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diff --git a/old/bmine10.txt b/old/bmine10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c08e75c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/bmine10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7321 @@ +***The Project Gutenberg Etext of Baby Mine, by Margaret Mayo*** +#2 in our series by Margaret Mayo + + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +BABY MINE + +BY MARGARET MAYO + + + + +To my Helper and Husband + + + +CHAPTER I + +Even in college Alfred Hardy was a young man of fixed ideas and +high ideals and proud of it. + +His friend, Jimmy Jinks, had few ideas and no ideals, and was +glad of it, and before half of their first college term had +passed, Jimmy had ridded himself of all such worries as making up +his own mind or directing his own morals. Alfred did all these +things so much better, argued Jimmy, furthermore, Alfred LIKED to +do them--Jimmy owed it to his friend to give him that pleasure. + +The fact that Jimmy was several years Alfred's senior and twice +his size, in no way altered his opinion of Alfred's judgment, and +through their entire college course they agreed as one man in all +their discussions--or rather--in all Alfred's discussions. + +But it was not until the close of their senior year that Alfred +favoured Jimmy with his views on matrimony. + +Sitting alone in a secluded corner of the campus waiting for +Alfred to solve a problem in higher mathematics, Jimmy now +recalled fragments of Alfred's last conversation. + +"No twelve dollar shoes and forty dollar hats for MY wife," his +young friend had raged and he condemned to Jimmy the wicked +extravagance of his own younger sisters. "The woman who gets me +must be a home-maker. I'll take her to the theatre occasionally, +and now and then we'll have a few friends in for the evening; but +the fireside must be her magnet, and I'll be right by her side +each night with my books and my day's worries. She shall be +taken into my confidence completely; and I'll take good care to +let her know, before I marry her, just what I expect in return." + +"Alfred certainly has the right idea about marriage," mused +Jimmy, as the toe of his boot shoved the gravel up and down the +path. "There's just one impractical feature about it." He was +conscious of a slight feeling of heresy when he admitted even ONE +flaw in his friend's scheme of things. "Where is Alfred to find +such a wife?" + +Jimmy ran through the list of unattached girls to whom Alfred had +thus far presented him. It was no doubt due to his lack of +imagination, but try as he would, he could not see any one of +these girls sitting by the fireside listening to Alfred's +"worries" for four or five nights each week. He recalled all the +married women whom he had been obliged, through no fault of his +own, to observe. + +True, all of them did not boast twelve dollar shoes or forty +dollar hats--for the very simple reason that the incomes or the +tempers of their husbands did not permit of it. In any case, +Jimmy did not remember having seen them spend many evenings by +the fireside. Where then was Alfred to find the exceptional +creature who was to help "systematise his life"? Jimmy was not +above hoping that Alfred's search might be a long one. He was +content for his friend to go jogging along by his side, +theorising about marriage and taking no chances with facts. +Having come to this conclusion, he began to feel uneasy at +Alfred's non- appearance. Alfred had promised to meet him on +this spot at four-thirty, and Alfred had decided ideas about +punctuality. It was now five- thirty. Ought Jimmy to look for +him, or would he be wiser to remain comfortably seated and to try +to digest another of his friend's theories? + +While Jimmy was trying to decide this vexed question, his ear +caught the sound of a girlish titter. Turning in embarrassment +toward a secluded path just behind him, whom did he see coming +toward him but Alfred, with what appeared to be a bunch of +daffodils; but as Alfred drew nearer, Jimmy began to perceive at +his elbow a large flower-trimmed hat, and--"horrors!"-- beneath +it, with a great deal of filmy white and yellow floating from it, +was a small pink and white face. + +Barely had Jimmy reversed himself and rearranged his round, +astonished features, when Alfred, beaming and buoyant, brought +the bundle of fluff to a full stop before him. + +"Sorry to be late, old chap," said Alfred. "I have brought my +excuse with me. I want you to know Miss Merton." Then turning +to the small creature, whose head peeped just above his elbow, +Alfred explained to her graciously that Jimmy Jinks was his very +best friend, present company excepted, of course, and added that +she and Jimmy would no doubt "see a great deal of each other in +the future." + +In his embarrassment, Jimmy's eyes went straight to the young +lady's shoes. It was possible that there might be more expensive +shoes in this world, but Jimmy had certainly never seen daintier. + +"I hope we didn't disturb you," a small voice was chirping; and +innocent and conventional as the remark surely was, Jimmy was +certain of an undercurrent of mischief in it. He glanced up to +protest, but two baby-blue eyes fixed upon him in apparent +wonderment, made him certain that anything he could say would +seem rude or ridiculous; so, as usual when in a plight, he looked +to Alfred for the answer. + +Slapping Jimmy upon the shoulder in a condescending spirit, +Alfred suggested that they all sit down and have a chat. + +"Oh, how nice," chirped the small person. + +Jimmy felt an irresistible desire to run, but the picture of +himself, in his very stout person, streaking across the campus to +the giggled delight of Miss Fluff, soon brought him submissively +to the seat, where he sat twiddling his straw hat between his +fingers, and glancing uncertainly at Alfred, who was thoughtful +enough to sit next him. + +"Goodness, one could almost dance out here, couldn't one?" said +the small person, named Zoie, as her eyes roved over the bit of +level green before them. + +"Would you like to try?" asked Alfred, apparently agreeable to +her every caprice. + +"I'd love it!" cried Zoie. "Come along." She sprang up and held +out her hands to him. + +"I'm going to be unselfish," answered Alfred, "and let Jimmy have +that fun." + +By this time, Jimmy had been seized with an intuitive feeling +that his friend was in immediate danger. + +"Was this the young woman who was to sit opposite the fireside +five nights a week and systematise Alfred's life?" + +Jimmy stared at the intruder blankly. For answer, two small +hands were thrust out toward him and an impatient little voice +was commanding him to "Come, dance." He heard Alfred's laughter. +He had no intention of accommodating the small person in this or +any other matter, yet, before he realised quite how it had +happened, he was two-stepping up and down the grass to her piping +little voice; nor did she release him until the perspiration came +rolling from his forehead; and, horror of horrors, his one-time +friend, Alfred, seemed to find this amusing, and laughed louder +and louder when Jimmy sank by his side exhausted. + +When Jimmy was again able to think consecutively, he concluded +that considerable conversation must have taken place between +Alfred and the small one, while he was recovering his breath and +re-adjusting his wilted neckwear. He was now thrown into a fresh +panic by an exclamation from the excitable Zoie. + +"You must both meet my friend, Aggie Darling," she was saying. +"I am bringing her with me to the hop to-night. She is not at +all like me. You will like her dreadfully." She smiled at Jimmy +as though she were conferring a great favour upon him. + +"Like her dreadfully," commented Jimmy to himself. "It was just +the kind of expression one might expect from a mind in such +disorder as hers. 'Systematise Alfred's life,' indeed!" + +There was more nonsensical chatter, or so it seemed to Jimmy, +then Zoie and Alfred rose to go, and Jimmy was told by both of +them that he was to put in an appearance at the Fraternity "hop" +that night. + +"I'll see you at dinner," called Alfred gaily over his shoulder +and Jimmy was left to grapple with his first disappointment at +his friend's lack of discrimination. + +"It's her fault," concluded Jimmy, as he lifted himself heavily +off the bench and started down the campus, resolved to console +himself with food. + + + +CHAPTER II + +Now Jimmy had no intention of going to the "hop." He had tried +to tell Alfred so a dozen times during dinner, but each time he +had been interrupted by one of Alfred's enthusiastic rhapsodies +about Zoie. + +"Most marvellous girl I have ever met!" exclaimed Alfred over his +soup. "So sensible; so modest. And did you see how simply she +dresses?" he asked. Jimmy recalled his first vision of billowy +fluff; but before he could answer, Alfred had continued +excitedly: + +"I'll tell you what first attracted me toward her." He looked at +Jimmy as though he expected some especial mark of gratitude for +the favour about to be bestowed; then he explained with a serious +weighing of his words, "It was her love of children. I had +barely been introduced to her when she turned her back upon me +and gave her whole attention to Professor Peck's little boy +Willie. I said to myself, 'any girl of that age who prefers +children to young chaps of my age, is the girl for me.' " + +"I see," assented Jimmy lamely. It was his first remark during +dinner. + +"After that, I no longer hesitated. You know, Jimmy, I have +decision." + +"Yes, I have noticed," admitted Jimmy, without conviction. + +"In fifteen minutes," said Alfred, "I had learned all about the +young lady's antecedents." + +Having finished his soup, and resisted a childish impulse to tip +the plate and scrape the bottom of it, Jimmy was now looking +anxiously toward the door through which the roast ought to come. + +"I'll tell you all about her," volunteered Alfred. But Jimmy's +eyes were upon Alfred's plate; his friend had not yet devoured +more than two spoonfuls of soup; at that rate, argued Jimmy, the +roast would reach them about the time that he was usually trying +to make his dessert last as long as possible. + +"She is here with her aunt," continued Alfred. "They are on a +short visit to Professor Peck." + +Jimmy approved of the "short." + +"That's good," he murmured, hopeful that a separation from the +minx might restore his friend's reason. + +"And Jimmy," exclaimed Alfred with glistening eyes, "what do you +think?" + +Jimmy thought a great deal but he forebore to say it, and Alfred +continued very enthusiastically. + +"She lives right in the same town with us." + +"What!" ejaculated Jimmy, and he felt his appetite going. + +"Within a stone's throw of my house--and yours," added Alfred +triumphantly. "Think of our never having met her before!" + +"I am thinking," said Jimmy. + +"Of course she has been away from home a great deal," went on +Alfred. "She's been in school in the East; but there were the +summers." + +"So there were," assented Jimmy, thinking of his hitherto narrow +escapes. + +"Her father is old John Merton," continued Alfred. "Merton the +stationer--you know him, Jimmy. Unfortunately, he has a great +deal of money; but that hasn't spoilt her. Oh no! She is just as +simple and considerate in her behaviour as if she were some poor +little struggling school teacher. She is the one for me, Jimmy. +There is no doubt about it, and I'll tell you a secret." + +Jimmy looked at him blankly. + +"I am going to propose to her this very night." + +"Good Lord!" groaned Jimmy, as if his friend had been suddenly +struck down in the flower of his youth. + +"That's why you simply must come with me to the hop," continued +Alfred. "I want you to take care of her friend Aggie, and leave +me alone with Zoie as much as possible." + +"Zoie!" sniffed Jimmy. The name to him was as flippant as its +owner. + +"True, strong name," commented Alfred. "So simple, so direct, so +like her. I'll have to leave you now," he said, rising. "I must +send her some flowers for the dance." He turned at the door. +Suppose I add a few from you for Aggie." + +"What!" exploded Jimmy. + +"Just by way of introduction," called Alfred gaily. "It's a good +idea." + +Before Jimmy could protest further, he found himself alone for +the second time that day. He ate his roast in gloomy silence. +It seemed dry and tasteless. Even his favourite desert of plum +pudding failed to rouse him from his dark meditations, and he +rose from the table dejected and forlorn. + +A few hours later, when Alfred led Jimmy into the ballroom, the +latter was depressed, not only by his friend's impending danger, +but he felt an uneasy foreboding as to his own future. With his +college course practically finished and Alfred attaching himself +to unforeseen entities, Jimmy had come to the ball with a curious +feeling of having been left suspended in mid-air. + +Before he could voice his misgivings to Alfred, the young men +were surrounded by a circle of chattering females. And then it +was that Jimmy found himself looking into a pair of level brown +eyes, and felt himself growing hot and cold by turns. When the +little knot of youths and maidens disentangled itself into pairs +of dancers, it became clear to Jimmy that he had been introduced +to Aggie, and that he was expected to dance with her. + +As a matter of fact, Jimmy had danced with many girls; true, it +was usually when there was no other man left to "do duty"; but +still he had done it. Why then should he feel such distressing +hesitation about placing his arm around the waist of this +brown-eyed Diana? Try as he would he could not find words to +break the silence that had fallen between them. She was so +imposing; so self-controlled. It really seemed to Jimmy that she +should be the one to ask him to dance. As a matter of fact, that +was just what happened; and after the dance she suggested that +they sit in the garden; and in the garden, with the moonlight +barely peeping through the friendly overhanging boughs of the +trees, Jimmy found Aggie capable of a courage that filled him +with amazement; and later that night, when he and Alfred +exchanged confidences, it became apparent to the latter that +Aggie had volunteered to undertake the responsibility of +outlining Jimmy's entire future. + +He was to follow his father's wishes and take up a business +career in Chicago at once; and as soon as all the relatives +concerned on both sides had been duly consulted, he and Aggie +were to embark upon matrimony. + +"Good!" cried Alfred, when Jimmy had managed to stammer his +shame-faced confession. "We'll make it a double wedding. I can +be ready to-morrow, so far as I'm concerned." And then followed +another rhapsody upon the fitness of Zoie as the keeper of his +future home and hearth, and the mother of his future sons and +daughters. In fact, it was far into the night when the two +friends separated--separated in more than one sense, as they +afterward learned. + +While Alfred and Jimmy were saying "good- night" to each other, +Zoie and Aggie in one of the pretty chintz bedrooms of Professor +Peck's modest home, were still exchanging mutual confidences. + +"The thing I like about Alfred," said Zoie, as she gazed at the +tip of her dainty satin slipper, and turned her head meditatively +to one side, "is his positive nature. I've never before met any +one like him. Do you know," she added with a sly twinkle in her +eye, "it was all I could do to keep from laughing at him. He's +so awfully serious." She giggled to herself at the recollection +of him; then she leaned forward to Aggie, her small hands clasped +across her knees and her face dimpling with mischief. "He hasn't +the remotest idea what I'm like." + +Aggie studied her young friend with unmistakable reproach. "I +MADE Jimmy know what I'M like," she said. "I told him ALL my +ideas about everything." + +"Good Heavens!" exclaimed Zoie in shocked surprise. + +"He's sure to find out sooner or later," said Aggie sagely. "I +think that's the only sensible way to begin." + +"If I'd told Alfred all MY ideas about things," smiled Zoie, +"there'd have BEEN no beginning." + +"What do you mean?" asked Aggie, with a troubled look. + +"Well, take our meeting," explained Zoie. "Just as we were +introduced, that horrid little Willie Peck caught his heel in a +flounce of my skirt. I turned round to slap him, but I saw +Alfred looking, so I patted his ugly little red curls instead. +And what do you think? Alfred told me to-night that it was my +devotion to Willie that first made him adore me." + +"And you didn't explain to him?" asked Aggie in amazement. + +"And lose him before I'd got him!" exclaimed Zoie. + +"It might be better than losing him AFTER you've got him," +concluded the elder girl. + +"Oh, Aggie," pouted Zoie, "I think you are horrid. You're just +trying to spoil all the fun of my engagement." + +"I am not," cried Aggie, and the next moment she was sitting on +the arm of Zoie's chair. + +"Goose!" she said, "how dare you be cross with me?" + +"I am NOT cross," declared Zoie, and after the customary +apologies from Aggie, confidence was fully restored on both sides +and Zoie continued gaily: "Don't you worry about Alfred and me," +she said as she kicked off her tiny slippers and hopped into bed. +"Just you wait until I get him. I'll manage him all right." + +"I dare say," answered Aggie; not without misgivings, as she +turned off the light. + + + +CHAPTER III + +The double wedding of four of Chicago's "Younger Set" had been +adequately noticed in the papers, the conventional "honeymoon" +journey had been made, and Alfred Hardy and Jimmy Jinks had now +settled down to the routine of their respective business +interests. + +Having plunged into his office work with the same vigour with +which he had attacked higher mathematics, Alfred had quickly +gained the confidence of the elders of his firm, and they had +already begun to give way to him in many important decisions. In +fact, he was now practically at the head of his particular +department with one office doing well in Chicago and a second +office promising well in Detroit. + +As for Jimmy, he had naturally started his business career with +fewer pyrotechnics; but he was none the less contented. He +seldom saw his old friend Alfred now, but Aggie kept more or less +in touch with Zoie; and over the luncheon table the affairs of +the two husbands were often discussed by their wives. It was +after one of these luncheons that Aggie upset Jimmy's evening +repose by the fireside by telling him that she was a wee bit +worried about Zoie and Alfred. + +"Alfred is so unreasonable," said Aggie, "so peevish." + +"Nonsense!" exclaimed Jimmy shortly. "If he's peevish he has +some good reason. You can be sure of that." + +"You needn't get cross with me, Jimmy," said Aggie in a hurt +voice. + +"Why should I be cross with you?" snapped Jimmy. "It isn't YOUR +fault if Alfred's made a fool of himself by marrying the last +person on earth whom he should have married." + +"I think he was very lucky to get her," argued Aggie in defence +of her friend. + +"Oh, you do, do you?" answered Jimmy in a very aggrieved tone. + +"She is one of the prettiest girls in Chicago," said Aggie. + +"You're pretty too," answered Jimmy, "but it doesn't make an +idiot of you." + +"It's TIME you said something nice to me," purred Aggie; and her +arm stole fondly around Jimmy's large neck. + +"I don't know why it is," said Jimmy, shaking his head +dejectedly, "but every time Zoie Hardy's name is mentioned in +this house it seems to stir up some sort of a row between you and +me." + +"That's because you're so prejudiced," answered Aggie with a +touch of irritation. + +"There you go again," said Jimmy. + +"I didn't mean it!" interposed Aggie contritely. "Oh, come now, +Jimmy," she pleaded, "let's trundle off to bed and forget all +about it." And they did. + +But the next day, as Jimmy was heading for the La Salle +restaurant to get his luncheon, who should call to him airily +from a passing taxi but Zoie. It was apparent that she wished +him to wait until she could alight; and in spite of his +disinclination to do so, he not only waited but followed the taxi +to its stopping place and helped the young woman to the pavement. + +"Oh, you darling!" exclaimed Zoie, all of a flutter, and looking +exactly like an animated doll. "You've just saved my life." She +called to the taxi driver to "wait." + +"Are you in trouble?" asked the guileless Jimmy. + +"Yes, dreadful," answered Zoie, and she thrust a half-dozen small +parcels into Jimmy's arms. "I have to be at my dressmaker's in +half an hour; and I haven't had a bite of lunch. I'm miles and +miles from home; and I can't go into a restaurant and eat just by +myself without being stared at. Wasn't it lucky that I saw you +when I did?" + +There was really very little left for Jimmy to say, so he said +it; and a few minutes later they were seated tete-a-tete in one +of Chicago's most fashionable restaurants, and Zoie the +unconscious flirt was looking up at Jimmy with apparently adoring +eyes, and suggesting all the eatables which he particularly +abominated. + +No sooner had the unfortunate man acquiesced in one thing and +communicated Zoie's wish to the waiter, than the flighty young +person found something else on the menu that she considered more +tempting to her palate. Time and again the waiter had to be +recalled and the order had to be given over until Jimmy felt +himself laying up a store of nervous indigestion that would +doubtless last him for days. + +When the coveted food at last arrived, Zoie had become completely +engrossed in the headgear of one of her neighbours, and it was +only after Jimmy had been induced to make himself ridiculous by +craning his neck to see things of no possible interest to him +that Zoie at last gave her attention to her plate. + +In obeyance of Jimmy's order the waiter managed to rush the lunch +through within three- quarters of an hour; but when Jimmy and +Zoie at length rose to go he was so insanely irritated, that he +declared they had been in the place for hours; demanded that the +waiter hurry his bill; and then finally departed in high dudgeon +without leaving the customary "tip" behind him. + +But all this was without its effect upon Zoie, who, a few moments +later rode away in her taxi, waving gaily to Jimmy who was now +late for business and thoroughly at odds with himself and the +world. + +As a result of the time lost at luncheon Jimmy missed an +appointment that had to wait over until after office hours, and +as a result of this postponement, he missed Aggie, who went to a +friend's house for dinner, leaving word for him to follow. For +the first time in his life, Jimmy disobeyed Aggie's orders, and, +later on, when he "trundled off to bed" alone, he again recalled +that it was Zoie Hardy who was always causing hard feeling +between him and his spouse. + +Some hours later, when Aggie reached home with misgivings because +Jimmy had not joined her, she was surprised to find him sleeping +as peacefully as a cherub. "Poor dear," she murmured, "I hope he +wasn't lonesome." And she stole away to her room. + +The next morning when Aggie did not appear at the breakfast +table, Jimmy rushed to her room in genuine alarm. It was now +Aggie's turn to sleep peacefully; and he stole dejectedly back to +the dining-room and for the first time since their marriage, he +munched his cold toast and sipped his coffee alone. + +So thoroughly was his life now disorganised, and so low were his +spirits that he determined to walk to his office, relying upon +the crisp morning air to brace him for the day's encounters. By +degrees, he regained his good cheer and as usual when in rising +spirits, his mind turned toward Aggie. The second anniversary of +their wedding was fast approaching--he began to take notice of +various window displays. By the time he had reached his office, +the weightiest decision on his mind lay in choosing between a +pearl pendant and a diamond bracelet for his now adorable spouse. + +But a more difficult problem awaited him. Before he was fairly +in his chair, the telephone bell rang violently. Never guessing +who was at the other end of the wire, he picked up his receiver +and answered. + +"What?" he exclaimed in surprise. "Mrs. Hardy?" Several times +he opened his lips to ask a question, but it was apparent that +the person at the other end of the line had a great deal to say +and very little time to say it, and it was only after repeated +attempts that he managed to get in a word or so edgewise. + +"What's happened?" he asked. + +"Say nothing to anybody," was Zoie's noncommittal answer, "not +even to Aggie. Jump in a taxi and come as quickly as you can." + +"But what IS it?" persisted Jimmy. The dull sound of the wire +told him that the person at the other end had "hung up." + +Jimmy gazed about the room in perplexity. What was he to do? Why +on earth should he leave his letters unanswered and his mail +topsy turvy to rush forth in the shank of the morning at the +bidding of a young woman whom he abhorred. Ridiculous! He would +do no such thing. He lit a cigar and began to open a few letters +marked "private." For the life of him he could not understand +one word that he read. A worried look crossed his face. + +"Suppose Zoie were really in need of help, Aggie would certainly +never forgive him if he failed her." He rose and walked up and +down. + +"Why was he not to tell Aggie?" + +"Where was Alfred?" He stopped abruptly. His over excited +imagination had suggested a horrible but no doubt accurate +answer. "Wedded to an abomination like Zoie, Alfred had sought +the only escape possible to a man of his honourable ideals--he +had committed suicide." + +Seizing his coat and hat Jimmy dashed through the outer office +without instructing his astonished staff as to when he might +possibly return. + +"Family troubles," said the secretary to himself as he +appropriated one of Jimmy's best cigars. + + + +CHAPTER IV + +LESS than half an hour later, Jimmy's taxi stopped in front of +the fashionable Sherwood Apartments where Zoie had elected to +live. Ascending toward the fifth floor he scanned the face of +the elevator boy expecting to find it particularly solemn because +of the tragedy that had doubtless taken place upstairs. He was +on the point of sending out a "feeler" about the matter, when he +remembered Zoie's solemn injunction to "say nothing to anybody." +Perhaps it was even worse than suicide. He dared let his +imagination go no further. By the time he had put out his hand +to touch the electric button at Zoie's front door, his finger was +trembling so that he wondered whether he could hit the mark. The +result was a very faint note from the bell, but not so faint that +it escaped the ear of the anxious young wife, who had been pacing +up and down the floor of her charming living room for what seemed +to her ages. + +"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Zoie cried through her tears to her neat +little maid servant, then reaching for her chatelaine, she daubed +her small nose and flushed cheeks with powder, after which she +nodded to Mary to open the door. + +To Jimmy, the maid's pert "good-morning" seemed to be in very bad +taste and to properly reprove her he assumed a grave, dignified +air out of which he was promptly startled by Zoie's even more +unseemly greeting. + +"Hello, Jimmy!" she snapped. Her tone was certainly not that of +a heart-broken widow. "It's TIME you got here," she added with +an injured air. + +Jimmy gazed at Zoie in astonishment. She was never what he would +have called a sympathetic woman, but really----! + +"I came the moment you 'phoned me," he stammered; "what is it? +What's the matter?" + +"It's awful," sniffled Zoie. And she tore up and down the room +regardless of the fact that Jimmy was still unseated. + +"Awful what?" questioned Jimmy. + +"Worst I've ever had," sobbed Zoie. + +"Is anything wrong with Alfred?" ventured Jimmy. And he braced +himself for her answer. + +"He's gone," sobbed Zoie. + +"Gone!" echoed Jimmy, feeling sure that his worst fears were +about to be realised. "Gone where?" + +"I don't know," sniffled Zoie, "I just 'phoned his office. He +isn't there." + +"Oh, is that all?" answered Jimmy, with a sigh of relief. "Just +another little family tiff," he was unable to conceal a feeling +of thankfulness. "What's up?" + +Zoie measured Jimmy with a dangerous gleam in her eyes. She +resented the patronising tone that he was adopting. How dare he +be cheerful when she was so unhappy--and because of him, too? She +determined that his self-complacency should be short-lived. + +"Alfred has found out that I lied about the luncheon," she said, +weighing her words and their effect upon Jimmy. + +"What luncheon?" stuttered Jimmy, feeling sure that Zoie had +suddenly marked him for her victim, but puzzled as to what form +her persecution was about to take. + +"What luncheon?" repeated Zoie, trying apparently to conceal her +disgust at his dulness. "OUR luncheon yesterday." + +"Why did you LIE," asked Jimmy, his eyes growing rounder and +rounder with wonder. + +"I didn't know he KNEW," answered Zoie innocently. + +"Knew what?" questioned Jimmy, more and more befogged. + +"That I'd eaten with a man," concluded Zoie impatiently. Then +she turned her back upon Jimmy and again dashed up and down the +room occupied with her own thoughts. + +It was certainly difficult to get much understanding out of +Zoie's disjointed observations, but Jimmy was doing his best. He +followed her restless movements about the room with his eyes, and +then ventured a timid comment. + +"He couldn't object to your eating with me." + +"Oh, couldn't he?" cried Zoie, and she turned upon him with a +look of contempt. "If there's anything that he DOESN'T object +to," she continued, "I haven't found it out yet." And with that +she threw herself in a large arm chair near the table, and left +Jimmy to draw his own conclusions. + +Jimmy looked about the room as though expecting aid from some +unseen source; then his eyes sought the floor. Eventually they +crept to the tip of Zoie's tiny slipper as it beat a nervous +tattoo on the rug. To save his immortal soul, Jimmy could never +help being hypnotised by Zoie's small feet. He wondered now if +they had been the reason of Alfred's first downfall. He recalled +with a sigh of relief that Aggie's feet were large and +reassuring. He also recalled an appropriate quotation: "The +path of virtue is not for women with small feet," it ran. "Yes, +Aggie's feet are undoubtedly large," he concluded. But all this +was not solving Zoie's immediate problem; and an impatient cough +from her made him realise that something was expected of him. + +"Why did you lunch with me," he asked, with a touch of +irritation, "if you thought he wouldn't like it?" + +"I was hungry," snapped Zoie. + +"Oh," grunted Jimmy, and in spite of his dislike of the small +creature his vanity resented the bald assertion that she had not +lunched with him for his company's sake. + +"I wouldn't have made an engagement with you of course," she +continued, with a frankness that vanquished any remaining conceit +that Jimmy might have brought with him. "I explained to you how +it was at the time. It was merely a case of convenience. You +know that." + +Jimmy was beginning to see it more and more in the light of an +inconvenience. + +"If you hadn't been in front of that horrid old restaurant just +when I was passing," she continued, "all this would never have +happened. But you were there, and you asked me to come in and +have a bite with you; and I did, and there you are." + +"Yes, there I am," assented Jimmy dismally. There was no doubt +about where he was now, but where was he going to end? That was +the question. "See here," he exclaimed with fast growing +uneasiness, "I don't like being mixed up in this sort of thing." + +"Of course you'd think of yourself first," sneered Zoie. "That's +just like a man." + +"Well, I don't want to get your husband down on me," argued Jimmy +evasively. + +"Oh, I didn't give YOU away," sneered Zoie. "YOU needn't worry," +and she fixed her eyes upon him with a scornful expression that +left no doubt as to her opinion that he was a craven coward. + +"But you said he'd 'found out,' " stammered Jimmy. + +"He's found out that I ate with a MAN," answered Zoie, more and +more aggrieved at having to employ so much detail in the midst of +her distress. "He doesn't know it was you." + +"But Zoie----" protested Jimmy. + +She lifted a small hand, begging him to spare her further +questions. It was apparent that she must explain each aspect of +their present difficulty, with as much patience as though Jimmy +were in reality only a child. She sank into her chair and then +proceeded, with a martyred air. + +"You see it was like this," she said. "Alfred came into the +restaurant just after we had gone out and Henri, the waiter who +has taken care of him for years, told him that I had just been in +to luncheon with a gentleman." + +Jimmy shifted about on the edge of his chair, ill at ease. + +"Now if Alfred had only told me that in the first place," she +continued, "I'd have known what to say, but he didn't. Oh no, he +was as sweet as could be all through breakfast and last night +too, and then just as he was leaving this morning, I said +something about luncheon and he said, quite casually, 'Where did +you have luncheon YESTERDAY, my dear?' So I answered quite +carelessly, 'I had none, my love.' Well, I wish you could have +seen him. He called me dreadful things. He says I'm the one +thing he can't endure." + +"What's that?" questioned Jimmy, wondering how Alfred could +confine himself to any "ONE thing." + +"He says I'm a liar!" shrieked Zoie tearfully. + +"Well, aren't you?" asked Jimmy. + +"Of course I am," declared Zoie; "but why shouldn't I be?" She +looked at Jimmy with such an air of self-approval that for the +life of him he could find no reason to offer. "You know how +jealous Alfred is," she continued. "He makes such a fuss about +the slightest thing that I've got out of the habit of EVER +telling the TRUTH." She walked away from Jimmy as though +dismissing the entire matter; he shifted his position uneasily; +she turned to him again with mock sweetness. "I suppose YOU told +AGGIE all about it?" she said. + +Jimmy's round eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped lower. +"I--I--don't believe I did," he stammered weakly. "I didn't +think of it again." + +"Thank heaven for that!" concluded Zoie with tightly pressed +lips. Then she knotted her small white brow in deep thought. + +Jimmy regarded her with growing uneasiness. "What are you up to +now?" he asked. + +"I don't know yet," mused Zoie, "BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL +AGGIE--that's ONE SURE thing." And she pinned him down with her +eyes. + +"I certainly will tell her," asserted Jimmy, with a wag of his +very round head. "Aggie is just the one to get you out of this." + +"She's just the one to make things worse," said Zoie decidedly. +Then seeing Jimmy's hurt look, she continued apologetically: +"Aggie MEANS all right, but she has an absolute mania for mixing +up in other people's troubles. And you know how THAT always +ends." + +"I never deceived my wife in all my life," declared Jimmy, with +an air of self approval that he was far from feeling. + +"Now, Jimmy," protested Zoie impatiently, "you aren't going to +have moral hydrophobia just when I need your help!" + +"I'm not going to lie to Aggie, if that's what you mean," said +Jimmy, endeavouring not to wriggle under Zoie's disapproving +gaze. + +"Then don't," answered Zoie sweetly. + +Jimmy never feared Zoie more than when she APPEARED to agree with +him. He looked at her now with uneasy distrust. + +"Tell her the truth," urged Zoie. + +"I will," declared Jimmy with an emphatic nod. + +"And I'LL DENY IT," concluded Zoie with an impudent toss of her +head. + +"What!" exclaimed Jimmy, and he felt himself getting onto his +feet. + +"I've already denied it to Alfred," continued Zoie. "I told him +I'd never been in that restaurant without him in all my life, +that the waiter had mistaken someone else for me." And again she +turned her back upon Jimmy. + +"But don't you see," protested Jimmy, "this would all be so very +much simpler if you'd just own up to the truth now, before it's +too late?" + +"It IS too late," declared Zoie. "Alfred wouldn't believe me +now, whatever I told him. He says a woman who lies once lies all +the time. He'd think I'd been carrying on with you ALL ALONG." + +"Good Lord!" groaned Jimmy as the full realisation of his +predicament thrust itself upon him. + +"We don't DARE tell him now," continued Zoie, elated by the +demoralised state to which she was fast reducing him. "For +Heaven's sake, don't make it any worse," she concluded; "it's bad +enough as it is." + +"It certainly is," agreed Jimmy, and he sank dejectedly into his +chair. + +"If you DO tell him," threatened Zoie from the opposite side of +the table, "I'll say you ENTICED me into the place." + +"What!" shrieked Jimmy and again he found himself on his feet. + +"I will," insisted Zoie, "I give you fair warning." + +He stared at her in absolute horror. "I don't believe you've any +conscience at all," he said. + +"I haven't," she sniffled. "I'm too miserable." And throwing +herself into the nearest armchair she wept copiously at the +thought of her many injuries. + +Uncertain whether to fly or to remain, Jimmy gazed at her +gloomily. "Well, I'M not laughing myself to death," he said. + +For answer Zoie turned upon him vehemently. "I just wish I'd +never laid eyes on you, Jimmy," she cried. + +Jimmy was wishing the very same thing. + +"If I cared about you," she sobbed, "it wouldn't be so bad; but +to think of losing my Alfred for----" words failed her and she +trailed off weakly,--"for nothing!" + +"Thanks," grunted Jimmy curtly. In spite of himself he was +always miffed by the uncomplimentary way in which she disposed of +him. + +His sarcasm was lost upon Zoie. Having finished all she had to +say to him, she was now apparently bent upon indulging herself in +a first class fit of hysterics. + +There are critical moments in all of our lives when our future +happiness or woe hangs upon our own decision. Jimmy felt +intuitively that he was face to face with such a moment, but +which way to turn? that was the question. Being Jimmy, and +soft-hearted in spite of his efforts to conceal it, he naturally +turned the wrong way, in other words, towards Zoie. + +"Oh, come now," he said awkwardly, as he crossed to the arm of +her chair. "This will soon blow over." + +Zoie only sobbed the louder. + +"This isn't the first time you and Alfred have called it all +off," he reminded her. + +Again she sobbed. + +Jimmy could never remember quite how it happened. But apparently +he must have patted Zoie on the shoulder. At any rate, something +or other loosened the flood-gates of her emotion, and before +Jimmy could possibly escape from her vicinity she had wheeled +round in her chair, thrown her arms about him, and buried her +tear-stained face against his waist-coat. + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Jimmy, for the third time that morning, as +he glanced nervously toward the door; but Zoie was exclaiming in +her own way and sobbing louder and louder; furthermore she was +compelling Jimmy to listen to an exaggerated account of her many +disappointments in her unreasonable husband. Seeing no +possibility of escape, without resorting to physical violence, +Jimmy stood his ground, wondering what to expect next. He did +not have long to wonder. + + + +CHAPTER V + +WITHIN an hour from the time Alfred had entered his office that +morning he was leaving it, in a taxi, with his faithful secretary +at his side, and his important papers in a bag at his feet. +"Take me to the Sherwood," he commanded the driver, "and be +quick." + +As they neared Alfred's house, Johnson could feel waves of +increasing anger circling around his perturbed young employer and +later when they alighted from the taxi it was with the greatest +difficulty that he could keep pace with him. + +Unfortunately for Jimmy, the outer door of the Hardy apartment +had been left ajar, and thus it was that he was suddenly startled +from Zoie's unwelcome embraces by a sharp exclamation. + +"So!" cried Alfred, and he brought his fist down with emphasis on +the centre table at Jimmy's back. + +Wheeling about, Jimmy beheld his friend face to face with him. +Alfred's lips were pressed tightly together, his eyes flashing +fire. It was apparent that he desired an immediate explanation. +Jimmy turned to the place where Zoie had been, to ask for help; +like the traitress that she was, he now saw her flying through +her bedroom door. Again he glanced at Alfred, who was standing +like a sentry, waiting for the pass-word that should restore his +confidence in his friend. + +"I'm afraid I've disturbed you," sneered Alfred. + +"Oh, no, not at all," answered Jimmy, affecting a careless +indifference that he did not feel and unconsciously shaking hands +with the waiting secretary. + +Reminded of the secretary's presence in such a distinctly family +scene, Alfred turned to him with annoyance. + +"Go into my study," he said. "I'll be with you presently. +Here's your list," he added and he thrust a long memorandum into +the secretary's hand. Johnson retired as unobtrusively as +possible and the two old friends were left alone. There was +another embarrassed silence which Jimmy, at least, seemed +powerless to break. + +"Well?" questioned Alfred in a threatening tone. + +"Tolerably well," answered Jimmy in his most pleasant but +slightly nervous manner. Then followed another pause in which +Alfred continued to eye his old friend with grave suspicion. + +"The fact is," stammered Jimmy, "I just came over to bring +Aggie----" he corrected himself-- "that is, to bring Zoie a +little message from Aggie." + +"It seemed to be a SAD one," answered Alfred, with a sarcastic +smile, as he recalled the picture of Zoie weeping upon his +friend's sleeve. + +"Oh no--no!" answered Jimmy, with an elaborate attempt at +carelessness. + +"Do you generally play the messenger during business hours?" +thundered Alfred, becoming more and more enraged at Jimmy's petty +evasions. + +"Just SOMETIMES," answered Jimmy, persisting in his amiable +manner. + +"Jimmy," said Alfred, and there was a solemn warning in his +voice, "don't YOU lie to me!" + +Jimmy started as though shot. The consciousness of his guilt was +strong upon him. "I beg your pardon," he gasped, for the want of +anything more intelligent to say. + +"You don't do it well," continued Alfred, "and you and I are old +friends." + +Jimmy's round eyes fixed themselves on the carpet. + +"My wife has been telling you her troubles," surmised Alfred. + +Jimmy tried to protest, but the lie would not come. + +"Very well," continued Alfred, "I'll tell you something too. +I've done with her." He thrust his hands in his pockets and +began to walk up and down. + +"What a turbulent household," thought Jimmy and then he set out +in pursuit of his friend. "I'm sorry you've had a +misunderstanding," he began. + +"Misunderstanding!" shouted Alfred, turning upon him so sharply +that he nearly tripped him up, "we've never had anything else. +There was never anything else for us TO have. She's lied up hill +and down dale from the first time she clinched her baby fingers +around my hand--" he imitated Zoie's dainty manner-- "and said +'pleased to meet you!' But I've caught her with the goods this +time," he shouted, "and I've just about got HIM." + +"Him!" echoed Jimmy weakly. + +"The wife-stealer," exclaimed Alfred, and he clinched his fists +in anticipation of the justice he would one day mete out to the +despicable creature. + +Now Jimmy had been called many things in his time, he realised +that he would doubtless be called many more things in the future, +but never by the wildest stretch of imagination, had he ever +conceived of himself in the role of "wife- stealer." + +Mistaking Jimmy's look of amazement for one of incredulity, +Alfred endeavoured to convince him. + +"Oh, YOU'LL meet a wife-stealer sooner or later," he assured him. +"You needn't look so horrified." + +Jimmy only stared at him and he continued excitedly: "She's had +the effrontery--the bad taste--the idiocy to lunch in a public +restaurant with the blackguard." + +The mere sound of the word made Jimmy shudder, but engrossed in +his own troubles Alfred continued without heeding him. + +"Henri, the head-waiter, told me," explained Alfred, and Jimmy +remembered guiltily that he had been very bumptious with the +fellow. "You know the place," continued Alfred, "the LaSalle --a +restaurant where I am known--where she is known--where my best +friends dine--where Henri has looked after me for years. That +shows how desperate she is. She must be mad about the fool. +She's lost all sense of decency." And again Alfred paced the +floor. + +"Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that," stammered Jimmy. + +"Oh, wouldn't you?" cried Alfred, again turning so abruptly that +Jimmy caught his breath. Each word of Jimmy's was apparently +goading him on to greater anger. + +"Now don't get hasty," Jimmy almost pleaded. "The whole thing is +no doubt perfectly innocent. Talk to her gently. Win her +confidence. Get her to tell you the truth." + +"The truth!" shouted Alfred in derision. "Zoie! The truth!" + +Jimmy feared that his young friend might actually become +violent. Alfred bore down upon him like a maniac. + +"The truth!" he repeated wildly. "She wouldn't know the truth if +she saw it under a microscope. She's the most unconscionable +little liar that ever lured a man to the altar." + +Jimmy rolled his round eyes with feigned incredulity. + +"I found it out before we'd been married a month," continued +Alfred. "She used to sit evenings facing the clock. I sat with +my back to it. I used to ask her the time. Invariably she would +lie half an hour, backward or forward, just for practice. THAT +was the BEGINNING. Here, listen to some of these," he added, as +he drew half a dozen telegrams from his inner pocket, and +motioned Jimmy to sit at the opposite side of the table. + +Jimmy would have preferred to stand, but it was not a propitious +time to consult his own preferences. He allowed himself to be +bullied into the chair that Alfred suggested. + +Throwing himself into the opposite chair, Alfred selected various +exhibits from his collection of messages. "I just brought these +up from the office," he said. "These are some of the telegrams +that she sent me each day last week while I was away. This is +Monday's." And he proceeded to read with a sneering imitation of +Zoie's cloy sweetness. + +" 'Darling, so lonesome without you. Cried all day. When are +you coming home to your wee sad wifie? Love and kisses. Zoie.' " +Tearing the defenceless telegram into bits, Alfred threw it from +him and waited for his friend's verdict. + +"She sent that over the wire?" gasped Jimmy. + +"Oh, that's nothing," answered Alfred. "That's a mild one." And +he selected another from the same pocket. "Here, listen to this. +This is what she REALLY did. This is from my secretary the same +night." + +"You spied upon her!" asked Jimmy, feeling more and more +convinced that his own deceptions would certainly be run to +earth. + +"I HAVE to spy upon her," answered Alfred, "in self-defence. +It's the only way I can keep her from making me utterly +ridiculous." And he proceeded to read from the secretary's +telegram. " 'Shopped all morning. Lunched at Martingale's with +man and woman unknown to me--Martingale's,' " he repeated with a +sneer-- " 'Motored through Park with Mrs. Wilmer until five.' +Mrs. Wilmer," he exclaimed, "there's a woman I've positively +forbidden her to speak to." + +Jimmy only shook his head and Alfred continued to read. + +" 'Had tea with Mr. and Mrs. Thompson and young Ardesley at the +Park View.' Ardesley is a young cub," explained Alfred, "who +spends his time running around with married women while their +husbands are away trying to make a living for them." + +"Shocking!" was the extent of Jimmy's comment, and Alfred resumed +reading. + +" 'Dinner and theatre same party. Supper at Wellingford. Home +two A. M.' " He looked at Jimmy, expecting to hear Zoie bitterly +condemned. Jimmy only stared at him blankly. "That's pretty +good," commented Alfred, "for the woman who 'CRIED' all day, +isn't it?" + +Still Jimmy made no answer, and Alfred brought his fist down upon +the table impatiently. "Isn't it?" he repeated. + +"She was a bit busy THAT day," admitted Jimmy uneasily. + +"The truth!" cried Alfred again, as he rose and paced about +excitedly. "Getting the truth out of Zoie is like going to a +fire in the night. You think it's near, but you never get there. +And when she begins by saying that she's going to tell you the +'REAL truth' "--he threw up his hands in despair--"well, then +it's time to leave home." + + + +CHAPTER VI + +There was another pause, then Alfred drew in his breath and bore +down upon Jimmy with fresh vehemence. "The only time I get even +a semblance of truth out of Zoie," he cried, "is when I catch her +red-handed." Again he pounded the table and again Jimmy winced. +"And even then," he continued, "she colours it so with her +affected innocence and her plea about just wishing to be a 'good +fellow,' that she almost makes me doubt my own eyes. She is an +artist," he declared with a touch of enforced admiration. +"There's no use talking; that woman is an artist." + +"What are you going to do?" asked Jimmy, for the want of anything +better to say. + +"I am going to leave her," declared Alfred emphatically. "I am +going away." + +A faint hope lit Jimmy's round childlike face. With Alfred away +there would be no further investigation of the luncheon incident. + +"That might be a good idea," he said. + +"It's THE idea," said Alfred; "most of my business is in Detroit +anyhow. I'm going to make that my headquarters and stay there." + +Jimmy was almost smiling. + +"As for Zoie," continued Alfred, "she can stay right here and go +as far as she likes." + +"Not with me," thought Jimmy. + +"But," shrieked Alfred, with renewed emphasis, "I'm going to find +out who the FELLOW is. I'll have THAT satisfaction!" + +Jimmy's spirits fell. + +"Henri knows the head-waiter of every restaurant in this town," +said Alfred, "that is, every one where she'd be likely to go; and +he says he'd recognise the man she lunched with if he saw him +again." + +Jimmy's features became suddenly distorted. + +"The minute she appears anywhere with anybody," explained Alfred, +"Henri will be notified by 'phone. He'll identify the man and +then he'll wire me." + +"What good will that do?" asked Jimmy weakly. + +"I'll take the first train home," declared Alfred. + +"For what?" questioned Jimmy. + +"To shoot him!" exclaimed Alfred. + +"What!" gasped Jimmy, almost losing his footing. + +Alfred mistook Jimmy's concern for anxiety on his behalf. + +"Oh, I'll be acquitted," he declared. "Don't you worry. I'll +get my tale of woe before the jury." + +"But I say," protested Jimmy, too uneasy to longer conceal his +real emotions, "why kill this one particular chap when there are +so many others?" + +"He's the only one she's ever lunched with, ALONE," said Alfred. +"She's been giddy, but at least she's always been chaperoned, +except with him. He's the one all right; there's no doubt about +it. He's the beginning of the end." + +"His own end, yes," assented Jimmy half to himself. "Now, see +here, old man," he argued, "I'd give that poor devil a chance to +explain." + +"Explain!" shouted Alfred so sharply that Jimmy quickly +retreated. "I wouldn't believe him now if he were one of the +Twelve Apostles." + +"That's tough," murmured Jimmy as he saw the last avenue of +honourable escape closed to him. + +"Tough!" roared Alfred, thinking of himself. "Hah." + +"On the Apostles, I mean," explained Jimmy nervously. + +Again Alfred paced up and down the room, and again Jimmy tried to +think of some way to escape from his present difficulty. It was +quite apparent that his only hope lay not in his own candor, but +in Alfred's absence. "How long do you expect to be away?" he +asked. + +"Only until I hear from Henri," said Alfred. + +"Henri?" repeated Jimmy and again a gleam of hope shone on his +dull features. He had heard that waiters were often to be +bribed. "Nice fellow, Henri," he ventured cautiously. "Gets a +large salary, no doubt?" + +"Does he!" exclaimed Alfred, with a certain pride of +proprietorship. "No tips could touch Henri, no indeed. He's not +that sort of a person." + +Again the hope faded from Jimmy's round face. + +"I look upon Henri as my friend," continued Alfred +enthusiastically. "He speaks every language known to man. He's +been in every country in the world. HENRI UNDERSTANDS LIFE." + +"LOTS of people UNDERSTAND LIFE," commented Jimmy dismally, "but +SOME people don't APPRECIATE it. They value it too lightly, to +MY way of thinking." + +"Ah, but you have something to live for," argued Alfred. + +"I have indeed; a great deal," agreed Jimmy, more and more abused +at the thought of what he was about to lose. + +"Ah, that's different," exclaimed Alfred. "But what have _I_?" + +Jimmy was in no frame of mind to consider his young friend's +assets, he was thinking of his own difficulties. + +"I'm a laughing stock," shouted Alfred. "I know it. A 'good +thing' who gives his wife everything she asks for, while she is +running around with--with my best friend, for all I know." + +"Oh, no, no," protested Jimmy nervously. "I wouldn't say that." + +"Even if she weren't running around," continued Alfred excitedly, +without heeding his friend's interruption, "what have we to look +forward to? What have we to look backward to?" + +Again Jimmy's face was a blank. + +Alfred answered his own question by lifting his arms tragically +toward Heaven. "One eternal round of wrangles and rows! A +childless home! Do you think she wants babies?" he cried, +wheeling about on Jimmy, and daring him to answer in the +affirmative. "Oh, no!" he sneered. "All she wants is a good +time." + +"Well," mumbled Jimmy, "I can't see much in babies myself, fat, +little, red worms." + +Alfred's breath went from him in astonishment + +"Weren't YOU ever a fat, little, red worm?" he hissed. "Wasn't +_I_ ever a little, fat, red----" he paused in confusion, as his +ear became puzzled by the proper sequence of his adjectives, "a +fat, red, little worm," he stammered; "and see what we are now!" +He thrust out his chest and strutted about in great pride. + +"Big red worms," admitted Jimmy gloomily. + +But Alfred did not hear him. "You and I ought to have SONS on +the way to what we are," he declared, "and better." + +"Oh yes, better," agreed Jimmy, thinking of his present plight. +"Much better." + +"But HAVE we?" demanded Alfred. + +Jimmy glanced about the room, as though expecting an answering +demonstration from the ceiling. + +"Have YOU?" persisted Alfred. + +Jimmy shook his head solemnly. + +"Have _I_?" asked the irate husband. + +Out of sheer absent mindedness Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. + +As usual Alfred answered his own question. "Oh, no!" he raged. +"YOU have a wife who spends her time and money gadding about +with----" + +Jimmy's face showed a new alarm. + +"--my wife," concluded Alfred. + +Jimmy breathed a sigh of relief. + +"I have a wife," said Alfred, "who spends her time and my money +gadding around with God knows whom. But I'll catch him!" he +cried with new fury. "Here," he said, pulling a roll of bills +from his pocket. "I'll bet you I'll catch him. How much do you +want to bet?" + +Undesirous of offering any added inducements toward his own +capture, Jimmy backed away both literally and figuratively from +Alfred's proposition. + +"What's the use of getting so excited?" he asked. + +Mistaking Jimmy's unwillingness to bet for a disinclination to +take advantage of a friend's reckless mood, Alfred resented the +implied insult to his astuteness. + +"You think I can't catch him?" he exclaimed. "Let's see the +colour of your money," he demanded. + +But before Jimmy could comply, an unexpected voice broke into the +argument and brought them both round with a start. + + + +CHAPTER VII + +"Good Heavens," exclaimed Aggie, who had entered the room while +Alfred was talking his loudest. "What a racket!" + +Her eyes fell upon Jimmy who was teetering about uneasily just +behind Alfred. She stared at him in amazement. Was it possible +that Jimmy, the methodical, had left his office at this hour of +the morning, and for what? + +Avoiding the question in Aggie's eyes, Jimmy pretended to be +searching for his pocket handkerchief-- but always with the +vision of Aggie in her new Fall gown and her large "picture" hat +at his elbow. Never before had she appeared so beautiful to him, +so desirable--suppose he should lose her? Life spread before him +as a dreary waste. He tried to look up at her; he could not. He +feared she would read his guilt in his eyes. "What guilt?" he +asked himself. There was no longer any denying the fact--a +secret had sprung up between them. + +Annoyed at receiving no greeting, Aggie continued in a rather +hurt voice: + +"Aren't you two going to speak to me?" + +Alfred swallowed hard in an effort to regain his composure. + +"Good-morning," he said curtly. + +Fully convinced of a disagreement between the two old friends, +Aggie addressed herself in a reproachful tone to Jimmy. + +"My dear," she said, "what are you doing here this time of day?" + +Jimmy felt Alfred's steely eyes upon him. "Why!" he stammered. +"Why, I just came over to--bring your message." + +"My message?" repeated Aggie in perplexity. "What message?" + +Alfred's eyebrows drew themselves sharply together. + +Jimmy had told so many lies this morning that another more or +less could not matter; moreover, this was not a time to hesitate. + +"Why, the message you sent to Zoie," he answered boldly. + +"But I sent no message to Zoie," said Aggie. + +"What!" thundered Alfred, so loud that Aggie's fingers +involuntarily went to her ears. She was more and more puzzled by +the odd behaviour of the two. + +"I mean yesterday's message," corrected Jimmy. And he assumed an +aggrieved air toward Aggie. + +"You villain," exclaimed Aggie. "I told you to 'phone her +yesterday morning from the office." + +"Yes, I know," agreed Jimmy placidly, "but I forgot it and I just +came over to explain." Alfred's fixed stare was relaxing and at +last Jimmy could breathe. + +"Oh," murmured Aggie, with a wise little elevation of her +eye-brows, "then that's why Zoie didn't keep her luncheon +appointment with me yesterday." + +Jimmy felt that if this were to go on much longer, he would utter +one wild shriek and give himself up for lost; but at present he +merely swallowed with an effort, and awaited developments. + +It was now Alfred's turn to become excited. + +"Oh, IS it!" he cried with hysterical laughter. + +Aggie regarded him with astonishment. Was this her usually +self-controlled friend? + +"Oh, no!" sneered Alfred with unmistakable pity for her +credulity. "That's not why my wife didn't eat luncheon with you. +She may TELL you that's why. She undoubtedly will; but it's NOT +why. Oh, no!" and running his hands through his hair, Alfred +tore up and down the room. + +"What do you mean by that?" Aggie asked in amazement. + +"Your dear husband Jimmy will doubtless explain," answered Alfred +with a slur on the "dear." Then he turned toward the door of his +study. "Pray excuse me--I'M TOO BUSY," and with that he strode +out of the room and banged the study door behind him. + +"Goodness gracious!" gasped Aggie. She looked after Alfred, then +at Jimmy. She was the picture of consternation. "What's the +matter with him?" she asked. + +"Just another little family tiff," answered Jimmy, trying to +assume a nonchalant manner. + +"Not about YOU!" gasped Aggie. + +"Me!" cried Jimmy, his equilibrium again upset. "Certainly not!" +he declared. "What an idea!" + +"Yes, wasn't it?" answered Aggie. "That just shows how silly one +can be. I almost thought Alfred was going to say that Zoie had +lunched with you." + +"Me?" again echoed Jimmy, and he wondered if everybody in the +world had conspired to make him the target of their attention. +He caught Aggie's eye and tried to laugh carelessly. "That would +have been funny, wouldn't it?" he said. + +"Yes, wouldn't it," repeated Aggie, and he thought he detected a +slight uneasiness in her voice. + +"Speaking of lunch," added Jimmy quickly, "I think, dearie, that +I'll come home for lunch in the future." + +"What?" exclaimed Aggie in great amazement. + +"Those downtown places upset my digestion," explained Jimmy +quickly. + +"Isn't this very SUDDEN," she asked, and again Jimmy fancied that +there was a shade of suspicion in her tone. + +His face assumed a martyred expression. "Of course, dear," he +said, "if you insist upon my eating downtown, I'll do it; but I +thought you'd be glad to have me at home." + +Aggie turned to him with real concern. "Why, Jimmy," she said, +"what's the matter with you?" She took a step toward him and +anxiously studied his face. "I never heard you talk like that +before. I don't think you're well." + +"That's just what I'm telling you," insisted Jimmy vehemently, +excited beyond all reason by receiving even this small bit of +sympathy. "I'm ill," he declared. No sooner had he made the +declaration than he began to believe in it. His doleful +countenance increased Aggie's alarm. + +"My angel-face," she purred, and she took his chubby cheeks in +her hands and looked down at him fondly. "You know I ALWAYS want +you to come home." She stooped and kissed Jimmy's pouting lips. +He held up his face for more. She smoothed the hair from his +worried brow and endeavoured to cheer him. "I'll run right home +now," she said, "and tell cook to get something nice and tempting +for you! I can see Zoie later." + +"It doesn't matter," murmured Jimmy, as he followed her toward +the door with a doleful shake of his head. "I don't suppose I +shall ever enjoy my luncheon again--as long as I live." + +"Nonsense," cried Aggie, "come along." + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +WHEN Alfred returned to the living room he was followed by his +secretary, who carried two well-filled satchels. His temper was +not improved by the discovery that he had left certain important +papers at his office. Dispatching his man to get them and to +meet him at the station with them, he collected a few remaining +letters from the drawer of the writing table, then uneasy at +remaining longer under the same roof with Zoie, he picked up his +hat, and started toward the hallway. For the first time his eye +was attracted by a thick layer of dust and lint on his coat +sleeve. Worse still, there was a smudge on his cuff. If there +was one thing more than another that Alfred detested it was +untidiness. Putting his hat down with a bang, he tried to flick +the dust from his sleeve with his pocket handkerchief; finding +this impossible, he removed his coat and began to shake it +violently. + +It was at this particular moment that Zoie's small face appeared +cautiously from behind the frame of the bedroom door. She was +quick to perceive Alfred's plight. Disappearing from view for an +instant, she soon reappeared with Alfred's favourite +clothes-brush. She tiptoed into the room. + +Barely had Alfred drawn his coat on his shoulders, when he was +startled by a quick little flutter of the brush on his sleeve. +He turned in surprise and beheld Zoie, who looked up at him as +penitent and irresistible as a newly-punished child. + +"Oh," snarled Alfred, and he glared at her as though he would +enjoy strangling her on the spot. + +"Alfred," pouted Zoie, and he knew she was going to add her +customary appeal of "Let's make up." But Alfred was in no mood +for nonsense. He thrust his hands in his pockets and made +straight for the outer doorway. + +Smiling to herself as she saw him leaving without his hat, Zoie +slipped it quickly beneath a flounce of her skirt. No sooner had +Alfred reached the sill of the door than his hand went +involuntarily to his head; he turned to the table where he had +left his hat. His face wore a puzzled look. He glanced beneath +the table, in the chair, behind the table, across the piano, and +then he began circling the room with pent up rage. He dashed +into his study and out again, he threw the chairs about with +increasing irritation, then giving up the search, he started +hatless toward the hallway. It was then that a soft babyish +voice reached his ear. + +"Have you lost something, dear?" cooed Zoie. + +Alfred hesitated. It was difficult to lower his dignity by +answering her, but he needed his headgear. "I want my hat," he +admitted shortly. + +"Your hat?" repeated Zoie innocently and she glanced around the +room with mild interest. "Maybe Mary took it." + +"Mary!" cried Alfred, and thinking the mystery solved, he dashed +toward the inner hallway. + +"Let ME get it, dear," pleaded Zoie, and she laid a small +detaining hand upon his arm as he passed. + +"Stop it!" commanded Alfred hotly, and he shook the small hand +from his sleeve as though it had been something poisonous. + +"But Allie," protested Zoie, pretending to be shocked and +grieved. + +"Don't you 'but Allie' me," cried Alfred, turning upon her +sharply. "All I want is my hat," and again he started in search +of Mary. + +"But--but--but Allie," stammered Zoie, as she followed him. + +"But--but--but," repeated Alfred, turning on her in a fury. +"You've butted me out of everything that I wanted all my life, +but you're not going to do it again." + +"You see, you said it yourself," laughed Zoie. + +"Said WHAT," roared Alfred. + +"But," tittered Zoie. + +The remnants of Alfred's self-control were forsaking him. He +clinched his fists hard in a final effort toward restraint. +"You'd just as well stop all these baby tricks," he threatened +between his teeth, "they're not going to work. THIS time my mind +is made up." + +"Then why are you afraid to talk to me?" asked Zoie sweetly. + +"Who said I was afraid?" demanded Alfred hotly. + +"You ACT like it," declared Zoie, with some truth on her side. +"You don't want----" she got no further. + +"All I want," interrupted Alfred, "is to get out of this house +once and for all and to stay out of it." And again he started in +pursuit of his hat. + +"Why, Allie," she gazed at him with deep reproach. "You liked +this place so much when we first came here." + +Again Alfred picked at the lint on his coat sleeve. Edging her +way toward him cautiously she ventured to touch his sleeve with +the brush. + +"I'll attend to that myself," he said curtly, and he sank into +the nearest chair to tie a refractory shoe lace. + +"Let me brush you, dear," pleaded Zoie. "I don't wish you to +start out in the world looking unbrushed," she pouted. Then with +a sly emphasis she added teasingly, "The OTHER women might not +admire you that way." + +Alfred broke his shoe string then and there. While he stooped to +tie a knot in it, Zoie managed to perch on the arm of his chair. + +"You know, Allie," she continued coaxingly, "no one could ever +love you as I do." + +Again Alfred broke his shoe lace. + +"Oh, Allie!" she exclaimed with a little ripple of childish +laughter, "do you remember how absurdly poor we were when we were +first married, and how you refused to take any help from your +family? And do you remember that silly old pair of black trousers +that used to get so thin on the knees and how I used to put +shoe-blacking underneath so the white wouldn't show through?" By +this time her arm managed to get around his neck. + +"Stop it!" shrieked Alfred as though mortal man could endure no +more. "You've used those trousers to settle every crisis in our +lives." + +Zoie gazed at him without daring to breathe; even she was aghast +at his fury, but only temporarily. She recovered herself and +continued sweetly: + +"If everything is SETTLED," she argued, "where's the harm in +talking?" + +"We've DONE with talking," declared Alfred. "From this on, I +act." And determined not to be cheated out of this final +decision, he again started for the hall door. + +"Oh, Allie!" cried Zoie in a tone of sharp alarm. + +In spite of himself Alfred turned to learn the cause of her +anxiety. + +"You haven't got your overshoes on," she said. + +Speechless with rage, Alfred continued on his way, but Zoie moved +before him swiftly. "I'll get them for you, dear," she +volunteered graciously. + +"Stop!" thundered Alfred. They were now face to face. + +"I wish you wouldn't roar like that," pouted Zoie, and the pink +tips of her fingers were thrust tight against her ears. + +Alfred drew in his breath and endeavoured for the last time to +repress his indignation. "Either you can't, or you won't +understand that it is extremely unpleasant for me to even talk to +you-- much less to receive your attentions." + +"Very likely," answered Zoie, unperturbed. "But so long as I am +your lawful wedded wife----" she emphasised the "lawful"--"I +shan't let any harm come to you, if _I_ can help it." She lifted +her eyes to heaven bidding it to bear witness to her martyrdom +and looking for all the world like a stained glass saint. + +"Oh, no!" shouted Alfred, almost hysterical at his apparent +failure to make himself understood. "You wouldn't let any harm +come to me. Oh, no. You've only made me the greatest joke in +Chicago," he shouted. "You've only made me such a laughing stock +that I have to leave it. That's all--that's all!" + +"Leave Chicago!" exclaimed Zoie incredulously. Then regaining +her self-composure, she edged her way close to him and looked up +into his eyes in baby-like wonderment. "Why, Allie, where are we +going?" Her small arm crept up toward his shoulder. Alfred +pushed it from him rudely. + +"WE are not going," he asserted in a firm, measured voice. "_I_ +am going. Where's my hat?" And again he started in search of his +absent headgear. + +"Oh, Allie!" she exclaimed, and this time there was genuine alarm +in her voice, "you wouldn't leave me?" + +"Wouldn't I, though?" sneered Alfred. Before he knew it, Zoie's +arms were about him--she was pleading desperately. + +"Now see here, Allie, you may call me all the names you like," +she cried with great self-abasement, "but you shan't--you SHAN'T +go away from Chicago." + +"Oh, indeed?" answered Alfred as he shook himself free of her. +"I suppose you'd like me to go on with this cat and dog +existence. You'd like me to stay right here and pay the bills +and take care of you, while you flirt with every Tom, Dick and +Harry in town." + +"It's only your horrid disposition that makes you talk like +that," whimpered Zoie. "You know very well that I never cared +for anybody but you." + +"Until you GOT me, yes," assented Alfred, "and NOW you care for +everybody BUT me." She was about to object, but he continued +quickly. "Where you MEET your gentlemen friends is beyond me. +_I_ don't introduce them to you." + +"I should say not," agreed Zoie, and there was a touch of +vindictiveness in her voice. "The only male creature that you +ever introduced to me was the family dog." + +"I introduce every man who's fit to meet you," declared Alfred +with an air of great pride. + +"That doesn't speak very well for your acquaintances," snipped +Zoie. Even HER temper was beginning to assert itself. + +"I won't bicker like this," declared Alfred. + +"That's what you always say, when you can't think of an answer," +retorted Zoie. + +"You mean when I'm tired of answering your nonsense!" thundered +Alfred. + + + +CHAPTER IX + +Realising that she was rapidly losing ground by exercising her +advantage over Alfred in the matter of quick retort, Zoie, with +her customary cunning, veered round to a more conciliatory tone. +"Well," she cooed, "suppose I DID eat lunch with a man?" + +"Ah!" shrieked Alfred, as though he had at last run his victim to +earth. + +She retreated with her fingers crossed. "I only said suppose," +she reminded him quickly. Then she continued in a tone meant to +draw from him his heart's most secret confidence. "Didn't you +ever eat lunch with any woman but me?" + +"Never!" answered Alfred firmly. + +There was an unmistakable expression of pleasure on Zoie's small +face, but she forced back the smile that was trying to creep +round her lips, and sidled toward Alfred, with eyes properly +downcast. "Then I'm very sorry I did it," she said solemnly, +"and I'll never do it again." + +"So!" cried Alfred with renewed indignation. "You admit it?" + +"Just to please you, dear," explained Zoie sweetly, as though she +were doing him the greatest possible favour. + +"To please me?" gasped Alfred. "Do you suppose it pleases me to +know that you are carrying on the moment my back is turned, +making a fool of me to my friends?" + +"Your friends?" cried Zoie with a sneer. This time it was her +turn to be angry. "So! It's your FRIENDS that are worrying you!" +In her excitement she tossed Alfred's now damaged hat into the +chair just behind her. He was far too overwrought to see it. +"_I_ haven't done you any harm," she continued wildly. "It's +only what you think your friends think." + +"You haven't done me any harm?" repeated Alfred, in her same +tragic key, "Oh no! Oh no! You've only cheated me out of +everything I expected to get out of life! That's all!" + +Zoie came to a full stop and waited for him to enumerate the +various treasures that he had lost by marrying her. He did so. + +"Before we were married," he continued, "you pretended to adore +children. You started your humbugging the first day I met you. +I refer to little Willie Peck." + +A hysterical giggle very nearly betrayed her. Alfred continued: + +"I was fool enough to let you know that I admire women who like +children. From that day until the hour that I led you to the +altar, you'd fondle the ugliest little brats that we met in the +street, but the moment you GOT me----" + +"Alfred!" gasped Zoie. This was really going too far. + +"Yes, I repeat it!" shouted Alfred, pounding the table with his +fist for emphasis. "The moment you GOT me, you declared that all +children were horrid little insects, and that someone ought to +sprinkle bug-powder on them." + +"Oh!" protested Zoie, shocked less by Alfred's interpretation of +her sentiments, than by the vulgarity with which he expressed +them. + +"On another occasion," declared Alfred, now carried away by the +recital of his long pent up wrongs, "you told me that all babies +should be put in cages, shipped West, and kept in pens until they +got to be of an interesting age. 'Interesting age!' " he +repeated with a sneer, "meaning old enough to take YOU out to +luncheon, I suppose." + +"I never said any such thing," objected Zoie. + +"Well, that was the idea," insisted Alfred. "I haven't your glib +way of expressing myself." + +"You manage to express yourself very well," retorted Zoie. "When +you have anything DISAGREEABLE to say. As for babies," she +continued tentatively, "I think they are all very well in their +PLACE, but they were NEVER meant for an APARTMENT." + +"I offered you a house in the country," shouted Alfred. + +"The country!" echoed Zoie. "How could I live in the country, +with people being murdered in their beds every night? Read the +papers." + +"Always an excuse," sighed Alfred resignedly. "There always HAS +been and there always would be if I'd stay to listen. Well, for +once," he declared, "I'm glad that we have no children. If we +had, I might feel some obligation to keep up this farce of a +marriage. As it is," he continued, "YOU are free and _I_ am +free." And with a courtly wave of his arm, he dismissed Zoie and +the entire subject, and again he started in pursuit of Mary and +his hat. + +"If it's your freedom you wish," pouted Zoie with an abused air, +"you might have said so in the first place." + +Alfred stopped in sheer amazement at the cleverness with which +the little minx turned his every statement against him. + +"It's not very manly of you," she continued, "to abuse me just +because you've found someone whom you like better." + +"That's not true," protested Alfred hotly, "and you know it's not +true." Little did he suspect the trap into which she was leading +him. + +"Then you DON'T love anybody more than you do me?" she cried +eagerly, and she gazed up at him with adoring eyes. + +"I didn't say any such thing," hedged Alfred. + +"Then you DO," she accused him. + +"I DON'T," he declared in self defence. + +With a cry of joy, she sprang into his arms, clasped her fingers +tightly behind his neck, and rained impulsive kisses upon his +unsuspecting face. + +For an instant, Alfred looked down at Zoie, undecided whether to +strangle her or to return her embraces. As usual, his +self-respect won the day for him and, with a determined effort, +he lifted her high in the air, so that she lost her tenacious +hold of him, and sat her down with a thud in the very same chair +in which she had lately dropped his hat. Having acted with this +admirable resolution, he strode majestically toward the inner +hall, but before he could reach it, Zoie was again on her feet, +in a last vain effort to conciliate him. Turning, Alfred caught +sight of his poor battered hat. This was the final spur to +action. Snatching it up with one hand, and throwing his latchkey +on the table with the other, he made determinedly for the outer +door. + +Screaming hysterically, Zoie caught him just as he reached the +threshold and threw the whole weight of her body upon him. + +"Alfred," she pleaded, "if you REALLY love me, you CAN'T leave me +like this!" Her emotion was now genuine. He looked down at her +gravely-- then into the future. + +"There are other things more important than what YOU call 'love,' +" he said, very solemnly. + +"There is such a thing as a soul, if you only knew it. And you +have hurt mine through and through." + +"But how, Alfred, how?" asked the small person, and there was a +frown of genuine perplexity on her tiny puckered brow. "What +have I REALLY DONE," She stroked his hand fondly; her baby eyes +searched his face. + +"It isn't so much what people DO to us that counts," answered +Alfred in a proud hurt voice. "It's how much they DISAPPOINT us +in what they do. I expected better of YOU," he said sadly. + +"I'll DO better," coaxed Zoie, "if you'll only give me a chance." + +He was half inclined to believe her. + +"Now, Allie," she pleaded, perceiving that his resentment was +dying and resolved to, at last, adopt a straight course, "if +you'll only listen, I'll tell you the REAL TRUTH." + +Unprepared for the electrical effect of her remark, Zoie found +herself staggering to keep her feet. She gazed at Alfred in +amazement. His arms were lifted to Heaven, his breath was coming +fast. + +" 'The REAL TRUTH!' " he gasped, then bringing his crushed hat +down on his forehead with a resounding whack, he rushed from her +sight. + +The clang of the closing elevator door brought Zoie to a +realisation of what had actually happened. Determined that +Alfred should not escape her she rushed to the hall door and +called to him wildly. There was no answer. Running back to the +room, she threw open the window and threw herself half out of it. +She was just in time to see Alfred climb into a passing taxi. +"Alfred!" she cried. Then automatically she flew to the 'phone. +"Give me 4302 Main," she called and she tried to force back her +tears. "Is this Hardy & Company?" she asked. + +"Well, this is Mrs. Hardy," she explained. + +"I wish you'd ring me up the moment my husband comes in." There +was a slight pause, then she clutched the receiver harder. "Not +COMING back?" she gasped. "Gone!--to Detroit?" A short moan +escaped her lips. She let the receiver fall back on the hook and +her head went forward on her outstretched arms. + + + +CHAPTER X + +When Jimmy came home to luncheon that day, Aggie succeeded in +getting a general idea of the state of affairs in the Hardy +household. Of course Jimmy didn't tell the whole truth. Oh, +no--far from it. In fact, he appeared to be aggravatingly +ignorant as to the exact cause of the Hardy upheaval. Of ONE +thing, however, he was certain. "Alfred was going to quit +Chicago and leave Zoie to her own devices." + +"Jimmy!" cried Aggie. "How awful!" and before Jimmy was fairly +out of the front gate, she had seized her hat and gloves and +rushed to the rescue of her friend. + +Not surprised at finding Zoie in a state of collapse, Aggie +opened her arms sympathetically to receive the weeping +confidences that she was sure would soon come. + +"Zoie dear," she said as the fragile mite rocked to and fro. +"What is it?" She pressed the soft ringlets from the girl's +throbbing forehead. + +"It's Alfred," sobbed Zoie. "He's gone!" + +"Yes, I know," answered Aggie tenderly. "Isn't it awful? Jimmy +just told me." + +"Jimmy told you WHAT?" questioned Zoie, and she lifted her head +and regarded Aggie with sudden uneasiness. Her friend's answer +raised Jimmy considerably in Zoie's esteem. Apparently he had +not breathed a word about the luncheon. + +"Why, Jimmy told me," continued Aggie, "that you and Alfred had +had another tiff, and that Alfred had gone for good." + +"For GOOD!" echoed Zoie and her eyes were wide with terror. "Did +Alfred tell Jimmy that?" + +Aggie nodded. + +"Then he MEANS it!" cried Zoie, at last fully convinced of the +strength of Alfred's resolve. "But he shan't," she declared +emphatically." I won't let him. I'll go after him. He has no +right----" By this time she was running aimlessly about the room. + +"What did you do to him?" asked Aggie, feeling sure that Zoie was +as usual at fault. + +"Nothing," answered Zoie with wide innocent eyes. + +"Nothing?" echoed Aggie, with little confidence in her friend's +ability to judge impartially about so personal a matter. + +"Absolutely nothing," affirmed Zoie. And there was no doubting +that she at least believed it. + +"What does he SAY," questioned Aggie diplomatically. + +"He SAYS I 'hurt his soul.' Whatever THAT is," answered Zoie, and +her face wore an injured expression. "Isn't that a nice excuse," +she continued, "for leaving your lawful wedded wife?" It was +apparent that she expected Aggie to rally strongly to her +defence. But at present Aggie was bent upon getting facts. + +"HOW did you hurt him?" she persisted. + +"I ate lunch," said Zoie with the face of a cherub. + +"With whom?" questioned Aggie slyly. She was beginning to scent +the probable origin of the misunderstanding. + +"It's of no consequence," answered Zoie carelessly; "I wouldn't +have wiped my feet on the man." By this time she had entirely +forgotten Aggie's proprietorship in the source of her trouble. + +"But who WAS the man?" urged Aggie, and in her mind, she had +already condemned him as a low, unprincipled creature. + +"What does that matter?" asked Zoie impatiently. "It's ANY man +with Alfred--you know that--ANY man! " + +Aggie sank in a chair and looked at her friend in despair. "Why +DO you do these things," she said wearily, "when you know how +Alfred feels about them?" + +"You talk as though I did nothing else," answered Zoie with an +aggrieved tone. "It's the first time since I've been married +that I've ever eaten lunch with any man but Alfred. I thought +you'd have a little sympathy with me," she whimpered, "instead of +putting me on the gridiron like everyone else does." + +"Everyone else?" questioned Aggie, with recurring suspicion. + +"I mean Alfred," explained Zoie. "HE'S 'everyone else' to me." +And then with a sudden abandonment of grief, she threw herself +prostrate at her friend's knees. "Oh, Aggie, what can I do?" she +cried. + +But Aggie was not satisfied with Zoie's fragmentary account of +her latest escapade. "Is that the only thing that Alfred has +against you?" she asked. + +"That's the LATEST," sniffled Zoie, in a heap at Aggie's feet. +And then she continued in a much aggrieved tone, "You know he's +ALWAYS rowing because we haven't as many babies as the cook has +cats." + +"Well, why don't you get him a baby?" asked the practical, +far-seeing Aggie. + +"It's too late NOW," moaned Zoie. + +"Not at all," reassured Aggie. "It's the very thing that would +bring him back." + +"How COULD I get one?" questioned Zoie, and she looked up at +Aggie with round astonished eyes. + +"Adopt it," answered Aggie decisively. + +Zoie regarded her friend with mingled disgust and disappointment. +"No," she said with a sigh and a shake of her head, "that +wouldn't do any good. Alfred's so fussy. He always wants his +OWN things around." + +"He needn't know," declared Aggie boldly. + +"What do you mean?" whispered Zoie. + +Drawing herself up with an air of great importance, and regarding +the wondering young person at her knee with smiling +condescension, Aggie prepared to make a most interesting +disclosure. + +"There was a long article in the paper only this morning," she +told Zoie, "saying that three thousand husbands in this VERY CITY +are fondling babies not their own." + +Zoie turned her small head to one side, the better to study +Aggie's face. It was apparent to the latter that she must be +much more explicit. + +"Babies adopted in their absence," explained Aggie, "while they +were on trips around the country." + +A dangerous light began to glitter in Zoie's eyes. + +"Aggie!" she cried, bringing her small hands together excitedly, +"do you think I COULD?" + +"Why not?" asked Aggie, with a very superior air. Zoie's +enthusiasm was increasing her friend's admiration of her own +scheme. "This same paper tells of a woman who adopted three sons +while her husband was in Europe, and he thinks each one of them +is his." + +"Where can we get some?" cried Zoie, now thoroughly enamoured of +the idea. + +"You can always get TONS of them at the Children's Home," +answered Aggie confidently. + +"I can't endure babies," declared Zoie, "but I'd do ANYTHING to +get Alfred back. Can we get one TO-DAY?" she asked. + +Aggie looked at her small friend with positive pity. "You don't +WANT one TO-DAY," she explained. + +Zoie rolled her large eyes inquiringly. + +"If you were to get one to-day," continued Aggie, "Alfred would +know it wasn't yours, wouldn't he?" + +A light of understanding began to show on Zoie's small features. + +"There was none when he left this morning," added Aggie. + +"That's true," acquiesced Zoie. + +"You must wait awhile," counselled Aggie, "and then get a +perfectly new one." + +But Zoie had never been taught to wait. + +"Now Aggie----" she began. + +Aggie continued without heeding her. + +"After a few months," she explained, "when Alfred's temper has +had time to cool, we'll get Jimmy to send him a wire that he has +an heir." + +"A few months!" exclaimed Zoie, as though Aggie had suggested an +eternity. "I've never been away from Alfred that long in all my +life." + +Aggie was visibly annoyed. "Well, of course," she said coldly, +as she rose to go, "if you can get Alfred back WITHOUT that----" + +"But I can't!" cried Zoie, and she clung to her friend as to her +last remaining hope. + +"Then," answered Aggie, somewhat mollified by Zoie's complete +submission. "THIS is the only way. The President of the +Children's Home is a great friend of Jimmy's," she said proudly. + +It was at this point that Zoie made her first practical +suggestion. "Then we'll LET JIMMY GET IT," she declared. + +"Of course," agreed Aggie enthusiastically, as though they would +be according the poor soul a rare privilege. "Jimmy gives a +hundred dollars to the Home every Christmas,"--additional proof +why he should be selected for this very important office. + +"Good Heavens!" exclaimed Zoie with shocked surprise. "If Alfred +were to give a hundred dollars to a Baby's Home, I should suspect +him." + +"Don't be silly!" snapped Aggie curtly. In spite of her firm +faith in Jimmy's innocence, she was undoubtedly annoyed by Zoie's +unpleasant suggestion. + +There was an instant's pause, then putting disagreeable thoughts +from her mind, Aggie turned to Zoie with renewed enthusiasm. + +"We must get down to business," she said, "we'll begin on the +baby's outfit at once." + +"Its what?" queried Zoie. + +"Its clothes," explained Aggie. + +"Oh, what fun!" exclaimed Zoie, and she clapped her hands merrily +like a very small child. A moment later she stopped with sudden +misgiving. + +"But, Aggie," she said fearfully, "suppose Alfred shouldn't come +back after I've got the baby? I'd be a widow with a child." + +"Oh, he's sure to come back!" answered Aggie, with a confident +air. "He'll take the first train, home." + +"I believe he will," assented Zoie joyfully. All her clouds were +again dispelled. "Aggie," she cried impulsively, "you are a +darling. You have just saved my life." And she clasped her arms +so tightly around Aggie's neck that her friend was in danger of +being suffocated. + +Releasing herself Aggie continued with a ruffled collar and +raised vanity: "You can write him an insinuating letter now and +then, just to lead up to the good news gradually." + +Zoie tipped her small head to one side and studied her friend +thoughtfully. "Do you know, Aggie," she said, with frank +admiration, "I believe you are a better liar than I am." + +"I'm NOT a liar," objected Aggie vehemently, "at least, not +often," she corrected. "I've + +never lied to Jimmy in all my life." She drew herself up with +conscious pride. "And Jimmy has NEVER LIED TO ME." + +"Isn't that nice," sniffed Zoie and she pretended to be searching +for her pocket-handkerchief. + +But Aggie did not see her. She was glancing at the clock. + +"I must go now," she said. And she started toward the door. + +"But, Aggie----" protested Zoie, unwilling to be left alone. + +"I'll run in again at tea time," promised Aggie. + +"I don't mind the DAYS," whined Zoie, "but when NIGHT comes I +just MUST have somebody's arms around me." + +"Zoie!" gasped Aggie, both shocked and alarmed. + +"I can't help it," confessed Zoie; "the moment it gets dark I'm +just scared stiff." + +"That's no way for a MOTHER to talk," reproved Aggie. + +"A mother!" exclaimed Zoie, horrified at the sudden realisation +that this awful appellation would undoubtedly pursue her for the +rest of her life. "Oh, don't call me that," she pleaded. "You +make me feel a thousand years old." + +"Nonsense," laughed Aggie, and before Zoie could again detain her +she was out of the room. + +When the outside door had closed behind her friend, Zoie gazed +about the room disconsolately, but her depression was +short-lived. Remembering Aggie's permission about the letter, +she ran quickly to the writing table, curled her small self up on +one foot, placed a brand new pen in the holder, then drew a sheet +of paper toward her and, with shoulders hunched high and her face +close to the paper after the manner of a child, she began to pen +the first of a series of veiled communications that were +ultimately to fill her young husband with amazement. + + + +CHAPTER XI + +When Jimmy reached his office after his unforeseen call upon +Zoie, his subsequent encounter with Alfred, and his enforced +luncheon at home with Aggie, he found his mail, his 'phone calls, +and his neglected appointments in a state of hopeless congestion, +and try as he would, he could not concentrate upon their +disentanglement. Growing more and more furious with the long +legged secretary who stood at the corner of his desk, looking +down upon him expectantly, and waiting for his tardy +instructions, Jimmy rose and looked out of the window. He could +feel Andrew's reproachful eyes following him. + +"Shall Miss Perkins take your letters now?" asked Andrew, and he +wondered how late the office staff would be kept to-night to make +up for the time that was now being wasted. + +Coming after repeated wounds from his nearest and dearest, +Andrew's implied reproach was too much for Jimmy's overwrought +nerves. "Get out!" he answered unceremoniously. And when Andrew +could assure himself that he had heard aright, he stalked out of +the door with his head high in the air. + +Jimmy looked after his departing secretary with positive hatred. +It was apparent to him that the whole world was against him. He +had been too easy he decided. His family, friends, and business +associates had undoubtedly lost all respect for him. From this +day forth he was determined to show himself to be a man of strong +mettle. + +Having made this important decision and having convinced himself +that he was about to start on a new life, Jimmy strode to the +door of the office and, without disturbing the injured Andrew, he +called sharply to Miss Perkins to come at once and take his +letters. + +Poor Jimmy! Again he tried in vain to concentrate upon the +details of the "cut-glass" industry. Invariably his mind would +wander back to the unexpected incidents of the morning. Stopping +suddenly in the middle of a letter to a competing firm, he began +pacing hurriedly up and down the room. + +Had she not feared that her chief might misconstrue any +suggestion from her as an act of impertinence, Miss Perkins, +having learned all the company's cut-glass quotations by rote, +could easily have supplied the remainder of the letter. As it +was, she waited impatiently, tapping the corner of the desk with +her idle pencil. Jimmy turned at the sound, and glanced at the +pencil with unmistakable disapproval. Miss Perkins waited in +silence. After one or two more uneasy laps about the room, Jimmy +went to his 'phone and called his house number. + +"It's undoubtedly domestic trouble," decided Miss Perkins, and +she wondered whether it would be delicate of her, under the +circumstances, to remain in the room. + +From her employer's conversation at the 'phone, it was clear to +Miss Perkins that Mrs. Jinks was spending the afternoon with Mrs +Hardy, but why this should have so annoyed MR. Jinks was a +question that Miss Perkins found it difficult to answer. Was it +possible that Mr. Jinks's present state of unrest could be +traced to the door of the beautiful young wife of his friend?" Oh +dear," thought Miss Perkins, "how scandalous!" + +"That will do," commanded Jimmy, interrupting Miss Perkins's +interesting speculations, and he nodded toward the door. + +"But----" stammered Miss Perkins, as she glanced at the +unfinished letters. + +"I'll call you when I need you," answered Jimmy gruffly. Miss +Perkins left the room in high dudgeon. + +"I'LL show them," said Jimmy to himself, determined to carry out +his recent resolve to be firm. + +Then his mind wend back to his domestic troubles. "Suppose, that +Zoie, after imposing secrecy upon him, should change that thing +called her 'mind' and confide in Aggie about the luncheon?" Jimmy +was positively pale. He decided to telephone to Zoie's house and +find out how affairs were progressing. At the 'phone he +hesitated. "If Aggie HAS found out about the luncheon," he +argued, "my 'phoning to Zoie's will increase her suspicions. If +Zoie has told her nothing, she'll wonder why I'm 'phoning to +Zoie's house. There's only one thing to do," he decided. "I +must wait and say nothing. I can tell from Aggie's face when I +meet her at dinner whether Zoie has betrayed me." + +Having arrived at this conclusion, Jimmy resolved to get home as +early as possible, and again Miss Perkins was called to his aid. + +The flurry with which Jimmy despatched the day's remaining +business confirmed both Miss Perkins and Andrew in their previous +opinion that "the boss" had suddenly "gone off his head." And +when he at last left the office and banged the door behind him +there was a general sigh of relief from his usually tranquil +staff. + +Instead of walking, as was his custom, Jimmy took a taxi to his +home but alas, to his surprise he found no wife. + +"Did Mrs. Jinks leave any word?" he inquired from the butler. + +"None at all," answered that unperturbed creature; and Jimmy felt +sure that the attitude of his office antagonists had communicated +itself to his household servants. + +When Jimmy's anxious ear at last caught the rustle of a woman's +dress in the hallway, his dinner had been waiting half an hour, +and he had worked himself into a state of fierce antagonism +toward everything and everybody. + +At the sound of Aggie's voice however, his heart began to pound +with fear. "Had she found him out for the weak miserable +deceiver that he was? Would she tell him that they were going to +separate forever?" + +Aggie's first words were reassuring. "Awfully sorry to be so +late, dear," she said. + +Jimmy felt her kiss upon his chubby cheek and her dear arms about +his neck. He decided forthwith to tell her everything, and +never, never again to run the risk of deceiving her; but before +he could open his lips, she continued gaily: + +"I've brought Zoie home with me, dear. There's no sense in her +eating all alone, and she's going to have ALL her dinners with +us." Jimmy groaned. "After dinner," continued Aggie, "you and I +can take her to the theatre and all those places and keep her +cheered until Alfred comes home." + +"Home?" repeated Jimmy in alarm. Was it possible that Alfred had +already relented? + +"Oh, he doesn't know it yet," explained Aggie, "but he's coming. +We'll tell you all about it at dinner." And they did. + +While waiting for Aggie, Jimmy had thought himself hungry, but +once the two women had laid before him their "nefarious +baby-snatching scheme"--food lost its savour for him, and one +course after another was taken away from him untouched. + +Each time that Jimmy ventured a mild objection to his part in the +plan, as scheduled by them, he met the threatening eye of Zoie; +and by the time that the three left the table he was so harassed +and confused by the chatter of the two excited women, that he was +not only reconciled but eager to enter into any scheme that might +bring Alfred back, and free him of the enforced companionship of +Alfred's nerve-racking wife. True, he reflected, it was possible +that Alfred, on his return, might discover him to be the culprit +who lunched with Zoie and might carry out his murderous threat; +but even such a fate was certainly preferable to interminable +evenings spent under the same roof with Zoie. + +"All YOU need do, Jimmy," explained Aggie sweetly, when the three +of them were comfortably settled in the library, "is to see your +friend the Superintendent of the Babies' Home, and tell him just +what kind of a baby we shall need, and when we shall need it." + +"Can't we see it ourselves?" chimed in Zoie. + +"Oh yes, indeed," said Aggie confidently, and she turned to Jimmy +with a matter-of-fact tone. "You'd better tell the +Superintendent to have several for us to look at when the time +arrives." + +"Yes, that's better," agreed Zoie. + +As for Jimmy, he had long ceased to make any audible comment, but +internally he was saying to himself: "man of strong mettle, +indeed!" + +"We'll attend to all the clothes for the child," said Aggie +generously to Jimmy. + +"I want everything to be hand-made," exclaimed Zoie +enthusiastically. + +"We can make a great many of the things ourselves, evenings," +said Aggie, "while we sit here and talk to Jimmy." + +"I thought we were going OUT evenings!" objected Zoie. + +Jimmy rolled his eyes toward her like a dumb beast of burden. + +"MOST evenings," assented Aggie. "And then toward the last, you +know, Zoie----" she hesitated to explain further, for Jimmy was +already becoming visibly embarrassed. + +"Oh, yes, that's true," blushed Zoie. + +There was an awkward pause, then Aggie turned again toward Jimmy, +who was pretending to rebuild the fire. "Oh yes, one more +thing," she said. "When everything is quite ready for Alfred's +return, we'll allow you, Jimmy dear, to wire him the good news." + +"Thanks, so much," said Jimmy. + +"I wish it were time to wire now," said Zoie pensively, and in +his mind, Jimmy fervently agreed with that sentiment. + +"The next few months will slip by before you know it," declared +Aggie cheerfully. "And by the way, Zoie," she added, "why should +you go back to your lonesome flat to-night?" + +Zoie began to feel for her pocket handkerchief --Jimmy sat up to +receive the next blow. "Stay here with us," suggested Aggie. +"We'll be so glad to have you." She included Jimmy in her +glance. "Won't we, dear?" she asked. + +When the two girls went upstairs arm in arm that night, Jimmy +remained in his chair by the fire, too exhausted to even prepare +for bed. "A man of mettle!" he said again to himself. + +This had certainly been the longest day of his life. + + + +CHAPTER XII + +WHEN Aggie predicted that the few months of waiting would pass +quickly for Zoie, she was quite correct. They passed quickly for +Aggie as well; but how about Jimmy? When he afterward recalled +this interval in his life, it was always associated with long +strands of lace winding around the legs of the library chairs, +white things lying about in all the places where he had once +enjoyed sitting or lying, late dinners, lonely breakfasts, and a +sense of isolation from Aggie. + +One evening when he had waited until he was out of all patience +with Aggie, he was told by his late and apologetical spouse that +she had been helping Zoie to redecorate her bedroom to fit the +coming occasion. + +"It is all done in pink and white," explained Aggie, and then +followed detailed accounts of the exquisite bed linens, the soft +lovely hangings, and even the entire relighting of the room. + +"Why pink?" asked Jimmy, objecting to any scheme of Zoie's on +general principles. + +"It's Alfred's favourite colour," explained Aggie. "Besides, +it's so becoming," she added. + +Jimmy could not help feeling that this lure to Alfred's senses +was absolutely indecent, and he said so. + +"Upon my word," answered Aggie, quite affronted, "you are getting +as unreasonable as Alfred himself." Then as Jimmy prepared to +sulk, she added coaxingly, "I was GOING to tell you about Zoie's +lovely new negligee, and about the dear little crib that just +matches it. Everything is going to be in harmony." + +"With Zoie in the house?" asked Jimmy sceptically. + +"I can't think why you've taken such a dislike to that helpless +child," said Aggie. + +A few days later, while in the midst of his morning's mail, Jimmy +was informed that it was now time for him to conduct Aggie and +Zoie to the Babies' Home to select the last, but most important, +detail for their coming campaign. According to instructions, +Jimmy had been in communication with the amused Superintendent of +the Home, and he now led the two women forth with the proud +consciousness that he, at least, had attended properly to his +part of the business. By the time they reached the Children's +Home, several babies were on view for their critical inspection. + +Zoie stared into the various cribs containing the wee, red mites +with puckered faces. "Oh dear!" she exclaimed, "haven't you any +white ones?" + +"These are supposed to be white," said the Superintendent, with +an indulgent smile," the black ones are on the other side of the +room." + +"Black ones!" cried Zoie in horror, and she faced about quickly +as though expecting an attack from their direction. + +"Which particular one of these would you recommend?" asked the +practical Aggie of the Superintendent as she surveyed the first +lot. + +"Well, it's largely a matter of taste, ma'am," he answered. +"This seems a healthy little chap," he added, and seizing the +long white clothes of the nearest infant, he drew him across his +arm and held him out for Aggie's inspection. + +"Let's see," cried Zoie, and she stood on tiptoe to peep over the +Superintendent's elbow. + +As for Jimmy, he stood gloomily apart. This was an ordeal for +which he had long been preparing himself, and he was resolved to +accept it philosophically. + +"I don't think much of that one," snipped Zoie. And in spite of +himself. Jimmy felt his temper rising. + +Aggie turned to him with a smile. "Which one do YOU prefer, +Jimmy?" + +"It's not MY affair," answered Jimmy curtly. + +"Since when?" asked Zoie. + +Aggie perceived trouble brewing, and she turned to pacify Jimmy. +"Which one do you think your FRIEND ALFRED would like?" she +persisted. + +"If I were in his place----" began Jimmy hotly. + +"Oh, but you AREN'T," interrupted Zoie; then she turned to the +Superintendent. "What makes some of them so much larger than +others?" she asked, glancing at the babies he had CALLED "white." + +"Well, you see they're of different ages," explained the +Superintendent indulgently. + +"We told Mr. Jinks they must all be of the same age," said Zoie +with a reproachful look at Jimmy. + +"What age is that?" asked the Superintendent. + +"I should say a week old," said Aggie. + +"Then this is the one for you," decided the Superintendent, +designating his first choice. + +"I think we'd better take the Superintendent's advice," said +Aggie complacently. + +Zoie looked around the room with a dissatisfied air. Was it +possible that all babies were as homely as these? + +"You know, Zoie," explained Aggie, divining her thought, "they +get better looking as they grow older." + +"They couldn't look worse!" was Zoie's disgusted comment. + +"Fetch it home, Jimmy," said Aggie. + +"What!" exclaimed Jimmy, who had considered his mission +completed. + +"You don't expect US to carry it, do you?" asked Aggie in a hurt +voice. + +The Superintendent settled the difficulty temporarily by +informing them that the baby could not possibly leave the home +until the mother had signed the necessary papers for its release. + +"I thought all those details had been attended to," said Aggie, +and again the two women surveyed Jimmy with grieved +disappointment. + +"I'll get the mother's signature the first thing in the morning," +volunteered the Superintendent. + +"Very well," said Zoie, "and in the meantime, I'll send some new +clothes for it," and with a lofty farewell to the Superintendent, +she and Aggie followed Jimmy down stairs to the taxi. + +"Now," said Zoie, when they were properly seated, "let's stop at +a telegraph office and let Jimmy send a wire to Alfred." + +"Wait until we get the baby," cautioned Aggie. + +"We'll have it the first thing in the morning," argued Zoie. + +"Jimmy can send him a night-letter," compromised Aggie, "that way +Alfred won't get the news until morning." + +A few minutes later, the taxi stopped in front of Jimmy's office +and with a sigh of thanksgiving he hurried upstairs to his +unanswered mail. + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +When Alfred Hardy found himself on the train bound for Detroit, +he tried to assure himself that he had done the right thing in +breaking away from an association that had kept him for months in +a constant state of ferment. His business must come first, he +decided. Having settled this point to his temporary +satisfaction, he opened his afternoon paper and leaned back in +his seat, meaning to divert his mind from personal matters, by +learning what was going on in the world at large. + +No sooner had his eye scanned the first headline than he was +startled by a boisterous greeting from a fellow traveller, who +was just passing down the aisle. + +"Hello, Hardy!" cried his well meaning acquaintance. "Where are +you bound for?" + +"Detroit," answered Alfred, annoyed by the sudden interruption. + +"Where's the missus?" asked the intruder. + +"Chicago," was Alfred's short reply. + +"THAT'S a funny thing," declared the convivial spirit, not +guessing how funny it really was. "You know," he continued, so +loud that everyone in the vicinity could not fail to hear him, +"the last time I met you two, you were on your honeymoon--on THIS +VERY TRAIN," and with that the fellow sat himself down, +uninvited, by Alfred's side and started on a long list of +compliments about "the fine little girl" who had in his opinion +done Alfred a great favour when she consented to tie herself to a +"dull, money-grubbing chap" like him. + +"So," thought Alfred, "this is the way the world sees us." And +he began to frame inaudible but desperate defences of himself. +Again he told himself that he was right; but his friend's +thoughtless words had planted an uncomfortable doubt in his mind, +and when he left the train to drive to his hotel, he was thinking +very little about the new business relations upon which he was +entering in Detroit, and very much about the domestic relations +which he had just severed in Chicago. + +Had he been merely a "dull money-grubber"? Had he left his wife +too much alone? Was she not a mere child when he married her? +Could he not, with more consideration, have made of her a more +understanding companion? These were questions that were still +unanswered in his mind when he arrived at one of Detroit's most +enterprising hotels. + +But later, having telephoned to his office and found that several +matters of importance were awaiting his decision, he forced +himself to enter immediately upon his business obligations. + +As might have been expected, Alfred soon won the respect and +serious consideration of most of his new business associates, and +this in a measure so mollified his hurt pride, that upon rare +occasions he was affable enough to accept the hospitality of +their homes. But each excursion that he made into the social +life of these new friends, only served to remind him of the +unsettled state of his domestic affairs. + +"How your wife must miss you!" his hostess would remark before +they were fairly seated at table. + +"They tell me she is so pretty," his vis-a-vis would exclaim. + +"When is she going to join you?" the lady on his left would ask. + +Then his host would laugh and tell the "dear ladies" that in HIS +opinion, Alfred was afraid to bring his wife to Detroit, lest he +might lose her to a handsomer man. + +Alfred could never quite understand why remarks such as this +annoyed him almost to the point of declaring the whole truth. +His LEAVING Zoie, and his "losing" her, as these would-be +comedians expressed it, were two separate and distinct things in +his mind, and he felt an almost irresistible desire to make this +plain to all concerned. + +But no sooner did he open his lips to do so, than a picture of +Zoie in all her child-like pleading loveliness, arose to dissuade +him. He could imagine his dinner companions all pretending to +sympathise with him, while they flayed poor Zoie alive. She +would never have another chance to be known as a respectable +woman, and compared to most women of his acquaintance, she WAS a +respectable woman. True, according to old- fashioned standards, +she had been indiscreet, but apparently the present day woman had +a standard of her own. Alfred found his eye wandering round the +table surveying the wives of his friends. Was there one of them, +he wondered, who had never fibbed to her husband, or eaten a +simple luncheon unchaperoned by him? Of one thing he was certain, +there was not one of them so attractive as Zoie. Might she not +be forgiven, to some extent, if her physical charms had made her +a source of dangerous temptation to unprincipled scoundrels like +the one with whom she had no doubt lunched? Then, too, had she +not offered at the moment of his departure to tell him the "real +truth"? Might this not have been the one occasion upon which she +would have done so? "She seemed so sincere," he ruminated, "so +truly penitent." Then again, how generous it was of her to +persist in writing to him with never an answer from him to +encourage her. If she cared for him so little as he had once +imagined, why should she wish to keep up even a presence of +fondness? Her letters indicated an undying devotion. + +These were some of the thoughts that were going through Alfred's +mind just three months after his departure from Chicago, and all +the while his hostess was mentally dubbing him a "dull person." + +"What an abstracted man he is!" she said before he was down the +front steps. + +"Is he really so clever in business?" a woman friend inquired. + +"It's hard to believe, isn't it?" commented a third, and his host +apologised for the absent Alfred by saying that he was no doubt +worried about a particular business decision that had to be made +the next morning. + +But it was not the responsibility of this business decision that +was knotting Alfred's brow, as he walked hurriedly toward the +hotel, where he had told his office boy to leave the last mail. +This had been the longest interval that Zoie had ever let slip +without writing. He recalled that her last letters had hinted at +a "slight indisposition." In fact, she had even mentioned +"seeing the doctor"--"Good Heavens!" he thought, "Suppose she +were really ill? Who would look after her?" + +When Alfred reached his rooms, the boy had not yet arrived. He +crossed to the library table and took from the drawer all the +letters thus far received from Zoie. He read them consecutively. +"How could he have been so stupid as not to have realised sooner +that her illness--whatever it was--had been gradually creeping +upon her from the very first day of his departure?" + +The boy arrived with the mail. It contained no letter from Zoie +and Alfred went to bed with an uneasy mind. + +The next morning he was down at his office early, still no letter +from Zoie. + +Refusing his partner's invitation to lunch, Alfred sat alone in +his office, glad to be rid of intrusive eyes. "He would write to +Jimmy Jinks," he decided, "and find out whether Zoie were in any +immediate danger." + +Not willing to await the return of his stenographer, or to +acquaint her with his personal affairs, Alfred drew pen and paper +toward him and sat helplessly before it. How could he inquire +about Zoie without appearing to invite a reconciliation with her? +While he was trying to answer this vexed question, a sharp knock +came at the door. He turned to see a uniformed messenger holding +a telegram toward him. Intuitively he felt that it contained +some word about Zoie. His hand trembled so that he could +scarcely sign for the message before opening it. + +A moment later the messenger boy was startled out of his lethargy +by a succession of contradictory exclamations. + +"No!" cried Alfred incredulously as he gazed in ecstasy at the +telegram. "Yes!" he shouted, excitedly, as he rose from his +chair. "Where's a time table?" he asked the astonished boy, and +he began rummaging rapidly through the drawers of his desk. + +"Any answer?" inquired the messenger. + +"Take this," said Alfred. And he thrust a bill into the small +boy's hand. + +"Yes, sir," answered the boy and disappeared quickly, lest this +madman might reconsider his generosity. + +Alfred threw down the time table in despair. "No train for +Chicago until night," he cried; but his mind was working fast. +The next moment he was at the telephone, asking for the Division +Superintendent of the railway line. + +When Alfred's partner returned from luncheon he found a curt note +informing him that Alfred had left on a special for Chicago and +would "write." + +"I'll bet it's his wife!" said the partner. + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +During the evening of the same day that Alfred was enjoying such +pleasurable emotions, Zoie and Aggie were closeted in the pretty +pink and white bedroom that the latter had tried to describe to +Jimmy. On a rose-coloured couch in front of the fire sat Aggie +threading ribbons through various bits of soft white linen, and +in front of her, at the foot of a rose-draped bed, knelt Zoie. +She was trying the effect of a large pink bow against the lace +flounce of an empty but inviting bassinette. + +"How's that?" she called to Aggie, as she turned her head to one +side and surveyed the result of her experiment with a critical +eye. + +Aggie shot a grudging glance at the bassinette. "I wish you +wouldn't bother me every moment," she said. "I'll never get all +these things finished." + +Apparently Zoie decided that the bow was properly placed, for she +applied herself to sewing it fast to the lining. In her +excitement she gave the thread a vicious pull. "Oh, dear, oh +dear, my thread is always breaking!" she sighed in vexation. + +"You're excited," said Aggie. + +"Wouldn't YOU be excited," questioned Zoie' "if you were +expecting a baby and a husband in the morning?" + +"I suppose I should," admitted Aggie. + +For a time the two friends sewed in silence, then Zoie looked up +with sudden anxiety. + +"You're SURE Jimmy sent the wire?" she asked. + +"I saw him write it," answered Aggie, "while I was in the office +to-day." + +"When will Alfred get it?" demanded Zoie eagerly. + +"Oh, he won't GET it until to-morrow morning," said Aggie. "I +told you that to-day. It's a night message." + +"I wonder what he'll be doing when he gets it?" mused Zoie. +There was a suspicion of a smile around her lips. + +"What will he do AFTER he gets it?" questioned Aggie. + +Looking up at her friend in alarm, Zoie suddenly ceased sewing. +"You don't mean he won't come?" she gasped. + +"Of course I don't," answered Aggie. "He's only HUMAN if he is a +husband." + +There was a sceptical expression around Zoie's mouth, but she did +not pursue the subject. "How do you suppose that red baby will +ever look in this pink basket?" she asked. And then with a +regretful little sigh, she declared that she wished she'd "used +blue." + +"I didn't think the baby that we chose was so horribly red," said +Aggie. + +"Red!" cried Zoie, "it's magenta." And again her thread broke. +"Oh, darn!" she exclaimed in annoyance, and once more rethreaded +her needle. "I couldn't look at it," she continued with a +disgusted little pucker of her face. "I wish they had let us +take it this afternoon so I could have got used to it before +Alfred gets here." + +"Now don't be silly," scolded Aggie. "You know very well that +the Superintendent can't let it leave the home until its mother +signs the papers. It will be here the first thing in the +morning. You'll have all day to get used to it before Alfred +gets here." + +"ALL DAY," echoed Zoie, and the corners of her mouth began to +droop. "Won't Alfred be here before TO-MORROW NIGHT?" + +Aggie was becoming exasperated by Zoie's endless questions. "I +told you," she explained wearily, "that the wire won't be +delivered until to-morrow morning, it will take Alfred eight +hours to get here, and there may not be a train just that +minute." + +"Eight long hours," sighed Zoie dismally. And Aggie looked at +her reproachfully, forgetting that it is always the last hour +that is hardest to bear. Zoie resumed her sewing resignedly. +Aggie was meditating whether she should read her young friend a +lecture on the value of patience, when the telephone began to +ring violently. + +Zoie looked up from her sewing with a frown. "You answer it, +will you, Aggie?" she said. "I can't let go this thread." + +"Hello," called Aggie sweetly over the 'phone; then she added in +surprise, "Is this you, Jimmy dear?" Apparently it was; and as +Zoie watched Aggie's face, with its increasing distress she +surmised that Jimmy's message was anything but "dear." + +"Good heavens!" cried Aggie over the telephone, "that's awful!" + +"Isn't Alfred coming?" was the first question that burst from +Zoie's lips. + +Aggie motioned to Zoie to be quiet. "TO- NIGHT!" she exclaimed. + +"To-night!" echoed Zoie joyfully; and without waiting for more +details and with no thought beyond the moment, she flew to her +dressing table and began arranging her hair, powdering her face, +perfuming her lips, and making herself particularly alluring for +the prodigal husband's return. + +Now the far-sighted Aggie was experiencing less pleasant +sensations at the phone. "A special?" she was saying to Jimmy. +"When did Alfred GET the message?" There was a slight pause. +Then she asked irritably, "Well, didn't you mark it 'NIGHT +message'?" From the expression on Aggie's face it was evident +that he had not done so. "But, Jimmy," protested Aggie, "this is +dreadful! We haven't any baby!" Then calling to him to wait a +minute, and leaving the receiver dangling, she crossed the room +to Zoie, who was now thoroughly engrossed in the making of a +fresh toilet. "Zoie!" she exclaimed excitedly, "Jimmy made a +mistake." + +"Of course he'd do THAT," answered Zoie carelessly. + +"But you don't understand," persisted Aggie. "They sent the +'NIGHT message' TO-DAY. Alfred's coming on a special. He'll be +here tonight." + +"Thank goodness for that!" cried Zoie, and the next instant she +was waltzing gaily about the room. + +"That's all very well," answered Aggie, as she followed Zoie with +anxious eyes, "but WHERE'S YOUR BABY?" + +"Good heavens!" cried Zoie, and for the first time she became +conscious of their predicament. She gazed at Aggie in +consternation. "I forgot all about it," she said, and then asked +with growing anxiety, "What can we DO?" + +"Do?" echoed Aggie, scarcely knowing herself what answer to make, +"we've got to GET it-- TO-NIGHT. That's all!" + +"But," protested Zoie, "how CAN we get it when the mother hasn't +signed the papers yet?" + +"Jimmy will have to arrange that with the Superintendent of the +Home," answered Aggie with decision, and she turned toward the +'phone to instruct Jimmy accordingly. + +"Yes, that's right," assented Zoie, glad to be rid of all further +responsibility, "we'll let Jimmy fix it." + +"Say, Jimmy," called Aggie excitedly, "you'll have to go straight +to the Children's Home and get that baby just as quickly as you +can. There's some red tape about the mother signing papers, but +don't mind about that. Make them give it to you to-night. +Hurry, Jimmy. Don't waste a minute." + +There was evidently a protest from the other end of the wire, for +Aggie added impatiently, "Go on, Jimmy, do! You can EAT any +time." And with that she hung up the receiver. + +"Its clothes," called Zoie frantically. "Tell him about the +clothes. I sent them this evening." + +"Never mind about the clothes," answered Aggie. "We're lucky if +we get the baby." + +"But I have to mind," persisted Zoie. "I gave all its other +things to the laundress. I wanted them to be nice and fresh. +And now the horrid old creature hasn't brought them back yet." + +"You get into your OWN things," commanded Aggie. + +"Where's my dressing gown?" asked Zoie, her elation revived by +the thought of her fine raiment, and with that she flew to the +foot of the bed and snatched up two of the prettiest negligees +ever imported from Paris. "Which do you like better?" she asked, +as she held them both aloft, "the pink or the blue?" + +"It doesn't matter," answered Aggie wearily. "Get into +SOMETHING, that's all." + +"Then unhook me," commanded Zoie gaily, as she turned her back to +Aggie, and continued to admire the two "creations" on her arm. +So pleased was she with the picture of herself in either of the +garments that she began humming a gay waltz and swaying to the +rhythm. + +"Stand still," commanded Aggie, but her warning was unnecessary, +for at that moment Zoie was transfixed by a horrible fear. + +"Suppose," she said in alarm, "that Jimmy can't GET the baby?" + +"He's GOT to get it," answered Aggie emphatically, and she undid +the last stubborn hook of Zoie's gown and put the girl from her. +"There, now, you're all unfastened," she said, "hurry and get +dressed." + +"You mean undressed," laughed Zoie, as she let her pretty evening +gown fall lightly from her shoulders and drew on her pink +negligee. "Oh, Aggie!" she exclaimed, as she caught sight of her +reflection in the mirror, "isn't it a love? And you know," she +added. "Alfred just adores pink." + +"Silly!" answered Aggie, but in spite of herself, she was quite +thrilled by the picture of the exquisite young creature before +her. Zoie had certainly never looked more irresistible. "Can't +you get some of that colour out of your cheeks," asked Aggie in +despair. "You look like a washerwoman." + +"I'll put on some cold cream and powder," answered Zoie. She +flew to her dressing table; and in a moment there was a white +cloud in her immediate vicinity. She turned to Aggie to inquire +the result. Again the 'phone rang. "Who's that?" she exclaimed +in alarm. + +"I'll see," answered Aggie. + +"It couldn't be Alfred, could it?" asked Zoie with mingled hope +and dread. + +"Of course not," answered Aggie, as she removed the receiver from +the hook. "Alfred wouldn't 'phone, he would come right up." + + + +CHAPTER XV + +Discovering that it was merely Jimmy "on the wire," Zoie's +uneasiness abated, but Aggie's anxiety was visibly increasing. + +"Where ARE you?" she asked of her spouse. "The Children's Home!" +she repeated, then followed further explanations from Jimmy which +were apparently not satisfactory. "Oh, Jimmy!" cried his +disturbed wife, "it can't be! That's horrible!" + +"What is it?" shrieked Zoie, trying to get her small ear close +enough to the receiver to catch a bit of the obviously terrifying +message. + +"Wait a minute," called Aggie into the 'phone. Then she turned +to Zoie with a look of despair. "The mother's changed her mind," +she explained; "she won't give up the baby." + +"Good Lord!" cried Zoie, and she sank into the nearest chair. +For an instant the two women looked at each other with blank +faces. "What can we DO," asked Zoie. + +Aggie did not answer immediately. This was indeed a serious +predicament; but presently Zoie saw her friend's mouth becoming +very resolute, and she surmised that Aggie had solved the +problem. "We'll have to get ANOTHER baby, that's all," decided +Aggie. "There must be OTHER babies." + +"Where?" asked Zoie. + +"There, in the Children's Home," answered Aggie with great +confidence, and she returned to the 'phone. + +Zoie crossed to the bed and knelt at its foot in search of her +little pink slippers. + +"Oh, Aggie," she sighed, "the others were all so red!" + +But Aggie did not heed her protest. "Listen, Jimmy," she called +in the 'phone, "can't you get another baby?" There was a pause, +then Aggie commanded hotly, "Well, GET in the business!" Another +pause and then Aggie continued very firmly, "Tell the +Superintendent that we JUST MUST have one." + +Zoie stopped in the act of putting on her second slipper and +called a reminder to Aggie. "Tell him to get a HE one," she +said, "Alfred wants a boy." + +"Take what you can get!" answered Aggie impatiently, and again +she gave her attention to the 'phone. "What!" she cried, with +growing despair, and Zoie waited to hear what had gone wrong now. +"Nothing under three months," explained Aggie. + +"Won't that do?" asked Zoie innocently. + +"Do!" echoed Aggie in disgust. "A three- months' old baby is as +big as a whale." + +"Well, can't we say it GREW UP?" asked Zoie, priding herself on +her power of ready resource. + +"Overnight, like a mushroom?" sneered Aggie. + +Almost vanquished by her friend's new air of cold superiority, +Zoie was now on the verge of tears. "Somebody must have a new +baby," she faltered. "Somebody ALWAYS has a new baby." + +"For their own personal USE, yes," admitted Aggie, "but who has a +new baby for US?" + +"How do I know?" asked Zoie helplessly. "You're the one who +ought to know. You got me into this, and you've GOT to get me +out of it. Can you imagine," she asked, growing more and more +unhappy, "what would happen to me if Alfred were to come home now +and not find a baby? He wouldn't forgive a LITTLE lie, what would +he do with a WHOPPER like this?" Then with sudden decision, she +rushed toward the 'phone. "Let me talk to Jimmy," she said, and +the next moment she was chattering so rapidly and incoherently +over the 'phone that Aggie despaired of hearing one word that she +said, and retired to the next room to think out a new plan of +action. + +"Say, Jimmy," stammered Zoie into the 'phone, "you've GOT to get +me a baby. If you don't, I'll kill myself! I will, Jimmy, I +will. You got me into this, Jimmy," she reminded him. "You've +GOT to get me out of it." And then followed pleadings and +coaxings and cajolings, and at length, a pause, during which +Jimmy was apparently able to get in a word or so. His answer was +not satisfactory to Zoie. "What!" she shrieked, tiptoeing to get +her lips closer to the receiver; then she added with conviction, +"the mother has no business to change her mind." + +Apparently Jimmy maintained that the mother had changed it none +the less. + +"Well, take it away from her," commanded Zoie. "Get it quick, +while she isn't looking." Then casting a furtive glance over her +shoulder to make sure that Aggie was still out of the room, she +indulged in a few dark threats to Jimmy, also some vehement +reminders of how he had DRAGGED her into that horrid old +restaurant and been the immediate cause of all the misfortunes +that had ever befallen her. + +Could Jimmy have been sure that Aggie was out of ear-shot of +Zoie's conversation, the argument would doubtless have kept up +indefinitely-- as it was--the result was a quick acquiescence on +his part and by the time that Aggie returned to the room, Zoie +was wreathed in smiles. + +"It's all right," she said sweetly. "Jimmy's going to get it." + +Aggie looked at her sceptically. "Goodness knows I hope so," she +said, then added in despair, "Look at your cheeks. They're +flaming." + +Once more the powder puff was called into requisition, and Zoie +turned a temporarily blanched face to Aggie. "Is that better?" +she asked. + +"Very much," answered Aggie, "but how about your hair?" + +"What's the matter with it?" asked Zoie. Her reflection betrayed +a coiffure that might have turned Marie Antoinette green with +envy. + +"Would anybody think you'd been in bed for days?" asked Aggie. + +"Alfred likes it that way," was Zoie's defence. + +"Turn around," said Aggie, without deigning to argue the matter +further. And she began to remove handfuls of hairpins from the +yellow knotted curls. + +"What are you doing?" exclaimed Zoie, as she sprayed her white +neck and arms with her favourite perfume. + +Aggie did not answer. + +Zoie leaned forward toward the mirror to smooth out her eyebrows +with the tips of her perfumed fingers. "Good gracious," she +cried in horror as she caught sight of her reflection. "You're +not going to put my hair in a pigtail!" + +"That's the way invalids always have their hair," was Aggie's +laconic reply, and she continued to plait the obstinate curls. + +"I won't have it like that!" declared Zoie, and she shook herself +free from Aggie's unwelcome attentions and proceeded to unplait +the hateful pigtail. "Alfred would leave me." + +Aggie shrugged her shoulders. + +"If you're going to make a perfect fright of me," pouted Zoie, "I +just won't see him." + +"He isn't coming to see YOU," reminded Aggie. "He's coming to +see the baby." + +"If Jimmy doesn't come soon, I'll not HAVE any baby," answered +Zoie. + +"Get into bed," said Aggie, and she proceeded to turn down the +soft lace coverlets. + +"Where did I put my cap?" asked Zoie. Her eyes caught the small +knot of lace and ribbons for which she was looking, and she +pinned it on top of her saucy little curls. + +"In you go," said Aggie, motioning to the bed. + +"Wait," said Zoie impressively, "wait till I get my rose lights +on the pillow." She pulled the slender gold chain of her night +lamp; instantly the large white pillows were bathed in a warm +pink glow--she studied the effect very carefully, then added a +lingerie pillow to the two more formal ones, kicked off her +slippers and hopped into bed. One more glance at the pillows, +then she arranged the ribbons of her negligee to fall +"carelessly" outside the coverlet, threw one arm gracefully above +her head, half-closed her eyes, and sank languidly back against +her pillows. + +"How's that?" she breathed faintly. + +Controlling her impulse to smile, Aggie crossed to the +dressing-table with a business-like air and applied to Zoie's +pink cheeks a third coating of powder. + +Zoie sat bolt upright and began to sneeze. "Aggie," she said, "I +just hate you when you act like that." But suddenly she was +seized with a new idea. + +"I wonder," she mused as she looked across the room at the soft, +pink sofa bathed in firelight, "I wonder if I shouldn't look +better on that couch under those roses." + +Aggie was very emphatic in her opinion to the contrary. +"Certainly not!" she said. + +"Then," decided Zoie with a mischievous smile, "I'll get Alfred +to carry me to the couch. That way I can get my arms around his +neck. And once you get your arms around a man's neck, you can +MANAGE him." + +Aggie looked down at the small person with distinct disapproval. +"Now, don't you make too much fuss over Alfred," she continued. +"YOU'RE the one who's to do the forgiving. Don't forget that! +What's more," she reminded Zoie, "you're very, very weak." But +before she had time to instruct Zoie further there was a sharp, +quick ring at the outer door. + +The two women glanced at each other inquiringly. The next +instant a man's step was heard in the hallway. + +"How is she, Mary?" demanded someone in a voice tense with +anxiety. + +"It's Alfred!" exclaimed Zoie. + +"And we haven't any baby!" gasped Aggie. + +"What shall I do?" cried Zoie. + +"Lie down," commanded Aggie, and Zoie had barely time to fall +back limply on the pillows when the excited young husband burst +into the room. + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +When Alfred entered Zoie's bedroom he glanced about him in +bewilderment. It appeared that he was in an enchanted chamber. +Through the dim rose light he could barely perceive his young +wife. She was lying white and apparently lifeless on her +pillows. He moved cautiously toward the bed, but Aggie raised a +warning finger. Afraid to speak, he grasped Aggie's hand and +searched her face for reassurance; she nodded toward Zoie, whose +eyes were closed. He tiptoed to the bedside, sank on his knees +and reverently kissed the small hand that hung limply across the +side of the bed. + +To Alfred's intense surprise, his lips had barely touched Zoie's +fingertips when he felt his head seized in a frantic embrace. +"Alfred, Alfred!" cried Zoie in delight; then she smothered his +face with kisses. As she lifted her head to survey her +astonished husband, she caught the reproving eye of Aggie. With +a weak little sigh, she relaxed her tenacious hold of Alfred, +breathed his name very faintly, and sank back, apparently +exhausted, upon her pillows. + +"It's been too much for her," said the terrified young husband, +and he glanced toward Aggie in anxiety. + +Aggie nodded assent. + +"How pale she looks," added Alfred, as he surveyed the white face +on the pillows. + +"She's so weak, poor dear," sympathised Aggie, almost in a +whisper. + +Alfred nodded his understanding to Aggie. It was then that his +attention was for the first time attracted toward the crib. + +"My boy!" he exclaimed. And again Zoie forgot Aggie's warning +and sat straight up in bed. But Alfred did not see her. He was +making determinedly for the crib, his heart beating high with the +pride of possession. + +Throwing back the coverlets of the bassinette, Alfred stared at +the empty bed in silence, then he quickly turned to the two +anxious women. "Where is he?" he asked, his eyes wide with +terror. + +Zoie's lips opened to answer, but no words came. + +Alfred's eyes turned to Aggie. The look on her face increased +his worst fears. "Don't tell me he's----" he could not bring +himself to utter the word. He continued to look helplessly from +one woman to the other. + +In vain Zoie again tried to answer. Aggie also made an +unsuccessful attempt to speak. Then, driven to desperation by +the strain of the situation, Zoie declared boldly: "He's out." + +"Out?" echoed Alfred in consternation. + +"With Jimmy," explained Aggie, coming to Zoie's rescue as well as +she knew how. + +"Jimmy!" repeated Alfred in great astonishment. + +"Just for a breath of air," explained Zoie sweetly She had now +entirely regained her self- possession. + +"Isn't he very young to be out at night?" asked Alfred with a +puzzled frown. + +"We told Jimmy that," answered Aggie, amazed at the promptness +with which each succeeding lie presented itself. "But you see," +she continued, "Jimmy is so crazy about the child that we can't +do anything with him." + +"Jimmy crazy about my baby?" exclaimed Alfred incredulously. "He +always said babies were 'little red worms.' " + +"Not this one," answered Zoie sweetly. + +"No, indeed," chimed in Aggie. "He acts as though he owned it." + +"Oh, DOES he?" exclaimed Alfred hotly. "I'll soon put a stop to +that," he declared. "Where did he take him?" + +Again the two women looked at each other inquiringly, then Aggie +stammered evasively. + +"Oh, j-just downstairs--somewhere." + +"I'll LOOK j-just downstairs somewhere," decided Alfred, and he +snatched up his hat and started toward the door. + +"Alfred!" cried Zoie in alarm. + +Coming back to her bedside to reassure her, Alfred was caught in +a frantic embrace. "I'll be back in a minute, dear," he said, +but Zoie clung to him and pleaded desperately. + +"You aren't going to leave me the very first thing?" + +Alfred hesitated. He had no wish to be cruel to Zoie, but the +thought of Jimmy out in the street with his baby at this hour of +the night was not to be borne. + +Zoie renewed her efforts at persuasion. "Now, dearie," she said, +"I wish you'd go get shaved and wash up a bit. I don't wish baby +to see you looking so horrid." + +"Yes, do, Alfred," insisted Aggie. "He's sure to be here in a +minute." + +"My boy won't care HOW his father looks," declared Alfred +proudly, and Zoie told Aggie afterward that his chest had +momentarily expanded three inches. + +"But _I_ care," persisted Zoie. "First impressions are so +important." + +"Now, Zoie," cautioned Aggie, as she crossed toward the bed with +affected solicitude. "You mustn't excite yourself." + +Zoie was quick to understand the suggested change in her tactics, +and again she sank back on her pillows apparently ill and faint. + +Utterly vanquished by the dire result of his apparently inhuman +thoughtlessness, Alfred glanced at Aggie, uncertain as to how to +repair the injury. + +Aggie beckoned to him to come away from the bed. + +"Let her have her own way," she whispered with a significant +glance toward Zoie. + +Alfred nodded understandingly and put a finger to his lips to +signify that he would henceforth speak in hushed tones, then he +tiptoed back to the bed and gently stroked the curls from Zoie's +troubled forehead. + +"There now, dear," he whispered, "lie still and rest and I'll go +shave and wash up a bit." + +Zoie sighed her acquiescence. + +"Mind," he whispered to Aggie, "you are to call me the moment my +boy comes," and then he slipped quietly into the bedroom. + +No sooner had Alfred crossed the threshold, than Zoie sat up in +bed and called in a sharp whisper to Aggie, "What's keeping +them?" she asked. + +"I can't imagine," answered Aggie, also in whisper. + +"If I had Jimmy here," declared Zoie vindictively, "I'd wring his +little fat neck," and slipping her little pink toes from beneath +the covers, she was about to get out of bed, when Aggie, who was +facing Alfred's bedroom door, gave her a warning signal. + +Zoie had barely time to get back beneath the covers, when Alfred +re-entered the room in search of his satchel. Aggie found it for +him quickly. + +Alfred glanced solicitously at Zoie's closed eyes. "I'm so +sorry," he apologised to Aggie, and again he slipped softly out +of the room. + +Aggie and Zoie drew together for consultation. + +"Suppose Jimmy can't get the baby," whispered Zoie. + +"In that case, he'd have 'phoned," argued Aggie. + +"Let's 'phone to the Home," suggested Zoie, "and find----" She +was interrupted by Alfred's voice. + +"Say, Aggie," called Alfred from the next room. + +"Yes?" answered Aggie sweetly, and she crossed to the door and +waited. + +"Hasn't he come yet?" called Alfred impatiently. + +"Not yet, Alfred," said Aggie, and she closed the door very +softly, lest Alfred should hear her. + +"I never knew Alfred could be so silly!" snapped Zoie. + +"Sh! sh!" warned Aggie, and she glanced anxiously toward Alfred's +door. + +"He doesn't care a bit about me!" complained Zoie. "It's all +that horrid old baby that he's never seen.,' + +"If Jimmy doesn't come soon, he never WILL see it," declared +Aggie, and she started toward the window to look out. + +Just then there was a short quick ring of the bell. The two +women glanced at each other with mingled hope and fear. Then +their eyes sought the door expectantly. + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +With the collar of his long ulster pushed high and the brim of +his derby hat pulled low, Jimmy Jinks crept cautiously into the +room. When he at length ceased to glance over his shoulder and +came to a full stop, Aggie perceived a bit of white flannel +hanging beneath the hem of his tightly buttoned coat. + +"You've GOT it!" she cried. + +"Where is it ?" asked Zoie. + +"Give it to me," demanded Aggie. + +Jimmy stared at them as though stupefied, then glanced uneasily +over his shoulder, to make sure that no one was pursuing him. +Aggie unbuttoned his ulster, seized a wee mite wrapped in a large +shawl, and clasped it to her bosom with a sigh of relief. "Thank +heaven!" she exclaimed, then crossed quickly to the bassinette +and deposited her charge. + +In the meantime, having thrown discretion to the wind, Zoie had +hopped out of bed. As usual, her greeting to Jimmy was in the +nature of a reproach. "What kept you?" she demanded crossly. + +"Yes," chimed in Aggie, who was now bending over the crib. "What +made you so long?" + +"See here!" answered Jimmy hotly, "if you two think you can do +any better, you're welcome to the job," and with that he threw +off his overcoat and sank sullenly on the couch. + +"Sh! sh!" exclaimed Zoie and Aggie, simultaneously, and they +glanced nervously toward Alfred's bedroom door. + +Jimmy looked at them without comprehending why he should "sh." +They did not bother to explain. Instead, Zoie turned her back +upon him. + +"Let's see it," she said, peeping into the bassinette. And then +with a little cry of disgust she again looked at Jimmy +reproachfully. "Isn't it ugly?" she said. Jimmy's contempt for +woman's ingratitude was too deep for words, and he only stared at +her in injured silence. But his reflections were quickly upset +when Alfred called from the next room, to inquire again about +Baby. + +"Alfred's here!" whispered Jimmy, beginning to realise the +meaning of the women's mysterious behaviour. + +"Sh! sh!" said Aggie again to Jimmy, and Zoie flew toward the +bed, almost vaulting over the footboard in her hurry to get +beneath the covers. + +For the present Alfred did not disturb them further. Apparently +he was still occupied with his shaving, but just as Jimmy was +about to ask for particulars, the 'phone rang. The three +culprits glanced guiltily at each other. + +"Who's that?" whispered Zoie in a frightened voice. + +Aggie crossed to the 'phone. "Hello," she called softly. "The +Children's Home?" she exclaimed. + +Jimmy paused in the act of sitting and turned his round eyes +toward the 'phone. + +Aggie's facial expression was not reassuring. "But we can't," +she was saying; "that's impossible." + +"What is it?" called Zoie across the foot of the bed, unable +longer to endure the suspense. + +Aggie did not answer. She was growing more and more excited. "A +thief!" she cried wildly, over the 'phone. "How dare you call my +husband a thief!" + +Jimmy was following the conversation with growing interest. + +"Wait a minute," said Aggie, then she left the receiver hanging +by the cord and turned to the expectant pair behind her. "It's +the Children's Home," she explained. "That awful woman says +Jimmy STOLE her baby!" + +"What!" exclaimed Zoie as though such depravity on Jimmy's part +were unthinkable. Then she looked at him accusingly, and asked +in low, measured tones, "DID you STEAL HER BABY, JIMMY?" + +"Didn't you tell me to?" asked Jimmy hotly. "Not literally," +corrected Aggie. + +"How else COULD I steal a baby?" demanded Jimmy. + +Zoie looked at the unfortunate creature as if she could strangle +him, and Aggie addressed him with a threat in her voice. + +"Well, the Superintendent says you've got to bring it straight +back." + +"I'd like to see myself!" said Jimmy. + +"He sha'n't bring it back," declared Zoie. "I'll not let him!" + +"What shall I tell the Superintendent?" asked Aggie, "he's +holding the wire." + +"Tell him he can't have it," answered Zoie, as though that were +the end of the whole matter. + +"Well," concluded Aggie, "he says if Jimmy DOESN'T bring it back +the mother's coming after it." + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Zoie. + +As for Jimmy, he bolted for the door. Aggie caught him by the +sleeve as he passed. "Wait, Jimmy," she said peremptorily. +There was a moment of awful indecision, then something +approaching an idea came to Zoie. + +"Tell the Superintendent that it isn't here," she whispered to +Aggie across the footboard. "Tell him that Jimmy hasn't got here +yet." + +"Yes," agreed Jimmy, "tell him I haven't got here yet." + +Aggie nodded wisely and returned to the 'phone. "Hello," she +called pleasantly; then proceeded to explain. "Mr. Jinks hasn't +got here yet." There was a pause, then she added in her most +conciliatory tone, "I'll tell him what you say when he comes in." +Another pause, and she hung up the receiver with a most gracious +good- bye and turned to the others with increasing misgivings. +"He says he won't be responsible for that mother much +longer--she's half-crazy." + +"What right has she to be crazy?" demanded Zoie in an abused +voice. "She's a widow. She doesn't need a baby." + +"Well," decided Aggie after careful deliberation, "you'd better +take it back, Jimmy, before Alfred sees it." + +"What?" exclaimed Zoie in protest. And again Jimmy bolted, but +again he failed to reach the door. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +His face covered with lather, and a shaving brush in one hand, +Alfred entered the room just as his friend was about to escape. + +"Jimmy!" exclaimed the excited young father, "you're back." + +"Oh, yes--yes," admitted Jimmy nervously, "I'm back." + +"My boy!" cried Alfred, and he glanced toward the crib. "He's +here!" + +"Yes--yes," agreed Aggie uneasily, as she tried to place herself +between Alfred and the bassinette. "He's here, but you mayn't +have him, Alfred." + +"What?" exclaimed Alfred, trying to put her out of the way. + +"Not yet," protested Aggie, "not just yet." + +"Give him to me," demanded Alfred, and thrusting Aggie aside, he +took possession of the small mite in the cradle. + +"But--but, Alfred," pleaded Aggie, "your face. You'll get him +all wet." + +Alfred did not heed her. He was bending over the cradle in an +ecstasy. "My boy!" he cried, "my boy!" Lifting the baby in his +arms he circled the room cooing to him delightedly. + +"Was he away from home when his fadder came? Oh, me, oh, my! +Coochy! Coochy! Coochy!" Suddenly he remembered to whom he owed +this wondrous treasure and forgetful of the lather on his +unshaven face he rushed toward Zoie with an overflowing heart. +"My precious!" he exclaimed, and he covered her cheek with +kisses. + +"Go away!" cried Zoie in disgust and she pushed Alfred from her +and brushed the hateful lather from her little pink check. + +But Alfred was not to be robbed of his exaltation, and again he +circled the room, making strange gurgling sounds to Baby. + +"Did a horrid old Jimmy take him away from fadder?" he said +sympathetically, in the small person's ear; and he glanced at +Jimmy with frowning disapproval. "I'd just like to see him get +you away from me again!" he added to Baby, as he tickled the +mite's ear with the end of his shaving brush. "Oh, me! oh, my!" +he exclaimed in trepidation, as he perceived a bit of lather on +the infant's cheek. Then lifting the boy high in his arms and +throwing out his chest with great pride, he looked at Jimmy with +an air of superiority. "I guess I'm bad, aye?" he said. + +Jimmy positively blushed. As for Zoie, she was growing more and +more impatient for a little attention to herself. + +"Rock-a-bye, Baby," sang Alfred in strident tones and he swung +the child high in his arms. + +Jimmy and Aggie gazed at Alfred as though hypnotised. They kept +time to his lullaby out of sheer nervousness. Suddenly Alfred +stopped, held the child from him and gazed at it in horror. +"Good heavens!" he exclaimed. The others waited breathlessly. +"Look at that baby's face," commanded Alfred. + +Zoie and Aggie exchanged alarmed glances, then Zoie asked in +trepidation, "What's the matter with his face?" + +"He's got a fever," declared Alfred. And he started toward the +bed to show the child to its mother. + +"Go away!" shrieked Zoie, waving Alfred off in wild alarm. + +"What?" asked Alfred, backing from her in surprise. + +Aggie crossed quickly to Alfred's side and looked over his +shoulder at the boy. "I don't see anything wrong with its face," +she said. + +"It's scarlet!" persisted Alfred. + +"Oh," said Jimmy with a superior air, "they're always like that." + +"Nothing of the sort," snorted Alfred, and he glared at Jimmy +threateningly. "You've frozen the child parading him around the +streets." + +"Let me have him, Alfred," begged Aggie sweetly; "I'll put him in +his crib and keep him warm." + +Reluctantly Alfred released the boy. His eyes followed him to +the crib with anxiety. "Where's his nurse?" he asked, as he +glanced first from one to the other. + +Zoie and Jimmy stared about the room as though expecting the +desired person to drop from the ceiling. Then Zoie turned upon +her unwary accomplice. + +"Jimmy," she called in a threatening tone, "where IS his nurse?" + +"Does Jimmy take the nurse out, too?" demanded Alfred, more and +more annoyed by the privileges Jimmy had apparently been usurping +in his absence. + +"Never mind about the nurse," interposed Aggie. "Baby likes me +better anyway. I'll tuck him in," and she bent fondly over the +crib, but Alfred was not to be so easily pacified. + +"Do you mean to tell me," he exclaimed excitedly, "that my boy +hasn't any nurse?" + +"We HAD a nurse," corrected Zoie, "but--but I had to discharge +her." + +Alfred glanced from one to the other for an explanation. + +"Discharge her?" he repeated, "for what?" + +"She was crazy," stammered Zoie. + +Alfred's eyes sought Aggie's for confirmation. She nodded. He +directed his steady gaze toward Jimmy. The latter jerked his +head up and down in nervous assent. + +"Well," said Alfred, amazed at their apparent lack of resource, +"why didn't you get ANOTHER nurse?" + +"Aggie is going to stay and take care of baby to-night," declared +Zoie, and then she beamed upon Aggie as only she knew how. +"Aren't you, dear?" she asked sweetly. + +"Yes, indeed," answered Aggie, studiously avoiding Jimmy's eye. + +"Baby is going to sleep in the spare room with Aggie and Jimmy," +said Zoie. + +"What!" exclaimed Jimmy, too desperate to care what Alfred might +infer. + +Ignoring Jimmy's implied protest, Zoie continued sweetly to +Alfred: + +"Now, don't worry, dear; go back to your room and finish your +shaving." + +"Finish shaving?" repeated Alfred in a puzzled way. Then his +hand went mechanically to his cheek and he stared at Zoie in +astonishment. "By Jove!" he exclaimed, "I had forgotten all +about it. That shows you how excited I am." And with a +reluctant glance toward the cradle, he went quickly from the +room, singing a high- pitched lullaby. + +Just as the three conspirators were drawing together for +consultation, Alfred returned to the room. It was apparent that +there was something important on his mind. + +"By the way," he said, glancing from one to another, "I forgot to +ask--what's his name?" + +The conspirators looked at each other without answering. To +Alfred their delay was annoying. Of course his son had been +given his father's name, but he wished to HEAR someone say so. + +"Baby's, I mean," he explained impatiently. + +Jimmy felt instinctively that Zoie's eyes were upon him. He +avoided her gaze. + +"Jimmy!" called Zoie, meaning only to appeal to him for a name. + +"Jimmy!" thundered the infuriated Alfred. "You've called my boy +'Jimmy'? Why 'Jimmy'?" + +For once Zoie was without an answer. + +After waiting in vain for any response, Alfred advanced upon the +uncomfortable Jimmy. + +"You seem to be very popular around here," he sneered. + +Jimmy shifted uneasily from one foot to the other and studied the +pattern of the rug upon which he was standing. + +After what seemed an age to Jimmy, Alfred turned his back upon +his old friend and started toward his bedroom. Jimmy peeped out +uneasily from his long eyelashes. When Alfred reached the +threshold, he faced about quickly and stared again at Jimmy for +an explanation. It seemed to Jimmy that Alfred's nostrils were +dilating. He would not have been surprised to see Alfred snort +fire. He let his eyes fall before the awful spectacle of his +friend's wrath. Alfred's upper lip began to curl. He cast a +last withering look in Jimmy's direction, retired quickly from +the scene and banged the door. + +When Jimmy again had the courage to lift his eyes he was +confronted by the contemptuous gaze of Zoie, who was sitting up +in bed and regarding him with undisguised disapproval. + +"Why didn't you tell him what the baby's name is?" she demanded. + +"How do _I_ know what the baby's name is?" retorted Jimmy +savagely. + +"Sh! sh!" cautioned Aggie as she glanced nervously toward the +door through which Alfred had just passed. + +"What does it matter WHAT the baby's name is so long as we have +to send it back?" + +"I'll NOT send it back," declared Zoie emphatically, "at least +not until morning. That will give Jimmy a whole night to get +another one." + +"Another!" shrieked Jimmy. "See here, you two can't be changing +babies every five minutes without Alfred knowing it. Even HE has +SOME sense." + +"Nonsense!" answered Aggie shortly. "You know perfectly well +that all young babies look just alike. Their own mothers +couldn't tell them apart, if it weren't for their clothes." + +"But where can we GET another?" asked Zoie. + +Before Aggie could answer, Alfred was again heard calling from +the next room. Apparently all his anger had subsided, for he +inquired in the most amiable tone as to what baby might be doing +and how he might be feeling. Aggie crossed quickly to the door, +and sweetly reassured the anxious father, then she closed the +door softly and turned to Zoie and Jimmy with a new inspiration +lighting her face. "I have it," she exclaimed ecstatically. + +Jimmy regarded his spouse with grave suspicion. + +"Now see here," he objected, "every time YOU 'HAVE IT,' I DO IT. +The NEXT time you 'HAVE IT' YOU DO IT!" + +The emphasis with which Jimmy made his declaration deserved +consideration, but to his amazement it was entirely ignored by +both women. Hopping quickly out of bed, without even glancing in +his direction, Zoie gave her entire attention to Aggie. "What is +it?" she asked eagerly. + +"There must be OTHER babies' Homes," said Aggie, and she glanced +at Jimmy from her superior height. + +"They aren't open all night like corner drug stores," growled +Jimmy. + +"Well, they ought to be," decided Zoie. + +"And surely," argued Aggie, "in an extraordinary case--like----" + +"This was an 'extraordinary case,' " declared Jimmy, "and you saw +what happened this time, and the Superintendent is a friend of +mine--at least he WAS a friend of mine." And with that Jimmy sat +himself down on the far corner of the couch and proceeded to +ruminate on the havoc that these two women had wrought in his +once tranquil life. + +Zoie gazed at Jimmy in deep disgust; her friend Aggie had made an +excellent suggestion, and instead of acting upon it with +alacrity, here sat Jimmy sulking like a stubborn child. + +"I suppose," said Zoie, as her eyebrows assumed a bored angle, +"there are SOME babies in the world outside of Children's Homes." + +"Of course," was Aggie's enthusiastic rejoinder; "there's one +born every minute." + +"But I was born BETWEEN minutes," protested Jimmy. + +"Who's talking about you?" snapped Zoie. + +Again Aggie exclaimed that she "had it." + +"She's got it twice as bad," groaned Jimmy, and he wondered what +new form her persecution of him was about to take. + +"Where is the morning paper?" asked Aggie, excitedly. + +"We can't advertise NOW," protested Zoie. "It's too late for +that." + +"Sh! Sh!" answered Aggie, as she snatched the paper quickly from +the table and began running her eyes up and down its third page. +"Married-- married," she murmured, and then with delight she +found the half column for which she was searching. "Born," she +exclaimed triumphantly. "Here we are! Get a pencil, Zoie, and +we'll take down all the new ones." + +"Of course," agreed Zoie, clapping her hands in glee, "and Jimmy +can get a taxi and look them right up." + +"Oh, CAN he?" shouted Jimmy as he rose with clenched fists. "Now +you two, see here----" + +Before Jimmy could complete his threat, there was a sharp ring of +the door bell. He looked at the two women inquiringly. + +"It's the mother," cried Zoie in a hoarse whisper. + +"The mother!" repeated Jimmy in terror and he glanced uncertainly +from one door to the other. + +"Cover up the baby!" called Zoie, and drawing Jimmy's overcoat +quickly from his arm, Aggie threw it hurriedly over the cradle. + +For an instant Jimmy remained motionless in the centre of the +room, hatless, coatless, and shorn of ideas. A loud knock on the +door decided him and he sank with trembling knees behind the +nearest armchair, just as Zoie made a flying leap into the bed +and prepared to draw the cover over her head. + +The knock was repeated and Aggie signalled to Zoie to answer it. + +"Come in!" called Zoie very faintly. + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +From his hiding-place Jimmy peeped around the edge of the +armchair and saw what seemed to be a large clothes basket +entering the room. Closer inspection revealed the small figure +of Maggie, the washerwoman's daughter, propelling the basket, +which was piled high with freshly laundered clothing. Jimmy drew +a long sigh of relief, and unknotted his cramped limbs. + +"Shall I lay the things on the sofa, mum?" asked Maggie as she +placed her basket on the floor and waited for Zoie's +instructions. + +"Yes, please," answered Zoie, too exhausted for further comment. + +Taking the laundry piece by piece from the basket, Maggie made +excuses for its delay, while she placed it on the couch. Deaf to +Maggie's chatter, Zoie lay back languidly on her pillows; but she +soon heard something that lifted her straight up in bed. + +"Me mother is sorry she had to kape you waitin' this week," said +Maggie over her shoulder; "but we've got twins at OUR house." + +"Twins!" echoed Zoie and Aggie simultaneously. Then together +they stared at Maggie as though she had been dropped from another +world. + +Finding attention temporarily diverted from himself, Jimmy had +begun to rearrange both his mind and his cravat when he felt +rather than saw that his two persecutors were regarding him with +a steady, determined gaze. In spite of himself, Jimmy raised his +eyes to theirs. + +"Twins!" was their laconic answer. + +Now, Jimmy had heard Maggie's announcement about the bountiful +supply of offspring lately arrived at her house, but not until he +caught the fanatical gleam in the eyes of his companions did he +understand the part they meant him to play in their next +adventure. He waited for no explanation--he bolted toward the +door. + +"Wait, Jimmy," commanded Aggie. But it was not until she had +laid firm hold of him that he waited. + +Surprised by such strange behaviour on the part of those whom she +considered her superiors, Maggie looked first at Aggie, then at +Jimmy, then at Zoie, uncertain whether to go or to stay. + +"Anythin' to go back, mum?" she stammered. + +Zoie stared at Maggie solemnly from across the foot of the bed. +"Maggie," she asked in a deep, sepulchral tone, "where do you +live?" + +"Just around the corner on High Street, mum," gasped Maggie. +Then, keeping her eyes fixed uneasily on Zoie she picked up her +basket and backed cautiously toward the door. + +"Wait!" commanded Zoie; and Maggie paused, one foot in mid-air. +"Wait in the hall," said Zoie. + +"Yes'um," assented Maggie, almost in a whisper. Then she nodded +her head jerkily, cast another furtive glance at the three +persons who were regarding her so strangely, and slipped quickly +through the door. + +Having crossed the room and stealthily closed the door, Aggie +returned to Jimmy, who was watching her with the furtive +expression of a trapped animal. + +"It's Providence," she declared, with a grave countenance. + +Jimmy looked up at Aggie with affected innocence, then rolled his +round eyes away from her. He was confronted by Zoie, who had +approached from the opposite side of the room. + +"It's Fate," declared Zoie, in awe-struck tones. + +Jimmy was beginning to wriggle, but he kept up a last desperate +presence of not understanding them. + +"You needn't tell me I'm going to take the wash to the old lady," +he said, "for I'm not going to do it." + +"It isn't the WASH," said Aggie, and her tone warned him that she +expected no nonsense from him. + +"You know what we are thinking about just as well as we do," said +Zoie. "I'll write that washerwoman a note and tell her we must +have one of those babies right now." And with that she turned +toward her desk and began rummaging amongst her papers for a +pencil and pad. "The luck of these poor," she murmured. + +"The luck of US," corrected Aggie, whose spirits were now +soaring. Then she turned to Jimmy with growing enthusiasm. +"Just think of it, dear," she said, "Fate has sent us a baby to +our very door." + +"Well," declared Jimmy, again beginning to show signs of fight, +"if Fate has sent a baby to the door, you don't need me," and +with that he snatched his coat from the crib. + +"Wait, Jimmy," again commanded Aggie, and she took his coat +gently but firmly from him. + +"Now, see here," argued Jimmy, trying to get free from his +strong-minded spouse, "you know perfectly well that that +washerwoman isn't going to let us have that baby." + +"Nonsense," called Zoie over her shoulder, while she scribbled a +hurried note to the washerwoman. "If she won't let us have it +'for keeps,' I'll just 'rent it.' " + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Jimmy in genuine horror. "Warm, fresh, +palpitating babies rented as you would rent a gas stove!" + +"That's all a pose," declared Aggie, in a matter-of-fact tone. +"You think babies 'little red worms,' you've said so." + +Jimmy could not deny it. + +"She'll be only too glad to rent it," declared Zoie, as she +glanced hurriedly through the note just written, and slipped it, +together with a bill, into an envelope. "I'll pay her anything. +It's only until I can get another one." + +"Another!" shouted Jimmy, and his eyes turned heavenward for +help. "An endless chain with me to put the links together!" + +"Don't be so theatrical," said Aggie, irritably, as she took up +Jimmy's coat and prepared to get him into it. + +"Why DO you make such a fuss about NOTHING," sighed Zoie. + +"Nothing?" echoed Jimmy, and he looked at her with wondering +eyes. "I crawl about like a thief in the night snatching babies +from their mother's breasts, and you call THAT nothing?" + +"You don't have to 'CRAWL,' " reminded Zoie, "you can take a +taxi." + +"Here's your coat, dear," said Aggie graciously, as she +endeavoured to slip Jimmy's limp arms into the sleeves of the +garment. + +"You can take Maggie with you," said Zoie, with the air of +conferring a distinct favour upon him. + +"And the wash on my lap," added Jimmy sarcastically. + +"No," said Zoie, unruffled by Jimmy's ungracious behaviour. +"We'll send the wash later." + +"That's very kind of you," sneered Jimmy, as he unconsciously +allowed his arms to slip into the sleeves of the coat Aggie was +urging upon him. + +"All you need to do," said Aggie complacently, "is to get us the +baby." + +"Yes," said Jimmy, "and what do you suppose my friends would say +if they were to see me riding around town with the wash-lady's +daughter and a baby on my lap? What would YOU say?" he asked +Aggie, "if you didn't know the facts?" + +"Nobody's going to see you," answered Aggie impatiently; "it's +only around the corner. Go on, Jimmy, be a good boy." + +"You mean a good thing," retorted Jimmy without budging from the +spot. + +"How ridiculous!" exclaimed Zoie; "it's as easy as can be." + +"Yes, the FIRST one SOUNDED easy, too," said Jimmy. + +"All you have to do," explained Zoie, trying to restrain her +rising intolerance of his stupidity, "is to give this note to +Maggie's mother. She'll give you her baby, you bring it back +here, we'll give you THIS one, and you can take it right back to +the Home." + +"And meet the other mother," concluded Jimmy with a shake of his +head. + +There was a distinct threat in Zoie's voice when she again +addressed the stubborn Jimmy and the glitter of triumph was in +her eyes. + +"You'd better meet here THERE than HERE," she warned him; "you +know what the Superintendent said." + +"That's true," agreed Aggie with an anxious face. "Come now," +she pleaded, "it will only take a minute; you can do the whole +thing before you have had time to think." + +"Before I have had time to think," repeated Jimmy excitedly. +"That's how you get me to do everything. Well, this time I've +HAD time to think and I don't think I will!" and with that he +threw himself upon the couch, unmindful of the damage to the +freshly laundered clothes. + +"Get up," cried Zoie. + +"You haven't time to sit down," said Aggie. + +"I'll TAKE time," declared Jimmy. His eyes blinked ominously and +he remained glued to the couch. + +There was a short silence; the two women gazed at Jimmy in +despair. Remembering a fresh grievance, Jimmy turned upon them. + +"By the way," he said, "do you two know that I haven't had +anything to eat yet?" + +"And do you know," said Zoie, "that Alfred may be back at any +minute? He can't stay away forever." + +"Not unless he has cut his throat," rejoined Jimmy, "and that's +what I'd do if I had a razor." + +Zoie regarded Jimmy as though he were beyond redemption. "Can't +you ever think of anybody but yourself?" she asked, with a +martyred air. + +Had Jimmy been half his age, Aggie would have felt sure that she +saw him make a face at her friend for answer. As it was, she +resolved to make one last effort to awaken her unobliging spouse +to a belated sense of duty. + +"You see, dear," she said, "you might better get the +washerwoman's baby than to go from house to house for one," and +she glanced again toward the paper. + +"Yes," urged Zoie, "and that's just what you'll HAVE to do, if +you don't get this one." + +Jimmy's head hung dejectedly. It was apparent that his courage +was slipping from him. Aggie was quick to realise her +opportunity, and before Jimmy could protect himself from her +treacherous wiles, she had slipped one arm coyly about his neck. + +"Now, Jimmy," she pleaded as she pressed her soft cheek to his +throbbing temple, and toyed with the bay curl on his perspiring +forehead, "wont you do this little teeny-weepy thing just for +me?" + +Jimmy's lips puckered in a pout; he began to blink nervously. +Aggie slipped her other arm about his neck. + +"You know," she continued with a baby whine, "I got Zoie into +this, and I've just got to get her out of it. You're not going +to desert me, are you, Jimmy? You WILL help me, won't you, dear?" +Her breath was on Jimmy's cheek; he could feel her lips stealing +closer to his. He had not been treated to much affection of +late. His head drooped lower--he began to twiddle the fob on his +watch chain. "Won't you?" persisted Aggie. + +Jimmy studied the toes of his boots. + +"Won't you?" she repeated, and her soft eyelashes just brushed +the tip of his retrousee nose. + +Jimmy's head was now wagging from side to side. + +"Won't you?" she entreated a fourth time, and she kissed him full +on the lips. + +With a resigned sigh, Jimmy rose mechanically from the heap of +crushed laundry and held out his fat chubby hand. + +"Give me the letter," he groaned. + +"Here you are," said Zoie, taking Jimmy's acquiescence as a +matter of course; and she thrust the letter into the pocket of +Jimmy's ulster. "Now, when you get back with the baby," she +continued, "don't come in all of a sudden; just wait outside and +whistle. You CAN WHISTLE, can't you?" she asked with a doubtful +air. + +For answer, Jimmy placed two fingers between his lips and +produced a shrill whistle that made both Zoie and Aggie glance +nervously toward Alfred's bedroom door. + +"Yes, you can WHISTLE," admitted Zoie, then she continued her +directions. "If Alfred is not in the room, I'll raise the shade +and you can come right up." + +"And if he is in the room?" asked Jimmy with a fine shade of +sarcasm. + +"If he IS in the room," explained Zoie, "you must wait outside +until I can get rid of him." + +Jimmy turned his eyes toward Aggie to ask if it were possible +that she still approved of Zoie's inhuman plan. For answer Aggie +stroked his coat collar fondly. + +"We'll give you the signal the moment the coast is clear," she +said, then she hurriedly buttoned Jimmy's large ulster and wound +a muffler about his neck. "There now, dear, do go, you're all +buttoned up," and with that she urged him toward the door. + +"Just a minute," protested Jimmy, as he paused on the threshold. +"Let me get this right, if the shade is up, I stay down." + +"Not at all," corrected Aggie and Zoie in a breath. "If the +shade is up, you come up." + +Jimmy cast another martyred look in Zoie's direction. + +"You won't hurry will you?" he said, "you know it is only +twenty-three below zero and I haven't had anything to eat +yet--and----" + +"Yes, we know," interrupted the two women in chorus, and then +Aggie added wearily, "go on, Jimmy; don't be funny." + +"Funny?" snorted Jimmy. "With a baby on my lap and the wash +lady's daughter, I won't be funny, oh no!" + +It is doubtful whether Jimmy would not have worked himself into +another state of open rebellion had not Aggie put an end to his +protests by thrusting him firmly out of the room and closing the +door behind him. After this act of heroic decision on her part, +the two women listened intently, fearing that he might return; +but presently they heard the bang of the outer door, and at last +they drew a long breath of relief. For the first time since +Alfred's arrival, Aggie was preparing to sink into a chair, when +she was startled by a sharp exclamation from Zoie. + +"Good heavens," cried Zoie, "I forgot to ask Maggie." + +"Ask her what?" questioned Aggie. + +"Boys or girls," said Zoie, with a solemn look toward the door +through which Jimmy had just disappeared. + +"Well," decided Aggie, after a moment's reflection, "it's too +late now. Anyway," she concluded philosophically, "we couldn't +CHANGE it." + + + +CHAPTER XX + +With more or less damage to himself consequent on his excitement, +Alfred completed his shaving and hastened to return to his wife +and the babe. Finding the supposedly ill Zoie careering about +the centre of the room expostulating with Aggie, the young man +stopped dumbfounded on the threshold. + +"Zoie," he cried in astonishment. "What are you doing out of +bed?" + +For an instant the startled Zoie gazed at him stupefied. + +"Why, I--I----" Her eyes sought Aggie's for a suggestion; there +was no answer there. It was not until her gaze fell upon the +cradle that she was seized by the desired inspiration. + +"I just got up to see baby," she faltered, then putting one hand +giddily to her head, she pretended to sway. + +In an instant Alfred's arms were about her. He bore her quickly +to the bed. "You stay here, my darling," he said tenderly. +"I'll bring baby to you," and after a solicitous caress he turned +toward baby's crib and bent fondly over the little one. "Ah, +there's father's man," he said. "Was he lonesome baby? Oh, +goodis g'acious," then followed an incoherent muttering of baby +talk, as he bore the youngster toward Zoie's bed. "Come, my +precious," he called to Zoie, as he sank down on the edge of the +bed. "See mother's boy." + +"Mother!" shrieked Zoie in horror. It had suddenly dawned upon +her that this was the name by which Alfred would no doubt call +her for the rest of her life. She almost detested him. + +But Alfred did not see the look of disgust on Zoie's face. He +was wholly absorbed by baby. + +"What a funny face," he cooed as he pinched the youngster's +cheek. "Great Scott, what a grip," he cried as the infant's +fingers closed around his own. "Will you look at the size of +those hands," he exclaimed. + +Zoie and Aggie exchanged worried glances; the baby had no doubt +inherited his large hands from his mother. + +"Say, Aggie," called Alfred, "what are all of these little specks +on baby's forehead?" He pointed toward the infant's brow. "One, +two, three," he counted. + +Zoie was becoming more and more uncomfortable at the close +proximity of the little stranger. + +"Oh," said Aggie, with affected carelessness as she leaned over +Alfred's shoulder and glanced at baby's forehead. "That is just +a little rash." + +"A rash!" exclaimed Alfred excitedly, "that's dangerous, isn't +it? We'd better call up the doctor." And he rose and started +hurriedly toward the telephone, baby in arms. + +"Don't be silly," called Zoie, filled with vague alarm at the +thought of the family physician's appearance and the explanations +that this might entail. + +Stepping between Alfred and the 'phone, Aggie protested +frantically. "You see, Alfred," she said, "it is better to have +the rash OUT, it won't do any harm unless it turns IN." + +"He's perfectly well," declared Zoie, "if you'll only put him in +his crib and leave him alone." + +Alfred looked down at his charge. "Is that right, son?" he +asked, and he tickled the little fellow playfully in the ribs. +"I'll tell you what," he called over his shoulder to Zoie, "he's +a fine looking boy." And then with a mysterious air, he nodded +to Aggie to approach. "Whom does he look like?" he asked. + +Again Zoie sat up in anxiety. Aggie glanced at her, uncertain +what answer to make. + +"I--I hadn't thought," she stammered weakly. + +"Go on, go on," exclaimed the proud young father, "you can't tell +me that you can look at that boy and not see the resemblance." + +"To whom?" asked Aggie, half fearfully. + +"Why," said Alfred, "he's the image of Zoie." + +Zoie gazed at the puckered red face in Alfred's arms. "What!" +she shrieked in disgust, then fall back on her pillows and drew +the lace coverlet over her face. + +Mistaking Zoie's feeling for one of embarrassment at being +over-praised, Alfred bore the infant to her bedside. "See, +dear," he persisted, "see for yourself, look at his forehead." + +"I'd rather look at you," pouted Zoie, peeping from beneath the +coverlet, "if you would only put that thing down for a minute." + +"Thing?" exclaimed Alfred, as though doubting his own ears. But +before he could remonstrate further, Zoie's arms were about his +neck and she was pleading jealously for his attention. + +"Please, Alfred," she begged, "I have scarcely had a look at you, +yet." + +Alfred shook his head and turned to baby with an indulgent smile. +It was pleasant to have two such delightful creatures bidding for +his entire attention. + +"Dear me," he said to baby. "Dear me, tink of mudder wanting to +look at a big u'gy t'ing like fadder, when she could look at a +'itty witty t'ing like dis," and he rose and crossed to the crib +where he deposited the small creature with yet more gurgling and +endearing. + +Zoie's dreams of rapture at Alfred's home coming had not included +such divided attention as he was now showing her and she was +growing more and more desperate at the turn affairs had taken. +She resolved to put a stop to his nonsense and to make him +realise that she and no one else was the lode star of his +existence. She beckoned to Aggie to get out of the room and to +leave her a clear field and as soon as her friend had gone +quietly into the next room, she called impatiently to Alfred who +was still cooing rapturously over the young stranger. Finding +Alfred deaf to her first entreaty, Zoie shut her lips hard, +rearranged her pretty head-dress, drew one fascinating little +curl down over her shoulder, reknotted the pink ribbon of her +negligee, and then issued a final and imperious order for her +husband to attend her. + +"Yes, yes, dear," answered Alfred, with a shade of impatience. +"I'm coming, I'm coming." And bidding a reluctant farewell to +the small person in the crib, he crossed to her side. + +Zoie caught Alfred's hand and drew him down to her; he smiled +complacently. + +"Well," he said in the patronising tone that Zoie always +resented. "How is hubby's little girl?" + +"It's about time," pouted Zoie, "that you made a little fuss over +me for a change." + +"My own!" murmured Alfred. He stooped to kiss the eager lips, +but just as his young wife prepared to lend herself to his long +delayed embrace, his mind was distracted by an uneasy thought. +"Do you think that Baby is----" + +He was not permitted to finish the sentence. + +Zoie drew him back to her with a sharp exclamation. + +"Think of ME for a while," she commanded. + +"My darling," expostulated Alfred with a shade of surprise at her +vehemence. "How could I think of anyone else?" Again he stooped +to embrace her and again his mind was directed otherwise. "I +wonder if Baby is warm enough," he said and attempted to rise. + +"Wonder about ME for a while," snapped Zoie, clinging to him +determinedly. + +Again Alfred looked at her in amazement. Was it possible there +was anything besides Baby worth wondering about? Whether there +was or not, Zoie was no longer to be resisted and with a last +regretful look at the crib, he resigned himself to giving his +entire attention to his spoiled young wife. + +Gratified by her hard-won conquest, Zoie now settled herself in +Alfred's arms. + +"You haven't told me what you did all the time that you were +away," she reminded him. + +"Oh, there was plenty to do," answered Alfred. + +"Did you think of me every minute?" she asked jealously. + +"That would be telling," laughed Alfred, as he pinched her small +pink ear. + +"I wish to be 'told,' " declared Zoie; "I don't suppose you +realise it, but if I were to live a THOUSAND YEARS, I'd never be +quite sure what you did during those FEW MONTHS." + +"It was nothing that you wouldn't have been proud of," answered +Alfred, with an unconscious expansion of his chest. + +"Do you love me as much as ever?" asked Zoie. + +"Behave yourself," answered Alfred, trying not to appear +flattered by the discovery that his absence had undoubtedly +caused her great uneasiness. + +"Well, SAY it!" demanded Zoie. + +"You know I do," answered Alfred, with the diffidence of a school +boy. + +"Then kiss me," concluded Zoie, with an air of finality that left +Alfred no alternative. + +As a matter of fact, Alfred was no longer seeking an alternative. +He was again under the spell of his wife's adorable charms and he +kissed her not once, but many times. + +"Foolish child," he murmured, then he laid her tenderly against +the large white pillows, remonstrating with her for being so +spoiled, and cautioning her to be a good little girl while he +went again to see about Baby. + +Zoie clung to his hand and feigned approaching tears. + +"You aren't thinking of me at all?" she pouted. "And kisses are +no good unless you put your whole mind on them. Give me a real +kiss!" she pleaded. + +Again Alfred stooped to humour the small importunate person who +was so jealous of his every thought, but just as his lips touched +her forehead his ear was arrested by a sound as yet new both to +him and to Zoie. He lifted his head and listened. + +"What was that?" he asked. + +"I don't know," answered Zoie, wondering if the cat could have +got into the room. + +A redoubled effort on the part of the young stranger directed +their attention in the right direction. + +"My God!" exclaimed Alfred tragically, "it's Baby. He's crying." +And with that, he rushed to the crib and clasped the small mite +close to his breast, leaving Zoie to pummel the pillows in an +agony of vexation. + +After vain cajoling of the angry youngster, Alfred bore him +excitedly to Zoie's bedside. + +"You'd better take him, dear," he said. + +To the young husband's astonishment, Zoie waved him from her in +terror, and called loudly for Aggie. But no sooner had Aggie +appeared on the scene, than a sharp whistle was heard from the +pavement below. + +"Pull down the shade!" cried Zoie frantically. + +Aggie hastened toward the window. + +Attributing Zoie's uneasiness to a caprice of modesty, Alfred +turned from the cradle to reassure her. + +"No one can see in way up here," he said. + +To Zoie's distress, the lowering of the shade was answered by a +yet shriller whistle from the street below. + +"Was it 'up' or 'down'?" cried Zoie to Aggie in an agony of +doubt, as she tried to recall her instructions to Jimmy. + +"I don't know," answered Aggie. "I've forgotten." + +Another impatient whistle did not improve their memory. Alarmed +by Zoie's increasing excitement, and thinking she was troubled +merely by a sick woman's fancy that someone might see through the +window, Alfred placed the babe quickly in its cradle and crossed +to the young wife's bed. + +"It was up, dear," he said. "You had Aggie put it down." + +"Then I want it up," declared the seemingly perverse Zoie. + +"But it was up," argued Alfred. + +A succession of emotional whistles set Zoie to pounding the +pillows. + +"Put it down!" she commanded. + +"But Zoie----" protested Alfred. + +"Did I say 'up' or did I say 'down'?" moaned the half-demented +Zoie, while long whistles and short whistles, appealing whistles +and impatient whistles followed each other in quick succession. + +"You said down, dear," persisted Alfred, now almost as distracted +as his wife. + +Zoie waved him from the room. "I wish you'd get out of here," +she cried; "you make me so nervous that I can't think at all." + +"Of course, dear," murmured Alfred, "if you wish it." And with a +hurt and perplexed expression on his face he backed quickly from +the room. + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +When Zoie's letter asking for the O'Flarety twin had reached that +young lady's astonished mother, Mrs. O'Flarety felt herself +suddenly lifted to a position of importance. + +"Think of the purty Mrs. Hardy a wantin' my little Bridget," she +exclaimed, and she began to dwell upon the romantic possibilities +of her offspring's future under the care of such a "foine stylish +lady and concluded by declaring it 'a lucky day entoirely.' " + +Jimmy had his misgivings about it being Bridget's "LUCKY day," +but it was not for him to delay matters by dwelling upon the +eccentricities of Zoie's character, and when Mrs. O'Flarety had +deposited Bridget in Jimmy's short arms and slipped a well filled +nursing bottle into his overcoat pocket, he took his leave +hastily, lest the excited woman add Bridget's twin to her willing +offering. + +Once out of sight of the elated mother, Jimmy thrust the +defenceless Bridget within the folds of his already snug ulster, +buttoned the garment in such places as it would meet, and made +for the taxi which, owing to the upset condition of the street, +he had been obliged to abandon at the corner. + +Whether the driver had obtained a more promising "fare" or been +run in by the police, Jimmy never knew. At any rate it was in +vain that he looked for his vehicle. So intense was the cold +that it was impossible to wait for a chance taxi; furthermore, +the meanness of the district made it extremely unlikely that one +would appear, and glancing guiltily behind him to make sure that +no one was taking cognisance of his strange exploit, Jimmy began +picking his way along dark lanes and avoiding the lighted +thoroughfare on which the "Sherwood" was situated, until he was +within a block of his destination. + +Panting with haste and excitement, he eventually gained courage +to dash through a side street that brought him within a few doors +of the "Sherwood." Again glancing behind him, he turned the well +lighted corner and arrived beneath Zoie's window to find one +shade up and one down. In his perplexity he emitted a faint +whistle. Immediately he saw the other shade lowered. Uncertain +as to what arrangement he had actually made with Zoie, he +ventured a second whistle. The result was a hysterical running +up and down of the shade which left him utterly bewildered as to +what disposition he was supposed to make of the wobbly bit of +humanity pressed against his shirt front. + +Reaching over his artificially curved figure to grasp a bit of +white that trailed below his coat, he looked up to see a passing +policeman eyeing him suspiciously. + +"Taking the air?" asked the policeman. + +"Ye-yes," mumbled Jimmy with affected nonchalence and he knocked +the heels of his boots together in order to keep his teeth from +chattering. "It's a fi-fine ni-night for air," he stuttered. + +"Is it?" said the policeman, and to Jimmy's horror, he saw the +fellow's eyes fix themselves on the bit of white. + +"Go-good-night," stammered Jimmy hurriedly, and trying to assume +an easy stride in spite of the uncomfortable addition to his +already rotund figure, he slipped into the hotel, where avoiding +the lighted elevator, he laboured quickly, up the stairs. + +At the very moment when Zoie was driving Alfred in consternation +from the room, Jimmy entered it uninvited. + +"Get out," was the inhospitable greeting received simultaneously +from Zoie and Aggie, and without waiting for further instructions +he "got." + +Fortunately for all concerned, Alfred, who was at the same moment +departing by way of the bedroom door, did not look behind him; +but it was some minutes before Aggie who had followed Jimmy into +the hall could persuade him to return. + +After repeated and insistent signals both from Aggie and Zoie, +Jimmy's round red face appeared cautiously around the frame of +the door. It bore unmistakable indications of apoplexy. But the +eyes of the women were not upon Jimmy's face, they too had caught +sight of the bit of white that hung below his coat, and dragging +him quickly into the room and closing the door, Aggie proceeded +without inquiry or thanks to unbutton his coat and to take from +beneath it the small object for which she and Zoie had been +eagerly waiting. + +"Thank Heaven!" sighed Zoie, as she saw Aggie bearing the latest +acquisition to Alfred's rapidly increasing family safely toward +the crib. + +Suddenly remembering something in his right hand coat pocket, +Jimmy called to Aggie, who turned to him and waited expectantly. +After characteristic fumbling, he produced a well filled nursing +bottle. + +"What's that?" asked Zoie. + +"For HER," grunted Jimmy, and he nodded toward the bundle in +Aggie's arms. + +"HER!" cried Zoie and Aggie in chorus. Zoie shut her lips hard +and gazed at him with contempt. + +"I might have known you'd get the wrong kind," she said. + +What Jimmy thought about the ingratitude of woman was not to be +expressed in language. He controlled himself as well as he could +and merely LOOKED the things that he would like to have said. + +"Well, it can't be helped now," decided the philosophic Aggie; +"here, Jimmy," she said, "you hold 'HER' a minute and I'll get +you the other one." + +Placing the small creature in Jimmy's protesting arms, Aggie +turned toward the cradle to make the proposed exchange when she +was startled by the unexpected return of Alfred. + +Thanks to the ample folds of Jimmy's ulster, he was able to +effectually conceal his charge and he started quickly toward the +hall, but in making the necessary detour around the couch he +failed to reach the door before Alfred, who had chosen a more +direct way. + +"Hold on, Jimmy," exclaimed Alfred good- naturedly, and he laid a +detaining hand on his friend's shoulder. "Where are you going?" + +"I'll be back," stammered Jimmy weakly, edging his way toward the +door, and contriving to keep his back toward Alfred. + +"Wait a minute," said Alfred jovially, as he let his hand slip +onto Jimmy's arm, "you haven't told me the news yet." + +"I'll tell you later," mumbled Jimmy, still trying to escape. +But Alfred's eye had fallen upon a bit of white flannel dangling +below the bottom of Jimmy's ulster, it travelled upward to +Jimmy's unusually rotund figure. + +"What have you got there?" he demanded to know, as he pointed +toward the centre button of Jimmy's overcoat. + +"Here?" echoed Jimmy vapidly, glancing at the button in question, +"why, that's just a little----" There was a faint wail from the +depths of the ulster. Jimmy began to caper about with +elephantine tread. "Oochie, coochie, oochie," he called +excitedly. + +"What's the matter with you?" asked Alfred. The wail became a +shriek. "Good Heavens!" cried the anxious father, "it's my boy." +And with that he pounced upon Jimmy, threw wide his ulster and +snatched from his arms Jimmy's latest contribution to Zoie's +scheme of things. + +As Aggie had previously remarked, all young babies look very much +alike, and to the inexperienced eye of this new and overwrought +father, there was no difference between the infant that he now +pressed to his breast, and the one that, unsuspected by him, lay +peacefully dozing in the crib, not ten feet from him. He gazed +at the face of the newcomer with the same ecstasy that he had +felt in the possession of her predecessor. But Zoie and Aggie +were looking at each other with something quite different from +ecstasy. + +"My boy," exclaimed Alfred, with deep emotion, as he clasped the +tiny creature to his breast. Then he turned to Jimmy. "What +were you doing with my baby?" he demanded hotly. + +"I--I was just taking him out for a little walk!" stammered +Jimmy. + +"You just try," threatened Alfred, and he towered over the +intimidated Jimmy. "Are you crazy?" + +Jimmy was of the opinion that he must be crazy or he would never +have found himself in such a predicament as this, but the anxious +faces of Zoie and Aggie, denied him the luxury of declaring +himself so. He sank mutely on the end of the couch and proceeded +to sulk in silence. + +As for Aggie and Zoie, they continued to gaze open-mouthed at +Alfred, who was waltzing about the room transported into a new +heaven of delight at having snatched his heir from the danger of +another night ramble with Jimmy. + +"Did a horrid old Jimmy spoil his 'itty nap'?" he gurgled to +Baby. Then with a sudden exclamation of alarm, he turned toward +the anxious women. "Aggie!" he cried, as he stared intently into +Baby's face. "Look--his rash! It's turned IN!" + +Aggie pretended to glance over Alfred's shoulder. + +"Why so it has," she agreed nervously. + +"What shall we do?" cried the distraught Alfred. + +"It's all right now," counselled Aggie, "so long as it didn't +turn in too suddenly." + +"We'd better keep him warm, hadn't we?" suggested Alfred, +remembering Aggie's previous instructions on a similar occasion. +"I'll put him in his crib," he decided, and thereupon he made a +quick move toward the bassinette. + +Staggering back from the cradle with the unsteadiness of a +drunken man Alfred called upon the Diety. "What is THAT?" he +demanded as he pointed toward the unexpected object before him. + +Neither Zoie, Aggie, nor Jimmy could command words to assist +Alfred's rapidly waning powers of comprehension, and it was not +until he had swept each face for the third time with a look of +inquiry that Zoie found breath to stammer nervously, +"Why--why--why, that's the OTHER one." + +"The other one?" echoed Alfred in a dazed manner; then he turned +to Aggie for further explanation. + +"Yes," affirmed Aggie, with an emphatic nod, "the other one." + +An undescribable joy was dawning on Alfred's face. + +"You don't mean----" He stared from the infant in his arms to the +one in the cradle, then back again at Aggie and Zoie. The women +solemnly nodded their heads. Even Jimmy unblushingly acquiesced. +Alfred turned toward Zoie for the final confirmation of his +hopes. + +"Yes, dear," assented Zoie sweetly, "that's Alfred." + +What Jimmy and the women saw next appeared to be the dance of a +whirling dervish; as a matter of fact, it was merely a man, mad +with delight, clasping two infants in long clothes and circling +the room with them. + +When Alfred could again enunciate distinctly, he rushed to Zoie's +side with the babes in his arms. + +"My darling," he exclaimed, "why didn't you tell me?" + +"I was ashamed," whispered Zoie, hiding her head to shut out the +sight of the red faces pressed close to hers. + +"My angel!" cried Alfred, struggling to control his complicated +emotions; then gazing at the precious pair in his arms, he cast +his eyes devoutly toward heaven, "Was ever a man so blessed?" + +Zoie peeped from the covers with affected shyness. + +"You love me just as much?" she queried. + +"I love you TWICE as much," declared Alfred, and with that he +sank exhausted on the foot of the bed, vainly trying to teeter +one son on each knee. + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +When Jimmy gained courage to turn his eyes in the direction of +the family group he had helped to assemble, he was not reassured +by the reproachful glances that he met from Aggie and Zoie. It +was apparent that in their minds, he was again to blame for +something. Realising that they dared not openly reproach him +before Alfred, he decided to make his escape while his friend was +still in the room. He reached for his hat and tiptoed gingerly +toward the door, but just as he was congratulating himself upon +his decision, Alfred called to him with a mysterious air. + +"Jimmy," he said, "just a minute," and he nodded for Jimmy to +approach. + +It must have been Jimmy's guilty conscience that made him +powerless to disobey Alfred's every command. Anyway, he slunk +back to the fond parent's side, where he ultimately allowed +himself to be inveigled into swinging his new watch before the +unattentive eyes of the red-faced babes on Alfred's knees. + +"Lower, Jimmy, lower," called Alfred as Jimmy absent-mindedly +allowed the watch to swing out of the prescribed orbit. "Look at +the darlings, Jimmy, look at them," he exclaimed as he gazed at +the small creatures admiringly. + +"Yes, look at them, Jimmy," repeated Zoie, and she glared at +Jimmy behind Alfred's back. + +"Don't you wish you had one of them, Jimmy?' " asked Alfred. + +"Well, _I_ wish he had," commented Zoie, and she wondered how she +was ever again to detach either of them from Alfred's breast. + +Before she could form any plan, the telephone rang loud and +persistently. Jimmy glanced anxiously toward the women for +instructions. + +"I'll answer it," said Aggie with suspicious alacrity, and she +crossed quickly toward the 'phone. The scattered bits of +conversation that Zoie was able to gather from Aggie's end of the +wire did not tend to soothe her over-excited nerves. As for +Alfred, he was fortunately so engrossed with the babies that he +took little notice of what Aggie was saying. + +"What woman?" asked Aggie into the 'phone. "Where's she from?" +The answer was evidently not reassuring. "Certainly not," +exclaimed Aggie, "don't let her come up; send her away. Mrs. +Hardy can't see anyone at all." Then followed a bit of pantomime +between Zoie and Aggie, from which it appeared that their +troubles were multiplying, then Aggie again gave her attention to +the 'phone. "I don't know anything about her," she fibbed, "that +woman must have the wrong address." And with that she hung up +the receiver and came towards Alfred, anxious to get possession +of his two small charges and to get them from the room, lest the +mother who was apparently downstairs should thrust herself into +their midst. + +"What's the trouble, Aggie?" asked Alfred, and he nodded toward +the telephone. + +"Oh, just some woman with the wrong address," answered Aggie with +affected carelessness. "You'd better let me take the babies now, +Alfred." + +"Take them where?" asked Alfred with surprise. + +"To bed," answered Aggie sweetly, "they are going to sleep in the +next room with Jimmy and me." She laid a detaining hand on +Jimmy's arm. + +"What's the hurry?" asked Alfred a bit disgruntled. + +"It's very late," argued Aggie. + +"Of course it is," insisted Zoie. "Please, Alfred," she pleaded, +"do let Aggie take them." + +Alfred rose reluctantly. "Mother knows best," he sighed, but +ignoring Aggie's outstretched arms, he refused to relinquish the +joy of himself carrying the small mites to their room, and he +disappeared with the two of them, singing his now favourite +lullaby. + +When Alfred had left the room, Jimmy, who was now seated +comfortably in the rocker, was rudely startled by a sharp voice +at either side of him. + +"Well!" shrieked Zoie, with all the disapproval that could be got +into the one small word. + +"You're very clever, aren't you?" sneered Aggie at Jimmy's other +elbow. + +Jimmy stared from one to the other. + +"A nice fix you've got me into NOW," reproved Zoie. + +"Why didn't you get out when you had the chance?" demanded Aggie. + +"You would take your own sweet time, wouldn't you," said Zoie. + +"What did I tell you?" asked Aggie. + +"What does he care?" exclaimed Zoie, and she walked up and down +the room excitedly, oblivious of the disarrangement of her flying +negligee. "He's perfectly comfortable." + +"Oh yes," assented Jimmy, as he sank back into the rocker and +began propelling himself to and fro. "I never felt better," but +a disinterested observer would have seen in him the picture of +discomfort. + +"You're going to feel a great deal WORSE," he was warned by +Aggie. "Do you know who that was on the telephone?" she asked. + +Jimmy looked at her mutely. + +"The mother!" said Aggie emphatically + +"What!" exclaimed Jimmy. + +"She's down stairs," explained Aggie. + +Jimmy had stopped rocking--his face now wore an uneasy +expression. + +"It's time you showed a little human intelligence," taunted Zoie, +then she turned her back upon him and continued to Aggie, "what +did she say?" + +"She says," answered Aggie, with a threatening glance toward +Jimmy, "that she won't leave this place until Jimmy gives her +baby back." + +"Let her have her old baby," said Jimmy. "I don't want it." + +"You don't want it?" snapped Zoie indignantly, "what have YOU got +to do with it?" + +"Oh nothing, nothing," acquiesced Jimmy meekly, "I'm a mere +detail." + +"A lot you care what becomes of me," exclaimed Zoie +reproachfully; then she turned to Aggie with a decided nod. +"Well, I want it," she asserted. + +"But Zoie," protested Aggie in astonishment, "you can't mean to +keep BOTH of them?" + +"I certainly DO," said Zoie. + +"What?" cried Aggie and Jimmy in concert. + +"Jimmy has presented Alfred with twins," continued Zoie testily, +"and now, he has to HAVE twins." + +Jimmy's eyes were growing rounder and rounder. + +"Do you know," continued Zoie, with a growing sense of +indignation, "what would happen to me if I told Alfred NOW that +he WASN'T the father of twins? He'd fly straight out of that door +and I'd never see him again." + +Aggie admitted that Zoie was no doubt speaking the truth. + +"Jimmy has awakened Alfred's paternal instinct for twins," +declared Zoie, with another emphatic nod of her head, "and now +Jimmy must take the consequences." + +Jimmy tried to frame a few faint objections, but Zoie waved him +aside, with a positive air. "It's no use arguing. If it were +only ONE, it wouldn't be so bad, but to tell Alfred that he's +lost twins, he couldn't live through it." + +"But Zoie," argued Aggie, "we can't have that mother hanging +around down stairs until that baby is an old man. She'll have us +arrested, the next thing." + +"Why arrest US?" asked Zoie, with wide baby eyes. "WE didn't +take it. Old slow-poke took it." And she nodded toward the now +utterly vanquished Jimmy. + +"That's right," murmured Jimmy, with a weak attempt at sarcasm, +"don't leave me out of anything good." + +"It doesn't matter WHICH one she arrests," decided the practical +Aggie. + +"Well, it matters to me," objected Zoie. + +"And to me too, if it's all the same to you," protested Jimmy. + +"Whoever it is," continued Aggie, "the truth is bound to come +out. Alfred will have to know sooner or later, so we might as +well make a clean breast of it, first as last." + +"That's the first sensible thing you've said in three months," +declared Jimmy with reviving hope. + +"Oh, is that so?" sneered Zoie, and she levelled her most +malicious look at Jimmy. "What do you think Alfred would do to +YOU, Mr. Jimmy, if he knew the truth? YOU'RE the one who sent +him the telegram; you are the one who told him that he was a +FATHER." + +"That's true," admitted Aggie, with a wrinkled forehead. + +Zoie was quick to see her advantage. She followed it up. "And +Alfred hasn't any sense of humour, you know." + +"How could he have?" groaned Jimmy; "he's married." And with +that he sank into his habitual state of dumps. + +"Your sarcasm will do a great deal of good," flashed Zoie. Then +she dismissed him with a nod, and crossed to her dressing table. + +"But Zoie," persisted Aggie, as she followed her young friend in +trepidation, "don't you realise that if you persist in keeping +this baby, that mother will dog Jimmy's footsteps for the rest of +his life?" + +"That will be nice," murmured Jimmy. + +Zoie busied herself with her toilet, and turned a deaf ear to +Aggie. There was a touch of genuine emotion in Aggie's voice +when she continued. + +"Just think of it, Zoie, Jimmy will never be able to come and go +like a free man again." + +"What do I care how he comes and goes?" exclaimed Zoie +impatiently. "If Jimmy had gone when we told him to go, that +woman would have had her old baby by now; but he didn't, oh no! +All he ever does is to sit around and talk about his dinner." + +"Yes," cried Jimmy hotly, "and that's about as far as I ever GET +with it." + +"You'll never get anywhere with anything," was Zoie's +exasperating answer. "You're too slow." + +"Well, there's nothing slow about you," retorted Jimmy, stung to +a frenzy by her insolence. + +"Oh please, please," interposed Aggie, desperately determined to +keep these two irascible persons to the main issue. "What are we +going to tell that mother?" + +"You can tell her whatever you like," answered Zoie, with an +impudent toss of her head, "but I'll NOT give up that baby until +I get ANOTHER one.' + +"Another?" almost shrieked Jimmy. It was apparent that he must +needs increase the number of his brain cells if he were to follow +this extraordinary young woman's line of thought much further. +"You don't expect to go on multiplying them forever, do you?" he +asked. + +"YOU are the one who has been multiplying them," was Zoie's +disconcerting reply. + +It was evident to Jimmy that he could not think fast enough nor +clearly enough to save himself from a mental disaster if he +continued to argue with the shameless young woman, so he +contented himself by rocking to and fro and murmuring dismally +that he had "known from the first that it was to be an endless +chain." + +While Zoie and Jimmy had been wrangling, Aggie had been weighing +the pros and cons of the case. She now turned to Jimmy with a +tone of firm but motherly decision. "Zoie is quite right," she +said. + +Jimmy rolled his large eyes up at his spouse with a "you too, +Brutus," expression. + +Aggie continued mercilessly, "It's the only way, Jimmy." + +No sooner had Aggie arrived at her decision than Zoie upset her +tranquillity by a triumphant expression of "I have it." + +Jimmy and Aggie gazed at Zoie's radiant face in consternation. +They were accustomed to see only reproach there. Her sudden +enthusiasm increased Jimmy's uneasiness. + +"YOU have it," he grunted without attempting to conceal his +disgust. "SHE'S the one who generally has it." And he nodded +toward Aggie. + +Inflamed by her young friend's enthusiasm, Aggie rushed to her +eagerly. + +"What is it, Zoie?" she asked. + +"The washerwoman!" exclaimed Zoie, as though the revelation had +come straight from heaven. "SHE HAD TWINS," and with that, two +pairs of eyes turned expectantly toward the only man in the room. + +Tracing the pattern of the rug with his toe, Jimmy remained +stubbornly oblivious of their attentions. He rearranged the +pillows on the couch, and finally, for want of a better +occupation, he wound his watch. All to no avail. He could feel +Zoie's cat-like gaze upon him. + +"Jimmy can get the other one," she said. + +"The hell I can," exclaimed Jimmy, starting to his feet and no +longer considering time or place. + +The two women gazed at him reproachfully. + +"Jimmy!" cried Aggie, in a shocked, hurt voice. "That's the +first time I've ever heard you swear." + +"Well, it won't be the LAST time," declared Jimmy hotly, "if THIS +keeps up." His eyes were blazing. He paced to and fro like an +infuriated lion. + +"Dearest," said Aggie, "you look almost imposing." + +"Nonsense," interrupted Zoie. who found Jimmy unusually +ridiculous. "If I'd known that Jimmy was going to put such an +idea into Alfred's head, I'd have got the two in the first +place." + +"Will she let us HAVE the other?" asked Aggie with some +misgiving. + +"Of course she will," answered Zoie, leaving Jimmy entirely out +of the conversation. "She's as poor as a church mouse. I'll pay +her well. She'll never miss it. What could she do with one +twin, anyway?" + +A snort of rage from Jimmy did not disturb Zoie's enthusiasm. +She proceeded to elaborate her plan. + +"I'll adopt them," she declared, "I'll leave them all Alfred's +money. Think of Alfred having real live twins for keeps." + +"It would be nice, wouldn't it?" commented Jimmy sarcastically. + +Zoie turned to Jimmy, as though they were on the best of terms. + +"How much money have you?" she asked. + +Before Jimmy could declare himself penniless, Aggie answered for +him with the greatest enthusiasm, "He has a whole lot; he drew +some today." + +"Good!" exclaimed Zoie to the abashed Jimmy, and then she +continued in a matter-of- fact tone, "Now, Jimmy," she said, "you +go give the washwoman what money you have on account, then tell +her to come around here in the morning when Alfred has gone out +and I'll settle all the details with her. Go on now, Jimmy," she +continued, "you don't need another letter." + +"No," chimed in Aggie sweetly; "you know her now, dear." + +"Oh, yes," corroborated Jimmy, with a sarcastic smile and without +budging from the spot on which he stood, "we are great pals now." + +"What's the matter?" asked Zoie, astonished that Jimmy was not +starting on his mission with alacrity. "What are you waiting +for?" + +Jimmy merely continued to smile enigmatically. + +"You know what happened the last time you hesitated," warned +Aggie. + +"I know what happened when I DIDN'T hesitate," ruminated Jimmy, +still holding his ground. + +Zoie's eyes were wide with surprise. "You don't} mean to say," +she exclaimed incredulously, "that you aren't GOING--after we +have thought all this out just to SAVE you?" + +"Say," answered Jimmy, with a confidential air, "do me a favour, +will you? Stop thinking out things to 'save me.' " + +"But, Jimmy----" protested both women simultaneously; but before +they could get further Alfred's distressed voice reached them +from the next room. + +"Aggie!" he called frantically. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +What seemed to be a streak of pink through the room was in +reality Zoie bolting for the bed. + +While Zoie hastened to snuggle comfortably under the covers, +Aggie tried without avail to get Jimmy started on his errand. + +Getting no response from Aggie, Alfred, bearing one infant in his +arms, came in search of her. Apparently he was having difficulty +with the unfastening of baby's collar. + +"Aggie," he called sharply, "how on earth do you get this fool +pin out?" + +"Take him back, Alfred," answered Aggie impatiently; "I'll be +there in a minute." + +But Alfred had apparently made up his mind that he was not a +success as a nurse. + +"You'd better take him now, Aggie," he decided, as he offered the +small person to the reluctant Aggie. "I'll stay here and talk to +Jimmy." + +"Oh, but Jimmy was just going out," answered Aggie; then she +turned to her obdurate spouse with mock sweetness, "Weren't you, +dear?" she asked. + +"Yes," affirmed Zoie, with a threatening glance toward Jimmy. +"He was going, just now." + +Still Jimmy remained rooted to the spot. + +"Out?" questioned Alfred. "What for?" + +"Just for a little air," explained Aggie blandly. + +"Yes," growled Jimmy, "another little heir." + +"Air?" repeated Alfred in surprise. "He had air a while ago with +my son. He is going to stay here and tell me the news. Sit +down, Jimmy," he commanded, and to the intense annoyance of Aggie +and Zoie, Jimmy sank resignedly on the couch. + +Alfred was about to seat himself beside his friend, when the +'phone rang violently. Being nearest to the instrument, Alfred +reached it first and Zoie and Aggie awaited the consequences in +dread. What they heard did not reassure them nor Jimmy. + +"Still down there?" exclaimed Alfred into the 'phone. + +Jimmy began to wriggle with a vague uneasiness. + +"Well," continued Alfred at the 'phone, "that woman has the wrong +number." Then with a peremptory "Wait a minute," he turned to +Zoie, "The hall boy says that woman who called a while ago is +still down stairs and she won't go away until she has seen you, +Zoie. She has some kind of an idiotic idea that you know where +her baby is." + +"How absurd," sneered Zoie. + +"How silly," added Aggie. + +"How foolish," grunted Jimmy. + +"Well," decided Alfred, "I'd better go down stairs and see what's +the matter with her," and he turned toward the door to carry out +his intention. + +"Alfred!" called Zoie sharply. She was half out of bed in her +anxiety. "You'll do no such thing. 'Phone down to the boy to +send her away. She's crazy." + +"Oh," said Alfred, "then she's been here before? Who is she?" + +"Who is she?" answered Zoie, trying to gain time for a new +inspiration. "Why, she's-- she's----" her face lit up with +satisfaction--the idea had arrived. "She's the nurse," she +concluded emphatically. + +"The nurse?" repeated Alfred, a bit confused. + +"Yes," answered Zoie, pretending to be annoyed with his dull +memory. "She's the one I told you about, the one I had to +discharge." + +"Oh," said Alfred, with the relief of sudden comprehension; "the +crazy one?" + +Aggie and Zoie nodded their heads and smiled at him tolerantly, +then Zoie continued to elaborate. "You see," she said, "the poor +creature was so insane about little Jimmy that I couldn't go near +the child." + +"What!" exclaimed Alfred in a mighty rage. "I'll soon tell the +boy what to do with her," he declared, and he rushed to the +'phone. Barely had Alfred taken the receiver from the hook when +the outer door was heard to bang. Before he could speak a +distracted young woman, whose excitable manner bespoke her +foreign origin, swept through the door without seeing him and +hurled herself at the unsuspecting Zoie. The woman's black hair +was dishevelled, and her large shawl had fallen from her +shoulders. To Jimmy, who was crouching behind an armchair, she +seemed a giantess. + +"My baby!" cried the frenzied mother, with what was unmistakably +an Italian accent. "Where is he?" There was no answer; her eyes +sought the cradle. "Ah!" she shrieked, then upon finding the +cradle empty, she redoubled her lamentations and again she bore +down upon the terrified Zoie. + +"You," she cried, "you know where my baby is!" + +For answer, Zoie sank back amongst her pillows and drew the bed +covers completely over her head. Alfred approached the bed to +protect his young wife; the Italian woman wheeled about and +perceived a small child in his arms. She threw herself upon him. + +"I knew it," she cried; "I knew it!" + +Managing to disengage himself from what he considered a mad +woman, and elevating one elbow between her and the child, Alfred +prevented the mother from snatching the small creature from his +arms. + +"Calm yourself, madam," he commanded with a superior air. "We +are very sorry for you, of course, but we can't have you coming +here and going on like this. He's OUR baby and----" + +"He's NOT your baby!" cried the infuriated mother; "he's MY baby. +Give him to me. Give him to me," and with that she sprang upon +the uncomfortable Alfred like a tigress. Throwing her whole +weight on his uplifted elbow, she managed to pull down his arm +until she could look into the face of the washerwoman's promising +young offspring. The air was rent by a scream that made each +individual hair of Jimmy's head stand up in its own defence. He +could feel a sickly sensation at the top of his short thick neck. + +"He's NOT my baby," wailed the now demented mother, little +dreaming that the infant for which she was searching was now +reposing comfortably on a soft pillow in the adjoining room. + +As for Alfred, all of this was merely confirmation of Zoie's +statement that this poor soul was crazy, and he was tempted to +dismiss her with worthy forbearance. + +"I am glad, madam," he said, "that you are coming to your +senses." + +Now, all would have gone well and the bewildered mother would no +doubt have left the room convinced of her mistake, had not +Jimmy's nerves got the better of his judgment. Having slipped +cautiously from his position behind the armchair he was tiptoeing +toward the door, and was flattering himself on his escape, when +suddenly, as his forward foot cautiously touched the threshold, +he heard the cry of the captor in his wake, and before he could +possibly command the action of his other foot, he felt himself +being forcibly drawn backward by what appeared to be his too +tenacious coat-tails. + +"If only they would tear," thought Jimmy, but thanks to the +excellence of the tailor that Aggie had selected for him, they +did NOT "tear." + +Not until she had anchored Jimmy safely to the centre of the rug +did the irate mother pour out the full venom of her resentment +toward him. From the mixture of English and Italian that +followed, it was apparent that she was accusing Jimmy of having +stolen her baby. + +"Take me to him," she demanded tragically; "my baby--take me to +him!" + +Jimmy appealed to Aggie and Zoie. Their faces were as blank as +his own. He glanced at Alfred. + +"Humour her," whispered Alfred, much elated by the evidence of +his own self-control as compared to Jimmy's utter demoralisation +under the apparently same circumstances. + +Still Jimmy did not budge. + +Alfred was becoming vexed; he pointed first to his own forehead, +then to that of Jimmy's hysterical captor. He even illustrated +his meaning by making a rotary motion with his forefinger, +intended to remind Jimmy that the woman was a lunatic. + +Still Jimmy only stared at him and all the while the woman was +becoming more and more emphatic in her declaration that Jimmy +knew where her baby was. + +"Sure, Jimmy," said Alfred, out of all patience with Jimmy's +stupidity and tiring of the strain of the woman's presence. "You +know where her baby is." + +"Ah!" cried the mother, and she towered over Jimmy with a wild +light in her eyes. "Take me to him," she demanded; "take me to +him." + +Jimmy rolled his large eyes first toward Aggie, then toward Zoie +and at last toward Alfred. There was no mercy to be found +anywhere. + +"Take her to him, Jimmy," commanded a concert of voices; and +pursued by a bundle of waving colours and a medley of discordant +sounds, Jimmy shot from the room. + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +The departure of Jimmy and the crazed mother was the occasion for +a general relaxing among the remaining occupants of the room. +Exhausted by what had passed Zoie had ceased to interest herself +in the future. It was enough for the present that she could sink +back upon her pillows and draw a long breath without an evil face +bending over her, and without the air being rent by screams. + +As for Aggie, she fell back upon the window seat and closed her +eyes. The horrors into which Jimmy might be rushing had not yet +presented themselves to her imagination. + +Of the three, Alfred was the only one who had apparently received +exhilaration from the encounter. He was strutting about the room +with the babe in his arms, undoubtedly enjoying the sensations of +a hero. When he could sufficiently control his feeling of +elation, he looked down at the small person with an air of +condescension and again lent himself to the garbled sort of +language with which defenceless infants are inevitably +persecuted. + +"Tink of dat horrid old woman wanting to steal our own little +oppsie, woppsie, toppsie babykins," he said. Then he turned to +Zoie with an air of great decision. "That woman ought to be +locked up," he declared, "she's dangerous," and with that he +crossed to Aggie and hurriedly placed the infant in her +unsuspecting arms. "Here, Aggie," he said, "you take Alfred and +get him into bed." + +Glad of an excuse to escape to the next room and recover her self +control, Aggie quickly disappeared with the child. + +For some moments Alfred continued to pace up and down the room; +then he came to a full stop before Zoie. + +"I'll have to have something done to that woman," he declared +emphatically. + +"Jimmy will do enough to her," sighed Zoie, weakly. + +"She's no business to be at large," continued Alfred; then, with +a business-like air, he started toward the telephone. + +"Where are you going?" asked Zoie. + +Alfred did not answer. He was now calling into the 'phone, "Give +me information." + +"What on earth are you doing?" demanded Zoie, more and more +disturbed by his mysterious manner. + +"One can't be too careful," retorted Alfred in his most paternal +fashion; "there's an awful lot of kidnapping going on these +days." + +"Well, you don't suspect information, do you?" asked Zoie. + +Again Alfred ignored her; he was intent upon things of more +importance. + +"Hello," he called into the 'phone, "is this information?" +Apparently it was for he continued, with a satisfied air, "Well, +give me the Fullerton Street Police Station." + +"The Police?" cried Zoie, sitting up in bed and looking about the +room with a new sense of alarm. + +Alfred did not answer. + +"Aggie!" shrieked the over-wrought young wife. + +Alfred attempted to reassure her. "Now, now, dear, don't get +nervous," he said, "I am only taking the necessary precautions." +And again he turned to the 'phone. + +Alarmed by Zoie's summons, Aggie entered the room hastily. She +was not reassured upon hearing Alfred's further conversation at +the 'phone. + +"Is this the Fullerton Street Police Station?" asked Alfred. + +"The Police!" echoed Aggie, and her eyes sought Zoie's +inquiringly. + +"Sh! Sh!" called Alfred over his shoulder to the excited Aggie, +then he continued into the 'phone. "Is Donneghey there?" There +was a pause. Alfred laughed jovialiy. "It is? Well, hello, +Donneghey, this is your old friend Hardy, Alfred Hardy at the +Sherwood. I've just got back," then he broke the happy news to +the no doubt appreciative Donneghey. "What do you think?" he +said, "I'm a happy father." + +Zoie puckered her small face in disgust. + +Alfred continued to elucidate joyfully at the 'phone. + +"Doubles," he said, "yes--sure--on the level." + +"I don't know why you have to tell the whole neighbourhood," +snapped Zoie. Her colour was visibly rising. + +But Alfred was now in the full glow of his genial account to his +friend. "Set 'em up?" he repeated in answer to an evident +suggestion from the other end of the line, "I should say I would. +The drinks are on me. Tell the boys I'll be right over. And +say, Donneghey," he added, in a more confidential tone, "I want +to bring one of the men home with me. I want him to keep an eye +on the house to-night"; then after a pause, he concluded +confidentially, "I'll tell you all about it when I get there. It +looks like a kidnapping scheme to me," and with that he hung up +the receiver, unmistakably pleased with himself, and turned his +beaming face toward Zoie. + +"It's all right, dear," he said, rubbing his hands together with +evident satisfaction, "Donneghey is going to let us have a +Special Officer to watch the house to-night." + +"I won't HAVE a special officer," declared Zoie vehemently; then +becoming aware of Alfred's great surprise, she explained +half-tearfully, "I'm not going to have the police hanging around +our very door. I would feel as though I were in prison." + +"You ARE in prison, my dear," returned the now irrepressible +Alfred. "A prison of love-- you and our precious boys." He +stooped and implanted a gracious kiss on her forehead, then +turned toward the table for his hat. "Now," he said, "I'll just +run around the corner, set up the drinks for the boys, and bring +the officer home with me," and drawing himself up proudly, he +cried gaily in parting, "I'll bet there's not another man in +Chicago who has what I have to- night." + +"I hope not," groaned Zoie. as the door closed behind him. +Then, thrusting her two small feet from beneath the coverlet and +perching on the side of the bed, she declared to Aggie that +"Alfred was getting more idiotic every minute." + +"He's worse than idiotic," corrected Aggie. "He's getting +dangerous. If he gets the police around here before we give that +baby back, they'll get the mother. She'll tell all she knows and +that will be the end of Jimmy!" + +"End of Jimmy?" exclaimed Zoie, "it'll be the end of ALL of us." + +"I can see our pictures in the papers, right now," groaned Aggie. +"Jimmy will be the villain." + +"Jimmy IS a villain," declared Zoie. "Where is he? Why doesn't +he come back? How am I ever going to get that other twin?" + +"There is only one thing to do," decided Aggie, "I must go for it +myself." And she snatched up her cape from the couch and started +toward the door. + +"You?" cried Zoie, in alarm, "and leave me alone?" + +"It's our only chance," argued Aggie. "I'll have to do it now, +before Alfred gets back." + +"But Aggie," protested Zoie, clinging to her departing friend, +"suppose that crazy mother should come back?" + +"Nonsense," replied Aggie, and before Zoie could actually realise +what was happening the bang of the outside door told her that she +was alone. + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +Wondering what new terrors awaited her, Zoie glanced uncertainly +from door to door. So strong had become her habit of taking +refuge in the bed, that unconsciously she backed toward it now. +Barely had she reached the centre of the room when a terrific +crash of breaking glass from the adjoining room sent her +shrieking in terror over the footboard, and head first under the +covers. Here she would doubtless have remained until suffocated, +had not Jimmy in his backward flight from one of the inner rooms +overturned a large rocker. This additional shock to Zoie's +overstrung nerves forced a wild scream from her lips, and an +answering exclamation from the nerve-racked Jimmy made her sit +bolt upright. She gazed at him in astonishment. His tie was +awry, one end of his collar had taken leave of its anchorage +beneath his stout chin, and was now just tickling the edge of his +red, perspiring brow. His hair was on end and his feelings were +undeniably ruffled. As usual Zoie's greeting did not tend to +conciliate him. + +"How did YOU get here?" she asked with an air of reproach. + +"The fire-escape," panted Jimmy and he nodded mysteriously toward +the inner rooms of the apartment. + +"Fire-escape?" echoed Zoie. There was only one and that led +through the bathroom window. + +Jimmy explained no further. He was now peeping cautiously out of +the window toward the pavement below. + +"Where's the mother?" demanded Zoie. + +Jimmy jerked his thumb in the direction of the street. Zoie +gazed at him with grave apprehension. + +"Jimmy!" she exclaimed. "You haven't killed her?" + +Jimmy shook his head and continued to peer cautiously out of the +window. + +"What did you do with her?" called the now exasperated Zoie. + +"What did _I_ do with her?" repeated Jimmy, a flash of his old +resentment returning. "What did SHE do with ME?" + +For the first time, Zoie became fully conscious of Jimmy's +ludicrous appearance. Her overstrained nerves gave way and she +began to laugh hysterically. + +"Say," shouted Jimmy, towering over the bed and devoutly wishing +that she were his wife so that he might strike her with impunity. +"Don't you sic any more lunatics onto me." + +It is doubtful whether Zoie's continued laughter might not have +provoked Jimmy to desperate measures, had not the 'phone at that +moment directed their thoughts toward worse possibilities. After +the instrument had continued to ring persistently for what seemed +to Zoie an age, she motioned to Jimmy to answer it. He responded +by retreating to the other side of the room. + +"It may be Aggie," suggested Zoie. + +For the first time, Jimmy became aware that Aggie was nowhere in +the apartment. + +"Good Lord!" he exclaimed, as he realised that he was again +tete-a-tete with the terror of his dreams. "Where IS Aggie?" + +"Gone to do what YOU should have done," was Zoie's characteristic +answer. + +"Well," answered Jimmy hotly, "it's about time that somebody +besides me did something around this place." + +"YOU," mocked Zoie, "all YOU'VE ever done was to hoodoo me from +the very beginning." + +"If you'd taken my advice," answered Jimmy, "and told your +husband the truth about the luncheon, there'd never have been any +'beginning.' " + +"If, if, if," cried Zoie, in an agony of impatience, "if you'd +tipped that horrid old waiter enough, he'd never have told +anyway." + +"I'm not buying waiters to cover up your crimes," announced Jimmy +with his most self- righteous air. + +"You'll be buying more than that to cover up your OWN crimes +before you've finished," retorted Zoie. + +"Before I've finished with YOU, yes," agreed Jimmy. He wheeled +upon her with increasing resentment. "Do you know where I expect +to end up?" he asked. + +"I know where you OUGHT to end up," snapped Zoie. + +"I'll finish in the electric chair," said Jimmy. "I can feel +blue lightning chasing up and down my spine right now." + +"Well, I wish you HAD finished in the electric chair," declared +Zoie, "before you ever dragged me into that awful old +restaurant." + +"Oh, you do, do you?" answered Jimmy shaking his fist at her +across the foot of the bed. For the want of adequate words to +express his further feelings, Jimmy was beginning to jibber, when +the outer door was heard to close, and he turned to behold Aggie +entering hurriedly with something partly concealed by her long +cape. + +"It's all right," explained Aggie triumphantly to Zoie. "I've +got it." She threw her cape aside and disclosed the fruits of +her conquest. + +"So," snorted Jimmy in disgust, slightly miffed by the apparent +ease with which Aggie had accomplished a task about which he had +made so much ado, "you've gone into the business too, have you?" + +Aggie deigned no reply to him. She continued in a businesslike +tone to Zoie. + +"Where's Alfred?" she asked. + +"Still out," answered Zoie. + +"Thank Heaven," sighed Aggie, then she turned to Jimmy and +addressed him in rapid, decided tones. "Now, dear," she said, +"I'll just put the new baby to bed, then I'll give you the other +one and you can take it right down to the mother." + +Jimmy made a vain start in the direction of the fire-escape. +Four detaining hands were laid upon him. + +"Don't try anything like that," warned Aggie; "you can't get out +of this house without that baby. The mother is down stairs now. +She's guarding the door. I saw her." And Aggie sailed +triumphantly out of the room to make the proposed exchange of +babies. + +Before Jimmy was able to suggest to himself an escape from +Aggie's last plan of action, the telephone again began to cry for +attention. + +Neither Jimmy nor Zoie could summon courage to approach the +impatient instrument, and as usual Zoie cried frantically for +Aggie. + +Aggie was not long in returning to the room and this time she +bore in her arms the infant so strenuously demanded by its mad +mother. + +"Here you are, Jimmy," she said; "here's the other one. Now +take him down stairs quickly before Alfred gets back." She +attempted to place the unresisting babe in Jimmy's chubby arms, +but Jimmy's freedom was not to be so easily disposed of. + +"What!" he exclaimed, backing away from the small creature in +fear and abhorrence, "take that bundle of rags down to the hotel +office and have that woman hystericing all over me. No, thanks." + +"Oh well," answered Aggie, distracted by the persistent ringing +of the 'phone, "then hold him a minute until I answer the +'phone." + +This at least was a compromise, and reluctantly Jimmy allowed the +now wailing infant to be placed in his arms. + +"Jig it, Jimmy, jig it," cried Zoie. Jimmy looked down +helplessly at the baby's angry red face, but before he had made +much headway with the "jigging," Aggie returned to them, much +excited by the message which she had just received over the +telephone. + +"That mother is making a scene down stairs in the office," she +said. + +"You hear," chided Zoie, in a fury at Jimmy, "what did Aggie tell +you?" + +"If she wants this thing," maintained Jimmy, looking down at the +bundle in his arms, "she can come after it." + +"We can't have her up here," objected Aggie. + +"Alfred may be back at any minute. He'd catch her. You know +what happened the last time we tried to change them." + +"You can send it down the chimney, for all I care," concluded +Jimmy. + +"I have it!" exclaimed Aggie, her face suddenly illumined. + +"Oh Lord," groaned Jimmy, who had come to regard any elation on +Zoie's or Aggie's part as a sure forewarner of ultimate +discomfort for him. + +Again Aggie had recourse to the 'phone. + +"Hello," she called to the office boy, "tell that woman to go +around to the back door, and we'll send something down to her." +There was a slight pause, then Aggie added sweetly, "Yes, tell +her to wait at the foot of the fire-escape." + +Zoie had already caught the drift of Aggie's intention and she +now fixed her glittering eyes upon Jimmy, who was already +shifting about uneasily and glancing at Aggie, who approached him +with a business-like air. + +"Now, dear," said Aggie, "come with me. I'll hand Baby out +through the bathroom window and you can run right down the +fire-escape with him." + +"If I do run down the fire-escape," exclaimed Jimmy, wagging his +large head from side to side, "I'll keep right on RUNNING. +That's the last you'll ever see of me." + +"But, Jimmy," protested Aggie, slightly hurt by his threat, "once +that woman gets her baby you'll have no more trouble." + +"With you two still alive?" asked Jimmy, looking from one to the +other. + +"She'll be up here if you don't hurry," urged Aggie impatiently, +and with that she pulled Jimmy toward the bedroom door. + +"Let her come," said Jimmy, planting his feet so as to resist +Aggie's repeated tugs, "I'm going to South America." + +"Why will you act like this," cried Aggie, in utter desperation, +"when we have so little time?" + +"Say," said Jimmy irrelevantly, "do you know that I haven't had +any----" + +" Yes," interrupted Aggie and Zoie in chorus, "we know." + +"How long," continued Zoie impatiently, "is it going to take you +to slip down that fire-escape?" + +"That depends on how fast I 'slip,' " answered Jimmy doggedly. + +"You'll 'slip' all right," sneered Zoie. + +Further exchange of pleasantries between these two antagonists +was cut short by the banging of the outside door. + +"Good Heavens!" exclaimed Aggie, glancing nervously over her +shoulder, "there's Alfred now. Hurry, Jimmy, hurry," she cried, +and with that she fairly forced Jimmy out through the bedroom +door, and followed in his wake to see him safely down the +fire-escape. + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +Zoie had barely time to arrange herself after the manner of an +interesting invalid, when Alfred entered the room in the gayest +of spirits. + +"Hello, dearie," he cried as he crossed quickly to her side. + +"Already?" asked Zoie faintly and she glanced uneasily toward the +door, through which Jimmy and Aggie had just disappeared. + +"I told you I shouldn't be long," said Alfred jovially, and he +implanted a condescending kiss on her forehead. "How is the +little mother, eh?" he asked, rubbing his hands together in +satisfaction. + +"You're all cold," pouted Zoie, edging away, "and you've been +drinking." + +"I had to have one or two with the boys," said Alfred, throwing +out his chest and strutting about the room, "but never again. +From now on I cut out all drinks and cigars. This is where I +begin to live my life for our sons." + +"How about your life for me?" asked Zoie, as she began to see +long years of boredom stretching before her. + +"You and our boys are one and the same, dear," answered Alfred, +coming back to her side. + +"You mean you couldn't go on loving ME if it weren't for the +BOYS?" asked Zoie, with anxiety. She was beginning to realise +how completely her hold upon him depended upon her hideous +deception. + +"Of course I could, Zoie," answered Alfred, flattered by what he +considered her desire for his complete devotion, "but----" + +"But not so MUCH," pouted Zoie. + +"Well, of course, dear," admitted Alfred evasively, as he sank +down upon the edge of the bed by her side-- + +"You needn't say another word," interrupted Zoie, and then with a +shade of genuine repentance, she declared shame-facedly that she +hadn't been "much of a wife" to Alfred. + +"Nonsense!" contradicted the proud young father, "you've given me +the ONE thing that I wanted most in the world." + +"But you see, dear," said Zoie, as she wound her little white +arms about his neck, and looked up into his face adoringly, +"YOU'VE been the 'ONE' thing that I wanted 'MOST' and I never +realised until to-night how--how crazy you are about things." + +"What things?" asked Alfred, a bit puzzled. + +"Well," said Zoie, letting her eyes fall before his and picking +at a bit of imaginary lint on the coverlet, "babies and things." + +"Oh," said Alfred, and he was about to proceed when she again +interrupted him. + +"But now that I DO realise it," continued Zoie, earnestly, her +fingers on his lips, lest he again interrupt, "if you'll only +have a little patience with me, I'll--I'll----" again her eyes +fell bashfully to the coverlet, as she considered the possibility +of being ultimately obliged to replace the bogus twins with real +ones. + +"All the patience in the world," answered Alfred, little dreaming +of the problem that confronted the contrite Zoie. + +"That's all I ask," declared Zoie, her assurance completely +restored, "and in case anything SHOULD happen to THESE----" she +glanced anxiously toward the door through which Aggie had borne +the twins. + +"But nothing is going to happen to these, dear," interrupted +Alfred, rising and again assuming an air of fatherly protection. +"I'll attend to that. There, there," he added, patting her small +shoulder and nodding his head wisely. "That crazy woman has got +on your nerves, but you needn't worry, I've got everything fixed. +Donneghey sent a special officer over with me. He's outside +watching the house, now." + +"Now!" shrieked Zoie, fixing her eyes on the bedroom door, +through which Jimmy had lately disappeared and wondering whether +he had yet "slipped" down the fire-escape. + +"Yes," continued Alfred, walking up and down the floor with a +masterly stride. "If that woman is caught hanging around here +again, she'll get a little surprise. My boys are safe now, God +bless them!" Then reminded of the fact that he had not seen them +since his return, he started quickly toward the bedroom door. +"I'll just have a look at the little rascals," he decided. + +"No, dear," cried Zoie. She caught Alfred's arm as he passed the +side of her bed, and clung to him in desperation. "Wait a +minute." + +Alfred looked down at her in surprise. + +She turned her face toward the door, and called lustily, "Aggie! +Aggie!" + +"What is it, dear?" questioned Alfred, thinking Zoie suddenly +ill, "can I get you something?" + +Before Zoie was obliged to reply, Aggie answered her summons. + +"Did you call?" she asked, glancing inquiringly into Zoie's +distressed face. + +"Alfred's here," said Zoie, with a sickly smile as she stroked +his hand and glanced meaningly at Aggie. "He's GOT the OFFICER!" + +"The OFFICER?" cried Aggie, and involuntarily she took a step +backward, as though to guard the bedroom door. + +"Yes," said Alfred, mistaking Aggie's surprise for a compliment +to his resource; "and now, Aggie, if you'll just stay with Zoie +for a minute I'll have a look at my boys." + +"No, no!" exclaimed Aggie, nervously, and she placed herself +again in front of the bedroom door. + +Alfred was plainly annoyed by her proprietory air. + +"They're asleep," explained Aggie. + +"I'll not WAKE them," persisted Alfred, "I just wish to have a +LOOK at them," and with that he again made a move toward the +door. + +"But Alfred," protested Zoie, still clinging to his hand, "you're +not going to leave me again-- so soon." + +Alfred was becoming more and more restive under the seeming +absurdity of their persistent opposition, but before he could +think of a polite way of over-ruling them, Aggie continued +persuasively. + +"You stay with Zoie," she said. "I'll bring the boys in here and +you can both have a look at them." + +"But Aggie," argued Alfred, puzzled by her illogical behaviour, +"would it be wise to wake them?" + +"Just this once," said Aggie. "Now you stay here and I'll get +them." Before Alfred could protest further she was out of the +room and the door had closed behind her, so he resigned himself +to her decision, banished his temporary annoyance at her +obstinacy, and glanced about the room with a new air of +proprietorship. + +"This is certainly a great night, Zoie," he said. + +"It certainly is," acquiesced Zoie, with an over emphasis that +made Alfred turn to her with new concern. + +"I'm afraid that mad woman made you very nervous, dear," he said. + +"She certainly did," said Zoie. + +Zoie's nerves were destined to bear still further strain, for at +that moment, there came a sharp ring at the door. + +Beside herself with anxiety Zoie threw her arms about Alfred, who +had advanced to soothe her, drew him down by her side and buried +her head on his breast. + +"You ARE jumpy," said Alfred, and at that instant a wrangle of +loud voices, and a general commotion was heard in the outer hall. +"What's that?" asked Alfred, endeavouring to disentangle himself +from Zoie's frantic embrace. + +Zoie clung to him so tightly that he was unable to rise, but his +alert ear caught the sound of a familiar voice rising above the +din of dispute in the hallway. + +"That sounds like the officer," he exclaimed. + +"The officer?" cried Zoie, and she wound her arms more tightly +about him. + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +Propelled by a large red fist, attached to the back of his badly +wilted collar, the writhing form of Jimmy was now thrust through +the outer door. + +"Let go of me," shouted the hapless Jimmy. + +The answer was a spasmodic shaking administered by the fist; then +a large burly officer, carrying a small babe in his arms, shoved +the reluctant Jimmy into the centre of the room and stood guard +over him. + +"I got him for you, sir," announced the officer proudly, to the +astonished Alfred, who had just managed to untwine Zoie's arms +and to struggle to his feet. + +Alfred's eyes fell first upon the dejected Jimmy, then they +travelled to the bundle of long clothes in the officer's arms. + +"My boy!" he cried. "My boy!" He snatched the infant from the +officer and pressed him jealously to his breast. "I don't +understand," he said, gazing at the officer in stupefaction. +"Where was he?" + +"You mean this one?" asked the officer, nodding toward the +unfortunate Jimmy. "I caught him slipping down your +fire-escape." + +"I KNEW it," exclaimed Zoie in a rage, and she cast a vindictive +look at Jimmy for his awkwardness. + +"Knew WHAT, dear?" asked Alfred, now thoroughly puzzled. + +Zoie did not answer. Her powers of resource were fast waning. +Alfred turned again to the officer, then to Jimmy, who was still +flashing defiance into the officer's threatening eyes. + +"My God!" he exclaimed, "this is awful. What's the matter with +you, Jimmy? This is the third time that you have tried to take my +baby out into the night." + +"Then you've had trouble with him before?" remarked the officer. +He studied Jimmy with new interest, proud in the belief that he +had brought a confirmed "baby-snatcher" to justice. + +"I've had a little trouble myself," declared Jimmy hotly, now +resolved to make a clean breast of it. + +"I'm not asking about your troubles," interrupted the officer +savagely, and Jimmy felt the huge creature's obnoxious fingers +tightening again on his collar. "Go ahead, sir," said the +officer to Alfred. + +"Well," began Alfred, nodding toward the now livid Jimmy, "he was +out with my boy when I arrived. I stopped him from going out +with him a second time, and now you, officer, catch him slipping +down the fire-escape. I don't know what to say," he finished +weakly. + +"_I_ do," exclaimed Jimmy, feeling more and more like a high +explosive, "and I'll say it." + +"Cut it," shouted the officer. And before Jimmy could get +further, Alfred resumed with fresh vehemence. + +"He's supposed to be a friend of mine," he explained to the +officer, as he nodded toward the wriggling Jimmy. "He was all +right when I left him a few months ago." + +"You'll think I'm all right again," shouted Jimmy, trying to get +free from the officer, "before I've finished telling all I----" + +"That won't help any," interrupted the officer firmly, and with +another twist of Jimmy's badly wilted collar he turned to Alfred +with his most civil manner, "What shall I do with him, sir?" + +"I don't know," said Alfred, convinced that his friend was a fit +subject for a straight jacket. "This is horrible." + +"It's absurd," cried Zoie, on the verge of hysterics, and in +utter despair of ever disentangling the present complication +without ultimately losing Alfred, "you're all absurd," she cried +wildly. + +"Absurd?" exclaimed Alfred, turning upon her in amazement, "what +do you mean?" + +"It's a joke," said Zoie, without the slightest idea of where the +joke lay. "If you had any sense you could see it." + +"I DON'T see it," said Alfred, with hurt dignity. + +"Neither do I," said Jimmy, with boiling resentment. + +"Can you call it a joke," asked Alfred, incredulously, "to have +our boy----" He stopped suddenly, remembering that there was a +companion piece to this youngster. "The other one!" he +exclaimed, "our other boy----" He rushed to the crib, found it +empty, and turned a terrified face to Zoie. "Where is he?" he +demanded. + +"Now, Alfred," pleaded Zoie, "don't get excited; he's all right." + +"How do you know?" asked the distracted father. + +Zoie did not know, but at that moment her eyes fell upon Jimmy, +and as usual he was the source of an inspiration for her. + +"Jimmy never cared for the other one," she said, "did you, +Jimmy?" + +Alfred turned to the officer, with a tone of command. "Wait," he +said, then he started toward the bedroom door to make sure that +his other boy was quite safe. The picture that confronted him +brought the hair straight up on his head. True to her promise, +and ignorant of Jimmy's return with the first baby, Aggie had +chosen this ill-fated moment to appear on the threshold with one +babe on each arm. + +"Here they are," she said graciously, then stopped in amazement +at sight of the horrified Alfred, clasping a third infant to his +breast. + +"Good God!" exclaimed Alfred, stroking his forehead with his +unoccupied hand, and gazing at what he firmly believed must be an +apparition, "THOSE aren't MINE," he pointed to the two red mites +in Aggie's arms. + +"Wh--why not, Alfred?" stammered Aggie for the want of something +better to say. + +"What?" shrieked Alfred. Then he turned in appeal to his young +wife, whose face had now become utterly expressionless. "Zoie?" +he entreated. + +There was an instant's pause, then the blood returned to Zoie's +face and she proved herself the artist that Alfred had once +declared her. + +"OURS, dear," she murmured softly, with a bashful droop of her +lids. + +"But THIS one?" persisted Alfred, pointing to the baby in his +arms, and feeling sure that his mind was about to give way. + +"Why--why--why," stuttered Zoie, "THAT'S the JOKE." + +"The joke?" echoed Alfred, looking as though he found it anything +but such. + +"Yes," added Aggie, sharing Zoie's desperation to get out of +their temporary difficulty, no matter at what cost in the future. +"Didn't Jimmy tell you?" + +"Tell me WHAT?" stammered Alfred, "what IS there to tell?" + +"Why, you see," said Aggie, growing more enthusiastic with each +elaboration of Zoie's lie, "we didn't dare to break it to you too +suddenly." + +"Break it to me?" gasped Alfred; a new light was beginning to +dawn on his face. + +"So," concluded Zoie, now thoroughly at home in the new +situation, "we asked Jimmy to take THAT one OUT." + +Jimmy cast an inscrutable glance in Zoie's direction. Was it +possible that she was at last assisting him out of a difficulty? + +"You 'ASKED Jimmy'?" repeated Alfred. + +"Yes," confirmed Aggie, with easy confidence, "we wanted you to +get used to the idea gradually." + +"The idea," echoed Alfred. He was afraid to allow his mind to +accept too suddenly the whole significance of their disclosure, +lest his joy over- power him. "You--you--do--don't mean----" he +stuttered. + +"Yes, dear," sighed Zoie, with the face of an angel, and then +with a languid sigh, she sank back contentedly on her pillows. + +"My boys! My boys!" cried Alfred, now delirious with delight. +"Give them to me," he called to Aggie, and he snatched the +surprised infants savagely from her arms. "Give me ALL of them, +ALL of them." He clasped the three babes to his breast, then +dashed to the bedside of the unsuspecting Zoie and covered her +small face with rapturous kisses. + +Feeling the red faces of the little strangers in such close +proximity to hers, Zoie drew away from them with abhorrence, but +unconscious of her unmotherly action, Alfred continued his mad +career about the room, his heart overflowing with gratitude +toward Zoie in particular and mankind in general. Finding Aggie +in the path of his wild jubilee, he treated that bewildered young +matron to an unwelcome kiss. A proceeding which Jimmy did not at +all approve. + +Hardly had Aggie recovered from her surprise when the disgruntled +Jimmy was startled out of his dark mood by the supreme insult of +a loud resounding kiss implanted on his own cheek by his +excitable young friend. Jimmy raised his arm to resist a second +assault, and Alfred veered off in the direction of the officer, +who stepped aside just in time to avoid similar demonstration +from the indiscriminating young father. + +Finding a wide circle prescribed about himself and the babies, +Alfred suddenly stopped and gazed about from one astonished face +to the other. + +"Well," said the officer, regarding Alfred with an injured air, +and feeling much downcast at being so ignominiously deprived of +his short-lived heroism in capturing a supposed criminal, "if +this is all a joke, I'll let the woman go." + +"The woman," repeated Alfred; "what woman?" + +"I nabbed a woman at the foot of the fire-escape," explained the +officer. Zoie and Aggie glanced at each other inquiringly. "I +thought she might be an accomplice." + +"What does she look like, officer?" asked Alfred. His manner was +becoming more paternal, not to say condescending, with the +arrival of each new infant. + +"Don't be silly, Alfred," snapped Zoie, really ashamed that +Alfred was making such an idiot of himself. "It's only the +nurse." + +"Oh, that's it," said Alfred, with a wise nod of comprehension; +"the nurse, then she's in the joke too?" He glanced from one to +the other. They all nodded. "You're all in it," he exclaimed, +flattered to think that they had considered it necessary to +combine the efforts of so many of them to deceive him. + +"Yes," assented Jimmy sadly, "we are all 'in it.' " + +"Well, she's a great actress," decided Alfred, with the air of a +connoisseur. + +"She sure is," admitted Donneghey, more and more disgruntled as +he felt his reputation for detecting fraud slipping from him. +"She put up a phoney story about the kid being hers," he added. +"But I could tell she wasn't on the level. Good-night, sir," he +called to Alfred, and ignoring Jimmy, he passed quickly from the +room. + +"Oh, officer," Alfred called after him. "Hang around downstairs. +I'll be down later and fix things up with you." Again Alfred +gave his whole attention to his new-found family. He leaned over +the cradle and gazed ecstatically into the three small faces +below his. "This is too much," he murmured. + +"Much too much," agreed Jimmy, who was now sitting hunched up on +the couch in his customary attitude of gloom. + +"You were right not to break it to me too suddenly," said Alfred, +and with his arms encircling three infants he settled himself on +the couch by Jimmy's side. "You're a cute one," he continued to +Jimmy, who was edging away from the three mites with aversion. +In the absence of any answer from Jimmy, Alfred appealed to Zoie, +"Isn't he a cute one, dear?" he asked. + +"Oh, yes, VERY," answered Zoie, sarcastically. + +Shutting his lips tight and glancing at Zoie with a determined +effort at self restraint, Jimmy rose from the couch and started +toward the door. + +"If you women are done with me," he said, "I'll clear out." + +"Clear out?" exclaimed Alfred, rising quickly and placing himself +between his old friend and the door. "What a chance," and he +laughed boisterously. "You're not going to get out of my sight +this night," he declared. "I'm just beginning to appreciate all +you've done for me." + +"So am I," assented Jimmy, and unconsciously his hand sought the +spot where his dinner should have been, but Alfred was not to be +resisted. + +"A man needs someone around," he declared, "when he's going +through a thing like this. I need all of you, all of you," and +with his eyes he embraced the weary circle of faces about him. +"I feel as though I could go out of my head," he explained and +with that he began tucking the three small mites in the pink and +white crib designed for but one. + +Zoie regarded him with a bored expression' + +"You act as though you WERE out of your head," she commented, but +Alfred did not heed her. He was now engaged in the unhoped for +bliss of singing three babies to sleep with one lullaby. + +The other occupants of the room were just beginning to relax and +to show some resemblance to their natural selves, when their +features were again simultaneously frozen by a ring at the +outside door. + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +Annoyed at being interrupted in the midst of his lullaby, to +three, Alfred looked up to see Maggie, hatless and out of breath, +bursting into the room, and destroying what was to him an ideally +tranquil home scene. But Maggie paid no heed to Alfred's look of +inquiry. She made directly for the side of Zoie's bed. + +"If you plaze, mum," she panted, looking down at Zoie, and +wringing her hands. + +"What is it?" asked Aggie, who had now reached the side of the +bed. + +" 'Scuse me for comin' right in"--Maggie was breathing hard--"but +me mother sint me to tell you that me father is jus afther comin' +home from work, and he's fightin' mad about the babies, mum." + +"Sh! Sh!" cautioned Aggie and Zoie, as they glanced nervously +toward Alfred who was rising from his place beside the cradle +with increasing interest in Maggie's conversation. + +"Babies?" he repeated, "your father is mad about babies?" + +"It's all right, dear," interrupted Zoie nervously; "you see," +she went on to explain, pointing toward the trembling Maggie, +"this is our washerwoman's little girl. Our washerwoman has had +twins, too, and it made the wash late, and her husband is angry +about it." + +"Oh," said Alfred, with a comprehensive nod, but Maggie was not +to be so easily disposed of. + +"If you please, mum," she objected, "it ain't about the wash. +It's about our baby girls." + +"Girls?" exclaimed Zoie involuntarily. + +"Girls?" repeated Alfred, drawing himself up in the fond +conviction that all his heirs were boys, "No wonder your pa's +angry. I'd be angry too. Come now," he said to Maggie, patting +the child on the shoulder and regarding her indulgently, "you go +straight home and tell your father that what HE needs is BOYS." + +"Well, of course, sir," answered the bewildered Maggie, thinking +that Alfred meant to reflect upon the gender of the offspring +donated by her parents, "if you ain't afther likin' girls, me +mother sint the money back," and with that she began to feel for +the pocket in her red flannel petticoat. + +"The money?" repeated Alfred, in a puzzled way, "what money?" + +It was again Zoie's time to think quickly. + +"The money for the wash, dear," she explained. + +"Nonsense!" retorted Alfred, positively beaming generosity, "who +talks of money at such a time as this?" And taking a ten dollar +bill from his pocket, he thrust it in Maggie's outstretched hand, +while she was trying to return to him the original purchase +money. "Here," he said to the astonished girl, "you take this to +your father. Tell him I sent it to him for his babies. Tell him +to start a bank account with it." + +This was clearly not a case with which one small addled mind +could deal, or at least, so Maggie decided. She had a hazy idea +that Alfred was adding something to the original purchase price +of her young sisters, but she was quite at a loss to know how to +refuse the offer of such a "grand 'hoigh" gentleman, even though +her failure to do so would no doubt result in a beating when she +reached home. She stared at Alfred undecided what to do, the +money still lay in her outstretched hand. + +"I'm afraid Pa'll niver loike it, sir," she said. + +"Like it?" exclaimed Alfred in high feather, and he himself +closed her red little fingers over the bill, "he's GOT to like +it. He'll GROW to like it. Now you run along," he concluded to +Maggie, as he urged her toward the door, "and tell him what I +say." + +"Yes, sir," murmured Maggie, far from sharing Alfred's +enthusiasm. + +Feeling no desire to renew his acquaintance with Maggie, +particularly under Alfred's watchful eye, Jimmy had sought his +old refuge, the high backed chair. As affairs progressed and +there seemed no doubt of Zoie's being able to handle the +situation to the satisfaction of all concerned, Jimmy allowed +exhaustion and the warmth of the firelight to have their way with +him. His mind wandered toward other things and finally into +space. His head dropped lower and lower on his chest; his +breathing became laboured-- so laboured in fact that it attracted +the attention of Maggie, who was about to pass him on her way to +the door. + +"Sure an it's Mr. Jinks!" exclaimed Maggie. Then coming close +to the side of the unsuspecting sleeper, she hissed a startling +message in his ear. "Me mother said to tell you that me fadder's +hoppin' mad at you, sir." + +Jimmy sat up and rubbed his eyes. He studied the young person at +his elbow, then he glanced at Alfred, utterly befuddled as to +what had happened while he had been on a journey to happier +scenes. Apparently Maggie was waiting for an answer to +something, but to what? Jimmy thought he detected an ominous look +in Alfred's eyes. Letting his hand fall over the arm of the +chair so that Alfred could not see it, Jimmy began to make +frantic signals to Maggie to depart; she stared at him the +harder. + +"Go away," whispered Jimmy, but Maggie did not move. "Shoo, +shoo!" he said, and waved her off with his hand. + +Puzzled by Jimmy's sudden aversion to this apparently harmless +child, Alfred turned to Maggie with a puckered brow. + +"Your father's mad at Jimmy?" he repeated. "What about?" + +For once Jimmy found it in his heart to be grateful to Zoie for +the prompt answer that came from her direction. + +"The wash, dear," said Zoie to Alfred; "Jimmy had to go after the +wash," and then with a look which Maggie could not mistake for an +invitation to stop longer, Zoie called to her haughtily, "You +needn't wait, Maggie; we understand." + +"Sure, an' it's more 'an I do," answered Maggie, and shaking her +head sadly, she slipped from the room. + +But Alfred could not immediately dismiss from his mind the +picture of Maggie's inhuman parent. + +"Just fancy," he said, turning his head to one side meditatively, +"fancy any man not liking to be the father of twins," and with +that he again bent over the cradle and surveyed its contents. +"Think, Jimmy," he said, when he had managed to get the three +youngsters in his arms, "just think of the way THAT father feels, +and then think of the way _I_ feel." + +"And then think of the way _I_ feel," grumbled Jimmy. + +"You!" exclaimed Alfred; "what have you to feel about?" + +Before Jimmy could answer, the air was rent by a piercing scream +and a crash of glass from the direction of the inner rooms. + +"What's that?" whispered Aggie, with an anxious glance toward +Zoie. + +"Sounded like breaking glass," said Alfred. + +"Burglars!" exclaimed Zoie, for want of anything better to +suggest. + +"Burglars?" repeated Alfred with a superior air; "nonsense! +Nonsense! Here," he said, turning to Jimmy, "you hold the boys +and I'll go see----" and before Jimmy was aware of the honour +about to be thrust upon him, he felt three red, spineless +morsels, wriggling about in his arms. He made what lap he could +for the armful, and sat up in a stiff, strained attitude on the +edge of the couch. In the meantime, Alfred had strode into the +adjoining room with the air of a conqueror. Aggie looked at +Zoie, with dreadful foreboding. + +"You don't suppose it could be?" she paused. + +"My baby!" shrieked the voice of the Italian mother from the +adjoining room. "Where IS he?" + +Regardless of the discomfort of his three disgruntled charges, +Jimmy began to circle the room. So agitated was his mind that he +could scarcely hear Aggie, who was reporting proceedings from her +place at the bedroom door. + +"She's come up the fire-escape," cried Aggie; "she's beating +Alfred to death." + +"What?" shrieked Zoie, making a flying leap from her coverlets. + +"She's locking him in the bathroom," declared Aggie, and with +that she disappeared from the room, bent on rescue. + +"My Alfred!" cried Zoie, tragically, and she started in pursuit +of Aggie. + +"Wait a minute," called Jimmy, who had not yet been able to find +a satisfactory place in which to deposit his armful of clothes +and humanity. "What shall I do with these things?" + +"Eat 'em," was Zoie's helpful retort, as the trailing end of her +negligee disappeared from the room. + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +Now, had Jimmy been less perturbed during the latter part of this +commotion, he might have heard the bell of the outside door, +which had been ringing violently for some minutes. As it was, he +was wholly unprepared for the flying advent of Maggie. + +"Oh, plaze, sir," she cried, pointing with trembling fingers +toward the babes in Jimmy's arms, "me fadder's coming right +behind me. He's a-lookin' for you sir." + +"For me," murmured Jimmy, wondering vaguely why everybody on +earth seemed to be looking for HIM. + +"Put 'em down, sir," cried Maggie, still pointing to the three +babies, "put 'em down. He's liable to wallop you." + +"Put 'em where?" asked Jimmy, now utterly confused as to which +way to turn. + +"There," said Maggie, and she pointed to the cradle beneath his +very eyes. + +"Of course," said Jimmy vapidly, and he sank on his knees and +strove to let the wobbly creatures down easily. + +Bang went the outside door. + +"That's Pa now," cried Maggie. "Oh hide, sir, hide." And with +that disconcerting warning, she too deserted him. + +"Hide where?" gasped Jimmy. + +There was a moment's awful silence. Jimmy rose very cautiously +from the cradle, his eyes sought the armchair. It had always +betrayed him. He glanced toward the window. It was twelve +stories to the pavement. He looked towards the opposite door; +beyond that was the mad Italian woman. His one chance lay in +slipping unnoticed through the hallway; he made a determined dash +in that direction, but no sooner had he put his head through the +door, than he drew it back quickly. The conversation between +O'Flarety and the maid in the hallway was not reassuring. Jimmy +decided to take a chance with the Italian mother, and as fast as +he could, he streaked it toward the opposite door. The shrieks +and denunciations that he met from this direction were more +disconcerting than those of the Irish father. For an instant he +stood in the centre of the room, wavering as to which side to +surrender himself. + +The thunderous tones of the enraged father drew nearer; he threw +himself on the floor and attempted to roll under the bed; the +space between the railing and the floor was far too narrow. Why +had he disregarded Aggie's advice as to diet? The knob of the +door handle was turning--he vaulted into the bed and drew the +covers over his head just as O'Flarety, trembling with +excitement, and pursued by Maggie, burst into the room. + +"Lave go of me," cried O'Flarety to Maggie, who clung to his arm +in a vain effort to soothe him, and flinging her off, he made +straight for the bed. + +"Ah," he cried, gazing with dilated nostrils at the trembling +object beneath the covers, "there you are, mum," and he shook his +fist above what he believed to be the cowardly Mrs. Hardy. " +'Tis well ye may cover up your head," said he, "for shame on yez! +Me wife may take in washing, but when I comes home at night I +wants me kids, and I'll be after havin' 'em too. Where ar' +they?" he demanded. Then getting no response from the agitated +covers, he glanced wildly about the room. "Glory be to God!" he +exclaimed as his eyes fell on the crib; but he stopped short in +astonishment, when upon peering into it, he found not one, or +two, but three "barren." + +"They're child stalers, that's what they are," he declared to +Maggie, as he snatched Bridget and Norah to his no doubt +comforting breast. "Me little Biddy," he crooned over his much +coveted possession. "Me little Norah," he added fondly, looking +down at his second. The thought of his narrow escape from losing +these irreplaceable treasures rekindled his wrath. Again he +strode toward the bed and looked down at the now semi-quiet +comforter. + +"The black heart of ye, mum," he roared, then ordering Maggie to +give back "every penny of that shameless creetur's money" he +turned toward the door. + +So intense had been O'Flarety's excitement and so engrossed was +he in his denunciation that he had failed to see the wild-eyed +Italian woman rushing toward him from the opposite door. + +"You, you!" cried the frenzied woman and, to O'Flarety's +astonishment, she laid two strong hands upon his arm and drew him +round until he faced her. "Where are you going with my baby?" +she asked, then peering into the face of the infant nearest to +her, she uttered a disappointed moan. " 'Tis not my baby!" she +cried. She scanned the face of the second infant--again she +moaned. + +Having begun to identify this hysterical creature as the possible +mother of the third infant, O'Flarety jerked his head in the +direction of the cradle. + +"I guess you'll find what you're lookin' for in there," he said. +Then bidding Maggie to "git along out o' this" and shrugging his +shoulders to convey his contempt for the fugitive beneath the +coverlet, he swept quickly from the room. + +Clasping her long-sought darling to her heart and weeping with +delight, the Italian mother was about to follow O'Flarety through +the door when Zoie staggered into the room, weak and exhausted. + +"You, you!" called the indignant Zoie to the departing mother. +"How dare you lock my husband in the bathroom?" She pointed to +the key, which the woman still unconsciously clasped in her hand. +"Give me that key," she demanded, "give it to me this instant." + +"Take your horrid old key," said the mother, and she threw it on +the floor. "If you ever try to get my baby again, I'll lock your +husband in JAIL," and murmuring excited maledictions in her +native tongue, she took her welcome departure. + +Zoie stooped for the key, one hand to her giddy head, but Aggie, +who had just returned to the room, reached the key first and +volunteered to go to the aid of the captive Alfred, who was +pounding desperately on the bathroom door and demanding his +instant release. + +"I'll let him out," said Aggie. "You get into bed," and she +slipped quickly from the room. + +Utterly exhausted and half blind with fatigue Zoie lifted the +coverlet and slipped beneath it. Her first sensation was of +touching something rough and scratchy, then came the awful +conviction that the thing against which she lay was alive. + +Without stopping to investigate the identity of her uninvited +bed-fellow, or even daring to look behind her, Zoie fled from the +room emitting a series of screams that made all her previous +efforts in that direction seem mere baby cries. So completely +had Jimmy been enveloped in the coverlets and for so long a time +that he had acquired a vague feeling of aloftness toward the rest +of his fellows, and had lost all knowledge of their goings and +comings. But when his unexpected companion was thrust upon him +he was galvanised into sudden action by her scream, and swathed +in a large pink comforter, he rolled ignominiously from the upper +side of the bed, where he lay on the floor panting and enmeshed, +awaiting further developments. Of one thing he was certain, a +great deal had transpired since he had sought the friendly solace +of the covers and he had no mind to lose so good a friend as the +pink comforter. By the time he had summoned sufficient courage +to peep from under its edge, a babel of voices was again drawing +near, and he hastily drew back in his shell and waited. + +Not daring to glance at the scene of her fright, Zoie pushed +Aggie before her into the room and demanded that she look in the +bed. + +Seeing the bed quite empty and noticing nothing unusual in the +fact that the pink comforter, along with other covers, had +slipped down behind it, Aggie hastened to reassure her terrified +friend. + +"You imagined it, Zoie," she declared, "look for yourself." + +Zoie's small face peeped cautiously around the edge of the +doorway. + +"Well, perhaps I did," she admitted; then she slipped gingerly +into the room, "my nerves are jumping like fizzy water." + +They were soon to "jump" more, for at this instant, Alfred, +burning with anger at the indignity of having been locked in the +bathroom, entered the room, demanding to know the whereabouts of +the lunatic mother, who had dared to make him a captive in his +own house. + +"Where is she?" he called to Zoie and Aggie, and his eye roved +wildly about the room. Then his mind reverted with anxiety to +his newly acquired offspring. "My boys!" he cried, and he rushed +toward the crib. "They're gone!" he declared tragically. + +"Gone?" echoed Aggie. + +"Not ALL of them," said Zoie. + +"All," insisted Alfred, and his hands went distractedly toward +his head. "She's taken them all." + +Zoie and Aggie looked at each other in a dazed way. They had a +hazy recollection of having seen one babe disappear with the +Italian woman, but what had become of the other two? + +"Where did they go?" asked Aggie. + +"I don't know," said Zoie, with the first truth she had spoken +that night, "I left them with Jimmy." + +"Jimmy!" shrieked Alfred, and a diabolical light lit his +features. "Jimmy!" he snorted, with sudden comprehension, "then +he's at it again. He's crazy as she is. This is inhuman. This +joke has got to stop!" And with that decision he started toward +the outer door. + +"But Allie!" protested Zoie, really alarmed by the look that she +saw on his face. + +Alfred turned to his trembling wife with suppressed excitement, +and patted her shoulder condescendingly. + +"Control yourself, my dear," he said. "Control yourself; I'll +get your babies for you--trust me, I'll get them. And then," he +added with parting emphasis from the doorway, "I'll SETTLE WITH +JIMMY!" + +By uncovering one eye, Jimmy could now perceive that Zoie and +Aggie were engaged in a heated argument at the opposite side of +the room. By uncovering one ear he learned that they were +arranging a line of action for him immediately upon his +reappearance. He determined not to wait for the details. + +Fixing himself cautiously on all fours, and making sure that he +was well covered by the pink comforter, he began to crawl slowly +toward the bedroom door. + +Turning away from Aggie with an impatient exclamation, Zoie +suddenly beheld what seemed to her a large pink monster with +protruding claws wriggling its way hurriedly toward the inner +room. + +"Look!" she screamed, and pointing in horror toward the dreadful +creature now dragging itself across the threshold, she sank +fainting into Aggie's outstretched arms. + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +Having dragged the limp form of her friend to the near-by couch, +Aggie was bending over her to apply the necessary restoratives, +when Alfred returned in triumph. He was followed by the officer +in whose arms were three infants, and behind whom was the irate +O'Flarety, the hysterical Italian woman, and last of all, Maggie. + +"Bring them all in here, officer," called Alfred over his +shoulder. "I'll soon prove to you whose babies those are." Then +turning to Aggie, who stood between him and the fainting Zoie he +cried triumphantly, "I've got them Aggie, I've got them." He +glanced toward the empty bed. "Where's Zoie?" he asked. + +"She's fainted," said Aggie, and stepping from in front of the +young wife, she pointed toward the couch. + +"Oh, my darling!" cried Alfred, with deep concern as he rushed to +Zoie and began frantically patting her hands. "My poor +frightened darling!" Then he turned to the officer, his sense of +injury welling high within him, "You see what these people have +done to my wife? She's fainted." Ignoring the uncomplimentary +remarks of O'Flarety, he again bent over Zoie. + +"Rouse yourself, my dear," he begged of her. "Look at me," he +pleaded. "Your babies are safe." + +"HER babies!" snorted O'Flarety, unable longer to control his +pent up indignation. + +"I'll let you know when I want to hear from you," snarled the +officer to O'Flarety. + +"But they're NOT her babies," protested the Italian woman +desperately. + +"Cut it," shouted the officer, and with low mutterings, the +outraged parents were obliged to bide their time. + +Lifting Zoie to a sitting posture Alfred fanned her gently until +she regained her senses. "Your babies are all right," he assured +her. "I've brought them all back to you." + +"All?" gasped Zoie weakly, and she wondered what curious fate had +been intervening to assist Alfred in such a prodigious +undertaking. + +"Yes, dear," said Alfred, "every one," and he pointed toward the +three infants in the officer's arms. "See, dear, see." + +Zoie turned her eyes upon what SEEMED to her numberless red +faces. "Oh!" she moaned and again she swooned. + +"I told you she'd be afraid to face us," shouted the now +triumphant O'Flarety. + +"You brute!" retorted the still credulous Alfred, "how dare you +persecute this poor demented mother?" + +Alfred's persistent solicitude for Zoie was too much for the +resentful Italian woman. + +"She didn't persecute me, oh no!" she exclaimed sarcastically. + +"Keep still, you!" commanded the officer. + +Again Zoie was reviving and again Alfred lifted her in his arms +and begged her to assure the officer that the babies in question +were hers. + +"Let's hear her SAY it," demanded O'Flarety. + +"You SHALL hear her," answered Alfred, with confidence. Then he +beckoned to the officer to approach, explaining that Zoie was +very weak. + +"Sure," said the officer; then planting himself directly in front +of Zoie's half closed eyes, he thrust the babies upon her +attention. + +"Look, Zoie!" pleaded Alfred. "Look!" + +Zoie opened her eyes to see three small red faces immediately +opposite her own. + +"Take them away!" she cried, with a frantic wave of her arm, +"take them away!" + +"What?" exclaimed Alfred in astonishment. + +"What did I tell you?" shouted O'Flarety. This hateful reminder +brought Alfred again to the protection of his young and +defenceless wife. + +"The excitement has unnerved her," he said to the officer. + +"Ain't you about done with my kids?" asked O'Flarety, marvelling +how any man with so little penetration as the officer, managed to +hold down a "good payin' job." + +"What do you want for your proof anyway?" asked the mother. But +Alfred's faith in the validity of his new parenthood was not to +be so easily shaken. + +"My wife is in no condition to be questioned," he declared. +"She's out of her head, and if you don't----" + +He stepped suddenly, for without warning, the door was thrown +open and a second officer strode into their midst dragging by the +arm the reluctant Jimmy. + +"I guess I've got somethin' here that you folks need in your +business," he called, nodding toward the now utterly demoralised +Jimmy. + +"Jimmy!" exclaimed Aggie, having at last got her breath. + +"The Joker!" cried Alfred, bearing down upon the panting Jimmy +with a ferocious expression. + +"I caught him slipping down the fire-escape," explained the +officer. + +"Again?" exclaimed Aggie and Alfred in tones of deep reproach. + +"Jimmy," said Alfred, coming close to his friend, and fixing his +eyes upon him in a determined effort to control the poor +creature's fast failing faculties, "you know the truth of this +thing. You are the one who sent me that telegram, you are the +one who told me that I was a father." + +"Well, aren't you a father?" asked Aggie, trying to protect her +dejected spouse. + +"Of course I am," replied Alfred, with every confidence, "but I +have to prove it to the officer. Jimmy knows," he concluded. +Then turning to the uncomfortable man at his side, he demanded +imperatively, "Tell the officer the truth, you idiot. No more of +your jokes. Am I a father or am I not?" + +"If you're depending on ME for your future offspring," answered +Jimmy, wagging his head with the air of a man reckless of +consequences, "you are NOT a father." + +"Depending on YOU?" gasped Alfred, and he stared at his friend in +bewilderment. "What do you mean by that?" + +"Ask them," answered Jimmy, and he nodded toward Zoie and Aggie. + +Alfred appealed to Aggie. + +"Ask Zoie," said Aggie. + +Alfred bent over the form of the again prostrate Zoie. "My +darling," he entreated, "rouse yourself." Slowly she opened her +eyes. "Now," said Alfred, with enforced self-control, "you must +look the officer squarely in the eye and tell him whose babies +those are," and he nodded toward the officer, who was now +beginning to entertain grave doubts on the subject. + +"How should _I_ know?" cried Zoie, too exhausted for further +lying. + +"What!" exclaimed Alfred, his hand on his forehead. + +"I only borrowed them," said Zoie, "to get you home," and with +that she sank back on the couch and closed her eyes. + +"What did I tell you?" cried the triumphant O'Flarety. + +"I guess they're your'n all right," admitted the officer +doggedly, and he grudgingly released the three infants to their +rightful parents. + +"I guess they'd better be," shouted O'Flarety; then he and the +Italian woman made for the door with their babes pressed close to +their hearts. + +"Wait a minute," cried Alfred. "I want an understanding." + +O'Flarety turned in the doorway and raised a warning fist. + +"If you don't leave my kids alone, you'll GIT 'an understanding.' +" + +"Me too," added the mother. + +"On your way," commanded the officer to the pair of them, and +together with Maggie and the officer, they disappeared forever +from the Hardy household. + +Alfred gazed about the room. "My God!" he exclaimed; then he +turned to Jimmy who was still in the custody of the second +officer: "If I'm not a father, what am I?" + +"I'd hate to tell you," was Jimmy's unsympathetic reply, and in +utter dejection Alfred sank on the foot of the bed and buried his +head in his hands. + +"What shall I do with this one, sir?" asked the officer, +undecided as to Jimmy's exact standing in the household. + +"Shoot him, for all I care," groaned Alfred, and he rocked to and +fro. + +"How ungrateful!" exclaimed Aggie, then she signalled to the +officer to go. + +"No more of your funny business," said the officer with a parting +nod at Jimmy and a vindictive light in his eyes when he +remembered the bruises that Jimmy had left on his shins. + +"Oh, Jimmy!" said Aggie sympathetically, and she pressed her hot +face against his round apoplectic cheek. "You poor dear! And +after all you have done for us!" + +"Yes," sneered Zoie, having regained sufficient strength to +stagger to her feet, "he's done a lot, hasn't he?" And then +forgetting that her original adventure with Jimmy which had +brought about such disastrous results was still unknown to Aggie +and Alfred, she concluded bitterly, "All this would never have +happened, if it hadn't been for Jimmy and his horrid old +luncheon." + +Jimmy was startled. This was too much, and just as he had seemed +to be well out of complications for the remainder of his no doubt +short life. He turned to bolt for the door but Aggie's eyes were +upon him. + +"Luncheon?" exclaimed Aggie and she regarded him with a puzzled +frown. + +Zoie's hand was already over her lips, but too late. + +Recovering from his somewhat bewildering sense of loss, Alfred, +too, was now beginning to sit up and take notice. + +"What luncheon?" he demanded. + +Zoie gazed from Alfred to Aggie, then at Jimmy, then resolving to +make a clean breast of the matter, she sidled toward Alfred with +her most ingratiating manner. + +"Now, Alfred," she purred, as she endeavoured to act one arm +about his unsuspecting neck, "if you'll only listen, I'll tell +you the REAL TRUTH." + +A wild despairing cry from Alfred, a dash toward the door by +Jimmy, and a determined effort on Aggie's part to detain her +spouse, temporarily interrupted Zoie's narrative. + +But in spite of these discouragements, Zoie did eventually tell +Alfred the real truth, and before the sun had risen on the +beginning of another day, she had added to her confession, +promises whose happy fulfillment was evidenced for many years +after by the chatter of glad young voices, up and down the +stairway of Alfred's new suburban home, and the flutter of golden +curls in and out amongst the sunlight and shadows of his ample, +well kept grounds. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Baby Mine, by Margaret Mayo + |