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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:31:50 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:31:50 -0700 |
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diff --git a/8583-h/8583-h.htm b/8583-h/8583-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..686bdf2 --- /dev/null +++ b/8583-h/8583-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2995 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>Roughing It, Part 2</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7; margin:10%; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; } + blockquote {font-size: 97% } + .figleft {float: left;} + .figright {float: right;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> + + +</head> +<body> + +<h2>ROUGHING IT, By Mark Twain, Part 2 </h2> +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Roughing It, Part 2., by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Roughing It, Part 2. + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: July 2, 2004 [EBook #8583] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUGHING IT, PART 2. *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + + +<br> +<hr> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + +<center><img alt="cover.jpg (90K)" src="images/cover.jpg" height="1071" width="733"></center> +<br><br><br><br> +<center><img alt="spine.jpg (54K)" src="images/spine.jpg" height="1071" width="307"></center> +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<h1>ROUGHING IT, Part 2</h1> +<br><br> +<h2>By Mark Twain</h2> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> +<center><img alt="frontispiece1.jpg (168K)" src="images/frontispiece1.jpg" height="643" width="903"></center> +<br><br><br><br> +<a name="frontispiece2"></a> +<center><img alt="frontispiece2.jpg (184K)" src="images/frontispiece2.jpg" height="1020" width="600"></center> +<br><br><br><br> +<center><img alt="titlepage.jpg (95K)" src="images/titlepage.jpg" height="1064" width="705"></center> +<br><br><br><br> +<center><img alt="dedication.jpg (18K)" src="images/dedication.jpg" height="273" width="425"></center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><h2>PREFATORY.</h2> </center> +<br> +<p>This book is merely a personal narrative, and not a +pretentious history or a philosophical dissertation. It is a +record of several years of variegated vagabondizing, and its +object is rather to help the resting reader while away an idle +hour than afflict him with metaphysics, or goad him with science. +Still, there is information in the volume; information concerning +an interesting episode in the history of the Far West, about +which no books have been written by persons who were on the +ground in person, and saw the happenings of the time with their +own eyes. I allude to the rise, growth and culmination of the +silver-mining fever in Nevada—a curious episode, in some +respects; the only one, of its peculiar kind, that has occurred +in the land; and the only one, indeed, that is likely to occur in +it.</p> + +<p>Yes, take it all around, there is quite a good deal of +information in the book. I regret this very much; but really it +could not be helped: information appears to stew out of me +naturally, like the precious ottar of roses out of the otter. +Sometimes it has seemed to me that I would give worlds if I could +retain my facts; but it cannot be. The more I calk up the +sources, and the tighter I get, the more I leak wisdom. +Therefore, I can only claim indulgence at the hands of the +reader, not justification.</p> + +<p>THE AUTHOR.</p> +<br><br><br><br> +<center><h2>CONTENTS.</h2></center> +<br> + + + + +<blockquote><blockquote> + +<p><a href="#ch11">CHAPTER XI</a>. Slade in Montana—"On a Spree"—In Court—Attack +on a Judge—Arrest by the Vigilantes—Turn out of the +Miners—Execution of Slade—Lamentations of His Wife—Was Slade a +Coward?</p> + +<p><a href="#ch12">CHAPTER XII.</a> A Mormon Emigrant Train—The Heart of the Rocky +Mountains—Pure Saleratus—A Natural Ice-House—An Entire +Inhabitant—In Sight of "Eternal Snow"—The South Pass—The +Parting Streams—An Unreliable Letter Carrier—Meeting of Old +Friends—A Spoiled Watermelon—Down the Mountain- -A Scene of +Desolation—Lost in the Dark—Unnecessary Advice—U.S. Troops and +Indians—Sublime Spectacle—Another Delusion Dispelled—Among the +Angels</p> + +<p><a href="#ch13">CHAPTER XIII.</a> Mormons and Gentiles—Exhilarating Drink, and +its Effect on Bemis—Salt Lake City—A Great Contrast—A Mormon +Vagrant—Talk with a Saint—A Visit to the "King"—A Happy +Simile</p> + +<p><a href="#ch14">CHAPTER XIV.</a> Mormon Contractors—How Mr. Street Astonished +Them—The Case Before Brigham Young, and How he Disposed of +it—Polygamy Viewed from a New Position</p> + +<p><a href="#ch15">CHAPTER XV.</a> A Gentile Den—Polygamy Discussed—Favorite Wife +and D. 4—Hennery for Retired Wives—Children Need Marking—Cost +of a Gift to No. 6—A Penny- whistle Gift and its +Effects—Fathering the Foundlings—It Resembled Him—The Family +Bedstead</p> + +<p><a href="#ch16">CHAPTER XVI.</a> The Mormon Bible—Proofs of its +Divinity—Plagiarism of its Authors—Story of Nephi—Wonderful +Battle—Kilkenny Cats Outdone</p> + +<p><a href="#ch17">CHAPTER XVII.</a> Three Sides to all Questions—Everything "A +Quarter"—Shriveled Up—Emigrants and White Shirts at a +Discount—"Forty-Niners"—Above Par—Real Happiness</p> + +<p><a href="#ch18">CHAPTER XVIII.</a> Alkali Desert—Romance of Crossing +Dispelled—Alkali Dust—Effect on the Mules—Universal +Thanksgiving</p> + +<p><a href="#ch19">CHAPTER XIX.</a> The Digger Indians Compared with the Bushmen of +Africa—Food, Life and Characteristics—Cowardly Attack on a +Stage Coach—A Brave Driver—The Noble Red Man</p> + +<p><a href="#ch20">CHAPTER XX.</a> The Great American Desert—Forty Miles on +Bones—Lakes Without Outlets—Greely's Remarkable Ride—Hank +Monk, the Renowned Driver—Fatal Effects of "Corking" a +Story—Bald-Headed Anecdote</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<br><br><br><br> + + +<center><h2>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2></center> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + + +44. <a href="#092">SLADE IN COURT</a><br> +45. <a href="#095">A WIFE'S LAMENTATIONS</a><br> +46. <a href="#099">THE CONCENTRATED INHABITANT</a><br> +47. <a href="#100">THE SOUTH PASS</a><br> +48. <a href="#101">THE PARTED STREAMS</a><br> +49. <a href="#102">IT SPOILED THE MELON</a><br> +50. <a href="#103">THE CAYOTE AND THE RAVEN</a><br> +51. <a href="#104">"DON'T COME HERE ...</a><br> +52. <a href="#105">"THINK I'M A FOOL ...</a><br> +53. <a href="#106">THE "DESTROYING ANGEL...</a><br> +54. <a href="#109">EFFECTS OF "VALLEY TAN"</a><br> +55. <a href="#110a">ONE CREST</a><br> +56. <a href="#110b">THE OTHER</a><br> +57. <a href="#111">THE VAGRANT</a><br> +58. <a href="#112">PORTRAIT OF EBER KIMBALL</a><br> +59. <a href="#113">PORTRAIT OR BRIGHAM YOUNG</a><br> +60. <a href="#116">THE CONTRACTORS BEFORE THE KING</a><br> +61. <a href="#117">I WAS TOUCHED</a><br> +62. <a href="#118">THE ENDOWMENT</a><br> +63. <a href="#120">FAVORITE WIFE AND D.4</a><br> +64. <a href="#121">NEEDED MARKING</a><br> +65. <a href="#124">A REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE</a><br> +66. <a href="#126">THE FAMILY BEDSTEAD</a><br> +67. <a href="#131">THE MIRACULOUS COMPASS</a><br> +68. <a href="#137">THREE SIDES TO A QUESTION</a><br> +69. <a href="#138">RESULT OF HFGH FREIGHTS</a><br> +70. <a href="#139">A SHRIVELED QUARTER</a><br> +71. <a href="#140">AN OBJECT OF PITY</a><br> +72. <a href="#141">TAIL-PIECE</a><br> +73. <a href="#145">TAIL-PIECE</a><br> +74. <a href="#147">GOSHOTT INDIANS HANGING AROUND</a><br> +75. <a href="#148">THE DRIVE FOR LIFE</a><br> +76. <a href="#151">GREELEY'S RIDE</a><br> +77. <a href="#154">BOTTLING AN ANECDOTE</a><br> +78. <a href="#156">TAIL-PIECE</a><br> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br><br><br><br> + + + + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch11"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XI.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>And sure enough, two or three years afterward, we did hear him +again. News came to the Pacific coast that the Vigilance +Committee in Montana (whither Slade had removed from Rocky Ridge) +had hanged him. I find an account of the affair in the thrilling +little book I quoted a paragraph from in the last chapter—"The +Vigilantes of Montana; being a Reliable Account of the Capture, +Trial and Execution of Henry Plummer's Notorious Road Agent Band: +By Prof. Thos. J. Dimsdale, Virginia City, M.T." Mr. Dimsdale's +chapter is well worth reading, as a specimen of how the people of +the frontier deal with criminals when the courts of law prove +inefficient. Mr. Dimsdale makes two remarks about Slade, both of +which are accurately descriptive, and one of which is exceedingly +picturesque: "Those who saw him in his natural state only, would +pronounce him to be a kind husband, a most hospitable host and a +courteous gentleman; on the contrary, those who met him when +maddened with liquor and surrounded by a gang of armed roughs, +would pronounce him a fiend incarnate." And this: "From Fort +Kearney, west, he was feared a great deal more than the +almighty." For compactness, simplicity and vigor of expression, I +will "back" that sentence against anything in literature. Mr. +Dimsdale's narrative is as follows. In all places where italics +occur, they are mine:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>After the execution of the five men on the 14th of January, +the Vigilantes considered that their work was nearly ended. They +had freed the country of highwaymen and murderers to a great +extent, and they determined that in the absence of the regular +civil authority they would establish a People's Court where all +offenders should be tried by judge and jury. This was the nearest +approach to social order that the circumstances permitted, and, +though strict legal authority was wanting, yet the people were +firmly determined to maintain its efficiency, and to enforce its +decrees. It may here be mentioned that the overt act which was +the last round on the fatal ladder leading to the scaffold on +which Slade perished, was the tearing in pieces and stamping upon +a writ of this court, followed by his arrest of the Judge Alex. +Davis, by authority of a presented Derringer, and with his own +hands.</p> + +<p>J. A. Slade was himself, we have been informed, a Vigilante; +he openly boasted of it, and said he knew all that they knew. He +was never accused, or even suspected, of either murder or +robbery, committed in this Territory (the latter crime was never +laid to his charge, in any place); but that he had killed several +men in other localities was notorious, and his bad reputation in +this respect was a most powerful argument in determining his +fate, when he was finally arrested for the offence above +mentioned. On returning from Milk River he became more and more +addicted to drinking, until at last it was a common feat for him +and his friends to "take the town." He and a couple of his +dependents might often be seen on one horse, galloping through +the streets, shouting and yelling, firing revolvers, etc. On many +occasions he would ride his horse into stores, break up bars, +toss the scales out of doors and use most insulting language to +parties present. Just previous to the day of his arrest, he had +given a fearful beating to one of his followers; but such was his +influence over them that the man wept bitterly at the gallows, +and begged for his life with all his power. It had become quite +common, when Slade was on a spree, for the shop-keepers and +citizens to close the stores and put out all the lights; being +fearful of some outrage at his hands. For his wanton destruction +of goods and furniture, he was always ready to pay, when sober, +if he had money; but there were not a few who regarded payment as +small satisfaction for the outrage, and these men were his +personal enemies.</p> + +<p>From time to time Slade received warnings from men that he +well knew would not deceive him, of the certain end of his +conduct. There was not a moment, for weeks previous to his +arrest, in which the public did not expect to hear of some bloody +outrage. The dread of his very name, and the presence of the +armed band of hangers-on who followed him alone prevented a +resistance which must certainly have ended in the instant murder +or mutilation of the opposing party.</p> + +<p>Slade was frequently arrested by order of the court whose +organization we have described, and had treated it with respect +by paying one or two fines and promising to pay the rest when he +had money; but in the transaction that occurred at this crisis, +he forgot even this caution, and goaded by passion and the hatred +of restraint, he sprang into the embrace of death.</p> + +<p>Slade had been drunk and "cutting up" all night. He and his +companions had made the town a perfect hell. In the morning, J. +M. Fox, the sheriff, met him, arrested him, took him into court +and commenced reading a warrant that he had for his arrest, by +way of arraignment. He became uncontrollably furious, and seizing +the writ, he tore it up, threw it on the ground and stamped upon +it.</p> + +<a name="092"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="092.jpg (121K)" src="images/092.jpg" height="612" width="618"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The clicking of the locks of his companions' revolvers was +instantly heard, and a crisis was expected. The sheriff did not +attempt his retention; but being at least as prudent as he was +valiant, he succumbed, leaving Slade the master of the situation +and the conqueror and ruler of the courts, law and law-makers. +This was a declaration of war, and was so accepted. The Vigilance +Committee now felt that the question of social order and the +preponderance of the law-abiding citizens had then and there to +be decided. They knew the character of Slade, and they were well +aware that they must submit to his rule without murmur, or else +that he must be dealt with in such fashion as would prevent his +being able to wreak his vengeance on the committee, who could +never have hoped to live in the Territory secure from outrage or +death, and who could never leave it without encountering his +friend, whom his victory would have emboldened and stimulated to +a pitch that would have rendered them reckless of consequences. +The day previous he had ridden into Dorris's store, and on being +requested to leave, he drew his revolver and threatened to kill +the gentleman who spoke to him. Another saloon he had led his +horse into, and buying a bottle of wine, he tried to make the +animal drink it. This was not considered an uncommon performance, +as he had often entered saloons and commenced firing at the +lamps, causing a wild stampede.</p> + +<p>A leading member of the committee met Slade, and informed him +in the quiet, earnest manner of one who feels the importance of +what he is saying: "Slade, get your horse at once, and go home, +or there will be——to pay." Slade started and took a long +look, with his dark and piercing eyes, at the gentleman. "What do +you mean?" said he. "You have no right to ask me what I mean," +was the quiet reply, "get your horse at once, and remember what I +tell you." After a short pause he promised to do so, and actually +got into the saddle; but, being still intoxicated, he began +calling aloud to one after another of his friends, and at last +seemed to have forgotten the warning he had received and became +again uproarious, shouting the name of a well-known courtezan in +company with those of two men whom he considered heads of the +committee, as a sort of challenge; perhaps, however, as a simple +act of bravado. It seems probable that the intimation of personal +danger he had received had not been forgotten entirely; though +fatally for him, he took a foolish way of showing his remembrance +of it. He sought out Alexander Davis, the Judge of the Court, and +drawing a cocked Derringer, he presented it at his head, and told +him that he should hold him as a hostage for his own safety. As +the judge stood perfectly quiet, and offered no resistance to his +captor, no further outrage followed on this score. Previous to +this, on account of the critical state of affairs, the committee +had met, and at last resolved to arrest him. His execution had +not been agreed upon, and, at that time, would have been +negatived, most assuredly. A messenger rode down to Nevada to +inform the leading men of what was on hand, as it was desirable +to show that there was a feeling of unanimity on the subject, all +along the gulch.</p> + +<p>The miners turned out almost en masse, leaving their work and +forming in solid column about six hundred strong, armed to the +teeth, they marched up to Virginia. The leader of the body well +knew the temper of his men on the subject. He spurred on ahead of +them, and hastily calling a meeting of the executive, he told +them plainly that the miners meant "business," and that, if they +came up, they would not stand in the street to be shot down by +Slade's friends; but that they would take him and hang him. The +meeting was small, as the Virginia men were loath to act at all. +This momentous announcement of the feeling of the Lower Town was +made to a cluster of men, who were deliberation behind a wagon, +at the rear of a store on Main street.</p> + +<p>The committee were most unwilling to proceed to extremities. +All the duty they had ever performed seemed as nothing to the +task before them; but they had to decide, and that quickly. It +was finally agreed that if the whole body of the miners were of +the opinion that he should be hanged, that the committee left it +in their hands to deal with him. Off, at hot speed, rode the +leader of the Nevada men to join his command.</p> + +<p>Slade had found out what was intended, and the news sobered +him instantly. He went into P. S. Pfouts' store, where Davis was, +and apologized for his conduct, saying that he would take it all +back.</p> + +<p>The head of the column now wheeled into Wallace street and +marched up at quick time. Halting in front of the store, the +executive officer of the committee stepped forward and arrested +Slade, who was at once informed of his doom, and inquiry was made +as to whether he had any business to settle. Several parties +spoke to him on the subject; but to all such inquiries he turned +a deaf ear, being entirely absorbed in the terrifying reflections +on his own awful position. He never ceased his entreaties for +life, and to see his dear wife. The unfortunate lady referred to, +between whom and Slade there existed a warm affection, was at +this time living at their ranch on the Madison. She was possessed +of considerable personal attractions; tall, well-formed, of +graceful carriage, pleasing manners, and was, withal, an +accomplished horsewoman.</p> + +<p>A messenger from Slade rode at full speed to inform her of her +husband's arrest. In an instant she was in the saddle, and with +all the energy that love and despair could lend to an ardent +temperament and a strong physique, she urged her fleet charger +over the twelve miles of rough and rocky ground that intervened +between her and the object of her passionate devotion.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile a party of volunteers had made the necessary +preparations for the execution, in the valley traversed by the +branch. Beneath the site of Pfouts and Russell's stone building +there was a corral, the gate-posts of which were strong and high. +Across the top was laid a beam, to which the rope was fastened, +and a dry-goods box served for the platform. To this place Slade +was marched, surrounded by a guard, composing the best armed and +most numerous force that has ever appeared in Montana +Territory.</p> + +<p>The doomed man had so exhausted himself by tears, prayers and +lamentations, that he had scarcely strength left to stand under +the fatal beam. He repeatedly exclaimed, "My God! my God! must I +die? Oh, my dear wife!"</p> + +<p>On the return of the fatigue party, they encountered some +friends of Slade, staunch and reliable citizens and members of +the committee, but who were personally attached to the condemned. +On hearing of his sentence, one of them, a stout-hearted man, +pulled out his handkerchief and walked away, weeping like a +child. Slade still begged to see his wife, most piteously, and it +seemed hard to deny his request; but the bloody consequences that +were sure to follow the inevitable attempt at a rescue, that her +presence and entreaties would have certainly incited, forbade the +granting of his request. Several gentlemen were sent for to see +him, in his last moments, one of whom (Judge Davis) made a short +address to the people; but in such low tones as to be inaudible, +save to a few in his immediate vicinity. One of his friends, +after exhausting his powers of entreaty, threw off his coat and +declared that the prisoner could not be hanged until he himself +was killed. A hundred guns were instantly leveled at him; +whereupon he turned and fled; but, being brought back, he was +compelled to resume his coat, and to give a promise of future +peaceable demeanor.</p> + +<p>Scarcely a leading man in Virginia could be found, though +numbers of the citizens joined the ranks of the guard when the +arrest was made. All lamented the stern necessity which dictated +the execution.</p> + +<p>Everything being ready, the command was given, "Men, do your +duty," and the box being instantly slipped from beneath his feet, +he died almost instantaneously.</p> + +<p>The body was cut down and carried to the Virginia Hotel, +where, in a darkened room, it was scarcely laid out, when the +unfortunate and bereaved companion of the deceased arrived, at +headlong speed, to find that all was over, and that she was a +widow. Her grief and heart-piercing cries were terrible evidences +of the depth of her attachment for her lost husband, and a +considerable period elapsed before she could regain the command +of her excited feelings.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<a name="095"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="095.jpg (48K)" src="images/095.jpg" height="336" width="471"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>There is something about the desperado-nature that is wholly +unaccountable—at least it looks unaccountable. It is this. The +true desperado is gifted with splendid courage, and yet he will +take the most infamous advantage of his enemy; armed and free, he +will stand up before a host and fight until he is shot all to +pieces, and yet when he is under the gallows and helpless he will +cry and plead like a child. Words are cheap, and it is easy to +call Slade a coward (all executed men who do not "die game" are +promptly called cowards by unreflecting people), and when we read +of Slade that he "had so exhausted himself by tears, prayers and +lamentations, that he had scarcely strength left to stand under +the fatal beam," the disgraceful word suggests itself in a +moment—yet in frequently defying and inviting the vengeance of +banded Rocky Mountain cut-throats by shooting down their comrades +and leaders, and never offering to hide or fly, Slade showed that +he was a man of peerless bravery. No coward would dare that. Many +a notorious coward, many a chicken-livered poltroon, coarse, +brutal, degraded, has made his dying speech without a quaver in +his voice and been swung into eternity with what looked liked the +calmest fortitude, and so we are justified in believing, from the +low intellect of such a creature, that it was not moral courage +that enabled him to do it. Then, if moral courage is not the +requisite quality, what could it have been that this +stout-hearted Slade lacked?—this bloody, desperate, +kindly-mannered, urbane gentleman, who never hesitated to warn +his most ruffianly enemies that he would kill them whenever or +wherever he came across them next! I think it is a conundrum +worth investigating.</p> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch12"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XII.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>Just beyond the breakfast-station we overtook a Mormon +emigrant train of thirty-three wagons; and tramping wearily along +and driving their herd of loose cows, were dozens of coarse-clad +and sad-looking men, women and children, who had walked as they +were walking now, day after day for eight lingering weeks, and in +that time had compassed the distance our stage had come in eight +days and three hours—seven hundred and ninety- eight miles! They +were dusty and uncombed, hatless, bonnetless and ragged, and they +did look so tired!</p> + +<p>After breakfast, we bathed in Horse Creek, a (previously) +limpid, sparkling stream—an appreciated luxury, for it was very +seldom that our furious coach halted long enough for an +indulgence of that kind. We changed horses ten or twelve times in +every twenty-four hours—changed mules, rather—six mules—and +did it nearly every time in four minutes. It was lively work. As +our coach rattled up to each station six harnessed mules stepped +gayly from the stable; and in the twinkling of an eye, almost, +the old team was out, and the new one in and we off and away +again.</p> + +<p>During the afternoon we passed Sweetwater Creek, Independence +Rock, Devil's Gate and the Devil's Gap. The latter were wild +specimens of rugged scenery, and full of interest—we were in the +heart of the Rocky Mountains, now. And we also passed by "Alkali" +or "Soda Lake," and we woke up to the fact that our journey had +stretched a long way across the world when the driver said that +the Mormons often came there from Great Salt Lake City to haul +away saleratus. He said that a few days gone by they had shoveled +up enough pure saleratus from the ground (it was a dry lake) to +load two wagons, and that when they got these two wagons-loads of +a drug that cost them nothing, to Salt Lake, they could sell it +for twenty-five cents a pound.</p> + +<p>In the night we sailed by a most notable curiosity, and one we +had been hearing a good deal about for a day or two, and were +suffering to see. This was what might be called a natural +ice-house. It was August, now, and sweltering weather in the +daytime, yet at one of the stations the men could scape the soil +on the hill-side under the lee of a range of boulders, and at a +depth of six inches cut out pure blocks of ice—hard, compactly +frozen, and clear as crystal!</p> + +<p>Toward dawn we got under way again, and presently as we sat +with raised curtains enjoying our early-morning smoke and +contemplating the first splendor of the rising sun as it swept +down the long array of mountain peaks, flushing and gilding crag +after crag and summit after summit, as if the invisible Creator +reviewed his gray veterans and they saluted with a smile, we hove +in sight of South Pass City. The hotel-keeper, the postmaster, +the blacksmith, the mayor, the constable, the city marshal and +the principal citizen and property holder, all came out and +greeted us cheerily, and we gave him good day. He gave us a +little Indian news, and a little Rocky Mountain news, and we gave +him some Plains information in return. He then retired to his +lonely grandeur and we climbed on up among the bristling peaks +and the ragged clouds. South Pass City consisted of four log +cabins, one if which was unfinished, and the gentleman with all +those offices and titles was the chiefest of the ten citizens of +the place. Think of hotel-keeper, postmaster, blacksmith, mayor, +constable, city marshal and principal citizen all condensed into +one person and crammed into one skin. Bemis said he was "a +perfect Allen's revolver of dignities." And he said that if he +were to die as postmaster, or as blacksmith, or as postmaster and +blacksmith both, the people might stand it; but if he were to die +all over, it would be a frightful loss to the community.</p> + +<a name="099"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="099.jpg (57K)" src="images/099.jpg" height="459" width="418"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>Two miles beyond South Pass City we saw for the first time +that mysterious marvel which all Western untraveled boys have +heard of and fully believe in, but are sure to be astounded at +when they see it with their own eyes, nevertheless—banks of snow +in dead summer time. We were now far up toward the sky, and knew +all the time that we must presently encounter lofty summits clad +in the "eternal snow" which was so common place a matter of +mention in books, and yet when I did see it glittering in the sun +on stately domes in the distance and knew the month was August +and that my coat was hanging up because it was too warm to wear +it, I was full as much amazed as if I never had heard of snow in +August before. Truly, "seeing is believing"—and many a man lives +a long life through, thinking he believes certain universally +received and well established things, and yet never suspects that +if he were confronted by those things once, he would discover +that he did not really believe them before, but only thought he +believed them.</p> + +<p>In a little while quite a number of peaks swung into view with +long claws of glittering snow clasping them; and with here and +there, in the shade, down the mountain side, a little solitary +patch of snow looking no larger than a lady's pocket-handkerchief +but being in reality as large as a "public square."</p> + +<p>And now, at last, we were fairly in the renowned SOUTH PASS, +and whirling gayly along high above the common world. We were +perched upon the extreme summit of the great range of the Rocky +Mountains, toward which we had been climbing, patiently climbing, +ceaselessly climbing, for days and nights together—and about us +was gathered a convention of Nature's kings that stood ten, +twelve, and even thirteen thousand feet high—grand old fellows +who would have to stoop to see Mount Washington, in the twilight. +We were in such an airy elevation above the creeping populations +of the earth, that now and then when the obstructing crags stood +out of the way it seemed that we could look around and abroad and +contemplate the whole great globe, with its dissolving views of +mountains, seas and continents stretching away through the +mystery of the summer haze.</p> + +<a name="100"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="100.jpg (164K)" src="images/100.jpg" height="411" width="650"> +</center> +<br> +<a href="images/100.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Full Size" src="images/enlarge.jpg"></a> +<br><br> + +<p>As a general thing the Pass was more suggestive of a valley +than a suspension bridge in the clouds—but it strongly suggested +the latter at one spot. At that place the upper third of one or +two majestic purple domes projected above our level on either +hand and gave us a sense of a hidden great deep of mountains and +plains and valleys down about their bases which we fancied we +might see if we could step to the edge and look over. These +Sultans of the fastnesses were turbaned with tumbled volumes of +cloud, which shredded away from time to time and drifted off +fringed and torn, trailing their continents of shadow after them; +and catching presently on an intercepting peak, wrapped it about +and brooded there—then shredded away again and left the purple +peak, as they had left the purple domes, downy and white with +new-laid snow. In passing, these monstrous rags of cloud hung low +and swept along right over the spectator's head, swinging their +tatters so nearly in his face that his impulse was to shrink when +they came closet. In the one place I speak of, one could look +below him upon a world of diminishing crags and canyons leading +down, down, and away to a vague plain with a thread in it which +was a road, and bunches of feathers in it which were trees,—a +pretty picture sleeping in the sunlight—but with a darkness +stealing over it and glooming its features deeper and deeper +under the frown of a coming storm; and then, while no film or +shadow marred the noon brightness of his high perch, he could +watch the tempest break forth down there and see the lightnings +leap from crag to crag and the sheeted rain drive along the +canyon-sides, and hear the thunders peal and crash and roar. We +had this spectacle; a familiar one to many, but to us a +novelty.</p> + +<a name="101"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="101.jpg (164K)" src="images/101.jpg" height="1015" width="611"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>We bowled along cheerily, and presently, at the very summit +(though it had been all summit to us, and all equally level, for +half an hour or more), we came to a spring which spent its water +through two outlets and sent it in opposite directions. The +conductor said that one of those streams which we were looking +at, was just starting on a journey westward to the Gulf of +California and the Pacific Ocean, through hundreds and even +thousands of miles of desert solitudes. He said that the other +was just leaving its home among the snow-peaks on a similar +journey eastward—and we knew that long after we should have +forgotten the simple rivulet it would still be plodding its +patient way down the mountain sides, and canyon-beds, and between +the banks of the Yellowstone; and by and by would join the broad +Missouri and flow through unknown plains and deserts and +unvisited wildernesses; and add a long and troubled pilgrimage +among snags and wrecks and sandbars; and enter the Mississippi, +touch the wharves of St. Louis and still drift on, traversing +shoals and rocky channels, then endless chains of bottomless and +ample bends, walled with unbroken forests, then mysterious byways +and secret passages among woody islands, then the chained bends +again, bordered with wide levels of shining sugar-cane in place +of the sombre forests; then by New Orleans and still other chains +of bends—and finally, after two long months of daily and nightly +harassment, excitement, enjoyment, adventure, and awful peril of +parched throats, pumps and evaporation, pass the Gulf and enter +into its rest upon the bosom of the tropic sea, never to look +upon its snow-peaks again or regret them.</p> + +<p>I freighted a leaf with a mental message for the friends at +home, and dropped it in the stream. But I put no stamp on it and +it was held for postage somewhere.</p> + +<p>On the summit we overtook an emigrant train of many wagons, +many tired men and women, and many a disgusted sheep and cow.</p> + +<p>In the wofully dusty horseman in charge of the expedition I +recognized John ——. Of all persons in the world to meet on top +of the Rocky Mountains thousands of miles from home, he was the +last one I should have looked for. We were school-boys together +and warm friends for years. But a boyish prank of mine had +disruptured this friendship and it had never been renewed. The +act of which I speak was this. I had been accustomed to visit +occasionally an editor whose room was in the third story of a +building and overlooked the street. One day this editor gave me a +watermelon which I made preparations to devour on the spot, but +chancing to look out of the window, I saw John standing directly +under it and an irresistible desire came upon me to drop the +melon on his head, which I immediately did. I was the loser, for +it spoiled the melon, and John never forgave me and we dropped +all intercourse and parted, but now met again under these +circumstances.</p> + +<a name="102"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="102.jpg (41K)" src="images/102.jpg" height="473" width="307"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>We recognized each other simultaneously, and hands were +grasped as warmly as if no coldness had ever existed between us, +and no allusion was made to any. All animosities were buried and +the simple fact of meeting a familiar face in that isolated spot +so far from home, was sufficient to make us forget all things but +pleasant ones, and we parted again with sincere "good-bye" and +"God bless you" from both.</p> + +<p>We had been climbing up the long shoulders of the Rocky +Mountains for many tedious hours—we started down them, now. And +we went spinning away at a round rate too.</p> + +<p>We left the snowy Wind River Mountains and Uinta Mountains +behind, and sped away, always through splendid scenery but +occasionally through long ranks of white skeletons of mules and +oxen—monuments of the huge emigration of other days—and here +and there were up-ended boards or small piles of stones which the +driver said marked the resting-place of more precious +remains.</p> + +<p>It was the loneliest land for a grave! A land given over to +the cayote and the raven—which is but another name for +desolation and utter solitude. On damp, murky nights, these +scattered skeletons gave forth a soft, hideous glow, like very +faint spots of moonlight starring the vague desert. It was +because of the phosphorus in the bones. But no scientific +explanation could keep a body from shivering when he drifted by +one of those ghostly lights and knew that a skull held it.</p> + +<a name="103"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="103.jpg (35K)" src="images/103.jpg" height="309" width="419"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>At midnight it began to rain, and I never saw anything like +it—indeed, I did not even see this, for it was too dark. We +fastened down the curtains and even caulked them with clothing, +but the rain streamed in in twenty places, nothwithstanding. +There was no escape. If one moved his feet out of a stream, he +brought his body under one; and if he moved his body he caught +one somewhere else. If he struggled out of the drenched blankets +and sat up, he was bound to get one down the back of his neck. +Meantime the stage was wandering about a plain with gaping +gullies in it, for the driver could not see an inch before his +face nor keep the road, and the storm pelted so pitilessly that +there was no keeping the horses still. With the first abatement +the conductor turned out with lanterns to look for the road, and +the first dash he made was into a chasm about fourteen feet deep, +his lantern following like a meteor. As soon as he touched bottom +he sang out frantically:</p> + +<a name="104"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="104.jpg (30K)" src="images/104.jpg" height="328" width="316"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>"Don't come here!"</p> + +<p>To which the driver, who was looking over the precipice where +he had disappeared, replied, with an injured air: "Think I'm a +dam fool?"</p> + +<a name="105"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="105.jpg (30K)" src="images/105.jpg" height="334" width="316"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The conductor was more than an hour finding the road—a matter +which showed us how far we had wandered and what chances we had +been taking. He traced our wheel-tracks to the imminent verge of +danger, in two places. I have always been glad that we were not +killed that night. I do not know any particular reason, but I +have always been glad. In the morning, the tenth day out, we +crossed Green River, a fine, large, limpid stream—stuck in it +with the water just up to the top of our mail- bed, and waited +till extra teams were put on to haul us up the steep bank. But it +was nice cool water, and besides it could not find any fresh +place on us to wet.</p> + +<p>At the Green River station we had breakfast—hot biscuits, +fresh antelope steaks, and coffee—the only decent meal we tasted +between the United States and Great Salt Lake City, and the only +one we were ever really thankful for.</p> + +<p>Think of the monotonous execrableness of the thirty that went +before it, to leave this one simple breakfast looming up in my +memory like a shot- tower after all these years have gone by!</p> + +<p>At five P.M. we reached Fort Bridger, one hundred and +seventeen miles from the South Pass, and one thousand and +twenty-five miles from St. Joseph. Fifty-two miles further on, +near the head of Echo Canyon, we met sixty United States soldiers +from Camp Floyd. The day before, they had fired upon three +hundred or four hundred Indians, whom they supposed gathered +together for no good purpose. In the fight that had ensued, four +Indians were captured, and the main body chased four miles, but +nobody killed. This looked like business. We had a notion to get +out and join the sixty soldiers, but upon reflecting that there +were four hundred of the Indians, we concluded to go on and join +the Indians.</p> + +<p>Echo Canyon is twenty miles long. It was like a long, smooth, +narrow street, with a gradual descending grade, and shut in by +enormous perpendicular walls of coarse conglomerate, four hundred +feet high in many places, and turreted like mediaeval castles. +This was the most faultless piece of road in the mountains, and +the driver said he would "let his team out." He did, and if the +Pacific express trains whiz through there now any faster than we +did then in the stage-coach, I envy the passengers the +exhilaration of it. We fairly seemed to pick up our wheels and +fly—and the mail matter was lifted up free from everything and +held in solution! I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say +a thing I mean it.</p> + +<p>However, time presses. At four in the afternoon we arrived on +the summit of Big Mountain, fifteen miles from Salt Lake City, +when all the world was glorified with the setting sun, and the +most stupendous panorama of mountain peaks yet encountered burst +on our sight. We looked out upon this sublime spectacle from +under the arch of a brilliant rainbow! Even the overland +stage-driver stopped his horses and gazed!</p> + +<p>Half an hour or an hour later, we changed horses, and took +supper with a Mormon "Destroying Angel."</p> + +<p>"Destroying Angels," as I understand it, are Latter-Day Saints +who are set apart by the Church to conduct permanent +disappearances of obnoxious citizens. I had heard a deal about +these Mormon Destroying Angels and the dark and bloody deeds they +had done, and when I entered this one's house I had my shudder +all ready. But alas for all our romances, he was nothing but a +loud, profane, offensive, old blackguard! He was murderous +enough, possibly, to fill the bill of a Destroyer, but would you +have any kind of an Angel devoid of dignity? Could you abide an +Angel in an unclean shirt and no suspenders? Could you respect an +Angel with a horse-laugh and a swagger like a buccaneer?</p> + +<a name="106"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="106.jpg (47K)" src="images/106.jpg" height="488" width="313"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>There were other blackguards present—comrades of this one. +And there was one person that looked like a gentleman—Heber C. +Kimball's son, tall and well made, and thirty years old, perhaps. +A lot of slatternly women flitted hither and thither in a hurry, +with coffee-pots, plates of bread, and other appurtenances to +supper, and these were said to be the wives of the Angel—or some +of them, at least. And of course they were; for if they had been +hired "help" they would not have let an angel from above storm +and swear at them as he did, let alone one from the place this +one hailed from.</p> + +<p>This was our first experience of the western "peculiar +institution," and it was not very prepossessing. We did not tarry +long to observe it, but hurried on to the home of the Latter-Day +Saints, the stronghold of the prophets, the capital of the only +absolute monarch in America—Great Salt Lake City. As the night +closed in we took sanctuary in the Salt Lake House and unpacked +our baggage.</p> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch13"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>We had a fine supper, of the freshest meats and fowls and +vegetables—a great variety and as great abundance. We walked +about the streets some, afterward, and glanced in at shops and +stores; and there was fascination in surreptitiously staring at +every creature we took to be a Mormon. This was fairy-land to us, +to all intents and purposes—a land of enchantment, and goblins, +and awful mystery. We felt a curiosity to ask every child how +many mothers it had, and if it could tell them apart; and we +experienced a thrill every time a dwelling-house door opened and +shut as we passed, disclosing a glimpse of human heads and backs +and shoulders—for we so longed to have a good satisfying look at +a Mormon family in all its comprehensive ampleness, disposed in +the customary concentric rings of its home circle.</p> + +<p>By and by the Acting Governor of the Territory introduced us +to other "Gentiles," and we spent a sociable hour with them. +"Gentiles" are people who are not Mormons. Our fellow-passenger, +Bemis, took care of himself, during this part of the evening, and +did not make an overpowering success of it, either, for he came +into our room in the hotel about eleven o'clock, full of +cheerfulness, and talking loosely, disjointedly and +indiscriminately, and every now and then tugging out a ragged +word by the roots that had more hiccups than syllables in it. +This, together with his hanging his coat on the floor on one side +of a chair, and his vest on the floor on the other side, and +piling his pants on the floor just in front of the same chair, +and then comtemplating the general result with superstitious awe, +and finally pronouncing it "too many for him" and going to bed +with his boots on, led us to fear that something he had eaten had +not agreed with him.</p> + +<p>But we knew afterward that it was something he had been +drinking. It was the exclusively Mormon refresher, "valley +tan."</p> + +<p>Valley tan (or, at least, one form of valley tan) is a kind of +whisky, or first cousin to it; is of Mormon invention and +manufactured only in Utah. Tradition says it is made of +(imported) fire and brimstone. If I remember rightly no public +drinking saloons were allowed in the kingdom by Brigham Young, +and no private drinking permitted among the faithful, except they +confined themselves to "valley tan."</p> + +<a name="109"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="109.jpg (55K)" src="images/109.jpg" height="462" width="361"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>Next day we strolled about everywhere through the broad, +straight, level streets, and enjoyed the pleasant strangeness of +a city of fifteen thousand inhabitants with no loafers +perceptible in it; and no visible drunkards or noisy people; a +limpid stream rippling and dancing through every street in place +of a filthy gutter; block after block of trim dwellings, built of +"frame" and sunburned brick—a great thriving orchard and garden +behind every one of them, apparently—branches from the street +stream winding and sparkling among the garden beds and fruit +trees—and a grand general air of neatness, repair, thrift and +comfort, around and about and over the whole. And everywhere were +workshops, factories, and all manner of industries; and intent +faces and busy hands were to be seen wherever one looked; and in +one's ears was the ceaseless clink of hammers, the buzz of trade +and the contented hum of drums and fly-wheels.</p> + +<a name="110a"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="110a.jpg (25K)" src="images/110a.jpg" height="348" width="310"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The armorial crest of my own State consisted of two dissolute +bears holding up the head of a dead and gone cask between them +and making the pertinent remark, "UNITED, WE +STAND—(hic!)—DIVIDED, WE FALL." It was always too figurative +for the author of this book. But the Mormon crest was easy. And +it was simple, unostentatious, and fitted like a glove. It was a +representation of a GOLDEN BEEHIVE, with the bees all at +work!</p> + +<a name="110b"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="110b.jpg (23K)" src="images/110b.jpg" height="335" width="291"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The city lies in the edge of a level plain as broad as the +State of Connecticut, and crouches close down to the ground under +a curving wall of mighty mountains whose heads are hidden in the +clouds, and whose shoulders bear relics of the snows of winter +all the summer long.</p> + +<p>Seen from one of these dizzy heights, twelve or fifteen miles +off, Great Salt Lake City is toned down and diminished till it is +suggestive of a child's toy-village reposing under the majestic +protection of the Chinese wall.</p> + +<p>On some of those mountains, to the southwest, it had been +raining every day for two weeks, but not a drop had fallen in the +city. And on hot days in late spring and early autumn the +citizens could quit fanning and growling and go out and cool off +by looking at the luxury of a glorious snow-storm going on in the +mountains. They could enjoy it at a distance, at those seasons, +every day, though no snow would fall in their streets, or +anywhere near them.</p> + +<a name="111"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="111.jpg (83K)" src="images/111.jpg" height="621" width="498"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>Salt Lake City was healthy—an extremely healthy city. They +declared there was only one physician in the place and he +was arrested every week regularly and held to answer under the +vagrant act for having "no visible means of support." They always +give you a good substantial article of truth in Salt Lake, and +good measure and good weight, too. [Very often, if you wished to +weigh one of their airiest little commonplace statements you +would want the hay scales.]</p> + +<p>We desired to visit the famous inland sea, the American "Dead +Sea," the great Salt Lake—seventeen miles, horseback, from the +city—for we had dreamed about it, and thought about it, and +talked about it, and yearned to see it, all the first part of our +trip; but now when it was only arm's length away it had suddenly +lost nearly every bit of its interest. And so we put it off, in a +sort of general way, till next day—and that was the last we ever +thought of it. We dined with some hospitable Gentiles; and +visited the foundation of the prodigious temple; and talked long +with that shrewd Connecticut Yankee, Heber C. Kimball (since +deceased), a saint of high degree and a mighty man of +commerce.</p> + +<a name="112"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="112.jpg (21K)" src="images/112.jpg" height="297" width="277"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>We saw the "Tithing-House," and the "Lion House," and I do not +know or remember how many more church and government buildings of +various kinds and curious names. We flitted hither and thither +and enjoyed every hour, and picked up a great deal of useful +information and entertaining nonsense, and went to bed at night +satisfied.</p> + +<p>The second day, we made the acquaintance of Mr. Street (since +deceased) and put on white shirts and went and paid a state visit +to the king. He seemed a quiet, kindly, easy-mannered, dignified, +self-possessed old gentleman of fifty-five or sixty, and had a +gentle craft in his eye that probably belonged there. He was very +simply dressed and was just taking off a straw hat as we entered. +He talked about Utah, and the Indians, and Nevada, and general +American matters and questions, with our secretary and certain +government officials who came with us. But he never paid any +attention to me, notwithstanding I made several attempts to "draw +him out" on federal politics and his high handed attitude toward +Congress. I thought some of the things I said were rather fine. +But he merely looked around at me, at distant intervals, +something as I have seen a benignant old cat look around to see +which kitten was meddling with her tail.</p> + +<p>By and by I subsided into an indignant silence, and so sat +until the end, hot and flushed, and execrating him in my heart +for an ignorant savage. But he was calm. His conversation with +those gentlemen flowed on as sweetly and peacefully and musically +as any summer brook. When the audience was ended and we were +retiring from the presence, he put his hand on my head, beamed +down on me in an admiring way and said to my brother:</p> + +<p>"Ah—your child, I presume? Boy, or girl?"</p> + +<a name="113"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="113.jpg (49K)" src="images/113.jpg" height="462" width="430"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch14"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>Mr. Street was very busy with his telegraphic matters—and +considering that he had eight or nine hundred miles of rugged, +snowy, uninhabited mountains, and waterless, treeless, melancholy +deserts to traverse with his wire, it was natural and needful +that he should be as busy as possible. He could not go +comfortably along and cut his poles by the road-side, either, but +they had to be hauled by ox teams across those exhausting +deserts—and it was two days' journey from water to water, in one +or two of them. Mr. Street's contract was a vast work, every way +one looked at it; and yet to comprehend what the vague words +"eight hundred miles of rugged mountains and dismal deserts" +mean, one must go over the ground in person—pen and ink +descriptions cannot convey the dreary reality to the reader. And +after all, Mr. S.'s mightiest difficulty turned out to be one +which he had never taken into the account at all. Unto Mormons he +had sub-let the hardest and heaviest half of his great +undertaking, and all of a sudden they concluded that they were +going to make little or nothing, and so they tranquilly threw +their poles overboard in mountain or desert, just as it happened +when they took the notion, and drove home and went about their +customary business! They were under written contract to Mr. +Street, but they did not care anything for that. They said they +would "admire" to see a "Gentile" force a Mormon to fulfil a +losing contract in Utah! And they made themselves very merry over +the matter. Street said—for it was he that told us these +things:</p> + +<p>"I was in dismay. I was under heavy bonds to complete my +contract in a given time, and this disaster looked very much like +ruin. It was an astounding thing; it was such a wholly +unlooked-for difficulty, that I was entirely nonplussed. I am a +business man—have always been a business man—do not know +anything but business—and so you can imagine how like being +struck by lightning it was to find myself in a country where +written contracts were worthless!—that main security, that +sheet- anchor, that absolute necessity, of business. My +confidence left me. There was no use in making new +contracts—that was plain. I talked with first one prominent +citizen and then another. They all sympathized with me, first +rate, but they did not know how to help me. But at last a Gentile +said, 'Go to Brigham Young!—these small fry cannot do you any +good.' I did not think much of the idea, for if the law could not +help me, what could an individual do who had not even anything to +do with either making the laws or executing them? He might be a +very good patriarch of a church and preacher in its tabernacle, +but something sterner than religion and moral suasion was needed +to handle a hundred refractory, half-civilized sub-contractors. +But what was a man to do? I thought if Mr. Young could not do +anything else, he might probably be able to give me some advice +and a valuable hint or two, and so I went straight to him and +laid the whole case before him. He said very little, but he +showed strong interest all the way through. He examined all the +papers in detail, and whenever there seemed anything like a +hitch, either in the papers or my statement, he would go back and +take up the thread and follow it patiently out to an intelligent +and satisfactory result. Then he made a list of the contractors' +names. Finally he said:</p> + +<p>"'Mr. Street, this is all perfectly plain. These contracts are +strictly and legally drawn, and are duly signed and certified. +These men manifestly entered into them with their eyes open. I +see no fault or flaw anywhere.'</p> + +<p>"Then Mr. Young turned to a man waiting at the other end of +the room and said: 'Take this list of names to So-and-so, and +tell him to have these men here at such-and-such an hour.'</p> + +<p>"They were there, to the minute. So was I. Mr. Young asked +them a number of questions, and their answers made my statement +good. Then he said to them:</p> + +<p>"'You signed these contracts and assumed these obligations of +your own free will and accord?'</p> + +<p>"'Yes.'</p> + +<p>"'Then carry them out to the letter, if it makes paupers of +you! Go!'</p> + +<a name="116"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="116.jpg (101K)" src="images/116.jpg" height="525" width="613"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>"And they did go, too! They are strung across the deserts now, +working like bees. And I never hear a word out of them.</p> + +<p>"There is a batch of governors, and judges, and other +officials here, shipped from Washington, and they maintain the +semblance of a republican form of government—but the petrified +truth is that Utah is an absolute monarchy and Brigham Young is +king!"</p> + +<p>Mr. Street was a fine man, and I believe his story. I knew him +well during several years afterward in San Francisco.</p> + +<p>Our stay in Salt Lake City amounted to only two days, and +therefore we had no time to make the customary inquisition into +the workings of polygamy and get up the usual statistics and +deductions preparatory to calling the attention of the nation at +large once more to the matter.</p> + +<a name="117"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="117.jpg (104K)" src="images/117.jpg" height="583" width="562"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>I had the will to do it. With the gushing self-sufficiency of +youth I was feverish to plunge in headlong and achieve a great +reform here—until I saw the Mormon women. Then I was touched. My +heart was wiser than my head. It warmed toward these poor, +ungainly and pathetically "homely" creatures, and as I turned to +hide the generous moisture in my eyes, I said, "No—the man that +marries one of them has done an act of Christian charity which +entitles him to the kindly applause of mankind, not their harsh +censure—and the man that marries sixty of them has done a deed +of open-handed generosity so sublime that the nations should +stand uncovered in his presence and worship in silence."</p> + +<p>[For a brief sketch of Mormon history, and the noted Mountain +Meadow massacre, see Appendices A and B. ]</p> + +<a name="118"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="118.jpg (82K)" src="images/118.jpg" height="637" width="481"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch15"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XV.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>It is a luscious country for thrilling evening stories about +assassinations of intractable Gentiles. I cannot easily conceive +of anything more cosy than the night in Salt Lake which we spent +in a Gentile den, smoking pipes and listening to tales of how +Burton galloped in among the pleading and defenceless "Morisites" +and shot them down, men and women, like so many dogs. And how +Bill Hickman, a Destroying Angel, shot Drown and Arnold dead for +bringing suit against him for a debt. And how Porter Rockwell did +this and that dreadful thing. And how heedless people often come +to Utah and make remarks about Brigham, or polygamy, or some +other sacred matter, and the very next morning at daylight such +parties are sure to be found lying up some back alley, +contentedly waiting for the hearse.</p> + +<p>And the next most interesting thing is to sit and listen to +these Gentiles talk about polygamy; and how some portly old frog +of an elder, or a bishop, marries a girl—likes her, marries her +sister—likes her, marries another sister—likes her, takes +another—likes her, marries her mother—likes her, marries her +father, grandfather, great grandfather, and then comes back +hungry and asks for more. And how the pert young thing of eleven +will chance to be the favorite wife and her own venerable +grandmother have to rank away down toward D 4 in their mutual +husband's esteem, and have to sleep in the kitchen, as like as +not. And how this dreadful sort of thing, this hiving together in +one foul nest of mother and daughters, and the making a young +daughter superior to her own mother in rank and authority, are +things which Mormon women submit to because their religion +teaches them that the more wives a man has on earth, and the more +children he rears, the higher the place they will all have in the +world to come—and the warmer, maybe, though they do not seem to +say anything about that.</p> + +<a name="120"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="120.jpg (96K)" src="images/120.jpg" height="537" width="583"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>According to these Gentile friends of ours, Brigham Young's +harem contains twenty or thirty wives. They said that some of +them had grown old and gone out of active service, but were +comfortably housed and cared for in the henery—or the Lion +House, as it is strangely named. Along with each wife were her +children—fifty altogether. The house was perfectly quiet and +orderly, when the children were still. They all took their meals +in one room, and a happy and home-like sight it was pronounced to +be. None of our party got an opportunity to take dinner with Mr. +Young, but a Gentile by the name of Johnson professed to have +enjoyed a sociable breakfast in the Lion House. He gave a +preposterous account of the "calling of the roll," and other +preliminaries, and the carnage that ensued when the buckwheat +cakes came in. But he embellished rather too much. He said that +Mr. Young told him several smart sayings of certain of his +"two-year-olds," observing with some pride that for many years he +had been the heaviest contributor in that line to one of the +Eastern magazines; and then he wanted to show Mr. Johnson one of +the pets that had said the last good thing, but he could not find +the child.</p> + +<p>He searched the faces of the children in detail, but could not +decide which one it was. Finally he gave it up with a sigh and +said:</p> + +<a name="121"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="121.jpg (86K)" src="images/121.jpg" height="503" width="574"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>"I thought I would know the little cub again but I don't." Mr. +Johnson said further, that Mr. Young observed that life was a +sad, sad thing—"because the joy of every new marriage a man +contracted was so apt to be blighted by the inopportune funeral +of a less recent bride." And Mr. Johnson said that while he and +Mr. Young were pleasantly conversing in private, one of the Mrs. +Youngs came in and demanded a breast-pin, remarking that she had +found out that he had been giving a breast-pin to No. 6, and she, +for one, did not propose to let this partiality go on without +making a satisfactory amount of trouble about it. Mr. Young +reminded her that there was a stranger present. Mrs. Young said +that if the state of things inside the house was not agreeable to +the stranger, he could find room outside. Mr. Young promised the +breast-pin, and she went away. But in a minute or two another +Mrs. Young came in and demanded a breast-pin. Mr. Young began a +remonstrance, but Mrs. Young cut him short. She said No. 6 had +got one, and No. 11 was promised one, and it was "no use for him +to try to impose on her—she hoped she knew her rights." He gave +his promise, and she went. And presently three Mrs. Youngs +entered in a body and opened on their husband a tempest of tears, +abuse, and entreaty. They had heard all about No. 6, No. 11, and +No. 14. Three more breast-pins were promised. They were hardly +gone when nine more Mrs. Youngs filed into the presence, and a +new tempest burst forth and raged round about the prophet and his +guest. Nine breast-pins were promised, and the weird sisters +filed out again. And in came eleven more, weeping and wailing and +gnashing their teeth. Eleven promised breast-pins purchased peace +once more.</p> + +<p>"That is a specimen," said Mr. Young. "You see how it is. You +see what a life I lead. A man can't be wise all the time. In a +heedless moment I gave my darling No. 6—excuse my calling her +thus, as her other name has escaped me for the moment—a +breast-pin. It was only worth twenty-five dollars—that is, +apparently that was its whole cost—but its ultimate cost was +inevitably bound to be a good deal more. You yourself have seen +it climb up to six hundred and fifty dollars—and alas, even that +is not the end! For I have wives all over this Territory of Utah. +I have dozens of wives whose numbers, even, I do not know without +looking in the family Bible. They are scattered far and wide +among the mountains and valleys of my realm. And mark you, every +solitary one of them will hear of this wretched breast pin, and +every last one of them will have one or die. No. 6's breast pin +will cost me twenty-five hundred dollars before I see the end of +it. And these creatures will compare these pins together, and if +one is a shade finer than the rest, they will all be thrown on my +hands, and I will have to order a new lot to keep peace in the +family. Sir, you probably did not know it, but all the time you +were present with my children your every movement was watched by +vigilant servitors of mine. If you had offered to give a child a +dime, or a stick of candy, or any trifle of the kind, you would +have been snatched out of the house instantly, provided it could +be done before your gift left your hand. Otherwise it would be +absolutely necessary for you to make an exactly similar gift to +all my children—and knowing by experience the importance of the +thing, I would have stood by and seen to it myself that you did +it, and did it thoroughly. Once a gentleman gave one of my +children a tin whistle—a veritable invention of Satan, sir, and +one which I have an unspeakable horror of, and so would you if +you had eighty or ninety children in your house. But the deed was +done—the man escaped. I knew what the result was going to be, +and I thirsted for vengeance. I ordered out a flock of Destroying +Angels, and they hunted the man far into the fastnesses of the +Nevada mountains. But they never caught him. I am not cruel, +sir—I am not vindictive except when sorely outraged—but if I +had caught him, sir, so help me Joseph Smith, I would have locked +him into the nursery till the brats whistled him to death. By the +slaughtered body of St. Parley Pratt (whom God assail!) there was +never anything on this earth like it! I knew who gave the whistle +to the child, but I could, not make those jealous mothers believe +me. They believed I did it, and the result was just what any man +of reflection could have foreseen: I had to order a hundred and +ten whistles—I think we had a hundred and ten children in the +house then, but some of them are off at college now—I had to +order a hundred and ten of those shrieking things, and I wish I +may never speak another word if we didn't have to talk on our +fingers entirely, from that time forth until the children got +tired of the whistles. And if ever another man gives a whistle to +a child of mine and I get my hands on him, I will hang him higher +than Haman! That is the word with the bark on it! Shade of Nephi! +You don't know anything about married life. I am rich, and +everybody knows it. I am benevolent, and everybody takes +advantage of it. I have a strong fatherly instinct and all the +foundlings are foisted on me.</p> + +<p>"Every time a woman wants to do well by her darling, she +puzzles her brain to cipher out some scheme for getting it into +my hands. Why, sir, a woman came here once with a child of a +curious lifeless sort of complexion (and so had the woman), and +swore that the child was mine and she my wife—that I had married +her at such-and-such a time in such-and- such a place, but she +had forgotten her number, and of course I could not remember her +name. Well, sir, she called my attention to the fact that the +child looked like me, and really it did seem to resemble me—a +common thing in the Territory—and, to cut the story short, I put +it in my nursery, and she left. +</p> + +<a name="124"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="124.jpg (68K)" src="images/124.jpg" height="495" width="474"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>And by the ghost of Orson Hyde, +when they came to wash the paint off that child it was an Injun! +Bless my soul, you don't know anything about married life. It is +a perfect dog's life, sir—a perfect dog's life. You can't +economize. It isn't possible. I have tried keeping one set of +bridal attire for all occasions. But it is of no use. First +you'll marry a combination of calico and consumption that's as +thin as a rail, and next you'll get a creature that's nothing +more than the dropsy in disguise, and then you've got to eke out +that bridal dress with an old balloon. That is the way it goes. +And think of the wash-bill—(excuse these tears)—nine hundred +and eighty-four pieces a week! No, sir, there is no such a thing +as economy in a family like mine. Why, just the one item of +cradles—think of it! And vermifuge! Soothing syrup! Teething +rings! And 'papa's watches' for the babies to play with! And +things to scratch the furniture with! And lucifer matches for +them to eat, and pieces of glass to cut themselves with! The item +of glass alone would support your family, I venture to say, sir. +Let me scrimp and squeeze all I can, I still can't get ahead as +fast as I feel I ought to, with my opportunities. Bless you, sir, +at a time when I had seventy-two wives in this house, I groaned +under the pressure of keeping thousands of dollars tied up in +seventy-two bedsteads when the money ought to have been out at +interest; and I just sold out the whole stock, sir, at a +sacrifice, and built a bedstead seven feet long and ninety-six +feet wide. +</p> + +<a name="126"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="126.jpg (99K)" src="images/126.jpg" height="249" width="650"> +</center> +<br><a href="images/126.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Full Size" src="images/enlarge.jpg"></a> +<br><br> + +<p> +But it was a failure, sir. I could not sleep. It +appeared to me that the whole seventy-two women snored at once. +The roar was deafening. And then the danger of it! That was what +I was looking at. They would all draw in their breath at once, +and you could actually see the walls of the house suck in—and +then they would all exhale their breath at once, and you could +see the walls swell out, and strain, and hear the rafters crack, +and the shingles grind together. My friend, take an old man's +advice, and don't encumber yourself with a large family—mind, I +tell you, don't do it. In a small family, and in a small family +only, you will find that comfort and that peace of mind which are +the best at last of the blessings this world is able to afford +us, and for the lack of which no accumulation of wealth, and no +acquisition of fame, power, and greatness can ever compensate us. +Take my word for it, ten or eleven wives is all you need—never +go over it."</p> + +<p>Some instinct or other made me set this Johnson down as being +unreliable. And yet he was a very entertaining person, and I +doubt if some of the information he gave us could have been +acquired from any other source. He was a pleasant contrast to +those reticent Mormons.</p> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch16"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the +"elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. +I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to +me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so +sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in +print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a +miracle—keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate. If he, +according to tradition, merely translated it from certain ancient +and mysteriously-engraved plates of copper, which he declares he +found under a stone, in an out-of-the-way locality, the work of +translating was equally a miracle, for the same reason.</p> + +<p>The book seems to be merely a prosy detail of imaginary +history, with the Old Testament for a model; followed by a +tedious plagiarism of the New Testament. The author labored to +give his words and phrases the quaint, old-fashioned sound and +structure of our King James's translation of the Scriptures; and +the result is a mongrel—half modern glibness, and half ancient +simplicity and gravity. The latter is awkward and constrained; +the former natural, but grotesque by the contrast. Whenever he +found his speech growing too modern—which was about every +sentence or two—he ladled in a few such Scriptural phrases as +"exceeding sore," "and it came to pass," etc., and made things +satisfactory again. "And it came to pass" was his pet. If he had +left that out, his Bible would have been only a pamphlet.</p> + +<p>The title-page reads as follows:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>THE BOOK OF MORMON: AN ACCOUNT WRITTEN BY THE HAND OF MORMON, +UPON PLATES TAKEN FROM THE PLATES OF NEPHI.</p> + +<p>Wherefore it is an abridgment of the record of the people of +Nephi, and also of the Lamanites; written to the Lamanites, who +are a remnant of the House of Israel; and also to Jew and +Gentile; written by way of commandment, and also by the spirit of +prophecy and of revelation. Written and sealed up, and hid up +unto the Lord, that they might not be destroyed; to come forth by +the gift and power of God unto the interpretation thereof; sealed +by the hand of Moroni, and hid up unto the Lord, to come forth in +due time by the way of Gentile; the interpretation thereof by the +gift of God. An abridgment taken from the Book of Ether also; +which is a record of the people of Jared; who were scattered at +the time the Lord confounded the language of the people when they +were building a tower to get to Heaven.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>"Hid up" is good. And so is "wherefore"—though why +"wherefore"? Any other word would have answered as +well—though—in truth it would not have sounded so +Scriptural.</p> + +<p>Next comes:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>THE TESTIMONY OF THREE WITNESSES. Be it known unto all +nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto whom this work shall +come, that we, through the grace of God the Father, and our Lord +Jesus Christ, have seen the plates which contain this record, +which is a record of the people of Nephi, and also of the +Lamanites, their brethren, and also of the people of Jared, who +came from the tower of which hath been spoken; and we also know +that they have been translated by the gift and power of God, for +His voice hath declared it unto us; wherefore we know of a surety +that the work is true. And we also testify that we have seen the +engravings which are upon the plates; and they have been shown +unto us by the power of God, and not of man. And we declare with +words of soberness, that an angel of God came down from heaven, +and he brought and laid before our eyes, that we beheld and saw +the plates, and the engravings thereon; and we know that it is by +the grace of God the Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ, that we +beheld and bear record that these things are true; and it is +marvellous in our eyes; nevertheless the voice of the Lord +commanded us that we should bear record of it; wherefore, to be +obedient unto the commandments of God, we bear testimony of these +things. And we know that if we are faithful in Christ, we shall +rid our garments of the blood of all men, and be found spotless +before the judgment-seat of Christ, and shall dwell with Him +eternally in the heavens. And the honor be to the Father, and to +the Son, and to the Holy Ghost, which is one God. Amen. OLIVER +COWDERY, DAVID WHITMER, MARTIN HARRIS.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>Some people have to have a world of evidence before they can +come anywhere in the neighborhood of believing anything; but for +me, when a man tells me that he has "seen the engravings which +are upon the plates," and not only that, but an angel was there +at the time, and saw him see them, and probably took his receipt +for it, I am very far on the road to conviction, no matter +whether I ever heard of that man before or not, and even if I do +not know the name of the angel, or his nationality either.</p> + +<p>Next is this:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>AND ALSO THE TESTIMONY OF EIGHT WITNESSES. Be it known unto +all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto whom this work +shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jr., the translator of this work, +has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, which +have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves as the +said Smith has translated, we did handle with our hands; and we +also saw the engravings thereon, all of which has the appearance +of ancient work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear +record with words of soberness, that the said Smith has shown +unto us, for we have seen and hefted, and know of a surety that +the said Smith has got the plates of which we have spoken. And we +give our names unto the world, to witness unto the world that +which we have seen; and we lie not, God bearing witness of it. +CHRISTIAN WHITMER, JACOB WHITMER, PETER WHITMER, JR., JOHN +WHITMER, HIRAM PAGE, JOSEPH SMITH, SR., HYRUM SMITH, SAMUEL H. +SMITH.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>And when I am far on the road to conviction, and eight men, be +they grammatical or otherwise, come forward and tell me that they +have seen the plates too; and not only seen those plates but +"hefted" them, I am convinced. I could not feel more satisfied +and at rest if the entire Whitmer family had testified.</p> + +<p>The Mormon Bible consists of fifteen "books"—being the books +of Jacob, Enos, Jarom, Omni, Mosiah, Zeniff, Alma, Helaman, +Ether, Moroni, two "books" of Mormon, and three of Nephi.</p> + +<p>In the first book of Nephi is a plagiarism of the Old +Testament, which gives an account of the exodus from Jerusalem of +the "children of Lehi"; and it goes on to tell of their +wanderings in the wilderness, during eight years, and their +supernatural protection by one of their number, a party by the +name of Nephi. They finally reached the land of "Bountiful," and +camped by the sea. After they had remained there "for the space +of many days"—which is more Scriptural than definite—Nephi was +commanded from on high to build a ship wherein to "carry the +people across the waters." He travestied Noah's ark—but he +obeyed orders in the matter of the plan. He finished the ship in +a single day, while his brethren stood by and made fun of it—and +of him, too—"saying, our brother is a fool, for he thinketh that +he can build a ship." They did not wait for the timbers to dry, +but the whole tribe or nation sailed the next day. Then a bit of +genuine nature cropped out, and is revealed by outspoken Nephi +with Scriptural frankness—they all got on a spree! They, "and +also their wives, began to make themselves merry, insomuch that +they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much +rudeness; yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness."</p> + +<p>Nephi tried to stop these scandalous proceedings; but they +tied him neck and heels, and went on with their lark. But observe +how Nephi the prophet circumvented them by the aid of the +invisible powers:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>And it came to pass that after they had bound me, insomuch +that I could not move, the compass, which had been prepared of +the Lord, did cease to work; wherefore, they knew not whither +they should steer the ship, insomuch that there arose a great +storm, yea, a great and terrible tempest, and we were driven back +upon the waters for the space of three days; and they began to be +frightened exceedingly, lest they should be drowned in the sea; +nevertheless they did not loose me. And on the fourth day, which +we had been driven back, the tempest began to be exceeding sore. +And it came to pass that we were about to be swallowed up in the +depths of the sea.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>Then they untied him.</p> + +<a name="131"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="131.jpg (77K)" src="images/131.jpg" height="533" width="451"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took +the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to +pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed, the +winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great +calm.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>Equipped with their compass, these ancients appear to have had +the advantage of Noah.</p> + +<p>Their voyage was toward a "promised land"—the only name they +give it. They reached it in safety.</p> + +<p>Polygamy is a recent feature in the Mormon religion, and was +added by Brigham Young after Joseph Smith's death. Before that, +it was regarded as an "abomination." This verse from the Mormon +Bible occurs in Chapter II. of the book of Jacob:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>For behold, thus saith the Lord, this people begin to wax in +iniquity; they understand not the Scriptures; for they seek to +excuse themselves in committing whoredoms, because of the things +which were written concerning David, and Solomon his son. Behold, +David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which +thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord; wherefore, thus +saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of +Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto +me a righteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph. +Wherefore, I the Lord God, will no suffer that this people shall +do like unto them of old.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>However, the project failed—or at least the modern Mormon end +of it—for Brigham "suffers" it. This verse is from the same +chapter:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate, because of +their filthiness and the cursings which hath come upon their +skins, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten +the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our fathers, +that they should have, save it were one wife; and concubines they +should have none.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>The following verse (from Chapter IX. of the Book of Nephi) +appears to contain information not familiar to everybody:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>And now it came to pass that when Jesus had ascended into +heaven, the multitude did disperse, and every man did take his +wife and his children, and did return to his own home.</p> + +<p>And it came to pass that on the morrow, when the multitude was +gathered together, behold, Nephi and his brother whom he had +raised from the dead, whose name was Timothy, and also his son, +whose name was Jonas, and also Mathoni, and Mathonihah, his +brother, and Kumen, and Kumenenhi, and Jeremiah, and Shemnon, and +Jonas, and Zedekiah, and Isaiah; now these were the names of the +disciples whom Jesus had chosen.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>In order that the reader may observe how much more grandeur +and picturesqueness (as seen by these Mormon twelve) accompanied +on of the tenderest episodes in the life of our Saviour than +other eyes seem to have been aware of, I quote the following from +the same "book"—Nephi:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>And it came to pass that Jesus spake unto them, and bade them +arise. And they arose from the earth, and He said unto them, +Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, My joy is +full. And when He had said these words, He wept, and the +multitude bear record of it, and He took their little children, +one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for +them. And when He had done this He wept again, and He spake unto +the multitude, and saith unto them, Behold your little ones. And +as they looked to behold, they cast their eyes toward heaven, and +they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of +heaven as it were, in the midst of fire; and they came down and +encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about +with fire; and the angels did minister unto them, and the +multitude did see and hear and bear record; and they know that +their record is true, for they all of them did see and hear, +every man for himself; and they were in number about two thousand +and five hundred souls; and they did consist of men, women, and +children.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>And what else would they be likely to consist of?</p> + +<p>The Book of Ether is an incomprehensible medley of if +"history," much of it relating to battles and sieges among +peoples whom the reader has possibly never heard of; and who +inhabited a country which is not set down in the geography. These +was a King with the remarkable name of Coriantumr,^^ and he +warred with Shared, and Lib, and Shiz, and others, in the "plains +of Heshlon"; and the "valley of Gilgal"; and the "wilderness of +Akish"; and the "land of Moran"; and the "plains of Agosh"; and +"Ogath," and "Ramah," and the "land of Corihor," and the "hill +Comnor," by "the waters of Ripliancum," etc., etc., etc. "And it +came to pass," after a deal of fighting, that Coriantumr, upon +making calculation of his losses, found that "there had been +slain two millions of mighty men, and also their wives and their +children"—say 5,000,000 or 6,000,000 in all—"and he began to +sorrow in his heart." Unquestionably it was time. So he wrote to +Shiz, asking a cessation of hostilities, and offering to give up +his kingdom to save his people. Shiz declined, except upon +condition that Coriantumr would come and let him cut his head off +first—a thing which Coriantumr would not do. Then there was more +fighting for a season; then four years were devoted to gathering +the forces for a final struggle—after which ensued a battle, +which, I take it, is the most remarkable set forth in +history,—except, perhaps, that of the Kilkenny cats, which it +resembles in some respects. This is the account of the gathering +and the battle:</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>7. And it came to pass that they did gather together all the +people, upon all the face of the land, who had not been slain, +save it was Ether. And it came to pass that Ether did behold all +the doings of the people; and he beheld that the people who were +for Coriantumr, were gathered together to the army of Coriantumr; +and the people who were for Shiz, were gathered together to the +army of Shiz; wherefore they were for the space of four years +gathering together the people, that they might get all who were +upon the face of the land, and that they might receive all the +strength which it was possible that they could receive. And it +came to pass that when they were all gathered together, every one +to the army which he would, with their wives and their children; +both men, women, and children being armed with weapons of war, +having shields, and breast-plates, and head-plates, and being +clothed after the manner of war, they did march forth one against +another, to battle; and they fought all that day, and conquered +not. And it came to pass that when it was night they were weary, +and retired to their camps; and after they had retired to their +camps, they took up a howling and a lamentation for the loss of +the slain of their people; and so great were their cries, their +howlings and lamentations, that it did rend the air exceedingly. +And it came to pass that on the morrow they did go again to +battle, and great and terrible was that day; nevertheless they +conquered not, and when the night came again, they did rend the +air with their cries, and their howlings, and their mournings, +for the loss of the slain of their people.</p> + +<p>8. And it came to pass that Coriantumr wrote again an epistle +unto Shiz, desiring that he would not come again to battle, but +that he would take the kingdom, and spare the lives of the +people. But behold, the Spirit of the Lord had ceased striving +with them, and Satan had full power over the hearts of the +people, for they were given up unto the hardness of their hearts, +and the blindness of their minds that they might be destroyed; +wherefore they went again to battle. And it came to pass that +they fought all that day, and when the night came they slept upon +their swords; and on the morrow they fought even until the night +came; and when the night came they were drunken with anger, even +as a man who is drunken with wine; and they slept again upon +their swords; and on the morrow they fought again; and when the +night came they had all fallen by the sword save it were fifty +and two of the people of Coriantumr, and sixty and nine of the +people of Shiz. And it came to pass that they slept upon their +swords that night, and on the morrow they fought again, and they +contended in their mights with their swords, and with their +shields, all that day; and when the night came there were thirty +and two of the people of Shiz, and twenty and seven of the people +of Coriantumr.</p> + +<p>9. And it came to pass that they ate and slept, and prepared +for death on the morrow. And they were large and mighty men, as +to the strength of men. And it came to pass that they fought for +the space of three hours, and they fainted with the loss of +blood. And it came to pass that when the men of Coriantumr had +received sufficient strength, that they could walk, they were +about to flee for their lives, but behold, Shiz arose, and also +his men, and he swore in his wrath that he would slay Coriantumr, +or he would perish by the sword: wherefore he did pursue them, +and on the morrow he did overtake them; and they fought again +with the sword. And it came to pass that when they had all fallen +by the sword, save it were Coriantumr and Shiz, behold Shiz had +fainted with loss of blood. And it came to pass that when +Coriantumr had leaned upon his sword, that he rested a little, he +smote off the head of Shiz. And it came to pass that after he had +smote off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised upon his hands and +fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died. And it +came to pass that Coriantumr fell to the earth, and became as if +he had no life. And the Lord spake unto Ether, and said unto him, +go forth. And he went forth, and beheld that the words of the +Lord had all been fulfilled; and he finished his record; and the +hundredth part I have not written.</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>It seems a pity he did not finish, for after all his dreary +former chapters of commonplace, he stopped just as he was in +danger of becoming interesting.</p> + +<p>The Mormon Bible is rather stupid and tiresome to read, but +there is nothing vicious in its teachings. Its code of morals is +unobjectionable- -it is "smouched" [Milton] from the New +Testament and no credit given.</p> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch17"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>At the end of our two days' sojourn, we left Great Salt Lake +City hearty and well fed and happy—physically superb but not so +very much wiser, as regards the "Mormon question," than we were +when we arrived, perhaps. We had a deal more "information" than +we had before, of course, but we did not know what portion of it +was reliable and what was not—for it all came from acquaintances +of a day—strangers, strictly speaking. We were told, for +instance, that the dreadful "Mountain Meadows Massacre" was the +work of the Indians entirely, and that the Gentiles had meanly +tried to fasten it upon the Mormons; we were told, likewise, that +the Indians were to blame, partly, and partly the Mormons; and we +were told, likewise, and just as positively, that the Mormons +were almost if not wholly and completely responsible for that +most treacherous and pitiless butchery. We got the story in all +these different shapes, but it was not till several years +afterward that Mrs. Waite's book, "The Mormon Prophet," came out +with Judge Cradlebaugh's trial of the accused parties in it and +revealed the truth that the latter version was the correct one +and that the Mormons were the assassins. All our "information" +had three sides to it, and so I gave up the idea that I could +settle the "Mormon question" in two days. Still I have seen +newspaper correspondents do it in one.</p> + +<a name="137"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="137.jpg (62K)" src="images/137.jpg" height="443" width="501"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>I left Great Salt Lake a good deal confused as to what state +of things existed there—and sometimes even questioning in my own +mind whether a state of things existed there at all or not. But +presently I remembered with a lightening sense of relief that we +had learned two or three trivial things there which we could be +certain of; and so the two days were not wholly lost. For +instance, we had learned that we were at last in a pioneer land, +in absolute and tangible reality.</p> + +<p>The high prices charged for trifles were eloquent of high +freights and bewildering distances of freightage. In the east, in +those days, the smallest moneyed denomination was a penny and it +represented the smallest purchasable quantity of any commodity. +West of Cincinnati the smallest coin in use was the silver +five-cent piece and no smaller quantity of an article could be +bought than "five cents' worth." In Overland City the lowest coin +appeared to be the ten-cent piece; but in Salt Lake there did not +seem to be any money in circulation smaller than a quarter, or +any smaller quantity purchasable of any commodity than +twenty-five cents' worth. We had always been used to half dimes +and "five cents' worth" as the minimum of financial negotiations; +but in Salt Lake if one wanted a cigar, it was a quarter; if he +wanted a chalk pipe, it was a quarter; if he wanted a peach, or a +candle, or a newspaper, or a shave, or a little Gentile whiskey +to rub on his corns to arrest indigestion and keep him from +having the toothache, twenty-five cents was the price, every +time. When we looked at the shot-bag of silver, now and then, we +seemed to be wasting our substance in riotous living, but if we +referred to the expense account we could see that we had not been +doing anything of the kind.</p> + +<a name="138"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="138.jpg (21K)" src="images/138.jpg" height="220" width="595"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>But people easily get reconciled to big money and big prices, +and fond and vain of both—it is a descent to little coins and +cheap prices that is hardest to bear and slowest to take hold +upon one's toleration. After a month's acquaintance with the +twenty-five cent minimum, the average human being is ready to +blush every time he thinks of his despicable five-cent days. How +sunburnt with blushes I used to get in gaudy Nevada, every time I +thought of my first financial experience in Salt Lake. It was on +this wise (which is a favorite expression of great authors, and a +very neat one, too, but I never hear anybody say on this wise +when they are talking). A young half-breed with a complexion like +a yellow-jacket asked me if I would have my boots blacked. It was +at the Salt Lake House the morning after we arrived. I said yes, +and he blacked them. Then I handed him a silver five-cent piece, +with the benevolent air of a person who is conferring wealth and +blessedness upon poverty and suffering. The yellow-jacket took it +with what I judged to be suppressed emotion, and laid it +reverently down in the middle of his broad hand. Then he began to +contemplate it, much as a philosopher contemplates a gnat's ear +in the ample field of his microscope. Several mountaineers, +teamsters, stage- drivers, etc., drew near and dropped into the +tableau and fell to surveying the money with that attractive +indifference to formality which is noticeable in the hardy +pioneer. Presently the yellow-jacket handed the half dime back to +me and told me I ought to keep my money in my pocket-book instead +of in my soul, and then I wouldn't get it cramped and shriveled +up so!</p> + +<a name="139"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="139.jpg (61K)" src="images/139.jpg" height="464" width="392"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>What a roar of vulgar laughter there was! I destroyed the +mongrel reptile on the spot, but I smiled and smiled all the time +I was detaching his scalp, for the remark he made was good for an +"Injun."</p> + +<p>Yes, we had learned in Salt Lake to be charged great prices +without letting the inward shudder appear on the surface—for +even already we had overheard and noted the tenor of +conversations among drivers, conductors, and hostlers, and +finally among citizens of Salt Lake, until we were well aware +that these superior beings despised "emigrants." We permitted no +tell-tale shudders and winces in our countenances, for we wanted +to seem pioneers, or Mormons, half-breeds, teamsters, +stage-drivers, Mountain Meadow assassins—anything in the world +that the plains and Utah respected and admired—but we were +wretchedly ashamed of being "emigrants," and sorry enough that we +had white shirts and could not swear in the presence of ladies +without looking the other way.</p> + +<p>And many a time in Nevada, afterwards, we had occasion to +remember with humiliation that we were "emigrants," and +consequently a low and inferior sort of creatures. Perhaps the +reader has visited Utah, Nevada, or California, even in these +latter days, and while communing with himself upon the sorrowful +banishment of these countries from what he considers "the world," +has had his wings clipped by finding that he is the one to be +pitied, and that there are entire populations around him ready +and willing to do it for him—yea, who are complacently doing it +for him already, wherever he steps his foot.</p> + +<p>Poor thing, they are making fun of his hat; and the cut of his +New York coat; and his conscientiousness about his grammar; and +his feeble profanity; and his consumingly ludicrous ignorance of +ores, shafts, tunnels, and other things which he never saw +before, and never felt enough interest in to read about. And all +the time that he is thinking what a sad fate it is to be exiled +to that far country, that lonely land, the citizens around him +are looking down on him with a blighting compassion because he is +an "emigrant" instead of that proudest and blessedest creature +that exists on all the earth, a "FORTY-NINER."</p> + +<a name="140"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="140.jpg (30K)" src="images/140.jpg" height="376" width="313"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The accustomed coach life began again, now, and by midnight it +almost seemed as if we never had been out of our snuggery among +the mail sacks at all. We had made one alteration, however. We +had provided enough bread, boiled ham and hard boiled eggs to +last double the six hundred miles of staging we had still to +do.</p> + +<p>And it was comfort in those succeeding days to sit up and +contemplate the majestic panorama of mountains and valleys spread +out below us and eat ham and hard boiled eggs while our spiritual +natures revelled alternately in rainbows, thunderstorms, and +peerless sunsets. Nothing helps scenery like ham and eggs. Ham +and eggs, and after these a pipe—an old, rank, delicious +pipe—ham and eggs and scenery, a "down grade," a flying coach, a +fragrant pipe and a contented heart—these make happiness. It is +what all the ages have struggled for.</p> + +<a name="141"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="141.jpg (29K)" src="images/141.jpg" height="288" width="359"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch18"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>At eight in the morning we reached the remnant and ruin of +what had been the important military station of "Camp Floyd," +some forty-five or fifty miles from Salt Lake City. At four P.M. +we had doubled our distance and were ninety or a hundred miles +from Salt Lake. And now we entered upon one of that species of +deserts whose concentrated hideousness shames the diffused and +diluted horrors of Sahara—an "alkali" desert. For sixty- eight +miles there was but one break in it. I do not remember that this +was really a break; indeed it seems to me that it was nothing but +a watering depot in the midst of the stretch of sixty-eight +miles. If my memory serves me, there was no well or spring at +this place, but the water was hauled there by mule and ox teams +from the further side of the desert. There was a stage station +there. It was forty-five miles from the beginning of the desert, +and twenty-three from the end of it.</p> + +<p>We plowed and dragged and groped along, the whole live-long +night, and at the end of this uncomfortable twelve hours we +finished the forty-five- mile part of the desert and got to the +stage station where the imported water was. The sun was just +rising. It was easy enough to cross a desert in the night while +we were asleep; and it was pleasant to reflect, in the morning, +that we in actual person had encountered an absolute desert and +could always speak knowingly of deserts in presence of the +ignorant thenceforward. And it was pleasant also to reflect that +this was not an obscure, back country desert, but a very +celebrated one, the metropolis itself, as you may say. All this +was very well and very comfortable and satisfactory—but now we +were to cross a desert in daylight. This was +fine—novel—romantic—dramatically adventurous—this, indeed, +was worth living for, worth traveling for! We would write home +all about it.</p> + +<p>This enthusiasm, this stern thirst for adventure, wilted under +the sultry August sun and did not last above one hour. One poor +little hour—and then we were ashamed that we had "gushed" so. +The poetry was all in the anticipation—there is none in the +reality. Imagine a vast, waveless ocean stricken dead and turned +to ashes; imagine this solemn waste tufted with ash-dusted +sage-bushes; imagine the lifeless silence and solitude that +belong to such a place; imagine a coach, creeping like a bug +through the midst of this shoreless level, and sending up tumbled +volumes of dust as if it were a bug that went by steam; imagine +this aching monotony of toiling and plowing kept up hour after +hour, and the shore still as far away as ever, apparently; +imagine team, driver, coach and passengers so deeply coated with +ashes that they are all one colorless color; imagine ash-drifts +roosting above moustaches and eyebrows like snow accumulations on +boughs and bushes. This is the reality of it.</p> + +<p>The sun beats down with dead, blistering, relentless +malignity; the perspiration is welling from every pore in man and +beast, but scarcely a sign of it finds its way to the surface—it +is absorbed before it gets there; there is not the faintest +breath of air stirring; there is not a merciful shred of cloud in +all the brilliant firmament; there is not a living creature +visible in any direction whither one searches the blank level +that stretches its monotonous miles on every hand; there is not a +sound—not a sigh—not a whisper—not a buzz, or a whir of wings, +or distant pipe of bird—not even a sob from the lost souls that +doubtless people that dead air. And so the occasional sneezing of +the resting mules, and the champing of the bits, grate harshly on +the grim stillness, not dissipating the spell but accenting it +and making one feel more lonesome and forsaken than before.</p> + +<p>The mules, under violent swearing, coaxing and whip-cracking, +would make at stated intervals a "spurt," and drag the coach a +hundred or may be two hundred yards, stirring up a billowy cloud +of dust that rolled back, enveloping the vehicle to the +wheel-tops or higher, and making it seem afloat in a fog. Then a +rest followed, with the usual sneezing and bit- champing. Then +another "spurt" of a hundred yards and another rest at the end of +it. All day long we kept this up, without water for the mules and +without ever changing the team. At least we kept it up ten hours, +which, I take it, is a day, and a pretty honest one, in an alkali +desert. It was from four in the morning till two in the +afternoon. And it was so hot! and so close! and our water +canteens went dry in the middle of the day and we got so thirsty! +It was so stupid and tiresome and dull! and the tedious hours did +lag and drag and limp along with such a cruel deliberation! It +was so trying to give one's watch a good long undisturbed spell +and then take it out and find that it had been fooling away the +time and not trying to get ahead any! The alkali dust cut through +our lips, it persecuted our eyes, it ate through the delicate +membranes and made our noses bleed and kept them bleeding—and +truly and seriously the romance all faded far away and +disappeared, and left the desert trip nothing but a harsh +reality—a thirsty, sweltering, longing, hateful reality!</p> + +<p>Two miles and a quarter an hour for ten hours—that was what +we accomplished. It was hard to bring the comprehension away down +to such a snail-pace as that, when we had been used to making +eight and ten miles an hour. When we reached the station on the +farther verge of the desert, we were glad, for the first time, +that the dictionary was along, because we never could have found +language to tell how glad we were, in any sort of dictionary but +an unabridged one with pictures in it. But there could not have +been found in a whole library of dictionaries language sufficient +to tell how tired those mules were after their twenty-three mile +pull. To try to give the reader an idea of how thirsty they were, +would be to "gild refined gold or paint the lily."</p> + +<p>Somehow, now that it is there, the quotation does not seem to +fit—but no matter, let it stay, anyhow. I think it is a graceful +and attractive thing, and therefore have tried time and time +again to work it in where it would fit, but could not succeed. +These efforts have kept my mind distracted and ill at ease, and +made my narrative seem broken and disjointed, in places. Under +these circumstances it seems to me best to leave it in, as above, +since this will afford at least a temporary respite from the wear +and tear of trying to "lead up" to this really apt and beautiful +quotation.</p> + +<a name="145"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="145.jpg (32K)" src="images/145.jpg" height="271" width="427"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch19"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>On the morning of the sixteenth day out from St. Joseph we +arrived at the entrance of Rocky Canyon, two hundred and fifty +miles from Salt Lake. It was along in this wild country +somewhere, and far from any habitation of white men, except the +stage stations, that we came across the wretchedest type of +mankind I have ever seen, up to this writing. I refer to the +Goshoot Indians. From what we could see and all we could learn, +they are very considerably inferior to even the despised Digger +Indians of California; inferior to all races of savages on our +continent; inferior to even the Terra del Fuegans; inferior to +the Hottentots, and actually inferior in some respects to the +Kytches of Africa. Indeed, I have been obliged to look the bulky +volumes of Wood's "Uncivilized Races of Men" clear through in +order to find a savage tribe degraded enough to take rank with +the Goshoots. I find but one people fairly open to that shameful +verdict. It is the Bosjesmans (Bushmen) of South Africa. Such of +the Goshoots as we saw, along the road and hanging about the +stations, were small, lean, "scrawny" creatures; in complexion a +dull black like the ordinary American negro; their faces and +hands bearing dirt which they had been hoarding and accumulating +for months, years, and even generations, according to the age of +the proprietor; a silent, sneaking, treacherous looking race; +taking note of everything, covertly, like all the other "Noble +Red Men" that we (do not) read about, and betraying no sign in +their countenances; indolent, everlastingly patient and tireless, +like all other Indians; prideless beggars—for if the beggar +instinct were left out of an Indian he would not "go," any more +than a clock without a pendulum; hungry, always hungry, and yet +never refusing anything that a hog would eat, though often eating +what a hog would decline; hunters, but having no higher ambition +than to kill and eat jack-ass rabbits, crickets and grasshoppers, +and embezzle carrion from the buzzards and cayotes; savages who, +when asked if they have the common Indian belief in a Great +Spirit show a something which almost amounts to emotion, thinking +whiskey is referred to; a thin, scattering race of almost naked +black children, these Goshoots are, who produce nothing at all, +and have no villages, and no gatherings together into strictly +defined tribal communities—a people whose only shelter is a rag +cast on a bush to keep off a portion of the snow, and yet who +inhabit one of the most rocky, wintry, repulsive wastes that our +country or any other can exhibit.</p> + +<a name="147"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="147.jpg (86K)" src="images/147.jpg" height="444" width="602"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>The Bushmen and our Goshoots are manifestly descended from the +self-same gorilla, or kangaroo, or Norway rat, which-ever +animal—Adam the Darwinians trace them to.</p> + +<p>One would as soon expect the rabbits to fight as the Goshoots, +and yet they used to live off the offal and refuse of the +stations a few months and then come some dark night when no +mischief was expected, and burn down the buildings and kill the +men from ambush as they rushed out. And once, in the night, they +attacked the stage-coach when a District Judge, of Nevada +Territory, was the only passenger, and with their first volley of +arrows (and a bullet or two) they riddled the stage curtains, +wounded a horse or two and mortally wounded the driver. The +latter was full of pluck, and so was his passenger. At the +driver's call Judge Mott swung himself out, clambered to the box +and seized the reins of the team, and away they plunged, through +the racing mob of skeletons and under a hurtling storm of +missiles. The stricken driver had sunk down on the boot as soon +as he was wounded, but had held on to the reins and said he would +manage to keep hold of them until relieved.</p> + +<p>And after they were taken from his relaxing grasp, he lay with +his head between Judge Mott's feet, and tranquilly gave +directions about the road; he said he believed he could live till +the miscreants were outrun and left behind, and that if he +managed that, the main difficulty would be at an end, and then if +the Judge drove so and so (giving directions about bad places in +the road, and general course) he would reach the next station +without trouble. The Judge distanced the enemy and at last +rattled up to the station and knew that the night's perils were +done; but there was no comrade-in-arms for him to rejoice with, +for the soldierly driver was dead.</p> + +<a name="148"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="148.jpg (43K)" src="images/148.jpg" height="438" width="428"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>Let us forget that we have been saying harsh things about the +Overland drivers, now. The disgust which the Goshoots gave me, a +disciple of Cooper and a worshipper of the Red Man—even of the +scholarly savages in the "Last of the Mohicans" who are fittingly +associated with backwoodsmen who divide each sentence into two +equal parts: one part critically grammatical, refined and choice +of language, and the other part just such an attempt to talk like +a hunter or a mountaineer, as a Broadway clerk might make after +eating an edition of Emerson Bennett's works and studying +frontier life at the Bowery Theatre a couple of weeks—I say that +the nausea which the Goshoots gave me, an Indian worshipper, set +me to examining authorities, to see if perchance I had been +over-estimating the Red Man while viewing him through the mellow +moonshine of romance. The revelations that came were +disenchanting. It was curious to see how quickly the paint and +tinsel fell away from him and left him treacherous, filthy and +repulsive—and how quickly the evidences accumulated that +wherever one finds an Indian tribe he has only found Goshoots +more or less modified by circumstances and surroundings—but +Goshoots, after all. They deserve pity, poor creatures; and they +can have mine—at this distance. Nearer by, they never get +anybody's.</p> + +<p>There is an impression abroad that the Baltimore and +Washington Railroad Company and many of its employees are +Goshoots; but it is an error. There is only a plausible +resemblance, which, while it is apt enough to mislead the +ignorant, cannot deceive parties who have contemplated both +tribes. But seriously, it was not only poor wit, but very wrong +to start the report referred to above; for however innocent the +motive may have been, the necessary effect was to injure the +reputation of a class who have a hard enough time of it in the +pitiless deserts of the Rocky Mountains, Heaven knows! If we +cannot find it in our hearts to give those poor naked creatures +our Christian sympathy and compassion, in God's name let us at +least not throw mud at them.</p> + + +<br><br> +<a name="ch20"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h2>CHAPTER XX.</h2> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>On the seventeenth day we passed the highest mountain peaks we +had yet seen, and although the day was very warm the night that +followed upon its heels was wintry cold and blankets were next to +useless.</p> + +<p>On the eighteenth day we encountered the eastward-bound +telegraph- constructors at Reese River station and sent a message +to his Excellency Gov. Nye at Carson City (distant one hundred +and fifty-six miles).</p> + +<p>On the nineteenth day we crossed the Great American +Desert—forty memorable miles of bottomless sand, into which the +coach wheels sunk from six inches to a foot. We worked our +passage most of the way across. That is to say, we got out and +walked. It was a dreary pull and a long and thirsty one, for we +had no water. From one extremity of this desert to the other, the +road was white with the bones of oxen and horses. It would hardly +be an exaggeration to say that we could have walked the forty +miles and set our feet on a bone at every step! The desert was +one prodigious graveyard. And the log-chains, wagon tyres, and +rotting wrecks of vehicles were almost as thick as the bones. I +think we saw log-chains enough rusting there in the desert, to +reach across any State in the Union. Do not these relics suggest +something of an idea of the fearful suffering and privation the +early emigrants to California endured?</p> + +<p>At the border of the Desert lies Carson Lake, or The "Sink" of +the Carson, a shallow, melancholy sheet of water some eighty or a +hundred miles in circumference. Carson River empties into it and +is lost—sinks mysteriously into the earth and never appears in +the light of the sun again—for the lake has no outlet +whatever.</p> + +<p>There are several rivers in Nevada, and they all have this +mysterious fate. They end in various lakes or "sinks," and that +is the last of them. Carson Lake, Humboldt Lake, Walker Lake, +Mono Lake, are all great sheets of water without any visible +outlet. Water is always flowing into them; none is ever seen to +flow out of them, and yet they remain always level full, neither +receding nor overflowing. What they do with their surplus is only +known to the Creator.</p> + +<p>On the western verge of the Desert we halted a moment at +Ragtown. It consisted of one log house and is not set down on the +map.</p> + +<p>This reminds me of a circumstance. Just after we left +Julesburg, on the Platte, I was sitting with the driver, and he +said:</p> + +<p>"I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if you would +like to listen to it. Horace Greeley went over this road once. +When he was leaving Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, +that he had an engagement to lecture at Placerville and was very +anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk cracked his whip and +started off at an awful pace. The coach bounced up and down in +such a terrific way that it jolted the buttons all off of +Horace's coat, and finally shot his head clean through the roof +of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk and begged him to +go easier—said he warn't in as much of a hurry as he was awhile +ago. But Hank Monk said, 'Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get +you there on time'—and you bet you he did, too, what was left of +him!"</p> + +<a name="151"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="151.jpg (54K)" src="images/151.jpg" height="453" width="381"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>A day or two after that we picked up a Denver man at the cross +roads, and he told us a good deal about the country and the +Gregory Diggings. He seemed a very entertaining person and a man +well posted in the affairs of Colorado. By and by he +remarked:</p> + +<p>"I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if you would +like to listen to it. Horace Greeley went over this road once. +When he was leaving Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, +that he had an engagement to lecture at Placerville and was very +anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk cracked his whip and +started off at an awful pace. The coach bounced up and down in +such a terrific way that it jolted the buttons all off of +Horace's coat, and finally shot his head clean through the roof +of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk and begged him to +go easier—said he warn't in as much of a hurry as he was awhile +ago. But Hank Monk said, 'Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get +you there on time!'—and you bet you he did, too, what was left +of him!"</p> + +<p>At Fort Bridger, some days after this, we took on board a +cavalry sergeant, a very proper and soldierly person indeed. From +no other man during the whole journey, did we gather such a store +of concise and well- arranged military information. It was +surprising to find in the desolate wilds of our country a man so +thoroughly acquainted with everything useful to know in his line +of life, and yet of such inferior rank and unpretentious bearing. +For as much as three hours we listened to him with unabated +interest. Finally he got upon the subject of trans- continental +travel, and presently said:</p> + +<p>"I can tell you a very laughable thing indeed, if you would +like to listen to it. Horace Greeley went over this road once. +When he was leaving Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, +that he had an engagement to lecture at Placerville and was very +anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk cracked his whip and +started off at an awful pace. The coach bounced up and down in +such a terrific way that it jolted the buttons all off of +Horace's coat, and finally shot his head clean through the roof +of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk and begged him to +go easier—said he warn't in as much of a hurry as he was awhile +ago. But Hank Monk said, 'Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get +you there on time!'—and you bet you he did, too, what was left +of him!"</p> + +<p>When we were eight hours out from Salt Lake City a Mormon +preacher got in with us at a way station—a gentle, soft-spoken, +kindly man, and one whom any stranger would warm to at first +sight. I can never forget the pathos that was in his voice as he +told, in simple language, the story of his people's wanderings +and unpitied sufferings. No pulpit eloquence was ever so moving +and so beautiful as this outcast's picture of the first Mormon +pilgrimage across the plains, struggling sorrowfully onward to +the land of its banishment and marking its desolate way with +graves and watering it with tears. His words so wrought upon us +that it was a relief to us all when the conversation drifted into +a more cheerful channel and the natural features of the curious +country we were in came under treatment. One matter after another +was pleasantly discussed, and at length the stranger said:</p> + +<p>"I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if you would +like to listen to it. Horace Greeley went over this road once. +When he was leaving Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, +that he had an engagement to lecture in Placerville, and was very +anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk cracked his whip and +started off at an awful pace. The coach bounced up and down in +such a terrific way that it jolted the buttons all off of +Horace's coat, and finally shot his head clean through the roof +of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk and begged him to +go easier—said he warn't in as much of a hurry as he was awhile +ago. But Hank Monk said, 'Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get +you there on time!'—and you bet you bet you he did, too, what +was left of him!"</p> + +<p>Ten miles out of Ragtown we found a poor wanderer who had lain +down to die. He had walked as long as he could, but his limbs had +failed him at last. Hunger and fatigue had conquered him. It +would have been inhuman to leave him there. We paid his fare to +Carson and lifted him into the coach. It was some little time +before he showed any very decided signs of life; but by dint of +chafing him and pouring brandy between his lips we finally +brought him to a languid consciousness. Then we fed him a little, +and by and by he seemed to comprehend the situation and a +grateful light softened his eye. We made his mail-sack bed as +comfortable as possible, and constructed a pillow for him with +our coats. He seemed very thankful. Then he looked up in our +faces, and said in a feeble voice that had a tremble of honest +emotion in it:</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, I know not who you are, but you have saved my +life; and although I can never be able to repay you for it, I +feel that I can at least make one hour of your long journey +lighter. I take it you are strangers to this great thorough fare, +but I am entirely familiar with it. In this connection I can tell +you a most laughable thing indeed, if you would like to listen to +it. Horace Greeley——"</p> + +<a name="154"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="154.jpg (51K)" src="images/154.jpg" height="374" width="434"> +</center> +<br><br> + +<p>I said, impressively:</p> + +<p>"Suffering stranger, proceed at your peril. You see in me the +melancholy wreck of a once stalwart and magnificent manhood. What +has brought me to this? That thing which you are about to tell. +Gradually but surely, that tiresome old anecdote has sapped my +strength, undermined my constitution, withered my life. Pity my +helplessness. Spare me only just this once, and tell me about +young George Washington and his little hatchet for a change."</p> + +<p>We were saved. But not so the invalid. In trying to retain the +anecdote in his system he strained himself and died in our +arms.</p> + +<p>I am aware, now, that I ought not to have asked of the +sturdiest citizen of all that region, what I asked of that mere +shadow of a man; for, after seven years' residence on the Pacific +coast, I know that no passenger or driver on the Overland ever +corked that anecdote in, when a stranger was by, and survived. +Within a period of six years I crossed and recrossed the Sierras +between Nevada and California thirteen times by stage and +listened to that deathless incident four hundred and eighty-one +or eighty-two times. I have the list somewhere. Drivers always +told it, conductors told it, landlords told it, chance passengers +told it, the very Chinamen and vagrant Indians recounted it. I +have had the same driver tell it to me two or three times in the +same afternoon. It has come to me in all the multitude of tongues +that Babel bequeathed to earth, and flavored with whiskey, +brandy, beer, cologne, sozodont, tobacco, garlic, onions, +grasshoppers—everything that has a fragrance to it through all +the long list of things that are gorged or guzzled by the sons of +men. I never have smelt any anecdote as often as I have smelt +that one; never have smelt any anecdote that smelt so variegated +as that one. And you never could learn to know it by its smell, +because every time you thought you had learned the smell of it, +it would turn up with a different smell. Bayard Taylor has +written about this hoary anecdote, Richardson has published it; +so have Jones, Smith, Johnson, Ross Browne, and every other +correspondence-inditing being that ever set his foot upon the +great overland road anywhere between Julesburg and San Francisco; +and I have heard that it is in the Talmud. I have seen it in +print in nine different foreign languages; I have been told that +it is employed in the inquisition in Rome; and I now learn with +regret that it is going to be set to music. I do not think that +such things are right.</p> + +<p>Stage-coaching on the Overland is no more, and stage drivers +are a race defunct. I wonder if they bequeathed that bald-headed +anecdote to their successors, the railroad brakemen and +conductors, and if these latter still persecute the helpless +passenger with it until he concludes, as did many a tourist of +other days, that the real grandeurs of the Pacific coast are not +Yo Semite and the Big Trees, but Hank Monk and his adventure with +Horace Greeley. +</p> + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p> +[And what makes that worn anecdote the more +aggravating, is, that the adventure it celebrates never occurred. +If it were a good anecdote, that seeming demerit would be its +chiefest virtue, for creative power belongs to greatness; but +what ought to be done to a man who would wantonly contrive so +flat a one as this? If I were to suggest what ought to be done to +him, I should be called extravagant—but what does the sixteenth +chapter of Daniel say? Aha!]</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> + + +<a name="156"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="156.jpg (17K)" src="images/156.jpg" height="162" width="442"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Roughing It, Part 2. +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUGHING IT, PART 2. *** + +***** This file should be named 8583-h.htm or 8583-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/8/5/8/8583/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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