"The hell it was!" + +"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover, +dough-birds, rum omelette. Bet you five dollars you can't find it." + +"Take you. Got to bed." And Billy fell again into deep, immediate +slumber. + +The room-mate went out into the sitting room, and noting the signs there +of the hard work which had gone on during his absence, was glad that he +did not take Philosophy 4. He was soon asleep also. + + + + + +IV + + + +Billy got up early. As he plunged into his cold bath he envied his +room-mate, who could remain at rest indefinitely, while his own hard lot +was hurrying him to prayers and breakfast and Oscar's inexorable notes. +He sighed once more as he looked at the beauty of the new morning +and felt its air upon his cheeks. He and Bertie belonged to the same +club-table, and they met there mournfully over the oatmeal. This very +hour to-morrow would see them eating their last before the +examination in Philosophy 4. And nothing pleasant was going to happen +between,--nothing that they could dwell upon with the slightest +satisfaction. Nor had their sleep entirely refreshed them. Their eyes +were not quite right, and their hair, though it was brushed, showed +fatigue of the nerves in a certain inclination to limpness and disorder. + + + "Epicharmos of Kos + Was covered with moss," + +remarked Billy. + + + "Thales and Zeno + Were duffers at keno," + +added Bertie. + +In the hours of trial they would often express their education thus. + +"Philosophers I have met," murmured Billy, with scorn And they ate +silently for some time. + +"There's one thing that's valuable," said Bertie next. "When they spring +those tricks on you about the flying arrow not moving, and all the rest, +and prove it all right by logic, you learn what pure logic amounts to +when it cuts loose from common sense. And Oscar thinks it's immense. We +shocked him." + +"He's found the Bird-in-Hand!" cried Billy, quite suddenly. + +"Oscar?" said Bertie, with an equal shout. + +"No, John. John has. Came home last night and waked me up and told me." + +"Good for John," remarked Bertie, pensively. + +Now, to the undergraduate mind of that day the Bird-in-Hand tavern was +what the golden fleece used to be to the Greeks,--a sort of shining, +remote, miraculous thing, difficult though not impossible to find, for +which expeditions were fitted out. It was reported to be somewhere in +the direction of Quincy, and in one respect it resembled a ghost: you +never saw a man who had seen it himself; it was always his cousin, or +his elder brother in '79. But for the successful explorer a dinner and +wines were waiting at the Bird-in-Hand more delicious than anything +outside of Paradise. You will realize, therefore, what a thing it was +to have a room-mate who had attained. If Billy had not been so dog-tired +last night, he would have sat up and made John tell him everything from +beginning to end. + +"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover, +dough-birds, and rum omelette," he was now reciting to Bertie. + +"They say the rum there is old Jamaica brought in slave-ships," said +Bertie, reverently. + +"I've heard he has white port of 1820," said Billy; "and claret and +champagne." + +Bertie looked out of the window. "This is the finest day there's been," +said he. Then he looked at his watch. It was twenty-five minutes before +Oscar. Then he looked Billy hard in the eye. "Have you any sand?" he +inquired. + +It was a challenge to Billy's manhood. "Sand!" he yelled, sitting up. + +Both of them in an instant had left the table and bounded out of the +house. "I'll meet you at Pike's," said Billy to Bertie. "Make him give +us the black gelding." + +"Might as well bring our notes along," Bertie called after his rushing +friend; "and get John to tell you the road." + +To see their haste, as the two fled in opposite directions upon +their errands, you would have supposed them under some crying call of +obligation, or else to be escaping from justice. + +Twenty minutes later they were seated behind the black gelding and +bound on their journey in search of the bird-in-Hand. Their notes in +Philosophy 4 were stowed under the buggy-seat. + +"Did Oscar see you?" Bertie inquired. + +"Not he," cried Billy, joyously. + +"Oscar will wonder," said Bertie; and he gave the black gelding a +triumphant touch with the whip. + +You see, it was Oscar that had made them run go; or, rather, it was +Duty and Fate walking in Oscar's displeasing likeness. Nothing easier, +nothing more reasonable, than to see the tutor and tell him they should +not need him to-day. But that would have spoiled everything. They did +not know it, but deep in their childlike hearts was a delicious sense +that in thus unaccountably disappearing they had won a great game, had +got away ahead of Duty and Fate. After all it did bear some resemblance +to an escape from justice. . + +Could he have known this, Oscar would have felt more superior than ever. +Punctually at the hour agreed, ten o'clock he rapped at Billy's door and +stood waiting, his leather wallet of notes nipped safe between elbow and +ribs. Then he knocked again. Then he tried the door, and as it was open, +he walked deferentially into the sitting room. Sonorous snores came from +one of the bedrooms. Oscar peered in and saw John; but he saw no Billy +in the other bed. Then, always deferential, he sat down in the sitting +room and watched a couple of prettily striped coats hanging in a +half-open closet. + +At that moment the black gelding was flirtatiously crossing the +drawbridge over the Charles on the Allston Road. The gelding knew the +clank of those suspending chains and the slight unsteadiness of the +meeting halves of the bridge as well as it knew oats. But it could not +enjoy its own entirely premeditated surprise quite so much as Bertie and +Billy were enjoying their entirely unpremeditated flight from Oscar. The +wind rippled on the water; down at the boat-house Smith was helping +some one embark in a single scull; they saw the green meadows toward +Brighton; their foreheads felt cool and unvexed, and each new minute had +the savor of fresh forbidden fruit. + +"How do we go?" said Bertie. + +"I forgot I had a bet with John until I had waked him," said Billy. "He +bet me five last night I couldn't find it, and I took him. Of course, +after that I had no right to ask him anything, and he thought I was +funny. He said I couldn't find out if the landlady's hair was her own. I +went him another five on that." + +"How do you say we ought to go?" said Bertie, presently. + +"Quincy, I'm sure." + +They were now crossing the Albany tracks at Allston. "We're going to get +there," said Bertie; and he turned the black gelding toward Brookline +and Jamaica Plain. + +The enchanting day surrounded them. The suburban houses, even the +suburban street-cars, seemed part of one great universal plan of +enjoyment. Pleasantness so radiated from the boys' faces and from their +general appearance of clean white flannel trousers and soft clean shirts +of pink and blue that a driver on a passing car leaned to look after +them with a smile and a butcher hailed them with loud brotherhood from +his cart. They turned a corner, and from a long way off came the sight +of the tower of Memorial Hall. Plain above all intervening tenements +and foliage it rose. Over there beneath its shadow were examinations +and Oscar. It caught Billy's roving eye, and he nudged Bertie, pointing +silently to it. "Ha, ha!" sang Bertie. And beneath his light whip the +gelding sprang forward into its stride. + + +The clocks of Massachusetts struck eleven. Oscar rose doubtfully from +his chair in Billy's study. Again he looked into Billy's bedroom and at +the empty bed. Then he went for a moment and watched the still forcibly +sleeping John. He turned his eyes this way and that, and after standing +for a while moved quietly back to his chair and sat down with the +leather wallet of notes on his lap, his knees together, and his +unblocked shoes touching. In due time the clocks of Massachusetts struck +noon. + + +In a meadow where a brown amber stream ran, lay Bertie and Billy on the +grass. Their summer coats were off, their belts loosened. They watched +with eyes half closed the long water-weeds moving gently as the current +waved and twined them. The black gelding, brought along a farm road and +through a gate, waited at its ease in the field beside a stone wall. +Now and then it stretched and cropped a young leaf from a vine that grew +over the wall, and now and then the want wind brought down the fruit +blossoms all over the meadow. They fell from the tree where Bertie and +Billy lay, and the boys brushed them from their faces. Not very far away +was Blue Hill, softly shining; and crows high up in the air came from it +occasionally across here. + +By one o'clock a change had come in Billy's room. Oscar during that hour +had opened his satchel of philosophy upon his lap and read his notes +attentively. Being almost word perfect in many parts of them, he now +spent his unexpected leisure in acquiring accurately the language of +still further paragraphs. "The sharp line of demarcation which Descartes +drew between consciousness and the material world," whispered Oscar with +satisfaction, and knew that if Descartes were on the examination paper +he could start with this and go on for nearly twenty lines before +he would have to use any words of his own. As he memorized, the +chambermaid, who had come to do the bedrooms three times already and had +gone away again, now returned and no longer restrained her indignation. +"Get up Mr. Blake!" she vociferated to the sleeping John; "you ought to +be ashamed!" And she shook the bedstead. Thus John had come to rise and +discover Oscar. The patient tutor explained himself as John listened in +his pyjamas. + +"Why, I'm sorry," said he, "but I don't believe they'll get back very +soon." + +"They have gone away?" asked Oscar, sharply. + +"Ah--yes," returned the reticent John. "An unexpected matter of +importance." + +"But, my dear sir, those gentlemen know nothing! Philosophy 4 is +tomorrow, and they know nothing." + +"They'll have to stand it, then," said John, with a grin. + +"And my time. I am waiting here. I am engaged to teach them. I have been +waiting here since ten. They engaged me all day and this evening. + +"I don't believe there's the slightest use in your waiting now, you +know. They'll probably let you know when they come back." + +"Probably! But they have engaged my time. The girl knows I was here +ready at ten. I call you to witness that you found me waiting, ready at +any time." + +John in his pyjamas stared at Oscar. "Why, of course they'll pay you the +whole thing," said he, coldly; "stay here if you prefer." And he went +into the bathroom and closed the door. + +The tutor stood awhile, holding his notes and turning his little eyes +this way and that. His young days had been dedicated to getting the +better of his neighbor, because otherwise his neighbor would get the +better of him. Oscar had never suspected the existence of boys like John +and Bertie and Billy. He stood holding his notes, and then, buckling +them up once more, he left the room with evidently reluctant steps. It +was at this time that the clocks struck one. + + +In their field among the soft new grass sat Bertie and Billy some ten +yards apart, each with his back against an apple tree. Each had his +notes and took his turn at questioning the other. Thus the names of the +Greek philosophers with their dates and doctrines were shouted gayly in +the meadow. The foreheads of the boys were damp to-day, as they had been +last night, and their shirts were opened to the air; but it was the +sun that made them hot now, and no lamp or gas; and already they looked +twice as alive as they had looked at breakfast. There they sat, while +their memories gripped the summarized list of facts essential, facts to +be known accurately; the simple, solid, raw facts, which, should they +happen to come on the examination paper, no skill could evade nor any +imagination supply. But this study was no longer dry and dreadful to +them: they had turned it to a sporting event. "What about Heracleitos?" +Billy as catechist would put at Bertie. "Eternal flux," Bertie would +correctly snap back at Billy. Or, if he got it mixed up, and replied, +"Everything is water," which was the doctrine of another Greek, then +Billy would credit himself with twenty-five cents on a piece of paper. +Each ran a memorandum of this kind; and you can readily see how spirited +a character metaphysics would assume under such conditions. + +"I'm going in," said Bertie, suddenly, as Billy was crediting himself +with a fifty-cent gain. "What's your score?" + +"Two seventy-five, counting your break on Parmenides. It'll be cold." + +"No, it won't. Well, I'm only a quarter behind you." And Bertie puffed +off his shoes. Soon he splashed into the stream where the bend made a +hole of some depth. + +"Cold?" inquired Billy on the bank. Bertie closed his eyes dreamily. +"Delicious," said he, and sank luxuriously beneath the surface with slow +strokes. + +Billy had his clothes off in a moment, and, taking the plunge, screamed +loudly "You liar!" he yelled, as he came up. And he made for Bertie. + +Delight rendered Bertie weak and helpless; he was caught and ducked; and +after some vigorous wrestling both came out of the icy water. + +"Now we've got no towels, you fool," said Billy. + +"Use your notes," said Bertie, and he rolled in the grass. Then they +chased each other round the apple trees, and the black gelding watched +them by the wall, its ears well forward. + +While they were dressing they discovered it was half-past one, and +became instantly famished. "We should have brought lunch along," they +told each other. But they forgot that no such thing as lunch could have +induced them to delay their escape from Cambridge for a moment this +morning. "What do you suppose Oscar is doing now?" Billy inquired of +Bertie, as they led the black gelding back to the road; and Bertie +laughed like an infant. "Gentlemen," said he, in Oscar's manner, "we +now approach the multiplicity of the ego." The black gelding must have +thought it had humorists to deal with this day. + + +Oscar, as a matter of fact, was eating his cheap lunch away over in +Cambridge. There was cold mutton, and boiled potatoes with hard brown +spots in them, and large picked cucumbers; and the salt was damp and +would not shake out through the holes in the top of the bottle. But +Oscar ate two helps of everything with a good appetite, and between +whiles looked at his notes, which lay open beside him on the table. +At the stroke of two he was again knocking at his pupils' door. But no +answer came. John had gone away somewhere for indefinite hours and +the door was locked. So Oscar wrote: "Called, two p.m.," on a scrap +of envelope, signed his name, and put it through the letter-slit. +It crossed his mind to hunt other pupils for his vacant time, but +he decided against this at once, and returned to his own room. Three +o'clock found him back at the door, knocking scrupulously, The idea of +performing his side of the contract, of tendering his goods and standing +ready at all times to deliver them, was in his commercially mature mind. +This time he had brought a neat piece of paper with him, and wrote upon +it, "Called, three P.M.," and signed it as before, and departed to his +room with a sense of fulfilled obligations. + + +Bertie and Billy had lunched at Mattapan quite happily on cold ham, cold +pie, and doughnuts. Mattapan, not being accustomed to such lilies of the +field, stared at their clothes and general glory, but observed that they +could eat the native bill-of-fare as well as anybody. They found +some good, cool beer, moreover, and spoke to several people of +the Bird-in-Hand, and got several answers: for instance, that the +Bird-in-Hand was at Hingham; that it was at Nantasket; that they had +better inquire for it at South Braintree; that they had passed it a +mile back; and that there was no such place. If you would gauge +the intelligence of our population, inquire your way in a rural +neighborhood. With these directions they took up their journey after +an hour and a half,--a halt made chiefly for the benefit of the black +gelding, whom they looked after as much as they did themselves. For +a while they discussed club matters seriously, as both of them were +officers of certain organizations, chosen so on account of their +recognized executive gifts. These questions settled, they resumed the +lighter theme of philosophy, and made it (as Billy observed) a near +thing for the Causal law. But as they drove along, their minds left this +topic on the abrupt discovery that the sun was getting down out of the +sky, and they asked each other where they were and what they should +do. They pulled up at some cross-roads and debated this with growing +uneasiness. Behind them lay the way to Cambridge,--not very clear, to be +sure; but you could always go where you had come from, Billy seemed to +think. He asked, "How about Cambridge and a little Oscar to finish off +with?" Bertie frowned. This would be failure. Was Billy willing to go +back and face John the successful? + +"It would only cost me five dollars," said Billy. + +"Ten," Bertie corrected. He recalled to Billy the matter about the +landlady's hair. + +"By Jove, that's so!" cried Billy, brightening. It seemed conclusive. +But he grew cloudy again the next moment. He was of opinion that one +could go too far in a thing. + +"Where's your sand?" said Bertie. + +Billy made an unseemly rejoinder, but even in the making was visited by +inspiration. He saw the whole thing as it really was. "By Jove!" said +he, "we couldn't get back in time for dinner." + +"There's my bonny boy!" said Bertie, with pride; and he touched up +the black gelding. Uneasiness had left both of them. Cambridge was +manifestly impossible; an error in judgment; food compelled them to +seek the Bird-in-Hand. "We'll try Quincy, anyhow," Bertie said. Billy +suggested that they inquire of people on the road. This provided a new +sporting event: they could bet upon the answers. Now, the roads, not +populous at noon, had grown solitary in the sweetness of the long +twilight. Voices of birds there were; and little, black, quick brooks, +full to the margin grass, shot under the roadway through low bridges. +Through the web of young foliage the sky shone saffron, and frogs piped +in the meadow swamps. No cart or carriage appeared, however, and the +bets languished. Bertie, driving with one hand, was buttoning his coat +with the other, when the black gelding leaped from the middle of the +road to the turf and took to backing. The buggy reeled; but the driver +was skilful, and fifteen seconds of whip and presence of mind brought it +out smoothly. Then the cause of all this spoke to them from a gate. + +"Come as near spillin' as you boys wanted, I guess," remarked the cause. + +They looked, and saw him in huge white shirt-sleeves, shaking with +joviality. "If you kep' at it long enough you might a-most learn to +drive a horse," he continued, eying Bertie. This came as near direct +praise as the true son of our soil--Northern or Southern--often thinks +well of. Bertie was pleased, but made a modest observation, and "Are we +near the tavern?" he asked. "Bird-in-Hand!" the son of the soil echoed; +and he contemplated them from his gate. "That's me," he stated, with +complacence. "Bill Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand has been me since April, +'65." His massy hair had been yellow, his broad body must have weighed +two hundred and fifty pounds, his face was canny, red, and somewhat +clerical, resembling Henry Ward Beecher's. + +"Trout," he said, pointing to a basket by the gate. "For your dinner. +"Then he climbed heavily but skilfully down and picked up the basket and +a rod. "Folks round here say," said he, "that there ain't no more trout +up them meadows. They've been a-sayin' that since '74; and I've been +a-sayin' it myself, when judicious." Here he shook slightly and opened +the basket. "Twelve," he said. "Sixteen yesterday. Now you go along and +turn in the first right-hand turn, and I'll be up with you soon. Maybe +you might make room for the trout." Room for him as well, they assured +him; they were in luck to find him, they explained. "Well, I guess +I'll trust my neck with you," he said to Bertie, the skillful driver; +"'tain't five minutes' risk." The buggy leaned, and its springs bent as +he climbed in, wedging his mature bulk between their slim shapes. The +gelding looked round the shaft at them. "Protestin', are you?" he said +to it. "These light-weight stoodents spile you!" So the gelding went +on, expressing, however, by every line of its body, a sense of outraged +justice. The boys related their difficult search, and learned that any +mention of the name of Diggs would have brought them straight. "Bill +Higgs of the Bird-in-Hand was my father, and my grandf'ther, and his +father; and has been me sence I come back from the war and took the +business in '65. I'm not commonly to be met out this late. About fifteen +minutes earlier is my time for gettin' back, unless I'm plannin' for a +jamboree. But to-night I got to settin' and watchin' that sunset, and +listenin' to a darned red-winged blackbird, and I guess Mrs. Higgs has +decided to expect me somewheres about noon to-morrow or Friday. Say, +did Johnnie send you? "When he found that John had in a measure been +responsible for their journey, he filled with gayety. "Oh, Johnnie's a +bird!" said he. "He's that demure on first appearance. Walked in last +evening and wanted dinner. Did he tell you what he ate? Guess he left +out what he drank. Yes, he's demure." + +You might suppose that upon their landlord's safe and sober return +fifteen minutes late, instead of on the expected noon of Thursday or +Friday, their landlady would show signs of pleasure; but Mrs. Diggs from +the porch threw an uncordial eye at the three arriving in the buggy. +Here were two more like Johnnie of last night. She knew them by the +clothes they wore and by the confidential tones of her husband's voice +as he chatted to them. He had been old enough to know better for twenty +years. But for twenty years he had taken the same extreme joy in the +company of Johnnies, and they were bad for his health. Her final proof +that they belonged to this hated breed was when Mr. Diggs thumped the +trout down on the porch, and after briefly remarking, "Half of 'em +boiled, and half broiled with bacon," himself led away the gelding to +the stable instead of intrusting it to his man Silas. + +"You may set in the parlor," said Mrs. Diggs, and departed stiffly with +the basket of trout. + +"It's false," said Billy, at once. + +Bertie did not grasp his thought. + +"Her hair," said Billy. And certainly it was an unusual-looking +arrangement. + +Presently, as they sat near a parlor organ in the presence of earnest +family portraits, Bertie made a new poem for Billy,-- + + "Said Aristotle unto Plato, + 'Have another sweet potato? '" + +And Billy responded,-- + + "Said Plato unto Aristotle, + 'Thank you, I prefer the bottle.'" + +"In here, are you?" said their beaming host at the door. "Now, I think +you'd find my department of the premises cosier, so to speak." He +nudged Bertie. "Do you boys guess it's too early in the season for a +silver-fizz?" + + +We must not wholly forget Oscar in Cambridge. During the afternoon he +had not failed in his punctuality; two more neat witnesses to this lay +on the door-mat beneath the letter-slit of Billy's room, And at the +appointed hour after dinner a third joined them, making five. John found +these cards when he came home to go to bed, and picked them up and stuck +them ornamentally in Billy's looking-glass, as a greeting when Billy +should return, The eight o'clock visit was the last that Oscar paid +to the locked door, He remained through the evening in his own room, +studious, contented, unventilated, indulging in his thick notes, and +also in the thought of Billy's and Bertie's eleventh-hour scholarship, +"Even with another day," he told himself, "those young men could not +have got fifty per cent," In those times this was the passing mark. +To-day I believe you get an A, or a B, or some other letter denoting +your rank. In due time Oscar turned out his gas and got into his bed; +and the clocks of Massachusetts struck midnight. + +Mrs. Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had retired at eleven, furious with rage, +but firm in dignity in spite of a sudden misadventure. Her hair, being +the subject of a sporting event, had remained steadily fixed in Billy's +mind,--steadily fixed throughout an entertainment which began at an +early hour to assume the features of a celebration. One silver-fizz +before dinner is nothing; but dinner did not come at once, and the +boys were thirsty. The hair of Mrs. Diggs had caught Billy's eye again +immediately upon her entrance to inform them that the meal was ready; +and whenever she reentered with a new course from the kitchen, Billy's +eye wandered back to it, although Mr. Diggs had become full of anecdotes +about the Civil War. It was partly Grecian: a knot stood out behind to +a considerable distance. But this was not the whole plan. From front to +back ran a parting, clear and severe, and curls fell from this to the +temples in a manner called, I believe, by the enlightened, a l'Anne +d'Autriche. The color was gray, to be sure; but this propriety did not +save the structure from Billy's increasing observation. As bottles +came to stand on the table in greater numbers, the closer and the more +solemnly did Billy continue to follow the movements of Mrs. Diggs. They +would without doubt have noticed him and his foreboding gravity but for +Mr. Diggs's experiences in the Civil War. + +The repast was finished--so far as eating went. Mrs. Diggs with +changeless dudgeon was removing and washing the dishes. At the +revellers' elbows stood the 1820 port in its fine, fat, old, dingy +bottle, going pretty fast. Mr. Diggs was nearing the end of Antietam. +"That morning of the 18th, while McClellan was holdin' us squattin' and +cussin'," he was saying to Bertie, when some sort of shuffling sound in +the corner caught their attention. We can never know how it happened. +Billy ought to know, but does not, and Mrs. Diggs allowed no subsequent +reference to the casualty. But there she stood with her entire hair at +right angles. The Grecian knot extended above her left ear, and her nose +stuck through one set of Anne d'Autriche. Beside her Billy stood, solemn +as a stone, yet with a sort of relief glazed upon his face. + +Mr. Diggs sat straight up at the vision of his spouse. "Flouncing +Florence!" was his exclamation. "Gee-whittaker, Mary, if you ain't the +most unmitigated sight!" And wind then left him. + +Mary's reply arrived in tones like a hornet stinging slowly and often. +"Mr. Diggs, I have put up with many things, and am expecting to put +up with many more. But you'd behave better if you consorted with +gentlemen." + +The door slammed and she was gone. Not a word to either of the boys, not +even any notice of them. It was thorough, and silence consequently held +them for a moment. + +"He didn't mean anything," said Bertie, growing partially responsible. + +"Didn't mean anything," repeated Billy, like a lesson. + +"I'll take him and he'll apologize," Bertie pursued, walking over to +Billy. + +"He'll apologize," went Billy, like a cheerful piece of mechanism. +Responsibility was still quite distant from him. + +Mr. Diggs got his wind back. "Better not," he advised in something near +a whisper. "Better not go after her. Her father was a fightin' preacher, +and she's--well, begosh! she's a chip of the old pulpit." And he rolled +his eye towards the door. Another door slammed somewhere above, and they +gazed at each other, did Bertie and Mr. Diggs. Then Mr. Diggs, still +gazing at Bertie, beckoned to him with a speaking eye and a crooked +finger; and as he beckoned, Bertie approached like a conspirator and sat +down close to him. "Begosh!" whispered Mr. Diggs. "Unmitigated." And at +this he and Bertie laid their heads down on the table and rolled about +in spasms. + +Billy from his corner seemed to become aware of them. With his eye fixed +upon them like a statue, he came across the room, and, sitting down near +them with formal politeness, observed, "Was you ever to the battle of +Antietam?" This sent them beyond the limit; and they rocked their heads +on the table and wept as if they would expire. + +Thus the three remained, during what space of time is not known: the +two upon the table, convalescent with relapses, and Billy like a seated +idol, unrelaxed at his vigil. The party was seen through the windows by +Silas, coming from the stable to inquire if the gelding should not be +harnessed. Silas leaned his face to the pane, and envy spoke plainly in +it. "O my! O my!" he mentioned aloud to himself. So we have the whole +household: Mrs. Diggs reposing scornfully in an upper chamber; all parts +of the tavern darkened, save the one lighted room; the three inside that +among their bottles, with the one outside looking covetously in at them; +and the gelding stamping in the stable. + +But Silas, since he could not share, was presently of opinion that this +was enough for one sitting, and he tramped heavily upon the porch. This +brought Bertie back to the world of reality, and word was given to fetch +the gelding. The host was in no mood to part with them, and spoke of +comfortable beds and breakfast as early as they liked; but Bertie had +become entirely responsible. Billy was helped in, Silas was liberally +thanked, and they drove away beneath the stars, leaving behind them +golden opinions, and a host who decided not to disturb his helpmate by +retiring to rest in their conjugal bed. + +Bertie had forgotten, but the playful gelding had not. When they came +abreast of that gate where Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had met them at +sunset, Bertie was only aware that a number of things had happened at +once, and that he had stopped the horse after about twenty yards of +battle. Pride filled him, but emptied away in the same instant, for a +voice on the road behind him spoke inquiringly through the darkness. + +"Did any one fall out?" said the voice. "Who fell out?" + +"Billy!" shrieked Bertie, cold all over. "Billy, are you hurt?" + +"Did Billy fall out?" said the voice, with plaintive cadence. "Poor +Billy!" + +"He can't be," muttered Bertie. "Are you?" he loudly repeated. + +There was no answer: but steps came along the road as Bertie checked and +pacified the gelding. Then Billy appeared by the wheel. "Poor Billy fell +out," he said mildly. He held something up, which Bertie took. It +had been Billy's straw hat, now a brimless fabric of ruin. Except for +smirches and one inexpressible rent which dawn revealed to Bertie a +little later, there were no further injuries, and Billy got in and took +his seat quite competently. + +Bertie drove the gelding with a firm hand after this. They passed +through the cool of the unseen meadow swamps, and heard the sound of the +hollow bridges as they crossed them, and now and then the gulp of some +pouring brook. They went by the few lights of Mattapan, seeing from some +points on their way the beacons of the harbor, and again the curving +line of lamps that drew the outline of some village built upon a hill. +Dawn showed them Jamaica Pond, smooth and breezeless, and encircled with +green skeins of foliage, delicate and new. Here multitudinous birds were +chirping their tiny, overwhelming chorus. When at length, across the +flat suburban spaces, they again sighted Memorial tower, small in the +distance, the sun was lighting it. + +Confronted by this, thoughts of hitherto banished care, and of the +morrow that was now to-day, and of Philosophy 4 coming in a very +few hours, might naturally have arisen and darkened the end of their +pleasant excursion. Not so, however. Memorial tower suggested another +line of argument. It was Billy who spoke, as his eyes first rested upon +that eminent pinnacle of Academe. + +"Well, John owes me five dollars." + +"Ten, you mean." + +"Ten? How?" + +"Why, her hair. And it was easily worth twenty." + +Billy turned his head and looked suspiciously at Bertie. "What did I +do?" he asked. + +"Do! Don't you know?" + +Billy in all truth did not. + +"Phew!" went Bertie. "Well, I don't, either. Didn't see it. Saw the +consequences, though. Don't you remember being ready to apologize? What +do you remember, anyhow?" + +Billy consulted his recollections with care: they seemed to break off +at the champagne. That was early. Bertie was astonished. Did not Billy +remember singing "Brace up and dress the Countess," and "A noble lord +the Earl of Leicester"? He had sung them quite in his usual manner, +conversing freely between whiles. In fact, to see and hear him, no one +would have suspected--"It must have been that extra silver-fizz you took +before dinner," said Bertie. "Yes," said Billy; "that's what it must +have been." Bertie supplied the gap in his memory,--a matter of several +hours, it seemed. During most of this time Billy had met the demands of +each moment quite like his usual agreeable self--a sleep-walking state. +It was only when the hair incident was reached that his conduct had +noticeably crossed the line. He listened to all this with interest +intense. + +"John does owe me ten, I think," said he. + +"I say so," declared Bertie. "When do you begin to remember again?" + +"After I got in again at the gate. Why did I get out?" + +"You fell out, man." + +Billy was incredulous. + +"You did. You tore your clothes wide open." + +Billy, looking at his trousers, did not see it. + +"Rise, and I'll show you," said Bertie. + +"Goodness gracious!" said Billy. + +Thus discoursing, they reached Harvard Square. Not your Harvard Square, +gentle reader, that place populous with careless youths and careful +maidens and reticent persons with books, but one of sleeping windows +and clear, cool air and few sounds; a Harvard Square of emptiness and +conspicuous sparrows and milk wagons and early street-car conductors in +long coats going to their breakfast; and over all this the sweetness of +the arching elms. + +As the gelding turned down toward Pike's, the thin old church clock +struck. "Always sounds," said Billy, "like cambric tea." + +"Cambridge tea," said Bertie. + +"Walk close behind me," said Billy, as they came away from the livery +stable. "Then they won't see the hole." + +Bertie did so; but the hole was seen by the street-car conductors and +the milkmen, and these sympathetic hearts smiled at the sight of the +marching boys, and loved them without knowing any more of them than +this. They reached their building and separated. + + + + + +V + + + +One hour later they met. Shaving and a cold bath and summer flannels, +not only clean but beautiful, invested them with the radiant innocence +of flowers. It was still too early for their regular breakfast, and they +sat down to eggs and coffee at the Holly Tree. + +"I waked John up," said Billy. "He is satisfied." + +"Let's have another order," said Bertie. "These eggs are delicious." +Each of them accordingly ate four eggs and drank two cups of coffee. + +"Oscar called five times," said Billy; and he threw down those cards +which Oscar had so neatly written. + +"There's multiplicity of the ego for you!" said Bertie. + +Now, inspiration is a strange thing, and less obedient even than love +to the will of man. It will decline to come when you prepare for it with +the loftiest intentions, and, lo! at an accidental word it will suddenly +fill you, as at this moment it filled Billy. + +"By gum!" said he, laying his fork down. "Multiplicity of the ego. Look +here. I fall out of a buggy and ask--" + +"By gum!" said Bertie, now also visited by inspiration. + +"Don't you see?" said Billy. + +"I see a whole lot more," said Bertie, with excitement. "I had to tell +you about your singing." And the two burst into a flare of talk. To hear +such words as cognition, attention, retention, entity, and identity, +freely mingled with such other words as silver-fizz and false +hair, brought John, the egg-and-coffee man, as near surprise as his +impregnable nature permitted. Thus they finished their large breakfast, +and hastened to their notes for a last good bout at memorizing +Epicharmos of Kos and his various brethren. The appointed hour found +them crossing the college yard toward a door inside which Philosophy 4 +awaited them: three hours of written examination! But they looked more +roseate and healthy than most of the anxious band whose steps were +converging to that same gate of judgment. Oscar, meeting them on the +way, gave them his deferential "Good morning," and trusted that the +gentlemen felt easy. Quite so, they told him, and bade him feel easy +about his pay, for which they were, of course, responsible. Oscar wished +them good luck and watched them go to their desks with his little eyes, +smiling in his particular manner. Then he dismissed them from his +mind, and sat with a faint remnant of his smile, fluently writing his +perfectly accurate answer to the first question upon the examination +paper. + +Here is that paper. You will not be able to answer all the questions, +probably, but you may be glad to know what such things are like. + + + PHILOSOPHY 4 + + +1. Thales, Zeno, Parmenides, Heracleitos, Anaxagoras. State briefly the +doctrine of each. + +2. Phenomenon, noumenon. Discuss these terms. Name their modern +descendants. + +3. Thought=Being. Assuming this, state the difference, if any, between +(1) memory and anticipation; (2) sleep and waking. + +4. Democritus, Pythagoras, Bacon. State the relation between them. In +what terms must the objective world ultimately be stated? Why? + +5. Experience is the result of time and space being included in the +nature of mind. Discuss this. + +6. Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensibus. Whose +doctrine? Discuss it. + +7. What is the inherent limitation in all ancient philosophy? Who first +removed it? + +8. Mind is expressed through what? Matter through what? Is speech the +result or the cause of thought? + +9. Discuss the nature of the ego. + +10. According to Plato, Locke, Berkeley, where would the sweetness of a +honeycomb reside? Where would its shape? its weight? Where do you think +these properties reside? + + +Ten questions, and no Epicharmos of Kos. But no examination paper asks +everything, and this one did ask a good deal. Bertie and Billy wrote the +full time allotted, and found that they could have filled an hour more +without coming to the end of their thoughts. Comparing notes at lunch, +their information was discovered to have been lacking here and there. +Nevertheless, it was no failure; their inner convictions were sure of +fifty per cent at least, and this was all they asked of the gods. "I +was ripping about the ego," said Bertie. "I was rather splendid myself," +said Billy, "when I got going. And I gave him a huge steer about +memory." After lunch both retired to their beds and fell into sweet +oblivion until seven o'clock, when they rose and dined, and after +playing a little poker went to bed again pretty early. + +Some six mornings later, when the Professor returned their papers to +them, their minds were washed almost as clear of Plato and Thales as +were their bodies of yesterday's dust. The dates and doctrines, hastily +memorized to rattle off upon the great occasion, lay only upon the +surface of their minds, and after use they quickly evaporated. To their +pleasure and most genuine astonishment, the Professor paid them high +compliments. Bertie's discussion of the double personality had been +the most intelligent which had come in from any of the class. The +illustration of the intoxicated hack-driver who had fallen from his hack +and inquired who it was that had fallen, and then had pitied himself, +was, said the Professor, as original and perfect an illustration of our +subjective-objectivity as he had met with in all his researches. And +Billy's suggestions concerning the inherency of time and space in +the mind the Professor had also found very striking and independent, +particularly his reasoning based upon the well-known distortions of time +and space which hashish and other drugs produce in us. This was the sort +of thing which the Professor had wanted from his students: free comment +and discussions, the spirit of the course, rather than any strict +adherence to the letter. He had constructed his questions to elicit +as much individual discussion as possible and had been somewhat +disappointed in his hopes. + +Yes, Bertie and Billy were astonished. But their astonishment did not +equal that of Oscar, who had answered many of the questions in the +Professor's own language. Oscar received seventy-five per cent for this +achievement--a good mark. But Billy's mark was eighty-six and Bertie's +ninety. "There is some mistake," said Oscar to them when they told him; +and he hastened to the Professor with his tale. "There is no mistake," +said the Professor. Oscar smiled with increased deference. "But," he +urged, "I assure you, sir, those young men knew absolutely nothing. I +was their tutor, and they knew nothing at all. I taught them all their +information myself." "In that case," replied the Professor, not pleased +with Oscar's tale-bearing, "you must have given them more than you could +spare. Good morning." + +Oscar never understood. But he graduated considerably higher than Bertie +and Billy, who were not able to discover many other courses so favorable +to "orriginal rresearch" as was Philosophy 4. That is twenty years ago, +To-day Bertie is treasurer of the New Amsterdam Trust Company, in Wall +Street; Billy is superintendent of passenger traffic of the New York +and Chicago Air Line. Oscar is successful too. He has acquired a lot +of information. His smile is unchanged. He has published a careful work +entitled "The Minor Poets of Cinquecento," and he writes book reviews +for the Evening Post. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHILOSOPHY 4 *** + +***** This file should be named 862.txt or 862.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/6/862/ + +Produced by Daniel P. B. 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