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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Philosophy 4
+       A Story of Harvard University
+
+Author: Owen Wister
+
+Posting Date: August 2, 2008 [EBook #862]
+Release Date: March, 1997
+Last Updated: October 8, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHILOSOPHY 4 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Daniel P. B. Smith
+
+
+
+
+
+PHILOSOPHY 4
+
+A STORY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY
+
+By Owen Wister
+
+
+
+
+
+I
+
+
+
+Two frowning boys sat in their tennis flannels beneath the glare of
+lamp and gas. Their leather belts were loosened, their soft pink shirts
+unbuttoned at the collar. They were listening with gloomy voracity to
+the instruction of a third. They sat at a table bared of its customary
+sporting ornaments, and from time to time they questioned, sucked their
+pencils, and scrawled vigorous, laconic notes. Their necks and faces
+shone with the bloom of out-of-doors. Studious concentration was
+evidently a painful novelty to their features. Drops of perspiration
+came one by one from their matted hair, and their hands dampened the
+paper upon which they wrote. The windows stood open wide to the May
+darkness, but nothing came in save heat and insects; for spring, being
+behind time, was making up with a sultry burst at the end, as a delayed
+train makes the last few miles high above schedule speed. Thus it
+has been since eight o’clock. Eleven was daintily striking now. Its
+diminutive sonority might have belonged to some church-bell far distant
+across the Cambridge silence; but it was on a shelf in the room,--a
+timepiece of Gallic design, representing Mephistopheles, who
+caressed the world in his lap. And as the little strokes boomed,
+eight--nine--ten--eleven, the voice of the instructor steadily continued
+thus:--
+
+“By starting from the Absolute Intelligence, the chief cravings of
+the reason, after unity and spirituality, receive due satisfaction.
+Something transcending the Objective becomes possible. In the Cogito the
+relation of subject and object is implied as the primary condition of
+all knowledge. Now, Plato never--”
+
+“Skip Plato,” interrupted one of the boys. “You gave us his points
+yesterday.”
+
+“Yep,” assented the other, rattling through the back pages of his notes.
+“Got Plato down cold somewhere,--oh, here. He never caught on to the
+subjective, any more than the other Greek bucks. Go on to the next
+chappie.”
+
+“If you gentlemen have mastered the--the Grreek bucks,” observed the
+instructor, with sleek intonation, “we--”
+
+“Yep,” said the second tennis boy, running a rapid judicial eye over his
+back notes, “you’ve put us on to their curves enough. Go on.”
+
+The instructor turned a few pages forward in the thick book of his own
+neat type-written notes and then resumed,--
+
+“The self-knowledge of matter in motion.”
+
+“Skip it,” put in the first tennis boy.
+
+“We went to those lectures ourselves,” explained the second, whirling
+through another dishevelled notebook. “Oh, yes. Hobbes and his gang.
+There is only one substance, matter, but it doesn’t strictly exist.
+Bodies exist. We’ve got Hobbes. Go on.”
+
+The instructor went forward a few pages more in his exhaustive volume.
+He had attended all the lectures but three throughout the year, taking
+them down in short-hand. Laryngitis had kept him from those three, to
+which however, he had sent a stenographic friend so that the chain
+was unbroken. He now took up the next philosopher on the list; but his
+smooth discourse was, after a short while, rudely shaken. It was the
+second tennis boy questioning severely the doctrines imparted.
+
+“So he says color is all your eye, and shape isn’t? and substance
+isn’t?”
+
+“Do you mean he claims,” said the first boy, equally resentful, “that if
+we were all extinguished the world would still be here, only there’d be
+no difference between blue and pink, for instance?”
+
+“The reason is clear,” responded the tutor, blandly. He adjusted his
+eyeglasses, placed their elastic cord behind his ear, and referred to
+his notes. “It is human sight that distinguishes between colors. If
+human sight be eliminated from the universe, nothing remains to make the
+distinction, and consequently there will be none. Thus also is it with
+sounds. If the universe contains no ear to hear the sound, the sound has
+no existence.”
+
+“Why?” said both the tennis boys at once.
+
+The tutor smiled. “Is it not clear,” said he, “that there can be no
+sound if it is not heard!”
+
+“No,” they both returned, “not in the least clear.”
+
+“It’s clear enough what he’s driving at of course,” pursued the first
+boy. “Until the waves of sound or light or what not hit us through our
+senses, our brains don’t experience the sensations of sound or light or
+what not, and so, of course, we can’t know about them--not until they
+reach us.”
+
+“Precisely,” said the tutor. He had a suave and slightly alien accent.
+
+“Well, just tell me how that proves a thunder-storm in a desert island
+makes no noise.”
+
+“If a thing is inaudible--” began the tutor.
+
+“That’s mere juggling!” vociferated the boy, “That’s merely the same
+kind of toy-shop brain-trick you gave us out of Greek philosophy
+yesterday. They said there was no such thing as motion because at every
+instant of time the moving body had to be somewhere, so how could it get
+anywhere else? Good Lord! I can make up foolishness like that myself.
+For instance: A moving body can never stop. Why? Why, because at every
+instant of time it must be going at a certain rate, so how can it ever
+get slower? Pooh!” He stopped. He had been gesticulating with one hand,
+which he now jammed wrathfully into his pocket.
+
+The tutor must have derived great pleasure from his own smile, for he
+prolonged and deepened and variously modified it while his shiny little
+calculating eyes travelled from one to the other of his ruddy scholars.
+He coughed, consulted his notes, and went through all the paces of
+superiority. “I can find nothing about a body’s being unable to stop,”
+ said he, gently. “If logic makes no appeal to you, gentlemen--”
+
+“Oh, bunch!” exclaimed the second tennis boy, in the slang of his
+period, which was the early eighties. “Look here. Color has no existence
+outside of our brain--that’s the idea?”
+
+The tutor bowed.
+
+“And sound hasn’t? and smell hasn’t? and taste hasn’t?”
+
+The tutor had repeated his little bow after each.
+
+“And that’s because they depend on our senses? Very well. But he claims
+solidity and shape and distance do exist independently of us. If we all
+died, they’d he here just the same, though the others wouldn’t. A flower
+would go on growing, but it would stop smelling. Very well. Now you tell
+me how we ascertain solidity. By the touch, don’t we? Then, if there was
+nobody to touch an object, what then? Seems to me touch is just as much
+of a sense as your nose is.” (He meant no personality, but the first boy
+choked a giggle as the speaker hotly followed up his thought.) “Seems
+to me by his reasoning that in a desert island there’d be nothing it
+all--smells or shapes--not even an island. Seems to me that’s what you
+call logic.”
+
+The tutor directed his smile at the open window. “Berkeley--” said he.
+
+“By Jove!” said the other boy, not heeding him, “and here’s another
+point: if color is entirely in my brain, why don’t that ink-bottle and
+this shirt look alike to me? They ought to. And why don’t a Martini
+cocktail and a cup of coffee taste the same to my tongue?” “Berkeley,”
+ attempted the tutor, “demonstrates--”
+
+“Do you mean to say,” the boy rushed on, “that there is no eternal
+quality in all these things which when it meets my perceptions compels
+me to see differences?”
+
+The tutor surveyed his notes. “I can discover no such suggestions here
+as you are pleased to make” said he. “But your orriginal researches,” he
+continued most obsequiously, “recall our next subject,--Berkeley and the
+Idealists.” And he smoothed out his notes.
+
+“Let’s see,” said the second boy, pondering; “I went to two or three
+lectures about that time. Berkeley--Berkeley. Didn’t he--oh, yes! he
+did. He went the whole hog. Nothing’s anywhere except in your ideas. You
+think the table’s there, but it isn’t. There isn’t any table.”
+
+The first boy slapped his leg and lighted a cigarette. “I remember,”
+ said he. “Amounts to this: If I were to stop thinking about you, you’d
+evaporate.”
+
+“Which is balls,” observed the second boy, judicially, again in the
+slang of his period, “and can be proved so. For you’re not always
+thinking about me, and I’ve never evaporated once.”
+
+The first boy, after a slight wink at the second, addressed the tutor.
+“Supposing you were to happen to forget yourself,” said he to that sleek
+gentleman, “would you evaporate?”
+
+The tutor turned his little eyes doubtfully upon the tennis boys, but
+answered, reciting the language of his notes: “The idealistic theory
+does not apply to the thinking ego, but to the world of external
+phenomena. The world exists in our conception of it.
+
+“Then,” said the second boy, “when a thing is inconceivable?”
+
+“It has no existence,” replied the tutor, complacently.
+
+“But a billion dollars is inconceivable,” retorted the boy. “No mind can
+take in a sum of that size; but it exists.”
+
+“Put that down! put that down!” shrieked the other boy. “You’ve struck
+something. If we get Berkeley on the paper, I’ll run that in.” He wrote
+rapidly, and then took a turn around the room, frowning as he walked.
+“The actuality of a thing,” said he, summing his clever thoughts up,
+“is not disproved by its being inconceivable. Ideas alone depend upon
+thought for their existence. There! Anybody can get off stuff like that
+by the yard.” He picked up a cork and a foot-rule, tossed the cork, and
+sent it flying out of the window with the foot-rule.
+
+“Skip Berkeley,” said the other boy.
+
+“How much more is there?”
+
+“Necessary and accidental truths,” answered the tutor, reading the
+subjects from his notes. “Hume and the causal law. The duality, or
+multiplicity, of the ego.”
+
+“The hard-boiled ego,” commented the boy the ruler; and he batted a
+swooping June-bug into space.
+
+“Sit down, idiot,” said his sprightly mate.
+
+Conversation ceased. Instruction went forward. Their pencils worked. The
+causal law, etc., went into their condensed notes like Liebig’s extract
+of beef, and drops of perspiration continued to trickle from their
+matted hair.
+
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+
+Bertie and Billy were sophomores. They had been alive for twenty years,
+and were young. Their tutor was also a sophomore. He too had been alive
+for twenty years, but never yet had become young. Bertie and Billy had
+colonial names (Rogers, I think, and Schuyler), but the tutor’s name was
+Oscar Maironi, and he was charging his pupils five dollars an hour
+each for his instruction. Do not think this excessive. Oscar could have
+tutored a whole class of irresponsibles, and by that arrangement have
+earned probably more; but Bertie and Billy had preempted him on account
+of his fame or high standing and accuracy, and they could well afford
+it. All three sophomores alike had happened to choose Philosophy 4 as
+one of their elective courses, and all alike were now face to face with
+the Day of Judgment. The final examinations had begun. Oscar could lay
+his hand upon his studious heart and await the Day of Judgment like--I
+had nearly said a Christian! His notes were full: Three hundred pages
+about Zeno and Parmenides and the rest, almost every word as it had come
+from the professor’s lips. And his memory was full, too, flowing like
+a player’s lines. With the right cue he could recite instantly: “An
+important application of this principle, with obvious reference to
+Heracleitos, occurs in Aristotle, who says--” He could do this with the
+notes anywhere. I am sure you appreciate Oscar and his great power of
+acquiring facts. So he was ready, like the wise virgins of parable.
+Bertie and Billy did not put one in mind of virgins: although they had
+burned considerable midnight oil, it had not been to throw light upon
+Philosophy 4. In them the mere word Heracleitos had raised a chill no
+later than yesterday,--the chill of the unknown. They had not attended
+the lectures on the “Greek bucks.” Indeed, profiting by their privilege
+of voluntary recitations, they had dropped in but seldom on Philosophy
+4. These blithe grasshoppers had danced and sung away the precious
+storing season, and now that the bleak hour of examinations was upon
+them, their waked-up hearts had felt aghast at the sudden vision of
+their ignorance. It was on a Monday noon that this feeling came fully
+upon them, as they read over the names of the philosophers. Thursday was
+the day of the examination. “Who’s Anaxagoras?” Billy had inquired of
+Bertie. “I’ll tell you,” said Bertie, “if you’ll tell me who Epicharmos
+of Kos was.” And upon this they embraced with helpless laughter. Then
+they reckoned up the hours left for them to learn Epicharmos of Kos
+in,--between Monday noon and Thursday morning at nine,--and their
+quailing chill increased. A tutor must be called in at once. So the
+grasshoppers, having money, sought out and quickly purchased the ant.
+
+Closeted with Oscar and his notes, they had, as Bertie put it, salted
+down the early Greek bucks by seven on Monday evening. By the same
+midnight they had, as Billy expressed it, called the turn on Plato.
+Tuesday was a second day of concentrated swallowing. Oscar had taken
+them through the thought of many centuries. There had been intermissions
+for lunch and dinner only; and the weather was exceedingly hot. The
+pale-skinned Oscar stood this strain better than the unaccustomed Bertie
+and Billy. Their jovial eyes had grown hollow to-night, although
+their minds were going gallantly, as you have probably noticed.
+Their criticisms, slangy and abrupt, struck the scholastic Oscar as
+flippancies which he must indulge, since the pay was handsome. That
+these idlers should jump in with doubts and questions not contained
+in his sacred notes raised in him feelings betrayed just once in that
+remark about “orriginal rresearch.”
+
+“Nine--ten--eleven--twelve,” went the little timepiece; and Oscar rose.
+
+“Gentlemen,” he said, closing the sacred notes, “we have finished the
+causal law.”
+
+“That’s the whole business except the ego racket, isn’t it?” said Billy.
+
+“The duality, or multiplicity of the ego remains,” Oscar replied.
+
+“Oh, I know its name. It ought to be a soft snap after what we’ve had.”
+
+“Unless it’s full of dates and names you’ve got to know,” said Bertie.
+
+“Don’t believe it is,” Billy answered. “I heard him at it once.” (This
+meant that Billy had gone to a lecture lately.) “It’s all about Who am
+I? and How do I do it?” Billy added.
+
+“Hm!” said Bertie. “Hm! Subjective and objective again, I suppose, only
+applied to oneself. You see, that table is objective. I can stand off
+and judge it. It’s outside of me; has nothing to do with me. That’s
+easy. But my opinion of--well, my--well, anything in my nature--”
+
+“Anger when it’s time to get up,” suggested Billy.
+
+“An excellent illustration,” said Bertie. “That is subjective in me.
+Similar to your dislike of water as a beverage. That is subjective in
+you. But here comes the twist. I can think of my own anger and judge it,
+just as if it were an outside thing, like a table. I can compare it with
+itself on different mornings or with other people’s anger. And I trust
+that you can do the same with your thirst.”
+
+“Yes,” said Billy; “I recognize that it is greater at times and less at
+others.”
+
+“Very well, There you are. Duality of the ego.”
+
+“Subject and object,” said Billy. “Perfectly true, and very queer when
+you try to think of it. Wonder how far it goes? Of course, one can
+explain the body’s being an object to the brain inside it. That’s mind
+and matter over again. But when my own mind and thought, can become
+objects to themselves--I wonder how far that does go?” he broke off
+musingly. “What useless stuff!” he ended.
+
+“Gentlemen,” said Oscar, who had been listening to them with patient,
+Oriental diversion, “I--”
+
+“Oh,” said Bertie, remembering him. “Look here. We mustn’t keep you up.
+We’re awfully obliged for the way you are putting us on to this. You’re
+saving our lives. Ten to-morrow for a grand review of the whole course.”
+
+“And the multiplicity of the ego?” inquired Oscar.
+
+“Oh, I forgot. Well, it’s too late tonight. Is it much? Are there many
+dates and names and things?”
+
+“It is more of a general inquiry and analysis,” replied Oscar. “But it
+is forty pages of my notes.” And he smiled.
+
+“Well, look here.  It would be nice to have to-morrow clear for review.
+We’re not tired. You leave us your notes and go to bed.”
+
+Oscar’s hand almost moved to cover and hold his precious property, for
+this instinct was the deepest in him. But it did not so move, because
+his intelligence controlled his instinct nearly, though not
+quite, always. His shiny little eyes, however, became furtive and
+antagonistic--something the boys did not at first make out.
+
+Oscar gave himself a moment of silence. “I could not brreak my rule,”
+ said he then. “I do not ever leave my notes with anybody. Mr. Woodridge
+asked for my History 3 notes, and Mr. Bailey wanted my notes for Fine
+Arts 1, and I could not let them have them. If Mr. Woodridge was to
+hear--”
+
+“But what in the dickens are you afraid of?”
+
+“Well, gentlemen, I would rather not. You would take good care, I know,
+but there are sometimes things which happen that we cannot help. One
+time a fire--”
+
+At this racial suggestion both boys made the room joyous with mirth.
+Oscar stood uneasily contemplating them. He would never be able to
+understand them, not as long as he lived, nor they him. When their mirth
+Was over he did somewhat better, but it was tardy. You see, he was not
+a specimen of the first rank, or he would have said at once what he said
+now: “I wish to study my notes a little myself, gentlemen.”
+
+“Go along, Oscar, with your inflammable notes, go along!” said Bertie,
+in supreme good-humor. “And we’ll meet to-morrow at ten--if there hasn’t
+been a fire--Better keep your notes in the bath, Oscar.”
+
+In as much haste as could be made with a good appearance, Oscar buckled
+his volume in its leather cover, gathered his hat and pencil, and,
+bidding his pupils a very good night, sped smoothly out of the room.
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+
+
+Oscar Maironi was very poor. His thin gray suit in summer resembled his
+thick gray suit in winter. It does not seem that he had more than two;
+but he had a black coat and waistcoat, and a narrow-brimmed, shiny hat
+to go with these, and one pair of patent-leather shoes that laced,
+and whose long soles curved upward at the toe like the rockers of a
+summer-hotel chair. These holiday garments served him in all seasons;
+and when you saw him dressed in them, and seated in a car bound for
+Park Square, you knew he was going into Boston, where he would read
+manuscript essays on Botticelli or Pico della Mirandola, or manuscript
+translations of Armenian folksongs; read these to ecstatic, dim-eyed
+ladies in Newbury Street, who would pour him cups of tea when it was
+over, and speak of his earnestness after he was gone. It did not do the
+ladies any harm; but I am not sure that it was the best thing for Oscar.
+It helped him feel every day, as he stepped along to recitations with
+his elbow clamping his books against his ribs and his heavy black curls
+bulging down from his gray slouch hat to his collar, how meritorious he
+was compared with Bertie and Billy--with all Berties and Billies. He may
+have been. Who shall say? But I will say at once that chewing the cud of
+one’s own virtue gives a sour stomach.
+
+Bertie’s and Billy’s parents owned town and country houses in New York.
+The parents of Oscar had come over in the steerage. Money filled the
+pockets of Bertie and Billy; therefore were their heads empty of money
+and full of less cramping thoughts. Oscar had fallen upon the reverse of
+this fate. Calculation was his second nature. He had given his education
+to himself; he had for its sake toiled, traded, outwitted, and saved.
+He had sent himself to college, where most of the hours not given to
+education and more education, went to toiling and more toiling, that
+he might pay his meagre way through the college world. He had a cheaper
+room and ate cheaper meals than was necessary. He tutored, and he wrote
+college specials for several newspapers. His chief relaxation was the
+praise of the ladies in Newbury Street. These told him of the future
+which awaited him, and when they gazed upon his features were put in
+mind of the dying Keats. Not that Oscar was going to die in the least.
+Life burned strong in him. There were sly times when he took what he had
+saved by his cheap meals and room and went to Boston with it, and for
+a few hours thoroughly ceased being ascetic. Yet Oscar felt meritorious
+when he considered Bertie and Billy; for, like the socialists, merit
+with him meant not being able to live as well as your neighbor. You will
+think that I have given to Oscar what is familiarly termed a black eye.
+But I was once inclined to applaud his struggle for knowledge, until I
+studied him close and perceived that his love was not for the education
+he was getting. Bertie and Billy loved play for play’s own sake, and
+in play forgot themselves, like the wholesome young creatures that they
+were. Oscar had one love only: through all his days whatever he might
+forget, he would remember himself; through all his days he would make
+knowledge show that self off. Thank heaven, all the poor students in
+Harvard College were not Oscars! I loved some of them as much as I loved
+Bertie and Billy. So there is no black eye about it. Pity Oscar, if you
+like; but don’t be so mushy as to admire him as he stepped along in the
+night, holding his notes, full of his knowledge, thinking of Bertie
+and Billy, conscious of virtue, and smiling his smile. They were not
+conscious of any virtue, were Bertie and Billy, nor were they smiling.
+They were solemnly eating up together a box of handsome strawberries and
+sucking the juice from their reddened thumbs.
+
+“Rather mean not to make him wait and have some of these after his hard
+work on us,” said Bertie. “I’d forgotten about them--”
+
+“He ran out before you could remember, anyway,” said Billy.
+
+“Wasn’t he absurd about his old notes? “Bertie went on, a new strawberry
+in his mouth. “We don’t need them, though. With to-morrow we’ll get this
+course down cold.”
+
+“Yes, to-morrow,” sighed Billy. “It’s awful to think of another day of
+this kind.”
+
+“Horrible,” assented Bertie.
+
+“He knows a lot. He’s extraordinary,” said Billy.
+
+“Yes, he is. He can talk the actual words of the notes. Probably
+he could teach the course himself. I don’t suppose he buys any
+strawberries, even when they get ripe and cheap here. What’s the matter
+with you?”
+
+Billy had broken suddenly into merriment. “I don’t believe Oscar owns a
+bath,” he explained.
+
+“By Jove! so his notes will burn in spite of everything!” And both of
+the tennis boys shrieked foolishly.
+
+Then Billy began taking his clothes off, strewing them in the
+window-seat, or anywhere that they happened to drop; and Bertie, after
+hitting another cork or two out of the window with the tennis racket,
+departed to his own room on another floor and left Billy to immediate
+and deep slumber. This was broken for a few moments when Billy’s
+room-mate returned happy from an excursion which had begun in the
+morning.
+
+The room-mate sat on Billy’s feet until that gentleman showed
+consciousness.
+
+“I’ve done it, said the room-mate, then.
+
+“The hell you have!”
+
+“You couldn’t do it.”
+
+“The hell I couldn’t!”
+
+“Great dinner.”
+
+“The hell it was!”
+
+“Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, rum omelette. Bet you five dollars you can’t find it.”
+
+“Take you. Got to bed.” And Billy fell again into deep, immediate
+slumber.
+
+The room-mate went out into the sitting room, and noting the signs there
+of the hard work which had gone on during his absence, was glad that he
+did not take Philosophy 4. He was soon asleep also.
+
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+
+
+Billy got up early. As he plunged into his cold bath he envied his
+room-mate, who could remain at rest indefinitely, while his own hard lot
+was hurrying him to prayers and breakfast and Oscar’s inexorable notes.
+He sighed once more as he looked at the beauty of the new morning
+and felt its air upon his cheeks. He and Bertie belonged to the same
+club-table, and they met there mournfully over the oatmeal. This very
+hour to-morrow would see them eating their last before the
+examination in Philosophy 4. And nothing pleasant was going to happen
+between,--nothing that they could dwell upon with the slightest
+satisfaction. Nor had their sleep entirely refreshed them. Their eyes
+were not quite right, and their hair, though it was brushed, showed
+fatigue of the nerves in a certain inclination to limpness and disorder.
+
+
+    “Epicharmos of Kos
+    Was covered with moss,”
+
+remarked Billy.
+
+
+    “Thales and Zeno
+    Were duffers at keno,”
+
+added Bertie.
+
+In the hours of trial they would often express their education thus.
+
+“Philosophers I have met,” murmured Billy, with scorn And they ate
+silently for some time.
+
+“There’s one thing that’s valuable,” said Bertie next. “When they spring
+those tricks on you about the flying arrow not moving, and all the rest,
+and prove it all right by logic, you learn what pure logic amounts to
+when it cuts loose from common sense. And Oscar thinks it’s immense. We
+shocked him.”
+
+“He’s found the Bird-in-Hand!” cried Billy, quite suddenly.
+
+“Oscar?” said Bertie, with an equal shout.
+
+“No, John. John has. Came home last night and waked me up and told me.”
+
+“Good for John,” remarked Bertie, pensively.
+
+Now, to the undergraduate mind of that day the Bird-in-Hand tavern was
+what the golden fleece used to be to the Greeks,--a sort of shining,
+remote, miraculous thing, difficult though not impossible to find, for
+which expeditions were fitted out. It was reported to be somewhere in
+the direction of Quincy, and in one respect it resembled a ghost: you
+never saw a man who had seen it himself; it was always his cousin, or
+his elder brother in ‘79. But for the successful explorer a dinner and
+wines were waiting at the Bird-in-Hand more delicious than anything
+outside of Paradise. You will realize, therefore, what a thing it was
+to have a room-mate who had attained. If Billy had not been so dog-tired
+last night, he would have sat up and made John tell him everything from
+beginning to end.
+
+“Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, and rum omelette,” he was now reciting to Bertie.
+
+“They say the rum there is old Jamaica brought in slave-ships,” said
+Bertie, reverently.
+
+“I’ve heard he has white port of 1820,” said Billy; “and claret and
+champagne.”
+
+Bertie looked out of the window. “This is the finest day there’s been,”
+ said he. Then he looked at his watch. It was twenty-five minutes before
+Oscar. Then he looked Billy hard in the eye. “Have you any sand?” he
+inquired.
+
+It was a challenge to Billy’s manhood. “Sand!” he yelled, sitting up.
+
+Both of them in an instant had left the table and bounded out of the
+house. “I’ll meet you at Pike’s,” said Billy to Bertie. “Make him give
+us the black gelding.”
+
+“Might as well bring our notes along,” Bertie called after his rushing
+friend; “and get John to tell you the road.”
+
+To see their haste, as the two fled in opposite directions upon
+their errands, you would have supposed them under some crying call of
+obligation, or else to be escaping from justice.
+
+Twenty minutes later they were seated behind the black gelding and
+bound on their journey in search of the bird-in-Hand. Their notes in
+Philosophy 4 were stowed under the buggy-seat.
+
+“Did Oscar see you?” Bertie inquired.
+
+“Not he,” cried Billy, joyously.
+
+“Oscar will wonder,” said Bertie; and he gave the black gelding a
+triumphant touch with the whip.
+
+You see, it was Oscar that had made them run go; or, rather, it was
+Duty and Fate walking in Oscar’s displeasing likeness. Nothing easier,
+nothing more reasonable, than to see the tutor and tell him they should
+not need him to-day. But that would have spoiled everything. They did
+not know it, but deep in their childlike hearts was a delicious sense
+that in thus unaccountably disappearing they had won a great game, had
+got away ahead of Duty and Fate. After all it did bear some resemblance
+to an escape from justice. .
+
+Could he have known this, Oscar would have felt more superior than ever.
+Punctually at the hour agreed, ten o’clock he rapped at Billy’s door and
+stood waiting, his leather wallet of notes nipped safe between elbow and
+ribs. Then he knocked again. Then he tried the door, and as it was open,
+he walked deferentially into the sitting room. Sonorous snores came from
+one of the bedrooms. Oscar peered in and saw John; but he saw no Billy
+in the other bed. Then, always deferential, he sat down in the sitting
+room and watched a couple of prettily striped coats hanging in a
+half-open closet.
+
+At that moment the black gelding was flirtatiously crossing the
+drawbridge over the Charles on the Allston Road. The gelding knew the
+clank of those suspending chains and the slight unsteadiness of the
+meeting halves of the bridge as well as it knew oats. But it could not
+enjoy its own entirely premeditated surprise quite so much as Bertie and
+Billy were enjoying their entirely unpremeditated flight from Oscar. The
+wind rippled on the water; down at the boat-house Smith was helping
+some one embark in a single scull; they saw the green meadows toward
+Brighton; their foreheads felt cool and unvexed, and each new minute had
+the savor of fresh forbidden fruit.
+
+“How do we go?” said Bertie.
+
+“I forgot I had a bet with John until I had waked him,” said Billy. “He
+bet me five last night I couldn’t find it, and I took him. Of course,
+after that I had no right to ask him anything, and he thought I was
+funny. He said I couldn’t find out if the landlady’s hair was her own. I
+went him another five on that.”
+
+“How do you say we ought to go?” said Bertie, presently.
+
+“Quincy, I’m sure.”
+
+They were now crossing the Albany tracks at Allston. “We’re going to get
+there,” said Bertie; and he turned the black gelding toward Brookline
+and Jamaica Plain.
+
+The enchanting day surrounded them. The suburban houses, even the
+suburban street-cars, seemed part of one great universal plan of
+enjoyment. Pleasantness so radiated from the boys’ faces and from their
+general appearance of clean white flannel trousers and soft clean shirts
+of pink and blue that a driver on a passing car leaned to look after
+them with a smile and a butcher hailed them with loud brotherhood from
+his cart. They turned a corner, and from a long way off came the sight
+of the tower of Memorial Hall. Plain above all intervening tenements
+and foliage it rose. Over there beneath its shadow were examinations
+and Oscar. It caught Billy’s roving eye, and he nudged Bertie, pointing
+silently to it. “Ha, ha!” sang Bertie. And beneath his light whip the
+gelding sprang forward into its stride.
+
+
+The clocks of Massachusetts struck eleven. Oscar rose doubtfully from
+his chair in Billy’s study. Again he looked into Billy’s bedroom and at
+the empty bed. Then he went for a moment and watched the still forcibly
+sleeping John. He turned his eyes this way and that, and after standing
+for a while moved quietly back to his chair and sat down with the
+leather wallet of notes on his lap, his knees together, and his
+unblocked shoes touching. In due time the clocks of Massachusetts struck
+noon.
+
+
+In a meadow where a brown amber stream ran, lay Bertie and Billy on the
+grass. Their summer coats were off, their belts loosened. They watched
+with eyes half closed the long water-weeds moving gently as the current
+waved and twined them. The black gelding, brought along a farm road and
+through a gate, waited at its ease in the field beside a stone wall.
+Now and then it stretched and cropped a young leaf from a vine that grew
+over the wall, and now and then the want wind brought down the fruit
+blossoms all over the meadow. They fell from the tree where Bertie and
+Billy lay, and the boys brushed them from their faces. Not very far away
+was Blue Hill, softly shining; and crows high up in the air came from it
+occasionally across here.
+
+By one o’clock a change had come in Billy’s room. Oscar during that hour
+had opened his satchel of philosophy upon his lap and read his notes
+attentively. Being almost word perfect in many parts of them, he now
+spent his unexpected leisure in acquiring accurately the language of
+still further paragraphs. “The sharp line of demarcation which Descartes
+drew between consciousness and the material world,” whispered Oscar with
+satisfaction, and knew that if Descartes were on the examination paper
+he could start with this and go on for nearly twenty lines before
+he would have to use any words of his own. As he memorized, the
+chambermaid, who had come to do the bedrooms three times already and had
+gone away again, now returned and no longer restrained her indignation.
+“Get up Mr. Blake!” she vociferated to the sleeping John; “you ought to
+be ashamed!” And she shook the bedstead. Thus John had come to rise and
+discover Oscar. The patient tutor explained himself as John listened in
+his pyjamas.
+
+“Why, I’m sorry,” said he, “but I don’t believe they’ll get back very
+soon.”
+
+“They have gone away?” asked Oscar, sharply.
+
+“Ah--yes,” returned the reticent John. “An unexpected matter of
+importance.”
+
+“But, my dear sir, those gentlemen know nothing! Philosophy 4 is
+tomorrow, and they know nothing.”
+
+“They’ll have to stand it, then,” said John, with a grin.
+
+“And my time. I am waiting here. I am engaged to teach them. I have been
+waiting here since ten. They engaged me all day and this evening.
+
+“I don’t believe there’s the slightest use in your waiting now, you
+know. They’ll probably let you know when they come back.”
+
+“Probably! But they have engaged my time. The girl knows I was here
+ready at ten. I call you to witness that you found me waiting, ready at
+any time.”
+
+John in his pyjamas stared at Oscar. “Why, of course they’ll pay you the
+whole thing,” said he, coldly; “stay here if you prefer.” And he went
+into the bathroom and closed the door.
+
+The tutor stood awhile, holding his notes and turning his little eyes
+this way and that. His young days had been dedicated to getting the
+better of his neighbor, because otherwise his neighbor would get the
+better of him. Oscar had never suspected the existence of boys like John
+and Bertie and Billy. He stood holding his notes, and then, buckling
+them up once more, he left the room with evidently reluctant steps. It
+was at this time that the clocks struck one.
+
+
+In their field among the soft new grass sat Bertie and Billy some ten
+yards apart, each with his back against an apple tree. Each had his
+notes and took his turn at questioning the other. Thus the names of the
+Greek philosophers with their dates and doctrines were shouted gayly in
+the meadow. The foreheads of the boys were damp to-day, as they had been
+last night, and their shirts were opened to the air; but it was the
+sun that made them hot now, and no lamp or gas; and already they looked
+twice as alive as they had looked at breakfast. There they sat, while
+their memories gripped the summarized list of facts essential, facts to
+be known accurately; the simple, solid, raw facts, which, should they
+happen to come on the examination paper, no skill could evade nor any
+imagination supply. But this study was no longer dry and dreadful to
+them: they had turned it to a sporting event. “What about Heracleitos?”
+ Billy as catechist would put at Bertie. “Eternal flux,” Bertie would
+correctly snap back at Billy. Or, if he got it mixed up, and replied,
+“Everything is water,” which was the doctrine of another Greek, then
+Billy would credit himself with twenty-five cents on a piece of paper.
+Each ran a memorandum of this kind; and you can readily see how spirited
+a character metaphysics would assume under such conditions.
+
+“I’m going in,” said Bertie, suddenly, as Billy was crediting himself
+with a fifty-cent gain. “What’s your score?”
+
+“Two seventy-five, counting your break on Parmenides. It’ll be cold.”
+
+“No, it won’t. Well, I’m only a quarter behind you.” And Bertie puffed
+off his shoes. Soon he splashed into the stream where the bend made a
+hole of some depth.
+
+“Cold?” inquired Billy on the bank. Bertie closed his eyes dreamily.
+“Delicious,” said he, and sank luxuriously beneath the surface with slow
+strokes.
+
+Billy had his clothes off in a moment, and, taking the plunge, screamed
+loudly “You liar!” he yelled, as he came up. And he made for Bertie.
+
+Delight rendered Bertie weak and helpless; he was caught and ducked; and
+after some vigorous wrestling both came out of the icy water.
+
+“Now we’ve got no towels, you fool,” said Billy.
+
+“Use your notes,” said Bertie, and he rolled in the grass. Then they
+chased each other round the apple trees, and the black gelding watched
+them by the wall, its ears well forward.
+
+While they were dressing they discovered it was half-past one, and
+became instantly famished. “We should have brought lunch along,” they
+told each other. But they forgot that no such thing as lunch could have
+induced them to delay their escape from Cambridge for a moment this
+morning. “What do you suppose Oscar is doing now?” Billy inquired of
+Bertie, as they led the black gelding back to the road; and Bertie
+laughed like an infant. “Gentlemen,” said he, in Oscar’s manner, “we
+now approach the multiplicity of the ego.” The black gelding must have
+thought it had humorists to deal with this day.
+
+
+Oscar, as a matter of fact, was eating his cheap lunch away over in
+Cambridge. There was cold mutton, and boiled potatoes with hard brown
+spots in them, and large picked cucumbers; and the salt was damp and
+would not shake out through the holes in the top of the bottle. But
+Oscar ate two helps of everything with a good appetite, and between
+whiles looked at his notes, which lay open beside him on the table.
+At the stroke of two he was again knocking at his pupils’ door. But no
+answer came. John had gone away somewhere for indefinite hours and
+the door was locked. So Oscar wrote: “Called, two p.m.,” on a scrap
+of envelope, signed his name, and put it through the letter-slit.
+It crossed his mind to hunt other pupils for his vacant time, but
+he decided against this at once, and returned to his own room. Three
+o’clock found him back at the door, knocking scrupulously, The idea of
+performing his side of the contract, of tendering his goods and standing
+ready at all times to deliver them, was in his commercially mature mind.
+This time he had brought a neat piece of paper with him, and wrote upon
+it, “Called, three P.M.,” and signed it as before, and departed to his
+room with a sense of fulfilled obligations.
+
+
+Bertie and Billy had lunched at Mattapan quite happily on cold ham, cold
+pie, and doughnuts. Mattapan, not being accustomed to such lilies of the
+field, stared at their clothes and general glory, but observed that they
+could eat the native bill-of-fare as well as anybody. They found
+some good, cool beer, moreover, and spoke to several people of
+the Bird-in-Hand, and got several answers: for instance, that the
+Bird-in-Hand was at Hingham; that it was at Nantasket; that they had
+better inquire for it at South Braintree; that they had passed it a
+mile back; and that there was no such place. If you would gauge
+the intelligence of our population, inquire your way in a rural
+neighborhood. With these directions they took up their journey after
+an hour and a half,--a halt made chiefly for the benefit of the black
+gelding, whom they looked after as much as they did themselves. For
+a while they discussed club matters seriously, as both of them were
+officers of certain organizations, chosen so on account of their
+recognized executive gifts. These questions settled, they resumed the
+lighter theme of philosophy, and made it (as Billy observed) a near
+thing for the Causal law. But as they drove along, their minds left this
+topic on the abrupt discovery that the sun was getting down out of the
+sky, and they asked each other where they were and what they should
+do. They pulled up at some cross-roads and debated this with growing
+uneasiness. Behind them lay the way to Cambridge,--not very clear, to be
+sure; but you could always go where you had come from, Billy seemed to
+think. He asked, “How about Cambridge and a little Oscar to finish off
+with?” Bertie frowned. This would be failure. Was Billy willing to go
+back and face John the successful?
+
+“It would only cost me five dollars,” said Billy.
+
+“Ten,” Bertie corrected. He recalled to Billy the matter about the
+landlady’s hair.
+
+“By Jove, that’s so!” cried Billy, brightening. It seemed conclusive.
+But he grew cloudy again the next moment. He was of opinion that one
+could go too far in a thing.
+
+“Where’s your sand?” said Bertie.
+
+Billy made an unseemly rejoinder, but even in the making was visited by
+inspiration. He saw the whole thing as it really was. “By Jove!” said
+he, “we couldn’t get back in time for dinner.”
+
+“There’s my bonny boy!” said Bertie, with pride; and he touched up
+the black gelding. Uneasiness had left both of them. Cambridge was
+manifestly impossible; an error in judgment; food compelled them to
+seek the Bird-in-Hand. “We’ll try Quincy, anyhow,” Bertie said. Billy
+suggested that they inquire of people on the road. This provided a new
+sporting event: they could bet upon the answers. Now, the roads, not
+populous at noon, had grown solitary in the sweetness of the long
+twilight. Voices of birds there were; and little, black, quick brooks,
+full to the margin grass, shot under the roadway through low bridges.
+Through the web of young foliage the sky shone saffron, and frogs piped
+in the meadow swamps. No cart or carriage appeared, however, and the
+bets languished. Bertie, driving with one hand, was buttoning his coat
+with the other, when the black gelding leaped from the middle of the
+road to the turf and took to backing. The buggy reeled; but the driver
+was skilful, and fifteen seconds of whip and presence of mind brought it
+out smoothly. Then the cause of all this spoke to them from a gate.
+
+“Come as near spillin’ as you boys wanted, I guess,” remarked the cause.
+
+They looked, and saw him in huge white shirt-sleeves, shaking with
+joviality. “If you kep’ at it long enough you might a-most learn to
+drive a horse,” he continued, eying Bertie. This came as near direct
+praise as the true son of our soil--Northern or Southern--often thinks
+well of. Bertie was pleased, but made a modest observation, and “Are we
+near the tavern?” he asked. “Bird-in-Hand!” the son of the soil echoed;
+and he contemplated them from his gate. “That’s me,” he stated, with
+complacence. “Bill Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand has been me since April,
+‘65.” His massy hair had been yellow, his broad body must have weighed
+two hundred and fifty pounds, his face was canny, red, and somewhat
+clerical, resembling Henry Ward Beecher’s.
+
+“Trout,” he said, pointing to a basket by the gate. “For your dinner.
+“Then he climbed heavily but skilfully down and picked up the basket and
+a rod. “Folks round here say,” said he, “that there ain’t no more trout
+up them meadows. They’ve been a-sayin’ that since ‘74; and I’ve been
+a-sayin’ it myself, when judicious.” Here he shook slightly and opened
+the basket. “Twelve,” he said. “Sixteen yesterday. Now you go along and
+turn in the first right-hand turn, and I’ll be up with you soon. Maybe
+you might make room for the trout.” Room for him as well, they assured
+him; they were in luck to find him, they explained. “Well, I guess
+I’ll trust my neck with you,” he said to Bertie, the skillful driver;
+“‘tain’t five minutes’ risk.” The buggy leaned, and its springs bent as
+he climbed in, wedging his mature bulk between their slim shapes. The
+gelding looked round the shaft at them. “Protestin’, are you?” he said
+to it. “These light-weight stoodents spile you!” So the gelding went
+on, expressing, however, by every line of its body, a sense of outraged
+justice. The boys related their difficult search, and learned that any
+mention of the name of Diggs would have brought them straight. “Bill
+Higgs of the Bird-in-Hand was my father, and my grandf’ther, and his
+father; and has been me sence I come back from the war and took the
+business in ‘65. I’m not commonly to be met out this late. About fifteen
+minutes earlier is my time for gettin’ back, unless I’m plannin’ for a
+jamboree. But to-night I got to settin’ and watchin’ that sunset, and
+listenin’ to a darned red-winged blackbird, and I guess Mrs. Higgs has
+decided to expect me somewheres about noon to-morrow or Friday. Say,
+did Johnnie send you? “When he found that John had in a measure been
+responsible for their journey, he filled with gayety. “Oh, Johnnie’s a
+bird!” said he. “He’s that demure on first appearance. Walked in last
+evening and wanted dinner. Did he tell you what he ate? Guess he left
+out what he drank. Yes, he’s demure.”
+
+You might suppose that upon their landlord’s safe and sober return
+fifteen minutes late, instead of on the expected noon of Thursday or
+Friday, their landlady would show signs of pleasure; but Mrs. Diggs from
+the porch threw an uncordial eye at the three arriving in the buggy.
+Here were two more like Johnnie of last night. She knew them by the
+clothes they wore and by the confidential tones of her husband’s voice
+as he chatted to them. He had been old enough to know better for twenty
+years. But for twenty years he had taken the same extreme joy in the
+company of Johnnies, and they were bad for his health. Her final proof
+that they belonged to this hated breed was when Mr. Diggs thumped the
+trout down on the porch, and after briefly remarking, “Half of ‘em
+boiled, and half broiled with bacon,” himself led away the gelding to
+the stable instead of intrusting it to his man Silas.
+
+“You may set in the parlor,” said Mrs. Diggs, and departed stiffly with
+the basket of trout.
+
+“It’s false,” said Billy, at once.
+
+Bertie did not grasp his thought.
+
+“Her hair,” said Billy. And certainly it was an unusual-looking
+arrangement.
+
+Presently, as they sat near a parlor organ in the presence of earnest
+family portraits, Bertie made a new poem for Billy,--
+
+     “Said Aristotle unto Plato,
+    ‘Have another sweet potato? ’”
+
+And Billy responded,--
+
+    “Said Plato unto Aristotle,
+    ‘Thank you, I prefer the bottle.’”
+
+“In here, are you?” said their beaming host at the door. “Now, I think
+you’d find my department of the premises cosier, so to speak.” He
+nudged Bertie. “Do you boys guess it’s too early in the season for a
+silver-fizz?”
+
+
+We must not wholly forget Oscar in Cambridge. During the afternoon he
+had not failed in his punctuality; two more neat witnesses to this lay
+on the door-mat beneath the letter-slit of Billy’s room, And at the
+appointed hour after dinner a third joined them, making five. John found
+these cards when he came home to go to bed, and picked them up and stuck
+them ornamentally in Billy’s looking-glass, as a greeting when Billy
+should return, The eight o’clock visit was the last that Oscar paid
+to the locked door, He remained through the evening in his own room,
+studious, contented, unventilated, indulging in his thick notes, and
+also in the thought of Billy’s and Bertie’s eleventh-hour scholarship,
+“Even with another day,” he told himself, “those young men could not
+have got fifty per cent,” In those times this was the passing mark.
+To-day I believe you get an A, or a B, or some other letter denoting
+your rank. In due time Oscar turned out his gas and got into his bed;
+and the clocks of Massachusetts struck midnight.
+
+Mrs. Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had retired at eleven, furious with rage,
+but firm in dignity in spite of a sudden misadventure. Her hair, being
+the subject of a sporting event, had remained steadily fixed in Billy’s
+mind,--steadily fixed throughout an entertainment which began at an
+early hour to assume the features of a celebration. One silver-fizz
+before dinner is nothing; but dinner did not come at once, and the
+boys were thirsty. The hair of Mrs. Diggs had caught Billy’s eye again
+immediately upon her entrance to inform them that the meal was ready;
+and whenever she reentered with a new course from the kitchen, Billy’s
+eye wandered back to it, although Mr. Diggs had become full of anecdotes
+about the Civil War. It was partly Grecian: a knot stood out behind to
+a considerable distance. But this was not the whole plan. From front to
+back ran a parting, clear and severe, and curls fell from this to the
+temples in a manner called, I believe, by the enlightened, a l’Anne
+d’Autriche. The color was gray, to be sure; but this propriety did not
+save the structure from Billy’s increasing observation. As bottles
+came to stand on the table in greater numbers, the closer and the more
+solemnly did Billy continue to follow the movements of Mrs. Diggs. They
+would without doubt have noticed him and his foreboding gravity but for
+Mr. Diggs’s experiences in the Civil War.
+
+The repast was finished--so far as eating went. Mrs. Diggs with
+changeless dudgeon was removing and washing the dishes. At the
+revellers’ elbows stood the 1820 port in its fine, fat, old, dingy
+bottle, going pretty fast. Mr. Diggs was nearing the end of Antietam.
+“That morning of the 18th, while McClellan was holdin’ us squattin’ and
+cussin’,” he was saying to Bertie, when some sort of shuffling sound in
+the corner caught their attention. We can never know how it happened.
+Billy ought to know, but does not, and Mrs. Diggs allowed no subsequent
+reference to the casualty. But there she stood with her entire hair at
+right angles. The Grecian knot extended above her left ear, and her nose
+stuck through one set of Anne d’Autriche. Beside her Billy stood, solemn
+as a stone, yet with a sort of relief glazed upon his face.
+
+Mr. Diggs sat straight up at the vision of his spouse. “Flouncing
+Florence!” was his exclamation. “Gee-whittaker, Mary, if you ain’t the
+most unmitigated sight!” And wind then left him.
+
+Mary’s reply arrived in tones like a hornet stinging slowly and often.
+“Mr. Diggs, I have put up with many things, and am expecting to put
+up with many more. But you’d behave better if you consorted with
+gentlemen.”
+
+The door slammed and she was gone. Not a word to either of the boys, not
+even any notice of them. It was thorough, and silence consequently held
+them for a moment.
+
+“He didn’t mean anything,” said Bertie, growing partially responsible.
+
+“Didn’t mean anything,” repeated Billy, like a lesson.
+
+“I’ll take him and he’ll apologize,” Bertie pursued, walking over to
+Billy.
+
+“He’ll apologize,” went Billy, like a cheerful piece of mechanism.
+Responsibility was still quite distant from him.
+
+Mr. Diggs got his wind back. “Better not,” he advised in something near
+a whisper. “Better not go after her. Her father was a fightin’ preacher,
+and she’s--well, begosh! she’s a chip of the old pulpit.” And he rolled
+his eye towards the door. Another door slammed somewhere above, and they
+gazed at each other, did Bertie and Mr. Diggs. Then Mr. Diggs, still
+gazing at Bertie, beckoned to him with a speaking eye and a crooked
+finger; and as he beckoned, Bertie approached like a conspirator and sat
+down close to him. “Begosh!” whispered Mr. Diggs. “Unmitigated.” And at
+this he and Bertie laid their heads down on the table and rolled about
+in spasms.
+
+Billy from his corner seemed to become aware of them. With his eye fixed
+upon them like a statue, he came across the room, and, sitting down near
+them with formal politeness, observed, “Was you ever to the battle of
+Antietam?” This sent them beyond the limit; and they rocked their heads
+on the table and wept as if they would expire.
+
+Thus the three remained, during what space of time is not known: the
+two upon the table, convalescent with relapses, and Billy like a seated
+idol, unrelaxed at his vigil. The party was seen through the windows by
+Silas, coming from the stable to inquire if the gelding should not be
+harnessed. Silas leaned his face to the pane, and envy spoke plainly in
+it. “O my! O my!” he mentioned aloud to himself. So we have the whole
+household: Mrs. Diggs reposing scornfully in an upper chamber; all parts
+of the tavern darkened, save the one lighted room; the three inside that
+among their bottles, with the one outside looking covetously in at them;
+and the gelding stamping in the stable.
+
+But Silas, since he could not share, was presently of opinion that this
+was enough for one sitting, and he tramped heavily upon the porch. This
+brought Bertie back to the world of reality, and word was given to fetch
+the gelding. The host was in no mood to part with them, and spoke of
+comfortable beds and breakfast as early as they liked; but Bertie had
+become entirely responsible. Billy was helped in, Silas was liberally
+thanked, and they drove away beneath the stars, leaving behind them
+golden opinions, and a host who decided not to disturb his helpmate by
+retiring to rest in their conjugal bed.
+
+Bertie had forgotten, but the playful gelding had not. When they came
+abreast of that gate where Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had met them at
+sunset, Bertie was only aware that a number of things had happened at
+once, and that he had stopped the horse after about twenty yards of
+battle. Pride filled him, but emptied away in the same instant, for a
+voice on the road behind him spoke inquiringly through the darkness.
+
+“Did any one fall out?” said the voice. “Who fell out?”
+
+“Billy!” shrieked Bertie, cold all over. “Billy, are you hurt?”
+
+“Did Billy fall out?” said the voice, with plaintive cadence. “Poor
+Billy!”
+
+“He can’t be,” muttered Bertie. “Are you?” he loudly repeated.
+
+There was no answer: but steps came along the road as Bertie checked and
+pacified the gelding. Then Billy appeared by the wheel. “Poor Billy fell
+out,” he said mildly. He held something up, which Bertie took. It
+had been Billy’s straw hat, now a brimless fabric of ruin. Except for
+smirches and one inexpressible rent which dawn revealed to Bertie a
+little later, there were no further injuries, and Billy got in and took
+his seat quite competently.
+
+Bertie drove the gelding with a firm hand after this. They passed
+through the cool of the unseen meadow swamps, and heard the sound of the
+hollow bridges as they crossed them, and now and then the gulp of some
+pouring brook. They went by the few lights of Mattapan, seeing from some
+points on their way the beacons of the harbor, and again the curving
+line of lamps that drew the outline of some village built upon a hill.
+Dawn showed them Jamaica Pond, smooth and breezeless, and encircled with
+green skeins of foliage, delicate and new. Here multitudinous birds were
+chirping their tiny, overwhelming chorus. When at length, across the
+flat suburban spaces, they again sighted Memorial tower, small in the
+distance, the sun was lighting it.
+
+Confronted by this, thoughts of hitherto banished care, and of the
+morrow that was now to-day, and of Philosophy 4 coming in a very
+few hours, might naturally have arisen and darkened the end of their
+pleasant excursion. Not so, however. Memorial tower suggested another
+line of argument. It was Billy who spoke, as his eyes first rested upon
+that eminent pinnacle of Academe.
+
+“Well, John owes me five dollars.”
+
+“Ten, you mean.”
+
+“Ten? How?”
+
+“Why, her hair. And it was easily worth twenty.”
+
+Billy turned his head and looked suspiciously at Bertie. “What did I
+do?” he asked.
+
+“Do! Don’t you know?”
+
+Billy in all truth did not.
+
+“Phew!” went Bertie. “Well, I don’t, either. Didn’t see it. Saw the
+consequences, though. Don’t you remember being ready to apologize? What
+do you remember, anyhow?”
+
+Billy consulted his recollections with care: they seemed to break off
+at the champagne. That was early. Bertie was astonished. Did not Billy
+remember singing “Brace up and dress the Countess,” and “A noble lord
+the Earl of Leicester”? He had sung them quite in his usual manner,
+conversing freely between whiles. In fact, to see and hear him, no one
+would have suspected--“It must have been that extra silver-fizz you took
+before dinner,” said Bertie. “Yes,” said Billy; “that’s what it must
+have been.” Bertie supplied the gap in his memory,--a matter of several
+hours, it seemed. During most of this time Billy had met the demands of
+each moment quite like his usual agreeable self--a sleep-walking state.
+It was only when the hair incident was reached that his conduct had
+noticeably crossed the line. He listened to all this with interest
+intense.
+
+“John does owe me ten, I think,” said he.
+
+“I say so,” declared Bertie. “When do you begin to remember again?”
+
+“After I got in again at the gate. Why did I get out?”
+
+“You fell out, man.”
+
+Billy was incredulous.
+
+“You did. You tore your clothes wide open.”
+
+Billy, looking at his trousers, did not see it.
+
+“Rise, and I’ll show you,” said Bertie.
+
+“Goodness gracious!” said Billy.
+
+Thus discoursing, they reached Harvard Square. Not your Harvard Square,
+gentle reader, that place populous with careless youths and careful
+maidens and reticent persons with books, but one of sleeping windows
+and clear, cool air and few sounds; a Harvard Square of emptiness and
+conspicuous sparrows and milk wagons and early street-car conductors in
+long coats going to their breakfast; and over all this the sweetness of
+the arching elms.
+
+As the gelding turned down toward Pike’s, the thin old church clock
+struck. “Always sounds,” said Billy, “like cambric tea.”
+
+“Cambridge tea,” said Bertie.
+
+“Walk close behind me,” said Billy, as they came away from the livery
+stable. “Then they won’t see the hole.”
+
+Bertie did so; but the hole was seen by the street-car conductors and
+the milkmen, and these sympathetic hearts smiled at the sight of the
+marching boys, and loved them without knowing any more of them than
+this. They reached their building and separated.
+
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+
+
+One hour later they met. Shaving and a cold bath and summer flannels,
+not only clean but beautiful, invested them with the radiant innocence
+of flowers. It was still too early for their regular breakfast, and they
+sat down to eggs and coffee at the Holly Tree.
+
+“I waked John up,” said Billy. “He is satisfied.”
+
+“Let’s have another order,” said Bertie. “These eggs are delicious.”
+ Each of them accordingly ate four eggs and drank two cups of coffee.
+
+“Oscar called five times,” said Billy; and he threw down those cards
+which Oscar had so neatly written.
+
+“There’s multiplicity of the ego for you!” said Bertie.
+
+Now, inspiration is a strange thing, and less obedient even than love
+to the will of man. It will decline to come when you prepare for it with
+the loftiest intentions, and, lo! at an accidental word it will suddenly
+fill you, as at this moment it filled Billy.
+
+“By gum!” said he, laying his fork down. “Multiplicity of the ego. Look
+here. I fall out of a buggy and ask--”
+
+“By gum!” said Bertie, now also visited by inspiration.
+
+“Don’t you see?” said Billy.
+
+“I see a whole lot more,” said Bertie, with excitement. “I had to tell
+you about your singing.” And the two burst into a flare of talk. To hear
+such words as cognition, attention, retention, entity, and identity,
+freely mingled with such other words as silver-fizz and false
+hair, brought John, the egg-and-coffee man, as near surprise as his
+impregnable nature permitted. Thus they finished their large breakfast,
+and hastened to their notes for a last good bout at memorizing
+Epicharmos of Kos and his various brethren. The appointed hour found
+them crossing the college yard toward a door inside which Philosophy 4
+awaited them: three hours of written examination! But they looked more
+roseate and healthy than most of the anxious band whose steps were
+converging to that same gate of judgment. Oscar, meeting them on the
+way, gave them his deferential “Good morning,” and trusted that the
+gentlemen felt easy. Quite so, they told him, and bade him feel easy
+about his pay, for which they were, of course, responsible. Oscar wished
+them good luck and watched them go to their desks with his little eyes,
+smiling in his particular manner. Then he dismissed them from his
+mind, and sat with a faint remnant of his smile, fluently writing his
+perfectly accurate answer to the first question upon the examination
+paper.
+
+Here is that paper. You will not be able to answer all the questions,
+probably, but you may be glad to know what such things are like.
+
+
+                         PHILOSOPHY 4
+
+
+1. Thales, Zeno, Parmenides, Heracleitos, Anaxagoras. State briefly the
+doctrine of each.
+
+2. Phenomenon, noumenon. Discuss these terms. Name their modern
+descendants.
+
+3. Thought=Being. Assuming this, state the difference, if any, between
+(1) memory and anticipation; (2) sleep and waking.
+
+4. Democritus, Pythagoras, Bacon. State the relation between them. In
+what terms must the objective world ultimately be stated? Why?
+
+5. Experience is the result of time and space being included in the
+nature of mind. Discuss this.
+
+6. Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensibus. Whose
+doctrine? Discuss it.
+
+7. What is the inherent limitation in all ancient philosophy? Who first
+removed it?
+
+8. Mind is expressed through what? Matter through what? Is speech the
+result or the cause of thought?
+
+9. Discuss the nature of the ego.
+
+10. According to Plato, Locke, Berkeley, where would the sweetness of a
+honeycomb reside? Where would its shape? its weight? Where do you think
+these properties reside?
+
+
+Ten questions, and no Epicharmos of Kos. But no examination paper asks
+everything, and this one did ask a good deal. Bertie and Billy wrote the
+full time allotted, and found that they could have filled an hour more
+without coming to the end of their thoughts. Comparing notes at lunch,
+their information was discovered to have been lacking here and there.
+Nevertheless, it was no failure; their inner convictions were sure of
+fifty per cent at least, and this was all they asked of the gods. “I
+was ripping about the ego,” said Bertie. “I was rather splendid myself,”
+ said Billy, “when I got going. And I gave him a huge steer about
+memory.” After lunch both retired to their beds and fell into sweet
+oblivion until seven o’clock, when they rose and dined, and after
+playing a little poker went to bed again pretty early.
+
+Some six mornings later, when the Professor returned their papers to
+them, their minds were washed almost as clear of Plato and Thales as
+were their bodies of yesterday’s dust. The dates and doctrines, hastily
+memorized to rattle off upon the great occasion, lay only upon the
+surface of their minds, and after use they quickly evaporated. To their
+pleasure and most genuine astonishment, the Professor paid them high
+compliments. Bertie’s discussion of the double personality had been
+the most intelligent which had come in from any of the class. The
+illustration of the intoxicated hack-driver who had fallen from his hack
+and inquired who it was that had fallen, and then had pitied himself,
+was, said the Professor, as original and perfect an illustration of our
+subjective-objectivity as he had met with in all his researches. And
+Billy’s suggestions concerning the inherency of time and space in
+the mind the Professor had also found very striking and independent,
+particularly his reasoning based upon the well-known distortions of time
+and space which hashish and other drugs produce in us. This was the sort
+of thing which the Professor had wanted from his students: free comment
+and discussions, the spirit of the course, rather than any strict
+adherence to the letter. He had constructed his questions to elicit
+as much individual discussion as possible and had been somewhat
+disappointed in his hopes.
+
+Yes, Bertie and Billy were astonished. But their astonishment did not
+equal that of Oscar, who had answered many of the questions in the
+Professor’s own language. Oscar received seventy-five per cent for this
+achievement--a good mark. But Billy’s mark was eighty-six and Bertie’s
+ninety. “There is some mistake,” said Oscar to them when they told him;
+and he hastened to the Professor with his tale. “There is no mistake,”
+ said the Professor. Oscar smiled with increased deference. “But,” he
+urged, “I assure you, sir, those young men knew absolutely nothing. I
+was their tutor, and they knew nothing at all. I taught them all their
+information myself.” “In that case,” replied the Professor, not pleased
+with Oscar’s tale-bearing, “you must have given them more than you could
+spare. Good morning.”
+
+Oscar never understood. But he graduated considerably higher than Bertie
+and Billy, who were not able to discover many other courses so favorable
+to “orriginal rresearch” as was Philosophy 4. That is twenty years ago,
+To-day Bertie is treasurer of the New Amsterdam Trust Company, in Wall
+Street; Billy is superintendent of passenger traffic of the New York
+and Chicago Air Line. Oscar is successful too. He has acquired a lot
+of information. His smile is unchanged. He has published a careful work
+entitled “The Minor Poets of Cinquecento,” and he writes book reviews
+for the Evening Post.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
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+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Philosophy 4
+       A Story of Harvard University
+
+Author: Owen Wister
+
+Release Date: August 2, 2008 [EBook #862]
+Last Updated: October 8, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHILOSOPHY 4 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Daniel P. B. Smith, and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h1>
+      PHILOSOPHY 4
+    </h1>
+    <h1>
+      A STORY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY
+    </h1>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      By Owen Wister
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      Contents
+    </h2>
+    <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto">
+      <tr>
+        <td>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> IV </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> V </a>
+          </p>
+        </td>
+      </tr>
+    </table>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      I
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Two frowning boys sat in their tennis flannels beneath the glare of lamp
+      and gas. Their leather belts were loosened, their soft pink shirts
+      unbuttoned at the collar. They were listening with gloomy voracity to the
+      instruction of a third. They sat at a table bared of its customary
+      sporting ornaments, and from time to time they questioned, sucked their
+      pencils, and scrawled vigorous, laconic notes. Their necks and faces shone
+      with the bloom of out-of-doors. Studious concentration was evidently a
+      painful novelty to their features. Drops of perspiration came one by one
+      from their matted hair, and their hands dampened the paper upon which they
+      wrote. The windows stood open wide to the May darkness, but nothing came
+      in save heat and insects; for spring, being behind time, was making up
+      with a sultry burst at the end, as a delayed train makes the last few
+      miles high above schedule speed. Thus it has been since eight o&rsquo;clock.
+      Eleven was daintily striking now. Its diminutive sonority might have
+      belonged to some church-bell far distant across the Cambridge silence; but
+      it was on a shelf in the room,&mdash;a timepiece of Gallic design,
+      representing Mephistopheles, who caressed the world in his lap. And as the
+      little strokes boomed, eight&mdash;nine&mdash;ten&mdash;eleven, the voice
+      of the instructor steadily continued thus:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By starting from the Absolute Intelligence, the chief cravings of the
+      reason, after unity and spirituality, receive due satisfaction. Something
+      transcending the Objective becomes possible. In the Cogito the relation of
+      subject and object is implied as the primary condition of all knowledge.
+      Now, Plato never&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Skip Plato,&rdquo; interrupted one of the boys. &ldquo;You gave us his points
+      yesterday.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yep,&rdquo; assented the other, rattling through the back pages of his notes.
+      &ldquo;Got Plato down cold somewhere,&mdash;oh, here. He never caught on to the
+      subjective, any more than the other Greek bucks. Go on to the next
+      chappie.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you gentlemen have mastered the&mdash;the Grreek bucks,&rdquo; observed the
+      instructor, with sleek intonation, &ldquo;we&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yep,&rdquo; said the second tennis boy, running a rapid judicial eye over his
+      back notes, &ldquo;you&rsquo;ve put us on to their curves enough. Go on.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The instructor turned a few pages forward in the thick book of his own
+      neat type-written notes and then resumed,&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The self-knowledge of matter in motion.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Skip it,&rdquo; put in the first tennis boy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We went to those lectures ourselves,&rdquo; explained the second, whirling
+      through another dishevelled notebook. &ldquo;Oh, yes. Hobbes and his gang. There
+      is only one substance, matter, but it doesn&rsquo;t strictly exist. Bodies
+      exist. We&rsquo;ve got Hobbes. Go on.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The instructor went forward a few pages more in his exhaustive volume. He
+      had attended all the lectures but three throughout the year, taking them
+      down in short-hand. Laryngitis had kept him from those three, to which
+      however, he had sent a stenographic friend so that the chain was unbroken.
+      He now took up the next philosopher on the list; but his smooth discourse
+      was, after a short while, rudely shaken. It was the second tennis boy
+      questioning severely the doctrines imparted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;So he says color is all your eye, and shape isn&rsquo;t? and substance isn&rsquo;t?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you mean he claims,&rdquo; said the first boy, equally resentful, &ldquo;that if
+      we were all extinguished the world would still be here, only there&rsquo;d be no
+      difference between blue and pink, for instance?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The reason is clear,&rdquo; responded the tutor, blandly. He adjusted his
+      eyeglasses, placed their elastic cord behind his ear, and referred to his
+      notes. &ldquo;It is human sight that distinguishes between colors. If human
+      sight be eliminated from the universe, nothing remains to make the
+      distinction, and consequently there will be none. Thus also is it with
+      sounds. If the universe contains no ear to hear the sound, the sound has
+      no existence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why?&rdquo; said both the tennis boys at once.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor smiled. &ldquo;Is it not clear,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;that there can be no sound
+      if it is not heard!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; they both returned, &ldquo;not in the least clear.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It&rsquo;s clear enough what he&rsquo;s driving at of course,&rdquo; pursued the first boy.
+      &ldquo;Until the waves of sound or light or what not hit us through our senses,
+      our brains don&rsquo;t experience the sensations of sound or light or what not,
+      and so, of course, we can&rsquo;t know about them&mdash;not until they reach
+      us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Precisely,&rdquo; said the tutor. He had a suave and slightly alien accent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, just tell me how that proves a thunder-storm in a desert island
+      makes no noise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If a thing is inaudible&mdash;&rdquo; began the tutor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s mere juggling!&rdquo; vociferated the boy, &ldquo;That&rsquo;s merely the same kind
+      of toy-shop brain-trick you gave us out of Greek philosophy yesterday.
+      They said there was no such thing as motion because at every instant of
+      time the moving body had to be somewhere, so how could it get anywhere
+      else? Good Lord! I can make up foolishness like that myself. For instance:
+      A moving body can never stop. Why? Why, because at every instant of time
+      it must be going at a certain rate, so how can it ever get slower? Pooh!&rdquo;
+       He stopped. He had been gesticulating with one hand, which he now jammed
+      wrathfully into his pocket.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor must have derived great pleasure from his own smile, for he
+      prolonged and deepened and variously modified it while his shiny little
+      calculating eyes travelled from one to the other of his ruddy scholars. He
+      coughed, consulted his notes, and went through all the paces of
+      superiority. &ldquo;I can find nothing about a body&rsquo;s being unable to stop,&rdquo;
+       said he, gently. &ldquo;If logic makes no appeal to you, gentlemen&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, bunch!&rdquo; exclaimed the second tennis boy, in the slang of his period,
+      which was the early eighties. &ldquo;Look here. Color has no existence outside
+      of our brain&mdash;that&rsquo;s the idea?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor bowed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And sound hasn&rsquo;t? and smell hasn&rsquo;t? and taste hasn&rsquo;t?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor had repeated his little bow after each.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And that&rsquo;s because they depend on our senses? Very well. But he claims
+      solidity and shape and distance do exist independently of us. If we all
+      died, they&rsquo;d he here just the same, though the others wouldn&rsquo;t. A flower
+      would go on growing, but it would stop smelling. Very well. Now you tell
+      me how we ascertain solidity. By the touch, don&rsquo;t we? Then, if there was
+      nobody to touch an object, what then? Seems to me touch is just as much of
+      a sense as your nose is.&rdquo; (He meant no personality, but the first boy
+      choked a giggle as the speaker hotly followed up his thought.) &ldquo;Seems to
+      me by his reasoning that in a desert island there&rsquo;d be nothing it all&mdash;smells
+      or shapes&mdash;not even an island. Seems to me that&rsquo;s what you call
+      logic.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor directed his smile at the open window. &ldquo;Berkeley&mdash;&rdquo; said
+      he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By Jove!&rdquo; said the other boy, not heeding him, &ldquo;and here&rsquo;s another point:
+      if color is entirely in my brain, why don&rsquo;t that ink-bottle and this shirt
+      look alike to me? They ought to. And why don&rsquo;t a Martini cocktail and a
+      cup of coffee taste the same to my tongue?&rdquo; &ldquo;Berkeley,&rdquo; attempted the
+      tutor, &ldquo;demonstrates&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you mean to say,&rdquo; the boy rushed on, &ldquo;that there is no eternal quality
+      in all these things which when it meets my perceptions compels me to see
+      differences?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor surveyed his notes. &ldquo;I can discover no such suggestions here as
+      you are pleased to make&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;But your orriginal researches,&rdquo; he
+      continued most obsequiously, &ldquo;recall our next subject,&mdash;Berkeley and
+      the Idealists.&rdquo; And he smoothed out his notes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s see,&rdquo; said the second boy, pondering; &ldquo;I went to two or three
+      lectures about that time. Berkeley&mdash;Berkeley. Didn&rsquo;t he&mdash;oh,
+      yes! he did. He went the whole hog. Nothing&rsquo;s anywhere except in your
+      ideas. You think the table&rsquo;s there, but it isn&rsquo;t. There isn&rsquo;t any table.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The first boy slapped his leg and lighted a cigarette. &ldquo;I remember,&rdquo; said
+      he. &ldquo;Amounts to this: If I were to stop thinking about you, you&rsquo;d
+      evaporate.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Which is balls,&rdquo; observed the second boy, judicially, again in the slang
+      of his period, &ldquo;and can be proved so. For you&rsquo;re not always thinking about
+      me, and I&rsquo;ve never evaporated once.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The first boy, after a slight wink at the second, addressed the tutor.
+      &ldquo;Supposing you were to happen to forget yourself,&rdquo; said he to that sleek
+      gentleman, &ldquo;would you evaporate?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor turned his little eyes doubtfully upon the tennis boys, but
+      answered, reciting the language of his notes: &ldquo;The idealistic theory does
+      not apply to the thinking ego, but to the world of external phenomena. The
+      world exists in our conception of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then,&rdquo; said the second boy, &ldquo;when a thing is inconceivable?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It has no existence,&rdquo; replied the tutor, complacently.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But a billion dollars is inconceivable,&rdquo; retorted the boy. &ldquo;No mind can
+      take in a sum of that size; but it exists.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Put that down! put that down!&rdquo; shrieked the other boy. &ldquo;You&rsquo;ve struck
+      something. If we get Berkeley on the paper, I&rsquo;ll run that in.&rdquo; He wrote
+      rapidly, and then took a turn around the room, frowning as he walked. &ldquo;The
+      actuality of a thing,&rdquo; said he, summing his clever thoughts up, &ldquo;is not
+      disproved by its being inconceivable. Ideas alone depend upon thought for
+      their existence. There! Anybody can get off stuff like that by the yard.&rdquo;
+       He picked up a cork and a foot-rule, tossed the cork, and sent it flying
+      out of the window with the foot-rule.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Skip Berkeley,&rdquo; said the other boy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How much more is there?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Necessary and accidental truths,&rdquo; answered the tutor, reading the
+      subjects from his notes. &ldquo;Hume and the causal law. The duality, or
+      multiplicity, of the ego.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The hard-boiled ego,&rdquo; commented the boy the ruler; and he batted a
+      swooping June-bug into space.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sit down, idiot,&rdquo; said his sprightly mate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Conversation ceased. Instruction went forward. Their pencils worked. The
+      causal law, etc., went into their condensed notes like Liebig&rsquo;s extract of
+      beef, and drops of perspiration continued to trickle from their matted
+      hair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      II
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Bertie and Billy were sophomores. They had been alive for twenty years,
+      and were young. Their tutor was also a sophomore. He too had been alive
+      for twenty years, but never yet had become young. Bertie and Billy had
+      colonial names (Rogers, I think, and Schuyler), but the tutor&rsquo;s name was
+      Oscar Maironi, and he was charging his pupils five dollars an hour each
+      for his instruction. Do not think this excessive. Oscar could have tutored
+      a whole class of irresponsibles, and by that arrangement have earned
+      probably more; but Bertie and Billy had preempted him on account of his
+      fame or high standing and accuracy, and they could well afford it. All
+      three sophomores alike had happened to choose Philosophy 4 as one of their
+      elective courses, and all alike were now face to face with the Day of
+      Judgment. The final examinations had begun. Oscar could lay his hand upon
+      his studious heart and await the Day of Judgment like&mdash;I had nearly
+      said a Christian! His notes were full: Three hundred pages about Zeno and
+      Parmenides and the rest, almost every word as it had come from the
+      professor&rsquo;s lips. And his memory was full, too, flowing like a player&rsquo;s
+      lines. With the right cue he could recite instantly: &ldquo;An important
+      application of this principle, with obvious reference to Heracleitos,
+      occurs in Aristotle, who says&mdash;&rdquo; He could do this with the notes
+      anywhere. I am sure you appreciate Oscar and his great power of acquiring
+      facts. So he was ready, like the wise virgins of parable. Bertie and Billy
+      did not put one in mind of virgins: although they had burned considerable
+      midnight oil, it had not been to throw light upon Philosophy 4. In them
+      the mere word Heracleitos had raised a chill no later than yesterday,&mdash;the
+      chill of the unknown. They had not attended the lectures on the &ldquo;Greek
+      bucks.&rdquo; Indeed, profiting by their privilege of voluntary recitations,
+      they had dropped in but seldom on Philosophy 4. These blithe grasshoppers
+      had danced and sung away the precious storing season, and now that the
+      bleak hour of examinations was upon them, their waked-up hearts had felt
+      aghast at the sudden vision of their ignorance. It was on a Monday noon
+      that this feeling came fully upon them, as they read over the names of the
+      philosophers. Thursday was the day of the examination. &ldquo;Who&rsquo;s Anaxagoras?&rdquo;
+       Billy had inquired of Bertie. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll tell you,&rdquo; said Bertie, &ldquo;if you&rsquo;ll
+      tell me who Epicharmos of Kos was.&rdquo; And upon this they embraced with
+      helpless laughter. Then they reckoned up the hours left for them to learn
+      Epicharmos of Kos in,&mdash;between Monday noon and Thursday morning at
+      nine,&mdash;and their quailing chill increased. A tutor must be called in
+      at once. So the grasshoppers, having money, sought out and quickly
+      purchased the ant.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Closeted with Oscar and his notes, they had, as Bertie put it, salted down
+      the early Greek bucks by seven on Monday evening. By the same midnight
+      they had, as Billy expressed it, called the turn on Plato. Tuesday was a
+      second day of concentrated swallowing. Oscar had taken them through the
+      thought of many centuries. There had been intermissions for lunch and
+      dinner only; and the weather was exceedingly hot. The pale-skinned Oscar
+      stood this strain better than the unaccustomed Bertie and Billy. Their
+      jovial eyes had grown hollow to-night, although their minds were going
+      gallantly, as you have probably noticed. Their criticisms, slangy and
+      abrupt, struck the scholastic Oscar as flippancies which he must indulge,
+      since the pay was handsome. That these idlers should jump in with doubts
+      and questions not contained in his sacred notes raised in him feelings
+      betrayed just once in that remark about &ldquo;orriginal rresearch.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Nine&mdash;ten&mdash;eleven&mdash;twelve,&rdquo; went the little timepiece; and
+      Oscar rose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen,&rdquo; he said, closing the sacred notes, &ldquo;we have finished the
+      causal law.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s the whole business except the ego racket, isn&rsquo;t it?&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The duality, or multiplicity of the ego remains,&rdquo; Oscar replied.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, I know its name. It ought to be a soft snap after what we&rsquo;ve had.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Unless it&rsquo;s full of dates and names you&rsquo;ve got to know,&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t believe it is,&rdquo; Billy answered. &ldquo;I heard him at it once.&rdquo; (This
+      meant that Billy had gone to a lecture lately.) &ldquo;It&rsquo;s all about Who am I?
+      and How do I do it?&rdquo; Billy added.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hm!&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;Hm! Subjective and objective again, I suppose, only
+      applied to oneself. You see, that table is objective. I can stand off and
+      judge it. It&rsquo;s outside of me; has nothing to do with me. That&rsquo;s easy. But
+      my opinion of&mdash;well, my&mdash;well, anything in my nature&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Anger when it&rsquo;s time to get up,&rdquo; suggested Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;An excellent illustration,&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;That is subjective in me.
+      Similar to your dislike of water as a beverage. That is subjective in you.
+      But here comes the twist. I can think of my own anger and judge it, just
+      as if it were an outside thing, like a table. I can compare it with itself
+      on different mornings or with other people&rsquo;s anger. And I trust that you
+      can do the same with your thirst.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said Billy; &ldquo;I recognize that it is greater at times and less at
+      others.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well, There you are. Duality of the ego.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Subject and object,&rdquo; said Billy. &ldquo;Perfectly true, and very queer when you
+      try to think of it. Wonder how far it goes? Of course, one can explain the
+      body&rsquo;s being an object to the brain inside it. That&rsquo;s mind and matter over
+      again. But when my own mind and thought, can become objects to themselves&mdash;I
+      wonder how far that does go?&rdquo; he broke off musingly. &ldquo;What useless stuff!&rdquo;
+       he ended.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen,&rdquo; said Oscar, who had been listening to them with patient,
+      Oriental diversion, &ldquo;I&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; said Bertie, remembering him. &ldquo;Look here. We mustn&rsquo;t keep you up.
+      We&rsquo;re awfully obliged for the way you are putting us on to this. You&rsquo;re
+      saving our lives. Ten to-morrow for a grand review of the whole course.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And the multiplicity of the ego?&rdquo; inquired Oscar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, I forgot. Well, it&rsquo;s too late tonight. Is it much? Are there many
+      dates and names and things?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is more of a general inquiry and analysis,&rdquo; replied Oscar. &ldquo;But it is
+      forty pages of my notes.&rdquo; And he smiled.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, look here. It would be nice to have to-morrow clear for review.
+      We&rsquo;re not tired. You leave us your notes and go to bed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Oscar&rsquo;s hand almost moved to cover and hold his precious property, for
+      this instinct was the deepest in him. But it did not so move, because his
+      intelligence controlled his instinct nearly, though not quite, always. His
+      shiny little eyes, however, became furtive and antagonistic&mdash;something
+      the boys did not at first make out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Oscar gave himself a moment of silence. &ldquo;I could not brreak my rule,&rdquo; said
+      he then. &ldquo;I do not ever leave my notes with anybody. Mr. Woodridge asked
+      for my History 3 notes, and Mr. Bailey wanted my notes for Fine Arts 1,
+      and I could not let them have them. If Mr. Woodridge was to hear&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But what in the dickens are you afraid of?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, gentlemen, I would rather not. You would take good care, I know,
+      but there are sometimes things which happen that we cannot help. One time
+      a fire&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this racial suggestion both boys made the room joyous with mirth. Oscar
+      stood uneasily contemplating them. He would never be able to understand
+      them, not as long as he lived, nor they him. When their mirth Was over he
+      did somewhat better, but it was tardy. You see, he was not a specimen of
+      the first rank, or he would have said at once what he said now: &ldquo;I wish to
+      study my notes a little myself, gentlemen.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go along, Oscar, with your inflammable notes, go along!&rdquo; said Bertie, in
+      supreme good-humor. &ldquo;And we&rsquo;ll meet to-morrow at ten&mdash;if there hasn&rsquo;t
+      been a fire&mdash;Better keep your notes in the bath, Oscar.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In as much haste as could be made with a good appearance, Oscar buckled
+      his volume in its leather cover, gathered his hat and pencil, and, bidding
+      his pupils a very good night, sped smoothly out of the room.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      III
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Oscar Maironi was very poor. His thin gray suit in summer resembled his
+      thick gray suit in winter. It does not seem that he had more than two; but
+      he had a black coat and waistcoat, and a narrow-brimmed, shiny hat to go
+      with these, and one pair of patent-leather shoes that laced, and whose
+      long soles curved upward at the toe like the rockers of a summer-hotel
+      chair. These holiday garments served him in all seasons; and when you saw
+      him dressed in them, and seated in a car bound for Park Square, you knew
+      he was going into Boston, where he would read manuscript essays on
+      Botticelli or Pico della Mirandola, or manuscript translations of Armenian
+      folksongs; read these to ecstatic, dim-eyed ladies in Newbury Street, who
+      would pour him cups of tea when it was over, and speak of his earnestness
+      after he was gone. It did not do the ladies any harm; but I am not sure
+      that it was the best thing for Oscar. It helped him feel every day, as he
+      stepped along to recitations with his elbow clamping his books against his
+      ribs and his heavy black curls bulging down from his gray slouch hat to
+      his collar, how meritorious he was compared with Bertie and Billy&mdash;with
+      all Berties and Billies. He may have been. Who shall say? But I will say
+      at once that chewing the cud of one&rsquo;s own virtue gives a sour stomach.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie&rsquo;s and Billy&rsquo;s parents owned town and country houses in New York.
+      The parents of Oscar had come over in the steerage. Money filled the
+      pockets of Bertie and Billy; therefore were their heads empty of money and
+      full of less cramping thoughts. Oscar had fallen upon the reverse of this
+      fate. Calculation was his second nature. He had given his education to
+      himself; he had for its sake toiled, traded, outwitted, and saved. He had
+      sent himself to college, where most of the hours not given to education
+      and more education, went to toiling and more toiling, that he might pay
+      his meagre way through the college world. He had a cheaper room and ate
+      cheaper meals than was necessary. He tutored, and he wrote college
+      specials for several newspapers. His chief relaxation was the praise of
+      the ladies in Newbury Street. These told him of the future which awaited
+      him, and when they gazed upon his features were put in mind of the dying
+      Keats. Not that Oscar was going to die in the least. Life burned strong in
+      him. There were sly times when he took what he had saved by his cheap
+      meals and room and went to Boston with it, and for a few hours thoroughly
+      ceased being ascetic. Yet Oscar felt meritorious when he considered Bertie
+      and Billy; for, like the socialists, merit with him meant not being able
+      to live as well as your neighbor. You will think that I have given to
+      Oscar what is familiarly termed a black eye. But I was once inclined to
+      applaud his struggle for knowledge, until I studied him close and
+      perceived that his love was not for the education he was getting. Bertie
+      and Billy loved play for play&rsquo;s own sake, and in play forgot themselves,
+      like the wholesome young creatures that they were. Oscar had one love
+      only: through all his days whatever he might forget, he would remember
+      himself; through all his days he would make knowledge show that self off.
+      Thank heaven, all the poor students in Harvard College were not Oscars! I
+      loved some of them as much as I loved Bertie and Billy. So there is no
+      black eye about it. Pity Oscar, if you like; but don&rsquo;t be so mushy as to
+      admire him as he stepped along in the night, holding his notes, full of
+      his knowledge, thinking of Bertie and Billy, conscious of virtue, and
+      smiling his smile. They were not conscious of any virtue, were Bertie and
+      Billy, nor were they smiling. They were solemnly eating up together a box
+      of handsome strawberries and sucking the juice from their reddened thumbs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Rather mean not to make him wait and have some of these after his hard
+      work on us,&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;I&rsquo;d forgotten about them&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He ran out before you could remember, anyway,&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Wasn&rsquo;t he absurd about his old notes? &ldquo;Bertie went on, a new strawberry
+      in his mouth. &ldquo;We don&rsquo;t need them, though. With to-morrow we&rsquo;ll get this
+      course down cold.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, to-morrow,&rdquo; sighed Billy. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s awful to think of another day of
+      this kind.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Horrible,&rdquo; assented Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He knows a lot. He&rsquo;s extraordinary,&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, he is. He can talk the actual words of the notes. Probably he could
+      teach the course himself. I don&rsquo;t suppose he buys any strawberries, even
+      when they get ripe and cheap here. What&rsquo;s the matter with you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy had broken suddenly into merriment. &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t believe Oscar owns a
+      bath,&rdquo; he explained.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By Jove! so his notes will burn in spite of everything!&rdquo; And both of the
+      tennis boys shrieked foolishly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Billy began taking his clothes off, strewing them in the window-seat,
+      or anywhere that they happened to drop; and Bertie, after hitting another
+      cork or two out of the window with the tennis racket, departed to his own
+      room on another floor and left Billy to immediate and deep slumber. This
+      was broken for a few moments when Billy&rsquo;s room-mate returned happy from an
+      excursion which had begun in the morning.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The room-mate sat on Billy&rsquo;s feet until that gentleman showed
+      consciousness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve done it, said the room-mate, then.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The hell you have!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You couldn&rsquo;t do it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The hell I couldn&rsquo;t!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Great dinner.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The hell it was!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+      dough-birds, rum omelette. Bet you five dollars you can&rsquo;t find it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Take you. Got to bed.&rdquo; And Billy fell again into deep, immediate slumber.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The room-mate went out into the sitting room, and noting the signs there
+      of the hard work which had gone on during his absence, was glad that he
+      did not take Philosophy 4. He was soon asleep also.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      IV
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Billy got up early. As he plunged into his cold bath he envied his
+      room-mate, who could remain at rest indefinitely, while his own hard lot
+      was hurrying him to prayers and breakfast and Oscar&rsquo;s inexorable notes. He
+      sighed once more as he looked at the beauty of the new morning and felt
+      its air upon his cheeks. He and Bertie belonged to the same club-table,
+      and they met there mournfully over the oatmeal. This very hour to-morrow
+      would see them eating their last before the examination in Philosophy 4.
+      And nothing pleasant was going to happen between,&mdash;nothing that they
+      could dwell upon with the slightest satisfaction. Nor had their sleep
+      entirely refreshed them. Their eyes were not quite right, and their hair,
+      though it was brushed, showed fatigue of the nerves in a certain
+      inclination to limpness and disorder.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+    &ldquo;Epicharmos of Kos
+    Was covered with moss,&rdquo;
+ </pre>
+    <p>
+      remarked Billy.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+    &ldquo;Thales and Zeno
+    Were duffers at keno,&rdquo;
+ </pre>
+    <p>
+      added Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the hours of trial they would often express their education thus.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Philosophers I have met,&rdquo; murmured Billy, with scorn And they ate
+      silently for some time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There&rsquo;s one thing that&rsquo;s valuable,&rdquo; said Bertie next. &ldquo;When they spring
+      those tricks on you about the flying arrow not moving, and all the rest,
+      and prove it all right by logic, you learn what pure logic amounts to when
+      it cuts loose from common sense. And Oscar thinks it&rsquo;s immense. We shocked
+      him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He&rsquo;s found the Bird-in-Hand!&rdquo; cried Billy, quite suddenly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oscar?&rdquo; said Bertie, with an equal shout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, John. John has. Came home last night and waked me up and told me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good for John,&rdquo; remarked Bertie, pensively.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, to the undergraduate mind of that day the Bird-in-Hand tavern was
+      what the golden fleece used to be to the Greeks,&mdash;a sort of shining,
+      remote, miraculous thing, difficult though not impossible to find, for
+      which expeditions were fitted out. It was reported to be somewhere in the
+      direction of Quincy, and in one respect it resembled a ghost: you never
+      saw a man who had seen it himself; it was always his cousin, or his elder
+      brother in &lsquo;79. But for the successful explorer a dinner and wines were
+      waiting at the Bird-in-Hand more delicious than anything outside of
+      Paradise. You will realize, therefore, what a thing it was to have a
+      room-mate who had attained. If Billy had not been so dog-tired last night,
+      he would have sat up and made John tell him everything from beginning to
+      end.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+      dough-birds, and rum omelette,&rdquo; he was now reciting to Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;They say the rum there is old Jamaica brought in slave-ships,&rdquo; said
+      Bertie, reverently.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve heard he has white port of 1820,&rdquo; said Billy; &ldquo;and claret and
+      champagne.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie looked out of the window. &ldquo;This is the finest day there&rsquo;s been,&rdquo;
+       said he. Then he looked at his watch. It was twenty-five minutes before
+      Oscar. Then he looked Billy hard in the eye. &ldquo;Have you any sand?&rdquo; he
+      inquired.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was a challenge to Billy&rsquo;s manhood. &ldquo;Sand!&rdquo; he yelled, sitting up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Both of them in an instant had left the table and bounded out of the
+      house. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll meet you at Pike&rsquo;s,&rdquo; said Billy to Bertie. &ldquo;Make him give us
+      the black gelding.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Might as well bring our notes along,&rdquo; Bertie called after his rushing
+      friend; &ldquo;and get John to tell you the road.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To see their haste, as the two fled in opposite directions upon their
+      errands, you would have supposed them under some crying call of
+      obligation, or else to be escaping from justice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Twenty minutes later they were seated behind the black gelding and bound
+      on their journey in search of the bird-in-Hand. Their notes in Philosophy
+      4 were stowed under the buggy-seat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did Oscar see you?&rdquo; Bertie inquired.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Not he,&rdquo; cried Billy, joyously.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oscar will wonder,&rdquo; said Bertie; and he gave the black gelding a
+      triumphant touch with the whip.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You see, it was Oscar that had made them run go; or, rather, it was Duty
+      and Fate walking in Oscar&rsquo;s displeasing likeness. Nothing easier, nothing
+      more reasonable, than to see the tutor and tell him they should not need
+      him to-day. But that would have spoiled everything. They did not know it,
+      but deep in their childlike hearts was a delicious sense that in thus
+      unaccountably disappearing they had won a great game, had got away ahead
+      of Duty and Fate. After all it did bear some resemblance to an escape from
+      justice. .
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Could he have known this, Oscar would have felt more superior than ever.
+      Punctually at the hour agreed, ten o&rsquo;clock he rapped at Billy&rsquo;s door and
+      stood waiting, his leather wallet of notes nipped safe between elbow and
+      ribs. Then he knocked again. Then he tried the door, and as it was open,
+      he walked deferentially into the sitting room. Sonorous snores came from
+      one of the bedrooms. Oscar peered in and saw John; but he saw no Billy in
+      the other bed. Then, always deferential, he sat down in the sitting room
+      and watched a couple of prettily striped coats hanging in a half-open
+      closet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At that moment the black gelding was flirtatiously crossing the drawbridge
+      over the Charles on the Allston Road. The gelding knew the clank of those
+      suspending chains and the slight unsteadiness of the meeting halves of the
+      bridge as well as it knew oats. But it could not enjoy its own entirely
+      premeditated surprise quite so much as Bertie and Billy were enjoying
+      their entirely unpremeditated flight from Oscar. The wind rippled on the
+      water; down at the boat-house Smith was helping some one embark in a
+      single scull; they saw the green meadows toward Brighton; their foreheads
+      felt cool and unvexed, and each new minute had the savor of fresh
+      forbidden fruit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How do we go?&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I forgot I had a bet with John until I had waked him,&rdquo; said Billy. &ldquo;He
+      bet me five last night I couldn&rsquo;t find it, and I took him. Of course,
+      after that I had no right to ask him anything, and he thought I was funny.
+      He said I couldn&rsquo;t find out if the landlady&rsquo;s hair was her own. I went him
+      another five on that.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How do you say we ought to go?&rdquo; said Bertie, presently.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Quincy, I&rsquo;m sure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      They were now crossing the Albany tracks at Allston. &ldquo;We&rsquo;re going to get
+      there,&rdquo; said Bertie; and he turned the black gelding toward Brookline and
+      Jamaica Plain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The enchanting day surrounded them. The suburban houses, even the suburban
+      street-cars, seemed part of one great universal plan of enjoyment.
+      Pleasantness so radiated from the boys&rsquo; faces and from their general
+      appearance of clean white flannel trousers and soft clean shirts of pink
+      and blue that a driver on a passing car leaned to look after them with a
+      smile and a butcher hailed them with loud brotherhood from his cart. They
+      turned a corner, and from a long way off came the sight of the tower of
+      Memorial Hall. Plain above all intervening tenements and foliage it rose.
+      Over there beneath its shadow were examinations and Oscar. It caught
+      Billy&rsquo;s roving eye, and he nudged Bertie, pointing silently to it. &ldquo;Ha,
+      ha!&rdquo; sang Bertie. And beneath his light whip the gelding sprang forward
+      into its stride.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The clocks of Massachusetts struck eleven. Oscar rose doubtfully from his
+      chair in Billy&rsquo;s study. Again he looked into Billy&rsquo;s bedroom and at the
+      empty bed. Then he went for a moment and watched the still forcibly
+      sleeping John. He turned his eyes this way and that, and after standing
+      for a while moved quietly back to his chair and sat down with the leather
+      wallet of notes on his lap, his knees together, and his unblocked shoes
+      touching. In due time the clocks of Massachusetts struck noon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In a meadow where a brown amber stream ran, lay Bertie and Billy on the
+      grass. Their summer coats were off, their belts loosened. They watched
+      with eyes half closed the long water-weeds moving gently as the current
+      waved and twined them. The black gelding, brought along a farm road and
+      through a gate, waited at its ease in the field beside a stone wall. Now
+      and then it stretched and cropped a young leaf from a vine that grew over
+      the wall, and now and then the want wind brought down the fruit blossoms
+      all over the meadow. They fell from the tree where Bertie and Billy lay,
+      and the boys brushed them from their faces. Not very far away was Blue
+      Hill, softly shining; and crows high up in the air came from it
+      occasionally across here.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By one o&rsquo;clock a change had come in Billy&rsquo;s room. Oscar during that hour
+      had opened his satchel of philosophy upon his lap and read his notes
+      attentively. Being almost word perfect in many parts of them, he now spent
+      his unexpected leisure in acquiring accurately the language of still
+      further paragraphs. &ldquo;The sharp line of demarcation which Descartes drew
+      between consciousness and the material world,&rdquo; whispered Oscar with
+      satisfaction, and knew that if Descartes were on the examination paper he
+      could start with this and go on for nearly twenty lines before he would
+      have to use any words of his own. As he memorized, the chambermaid, who
+      had come to do the bedrooms three times already and had gone away again,
+      now returned and no longer restrained her indignation. &ldquo;Get up Mr. Blake!&rdquo;
+       she vociferated to the sleeping John; &ldquo;you ought to be ashamed!&rdquo; And she
+      shook the bedstead. Thus John had come to rise and discover Oscar. The
+      patient tutor explained himself as John listened in his pyjamas.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why, I&rsquo;m sorry,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;but I don&rsquo;t believe they&rsquo;ll get back very
+      soon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;They have gone away?&rdquo; asked Oscar, sharply.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah&mdash;yes,&rdquo; returned the reticent John. &ldquo;An unexpected matter of
+      importance.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But, my dear sir, those gentlemen know nothing! Philosophy 4 is tomorrow,
+      and they know nothing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;They&rsquo;ll have to stand it, then,&rdquo; said John, with a grin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And my time. I am waiting here. I am engaged to teach them. I have been
+      waiting here since ten. They engaged me all day and this evening.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t believe there&rsquo;s the slightest use in your waiting now, you know.
+      They&rsquo;ll probably let you know when they come back.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Probably! But they have engaged my time. The girl knows I was here ready
+      at ten. I call you to witness that you found me waiting, ready at any
+      time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      John in his pyjamas stared at Oscar. &ldquo;Why, of course they&rsquo;ll pay you the
+      whole thing,&rdquo; said he, coldly; &ldquo;stay here if you prefer.&rdquo; And he went into
+      the bathroom and closed the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The tutor stood awhile, holding his notes and turning his little eyes this
+      way and that. His young days had been dedicated to getting the better of
+      his neighbor, because otherwise his neighbor would get the better of him.
+      Oscar had never suspected the existence of boys like John and Bertie and
+      Billy. He stood holding his notes, and then, buckling them up once more,
+      he left the room with evidently reluctant steps. It was at this time that
+      the clocks struck one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In their field among the soft new grass sat Bertie and Billy some ten
+      yards apart, each with his back against an apple tree. Each had his notes
+      and took his turn at questioning the other. Thus the names of the Greek
+      philosophers with their dates and doctrines were shouted gayly in the
+      meadow. The foreheads of the boys were damp to-day, as they had been last
+      night, and their shirts were opened to the air; but it was the sun that
+      made them hot now, and no lamp or gas; and already they looked twice as
+      alive as they had looked at breakfast. There they sat, while their
+      memories gripped the summarized list of facts essential, facts to be known
+      accurately; the simple, solid, raw facts, which, should they happen to
+      come on the examination paper, no skill could evade nor any imagination
+      supply. But this study was no longer dry and dreadful to them: they had
+      turned it to a sporting event. &ldquo;What about Heracleitos?&rdquo; Billy as
+      catechist would put at Bertie. &ldquo;Eternal flux,&rdquo; Bertie would correctly snap
+      back at Billy. Or, if he got it mixed up, and replied, &ldquo;Everything is
+      water,&rdquo; which was the doctrine of another Greek, then Billy would credit
+      himself with twenty-five cents on a piece of paper. Each ran a memorandum
+      of this kind; and you can readily see how spirited a character metaphysics
+      would assume under such conditions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;m going in,&rdquo; said Bertie, suddenly, as Billy was crediting himself with
+      a fifty-cent gain. &ldquo;What&rsquo;s your score?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Two seventy-five, counting your break on Parmenides. It&rsquo;ll be cold.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, it won&rsquo;t. Well, I&rsquo;m only a quarter behind you.&rdquo; And Bertie puffed off
+      his shoes. Soon he splashed into the stream where the bend made a hole of
+      some depth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cold?&rdquo; inquired Billy on the bank. Bertie closed his eyes dreamily.
+      &ldquo;Delicious,&rdquo; said he, and sank luxuriously beneath the surface with slow
+      strokes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy had his clothes off in a moment, and, taking the plunge, screamed
+      loudly &ldquo;You liar!&rdquo; he yelled, as he came up. And he made for Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Delight rendered Bertie weak and helpless; he was caught and ducked; and
+      after some vigorous wrestling both came out of the icy water.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now we&rsquo;ve got no towels, you fool,&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Use your notes,&rdquo; said Bertie, and he rolled in the grass. Then they
+      chased each other round the apple trees, and the black gelding watched
+      them by the wall, its ears well forward.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      While they were dressing they discovered it was half-past one, and became
+      instantly famished. &ldquo;We should have brought lunch along,&rdquo; they told each
+      other. But they forgot that no such thing as lunch could have induced them
+      to delay their escape from Cambridge for a moment this morning. &ldquo;What do
+      you suppose Oscar is doing now?&rdquo; Billy inquired of Bertie, as they led the
+      black gelding back to the road; and Bertie laughed like an infant.
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen,&rdquo; said he, in Oscar&rsquo;s manner, &ldquo;we now approach the multiplicity
+      of the ego.&rdquo; The black gelding must have thought it had humorists to deal
+      with this day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Oscar, as a matter of fact, was eating his cheap lunch away over in
+      Cambridge. There was cold mutton, and boiled potatoes with hard brown
+      spots in them, and large picked cucumbers; and the salt was damp and would
+      not shake out through the holes in the top of the bottle. But Oscar ate
+      two helps of everything with a good appetite, and between whiles looked at
+      his notes, which lay open beside him on the table. At the stroke of two he
+      was again knocking at his pupils&rsquo; door. But no answer came. John had gone
+      away somewhere for indefinite hours and the door was locked. So Oscar
+      wrote: &ldquo;Called, two p.m.,&rdquo; on a scrap of envelope, signed his name, and
+      put it through the letter-slit. It crossed his mind to hunt other pupils
+      for his vacant time, but he decided against this at once, and returned to
+      his own room. Three o&rsquo;clock found him back at the door, knocking
+      scrupulously, The idea of performing his side of the contract, of
+      tendering his goods and standing ready at all times to deliver them, was
+      in his commercially mature mind. This time he had brought a neat piece of
+      paper with him, and wrote upon it, &ldquo;Called, three P.M.,&rdquo; and signed it as
+      before, and departed to his room with a sense of fulfilled obligations.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie and Billy had lunched at Mattapan quite happily on cold ham, cold
+      pie, and doughnuts. Mattapan, not being accustomed to such lilies of the
+      field, stared at their clothes and general glory, but observed that they
+      could eat the native bill-of-fare as well as anybody. They found some
+      good, cool beer, moreover, and spoke to several people of the
+      Bird-in-Hand, and got several answers: for instance, that the Bird-in-Hand
+      was at Hingham; that it was at Nantasket; that they had better inquire for
+      it at South Braintree; that they had passed it a mile back; and that there
+      was no such place. If you would gauge the intelligence of our population,
+      inquire your way in a rural neighborhood. With these directions they took
+      up their journey after an hour and a half,&mdash;a halt made chiefly for
+      the benefit of the black gelding, whom they looked after as much as they
+      did themselves. For a while they discussed club matters seriously, as both
+      of them were officers of certain organizations, chosen so on account of
+      their recognized executive gifts. These questions settled, they resumed
+      the lighter theme of philosophy, and made it (as Billy observed) a near
+      thing for the Causal law. But as they drove along, their minds left this
+      topic on the abrupt discovery that the sun was getting down out of the
+      sky, and they asked each other where they were and what they should do.
+      They pulled up at some cross-roads and debated this with growing
+      uneasiness. Behind them lay the way to Cambridge,&mdash;not very clear, to
+      be sure; but you could always go where you had come from, Billy seemed to
+      think. He asked, &ldquo;How about Cambridge and a little Oscar to finish off
+      with?&rdquo; Bertie frowned. This would be failure. Was Billy willing to go back
+      and face John the successful?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It would only cost me five dollars,&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ten,&rdquo; Bertie corrected. He recalled to Billy the matter about the
+      landlady&rsquo;s hair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By Jove, that&rsquo;s so!&rdquo; cried Billy, brightening. It seemed conclusive. But
+      he grew cloudy again the next moment. He was of opinion that one could go
+      too far in a thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Where&rsquo;s your sand?&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy made an unseemly rejoinder, but even in the making was visited by
+      inspiration. He saw the whole thing as it really was. &ldquo;By Jove!&rdquo; said he,
+      &ldquo;we couldn&rsquo;t get back in time for dinner.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There&rsquo;s my bonny boy!&rdquo; said Bertie, with pride; and he touched up the
+      black gelding. Uneasiness had left both of them. Cambridge was manifestly
+      impossible; an error in judgment; food compelled them to seek the
+      Bird-in-Hand. &ldquo;We&rsquo;ll try Quincy, anyhow,&rdquo; Bertie said. Billy suggested
+      that they inquire of people on the road. This provided a new sporting
+      event: they could bet upon the answers. Now, the roads, not populous at
+      noon, had grown solitary in the sweetness of the long twilight. Voices of
+      birds there were; and little, black, quick brooks, full to the margin
+      grass, shot under the roadway through low bridges. Through the web of
+      young foliage the sky shone saffron, and frogs piped in the meadow swamps.
+      No cart or carriage appeared, however, and the bets languished. Bertie,
+      driving with one hand, was buttoning his coat with the other, when the
+      black gelding leaped from the middle of the road to the turf and took to
+      backing. The buggy reeled; but the driver was skilful, and fifteen seconds
+      of whip and presence of mind brought it out smoothly. Then the cause of
+      all this spoke to them from a gate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come as near spillin&rsquo; as you boys wanted, I guess,&rdquo; remarked the cause.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They looked, and saw him in huge white shirt-sleeves, shaking with
+      joviality. &ldquo;If you kep&rsquo; at it long enough you might a-most learn to drive
+      a horse,&rdquo; he continued, eying Bertie. This came as near direct praise as
+      the true son of our soil&mdash;Northern or Southern&mdash;often thinks
+      well of. Bertie was pleased, but made a modest observation, and &ldquo;Are we
+      near the tavern?&rdquo; he asked. &ldquo;Bird-in-Hand!&rdquo; the son of the soil echoed;
+      and he contemplated them from his gate. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s me,&rdquo; he stated, with
+      complacence. &ldquo;Bill Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand has been me since April,
+      &lsquo;65.&rdquo; His massy hair had been yellow, his broad body must have weighed two
+      hundred and fifty pounds, his face was canny, red, and somewhat clerical,
+      resembling Henry Ward Beecher&rsquo;s.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Trout,&rdquo; he said, pointing to a basket by the gate. &ldquo;For your dinner.
+      &ldquo;Then he climbed heavily but skilfully down and picked up the basket and a
+      rod. &ldquo;Folks round here say,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;that there ain&rsquo;t no more trout up
+      them meadows. They&rsquo;ve been a-sayin&rsquo; that since &lsquo;74; and I&rsquo;ve been a-sayin&rsquo; 
+      it myself, when judicious.&rdquo; Here he shook slightly and opened the basket.
+      &ldquo;Twelve,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;Sixteen yesterday. Now you go along and turn in the
+      first right-hand turn, and I&rsquo;ll be up with you soon. Maybe you might make
+      room for the trout.&rdquo; Room for him as well, they assured him; they were in
+      luck to find him, they explained. &ldquo;Well, I guess I&rsquo;ll trust my neck with
+      you,&rdquo; he said to Bertie, the skillful driver; &ldquo;&lsquo;tain&rsquo;t five minutes&rsquo; 
+      risk.&rdquo; The buggy leaned, and its springs bent as he climbed in, wedging
+      his mature bulk between their slim shapes. The gelding looked round the
+      shaft at them. &ldquo;Protestin&rsquo;, are you?&rdquo; he said to it. &ldquo;These light-weight
+      stoodents spile you!&rdquo; So the gelding went on, expressing, however, by
+      every line of its body, a sense of outraged justice. The boys related
+      their difficult search, and learned that any mention of the name of Diggs
+      would have brought them straight. &ldquo;Bill Higgs of the Bird-in-Hand was my
+      father, and my grandf&rsquo;ther, and his father; and has been me sence I come
+      back from the war and took the business in &lsquo;65. I&rsquo;m not commonly to be met
+      out this late. About fifteen minutes earlier is my time for gettin&rsquo; back,
+      unless I&rsquo;m plannin&rsquo; for a jamboree. But to-night I got to settin&rsquo; and
+      watchin&rsquo; that sunset, and listenin&rsquo; to a darned red-winged blackbird, and
+      I guess Mrs. Higgs has decided to expect me somewheres about noon
+      to-morrow or Friday. Say, did Johnnie send you? &ldquo;When he found that John
+      had in a measure been responsible for their journey, he filled with
+      gayety. &ldquo;Oh, Johnnie&rsquo;s a bird!&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;He&rsquo;s that demure on first
+      appearance. Walked in last evening and wanted dinner. Did he tell you what
+      he ate? Guess he left out what he drank. Yes, he&rsquo;s demure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      You might suppose that upon their landlord&rsquo;s safe and sober return fifteen
+      minutes late, instead of on the expected noon of Thursday or Friday, their
+      landlady would show signs of pleasure; but Mrs. Diggs from the porch threw
+      an uncordial eye at the three arriving in the buggy. Here were two more
+      like Johnnie of last night. She knew them by the clothes they wore and by
+      the confidential tones of her husband&rsquo;s voice as he chatted to them. He
+      had been old enough to know better for twenty years. But for twenty years
+      he had taken the same extreme joy in the company of Johnnies, and they
+      were bad for his health. Her final proof that they belonged to this hated
+      breed was when Mr. Diggs thumped the trout down on the porch, and after
+      briefly remarking, &ldquo;Half of &lsquo;em boiled, and half broiled with bacon,&rdquo;
+       himself led away the gelding to the stable instead of intrusting it to his
+      man Silas.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You may set in the parlor,&rdquo; said Mrs. Diggs, and departed stiffly with
+      the basket of trout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It&rsquo;s false,&rdquo; said Billy, at once.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie did not grasp his thought.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Her hair,&rdquo; said Billy. And certainly it was an unusual-looking
+      arrangement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Presently, as they sat near a parlor organ in the presence of earnest
+      family portraits, Bertie made a new poem for Billy,&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     &ldquo;Said Aristotle unto Plato,
+    &lsquo;Have another sweet potato? &lsquo;&rdquo;
+ </pre>
+    <p>
+      And Billy responded,&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+    &ldquo;Said Plato unto Aristotle,
+    &lsquo;Thank you, I prefer the bottle.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+ </pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In here, are you?&rdquo; said their beaming host at the door. &ldquo;Now, I think
+      you&rsquo;d find my department of the premises cosier, so to speak.&rdquo; He nudged
+      Bertie. &ldquo;Do you boys guess it&rsquo;s too early in the season for a
+      silver-fizz?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      We must not wholly forget Oscar in Cambridge. During the afternoon he had
+      not failed in his punctuality; two more neat witnesses to this lay on the
+      door-mat beneath the letter-slit of Billy&rsquo;s room, And at the appointed
+      hour after dinner a third joined them, making five. John found these cards
+      when he came home to go to bed, and picked them up and stuck them
+      ornamentally in Billy&rsquo;s looking-glass, as a greeting when Billy should
+      return, The eight o&rsquo;clock visit was the last that Oscar paid to the locked
+      door, He remained through the evening in his own room, studious,
+      contented, unventilated, indulging in his thick notes, and also in the
+      thought of Billy&rsquo;s and Bertie&rsquo;s eleventh-hour scholarship, &ldquo;Even with
+      another day,&rdquo; he told himself, &ldquo;those young men could not have got fifty
+      per cent,&rdquo; In those times this was the passing mark. To-day I believe you
+      get an A, or a B, or some other letter denoting your rank. In due time
+      Oscar turned out his gas and got into his bed; and the clocks of
+      Massachusetts struck midnight.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mrs. Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had retired at eleven, furious with rage,
+      but firm in dignity in spite of a sudden misadventure. Her hair, being the
+      subject of a sporting event, had remained steadily fixed in Billy&rsquo;s mind,&mdash;steadily
+      fixed throughout an entertainment which began at an early hour to assume
+      the features of a celebration. One silver-fizz before dinner is nothing;
+      but dinner did not come at once, and the boys were thirsty. The hair of
+      Mrs. Diggs had caught Billy&rsquo;s eye again immediately upon her entrance to
+      inform them that the meal was ready; and whenever she reentered with a new
+      course from the kitchen, Billy&rsquo;s eye wandered back to it, although Mr.
+      Diggs had become full of anecdotes about the Civil War. It was partly
+      Grecian: a knot stood out behind to a considerable distance. But this was
+      not the whole plan. From front to back ran a parting, clear and severe,
+      and curls fell from this to the temples in a manner called, I believe, by
+      the enlightened, a l&rsquo;Anne d&rsquo;Autriche. The color was gray, to be sure; but
+      this propriety did not save the structure from Billy&rsquo;s increasing
+      observation. As bottles came to stand on the table in greater numbers, the
+      closer and the more solemnly did Billy continue to follow the movements of
+      Mrs. Diggs. They would without doubt have noticed him and his foreboding
+      gravity but for Mr. Diggs&rsquo;s experiences in the Civil War.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The repast was finished&mdash;so far as eating went. Mrs. Diggs with
+      changeless dudgeon was removing and washing the dishes. At the revellers&rsquo; 
+      elbows stood the 1820 port in its fine, fat, old, dingy bottle, going
+      pretty fast. Mr. Diggs was nearing the end of Antietam. &ldquo;That morning of
+      the 18th, while McClellan was holdin&rsquo; us squattin&rsquo; and cussin&rsquo;,&rdquo; he was
+      saying to Bertie, when some sort of shuffling sound in the corner caught
+      their attention. We can never know how it happened. Billy ought to know,
+      but does not, and Mrs. Diggs allowed no subsequent reference to the
+      casualty. But there she stood with her entire hair at right angles. The
+      Grecian knot extended above her left ear, and her nose stuck through one
+      set of Anne d&rsquo;Autriche. Beside her Billy stood, solemn as a stone, yet
+      with a sort of relief glazed upon his face.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mr. Diggs sat straight up at the vision of his spouse. &ldquo;Flouncing
+      Florence!&rdquo; was his exclamation. &ldquo;Gee-whittaker, Mary, if you ain&rsquo;t the
+      most unmitigated sight!&rdquo; And wind then left him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mary&rsquo;s reply arrived in tones like a hornet stinging slowly and often.
+      &ldquo;Mr. Diggs, I have put up with many things, and am expecting to put up
+      with many more. But you&rsquo;d behave better if you consorted with gentlemen.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The door slammed and she was gone. Not a word to either of the boys, not
+      even any notice of them. It was thorough, and silence consequently held
+      them for a moment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He didn&rsquo;t mean anything,&rdquo; said Bertie, growing partially responsible.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Didn&rsquo;t mean anything,&rdquo; repeated Billy, like a lesson.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll take him and he&rsquo;ll apologize,&rdquo; Bertie pursued, walking over to
+      Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He&rsquo;ll apologize,&rdquo; went Billy, like a cheerful piece of mechanism.
+      Responsibility was still quite distant from him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Mr. Diggs got his wind back. &ldquo;Better not,&rdquo; he advised in something near a
+      whisper. &ldquo;Better not go after her. Her father was a fightin&rsquo; preacher, and
+      she&rsquo;s&mdash;well, begosh! she&rsquo;s a chip of the old pulpit.&rdquo; And he rolled
+      his eye towards the door. Another door slammed somewhere above, and they
+      gazed at each other, did Bertie and Mr. Diggs. Then Mr. Diggs, still
+      gazing at Bertie, beckoned to him with a speaking eye and a crooked
+      finger; and as he beckoned, Bertie approached like a conspirator and sat
+      down close to him. &ldquo;Begosh!&rdquo; whispered Mr. Diggs. &ldquo;Unmitigated.&rdquo; And at
+      this he and Bertie laid their heads down on the table and rolled about in
+      spasms.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy from his corner seemed to become aware of them. With his eye fixed
+      upon them like a statue, he came across the room, and, sitting down near
+      them with formal politeness, observed, &ldquo;Was you ever to the battle of
+      Antietam?&rdquo; This sent them beyond the limit; and they rocked their heads on
+      the table and wept as if they would expire.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus the three remained, during what space of time is not known: the two
+      upon the table, convalescent with relapses, and Billy like a seated idol,
+      unrelaxed at his vigil. The party was seen through the windows by Silas,
+      coming from the stable to inquire if the gelding should not be harnessed.
+      Silas leaned his face to the pane, and envy spoke plainly in it. &ldquo;O my! O
+      my!&rdquo; he mentioned aloud to himself. So we have the whole household: Mrs.
+      Diggs reposing scornfully in an upper chamber; all parts of the tavern
+      darkened, save the one lighted room; the three inside that among their
+      bottles, with the one outside looking covetously in at them; and the
+      gelding stamping in the stable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But Silas, since he could not share, was presently of opinion that this
+      was enough for one sitting, and he tramped heavily upon the porch. This
+      brought Bertie back to the world of reality, and word was given to fetch
+      the gelding. The host was in no mood to part with them, and spoke of
+      comfortable beds and breakfast as early as they liked; but Bertie had
+      become entirely responsible. Billy was helped in, Silas was liberally
+      thanked, and they drove away beneath the stars, leaving behind them golden
+      opinions, and a host who decided not to disturb his helpmate by retiring
+      to rest in their conjugal bed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie had forgotten, but the playful gelding had not. When they came
+      abreast of that gate where Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had met them at
+      sunset, Bertie was only aware that a number of things had happened at
+      once, and that he had stopped the horse after about twenty yards of
+      battle. Pride filled him, but emptied away in the same instant, for a
+      voice on the road behind him spoke inquiringly through the darkness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did any one fall out?&rdquo; said the voice. &ldquo;Who fell out?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Billy!&rdquo; shrieked Bertie, cold all over. &ldquo;Billy, are you hurt?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did Billy fall out?&rdquo; said the voice, with plaintive cadence. &ldquo;Poor
+      Billy!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He can&rsquo;t be,&rdquo; muttered Bertie. &ldquo;Are you?&rdquo; he loudly repeated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There was no answer: but steps came along the road as Bertie checked and
+      pacified the gelding. Then Billy appeared by the wheel. &ldquo;Poor Billy fell
+      out,&rdquo; he said mildly. He held something up, which Bertie took. It had been
+      Billy&rsquo;s straw hat, now a brimless fabric of ruin. Except for smirches and
+      one inexpressible rent which dawn revealed to Bertie a little later, there
+      were no further injuries, and Billy got in and took his seat quite
+      competently.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie drove the gelding with a firm hand after this. They passed through
+      the cool of the unseen meadow swamps, and heard the sound of the hollow
+      bridges as they crossed them, and now and then the gulp of some pouring
+      brook. They went by the few lights of Mattapan, seeing from some points on
+      their way the beacons of the harbor, and again the curving line of lamps
+      that drew the outline of some village built upon a hill. Dawn showed them
+      Jamaica Pond, smooth and breezeless, and encircled with green skeins of
+      foliage, delicate and new. Here multitudinous birds were chirping their
+      tiny, overwhelming chorus. When at length, across the flat suburban
+      spaces, they again sighted Memorial tower, small in the distance, the sun
+      was lighting it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Confronted by this, thoughts of hitherto banished care, and of the morrow
+      that was now to-day, and of Philosophy 4 coming in a very few hours, might
+      naturally have arisen and darkened the end of their pleasant excursion.
+      Not so, however. Memorial tower suggested another line of argument. It was
+      Billy who spoke, as his eyes first rested upon that eminent pinnacle of
+      Academe.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, John owes me five dollars.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ten, you mean.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ten? How?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why, her hair. And it was easily worth twenty.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy turned his head and looked suspiciously at Bertie. &ldquo;What did I do?&rdquo;
+       he asked.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do! Don&rsquo;t you know?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy in all truth did not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Phew!&rdquo; went Bertie. &ldquo;Well, I don&rsquo;t, either. Didn&rsquo;t see it. Saw the
+      consequences, though. Don&rsquo;t you remember being ready to apologize? What do
+      you remember, anyhow?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy consulted his recollections with care: they seemed to break off at
+      the champagne. That was early. Bertie was astonished. Did not Billy
+      remember singing &ldquo;Brace up and dress the Countess,&rdquo; and &ldquo;A noble lord the
+      Earl of Leicester&rdquo;? He had sung them quite in his usual manner, conversing
+      freely between whiles. In fact, to see and hear him, no one would have
+      suspected&mdash;&ldquo;It must have been that extra silver-fizz you took before
+      dinner,&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said Billy; &ldquo;that&rsquo;s what it must have been.&rdquo;
+       Bertie supplied the gap in his memory,&mdash;a matter of several hours, it
+      seemed. During most of this time Billy had met the demands of each moment
+      quite like his usual agreeable self&mdash;a sleep-walking state. It was
+      only when the hair incident was reached that his conduct had noticeably
+      crossed the line. He listened to all this with interest intense.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;John does owe me ten, I think,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I say so,&rdquo; declared Bertie. &ldquo;When do you begin to remember again?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;After I got in again at the gate. Why did I get out?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You fell out, man.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy was incredulous.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You did. You tore your clothes wide open.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Billy, looking at his trousers, did not see it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Rise, and I&rsquo;ll show you,&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Goodness gracious!&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus discoursing, they reached Harvard Square. Not your Harvard Square,
+      gentle reader, that place populous with careless youths and careful
+      maidens and reticent persons with books, but one of sleeping windows and
+      clear, cool air and few sounds; a Harvard Square of emptiness and
+      conspicuous sparrows and milk wagons and early street-car conductors in
+      long coats going to their breakfast; and over all this the sweetness of
+      the arching elms.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As the gelding turned down toward Pike&rsquo;s, the thin old church clock
+      struck. &ldquo;Always sounds,&rdquo; said Billy, &ldquo;like cambric tea.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cambridge tea,&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Walk close behind me,&rdquo; said Billy, as they came away from the livery
+      stable. &ldquo;Then they won&rsquo;t see the hole.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertie did so; but the hole was seen by the street-car conductors and the
+      milkmen, and these sympathetic hearts smiled at the sight of the marching
+      boys, and loved them without knowing any more of them than this. They
+      reached their building and separated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      V
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      One hour later they met. Shaving and a cold bath and summer flannels, not
+      only clean but beautiful, invested them with the radiant innocence of
+      flowers. It was still too early for their regular breakfast, and they sat
+      down to eggs and coffee at the Holly Tree.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I waked John up,&rdquo; said Billy. &ldquo;He is satisfied.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s have another order,&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;These eggs are delicious.&rdquo; Each
+      of them accordingly ate four eggs and drank two cups of coffee.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oscar called five times,&rdquo; said Billy; and he threw down those cards which
+      Oscar had so neatly written.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There&rsquo;s multiplicity of the ego for you!&rdquo; said Bertie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, inspiration is a strange thing, and less obedient even than love to
+      the will of man. It will decline to come when you prepare for it with the
+      loftiest intentions, and, lo! at an accidental word it will suddenly fill
+      you, as at this moment it filled Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By gum!&rdquo; said he, laying his fork down. &ldquo;Multiplicity of the ego. Look
+      here. I fall out of a buggy and ask&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By gum!&rdquo; said Bertie, now also visited by inspiration.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t you see?&rdquo; said Billy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I see a whole lot more,&rdquo; said Bertie, with excitement. &ldquo;I had to tell you
+      about your singing.&rdquo; And the two burst into a flare of talk. To hear such
+      words as cognition, attention, retention, entity, and identity, freely
+      mingled with such other words as silver-fizz and false hair, brought John,
+      the egg-and-coffee man, as near surprise as his impregnable nature
+      permitted. Thus they finished their large breakfast, and hastened to their
+      notes for a last good bout at memorizing Epicharmos of Kos and his various
+      brethren. The appointed hour found them crossing the college yard toward a
+      door inside which Philosophy 4 awaited them: three hours of written
+      examination! But they looked more roseate and healthy than most of the
+      anxious band whose steps were converging to that same gate of judgment.
+      Oscar, meeting them on the way, gave them his deferential &ldquo;Good morning,&rdquo;
+       and trusted that the gentlemen felt easy. Quite so, they told him, and
+      bade him feel easy about his pay, for which they were, of course,
+      responsible. Oscar wished them good luck and watched them go to their
+      desks with his little eyes, smiling in his particular manner. Then he
+      dismissed them from his mind, and sat with a faint remnant of his smile,
+      fluently writing his perfectly accurate answer to the first question upon
+      the examination paper.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Here is that paper. You will not be able to answer all the questions,
+      probably, but you may be glad to know what such things are like.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         PHILOSOPHY 4
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      1. Thales, Zeno, Parmenides, Heracleitos, Anaxagoras. State briefly the
+      doctrine of each.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      2. Phenomenon, noumenon. Discuss these terms. Name their modern
+      descendants.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      3. Thought=Being. Assuming this, state the difference, if any, between (1)
+      memory and anticipation; (2) sleep and waking.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      4. Democritus, Pythagoras, Bacon. State the relation between them. In what
+      terms must the objective world ultimately be stated? Why?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      5. Experience is the result of time and space being included in the nature
+      of mind. Discuss this.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      6. Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensibus. Whose
+      doctrine? Discuss it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      7. What is the inherent limitation in all ancient philosophy? Who first
+      removed it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      8. Mind is expressed through what? Matter through what? Is speech the
+      result or the cause of thought?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      9. Discuss the nature of the ego.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      10. According to Plato, Locke, Berkeley, where would the sweetness of a
+      honeycomb reside? Where would its shape? its weight? Where do you think
+      these properties reside?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ten questions, and no Epicharmos of Kos. But no examination paper asks
+      everything, and this one did ask a good deal. Bertie and Billy wrote the
+      full time allotted, and found that they could have filled an hour more
+      without coming to the end of their thoughts. Comparing notes at lunch,
+      their information was discovered to have been lacking here and there.
+      Nevertheless, it was no failure; their inner convictions were sure of
+      fifty per cent at least, and this was all they asked of the gods. &ldquo;I was
+      ripping about the ego,&rdquo; said Bertie. &ldquo;I was rather splendid myself,&rdquo; said
+      Billy, &ldquo;when I got going. And I gave him a huge steer about memory.&rdquo; After
+      lunch both retired to their beds and fell into sweet oblivion until seven
+      o&rsquo;clock, when they rose and dined, and after playing a little poker went
+      to bed again pretty early.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Some six mornings later, when the Professor returned their papers to them,
+      their minds were washed almost as clear of Plato and Thales as were their
+      bodies of yesterday&rsquo;s dust. The dates and doctrines, hastily memorized to
+      rattle off upon the great occasion, lay only upon the surface of their
+      minds, and after use they quickly evaporated. To their pleasure and most
+      genuine astonishment, the Professor paid them high compliments. Bertie&rsquo;s
+      discussion of the double personality had been the most intelligent which
+      had come in from any of the class. The illustration of the intoxicated
+      hack-driver who had fallen from his hack and inquired who it was that had
+      fallen, and then had pitied himself, was, said the Professor, as original
+      and perfect an illustration of our subjective-objectivity as he had met
+      with in all his researches. And Billy&rsquo;s suggestions concerning the
+      inherency of time and space in the mind the Professor had also found very
+      striking and independent, particularly his reasoning based upon the
+      well-known distortions of time and space which hashish and other drugs
+      produce in us. This was the sort of thing which the Professor had wanted
+      from his students: free comment and discussions, the spirit of the course,
+      rather than any strict adherence to the letter. He had constructed his
+      questions to elicit as much individual discussion as possible and had been
+      somewhat disappointed in his hopes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Yes, Bertie and Billy were astonished. But their astonishment did not
+      equal that of Oscar, who had answered many of the questions in the
+      Professor&rsquo;s own language. Oscar received seventy-five per cent for this
+      achievement&mdash;a good mark. But Billy&rsquo;s mark was eighty-six and
+      Bertie&rsquo;s ninety. &ldquo;There is some mistake,&rdquo; said Oscar to them when they
+      told him; and he hastened to the Professor with his tale. &ldquo;There is no
+      mistake,&rdquo; said the Professor. Oscar smiled with increased deference.
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; he urged, &ldquo;I assure you, sir, those young men knew absolutely
+      nothing. I was their tutor, and they knew nothing at all. I taught them
+      all their information myself.&rdquo; &ldquo;In that case,&rdquo; replied the Professor, not
+      pleased with Oscar&rsquo;s tale-bearing, &ldquo;you must have given them more than you
+      could spare. Good morning.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Oscar never understood. But he graduated considerably higher than Bertie
+      and Billy, who were not able to discover many other courses so favorable
+      to &ldquo;orriginal rresearch&rdquo; as was Philosophy 4. That is twenty years ago,
+      To-day Bertie is treasurer of the New Amsterdam Trust Company, in Wall
+      Street; Billy is superintendent of passenger traffic of the New York and
+      Chicago Air Line. Oscar is successful too. He has acquired a lot of
+      information. His smile is unchanged. He has published a careful work
+      entitled &ldquo;The Minor Poets of Cinquecento,&rdquo; and he writes book reviews for
+      the Evening Post.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
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+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Philosophy 4
+       A Story of Harvard University
+
+Author: Owen Wister
+
+Posting Date: August 2, 2008 [EBook #862]
+Release Date: March, 1997
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHILOSOPHY 4 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Daniel P. B. Smith
+
+
+
+
+
+PHILOSOPHY 4
+
+A STORY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY
+
+By Owen Wister
+
+
+
+
+
+I
+
+
+
+Two frowning boys sat in their tennis flannels beneath the glare of
+lamp and gas. Their leather belts were loosened, their soft pink shirts
+unbuttoned at the collar. They were listening with gloomy voracity to
+the instruction of a third. They sat at a table bared of its customary
+sporting ornaments, and from time to time they questioned, sucked their
+pencils, and scrawled vigorous, laconic notes. Their necks and faces
+shone with the bloom of out-of-doors. Studious concentration was
+evidently a painful novelty to their features. Drops of perspiration
+came one by one from their matted hair, and their hands dampened the
+paper upon which they wrote. The windows stood open wide to the May
+darkness, but nothing came in save heat and insects; for spring, being
+behind time, was making up with a sultry burst at the end, as a delayed
+train makes the last few miles high above schedule speed. Thus it
+has been since eight o'clock. Eleven was daintily striking now. Its
+diminutive sonority might have belonged to some church-bell far distant
+across the Cambridge silence; but it was on a shelf in the room,--a
+timepiece of Gallic design, representing Mephistopheles, who
+caressed the world in his lap. And as the little strokes boomed,
+eight--nine--ten--eleven, the voice of the instructor steadily continued
+thus:--
+
+"By starting from the Absolute Intelligence, the chief cravings of
+the reason, after unity and spirituality, receive due satisfaction.
+Something transcending the Objective becomes possible. In the Cogito the
+relation of subject and object is implied as the primary condition of
+all knowledge. Now, Plato never--"
+
+"Skip Plato," interrupted one of the boys. "You gave us his points
+yesterday."
+
+"Yep," assented the other, rattling through the back pages of his notes.
+"Got Plato down cold somewhere,--oh, here. He never caught on to the
+subjective, any more than the other Greek bucks. Go on to the next
+chappie."
+
+"If you gentlemen have mastered the--the Grreek bucks," observed the
+instructor, with sleek intonation, "we--"
+
+"Yep," said the second tennis boy, running a rapid judicial eye over his
+back notes, "you've put us on to their curves enough. Go on."
+
+The instructor turned a few pages forward in the thick book of his own
+neat type-written notes and then resumed,--
+
+"The self-knowledge of matter in motion."
+
+"Skip it," put in the first tennis boy.
+
+"We went to those lectures ourselves," explained the second, whirling
+through another dishevelled notebook. "Oh, yes. Hobbes and his gang.
+There is only one substance, matter, but it doesn't strictly exist.
+Bodies exist. We've got Hobbes. Go on."
+
+The instructor went forward a few pages more in his exhaustive volume.
+He had attended all the lectures but three throughout the year, taking
+them down in short-hand. Laryngitis had kept him from those three, to
+which however, he had sent a stenographic friend so that the chain
+was unbroken. He now took up the next philosopher on the list; but his
+smooth discourse was, after a short while, rudely shaken. It was the
+second tennis boy questioning severely the doctrines imparted.
+
+"So he says color is all your eye, and shape isn't? and substance
+isn't?"
+
+"Do you mean he claims," said the first boy, equally resentful, "that if
+we were all extinguished the world would still be here, only there'd be
+no difference between blue and pink, for instance?"
+
+"The reason is clear," responded the tutor, blandly. He adjusted his
+eyeglasses, placed their elastic cord behind his ear, and referred to
+his notes. "It is human sight that distinguishes between colors. If
+human sight be eliminated from the universe, nothing remains to make the
+distinction, and consequently there will be none. Thus also is it with
+sounds. If the universe contains no ear to hear the sound, the sound has
+no existence."
+
+"Why?" said both the tennis boys at once.
+
+The tutor smiled. "Is it not clear," said he, "that there can be no
+sound if it is not heard!"
+
+"No," they both returned, "not in the least clear."
+
+"It's clear enough what he's driving at of course," pursued the first
+boy. "Until the waves of sound or light or what not hit us through our
+senses, our brains don't experience the sensations of sound or light or
+what not, and so, of course, we can't know about them--not until they
+reach us."
+
+"Precisely," said the tutor. He had a suave and slightly alien accent.
+
+"Well, just tell me how that proves a thunder-storm in a desert island
+makes no noise."
+
+"If a thing is inaudible--" began the tutor.
+
+"That's mere juggling!" vociferated the boy, "That's merely the same
+kind of toy-shop brain-trick you gave us out of Greek philosophy
+yesterday. They said there was no such thing as motion because at every
+instant of time the moving body had to be somewhere, so how could it get
+anywhere else? Good Lord! I can make up foolishness like that myself.
+For instance: A moving body can never stop. Why? Why, because at every
+instant of time it must be going at a certain rate, so how can it ever
+get slower? Pooh!" He stopped. He had been gesticulating with one hand,
+which he now jammed wrathfully into his pocket.
+
+The tutor must have derived great pleasure from his own smile, for he
+prolonged and deepened and variously modified it while his shiny little
+calculating eyes travelled from one to the other of his ruddy scholars.
+He coughed, consulted his notes, and went through all the paces of
+superiority. "I can find nothing about a body's being unable to stop,"
+said he, gently. "If logic makes no appeal to you, gentlemen--"
+
+"Oh, bunch!" exclaimed the second tennis boy, in the slang of his
+period, which was the early eighties. "Look here. Color has no existence
+outside of our brain--that's the idea?"
+
+The tutor bowed.
+
+"And sound hasn't? and smell hasn't? and taste hasn't?"
+
+The tutor had repeated his little bow after each.
+
+"And that's because they depend on our senses? Very well. But he claims
+solidity and shape and distance do exist independently of us. If we all
+died, they'd he here just the same, though the others wouldn't. A flower
+would go on growing, but it would stop smelling. Very well. Now you tell
+me how we ascertain solidity. By the touch, don't we? Then, if there was
+nobody to touch an object, what then? Seems to me touch is just as much
+of a sense as your nose is." (He meant no personality, but the first boy
+choked a giggle as the speaker hotly followed up his thought.) "Seems
+to me by his reasoning that in a desert island there'd be nothing it
+all--smells or shapes--not even an island. Seems to me that's what you
+call logic."
+
+The tutor directed his smile at the open window. "Berkeley--" said he.
+
+"By Jove!" said the other boy, not heeding him, "and here's another
+point: if color is entirely in my brain, why don't that ink-bottle and
+this shirt look alike to me? They ought to. And why don't a Martini
+cocktail and a cup of coffee taste the same to my tongue?" "Berkeley,"
+attempted the tutor, "demonstrates--"
+
+"Do you mean to say," the boy rushed on, "that there is no eternal
+quality in all these things which when it meets my perceptions compels
+me to see differences?"
+
+The tutor surveyed his notes. "I can discover no such suggestions here
+as you are pleased to make" said he. "But your orriginal researches," he
+continued most obsequiously, "recall our next subject,--Berkeley and the
+Idealists." And he smoothed out his notes.
+
+"Let's see," said the second boy, pondering; "I went to two or three
+lectures about that time. Berkeley--Berkeley. Didn't he--oh, yes! he
+did. He went the whole hog. Nothing's anywhere except in your ideas. You
+think the table's there, but it isn't. There isn't any table."
+
+The first boy slapped his leg and lighted a cigarette. "I remember,"
+said he. "Amounts to this: If I were to stop thinking about you, you'd
+evaporate."
+
+"Which is balls," observed the second boy, judicially, again in the
+slang of his period, "and can be proved so. For you're not always
+thinking about me, and I've never evaporated once."
+
+The first boy, after a slight wink at the second, addressed the tutor.
+"Supposing you were to happen to forget yourself," said he to that sleek
+gentleman, "would you evaporate?"
+
+The tutor turned his little eyes doubtfully upon the tennis boys, but
+answered, reciting the language of his notes: "The idealistic theory
+does not apply to the thinking ego, but to the world of external
+phenomena. The world exists in our conception of it.
+
+"Then," said the second boy, "when a thing is inconceivable?"
+
+"It has no existence," replied the tutor, complacently.
+
+"But a billion dollars is inconceivable," retorted the boy. "No mind can
+take in a sum of that size; but it exists."
+
+"Put that down! put that down!" shrieked the other boy. "You've struck
+something. If we get Berkeley on the paper, I'll run that in." He wrote
+rapidly, and then took a turn around the room, frowning as he walked.
+"The actuality of a thing," said he, summing his clever thoughts up,
+"is not disproved by its being inconceivable. Ideas alone depend upon
+thought for their existence. There! Anybody can get off stuff like that
+by the yard." He picked up a cork and a foot-rule, tossed the cork, and
+sent it flying out of the window with the foot-rule.
+
+"Skip Berkeley," said the other boy.
+
+"How much more is there?"
+
+"Necessary and accidental truths," answered the tutor, reading the
+subjects from his notes. "Hume and the causal law. The duality, or
+multiplicity, of the ego."
+
+"The hard-boiled ego," commented the boy the ruler; and he batted a
+swooping June-bug into space.
+
+"Sit down, idiot," said his sprightly mate.
+
+Conversation ceased. Instruction went forward. Their pencils worked. The
+causal law, etc., went into their condensed notes like Liebig's extract
+of beef, and drops of perspiration continued to trickle from their
+matted hair.
+
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+
+Bertie and Billy were sophomores. They had been alive for twenty years,
+and were young. Their tutor was also a sophomore. He too had been alive
+for twenty years, but never yet had become young. Bertie and Billy had
+colonial names (Rogers, I think, and Schuyler), but the tutor's name was
+Oscar Maironi, and he was charging his pupils five dollars an hour
+each for his instruction. Do not think this excessive. Oscar could have
+tutored a whole class of irresponsibles, and by that arrangement have
+earned probably more; but Bertie and Billy had preempted him on account
+of his fame or high standing and accuracy, and they could well afford
+it. All three sophomores alike had happened to choose Philosophy 4 as
+one of their elective courses, and all alike were now face to face with
+the Day of Judgment. The final examinations had begun. Oscar could lay
+his hand upon his studious heart and await the Day of Judgment like--I
+had nearly said a Christian! His notes were full: Three hundred pages
+about Zeno and Parmenides and the rest, almost every word as it had come
+from the professor's lips. And his memory was full, too, flowing like
+a player's lines. With the right cue he could recite instantly: "An
+important application of this principle, with obvious reference to
+Heracleitos, occurs in Aristotle, who says--" He could do this with the
+notes anywhere. I am sure you appreciate Oscar and his great power of
+acquiring facts. So he was ready, like the wise virgins of parable.
+Bertie and Billy did not put one in mind of virgins: although they had
+burned considerable midnight oil, it had not been to throw light upon
+Philosophy 4. In them the mere word Heracleitos had raised a chill no
+later than yesterday,--the chill of the unknown. They had not attended
+the lectures on the "Greek bucks." Indeed, profiting by their privilege
+of voluntary recitations, they had dropped in but seldom on Philosophy
+4. These blithe grasshoppers had danced and sung away the precious
+storing season, and now that the bleak hour of examinations was upon
+them, their waked-up hearts had felt aghast at the sudden vision of
+their ignorance. It was on a Monday noon that this feeling came fully
+upon them, as they read over the names of the philosophers. Thursday was
+the day of the examination. "Who's Anaxagoras?" Billy had inquired of
+Bertie. "I'll tell you," said Bertie, "if you'll tell me who Epicharmos
+of Kos was." And upon this they embraced with helpless laughter. Then
+they reckoned up the hours left for them to learn Epicharmos of Kos
+in,--between Monday noon and Thursday morning at nine,--and their
+quailing chill increased. A tutor must be called in at once. So the
+grasshoppers, having money, sought out and quickly purchased the ant.
+
+Closeted with Oscar and his notes, they had, as Bertie put it, salted
+down the early Greek bucks by seven on Monday evening. By the same
+midnight they had, as Billy expressed it, called the turn on Plato.
+Tuesday was a second day of concentrated swallowing. Oscar had taken
+them through the thought of many centuries. There had been intermissions
+for lunch and dinner only; and the weather was exceedingly hot. The
+pale-skinned Oscar stood this strain better than the unaccustomed Bertie
+and Billy. Their jovial eyes had grown hollow to-night, although
+their minds were going gallantly, as you have probably noticed.
+Their criticisms, slangy and abrupt, struck the scholastic Oscar as
+flippancies which he must indulge, since the pay was handsome. That
+these idlers should jump in with doubts and questions not contained
+in his sacred notes raised in him feelings betrayed just once in that
+remark about "orriginal rresearch."
+
+"Nine--ten--eleven--twelve," went the little timepiece; and Oscar rose.
+
+"Gentlemen," he said, closing the sacred notes, "we have finished the
+causal law."
+
+"That's the whole business except the ego racket, isn't it?" said Billy.
+
+"The duality, or multiplicity of the ego remains," Oscar replied.
+
+"Oh, I know its name. It ought to be a soft snap after what we've had."
+
+"Unless it's full of dates and names you've got to know," said Bertie.
+
+"Don't believe it is," Billy answered. "I heard him at it once." (This
+meant that Billy had gone to a lecture lately.) "It's all about Who am
+I? and How do I do it?" Billy added.
+
+"Hm!" said Bertie. "Hm! Subjective and objective again, I suppose, only
+applied to oneself. You see, that table is objective. I can stand off
+and judge it. It's outside of me; has nothing to do with me. That's
+easy. But my opinion of--well, my--well, anything in my nature--"
+
+"Anger when it's time to get up," suggested Billy.
+
+"An excellent illustration," said Bertie. "That is subjective in me.
+Similar to your dislike of water as a beverage. That is subjective in
+you. But here comes the twist. I can think of my own anger and judge it,
+just as if it were an outside thing, like a table. I can compare it with
+itself on different mornings or with other people's anger. And I trust
+that you can do the same with your thirst."
+
+"Yes," said Billy; "I recognize that it is greater at times and less at
+others."
+
+"Very well, There you are. Duality of the ego."
+
+"Subject and object," said Billy. "Perfectly true, and very queer when
+you try to think of it. Wonder how far it goes? Of course, one can
+explain the body's being an object to the brain inside it. That's mind
+and matter over again. But when my own mind and thought, can become
+objects to themselves--I wonder how far that does go?" he broke off
+musingly. "What useless stuff!" he ended.
+
+"Gentlemen," said Oscar, who had been listening to them with patient,
+Oriental diversion, "I--"
+
+"Oh," said Bertie, remembering him. "Look here. We mustn't keep you up.
+We're awfully obliged for the way you are putting us on to this. You're
+saving our lives. Ten to-morrow for a grand review of the whole course."
+
+"And the multiplicity of the ego?" inquired Oscar.
+
+"Oh, I forgot. Well, it's too late tonight. Is it much? Are there many
+dates and names and things?"
+
+"It is more of a general inquiry and analysis," replied Oscar. "But it
+is forty pages of my notes." And he smiled.
+
+"Well, look here.  It would be nice to have to-morrow clear for review.
+We're not tired. You leave us your notes and go to bed."
+
+Oscar's hand almost moved to cover and hold his precious property, for
+this instinct was the deepest in him. But it did not so move, because
+his intelligence controlled his instinct nearly, though not
+quite, always. His shiny little eyes, however, became furtive and
+antagonistic--something the boys did not at first make out.
+
+Oscar gave himself a moment of silence. "I could not brreak my rule,"
+said he then. "I do not ever leave my notes with anybody. Mr. Woodridge
+asked for my History 3 notes, and Mr. Bailey wanted my notes for Fine
+Arts 1, and I could not let them have them. If Mr. Woodridge was to
+hear--"
+
+"But what in the dickens are you afraid of?"
+
+"Well, gentlemen, I would rather not. You would take good care, I know,
+but there are sometimes things which happen that we cannot help. One
+time a fire--"
+
+At this racial suggestion both boys made the room joyous with mirth.
+Oscar stood uneasily contemplating them. He would never be able to
+understand them, not as long as he lived, nor they him. When their mirth
+Was over he did somewhat better, but it was tardy. You see, he was not
+a specimen of the first rank, or he would have said at once what he said
+now: "I wish to study my notes a little myself, gentlemen."
+
+"Go along, Oscar, with your inflammable notes, go along!" said Bertie,
+in supreme good-humor. "And we'll meet to-morrow at ten--if there hasn't
+been a fire--Better keep your notes in the bath, Oscar."
+
+In as much haste as could be made with a good appearance, Oscar buckled
+his volume in its leather cover, gathered his hat and pencil, and,
+bidding his pupils a very good night, sped smoothly out of the room.
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+
+
+Oscar Maironi was very poor. His thin gray suit in summer resembled his
+thick gray suit in winter. It does not seem that he had more than two;
+but he had a black coat and waistcoat, and a narrow-brimmed, shiny hat
+to go with these, and one pair of patent-leather shoes that laced,
+and whose long soles curved upward at the toe like the rockers of a
+summer-hotel chair. These holiday garments served him in all seasons;
+and when you saw him dressed in them, and seated in a car bound for
+Park Square, you knew he was going into Boston, where he would read
+manuscript essays on Botticelli or Pico della Mirandola, or manuscript
+translations of Armenian folksongs; read these to ecstatic, dim-eyed
+ladies in Newbury Street, who would pour him cups of tea when it was
+over, and speak of his earnestness after he was gone. It did not do the
+ladies any harm; but I am not sure that it was the best thing for Oscar.
+It helped him feel every day, as he stepped along to recitations with
+his elbow clamping his books against his ribs and his heavy black curls
+bulging down from his gray slouch hat to his collar, how meritorious he
+was compared with Bertie and Billy--with all Berties and Billies. He may
+have been. Who shall say? But I will say at once that chewing the cud of
+one's own virtue gives a sour stomach.
+
+Bertie's and Billy's parents owned town and country houses in New York.
+The parents of Oscar had come over in the steerage. Money filled the
+pockets of Bertie and Billy; therefore were their heads empty of money
+and full of less cramping thoughts. Oscar had fallen upon the reverse of
+this fate. Calculation was his second nature. He had given his education
+to himself; he had for its sake toiled, traded, outwitted, and saved.
+He had sent himself to college, where most of the hours not given to
+education and more education, went to toiling and more toiling, that
+he might pay his meagre way through the college world. He had a cheaper
+room and ate cheaper meals than was necessary. He tutored, and he wrote
+college specials for several newspapers. His chief relaxation was the
+praise of the ladies in Newbury Street. These told him of the future
+which awaited him, and when they gazed upon his features were put in
+mind of the dying Keats. Not that Oscar was going to die in the least.
+Life burned strong in him. There were sly times when he took what he had
+saved by his cheap meals and room and went to Boston with it, and for
+a few hours thoroughly ceased being ascetic. Yet Oscar felt meritorious
+when he considered Bertie and Billy; for, like the socialists, merit
+with him meant not being able to live as well as your neighbor. You will
+think that I have given to Oscar what is familiarly termed a black eye.
+But I was once inclined to applaud his struggle for knowledge, until I
+studied him close and perceived that his love was not for the education
+he was getting. Bertie and Billy loved play for play's own sake, and
+in play forgot themselves, like the wholesome young creatures that they
+were. Oscar had one love only: through all his days whatever he might
+forget, he would remember himself; through all his days he would make
+knowledge show that self off. Thank heaven, all the poor students in
+Harvard College were not Oscars! I loved some of them as much as I loved
+Bertie and Billy. So there is no black eye about it. Pity Oscar, if you
+like; but don't be so mushy as to admire him as he stepped along in the
+night, holding his notes, full of his knowledge, thinking of Bertie
+and Billy, conscious of virtue, and smiling his smile. They were not
+conscious of any virtue, were Bertie and Billy, nor were they smiling.
+They were solemnly eating up together a box of handsome strawberries and
+sucking the juice from their reddened thumbs.
+
+"Rather mean not to make him wait and have some of these after his hard
+work on us," said Bertie. "I'd forgotten about them--"
+
+"He ran out before you could remember, anyway," said Billy.
+
+"Wasn't he absurd about his old notes? "Bertie went on, a new strawberry
+in his mouth. "We don't need them, though. With to-morrow we'll get this
+course down cold."
+
+"Yes, to-morrow," sighed Billy. "It's awful to think of another day of
+this kind."
+
+"Horrible," assented Bertie.
+
+"He knows a lot. He's extraordinary," said Billy.
+
+"Yes, he is. He can talk the actual words of the notes. Probably
+he could teach the course himself. I don't suppose he buys any
+strawberries, even when they get ripe and cheap here. What's the matter
+with you?"
+
+Billy had broken suddenly into merriment. "I don't believe Oscar owns a
+bath," he explained.
+
+"By Jove! so his notes will burn in spite of everything!" And both of
+the tennis boys shrieked foolishly.
+
+Then Billy began taking his clothes off, strewing them in the
+window-seat, or anywhere that they happened to drop; and Bertie, after
+hitting another cork or two out of the window with the tennis racket,
+departed to his own room on another floor and left Billy to immediate
+and deep slumber. This was broken for a few moments when Billy's
+room-mate returned happy from an excursion which had begun in the
+morning.
+
+The room-mate sat on Billy's feet until that gentleman showed
+consciousness.
+
+"I've done it, said the room-mate, then.
+
+"The hell you have!"
+
+"You couldn't do it."
+
+"The hell I couldn't!"
+
+"Great dinner."
+
+"The hell it was!"
+
+"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, rum omelette. Bet you five dollars you can't find it."
+
+"Take you. Got to bed." And Billy fell again into deep, immediate
+slumber.
+
+The room-mate went out into the sitting room, and noting the signs there
+of the hard work which had gone on during his absence, was glad that he
+did not take Philosophy 4. He was soon asleep also.
+
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+
+
+Billy got up early. As he plunged into his cold bath he envied his
+room-mate, who could remain at rest indefinitely, while his own hard lot
+was hurrying him to prayers and breakfast and Oscar's inexorable notes.
+He sighed once more as he looked at the beauty of the new morning
+and felt its air upon his cheeks. He and Bertie belonged to the same
+club-table, and they met there mournfully over the oatmeal. This very
+hour to-morrow would see them eating their last before the
+examination in Philosophy 4. And nothing pleasant was going to happen
+between,--nothing that they could dwell upon with the slightest
+satisfaction. Nor had their sleep entirely refreshed them. Their eyes
+were not quite right, and their hair, though it was brushed, showed
+fatigue of the nerves in a certain inclination to limpness and disorder.
+
+
+    "Epicharmos of Kos
+    Was covered with moss,"
+
+remarked Billy.
+
+
+    "Thales and Zeno
+    Were duffers at keno,"
+
+added Bertie.
+
+In the hours of trial they would often express their education thus.
+
+"Philosophers I have met," murmured Billy, with scorn And they ate
+silently for some time.
+
+"There's one thing that's valuable," said Bertie next. "When they spring
+those tricks on you about the flying arrow not moving, and all the rest,
+and prove it all right by logic, you learn what pure logic amounts to
+when it cuts loose from common sense. And Oscar thinks it's immense. We
+shocked him."
+
+"He's found the Bird-in-Hand!" cried Billy, quite suddenly.
+
+"Oscar?" said Bertie, with an equal shout.
+
+"No, John. John has. Came home last night and waked me up and told me."
+
+"Good for John," remarked Bertie, pensively.
+
+Now, to the undergraduate mind of that day the Bird-in-Hand tavern was
+what the golden fleece used to be to the Greeks,--a sort of shining,
+remote, miraculous thing, difficult though not impossible to find, for
+which expeditions were fitted out. It was reported to be somewhere in
+the direction of Quincy, and in one respect it resembled a ghost: you
+never saw a man who had seen it himself; it was always his cousin, or
+his elder brother in '79. But for the successful explorer a dinner and
+wines were waiting at the Bird-in-Hand more delicious than anything
+outside of Paradise. You will realize, therefore, what a thing it was
+to have a room-mate who had attained. If Billy had not been so dog-tired
+last night, he would have sat up and made John tell him everything from
+beginning to end.
+
+"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, and rum omelette," he was now reciting to Bertie.
+
+"They say the rum there is old Jamaica brought in slave-ships," said
+Bertie, reverently.
+
+"I've heard he has white port of 1820," said Billy; "and claret and
+champagne."
+
+Bertie looked out of the window. "This is the finest day there's been,"
+said he. Then he looked at his watch. It was twenty-five minutes before
+Oscar. Then he looked Billy hard in the eye. "Have you any sand?" he
+inquired.
+
+It was a challenge to Billy's manhood. "Sand!" he yelled, sitting up.
+
+Both of them in an instant had left the table and bounded out of the
+house. "I'll meet you at Pike's," said Billy to Bertie. "Make him give
+us the black gelding."
+
+"Might as well bring our notes along," Bertie called after his rushing
+friend; "and get John to tell you the road."
+
+To see their haste, as the two fled in opposite directions upon
+their errands, you would have supposed them under some crying call of
+obligation, or else to be escaping from justice.
+
+Twenty minutes later they were seated behind the black gelding and
+bound on their journey in search of the bird-in-Hand. Their notes in
+Philosophy 4 were stowed under the buggy-seat.
+
+"Did Oscar see you?" Bertie inquired.
+
+"Not he," cried Billy, joyously.
+
+"Oscar will wonder," said Bertie; and he gave the black gelding a
+triumphant touch with the whip.
+
+You see, it was Oscar that had made them run go; or, rather, it was
+Duty and Fate walking in Oscar's displeasing likeness. Nothing easier,
+nothing more reasonable, than to see the tutor and tell him they should
+not need him to-day. But that would have spoiled everything. They did
+not know it, but deep in their childlike hearts was a delicious sense
+that in thus unaccountably disappearing they had won a great game, had
+got away ahead of Duty and Fate. After all it did bear some resemblance
+to an escape from justice. .
+
+Could he have known this, Oscar would have felt more superior than ever.
+Punctually at the hour agreed, ten o'clock he rapped at Billy's door and
+stood waiting, his leather wallet of notes nipped safe between elbow and
+ribs. Then he knocked again. Then he tried the door, and as it was open,
+he walked deferentially into the sitting room. Sonorous snores came from
+one of the bedrooms. Oscar peered in and saw John; but he saw no Billy
+in the other bed. Then, always deferential, he sat down in the sitting
+room and watched a couple of prettily striped coats hanging in a
+half-open closet.
+
+At that moment the black gelding was flirtatiously crossing the
+drawbridge over the Charles on the Allston Road. The gelding knew the
+clank of those suspending chains and the slight unsteadiness of the
+meeting halves of the bridge as well as it knew oats. But it could not
+enjoy its own entirely premeditated surprise quite so much as Bertie and
+Billy were enjoying their entirely unpremeditated flight from Oscar. The
+wind rippled on the water; down at the boat-house Smith was helping
+some one embark in a single scull; they saw the green meadows toward
+Brighton; their foreheads felt cool and unvexed, and each new minute had
+the savor of fresh forbidden fruit.
+
+"How do we go?" said Bertie.
+
+"I forgot I had a bet with John until I had waked him," said Billy. "He
+bet me five last night I couldn't find it, and I took him. Of course,
+after that I had no right to ask him anything, and he thought I was
+funny. He said I couldn't find out if the landlady's hair was her own. I
+went him another five on that."
+
+"How do you say we ought to go?" said Bertie, presently.
+
+"Quincy, I'm sure."
+
+They were now crossing the Albany tracks at Allston. "We're going to get
+there," said Bertie; and he turned the black gelding toward Brookline
+and Jamaica Plain.
+
+The enchanting day surrounded them. The suburban houses, even the
+suburban street-cars, seemed part of one great universal plan of
+enjoyment. Pleasantness so radiated from the boys' faces and from their
+general appearance of clean white flannel trousers and soft clean shirts
+of pink and blue that a driver on a passing car leaned to look after
+them with a smile and a butcher hailed them with loud brotherhood from
+his cart. They turned a corner, and from a long way off came the sight
+of the tower of Memorial Hall. Plain above all intervening tenements
+and foliage it rose. Over there beneath its shadow were examinations
+and Oscar. It caught Billy's roving eye, and he nudged Bertie, pointing
+silently to it. "Ha, ha!" sang Bertie. And beneath his light whip the
+gelding sprang forward into its stride.
+
+
+The clocks of Massachusetts struck eleven. Oscar rose doubtfully from
+his chair in Billy's study. Again he looked into Billy's bedroom and at
+the empty bed. Then he went for a moment and watched the still forcibly
+sleeping John. He turned his eyes this way and that, and after standing
+for a while moved quietly back to his chair and sat down with the
+leather wallet of notes on his lap, his knees together, and his
+unblocked shoes touching. In due time the clocks of Massachusetts struck
+noon.
+
+
+In a meadow where a brown amber stream ran, lay Bertie and Billy on the
+grass. Their summer coats were off, their belts loosened. They watched
+with eyes half closed the long water-weeds moving gently as the current
+waved and twined them. The black gelding, brought along a farm road and
+through a gate, waited at its ease in the field beside a stone wall.
+Now and then it stretched and cropped a young leaf from a vine that grew
+over the wall, and now and then the want wind brought down the fruit
+blossoms all over the meadow. They fell from the tree where Bertie and
+Billy lay, and the boys brushed them from their faces. Not very far away
+was Blue Hill, softly shining; and crows high up in the air came from it
+occasionally across here.
+
+By one o'clock a change had come in Billy's room. Oscar during that hour
+had opened his satchel of philosophy upon his lap and read his notes
+attentively. Being almost word perfect in many parts of them, he now
+spent his unexpected leisure in acquiring accurately the language of
+still further paragraphs. "The sharp line of demarcation which Descartes
+drew between consciousness and the material world," whispered Oscar with
+satisfaction, and knew that if Descartes were on the examination paper
+he could start with this and go on for nearly twenty lines before
+he would have to use any words of his own. As he memorized, the
+chambermaid, who had come to do the bedrooms three times already and had
+gone away again, now returned and no longer restrained her indignation.
+"Get up Mr. Blake!" she vociferated to the sleeping John; "you ought to
+be ashamed!" And she shook the bedstead. Thus John had come to rise and
+discover Oscar. The patient tutor explained himself as John listened in
+his pyjamas.
+
+"Why, I'm sorry," said he, "but I don't believe they'll get back very
+soon."
+
+"They have gone away?" asked Oscar, sharply.
+
+"Ah--yes," returned the reticent John. "An unexpected matter of
+importance."
+
+"But, my dear sir, those gentlemen know nothing! Philosophy 4 is
+tomorrow, and they know nothing."
+
+"They'll have to stand it, then," said John, with a grin.
+
+"And my time. I am waiting here. I am engaged to teach them. I have been
+waiting here since ten. They engaged me all day and this evening.
+
+"I don't believe there's the slightest use in your waiting now, you
+know. They'll probably let you know when they come back."
+
+"Probably! But they have engaged my time. The girl knows I was here
+ready at ten. I call you to witness that you found me waiting, ready at
+any time."
+
+John in his pyjamas stared at Oscar. "Why, of course they'll pay you the
+whole thing," said he, coldly; "stay here if you prefer." And he went
+into the bathroom and closed the door.
+
+The tutor stood awhile, holding his notes and turning his little eyes
+this way and that. His young days had been dedicated to getting the
+better of his neighbor, because otherwise his neighbor would get the
+better of him. Oscar had never suspected the existence of boys like John
+and Bertie and Billy. He stood holding his notes, and then, buckling
+them up once more, he left the room with evidently reluctant steps. It
+was at this time that the clocks struck one.
+
+
+In their field among the soft new grass sat Bertie and Billy some ten
+yards apart, each with his back against an apple tree. Each had his
+notes and took his turn at questioning the other. Thus the names of the
+Greek philosophers with their dates and doctrines were shouted gayly in
+the meadow. The foreheads of the boys were damp to-day, as they had been
+last night, and their shirts were opened to the air; but it was the
+sun that made them hot now, and no lamp or gas; and already they looked
+twice as alive as they had looked at breakfast. There they sat, while
+their memories gripped the summarized list of facts essential, facts to
+be known accurately; the simple, solid, raw facts, which, should they
+happen to come on the examination paper, no skill could evade nor any
+imagination supply. But this study was no longer dry and dreadful to
+them: they had turned it to a sporting event. "What about Heracleitos?"
+Billy as catechist would put at Bertie. "Eternal flux," Bertie would
+correctly snap back at Billy. Or, if he got it mixed up, and replied,
+"Everything is water," which was the doctrine of another Greek, then
+Billy would credit himself with twenty-five cents on a piece of paper.
+Each ran a memorandum of this kind; and you can readily see how spirited
+a character metaphysics would assume under such conditions.
+
+"I'm going in," said Bertie, suddenly, as Billy was crediting himself
+with a fifty-cent gain. "What's your score?"
+
+"Two seventy-five, counting your break on Parmenides. It'll be cold."
+
+"No, it won't. Well, I'm only a quarter behind you." And Bertie puffed
+off his shoes. Soon he splashed into the stream where the bend made a
+hole of some depth.
+
+"Cold?" inquired Billy on the bank. Bertie closed his eyes dreamily.
+"Delicious," said he, and sank luxuriously beneath the surface with slow
+strokes.
+
+Billy had his clothes off in a moment, and, taking the plunge, screamed
+loudly "You liar!" he yelled, as he came up. And he made for Bertie.
+
+Delight rendered Bertie weak and helpless; he was caught and ducked; and
+after some vigorous wrestling both came out of the icy water.
+
+"Now we've got no towels, you fool," said Billy.
+
+"Use your notes," said Bertie, and he rolled in the grass. Then they
+chased each other round the apple trees, and the black gelding watched
+them by the wall, its ears well forward.
+
+While they were dressing they discovered it was half-past one, and
+became instantly famished. "We should have brought lunch along," they
+told each other. But they forgot that no such thing as lunch could have
+induced them to delay their escape from Cambridge for a moment this
+morning. "What do you suppose Oscar is doing now?" Billy inquired of
+Bertie, as they led the black gelding back to the road; and Bertie
+laughed like an infant. "Gentlemen," said he, in Oscar's manner, "we
+now approach the multiplicity of the ego." The black gelding must have
+thought it had humorists to deal with this day.
+
+
+Oscar, as a matter of fact, was eating his cheap lunch away over in
+Cambridge. There was cold mutton, and boiled potatoes with hard brown
+spots in them, and large picked cucumbers; and the salt was damp and
+would not shake out through the holes in the top of the bottle. But
+Oscar ate two helps of everything with a good appetite, and between
+whiles looked at his notes, which lay open beside him on the table.
+At the stroke of two he was again knocking at his pupils' door. But no
+answer came. John had gone away somewhere for indefinite hours and
+the door was locked. So Oscar wrote: "Called, two p.m.," on a scrap
+of envelope, signed his name, and put it through the letter-slit.
+It crossed his mind to hunt other pupils for his vacant time, but
+he decided against this at once, and returned to his own room. Three
+o'clock found him back at the door, knocking scrupulously, The idea of
+performing his side of the contract, of tendering his goods and standing
+ready at all times to deliver them, was in his commercially mature mind.
+This time he had brought a neat piece of paper with him, and wrote upon
+it, "Called, three P.M.," and signed it as before, and departed to his
+room with a sense of fulfilled obligations.
+
+
+Bertie and Billy had lunched at Mattapan quite happily on cold ham, cold
+pie, and doughnuts. Mattapan, not being accustomed to such lilies of the
+field, stared at their clothes and general glory, but observed that they
+could eat the native bill-of-fare as well as anybody. They found
+some good, cool beer, moreover, and spoke to several people of
+the Bird-in-Hand, and got several answers: for instance, that the
+Bird-in-Hand was at Hingham; that it was at Nantasket; that they had
+better inquire for it at South Braintree; that they had passed it a
+mile back; and that there was no such place. If you would gauge
+the intelligence of our population, inquire your way in a rural
+neighborhood. With these directions they took up their journey after
+an hour and a half,--a halt made chiefly for the benefit of the black
+gelding, whom they looked after as much as they did themselves. For
+a while they discussed club matters seriously, as both of them were
+officers of certain organizations, chosen so on account of their
+recognized executive gifts. These questions settled, they resumed the
+lighter theme of philosophy, and made it (as Billy observed) a near
+thing for the Causal law. But as they drove along, their minds left this
+topic on the abrupt discovery that the sun was getting down out of the
+sky, and they asked each other where they were and what they should
+do. They pulled up at some cross-roads and debated this with growing
+uneasiness. Behind them lay the way to Cambridge,--not very clear, to be
+sure; but you could always go where you had come from, Billy seemed to
+think. He asked, "How about Cambridge and a little Oscar to finish off
+with?" Bertie frowned. This would be failure. Was Billy willing to go
+back and face John the successful?
+
+"It would only cost me five dollars," said Billy.
+
+"Ten," Bertie corrected. He recalled to Billy the matter about the
+landlady's hair.
+
+"By Jove, that's so!" cried Billy, brightening. It seemed conclusive.
+But he grew cloudy again the next moment. He was of opinion that one
+could go too far in a thing.
+
+"Where's your sand?" said Bertie.
+
+Billy made an unseemly rejoinder, but even in the making was visited by
+inspiration. He saw the whole thing as it really was. "By Jove!" said
+he, "we couldn't get back in time for dinner."
+
+"There's my bonny boy!" said Bertie, with pride; and he touched up
+the black gelding. Uneasiness had left both of them. Cambridge was
+manifestly impossible; an error in judgment; food compelled them to
+seek the Bird-in-Hand. "We'll try Quincy, anyhow," Bertie said. Billy
+suggested that they inquire of people on the road. This provided a new
+sporting event: they could bet upon the answers. Now, the roads, not
+populous at noon, had grown solitary in the sweetness of the long
+twilight. Voices of birds there were; and little, black, quick brooks,
+full to the margin grass, shot under the roadway through low bridges.
+Through the web of young foliage the sky shone saffron, and frogs piped
+in the meadow swamps. No cart or carriage appeared, however, and the
+bets languished. Bertie, driving with one hand, was buttoning his coat
+with the other, when the black gelding leaped from the middle of the
+road to the turf and took to backing. The buggy reeled; but the driver
+was skilful, and fifteen seconds of whip and presence of mind brought it
+out smoothly. Then the cause of all this spoke to them from a gate.
+
+"Come as near spillin' as you boys wanted, I guess," remarked the cause.
+
+They looked, and saw him in huge white shirt-sleeves, shaking with
+joviality. "If you kep' at it long enough you might a-most learn to
+drive a horse," he continued, eying Bertie. This came as near direct
+praise as the true son of our soil--Northern or Southern--often thinks
+well of. Bertie was pleased, but made a modest observation, and "Are we
+near the tavern?" he asked. "Bird-in-Hand!" the son of the soil echoed;
+and he contemplated them from his gate. "That's me," he stated, with
+complacence. "Bill Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand has been me since April,
+'65." His massy hair had been yellow, his broad body must have weighed
+two hundred and fifty pounds, his face was canny, red, and somewhat
+clerical, resembling Henry Ward Beecher's.
+
+"Trout," he said, pointing to a basket by the gate. "For your dinner.
+"Then he climbed heavily but skilfully down and picked up the basket and
+a rod. "Folks round here say," said he, "that there ain't no more trout
+up them meadows. They've been a-sayin' that since '74; and I've been
+a-sayin' it myself, when judicious." Here he shook slightly and opened
+the basket. "Twelve," he said. "Sixteen yesterday. Now you go along and
+turn in the first right-hand turn, and I'll be up with you soon. Maybe
+you might make room for the trout." Room for him as well, they assured
+him; they were in luck to find him, they explained. "Well, I guess
+I'll trust my neck with you," he said to Bertie, the skillful driver;
+"'tain't five minutes' risk." The buggy leaned, and its springs bent as
+he climbed in, wedging his mature bulk between their slim shapes. The
+gelding looked round the shaft at them. "Protestin', are you?" he said
+to it. "These light-weight stoodents spile you!" So the gelding went
+on, expressing, however, by every line of its body, a sense of outraged
+justice. The boys related their difficult search, and learned that any
+mention of the name of Diggs would have brought them straight. "Bill
+Higgs of the Bird-in-Hand was my father, and my grandf'ther, and his
+father; and has been me sence I come back from the war and took the
+business in '65. I'm not commonly to be met out this late. About fifteen
+minutes earlier is my time for gettin' back, unless I'm plannin' for a
+jamboree. But to-night I got to settin' and watchin' that sunset, and
+listenin' to a darned red-winged blackbird, and I guess Mrs. Higgs has
+decided to expect me somewheres about noon to-morrow or Friday. Say,
+did Johnnie send you? "When he found that John had in a measure been
+responsible for their journey, he filled with gayety. "Oh, Johnnie's a
+bird!" said he. "He's that demure on first appearance. Walked in last
+evening and wanted dinner. Did he tell you what he ate? Guess he left
+out what he drank. Yes, he's demure."
+
+You might suppose that upon their landlord's safe and sober return
+fifteen minutes late, instead of on the expected noon of Thursday or
+Friday, their landlady would show signs of pleasure; but Mrs. Diggs from
+the porch threw an uncordial eye at the three arriving in the buggy.
+Here were two more like Johnnie of last night. She knew them by the
+clothes they wore and by the confidential tones of her husband's voice
+as he chatted to them. He had been old enough to know better for twenty
+years. But for twenty years he had taken the same extreme joy in the
+company of Johnnies, and they were bad for his health. Her final proof
+that they belonged to this hated breed was when Mr. Diggs thumped the
+trout down on the porch, and after briefly remarking, "Half of 'em
+boiled, and half broiled with bacon," himself led away the gelding to
+the stable instead of intrusting it to his man Silas.
+
+"You may set in the parlor," said Mrs. Diggs, and departed stiffly with
+the basket of trout.
+
+"It's false," said Billy, at once.
+
+Bertie did not grasp his thought.
+
+"Her hair," said Billy. And certainly it was an unusual-looking
+arrangement.
+
+Presently, as they sat near a parlor organ in the presence of earnest
+family portraits, Bertie made a new poem for Billy,--
+
+     "Said Aristotle unto Plato,
+    'Have another sweet potato? '"
+
+And Billy responded,--
+
+    "Said Plato unto Aristotle,
+    'Thank you, I prefer the bottle.'"
+
+"In here, are you?" said their beaming host at the door. "Now, I think
+you'd find my department of the premises cosier, so to speak." He
+nudged Bertie. "Do you boys guess it's too early in the season for a
+silver-fizz?"
+
+
+We must not wholly forget Oscar in Cambridge. During the afternoon he
+had not failed in his punctuality; two more neat witnesses to this lay
+on the door-mat beneath the letter-slit of Billy's room, And at the
+appointed hour after dinner a third joined them, making five. John found
+these cards when he came home to go to bed, and picked them up and stuck
+them ornamentally in Billy's looking-glass, as a greeting when Billy
+should return, The eight o'clock visit was the last that Oscar paid
+to the locked door, He remained through the evening in his own room,
+studious, contented, unventilated, indulging in his thick notes, and
+also in the thought of Billy's and Bertie's eleventh-hour scholarship,
+"Even with another day," he told himself, "those young men could not
+have got fifty per cent," In those times this was the passing mark.
+To-day I believe you get an A, or a B, or some other letter denoting
+your rank. In due time Oscar turned out his gas and got into his bed;
+and the clocks of Massachusetts struck midnight.
+
+Mrs. Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had retired at eleven, furious with rage,
+but firm in dignity in spite of a sudden misadventure. Her hair, being
+the subject of a sporting event, had remained steadily fixed in Billy's
+mind,--steadily fixed throughout an entertainment which began at an
+early hour to assume the features of a celebration. One silver-fizz
+before dinner is nothing; but dinner did not come at once, and the
+boys were thirsty. The hair of Mrs. Diggs had caught Billy's eye again
+immediately upon her entrance to inform them that the meal was ready;
+and whenever she reentered with a new course from the kitchen, Billy's
+eye wandered back to it, although Mr. Diggs had become full of anecdotes
+about the Civil War. It was partly Grecian: a knot stood out behind to
+a considerable distance. But this was not the whole plan. From front to
+back ran a parting, clear and severe, and curls fell from this to the
+temples in a manner called, I believe, by the enlightened, a l'Anne
+d'Autriche. The color was gray, to be sure; but this propriety did not
+save the structure from Billy's increasing observation. As bottles
+came to stand on the table in greater numbers, the closer and the more
+solemnly did Billy continue to follow the movements of Mrs. Diggs. They
+would without doubt have noticed him and his foreboding gravity but for
+Mr. Diggs's experiences in the Civil War.
+
+The repast was finished--so far as eating went. Mrs. Diggs with
+changeless dudgeon was removing and washing the dishes. At the
+revellers' elbows stood the 1820 port in its fine, fat, old, dingy
+bottle, going pretty fast. Mr. Diggs was nearing the end of Antietam.
+"That morning of the 18th, while McClellan was holdin' us squattin' and
+cussin'," he was saying to Bertie, when some sort of shuffling sound in
+the corner caught their attention. We can never know how it happened.
+Billy ought to know, but does not, and Mrs. Diggs allowed no subsequent
+reference to the casualty. But there she stood with her entire hair at
+right angles. The Grecian knot extended above her left ear, and her nose
+stuck through one set of Anne d'Autriche. Beside her Billy stood, solemn
+as a stone, yet with a sort of relief glazed upon his face.
+
+Mr. Diggs sat straight up at the vision of his spouse. "Flouncing
+Florence!" was his exclamation. "Gee-whittaker, Mary, if you ain't the
+most unmitigated sight!" And wind then left him.
+
+Mary's reply arrived in tones like a hornet stinging slowly and often.
+"Mr. Diggs, I have put up with many things, and am expecting to put
+up with many more. But you'd behave better if you consorted with
+gentlemen."
+
+The door slammed and she was gone. Not a word to either of the boys, not
+even any notice of them. It was thorough, and silence consequently held
+them for a moment.
+
+"He didn't mean anything," said Bertie, growing partially responsible.
+
+"Didn't mean anything," repeated Billy, like a lesson.
+
+"I'll take him and he'll apologize," Bertie pursued, walking over to
+Billy.
+
+"He'll apologize," went Billy, like a cheerful piece of mechanism.
+Responsibility was still quite distant from him.
+
+Mr. Diggs got his wind back. "Better not," he advised in something near
+a whisper. "Better not go after her. Her father was a fightin' preacher,
+and she's--well, begosh! she's a chip of the old pulpit." And he rolled
+his eye towards the door. Another door slammed somewhere above, and they
+gazed at each other, did Bertie and Mr. Diggs. Then Mr. Diggs, still
+gazing at Bertie, beckoned to him with a speaking eye and a crooked
+finger; and as he beckoned, Bertie approached like a conspirator and sat
+down close to him. "Begosh!" whispered Mr. Diggs. "Unmitigated." And at
+this he and Bertie laid their heads down on the table and rolled about
+in spasms.
+
+Billy from his corner seemed to become aware of them. With his eye fixed
+upon them like a statue, he came across the room, and, sitting down near
+them with formal politeness, observed, "Was you ever to the battle of
+Antietam?" This sent them beyond the limit; and they rocked their heads
+on the table and wept as if they would expire.
+
+Thus the three remained, during what space of time is not known: the
+two upon the table, convalescent with relapses, and Billy like a seated
+idol, unrelaxed at his vigil. The party was seen through the windows by
+Silas, coming from the stable to inquire if the gelding should not be
+harnessed. Silas leaned his face to the pane, and envy spoke plainly in
+it. "O my! O my!" he mentioned aloud to himself. So we have the whole
+household: Mrs. Diggs reposing scornfully in an upper chamber; all parts
+of the tavern darkened, save the one lighted room; the three inside that
+among their bottles, with the one outside looking covetously in at them;
+and the gelding stamping in the stable.
+
+But Silas, since he could not share, was presently of opinion that this
+was enough for one sitting, and he tramped heavily upon the porch. This
+brought Bertie back to the world of reality, and word was given to fetch
+the gelding. The host was in no mood to part with them, and spoke of
+comfortable beds and breakfast as early as they liked; but Bertie had
+become entirely responsible. Billy was helped in, Silas was liberally
+thanked, and they drove away beneath the stars, leaving behind them
+golden opinions, and a host who decided not to disturb his helpmate by
+retiring to rest in their conjugal bed.
+
+Bertie had forgotten, but the playful gelding had not. When they came
+abreast of that gate where Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had met them at
+sunset, Bertie was only aware that a number of things had happened at
+once, and that he had stopped the horse after about twenty yards of
+battle. Pride filled him, but emptied away in the same instant, for a
+voice on the road behind him spoke inquiringly through the darkness.
+
+"Did any one fall out?" said the voice. "Who fell out?"
+
+"Billy!" shrieked Bertie, cold all over. "Billy, are you hurt?"
+
+"Did Billy fall out?" said the voice, with plaintive cadence. "Poor
+Billy!"
+
+"He can't be," muttered Bertie. "Are you?" he loudly repeated.
+
+There was no answer: but steps came along the road as Bertie checked and
+pacified the gelding. Then Billy appeared by the wheel. "Poor Billy fell
+out," he said mildly. He held something up, which Bertie took. It
+had been Billy's straw hat, now a brimless fabric of ruin. Except for
+smirches and one inexpressible rent which dawn revealed to Bertie a
+little later, there were no further injuries, and Billy got in and took
+his seat quite competently.
+
+Bertie drove the gelding with a firm hand after this. They passed
+through the cool of the unseen meadow swamps, and heard the sound of the
+hollow bridges as they crossed them, and now and then the gulp of some
+pouring brook. They went by the few lights of Mattapan, seeing from some
+points on their way the beacons of the harbor, and again the curving
+line of lamps that drew the outline of some village built upon a hill.
+Dawn showed them Jamaica Pond, smooth and breezeless, and encircled with
+green skeins of foliage, delicate and new. Here multitudinous birds were
+chirping their tiny, overwhelming chorus. When at length, across the
+flat suburban spaces, they again sighted Memorial tower, small in the
+distance, the sun was lighting it.
+
+Confronted by this, thoughts of hitherto banished care, and of the
+morrow that was now to-day, and of Philosophy 4 coming in a very
+few hours, might naturally have arisen and darkened the end of their
+pleasant excursion. Not so, however. Memorial tower suggested another
+line of argument. It was Billy who spoke, as his eyes first rested upon
+that eminent pinnacle of Academe.
+
+"Well, John owes me five dollars."
+
+"Ten, you mean."
+
+"Ten? How?"
+
+"Why, her hair. And it was easily worth twenty."
+
+Billy turned his head and looked suspiciously at Bertie. "What did I
+do?" he asked.
+
+"Do! Don't you know?"
+
+Billy in all truth did not.
+
+"Phew!" went Bertie. "Well, I don't, either. Didn't see it. Saw the
+consequences, though. Don't you remember being ready to apologize? What
+do you remember, anyhow?"
+
+Billy consulted his recollections with care: they seemed to break off
+at the champagne. That was early. Bertie was astonished. Did not Billy
+remember singing "Brace up and dress the Countess," and "A noble lord
+the Earl of Leicester"? He had sung them quite in his usual manner,
+conversing freely between whiles. In fact, to see and hear him, no one
+would have suspected--"It must have been that extra silver-fizz you took
+before dinner," said Bertie. "Yes," said Billy; "that's what it must
+have been." Bertie supplied the gap in his memory,--a matter of several
+hours, it seemed. During most of this time Billy had met the demands of
+each moment quite like his usual agreeable self--a sleep-walking state.
+It was only when the hair incident was reached that his conduct had
+noticeably crossed the line. He listened to all this with interest
+intense.
+
+"John does owe me ten, I think," said he.
+
+"I say so," declared Bertie. "When do you begin to remember again?"
+
+"After I got in again at the gate. Why did I get out?"
+
+"You fell out, man."
+
+Billy was incredulous.
+
+"You did. You tore your clothes wide open."
+
+Billy, looking at his trousers, did not see it.
+
+"Rise, and I'll show you," said Bertie.
+
+"Goodness gracious!" said Billy.
+
+Thus discoursing, they reached Harvard Square. Not your Harvard Square,
+gentle reader, that place populous with careless youths and careful
+maidens and reticent persons with books, but one of sleeping windows
+and clear, cool air and few sounds; a Harvard Square of emptiness and
+conspicuous sparrows and milk wagons and early street-car conductors in
+long coats going to their breakfast; and over all this the sweetness of
+the arching elms.
+
+As the gelding turned down toward Pike's, the thin old church clock
+struck. "Always sounds," said Billy, "like cambric tea."
+
+"Cambridge tea," said Bertie.
+
+"Walk close behind me," said Billy, as they came away from the livery
+stable. "Then they won't see the hole."
+
+Bertie did so; but the hole was seen by the street-car conductors and
+the milkmen, and these sympathetic hearts smiled at the sight of the
+marching boys, and loved them without knowing any more of them than
+this. They reached their building and separated.
+
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+
+
+One hour later they met. Shaving and a cold bath and summer flannels,
+not only clean but beautiful, invested them with the radiant innocence
+of flowers. It was still too early for their regular breakfast, and they
+sat down to eggs and coffee at the Holly Tree.
+
+"I waked John up," said Billy. "He is satisfied."
+
+"Let's have another order," said Bertie. "These eggs are delicious."
+Each of them accordingly ate four eggs and drank two cups of coffee.
+
+"Oscar called five times," said Billy; and he threw down those cards
+which Oscar had so neatly written.
+
+"There's multiplicity of the ego for you!" said Bertie.
+
+Now, inspiration is a strange thing, and less obedient even than love
+to the will of man. It will decline to come when you prepare for it with
+the loftiest intentions, and, lo! at an accidental word it will suddenly
+fill you, as at this moment it filled Billy.
+
+"By gum!" said he, laying his fork down. "Multiplicity of the ego. Look
+here. I fall out of a buggy and ask--"
+
+"By gum!" said Bertie, now also visited by inspiration.
+
+"Don't you see?" said Billy.
+
+"I see a whole lot more," said Bertie, with excitement. "I had to tell
+you about your singing." And the two burst into a flare of talk. To hear
+such words as cognition, attention, retention, entity, and identity,
+freely mingled with such other words as silver-fizz and false
+hair, brought John, the egg-and-coffee man, as near surprise as his
+impregnable nature permitted. Thus they finished their large breakfast,
+and hastened to their notes for a last good bout at memorizing
+Epicharmos of Kos and his various brethren. The appointed hour found
+them crossing the college yard toward a door inside which Philosophy 4
+awaited them: three hours of written examination! But they looked more
+roseate and healthy than most of the anxious band whose steps were
+converging to that same gate of judgment. Oscar, meeting them on the
+way, gave them his deferential "Good morning," and trusted that the
+gentlemen felt easy. Quite so, they told him, and bade him feel easy
+about his pay, for which they were, of course, responsible. Oscar wished
+them good luck and watched them go to their desks with his little eyes,
+smiling in his particular manner. Then he dismissed them from his
+mind, and sat with a faint remnant of his smile, fluently writing his
+perfectly accurate answer to the first question upon the examination
+paper.
+
+Here is that paper. You will not be able to answer all the questions,
+probably, but you may be glad to know what such things are like.
+
+
+                         PHILOSOPHY 4
+
+
+1. Thales, Zeno, Parmenides, Heracleitos, Anaxagoras. State briefly the
+doctrine of each.
+
+2. Phenomenon, noumenon. Discuss these terms. Name their modern
+descendants.
+
+3. Thought=Being. Assuming this, state the difference, if any, between
+(1) memory and anticipation; (2) sleep and waking.
+
+4. Democritus, Pythagoras, Bacon. State the relation between them. In
+what terms must the objective world ultimately be stated? Why?
+
+5. Experience is the result of time and space being included in the
+nature of mind. Discuss this.
+
+6. Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensibus. Whose
+doctrine? Discuss it.
+
+7. What is the inherent limitation in all ancient philosophy? Who first
+removed it?
+
+8. Mind is expressed through what? Matter through what? Is speech the
+result or the cause of thought?
+
+9. Discuss the nature of the ego.
+
+10. According to Plato, Locke, Berkeley, where would the sweetness of a
+honeycomb reside? Where would its shape? its weight? Where do you think
+these properties reside?
+
+
+Ten questions, and no Epicharmos of Kos. But no examination paper asks
+everything, and this one did ask a good deal. Bertie and Billy wrote the
+full time allotted, and found that they could have filled an hour more
+without coming to the end of their thoughts. Comparing notes at lunch,
+their information was discovered to have been lacking here and there.
+Nevertheless, it was no failure; their inner convictions were sure of
+fifty per cent at least, and this was all they asked of the gods. "I
+was ripping about the ego," said Bertie. "I was rather splendid myself,"
+said Billy, "when I got going. And I gave him a huge steer about
+memory." After lunch both retired to their beds and fell into sweet
+oblivion until seven o'clock, when they rose and dined, and after
+playing a little poker went to bed again pretty early.
+
+Some six mornings later, when the Professor returned their papers to
+them, their minds were washed almost as clear of Plato and Thales as
+were their bodies of yesterday's dust. The dates and doctrines, hastily
+memorized to rattle off upon the great occasion, lay only upon the
+surface of their minds, and after use they quickly evaporated. To their
+pleasure and most genuine astonishment, the Professor paid them high
+compliments. Bertie's discussion of the double personality had been
+the most intelligent which had come in from any of the class. The
+illustration of the intoxicated hack-driver who had fallen from his hack
+and inquired who it was that had fallen, and then had pitied himself,
+was, said the Professor, as original and perfect an illustration of our
+subjective-objectivity as he had met with in all his researches. And
+Billy's suggestions concerning the inherency of time and space in
+the mind the Professor had also found very striking and independent,
+particularly his reasoning based upon the well-known distortions of time
+and space which hashish and other drugs produce in us. This was the sort
+of thing which the Professor had wanted from his students: free comment
+and discussions, the spirit of the course, rather than any strict
+adherence to the letter. He had constructed his questions to elicit
+as much individual discussion as possible and had been somewhat
+disappointed in his hopes.
+
+Yes, Bertie and Billy were astonished. But their astonishment did not
+equal that of Oscar, who had answered many of the questions in the
+Professor's own language. Oscar received seventy-five per cent for this
+achievement--a good mark. But Billy's mark was eighty-six and Bertie's
+ninety. "There is some mistake," said Oscar to them when they told him;
+and he hastened to the Professor with his tale. "There is no mistake,"
+said the Professor. Oscar smiled with increased deference. "But," he
+urged, "I assure you, sir, those young men knew absolutely nothing. I
+was their tutor, and they knew nothing at all. I taught them all their
+information myself." "In that case," replied the Professor, not pleased
+with Oscar's tale-bearing, "you must have given them more than you could
+spare. Good morning."
+
+Oscar never understood. But he graduated considerably higher than Bertie
+and Billy, who were not able to discover many other courses so favorable
+to "orriginal rresearch" as was Philosophy 4. That is twenty years ago,
+To-day Bertie is treasurer of the New Amsterdam Trust Company, in Wall
+Street; Billy is superintendent of passenger traffic of the New York
+and Chicago Air Line. Oscar is successful too. He has acquired a lot
+of information. His smile is unchanged. He has published a careful work
+entitled "The Minor Poets of Cinquecento," and he writes book reviews
+for the Evening Post.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
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+**The Project Gutenberg Etext of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister**
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+Philosophy 4
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+
+PHILOSOPHY 4
+A STORY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY
+
+BY OWEN WISTER
+
+
+
+
+I
+
+
+
+Two frowning boys sat in their tennis flannels beneath the glare of lamp
+and gas.  Their leather belts were loosened, their soft pink shirts
+unbuttoned at the collar.  They were listening with gloomy voracity to
+the instruction of a third.  They sat at a table bared of its customary
+sporting ornaments, and from time to time they questioned, sucked their
+pencils, and scrawled vigorous, laconic notes.  Their necks and faces
+shone with the bloom of out-of-doors.  Studious concentration was
+evidently a painful novelty to their features.  Drops of perspiration
+came one by one from their matted hair, and their hands dampened the
+paper upon which they wrote.  The windows stood open wide to the May
+darkness, but nothing came in save heat and insects; for spring, being
+behind time, was making up with a sultry burst at the end, as a delayed
+train makes the last few miles high above schedule speed.  Thus it has
+been since eight o'clock.  Eleven was daintily striking now.  Its
+diminutive sonority might have belonged to some church-bell far distant
+across the Cambridge silence; but it was on a shelf in the room,--a
+timepiece of Gallic design, representing Mephistopheles, who caressed
+the world in his lap.  And as the little strokes boomed, eight--nine--
+ten--eleven, the voice of the instructor steadily continued thus:--
+
+"By starting from the Absolute Intelligence, the chief cravings of the
+reason, after unity and spirituality, receive due satisfaction.
+Something transcending the Objective becomes possible.  In the Cogito
+the relation of subject and object is implied as the primary condition
+of all knowledge.  Now, Plato never--"
+
+"Skip Plato," interrupted one of the boys.  "You gave us his points
+yesterday."
+
+"Yep," assented the other, rattling through the back pages of his notes.
+"Got Plato down cold somewhere,--oh, here.  He never caught on to the
+subjective, any more than the other Greek bucks.  Go on to the next
+chappie."
+
+"If you gentlemen have mastered the--the Grreek bucks," observed the
+instructor, with sleek intonation, "we--"
+
+"Yep," said the second tennis boy, running a rapid judicial eye over his
+back notes, "you've put us on to their curves enough.  Go on."
+
+The instructor turned a few pages forward in the thick book of his own
+neat type-written notes and then resumed,--
+
+"The self-knowledge of matter in motion."
+
+"Skip it," put in the first tennis boy.
+
+"We went to those lectures ourselves," explained the second, whirling
+through another dishevelled notebook.  "Oh, yes.  Hobbes and his gang.
+There is only one substance, matter, but it doesn't strictly exist.
+Bodies exist.  We've got Hobbes.  Go on."
+
+The instructor went forward a few pages more in his exhaustive volume.
+He had attended all the lectures but three throughout the year, taking
+them down in short-hand.  Laryngitis had kept him from those three, to
+which however, he had sent a stenographic friend so that the chain was
+unbroken.  He now took up the next philosopher on the list; but his
+smooth discourse was, after a short while, rudely shaken.  It was the
+second tennis boy questioning severely the doctrines imparted.
+
+"So he says color is all your eye, and shape isn't? and substance
+isn't?"
+
+"Do you mean he claims," said the first boy, equally resentful, "that if
+we were all extinguished the world would still be here, only there'd be
+no difference between blue and pink, for instance?"
+
+"The reason is clear," responded the tutor, blandly.  He adjusted his
+eyeglasses, placed their elastic cord behind his ear, and referred to
+his notes.  "It is human sight that distinguishes between colors.  If
+human sight be eliminated from the universe, nothing remains to make the
+distinction, and consequently there will be none.  Thus also is it with
+sounds.  If the universe contains no ear to hear the sound, the sound
+has no existence."
+
+"Why?" said both the tennis boys at once.
+
+The tutor smiled.  "Is it not clear," said he, "that there can be no
+sound if it is not heard!"
+
+"No," they both returned, "not in the least clear."
+
+"It's clear enough what he's driving at of course, "pursued the first
+boy.  "Until the waves of sound or light or what not hit us through our
+senses, our brains don't experience the sensations of sound or light or
+what not, and so, of course, we can't know about them--not until they
+reach us."
+
+"Precisely," said the tutor.  He had a suave and slightly alien accent.
+
+"Well, just tell me how that proves a thunder-storm in a desert island
+makes no noise."
+
+"If a thing is inaudible--" began the tutor,
+
+"That's mere juggling!" vociferated the boy," That's merely the same
+kind of toy-shop brain-trick you gave us out of Greek philosophy
+yesterday, They said there was no such thing as motion because at every
+instant of time the moving body had to be somewhere, so how could it get
+anywhere else?  Good Lord!  I can make up foolishness like that myself.
+For instance: A moving body can never stop.  Why?  Why, because at every
+instant of time it must be going at a certain rate, so how can it ever
+get slower?  Pooh!"  He stopped.  He had been gesticulating with one
+hand, which he now jammed wrathfully into his pocket.
+
+The tutor must have derived great pleasure from his own smile, for he
+prolonged and deepened and variously modified it while his shiny little
+calculating eyes travelled from one to the other of his ruddy scholars.
+He coughed, consulted his notes, and went through all the paces of
+superiority.  "I can find nothing about a body's being unable to stop,"
+said he, gently.  "If logic makes no appeal to you, gentlemen--"
+
+"Oh, bunch!" exclaimed the second tennis boy, in the slang of his
+period, which was the early eighties.  "Look here.  Color has no
+existence outside of our brain - that's the idea?"
+
+The tutor bowed.
+
+"And sound hasn't? and smell hasn't? and taste hasn't?"
+
+The tutor had repeated his little bow after each.
+
+"And that's because they depend on our senses?  Very well.  But he
+claims solidity and shape and distance do exist independently of us.  If
+we all died, they'd he here just the same, though the others wouldn't. A
+flower would go on growing, but it would stop smelling.  Very well. Now
+you tell me how we ascertain solidity.  By the touch, don't we? Then, if
+there was nobody to touch an object, what then?  Seems to me touch is
+just as much of a sense as your nose is." (He meant no personality, but
+the first boy choked a giggle as the speaker hotly followed up his
+thought.)" Seems to me by his reasoning that in a desert island there'd
+be nothing it all--smells or shapes--not even an island. Seems to me
+that's what you call logic."
+
+The tutor directed his smile at the open window.  "Berkeley--" said he.
+
+"By Jove!" said the other boy, not heeding him, "and here's another
+point: if color is entirely in my brain, why don't that ink-bottle and
+this shirt look alike to me?  They ought to.  And why don't a Martini
+cocktail and a cup of coffee taste the same to my tongue?" "Berkeley,"
+attempted the tutor, "demonstrates--"
+
+"Do you mean to say," the boy rushed on, "that there is no eternal
+quality in all these things which when it meets my perceptions compels
+me to see differences?"
+
+The tutor surveyed his notes.  "I can discover no such suggestions here
+as you are pleased to make" said he.  "But your orriginal researches,"
+he continued most obsequiously, "recall our next subject,--Berkeley and
+the Idealists."  And he smoothed out his notes.
+
+"Let's see," said the second boy, pondering; "I went to two or three
+lectures about that time.  Berkeley--Berkeley.  Didn't he--oh, yes!  he
+did.  He went the whole hog.  Nothing's anywhere except in your ideas.
+You think the table's there, but it isn't.  There isn't any table."
+
+The first boy slapped his leg and lighted a cigarette.  "I remember,"
+said he.  "Amounts to this: If I were to stop thinking about you, you'd
+evaporate."
+
+"Which is balls," observed the second boy, judicially, again in the
+slang of his period, "and can be proved so.  For you're not always
+thinking about me, and I've never evaporated once."
+
+The first boy, after a slight wink at the second, addressed the tutor.
+"Supposing you were to happen to forget yourself," said he to that sleek
+gentleman, "would you evaporate?"
+
+The tutor turned his little eyes doubtfully upon the tennis boys, but
+answered, reciting the language of his notes: "The idealistic theory
+does not apply to the thinking ego, but to the world of external
+phenomena.  The world exists in our conception of it.
+
+"Then," said the second boy, "when a thing is inconceivable?"
+
+"It has no existence," replied the tutor, complacently.
+
+"But a billion dollars is inconceivable," retorted the boy.  "No mind
+can take in a sum of that size; but it exists."
+
+"Put that down! put that down!" shrieked the other boy.  "You've struck
+something.  If we get Berkeley on the paper, I'll run that in."  He
+wrote rapidly, and then took a turn around the room, frowning as he
+walked.  "The actuality of a thing," said he, summing his clever
+thoughts up, "is not disproved by its being inconceivable.  Ideas alone
+depend upon thought for their existence.  There!  Anybody can get off
+stuff like that by the yard."  He picked up a cork and a foot-rule,
+tossed the cork, and sent it flying out of the window with the
+foot-rule.
+
+"Skip Berkeley," said the other boy.
+
+"How much more is there?"
+
+"Necessary and accidental truths," answered the tutor, reading the
+subjects from his notes.  "Hume and the causal law.  The duality, or
+multiplicity, of the ego."
+
+"The hard-boiled ego," commented the boy the ruler; and he batted a
+swooping June-bug into space.
+
+"Sit down, idiot," said his sprightly mate."
+
+Conversation ceased.  Instruction went forward.  Their pencils worked.
+The causal law, etc., went into their condensed notes like Liebig's
+extract of beef, and drops of perspiration continued to trickle from
+their matted hair.
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+

+
+Bertie and Billy were sophomores.  They had been alive for twenty years,
+and were young.  Their tutor was also a sophomore.  He too had been
+alive for twenty years, but never yet had become young.  Bertie and
+Billy had colonial names (Rogers, I think, and Schuyler), but the
+tutor's name was Oscar Maironi, and he was charging his pupils five
+dollars an hour each for his instruction.  Do not think this excessive.
+Oscar could have tutored a whole class of irresponsibles, and by that
+arrangement have earned probably more; but Bertie and Billy had
+preempted him on account of his fame or high standing and accuracy, and
+they could well afford it.  All three sophomores alike had happened to
+choose Philosophy 4 as one of their elective courses, and all alike were
+now face to face with the Day of Judgment.  The final examinations had
+begun.  Oscar could lay his hand upon his studious heart and await the
+Day of Judgment like--I had nearly said a Christian!  His notes were
+full: Three hundred pages about Zeno and Parmenides and the rest, almost
+every word as it had come from the professor's lips.  And his memory was
+full, too, flowing like a player's lines.  With the right cue he could
+recite instantly: "An important application of this principle, with
+obvious reference to Heracleitos, occurs in Aristotle, who says--" He
+could do this with the notes anywhere.  I am sure you appreciate Oscar
+and his great power of acquiring facts.  So he was ready, like the wise
+virgins of parable. Bertie and Billy did not put one in mind of virgins:
+although they had burned considerable midnight oil, it had not been to
+throw light upon Philosophy 4.  In them the mere word Heracleitos had
+raised a chill no later than yesterday,--the chill of the unknown.  They
+had not attended the lectures on the "Greek bucks."  Indeed, profiting
+by their privilege of voluntary recitations, they had dropped in but
+seldom on Philosophy 4.  These blithe grasshoppers had danced and sung
+away the precious storing season, and now that the bleak hour of
+examinations was upon them, their waked-up hearts had felt aghast at the
+sudden vision of their ignorance.  It was on a Monday noon that this
+feeling came fully upon them, as they read over the names of the
+philosophers.  Thursday was the day of the examination.  "Who's
+Anaxagoras?"  Billy had inquired of Bertie.  "I'll tell you," said
+Bertie, "if you'll tell me who Epicharmos of Kos was."  And upon this
+they embraced with helpless laughter.  Then they reckoned up the hours
+left for them to learn Epicharmos of Kos in,--between Monday noon and
+Thursday morning at nine,--and their quailing chill increased.  A tutor
+must be called in at once.  So the grasshoppers, having money, sought
+out and quickly purchased the ant.
+
+Closeted with Oscar and his notes, they had, as Bertie put it, salted
+down the early Greek bucks by seven on Monday evening.  By the same
+midnight they had, as Billy expressed it, called the turn on Plato.
+Tuesday was a second day of concentrated swallowing.  Oscar had taken
+them through the thought of many centuries.  There had been
+intermissions for lunch and dinner only; and the weather was exceedingly
+hot.  The pale-skinned Oscar stood this strain better than the
+unaccustomed Bertie and Billy.  Their jovial eyes had grown hollow
+to-night, although their minds were going gallantly, as you have
+probably noticed.  Their criticisms, slangy and abrupt, struck the
+scholastic Oscar as flippancies which he must indulge, since the pay was
+handsome.  That these idlers should jump in with doubts and questions
+not contained in his sacred notes raised in him feelings betrayed just
+once in that remark about "orriginal rresearch."
+
+"Nine--ten--eleven--twelve," went the little timepiece; and Oscar rose.
+
+"Gentlemen," he said, closing the sacred notes, "we have finished the
+causal law."
+
+"That's the whole business except the ego racket, isn't it?" said Billy.
+
+"The duality, or multiplicity of the ego remains," Oscar replied.
+
+"Oh, I know its name.  It ought to be a soft snap after what we've had."
+
+"Unless it's full of dates and names you've got to know," said Bertie.
+
+"Don't believe it is," Billy answered.  "I heard him at it once." (This
+meant that Billy had gone to a lecture lately.) "It's all about Who am
+I? and How do I do it?"  Billy added.
+
+"Hm!" said Bertie.  "Hm!  Subjective and objective again, I suppose,
+only applied to oneself.  You see, that table is objective.  I can stand
+off and judge it.  It's outside of me; has nothing to do with me. That's
+easy.  But my opinion of--well, my--well, anything in my nature--"
+
+"Anger when it's time to get up," suggested Billy.
+
+"An excellent illustration," said Bertie.  "That is subjective in me.
+Similar to your dislike of water as a beverage.  That is subjective in
+you.  But here comes the twist.  I can think of my own anger and judge
+it, just as if it were an outside thing, like a table.  I can compare it
+with itself on different mornings or with other people's anger.  And I
+trust that you can do the same with your thirst."
+
+"Yes," said Billy; "I recognize that it is greater at times and less at
+others."
+
+"Very well, There you are.  Duality of the ego."
+
+"Subject and object," said Billy.  "Perfectly true, and very queer when
+you try to think of it.  Wonder how far it goes?  Of course, one can
+explain the body's being an object to the brain inside it.  That's mind
+and matter over again.  But when my own mind and thought, can become
+objects to themselves--I wonder how far that does go?" he broke off
+musingly.  "What useless stuff!" he ended.
+
+"Gentlemen," said Oscar, who had been listening to them with patient,
+Oriental diversion, "I--"
+
+"Oh," said Bertie, remembering him.  "Look here.  We mustn't keep you
+up. We're awfully obliged for the way you are putting us on to this.
+You're saving our lives.  Ten to-morrow for a grand review of the whole
+course."
+
+"And the multiplicity of the ego?" inquired Oscar.
+
+"Oh, I forgot.  Well, it's too late tonight.  Is it much?  Are there
+many dates and names and things?"
+
+"It is more of a general inquiry and analysis," replied Oscar.  "But it
+is forty pages of my notes."  And he smiled.
+   "Well, look here.  It would be nice to have to-morrow clear for
+review.  We're not tired.  You leave us your notes and go to bed."
+
+Oscar's hand almost moved to cover and hold his precious property, for
+this instinct was the deepest in him.  But it did not so move, because
+his intelligence controlled his instinct nearly, though not quite,
+always.  His shiny little eyes, however, became furtive and
+antagonistic--something the boys did not at first make out.
+
+Oscar gave himself a moment of silence.  "I could not brreak my rule,"
+said he then.  "I do not ever leave my notes with anybody.  Mr.
+Woodridge asked for my History 3 notes, and Mr. Bailey wanted my notes
+for Fine Arts 1, and I could not let them have them.  If Mr. Woodridge
+was to hear--"
+
+"But what in the dickens are you afraid of?"
+
+"Well, gentlemen, I would rather not.  You would take good care, I know,
+but there are sometimes things which happen that we cannot help. One
+time a fire--"
+
+At this racial suggestion both boys made the room joyous with mirth.
+Oscar stood uneasily contemplating them.  He would never be able to
+understand them, not as long as he lived, nor they him.  When their
+mirth Was over he did somewhat better, but it was tardy.  You see, he
+was not a specimen of the first rank, or he would have said at once what
+he said now: "I wish to study my notes a little myself, gentlemen."
+
+"Go along, Oscar, with your inflammable notes, go along!" said Bertie,
+in supreme good-humor.  "And we'll meet to-morrow at ten--if there
+hasn't been a fire--Better keep your notes in the bath, Oscar."
+
+In as much haste as could be made with a good appearance, Oscar buckled
+his volume in its leather cover, gathered his hat and pencil, and,
+bidding his pupils a very good night, sped smoothly out of the room.
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+
+
+Oscar Maironi was very poor.  His thin gray suit in summer resembled his
+thick gray suit in winter.  It does not seem that he had more than two;
+but he had a black coat and waistcoat, and a narrow-brimmed, shiny hat
+to go with these, and one pair of patent-leather shoes that laced, and
+whose long soles curved upward at the toe like the rockers of a
+summer-hotel chair.  These holiday garments served him in all seasons;
+and when you saw him dressed in them, and seated in a car bound for Park
+Square, you knew he was going into Boston, where he would read
+manuscript essays on Botticelli or Pico della Mirandola, or manuscript
+translations of Armenian folksongs; read these to ecstatic, dim-eyed
+ladies in Newbury Street, who would pour him cups of tea when it was
+over, and speak of his earnestness after he was gone.  It did not do the
+ladies any harm; but I am not sure that it was the best thing for Oscar.
+It helped him feel every day, as he stepped along to recitations with
+his elbow clamping his books against his ribs and his heavy black curls
+bulging down from his gray slouch hat to his collar, how meritorious he
+was compared with Bertie and Billy--with all Berties and Billies.  He
+may have been.  Who shall say?  But I will say at once that chewing the
+cud of one's own virtue gives a sour stomach.
+
+Bertie's and Billy's parents owned town and country houses in New York.
+The parents of Oscar had come over in the steerage.  Money filled the
+pockets of Bertie and Billy; therefore were their heads empty of money
+and full of less cramping thoughts.  Oscar had fallen upon the reverse
+of this fate.  Calculation was his second nature.  He had given his
+education to himself; he had for its sake toiled, traded, outwitted, and
+saved.  He had sent himself to college, where most of the hours not
+given to education and more education, went to toiling and more toiling,
+that he might pay his meagre way through the college world.  He had a
+cheaper room and ate cheaper meals than was necessary.  He tutored, and
+he wrote college specials for several newspapers.  His chief relaxation
+was the praise of the ladies in Newbury Street.  These told him of the
+future which awaited him, and when they gazed upon his features were put
+in mind of the dying Keats.  Not that Oscar was going to die in the
+least.  Life burned strong in him.  There were sly times when he took
+what he had saved by his cheap meals and room and went to Boston with
+it, and for a few hours thoroughly ceased being ascetic.  Yet Oscar felt
+meritorious when he considered Bertie and Billy; for, like the
+socialists, merit with him meant not being able to live as well as your
+neighbor.  You will think that I have given to Oscar what is familiarly
+termed a black eye.  But I was once inclined to applaud his struggle for
+knowledge, until I studied him close and perceived that his love was not
+for the education he was getting.  Bertie and Billy loved play for
+play's own sake, and in play forgot themselves, like the wholesome young
+creatures that they were.  Oscar had one love only: through all his days
+whatever he might forget, he would remember himself; through all his
+days he would make knowledge show that self off.  Thank heaven, all the
+poor students in Harvard College were not Oscars!  I loved some of them
+as much as I loved Bertie and Billy.  So there is no black eye about it.
+Pity Oscar, if you like; but don't be so mushy as to admire him as he
+stepped along in the night, holding his notes, full of his knowledge,
+thinking of Bertie and Billy, conscious of virtue, and smiling his
+smile.  They were not conscious of any virtue, were Bertie and Billy,
+nor were they smiling.  They were solemnly eating up together a box of
+handsome strawberries and sucking the juice from their reddened thumbs.
+
+"Rather mean not to make him wait and have some of these after his hard
+work on us," said Bertie.  "I'd forgotten about them--"
+
+"He ran out before you could remember, anyway," said Billy.
+
+"Wasn't he absurd about his old notes?  "Bertie went on, a new
+strawberry in his mouth.  "We don't need them, though.  With to-morrow
+we'll get this course down cold."
+
+"Yes, to-morrow," sighed Billy.  "It's awful to think of another day of
+this kind."
+
+"Horrible," assented Bertie.
+
+"He knows a lot.  He's extraordinary," said Billy.
+
+"Yes, he is.  He can talk the actual words of the notes.  Probably he
+could teach the course himself.  I don't suppose he buys any
+strawberries, even when they get ripe and cheap here.  What's the matter
+with you?"
+
+Billy had broken suddenly into merriment.  "I don't believe Oscar owns a
+bath," he explained.
+
+"By Jove! so his notes will burn in spite of everything!"  And both of
+the tennis boys shrieked foolishly.
+
+Then Billy began taking his clothes off, strewing them in the
+window-seat, or anywhere that they happened to drop; and Bertie, after
+hitting another cork or two out of the window with the tennis racket,
+departed to his own room on another floor and left Billy to immediate
+and deep slumber.  This was broken for a few moments when Billy's
+room-mate returned happy from an excursion which had begun in the
+morning.
+
+The room-mate sat on Billy's feet until that gentleman showed
+consciousness.
+
+"I've done it, said the room-mate, then.
+
+"The hell you have!"
+
+"You couldn't do it."
+
+"The hell I couldn't!"
+
+"Great dinner."
+
+"The hell it was!"
+
+"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, rum omelette.  Bet you five dollars you can't find it."
+
+"Take you.  Got to bed."  And Billy fell again into deep, immediate
+slumber.
+
+The room-mate went out into the sitting room, and noting the signs there
+of the hard work which had gone on during his absence, was glad that he
+did not take Philosophy 4.  He was soon asleep also.
+
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+
+
+Billy got up early.  As he plunged into his cold bath he envied his
+room-mate, who could remain at rest indefinitely, while his own hard lot
+was hurrying him to prayers and breakfast and Oscar's inexorable notes.
+He sighed once more as he looked at the beauty of the new morning and
+felt its air upon his cheeks.  He and Bertie belonged to the same
+club-table, and they met there mournfully over the oatmeal.  This very
+hour to-morrow would see them eating their last before the examination
+in Philosophy 4.  And nothing pleasant was going to happen
+between,--nothing that they could dwell upon with the slightest
+satisfaction.  Nor had their sleep entirely refreshed them.  Their eyes
+were not quite right, and their hair, though it was brushed, showed
+fatigue of the nerves in a certain inclination to limpness and disorder.
+
+
+    "Epicharmos of Kos
+    Was covered with moss,"
+
+remarked Billy.
+
+
+    "Thales and Zeno
+    Were duffers at keno,"
+
+added Bertie.
+
+In the hours of trial they would often express their education thus.
+
+"Philosophers I have met," murmured Billy, with scorn And they ate
+silently for some time.
+
+"There's one thing that's valuable," said Bertie next.  "When they
+spring those tricks on you about the flying arrow not moving, and all
+the rest, and prove it all right by logic, you learn what pure logic
+amounts to when it cuts loose from common sense.  And Oscar thinks it's
+immense. We shocked him."
+
+"He's found the Bird-in-Hand!" cried Billy, quite suddenly.
+
+"Oscar?" said Bertie, with an equal shout.
+
+"No, John.  John has.  Came home last night and waked me up and told
+me."
+
+"Good for John," remarked Bertie, pensively.
+
+Now, to the undergraduate mind of that day the Bird-in-Hand tavern was
+what the golden fleece used to be to the Greeks,-- a sort of shining,
+remote, miraculous thing, difficult though not impossible to find, for
+which expeditions were fitted out.  It was reported to be somewhere in
+the direction of Quincy, and in one respect it resembled a ghost: you
+never saw a man who had seen it himself; it was always his cousin, or
+his elder brother in '79.  But for the successful explorer a dinner and
+wines were waiting at the Bird-in-Hand more delicious than anything
+outside of Paradise.  You will realize, therefore, what a thing it was
+to have a room-mate who had attained.  If Billy had not been so
+dog-tired last night, he would have sat up and made John tell him
+everything from beginning to end.
+
+"Soft-shell crabs, broiled live lobster, salmon, grass-plover,
+dough-birds, and rum omelette," he was now reciting to Bertie.
+
+"They say the rum there is old Jamaica brought in slave-ships," said
+Bertie, reverently.
+
+"I've heard he has white port of 1820," said Billy; "and claret and
+champagne."
+
+Bertie looked out of the window.  "This is the finest day there's been,"
+said he.  Then he looked at his watch.  It was twenty-five minutes
+before Oscar.  Then he looked Billy hard in the eye.  "Have you any
+sand?" he inquired.
+
+It was a challenge to Billy's manhood.  "Sand!" he yelled, sitting up.
+
+Both of them in an instant had left the table and bounded out of the
+house.  "I'll meet you at Pike's," said Billy to Bertie.  "Make him give
+us the black gelding."
+
+"Might as well bring our notes along," Bertie called after his rushing
+friend; "and get John to tell you the road."
+
+To see their haste, as the two fled in opposite directions upon their
+errands, you would have supposed them under some crying call of
+obligation, or else to be escaping from justice.
+
+Twenty minutes later they were seated behind the black gelding and bound
+on their journey in search of the bird-in-Hand.  Their notes in
+Philosophy 4 were stowed under the buggy-seat.
+
+"Did Oscar see you?"  Bertie inquired.
+
+"Not he," cried Billy, joyously.
+
+"Oscar will wonder," said Bertie; and he gave the black gelding a
+triumphant touch with the whip.
+
+You see, it was Oscar that had made them run go; or, rather, it was Duty
+and Fate walking in Oscar's displeasing likeness.  Nothing easier,
+nothing more reasonable, than to see the tutor and tell him they should
+not need him to-day.  But that would have spoiled everything.  They did
+not know it, but deep in their childlike hearts was a delicious sense
+that in thus unaccountably disappearing they had won a great game, had
+got away ahead of Duty and Fate.  After all it did bear some resemblance
+to an escape from justice.            .
+
+Could he have known this, Oscar would have felt more superior than ever.
+Punctually at the hour agreed, ten o'clock he rapped at Billy's door and
+stood waiting, his leather wallet of notes nipped safe between elbow and
+ribs.  Then he knocked again.  Then he tried the door, and as it was
+open, he walked deferentially into the sitting room.  Sonorous snores
+came from one of the bedrooms.  Oscar peered in and saw John; but he saw
+no Billy in the other bed.  Then, always deferential, he sat down in the
+sitting room and watched a couple of prettily striped coats hanging in a
+half-open closet.
+
+At that moment the black gelding was flirtatiously crossing the
+drawbridge over the Charles on the Allston Road.  The gelding knew the
+clank of those suspending chains and the slight unsteadiness of the
+meeting halves of the bridge as well as it knew oats.  But it could not
+enjoy its own entirely premeditated surprise quite so much as Bertie and
+Billy were enjoying their entirely unpremeditated flight from Oscar. The
+wind rippled on the water; down at the boat-house Smith was helping some
+one embark in a single scull; they saw the green meadows toward
+Brighton; their foreheads felt cool and unvexed, and each new minute had
+the savor of fresh forbidden fruit.
+
+"How do we go?" said Bertie.
+
+"I forgot I had a bet with John until I had waked him," said Billy.  "He
+bet me five last night I couldn't find it, and I took him.  Of course,
+after that I had no right to ask him anything, and he thought I was
+funny.  He said I couldn't find out if the landlady's hair was her own.
+I went him another five on that."
+
+"How do you say we ought to go?" said Bertie, presently.
+
+"Quincy, I'm sure."
+
+They were now crossing the Albany tracks at Allston.  "We're going to
+get there," said Bertie; and he turned the black gelding toward
+Brookline and Jamaica Plain.
+
+The enchanting day surrounded them.  The suburban houses, even the
+suburban street-cars, seemed part of one great universal plan of
+enjoyment.  Pleasantness so radiated from the boys' faces and from their
+general appearance of clean white flannel trousers and soft clean shirts
+of pink and blue that a driver on a passing car leaned to look after
+them with a smile and a butcher hailed them with loud brotherhood from
+his cart.  They turned a corner, and from a long way off came the sight
+of the tower of Memorial Hall.  Plain above all intervening tenements
+and foliage it rose.  Over there beneath its shadow were examinations
+and Oscar.  It caught Billy's roving eye, and he nudged Bertie, pointing
+silently to it.  "Ha, ha!" sang Bertie.  And beneath his light whip the
+gelding sprang forward into its stride.
+
+
+The clocks of Massachusetts struck eleven.  Oscar rose doubtfully from
+his chair in Billy's study.  Again he looked into Billy's bedroom and at
+the empty bed.  Then he went for a moment and watched the still forcibly
+sleeping John.  He turned his eyes this way and that, and after standing
+for a while moved quietly back to his chair and sat down with the
+leather wallet of notes on his lap, his knees together, and his
+unblocked shoes touching.  In due time the clocks of Massachusetts
+struck noon.
+
+
+In a meadow where a brown amber stream ran, lay Bertie and Billy on the
+grass.  Their summer coats were off, their belts loosened.  They watched
+with eyes half closed the long water-weeds moving gently as the current
+waved and twined them.  The black gelding, brought along a farm road and
+through a gate, waited at its ease in the field beside a stone wall. Now
+and then it stretched and cropped a young leaf from a vine that grew
+over the wall, and now and then the want wind brought down the fruit
+blossoms all over the meadow.  They fell from the tree where Bertie and
+Billy lay, and the boys brushed them from their faces.  Not very far
+away was Blue Hill, softly shining; and crows high up in the air came
+from it occasionally across here.
+
+By one o'clock a change had come in Billy's room.  Oscar during that
+hour had opened his satchel of philosophy upon his lap and read his
+notes attentively.  Being almost word perfect in many parts of them, he
+now spent his unexpected leisure in acquiring accurately the language of
+still further paragraphs."  The sharp line of demarcation which
+Descartes drew between consciousness and the material world," whispered
+Oscar with satisfaction, and knew that if Descartes were on the
+examination paper he could start with this and go on for nearly twenty
+lines before he would have to use any words of his own.  As he
+memorized, the chambermaid, who had come to do the bedrooms three times
+already and had gone away again, now returned and no longer restrained
+her indignation.  "Get up Mr. Blake! " she vociferated to the sleeping
+John; "you ought to be ashamed!"  And she shook the bedstead.  Thus John
+had come to rise and discover Oscar.  The patient tutor explained
+himself as John listened in his pyjamas.
+
+"Why, I'm sorry," said he, "but I don't believe they'll get back very
+soon."
+
+"They have gone away?" asked Oscar, sharply.
+
+"Ah--yes," returned the reticent John.  "An unexpected matter of
+importance."
+
+"But, my dear sir, those gentlemen know nothing!  Philosophy 4 is
+tomorrow, and they know nothing."
+
+"They'll have to stand it, then," said John, with a grin.
+
+"And my time.  I am waiting here.  I am engaged to teach them.  I have
+been waiting here since ten.  They engaged me all day and this evening.
+
+"I don't believe there's the slightest use in your waiting now, you
+know.  They'll probably let you know when they come back."
+
+"Probably!  But they have engaged my time.  The girl knows I was here
+ready at ten.  I call you to witness that you found me waiting, ready at
+any time."
+
+John in his pyjamas stared at Oscar.  "Why, of course they'll pay you
+the whole thing," said he, coldly; "stay here if you prefer."  And he
+went into the bathroom and closed the door.
+
+The tutor stood awhile, holding his notes and turning his little eyes
+this way and that.  His young days had been dedicated to getting the
+better of his neighbor, because otherwise his neighbor would get the
+better of him.  Oscar had never suspected the existence of boys like
+John and Bertie and Billy.  He stood holding his notes, and then,
+buckling them up once more, he left the room with evidently reluctant
+steps.  It was at this time that the clocks struck one.
+
+
+In their field among the soft new grass sat Bertie and Billy some ten
+yards apart, each with his back against an apple tree.  Each had his
+notes and took his turn at questioning the other.  Thus the names of the
+Greek philosophers with their dates and doctrines were shouted gayly in
+the meadow.  The foreheads of the boys were damp to-day, as they had
+been last night, and their shirts were opened to the air; but it was the
+sun that made them hot now, and no lamp or gas; and already they looked
+twice as alive as they had looked at breakfast.  There they sat, while
+their memories gripped the summarized list of facts essential, facts to
+be known accurately; the simple, solid, raw facts, which, should they
+happen to come on the examination paper, no skill could evade nor any
+imagination supply.  But this study was no longer dry and dreadful to
+them: they had turned it to a sporting event.  "What about Heracleitos?"
+Billy as catechist would put at Bertie.  "Eternal flux," Bertie would
+correctly snap back at Billy.  Or, if he got it mixed up, and replied,
+"Everything is water," which was the doctrine of another Greek, then
+Billy would credit himself with twenty-five cents on a piece of paper.
+Each ran a memorandum of this kind; and you can readily see how spirited
+a character metaphysics would assume under such conditions.
+
+"I'm going in," said Bertie, suddenly, as Billy was crediting himself
+with a fifty-cent gain.  "What's your score?"
+
+"Two seventy-five, counting your break on Parmenides.  It'II be cold."
+
+"No, it won't.  Well, I'm only a quarter behind you."  And Bertie puffed
+off his shoes.  Soon he splashed into the stream where the bend made a
+hole of some depth.
+
+"Cold?" inquired Billy on the bank.  Bertie closed his eyes dreamily.
+"Delicious," said he, and sank luxuriously beneath the surface with slow
+strokes.
+
+Billy had his clothes off in a moment, and, taking the plunge, screamed
+loudly "You liar!" he yelled, as he came up.  And he made for Bertie.
+
+Delight rendered Bertie weak and helpless; he was caught and ducked; and
+after some vigorous wrestling both came out of the icy water.
+
+"Now we've got no towels, you fool," said Billy.
+
+"Use your notes," said Bertie, and he rolled in the grass.  Then they
+chased each other round the apple trees, and the black gelding watched
+them by the wall, its ears well forward.
+
+While they were dressing they discovered it was half-past one, and
+became instantly famished.  "We should have brought lunch along," they
+told each other.  But they forgot that no such thing as lunch could have
+induced them to delay their escape from Cambridge for a moment this
+morning.  "What do you suppose Oscar is doing now?"  Billy inquired of
+Bertie, as they led the black gelding back to the road; and Bertie
+laughed like an infant.  "Gentlemen," said he, in Oscar's manner, "we
+now approach the multiplicity of the ego."  The black gelding must have
+thought it had humorists to deal with this day.
+
+
+Oscar, as a matter of fact, was eating his cheap lunch away over in
+Cambridge.  There was cold mutton, and boiled potatoes with hard brown
+spots in them, and large picked cucumbers; and the salt was damp and
+would not shake out through the holes in the top of the bottle.  But
+Oscar ate two helps of everything with a good appetite, and between
+whiles looked at his notes, which lay open beside him on the table.  At
+the stroke of two he was again knocking at his pupils' door.  But no
+answer came.  John had gone away somewhere for indefinite hours and the
+door was locked.  So Oscar wrote: "Called, two p.m.," on a scrap of
+envelope, signed his name, and put it through the letter-slit.  It
+crossed his mind to hunt other pupils for his vacant time, but he
+decided against this at once, and returned to his own room.  Three
+o'clock found him back at the door, knocking scrupulously, The idea of
+performing his side of the contract, of tendering his goods and standing
+ready at all times to deliver them, was in his commercially mature mind.
+This time he had brought a neat piece of paper with him, and wrote upon
+it, "Called, three P.M.," and signed it as before, and departed to his
+room with a sense of fulfilled obligations.
+
+
+Bertie and Billy had lunched at Mattapan quite happily on cold ham, cold
+pie, and doughnuts.  Mattapan, not being accustomed to such lilies of
+the field, stared at their clothes and general glory, but observed that
+they could eat the native bill-of-fare as well as anybody.  They found
+some good, cool beer, moreover, and spoke to several people of the
+Bird-in-Hand, and got several answers: for instance, that the
+Bird-in-Hand was at Hingham; that it was at Nantasket; that they had
+better inquire for it at South Braintree; that they had passed it a mile
+back; and that there was no such place.  If you would gauge the
+intelligence of our population, inquire your way in a rural
+neighborhood.  With these directions they took up their journey after an
+hour and a half,--a halt made chiefly for the benefit of the black
+gelding, whom they looked after as much as they did themselves.  For a
+while they discussed club matters seriously, as both of them were
+officers of certain organizations, chosen so on account of their
+recognized executive gifts.  These questions settled, they resumed the
+lighter theme of philosophy, and made it (as Billy observed) a  near
+thing for the Causal law.  But as they drove along, their minds left
+this topic on the abrupt discovery that the sun was getting down out of
+the sky, and they asked each other where they were and what they should
+do. They pulled up at some cross-roads and debated this with growing
+uneasiness.  Behind them lay the way to Cambridge, - not very clear, to
+be sure; but you could always go where you had come from, Billy seemed
+to think.  He asked, "How about Cambridge and a little Oscar to finish
+off with?"  Bertie frowned.  This would be failure.  Was Billy willing
+to go back and face John the successful?
+
+"It would only cost me five dollars," said Billy.
+
+"Ten," Bertie corrected.  He recalled to Billy the matter about the
+landlady's hair.
+
+"By Jove, that's so!" cried Billy, brightening.  It seemed conclusive.
+But he grew cloudy again the next moment.  He was of opinion that one
+could go too far in a thing.
+
+"Where's your sand?" said Bertie.
+
+Billy made an unseemly rejoinder, but even in the making was visited by
+inspiration.  He saw the whole thing as it really was.  "By Jove!" said
+he, "we couldn't get back in time for dinner."
+
+"There's my bonny boy!" said Bertie, with pride; and he touched up the
+black gelding.  Uneasiness had left both of them.  Cambridge was
+manifestly impossible; an error in judgment; food compelled them to seek
+the Bird-in-Hand.  "We'll try Quincy, anyhow," Bertie said.  Billy
+suggested that they inquire of people on the road.  This provided a new
+sporting event: they could bet upon the answers.  Now, the roads, not
+populous at noon, had grown solitary in the sweetness of the long
+twilight.  Voices of birds there were; and little, black, quick brooks,
+full to the margin grass, shot under the roadway through low bridges.
+Through the web of young foliage the sky shone saffron, and frogs piped
+in the meadow swamps.  No cart or carriage appeared, however, and the
+bets languished.  Bertie, driving with one hand, was buttoning his coat
+with the other, when the black gelding leaped from the middle of the
+road to the turf and took to backing.  The buggy reeled; but the driver
+was skilful, and fifteen seconds of whip and presence of mind brought it
+out smoothly.  Then the cause of all this spoke to them from a gate.
+
+"Come as near spillin' as you boys wanted, I guess," remarked the cause.
+
+They looked, and saw him in huge white shirt-sleeves, shaking with
+joviality.  "If you kep' at it long enough you might a-most learn to
+drive a horse," he continued, eying Bertie.  This came as near direct
+praise as the true son of our soil--Northern or Southern--often thinks
+well of.  Bertie was pleased, but made a modest observation, and "Are we
+near the tavern?" he asked.  "Bird-in-Hand!" the son of the soil echoed;
+and he contemplated them from his gate.  That's me," he stated,  with
+complacence.  "Bill Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand has been me since April,
+'65."  His massy hair had been yellow, his broad body must have weighed
+two hundred and fifty pounds, his face was canny, red, and somewhat
+clerical, resembling Henry Ward Beecher's.
+
+"Trout," he said, pointing to a basket by the gate.  "For your dinner.
+"Then he climbed heavily but skilfully down and picked up the basket and
+a rod.  "Folks round here say," said he, "that there ain't no more trout
+up them meadows.  They've been a-sayin' that since '74; and I've been
+a-sayin' it myself, when judicious."  Here he shook slightly and opened
+the basket.  "Twelve," he said.  "Sixteen yesterday.  Now you go along
+and turn in the first right-hand turn, and I'll be up with you soon.
+Maybe you might make room for the trout."  Room for him as well, they
+assured him; they were in luck to find him, they explained.  "Well, I
+guess I'll trust my neck with you," he said to Bertie, the skillful
+driver; "'tain't five minutes' risk."  The buggy leaned, and its springs
+bent as he climbed in, wedging his mature bulk between their slim
+shapes.  The gelding looked round the shaft at them.  "Protestin', are
+you?" he said to it.  "These light-weight stoodents spile you!"  So the
+gelding went on, expressing, however, by every line of its body, a sense
+of outraged justice.  The boys related their difficult search, and
+learned that any mention of the name of Diggs would have brought them
+straight.  "Bill Higgs of the Bird-in-Hand was my father, and my
+grandf'ther, and his father; and has been me sence I come back from the
+war and took the business in '65.  I'm not commonly to be met out this
+late.  About fifteen minutes earlier is my time for gettin' back, unless
+I'm plannin' for a jamboree.  But to-night I got to settin' and watchin'
+that sunset, and listenin' to a darned red-winged blackbird, and I guess
+Mrs. Higgs has decided to expect me somewheres about noon to-morrow or
+Friday. Say, did Johnnie send you?  "When he found that John had in a
+measure been responsible for their journey, he filled with gayety.  "Oh,
+Johnnie's a bird!" said he.  "He's that demure on first appearance.
+Walked in last evening and wanted dinner.  Did he tell you what he ate?
+Guess he left out what he drank.  Yes, he's demure."
+
+You might suppose that upon their landlord's safe and sober return
+fifteen minutes late, instead of on the expected noon of Thursday or
+Friday, their landlady would show signs of pleasure; but Mrs. Diggs from
+the porch threw an uncordial eye at the three arriving in the buggy.
+Here were two more like Johnnie of last night.  She knew them by the
+clothes they wore and by the confidential tones of her husband's voice
+as he chatted to them.  He had been old enough to know better for twenty
+years.  But for twenty years he had taken the same extreme joy in the
+company of Johnnies, and they were bad for his health.  Her final proof
+that they belonged to this hated breed was when Mr. Diggs thumped the
+trout down on the porch, and after briefly remarking, "Half of 'em
+boiled, and half broiled with bacon," himself led away the gelding to
+the stable instead of intrusting it to his man Silas.
+
+"You may set in the parlor," said Mrs. Diggs, and departed stiffly with
+the basket of trout.
+
+"It's false," said Billy, at once.
+
+Bertie did not grasp his thought.
+
+"Her hair," said Billy.  And certainly it was an unusual-looking
+arrangement.
+
+Presently, as they sat near a parlor organ in the presence of earnest
+family portraits, Bertie made a new poem for Billy,--
+
+     "Said Aristotle unto Plato,
+    'Have another sweet potato? '"
+
+And Billy responded, -
+
+    "Said Plato unto Aristotle,
+    'Thank you, I prefer the bottle.'"
+
+"In here, are you?" said their beaming host at the door.  "Now, I think
+you'd find my department of the premises cosier, so to speak."  He
+nudged Bertie.  "Do you boys guess it's too early in the season for a
+silver-fizz?"
+
+
+We must not wholly forget Oscar in Cambridge.  During the afternoon he
+had not failed in his punctuality; two more neat witnesses to this lay
+on the door-mat beneath the letter-slit of Billy's room, And at the
+appointed hour after dinner a third joined them, making five.  John
+found these cards when he came home to go to bed, and picked them up and
+stuck them ornamentally in Billy's looking-glass, as a greeting when
+Billy should return, The eight o'clock visit was the last that Oscar
+paid to the locked door, He remained through the evening in his own
+room, studious, contented, unventilated, indulging in his thick notes,
+and also in the thought of Billy's and Bertie's eleventh-hour
+scholarship, "Even with another day," he told himself, "those young men
+could not have got fifty per cent," In those times this was the passing
+mark. To-day I believe you get an A, or a B, or some other letter
+denoting your rank.  In due time Oscar turned out his gas and got into
+his bed ; and the clocks of Massachusetts struck midnight.
+
+Mrs. Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had retired at eleven, furious with rage,
+but firm in dignity in spite of a sudden misadventure.  Her hair, being
+the subject of a sporting event, had remained steadily fixed in Billy's
+mind,--steadily fixed throughout an entertainment which began at an
+early hour to assume the features of a celebration.  One silver-fizz
+before dinner is nothing; but dinner did not come at once, and the boys
+were thirsty.  The hair of Mrs. Diggs had caught Billy's eye again
+immediately upon her entrance to inform them that the meal was ready;
+and whenever she reentered with a new course from the kitchen, Billy's
+eye wandered back to it, although Mr. Diggs had become full of anecdotes
+about the Civil War.  It was partly Grecian: a knot stood out behind to
+a considerable distance.  But this was not the whole plan. From front to
+back ran a parting, clear and severe, and curls fell from this to the
+temples in a manner called, I believe, by the enlightened, a l'Anne
+d'Autriche.  The color was  gray, to be sure; but this propriety did not
+save the structure from Billy's increasing observation.  As bottles came
+to stand on the table in greater numbers, the closer and the more
+solemnly did Billy continue to follow the movements of Mrs. Diggs.  They
+would without doubt have noticed him and his foreboding gravity but for
+Mr. Diggs's experiences in the Civil War.
+
+The repast was finished--so far as eating went.  Mrs. Diggs with
+changeless dudgeon was removing and washing the dishes.  At the
+revellers' elbows stood the 1820 port in its fine, fat, old, dingy
+bottle, going pretty fast.  Mr. Diggs was nearing the end of Antietam."
+That morning of the 18th, while McClellan was holdin' us squattin' and
+cussin'," he was saying to Bertie, when some sort of shuffling sound in
+the corner caught their attention.  We can never know how it happened.
+Billy ought to know, but does not, and Mrs. Diggs allowed no subsequent
+reference to the casualty.  But there she stood with her entire hair at
+right angles.  The Grecian knot extended above her left ear, and her
+nose stuck through one set of Anne d'Autriche.  Beside her Billy stood,
+solemn as a stone, yet with a sort of relief glazed upon his face.
+
+Mr. Diggs sat straight up at the vision of his spouse.  "Flouncing
+Florence!" was his exclamation.  "Gee-whittaker, Mary, if you ain't the
+most unmitigated sight!"  And wind then left him.
+
+Mary's reply arrived in tones like a hornet stinging slowly and often.
+"Mr. Diggs, I have put up with many things, and am expecting to put up
+with many more.  But you'd behave better if you consorted with
+gentlemen."
+
+The door slammed and she was gone.  Not a word to either of the boys,
+not even any notice of them.  It was thorough, and silence consequently
+held them for a moment.
+
+"He didn't mean anything," said Bertie, growing partially responsible.
+
+"Didn't mean anything," repeated Billy, like a lesson.
+
+"I'll take him and he'll apologize," Bertie pursued, walking over to
+Billy.
+
+"He'll apologize," went Billy, like a cheerful piece of mechanism.
+Responsibility was still quite distant from him.
+
+Mr. Diggs got his wind back.  "Better not," he advised in something near
+a whisper.  "Better not go after her.  Her father was a fightin'
+preacher, and she's--well, begosh! she's a chip of the old pulpit."  And
+he rolled his eye towards the door.  Another door slammed somewhere
+above, and they gazed at each other, did Bertie and Mr. Diggs.  Then Mr.
+Diggs, still gazing at Bertie, beckoned to him with a speaking eye and a
+crooked finger; and as he beckoned, Bertie approached like a conspirator
+and sat down close to him.  "Begosh!" whispered Mr. Diggs.
+"Unmitigated." And at this he and Bertie laid their heads down on the
+table and rolled about in spasms.
+
+Billy from his corner seemed to become aware of them.  With his eye
+fixed upon them like a statue, he came across the room, and, sitting
+down near them with formal politeness, observed, "Was you ever to the
+battle of Antietam?"  This sent them beyond the limit; and they rocked
+their heads on the table and wept as if they would expire.
+
+Thus the three remained, during what space of time is not known: the two
+upon the table, convalescent with relapses, and Billy like a seated
+idol, unrelaxed at his vigil.  The party was seen through the windows by
+Silas, coming from the stable to inquire if the gelding should not be
+harnessed.  Silas leaned his face to the pane, and envy spoke plainly in
+it.  "O my!  O my!" he mentioned aloud to himself.  So we have the whole
+household: Mrs. Diggs reposing scornfully in an upper chamber; all parts
+of the tavern darkened, save the one lighted room; the three inside that
+among their bottles, with the one outside looking covetously in at them;
+and the gelding stamping in the stable.
+
+But Silas, since he could not share, was presently of opinion that this
+was enough for one sitting, and he tramped heavily upon the porch. This
+brought Bertie back to the world of reality, and word was given to fetch
+the gelding.  The host was in no mood to part with them, and spoke of
+comfortable beds and breakfast as early as they liked; but Bertie had
+become entirely responsible.  Billy was helped in, Silas was liberally
+thanked, and they drove away beneath the stars, leaving behind them
+golden opinions, and a host who decided not to disturb his helpmate by
+retiring to rest in their conjugal bed.
+
+Bertie had forgotten, but the playful gelding had not.  When they came
+abreast of that gate where Diggs of the Bird-in-Hand had met them at
+sunset, Bertie was only aware that a number of things had happened at
+once, and that he had stopped the horse after about twenty yards of
+battle.  Pride filled him, but emptied away in the same instant, for a
+voice on the road behind him spoke inquiringly through the darkness.
+
+"Did any one fall out?" said the voice.  "Who fell out?"
+
+"Billy!" shrieked Bertie, cold all over.  "Billy, are you hurt "
+
+"Did Billy fall out?" said the voice, with plaintive cadence.  "Poor
+Billy!"
+
+"He can't be," muttered Bertie.  "Are you?" he loudly repeated.
+
+There was no answer: but steps came along the road as Bertie checked and
+pacified the gelding.  Then Billy appeared by the wheel.  "Poor Billy
+fell out," he said mildly.  He held something up, which Bertie took.  It
+had been Billy's straw hat, now a brimless fabric of ruin.  Except for
+smirches and one inexpressible rent which dawn revealed to Bertie a
+little later, there were no further injuries, and Billy got in and took
+his seat quite competently.
+
+Bertie drove the gelding with a firm hand after this.  They passed
+through the cool of the unseen meadow swamps, and heard the sound of the
+hollow bridges as they crossed them, and now and then the gulp of some
+pouring brook.  They went by the few lights of Mattapan, seeing from
+some points on their way the beacons of the harbor, and again the
+curving line of lamps that drew the outline of some village built upon a
+hill. Dawn showed them Jamaica Pond, smooth and breezeless, and
+encircled with green skeins of foliage, delicate and new.  Here
+multitudinous birds were chirping their tiny, overwhelming chorus.  When
+at length, across the flat suburban spaces, they again sighted Memorial
+tower, small in the distance, the sun was lighting it.
+
+Confronted by this, thoughts of hitherto banished care, and of the
+morrow that was now to-day, and of Philosophy 4 coming in a very few
+hours, might naturally have arisen and darkened the end of their
+pleasant excursion.  Not so, however.  Memorial tower suggested another
+line of argument.  It was Billy who spoke, as his eyes first rested upon
+that eminent pinnacle of Academe.
+
+"Well, John owes me five dollars."
+
+"Ten, you mean."
+
+"Ten?  How?"
+
+"Why, her hair.  And it was easily worth twenty."
+
+Billy turned his head and looked suspiciously at Bertie.  "What did I
+do?" he asked.
+
+"Do!  Don't you know?"
+
+Billy in all truth did not,
+
+"Phew!" went Bertie.  "Well, I don't, either.  Didn't see it.  Saw the
+consequences, though.  Don't you remember being ready to apologize? What
+do you remember, anyhow?"
+
+Billy consulted his recollections with care: they seemed to break off at
+the champagne.  That was early.  Bertie was astonished.  Did not Billy
+remember singing "Brace up and dress the Countess," and "A noble lord
+the Earl of Leicester"?  He had sung them quite in his usual manner,
+conversing freely between whiles.  In fact, to see and hear him, no one
+would have suspected-- "It must have been that extra silver-fizz you
+took before dinner," said Bertie.  "Yes," said Billy;" that's what it
+must have been."  Bertie supplied the gap in his memory,--a matter of
+several hours, it seemed.  During most of this time Billy had met the
+demands of each moment quite like his usual agreeable self--a
+sleep-walking state.  It was only when the hair incident was reached
+that his conduct had noticeably crossed the line.  He listened to all
+this with interest intense.
+
+"John does owe me ten, I think," said he.
+
+"I say so," declared Bertie.  "When do you begin to remember again?"
+
+"After I got in again at the gate.  Why did I get out?"
+
+"You fell out, man."
+
+Billy was incredulous.
+
+"You did.  You tore your clothes wide open."
+
+Billy, looking at his trousers, did not see it.
+
+"Rise, and I'll show you," said Bertie.
+
+"Goodness gracious!" said Billy.
+
+Thus discoursing, they reached Harvard Square.  Not your Harvard Square,
+gentle reader, that place populous with careless youths and careful
+maidens and reticent persons with books, but one of sleeping windows and
+clear, cool air and few sounds; a Harvard Square of emptiness and
+conspicuous sparrows and milk wagons and early street-car conductors in
+long coats going to their breakfast; and over all this the sweetness of
+the arching elms.
+
+As the gelding turned down toward Pike's, the thin old church clock
+struck.  "Always sounds," said Billy, "like cambric tea."
+
+"Cambridge tea," said Bertie.
+
+"Walk close behind me," said Billy, as they came away from the livery
+stable.  "Then they won't see the hole."
+
+Bertie did so; but the hole was seen by the street-car conductors and
+the milkmen, and these sympathetic hearts smiled at the sight of the
+marching boys, and loved them without knowing any more of them than
+this.  They reached their building and separated.
+
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+
+
+One hour later they met.  Shaving and a cold bath and summer flannels,
+not only clean but beautiful, invested them with the radiant innocence
+of flowers.  It was still too early for their regular breakfast, and
+they sat down to eggs and coffee at the Holly Tree.
+
+"I waked John up," said Billy."  He is satisfied."
+
+"Let's have another order," said Bertie.  "These eggs are delicious."
+Each of them accordingly ate four eggs and drank two cups of coffee.
+
+"Oscar called five times," said Billy; and he threw down those cards
+which Oscar had so neatly written.
+
+"There's multiplicity of the ego for you!" said Bertie.
+
+Now, inspiration is a strange thing, and less obedient even than love to
+the will of man.  It will decline to come when you prepare for it with
+the loftiest intentions, and, lo! at an accidental word it will suddenly
+fill you, as at this moment it filled Billy.
+
+"By gum!" said he, laying his fork down.  "Multiplicity of the ego. Look
+here.  I fall out of a buggy and ask--"
+
+"By gum!" said Bertie, now also visited by inspiration.
+
+"Don't you see?" said Billy.
+
+"I see a whole lot more," said Bertie, with excitement.  "I had to tell
+you about your singing."  And the two burst into a flare of talk. To
+hear such words as cognition, attention, retention, entity, and
+identity, freely mingled with such other words as silver-fizz and false
+hair, brought John, the egg-and-coffee man, as near surprise as his
+impregnable nature permitted.  Thus they finished their large breakfast,
+and hastened to their notes for a last good bout at memorizing
+Epicharmos of Kos and his various brethren.  The appointed hour found
+them crossing the college yard toward a door inside which Philosophy 4
+awaited them: three hours of written examination!  But they looked more
+roseate and healthy than most of the anxious band whose steps were
+converging to that same gate of judgment.  Oscar, meeting them on the
+way, gave them his deferential "Good morning," and trusted that the
+gentlemen felt easy.  Quite so, they told him, and bade him feel easy
+about his pay, for which they were, of course, responsible.  Oscar
+wished them good luck and watched them go to their desks with his Iittle
+eyes, smiling in his particular manner.  Then he dismissed them from his
+mind, and sat with a faint remnant of his smile, fluently writing his
+perfectly accurate answer to the first question upon the examination
+paper.
+
+Here is that paper.  You will not be able to answer all the questions,
+probably, but you may be glad to know what such things are like.
+
+
+                         PHILOSOPHY 4
+
+
+1.  Thales, Zeno, Parmenides, Heracleitos, Anaxagoras.  State briefly
+the doctrine of each.
+
+2.  Phenomenon, noumenon.  Discuss these terms.  Name their modern
+descendants.
+
+3.  Thought=Being.  Assuming this, state the difference, if any, between
+(1) memory and anticipation; (2) sleep and waking.
+
+4.  Democritus, Pythagoras, Bacon.  State the relation between them. In
+what terms must the objective world ultimately be stated?  Why?
+
+5.  Experience is the result of time and space being included in the
+nature of mind.  Discuss this.
+
+6.  Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensibus.  Whose
+doctrine?  Discuss it.
+
+7.  What is the inherent limitation in all ancient philosophy?  Who
+first removed it?
+
+8.  Mind is expressed through what?  Matter through what?  Is speech the
+result or the cause of thought?
+
+9.  Discuss the nature of the ego.
+
+10.  According to Plato, Locke,�Berkeley, where would the sweetness of a
+honeycomb reside?  Where would its shape? its weight?  Where do you
+think these properties reside?
+
+
+Ten questions, and no Epicharmos of Kos.  But no examination paper asks
+everything, and this one did ask a good deal.  Bertie and Billy wrote
+the full time allotted, and found that they could have filled an hour
+more without coming to the end of their thoughts.  Comparing notes at
+lunch, their information was discovered to have been lacking here and
+there.  Nevertheless, it was no failure; their inner convictions were
+sure of fifty per cent at least, and this was all they asked of the
+gods.  "I was ripping about the ego," said Bertie.  "I was rather
+splendid myself," said Billy, "when I got going.  And I gave him a huge
+steer about memory."  After lunch both retired to their beds and fell
+into sweet oblivion until seven o'clock, when they rose and dined, and
+after playing a little poker went to bed again pretty early.
+
+Some six mornings later, when the Professor returned their papers to
+them, their minds were washed almost as clear of Plato and Thales as
+were their bodies of yesterday's dust.  The dates and doctrines, hastily
+memorized to rattle off upon the great occasion, lay only upon the
+surface of their minds, and after use they quickly evaporated.  To their
+pleasure and most genuine astonishment, the Professor paid them high
+compliments.  Bertie's discussion of the double personality had been the
+most intelligent which had come in from any of the class.  The
+illustration of the intoxicated hack-driver who had fallen from his hack
+and inquired who it was that had fallen, and then had pitied himself,
+was, said the Professor, as original and perfect an illustration of our
+subjective-objectivity as he had met with in all his researches.  And
+Billy's suggestions concerning the inherency of time and space in the
+mind the Professor had also found very striking and independent,
+particularly his reasoning based upon the well-known distortions of time
+and space which hashish and other drugs produce in us.  This was the
+sort of thing which the Professor had wanted from his students: free
+comment and discussions, the spirit of the course, rather than any
+strict adherence to the letter.  He had constructed his questions to
+elicit as much individual discussion as possible and had been somewhat
+disappointed in his hopes.
+
+Yes, Bertie and Billy were astonished.  But their astonishment did not
+equal that of Oscar, who had answered many of the questions in the
+Professor's own language.  Oscar received seventy-five per cent for this
+achievement--a good mark.  But Billy's mark was eighty-six and Bertie's
+ninety.  "There is some mistake," said Oscar to them when they told him
+; and he hastened to the Professor with his tale.  "There is no
+mistake," said the Professor.  Oscar smiled with increased deference.
+"But," he urged, "I assure you, sir, those young men knew absolutely
+nothing.  I was their tutor, and they knew nothing at all.  I taught
+them all their information myself." "In that case," replied the
+Professor, not pleased with Oscar's tale-bearing, "you must have given
+them more than you could spare.  Good morning."
+
+Oscar never understood.  But he graduated considerably higher than
+Bertie and Billy, who were not able to discover many other courses so
+favorable to "orriginal rresearch" as was Philosophy 4.  That is twenty
+years ago, To-day Bertie is treasurer of the New Amsterdam Trust
+Company, in Wall Street; Billy is superintendent of passenger traffic of
+the New York and Chicago Air Line.  Oscar is successful too.  He has
+acquired a lot of information.  His smile is unchanged.  He has
+published a careful work entitled "The Minor Poets of Cinquecento," and
+he writes book reviews for the Evening Post.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Philosophy 4, by Owen Wister
+
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