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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/8445-8.txt b/8445-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a2dae6 --- /dev/null +++ b/8445-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8009 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Posting Date: September 8, 2014 [EBook #8445] +Release Date: July, 2005 +First Posted: July 11, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + +KNUT HAMSUN + +Translated from the Norwegian +By PAULA WIKING + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + + + + +I + + +I have gone to the forest. + +Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about men's evil +ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must go to it. That is +all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a vagabond. I have money +enough and am overfed, stupefied with success and good fortune, if you +understand that. I have left the world as a sultan leaves rich food and +harems and flowers, and clothes himself in a hair shirt. + +Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean to roam +and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt would have +spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved their praise, and +they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went into the forest. For then +did I comprehend the truth, that my speech must needs be dishonest or +foolish.... But I said nothing of the kind; I simply went to the forest. + + * * * * * + +You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The snowflakes drift +down just as they do in the city, and the birds and beasts scurry about +from morning till night, and from night till morning. I could send solemn +stories from this place, but I do not. I have sought the forest for +solitude and for the sake of my great irons; for I have great irons which +lie within me and grow red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose +I were to meet a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself: + +"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!" + +But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a comforting +lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast. + +You say nothing happens here? + +One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they behaved as +people do. "_Boris!_" they said to each other and smiled. But +immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow and were gone from +my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, I thought, "You'd better +see to them; they may be smothered in the snow." But then they got up and +went their separate ways. + +In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting as that. + + * * * * * + +Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must crawl on +my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago and used it, for +lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in hiding, a man who concealed +himself here for a few autumn days. There are two of us in the hut, that +is if you regard Madame as a person; otherwise there is only one. Madame +is a mouse I live with, to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats +everything I put aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she +sits watching me. + +When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which Madame by all +means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh pine twigs, as is +fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary crockery. And I have a +sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool inside. I keep a fire burning in +the fireplace all night, and my shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh +resin in the morning. When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with +clean snow, and hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water. + +Is this a life worth living? + +There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not understand. +Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished it with vanities, +with pictures and books; but you have a wife and a servant and a hundred +expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep pace with the world and are never +at peace. I have peace. You are welcome to your intellectual pastimes and +books and art and newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky +that only makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask +me intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, for +example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly men are mere +specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser than I. But if you +should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, then I know quite as much +in this matter, too, and reply thus: Eternity is merely unborn time, +nothing but unborn time. + +My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my pocket and +reflect the sun on your face, my friend. + +You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are weary, +exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as you go out into +the street; the morning has dawned too early on your blinking eyes. I rise +at five quite refreshed. It is still dark outdoors, yet there is enough to +look at--the moon, the stars, the clouds, and the weather portents for the +day. I prophesy the weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds +whistle? Is the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and +long? These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more. + +Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, the stars +fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow flies over the +woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut or she will be +devoured. + +But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great rocks +take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from another +world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn up looks like a +witch petrified in the act of performing strange rites. + +Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a solitary +reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it high in a tree +to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the tracks of the reindeer +into the forest. It has jogged along without haste, but toward a definite +goal--straight east to meet the day. By the banks of the Skiel, which is +so rapid that its waters never freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, +to scrape the hillside for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on. + +And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are short; at +two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep twilight, with the good, +still night approaching. Then I begin to cook. I have a great deal of meat +stored in three pure-white drifts of snow. In fact I have something even +better: eight fat cheeses of reindeer milk, to eat with butter and +crisp-bread. + +While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I fall +asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, the food is +cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and resin. Madame darts back +and forth across the floor and at length gets her share. I eat, and light +my cutty-pipe. + +The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no unpleasantness. +In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only adult, roaming man; +this makes me bigger and more important, God's kin. And I believe the +red-hot irons within me are progressing well, for God does great things +for his kin. + +I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by the +river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the trees it has +nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, leaving their marks; +there an osier bed has forced it to turn aside; but just beyond, it has +straightened its path and continued east once more. All this I think of. + +And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with another +newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age insurance? + + + + +II + + +On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my time. Perhaps +I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling him I am well, and +hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot post the letters, and they +grow older every day. Not that it matters. I have tied the letters to a +string that hangs from the ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them. + + +One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; his +clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a laboring man. He +carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in it. + +"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the woods." + +"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His manner was +at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the sack without +humility. + +"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a man." + +"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving soon?" + +"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn. + +Then he looked at me. + +"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. "But I don't +intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I leave." + +I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my speech. + +But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his assurance. +Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him than he knew about +me. + +When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said: + +"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your floor." + +Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing his sack +with him, crawled in. + +"I could give you some coffee," I said. + +"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his face and +panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all night." + +"Are you crossing the fjeld?" + +"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a winter day on +the other side, either." + +I gave him coffee. + +"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A round of +crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me." + +"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help yourself." + +"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the man as he +ate. + +"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. "I'll pay +you for it." + +"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid that's +impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's work in +Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't." + +"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now there +without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a few +coppers." + +I felt his sack and said: + +"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?" + +"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the sack +closer to him. + +"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, jesting again. + +"I don't care what you are," he muttered. + +The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to the +woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. He was a +very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my fire, with +dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; probably he had +stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that he was quick in much +small knowledge that life had taught him. He complained that his heels +felt cold, and took off his boots. And no wonder he felt cold, for where +the heels of his stockings should have been there were only great holes. +He borrowed a knife to cut away the ragged edges, and then drew on the +stockings again back to front, so that the torn soles came over his +instep. When he had put on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice +and warm." + +He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their hooks to +inspect them, he put them back again where he had found them. When he +examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the addresses, he did not let +them go carelessly, leaving them to swing back and forth, but held the +string so that it hung motionless. I had no reason to complain about him. + +He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he said: + +"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?" + +He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move Madame's straw +to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay on our twigs, burning +resin and talking. + +He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though to +postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he went to +the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, turning his head +back, he asked: + +"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?" + +"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it looks like +snow; the smoke is blowing down." + +It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had better leave +that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay there, I stretched, +so that my hand accidentally touched his sack again. + +"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my grasp. "Don't +you touch that sack, or I'll show you!" + +I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention of stealing +anything from him. + +"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you go +thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the man, and +began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three pairs of new +mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag of barley, a side of +bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few large lumps of sugar candy. In +the bottom of the bag was perhaps half a bushel of coffee beans. + +No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception of a heap +of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen elsewhere. + +"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said. + +"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," the man +replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and walking, don't +I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to listen to you!" + +Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each article in +its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco round the bacon, +to protect the cloth from grease stains. + +"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. "I'll +let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way." + +"How much do you want for it?" I asked. + +"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he said to +himself as he spread it out. + +I said to the man: + +"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and the world +and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. Tell me something: +are you afraid your footprints will be visible tomorrow if there's fresh +snow tonight?" + +"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know many paths," +he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few crowns." + +I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and put it back +in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him. + +"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces won't be so +large, and I'll be able to sell it." + +"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I said, "and +cut up the rest for trousers." + +"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right." + +We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's suit, and took +down the string from which the letters hung to measure our own clothes, so +as to be sure to get the measurements right. Then we cut into the edge of +the cloth, and tore it across. In addition to one complete suit, there was +enough left for two good-sized pairs of trousers. + +Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, and I bought +some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the money away in a leather +purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, and the circumstantial and +poverty-stricken fashion in which he put the money away, afterward feeling +the outside of his pocket. + +"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't need any +more than that." + +"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain." + +It was quite decent of him. + +While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine needles +out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little theft. Stealing +because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length of cloth which he was +trying to sell in the forest! Theft has indeed ceased to be a matter of +great moment. This is because legal punishment for misdemeanors of all +kinds has also ceased to be of great moment. It is only a dull, human +punishment; the religious element has been removed from the law, and a +local magistrate is no longer a man of mystic power. + +I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the meaning of the +oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to the bone to hear him. +We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth Book of Moses, and the sin +against the Holy Ghost, and signing your name in the blood of a newly +baptized child! Steal a sack of money and silver treasure, if you like, +and hide the sack in the hills where on autumn evenings a blue flame will +hover over the spot. But don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and +a side of household bacon! + +The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he crawled +out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco I had bought I +put back into the sack, for I did not need them. When he returned, he +said: + +"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if you don't +mind." + +In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to contribute any +of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him some dry bread to eat +with it. + +"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said. + +Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon well down so +that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this he took off his +leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop to carry over one +shoulder. + +"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, I'll find it +easier to carry," he said. + +I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and he stowed +them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket afterward; I also +gave him a special envelope in which to keep the money for the stamps, and +tied it to the neck of the sack. + +"Where do you live?" I asked him. + +"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm sorry to say +I have a wife and children--no use denying it." + +"How many children have you?" + +"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's something wrong +with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. My wife's ill, and a few +days ago she thought she was dying and wanted Communion." + +A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was telling me +a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the village, no +Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with such a large and sick +family. This, no doubt, was his meaning. + +Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse! + +I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a ballad or +a song, since we had nothing else to do. + +"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a hymn." + +"All right; sing a hymn, then." + +"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--" + +His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and went out. + +"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. "This +is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall come within my +walls again." + +I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no more truck +with men. + +"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, Madame, I +undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!" + +Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack. + +"I thought you'd gone," I said. + +"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, and I say +good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. You shouldn't +sneer at me, you know." + +"What have you done with the sack?" + +"I've carried it part of the way." + +His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a burden on +one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies about his poverty, I +said: + +"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, for that +matter?" + +"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a barrel +easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the floor last +Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?" + +We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a moment he had +chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and splendid; I could see his +jaw working. + +"It's nothing," I said. + +Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was gone for +a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he said: + +"It's nothing." + +We lay down for the night. + +"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. I fell +asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during the night +restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with you!" I heard him +mutter as he crawled out of the hut. + +In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a lively +fire of crackling pine in the hut. + +Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow. + + + + +III + + +There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully with +oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe, and to +think idly and slowly as one does it. + +There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm crushing +the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my sleeping bag well in +the snow and get the wool white again. There is nothing in this of +literature or great novels or public opinion; does it matter? But then I +haven't been toiling just to get this coffee into my life. Literature? +When Rome ruled the world, she was no more than Greece's apprentice in +literature. Yet Rome ruled the world. Let us look too at another country +we know: it fought a war of independence the glory of which still shines, +and it brought forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it +had no literature, and has none today.... + +Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the moss and +the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The stump of a fir +tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my familiarity with it grow, and +sometimes I stand there loving it, for there is something in it that moves +my soul. The bark is badly broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree +must have been crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put +myself in its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the mastodons. + +No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there are many +amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a fir. Yet in your +heart, you know that I am superior to you in this as in everything else, +with the single exception that I have not your conventional +accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. About the forest and the +earth you can teach me nothing, for here I feel what no man else has felt. + +Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly this may +happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose myself outside my +very door, like the children of the city. I am twelve miles out, far up +the opposite bank of the Skjel River, before I begin to get lost, and then +only on a sunless day, with perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no +north or south in the sky. Then you must know the special marks of this +kind of tree and that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous +trees, the moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those that +are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the leaves. From all +these things while there is daylight I can find my way. + +But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to get home +till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to myself. And I +roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is a crag standing with +its back to the wind. Here I collect a few armfuls of pine needles, button +my jacket tight, and take a long time to settle. No one who has not tried +it knows anything of the fine pleasure that streams through the soul as +one sits in a snug shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the +time, but the tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I +put some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. The +snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to find a +shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in over me and +form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am quite safe, and may +sleep or wake as I please; there will be no danger of freezing my feet. + + * * * * * + +Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of them called +to me: + +"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?" + +I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question was too +stupid. + +"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I _seen_ a +man go by?" + +So much for him! + +"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you in the +name of the law." + +"Oh." + +I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my hut. + +The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said: + +"Did you _see_ a man pass by here yesterday?" + +"No," I said. + +They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they left the +hut and returned to the village. + +I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of his duties, +how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses for the capture and +transport of the criminal; there will be honor in having carried out the +deed. All mankind should adopt this man because he is its son, created in +its image! Where are the irons? He would rattle the links a little and +lift them on his arm like the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his +terrifying power to put people in irons ... I feel nothing. + +And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They instantly +miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the police. + +From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies still too +near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the frost has gone +out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I have chosen a spot in +the forest which I think I shall like. It is twenty-four miles from the +village and eighteen across the fjeld. + + + + +IV + + +Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some days in +succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying good morning +and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man I imagined beside +me, we carried on a long, intelligent conversation, but if it was a woman, +I was polite: "Let me carry your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the +Lapp's daughter I seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and +offered to carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her +skin; tut, tut. + +Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will not build +that peat hut still further away from them. + +The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in the winter I +suffered privation and learned much in order to master myself. It has +taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it cannot be denied that I am +paying for my education rather dearly. Sometimes I have been needlessly +stern with myself. + +"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it doesn't +interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for twelve hours, it +will mean something to you," I said, and hid the bread away. + +That was in the winter. + +Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great that I could +do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of the forest. But even +in the heart of the forest no man dares speak aloud without looking round; +rather, he walks in silence. For a time you console yourself that it's +typically English to be silent, it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you +find this has gone too far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and +suddenly to shout nonsense. + +"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!" + +Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a quarter of a +mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a slap. If only you had +kept your regal silence! One day the postman who crosses the fjeld once a +month came on me just as I had shouted. + +"What?" he called from the wood. + +"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a trap." + +But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the spring that +causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no longer fear a shout +more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and pans as I cook, and I sing +at the top of my voice. It is spring. + +Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry woods. +They have a different expression now; they have gone gray and bedraggled, +and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and diminished it. There are +catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the underbrush, looking like letters +of the alphabet piled in a heap. The moon rises, the stars break forth. I +am cold and shiver a little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and +prefer to shiver as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so +foolish, but went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is +the spring. + +The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. There is a +great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, teeming worlds, so +tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling bell; as I look at them, I +can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, certainly I am being drawn more and +more toward the grassy slopes of spring. + + + + +V + + +I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my back, and +leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame." + +That was the end. + +I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of sadness--as I +always do on leaving a place that has been my home for some time. But all +the world stands outside calling to me. Indeed I am like all lovers of the +woods and fields; wordlessly we had agreed to meet, and as I sat there +last night, I felt my eyes being drawn to the door. + +Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up from the +chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave back. + +The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue haze over the +forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful piratical coast in the +sky before me. The mountains are all on my left. + +After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I press on +swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" as it swishes; +whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give myself food. + +No, you have not my pleasures in the town. + +I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of living, and +nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my back had no weight, +taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself a little; but an +overexertion to which one is driven by inner content is easy to bear. In +my solitude, many miles from men and houses, I am in a childishly happy +and carefree state of mind, which you are incapable of understanding +unless someone explains it to you. I play a little game with myself, +pretending to have discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay +little attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and gaze. + + +"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--" + +I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod sagely, +saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. And I take out +my notebook and describe it. + +Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. Children have +done it before me. And here comes no postman to surprise me. As suddenly +as I have begun the game, I end it again, as children do. But for a moment +I was transported back to the dear, foolish bliss of childhood. + +Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that made me +playful and happy! + +Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I reach the +Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but kindness, a Lapp +hut contains little that is interesting. There are spoons and knives of +bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin lamp hangs from the roof. The +Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who can neither tell fortunes nor +conjure. His daughter has gone across the field; she has learned to read, +but not to write, at the village school. The two old people, husband and +wife, are fools. The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I +ask them a question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I +am not a Lapp, and so they distrust me. + +All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a while. In +the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a few degrees of +frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and silent above the earth. + +Heigh-ho--what untuned strings! + + But where are the birds all gone away, + and what kind of place is this? + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs, + in this world that is dead, no event occurs; + I stand in a silvermine. + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss + a homely, well-known outline. + + And so he came to a silver wood-- + thus ran an ancient tale. + Here rests a song of shimmering fire + as though it were sung by a starry choir. + And swift in my youth, I leap + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male, + and awaken a maid from her sleep. + + Today I smile at childish tales, + old age has made me wise. + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod, + now by age my foot is heavily shod; + yet my heart--my heart would fly. + I am driven by fire and bound by ice, + no rest nor repose have I. + + A shuddering chill falls on the night, + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold. + There passed a great gust through the silver lace + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace + on paws that are soundless and still. + It may be a god on his evening stroll. + The roots of the forest thrill. + +When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, and sat +eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, conceived in a +snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. "_Boris_!" they said and +fell on their noses. + +She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop in the +village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she pushed the cups +and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday jacket with pretty +strips of the cloth. All the while she never spoke a word, because a +stranger was in the room. + +"You know me, Olga, don't you?" + +"Mm." + +"But you look so angry." + +"M-no." + +"How's the snow track across the fjeld?" + +"All right." + +I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, and asked: + +"How far is it to your old hut?" + +"Not far," said Olga. + +Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not smile at +me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her vanity and sewing +wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no doubt, she will wear it to +church and meet the man whose eyes it is meant to gladden. + +I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, these human +grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon and the moon was +bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a further supply of reindeer +cheese and whatever other food I could get, I left the hut. But what a +surprise: the bright moonlight was gone, and the sky was overcast; there +was no frost, only mild weather and wet woods. It was spring. + +When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why should I +listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into the woods to +direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, her feathers ruffled +like a hen's. + + + + +VI + + +It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I found myself +high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the path. What is that dark +shape there? A mountain peak. And that over there? Another peak. Let us +pitch camp on the spot, then. + +There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. I sat in +the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and many +experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it is, too, to +have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the open! + +During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me under my +crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, that a sound +still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or sung in my sleep. +Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to look about me. It was +dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky was paler than the ring of +mountains round me; I lay in the center of a city of peaks, at the foot of +a great cliff, huge to the point of deformity. The wind began to blow, and +suddenly there was a booming in the distance. Then came a streak of +lightning, and immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic +avalanche between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran through +me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt before, and I gave +it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and humorous abandon. Many a +thought ran through my mind, witticisms alternating with moments of such +great sorrow that I lay sighing deeply. The lightning and thunder came +closer, and it began to rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were +overpowering; all nature was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to +conquer the night by shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of +my strength and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are +sheer incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? But I +nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. Perhaps after all +they are only stuffed mountains. + +More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as though the +near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred times through me. +Never mind. I have read about many battles and been in a rain of bullets +before this. Yet in a moment of sadness and humility in the presence of +the powers about me, I weep and think: + +"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing already?" + +And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives. + +A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped over my +very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the sleeping bag +and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was lightning and more +thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not listened to Olga's advice and +remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps whose magic powers are doing this? +The Lapps? Those human mites, those mountain dwarfs! What is all this +noise to me? I made a feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, +for I was among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with +the thunder. + +I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand shouting +and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him with milk-blue +eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a mountain would be so hard. +But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; did you think I should waste my +good brain chasing such rainbows? You lie. Here I lean against the whole +world, and you, perhaps, believe the blue of my eyes.... + +At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it happened to +me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of my jacket. The +lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to the ground. I felt a +sensation of heat, and saw that the ground farther down the mountain was +struck a loud blow and then split. A great oppression held me down; a +spear of darkness shot through me. And then it thundered beyond all +measure, not long and rumbling, but firm and clear and rattling. + +The storm passed on. + + + + +VII + + +Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, struck by +lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, as after a +punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck made me +overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting the ground, and I +avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I was not even out of +temper when I had to retrace my steps across the fjeld to find my way +again to the hut. I had time; there was no hurry. I was the first tourist +of the spring season, and far too early. + +So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at night +verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had become a real +poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes had taken place +within me since the winter, when I had desired nothing but to lie blinking +my eyes and be left in peace. + +One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut and walked +about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been thinking of writing +some children's verses, addressed to a certain little girl, but nothing +had come of it. Now as I walked on the mountainside, I felt again a desire +for this pastime, and worked at it on several occasions, but could not get +it into shape. The night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time +when such things come to one. + +So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good store of +food. There were many people in this district, and it did me good to hear +human speech and laughter again; but there was no place here where I could +stay, and in any case I had come too early. I had much to carry on my way +home to my hut again. About halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a +vagabond, whose name was Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son +of a telegraph operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation +before. + +That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass with my +burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, "I shouldn't +have run over you in any case, ha, ha!" + +He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I told him +it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned away. I thought +that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he carried nothing that +looked like provisions, I offered him some of mine in order to make him +talk a little. He thanked me and accepted. + +He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in his +twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the swaggering +fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping from under the peak +of his cap; but he wore no beard. This full-grown man still shaved without +growing tired of doing so, and this, together with his fringe of hair and +his general manner, gave me the impression that he wished to seem younger +than he was. + +We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful mood, and +since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a laughing iron +mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was only one thing: I had +been silent for so long that I talked now perhaps too readily; and if it +happened that both this boy Solem and I spoke at once, he would stop +immediately to let me have my say. When this had happened several times, I +grew tired of winning, and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and +say: "Go ahead." + +I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange trees, and +writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a hut, but that today I +had finished my stock of provisions and had had to go to the village. When +he heard about the hut, he stopped chewing, and sat as though he were +listening; then he said hastily: "Yes, in a way I know these telegraph +poles across the mountains very well. Not these particular poles, but +others. I was a linesman till not long ago." + +"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I added. + +He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to put him in +the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and rested, and found +my crisp-bread there. + +"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he said. + +We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, nor did he +dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to such an extent that I +valued his good behavior. + +He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude for the +food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the stranger +returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a note on the +table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an extremely ill-mannered +epistle, full of obscene expressions. When Solem saw what I was reading, +his iron face broke into a smile. I pretended not to understand the note +and threw it back on the table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds. + +"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of doing that +sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here." + +Soon after this he went out. + +He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying me by +washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other ways. There +was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the Lapps lived +there--which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but Solem stopped the +cracks with bacon fat and boiled my clothes in it. It was very funny to +watch him imperturbably skimming off the fat that floated up. + +He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions again, and +then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I was going the other +way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the great peaks of the Tore, +where summer visitors stayed and many travelers passed, he wanted to go +there, too. He was a bird of passage. + +"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm used to farm +work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there." + + + + +VIII + + +The bustle of spring season had already started at the great farm; men and +animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing the whole day long, and +the goats had long since been let out to pasture. + +It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had cleared +an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart from that, all +the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new houses had been built +here as the traffic over the fjelds increased, and gargoyles, homelike and +Norwegian, sat on the gable ends, while the sound of a piano came from the +living-room. Do you know the place? You have been here, and the people of +the farm have asked after you. + +Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from solitude. I +speak to the young people who own the homestead now, and to the husband's +old father and young sister Josephine. The old man leaves his room to look +at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps ninety; his eyes are worn and +half-crazed, and his figure has shrunk to nothing. He toils with both +hands to drag himself into the day, and each time it is as though he left +his mother's womb anew and found a world before him: + +"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as he gazes +at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at them, too, and +thinks: + +"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a doorway...." + +And he stands still a long time staring at it. + +But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and plays the +piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the garden, her feet are +like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is to the visitors! Surely she +has seen us coming a long way off, Solem and myself, and sat down to play +the piano. She has gray, pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm +an old observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion. + +It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. But she is +only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. Ordinarily she has +no time for such work, for she is too busy at her indoor tasks, waiting at +table and watering the flowers and chatting with me about who climbed the +Tore Peak last summer, and who did it the summer before that. These are +Josephine's tasks. + +Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while watching Solem, +who has been put to carting manure, then drift on down through the wood to +the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, barns with room for two cows +and a couple of goats in each, half-naked children playing homemade games +outside the barns, quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places +cart manure on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on +the ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the houses, +but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know the life of +labor, and well do I like it. + +It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads were tiny +but the fences surrounding the land included a good section of forest. +When the ground was cleared all the way to the fence, this would be a farm +with five cows and a horse. Good luck! + +The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting away, +green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break out in the +woods. My original intention to make great irons hot within me is +unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I must be an incredible +fool. I do not even know with any certainty if there are irons in me +still, or whether I can shape them if there are. Since the winter, life +has made me lonely and small; I idle and loiter here, remembering that +once things were different. Now that I have reached daylight and men +again, I begin to understand all this. I was a different person once. The +wave has its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had +I. Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me. + +What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to mourn. Life +is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At times I have had gold +and silver and copper and iron and other small metals; it was a great +delight to live in the world, much greater than an endless life away from +the world; but pleasure cannot last. I know of no one who has not been +through the same thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they +have declined! But they themselves have said: + +"See how everything is better!" + +At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a vegetating +existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And the irons were no +longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by heaven, how stubbornly +Simplicity insisted the irons were there, insisted that they were red. + +"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!" + +As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another twenty years +from one who has already begun to perish! I have no use for such a way of +thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with your cheerful mediocrity and +school education. A one-armed man can still walk; a one-legged man can lie +down. Has the forest taught you nothing, then? What have I learned in the +forest? _That young trees grow there_. + +In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, barbarously +scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by stupidity and +degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know nothing more +despicable than your school education and your school-education standards. +Whether you have a catechism or a compass by which to guide your life is +all the same; come here, my friend, and I will give you a compass made of +my latest iron. + + + + +IX + + +A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master of the +house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for Solem, why, he, +too, went with him so that he might know the way for later tourists. We +found the fat, short, and thin-haired stranger standing in the yard, an +elderly, well-to-do man who walked for the sake of his health and the last +twenty years of his life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze +beneath her skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and +its earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he brought +out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, young-girl's +fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was given two crowns for +acting as guide, and that was good pay. All went so well that the master +himself was content. + +"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us in peace," +he added. + +By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he and his +household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor road would be +opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a question whether the +tourist traffic might not be deflected there. His wife and Josephine were +a little afraid it would be; but he himself had held as long as possible +to the opinion that all their regular visitors who had come again year +after year would remain faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars +they might have in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore +range anywhere but here. + +The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he had much +timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built into new cottages, +with six new guestrooms, a great hall with reindeer horns and log chairs, +and a bathroom. But what was the matter with him today; was he beginning +to doubt? "If only they would leave us in peace," he said. + +A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a cottage to +herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and fashionable, this +Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. She was a charming lady, +and her little daughters were well-grown, handsome children. They curtsied +to me, making me feel, I don't know why, as though they were giving me +flowers. A strange feeling. + +Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for the +summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would stay a week. +Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen and Palm, and still +later Associate Schoolmaster Höy and several others--tradesmen, telephone +operators, a few people from Bergen, one or two Danes. There were many of +us at table now, and the talk was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was +asked if he wanted more soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no +more!" and then rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct +thing to say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient guests +there were few or none at all, and it was really on these that the house +would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single meals, on cups of coffee. +Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, and her young fingers grew more +greedy as they counted silver coins. + +Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of the guests +were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others praised both the +food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress Torsen wanted to leave. +She was tall and handsome and wore a red hat on her dark hair; but there +were no suitable young men here, and in the long run it was a bore to +waste her holidays so completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both +Africa and America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing. + +"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us. + +"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered. + +They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to the woods +together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt did not amount +to much either; he was short and freckled, and talked of nothing but money +and trade. Besides, he had only a small shop in the town, and dealt in +tobacco and fruit. No, he did not amount to much. + +One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss Torsen. She +was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and reserved, but sometimes +talkative, lively, and perhaps a little inconsiderate, too. We sat in the +living room, with people coming and going continually, but she did not let +that disturb her, and talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she +sometimes clasped her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we +had been sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said: + +"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?" + +She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she turned away +and went on talking, looking very proud and determined as she did so. No +doubt she had many good qualities; she was twenty-seven, she said, and +sick and tired of a teacher's life. + +But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first place? + +"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The girls next +door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to study languages, +as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded so fine. We were going to +be independent and earn a lot of money. That's what I thought! Have a +home, however small, that was quite my own. How we slogged away all +through school! Some of the girls had money, but those of us who were poor +couldn't dress like them, and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And +so we came to avoid all work at home for the sake of our hands. + +"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them such fine +gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, of course, but +he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave us banknotes--me, +anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was Flaten; his father was a +merchant. Of course, he being so handsome and dashing, we wanted to be +nice to him too. I should have done anything he asked; I used to pray to +God for him. + +"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and pretty. That +was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and mending fell to the +lot of my mother and sisters; we students wouldn't do anything but sit +round being very learned and getting seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as +I don't mind admitting. It was in the course of those years that we +acquired all the distorted ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew +dull with school wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy +about our sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on +our examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the family. + +"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at forty +_kroner_ a month. Because now there was no longer anything in the +least extraordinary about us students--we were no rarity, there were +hundreds of us--forty _kroner_ was the most they gave us. Thirty went +to Father and Mother for our keep, and ten for ourselves. It wasn't +enough. We had to have pretty clothes for the office, and we were young, +we liked to walk out; but everything was too dear for us, we went into +debt, and some of us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow +school life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before any +experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and with such +antecedents, of course, there was first-rate mismanagement in the home; +others disappeared to America. But probably all of them are still boasting +their languages and their examinations. It's all they have left--not +happiness or health or innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!" + +"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good salaries?" + +"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over again. As +though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't sacrificed enough +for our sakes already! There was cramming again for long periods, and then +we began life in the schoolroom--to give to others the same unnatural +upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, yes, ours was a noble vocation; it +was almost like being missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like +to talk about something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please." + +Tradesman Batt opened the door and said: + +"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now." + +"Oh, leave me alone," she replied. + +Tradesman Batt withdrew. + +"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked. + +"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of the +window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such liberties." + +How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed! + +Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that Miss Torsen +had recently lost her post at the school, where indulgence had been +exercised for a long time toward her eccentric methods of teaching. + +So that was it. + +But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true. + + + + +X + + +The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here owes a huge +debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, valuable plots of +land to his cotters. I am finding out many things now. Mrs. Brede with the +handsome, well-modeled head knows something about everything, for her many +summers at the farm have given her knowledge. When she talks about +conditions here, she need not grope for words. + +The master has taken a large mortgage. + +No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new buildings and +flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the red-painted well house--all +give an impression of great prosperity. The rooms, too, make a good +impression. I shall not speak of the piano, but here are pictures on the +walls and photographs of the farm seen from all angles; good newspapers +are kept and there is a selection of novels on the tables; though guests +sometimes take books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a +thing like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the background. In +short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is a fortune here. And +why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort for tourists and +pensioners? + +Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its interior and +exterior furnishings costs more than the business is worth. Manufacturer +Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is why Mrs. Brede comes here +every year with her children, to get their dividends in board and lodging. + + +No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own house. + +"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. "Travelers stopped +here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it cost nothing to run the +place then. But the tourist traffic has forced him to make improvements +and enlargements. You have to keep pace with development, and be as good +as other such places in the country; they're all competing. And probably +the master here is not the right man to carry on such an irregular and +capricious business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets +the farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the farm +from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end with the +cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, Paul's." + +"How can the cotters get power to do that?" + +"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest with three +or four goats each, first one of them, then the other one, working down in +the village and coming home with food and money, and all the time clearing +their own ground. The goats grew more numerous, a cow was added, they +bought more virgin land, and they acquired still more livestock. They +sowed grain and planted potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner +here buys root vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with +such things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says it's not +worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring enough men to run +the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the spring season that the +tourists start coming, and then the men are constantly being interrupted +in their work on the farm to pilot tourists across the fjeld, or to do +this or that for the guests. And this goes on all through the short summer +months; for several years, they haven't even found the time to spread all +their manure. But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists +are all rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my husband +says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's outlying +fields." + +On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told me with a +shake of the head that she herself knew very little about it, and had all +her information from her husband. The fact was that every time these +cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from Paul, her husband had to +give his consent. This was because of the mortgage, and this, too, was how +they had learned of these matters. Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of +fact, was most anxious to be released from his undertaking, but this was +by no means easy. It was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the +new automobile route. + +Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with her little +girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. One day, for +example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs broken, and all the +guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and bandages for the wound; but +Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she was, experienced, wise, and a little +surprised at all the excitement. + +"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter it." + +The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two little girls +were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in important business, for +he spent a large part of the year in Iceland, and traveled a good deal +elsewhere as well. This, too, the lady bore quietly. And yet she was still +young and handsome, a little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a +lovely, unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark. + +But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One evening +when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do her a service, I +saw that her face was strange and covered with blushes. Would Solem come +to her room and repair a window-blind that had fallen down? It was late in +the evening, and the lady seemed to have been in bed already, and to have +risen again. Solem did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, +and clung for a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come.... + +What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was! + +Mrs. Brede departed. + +But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her mind. +Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position herself. + + + + +XI + + +An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across the +fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this year? +Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would "do" the +mountain peaks of Norway--where were they? + +At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were middle-aged, unshaven +and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or something of that sort, but +quite as speechless and uncivil as the grandest of the traveling British +clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them +was any different from what we had grown to expect; these two traveled +brainlessly and solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a +purpose, behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him a +fifty-_öre_ bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he told me +afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but nothing came of +that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown spoiled and insolent +from all his idling with tourists. + +_"Mehr,_ more," said he. + +No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and struck his +hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, and one +_krone_ made its appearance. But on Solem's taking the noble lord by +the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two _kroner_ were at +last forthcoming. + +At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, huntsmen, +fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a tremendous commotion +at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent double under all the orders he +received, and Josephine ran, flew at every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up +her sitting room to three English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded +together as close as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep +my bed because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it matter for a +night!" + +Then I went out. + +If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a resort in +the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is the meaning of +all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the animals not at rest? +The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs has got in. Or--_have_ +some of the visiting dogs got in? Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and +circles; nothing is new, all returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. +The Romans ruled the world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so +invincible, that they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could +afford to live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and +animals. Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only sat--sat +and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less rulers of the +world than the Romans. + +They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' shed; I was +merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to accept the ways of +the mighty tourists. But they themselves belonged to that nation of +gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one day the wholesome Gothic soul will +castigate to death.... + +The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs began to +bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and doors began to +bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, these travelers; they +were running to catch the doctor. They had breakfast in two sessions, but +though the household was bent double before them and gave of its best, +they were not satisfied. "If we had only known a little earlier," said +Paul. But they muttered that we should just wait; there were motor cars in +other places. Then Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who +lived under the Tore peaks: + +"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? And I'm +planning to get a telephone...." + +The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and departed, +accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying trunks. + +Peace descended on us again. + +Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting plants round +the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table in a very learned +fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out their peculiarities. +Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at school. + +"Here you see an _Artemis cotula_," he said. + +Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the name and +said: + +"Yes, take plenty of it with you." + +"What for?" + +"It's insect powder." + +Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good deal of +discussion in which Associate Master Höy had to take a hand. + +No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could classify plants +and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. The peasant children in +his neighborhood were ignorant of these classes and names, and he could +teach them. He enjoyed that so much. + +But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut down one +year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him religious and +silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches of trees, and the +grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great heaven of all the +universe--were these his friends? + +_Artemis cotula_.... + + + + +XII + + +When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies.... Sometimes I +think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the Associate Master gravely +keeps her company; they talk about the servants at home whose only desire +is to stay out all night. Mrs. Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but +probably she has at one time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as +though they were cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few +years ago, her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth +seemed to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was in +Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. And here +is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is it only for her +health, or are she and the Associate Master possibly children of the same +provincial town? + +When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies, I leave them and +go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows where I keep +myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be different from the +Associate Master, who is very far from being so settled. So I go out. It +is a bright day with just the right amount of warmth, and my summer woods +are filled with the fragrance of plants. I rest frequently, not because I +need to, but because the ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no +one can find me; only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms +or men, no one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which +is green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which looks +as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so thin and +lonely. + +You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel a kind of +sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It was like meeting +a child. + +With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit across +the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist sways in slow +rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, fluctuates and strains to +give birth to something. But when I rise to walk on, the end is not yet in +sight. + +I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. They neither +toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace my steps to see if I +can find their leader, but it is useless: farther and farther I retreat, I +begin to run, but the procession is endless before and behind me. Perhaps +they started a week ago. So I go on my way, and the other insects go on +theirs. + +Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an embrace, +in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to stamp or weigh it +down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and defenseless, indulgent like a +mother. To think of an ant walking on this! Here and there lie stones, +half-covered with moss, not because they have fallen there, but because +this is their home, and they have lived here long. This is peerless. + +When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on another +peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little cow with red +and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me and caws down at me +in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against the stone. A warm thrill +runs through me, and I feel, as I have done in the woods so many times +before, that someone has just been here, and has stepped to one side. +Someone is with me here, and a moment later I see his back disappearing +into the woods. "It is God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor +singing. I only see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It +was God," I think. + +"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I reply. "Am I +making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the Mohammedans their god, +the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one knows God, my friend; man knows +only gods. And sometimes I meet mine." + +I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the one I came +by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I reach a great +ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse myself, I pretend to +be tired, flinging myself on the ground exactly as though someone were +watching me and saw how exhausted I am. It is only for my amusement, +because my brain has been idle so long. The sky is clear everywhere; the +clusters of mist over the Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but +they have stolen away. In their place, an eagle swings in great circles +over the valley. Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring +as though held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to watch +him. At length he disappears behind the peaks. + +And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper trees. What +miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin perhaps hold some +meaning; they have lain here for thousands of years, but perhaps they, +too, roam, and make an inexpressible journey. The glaciers move, the land +rises, and the land falls; there is no hurry here. But since my +consciousness cannot associate fact with such a conception, it grows blind +with fury and revolts: The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game! + +This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of stone. It's +a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, and perhaps a +well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But heaven protect me just +the same from the inhabitants of these towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, +neither do they attract thieves; they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: +that is what I hold against them, that they make no fiery gestures; it +would become them to roll a little, but there they lie, with even their +sex unknown. But you saw the eagle instead! Be still.... + +A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the flowers +and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only trembles. + +I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's house. + +"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," I tell him +in the course of our conversation. + +"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies cunningly. +In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has seen what it leads +to. + +I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the ground. He +thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an animal that +sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had bought a slightly +larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would feed one cow more; but he +himself had only got this bit of a field. Still, this would amount to +something, too, as long as he kept his health to work it. + +He gripped his spade again. + + + + +XIII + + +Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, but some +of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded and said, Yes, +he was the right sort. + +"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Höy asked, looking +up from his plate. + +No one answered. + +Then Associate Master Höy could not help smiling broadly, and said: + +"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've never paid +any attention to him." + +Associate Master Höy might look at Solem all he pleased; he would grow no +bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Höy was annoyed, and that +was the truth. It is catching for a woman to discover that a man is "the +right sort"; the other women grow curious, and stick their noses into it: +"So-o-o, is he?" And a few days later the whole flock of them are of one +opinion: "Yes, indeed, he's the right sort!" + +Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then! + +Poor Mr. Höy; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for Solem. To +tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much about the matter, +but she could not lag behind the others. + +"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Höy, and smiled again. He was +intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and pretty. + +At the next meal, Mr. Höy could contain himself no longer. + +"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem." + +"Well?" + +"Common sneak-thief!" + +"Oh, shame!" + +"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue chin, a +perfect horse-face...." + +"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie. + +Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation after all, I +thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite a little cushion +over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched up. She had eaten well and +slept well, and improved at this resort. Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has +plenty of life left in her. + +This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate Master Höy! +For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of a lawyer, and he +talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had there been anything +between her and Mr. Höy? True, he was not much to look at, but then +neither was she. + +The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the social +sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the principle of the +referendum. At first he had worked a few years in an architect's office, +he told us, but then he had changed to the law instead, which in its turn +had led him into social problems. No doubt he was a rich and unselfish man +to be able to change his vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, +Switzerland!" he said, and his eyes watered. None of us could understand +his fervor. + +"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said. + +The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite incapable of +restraining himself. + +Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about him +lately. He's ten times better than many another." + +"There, you see!" + +"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he is. And +what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame goat." + +"Did you stop to watch that?" + +"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. And later +I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. I can well +understand that the ladies see something in him." + +How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the wife of the +captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and remain faithful to +her Chinaman. + +"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said Mrs. +Molie. + +Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate Master into +jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight? + +But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Höy's torment and +wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Höy just expressed himself +kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who one fine evening had +caused her to tear down her window blind? There is cause and effect in all +things. + +"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then she +reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about Switzerland; +but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, and I've never in my +life been so cheated." + +The lawyer only smiled at this. + +Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, watchmakers and +the Alps and Calvin-- + +"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said the +Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with suppressed rage. + +"Really, really, Associate Höy!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm with a +smile. + +But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by telling them +all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that model for all small +countries of the world. What social conditions, what a referendum, what +planning in the exploitation of the country's natural wonders! There they +had sanatoriums; there they knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous! + +"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It smells like +tourists' feet." + +Dead silence. So Associate Master Höy was prepared to go to such lengths! + +"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish voice mildly. + +"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Höy replied. "Just the thing for +Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair." + +Laughter. + +Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could safely +continue: + +"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we should not be +so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest investigations in +that country that they are ahead of us in every respect. We have +everything to learn from them: their frugality, their diligence, their +long working hours, the small home industries--" + +"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Höy. "All trifles, nothingness, +negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the mercy of its +neighbors ought not to be a model for any other country on earth. We must +try to rise above the wretched stench of it, which only makes us ill. The +big countries and big circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, +even the small things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. +A child can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state of +affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to be its +model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland really amounts +to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the smallest and meanest +country as our model? Things are small enough here anyhow. Switzerland is +the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard of a young South American country +of Norway's size trying to be on a level with Switzerland? Why do you +think Sweden is taking such great strides forward now? Not because it +looks to Switzerland, or to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for +that! But what about us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation +stuck up in our mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--" + +The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to indicate that he +wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his voice: + +"Just a moment!" + +The Associate Master stopped. + +"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the lawyer, +preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in the country you +speak of?" + +"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master. + +There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And then it all +came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had known all the time +that Mr. Höy had been on a traveling scholarship in Switzerland, but she +had never mentioned it. What a snake in the grass! She had even encouraged +the lawyer, but no one else, to talk about Switzerland. + +"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Höy has been in Switzerland" she +said, as though to clinch the matter. + +"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the country with +different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly anxious to end the +controversy. + +"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, who +seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after generation, +filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their mountains. But it's +a country without folk music or folk tales. I suppose you think we ought +to work hard to resemble the Swiss in that, too?" + +"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen. + +Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did. + +At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the window as +she said: + +"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland before, Mr. +Associate Master." + +This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to annihilate +her, but he restrained himself and remained silent. + +"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him. + +"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't understand it, +I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm accustomed to explaining +to children." + +Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling patiently. + +"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to yours," the +lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that this was one thing I +knew something about, however...." + +Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on the point +of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still for a moment, and +then followed her, whistling and putting on as brave a manner as though he +felt quite easy in his mind. + +"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of the +company, namely myself. + +And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied: + +"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both sides." + +Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a mediator, +for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's early seventies, +one still has many pathetically young ideas. + +The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus: + +"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for being +able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain resort. We get +tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and earn money and pay off +our debts. Ask this man if he would have been willing to do without all we +have learned from Switzerland...." + +That evening Mrs. Brede asked, + +"Why did you make Mr. Höy look so unreasonable today, Mrs. Molie?" + +"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!" + +As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really been +innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate Master set off +up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and remained away till midday. +If they had the matter out between them, then no doubt the lady spoke to +her much-tried friend as follows: + +"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! What an +idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give him a good +dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're the silliest, +sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...." + + + + +XIV + + +Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no other +visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a manner of +speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us still believe there +will be more visitors, because after all we're the only ones that have the +Tore peaks! + +But no one appears. + +The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and do not +complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things quietly; he +sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but once or twice I +have seen him walking away from the house at night, walking in deep +thought toward the woods. + +From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor traffic has +started there now. So this is the explanation of the quiet in our valley! +Then one day a Dane came down to us from the fjeld. He had climbed the +Tore peaks from the other side, something that had been thought impossible +till now. He had simply driven in a car to the foot of the mountains and +walked across! + +So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either. + +I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow green-fodder +in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at any rate, had been +his original intention, but then came the great caravan, and he neglected +it. Now, of course, the season is too far advanced for sowing, and there +will be nothing but docks and chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at +least, and sown? Why didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking +the woods at night? + +But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in farming was +diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has remained. He hears that +our lawyer is also an architect and asks him to draw a plan for the big +new house with the six rooms, the hall and the bathroom. Paul has already +ordered the log chairs and the reindeer horns for the hall. + +"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the cars coming +here too," said the lawyer. + +"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can do +something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must have a +road." + +The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round to look at +the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. Paul was already +quite convinced that three or four good tourist summers would pay it off. + +Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I discovered +that he smelled of brandy. + +Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, travelers who +were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. Everyone's spirits rose; the +strangers stayed a few days and nights, and were guided across the fjeld +by Solem, who earned a fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and +strolled about the farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to +discuss with the lawyer about the house. + +"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," he said. +"I shall be away for a couple of days." + +So they attended to a few minor matters. + +"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer. + +"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if I can get +the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a telephone and +automobile service and so on." + +"Good luck!" said the lawyer. + +So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about our own +affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said: + +"Will you go and sow the field by the river?" + +"Has Paul said so?" he asked. + +"Yes," she replied. + +Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, Josephine +went down to him and said: + +"Harrow it once more." + +What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought than the men! +She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have seen her many times +with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. And when she pretended that +none but the maids milked the goats and did outside work, it was for the +good name of the house. She had learned to play the piano for the same +reason. The mistress of the house helped her nobly, for both women were +thoughtful and industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was +light as a feather. And the chaste little hands she had! + +"Josephine, Joséfriendly!" I called her wittily. + + + + +XV + + +Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering taking her +departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she did not need a stay +in the mountains on that account, and if she was bored, why should she +stay? + +But a minor event caused her to stay. + +In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to cultivate +Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that they felt a need +to busy themselves with something, and to find someone to make a fuss +over. And here was the lad Solem. They got into the habit of telling one +another what Solem had said and what Solem believed, and they all listened +with great interest. Solem himself had grown spoiled, and joked +disrespectfully with the ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once +he had even bragged in a most improper way, saying: + +"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!" + +"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's chopping wood +and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps getting caught in the +wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he said: 'I wish I had time to stop +so I could chop this blasted finger right off my hand!'" + +"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of doing it, +too!" + +A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, tying a +fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was chaste, but young. + +The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the heat +coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all our strength. +But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied ourselves in various +ways: some of us wrote letters or played forfeit games in the garden, +while others were so far restored that they went for a walk "to look at +nature." + +Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. He had on +his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of going to bed. + +Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said: + +"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?" + +Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his forehead. + +"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. There was a +path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she said." + +Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, she paced +back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. Her red felt hat +was held on the back of her head by a pin, the brim turned up high in +front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, her shoes light. + +It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a window onto +her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! Had she not toiled +through her youth and gained school knowledge? But no reality! Poor Miss +Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any other lady tonight. + +As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, Miss Torsen +cleared her throat. + +"Come with me instead!" she said. + +Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right." + +So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated indifference, +as though nothing on earth were any concern of mine. + +"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already behind +the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they hurried lest +Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone. + +A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in her, +nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no language; her soul +was undernourished. A true woman would have married; she would have been a +man's wife, she would have been a mother, she would have been a +benediction to herself. Why pounce on a pleasure merely to prevent others +from having it? And she so tall and handsome! + +The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog approaches. +Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on the bone and +crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is approaching. + +It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my mind was +ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within me the nursery +rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking verses about the juniper +tree. + + To the top of the steepest mountains, + where the little juniper stands, + no other tree can follow + from all the forest lands. + Halfway to the hilltop + the shivering pine catches hold; + the birch has actually passed him, + though sneezing with a cold. + But a little shrub outstrips them, + a sturdy fellow he, + and stands quite close to the summit, + though he measures barely a yard. + They look like a train from the valley below + with the shortest one for the guard. + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now-- + why, it's only a juniper tree. + + Down dale there's summer lightning, + green leaves and St. John's feast, + with songs and games of children, + and a dozen dances at least. + But high on the empty mountain + stands a shrub in lonely glory, + with only the trolls that prowl about, + just like in a story. + The wind with the juniper's forelock + is making very free; + it sweeps across the world beneath + that lies there helpless and bare, + but the air on the heights is fresher + than you'll ever find it elsewhere. + None can see so far around + as such a juniper tree. + + There hovers over the mountain + for a moment summer's breath; + at once eternal winter + brings back his companion, death. + Yet sturdy stands the juniper + with needles ever green. + I wonder how the little chap + can bear a life so lean. + He's hard as bone and gristle, + as anyone can see; + when every other tree is stripped, + his berries are scarlet and sleek, + and every berry's plainly marked + with a cross upon its cheek. + So now we know what he looks like too, + this jolly juniper tree. + + At times I think he sings to himself + a cheerful little song: + "I've got a bright blue heaven + to look at all day long!" + Sometimes to his juniper brothers + he calls that they need not fear + the trolls that are prowling and peering + about them far and near. + Gently the winter evening + falls over the copse on the height, + and a thousand stars and candles + are lit in the plains of the sky. + The juniper trees grow weary + and nod their heads on the sly; + before we know it they're fast asleep, + so we say: "Good night, good night!" + +I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I sent to a +little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the country, and she +learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. Brede's little girls, who +stood still like two bluebells, listening. Then they tore the paper out of +my hand and ran to their mother with it. They loved their mother very +much. And she loved them too; they had the most delightful fun together at +bedtime. + +Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a madness, +but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did anyone prize her for +that? Who? Her husband? + +A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the consequences +of her being left behind for endless days. + + + + +XVI + + +Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks very happy +about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too restless and +strange to be contented with anything. + +Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with Solem, and +stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up again, she was +quite all right. + +Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though someone had +seized her by it? + +She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he were +nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods that had +made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no longer! It was like +her to want nothing real, nothing but the sensation, nothing but the +triumph. Solem had not understood that, and had flown into a passion. Had +it been thus? + +Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more direct +and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like "Oh, yes, +that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as strong as a man!" + +And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her with gross +eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself and seem +indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life whenever she was +about. But he might have saved himself the trouble. Miss Torsen was +stone-deaf to his songs. + +And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of sheer +defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done before, but she +began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, sitting by his work table +in the living room as he drew plans of houses. Such is the perverse +idleness of summer resorts. + + * * * * * + +So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I begin to +weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going across the +fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were in other years, +when visitors came in droves. And things will not improve until we, too, +get roads and cars. + +I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the neighboring valley +is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours is only called Reisa after +the river: the whole of the Reisa district is no more than an appendage. +Stordalen has all the advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls +the neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people there +are so petty and avaricious. + +Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as hopeless as he +went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a day, he stayed in his +room without once emerging. When he reappeared at last, he was aloof and +reserved, pretending he had been very successful during his absence; he +should manage about the cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had +a few more drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to give +their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with any sense. +Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the whole appendage? +Because then the caravans would come, scattering money over the valley. +They understood nothing, those fools! + +"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said the lawyer. + +"Of course," replied Paul with finality. + +Then he went to his room and lay down again. + +On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had toiled up +themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and now they wanted +some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could not possibly carry all +the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down in his room. I had seen Paul +again during the night go out to the woods, talking loudly and flinging +his arms about as though he had company. + +And here were all the strangers. + +Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem across to +Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help them carry. In +the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept looking at their +watches, for if they could not cross the Tore fjeld before nightfall, they +would have to spend the night outdoors. One of them suggested to the +others that perhaps this delay was intentional. The owner of the place +probably wanted them to spend the night there; they began to grumble among +themselves, and at last they asked: + +"Where is the master, the host?" + +"He's ill," said Josephine. + +Solem returned and said: + +"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes." + +A pause. + +Then Josephine said: + +"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!" + +She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and knapsacks on +her little back, and trotted off. The others followed. + +I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I would not +allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from the house would do +her good. We walked together and talked on the way: she had really no +complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum of money saved up. + +When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn back. She +thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with nothing to do but +walk. + +"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said. + +She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, the daughter +of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been going with the +tourists solely to carry their luggage. + +"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but that can +wait till the winter." + +We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I threatened to +throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then she would see! + +"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied Josephine, "and +then _you'll_ see!" + +By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew what had +happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted the burden from +my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of ceremony, and told me his +own and his companions' names. I must excuse them, I really must forgive +them; this was too bad, he had been so unobserving.... + +I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. It is not +strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me the ape of all +the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many another groans under a +burden of stupidity, which is little better. We all have our cross to +bear.... + +Then Josephine and I turned homeward again. + + * * * * * + +Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; this is +because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am troublesome to +others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw loose; people forgive me +because my hair is gray. You who live by your compass will say that I am +respected for the writing I have been doing all these years. But if that +were so, I should have had respect in my young days when I deserved it, +not now when I no longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the +world--can be expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and +only the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that age. + +Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is due, not +so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born with this ability. + +I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have thought to +myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no doubt others have +said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I have gone even further than +this: I have intentionally exposed myself to direct contempt from other +literary men, and this has not hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. +On the other hand, my way of life has lent me an inner distinction for +which I have a right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet one can +endure even such a lie if one has character. + +You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!--"_Considering +what book-writers do in the world, and what the world does +with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous thing the world +at present has to show_." You may quote many others as well; they will +assert that a great to-do is made over me for my authorship as well as my +native ability, and my struggle to hammer this ability into a useful +shape. And I say only what is the truth, that most of the fuss is made +because I have reached an age in which my years are revered. + +And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which makes it easy +to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and arrogant fashion. Old +age should not be honored for its own sake; it does nothing but halt and +delay the march of man. The primitive races, indeed, have no respect for +old age, and rid themselves unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A +long time ago I deserved honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than +one sense, I am a richer man and can afford to do without. + +Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. "How old +he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain silent so that I +may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing nonsense! + +The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old fellow and old +companion; for pity's sake don't say anything memorable to us--you should +have done that when you were better able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep +us company. But don't let your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't +restrain us; you have had your day--now it's our turn..." + +This is honest speech. + +In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers preserve +their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, unpleasant +labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she herself works +among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same with her own daughter. +It is her instinct. + + + + +XVII + + +Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see nothing in +them that I have not known before. So I sink to the level of watching +Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But that too is familiar and +dull. + +Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a delusion of +greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for the money he earns, +and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, though it is very warm; +round his neck and over his chest lies a costly silk tie tied in a +sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as he, as he well knows; he sings +as he crosses the farmyard, and considers no one too good for him now. +Josephine objects to his loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so +indispensable at the resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his +own will in many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company. + +Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with the +lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in his plans. +Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is the right man for +her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather simple-minded, +strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to reconcile herself to +the constant companionship of these two in the living room, and she +frequently had some errand that took her there; what was she after, Mrs. +Molie, of the ice-blue teeth? + +At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver them. He +began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore range which no one +had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be conquered by him. Miss +Torsen objected to this plan, and as she grew to know him better, begged +him most earnestly not to undertake such a mad climb. So he promised with +a smile to obey her wishes. They were in such tender agreement, these two! + +But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it out to +his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again. + +"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said. + +So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her. + +The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on the pair. +One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss Torsen and said: + +"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?" + +The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at length: + +"A path? No, thank you." + +She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she said: + +"I never heard of such brazenness!" + +"What got into him?" said the lawyer. + +Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer. + +That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss Torsen +again and said: + +"What about that path? Shall we go now?" + +As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to elude him. +But Solem did not hesitate to follow her. + +"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If you're +insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the farm...." + +But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he was guide +and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent laborer on the farm as +well. And soon the hay would have to be brought in, and casual laborers +would be engaged to work under him. No, Solem could not be driven off. +Besides, the other ladies were on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone +could save him by a word. She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her +hand. + +Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and became a little +more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. Once at midday, as he was +standing in the woodshed, I saw him make a scratch with the ax across the +nail of his thumb. + +"What on earth are you doing?" I asked. + +"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. "When this +scratch grows out--" + +He stopped. + +"What then?" + +"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said. + +But I had the impression that he meant to say something different, so I +probed further. + +"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here long then, +will you?" + +"Nails grow slowly," he muttered. + +Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping wood. + +A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a cackling hen +under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and called: + +"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?" + +"Yes," was the reply. + +Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he wanted to +behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did everything on the farm; +he was, hand and brain, indispensable. + +He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, for she +twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She had stopped +cackling now. + +"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem. + +Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem still +held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was done so quickly +that the two sections of the bird were still one in my eyes; I could not +grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, and it took my sight a +second or two to overtake the event. Bewilderment was in the expression of +this detached head, which looked as though it could not believe what had +happened, and raised itself a little as if to show there was nothing the +least bit wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the headless body +reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and spattered blood in wide +arcs before it fell at last. + +"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem. + +Then he went off to fetch another hen. + + + + +XVIII + + +I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This would, to be +sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the farm: but who would +fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you he just lounges all day in +his room, and has been doing so lately more than ever; the guests never +see him except through an unsuccessful maneuver on his part. + +One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his disregard of +time, have thought the guests had already retired, but we all sat outside +in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew himself up and saluted as +he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he said: + +"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I was right +there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying luggage!" + +Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared important enough, +so he turned round and asked: + +"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as porter?" + +"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting potatoes." + +"Wouldn't go?" + +"That's what Einar said." + +Paul thought this over. + +"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them off the +place." + +Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked: + +"Haven't they bought their land?" + +"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say in things +too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe me...." + +Then he said sternly to Solem: + +"You come to me next time." + +Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again. + +"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer. + +Nobody replied. + +"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like that?" the +lawyer remarked. + +Mrs. Brede said gently: + +"What a pity! He never drank before." + +And at once the lawyer was charitable again: + +"I'll have a good talk with him," he said. + + * * * * * + +There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning till night, +when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was hoisted, and there +was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's feet said _whrr_ under +her skirt. The manufacturer arrived with a porter; his wife and children +went far down the road to meet him, and the visitors at the resort sallied +forth too. + +"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. He won us +all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with the broad good +cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good friends with us at once. + +"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as they clung +to him. + +"Three days." + +"Is that all!" said his wife. + +"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short time, my +dear; three days is a lot for me." + +"But not for me and the children," she said. + +"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do some +moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!" + +They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew the way +to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once. + +In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the manufacturer and +his wife joined us in the living room; he had brought whisky with him for +the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; for the ladies he had wine. It was +quite a little party, the manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we +were all well satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, +this heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think only +of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. Flags should be +lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went across to the cottage, +too, to see if the children were sleeping well. Generally speaking, he +seemed fond of the children. Though he owned factories and hotels and many +other things, yet he seemed to take the greatest pride of all in +possessing a couple of children. + +One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and began to make +a speech. + +The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but here was a +perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man from the great +world outside, from the heart of life, who had brought them wine and good +cheer and festivity? Strange wares up here in this world of blue +mountains ... and so on. + +He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated. + +The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral country that +neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had visited, and therefore +could not disagree about. One of the Danes had been there and was able to +confirm the justness of the manufacturer's impressions. + +But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes: + +"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I was in a +bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in Icelandic!' Ha, ha, +ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at swearing in Icelandic,' he said!" + +Everybody laughed, and his wife asked: + +"And what did you say?" + +"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, ha!" + +Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget we had the +family of a real man of the world with us here--his wife, "this peerless +lady, scattering charm and delight about her," and the children, dancing +butterflies! And a few minutes later, "Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a +flourish on the piano. + +The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife. + +"Well, that's that!" was all he said. + +Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the Dane who +had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she seemed purposely +to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's attention was attracted, and +he asked for further information about the motor cars in the neighboring +valley: how many there were, and how fast they could go. The Dane told +him. + +"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" said Mrs. +Molie. "It hasn't been done before." + +In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him about this +adventurous journey also. + +"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" said Mrs. +Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where ever will you stop?" + +Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he believed it was +unconquerable. + +"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, hadn't +forbidden me," said the lawyer. + +"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent tone. This +was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again as though ready to +believe him capable of anything. + +"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said Miss +Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast." + +"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife with a smile. +"After all, I'm an old sailor." + +"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little. + +"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring." + +"Where?" + +"In Iceland." + +"What for?" + +"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't much use for +it," said the manufacturer. + +"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his wife +repeated nervously. + +The manufacturer laughed. + +"The curiosity of the female sex--!" + +"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the children if +you--" + +She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand. + +"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a question of +life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. Well--we'd better say good +night now, Gerda." + +The manufacturer and his wife got up. + +Then the first man from Bergen made another speech. + + * * * * * + +The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and then made +ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was contented and +entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky and soda was brought +him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little girls had a wildly +hilarious half-hour with him. At night a tremendous snoring could be heard +from his cottage. Before his arrival, the little girls had spent a good +deal of time with me, but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up +with their father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two +rowan trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the rope +so as not to injure the tree. + +He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was intending to +take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's head was bent now, but +he seemed even more hurt that the manufacturer should have paid a visit to +the cotters to see how they were getting on. + +"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, for all I +care!" + +The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was a little +depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his family's courage +up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with both hands, and the +children clung to his other arm. + +"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm not +allowed to say good-bye." + +The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his arm back; +Mummy, you hold him tight, too!" + +"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just a short +trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be there, too." + +"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children asked. + +He twisted round and nodded to us. + +"These women! All curiosity!" he said. + +But none of his family laughed. + +He continued to us: + +"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, too. He +shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, ha, ha! That's +the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself to find out what +comes after death!" + +But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His wife +stood still; her face was beautiful. + +"So you're leaving now," was all she said. + +Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at the farm +for these three days in order to be at hand. + +Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied by his +wife and children. + +I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and money and +everything, fond of his children, all in all to his wife-- + +Was he really everything to his wife? + +The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he wasted +time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went by.... + + + + +XIX + + +It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being sharpened in +the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly clad and bareheaded, +and call to one another and laugh; sometimes they drink from a bucket of +whey, then set to work again. There is the familiar fragrance of hay, +which penetrates my senses like a song of home, drawing me home, home, +though I am not abroad. But perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from +the soil where I have my roots. + +Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to sobriety? +Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The others go out and lie +on their backs; I steal off and find relish in myself, and feel poetry +within me for the night. The world wants no, poetry; it wants only verses +that have not been sung before. + +And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge irons now, +for the needs of the mob and the honor of the country. + +No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen and left +our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern Railway could have +come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's tours--then Stordalen in its turn +would have lain deserted. Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the +soil will probably go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields +for the rest of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our +descendants are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with +the demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic. + +Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where you must +shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the country, a born +mediocrity with a little school knowledge about history; you had better +ask him. He'll give you just as much mediocre information, my friend, as +your vision can grasp and your brain endure. + + * * * * * + +Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a most +irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to him; he saw +no way out and therefore preferred to make himself blind, which gave him +an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our permanent guests now left together: +the telephone operators, Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and +Palm, and two men who were in some sort of business, I don't quite know +what. This whole party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven +about in cars. + +Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were carried +up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make several journeys +with the side of his cart let down, and bring the cases over the roughest +spots one by one. That was the kind of road it was. Josephine received the +consignment, and noticed that one of the cases gave forth the sound of a +liquid splashing inside. That had come to the wrong place, she said, and +writing another address on it, she told the man to take it back. It was +sirup that had come too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime. + +Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; the sirup +had not come too late, Paul said angrily. + +"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We heard the +sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor. + +Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull and empty, +nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at times. Though he +wanted to build still more houses, he could not use half those he had +already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone with her children in one of +them, and since seven of the guests had left, Miss Torsen was also alone +in the south wing. Paul wanted at all costs to build roads and share in +the development of the tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of +motor cars. But since he had not the power to do this alone and could get +no assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to make +matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw his money.... + +Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before going out +himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, but he was +disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him loudly: "Good +evening, Paul!" and drew him outside. + +They strolled down the field in the dusk. + +Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" with a man +about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be settled by talking. +But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer was right in all he said, +and probably left him with good resolutions. + +Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post office; the +money he had from the seven departed guests would be scattered to all +quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough to cover everything--in +fact not enough for anything, for interest, repayments, taxes, and +repairs. It paid only for a few cases of food from the city. And of course +he stopped the case of sirup from going back. + +Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It was the +same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own way to go on +searching for a solution, and one day he asked the lawyer: + +"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish +in--goldfish?" + +"Do you mean an aquarium?" + +"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?" + +"I don't know. Why?" + +"I wonder if I could get one." + +"What do you want it for?" + +"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, perhaps +it wouldn't." + +And Paul withdrew. + +Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish. + + + + +XX + + +The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even swings her in +the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to steady her when the +swing stops. Solem watches all this from the field where he is working, +and begins to sing a ribald song. Certainly these two have so ill-used him +that if he is going to sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the +time to do it; no one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, +and then began to yodel. + +But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting his arm +round her and stopping her.... + +It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the garden; he +didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss Torsen would not go +with him, and going alone was such a bore. He did not conceal that the +young woman meant something to him. + +Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked round +quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became his position +of a servant: + +"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm to take a +rope and go with him." + +The lawyer was startled. + +"Is he--?" + +The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His small, +athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence. + +"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell you. +Because after all it was your idea first." + +"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now he'll be +ahead of me." + +Solem knew how to get round that. + +"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go to the +village tomorrow." + +"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that." + +"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the Blue Peak +will be in all the papers." + +"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the matter. + +But Solem urged him on: + +"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about it." + +"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the lawyer. + +"We can go at dawn," said Solem. + +In the end they came to an agreement. + +"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me. + + * * * * * + +The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not in his +room, and not in the garden. + +"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I said. But it +transpired that the Dane had not even thought of climbing the Blue Peak +that day, and knew nothing whatever about the expedition. + +This surprised me greatly. + +I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the peak through +my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there was nothing to be +seen. It was five hours since the two men had left. + +At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in sweat and +exhausted. + +"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of guests. + +"What's happened?" somebody asked. + +"He fell off." + +How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we do? Rush +up the mountainside and look at the accident too? + +"Can't he walk?" somebody asked. + +"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us as though +to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. "He fell off; he +didn't want me to help him." + +A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway across the +field; she was going to the village to telephone for the doctor. + +"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish mountaineer. + +So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take brandy +and bandages to the site of the accident, and the Bergensians, the +Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went with him. + +"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak today?" I +asked the Dane. + +"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant to go, I +should certainly not have wanted company...." + +Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the stretcher. Solem +kept explaining all the way home how the accident had happened, what he +had said and what the lawyer had said, pointing to objects on the way as +though this stone represented the lawyer and that the abyss into which he +had plunged.... Solem still carried the rope he had not had a chance to +use. Miss Torsen asked no more than anyone else, and made purely +conventional comments: "I advised him against it, I begged him not to +go...." + +But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back to life. +Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was dead. The doctor +could do nothing here, and returned to his village. + +There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village to send a +telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did what we thought +decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the living room with books +in our hands. Now and again, some reference would be made to the accident: +it was a reminder, we said, how small we mortals were! And the Associate +Master, who had not the soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this +disaster would injure the resort and make things still more difficult for +Paul; people would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed. + +No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand the +Anglo-Saxon mind. + +Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him rather +than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to console us on this +mournful evening. + +And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of the men +from Bergen made a speech. + + + + +XXI + + +The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the city, and +Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the spot where it +had taken place. If the body had not been removed at once, they would have +written about that, too. + +Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish that Solem +should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest time, but must not +the business of the tourist resort go before all else? + +"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his work. A flock +of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, made him take them to +the mountains, to the river. A phrase was coined at the farm for Solem's +absences: + +"Solem's with death." + +But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in the very +midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he was an important +personage, listened to by strangers, doling out information. Nor did his +audience now consist of ladies only--indeed, no; this was something new, a +change; these were keen, alert gentlemen from the city. + +To me, Solem said: + +"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch on my nail +has grown out, isn't it?" + +He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it. + +The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not only about +the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the locality, and about +the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, with its wonderful +buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What a surprise to come here: +gargoyles, living room, piano, all the latest books, timber outside ready +for new jewels in their setting, altogether a magnificent picture of +Norway's modern farming. + +Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising. + +The English arrived. + +"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they asked. + +"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the farm. +"There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!" + +That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. So Solem +had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart away the hay, +but then the women had no one to help them rake. Confusion was rife. +Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither because there was no one to lead +them. + +The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving weather. As +soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, perhaps all the +hay. Oh, we should manage all right. + +More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. Their +perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had successfully +eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here without being caught. +There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against the sky! They hurried up so +fast that Solem was hardly able to keep pace with them. They would have +felt for ever disgraced if they had neglected to stand on this admirable +site of a disaster, this most excellent abyss. Some said it would be a +lifelong source of regret to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak +forthwith; others had no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, +and to shout down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out +on the ledge that they stood with their toes on death. + +But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort earned a +great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the furrows in his +face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong and active with good +fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who is not defiant in adversity +is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! Paul stopped drinking; he even +began to take an interest in the harvesting, and worked in the field in +Solem's place. If only he had begun when the weather was still slow and +patient! + +But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit again; he +only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters those outlying fields +from which they were used to getting half the hay; this year he would have +liked to keep it himself. But he had given his word, and there was nothing +to be done about it. + +Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could not even +stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three cartloads of fodder +were going to waste. + + * * * * * + +Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. The +newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying misfortunes, +the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. It had been an +intoxication; now came the morning after. + +The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his knapsack +and walked across the field like one of the villagers, caring no more for +the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in the last week had taught +him a lesson. + +And the tourists swarmed on to other places. + +"What harm have I done them," Paul probably +thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been +too much in the fields and too little with them? But I +greeted them humbly and took my man out of the +harvesting work to help them...." + +Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, sportsmen to +their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, cycling, and +football; they were going to be civil engineers--the young Norway. They, +too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of their ability; after all, +one must keep pace with modern life. But they were so young that when they +looked up at the peak, they were afraid. Solem had learned more than one +trick in tourist company; craftily he led them on, and then extorted money +from them in return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all +was well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a bloodstained +rag which he flung on the ground, saying, + +"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off." + +"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout. + +Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances. + +It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then rain again +for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was invisible, the +mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but rain. The roofs at the +Tore Peak resort began to leak more and more. + +The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and rotting, and the +stacks had gone moldy. + +The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. They had +carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs. + +The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left for home. +The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them walking in the +hills and telling them stories. The house is empty now. Associate Master +Höy and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they left last week, traveling +separately, though both were going to the same small town. + +He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while she crossed +the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is still here. + +Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever heard +anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your tongue. + +Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to the town +again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the winter, and +Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am simply longing. + +Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all sensible +Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the right road. The +papers are all writing about the splendid progress the tourist traffic has +made in Stordalen since the motor road was opened--ought I not to go there +and feel gratified? + +From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who are left; +Miss Torsen is still here. + +Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she does not +leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman Torsen, child +of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all through her formative +years, who has learned all about _Artemis cotula_, but undernourished +her soul. That is what she is doing here. + +I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with Englishmen, a young +sprout coming down from the mountain top with a bloodstained rag which he +threw on the ground, saying, "Here's what's left of your lawyer that fell +off!" Miss Torsen heard it, and never moved a muscle. No, she never +mourned the death of the lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote +off at once to ask another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to +be a swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't employed at +a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him when he came, and +said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for coming." So evidently +she had sent for him. But why did she not leave? Why did she seem to +strike root in the place, and even ask others to come here? Yet she had +been the first to want to leave last summer! There was something behind +this. + + + + +XXII + + +I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is somehow +connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem is still here. +How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl has been spoiled! I saw +her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, untouched, walking +intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying to his greeting. Did she +suspect him of complicity in the death of the lawyer and avoid him for +that reason? Not in the least; she avoided him less than before, even +letting him take her letters to the post office, which she had not done +previously. But she was unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her +bearings. Whenever she could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, +with dung; she sniffed at foulness and was not repelled. + +One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse that was +restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep red. But she +mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine: + +"Isn't that man leaving soon?" + +"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days." + +Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with a great +show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one to her. She +went away in silence. + +Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. Solem's +despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had inflamed, his +brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his looks--she sniffed at +all this and was excited by it. She had grown so unnatural that her sexual +needs were satisfied by keeping this man at a distance. The Torsen type no +doubt lies in her solitary bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in +another house a man lies writhing for her. + +But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. There was +nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the braggadocio of the +theater.... + + * * * * * + +Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question Solem about +the accident. We are alone together in the woodshed. + +Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak that +unfortunate Sunday morning? + +Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand. + +I repeated my question. + +Solem denied he had said any such thing. + +"I heard you," I said. + +"No, you didn't," he said. + +A pause. + +Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without shape, an +outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up again. When he was +on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to rights, we looked at each +other. I had no wish to speak to him further, and left him. Besides, he +was going away soon. + +After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out alone, aping +myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger +today!" And when this was done, I did other nothings, and when my money +began to run out, I wrote to my publisher, pretending I would soon send +him an unbelievably remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man +in love. These were the typical symptoms. + +And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of dwelling on +the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In that case I must have +concealed well in these pages that I never think of her except as an +object, as a theme; turn back the pages and you will see! At my age, one +does not fall in love without becoming grotesque, without making even the +Pharaohs laugh. + + * * * * * + +_Finis._ + +But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, and that is withdrawing to +my room, and sitting alone with the good darkness round me. This, after +all, is the last pleasure. + +An interlude: + +Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their footsteps and +their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of the evening, I cannot +see them. They stop outside my open window, leaning against it, and the +actor says something, asks her to do something she does not want to do, +tries to draw her with him; but she resists. + +Then he grows angry. + +"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly. + +And she begins to weep and says: + +"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at all. Why +can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you." + +Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I made my +presence known then because her weeping sounded so wretched; I moved a +chair and cleared my throat. + +The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, trying to +listen; but she said: + +"No, it was nothing...." + +But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the sound was. It +was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick with me; she had often +pretended that she thought I was not within hearing, and then created some +such delicate situation. Each time I had promised myself not to intervene; +but she had not wept before; now she wept. + +Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, the eyes +of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how well-behaved! +But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it from your hands! You +are so unnatural that in your seven and twentieth year, you walk +unmarried, barren and unopen! + +The pair drifted away. + +And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing into +solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. This is the +last pleasure. + +One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the company of +others and can endure only one's own, but because of their quality of +loftiness and religion. Strange how all things pass distantly, yet all is +near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must be God. It must be ourselves as a +part of all things. + + What would my heart, where would I stray? + Shall I leave the forest behind me? + It was my home but yesterday; + now toward the city I wend my way; + to the darkness of night I've resigned me. + + The world round me sleeps as I tarry, alone, + soothing my ear with its quiet. + How large and gray is the city of stone + in which the many all hopes enthrone! + Shall I, too, accept their fiat? + + Hark! Do the bells ring on the hillside? + + Back to the peace of the forest I turn + in the nightly hour that's hoarest. + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I yearn; + I shall rest my head on heather and fern, + and sleep in the depths of the forest. + + Hark, how the bells ring on the hillside! + +Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? Yes. + +It is the last happiness. + + + + +XXIII + + +The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than that: +imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, my friend, +whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. But I say there is +an imperial sun in the sky. + +It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for the woods +are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into being. A short time +ago they were not there, or I did not see them, or they had the earth's +own complexion. There is something unborn about them, like embryos in an +early stage. But if I whirl them about, they are miracles of fulfillment. + +Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close is the +poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible mushroom, and how +innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. What magnificent cunning! A +spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual vice itself, but preening in splendor +and brilliance, a very cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it +is good and soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. +Was it not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat. + +The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the cattle, but +they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells that they are +moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, sometimes sounding together +as though there were a meaning in it, a pattern of tones, a rapture. + +And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny flowers and +plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, wonderfully meek, with +tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless it, it's becoming a mother! +It has got caught in a dry twig and I liberate it. Life quivers within it; +the sun has warmed it today and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic +miracle. + +Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that passes +through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening. + +I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to rest, and +darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my feet feel their +way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the field, where it is a +little lighter. I walk on the hay that has been left outdoors; it is tough +and black, and I slip on it because it is already rotting. As I approach +the houses, bats fly noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A +slight shudder convulses me whenever they pass. + +Suddenly I stop. + +A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new house. He +has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but it is not the +little comedian himself. There he goes, into the house, right into the +house. It is Solem. + +"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the building, +in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. And Solem has just +gone in." + +I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, for after +all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes pass. He has not even +bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him clicking the key in the lock. +Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I hear nothing, nothing; a chair +scraping across the floor, that is all. + +"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; he may +overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? I--what for? +But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, take my word for it." + +Not a single cry. + +The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot go my way +and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A very thorough +business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it is almost dawn. It +occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps has killed her already; I +am alarmed and about to get up--when the key clicks in the lock again and +Solem emerges. He does not run, but walks back the way he came, down to +the veranda of my own house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it +hung before, and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been +naked under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all out. Now, +stark naked, he stalks to his room. + +What a man! + +I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What has +happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the lady is not +dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he goes to his room, +lights the lamp, and goes to bed. + +It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it at +once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her death and the +lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse others--the thief of last +winter, the man that stole the sides of bacon from a tradesman and sold me +rolls of tobacco out of his bag. No, I shall not keep silence about +anything then.... + + + + +XXIV + + +When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his breakfast, settled +his business with Paul and the women, and returned to his room. He was in +no hurry; though it was no longer early in the day, he took his time about +tying his bundles, preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the +windows of the south wing as he passed. + +Then Solem was gone. + +A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at once about +Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She had certainly +stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him time to leave; if she +wanted to see him she could have been here long ago. But was it not safest +to seem a little angry? Supposing, night owl that I was, that I had seen +something! + +"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly. + +"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied. + +"Lucky for him!" + +"Why?" asked Josephine. + +"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!" + +How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed down. Her +anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a scene; only she did +not walk proudly, as was her habit, but preferred to sit in silence. + +That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's departure, +and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took walks, she talked and +laughed with us, she made the actor swing her in the children's swing, as +in the lawyer's day.... + +I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness for +walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple of the +little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God and Goethe +and _über allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'_ that night. On my return, I was in +the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I undressed and went to bed in +the dark. + +Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady and the +actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; of that I was +sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had returned. There was +something she _wanted_ me to hear. + +Why should I listen to him still pleading with her? + +"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow." + +"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added suddenly; +"some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good +night." + +For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, settled man +though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the others! That's what +she's after! + +And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was Tradesman +Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she would give me a +kind word or a look that was quite out of the picture, and as unmistakable +as her pride would permit. No, she had no objections to seeing old age +wriggle. And listen to this: before this she had been intent to show a +well-behaved indifference to sex, but that was finished; was she not at +this moment resisting only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not +tonight, but some other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she was also +cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt. + +Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before his +pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too. + + * * * * * + +Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living room. The +lady and the actor read one book; I read another. + +"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?" + +"With pleasure." + +"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and fetch my +galoshes?" + +So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known popular +song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar way. + +She turned to me. + +"You seem silent." + +"Do I?" + +"Yes, you're very silent." + +"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book I held in +my hands. I read a longish bit. + +She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said impatiently: + +"What is this you want me to listen to?" + +"The _Musketeers_. You must admit it's entertaining." + +"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands and drag +them apart again. + +"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I replied, and +went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had written. They were only +a few poems--nothing special, just a few small verses. Not that I am in +the habit of reading such things aloud, but I seized on this for the +moment because I wanted to prevent her from humbling herself, and telling +me anything more. + +While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned. + +"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said. + +"No?" she replied absently. + +"No, I really looked everywhere, but...." + +She got up and left the room. + +He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a moment. Then it +occurred to him. + +"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he said, and +hurried after her. + +I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her face as +she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through me and my +pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no fool. I was the +fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman to despair. Some +practice the sport of making conquests and the sport of making love, +because they find it so agreeable; I have never practiced sport of any +kind. I have loved and raged and suffered and stormed according to my +nature--that is all; I am an old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the +shadow of evening, the shadow of the half-century. Let me have done! + +The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She had +turned him out; she had wept. + +I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her type. + +"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I shall leave +tomorrow." + +"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked. + +"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here they are,' +I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your nose,' I said. +'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So I went away." + +"She'll get over it." + +"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my opinion nobody +can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty sex, the women, a +mighty sex. They certainly are." + +He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went out again. + + * * * * * + +That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was there when +we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To the actor she was +very kind, quite making up for her petulance of the afternoon. + +When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a written note +folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he dropped everything he +was doing to unfold and read it. With an exclamation and a smile, his +blue, delighted eyes splashed over her; but she was looking down into her +lap with her forehead wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest +pocket. + +Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he tried to +cover it up somehow. + +"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to require +all his energy for the task of eating. + +Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking to him. He +had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she emerged from her +room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the good comedian could not +contain himself, but would surely let a third person into the secret? + +Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but he looked +very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have been a promise; +perhaps she would not tantalize him further. + + + + +XXV + + +A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel together, +and that would be the end. + +I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is stern. One +result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent for him in vain, nor +had he come in vain. + +That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to come--many more. + +She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; why be +niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that they lose +increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold back now? The +ground has been completely shifted: from half-measures to the immolation +of all virtue. The type is well-known, and can be found at resorts and +boarding-houses, where it grows and flourishes. + +In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or her +teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds herself in the +midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with quantities of tinned food +for her meals. The company round her is continually changing, tourists +come and go, and she passes from hand to hand for walks and talks; the +tone is "country informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life +stripped of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next room, +while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. In a short +time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, surfeited with herself +and the place. She is ready to go off with the next halfway respectable +organ grinder that happens along. And so she pairs off with the most +casual visitors, flirts with the guide, hovering about him and making +bandages for his fingers, and at last throws herself into the arms of a +nameless nobody who has arrived at the house today. + +This is the Torsen type. + +And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect the +fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the end of the +summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one in every corner. +But perhaps it consoles her to think that she knows the genitive of +_mensa_. + +Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked nothing, is +committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, nor anything +within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, nice. In fact he is +even something more of a man because he has really made a conquest. He has +no wish but to spend some pleasant hours with the Torsen type. + +He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once she was +visible through the doorway, and he called to her: + +"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the mountain!" + +"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied. + +He was impatient. + +"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that takes! +Ugh!" + +She measured him coldly and said: + +"You're very--familiar." + +If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been weeping and +gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and an hour's delay, +and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's manner changed at once, +and he replied docilely, as his nature was, + +"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!" + +Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally and swinging +his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of his knees, and the +unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was something unnatural about this +plumpness, as though it did not belong to his sex. + +His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His raincoat +hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, though it was not +raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But why speak harsh words about +a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, that had abused it, and it hung from +his shoulders as innocently as a bridal veil. + +Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is stern. +Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following scene will +take place: I stand here waiting only for this departure. So she gives me +her hand and says good-bye. + +"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright and easy +in her mind. + +"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your ways." + +"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the great +error of my ways! Well, really!" + +And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing on the firm +ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing like this: + +"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!" + +She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her head and +reply, pale and offended: + +"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you." + +But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, proud girl, +would have a lucid moment and see things in their true light: + +"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to keep? I am +thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I am seven and +twenty...." + +My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were somewhere +else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far away. + +"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss Torsen? I +must go now." + +"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you wait a few +minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. Good-bye, +good-bye." + +I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every nook and +corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good shelter. From here I +shall see when these two leave. She has only to say good-bye now to the +people of the farm. + +It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We spoke +only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and today I have not +spoken to her.... + +Here they come. + +Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; though they +walked separately up the mountain track, yet they belonged together. They +did not speak; the essential things had probably already been said. Life +had grown ordinary for them; it still remained to them to be of use to +each other. He walked first, while she followed many paces behind; it was +lonely to look at against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had +her tall figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. They each +carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably because, owing to +the greater number of her clothes, hers was the heavier sack. Thus had +they shifted their burdens; what burdens would they carry in the future? +She was, after all, no longer a schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no +longer with the theater or the films. + +I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare ground, with +not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far away near the ridge +murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put their possessions together, +were walking together; at the next halt they would be man and wife, and +take only one room because it was cheaper. + +Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human sympathy--nay, +of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, say a word of +warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few minutes--a good +deed, a duty.... + +They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill. + +Her name was Ingeborg. + + + + +XXVI + + +And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the Tore Peak +farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it snowed for the first +time--wet, sad snow. + +It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have played the +piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now I am leaving, +too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be cheerful for; things +have gone badly this year, and may grow worse as time goes on. The +prospect is not a good one. "But something will turn up," says Josephine. +She need not worry, for she has money in the bank, and no doubt there is a +young man in the offing, on the other side of the fjeld. + +Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. The other +day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. The friend could +not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had expected money, but it +hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer because of his private +affairs. That was all very well, but when would the bill be paid? Why, he +would send it from the town, of course; that was where he had his money! + +"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," said +Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I didn't like +the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as good as anybody, and +throwing his stick up in the air and catching it again. And then when Miss +Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told her, and I wondered if she couldn't +let me have the money for him. Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't +he paid himself?' 'No,' I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad +one, we need every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should +get the money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could trust her +for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money all right, if not +from him. I daresay she'll send it herself...." + +And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner. + +Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very steady, but +at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes no interest in +things; he does little more than feeding the horses and chopping some +wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of the summer cow houses for +autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, and probably it will not be done +at all. So far it hasn't mattered, but this morning's first wet snow has +covered the hay outdoors and the maltreated land. And so it will remain +till next spring. Poor Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he +pushes doggedly on against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, +knowing how useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile. + +His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on his +threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in memories, for he +has ninety years behind him. The many houses on the farm confuse him a +little; the roofs are all too big for him, and he is afraid they might +come down and carry him off. Once he asked Josephine if it was right that +his hands and fingers should run away from him every day across the +fields. So they put mittens on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in +fact he ate everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they +must be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about. + + * * * * * + +I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the way I had +come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It is fitting that I +should go back, always back, never forward again. + +I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then the +Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between a human +being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat wall, and a +paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age dwelling. Olga was +kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it +pained me to watch her flit about the room, tiny and crooked, as she +looked for a pair of reindeer cheeses for me. + +Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so many lonely +months. I did not enter it. + +Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. But I shall +skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not entering. This +morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the mouse I left here last +spring; but tonight I am taking it out again because I am no longer in the +mood, and because there is no point in it. Perhaps it would have amused +you to read it, my friend; but there is no point in amusing you now. I +must deject you now and make you listen to me; there is not much more to +hear. + +Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to you, then +I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into what is distant; +you do not, for this is something you cannot learn from your little +schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for me. I shall be merry +again with you later, when my strings are tuned to merriment. I have no +power over them. Now they are tuned to a chorale.... + + * * * * * + +At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on quickly in +order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I must have started +too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I shall reach the village +at high noon. What am I chasing after? Perhaps it is feeling the nearness +of the sea that drives me forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, +with the glitter and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts +through me like a greeting from another world. "_Thalatta!_" I cry; +and I wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless and +fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend the ridge as +though in a trance and reach the first house. + +There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window suddenly +disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though only the barn was +of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's home. As I entered the +house, I saw that though it was as poor within as without, the floor was +clean and covered with pine twigs. There were many children here. The +mother was busy cooking something over the fire. + +I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a couple of +small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, the woman said: + +"I expect you want a boat?" + +"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my last visit; +I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles from the sea. +"Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?" + +"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she replied, +"because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over lots of people +this year." + +Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have completely +altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten months ago. + +"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked. + +"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or there's Eilert +and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go there; they've got big +houses." + +She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to the +shore, and I proceeded thither. + + + + +XXVII + + +A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, displayed a +new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as usual, was a peat +hut. + +As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had stopped to +consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward me. Ah, well, the +world is a small place; we meet friends and acquaintances everywhere. Here +am I, meeting an old acquaintance, the thief of last winter, the pork +thief. What luck, what a satisfaction! + +This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now. + +At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that up. Once +he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in style: + +"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most welcome under +my humble roof, and such it is!" + +My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still collecting my +thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he explained that since the +motor traffic had started in Stordalen, many visitors came through this +way, and sometimes they wanted to stop over at his house before being +rowed across to the steamer. They always came down in the evenings, and it +might be fine, or it might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He +had therefore had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't +expect people to spend the night outdoors. + +"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said. + +"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to give +shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel there is to it. +My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if he builds a place +that's ten times as big. Look over there--now he's building another +house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got three grown men working on it so +he can get it done by next summer. But it won't be much bigger than my +place at that, and anyhow, the gentry don't want to be bothered walking +all that distance to his place when here's my house right at the car stop. +And besides it was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have +wanted to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make himself any +different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits of canvas and rugs +and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to sleep there. But I'd +never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a storehouse for fodder and hay +for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my mentioning it! But of course if +you've no shame in you and don't know how to behave in company--" + +"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down the road to +his place!" + +We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all the way, and +assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a good-for-nothing for +copying him as he did. + +If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have passed by +Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, though I may not have +appeared so. It cannot be helped. + +"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. "They're +gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through Stordalen, and they +had to walk because the cars have stopped for the season. They've been in +my house for quite some days, and I think they'll be staying on a while +yet. I think they're out now, but of course it means I can't let you have +my best room." + +I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through me--no, of +course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was a fresh surprise. +What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the door, there was the +actor, too--standing there looking at me: the actor from the Tore Peak +resort. It was his knees, his coat, and his stick. So I was right--I +_had_ recognized her face at an upper window. Yes, indeed, the world +is small. + +The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice to see me +again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking himself in liquor, +he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul seemed to think the whole +inn was an aquarium and we visitors the goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I +wish we were, I must say!--Well, Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock +for supper? Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been +here several days; we want to stay and get a good rest." + +As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft and +addressed the actor: + +"The missis wants you to come right upstairs." + +"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be stopping here, +too, I expect?" + +He hurried up the stairs. + +Eilert and I followed to my room. + + * * * * * + +As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He had a great +deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not unwilling to listen to +him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a fine fellow with four ragged, +magnificent youngsters by his first wife, who had died two years before, +and another child by his second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told +me this, the yarn about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had +spun for me last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the +message from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And +she, too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again. + +It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you tell me +about your family. + +No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been full of an +obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. Probably a mere +coincidence, but that did not detract from my satisfactory state of mind; +I was pleased with everything, and all things added to my cheerful frame +of mind. There were some pigs by the barn, very affectionate pigs, because +they were used to the children playing with them and kissing them and +riding on their backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of +course, standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming their +own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to the best of +their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just beneath the sunset, +began the great road that winds up through the woods and the valley. There +is something of the friendliness of a living being about such a forest +road. + +Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went with him. +Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; but he had promised +the gentry from the city some fish, and fish was one of the gifts of God. +Besides, if he lacked meat, he could always slaughter one of the pigs. + +There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert said, as +long as there was not too much of it. + +"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; "the +bigger the wind, the stronger the current." + +At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of Eilert's +French words: _travali, prekevary, sutinary, mankémang_, and many +others. They've had a long way to travel, coming here by ancient routes +via Bergen, and now they're common property. + +And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt extremely +ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock. + +"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore for a +while." + +But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and the sea +rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert. + +The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there was +entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An inner +exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained it. But I had +experienced no emotional excitement. + +We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising fast!" +cried Eilert, rowing with all his might. + +I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would manage by +himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that they could see me +from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. Eilert's wife might see +me and laugh at me. + +What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to put my head +over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a moment's relief, and +then it began all over again. Charming! I felt as though I were in labor; +the wrong way up, of course, through my throat, but it was a delivery +nonetheless. It moved up, then stopped, came on again and stopped, came on +and stopped once more. It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; +I had never felt anything like it before; it was not something I was born +with. All my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump of +steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, thank heaven, +my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed inside the islands that +served as a breakwater, and I was saved. + +Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, imitating my +own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. And I assured Eilert, +too, that this was the first time I had ever been seasick, so that he +should understand it was nothing to gossip about. After all, he had not +heard about the great seas I had sailed without the slightest discomfort; +once I had been four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the +passengers in bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me! + +"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert. + +That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had not +brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire to come +down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread and butter and +milk to be sent up. + + + + +XXVIII + + +Next morning they had gone. + +Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard them +perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of the plump +thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She hushed him, and +her voice sounded angry. + +Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some minutes, +negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had changed their +minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they went down to the boat, +Eilert with them. I could see them through the window, chilled by the cold +of early morning and short-tempered with each other. There had been a +frost during the night; ice lay on the water in the buckets, and the +ground was harsh to walk on. Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy +morning, with the sea still running rather high. There they go with their +knapsacks on their backs; she is still wearing her red hat. + +Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending to sleep +till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except myself. I could +not see the boat from my bed, so I got up again--just to while the time +away--to see how far they had gone. Not very far, though both men were +rowing. A little later I got up and looked again--oh, yes, they were +getting on. I took up my post by the window. It was really quite +interesting to watch the boat getting smaller and smaller; finally I +opened the window, even looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet +quite light, I could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed and +went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, Regine, was +up. How calmly and naturally she took everything! + +"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her. + +"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till after +they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose they're going? +Haddock fishing?" + +"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're leaving, all +right. They had their knapsacks on their backs." + +"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not a thing! +And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, neither!" + +I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that coffee was +nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup-- + +Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such foolishness was to +shake my head and go away. One must take the sensible view. How was it +possible to understand such behavior? Nevertheless I, the undersigned, +should have gone on to Olaus yesterday, instead of going fishing. That +would have been still more sensible. What business had I at this house? +Very likely she found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this +was why she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack. + +Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't matter. As +long as one has a reason to go away. + + * * * * * + +Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he came up +the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He was in a +furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it on him--no, +they'd just better not. + +Of course it was the bill again. + +"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I thought to +myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it as nonchalantly +as it should be taken. There are worse things." + +But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had driven them +away without their clothes; perhaps they had really expected some money to +be sent here--who knows? + +I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? "Good +heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to them at once +with their clothes!" + +But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had arrived +just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very moment. + +Well, there was no help for it. + +"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes next +Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again." + +I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. Why couldn't +he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular one? + +Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him the other +one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so good as this +one. And I should remember that the money the missis had paid him hadn't +covered more than the bill for one of them. So it was only reasonable that +he should take the fullest knapsack. As a matter of fact, he had behaved +very well, and that was the truth. Because when she gave him the larger +knapsack, and wrote the address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, +and said not another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on +him--they'd better not, or he'd know the reason why! + +Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky. + +When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he was not so +lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been brooding and +speculating ever since last summer, when the motor traffic started, and +did I think it would be a good idea for him to hire three grown men, too, +and build a much bigger house than Olaus's? + +So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian disease! + +The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her clothes; I +recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I hardly looked at them, +of course; just unpacked them, folded them neatly, and put them back in +the bag again; because no doubt Eilert had had them all out in a heap. +This was really my only reason for unpacking them. + + + + +XXIX + + +Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this year. + +They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the trading station +for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment through the valley to +order a car to meet them. Stordalen, Stordalen, they said. So they had +apparently not yet seen Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once. + +And what a sensation they made! + +They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could hear them a +long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the others. Eilert +dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to the landing place in +order to be the first on the spot. From Olaus's house, too, a man and a +few half-grown boys went down, and from all the houses round swarmed +curious and helpful crowds. There were so many spectators at the landing +place that the old man with the loud voice drew himself up to his full +height in the boat and majestically shouted his English at us, as though +his language must of course be ours as well: + +"Where's the car? Bring the car down!" + +Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his two boys +up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the Englishmen had +arrived. + +They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not understand +why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the meaning of this?" +There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. As they came up past +Eilert's house, they looked at their watches and swore because so many +minutes were being wasted. Where the devil was the car? The populace +followed at some distance, gazing with reverence on these dressed-up +fools. + +I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud voice--who +wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green canvas with braid +and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets all over it. What a man, +what a power! His beard, streaming out from under his nose like the +northern lights, was greenish-white, and he swore like a madman. Another +of the party was tall and bent, a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, +stupendous, with sloping shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly +arched eyebrows; he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I +measured him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth was +tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept him on the +move. + +"Stordalen!" he cried. + +England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. She +desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not other +countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a couple of +generations be converted to pederasty.... + +Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and everyone +raced to meet it. + +Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in meeting the +car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; were they not to +get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in the back seat for their +return journey and thus enjoyed the drive of a lifetime; but money! They +had acquired enough brazenness in the course of the summer not to +hesitate, and approached the loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms +and clamoring: "Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the +car forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best by +driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the horn, and a +rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay! + +The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious visitors. +Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear comparison with them! +"Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" "And did you see the other +one, the one with the skirts and the northern lights?" + +But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus family, had +more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the first time understood +what he had read in the paper so many times, that the Norwegian elementary +school is a worthless institution because it does not teach English to the +children of the lower orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip +merely because they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman +with the northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just wait!" They +had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for tires.... + + * * * * * + +I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I do so is +that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count her clothes to +make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake not to have done so at +once. + +It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and thinking about +them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is now evident that I was +right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him going upstairs, and when I +came in, he was turning out the bag and going through the clothes. + +"What are you doing?" I said. + +At first he tried to brazen it out. + +"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him was so +much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I wronged him, he +complained, and exploited him: + +"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got more for +them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still wanted more, like +the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. That was Eilert. Yet he +was not too bad; he had never been any better, and he certainly had grown +no worse with his new livelihood. + +May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood! + +So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in order to take +better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy everything up for the +second time, but it had to be done. Later that evening I would resume my +journey, taking the knapsack with me. I had done with the place, and the +nights were moonlit again. + +Enough of these clothes! + + + + +XXX + + +Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty years ago I +walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, snowy roads, on bare, +frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the hunt for love. How well I +remember it! But it is no longer the same moonlight. I could even read by +it the letter she gave me. But there are no such letters any more. + +Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk abroad on an +errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go across to the trading +center and dispatch a knapsack by the steamer; after that I shall wander +on. And that requires nothing but a little ordinary training in walking, +and the light of the moon to see by. But in those old days, those young +days, we studied the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a +moon on Twelfth Night, for we could use it then. + +Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the teller. + +They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: deeper +pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you have read +right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a self-interest +that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten when he stood on the +summit, forgotten his own self, his own _alias_, red and white, +blowing a golden horn. Now he stands no longer--no, he sits--it is less of +a strain to sit. But now there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and +stupid, the honor of old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man +on his feet can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But +honor is meant to be used, not to be sat with. + +Let sitting men wear warm stockings. + + * * * * * + +What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days of the +golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for the night; but +where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm her breath was, coming +between lips a little parted! She will come again, of course; let us wait, +we have plenty of time, another twenty years--oh, yes, she will come.... + +I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon the +honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that a barn is a +gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a barn for thee! + +No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies. + +And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn. + +Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is fitting that +I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in a huddle, small and +invisible. Anything else you please, as long as you don't flaunt your +selfishness and your rags! + +I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's knapsack full +of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is just the right size. +But sleep will not come; there are only thoughts and dreams and lines of +poetry and sentimentality. The sack smells human, and I fling it away, +laying my head on my arm. My arm smells of wood--not even wood. + +But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? And I +scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart tomorrow. Just a +line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a softness in the letters, a +womanliness--I don't know. + +It doesn't matter. + +I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is up and +about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet of wrapping +paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and seal it and write +on the outside. There! + +Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it inside, I mean. +Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As I continue on my way, +I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt because the knapsack was +quite heavy after all, and now I am well rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I +think suddenly. And as I walk on I think irrelevantly: "The last country, +the last island, the last pleasure...." + + + + +XXXI + + +What now? + +I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer behind +me--no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no difference where I +stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought I might as well go +there--why not? A man cannot forever sit by the sea, and it is not +necessary to misunderstand him if he decides to leave it. So he leaves +his solitude--others have done so before him--and a mild curiosity drives +him to see the ships and the horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a +certain town. When he arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness +if he does not know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. +The moonlight is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a certain +address to visit evening after evening, and to take up his post there as +though something depended on it. He is not expected anywhere else, so he +has the time. Then one evening someone finds him reading under a lamppost, +stops suddenly and stares, takes a few steps toward him, and bends +forward searchingly. + +"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--" + +"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen." + +"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. Yes, thank +you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I understood all at once--I +quite understand--" + +"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!" + +"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to come up, +would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't." + +"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. Unless you're +cold?" I suggested. + +"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to." + +We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out walking. +There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole evening +undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all through a cold +autumn month. + +Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, some of it +only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; sometimes with her head +deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a question, replying by a brief word +or a shake of the head. I write it down from memory; it was important to +her, and it became important for others as well. + +Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we struggle? +In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs and letters and +think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" There are others about +whom nothing at all will be written or read; life will close over them +like a grave. Either way.... + +What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had been +unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the universe; +everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. Then she heard a +man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered Blakka yet?" That was +_his_ preoccupation. So she was not the center of the universe after +all. + +Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on their tour. +The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked across fields, and +through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, and water from the +brooks. If they met other travelers, they greeted them, or they did not +greet them; no one was less a center of attention than they, and no one +more. Her companion walked in vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he +went. + +At one place they stopped for food. + +"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said. + +She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for the time +being" all the way. + +"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. Perhaps we +can get a loan further down the valley." + +"I don't borrow." + +"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper. + +"What is it?" + +"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?" + +"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up. + +"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the visitors' book." + +She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and wife; that +was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. But she had been +very foolish to agree to it. + +"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered. + +And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and took her +knapsack on her back. + +They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both without +discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It grew to be a +habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end of the valley by the +sea, and here she revolted again. + +"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any more!" + +The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they saved +money by it, she replied that she for her part required no more than one +room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked again, whimpered, +"Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his back was bent. + +She ate alone that evening. + +"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the house. + +"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied. + +There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be interested in the +roof, in the style of building, and walked round looking at it, pursing +his lips and whistling. But she could see perfectly well from the window +that his face was blue and dejected. When she had eaten, she walked down +to the shore, calling as she passed him: + +"Go in and eat!" + +But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and slept +under no roof that night. + +It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last next +morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, everything +slipped back again to where it had been. + +They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail boat, when one +evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew him, and he knew them +both; she was thrown into a state of the greatest excitement, made ready +to leave at once, wept and beat her breast, and wanted to go home, +immediately, at once. It ended as such things usually end: when she had +calmed down, she went to bed for the night. She was not the center of the +universe, and the old acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did +not appear to be looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of +flight early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did. + +Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had leisure to +think things over calmly. She now broke with her companion in earnest. She +had a minor disagreement with him again, for he had no ticket, and one +word gave rise to the next. It was all very well for her, he said; she had +her return ticket in her pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved +in all these trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, +and was she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him her +purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was probably +enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of him. + +"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," he said, +and left her. + +She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She was in a +bad way now, so very different from what she had once thought; what shame, +what utter futility she had wandered into! She brooded till she was worn +out; then she began to listen to what people about her were saying. Two +men were huddled on benches trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one +of them say he was a schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. +The schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the bench. + +It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the wind. The +artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had a berth, but +when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He was on the point of +lighting his pipe, but stopped. + +"Go on, don't mind me," she said. + +So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her face. + +He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick reddish hair +under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his forehead. His chest was +broad and flat, but his back was round and his hands massive. A great +horse. + +Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had evidently +been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let the food stand. + +"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?" + +"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking plenty of +time over it; then sat still again. + +"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said. + +"Oh--haven't you come far?" + +"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?" + +"From the town. I've been on holiday." + +"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head. + +"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added. + +"The Tore Peak? So." + +"Do you know it?" + +"No, but I know some of the people there." + +A pause. + +"Josephine's there," he resumed. + +"Yes. Do you know her?" + +"Oh, no." + +They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat there talking; +it was all they had to do. She asked where he came from and what his trade +was, and it seemed he was nothing important, only a paltry carpenter, and +his mother had a small farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee? + +"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a little in +the saucer?" + +She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a bite of food +as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she had finished, she +thanked him for that, too. + +"Haven't you a berth?" he asked. + +"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll be sick." + +"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--" + +With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She watched his +back disappearing down the companion to the lower deck. + +She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might come and +take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized sandwich with the +carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; this sheltered corner +seemed to her like a tiny foothold in life. + +There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole tray in his +big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for walking so carefully. + +She threw up her hands and overdid things a little: + +"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!" + +"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--" + +They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back half-dozing. +Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter lighting his pipe; +he struck two or three matches at once, but he was in no hurry; they were +always half burned before he put his pipe in his mouth and began to suck +at it. The schoolmaster called something to him, drew his attention to +something far inland, but the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing. + +"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought. + +At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he had been +below in the cabin. + +"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked. + +She did not reply. + +The carpenter looked from one to the other. + +"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion playfully. He stood +waiting a moment, and finally went away. + +"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," he was +thinking. + +"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up. + +"Oh, I'll be there some time." + +"What are you doing there?" + +He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she could see +at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his elbows on his +knees before he replied. + +"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, maybe. It +all depends." + +"Oh, I see." + +"What do you think of it?" he asked. + +"I think it's a good idea." + +"Do you?" + +They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward evening it +turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff with sitting, she +got up and stamped her feet, and when she had stamped till she was tired, +she sat down again. Once when she was standing a little distance away, she +saw the carpenter place a parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat +for her. + +Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, the wind +blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried: + +"Ingeborg, go below, will you!" + +"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship heeled over +on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to take a few skips to +keep her balance. + +"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do you hear? I +mean it, by all that's holy!" + +"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared. + +At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and sandwiches +again. + +"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said. + +He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if she thought +it was good enough. + +"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you someone to go +to?" + +"Oh, yes, I have a sister." + +Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it over, +looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When he had +finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had finished that one, +too, he said: + +"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, I'd better +learn something. And what with the farm as well--" + +"Yes, indeed." + +"You think so too?" + +"Oh, yes. I think so." + +Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private affairs of +her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got up. + +As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and said: + +"My name is Nikolai." + +"Oh, yes?" + +"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the town's +too big--" + +"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your kindness. +Good-bye." + + + + +XXXII + + +I ask Miss Torsen: + +"Have you met the carpenter since?" + +"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him because he's +a sort of mutual acquaintance." + +"Acquaintance?" + +"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens to be the +brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the Tore Peak farm +last summer." + +"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same family." + +"And that's why I've told you all this about him." + +"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, did you? So +you must have met him since." + +"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but not to +speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so on. Then he +said he was her brother." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"It was just in passing, quite by accident." + +This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of things are +accidental! It was an accident that I should have stopped under a +particular lamppost to look up something, to read a few lines. And then +you happened to live there." + +"That's right." + +"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I said. + +"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone." + +"No?" + +"You have to be pretty naïve to marry." + +"Well, I don't know that being naïve does any harm--being not quite so +clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being cheated. +Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever enough." + +"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect you +against being cheated. What else would it do?" + +"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness so much +that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from bad to worse, +because why should we worry? After all we've got our cleverness to help +get us out of the mess!" + +"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!" + +"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last summer, +you know." + +"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I came back +to town again it was as though--" + +A pause. + +"I don't know what to think," she said. + +"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the old days +people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary schools and the +right to vote; they lived their lives on a different plane, they were +naïve. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty good way to live. Of course people +were cheated in those days, too, but they didn't smart under it so; they +bore it with greater natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance." + +"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of course that's +all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We can't change the +times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up with the times." + +"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it used to +say so in the _Neue Freie Presse_. But a person with character goes +his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a different way." + +"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she said, +stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the day." + +"Do you?" I said. + +"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good thing?" + +"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?" + +"Ha, ha!" + +"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!" + +"Oh, I don't know." + +"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first you have +to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or possibly a +pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass through." + +"His valley? Whose valley?" + +"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the housekeeping +you're going to need from her." + +"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, "you're quite +on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't anybody." + +"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody." + +"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want." + +"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and handsome +enough and capable enough." + +"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good night." + +Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, almost at a +run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said more, to have been +wise and circumstantial and made useful suggestions, but I was left +standing in a kind of stupid surprise. + +Then something happened. + +"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the next time +we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a short walk? I was +just--" + +"Going to post a letter, I see." + +"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--" + +We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently an +advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation. + +As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She turned a deep +red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two stone steps leading +from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to her chest, as though she +were looking very carefully at the steps before venturing to come down +them. They greeted each other again; the stranger shook her hand, and they +began to talk. + +He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair beard, and +dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. He wore a top +hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with silk. + +I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which they had +enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had been quite a +party, first out driving, then at supper together. It was a memory they +had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She seemed a little +embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to look at the illustrated +papers displayed in the window, when suddenly the thought struck me: "Good +God, she's in love!" + +"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed something, +agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he left her. + +She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about some of the +pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" But she gazed at +them without seeing anything. Silently we walked on, and for several +minutes, at least, she said nothing. + +"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally. + +"Is that who it was?" I asked. + +"His name's Flaten." + +"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is he?" + +"His father's a merchant." + +"But he himself?" + +"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know." + +"Yes, but what about _him_; what does he do?" + +"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His father's +so rich, you know." + +I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid countryman's +shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of horses, while the owners +were busy making purchases in the shop. + +"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws money +about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all whisper, 'That's +Flaten!'" + +"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said. + +"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses well--always has." + +"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly. + +She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod: + +"Yes." + +"What--that dandy?" + +"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, spent a lot of +time together. It's really based on a firm foundation. He's the only man +I've ever been in love with in all my life, and it's lasted many years. +Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget him, but the moment I see him again, I'm +as much in love as ever. I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but +that doesn't change it. It's queer." + +"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and asked nothing +more. + +When we parted, I said: + +"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?" + +"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near there, and I +can show you if you like. What do you want to see him for?" + +"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a competent +master." + + * * * * * + +Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? Yet I have +visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in stature, strong and +plain-featured, a man of few words. Last Saturday we saw the town +together; why, I don't know, but I suggested it myself. + +I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the weather +was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very little now; she +had changed so much since returning to the town. She had become more the +ordinary type of girl, not in any one thing, but in general. She thought +of nothing but vanities and nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten +her last summer's wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at +school again, in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and +this occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence. + +"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going to school +again; I've been going to school ever since I was a child. I'm no good at +anything else. I can only learn--that's what I'm used to. There isn't much +I can think or do on my own, and I don't enjoy it either. So what do you +expect?" + +No, what could I expect? + +Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised at +anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics on +horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I thought tigers +were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head seemed preoccupied with +other thoughts, and he paid little attention to the women riders who were +doing their tricks. + +On the way home he said: + +"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the _Krone_ +with me tomorrow evening?" + +"The _Krone_--what's that?" + +"It's a place where they dance." + +"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much like +dancing?" + +"No, not much." + +"You want to see what goes on there?" + +"Yes." + +"All right, I'll go." + + * * * * * + +It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, that the +carpenter and I went to the dance. + +He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch chain. +But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well in anything. +He had such remarkable strength that it was never necessary for him to +give way; this had lent him assurance and authority. If you spoke to him, +he was slow to reply, and if you slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow +in turning round to see who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, +good-humored companion. + +We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the window was +closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the hall was let to a +private club for the first two hours of the evening. + +A few young people came along as we were standing there, read the notice, +and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, looked round, and +went in through the gate as though looking for someone. + +"We can't do anything about it," I called after him. + +"No," he said. "But I wonder--?" + +He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows. + +A man came down the stairs. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter still showed +no inclination to return from the yard. + +The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He explained, like +the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the first two hours. + +"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion. + +But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while waiting for +him. + +"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but just the same +they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you see." + +They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they danced as +though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, well, young +people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening at home; they wanted +to work off the week's idleness in two hours, so they danced. Not unusual, +really. + +"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two hours than +in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal people--they don't count +the pennies. And yet there's no wear and tear, because of course people +like that don't dance on their heels." + +The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to us. + +"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?" + +"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. "It's a +private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for instance, I don't even +know who they are. The money just came by special messenger." + +"It's Flaten," said the carpenter. + +"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know it. "Mr. +Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always in fashionable +company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, I must have another +look round the hall--" + +The landlord left us. + +But the carpenter followed him. + +"Couldn't we look on?" he asked. + +"What, at the dancing? Oh, no." + +"In a corner somewhere?" + +"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and daughter +in--nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it." + +"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last time. + +"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back. + +"So you knew about this party?" I said. + +"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday." + +"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?" + +"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery." + +We walked on down the street, each busy with his own thoughts--or perhaps +with the same thought. I, at least, was furious. + +"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to buy +tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!" + +"No." + +Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It was +preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like a third +party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? A thought +struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I could: + +"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say anything +about that?" + +"No," he replied. + +"Didn't she say anything about me?" + +"No." + +"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to lie!" I was +highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out of the carpenter. + +Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the _Krone_. Nikolai turned +and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept straight on, he +hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard him once sighing heavily. + + +We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made myself +agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer together, then +went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting gallery. Finally we went to +a skittle ground, where we stayed for some time. Nikolai was the first to +want to leave; he looked at his watch, and was suddenly in a tearing +hurry. He was hardly even willing to finish the game. + +We had to pass the _Krone_ again. The cars had gone. + +"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very disappointed. I +believe he would have liked to be present when the party came out to enter +their cars. He looked up and down the empty street and repeated, "Just as +I thought!" He was suddenly anxious to go home. + +"No, let's go inside," I said. + + * * * * * + +It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, and a +throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery looking on. + +There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, shop +assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently seamstresses, +servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of light-footed damsels +who had no daytime occupation. The floor was crowded with dancers. In +addition to a constable whose duty it was to intervene if necessity arose, +the establishment had its own commissionaire, who walked about the hall +with a stick, keeping an eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance +was finished, the gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten +_öre_. If anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire +would tap him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and might, as a +last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably maintained. + +Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed a man who +was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping once--tall, swarthy, +lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered round him. + +"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I thought. + +"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai. + +"Oh, no," he replied with a smile. + +"Then we can leave any time you like." + +"All right," he said and remained seated. + +"Your thoughts seem to be far away." + +A long pause. + +"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to carry all the +manure and the wood myself." + +"So that's why you're so strong." + +"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the winter." + +"Yes, of course you will." + +"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent. + +"Yes?" + +"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with me this +winter, though--I've got a small spare room." + +"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea. + +"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter. + +Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, there he +was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore Peak. He was +standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he was Solem--"Solem, my +lad." He appeared not to be in the company of any one lady, for I saw him +choosing partners indiscriminately. Then he chose the wrong lady, and her +partner shook his head and said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the +couple to dance the next dance, and when it was finished, approached again +and bowed to the lady. Once more he was refused. + +The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, who could +tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without trimming. How +quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, but what a gentle +one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that of a repentant sinner. +Peerless! + +This was a woman for Solem. + +It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman that he +began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my lad." But his +boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he would show them an +image of sin! There was no sting in it; just old, familiar rubbish these +people had heard before. The commissionaire crossed over to him and asked +him to be quiet, pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. +This pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself said: +"Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of the Grecian +and her partner. + +He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other partners to +dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the late-comers having by this +time arrived. Many were crowded off the floor and had to wait, rushing to +get first place in the next dance instead. + +Then something happened. + +A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he was getting +up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and her partner, both +of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely clumsy as he rose that his +long arms and legs brought down a third couple. In a few minutes there was +a squirming heap on the floor; screams and oaths were heard, people grew +angry and kicked one another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster +with sincere and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them with his +stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself assisted him, and +the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting with the better part of +valor, slipped out of the room and did not return. + +Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing their shins, +dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others swearing. The Grecian +lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his temple, and put his hands to +his head in a daze. Questions were being asked about that--what was his +name?--that tall fellow who had started all the trouble. "Solem," said +some of the ladies. Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. +"Go and find him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," +said the ladies. + +Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him! + +But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from the floor +clung to her black dress, making it look as though spangled with stardust. +Submissively she accepted the lot of lying under all the others, entwined +in their legs, and smiled when someone pointed out to her that the comb in +her Grecian knot was crushed. + + + + +XXXIII + + +Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the snowplow at +home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years ago. + +Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. I sit in +the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been observant, he +would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, my absurdity +augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he was a child. In the +end I left it all behind me, and took my proper seat. My address is the +chimney corner. + +Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and Anglo-Saxon claptrap +in the town. This is my desolate period; my wheels stop, my hair stops +growing, my nails stop growing, everything stops growing but the days of +my life. And it is well that my days increase--from now on it is well. + +Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has got an +overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really need it, he +says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; and it was dear, +twenty _kroner_, but he got it for eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is +much happier about his overcoat than Flaten is about his. + +But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. His +friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of bachelordom, +for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told me this; I met her by +accident again under her own lamppost, and she told me then. + +"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said. + +"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a long time. +Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't know." + +"I think you've hit the truth there." + +She looked startled. + +"What do you mean?" + +"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were straight and +competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you wanted. What's happened +to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no longer reason to be bitter?" + +This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and meant well. + +She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said something +very sensible: + +"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you things exactly +as they were. I lost my post, which was a very serious matter. This made +me reflect for a time; that's true. But then--I don't know--I'm quite +adult, but not adult enough. I have two sisters who are really steady; +they're married and quite settled, though they're younger than I. I don't +know what's wrong with me." + +"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked. + +"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it." + +A pause. + +"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. "It might +have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you about the dinner +party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they thought of!" + +She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a great many +pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too bad. First they +had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of all, Flaten was sent +an invitation, of course, and it consisted of a painting, a very +emancipated painting in a frame, the only written words being the date and +the place, and the legend: _Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, +Bacchanales_. Then there were speeches for him who was about to leave +them, and generally speaking a most deafening shouting over the +wineglasses. And there was music, with someone of the company playing all +the time. + +But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, and girls +with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As there had been a +great deal of champagne, however, this part of the program tended to +deteriorate into something different, and the girls had to be sent away. +Then the gentlemen went down to the hotel lobby and stood at the door +watching for "opportunities." + +There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of clothes. +Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent forward over +the child to shelter it as she walked. + +"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your child!" + +"Yes, he's mine." + +"What, a boy?" + +"Yes." + +They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a servant +girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, who were both +short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected it carefully. + +"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says. + +"No," says the girl in confusion. + +That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first one +admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it over the +girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin and made it +smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and dirt all in one +little bundle. + +"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!" + +"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," they said. +"Where do you live?" to the girl. + +"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"_Have_ lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of them said, +taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and a great deal of +money was pushed into the girl's hand. + +"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her such a nasty +question," said the first of them. + +"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same thing, +but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a maiden!" + +A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then Bengt hailed +a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after her. + +"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the driver. + +Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. The group +were rather silent after this. + +"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about the money?" + + +"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old woman!" + +They grew cheerful again, and there were further "opportunities." A +peasant came down the street with a cow he was taking to the butcher's. + +"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your cow?" young +Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his head. So they bought +the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a minute," they said to the +peasant. Then they put a label on the cow, addressed to a lady they knew. + +"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant. + +By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned. + +"Where have _you_ been?" they asked in surprise. + +"The old lady said yes," was all he replied. + +"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, let's go to +the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old lady, too! What are we +standing here for? Let's walk into the bar!" + +_"Walk!"_ someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, cars!" + +The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it was +getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing time and +people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars arrived, ten of +them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered them. + +"Where to?" asked the drivers. + +"Next door," they said. + +So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that being the +bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the drivers. + +The bar was closed. + +"Shall we break in?" they said. + +"Of course," they said. + +So they all ran against the door together, till it said _ump!_ and +flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, shouting, and they caught +hold of him, slapped him on the back, and embraced him. Then they went +behind the counter and got out bottles for him and for themselves, +drinking and shouting hurrah for the baby, for Bengt's mother, for the +baby's mother, for the night watchman, for love and for life. When they +had done, they put some banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied +a handkerchief over them. Then they went back to the dining room. + +The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom slipper lined +with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long as they had the +strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. Then Flaten began to +distribute souvenirs among them. One got his watch, another his pocketbook +(which was empty), a third his tie pin. After this he went on to his +shoes, giving one to each of two friends, his trousers to another, and his +shirt to still another, till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they +collected quilts from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk +eiderdown quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. +He slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for some +more clothes. And then the party began all over again.... + +Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten one or two +details which she filled in afterwards. + +"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said. + +"And for the baby itself," I said. + +"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a tale!" + +"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that." + +"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the money +they settled on the child." + +"You'll change your mind about that, too." + +"Shall I? Why? When?" + +"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you." + +"Ugh, how can you say such things!" + +She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly offended. +To restore her to good humor I asked at random: + +"What sort of food did you get at the party?" + +"Don't know," she replied. + +"Don't you know?" + +"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest amazement. + +"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--" + +"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still more +offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the summer, and +tore them apart again. + +"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only thought +you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do learn cooking and +such in the daytime." + +"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your speech to suit +my narrow outlook!" + +A pause. + +"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked about the +food, only I forgot." + +She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to talk +about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured: + +"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry." + +"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you want to know +for? You don't know her." + +"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I persisted. + +"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I do! Flaten, +Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to enter his father's +firm!" + +"I only thought once he's married--" + +"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his father's +firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's so funny about +that?" + +"I'm not laughing." + +"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since Lind +publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human journal, he +says." + +"A human journal?" + +"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, almost +throwing the words into my face. + +She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did not +understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? Yes, perhaps +I ought." Then she began to cry. + +"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more." + +"You're not tormenting me." + +"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right note." + +"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--" + +What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing so +interesting as a question about oneself, I said: + +"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. Perhaps--well, not at +once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you that--well, that he's going +his own way now. But remember--" + +"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really mean +anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him." + +"But you said he was the only one!" + +"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course I've been +in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten was very nice, +and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or something like that. +And of course I was proud of his paying attention to me in spite of my +having lost my post. I think I could have got a job in his father's shop +but--anyhow, I'm looking for a job now." + +"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one." + +"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That is, I +shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old Flaten's +shop--I shouldn't fit in there." + +"Not very good pay either, I expect?" + +"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too much for it. +That wretched academic training of mine does nothing but harm. Oh, well, +let's not talk any more about me. It must be late; I'd better go." + +I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought about her +ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and an invisible sky. +No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man is served with a wife +who is nothing but a student. Why has no one in the country noticed what +the young women are coming to! Miss Torsen's tale of the wild party proved +how accustomed she was to sitting and listening, and then herself +disgorging endless tales. She had done it very well and not omitted much, +but she paid attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, +one who had studied her life away. + +When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the same time; +she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed this from the fact +that she was not in the least breathless as she spoke. + +"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said. + +"My dear girl--?" + +"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry about +that. Please be kind and forgive me." + +She took my hand and shook it. + +In my amazement I stammered: + +"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now don't +stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you walking back?" + + +"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening." + +"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--" + +"No, thank you." + +She pressed my hand firmly and left me. + +I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! Nevertheless I +stole after her to see that she got home safely. + + * * * * * + +It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that spirit of +labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she came to pay me a +visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked with her again and called +her Joséfriendly. + +How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about all of them, +but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank much now; but he did +little of anything else either, and had definitely lost interest in his +work. He wanted to sell the farm. He wanted to try carting and delivery by +horse cart in Stordalen. I asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; +Einar, one of the cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all +depended on Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it. + +I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man with +mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was ninety, who +smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and asked Josephine: + +"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?" + +"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared hope. We +must be thankful he's still on his feet." + +I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought it all +quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the ladies who +rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one of the great +churches, too, and found her way there alone. For several days she was in +the town and did a good deal of shopping. I never once saw her dejected or +brooding about anything, and at length she said good-bye, because she was +going back next day. + +Oh, so she was going home? + +Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to see Miss +Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course he had never +sent it. + +"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, and turned +quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it very easy either, +because she asked me to wait till next day, but she gave it to me then." + +So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. +She had just visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met +Miss Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had seen +him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she was not a +one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock as well. As far as +that was concerned, she had some woolen blankets, and two beds complete +with bedding, too, nor did she lack clothes: she had many changes, both +underthings and top ones. Yet in spite of that she had started some more +weaving. + +I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had had no +inkling-- + +No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting the troth +and all. But that had been their intention. Because otherwise why should +that schoolmistress, that sister of his, Sophie Palm, have come up and +stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak farm for two whole summers, and +behaved as though she were a lady? No, thank you, that was the end of +that. Anyhow, that was what she, Josephine, had thought once, but it was a +Providence that it wasn't going to happen, because there would never have +been anything but trouble. So it was just as well. + +Suddenly Josephine caught herself up: + +"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my weaving. +Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your hospitality." + + + + +XXXIV + + +It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied Nikolai +to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any case, he had +decided to go home and fell timber in the woods. + +It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by Nikolai's father, +while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and built on a second story. +He has plenty of room for me; I have a small room to myself. + +His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to see to, +and usually she is washing something or other, even if it is nothing more +than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the kitchen stove, and keeps +her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, and strains her milk through a +muslin cloth, which she afterward washes and rinses twice. But she picks +food remnants from between the prongs of forks with a hairpin! + +A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix hang on +the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves with oddments, +including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are still simple and +orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture in the house, the +chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly constructed chest, have all +been made by Nikolai himself. + +Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the day after +we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his mother. When I +asked for him, she said: + +"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the woods." + +His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she cannot be +much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and big-muscled, with a fair +complexion and thick, graying hair, a veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are +good companions to her hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good +enough to see far and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, +like all the peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut. + +I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For nearly a +generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects herself. "Sophie is +four and twenty now, and it was the year after her birth that he died." + +They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and twenty. + +I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I cannot +make it tally. + +Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had gone to +school and passed an examination, and now held such an important post. Of +course her inheritance was used up, but she had her learning instead. +Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, handsome girl, Sophie--look, +here is her portrait. + +I said I had met her at Tore Peak. + +At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be among her +equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came home every year, +too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I had met her at Tore Peak? + + +Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made myself +slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance almost to the +point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. And now it becomes +evident that his brain works well, too. He should have had a horse, yes, +but he cannot keep a horse till he can provide more fodder. But he cannot +buy more pasture land till he has more money. But he was learning more +about his trade in the town, and when he had finished his course of +training, he would earn more money. After that he would buy a horse. + +I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the farmers +cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no poverty. Here +were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the walls, as at Petra's; +but good, thick furs with woven backs hung over the doors, and the +children looked healthy and well-fed. The neighbors all knew I lived at +Petra's house; every visitor to this district lived at Petra's house--had +done so as long as they could remember. I could sense no hostility to +Petra in these silent people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, +and he was quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a +bachelor; he had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, +at some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra? + +The schoolmaster gossiped thus: + +People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always used to live +at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, and the engineer that +planned the big road lived there, and so did the two traveling preachers, +to say nothing of the itinerant peddlers who toured the district all the +year round. So it went on for many a year, with the children growing up, +and Petra getting big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big +merchant--a wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, +with his own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were +glass panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with Petra, +and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that the child +Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and saw him, he +stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm added two rooms to +the house, for it was his intention to open a shop there. But when he had +built honestly and well, he died. His widow was left with two small +children, but she had means enough, for Palm had had plenty of money. Then +why did not Petra remarry? She could have got a man in spite of the +handicap of two small children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. +But from her childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled +by this love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them stayed +there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was shameful. Her +parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had always been their way of +living, and besides it brought them a little money. So the years went by. +When the children were grown and Sophie was out of the way, she might have +married even then, for she still had half her money left, and being +childless again, it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +_was_ too late, she said; it was the children's turn to marry now, +she said. + +"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said. + +"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know whether anyone +has asked her this year, but last year there was someone--one person--or +so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra didn't want to. If I could +only guess what she's waiting for." + +"Perhaps she's not waiting at all." + +"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she takes in +all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a public nuisance +of herself...." + +As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood Petra's +arithmetic much better. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have remained +behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes a dead man of +me in any case. + +To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that Nikolai is +going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate what it will cost +him, with drainage and everything: a bare two hundred _kroner_. Then +he could keep a horse. It would have been an act of charity to give him +this money in case his mother could not. He could have added another field +to his land then. + +"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the two hundred +_kroner_ he needs for fodder for a horse?" + +"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered. + +"That makes six." + +"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred _kroners_ lying about." + +"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?" + +A pause. Then: + +"He can break the ground himself." + +I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has his own +problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that each one of us +struggles for himself as though he had a hundred years to live. I once +knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a large farm, the produce of +which they sold. Both were well-to-do bachelors without heirs. But both +had diseased lungs, the younger brother's much worse than the elder's. In +the spring, the younger brother became permanently bedridden, but though +he approached his end, he still maintained an interest in everything that +went on at the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called +his brother in. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"Only someone to buy eggs." + +"What's the price per score now?" + +His brother told him. + +"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned. + +A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his sixty-seventh +year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody came to buy eggs, he +always gave him the smallest.... + +"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time breaking +his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his trade he'll earn +more!" + +"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy their chairs +and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper." + +"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?" + +"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just wants to be +a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he can do as he likes." + +"Well, what else could he do?" + +A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she says: + +"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the summer, both +at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time we had two Danes +living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you had a horse, you could +have driven us here,' they said to me." + +"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the bag!" + +"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and 'There are +high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in the fjord and fish +in the river; there are lots of things here, and there's a broad road +here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to them and heard it all, too. +'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we can't get away again unless we +walk.'" + +Just to say something, I asked her: + +"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?" + +"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the big mouth +replied. + +"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued: + +"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to get a +horse, wouldn't he?" + +"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied. + +"It's four hundred _kroner_." + +"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty." + +"But this land won't feed a horse!" + +"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy sacks of oats +on the headland." + +"That's eighteen _kroner_ a sack." + +"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first tourist." + +Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, and had +grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had she not put two +snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The money for coffee, for +the bed at night and waffles in the morning, had grown so dear to her that +she hid it away, watched it increase, and grew rich on it. She did not +produce like other peasant women, but no one can do everything at one +time, and Petra was a parasite. She did not want to live by earning +something; she wanted to live on the tourists who earned enough +themselves, and could afford to come. + +Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all works out as +it should--and it probably will. + + * * * * * + +It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, and I +harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is hard, I shall +walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I shall do. + +But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, who is +cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in Nikolai's workshop, +where there are many kinds of planes and saws and drills and lathes, and +there I fashion strange things. For the small boys of the neighboring +farm, I make a windmill that will really turn in the wind. It whirls and +rattles well, and I remember my own childhood when we called this +apparatus onomatopoeically a _windwhirr_. + +Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well as I can, +which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do I blame +anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of omnipotence? +For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods with my hands folded +on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a moment by an occasional +memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in surprise. Can this be an iron in +the fire? It is not, for it fades again, and I am left behind in a quiet +melancholy. + +But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled with a +heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and pictures rise in +my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones: + + We came from the meadow + and downy heather; + we came from friendship, + too-loo-loo-lay! + A star that watched + saw lips meet lips. + None else so dear, + so sweet as you. + + Those youthful days, + those happy days, + unmatched since then! + but what am I now? + The bees once swarmed, + the swan once played. + There's no play now, + yet too-loo-loo-lay! + +I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still resounding +within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at least. + +There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? The letter +is as follows: + + +Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you about +something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon as you come +back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say no. + +Yours, + +Ingeborg Torsen + +I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm going to +Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing myself in the +affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old uncle, that I can be +summoned hither and thither to give advice? Excuse me, but I am going to +assert myself and become quite inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I +have planned a big journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very +important to me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the +mind of man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at all +displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I am so +pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall soon see the +town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and its ships. + +But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's and got my +address? Or has she met Nikolai? + +I left at once. + + + + +XXXV + + +My landlady was surprised. + +"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your mail." + +"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a jewel." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my address to +someone." + +"No, indeed; I swear I haven't." + +"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're right, I am +happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early and walk down by the +shore." + +"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't wrong of +me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you arrived." + +"A lady? You sent a message just now?" + +"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome lady; she +might have been your daughter, you know." + +"Thank you." + +"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at once, because +she had to see you about something." + +The landlady left me. + +So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have happened. +She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, everything was neat +and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. There, she can have that chair; +I'd better light the other lamp, too. It might not be a bad idea to sit +down to my correspondence; that would make a good impression, and if I put +some letters in a small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a +little jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now.... + +Then she knocked and came in. + +I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely drew out a +chair for her. + +"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen to send me +a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little embarrassed about +it, but--" + +I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to pound. Why +should my heart be affected? + +"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, expectant and on +the defensive. + +"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She began to clasp +her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of her gloves projected +beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of great excitement. + +"Perhaps _now_ I've done something you'll approve of?" she said, +suddenly pulling off her glove. + +She had a ring on her finger. + +"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to understand more +later, and merely asked: + +"Are you engaged?" + +"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though her mouth +shook. + +I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, "Well, now, +well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed formally, and +said: "My heartiest congratulations!" + +"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the best thing +to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or rash or--well, +don't you?" + +"Oh, I don't know--" + +"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd tell you." + +I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I had only +risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to smoke. + +A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the minutes +passed and I saw she was distressed, I said: + +"Why did you want to tell me this?" + +"Yes--why did I?" + +"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the world again, +but--" + +"Yes, I expect so." + +She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; she had +been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. I rose, too. +An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good heavens, what could +I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, and at the same time looked +very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? But as she got up, I could see her +face better under her hat--I could see her hair--the hair that was +beginning to show silken and silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! +She was tall and handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her +great breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly dry-- + +"Miss Ingeborg!" + +It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand toward her +slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I don't know-- + +But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her eyes had +grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place again, as she walked +toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped me. + +"What's the matter?" she asked. + +"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me more." + +"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the universe. +Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, and you--well, of +course, you're busy with your extensive correspondence." + +"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the letters; +they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, probably from complete +strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; you owe me that much. Look, I +shan't even read the letters." + +And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire. + +"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, trying to +save them. + +"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me through the +post, and sorrows I do not seek." + +She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point of +touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught myself in +time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and sympathetically +as I could: + +"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for the best; +you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better." + +No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank into her +chair almost absently. + +"I'm not unhappy," she said. + +"Aren't you? So much the better!" + +I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain myself, +to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I talked to distract +her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I could hear it buzzing. +What could I say? A little of everything--a great deal, in fact: + +"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky man? Nice +of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very nice; thank you very +much. You see I've only just come home and I haven't slept much on the +journey. I was anxious to know--well, perhaps not anxious exactly--but +still--You know what such a homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I +hardly got any sleep. Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you +for coming, Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a +child; that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give you +advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can quite +safely--I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? Young, of +course. I am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss Ingeborg, in +your new condition. I mean, it will be so entirely different from what +you've been accustomed to, but God bless you, it will all turn out for +the best, I'm sure of that--" + +"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at me +apprehensively again. + +"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who is it? A +dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a schoolmaster perhaps, a +clever young schoolmaster--" + +She shook her head. + +"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--" + +"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly. + +"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry you on his +paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you for your +birthday?" + +But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the first +time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the wall, then at +another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop now, after having +spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and feeling profoundly excited +besides--heaven only knows why. + +"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could not see the +drift of this question, I merely looked at her. + +"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted. + +"Yes." + +"What is she like?" + +"Are you interested in her?" + +"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily. + +"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly engaged! What +the country was like? Well, there was a schoolmaster--you know, an old +bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he knew me, and put on the most +extraordinary airs the first day. And of course I returned the compliment +and said I had come exclusively to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why +should it be?' I said; 'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, +permanent churchman, chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I +attended his class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he +had an audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was riding +on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The man,' Peter +replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, Peter--maybe the man was +riding. Just like sin, like the devil riding us....'" + +But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me again. I +changed the subject clumsily: + +"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore Peak, for +instance. Josephine has been in town." + +"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head. + +"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever forget him. In +a certain number of years I shall be like him--perhaps not quite so old. +Then I shall be a child again with age. One day he came out, and went down +to the field. I saw him; he had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of +things, and I saw him lie down and eat the hay." + +She stared at me foolishly. + +"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before--possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had been +left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next tourist year." + +"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer me up, +because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps he's too good +for me; that's what his sister seems to think, anyhow, because she tried +to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, +I'm not unhappy, and that isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much +rather have him than anyone else--since I can't get the one I really +want." + +"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But the man you +want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that you didn't belong +with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I mean--" + +"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the place I'm +going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for anybody--at least I +can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how I'll manage. I wonder if +he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my very best; I've made up my mind +to that." + +"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. I can't +believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly in love, and +you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come through with flying +colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable and intelligent." + +"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she hesitated over +something, and seemed about to speak, then changed her mind again. At the +door, she stood with her back to me, pulling on her gloves, and said: + +"So you think I ought to do it?" + +I was taken aback by the question, and replied: + +"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?" + +"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can tell from +your manner that I've done the right thing." + +"Well, I don't know. I can't tell." + +I crossed the room to her. + +"Who is it?" + +"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good night." + +She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking at the +floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled helplessly +round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door and was gone. I +called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, and hurried after her. +An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened the street door. An empty +street. She must have run. + +"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought. + + * * * * * + +One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all the usual +places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go up to her home and +inquire about her. At first this did not seem to me too improper, but when +it came to the point, I hesitated. There is, after all, something to be +lost by making a fool of oneself. But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, +of course, but still-- + +A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; I hope +she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home and ring the +bell.... + +She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, last +week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai. + + * * * * * + +March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling how much +longer it may still last. That's what March is for. + +I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger entertainment at +the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my friend. You saw how +cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you even took part yourself, and +you carry about a broken rib as a cherished little memento of the +occasion. I saw it all from a slight distance away, ten miles, to be +exact; no people were near me, but there were seven heavens above. + +And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to say about +the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the harvest at the +theater--in dollars, and in sterling. + +The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. There he +goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all his glory. By +next year, he will have dragged other progressive people in his wake; he +will have dressed up Norway still more, and made it still more attractive +to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, and more sterling. + +What, do I hear someone objecting? + +Yes, Switzerland. + +Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her thus: +"Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can squeeze so much +profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at such clockwork? +Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want to rob you; there are no +pickpockets at this table. Here's to you!" + +But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves and fight. +There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and our rival--is +Switzerland. + + * * * * * + +Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room. + +"What, is it spring?" + +"Oh, it's getting on." + +"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should very much +have liked to stay, because this is really where I belong; but what more +can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. Do you understand me? I grieve +continually, and my heart sits wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is +spinning coins: I toss a coin into the air and wait. When I came here last +autumn I wasn't so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger +then, yet I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn." + +"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three weeks ago, +when you came back from the country, you were so happy!" + +"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so fast, and +nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, never mind; at all +events, I shall go away. I must travel when the spring comes. I have +always done so in the past, and I want to do the same thing now. Sit down, +Mrs. Henriksen." + +"No, thank you, I'm too busy." + +Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you were last +autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, don't you? Dear +Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit stockings for the +whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your family together like a +mother. But you mustn't let your little Louise sit for twelve years on a +school form. If you do, you'll hardly ever see her all through her youth, +those formative years of her life. And then she can't be like you or learn +from you. She'll learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn +to be a mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and +family together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is not +food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of continual famine +for her soul. + +"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?" + +"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go aboard a +steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I will go ashore. +If I find, on looking about me, that I have traveled too far or not far +enough, I shall board a ship again and sail on. Once I walked across into +Sweden as far as Kalmar and even Öland, but that was too far, so I turned +back. No one cares to know where I am, least of all myself." + + + + +XXXVI + + +You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of two years. + +And now it is spring again.... + +It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for there is +music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the tightrope walker +is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every sort throng the +village. The crowds are great, and there is even a sprinkling of +Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and whinny, cows low, and +trading is brisk. + +In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great cow of +silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the local farmers +stop to admire. + +"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a laugh. + +"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh. + +"Why, do you want to buy her?" + +"No, haven't got fodder enough this year." + +A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of this +window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive back. He +stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no doubt, for now +and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure enough, entering the +shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he intends to buy the silver cow! + + +It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth is he +doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might as well go the +whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the goldsmith's window myself, +mingling with the other spectators, and watching the door. + +At last the man re-emerges--yes, it _is_ Nikolai. It was his back and +hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks splendid. Imagine +Carpenter Nikolai being here! + +We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and ponderously by +the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get on. Yes, of course, he +has gone into the shop on business, in a kind of way. + +"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?" + +"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In fact, I didn't +buy anything." + +By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells me that he +has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it into pasture, and his +wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she lives in health to this day. + +"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?" + +"Yes, I came last winter. In December." + +"What a pity I didn't know!" + +I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I was in a +hurry, there was some business-- + +"Yes, I understand," he said. + +We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. Besides, he had +other business to attend to; he cannot absent himself from the farm for +long, and had to return next day. + +"Have you bought your horse yet?" + +"Well, no, I haven't." + +"Do you think you will?" + +"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and twenty +_kroner_." + +Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to do a +great deal of business there. + +"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's spring, and +do I not always travel in the spring?" + +I began to pack my knapsack. + +Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had entered. I +opened my window and called to him to ask if he had bought the horse. + +"N-no--the man won't meet my price." + +"Well, can't you meet his?" + +"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got enough +money on me." + +"I could lend you some." + +At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer were a fairy +tale. + +"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away. + +"Where are you going now?" I asked. + +"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--" + +Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that at all. +He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter without +stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That was all. But as +I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped packing, nor would I ask +Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I went out for a walk in the +town. I had as much right to do that as anyone. + +I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to exchange a few +words. + +"Is it yours?" + +"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he replied with +a smile. + +We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the horse. She +was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat and an off-white +mane and tail--a perfect little lady. + +That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for a chat +about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was saying good-bye at +the door, he seemed struck by a sudden thought. + +"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but you could +get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there day after +tomorrow," he added. + +How could I offend him again? + +We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at the +frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack all the way, +as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested that we should share +the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I think Nikolai wanted to +spare the little tawny lady. + +At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and carefully rubbed +down the mare once more. As our path sloped downward, I felt a pressure, a +contraction in my chest; it was the sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the +matter, but it was nothing. + +On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the doorway a +woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the floor. It was +the Saturday cleaning day. + +"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping dead in his +tracks as he did so. + +The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it was she, +Miss Ingeborg, _Fru_ [Footnote: Mrs. (Translator's note.)] Ingeborg. + +"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of the floor. + +"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, laughing. +"That's her idea of fun!" + +And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of lightheartedness! Yet I +had seen how content he had been all the way home, how deeply content, and +proud of the little lady he was bringing with him. Even now he was still +stroking her. + +Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It all +seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little time, a +moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her time, too. + +"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim. + +Nikolai went on stroking the mare. + +"I've brought a visitor with me," he said. + +I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather overdid my +unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet hand, which she +hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite formal with her, and +shook her hand as I repeated my greeting. + +"Well, of all people!" she replied. + +I persisted in my formal attitude. + +"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm here." + +"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've just got +through the cleaning!" + +A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed since our +last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to admire the mare, +Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child calling from within the +house, and the young mother ran off. + +"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder. + +As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. There was too +much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the windows, numerous +pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the ceiling, underneath it in +the center of the room a round table and chairs, knickknacks in a china +cupboard, a pink-painted spinning wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the +room was crowded. This, no doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had +been used to and considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had +been a light and spacious room. + +"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai. + +As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him: + +"She's very well." + +I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained. + +"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg. + +It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a year old. He +frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon as he was on his +mother's arm, he looked at me without fear. + +How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, indeed, with +her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had not possessed before. + + +"What a fine little _man!_" I said, admiring the boy. + +"I should think he was!" said the mother. + + * * * * * + +You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; I can +speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the mistress of +this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her words nervously, as +though it had been a long time since she last opened her mouth. What we +talked about? Well, we neither asked nor answered questions about +measuring angles or analyzing Shakespeare's grammar. + +Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, amid +livestock and Saturday cleaning? + +Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first toddling steps in +a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with fully adult knowledge she +was lost. She had other things to think about now, her home and her family +and the farm. Of course there wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's +mother had taken half of it with her-- + +"Has Petra gone away?" + +Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay when the +young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had come to the +house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru Ingeborg would not. She +knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So there were quarrels between +the older woman and the young one. + +Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the barn. It was +true she was not very skillful, but she was learning all the time, and +enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked questions; that, she saw, +would have been foolish, but she worked things out by herself, and kept +her eyes open when she visited neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say +she could learn everything. There were things she never learned properly +because she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of the +country, though they must learn them in time. But they never learn them +well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. To set up a weave, +you must have grown up with the sound of the shuttle in your ears; to tend +the cattle as they should be tended, you must have helped your mother +since childhood. You can learn from others, but it will not be in your +blood. + +Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The young wife +is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who loves her in +return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife seems to him peerless +in all she does. Of course she has taken great pains; it has left its mark +on her, too, and she is not gray for nothing. A few months ago she lost a +front tooth, too--broke it on some bird shot left in the breast of a +ptarmigan she was eating. She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't +recognize herself. But what did it matter as long as Nikolai.... + +Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the goldsmith's at the +market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; but she would do anything +in the world for him, too. Imagine using some of the money for the horse +on a brooch! Where is he now, where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's +stroking the mare again. + +"Nikolai!" she called. + +"Yes," his reply came from the stable. + +She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; perhaps a +thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was suffused with +excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, outlining its +contours. She began gently to stroke her knee. + +"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something. + +"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you imagine +anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, but.... You know +he's not a year old yet. I never knew children were such a blessing." + +"Well, you see they are." + +"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly well, and you +contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. Children? Miracles! And +when you're old, they're the only happiness--the last happiness. I shall +have more; I shall have many of them, a whole row of them, like organ +pipes, each taller than the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't +lost my tooth; it leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about +it, on Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But I've +given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've gone on +much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my childhood, all my +youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at resorts, even as a grown +woman? I needed a holiday from my school work, a rest, and immediately +turned it into sheer futility, every day a disgrace. I could cry with +regret. I should have been married ten years ago, and had my husband all +that time, and a home and many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out +of ten years of my life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--" + +"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!" + +No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why should I make +myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough anyhow. I was sick with +fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to show her my teeth: "Here, +don't miss them, have a good look!" But I'm afraid she saw what a fool I +was making of myself; everything I did was wrong. + +Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can well afford +it: + +"What, you old? Nonsense!" + +"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly. + +"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a man came +riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's terribly stingy. +Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because ours is new and good. +They've built a house at the end of the valley, and take in +travelers--quite a big hotel, in fact, with the waitresses dressed in +national costume. Of course Nikolai and I both went to the wedding; Petra +really looked a charming and lovely bride. You mustn't think she and I are +still unfriendly; she likes me better now that I'm more competent, and +last summer they sent for me several times to interpret for some English +people and that sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food +and conveyance and tips in other languages! + +"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble with Petra +in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, the +schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to criticize in me, +so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But when she came here, she +was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it over me, showing off all her +knowledge. I was busy trying to learn what I needed to know for the life +up here, and then she came along and made me look small, talking about the +Seven Years' War all the time. She was terribly learned about the Seven +Years' War, because that's what she had in her examination. And our way of +talking wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks quite +well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of his has got to +put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to stay--for six months, +anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had to take a six months' holiday. +The baby's with Petra, with his grandmother, so he's well taken care of. +It's a boy, too, but he's hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. +Well, in a way, of course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up +her legacy and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she +comes home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I asked +her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. Anyhow, her +mother and I are quite reconciled. + +"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the horse. +Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. But we'll +manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all the furniture in +here himself, the table and china cupboard and everything; we haven't +bought a thing. He's dug up the new field himself, too. And we'll be +getting more cattle; you ought to see what a handsome heifer we've got.... + +"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a lot of +trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was enough to make you +sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to knit, too; I'd got one of +my neighbors to teach me, and I was knitting stockings for myself. But of +course Lady Sophie--well, she bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she +was charming. 'Get out!' I said to her. So they left." + +Nikolai entered the room. + +"Did you want me?" + +"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need something to +hang things on in front of the fire, a clotheshorse--come along--" + +I stayed behind, thinking: + +"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; living on her +nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid resolution she shows, and +how she's matured in these two years! But it has cost her a great deal, +too. + +"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!" + +At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who had once +tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How content Fru +Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! Life had changed so +much that such things were important to her; she grew heated again when +she mentioned it, and pulled at her fingers as she had done in her +schooldays. And why should she not be content? A small triumph now had the +rank of a bigger one in the old days. Proportions were changed, but her +satisfaction was no less. + +Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a steady hum. +Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best educated of them, +naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! She has extended her +self-discipline even to this, for they are all orthodox Christians in this +neighborhood. Believing? No, but not hostile, either. One reads Scripture. +Rather a clever ruse, that of the clotheshorse. + +She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. Delicious +broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should be, with barley, +carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has learned this at the domestic +science school. I consider all the things she has learned, and find them +numerous. Had she, perhaps, been a little overstrung in her talk about +children like organ pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a +mare's as she spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class +couples have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the night +separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a house of +fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during the day, when +their separate labors called them, but the night united them. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg! + + + + +XXXVII + + +Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved across to +Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really I ought to do +that.... + +Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's harnessed to a +neat cart that he has made himself and banded with iron. And now the lady +carts manure. The tiny farm with its few head of cattle doesn't yield too +much of this precious substance, so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws +the plow, and looks as though it were no more than the heavy train of a +ball dress behind her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and +neither has his wife. + +I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from every angle. +Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, exactly as though I knew +something about it. Rich, black soil--sheer perfection. + +I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and suddenly +turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and catkins and +peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here. + +And so the days wear on. + +I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like to stay +here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful and popular; I +shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell Nikolai that I must think of +moving on; this will not do.... And perhaps he will mention it.... + +"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it isn't the kind +of place--" + +"God bless you, Nikolai; it _is_ the kind of place, but--well, it's +spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I should have to be very +low before I gave that up. And besides, I expect you're both pretty tired +of me, at least your wife." + +This, too, I hoped he would mention. + +Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take the knapsack +out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So perhaps Nikolai +hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his mouth. So I placed the +knapsack on a chair in the middle of the room, all packed and ready, for +everyone to see that we're leaving. And I waited for the morning of the +next day, and this time the knapsack _was_ observed. No, it wasn't. +So I had to wait till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell +her then, pointing to what was in the middle of the room: + +"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today." + +"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said. + +"Why? Well, don't you think I should?" + +"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the cows will +be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have had more milk." + +That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her work. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it had done +already on several occasions, that she had grown very like Josephine at +Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of expression. Twelve +years of school had laid no foundations in her young mind, though it had +loosened much that was firm within her. But that did not matter, as long +as she kept a firm hold now. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will be bringing +back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know very well that I +ought to go with him, because then I could catch the mail packet next day +but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay my bill. While he is harnessing +the horse, I finish packing my bag. + +Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place than I am +again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are those bells I +hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They are going to pasture +for the first time this spring, so that they shall give more milk.... Here +comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. Yes, here is the knapsack.... + +"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?" + +"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses." + +"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I cannot sit in +the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. I must wait till +there is really something to sit on. A rock is good enough, but you can't +sit on a rock for very long in May." + +Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window. + +"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You know those +butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there weren't any. And +if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God himself--well, He hasn't +moved out yet; it's too early." + +Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy. + +We go outside together. + +"Nikolai, I'm not going." + +He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling good-humoredly. + +"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as though an +idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot iron. So I mustn't +disturb myself. I'm staying." + +"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as you like +being here...." + +And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare trotting +briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard with the boy on her +arm to watch the gamboling calves. + +And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am! + + * * * * * + +Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had accumulated in the +past few weeks. + +"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," said Fru +Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us. + +"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them unread." + +Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on the +letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, a moment's +miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a moment--then she +withdrew her hand and said: + +"Better read them." + +She was deeply flushed now. + +"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. Then she +found something to do at the stove, while she asked her husband about his +journey, about the road, whether the mare had behaved well--which she had. + + +A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should not have +mentioned it. + + * * * * * + +A few days later. + +The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the living room +is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking out. + +A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I could not see +his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai carrying something, so I +went back to my table to work again. + +A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living room. + +Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her ask in +loud, hostile tones: + +"What do you want?" + +"I've come to pay you a visit." + +"My husband isn't in--he's in the field." + +"Never mind." + +"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!" + +I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was gray--gray +with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the living room. + +The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was everywhere. Our +eyes met. + +"I think you were asked to leave?" I said. + +"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of half-Norwegian, +half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the farms buying up hides. +Have you got any?" + +"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely distracted, and +suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling on the stove: Perhaps +she was on the point of flinging it at him.... + +At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house. + +He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he took in +the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him coming to the farm? +He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and went on smiling--left his +smile standing. It looked horrible; he was quite white, and his mouth +seemed to have stiffened in a smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, +a sexual colleague, a stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he +went on smiling. + +"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the door. Nikolai +followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped Solem raise his burden +to his back. + +"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale of furs and +skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it on Solem's back, +swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with needless emphasis. Solem's +knees gave way under him, and he fell on his face. We heard a groan of +pain, for the paved yard was hard as the face of the mountain. Solem lay +still for a moment, then he rose to his feet. His face had struck the +ground in falling, and the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried +to hoist his burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He +began to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into the +woods. + +Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The heavy burden +hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked bad. + +Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state of +collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too! + +Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to talk, and by +asking her questions, I force her to collect herself. + +"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he is--I could +murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now he's getting it all +back, he's getting more than his own back--you'll see. He was the first; I +was all right till then, but he was the first. Not that it meant a great +deal to me; I don't want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same +to me. But afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in +its train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me alone; I +don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, is it?--Oh, +where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to him, do you? They'll +put him in prison. Please, run after them, stop him! He'll kill him--" + +"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does he, that +Solem has done anything to you?" + +She looked up at me then. + +"Are you asking on your own account?" + +"What do you mean?--I don't understand--" + +"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes you seem +as though you were trying to find me out. _No_, I _haven't_ told +my husband. You can think what you please about my honesty. I've only told +him part of it, just a little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's +been here once before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I +wouldn't have in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in +here!' And I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; +so now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him now +either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe you any +explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to tell you, +please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's anger, but of +his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as though nothing had +happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for me, because that's his +nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, too, and peasants don't take +these things so seriously. But if he did find excuses for me, he wouldn't +be much good, and I don't want him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd +rather be no good myself! Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each +other, but we need all of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we +want to be human beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our +children.... But you oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me +that?" + +"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't occur to +him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried about. I just +wanted to reassure you." + +"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish now I hadn't +told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept it to myself till I +died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly dishonest." + +"On the contrary." + +"Really? Don't you think that?" + +"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, entirely +true and right. And not only that--it's fine." + +"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again. + +"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the road as +good and placid as ever." + +"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to find with +him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to find something, +I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions sometimes--I mean he says some +words differently, but it was only his sister that put that into my head. +I must go out and meet him now." + +She began to look around for something to slip over her shoulders, but it +took her a few minutes because she was still quite shaken. Before she had +found anything, Nikolai trudged into the yard. + +"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have you?" + +Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied: + +"No, I just took him over to see his son." + +"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked. + +Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, and his +wife went with him across the field. + +Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child. + +How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress Sophie Palm +came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about the bandage on his +finger, the finger he never had time to get rid of--stout fellow! They +made each other's acquaintance then, and probably met again later in the +town. Solem was everywhere. + +The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, but they did +little to improve him. And so he met this woman who had learned nothing +but to teach.... + + * * * * * + +I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand anything any +more. + +But something has happened to me now. + +At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for wanting to +keep me here is simply that they need money; my board and rent are to pay +for the mare. That's all it amounts to. + +I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add without +being misunderstood that the brain withers before the heart. You can see +it in all grandparents. + +At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," I said, +"you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such that I began to +feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for the mare once and for +all and depart; I should have been more than pleased to do so. But I +should not have succeeded. Nikolai would have shaken his head as though it +were a fairy tale. Then I began to calculate that in fact there couldn't +be much to pay for the mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid +for.... + +Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. She seldom +sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and she needs rest. +She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, mends, and washes. Often +a lock of gray hair falls down on either side of her face, and she is so +busy that she lets it hang; it's too short to be fastened back with a pin. +But she looks charming and motherly, with her fine skin and her +well-shaped mouth; she and the child together are sheer beauty. Of course +I help to carry wood and water, but I make more work for her just the +same. When I think of that, I grow hot about the ears. + +But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me for my own +sake? I should not have had all these years too many then, and these +ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at last. + +In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and this--time +when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the child, her boy, +had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm because I showed him so +much that was strange. It was the child's instinct for the peerless +grandfather. + +At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm to help +with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with grief, I packed. +To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make my way down to the +steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange to relieve all of us of +the need for farewells and handshakes and _au revoirs_, believe me! + +But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid taking them +both by the hand and thanking them for their hospitality. That was all +that was necessary. I stood in the doorway with my knapsack already on my +back, smiling a little, and behaving splendidly. + +"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again." + +"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg. + +"Why not?" + +"But so suddenly?" + +"Didn't I tell you yesterday?" + +"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?" + +"No, thank you." + +The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and a coat +with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. Very well, +then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a moment, more than a +few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened and investigated, of +course. Then Nikolai entered the room. + +Fru Ingeborg said to me: + +"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here now--but we've +got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, she could easily +sleep in the loft." + +"But, my dear child, I must leave _some_ time--I have work to do, +too, you know." + +"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up. + +Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked him and +refused. + +They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy sitting +on his mother's arm. + +At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, of course, +not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no longer anyone +there. + + + + +XXXVIII + + +I have written this story for you. + +Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom before +every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all written the same +way. I had even the intention of writing in dialect, so as to be truly +Norwegian; but when I saw you understood the country's language also, I +gave up writing in dialect because, for one thing, it is becoming +obsolete. + +But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single framework? +My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations was written +during a plague, _because_ of a plague--this is my answer. And, my +friend, when you have lived for a long time away from the human beings you +know inside and out, then you indulge once more in the iniquity of speech; +your powers have been so little used that your head is filled with a +thousand sermons. This is my defense. + +If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my outspoken +passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, you will lick +your chops. But to others you will shake your head and say: "Think of his +writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar soul, retire into solitude and +try to understand that episode! It has cost me much to surrender it to +you. + +Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my irons? +Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of one who is half +a century old--he has no other kind. But the distinction between myself +and my brother travelers is that I freely admit: I have none but these. +They were planned so big and so red; yet they are small irons, and they +hardly glow. This is the truth. They congregate with the painstaking works +of others round the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth +even though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the modern +spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn. + +One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in "cultured +company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart heart with a +"lady." I have written about human beings. But within the speech that is +spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins under the skin, like a +story within a story. I have followed the septuagenarian of literature +step by step, and reported the progress of his disintegration. I should +have written this description long ago, but I had not years enough; only +now am I entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done +it while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am being +accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you will say, +"chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame enough for the +last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall be dead. And you? May +you live long; you deserve it. May you almost survive me--in the flesh. + +I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and colorless." +Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers of a new +renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is too late now. +Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire to do more, +mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant with the feet of +clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, small friend, look about +you: there has appeared, within even your field of vision, a figure here +and a figure there, a shining crest, lavish with its bounty, geniuses +beneath the open sky--you and I should bid them welcome. I walk in the +evening of life and, trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth +with jeweled eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you +begrudge them fame. Because you are nobody. + +To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this during a +plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; no, it is +unassailable now, it flourishes under national protection, +tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. Meanwhile I do what +I can to fight it; you do the reverse. + +Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why my voice +is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A worse thing +would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any danger of that? No, +my friend, not for you; you will live till you die, be assured. + +Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You refused to +be convinced of the truth and integrity of my conclusions; but I shall yet +force you to recognize that I am close to the truth. Not until then shall +I make allowance for the fool in you. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +***** This file should be named 8445-8.txt or 8445-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/4/4/8445/ + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Posting Date: September 8, 2014 [EBook #8445] +Release Date: July, 2005 +First Posted: July 11, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h1 class="spaced">LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS</h1> + +<h1 class="spaced">KNUT HAMSUN</h1> + +<h2 class="spaced">Translated from the Norwegian<br> +<br> +By PAULA WIKING</h2> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + +<h2 class="spaced">I</h2> + +<p>I have gone to the forest.</p> + +<p>Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about +men's evil ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must +go to it. That is all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a +vagabond. I have money enough and am overfed, stupefied with +success and good fortune, if you understand that. I have left the +world as a sultan leaves rich food and harems and flowers, and +clothes himself in a hair shirt.</p> + +<p>Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean +to roam and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt +would have spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved +their praise, and they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went +into the forest. For then did I comprehend the truth, that my +speech must needs be dishonest or foolish.... But I said nothing of +the kind; I simply went to the forest.</p> + +<hr> +<p>You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The +snowflakes drift down just as they do in the city, and the birds +and beasts scurry about from morning till night, and from night +till morning. I could send solemn stories from this place, but I do +not. I have sought the forest for solitude and for the sake of my +great irons; for I have great irons which lie within me and grow +red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose I were to meet +a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself:</p> + +<p>"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!"</p> + +<p>But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a +comforting lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast.</p> + +<p>You say nothing happens here?</p> + +<p>One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they +behaved as people do. "<em>Boris!</em>" they said to each other and +smiled. But immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow +and were gone from my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, +I thought, "You'd better see to them; they may be smothered in the +snow." But then they got up and went their separate ways.</p> + +<p>In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting +as that.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must +crawl on my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago +and used it, for lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in +hiding, a man who concealed himself here for a few autumn days. +There are two of us in the hut, that is if you regard Madame as a +person; otherwise there is only one. Madame is a mouse I live with, +to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats everything I put +aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she sits +watching me.</p> + +<p>When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which +Madame by all means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh +pine twigs, as is fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary +crockery. And I have a sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool +inside. I keep a fire burning in the fireplace all night, and my +shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh resin in the morning. +When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with clean snow, and +hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water.</p> + +<p>Is this a life worth living?</p> + +<p>There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not +understand. Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished +it with vanities, with pictures and books; but you have a wife and +a servant and a hundred expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep +pace with the world and are never at peace. I have peace. You are +welcome to your intellectual pastimes and books and art and +newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky that only +makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask me +intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, +for example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly +men are mere specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser +than I. But if you should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, +then I know quite as much in this matter, too, and reply thus: +Eternity is merely unborn time, nothing but unborn time.</p> + +<p>My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my +pocket and reflect the sun on your face, my friend.</p> + +<p>You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are +weary, exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as +you go out into the street; the morning has dawned too early on +your blinking eyes. I rise at five quite refreshed. It is still +dark outdoors, yet there is enough to look at--the moon, the stars, +the clouds, and the weather portents for the day. I prophesy the +weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds whistle? Is +the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and long? +These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more.</p> + +<p>Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, +the stars fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow +flies over the woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut +or she will be devoured.</p> + +<p>But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great +rocks take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from +another world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn +up looks like a witch petrified in the act of performing strange +rites.</p> + +<p>Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a +solitary reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it +high in a tree to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the +tracks of the reindeer into the forest. It has jogged along without +haste, but toward a definite goal--straight east to meet the day. +By the banks of the Skiel, which is so rapid that its waters never +freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, to scrape the hillside +for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on.</p> + +<p>And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are +short; at two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep +twilight, with the good, still night approaching. Then I begin to +cook. I have a great deal of meat stored in three pure-white drifts +of snow. In fact I have something even better: eight fat cheeses of +reindeer milk, to eat with butter and crisp-bread.</p> + +<p>While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I +fall asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, +the food is cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and +resin. Madame darts back and forth across the floor and at length +gets her share. I eat, and light my cutty-pipe.</p> + +<p>The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no +unpleasantness. In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only +adult, roaming man; this makes me bigger and more important, God's +kin. And I believe the red-hot irons within me are progressing +well, for God does great things for his kin.</p> + +<p>I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by +the river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the +trees it has nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, +leaving their marks; there an osier bed has forced it to turn +aside; but just beyond, it has straightened its path and continued +east once more. All this I think of.</p> + +<p>And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with +another newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age +insurance?</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">II</h2> + +<p>On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my +time. Perhaps I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling +him I am well, and hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot +post the letters, and they grow older every day. Not that it +matters. I have tied the letters to a string that hangs from the +ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them.</p> + +<p>One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; +his clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a +laboring man. He carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in +it.</p> + +<p>"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the +woods."</p> + +<p>"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His +manner was at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the +sack without humility.</p> + +<p>"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a +man."</p> + +<p>"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving +soon?"</p> + +<p>"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn.</p> + +<p>Then he looked at me.</p> + +<p>"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. +"But I don't intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I +leave."</p> + +<p>I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my +speech.</p> + +<p>But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his +assurance. Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him +than he knew about me.</p> + +<p>When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said:</p> + +<p>"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your +floor."</p> + +<p>Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing +his sack with him, crawled in.</p> + +<p>"I could give you some coffee," I said.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his +face and panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all +night."</p> + +<p>"Are you crossing the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a +winter day on the other side, either."</p> + +<p>I gave him coffee.</p> + +<p>"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A +round of crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help +yourself."</p> + +<p>"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the +man as he ate.</p> + +<p>"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. +"I'll pay you for it."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid +that's impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's +work in Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't."</p> + +<p>"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now +there without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a +few coppers."</p> + +<p>I felt his sack and said:</p> + +<p>"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?"</p> + +<p>"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the +sack closer to him.</p> + +<p>"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, +jesting again.</p> + +<p>"I don't care what you are," he muttered.</p> + +<p>The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to +the woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. +He was a very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my +fire, with dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; +probably he had stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that +he was quick in much small knowledge that life had taught him. He +complained that his heels felt cold, and took off his boots. And no +wonder he felt cold, for where the heels of his stockings should +have been there were only great holes. He borrowed a knife to cut +away the ragged edges, and then drew on the stockings again back to +front, so that the torn soles came over his instep. When he had put +on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice and warm."</p> + +<p>He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their +hooks to inspect them, he put them back again where he had found +them. When he examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the +addresses, he did not let them go carelessly, leaving them to swing +back and forth, but held the string so that it hung motionless. I +had no reason to complain about him.</p> + +<p>He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he +said:</p> + +<p>"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?"</p> + +<p>He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move +Madame's straw to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay +on our twigs, burning resin and talking.</p> + +<p>He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though +to postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he +went to the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, +turning his head back, he asked:</p> + +<p>"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?"</p> + +<p>"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it +looks like snow; the smoke is blowing down."</p> + +<p>It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had +better leave that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay +there, I stretched, so that my hand accidentally touched his sack +again.</p> + +<p>"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my +grasp. "Don't you touch that sack, or I'll show you!"</p> + +<p>I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention +of stealing anything from him.</p> + +<p>"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you +go thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the +man, and began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three +pairs of new mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag +of barley, a side of bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few +large lumps of sugar candy. In the bottom of the bag was perhaps +half a bushel of coffee beans.</p> + +<p>No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception +of a heap of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen +elsewhere.</p> + +<p>"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said.</p> + +<p>"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," +the man replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and +walking, don't I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to +listen to you!"</p> + +<p>Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each +article in its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco +round the bacon, to protect the cloth from grease stains.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. +"I'll<br> + let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way."<br> +</p> + +<p>"How much do you want for it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he +said to himself as he spread it out.</p> + +<p>I said to the man:</p> + +<p>"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and +the world and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. +Tell me something: are you afraid your footprints will be visible +tomorrow if there's fresh snow tonight?"</p> + +<p>"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know +many paths," he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few +crowns."</p> + +<p>I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and +put it back in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him.</p> + +<p>"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces +won't be so large, and I'll be able to sell it."</p> + +<p>"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I +said, "and cut up the rest for trousers."</p> + +<p>"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right."</p> + +<p>We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's +suit, and took down the string from which the letters hung to +measure our own clothes, so as to be sure to get the measurements +right. Then we cut into the edge of the cloth, and tore it across. +In addition to one complete suit, there was enough left for two +good-sized pairs of trousers.</p> + +<p>Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, +and I bought some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the +money away in a leather purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, +and the circumstantial and poverty-stricken fashion in which he put +the money away, afterward feeling the outside of his pocket.</p> + +<p>"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't +need any more than that."</p> + +<p>"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain."</p> + +<p>It was quite decent of him.</p> + +<p>While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine +needles out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little +theft. Stealing because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length +of cloth which he was trying to sell in the forest! Theft has +indeed ceased to be a matter of great moment. This is because legal +punishment for misdemeanors of all kinds has also ceased to be of +great moment. It is only a dull, human punishment; the religious +element has been removed from the law, and a local magistrate is no +longer a man of mystic power.</p> + +<p>I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the +meaning of the oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to +the bone to hear him. We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth +Book of Moses, and the sin against the Holy Ghost, and signing your +name in the blood of a newly baptized child! Steal a sack of money +and silver treasure, if you like, and hide the sack in the hills +where on autumn evenings a blue flame will hover over the spot. But +don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and a side of +household bacon!</p> + +<p>The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he +crawled out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco +I had bought I put back into the sack, for I did not need them. +When he returned, he said:</p> + +<p>"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if +you don't mind."</p> + +<p>In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to +contribute any of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him +some dry bread to eat with it.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said.</p> + +<p>Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon +well down so that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this +he took off his leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop +to carry over one shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, +I'll find it easier to carry," he said.</p> + +<p>I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and +he stowed them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket +afterward; I also gave him a special envelope in which to keep the +money for the stamps, and tied it to the neck of the sack.</p> + +<p>"Where do you live?" I asked him.</p> + +<p>"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm +sorry to say I have a wife and children--no use denying it."</p> + +<p>"How many children have you?"</p> + +<p>"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's +something wrong with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. +My wife's ill, and a few days ago she thought she was dying and +wanted Communion."</p> + +<p>A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was +telling me a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the +village, no Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with +such a large and sick family. This, no doubt, was his meaning.</p> + +<p>Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse!</p> + +<p>I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a +ballad or a song, since we had nothing else to do.</p> + +<p>"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a +hymn."</p> + +<p>"All right; sing a hymn, then."</p> + +<p>"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--"</p> + +<p>His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and +went out.</p> + +<p>"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. +"This is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall +come within my walls again."</p> + +<p>I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no +more truck with men.</p> + +<p>"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, +Madame, I undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!"</p> + +<p>Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack.</p> + +<p>"I thought you'd gone," I said.</p> + +<p>"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, +and I say good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. +You shouldn't sneer at me, you know."</p> + +<p>"What have you done with the sack?"</p> + +<p>"I've carried it part of the way."</p> + +<p>His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a +burden on one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies +about his poverty, I said:</p> + +<p>"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, +for that matter?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a +barrel easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the +floor last Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?"</p> + +<p>We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a +moment he had chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and +splendid; I could see his jaw working.</p> + +<p>"It's nothing," I said.</p> + +<p>Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was +gone for a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he +said:</p> + +<p>"It's nothing."</p> + +<p>We lay down for the night.</p> + +<p>"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. +I fell asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during +the night restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with +you!" I heard him mutter as he crawled out of the hut.</p> + +<p>In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a +lively fire of crackling pine in the hut.</p> + +<p>Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">III</h2> + +<p>There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully +with oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's +pipe, and to think idly and slowly as one does it.</p> + +<p>There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm +crushing the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my +sleeping bag well in the snow and get the wool white again. There +is nothing in this of literature or great novels or public opinion; +does it matter? But then I haven't been toiling just to get this +coffee into my life. Literature? When Rome ruled the world, she was +no more than Greece's apprentice in literature. Yet Rome ruled the +world. Let us look too at another country we know: it fought a war +of independence the glory of which still shines, and it brought +forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it had no +literature, and has none today....</p> + +<p>Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the +moss and the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The +stump of a fir tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my +familiarity with it grow, and sometimes I stand there loving it, +for there is something in it that moves my soul. The bark is badly +broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree must have been +crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put myself in +its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the +mastodons.</p> + +<p>No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there +are many amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a +fir. Yet in your heart, you know that I am superior to you in this +as in everything else, with the single exception that I have not +your conventional accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. +About the forest and the earth you can teach me nothing, for here I +feel what no man else has felt.</p> + +<p>Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly +this may happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose +myself outside my very door, like the children of the city. I am +twelve miles out, far up the opposite bank of the Skjel River, +before I begin to get lost, and then only on a sunless day, with +perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no north or south in the +sky. Then you must know the special marks of this kind of tree and +that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous trees, the +moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those +that are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the +leaves. From all these things while there is daylight I can find my +way.</p> + +<p>But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to +get home till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to +myself. And I roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is +a crag standing with its back to the wind. Here I collect a few +armfuls of pine needles, button my jacket tight, and take a long +time to settle. No one who has not tried it knows anything of the +fine pleasure that streams through the soul as one sits in a snug +shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the time, but the +tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I put +some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. +The snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to +find a shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in +over me and form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am +quite safe, and may sleep or wake as I please; there will be no +danger of freezing my feet.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of +them called to me:</p> + +<p>"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?"</p> + +<p>I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question +was too stupid.</p> + +<p>"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I +<em>seen</em> a man go by?"</p> + +<p>So much for him!</p> + +<p>"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you +in the name of the law."</p> + +<p>"Oh."</p> + +<p>I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my +hut.</p> + +<p>The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said:</p> + +<p>"Did you <em>see</em> a man pass by here yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said.</p> + +<p>They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they +left the hut and returned to the village.</p> + +<p>I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of +his duties, how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses +for the capture and transport of the criminal; there will be honor +in having carried out the deed. All mankind should adopt this man +because he is its son, created in its image! Where are the irons? +He would rattle the links a little and lift them on his arm like +the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his terrifying power +to put people in irons ... I feel nothing.</p> + +<p>And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They +instantly miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the +police.</p> + +<p>From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies +still too near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the +frost has gone out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I +have chosen a spot in the forest which I think I shall like. It is +twenty-four miles from the village and eighteen across the +fjeld.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">IV</h2> + +<p>Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some +days in succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying +good morning and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man +I imagined beside me, we carried on a long, intelligent +conversation, but if it was a woman, I was polite: "Let me carry +your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the Lapp's daughter I +seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and offered to +carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her skin; +tut, tut.</p> + +<p>Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will +not build that peat hut still further away from them.</p> + +<p>The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in +the winter I suffered privation and learned much in order to master +myself. It has taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it +cannot be denied that I am paying for my education rather dearly. +Sometimes I have been needlessly stern with myself.</p> + +<p>"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it +doesn't interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for +twelve hours, it will mean something to you," I said, and hid the +bread away.</p> + +<p>That was in the winter.</p> + +<p>Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great +that I could do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of +the forest. But even in the heart of the forest no man dares speak +aloud without looking round; rather, he walks in silence. For a +time you console yourself that it's typically English to be silent, +it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you find this has gone too +far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and suddenly to shout +nonsense.</p> + +<p>"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!"</p> + +<p>Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a +quarter of a mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a +slap. If only you had kept your regal silence! One day the postman +who crosses the fjeld once a month came on me just as I had +shouted.</p> + +<p>"What?" he called from the wood.</p> + +<p>"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a +trap."</p> + +<p>But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the +spring that causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no +longer fear a shout more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and +pans as I cook, and I sing at the top of my voice. It is +spring.</p> + +<p>Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry +woods. They have a different expression now; they have gone gray +and bedraggled, and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and +diminished it. There are catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the +underbrush, looking like letters of the alphabet piled in a heap. +The moon rises, the stars break forth. I am cold and shiver a +little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and prefer to shiver +as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so foolish, but +went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is the +spring.</p> + +<p>The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. +There is a great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, +teeming worlds, so tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling +bell; as I look at them, I can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, +certainly I am being drawn more and more toward the grassy slopes +of spring.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">V</h2> + +<p>I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my +back, and leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame."</p> + +<p>That was the end.</p> + +<p>I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of +sadness--as I always do on leaving a place that has been my home +for some time. But all the world stands outside calling to me. +Indeed I am like all lovers of the woods and fields; wordlessly we +had agreed to meet, and as I sat there last night, I felt my eyes +being drawn to the door.</p> + +<p>Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up +from the chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave +back.</p> + +<p>The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue +haze over the forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful +piratical coast in the sky before me. The mountains are all on my +left.</p> + +<p>After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I +press on swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" +as it swishes; whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give +myself food.</p> + +<p>No, you have not my pleasures in the town.</p> + +<p>I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of +living, and nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my +back had no weight, taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself +a little; but an overexertion to which one is driven by inner +content is easy to bear. In my solitude, many miles from men and +houses, I am in a childishly happy and carefree state of mind, +which you are incapable of understanding unless someone explains it +to you. I play a little game with myself, pretending to have +discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay little +attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and +gaze.</p> + +<p>"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--"</p> + +<p>I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod +sagely, saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. +And I take out my notebook and describe it.</p> + +<p>Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. +Children have done it before me. And here comes no postman to +surprise me. As suddenly as I have begun the game, I end it again, +as children do. But for a moment I was transported back to the +dear, foolish bliss of childhood.</p> + +<p>Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that +made me playful and happy!</p> + +<p>Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I +reach the Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but +kindness, a Lapp hut contains little that is interesting. There are +spoons and knives of bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin +lamp hangs from the roof. The Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who +can neither tell fortunes nor conjure. His daughter has gone across +the field; she has learned to read, but not to write, at the +village school. The two old people, husband and wife, are fools. +The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I ask them a +question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I am +not a Lapp, and so they distrust me.</p> + +<p>All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a +while. In the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a +few degrees of frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and +silent above the earth.</p> + +<p>Heigh-ho--what untuned strings!</p> + +<p class="poetry"> But where are the birds all gone +away,<br> + and what kind of place is this?<br> + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs,<br> + in this world that is dead, no event occurs;<br> + I stand in a silvermine.<br> + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss<br> + a homely, well-known outline.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> And so he came to a silver wood--<br> + thus ran an ancient tale.<br> + Here rests a song of shimmering fire<br> + as though it were sung by a starry choir.<br> + And swift in my youth, I leap<br> + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male,<br> + and awaken a maid from her sleep.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Today I smile at childish tales,<br> + old age has made me wise.<br> + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod,<br> + now by age my foot is heavily shod;<br> + yet my heart--my heart would fly.<br> + I am driven by fire and bound by ice,<br> + no rest nor repose have I.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> A shuddering chill falls on the +night,<br> + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold.<br> + There passed a great gust through the silver lace<br> + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace<br> + on paws that are soundless and still.<br> + It may be a god on his evening stroll.<br> + The roots of the forest thrill.<br> +</p> + +<p>When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, +and sat eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, +conceived in a snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. +"<em>Boris</em>!" they said and fell on their noses.</p> + +<p>She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop +in the village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she +pushed the cups and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday +jacket with pretty strips of the cloth. All the while she never +spoke a word, because a stranger was in the room.</p> + +<p>"You know me, Olga, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Mm."</p> + +<p>"But you look so angry."</p> + +<p>"M-no."</p> + +<p>"How's the snow track across the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"All right."</p> + +<p>I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, +and asked:</p> + +<p>"How far is it to your old hut?"</p> + +<p>"Not far," said Olga.</p> + +<p>Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not +smile at me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her +vanity and sewing wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no +doubt, she will wear it to church and meet the man whose eyes it is +meant to gladden.</p> + +<p>I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, +these human grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon +and the moon was bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a +further supply of reindeer cheese and whatever other food I could +get, I left the hut. But what a surprise: the bright moonlight was +gone, and the sky was overcast; there was no frost, only mild +weather and wet woods. It was spring.</p> + +<p>When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why +should I listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into +the woods to direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, +her feathers ruffled like a hen's.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VI</h2> + +<p>It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I +found myself high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the +path. What is that dark shape there? A mountain peak. And that over +there? Another peak. Let us pitch camp on the spot, then.</p> + +<p>There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. +I sat in the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and +many experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it +is, too, to have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the +open!</p> + +<p>During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me +under my crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, +that a sound still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or +sung in my sleep. Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to +look about me. It was dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky +was paler than the ring of mountains round me; I lay in the center +of a city of peaks, at the foot of a great cliff, huge to the point +of deformity. The wind began to blow, and suddenly there was a +booming in the distance. Then came a streak of lightning, and +immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic avalanche +between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran +through me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt +before, and I gave it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and +humorous abandon. Many a thought ran through my mind, witticisms +alternating with moments of such great sorrow that I lay sighing +deeply. The lightning and thunder came closer, and it began to +rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were overpowering; all nature +was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to conquer the night by +shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of my strength +and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are sheer +incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? +But I nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. +Perhaps after all they are only stuffed mountains.</p> + +<p>More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as +though the near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred +times through me. Never mind. I have read about many battles and +been in a rain of bullets before this. Yet in a moment of sadness +and humility in the presence of the powers about me, I weep and +think:</p> + +<p>"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing +already?"</p> + +<p>And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives.</p> + +<p>A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped +over my very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the +sleeping bag and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was +lightning and more thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not +listened to Olga's advice and remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps +whose magic powers are doing this? The Lapps? Those human mites, +those mountain dwarfs! What is all this noise to me? I made a +feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, for I was +among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with the +thunder.</p> + +<p>I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand +shouting and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him +with milk-blue eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a +mountain would be so hard. But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; +did you think I should waste my good brain chasing such rainbows? +You lie. Here I lean against the whole world, and you, perhaps, +believe the blue of my eyes....</p> + +<p>At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it +happened to me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of +my jacket. The lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to +the ground. I felt a sensation of heat, and saw that the ground +farther down the mountain was struck a loud blow and then split. A +great oppression held me down; a spear of darkness shot through me. +And then it thundered beyond all measure, not long and rumbling, +but firm and clear and rattling.</p> + +<p>The storm passed on.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VII</h2> + +<p>Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, +struck by lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, +as after a punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck +made me overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting +the ground, and I avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I +was not even out of temper when I had to retrace my steps across +the fjeld to find my way again to the hut. I had time; there was no +hurry. I was the first tourist of the spring season, and far too +early.</p> + +<p>So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at +night verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had +become a real poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes +had taken place within me since the winter, when I had desired +nothing but to lie blinking my eyes and be left in peace.</p> + +<p>One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut +and walked about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been +thinking of writing some children's verses, addressed to a certain +little girl, but nothing had come of it. Now as I walked on the +mountainside, I felt again a desire for this pastime, and worked at +it on several occasions, but could not get it into shape. The +night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time when such +things come to one.</p> + +<p>So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good +store of food. There were many people in this district, and it did +me good to hear human speech and laughter again; but there was no +place here where I could stay, and in any case I had come too +early. I had much to carry on my way home to my hut again. About +halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a vagabond, whose name was +Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son of a telegraph +operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation before.</p> + +<p>That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass +with my burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, +"I shouldn't have run over you in any case, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I +told him it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned +away. I thought that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he +carried nothing that looked like provisions, I offered him some of +mine in order to make him talk a little. He thanked me and +accepted.</p> + +<p>He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in +his twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the +swaggering fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping +from under the peak of his cap; but he wore no beard. This +full-grown man still shaved without growing tired of doing so, and +this, together with his fringe of hair and his general manner, gave +me the impression that he wished to seem younger than he was.</p> + +<p>We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful +mood, and since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a +laughing iron mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was +only one thing: I had been silent for so long that I talked now +perhaps too readily; and if it happened that both this boy Solem +and I spoke at once, he would stop immediately to let me have my +say. When this had happened several times, I grew tired of winning, +and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and say: "Go +ahead."</p> + +<p>I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange +trees, and writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a +hut, but that today I had finished my stock of provisions and had +had to go to the village. When he heard about the hut, he stopped +chewing, and sat as though he were listening; then he said hastily: +"Yes, in a way I know these telegraph poles across the mountains +very well. Not these particular poles, but others. I was a linesman +till not long ago."</p> + +<p>"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I +added.</p> + +<p>He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to +put him in the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and +rested, and found my crisp-bread there.</p> + +<p>"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he +said.</p> + +<p>We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, +nor did he dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to +such an extent that I valued his good behavior.</p> + +<p>He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude +for the food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the +stranger returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a +note on the table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an +extremely ill-mannered epistle, full of obscene expressions. When +Solem saw what I was reading, his iron face broke into a smile. I +pretended not to understand the note and threw it back on the +table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of +doing that sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here."</p> + +<p>Soon after this he went out.</p> + +<p>He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying +me by washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other +ways. There was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the +Lapps lived there--which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but +Solem stopped the cracks with bacon fat and boiled my clothes in +it. It was very funny to watch him imperturbably skimming off the +fat that floated up.</p> + +<p>He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions +again, and then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I +was going the other way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the +great peaks of the Tore, where summer visitors stayed and many +travelers passed, he wanted to go there, too. He was a bird of +passage.</p> + +<p>"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm +used to farm work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VIII</h2> + +<p>The bustle of spring season had already started at the great +farm; men and animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing +the whole day long, and the goats had long since been let out to +pasture.</p> + +<p>It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had +cleared an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart +from that, all the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new +houses had been built here as the traffic over the fjelds +increased, and gargoyles, homelike and Norwegian, sat on the gable +ends, while the sound of a piano came from the living-room. Do you +know the place? You have been here, and the people of the farm have +asked after you.</p> + +<p>Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from +solitude. I speak to the young people who own the homestead now, +and to the husband's old father and young sister Josephine. The old +man leaves his room to look at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps +ninety; his eyes are worn and half-crazed, and his figure has +shrunk to nothing. He toils with both hands to drag himself into +the day, and each time it is as though he left his mother's womb +anew and found a world before him:</p> + +<p>"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as +he gazes at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at +them, too, and thinks:</p> + +<p>"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a +doorway...."</p> + +<p>And he stands still a long time staring at it.</p> + +<p>But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and +plays the piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the +garden, her feet are like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is +to the visitors! Surely she has seen us coming a long way off, +Solem and myself, and sat down to play the piano. She has gray, +pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm an old +observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion.</p> + +<p>It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. +But she is only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. +Ordinarily she has no time for such work, for she is too busy at +her indoor tasks, waiting at table and watering the flowers and +chatting with me about who climbed the Tore Peak last summer, and +who did it the summer before that. These are Josephine's tasks.</p> + +<p>Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while +watching Solem, who has been put to carting manure, then drift on +down through the wood to the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, +barns with room for two cows and a couple of goats in each, +half-naked children playing homemade games outside the barns, +quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places cart manure +on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on the +ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the +houses, but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know +the life of labor, and well do I like it.</p> + +<p>It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads +were tiny but the fences surrounding the land included a good +section of forest. When the ground was cleared all the way to the +fence, this would be a farm with five cows and a horse. Good +luck!</p> + +<p>The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting +away, green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break +out in the woods. My original intention to make great irons hot +within me is unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I +must be an incredible fool. I do not even know with any certainty +if there are irons in me still, or whether I can shape them if +there are. Since the winter, life has made me lonely and small; I +idle and loiter here, remembering that once things were different. +Now that I have reached daylight and men again, I begin to +understand all this. I was a different person once. The wave has +its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had I. +Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me.</p> + +<p>What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to +mourn. Life is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At +times I have had gold and silver and copper and iron and other +small metals; it was a great delight to live in the world, much +greater than an endless life away from the world; but pleasure +cannot last. I know of no one who has not been through the same +thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they have +declined! But they themselves have said:</p> + +<p>"See how everything is better!"</p> + +<p>At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a +vegetating existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And +the irons were no longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by +heaven, how stubbornly Simplicity insisted the irons were there, +insisted that they were red.</p> + +<p>"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!"</p> + +<p>As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another +twenty years from one who has already begun to perish! I have no +use for such a way of thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with +your cheerful mediocrity and school education. A one-armed man can +still walk; a one-legged man can lie down. Has the forest taught +you nothing, then? What have I learned in the forest? <em>That +young trees grow there</em>.</p> + +<p>In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, +barbarously scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by +stupidity and degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know +nothing more despicable than your school education and your +school-education standards. Whether you have a catechism or a +compass by which to guide your life is all the same; come here, my +friend, and I will give you a compass made of my latest iron.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">IX</h2> + +<p>A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master +of the house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for +Solem, why, he, too, went with him so that he might know the way +for later tourists. We found the fat, short, and thin-haired +stranger standing in the yard, an elderly, well-to-do man who +walked for the sake of his health and the last twenty years of his +life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze beneath her +skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and its +earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he +brought out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, +young-girl's fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was +given two crowns for acting as guide, and that was good pay. All +went so well that the master himself was content.</p> + +<p>"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us +in peace," he added.</p> + +<p>By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he +and his household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor +road would be opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a +question whether the tourist traffic might not be deflected there. +His wife and Josephine were a little afraid it would be; but he +himself had held as long as possible to the opinion that all their +regular visitors who had come again year after year would remain +faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars they might have +in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore range +anywhere but here.</p> + +<p>The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he +had much timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built +into new cottages, with six new guestrooms, a great hall with +reindeer horns and log chairs, and a bathroom. But what was the +matter with him today; was he beginning to doubt? "If only they +would leave us in peace," he said.</p> + +<p>A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a +cottage to herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and +fashionable, this Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. +She was a charming lady, and her little daughters were well-grown, +handsome children. They curtsied to me, making me feel, I don't +know why, as though they were giving me flowers. A strange +feeling.</p> + +<p>Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for +the summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would +stay a week. Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen +and Palm, and still later Associate Schoolmaster Höy and several +others--tradesmen, telephone operators, a few people from Bergen, +one or two Danes. There were many of us at table now, and the talk +was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was asked if he wanted more +soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no more!" and then +rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct thing to +say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient +guests there were few or none at all, and it was really on these +that the house would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single +meals, on cups of coffee. Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, +and her young fingers grew more greedy as they counted silver +coins.</p> + +<p>Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of +the guests were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others +praised both the food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress +Torsen wanted to leave. She was tall and handsome and wore a red +hat on her dark hair; but there were no suitable young men here, +and in the long run it was a bore to waste her holidays so +completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both Africa and +America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing.</p> + +<p>"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us.</p> + +<p>"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered.</p> + +<p>They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to +the woods together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt +did not amount to much either; he was short and freckled, and +talked of nothing but money and trade. Besides, he had only a small +shop in the town, and dealt in tobacco and fruit. No, he did not +amount to much.</p> + +<p>One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss +Torsen. She was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and +reserved, but sometimes talkative, lively, and perhaps a little +inconsiderate, too. We sat in the living room, with people coming +and going continually, but she did not let that disturb her, and +talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she sometimes clasped +her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we had been +sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said:</p> + +<p>"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?"</p> + +<p>She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she +turned away and went on talking, looking very proud and determined +as she did so. No doubt she had many good qualities; she was +twenty-seven, she said, and sick and tired of a teacher's life.</p> + +<p>But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first +place?</p> + +<p>"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The +girls next door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to +study languages, as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded +so fine. We were going to be independent and earn a lot of money. +That's what I thought! Have a home, however small, that was quite +my own. How we slogged away all through school! Some of the girls +had money, but those of us who were poor couldn't dress like them, +and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And so we came to avoid +all work at home for the sake of our hands.</p> + +<p>"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them +such fine gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, +of course, but he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave +us banknotes--me, anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was +Flaten; his father was a merchant. Of course, he being so handsome +and dashing, we wanted to be nice to him too. I should have done +anything he asked; I used to pray to God for him.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and +pretty. That was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and +mending fell to the lot of my mother and sisters; we students +wouldn't do anything but sit round being very learned and getting +seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as I don't mind admitting. It +was in the course of those years that we acquired all the distorted +ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew dull with school +wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy about our +sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on our +examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the +family.</p> + +<p>"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at +forty <em>kroner</em> a month. Because now there was no longer +anything in the least extraordinary about us students--we were no +rarity, there were hundreds of us--forty <em>kroner</em> was the +most they gave us. Thirty went to Father and Mother for our keep, +and ten for ourselves. It wasn't enough. We had to have pretty +clothes for the office, and we were young, we liked to walk out; +but everything was too dear for us, we went into debt, and some of +us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow school +life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before +any experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and +with such antecedents, of course, there was first-rate +mismanagement in the home; others disappeared to America. But +probably all of them are still boasting their languages and their +examinations. It's all they have left--not happiness or health or +innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!"</p> + +<p>"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good +salaries?"</p> + +<p>"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over +again. As though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't +sacrificed enough for our sakes already! There was cramming again +for long periods, and then we began life in the schoolroom--to give +to others the same unnatural upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, +yes, ours was a noble vocation; it was almost like being +missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to talk about +something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please."</p> + +<p>Tradesman Batt opened the door and said:</p> + +<p>"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now."</p> + +<p>"Oh, leave me alone," she replied.</p> + +<p>Tradesman Batt withdrew.</p> + +<p>"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of +the window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such +liberties."</p> + +<p>How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed!</p> + +<p>Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that +Miss Torsen had recently lost her post at the school, where +indulgence had been exercised for a long time toward her eccentric +methods of teaching.</p> + +<p>So that was it.</p> + +<p>But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">X</h2> + +<p>The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here +owes a huge debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, +valuable plots of land to his cotters. I am finding out many things +now. Mrs. Brede with the handsome, well-modeled head knows +something about everything, for her many summers at the farm have +given her knowledge. When she talks about conditions here, she need +not grope for words.</p> + +<p>The master has taken a large mortgage.</p> + +<p>No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new +buildings and flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the +red-painted well house--all give an impression of great prosperity. +The rooms, too, make a good impression. I shall not speak of the +piano, but here are pictures on the walls and photographs of the +farm seen from all angles; good newspapers are kept and there is a +selection of novels on the tables; though guests sometimes take +books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a thing +like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the +background. In short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is +a fortune here. And why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort +for tourists and pensioners?</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its +interior and exterior furnishings costs more than the business is +worth. Manufacturer Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is +why Mrs. Brede comes here every year with her children, to get +their dividends in board and lodging.</p> + +<p>No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own +house.</p> + +<p>"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. +"Travelers stopped here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it +cost nothing to run the place then. But the tourist traffic has +forced him to make improvements and enlargements. You have to keep +pace with development, and be as good as other such places in the +country; they're all competing. And probably the master here is not +the right man to carry on such an irregular and capricious +business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets the +farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the +farm from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end +with the cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, +Paul's."</p> + +<p>"How can the cotters get power to do that?"</p> + +<p>"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest +with three or four goats each, first one of them, then the other +one, working down in the village and coming home with food and +money, and all the time clearing their own ground. The goats grew +more numerous, a cow was added, they bought more virgin land, and +they acquired still more livestock. They sowed grain and planted +potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner here buys root +vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with such +things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says +it's not worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring +enough men to run the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the +spring season that the tourists start coming, and then the men are +constantly being interrupted in their work on the farm to pilot +tourists across the fjeld, or to do this or that for the guests. +And this goes on all through the short summer months; for several +years, they haven't even found the time to spread all their manure. +But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists are all +rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my +husband says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's +outlying fields."</p> + +<p>On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told +me with a shake of the head that she herself knew very little about +it, and had all her information from her husband. The fact was that +every time these cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from +Paul, her husband had to give his consent. This was because of the +mortgage, and this, too, was how they had learned of these matters. +Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of fact, was most anxious to be +released from his undertaking, but this was by no means easy. It +was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the new +automobile route.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with +her little girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. +One day, for example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs +broken, and all the guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and +bandages for the wound; but Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she +was, experienced, wise, and a little surprised at all the +excitement.</p> + +<p>"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter +it."</p> + +<p>The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two +little girls were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in +important business, for he spent a large part of the year in +Iceland, and traveled a good deal elsewhere as well. This, too, the +lady bore quietly. And yet she was still young and handsome, a +little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a lovely, +unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark.</p> + +<p>But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One +evening when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do +her a service, I saw that her face was strange and covered with +blushes. Would Solem come to her room and repair a window-blind +that had fallen down? It was late in the evening, and the lady +seemed to have been in bed already, and to have risen again. Solem +did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, and clung for +a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come....</p> + +<p>What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede departed.</p> + +<p>But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her +mind. Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position +herself.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XI</h2> + +<p>An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across +the fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this +year? Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would +"do" the mountain peaks of Norway--where were they?</p> + +<p>At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were +middle-aged, unshaven and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or +something of that sort, but quite as speechless and uncivil as the +grandest of the traveling British clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they +called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them was any different from +what we had grown to expect; these two traveled brainlessly and +solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a purpose, +behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him +a fifty-<em>öre</em> bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he +told me afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but +nothing came of that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown +spoiled and insolent from all his idling with tourists.</p> + +<p><em>"Mehr,</em> more," said he.</p> + +<p>No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and +struck his hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, +and one <em>krone</em> made its appearance. But on Solem's taking +the noble lord by the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two +<em>kroner</em> were at last forthcoming.</p> + +<p>At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, +huntsmen, fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a +tremendous commotion at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent +double under all the orders he received, and Josephine ran, flew at +every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up her sitting room to three +English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded together as close +as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep my bed +because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it +matter for a night!"</p> + +<p>Then I went out.</p> + +<p>If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a +resort in the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is +the meaning of all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the +animals not at rest? The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs +has got in. Or--<em>have</em> some of the visiting dogs got in? +Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and circles; nothing is new, all +returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. The Romans ruled the +world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so invincible, that +they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could afford to +live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and animals. +Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only +sat--sat and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less +rulers of the world than the Romans.</p> + +<p>They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' +shed; I was merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to +accept the ways of the mighty tourists. But they themselves +belonged to that nation of gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one +day the wholesome Gothic soul will castigate to death....</p> + +<p>The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs +began to bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and +doors began to bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, +these travelers; they were running to catch the doctor. They had +breakfast in two sessions, but though the household was bent double +before them and gave of its best, they were not satisfied. "If we +had only known a little earlier," said Paul. But they muttered that +we should just wait; there were motor cars in other places. Then +Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who lived under +the Tore peaks:</p> + +<p>"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? +And I'm planning to get a telephone...."</p> + +<p>The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and +departed, accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying +trunks.</p> + +<p>Peace descended on us again.</p> + +<p>Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting +plants round the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table +in a very learned fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out +their peculiarities. Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at +school.</p> + +<p>"Here you see an <em>Artemis cotula</em>," he said.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the +name and said:</p> + +<p>"Yes, take plenty of it with you."</p> + +<p>"What for?"</p> + +<p>"It's insect powder."</p> + +<p>Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good +deal of discussion in which Associate Master Höy had to take a +hand.</p> + +<p>No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could +classify plants and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. +The peasant children in his neighborhood were ignorant of these +classes and names, and he could teach them. He enjoyed that so +much.</p> + +<p>But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut +down one year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him +religious and silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches +of trees, and the grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great +heaven of all the universe--were these his friends?</p> + +<p><em>Artemis cotula</em>....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XII</h2> + +<p>When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies.... +Sometimes I think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the +Associate Master gravely keeps her company; they talk about the +servants at home whose only desire is to stay out all night. Mrs. +Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but probably she has at one +time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as though they were +cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few years ago, +her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth seemed +to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was +in Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. +And here is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is +it only for her health, or are she and the Associate Master +possibly children of the same provincial town?</p> + +<p>When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies, I leave +them and go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows +where I keep myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be +different from the Associate Master, who is very far from being so +settled. So I go out. It is a bright day with just the right amount +of warmth, and my summer woods are filled with the fragrance of +plants. I rest frequently, not because I need to, but because the +ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no one can find me; +only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms or men, no +one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which is +green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which +looks as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so +thin and lonely.</p> + +<p>You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel +a kind of sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It +was like meeting a child.</p> + +<p>With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit +across the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist +sways in slow rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, +fluctuates and strains to give birth to something. But when I rise +to walk on, the end is not yet in sight.</p> + +<p>I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. +They neither toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace +my steps to see if I can find their leader, but it is useless: +farther and farther I retreat, I begin to run, but the procession +is endless before and behind me. Perhaps they started a week ago. +So I go on my way, and the other insects go on theirs.</p> + +<p>Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an +embrace, in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to +stamp or weigh it down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and +defenseless, indulgent like a mother. To think of an ant walking on +this! Here and there lie stones, half-covered with moss, not +because they have fallen there, but because this is their home, and +they have lived here long. This is peerless.</p> + +<p>When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on +another peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little +cow with red and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me +and caws down at me in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against +the stone. A warm thrill runs through me, and I feel, as I have +done in the woods so many times before, that someone has just been +here, and has stepped to one side. Someone is with me here, and a +moment later I see his back disappearing into the woods. "It is +God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor singing. I only +see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It was God," +I think.</p> + +<p>"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I +reply. "Am I making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the +Mohammedans their god, the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one +knows God, my friend; man knows only gods. And sometimes I meet +mine."</p> + +<p>I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the +one I came by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I +reach a great ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse +myself, I pretend to be tired, flinging myself on the ground +exactly as though someone were watching me and saw how exhausted I +am. It is only for my amusement, because my brain has been idle so +long. The sky is clear everywhere; the clusters of mist over the +Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but they have stolen away. +In their place, an eagle swings in great circles over the valley. +Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring as though +held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to +watch him. At length he disappears behind the peaks.</p> + +<p>And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper +trees. What miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin +perhaps hold some meaning; they have lain here for thousands of +years, but perhaps they, too, roam, and make an inexpressible +journey. The glaciers move, the land rises, and the land falls; +there is no hurry here. But since my consciousness cannot associate +fact with such a conception, it grows blind with fury and revolts: +The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game!</p> + +<p>This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of +stone. It's a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, +and perhaps a well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But +heaven protect me just the same from the inhabitants of these +towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, neither do they attract thieves; +they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: that is what I hold against +them, that they make no fiery gestures; it would become them to +roll a little, but there they lie, with even their sex unknown. But +you saw the eagle instead! Be still....</p> + +<p>A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the +flowers and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only +trembles.</p> + +<p>I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's +house.</p> + +<p>"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," +I tell him in the course of our conversation.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies +cunningly. In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has +seen what it leads to.</p> + +<p>I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the +ground. He thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an +animal that sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had +bought a slightly larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would +feed one cow more; but he himself had only got this bit of a field. +Still, this would amount to something, too, as long as he kept his +health to work it.</p> + +<p>He gripped his spade again.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIII</h2> + +<p>Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, +but some of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded +and said, Yes, he was the right sort.</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Höy +asked, looking up from his plate.</p> + +<p>No one answered.</p> + +<p>Then Associate Master Höy could not help smiling broadly, and +said:</p> + +<p>"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've +never paid any attention to him."</p> + +<p>Associate Master Höy might look at Solem all he pleased; he +would grow no bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Höy +was annoyed, and that was the truth. It is catching for a woman to +discover that a man is "the right sort"; the other women grow +curious, and stick their noses into it: "So-o-o, is he?" And a few +days later the whole flock of them are of one opinion: "Yes, +indeed, he's the right sort!"</p> + +<p>Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then!</p> + +<p>Poor Mr. Höy; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for +Solem. To tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much +about the matter, but she could not lag behind the others.</p> + +<p>"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Höy, and smiled +again. He was intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and +pretty.</p> + +<p>At the next meal, Mr. Höy could contain himself no longer.</p> + +<p>"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem."</p> + +<p>"Well?"</p> + +<p>"Common sneak-thief!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, shame!"</p> + +<p>"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue +chin, a perfect horse-face...."</p> + +<p>"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation +after all, I thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite +a little cushion over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched +up. She had eaten well and slept well, and improved at this resort. +Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has plenty of life left in her.</p> + +<p>This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate +Master Höy! For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of +a lawyer, and he talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had +there been anything between her and Mr. Höy? True, he was not much +to look at, but then neither was she.</p> + +<p>The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the +social sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the +principle of the referendum. At first he had worked a few years in +an architect's office, he told us, but then he had changed to the +law instead, which in its turn had led him into social problems. No +doubt he was a rich and unselfish man to be able to change his +vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, Switzerland!" he said, and +his eyes watered. None of us could understand his fervor.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said.</p> + +<p>The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite +incapable of restraining himself.</p> + +<p>Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about +him lately. He's ten times better than many another."</p> + +<p>"There, you see!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he +is. And what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame +goat."</p> + +<p>"Did you stop to watch that?"</p> + +<p>"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. +And later I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. +I can well understand that the ladies see something in him."</p> + +<p>How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the +wife of the captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and +remain faithful to her Chinaman.</p> + +<p>"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said +Mrs. Molie.</p> + +<p>Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate +Master into jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight?</p> + +<p>But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Höy's +torment and wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Höy just +expressed himself kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who +one fine evening had caused her to tear down her window blind? +There is cause and effect in all things.</p> + +<p>"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then +she reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about +Switzerland; but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, +and I've never in my life been so cheated."</p> + +<p>The lawyer only smiled at this.</p> + +<p>Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, +watchmakers and the Alps and Calvin--</p> + +<p>"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said +the Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with +suppressed rage.</p> + +<p>"Really, really, Associate Höy!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm +with a smile.</p> + +<p>But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by +telling them all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that +model for all small countries of the world. What social conditions, +what a referendum, what planning in the exploitation of the +country's natural wonders! There they had sanatoriums; there they +knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous!</p> + +<p>"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It +smells like tourists' feet."</p> + +<p>Dead silence. So Associate Master Höy was prepared to go to such +lengths!</p> + +<p>"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish +voice mildly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Höy replied. "Just the +thing for Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair."</p> + +<p>Laughter.</p> + +<p>Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could +safely continue:</p> + +<p>"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we +should not be so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest +investigations in that country that they are ahead of us in every +respect. We have everything to learn from them: their frugality, +their diligence, their long working hours, the small home +industries--"</p> + +<p>"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Höy. "All trifles, +nothingness, negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the +mercy of its neighbors ought not to be a model for any other +country on earth. We must try to rise above the wretched stench of +it, which only makes us ill. The big countries and big +circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, even the small +things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. A child +can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state +of affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to +be its model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland +really amounts to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the +smallest and meanest country as our model? Things are small enough +here anyhow. Switzerland is the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard +of a young South American country of Norway's size trying to be on +a level with Switzerland? Why do you think Sweden is taking such +great strides forward now? Not because it looks to Switzerland, or +to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for that! But what about +us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation stuck up in our +mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--"</p> + +<p>The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to +indicate that he wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his +voice:</p> + +<p>"Just a moment!"</p> + +<p>The Associate Master stopped.</p> + +<p>"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the +lawyer, preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in +the country you speak of?"</p> + +<p>"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master.</p> + +<p>There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And +then it all came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had +known all the time that Mr. Höy had been on a traveling scholarship +in Switzerland, but she had never mentioned it. What a snake in the +grass! She had even encouraged the lawyer, but no one else, to talk +about Switzerland.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Höy has been in +Switzerland" she said, as though to clinch the matter.</p> + +<p>"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the +country with different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly +anxious to end the controversy.</p> + +<p>"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, +who seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after +generation, filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their +mountains. But it's a country without folk music or folk tales. I +suppose you think we ought to work hard to resemble the Swiss in +that, too?"</p> + +<p>"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen.</p> + +<p>Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did.</p> + +<p>At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the +window as she said:</p> + +<p>"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland +before, Mr. Associate Master."</p> + +<p>This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to +annihilate her, but he restrained himself and remained silent.</p> + +<p>"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him.</p> + +<p>"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't +understand it, I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm +accustomed to explaining to children."</p> + +<p>Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling +patiently.</p> + +<p>"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to +yours," the lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that +this was one thing I knew something about, however...."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on +the point of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still +for a moment, and then followed her, whistling and putting on as +brave a manner as though he felt quite easy in his mind.</p> + +<p>"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of +the company, namely myself.</p> + +<p>And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied:</p> + +<p>"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both +sides."</p> + +<p>Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a +mediator, for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's +early seventies, one still has many pathetically young ideas.</p> + +<p>The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus:</p> + +<p>"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for +being able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain +resort. We get tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and +earn money and pay off our debts. Ask this man if he would have +been willing to do without all we have learned from +Switzerland...."</p> + +<p>That evening Mrs. Brede asked,</p> + +<p>"Why did you make Mr. Höy look so unreasonable today, Mrs. +Molie?"</p> + +<p>"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!"</p> + +<p>As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really +been innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate +Master set off up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and +remained away till midday. If they had the matter out between them, +then no doubt the lady spoke to her much-tried friend as +follows:</p> + +<p>"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! +What an idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give +him a good dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're +the silliest, sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIV</h2> + +<p>Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no +other visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a +manner of speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us +still believe there will be more visitors, because after all we're +the only ones that have the Tore peaks!</p> + +<p>But no one appears.</p> + +<p>The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and +do not complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things +quietly; he sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but +once or twice I have seen him walking away from the house at night, +walking in deep thought toward the woods.</p> + +<p>From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor +traffic has started there now. So this is the explanation of the +quiet in our valley! Then one day a Dane came down to us from the +fjeld. He had climbed the Tore peaks from the other side, something +that had been thought impossible till now. He had simply driven in +a car to the foot of the mountains and walked across!</p> + +<p>So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either.</p> + +<p>I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow +green-fodder in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at +any rate, had been his original intention, but then came the great +caravan, and he neglected it. Now, of course, the season is too far +advanced for sowing, and there will be nothing but docks and +chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at least, and sown? Why +didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking the woods at +night?</p> + +<p>But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in +farming was diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has +remained. He hears that our lawyer is also an architect and asks +him to draw a plan for the big new house with the six rooms, the +hall and the bathroom. Paul has already ordered the log chairs and +the reindeer horns for the hall.</p> + +<p>"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the +cars coming here too," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can +do something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must +have a road."</p> + +<p>The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round +to look at the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. +Paul was already quite convinced that three or four good tourist +summers would pay it off.</p> + +<p>Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I +discovered that he smelled of brandy.</p> + +<p>Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, +travelers who were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. +Everyone's spirits rose; the strangers stayed a few days and +nights, and were guided across the fjeld by Solem, who earned a +fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and strolled about the +farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to discuss with the +lawyer about the house.</p> + +<p>"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," +he said. "I shall be away for a couple of days."</p> + +<p>So they attended to a few minor matters.</p> + +<p>"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if +I can get the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a +telephone and automobile service and so on."</p> + +<p>"Good luck!" said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about +our own affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said:</p> + +<p>"Will you go and sow the field by the river?"</p> + +<p>"Has Paul said so?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied.</p> + +<p>Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, +Josephine went down to him and said:</p> + +<p>"Harrow it once more."</p> + +<p>What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought +than the men! She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have +seen her many times with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. +And when she pretended that none but the maids milked the goats and +did outside work, it was for the good name of the house. She had +learned to play the piano for the same reason. The mistress of the +house helped her nobly, for both women were thoughtful and +industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was light as a +feather. And the chaste little hands she had!</p> + +<p>"Josephine, Joséfriendly!" I called her wittily.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XV</h2> + +<p>Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering +taking her departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she +did not need a stay in the mountains on that account, and if she +was bored, why should she stay?</p> + +<p>But a minor event caused her to stay.</p> + +<p>In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to +cultivate Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that +they felt a need to busy themselves with something, and to find +someone to make a fuss over. And here was the lad Solem. They got +into the habit of telling one another what Solem had said and what +Solem believed, and they all listened with great interest. Solem +himself had grown spoiled, and joked disrespectfully with the +ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once he had even +bragged in a most improper way, saying:</p> + +<p>"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!"</p> + +<p>"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's +chopping wood and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps +getting caught in the wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he +said: 'I wish I had time to stop so I could chop this blasted +finger right off my hand!'"</p> + +<p>"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of +doing it, too!"</p> + +<p>A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, +tying a fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was +chaste, but young.</p> + +<p>The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the +heat coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all +our strength. But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied +ourselves in various ways: some of us wrote letters or played +forfeit games in the garden, while others were so far restored that +they went for a walk "to look at nature."</p> + +<p>Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. +He had on his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of +going to bed.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said:</p> + +<p>"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?"</p> + +<p>Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his +forehead.</p> + +<p>"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. +There was a path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she +said."</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, +she paced back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. +Her red felt hat was held on the back of her head by a pin, the +brim turned up high in front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, +her shoes light.</p> + +<p>It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a +window onto her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! +Had she not toiled through her youth and gained school knowledge? +But no reality! Poor Miss Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any +other lady tonight.</p> + +<p>As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, +Miss Torsen cleared her throat.</p> + +<p>"Come with me instead!" she said.</p> + +<p>Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right."</p> + +<p>So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated +indifference, as though nothing on earth were any concern of +mine.</p> + +<p>"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already +behind the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they +hurried lest Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone.</p> + +<p>A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in +her, nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no +language; her soul was undernourished. A true woman would have +married; she would have been a man's wife, she would have been a +mother, she would have been a benediction to herself. Why pounce on +a pleasure merely to prevent others from having it? And she so tall +and handsome!</p> + +<p>The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog +approaches. Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on +the bone and crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is +approaching.</p> + +<p>It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my +mind was ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within +me the nursery rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking +verses about the juniper tree.</p> + +<p class="poetry"> To the top of the steepest +mountains,<br> + where the little juniper stands,<br> + no other tree can follow<br> + from all the forest lands.<br> + Halfway to the hilltop<br> + the shivering pine catches hold;<br> + the birch has actually passed him,<br> + though sneezing with a cold.<br> + But a little shrub outstrips them,<br> + a sturdy fellow he,<br> + and stands quite close to the summit,<br> + though he measures barely a yard.<br> + They look like a train from the valley below<br> + with the shortest one for the guard.<br> + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now--<br> + why, it's only a juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Down dale there's summer +lightning,<br> + green leaves and St. John's feast,<br> + with songs and games of children,<br> + and a dozen dances at least.<br> + But high on the empty mountain<br> + stands a shrub in lonely glory,<br> + with only the trolls that prowl about,<br> + just like in a story.<br> + The wind with the juniper's forelock<br> + is making very free;<br> + it sweeps across the world beneath<br> + that lies there helpless and bare,<br> + but the air on the heights is fresher<br> + than you'll ever find it elsewhere.<br> + None can see so far around<br> + as such a juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> There hovers over the mountain<br> + for a moment summer's breath;<br> + at once eternal winter<br> + brings back his companion, death.<br> + Yet sturdy stands the juniper<br> + with needles ever green.<br> + I wonder how the little chap<br> + can bear a life so lean.<br> + He's hard as bone and gristle,<br> + as anyone can see;<br> + when every other tree is stripped,<br> + his berries are scarlet and sleek,<br> + and every berry's plainly marked<br> + with a cross upon its cheek.<br> + So now we know what he looks like too,<br> + this jolly juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> At times I think he sings to +himself<br> + a cheerful little song:<br> + "I've got a bright blue heaven<br> + to look at all day long!"<br> + Sometimes to his juniper brothers<br> + he calls that they need not fear<br> + the trolls that are prowling and peering<br> + about them far and near.<br> + Gently the winter evening<br> + falls over the copse on the height,<br> + and a thousand stars and candles<br> + are lit in the plains of the sky.<br> + The juniper trees grow weary<br> + and nod their heads on the sly;<br> + before we know it they're fast asleep,<br> + so we say: "Good night, good night!"<br> +</p> + +<p>I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I +sent to a little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the +country, and she learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. +Brede's little girls, who stood still like two bluebells, +listening. Then they tore the paper out of my hand and ran to their +mother with it. They loved their mother very much. And she loved +them too; they had the most delightful fun together at bedtime.</p> + +<p>Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a +madness, but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did +anyone prize her for that? Who? Her husband?</p> + +<p>A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the +consequences of her being left behind for endless days.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVI</h2> + +<p>Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks +very happy about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too +restless and strange to be contented with anything.</p> + +<p>Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with +Solem, and stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up +again, she was quite all right.</p> + +<p>Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though +someone had seized her by it?</p> + +<p>She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he +were nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods +that had made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no +longer! It was like her to want nothing real, nothing but the +sensation, nothing but the triumph. Solem had not understood that, +and had flown into a passion. Had it been thus?</p> + +<p>Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more +direct and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like +"Oh, yes, that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as +strong as a man!"</p> + +<p>And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her +with gross eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself +and seem indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life +whenever she was about. But he might have saved himself the +trouble. Miss Torsen was stone-deaf to his songs.</p> + +<p>And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of +sheer defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done +before, but she began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, +sitting by his work table in the living room as he drew plans of +houses. Such is the perverse idleness of summer resorts.</p> + +<hr> +<p>So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I +begin to weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going +across the fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were +in other years, when visitors came in droves. And things will not +improve until we, too, get roads and cars.</p> + +<p>I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the +neighboring valley is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours +is only called Reisa after the river: the whole of the Reisa +district is no more than an appendage. Stordalen has all the +advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls the +neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people +there are so petty and avaricious.</p> + +<p>Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as +hopeless as he went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a +day, he stayed in his room without once emerging. When he +reappeared at last, he was aloof and reserved, pretending he had +been very successful during his absence; he should manage about the +cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had a few more +drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to +give their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with +any sense. Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the +whole appendage? Because then the caravans would come, scattering +money over the valley. They understood nothing, those fools!</p> + +<p>"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said +the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"Of course," replied Paul with finality.</p> + +<p>Then he went to his room and lay down again.</p> + +<p>On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had +toiled up themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and +now they wanted some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could +not possibly carry all the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down +in his room. I had seen Paul again during the night go out to the +woods, talking loudly and flinging his arms about as though he had +company.</p> + +<p>And here were all the strangers.</p> + +<p>Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem +across to Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help +them carry. In the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept +looking at their watches, for if they could not cross the Tore +fjeld before nightfall, they would have to spend the night +outdoors. One of them suggested to the others that perhaps this +delay was intentional. The owner of the place probably wanted them +to spend the night there; they began to grumble among themselves, +and at last they asked:</p> + +<p>"Where is the master, the host?"</p> + +<p>"He's ill," said Josephine.</p> + +<p>Solem returned and said:</p> + +<p>"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>Then Josephine said:</p> + +<p>"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!"</p> + +<p>She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and +knapsacks on her little back, and trotted off. The others +followed.</p> + +<p>I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I +would not allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from +the house would do her good. We walked together and talked on the +way: she had really no complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum +of money saved up.</p> + +<p>When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn +back. She thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with +nothing to do but walk.</p> + +<p>"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said.</p> + +<p>She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, +the daughter of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been +going with the tourists solely to carry their luggage.</p> + +<p>"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but +that can wait till the winter."</p> + +<p>We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I +threatened to throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then +she would see!</p> + +<p>"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied +Josephine, "and then <em>you'll</em> see!"</p> + +<p>By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew +what had happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted +the burden from my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of +ceremony, and told me his own and his companions' names. I must +excuse them, I really must forgive them; this was too bad, he had +been so unobserving....</p> + +<p>I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. +It is not strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me +the ape of all the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many +another groans under a burden of stupidity, which is little better. +We all have our cross to bear....</p> + +<p>Then Josephine and I turned homeward again.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; +this is because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am +troublesome to others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw +loose; people forgive me because my hair is gray. You who live by +your compass will say that I am respected for the writing I have +been doing all these years. But if that were so, I should have had +respect in my young days when I deserved it, not now when I no +longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the world--can be +expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and only +the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that +age.</p> + +<p>Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is +due, not so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born +with this ability.</p> + +<p>I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have +thought to myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no +doubt others have said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I +have gone even further than this: I have intentionally exposed +myself to direct contempt from other literary men, and this has not +hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. On the other hand, my +way of life has lent me an inner distinction for which I have a +right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet +one can endure even such a lie if one has character.</p> + +<p>You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!-- +"<em>Considering what book-writers do in the world, and what the +world does with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous +thing the world at present has to show</em>." You may quote many +others as well; they will assert that a great to-do is made over me +for my authorship as well as my native ability, and my struggle to +hammer this ability into a useful shape. And I say only what is the +truth, that most of the fuss is made because I have reached an age +in which my years are revered.</p> + +<p>And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which +makes it easy to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and +arrogant fashion. Old age should not be honored for its own sake; +it does nothing but halt and delay the march of man. The primitive +races, indeed, have no respect for old age, and rid themselves +unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A long time ago I deserved +honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than one sense, I am a +richer man and can afford to do without.</p> + +<p>Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. +"How old he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain +silent so that I may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing +nonsense!</p> + +<p>The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old +fellow and old companion; for pity's sake don't say anything +memorable to us--you should have done that when you were better +able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep us company. But don't let +your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't restrain us; you have +had your day--now it's our turn...."</p> + +<p>This is honest speech.</p> + +<p>In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers +preserve their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, +unpleasant labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she +herself works among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same +with her own daughter. It is her instinct.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVII</h2> + +<p>Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see +nothing in them that I have not known before. So I sink to the +level of watching Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But +that too is familiar and dull.</p> + +<p>Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a +delusion of greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for +the money he earns, and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, +though it is very warm; round his neck and over his chest lies a +costly silk tie tied in a sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as +he, as he well knows; he sings as he crosses the farmyard, and +considers no one too good for him now. Josephine objects to his +loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so indispensable at the +resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his own will in +many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with +the lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in +his plans. Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is +the right man for her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather +simple-minded, strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to +reconcile herself to the constant companionship of these two in the +living room, and she frequently had some errand that took her +there; what was she after, Mrs. Molie, of the ice-blue teeth?</p> + +<p>At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver +them. He began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore +range which no one had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be +conquered by him. Miss Torsen objected to this plan, and as she +grew to know him better, begged him most earnestly not to undertake +such a mad climb. So he promised with a smile to obey her wishes. +They were in such tender agreement, these two!</p> + +<p>But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it +out to his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again.</p> + +<p>"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said.</p> + +<p>So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her.</p> + +<p>The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on +the pair. One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss +Torsen and said:</p> + +<p>"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?"</p> + +<p>The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at +length:</p> + +<p>"A path? No, thank you."</p> + +<p>She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she +said:</p> + +<p>"I never heard of such brazenness!"</p> + +<p>"What got into him?" said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer.</p> + +<p>That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss +Torsen again and said:</p> + +<p>"What about that path? Shall we go now?"</p> + +<p>As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to +elude him. But Solem did not hesitate to follow her.</p> + +<p>"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If +you're insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the +farm...."</p> + +<p>But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he +was guide and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent +laborer on the farm as well. And soon the hay would have to be +brought in, and casual laborers would be engaged to work under him. +No, Solem could not be driven off. Besides, the other ladies were +on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone could save him by a word. +She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her hand.</p> + +<p>Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and +became a little more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. +Once at midday, as he was standing in the woodshed, I saw him make +a scratch with the ax across the nail of his thumb.</p> + +<p>"What on earth are you doing?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. +"When this scratch grows out--"</p> + +<p>He stopped.</p> + +<p>"What then?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said.</p> + +<p>But I had the impression that he meant to say something +different, so I probed further.</p> + +<p>"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here +long then, will you?"</p> + +<p>"Nails grow slowly," he muttered.</p> + +<p>Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping +wood.</p> + +<p>A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a +cackling hen under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and +called:</p> + +<p>"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," was the reply.</p> + +<p>Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he +wanted to behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did +everything on the farm; he was, hand and brain, indispensable.</p> + +<p>He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, +for she twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She +had stopped cackling now.</p> + +<p>"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem.</p> + +<p>Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem +still held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was +done so quickly that the two sections of the bird were still one in +my eyes; I could not grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, +and it took my sight a second or two to overtake the event. +Bewilderment was in the expression of this detached head, which +looked as though it could not believe what had happened, and raised +itself a little as if to show there was nothing the least bit +wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the +headless body reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and +spattered blood in wide arcs before it fell at last.</p> + +<p>"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem.</p> + +<p>Then he went off to fetch another hen.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVIII</h2> + +<p>I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This +would, to be sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the +farm: but who would fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you +he just lounges all day in his room, and has been doing so lately +more than ever; the guests never see him except through an +unsuccessful maneuver on his part.</p> + +<p>One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his +disregard of time, have thought the guests had already retired, but +we all sat outside in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew +himself up and saluted as he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he +said:</p> + +<p>"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I +was right there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying +luggage!"</p> + +<p>Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared +important enough, so he turned round and asked:</p> + +<p>"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as +porter?"</p> + +<p>"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting +potatoes."</p> + +<p>"Wouldn't go?"</p> + +<p>"That's what Einar said."</p> + +<p>Paul thought this over.</p> + +<p>"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them +off the place."</p> + +<p>Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked:</p> + +<p>"Haven't they bought their land?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say +in things too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe +me...."</p> + +<p>Then he said sternly to Solem:</p> + +<p>"You come to me next time."</p> + +<p>Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again.</p> + +<p>"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>Nobody replied.</p> + +<p>"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like +that?" the lawyer remarked.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede said gently:</p> + +<p>"What a pity! He never drank before."</p> + +<p>And at once the lawyer was charitable again:</p> + +<p>"I'll have a good talk with him," he said.</p> + +<hr> +<p>There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning +till night, when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was +hoisted, and there was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's +feet said <em>whrr</em> under her skirt. The manufacturer arrived +with a porter; his wife and children went far down the road to meet +him, and the visitors at the resort sallied forth too.</p> + +<p>"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. +He won us all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with +the broad good cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good +friends with us at once.</p> + +<p>"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as +they clung to him.</p> + +<p>"Three days."</p> + +<p>"Is that all!" said his wife.</p> + +<p>"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short +time, my dear; three days is a lot for me."</p> + +<p>"But not for me and the children," she said.</p> + +<p>"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do +some moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew +the way to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once.</p> + +<p>In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the +manufacturer and his wife joined us in the living room; he had +brought whisky with him for the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; +for the ladies he had wine. It was quite a little party, the +manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we were all well +satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, this +heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think +only of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. +Flags should be lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went +across to the cottage, too, to see if the children were sleeping +well. Generally speaking, he seemed fond of the children. Though he +owned factories and hotels and many other things, yet he seemed to +take the greatest pride of all in possessing a couple of +children.</p> + +<p>One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and +began to make a speech.</p> + +<p>The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but +here was a perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man +from the great world outside, from the heart of life, who had +brought them wine and good cheer and festivity? Strange wares up +here in this world of blue mountains ... and so on.</p> + +<p>He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral +country that neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had +visited, and therefore could not disagree about. One of the Danes +had been there and was able to confirm the justness of the +manufacturer's impressions.</p> + +<p>But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes:</p> + +<p>"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I +was in a bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in +Icelandic!' Ha, ha, ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at +swearing in Icelandic,' he said!"</p> + +<p>Everybody laughed, and his wife asked:</p> + +<p>"And what did you say?"</p> + +<p>"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, +ha!"</p> + +<p>Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget +we had the family of a real man of the world with us here--his +wife, "this peerless lady, scattering charm and delight about her," +and the children, dancing butterflies! And a few minutes later, +"Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a flourish on the piano.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife.</p> + +<p>"Well, that's that!" was all he said.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the +Dane who had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she +seemed purposely to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's +attention was attracted, and he asked for further information about +the motor cars in the neighboring valley: how many there were, and +how fast they could go. The Dane told him.</p> + +<p>"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" +said Mrs. Molie. "It hasn't been done before."</p> + +<p>In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him +about this adventurous journey also.</p> + +<p>"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" +said Mrs. Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where +ever will you stop?"</p> + +<p>Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he +believed it was unconquerable.</p> + +<p>"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, +hadn't forbidden me," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent +tone. This was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again +as though ready to believe him capable of anything.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said +Miss Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast."</p> + +<p>"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife +with a smile. "After all, I'm an old sailor."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little.</p> + +<p>"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring."</p> + +<p>"Where?"</p> + +<p>"In Iceland."</p> + +<p>"What for?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't +much use for it," said the manufacturer.</p> + +<p>"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his +wife repeated nervously.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer laughed.</p> + +<p>"The curiosity of the female sex--!"</p> + +<p>"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the +children if you--"</p> + +<p>She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand.</p> + +<p>"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a +question of life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. +Well--we'd better say good night now, Gerda."</p> + +<p>The manufacturer and his wife got up.</p> + +<p>Then the first man from Bergen made another speech.</p> + +<hr> +<p>The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and +then made ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was +contented and entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky +and soda was brought him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little +girls had a wildly hilarious half-hour with him. At night a +tremendous snoring could be heard from his cottage. Before his +arrival, the little girls had spent a good deal of time with me, +but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up with their +father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two rowan +trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the +rope so as not to injure the tree.</p> + +<p>He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was +intending to take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's +head was bent now, but he seemed even more hurt that the +manufacturer should have paid a visit to the cotters to see how +they were getting on.</p> + +<p>"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, +for all I care!"</p> + +<p>The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was +a little depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his +family's courage up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with +both hands, and the children clung to his other arm.</p> + +<p>"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm +not allowed to say good-bye."</p> + +<p>The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his +arm back; Mummy, you hold him tight, too!"</p> + +<p>"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just +a short trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be +there, too."</p> + +<p>"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children +asked.</p> + +<p>He twisted round and nodded to us.</p> + +<p>"These women! All curiosity!" he said.</p> + +<p>But none of his family laughed.</p> + +<p>He continued to us:</p> + +<p>"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, +too. He shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, +ha, ha! That's the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself +to find out what comes after death!"</p> + +<p>But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His +wife stood still; her face was beautiful.</p> + +<p>"So you're leaving now," was all she said.</p> + +<p>Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at +the farm for these three days in order to be at hand.</p> + +<p>Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied +by his wife and children.</p> + +<p>I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and +money and everything, fond of his children, all in all to his +wife--</p> + +<p>Was he really everything to his wife?</p> + +<p>The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he +wasted time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went +by....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIX</h2> + +<p>It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being +sharpened in the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly +clad and bareheaded, and call to one another and laugh; sometimes +they drink from a bucket of whey, then set to work again. There is +the familiar fragrance of hay, which penetrates my senses like a +song of home, drawing me home, home, though I am not abroad. But +perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from the soil where I have +my roots.</p> + +<p>Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to +sobriety? Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The +others go out and lie on their backs; I steal off and find relish +in myself, and feel poetry within me for the night. The world wants +no, poetry; it wants only verses that have not been sung +before.</p> + +<p>And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge +irons now, for the needs of the mob and the honor of the +country.</p> + +<p>No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen +and left our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern +Railway could have come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's +tours--then Stordalen in its turn would have lain deserted. +Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the soil will probably +go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields for the rest +of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our descendants +are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with the +demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic.</p> + +<p>Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where +you must shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the +country, a born mediocrity with a little school knowledge about +history; you had better ask him. He'll give you just as much +mediocre information, my friend, as your vision can grasp and your +brain endure.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a +most irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to +him; he saw no way out and therefore preferred to make himself +blind, which gave him an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our +permanent guests now left together: the telephone operators, +Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and Palm, and two men who +were in some sort of business, I don't quite know what. This whole +party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven about in +cars.</p> + +<p>Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were +carried up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make +several journeys with the side of his cart let down, and bring the +cases over the roughest spots one by one. That was the kind of road +it was. Josephine received the consignment, and noticed that one of +the cases gave forth the sound of a liquid splashing inside. That +had come to the wrong place, she said, and writing another address +on it, she told the man to take it back. It was sirup that had come +too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime.</p> + +<p>Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; +the sirup had not come too late, Paul said angrily.</p> + +<p>"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We +heard the sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor.</p> + +<p>Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull +and empty, nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at +times. Though he wanted to build still more houses, he could not +use half those he had already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone +with her children in one of them, and since seven of the guests had +left, Miss Torsen was also alone in the south wing. Paul wanted at +all costs to build roads and share in the development of the +tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of motor cars. But +since he had not the power to do this alone and could get no +assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to +make matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw +his money....</p> + +<p>Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before +going out himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, +but he was disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him +loudly: "Good evening, Paul!" and drew him outside.</p> + +<p>They strolled down the field in the dusk.</p> + +<p>Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" +with a man about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be +settled by talking. But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer +was right in all he said, and probably left him with good +resolutions.</p> + +<p>Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post +office; the money he had from the seven departed guests would be +scattered to all quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough +to cover everything--in fact not enough for anything, for interest, +repayments, taxes, and repairs. It paid only for a few cases of +food from the city. And of course he stopped the case of sirup from +going back.</p> + +<p>Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It +was the same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own +way to go on searching for a solution, and one day he asked the +lawyer:</p> + +<p>"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish +in--goldfish?"</p> + +<p>"Do you mean an aquarium?"</p> + +<p>"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Why?"</p> + +<p>"I wonder if I could get one."</p> + +<p>"What do you want it for?"</p> + +<p>"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, +perhaps it wouldn't."</p> + +<p>And Paul withdrew.</p> + +<p>Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XX</h2> + +<p>The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even +swings her in the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to +steady her when the swing stops. Solem watches all this from the +field where he is working, and begins to sing a ribald song. +Certainly these two have so ill-used him that if he is going to +sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the time to do it; no +one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, and then +began to yodel.</p> + +<p>But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting +his arm round her and stopping her....</p> + +<p>It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the +garden; he didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss +Torsen would not go with him, and going alone was such a bore. He +did not conceal that the young woman meant something to him.</p> + +<p>Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked +round quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became +his position of a servant:</p> + +<p>"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm +to take a rope and go with him."</p> + +<p>The lawyer was startled.</p> + +<p>"Is he--?"</p> + +<p>The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His +small, athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence.</p> + +<p>"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell +you. Because after all it was your idea first."</p> + +<p>"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now +he'll be ahead of me."</p> + +<p>Solem knew how to get round that.</p> + +<p>"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go +to the village tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that."</p> + +<p>"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the +Blue Peak will be in all the papers."</p> + +<p>"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the +matter.</p> + +<p>But Solem urged him on:</p> + +<p>"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about +it."</p> + +<p>"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the +lawyer.</p> + +<p>"We can go at dawn," said Solem.</p> + +<p>In the end they came to an agreement.</p> + +<p>"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me.</p> + +<hr> +<p>The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not +in his room, and not in the garden.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I +said. But it transpired that the Dane had not even thought of +climbing the Blue Peak that day, and knew nothing whatever about +the expedition.</p> + +<p>This surprised me greatly.</p> + +<p>I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the +peak through my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there +was nothing to be seen. It was five hours since the two men had +left.</p> + +<p>At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in +sweat and exhausted.</p> + +<p>"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of +guests.</p> + +<p>"What's happened?" somebody asked.</p> + +<p>"He fell off."</p> + +<p>How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we +do? Rush up the mountainside and look at the accident too?</p> + +<p>"Can't he walk?" somebody asked.</p> + +<p>"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us +as though to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. +"He fell off; he didn't want me to help him."</p> + +<p>A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway +across the field; she was going to the village to telephone for the +doctor.</p> + +<p>"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish +mountaineer.</p> + +<p>So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take +brandy and bandages to the site of the accident, and the +Bergensians, the Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went +with him.</p> + +<p>"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak +today?" I asked the Dane.</p> + +<p>"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant +to go, I should certainly not have wanted company...."</p> + +<p>Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the +stretcher. Solem kept explaining all the way home how the accident +had happened, what he had said and what the lawyer had said, +pointing to objects on the way as though this stone represented the +lawyer and that the abyss into which he had plunged.... Solem still +carried the rope he had not had a chance to use. Miss Torsen asked +no more than anyone else, and made purely conventional comments: "I +advised him against it, I begged him not to go...."</p> + +<p>But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back +to life. Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was +dead. The doctor could do nothing here, and returned to his +village.</p> + +<p>There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village +to send a telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did +what we thought decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the +living room with books in our hands. Now and again, some reference +would be made to the accident: it was a reminder, we said, how +small we mortals were! And the Associate Master, who had not the +soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this disaster would injure +the resort and make things still more difficult for Paul; people +would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed.</p> + +<p>No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand +the Anglo-Saxon mind.</p> + +<p>Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him +rather than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to +console us on this mournful evening.</p> + +<p>And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of +the men from Bergen made a speech.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXI</h2> + +<p>The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the +city, and Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the +spot where it had taken place. If the body had not been removed at +once, they would have written about that, too.</p> + +<p>Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish +that Solem should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest +time, but must not the business of the tourist resort go before all +else?</p> + +<p>"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his +work. A flock of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, +made him take them to the mountains, to the river. A phrase was +coined at the farm for Solem's absences:</p> + +<p>"Solem's with death."</p> + +<p>But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in +the very midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he +was an important personage, listened to by strangers, doling out +information. Nor did his audience now consist of ladies +only--indeed, no; this was something new, a change; these were +keen, alert gentlemen from the city.</p> + +<p>To me, Solem said:</p> + +<p>"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch +on my nail has grown out, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it.</p> + +<p>The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not +only about the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the +locality, and about the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, +with its wonderful buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What +a surprise to come here: gargoyles, living room, piano, all the +latest books, timber outside ready for new jewels in their setting, +altogether a magnificent picture of Norway's modern farming.</p> + +<p>Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising.</p> + +<p>The English arrived.</p> + +<p>"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they +asked.</p> + +<p>"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the +farm. "There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!"</p> + +<p>That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. +So Solem had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart +away the hay, but then the women had no one to help them rake. +Confusion was rife. Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither +because there was no one to lead them.</p> + +<p>The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving +weather. As soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, +perhaps all the hay. Oh, we should manage all right.</p> + +<p>More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. +Their perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had +successfully eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here +without being caught. There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against +the sky! They hurried up so fast that Solem was hardly able to keep +pace with them. They would have felt for ever disgraced if they had +neglected to stand on this admirable site of a disaster, this most +excellent abyss. Some said it would be a lifelong source of regret +to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak forthwith; others had +no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, and to shout +down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out on the +ledge that they stood with their toes on death.</p> + +<p>But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort +earned a great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the +furrows in his face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong +and active with good fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who +is not defiant in adversity is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! +Paul stopped drinking; he even began to take an interest in the +harvesting, and worked in the field in Solem's place. If only he +had begun when the weather was still slow and patient!</p> + +<p>But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit +again; he only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters +those outlying fields from which they were used to getting half the +hay; this year he would have liked to keep it himself. But he had +given his word, and there was nothing to be done about it.</p> + +<p>Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could +not even stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three +cartloads of fodder were going to waste.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. +The newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying +misfortunes, the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. +It had been an intoxication; now came the morning after.</p> + +<p>The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his +knapsack and walked across the field like one of the villagers, +caring no more for the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in +the last week had taught him a lesson.</p> + +<p>And the tourists swarmed on to other places.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"What harm have I done them," Paul probably<br> + thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been<br> + too much in the fields and too little with them? But I<br> + greeted them humbly and took my man out of the<br> + harvesting work to help them...."<br> +</p> + +<p>Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, +sportsmen to their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, +cycling, and football; they were going to be civil engineers--the +young Norway. They, too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of +their ability; after all, one must keep pace with modern life. But +they were so young that when they looked up at the peak, they were +afraid. Solem had learned more than one trick in tourist company; +craftily he led them on, and then extorted money from them in +return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all was +well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a +bloodstained rag which he flung on the ground, saying,</p> + +<p>"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout.</p> + +<p>Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances.</p> + +<p>It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then +rain again for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was +invisible, the mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but +rain. The roofs at the Tore Peak resort began to leak more and +more.</p> + +<p>The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and +rotting, and the stacks had gone moldy.</p> + +<p>The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. +They had carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs.</p> + +<p>The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left +for home. The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them +walking in the hills and telling them stories. The house is empty +now. Associate Master Höy and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they +left last week, traveling separately, though both were going to the +same small town.</p> + +<p>He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while +she crossed the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is +still here.</p> + +<p>Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever +heard anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your +tongue.</p> + +<p>Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to +the town again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the +winter, and Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am +simply longing.</p> + +<p>Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all +sensible Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the +right road. The papers are all writing about the splendid progress +the tourist traffic has made in Stordalen since the motor road was +opened--ought I not to go there and feel gratified?</p> + +<p>From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who +are left; Miss Torsen is still here.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she +does not leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman +Torsen, child of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all +through her formative years, who has learned all about <em>Artemis +cotula</em>, but undernourished her soul. That is what she is doing +here.</p> + +<p>I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with +Englishmen, a young sprout coming down from the mountain top with a +bloodstained rag which he threw on the ground, saying, "Here's +what's left of your lawyer that fell off!" Miss Torsen heard it, +and never moved a muscle. No, she never mourned the death of the +lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote off at once to ask +another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to be a +swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't +employed at a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him +when he came, and said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for +coming." So evidently she had sent for him. But why did she not +leave? Why did she seem to strike root in the place, and even ask +others to come here? Yet she had been the first to want to leave +last summer! There was something behind this.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXII</h2> + +<p>I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is +somehow connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem +is still here. How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl +has been spoiled! I saw her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, +untouched, walking intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying +to his greeting. Did she suspect him of complicity in the death of +the lawyer and avoid him for that reason? Not in the least; she +avoided him less than before, even letting him take her letters to +the post office, which she had not done previously. But she was +unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her bearings. Whenever she +could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, with dung; she +sniffed at foulness and was not repelled.</p> + +<p>One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse +that was restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep +red. But she mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine:</p> + +<p>"Isn't that man leaving soon?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days."</p> + +<p>Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with +a great show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one +to her. She went away in silence.</p> + +<p>Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. +Solem's despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had +inflamed, his brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his +looks--she sniffed at all this and was excited by it. She had grown +so unnatural that her sexual needs were satisfied by keeping this +man at a distance. The Torsen type no doubt lies in her solitary +bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in another house a man +lies writhing for her.</p> + +<p>But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. +There was nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the +braggadocio of the theater....</p> + +<hr> +<p>Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question +Solem about the accident. We are alone together in the +woodshed.</p> + +<p>Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak +that unfortunate Sunday morning?</p> + +<p>Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand.</p> + +<p>I repeated my question.</p> + +<p>Solem denied he had said any such thing.</p> + +<p>"I heard you," I said.</p> + +<p>"No, you didn't," he said.</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without +shape, an outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up +again. When he was on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to +rights, we looked at each other. I had no wish to speak to him +further, and left him. Besides, he was going away soon.</p> + +<p>After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out +alone, aping myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf +is much stronger today!" And when this was done, I did other +nothings, and when my money began to run out, I wrote to my +publisher, pretending I would soon send him an unbelievably +remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man in love. +These were the typical symptoms.</p> + +<p>And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of +dwelling on the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In +that case I must have concealed well in these pages that I never +think of her except as an object, as a theme; turn back the pages +and you will see! At my age, one does not fall in love without +becoming grotesque, without making even the Pharaohs laugh.</p> + +<hr> +<p><em>Finis.</em></p> + +<p class="poetry">But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, +and that is withdrawing to my room, and sitting alone with +the good darkness round me. This, after all, is the last pleasure. +</p> + +<p>An interlude:</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their +footsteps and their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of +the evening, I cannot see them. They stop outside my open window, +leaning against it, and the actor says something, asks her to do +something she does not want to do, tries to draw her with him; but +she resists.</p> + +<p>Then he grows angry.</p> + +<p>"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly.</p> + +<p>And she begins to weep and says:</p> + +<p>"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at +all. Why can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you."</p> + +<p>Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I +made my presence known then because her weeping sounded so +wretched; I moved a chair and cleared my throat.</p> + +<p>The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, +trying to listen; but she said:</p> + +<p>"No, it was nothing...."</p> + +<p>But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the +sound was. It was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick +with me; she had often pretended that she thought I was not within +hearing, and then created some such delicate situation. Each time I +had promised myself not to intervene; but she had not wept before; +now she wept.</p> + +<p>Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, +the eyes of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how +well-behaved! But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it +from your hands! You are so unnatural that in your seven and +twentieth year, you walk unmarried, barren and unopen!</p> + +<p>The pair drifted away.</p> + +<p>And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing +into solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. +This is the last pleasure.</p> + +<p>One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the +company of others and can endure only one's own, but because of +their quality of loftiness and religion. Strange how all things +pass distantly, yet all is near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must +be God. It must be ourselves as a part of all things.</p> + +<p class="poetry"> What would my heart, where would I +stray?<br> + Shall I leave the forest behind me?<br> + It was my home but yesterday;<br> + now toward the city I wend my way;<br> + to the darkness of night I've resigned me.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> The world round me sleeps as I tarry, +alone,<br> + soothing my ear with its quiet.<br> + How large and gray is the city of stone<br> + in which the many all hopes enthrone!<br> + Shall I, too, accept their fiat?<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Hark! Do the bells ring on the +hillside?<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Back to the peace of the forest I +turn<br> + in the nightly hour that's hoarest.<br> + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I +yearn;<br> + I shall rest my head on heather and fern,<br> + and sleep in the depths of the forest.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Hark, how the bells ring on the +hillside!<br> +</p> + +<p>Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? +Yes.</p> + +<p>It is the last happiness.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIII</h2> + +<p>The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than +that: imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, +my friend, whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. +But I say there is an imperial sun in the sky.</p> + +<p>It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for +the woods are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into +being. A short time ago they were not there, or I did not see them, +or they had the earth's own complexion. There is something unborn +about them, like embryos in an early stage. But if I whirl them +about, they are miracles of fulfillment.</p> + +<p>Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close +is the poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible +mushroom, and how innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. +What magnificent cunning! A spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual +vice itself, but preening in splendor and brilliance, a very +cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it is good and +soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. Was it +not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat.</p> + +<p>The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the +cattle, but they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells +that they are moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, +sometimes sounding together as though there were a meaning in it, a +pattern of tones, a rapture.</p> + +<p>And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny +flowers and plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, +wonderfully meek, with tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless +it, it's becoming a mother! It has got caught in a dry twig and I +liberate it. Life quivers within it; the sun has warmed it today +and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic miracle.</p> + +<p>Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that +passes through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening.</p> + +<p>I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to +rest, and darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my +feet feel their way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the +field, where it is a little lighter. I walk on the hay that has +been left outdoors; it is tough and black, and I slip on it because +it is already rotting. As I approach the houses, bats fly +noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A slight shudder +convulses me whenever they pass.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I stop.</p> + +<p>A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new +house. He has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but +it is not the little comedian himself. There he goes, into the +house, right into the house. It is Solem.</p> + +<p>"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the +building, in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. +And Solem has just gone in."</p> + +<p>I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, +for after all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes +pass. He has not even bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him +clicking the key in the lock. Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I +hear nothing, nothing; a chair scraping across the floor, that is +all.</p> + +<p>"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; +he may overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? +I--what for? But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, +take my word for it."</p> + +<p>Not a single cry.</p> + +<p>The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot +go my way and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A +very thorough business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it +is almost dawn. It occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps +has killed her already; I am alarmed and about to get up--when the +key clicks in the lock again and Solem emerges. He does not run, +but walks back the way he came, down to the veranda of my own +house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it hung before, +and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been naked +under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all +out. Now, stark naked, he stalks to his room.</p> + +<p>What a man!</p> + +<p>I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What +has happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the +lady is not dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he +goes to his room, lights the lamp, and goes to bed.</p> + +<p>It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it +at once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her +death and the lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse +others--the thief of last winter, the man that stole the sides of +bacon from a tradesman and sold me rolls of tobacco out of his bag. +No, I shall not keep silence about anything then....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIV</h2> + +<p>When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his +breakfast, settled his business with Paul and the women, and +returned to his room. He was in no hurry; though it was no longer +early in the day, he took his time about tying his bundles, +preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the windows of +the south wing as he passed.</p> + +<p>Then Solem was gone.</p> + +<p>A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at +once about Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She +had certainly stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him +time to leave; if she wanted to see him she could have been here +long ago. But was it not safest to seem a little angry? Supposing, +night owl that I was, that I had seen something!</p> + +<p>"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly.</p> + +<p>"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied.</p> + +<p>"Lucky for him!"</p> + +<p>"Why?" asked Josephine.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!"</p> + +<p>How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed +down. Her anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a +scene; only she did not walk proudly, as was her habit, but +preferred to sit in silence.</p> + +<p>That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's +departure, and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took +walks, she talked and laughed with us, she made the actor swing her +in the children's swing, as in the lawyer's day....</p> + +<p>I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness +for walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple +of the little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God +and Goethe and <em>über allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'</em> that night. On +my return, I was in the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I +undressed and went to bed in the dark.</p> + +<p>Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady +and the actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; +of that I was sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had +returned. There was something she <em>wanted</em> me to hear.</p> + +<p>Why should I listen to him still pleading with her?</p> + +<p>"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added +suddenly; "some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it +tomorrow. Good night."</p> + +<p>For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, +settled man though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the +others! That's what she's after!</p> + +<p>And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was +Tradesman Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she +would give me a kind word or a look that was quite out of the +picture, and as unmistakable as her pride would permit. No, she had +no objections to seeing old age wriggle. And listen to this: before +this she had been intent to show a well-behaved indifference to +sex, but that was finished; was she not at this moment resisting +only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not tonight, but some +other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she +was also cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt.</p> + +<p>Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before +his pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living +room. The lady and the actor read one book; I read another.</p> + +<p>"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?"</p> + +<p>"With pleasure."</p> + +<p>"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and +fetch my galoshes?"</p> + +<p>So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known +popular song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar +way.</p> + +<p>She turned to me.</p> + +<p>"You seem silent."</p> + +<p>"Do I?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, you're very silent."</p> + +<p>"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book +I held in my hands. I read a longish bit.</p> + +<p>She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said +impatiently:</p> + +<p>"What is this you want me to listen to?"</p> + +<p>"The <em>Musketeers</em>. You must admit it's entertaining."</p> + +<p>"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands +and drag them apart again.</p> + +<p>"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I +replied, and went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had +written. They were only a few poems--nothing special, just a few +small verses. Not that I am in the habit of reading such things +aloud, but I seized on this for the moment because I wanted to +prevent her from humbling herself, and telling me anything +more.</p> + +<p>While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned.</p> + +<p>"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said.</p> + +<p>"No?" she replied absently.</p> + +<p>"No, I really looked everywhere, but...."</p> + +<p>She got up and left the room.</p> + +<p>He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a +moment. Then it occurred to him.</p> + +<p>"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he +said, and hurried after her.</p> + +<p>I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her +face as she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through +me and my pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no +fool. I was the fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman +to despair. Some practice the sport of making conquests and the +sport of making love, because they find it so agreeable; I have +never practiced sport of any kind. I have loved and raged and +suffered and stormed according to my nature--that is all; I am an +old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the shadow of evening, the +shadow of the half-century. Let me have done!</p> + +<p>The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She +had turned him out; she had wept.</p> + +<p>I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her +type.</p> + +<p>"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I +shall leave tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here +they are,' I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your +nose,' I said. 'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So +I went away."</p> + +<p>"She'll get over it."</p> + +<p>"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my +opinion nobody can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty +sex, the women, a mighty sex. They certainly are."</p> + +<p>He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went +out again.</p> + +<hr> +<p>That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was +there when we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To +the actor she was very kind, quite making up for her petulance of +the afternoon.</p> + +<p>When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a +written note folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he +dropped everything he was doing to unfold and read it. With an +exclamation and a smile, his blue, delighted eyes splashed over +her; but she was looking down into her lap with her forehead +wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest pocket.</p> + +<p>Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he +tried to cover it up somehow.</p> + +<p>"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to +require all his energy for the task of eating.</p> + +<p>Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking +to him. He had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she +emerged from her room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the +good comedian could not contain himself, but would surely let a +third person into the secret?</p> + +<p>Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but +he looked very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have +been a promise; perhaps she would not tantalize him further.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXV</h2> + +<p>A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel +together, and that would be the end.</p> + +<p>I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is +stern. One result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent +for him in vain, nor had he come in vain.</p> + +<p>That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to +come--many more.</p> + +<p>She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; +why be niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that +they lose increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold +back now? The ground has been completely shifted: from +half-measures to the immolation of all virtue. The type is +well-known, and can be found at resorts and boarding-houses, where +it grows and flourishes.</p> + +<p>In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or +her teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds +herself in the midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with +quantities of tinned food for her meals. The company round her is +continually changing, tourists come and go, and she passes from +hand to hand for walks and talks; the tone is "country +informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life stripped +of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next +room, while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. +In a short time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, +surfeited with herself and the place. She is ready to go off with +the next halfway respectable organ grinder that happens along. And +so she pairs off with the most casual visitors, flirts with the +guide, hovering about him and making bandages for his fingers, and +at last throws herself into the arms of a nameless nobody who has +arrived at the house today.</p> + +<p>This is the Torsen type.</p> + +<p>And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect +the fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the +end of the summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one +in every corner. But perhaps it consoles her to think that she +knows the genitive of <em>mensa</em>.</p> + +<p>Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked +nothing, is committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, +nor anything within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, +nice. In fact he is even something more of a man because he has +really made a conquest. He has no wish but to spend some pleasant +hours with the Torsen type.</p> + +<p>He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once +she was visible through the doorway, and he called to her:</p> + +<p>"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the +mountain!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied.</p> + +<p>He was impatient.</p> + +<p>"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that +takes! Ugh!"</p> + +<p>She measured him coldly and said:</p> + +<p>"You're very--familiar."</p> + +<p>If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been +weeping and gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and +an hour's delay, and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's +manner changed at once, and he replied docilely, as his nature +was,</p> + +<p>"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!"</p> + +<p>Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally +and swinging his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of +his knees, and the unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was +something unnatural about this plumpness, as though it did not +belong to his sex.</p> + +<p>His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His +raincoat hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, +though it was not raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But +why speak harsh words about a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, +that had abused it, and it hung from his shoulders as innocently as +a bridal veil.</p> + +<p>Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is +stern. Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following +scene will take place: I stand here waiting only for this +departure. So she gives me her hand and says good-bye.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright +and easy in her mind.</p> + +<p>"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your +ways."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the +great error of my ways! Well, really!"</p> + +<p>And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing +on the firm ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing +like this:</p> + +<p>"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!"</p> + +<p>She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her +head and reply, pale and offended:</p> + +<p>"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you."</p> + +<p>But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, +proud girl, would have a lucid moment and see things in their true +light:</p> + +<p>"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to +keep? I am thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I +am seven and twenty...."</p> + +<p>My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were +somewhere else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far +away.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss +Torsen? I must go now."</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you +wait a few minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. +Good-bye, good-bye."</p> + +<p>I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every +nook and corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good +shelter. From here I shall see when these two leave. She has only +to say good-bye now to the people of the farm.</p> + +<p>It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We +spoke only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and +today I have not spoken to her....</p> + +<p>Here they come.</p> + +<p>Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; +though they walked separately up the mountain track, yet they +belonged together. They did not speak; the essential things had +probably already been said. Life had grown ordinary for them; it +still remained to them to be of use to each other. He walked first, +while she followed many paces behind; it was lonely to look at +against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had her tall +figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. +They each carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably +because, owing to the greater number of her clothes, hers was the +heavier sack. Thus had they shifted their burdens; what burdens +would they carry in the future? She was, after all, no longer a +schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no longer with the theater or +the films.</p> + +<p>I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare +ground, with not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far +away near the ridge murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put +their possessions together, were walking together; at the next halt +they would be man and wife, and take only one room because it was +cheaper.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human +sympathy--nay, of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, +say a word of warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few +minutes--a good deed, a duty....</p> + +<p>They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill.</p> + +<p>Her name was Ingeborg.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVI</h2> + +<p>And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the +Tore Peak farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it +snowed for the first time--wet, sad snow.</p> + +<p>It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have +played the piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now +I am leaving, too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be +cheerful for; things have gone badly this year, and may grow worse +as time goes on. The prospect is not a good one. "But something +will turn up," says Josephine. She need not worry, for she has +money in the bank, and no doubt there is a young man in the offing, +on the other side of the fjeld.</p> + +<p>Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. +The other day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. +The friend could not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had +expected money, but it hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer +because of his private affairs. That was all very well, but when +would the bill be paid? Why, he would send it from the town, of +course; that was where he had his money!</p> + +<p>"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," +said Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I +didn't like the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as +good as anybody, and throwing his stick up in the air and catching +it again. And then when Miss Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told +her, and I wondered if she couldn't let me have the money for him. +Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't he paid himself?' 'No,' +I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad one, we need +every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should get the +money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could +trust her for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money +all right, if not from him. I daresay she'll send it +herself...."</p> + +<p>And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner.</p> + +<p>Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very +steady, but at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes +no interest in things; he does little more than feeding the horses +and chopping some wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of +the summer cow houses for autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, +and probably it will not be done at all. So far it hasn't mattered, +but this morning's first wet snow has covered the hay outdoors and +the maltreated land. And so it will remain till next spring. Poor +Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he pushes doggedly on +against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, knowing how +useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile.</p> + +<p>His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on +his threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in +memories, for he has ninety years behind him. The many houses on +the farm confuse him a little; the roofs are all too big for him, +and he is afraid they might come down and carry him off. Once he +asked Josephine if it was right that his hands and fingers should +run away from him every day across the fields. So they put mittens +on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in fact he ate +everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they must +be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about.</p> + +<hr> +<p>I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the +way I had come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It +is fitting that I should go back, always back, never forward +again.</p> + +<p>I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then +the Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between +a human being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat +wall, and a paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age +dwelling. Olga was kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and +pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it pained me to watch her flit about +the room, tiny and crooked, as she looked for a pair of reindeer +cheeses for me.</p> + +<p>Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so +many lonely months. I did not enter it.</p> + +<p>Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. +But I shall skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not +entering. This morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the +mouse I left here last spring; but tonight I am taking it out again +because I am no longer in the mood, and because there is no point +in it. Perhaps it would have amused you to read it, my friend; but +there is no point in amusing you now. I must deject you now and +make you listen to me; there is not much more to hear.</p> + +<p>Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to +you, then I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into +what is distant; you do not, for this is something you cannot learn +from your little schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for +me. I shall be merry again with you later, when my strings are +tuned to merriment. I have no power over them. Now they are tuned +to a chorale....</p> + +<hr> +<p>At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on +quickly in order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I +must have started too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I +shall reach the village at high noon. What am I chasing after? +Perhaps it is feeling the nearness of the sea that drives me +forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, with the glitter +and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts through me like +a greeting from another world. "<em>Thalatta!</em>" I cry; and I +wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless +and fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend +the ridge as though in a trance and reach the first house.</p> + +<p>There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window +suddenly disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though +only the barn was of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's +home. As I entered the house, I saw that though it was as poor +within as without, the floor was clean and covered with pine twigs. +There were many children here. The mother was busy cooking +something over the fire.</p> + +<p>I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a +couple of small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, +the woman said:</p> + +<p>"I expect you want a boat?"</p> + +<p>"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my +last visit; I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles +from the sea. "Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?"</p> + +<p>"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she +replied, "because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over +lots of people this year."</p> + +<p>Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have +completely altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten +months ago.</p> + +<p>"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or +there's Eilert and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go +there; they've got big houses."</p> + +<p>She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to +the shore, and I proceeded thither.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVII</h2> + +<p>A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, +displayed a new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as +usual, was a peat hut.</p> + +<p>As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had +stopped to consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward +me. Ah, well, the world is a small place; we meet friends and +acquaintances everywhere. Here am I, meeting an old acquaintance, +the thief of last winter, the pork thief. What luck, what a +satisfaction!</p> + +<p>This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now.</p> + +<p>At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that +up. Once he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in +style:</p> + +<p>"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most +welcome under my humble roof, and such it is!"</p> + +<p>My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still +collecting my thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he +explained that since the motor traffic had started in Stordalen, +many visitors came through this way, and sometimes they wanted to +stop over at his house before being rowed across to the steamer. +They always came down in the evenings, and it might be fine, or it +might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He had therefore +had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't expect +people to spend the night outdoors.</p> + +<p>"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said.</p> + +<p>"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to +give shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel +there is to it. My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if +he builds a place that's ten times as big. Look over there--now +he's building another house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got +three grown men working on it so he can get it done by next summer. +But it won't be much bigger than my place at that, and anyhow, the +gentry don't want to be bothered walking all that distance to his +place when here's my house right at the car stop. And besides it +was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have wanted +to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make +himself any different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits +of canvas and rugs and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to +sleep there. But I'd never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a +storehouse for fodder and hay for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my +mentioning it! But of course if you've no shame in you and don't +know how to behave in company--"</p> + +<p>"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down +the road to his place!"</p> + +<p>We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all +the way, and assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a +good-for-nothing for copying him as he did.</p> + +<p>If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have +passed by Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, +though I may not have appeared so. It cannot be helped.</p> + +<p>"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. +"They're gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through +Stordalen, and they had to walk because the cars have stopped for +the season. They've been in my house for quite some days, and I +think they'll be staying on a while yet. I think they're out now, +but of course it means I can't let you have my best room."</p> + +<p>I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through +me--no, of course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was +a fresh surprise. What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the +door, there was the actor, too--standing there looking at me: the +actor from the Tore Peak resort. It was his knees, his coat, and +his stick. So I was right--I <em>had</em> recognized her face at an +upper window. Yes, indeed, the world is small.</p> + +<p>The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice +to see me again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking +himself in liquor, he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul +seemed to think the whole inn was an aquarium and we visitors the +goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I wish we were, I must say!--Well, +Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock for supper? +Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been here +several days; we want to stay and get a good rest."</p> + +<p>As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft +and addressed the actor:</p> + +<p>"The missis wants you to come right upstairs."</p> + +<p>"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be +stopping here, too, I expect?"</p> + +<p>He hurried up the stairs.</p> + +<p>Eilert and I followed to my room.</p> + +<hr> +<p>As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He +had a great deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not +unwilling to listen to him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a +fine fellow with four ragged, magnificent youngsters by his first +wife, who had died two years before, and another child by his +second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told me this, the yarn +about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had spun for me +last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the message +from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And she, +too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again.</p> + +<p>It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you +tell me about your family.</p> + +<p>No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been +full of an obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. +Probably a mere coincidence, but that did not detract from my +satisfactory state of mind; I was pleased with everything, and all +things added to my cheerful frame of mind. There were some pigs by +the barn, very affectionate pigs, because they were used to the +children playing with them and kissing them and riding on their +backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of course, +standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming +their own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to +the best of their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just +beneath the sunset, began the great road that winds up through the +woods and the valley. There is something of the friendliness of a +living being about such a forest road.</p> + +<p>Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went +with him. Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; +but he had promised the gentry from the city some fish, and fish +was one of the gifts of God. Besides, if he lacked meat, he could +always slaughter one of the pigs.</p> + +<p>There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert +said, as long as there was not too much of it.</p> + +<p>"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; +"the bigger the wind, the stronger the current."</p> + +<p>At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of +Eilert's French words: <em>travali, prekevary, sutinary, +mankémang</em>, and many others. They've had a long way to travel, +coming here by ancient routes via Bergen, and now they're common +property.</p> + +<p>And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt +extremely ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock.</p> + +<p>"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore +for a while."</p> + +<p>But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and +the sea rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert.</p> + +<p>The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there +was entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An +inner exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained +it. But I had experienced no emotional excitement.</p> + +<p>We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising +fast!" cried Eilert, rowing with all his might.</p> + +<p>I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would +manage by himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that +they could see me from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. +Eilert's wife might see me and laugh at me.</p> + +<p>What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to +put my head over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a +moment's relief, and then it began all over again. Charming! I felt +as though I were in labor; the wrong way up, of course, through my +throat, but it was a delivery nonetheless. It moved up, then +stopped, came on again and stopped, came on and stopped once more. +It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; I had never felt +anything like it before; it was not something I was born with. All +my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump +of steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, +thank heaven, my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed +inside the islands that served as a breakwater, and I was +saved.</p> + +<p>Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, +imitating my own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. +And I assured Eilert, too, that this was the first time I had ever +been seasick, so that he should understand it was nothing to gossip +about. After all, he had not heard about the great seas I had +sailed without the slightest discomfort; once I had been +four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the passengers in +bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me!</p> + +<p>"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert.</p> + +<p>That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had +not brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire +to come down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread +and butter and milk to be sent up.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVIII</h2> + +<p>Next morning they had gone.</p> + +<p>Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard +them perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of +the plump thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She +hushed him, and her voice sounded angry.</p> + +<p>Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some +minutes, negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had +changed their minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they +went down to the boat, Eilert with them. I could see them through +the window, chilled by the cold of early morning and short-tempered +with each other. There had been a frost during the night; ice lay +on the water in the buckets, and the ground was harsh to walk on. +Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy morning, with the sea +still running rather high. There they go with their knapsacks on +their backs; she is still wearing her red hat.</p> + +<p>Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending +to sleep till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except +myself. I could not see the boat from my bed, so I got up +again--just to while the time away--to see how far they had gone. +Not very far, though both men were rowing. A little later I got up +and looked again--oh, yes, they were getting on. I took up my post +by the window. It was really quite interesting to watch the boat +getting smaller and smaller; finally I opened the window, even +looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet quite light, I +could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed +and went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, +Regine, was up. How calmly and naturally she took everything!</p> + +<p>"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her.</p> + +<p>"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till +after they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose +they're going? Haddock fishing?"</p> + +<p>"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're +leaving, all right. They had their knapsacks on their backs."</p> + +<p>"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not +a thing! And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, +neither!"</p> + +<p>I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that +coffee was nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup--</p> + +<p>Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such +foolishness was to shake my head and go away. One must take the +sensible view. How was it possible to understand such behavior? +Nevertheless I, the undersigned, should have gone on to Olaus +yesterday, instead of going fishing. That would have been still +more sensible. What business had I at this house? Very likely she +found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this was why +she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack.</p> + +<p>Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't +matter. As long as one has a reason to go away.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he +came up the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He +was in a furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it +on him--no, they'd just better not.</p> + +<p>Of course it was the bill again.</p> + +<p>"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I +thought to myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it +as nonchalantly as it should be taken. There are worse things."</p> + +<p>But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had +driven them away without their clothes; perhaps they had really +expected some money to be sent here--who knows?</p> + +<p>I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? +"Good heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to +them at once with their clothes!"</p> + +<p>But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had +arrived just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very +moment.</p> + +<p>Well, there was no help for it.</p> + +<p>"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes +next Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again."</p> + +<p>I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. +Why couldn't he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular +one?</p> + +<p>Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him +the other one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so +good as this one. And I should remember that the money the missis +had paid him hadn't covered more than the bill for one of them. So +it was only reasonable that he should take the fullest knapsack. As +a matter of fact, he had behaved very well, and that was the truth. +Because when she gave him the larger knapsack, and wrote the +address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, and said not +another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on him--they'd +better not, or he'd know the reason why!</p> + +<p>Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky.</p> + +<p>When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he +was not so lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been +brooding and speculating ever since last summer, when the motor +traffic started, and did I think it would be a good idea for him to +hire three grown men, too, and build a much bigger house than +Olaus's?</p> + +<p>So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian +disease!</p> + +<p>The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her +clothes; I recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I +hardly looked at them, of course; just unpacked them, folded them +neatly, and put them back in the bag again; because no doubt Eilert +had had them all out in a heap. This was really my only reason for +unpacking them.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIX</h2> + +<p>Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this +year.</p> + +<p>They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the +trading station for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment +through the valley to order a car to meet them. Stordalen, +Stordalen, they said. So they had apparently not yet seen +Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once.</p> + +<p>And what a sensation they made!</p> + +<p>They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could +hear them a long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the +others. Eilert dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to +the landing place in order to be the first on the spot. From +Olaus's house, too, a man and a few half-grown boys went down, and +from all the houses round swarmed curious and helpful crowds. There +were so many spectators at the landing place that the old man with +the loud voice drew himself up to his full height in the boat and +majestically shouted his English at us, as though his language must +of course be ours as well:</p> + +<p>"Where's the car? Bring the car down!"</p> + +<p>Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his +two boys up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the +Englishmen had arrived.</p> + +<p>They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not +understand why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the +meaning of this?" There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. +As they came up past Eilert's house, they looked at their watches +and swore because so many minutes were being wasted. Where the +devil was the car? The populace followed at some distance, gazing +with reverence on these dressed-up fools.</p> + +<p>I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud +voice--who wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green +canvas with braid and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets +all over it. What a man, what a power! His beard, streaming out +from under his nose like the northern lights, was greenish-white, +and he swore like a madman. Another of the party was tall and bent, +a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, stupendous, with sloping +shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly arched eyebrows; +he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I measured +him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth +was tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept +him on the move.</p> + +<p>"Stordalen!" he cried.</p> + +<p>England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. +She desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not +other countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a +couple of generations be converted to pederasty....</p> + +<p>Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and +everyone raced to meet it.</p> + +<p>Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in +meeting the car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; +were they not to get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in +the back seat for their return journey and thus enjoyed the drive +of a lifetime; but money! They had acquired enough brazenness in +the course of the summer not to hesitate, and approached the +loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms and clamoring: +"Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the car +forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best +by driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the +horn, and a rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay!</p> + +<p>The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious +visitors. Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear +comparison with them! "Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" +"And did you see the other one, the one with the skirts and the +northern lights?"</p> + +<p>But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus +family, had more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the +first time understood what he had read in the paper so many times, +that the Norwegian elementary school is a worthless institution +because it does not teach English to the children of the lower +orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip merely because +they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman with the +northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just +wait!" They had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for +tires....</p> + +<hr> +<p>I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I +do so is that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count +her clothes to make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake +not to have done so at once.</p> + +<p>It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and +thinking about them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is +now evident that I was right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him +going upstairs, and when I came in, he was turning out the bag and +going through the clothes.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing?" I said.</p> + +<p>At first he tried to brazen it out.</p> + +<p>"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him +was so much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I +wronged him, he complained, and exploited him:</p> + +<p>"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got +more for them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still +wanted more, like the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. +That was Eilert. Yet he was not too bad; he had never been any +better, and he certainly had grown no worse with his new +livelihood.</p> + +<p>May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood!</p> + +<p>So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in +order to take better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy +everything up for the second time, but it had to be done. Later +that evening I would resume my journey, taking the knapsack with +me. I had done with the place, and the nights were moonlit +again.</p> + +<p>Enough of these clothes!</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXX</h2> + +<p>Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty +years ago I walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, +snowy roads, on bare, frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the +hunt for love. How well I remember it! But it is no longer the same +moonlight. I could even read by it the letter she gave me. But +there are no such letters any more.</p> + +<p>Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk +abroad on an errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go +across to the trading center and dispatch a knapsack by the +steamer; after that I shall wander on. And that requires nothing +but a little ordinary training in walking, and the light of the +moon to see by. But in those old days, those young days, we studied +the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a moon on +Twelfth Night, for we could use it then.</p> + +<p>Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the +teller.</p> + +<p>They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: +deeper pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you +have read right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a +self-interest that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten +when he stood on the summit, forgotten his own self, his own +<em>alias</em>, red and white, blowing a golden horn. Now he stands +no longer--no, he sits--it is less of a strain to sit. But now +there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and stupid, the honor of +old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man on his feet +can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But honor is +meant to be used, not to be sat with.</p> + +<p>Let sitting men wear warm stockings.</p> + +<hr> +<p>What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days +of the golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for +the night; but where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm +her breath was, coming between lips a little parted! She will come +again, of course; let us wait, we have plenty of time, another +twenty years--oh, yes, she will come....</p> + +<p>I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon +the honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that +a barn is a gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a +barn for thee!</p> + +<p>No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies.</p> + +<p>And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn.</p> + +<p>Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is +fitting that I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in +a huddle, small and invisible. Anything else you please, as long as +you don't flaunt your selfishness and your rags!</p> + +<p>I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's +knapsack full of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is +just the right size. But sleep will not come; there are only +thoughts and dreams and lines of poetry and sentimentality. The +sack smells human, and I fling it away, laying my head on my arm. +My arm smells of wood--not even wood.</p> + +<p>But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? +And I scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart +tomorrow. Just a line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a +softness in the letters, a womanliness--I don't know.</p> + +<p>It doesn't matter.</p> + +<p>I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is +up and about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet +of wrapping paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and +seal it and write on the outside. There!</p> + +<p>Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it +inside, I mean. Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As +I continue on my way, I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt +because the knapsack was quite heavy after all, and now I am well +rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I think suddenly. And as I walk on +I think irrelevantly: "The last country, the last island, the last +pleasure...."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXI</h2> + +<p>What now?</p> + +<p>I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer +behind me--no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no +difference where I stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought +I might as well go there--why not? A man cannot forever sit by the +sea, and it is not necessary to misunderstand him if he decides to +leave it. So he leaves his solitude--others have done so before +him--and a mild curiosity drives him to see the ships and the +horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a certain town. When he +arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness if he does not +know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. The +moonlight is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a +certain address to visit evening after evening, and to take up his +post there as though something depended on it. He is not expected +anywhere else, so he has the time. Then one evening someone finds +him reading under a lamppost, stops suddenly and stares, takes a +few steps toward him, and bends forward searchingly.</p> + +<p>"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen."</p> + +<p>"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. +Yes, thank you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I +understood all at once--I quite understand--"</p> + +<p>"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to +come up, would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't."</p> + +<p>"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. +Unless you're cold?" I suggested.</p> + +<p>"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to."</p> + +<p>We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out +walking. There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole +evening undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all +through a cold autumn month.</p> + +<p>Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, +some of it only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; +sometimes with her head deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a +question, replying by a brief word or a shake of the head. I write +it down from memory; it was important to her, and it became +important for others as well.</p> + +<p>Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we +struggle? In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs +and letters and think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" +There are others about whom nothing at all will be written or read; +life will close over them like a grave. Either way...</p> + +<p>What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had +been unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the +universe; everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. +Then she heard a man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered +Blakka yet?" That was <em>his</em> preoccupation. So she was not +the center of the universe after all.</p> + +<p>Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on +their tour. The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked +across fields, and through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, +and water from the brooks. If they met other travelers, they +greeted them, or they did not greet them; no one was less a center +of attention than they, and no one more. Her companion walked in +vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he went.</p> + +<p>At one place they stopped for food.</p> + +<p>"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said.</p> + +<p>She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for +the time being" all the way.</p> + +<p>"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. +Perhaps we can get a loan further down the valley."</p> + +<p>"I don't borrow."</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper.</p> + +<p>"What is it?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up.</p> + +<p>"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the +visitors' book."</p> + +<p>She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and +wife; that was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. +But she had been very foolish to agree to it.</p> + +<p>"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered.</p> + +<p>And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and +took her knapsack on her back.</p> + +<p>They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both +without discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It +grew to be a habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end +of the valley by the sea, and here she revolted again.</p> + +<p>"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any +more!"</p> + +<p>The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they +saved money by it, she replied that she for her part required no +more than one room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked +again, whimpered, "Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his +back was bent.</p> + +<p>She ate alone that evening.</p> + +<p>"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the +house.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied.</p> + +<p>There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be +interested in the roof, in the style of building, and walked round +looking at it, pursing his lips and whistling. But she could see +perfectly well from the window that his face was blue and dejected. +When she had eaten, she walked down to the shore, calling as she +passed him:</p> + +<p>"Go in and eat!"</p> + +<p>But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and +slept under no roof that night.</p> + +<p>It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last +next morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, +everything slipped back again to where it had been.</p> + +<p>They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail +boat, when one evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew +him, and he knew them both; she was thrown into a state of the +greatest excitement, made ready to leave at once, wept and beat her +breast, and wanted to go home, immediately, at once. It ended as +such things usually end: when she had calmed down, she went to bed +for the night. She was not the center of the universe, and the old +acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did not appear to be +looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of flight +early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did.</p> + +<p>Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had +leisure to think things over calmly. She now broke with her +companion in earnest. She had a minor disagreement with him again, +for he had no ticket, and one word gave rise to the next. It was +all very well for her, he said; she had her return ticket in her +pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved in all these +trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, and was +she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him +her purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was +probably enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of +him.</p> + +<p>"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," +he said, and left her.</p> + +<p>She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She +was in a bad way now, so very different from what she had once +thought; what shame, what utter futility she had wandered into! She +brooded till she was worn out; then she began to listen to what +people about her were saying. Two men were huddled on benches +trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one of them say he was a +schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. The +schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the +bench.</p> + +<p>It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the +wind. The artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had +a berth, but when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He +was on the point of lighting his pipe, but stopped.</p> + +<p>"Go on, don't mind me," she said.</p> + +<p>So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her +face.</p> + +<p>He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick +reddish hair under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his +forehead. His chest was broad and flat, but his back was round and +his hands massive. A great horse.</p> + +<p>Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had +evidently been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let +the food stand.</p> + +<p>"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking +plenty of time over it; then sat still again.</p> + +<p>"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said.</p> + +<p>"Oh--haven't you come far?"</p> + +<p>"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?"</p> + +<p>"From the town. I've been on holiday."</p> + +<p>"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head.</p> + +<p>"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added.</p> + +<p>"The Tore Peak? So."</p> + +<p>"Do you know it?"</p> + +<p>"No, but I know some of the people there."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"Josephine's there," he resumed.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Do you know her?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no."</p> + +<p>They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat +there talking; it was all they had to do. She asked where he came +from and what his trade was, and it seemed he was nothing +important, only a paltry carpenter, and his mother had a small +farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee?</p> + +<p>"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a +little in the saucer?"</p> + +<p>She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a +bite of food as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she +had finished, she thanked him for that, too.</p> + +<p>"Haven't you a berth?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll +be sick."</p> + +<p>"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--"</p> + +<p>With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She +watched his back disappearing down the companion to the lower +deck.</p> + +<p>She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might +come and take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized +sandwich with the carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; +this sheltered corner seemed to her like a tiny foothold in +life.</p> + +<p>There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole +tray in his big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for +walking so carefully.</p> + +<p>She threw up her hands and overdid things a little:</p> + +<p>"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--"</p> + +<p>They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back +half-dozing. Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter +lighting his pipe; he struck two or three matches at once, but he +was in no hurry; they were always half burned before he put his +pipe in his mouth and began to suck at it. The schoolmaster called +something to him, drew his attention to something far inland, but +the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought.</p> + +<p>At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he +had been below in the cabin.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked.</p> + +<p>She did not reply.</p> + +<p>The carpenter looked from one to the other.</p> + +<p>"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion +playfully. He stood waiting a moment, and finally went away.</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," +he was thinking.</p> + +<p>"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'll be there some time."</p> + +<p>"What are you doing there?"</p> + +<p>He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she +could see at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his +elbows on his knees before he replied.</p> + +<p>"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, +maybe. It all depends."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I see."</p> + +<p>"What do you think of it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I think it's a good idea."</p> + +<p>"Do you?"</p> + +<p>They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward +evening it turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff +with sitting, she got up and stamped her feet, and when she had +stamped till she was tired, she sat down again. Once when she was +standing a little distance away, she saw the carpenter place a +parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat for her.</p> + +<p>Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, +the wind blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried:</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg, go below, will you!"</p> + +<p>"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship +heeled over on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to +take a few skips to keep her balance.</p> + +<p>"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do +you hear? I mean it, by all that's holy!"</p> + +<p>"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared.</p> + +<p>At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and +sandwiches again.</p> + +<p>"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said.</p> + +<p>He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if +she thought it was good enough.</p> + +<p>"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you +someone to go to?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, I have a sister."</p> + +<p>Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it +over, looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When +he had finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had +finished that one, too, he said:</p> + +<p>"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, +I'd better learn something. And what with the farm as well--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed."</p> + +<p>"You think so too?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes. I think so."</p> + +<p>Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private +affairs of her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got +up.</p> + +<p>As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and +said:</p> + +<p>"My name is Nikolai."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes?"</p> + +<p>"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the +town's too big--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your +kindness. Good-bye."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXII</h2> + +<p>I ask Miss Torsen:</p> + +<p>"Have you met the carpenter since?"</p> + +<p>"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him +because he's a sort of mutual acquaintance."</p> + +<p>"Acquaintance?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens +to be the brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the +Tore Peak farm last summer."</p> + +<p>"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same +family."</p> + +<p>"And that's why I've told you all this about him."</p> + +<p>"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, +did you? So you must have met him since."</p> + +<p>"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but +not to speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so +on. Then he said he was her brother."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"It was just in passing, quite by accident."</p> + +<p>This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of +things are accidental! It was an accident that I should have +stopped under a particular lamppost to look up something, to read a +few lines. And then you happened to live there."</p> + +<p>"That's right."</p> + +<p>"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I +said.</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone."</p> + +<p>"No?"</p> + +<p>"You have to be pretty naïve to marry."</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know that being naïve does any harm--being not +quite so clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being +cheated. Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever +enough."</p> + +<p>"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect +you against being cheated. What else would it do?"</p> + +<p>"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness +so much that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from +bad to worse, because why should we worry? After all we've got our +cleverness to help get us out of the mess!"</p> + +<p>"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!"</p> + +<p>"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last +summer, you know."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I +came back to town again it was as though--"</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"I don't know what to think," she said.</p> + +<p>"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the +old days people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary +schools and the right to vote; they lived their lives on a +different plane, they were naïve. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty +good way to live. Of course people were cheated in those days, too, +but they didn't smart under it so; they bore it with greater +natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance."</p> + +<p>"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of +course that's all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We +can't change the times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up +with the times."</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it +used to say so in the <em>Neue Freie Presse</em>. But a person with +character goes his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a +different way."</p> + +<p>"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she +said, stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the +day."</p> + +<p>"Do you?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good +thing?"</p> + +<p>"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?"</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know."</p> + +<p>"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first +you have to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or +possibly a pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass +through."</p> + +<p>"His valley? Whose valley?"</p> + +<p>"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the +housekeeping you're going to need from her."</p> + +<p>"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, +"you're quite on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't +anybody."</p> + +<p>"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and +handsome enough and capable enough."</p> + +<p>"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good +night."</p> + +<p>Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, +almost at a run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said +more, to have been wise and circumstantial and made useful +suggestions, but I was left standing in a kind of stupid +surprise.</p> + +<p>Then something happened.</p> + +<p>"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the +next time we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a +short walk? I was just--"</p> + +<p>"Going to post a letter, I see."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--"</p> + +<p>We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently +an advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation.</p> + +<p>As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She +turned a deep red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two +stone steps leading from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to +her chest, as though she were looking very carefully at the steps +before venturing to come down them. They greeted each other again; +the stranger shook her hand, and they began to talk.</p> + +<p>He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair +beard, and dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. +He wore a top hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with +silk.</p> + +<p>I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which +they had enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had +been quite a party, first out driving, then at supper together. It +was a memory they had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She +seemed a little embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to +look at the illustrated papers displayed in the window, when +suddenly the thought struck me: "Good God, she's in love!"</p> + +<p>"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed +something, agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he +left her.</p> + +<p>She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about +some of the pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" +But she gazed at them without seeing anything. Silently we walked +on, and for several minutes, at least, she said nothing.</p> + +<p>"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally.</p> + +<p>"Is that who it was?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"His name's Flaten."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is +he?"</p> + +<p>"His father's a merchant."</p> + +<p>"But he himself?"</p> + +<p>"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but what about <em>him</em>; what does he do?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His +father's so rich, you know."</p> + +<p>I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid +countryman's shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of +horses, while the owners were busy making purchases in the +shop.</p> + +<p>"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws +money about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all +whisper, 'That's Flaten!'"</p> + +<p>"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses +well--always has."</p> + +<p>"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly.</p> + +<p>She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod:</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"What--that dandy?"</p> + +<p>"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, +spent a lot of time together. It's really based on a firm +foundation. He's the only man I've ever been in love with in all my +life, and it's lasted many years. Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget +him, but the moment I see him again, I'm as much in love as ever. +I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but that doesn't +change it. It's queer."</p> + +<p>"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and +asked nothing more.</p> + +<p>When we parted, I said:</p> + +<p>"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near +there, and I can show you if you like. What do you want to see him +for?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a +competent master."</p> + +<hr> +<p>Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? +Yet I have visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in +stature, strong and plain-featured, a man of few words. Last +Saturday we saw the town together; why, I don't know, but I +suggested it myself.</p> + +<p>I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the +weather was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very +little now; she had changed so much since returning to the town. +She had become more the ordinary type of girl, not in any one +thing, but in general. She thought of nothing but vanities and +nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten her last summer's +wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at school again, +in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and this +occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence.</p> + +<p>"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going +to school again; I've been going to school ever since I was a +child. I'm no good at anything else. I can only learn--that's what +I'm used to. There isn't much I can think or do on my own, and I +don't enjoy it either. So what do you expect?"</p> + +<p>No, what could I expect?</p> + +<p>Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised +at anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics +on horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I +thought tigers were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head +seemed preoccupied with other thoughts, and he paid little +attention to the women riders who were doing their tricks.</p> + +<p>On the way home he said:</p> + +<p>"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the +<em>Krone</em> with me tomorrow evening?"</p> + +<p>"The <em>Krone</em>--what's that?"</p> + +<p>"It's a place where they dance."</p> + +<p>"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much +like dancing?"</p> + +<p>"No, not much."</p> + +<p>"You want to see what goes on there?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"All right, I'll go."</p> + +<hr> +<p>It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, +that the carpenter and I went to the dance.</p> + +<p>He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch +chain. But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well +in anything. He had such remarkable strength that it was never +necessary for him to give way; this had lent him assurance and +authority. If you spoke to him, he was slow to reply, and if you +slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow in turning round to see +who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, good-humored companion.</p> + +<p>We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the +window was closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the +hall was let to a private club for the first two hours of the +evening.</p> + +<p>A few young people came along as we were standing there, read +the notice, and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, +looked round, and went in through the gate as though looking for +someone.</p> + +<p>"We can't do anything about it," I called after him.</p> + +<p>"No," he said. "But I wonder--?"</p> + +<p>He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows.</p> + +<p>A man came down the stairs.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter +still showed no inclination to return from the yard.</p> + +<p>The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He +explained, like the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the +first two hours.</p> + +<p>"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion.</p> + +<p>But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while +waiting for him.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but +just the same they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you +see."</p> + +<p>They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they +danced as though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, +well, young people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening +at home; they wanted to work off the week's idleness in two hours, +so they danced. Not unusual, really.</p> + +<p>"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two +hours than in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal +people--they don't count the pennies. And yet there's no wear and +tear, because of course people like that don't dance on their +heels."</p> + +<p>The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to +us.</p> + +<p>"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?"</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. +"It's a private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for +instance, I don't even know who they are. The money just came by +special messenger."</p> + +<p>"It's Flaten," said the carpenter.</p> + +<p>"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know +it. "Mr. Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always +in fashionable company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, +I must have another look round the hall--"</p> + +<p>The landlord left us.</p> + +<p>But the carpenter followed him.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't we look on?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"What, at the dancing? Oh, no."</p> + +<p>"In a corner somewhere?"</p> + +<p>"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and +daughter in--nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it."</p> + +<p>"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last +time.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back.</p> + +<p>"So you knew about this party?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday."</p> + +<p>"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery."</p> + +<p>We walked on down the street, each busy with his own +thoughts--or perhaps with the same thought. I, at least, was +furious.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to +buy<br> + tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!"<br> +</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It +was preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like +a third party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? +A thought struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I +could:</p> + +<p>"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say +anything about that?"</p> + +<p>"No," he replied.</p> + +<p>"Didn't she say anything about me?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to +lie!" I was highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out +of the carpenter.</p> + +<p>Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the <em>Krone</em>. +Nikolai turned and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept +straight on, he hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard +him once sighing heavily.</p> + +<p>We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made +myself agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer +together, then went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting +gallery. Finally we went to a skittle ground, where we stayed for +some time. Nikolai was the first to want to leave; he looked at his +watch, and was suddenly in a tearing hurry. He was hardly even +willing to finish the game.</p> + +<p>We had to pass the <em>Krone</em> again. The cars had gone.</p> + +<p>"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very +disappointed. I believe he would have liked to be present when the +party came out to enter their cars. He looked up and down the empty +street and repeated, "Just as I thought!" He was suddenly anxious +to go home.</p> + +<p>"No, let's go inside," I said.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, +and a throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery +looking on.</p> + +<p>There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, +shop assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently +seamstresses, servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of +light-footed damsels who had no daytime occupation. The floor was +crowded with dancers. In addition to a constable whose duty it was +to intervene if necessity arose, the establishment had its own +commissionaire, who walked about the hall with a stick, keeping an +eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance was finished, the +gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten <em>öre</em>. If +anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire would tap +him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and +might, as a last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably +maintained.</p> + +<p>Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed +a man who was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping +once--tall, swarthy, lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered +round him.</p> + +<p>"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I +thought.</p> + +<p>"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," he replied with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Then we can leave any time you like."</p> + +<p>"All right," he said and remained seated.</p> + +<p>"Your thoughts seem to be far away."</p> + +<p>A long pause.</p> + +<p>"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to +carry all the manure and the wood myself."</p> + +<p>"So that's why you're so strong."</p> + +<p>"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the +winter."</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course you will."</p> + +<p>"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent.</p> + +<p>"Yes?"</p> + +<p>"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with +me this winter, though--I've got a small spare room."</p> + +<p>"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea.</p> + +<p>"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter.</p> + +<p>Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, +there he was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore +Peak. He was standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he +was Solem--"Solem, my lad." He appeared not to be in the company of +any one lady, for I saw him choosing partners indiscriminately. +Then he chose the wrong lady, and her partner shook his head and +said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the couple to dance the +next dance, and when it was finished, approached again and bowed to +the lady. Once more he was refused.</p> + +<p>The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, +who could tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without +trimming. How quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, +but what a gentle one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that +of a repentant sinner. Peerless!</p> + +<p>This was a woman for Solem.</p> + +<p>It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman +that he began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my +lad." But his boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he +would show them an image of sin! There was no sting in it; just +old, familiar rubbish these people had heard before. The +commissionaire crossed over to him and asked him to be quiet, +pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. This +pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself +said: "Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of +the Grecian and her partner.</p> + +<p>He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other +partners to dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the +late-comers having by this time arrived. Many were crowded off the +floor and had to wait, rushing to get first place in the next dance +instead.</p> + +<p>Then something happened.</p> + +<p>A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he +was getting up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and +her partner, both of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely +clumsy as he rose that his long arms and legs brought down a third +couple. In a few minutes there was a squirming heap on the floor; +screams and oaths were heard, people grew angry and kicked one +another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster with sincere +and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them +with his stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself +assisted him, and the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting +with the better part of valor, slipped out of the room and did not +return.</p> + +<p>Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing +their shins, dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others +swearing. The Grecian lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his +temple, and put his hands to his head in a daze. Questions were +being asked about that--what was his name?--that tall fellow who +had started all the trouble. "Solem," said some of the ladies. +Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. "Go and find +him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," said +the ladies.</p> + +<p>Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him!</p> + +<p>But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from +the floor clung to her black dress, making it look as though +spangled with stardust. Submissively she accepted the lot of lying +under all the others, entwined in their legs, and smiled when +someone pointed out to her that the comb in her Grecian knot was +crushed.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXIII</h2> + +<p>Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the +snowplow at home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years +ago.</p> + +<p>Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. +I sit in the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been +observant, he would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, +my absurdity augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he +was a child. In the end I left it all behind me, and took my proper +seat. My address is the chimney corner.</p> + +<p>Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and +Anglo-Saxon claptrap in the town. This is my desolate period; my +wheels stop, my hair stops growing, my nails stop growing, +everything stops growing but the days of my life. And it is well +that my days increase--from now on it is well.</p> + +<p>Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has +got an overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really +need it, he says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; +and it was dear, twenty <em>kroner</em>, but he got it for +eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is much happier about his overcoat than +Flaten is about his.</p> + +<p>But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. +His friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of +bachelordom, for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told +me this; I met her by accident again under her own lamppost, and +she told me then.</p> + +<p>"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a +long time. Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't +know."</p> + +<p>"I think you've hit the truth there."</p> + +<p>She looked startled.</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were +straight and competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you +wanted. What's happened to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no +longer reason to be bitter?"</p> + +<p>This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and +meant well.</p> + +<p>She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said +something very sensible:</p> + +<p>"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you +things exactly as they were. I lost my post, which was a very +serious matter. This made me reflect for a time; that's true. But +then--I don't know--I'm quite adult, but not adult enough. I have +two sisters who are really steady; they're married and quite +settled, though they're younger than I. I don't know what's wrong +with me."</p> + +<p>"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. +"It might have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you +about the dinner party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they +thought of!"</p> + +<p>She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a +great many pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too +bad. First they had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of +all, Flaten was sent an invitation, of course, and it consisted of +a painting, a very emancipated painting in a frame, the only +written words being the date and the place, and the legend: +<em>Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, Bacchanales</em>. Then there +were speeches for him who was about to leave them, and generally +speaking a most deafening shouting over the wineglasses. And there +was music, with someone of the company playing all the time.</p> + +<p>But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, +and girls with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As +there had been a great deal of champagne, however, this part of the +program tended to deteriorate into something different, and the +girls had to be sent away. Then the gentlemen went down to the +hotel lobby and stood at the door watching for "opportunities."</p> + +<p>There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of +clothes. Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent +forward over the child to shelter it as she walked.</p> + +<p>"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your +child!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he's mine."</p> + +<p>"What, a boy?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a +servant girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, +who were both short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected +it carefully.</p> + +<p>"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says.</p> + +<p>"No," says the girl in confusion.</p> + +<p>That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first +one admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it +over the girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin +and made it smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and +dirt all in one little bundle.</p> + +<p>"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!"</p> + +<p>"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," +they said. "Where do you live?" to the girl.</p> + +<p>"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"<em>Have</em> lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of +them said, taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and +a great deal of money was pushed into the girl's hand.</p> + +<p>"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her +such a nasty question," said the first of them.</p> + +<p>"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same +thing, but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a +maiden!"</p> + +<p>A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then +Bengt hailed a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after +her.</p> + +<p>"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the +driver.</p> + +<p>Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. +The group were rather silent after this.</p> + +<p>"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about +the money?"</p> + +<p>"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old +woman!"</p> + +<p>They grew cheerful again, and there were further +"opportunities." A peasant came down the street with a cow he was +taking to the butcher's.</p> + +<p>"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your +cow?" young Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his +head. So they bought the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a +minute," they said to the peasant. Then they put a label on the +cow, addressed to a lady they knew.</p> + +<p>"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant.</p> + +<p>By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned.</p> + +<p>"Where have <em>you</em> been?" they asked in surprise.</p> + +<p>"The old lady said yes," was all he replied.</p> + +<p>"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, +let's go to the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old +lady, too! What are we standing here for? Let's walk into the +bar!"</p> + +<p><em>"Walk!"</em> someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, +cars!"</p> + +<p>The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it +was getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing +time and people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars +arrived, ten of them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered +them.</p> + +<p>"Where to?" asked the drivers.</p> + +<p>"Next door," they said.</p> + +<p>So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that +being the bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the +drivers.</p> + +<p>The bar was closed.</p> + +<p>"Shall we break in?" they said.</p> + +<p>"Of course," they said.</p> + +<p>So they all ran against the door together, till it said +<em>ump!</em> and flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, +shouting, and they caught hold of him, slapped him on the back, and +embraced him. Then they went behind the counter and got out bottles +for him and for themselves, drinking and shouting hurrah for the +baby, for Bengt's mother, for the baby's mother, for the night +watchman, for love and for life. When they had done, they put some +banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied a handkerchief +over them. Then they went back to the dining room.</p> + +<p>The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom +slipper lined with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long +as they had the strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. +Then Flaten began to distribute souvenirs among them. One got his +watch, another his pocketbook (which was empty), a third his tie +pin. After this he went on to his shoes, giving one to each of two +friends, his trousers to another, and his shirt to still another, +till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they collected quilts +from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk eiderdown +quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. He +slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for +some more clothes. And then the party began all over again....</p> + +<p>Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten +one or two details which she filled in afterwards.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said.</p> + +<p>"And for the baby itself," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a +tale!"</p> + +<p>"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that."</p> + +<p>"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the +money they settled on the child."</p> + +<p>"You'll change your mind about that, too."</p> + +<p>"Shall I? Why? When?"</p> + +<p>"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you."</p> + +<p>"Ugh, how can you say such things!"</p> + +<p>She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly +offended. To restore her to good humor I asked at random:</p> + +<p>"What sort of food did you get at the party?"</p> + +<p>"Don't know," she replied.</p> + +<p>"Don't you know?"</p> + +<p>"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest +amazement.</p> + +<p>"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--"</p> + +<p>"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still +more offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the +summer, and tore them apart again.</p> + +<p>"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only +thought you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do +learn cooking and such in the daytime."</p> + +<p>"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your +speech to suit my narrow outlook!"</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked +about the food, only I forgot."</p> + +<p>She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to +talk about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured:</p> + +<p>"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry."</p> + +<p>"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you +want to know for? You don't know her."</p> + +<p>"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I +persisted.</p> + +<p>"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I +do! Flaten, Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to +enter his father's firm!"</p> + +<p>"I only thought once he's married--"</p> + +<p>"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his +father's firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's +so funny about that?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not laughing."</p> + +<p>"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since +Lind publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human +journal, he says."</p> + +<p>"A human journal?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, +almost throwing the words into my face.</p> + +<p>She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did +not understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? +Yes, perhaps I ought." Then she began to cry.</p> + +<p>"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more."</p> + +<p>"You're not tormenting me."</p> + +<p>"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right +note."</p> + +<p>"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--"</p> + +<p>What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing +so interesting as a question about oneself, I said:</p> + +<p>"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. +Perhaps--well, not at once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you +that--well, that he's going his own way now. But remember--"</p> + +<p>"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really +mean anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him."</p> + +<p>"But you said he was the only one!"</p> + +<p>"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course +I've been in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten +was very nice, and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or +something like that. And of course I was proud of his paying +attention to me in spite of my having lost my post. I think I could +have got a job in his father's shop but--anyhow, I'm looking for a +job now."</p> + +<p>"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one."</p> + +<p>"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That +is, I shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old +Flaten's shop--I shouldn't fit in there."</p> + +<p>"Not very good pay either, I expect?"</p> + +<p>"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too +much for it. That wretched academic training of mine does nothing +but harm. Oh, well, let's not talk any more about me. It must be +late; I'd better go."</p> + +<p>I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought +about her ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and +an invisible sky. No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man +is served with a wife who is nothing but a student. Why has no one +in the country noticed what the young women are coming to! Miss +Torsen's tale of the wild party proved how accustomed she was to +sitting and listening, and then herself disgorging endless tales. +She had done it very well and not omitted much, but she paid +attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, one who +had studied her life away.</p> + +<p>When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the +same time; she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed +this from the fact that she was not in the least breathless as she +spoke.</p> + +<p>"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said.</p> + +<p>"My dear girl--?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry +about that. Please be kind and forgive me."</p> + +<p>She took my hand and shook it.</p> + +<p>In my amazement I stammered:</p> + +<p>"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now +don't stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you +walking back?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening."</p> + +<p>"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you."</p> + +<p>She pressed my hand firmly and left me.</p> + +<p>I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! +Nevertheless I stole after her to see that she got home safely.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that +spirit of labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she +came to pay me a visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked +with her again and called her Joséfriendly.</p> + +<p>How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about +all of them, but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank +much now; but he did little of anything else either, and had +definitely lost interest in his work. He wanted to sell the farm. +He wanted to try carting and delivery by horse cart in Stordalen. I +asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; Einar, one of the +cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all depended on +Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it.</p> + +<p>I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man +with mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was +ninety, who smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and +asked Josephine:</p> + +<p>"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?"</p> + +<p>"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared +hope. We must be thankful he's still on his feet."</p> + +<p>I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought +it all quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the +ladies who rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one +of the great churches, too, and found her way there alone. For +several days she was in the town and did a good deal of shopping. I +never once saw her dejected or brooding about anything, and at +length she said good-bye, because she was going back next day.</p> + +<p>Oh, so she was going home?</p> + +<p>Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to +see Miss Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course +he had never sent it.</p> + +<p>"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, +and turned quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it +very easy either, because she asked me to wait till next day, but +she gave it to me then."</p> + +<p>So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. She had just +visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met Miss +Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had +seen him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she +was not a one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock +as well. As far as that was concerned, she had some woolen +blankets, and two beds complete with bedding, too, nor did she lack +clothes: she had many changes, both underthings and top ones. Yet +in spite of that she had started some more weaving.</p> + +<p>I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had +had no inkling--</p> + +<p>No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting +the troth and all. But that had been their intention. Because +otherwise why should that schoolmistress, that sister of his, +Sophie Palm, have come up and stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak +farm for two whole summers, and behaved as though she were a lady? +No, thank you, that was the end of that. Anyhow, that was what she, +Josephine, had thought once, but it was a Providence that it wasn't +going to happen, because there would never have been anything but +trouble. So it was just as well.</p> + +<p>Suddenly Josephine caught herself up:</p> + +<p>"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my +weaving. Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your +hospitality."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXIV</h2> + +<p>It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied +Nikolai to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any +case, he had decided to go home and fell timber in the woods.</p> + +<p>It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by +Nikolai's father, while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and +built on a second story. He has plenty of room for me; I have a +small room to myself.</p> + +<p>His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to +see to, and usually she is washing something or other, even if it +is nothing more than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the +kitchen stove, and keeps her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, +and strains her milk through a muslin cloth, which she afterward +washes and rinses twice. But she picks food remnants from between +the prongs of forks with a hairpin!</p> + +<p>A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix +hang on the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves +with oddments, including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are +still simple and orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture +in the house, the chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly +constructed chest, have all been made by Nikolai himself.</p> + +<p>Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the +day after we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his +mother. When I asked for him, she said:</p> + +<p>"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the +woods."</p> + +<p>His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she +cannot be much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and +big-muscled, with a fair complexion and thick, graying hair, a +veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are good companions to her +hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good enough to see far +and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, like all the +peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut.</p> + +<p>I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For +nearly a generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects +herself. "Sophie is four and twenty now, and it was the year after +her birth that he died."</p> + +<p>They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and +twenty.</p> + +<p>I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I +cannot make it tally.</p> + +<p>Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had +gone to school and passed an examination, and now held such an +important post. Of course her inheritance was used up, but she had +her learning instead. Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, +handsome girl, Sophie--look, here is her portrait.</p> + +<p>I said I had met her at Tore Peak.</p> + +<p>At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be +among her equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came +home every year, too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I +had met her at Tore Peak?</p> + +<p>Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made +myself slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance +almost to the point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. +And now it becomes evident that his brain works well, too. He +should have had a horse, yes, but he cannot keep a horse till he +can provide more fodder. But he cannot buy more pasture land till +he has more money. But he was learning more about his trade in the +town, and when he had finished his course of training, he would +earn more money. After that he would buy a horse.</p> + +<p>I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the +farmers cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no +poverty. Here were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the +walls, as at Petra's; but good, thick furs with woven backs hung +over the doors, and the children looked healthy and well-fed. The +neighbors all knew I lived at Petra's house; every visitor to this +district lived at Petra's house--had done so as long as they could +remember. I could sense no hostility to Petra in these silent +people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, and he was +quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a bachelor; he +had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, at +some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra?</p> + +<p>The schoolmaster gossiped thus:</p> + +<p>People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always +used to live at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, +and the engineer that planned the big road lived there, and so did +the two traveling preachers, to say nothing of the itinerant +peddlers who toured the district all the year round. So it went on +for many a year, with the children growing up, and Petra getting +big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big merchant--a +wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, with his +own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were glass +panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with +Petra, and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that +the child Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and +saw him, he stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm +added two rooms to the house, for it was his intention to open a +shop there. But when he had built honestly and well, he died. His +widow was left with two small children, but she had means enough, +for Palm had had plenty of money. Then why did not Petra remarry? +She could have got a man in spite of the handicap of two small +children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. But from her +childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled by this +love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them +stayed there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was +shameful. Her parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had +always been their way of living, and besides it brought them a +little money. So the years went by. When the children were grown +and Sophie was out of the way, she might have married even then, +for she still had half her money left, and being childless again, +it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +<em>was</em> too late, she said; it was the children's turn to +marry now, she said.</p> + +<p>"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know +whether anyone has asked her this year, but last year there was +someone--one person--or so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra +didn't want to. If I could only guess what she's waiting for."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps she's not waiting at all."</p> + +<p>"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she +takes in all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a +public nuisance of herself...."</p> + +<p>As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood +Petra's arithmetic much better.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have +remained behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes +a dead man of me in any case.</p> + +<p>To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that +Nikolai is going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate +what it will cost him, with drainage and everything: a bare two +hundred <em>kroner</em>. Then he could keep a horse. It would have +been an act of charity to give him this money in case his mother +could not. He could have added another field to his land then.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the +two hundred<br> + <em>kroner</em> he needs for fodder for a horse?"<br> +</p> + +<p>"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered.</p> + +<p>"That makes six."</p> + +<p>"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred <em>kroners</em> lying +about."</p> + +<p>"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?"</p> + +<p>A pause. Then:</p> + +<p>"He can break the ground himself."</p> + +<p>I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has +his own problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that +each one of us struggles for himself as though he had a hundred +years to live. I once knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a +large farm, the produce of which they sold. Both were well-to-do +bachelors without heirs. But both had diseased lungs, the younger +brother's much worse than the elder's. In the spring, the younger +brother became permanently bedridden, but though he approached his +end, he still maintained an interest in everything that went on at +the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called his +brother in.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Only someone to buy eggs."</p> + +<p>"What's the price per score now?"</p> + +<p>His brother told him.</p> + +<p>"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned.</p> + +<p>A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his +sixty-seventh year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody +came to buy eggs, he always gave him the smallest....</p> + +<p>"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time +breaking his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his +trade he'll earn more!"</p> + +<p>"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy +their chairs and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper."</p> + +<p>"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?"</p> + +<p>"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just +wants to be a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he +can do as he likes."</p> + +<p>"Well, what else could he do?"</p> + +<p>A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she +says:</p> + +<p>"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the +summer, both at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time +we had two Danes living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you +had a horse, you could have driven us here,' they said to me."</p> + +<p>"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the +bag!"</p> + +<p>"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and +'There are high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in +the fjord and fish in the river; there are lots of things here, and +there's a broad road here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to +them and heard it all, too. 'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we +can't get away again unless we walk.'"</p> + +<p>Just to say something, I asked her:</p> + +<p>"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the +big mouth replied.</p> + +<p>"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued:</p> + +<p>"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to +get a horse, wouldn't he?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied.</p> + +<p>"It's four hundred <em>kroner</em>."</p> + +<p>"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty."</p> + +<p>"But this land won't feed a horse!"</p> + +<p>"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy +sacks of oats on the headland."</p> + +<p>"That's eighteen <em>kroner</em> a sack."</p> + +<p>"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first +tourist."</p> + +<p>Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, +and had grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had +she not put two snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The +money for coffee, for the bed at night and waffles in the morning, +had grown so dear to her that she hid it away, watched it increase, +and grew rich on it. She did not produce like other peasant women, +but no one can do everything at one time, and Petra was a parasite. +She did not want to live by earning something; she wanted to live +on the tourists who earned enough themselves, and could afford to +come.</p> + +<p>Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all +works out as it should--and it probably will.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, +and I harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is +hard, I shall walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I +shall do.</p> + +<p>But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, +who is cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in +Nikolai's workshop, where there are many kinds of planes and saws +and drills and lathes, and there I fashion strange things. For the +small boys of the neighboring farm, I make a windmill that will +really turn in the wind. It whirls and rattles well, and I remember +my own childhood when we called this apparatus onomatopoeically a +<em>windwhirr</em>.</p> + +<p>Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well +as I can, which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do +I blame anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of +omnipotence? For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods +with my hands folded on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a +moment by an occasional memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in +surprise. Can this be an iron in the fire? It is not, for it fades +again, and I am left behind in a quiet melancholy.</p> + +<p>But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled +with a heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and +pictures rise in my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones:</p> + +<p class="poetry"> We came from the meadow<br> + and downy heather;<br> + we came from friendship,<br> + too-loo-loo-lay!<br> + A star that watched<br> + saw lips meet lips.<br> + None else so dear,<br> + so sweet as you.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Those youthful days,<br> + those happy days,<br> + unmatched since then!<br> + but what am I now?<br> + The bees once swarmed,<br> + the swan once played.<br> + There's no play now,<br> + yet too-loo-loo-lay!<br> +</p> + +<p>I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still +resounding within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at +least.</p> + +<p>There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? +The letter is as follows:</p> +<p> </p> +<p>Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you +about something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon +as you come back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say +no.</p> + +<p>Yours,</p> + +<p>Ingeborg Torsen</p> + +<p>I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm +going to Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing +myself in the affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old +uncle, that I can be summoned hither and thither to give advice? +Excuse me, but I am going to assert myself and become quite +inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I have planned a big +journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very important to +me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the mind of +man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at +all displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I +am so pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall +soon see the town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and +its ships.</p> + +<p>But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's +and got my address? Or has she met Nikolai?</p> + +<p>I left at once.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXV</h2> + +<p>My landlady was surprised.</p> + +<p>"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your +mail."</p> + +<p>"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a +jewel."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my +address to someone."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed; I swear I haven't."</p> + +<p>"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're +right, I am happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early +and walk down by the shore."</p> + +<p>"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't +wrong of me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you +arrived."</p> + +<p>"A lady? You sent a message just now?"</p> + +<p>"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome +lady; she might have been your daughter, you know."</p> + +<p>"Thank you."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at +once, because she had to see you about something."</p> + +<p>The landlady left me.</p> + +<p>So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have +happened. She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, +everything was neat and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. +There, she can have that chair; I'd better light the other lamp, +too. It might not be a bad idea to sit down to my correspondence; +that would make a good impression, and if I put some letters in a +small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a little +jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now....</p> + +<p>Then she knocked and came in.</p> + +<p>I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely +drew out a chair for her.</p> + +<p>"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen +to send me a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little +embarrassed about it, but--"</p> + +<p>I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to +pound. Why should my heart be affected?</p> + +<p>"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, +expectant and on the defensive.</p> + +<p>"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She +began to clasp her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of +her gloves projected beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of +great excitement.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps <em>now</em> I've done something you'll approve of?" +she said, suddenly pulling off her glove.</p> + +<p>She had a ring on her finger.</p> + +<p>"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to +understand more later, and merely asked:</p> + +<p>"Are you engaged?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though +her mouth shook.</p> + +<p>I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, +"Well, now, well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed +formally, and said: "My heartiest congratulations!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the +best thing to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or +rash or--well, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know--"</p> + +<p>"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd +tell you."</p> + +<p>I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I +had only risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to +smoke.</p> + +<p>A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the +minutes passed and I saw she was distressed, I said:</p> + +<p>"Why did you want to tell me this?"</p> + +<p>"Yes--why did I?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the +world again, but--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I expect so."</p> + +<p>She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; +she had been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. +I rose, too. An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good +heavens, what could I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, +and at the same time looked very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? +But as she got up, I could see her face better under her hat--I +could see her hair--the hair that was beginning to show silken and +silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! She was tall and +handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her great +breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly +dry--</p> + +<p>"Miss Ingeborg!"</p> + +<p>It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand +toward her slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I +don't know--</p> + +<p>But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her +eyes had grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place +again, as she walked toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped +me.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me +more."</p> + +<p>"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the +universe. Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, +and you--well, of course, you're busy with your extensive +correspondence."</p> + +<p>"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the +letters; they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, +probably from complete strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; +you owe me that much. Look, I shan't even read the letters."</p> + +<p>And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire.</p> + +<p>"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, +trying to save them.</p> + +<p>"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me +through the post, and sorrows I do not seek."</p> + +<p>She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point +of touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught +myself in time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and +sympathetically as I could:</p> + +<p>"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for +the best; you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better."</p> + +<p>No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank +into her chair almost absently.</p> + +<p>"I'm not unhappy," she said.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you? So much the better!"</p> + +<p>I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain +myself, to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I +talked to distract her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I +could hear it buzzing. What could I say? A little of everything--a +great deal, in fact:</p> + +<p>"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky +man? Nice of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very +nice; thank you very much. You see I've only just come home and I +haven't slept much on the journey. I was anxious to know--well, +perhaps not anxious exactly--but still--You know what such a +homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I hardly got any sleep. +Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you for coming, +Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a child; +that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give +you advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can +quite safely--I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? +Young, of course. I am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss +Ingeborg, in your new condition. I mean, it will be so entirely +different from what you've been accustomed to, but God bless you, +it will all turn out for the best, I'm sure of that--"</p> + +<p>"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at +me apprehensively again.</p> + +<p>"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who +is it? A dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a +schoolmaster perhaps, a clever young schoolmaster--"</p> + +<p>She shook her head.</p> + +<p>"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly.</p> + +<p>"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry +you on his paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you +for your birthday?"</p> + +<p>But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the +first time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the +wall, then at another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop +now, after having spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and +feeling profoundly excited besides--heaven only knows why.</p> + +<p>"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could +not see the drift of this question, I merely looked at her.</p> + +<p>"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"What is she like?"</p> + +<p>"Are you interested in her?"</p> + +<p>"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily.</p> + +<p>"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly +engaged! What the country was like? Well, there was a +schoolmaster--you know, an old bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he +knew me, and put on the most extraordinary airs the first day. And +of course I returned the compliment and said I had come exclusively +to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why should it be?' I said; +'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, permanent churchman, +chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I attended his +class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he had an +audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was +riding on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The +man,' Peter replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, +Peter--maybe the man was riding. Just like sin, like the devil +riding us....'"</p> + +<p>But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me +again. I changed the subject clumsily:</p> + +<p>"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore +Peak, for instance. Josephine has been in town."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head.</p> + +<p>"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever +forget him. In a certain number of years I shall be like +him--perhaps not quite so old. Then I shall be a child again with +age. One day he came out, and went down to the field. I saw him; he +had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of things, and I saw him +lie down and eat the hay."</p> + +<p>She stared at me foolishly.</p> + +<p>"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before--possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had +been left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next +tourist year."</p> + +<p>"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer +me up, because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps +he's too good for me; that's what his sister seems to think, +anyhow, because she tried to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy +snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, I'm not unhappy, and that +isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much rather have him than +anyone else--since I can't get the one I really want."</p> + +<p>"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But +the man you want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that +you didn't belong with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I +mean--"</p> + +<p>"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the +place I'm going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for +anybody--at least I can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how +I'll manage. I wonder if he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my +very best; I've made up my mind to that."</p> + +<p>"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. +I can't believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly +in love, and you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come +through with flying colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable +and intelligent."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she +hesitated over something, and seemed about to speak, then changed +her mind again. At the door, she stood with her back to me, pulling +on her gloves, and said:</p> + +<p>"So you think I ought to do it?"</p> + +<p>I was taken aback by the question, and replied:</p> + +<p>"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can +tell from your manner that I've done the right thing."</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know. I can't tell."</p> + +<p>I crossed the room to her.</p> + +<p>"Who is it?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good +night."</p> + +<p>She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking +at the floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled +helplessly round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door +and was gone. I called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, +and hurried after her. An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened +the street door. An empty street. She must have run.</p> + +<p>"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought.</p> + +<hr> +<p>One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all +the usual places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go +up to her home and inquire about her. At first this did not seem to +me too improper, but when it came to the point, I hesitated. There +is, after all, something to be lost by making a fool of oneself. +But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, of course, but still--</p> + +<p>A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; +I hope she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home +and ring the bell....</p> + +<p>She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, +last week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai.</p> + +<hr> +<p>March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling +how much longer it may still last. That's what March is for.</p> + +<p>I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger +entertainment at the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my +friend. You saw how cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you +even took part yourself, and you carry about a broken rib as a +cherished little memento of the occasion. I saw it all from a +slight distance away, ten miles, to be exact; no people were near +me, but there were seven heavens above.</p> + +<p>And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to +say about the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the +harvest at the theater--in dollars, and in sterling.</p> + +<p>The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. +There he goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all +his glory. By next year, he will have dragged other progressive +people in his wake; he will have dressed up Norway still more, and +made it still more attractive to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, +and more sterling.</p> + +<p>What, do I hear someone objecting?</p> + +<p>Yes, Switzerland.</p> + +<p>Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her +thus: "Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can +squeeze so much profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at +such clockwork? Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want +to rob you; there are no pickpockets at this table. Here's to +you!"</p> + +<p>But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves +and fight. There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and +our rival--is Switzerland.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room.</p> + +<p>"What, is it spring?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's getting on."</p> + +<p>"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should +very much have liked to stay, because this is really where I +belong; but what more can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. +Do you understand me? I grieve continually, and my heart sits +wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is spinning coins: I toss a +coin into the air and wait. When I came here last autumn I wasn't +so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger then, yet +I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn."</p> + +<p>"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three +weeks ago, when you came back from the country, you were so +happy!"</p> + +<p>"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so +fast, and nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, +never mind; at all events, I shall go away. I must travel when the +spring comes. I have always done so in the past, and I want to do +the same thing now. Sit down, Mrs. Henriksen."</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I'm too busy."</p> + +<p>Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you +were last autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, +don't you? Dear Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit +stockings for the whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your +family together like a mother. But you mustn't let your little +Louise sit for twelve years on a school form. If you do, you'll +hardly ever see her all through her youth, those formative years of +her life. And then she can't be like you or learn from you. She'll +learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn to be a +mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and family +together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is +not food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of +continual famine for her soul.</p> + +<p>"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go +aboard a steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I +will go ashore. If I find, on looking about me, that I have +traveled too far or not far enough, I shall board a ship again and +sail on. Once I walked across into Sweden as far as Kalmar and even +Öland, but that was too far, so I turned back. No one cares to know +where I am, least of all myself."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVI</h2> + +<p>You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of +two years.</p> + +<p>And now it is spring again....</p> + +<p>It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for +there is music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the +tightrope walker is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every +sort throng the village. The crowds are great, and there is even a +sprinkling of Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and +whinny, cows low, and trading is brisk.</p> + +<p>In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great +cow of silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the +local farmers stop to admire.</p> + +<p>"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a +laugh.</p> + +<p>"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh.</p> + +<p>"Why, do you want to buy her?"</p> + +<p>"No, haven't got fodder enough this year."</p> + +<p>A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of +this window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive +back. He stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no +doubt, for now and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure +enough, entering the shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he +intends to buy the silver cow!</p> + +<p>It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth +is he doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might +as well go the whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the +goldsmith's window myself, mingling with the other spectators, and +watching the door.</p> + +<p>At last the man re-emerges--yes, it <em>is</em> Nikolai. It was +his back and hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks +splendid. Imagine Carpenter Nikolai being here!</p> + +<p>We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and +ponderously by the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get +on. Yes, of course, he has gone into the shop on business, in a +kind of way.</p> + +<p>"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In +fact, I didn't buy anything."</p> + +<p>By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells +me that he has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it +into pasture, and his wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she +lives in health to this day.</p> + +<p>"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I came last winter. In December."</p> + +<p>"What a pity I didn't know!"</p> + +<p>I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I +was in a hurry, there was some business--</p> + +<p>"Yes, I understand," he said.</p> + +<p>We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. +Besides, he had other business to attend to; he cannot absent +himself from the farm for long, and had to return next day.</p> + +<p>"Have you bought your horse yet?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no, I haven't."</p> + +<p>"Do you think you will?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and +twenty <em>kroner</em>."</p> + +<p>Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to +do a great deal of business there.</p> + +<p>"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's +spring, and do I not always travel in the spring?"</p> + +<p>I began to pack my knapsack.</p> + +<p>Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had +entered. I opened my window and called to him to ask if he had +bought the horse.</p> + +<p>"N-no--the man won't meet my price."</p> + +<p>"Well, can't you meet his?"</p> + +<p>"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got +enough money on me."</p> + +<p>"I could lend you some."</p> + +<p>At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer +were a fairy tale.</p> + +<p>"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going now?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--"</p> + +<p>Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that +at all. He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter +without stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That +was all. But as I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped +packing, nor would I ask Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I +went out for a walk in the town. I had as much right to do that as +anyone.</p> + +<p>I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to +exchange a few words.</p> + +<p>"Is it yours?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he +replied with a smile.</p> + +<p>We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the +horse. She was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat +and an off-white mane and tail--a perfect little lady.</p> + +<p>That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for +a chat about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was +saying good-bye at the door, he seemed struck by a sudden +thought.</p> + +<p>"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but +you could get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there +day after tomorrow," he added.</p> + +<p>How could I offend him again?</p> + +<p>We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at +the frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack +all the way, as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested +that we should share the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I +think Nikolai wanted to spare the little tawny lady.</p> + +<p>At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and +carefully rubbed down the mare once more. As our path sloped +downward, I felt a pressure, a contraction in my chest; it was the +sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the matter, but it was +nothing.</p> + +<p>On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the +doorway a woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the +floor. It was the Saturday cleaning day.</p> + +<p>"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping +dead in his tracks as he did so.</p> + +<p>The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it +was she, Miss Ingeborg, <em>Fru</em> <a name="fn"></a><a class= +"fnsuper" href="#fn1">1</a> Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of +the floor.</p> + +<p>"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, +laughing. "That's her idea of fun!"</p> + +<p>And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of +lightheartedness! Yet I had seen how content he had been all the +way home, how deeply content, and proud of the little lady he was +bringing with him. Even now he was still stroking her.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It +all seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little +time, a moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her +time, too.</p> + +<p>"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim.</p> + +<p>Nikolai went on stroking the mare.</p> + +<p>"I've brought a visitor with me," he said.</p> + +<p>I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather +overdid my unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet +hand, which she hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite +formal with her, and shook her hand as I repeated my greeting.</p> + +<p>"Well, of all people!" she replied.</p> + +<p>I persisted in my formal attitude.</p> + +<p>"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm +here."</p> + +<p>"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've +just got through the cleaning!"</p> + +<p>A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed +since our last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to +admire the mare, Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child +calling from within the house, and the young mother ran off.</p> + +<p>"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder.</p> + +<p>As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. +There was too much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the +windows, numerous pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the +ceiling, underneath it in the center of the room a round table and +chairs, knickknacks in a china cupboard, a pink-painted spinning +wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the room was crowded. This, no +doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had been used to and +considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had been a light +and spacious room.</p> + +<p>"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai.</p> + +<p>As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him:</p> + +<p>"She's very well."</p> + +<p>I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained.</p> + +<p>"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a +year old. He frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon +as he was on his mother's arm, he looked at me without fear.</p> + +<p>How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, +indeed, with her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had +not possessed before.</p> + +<p>"What a fine little <em>man!</em>" I said, admiring the boy.</p> + +<p>"I should think he was!" said the mother.</p> + +<hr> +<p>You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; +I can speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the +mistress of this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her +words nervously, as though it had been a long time since she last +opened her mouth. What we talked about? Well, we neither asked nor +answered questions about measuring angles or analyzing +Shakespeare's grammar.</p> + +<p>Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, +amid livestock and Saturday cleaning?</p> + +<p>Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first +toddling steps in a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with +fully adult knowledge she was lost. She had other things to think +about now, her home and her family and the farm. Of course there +wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's mother had taken half of +it with her--</p> + +<p>"Has Petra gone away?"</p> + +<p>Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay +when the young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had +come to the house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru +Ingeborg would not. She knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So +there were quarrels between the older woman and the young one.</p> + +<p>Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the +barn. It was true she was not very skillful, but she was learning +all the time, and enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked +questions; that, she saw, would have been foolish, but she worked +things out by herself, and kept her eyes open when she visited +neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say she could learn +everything. There were things she never learned properly because +she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of +the country, though they must learn them in time. But they never +learn them well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. +To set up a weave, you must have grown up with the sound of the +shuttle in your ears; to tend the cattle as they should be tended, +you must have helped your mother since childhood. You can learn +from others, but it will not be in your blood.</p> + +<p>Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The +young wife is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who +loves her in return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife +seems to him peerless in all she does. Of course she has taken +great pains; it has left its mark on her, too, and she is not gray +for nothing. A few months ago she lost a front tooth, too--broke it +on some bird shot left in the breast of a ptarmigan she was eating. +She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't recognize herself. +But what did it matter as long as Nikolai....</p> + +<p>Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the +goldsmith's at the market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; +but she would do anything in the world for him, too. Imagine using +some of the money for the horse on a brooch! Where is he now, +where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's stroking the mare +again.</p> + +<p>"Nikolai!" she called.</p> + +<p>"Yes," his reply came from the stable.</p> + +<p>She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; +perhaps a thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was +suffused with excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, +outlining its contours. She began gently to stroke her knee.</p> + +<p>"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something.</p> + +<p>"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you +imagine anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, +but.... You know he's not a year old yet. I never knew children +were such a blessing."</p> + +<p>"Well, you see they are."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly +well, and you contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. +Children? Miracles! And when you're old, they're the only +happiness--the last happiness. I shall have more; I shall have many +of them, a whole row of them, like organ pipes, each taller than +the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't lost my tooth; it +leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about it, on +Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But +I've given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've +gone on much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my +childhood, all my youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at +resorts, even as a grown woman? I needed a holiday from my school +work, a rest, and immediately turned it into sheer futility, every +day a disgrace. I could cry with regret. I should have been married +ten years ago, and had my husband all that time, and a home and +many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out of ten years of my +life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--"</p> + +<p>"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!"</p> + +<p>No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why +should I make myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough +anyhow. I was sick with fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to +show her my teeth: "Here, don't miss them, have a good look!" But +I'm afraid she saw what a fool I was making of myself; everything I +did was wrong.</p> + +<p>Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can +well afford it:</p> + +<p>"What, you old? Nonsense!"</p> + +<p>"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly.</p> + +<p>"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a +man came riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's +terribly stingy. Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because +ours is new and good. They've built a house at the end of the +valley, and take in travelers--quite a big hotel, in fact, with +the waitresses dressed in national costume. Of course Nikolai and I +both went to the wedding; Petra really looked a charming and lovely +bride. You mustn't think she and I are still unfriendly; she likes +me better now that I'm more competent, and last summer they sent +for me several times to interpret for some English people and that +sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food and +conveyance and tips in other languages!</p> + +<p>"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble +with Petra in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, +the schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to +criticize in me, so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But +when she came here, she was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it +over me, showing off all her knowledge. I was busy trying to learn +what I needed to know for the life up here, and then she came along +and made me look small, talking about the Seven Years' War all the +time. She was terribly learned about the Seven Years' War, because +that's what she had in her examination. And our way of talking +wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks +quite well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of +his has got to put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to +stay--for six months, anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had +to take a six months' holiday. The baby's with Petra, with his +grandmother, so he's well taken care of. It's a boy, too, but he's +hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. Well, in a way, of +course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up her legacy +and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she comes +home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I +asked her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. +Anyhow, her mother and I are quite reconciled.</p> + +<p>"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the +horse. Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. +But we'll manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all +the furniture in here himself, the table and china cupboard and +everything; we haven't bought a thing. He's dug up the new field +himself, too. And we'll be getting more cattle; you ought to see +what a handsome heifer we've got....</p> + +<p>"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a +lot of trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was +enough to make you sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to +knit, too; I'd got one of my neighbors to teach me, and I was +knitting stockings for myself. But of course Lady Sophie--well, she +bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she was charming. 'Get out!' +I said to her. So they left."</p> + +<p>Nikolai entered the room.</p> + +<p>"Did you want me?"</p> + +<p>"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need +something to hang things on in front of the fire, a +clotheshorse--come along--"</p> + +<p>I stayed behind, thinking:</p> + +<p>"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; +living on her nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid +resolution she shows, and how she's matured in these two years! But +it has cost her a great deal, too.</p> + +<p>"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!"</p> + +<p>At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who +had once tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How +content Fru Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! +Life had changed so much that such things were important to her; +she grew heated again when she mentioned it, and pulled at her +fingers as she had done in her schooldays. And why should she not +be content? A small triumph now had the rank of a bigger one in the +old days. Proportions were changed, but her satisfaction was no +less.</p> + +<p>Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a +steady hum. Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best +educated of them, naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! +She has extended her self-discipline even to this, for they are all +orthodox Christians in this neighborhood. Believing? No, but not +hostile, either. One reads Scripture. Rather a clever ruse, that of +the clotheshorse.</p> + +<p>She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. +Delicious broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should +be, with barley, carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has +learned this at the domestic science school. I consider all the +things she has learned, and find them numerous. Had she, perhaps, +been a little overstrung in her talk about children like organ +pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a mare's as she +spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class couples +have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the +night separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a +house of fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during +the day, when their separate labors called them, but the night +united them.</p> + +<p>Bravo, Fru Ingeborg!</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVII</h2> + +<p>Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved +across to Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really +I ought to do that....</p> + +<p>Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's +harnessed to a neat cart that he has made himself and banded with +iron. And now the lady carts manure. The tiny farm with its few +head of cattle doesn't yield too much of this precious substance, +so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws the plow, and looks as +though it were no more than the heavy train of a ball dress behind +her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and neither +has his wife.</p> + +<p>I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from +every angle. Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, +exactly as though I knew something about it. Rich, black +soil--sheer perfection.</p> + +<p>I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and +suddenly turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and +catkins and peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here.</p> + +<p>And so the days wear on.</p> + +<p>I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like +to stay here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful +and popular; I shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell +Nikolai that I must think of moving on; this will not do.... And +perhaps he will mention it....</p> + +<p>"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it +isn't the kind of place--"</p> + +<p>"God bless you, Nikolai; it <em>is</em> the kind of place, +but--well, it's spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I +should have to be very low before I gave that up. And besides, I +expect you're both pretty tired of me, at least your wife."</p> + +<p>This, too, I hoped he would mention.</p> + +<p>Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take +the knapsack out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So +perhaps Nikolai hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his +mouth. So I placed the knapsack on a chair in the middle of the +room, all packed and ready, for everyone to see that we're leaving. +And I waited for the morning of the next day, and this time the +knapsack <em>was</em> observed. No, it wasn't. So I had to wait +till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell her then, +pointing to what was in the middle of the room:</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today."</p> + +<p>"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said.</p> + +<p>"Why? Well, don't you think I should?"</p> + +<p>"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the +cows will be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have +had more milk."</p> + +<p>That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her +work.</p> + +<p>Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it +had done already on several occasions, that she had grown very like +Josephine at Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of +expression. Twelve years of school had laid no foundations in her +young mind, though it had loosened much that was firm within her. +But that did not matter, as long as she kept a firm hold now.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will +be bringing back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know +very well that I ought to go with him, because then I could catch +the mail packet next day but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay +my bill. While he is harnessing the horse, I finish packing my +bag.</p> + +<p>Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place +than I am again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are +those bells I hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They +are going to pasture for the first time this spring, so that they +shall give more milk.... Here comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. +Yes, here is the knapsack....</p> + +<p>"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses."</p> + +<p>"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I +cannot sit in the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. +I must wait till there is really something to sit on. A rock is +good enough, but you can't sit on a rock for very long in May."</p> + +<p>Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window.</p> + +<p>"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You +know those butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there +weren't any. And if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God +himself--well, He hasn't moved out yet; it's too early."</p> + +<p>Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy.</p> + +<p>We go outside together.</p> + +<p>"Nikolai, I'm not going."</p> + +<p>He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling +good-humoredly.</p> + +<p>"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as +though an idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot +iron. So I mustn't disturb myself. I'm staying."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as +you like being here...."</p> + +<p>And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare +trotting briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard +with the boy on her arm to watch the gamboling calves.</p> + +<p>And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am!</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had +accumulated in the past few weeks.</p> + +<p>"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," +said Fru Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us.</p> + +<p>"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them +unread."</p> + +<p>Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on +the letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, +a moment's miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a +moment--then she withdrew her hand and said:</p> + +<p>"Better read them."</p> + +<p>She was deeply flushed now.</p> + +<p>"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. +Then she found something to do at the stove, while she asked her +husband about his journey, about the road, whether the mare had +behaved well--which she had.</p> + +<p>A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should +not have mentioned it.</p> + +<hr> +<p>A few days later.</p> + +<p>The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the +living room is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking +out.</p> + +<p>A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I +could not see his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai +carrying something, so I went back to my table to work again.</p> + +<p>A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living +room.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her +ask in loud, hostile tones:</p> + +<p>"What do you want?"</p> + +<p>"I've come to pay you a visit."</p> + +<p>"My husband isn't in--he's in the field."</p> + +<p>"Never mind."</p> + +<p>"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!"</p> + +<p>I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was +gray--gray with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the +living room.</p> + +<p>The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was +everywhere. Our eyes met.</p> + +<p>"I think you were asked to leave?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of +half-Norwegian, half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the +farms buying up hides. Have you got any?"</p> + +<p>"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely +distracted, and suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling +on the stove: Perhaps she was on the point of flinging it at +him....</p> + +<p>At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house.</p> + +<p>He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he +took in the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him +coming to the farm? He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and +went on smiling--left his smile standing. It looked horrible; he +was quite white, and his mouth seemed to have stiffened in a +smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, a sexual colleague, a +stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he went on +smiling.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the +door. Nikolai followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped +Solem raise his burden to his back.</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale +of furs and skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it +on Solem's back, swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with +needless emphasis. Solem's knees gave way under him, and he fell on +his face. We heard a groan of pain, for the paved yard was hard as +the face of the mountain. Solem lay still for a moment, then he +rose to his feet. His face had struck the ground in falling, and +the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried to hoist his +burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He began +to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into +the woods.</p> + +<p>Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The +heavy burden hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked +bad.</p> + +<p>Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state +of collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too!</p> + +<p>Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to +talk, and by asking her questions, I force her to collect +herself.</p> + +<p>"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he +is--I could murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now +he's getting it all back, he's getting more than his own +back--you'll see. He was the first; I was all right till then, but +he was the first. Not that it meant a great deal to me; I don't +want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same to me. But +afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in its +train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me +alone; I don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, +is it?--Oh, where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to +him, do you? They'll put him in prison. Please, run after them, +stop him! He'll kill him--"</p> + +<p>"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does +he, that Solem has done anything to you?"</p> + +<p>She looked up at me then.</p> + +<p>"Are you asking on your own account?"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?--I don't understand--"</p> + +<p>"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes +you seem as though you were trying to find me out. <em>No</em>, I +<em>haven't</em> told my husband. You can think what you please +about my honesty. I've only told him part of it, just a +little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's been here once +before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I wouldn't have +in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in here!' And +I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; so +now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him +now either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe +you any explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to +tell you, please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's +anger, but of his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as +though nothing had happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for +me, because that's his nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, +too, and peasants don't take these things so seriously. But if he +did find excuses for me, he wouldn't be much good, and I don't want +him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd rather be no good myself! +Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each other, but we need all +of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we want to be human +beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our children.... But you +oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me that?"</p> + +<p>"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't +occur to him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried +about. I just wanted to reassure you."</p> + +<p>"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish +now I hadn't told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept +it to myself till I died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly +dishonest."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary."</p> + +<p>"Really? Don't you think that?"</p> + +<p>"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, +entirely true and right. And not only that--it's fine."</p> + +<p>"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again.</p> + +<p>"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the +road as good and placid as ever."</p> + +<p>"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to +find with him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to +find something, I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions +sometimes--I mean he says some words differently, but it was only +his sister that put that into my head. I must go out and meet him +now."</p> + +<p>She began to look around for something to slip over her +shoulders, but it took her a few minutes because she was still +quite shaken. Before she had found anything, Nikolai trudged into +the yard.</p> + +<p>"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have +you?"</p> + +<p>Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied:</p> + +<p>"No, I just took him over to see his son."</p> + +<p>"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked.</p> + +<p>Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, +and his wife went with him across the field.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child.</p> + +<p>How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress +Sophie Palm came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about +the bandage on his finger, the finger he never had time to get rid +of--stout fellow! They made each other's acquaintance then, and +probably met again later in the town. Solem was everywhere.</p> + +<p>The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, +but they did little to improve him. And so he met this woman who +had learned nothing but to teach....</p> + +<hr> +<p>I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand +anything any more.</p> + +<p>But something has happened to me now.</p> + +<p>At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for +wanting to keep me here is simply that they need money; my board +and rent are to pay for the mare. That's all it amounts to.</p> + +<p>I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add +without being misunderstood that the brain withers before the +heart. You can see it in all grandparents.</p> + +<p>At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," +I said, "you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such +that I began to feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for +the mare once and for all and depart; I should have been more than +pleased to do so. But I should not have succeeded. Nikolai would +have shaken his head as though it were a fairy tale. Then I began +to calculate that in fact there couldn't be much to pay for the +mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid for....</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. +She seldom sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and +she needs rest. She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, +mends, and washes. Often a lock of gray hair falls down on either +side of her face, and she is so busy that she lets it hang; it's +too short to be fastened back with a pin. But she looks charming +and motherly, with her fine skin and her well-shaped mouth; she and +the child together are sheer beauty. Of course I help to carry wood +and water, but I make more work for her just the same. When I think +of that, I grow hot about the ears.</p> + +<p>But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me +for my own sake? I should not have had all these years too many +then, and these ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at +last.</p> + +<p>In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and +this--time when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the +child, her boy, had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm +because I showed him so much that was strange. It was the child's +instinct for the peerless grandfather.</p> + +<p>At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm +to help with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with +grief, I packed. To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make +my way down to the steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange +to relieve all of us of the need for farewells and handshakes and +<em>au revoirs</em>, believe me!</p> + +<p>But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid +taking them both by the hand and thanking them for their +hospitality. That was all that was necessary. I stood in the +doorway with my knapsack already on my back, smiling a little, and +behaving splendidly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again."</p> + +<p>"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"But so suddenly?"</p> + +<p>"Didn't I tell you yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you."</p> + +<p>The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and +a coat with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. +Very well, then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a +moment, more than a few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened +and investigated, of course. Then Nikolai entered the room.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg said to me:</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here +now--but we've got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, +she could easily sleep in the loft."</p> + +<p>"But, my dear child, I must leave <em>some</em> time--I have +work to do, too, you know."</p> + +<p>"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up.</p> + +<p>Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked +him and refused.</p> + +<p>They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy +sitting on his mother's arm.</p> + +<p>At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, +of course, not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no +longer anyone there.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVIII</h2> + +<p>I have written this story for you.</p> + +<p>Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom +before every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all +written the same way. I had even the intention of writing in +dialect, so as to be truly Norwegian; but when I saw you understood +the country's language also, I gave up writing in dialect because, +for one thing, it is becoming obsolete.</p> + +<p>But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single +framework? My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations +was written during a plague, <em>because</em> of a plague--this is +my answer. And, my friend, when you have lived for a long time away +from the human beings you know inside and out, then you indulge +once more in the iniquity of speech; your powers have been so +little used that your head is filled with a thousand sermons. This +is my defense.</p> + +<p>If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my +outspoken passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, +you will lick your chops. But to others you will shake your head +and say: "Think of his writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar +soul, retire into solitude and try to understand that episode! It +has cost me much to surrender it to you.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my +irons? Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of +one who is half a century old--he has no other kind. But the +distinction between myself and my brother travelers is that I +freely admit: I have none but these. They were planned so big and +so red; yet they are small irons, and they hardly glow. This is the +truth. They congregate with the painstaking works of others round +the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth even +though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the +modern spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn.</p> + +<p>One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in +"cultured company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart +heart with a "lady." I have written about human beings. But within +the speech that is spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins +under the skin, like a story within a story. I have followed the +septuagenarian of literature step by step, and reported the +progress of his disintegration. I should have written this +description long ago, but I had not years enough; only now am I +entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done it +while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am +being accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you +will say, "chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame +enough for the last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall +be dead. And you? May you live long; you deserve it. May you almost +survive me--in the flesh.</p> + +<p>I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and +colorless." Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers +of a new renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is +too late now. Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire +to do more, mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant +with the feet of clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, +small friend, look about you: there has appeared, within even your +field of vision, a figure here and a figure there, a shining crest, +lavish with its bounty, geniuses beneath the open sky--you and I +should bid them welcome. I walk in the evening of life and, +trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth with jeweled +eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you begrudge +them fame. Because you are nobody.</p> + +<p>To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this +during a plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; +no, it is unassailable now, it flourishes under national +protection, tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. +Meanwhile I do what I can to fight it; you do the reverse.</p> + +<p>Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why +my voice is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A +worse thing would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any +danger of that? No, my friend, not for you; you will live till you +die, be assured.</p> + +<p>Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You +refused to be convinced of the truth and integrity of my +conclusions; but I shall yet force you to recognize that I am close +to the truth. Not until then shall I make allowance for the fool in +you.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + + <a class="footnote" name="fn1"></a>[<a href="#fn">1</a>] Mrs. +(Translator's note.) + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +***** This file should be named 8445-h.htm or 8445-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/4/4/8445/ + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Posting Date: September 8, 2014 [EBook #8445] +Release Date: July, 2005 +First Posted: July 11, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + +KNUT HAMSUN + +Translated from the Norwegian +By PAULA WIKING + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + + + + +I + + +I have gone to the forest. + +Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about men's evil +ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must go to it. That is +all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a vagabond. I have money +enough and am overfed, stupefied with success and good fortune, if you +understand that. I have left the world as a sultan leaves rich food and +harems and flowers, and clothes himself in a hair shirt. + +Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean to roam +and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt would have +spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved their praise, and +they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went into the forest. For then +did I comprehend the truth, that my speech must needs be dishonest or +foolish.... But I said nothing of the kind; I simply went to the forest. + + * * * * * + +You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The snowflakes drift +down just as they do in the city, and the birds and beasts scurry about +from morning till night, and from night till morning. I could send solemn +stories from this place, but I do not. I have sought the forest for +solitude and for the sake of my great irons; for I have great irons which +lie within me and grow red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose +I were to meet a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself: + +"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!" + +But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a comforting +lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast. + +You say nothing happens here? + +One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they behaved as +people do. "_Boris!_" they said to each other and smiled. But +immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow and were gone from +my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, I thought, "You'd better +see to them; they may be smothered in the snow." But then they got up and +went their separate ways. + +In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting as that. + + * * * * * + +Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must crawl on +my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago and used it, for +lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in hiding, a man who concealed +himself here for a few autumn days. There are two of us in the hut, that +is if you regard Madame as a person; otherwise there is only one. Madame +is a mouse I live with, to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats +everything I put aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she +sits watching me. + +When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which Madame by all +means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh pine twigs, as is +fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary crockery. And I have a +sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool inside. I keep a fire burning in +the fireplace all night, and my shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh +resin in the morning. When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with +clean snow, and hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water. + +Is this a life worth living? + +There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not understand. +Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished it with vanities, +with pictures and books; but you have a wife and a servant and a hundred +expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep pace with the world and are never +at peace. I have peace. You are welcome to your intellectual pastimes and +books and art and newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky +that only makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask +me intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, for +example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly men are mere +specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser than I. But if you +should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, then I know quite as much +in this matter, too, and reply thus: Eternity is merely unborn time, +nothing but unborn time. + +My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my pocket and +reflect the sun on your face, my friend. + +You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are weary, +exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as you go out into +the street; the morning has dawned too early on your blinking eyes. I rise +at five quite refreshed. It is still dark outdoors, yet there is enough to +look at--the moon, the stars, the clouds, and the weather portents for the +day. I prophesy the weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds +whistle? Is the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and +long? These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more. + +Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, the stars +fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow flies over the +woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut or she will be +devoured. + +But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great rocks +take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from another +world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn up looks like a +witch petrified in the act of performing strange rites. + +Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a solitary +reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it high in a tree +to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the tracks of the reindeer +into the forest. It has jogged along without haste, but toward a definite +goal--straight east to meet the day. By the banks of the Skiel, which is +so rapid that its waters never freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, +to scrape the hillside for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on. + +And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are short; at +two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep twilight, with the good, +still night approaching. Then I begin to cook. I have a great deal of meat +stored in three pure-white drifts of snow. In fact I have something even +better: eight fat cheeses of reindeer milk, to eat with butter and +crisp-bread. + +While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I fall +asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, the food is +cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and resin. Madame darts back +and forth across the floor and at length gets her share. I eat, and light +my cutty-pipe. + +The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no unpleasantness. +In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only adult, roaming man; +this makes me bigger and more important, God's kin. And I believe the +red-hot irons within me are progressing well, for God does great things +for his kin. + +I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by the +river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the trees it has +nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, leaving their marks; +there an osier bed has forced it to turn aside; but just beyond, it has +straightened its path and continued east once more. All this I think of. + +And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with another +newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age insurance? + + + + +II + + +On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my time. Perhaps +I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling him I am well, and +hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot post the letters, and they +grow older every day. Not that it matters. I have tied the letters to a +string that hangs from the ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them. + + +One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; his +clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a laboring man. He +carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in it. + +"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the woods." + +"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His manner was +at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the sack without +humility. + +"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a man." + +"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving soon?" + +"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn. + +Then he looked at me. + +"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. "But I don't +intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I leave." + +I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my speech. + +But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his assurance. +Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him than he knew about +me. + +When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said: + +"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your floor." + +Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing his sack +with him, crawled in. + +"I could give you some coffee," I said. + +"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his face and +panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all night." + +"Are you crossing the fjeld?" + +"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a winter day on +the other side, either." + +I gave him coffee. + +"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A round of +crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me." + +"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help yourself." + +"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the man as he +ate. + +"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. "I'll pay +you for it." + +"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid that's +impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's work in +Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't." + +"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now there +without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a few +coppers." + +I felt his sack and said: + +"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?" + +"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the sack +closer to him. + +"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, jesting again. + +"I don't care what you are," he muttered. + +The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to the +woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. He was a +very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my fire, with +dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; probably he had +stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that he was quick in much +small knowledge that life had taught him. He complained that his heels +felt cold, and took off his boots. And no wonder he felt cold, for where +the heels of his stockings should have been there were only great holes. +He borrowed a knife to cut away the ragged edges, and then drew on the +stockings again back to front, so that the torn soles came over his +instep. When he had put on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice +and warm." + +He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their hooks to +inspect them, he put them back again where he had found them. When he +examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the addresses, he did not let +them go carelessly, leaving them to swing back and forth, but held the +string so that it hung motionless. I had no reason to complain about him. + +He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he said: + +"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?" + +He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move Madame's straw +to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay on our twigs, burning +resin and talking. + +He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though to +postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he went to +the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, turning his head +back, he asked: + +"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?" + +"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it looks like +snow; the smoke is blowing down." + +It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had better leave +that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay there, I stretched, +so that my hand accidentally touched his sack again. + +"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my grasp. "Don't +you touch that sack, or I'll show you!" + +I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention of stealing +anything from him. + +"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you go +thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the man, and +began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three pairs of new +mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag of barley, a side of +bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few large lumps of sugar candy. In +the bottom of the bag was perhaps half a bushel of coffee beans. + +No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception of a heap +of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen elsewhere. + +"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said. + +"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," the man +replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and walking, don't +I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to listen to you!" + +Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each article in +its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco round the bacon, +to protect the cloth from grease stains. + +"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. "I'll +let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way." + +"How much do you want for it?" I asked. + +"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he said to +himself as he spread it out. + +I said to the man: + +"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and the world +and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. Tell me something: +are you afraid your footprints will be visible tomorrow if there's fresh +snow tonight?" + +"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know many paths," +he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few crowns." + +I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and put it back +in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him. + +"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces won't be so +large, and I'll be able to sell it." + +"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I said, "and +cut up the rest for trousers." + +"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right." + +We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's suit, and took +down the string from which the letters hung to measure our own clothes, so +as to be sure to get the measurements right. Then we cut into the edge of +the cloth, and tore it across. In addition to one complete suit, there was +enough left for two good-sized pairs of trousers. + +Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, and I bought +some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the money away in a leather +purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, and the circumstantial and +poverty-stricken fashion in which he put the money away, afterward feeling +the outside of his pocket. + +"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't need any +more than that." + +"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain." + +It was quite decent of him. + +While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine needles +out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little theft. Stealing +because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length of cloth which he was +trying to sell in the forest! Theft has indeed ceased to be a matter of +great moment. This is because legal punishment for misdemeanors of all +kinds has also ceased to be of great moment. It is only a dull, human +punishment; the religious element has been removed from the law, and a +local magistrate is no longer a man of mystic power. + +I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the meaning of the +oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to the bone to hear him. +We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth Book of Moses, and the sin +against the Holy Ghost, and signing your name in the blood of a newly +baptized child! Steal a sack of money and silver treasure, if you like, +and hide the sack in the hills where on autumn evenings a blue flame will +hover over the spot. But don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and +a side of household bacon! + +The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he crawled +out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco I had bought I +put back into the sack, for I did not need them. When he returned, he +said: + +"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if you don't +mind." + +In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to contribute any +of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him some dry bread to eat +with it. + +"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said. + +Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon well down so +that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this he took off his +leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop to carry over one +shoulder. + +"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, I'll find it +easier to carry," he said. + +I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and he stowed +them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket afterward; I also +gave him a special envelope in which to keep the money for the stamps, and +tied it to the neck of the sack. + +"Where do you live?" I asked him. + +"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm sorry to say +I have a wife and children--no use denying it." + +"How many children have you?" + +"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's something wrong +with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. My wife's ill, and a few +days ago she thought she was dying and wanted Communion." + +A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was telling me +a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the village, no +Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with such a large and sick +family. This, no doubt, was his meaning. + +Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse! + +I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a ballad or +a song, since we had nothing else to do. + +"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a hymn." + +"All right; sing a hymn, then." + +"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--" + +His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and went out. + +"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. "This +is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall come within my +walls again." + +I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no more truck +with men. + +"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, Madame, I +undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!" + +Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack. + +"I thought you'd gone," I said. + +"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, and I say +good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. You shouldn't +sneer at me, you know." + +"What have you done with the sack?" + +"I've carried it part of the way." + +His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a burden on +one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies about his poverty, I +said: + +"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, for that +matter?" + +"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a barrel +easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the floor last +Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?" + +We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a moment he had +chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and splendid; I could see his +jaw working. + +"It's nothing," I said. + +Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was gone for +a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he said: + +"It's nothing." + +We lay down for the night. + +"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. I fell +asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during the night +restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with you!" I heard him +mutter as he crawled out of the hut. + +In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a lively +fire of crackling pine in the hut. + +Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow. + + + + +III + + +There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully with +oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe, and to +think idly and slowly as one does it. + +There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm crushing +the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my sleeping bag well in +the snow and get the wool white again. There is nothing in this of +literature or great novels or public opinion; does it matter? But then I +haven't been toiling just to get this coffee into my life. Literature? +When Rome ruled the world, she was no more than Greece's apprentice in +literature. Yet Rome ruled the world. Let us look too at another country +we know: it fought a war of independence the glory of which still shines, +and it brought forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it +had no literature, and has none today.... + +Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the moss and +the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The stump of a fir +tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my familiarity with it grow, and +sometimes I stand there loving it, for there is something in it that moves +my soul. The bark is badly broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree +must have been crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put +myself in its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the mastodons. + +No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there are many +amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a fir. Yet in your +heart, you know that I am superior to you in this as in everything else, +with the single exception that I have not your conventional +accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. About the forest and the +earth you can teach me nothing, for here I feel what no man else has felt. + +Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly this may +happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose myself outside my +very door, like the children of the city. I am twelve miles out, far up +the opposite bank of the Skjel River, before I begin to get lost, and then +only on a sunless day, with perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no +north or south in the sky. Then you must know the special marks of this +kind of tree and that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous +trees, the moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those that +are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the leaves. From all +these things while there is daylight I can find my way. + +But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to get home +till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to myself. And I +roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is a crag standing with +its back to the wind. Here I collect a few armfuls of pine needles, button +my jacket tight, and take a long time to settle. No one who has not tried +it knows anything of the fine pleasure that streams through the soul as +one sits in a snug shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the +time, but the tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I +put some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. The +snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to find a +shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in over me and +form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am quite safe, and may +sleep or wake as I please; there will be no danger of freezing my feet. + + * * * * * + +Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of them called +to me: + +"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?" + +I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question was too +stupid. + +"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I _seen_ a +man go by?" + +So much for him! + +"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you in the +name of the law." + +"Oh." + +I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my hut. + +The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said: + +"Did you _see_ a man pass by here yesterday?" + +"No," I said. + +They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they left the +hut and returned to the village. + +I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of his duties, +how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses for the capture and +transport of the criminal; there will be honor in having carried out the +deed. All mankind should adopt this man because he is its son, created in +its image! Where are the irons? He would rattle the links a little and +lift them on his arm like the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his +terrifying power to put people in irons ... I feel nothing. + +And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They instantly +miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the police. + +From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies still too +near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the frost has gone +out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I have chosen a spot in +the forest which I think I shall like. It is twenty-four miles from the +village and eighteen across the fjeld. + + + + +IV + + +Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some days in +succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying good morning +and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man I imagined beside +me, we carried on a long, intelligent conversation, but if it was a woman, +I was polite: "Let me carry your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the +Lapp's daughter I seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and +offered to carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her +skin; tut, tut. + +Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will not build +that peat hut still further away from them. + +The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in the winter I +suffered privation and learned much in order to master myself. It has +taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it cannot be denied that I am +paying for my education rather dearly. Sometimes I have been needlessly +stern with myself. + +"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it doesn't +interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for twelve hours, it +will mean something to you," I said, and hid the bread away. + +That was in the winter. + +Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great that I could +do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of the forest. But even +in the heart of the forest no man dares speak aloud without looking round; +rather, he walks in silence. For a time you console yourself that it's +typically English to be silent, it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you +find this has gone too far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and +suddenly to shout nonsense. + +"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!" + +Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a quarter of a +mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a slap. If only you had +kept your regal silence! One day the postman who crosses the fjeld once a +month came on me just as I had shouted. + +"What?" he called from the wood. + +"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a trap." + +But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the spring that +causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no longer fear a shout +more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and pans as I cook, and I sing +at the top of my voice. It is spring. + +Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry woods. +They have a different expression now; they have gone gray and bedraggled, +and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and diminished it. There are +catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the underbrush, looking like letters +of the alphabet piled in a heap. The moon rises, the stars break forth. I +am cold and shiver a little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and +prefer to shiver as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so +foolish, but went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is +the spring. + +The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. There is a +great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, teeming worlds, so +tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling bell; as I look at them, I +can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, certainly I am being drawn more and +more toward the grassy slopes of spring. + + + + +V + + +I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my back, and +leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame." + +That was the end. + +I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of sadness--as I +always do on leaving a place that has been my home for some time. But all +the world stands outside calling to me. Indeed I am like all lovers of the +woods and fields; wordlessly we had agreed to meet, and as I sat there +last night, I felt my eyes being drawn to the door. + +Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up from the +chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave back. + +The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue haze over the +forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful piratical coast in the +sky before me. The mountains are all on my left. + +After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I press on +swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" as it swishes; +whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give myself food. + +No, you have not my pleasures in the town. + +I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of living, and +nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my back had no weight, +taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself a little; but an +overexertion to which one is driven by inner content is easy to bear. In +my solitude, many miles from men and houses, I am in a childishly happy +and carefree state of mind, which you are incapable of understanding +unless someone explains it to you. I play a little game with myself, +pretending to have discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay +little attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and gaze. + + +"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--" + +I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod sagely, +saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. And I take out +my notebook and describe it. + +Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. Children have +done it before me. And here comes no postman to surprise me. As suddenly +as I have begun the game, I end it again, as children do. But for a moment +I was transported back to the dear, foolish bliss of childhood. + +Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that made me +playful and happy! + +Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I reach the +Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but kindness, a Lapp +hut contains little that is interesting. There are spoons and knives of +bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin lamp hangs from the roof. The +Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who can neither tell fortunes nor +conjure. His daughter has gone across the field; she has learned to read, +but not to write, at the village school. The two old people, husband and +wife, are fools. The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I +ask them a question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I +am not a Lapp, and so they distrust me. + +All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a while. In +the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a few degrees of +frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and silent above the earth. + +Heigh-ho--what untuned strings! + + But where are the birds all gone away, + and what kind of place is this? + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs, + in this world that is dead, no event occurs; + I stand in a silvermine. + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss + a homely, well-known outline. + + And so he came to a silver wood-- + thus ran an ancient tale. + Here rests a song of shimmering fire + as though it were sung by a starry choir. + And swift in my youth, I leap + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male, + and awaken a maid from her sleep. + + Today I smile at childish tales, + old age has made me wise. + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod, + now by age my foot is heavily shod; + yet my heart--my heart would fly. + I am driven by fire and bound by ice, + no rest nor repose have I. + + A shuddering chill falls on the night, + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold. + There passed a great gust through the silver lace + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace + on paws that are soundless and still. + It may be a god on his evening stroll. + The roots of the forest thrill. + +When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, and sat +eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, conceived in a +snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. "_Boris_!" they said and +fell on their noses. + +She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop in the +village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she pushed the cups +and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday jacket with pretty +strips of the cloth. All the while she never spoke a word, because a +stranger was in the room. + +"You know me, Olga, don't you?" + +"Mm." + +"But you look so angry." + +"M-no." + +"How's the snow track across the fjeld?" + +"All right." + +I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, and asked: + +"How far is it to your old hut?" + +"Not far," said Olga. + +Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not smile at +me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her vanity and sewing +wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no doubt, she will wear it to +church and meet the man whose eyes it is meant to gladden. + +I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, these human +grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon and the moon was +bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a further supply of reindeer +cheese and whatever other food I could get, I left the hut. But what a +surprise: the bright moonlight was gone, and the sky was overcast; there +was no frost, only mild weather and wet woods. It was spring. + +When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why should I +listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into the woods to +direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, her feathers ruffled +like a hen's. + + + + +VI + + +It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I found myself +high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the path. What is that dark +shape there? A mountain peak. And that over there? Another peak. Let us +pitch camp on the spot, then. + +There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. I sat in +the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and many +experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it is, too, to +have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the open! + +During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me under my +crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, that a sound +still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or sung in my sleep. +Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to look about me. It was +dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky was paler than the ring of +mountains round me; I lay in the center of a city of peaks, at the foot of +a great cliff, huge to the point of deformity. The wind began to blow, and +suddenly there was a booming in the distance. Then came a streak of +lightning, and immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic +avalanche between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran through +me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt before, and I gave +it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and humorous abandon. Many a +thought ran through my mind, witticisms alternating with moments of such +great sorrow that I lay sighing deeply. The lightning and thunder came +closer, and it began to rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were +overpowering; all nature was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to +conquer the night by shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of +my strength and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are +sheer incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? But I +nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. Perhaps after all +they are only stuffed mountains. + +More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as though the +near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred times through me. +Never mind. I have read about many battles and been in a rain of bullets +before this. Yet in a moment of sadness and humility in the presence of +the powers about me, I weep and think: + +"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing already?" + +And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives. + +A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped over my +very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the sleeping bag +and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was lightning and more +thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not listened to Olga's advice and +remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps whose magic powers are doing this? +The Lapps? Those human mites, those mountain dwarfs! What is all this +noise to me? I made a feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, +for I was among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with +the thunder. + +I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand shouting +and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him with milk-blue +eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a mountain would be so hard. +But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; did you think I should waste my +good brain chasing such rainbows? You lie. Here I lean against the whole +world, and you, perhaps, believe the blue of my eyes.... + +At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it happened to +me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of my jacket. The +lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to the ground. I felt a +sensation of heat, and saw that the ground farther down the mountain was +struck a loud blow and then split. A great oppression held me down; a +spear of darkness shot through me. And then it thundered beyond all +measure, not long and rumbling, but firm and clear and rattling. + +The storm passed on. + + + + +VII + + +Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, struck by +lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, as after a +punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck made me +overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting the ground, and I +avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I was not even out of +temper when I had to retrace my steps across the fjeld to find my way +again to the hut. I had time; there was no hurry. I was the first tourist +of the spring season, and far too early. + +So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at night +verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had become a real +poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes had taken place +within me since the winter, when I had desired nothing but to lie blinking +my eyes and be left in peace. + +One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut and walked +about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been thinking of writing +some children's verses, addressed to a certain little girl, but nothing +had come of it. Now as I walked on the mountainside, I felt again a desire +for this pastime, and worked at it on several occasions, but could not get +it into shape. The night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time +when such things come to one. + +So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good store of +food. There were many people in this district, and it did me good to hear +human speech and laughter again; but there was no place here where I could +stay, and in any case I had come too early. I had much to carry on my way +home to my hut again. About halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a +vagabond, whose name was Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son +of a telegraph operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation +before. + +That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass with my +burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, "I shouldn't +have run over you in any case, ha, ha!" + +He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I told him +it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned away. I thought +that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he carried nothing that +looked like provisions, I offered him some of mine in order to make him +talk a little. He thanked me and accepted. + +He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in his +twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the swaggering +fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping from under the peak +of his cap; but he wore no beard. This full-grown man still shaved without +growing tired of doing so, and this, together with his fringe of hair and +his general manner, gave me the impression that he wished to seem younger +than he was. + +We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful mood, and +since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a laughing iron +mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was only one thing: I had +been silent for so long that I talked now perhaps too readily; and if it +happened that both this boy Solem and I spoke at once, he would stop +immediately to let me have my say. When this had happened several times, I +grew tired of winning, and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and +say: "Go ahead." + +I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange trees, and +writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a hut, but that today I +had finished my stock of provisions and had had to go to the village. When +he heard about the hut, he stopped chewing, and sat as though he were +listening; then he said hastily: "Yes, in a way I know these telegraph +poles across the mountains very well. Not these particular poles, but +others. I was a linesman till not long ago." + +"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I added. + +He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to put him in +the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and rested, and found +my crisp-bread there. + +"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he said. + +We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, nor did he +dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to such an extent that I +valued his good behavior. + +He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude for the +food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the stranger +returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a note on the +table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an extremely ill-mannered +epistle, full of obscene expressions. When Solem saw what I was reading, +his iron face broke into a smile. I pretended not to understand the note +and threw it back on the table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds. + +"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of doing that +sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here." + +Soon after this he went out. + +He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying me by +washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other ways. There +was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the Lapps lived +there--which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but Solem stopped the +cracks with bacon fat and boiled my clothes in it. It was very funny to +watch him imperturbably skimming off the fat that floated up. + +He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions again, and +then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I was going the other +way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the great peaks of the Tore, +where summer visitors stayed and many travelers passed, he wanted to go +there, too. He was a bird of passage. + +"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm used to farm +work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there." + + + + +VIII + + +The bustle of spring season had already started at the great farm; men and +animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing the whole day long, and +the goats had long since been let out to pasture. + +It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had cleared +an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart from that, all +the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new houses had been built +here as the traffic over the fjelds increased, and gargoyles, homelike and +Norwegian, sat on the gable ends, while the sound of a piano came from the +living-room. Do you know the place? You have been here, and the people of +the farm have asked after you. + +Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from solitude. I +speak to the young people who own the homestead now, and to the husband's +old father and young sister Josephine. The old man leaves his room to look +at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps ninety; his eyes are worn and +half-crazed, and his figure has shrunk to nothing. He toils with both +hands to drag himself into the day, and each time it is as though he left +his mother's womb anew and found a world before him: + +"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as he gazes +at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at them, too, and +thinks: + +"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a doorway...." + +And he stands still a long time staring at it. + +But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and plays the +piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the garden, her feet are +like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is to the visitors! Surely she +has seen us coming a long way off, Solem and myself, and sat down to play +the piano. She has gray, pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm +an old observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion. + +It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. But she is +only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. Ordinarily she has +no time for such work, for she is too busy at her indoor tasks, waiting at +table and watering the flowers and chatting with me about who climbed the +Tore Peak last summer, and who did it the summer before that. These are +Josephine's tasks. + +Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while watching Solem, +who has been put to carting manure, then drift on down through the wood to +the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, barns with room for two cows +and a couple of goats in each, half-naked children playing homemade games +outside the barns, quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places +cart manure on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on +the ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the houses, +but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know the life of +labor, and well do I like it. + +It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads were tiny +but the fences surrounding the land included a good section of forest. +When the ground was cleared all the way to the fence, this would be a farm +with five cows and a horse. Good luck! + +The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting away, +green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break out in the +woods. My original intention to make great irons hot within me is +unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I must be an incredible +fool. I do not even know with any certainty if there are irons in me +still, or whether I can shape them if there are. Since the winter, life +has made me lonely and small; I idle and loiter here, remembering that +once things were different. Now that I have reached daylight and men +again, I begin to understand all this. I was a different person once. The +wave has its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had +I. Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me. + +What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to mourn. Life +is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At times I have had gold +and silver and copper and iron and other small metals; it was a great +delight to live in the world, much greater than an endless life away from +the world; but pleasure cannot last. I know of no one who has not been +through the same thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they +have declined! But they themselves have said: + +"See how everything is better!" + +At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a vegetating +existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And the irons were no +longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by heaven, how stubbornly +Simplicity insisted the irons were there, insisted that they were red. + +"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!" + +As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another twenty years +from one who has already begun to perish! I have no use for such a way of +thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with your cheerful mediocrity and +school education. A one-armed man can still walk; a one-legged man can lie +down. Has the forest taught you nothing, then? What have I learned in the +forest? _That young trees grow there_. + +In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, barbarously +scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by stupidity and +degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know nothing more +despicable than your school education and your school-education standards. +Whether you have a catechism or a compass by which to guide your life is +all the same; come here, my friend, and I will give you a compass made of +my latest iron. + + + + +IX + + +A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master of the +house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for Solem, why, he, +too, went with him so that he might know the way for later tourists. We +found the fat, short, and thin-haired stranger standing in the yard, an +elderly, well-to-do man who walked for the sake of his health and the last +twenty years of his life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze +beneath her skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and +its earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he brought +out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, young-girl's +fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was given two crowns for +acting as guide, and that was good pay. All went so well that the master +himself was content. + +"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us in peace," +he added. + +By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he and his +household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor road would be +opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a question whether the +tourist traffic might not be deflected there. His wife and Josephine were +a little afraid it would be; but he himself had held as long as possible +to the opinion that all their regular visitors who had come again year +after year would remain faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars +they might have in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore +range anywhere but here. + +The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he had much +timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built into new cottages, +with six new guestrooms, a great hall with reindeer horns and log chairs, +and a bathroom. But what was the matter with him today; was he beginning +to doubt? "If only they would leave us in peace," he said. + +A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a cottage to +herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and fashionable, this +Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. She was a charming lady, +and her little daughters were well-grown, handsome children. They curtsied +to me, making me feel, I don't know why, as though they were giving me +flowers. A strange feeling. + +Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for the +summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would stay a week. +Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen and Palm, and still +later Associate Schoolmaster Hoey and several others--tradesmen, telephone +operators, a few people from Bergen, one or two Danes. There were many of +us at table now, and the talk was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was +asked if he wanted more soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no +more!" and then rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct +thing to say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient guests +there were few or none at all, and it was really on these that the house +would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single meals, on cups of coffee. +Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, and her young fingers grew more +greedy as they counted silver coins. + +Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of the guests +were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others praised both the +food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress Torsen wanted to leave. +She was tall and handsome and wore a red hat on her dark hair; but there +were no suitable young men here, and in the long run it was a bore to +waste her holidays so completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both +Africa and America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing. + +"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us. + +"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered. + +They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to the woods +together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt did not amount +to much either; he was short and freckled, and talked of nothing but money +and trade. Besides, he had only a small shop in the town, and dealt in +tobacco and fruit. No, he did not amount to much. + +One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss Torsen. She +was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and reserved, but sometimes +talkative, lively, and perhaps a little inconsiderate, too. We sat in the +living room, with people coming and going continually, but she did not let +that disturb her, and talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she +sometimes clasped her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we +had been sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said: + +"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?" + +She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she turned away +and went on talking, looking very proud and determined as she did so. No +doubt she had many good qualities; she was twenty-seven, she said, and +sick and tired of a teacher's life. + +But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first place? + +"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The girls next +door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to study languages, +as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded so fine. We were going to +be independent and earn a lot of money. That's what I thought! Have a +home, however small, that was quite my own. How we slogged away all +through school! Some of the girls had money, but those of us who were poor +couldn't dress like them, and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And +so we came to avoid all work at home for the sake of our hands. + +"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them such fine +gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, of course, but +he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave us banknotes--me, +anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was Flaten; his father was a +merchant. Of course, he being so handsome and dashing, we wanted to be +nice to him too. I should have done anything he asked; I used to pray to +God for him. + +"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and pretty. That +was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and mending fell to the +lot of my mother and sisters; we students wouldn't do anything but sit +round being very learned and getting seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as +I don't mind admitting. It was in the course of those years that we +acquired all the distorted ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew +dull with school wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy +about our sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on +our examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the family. + +"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at forty +_kroner_ a month. Because now there was no longer anything in the +least extraordinary about us students--we were no rarity, there were +hundreds of us--forty _kroner_ was the most they gave us. Thirty went +to Father and Mother for our keep, and ten for ourselves. It wasn't +enough. We had to have pretty clothes for the office, and we were young, +we liked to walk out; but everything was too dear for us, we went into +debt, and some of us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow +school life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before any +experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and with such +antecedents, of course, there was first-rate mismanagement in the home; +others disappeared to America. But probably all of them are still boasting +their languages and their examinations. It's all they have left--not +happiness or health or innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!" + +"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good salaries?" + +"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over again. As +though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't sacrificed enough +for our sakes already! There was cramming again for long periods, and then +we began life in the schoolroom--to give to others the same unnatural +upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, yes, ours was a noble vocation; it +was almost like being missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like +to talk about something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please." + +Tradesman Batt opened the door and said: + +"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now." + +"Oh, leave me alone," she replied. + +Tradesman Batt withdrew. + +"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked. + +"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of the +window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such liberties." + +How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed! + +Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that Miss Torsen +had recently lost her post at the school, where indulgence had been +exercised for a long time toward her eccentric methods of teaching. + +So that was it. + +But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true. + + + + +X + + +The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here owes a huge +debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, valuable plots of +land to his cotters. I am finding out many things now. Mrs. Brede with the +handsome, well-modeled head knows something about everything, for her many +summers at the farm have given her knowledge. When she talks about +conditions here, she need not grope for words. + +The master has taken a large mortgage. + +No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new buildings and +flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the red-painted well house--all +give an impression of great prosperity. The rooms, too, make a good +impression. I shall not speak of the piano, but here are pictures on the +walls and photographs of the farm seen from all angles; good newspapers +are kept and there is a selection of novels on the tables; though guests +sometimes take books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a +thing like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the background. In +short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is a fortune here. And +why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort for tourists and +pensioners? + +Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its interior and +exterior furnishings costs more than the business is worth. Manufacturer +Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is why Mrs. Brede comes here +every year with her children, to get their dividends in board and lodging. + + +No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own house. + +"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. "Travelers stopped +here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it cost nothing to run the +place then. But the tourist traffic has forced him to make improvements +and enlargements. You have to keep pace with development, and be as good +as other such places in the country; they're all competing. And probably +the master here is not the right man to carry on such an irregular and +capricious business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets +the farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the farm +from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end with the +cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, Paul's." + +"How can the cotters get power to do that?" + +"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest with three +or four goats each, first one of them, then the other one, working down in +the village and coming home with food and money, and all the time clearing +their own ground. The goats grew more numerous, a cow was added, they +bought more virgin land, and they acquired still more livestock. They +sowed grain and planted potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner +here buys root vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with +such things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says it's not +worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring enough men to run +the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the spring season that the +tourists start coming, and then the men are constantly being interrupted +in their work on the farm to pilot tourists across the fjeld, or to do +this or that for the guests. And this goes on all through the short summer +months; for several years, they haven't even found the time to spread all +their manure. But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists +are all rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my husband +says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's outlying +fields." + +On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told me with a +shake of the head that she herself knew very little about it, and had all +her information from her husband. The fact was that every time these +cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from Paul, her husband had to +give his consent. This was because of the mortgage, and this, too, was how +they had learned of these matters. Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of +fact, was most anxious to be released from his undertaking, but this was +by no means easy. It was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the +new automobile route. + +Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with her little +girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. One day, for +example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs broken, and all the +guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and bandages for the wound; but +Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she was, experienced, wise, and a little +surprised at all the excitement. + +"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter it." + +The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two little girls +were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in important business, for +he spent a large part of the year in Iceland, and traveled a good deal +elsewhere as well. This, too, the lady bore quietly. And yet she was still +young and handsome, a little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a +lovely, unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark. + +But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One evening +when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do her a service, I +saw that her face was strange and covered with blushes. Would Solem come +to her room and repair a window-blind that had fallen down? It was late in +the evening, and the lady seemed to have been in bed already, and to have +risen again. Solem did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, +and clung for a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come.... + +What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was! + +Mrs. Brede departed. + +But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her mind. +Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position herself. + + + + +XI + + +An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across the +fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this year? +Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would "do" the +mountain peaks of Norway--where were they? + +At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were middle-aged, unshaven +and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or something of that sort, but +quite as speechless and uncivil as the grandest of the traveling British +clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them +was any different from what we had grown to expect; these two traveled +brainlessly and solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a +purpose, behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him a +fifty-_oere_ bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he told me +afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but nothing came of +that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown spoiled and insolent +from all his idling with tourists. + +_"Mehr,_ more," said he. + +No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and struck his +hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, and one +_krone_ made its appearance. But on Solem's taking the noble lord by +the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two _kroner_ were at +last forthcoming. + +At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, huntsmen, +fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a tremendous commotion +at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent double under all the orders he +received, and Josephine ran, flew at every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up +her sitting room to three English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded +together as close as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep +my bed because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it matter for a +night!" + +Then I went out. + +If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a resort in +the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is the meaning of +all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the animals not at rest? +The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs has got in. Or--_have_ +some of the visiting dogs got in? Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and +circles; nothing is new, all returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. +The Romans ruled the world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so +invincible, that they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could +afford to live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and +animals. Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only sat--sat +and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less rulers of the +world than the Romans. + +They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' shed; I was +merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to accept the ways of +the mighty tourists. But they themselves belonged to that nation of +gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one day the wholesome Gothic soul will +castigate to death.... + +The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs began to +bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and doors began to +bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, these travelers; they +were running to catch the doctor. They had breakfast in two sessions, but +though the household was bent double before them and gave of its best, +they were not satisfied. "If we had only known a little earlier," said +Paul. But they muttered that we should just wait; there were motor cars in +other places. Then Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who +lived under the Tore peaks: + +"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? And I'm +planning to get a telephone...." + +The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and departed, +accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying trunks. + +Peace descended on us again. + +Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting plants round +the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table in a very learned +fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out their peculiarities. +Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at school. + +"Here you see an _Artemis cotula_," he said. + +Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the name and +said: + +"Yes, take plenty of it with you." + +"What for?" + +"It's insect powder." + +Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good deal of +discussion in which Associate Master Hoey had to take a hand. + +No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could classify plants +and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. The peasant children in +his neighborhood were ignorant of these classes and names, and he could +teach them. He enjoyed that so much. + +But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut down one +year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him religious and +silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches of trees, and the +grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great heaven of all the +universe--were these his friends? + +_Artemis cotula_.... + + + + +XII + + +When I get tired of Associate Master Hoey and the ladies.... Sometimes I +think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the Associate Master gravely +keeps her company; they talk about the servants at home whose only desire +is to stay out all night. Mrs. Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but +probably she has at one time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as +though they were cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few +years ago, her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth +seemed to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was in +Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. And here +is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is it only for her +health, or are she and the Associate Master possibly children of the same +provincial town? + +When I get tired of Associate Master Hoey and the ladies, I leave them and +go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows where I keep +myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be different from the +Associate Master, who is very far from being so settled. So I go out. It +is a bright day with just the right amount of warmth, and my summer woods +are filled with the fragrance of plants. I rest frequently, not because I +need to, but because the ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no +one can find me; only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms +or men, no one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which +is green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which looks +as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so thin and +lonely. + +You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel a kind of +sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It was like meeting +a child. + +With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit across +the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist sways in slow +rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, fluctuates and strains to +give birth to something. But when I rise to walk on, the end is not yet in +sight. + +I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. They neither +toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace my steps to see if I +can find their leader, but it is useless: farther and farther I retreat, I +begin to run, but the procession is endless before and behind me. Perhaps +they started a week ago. So I go on my way, and the other insects go on +theirs. + +Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an embrace, +in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to stamp or weigh it +down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and defenseless, indulgent like a +mother. To think of an ant walking on this! Here and there lie stones, +half-covered with moss, not because they have fallen there, but because +this is their home, and they have lived here long. This is peerless. + +When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on another +peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little cow with red +and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me and caws down at me +in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against the stone. A warm thrill +runs through me, and I feel, as I have done in the woods so many times +before, that someone has just been here, and has stepped to one side. +Someone is with me here, and a moment later I see his back disappearing +into the woods. "It is God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor +singing. I only see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It +was God," I think. + +"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I reply. "Am I +making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the Mohammedans their god, +the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one knows God, my friend; man knows +only gods. And sometimes I meet mine." + +I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the one I came +by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I reach a great +ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse myself, I pretend to +be tired, flinging myself on the ground exactly as though someone were +watching me and saw how exhausted I am. It is only for my amusement, +because my brain has been idle so long. The sky is clear everywhere; the +clusters of mist over the Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but +they have stolen away. In their place, an eagle swings in great circles +over the valley. Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring +as though held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to watch +him. At length he disappears behind the peaks. + +And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper trees. What +miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin perhaps hold some +meaning; they have lain here for thousands of years, but perhaps they, +too, roam, and make an inexpressible journey. The glaciers move, the land +rises, and the land falls; there is no hurry here. But since my +consciousness cannot associate fact with such a conception, it grows blind +with fury and revolts: The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game! + +This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of stone. It's +a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, and perhaps a +well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But heaven protect me just +the same from the inhabitants of these towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, +neither do they attract thieves; they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: +that is what I hold against them, that they make no fiery gestures; it +would become them to roll a little, but there they lie, with even their +sex unknown. But you saw the eagle instead! Be still.... + +A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the flowers +and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only trembles. + +I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's house. + +"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," I tell him +in the course of our conversation. + +"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies cunningly. +In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has seen what it leads +to. + +I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the ground. He +thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an animal that +sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had bought a slightly +larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would feed one cow more; but he +himself had only got this bit of a field. Still, this would amount to +something, too, as long as he kept his health to work it. + +He gripped his spade again. + + + + +XIII + + +Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, but some +of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded and said, Yes, +he was the right sort. + +"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Hoey asked, looking +up from his plate. + +No one answered. + +Then Associate Master Hoey could not help smiling broadly, and said: + +"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've never paid +any attention to him." + +Associate Master Hoey might look at Solem all he pleased; he would grow no +bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Hoey was annoyed, and that +was the truth. It is catching for a woman to discover that a man is "the +right sort"; the other women grow curious, and stick their noses into it: +"So-o-o, is he?" And a few days later the whole flock of them are of one +opinion: "Yes, indeed, he's the right sort!" + +Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then! + +Poor Mr. Hoey; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for Solem. To +tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much about the matter, +but she could not lag behind the others. + +"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Hoey, and smiled again. He was +intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and pretty. + +At the next meal, Mr. Hoey could contain himself no longer. + +"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem." + +"Well?" + +"Common sneak-thief!" + +"Oh, shame!" + +"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue chin, a +perfect horse-face...." + +"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie. + +Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation after all, I +thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite a little cushion +over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched up. She had eaten well and +slept well, and improved at this resort. Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has +plenty of life left in her. + +This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate Master Hoey! +For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of a lawyer, and he +talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had there been anything +between her and Mr. Hoey? True, he was not much to look at, but then +neither was she. + +The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the social +sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the principle of the +referendum. At first he had worked a few years in an architect's office, +he told us, but then he had changed to the law instead, which in its turn +had led him into social problems. No doubt he was a rich and unselfish man +to be able to change his vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, +Switzerland!" he said, and his eyes watered. None of us could understand +his fervor. + +"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said. + +The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite incapable of +restraining himself. + +Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about him +lately. He's ten times better than many another." + +"There, you see!" + +"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he is. And +what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame goat." + +"Did you stop to watch that?" + +"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. And later +I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. I can well +understand that the ladies see something in him." + +How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the wife of the +captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and remain faithful to +her Chinaman. + +"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said Mrs. +Molie. + +Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate Master into +jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight? + +But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Hoey's torment and +wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Hoey just expressed himself +kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who one fine evening had +caused her to tear down her window blind? There is cause and effect in all +things. + +"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then she +reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about Switzerland; +but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, and I've never in my +life been so cheated." + +The lawyer only smiled at this. + +Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, watchmakers and +the Alps and Calvin-- + +"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said the +Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with suppressed rage. + +"Really, really, Associate Hoey!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm with a +smile. + +But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by telling them +all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that model for all small +countries of the world. What social conditions, what a referendum, what +planning in the exploitation of the country's natural wonders! There they +had sanatoriums; there they knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous! + +"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It smells like +tourists' feet." + +Dead silence. So Associate Master Hoey was prepared to go to such lengths! + +"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish voice mildly. + +"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Hoey replied. "Just the thing for +Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair." + +Laughter. + +Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could safely +continue: + +"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we should not be +so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest investigations in +that country that they are ahead of us in every respect. We have +everything to learn from them: their frugality, their diligence, their +long working hours, the small home industries--" + +"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Hoey. "All trifles, nothingness, +negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the mercy of its +neighbors ought not to be a model for any other country on earth. We must +try to rise above the wretched stench of it, which only makes us ill. The +big countries and big circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, +even the small things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. +A child can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state of +affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to be its +model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland really amounts +to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the smallest and meanest +country as our model? Things are small enough here anyhow. Switzerland is +the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard of a young South American country +of Norway's size trying to be on a level with Switzerland? Why do you +think Sweden is taking such great strides forward now? Not because it +looks to Switzerland, or to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for +that! But what about us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation +stuck up in our mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--" + +The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to indicate that he +wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his voice: + +"Just a moment!" + +The Associate Master stopped. + +"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the lawyer, +preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in the country you +speak of?" + +"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master. + +There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And then it all +came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had known all the time +that Mr. Hoey had been on a traveling scholarship in Switzerland, but she +had never mentioned it. What a snake in the grass! She had even encouraged +the lawyer, but no one else, to talk about Switzerland. + +"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Hoey has been in Switzerland" she +said, as though to clinch the matter. + +"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the country with +different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly anxious to end the +controversy. + +"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, who +seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after generation, +filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their mountains. But it's +a country without folk music or folk tales. I suppose you think we ought +to work hard to resemble the Swiss in that, too?" + +"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen. + +Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did. + +At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the window as +she said: + +"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland before, Mr. +Associate Master." + +This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to annihilate +her, but he restrained himself and remained silent. + +"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him. + +"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't understand it, +I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm accustomed to explaining +to children." + +Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling patiently. + +"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to yours," the +lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that this was one thing I +knew something about, however...." + +Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on the point +of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still for a moment, and +then followed her, whistling and putting on as brave a manner as though he +felt quite easy in his mind. + +"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of the +company, namely myself. + +And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied: + +"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both sides." + +Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a mediator, +for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's early seventies, +one still has many pathetically young ideas. + +The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus: + +"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for being +able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain resort. We get +tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and earn money and pay off +our debts. Ask this man if he would have been willing to do without all we +have learned from Switzerland...." + +That evening Mrs. Brede asked, + +"Why did you make Mr. Hoey look so unreasonable today, Mrs. Molie?" + +"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!" + +As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really been +innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate Master set off +up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and remained away till midday. +If they had the matter out between them, then no doubt the lady spoke to +her much-tried friend as follows: + +"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! What an +idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give him a good +dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're the silliest, +sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...." + + + + +XIV + + +Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no other +visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a manner of +speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us still believe there +will be more visitors, because after all we're the only ones that have the +Tore peaks! + +But no one appears. + +The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and do not +complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things quietly; he +sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but once or twice I +have seen him walking away from the house at night, walking in deep +thought toward the woods. + +From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor traffic has +started there now. So this is the explanation of the quiet in our valley! +Then one day a Dane came down to us from the fjeld. He had climbed the +Tore peaks from the other side, something that had been thought impossible +till now. He had simply driven in a car to the foot of the mountains and +walked across! + +So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either. + +I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow green-fodder +in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at any rate, had been +his original intention, but then came the great caravan, and he neglected +it. Now, of course, the season is too far advanced for sowing, and there +will be nothing but docks and chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at +least, and sown? Why didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking +the woods at night? + +But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in farming was +diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has remained. He hears that +our lawyer is also an architect and asks him to draw a plan for the big +new house with the six rooms, the hall and the bathroom. Paul has already +ordered the log chairs and the reindeer horns for the hall. + +"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the cars coming +here too," said the lawyer. + +"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can do +something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must have a +road." + +The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round to look at +the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. Paul was already +quite convinced that three or four good tourist summers would pay it off. + +Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I discovered +that he smelled of brandy. + +Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, travelers who +were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. Everyone's spirits rose; the +strangers stayed a few days and nights, and were guided across the fjeld +by Solem, who earned a fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and +strolled about the farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to +discuss with the lawyer about the house. + +"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," he said. +"I shall be away for a couple of days." + +So they attended to a few minor matters. + +"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer. + +"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if I can get +the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a telephone and +automobile service and so on." + +"Good luck!" said the lawyer. + +So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about our own +affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said: + +"Will you go and sow the field by the river?" + +"Has Paul said so?" he asked. + +"Yes," she replied. + +Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, Josephine +went down to him and said: + +"Harrow it once more." + +What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought than the men! +She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have seen her many times +with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. And when she pretended that +none but the maids milked the goats and did outside work, it was for the +good name of the house. She had learned to play the piano for the same +reason. The mistress of the house helped her nobly, for both women were +thoughtful and industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was +light as a feather. And the chaste little hands she had! + +"Josephine, Josefriendly!" I called her wittily. + + + + +XV + + +Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering taking her +departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she did not need a stay +in the mountains on that account, and if she was bored, why should she +stay? + +But a minor event caused her to stay. + +In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to cultivate +Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that they felt a need +to busy themselves with something, and to find someone to make a fuss +over. And here was the lad Solem. They got into the habit of telling one +another what Solem had said and what Solem believed, and they all listened +with great interest. Solem himself had grown spoiled, and joked +disrespectfully with the ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once +he had even bragged in a most improper way, saying: + +"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!" + +"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's chopping wood +and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps getting caught in the +wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he said: 'I wish I had time to stop +so I could chop this blasted finger right off my hand!'" + +"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of doing it, +too!" + +A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, tying a +fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was chaste, but young. + +The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the heat +coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all our strength. +But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied ourselves in various +ways: some of us wrote letters or played forfeit games in the garden, +while others were so far restored that they went for a walk "to look at +nature." + +Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. He had on +his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of going to bed. + +Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said: + +"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?" + +Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his forehead. + +"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. There was a +path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she said." + +Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, she paced +back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. Her red felt hat +was held on the back of her head by a pin, the brim turned up high in +front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, her shoes light. + +It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a window onto +her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! Had she not toiled +through her youth and gained school knowledge? But no reality! Poor Miss +Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any other lady tonight. + +As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, Miss Torsen +cleared her throat. + +"Come with me instead!" she said. + +Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right." + +So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated indifference, +as though nothing on earth were any concern of mine. + +"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already behind +the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they hurried lest +Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone. + +A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in her, +nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no language; her soul +was undernourished. A true woman would have married; she would have been a +man's wife, she would have been a mother, she would have been a +benediction to herself. Why pounce on a pleasure merely to prevent others +from having it? And she so tall and handsome! + +The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog approaches. +Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on the bone and +crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is approaching. + +It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my mind was +ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within me the nursery +rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking verses about the juniper +tree. + + To the top of the steepest mountains, + where the little juniper stands, + no other tree can follow + from all the forest lands. + Halfway to the hilltop + the shivering pine catches hold; + the birch has actually passed him, + though sneezing with a cold. + But a little shrub outstrips them, + a sturdy fellow he, + and stands quite close to the summit, + though he measures barely a yard. + They look like a train from the valley below + with the shortest one for the guard. + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now-- + why, it's only a juniper tree. + + Down dale there's summer lightning, + green leaves and St. John's feast, + with songs and games of children, + and a dozen dances at least. + But high on the empty mountain + stands a shrub in lonely glory, + with only the trolls that prowl about, + just like in a story. + The wind with the juniper's forelock + is making very free; + it sweeps across the world beneath + that lies there helpless and bare, + but the air on the heights is fresher + than you'll ever find it elsewhere. + None can see so far around + as such a juniper tree. + + There hovers over the mountain + for a moment summer's breath; + at once eternal winter + brings back his companion, death. + Yet sturdy stands the juniper + with needles ever green. + I wonder how the little chap + can bear a life so lean. + He's hard as bone and gristle, + as anyone can see; + when every other tree is stripped, + his berries are scarlet and sleek, + and every berry's plainly marked + with a cross upon its cheek. + So now we know what he looks like too, + this jolly juniper tree. + + At times I think he sings to himself + a cheerful little song: + "I've got a bright blue heaven + to look at all day long!" + Sometimes to his juniper brothers + he calls that they need not fear + the trolls that are prowling and peering + about them far and near. + Gently the winter evening + falls over the copse on the height, + and a thousand stars and candles + are lit in the plains of the sky. + The juniper trees grow weary + and nod their heads on the sly; + before we know it they're fast asleep, + so we say: "Good night, good night!" + +I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I sent to a +little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the country, and she +learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. Brede's little girls, who +stood still like two bluebells, listening. Then they tore the paper out of +my hand and ran to their mother with it. They loved their mother very +much. And she loved them too; they had the most delightful fun together at +bedtime. + +Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a madness, +but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did anyone prize her for +that? Who? Her husband? + +A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the consequences +of her being left behind for endless days. + + + + +XVI + + +Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks very happy +about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too restless and +strange to be contented with anything. + +Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with Solem, and +stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up again, she was +quite all right. + +Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though someone had +seized her by it? + +She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he were +nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods that had +made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no longer! It was like +her to want nothing real, nothing but the sensation, nothing but the +triumph. Solem had not understood that, and had flown into a passion. Had +it been thus? + +Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more direct +and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like "Oh, yes, +that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as strong as a man!" + +And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her with gross +eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself and seem +indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life whenever she was +about. But he might have saved himself the trouble. Miss Torsen was +stone-deaf to his songs. + +And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of sheer +defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done before, but she +began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, sitting by his work table +in the living room as he drew plans of houses. Such is the perverse +idleness of summer resorts. + + * * * * * + +So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I begin to +weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going across the +fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were in other years, +when visitors came in droves. And things will not improve until we, too, +get roads and cars. + +I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the neighboring valley +is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours is only called Reisa after +the river: the whole of the Reisa district is no more than an appendage. +Stordalen has all the advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls +the neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people there +are so petty and avaricious. + +Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as hopeless as he +went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a day, he stayed in his +room without once emerging. When he reappeared at last, he was aloof and +reserved, pretending he had been very successful during his absence; he +should manage about the cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had +a few more drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to give +their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with any sense. +Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the whole appendage? +Because then the caravans would come, scattering money over the valley. +They understood nothing, those fools! + +"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said the lawyer. + +"Of course," replied Paul with finality. + +Then he went to his room and lay down again. + +On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had toiled up +themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and now they wanted +some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could not possibly carry all +the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down in his room. I had seen Paul +again during the night go out to the woods, talking loudly and flinging +his arms about as though he had company. + +And here were all the strangers. + +Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem across to +Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help them carry. In +the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept looking at their +watches, for if they could not cross the Tore fjeld before nightfall, they +would have to spend the night outdoors. One of them suggested to the +others that perhaps this delay was intentional. The owner of the place +probably wanted them to spend the night there; they began to grumble among +themselves, and at last they asked: + +"Where is the master, the host?" + +"He's ill," said Josephine. + +Solem returned and said: + +"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes." + +A pause. + +Then Josephine said: + +"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!" + +She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and knapsacks on +her little back, and trotted off. The others followed. + +I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I would not +allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from the house would do +her good. We walked together and talked on the way: she had really no +complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum of money saved up. + +When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn back. She +thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with nothing to do but +walk. + +"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said. + +She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, the daughter +of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been going with the +tourists solely to carry their luggage. + +"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but that can +wait till the winter." + +We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I threatened to +throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then she would see! + +"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied Josephine, "and +then _you'll_ see!" + +By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew what had +happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted the burden from +my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of ceremony, and told me his +own and his companions' names. I must excuse them, I really must forgive +them; this was too bad, he had been so unobserving.... + +I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. It is not +strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me the ape of all +the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many another groans under a +burden of stupidity, which is little better. We all have our cross to +bear.... + +Then Josephine and I turned homeward again. + + * * * * * + +Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; this is +because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am troublesome to +others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw loose; people forgive me +because my hair is gray. You who live by your compass will say that I am +respected for the writing I have been doing all these years. But if that +were so, I should have had respect in my young days when I deserved it, +not now when I no longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the +world--can be expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and +only the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that age. + +Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is due, not +so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born with this ability. + +I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have thought to +myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no doubt others have +said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I have gone even further than +this: I have intentionally exposed myself to direct contempt from other +literary men, and this has not hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. +On the other hand, my way of life has lent me an inner distinction for +which I have a right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet one can +endure even such a lie if one has character. + +You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!--"_Considering +what book-writers do in the world, and what the world does +with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous thing the world +at present has to show_." You may quote many others as well; they will +assert that a great to-do is made over me for my authorship as well as my +native ability, and my struggle to hammer this ability into a useful +shape. And I say only what is the truth, that most of the fuss is made +because I have reached an age in which my years are revered. + +And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which makes it easy +to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and arrogant fashion. Old +age should not be honored for its own sake; it does nothing but halt and +delay the march of man. The primitive races, indeed, have no respect for +old age, and rid themselves unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A +long time ago I deserved honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than +one sense, I am a richer man and can afford to do without. + +Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. "How old +he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain silent so that I +may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing nonsense! + +The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old fellow and old +companion; for pity's sake don't say anything memorable to us--you should +have done that when you were better able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep +us company. But don't let your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't +restrain us; you have had your day--now it's our turn..." + +This is honest speech. + +In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers preserve +their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, unpleasant +labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she herself works +among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same with her own daughter. +It is her instinct. + + + + +XVII + + +Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see nothing in +them that I have not known before. So I sink to the level of watching +Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But that too is familiar and +dull. + +Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a delusion of +greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for the money he earns, +and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, though it is very warm; +round his neck and over his chest lies a costly silk tie tied in a +sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as he, as he well knows; he sings +as he crosses the farmyard, and considers no one too good for him now. +Josephine objects to his loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so +indispensable at the resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his +own will in many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company. + +Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with the +lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in his plans. +Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is the right man for +her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather simple-minded, +strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to reconcile herself to +the constant companionship of these two in the living room, and she +frequently had some errand that took her there; what was she after, Mrs. +Molie, of the ice-blue teeth? + +At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver them. He +began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore range which no one +had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be conquered by him. Miss +Torsen objected to this plan, and as she grew to know him better, begged +him most earnestly not to undertake such a mad climb. So he promised with +a smile to obey her wishes. They were in such tender agreement, these two! + +But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it out to +his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again. + +"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said. + +So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her. + +The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on the pair. +One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss Torsen and said: + +"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?" + +The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at length: + +"A path? No, thank you." + +She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she said: + +"I never heard of such brazenness!" + +"What got into him?" said the lawyer. + +Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer. + +That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss Torsen +again and said: + +"What about that path? Shall we go now?" + +As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to elude him. +But Solem did not hesitate to follow her. + +"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If you're +insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the farm...." + +But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he was guide +and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent laborer on the farm as +well. And soon the hay would have to be brought in, and casual laborers +would be engaged to work under him. No, Solem could not be driven off. +Besides, the other ladies were on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone +could save him by a word. She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her +hand. + +Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and became a little +more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. Once at midday, as he was +standing in the woodshed, I saw him make a scratch with the ax across the +nail of his thumb. + +"What on earth are you doing?" I asked. + +"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. "When this +scratch grows out--" + +He stopped. + +"What then?" + +"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said. + +But I had the impression that he meant to say something different, so I +probed further. + +"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here long then, +will you?" + +"Nails grow slowly," he muttered. + +Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping wood. + +A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a cackling hen +under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and called: + +"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?" + +"Yes," was the reply. + +Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he wanted to +behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did everything on the farm; +he was, hand and brain, indispensable. + +He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, for she +twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She had stopped +cackling now. + +"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem. + +Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem still +held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was done so quickly +that the two sections of the bird were still one in my eyes; I could not +grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, and it took my sight a +second or two to overtake the event. Bewilderment was in the expression of +this detached head, which looked as though it could not believe what had +happened, and raised itself a little as if to show there was nothing the +least bit wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the headless body +reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and spattered blood in wide +arcs before it fell at last. + +"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem. + +Then he went off to fetch another hen. + + + + +XVIII + + +I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This would, to be +sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the farm: but who would +fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you he just lounges all day in +his room, and has been doing so lately more than ever; the guests never +see him except through an unsuccessful maneuver on his part. + +One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his disregard of +time, have thought the guests had already retired, but we all sat outside +in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew himself up and saluted as +he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he said: + +"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I was right +there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying luggage!" + +Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared important enough, +so he turned round and asked: + +"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as porter?" + +"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting potatoes." + +"Wouldn't go?" + +"That's what Einar said." + +Paul thought this over. + +"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them off the +place." + +Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked: + +"Haven't they bought their land?" + +"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say in things +too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe me...." + +Then he said sternly to Solem: + +"You come to me next time." + +Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again. + +"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer. + +Nobody replied. + +"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like that?" the +lawyer remarked. + +Mrs. Brede said gently: + +"What a pity! He never drank before." + +And at once the lawyer was charitable again: + +"I'll have a good talk with him," he said. + + * * * * * + +There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning till night, +when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was hoisted, and there +was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's feet said _whrr_ under +her skirt. The manufacturer arrived with a porter; his wife and children +went far down the road to meet him, and the visitors at the resort sallied +forth too. + +"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. He won us +all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with the broad good +cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good friends with us at once. + +"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as they clung +to him. + +"Three days." + +"Is that all!" said his wife. + +"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short time, my +dear; three days is a lot for me." + +"But not for me and the children," she said. + +"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do some +moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!" + +They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew the way +to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once. + +In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the manufacturer and +his wife joined us in the living room; he had brought whisky with him for +the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; for the ladies he had wine. It was +quite a little party, the manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we +were all well satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, +this heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think only +of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. Flags should be +lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went across to the cottage, +too, to see if the children were sleeping well. Generally speaking, he +seemed fond of the children. Though he owned factories and hotels and many +other things, yet he seemed to take the greatest pride of all in +possessing a couple of children. + +One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and began to make +a speech. + +The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but here was a +perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man from the great +world outside, from the heart of life, who had brought them wine and good +cheer and festivity? Strange wares up here in this world of blue +mountains ... and so on. + +He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated. + +The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral country that +neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had visited, and therefore +could not disagree about. One of the Danes had been there and was able to +confirm the justness of the manufacturer's impressions. + +But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes: + +"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I was in a +bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in Icelandic!' Ha, ha, +ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at swearing in Icelandic,' he said!" + +Everybody laughed, and his wife asked: + +"And what did you say?" + +"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, ha!" + +Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget we had the +family of a real man of the world with us here--his wife, "this peerless +lady, scattering charm and delight about her," and the children, dancing +butterflies! And a few minutes later, "Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a +flourish on the piano. + +The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife. + +"Well, that's that!" was all he said. + +Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the Dane who +had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she seemed purposely +to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's attention was attracted, and +he asked for further information about the motor cars in the neighboring +valley: how many there were, and how fast they could go. The Dane told +him. + +"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" said Mrs. +Molie. "It hasn't been done before." + +In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him about this +adventurous journey also. + +"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" said Mrs. +Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where ever will you stop?" + +Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he believed it was +unconquerable. + +"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, hadn't +forbidden me," said the lawyer. + +"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent tone. This +was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again as though ready to +believe him capable of anything. + +"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said Miss +Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast." + +"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife with a smile. +"After all, I'm an old sailor." + +"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little. + +"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring." + +"Where?" + +"In Iceland." + +"What for?" + +"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't much use for +it," said the manufacturer. + +"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his wife +repeated nervously. + +The manufacturer laughed. + +"The curiosity of the female sex--!" + +"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the children if +you--" + +She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand. + +"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a question of +life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. Well--we'd better say good +night now, Gerda." + +The manufacturer and his wife got up. + +Then the first man from Bergen made another speech. + + * * * * * + +The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and then made +ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was contented and +entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky and soda was brought +him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little girls had a wildly +hilarious half-hour with him. At night a tremendous snoring could be heard +from his cottage. Before his arrival, the little girls had spent a good +deal of time with me, but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up +with their father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two +rowan trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the rope +so as not to injure the tree. + +He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was intending to +take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's head was bent now, but +he seemed even more hurt that the manufacturer should have paid a visit to +the cotters to see how they were getting on. + +"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, for all I +care!" + +The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was a little +depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his family's courage +up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with both hands, and the +children clung to his other arm. + +"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm not +allowed to say good-bye." + +The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his arm back; +Mummy, you hold him tight, too!" + +"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just a short +trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be there, too." + +"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children asked. + +He twisted round and nodded to us. + +"These women! All curiosity!" he said. + +But none of his family laughed. + +He continued to us: + +"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, too. He +shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, ha, ha! That's +the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself to find out what +comes after death!" + +But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His wife +stood still; her face was beautiful. + +"So you're leaving now," was all she said. + +Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at the farm +for these three days in order to be at hand. + +Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied by his +wife and children. + +I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and money and +everything, fond of his children, all in all to his wife-- + +Was he really everything to his wife? + +The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he wasted +time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went by.... + + + + +XIX + + +It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being sharpened in +the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly clad and bareheaded, +and call to one another and laugh; sometimes they drink from a bucket of +whey, then set to work again. There is the familiar fragrance of hay, +which penetrates my senses like a song of home, drawing me home, home, +though I am not abroad. But perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from +the soil where I have my roots. + +Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to sobriety? +Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The others go out and lie +on their backs; I steal off and find relish in myself, and feel poetry +within me for the night. The world wants no, poetry; it wants only verses +that have not been sung before. + +And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge irons now, +for the needs of the mob and the honor of the country. + +No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen and left +our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern Railway could have +come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's tours--then Stordalen in its turn +would have lain deserted. Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the +soil will probably go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields +for the rest of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our +descendants are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with +the demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic. + +Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where you must +shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the country, a born +mediocrity with a little school knowledge about history; you had better +ask him. He'll give you just as much mediocre information, my friend, as +your vision can grasp and your brain endure. + + * * * * * + +Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a most +irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to him; he saw +no way out and therefore preferred to make himself blind, which gave him +an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our permanent guests now left together: +the telephone operators, Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and +Palm, and two men who were in some sort of business, I don't quite know +what. This whole party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven +about in cars. + +Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were carried +up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make several journeys +with the side of his cart let down, and bring the cases over the roughest +spots one by one. That was the kind of road it was. Josephine received the +consignment, and noticed that one of the cases gave forth the sound of a +liquid splashing inside. That had come to the wrong place, she said, and +writing another address on it, she told the man to take it back. It was +sirup that had come too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime. + +Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; the sirup +had not come too late, Paul said angrily. + +"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We heard the +sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor. + +Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull and empty, +nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at times. Though he +wanted to build still more houses, he could not use half those he had +already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone with her children in one of +them, and since seven of the guests had left, Miss Torsen was also alone +in the south wing. Paul wanted at all costs to build roads and share in +the development of the tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of +motor cars. But since he had not the power to do this alone and could get +no assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to make +matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw his money.... + +Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before going out +himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, but he was +disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him loudly: "Good +evening, Paul!" and drew him outside. + +They strolled down the field in the dusk. + +Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" with a man +about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be settled by talking. +But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer was right in all he said, +and probably left him with good resolutions. + +Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post office; the +money he had from the seven departed guests would be scattered to all +quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough to cover everything--in +fact not enough for anything, for interest, repayments, taxes, and +repairs. It paid only for a few cases of food from the city. And of course +he stopped the case of sirup from going back. + +Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It was the +same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own way to go on +searching for a solution, and one day he asked the lawyer: + +"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish +in--goldfish?" + +"Do you mean an aquarium?" + +"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?" + +"I don't know. Why?" + +"I wonder if I could get one." + +"What do you want it for?" + +"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, perhaps +it wouldn't." + +And Paul withdrew. + +Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish. + + + + +XX + + +The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even swings her in +the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to steady her when the +swing stops. Solem watches all this from the field where he is working, +and begins to sing a ribald song. Certainly these two have so ill-used him +that if he is going to sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the +time to do it; no one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, +and then began to yodel. + +But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting his arm +round her and stopping her.... + +It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the garden; he +didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss Torsen would not go +with him, and going alone was such a bore. He did not conceal that the +young woman meant something to him. + +Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked round +quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became his position +of a servant: + +"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm to take a +rope and go with him." + +The lawyer was startled. + +"Is he--?" + +The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His small, +athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence. + +"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell you. +Because after all it was your idea first." + +"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now he'll be +ahead of me." + +Solem knew how to get round that. + +"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go to the +village tomorrow." + +"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that." + +"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the Blue Peak +will be in all the papers." + +"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the matter. + +But Solem urged him on: + +"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about it." + +"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the lawyer. + +"We can go at dawn," said Solem. + +In the end they came to an agreement. + +"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me. + + * * * * * + +The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not in his +room, and not in the garden. + +"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I said. But it +transpired that the Dane had not even thought of climbing the Blue Peak +that day, and knew nothing whatever about the expedition. + +This surprised me greatly. + +I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the peak through +my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there was nothing to be +seen. It was five hours since the two men had left. + +At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in sweat and +exhausted. + +"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of guests. + +"What's happened?" somebody asked. + +"He fell off." + +How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we do? Rush +up the mountainside and look at the accident too? + +"Can't he walk?" somebody asked. + +"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us as though +to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. "He fell off; he +didn't want me to help him." + +A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway across the +field; she was going to the village to telephone for the doctor. + +"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish mountaineer. + +So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take brandy +and bandages to the site of the accident, and the Bergensians, the +Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went with him. + +"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak today?" I +asked the Dane. + +"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant to go, I +should certainly not have wanted company...." + +Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the stretcher. Solem +kept explaining all the way home how the accident had happened, what he +had said and what the lawyer had said, pointing to objects on the way as +though this stone represented the lawyer and that the abyss into which he +had plunged.... Solem still carried the rope he had not had a chance to +use. Miss Torsen asked no more than anyone else, and made purely +conventional comments: "I advised him against it, I begged him not to +go...." + +But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back to life. +Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was dead. The doctor +could do nothing here, and returned to his village. + +There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village to send a +telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did what we thought +decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the living room with books +in our hands. Now and again, some reference would be made to the accident: +it was a reminder, we said, how small we mortals were! And the Associate +Master, who had not the soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this +disaster would injure the resort and make things still more difficult for +Paul; people would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed. + +No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand the +Anglo-Saxon mind. + +Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him rather +than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to console us on this +mournful evening. + +And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of the men +from Bergen made a speech. + + + + +XXI + + +The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the city, and +Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the spot where it +had taken place. If the body had not been removed at once, they would have +written about that, too. + +Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish that Solem +should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest time, but must not +the business of the tourist resort go before all else? + +"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his work. A flock +of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, made him take them to +the mountains, to the river. A phrase was coined at the farm for Solem's +absences: + +"Solem's with death." + +But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in the very +midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he was an important +personage, listened to by strangers, doling out information. Nor did his +audience now consist of ladies only--indeed, no; this was something new, a +change; these were keen, alert gentlemen from the city. + +To me, Solem said: + +"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch on my nail +has grown out, isn't it?" + +He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it. + +The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not only about +the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the locality, and about +the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, with its wonderful +buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What a surprise to come here: +gargoyles, living room, piano, all the latest books, timber outside ready +for new jewels in their setting, altogether a magnificent picture of +Norway's modern farming. + +Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising. + +The English arrived. + +"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they asked. + +"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the farm. +"There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!" + +That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. So Solem +had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart away the hay, +but then the women had no one to help them rake. Confusion was rife. +Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither because there was no one to lead +them. + +The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving weather. As +soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, perhaps all the +hay. Oh, we should manage all right. + +More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. Their +perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had successfully +eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here without being caught. +There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against the sky! They hurried up so +fast that Solem was hardly able to keep pace with them. They would have +felt for ever disgraced if they had neglected to stand on this admirable +site of a disaster, this most excellent abyss. Some said it would be a +lifelong source of regret to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak +forthwith; others had no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, +and to shout down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out +on the ledge that they stood with their toes on death. + +But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort earned a +great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the furrows in his +face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong and active with good +fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who is not defiant in adversity +is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! Paul stopped drinking; he even +began to take an interest in the harvesting, and worked in the field in +Solem's place. If only he had begun when the weather was still slow and +patient! + +But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit again; he +only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters those outlying fields +from which they were used to getting half the hay; this year he would have +liked to keep it himself. But he had given his word, and there was nothing +to be done about it. + +Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could not even +stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three cartloads of fodder +were going to waste. + + * * * * * + +Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. The +newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying misfortunes, +the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. It had been an +intoxication; now came the morning after. + +The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his knapsack +and walked across the field like one of the villagers, caring no more for +the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in the last week had taught +him a lesson. + +And the tourists swarmed on to other places. + +"What harm have I done them," Paul probably +thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been +too much in the fields and too little with them? But I +greeted them humbly and took my man out of the +harvesting work to help them...." + +Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, sportsmen to +their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, cycling, and +football; they were going to be civil engineers--the young Norway. They, +too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of their ability; after all, +one must keep pace with modern life. But they were so young that when they +looked up at the peak, they were afraid. Solem had learned more than one +trick in tourist company; craftily he led them on, and then extorted money +from them in return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all +was well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a bloodstained +rag which he flung on the ground, saying, + +"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off." + +"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout. + +Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances. + +It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then rain again +for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was invisible, the +mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but rain. The roofs at the +Tore Peak resort began to leak more and more. + +The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and rotting, and the +stacks had gone moldy. + +The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. They had +carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs. + +The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left for home. +The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them walking in the +hills and telling them stories. The house is empty now. Associate Master +Hoey and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they left last week, traveling +separately, though both were going to the same small town. + +He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while she crossed +the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is still here. + +Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever heard +anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your tongue. + +Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to the town +again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the winter, and +Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am simply longing. + +Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all sensible +Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the right road. The +papers are all writing about the splendid progress the tourist traffic has +made in Stordalen since the motor road was opened--ought I not to go there +and feel gratified? + +From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who are left; +Miss Torsen is still here. + +Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she does not +leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman Torsen, child +of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all through her formative +years, who has learned all about _Artemis cotula_, but undernourished +her soul. That is what she is doing here. + +I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with Englishmen, a young +sprout coming down from the mountain top with a bloodstained rag which he +threw on the ground, saying, "Here's what's left of your lawyer that fell +off!" Miss Torsen heard it, and never moved a muscle. No, she never +mourned the death of the lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote +off at once to ask another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to +be a swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't employed at +a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him when he came, and +said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for coming." So evidently +she had sent for him. But why did she not leave? Why did she seem to +strike root in the place, and even ask others to come here? Yet she had +been the first to want to leave last summer! There was something behind +this. + + + + +XXII + + +I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is somehow +connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem is still here. +How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl has been spoiled! I saw +her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, untouched, walking +intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying to his greeting. Did she +suspect him of complicity in the death of the lawyer and avoid him for +that reason? Not in the least; she avoided him less than before, even +letting him take her letters to the post office, which she had not done +previously. But she was unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her +bearings. Whenever she could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, +with dung; she sniffed at foulness and was not repelled. + +One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse that was +restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep red. But she +mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine: + +"Isn't that man leaving soon?" + +"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days." + +Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with a great +show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one to her. She +went away in silence. + +Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. Solem's +despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had inflamed, his +brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his looks--she sniffed at +all this and was excited by it. She had grown so unnatural that her sexual +needs were satisfied by keeping this man at a distance. The Torsen type no +doubt lies in her solitary bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in +another house a man lies writhing for her. + +But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. There was +nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the braggadocio of the +theater.... + + * * * * * + +Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question Solem about +the accident. We are alone together in the woodshed. + +Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak that +unfortunate Sunday morning? + +Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand. + +I repeated my question. + +Solem denied he had said any such thing. + +"I heard you," I said. + +"No, you didn't," he said. + +A pause. + +Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without shape, an +outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up again. When he was +on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to rights, we looked at each +other. I had no wish to speak to him further, and left him. Besides, he +was going away soon. + +After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out alone, aping +myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger +today!" And when this was done, I did other nothings, and when my money +began to run out, I wrote to my publisher, pretending I would soon send +him an unbelievably remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man +in love. These were the typical symptoms. + +And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of dwelling on +the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In that case I must have +concealed well in these pages that I never think of her except as an +object, as a theme; turn back the pages and you will see! At my age, one +does not fall in love without becoming grotesque, without making even the +Pharaohs laugh. + + * * * * * + +_Finis._ + +But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, and that is withdrawing to +my room, and sitting alone with the good darkness round me. This, after +all, is the last pleasure. + +An interlude: + +Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their footsteps and +their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of the evening, I cannot +see them. They stop outside my open window, leaning against it, and the +actor says something, asks her to do something she does not want to do, +tries to draw her with him; but she resists. + +Then he grows angry. + +"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly. + +And she begins to weep and says: + +"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at all. Why +can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you." + +Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I made my +presence known then because her weeping sounded so wretched; I moved a +chair and cleared my throat. + +The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, trying to +listen; but she said: + +"No, it was nothing...." + +But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the sound was. It +was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick with me; she had often +pretended that she thought I was not within hearing, and then created some +such delicate situation. Each time I had promised myself not to intervene; +but she had not wept before; now she wept. + +Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, the eyes +of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how well-behaved! +But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it from your hands! You +are so unnatural that in your seven and twentieth year, you walk +unmarried, barren and unopen! + +The pair drifted away. + +And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing into +solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. This is the +last pleasure. + +One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the company of +others and can endure only one's own, but because of their quality of +loftiness and religion. Strange how all things pass distantly, yet all is +near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must be God. It must be ourselves as a +part of all things. + + What would my heart, where would I stray? + Shall I leave the forest behind me? + It was my home but yesterday; + now toward the city I wend my way; + to the darkness of night I've resigned me. + + The world round me sleeps as I tarry, alone, + soothing my ear with its quiet. + How large and gray is the city of stone + in which the many all hopes enthrone! + Shall I, too, accept their fiat? + + Hark! Do the bells ring on the hillside? + + Back to the peace of the forest I turn + in the nightly hour that's hoarest. + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I yearn; + I shall rest my head on heather and fern, + and sleep in the depths of the forest. + + Hark, how the bells ring on the hillside! + +Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? Yes. + +It is the last happiness. + + + + +XXIII + + +The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than that: +imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, my friend, +whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. But I say there is +an imperial sun in the sky. + +It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for the woods +are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into being. A short time +ago they were not there, or I did not see them, or they had the earth's +own complexion. There is something unborn about them, like embryos in an +early stage. But if I whirl them about, they are miracles of fulfillment. + +Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close is the +poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible mushroom, and how +innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. What magnificent cunning! A +spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual vice itself, but preening in splendor +and brilliance, a very cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it +is good and soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. +Was it not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat. + +The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the cattle, but +they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells that they are +moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, sometimes sounding together +as though there were a meaning in it, a pattern of tones, a rapture. + +And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny flowers and +plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, wonderfully meek, with +tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless it, it's becoming a mother! +It has got caught in a dry twig and I liberate it. Life quivers within it; +the sun has warmed it today and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic +miracle. + +Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that passes +through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening. + +I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to rest, and +darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my feet feel their +way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the field, where it is a +little lighter. I walk on the hay that has been left outdoors; it is tough +and black, and I slip on it because it is already rotting. As I approach +the houses, bats fly noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A +slight shudder convulses me whenever they pass. + +Suddenly I stop. + +A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new house. He +has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but it is not the +little comedian himself. There he goes, into the house, right into the +house. It is Solem. + +"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the building, +in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. And Solem has just +gone in." + +I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, for after +all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes pass. He has not even +bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him clicking the key in the lock. +Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I hear nothing, nothing; a chair +scraping across the floor, that is all. + +"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; he may +overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? I--what for? +But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, take my word for it." + +Not a single cry. + +The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot go my way +and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A very thorough +business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it is almost dawn. It +occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps has killed her already; I +am alarmed and about to get up--when the key clicks in the lock again and +Solem emerges. He does not run, but walks back the way he came, down to +the veranda of my own house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it +hung before, and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been +naked under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all out. Now, +stark naked, he stalks to his room. + +What a man! + +I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What has +happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the lady is not +dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he goes to his room, +lights the lamp, and goes to bed. + +It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it at +once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her death and the +lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse others--the thief of last +winter, the man that stole the sides of bacon from a tradesman and sold me +rolls of tobacco out of his bag. No, I shall not keep silence about +anything then.... + + + + +XXIV + + +When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his breakfast, settled +his business with Paul and the women, and returned to his room. He was in +no hurry; though it was no longer early in the day, he took his time about +tying his bundles, preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the +windows of the south wing as he passed. + +Then Solem was gone. + +A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at once about +Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She had certainly +stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him time to leave; if she +wanted to see him she could have been here long ago. But was it not safest +to seem a little angry? Supposing, night owl that I was, that I had seen +something! + +"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly. + +"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied. + +"Lucky for him!" + +"Why?" asked Josephine. + +"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!" + +How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed down. Her +anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a scene; only she did +not walk proudly, as was her habit, but preferred to sit in silence. + +That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's departure, +and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took walks, she talked and +laughed with us, she made the actor swing her in the children's swing, as +in the lawyer's day.... + +I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness for +walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple of the +little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God and Goethe +and _ueber allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'_ that night. On my return, I was in +the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I undressed and went to bed in +the dark. + +Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady and the +actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; of that I was +sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had returned. There was +something she _wanted_ me to hear. + +Why should I listen to him still pleading with her? + +"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow." + +"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added suddenly; +"some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good +night." + +For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, settled man +though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the others! That's what +she's after! + +And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was Tradesman +Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she would give me a +kind word or a look that was quite out of the picture, and as unmistakable +as her pride would permit. No, she had no objections to seeing old age +wriggle. And listen to this: before this she had been intent to show a +well-behaved indifference to sex, but that was finished; was she not at +this moment resisting only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not +tonight, but some other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she was also +cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt. + +Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before his +pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too. + + * * * * * + +Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living room. The +lady and the actor read one book; I read another. + +"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?" + +"With pleasure." + +"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and fetch my +galoshes?" + +So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known popular +song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar way. + +She turned to me. + +"You seem silent." + +"Do I?" + +"Yes, you're very silent." + +"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book I held in +my hands. I read a longish bit. + +She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said impatiently: + +"What is this you want me to listen to?" + +"The _Musketeers_. You must admit it's entertaining." + +"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands and drag +them apart again. + +"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I replied, and +went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had written. They were only +a few poems--nothing special, just a few small verses. Not that I am in +the habit of reading such things aloud, but I seized on this for the +moment because I wanted to prevent her from humbling herself, and telling +me anything more. + +While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned. + +"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said. + +"No?" she replied absently. + +"No, I really looked everywhere, but...." + +She got up and left the room. + +He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a moment. Then it +occurred to him. + +"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he said, and +hurried after her. + +I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her face as +she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through me and my +pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no fool. I was the +fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman to despair. Some +practice the sport of making conquests and the sport of making love, +because they find it so agreeable; I have never practiced sport of any +kind. I have loved and raged and suffered and stormed according to my +nature--that is all; I am an old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the +shadow of evening, the shadow of the half-century. Let me have done! + +The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She had +turned him out; she had wept. + +I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her type. + +"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I shall leave +tomorrow." + +"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked. + +"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here they are,' +I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your nose,' I said. +'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So I went away." + +"She'll get over it." + +"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my opinion nobody +can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty sex, the women, a +mighty sex. They certainly are." + +He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went out again. + + * * * * * + +That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was there when +we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To the actor she was +very kind, quite making up for her petulance of the afternoon. + +When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a written note +folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he dropped everything he +was doing to unfold and read it. With an exclamation and a smile, his +blue, delighted eyes splashed over her; but she was looking down into her +lap with her forehead wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest +pocket. + +Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he tried to +cover it up somehow. + +"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to require +all his energy for the task of eating. + +Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking to him. He +had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she emerged from her +room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the good comedian could not +contain himself, but would surely let a third person into the secret? + +Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but he looked +very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have been a promise; +perhaps she would not tantalize him further. + + + + +XXV + + +A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel together, +and that would be the end. + +I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is stern. One +result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent for him in vain, nor +had he come in vain. + +That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to come--many more. + +She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; why be +niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that they lose +increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold back now? The +ground has been completely shifted: from half-measures to the immolation +of all virtue. The type is well-known, and can be found at resorts and +boarding-houses, where it grows and flourishes. + +In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or her +teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds herself in the +midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with quantities of tinned food +for her meals. The company round her is continually changing, tourists +come and go, and she passes from hand to hand for walks and talks; the +tone is "country informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life +stripped of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next room, +while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. In a short +time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, surfeited with herself +and the place. She is ready to go off with the next halfway respectable +organ grinder that happens along. And so she pairs off with the most +casual visitors, flirts with the guide, hovering about him and making +bandages for his fingers, and at last throws herself into the arms of a +nameless nobody who has arrived at the house today. + +This is the Torsen type. + +And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect the +fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the end of the +summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one in every corner. +But perhaps it consoles her to think that she knows the genitive of +_mensa_. + +Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked nothing, is +committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, nor anything +within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, nice. In fact he is +even something more of a man because he has really made a conquest. He has +no wish but to spend some pleasant hours with the Torsen type. + +He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once she was +visible through the doorway, and he called to her: + +"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the mountain!" + +"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied. + +He was impatient. + +"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that takes! +Ugh!" + +She measured him coldly and said: + +"You're very--familiar." + +If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been weeping and +gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and an hour's delay, +and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's manner changed at once, +and he replied docilely, as his nature was, + +"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!" + +Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally and swinging +his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of his knees, and the +unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was something unnatural about this +plumpness, as though it did not belong to his sex. + +His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His raincoat +hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, though it was not +raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But why speak harsh words about +a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, that had abused it, and it hung from +his shoulders as innocently as a bridal veil. + +Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is stern. +Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following scene will +take place: I stand here waiting only for this departure. So she gives me +her hand and says good-bye. + +"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright and easy +in her mind. + +"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your ways." + +"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the great +error of my ways! Well, really!" + +And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing on the firm +ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing like this: + +"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!" + +She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her head and +reply, pale and offended: + +"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you." + +But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, proud girl, +would have a lucid moment and see things in their true light: + +"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to keep? I am +thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I am seven and +twenty...." + +My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were somewhere +else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far away. + +"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss Torsen? I +must go now." + +"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you wait a few +minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. Good-bye, +good-bye." + +I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every nook and +corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good shelter. From here I +shall see when these two leave. She has only to say good-bye now to the +people of the farm. + +It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We spoke +only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and today I have not +spoken to her.... + +Here they come. + +Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; though they +walked separately up the mountain track, yet they belonged together. They +did not speak; the essential things had probably already been said. Life +had grown ordinary for them; it still remained to them to be of use to +each other. He walked first, while she followed many paces behind; it was +lonely to look at against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had +her tall figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. They each +carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably because, owing to +the greater number of her clothes, hers was the heavier sack. Thus had +they shifted their burdens; what burdens would they carry in the future? +She was, after all, no longer a schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no +longer with the theater or the films. + +I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare ground, with +not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far away near the ridge +murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put their possessions together, +were walking together; at the next halt they would be man and wife, and +take only one room because it was cheaper. + +Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human sympathy--nay, +of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, say a word of +warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few minutes--a good +deed, a duty.... + +They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill. + +Her name was Ingeborg. + + + + +XXVI + + +And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the Tore Peak +farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it snowed for the first +time--wet, sad snow. + +It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have played the +piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now I am leaving, +too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be cheerful for; things +have gone badly this year, and may grow worse as time goes on. The +prospect is not a good one. "But something will turn up," says Josephine. +She need not worry, for she has money in the bank, and no doubt there is a +young man in the offing, on the other side of the fjeld. + +Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. The other +day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. The friend could +not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had expected money, but it +hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer because of his private +affairs. That was all very well, but when would the bill be paid? Why, he +would send it from the town, of course; that was where he had his money! + +"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," said +Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I didn't like +the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as good as anybody, and +throwing his stick up in the air and catching it again. And then when Miss +Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told her, and I wondered if she couldn't +let me have the money for him. Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't +he paid himself?' 'No,' I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad +one, we need every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should +get the money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could trust her +for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money all right, if not +from him. I daresay she'll send it herself...." + +And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner. + +Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very steady, but +at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes no interest in +things; he does little more than feeding the horses and chopping some +wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of the summer cow houses for +autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, and probably it will not be done +at all. So far it hasn't mattered, but this morning's first wet snow has +covered the hay outdoors and the maltreated land. And so it will remain +till next spring. Poor Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he +pushes doggedly on against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, +knowing how useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile. + +His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on his +threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in memories, for he +has ninety years behind him. The many houses on the farm confuse him a +little; the roofs are all too big for him, and he is afraid they might +come down and carry him off. Once he asked Josephine if it was right that +his hands and fingers should run away from him every day across the +fields. So they put mittens on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in +fact he ate everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they +must be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about. + + * * * * * + +I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the way I had +come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It is fitting that I +should go back, always back, never forward again. + +I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then the +Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between a human +being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat wall, and a +paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age dwelling. Olga was +kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it +pained me to watch her flit about the room, tiny and crooked, as she +looked for a pair of reindeer cheeses for me. + +Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so many lonely +months. I did not enter it. + +Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. But I shall +skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not entering. This +morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the mouse I left here last +spring; but tonight I am taking it out again because I am no longer in the +mood, and because there is no point in it. Perhaps it would have amused +you to read it, my friend; but there is no point in amusing you now. I +must deject you now and make you listen to me; there is not much more to +hear. + +Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to you, then +I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into what is distant; +you do not, for this is something you cannot learn from your little +schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for me. I shall be merry +again with you later, when my strings are tuned to merriment. I have no +power over them. Now they are tuned to a chorale.... + + * * * * * + +At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on quickly in +order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I must have started +too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I shall reach the village +at high noon. What am I chasing after? Perhaps it is feeling the nearness +of the sea that drives me forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, +with the glitter and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts +through me like a greeting from another world. "_Thalatta!_" I cry; +and I wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless and +fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend the ridge as +though in a trance and reach the first house. + +There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window suddenly +disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though only the barn was +of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's home. As I entered the +house, I saw that though it was as poor within as without, the floor was +clean and covered with pine twigs. There were many children here. The +mother was busy cooking something over the fire. + +I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a couple of +small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, the woman said: + +"I expect you want a boat?" + +"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my last visit; +I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles from the sea. +"Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?" + +"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she replied, +"because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over lots of people +this year." + +Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have completely +altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten months ago. + +"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked. + +"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or there's Eilert +and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go there; they've got big +houses." + +She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to the +shore, and I proceeded thither. + + + + +XXVII + + +A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, displayed a +new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as usual, was a peat +hut. + +As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had stopped to +consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward me. Ah, well, the +world is a small place; we meet friends and acquaintances everywhere. Here +am I, meeting an old acquaintance, the thief of last winter, the pork +thief. What luck, what a satisfaction! + +This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now. + +At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that up. Once +he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in style: + +"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most welcome under +my humble roof, and such it is!" + +My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still collecting my +thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he explained that since the +motor traffic had started in Stordalen, many visitors came through this +way, and sometimes they wanted to stop over at his house before being +rowed across to the steamer. They always came down in the evenings, and it +might be fine, or it might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He +had therefore had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't +expect people to spend the night outdoors. + +"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said. + +"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to give +shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel there is to it. +My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if he builds a place +that's ten times as big. Look over there--now he's building another +house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got three grown men working on it so +he can get it done by next summer. But it won't be much bigger than my +place at that, and anyhow, the gentry don't want to be bothered walking +all that distance to his place when here's my house right at the car stop. +And besides it was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have +wanted to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make himself any +different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits of canvas and rugs +and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to sleep there. But I'd +never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a storehouse for fodder and hay +for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my mentioning it! But of course if +you've no shame in you and don't know how to behave in company--" + +"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down the road to +his place!" + +We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all the way, and +assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a good-for-nothing for +copying him as he did. + +If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have passed by +Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, though I may not have +appeared so. It cannot be helped. + +"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. "They're +gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through Stordalen, and they +had to walk because the cars have stopped for the season. They've been in +my house for quite some days, and I think they'll be staying on a while +yet. I think they're out now, but of course it means I can't let you have +my best room." + +I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through me--no, of +course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was a fresh surprise. +What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the door, there was the +actor, too--standing there looking at me: the actor from the Tore Peak +resort. It was his knees, his coat, and his stick. So I was right--I +_had_ recognized her face at an upper window. Yes, indeed, the world +is small. + +The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice to see me +again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking himself in liquor, +he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul seemed to think the whole +inn was an aquarium and we visitors the goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I +wish we were, I must say!--Well, Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock +for supper? Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been +here several days; we want to stay and get a good rest." + +As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft and +addressed the actor: + +"The missis wants you to come right upstairs." + +"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be stopping here, +too, I expect?" + +He hurried up the stairs. + +Eilert and I followed to my room. + + * * * * * + +As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He had a great +deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not unwilling to listen to +him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a fine fellow with four ragged, +magnificent youngsters by his first wife, who had died two years before, +and another child by his second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told +me this, the yarn about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had +spun for me last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the +message from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And +she, too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again. + +It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you tell me +about your family. + +No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been full of an +obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. Probably a mere +coincidence, but that did not detract from my satisfactory state of mind; +I was pleased with everything, and all things added to my cheerful frame +of mind. There were some pigs by the barn, very affectionate pigs, because +they were used to the children playing with them and kissing them and +riding on their backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of +course, standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming their +own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to the best of +their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just beneath the sunset, +began the great road that winds up through the woods and the valley. There +is something of the friendliness of a living being about such a forest +road. + +Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went with him. +Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; but he had promised +the gentry from the city some fish, and fish was one of the gifts of God. +Besides, if he lacked meat, he could always slaughter one of the pigs. + +There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert said, as +long as there was not too much of it. + +"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; "the +bigger the wind, the stronger the current." + +At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of Eilert's +French words: _travali, prekevary, sutinary, mankemang_, and many +others. They've had a long way to travel, coming here by ancient routes +via Bergen, and now they're common property. + +And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt extremely +ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock. + +"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore for a +while." + +But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and the sea +rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert. + +The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there was +entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An inner +exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained it. But I had +experienced no emotional excitement. + +We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising fast!" +cried Eilert, rowing with all his might. + +I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would manage by +himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that they could see me +from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. Eilert's wife might see +me and laugh at me. + +What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to put my head +over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a moment's relief, and +then it began all over again. Charming! I felt as though I were in labor; +the wrong way up, of course, through my throat, but it was a delivery +nonetheless. It moved up, then stopped, came on again and stopped, came on +and stopped once more. It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; +I had never felt anything like it before; it was not something I was born +with. All my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump of +steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, thank heaven, +my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed inside the islands that +served as a breakwater, and I was saved. + +Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, imitating my +own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. And I assured Eilert, +too, that this was the first time I had ever been seasick, so that he +should understand it was nothing to gossip about. After all, he had not +heard about the great seas I had sailed without the slightest discomfort; +once I had been four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the +passengers in bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me! + +"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert. + +That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had not +brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire to come +down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread and butter and +milk to be sent up. + + + + +XXVIII + + +Next morning they had gone. + +Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard them +perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of the plump +thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She hushed him, and +her voice sounded angry. + +Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some minutes, +negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had changed their +minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they went down to the boat, +Eilert with them. I could see them through the window, chilled by the cold +of early morning and short-tempered with each other. There had been a +frost during the night; ice lay on the water in the buckets, and the +ground was harsh to walk on. Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy +morning, with the sea still running rather high. There they go with their +knapsacks on their backs; she is still wearing her red hat. + +Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending to sleep +till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except myself. I could +not see the boat from my bed, so I got up again--just to while the time +away--to see how far they had gone. Not very far, though both men were +rowing. A little later I got up and looked again--oh, yes, they were +getting on. I took up my post by the window. It was really quite +interesting to watch the boat getting smaller and smaller; finally I +opened the window, even looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet +quite light, I could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed and +went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, Regine, was +up. How calmly and naturally she took everything! + +"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her. + +"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till after +they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose they're going? +Haddock fishing?" + +"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're leaving, all +right. They had their knapsacks on their backs." + +"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not a thing! +And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, neither!" + +I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that coffee was +nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup-- + +Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such foolishness was to +shake my head and go away. One must take the sensible view. How was it +possible to understand such behavior? Nevertheless I, the undersigned, +should have gone on to Olaus yesterday, instead of going fishing. That +would have been still more sensible. What business had I at this house? +Very likely she found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this +was why she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack. + +Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't matter. As +long as one has a reason to go away. + + * * * * * + +Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he came up +the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He was in a +furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it on him--no, +they'd just better not. + +Of course it was the bill again. + +"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I thought to +myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it as nonchalantly +as it should be taken. There are worse things." + +But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had driven them +away without their clothes; perhaps they had really expected some money to +be sent here--who knows? + +I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? "Good +heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to them at once +with their clothes!" + +But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had arrived +just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very moment. + +Well, there was no help for it. + +"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes next +Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again." + +I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. Why couldn't +he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular one? + +Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him the other +one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so good as this +one. And I should remember that the money the missis had paid him hadn't +covered more than the bill for one of them. So it was only reasonable that +he should take the fullest knapsack. As a matter of fact, he had behaved +very well, and that was the truth. Because when she gave him the larger +knapsack, and wrote the address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, +and said not another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on +him--they'd better not, or he'd know the reason why! + +Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky. + +When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he was not so +lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been brooding and +speculating ever since last summer, when the motor traffic started, and +did I think it would be a good idea for him to hire three grown men, too, +and build a much bigger house than Olaus's? + +So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian disease! + +The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her clothes; I +recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I hardly looked at them, +of course; just unpacked them, folded them neatly, and put them back in +the bag again; because no doubt Eilert had had them all out in a heap. +This was really my only reason for unpacking them. + + + + +XXIX + + +Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this year. + +They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the trading station +for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment through the valley to +order a car to meet them. Stordalen, Stordalen, they said. So they had +apparently not yet seen Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once. + +And what a sensation they made! + +They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could hear them a +long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the others. Eilert +dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to the landing place in +order to be the first on the spot. From Olaus's house, too, a man and a +few half-grown boys went down, and from all the houses round swarmed +curious and helpful crowds. There were so many spectators at the landing +place that the old man with the loud voice drew himself up to his full +height in the boat and majestically shouted his English at us, as though +his language must of course be ours as well: + +"Where's the car? Bring the car down!" + +Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his two boys +up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the Englishmen had +arrived. + +They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not understand +why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the meaning of this?" +There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. As they came up past +Eilert's house, they looked at their watches and swore because so many +minutes were being wasted. Where the devil was the car? The populace +followed at some distance, gazing with reverence on these dressed-up +fools. + +I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud voice--who +wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green canvas with braid +and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets all over it. What a man, +what a power! His beard, streaming out from under his nose like the +northern lights, was greenish-white, and he swore like a madman. Another +of the party was tall and bent, a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, +stupendous, with sloping shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly +arched eyebrows; he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I +measured him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth was +tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept him on the +move. + +"Stordalen!" he cried. + +England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. She +desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not other +countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a couple of +generations be converted to pederasty.... + +Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and everyone +raced to meet it. + +Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in meeting the +car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; were they not to +get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in the back seat for their +return journey and thus enjoyed the drive of a lifetime; but money! They +had acquired enough brazenness in the course of the summer not to +hesitate, and approached the loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms +and clamoring: "Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the +car forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best by +driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the horn, and a +rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay! + +The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious visitors. +Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear comparison with them! +"Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" "And did you see the other +one, the one with the skirts and the northern lights?" + +But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus family, had +more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the first time understood +what he had read in the paper so many times, that the Norwegian elementary +school is a worthless institution because it does not teach English to the +children of the lower orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip +merely because they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman +with the northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just wait!" They +had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for tires.... + + * * * * * + +I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I do so is +that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count her clothes to +make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake not to have done so at +once. + +It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and thinking about +them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is now evident that I was +right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him going upstairs, and when I +came in, he was turning out the bag and going through the clothes. + +"What are you doing?" I said. + +At first he tried to brazen it out. + +"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him was so +much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I wronged him, he +complained, and exploited him: + +"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got more for +them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still wanted more, like +the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. That was Eilert. Yet he +was not too bad; he had never been any better, and he certainly had grown +no worse with his new livelihood. + +May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood! + +So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in order to take +better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy everything up for the +second time, but it had to be done. Later that evening I would resume my +journey, taking the knapsack with me. I had done with the place, and the +nights were moonlit again. + +Enough of these clothes! + + + + +XXX + + +Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty years ago I +walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, snowy roads, on bare, +frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the hunt for love. How well I +remember it! But it is no longer the same moonlight. I could even read by +it the letter she gave me. But there are no such letters any more. + +Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk abroad on an +errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go across to the trading +center and dispatch a knapsack by the steamer; after that I shall wander +on. And that requires nothing but a little ordinary training in walking, +and the light of the moon to see by. But in those old days, those young +days, we studied the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a +moon on Twelfth Night, for we could use it then. + +Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the teller. + +They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: deeper +pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you have read +right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a self-interest +that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten when he stood on the +summit, forgotten his own self, his own _alias_, red and white, +blowing a golden horn. Now he stands no longer--no, he sits--it is less of +a strain to sit. But now there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and +stupid, the honor of old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man +on his feet can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But +honor is meant to be used, not to be sat with. + +Let sitting men wear warm stockings. + + * * * * * + +What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days of the +golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for the night; but +where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm her breath was, coming +between lips a little parted! She will come again, of course; let us wait, +we have plenty of time, another twenty years--oh, yes, she will come.... + +I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon the +honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that a barn is a +gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a barn for thee! + +No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies. + +And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn. + +Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is fitting that +I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in a huddle, small and +invisible. Anything else you please, as long as you don't flaunt your +selfishness and your rags! + +I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's knapsack full +of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is just the right size. +But sleep will not come; there are only thoughts and dreams and lines of +poetry and sentimentality. The sack smells human, and I fling it away, +laying my head on my arm. My arm smells of wood--not even wood. + +But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? And I +scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart tomorrow. Just a +line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a softness in the letters, a +womanliness--I don't know. + +It doesn't matter. + +I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is up and +about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet of wrapping +paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and seal it and write +on the outside. There! + +Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it inside, I mean. +Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As I continue on my way, +I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt because the knapsack was +quite heavy after all, and now I am well rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I +think suddenly. And as I walk on I think irrelevantly: "The last country, +the last island, the last pleasure...." + + + + +XXXI + + +What now? + +I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer behind +me--no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no difference where I +stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought I might as well go +there--why not? A man cannot forever sit by the sea, and it is not +necessary to misunderstand him if he decides to leave it. So he leaves +his solitude--others have done so before him--and a mild curiosity drives +him to see the ships and the horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a +certain town. When he arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness +if he does not know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. +The moonlight is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a certain +address to visit evening after evening, and to take up his post there as +though something depended on it. He is not expected anywhere else, so he +has the time. Then one evening someone finds him reading under a lamppost, +stops suddenly and stares, takes a few steps toward him, and bends +forward searchingly. + +"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--" + +"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen." + +"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. Yes, thank +you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I understood all at once--I +quite understand--" + +"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!" + +"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to come up, +would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't." + +"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. Unless you're +cold?" I suggested. + +"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to." + +We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out walking. +There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole evening +undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all through a cold +autumn month. + +Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, some of it +only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; sometimes with her head +deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a question, replying by a brief word +or a shake of the head. I write it down from memory; it was important to +her, and it became important for others as well. + +Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we struggle? +In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs and letters and +think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" There are others about +whom nothing at all will be written or read; life will close over them +like a grave. Either way.... + +What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had been +unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the universe; +everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. Then she heard a +man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered Blakka yet?" That was +_his_ preoccupation. So she was not the center of the universe after +all. + +Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on their tour. +The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked across fields, and +through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, and water from the +brooks. If they met other travelers, they greeted them, or they did not +greet them; no one was less a center of attention than they, and no one +more. Her companion walked in vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he +went. + +At one place they stopped for food. + +"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said. + +She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for the time +being" all the way. + +"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. Perhaps we +can get a loan further down the valley." + +"I don't borrow." + +"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper. + +"What is it?" + +"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?" + +"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up. + +"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the visitors' book." + +She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and wife; that +was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. But she had been +very foolish to agree to it. + +"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered. + +And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and took her +knapsack on her back. + +They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both without +discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It grew to be a +habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end of the valley by the +sea, and here she revolted again. + +"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any more!" + +The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they saved +money by it, she replied that she for her part required no more than one +room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked again, whimpered, +"Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his back was bent. + +She ate alone that evening. + +"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the house. + +"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied. + +There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be interested in the +roof, in the style of building, and walked round looking at it, pursing +his lips and whistling. But she could see perfectly well from the window +that his face was blue and dejected. When she had eaten, she walked down +to the shore, calling as she passed him: + +"Go in and eat!" + +But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and slept +under no roof that night. + +It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last next +morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, everything +slipped back again to where it had been. + +They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail boat, when one +evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew him, and he knew them +both; she was thrown into a state of the greatest excitement, made ready +to leave at once, wept and beat her breast, and wanted to go home, +immediately, at once. It ended as such things usually end: when she had +calmed down, she went to bed for the night. She was not the center of the +universe, and the old acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did +not appear to be looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of +flight early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did. + +Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had leisure to +think things over calmly. She now broke with her companion in earnest. She +had a minor disagreement with him again, for he had no ticket, and one +word gave rise to the next. It was all very well for her, he said; she had +her return ticket in her pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved +in all these trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, +and was she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him her +purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was probably +enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of him. + +"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," he said, +and left her. + +She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She was in a +bad way now, so very different from what she had once thought; what shame, +what utter futility she had wandered into! She brooded till she was worn +out; then she began to listen to what people about her were saying. Two +men were huddled on benches trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one +of them say he was a schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. +The schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the bench. + +It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the wind. The +artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had a berth, but +when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He was on the point of +lighting his pipe, but stopped. + +"Go on, don't mind me," she said. + +So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her face. + +He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick reddish hair +under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his forehead. His chest was +broad and flat, but his back was round and his hands massive. A great +horse. + +Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had evidently +been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let the food stand. + +"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?" + +"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking plenty of +time over it; then sat still again. + +"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said. + +"Oh--haven't you come far?" + +"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?" + +"From the town. I've been on holiday." + +"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head. + +"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added. + +"The Tore Peak? So." + +"Do you know it?" + +"No, but I know some of the people there." + +A pause. + +"Josephine's there," he resumed. + +"Yes. Do you know her?" + +"Oh, no." + +They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat there talking; +it was all they had to do. She asked where he came from and what his trade +was, and it seemed he was nothing important, only a paltry carpenter, and +his mother had a small farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee? + +"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a little in +the saucer?" + +She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a bite of food +as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she had finished, she +thanked him for that, too. + +"Haven't you a berth?" he asked. + +"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll be sick." + +"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--" + +With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She watched his +back disappearing down the companion to the lower deck. + +She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might come and +take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized sandwich with the +carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; this sheltered corner +seemed to her like a tiny foothold in life. + +There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole tray in his +big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for walking so carefully. + +She threw up her hands and overdid things a little: + +"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!" + +"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--" + +They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back half-dozing. +Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter lighting his pipe; +he struck two or three matches at once, but he was in no hurry; they were +always half burned before he put his pipe in his mouth and began to suck +at it. The schoolmaster called something to him, drew his attention to +something far inland, but the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing. + +"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought. + +At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he had been +below in the cabin. + +"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked. + +She did not reply. + +The carpenter looked from one to the other. + +"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion playfully. He stood +waiting a moment, and finally went away. + +"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," he was +thinking. + +"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up. + +"Oh, I'll be there some time." + +"What are you doing there?" + +He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she could see +at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his elbows on his +knees before he replied. + +"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, maybe. It +all depends." + +"Oh, I see." + +"What do you think of it?" he asked. + +"I think it's a good idea." + +"Do you?" + +They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward evening it +turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff with sitting, she +got up and stamped her feet, and when she had stamped till she was tired, +she sat down again. Once when she was standing a little distance away, she +saw the carpenter place a parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat +for her. + +Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, the wind +blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried: + +"Ingeborg, go below, will you!" + +"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship heeled over +on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to take a few skips to +keep her balance. + +"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do you hear? I +mean it, by all that's holy!" + +"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared. + +At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and sandwiches +again. + +"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said. + +He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if she thought +it was good enough. + +"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you someone to go +to?" + +"Oh, yes, I have a sister." + +Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it over, +looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When he had +finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had finished that one, +too, he said: + +"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, I'd better +learn something. And what with the farm as well--" + +"Yes, indeed." + +"You think so too?" + +"Oh, yes. I think so." + +Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private affairs of +her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got up. + +As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and said: + +"My name is Nikolai." + +"Oh, yes?" + +"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the town's +too big--" + +"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your kindness. +Good-bye." + + + + +XXXII + + +I ask Miss Torsen: + +"Have you met the carpenter since?" + +"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him because he's +a sort of mutual acquaintance." + +"Acquaintance?" + +"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens to be the +brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the Tore Peak farm +last summer." + +"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same family." + +"And that's why I've told you all this about him." + +"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, did you? So +you must have met him since." + +"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but not to +speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so on. Then he +said he was her brother." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"It was just in passing, quite by accident." + +This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of things are +accidental! It was an accident that I should have stopped under a +particular lamppost to look up something, to read a few lines. And then +you happened to live there." + +"That's right." + +"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I said. + +"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone." + +"No?" + +"You have to be pretty naive to marry." + +"Well, I don't know that being naive does any harm--being not quite so +clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being cheated. +Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever enough." + +"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect you +against being cheated. What else would it do?" + +"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness so much +that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from bad to worse, +because why should we worry? After all we've got our cleverness to help +get us out of the mess!" + +"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!" + +"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last summer, +you know." + +"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I came back +to town again it was as though--" + +A pause. + +"I don't know what to think," she said. + +"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the old days +people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary schools and the +right to vote; they lived their lives on a different plane, they were +naive. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty good way to live. Of course people +were cheated in those days, too, but they didn't smart under it so; they +bore it with greater natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance." + +"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of course that's +all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We can't change the +times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up with the times." + +"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it used to +say so in the _Neue Freie Presse_. But a person with character goes +his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a different way." + +"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she said, +stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the day." + +"Do you?" I said. + +"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good thing?" + +"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?" + +"Ha, ha!" + +"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!" + +"Oh, I don't know." + +"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first you have +to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or possibly a +pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass through." + +"His valley? Whose valley?" + +"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the housekeeping +you're going to need from her." + +"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, "you're quite +on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't anybody." + +"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody." + +"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want." + +"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and handsome +enough and capable enough." + +"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good night." + +Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, almost at a +run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said more, to have been +wise and circumstantial and made useful suggestions, but I was left +standing in a kind of stupid surprise. + +Then something happened. + +"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the next time +we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a short walk? I was +just--" + +"Going to post a letter, I see." + +"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--" + +We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently an +advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation. + +As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She turned a deep +red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two stone steps leading +from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to her chest, as though she +were looking very carefully at the steps before venturing to come down +them. They greeted each other again; the stranger shook her hand, and they +began to talk. + +He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair beard, and +dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. He wore a top +hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with silk. + +I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which they had +enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had been quite a +party, first out driving, then at supper together. It was a memory they +had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She seemed a little +embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to look at the illustrated +papers displayed in the window, when suddenly the thought struck me: "Good +God, she's in love!" + +"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed something, +agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he left her. + +She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about some of the +pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" But she gazed at +them without seeing anything. Silently we walked on, and for several +minutes, at least, she said nothing. + +"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally. + +"Is that who it was?" I asked. + +"His name's Flaten." + +"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is he?" + +"His father's a merchant." + +"But he himself?" + +"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know." + +"Yes, but what about _him_; what does he do?" + +"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His father's +so rich, you know." + +I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid countryman's +shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of horses, while the owners +were busy making purchases in the shop. + +"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws money +about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all whisper, 'That's +Flaten!'" + +"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said. + +"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses well--always has." + +"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly. + +She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod: + +"Yes." + +"What--that dandy?" + +"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, spent a lot of +time together. It's really based on a firm foundation. He's the only man +I've ever been in love with in all my life, and it's lasted many years. +Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget him, but the moment I see him again, I'm +as much in love as ever. I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but +that doesn't change it. It's queer." + +"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and asked nothing +more. + +When we parted, I said: + +"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?" + +"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near there, and I +can show you if you like. What do you want to see him for?" + +"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a competent +master." + + * * * * * + +Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? Yet I have +visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in stature, strong and +plain-featured, a man of few words. Last Saturday we saw the town +together; why, I don't know, but I suggested it myself. + +I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the weather +was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very little now; she +had changed so much since returning to the town. She had become more the +ordinary type of girl, not in any one thing, but in general. She thought +of nothing but vanities and nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten +her last summer's wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at +school again, in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and +this occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence. + +"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going to school +again; I've been going to school ever since I was a child. I'm no good at +anything else. I can only learn--that's what I'm used to. There isn't much +I can think or do on my own, and I don't enjoy it either. So what do you +expect?" + +No, what could I expect? + +Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised at +anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics on +horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I thought tigers +were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head seemed preoccupied with +other thoughts, and he paid little attention to the women riders who were +doing their tricks. + +On the way home he said: + +"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the _Krone_ +with me tomorrow evening?" + +"The _Krone_--what's that?" + +"It's a place where they dance." + +"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much like +dancing?" + +"No, not much." + +"You want to see what goes on there?" + +"Yes." + +"All right, I'll go." + + * * * * * + +It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, that the +carpenter and I went to the dance. + +He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch chain. +But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well in anything. +He had such remarkable strength that it was never necessary for him to +give way; this had lent him assurance and authority. If you spoke to him, +he was slow to reply, and if you slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow +in turning round to see who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, +good-humored companion. + +We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the window was +closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the hall was let to a +private club for the first two hours of the evening. + +A few young people came along as we were standing there, read the notice, +and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, looked round, and +went in through the gate as though looking for someone. + +"We can't do anything about it," I called after him. + +"No," he said. "But I wonder--?" + +He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows. + +A man came down the stairs. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter still showed +no inclination to return from the yard. + +The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He explained, like +the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the first two hours. + +"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion. + +But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while waiting for +him. + +"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but just the same +they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you see." + +They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they danced as +though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, well, young +people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening at home; they wanted +to work off the week's idleness in two hours, so they danced. Not unusual, +really. + +"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two hours than +in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal people--they don't count +the pennies. And yet there's no wear and tear, because of course people +like that don't dance on their heels." + +The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to us. + +"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?" + +"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. "It's a +private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for instance, I don't even +know who they are. The money just came by special messenger." + +"It's Flaten," said the carpenter. + +"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know it. "Mr. +Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always in fashionable +company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, I must have another +look round the hall--" + +The landlord left us. + +But the carpenter followed him. + +"Couldn't we look on?" he asked. + +"What, at the dancing? Oh, no." + +"In a corner somewhere?" + +"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and daughter +in--nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it." + +"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last time. + +"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back. + +"So you knew about this party?" I said. + +"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday." + +"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?" + +"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery." + +We walked on down the street, each busy with his own thoughts--or perhaps +with the same thought. I, at least, was furious. + +"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to buy +tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!" + +"No." + +Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It was +preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like a third +party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? A thought +struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I could: + +"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say anything +about that?" + +"No," he replied. + +"Didn't she say anything about me?" + +"No." + +"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to lie!" I was +highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out of the carpenter. + +Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the _Krone_. Nikolai turned +and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept straight on, he +hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard him once sighing heavily. + + +We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made myself +agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer together, then +went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting gallery. Finally we went to +a skittle ground, where we stayed for some time. Nikolai was the first to +want to leave; he looked at his watch, and was suddenly in a tearing +hurry. He was hardly even willing to finish the game. + +We had to pass the _Krone_ again. The cars had gone. + +"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very disappointed. I +believe he would have liked to be present when the party came out to enter +their cars. He looked up and down the empty street and repeated, "Just as +I thought!" He was suddenly anxious to go home. + +"No, let's go inside," I said. + + * * * * * + +It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, and a +throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery looking on. + +There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, shop +assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently seamstresses, +servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of light-footed damsels +who had no daytime occupation. The floor was crowded with dancers. In +addition to a constable whose duty it was to intervene if necessity arose, +the establishment had its own commissionaire, who walked about the hall +with a stick, keeping an eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance +was finished, the gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten +_oere_. If anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire +would tap him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and might, as a +last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably maintained. + +Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed a man who +was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping once--tall, swarthy, +lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered round him. + +"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I thought. + +"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai. + +"Oh, no," he replied with a smile. + +"Then we can leave any time you like." + +"All right," he said and remained seated. + +"Your thoughts seem to be far away." + +A long pause. + +"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to carry all the +manure and the wood myself." + +"So that's why you're so strong." + +"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the winter." + +"Yes, of course you will." + +"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent. + +"Yes?" + +"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with me this +winter, though--I've got a small spare room." + +"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea. + +"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter. + +Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, there he +was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore Peak. He was +standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he was Solem--"Solem, my +lad." He appeared not to be in the company of any one lady, for I saw him +choosing partners indiscriminately. Then he chose the wrong lady, and her +partner shook his head and said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the +couple to dance the next dance, and when it was finished, approached again +and bowed to the lady. Once more he was refused. + +The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, who could +tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without trimming. How +quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, but what a gentle +one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that of a repentant sinner. +Peerless! + +This was a woman for Solem. + +It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman that he +began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my lad." But his +boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he would show them an +image of sin! There was no sting in it; just old, familiar rubbish these +people had heard before. The commissionaire crossed over to him and asked +him to be quiet, pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. +This pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself said: +"Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of the Grecian +and her partner. + +He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other partners to +dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the late-comers having by this +time arrived. Many were crowded off the floor and had to wait, rushing to +get first place in the next dance instead. + +Then something happened. + +A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he was getting +up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and her partner, both +of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely clumsy as he rose that his +long arms and legs brought down a third couple. In a few minutes there was +a squirming heap on the floor; screams and oaths were heard, people grew +angry and kicked one another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster +with sincere and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them with his +stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself assisted him, and +the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting with the better part of +valor, slipped out of the room and did not return. + +Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing their shins, +dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others swearing. The Grecian +lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his temple, and put his hands to +his head in a daze. Questions were being asked about that--what was his +name?--that tall fellow who had started all the trouble. "Solem," said +some of the ladies. Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. +"Go and find him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," +said the ladies. + +Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him! + +But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from the floor +clung to her black dress, making it look as though spangled with stardust. +Submissively she accepted the lot of lying under all the others, entwined +in their legs, and smiled when someone pointed out to her that the comb in +her Grecian knot was crushed. + + + + +XXXIII + + +Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the snowplow at +home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years ago. + +Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. I sit in +the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been observant, he +would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, my absurdity +augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he was a child. In the +end I left it all behind me, and took my proper seat. My address is the +chimney corner. + +Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and Anglo-Saxon claptrap +in the town. This is my desolate period; my wheels stop, my hair stops +growing, my nails stop growing, everything stops growing but the days of +my life. And it is well that my days increase--from now on it is well. + +Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has got an +overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really need it, he +says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; and it was dear, +twenty _kroner_, but he got it for eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is +much happier about his overcoat than Flaten is about his. + +But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. His +friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of bachelordom, +for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told me this; I met her by +accident again under her own lamppost, and she told me then. + +"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said. + +"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a long time. +Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't know." + +"I think you've hit the truth there." + +She looked startled. + +"What do you mean?" + +"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were straight and +competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you wanted. What's happened +to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no longer reason to be bitter?" + +This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and meant well. + +She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said something +very sensible: + +"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you things exactly +as they were. I lost my post, which was a very serious matter. This made +me reflect for a time; that's true. But then--I don't know--I'm quite +adult, but not adult enough. I have two sisters who are really steady; +they're married and quite settled, though they're younger than I. I don't +know what's wrong with me." + +"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked. + +"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it." + +A pause. + +"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. "It might +have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you about the dinner +party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they thought of!" + +She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a great many +pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too bad. First they +had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of all, Flaten was sent +an invitation, of course, and it consisted of a painting, a very +emancipated painting in a frame, the only written words being the date and +the place, and the legend: _Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, +Bacchanales_. Then there were speeches for him who was about to leave +them, and generally speaking a most deafening shouting over the +wineglasses. And there was music, with someone of the company playing all +the time. + +But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, and girls +with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As there had been a +great deal of champagne, however, this part of the program tended to +deteriorate into something different, and the girls had to be sent away. +Then the gentlemen went down to the hotel lobby and stood at the door +watching for "opportunities." + +There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of clothes. +Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent forward over +the child to shelter it as she walked. + +"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your child!" + +"Yes, he's mine." + +"What, a boy?" + +"Yes." + +They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a servant +girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, who were both +short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected it carefully. + +"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says. + +"No," says the girl in confusion. + +That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first one +admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it over the +girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin and made it +smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and dirt all in one +little bundle. + +"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!" + +"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," they said. +"Where do you live?" to the girl. + +"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"_Have_ lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of them said, +taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and a great deal of +money was pushed into the girl's hand. + +"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her such a nasty +question," said the first of them. + +"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same thing, +but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a maiden!" + +A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then Bengt hailed +a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after her. + +"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the driver. + +Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. The group +were rather silent after this. + +"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about the money?" + + +"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old woman!" + +They grew cheerful again, and there were further "opportunities." A +peasant came down the street with a cow he was taking to the butcher's. + +"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your cow?" young +Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his head. So they bought +the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a minute," they said to the +peasant. Then they put a label on the cow, addressed to a lady they knew. + +"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant. + +By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned. + +"Where have _you_ been?" they asked in surprise. + +"The old lady said yes," was all he replied. + +"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, let's go to +the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old lady, too! What are we +standing here for? Let's walk into the bar!" + +_"Walk!"_ someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, cars!" + +The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it was +getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing time and +people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars arrived, ten of +them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered them. + +"Where to?" asked the drivers. + +"Next door," they said. + +So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that being the +bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the drivers. + +The bar was closed. + +"Shall we break in?" they said. + +"Of course," they said. + +So they all ran against the door together, till it said _ump!_ and +flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, shouting, and they caught +hold of him, slapped him on the back, and embraced him. Then they went +behind the counter and got out bottles for him and for themselves, +drinking and shouting hurrah for the baby, for Bengt's mother, for the +baby's mother, for the night watchman, for love and for life. When they +had done, they put some banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied +a handkerchief over them. Then they went back to the dining room. + +The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom slipper lined +with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long as they had the +strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. Then Flaten began to +distribute souvenirs among them. One got his watch, another his pocketbook +(which was empty), a third his tie pin. After this he went on to his +shoes, giving one to each of two friends, his trousers to another, and his +shirt to still another, till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they +collected quilts from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk +eiderdown quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. +He slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for some +more clothes. And then the party began all over again.... + +Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten one or two +details which she filled in afterwards. + +"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said. + +"And for the baby itself," I said. + +"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a tale!" + +"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that." + +"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the money +they settled on the child." + +"You'll change your mind about that, too." + +"Shall I? Why? When?" + +"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you." + +"Ugh, how can you say such things!" + +She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly offended. +To restore her to good humor I asked at random: + +"What sort of food did you get at the party?" + +"Don't know," she replied. + +"Don't you know?" + +"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest amazement. + +"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--" + +"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still more +offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the summer, and +tore them apart again. + +"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only thought +you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do learn cooking and +such in the daytime." + +"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your speech to suit +my narrow outlook!" + +A pause. + +"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked about the +food, only I forgot." + +She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to talk +about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured: + +"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry." + +"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you want to know +for? You don't know her." + +"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I persisted. + +"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I do! Flaten, +Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to enter his father's +firm!" + +"I only thought once he's married--" + +"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his father's +firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's so funny about +that?" + +"I'm not laughing." + +"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since Lind +publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human journal, he +says." + +"A human journal?" + +"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, almost +throwing the words into my face. + +She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did not +understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? Yes, perhaps +I ought." Then she began to cry. + +"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more." + +"You're not tormenting me." + +"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right note." + +"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--" + +What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing so +interesting as a question about oneself, I said: + +"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. Perhaps--well, not at +once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you that--well, that he's going +his own way now. But remember--" + +"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really mean +anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him." + +"But you said he was the only one!" + +"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course I've been +in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten was very nice, +and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or something like that. +And of course I was proud of his paying attention to me in spite of my +having lost my post. I think I could have got a job in his father's shop +but--anyhow, I'm looking for a job now." + +"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one." + +"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That is, I +shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old Flaten's +shop--I shouldn't fit in there." + +"Not very good pay either, I expect?" + +"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too much for it. +That wretched academic training of mine does nothing but harm. Oh, well, +let's not talk any more about me. It must be late; I'd better go." + +I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought about her +ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and an invisible sky. +No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man is served with a wife +who is nothing but a student. Why has no one in the country noticed what +the young women are coming to! Miss Torsen's tale of the wild party proved +how accustomed she was to sitting and listening, and then herself +disgorging endless tales. She had done it very well and not omitted much, +but she paid attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, +one who had studied her life away. + +When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the same time; +she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed this from the fact +that she was not in the least breathless as she spoke. + +"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said. + +"My dear girl--?" + +"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry about +that. Please be kind and forgive me." + +She took my hand and shook it. + +In my amazement I stammered: + +"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now don't +stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you walking back?" + + +"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening." + +"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--" + +"No, thank you." + +She pressed my hand firmly and left me. + +I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! Nevertheless I +stole after her to see that she got home safely. + + * * * * * + +It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that spirit of +labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she came to pay me a +visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked with her again and called +her Josefriendly. + +How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about all of them, +but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank much now; but he did +little of anything else either, and had definitely lost interest in his +work. He wanted to sell the farm. He wanted to try carting and delivery by +horse cart in Stordalen. I asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; +Einar, one of the cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all +depended on Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it. + +I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man with +mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was ninety, who +smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and asked Josephine: + +"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?" + +"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared hope. We +must be thankful he's still on his feet." + +I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought it all +quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the ladies who +rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one of the great +churches, too, and found her way there alone. For several days she was in +the town and did a good deal of shopping. I never once saw her dejected or +brooding about anything, and at length she said good-bye, because she was +going back next day. + +Oh, so she was going home? + +Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to see Miss +Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course he had never +sent it. + +"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, and turned +quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it very easy either, +because she asked me to wait till next day, but she gave it to me then." + +So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. +She had just visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met +Miss Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had seen +him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she was not a +one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock as well. As far as +that was concerned, she had some woolen blankets, and two beds complete +with bedding, too, nor did she lack clothes: she had many changes, both +underthings and top ones. Yet in spite of that she had started some more +weaving. + +I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had had no +inkling-- + +No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting the troth +and all. But that had been their intention. Because otherwise why should +that schoolmistress, that sister of his, Sophie Palm, have come up and +stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak farm for two whole summers, and +behaved as though she were a lady? No, thank you, that was the end of +that. Anyhow, that was what she, Josephine, had thought once, but it was a +Providence that it wasn't going to happen, because there would never have +been anything but trouble. So it was just as well. + +Suddenly Josephine caught herself up: + +"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my weaving. +Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your hospitality." + + + + +XXXIV + + +It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied Nikolai +to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any case, he had +decided to go home and fell timber in the woods. + +It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by Nikolai's father, +while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and built on a second story. +He has plenty of room for me; I have a small room to myself. + +His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to see to, +and usually she is washing something or other, even if it is nothing more +than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the kitchen stove, and keeps +her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, and strains her milk through a +muslin cloth, which she afterward washes and rinses twice. But she picks +food remnants from between the prongs of forks with a hairpin! + +A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix hang on +the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves with oddments, +including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are still simple and +orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture in the house, the +chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly constructed chest, have all +been made by Nikolai himself. + +Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the day after +we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his mother. When I +asked for him, she said: + +"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the woods." + +His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she cannot be +much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and big-muscled, with a fair +complexion and thick, graying hair, a veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are +good companions to her hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good +enough to see far and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, +like all the peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut. + +I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For nearly a +generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects herself. "Sophie is +four and twenty now, and it was the year after her birth that he died." + +They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and twenty. + +I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I cannot +make it tally. + +Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had gone to +school and passed an examination, and now held such an important post. Of +course her inheritance was used up, but she had her learning instead. +Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, handsome girl, Sophie--look, +here is her portrait. + +I said I had met her at Tore Peak. + +At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be among her +equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came home every year, +too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I had met her at Tore Peak? + + +Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made myself +slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance almost to the +point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. And now it becomes +evident that his brain works well, too. He should have had a horse, yes, +but he cannot keep a horse till he can provide more fodder. But he cannot +buy more pasture land till he has more money. But he was learning more +about his trade in the town, and when he had finished his course of +training, he would earn more money. After that he would buy a horse. + +I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the farmers +cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no poverty. Here +were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the walls, as at Petra's; +but good, thick furs with woven backs hung over the doors, and the +children looked healthy and well-fed. The neighbors all knew I lived at +Petra's house; every visitor to this district lived at Petra's house--had +done so as long as they could remember. I could sense no hostility to +Petra in these silent people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, +and he was quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a +bachelor; he had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, +at some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra? + +The schoolmaster gossiped thus: + +People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always used to live +at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, and the engineer that +planned the big road lived there, and so did the two traveling preachers, +to say nothing of the itinerant peddlers who toured the district all the +year round. So it went on for many a year, with the children growing up, +and Petra getting big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big +merchant--a wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, +with his own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were +glass panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with Petra, +and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that the child +Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and saw him, he +stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm added two rooms to +the house, for it was his intention to open a shop there. But when he had +built honestly and well, he died. His widow was left with two small +children, but she had means enough, for Palm had had plenty of money. Then +why did not Petra remarry? She could have got a man in spite of the +handicap of two small children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. +But from her childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled +by this love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them stayed +there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was shameful. Her +parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had always been their way of +living, and besides it brought them a little money. So the years went by. +When the children were grown and Sophie was out of the way, she might have +married even then, for she still had half her money left, and being +childless again, it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +_was_ too late, she said; it was the children's turn to marry now, +she said. + +"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said. + +"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know whether anyone +has asked her this year, but last year there was someone--one person--or +so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra didn't want to. If I could +only guess what she's waiting for." + +"Perhaps she's not waiting at all." + +"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she takes in +all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a public nuisance +of herself...." + +As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood Petra's +arithmetic much better. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have remained +behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes a dead man of +me in any case. + +To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that Nikolai is +going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate what it will cost +him, with drainage and everything: a bare two hundred _kroner_. Then +he could keep a horse. It would have been an act of charity to give him +this money in case his mother could not. He could have added another field +to his land then. + +"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the two hundred +_kroner_ he needs for fodder for a horse?" + +"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered. + +"That makes six." + +"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred _kroners_ lying about." + +"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?" + +A pause. Then: + +"He can break the ground himself." + +I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has his own +problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that each one of us +struggles for himself as though he had a hundred years to live. I once +knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a large farm, the produce of +which they sold. Both were well-to-do bachelors without heirs. But both +had diseased lungs, the younger brother's much worse than the elder's. In +the spring, the younger brother became permanently bedridden, but though +he approached his end, he still maintained an interest in everything that +went on at the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called +his brother in. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"Only someone to buy eggs." + +"What's the price per score now?" + +His brother told him. + +"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned. + +A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his sixty-seventh +year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody came to buy eggs, he +always gave him the smallest.... + +"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time breaking +his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his trade he'll earn +more!" + +"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy their chairs +and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper." + +"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?" + +"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just wants to be +a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he can do as he likes." + +"Well, what else could he do?" + +A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she says: + +"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the summer, both +at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time we had two Danes +living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you had a horse, you could +have driven us here,' they said to me." + +"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the bag!" + +"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and 'There are +high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in the fjord and fish +in the river; there are lots of things here, and there's a broad road +here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to them and heard it all, too. +'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we can't get away again unless we +walk.'" + +Just to say something, I asked her: + +"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?" + +"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the big mouth +replied. + +"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued: + +"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to get a +horse, wouldn't he?" + +"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied. + +"It's four hundred _kroner_." + +"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty." + +"But this land won't feed a horse!" + +"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy sacks of oats +on the headland." + +"That's eighteen _kroner_ a sack." + +"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first tourist." + +Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, and had +grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had she not put two +snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The money for coffee, for +the bed at night and waffles in the morning, had grown so dear to her that +she hid it away, watched it increase, and grew rich on it. She did not +produce like other peasant women, but no one can do everything at one +time, and Petra was a parasite. She did not want to live by earning +something; she wanted to live on the tourists who earned enough +themselves, and could afford to come. + +Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all works out as +it should--and it probably will. + + * * * * * + +It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, and I +harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is hard, I shall +walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I shall do. + +But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, who is +cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in Nikolai's workshop, +where there are many kinds of planes and saws and drills and lathes, and +there I fashion strange things. For the small boys of the neighboring +farm, I make a windmill that will really turn in the wind. It whirls and +rattles well, and I remember my own childhood when we called this +apparatus onomatopoeically a _windwhirr_. + +Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well as I can, +which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do I blame +anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of omnipotence? +For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods with my hands folded +on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a moment by an occasional +memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in surprise. Can this be an iron in +the fire? It is not, for it fades again, and I am left behind in a quiet +melancholy. + +But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled with a +heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and pictures rise in +my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones: + + We came from the meadow + and downy heather; + we came from friendship, + too-loo-loo-lay! + A star that watched + saw lips meet lips. + None else so dear, + so sweet as you. + + Those youthful days, + those happy days, + unmatched since then! + but what am I now? + The bees once swarmed, + the swan once played. + There's no play now, + yet too-loo-loo-lay! + +I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still resounding +within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at least. + +There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? The letter +is as follows: + + +Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you about +something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon as you come +back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say no. + +Yours, + +Ingeborg Torsen + +I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm going to +Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing myself in the +affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old uncle, that I can be +summoned hither and thither to give advice? Excuse me, but I am going to +assert myself and become quite inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I +have planned a big journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very +important to me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the +mind of man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at all +displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I am so +pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall soon see the +town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and its ships. + +But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's and got my +address? Or has she met Nikolai? + +I left at once. + + + + +XXXV + + +My landlady was surprised. + +"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your mail." + +"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a jewel." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my address to +someone." + +"No, indeed; I swear I haven't." + +"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're right, I am +happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early and walk down by the +shore." + +"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't wrong of +me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you arrived." + +"A lady? You sent a message just now?" + +"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome lady; she +might have been your daughter, you know." + +"Thank you." + +"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at once, because +she had to see you about something." + +The landlady left me. + +So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have happened. +She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, everything was neat +and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. There, she can have that chair; +I'd better light the other lamp, too. It might not be a bad idea to sit +down to my correspondence; that would make a good impression, and if I put +some letters in a small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a +little jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now.... + +Then she knocked and came in. + +I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely drew out a +chair for her. + +"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen to send me +a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little embarrassed about +it, but--" + +I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to pound. Why +should my heart be affected? + +"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, expectant and on +the defensive. + +"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She began to clasp +her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of her gloves projected +beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of great excitement. + +"Perhaps _now_ I've done something you'll approve of?" she said, +suddenly pulling off her glove. + +She had a ring on her finger. + +"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to understand more +later, and merely asked: + +"Are you engaged?" + +"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though her mouth +shook. + +I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, "Well, now, +well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed formally, and +said: "My heartiest congratulations!" + +"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the best thing +to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or rash or--well, +don't you?" + +"Oh, I don't know--" + +"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd tell you." + +I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I had only +risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to smoke. + +A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the minutes +passed and I saw she was distressed, I said: + +"Why did you want to tell me this?" + +"Yes--why did I?" + +"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the world again, +but--" + +"Yes, I expect so." + +She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; she had +been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. I rose, too. +An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good heavens, what could +I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, and at the same time looked +very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? But as she got up, I could see her +face better under her hat--I could see her hair--the hair that was +beginning to show silken and silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! +She was tall and handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her +great breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly dry-- + +"Miss Ingeborg!" + +It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand toward her +slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I don't know-- + +But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her eyes had +grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place again, as she walked +toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped me. + +"What's the matter?" she asked. + +"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me more." + +"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the universe. +Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, and you--well, of +course, you're busy with your extensive correspondence." + +"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the letters; +they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, probably from complete +strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; you owe me that much. Look, I +shan't even read the letters." + +And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire. + +"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, trying to +save them. + +"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me through the +post, and sorrows I do not seek." + +She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point of +touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught myself in +time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and sympathetically +as I could: + +"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for the best; +you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better." + +No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank into her +chair almost absently. + +"I'm not unhappy," she said. + +"Aren't you? So much the better!" + +I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain myself, +to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I talked to distract +her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I could hear it buzzing. +What could I say? A little of everything--a great deal, in fact: + +"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky man? Nice +of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very nice; thank you very +much. You see I've only just come home and I haven't slept much on the +journey. I was anxious to know--well, perhaps not anxious exactly--but +still--You know what such a homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I +hardly got any sleep. Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you +for coming, Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a +child; that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give you +advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can quite +safely--I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? Young, of +course. I am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss Ingeborg, in +your new condition. I mean, it will be so entirely different from what +you've been accustomed to, but God bless you, it will all turn out for +the best, I'm sure of that--" + +"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at me +apprehensively again. + +"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who is it? A +dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a schoolmaster perhaps, a +clever young schoolmaster--" + +She shook her head. + +"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--" + +"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly. + +"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry you on his +paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you for your +birthday?" + +But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the first +time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the wall, then at +another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop now, after having +spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and feeling profoundly excited +besides--heaven only knows why. + +"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could not see the +drift of this question, I merely looked at her. + +"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted. + +"Yes." + +"What is she like?" + +"Are you interested in her?" + +"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily. + +"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly engaged! What +the country was like? Well, there was a schoolmaster--you know, an old +bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he knew me, and put on the most +extraordinary airs the first day. And of course I returned the compliment +and said I had come exclusively to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why +should it be?' I said; 'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, +permanent churchman, chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I +attended his class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he +had an audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was riding +on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The man,' Peter +replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, Peter--maybe the man was +riding. Just like sin, like the devil riding us....'" + +But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me again. I +changed the subject clumsily: + +"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore Peak, for +instance. Josephine has been in town." + +"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head. + +"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever forget him. In +a certain number of years I shall be like him--perhaps not quite so old. +Then I shall be a child again with age. One day he came out, and went down +to the field. I saw him; he had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of +things, and I saw him lie down and eat the hay." + +She stared at me foolishly. + +"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before--possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had been +left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next tourist year." + +"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer me up, +because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps he's too good +for me; that's what his sister seems to think, anyhow, because she tried +to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, +I'm not unhappy, and that isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much +rather have him than anyone else--since I can't get the one I really +want." + +"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But the man you +want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that you didn't belong +with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I mean--" + +"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the place I'm +going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for anybody--at least I +can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how I'll manage. I wonder if +he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my very best; I've made up my mind +to that." + +"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. I can't +believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly in love, and +you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come through with flying +colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable and intelligent." + +"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she hesitated over +something, and seemed about to speak, then changed her mind again. At the +door, she stood with her back to me, pulling on her gloves, and said: + +"So you think I ought to do it?" + +I was taken aback by the question, and replied: + +"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?" + +"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can tell from +your manner that I've done the right thing." + +"Well, I don't know. I can't tell." + +I crossed the room to her. + +"Who is it?" + +"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good night." + +She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking at the +floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled helplessly +round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door and was gone. I +called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, and hurried after her. +An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened the street door. An empty +street. She must have run. + +"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought. + + * * * * * + +One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all the usual +places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go up to her home and +inquire about her. At first this did not seem to me too improper, but when +it came to the point, I hesitated. There is, after all, something to be +lost by making a fool of oneself. But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, +of course, but still-- + +A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; I hope +she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home and ring the +bell.... + +She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, last +week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai. + + * * * * * + +March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling how much +longer it may still last. That's what March is for. + +I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger entertainment at +the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my friend. You saw how +cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you even took part yourself, and +you carry about a broken rib as a cherished little memento of the +occasion. I saw it all from a slight distance away, ten miles, to be +exact; no people were near me, but there were seven heavens above. + +And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to say about +the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the harvest at the +theater--in dollars, and in sterling. + +The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. There he +goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all his glory. By +next year, he will have dragged other progressive people in his wake; he +will have dressed up Norway still more, and made it still more attractive +to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, and more sterling. + +What, do I hear someone objecting? + +Yes, Switzerland. + +Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her thus: +"Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can squeeze so much +profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at such clockwork? +Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want to rob you; there are no +pickpockets at this table. Here's to you!" + +But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves and fight. +There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and our rival--is +Switzerland. + + * * * * * + +Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room. + +"What, is it spring?" + +"Oh, it's getting on." + +"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should very much +have liked to stay, because this is really where I belong; but what more +can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. Do you understand me? I grieve +continually, and my heart sits wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is +spinning coins: I toss a coin into the air and wait. When I came here last +autumn I wasn't so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger +then, yet I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn." + +"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three weeks ago, +when you came back from the country, you were so happy!" + +"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so fast, and +nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, never mind; at all +events, I shall go away. I must travel when the spring comes. I have +always done so in the past, and I want to do the same thing now. Sit down, +Mrs. Henriksen." + +"No, thank you, I'm too busy." + +Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you were last +autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, don't you? Dear +Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit stockings for the +whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your family together like a +mother. But you mustn't let your little Louise sit for twelve years on a +school form. If you do, you'll hardly ever see her all through her youth, +those formative years of her life. And then she can't be like you or learn +from you. She'll learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn +to be a mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and +family together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is not +food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of continual famine +for her soul. + +"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?" + +"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go aboard a +steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I will go ashore. +If I find, on looking about me, that I have traveled too far or not far +enough, I shall board a ship again and sail on. Once I walked across into +Sweden as far as Kalmar and even Oeland, but that was too far, so I turned +back. No one cares to know where I am, least of all myself." + + + + +XXXVI + + +You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of two years. + +And now it is spring again.... + +It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for there is +music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the tightrope walker +is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every sort throng the +village. The crowds are great, and there is even a sprinkling of +Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and whinny, cows low, and +trading is brisk. + +In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great cow of +silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the local farmers +stop to admire. + +"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a laugh. + +"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh. + +"Why, do you want to buy her?" + +"No, haven't got fodder enough this year." + +A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of this +window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive back. He +stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no doubt, for now +and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure enough, entering the +shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he intends to buy the silver cow! + + +It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth is he +doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might as well go the +whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the goldsmith's window myself, +mingling with the other spectators, and watching the door. + +At last the man re-emerges--yes, it _is_ Nikolai. It was his back and +hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks splendid. Imagine +Carpenter Nikolai being here! + +We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and ponderously by +the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get on. Yes, of course, he +has gone into the shop on business, in a kind of way. + +"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?" + +"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In fact, I didn't +buy anything." + +By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells me that he +has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it into pasture, and his +wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she lives in health to this day. + +"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?" + +"Yes, I came last winter. In December." + +"What a pity I didn't know!" + +I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I was in a +hurry, there was some business-- + +"Yes, I understand," he said. + +We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. Besides, he had +other business to attend to; he cannot absent himself from the farm for +long, and had to return next day. + +"Have you bought your horse yet?" + +"Well, no, I haven't." + +"Do you think you will?" + +"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and twenty +_kroner_." + +Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to do a +great deal of business there. + +"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's spring, and +do I not always travel in the spring?" + +I began to pack my knapsack. + +Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had entered. I +opened my window and called to him to ask if he had bought the horse. + +"N-no--the man won't meet my price." + +"Well, can't you meet his?" + +"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got enough +money on me." + +"I could lend you some." + +At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer were a fairy +tale. + +"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away. + +"Where are you going now?" I asked. + +"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--" + +Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that at all. +He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter without +stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That was all. But as +I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped packing, nor would I ask +Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I went out for a walk in the +town. I had as much right to do that as anyone. + +I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to exchange a few +words. + +"Is it yours?" + +"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he replied with +a smile. + +We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the horse. She +was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat and an off-white +mane and tail--a perfect little lady. + +That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for a chat +about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was saying good-bye at +the door, he seemed struck by a sudden thought. + +"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but you could +get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there day after +tomorrow," he added. + +How could I offend him again? + +We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at the +frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack all the way, +as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested that we should share +the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I think Nikolai wanted to +spare the little tawny lady. + +At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and carefully rubbed +down the mare once more. As our path sloped downward, I felt a pressure, a +contraction in my chest; it was the sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the +matter, but it was nothing. + +On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the doorway a +woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the floor. It was +the Saturday cleaning day. + +"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping dead in his +tracks as he did so. + +The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it was she, +Miss Ingeborg, _Fru_ [Footnote: Mrs. (Translator's note.)] Ingeborg. + +"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of the floor. + +"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, laughing. +"That's her idea of fun!" + +And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of lightheartedness! Yet I +had seen how content he had been all the way home, how deeply content, and +proud of the little lady he was bringing with him. Even now he was still +stroking her. + +Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It all +seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little time, a +moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her time, too. + +"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim. + +Nikolai went on stroking the mare. + +"I've brought a visitor with me," he said. + +I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather overdid my +unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet hand, which she +hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite formal with her, and +shook her hand as I repeated my greeting. + +"Well, of all people!" she replied. + +I persisted in my formal attitude. + +"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm here." + +"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've just got +through the cleaning!" + +A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed since our +last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to admire the mare, +Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child calling from within the +house, and the young mother ran off. + +"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder. + +As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. There was too +much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the windows, numerous +pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the ceiling, underneath it in +the center of the room a round table and chairs, knickknacks in a china +cupboard, a pink-painted spinning wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the +room was crowded. This, no doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had +been used to and considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had +been a light and spacious room. + +"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai. + +As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him: + +"She's very well." + +I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained. + +"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg. + +It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a year old. He +frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon as he was on his +mother's arm, he looked at me without fear. + +How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, indeed, with +her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had not possessed before. + + +"What a fine little _man!_" I said, admiring the boy. + +"I should think he was!" said the mother. + + * * * * * + +You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; I can +speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the mistress of +this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her words nervously, as +though it had been a long time since she last opened her mouth. What we +talked about? Well, we neither asked nor answered questions about +measuring angles or analyzing Shakespeare's grammar. + +Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, amid +livestock and Saturday cleaning? + +Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first toddling steps in +a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with fully adult knowledge she +was lost. She had other things to think about now, her home and her family +and the farm. Of course there wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's +mother had taken half of it with her-- + +"Has Petra gone away?" + +Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay when the +young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had come to the +house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru Ingeborg would not. She +knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So there were quarrels between +the older woman and the young one. + +Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the barn. It was +true she was not very skillful, but she was learning all the time, and +enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked questions; that, she saw, +would have been foolish, but she worked things out by herself, and kept +her eyes open when she visited neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say +she could learn everything. There were things she never learned properly +because she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of the +country, though they must learn them in time. But they never learn them +well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. To set up a weave, +you must have grown up with the sound of the shuttle in your ears; to tend +the cattle as they should be tended, you must have helped your mother +since childhood. You can learn from others, but it will not be in your +blood. + +Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The young wife +is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who loves her in +return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife seems to him peerless +in all she does. Of course she has taken great pains; it has left its mark +on her, too, and she is not gray for nothing. A few months ago she lost a +front tooth, too--broke it on some bird shot left in the breast of a +ptarmigan she was eating. She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't +recognize herself. But what did it matter as long as Nikolai.... + +Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the goldsmith's at the +market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; but she would do anything +in the world for him, too. Imagine using some of the money for the horse +on a brooch! Where is he now, where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's +stroking the mare again. + +"Nikolai!" she called. + +"Yes," his reply came from the stable. + +She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; perhaps a +thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was suffused with +excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, outlining its +contours. She began gently to stroke her knee. + +"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something. + +"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you imagine +anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, but.... You know +he's not a year old yet. I never knew children were such a blessing." + +"Well, you see they are." + +"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly well, and you +contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. Children? Miracles! And +when you're old, they're the only happiness--the last happiness. I shall +have more; I shall have many of them, a whole row of them, like organ +pipes, each taller than the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't +lost my tooth; it leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about +it, on Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But I've +given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've gone on +much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my childhood, all my +youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at resorts, even as a grown +woman? I needed a holiday from my school work, a rest, and immediately +turned it into sheer futility, every day a disgrace. I could cry with +regret. I should have been married ten years ago, and had my husband all +that time, and a home and many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out +of ten years of my life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--" + +"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!" + +No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why should I make +myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough anyhow. I was sick with +fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to show her my teeth: "Here, +don't miss them, have a good look!" But I'm afraid she saw what a fool I +was making of myself; everything I did was wrong. + +Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can well afford +it: + +"What, you old? Nonsense!" + +"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly. + +"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a man came +riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's terribly stingy. +Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because ours is new and good. +They've built a house at the end of the valley, and take in +travelers--quite a big hotel, in fact, with the waitresses dressed in +national costume. Of course Nikolai and I both went to the wedding; Petra +really looked a charming and lovely bride. You mustn't think she and I are +still unfriendly; she likes me better now that I'm more competent, and +last summer they sent for me several times to interpret for some English +people and that sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food +and conveyance and tips in other languages! + +"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble with Petra +in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, the +schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to criticize in me, +so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But when she came here, she +was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it over me, showing off all her +knowledge. I was busy trying to learn what I needed to know for the life +up here, and then she came along and made me look small, talking about the +Seven Years' War all the time. She was terribly learned about the Seven +Years' War, because that's what she had in her examination. And our way of +talking wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks quite +well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of his has got to +put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to stay--for six months, +anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had to take a six months' holiday. +The baby's with Petra, with his grandmother, so he's well taken care of. +It's a boy, too, but he's hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. +Well, in a way, of course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up +her legacy and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she +comes home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I asked +her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. Anyhow, her +mother and I are quite reconciled. + +"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the horse. +Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. But we'll +manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all the furniture in +here himself, the table and china cupboard and everything; we haven't +bought a thing. He's dug up the new field himself, too. And we'll be +getting more cattle; you ought to see what a handsome heifer we've got.... + +"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a lot of +trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was enough to make you +sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to knit, too; I'd got one of +my neighbors to teach me, and I was knitting stockings for myself. But of +course Lady Sophie--well, she bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she +was charming. 'Get out!' I said to her. So they left." + +Nikolai entered the room. + +"Did you want me?" + +"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need something to +hang things on in front of the fire, a clotheshorse--come along--" + +I stayed behind, thinking: + +"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; living on her +nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid resolution she shows, and +how she's matured in these two years! But it has cost her a great deal, +too. + +"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!" + +At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who had once +tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How content Fru +Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! Life had changed so +much that such things were important to her; she grew heated again when +she mentioned it, and pulled at her fingers as she had done in her +schooldays. And why should she not be content? A small triumph now had the +rank of a bigger one in the old days. Proportions were changed, but her +satisfaction was no less. + +Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a steady hum. +Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best educated of them, +naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! She has extended her +self-discipline even to this, for they are all orthodox Christians in this +neighborhood. Believing? No, but not hostile, either. One reads Scripture. +Rather a clever ruse, that of the clotheshorse. + +She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. Delicious +broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should be, with barley, +carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has learned this at the domestic +science school. I consider all the things she has learned, and find them +numerous. Had she, perhaps, been a little overstrung in her talk about +children like organ pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a +mare's as she spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class +couples have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the night +separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a house of +fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during the day, when +their separate labors called them, but the night united them. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg! + + + + +XXXVII + + +Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved across to +Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really I ought to do +that.... + +Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's harnessed to a +neat cart that he has made himself and banded with iron. And now the lady +carts manure. The tiny farm with its few head of cattle doesn't yield too +much of this precious substance, so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws +the plow, and looks as though it were no more than the heavy train of a +ball dress behind her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and +neither has his wife. + +I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from every angle. +Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, exactly as though I knew +something about it. Rich, black soil--sheer perfection. + +I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and suddenly +turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and catkins and +peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here. + +And so the days wear on. + +I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like to stay +here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful and popular; I +shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell Nikolai that I must think of +moving on; this will not do.... And perhaps he will mention it.... + +"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it isn't the kind +of place--" + +"God bless you, Nikolai; it _is_ the kind of place, but--well, it's +spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I should have to be very +low before I gave that up. And besides, I expect you're both pretty tired +of me, at least your wife." + +This, too, I hoped he would mention. + +Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take the knapsack +out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So perhaps Nikolai +hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his mouth. So I placed the +knapsack on a chair in the middle of the room, all packed and ready, for +everyone to see that we're leaving. And I waited for the morning of the +next day, and this time the knapsack _was_ observed. No, it wasn't. +So I had to wait till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell +her then, pointing to what was in the middle of the room: + +"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today." + +"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said. + +"Why? Well, don't you think I should?" + +"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the cows will +be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have had more milk." + +That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her work. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it had done +already on several occasions, that she had grown very like Josephine at +Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of expression. Twelve +years of school had laid no foundations in her young mind, though it had +loosened much that was firm within her. But that did not matter, as long +as she kept a firm hold now. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will be bringing +back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know very well that I +ought to go with him, because then I could catch the mail packet next day +but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay my bill. While he is harnessing +the horse, I finish packing my bag. + +Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place than I am +again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are those bells I +hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They are going to pasture +for the first time this spring, so that they shall give more milk.... Here +comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. Yes, here is the knapsack.... + +"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?" + +"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses." + +"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I cannot sit in +the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. I must wait till +there is really something to sit on. A rock is good enough, but you can't +sit on a rock for very long in May." + +Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window. + +"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You know those +butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there weren't any. And +if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God himself--well, He hasn't +moved out yet; it's too early." + +Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy. + +We go outside together. + +"Nikolai, I'm not going." + +He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling good-humoredly. + +"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as though an +idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot iron. So I mustn't +disturb myself. I'm staying." + +"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as you like +being here...." + +And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare trotting +briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard with the boy on her +arm to watch the gamboling calves. + +And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am! + + * * * * * + +Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had accumulated in the +past few weeks. + +"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," said Fru +Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us. + +"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them unread." + +Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on the +letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, a moment's +miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a moment--then she +withdrew her hand and said: + +"Better read them." + +She was deeply flushed now. + +"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. Then she +found something to do at the stove, while she asked her husband about his +journey, about the road, whether the mare had behaved well--which she had. + + +A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should not have +mentioned it. + + * * * * * + +A few days later. + +The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the living room +is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking out. + +A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I could not see +his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai carrying something, so I +went back to my table to work again. + +A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living room. + +Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her ask in +loud, hostile tones: + +"What do you want?" + +"I've come to pay you a visit." + +"My husband isn't in--he's in the field." + +"Never mind." + +"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!" + +I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was gray--gray +with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the living room. + +The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was everywhere. Our +eyes met. + +"I think you were asked to leave?" I said. + +"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of half-Norwegian, +half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the farms buying up hides. +Have you got any?" + +"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely distracted, and +suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling on the stove: Perhaps +she was on the point of flinging it at him.... + +At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house. + +He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he took in +the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him coming to the farm? +He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and went on smiling--left his +smile standing. It looked horrible; he was quite white, and his mouth +seemed to have stiffened in a smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, +a sexual colleague, a stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he +went on smiling. + +"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the door. Nikolai +followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped Solem raise his burden +to his back. + +"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale of furs and +skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it on Solem's back, +swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with needless emphasis. Solem's +knees gave way under him, and he fell on his face. We heard a groan of +pain, for the paved yard was hard as the face of the mountain. Solem lay +still for a moment, then he rose to his feet. His face had struck the +ground in falling, and the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried +to hoist his burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He +began to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into the +woods. + +Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The heavy burden +hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked bad. + +Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state of +collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too! + +Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to talk, and by +asking her questions, I force her to collect herself. + +"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he is--I could +murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now he's getting it all +back, he's getting more than his own back--you'll see. He was the first; I +was all right till then, but he was the first. Not that it meant a great +deal to me; I don't want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same +to me. But afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in +its train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me alone; I +don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, is it?--Oh, +where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to him, do you? They'll +put him in prison. Please, run after them, stop him! He'll kill him--" + +"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does he, that +Solem has done anything to you?" + +She looked up at me then. + +"Are you asking on your own account?" + +"What do you mean?--I don't understand--" + +"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes you seem +as though you were trying to find me out. _No_, I _haven't_ told +my husband. You can think what you please about my honesty. I've only told +him part of it, just a little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's +been here once before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I +wouldn't have in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in +here!' And I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; +so now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him now +either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe you any +explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to tell you, +please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's anger, but of +his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as though nothing had +happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for me, because that's his +nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, too, and peasants don't take +these things so seriously. But if he did find excuses for me, he wouldn't +be much good, and I don't want him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd +rather be no good myself! Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each +other, but we need all of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we +want to be human beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our +children.... But you oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me +that?" + +"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't occur to +him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried about. I just +wanted to reassure you." + +"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish now I hadn't +told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept it to myself till I +died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly dishonest." + +"On the contrary." + +"Really? Don't you think that?" + +"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, entirely +true and right. And not only that--it's fine." + +"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again. + +"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the road as +good and placid as ever." + +"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to find with +him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to find something, +I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions sometimes--I mean he says some +words differently, but it was only his sister that put that into my head. +I must go out and meet him now." + +She began to look around for something to slip over her shoulders, but it +took her a few minutes because she was still quite shaken. Before she had +found anything, Nikolai trudged into the yard. + +"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have you?" + +Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied: + +"No, I just took him over to see his son." + +"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked. + +Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, and his +wife went with him across the field. + +Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child. + +How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress Sophie Palm +came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about the bandage on his +finger, the finger he never had time to get rid of--stout fellow! They +made each other's acquaintance then, and probably met again later in the +town. Solem was everywhere. + +The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, but they did +little to improve him. And so he met this woman who had learned nothing +but to teach.... + + * * * * * + +I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand anything any +more. + +But something has happened to me now. + +At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for wanting to +keep me here is simply that they need money; my board and rent are to pay +for the mare. That's all it amounts to. + +I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add without +being misunderstood that the brain withers before the heart. You can see +it in all grandparents. + +At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," I said, +"you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such that I began to +feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for the mare once and for +all and depart; I should have been more than pleased to do so. But I +should not have succeeded. Nikolai would have shaken his head as though it +were a fairy tale. Then I began to calculate that in fact there couldn't +be much to pay for the mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid +for.... + +Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. She seldom +sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and she needs rest. +She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, mends, and washes. Often +a lock of gray hair falls down on either side of her face, and she is so +busy that she lets it hang; it's too short to be fastened back with a pin. +But she looks charming and motherly, with her fine skin and her +well-shaped mouth; she and the child together are sheer beauty. Of course +I help to carry wood and water, but I make more work for her just the +same. When I think of that, I grow hot about the ears. + +But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me for my own +sake? I should not have had all these years too many then, and these +ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at last. + +In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and this--time +when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the child, her boy, +had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm because I showed him so +much that was strange. It was the child's instinct for the peerless +grandfather. + +At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm to help +with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with grief, I packed. +To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make my way down to the +steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange to relieve all of us of +the need for farewells and handshakes and _au revoirs_, believe me! + +But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid taking them +both by the hand and thanking them for their hospitality. That was all +that was necessary. I stood in the doorway with my knapsack already on my +back, smiling a little, and behaving splendidly. + +"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again." + +"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg. + +"Why not?" + +"But so suddenly?" + +"Didn't I tell you yesterday?" + +"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?" + +"No, thank you." + +The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and a coat +with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. Very well, +then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a moment, more than a +few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened and investigated, of +course. Then Nikolai entered the room. + +Fru Ingeborg said to me: + +"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here now--but we've +got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, she could easily +sleep in the loft." + +"But, my dear child, I must leave _some_ time--I have work to do, +too, you know." + +"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up. + +Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked him and +refused. + +They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy sitting +on his mother's arm. + +At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, of course, +not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no longer anyone +there. + + + + +XXXVIII + + +I have written this story for you. + +Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom before +every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all written the same +way. I had even the intention of writing in dialect, so as to be truly +Norwegian; but when I saw you understood the country's language also, I +gave up writing in dialect because, for one thing, it is becoming +obsolete. + +But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single framework? +My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations was written +during a plague, _because_ of a plague--this is my answer. And, my +friend, when you have lived for a long time away from the human beings you +know inside and out, then you indulge once more in the iniquity of speech; +your powers have been so little used that your head is filled with a +thousand sermons. This is my defense. + +If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my outspoken +passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, you will lick +your chops. But to others you will shake your head and say: "Think of his +writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar soul, retire into solitude and +try to understand that episode! It has cost me much to surrender it to +you. + +Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my irons? +Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of one who is half +a century old--he has no other kind. But the distinction between myself +and my brother travelers is that I freely admit: I have none but these. +They were planned so big and so red; yet they are small irons, and they +hardly glow. This is the truth. They congregate with the painstaking works +of others round the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth +even though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the modern +spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn. + +One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in "cultured +company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart heart with a +"lady." I have written about human beings. But within the speech that is +spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins under the skin, like a +story within a story. I have followed the septuagenarian of literature +step by step, and reported the progress of his disintegration. I should +have written this description long ago, but I had not years enough; only +now am I entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done +it while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am being +accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you will say, +"chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame enough for the +last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall be dead. And you? May +you live long; you deserve it. May you almost survive me--in the flesh. + +I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and colorless." +Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers of a new +renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is too late now. +Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire to do more, +mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant with the feet of +clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, small friend, look about +you: there has appeared, within even your field of vision, a figure here +and a figure there, a shining crest, lavish with its bounty, geniuses +beneath the open sky--you and I should bid them welcome. I walk in the +evening of life and, trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth +with jeweled eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you +begrudge them fame. Because you are nobody. + +To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this during a +plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; no, it is +unassailable now, it flourishes under national protection, +tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. Meanwhile I do what +I can to fight it; you do the reverse. + +Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why my voice +is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A worse thing +would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any danger of that? No, +my friend, not for you; you will live till you die, be assured. + +Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You refused to +be convinced of the truth and integrity of my conclusions; but I shall yet +force you to recognize that I am close to the truth. Not until then shall +I make allowance for the fool in you. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +***** This file should be named 8445.txt or 8445.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/4/4/8445/ + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Release Date: July, 2005 [EBook #8445] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on July 11, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + +KNUT HAMSUN + +Translated from the Norwegian +By PAULA WIKING + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + + + + +I + + +I have gone to the forest. + +Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about men's evil +ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must go to it. That is +all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a vagabond. I have money +enough and am overfed, stupefied with success and good fortune, if you +understand that. I have left the world as a sultan leaves rich food and +harems and flowers, and clothes himself in a hair shirt. + +Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean to roam +and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt would have +spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved their praise, and +they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went into the forest. For then +did I comprehend the truth, that my speech must needs be dishonest or +foolish.... But I said nothing of the kind; I simply went to the forest. + + * * * * * + +You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The snowflakes drift +down just as they do in the city, and the birds and beasts scurry about +from morning till night, and from night till morning. I could send solemn +stories from this place, but I do not. I have sought the forest for +solitude and for the sake of my great irons; for I have great irons which +lie within me and grow red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose +I were to meet a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself: + +"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!" + +But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a comforting +lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast. + +You say nothing happens here? + +One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they behaved as +people do. "_Boris!_" they said to each other and smiled. But +immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow and were gone from +my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, I thought, "You'd better +see to them; they may be smothered in the snow." But then they got up and +went their separate ways. + +In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting as that. + + * * * * * + +Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must crawl on +my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago and used it, for +lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in hiding, a man who concealed +himself here for a few autumn days. There are two of us in the hut, that +is if you regard Madame as a person; otherwise there is only one. Madame +is a mouse I live with, to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats +everything I put aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she +sits watching me. + +When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which Madame by all +means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh pine twigs, as is +fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary crockery. And I have a +sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool inside. I keep a fire burning in +the fireplace all night, and my shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh +resin in the morning. When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with +clean snow, and hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water. + +Is this a life worth living? + +There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not understand. +Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished it with vanities, +with pictures and books; but you have a wife and a servant and a hundred +expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep pace with the world and are never +at peace. I have peace. You are welcome to your intellectual pastimes and +books and art and newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky +that only makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask +me intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, for +example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly men are mere +specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser than I. But if you +should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, then I know quite as much +in this matter, too, and reply thus: Eternity is merely unborn time, +nothing but unborn time. + +My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my pocket and +reflect the sun on your face, my friend. + +You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are weary, +exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as you go out into +the street; the morning has dawned too early on your blinking eyes. I rise +at five quite refreshed. It is still dark outdoors, yet there is enough to +look at--the moon, the stars, the clouds, and the weather portents for the +day. I prophesy the weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds +whistle? Is the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and +long? These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more. + +Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, the stars +fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow flies over the +woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut or she will be +devoured. + +But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great rocks +take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from another +world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn up looks like a +witch petrified in the act of performing strange rites. + +Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a solitary +reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it high in a tree +to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the tracks of the reindeer +into the forest. It has jogged along without haste, but toward a definite +goal--straight east to meet the day. By the banks of the Skiel, which is +so rapid that its waters never freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, +to scrape the hillside for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on. + +And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are short; at +two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep twilight, with the good, +still night approaching. Then I begin to cook. I have a great deal of meat +stored in three pure-white drifts of snow. In fact I have something even +better: eight fat cheeses of reindeer milk, to eat with butter and +crisp-bread. + +While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I fall +asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, the food is +cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and resin. Madame darts back +and forth across the floor and at length gets her share. I eat, and light +my cutty-pipe. + +The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no unpleasantness. +In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only adult, roaming man; +this makes me bigger and more important, God's kin. And I believe the +red-hot irons within me are progressing well, for God does great things +for his kin. + +I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by the +river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the trees it has +nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, leaving their marks; +there an osier bed has forced it to turn aside; but just beyond, it has +straightened its path and continued east once more. All this I think of. + +And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with another +newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age insurance? + + + + +II + + +On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my time. Perhaps +I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling him I am well, and +hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot post the letters, and they +grow older every day. Not that it matters. I have tied the letters to a +string that hangs from the ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them. + + +One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; his +clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a laboring man. He +carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in it. + +"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the woods." + +"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His manner was +at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the sack without +humility. + +"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a man." + +"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving soon?" + +"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn. + +Then he looked at me. + +"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. "But I don't +intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I leave." + +I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my speech. + +But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his assurance. +Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him than he knew about +me. + +When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said: + +"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your floor." + +Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing his sack +with him, crawled in. + +"I could give you some coffee," I said. + +"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his face and +panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all night." + +"Are you crossing the fjeld?" + +"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a winter day on +the other side, either." + +I gave him coffee. + +"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A round of +crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me." + +"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help yourself." + +"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the man as he +ate. + +"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. "I'll pay +you for it." + +"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid that's +impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's work in +Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't." + +"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now there +without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a few +coppers." + +I felt his sack and said: + +"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?" + +"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the sack +closer to him. + +"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, jesting again. + +"I don't care what you are," he muttered. + +The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to the +woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. He was a +very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my fire, with +dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; probably he had +stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that he was quick in much +small knowledge that life had taught him. He complained that his heels +felt cold, and took off his boots. And no wonder he felt cold, for where +the heels of his stockings should have been there were only great holes. +He borrowed a knife to cut away the ragged edges, and then drew on the +stockings again back to front, so that the torn soles came over his +instep. When he had put on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice +and warm." + +He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their hooks to +inspect them, he put them back again where he had found them. When he +examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the addresses, he did not let +them go carelessly, leaving them to swing back and forth, but held the +string so that it hung motionless. I had no reason to complain about him. + +He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he said: + +"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?" + +He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move Madame's straw +to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay on our twigs, burning +resin and talking. + +He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though to +postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he went to +the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, turning his head +back, he asked: + +"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?" + +"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it looks like +snow; the smoke is blowing down." + +It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had better leave +that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay there, I stretched, +so that my hand accidentally touched his sack again. + +"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my grasp. "Don't +you touch that sack, or I'll show you!" + +I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention of stealing +anything from him. + +"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you go +thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the man, and +began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three pairs of new +mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag of barley, a side of +bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few large lumps of sugar candy. In +the bottom of the bag was perhaps half a bushel of coffee beans. + +No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception of a heap +of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen elsewhere. + +"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said. + +"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," the man +replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and walking, don't +I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to listen to you!" + +Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each article in +its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco round the bacon, +to protect the cloth from grease stains. + +"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. "I'll +let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way." + +"How much do you want for it?" I asked. + +"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he said to +himself as he spread it out. + +I said to the man: + +"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and the world +and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. Tell me something: +are you afraid your footprints will be visible tomorrow if there's fresh +snow tonight?" + +"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know many paths," +he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few crowns." + +I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and put it back +in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him. + +"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces won't be so +large, and I'll be able to sell it." + +"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I said, "and +cut up the rest for trousers." + +"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right." + +We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's suit, and took +down the string from which the letters hung to measure our own clothes, so +as to be sure to get the measurements right. Then we cut into the edge of +the cloth, and tore it across. In addition to one complete suit, there was +enough left for two good-sized pairs of trousers. + +Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, and I bought +some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the money away in a leather +purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, and the circumstantial and +poverty-stricken fashion in which he put the money away, afterward feeling +the outside of his pocket. + +"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't need any +more than that." + +"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain." + +It was quite decent of him. + +While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine needles +out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little theft. Stealing +because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length of cloth which he was +trying to sell in the forest! Theft has indeed ceased to be a matter of +great moment. This is because legal punishment for misdemeanors of all +kinds has also ceased to be of great moment. It is only a dull, human +punishment; the religious element has been removed from the law, and a +local magistrate is no longer a man of mystic power. + +I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the meaning of the +oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to the bone to hear him. +We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth Book of Moses, and the sin +against the Holy Ghost, and signing your name in the blood of a newly +baptized child! Steal a sack of money and silver treasure, if you like, +and hide the sack in the hills where on autumn evenings a blue flame will +hover over the spot. But don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and +a side of household bacon! + +The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he crawled +out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco I had bought I +put back into the sack, for I did not need them. When he returned, he +said: + +"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if you don't +mind." + +In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to contribute any +of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him some dry bread to eat +with it. + +"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said. + +Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon well down so +that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this he took off his +leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop to carry over one +shoulder. + +"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, I'll find it +easier to carry," he said. + +I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and he stowed +them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket afterward; I also +gave him a special envelope in which to keep the money for the stamps, and +tied it to the neck of the sack. + +"Where do you live?" I asked him. + +"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm sorry to say +I have a wife and children--no use denying it." + +"How many children have you?" + +"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's something wrong +with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. My wife's ill, and a few +days ago she thought she was dying and wanted Communion." + +A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was telling me +a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the village, no +Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with such a large and sick +family. This, no doubt, was his meaning. + +Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse! + +I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a ballad or +a song, since we had nothing else to do. + +"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a hymn." + +"All right; sing a hymn, then." + +"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--" + +His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and went out. + +"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. "This +is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall come within my +walls again." + +I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no more truck +with men. + +"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, Madame, I +undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!" + +Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack. + +"I thought you'd gone," I said. + +"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, and I say +good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. You shouldn't +sneer at me, you know." + +"What have you done with the sack?" + +"I've carried it part of the way." + +His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a burden on +one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies about his poverty, I +said: + +"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, for that +matter?" + +"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a barrel +easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the floor last +Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?" + +We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a moment he had +chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and splendid; I could see his +jaw working. + +"It's nothing," I said. + +Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was gone for +a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he said: + +"It's nothing." + +We lay down for the night. + +"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. I fell +asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during the night +restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with you!" I heard him +mutter as he crawled out of the hut. + +In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a lively +fire of crackling pine in the hut. + +Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow. + + + + +III + + +There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully with +oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe, and to +think idly and slowly as one does it. + +There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm crushing +the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my sleeping bag well in +the snow and get the wool white again. There is nothing in this of +literature or great novels or public opinion; does it matter? But then I +haven't been toiling just to get this coffee into my life. Literature? +When Rome ruled the world, she was no more than Greece's apprentice in +literature. Yet Rome ruled the world. Let us look too at another country +we know: it fought a war of independence the glory of which still shines, +and it brought forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it +had no literature, and has none today.... + +Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the moss and +the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The stump of a fir +tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my familiarity with it grow, and +sometimes I stand there loving it, for there is something in it that moves +my soul. The bark is badly broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree +must have been crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put +myself in its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the mastodons. + +No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there are many +amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a fir. Yet in your +heart, you know that I am superior to you in this as in everything else, +with the single exception that I have not your conventional +accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. About the forest and the +earth you can teach me nothing, for here I feel what no man else has felt. + +Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly this may +happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose myself outside my +very door, like the children of the city. I am twelve miles out, far up +the opposite bank of the Skjel River, before I begin to get lost, and then +only on a sunless day, with perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no +north or south in the sky. Then you must know the special marks of this +kind of tree and that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous +trees, the moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those that +are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the leaves. From all +these things while there is daylight I can find my way. + +But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to get home +till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to myself. And I +roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is a crag standing with +its back to the wind. Here I collect a few armfuls of pine needles, button +my jacket tight, and take a long time to settle. No one who has not tried +it knows anything of the fine pleasure that streams through the soul as +one sits in a snug shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the +time, but the tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I +put some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. The +snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to find a +shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in over me and +form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am quite safe, and may +sleep or wake as I please; there will be no danger of freezing my feet. + + * * * * * + +Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of them called +to me: + +"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?" + +I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question was too +stupid. + +"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I _seen_ a +man go by?" + +So much for him! + +"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you in the +name of the law." + +"Oh." + +I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my hut. + +The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said: + +"Did you _see_ a man pass by here yesterday?" + +"No," I said. + +They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they left the +hut and returned to the village. + +I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of his duties, +how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses for the capture and +transport of the criminal; there will be honor in having carried out the +deed. All mankind should adopt this man because he is its son, created in +its image! Where are the irons? He would rattle the links a little and +lift them on his arm like the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his +terrifying power to put people in irons ... I feel nothing. + +And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They instantly +miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the police. + +From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies still too +near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the frost has gone +out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I have chosen a spot in +the forest which I think I shall like. It is twenty-four miles from the +village and eighteen across the fjeld. + + + + +IV + + +Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some days in +succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying good morning +and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man I imagined beside +me, we carried on a long, intelligent conversation, but if it was a woman, +I was polite: "Let me carry your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the +Lapp's daughter I seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and +offered to carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her +skin; tut, tut. + +Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will not build +that peat hut still further away from them. + +The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in the winter I +suffered privation and learned much in order to master myself. It has +taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it cannot be denied that I am +paying for my education rather dearly. Sometimes I have been needlessly +stern with myself. + +"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it doesn't +interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for twelve hours, it +will mean something to you," I said, and hid the bread away. + +That was in the winter. + +Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great that I could +do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of the forest. But even +in the heart of the forest no man dares speak aloud without looking round; +rather, he walks in silence. For a time you console yourself that it's +typically English to be silent, it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you +find this has gone too far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and +suddenly to shout nonsense. + +"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!" + +Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a quarter of a +mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a slap. If only you had +kept your regal silence! One day the postman who crosses the fjeld once a +month came on me just as I had shouted. + +"What?" he called from the wood. + +"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a trap." + +But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the spring that +causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no longer fear a shout +more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and pans as I cook, and I sing +at the top of my voice. It is spring. + +Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry woods. +They have a different expression now; they have gone gray and bedraggled, +and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and diminished it. There are +catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the underbrush, looking like letters +of the alphabet piled in a heap. The moon rises, the stars break forth. I +am cold and shiver a little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and +prefer to shiver as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so +foolish, but went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is +the spring. + +The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. There is a +great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, teeming worlds, so +tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling bell; as I look at them, I +can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, certainly I am being drawn more and +more toward the grassy slopes of spring. + + + + +V + + +I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my back, and +leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame." + +That was the end. + +I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of sadness--as I +always do on leaving a place that has been my home for some time. But all +the world stands outside calling to me. Indeed I am like all lovers of the +woods and fields; wordlessly we had agreed to meet, and as I sat there +last night, I felt my eyes being drawn to the door. + +Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up from the +chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave back. + +The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue haze over the +forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful piratical coast in the +sky before me. The mountains are all on my left. + +After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I press on +swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" as it swishes; +whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give myself food. + +No, you have not my pleasures in the town. + +I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of living, and +nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my back had no weight, +taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself a little; but an +overexertion to which one is driven by inner content is easy to bear. In +my solitude, many miles from men and houses, I am in a childishly happy +and carefree state of mind, which you are incapable of understanding +unless someone explains it to you. I play a little game with myself, +pretending to have discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay +little attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and gaze. + + +"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--" + +I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod sagely, +saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. And I take out +my notebook and describe it. + +Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. Children have +done it before me. And here comes no postman to surprise me. As suddenly +as I have begun the game, I end it again, as children do. But for a moment +I was transported back to the dear, foolish bliss of childhood. + +Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that made me +playful and happy! + +Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I reach the +Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but kindness, a Lapp +hut contains little that is interesting. There are spoons and knives of +bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin lamp hangs from the roof. The +Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who can neither tell fortunes nor +conjure. His daughter has gone across the field; she has learned to read, +but not to write, at the village school. The two old people, husband and +wife, are fools. The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I +ask them a question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I +am not a Lapp, and so they distrust me. + +All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a while. In +the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a few degrees of +frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and silent above the earth. + +Heigh-ho--what untuned strings! + + But where are the birds all gone away, + and what kind of place is this? + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs, + in this world that is dead, no event occurs; + I stand in a silvermine. + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss + a homely, well-known outline. + + And so he came to a silver wood-- + thus ran an ancient tale. + Here rests a song of shimmering fire + as though it were sung by a starry choir. + And swift in my youth, I leap + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male, + and awaken a maid from her sleep. + + Today I smile at childish tales, + old age has made me wise. + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod, + now by age my foot is heavily shod; + yet my heart--my heart would fly. + I am driven by fire and bound by ice, + no rest nor repose have I. + + A shuddering chill falls on the night, + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold. + There passed a great gust through the silver lace + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace + on paws that are soundless and still. + It may be a god on his evening stroll. + The roots of the forest thrill. + +When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, and sat +eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, conceived in a +snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. "_Boris_!" they said and +fell on their noses. + +She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop in the +village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she pushed the cups +and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday jacket with pretty +strips of the cloth. All the while she never spoke a word, because a +stranger was in the room. + +"You know me, Olga, don't you?" + +"Mm." + +"But you look so angry." + +"M-no." + +"How's the snow track across the fjeld?" + +"All right." + +I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, and asked: + +"How far is it to your old hut?" + +"Not far," said Olga. + +Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not smile at +me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her vanity and sewing +wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no doubt, she will wear it to +church and meet the man whose eyes it is meant to gladden. + +I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, these human +grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon and the moon was +bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a further supply of reindeer +cheese and whatever other food I could get, I left the hut. But what a +surprise: the bright moonlight was gone, and the sky was overcast; there +was no frost, only mild weather and wet woods. It was spring. + +When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why should I +listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into the woods to +direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, her feathers ruffled +like a hen's. + + + + +VI + + +It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I found myself +high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the path. What is that dark +shape there? A mountain peak. And that over there? Another peak. Let us +pitch camp on the spot, then. + +There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. I sat in +the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and many +experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it is, too, to +have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the open! + +During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me under my +crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, that a sound +still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or sung in my sleep. +Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to look about me. It was +dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky was paler than the ring of +mountains round me; I lay in the center of a city of peaks, at the foot of +a great cliff, huge to the point of deformity. The wind began to blow, and +suddenly there was a booming in the distance. Then came a streak of +lightning, and immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic +avalanche between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran through +me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt before, and I gave +it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and humorous abandon. Many a +thought ran through my mind, witticisms alternating with moments of such +great sorrow that I lay sighing deeply. The lightning and thunder came +closer, and it began to rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were +overpowering; all nature was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to +conquer the night by shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of +my strength and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are +sheer incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? But I +nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. Perhaps after all +they are only stuffed mountains. + +More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as though the +near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred times through me. +Never mind. I have read about many battles and been in a rain of bullets +before this. Yet in a moment of sadness and humility in the presence of +the powers about me, I weep and think: + +"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing already?" + +And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives. + +A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped over my +very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the sleeping bag +and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was lightning and more +thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not listened to Olga's advice and +remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps whose magic powers are doing this? +The Lapps? Those human mites, those mountain dwarfs! What is all this +noise to me? I made a feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, +for I was among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with +the thunder. + +I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand shouting +and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him with milk-blue +eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a mountain would be so hard. +But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; did you think I should waste my +good brain chasing such rainbows? You lie. Here I lean against the whole +world, and you, perhaps, believe the blue of my eyes.... + +At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it happened to +me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of my jacket. The +lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to the ground. I felt a +sensation of heat, and saw that the ground farther down the mountain was +struck a loud blow and then split. A great oppression held me down; a +spear of darkness shot through me. And then it thundered beyond all +measure, not long and rumbling, but firm and clear and rattling. + +The storm passed on. + + + + +VII + + +Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, struck by +lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, as after a +punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck made me +overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting the ground, and I +avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I was not even out of +temper when I had to retrace my steps across the fjeld to find my way +again to the hut. I had time; there was no hurry. I was the first tourist +of the spring season, and far too early. + +So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at night +verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had become a real +poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes had taken place +within me since the winter, when I had desired nothing but to lie blinking +my eyes and be left in peace. + +One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut and walked +about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been thinking of writing +some children's verses, addressed to a certain little girl, but nothing +had come of it. Now as I walked on the mountainside, I felt again a desire +for this pastime, and worked at it on several occasions, but could not get +it into shape. The night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time +when such things come to one. + +So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good store of +food. There were many people in this district, and it did me good to hear +human speech and laughter again; but there was no place here where I could +stay, and in any case I had come too early. I had much to carry on my way +home to my hut again. About halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a +vagabond, whose name was Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son +of a telegraph operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation +before. + +That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass with my +burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, "I shouldn't +have run over you in any case, ha, ha!" + +He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I told him +it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned away. I thought +that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he carried nothing that +looked like provisions, I offered him some of mine in order to make him +talk a little. He thanked me and accepted. + +He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in his +twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the swaggering +fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping from under the peak +of his cap; but he wore no beard. This full-grown man still shaved without +growing tired of doing so, and this, together with his fringe of hair and +his general manner, gave me the impression that he wished to seem younger +than he was. + +We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful mood, and +since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a laughing iron +mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was only one thing: I had +been silent for so long that I talked now perhaps too readily; and if it +happened that both this boy Solem and I spoke at once, he would stop +immediately to let me have my say. When this had happened several times, I +grew tired of winning, and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and +say: "Go ahead." + +I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange trees, and +writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a hut, but that today I +had finished my stock of provisions and had had to go to the village. When +he heard about the hut, he stopped chewing, and sat as though he were +listening; then he said hastily: "Yes, in a way I know these telegraph +poles across the mountains very well. Not these particular poles, but +others. I was a linesman till not long ago." + +"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I added. + +He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to put him in +the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and rested, and found +my crisp-bread there. + +"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he said. + +We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, nor did he +dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to such an extent that I +valued his good behavior. + +He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude for the +food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the stranger +returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a note on the +table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an extremely ill-mannered +epistle, full of obscene expressions. When Solem saw what I was reading, +his iron face broke into a smile. I pretended not to understand the note +and threw it back on the table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds. + +"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of doing that +sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here." + +Soon after this he went out. + +He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying me by +washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other ways. There +was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the Lapps lived there-- +which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but Solem stopped the cracks with +bacon fat and boiled my clothes in it. It was very funny to watch him +imperturbably skimming off the fat that floated up. + +He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions again, and +then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I was going the other +way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the great peaks of the Tore, +where summer visitors stayed and many travelers passed, he wanted to go +there, too. He was a bird of passage. + +"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm used to farm +work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there." + + + + +VIII + + +The bustle of spring season had already started at the great farm; men and +animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing the whole day long, and +the goats had long since been let out to pasture. + +It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had cleared +an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart from that, all +the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new houses had been built +here as the traffic over the fjelds increased, and gargoyles, homelike and +Norwegian, sat on the gable ends, while the sound of a piano came from the +living-room. Do you know the place? You have been here, and the people of +the farm have asked after you. + +Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from solitude. I +speak to the young people who own the homestead now, and to the husband's +old father and young sister Josephine. The old man leaves his room to look +at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps ninety; his eyes are worn and +half-crazed, and his figure has shrunk to nothing. He toils with both +hands to drag himself into the day, and each time it is as though he left +his mother's womb anew and found a world before him: + +"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as he gazes +at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at them, too, and +thinks: + +"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a doorway...." + +And he stands still a long time staring at it. + +But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and plays the +piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the garden, her feet are +like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is to the visitors! Surely she +has seen us coming a long way off, Solem and myself, and sat down to play +the piano. She has gray, pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm +an old observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion. + +It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. But she is +only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. Ordinarily she has +no time for such work, for she is too busy at her indoor tasks, waiting at +table and watering the flowers and chatting with me about who climbed the +Tore Peak last summer, and who did it the summer before that. These are +Josephine's tasks. + +Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while watching Solem, +who has been put to carting manure, then drift on down through the wood to +the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, barns with room for two cows +and a couple of goats in each, half-naked children playing homemade games +outside the barns, quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places +cart manure on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on +the ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the houses, +but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know the life of +labor, and well do I like it. + +It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads were tiny +but the fences surrounding the land included a good section of forest. +When the ground was cleared all the way to the fence, this would be a farm +with five cows and a horse. Good luck! + +The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting away, +green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break out in the +woods. My original intention to make great irons hot within me is +unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I must be an incredible +fool. I do not even know with any certainty if there are irons in me +still, or whether I can shape them if there are. Since the winter, life +has made me lonely and small; I idle and loiter here, remembering that +once things were different. Now that I have reached daylight and men +again, I begin to understand all this. I was a different person once. The +wave has its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had +I. Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me. + +What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to mourn. Life +is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At times I have had gold +and silver and copper and iron and other small metals; it was a great +delight to live in the world, much greater than an endless life away from +the world; but pleasure cannot last. I know of no one who has not been +through the same thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they +have declined! But they themselves have said: + +"See how everything is better!" + +At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a vegetating +existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And the irons were no +longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by heaven, how stubbornly +Simplicity insisted the irons were there, insisted that they were red. + +"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!" + +As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another twenty years +from one who has already begun to perish! I have no use for such a way of +thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with your cheerful mediocrity and +school education. A one-armed man can still walk; a one-legged man can lie +down. Has the forest taught you nothing, then? What have I learned in the +forest? _That young trees grow there_. + +In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, barbarously +scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by stupidity and +degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know nothing more +despicable than your school education and your school-education standards. +Whether you have a catechism or a compass by which to guide your life is +all the same; come here, my friend, and I will give you a compass made of +my latest iron. + + + + +IX + + +A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master of the +house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for Solem, why, he, +too, went with him so that he might know the way for later tourists. We +found the fat, short, and thin-haired stranger standing in the yard, an +elderly, well-to-do man who walked for the sake of his health and the last +twenty years of his life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze +beneath her skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and +its earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he brought +out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, young-girl's +fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was given two crowns for +acting as guide, and that was good pay. All went so well that the master +himself was content. + +"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us in peace," +he added. + +By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he and his +household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor road would be +opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a question whether the +tourist traffic might not be deflected there. His wife and Josephine were +a little afraid it would be; but he himself had held as long as possible +to the opinion that all their regular visitors who had come again year +after year would remain faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars +they might have in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore +range anywhere but here. + +The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he had much +timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built into new cottages, +with six new guestrooms, a great hall with reindeer horns and log chairs, +and a bathroom. But what was the matter with him today; was he beginning +to doubt? "If only they would leave us in peace," he said. + +A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a cottage to +herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and fashionable, this +Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. She was a charming lady, +and her little daughters were well-grown, handsome children. They curtsied +to me, making me feel, I don't know why, as though they were giving me +flowers. A strange feeling. + +Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for the +summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would stay a week. +Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen and Palm, and still +later Associate Schoolmaster Hoey and several others--tradesmen, telephone +operators, a few people from Bergen, one or two Danes. There were many of +us at table now, and the talk was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was +asked if he wanted more soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no +more!" and then rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct +thing to say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient guests +there were few or none at all, and it was really on these that the house +would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single meals, on cups of coffee. +Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, and her young fingers grew more +greedy as they counted silver coins. + +Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of the guests +were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others praised both the +food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress Torsen wanted to leave. +She was tall and handsome and wore a red hat on her dark hair; but there +were no suitable young men here, and in the long run it was a bore to +waste her holidays so completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both +Africa and America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing. + +"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us. + +"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered. + +They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to the woods +together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt did not amount +to much either; he was short and freckled, and talked of nothing but money +and trade. Besides, he had only a small shop in the town, and dealt in +tobacco and fruit. No, he did not amount to much. + +One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss Torsen. She +was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and reserved, but sometimes +talkative, lively, and perhaps a little inconsiderate, too. We sat in the +living room, with people coming and going continually, but she did not let +that disturb her, and talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she +sometimes clasped her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we +had been sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said: + +"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?" + +She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she turned away +and went on talking, looking very proud and determined as she did so. No +doubt she had many good qualities; she was twenty-seven, she said, and +sick and tired of a teacher's life. + +But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first place? + +"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The girls next +door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to study languages, +as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded so fine. We were going to +be independent and earn a lot of money. That's what I thought! Have a +home, however small, that was quite my own. How we slogged away all +through school! Some of the girls had money, but those of us who were poor +couldn't dress like them, and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And +so we came to avoid all work at home for the sake of our hands. + +"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them such fine +gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, of course, but +he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave us banknotes--me, +anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was Flaten; his father was a +merchant. Of course, he being so handsome and dashing, we wanted to be +nice to him too. I should have done anything he asked; I used to pray to +God for him. + +"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and pretty. That +was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and mending fell to the +lot of my mother and sisters; we students wouldn't do anything but sit +round being very learned and getting seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as +I don't mind admitting. It was in the course of those years that we +acquired all the distorted ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew +dull with school wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy +about our sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on +our examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the family. + +"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at forty +_kroner_ a month. Because now there was no longer anything in the +least extraordinary about us students--we were no rarity, there were +hundreds of us--forty _kroner_ was the most they gave us. Thirty went +to Father and Mother for our keep, and ten for ourselves. It wasn't +enough. We had to have pretty clothes for the office, and we were young, +we liked to walk out; but everything was too dear for us, we went into +debt, and some of us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow +school life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before any +experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and with such +antecedents, of course, there was first-rate mismanagement in the home; +others disappeared to America. But probably all of them are still boasting +their languages and their examinations. It's all they have left--not +happiness or health or innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!" + +"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good salaries?" + +"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over again. As +though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't sacrificed enough +for our sakes already! There was cramming again for long periods, and then +we began life in the schoolroom--to give to others the same unnatural +upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, yes, ours was a noble vocation; it +was almost like being missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like +to talk about something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please." + +Tradesman Batt opened the door and said: + +"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now." + +"Oh, leave me alone," she replied. + +Tradesman Batt withdrew. + +"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked. + +"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of the +window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such liberties." + +How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed! + +Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that Miss Torsen +had recently lost her post at the school, where indulgence had been +exercised for a long time toward her eccentric methods of teaching. + +So that was it. + +But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true. + + + + +X + + +The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here owes a huge +debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, valuable plots of +land to his cotters. I am finding out many things now. Mrs. Brede with the +handsome, well-modeled head knows something about everything, for her many +summers at the farm have given her knowledge. When she talks about +conditions here, she need not grope for words. + +The master has taken a large mortgage. + +No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new buildings and +flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the red-painted well house--all +give an impression of great prosperity. The rooms, too, make a good +impression. I shall not speak of the piano, but here are pictures on the +walls and photographs of the farm seen from all angles; good newspapers +are kept and there is a selection of novels on the tables; though guests +sometimes take books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a +thing like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the background. In +short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is a fortune here. And +why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort for tourists and +pensioners? + +Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its interior and +exterior furnishings costs more than the business is worth. Manufacturer +Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is why Mrs. Brede comes here +every year with her children, to get their dividends in board and lodging. + + +No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own house. + +"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. "Travelers stopped +here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it cost nothing to run the +place then. But the tourist traffic has forced him to make improvements +and enlargements. You have to keep pace with development, and be as good +as other such places in the country; they're all competing. And probably +the master here is not the right man to carry on such an irregular and +capricious business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets +the farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the farm +from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end with the +cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, Paul's." + +"How can the cotters get power to do that?" + +"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest with three +or four goats each, first one of them, then the other one, working down in +the village and coming home with food and money, and all the time clearing +their own ground. The goats grew more numerous, a cow was added, they +bought more virgin land, and they acquired still more livestock. They +sowed grain and planted potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner +here buys root vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with +such things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says it's not +worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring enough men to run +the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the spring season that the +tourists start coming, and then the men are constantly being interrupted +in their work on the farm to pilot tourists across the fjeld, or to do +this or that for the guests. And this goes on all through the short summer +months; for several years, they haven't even found the time to spread all +their manure. But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists +are all rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my husband +says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's outlying +fields." + +On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told me with a +shake of the head that she herself knew very little about it, and had all +her information from her husband. The fact was that every time these +cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from Paul, her husband had to +give his consent. This was because of the mortgage, and this, too, was how +they had learned of these matters. Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of +fact, was most anxious to be released from his undertaking, but this was +by no means easy. It was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the +new automobile route. + +Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with her little +girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. One day, for +example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs broken, and all the +guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and bandages for the wound; but +Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she was, experienced, wise, and a little +surprised at all the excitement. + +"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter it." + +The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two little girls +were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in important business, for +he spent a large part of the year in Iceland, and traveled a good deal +elsewhere as well. This, too, the lady bore quietly. And yet she was still +young and handsome, a little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a +lovely, unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark. + +But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One evening +when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do her a service, I +saw that her face was strange and covered with blushes. Would Solem come +to her room and repair a window-blind that had fallen down? It was late in +the evening, and the lady seemed to have been in bed already, and to have +risen again. Solem did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, +and clung for a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come.... + +What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was! + +Mrs. Brede departed. + +But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her mind. +Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position herself. + + + + +XI + + +An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across the +fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this year? +Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would "do" the +mountain peaks of Norway--where were they? + +At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were middle-aged, unshaven +and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or something of that sort, but +quite as speechless and uncivil as the grandest of the traveling British +clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them +was any different from what we had grown to expect; these two traveled +brainlessly and solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a +purpose, behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him a +fifty-_oere_ bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he told me +afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but nothing came of +that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown spoiled and insolent +from all his idling with tourists. + +_"Mehr,_ more," said he. + +No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and struck his +hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, and one +_krone_ made its appearance. But on Solem's taking the noble lord by +the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two _kroner_ were at +last forthcoming. + +At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, huntsmen, +fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a tremendous commotion +at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent double under all the orders he +received, and Josephine ran, flew at every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up +her sitting room to three English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded +together as close as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep +my bed because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it matter for a +night!" + +Then I went out. + +If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a resort in +the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is the meaning of +all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the animals not at rest? +The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs has got in. Or--_have_ +some of the visiting dogs got in? Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and +circles; nothing is new, all returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. +The Romans ruled the world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so +invincible, that they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could +afford to live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and +animals. Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only sat--sat +and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less rulers of the +world than the Romans. + +They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' shed; I was +merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to accept the ways of +the mighty tourists. But they themselves belonged to that nation of +gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one day the wholesome Gothic soul will +castigate to death.... + +The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs began to +bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and doors began to +bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, these travelers; they +were running to catch the doctor. They had breakfast in two sessions, but +though the household was bent double before them and gave of its best, +they were not satisfied. "If we had only known a little earlier," said +Paul. But they muttered that we should just wait; there were motor cars in +other places. Then Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who +lived under the Tore peaks: + +"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? And I'm +planning to get a telephone...." + +The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and departed, +accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying trunks. + +Peace descended on us again. + +Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting plants round +the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table in a very learned +fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out their peculiarities. +Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at school. + +"Here you see an _Artemis cotula_," he said. + +Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the name and +said: + +"Yes, take plenty of it with you." + +"What for?" + +"It's insect powder." + +Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good deal of +discussion in which Associate Master Hoey had to take a hand. + +No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could classify plants +and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. The peasant children in +his neighborhood were ignorant of these classes and names, and he could +teach them. He enjoyed that so much. + +But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut down one +year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him religious and +silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches of trees, and the +grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great heaven of all the +universe--were these his friends? + +_Artemis cotula_.... + + + + +XII + + +When I get tired of Associate Master Hoey and the ladies.... Sometimes I +think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the Associate Master gravely +keeps her company; they talk about the servants at home whose only desire +is to stay out all night. Mrs. Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but +probably she has at one time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as +though they were cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few +years ago, her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth +seemed to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was in +Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. And here +is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is it only for her +health, or are she and the Associate Master possibly children of the same +provincial town? + +When I get tired of Associate Master Hoey and the ladies, I leave them and +go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows where I keep +myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be different from the +Associate Master, who is very far from being so settled. So I go out. It +is a bright day with just the right amount of warmth, and my summer woods +are filled with the fragrance of plants. I rest frequently, not because I +need to, but because the ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no +one can find me; only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms +or men, no one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which +is green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which looks +as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so thin and +lonely. + +You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel a kind of +sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It was like meeting +a child. + +With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit across +the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist sways in slow +rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, fluctuates and strains to +give birth to something. But when I rise to walk on, the end is not yet in +sight. + +I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. They neither +toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace my steps to see if I +can find their leader, but it is useless: farther and farther I retreat, I +begin to run, but the procession is endless before and behind me. Perhaps +they started a week ago. So I go on my way, and the other insects go on +theirs. + +Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an embrace, +in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to stamp or weigh it +down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and defenseless, indulgent like a +mother. To think of an ant walking on this! Here and there lie stones, +half-covered with moss, not because they have fallen there, but because +this is their home, and they have lived here long. This is peerless. + +When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on another +peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little cow with red +and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me and caws down at me +in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against the stone. A warm thrill +runs through me, and I feel, as I have done in the woods so many times +before, that someone has just been here, and has stepped to one side. +Someone is with me here, and a moment later I see his back disappearing +into the woods. "It is God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor +singing. I only see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It +was God," I think. + +"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I reply. "Am I +making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the Mohammedans their god, +the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one knows God, my friend; man knows +only gods. And sometimes I meet mine." + +I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the one I came +by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I reach a great +ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse myself, I pretend to +be tired, flinging myself on the ground exactly as though someone were +watching me and saw how exhausted I am. It is only for my amusement, +because my brain has been idle so long. The sky is clear everywhere; the +clusters of mist over the Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but +they have stolen away. In their place, an eagle swings in great circles +over the valley. Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring +as though held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to watch +him. At length he disappears behind the peaks. + +And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper trees. What +miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin perhaps hold some +meaning; they have lain here for thousands of years, but perhaps they, +too, roam, and make an inexpressible journey. The glaciers move, the land +rises, and the land falls; there is no hurry here. But since my +consciousness cannot associate fact with such a conception, it grows blind +with fury and revolts: The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game! + +This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of stone. It's +a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, and perhaps a +well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But heaven protect me just +the same from the inhabitants of these towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, +neither do they attract thieves; they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: +that is what I hold against them, that they make no fiery gestures; it +would become them to roll a little, but there they lie, with even their +sex unknown. But you saw the eagle instead! Be still.... + +A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the flowers +and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only trembles. + +I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's house. + +"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," I tell him +in the course of our conversation. + +"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies cunningly. +In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has seen what it leads +to. + +I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the ground. He +thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an animal that +sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had bought a slightly +larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would feed one cow more; but he +himself had only got this bit of a field. Still, this would amount to +something, too, as long as he kept his health to work it. + +He gripped his spade again. + + + + +XIII + + +Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, but some +of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded and said, Yes, +he was the right sort. + +"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Hoey asked, looking +up from his plate. + +No one answered. + +Then Associate Master Hoey could not help smiling broadly, and said: + +"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've never paid +any attention to him." + +Associate Master Hoey might look at Solem all he pleased; he would grow no +bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Hoey was annoyed, and that +was the truth. It is catching for a woman to discover that a man is "the +right sort"; the other women grow curious, and stick their noses into it: +"So-o-o, is he?" And a few days later the whole flock of them are of one +opinion: "Yes, indeed, he's the right sort!" + +Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then! + +Poor Mr. Hoey; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for Solem. To +tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much about the matter, +but she could not lag behind the others. + +"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Hoey, and smiled again. He was +intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and pretty. + +At the next meal, Mr. Hoey could contain himself no longer. + +"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem." + +"Well?" + +"Common sneak-thief!" + +"Oh, shame!" + +"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue chin, a +perfect horse-face...." + +"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie. + +Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation after all, I +thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite a little cushion +over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched up. She had eaten well and +slept well, and improved at this resort. Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has +plenty of life left in her. + +This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate Master Hoey! +For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of a lawyer, and he +talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had there been anything +between her and Mr. Hoey? True, he was not much to look at, but then +neither was she. + +The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the social +sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the principle of the +referendum. At first he had worked a few years in an architect's office, +he told us, but then he had changed to the law instead, which in its turn +had led him into social problems. No doubt he was a rich and unselfish man +to be able to change his vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, +Switzerland!" he said, and his eyes watered. None of us could understand +his fervor. + +"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said. + +The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite incapable of +restraining himself. + +Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about him +lately. He's ten times better than many another." + +"There, you see!" + +"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he is. And +what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame goat." + +"Did you stop to watch that?" + +"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. And later +I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. I can well +understand that the ladies see something in him." + +How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the wife of the +captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and remain faithful to +her Chinaman. + +"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said Mrs. +Molie. + +Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate Master into +jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight? + +But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Hoey's torment and +wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Hoey just expressed himself +kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who one fine evening had +caused her to tear down her window blind? There is cause and effect in all +things. + +"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then she +reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about Switzerland; +but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, and I've never in my +life been so cheated." + +The lawyer only smiled at this. + +Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, watchmakers and +the Alps and Calvin--- + +"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said the +Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with suppressed rage. + +"Really, really, Associate Hoey!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm with a +smile. + +But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by telling them +all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that model for all small +countries of the world. What social conditions, what a referendum, what +planning in the exploitation of the country's natural wonders! There they +had sanatoriums; there they knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous! + +"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It smells like +tourists' feet." + +Dead silence. So Associate Master Hoey was prepared to go to such lengths! + +"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish voice mildly. + +"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Hoey replied. "Just the thing for +Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair." + +Laughter. + +Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could safely +continue: + +"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we should not be +so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest investigations in +that country that they are ahead of us in every respect. We have +everything to learn from them: their frugality, their diligence, their +long working hours, the small home industries--" + +"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Hoey. "All trifles, nothingness, +negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the mercy of its +neighbors ought not to be a model for any other country on earth. We must +try to rise above the wretched stench of it, which only makes us ill. The +big countries and big circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, +even the small things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. +A child can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state of +affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to be its +model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland really amounts +to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the smallest and meanest +country as our model? Things are small enough here anyhow. Switzerland is +the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard of a young South American country +of Norway's size trying to be on a level with Switzerland? Why do you +think Sweden is taking such great strides forward now? Not because it +looks to Switzerland, or to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for +that! But what about us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation +stuck up in our mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--" + +The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to indicate that he +wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his voice: + +"Just a moment!" + +The Associate Master stopped. + +"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the lawyer, +preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in the country you +speak of?" + +"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master. + +There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And then it all +came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had known all the time +that Mr. Hoey had been on a traveling scholarship in Switzerland, but she +had never mentioned it. What a snake in the grass! She had even encouraged +the lawyer, but no one else, to talk about Switzerland. + +"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Hoey has been in Switzerland" she +said, as though to clinch the matter. + +"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the country with +different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly anxious to end the +controversy. + +"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, who +seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after generation, +filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their mountains. But it's +a country without folk music or folk tales. I suppose you think we ought +to work hard to resemble the Swiss in that, too?" + +"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen. + +Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did. + +At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the window as +she said: + +"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland before, Mr. +Associate Master." + +This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to annihilate +her, but he restrained himself and remained silent. + +"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him. + +"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't understand it, +I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm accustomed to explaining +to children." + +Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling patiently. + +"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to yours," the +lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that this was one thing I +knew something about, however...." + +Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on the point +of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still for a moment, and +then followed her, whistling and putting on as brave a manner as though he +felt quite easy in his mind. + +"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of the +company, namely myself. + +And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied: + +"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both sides." + +Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a mediator, +for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's early seventies, +one still has many pathetically young ideas. + +The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus: + +"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for being +able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain resort. We get +tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and earn money and pay off +our debts. Ask this man if he would have been willing to do without all we +have learned from Switzerland...." + +That evening Mrs. Brede asked, + +"Why did you make Mr. Hoey look so unreasonable today, Mrs. Molie?" + +"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!" + +As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really been +innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate Master set off +up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and remained away till midday. +If they had the matter out between them, then no doubt the lady spoke to +her much-tried friend as follows: + +"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! What an +idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give him a good +dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're the silliest, +sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...." + + + + +XIV + + +Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no other +visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a manner of +speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us still believe there +will be more visitors, because after all we're the only ones that have the +Tore peaks! + +But no one appears. + +The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and do not +complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things quietly; he +sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but once or twice I +have seen him walking away from the house at night, walking in deep +thought toward the woods. + +From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor traffic has +started there now. So this is the explanation of the quiet in our valley! +Then one day a Dane came down to us from the fjeld. He had climbed the +Tore peaks from the other side, something that had been thought impossible +till now. He had simply driven in a car to the foot of the mountains and +walked across! + +So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either. + +I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow green-fodder +in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at any rate, had been +his original intention, but then came the great caravan, and he neglected +it. Now, of course, the season is too far advanced for sowing, and there +will be nothing but docks and chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at +least, and sown? Why didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking +the woods at night? + +But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in farming was +diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has remained. He hears that +our lawyer is also an architect and asks him to draw a plan for the big +new house with the six rooms, the hall and the bathroom. Paul has already +ordered the log chairs and the reindeer horns for the hall. + +"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the cars coming +here too," said the lawyer. + +"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can do +something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must have a +road." + +The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round to look at +the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. Paul was already +quite convinced that three or four good tourist summers would pay it off. + +Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I discovered +that he smelled of brandy. + +Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, travelers who +were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. Everyone's spirits rose; the +strangers stayed a few days and nights, and were guided across the fjeld +by Solem, who earned a fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and +strolled about the farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to +discuss with the lawyer about the house. + +"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," he said. +"I shall be away for a couple of days." + +So they attended to a few minor matters. + +"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer. + +"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if I can get +the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a telephone and +automobile service and so on." + +"Good luck!" said the lawyer. + +So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about our own +affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said: + +"Will you go and sow the field by the river?" + +"Has Paul said so?" he asked. + +"Yes," she replied. + +Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, Josephine +went down to him and said: + +"Harrow it once more." + +What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought than the men! +She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have seen her many times +with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. And when she pretended that +none but the maids milked the goats and did outside work, it was for the +good name of the house. She had learned to play the piano for the same +reason. The mistress of the house helped her nobly, for both women were +thoughtful and industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was +light as a feather. And the chaste little hands she had! + +"Josephine, Josefriendly!" I called her wittily. + + + + +XV + + +Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering taking her +departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she did not need a stay +in the mountains on that account, and if she was bored, why should she +stay? + +But a minor event caused her to stay. + +In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to cultivate +Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that they felt a need +to busy themselves with something, and to find someone to make a fuss +over. And here was the lad Solem. They got into the habit of telling one +another what Solem had said and what Solem believed, and they all listened +with great interest. Solem himself had grown spoiled, and joked +disrespectfully with the ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once +he had even bragged in a most improper way, saying: + +"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!" + +"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's chopping wood +and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps getting caught in the +wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he said: 'I wish I had time to stop +so I could chop this blasted finger right off my hand!'" + +"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of doing it, +too!" + +A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, tying a +fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was chaste, but young. + +The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the heat +coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all our strength. +But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied ourselves in various +ways: some of us wrote letters or played forfeit games in the garden, +while others were so far restored that they went for a walk "to look at +nature." + +Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. He had on +his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of going to bed. + +Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said: + +"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?" + +Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his forehead. + +"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. There was a +path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she said." + +Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, she paced +back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. Her red felt hat +was held on the back of her head by a pin, the brim turned up high in +front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, her shoes light. + +It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a window onto +her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! Had she not toiled +through her youth and gained school knowledge? But no reality! Poor Miss +Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any other lady tonight. + +As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, Miss Torsen +cleared her throat. + +"Come with me instead!" she said. + +Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right." + +So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated indifference, +as though nothing on earth were any concern of mine. + +"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already behind +the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they hurried lest +Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone. + +A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in her, +nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no language; her soul +was undernourished. A true woman would have married; she would have been a +man's wife, she would have been a mother, she would have been a +benediction to herself. Why pounce on a pleasure merely to prevent others +from having it? And she so tall and handsome! + +The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog approaches. +Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on the bone and +crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is approaching. + +It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my mind was +ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within me the nursery +rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking verses about the juniper +tree. + + To the top of the steepest mountains, + where the little juniper stands, + no other tree can follow + from all the forest lands. + Halfway to the hilltop + the shivering pine catches hold; + the birch has actually passed him, + though sneezing with a cold. + But a little shrub outstrips them, + a sturdy fellow he, + and stands quite close to the summit, + though he measures barely a yard. + They look like a train from the valley below + with the shortest one for the guard. + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now--- + why, it's only a juniper tree. + + Down dale there's summer lightning, + green leaves and St. John's feast, + with songs and games of children, + and a dozen dances at least. + But high on the empty mountain + stands a shrub in lonely glory, + with only the trolls that prowl about, + just like in a story. + The wind with the juniper's forelock + is making very free; + it sweeps across the world beneath + that lies there helpless and bare, + but the air on the heights is fresher + than you'll ever find it elsewhere. + None can see so far around + as such a juniper tree. + + There hovers over the mountain + for a moment summer's breath; + at once eternal winter + brings back his companion, death. + Yet sturdy stands the juniper + with needles ever green. + I wonder how the little chap + can bear a life so lean. + He's hard as bone and gristle, + as anyone can see; + when every other tree is stripped, + his berries are scarlet and sleek, + and every berry's plainly marked + with a cross upon its cheek. + So now we know what he looks like too, + this jolly juniper tree. + + At times I think he sings to himself + a cheerful little song: + "I've got a bright blue heaven + to look at all day long!" + Sometimes to his juniper brothers + he calls that they need not fear + the trolls that are prowling and peering + about them far and near. + Gently the winter evening + falls over the copse on the height, + and a thousand stars and candles + are lit in the plains of the sky. + The juniper trees grow weary + and nod their heads on the sly; + before we know it they're fast asleep, + so we say: "Good night, good night!" + +I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I sent to a +little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the country, and she +learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. Brede's little girls, who +stood still like two bluebells, listening. Then they tore the paper out of +my hand and ran to their mother with it. They loved their mother very +much. And she loved them too; they had the most delightful fun together at +bedtime. + +Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a madness, +but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did anyone prize her for +that? Who? Her husband? + +A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the consequences +of her being left behind for endless days. + + + + +XVI + + +Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks very happy +about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too restless and +strange to be contented with anything. + +Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with Solem, and +stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up again, she was +quite all right. + +Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though someone had +seized her by it? + +She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he were +nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods that had +made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no longer! It was like +her to want nothing real, nothing but the sensation, nothing but the +triumph. Solem had not understood that, and had flown into a passion. Had +it been thus? + +Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more direct +and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like "Oh, yes, +that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as strong as a man!" + +And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her with gross +eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself and seem +indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life whenever she was +about. But he might have saved himself the trouble. Miss Torsen was +stone-deaf to his songs. + +And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of sheer +defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done before, but she +began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, sitting by his work table +in the living room as he drew plans of houses. Such is the perverse +idleness of summer resorts. + + * * * * * + +So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I begin to +weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going across the +fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were in other years, +when visitors came in droves. And things will not improve until we, too, +get roads and cars. + +I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the neighboring valley +is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours is only called Reisa after +the river: the whole of the Reisa district is no more than an appendage. +Stordalen has all the advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls +the neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people there +are so petty and avaricious. + +Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as hopeless as he +went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a day, he stayed in his +room without once emerging. When he reappeared at last, he was aloof and +reserved, pretending he had been very successful during his absence; he +should manage about the cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had +a few more drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to give +their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with any sense. +Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the whole appendage? +Because then the caravans would come, scattering money over the valley. +They understood nothing, those fools! + +"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said the lawyer. + +"Of course," replied Paul with finality. + +Then he went to his room and lay down again. + +On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had toiled up +themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and now they wanted +some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could not possibly carry all +the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down in his room. I had seen Paul +again during the night go out to the woods, talking loudly and flinging +his arms about as though he had company. + +And here were all the strangers. + +Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem across to +Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help them carry. In +the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept looking at their +watches, for if they could not cross the Tore fjeld before nightfall, they +would have to spend the night outdoors. One of them suggested to the +others that perhaps this delay was intentional. The owner of the place +probably wanted them to spend the night there; they began to grumble among +themselves, and at last they asked: + +"Where is the master, the host?" + +"He's ill," said Josephine. + +Solem returned and said: + +"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes." + +A pause. + +Then Josephine said: + +"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!" + +She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and knapsacks on +her little back, and trotted off. The others followed. + +I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I would not +allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from the house would do +her good. We walked together and talked on the way: she had really no +complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum of money saved up. + +When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn back. She +thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with nothing to do but +walk. + +"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said. + +She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, the daughter +of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been going with the +tourists solely to carry their luggage. + +"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but that can +wait till the winter." + +We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I threatened to +throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then she would see! + +"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied Josephine, "and +then _you'll_ see!" + +By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew what had +happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted the burden from +my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of ceremony, and told me his +own and his companions' names. I must excuse them, I really must forgive +them; this was too bad, he had been so unobserving.... + +I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. It is not +strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me the ape of all +the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many another groans under a +burden of stupidity, which is little better. We all have our cross to +bear.... + +Then Josephine and I turned homeward again. + + * * * * * + +Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; this is +because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am troublesome to +others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw loose; people forgive me +because my hair is gray. You who live by your compass will say that I am +respected for the writing I have been doing all these years. But if that +were so, I should have had respect in my young days when I deserved it, +not now when I no longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the world-- +can be expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and only +the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that age. + +Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is due, not +so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born with this ability. + +I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have thought to +myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no doubt others have +said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I have gone even further than +this: I have intentionally exposed myself to direct contempt from other +literary men, and this has not hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. +On the other hand, my way of life has lent me an inner distinction for +which I have a right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet one can +endure even such a lie if one has character. + +You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!-- +"_Considering what book-writers do in the world, and what the world does +with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous thing the world +at present has to show_." You may quote many others as well; they will +assert that a great to-do is made over me for my authorship as well as my +native ability, and my struggle to hammer this ability into a useful +shape. And I say only what is the truth, that most of the fuss is made +because I have reached an age in which my years are revered. + +And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which makes it easy +to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and arrogant fashion. Old +age should not be honored for its own sake; it does nothing but halt and +delay the march of man. The primitive races, indeed, have no respect for +old age, and rid themselves unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A +long time ago I deserved honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than +one sense, I am a richer man and can afford to do without. + +Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. "How old +he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain silent so that I +may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing nonsense! + +The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old fellow and old +companion; for pity's sake don't say anything memorable to us--you should +have done that when you were better able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep +us company. But don't let your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't +restrain us; you have had your day--now it's our turn..." + +This is honest speech. + +In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers preserve +their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, unpleasant +labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she herself works +among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same with her own daughter. +It is her instinct. + + + + +XVII + + +Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see nothing in +them that I have not known before. So I sink to the level of watching +Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But that too is familiar and +dull. + +Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a delusion of +greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for the money he earns, +and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, though it is very warm; +round his neck and over his chest lies a costly silk tie tied in a +sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as he, as he well knows; he sings +as he crosses the farmyard, and considers no one too good for him now. +Josephine objects to his loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so +indispensable at the resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his +own will in many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company. + +Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with the +lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in his plans. +Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is the right man for +her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather simple-minded, +strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to reconcile herself to +the constant companionship of these two in the living room, and she +frequently had some errand that took her there; what was she after, Mrs. +Molie, of the ice-blue teeth? + +At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver them. He +began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore range which no one +had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be conquered by him. Miss +Torsen objected to this plan, and as she grew to know him better, begged +him most earnestly not to undertake such a mad climb. So he promised with +a smile to obey her wishes. They were in such tender agreement, these two! + +But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it out to +his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again. + +"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said. + +So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her. + +The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on the pair. +One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss Torsen and said: + +"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?" + +The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at length: + +"A path? No, thank you." + +She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she said: + +"I never heard of such brazenness!" + +"What got into him?" said the lawyer. + +Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer. + +That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss Torsen +again and said: + +"What about that path? Shall we go now?" + +As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to elude him. +But Solem did not hesitate to follow her. + +"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If you're +insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the farm...." + +But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he was guide +and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent laborer on the farm as +well. And soon the hay would have to be brought in, and casual laborers +would be engaged to work under him. No, Solem could not be driven off. +Besides, the other ladies were on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone +could save him by a word. She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her +hand. + +Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and became a little +more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. Once at midday, as he was +standing in the woodshed, I saw him make a scratch with the ax across the +nail of his thumb. + +"What on earth are you doing?" I asked. + +"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. "When this +scratch grows out--" + +He stopped. + +"What then?" + +"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said. + +But I had the impression that he meant to say something different, so I +probed further. + +"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here long then, +will you?" + +"Nails grow slowly," he muttered. + +Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping wood. + +A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a cackling hen +under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and called: + +"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?" + +"Yes," was the reply. + +Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he wanted to +behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did everything on the farm; +he was, hand and brain, indispensable. + +He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, for she +twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She had stopped +cackling now. + +"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem. + +Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem still +held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was done so quickly +that the two sections of the bird were still one in my eyes; I could not +grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, and it took my sight a +second or two to overtake the event. Bewilderment was in the expression of +this detached head, which looked as though it could not believe what had +happened, and raised itself a little as if to show there was nothing the +least bit wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the headless body +reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and spattered blood in wide +arcs before it fell at last. + +"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem. + +Then he went off to fetch another hen. + + + + +XVIII + + +I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This would, to be +sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the farm: but who would +fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you he just lounges all day in +his room, and has been doing so lately more than ever; the guests never +see him except through an unsuccessful maneuver on his part. + +One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his disregard of +time, have thought the guests had already retired, but we all sat outside +in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew himself up and saluted as +he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he said: + +"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I was right +there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying luggage!" + +Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared important enough, +so he turned round and asked: + +"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as porter?" + +"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting potatoes." + +"Wouldn't go?" + +"That's what Einar said." + +Paul thought this over. + +"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them off the +place." + +Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked: + +"Haven't they bought their land?" + +"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say in things +too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe me...." + +Then he said sternly to Solem: + +"You come to me next time." + +Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again. + +"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer. + +Nobody replied. + +"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like that?" the +lawyer remarked. + +Mrs. Brede said gently: + +"What a pity! He never drank before." + +And at once the lawyer was charitable again: + +"I'll have a good talk with him," he said. + + * * * * * + +There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning till night, +when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was hoisted, and there +was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's feet said _whrr_ under +her skirt. The manufacturer arrived with a porter; his wife and children +went far down the road to meet him, and the visitors at the resort sallied +forth too. + +"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. He won us +all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with the broad good +cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good friends with us at once. + +"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as they clung +to him. + +"Three days." + +"Is that all!" said his wife. + +"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short time, my +dear; three days is a lot for me." + +"But not for me and the children," she said. + +"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do some +moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!" + +They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew the way +to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once. + +In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the manufacturer and +his wife joined us in the living room; he had brought whisky with him for +the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; for the ladies he had wine. It was +quite a little party, the manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we +were all well satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, +this heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think only +of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. Flags should be +lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went across to the cottage, +too, to see if the children were sleeping well. Generally speaking, he +seemed fond of the children. Though he owned factories and hotels and many +other things, yet he seemed to take the greatest pride of all in +possessing a couple of children. + +One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and began to make +a speech. + +The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but here was a +perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man from the great +world outside, from the heart of life, who had brought them wine and good +cheer and festivity? Strange wares up here in this world of blue +mountains ... and so on. + +He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated. + +The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral country that +neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had visited, and therefore +could not disagree about. One of the Danes had been there and was able to +confirm the justness of the manufacturer's impressions. + +But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes: + +"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I was in a +bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in Icelandic!' Ha, ha, +ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at swearing in Icelandic,' he said!" + +Everybody laughed, and his wife asked: + +"And what did you say?" + +"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, ha!" + +Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget we had the +family of a real man of the world with us here--his wife, "this peerless +lady, scattering charm and delight about her," and the children, dancing +butterflies! And a few minutes later, "Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a +flourish on the piano. + +The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife. + +"Well, that's that!" was all he said. + +Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the Dane who +had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she seemed purposely +to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's attention was attracted, and +he asked for further information about the motor cars in the neighboring +valley: how many there were, and how fast they could go. The Dane told +him. + +"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" said Mrs. +Molie. "It hasn't been done before." + +In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him about this +adventurous journey also. + +"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" said Mrs. +Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where ever will you stop?" + +Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he believed it was +unconquerable. + +"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, hadn't +forbidden me," said the lawyer. + +"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent tone. This +was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again as though ready to +believe him capable of anything. + +"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said Miss +Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast." + +"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife with a smile. +"After all, I'm an old sailor." + +"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little. + +"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring." + +"Where?" + +"In Iceland." + +"What for?" + +"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't much use for +it," said the manufacturer. + +"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his wife +repeated nervously. + +The manufacturer laughed. + +"The curiosity of the female sex--!" + +"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the children if +you--" + +She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand. + +"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a question of +life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. Well--we'd better say good +night now, Gerda." + +The manufacturer and his wife got up. + +Then the first man from Bergen made another speech. + + * * * * * + +The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and then made +ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was contented and +entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky and soda was brought +him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little girls had a wildly +hilarious half-hour with him. At night a tremendous snoring could be heard +from his cottage. Before his arrival, the little girls had spent a good +deal of time with me, but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up +with their father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two +rowan trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the rope +so as not to injure the tree. + +He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was intending to +take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's head was bent now, but +he seemed even more hurt that the manufacturer should have paid a visit to +the cotters to see how they were getting on. + +"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, for all I +care!" + +The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was a little +depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his family's courage +up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with both hands, and the +children clung to his other arm. + +"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm not +allowed to say good-bye." + +The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his arm back; +Mummy, you hold him tight, too!" + +"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just a short +trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be there, too." + +"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children asked. + +He twisted round and nodded to us. + +"These women! All curiosity!" he said. + +But none of his family laughed. + +He continued to us: + +"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, too. He +shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, ha, ha! That's +the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself to find out what +comes after death!" + +But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His wife +stood still; her face was beautiful. + +"So you're leaving now," was all she said. + +Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at the farm +for these three days in order to be at hand. + +Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied by his +wife and children. + +I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and money and +everything, fond of his children, all in all to his wife-- + +Was he really everything to his wife? + +The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he wasted +time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went by.... + + + + +XIX + + +It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being sharpened in +the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly clad and bareheaded, +and call to one another and laugh; sometimes they drink from a bucket of +whey, then set to work again. There is the familiar fragrance of hay, +which penetrates my senses like a song of home, drawing me home, home, +though I am not abroad. But perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from +the soil where I have my roots. + +Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to sobriety? +Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The others go out and lie +on their backs; I steal off and find relish in myself, and feel poetry +within me for the night. The world wants no, poetry; it wants only verses +that have not been sung before. + +And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge irons now, +for the needs of the mob and the honor of the country. + +No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen and left +our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern Railway could have +come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's tours--then Stordalen in its turn +would have lain deserted. Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the +soil will probably go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields +for the rest of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our +descendants are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with +the demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic. + +Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where you must +shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the country, a born +mediocrity with a little school knowledge about history; you had better +ask him. He'll give you just as much mediocre information, my friend, as +your vision can grasp and your brain endure. + + * * * * * + +Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a most +irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to him; he saw +no way out and therefore preferred to make himself blind, which gave him +an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our permanent guests now left together: +the telephone operators, Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and +Palm, and two men who were in some sort of business, I don't quite know +what. This whole party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven +about in cars. + +Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were carried +up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make several journeys +with the side of his cart let down, and bring the cases over the roughest +spots one by one. That was the kind of road it was. Josephine received the +consignment, and noticed that one of the cases gave forth the sound of a +liquid splashing inside. That had come to the wrong place, she said, and +writing another address on it, she told the man to take it back. It was +sirup that had come too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime. + +Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; the sirup +had not come too late, Paul said angrily. + +"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We heard the +sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor. + +Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull and empty, +nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at times. Though he +wanted to build still more houses, he could not use half those he had +already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone with her children in one of +them, and since seven of the guests had left, Miss Torsen was also alone +in the south wing. Paul wanted at all costs to build roads and share in +the development of the tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of +motor cars. But since he had not the power to do this alone and could get +no assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to make +matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw his money.... + +Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before going out +himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, but he was +disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him loudly: "Good +evening, Paul!" and drew him outside. + +They strolled down the field in the dusk. + +Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" with a man +about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be settled by talking. +But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer was right in all he said, +and probably left him with good resolutions. + +Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post office; the +money he had from the seven departed guests would be scattered to all +quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough to cover everything--in +fact not enough for anything, for interest, repayments, taxes, and +repairs. It paid only for a few cases of food from the city. And of course +he stopped the case of sirup from going back. + +Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It was the +same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own way to go on +searching for a solution, and one day he asked the lawyer: + +"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish in-- +goldfish?" + +"Do you mean an aquarium?" + +"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?" + +"I don't know. Why?" + +"I wonder if I could get one." + +"What do you want it for?" + +"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, perhaps +it wouldn't." + +And Paul withdrew. + +Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish. + + + + +XX + + +The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even swings her in +the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to steady her when the +swing stops. Solem watches all this from the field where he is working, +and begins to sing a ribald song. Certainly these two have so ill-used him +that if he is going to sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the +time to do it; no one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, +and then began to yodel. + +But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting his arm +round her and stopping her.... + +It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the garden; he +didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss Torsen would not go +with him, and going alone was such a bore. He did not conceal that the +young woman meant something to him. + +Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked round +quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became his position +of a servant: + +"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm to take a +rope and go with him." + +The lawyer was startled. + +"Is he--?" + +The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His small, +athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence. + +"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell you. +Because after all it was your idea first." + +"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now he'll be +ahead of me." + +Solem knew how to get round that. + +"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go to the +village tomorrow." + +"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that." + +"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the Blue Peak +will be in all the papers." + +"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the matter. + +But Solem urged him on: + +"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about it." + +"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the lawyer. + +"We can go at dawn," said Solem. + +In the end they came to an agreement. + +"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me. + + * * * * * + +The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not in his +room, and not in the garden. + +"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I said. But it +transpired that the Dane had not even thought of climbing the Blue Peak +that day, and knew nothing whatever about the expedition. + +This surprised me greatly. + +I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the peak through +my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there was nothing to be +seen. It was five hours since the two men had left. + +At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in sweat and +exhausted. + +"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of guests. + +"What's happened?" somebody asked. + +"He fell off." + +How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we do? Rush +up the mountainside and look at the accident too? + +"Can't he walk?" somebody asked. + +"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us as though +to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. "He fell off; he +didn't want me to help him." + +A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway across the +field; she was going to the village to telephone for the doctor. + +"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish mountaineer. + +So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take brandy +and bandages to the site of the accident, and the Bergensians, the +Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went with him. + +"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak today?" I +asked the Dane. + +"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant to go, I +should certainly not have wanted company...." + +Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the stretcher. Solem +kept explaining all the way home how the accident had happened, what he +had said and what the lawyer had said, pointing to objects on the way as +though this stone represented the lawyer and that the abyss into which he +had plunged.... Solem still carried the rope he had not had a chance to +use. Miss Torsen asked no more than anyone else, and made purely +conventional comments: "I advised him against it, I begged him not to +go...." + +But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back to life. +Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was dead. The doctor +could do nothing here, and returned to his village. + +There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village to send a +telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did what we thought +decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the living room with books +in our hands. Now and again, some reference would be made to the accident: +it was a reminder, we said, how small we mortals were! And the Associate +Master, who had not the soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this +disaster would injure the resort and make things still more difficult for +Paul; people would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed. + +No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand the +Anglo-Saxon mind. + +Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him rather +than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to console us on this +mournful evening. + +And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of the men +from Bergen made a speech. + + + + +XXI + + +The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the city, and +Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the spot where it +had taken place. If the body had not been removed at once, they would have +written about that, too. + +Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish that Solem +should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest time, but must not +the business of the tourist resort go before all else? + +"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his work. A flock +of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, made him take them to +the mountains, to the river. A phrase was coined at the farm for Solem's +absences: + +"Solem's with death." + +But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in the very +midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he was an important +personage, listened to by strangers, doling out information. Nor did his +audience now consist of ladies only--indeed, no; this was something new, a +change; these were keen, alert gentlemen from the city. + +To me, Solem said: + +"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch on my nail +has grown out, isn't it?" + +He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it. + +The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not only about +the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the locality, and about +the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, with its wonderful +buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What a surprise to come here: +gargoyles, living room, piano, all the latest books, timber outside ready +for new jewels in their setting, altogether a magnificent picture of +Norway's modern farming. + +Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising. + +The English arrived. + +"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they asked. + +"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the farm. +"There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!" + +That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. So Solem +had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart away the hay, +but then the women had no one to help them rake. Confusion was rife. +Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither because there was no one to lead +them. + +The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving weather. As +soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, perhaps all the +hay. Oh, we should manage all right. + +More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. Their +perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had successfully +eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here without being caught. +There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against the sky! They hurried up so +fast that Solem was hardly able to keep pace with them. They would have +felt for ever disgraced if they had neglected to stand on this admirable +site of a disaster, this most excellent abyss. Some said it would be a +lifelong source of regret to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak +forthwith; others had no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, +and to shout down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out +on the ledge that they stood with their toes on death. + +But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort earned a +great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the furrows in his +face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong and active with good +fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who is not defiant in adversity +is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! Paul stopped drinking; he even +began to take an interest in the harvesting, and worked in the field in +Solem's place. If only he had begun when the weather was still slow and +patient! + +But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit again; he +only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters those outlying fields +from which they were used to getting half the hay; this year he would have +liked to keep it himself. But he had given his word, and there was nothing +to be done about it. + +Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could not even +stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three cartloads of fodder +were going to waste. + + * * * * * + +Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. The +newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying misfortunes, +the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. It had been an +intoxication; now came the morning after. + +The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his knapsack +and walked across the field like one of the villagers, caring no more for +the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in the last week had taught +him a lesson. + +And the tourists swarmed on to other places. + +"What harm have I done them," Paul probably +thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been +too much in the fields and too little with them? But I +greeted them humbly and took my man out of the +harvesting work to help them...." + +Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, sportsmen to +their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, cycling, and +football; they were going to be civil engineers--the young Norway. They, +too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of their ability; after all, +one must keep pace with modern life. But they were so young that when they +looked up at the peak, they were afraid. Solem had learned more than one +trick in tourist company; craftily he led them on, and then extorted money +from them in return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all +was well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a bloodstained +rag which he flung on the ground, saying, + +"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off." + +"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout. + +Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances. + +It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then rain again +for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was invisible, the +mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but rain. The roofs at the +Tore Peak resort began to leak more and more. + +The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and rotting, and the +stacks had gone moldy. + +The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. They had +carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs. + +The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left for home. +The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them walking in the +hills and telling them stories. The house is empty now. Associate Master +Hoey and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they left last week, traveling +separately, though both were going to the same small town. + +He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while she crossed +the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is still here. + +Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever heard +anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your tongue. + +Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to the town +again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the winter, and +Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am simply longing. + +Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all sensible +Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the right road. The +papers are all writing about the splendid progress the tourist traffic has +made in Stordalen since the motor road was opened--ought I not to go there +and feel gratified? + +From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who are left; +Miss Torsen is still here. + +Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she does not +leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman Torsen, child +of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all through her formative +years, who has learned all about _Artemis cotula_, but undernourished +her soul. That is what she is doing here. + +I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with Englishmen, a young +sprout coming down from the mountain top with a bloodstained rag which he +threw on the ground, saying, "Here's what's left of your lawyer that fell +off!" Miss Torsen heard it, and never moved a muscle. No, she never +mourned the death of the lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote +off at once to ask another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to +be a swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't employed at +a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him when he came, and +said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for coming." So evidently +she had sent for him. But why did she not leave? Why did she seem to +strike root in the place, and even ask others to come here? Yet she had +been the first to want to leave last summer! There was something behind +this. + + + + +XXII + + +I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is somehow +connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem is still here. +How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl has been spoiled! I saw +her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, untouched, walking +intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying to his greeting. Did she +suspect him of complicity in the death of the lawyer and avoid him for +that reason? Not in the least; she avoided him less than before, even +letting him take her letters to the post office, which she had not done +previously. But she was unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her +bearings. Whenever she could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, +with dung; she sniffed at foulness and was not repelled. + +One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse that was +restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep red. But she +mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine: + +"Isn't that man leaving soon?" + +"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days." + +Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with a great +show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one to her. She +went away in silence. + +Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. Solem's +despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had inflamed, his +brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his looks--she sniffed at +all this and was excited by it. She had grown so unnatural that her sexual +needs were satisfied by keeping this man at a distance. The Torsen type no +doubt lies in her solitary bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in +another house a man lies writhing for her. + +But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. There was +nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the braggadocio of the +theater.... + + * * * * * + +Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question Solem about +the accident. We are alone together in the woodshed. + +Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak that +unfortunate Sunday morning? + +Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand. + +I repeated my question. + +Solem denied he had said any such thing. + +"I heard you," I said. + +"No, you didn't," he said. + +A pause. + +Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without shape, an +outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up again. When he was +on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to rights, we looked at each +other. I had no wish to speak to him further, and left him. Besides, he +was going away soon. + +After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out alone, aping +myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger +today!" And when this was done, I did other nothings, and when my money +began to run out, I wrote to my publisher, pretending I would soon send +him an unbelievably remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man +in love. These were the typical symptoms. + +And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of dwelling on +the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In that case I must have +concealed well in these pages that I never think of her except as an +object, as a theme; turn back the pages and you will see! At my age, one +does not fall in love without becoming grotesque, without making even the +Pharaohs laugh. + + * * * * * + +_Finis._ + +But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, and that is withdrawing to +my room, and sitting alone with the good darkness round me. This, after +all, is the last pleasure. + +An interlude: + +Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their footsteps and +their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of the evening, I cannot +see them. They stop outside my open window, leaning against it, and the +actor says something, asks her to do something she does not want to do, +tries to draw her with him; but she resists. + +Then he grows angry. + +"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly. + +And she begins to weep and says: + +"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at all. Why +can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you." + +Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I made my +presence known then because her weeping sounded so wretched; I moved a +chair and cleared my throat. + +The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, trying to +listen; but she said: + +"No, it was nothing...." + +But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the sound was. It +was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick with me; she had often +pretended that she thought I was not within hearing, and then created some +such delicate situation. Each time I had promised myself not to intervene; +but she had not wept before; now she wept. + +Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, the eyes +of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how well-behaved! +But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it from your hands! You +are so unnatural that in your seven and twentieth year, you walk +unmarried, barren and unopen! + +The pair drifted away. + +And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing into +solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. This is the +last pleasure. + +One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the company of +others and can endure only one's own, but because of their quality of +loftiness and religion. Strange how all things pass distantly, yet all is +near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must be God. It must be ourselves as a +part of all things. + + What would my heart, where would I stray? + Shall I leave the forest behind me? + It was my home but yesterday; + now toward the city I wend my way; + to the darkness of night I've resigned me. + + The world round me sleeps as I tarry, alone, + soothing my ear with its quiet. + How large and gray is the city of stone + in which the many all hopes enthrone! + Shall I, too, accept their fiat? + + Hark! Do the bells ring on the hillside? + + Back to the peace of the forest I turn + in the nightly hour that's hoarest. + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I yearn; + I shall rest my head on heather and fern, + and sleep in the depths of the forest. + + Hark, how the bells ring on the hillside! + +Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? Yes. + +It is the last happiness. + + + + +XXIII + + +The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than that: +imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, my friend, +whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. But I say there is +an imperial sun in the sky. + +It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for the woods +are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into being. A short time +ago they were not there, or I did not see them, or they had the earth's +own complexion. There is something unborn about them, like embryos in an +early stage. But if I whirl them about, they are miracles of fulfillment. + +Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close is the +poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible mushroom, and how +innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. What magnificent cunning! A +spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual vice itself, but preening in splendor +and brilliance, a very cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it +is good and soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. +Was it not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat. + +The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the cattle, but +they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells that they are +moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, sometimes sounding together +as though there were a meaning in it, a pattern of tones, a rapture. + +And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny flowers and +plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, wonderfully meek, with +tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless it, it's becoming a mother! +It has got caught in a dry twig and I liberate it. Life quivers within it; +the sun has warmed it today and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic +miracle. + +Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that passes +through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening. + +I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to rest, and +darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my feet feel their +way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the field, where it is a +little lighter. I walk on the hay that has been left outdoors; it is tough +and black, and I slip on it because it is already rotting. As I approach +the houses, bats fly noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A +slight shudder convulses me whenever they pass. + +Suddenly I stop. + +A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new house. He +has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but it is not the +little comedian himself. There he goes, into the house, right into the +house. It is Solem. + +"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the building, +in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. And Solem has just +gone in." + +I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, for after +all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes pass. He has not even +bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him clicking the key in the lock. +Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I hear nothing, nothing; a chair +scraping across the floor, that is all. + +"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; he may +overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? I--what for? +But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, take my word for it." + +Not a single cry. + +The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot go my way +and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A very thorough +business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it is almost dawn. It +occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps has killed her already; I +am alarmed and about to get up--when the key clicks in the lock again and +Solem emerges. He does not run, but walks back the way he came, down to +the veranda of my own house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it +hung before, and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been +naked under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all out. Now, +stark naked, he stalks to his room. + +What a man! + +I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What has +happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the lady is not +dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he goes to his room, +lights the lamp, and goes to bed. + +It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it at +once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her death and the +lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse others--the thief of last +winter, the man that stole the sides of bacon from a tradesman and sold me +rolls of tobacco out of his bag. No, I shall not keep silence about +anything then.... + + + + +XXIV + + +When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his breakfast, settled +his business with Paul and the women, and returned to his room. He was in +no hurry; though it was no longer early in the day, he took his time about +tying his bundles, preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the +windows of the south wing as he passed. + +Then Solem was gone. + +A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at once about +Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She had certainly +stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him time to leave; if she +wanted to see him she could have been here long ago. But was it not safest +to seem a little angry? Supposing, night owl that I was, that I had seen +something! + +"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly. + +"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied. + +"Lucky for him!" + +"Why?" asked Josephine. + +"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!" + +How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed down. Her +anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a scene; only she did +not walk proudly, as was her habit, but preferred to sit in silence. + +That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's departure, +and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took walks, she talked and +laughed with us, she made the actor swing her in the children's swing, as +in the lawyer's day.... + +I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness for +walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple of the +little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God and Goethe +and _ueber allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'_ that night. On my return, I was in +the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I undressed and went to bed in +the dark. + +Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady and the +actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; of that I was +sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had returned. There was +something she _wanted_ me to hear. + +Why should I listen to him still pleading with her? + +"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow." + +"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added suddenly; +"some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good +night." + +For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, settled man +though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the others! That's what +she's after! + +And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was Tradesman +Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she would give me a +kind word or a look that was quite out of the picture, and as unmistakable +as her pride would permit. No, she had no objections to seeing old age +wriggle. And listen to this: before this she had been intent to show a +well-behaved indifference to sex, but that was finished; was she not at +this moment resisting only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not +tonight, but some other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she was also +cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt. + +Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before his +pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too. + + * * * * * + +Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living room. The +lady and the actor read one book; I read another. + +"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?" + +"With pleasure." + +"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and fetch my +galoshes?" + +So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known popular +song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar way. + +She turned to me. + +"You seem silent." + +"Do I?" + +"Yes, you're very silent." + +"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book I held in +my hands. I read a longish bit. + +She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said impatiently: + +"What is this you want me to listen to?" + +"The _Musketeers_. You must admit it's entertaining." + +"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands and drag +them apart again. + +"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I replied, and +went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had written. They were only +a few poems--nothing special, just a few small verses. Not that I am in +the habit of reading such things aloud, but I seized on this for the +moment because I wanted to prevent her from humbling herself, and telling +me anything more. + +While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned. + +"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said. + +"No?" she replied absently. + +"No, I really looked everywhere, but...." + +She got up and left the room. + +He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a moment. Then it +occurred to him. + +"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he said, and +hurried after her. + +I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her face as +she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through me and my +pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no fool. I was the +fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman to despair. Some +practice the sport of making conquests and the sport of making love, +because they find it so agreeable; I have never practiced sport of any +kind. I have loved and raged and suffered and stormed according to my +nature--that is all; I am an old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the +shadow of evening, the shadow of the half-century. Let me have done! + +The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She had +turned him out; she had wept. + +I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her type. + +"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I shall leave +tomorrow." + +"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked. + +"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here they are,' +I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your nose,' I said. +'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So I went away." + +"She'll get over it." + +"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my opinion nobody +can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty sex, the women, a +mighty sex. They certainly are." + +He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went out again. + + * * * * * + +That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was there when +we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To the actor she was +very kind, quite making up for her petulance of the afternoon. + +When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a written note +folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he dropped everything he +was doing to unfold and read it. With an exclamation and a smile, his +blue, delighted eyes splashed over her; but she was looking down into her +lap with her forehead wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest +pocket. + +Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he tried to +cover it up somehow. + +"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to require +all his energy for the task of eating. + +Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking to him. He +had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she emerged from her +room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the good comedian could not +contain himself, but would surely let a third person into the secret? + +Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but he looked +very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have been a promise; +perhaps she would not tantalize him further. + + + + +XXV + + +A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel together, +and that would be the end. + +I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is stern. One +result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent for him in vain, nor +had he come in vain. + +That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to come--many more. + +She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; why be +niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that they lose +increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold back now? The +ground has been completely shifted: from half-measures to the immolation +of all virtue. The type is well-known, and can be found at resorts and +boarding-houses, where it grows and flourishes. + +In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or her +teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds herself in the +midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with quantities of tinned food +for her meals. The company round her is continually changing, tourists +come and go, and she passes from hand to hand for walks and talks; the +tone is "country informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life +stripped of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next room, +while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. In a short +time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, surfeited with herself +and the place. She is ready to go off with the next halfway respectable +organ grinder that happens along. And so she pairs off with the most +casual visitors, flirts with the guide, hovering about him and making +bandages for his fingers, and at last throws herself into the arms of a +nameless nobody who has arrived at the house today. + +This is the Torsen type. + +And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect the +fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the end of the +summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one in every corner. +But perhaps it consoles her to think that she knows the genitive of +_mensa_. + +Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked nothing, is +committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, nor anything +within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, nice. In fact he is +even something more of a man because he has really made a conquest. He has +no wish but to spend some pleasant hours with the Torsen type. + +He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once she was +visible through the doorway, and he called to her: + +"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the mountain!" + +"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied. + +He was impatient. + +"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that takes! +Ugh!" + +She measured him coldly and said: + +"You're very--familiar." + +If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been weeping and +gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and an hour's delay, +and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's manner changed at once, +and he replied docilely, as his nature was, + +"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!" + +Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally and swinging +his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of his knees, and the +unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was something unnatural about this +plumpness, as though it did not belong to his sex. + +His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His raincoat +hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, though it was not +raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But why speak harsh words about +a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, that had abused it, and it hung from +his shoulders as innocently as a bridal veil. + +Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is stern. +Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following scene will +take place: I stand here waiting only for this departure. So she gives me +her hand and says good-bye. + +"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright and easy +in her mind. + +"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your ways." + +"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the great +error of my ways! Well, really!" + +And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing on the firm +ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing like this: + +"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!" + +She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her head and +reply, pale and offended: + +"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you." + +But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, proud girl, +would have a lucid moment and see things in their true light: + +"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to keep? I am +thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I am seven and +twenty...." + +My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were somewhere +else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far away. + +"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss Torsen? I +must go now." + +"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you wait a few +minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. Good-bye, +good-bye." + +I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every nook and +corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good shelter. From here I +shall see when these two leave. She has only to say good-bye now to the +people of the farm. + +It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We spoke +only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and today I have not +spoken to her.... + +Here they come. + +Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; though they +walked separately up the mountain track, yet they belonged together. They +did not speak; the essential things had probably already been said. Life +had grown ordinary for them; it still remained to them to be of use to +each other. He walked first, while she followed many paces behind; it was +lonely to look at against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had +her tall figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. They each +carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably because, owing to +the greater number of her clothes, hers was the heavier sack. Thus had +they shifted their burdens; what burdens would they carry in the future? +She was, after all, no longer a schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no +longer with the theater or the films. + +I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare ground, with +not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far away near the ridge +murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put their possessions together, +were walking together; at the next halt they would be man and wife, and +take only one room because it was cheaper. + +Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human sympathy--nay, +of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, say a word of +warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few minutes--a good +deed, a duty.... + +They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill. + +Her name was Ingeborg. + + + + +XXVI + + +And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the Tore Peak +farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it snowed for the first +time--wet, sad snow. + +It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have played the +piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now I am leaving, +too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be cheerful for; things +have gone badly this year, and may grow worse as time goes on. The +prospect is not a good one. "But something will turn up," says Josephine. +She need not worry, for she has money in the bank, and no doubt there is a +young man in the offing, on the other side of the fjeld. + +Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. The other +day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. The friend could +not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had expected money, but it +hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer because of his private +affairs. That was all very well, but when would the bill be paid? Why, he +would send it from the town, of course; that was where he had his money! + +"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," said +Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I didn't like +the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as good as anybody, and +throwing his stick up in the air and catching it again. And then when Miss +Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told her, and I wondered if she couldn't +let me have the money for him. Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't +he paid himself?' 'No,' I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad +one, we need every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should +get the money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could trust her +for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money all right, if not +from him. I daresay she'll send it herself...." + +And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner. + +Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very steady, but +at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes no interest in +things; he does little more than feeding the horses and chopping some +wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of the summer cow houses for +autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, and probably it will not be done +at all. So far it hasn't mattered, but this morning's first wet snow has +covered the hay outdoors and the maltreated land. And so it will remain +till next spring. Poor Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he +pushes doggedly on against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, +knowing how useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile. + +His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on his +threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in memories, for he +has ninety years behind him. The many houses on the farm confuse him a +little; the roofs are all too big for him, and he is afraid they might +come down and carry him off. Once he asked Josephine if it was right that +his hands and fingers should run away from him every day across the +fields. So they put mittens on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in +fact he ate everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they +must be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about. + + * * * * * + +I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the way I had +come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It is fitting that I +should go back, always back, never forward again. + +I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then the +Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between a human +being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat wall, and a +paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age dwelling. Olga was +kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it +pained me to watch her flit about the room, tiny and crooked, as she +looked for a pair of reindeer cheeses for me. + +Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so many lonely +months. I did not enter it. + +Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. But I shall +skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not entering. This +morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the mouse I left here last +spring; but tonight I am taking it out again because I am no longer in the +mood, and because there is no point in it. Perhaps it would have amused +you to read it, my friend; but there is no point in amusing you now. I +must deject you now and make you listen to me; there is not much more to +hear. + +Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to you, then +I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into what is distant; +you do not, for this is something you cannot learn from your little +schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for me. I shall be merry +again with you later, when my strings are tuned to merriment. I have no +power over them. Now they are tuned to a chorale.... + + * * * * * + +At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on quickly in +order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I must have started +too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I shall reach the village +at high noon. What am I chasing after? Perhaps it is feeling the nearness +of the sea that drives me forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, +with the glitter and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts +through me like a greeting from another world. "_Thalatta!_" I cry; +and I wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless and +fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend the ridge as +though in a trance and reach the first house. + +There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window suddenly +disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though only the barn was +of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's home. As I entered the +house, I saw that though it was as poor within as without, the floor was +clean and covered with pine twigs. There were many children here. The +mother was busy cooking something over the fire. + +I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a couple of +small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, the woman said: + +"I expect you want a boat?" + +"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my last visit; +I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles from the sea. +"Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?" + +"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she replied, +"because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over lots of people +this year." + +Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have completely +altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten months ago. + +"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked. + +"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or there's Eilert +and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go there; they've got big +houses." + +She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to the +shore, and I proceeded thither. + + + + +XXVII + + +A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, displayed a +new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as usual, was a peat +hut. + +As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had stopped to +consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward me. Ah, well, the +world is a small place; we meet friends and acquaintances everywhere. Here +am I, meeting an old acquaintance, the thief of last winter, the pork +thief. What luck, what a satisfaction! + +This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now. + +At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that up. Once +he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in style: + +"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most welcome under +my humble roof, and such it is!" + +My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still collecting my +thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he explained that since the +motor traffic had started in Stordalen, many visitors came through this +way, and sometimes they wanted to stop over at his house before being +rowed across to the steamer. They always came down in the evenings, and it +might be fine, or it might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He +had therefore had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't +expect people to spend the night outdoors. + +"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said. + +"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to give +shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel there is to it. +My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if he builds a place +that's ten times as big. Look over there--now he's building another +house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got three grown men working on it so +he can get it done by next summer. But it won't be much bigger than my +place at that, and anyhow, the gentry don't want to be bothered walking +all that distance to his place when here's my house right at the car stop. +And besides it was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have +wanted to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make himself any +different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits of canvas and rugs +and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to sleep there. But I'd +never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a storehouse for fodder and hay +for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my mentioning it! But of course if +you've no shame in you and don't know how to behave in company--" + +"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down the road to +his place!" + +We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all the way, and +assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a good-for-nothing for +copying him as he did. + +If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have passed by +Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, though I may not have +appeared so. It cannot be helped. + +"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. "They're +gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through Stordalen, and they +had to walk because the cars have stopped for the season. They've been in +my house for quite some days, and I think they'll be staying on a while +yet. I think they're out now, but of course it means I can't let you have +my best room." + +I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through me--no, of +course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was a fresh surprise. +What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the door, there was the +actor, too--standing there looking at me: the actor from the Tore Peak +resort. It was his knees, his coat, and his stick. So I was right--I +_had_ recognized her face at an upper window. Yes, indeed, the world +is small. + +The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice to see me +again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking himself in liquor, +he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul seemed to think the whole +inn was an aquarium and we visitors the goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I +wish we were, I must say!--Well, Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock +for supper? Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been +here several days; we want to stay and get a good rest." + +As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft and +addressed the actor: + +"The missis wants you to come right upstairs." + +"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be stopping here, +too, I expect?" + +He hurried up the stairs. + +Eilert and I followed to my room. + + * * * * * + +As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He had a great +deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not unwilling to listen to +him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a fine fellow with four ragged, +magnificent youngsters by his first wife, who had died two years before, +and another child by his second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told +me this, the yarn about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had +spun for me last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the +message from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And +she, too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again. + +It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you tell me +about your family. + +No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been full of an +obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. Probably a mere +coincidence, but that did not detract from my satisfactory state of mind; +I was pleased with everything, and all things added to my cheerful frame +of mind. There were some pigs by the barn, very affectionate pigs, because +they were used to the children playing with them and kissing them and +riding on their backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of +course, standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming their +own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to the best of +their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just beneath the sunset, +began the great road that winds up through the woods and the valley. There +is something of the friendliness of a living being about such a forest +road. + +Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went with him. +Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; but he had promised +the gentry from the city some fish, and fish was one of the gifts of God. +Besides, if he lacked meat, he could always slaughter one of the pigs. + +There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert said, as +long as there was not too much of it. + +"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; "the +bigger the wind, the stronger the current." + +At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of Eilert's +French words: _travali, prekevary, sutinary, mankemang_, and many +others. They've had a long way to travel, coming here by ancient routes +via Bergen, and now they're common property. + +And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt extremely +ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock. + +"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore for a +while." + +But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and the sea +rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert. + +The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there was +entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An inner +exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained it. But I had +experienced no emotional excitement. + +We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising fast!" +cried Eilert, rowing with all his might. + +I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would manage by +himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that they could see me +from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. Eilert's wife might see +me and laugh at me. + +What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to put my head +over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a moment's relief, and +then it began all over again. Charming! I felt as though I were in labor; +the wrong way up, of course, through my throat, but it was a delivery +nonetheless. It moved up, then stopped, came on again and stopped, came on +and stopped once more. It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; +I had never felt anything like it before; it was not something I was born +with. All my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump of +steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, thank heaven, +my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed inside the islands that +served as a breakwater, and I was saved. + +Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, imitating my +own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. And I assured Eilert, +too, that this was the first time I had ever been seasick, so that he +should understand it was nothing to gossip about. After all, he had not +heard about the great seas I had sailed without the slightest discomfort; +once I had been four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the +passengers in bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me! + +"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert. + +That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had not +brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire to come +down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread and butter and +milk to be sent up. + + + + +XXVIII + + +Next morning they had gone. + +Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard them +perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of the plump +thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She hushed him, and +her voice sounded angry. + +Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some minutes, +negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had changed their +minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they went down to the boat, +Eilert with them. I could see them through the window, chilled by the cold +of early morning and short-tempered with each other. There had been a +frost during the night; ice lay on the water in the buckets, and the +ground was harsh to walk on. Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy +morning, with the sea still running rather high. There they go with their +knapsacks on their backs; she is still wearing her red hat. + +Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending to sleep +till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except myself. I could +not see the boat from my bed, so I got up again--just to while the time +away--to see how far they had gone. Not very far, though both men were +rowing. A little later I got up and looked again--oh, yes, they were +getting on. I took up my post by the window. It was really quite +interesting to watch the boat getting smaller and smaller; finally I +opened the window, even looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet +quite light, I could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed and +went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, Regine, was +up. How calmly and naturally she took everything! + +"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her. + +"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till after +they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose they're going? +Haddock fishing?" + +"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're leaving, all +right. They had their knapsacks on their backs." + +"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not a thing! +And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, neither!" + +I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that coffee was +nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup-- + +Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such foolishness was to +shake my head and go away. One must take the sensible view. How was it +possible to understand such behavior? Nevertheless I, the undersigned, +should have gone on to Olaus yesterday, instead of going fishing. That +would have been still more sensible. What business had I at this house? +Very likely she found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this +was why she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack. + +Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't matter. As +long as one has a reason to go away. + + * * * * * + +Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he came up +the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He was in a +furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it on him--no, +they'd just better not. + +Of course it was the bill again. + +"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I thought to +myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it as nonchalantly +as it should be taken. There are worse things." + +But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had driven them +away without their clothes; perhaps they had really expected some money to +be sent here--who knows? + +I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? "Good +heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to them at once +with their clothes!" + +But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had arrived +just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very moment. + +Well, there was no help for it. + +"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes next +Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again." + +I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. Why couldn't +he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular one? + +Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him the other +one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so good as this +one. And I should remember that the money the missis had paid him hadn't +covered more than the bill for one of them. So it was only reasonable that +he should take the fullest knapsack. As a matter of fact, he had behaved +very well, and that was the truth. Because when she gave him the larger +knapsack, and wrote the address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, +and said not another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on him-- +they'd better not, or he'd know the reason why! + +Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky. + +When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he was not so +lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been brooding and +speculating ever since last summer, when the motor traffic started, and +did I think it would be a good idea for him to hire three grown men, too, +and build a much bigger house than Olaus's? + +So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian disease! + +The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her clothes; I +recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I hardly looked at them, +of course; just unpacked them, folded them neatly, and put them back in +the bag again; because no doubt Eilert had had them all out in a heap. +This was really my only reason for unpacking them. + + + + +XXIX + + +Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this year. + +They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the trading station +for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment through the valley to +order a car to meet them. Stordalen, Stordalen, they said. So they had +apparently not yet seen Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once. + +And what a sensation they made! + +They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could hear them a +long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the others. Eilert +dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to the landing place in +order to be the first on the spot. From Olaus's house, too, a man and a +few half-grown boys went down, and from all the houses round swarmed +curious and helpful crowds. There were so many spectators at the landing +place that the old man with the loud voice drew himself up to his full +height in the boat and majestically shouted his English at us, as though +his language must of course be ours as well: + +"Where's the car? Bring the car down!" + +Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his two boys +up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the Englishmen had +arrived. + +They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not understand +why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the meaning of this?" +There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. As they came up past +Eilert's house, they looked at their watches and swore because so many +minutes were being wasted. Where the devil was the car? The populace +followed at some distance, gazing with reverence on these dressed-up +fools. + +I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud voice--who +wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green canvas with braid +and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets all over it. What a man, +what a power! His beard, streaming out from under his nose like the +northern lights, was greenish-white, and he swore like a madman. Another +of the party was tall and bent, a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, +stupendous, with sloping shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly +arched eyebrows; he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I +measured him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth was +tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept him on the +move. + +"Stordalen!" he cried. + +England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. She +desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not other +countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a couple of +generations be converted to pederasty.... + +Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and everyone +raced to meet it. + +Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in meeting the +car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; were they not to +get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in the back seat for their +return journey and thus enjoyed the drive of a lifetime; but money! They +had acquired enough brazenness in the course of the summer not to +hesitate, and approached the loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms +and clamoring: "Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the +car forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best by +driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the horn, and a +rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay! + +The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious visitors. +Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear comparison with them! +"Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" "And did you see the other +one, the one with the skirts and the northern lights?" + +But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus family, had +more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the first time understood +what he had read in the paper so many times, that the Norwegian elementary +school is a worthless institution because it does not teach English to the +children of the lower orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip +merely because they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman +with the northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just wait!" They +had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for tires.... + + * * * * * + +I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I do so is +that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count her clothes to +make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake not to have done so at +once. + +It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and thinking about +them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is now evident that I was +right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him going upstairs, and when I +came in, he was turning out the bag and going through the clothes. + +"What are you doing?" I said. + +At first he tried to brazen it out. + +"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him was so +much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I wronged him, he +complained, and exploited him: + +"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got more for +them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still wanted more, like +the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. That was Eilert. Yet he +was not too bad; he had never been any better, and he certainly had grown +no worse with his new livelihood. + +May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood! + +So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in order to take +better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy everything up for the +second time, but it had to be done. Later that evening I would resume my +journey, taking the knapsack with me. I had done with the place, and the +nights were moonlit again. + +Enough of these clothes! + + + + +XXX + + +Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty years ago I +walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, snowy roads, on bare, +frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the hunt for love. How well I +remember it! But it is no longer the same moonlight. I could even read by +it the letter she gave me. But there are no such letters any more. + +Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk abroad on an +errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go across to the trading +center and dispatch a knapsack by the steamer; after that I shall wander +on. And that requires nothing but a little ordinary training in walking, +and the light of the moon to see by. But in those old days, those young +days, we studied the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a +moon on Twelfth Night, for we could use it then. + +Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the teller. + +They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: deeper +pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you have read +right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a self-interest +that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten when he stood on the +summit, forgotten his own self, his own _alias_, red and white, +blowing a golden horn. Now he stands no longer--no, he sits--it is less of +a strain to sit. But now there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and +stupid, the honor of old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man +on his feet can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But +honor is meant to be used, not to be sat with. + +Let sitting men wear warm stockings. + + * * * * * + +What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days of the +golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for the night; but +where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm her breath was, coming +between lips a little parted! She will come again, of course; let us wait, +we have plenty of time, another twenty years--oh, yes, she will come.... + +I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon the +honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that a barn is a +gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a barn for thee! + +No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies. + +And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn. + +Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is fitting that +I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in a huddle, small and +invisible. Anything else you please, as long as you don't flaunt your +selfishness and your rags! + +I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's knapsack full +of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is just the right size. +But sleep will not come; there are only thoughts and dreams and lines of +poetry and sentimentality. The sack smells human, and I fling it away, +laying my head on my arm. My arm smells of wood--not even wood. + +But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? And I +scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart tomorrow. Just a +line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a softness in the letters, a +womanliness--I don't know. + +It doesn't matter. + +I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is up and +about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet of wrapping +paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and seal it and write +on the outside. There! + +Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it inside, I mean. +Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As I continue on my way, +I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt because the knapsack was +quite heavy after all, and now I am well rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I +think suddenly. And as I walk on I think irrelevantly: "The last country, +the last island, the last pleasure...." + + + + +XXXI + + +What now? + +I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer behind me-- +no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no difference where I +stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought I might as well go there-- +why not? A man cannot forever sit by the sea, and it is not necessary to +misunderstand him if he decides to leave it. So he leaves his solitude-- +others have done so before him--and a mild curiosity drives him to see the +ships and the horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a certain town. +When he arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness if he does not +know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. The moonlight +is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a certain address to +visit evening after evening, and to take up his post there as though +something depended on it. He is not expected anywhere else, so he has the +time. Then one evening someone finds him reading under a lamppost, stops +suddenly and stares, takes a few steps toward him, and bends forward +searchingly. + +"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--" + +"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen." + +"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. Yes, thank +you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I understood all at once--I +quite understand--" + +"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!" + +"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to come up, +would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't." + +"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. Unless you're +cold?" I suggested. + +"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to." + +We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out walking. +There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole evening +undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all through a cold +autumn month. + +Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, some of it +only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; sometimes with her head +deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a question, replying by a brief word +or a shake of the head. I write it down from memory; it was important to +her, and it became important for others as well. + +Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we struggle? +In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs and letters and +think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" There are others about +whom nothing at all will be written or read; life will close over them +like a grave. Either way.... + +What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had been +unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the universe; +everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. Then she heard a +man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered Blakka yet?" That was +_his_ preoccupation. So she was not the center of the universe after +all. + +Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on their tour. +The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked across fields, and +through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, and water from the +brooks. If they met other travelers, they greeted them, or they did not +greet them; no one was less a center of attention than they, and no one +more. Her companion walked in vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he +went. + +At one place they stopped for food. + +"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said. + +She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for the time +being" all the way. + +"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. Perhaps we +can get a loan further down the valley." + +"I don't borrow." + +"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper. + +"What is it?" + +"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?" + +"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up. + +"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the visitors' book." + +She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and wife; that +was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. But she had been +very foolish to agree to it. + +"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered. + +And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and took her +knapsack on her back. + +They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both without +discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It grew to be a +habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end of the valley by the +sea, and here she revolted again. + +"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any more!" + +The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they saved +money by it, she replied that she for her part required no more than one +room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked again, whimpered, +"Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his back was bent. + +She ate alone that evening. + +"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the house. + +"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied. + +There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be interested in the +roof, in the style of building, and walked round looking at it, pursing +his lips and whistling. But she could see perfectly well from the window +that his face was blue and dejected. When she had eaten, she walked down +to the shore, calling as she passed him: + +"Go in and eat!" + +But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and slept +under no roof that night. + +It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last next +morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, everything +slipped back again to where it had been. + +They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail boat, when one +evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew him, and he knew them +both; she was thrown into a state of the greatest excitement, made ready +to leave at once, wept and beat her breast, and wanted to go home, +immediately, at once. It ended as such things usually end: when she had +calmed down, she went to bed for the night. She was not the center of the +universe, and the old acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did +not appear to be looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of +flight early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did. + +Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had leisure to +think things over calmly. She now broke with her companion in earnest. She +had a minor disagreement with him again, for he had no ticket, and one +word gave rise to the next. It was all very well for her, he said; she had +her return ticket in her pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved +in all these trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, +and was she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him her +purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was probably +enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of him. + +"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," he said, +and left her. + +She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She was in a +bad way now, so very different from what she had once thought; what shame, +what utter futility she had wandered into! She brooded till she was worn +out; then she began to listen to what people about her were saying. Two +men were huddled on benches trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one +of them say he was a schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. +The schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the bench. + +It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the wind. The +artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had a berth, but +when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He was on the point of +lighting his pipe, but stopped. + +"Go on, don't mind me," she said. + +So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her face. + +He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick reddish hair +under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his forehead. His chest was +broad and flat, but his back was round and his hands massive. A great +horse. + +Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had evidently +been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let the food stand. + +"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?" + +"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking plenty of +time over it; then sat still again. + +"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said. + +"Oh--haven't you come far?" + +"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?" + +"From the town. I've been on holiday." + +"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head. + +"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added. + +"The Tore Peak? So." + +"Do you know it?" + +"No, but I know some of the people there." + +A pause. + +"Josephine's there," he resumed. + +"Yes. Do you know her?" + +"Oh, no." + +They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat there talking; +it was all they had to do. She asked where he came from and what his trade +was, and it seemed he was nothing important, only a paltry carpenter, and +his mother had a small farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee? + +"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a little in +the saucer?" + +She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a bite of food +as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she had finished, she +thanked him for that, too. + +"Haven't you a berth?" he asked. + +"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll be sick." + +"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--" + +With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She watched his +back disappearing down the companion to the lower deck. + +She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might come and +take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized sandwich with the +carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; this sheltered corner +seemed to her like a tiny foothold in life. + +There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole tray in his +big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for walking so carefully. + +She threw up her hands and overdid things a little: + +"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!" + +"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--" + +They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back half-dozing. +Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter lighting his pipe; +he struck two or three matches at once, but he was in no hurry; they were +always half burned before he put his pipe in his mouth and began to suck +at it. The schoolmaster called something to him, drew his attention to +something far inland, but the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing. + +"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought. + +At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he had been +below in the cabin. + +"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked. + +She did not reply. + +The carpenter looked from one to the other. + +"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion playfully. He stood +waiting a moment, and finally went away. + +"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," he was +thinking. + +"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up. + +"Oh, I'll be there some time." + +"What are you doing there?" + +He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she could see +at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his elbows on his +knees before he replied. + +"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, maybe. It +all depends." + +"Oh, I see." + +"What do you think of it?" he asked. + +"I think it's a good idea." + +"Do you?" + +They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward evening it +turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff with sitting, she +got up and stamped her feet, and when she had stamped till she was tired, +she sat down again. Once when she was standing a little distance away, she +saw the carpenter place a parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat +for her. + +Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, the wind +blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried: + +"Ingeborg, go below, will you!" + +"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship heeled over +on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to take a few skips to +keep her balance. + +"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do you hear? I +mean it, by all that's holy!" + +"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared. + +At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and sandwiches +again. + +"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said. + +He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if she thought +it was good enough. + +"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you someone to go +to?" + +"Oh, yes, I have a sister." + +Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it over, +looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When he had +finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had finished that one, +too, he said: + +"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, I'd better +learn something. And what with the farm as well--" + +"Yes, indeed." + +"You think so too?" + +"Oh, yes. I think so." + +Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private affairs of +her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got up. + +As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and said: + +"My name is Nikolai." + +"Oh, yes?" + +"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the town's +too big--" + +"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your kindness. +Good-bye." + + + + +XXXII + + +I ask Miss Torsen: + +"Have you met the carpenter since?" + +"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him because he's +a sort of mutual acquaintance." + +"Acquaintance?" + +"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens to be the +brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the Tore Peak farm +last summer." + +"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same family." + +"And that's why I've told you all this about him." + +"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, did you? So +you must have met him since." + +"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but not to +speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so on. Then he +said he was her brother." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"It was just in passing, quite by accident." + +This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of things are +accidental! It was an accident that I should have stopped under a +particular lamppost to look up something, to read a few lines. And then +you happened to live there." + +"That's right." + +"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I said. + +"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone." + +"No?" + +"You have to be pretty naive to marry." + +"Well, I don't know that being naive does any harm--being not quite so +clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being cheated. +Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever enough." + +"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect you +against being cheated. What else would it do?" + +"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness so much +that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from bad to worse, +because why should we worry? After all we've got our cleverness to help +get us out of the mess!" + +"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!" + +"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last summer, +you know." + +"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I came back +to town again it was as though--" + +A pause. + +"I don't know what to think," she said. + +"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the old days +people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary schools and the +right to vote; they lived their lives on a different plane, they were +naive. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty good way to live. Of course people +were cheated in those days, too, but they didn't smart under it so; they +bore it with greater natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance." + +"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of course that's +all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We can't change the +times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up with the times." + +"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it used to +say so in the _Neue Freie Presse_. But a person with character goes +his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a different way." + +"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she said, +stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the day." + +"Do you?" I said. + +"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good thing?" + +"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?" + +"Ha, ha!" + +"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!" + +"Oh, I don't know." + +"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first you have +to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or possibly a +pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass through." + +"His valley? Whose valley?" + +"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the housekeeping +you're going to need from her." + +"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, "you're quite +on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't anybody." + +"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody." + +"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want." + +"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and handsome +enough and capable enough." + +"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good night." + +Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, almost at a +run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said more, to have been +wise and circumstantial and made useful suggestions, but I was left +standing in a kind of stupid surprise. + +Then something happened. + +"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the next time +we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a short walk? I was +just--" + +"Going to post a letter, I see." + +"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--" + +We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently an +advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation. + +As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She turned a deep +red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two stone steps leading +from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to her chest, as though she +were looking very carefully at the steps before venturing to come down +them. They greeted each other again; the stranger shook her hand, and they +began to talk. + +He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair beard, and +dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. He wore a top +hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with silk. + +I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which they had +enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had been quite a +party, first out driving, then at supper together. It was a memory they +had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She seemed a little +embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to look at the illustrated +papers displayed in the window, when suddenly the thought struck me: "Good +God, she's in love!" + +"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed something, +agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he left her. + +She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about some of the +pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" But she gazed at +them without seeing anything. Silently we walked on, and for several +minutes, at least, she said nothing. + +"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally. + +"Is that who it was?" I asked. + +"His name's Flaten." + +"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is he?" + +"His father's a merchant." + +"But he himself?" + +"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know." + +"Yes, but what about _him_; what does he do?" + +"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His father's +so rich, you know." + +I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid countryman's +shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of horses, while the owners +were busy making purchases in the shop. + +"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws money +about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all whisper, 'That's +Flaten!'" + +"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said. + +"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses well--always has." + +"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly. + +She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod: + +"Yes." + +"What--that dandy?" + +"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, spent a lot of +time together. It's really based on a firm foundation. He's the only man +I've ever been in love with in all my life, and it's lasted many years. +Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget him, but the moment I see him again, I'm +as much in love as ever. I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but +that doesn't change it. It's queer." + +"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and asked nothing +more. + +When we parted, I said: + +"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?" + +"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near there, and I +can show you if you like. What do you want to see him for?" + +"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a competent +master." + + * * * * * + +Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? Yet I have +visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in stature, strong and +plain-featured, a man of few words. Last Saturday we saw the town +together; why, I don't know, but I suggested it myself. + +I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the weather +was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very little now; she +had changed so much since returning to the town. She had become more the +ordinary type of girl, not in any one thing, but in general. She thought +of nothing but vanities and nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten +her last summer's wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at +school again, in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and +this occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence. + +"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going to school +again; I've been going to school ever since I was a child. I'm no good at +anything else. I can only learn--that's what I'm used to. There isn't much +I can think or do on my own, and I don't enjoy it either. So what do you +expect?" + +No, what could I expect? + +Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised at +anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics on +horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I thought tigers +were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head seemed preoccupied with +other thoughts, and he paid little attention to the women riders who were +doing their tricks. + +On the way home he said: + +"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the _Krone_ +with me tomorrow evening?" + +"The _Krone_--what's that?" + +"It's a place where they dance." + +"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much like +dancing?" + +"No, not much." + +"You want to see what goes on there?" + +"Yes." + +"All right, I'll go." + + * * * * * + +It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, that the +carpenter and I went to the dance. + +He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch chain. +But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well in anything. +He had such remarkable strength that it was never necessary for him to +give way; this had lent him assurance and authority. If you spoke to him, +he was slow to reply, and if you slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow +in turning round to see who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, +good-humored companion. + +We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the window was +closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the hall was let to a +private club for the first two hours of the evening. + +A few young people came along as we were standing there, read the notice, +and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, looked round, and +went in through the gate as though looking for someone. + +"We can't do anything about it," I called after him. + +"No," he said. "But I wonder--?" + +He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows. + +A man came down the stairs. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter still showed +no inclination to return from the yard. + +The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He explained, like +the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the first two hours. + +"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion. + +But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while waiting for +him. + +"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but just the same +they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you see." + +They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they danced as +though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, well, young +people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening at home; they wanted +to work off the week's idleness in two hours, so they danced. Not unusual, +really. + +"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two hours than +in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal people--they don't count +the pennies. And yet there's no wear and tear, because of course people +like that don't dance on their heels." + +The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to us. + +"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?" + +"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. "It's a +private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for instance, I don't even +know who they are. The money just came by special messenger." + +"It's Flaten," said the carpenter. + +"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know it. "Mr. +Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always in fashionable +company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, I must have another +look round the hall--" + +The landlord left us. + +But the carpenter followed him. + +"Couldn't we look on?" he asked. + +"What, at the dancing? Oh, no." + +"In a corner somewhere?" + +"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and daughter in-- +nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it." + +"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last time. + +"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back. + +"So you knew about this party?" I said. + +"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday." + +"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?" + +"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery." + +We walked on down the street, each busy with his own thoughts--or perhaps +with the same thought. I, at least, was furious. + +"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to buy +tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!" + +"No." + +Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It was +preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like a third +party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? A thought +struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I could: + +"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say anything +about that?" + +"No," he replied. + +"Didn't she say anything about me?" + +"No." + +"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to lie!" I was +highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out of the carpenter. + +Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the _Krone_. Nikolai turned +and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept straight on, he +hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard him once sighing heavily. + + +We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made myself +agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer together, then +went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting gallery. Finally we went to +a skittle ground, where we stayed for some time. Nikolai was the first to +want to leave; he looked at his watch, and was suddenly in a tearing +hurry. He was hardly even willing to finish the game. + +We had to pass the _Krone_ again. The cars had gone. + +"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very disappointed. I +believe he would have liked to be present when the party came out to enter +their cars. He looked up and down the empty street and repeated, "Just as +I thought!" He was suddenly anxious to go home. + +"No, let's go inside," I said. + + * * * * * + +It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, and a +throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery looking on. + +There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, shop +assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently seamstresses, +servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of light-footed damsels +who had no daytime occupation. The floor was crowded with dancers. In +addition to a constable whose duty it was to intervene if necessity arose, +the establishment had its own commissionaire, who walked about the hall +with a stick, keeping an eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance +was finished, the gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten +_oere_. If anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire +would tap him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and might, as a +last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably maintained. + +Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed a man who +was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping once--tall, swarthy, +lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered round him. + +"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I thought. + +"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai. + +"Oh, no," he replied with a smile. + +"Then we can leave any time you like." + +"All right," he said and remained seated. + +"Your thoughts seem to be far away." + +A long pause. + +"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to carry all the +manure and the wood myself." + +"So that's why you're so strong." + +"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the winter." + +"Yes, of course you will." + +"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent. + +"Yes?" + +"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with me this +winter, though--I've got a small spare room." + +"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea. + +"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter. + +Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, there he +was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore Peak. He was +standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he was Solem--"Solem, my +lad." He appeared not to be in the company of any one lady, for I saw him +choosing partners indiscriminately. Then he chose the wrong lady, and her +partner shook his head and said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the +couple to dance the next dance, and when it was finished, approached again +and bowed to the lady. Once more he was refused. + +The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, who could +tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without trimming. How +quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, but what a gentle +one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that of a repentant sinner. +Peerless! + +This was a woman for Solem. + +It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman that he +began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my lad." But his +boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he would show them an +image of sin! There was no sting in it; just old, familiar rubbish these +people had heard before. The commissionaire crossed over to him and asked +him to be quiet, pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. +This pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself said: +"Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of the Grecian +and her partner. + +He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other partners to +dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the late-comers having by this +time arrived. Many were crowded off the floor and had to wait, rushing to +get first place in the next dance instead. + +Then something happened. + +A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he was getting +up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and her partner, both +of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely clumsy as he rose that his +long arms and legs brought down a third couple. In a few minutes there was +a squirming heap on the floor; screams and oaths were heard, people grew +angry and kicked one another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster +with sincere and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them with his +stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself assisted him, and +the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting with the better part of +valor, slipped out of the room and did not return. + +Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing their shins, +dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others swearing. The Grecian +lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his temple, and put his hands to +his head in a daze. Questions were being asked about that--what was his +name?--that tall fellow who had started all the trouble. "Solem," said +some of the ladies. Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. +"Go and find him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," +said the ladies. + +Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him! + +But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from the floor +clung to her black dress, making it look as though spangled with stardust. +Submissively she accepted the lot of lying under all the others, entwined +in their legs, and smiled when someone pointed out to her that the comb in +her Grecian knot was crushed. + + + + +XXXIII + + +Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the snowplow at +home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years ago. + +Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. I sit in +the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been observant, he +would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, my absurdity +augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he was a child. In the +end I left it all behind me, and took my proper seat. My address is the +chimney corner. + +Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and Anglo-Saxon claptrap +in the town. This is my desolate period; my wheels stop, my hair stops +growing, my nails stop growing, everything stops growing but the days of +my life. And it is well that my days increase--from now on it is well. + +Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has got an +overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really need it, he +says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; and it was dear, +twenty _kroner_, but he got it for eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is +much happier about his overcoat than Flaten is about his. + +But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. His +friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of bachelordom, +for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told me this; I met her by +accident again under her own lamppost, and she told me then. + +"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said. + +"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a long time. +Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't know." + +"I think you've hit the truth there." + +She looked startled. + +"What do you mean?" + +"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were straight and +competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you wanted. What's happened +to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no longer reason to be bitter?" + +This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and meant well. + +She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said something +very sensible: + +"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you things exactly +as they were. I lost my post, which was a very serious matter. This made +me reflect for a time; that's true. But then--I don't know--I'm quite +adult, but not adult enough. I have two sisters who are really steady; +they're married and quite settled, though they're younger than I. I don't +know what's wrong with me." + +"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked. + +"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it." + +A pause. + +"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. "It might +have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you about the dinner +party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they thought of!" + +She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a great many +pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too bad. First they +had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of all, Flaten was sent +an invitation, of course, and it consisted of a painting, a very +emancipated painting in a frame, the only written words being the date and +the place, and the legend: _Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, +Bacchanales_. Then there were speeches for him who was about to leave +them, and generally speaking a most deafening shouting over the +wineglasses. And there was music, with someone of the company playing all +the time. + +But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, and girls +with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As there had been a +great deal of champagne, however, this part of the program tended to +deteriorate into something different, and the girls had to be sent away. +Then the gentlemen went down to the hotel lobby and stood at the door +watching for "opportunities." + +There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of clothes. +Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent forward over +the child to shelter it as she walked. + +"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your child!" + +"Yes, he's mine." + +"What, a boy?" + +"Yes." + +They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a servant +girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, who were both +short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected it carefully. + +"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says. + +"No," says the girl in confusion. + +That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first one +admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it over the +girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin and made it +smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and dirt all in one +little bundle. + +"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!" + +"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," they said. +"Where do you live?" to the girl. + +"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"_Have_ lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of them said, +taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and a great deal of +money was pushed into the girl's hand. + +"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her such a nasty +question," said the first of them. + +"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same thing, +but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a maiden!" + +A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then Bengt hailed +a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after her. + +"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the driver. + +Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. The group +were rather silent after this. + +"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about the money?" + + +"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old woman!" + +They grew cheerful again, and there were further "opportunities." A +peasant came down the street with a cow he was taking to the butcher's. + +"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your cow?" young +Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his head. So they bought +the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a minute," they said to the +peasant. Then they put a label on the cow, addressed to a lady they knew. + +"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant. + +By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned. + +"Where have _you_ been?" they asked in surprise. + +"The old lady said yes," was all he replied. + +"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, let's go to +the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old lady, too! What are we +standing here for? Let's walk into the bar!" + +_"Walk!"_ someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, cars!" + +The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it was +getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing time and +people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars arrived, ten of +them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered them. + +"Where to?" asked the drivers. + +"Next door," they said. + +So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that being the +bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the drivers. + +The bar was closed. + +"Shall we break in?" they said. + +"Of course," they said. + +So they all ran against the door together, till it said _ump!_ and +flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, shouting, and they caught +hold of him, slapped him on the back, and embraced him. Then they went +behind the counter and got out bottles for him and for themselves, +drinking and shouting hurrah for the baby, for Bengt's mother, for the +baby's mother, for the night watchman, for love and for life. When they +had done, they put some banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied +a handkerchief over them. Then they went back to the dining room. + +The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom slipper lined +with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long as they had the +strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. Then Flaten began to +distribute souvenirs among them. One got his watch, another his pocketbook +(which was empty), a third his tie pin. After this he went on to his +shoes, giving one to each of two friends, his trousers to another, and his +shirt to still another, till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they +collected quilts from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk +eiderdown quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. +He slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for some +more clothes. And then the party began all over again.... + +Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten one or two +details which she filled in afterwards. + +"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said. + +"And for the baby itself," I said. + +"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a tale!" + +"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that." + +"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the money +they settled on the child." + +"You'll change your mind about that, too." + +"Shall I? Why? When?" + +"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you." + +"Ugh, how can you say such things!" + +She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly offended. +To restore her to good humor I asked at random: + +"What sort of food did you get at the party?" + +"Don't know," she replied. + +"Don't you know?" + +"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest amazement. + +"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--" + +"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still more +offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the summer, and +tore them apart again. + +"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only thought +you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do learn cooking and +such in the daytime." + +"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your speech to suit +my narrow outlook!" + +A pause. + +"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked about the +food, only I forgot." + +She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to talk +about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured: + +"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry." + +"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you want to know +for? You don't know her." + +"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I persisted. + +"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I do! Flaten, +Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to enter his father's +firm!" + +"I only thought once he's married--" + +"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his father's +firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's so funny about +that?" + +"I'm not laughing." + +"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since Lind +publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human journal, he +says." + +"A human journal?" + +"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, almost +throwing the words into my face. + +She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did not +understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? Yes, perhaps +I ought." Then she began to cry. + +"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more." + +"You're not tormenting me." + +"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right note." + +"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--" + +What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing so +interesting as a question about oneself, I said: + +"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. Perhaps--well, not at +once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you that--well, that he's going +his own way now. But remember--" + +"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really mean +anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him." + +"But you said he was the only one!" + +"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course I've been +in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten was very nice, +and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or something like that. +And of course I was proud of his paying attention to me in spite of my +having lost my post. I think I could have got a job in his father's shop +but--anyhow, I'm looking for a job now." + +"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one." + +"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That is, I +shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old Flaten's +shop--I shouldn't fit in there." + +"Not very good pay either, I expect?" + +"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too much for it. +That wretched academic training of mine does nothing but harm. Oh, well, +let's not talk any more about me. It must be late; I'd better go." + +I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought about her +ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and an invisible sky. +No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man is served with a wife +who is nothing but a student. Why has no one in the country noticed what +the young women are coming to! Miss Torsen's tale of the wild party proved +how accustomed she was to sitting and listening, and then herself +disgorging endless tales. She had done it very well and not omitted much, +but she paid attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, +one who had studied her life away. + +When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the same time; +she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed this from the fact +that she was not in the least breathless as she spoke. + +"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said. + +"My dear girl--?" + +"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry about +that. Please be kind and forgive me." + +She took my hand and shook it. + +In my amazement I stammered: + +"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now don't +stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you walking back?" + + +"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening." + +"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--" + +"No, thank you." + +She pressed my hand firmly and left me. + +I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! Nevertheless I +stole after her to see that she got home safely. + + * * * * * + +It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that spirit of +labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she came to pay me a +visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked with her again and called +her Josefriendly. + +How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about all of them, +but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank much now; but he did +little of anything else either, and had definitely lost interest in his +work. He wanted to sell the farm. He wanted to try carting and delivery by +horse cart in Stordalen. I asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; +Einar, one of the cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all +depended on Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it. + +I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man with +mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was ninety, who +smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and asked Josephine: + +"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?" + +"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared hope. We +must be thankful he's still on his feet." + +I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought it all +quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the ladies who +rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one of the great +churches, too, and found her way there alone. For several days she was in +the town and did a good deal of shopping. I never once saw her dejected or +brooding about anything, and at length she said good-bye, because she was +going back next day. + +Oh, so she was going home? + +Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to see Miss +Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course he had never +sent it. + +"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, and turned +quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it very easy either, +because she asked me to wait till next day, but she gave it to me then." + +So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. +She had just visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met +Miss Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had seen +him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she was not a +one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock as well. As far as +that was concerned, she had some woolen blankets, and two beds complete +with bedding, too, nor did she lack clothes: she had many changes, both +underthings and top ones. Yet in spite of that she had started some more +weaving. + +I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had had no +inkling-- + +No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting the troth +and all. But that had been their intention. Because otherwise why should +that schoolmistress, that sister of his, Sophie Palm, have come up and +stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak farm for two whole summers, and +behaved as though she were a lady? No, thank you, that was the end of +that. Anyhow, that was what she, Josephine, had thought once, but it was a +Providence that it wasn't going to happen, because there would never have +been anything but trouble. So it was just as well. + +Suddenly Josephine caught herself up: + +"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my weaving. +Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your hospitality." + + + + +XXXIV + + +It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied Nikolai +to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any case, he had +decided to go home and fell timber in the woods. + +It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by Nikolai's father, +while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and built on a second story. +He has plenty of room for me; I have a small room to myself. + +His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to see to, +and usually she is washing something or other, even if it is nothing more +than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the kitchen stove, and keeps +her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, and strains her milk through a +muslin cloth, which she afterward washes and rinses twice. But she picks +food remnants from between the prongs of forks with a hairpin! + +A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix hang on +the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves with oddments, +including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are still simple and +orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture in the house, the +chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly constructed chest, have all +been made by Nikolai himself. + +Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the day after +we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his mother. When I +asked for him, she said: + +"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the woods." + +His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she cannot be +much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and big-muscled, with a fair +complexion and thick, graying hair, a veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are +good companions to her hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good +enough to see far and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, +like all the peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut. + +I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For nearly a +generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects herself. "Sophie is +four and twenty now, and it was the year after her birth that he died." + +They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and twenty. + +I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I cannot +make it tally. + +Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had gone to +school and passed an examination, and now held such an important post. Of +course her inheritance was used up, but she had her learning instead. +Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, handsome girl, Sophie--look, +here is her portrait. + +I said I had met her at Tore Peak. + +At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be among her +equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came home every year, +too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I had met her at Tore Peak? + + +Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made myself +slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance almost to the +point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. And now it becomes +evident that his brain works well, too. He should have had a horse, yes, +but he cannot keep a horse till he can provide more fodder. But he cannot +buy more pasture land till he has more money. But he was learning more +about his trade in the town, and when he had finished his course of +training, he would earn more money. After that he would buy a horse. + +I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the farmers +cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no poverty. Here +were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the walls, as at Petra's; +but good, thick furs with woven backs hung over the doors, and the +children looked healthy and well-fed. The neighbors all knew I lived at +Petra's house; every visitor to this district lived at Petra's house--had +done so as long as they could remember. I could sense no hostility to +Petra in these silent people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, +and he was quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a +bachelor; he had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, +at some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra? + +The schoolmaster gossiped thus: + +People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always used to live +at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, and the engineer that +planned the big road lived there, and so did the two traveling preachers, +to say nothing of the itinerant peddlers who toured the district all the +year round. So it went on for many a year, with the children growing up, +and Petra getting big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big +merchant--a wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, +with his own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were +glass panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with Petra, +and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that the child +Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and saw him, he +stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm added two rooms to +the house, for it was his intention to open a shop there. But when he had +built honestly and well, he died. His widow was left with two small +children, but she had means enough, for Palm had had plenty of money. Then +why did not Petra remarry? She could have got a man in spite of the +handicap of two small children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. +But from her childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled +by this love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them stayed +there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was shameful. Her +parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had always been their way of +living, and besides it brought them a little money. So the years went by. +When the children were grown and Sophie was out of the way, she might have +married even then, for she still had half her money left, and being +childless again, it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +_was_ too late, she said; it was the children's turn to marry now, +she said. + +"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said. + +"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know whether anyone +has asked her this year, but last year there was someone--one person--or +so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra didn't want to. If I could +only guess what she's waiting for." + +"Perhaps she's not waiting at all." + +"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she takes in +all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a public nuisance +of herself...." + +As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood Petra's +arithmetic much better. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have remained +behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes a dead man of +me in any case. + +To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that Nikolai is +going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate what it will cost +him, with drainage and everything: a bare two hundred _kroner_. Then +he could keep a horse. It would have been an act of charity to give him +this money in case his mother could not. He could have added another field +to his land then. + +"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the two hundred +_kroner_ he needs for fodder for a horse?" + +"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered. + +"That makes six." + +"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred _kroners_ lying about." + +"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?" + +A pause. Then: + +"He can break the ground himself." + +I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has his own +problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that each one of us +struggles for himself as though he had a hundred years to live. I once +knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a large farm, the produce of +which they sold. Both were well-to-do bachelors without heirs. But both +had diseased lungs, the younger brother's much worse than the elder's. In +the spring, the younger brother became permanently bedridden, but though +he approached his end, he still maintained an interest in everything that +went on at the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called +his brother in. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"Only someone to buy eggs." + +"What's the price per score now?" + +His brother told him. + +"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned. + +A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his sixty-seventh +year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody came to buy eggs, he +always gave him the smallest.... + +"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time breaking +his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his trade he'll earn +more!" + +"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy their chairs +and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper." + +"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?" + +"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just wants to be +a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he can do as he likes." + +"Well, what else could he do?" + +A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she says: + +"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the summer, both +at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time we had two Danes +living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you had a horse, you could +have driven us here,' they said to me." + +"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the bag!" + +"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and 'There are +high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in the fjord and fish +in the river; there are lots of things here, and there's a broad road +here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to them and heard it all, too. +'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we can't get away again unless we +walk.'" + +Just to say something, I asked her: + +"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?" + +"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the big mouth +replied. + +"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued: + +"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to get a +horse, wouldn't he?" + +"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied. + +"It's four hundred _kroner_." + +"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty." + +"But this land won't feed a horse!" + +"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy sacks of oats +on the headland." + +"That's eighteen _kroner_ a sack." + +"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first tourist." + +Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, and had +grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had she not put two +snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The money for coffee, for +the bed at night and waffles in the morning, had grown so dear to her that +she hid it away, watched it increase, and grew rich on it. She did not +produce like other peasant women, but no one can do everything at one +time, and Petra was a parasite. She did not want to live by earning +something; she wanted to live on the tourists who earned enough +themselves, and could afford to come. + +Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all works out as +it should--and it probably will. + + * * * * * + +It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, and I +harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is hard, I shall +walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I shall do. + +But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, who is +cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in Nikolai's workshop, +where there are many kinds of planes and saws and drills and lathes, and +there I fashion strange things. For the small boys of the neighboring +farm, I make a windmill that will really turn in the wind. It whirls and +rattles well, and I remember my own childhood when we called this +apparatus onomatopoeically a _windwhirr_. + +Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well as I can, +which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do I blame +anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of omnipotence? +For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods with my hands folded +on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a moment by an occasional +memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in surprise. Can this be an iron in +the fire? It is not, for it fades again, and I am left behind in a quiet +melancholy. + +But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled with a +heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and pictures rise in +my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones: + + We came from the meadow + and downy heather; + we came from friendship, + too-loo-loo-lay! + A star that watched + saw lips meet lips. + None else so dear, + so sweet as you. + + Those youthful days, + those happy days, + unmatched since then! + but what am I now? + The bees once swarmed, + the swan once played. + There's no play now, + yet too-loo-loo-lay! + +I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still resounding +within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at least. + +There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? The letter +is as follows: + + +Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you about +something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon as you come +back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say no. + +Yours, + +Ingeborg Torsen + +I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm going to +Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing myself in the +affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old uncle, that I can be +summoned hither and thither to give advice? Excuse me, but I am going to +assert myself and become quite inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I +have planned a big journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very +important to me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the +mind of man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at all +displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I am so +pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall soon see the +town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and its ships. + +But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's and got my +address? Or has she met Nikolai? + +I left at once. + + + + +XXXV + + +My landlady was surprised. + +"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your mail." + +"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a jewel." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my address to +someone." + +"No, indeed; I swear I haven't." + +"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're right, I am +happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early and walk down by the +shore." + +"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't wrong of +me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you arrived." + +"A lady? You sent a message just now?" + +"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome lady; she +might have been your daughter, you know." + +"Thank you." + +"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at once, because +she had to see you about something." + +The landlady left me. + +So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have happened. +She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, everything was neat +and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. There, she can have that chair; +I'd better light the other lamp, too. It might not be a bad idea to sit +down to my correspondence; that would make a good impression, and if I put +some letters in a small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a +little jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now.... + +Then she knocked and came in. + +I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely drew out a +chair for her. + +"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen to send me +a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little embarrassed about +it, but--" + +I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to pound. Why +should my heart be affected? + +"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, expectant and on +the defensive. + +"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She began to clasp +her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of her gloves projected +beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of great excitement. + +"Perhaps _now_ I've done something you'll approve of?" she said, +suddenly pulling off her glove. + +She had a ring on her finger. + +"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to understand more +later, and merely asked: + +"Are you engaged?" + +"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though her mouth +shook. + +I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, "Well, now, +well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed formally, and +said: "My heartiest congratulations!" + +"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the best thing +to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or rash or--well, +don't you?" + +"Oh, I don't know--" + +"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd tell you." + +I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I had only +risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to smoke. + +A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the minutes +passed and I saw she was distressed, I said: + +"Why did you want to tell me this?" + +"Yes--why did I?" + +"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the world again, +but--" + +"Yes, I expect so." + +She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; she had +been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. I rose, too. +An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good heavens, what could +I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, and at the same time looked +very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? But as she got up, I could see her +face better under her hat--I could see her hair--the hair that was +beginning to show silken and silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! +She was tall and handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her +great breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly dry-- + +"Miss Ingeborg!" + +It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand toward her +slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I don't know-- + +But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her eyes had +grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place again, as she walked +toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped me. + +"What's the matter?" she asked. + +"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me more." + +"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the universe. +Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, and you--well, of +course, you're busy with your extensive correspondence." + +"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the letters; +they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, probably from complete +strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; you owe me that much. Look, I +shan't even read the letters." + +And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire. + +"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, trying to +save them. + +"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me through the +post, and sorrows I do not seek." + +She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point of +touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught myself in +time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and sympathetically +as I could: + +"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for the best; +you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better." + +No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank into her +chair almost absently. + +"I'm not unhappy," she said. + +"Aren't you? So much the better!" + +I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain myself, +to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I talked to distract +her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I could hear it buzzing. +What could I say? A little of everything--a great deal, in fact: + +"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky man? Nice +of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very nice; thank you very +much. You see I've only just come home and I haven't slept much on the +journey. I was anxious to know--well, perhaps not anxious exactly--but +still--You know what such a homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I +hardly got any sleep. Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you +for coming, Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a +child; that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give you +advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can quite safely-- +I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? Young, of course. I +am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss Ingeborg, in your new +condition. I mean, it will be so entirely different from what you've been +accustomed to, but God bless you, it will all turn out for the best, I'm +sure of that--" + +"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at me +apprehensively again. + +"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who is it? A +dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a schoolmaster perhaps, a +clever young schoolmaster--" + +She shook her head. + +"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--" + +"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly. + +"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry you on his +paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you for your +birthday?" + +But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the first +time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the wall, then at +another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop now, after having +spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and feeling profoundly excited +besides--heaven only knows why. + +"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could not see the +drift of this question, I merely looked at her. + +"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted. + +"Yes." + +"What is she like?" + +"Are you interested in her?" + +"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily. + +"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly engaged! What +the country was like? Well, there was a schoolmaster--you know, an old +bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he knew me, and put on the most +extraordinary airs the first day. And of course I returned the compliment +and said I had come exclusively to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why +should it be?' I said; 'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, +permanent churchman, chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I +attended his class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he +had an audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was riding +on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The man,' Peter +replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, Peter--maybe the man was +riding. Just like sin, like the devil riding us....'" + +But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me again. I +changed the subject clumsily: + +"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore Peak, for +instance. Josephine has been in town." + +"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head. + +"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever forget him. In +a certain number of years I shall be like him--perhaps not quite so old. +Then I shall be a child again with age. One day he came out, and went down +to the field. I saw him; he had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of +things, and I saw him lie down and eat the hay." + +She stared at me foolishly. + +"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before--possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had been +left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next tourist year." + +"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer me up, +because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps he's too good +for me; that's what his sister seems to think, anyhow, because she tried +to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, +I'm not unhappy, and that isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much +rather have him than anyone else--since I can't get the one I really +want." + +"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But the man you +want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that you didn't belong +with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I mean--" + +"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the place I'm +going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for anybody--at least I +can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how I'll manage. I wonder if +he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my very best; I've made up my mind +to that." + +"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. I can't +believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly in love, and +you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come through with flying +colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable and intelligent." + +"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she hesitated over +something, and seemed about to speak, then changed her mind again. At the +door, she stood with her back to me, pulling on her gloves, and said: + +"So you think I ought to do it?" + +I was taken aback by the question, and replied: + +"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?" + +"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can tell from +your manner that I've done the right thing." + +"Well, I don't know. I can't tell." + +I crossed the room to her. + +"Who is it?" + +"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good night." + +She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking at the +floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled helplessly +round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door and was gone. I +called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, and hurried after her. +An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened the street door. An empty +street. She must have run. + +"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought. + + * * * * * + +One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all the usual +places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go up to her home and +inquire about her. At first this did not seem to me too improper, but when +it came to the point, I hesitated. There is, after all, something to be +lost by making a fool of oneself. But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, +of course, but still-- + +A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; I hope +she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home and ring the +bell.... + +She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, last +week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai. + + * * * * * + +March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling how much +longer it may still last. That's what March is for. + +I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger entertainment at +the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my friend. You saw how +cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you even took part yourself, and +you carry about a broken rib as a cherished little memento of the +occasion. I saw it all from a slight distance away, ten miles, to be +exact; no people were near me, but there were seven heavens above. + +And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to say about +the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the harvest at the +theater--in dollars, and in sterling. + +The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. There he +goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all his glory. By +next year, he will have dragged other progressive people in his wake; he +will have dressed up Norway still more, and made it still more attractive +to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, and more sterling. + +What, do I hear someone objecting? + +Yes, Switzerland. + +Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her thus: +"Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can squeeze so much +profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at such clockwork? +Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want to rob you; there are no +pickpockets at this table. Here's to you!" + +But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves and fight. +There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and our rival--is +Switzerland. + + * * * * * + +Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room. + +"What, is it spring?" + +"Oh, it's getting on." + +"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should very much +have liked to stay, because this is really where I belong; but what more +can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. Do you understand me? I grieve +continually, and my heart sits wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is +spinning coins: I toss a coin into the air and wait. When I came here last +autumn I wasn't so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger +then, yet I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn." + +"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three weeks ago, +when you came back from the country, you were so happy!" + +"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so fast, and +nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, never mind; at all +events, I shall go away. I must travel when the spring comes. I have +always done so in the past, and I want to do the same thing now. Sit down, +Mrs. Henriksen." + +"No, thank you, I'm too busy." + +Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you were last +autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, don't you? Dear +Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit stockings for the +whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your family together like a +mother. But you mustn't let your little Louise sit for twelve years on a +school form. If you do, you'll hardly ever see her all through her youth, +those formative years of her life. And then she can't be like you or learn +from you. She'll learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn +to be a mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and +family together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is not +food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of continual famine +for her soul. + +"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?" + +"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go aboard a +steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I will go ashore. +If I find, on looking about me, that I have traveled too far or not far +enough, I shall board a ship again and sail on. Once I walked across into +Sweden as far as Kalmar and even Oeland, but that was too far, so I turned +back. No one cares to know where I am, least of all myself." + + + + +XXXVI + + +You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of two years. + +And now it is spring again.... + +It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for there is +music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the tightrope walker +is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every sort throng the +village. The crowds are great, and there is even a sprinkling of +Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and whinny, cows low, and +trading is brisk. + +In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great cow of +silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the local farmers +stop to admire. + +"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a laugh. + +"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh. + +"Why, do you want to buy her?" + +"No, haven't got fodder enough this year." + +A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of this +window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive back. He +stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no doubt, for now +and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure enough, entering the +shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he intends to buy the silver cow! + + +It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth is he +doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might as well go the +whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the goldsmith's window myself, +mingling with the other spectators, and watching the door. + +At last the man re-emerges--yes, it _is_ Nikolai. It was his back and +hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks splendid. Imagine +Carpenter Nikolai being here! + +We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and ponderously by +the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get on. Yes, of course, he +has gone into the shop on business, in a kind of way. + +"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?" + +"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In fact, I didn't +buy anything." + +By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells me that he +has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it into pasture, and his +wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she lives in health to this day. + +"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?" + +"Yes, I came last winter. In December." + +"What a pity I didn't know!" + +I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I was in a +hurry, there was some business--- + +"Yes, I understand," he said. + +We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. Besides, he had +other business to attend to; he cannot absent himself from the farm for +long, and had to return next day. + +"Have you bought your horse yet?" + +"Well, no, I haven't." + +"Do you think you will?" + +"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and twenty +_kroner_." + +Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to do a +great deal of business there. + +"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's spring, and +do I not always travel in the spring?" + +I began to pack my knapsack. + +Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had entered. I +opened my window and called to him to ask if he had bought the horse. + +"N-no--the man won't meet my price." + +"Well, can't you meet his?" + +"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got enough +money on me." + +"I could lend you some." + +At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer were a fairy +tale. + +"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away. + +"Where are you going now?" I asked. + +"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--" + +Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that at all. +He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter without +stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That was all. But as +I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped packing, nor would I ask +Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I went out for a walk in the +town. I had as much right to do that as anyone. + +I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to exchange a few +words. + +"Is it yours?" + +"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he replied with +a smile. + +We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the horse. She +was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat and an off-white +mane and tail--a perfect little lady. + +That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for a chat +about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was saying good-bye at +the door, he seemed struck by a sudden thought. + +"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but you could +get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there day after +tomorrow," he added. + +How could I offend him again? + +We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at the +frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack all the way, +as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested that we should share +the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I think Nikolai wanted to +spare the little tawny lady. + +At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and carefully rubbed +down the mare once more. As our path sloped downward, I felt a pressure, a +contraction in my chest; it was the sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the +matter, but it was nothing. + +On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the doorway a +woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the floor. It was +the Saturday cleaning day. + +"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping dead in his +tracks as he did so. + +The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it was she, +Miss Ingeborg, _Fru_ [Footnote: Mrs. (Translator's note.)] Ingeborg. + +"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of the floor. + +"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, laughing. +"That's her idea of fun!" + +And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of lightheartedness! Yet I +had seen how content he had been all the way home, how deeply content, and +proud of the little lady he was bringing with him. Even now he was still +stroking her. + +Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It all +seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little time, a +moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her time, too. + +"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim. + +Nikolai went on stroking the mare. + +"I've brought a visitor with me," he said. + +I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather overdid my +unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet hand, which she +hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite formal with her, and +shook her hand as I repeated my greeting. + +"Well, of all people!" she replied. + +I persisted in my formal attitude. + +"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm here." + +"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've just got +through the cleaning!" + +A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed since our +last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to admire the mare, +Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child calling from within the +house, and the young mother ran off. + +"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder. + +As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. There was too +much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the windows, numerous +pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the ceiling, underneath it in +the center of the room a round table and chairs, knickknacks in a china +cupboard, a pink-painted spinning wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the +room was crowded. This, no doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had +been used to and considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had +been a light and spacious room. + +"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai. + +As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him: + +"She's very well." + +I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained. + +"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg. + +It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a year old. He +frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon as he was on his +mother's arm, he looked at me without fear. + +How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, indeed, with +her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had not possessed before. + + +"What a fine little _man!_" I said, admiring the boy. + +"I should think he was!" said the mother. + + * * * * * + +You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; I can +speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the mistress of +this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her words nervously, as +though it had been a long time since she last opened her mouth. What we +talked about? Well, we neither asked nor answered questions about +measuring angles or analyzing Shakespeare's grammar. + +Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, amid +livestock and Saturday cleaning? + +Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first toddling steps in +a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with fully adult knowledge she +was lost. She had other things to think about now, her home and her family +and the farm. Of course there wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's +mother had taken half of it with her-- + +"Has Petra gone away?" + +Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay when the +young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had come to the +house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru Ingeborg would not. She +knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So there were quarrels between +the older woman and the young one. + +Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the barn. It was +true she was not very skillful, but she was learning all the time, and +enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked questions; that, she saw, +would have been foolish, but she worked things out by herself, and kept +her eyes open when she visited neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say +she could learn everything. There were things she never learned properly +because she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of the +country, though they must learn them in time. But they never learn them +well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. To set up a weave, +you must have grown up with the sound of the shuttle in your ears; to tend +the cattle as they should be tended, you must have helped your mother +since childhood. You can learn from others, but it will not be in your +blood. + +Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The young wife +is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who loves her in +return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife seems to him peerless +in all she does. Of course she has taken great pains; it has left its mark +on her, too, and she is not gray for nothing. A few months ago she lost a +front tooth, too--broke it on some bird shot left in the breast of a +ptarmigan she was eating. She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't +recognize herself. But what did it matter as long as Nikolai.... + +Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the goldsmith's at the +market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; but she would do anything +in the world for him, too. Imagine using some of the money for the horse +on a brooch! Where is he now, where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's +stroking the mare again. + +"Nikolai!" she called. + +"Yes," his reply came from the stable. + +She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; perhaps a +thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was suffused with +excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, outlining its +contours. She began gently to stroke her knee. + +"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something. + +"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you imagine +anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, but.... You know +he's not a year old yet. I never knew children were such a blessing." + +"Well, you see they are." + +"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly well, and you +contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. Children? Miracles! And +when you're old, they're the only happiness--the last happiness. I shall +have more; I shall have many of them, a whole row of them, like organ +pipes, each taller than the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't +lost my tooth; it leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about +it, on Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But I've +given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've gone on +much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my childhood, all my +youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at resorts, even as a grown +woman? I needed a holiday from my school work, a rest, and immediately +turned it into sheer futility, every day a disgrace. I could cry with +regret. I should have been married ten years ago, and had my husband all +that time, and a home and many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out +of ten years of my life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--" + +"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!" + +No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why should I make +myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough anyhow. I was sick with +fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to show her my teeth: "Here, +don't miss them, have a good look!" But I'm afraid she saw what a fool I +was making of myself; everything I did was wrong. + +Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can well afford +it: + +"What, you old? Nonsense!" + +"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly. + +"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a man came +riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's terribly stingy. +Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because ours is new and good. +They've built a house at the end of the valley, and take in travelers-- +quite a big hotel, in fact, with the waitresses dressed in national +costume. Of course Nikolai and I both went to the wedding; Petra really +looked a charming and lovely bride. You mustn't think she and I are still +unfriendly; she likes me better now that I'm more competent, and last +summer they sent for me several times to interpret for some English people +and that sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food and +conveyance and tips in other languages! + +"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble with Petra +in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, the +schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to criticize in me, +so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But when she came here, she +was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it over me, showing off all her +knowledge. I was busy trying to learn what I needed to know for the life +up here, and then she came along and made me look small, talking about the +Seven Years' War all the time. She was terribly learned about the Seven +Years' War, because that's what she had in her examination. And our way of +talking wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks quite +well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of his has got to +put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to stay--for six months, +anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had to take a six months' holiday. +The baby's with Petra, with his grandmother, so he's well taken care of. +It's a boy, too, but he's hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. +Well, in a way, of course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up +her legacy and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she +comes home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I asked +her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. Anyhow, her +mother and I are quite reconciled. + +"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the horse. +Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. But we'll +manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all the furniture in +here himself, the table and china cupboard and everything; we haven't +bought a thing. He's dug up the new field himself, too. And we'll be +getting more cattle; you ought to see what a handsome heifer we've got.... + +"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a lot of +trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was enough to make you +sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to knit, too; I'd got one of +my neighbors to teach me, and I was knitting stockings for myself. But of +course Lady Sophie--well, she bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she +was charming. 'Get out!' I said to her. So they left." + +Nikolai entered the room. + +"Did you want me?" + +"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need something to +hang things on in front of the fire, a clotheshorse--come along--" + +I stayed behind, thinking: + +"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; living on her +nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid resolution she shows, and +how she's matured in these two years! But it has cost her a great deal, +too. + +"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!" + +At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who had once +tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How content Fru +Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! Life had changed so +much that such things were important to her; she grew heated again when +she mentioned it, and pulled at her fingers as she had done in her +schooldays. And why should she not be content? A small triumph now had the +rank of a bigger one in the old days. Proportions were changed, but her +satisfaction was no less. + +Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a steady hum. +Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best educated of them, +naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! She has extended her +self-discipline even to this, for they are all orthodox Christians in this +neighborhood. Believing? No, but not hostile, either. One reads Scripture. +Rather a clever ruse, that of the clotheshorse. + +She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. Delicious +broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should be, with barley, +carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has learned this at the domestic +science school. I consider all the things she has learned, and find them +numerous. Had she, perhaps, been a little overstrung in her talk about +children like organ pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a +mare's as she spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class +couples have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the night +separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a house of +fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during the day, when +their separate labors called them, but the night united them. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg! + + + + +XXXVII + + +Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved across to +Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really I ought to do +that.... + +Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's harnessed to a +neat cart that he has made himself and banded with iron. And now the lady +carts manure. The tiny farm with its few head of cattle doesn't yield too +much of this precious substance, so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws +the plow, and looks as though it were no more than the heavy train of a +ball dress behind her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and +neither has his wife. + +I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from every angle. +Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, exactly as though I knew +something about it. Rich, black soil--sheer perfection. + +I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and suddenly +turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and catkins and +peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here. + +And so the days wear on. + +I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like to stay +here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful and popular; I +shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell Nikolai that I must think of +moving on; this will not do.... And perhaps he will mention it.... + +"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it isn't the kind +of place--" + +"God bless you, Nikolai; it _is_ the kind of place, but--well, it's +spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I should have to be very +low before I gave that up. And besides, I expect you're both pretty tired +of me, at least your wife." + +This, too, I hoped he would mention. + +Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take the knapsack +out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So perhaps Nikolai +hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his mouth. So I placed the +knapsack on a chair in the middle of the room, all packed and ready, for +everyone to see that we're leaving. And I waited for the morning of the +next day, and this time the knapsack _was_ observed. No, it wasn't. +So I had to wait till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell +her then, pointing to what was in the middle of the room: + +"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today." + +"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said. + +"Why? Well, don't you think I should?" + +"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the cows will +be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have had more milk." + +That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her work. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it had done +already on several occasions, that she had grown very like Josephine at +Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of expression. Twelve +years of school had laid no foundations in her young mind, though it had +loosened much that was firm within her. But that did not matter, as long +as she kept a firm hold now. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will be bringing +back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know very well that I +ought to go with him, because then I could catch the mail packet next day +but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay my bill. While he is harnessing +the horse, I finish packing my bag. + +Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place than I am +again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are those bells I +hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They are going to pasture +for the first time this spring, so that they shall give more milk.... Here +comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. Yes, here is the knapsack.... + +"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?" + +"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses." + +"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I cannot sit in +the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. I must wait till +there is really something to sit on. A rock is good enough, but you can't +sit on a rock for very long in May." + +Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window. + +"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You know those +butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there weren't any. And +if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God himself--well, He hasn't +moved out yet; it's too early." + +Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy. + +We go outside together. + +"Nikolai, I'm not going." + +He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling good-humoredly. + +"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as though an +idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot iron. So I mustn't +disturb myself. I'm staying." + +"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as you like +being here...." + +And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare trotting +briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard with the boy on her +arm to watch the gamboling calves. + +And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am! + + * * * * * + +Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had accumulated in the +past few weeks. + +"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," said Fru +Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us. + +"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them unread." + +Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on the +letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, a moment's +miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a moment--then she +withdrew her hand and said: + +"Better read them." + +She was deeply flushed now. + +"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. Then she +found something to do at the stove, while she asked her husband about his +journey, about the road, whether the mare had behaved well--which she had. + + +A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should not have +mentioned it. + + * * * * * + +A few days later. + +The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the living room +is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking out. + +A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I could not see +his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai carrying something, so I +went back to my table to work again. + +A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living room. + +Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her ask in +loud, hostile tones: + +"What do you want?" + +"I've come to pay you a visit." + +"My husband isn't in--he's in the field." + +"Never mind." + +"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!" + +I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was gray--gray +with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the living room. + +The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was everywhere. Our +eyes met. + +"I think you were asked to leave?" I said. + +"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of half-Norwegian, +half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the farms buying up hides. +Have you got any?" + +"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely distracted, and +suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling on the stove: Perhaps +she was on the point of flinging it at him.... + +At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house. + +He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he took in +the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him coming to the farm? +He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and went on smiling--left his +smile standing. It looked horrible; he was quite white, and his mouth +seemed to have stiffened in a smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, +a sexual colleague, a stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he +went on smiling. + +"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the door. Nikolai +followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped Solem raise his burden +to his back. + +"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale of furs and +skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it on Solem's back, +swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with needless emphasis. Solem's +knees gave way under him, and he fell on his face. We heard a groan of +pain, for the paved yard was hard as the face of the mountain. Solem lay +still for a moment, then he rose to his feet. His face had struck the +ground in falling, and the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried +to hoist his burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He +began to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into the +woods. + +Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The heavy burden +hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked bad. + +Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state of +collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too! + +Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to talk, and by +asking her questions, I force her to collect herself. + +"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he is--I could +murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now he's getting it all +back, he's getting more than his own back--you'll see. He was the first; I +was all right till then, but he was the first. Not that it meant a great +deal to me; I don't want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same +to me. But afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in +its train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me alone; I +don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, is it?--Oh, +where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to him, do you? They'll +put him in prison. Please, run after them, stop him! He'll kill him--" + +"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does he, that +Solem has done anything to you?" + +She looked up at me then. + +"Are you asking on your own account?" + +"What do you mean?--I don't understand--" + +"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes you seem +as though you were trying to find me out. _No_, I _haven't_ told +my husband. You can think what you please about my honesty. I've only told +him part of it, just a little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's +been here once before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I +wouldn't have in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in +here!' And I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; +so now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him now +either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe you any +explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to tell you, +please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's anger, but of +his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as though nothing had +happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for me, because that's his +nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, too, and peasants don't take +these things so seriously. But if he did find excuses for me, he wouldn't +be much good, and I don't want him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd +rather be no good myself! Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each +other, but we need all of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we +want to be human beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our +children.... But you oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me +that?" + +"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't occur to +him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried about. I just +wanted to reassure you." + +"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish now I hadn't +told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept it to myself till I +died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly dishonest." + +"On the contrary." + +"Really? Don't you think that?" + +"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, entirely +true and right. And not only that--it's fine." + +"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again. + +"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the road as +good and placid as ever." + +"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to find with +him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to find something, +I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions sometimes--I mean he says some +words differently, but it was only his sister that put that into my head. +I must go out and meet him now." + +She began to look around for something to slip over her shoulders, but it +took her a few minutes because she was still quite shaken. Before she had +found anything, Nikolai trudged into the yard. + +"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have you?" + +Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied: + +"No, I just took him over to see his son." + +"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked. + +Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, and his +wife went with him across the field. + +Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child. + +How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress Sophie Palm +came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about the bandage on his +finger, the finger he never had time to get rid of--stout fellow! They +made each other's acquaintance then, and probably met again later in the +town. Solem was everywhere. + +The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, but they did +little to improve him. And so he met this woman who had learned nothing +but to teach.... + + * * * * * + +I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand anything any +more. + +But something has happened to me now. + +At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for wanting to +keep me here is simply that they need money; my board and rent are to pay +for the mare. That's all it amounts to. + +I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add without +being misunderstood that the brain withers before the heart. You can see +it in all grandparents. + +At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," I said, +"you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such that I began to +feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for the mare once and for +all and depart; I should have been more than pleased to do so. But I +should not have succeeded. Nikolai would have shaken his head as though it +were a fairy tale. Then I began to calculate that in fact there couldn't +be much to pay for the mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid +for.... + +Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. She seldom +sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and she needs rest. +She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, mends, and washes. Often +a lock of gray hair falls down on either side of her face, and she is so +busy that she lets it hang; it's too short to be fastened back with a pin. +But she looks charming and motherly, with her fine skin and her +well-shaped mouth; she and the child together are sheer beauty. Of course +I help to carry wood and water, but I make more work for her just the +same. When I think of that, I grow hot about the ears. + +But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me for my own +sake? I should not have had all these years too many then, and these +ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at last. + +In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and this--time +when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the child, her boy, +had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm because I showed him so +much that was strange. It was the child's instinct for the peerless +grandfather. + +At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm to help +with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with grief, I packed. +To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make my way down to the +steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange to relieve all of us of +the need for farewells and handshakes and _au revoirs_, believe me! + +But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid taking them +both by the hand and thanking them for their hospitality. That was all +that was necessary. I stood in the doorway with my knapsack already on my +back, smiling a little, and behaving splendidly. + +"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again." + +"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg. + +"Why not?" + +"But so suddenly?" + +"Didn't I tell you yesterday?" + +"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?" + +"No, thank you." + +The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and a coat +with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. Very well, +then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a moment, more than a +few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened and investigated, of +course. Then Nikolai entered the room. + +Fru Ingeborg said to me: + +"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here now--but we've +got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, she could easily +sleep in the loft." + +"But, my dear child, I must leave _some_ time--I have work to do, +too, you know." + +"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up. + +Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked him and +refused. + +They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy sitting +on his mother's arm. + +At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, of course, +not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no longer anyone +there. + + + + +XXXVIII + + +I have written this story for you. + +Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom before +every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all written the same +way. I had even the intention of writing in dialect, so as to be truly +Norwegian; but when I saw you understood the country's language also, I +gave up writing in dialect because, for one thing, it is becoming +obsolete. + +But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single framework? +My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations was written +during a plague, _because_ of a plague--this is my answer. And, my +friend, when you have lived for a long time away from the human beings you +know inside and out, then you indulge once more in the iniquity of speech; +your powers have been so little used that your head is filled with a +thousand sermons. This is my defense. + +If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my outspoken +passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, you will lick +your chops. But to others you will shake your head and say: "Think of his +writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar soul, retire into solitude and +try to understand that episode! It has cost me much to surrender it to +you. + +Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my irons? +Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of one who is half +a century old--he has no other kind. But the distinction between myself +and my brother travelers is that I freely admit: I have none but these. +They were planned so big and so red; yet they are small irons, and they +hardly glow. This is the truth. They congregate with the painstaking works +of others round the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth +even though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the modern +spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn. + +One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in "cultured +company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart heart with a +"lady." I have written about human beings. But within the speech that is +spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins under the skin, like a +story within a story. I have followed the septuagenarian of literature +step by step, and reported the progress of his disintegration. I should +have written this description long ago, but I had not years enough; only +now am I entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done +it while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am being +accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you will say, +"chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame enough for the +last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall be dead. And you? May +you live long; you deserve it. May you almost survive me--in the flesh. + +I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and colorless." +Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers of a new +renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is too late now. +Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire to do more, +mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant with the feet of +clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, small friend, look about +you: there has appeared, within even your field of vision, a figure here +and a figure there, a shining crest, lavish with its bounty, geniuses +beneath the open sky--you and I should bid them welcome. I walk in the +evening of life and, trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth +with jeweled eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you +begrudge them fame. Because you are nobody. + +To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this during a +plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; no, it is +unassailable now, it flourishes under national protection, +tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. Meanwhile I do what +I can to fight it; you do the reverse. + +Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why my voice +is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A worse thing +would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any danger of that? No, +my friend, not for you; you will live till you die, be assured. + +Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You refused to +be convinced of the truth and integrity of my conclusions; but I shall yet +force you to recognize that I am close to the truth. Not until then shall +I make allowance for the fool in you. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +This file should be named 7lbhp10.txt or 7lbhp10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 7lbhp11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 7lbhp10a.txt + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Release Date: July, 2005 [EBook #8445] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on July 11, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + +KNUT HAMSUN + +Translated from the Norwegian +By PAULA WIKING + + + + +LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS + + + + +I + + +I have gone to the forest. + +Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about men's evil +ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must go to it. That is +all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a vagabond. I have money +enough and am overfed, stupefied with success and good fortune, if you +understand that. I have left the world as a sultan leaves rich food and +harems and flowers, and clothes himself in a hair shirt. + +Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean to roam +and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt would have +spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved their praise, and +they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went into the forest. For then +did I comprehend the truth, that my speech must needs be dishonest or +foolish.... But I said nothing of the kind; I simply went to the forest. + + * * * * * + +You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The snowflakes drift +down just as they do in the city, and the birds and beasts scurry about +from morning till night, and from night till morning. I could send solemn +stories from this place, but I do not. I have sought the forest for +solitude and for the sake of my great irons; for I have great irons which +lie within me and grow red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose +I were to meet a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself: + +"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!" + +But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a comforting +lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast. + +You say nothing happens here? + +One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they behaved as +people do. "_Boris!_" they said to each other and smiled. But +immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow and were gone from +my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, I thought, "You'd better +see to them; they may be smothered in the snow." But then they got up and +went their separate ways. + +In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting as that. + + * * * * * + +Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must crawl on +my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago and used it, for +lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in hiding, a man who concealed +himself here for a few autumn days. There are two of us in the hut, that +is if you regard Madame as a person; otherwise there is only one. Madame +is a mouse I live with, to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats +everything I put aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she +sits watching me. + +When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which Madame by all +means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh pine twigs, as is +fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary crockery. And I have a +sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool inside. I keep a fire burning in +the fireplace all night, and my shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh +resin in the morning. When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with +clean snow, and hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water. + +Is this a life worth living? + +There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not understand. +Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished it with vanities, +with pictures and books; but you have a wife and a servant and a hundred +expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep pace with the world and are never +at peace. I have peace. You are welcome to your intellectual pastimes and +books and art and newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky +that only makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask +me intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, for +example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly men are mere +specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser than I. But if you +should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, then I know quite as much +in this matter, too, and reply thus: Eternity is merely unborn time, +nothing but unborn time. + +My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my pocket and +reflect the sun on your face, my friend. + +You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are weary, +exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as you go out into +the street; the morning has dawned too early on your blinking eyes. I rise +at five quite refreshed. It is still dark outdoors, yet there is enough to +look at--the moon, the stars, the clouds, and the weather portents for the +day. I prophesy the weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds +whistle? Is the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and +long? These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more. + +Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, the stars +fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow flies over the +woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut or she will be +devoured. + +But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great rocks +take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from another +world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn up looks like a +witch petrified in the act of performing strange rites. + +Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a solitary +reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it high in a tree +to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the tracks of the reindeer +into the forest. It has jogged along without haste, but toward a definite +goal--straight east to meet the day. By the banks of the Skiel, which is +so rapid that its waters never freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, +to scrape the hillside for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on. + +And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are short; at +two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep twilight, with the good, +still night approaching. Then I begin to cook. I have a great deal of meat +stored in three pure-white drifts of snow. In fact I have something even +better: eight fat cheeses of reindeer milk, to eat with butter and +crisp-bread. + +While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I fall +asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, the food is +cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and resin. Madame darts back +and forth across the floor and at length gets her share. I eat, and light +my cutty-pipe. + +The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no unpleasantness. +In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only adult, roaming man; +this makes me bigger and more important, God's kin. And I believe the +red-hot irons within me are progressing well, for God does great things +for his kin. + +I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by the +river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the trees it has +nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, leaving their marks; +there an osier bed has forced it to turn aside; but just beyond, it has +straightened its path and continued east once more. All this I think of. + +And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with another +newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age insurance? + + + + +II + + +On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my time. Perhaps +I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling him I am well, and +hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot post the letters, and they +grow older every day. Not that it matters. I have tied the letters to a +string that hangs from the ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them. + + +One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; his +clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a laboring man. He +carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in it. + +"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the woods." + +"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His manner was +at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the sack without +humility. + +"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a man." + +"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving soon?" + +"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn. + +Then he looked at me. + +"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. "But I don't +intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I leave." + +I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my speech. + +But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his assurance. +Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him than he knew about +me. + +When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said: + +"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your floor." + +Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing his sack +with him, crawled in. + +"I could give you some coffee," I said. + +"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his face and +panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all night." + +"Are you crossing the fjeld?" + +"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a winter day on +the other side, either." + +I gave him coffee. + +"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A round of +crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me." + +"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help yourself." + +"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the man as he +ate. + +"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. "I'll pay +you for it." + +"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid that's +impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's work in +Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't." + +"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now there +without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a few +coppers." + +I felt his sack and said: + +"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?" + +"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the sack +closer to him. + +"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, jesting again. + +"I don't care what you are," he muttered. + +The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to the +woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. He was a +very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my fire, with +dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; probably he had +stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that he was quick in much +small knowledge that life had taught him. He complained that his heels +felt cold, and took off his boots. And no wonder he felt cold, for where +the heels of his stockings should have been there were only great holes. +He borrowed a knife to cut away the ragged edges, and then drew on the +stockings again back to front, so that the torn soles came over his +instep. When he had put on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice +and warm." + +He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their hooks to +inspect them, he put them back again where he had found them. When he +examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the addresses, he did not let +them go carelessly, leaving them to swing back and forth, but held the +string so that it hung motionless. I had no reason to complain about him. + +He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he said: + +"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?" + +He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move Madame's straw +to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay on our twigs, burning +resin and talking. + +He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though to +postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he went to +the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, turning his head +back, he asked: + +"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?" + +"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it looks like +snow; the smoke is blowing down." + +It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had better leave +that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay there, I stretched, +so that my hand accidentally touched his sack again. + +"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my grasp. "Don't +you touch that sack, or I'll show you!" + +I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention of stealing +anything from him. + +"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you go +thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the man, and +began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three pairs of new +mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag of barley, a side of +bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few large lumps of sugar candy. In +the bottom of the bag was perhaps half a bushel of coffee beans. + +No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception of a heap +of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen elsewhere. + +"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said. + +"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," the man +replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and walking, don't +I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to listen to you!" + +Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each article in +its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco round the bacon, +to protect the cloth from grease stains. + +"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. "I'll +let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way." + +"How much do you want for it?" I asked. + +"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he said to +himself as he spread it out. + +I said to the man: + +"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and the world +and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. Tell me something: +are you afraid your footprints will be visible tomorrow if there's fresh +snow tonight?" + +"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know many paths," +he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few crowns." + +I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and put it back +in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him. + +"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces won't be so +large, and I'll be able to sell it." + +"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I said, "and +cut up the rest for trousers." + +"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right." + +We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's suit, and took +down the string from which the letters hung to measure our own clothes, so +as to be sure to get the measurements right. Then we cut into the edge of +the cloth, and tore it across. In addition to one complete suit, there was +enough left for two good-sized pairs of trousers. + +Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, and I bought +some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the money away in a leather +purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, and the circumstantial and +poverty-stricken fashion in which he put the money away, afterward feeling +the outside of his pocket. + +"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't need any +more than that." + +"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain." + +It was quite decent of him. + +While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine needles +out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little theft. Stealing +because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length of cloth which he was +trying to sell in the forest! Theft has indeed ceased to be a matter of +great moment. This is because legal punishment for misdemeanors of all +kinds has also ceased to be of great moment. It is only a dull, human +punishment; the religious element has been removed from the law, and a +local magistrate is no longer a man of mystic power. + +I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the meaning of the +oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to the bone to hear him. +We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth Book of Moses, and the sin +against the Holy Ghost, and signing your name in the blood of a newly +baptized child! Steal a sack of money and silver treasure, if you like, +and hide the sack in the hills where on autumn evenings a blue flame will +hover over the spot. But don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and +a side of household bacon! + +The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he crawled +out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco I had bought I +put back into the sack, for I did not need them. When he returned, he +said: + +"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if you don't +mind." + +In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to contribute any +of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him some dry bread to eat +with it. + +"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said. + +Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon well down so +that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this he took off his +leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop to carry over one +shoulder. + +"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, I'll find it +easier to carry," he said. + +I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and he stowed +them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket afterward; I also +gave him a special envelope in which to keep the money for the stamps, and +tied it to the neck of the sack. + +"Where do you live?" I asked him. + +"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm sorry to say +I have a wife and children--no use denying it." + +"How many children have you?" + +"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's something wrong +with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. My wife's ill, and a few +days ago she thought she was dying and wanted Communion." + +A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was telling me +a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the village, no +Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with such a large and sick +family. This, no doubt, was his meaning. + +Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse! + +I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a ballad or +a song, since we had nothing else to do. + +"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a hymn." + +"All right; sing a hymn, then." + +"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--" + +His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and went out. + +"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. "This +is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall come within my +walls again." + +I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no more truck +with men. + +"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, Madame, I +undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!" + +Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack. + +"I thought you'd gone," I said. + +"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, and I say +good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. You shouldn't +sneer at me, you know." + +"What have you done with the sack?" + +"I've carried it part of the way." + +His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a burden on +one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies about his poverty, I +said: + +"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, for that +matter?" + +"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a barrel +easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the floor last +Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?" + +We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a moment he had +chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and splendid; I could see his +jaw working. + +"It's nothing," I said. + +Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was gone for +a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he said: + +"It's nothing." + +We lay down for the night. + +"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. I fell +asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during the night +restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with you!" I heard him +mutter as he crawled out of the hut. + +In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a lively +fire of crackling pine in the hut. + +Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow. + + + + +III + + +There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully with +oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe, and to +think idly and slowly as one does it. + +There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm crushing +the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my sleeping bag well in +the snow and get the wool white again. There is nothing in this of +literature or great novels or public opinion; does it matter? But then I +haven't been toiling just to get this coffee into my life. Literature? +When Rome ruled the world, she was no more than Greece's apprentice in +literature. Yet Rome ruled the world. Let us look too at another country +we know: it fought a war of independence the glory of which still shines, +and it brought forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it +had no literature, and has none today.... + +Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the moss and +the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The stump of a fir +tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my familiarity with it grow, and +sometimes I stand there loving it, for there is something in it that moves +my soul. The bark is badly broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree +must have been crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put +myself in its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the mastodons. + +No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there are many +amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a fir. Yet in your +heart, you know that I am superior to you in this as in everything else, +with the single exception that I have not your conventional +accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. About the forest and the +earth you can teach me nothing, for here I feel what no man else has felt. + +Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly this may +happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose myself outside my +very door, like the children of the city. I am twelve miles out, far up +the opposite bank of the Skjel River, before I begin to get lost, and then +only on a sunless day, with perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no +north or south in the sky. Then you must know the special marks of this +kind of tree and that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous +trees, the moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those that +are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the leaves. From all +these things while there is daylight I can find my way. + +But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to get home +till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to myself. And I +roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is a crag standing with +its back to the wind. Here I collect a few armfuls of pine needles, button +my jacket tight, and take a long time to settle. No one who has not tried +it knows anything of the fine pleasure that streams through the soul as +one sits in a snug shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the +time, but the tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I +put some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. The +snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to find a +shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in over me and +form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am quite safe, and may +sleep or wake as I please; there will be no danger of freezing my feet. + + * * * * * + +Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of them called +to me: + +"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?" + +I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question was too +stupid. + +"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I _seen_ a +man go by?" + +So much for him! + +"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you in the +name of the law." + +"Oh." + +I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my hut. + +The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said: + +"Did you _see_ a man pass by here yesterday?" + +"No," I said. + +They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they left the +hut and returned to the village. + +I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of his duties, +how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses for the capture and +transport of the criminal; there will be honor in having carried out the +deed. All mankind should adopt this man because he is its son, created in +its image! Where are the irons? He would rattle the links a little and +lift them on his arm like the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his +terrifying power to put people in irons ... I feel nothing. + +And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They instantly +miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the police. + +From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies still too +near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the frost has gone +out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I have chosen a spot in +the forest which I think I shall like. It is twenty-four miles from the +village and eighteen across the fjeld. + + + + +IV + + +Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some days in +succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying good morning +and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man I imagined beside +me, we carried on a long, intelligent conversation, but if it was a woman, +I was polite: "Let me carry your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the +Lapp's daughter I seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and +offered to carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her +skin; tut, tut. + +Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will not build +that peat hut still further away from them. + +The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in the winter I +suffered privation and learned much in order to master myself. It has +taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it cannot be denied that I am +paying for my education rather dearly. Sometimes I have been needlessly +stern with myself. + +"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it doesn't +interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for twelve hours, it +will mean something to you," I said, and hid the bread away. + +That was in the winter. + +Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great that I could +do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of the forest. But even +in the heart of the forest no man dares speak aloud without looking round; +rather, he walks in silence. For a time you console yourself that it's +typically English to be silent, it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you +find this has gone too far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and +suddenly to shout nonsense. + +"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!" + +Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a quarter of a +mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a slap. If only you had +kept your regal silence! One day the postman who crosses the fjeld once a +month came on me just as I had shouted. + +"What?" he called from the wood. + +"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a trap." + +But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the spring that +causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no longer fear a shout +more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and pans as I cook, and I sing +at the top of my voice. It is spring. + +Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry woods. +They have a different expression now; they have gone gray and bedraggled, +and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and diminished it. There are +catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the underbrush, looking like letters +of the alphabet piled in a heap. The moon rises, the stars break forth. I +am cold and shiver a little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and +prefer to shiver as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so +foolish, but went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is +the spring. + +The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. There is a +great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, teeming worlds, so +tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling bell; as I look at them, I +can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, certainly I am being drawn more and +more toward the grassy slopes of spring. + + + + +V + + +I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my back, and +leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame." + +That was the end. + +I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of sadness--as I +always do on leaving a place that has been my home for some time. But all +the world stands outside calling to me. Indeed I am like all lovers of the +woods and fields; wordlessly we had agreed to meet, and as I sat there +last night, I felt my eyes being drawn to the door. + +Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up from the +chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave back. + +The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue haze over the +forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful piratical coast in the +sky before me. The mountains are all on my left. + +After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I press on +swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" as it swishes; +whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give myself food. + +No, you have not my pleasures in the town. + +I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of living, and +nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my back had no weight, +taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself a little; but an +overexertion to which one is driven by inner content is easy to bear. In +my solitude, many miles from men and houses, I am in a childishly happy +and carefree state of mind, which you are incapable of understanding +unless someone explains it to you. I play a little game with myself, +pretending to have discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay +little attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and gaze. + + +"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--" + +I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod sagely, +saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. And I take out +my notebook and describe it. + +Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. Children have +done it before me. And here comes no postman to surprise me. As suddenly +as I have begun the game, I end it again, as children do. But for a moment +I was transported back to the dear, foolish bliss of childhood. + +Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that made me +playful and happy! + +Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I reach the +Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but kindness, a Lapp +hut contains little that is interesting. There are spoons and knives of +bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin lamp hangs from the roof. The +Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who can neither tell fortunes nor +conjure. His daughter has gone across the field; she has learned to read, +but not to write, at the village school. The two old people, husband and +wife, are fools. The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I +ask them a question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I +am not a Lapp, and so they distrust me. + +All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a while. In +the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a few degrees of +frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and silent above the earth. + +Heigh-ho--what untuned strings! + + But where are the birds all gone away, + and what kind of place is this? + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs, + in this world that is dead, no event occurs; + I stand in a silvermine. + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss + a homely, well-known outline. + + And so he came to a silver wood-- + thus ran an ancient tale. + Here rests a song of shimmering fire + as though it were sung by a starry choir. + And swift in my youth, I leap + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male, + and awaken a maid from her sleep. + + Today I smile at childish tales, + old age has made me wise. + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod, + now by age my foot is heavily shod; + yet my heart--my heart would fly. + I am driven by fire and bound by ice, + no rest nor repose have I. + + A shuddering chill falls on the night, + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold. + There passed a great gust through the silver lace + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace + on paws that are soundless and still. + It may be a god on his evening stroll. + The roots of the forest thrill. + +When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, and sat +eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, conceived in a +snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. "_Boris_!" they said and +fell on their noses. + +She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop in the +village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she pushed the cups +and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday jacket with pretty +strips of the cloth. All the while she never spoke a word, because a +stranger was in the room. + +"You know me, Olga, don't you?" + +"Mm." + +"But you look so angry." + +"M-no." + +"How's the snow track across the fjeld?" + +"All right." + +I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, and asked: + +"How far is it to your old hut?" + +"Not far," said Olga. + +Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not smile at +me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her vanity and sewing +wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no doubt, she will wear it to +church and meet the man whose eyes it is meant to gladden. + +I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, these human +grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon and the moon was +bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a further supply of reindeer +cheese and whatever other food I could get, I left the hut. But what a +surprise: the bright moonlight was gone, and the sky was overcast; there +was no frost, only mild weather and wet woods. It was spring. + +When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why should I +listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into the woods to +direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, her feathers ruffled +like a hen's. + + + + +VI + + +It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I found myself +high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the path. What is that dark +shape there? A mountain peak. And that over there? Another peak. Let us +pitch camp on the spot, then. + +There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. I sat in +the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and many +experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it is, too, to +have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the open! + +During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me under my +crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, that a sound +still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or sung in my sleep. +Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to look about me. It was +dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky was paler than the ring of +mountains round me; I lay in the center of a city of peaks, at the foot of +a great cliff, huge to the point of deformity. The wind began to blow, and +suddenly there was a booming in the distance. Then came a streak of +lightning, and immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic +avalanche between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran through +me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt before, and I gave +it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and humorous abandon. Many a +thought ran through my mind, witticisms alternating with moments of such +great sorrow that I lay sighing deeply. The lightning and thunder came +closer, and it began to rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were +overpowering; all nature was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to +conquer the night by shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of +my strength and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are +sheer incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? But I +nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. Perhaps after all +they are only stuffed mountains. + +More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as though the +near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred times through me. +Never mind. I have read about many battles and been in a rain of bullets +before this. Yet in a moment of sadness and humility in the presence of +the powers about me, I weep and think: + +"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing already?" + +And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives. + +A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped over my +very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the sleeping bag +and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was lightning and more +thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not listened to Olga's advice and +remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps whose magic powers are doing this? +The Lapps? Those human mites, those mountain dwarfs! What is all this +noise to me? I made a feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, +for I was among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with +the thunder. + +I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand shouting +and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him with milk-blue +eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a mountain would be so hard. +But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; did you think I should waste my +good brain chasing such rainbows? You lie. Here I lean against the whole +world, and you, perhaps, believe the blue of my eyes.... + +At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it happened to +me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of my jacket. The +lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to the ground. I felt a +sensation of heat, and saw that the ground farther down the mountain was +struck a loud blow and then split. A great oppression held me down; a +spear of darkness shot through me. And then it thundered beyond all +measure, not long and rumbling, but firm and clear and rattling. + +The storm passed on. + + + + +VII + + +Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, struck by +lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, as after a +punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck made me +overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting the ground, and I +avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I was not even out of +temper when I had to retrace my steps across the fjeld to find my way +again to the hut. I had time; there was no hurry. I was the first tourist +of the spring season, and far too early. + +So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at night +verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had become a real +poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes had taken place +within me since the winter, when I had desired nothing but to lie blinking +my eyes and be left in peace. + +One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut and walked +about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been thinking of writing +some children's verses, addressed to a certain little girl, but nothing +had come of it. Now as I walked on the mountainside, I felt again a desire +for this pastime, and worked at it on several occasions, but could not get +it into shape. The night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time +when such things come to one. + +So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good store of +food. There were many people in this district, and it did me good to hear +human speech and laughter again; but there was no place here where I could +stay, and in any case I had come too early. I had much to carry on my way +home to my hut again. About halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a +vagabond, whose name was Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son +of a telegraph operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation +before. + +That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass with my +burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, "I shouldn't +have run over you in any case, ha, ha!" + +He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I told him +it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned away. I thought +that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he carried nothing that +looked like provisions, I offered him some of mine in order to make him +talk a little. He thanked me and accepted. + +He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in his +twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the swaggering +fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping from under the peak +of his cap; but he wore no beard. This full-grown man still shaved without +growing tired of doing so, and this, together with his fringe of hair and +his general manner, gave me the impression that he wished to seem younger +than he was. + +We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful mood, and +since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a laughing iron +mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was only one thing: I had +been silent for so long that I talked now perhaps too readily; and if it +happened that both this boy Solem and I spoke at once, he would stop +immediately to let me have my say. When this had happened several times, I +grew tired of winning, and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and +say: "Go ahead." + +I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange trees, and +writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a hut, but that today I +had finished my stock of provisions and had had to go to the village. When +he heard about the hut, he stopped chewing, and sat as though he were +listening; then he said hastily: "Yes, in a way I know these telegraph +poles across the mountains very well. Not these particular poles, but +others. I was a linesman till not long ago." + +"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I added. + +He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to put him in +the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and rested, and found +my crisp-bread there. + +"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he said. + +We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, nor did he +dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to such an extent that I +valued his good behavior. + +He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude for the +food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the stranger +returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a note on the +table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an extremely ill-mannered +epistle, full of obscene expressions. When Solem saw what I was reading, +his iron face broke into a smile. I pretended not to understand the note +and threw it back on the table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds. + +"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of doing that +sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here." + +Soon after this he went out. + +He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying me by +washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other ways. There +was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the Lapps lived there-- +which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but Solem stopped the cracks with +bacon fat and boiled my clothes in it. It was very funny to watch him +imperturbably skimming off the fat that floated up. + +He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions again, and +then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I was going the other +way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the great peaks of the Tore, +where summer visitors stayed and many travelers passed, he wanted to go +there, too. He was a bird of passage. + +"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm used to farm +work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there." + + + + +VIII + + +The bustle of spring season had already started at the great farm; men and +animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing the whole day long, and +the goats had long since been let out to pasture. + +It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had cleared +an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart from that, all +the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new houses had been built +here as the traffic over the fjelds increased, and gargoyles, homelike and +Norwegian, sat on the gable ends, while the sound of a piano came from the +living-room. Do you know the place? You have been here, and the people of +the farm have asked after you. + +Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from solitude. I +speak to the young people who own the homestead now, and to the husband's +old father and young sister Josephine. The old man leaves his room to look +at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps ninety; his eyes are worn and +half-crazed, and his figure has shrunk to nothing. He toils with both +hands to drag himself into the day, and each time it is as though he left +his mother's womb anew and found a world before him: + +"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as he gazes +at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at them, too, and +thinks: + +"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a doorway...." + +And he stands still a long time staring at it. + +But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and plays the +piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the garden, her feet are +like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is to the visitors! Surely she +has seen us coming a long way off, Solem and myself, and sat down to play +the piano. She has gray, pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm +an old observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion. + +It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. But she is +only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. Ordinarily she has +no time for such work, for she is too busy at her indoor tasks, waiting at +table and watering the flowers and chatting with me about who climbed the +Tore Peak last summer, and who did it the summer before that. These are +Josephine's tasks. + +Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while watching Solem, +who has been put to carting manure, then drift on down through the wood to +the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, barns with room for two cows +and a couple of goats in each, half-naked children playing homemade games +outside the barns, quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places +cart manure on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on +the ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the houses, +but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know the life of +labor, and well do I like it. + +It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads were tiny +but the fences surrounding the land included a good section of forest. +When the ground was cleared all the way to the fence, this would be a farm +with five cows and a horse. Good luck! + +The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting away, +green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break out in the +woods. My original intention to make great irons hot within me is +unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I must be an incredible +fool. I do not even know with any certainty if there are irons in me +still, or whether I can shape them if there are. Since the winter, life +has made me lonely and small; I idle and loiter here, remembering that +once things were different. Now that I have reached daylight and men +again, I begin to understand all this. I was a different person once. The +wave has its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had +I. Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me. + +What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to mourn. Life +is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At times I have had gold +and silver and copper and iron and other small metals; it was a great +delight to live in the world, much greater than an endless life away from +the world; but pleasure cannot last. I know of no one who has not been +through the same thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they +have declined! But they themselves have said: + +"See how everything is better!" + +At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a vegetating +existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And the irons were no +longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by heaven, how stubbornly +Simplicity insisted the irons were there, insisted that they were red. + +"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!" + +As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another twenty years +from one who has already begun to perish! I have no use for such a way of +thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with your cheerful mediocrity and +school education. A one-armed man can still walk; a one-legged man can lie +down. Has the forest taught you nothing, then? What have I learned in the +forest? _That young trees grow there_. + +In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, barbarously +scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by stupidity and +degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know nothing more +despicable than your school education and your school-education standards. +Whether you have a catechism or a compass by which to guide your life is +all the same; come here, my friend, and I will give you a compass made of +my latest iron. + + + + +IX + + +A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master of the +house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for Solem, why, he, +too, went with him so that he might know the way for later tourists. We +found the fat, short, and thin-haired stranger standing in the yard, an +elderly, well-to-do man who walked for the sake of his health and the last +twenty years of his life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze +beneath her skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and +its earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he brought +out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, young-girl's +fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was given two crowns for +acting as guide, and that was good pay. All went so well that the master +himself was content. + +"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us in peace," +he added. + +By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he and his +household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor road would be +opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a question whether the +tourist traffic might not be deflected there. His wife and Josephine were +a little afraid it would be; but he himself had held as long as possible +to the opinion that all their regular visitors who had come again year +after year would remain faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars +they might have in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore +range anywhere but here. + +The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he had much +timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built into new cottages, +with six new guestrooms, a great hall with reindeer horns and log chairs, +and a bathroom. But what was the matter with him today; was he beginning +to doubt? "If only they would leave us in peace," he said. + +A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a cottage to +herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and fashionable, this +Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. She was a charming lady, +and her little daughters were well-grown, handsome children. They curtsied +to me, making me feel, I don't know why, as though they were giving me +flowers. A strange feeling. + +Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for the +summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would stay a week. +Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen and Palm, and still +later Associate Schoolmaster Höy and several others--tradesmen, telephone +operators, a few people from Bergen, one or two Danes. There were many of +us at table now, and the talk was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was +asked if he wanted more soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no +more!" and then rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct +thing to say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient guests +there were few or none at all, and it was really on these that the house +would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single meals, on cups of coffee. +Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, and her young fingers grew more +greedy as they counted silver coins. + +Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of the guests +were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others praised both the +food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress Torsen wanted to leave. +She was tall and handsome and wore a red hat on her dark hair; but there +were no suitable young men here, and in the long run it was a bore to +waste her holidays so completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both +Africa and America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing. + +"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us. + +"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered. + +They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to the woods +together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt did not amount +to much either; he was short and freckled, and talked of nothing but money +and trade. Besides, he had only a small shop in the town, and dealt in +tobacco and fruit. No, he did not amount to much. + +One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss Torsen. She +was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and reserved, but sometimes +talkative, lively, and perhaps a little inconsiderate, too. We sat in the +living room, with people coming and going continually, but she did not let +that disturb her, and talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she +sometimes clasped her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we +had been sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said: + +"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?" + +She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she turned away +and went on talking, looking very proud and determined as she did so. No +doubt she had many good qualities; she was twenty-seven, she said, and +sick and tired of a teacher's life. + +But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first place? + +"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The girls next +door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to study languages, +as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded so fine. We were going to +be independent and earn a lot of money. That's what I thought! Have a +home, however small, that was quite my own. How we slogged away all +through school! Some of the girls had money, but those of us who were poor +couldn't dress like them, and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And +so we came to avoid all work at home for the sake of our hands. + +"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them such fine +gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, of course, but +he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave us banknotes--me, +anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was Flaten; his father was a +merchant. Of course, he being so handsome and dashing, we wanted to be +nice to him too. I should have done anything he asked; I used to pray to +God for him. + +"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and pretty. That +was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and mending fell to the +lot of my mother and sisters; we students wouldn't do anything but sit +round being very learned and getting seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as +I don't mind admitting. It was in the course of those years that we +acquired all the distorted ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew +dull with school wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy +about our sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on +our examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the family. + +"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at forty +_kroner_ a month. Because now there was no longer anything in the +least extraordinary about us students--we were no rarity, there were +hundreds of us--forty _kroner_ was the most they gave us. Thirty went +to Father and Mother for our keep, and ten for ourselves. It wasn't +enough. We had to have pretty clothes for the office, and we were young, +we liked to walk out; but everything was too dear for us, we went into +debt, and some of us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow +school life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before any +experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and with such +antecedents, of course, there was first-rate mismanagement in the home; +others disappeared to America. But probably all of them are still boasting +their languages and their examinations. It's all they have left--not +happiness or health or innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!" + +"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good salaries?" + +"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over again. As +though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't sacrificed enough +for our sakes already! There was cramming again for long periods, and then +we began life in the schoolroom--to give to others the same unnatural +upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, yes, ours was a noble vocation; it +was almost like being missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like +to talk about something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please." + +Tradesman Batt opened the door and said: + +"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now." + +"Oh, leave me alone," she replied. + +Tradesman Batt withdrew. + +"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked. + +"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of the +window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such liberties." + +How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed! + +Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that Miss Torsen +had recently lost her post at the school, where indulgence had been +exercised for a long time toward her eccentric methods of teaching. + +So that was it. + +But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true. + + + + +X + + +The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here owes a huge +debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, valuable plots of +land to his cotters. I am finding out many things now. Mrs. Brede with the +handsome, well-modeled head knows something about everything, for her many +summers at the farm have given her knowledge. When she talks about +conditions here, she need not grope for words. + +The master has taken a large mortgage. + +No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new buildings and +flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the red-painted well house--all +give an impression of great prosperity. The rooms, too, make a good +impression. I shall not speak of the piano, but here are pictures on the +walls and photographs of the farm seen from all angles; good newspapers +are kept and there is a selection of novels on the tables; though guests +sometimes take books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a +thing like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the background. In +short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is a fortune here. And +why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort for tourists and +pensioners? + +Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its interior and +exterior furnishings costs more than the business is worth. Manufacturer +Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is why Mrs. Brede comes here +every year with her children, to get their dividends in board and lodging. + + +No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own house. + +"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. "Travelers stopped +here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it cost nothing to run the +place then. But the tourist traffic has forced him to make improvements +and enlargements. You have to keep pace with development, and be as good +as other such places in the country; they're all competing. And probably +the master here is not the right man to carry on such an irregular and +capricious business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets +the farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the farm +from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end with the +cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, Paul's." + +"How can the cotters get power to do that?" + +"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest with three +or four goats each, first one of them, then the other one, working down in +the village and coming home with food and money, and all the time clearing +their own ground. The goats grew more numerous, a cow was added, they +bought more virgin land, and they acquired still more livestock. They +sowed grain and planted potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner +here buys root vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with +such things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says it's not +worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring enough men to run +the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the spring season that the +tourists start coming, and then the men are constantly being interrupted +in their work on the farm to pilot tourists across the fjeld, or to do +this or that for the guests. And this goes on all through the short summer +months; for several years, they haven't even found the time to spread all +their manure. But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists +are all rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my husband +says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's outlying +fields." + +On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told me with a +shake of the head that she herself knew very little about it, and had all +her information from her husband. The fact was that every time these +cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from Paul, her husband had to +give his consent. This was because of the mortgage, and this, too, was how +they had learned of these matters. Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of +fact, was most anxious to be released from his undertaking, but this was +by no means easy. It was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the +new automobile route. + +Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with her little +girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. One day, for +example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs broken, and all the +guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and bandages for the wound; but +Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she was, experienced, wise, and a little +surprised at all the excitement. + +"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter it." + +The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two little girls +were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in important business, for +he spent a large part of the year in Iceland, and traveled a good deal +elsewhere as well. This, too, the lady bore quietly. And yet she was still +young and handsome, a little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a +lovely, unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark. + +But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One evening +when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do her a service, I +saw that her face was strange and covered with blushes. Would Solem come +to her room and repair a window-blind that had fallen down? It was late in +the evening, and the lady seemed to have been in bed already, and to have +risen again. Solem did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, +and clung for a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come.... + +What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was! + +Mrs. Brede departed. + +But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her mind. +Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position herself. + + + + +XI + + +An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across the +fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this year? +Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would "do" the +mountain peaks of Norway--where were they? + +At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were middle-aged, unshaven +and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or something of that sort, but +quite as speechless and uncivil as the grandest of the traveling British +clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them +was any different from what we had grown to expect; these two traveled +brainlessly and solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a +purpose, behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him a +fifty-_öre_ bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he told me +afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but nothing came of +that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown spoiled and insolent +from all his idling with tourists. + +_"Mehr,_ more," said he. + +No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and struck his +hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, and one +_krone_ made its appearance. But on Solem's taking the noble lord by +the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two _kroner_ were at +last forthcoming. + +At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, huntsmen, +fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a tremendous commotion +at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent double under all the orders he +received, and Josephine ran, flew at every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up +her sitting room to three English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded +together as close as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep +my bed because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it matter for a +night!" + +Then I went out. + +If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a resort in +the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is the meaning of +all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the animals not at rest? +The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs has got in. Or--_have_ +some of the visiting dogs got in? Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and +circles; nothing is new, all returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. +The Romans ruled the world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so +invincible, that they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could +afford to live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and +animals. Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only sat--sat +and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less rulers of the +world than the Romans. + +They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' shed; I was +merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to accept the ways of +the mighty tourists. But they themselves belonged to that nation of +gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one day the wholesome Gothic soul will +castigate to death.... + +The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs began to +bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and doors began to +bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, these travelers; they +were running to catch the doctor. They had breakfast in two sessions, but +though the household was bent double before them and gave of its best, +they were not satisfied. "If we had only known a little earlier," said +Paul. But they muttered that we should just wait; there were motor cars in +other places. Then Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who +lived under the Tore peaks: + +"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? And I'm +planning to get a telephone...." + +The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and departed, +accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying trunks. + +Peace descended on us again. + +Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting plants round +the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table in a very learned +fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out their peculiarities. +Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at school. + +"Here you see an _Artemis cotula_," he said. + +Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the name and +said: + +"Yes, take plenty of it with you." + +"What for?" + +"It's insect powder." + +Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good deal of +discussion in which Associate Master Höy had to take a hand. + +No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could classify plants +and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. The peasant children in +his neighborhood were ignorant of these classes and names, and he could +teach them. He enjoyed that so much. + +But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut down one +year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him religious and +silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches of trees, and the +grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great heaven of all the +universe--were these his friends? + +_Artemis cotula_.... + + + + +XII + + +When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies.... Sometimes I +think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the Associate Master gravely +keeps her company; they talk about the servants at home whose only desire +is to stay out all night. Mrs. Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but +probably she has at one time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as +though they were cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few +years ago, her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth +seemed to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was in +Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. And here +is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is it only for her +health, or are she and the Associate Master possibly children of the same +provincial town? + +When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies, I leave them and +go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows where I keep +myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be different from the +Associate Master, who is very far from being so settled. So I go out. It +is a bright day with just the right amount of warmth, and my summer woods +are filled with the fragrance of plants. I rest frequently, not because I +need to, but because the ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no +one can find me; only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms +or men, no one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which +is green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which looks +as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so thin and +lonely. + +You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel a kind of +sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It was like meeting +a child. + +With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit across +the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist sways in slow +rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, fluctuates and strains to +give birth to something. But when I rise to walk on, the end is not yet in +sight. + +I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. They neither +toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace my steps to see if I +can find their leader, but it is useless: farther and farther I retreat, I +begin to run, but the procession is endless before and behind me. Perhaps +they started a week ago. So I go on my way, and the other insects go on +theirs. + +Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an embrace, +in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to stamp or weigh it +down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and defenseless, indulgent like a +mother. To think of an ant walking on this! Here and there lie stones, +half-covered with moss, not because they have fallen there, but because +this is their home, and they have lived here long. This is peerless. + +When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on another +peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little cow with red +and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me and caws down at me +in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against the stone. A warm thrill +runs through me, and I feel, as I have done in the woods so many times +before, that someone has just been here, and has stepped to one side. +Someone is with me here, and a moment later I see his back disappearing +into the woods. "It is God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor +singing. I only see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It +was God," I think. + +"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I reply. "Am I +making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the Mohammedans their god, +the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one knows God, my friend; man knows +only gods. And sometimes I meet mine." + +I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the one I came +by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I reach a great +ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse myself, I pretend to +be tired, flinging myself on the ground exactly as though someone were +watching me and saw how exhausted I am. It is only for my amusement, +because my brain has been idle so long. The sky is clear everywhere; the +clusters of mist over the Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but +they have stolen away. In their place, an eagle swings in great circles +over the valley. Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring +as though held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to watch +him. At length he disappears behind the peaks. + +And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper trees. What +miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin perhaps hold some +meaning; they have lain here for thousands of years, but perhaps they, +too, roam, and make an inexpressible journey. The glaciers move, the land +rises, and the land falls; there is no hurry here. But since my +consciousness cannot associate fact with such a conception, it grows blind +with fury and revolts: The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game! + +This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of stone. It's +a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, and perhaps a +well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But heaven protect me just +the same from the inhabitants of these towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, +neither do they attract thieves; they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: +that is what I hold against them, that they make no fiery gestures; it +would become them to roll a little, but there they lie, with even their +sex unknown. But you saw the eagle instead! Be still.... + +A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the flowers +and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only trembles. + +I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's house. + +"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," I tell him +in the course of our conversation. + +"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies cunningly. +In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has seen what it leads +to. + +I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the ground. He +thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an animal that +sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had bought a slightly +larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would feed one cow more; but he +himself had only got this bit of a field. Still, this would amount to +something, too, as long as he kept his health to work it. + +He gripped his spade again. + + + + +XIII + + +Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, but some +of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded and said, Yes, +he was the right sort. + +"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Höy asked, looking +up from his plate. + +No one answered. + +Then Associate Master Höy could not help smiling broadly, and said: + +"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've never paid +any attention to him." + +Associate Master Höy might look at Solem all he pleased; he would grow no +bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Höy was annoyed, and that +was the truth. It is catching for a woman to discover that a man is "the +right sort"; the other women grow curious, and stick their noses into it: +"So-o-o, is he?" And a few days later the whole flock of them are of one +opinion: "Yes, indeed, he's the right sort!" + +Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then! + +Poor Mr. Höy; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for Solem. To +tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much about the matter, +but she could not lag behind the others. + +"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Höy, and smiled again. He was +intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and pretty. + +At the next meal, Mr. Höy could contain himself no longer. + +"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem." + +"Well?" + +"Common sneak-thief!" + +"Oh, shame!" + +"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue chin, a +perfect horse-face...." + +"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie. + +Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation after all, I +thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite a little cushion +over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched up. She had eaten well and +slept well, and improved at this resort. Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has +plenty of life left in her. + +This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate Master Höy! +For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of a lawyer, and he +talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had there been anything +between her and Mr. Höy? True, he was not much to look at, but then +neither was she. + +The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the social +sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the principle of the +referendum. At first he had worked a few years in an architect's office, +he told us, but then he had changed to the law instead, which in its turn +had led him into social problems. No doubt he was a rich and unselfish man +to be able to change his vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, +Switzerland!" he said, and his eyes watered. None of us could understand +his fervor. + +"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said. + +The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite incapable of +restraining himself. + +Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about him +lately. He's ten times better than many another." + +"There, you see!" + +"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he is. And +what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame goat." + +"Did you stop to watch that?" + +"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. And later +I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. I can well +understand that the ladies see something in him." + +How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the wife of the +captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and remain faithful to +her Chinaman. + +"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said Mrs. +Molie. + +Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate Master into +jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight? + +But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Höy's torment and +wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Höy just expressed himself +kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who one fine evening had +caused her to tear down her window blind? There is cause and effect in all +things. + +"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then she +reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about Switzerland; +but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, and I've never in my +life been so cheated." + +The lawyer only smiled at this. + +Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, watchmakers and +the Alps and Calvin--- + +"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said the +Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with suppressed rage. + +"Really, really, Associate Höy!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm with a +smile. + +But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by telling them +all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that model for all small +countries of the world. What social conditions, what a referendum, what +planning in the exploitation of the country's natural wonders! There they +had sanatoriums; there they knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous! + +"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It smells like +tourists' feet." + +Dead silence. So Associate Master Höy was prepared to go to such lengths! + +"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish voice mildly. + +"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Höy replied. "Just the thing for +Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair." + +Laughter. + +Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could safely +continue: + +"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we should not be +so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest investigations in +that country that they are ahead of us in every respect. We have +everything to learn from them: their frugality, their diligence, their +long working hours, the small home industries--" + +"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Höy. "All trifles, nothingness, +negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the mercy of its +neighbors ought not to be a model for any other country on earth. We must +try to rise above the wretched stench of it, which only makes us ill. The +big countries and big circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, +even the small things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. +A child can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state of +affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to be its +model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland really amounts +to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the smallest and meanest +country as our model? Things are small enough here anyhow. Switzerland is +the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard of a young South American country +of Norway's size trying to be on a level with Switzerland? Why do you +think Sweden is taking such great strides forward now? Not because it +looks to Switzerland, or to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for +that! But what about us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation +stuck up in our mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--" + +The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to indicate that he +wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his voice: + +"Just a moment!" + +The Associate Master stopped. + +"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the lawyer, +preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in the country you +speak of?" + +"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master. + +There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And then it all +came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had known all the time +that Mr. Höy had been on a traveling scholarship in Switzerland, but she +had never mentioned it. What a snake in the grass! She had even encouraged +the lawyer, but no one else, to talk about Switzerland. + +"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Höy has been in Switzerland" she +said, as though to clinch the matter. + +"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the country with +different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly anxious to end the +controversy. + +"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, who +seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after generation, +filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their mountains. But it's +a country without folk music or folk tales. I suppose you think we ought +to work hard to resemble the Swiss in that, too?" + +"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen. + +Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did. + +At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the window as +she said: + +"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland before, Mr. +Associate Master." + +This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to annihilate +her, but he restrained himself and remained silent. + +"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him. + +"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't understand it, +I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm accustomed to explaining +to children." + +Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling patiently. + +"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to yours," the +lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that this was one thing I +knew something about, however...." + +Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on the point +of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still for a moment, and +then followed her, whistling and putting on as brave a manner as though he +felt quite easy in his mind. + +"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of the +company, namely myself. + +And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied: + +"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both sides." + +Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a mediator, +for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's early seventies, +one still has many pathetically young ideas. + +The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus: + +"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for being +able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain resort. We get +tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and earn money and pay off +our debts. Ask this man if he would have been willing to do without all we +have learned from Switzerland...." + +That evening Mrs. Brede asked, + +"Why did you make Mr. Höy look so unreasonable today, Mrs. Molie?" + +"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!" + +As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really been +innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate Master set off +up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and remained away till midday. +If they had the matter out between them, then no doubt the lady spoke to +her much-tried friend as follows: + +"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! What an +idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give him a good +dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're the silliest, +sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...." + + + + +XIV + + +Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no other +visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a manner of +speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us still believe there +will be more visitors, because after all we're the only ones that have the +Tore peaks! + +But no one appears. + +The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and do not +complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things quietly; he +sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but once or twice I +have seen him walking away from the house at night, walking in deep +thought toward the woods. + +From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor traffic has +started there now. So this is the explanation of the quiet in our valley! +Then one day a Dane came down to us from the fjeld. He had climbed the +Tore peaks from the other side, something that had been thought impossible +till now. He had simply driven in a car to the foot of the mountains and +walked across! + +So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either. + +I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow green-fodder +in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at any rate, had been +his original intention, but then came the great caravan, and he neglected +it. Now, of course, the season is too far advanced for sowing, and there +will be nothing but docks and chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at +least, and sown? Why didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking +the woods at night? + +But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in farming was +diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has remained. He hears that +our lawyer is also an architect and asks him to draw a plan for the big +new house with the six rooms, the hall and the bathroom. Paul has already +ordered the log chairs and the reindeer horns for the hall. + +"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the cars coming +here too," said the lawyer. + +"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can do +something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must have a +road." + +The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round to look at +the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. Paul was already +quite convinced that three or four good tourist summers would pay it off. + +Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I discovered +that he smelled of brandy. + +Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, travelers who +were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. Everyone's spirits rose; the +strangers stayed a few days and nights, and were guided across the fjeld +by Solem, who earned a fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and +strolled about the farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to +discuss with the lawyer about the house. + +"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," he said. +"I shall be away for a couple of days." + +So they attended to a few minor matters. + +"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer. + +"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if I can get +the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a telephone and +automobile service and so on." + +"Good luck!" said the lawyer. + +So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about our own +affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said: + +"Will you go and sow the field by the river?" + +"Has Paul said so?" he asked. + +"Yes," she replied. + +Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, Josephine +went down to him and said: + +"Harrow it once more." + +What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought than the men! +She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have seen her many times +with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. And when she pretended that +none but the maids milked the goats and did outside work, it was for the +good name of the house. She had learned to play the piano for the same +reason. The mistress of the house helped her nobly, for both women were +thoughtful and industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was +light as a feather. And the chaste little hands she had! + +"Josephine, Joséfriendly!" I called her wittily. + + + + +XV + + +Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering taking her +departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she did not need a stay +in the mountains on that account, and if she was bored, why should she +stay? + +But a minor event caused her to stay. + +In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to cultivate +Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that they felt a need +to busy themselves with something, and to find someone to make a fuss +over. And here was the lad Solem. They got into the habit of telling one +another what Solem had said and what Solem believed, and they all listened +with great interest. Solem himself had grown spoiled, and joked +disrespectfully with the ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once +he had even bragged in a most improper way, saying: + +"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!" + +"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's chopping wood +and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps getting caught in the +wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he said: 'I wish I had time to stop +so I could chop this blasted finger right off my hand!'" + +"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of doing it, +too!" + +A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, tying a +fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was chaste, but young. + +The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the heat +coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all our strength. +But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied ourselves in various +ways: some of us wrote letters or played forfeit games in the garden, +while others were so far restored that they went for a walk "to look at +nature." + +Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. He had on +his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of going to bed. + +Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said: + +"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?" + +Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his forehead. + +"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. There was a +path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she said." + +Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, she paced +back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. Her red felt hat +was held on the back of her head by a pin, the brim turned up high in +front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, her shoes light. + +It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a window onto +her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! Had she not toiled +through her youth and gained school knowledge? But no reality! Poor Miss +Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any other lady tonight. + +As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, Miss Torsen +cleared her throat. + +"Come with me instead!" she said. + +Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right." + +So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated indifference, +as though nothing on earth were any concern of mine. + +"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already behind +the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they hurried lest +Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone. + +A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in her, +nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no language; her soul +was undernourished. A true woman would have married; she would have been a +man's wife, she would have been a mother, she would have been a +benediction to herself. Why pounce on a pleasure merely to prevent others +from having it? And she so tall and handsome! + +The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog approaches. +Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on the bone and +crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is approaching. + +It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my mind was +ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within me the nursery +rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking verses about the juniper +tree. + + To the top of the steepest mountains, + where the little juniper stands, + no other tree can follow + from all the forest lands. + Halfway to the hilltop + the shivering pine catches hold; + the birch has actually passed him, + though sneezing with a cold. + But a little shrub outstrips them, + a sturdy fellow he, + and stands quite close to the summit, + though he measures barely a yard. + They look like a train from the valley below + with the shortest one for the guard. + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now--- + why, it's only a juniper tree. + + Down dale there's summer lightning, + green leaves and St. John's feast, + with songs and games of children, + and a dozen dances at least. + But high on the empty mountain + stands a shrub in lonely glory, + with only the trolls that prowl about, + just like in a story. + The wind with the juniper's forelock + is making very free; + it sweeps across the world beneath + that lies there helpless and bare, + but the air on the heights is fresher + than you'll ever find it elsewhere. + None can see so far around + as such a juniper tree. + + There hovers over the mountain + for a moment summer's breath; + at once eternal winter + brings back his companion, death. + Yet sturdy stands the juniper + with needles ever green. + I wonder how the little chap + can bear a life so lean. + He's hard as bone and gristle, + as anyone can see; + when every other tree is stripped, + his berries are scarlet and sleek, + and every berry's plainly marked + with a cross upon its cheek. + So now we know what he looks like too, + this jolly juniper tree. + + At times I think he sings to himself + a cheerful little song: + "I've got a bright blue heaven + to look at all day long!" + Sometimes to his juniper brothers + he calls that they need not fear + the trolls that are prowling and peering + about them far and near. + Gently the winter evening + falls over the copse on the height, + and a thousand stars and candles + are lit in the plains of the sky. + The juniper trees grow weary + and nod their heads on the sly; + before we know it they're fast asleep, + so we say: "Good night, good night!" + +I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I sent to a +little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the country, and she +learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. Brede's little girls, who +stood still like two bluebells, listening. Then they tore the paper out of +my hand and ran to their mother with it. They loved their mother very +much. And she loved them too; they had the most delightful fun together at +bedtime. + +Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a madness, +but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did anyone prize her for +that? Who? Her husband? + +A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the consequences +of her being left behind for endless days. + + + + +XVI + + +Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks very happy +about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too restless and +strange to be contented with anything. + +Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with Solem, and +stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up again, she was +quite all right. + +Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though someone had +seized her by it? + +She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he were +nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods that had +made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no longer! It was like +her to want nothing real, nothing but the sensation, nothing but the +triumph. Solem had not understood that, and had flown into a passion. Had +it been thus? + +Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more direct +and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like "Oh, yes, +that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as strong as a man!" + +And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her with gross +eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself and seem +indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life whenever she was +about. But he might have saved himself the trouble. Miss Torsen was +stone-deaf to his songs. + +And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of sheer +defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done before, but she +began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, sitting by his work table +in the living room as he drew plans of houses. Such is the perverse +idleness of summer resorts. + + * * * * * + +So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I begin to +weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going across the +fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were in other years, +when visitors came in droves. And things will not improve until we, too, +get roads and cars. + +I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the neighboring valley +is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours is only called Reisa after +the river: the whole of the Reisa district is no more than an appendage. +Stordalen has all the advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls +the neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people there +are so petty and avaricious. + +Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as hopeless as he +went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a day, he stayed in his +room without once emerging. When he reappeared at last, he was aloof and +reserved, pretending he had been very successful during his absence; he +should manage about the cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had +a few more drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to give +their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with any sense. +Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the whole appendage? +Because then the caravans would come, scattering money over the valley. +They understood nothing, those fools! + +"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said the lawyer. + +"Of course," replied Paul with finality. + +Then he went to his room and lay down again. + +On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had toiled up +themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and now they wanted +some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could not possibly carry all +the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down in his room. I had seen Paul +again during the night go out to the woods, talking loudly and flinging +his arms about as though he had company. + +And here were all the strangers. + +Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem across to +Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help them carry. In +the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept looking at their +watches, for if they could not cross the Tore fjeld before nightfall, they +would have to spend the night outdoors. One of them suggested to the +others that perhaps this delay was intentional. The owner of the place +probably wanted them to spend the night there; they began to grumble among +themselves, and at last they asked: + +"Where is the master, the host?" + +"He's ill," said Josephine. + +Solem returned and said: + +"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes." + +A pause. + +Then Josephine said: + +"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!" + +She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and knapsacks on +her little back, and trotted off. The others followed. + +I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I would not +allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from the house would do +her good. We walked together and talked on the way: she had really no +complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum of money saved up. + +When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn back. She +thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with nothing to do but +walk. + +"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said. + +She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, the daughter +of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been going with the +tourists solely to carry their luggage. + +"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but that can +wait till the winter." + +We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I threatened to +throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then she would see! + +"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied Josephine, "and +then _you'll_ see!" + +By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew what had +happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted the burden from +my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of ceremony, and told me his +own and his companions' names. I must excuse them, I really must forgive +them; this was too bad, he had been so unobserving.... + +I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. It is not +strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me the ape of all +the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many another groans under a +burden of stupidity, which is little better. We all have our cross to +bear.... + +Then Josephine and I turned homeward again. + + * * * * * + +Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; this is +because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am troublesome to +others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw loose; people forgive me +because my hair is gray. You who live by your compass will say that I am +respected for the writing I have been doing all these years. But if that +were so, I should have had respect in my young days when I deserved it, +not now when I no longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the world-- +can be expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and only +the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that age. + +Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is due, not +so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born with this ability. + +I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have thought to +myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no doubt others have +said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I have gone even further than +this: I have intentionally exposed myself to direct contempt from other +literary men, and this has not hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. +On the other hand, my way of life has lent me an inner distinction for +which I have a right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet one can +endure even such a lie if one has character. + +You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!-- +"_Considering what book-writers do in the world, and what the world does +with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous thing the world +at present has to show_." You may quote many others as well; they will +assert that a great to-do is made over me for my authorship as well as my +native ability, and my struggle to hammer this ability into a useful +shape. And I say only what is the truth, that most of the fuss is made +because I have reached an age in which my years are revered. + +And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which makes it easy +to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and arrogant fashion. Old +age should not be honored for its own sake; it does nothing but halt and +delay the march of man. The primitive races, indeed, have no respect for +old age, and rid themselves unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A +long time ago I deserved honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than +one sense, I am a richer man and can afford to do without. + +Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. "How old +he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain silent so that I +may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing nonsense! + +The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old fellow and old +companion; for pity's sake don't say anything memorable to us--you should +have done that when you were better able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep +us company. But don't let your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't +restrain us; you have had your day--now it's our turn..." + +This is honest speech. + +In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers preserve +their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, unpleasant +labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she herself works +among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same with her own daughter. +It is her instinct. + + + + +XVII + + +Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see nothing in +them that I have not known before. So I sink to the level of watching +Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But that too is familiar and +dull. + +Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a delusion of +greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for the money he earns, +and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, though it is very warm; +round his neck and over his chest lies a costly silk tie tied in a +sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as he, as he well knows; he sings +as he crosses the farmyard, and considers no one too good for him now. +Josephine objects to his loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so +indispensable at the resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his +own will in many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company. + +Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with the +lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in his plans. +Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is the right man for +her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather simple-minded, +strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to reconcile herself to +the constant companionship of these two in the living room, and she +frequently had some errand that took her there; what was she after, Mrs. +Molie, of the ice-blue teeth? + +At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver them. He +began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore range which no one +had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be conquered by him. Miss +Torsen objected to this plan, and as she grew to know him better, begged +him most earnestly not to undertake such a mad climb. So he promised with +a smile to obey her wishes. They were in such tender agreement, these two! + +But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it out to +his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again. + +"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said. + +So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her. + +The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on the pair. +One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss Torsen and said: + +"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?" + +The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at length: + +"A path? No, thank you." + +She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she said: + +"I never heard of such brazenness!" + +"What got into him?" said the lawyer. + +Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer. + +That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss Torsen +again and said: + +"What about that path? Shall we go now?" + +As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to elude him. +But Solem did not hesitate to follow her. + +"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If you're +insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the farm...." + +But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he was guide +and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent laborer on the farm as +well. And soon the hay would have to be brought in, and casual laborers +would be engaged to work under him. No, Solem could not be driven off. +Besides, the other ladies were on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone +could save him by a word. She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her +hand. + +Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and became a little +more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. Once at midday, as he was +standing in the woodshed, I saw him make a scratch with the ax across the +nail of his thumb. + +"What on earth are you doing?" I asked. + +"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. "When this +scratch grows out--" + +He stopped. + +"What then?" + +"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said. + +But I had the impression that he meant to say something different, so I +probed further. + +"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here long then, +will you?" + +"Nails grow slowly," he muttered. + +Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping wood. + +A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a cackling hen +under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and called: + +"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?" + +"Yes," was the reply. + +Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he wanted to +behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did everything on the farm; +he was, hand and brain, indispensable. + +He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, for she +twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She had stopped +cackling now. + +"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem. + +Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem still +held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was done so quickly +that the two sections of the bird were still one in my eyes; I could not +grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, and it took my sight a +second or two to overtake the event. Bewilderment was in the expression of +this detached head, which looked as though it could not believe what had +happened, and raised itself a little as if to show there was nothing the +least bit wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the headless body +reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and spattered blood in wide +arcs before it fell at last. + +"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem. + +Then he went off to fetch another hen. + + + + +XVIII + + +I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This would, to be +sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the farm: but who would +fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you he just lounges all day in +his room, and has been doing so lately more than ever; the guests never +see him except through an unsuccessful maneuver on his part. + +One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his disregard of +time, have thought the guests had already retired, but we all sat outside +in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew himself up and saluted as +he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he said: + +"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I was right +there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying luggage!" + +Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared important enough, +so he turned round and asked: + +"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as porter?" + +"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting potatoes." + +"Wouldn't go?" + +"That's what Einar said." + +Paul thought this over. + +"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them off the +place." + +Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked: + +"Haven't they bought their land?" + +"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say in things +too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe me...." + +Then he said sternly to Solem: + +"You come to me next time." + +Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again. + +"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer. + +Nobody replied. + +"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like that?" the +lawyer remarked. + +Mrs. Brede said gently: + +"What a pity! He never drank before." + +And at once the lawyer was charitable again: + +"I'll have a good talk with him," he said. + + * * * * * + +There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning till night, +when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was hoisted, and there +was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's feet said _whrr_ under +her skirt. The manufacturer arrived with a porter; his wife and children +went far down the road to meet him, and the visitors at the resort sallied +forth too. + +"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. He won us +all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with the broad good +cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good friends with us at once. + +"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as they clung +to him. + +"Three days." + +"Is that all!" said his wife. + +"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short time, my +dear; three days is a lot for me." + +"But not for me and the children," she said. + +"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do some +moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!" + +They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew the way +to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once. + +In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the manufacturer and +his wife joined us in the living room; he had brought whisky with him for +the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; for the ladies he had wine. It was +quite a little party, the manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we +were all well satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, +this heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think only +of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. Flags should be +lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went across to the cottage, +too, to see if the children were sleeping well. Generally speaking, he +seemed fond of the children. Though he owned factories and hotels and many +other things, yet he seemed to take the greatest pride of all in +possessing a couple of children. + +One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and began to make +a speech. + +The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but here was a +perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man from the great +world outside, from the heart of life, who had brought them wine and good +cheer and festivity? Strange wares up here in this world of blue +mountains ... and so on. + +He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated. + +The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral country that +neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had visited, and therefore +could not disagree about. One of the Danes had been there and was able to +confirm the justness of the manufacturer's impressions. + +But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes: + +"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I was in a +bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in Icelandic!' Ha, ha, +ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at swearing in Icelandic,' he said!" + +Everybody laughed, and his wife asked: + +"And what did you say?" + +"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, ha!" + +Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget we had the +family of a real man of the world with us here--his wife, "this peerless +lady, scattering charm and delight about her," and the children, dancing +butterflies! And a few minutes later, "Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a +flourish on the piano. + +The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife. + +"Well, that's that!" was all he said. + +Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the Dane who +had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she seemed purposely +to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's attention was attracted, and +he asked for further information about the motor cars in the neighboring +valley: how many there were, and how fast they could go. The Dane told +him. + +"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" said Mrs. +Molie. "It hasn't been done before." + +In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him about this +adventurous journey also. + +"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" said Mrs. +Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where ever will you stop?" + +Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he believed it was +unconquerable. + +"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, hadn't +forbidden me," said the lawyer. + +"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent tone. This +was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again as though ready to +believe him capable of anything. + +"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said Miss +Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast." + +"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife with a smile. +"After all, I'm an old sailor." + +"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little. + +"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring." + +"Where?" + +"In Iceland." + +"What for?" + +"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't much use for +it," said the manufacturer. + +"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his wife +repeated nervously. + +The manufacturer laughed. + +"The curiosity of the female sex--!" + +"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the children if +you--" + +She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand. + +"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a question of +life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. Well--we'd better say good +night now, Gerda." + +The manufacturer and his wife got up. + +Then the first man from Bergen made another speech. + + * * * * * + +The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and then made +ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was contented and +entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky and soda was brought +him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little girls had a wildly +hilarious half-hour with him. At night a tremendous snoring could be heard +from his cottage. Before his arrival, the little girls had spent a good +deal of time with me, but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up +with their father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two +rowan trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the rope +so as not to injure the tree. + +He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was intending to +take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's head was bent now, but +he seemed even more hurt that the manufacturer should have paid a visit to +the cotters to see how they were getting on. + +"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, for all I +care!" + +The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was a little +depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his family's courage +up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with both hands, and the +children clung to his other arm. + +"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm not +allowed to say good-bye." + +The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his arm back; +Mummy, you hold him tight, too!" + +"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just a short +trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be there, too." + +"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children asked. + +He twisted round and nodded to us. + +"These women! All curiosity!" he said. + +But none of his family laughed. + +He continued to us: + +"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, too. He +shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, ha, ha! That's +the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself to find out what +comes after death!" + +But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His wife +stood still; her face was beautiful. + +"So you're leaving now," was all she said. + +Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at the farm +for these three days in order to be at hand. + +Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied by his +wife and children. + +I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and money and +everything, fond of his children, all in all to his wife-- + +Was he really everything to his wife? + +The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he wasted +time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went by.... + + + + +XIX + + +It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being sharpened in +the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly clad and bareheaded, +and call to one another and laugh; sometimes they drink from a bucket of +whey, then set to work again. There is the familiar fragrance of hay, +which penetrates my senses like a song of home, drawing me home, home, +though I am not abroad. But perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from +the soil where I have my roots. + +Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to sobriety? +Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The others go out and lie +on their backs; I steal off and find relish in myself, and feel poetry +within me for the night. The world wants no, poetry; it wants only verses +that have not been sung before. + +And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge irons now, +for the needs of the mob and the honor of the country. + +No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen and left +our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern Railway could have +come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's tours--then Stordalen in its turn +would have lain deserted. Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the +soil will probably go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields +for the rest of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our +descendants are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with +the demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic. + +Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where you must +shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the country, a born +mediocrity with a little school knowledge about history; you had better +ask him. He'll give you just as much mediocre information, my friend, as +your vision can grasp and your brain endure. + + * * * * * + +Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a most +irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to him; he saw +no way out and therefore preferred to make himself blind, which gave him +an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our permanent guests now left together: +the telephone operators, Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and +Palm, and two men who were in some sort of business, I don't quite know +what. This whole party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven +about in cars. + +Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were carried +up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make several journeys +with the side of his cart let down, and bring the cases over the roughest +spots one by one. That was the kind of road it was. Josephine received the +consignment, and noticed that one of the cases gave forth the sound of a +liquid splashing inside. That had come to the wrong place, she said, and +writing another address on it, she told the man to take it back. It was +sirup that had come too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime. + +Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; the sirup +had not come too late, Paul said angrily. + +"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We heard the +sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor. + +Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull and empty, +nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at times. Though he +wanted to build still more houses, he could not use half those he had +already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone with her children in one of +them, and since seven of the guests had left, Miss Torsen was also alone +in the south wing. Paul wanted at all costs to build roads and share in +the development of the tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of +motor cars. But since he had not the power to do this alone and could get +no assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to make +matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw his money.... + +Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before going out +himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, but he was +disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him loudly: "Good +evening, Paul!" and drew him outside. + +They strolled down the field in the dusk. + +Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" with a man +about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be settled by talking. +But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer was right in all he said, +and probably left him with good resolutions. + +Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post office; the +money he had from the seven departed guests would be scattered to all +quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough to cover everything--in +fact not enough for anything, for interest, repayments, taxes, and +repairs. It paid only for a few cases of food from the city. And of course +he stopped the case of sirup from going back. + +Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It was the +same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own way to go on +searching for a solution, and one day he asked the lawyer: + +"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish in-- +goldfish?" + +"Do you mean an aquarium?" + +"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?" + +"I don't know. Why?" + +"I wonder if I could get one." + +"What do you want it for?" + +"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, perhaps +it wouldn't." + +And Paul withdrew. + +Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish. + + + + +XX + + +The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even swings her in +the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to steady her when the +swing stops. Solem watches all this from the field where he is working, +and begins to sing a ribald song. Certainly these two have so ill-used him +that if he is going to sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the +time to do it; no one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, +and then began to yodel. + +But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting his arm +round her and stopping her.... + +It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the garden; he +didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss Torsen would not go +with him, and going alone was such a bore. He did not conceal that the +young woman meant something to him. + +Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked round +quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became his position +of a servant: + +"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm to take a +rope and go with him." + +The lawyer was startled. + +"Is he--?" + +The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His small, +athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence. + +"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell you. +Because after all it was your idea first." + +"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now he'll be +ahead of me." + +Solem knew how to get round that. + +"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go to the +village tomorrow." + +"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that." + +"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the Blue Peak +will be in all the papers." + +"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the matter. + +But Solem urged him on: + +"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about it." + +"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the lawyer. + +"We can go at dawn," said Solem. + +In the end they came to an agreement. + +"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me. + + * * * * * + +The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not in his +room, and not in the garden. + +"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I said. But it +transpired that the Dane had not even thought of climbing the Blue Peak +that day, and knew nothing whatever about the expedition. + +This surprised me greatly. + +I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the peak through +my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there was nothing to be +seen. It was five hours since the two men had left. + +At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in sweat and +exhausted. + +"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of guests. + +"What's happened?" somebody asked. + +"He fell off." + +How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we do? Rush +up the mountainside and look at the accident too? + +"Can't he walk?" somebody asked. + +"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us as though +to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. "He fell off; he +didn't want me to help him." + +A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway across the +field; she was going to the village to telephone for the doctor. + +"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish mountaineer. + +So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take brandy +and bandages to the site of the accident, and the Bergensians, the +Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went with him. + +"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak today?" I +asked the Dane. + +"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant to go, I +should certainly not have wanted company...." + +Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the stretcher. Solem +kept explaining all the way home how the accident had happened, what he +had said and what the lawyer had said, pointing to objects on the way as +though this stone represented the lawyer and that the abyss into which he +had plunged.... Solem still carried the rope he had not had a chance to +use. Miss Torsen asked no more than anyone else, and made purely +conventional comments: "I advised him against it, I begged him not to +go...." + +But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back to life. +Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was dead. The doctor +could do nothing here, and returned to his village. + +There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village to send a +telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did what we thought +decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the living room with books +in our hands. Now and again, some reference would be made to the accident: +it was a reminder, we said, how small we mortals were! And the Associate +Master, who had not the soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this +disaster would injure the resort and make things still more difficult for +Paul; people would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed. + +No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand the +Anglo-Saxon mind. + +Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him rather +than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to console us on this +mournful evening. + +And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of the men +from Bergen made a speech. + + + + +XXI + + +The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the city, and +Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the spot where it +had taken place. If the body had not been removed at once, they would have +written about that, too. + +Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish that Solem +should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest time, but must not +the business of the tourist resort go before all else? + +"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his work. A flock +of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, made him take them to +the mountains, to the river. A phrase was coined at the farm for Solem's +absences: + +"Solem's with death." + +But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in the very +midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he was an important +personage, listened to by strangers, doling out information. Nor did his +audience now consist of ladies only--indeed, no; this was something new, a +change; these were keen, alert gentlemen from the city. + +To me, Solem said: + +"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch on my nail +has grown out, isn't it?" + +He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it. + +The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not only about +the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the locality, and about +the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, with its wonderful +buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What a surprise to come here: +gargoyles, living room, piano, all the latest books, timber outside ready +for new jewels in their setting, altogether a magnificent picture of +Norway's modern farming. + +Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising. + +The English arrived. + +"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they asked. + +"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the farm. +"There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!" + +That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. So Solem +had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart away the hay, +but then the women had no one to help them rake. Confusion was rife. +Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither because there was no one to lead +them. + +The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving weather. As +soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, perhaps all the +hay. Oh, we should manage all right. + +More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. Their +perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had successfully +eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here without being caught. +There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against the sky! They hurried up so +fast that Solem was hardly able to keep pace with them. They would have +felt for ever disgraced if they had neglected to stand on this admirable +site of a disaster, this most excellent abyss. Some said it would be a +lifelong source of regret to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak +forthwith; others had no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, +and to shout down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out +on the ledge that they stood with their toes on death. + +But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort earned a +great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the furrows in his +face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong and active with good +fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who is not defiant in adversity +is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! Paul stopped drinking; he even +began to take an interest in the harvesting, and worked in the field in +Solem's place. If only he had begun when the weather was still slow and +patient! + +But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit again; he +only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters those outlying fields +from which they were used to getting half the hay; this year he would have +liked to keep it himself. But he had given his word, and there was nothing +to be done about it. + +Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could not even +stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three cartloads of fodder +were going to waste. + + * * * * * + +Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. The +newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying misfortunes, +the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. It had been an +intoxication; now came the morning after. + +The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his knapsack +and walked across the field like one of the villagers, caring no more for +the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in the last week had taught +him a lesson. + +And the tourists swarmed on to other places. + +"What harm have I done them," Paul probably +thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been +too much in the fields and too little with them? But I +greeted them humbly and took my man out of the +harvesting work to help them...." + +Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, sportsmen to +their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, cycling, and +football; they were going to be civil engineers--the young Norway. They, +too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of their ability; after all, +one must keep pace with modern life. But they were so young that when they +looked up at the peak, they were afraid. Solem had learned more than one +trick in tourist company; craftily he led them on, and then extorted money +from them in return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all +was well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a bloodstained +rag which he flung on the ground, saying, + +"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off." + +"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout. + +Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances. + +It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then rain again +for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was invisible, the +mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but rain. The roofs at the +Tore Peak resort began to leak more and more. + +The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and rotting, and the +stacks had gone moldy. + +The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. They had +carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs. + +The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left for home. +The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them walking in the +hills and telling them stories. The house is empty now. Associate Master +Höy and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they left last week, traveling +separately, though both were going to the same small town. + +He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while she crossed +the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is still here. + +Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever heard +anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your tongue. + +Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to the town +again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the winter, and +Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am simply longing. + +Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all sensible +Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the right road. The +papers are all writing about the splendid progress the tourist traffic has +made in Stordalen since the motor road was opened--ought I not to go there +and feel gratified? + +From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who are left; +Miss Torsen is still here. + +Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she does not +leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman Torsen, child +of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all through her formative +years, who has learned all about _Artemis cotula_, but undernourished +her soul. That is what she is doing here. + +I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with Englishmen, a young +sprout coming down from the mountain top with a bloodstained rag which he +threw on the ground, saying, "Here's what's left of your lawyer that fell +off!" Miss Torsen heard it, and never moved a muscle. No, she never +mourned the death of the lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote +off at once to ask another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to +be a swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't employed at +a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him when he came, and +said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for coming." So evidently +she had sent for him. But why did she not leave? Why did she seem to +strike root in the place, and even ask others to come here? Yet she had +been the first to want to leave last summer! There was something behind +this. + + + + +XXII + + +I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is somehow +connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem is still here. +How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl has been spoiled! I saw +her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, untouched, walking +intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying to his greeting. Did she +suspect him of complicity in the death of the lawyer and avoid him for +that reason? Not in the least; she avoided him less than before, even +letting him take her letters to the post office, which she had not done +previously. But she was unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her +bearings. Whenever she could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, +with dung; she sniffed at foulness and was not repelled. + +One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse that was +restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep red. But she +mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine: + +"Isn't that man leaving soon?" + +"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days." + +Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with a great +show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one to her. She +went away in silence. + +Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. Solem's +despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had inflamed, his +brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his looks--she sniffed at +all this and was excited by it. She had grown so unnatural that her sexual +needs were satisfied by keeping this man at a distance. The Torsen type no +doubt lies in her solitary bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in +another house a man lies writhing for her. + +But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. There was +nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the braggadocio of the +theater.... + + * * * * * + +Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question Solem about +the accident. We are alone together in the woodshed. + +Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak that +unfortunate Sunday morning? + +Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand. + +I repeated my question. + +Solem denied he had said any such thing. + +"I heard you," I said. + +"No, you didn't," he said. + +A pause. + +Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without shape, an +outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up again. When he was +on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to rights, we looked at each +other. I had no wish to speak to him further, and left him. Besides, he +was going away soon. + +After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out alone, aping +myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger +today!" And when this was done, I did other nothings, and when my money +began to run out, I wrote to my publisher, pretending I would soon send +him an unbelievably remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man +in love. These were the typical symptoms. + +And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of dwelling on +the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In that case I must have +concealed well in these pages that I never think of her except as an +object, as a theme; turn back the pages and you will see! At my age, one +does not fall in love without becoming grotesque, without making even the +Pharaohs laugh. + + * * * * * + +_Finis._ + +But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, and that is withdrawing to +my room, and sitting alone with the good darkness round me. This, after +all, is the last pleasure. + +An interlude: + +Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their footsteps and +their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of the evening, I cannot +see them. They stop outside my open window, leaning against it, and the +actor says something, asks her to do something she does not want to do, +tries to draw her with him; but she resists. + +Then he grows angry. + +"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly. + +And she begins to weep and says: + +"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at all. Why +can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you." + +Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I made my +presence known then because her weeping sounded so wretched; I moved a +chair and cleared my throat. + +The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, trying to +listen; but she said: + +"No, it was nothing...." + +But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the sound was. It +was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick with me; she had often +pretended that she thought I was not within hearing, and then created some +such delicate situation. Each time I had promised myself not to intervene; +but she had not wept before; now she wept. + +Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, the eyes +of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how well-behaved! +But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it from your hands! You +are so unnatural that in your seven and twentieth year, you walk +unmarried, barren and unopen! + +The pair drifted away. + +And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing into +solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. This is the +last pleasure. + +One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the company of +others and can endure only one's own, but because of their quality of +loftiness and religion. Strange how all things pass distantly, yet all is +near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must be God. It must be ourselves as a +part of all things. + + What would my heart, where would I stray? + Shall I leave the forest behind me? + It was my home but yesterday; + now toward the city I wend my way; + to the darkness of night I've resigned me. + + The world round me sleeps as I tarry, alone, + soothing my ear with its quiet. + How large and gray is the city of stone + in which the many all hopes enthrone! + Shall I, too, accept their fiat? + + Hark! Do the bells ring on the hillside? + + Back to the peace of the forest I turn + in the nightly hour that's hoarest. + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I yearn; + I shall rest my head on heather and fern, + and sleep in the depths of the forest. + + Hark, how the bells ring on the hillside! + +Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? Yes. + +It is the last happiness. + + + + +XXIII + + +The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than that: +imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, my friend, +whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. But I say there is +an imperial sun in the sky. + +It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for the woods +are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into being. A short time +ago they were not there, or I did not see them, or they had the earth's +own complexion. There is something unborn about them, like embryos in an +early stage. But if I whirl them about, they are miracles of fulfillment. + +Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close is the +poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible mushroom, and how +innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. What magnificent cunning! A +spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual vice itself, but preening in splendor +and brilliance, a very cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it +is good and soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. +Was it not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat. + +The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the cattle, but +they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells that they are +moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, sometimes sounding together +as though there were a meaning in it, a pattern of tones, a rapture. + +And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny flowers and +plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, wonderfully meek, with +tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless it, it's becoming a mother! +It has got caught in a dry twig and I liberate it. Life quivers within it; +the sun has warmed it today and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic +miracle. + +Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that passes +through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening. + +I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to rest, and +darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my feet feel their +way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the field, where it is a +little lighter. I walk on the hay that has been left outdoors; it is tough +and black, and I slip on it because it is already rotting. As I approach +the houses, bats fly noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A +slight shudder convulses me whenever they pass. + +Suddenly I stop. + +A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new house. He +has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but it is not the +little comedian himself. There he goes, into the house, right into the +house. It is Solem. + +"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the building, +in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. And Solem has just +gone in." + +I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, for after +all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes pass. He has not even +bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him clicking the key in the lock. +Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I hear nothing, nothing; a chair +scraping across the floor, that is all. + +"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; he may +overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? I--what for? +But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, take my word for it." + +Not a single cry. + +The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot go my way +and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A very thorough +business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it is almost dawn. It +occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps has killed her already; I +am alarmed and about to get up--when the key clicks in the lock again and +Solem emerges. He does not run, but walks back the way he came, down to +the veranda of my own house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it +hung before, and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been +naked under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all out. Now, +stark naked, he stalks to his room. + +What a man! + +I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What has +happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the lady is not +dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he goes to his room, +lights the lamp, and goes to bed. + +It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it at +once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her death and the +lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse others--the thief of last +winter, the man that stole the sides of bacon from a tradesman and sold me +rolls of tobacco out of his bag. No, I shall not keep silence about +anything then.... + + + + +XXIV + + +When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his breakfast, settled +his business with Paul and the women, and returned to his room. He was in +no hurry; though it was no longer early in the day, he took his time about +tying his bundles, preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the +windows of the south wing as he passed. + +Then Solem was gone. + +A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at once about +Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She had certainly +stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him time to leave; if she +wanted to see him she could have been here long ago. But was it not safest +to seem a little angry? Supposing, night owl that I was, that I had seen +something! + +"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly. + +"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied. + +"Lucky for him!" + +"Why?" asked Josephine. + +"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!" + +How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed down. Her +anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a scene; only she did +not walk proudly, as was her habit, but preferred to sit in silence. + +That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's departure, +and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took walks, she talked and +laughed with us, she made the actor swing her in the children's swing, as +in the lawyer's day.... + +I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness for +walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple of the +little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God and Goethe +and _über allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'_ that night. On my return, I was in +the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I undressed and went to bed in +the dark. + +Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady and the +actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; of that I was +sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had returned. There was +something she _wanted_ me to hear. + +Why should I listen to him still pleading with her? + +"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow." + +"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added suddenly; +"some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good +night." + +For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, settled man +though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the others! That's what +she's after! + +And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was Tradesman +Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she would give me a +kind word or a look that was quite out of the picture, and as unmistakable +as her pride would permit. No, she had no objections to seeing old age +wriggle. And listen to this: before this she had been intent to show a +well-behaved indifference to sex, but that was finished; was she not at +this moment resisting only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not +tonight, but some other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she was also +cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt. + +Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before his +pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too. + + * * * * * + +Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living room. The +lady and the actor read one book; I read another. + +"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?" + +"With pleasure." + +"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and fetch my +galoshes?" + +So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known popular +song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar way. + +She turned to me. + +"You seem silent." + +"Do I?" + +"Yes, you're very silent." + +"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book I held in +my hands. I read a longish bit. + +She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said impatiently: + +"What is this you want me to listen to?" + +"The _Musketeers_. You must admit it's entertaining." + +"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands and drag +them apart again. + +"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I replied, and +went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had written. They were only +a few poems--nothing special, just a few small verses. Not that I am in +the habit of reading such things aloud, but I seized on this for the +moment because I wanted to prevent her from humbling herself, and telling +me anything more. + +While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned. + +"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said. + +"No?" she replied absently. + +"No, I really looked everywhere, but...." + +She got up and left the room. + +He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a moment. Then it +occurred to him. + +"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he said, and +hurried after her. + +I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her face as +she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through me and my +pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no fool. I was the +fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman to despair. Some +practice the sport of making conquests and the sport of making love, +because they find it so agreeable; I have never practiced sport of any +kind. I have loved and raged and suffered and stormed according to my +nature--that is all; I am an old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the +shadow of evening, the shadow of the half-century. Let me have done! + +The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She had +turned him out; she had wept. + +I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her type. + +"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I shall leave +tomorrow." + +"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked. + +"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here they are,' +I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your nose,' I said. +'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So I went away." + +"She'll get over it." + +"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my opinion nobody +can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty sex, the women, a +mighty sex. They certainly are." + +He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went out again. + + * * * * * + +That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was there when +we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To the actor she was +very kind, quite making up for her petulance of the afternoon. + +When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a written note +folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he dropped everything he +was doing to unfold and read it. With an exclamation and a smile, his +blue, delighted eyes splashed over her; but she was looking down into her +lap with her forehead wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest +pocket. + +Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he tried to +cover it up somehow. + +"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to require +all his energy for the task of eating. + +Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking to him. He +had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she emerged from her +room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the good comedian could not +contain himself, but would surely let a third person into the secret? + +Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but he looked +very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have been a promise; +perhaps she would not tantalize him further. + + + + +XXV + + +A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel together, +and that would be the end. + +I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is stern. One +result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent for him in vain, nor +had he come in vain. + +That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to come--many more. + +She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; why be +niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that they lose +increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold back now? The +ground has been completely shifted: from half-measures to the immolation +of all virtue. The type is well-known, and can be found at resorts and +boarding-houses, where it grows and flourishes. + +In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or her +teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds herself in the +midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with quantities of tinned food +for her meals. The company round her is continually changing, tourists +come and go, and she passes from hand to hand for walks and talks; the +tone is "country informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life +stripped of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next room, +while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. In a short +time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, surfeited with herself +and the place. She is ready to go off with the next halfway respectable +organ grinder that happens along. And so she pairs off with the most +casual visitors, flirts with the guide, hovering about him and making +bandages for his fingers, and at last throws herself into the arms of a +nameless nobody who has arrived at the house today. + +This is the Torsen type. + +And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect the +fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the end of the +summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one in every corner. +But perhaps it consoles her to think that she knows the genitive of +_mensa_. + +Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked nothing, is +committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, nor anything +within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, nice. In fact he is +even something more of a man because he has really made a conquest. He has +no wish but to spend some pleasant hours with the Torsen type. + +He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once she was +visible through the doorway, and he called to her: + +"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the mountain!" + +"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied. + +He was impatient. + +"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that takes! +Ugh!" + +She measured him coldly and said: + +"You're very--familiar." + +If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been weeping and +gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and an hour's delay, +and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's manner changed at once, +and he replied docilely, as his nature was, + +"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!" + +Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally and swinging +his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of his knees, and the +unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was something unnatural about this +plumpness, as though it did not belong to his sex. + +His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His raincoat +hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, though it was not +raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But why speak harsh words about +a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, that had abused it, and it hung from +his shoulders as innocently as a bridal veil. + +Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is stern. +Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following scene will +take place: I stand here waiting only for this departure. So she gives me +her hand and says good-bye. + +"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright and easy +in her mind. + +"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your ways." + +"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the great +error of my ways! Well, really!" + +And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing on the firm +ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing like this: + +"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!" + +She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her head and +reply, pale and offended: + +"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you." + +But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, proud girl, +would have a lucid moment and see things in their true light: + +"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to keep? I am +thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I am seven and +twenty...." + +My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were somewhere +else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far away. + +"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss Torsen? I +must go now." + +"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you wait a few +minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. Good-bye, +good-bye." + +I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every nook and +corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good shelter. From here I +shall see when these two leave. She has only to say good-bye now to the +people of the farm. + +It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We spoke +only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and today I have not +spoken to her.... + +Here they come. + +Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; though they +walked separately up the mountain track, yet they belonged together. They +did not speak; the essential things had probably already been said. Life +had grown ordinary for them; it still remained to them to be of use to +each other. He walked first, while she followed many paces behind; it was +lonely to look at against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had +her tall figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. They each +carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably because, owing to +the greater number of her clothes, hers was the heavier sack. Thus had +they shifted their burdens; what burdens would they carry in the future? +She was, after all, no longer a schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no +longer with the theater or the films. + +I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare ground, with +not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far away near the ridge +murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put their possessions together, +were walking together; at the next halt they would be man and wife, and +take only one room because it was cheaper. + +Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human sympathy--nay, +of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, say a word of +warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few minutes--a good +deed, a duty.... + +They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill. + +Her name was Ingeborg. + + + + +XXVI + + +And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the Tore Peak +farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it snowed for the first +time--wet, sad snow. + +It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have played the +piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now I am leaving, +too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be cheerful for; things +have gone badly this year, and may grow worse as time goes on. The +prospect is not a good one. "But something will turn up," says Josephine. +She need not worry, for she has money in the bank, and no doubt there is a +young man in the offing, on the other side of the fjeld. + +Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. The other +day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. The friend could +not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had expected money, but it +hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer because of his private +affairs. That was all very well, but when would the bill be paid? Why, he +would send it from the town, of course; that was where he had his money! + +"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," said +Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I didn't like +the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as good as anybody, and +throwing his stick up in the air and catching it again. And then when Miss +Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told her, and I wondered if she couldn't +let me have the money for him. Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't +he paid himself?' 'No,' I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad +one, we need every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should +get the money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could trust her +for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money all right, if not +from him. I daresay she'll send it herself...." + +And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner. + +Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very steady, but +at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes no interest in +things; he does little more than feeding the horses and chopping some +wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of the summer cow houses for +autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, and probably it will not be done +at all. So far it hasn't mattered, but this morning's first wet snow has +covered the hay outdoors and the maltreated land. And so it will remain +till next spring. Poor Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he +pushes doggedly on against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, +knowing how useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile. + +His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on his +threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in memories, for he +has ninety years behind him. The many houses on the farm confuse him a +little; the roofs are all too big for him, and he is afraid they might +come down and carry him off. Once he asked Josephine if it was right that +his hands and fingers should run away from him every day across the +fields. So they put mittens on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in +fact he ate everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they +must be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about. + + * * * * * + +I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the way I had +come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It is fitting that I +should go back, always back, never forward again. + +I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then the +Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between a human +being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat wall, and a +paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age dwelling. Olga was +kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it +pained me to watch her flit about the room, tiny and crooked, as she +looked for a pair of reindeer cheeses for me. + +Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so many lonely +months. I did not enter it. + +Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. But I shall +skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not entering. This +morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the mouse I left here last +spring; but tonight I am taking it out again because I am no longer in the +mood, and because there is no point in it. Perhaps it would have amused +you to read it, my friend; but there is no point in amusing you now. I +must deject you now and make you listen to me; there is not much more to +hear. + +Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to you, then +I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into what is distant; +you do not, for this is something you cannot learn from your little +schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for me. I shall be merry +again with you later, when my strings are tuned to merriment. I have no +power over them. Now they are tuned to a chorale.... + + * * * * * + +At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on quickly in +order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I must have started +too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I shall reach the village +at high noon. What am I chasing after? Perhaps it is feeling the nearness +of the sea that drives me forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, +with the glitter and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts +through me like a greeting from another world. "_Thalatta!_" I cry; +and I wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless and +fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend the ridge as +though in a trance and reach the first house. + +There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window suddenly +disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though only the barn was +of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's home. As I entered the +house, I saw that though it was as poor within as without, the floor was +clean and covered with pine twigs. There were many children here. The +mother was busy cooking something over the fire. + +I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a couple of +small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, the woman said: + +"I expect you want a boat?" + +"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my last visit; +I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles from the sea. +"Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?" + +"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she replied, +"because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over lots of people +this year." + +Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have completely +altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten months ago. + +"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked. + +"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or there's Eilert +and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go there; they've got big +houses." + +She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to the +shore, and I proceeded thither. + + + + +XXVII + + +A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, displayed a +new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as usual, was a peat +hut. + +As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had stopped to +consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward me. Ah, well, the +world is a small place; we meet friends and acquaintances everywhere. Here +am I, meeting an old acquaintance, the thief of last winter, the pork +thief. What luck, what a satisfaction! + +This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now. + +At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that up. Once +he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in style: + +"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most welcome under +my humble roof, and such it is!" + +My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still collecting my +thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he explained that since the +motor traffic had started in Stordalen, many visitors came through this +way, and sometimes they wanted to stop over at his house before being +rowed across to the steamer. They always came down in the evenings, and it +might be fine, or it might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He +had therefore had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't +expect people to spend the night outdoors. + +"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said. + +"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to give +shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel there is to it. +My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if he builds a place +that's ten times as big. Look over there--now he's building another +house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got three grown men working on it so +he can get it done by next summer. But it won't be much bigger than my +place at that, and anyhow, the gentry don't want to be bothered walking +all that distance to his place when here's my house right at the car stop. +And besides it was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have +wanted to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make himself any +different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits of canvas and rugs +and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to sleep there. But I'd +never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a storehouse for fodder and hay +for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my mentioning it! But of course if +you've no shame in you and don't know how to behave in company--" + +"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down the road to +his place!" + +We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all the way, and +assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a good-for-nothing for +copying him as he did. + +If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have passed by +Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, though I may not have +appeared so. It cannot be helped. + +"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. "They're +gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through Stordalen, and they +had to walk because the cars have stopped for the season. They've been in +my house for quite some days, and I think they'll be staying on a while +yet. I think they're out now, but of course it means I can't let you have +my best room." + +I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through me--no, of +course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was a fresh surprise. +What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the door, there was the +actor, too--standing there looking at me: the actor from the Tore Peak +resort. It was his knees, his coat, and his stick. So I was right--I +_had_ recognized her face at an upper window. Yes, indeed, the world +is small. + +The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice to see me +again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking himself in liquor, +he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul seemed to think the whole +inn was an aquarium and we visitors the goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I +wish we were, I must say!--Well, Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock +for supper? Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been +here several days; we want to stay and get a good rest." + +As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft and +addressed the actor: + +"The missis wants you to come right upstairs." + +"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be stopping here, +too, I expect?" + +He hurried up the stairs. + +Eilert and I followed to my room. + + * * * * * + +As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He had a great +deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not unwilling to listen to +him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a fine fellow with four ragged, +magnificent youngsters by his first wife, who had died two years before, +and another child by his second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told +me this, the yarn about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had +spun for me last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the +message from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And +she, too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again. + +It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you tell me +about your family. + +No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been full of an +obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. Probably a mere +coincidence, but that did not detract from my satisfactory state of mind; +I was pleased with everything, and all things added to my cheerful frame +of mind. There were some pigs by the barn, very affectionate pigs, because +they were used to the children playing with them and kissing them and +riding on their backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of +course, standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming their +own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to the best of +their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just beneath the sunset, +began the great road that winds up through the woods and the valley. There +is something of the friendliness of a living being about such a forest +road. + +Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went with him. +Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; but he had promised +the gentry from the city some fish, and fish was one of the gifts of God. +Besides, if he lacked meat, he could always slaughter one of the pigs. + +There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert said, as +long as there was not too much of it. + +"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; "the +bigger the wind, the stronger the current." + +At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of Eilert's +French words: _travali, prekevary, sutinary, mankémang_, and many +others. They've had a long way to travel, coming here by ancient routes +via Bergen, and now they're common property. + +And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt extremely +ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock. + +"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore for a +while." + +But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and the sea +rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert. + +The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there was +entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An inner +exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained it. But I had +experienced no emotional excitement. + +We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising fast!" +cried Eilert, rowing with all his might. + +I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would manage by +himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that they could see me +from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. Eilert's wife might see +me and laugh at me. + +What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to put my head +over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a moment's relief, and +then it began all over again. Charming! I felt as though I were in labor; +the wrong way up, of course, through my throat, but it was a delivery +nonetheless. It moved up, then stopped, came on again and stopped, came on +and stopped once more. It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; +I had never felt anything like it before; it was not something I was born +with. All my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump of +steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, thank heaven, +my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed inside the islands that +served as a breakwater, and I was saved. + +Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, imitating my +own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. And I assured Eilert, +too, that this was the first time I had ever been seasick, so that he +should understand it was nothing to gossip about. After all, he had not +heard about the great seas I had sailed without the slightest discomfort; +once I had been four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the +passengers in bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me! + +"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert. + +That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had not +brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire to come +down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread and butter and +milk to be sent up. + + + + +XXVIII + + +Next morning they had gone. + +Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard them +perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of the plump +thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She hushed him, and +her voice sounded angry. + +Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some minutes, +negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had changed their +minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they went down to the boat, +Eilert with them. I could see them through the window, chilled by the cold +of early morning and short-tempered with each other. There had been a +frost during the night; ice lay on the water in the buckets, and the +ground was harsh to walk on. Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy +morning, with the sea still running rather high. There they go with their +knapsacks on their backs; she is still wearing her red hat. + +Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending to sleep +till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except myself. I could +not see the boat from my bed, so I got up again--just to while the time +away--to see how far they had gone. Not very far, though both men were +rowing. A little later I got up and looked again--oh, yes, they were +getting on. I took up my post by the window. It was really quite +interesting to watch the boat getting smaller and smaller; finally I +opened the window, even looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet +quite light, I could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed and +went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, Regine, was +up. How calmly and naturally she took everything! + +"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her. + +"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till after +they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose they're going? +Haddock fishing?" + +"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're leaving, all +right. They had their knapsacks on their backs." + +"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not a thing! +And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, neither!" + +I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that coffee was +nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup-- + +Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such foolishness was to +shake my head and go away. One must take the sensible view. How was it +possible to understand such behavior? Nevertheless I, the undersigned, +should have gone on to Olaus yesterday, instead of going fishing. That +would have been still more sensible. What business had I at this house? +Very likely she found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this +was why she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack. + +Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't matter. As +long as one has a reason to go away. + + * * * * * + +Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he came up +the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He was in a +furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it on him--no, +they'd just better not. + +Of course it was the bill again. + +"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I thought to +myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it as nonchalantly +as it should be taken. There are worse things." + +But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had driven them +away without their clothes; perhaps they had really expected some money to +be sent here--who knows? + +I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? "Good +heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to them at once +with their clothes!" + +But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had arrived +just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very moment. + +Well, there was no help for it. + +"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes next +Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again." + +I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. Why couldn't +he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular one? + +Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him the other +one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so good as this +one. And I should remember that the money the missis had paid him hadn't +covered more than the bill for one of them. So it was only reasonable that +he should take the fullest knapsack. As a matter of fact, he had behaved +very well, and that was the truth. Because when she gave him the larger +knapsack, and wrote the address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, +and said not another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on him-- +they'd better not, or he'd know the reason why! + +Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky. + +When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he was not so +lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been brooding and +speculating ever since last summer, when the motor traffic started, and +did I think it would be a good idea for him to hire three grown men, too, +and build a much bigger house than Olaus's? + +So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian disease! + +The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her clothes; I +recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I hardly looked at them, +of course; just unpacked them, folded them neatly, and put them back in +the bag again; because no doubt Eilert had had them all out in a heap. +This was really my only reason for unpacking them. + + + + +XXIX + + +Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this year. + +They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the trading station +for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment through the valley to +order a car to meet them. Stordalen, Stordalen, they said. So they had +apparently not yet seen Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once. + +And what a sensation they made! + +They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could hear them a +long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the others. Eilert +dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to the landing place in +order to be the first on the spot. From Olaus's house, too, a man and a +few half-grown boys went down, and from all the houses round swarmed +curious and helpful crowds. There were so many spectators at the landing +place that the old man with the loud voice drew himself up to his full +height in the boat and majestically shouted his English at us, as though +his language must of course be ours as well: + +"Where's the car? Bring the car down!" + +Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his two boys +up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the Englishmen had +arrived. + +They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not understand +why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the meaning of this?" +There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. As they came up past +Eilert's house, they looked at their watches and swore because so many +minutes were being wasted. Where the devil was the car? The populace +followed at some distance, gazing with reverence on these dressed-up +fools. + +I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud voice--who +wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green canvas with braid +and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets all over it. What a man, +what a power! His beard, streaming out from under his nose like the +northern lights, was greenish-white, and he swore like a madman. Another +of the party was tall and bent, a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, +stupendous, with sloping shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly +arched eyebrows; he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I +measured him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth was +tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept him on the +move. + +"Stordalen!" he cried. + +England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. She +desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not other +countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a couple of +generations be converted to pederasty.... + +Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and everyone +raced to meet it. + +Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in meeting the +car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; were they not to +get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in the back seat for their +return journey and thus enjoyed the drive of a lifetime; but money! They +had acquired enough brazenness in the course of the summer not to +hesitate, and approached the loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms +and clamoring: "Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the +car forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best by +driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the horn, and a +rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay! + +The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious visitors. +Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear comparison with them! +"Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" "And did you see the other +one, the one with the skirts and the northern lights?" + +But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus family, had +more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the first time understood +what he had read in the paper so many times, that the Norwegian elementary +school is a worthless institution because it does not teach English to the +children of the lower orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip +merely because they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman +with the northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just wait!" They +had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for tires.... + + * * * * * + +I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I do so is +that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count her clothes to +make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake not to have done so at +once. + +It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and thinking about +them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is now evident that I was +right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him going upstairs, and when I +came in, he was turning out the bag and going through the clothes. + +"What are you doing?" I said. + +At first he tried to brazen it out. + +"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him was so +much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I wronged him, he +complained, and exploited him: + +"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got more for +them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still wanted more, like +the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. That was Eilert. Yet he +was not too bad; he had never been any better, and he certainly had grown +no worse with his new livelihood. + +May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood! + +So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in order to take +better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy everything up for the +second time, but it had to be done. Later that evening I would resume my +journey, taking the knapsack with me. I had done with the place, and the +nights were moonlit again. + +Enough of these clothes! + + + + +XXX + + +Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty years ago I +walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, snowy roads, on bare, +frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the hunt for love. How well I +remember it! But it is no longer the same moonlight. I could even read by +it the letter she gave me. But there are no such letters any more. + +Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk abroad on an +errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go across to the trading +center and dispatch a knapsack by the steamer; after that I shall wander +on. And that requires nothing but a little ordinary training in walking, +and the light of the moon to see by. But in those old days, those young +days, we studied the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a +moon on Twelfth Night, for we could use it then. + +Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the teller. + +They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: deeper +pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you have read +right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a self-interest +that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten when he stood on the +summit, forgotten his own self, his own _alias_, red and white, +blowing a golden horn. Now he stands no longer--no, he sits--it is less of +a strain to sit. But now there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and +stupid, the honor of old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man +on his feet can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But +honor is meant to be used, not to be sat with. + +Let sitting men wear warm stockings. + + * * * * * + +What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days of the +golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for the night; but +where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm her breath was, coming +between lips a little parted! She will come again, of course; let us wait, +we have plenty of time, another twenty years--oh, yes, she will come.... + +I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon the +honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that a barn is a +gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a barn for thee! + +No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies. + +And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn. + +Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is fitting that +I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in a huddle, small and +invisible. Anything else you please, as long as you don't flaunt your +selfishness and your rags! + +I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's knapsack full +of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is just the right size. +But sleep will not come; there are only thoughts and dreams and lines of +poetry and sentimentality. The sack smells human, and I fling it away, +laying my head on my arm. My arm smells of wood--not even wood. + +But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? And I +scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart tomorrow. Just a +line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a softness in the letters, a +womanliness--I don't know. + +It doesn't matter. + +I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is up and +about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet of wrapping +paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and seal it and write +on the outside. There! + +Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it inside, I mean. +Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As I continue on my way, +I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt because the knapsack was +quite heavy after all, and now I am well rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I +think suddenly. And as I walk on I think irrelevantly: "The last country, +the last island, the last pleasure...." + + + + +XXXI + + +What now? + +I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer behind me-- +no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no difference where I +stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought I might as well go there-- +why not? A man cannot forever sit by the sea, and it is not necessary to +misunderstand him if he decides to leave it. So he leaves his solitude-- +others have done so before him--and a mild curiosity drives him to see the +ships and the horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a certain town. +When he arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness if he does not +know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. The moonlight +is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a certain address to +visit evening after evening, and to take up his post there as though +something depended on it. He is not expected anywhere else, so he has the +time. Then one evening someone finds him reading under a lamppost, stops +suddenly and stares, takes a few steps toward him, and bends forward +searchingly. + +"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--" + +"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen." + +"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. Yes, thank +you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I understood all at once--I +quite understand--" + +"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!" + +"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to come up, +would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't." + +"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. Unless you're +cold?" I suggested. + +"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to." + +We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out walking. +There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole evening +undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all through a cold +autumn month. + +Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, some of it +only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; sometimes with her head +deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a question, replying by a brief word +or a shake of the head. I write it down from memory; it was important to +her, and it became important for others as well. + +Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we struggle? +In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs and letters and +think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" There are others about +whom nothing at all will be written or read; life will close over them +like a grave. Either way.... + +What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had been +unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the universe; +everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. Then she heard a +man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered Blakka yet?" That was +_his_ preoccupation. So she was not the center of the universe after +all. + +Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on their tour. +The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked across fields, and +through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, and water from the +brooks. If they met other travelers, they greeted them, or they did not +greet them; no one was less a center of attention than they, and no one +more. Her companion walked in vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he +went. + +At one place they stopped for food. + +"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said. + +She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for the time +being" all the way. + +"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. Perhaps we +can get a loan further down the valley." + +"I don't borrow." + +"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper. + +"What is it?" + +"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?" + +"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up. + +"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the visitors' book." + +She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and wife; that +was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. But she had been +very foolish to agree to it. + +"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered. + +And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and took her +knapsack on her back. + +They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both without +discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It grew to be a +habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end of the valley by the +sea, and here she revolted again. + +"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any more!" + +The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they saved +money by it, she replied that she for her part required no more than one +room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked again, whimpered, +"Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his back was bent. + +She ate alone that evening. + +"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the house. + +"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied. + +There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be interested in the +roof, in the style of building, and walked round looking at it, pursing +his lips and whistling. But she could see perfectly well from the window +that his face was blue and dejected. When she had eaten, she walked down +to the shore, calling as she passed him: + +"Go in and eat!" + +But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and slept +under no roof that night. + +It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last next +morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, everything +slipped back again to where it had been. + +They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail boat, when one +evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew him, and he knew them +both; she was thrown into a state of the greatest excitement, made ready +to leave at once, wept and beat her breast, and wanted to go home, +immediately, at once. It ended as such things usually end: when she had +calmed down, she went to bed for the night. She was not the center of the +universe, and the old acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did +not appear to be looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of +flight early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did. + +Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had leisure to +think things over calmly. She now broke with her companion in earnest. She +had a minor disagreement with him again, for he had no ticket, and one +word gave rise to the next. It was all very well for her, he said; she had +her return ticket in her pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved +in all these trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, +and was she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him her +purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was probably +enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of him. + +"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," he said, +and left her. + +She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She was in a +bad way now, so very different from what she had once thought; what shame, +what utter futility she had wandered into! She brooded till she was worn +out; then she began to listen to what people about her were saying. Two +men were huddled on benches trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one +of them say he was a schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. +The schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the bench. + +It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the wind. The +artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had a berth, but +when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He was on the point of +lighting his pipe, but stopped. + +"Go on, don't mind me," she said. + +So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her face. + +He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick reddish hair +under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his forehead. His chest was +broad and flat, but his back was round and his hands massive. A great +horse. + +Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had evidently +been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let the food stand. + +"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?" + +"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking plenty of +time over it; then sat still again. + +"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said. + +"Oh--haven't you come far?" + +"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?" + +"From the town. I've been on holiday." + +"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head. + +"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added. + +"The Tore Peak? So." + +"Do you know it?" + +"No, but I know some of the people there." + +A pause. + +"Josephine's there," he resumed. + +"Yes. Do you know her?" + +"Oh, no." + +They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat there talking; +it was all they had to do. She asked where he came from and what his trade +was, and it seemed he was nothing important, only a paltry carpenter, and +his mother had a small farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee? + +"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a little in +the saucer?" + +She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a bite of food +as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she had finished, she +thanked him for that, too. + +"Haven't you a berth?" he asked. + +"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll be sick." + +"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--" + +With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She watched his +back disappearing down the companion to the lower deck. + +She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might come and +take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized sandwich with the +carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; this sheltered corner +seemed to her like a tiny foothold in life. + +There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole tray in his +big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for walking so carefully. + +She threw up her hands and overdid things a little: + +"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!" + +"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--" + +They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back half-dozing. +Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter lighting his pipe; +he struck two or three matches at once, but he was in no hurry; they were +always half burned before he put his pipe in his mouth and began to suck +at it. The schoolmaster called something to him, drew his attention to +something far inland, but the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing. + +"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought. + +At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he had been +below in the cabin. + +"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked. + +She did not reply. + +The carpenter looked from one to the other. + +"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion playfully. He stood +waiting a moment, and finally went away. + +"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," he was +thinking. + +"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up. + +"Oh, I'll be there some time." + +"What are you doing there?" + +He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she could see +at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his elbows on his +knees before he replied. + +"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, maybe. It +all depends." + +"Oh, I see." + +"What do you think of it?" he asked. + +"I think it's a good idea." + +"Do you?" + +They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward evening it +turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff with sitting, she +got up and stamped her feet, and when she had stamped till she was tired, +she sat down again. Once when she was standing a little distance away, she +saw the carpenter place a parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat +for her. + +Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, the wind +blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried: + +"Ingeborg, go below, will you!" + +"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship heeled over +on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to take a few skips to +keep her balance. + +"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do you hear? I +mean it, by all that's holy!" + +"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared. + +At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and sandwiches +again. + +"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said. + +He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if she thought +it was good enough. + +"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you someone to go +to?" + +"Oh, yes, I have a sister." + +Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it over, +looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When he had +finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had finished that one, +too, he said: + +"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, I'd better +learn something. And what with the farm as well--" + +"Yes, indeed." + +"You think so too?" + +"Oh, yes. I think so." + +Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private affairs of +her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got up. + +As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and said: + +"My name is Nikolai." + +"Oh, yes?" + +"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the town's +too big--" + +"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your kindness. +Good-bye." + + + + +XXXII + + +I ask Miss Torsen: + +"Have you met the carpenter since?" + +"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him because he's +a sort of mutual acquaintance." + +"Acquaintance?" + +"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens to be the +brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the Tore Peak farm +last summer." + +"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same family." + +"And that's why I've told you all this about him." + +"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, did you? So +you must have met him since." + +"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but not to +speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so on. Then he +said he was her brother." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"It was just in passing, quite by accident." + +This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of things are +accidental! It was an accident that I should have stopped under a +particular lamppost to look up something, to read a few lines. And then +you happened to live there." + +"That's right." + +"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I said. + +"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone." + +"No?" + +"You have to be pretty naïve to marry." + +"Well, I don't know that being naïve does any harm--being not quite so +clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being cheated. +Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever enough." + +"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect you +against being cheated. What else would it do?" + +"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness so much +that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from bad to worse, +because why should we worry? After all we've got our cleverness to help +get us out of the mess!" + +"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!" + +"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last summer, +you know." + +"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I came back +to town again it was as though--" + +A pause. + +"I don't know what to think," she said. + +"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the old days +people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary schools and the +right to vote; they lived their lives on a different plane, they were +naïve. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty good way to live. Of course people +were cheated in those days, too, but they didn't smart under it so; they +bore it with greater natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance." + +"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of course that's +all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We can't change the +times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up with the times." + +"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it used to +say so in the _Neue Freie Presse_. But a person with character goes +his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a different way." + +"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she said, +stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the day." + +"Do you?" I said. + +"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good thing?" + +"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?" + +"Ha, ha!" + +"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!" + +"Oh, I don't know." + +"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first you have +to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or possibly a +pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass through." + +"His valley? Whose valley?" + +"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the housekeeping +you're going to need from her." + +"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, "you're quite +on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't anybody." + +"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody." + +"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want." + +"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and handsome +enough and capable enough." + +"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good night." + +Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, almost at a +run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said more, to have been +wise and circumstantial and made useful suggestions, but I was left +standing in a kind of stupid surprise. + +Then something happened. + +"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the next time +we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a short walk? I was +just--" + +"Going to post a letter, I see." + +"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--" + +We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently an +advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation. + +As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She turned a deep +red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two stone steps leading +from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to her chest, as though she +were looking very carefully at the steps before venturing to come down +them. They greeted each other again; the stranger shook her hand, and they +began to talk. + +He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair beard, and +dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. He wore a top +hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with silk. + +I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which they had +enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had been quite a +party, first out driving, then at supper together. It was a memory they +had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She seemed a little +embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to look at the illustrated +papers displayed in the window, when suddenly the thought struck me: "Good +God, she's in love!" + +"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed something, +agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he left her. + +She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about some of the +pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" But she gazed at +them without seeing anything. Silently we walked on, and for several +minutes, at least, she said nothing. + +"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally. + +"Is that who it was?" I asked. + +"His name's Flaten." + +"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is he?" + +"His father's a merchant." + +"But he himself?" + +"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know." + +"Yes, but what about _him_; what does he do?" + +"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His father's +so rich, you know." + +I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid countryman's +shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of horses, while the owners +were busy making purchases in the shop. + +"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws money +about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all whisper, 'That's +Flaten!'" + +"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said. + +"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses well--always has." + +"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly. + +She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod: + +"Yes." + +"What--that dandy?" + +"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, spent a lot of +time together. It's really based on a firm foundation. He's the only man +I've ever been in love with in all my life, and it's lasted many years. +Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget him, but the moment I see him again, I'm +as much in love as ever. I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but +that doesn't change it. It's queer." + +"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and asked nothing +more. + +When we parted, I said: + +"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?" + +"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near there, and I +can show you if you like. What do you want to see him for?" + +"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a competent +master." + + * * * * * + +Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? Yet I have +visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in stature, strong and +plain-featured, a man of few words. Last Saturday we saw the town +together; why, I don't know, but I suggested it myself. + +I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the weather +was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very little now; she +had changed so much since returning to the town. She had become more the +ordinary type of girl, not in any one thing, but in general. She thought +of nothing but vanities and nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten +her last summer's wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at +school again, in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and +this occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence. + +"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going to school +again; I've been going to school ever since I was a child. I'm no good at +anything else. I can only learn--that's what I'm used to. There isn't much +I can think or do on my own, and I don't enjoy it either. So what do you +expect?" + +No, what could I expect? + +Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised at +anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics on +horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I thought tigers +were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head seemed preoccupied with +other thoughts, and he paid little attention to the women riders who were +doing their tricks. + +On the way home he said: + +"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the _Krone_ +with me tomorrow evening?" + +"The _Krone_--what's that?" + +"It's a place where they dance." + +"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much like +dancing?" + +"No, not much." + +"You want to see what goes on there?" + +"Yes." + +"All right, I'll go." + + * * * * * + +It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, that the +carpenter and I went to the dance. + +He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch chain. +But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well in anything. +He had such remarkable strength that it was never necessary for him to +give way; this had lent him assurance and authority. If you spoke to him, +he was slow to reply, and if you slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow +in turning round to see who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, +good-humored companion. + +We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the window was +closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the hall was let to a +private club for the first two hours of the evening. + +A few young people came along as we were standing there, read the notice, +and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, looked round, and +went in through the gate as though looking for someone. + +"We can't do anything about it," I called after him. + +"No," he said. "But I wonder--?" + +He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows. + +A man came down the stairs. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter still showed +no inclination to return from the yard. + +The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He explained, like +the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the first two hours. + +"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion. + +But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while waiting for +him. + +"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but just the same +they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you see." + +They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they danced as +though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, well, young +people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening at home; they wanted +to work off the week's idleness in two hours, so they danced. Not unusual, +really. + +"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two hours than +in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal people--they don't count +the pennies. And yet there's no wear and tear, because of course people +like that don't dance on their heels." + +The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to us. + +"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?" + +"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. "It's a +private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for instance, I don't even +know who they are. The money just came by special messenger." + +"It's Flaten," said the carpenter. + +"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know it. "Mr. +Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always in fashionable +company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, I must have another +look round the hall--" + +The landlord left us. + +But the carpenter followed him. + +"Couldn't we look on?" he asked. + +"What, at the dancing? Oh, no." + +"In a corner somewhere?" + +"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and daughter in-- +nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it." + +"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last time. + +"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back. + +"So you knew about this party?" I said. + +"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday." + +"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?" + +"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery." + +We walked on down the street, each busy with his own thoughts--or perhaps +with the same thought. I, at least, was furious. + +"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to buy +tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!" + +"No." + +Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It was +preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like a third +party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? A thought +struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I could: + +"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say anything +about that?" + +"No," he replied. + +"Didn't she say anything about me?" + +"No." + +"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to lie!" I was +highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out of the carpenter. + +Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the _Krone_. Nikolai turned +and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept straight on, he +hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard him once sighing heavily. + + +We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made myself +agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer together, then +went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting gallery. Finally we went to +a skittle ground, where we stayed for some time. Nikolai was the first to +want to leave; he looked at his watch, and was suddenly in a tearing +hurry. He was hardly even willing to finish the game. + +We had to pass the _Krone_ again. The cars had gone. + +"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very disappointed. I +believe he would have liked to be present when the party came out to enter +their cars. He looked up and down the empty street and repeated, "Just as +I thought!" He was suddenly anxious to go home. + +"No, let's go inside," I said. + + * * * * * + +It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, and a +throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery looking on. + +There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, shop +assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently seamstresses, +servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of light-footed damsels +who had no daytime occupation. The floor was crowded with dancers. In +addition to a constable whose duty it was to intervene if necessity arose, +the establishment had its own commissionaire, who walked about the hall +with a stick, keeping an eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance +was finished, the gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten +_öre_. If anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire +would tap him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and might, as a +last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably maintained. + +Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed a man who +was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping once--tall, swarthy, +lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered round him. + +"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I thought. + +"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai. + +"Oh, no," he replied with a smile. + +"Then we can leave any time you like." + +"All right," he said and remained seated. + +"Your thoughts seem to be far away." + +A long pause. + +"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to carry all the +manure and the wood myself." + +"So that's why you're so strong." + +"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the winter." + +"Yes, of course you will." + +"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent. + +"Yes?" + +"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with me this +winter, though--I've got a small spare room." + +"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea. + +"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter. + +Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, there he +was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore Peak. He was +standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he was Solem--"Solem, my +lad." He appeared not to be in the company of any one lady, for I saw him +choosing partners indiscriminately. Then he chose the wrong lady, and her +partner shook his head and said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the +couple to dance the next dance, and when it was finished, approached again +and bowed to the lady. Once more he was refused. + +The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, who could +tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without trimming. How +quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, but what a gentle +one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that of a repentant sinner. +Peerless! + +This was a woman for Solem. + +It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman that he +began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my lad." But his +boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he would show them an +image of sin! There was no sting in it; just old, familiar rubbish these +people had heard before. The commissionaire crossed over to him and asked +him to be quiet, pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. +This pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself said: +"Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of the Grecian +and her partner. + +He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other partners to +dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the late-comers having by this +time arrived. Many were crowded off the floor and had to wait, rushing to +get first place in the next dance instead. + +Then something happened. + +A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he was getting +up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and her partner, both +of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely clumsy as he rose that his +long arms and legs brought down a third couple. In a few minutes there was +a squirming heap on the floor; screams and oaths were heard, people grew +angry and kicked one another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster +with sincere and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them with his +stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself assisted him, and +the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting with the better part of +valor, slipped out of the room and did not return. + +Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing their shins, +dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others swearing. The Grecian +lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his temple, and put his hands to +his head in a daze. Questions were being asked about that--what was his +name?--that tall fellow who had started all the trouble. "Solem," said +some of the ladies. Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. +"Go and find him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," +said the ladies. + +Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him! + +But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from the floor +clung to her black dress, making it look as though spangled with stardust. +Submissively she accepted the lot of lying under all the others, entwined +in their legs, and smiled when someone pointed out to her that the comb in +her Grecian knot was crushed. + + + + +XXXIII + + +Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the snowplow at +home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years ago. + +Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. I sit in +the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been observant, he +would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, my absurdity +augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he was a child. In the +end I left it all behind me, and took my proper seat. My address is the +chimney corner. + +Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and Anglo-Saxon claptrap +in the town. This is my desolate period; my wheels stop, my hair stops +growing, my nails stop growing, everything stops growing but the days of +my life. And it is well that my days increase--from now on it is well. + +Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has got an +overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really need it, he +says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; and it was dear, +twenty _kroner_, but he got it for eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is +much happier about his overcoat than Flaten is about his. + +But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. His +friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of bachelordom, +for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told me this; I met her by +accident again under her own lamppost, and she told me then. + +"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said. + +"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a long time. +Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't know." + +"I think you've hit the truth there." + +She looked startled. + +"What do you mean?" + +"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were straight and +competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you wanted. What's happened +to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no longer reason to be bitter?" + +This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and meant well. + +She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said something +very sensible: + +"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you things exactly +as they were. I lost my post, which was a very serious matter. This made +me reflect for a time; that's true. But then--I don't know--I'm quite +adult, but not adult enough. I have two sisters who are really steady; +they're married and quite settled, though they're younger than I. I don't +know what's wrong with me." + +"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked. + +"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it." + +A pause. + +"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. "It might +have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you about the dinner +party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they thought of!" + +She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a great many +pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too bad. First they +had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of all, Flaten was sent +an invitation, of course, and it consisted of a painting, a very +emancipated painting in a frame, the only written words being the date and +the place, and the legend: _Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, +Bacchanales_. Then there were speeches for him who was about to leave +them, and generally speaking a most deafening shouting over the +wineglasses. And there was music, with someone of the company playing all +the time. + +But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, and girls +with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As there had been a +great deal of champagne, however, this part of the program tended to +deteriorate into something different, and the girls had to be sent away. +Then the gentlemen went down to the hotel lobby and stood at the door +watching for "opportunities." + +There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of clothes. +Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent forward over +the child to shelter it as she walked. + +"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your child!" + +"Yes, he's mine." + +"What, a boy?" + +"Yes." + +They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a servant +girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, who were both +short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected it carefully. + +"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says. + +"No," says the girl in confusion. + +That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first one +admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it over the +girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin and made it +smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and dirt all in one +little bundle. + +"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!" + +"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," they said. +"Where do you live?" to the girl. + +"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"_Have_ lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of them said, +taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and a great deal of +money was pushed into the girl's hand. + +"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her such a nasty +question," said the first of them. + +"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same thing, +but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a maiden!" + +A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then Bengt hailed +a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after her. + +"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the driver. + +Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. The group +were rather silent after this. + +"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about the money?" + + +"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old woman!" + +They grew cheerful again, and there were further "opportunities." A +peasant came down the street with a cow he was taking to the butcher's. + +"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your cow?" young +Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his head. So they bought +the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a minute," they said to the +peasant. Then they put a label on the cow, addressed to a lady they knew. + +"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant. + +By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned. + +"Where have _you_ been?" they asked in surprise. + +"The old lady said yes," was all he replied. + +"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, let's go to +the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old lady, too! What are we +standing here for? Let's walk into the bar!" + +_"Walk!"_ someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, cars!" + +The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it was +getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing time and +people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars arrived, ten of +them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered them. + +"Where to?" asked the drivers. + +"Next door," they said. + +So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that being the +bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the drivers. + +The bar was closed. + +"Shall we break in?" they said. + +"Of course," they said. + +So they all ran against the door together, till it said _ump!_ and +flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, shouting, and they caught +hold of him, slapped him on the back, and embraced him. Then they went +behind the counter and got out bottles for him and for themselves, +drinking and shouting hurrah for the baby, for Bengt's mother, for the +baby's mother, for the night watchman, for love and for life. When they +had done, they put some banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied +a handkerchief over them. Then they went back to the dining room. + +The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom slipper lined +with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long as they had the +strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. Then Flaten began to +distribute souvenirs among them. One got his watch, another his pocketbook +(which was empty), a third his tie pin. After this he went on to his +shoes, giving one to each of two friends, his trousers to another, and his +shirt to still another, till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they +collected quilts from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk +eiderdown quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. +He slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for some +more clothes. And then the party began all over again.... + +Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten one or two +details which she filled in afterwards. + +"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said. + +"And for the baby itself," I said. + +"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a tale!" + +"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that." + +"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the money +they settled on the child." + +"You'll change your mind about that, too." + +"Shall I? Why? When?" + +"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you." + +"Ugh, how can you say such things!" + +She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly offended. +To restore her to good humor I asked at random: + +"What sort of food did you get at the party?" + +"Don't know," she replied. + +"Don't you know?" + +"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest amazement. + +"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--" + +"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still more +offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the summer, and +tore them apart again. + +"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only thought +you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do learn cooking and +such in the daytime." + +"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your speech to suit +my narrow outlook!" + +A pause. + +"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked about the +food, only I forgot." + +She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to talk +about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured: + +"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry." + +"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you want to know +for? You don't know her." + +"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I persisted. + +"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I do! Flaten, +Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to enter his father's +firm!" + +"I only thought once he's married--" + +"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his father's +firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's so funny about +that?" + +"I'm not laughing." + +"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since Lind +publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human journal, he +says." + +"A human journal?" + +"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, almost +throwing the words into my face. + +She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did not +understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? Yes, perhaps +I ought." Then she began to cry. + +"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more." + +"You're not tormenting me." + +"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right note." + +"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--" + +What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing so +interesting as a question about oneself, I said: + +"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. Perhaps--well, not at +once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you that--well, that he's going +his own way now. But remember--" + +"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really mean +anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him." + +"But you said he was the only one!" + +"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course I've been +in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten was very nice, +and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or something like that. +And of course I was proud of his paying attention to me in spite of my +having lost my post. I think I could have got a job in his father's shop +but--anyhow, I'm looking for a job now." + +"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one." + +"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That is, I +shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old Flaten's +shop--I shouldn't fit in there." + +"Not very good pay either, I expect?" + +"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too much for it. +That wretched academic training of mine does nothing but harm. Oh, well, +let's not talk any more about me. It must be late; I'd better go." + +I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought about her +ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and an invisible sky. +No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man is served with a wife +who is nothing but a student. Why has no one in the country noticed what +the young women are coming to! Miss Torsen's tale of the wild party proved +how accustomed she was to sitting and listening, and then herself +disgorging endless tales. She had done it very well and not omitted much, +but she paid attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, +one who had studied her life away. + +When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the same time; +she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed this from the fact +that she was not in the least breathless as she spoke. + +"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said. + +"My dear girl--?" + +"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry about +that. Please be kind and forgive me." + +She took my hand and shook it. + +In my amazement I stammered: + +"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now don't +stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you walking back?" + + +"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening." + +"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--" + +"No, thank you." + +She pressed my hand firmly and left me. + +I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! Nevertheless I +stole after her to see that she got home safely. + + * * * * * + +It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that spirit of +labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she came to pay me a +visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked with her again and called +her Joséfriendly. + +How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about all of them, +but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank much now; but he did +little of anything else either, and had definitely lost interest in his +work. He wanted to sell the farm. He wanted to try carting and delivery by +horse cart in Stordalen. I asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; +Einar, one of the cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all +depended on Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it. + +I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man with +mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was ninety, who +smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and asked Josephine: + +"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?" + +"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared hope. We +must be thankful he's still on his feet." + +I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought it all +quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the ladies who +rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one of the great +churches, too, and found her way there alone. For several days she was in +the town and did a good deal of shopping. I never once saw her dejected or +brooding about anything, and at length she said good-bye, because she was +going back next day. + +Oh, so she was going home? + +Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to see Miss +Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course he had never +sent it. + +"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, and turned +quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it very easy either, +because she asked me to wait till next day, but she gave it to me then." + +So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. +She had just visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met +Miss Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had seen +him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she was not a +one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock as well. As far as +that was concerned, she had some woolen blankets, and two beds complete +with bedding, too, nor did she lack clothes: she had many changes, both +underthings and top ones. Yet in spite of that she had started some more +weaving. + +I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had had no +inkling-- + +No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting the troth +and all. But that had been their intention. Because otherwise why should +that schoolmistress, that sister of his, Sophie Palm, have come up and +stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak farm for two whole summers, and +behaved as though she were a lady? No, thank you, that was the end of +that. Anyhow, that was what she, Josephine, had thought once, but it was a +Providence that it wasn't going to happen, because there would never have +been anything but trouble. So it was just as well. + +Suddenly Josephine caught herself up: + +"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my weaving. +Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your hospitality." + + + + +XXXIV + + +It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied Nikolai +to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any case, he had +decided to go home and fell timber in the woods. + +It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by Nikolai's father, +while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and built on a second story. +He has plenty of room for me; I have a small room to myself. + +His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to see to, +and usually she is washing something or other, even if it is nothing more +than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the kitchen stove, and keeps +her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, and strains her milk through a +muslin cloth, which she afterward washes and rinses twice. But she picks +food remnants from between the prongs of forks with a hairpin! + +A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix hang on +the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves with oddments, +including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are still simple and +orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture in the house, the +chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly constructed chest, have all +been made by Nikolai himself. + +Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the day after +we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his mother. When I +asked for him, she said: + +"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the woods." + +His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she cannot be +much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and big-muscled, with a fair +complexion and thick, graying hair, a veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are +good companions to her hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good +enough to see far and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, +like all the peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut. + +I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For nearly a +generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects herself. "Sophie is +four and twenty now, and it was the year after her birth that he died." + +They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and twenty. + +I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I cannot +make it tally. + +Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had gone to +school and passed an examination, and now held such an important post. Of +course her inheritance was used up, but she had her learning instead. +Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, handsome girl, Sophie--look, +here is her portrait. + +I said I had met her at Tore Peak. + +At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be among her +equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came home every year, +too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I had met her at Tore Peak? + + +Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made myself +slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance almost to the +point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. And now it becomes +evident that his brain works well, too. He should have had a horse, yes, +but he cannot keep a horse till he can provide more fodder. But he cannot +buy more pasture land till he has more money. But he was learning more +about his trade in the town, and when he had finished his course of +training, he would earn more money. After that he would buy a horse. + +I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the farmers +cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no poverty. Here +were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the walls, as at Petra's; +but good, thick furs with woven backs hung over the doors, and the +children looked healthy and well-fed. The neighbors all knew I lived at +Petra's house; every visitor to this district lived at Petra's house--had +done so as long as they could remember. I could sense no hostility to +Petra in these silent people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, +and he was quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a +bachelor; he had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, +at some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra? + +The schoolmaster gossiped thus: + +People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always used to live +at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, and the engineer that +planned the big road lived there, and so did the two traveling preachers, +to say nothing of the itinerant peddlers who toured the district all the +year round. So it went on for many a year, with the children growing up, +and Petra getting big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big +merchant--a wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, +with his own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were +glass panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with Petra, +and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that the child +Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and saw him, he +stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm added two rooms to +the house, for it was his intention to open a shop there. But when he had +built honestly and well, he died. His widow was left with two small +children, but she had means enough, for Palm had had plenty of money. Then +why did not Petra remarry? She could have got a man in spite of the +handicap of two small children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. +But from her childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled +by this love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them stayed +there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was shameful. Her +parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had always been their way of +living, and besides it brought them a little money. So the years went by. +When the children were grown and Sophie was out of the way, she might have +married even then, for she still had half her money left, and being +childless again, it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +_was_ too late, she said; it was the children's turn to marry now, +she said. + +"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said. + +"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know whether anyone +has asked her this year, but last year there was someone--one person--or +so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra didn't want to. If I could +only guess what she's waiting for." + +"Perhaps she's not waiting at all." + +"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she takes in +all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a public nuisance +of herself...." + +As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood Petra's +arithmetic much better. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have remained +behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes a dead man of +me in any case. + +To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that Nikolai is +going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate what it will cost +him, with drainage and everything: a bare two hundred _kroner_. Then +he could keep a horse. It would have been an act of charity to give him +this money in case his mother could not. He could have added another field +to his land then. + +"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the two hundred +_kroner_ he needs for fodder for a horse?" + +"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered. + +"That makes six." + +"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred _kroners_ lying about." + +"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?" + +A pause. Then: + +"He can break the ground himself." + +I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has his own +problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that each one of us +struggles for himself as though he had a hundred years to live. I once +knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a large farm, the produce of +which they sold. Both were well-to-do bachelors without heirs. But both +had diseased lungs, the younger brother's much worse than the elder's. In +the spring, the younger brother became permanently bedridden, but though +he approached his end, he still maintained an interest in everything that +went on at the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called +his brother in. + +"What is it?" he asked. + +"Only someone to buy eggs." + +"What's the price per score now?" + +His brother told him. + +"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned. + +A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his sixty-seventh +year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody came to buy eggs, he +always gave him the smallest.... + +"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time breaking +his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his trade he'll earn +more!" + +"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy their chairs +and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper." + +"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?" + +"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just wants to be +a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he can do as he likes." + +"Well, what else could he do?" + +A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she says: + +"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the summer, both +at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time we had two Danes +living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you had a horse, you could +have driven us here,' they said to me." + +"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the bag!" + +"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and 'There are +high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in the fjord and fish +in the river; there are lots of things here, and there's a broad road +here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to them and heard it all, too. +'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we can't get away again unless we +walk.'" + +Just to say something, I asked her: + +"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?" + +"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the big mouth +replied. + +"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued: + +"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to get a +horse, wouldn't he?" + +"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied. + +"It's four hundred _kroner_." + +"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty." + +"But this land won't feed a horse!" + +"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy sacks of oats +on the headland." + +"That's eighteen _kroner_ a sack." + +"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first tourist." + +Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, and had +grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had she not put two +snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The money for coffee, for +the bed at night and waffles in the morning, had grown so dear to her that +she hid it away, watched it increase, and grew rich on it. She did not +produce like other peasant women, but no one can do everything at one +time, and Petra was a parasite. She did not want to live by earning +something; she wanted to live on the tourists who earned enough +themselves, and could afford to come. + +Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all works out as +it should--and it probably will. + + * * * * * + +It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, and I +harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is hard, I shall +walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I shall do. + +But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, who is +cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in Nikolai's workshop, +where there are many kinds of planes and saws and drills and lathes, and +there I fashion strange things. For the small boys of the neighboring +farm, I make a windmill that will really turn in the wind. It whirls and +rattles well, and I remember my own childhood when we called this +apparatus onomatopoeically a _windwhirr_. + +Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well as I can, +which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do I blame +anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of omnipotence? +For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods with my hands folded +on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a moment by an occasional +memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in surprise. Can this be an iron in +the fire? It is not, for it fades again, and I am left behind in a quiet +melancholy. + +But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled with a +heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and pictures rise in +my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones: + + We came from the meadow + and downy heather; + we came from friendship, + too-loo-loo-lay! + A star that watched + saw lips meet lips. + None else so dear, + so sweet as you. + + Those youthful days, + those happy days, + unmatched since then! + but what am I now? + The bees once swarmed, + the swan once played. + There's no play now, + yet too-loo-loo-lay! + +I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still resounding +within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at least. + +There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? The letter +is as follows: + + +Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you about +something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon as you come +back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say no. + +Yours, + +Ingeborg Torsen + +I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm going to +Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing myself in the +affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old uncle, that I can be +summoned hither and thither to give advice? Excuse me, but I am going to +assert myself and become quite inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I +have planned a big journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very +important to me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the +mind of man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at all +displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I am so +pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall soon see the +town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and its ships. + +But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's and got my +address? Or has she met Nikolai? + +I left at once. + + + + +XXXV + + +My landlady was surprised. + +"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your mail." + +"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a jewel." + +"Ha, ha, ha!" + +"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my address to +someone." + +"No, indeed; I swear I haven't." + +"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're right, I am +happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early and walk down by the +shore." + +"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't wrong of +me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you arrived." + +"A lady? You sent a message just now?" + +"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome lady; she +might have been your daughter, you know." + +"Thank you." + +"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at once, because +she had to see you about something." + +The landlady left me. + +So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have happened. +She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, everything was neat +and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. There, she can have that chair; +I'd better light the other lamp, too. It might not be a bad idea to sit +down to my correspondence; that would make a good impression, and if I put +some letters in a small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a +little jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now.... + +Then she knocked and came in. + +I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely drew out a +chair for her. + +"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen to send me +a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little embarrassed about +it, but--" + +I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to pound. Why +should my heart be affected? + +"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, expectant and on +the defensive. + +"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She began to clasp +her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of her gloves projected +beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of great excitement. + +"Perhaps _now_ I've done something you'll approve of?" she said, +suddenly pulling off her glove. + +She had a ring on her finger. + +"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to understand more +later, and merely asked: + +"Are you engaged?" + +"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though her mouth +shook. + +I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, "Well, now, +well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed formally, and +said: "My heartiest congratulations!" + +"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the best thing +to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or rash or--well, +don't you?" + +"Oh, I don't know--" + +"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd tell you." + +I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I had only +risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to smoke. + +A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the minutes +passed and I saw she was distressed, I said: + +"Why did you want to tell me this?" + +"Yes--why did I?" + +"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the world again, +but--" + +"Yes, I expect so." + +She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; she had +been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. I rose, too. +An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good heavens, what could +I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, and at the same time looked +very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? But as she got up, I could see her +face better under her hat--I could see her hair--the hair that was +beginning to show silken and silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! +She was tall and handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her +great breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly dry-- + +"Miss Ingeborg!" + +It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand toward her +slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I don't know-- + +But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her eyes had +grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place again, as she walked +toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped me. + +"What's the matter?" she asked. + +"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me more." + +"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the universe. +Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, and you--well, of +course, you're busy with your extensive correspondence." + +"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the letters; +they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, probably from complete +strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; you owe me that much. Look, I +shan't even read the letters." + +And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire. + +"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, trying to +save them. + +"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me through the +post, and sorrows I do not seek." + +She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point of +touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught myself in +time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and sympathetically +as I could: + +"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for the best; +you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better." + +No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank into her +chair almost absently. + +"I'm not unhappy," she said. + +"Aren't you? So much the better!" + +I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain myself, +to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I talked to distract +her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I could hear it buzzing. +What could I say? A little of everything--a great deal, in fact: + +"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky man? Nice +of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very nice; thank you very +much. You see I've only just come home and I haven't slept much on the +journey. I was anxious to know--well, perhaps not anxious exactly--but +still--You know what such a homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I +hardly got any sleep. Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you +for coming, Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a +child; that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give you +advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can quite safely-- +I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? Young, of course. I +am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss Ingeborg, in your new +condition. I mean, it will be so entirely different from what you've been +accustomed to, but God bless you, it will all turn out for the best, I'm +sure of that--" + +"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at me +apprehensively again. + +"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who is it? A +dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a schoolmaster perhaps, a +clever young schoolmaster--" + +She shook her head. + +"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--" + +"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly. + +"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry you on his +paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you for your +birthday?" + +But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the first +time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the wall, then at +another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop now, after having +spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and feeling profoundly excited +besides--heaven only knows why. + +"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could not see the +drift of this question, I merely looked at her. + +"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted. + +"Yes." + +"What is she like?" + +"Are you interested in her?" + +"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily. + +"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly engaged! What +the country was like? Well, there was a schoolmaster--you know, an old +bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he knew me, and put on the most +extraordinary airs the first day. And of course I returned the compliment +and said I had come exclusively to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why +should it be?' I said; 'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, +permanent churchman, chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I +attended his class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he +had an audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was riding +on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The man,' Peter +replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, Peter--maybe the man was +riding. Just like sin, like the devil riding us....'" + +But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me again. I +changed the subject clumsily: + +"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore Peak, for +instance. Josephine has been in town." + +"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head. + +"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever forget him. In +a certain number of years I shall be like him--perhaps not quite so old. +Then I shall be a child again with age. One day he came out, and went down +to the field. I saw him; he had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of +things, and I saw him lie down and eat the hay." + +She stared at me foolishly. + +"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before--possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had been +left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next tourist year." + +"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer me up, +because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps he's too good +for me; that's what his sister seems to think, anyhow, because she tried +to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, +I'm not unhappy, and that isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much +rather have him than anyone else--since I can't get the one I really +want." + +"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But the man you +want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that you didn't belong +with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I mean--" + +"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the place I'm +going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for anybody--at least I +can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how I'll manage. I wonder if +he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my very best; I've made up my mind +to that." + +"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. I can't +believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly in love, and +you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come through with flying +colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable and intelligent." + +"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she hesitated over +something, and seemed about to speak, then changed her mind again. At the +door, she stood with her back to me, pulling on her gloves, and said: + +"So you think I ought to do it?" + +I was taken aback by the question, and replied: + +"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?" + +"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can tell from +your manner that I've done the right thing." + +"Well, I don't know. I can't tell." + +I crossed the room to her. + +"Who is it?" + +"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good night." + +She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking at the +floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled helplessly +round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door and was gone. I +called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, and hurried after her. +An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened the street door. An empty +street. She must have run. + +"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought. + + * * * * * + +One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all the usual +places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go up to her home and +inquire about her. At first this did not seem to me too improper, but when +it came to the point, I hesitated. There is, after all, something to be +lost by making a fool of oneself. But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, +of course, but still-- + +A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; I hope +she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home and ring the +bell.... + +She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, last +week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai. + + * * * * * + +March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling how much +longer it may still last. That's what March is for. + +I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger entertainment at +the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my friend. You saw how +cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you even took part yourself, and +you carry about a broken rib as a cherished little memento of the +occasion. I saw it all from a slight distance away, ten miles, to be +exact; no people were near me, but there were seven heavens above. + +And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to say about +the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the harvest at the +theater--in dollars, and in sterling. + +The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. There he +goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all his glory. By +next year, he will have dragged other progressive people in his wake; he +will have dressed up Norway still more, and made it still more attractive +to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, and more sterling. + +What, do I hear someone objecting? + +Yes, Switzerland. + +Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her thus: +"Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can squeeze so much +profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at such clockwork? +Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want to rob you; there are no +pickpockets at this table. Here's to you!" + +But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves and fight. +There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and our rival--is +Switzerland. + + * * * * * + +Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room. + +"What, is it spring?" + +"Oh, it's getting on." + +"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should very much +have liked to stay, because this is really where I belong; but what more +can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. Do you understand me? I grieve +continually, and my heart sits wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is +spinning coins: I toss a coin into the air and wait. When I came here last +autumn I wasn't so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger +then, yet I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn." + +"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three weeks ago, +when you came back from the country, you were so happy!" + +"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so fast, and +nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, never mind; at all +events, I shall go away. I must travel when the spring comes. I have +always done so in the past, and I want to do the same thing now. Sit down, +Mrs. Henriksen." + +"No, thank you, I'm too busy." + +Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you were last +autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, don't you? Dear +Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit stockings for the +whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your family together like a +mother. But you mustn't let your little Louise sit for twelve years on a +school form. If you do, you'll hardly ever see her all through her youth, +those formative years of her life. And then she can't be like you or learn +from you. She'll learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn +to be a mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and +family together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is not +food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of continual famine +for her soul. + +"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?" + +"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go aboard a +steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I will go ashore. +If I find, on looking about me, that I have traveled too far or not far +enough, I shall board a ship again and sail on. Once I walked across into +Sweden as far as Kalmar and even Öland, but that was too far, so I turned +back. No one cares to know where I am, least of all myself." + + + + +XXXVI + + +You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of two years. + +And now it is spring again.... + +It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for there is +music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the tightrope walker +is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every sort throng the +village. The crowds are great, and there is even a sprinkling of +Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and whinny, cows low, and +trading is brisk. + +In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great cow of +silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the local farmers +stop to admire. + +"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a laugh. + +"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh. + +"Why, do you want to buy her?" + +"No, haven't got fodder enough this year." + +A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of this +window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive back. He +stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no doubt, for now +and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure enough, entering the +shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he intends to buy the silver cow! + + +It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth is he +doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might as well go the +whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the goldsmith's window myself, +mingling with the other spectators, and watching the door. + +At last the man re-emerges--yes, it _is_ Nikolai. It was his back and +hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks splendid. Imagine +Carpenter Nikolai being here! + +We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and ponderously by +the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get on. Yes, of course, he +has gone into the shop on business, in a kind of way. + +"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?" + +"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In fact, I didn't +buy anything." + +By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells me that he +has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it into pasture, and his +wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she lives in health to this day. + +"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?" + +"Yes, I came last winter. In December." + +"What a pity I didn't know!" + +I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I was in a +hurry, there was some business--- + +"Yes, I understand," he said. + +We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. Besides, he had +other business to attend to; he cannot absent himself from the farm for +long, and had to return next day. + +"Have you bought your horse yet?" + +"Well, no, I haven't." + +"Do you think you will?" + +"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and twenty +_kroner_." + +Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to do a +great deal of business there. + +"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's spring, and +do I not always travel in the spring?" + +I began to pack my knapsack. + +Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had entered. I +opened my window and called to him to ask if he had bought the horse. + +"N-no--the man won't meet my price." + +"Well, can't you meet his?" + +"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got enough +money on me." + +"I could lend you some." + +At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer were a fairy +tale. + +"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away. + +"Where are you going now?" I asked. + +"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--" + +Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that at all. +He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter without +stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That was all. But as +I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped packing, nor would I ask +Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I went out for a walk in the +town. I had as much right to do that as anyone. + +I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to exchange a few +words. + +"Is it yours?" + +"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he replied with +a smile. + +We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the horse. She +was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat and an off-white +mane and tail--a perfect little lady. + +That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for a chat +about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was saying good-bye at +the door, he seemed struck by a sudden thought. + +"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but you could +get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there day after +tomorrow," he added. + +How could I offend him again? + +We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at the +frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack all the way, +as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested that we should share +the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I think Nikolai wanted to +spare the little tawny lady. + +At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and carefully rubbed +down the mare once more. As our path sloped downward, I felt a pressure, a +contraction in my chest; it was the sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the +matter, but it was nothing. + +On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the doorway a +woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the floor. It was +the Saturday cleaning day. + +"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping dead in his +tracks as he did so. + +The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it was she, +Miss Ingeborg, _Fru_ [Footnote: Mrs. (Translator's note.)] Ingeborg. + +"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of the floor. + +"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, laughing. +"That's her idea of fun!" + +And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of lightheartedness! Yet I +had seen how content he had been all the way home, how deeply content, and +proud of the little lady he was bringing with him. Even now he was still +stroking her. + +Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It all +seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little time, a +moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her time, too. + +"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim. + +Nikolai went on stroking the mare. + +"I've brought a visitor with me," he said. + +I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather overdid my +unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet hand, which she +hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite formal with her, and +shook her hand as I repeated my greeting. + +"Well, of all people!" she replied. + +I persisted in my formal attitude. + +"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm here." + +"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've just got +through the cleaning!" + +A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed since our +last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to admire the mare, +Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child calling from within the +house, and the young mother ran off. + +"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder. + +As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. There was too +much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the windows, numerous +pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the ceiling, underneath it in +the center of the room a round table and chairs, knickknacks in a china +cupboard, a pink-painted spinning wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the +room was crowded. This, no doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had +been used to and considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had +been a light and spacious room. + +"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai. + +As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him: + +"She's very well." + +I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained. + +"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg. + +It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a year old. He +frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon as he was on his +mother's arm, he looked at me without fear. + +How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, indeed, with +her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had not possessed before. + + +"What a fine little _man!_" I said, admiring the boy. + +"I should think he was!" said the mother. + + * * * * * + +You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; I can +speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the mistress of +this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her words nervously, as +though it had been a long time since she last opened her mouth. What we +talked about? Well, we neither asked nor answered questions about +measuring angles or analyzing Shakespeare's grammar. + +Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, amid +livestock and Saturday cleaning? + +Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first toddling steps in +a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with fully adult knowledge she +was lost. She had other things to think about now, her home and her family +and the farm. Of course there wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's +mother had taken half of it with her-- + +"Has Petra gone away?" + +Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay when the +young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had come to the +house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru Ingeborg would not. She +knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So there were quarrels between +the older woman and the young one. + +Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the barn. It was +true she was not very skillful, but she was learning all the time, and +enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked questions; that, she saw, +would have been foolish, but she worked things out by herself, and kept +her eyes open when she visited neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say +she could learn everything. There were things she never learned properly +because she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of the +country, though they must learn them in time. But they never learn them +well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. To set up a weave, +you must have grown up with the sound of the shuttle in your ears; to tend +the cattle as they should be tended, you must have helped your mother +since childhood. You can learn from others, but it will not be in your +blood. + +Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The young wife +is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who loves her in +return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife seems to him peerless +in all she does. Of course she has taken great pains; it has left its mark +on her, too, and she is not gray for nothing. A few months ago she lost a +front tooth, too--broke it on some bird shot left in the breast of a +ptarmigan she was eating. She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't +recognize herself. But what did it matter as long as Nikolai.... + +Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the goldsmith's at the +market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; but she would do anything +in the world for him, too. Imagine using some of the money for the horse +on a brooch! Where is he now, where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's +stroking the mare again. + +"Nikolai!" she called. + +"Yes," his reply came from the stable. + +She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; perhaps a +thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was suffused with +excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, outlining its +contours. She began gently to stroke her knee. + +"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something. + +"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you imagine +anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, but.... You know +he's not a year old yet. I never knew children were such a blessing." + +"Well, you see they are." + +"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly well, and you +contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. Children? Miracles! And +when you're old, they're the only happiness--the last happiness. I shall +have more; I shall have many of them, a whole row of them, like organ +pipes, each taller than the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't +lost my tooth; it leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about +it, on Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But I've +given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've gone on +much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my childhood, all my +youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at resorts, even as a grown +woman? I needed a holiday from my school work, a rest, and immediately +turned it into sheer futility, every day a disgrace. I could cry with +regret. I should have been married ten years ago, and had my husband all +that time, and a home and many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out +of ten years of my life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--" + +"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!" + +No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why should I make +myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough anyhow. I was sick with +fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to show her my teeth: "Here, +don't miss them, have a good look!" But I'm afraid she saw what a fool I +was making of myself; everything I did was wrong. + +Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can well afford +it: + +"What, you old? Nonsense!" + +"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly. + +"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a man came +riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's terribly stingy. +Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because ours is new and good. +They've built a house at the end of the valley, and take in travelers-- +quite a big hotel, in fact, with the waitresses dressed in national +costume. Of course Nikolai and I both went to the wedding; Petra really +looked a charming and lovely bride. You mustn't think she and I are still +unfriendly; she likes me better now that I'm more competent, and last +summer they sent for me several times to interpret for some English people +and that sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food and +conveyance and tips in other languages! + +"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble with Petra +in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, the +schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to criticize in me, +so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But when she came here, she +was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it over me, showing off all her +knowledge. I was busy trying to learn what I needed to know for the life +up here, and then she came along and made me look small, talking about the +Seven Years' War all the time. She was terribly learned about the Seven +Years' War, because that's what she had in her examination. And our way of +talking wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks quite +well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of his has got to +put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to stay--for six months, +anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had to take a six months' holiday. +The baby's with Petra, with his grandmother, so he's well taken care of. +It's a boy, too, but he's hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. +Well, in a way, of course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up +her legacy and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she +comes home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I asked +her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. Anyhow, her +mother and I are quite reconciled. + +"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the horse. +Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. But we'll +manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all the furniture in +here himself, the table and china cupboard and everything; we haven't +bought a thing. He's dug up the new field himself, too. And we'll be +getting more cattle; you ought to see what a handsome heifer we've got.... + +"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a lot of +trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was enough to make you +sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to knit, too; I'd got one of +my neighbors to teach me, and I was knitting stockings for myself. But of +course Lady Sophie--well, she bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she +was charming. 'Get out!' I said to her. So they left." + +Nikolai entered the room. + +"Did you want me?" + +"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need something to +hang things on in front of the fire, a clotheshorse--come along--" + +I stayed behind, thinking: + +"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; living on her +nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid resolution she shows, and +how she's matured in these two years! But it has cost her a great deal, +too. + +"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!" + +At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who had once +tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How content Fru +Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! Life had changed so +much that such things were important to her; she grew heated again when +she mentioned it, and pulled at her fingers as she had done in her +schooldays. And why should she not be content? A small triumph now had the +rank of a bigger one in the old days. Proportions were changed, but her +satisfaction was no less. + +Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a steady hum. +Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best educated of them, +naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! She has extended her +self-discipline even to this, for they are all orthodox Christians in this +neighborhood. Believing? No, but not hostile, either. One reads Scripture. +Rather a clever ruse, that of the clotheshorse. + +She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. Delicious +broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should be, with barley, +carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has learned this at the domestic +science school. I consider all the things she has learned, and find them +numerous. Had she, perhaps, been a little overstrung in her talk about +children like organ pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a +mare's as she spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class +couples have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the night +separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a house of +fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during the day, when +their separate labors called them, but the night united them. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg! + + + + +XXXVII + + +Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved across to +Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really I ought to do +that.... + +Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's harnessed to a +neat cart that he has made himself and banded with iron. And now the lady +carts manure. The tiny farm with its few head of cattle doesn't yield too +much of this precious substance, so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws +the plow, and looks as though it were no more than the heavy train of a +ball dress behind her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and +neither has his wife. + +I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from every angle. +Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, exactly as though I knew +something about it. Rich, black soil--sheer perfection. + +I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and suddenly +turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and catkins and +peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here. + +And so the days wear on. + +I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like to stay +here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful and popular; I +shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell Nikolai that I must think of +moving on; this will not do.... And perhaps he will mention it.... + +"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it isn't the kind +of place--" + +"God bless you, Nikolai; it _is_ the kind of place, but--well, it's +spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I should have to be very +low before I gave that up. And besides, I expect you're both pretty tired +of me, at least your wife." + +This, too, I hoped he would mention. + +Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take the knapsack +out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So perhaps Nikolai +hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his mouth. So I placed the +knapsack on a chair in the middle of the room, all packed and ready, for +everyone to see that we're leaving. And I waited for the morning of the +next day, and this time the knapsack _was_ observed. No, it wasn't. +So I had to wait till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell +her then, pointing to what was in the middle of the room: + +"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today." + +"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said. + +"Why? Well, don't you think I should?" + +"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the cows will +be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have had more milk." + +That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her work. + +Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it had done +already on several occasions, that she had grown very like Josephine at +Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of expression. Twelve +years of school had laid no foundations in her young mind, though it had +loosened much that was firm within her. But that did not matter, as long +as she kept a firm hold now. + + * * * * * + +Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will be bringing +back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know very well that I +ought to go with him, because then I could catch the mail packet next day +but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay my bill. While he is harnessing +the horse, I finish packing my bag. + +Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place than I am +again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are those bells I +hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They are going to pasture +for the first time this spring, so that they shall give more milk.... Here +comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. Yes, here is the knapsack.... + +"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?" + +"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses." + +"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I cannot sit in +the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. I must wait till +there is really something to sit on. A rock is good enough, but you can't +sit on a rock for very long in May." + +Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window. + +"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You know those +butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there weren't any. And +if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God himself--well, He hasn't +moved out yet; it's too early." + +Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy. + +We go outside together. + +"Nikolai, I'm not going." + +He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling good-humoredly. + +"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as though an +idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot iron. So I mustn't +disturb myself. I'm staying." + +"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as you like +being here...." + +And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare trotting +briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard with the boy on her +arm to watch the gamboling calves. + +And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am! + + * * * * * + +Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had accumulated in the +past few weeks. + +"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," said Fru +Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us. + +"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them unread." + +Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on the +letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, a moment's +miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a moment--then she +withdrew her hand and said: + +"Better read them." + +She was deeply flushed now. + +"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. Then she +found something to do at the stove, while she asked her husband about his +journey, about the road, whether the mare had behaved well--which she had. + + +A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should not have +mentioned it. + + * * * * * + +A few days later. + +The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the living room +is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking out. + +A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I could not see +his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai carrying something, so I +went back to my table to work again. + +A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living room. + +Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her ask in +loud, hostile tones: + +"What do you want?" + +"I've come to pay you a visit." + +"My husband isn't in--he's in the field." + +"Never mind." + +"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!" + +I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was gray--gray +with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the living room. + +The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was everywhere. Our +eyes met. + +"I think you were asked to leave?" I said. + +"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of half-Norwegian, +half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the farms buying up hides. +Have you got any?" + +"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely distracted, and +suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling on the stove: Perhaps +she was on the point of flinging it at him.... + +At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house. + +He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he took in +the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him coming to the farm? +He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and went on smiling--left his +smile standing. It looked horrible; he was quite white, and his mouth +seemed to have stiffened in a smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, +a sexual colleague, a stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he +went on smiling. + +"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the door. Nikolai +followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped Solem raise his burden +to his back. + +"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale of furs and +skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it on Solem's back, +swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with needless emphasis. Solem's +knees gave way under him, and he fell on his face. We heard a groan of +pain, for the paved yard was hard as the face of the mountain. Solem lay +still for a moment, then he rose to his feet. His face had struck the +ground in falling, and the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried +to hoist his burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He +began to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into the +woods. + +Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The heavy burden +hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked bad. + +Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state of +collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too! + +Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to talk, and by +asking her questions, I force her to collect herself. + +"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he is--I could +murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now he's getting it all +back, he's getting more than his own back--you'll see. He was the first; I +was all right till then, but he was the first. Not that it meant a great +deal to me; I don't want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same +to me. But afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in +its train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me alone; I +don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, is it?--Oh, +where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to him, do you? They'll +put him in prison. Please, run after them, stop him! He'll kill him--" + +"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does he, that +Solem has done anything to you?" + +She looked up at me then. + +"Are you asking on your own account?" + +"What do you mean?--I don't understand--" + +"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes you seem +as though you were trying to find me out. _No_, I _haven't_ told +my husband. You can think what you please about my honesty. I've only told +him part of it, just a little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's +been here once before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I +wouldn't have in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in +here!' And I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; +so now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him now +either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe you any +explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to tell you, +please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's anger, but of +his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as though nothing had +happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for me, because that's his +nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, too, and peasants don't take +these things so seriously. But if he did find excuses for me, he wouldn't +be much good, and I don't want him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd +rather be no good myself! Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each +other, but we need all of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we +want to be human beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our +children.... But you oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me +that?" + +"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't occur to +him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried about. I just +wanted to reassure you." + +"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish now I hadn't +told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept it to myself till I +died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly dishonest." + +"On the contrary." + +"Really? Don't you think that?" + +"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, entirely +true and right. And not only that--it's fine." + +"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again. + +"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the road as +good and placid as ever." + +"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to find with +him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to find something, +I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions sometimes--I mean he says some +words differently, but it was only his sister that put that into my head. +I must go out and meet him now." + +She began to look around for something to slip over her shoulders, but it +took her a few minutes because she was still quite shaken. Before she had +found anything, Nikolai trudged into the yard. + +"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have you?" + +Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied: + +"No, I just took him over to see his son." + +"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked. + +Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, and his +wife went with him across the field. + +Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child. + +How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress Sophie Palm +came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about the bandage on his +finger, the finger he never had time to get rid of--stout fellow! They +made each other's acquaintance then, and probably met again later in the +town. Solem was everywhere. + +The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, but they did +little to improve him. And so he met this woman who had learned nothing +but to teach.... + + * * * * * + +I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand anything any +more. + +But something has happened to me now. + +At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for wanting to +keep me here is simply that they need money; my board and rent are to pay +for the mare. That's all it amounts to. + +I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add without +being misunderstood that the brain withers before the heart. You can see +it in all grandparents. + +At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," I said, +"you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such that I began to +feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for the mare once and for +all and depart; I should have been more than pleased to do so. But I +should not have succeeded. Nikolai would have shaken his head as though it +were a fairy tale. Then I began to calculate that in fact there couldn't +be much to pay for the mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid +for.... + +Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. She seldom +sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and she needs rest. +She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, mends, and washes. Often +a lock of gray hair falls down on either side of her face, and she is so +busy that she lets it hang; it's too short to be fastened back with a pin. +But she looks charming and motherly, with her fine skin and her +well-shaped mouth; she and the child together are sheer beauty. Of course +I help to carry wood and water, but I make more work for her just the +same. When I think of that, I grow hot about the ears. + +But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me for my own +sake? I should not have had all these years too many then, and these +ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at last. + +In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and this--time +when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the child, her boy, +had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm because I showed him so +much that was strange. It was the child's instinct for the peerless +grandfather. + +At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm to help +with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with grief, I packed. +To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make my way down to the +steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange to relieve all of us of +the need for farewells and handshakes and _au revoirs_, believe me! + +But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid taking them +both by the hand and thanking them for their hospitality. That was all +that was necessary. I stood in the doorway with my knapsack already on my +back, smiling a little, and behaving splendidly. + +"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again." + +"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg. + +"Why not?" + +"But so suddenly?" + +"Didn't I tell you yesterday?" + +"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?" + +"No, thank you." + +The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and a coat +with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. Very well, +then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a moment, more than a +few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened and investigated, of +course. Then Nikolai entered the room. + +Fru Ingeborg said to me: + +"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here now--but we've +got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, she could easily +sleep in the loft." + +"But, my dear child, I must leave _some_ time--I have work to do, +too, you know." + +"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up. + +Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked him and +refused. + +They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy sitting +on his mother's arm. + +At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, of course, +not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no longer anyone +there. + + + + +XXXVIII + + +I have written this story for you. + +Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom before +every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all written the same +way. I had even the intention of writing in dialect, so as to be truly +Norwegian; but when I saw you understood the country's language also, I +gave up writing in dialect because, for one thing, it is becoming +obsolete. + +But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single framework? +My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations was written +during a plague, _because_ of a plague--this is my answer. And, my +friend, when you have lived for a long time away from the human beings you +know inside and out, then you indulge once more in the iniquity of speech; +your powers have been so little used that your head is filled with a +thousand sermons. This is my defense. + +If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my outspoken +passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, you will lick +your chops. But to others you will shake your head and say: "Think of his +writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar soul, retire into solitude and +try to understand that episode! It has cost me much to surrender it to +you. + +Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my irons? +Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of one who is half +a century old--he has no other kind. But the distinction between myself +and my brother travelers is that I freely admit: I have none but these. +They were planned so big and so red; yet they are small irons, and they +hardly glow. This is the truth. They congregate with the painstaking works +of others round the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth +even though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the modern +spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn. + +One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in "cultured +company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart heart with a +"lady." I have written about human beings. But within the speech that is +spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins under the skin, like a +story within a story. I have followed the septuagenarian of literature +step by step, and reported the progress of his disintegration. I should +have written this description long ago, but I had not years enough; only +now am I entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done +it while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am being +accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you will say, +"chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame enough for the +last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall be dead. And you? May +you live long; you deserve it. May you almost survive me--in the flesh. + +I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and colorless." +Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers of a new +renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is too late now. +Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire to do more, +mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant with the feet of +clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, small friend, look about +you: there has appeared, within even your field of vision, a figure here +and a figure there, a shining crest, lavish with its bounty, geniuses +beneath the open sky--you and I should bid them welcome. I walk in the +evening of life and, trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth +with jeweled eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you +begrudge them fame. Because you are nobody. + +To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this during a +plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; no, it is +unassailable now, it flourishes under national protection, +tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. Meanwhile I do what +I can to fight it; you do the reverse. + +Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why my voice +is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A worse thing +would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any danger of that? No, +my friend, not for you; you will live till you die, be assured. + +Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You refused to +be convinced of the truth and integrity of my conclusions; but I shall yet +force you to recognize that I am close to the truth. Not until then shall +I make allowance for the fool in you. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +This file should be named 8lbhp10.txt or 8lbhp10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8lbhp11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8lbhp10a.txt + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/8lbhp10.zip b/old/8lbhp10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..614ee6d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8lbhp10.zip diff --git a/old/8lbhp10h.htm b/old/8lbhp10h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5afcda --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8lbhp10h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8472 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta name="generator" content="HTML Tidy, see www.w3.org"> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= +"text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<title>Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun</title> +<style type="text/css"> +<!-- +body {margin-left:5%; margin-right:10%;Color: #000000;Background-Color: #FFFFFF; +Font-Family: Times, "Times New Roman", Serif;} +H1{Font-Family: Arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif;Font-Size: 140%;Font-Weight: bold;} +H2{Font-Family: Arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif;Font-Size: 120%;Font-Weight: bold;} +H3{Font-Family: Arial, Helvetica, Sans-Serif;Font-Size: 110%;Font-Weight: bold;} +P{Text-Align: justify;} +HR{Width: 30%;} +A:link {color: #660000;Background-Color: #FFFFFF;} +A:visited {color: #660066;Background-Color: #FFFFFF;} +A:hover {color: #000000;Background-Color: #FFFFFF;} +A:active {color: #FF0000;Background-Color: #FFFFFF;} +.fnsuper{Font-Size: 70%;Vertical-Align: top;} +.footnote{Font-Size: 90%;Margin-Left: 6em;} +.centered{Text-Align: center;Margin-Top: 2em;} +.spaced{Text-Align: center;Margin-Top: 4em;} +--> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun +#5 in our series by Knut Hamsun + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Look Back on Happiness + +Author: Knut Hamsun + +Release Date: July, 2005 [EBook #8445] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on July 11, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +</pre> + +<h1 class="spaced">LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS</h1> + +<h1 class="spaced">KNUT HAMSUN</h1> + +<h2 class="spaced">Translated from the Norwegian<br> +<br> +By PAULA WIKING</h2> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + +<h2 class="spaced">I</h2> + +<p>I have gone to the forest.</p> + +<p>Not because I am offended about anything, or very unhappy about +men's evil ways; but since the forest will not come to me, I must +go to it. That is all. I have not gone this time as a slave and a +vagabond. I have money enough and am overfed, stupefied with +success and good fortune, if you understand that. I have left the +world as a sultan leaves rich food and harems and flowers, and +clothes himself in a hair shirt.</p> + +<p>Really, I could make quite a song and dance about it. For I mean +to roam and think and make great irons red-hot. Nietzsche no doubt +would have spoken thus: The last word I spake unto men achieved +their praise, and they nodded. But it was my last word; and I went +into the forest. For then did I comprehend the truth, that my +speech must needs be dishonest or foolish.... But I said nothing of +the kind; I simply went to the forest.</p> + +<hr> +<p>You must not believe that nothing ever happens here. The +snowflakes drift down just as they do in the city, and the birds +and beasts scurry about from morning till night, and from night +till morning. I could send solemn stories from this place, but I do +not. I have sought the forest for solitude and for the sake of my +great irons; for I have great irons which lie within me and grow +red-hot. So I deal with myself accordingly. Suppose I were to meet +a buck reindeer one day, then I might say to myself:</p> + +<p>"Great heavens, this is a buck reindeer, he's dangerous!"</p> + +<p>But if then I should be too frightened, I might tell myself a +comforting lie and say it was a calf or some feathered beast.</p> + +<p>You say nothing happens here?</p> + +<p>One day I saw two Lapps meet. A boy and a girl. At first they +behaved as people do. "<em>Boris!</em>" they said to each other and +smiled. But immediately after, both fell at full length in the snow +and were gone from my sight. After a quarter of an hour had passed, +I thought, "You'd better see to them; they may be smothered in the +snow." But then they got up and went their separate ways.</p> + +<p>In all my weatherbeaten days, I have never seen such a greeting +as that.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Day and night I live in a deserted hut of peat into which I must +crawl on my hands and knees. Someone must have built it long ago +and used it, for lack of a better,--perhaps a man who was in +hiding, a man who concealed himself here for a few autumn days. +There are two of us in the hut, that is if you regard Madame as a +person; otherwise there is only one. Madame is a mouse I live with, +to whom I have given this honorary title. She eats everything I put +aside for her in the nooks and corners, and sometimes she sits +watching me.</p> + +<p>When I first came, there was stale straw in the hut, which +Madame by all means was allowed to keep; for my own bed I cut fresh +pine twigs, as is fitting. I have an ax and a saw and the necessary +crockery. And I have a sleeping bag of sheepskin with the wool +inside. I keep a fire burning in the fireplace all night, and my +shirt, which hangs by it, smells of fresh resin in the morning. +When I want coffee, I go out, fill the kettle with clean snow, and +hang it over the fire till the snow turns to water.</p> + +<p>Is this a life worth living?</p> + +<p>There you have betrayed yourself. This is a life you do not +understand. Yes, your home is in the city, and you have furnished +it with vanities, with pictures and books; but you have a wife and +a servant and a hundred expenses. Asleep or awake you must keep +pace with the world and are never at peace. I have peace. You are +welcome to your intellectual pastimes and books and art and +newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky that only +makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content. If you ask me +intellectual questions and try to trip me up, then I will reply, +for example, that God is the origin of all things and that truly +men are mere specks and atoms in the universe. You are no wiser +than I. But if you should go so far as to ask me what is eternity, +then I know quite as much in this matter, too, and reply thus: +Eternity is merely unborn time, nothing but unborn time.</p> + +<p>My friend, come here to me and I will take a mirror from my +pocket and reflect the sun on your face, my friend.</p> + +<p>You lie in bed till ten or eleven in the morning, yet you are +weary, exhausted, when you get up. I see you in my mind's eye as +you go out into the street; the morning has dawned too early on +your blinking eyes. I rise at five quite refreshed. It is still +dark outdoors, yet there is enough to look at--the moon, the stars, +the clouds, and the weather portents for the day. I prophesy the +weather for many hours ahead. In what key do the winds whistle? Is +the crack of the ice in the Glimma light and dry, or deep and long? +These are splendid portents, and as it grows lighter, I add the +visible signs to the audible ones, and learn still more.</p> + +<p>Then a narrow streak of daylight appears far down in the east, +the stars fade from the sky, and soon light reigns over all. A crow +flies over the woods, and I warn Madame not to go outside the hut +or she will be devoured.</p> + +<p>But if fresh snow has fallen, the trees and copses and the great +rocks take on giant, unearthly shapes, as though they had come from +another world in the night. A storm-felled pine with its root torn +up looks like a witch petrified in the act of performing strange +rites.</p> + +<p>Here a hare has sprung by, and yonder are the tracks of a +solitary reindeer. I shake out my sleeping bag and after hanging it +high in a tree to escape Madame, who eats everything, I follow the +tracks of the reindeer into the forest. It has jogged along without +haste, but toward a definite goal--straight east to meet the day. +By the banks of the Skiel, which is so rapid that its waters never +freeze, the reindeer has stopped to drink, to scrape the hillside +for moss, to rest a while, and then moved on.</p> + +<p>And perhaps what this reindeer has done is all the knowledge and +experience I gain that day. It seems much to me. The days are +short; at two, I am already strolling homeward in the deep +twilight, with the good, still night approaching. Then I begin to +cook. I have a great deal of meat stored in three pure-white drifts +of snow. In fact I have something even better: eight fat cheeses of +reindeer milk, to eat with butter and crisp-bread.</p> + +<p>While the pot is boiling I lie down, and gaze at the fire till I +fall asleep. I take my midday nap before my meal. And when I waken, +the food is cooked, filling the hut with an aroma of meat and +resin. Madame darts back and forth across the floor and at length +gets her share. I eat, and light my cutty-pipe.</p> + +<p>The day is at an end. All has been well, and I have had no +unpleasantness. In the great silence surrounding me, I am the only +adult, roaming man; this makes me bigger and more important, God's +kin. And I believe the red-hot irons within me are progressing +well, for God does great things for his kin.</p> + +<p>I lie thinking of the reindeer, the path it took, what it did by +the river, and how it continued on its journey. There under the +trees it has nibbled, and its horns have rubbed against the bark, +leaving their marks; there an osier bed has forced it to turn +aside; but just beyond, it has straightened its path and continued +east once more. All this I think of.</p> + +<p>And you? Have you read in a newspaper, which disagrees with +another newspaper, what the public in Norway is thinking of old-age +insurance?</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">II</h2> + +<p>On stormy days I sit indoors and find something to occupy my +time. Perhaps I write letters to some acquaintance or other telling +him I am well, and hope to hear the same from him. But I cannot +post the letters, and they grow older every day. Not that it +matters. I have tied the letters to a string that hangs from the +ceiling to prevent Madame from gnawing at them.</p> + +<p>One day a man came to the hut. He walked swiftly and stealthily; +his clothes were ordinary and he wore no collar, for he was a +laboring man. He carried a sack, and I wondered what could be in +it.</p> + +<p>"Good morning," we said to each other. "Fine weather in the +woods."</p> + +<p>"I didn't expect to find anybody in the hut," said the man. His +manner was at once forceful and discontented; he flung down the +sack without humility.</p> + +<p>"He may know something about me," I thought, "since he is such a +man."</p> + +<p>"Have you lived here long?" he asked. "And are you leaving +soon?"</p> + +<p>"Is the hut yours, perhaps?" I asked in my turn.</p> + +<p>Then he looked at me.</p> + +<p>"Because if the hut is yours, that's another matter," I said. +"But I don't intend like a pickpocket to take it with me when I +leave."</p> + +<p>I spoke gently and jestingly to avoid committing a blunder by my +speech.</p> + +<p>But I had said quite the right thing; the man at once lost his +assurance. Somehow I had made him feel that I knew more about him +than he knew about me.</p> + +<p>When I asked him to come in, he was grateful and said:</p> + +<p>"Thank you, but I'm afraid I'll get snow all over your +floor."</p> + +<p>Then he took special pains to wipe his boots clean, and bringing +his sack with him, crawled in.</p> + +<p>"I could give you some coffee," I said.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't trouble on my account," he replied, wiping his +face and panting with the heat, "though I've been walking all +night."</p> + +<p>"Are you crossing the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"That depends. I don't suppose there's work to be got on a +winter day on the other side, either."</p> + +<p>I gave him coffee.</p> + +<p>"Got anything to eat?" he said. "It's a shame to ask you. A +round of crisp-bread? I had no chance to bring food with me."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I've got bread, butter, and reindeer cheese. Help +yourself."</p> + +<p>"It's not so easy for a lot of people in the winter," said the +man as he ate.</p> + +<p>"Could you take some letters to the village for me?" I asked. +"I'll pay you for it."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," the man replied. "I'm afraid +that's impossible. I must cross the fjeld now. I've heard there's +work in Hilling, in the Hilling Forest. So I can't."</p> + +<p>"Must get his back up a bit again," I thought. "He just sits now +there without any guts at all. In the end he'll start begging for a +few coppers."</p> + +<p>I felt his sack and said:</p> + +<p>"What's this you're lugging about with you? Heavy things?"</p> + +<p>"Mind your own business!" was his instant retort, as he drew the +sack closer to him.</p> + +<p>"I wasn't going to steal any of it; I'm no thief," I said, +jesting again.</p> + +<p>"I don't care what you are," he muttered.</p> + +<p>The day wore on. Since I had a visitor, I had no desire to go to +the woods, but wanted to sit and talk to him and ask him questions. +He was a very ordinary man, of no great interest to the irons in my +fire, with dirty hands, uneducated and uninteresting in his speech; +probably he had stolen the things in his sack. Later I learned that +he was quick in much small knowledge that life had taught him. He +complained that his heels felt cold, and took off his boots. And no +wonder he felt cold, for where the heels of his stockings should +have been there were only great holes. He borrowed a knife to cut +away the ragged edges, and then drew on the stockings again back to +front, so that the torn soles came over his instep. When he had put +on his boots again, he said, "There, now it's nice and warm."</p> + +<p>He did no harm. If he took down the saw and the ax from their +hooks to inspect them, he put them back again where he had found +them. When he examined the letters, trying perhaps to read the +addresses, he did not let them go carelessly, leaving them to swing +back and forth, but held the string so that it hung motionless. I +had no reason to complain about him.</p> + +<p>He had his midday meal with me, and when he had eaten, he +said:</p> + +<p>"Do you mind if I cut myself some pine twigs to sit on?"</p> + +<p>He went out to cut off some soft pine, and we had to move +Madame's straw to make room for the man inside the hut. Then we lay +on our twigs, burning resin and talking.</p> + +<p>He was still there in the afternoon, still lying down as though +to postpone the time of his leaving. When it began to grow dark, he +went to the low doorway and looked out at the weather. Then, +turning his head back, he asked:</p> + +<p>"Do you think there'll be snow tonight?"</p> + +<p>"You ask me questions and I ask you questions," I said, "but it +looks like snow; the smoke is blowing down."</p> + +<p>It made him uneasy to think it might snow, and he said he had +better leave that night. Suddenly he flew into a rage. For as I lay +there, I stretched, so that my hand accidentally touched his sack +again.</p> + +<p>"You leave me alone!" he shouted, tearing the sack from my +grasp. "Don't you touch that sack, or I'll show you!"</p> + +<p>I replied that I had meant nothing by it, and had no intention +of stealing anything from him.</p> + +<p>"Stealing, eh! What of it? I'm not afraid of you, and don't you +go thinking I am! Look, here's what I've got in the bag," said the +man, and began to rummage in it and to show me the contents: three +pairs of new mittens, some sort of thick cloth for garments, a bag +of barley, a side of bacon, sixteen rolls of tobacco, and a few +large lumps of sugar candy. In the bottom of the bag was perhaps +half a bushel of coffee beans.</p> + +<p>No doubt it was all from the general stores, with the exception +of a heap of broken crisp-bread, which might have been stolen +elsewhere.</p> + +<p>"So you've got crisp-bread after all," I said.</p> + +<p>"If you knew anything about it, you wouldn't talk like that," +the man replied. "When I'm crossing the fjeld on foot, walking and +walking, don't I need food to put in my belly? It's blasphemy to +listen to you!"</p> + +<p>Neatly and carefully he put everything back into the sack, each +article in its turn. He took pains to build up the rolls of tobacco +round the bacon, to protect the cloth from grease stains.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"You might buy this cloth from me," he said. +"I'll<br> + let you have it cheap. It's duffle. It only gets in my way."<br> +</p> + +<p>"How much do you want for it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"There's enough for a whole suit of clothes, maybe more," he +said to himself as he spread it out.</p> + +<p>I said to the man:</p> + +<p>"Truly you come here into the forest bringing with you life and +the world and intellectual values and news. Let us talk a little. +Tell me something: are you afraid your footprints will be visible +tomorrow if there's fresh snow tonight?"</p> + +<p>"That's my business. I've crossed the field before and I know +many paths," he muttered. "I'll let you have the cloth for a few +crowns."</p> + +<p>I shook my head, so the man again neatly folded the cloth and +put it back in the bag exactly as though it belonged to him.</p> + +<p>"I'll cut it up into material for trousers; then the pieces +won't be so large, and I'll be able to sell it."</p> + +<p>"You'd better leave enough for a whole suit in one piece," I +said, "and cut up the rest for trousers."</p> + +<p>"You think so? Yes, maybe you're right."</p> + +<p>We calculated how much would be necessary for a grown man's +suit, and took down the string from which the letters hung to +measure our own clothes, so as to be sure to get the measurements +right. Then we cut into the edge of the cloth, and tore it across. +In addition to one complete suit, there was enough left for two +good-sized pairs of trousers.</p> + +<p>Then the man offered to sell me other things out of his sack, +and I bought some coffee and a few rolls of tobacco. He put the +money away in a leather purse, and I saw how empty the purse was, +and the circumstantial and poverty-stricken fashion in which he put +the money away, afterward feeling the outside of his pocket.</p> + +<p>"You haven't been able to sell me much," I said, "but I don't +need any more than that."</p> + +<p>"Business is business," said he. "I don't complain."</p> + +<p>It was quite decent of him.</p> + +<p>While he was making ready to depart and clearing his bed of pine +needles out of the way, I thought pityingly of his sordid little +theft. Stealing because he was needy--a side of bacon and a length +of cloth which he was trying to sell in the forest! Theft has +indeed ceased to be a matter of great moment. This is because legal +punishment for misdemeanors of all kinds has also ceased to be of +great moment. It is only a dull, human punishment; the religious +element has been removed from the law, and a local magistrate is no +longer a man of mystic power.</p> + +<p>I well remember the last time I heard a judge explain the +meaning of the oath as it should be explained. It chilled us all to +the bone to hear him. We need some witchcraft again, and the Sixth +Book of Moses, and the sin against the Holy Ghost, and signing your +name in the blood of a newly baptized child! Steal a sack of money +and silver treasure, if you like, and hide the sack in the hills +where on autumn evenings a blue flame will hover over the spot. But +don't come to me with three pairs of mittens and a side of +household bacon!</p> + +<p>The man no longer worried about the sack; leaving it behind, he +crawled out of the hut to study the weather. The coffee and tobacco +I had bought I put back into the sack, for I did not need them. +When he returned, he said:</p> + +<p>"I think after all I'd better stop the night here with you, if +you don't mind."</p> + +<p>In the evening he gave no indication of being prepared to +contribute any of his own food. I cooked some coffee and gave him +some dry bread to eat with it.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't have expenses for me," he said.</p> + +<p>Then he began to rummage in his sack again, pushing the bacon +well down so that the cloth might not be stained by it; after this +he took off his leather belt and put it round the sack, with a loop +to carry over one shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Now if I take the neck of the sack over the other shoulder, +I'll find it easier to carry," he said.</p> + +<p>I gave him my letters to post on the other side of the fjeld and +he stowed them away safely, slapping the outside of his pocket +afterward; I also gave him a special envelope in which to keep the +money for the stamps, and tied it to the neck of the sack.</p> + +<p>"Where do you live?" I asked him.</p> + +<p>"Where can a poor man live? Of course I live by the sea. I'm +sorry to say I have a wife and children--no use denying it."</p> + +<p>"How many children have you?"</p> + +<p>"Four. One's got a crippled arm and the others--there's +something wrong with all of them. It's not easy for a poor devil. +My wife's ill, and a few days ago she thought she was dying and +wanted Communion."</p> + +<p>A sad note crept into his voice. But the note was false. He was +telling me a pack of lies. When they came to look for him from the +village, no Christian would have the heart to accuse a man with +such a large and sick family. This, no doubt, was his meaning.</p> + +<p>Man, oh man, thou art worse than a mouse!</p> + +<p>I questioned him no further, but asked him to sing something, a +ballad or a song, since we had nothing else to do.</p> + +<p>"I've no heart to sing now," he replied. "Except possibly a +hymn."</p> + +<p>"All right; sing a hymn, then."</p> + +<p>"Not now. I'd like to do you a favor, but--"</p> + +<p>His uneasiness was rising. A little later he took his sack and +went out.</p> + +<p>"Well, he's gone," I thought, "but he hasn't said the customary +peace-be-with-you. I'm glad I've come into the forest," I thought. +"This is my home, and from this day forth, no mother's son shall +come within my walls again."</p> + +<p>I made an elaborate agreement with myself that I should have no +more truck with men.</p> + +<p>"Madame, come here," I said. "I esteem you highly, and herewith, +Madame, I undertake to enter upon a union with you for life!"</p> + +<p>Half an hour later, the man returned. He carried no sack.</p> + +<p>"I thought you'd gone," I said.</p> + +<p>"Gone? I'm not a dog," he replied. "I've met people before this, +and I say good morning when I come and peace-be-with-you when I go. +You shouldn't sneer at me, you know."</p> + +<p>"What have you done with the sack?"</p> + +<p>"I've carried it part of the way."</p> + +<p>His concealing the sack in case anyone should come proved he had +forethought, for it was easier to get away scot-free without a +burden on one's back. To stop him from telling me any more lies +about his poverty, I said:</p> + +<p>"I expect you've raised plenty of dust in your day? Still do, +for that matter?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I do what I can," he replied cheerfully. "I can lift a +barrel easier than most, and nobody was able to dance me off the +floor last Christmas! Hush--is that someone coming?"</p> + +<p>We listened. His eyes darted toward the entrance, and in a +moment he had chosen to meet danger halfway. He was taut and +splendid; I could see his jaw working.</p> + +<p>"It's nothing," I said.</p> + +<p>Resolute and strong as a bull, he crawled out of the hut and was +gone for a few minutes. When he returned, breathing heavily, he +said:</p> + +<p>"It's nothing."</p> + +<p>We lay down for the night.</p> + +<p>"In God's name!" he said, as he settled himself on his pine bed. +I fell asleep at once, and for some time slept deeply. But during +the night restlessness seized on the man again. "Peace be with +you!" I heard him mutter as he crawled out of the hut.</p> + +<p>In the morning I burned the man's bed of pine needles; it made a +lively fire of crackling pine in the hut.</p> + +<p>Outside, the ground was covered with new-fallen snow.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">III</h2> + +<p>There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully +with oneself in the woods. To boil one's coffee and fill one's +pipe, and to think idly and slowly as one does it.</p> + +<p>There, now I'll fill the kettle with snow, I think, and now I'm +crushing the coffee beans with a stone; later I must beat my +sleeping bag well in the snow and get the wool white again. There +is nothing in this of literature or great novels or public opinion; +does it matter? But then I haven't been toiling just to get this +coffee into my life. Literature? When Rome ruled the world, she was +no more than Greece's apprentice in literature. Yet Rome ruled the +world. Let us look too at another country we know: it fought a war +of independence the glory of which still shines, and it brought +forth the greatest school of painting in the world. Yet it had no +literature, and has none today....</p> + +<p>Day by day I grow more knowing in the ways of the trees and the +moss and the snow on the ground, and all things are my friends. The +stump of a fir tree stands thawing in the sun; I feel my +familiarity with it grow, and sometimes I stand there loving it, +for there is something in it that moves my soul. The bark is badly +broken. One winter in the deep snow, the tree must have been +crippled, and now it points upward long and naked. I put myself in +its place, and look at it with pity. My eyes perhaps have the +simple, animal expression that human eyes had in the age of the +mastodons.</p> + +<p>No doubt you will seize this opportunity to mock me, for there +are many amusing things you can say about me and this stump of a +fir. Yet in your heart, you know that I am superior to you in this +as in everything else, with the single exception that I have not +your conventional accomplishments, nor have I passed examinations. +About the forest and the earth you can teach me nothing, for here I +feel what no man else has felt.</p> + +<p>Sometimes I take the wrong direction and lose my way. Yes, truly +this may happen sometimes. But I do not begin to twist and lose +myself outside my very door, like the children of the city. I am +twelve miles out, far up the opposite bank of the Skjel River, +before I begin to get lost, and then only on a sunless day, with +perhaps thick, wild snow coming down, and no north or south in the +sky. Then you must know the special marks of this kind of tree and +that, the galipot of the pine, the bark of deciduous trees, the +moss that grows at their roots, the angle of the south and +north-pointing branches, the stones that are moss-covered and those +that are bare, and the pattern of the network of veins in the +leaves. From all these things while there is daylight I can find my +way.</p> + +<p>But if the dusk falls, I know it will be impossible for me to +get home till the next day. "How shall I pass this night?" I say to +myself. And I roam about till I find a sheltered spot; the best is +a crag standing with its back to the wind. Here I collect a few +armfuls of pine needles, button my jacket tight, and take a long +time to settle. No one who has not tried it knows anything of the +fine pleasure that streams through the soul as one sits in a snug +shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass the time, but the +tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten, so I put +some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many things. +The snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough to +find a shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in +over me and form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am +quite safe, and may sleep or wake as I please; there will be no +danger of freezing my feet.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of +them called to me:</p> + +<p>"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?"</p> + +<p>I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question +was too stupid.</p> + +<p>"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I +<em>seen</em> a man go by?"</p> + +<p>So much for him!</p> + +<p>"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you +in the name of the law."</p> + +<p>"Oh."</p> + +<p>I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my +hut.</p> + +<p>The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said:</p> + +<p>"Did you <em>see</em> a man pass by here yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said.</p> + +<p>They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they +left the hut and returned to the village.</p> + +<p>I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of +his duties, how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses +for the capture and transport of the criminal; there will be honor +in having carried out the deed. All mankind should adopt this man +because he is its son, created in its image! Where are the irons? +He would rattle the links a little and lift them on his arm like +the train of a riding skirt, to make me feel his terrifying power +to put people in irons ... I feel nothing.</p> + +<p>And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They +instantly miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the +police.</p> + +<p>From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies +still too near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the +frost has gone out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I +have chosen a spot in the forest which I think I shall like. It is +twenty-four miles from the village and eighteen across the +fjeld.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">IV</h2> + +<p>Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some +days in succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying +good morning and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man +I imagined beside me, we carried on a long, intelligent +conversation, but if it was a woman, I was polite: "Let me carry +your parcel, miss." Once it must have been the Lapp's daughter I +seemed to meet, for I flattered her most lavishly and offered to +carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and walk in her skin; +tut, tut.</p> + +<p>Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will +not build that peat hut still further away from them.</p> + +<p>The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in +the winter I suffered privation and learned much in order to master +myself. It has taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it +cannot be denied that I am paying for my education rather dearly. +Sometimes I have been needlessly stern with myself.</p> + +<p>"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it +doesn't interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for +twelve hours, it will mean something to you," I said, and hid the +bread away.</p> + +<p>That was in the winter.</p> + +<p>Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great +that I could do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of +the forest. But even in the heart of the forest no man dares speak +aloud without looking round; rather, he walks in silence. For a +time you console yourself that it's typically English to be silent, +it's regal to be silent. But suddenly you find this has gone too +far, your mouth begins to wake, to stretch, and suddenly to shout +nonsense.</p> + +<p>"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much stronger today!"</p> + +<p>Perhaps if your voice is strong, the sound will carry for a +quarter of a mile--but then you feel a sting as though after a +slap. If only you had kept your regal silence! One day the postman +who crosses the fjeld once a month came on me just as I had +shouted.</p> + +<p>"What?" he called from the wood.</p> + +<p>"Careful below!" I called back to save my face. "I've put out a +trap."</p> + +<p>But with the longer days, my courage grows; it must be the +spring that causes this mysterious revival within me, and I no +longer fear a shout more or less. I needlessly rattle my pots and +pans as I cook, and I sing at the top of my voice. It is +spring.</p> + +<p>Yesterday I stood on a hillock and looked out across the wintry +woods. They have a different expression now; they have gone gray +and bedraggled, and the midday sun has thawed down the snow and +diminished it. There are catkins everywhere, drifts of them in the +underbrush, looking like letters of the alphabet piled in a heap. +The moon rises, the stars break forth. I am cold and shiver a +little, but I have nothing to do in the hut, and prefer to shiver +as long as possible. In the winter I did nothing so foolish, but +went home if I was cold. Now I'm tired of that, too. It is the +spring.</p> + +<p>The sky is pure and cool, lying wide open to all the stars. +There is a great flock of worlds up in that endless meadow, tiny, +teeming worlds, so tiny that they are like the sound of a tinkling +bell; as I look at them, I can hear thousands of tiny bells. Yes, +certainly I am being drawn more and more toward the grassy slopes +of spring.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">V</h2> + +<p>I fill the fireplace with pine wood, hoist my belongings to my +back, and leave the hut. "Farewell, Madame."</p> + +<p>That was the end.</p> + +<p>I feel no pleasure at leaving my shelter, but a touch of +sadness--as I always do on leaving a place that has been my home +for some time. But all the world stands outside calling to me. +Indeed I am like all lovers of the woods and fields; wordlessly we +had agreed to meet, and as I sat there last night, I felt my eyes +being drawn to the door.</p> + +<p>Several times I look back at the hut, with the smoke rising up +from the chimney; the smoke billows and waves to me, and I wave +back.</p> + +<p>The silky pallor of the morning refreshes me; in a long blue +haze over the forest, a slow dawn rises. It looks like a cheerful +piratical coast in the sky before me. The mountains are all on my +left.</p> + +<p>After a few hours' march I am like new from top to toe, and I +press on swiftly. I beat the air with my stick, and it says "hoo" +as it swishes; whenever I think I deserve it, I sit down and give +myself food.</p> + +<p>No, you have not my pleasures in the town.</p> + +<p>I beat my legs with my stick from the sheer exuberance of +living, and nearly cry out. I behave as though the burden on my +back had no weight, taking needless leaps, and overexerting myself +a little; but an overexertion to which one is driven by inner +content is easy to bear. In my solitude, many miles from men and +houses, I am in a childishly happy and carefree state of mind, +which you are incapable of understanding unless someone explains it +to you. I play a little game with myself, pretending to have +discovered a remarkable kind of tree. At first I pay little +attention, then I stretch my neck and contract my eyelids and +gaze.</p> + +<p>"What!" I say to myself. "Surely it couldn't be--"</p> + +<p>I throw down my burden and approach, inspect the tree and nod +sagely, saying it is a strange, fabled tree that I have discovered. +And I take out my notebook and describe it.</p> + +<p>Merely jest and happiness, a queer little impulse to play. +Children have done it before me. And here comes no postman to +surprise me. As suddenly as I have begun the game, I end it again, +as children do. But for a moment I was transported back to the +dear, foolish bliss of childhood.</p> + +<p>Perhaps it was the anticipation of soon seeing men again that +made me playful and happy!</p> + +<p>Next day, just as a raw mist descends on mountain and forest, I +reach the Lapp's house. I enter. But though I meet with nothing but +kindness, a Lapp hut contains little that is interesting. There are +spoons and knives of bone on the peat wall, and a small paraffin +lamp hangs from the roof. The Lapp himself is a dull nonentity who +can neither tell fortunes nor conjure. His daughter has gone across +the field; she has learned to read, but not to write, at the +village school. The two old people, husband and wife, are fools. +The whole family share a sort of animal dumbness; if I ask them a +question, I may or may not get half a reply: "Mm-no, mm-yes." I am +not a Lapp, and so they distrust me.</p> + +<p>All the afternoon the mist lay white on the forest. I slept a +while. In the evening, the sky was clear again, and there were a +few degrees of frost. I left the hut. The moon stood full and +silent above the earth.</p> + +<p>Heigh-ho--what untuned strings!</p> + +<p class="poetry"> But where are the birds all gone +away,<br> + and what kind of place is this?<br> + Here where I stand nothing moves or stirs,<br> + in this world that is dead, no event occurs;<br> + I stand in a silvermine.<br> + My eyes sweep round, but I sorely miss<br> + a homely, well-known outline.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> And so he came to a silver wood--<br> + thus ran an ancient tale.<br> + Here rests a song of shimmering fire<br> + as though it were sung by a starry choir.<br> + And swift in my youth, I leap<br> + to bind fast the troll, the cunning male,<br> + and awaken a maid from her sleep.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Today I smile at childish tales,<br> + old age has made me wise.<br> + Once proudly in prodigal youth I trod,<br> + now by age my foot is heavily shod;<br> + yet my heart--my heart would fly.<br> + I am driven by fire and bound by ice,<br> + no rest nor repose have I.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> A shuddering chill falls on the +night,<br> + like a cloud from the lungs in the cold.<br> + There passed a great gust through the silver lace<br> + of the woods, like a lion's royal pace<br> + on paws that are soundless and still.<br> + It may be a god on his evening stroll.<br> + The roots of the forest thrill.<br> +</p> + +<p>When I returned to the hut, the daughter had also returned home, +and sat eating after her long march. Olga the Lapp, tiny and queer, +conceived in a snowdrift, in the course of a greeting. +"<em>Boris</em>!" they said and fell on their noses.</p> + +<p>She had bought red and blue pieces of cloth at the draper's shop +in the village, and no sooner had she finished eating than she +pushed the cups and plates away and began to embroider her Sunday +jacket with pretty strips of the cloth. All the while she never +spoke a word, because a stranger was in the room.</p> + +<p>"You know me, Olga, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Mm."</p> + +<p>"But you look so angry."</p> + +<p>"M-no."</p> + +<p>"How's the snow track across the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"All right."</p> + +<p>I knew there was a deserted hut the family had once lived in, +and asked:</p> + +<p>"How far is it to your old hut?"</p> + +<p>"Not far," said Olga.</p> + +<p>Olga Lapp has someone to smile at surely, even if she will not +smile at me. Here she sits in the great forest, pandering to her +vanity and sewing wonderful scrolls on her jacket. On Sunday, no +doubt, she will wear it to church and meet the man whose eyes it is +meant to gladden.</p> + +<p>I was not anxious to stay any longer with these small beings, +these human grains of sand. As I had slept enough in the afternoon +and the moon was bright, I prepared to leave. After laying in a +further supply of reindeer cheese and whatever other food I could +get, I left the hut. But what a surprise: the bright moonlight was +gone, and the sky was overcast; there was no frost, only mild +weather and wet woods. It was spring.</p> + +<p>When Olga Lapp saw this, she advised me against leaving; but why +should I listen to her chatter? She came with me a little way into +the woods to direct me, then turned and went back, tiny and queer, +her feathers ruffled like a hen's.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VI</h2> + +<p>It was difficult to advance. Never mind. A few hours later I +found myself high up on the fjeld; I must have strayed from the +path. What is that dark shape there? A mountain peak. And that over +there? Another peak. Let us pitch camp on the spot, then.</p> + +<p>There was a deep goodness and tenderness about this mild night. +I sat in the dark recalling forgotten memories of my childhood, and +many experiences in this place and that. And what a satisfaction it +is, too, to have money in one's pocket, even if one sleeps in the +open!</p> + +<p>During the night I woke up; I found it growing too warm for me +under my crag, and loosened my sleeping bag. It seemed to me, too, +that a sound still hummed in my ear, as though I had called out or +sung in my sleep. Suddenly I felt completely rested, and turned to +look about me. It was dark and mild, a stone-still world. The sky +was paler than the ring of mountains round me; I lay in the center +of a city of peaks, at the foot of a great cliff, huge to the point +of deformity. The wind began to blow, and suddenly there was a +booming in the distance. Then came a streak of lightning, and +immediately after the thunder rolled down like a gigantic avalanche +between the most distant peaks. It was matchless to lie there +listening, and a supernatural delight, a thrill of enjoyment, ran +through me. A stranger madness filled me than I had ever felt +before, and I gave it expression by laughing aloud in wanton and +humorous abandon. Many a thought ran through my mind, witticisms +alternating with moments of such great sorrow that I lay sighing +deeply. The lightning and thunder came closer, and it began to +rain--a torrential rain. The echoes were overpowering; all nature +was an uproar, a hullabalooing. I tried to conquer the night by +shouting at it, lest mysteriously it should rob me of my strength +and leave me without a will. These mountains, I thought, are sheer +incantations against my journey, great planted curses that block my +path. Or perhaps I have only strayed into a mountains' trade union? +But I nod my head repeatedly. That means I am brave and happy. +Perhaps after all they are only stuffed mountains.</p> + +<p>More lightning and thunder and torrential rain; it felt as +though the near-by echo had slapped me, reverberating a hundred +times through me. Never mind. I have read about many battles and +been in a rain of bullets before this. Yet in a moment of sadness +and humility in the presence of the powers about me, I weep and +think:</p> + +<p>"Who am I now among men? Or am I lost already? Am I nothing +already?"</p> + +<p>And I cry out and call my name to hear if it still lives.</p> + +<p>A wheel of gold turned before my eyes, and the thunder clapped +over my very head, on my own fjeld. Instantly I started out of the +sleeping bag and left my shelter. The thunder rolled on, there was +lightning and more thunder, worlds were uprooted. Why had I not +listened to Olga's advice and remained in the hut? Is it the Lapps +whose magic powers are doing this? The Lapps? Those human mites, +those mountain dwarfs! What is all this noise to me? I made a +feeble effort to walk against it, but stopped again, for I was +among giants, and saw the foolishness of trying to battle with the +thunder.</p> + +<p>I leaned against the side of the mountain: no longer did I stand +shouting and hurling challenges at my opponent, but looked at him +with milk-blue eyes. And now that I have yielded, none but a +mountain would be so hard. But I am not rhymes and rhythms alone; +did you think I should waste my good brain chasing such rainbows? +You lie. Here I lean against the whole world, and you, perhaps, +believe the blue of my eyes....</p> + +<p>At that, the lightning struck me. This was a miracle, and it +happened to me. It ran down my left elbow, scorching the sleeve of +my jacket. The lightning seemed like a ball of wool that dropped to +the ground. I felt a sensation of heat, and saw that the ground +farther down the mountain was struck a loud blow and then split. A +great oppression held me down; a spear of darkness shot through me. +And then it thundered beyond all measure, not long and rumbling, +but firm and clear and rattling.</p> + +<p>The storm passed on.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VII</h2> + +<p>Next day I arrived at the deserted hut, drenched to the skin, +struck by lightning, but in a strangely gentle and yielding mood, +as after a punishment. My good fortune in the midst of my ill-luck +made me overfriendly to everything; I tramped on without hurting +the ground, and I avoided sinful thoughts, though it was spring. I +was not even out of temper when I had to retrace my steps across +the fjeld to find my way again to the hut. I had time; there was no +hurry. I was the first tourist of the spring season, and far too +early.</p> + +<p>So I remained at my ease in the hut for a few days. Sometimes at +night verses and small poems blossomed in my mind as though I had +become a real poet. At any rate there were signs that great changes +had taken place within me since the winter, when I had desired +nothing but to lie blinking my eyes and be left in peace.</p> + +<p>One day when everything was thawing in the sun, I left the hut +and walked about the mountains for some hours. I had lately been +thinking of writing some children's verses, addressed to a certain +little girl, but nothing had come of it. Now as I walked on the +mountainside, I felt again a desire for this pastime, and worked at +it on several occasions, but could not get it into shape. The +night, when one has slept an hour or two, is the time when such +things come to one.</p> + +<p>So I went straight on to the village and bought myself a good +store of food. There were many people in this district, and it did +me good to hear human speech and laughter again; but there was no +place here where I could stay, and in any case I had come too +early. I had much to carry on my way home to my hut again. About +halfway I met a man, a casual laborer, a vagabond, whose name was +Solem. Later I heard that he was the bastard son of a telegraph +operator who had been in Rosenlund nearly a generation before.</p> + +<p>That this man should have stepped off the path to let me pass +with my burden was a good trait in him, and I thanked him and said, +"I shouldn't have run over you in any case, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>He asked me if there was much snow on the way to the village. I +told him it was much the same as here. "I see," he said, and turned +away. I thought that perhaps he had come a long way, and since he +carried nothing that looked like provisions, I offered him some of +mine in order to make him talk a little. He thanked me and +accepted.</p> + +<p>He was above middle height, and quite young, not more than in +his twenties, possibly just on thirty--a fine fellow. After the +swaggering fashion of wanderers, he had a lock of hair escaping +from under the peak of his cap; but he wore no beard. This +full-grown man still shaved without growing tired of doing so, and +this, together with his fringe of hair and his general manner, gave +me the impression that he wished to seem younger than he was.</p> + +<p>We talked while he ate; he laughed readily and was in a cheerful +mood, and since his face was beardless and hard, it looked like a +laughing iron mask. But he was sensible and pleasant. There was +only one thing: I had been silent for so long that I talked now +perhaps too readily; and if it happened that both this boy Solem +and I spoke at once, he would stop immediately to let me have my +say. When this had happened several times, I grew tired of winning, +and stopped too. But that merely made him nod and say: "Go +ahead."</p> + +<p>I explained to him that I idled in solitude, studying strange +trees, and writing a thing or two about them, that I lived in a +hut, but that today I had finished my stock of provisions and had +had to go to the village. When he heard about the hut, he stopped +chewing, and sat as though he were listening; then he said hastily: +"Yes, in a way I know these telegraph poles across the mountains +very well. Not these particular poles, but others. I was a linesman +till not long ago."</p> + +<p>"Were you?" I said. "Haven't you passed my hut today?" I +added.</p> + +<p>He hesitated a moment, but when he saw that I was not trying to +put him in the wrong, he admitted that he had been in the hut and +rested, and found my crisp-bread there.</p> + +<p>"It wasn't easy to sit there without taking some of it," he +said.</p> + +<p>We spoke of many things. His language was hardly coarse at all, +nor did he dawdle over his food. My own manners had run wild to +such an extent that I valued his good behavior.</p> + +<p>He offered to help me carry my pack as a mark of his gratitude +for the food, and I accepted his offer. It was in this way that the +stranger returned to the hut with me. As soon as I came in I saw a +note on the table, a sort of thanks for the bread; it was an +extremely ill-mannered epistle, full of obscene expressions. When +Solem saw what I was reading, his iron face broke into a smile. I +pretended not to understand the note and threw it back on the +table; he picked it up and tore it to shreds.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry you've seen it," he said. "We linesmen have a way of +doing that sort of thing, and I'd forgotten I'd left it here."</p> + +<p>Soon after this he went out.</p> + +<p>He stayed that night and next day, and found a means of repaying +me by washing some of my clothes and making himself useful in other +ways. There was a large tub outside the hut--had been since the +Lapps lived there-- which was cracked and leaked abundantly, but +Solem stopped the cracks with bacon fat and boiled my clothes in +it. It was very funny to watch him imperturbably skimming off the +fat that floated up.</p> + +<p>He seemed to want to stay till we had finished the provisions +again, and then to go with me to the village; but when he heard I +was going the other way, to the mountain farm somewhere under the +great peaks of the Tore, where summer visitors stayed and many +travelers passed, he wanted to go there, too. He was a bird of +passage.</p> + +<p>"Can't I come with you and help you carry?" he asked me. "I'm +used to farm work, too, and perhaps I can get a job there."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">VIII</h2> + +<p>The bustle of spring season had already started at the great +farm; men and animals were awake, the barn re-echoed with lowing +the whole day long, and the goats had long since been let out to +pasture.</p> + +<p>It was a long way between neighbors here; one or two cotters had +cleared an area in the forest, which they had then bought; apart +from that, all the land in sight belonged to the farm. Many new +houses had been built here as the traffic over the fjelds +increased, and gargoyles, homelike and Norwegian, sat on the gable +ends, while the sound of a piano came from the living-room. Do you +know the place? You have been here, and the people of the farm have +asked after you.</p> + +<p>Good days, nothing but good days: a suitable transition from +solitude. I speak to the young people who own the homestead now, +and to the husband's old father and young sister Josephine. The old +man leaves his room to look at me. He is terrifyingly old, perhaps +ninety; his eyes are worn and half-crazed, and his figure has +shrunk to nothing. He toils with both hands to drag himself into +the day, and each time it is as though he left his mother's womb +anew and found a world before him:</p> + +<p>"Look, how strange, there are houses on the farm," he thinks as +he gazes at them. And when the barn doors stand open, he looks at +them, too, and thinks:</p> + +<p>"Just like a doorway; what can it be? Looks exactly like a +doorway...."</p> + +<p>And he stands still a long time staring at it.</p> + +<p>But Josephine, the daughter of his latest marriage, is young and +plays the piano for me. Ah, Josephine! As she runs through the +garden, her feet are like a breeze under her skirt. How kind she is +to the visitors! Surely she has seen us coming a long way off, +Solem and myself, and sat down to play the piano. She has gray, +pathetic, young girl's hands--hands which confirm an old +observation of mine that one's hands reveal one's sexual character, +showing chastity, indifference, or passion.</p> + +<p>It is pleasant to watch Josephine crouch down to milk the goat. +But she is only doing this now to charm and please the stranger. +Ordinarily she has no time for such work, for she is too busy at +her indoor tasks, waiting at table and watering the flowers and +chatting with me about who climbed the Tore Peak last summer, and +who did it the summer before that. These are Josephine's tasks.</p> + +<p>Refreshed and rejuvenated, I idle about, stand for a while +watching Solem, who has been put to carting manure, then drift on +down through the wood to the cotters' houses. Neat, compact houses, +barns with room for two cows and a couple of goats in each, +half-naked children playing homemade games outside the barns, +quarrels and laughter and tears. The men at both places cart manure +on sleighs, seeking a path where the snow and ice still lie on the +ground, and doing very well with it. I do not descend to the +houses, but watch the work from my point of vantage. Well do I know +the life of labor, and well do I like it.</p> + +<p>It was no small area these cotters had broken up; the homesteads +were tiny but the fences surrounding the land included a good +section of forest. When the ground was cleared all the way to the +fence, this would be a farm with five cows and a horse. Good +luck!</p> + +<p>The days pass, the windowpanes have thawed, the snow is melting +away, green things grow against south walls, and the leaves break +out in the woods. My original intention to make great irons hot +within me is unchanged; but if I ever thought this an easy task I +must be an incredible fool. I do not even know with any certainty +if there are irons in me still, or whether I can shape them if +there are. Since the winter, life has made me lonely and small; I +idle and loiter here, remembering that once things were different. +Now that I have reached daylight and men again, I begin to +understand all this. I was a different person once. The wave has +its feathered crest, and so had I; wine has its fire, and so had I. +Neurasthenia, the ape of all the diseases, pursues me.</p> + +<p>What then? No, I do not mourn this. Mourn? It is for women to +mourn. Life is only a loan, and I am grateful for the loan. At +times I have had gold and silver and copper and iron and other +small metals; it was a great delight to live in the world, much +greater than an endless life away from the world; but pleasure +cannot last. I know of no one who has not been through the same +thing; but I know of no one who will admit it. How they have +declined! But they themselves have said:</p> + +<p>"See how everything is better!"</p> + +<p>At their first jubilee, they left life behind and began a +vegetating existence; once one is fifty, the seventies begin. And +the irons were no longer red-hot; there were no irons. But by +heaven, how stubbornly Simplicity insisted the irons were there, +insisted that they were red.</p> + +<p>"See the irons!" Simplicity said. "See how red they are!"</p> + +<p>As though it mattered that death can be kept off for another +twenty years from one who has already begun to perish! I have no +use for such a way of thinking; but you have, no doubt, you with +your cheerful mediocrity and school education. A one-armed man can +still walk; a one-legged man can lie down. Has the forest taught +you nothing, then? What have I learned in the forest? <em>That +young trees grow there</em>.</p> + +<p>In my footsteps walks youth, youth that is shamelessly, +barbarously scorned, merely because it is young, scorned by +stupidity and degeneration. I have seen this for many years. I know +nothing more despicable than your school education and your +school-education standards. Whether you have a catechism or a +compass by which to guide your life is all the same; come here, my +friend, and I will give you a compass made of my latest iron.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">IX</h2> + +<p>A tourist arrived at the farm: the first tourist. And the master +of the house himself went with him across the fjeld, and as for +Solem, why, he, too, went with him so that he might know the way +for later tourists. We found the fat, short, and thin-haired +stranger standing in the yard, an elderly, well-to-do man who +walked for the sake of his health and the last twenty years of his +life. Josephine, the dear girl, made her feet a breeze beneath her +skirts, and got him into the living room, with its piano and its +earthenware bowls with beaded edges. When he was leaving, he +brought out his small change, which Josephine received in her gray, +young-girl's fingers. On the other side of the fjeld, Solem was +given two crowns for acting as guide, and that was good pay. All +went so well that the master himself was content.</p> + +<p>"Now they'll be coming," he said. "If only they would leave us +in peace," he added.</p> + +<p>By this he meant he regretted the good, carefree days that he +and his household had enjoyed till now; but in a few weeks a motor +road would be opened in the neighboring valley, and then it was a +question whether the tourist traffic might not be deflected there. +His wife and Josephine were a little afraid it would be; but he +himself had held as long as possible to the opinion that all their +regular visitors who had come again year after year would remain +faithful. No matter how many roads and motor cars they might have +in other places, they could not get the peaks of the Tore range +anywhere but here.</p> + +<p>The master of the house had felt so confident that once more he +had much timber lying by the wall of the barn, ready to be built +into new cottages, with six new guestrooms, a great hall with +reindeer horns and log chairs, and a bathroom. But what was the +matter with him today; was he beginning to doubt? "If only they +would leave us in peace," he said.</p> + +<p>A week later Mrs. Brede arrived with her children; she had a +cottage to herself, as in previous summers. So she must be rich and +fashionable, this Mrs. Brede, since she had a cottage to herself. +She was a charming lady, and her little daughters were well-grown, +handsome children. They curtsied to me, making me feel, I don't +know why, as though they were giving me flowers. A strange +feeling.</p> + +<p>Then came Miss Torsen and Mrs. Molie, who were both to stay for +the summer. They were followed by Schoolmaster Staur, who would +stay a week. Later came two schoolmistresses, the Misses Johnsen +and Palm, and still later Associate Schoolmaster Höy and several +others--tradesmen, telephone operators, a few people from Bergen, +one or two Danes. There were many of us at table now, and the talk +was lively. When Schoolmaster Staur was asked if he wanted more +soup, he replied: "No, thank you; I require no more!" and then +rolled his eyes at us to show that this was the correct thing to +say. Between meals we made up small parties, going this way and +that on the sides of the fjeld and in the woods. But of transient +guests there were few or none at all, and it was really on these +that the house would earn well--on rooms for a night, on single +meals, on cups of coffee. Josephine seemed to be worrying lately, +and her young fingers grew more greedy as they counted silver +coins.</p> + +<p>Lean brook trout, goat's-meat stew, and tinned foods. Some of +the guests were dissatisfied people who spoke of leaving; others +praised both the food and the wild mountain scenery. Schoolmistress +Torsen wanted to leave. She was tall and handsome and wore a red +hat on her dark hair; but there were no suitable young men here, +and in the long run it was a bore to waste her holidays so +completely. Tradesman Batt, who had been in both Africa and +America, was the only possibility, for even the Bergensians +amounted to nothing.</p> + +<p>"Where's Miss Torsen?" Batt would ask us.</p> + +<p>"Here I am; I'm coming," the lady answered.</p> + +<p>They did not care for walks up the fjeld, but preferred to go to +the woods together, where they talked for hours. But Tradesman Batt +did not amount to much either; he was short and freckled, and +talked of nothing but money and trade. Besides, he had only a small +shop in the town, and dealt in tobacco and fruit. No, he did not +amount to much.</p> + +<p>One day, during a long spell of rain, I sat talking with Miss +Torsen. She was an extraordinary girl, ordinarily proud and +reserved, but sometimes talkative, lively, and perhaps a little +inconsiderate, too. We sat in the living room, with people coming +and going continually, but she did not let that disturb her, and +talked in high, clear tones; in her eagerness she sometimes clasped +her hands, and then dragged them apart again. After we had been +sitting there for some time, Tradesman Batt came in, listened to +her for a moment, and then said:</p> + +<p>"I'm going out now, Miss Torsen; are you coming?"</p> + +<p>She swept him once with her eyes from head to foot; then she +turned away and went on talking, looking very proud and determined +as she did so. No doubt she had many good qualities; she was +twenty-seven, she said, and sick and tired of a teacher's life.</p> + +<p>But why had she ever entered on such a life in the first +place?</p> + +<p>"Oh, just doing what everybody else did," she replied. "The +girls next door were also going to walk the road of scholarship; to +study languages, as they called it, study grammar; it all sounded +so fine. We were going to be independent and earn a lot of money. +That's what I thought! Have a home, however small, that was quite +my own. How we slogged away all through school! Some of the girls +had money, but those of us who were poor couldn't dress like them, +and we hadn't well-kept hands like theirs. And so we came to avoid +all work at home for the sake of our hands.</p> + +<p>"And we played up to the boys at school, too. We thought them +such fine gentlemen; one of them had a riding horse, bit of a fool, +of course, but he was a millionaire's son and awfully decent, gave +us banknotes--me, anyhow--and he kissed me many times. His name was +Flaten; his father was a merchant. Of course, he being so handsome +and dashing, we wanted to be nice to him too. I should have done +anything he asked; I used to pray to God for him.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wanted to be smart and +pretty. That was how we passed the time. Washing and cooking and +mending fell to the lot of my mother and sisters; we students +wouldn't do anything but sit round being very learned and getting +seraphic hands. We were quite mad, as I don't mind admitting. It +was in the course of those years that we acquired all the distorted +ideas we've been burdened with since; we grew dull with school +wisdom, anaemic, unbalanced: sometimes terribly unhappy about our +sad lot, sometimes hysterically happy, and pluming ourselves on our +examinations and our importance. We were the pride of the +family.</p> + +<p>"And of course we were independent. We got jobs in offices, at +forty <em>kroner</em> a month. Because now there was no longer +anything in the least extraordinary about us students--we were no +rarity, there were hundreds of us--forty <em>kroner</em> was the +most they gave us. Thirty went to Father and Mother for our keep, +and ten for ourselves. It wasn't enough. We had to have pretty +clothes for the office, and we were young, we liked to walk out; +but everything was too dear for us, we went into debt, and some of +us got engaged to poor devils like ourselves. The narrow school +life during our years of development did more than hurt our +intelligence; we wanted to show spirit, too, and not recoil before +any experience, so some of us went to the bad, others married--and +with such antecedents, of course, there was first-rate +mismanagement in the home; others disappeared to America. But +probably all of them are still boasting their languages and their +examinations. It's all they have left--not happiness or health or +innocence, but their matriculation. Good God!"</p> + +<p>"But surely some of you have become schoolmistresses with good +salaries?"</p> + +<p>"Good salaries! Anyhow, first we had to start studying all over +again. As though Father and Mother and brothers and sisters hadn't +sacrificed enough for our sakes already! There was cramming again +for long periods, and then we began life in the schoolroom--to give +to others the same unnatural upbringing we had had ourselves. Oh, +yes, ours was a noble vocation; it was almost like being +missionaries. But now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to talk about +something besides this exalted position. Anything else you +please."</p> + +<p>Tradesman Batt opened the door and said:</p> + +<p>"Are you coming, Miss Torsen? It's stopped raining now."</p> + +<p>"Oh, leave me alone," she replied.</p> + +<p>Tradesman Batt withdrew.</p> + +<p>"Why do you turn him away like that?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Because ... well, the weather is bad," she said, looking out of +the window. "Besides, he's such a fool. And he takes such +liberties."</p> + +<p>How sure of herself she looked, and how right she seemed!</p> + +<p>Poor Miss Torsen! True or not, the news gradually spread that +Miss Torsen had recently lost her post at the school, where +indulgence had been exercised for a long time toward her eccentric +methods of teaching.</p> + +<p>So that was it.</p> + +<p>But certainly what she had told me was nonetheless true.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">X</h2> + +<p>The news has leaked out that the master of the homestead here +owes a huge debt, and that because he needs cash he has sold new, +valuable plots of land to his cotters. I am finding out many things +now. Mrs. Brede with the handsome, well-modeled head knows +something about everything, for her many summers at the farm have +given her knowledge. When she talks about conditions here, she need +not grope for words.</p> + +<p>The master has taken a large mortgage.</p> + +<p>No one would believe that all is not well here; the many new +buildings and flagpoles, the curtains at the windows and the +red-painted well house--all give an impression of great prosperity. +The rooms, too, make a good impression. I shall not speak of the +piano, but here are pictures on the walls and photographs of the +farm seen from all angles; good newspapers are kept and there is a +selection of novels on the tables; though guests sometimes take +books away with them, the books are never missed. Or take a thing +like this: you get your bill on a handsomely printed paper, with a +picture at the top of the farm and the Tore range in the +background. In short, no one would doubt for a moment that there is +a fortune here. And why not, after twenty years as a kind of resort +for tourists and pensioners?</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, the truth is that this homestead with all its +interior and exterior furnishings costs more than the business is +worth. Manufacturer Brede, too, has put money into it, and that is +why Mrs. Brede comes here every year with her children, to get +their dividends in board and lodging.</p> + +<p>No wonder she has a house to herself; after all, it's her own +house.</p> + +<p>"It was a good place in the old days," says Mrs. Brede. +"Travelers stopped here and had a meal and a bed for the night; it +cost nothing to run the place then. But the tourist traffic has +forced him to make improvements and enlargements. You have to keep +pace with development, and be as good as other such places in the +country; they're all competing. And probably the master here is not +the right man to carry on such an irregular and capricious +business; he has learned to like idleness too much, and lets the +farm take care of itself. But the two cotters are hard-working +fellows. They're nephews of his, and bit by bit they're buying the +farm from him and cultivating it. My husband often says it will end +with the cotters or their children buying this whole place of his, +Paul's."</p> + +<p>"How can the cotters get power to do that?"</p> + +<p>"They work hard; they're peasants. They started in the forest +with three or four goats each, first one of them, then the other +one, working down in the village and coming home with food and +money, and all the time clearing their own ground. The goats grew +more numerous, a cow was added, they bought more virgin land, and +they acquired still more livestock. They sowed grain and planted +potatoes and cultivated pasture land; the owner here buys root +vegetables from his cotters; he hasn't time to toil with such +things himself; there's a great deal of work in it. Oh, no, they +don't sow anything but green fodder for the stock here; Paul says +it's not worth-while. And in a way he's right. He's tried hiring +enough men to run the farm too, but it won't work. It's just in the +spring season that the tourists start coming, and then the men are +constantly being interrupted in their work on the farm to pilot +tourists across the fjeld, or to do this or that for the guests. +And this goes on all through the short summer months; for several +years, they haven't even found the time to spread all their manure. +But the worst time is really the autumn, when the tourists are all +rushing to get home again, and it's quite impossible to do the +harvesting undisturbed. It's almost become a custom here now, my +husband says, for the cotters to get half the harvest of the farm's +outlying fields."</p> + +<p>On my wondering at Mrs. Brede's knowledge of farming, she told +me with a shake of the head that she herself knew very little about +it, and had all her information from her husband. The fact was that +every time these cotters wanted to buy a fresh piece of land from +Paul, her husband had to give his consent. This was because of the +mortgage, and this, too, was how they had learned of these matters. +Manufacturer Brede, as a matter of fact, was most anxious to be +released from his undertaking, but this was by no means easy. It +was with great apprehensions that he now regarded the new +automobile route.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede was full of a maternal gentleness; she played with +her little girls, and seemed to enjoy an admirable balance of mind. +One day, for example, a goat came home with one of its hind legs +broken, and all the guests hurried out with brandy and lanolin and +bandages for the wound; but Mrs. Brede remained quietly where she +was, experienced, wise, and a little surprised at all the +excitement.</p> + +<p>"All you can do with such a goat," she said, "is to slaughter +it."</p> + +<p>The lady, I understood, must have married early, for her two +little girls were twelve and ten. Her husband seemed to deal in +important business, for he spent a large part of the year in +Iceland, and traveled a good deal elsewhere as well. This, too, the +lady bore quietly. And yet she was still young and handsome, a +little plump, perhaps, for her height, but with a lovely, +unwrinkled skin. She was quite unlike Miss Torsen, the only other +good-looking lady at the farm; Miss Torsen was tall and dark.</p> + +<p>But perhaps Mrs. Brede was not always so calm as she seemed. One +evening when she went down to the men's hut and asked Solem to do +her a service, I saw that her face was strange and covered with +blushes. Would Solem come to her room and repair a window-blind +that had fallen down? It was late in the evening, and the lady +seemed to have been in bed already, and to have risen again. Solem +did not appear very willing. Suddenly their eyes met, and clung for +a moment. Yes, certainly, of course he would come....</p> + +<p>What an iron face he had, and what a rogue he was!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede departed.</p> + +<p>But a moment later she returned to say that she had changed her +mind. Never mind, thank you, she would fix the blind in position +herself.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XI</h2> + +<p>An occasional tourist came or went, Solem accompanied him across +the fjeld, and he was gone. But where were all the foreigners this +year? Bennett's and Cook's conducted tours, the hordes that would +"do" the mountain peaks of Norway--where were they?</p> + +<p>At last two solitary Englishmen turned up. They were +middle-aged, unshaven and ill-groomed altogether, two engineers or +something of that sort, but quite as speechless and uncivil as the +grandest of the traveling British clowns. "Guide! Guide!" they +called. "You the guide?" Nothing about them was any different from +what we had grown to expect; these two traveled brainlessly and +solemnly to the mountain tops, were in a hurry, had a purpose, +behaved as though they were running to catch a doctor. Solem went +with them to the top and down the other side, and they offered him +a fifty-<em>öre</em> bit. Solem held out the palm of his hand, he +told me afterwards, for he thought they would put more in it, but +nothing came of that. So he created a disturbance--Solem has grown +spoiled and insolent from all his idling with tourists.</p> + +<p><em>"Mehr,</em> more," said he.</p> + +<p>No, they would not. Solem flung the coin on the ground and +struck his hands together repeatedly. This had the required effect, +and one <em>krone</em> made its appearance. But on Solem's taking +the noble lord by the shoulder and exerting a little pressure, two +<em>kroner</em> were at last forthcoming.</p> + +<p>At length a conducted party arrived. Many tongues, both sexes, +huntsmen, fishermen, dogs, mountaineers, porters. There was a +tremendous commotion at the farm; the flag was run up, Paul bent +double under all the orders he received, and Josephine ran, flew at +every call. Mrs. Brede had to give up her sitting room to three +English ladies, and the rest of us were crowded together as close +as possible. I, for my part, was to be allowed to keep my bed +because of my settled age; but I said, "By no means, let this +English solicitor or whatever he is have my bed; what does it +matter for a night!"</p> + +<p>Then I went out.</p> + +<p>If one keeps one's eyes open, one may see a great deal at such a +resort in the daytime. And one may see much at night, too. What is +the meaning of all this bleating of goats in the shed? Why are the +animals not at rest? The door is closed; none of the visiting dogs +has got in. Or--<em>have</em> some of the visiting dogs got in? +Vice, like virtue, walks in rings and circles; nothing is new, all +returns to its beginnings and repeats itself. The Romans ruled the +world, yes. They were so mighty, the Romans, so invincible, that +they could permit themselves a vice or two, they could afford to +live at the arena, they had their fun with young boys and animals. +Then one day retribution overtook them, their children's children +lost battles everywhere, and their children's children again only +sat--sat and looked backward. The ring was closed; none were less +rulers of the world than the Romans.</p> + +<p>They paid no attention to me, the two Englishmen in the goats' +shed; I was merely one of the natives, a Norwegian, who had but to +accept the ways of the mighty tourists. But they themselves +belonged to that nation of gamblers, coachmen, and vice which one +day the wholesome Gothic soul will castigate to death....</p> + +<p>The disturbance continued all night, and very early, the dogs +began to bark. The caravan awoke; it was six in the morning, and +doors began to bang in all the houses. They were in a great hurry, +these travelers; they were running to catch the doctor. They had +breakfast in two sessions, but though the household was bent double +before them and gave of its best, they were not satisfied. "If we +had only known a little earlier," said Paul. But they muttered that +we should just wait; there were motor cars in other places. Then +Paul spoke--Paul, the master of the farm, the man who lived under +the Tore peaks:</p> + +<p>"But I'm going to enlarge; don't you see all the timber outside? +And I'm planning to get a telephone...."</p> + +<p>The caravan paid the exact amount of their small bill and +departed, accompanied by the master and Solem, both carrying +trunks.</p> + +<p>Peace descended on us again.</p> + +<p>Schoolmaster Staur left now, too. He had been busy collecting +plants round the Tore peaks, and talked about his plants at table +in a very learned fashion, giving the Latin names, and pointing out +their peculiarities. Yes, indeed, he had learned a great deal at +school.</p> + +<p>"Here you see an <em>Artemis cotula</em>," he said.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen, who had also imbibed much learning, recognized the +name and said:</p> + +<p>"Yes, take plenty of it with you."</p> + +<p>"What for?"</p> + +<p>"It's insect powder."</p> + +<p>Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that, and there was a good +deal of discussion in which Associate Master Höy had to take a +hand.</p> + +<p>No, Schoolmaster Staur knew nothing of that. But he could +classify plants and learn their names by heart. He enjoyed that. +The peasant children in his neighborhood were ignorant of these +classes and names, and he could teach them. He enjoyed that so +much.</p> + +<p>But was the spirit of the soil his friend? The plant that is cut +down one year, yet grows again the next--did this miracle make him +religious and silent? The stones, and the heather, and the branches +of trees, and the grass, and the woods, and the wind, and the great +heaven of all the universe--were these his friends?</p> + +<p><em>Artemis cotula</em>....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XII</h2> + +<p>When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies.... +Sometimes I think of Mrs. Molie. She sits sewing while the +Associate Master gravely keeps her company; they talk about the +servants at home whose only desire is to stay out all night. Mrs. +Molie is a thin, flat-chested lady, but probably she has at one +time been less plain; her bluish teeth look as though they were +cold, as though they were made of ice, but perhaps a few years ago, +her full lips and the dark down at the corners of her mouth seemed +to her husband the most beautiful thing he knew. Her husband--well, +he was a seafaring man, a ship's captain; he only came home on rare +occasions, just often enough to increase the family; usually he was +in Australia, China, or Mexico. It was hail and farewell with him. +And here is his wife now for the sake of her health. I wonder--is +it only for her health, or are she and the Associate Master +possibly children of the same provincial town?</p> + +<p>When I get tired of Associate Master Höy and the ladies, I leave +them and go out. And then I stay out all day long and nobody knows +where I keep myself. It is fitting that a settled man should be +different from the Associate Master, who is very far from being so +settled. So I go out. It is a bright day with just the right amount +of warmth, and my summer woods are filled with the fragrance of +plants. I rest frequently, not because I need to, but because the +ground is full of caresses. I go so far that no one can find me; +only then am I released. No sound reaches me from farms or men, no +one is in sight; only this overgrown little goat track, which is +green at the edges and lovely. Only a bit of a goat track which +looks as though it had fallen asleep in the woods, lying there so +thin and lonely.</p> + +<p>You who read this feel nothing, but I who sit here writing feel +a kind of sweetness at the memory of a mere track in the woods. It +was like meeting a child.</p> + +<p>With my hands under my neck and my nose in the air, my eyes flit +across the sky. High up above the peaks of Tore, a clustering mist +sways in slow rhythm, breaks apart and presses close again, +fluctuates and strains to give birth to something. But when I rise +to walk on, the end is not yet in sight.</p> + +<p>I meet a line of ants, a procession of ants, busy travelers. +They neither toil nor carry anything; they simply move. I retrace +my steps to see if I can find their leader, but it is useless: +farther and farther I retreat, I begin to run, but the procession +is endless before and behind me. Perhaps they started a week ago. +So I go on my way, and the other insects go on theirs.</p> + +<p>Surely this is not a mountainside I walk on; this is a bosom, an +embrace, in its softness. I tread gently, for I do not wish to +stamp or weigh it down, and I marvel: a mountain so tender and +defenseless, indulgent like a mother. To think of an ant walking on +this! Here and there lie stones, half-covered with moss, not +because they have fallen there, but because this is their home, and +they have lived here long. This is peerless.</p> + +<p>When I reach the top and look back, it is high noon. Far away on +another peak walks one of the cows of the cotters, a strange little +cow with red and white flanks. A crow sits on a high cliff above me +and caws down at me in a voice like an iron rasp scraping against +the stone. A warm thrill runs through me, and I feel, as I have +done in the woods so many times before, that someone has just been +here, and has stepped to one side. Someone is with me here, and a +moment later I see his back disappearing into the woods. "It is +God," I think. There I stand, neither speaking nor singing. I only +see. I feel all my face being filled with the sight. "It was God," +I think.</p> + +<p>"A vision," you say. "No, a little insight into things," I +reply. "Am I making a god of nature? Do not you? Have not the +Mohammedans their god, the Jews theirs, the Hindus theirs? No one +knows God, my friend; man knows only gods. And sometimes I meet +mine."</p> + +<p>I go home by a different route, which forms a vast arc with the +one I came by. The sun is warmer now and the ground less smooth. I +reach a great ruin, the remnant of a landslide, and here, to amuse +myself, I pretend to be tired, flinging myself on the ground +exactly as though someone were watching me and saw how exhausted I +am. It is only for my amusement, because my brain has been idle so +long. The sky is clear everywhere; the clusters of mist over the +Tore peaks are gone, heaven knows where, but they have stolen away. +In their place, an eagle swings in great circles over the valley. +Huge, black, and inaccessible, he traces ring after ring as though +held on a rail in the air, moving with voluptuous languor, a +thick-necked male, a winged stallion exulting. It is like music to +watch him. At length he disappears behind the peaks.</p> + +<p>And here are only myself and the ruin and the little juniper +trees. What miracles all things are! These stones in the ruin +perhaps hold some meaning; they have lain here for thousands of +years, but perhaps they, too, roam, and make an inexpressible +journey. The glaciers move, the land rises, and the land falls; +there is no hurry here. But since my consciousness cannot associate +fact with such a conception, it grows blind with fury and revolts: +The ruin cannot move; these are mere words, a game!</p> + +<p>This ruin is a town; here and there lie scattered buildings of +stone. It's a peaceable gathering, without sensations or suicides, +and perhaps a well-shaped soul sits in each of these stones. But +heaven protect me just the same from the inhabitants of these +towns! Rolling stones cannot bark, neither do they attract thieves; +they are mere ballast. Quiet behavior: that is what I hold against +them, that they make no fiery gestures; it would become them to +roll a little, but there they lie, with even their sex unknown. But +you saw the eagle instead! Be still....</p> + +<p>A gentle wind begins to blow, swaying the bracken a little, the +flowers and the straw; but the straw cannot sway, it only +trembles.</p> + +<p>I walk on along my great arc and come down by the first cotter's +house.</p> + +<p>"Well, I expect you'll end up by building a summer resort too," +I tell him in the course of our conversation.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; we couldn't venture on anything like that," he replies +cunningly. In his heart I daresay he has no desire to, for he has +seen what it leads to.</p> + +<p>I didn't like him; his eyes were fawning and rested on the +ground. He thought of nothing but land; he was land-greedy, like an +animal that sought to escape its padlock. The other cotter had +bought a slightly larger piece of land than he, a marsh that would +feed one cow more; but he himself had only got this bit of a field. +Still, this would amount to something, too, as long as he kept his +health to work it.</p> + +<p>He gripped his spade again.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIII</h2> + +<p>Solem was being discussed at dinner; I don't know who began it, +but some of the ladies thought he was good-looking, and they nodded +and said, Yes, he was the right sort.</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by the right sort?" Associate Master Höy +asked, looking up from his plate.</p> + +<p>No one answered.</p> + +<p>Then Associate Master Höy could not help smiling broadly, and +said:</p> + +<p>"Well, well! I must have a look at this Solem some time. I've +never paid any attention to him."</p> + +<p>Associate Master Höy might look at Solem all he pleased; he +would grow no bigger for that, nor Solem smaller. The good Mr. Höy +was annoyed, and that was the truth. It is catching for a woman to +discover that a man is "the right sort"; the other women grow +curious, and stick their noses into it: "So-o-o, is he?" And a few +days later the whole flock of them are of one opinion: "Yes, +indeed, he's the right sort!"</p> + +<p>Pity the poor, left-over associate masters then!</p> + +<p>Poor Mr. Höy; there was Mrs. Molie, too, nodding her head for +Solem. To tell the truth, she had no appearance of knowing much +about the matter, but she could not lag behind the others.</p> + +<p>"So, Mrs. Molie is nodding, too!" said Mr. Höy, and smiled +again. He was intensely annoyed. Mrs. Molie turned pink and +pretty.</p> + +<p>At the next meal, Mr. Höy could contain himself no longer.</p> + +<p>"Ladies," he said, "mine eyes have now beheld Master Solem."</p> + +<p>"Well?"</p> + +<p>"Common sneak-thief!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, shame!"</p> + +<p>"You must admit he has a brazen look on his face. No beard. Blue +chin, a perfect horse-face...."</p> + +<p>"There's no harm in that," said Mrs. Molie.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie doesn't seem to have gone quite out of circulation +after all, I thought. In fact, she had lately been developing quite +a little cushion over her chest, and no longer looked so hunched +up. She had eaten well and slept well, and improved at this resort. +Mrs. Molie, I suspect, still has plenty of life left in her.</p> + +<p>This proved true a few days later. Once again: poor Associate +Master Höy! For now we had a new visitor at the farm, a gay dog of +a lawyer, and he talked more to Mrs. Molie than to anyone else. Had +there been anything between her and Mr. Höy? True, he was not much +to look at, but then neither was she.</p> + +<p>The young lawyer was a sportsman, yet he was learned in the +social sciences, too, had been in Switzerland and studied the +principle of the referendum. At first he had worked a few years in +an architect's office, he told us, but then he had changed to the +law instead, which in its turn had led him into social problems. No +doubt he was a rich and unselfish man to be able to change his +vocation and to travel in this way. "Ah, Switzerland!" he said, and +his eyes watered. None of us could understand his fervor.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it must be a wonderful country," Mrs. Molie said.</p> + +<p>The Associate Master looked ready to burst, and was quite +incapable of restraining himself.</p> + +<p>Speaking of Solem, he said suddenly, "I've changed my mind about +him lately. He's ten times better than many another."</p> + +<p>"There, you see!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he is. And he doesn't pretend to be anything more than he +is. And what he is, is of some use. I saw him slaughter the lame +goat."</p> + +<p>"Did you stop to watch that?"</p> + +<p>"I happened to be passing. It was the work of a moment for him. +And later I saw him in the woodshed. He knows his job, that fellow. +I can well understand that the ladies see something in him."</p> + +<p>How the Associate Master clowned! He finished by imploring the +wife of the captain who was sailing the China seas to be sure and +remain faithful to her Chinaman.</p> + +<p>"Do be quiet and let the lawyer tell us about Switzerland," said +Mrs. Molie.</p> + +<p>Witch! Did she want to drive her fellow-being the Associate +Master into jumping off the highest peak of the Tore tonight?</p> + +<p>But then Mrs. Brede took a hand. She understood Mr. Höy's +torment and wanted to help him. Had not this same Mr. Höy just +expressed himself kindly about Solem, and was not Solem the lad who +one fine evening had caused her to tear down her window blind? +There is cause and effect in all things.</p> + +<p>"Switzerland," said Mrs. Brede in her gentle fashion, and then +she reddened and laughed a little. "I don't know anything about +Switzerland; but once I bought some dress material that was Swiss, +and I've never in my life been so cheated."</p> + +<p>The lawyer only smiled at this.</p> + +<p>Schoolmistress Johnsen talked about what she had learned, +watchmakers and the Alps and Calvin---</p> + +<p>"Yes, those are the only three things in a thousand years," said +the Associate Master, his face quite altered and pale with +suppressed rage.</p> + +<p>"Really, really, Associate Höy!" exclaimed Schoolmistress Palm +with a smile.</p> + +<p>But the lawyer focused everyone's admiration on himself by +telling them all about Switzerland, that wonderful country, that +model for all small countries of the world. What social conditions, +what a referendum, what planning in the exploitation of the +country's natural wonders! There they had sanatoriums; there they +knew how to deal with tourists! Tremendous!</p> + +<p>"Yes, and what Swiss cheese," said the Associate Master. "It +smells like tourists' feet."</p> + +<p>Dead silence. So Associate Master Höy was prepared to go to such +lengths!</p> + +<p>"Well, what about Norwegian old-milk cheese?" said a Danish +voice mildly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's filthy stuff, too," Mr. Höy replied. "Just the +thing for Schoolmaster Staur pontificating in his armchair."</p> + +<p>Laughter.</p> + +<p>Since matters were now smoothed over again, the lawyer could +safely continue:</p> + +<p>"If we could only make such Swiss cheese here," he said, "we +should not be so poor. Generally speaking, I found after my modest +investigations in that country that they are ahead of us in every +respect. We have everything to learn from them: their frugality, +their diligence, their long working hours, the small home +industries--"</p> + +<p>"And so on," interrupted Associate Master Höy. "All trifles, +nothingness, negativity! A country that exists thanks only to the +mercy of its neighbors ought not to be a model for any other +country on earth. We must try to rise above the wretched stench of +it, which only makes us ill. The big countries and big +circumstances should be our model. Everything grows, even the small +things, unless they're predestined to a Lilliput existence. A child +can learn from another child, of course, but the model is the +adult. Some day the child will be an adult itself. A pretty state +of affairs it would be if an eternal child, a born pygmy, were to +be its model! But that's what all this rubbish about Switzerland +really amounts to. Why on earth should we, of all people, take the +smallest and meanest country as our model? Things are small enough +here anyhow. Switzerland is the serf of Europe. Have you ever heard +of a young South American country of Norway's size trying to be on +a level with Switzerland? Why do you think Sweden is taking such +great strides forward now? Not because it looks to Switzerland, or +to Norway, but to Germany! Honor to Sweden for that! But what about +us? We don't want to be a piddling little nation stuck up in our +mountains, a nation that brings forth peace conferences, +ski-runners, and an Ibsen once every thousand years; we have +potentialities for a thousand times more--"</p> + +<p>The lawyer had for some time been holding up his hand to +indicate that he wanted to reply; now he shouted at the top of his +voice:</p> + +<p>"Just a moment!"</p> + +<p>The Associate Master stopped.</p> + +<p>"Just one question--a small, trifling question," said the +lawyer, preparing his ground well. "Have you ever once set foot in +the country you speak of?"</p> + +<p>"I should think I have," replied the Associate Master.</p> + +<p>There! The lawyer got nothing for his trifling question. And +then it all came out what a heartless jilt Mrs. Molie was. She had +known all the time that Mr. Höy had been on a traveling scholarship +in Switzerland, but she had never mentioned it. What a snake in the +grass! She had even encouraged the lawyer, but no one else, to talk +about Switzerland.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, of course Associate Master Höy has been in +Switzerland" she said, as though to clinch the matter.</p> + +<p>"In that case, the Associate Master and I have looked on the +country with different eyes; that's all," said the lawyer, suddenly +anxious to end the controversy.</p> + +<p>"They haven't even folk tales there," said the Associate Master, +who seemed unable to stop. "There they sit, generation after +generation, filing watch springs and piloting Englishmen up their +mountains. But it's a country without folk music or folk tales. I +suppose you think we ought to work hard to resemble the Swiss in +that, too?"</p> + +<p>"What about William Tell?" asked Miss Johnsen.</p> + +<p>Several of the ladies nodded, or at any rate Miss Palm did.</p> + +<p>At this point Mrs. Molie turned her head and looked out of the +window as she said:</p> + +<p>"You really had a very different opinion about Switzerland +before, Mr. Associate Master."</p> + +<p>This was a hit below the belt. He wanted to reply, wanted to +annihilate her, but he restrained himself and remained silent.</p> + +<p>"Don't you remember?" she asked, goading him.</p> + +<p>"No," he replied. "You mistook my meaning. Really, I can't +understand it, I usually make myself quite clear; after all, I'm +accustomed to explaining to children."</p> + +<p>Another foul. Mrs. Molie said no more, merely smiling +patiently.</p> + +<p>"I can only say that my opinion is diametrically opposed to +yours," the lawyer repeated. "But I did think," he went on, "that +this was one thing I knew something about, however...."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie got up and went out with her head bent, seemingly on +the point of bursting into tears. The Associate Master sat still +for a moment, and then followed her, whistling and putting on as +brave a manner as though he felt quite easy in his mind.</p> + +<p>"What's your opinion?" asked Mrs. Brede, turning to the doyen of +the company, namely myself.</p> + +<p>And as becomes a man of settled years, I replied:</p> + +<p>"Probably there has been a little exaggeration on both +sides."</p> + +<p>Everybody agreed with this. But I could never have acted as a +mediator, for I thought the Associate Master was right. In one's +early seventies, one still has many pathetically young ideas.</p> + +<p>The lawyer rounded off the discussion thus:</p> + +<p>"Well, when all's said and done we have Switzerland to thank for +being able to sit here at our ease in this comfortable mountain +resort. We get tourists into the country on the Swiss model, and +earn money and pay off our debts. Ask this man if he would have +been willing to do without all we have learned from +Switzerland...."</p> + +<p>That evening Mrs. Brede asked,</p> + +<p>"Why did you make Mr. Höy look so unreasonable today, Mrs. +Molie?"</p> + +<p>"I?" said Mrs., Molie innocently. "Well, really--!"</p> + +<p>As a matter of fact, it seemed as though Mrs. Molie had really +been innocent, for the very next morning she and the Associate +Master set off up the fjeld together in a very gay mood, and +remained away till midday. If they had the matter out between them, +then no doubt the lady spoke to her much-tried friend as +follows:</p> + +<p>"Surely you can see I'm not interested in that lawyer-person! +What an idea! I only drew him out so you'd have the chance to give +him a good dressing down--don't you understand that? Really, you're +the silliest, sweetest--come here, let me kiss you...."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIV</h2> + +<p>Since the departure of the great caravan, there have been no +other visitors. Some of us cannot understand it; others have in a +manner of speaking got a whiff of what is wrong; but all of us +still believe there will be more visitors, because after all we're +the only ones that have the Tore peaks!</p> + +<p>But no one appears.</p> + +<p>The women of the house do their daily work for the inmates and +do not complain, but they are not happy. Paul still takes things +quietly; he sleeps a great deal in his room behind the kitchen, but +once or twice I have seen him walking away from the house at night, +walking in deep thought toward the woods.</p> + +<p>From the neighboring valley comes the rumor that the motor +traffic has started there now. So this is the explanation of the +quiet in our valley! Then one day a Dane came down to us from the +fjeld. He had climbed the Tore peaks from the other side, something +that had been thought impossible till now. He had simply driven in +a car to the foot of the mountains and walked across!</p> + +<p>So we no longer had the Tore peaks to ourselves, either.</p> + +<p>I wonder whether, after all, Paul is not going to try to sow +green-fodder in the long strip of land down by the river. That, at +any rate, had been his original intention, but then came the great +caravan, and he neglected it. Now, of course, the season is too far +advanced for sowing, and there will be nothing but docks and +chickweed. Could not the field be turfed, at least, and sown? Why +didn't Paul think of such things instead of walking the woods at +night?</p> + +<p>But Paul has many thoughts. At an early age, his interest in +farming was diverted to the tourist traffic, and there it has +remained. He hears that our lawyer is also an architect and asks +him to draw a plan for the big new house with the six rooms, the +hall and the bathroom. Paul has already ordered the log chairs and +the reindeer horns for the hall.</p> + +<p>"If you weren't alone up here, you might have got some of the +cars coming here too," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"I've thought of that," Paul replied. "It's not impossible I can +do something about it. But I must have the house first. And I must +have a road."</p> + +<p>The lawyer promised to draw a plan of the house, and went round +to look at the site. The house was to cost such and such a sum. +Paul was already quite convinced that three or four good tourist +summers would pay it off.</p> + +<p>Paul was not worrying. As we looked over the site together, I +discovered that he smelled of brandy.</p> + +<p>Finally a small party of Norwegians and foreigners arrived, +travelers who were out to walk, and not to drive in cars. +Everyone's spirits rose; the strangers stayed a few days and +nights, and were guided across the fjeld by Solem, who earned a +fair penny. Paul, too, was visibly cheered, and strolled about the +farm in his Sunday clothes. He had a few things to discuss with the +lawyer about the house.</p> + +<p>"If there's anything to consult about, we had better do it now," +he said. "I shall be away for a couple of days."</p> + +<p>So they attended to a few minor matters.</p> + +<p>"Are you going to town?" asked the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"No," Paul replied; "only down to the village. I want to see if +I can get the people there to co-operate on a few ideas of mine: a +telephone and automobile service and so on."</p> + +<p>"Good luck!" said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>So the lawyer sat drafting plans while the rest of us went about +our own affairs. Josephine went to Solem and said:</p> + +<p>"Will you go and sow the field by the river?"</p> + +<p>"Has Paul said so?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied.</p> + +<p>Solem went very unwillingly. While he was drawing the harrow, +Josephine went down to him and said:</p> + +<p>"Harrow it once more."</p> + +<p>What a brisk little thing she was, with far more forethought +than the men! She looked bewitching, for all her hard work. I have +seen her many times with her hair tumbled, but it didn't matter. +And when she pretended that none but the maids milked the goats and +did outside work, it was for the good name of the house. She had +learned to play the piano for the same reason. The mistress of the +house helped her nobly, for both women were thoughtful and +industrious, but Josephine was everywhere, for she was light as a +feather. And the chaste little hands she had!</p> + +<p>"Josephine, Joséfriendly!" I called her wittily.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XV</h2> + +<p>Our dark beauty, Miss Torsen, was now seriously considering +taking her departure. She was healthy enough in any case, so she +did not need a stay in the mountains on that account, and if she +was bored, why should she stay?</p> + +<p>But a minor event caused her to stay.</p> + +<p>In their lack of occupation, the ladies at the resort began to +cultivate Solem. They ate so much and grew so fat and healthy that +they felt a need to busy themselves with something, and to find +someone to make a fuss over. And here was the lad Solem. They got +into the habit of telling one another what Solem had said and what +Solem believed, and they all listened with great interest. Solem +himself had grown spoiled, and joked disrespectfully with the +ladies; he called himself a great chap, and once he had even +bragged in a most improper way, saying:</p> + +<p>"Look, here's a sinful devil for you!"</p> + +<p>"Do you know what Solem said to me?" asked Miss Palm. "He's +chopping wood and he's got a bandage on his finger, and it keeps +getting caught in the wood and bothers him, poor fellow. So he +said: 'I wish I had time to stop so I could chop this blasted +finger right off my hand!'"</p> + +<p>"Tough, isn't he?" said the other ladies. "He's quite capable of +doing it, too!"</p> + +<p>A little later I passed the woodshed and saw Mrs. Brede there, +tying a fresh bandage on Solem's finger.... Poor lady! She was +chaste, but young.</p> + +<p>The days have been oppressively warm for some time now, with the +heat coming down in waves from the mountain and robbing us of all +our strength. But in the evenings we recovered somewhat, and busied +ourselves in various ways: some of us wrote letters or played +forfeit games in the garden, while others were so far restored that +they went for a walk "to look at nature."</p> + +<p>Last Sunday evening I stood talking to Solem outside his room. +He had on his Sunday clothes, and seemed to have no intention of +going to bed.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen came by, stopped, and said:</p> + +<p>"I hear you're going for a walk with Mrs. Brede?"</p> + +<p>Solem removed his cap, which left a red ring round his +forehead.</p> + +<p>"Who, me?" he said. "Well, maybe she said something about it. +There was a path through the woods she wanted me to show her, she +said."</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen was filled with madness now; handsome and desperate, +she paced back and forth; you could almost see the sparks flying. +Her red felt hat was held on the back of her head by a pin, the +brim turned up high in front. Her throat was bare, her frock thin, +her shoes light.</p> + +<p>It was extraordinary to watch her behavior; she had opened a +window onto her secret desires. What cared she for Tradesman Batt! +Had she not toiled through her youth and gained school knowledge? +But no reality! Poor Miss Torsen. Solem must not show a path to any +other lady tonight.</p> + +<p>As nothing more was said, and Solem was preparing to depart, +Miss Torsen cleared her throat.</p> + +<p>"Come with me instead!" she said.</p> + +<p>Solem looked round quickly and said, "All right."</p> + +<p>So I left them; I whistled as I walked away with exaggerated +indifference, as though nothing on earth were any concern of +mine.</p> + +<p>"Come with me instead," she said. And he went. They were already +behind the outhouses, then behind the two great rowan trees; they +hurried lest Mrs. Brede should see them. Then they were gone.</p> + +<p>A door wide open, but where did it lead? I saw no sweetness in +her, nothing but excitement. She had learned grammar, but no +language; her soul was undernourished. A true woman would have +married; she would have been a man's wife, she would have been a +mother, she would have been a benediction to herself. Why pounce on +a pleasure merely to prevent others from having it? And she so tall +and handsome!</p> + +<p>The dog stands growling over a bone. He waits till another dog +approaches. Then suddenly he is overcome with gluttony, pounces on +the bone and crushes it between his teeth. Because the other dog is +approaching.</p> + +<p>It seemed as though this small event had to happen before my +mind was ready for the night. I awoke in the dark and felt within +me the nursery rhyme I had dawdled over so long: four rollicking +verses about the juniper tree.</p> + +<p class="poetry"> To the top of the steepest +mountains,<br> + where the little juniper stands,<br> + no other tree can follow<br> + from all the forest lands.<br> + Halfway to the hilltop<br> + the shivering pine catches hold;<br> + the birch has actually passed him,<br> + though sneezing with a cold.<br> + But a little shrub outstrips them,<br> + a sturdy fellow he,<br> + and stands quite close to the summit,<br> + though he measures barely a yard.<br> + They look like a train from the valley below<br> + with the shortest one for the guard.<br> + Or else perhaps he's a coachman now---<br> + why, it's only a juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Down dale there's summer +lightning,<br> + green leaves and St. John's feast,<br> + with songs and games of children,<br> + and a dozen dances at least.<br> + But high on the empty mountain<br> + stands a shrub in lonely glory,<br> + with only the trolls that prowl about,<br> + just like in a story.<br> + The wind with the juniper's forelock<br> + is making very free;<br> + it sweeps across the world beneath<br> + that lies there helpless and bare,<br> + but the air on the heights is fresher<br> + than you'll ever find it elsewhere.<br> + None can see so far around<br> + as such a juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> There hovers over the mountain<br> + for a moment summer's breath;<br> + at once eternal winter<br> + brings back his companion, death.<br> + Yet sturdy stands the juniper<br> + with needles ever green.<br> + I wonder how the little chap<br> + can bear a life so lean.<br> + He's hard as bone and gristle,<br> + as anyone can see;<br> + when every other tree is stripped,<br> + his berries are scarlet and sleek,<br> + and every berry's plainly marked<br> + with a cross upon its cheek.<br> + So now we know what he looks like too,<br> + this jolly juniper tree.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> At times I think he sings to +himself<br> + a cheerful little song:<br> + "I've got a bright blue heaven<br> + to look at all day long!"<br> + Sometimes to his juniper brothers<br> + he calls that they need not fear<br> + the trolls that are prowling and peering<br> + about them far and near.<br> + Gently the winter evening<br> + falls over the copse on the height,<br> + and a thousand stars and candles<br> + are lit in the plains of the sky.<br> + The juniper trees grow weary<br> + and nod their heads on the sly;<br> + before we know it they're fast asleep,<br> + so we say: "Good night, good night!"<br> +</p> + +<p>I got up and wrote out these rhymes on a sheet of paper, which I +sent to a little girl, a child with whom I had walked much in the +country, and she learned them at once. Then I read them to Mrs. +Brede's little girls, who stood still like two bluebells, +listening. Then they tore the paper out of my hand and ran to their +mother with it. They loved their mother very much. And she loved +them too; they had the most delightful fun together at bedtime.</p> + +<p>Brave Mrs. Brede with her children! She might have committed a +madness, but could not find it in her heart to do so. Yet did +anyone prize her for that? Who? Her husband?</p> + +<p>A man should take his wife to Iceland with him. Or risk the +consequences of her being left behind for endless days.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVI</h2> + +<p>Miss Torsen no longer talks about leaving. Not that she looks +very happy about staying, either; but Miss Torsen is altogether too +restless and strange to be contented with anything.</p> + +<p>Naturally she caught cold after that evening in the woods with +Solem, and stayed in bed with a headache next day; when she got up +again, she was quite all right.</p> + +<p>Was she? Why was her throat so blue under the chin, as though +someone had seized her by it?</p> + +<p>She never went near Solem any more, and behaved as though he +were nonexistent. Apparently there had been a struggle in the woods +that had made her blue under the chin, and they were friends no +longer! It was like her to want nothing real, nothing but the +sensation, nothing but the triumph. Solem had not understood that, +and had flown into a passion. Had it been thus?</p> + +<p>Yes, there was no doubt that Solem had been cheated. He was more +direct and lacked subtlety; he made allusions, and said things like +"Oh, yes, that Miss Torsen, she's a fine one; I'll bet she's as +strong as a man!"</p> + +<p>And then he laughed, but with repressed fury. He followed her +with gross eyes wherever she went, and in order to assert himself +and seem indifferent, he would sing a song of the linesman's life +whenever she was about. But he might have saved himself the +trouble. Miss Torsen was stone-deaf to his songs.</p> + +<p>And now it seemed she was going to stay at the resort out of +sheer defiance. We enjoyed her company no more than we had done +before, but she began to make herself agreeable to the lawyer, +sitting by his work table in the living room as he drew plans of +houses. Such is the perverse idleness of summer resorts.</p> + +<hr> +<p>So the days pass; they hold no further novelty for me, and I +begin to weary of them. Now and then comes a stranger who is going +across the fjeld, but things are no longer, I am told, as they were +in other years, when visitors came in droves. And things will not +improve until we, too, get roads and cars.</p> + +<p>I have not troubled to mention it before this, but the +neighboring valley is called Stordalen (Great Valley), while ours +is only called Reisa after the river: the whole of the Reisa +district is no more than an appendage. Stordalen has all the +advantages, even the name. But Paul, our host, calls the +neighboring valley Little Valley, because, says Paul, the people +there are so petty and avaricious.</p> + +<p>Poor Paul! He has returned from his tour to the village as +hopeless as he went, and hopelessly drunk besides. For more than a +day, he stayed in his room without once emerging. When he +reappeared at last, he was aloof and reserved, pretending he had +been very successful during his absence; he should manage about the +cars, never fear! In the evening, after he had had a few more +drinks, he became self-important in a different way: oh, those +fools in the village had no sense of any kind, and had refused to +give their consent to a road to his place. He was the only one with +any sense. Would not such a bit of a road be a blessing to the +whole appendage? Because then the caravans would come, scattering +money over the valley. They understood nothing, those fools!</p> + +<p>"But sooner or later there will have to be a road here," said +the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"Of course," replied Paul with finality.</p> + +<p>Then he went to his room and lay down again.</p> + +<p>On another day, a small flock of strangers came again; they had +toiled up themselves, carrying their luggage in the hot sun, and +now they wanted some help. Solem was ready at once, but he could +not possibly carry all the bags and knapsacks; Paul was lying down +in his room. I had seen Paul again during the night go out to the +woods, talking loudly and flinging his arms about as though he had +company.</p> + +<p>And here were all the strangers.</p> + +<p>Paul's wife and Josephine came out of the house and sent Solem +across to Einar, the first cotter, to ask if he would come and help +them carry. In the meantime the travelers grew impatient and kept +looking at their watches, for if they could not cross the Tore +fjeld before nightfall, they would have to spend the night +outdoors. One of them suggested to the others that perhaps this +delay was intentional. The owner of the place probably wanted them +to spend the night there; they began to grumble among themselves, +and at last they asked:</p> + +<p>"Where is the master, the host?"</p> + +<p>"He's ill," said Josephine.</p> + +<p>Solem returned and said:</p> + +<p>"Einar hasn't time to come; he's lifting his potatoes."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>Then Josephine said:</p> + +<p>"I've got to go across the fjeld anyhow--wait a minute!"</p> + +<p>She was gone for a moment, then returned, loaded the bags and +knapsacks on her little back, and trotted off. The others +followed.</p> + +<p>I caught up with Josephine and took her burden from her. But I +would not allow her to turn back, for this little tour away from +the house would do her good. We walked together and talked on the +way: she had really no complaints, she said, for she had a tidy sum +of money saved up.</p> + +<p>When we reached the top of the fjeld, Josephine wanted to turn +back. She thought it a waste of time to walk by my side, with +nothing to do but walk.</p> + +<p>"I thought you had to cross the fjeld anyhow?" I said.</p> + +<p>She was too shrewd to deny it outright, for in that case she, +the daughter of the old man at the Tore Peak farm, would have been +going with the tourists solely to carry their luggage.</p> + +<p>"Yes, but there's no hurry. I was to have visited someone, but +that can wait till the winter."</p> + +<p>We stood arguing about this, and I was so stubborn that I +threatened to throw all the luggage down the mountainside, and then +she would see!</p> + +<p>"Then I'll just take them and carry them myself," replied +Josephine, "and then <em>you'll</em> see!"</p> + +<p>By this time the others had caught up with us, and before I knew +what had happened, one of the strangers had come forward and lifted +the burden from my back, taken off his cap with a great deal of +ceremony, and told me his own and his companions' names. I must +excuse them, I really must forgive them; this was too bad, he had +been so unobserving....</p> + +<p>I told him I could easily have carried him as well as the bags. +It is not strength I lack; but day and night I carry about with me +the ape of all the diseases, who is heavy as lead. Ah, well, many +another groans under a burden of stupidity, which is little better. +We all have our cross to bear....</p> + +<p>Then Josephine and I turned homeward again.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Yes, indeed, people treat me with uncontrollable politeness; +this is because of my age. People are indulgent toward me when I am +troublesome to others, when I am eccentric, when I have a screw +loose; people forgive me because my hair is gray. You who live by +your compass will say that I am respected for the writing I have +been doing all these years. But if that were so, I should have had +respect in my young days when I deserved it, not now when I no +longer deserve it so well. No one--no one in the world-- can be +expected to write after fifty nearly so well as before, and only +the fools or the self-interested pretend to improve after that +age.</p> + +<p>Now it is a fact that I have been practicing a most distinctive +authorship, better than most; I know that very well. But this is +due, not so much to my endeavors, as to the fact that I was born +with this ability.</p> + +<p>I have made a test of this, and I know it is true. I have +thought to myself: "Suppose someone else had said this!" Well, no +doubt others have said it sometimes, but that has not hurt me. I +have gone even further than this: I have intentionally exposed +myself to direct contempt from other literary men, and this has not +hurt me either. So I am sure of my ground. On the other hand, my +way of life has lent me an inner distinction for which I have a +right to demand respect, because it is the fruit of my own +endeavors. You cannot make me out a small man without lying. Yet +one can endure even such a lie if one has character.</p> + +<p>You may quote Carlyle against me--how authors are misjudged!-- +"<em>Considering what book-writers do in the world, and what the +world does with book-writers, I should say it is the most anomalous +thing the world at present has to show</em>." You may quote many +others as well; they will assert that a great to-do is made over me +for my authorship as well as my native ability, and my struggle to +hammer this ability into a useful shape. And I say only what is the +truth, that most of the fuss is made because I have reached an age +in which my years are revered.</p> + +<p>And that is what seems to me so wrong; it is a custom which +makes it easy to hold down the gifted young in a most hostile and +arrogant fashion. Old age should not be honored for its own sake; +it does nothing but halt and delay the march of man. The primitive +races, indeed, have no respect for old age, and rid themselves +unhesitatingly of it and of its defects. A long time ago I deserved +honor much more, and valued it; now, in more than one sense, I am a +richer man and can afford to do without.</p> + +<p>Yet now I have it. If I enter a room, respectful silence falls. +"How old he's grown!" everyone present thinks. And they all remain +silent so that I may speak memorable words in that room. Amazing +nonsense!</p> + +<p>The noise should raise the roof when I enter: "Welcome, old +fellow and old companion; for pity's sake don't say anything +memorable to us--you should have done that when you were better +able to. Sit down, old chap, and keep us company. But don't let +your old age cast a shadow on us, and don't restrain us; you have +had your day--now it's our turn...."</p> + +<p>This is honest speech.</p> + +<p>In peasant homes they still have the right instinct: the mothers +preserve their daughters, the fathers their sons, from the rough, +unpleasant labors. A proper mother lets her daughter sew while she +herself works among the cattle. And the daughter will do the same +with her own daughter. It is her instinct.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVII</h2> + +<p>Dear me, these human beings grow duller every day, and I see +nothing in them that I have not known before. So I sink to the +level of watching Solem's increasing passion for Miss Torsen. But +that too is familiar and dull.</p> + +<p>Solem, after all the attention the ladies have paid him, has a +delusion of greatness; he buys clothes and gilt watch chains for +the money he earns, and on Sundays wears a white woolen pullover, +though it is very warm; round his neck and over his chest lies a +costly silk tie tied in a sailor's knot. No one else is so smart as +he, as he well knows; he sings as he crosses the farmyard, and +considers no one too good for him now. Josephine objects to his +loud singing, but Solem lad has grown so indispensable at the +resort that he no longer obeys all orders. He has his own will in +many things, and sometimes Paul himself takes a glass in his +company.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen appears to have settled down. She is very busy with +the lawyer, and makes him explain each and every angle he draws in +his plans. Quite right of her, too, for undeniably the lawyer is +the right man for her, a wit and a sportsman, well-to-do, rather +simple-minded, strong-necked. At first Mrs. Molie seemed unable to +reconcile herself to the constant companionship of these two in the +living room, and she frequently had some errand that took her +there; what was she after, Mrs. Molie, of the ice-blue teeth?</p> + +<p>At last the lawyer finished his plans and was able to deliver +them. He began to speak again about a certain peak of the Tore +range which no one had yet climbed, and was therefore waiting to be +conquered by him. Miss Torsen objected to this plan, and as she +grew to know him better, begged him most earnestly not to undertake +such a mad climb. So he promised with a smile to obey her wishes. +They were in such tender agreement, these two!</p> + +<p>But the blue peak still haunted the lawyer's mind; he pointed it +out to his lady, and smacked his lips, his eyes watering again.</p> + +<p>"Gracious, it makes me dizzy just to look at it!" she said.</p> + +<p>So the lawyer put his arm round her to steady her.</p> + +<p>The sight was painful to Solem, whose eyes were continually on +the pair. One day as we left the luncheon table, he approached Miss +Torsen and said:</p> + +<p>"I know another path; would you like to see it tonight?"</p> + +<p>The lady was confused and a little embarrassed, and said at +length:</p> + +<p>"A path? No, thank you."</p> + +<p>She turned to the lawyer, and as they walked away together, she +said:</p> + +<p>"I never heard of such brazenness!"</p> + +<p>"What got into him?" said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>Solem went away, his teeth gleaming in a sneer.</p> + +<p>That evening, Solem repeated the performance. He went up to Miss +Torsen again and said:</p> + +<p>"What about that path? Shall we go now?"</p> + +<p>As soon as she saw him coming, she turned quickly and tried to +elude him. But Solem did not hesitate to follow her.</p> + +<p>"Now I've just got one thing to say," she said, stopping. "If +you're insolent to me again, I'll see that you're driven off the +farm...."</p> + +<p>But it was not easy to drive Solem off the farm. After all, he +was guide and porter to the tourists, and the only permanent +laborer on the farm as well. And soon the hay would have to be +brought in, and casual laborers would be engaged to work under him. +No, Solem could not be driven off. Besides, the other ladies were +on his side; the mighty Mrs. Brede alone could save him by a word. +She held the Tore Peak resort in the palm of her hand.</p> + +<p>Solem was not discharged; but he held himself in check and +became a little more civil. He seemed to suffer as much as ever. +Once at midday, as he was standing in the woodshed, I saw him make +a scratch with the ax across the nail of his thumb.</p> + +<p>"What on earth are you doing?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'm just marking myself," he replied, laughing gloomily. +"When this scratch grows out--"</p> + +<p>He stopped.</p> + +<p>"What then?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'll be away from here then," he said.</p> + +<p>But I had the impression that he meant to say something +different, so I probed further.</p> + +<p>"Let me look. Well, it's not a deep scratch; you won't be here +long then, will you?"</p> + +<p>"Nails grow slowly," he muttered.</p> + +<p>Then he strolled away whistling, and I set about chopping +wood.</p> + +<p>A little later Solem returned across the farmyard with a +cackling hen under his arm. He went to the kitchen window and +called:</p> + +<p>"This the kind of hen you want me to kill?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," was the reply.</p> + +<p>Solem came back to the woodshed and asked me for the ax, as he +wanted to behead a few hens. It was easy to see that he did +everything on the farm; he was, hand and brain, indispensable.</p> + +<p>He laid the hen on a block and took aim, but it was not easy, +for she twisted her head like a snake and would not lie still. She +had stopped cackling now.</p> + +<p>"I can feel her heart jumping inside her," said Solem.</p> + +<p>Suddenly he saw his chance and struck. There lay the head; Solem +still held the body, which jerked under his hand. The thing was +done so quickly that the two sections of the bird were still one in +my eyes; I could not grasp a separation so sudden and unbelievable, +and it took my sight a second or two to overtake the event. +Bewilderment was in the expression of this detached head, which +looked as though it could not believe what had happened, and raised +itself a little as if to show there was nothing the least bit +wrong. Solem let the body go. It lay still for a moment, then +kicked its legs, leaped to the ground and began to hop, the +headless body reeling on one wing till it struck the wall and +spattered blood in wide arcs before it fell at last.</p> + +<p>"I let her go too soon after all," said Solem.</p> + +<p>Then he went off to fetch another hen.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XVIII</h2> + +<p>I return to the mad idea of Solem's being discharged. This +would, to be sure, have averted a certain disaster here at the +farm: but who would fetch and carry then? Paul? But I've told you +he just lounges all day in his room, and has been doing so lately +more than ever; the guests never see him except through an +unsuccessful maneuver on his part.</p> + +<p>One evening he came walking across the lawn. He must, in his +disregard of time, have thought the guests had already retired, but +we all sat outside in the mild darkness. When Paul saw us, he drew +himself up and saluted as he passed; then, calling Solem to him, he +said:</p> + +<p>"You mustn't cross the field again without letting me know. I +was right there in my room, writing. The idea of Josephine carrying +luggage!"</p> + +<p>Paul strode on. But even yet he felt he had not appeared +important enough, so he turned round and asked:</p> + +<p>"Why didn't you take one of my cotters with you to act as +porter?"</p> + +<p>"They wouldn't go," Solem replied. "They were busy lifting +potatoes."</p> + +<p>"Wouldn't go?"</p> + +<p>"That's what Einar said."</p> + +<p>Paul thought this over.</p> + +<p>"What insolence! They'd better not go too far or I'll drive them +off the place."</p> + +<p>Then the law awoke in the lawyer's bosom, and he asked:</p> + +<p>"Haven't they bought their land?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Paul. "But I'm the master of this farm. I have a say +in things too. I'm not without power up here in Reisa, believe +me...."</p> + +<p>Then he said sternly to Solem:</p> + +<p>"You come to me next time."</p> + +<p>Whereupon he stalked off to the woods again.</p> + +<p>"He's a bit tight again, our good Paul," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>Nobody replied.</p> + +<p>"Can you imagine an innkeeper in Switzerland behaving like +that?" the lawyer remarked.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Brede said gently:</p> + +<p>"What a pity! He never drank before."</p> + +<p>And at once the lawyer was charitable again:</p> + +<p>"I'll have a good talk with him," he said.</p> + +<hr> +<p>There followed a period in which Paul was sober from morning +till night, when Manufacturer Brede paid us a visit. The flag was +hoisted, and there was great commotion at the farm; Josephine's +feet said <em>whrr</em> under her skirt. The manufacturer arrived +with a porter; his wife and children went far down the road to meet +him, and the visitors at the resort sallied forth too.</p> + +<p>"Good morning!" he greeted us with a great flourish of his hat. +He won us all over. He was big and friendly, fat and cheerful, with +the broad good cheer that plenty of money gives. He became good +friends with us at once.</p> + +<p>"How long are you staying, Daddy?" his little girls asked, as +they clung to him.</p> + +<p>"Three days."</p> + +<p>"Is that all!" said his wife.</p> + +<p>"Is that all?" he replied, laughing. "That's not such a short +time, my dear; three days is a lot for me."</p> + +<p>"But not for me and the children," she said.</p> + +<p>"Three whole days," he repeated. "I can tell you I've had to do +some moving to be able to stay as quiet as this, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>They all went in. The manufacturer had been here before and knew +the way to his wife's cottage. He ordered soda water at once.</p> + +<p>In the evening, when the children had gone to bed, the +manufacturer and his wife joined us in the living room; he had +brought whisky with him for the gentlemen, and ordered soda water; +for the ladies he had wine. It was quite a little party, the +manufacturer playing the host with skill, and we were all well +satisfied. When Miss Palm played folk melodies on the piano, this +heavy-built man grew quiet and sentimental; but he didn't think +only of himself, for suddenly he went out and lowered the flag. +Flags should be lowered at sunset, he said. Once or twice he went +across to the cottage, too, to see if the children were sleeping +well. Generally speaking, he seemed fond of the children. Though he +owned factories and hotels and many other things, yet he seemed to +take the greatest pride of all in possessing a couple of +children.</p> + +<p>One of the men from Bergen struck his glass for silence, and +began to make a speech.</p> + +<p>The Bergensians had all long been very quiet and retiring, but +here was a perfect occasion for making speeches. Was not here a man +from the great world outside, from the heart of life, who had +brought them wine and good cheer and festivity? Strange wares up +here in this world of blue mountains ... and so on.</p> + +<p>He talked for about five minutes, and became very animated.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer told us a little about Iceland--a neutral +country that neither the Associate Master nor the lawyer had +visited, and therefore could not disagree about. One of the Danes +had been there and was able to confirm the justness of the +manufacturer's impressions.</p> + +<p>But most of the time he told cheerful anecdotes:</p> + +<p>"I have a servant, a young lad, who said to me one day, when I +was in a bad temper: 'You've become a great hand at swearing in +Icelandic!' Ha, ha, ha--he appreciated me: 'a great hand at +swearing in Icelandic,' he said!"</p> + +<p>Everybody laughed, and his wife asked:</p> + +<p>"And what did you say?"</p> + +<p>"What did I say? Why, I couldn't say anything, could I, ha, ha, +ha!"</p> + +<p>Then another man from Bergen took the floor: we must not forget +we had the family of a real man of the world with us here--his +wife, "this peerless lady, scattering charm and delight about her," +and the children, dancing butterflies! And a few minutes later, +"Hip, hip, hurrah!" followed by a flourish on the piano.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer drank a toast with his wife.</p> + +<p>"Well, that's that!" was all he said.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Molie sat off in a corner talking in a loud voice with the +Dane who had come over the top of the Tore from the wrong end; she +seemed purposely to be talking so audibly. The manufacturer's +attention was attracted, and he asked for further information about +the motor cars in the neighboring valley: how many there were, and +how fast they could go. The Dane told him.</p> + +<p>"But just imagine coming across the fjeld from the other side!" +said Mrs. Molie. "It hasn't been done before."</p> + +<p>In response to the manufacturer's questions, the Dane told him +about this adventurous journey also.</p> + +<p>"Isn't there a blue peak somewhere in the mountains about here?" +said Mrs. Molie. "I suppose you'll be going up that next. Where +ever will you stop?"</p> + +<p>Yes, the Dane felt quite tempted by this peak, but said he +believed it was unconquerable.</p> + +<p>"I should have climbed that peak long ago if you, Miss Torsen, +hadn't forbidden me," said the lawyer.</p> + +<p>"You'd never have made it," said Mrs. Molie in an indifferent +tone. This was probably her revenge. She turned to the Dane again +as though ready to believe him capable of anything.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't want anyone to think of climbing that peak," said +Miss Torsen. "It's as bare as a ship's mast."</p> + +<p>"What if I tried it, Gerda?" the manufacturer asked his wife +with a smile. "After all, I'm an old sailor."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," she said, smiling a little.</p> + +<p>"Well, I climbed the mast of a schooner last spring."</p> + +<p>"Where?"</p> + +<p>"In Iceland."</p> + +<p>"What for?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, though--all this mountain climbing--I haven't +much use for it," said the manufacturer.</p> + +<p>"What did you do it for? What did you climb the mast for?" his +wife repeated nervously.</p> + +<p>The manufacturer laughed.</p> + +<p>"The curiosity of the female sex--!"</p> + +<p>"How can you do a thing like that! And what about me and the +children if you--"</p> + +<p>She broke off. Her husband grew serious and took her hand.</p> + +<p>"It was stormy, my dear; the sails were flapping, and it was a +question of life and death. But I shouldn't have told you. +Well--we'd better say good night now, Gerda."</p> + +<p>The manufacturer and his wife got up.</p> + +<p>Then the first man from Bergen made another speech.</p> + +<hr> +<p>The manufacturer stayed with us for the promised three days, and +then made ready to travel again. His mood never changed; he was +contented and entertaining the whole time. Every evening one whisky +and soda was brought him--no more. Before their bedtime, his little +girls had a wildly hilarious half-hour with him. At night a +tremendous snoring could be heard from his cottage. Before his +arrival, the little girls had spent a good deal of time with me, +but now they no longer knew I existed, so taken up with their +father were they. He hung a swing for them between the two rowan +trees in the field, taking care to pack plenty of rag under the +rope so as not to injure the tree.</p> + +<p>He also had a talk with Paul; there were rumors that he was +intending to take his money out of the Tore Peak resort. Paul's +head was bent now, but he seemed even more hurt that the +manufacturer should have paid a visit to the cotters to see how +they were getting on.</p> + +<p>"So that's where he's gone?" he said. "Well, let him stay there, +for all I care!"</p> + +<p>The manufacturer cracked jokes to the very end. Of course he was +a little depressed by the farewells, too, but he had to keep his +family's courage up. His wife stood holding one of his arms with +both hands, and the children clung to his other arm.</p> + +<p>"I can't salute you," the manufacturer said to us, smiling. "I'm +not allowed to say good-bye."</p> + +<p>The children rejoiced at this and cried, "No, he can't have his +arm back; Mummy, you hold him tight, too!"</p> + +<p>"Come, come!" the father said. "I've got to go to Scotland, just +a short trip. And when you come home from the mountains, I'll be +there, too."</p> + +<p>"Scotland? What are you going to Scotland for?" the children +asked.</p> + +<p>He twisted round and nodded to us.</p> + +<p>"These women! All curiosity!" he said.</p> + +<p>But none of his family laughed.</p> + +<p>He continued to us:</p> + +<p>"I was telling my wife a story about a rich man who was curious, +too. He shot himself just to find out what comes after death. Ha, +ha, ha! That's the height of curiosity, isn't it? Shooting yourself +to find out what comes after death!"</p> + +<p>But he could not make his family laugh at this tale, either. His +wife stood still; her face was beautiful.</p> + +<p>"So you're leaving now," was all she said.</p> + +<p>Mr. Brede's porter came out with his luggage; he had stayed at +the farm for these three days in order to be at hand.</p> + +<p>Then the manufacturer walked down through the field, accompanied +by his wife and children.</p> + +<p>I don't know--this man with his good humor and kindliness and +money and everything, fond of his children, all in all to his +wife--</p> + +<p>Was he really everything to his wife?</p> + +<p>The first evening he wasted time on a party, and every night he +wasted time in snoring. And so the three days and nights went +by....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XIX</h2> + +<p>It is very pleasant here at harvest time. Scythes are being +sharpened in the field, men and women are at work; they go thinly +clad and bareheaded, and call to one another and laugh; sometimes +they drink from a bucket of whey, then set to work again. There is +the familiar fragrance of hay, which penetrates my senses like a +song of home, drawing me home, home, though I am not abroad. But +perhaps I am abroad after all, far away from the soil where I have +my roots.</p> + +<p>Why, indeed, do I stay here any longer, at a resort full of +schoolmistresses, with a host who has once more said farewell to +sobriety? Nothing is happening to me; I do not grow here. The +others go out and lie on their backs; I steal off and find relish +in myself, and feel poetry within me for the night. The world wants +no, poetry; it wants only verses that have not been sung +before.</p> + +<p>And Norway wants no red-hot irons; only village smiths forge +irons now, for the needs of the mob and the honor of the +country.</p> + +<p>No one came; the stream of tourists went up and down Stordalen +and left our little Reisa valley deserted. If only the Northern +Railway could have come to Reisa with Cook's and Bennett's +tours--then Stordalen in its turn would have lain deserted. +Meanwhile, the cotters who are cultivating the soil will probably +go on harvesting half the crop of the outlying fields for the rest +of time. There is every reason to think so--unless our descendants +are more intelligent than we, and refuse to be smitten with the +demoralizing effects of the tourist traffic.</p> + +<p>Now, my friend, you mustn't believe me; this is the point where +you must shake your head. There is a professor scuttling about the +country, a born mediocrity with a little school knowledge about +history; you had better ask him. He'll give you just as much +mediocre information, my friend, as your vision can grasp and your +brain endure.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Hardly had Manufacturer Brede left when Paul began to live a +most irregular life again. More and more all roads were closed to +him; he saw no way out and therefore preferred to make himself +blind, which gave him an excuse for not seeing. Seven of our +permanent guests now left together: the telephone operators, +Tradesman Batt, Schoolmistresses Johnsen and Palm, and two men who +were in some sort of business, I don't quite know what. This whole +party went across the fjeld to Stordalen to be driven about in +cars.</p> + +<p>Cases of various kinds of foodstuffs arrived for Paul; they were +carried up one evening by a man from the village. He had to make +several journeys with the side of his cart let down, and bring the +cases over the roughest spots one by one. That was the kind of road +it was. Josephine received the consignment, and noticed that one of +the cases gave forth the sound of a liquid splashing inside. That +had come to the wrong place, she said, and writing another address +on it, she told the man to take it back. It was sirup that had come +too late, she said; she had got sirup elsewhere in the +meantime.</p> + +<p>Later in the evening we heard them discussing it in the kitchen; +the sirup had not come too late, Paul said angrily.</p> + +<p>"And I've told you to clear these newspapers away!" he cried. We +heard the sound of paper and glass being swept to the floor.</p> + +<p>Well, things were not too easy for Paul; the days went by dull +and empty, nor had he any children to give him pleasant thoughts at +times. Though he wanted to build still more houses, he could not +use half those he had already. There was Mrs. Brede living alone +with her children in one of them, and since seven of the guests had +left, Miss Torsen was also alone in the south wing. Paul wanted at +all costs to build roads and share in the development of the +tourist traffic; he even wanted to run a fleet of motor cars. But +since he had not the power to do this alone and could get no +assistance, nothing was left him but to resign himself. And now to +make matters worse Manufacturer Brede had said he would withdraw +his money....</p> + +<p>Paul's careworn face looked out of the kitchen door. Before +going out himself he wanted to make sure there was no one about, +but he was disappointed in this, for the lawyer at once greeted him +loudly: "Good evening, Paul!" and drew him outside.</p> + +<p>They strolled down the field in the dusk.</p> + +<p>Assuredly there is little to be gained by "having a good talk" +with a man about his drinking; such matters are too vital to be +settled by talking. But Paul seems to have admitted that the lawyer +was right in all he said, and probably left him with good +resolutions.</p> + +<p>Paul went down to the village again. He was going to the post +office; the money he had from the seven departed guests would be +scattered to all quarters of the globe. And yet it was not enough +to cover everything--in fact not enough for anything, for interest, +repayments, taxes, and repairs. It paid only for a few cases of +food from the city. And of course he stopped the case of sirup from +going back.</p> + +<p>Paul returned blind-drunk because he no longer wished to see. It +was the same thing all over again. But his brain seemed in its own +way to go on searching for a solution, and one day he asked the +lawyer:</p> + +<p>"What do you call those square glass jars for keeping small fish +in-- goldfish?"</p> + +<p>"Do you mean an aquarium?"</p> + +<p>"That's it," said Paul. "Are they dear?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Why?"</p> + +<p>"I wonder if I could get one."</p> + +<p>"What do you want it for?"</p> + +<p>"Don't you think it might attract people to the place? Oh, well, +perhaps it wouldn't."</p> + +<p>And Paul withdrew.</p> + +<p>Madder than ever. Some people see flies. Paul saw goldfish.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XX</h2> + +<p>The lawyer is constantly in Miss Torsen's company; he even +swings her in the children's swing, and puts his arm around her to +steady her when the swing stops. Solem watches all this from the +field where he is working, and begins to sing a ribald song. +Certainly these two have so ill-used him that if he is going to +sing improper songs in self-defense, this is the time to do it; no +one will gainsay that. So he sang his song very loud, and then +began to yodel.</p> + +<p>But Miss Torsen went on swinging, and the lawyer went on putting +his arm round her and stopping her....</p> + +<p>It was a Saturday evening. I stood talking to the lawyer in the +garden; he didn't like the place, and wanted to leave, but Miss +Torsen would not go with him, and going alone was such a bore. He +did not conceal that the young woman meant something to him.</p> + +<p>Solem approached, and lifted his cap in greeting. Then he looked +round quickly and began to talk to the lawyer--politely, as became +his position of a servant:</p> + +<p>"The Danish gentleman is going to climb the peak tomorrow. I'm +to take a rope and go with him."</p> + +<p>The lawyer was startled.</p> + +<p>"Is he--?"</p> + +<p>The blankness of the lawyer's face was a remarkable sight. His +small, athletic brain failed him. A moment passed in silence.</p> + +<p>"Yes, early tomorrow morning," said Solem. "I thought I'd tell +you. Because after all it was your idea first."</p> + +<p>"Yes, so it was," said the lawyer. "You're quite right. But now +he'll be ahead of me."</p> + +<p>Solem knew how to get round that.</p> + +<p>"No, I didn't promise to go," he said. "I told him I had to go +to the village tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"But we can't deceive him. I don't want to do that."</p> + +<p>"Pity," said Solem. "Everybody says the first one to climb the +Blue Peak will be in all the papers."</p> + +<p>"He'll take offense," the lawyer murmured, considering the +matter.</p> + +<p>But Solem urged him on:</p> + +<p>"I don't think so. Anyhow, you were the first one to talk about +it."</p> + +<p>"Everybody here will know, and I'll be prevented," said the +lawyer.</p> + +<p>"We can go at dawn," said Solem.</p> + +<p>In the end they came to an agreement.</p> + +<p>"You won't tell anyone?" the lawyer said to me.</p> + +<hr> +<p>The lawyer was missed in the course of the morning; he was not +in his room, and not in the garden.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps the Danish mountaineer can tell us where he is," I +said. But it transpired that the Dane had not even thought of +climbing the Blue Peak that day, and knew nothing whatever about +the expedition.</p> + +<p>This surprised me greatly.</p> + +<p>I looked at the clock; it was eleven. I had been watching the +peak through my field glasses from the moment I got up, but there +was nothing to be seen. It was five hours since the two men had +left.</p> + +<p>At half-past eleven Solem came running back; he was drenched in +sweat and exhausted.</p> + +<p>"Come and help us!" he called excitedly to the group of +guests.</p> + +<p>"What's happened?" somebody asked.</p> + +<p>"He fell off."</p> + +<p>How tired Solem was and drenched to the skin! But what could we +do? Rush up the mountainside and look at the accident too?</p> + +<p>"Can't he walk?" somebody asked.</p> + +<p>"No, he's dead," said Solem, looking from one to another of us +as though to read in our faces whether his message seemed credible. +"He fell off; he didn't want me to help him."</p> + +<p>A few more questions and answers. Josephine was already halfway +across the field; she was going to the village to telephone for the +doctor.</p> + +<p>"We shall have to get him down," said the Danish +mountaineer.</p> + +<p>So he and I improvised a stretcher; Solem was instructed to take +brandy and bandages to the site of the accident, and the +Bergensians, the Associate Master, Miss Torsen, and Mrs. Molie went +with him.</p> + +<p>"Did you really say nothing to Solem about climbing the peak +today?" I asked the Dane.</p> + +<p>"No," he replied. "I never said a word about it. If I had meant +to go, I should certainly not have wanted company...."</p> + +<p>Later that afternoon we returned with the lawyer on the +stretcher. Solem kept explaining all the way home how the accident +had happened, what he had said and what the lawyer had said, +pointing to objects on the way as though this stone represented the +lawyer and that the abyss into which he had plunged.... Solem still +carried the rope he had not had a chance to use. Miss Torsen asked +no more than anyone else, and made purely conventional comments: "I +advised him against it, I begged him not to go...."</p> + +<p>But however much we talked, we could not bring the lawyer back +to life. Strange--his watch was still going, but he himself was +dead. The doctor could do nothing here, and returned to his +village.</p> + +<p>There followed a depressing evening. Solem went to the village +to send a telegram to the lawyer's family, and the rest of us did +what we thought decent under the circumstances: we all sat in the +living room with books in our hands. Now and again, some reference +would be made to the accident: it was a reminder, we said, how +small we mortals were! And the Associate Master, who had not the +soul of a tourist, greatly feared that this disaster would injure +the resort and make things still more difficult for Paul; people +would shun a place where they were likely to fall off and be +killed.</p> + +<p>No, the Associate Master was no tourist, and did not understand +the Anglo-Saxon mind.</p> + +<p>Paul himself seemed to sense that the accident might benefit him +rather than do him harm. He brought out a bottle of brandy to +console us on this mournful evening.</p> + +<p>And since it was a death to which we owed this attention, one of +the men from Bergen made a speech.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXI</h2> + +<p>The accident became widely known. Newspapermen came from the +city, and Solem had to pilot them up the mountain and show them the +spot where it had taken place. If the body had not been removed at +once, they would have written about that, too.</p> + +<p>Children and ignoramuses might be inclined to think it foolish +that Solem should be taken from the work in the fields at harvest +time, but must not the business of the tourist resort go before all +else?</p> + +<p>"Solem, tourists!" someone called to him. And Solem left his +work. A flock of reporters surrounded him, asked him questions, +made him take them to the mountains, to the river. A phrase was +coined at the farm for Solem's absences:</p> + +<p>"Solem's with death."</p> + +<p>But Solem was by no means with death; on the contrary, he was in +the very midst of life, enjoying himself, thriving. Once again he +was an important personage, listened to by strangers, doling out +information. Nor did his audience now consist of ladies +only--indeed, no; this was something new, a change; these were +keen, alert gentlemen from the city.</p> + +<p>To me, Solem said:</p> + +<p>"Funny the accident should have happened just when the scratch +on my nail has grown out, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>He showed me his thumbnail; there was no mark on it.</p> + +<p>The newspaper reporters wrote articles and sent telegrams, not +only about the Blue Peak and the dreadful death, but about the +locality, and about the Tore Peak resort, that haven for the weary, +with its wonderful buildings set like jewels in the mountains. What +a surprise to come here: gargoyles, living room, piano, all the +latest books, timber outside ready for new jewels in their setting, +altogether a magnificent picture of Norway's modern farming.</p> + +<p>Yes, indeed, the newspapermen appreciated it. And they did their +advertising.</p> + +<p>The English arrived.</p> + +<p>"Where is Solem?" they asked, and "Where is the Blue Peak?" they +asked.</p> + +<p>"We ought to get the hay in," said Josephine and the wife at the +farm. "There'll be rain, and fifty cartloads are still out!"</p> + +<p>That was all very well, but "Where is Solem?" asked the English. +So Solem had to go with them. The two casual laborers began to cart +away the hay, but then the women had no one to help them rake. +Confusion was rife. Everyone rushed wildly hither and thither +because there was no one to lead them.</p> + +<p>The weather stayed fine overnight; it was patient, slow-moving +weather. As soon as the dew dried up, more hay would be brought in, +perhaps all the hay. Oh, we should manage all right.</p> + +<p>More English appeared; and "Solem--the Blue Peak?" they said. +Their perverse, sportsmen's brains tingled and thrilled; they had +successfully eluded all the resorts on the way, and arrived here +without being caught. There was the Blue Peak, like a mast against +the sky! They hurried up so fast that Solem was hardly able to keep +pace with them. They would have felt for ever disgraced if they had +neglected to stand on this admirable site of a disaster, this most +excellent abyss. Some said it would be a lifelong source of regret +to them if they did not climb the Blue Peak forthwith; others had +no desire but to gloat over the lawyer's death fall, and to shout +down the abyss, gaping at the echo, and advancing so far out on the +ledge that they stood with their toes on death.</p> + +<p>But it's an ill wind that blows good to none, and the resort +earned a great deal of money. Paul began to revive again, and the +furrows in his face were smoothed out. A man of worth grows strong +and active with good fortune; in adversity he is defiant. One who +is not defiant in adversity is worth nothing; let him be destroyed! +Paul stopped drinking; he even began to take an interest in the +harvesting, and worked in the field in Solem's place. If only he +had begun when the weather was still slow and patient!</p> + +<p>But at least Paul began to tackle things in the right spirit +again; he only regretted that he had set aside for the cotters +those outlying fields from which they were used to getting half the +hay; this year he would have liked to keep it himself. But he had +given his word, and there was nothing to be done about it.</p> + +<p>Besides, it was raining now. Haymaking had to stop; they could +not even stack what had already been gathered. Outside, three +cartloads of fodder were going to waste.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Before long the novelty of the Tore Peak resort wore off again. +The newspapermen wrote and sent telegrams about other gratifying +misfortunes, the death on the Blue Peak having lost its news value. +It had been an intoxication; now came the morning after.</p> + +<p>The Danish mountaineer quite simply deserted. He strapped on his +knapsack and walked across the field like one of the villagers, +caring no more for the Blue Peak. The commotion he had witnessed in +the last week had taught him a lesson.</p> + +<p>And the tourists swarmed on to other places.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"What harm have I done them," Paul probably<br> + thought, "that they should be going again? Have I been<br> + too much in the fields and too little with them? But I<br> + greeted them humbly and took my man out of the<br> + harvesting work to help them...."<br> +</p> + +<p>Then two young men arrived, sprouts off the Norwegian tree, +sportsmen to their finger tips, who talked of nothing but sailing, +cycling, and football; they were going to be civil engineers--the +young Norway. They, too, wanted to see the Blue Peak to the best of +their ability; after all, one must keep pace with modern life. But +they were so young that when they looked up at the peak, they were +afraid. Solem had learned more than one trick in tourist company; +craftily he led them on, and then extorted money from them in +return for a promise not to expose their foolishness. So all was +well; the young sprouts came down the mountain again, bragging and +showing off their sportsmanship. One of them brought down a +bloodstained rag which he flung on the ground, saying,</p> + +<p>"There's what's left of your lawyer that fell off."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the other sprout.</p> + +<p>Yes, truly, they had acquired dashing ways among their sporting +acquaintances.</p> + +<p>It rained for three weeks; then came two fine days, and then +rain again for a fortnight. The sun was not to be seen, the sky was +invisible, the mountain tops had disappeared; we saw nothing but +rain. The roofs at the Tore Peak resort began to leak more and +more.</p> + +<p>The hay that still lay spread on the ground was black and +rotting, and the stacks had gone moldy.</p> + +<p>The cotters had got their hay indoors during the patient spell. +They had carried it, man, woman, and child, on their backs.</p> + +<p>The men from Bergen and Mrs. Brede with her children have left +for home. The little girls curtsied and thanked me for taking them +walking in the hills and telling them stories. The house is empty +now. Associate Master Höy and Mrs. Molie were the last to go; they +left last week, traveling separately, though both were going to the +same small town.</p> + +<p>He went by way of the village--a very roundabout route--while +she crossed the field. It is very quiet now, but Miss Torsen is +still here.</p> + +<p>Why do I not leave? Don't know. Why ask? I'm here. Have you ever +heard anyone ask: "How much is a northern light?" Hold your +tongue.</p> + +<p>Where should I go if I did leave? Do you imagine I want to go to +the town again? Or do you think I'm longing for my old hut and the +winter, and Madame? I'm not longing for any specific place; I am +simply longing.</p> + +<p>Of course I ought to be old enough to understand what all +sensible Norwegians know, that our country is once more on the +right road. The papers are all writing about the splendid progress +the tourist traffic has made in Stordalen since the motor road was +opened--ought I not to go there and feel gratified?</p> + +<p>From old habit, I still take an interest in the few of us who +are left; Miss Torsen is still here.</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen--what more is there to be said about her? Well, she +does not leave; she stays here to complete the picture of the woman +Torsen, child of the middle class who has read schoolbooks all +through her formative years, who has learned all about <em>Artemis +cotula</em>, but undernourished her soul. That is what she is doing +here.</p> + +<p>I remember a few weeks ago, when we were infested with +Englishmen, a young sprout coming down from the mountain top with a +bloodstained rag which he threw on the ground, saying, "Here's +what's left of your lawyer that fell off!" Miss Torsen heard it, +and never moved a muscle. No, she never mourned the death of the +lawyer very keenly; on the contrary, she wrote off at once to ask +another friend to come. When he came, he turned out to be a +swaggering scatterbrain--a "free lance," he called himself in the +visitors' book. I have not mentioned him before because he was less +important than she; less important, in fact, than any of us. He was +beardless and wore his collar open; heaven knows if he wasn't +employed at a theater or in the films. Miss Torsen went to meet him +when he came, and said, "Welcome to our mountains," and "Thanks for +coming." So evidently she had sent for him. But why did she not +leave? Why did she seem to strike root in the place, and even ask +others to come here? Yet she had been the first to want to leave +last summer! There was something behind this.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXII</h2> + +<p>I muse on all this, and understand that her staying here is +somehow connected with her carnal desires, with the fact that Solem +is still here. How muddled it all is, and how this handsome girl +has been spoiled! I saw her not long ago, tall and proud, upright, +untouched, walking intentionally close to Solem, yet not replying +to his greeting. Did she suspect him of complicity in the death of +the lawyer and avoid him for that reason? Not in the least; she +avoided him less than before, even letting him take her letters to +the post office, which she had not done previously. But she was +unbalanced, a poor thing that had lost her bearings. Whenever she +could, she secretly defiled herself with pitch, with dung; she +sniffed at foulness and was not repelled.</p> + +<p>One day, when Solem swore a needlessly strong oath at a horse +that was restless, she looked at him, shivered, and went a deep +red. But she mastered herself at once, and asked Josephine:</p> + +<p>"Isn't that man leaving soon?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Josephine replied, "in a few days."</p> + +<p>Though she had seized this opportunity to ask her question with +a great show of indifference, I am certain it was an important one +to her. She went away in silence.</p> + +<p>Yes, Miss Torsen stayed, for she was sexually bound to Solem. +Solem's despair, Solem's rough passion that she herself had +inflamed, his brutality, his masculinity, his greedy hands, his +looks--she sniffed at all this and was excited by it. She had grown +so unnatural that her sexual needs were satisfied by keeping this +man at a distance. The Torsen type no doubt lies in her solitary +bed at night, reveling in the sensation that in another house a man +lies writhing for her.</p> + +<p>But her friend, the actor? He was in no sense the other's equal. +There was nothing of the bull in him, nothing of action, only the +braggadocio of the theater....</p> + +<hr> +<p>Here am I, growing small and petty with this life. I question +Solem about the accident. We are alone together in the +woodshed.</p> + +<p>Why had he lied and said the Dane wanted to climb the Blue Peak +that unfortunate Sunday morning?</p> + +<p>Solem looked at me, pretending not to understand.</p> + +<p>I repeated my question.</p> + +<p>Solem denied he had said any such thing.</p> + +<p>"I heard you," I said.</p> + +<p>"No, you didn't," he said.</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>Suddenly he dropped to the floor of the shed, convulsed, without +shape, an outline merely; a few minutes passed before he got up +again. When he was on his feet once more, pulling his clothes to +rights, we looked at each other. I had no wish to speak to him +further, and left him. Besides, he was going away soon.</p> + +<p>After this, everything was dull and empty again. I went out +alone, aping myself and shouting: "Bricks for the palace! The calf +is much stronger today!" And when this was done, I did other +nothings, and when my money began to run out, I wrote to my +publisher, pretending I would soon send him an unbelievably +remarkable manuscript. In short, I behaved like a man in love. +These were the typical symptoms.</p> + +<p>And to take the bull by the horns: no doubt you suspect me of +dwelling on the subject of Miss Torsen out of self-interest? In +that case I must have concealed well in these pages that I never +think of her except as an object, as a theme; turn back the pages +and you will see! At my age, one does not fall in love without +becoming grotesque, without making even the Pharaohs laugh.</p> + +<hr> +<p><em>Finis.</em></p> + +<p class="poetry">But there is one thing I cannot finish doing, +and that is withdrawing to my room, and sitting alone with +the good darkness round me. This, after all, is the last pleasure. +</p> + +<p>An interlude:</p> + +<p>Miss Torsen and her actor are walking this way; I hear their +footsteps and their voices; but since I am sitting in the dark of +the evening, I cannot see them. They stop outside my open window, +leaning against it, and the actor says something, asks her to do +something she does not want to do, tries to draw her with him; but +she resists.</p> + +<p>Then he grows angry.</p> + +<p>"What the devil did you send for me for?" he asks roughly.</p> + +<p>And she begins to weep and says:</p> + +<p>"So that's all you've come for! Oh, oh! But I'm not like that at +all. Why can't you leave me alone? I'm not hurting you."</p> + +<p>Am I one who understands women? Self-deception. Vain boasting. I +made my presence known then because her weeping sounded so +wretched; I moved a chair and cleared my throat.</p> + +<p>The sound caught his attention at once, and he hushed her, +trying to listen; but she said:</p> + +<p>"No, it was nothing...."</p> + +<p>But she knew very well this was not true; she knew what the +sound was. It was not the first time Miss Torsen used this trick +with me; she had often pretended that she thought I was not within +hearing, and then created some such delicate situation. Each time I +had promised myself not to intervene; but she had not wept before; +now she wept.</p> + +<p>Why did she use these wiles? To clear herself in my eyes--mine, +the eyes of a settled man--to make me believe how good she was, how +well-behaved! But, dear child, I knew that before; I could see it +from your hands! You are so unnatural that in your seven and +twentieth year, you walk unmarried, barren and unopen!</p> + +<p>The pair drifted away.</p> + +<p>And there is something else I cannot finish doing: withdrawing +into solitude in the woods, alone with the good darkness round me. +This is the last pleasure.</p> + +<p>One needs solitude and darkness, not because one flees the +company of others and can endure only one's own, but because of +their quality of loftiness and religion. Strange how all things +pass distantly, yet all is near; we sit in an omnipresence. It must +be God. It must be ourselves as a part of all things.</p> + +<p class="poetry"> What would my heart, where would I +stray?<br> + Shall I leave the forest behind me?<br> + It was my home but yesterday;<br> + now toward the city I wend my way;<br> + to the darkness of night I've resigned me.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> The world round me sleeps as I tarry, +alone,<br> + soothing my ear with its quiet.<br> + How large and gray is the city of stone<br> + in which the many all hopes enthrone!<br> + Shall I, too, accept their fiat?<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Hark! Do the bells ring on the +hillside?<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Back to the peace of the forest I +turn<br> + in the nightly hour that's hoarest.<br> + There's a sweet-smelling hedgerow to which I +yearn;<br> + I shall rest my head on heather and fern,<br> + and sleep in the depths of the forest.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Hark, how the bells ring on the +hillside!<br> +</p> + +<p>Romantic? Yes. Mere sentimentality, mood, rhyme--nothing? +Yes.</p> + +<p>It is the last happiness.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIII</h2> + +<p>The sun has returned. Not darkly glowing and regal--more than +that: imperial, because it is flaming. This you do not understand, +my friend, whatever the language in which it is dished up for you. +But I say there is an imperial sun in the sky.</p> + +<p>It's a good day for going to the woods; it is sweeping time, for +the woods are full of yellow things that have come suddenly into +being. A short time ago they were not there, or I did not see them, +or they had the earth's own complexion. There is something unborn +about them, like embryos in an early stage. But if I whirl them +about, they are miracles of fulfillment.</p> + +<p>Here are fungi of every sort, mushrooms and puffballs. How close +is the poisonous mushroom to the happy family of the edible +mushroom, and how innocently it stands there! Yet it is deadly. +What magnificent cunning! A spurious fruit, a criminal, habitual +vice itself, but preening in splendor and brilliance, a very +cardinal of fungi. I break off a morsel to chew; it is good and +soft on the tongue, but I am a coward and spit it out again. Was it +not the poisonous mushroom that drove men berserker? But in the +dawn of our own day, we die of a hair in the throat.</p> + +<p>The sun is already setting. Far up the mountainside are the +cattle, but they are moving homeward now; I can hear by their bells +that they are moving. Tinkling bells and deep-mouthed bells, +sometimes sounding together as though there were a meaning in it, a +pattern of tones, a rapture.</p> + +<p>And rapture, too, to see all the blades of grass and the tiny +flowers and plants. Beside me where I lie is a small pod plant, +wonderfully meek, with tiny seeds pushing out of the pod--God bless +it, it's becoming a mother! It has got caught in a dry twig and I +liberate it. Life quivers within it; the sun has warmed it today +and called it to its destiny. A tiny, gigantic miracle.</p> + +<p>Now it is sunset, and the woods bend under a rustling that +passes through them sweet and heavy; it is the evening.</p> + +<p>I lie for another hour or two; the birds have long since gone to +rest, and darkness falls thick and soft.... As I walk homeward, my +feet feel their way and I hold my hands before me till I reach the +field, where it is a little lighter. I walk on the hay that has +been left outdoors; it is tough and black, and I slip on it because +it is already rotting. As I approach the houses, bats fly +noiselessly past me, as though on wings of foam. A slight shudder +convulses me whenever they pass.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I stop.</p> + +<p>A man is walking here. I can see him against the wall of the new +house. He has on a coat that looks like the actor's raincoat, but +it is not the little comedian himself. There he goes, into the +house, right into the house. It is Solem.</p> + +<p>"Why, that's where she sleeps!" I think. "Ah, well. Alone in the +building, in the south wing, Miss Torsen alone--yes, quite alone. +And Solem has just gone in."</p> + +<p>I stand there waiting to be at hand, to rush in to the rescue, +for after all I am a human being, not a brute. Several minutes +pass. He has not even bothered to be very quiet, for I hear him +clicking the key in the lock. Surely I ought to hear a cry now? I +hear nothing, nothing; a chair scraping across the floor, that is +all.</p> + +<p>"But good heavens, he may do her some harm! He may injure her; +he may overpower her with rape! Ought I not to tap on the window? +I--what for? But at the very first cry, I shall be on the spot, +take my word for it."</p> + +<p>Not a single cry.</p> + +<p>The hours pass; I have settled down to wait. Of course I cannot +go my way and desert a helpless woman. But the hours wear on. A +very thorough business in there, nothing niggardly about this; it +is almost dawn. It occurs to me that he may be killing her, perhaps +has killed her already; I am alarmed and about to get up--when the +key clicks in the lock again and Solem emerges. He does not run, +but walks back the way he came, down to the veranda of my own +house. There he hangs the actor's raincoat where it hung before, +and emerges again. But this time he is naked. He has been naked +under the coat all this time. Is it possible? Why not? No +inhibitions, no restraint, no covering; Solem has thought it all +out. Now, stark naked, he stalks to his room.</p> + +<p>What a man!</p> + +<p>I sit thinking and collecting myself and regaining my wits. What +has happened? The south wing is still wrapped in silence, but the +lady is not dead; I can see that from Solem's fearless manner as he +goes to his room, lights the lamp, and goes to bed.</p> + +<p>It relieves me to know she is alive, revives me, and makes me +superlatively brave: if he has dared to kill her, I will report it +at once. I shall not spare him. I shall accuse him of both her +death and the lawyer's. I shall go further: I shall accuse +others--the thief of last winter, the man that stole the sides of +bacon from a tradesman and sold me rolls of tobacco out of his bag. +No, I shall not keep silence about anything then....</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIV</h2> + +<p>When it grew light, Solem went to the kitchen, had his +breakfast, settled his business with Paul and the women, and +returned to his room. He was in no hurry; though it was no longer +early in the day, he took his time about tying his bundles, +preparatory to leaving. Lingeringly he looked into the windows of +the south wing as he passed.</p> + +<p>Then Solem was gone.</p> + +<p>A little later Miss Torsen came in to breakfast. She asked at +once about Solem. And why might she be so interested in Solem? She +had certainly stopped in her room intentionally so as to give him +time to leave; if she wanted to see him she could have been here +long ago. But was it not safest to seem a little angry? Supposing, +night owl that I was, that I had seen something!</p> + +<p>"Where is Solem?" she asked indignantly.</p> + +<p>"Solem has gone now," Josephine replied.</p> + +<p>"Lucky for him!"</p> + +<p>"Why?" asked Josephine.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he's a dreadful creature!"</p> + +<p>How agitated she was! But in the course of the day she calmed +down. Her anger dissolved, and there was neither weeping nor a +scene; only she did not walk proudly, as was her habit, but +preferred to sit in silence.</p> + +<p>That passed too; she roused herself briskly soon after Solem's +departure, and in a few days she was the same as ever. She took +walks, she talked and laughed with us, she made the actor swing her +in the children's swing, as in the lawyer's day....</p> + +<p>I went out one evening, for there was good weather and darkness +for walking; there was neither a moon nor stars. The gentle ripple +of the little Reisa river was all the sound I heard; there were God +and Goethe and <em>über allen Gipfeln ist Ruh'</em> that night. On +my return, I was in the mood to walk softly and on tiptoe, so I +undressed and went to bed in the dark.</p> + +<p>Then they came again to my window, those two lunatics, the lady +and the actor. What next? But it was not he that chose this spot; +of that I was sure. She chose it because she was convinced I had +returned. There was something she <em>wanted</em> me to hear.</p> + +<p>Why should I listen to him still pleading with her?</p> + +<p>"I've had enough of this," he said. "I'm leaving tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well...." she said. "No, let's not tonight," she added +suddenly; "some other time. Yes? In a few days? We'll talk about it +tomorrow. Good night."</p> + +<p>For the first time it struck me: she wants to rouse you, too, +settled man though you are; she wants to make you as mad as the +others! That's what she's after!</p> + +<p>And now I remember, before the lawyer arrived, when there was +Tradesman Batt--I remember how during his first few days here, she +would give me a kind word or a look that was quite out of the +picture, and as unmistakable as her pride would permit. No, she had +no objections to seeing old age wriggle. And listen to this: before +this she had been intent to show a well-behaved indifference to +sex, but that was finished; was she not at this moment resisting +only faintly, and raising definite hopes? "Not tonight, but some +other time," she had said. Yes, a half-refusal, a mere +postponement, that I was meant to hear. She was corrupt, but she +was also cunning, with the cunning of a madman. So corrupt.</p> + +<p>Dear child, Pharaoh laughs before his pyramids; standing before +his pyramids he laughs. He would laugh at me, too.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Next day we three remaining guests were sitting in the living +room. The lady and the actor read one book; I read another.</p> + +<p>"Will you," she says to him, "do me a great favor?"</p> + +<p>"With pleasure."</p> + +<p>"Would you go out in the grounds where we sat yesterday and +fetch my galoshes?"</p> + +<p>So he went out to do her this great favor. He sang a well-known +popular song as he crossed the yard, cheerful in his own peculiar +way.</p> + +<p>She turned to me.</p> + +<p>"You seem silent."</p> + +<p>"Do I?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, you're very silent."</p> + +<p>"Listen to this," I said, and began to read to her from the book +I held in my hands. I read a longish bit.</p> + +<p>She tried to interrupt me several times, and at length said +impatiently:</p> + +<p>"What is this you want me to listen to?"</p> + +<p>"The <em>Musketeers</em>. You must admit it's entertaining."</p> + +<p>"I've read it," she said. And then she began to clasp her hands +and drag them apart again.</p> + +<p>"Then you must hear something you haven't read before," I +replied, and went across to my room to fetch a few pages I had +written. They were only a few poems--nothing special, just a few +small verses. Not that I am in the habit of reading such things +aloud, but I seized on this for the moment because I wanted to +prevent her from humbling herself, and telling me anything +more.</p> + +<p>While I was reading the poems to her, the actor returned.</p> + +<p>"I couldn't find any galoshes there," he said.</p> + +<p>"No?" she replied absently.</p> + +<p>"No, I really looked everywhere, but...."</p> + +<p>She got up and left the room.</p> + +<p>He looked after her in some surprise, and sat still for a +moment. Then it occurred to him.</p> + +<p>"I believe her galoshes are in the passage outside her door," he +said, and hurried after her.</p> + +<p>I sat back, thinking it over. There had been a sweetness in her +face as she said, "Yes, you're very silent." Had she seen through +me and my pretext for reading to her? Of course she had. She was no +fool. I was the fool, nobody else. I should have driven a sportsman +to despair. Some practice the sport of making conquests and the +sport of making love, because they find it so agreeable; I have +never practiced sport of any kind. I have loved and raged and +suffered and stormed according to my nature--that is all; I am an +old-fashioned man. And here I sit in the shadow of evening, the +shadow of the half-century. Let me have done!</p> + +<p>The actor returned to the living room confused and dejected. She +had turned him out; she had wept.</p> + +<p>I was not surprised, for it was the mode of expression of her +type.</p> + +<p>"Have you ever heard the like of it? She told me to get out! I +shall leave tomorrow."</p> + +<p>"Have you found the galoshes?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Of course," he replied. "They were right in the passage. 'Here +they are,' I said to her. 'Yes, yes,' she said. 'Right under your +nose,' I said. 'Yes, yes, go away,' she said, and began to cry. So +I went away."</p> + +<p>"She'll get over it."</p> + +<p>"Do you think so? Yes, I expect she will. Oh, well, it's my +opinion nobody can understand women, anyhow. But they're a mighty +sex, the women, a mighty sex. They certainly are."</p> + +<p>He sat on a while, but he had no peace of mind, and soon went +out again.</p> + +<hr> +<p>That evening the lady was in the dining room before us; she was +there when we came in, and we all nodded slightly in greeting. To +the actor she was very kind, quite making up for her petulance of +the afternoon.</p> + +<p>When he sat down he found a letter in his table napkin: a +written note folded into the napkin. He was so surprised that he +dropped everything he was doing to unfold and read it. With an +exclamation and a smile, his blue, delighted eyes splashed over +her; but she was looking down into her lap with her forehead +wrinkled, so he put the note away in his vest pocket.</p> + +<p>Then it probably dawned on him that he had betrayed her, and he +tried to cover it up somehow.</p> + +<p>"Well, here goes for food!" he said, as though he were going to +require all his energy for the task of eating.</p> + +<p>Why had she written? There was nothing to prevent her speaking +to him. He had, after all, been sitting on the doorstep when she +emerged from her room and passed him. Had she foreseen that the +good comedian could not contain himself, but would surely let a +third person into the secret?</p> + +<p>Why probe or question further? The actor did not eat much, but +he looked very happy. So the note must have said yes, must have +been a promise; perhaps she would not tantalize him further.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXV</h2> + +<p>A few days later, they were going to leave. They would travel +together, and that would be the end.</p> + +<p>I might have pitied them both, for though life is good, life is +stern. One result at any rate was accomplished. She had not sent +for him in vain, nor had he come in vain.</p> + +<p>That was the end of the act. But there were more acts to +come--many more.</p> + +<p>She had lost much: having been ravished, she gave herself away; +why be niggardly now? And this is the destiny of her type, that +they lose increasingly much, retaining ever less; what need to hold +back now? The ground has been completely shifted: from +half-measures to the immolation of all virtue. The type is +well-known, and can be found at resorts and boarding-houses, where +it grows and flourishes.</p> + +<p>In spite of her wasted adolescence, her examination and her +"independence," she has been coming home from her office stool or +her teacher's desk more or less exhausted; suddenly she finds +herself in the midst of a sweet and unlimited idleness, with +quantities of tinned food for her meals. The company round her is +continually changing, tourists come and go, and she passes from +hand to hand for walks and talks; the tone is "country +informality." This is sheer loose living; this is a life stripped +of all purpose. She does not even sleep enough because she hears +through the thin wall every sound made by her neighbor in the next +room, while arriving or departing Englishmen bang doors all night. +In a short time she has become a neurotic, sated with company, +surfeited with herself and the place. She is ready to go off with +the next halfway respectable organ grinder that happens along. And +so she pairs off with the most casual visitors, flirts with the +guide, hovering about him and making bandages for his fingers, and +at last throws herself into the arms of a nameless nobody who has +arrived at the house today.</p> + +<p>This is the Torsen type.</p> + +<p>And now, at this very moment, she retires to her room to collect +the fragments of herself, in preparation for her departure--at the +end of the summer. It takes time; there are so many fragments, one +in every corner. But perhaps it consoles her to think that she +knows the genitive of <em>mensa</em>.</p> + +<p>Things are not quite so bad for the actor. He has staked +nothing, is committed to nothing. No part of his life is destroyed, +nor anything within him. As he came, so he goes, cheerful, empty, +nice. In fact he is even something more of a man because he has +really made a conquest. He has no wish but to spend some pleasant +hours with the Torsen type.</p> + +<p>He strolled about the garden waiting for her to get ready. Once +she was visible through the doorway, and he called to her:</p> + +<p>"Aren't you coming soon? Don't forget we've got to cross the +mountain!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I can't go bareheaded," she replied.</p> + +<p>He was impatient.</p> + +<p>"No, you've got to put your hat on, and what a lot of time that +takes! Ugh!"</p> + +<p>She measured him coldly and said:</p> + +<p>"You're very--familiar."</p> + +<p>If he had paid her back in the same coin there would have been +weeping and gnashing of teeth and cries of "Go away! Go alone!" and +an hour's delay, and reconciliation and embraces. But the actor's +manner changed at once, and he replied docilely, as his nature +was,</p> + +<p>"Familiar? Well--perhaps. Sorry!"</p> + +<p>Then he strolled about the garden again, humming occasionally +and swinging his stick. I took note of the oddly feminine shape of +his knees, and the unusual plumpness of his thighs; there was +something unnatural about this plumpness, as though it did not +belong to his sex.</p> + +<p>His shoes were down at the heel, and his collar was open. His +raincoat hung regally from his shoulders and flapped in the wind, +though it was not raining. He was a proud and comical sight. But +why speak harsh words about a raincoat? It was not he, the owner, +that had abused it, and it hung from his shoulders as innocently as +a bridal veil.</p> + +<p>Why speak harsh words about anyone? Life is good, but life is +stern. Perhaps when she comes out, I think to myself, the following +scene will take place: I stand here waiting only for this +departure. So she gives me her hand and says good-bye.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you say something?" she asks in order to seem bright +and easy in her mind.</p> + +<p>"Because I don't want to hurt you in the great error of your +ways."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha," she laughs, too loudly and in a forced tone; "the +great error of my ways! Well, really!"</p> + +<p>And her anger grows, while I am assured and fatherly, standing +on the firm ground of conscious virtue. Yet I say an unworthy thing +like this:</p> + +<p>"Don't throw yourself away, Miss Torsen!"</p> + +<p>She raises her head then; yes, the Torsen type would raise her +head and reply, pale and offended:</p> + +<p>"Throw myself away?--I don't understand you."</p> + +<p>But it is possible, too, that Miss Torsen, at heart a fine, +proud girl, would have a lucid moment and see things in their true +light:</p> + +<p>"Why not, why shouldn't I throw myself away? What is there to +keep? I am thrown away, wasted ever since my school days, and now I +am seven and twenty...."</p> + +<p>My own thoughts run away with me as I stand there wishing I were +somewhere else. Perhaps she, too, in her room wishes me far +away.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," I say to the actor. "Will you remember me to Miss +Torsen? I must go now."</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," says he, shaking hands in some surprise. "Can't you +wait a few minutes? Well, all right, I'll give her your greeting. +Good-bye, good-bye."</p> + +<p>I take a short cut to get out of the way, and as I know every +nook and corner, I am soon outside the farm, and find a good +shelter. From here I shall see when these two leave. She has only +to say good-bye now to the people of the farm.</p> + +<p>It struck me that yesterday was the last time I spoke to her. We +spoke only a few insignificant words that I have forgotten, and +today I have not spoken to her....</p> + +<p>Here they come.</p> + +<p>Curious--they seemed somehow to have become welded together; +though they walked separately up the mountain track, yet they +belonged together. They did not speak; the essential things had +probably already been said. Life had grown ordinary for them; it +still remained to them to be of use to each other. He walked first, +while she followed many paces behind; it was lonely to look at +against the rugged background of the mountain. Where had her tall +figure gone to? She seemed to have grown shorter because she had +hitched up her skirt and was carrying her knapsack on her back. +They each carried one, but he carried hers and she his, probably +because, owing to the greater number of her clothes, hers was the +heavier sack. Thus had they shifted their burdens; what burdens +would they carry in the future? She was, after all, no longer a +schoolmistress, and perhaps he was no longer with the theater or +the films.</p> + +<p>I watched those two crossing rocky, mountainous ground, bare +ground, with not a tree anywhere except a few stunted junipers; far +away near the ridge murmured the little Reisa. Those two had put +their possessions together, were walking together; at the next halt +they would be man and wife, and take only one room because it was +cheaper.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I started up and, moved by some impulse of human +sympathy--nay, of duty--I wanted to run across to her, talk to her, +say a word of warning: "Don't go on!" I could have done it in a few +minutes--a good deed, a duty....</p> + +<p>They disappeared behind the shoulder of the hill.</p> + +<p>Her name was Ingeborg.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVI</h2> + +<p>And now I, too, must wander on again, for I am the last at the +Tore Peak farm. The season is wearing on, and this morning it +snowed for the first time--wet, sad snow.</p> + +<p>It is very quiet at the farm now, and Josephine might have +played the piano again and been friendly to the last guest; but now +I am leaving, too. Besides, Josephine has little to play and be +cheerful for; things have gone badly this year, and may grow worse +as time goes on. The prospect is not a good one. "But something +will turn up," says Josephine. She need not worry, for she has +money in the bank, and no doubt there is a young man in the offing, +on the other side of the fjeld.</p> + +<p>Oh, yes, Josephine will always manage; she thinks of everything. +The other day, for instance--when Miss Torsen and her friend left. +The friend could not pay his bill, and all he said was that he had +expected money, but it hadn't come, and he couldn't stay any longer +because of his private affairs. That was all very well, but when +would the bill be paid? Why, he would send it from the town, of +course; that was where he had his money!</p> + +<p>"But how do we know we'll get the money?--from him, anyway," +said Josephine. "We've had these actor-people here before. And I +didn't like the way he swanked about outside, thinking he was as +good as anybody, and throwing his stick up in the air and catching +it again. And then when Miss Torsen came in to say good-bye, I told +her, and I wondered if she couldn't let me have the money for him. +Miss Torsen was shocked, and said, 'Hasn't he paid himself?' 'No,' +I said, 'he hasn't, and this year being such a bad one, we need +every penny.' So then Miss Torsen said of course we should get the +money; how much was it? And I told her, and she said she couldn't +pay for him now, but she would see the money was sent; we could +trust her for that. And I think we can, too. We'll get the money +all right, if not from him. I daresay she'll send it +herself...."</p> + +<p>And Josephine went off to serve me my dinner.</p> + +<p>Paul is on his feet now, too. Not that his step is always very +steady, but at least he puts his feet to the ground. But he takes +no interest in things; he does little more than feeding the horses +and chopping some wood. He ought to be clearing the manure out of +the summer cow houses for autumn use, but he keeps putting it off, +and probably it will not be done at all. So far it hasn't mattered, +but this morning's first wet snow has covered the hay outdoors and +the maltreated land. And so it will remain till next spring. Poor +Paul! He is an easygoing man at heart, but he pushes doggedly on +against a whirlwind; sometimes he smiles to himself, knowing how +useless it is to struggle--a distorted smile.</p> + +<p>His father, the old man alone in his room, stands sometimes on +his threshold, as he used to do, and reflects. He is lost in +memories, for he has ninety years behind him. The many houses on +the farm confuse him a little; the roofs are all too big for him, +and he is afraid they might come down and carry him off. Once he +asked Josephine if it was right that his hands and fingers should +run away from him every day across the fields. So they put mittens +on his hands, but he took to chewing them; in fact he ate +everything he was given, and enjoyed a good digestion. So they must +be thankful he had his health, Josephine said, and could be up and +about.</p> + +<hr> +<p>I did not follow the others across the field, but returned the +way I had come last spring, down toward the woods and the sea. It +is fitting that I should go back, always back, never forward +again.</p> + +<p>I passed the hut where Solem and I had lived together, and then +the Lapps--the two old people and Olga, this strange cross between +a human being and a dwarf birch. A stove stood against the peat +wall, and a paraffin lamp hung from the roof of their stone-age +dwelling. Olga was kind and helpful, but she looked tiny and +pathetic, like a ruffled hen; it pained me to watch her flit about +the room, tiny and crooked, as she looked for a pair of reindeer +cheeses for me.</p> + +<p>Then I reached my own hut of last winter where I had passed so +many lonely months. I did not enter it.</p> + +<p>Or rather, I did enter it, for I had to spend the night there. +But I shall skip this, so for the sake of brevity, I call it not +entering. This morning I wrote something playful about Madame, the +mouse I left here last spring; but tonight I am taking it out again +because I am no longer in the mood, and because there is no point +in it. Perhaps it would have amused you to read it, my friend; but +there is no point in amusing you now. I must deject you now and +make you listen to me; there is not much more to hear.</p> + +<p>Am I moralizing? I am explaining. No, I am not moralizing; I am +explaining. If it is moralizing to see the truth and tell it to +you, then I am moralizing. Can I help that? Intuitively I see into +what is distant; you do not, for this is something you cannot learn +from your little schoolbooks. Do not let this rouse your hatred for +me. I shall be merry again with you later, when my strings are +tuned to merriment. I have no power over them. Now they are tuned +to a chorale....</p> + +<hr> +<p>At dawn, in the bright moonlight, I leave the hut and push on +quickly in order to reach the village as soon as possible. But I +must have started too early or walked too fast, for at this rate I +shall reach the village at high noon. What am I chasing after? +Perhaps it is feeling the nearness of the sea that drives me +forward. And as I stand on the last high ridge, with the glitter +and roar of the sea far beneath, a sweetness darts through me like +a greeting from another world. "<em>Thalatta!</em>" I cry; and I +wipe my eyeglasses tremblingly. The roar from below is sleepless +and fierce, a tone of jungle passion, a savage litany. I descend +the ridge as though in a trance and reach the first house.</p> + +<p>There was no one about, and a few children's faces at a window +suddenly disappeared. Everything here was small and poor, though +only the barn was of peat; the house was a timbered fisherman's +home. As I entered the house, I saw that though it was as poor +within as without, the floor was clean and covered with pine twigs. +There were many children here. The mother was busy cooking +something over the fire.</p> + +<p>I was offered a chair, and sitting down, began to chat with a +couple of small boys. As I was in no hurry and asked for nothing, +the woman said:</p> + +<p>"I expect you want a boat?"</p> + +<p>"A boat?" I said in my turn, for I had not come by boat on my +last visit; I had walked instead over fjelds and valleys many miles +from the sea. "Yes, why not?" I said. "But where does it go?"</p> + +<p>"I thought you wanted a boat to go to the trading center," she +replied, "because that's where the steamer stops. We've rowed over +lots of people this year."</p> + +<p>Great changes here; the motor traffic in Stordalen must have +completely altered all the other traffic since my last visit ten +months ago.</p> + +<p>"Where can I stop for a few days?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"At the trading center, the other side of the islands. Or +there's Eilert and Olaus; they're both on this side. You could go +there; they've got big houses."</p> + +<p>She showed me the two places on this side of the water, close to +the shore, and I proceeded thither.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVII</h2> + +<p>A large house, with and upper story of planks built on later, +displayed a new signboard on the wall: Room and Board. The barn, as +usual, was a peat hut.</p> + +<p>As I did not know which was Eilert and which Olaus, and had +stopped to consider which road to take, a man came hurrying toward +me. Ah, well, the world is a small place; we meet friends and +acquaintances everywhere. Here am I, meeting an old acquaintance, +the thief of last winter, the pork thief. What luck, what a +satisfaction!</p> + +<p>This was Eilert. He took in paying guests now.</p> + +<p>At first he pretended not to recognize me, but he soon gave that +up. Once he had done so, however, he carried the thing off in +style:</p> + +<p>"Well, well," he said, "what a nice surprise! You are most +welcome under my humble roof, and such it is!"</p> + +<p>My own response was rather less jaunty, and I stood still +collecting my thoughts. When I had asked a few questions, he +explained that since the motor traffic had started in Stordalen, +many visitors came through this way, and sometimes they wanted to +stop over at his house before being rowed across to the steamer. +They always came down in the evenings, and it might be fine, or it +might not, and at night the fjord was often wild. He had therefore +had to arrange to house them, because after all, you can't expect +people to spend the night outdoors.</p> + +<p>"So you've turned into a hotelkeeper," I said.</p> + +<p>"Well, you can joke about it," he returned, "but all I do is to +give shelter to the people who come here. That's all the hotel +there is to it. My neighbor Olaus can't do any more either, even if +he builds a place that's ten times as big. Look over there--now +he's building another house--a shed, I'd call it--and he's got +three grown men working on it so he can get it done by next summer. +But it won't be much bigger than my place at that, and anyhow, the +gentry don't want to be bothered walking all that distance to his +place when here's my house right at the car stop. And besides it +was me that started it, and if I was Olaus I wouldn't have wanted +to imitate me like a regular monkey and started keeping boarders +which I didn't know the first thing about. But he can't make +himself any different from what he is, so he puts up a few old bits +of canvas and rugs and cardboard inside his barn and gets people to +sleep there. But I'd never ask the gentry to sleep in a barn, a +storehouse for fodder and hay for dumb beasts, if you'll excuse my +mentioning it! But of course if you've no shame in you and don't +know how to behave in company--"</p> + +<p>"Lucky I've met you," I said. "Why, I might have gone on down +the road to his place!"</p> + +<p>We walked on together, with Eilert talking and explaining all +the way, and assuring me over and over again that Olaus was a +good-for-nothing for copying him as he did.</p> + +<p>If I had known what was awaiting me, I should certainly have +passed by Eilert's house. But I did not know. I was innocent, +though I may not have appeared so. It cannot be helped.</p> + +<p>"It's too bad I've got somebody in the best room," said Eilert. +"They're gentlefolk from the city. They came down here through +Stordalen, and they had to walk because the cars have stopped for +the season. They've been in my house for quite some days, and I +think they'll be staying on a while yet. I think they're out now, +but of course it means I can't let you have my best room."</p> + +<p>I looked up, and saw a face in the window. A shiver ran through +me--no, of course not a shiver, far from it, but certainly this was +a fresh surprise. What a coincidence! As we were about to enter the +door, there was the actor, too--standing there looking at me: the +actor from the Tore Peak resort. It was his knees, his coat, and +his stick. So I was right--I <em>had</em> recognized her face at an +upper window. Yes, indeed, the world is small.</p> + +<p>The actor and I greeted each other and began to talk. How nice +to see me again! And how was Paul, the good fellow--still soaking +himself in liquor, he supposed? Funny effect it has sometimes; Paul +seemed to think the whole inn was an aquarium and we visitors the +goldfish! "Ha, ha, ha, goldfish; I wish we were, I must say!--Well, +Eilert, are we getting some fresh haddock for supper? +Good!--Really, we like it here very much; we've already been here +several days; we want to stay and get a good rest."</p> + +<p>As we stood there, a rather stout girl came down from the loft +and addressed the actor:</p> + +<p>"The missis wants you to come right upstairs."</p> + +<p>"Oh? Very well, at once.... Well, see you later. You'll be +stopping here, too, I expect?"</p> + +<p>He hurried up the stairs.</p> + +<p>Eilert and I followed to my room.</p> + +<hr> +<p>As a matter of fact, I went out again with Eilert at once. He +had a great deal to tell me and explain to me, and I was not +unwilling to listen to him then. Really, Eilert was not too bad, a +fine fellow with four ragged, magnificent youngsters by his first +wife, who had died two years before, and another child by his +second wife. He must have forgotten, as he told me this, the yarn +about the sick wife and the ailing children that he had spun for me +last winter. The girl who had come down the stairs with the message +from the "missis" was no servant, but Eilert's young wife. And she, +too, was all right--strong and good, handy about the stables, and +pregnant again.</p> + +<p>It all looks good to me, Eilert: your wife and everything you +tell me about your family.</p> + +<p>No one will understand my strange contentment, then; I had been +full of an obscure happiness from the moment I came to this house. +Probably a mere coincidence, but that did not detract from my +satisfactory state of mind; I was pleased with everything, and all +things added to my cheerful frame of mind. There were some pigs by +the barn, very affectionate pigs, because they were used to the +children playing with them and kissing them and riding on their +backs. And there was one of the goats, up on the roof of course, +standing so far out along the edge that it was a wonder he didn't +grow dizzy. Seagulls flew criss-cross over the fields, screaming +their own language to one another, and being friends or enemies to +the best of their ability. Down by the mouth of the river, just +beneath the sunset, began the great road that winds up through the +woods and the valley. There is something of the friendliness of a +living being about such a forest road.</p> + +<p>Eilert was going out in his boat to fish haddock, and I went +with him. Actually he should have been getting some meat for us; +but he had promised the gentry from the city some fish, and fish +was one of the gifts of God. Besides, if he lacked meat, he could +always slaughter one of the pigs.</p> + +<p>There was a slight wind; but then we wanted some wind, Eilert +said, as long as there was not too much of it.</p> + +<p>"Not reliable tonight though," he said, looking up into the sky; +"the bigger the wind, the stronger the current."</p> + +<p>At first I was very brave, and sat on the thwart thinking of +Eilert's French words: <em>travali, prekevary, sutinary, +mankémang</em>, and many others. They've had a long way to travel, +coming here by ancient routes via Bergen, and now they're common +property.</p> + +<p>And then suddenly I lost all interest in French words, and felt +extremely ill. It was much too windy, and we got no haddock.</p> + +<p>"Pity she's come up so quick," said Eilert; "let's try inshore +for a while."</p> + +<p>But we got nothing there either, and as the wind increased and +the sea rose, "We'd better go home," said Eilert.</p> + +<p>The sea had been just right before, remarkably so, but now there +was entirely too much of it. Why on earth did I feel so bad? An +inner exhaustion, some emotional excitement, would have explained +it. But I had experienced no emotional excitement.</p> + +<p>We rowed in the foam and feathery jets of spray. "She's rising +fast!" cried Eilert, rowing with all his might.</p> + +<p>I felt so wretched that Eilert told me to ship my oars; he would +manage by himself. But for all my wretchedness, I remembered that +they could see me from the shore, and I would not put down my oars. +Eilert's wife might see me and laugh at me.</p> + +<p>What a revolting business, this seasickness that forced me to +put my head over the gunwale and make a pig of myself! I had a +moment's relief, and then it began all over again. Charming! I felt +as though I were in labor; the wrong way up, of course, through my +throat, but it was a delivery nonetheless. It moved up, then +stopped, came on again and stopped, came on and stopped once more. +It was a lump of iron--iron, did I say? No, steel; I had never felt +anything like it before; it was not something I was born with. All +my internal mechanism was stopped by it. Then I took a running +start far down inside me and began, strangely, to howl with all my +strength; but a howl, however successful, cannot break down a lump +of steel. The pains continued. My mouth filled with bile. Soon, +thank heaven, my chest would burst. O--oh--oh.... Then we rowed +inside the islands that served as a breakwater, and I was +saved.</p> + +<p>Quite suddenly I was well again, and began to play the clown, +imitating my own behavior in order to deceive the people ashore. +And I assured Eilert, too, that this was the first time I had ever +been seasick, so that he should understand it was nothing to gossip +about. After all, he had not heard about the great seas I had +sailed without the slightest discomfort; once I had been +four-and-twenty days on the ocean, with most of the passengers in +bed, and even the captain sick in cascades; but not me!</p> + +<p>"Yes, I get seasick sometimes, too," says Eilert.</p> + +<p>That evening I sat eating alone in the dining room. Since we had +not brought back any haddock, the visitors upstairs had no desire +to come down. All they wanted, Eilert's wife said, was some bread +and butter and milk to be sent up.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXVIII</h2> + +<p>Next morning they had gone.</p> + +<p>Yes, indeed, they left at four in the morning, at dawn; I heard +them perfectly well, for my room was near the stairs. The knight of +the plump thighs came first, clumping heavily down the stairs. She +hushed him, and her voice sounded angry.</p> + +<p>Eilert had just risen too, and they stood outside for some +minutes, negotiating with him for the boat--yes, at once; they had +changed their minds and wanted to leave, immediately. Then they +went down to the boat, Eilert with them. I could see them through +the window, chilled by the cold of early morning and short-tempered +with each other. There had been a frost during the night; ice lay +on the water in the buckets, and the ground was harsh to walk on. +Poor things--no food, no coffee; a windy morning, with the sea +still running rather high. There they go with their knapsacks on +their backs; she is still wearing her red hat.</p> + +<p>Well, it was no concern of mine, and I lay down again, intending +to sleep till about noon. Nothing was any concern of mine, except +myself. I could not see the boat from my bed, so I got up +again--just to while the time away--to see how far they had gone. +Not very far, though both men were rowing. A little later I got up +and looked again--oh, yes, they were getting on. I took up my post +by the window. It was really quite interesting to watch the boat +getting smaller and smaller; finally I opened the window, even +looked through my field-glasses. As it was not yet quite light, I +could not see them very clearly, but the red hat was still +discernible. Then the boat disappeared behind an island. I dressed +and went down. The children were all still in bed, but the wife, +Regine, was up. How calmly and naturally she took everything!</p> + +<p>"Do you know where your husband is?" I asked her.</p> + +<p>"Yes--funny, aren't they?" she replied. "I never saw them till +after they'd left--gone down to the fjord. Where do you suppose +they're going? Haddock fishing?"</p> + +<p>"Maybe," was all I said. But I thought to myself: "They're +leaving, all right. They had their knapsacks on their backs."</p> + +<p>"Funny couple," Regine resumed. "Nothing to eat, no coffee, not +a thing! And the missis not wanting anything to eat last night, +neither!"</p> + +<p>I merely shook my head and went out. Regine called to me that +coffee was nearly ready, so if I'd like a cup--</p> + +<p>Of course the only thing I could do in the face of such +foolishness was to shake my head and go away. One must take the +sensible view. How was it possible to understand such behavior? +Nevertheless I, the undersigned, should have gone on to Olaus +yesterday, instead of going fishing. That would have been still +more sensible. What business had I at this house? Very likely she +found it embarrassing to be called the "missis," and this was why +she could neither eat last night nor stay here today. So she had +beaten a retreat, with her friend and her knapsack.</p> + +<p>Well, it was not much to go away with, but perhaps that doesn't +matter. As long as one has a reason to go away.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Later in the forenoon Eilert returned home. He was alone, but he +came up the path carrying one of the knapsacks--the larger one. He +was in a furious temper, and kept saying they'd better not try it +on him--no, they'd just better not.</p> + +<p>Of course it was the bill again.</p> + +<p>"She'll probably have a good deal of this sort of trouble," I +thought to myself, "but no doubt she'll get used to it, and take it +as nonchalantly as it should be taken. There are worse things."</p> + +<p>But the fact remains that it was I that upset them, I that had +driven them away without their clothes; perhaps they had really +expected some money to be sent here--who knows?</p> + +<p>I got hold of Eilert. How big was the bill? What, was that all? +"Good heavens! Here you are, here's your money; now row across to +them at once with their clothes!"</p> + +<p>But it all proved in vain, for the strangers had gone; they had +arrived just in time for the boat, and were aboard it at that very +moment.</p> + +<p>Well, there was no help for it.</p> + +<p>"Here's their address," says Eilert. "We can send the clothes +next Thursday; that's the next trip the boat goes south again."</p> + +<p>I took down the address, but I was most ungracious to Eilert. +Why couldn't he have kept the other knapsack--why this particular +one?</p> + +<p>Eilert replied that it was true the gentleman had offered him +the other one, but he could see from the outside that it was not so +good as this one. And I should remember that the money the missis +had paid him hadn't covered more than the bill for one of them. So +it was only reasonable that he should take the fullest knapsack. As +a matter of fact, he had behaved very well, and that was the truth. +Because when she gave him the larger knapsack, and wrote the +address, she had scolded, but he had kept quiet, and said not +another word. And anyway, nobody had better try it on him-- they'd +better not, or he'd know the reason why!</p> + +<p>Eilert shook a long-armed fist at the sky.</p> + +<p>When he had eaten, drunk his coffee, and rested for a while, he +was not so lively and talkative as on the previous day. He had been +brooding and speculating ever since last summer, when the motor +traffic started, and did I think it would be a good idea for him to +hire three grown men, too, and build a much bigger house than +Olaus's?</p> + +<p>So he had caught it, too--the great, modern Norwegian +disease!</p> + +<p>The knapsack was back in her room again; yes, these were her +clothes; I recognized her blouses, her skirts and her shoes. I +hardly looked at them, of course; just unpacked them, folded them +neatly, and put them back in the bag again; because no doubt Eilert +had had them all out in a heap. This was really my only reason for +unpacking them.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXIX</h2> + +<p>Once more I was run into a party of English, the last for this +year.</p> + +<p>They arrived by steamer in the morning and stopped at the +trading station for a few hours, meanwhile sending up a detachment +through the valley to order a car to meet them. Stordalen, +Stordalen, they said. So they had apparently not yet seen +Stordalen--an omission they must repair at once.</p> + +<p>And what a sensation they made!</p> + +<p>They came across by rowboat from the trading station; we could +hear them a long way off, an old man's voice drowning out all the +others. Eilert dropped everything he had in hand, and ran down to +the landing place in order to be the first on the spot. From +Olaus's house, too, a man and a few half-grown boys went down, and +from all the houses round swarmed curious and helpful crowds. There +were so many spectators at the landing place that the old man with +the loud voice drew himself up to his full height in the boat and +majestically shouted his English at us, as though his language must +of course be ours as well:</p> + +<p>"Where's the car? Bring the car down!"</p> + +<p>Olaus, who was sharp, guessed what he meant and at once sent his +two boys up the valley to meet the car and hurry it on, for the +Englishmen had arrived.</p> + +<p>They disembarked, they were in a great hurry, they could not +understand why the car had not come to meet them: "What was the +meaning of this?" There were four of them. "Stordalen!" they said. +As they came up past Eilert's house, they looked at their watches +and swore because so many minutes were being wasted. Where the +devil was the car? The populace followed at some distance, gazing +with reverence on these dressed-up fools.</p> + +<p>I remember a couple of them: an old man--the one with the loud +voice--who wore a pleated kilt on each thigh and a jacket of green +canvas with braid and buckles and straps and innumerable pockets +all over it. What a man, what a power! His beard, streaming out +from under his nose like the northern lights, was greenish-white, +and he swore like a madman. Another of the party was tall and bent, +a flagpole of sorts, astonishing, stupendous, with sloping +shoulders, a tiny cap perched above extravagantly arched eyebrows; +he was an upended Roman battering ram, a man on stilts. I measured +him with my eyes, and still there was something left over. Yet he +was bent and broken, old before his time, quite bald; but his mouth +was tight as a tiger's, and he had a madness in his head that kept +him on the move.</p> + +<p>"Stordalen!" he cried.</p> + +<p>England will soon have to open old people's homes for her sons. +She desexes her people with sport and obsessive ideas: were not +other countries keeping her in perpetual unrest, she would in a +couple of generations be converted to pederasty....</p> + +<p>Then the horn of the car was heard tooting in the woods, and +everyone raced to meet it.</p> + +<p>Of course Olaus's two boys had done an honest day's work in +meeting the car so far up the road, and urging the driver to hurry; +were they not to get any reward? True, they were allowed to sit in +the back seat for their return journey and thus enjoyed the drive +of a lifetime; but money! They had acquired enough brazenness in +the course of the summer not to hesitate, and approached the +loud-voiced old man, holding out their palms and clamoring: +"Money!" But that did not suit the old man, who entered the car +forthwith, urging his companions to hurry. The driver, no doubt +thinking of his own tips, felt he would serve his passengers best +by driving off with them at once. So off he went. A toot of the +horn, and a rapid fanfare--tara-ra-boom-de-ay!</p> + +<p>The spectators turned homeward, talking about the illustrious +visitors. Foreign lands--ah, no, this country will not bear +comparison with them! "Did you see how tall the younger lord was?" +"And did you see the other one, the one with the skirts and the +northern lights?"</p> + +<p>But some of the homeward-turning bumpkins, such as the Olaus +family, had more serious matters on their minds. Olaus for the +first time understood what he had read in the paper so many times, +that the Norwegian elementary school is a worthless institution +because it does not teach English to the children of the lower +orders. Here were his boys, losing a handsome tip merely because +they could not swear back intelligibly at the gentleman with the +northern lights. The boys themselves had also something to think +about: "That driver, that scoundrel, that southerner! But just +wait!" They had heard that bits of broken bottle were very good for +tires....</p> + +<hr> +<p>I return to her knapsack and her clothes, and the reason why I +do so is that Eilert is so little to be trusted. I want to count +her clothes to make sure none of them disappear; it was a mistake +not to have done so at once.</p> + +<p>It may seem as though I kept returning to these clothes and +thinking about them; but why should I do that? At any rate it is +now evident that I was right in suspecting Eilert, for I heard him +going upstairs, and when I came in, he was turning out the bag and +going through the clothes.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing?" I said.</p> + +<p>At first he tried to brazen it out.</p> + +<p>"Never you mind," he replied. But my knowing something about him +was so much to my advantage that he soon drew in his horns. How I +wronged him, he complained, and exploited him:</p> + +<p>"You haven't bought these clothes," he said. "I could have got +more for them if I'd sold them." He had been paid, but he still +wanted more, like the stomach, which goes on digesting after death. +That was Eilert. Yet he was not too bad; he had never been any +better, and he certainly had grown no worse with his new +livelihood.</p> + +<p>May no one ever grow worse with a new livelihood!</p> + +<p>So I moved the knapsack and the clothes into my own room in +order to take better care of them. It was a slow job to tidy +everything up for the second time, but it had to be done. Later +that evening I would resume my journey, taking the knapsack with +me. I had done with the place, and the nights were moonlit +again.</p> + +<p>Enough of these clothes!</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXX</h2> + +<p>Once again I am at an age when I walk in the moonlight. Thirty +years ago I walked in the moonlight, too, walked on crackling, +snowy roads, on bare, frozen ground, round unlocked barns, on the +hunt for love. How well I remember it! But it is no longer the same +moonlight. I could even read by it the letter she gave me. But +there are no such letters any more.</p> + +<p>Everything is changed. The tale is told, and tonight I walk +abroad on an errand of the head, not of the heart: I shall go +across to the trading center and dispatch a knapsack by the +steamer; after that I shall wander on. And that requires nothing +but a little ordinary training in walking, and the light of the +moon to see by. But in those old days, those young days, we studied +the almanac in the autumn to find out if there would be a moon on +Twelfth Night, for we could use it then.</p> + +<p>Everything is changed; I am changed. The tale lies within the +teller.</p> + +<p>They say that old age has other pleasures which youth has not: +deeper pleasures, more lasting pleasures. That is a lie. Yes, you +have read right: that is a lie. Only old age itself says this, in a +self-interest that flaunts its very rags. The old man has forgotten +when he stood on the summit, forgotten his own self, his own +<em>alias</em>, red and white, blowing a golden horn. Now he stands +no longer--no, he sits--it is less of a strain to sit. But now +there comes to him, slow and halting, fat and stupid, the honor of +old age. What can a sitting man do with honor? A man on his feet +can use it; to a sitting man it is only a possession. But honor is +meant to be used, not to be sat with.</p> + +<p>Let sitting men wear warm stockings.</p> + +<hr> +<p>What a coincidence: another barn on my road, just as in the days +of the golden horn! It offers me plenty of straw and shelter for +the night; but where is the girl who gave me the letter? How warm +her breath was, coming between lips a little parted! She will come +again, of course; let us wait, we have plenty of time, another +twenty years--oh, yes, she will come....</p> + +<p>I must be on my guard against such traps. I have entered upon +the honorable years; I am weak and quite capable of believing that +a barn is a gift from above: thou well-deserving old man, here is a +barn for thee!</p> + +<p>No, thank you, I'm only just in my seventies.</p> + +<p>And so in my errand of the head I pass by the barn.</p> + +<p>Toward morning I find shelter under a projecting crag. It is +fitting that I should live under crags hereafter, and I lie down in +a huddle, small and invisible. Anything else you please, as long as +you don't flaunt your selfishness and your rags!</p> + +<p>I am comfortable now, lying with my head on another person's +knapsack full of used clothes; I am doing this solely because it is +just the right size. But sleep will not come; there are only +thoughts and dreams and lines of poetry and sentimentality. The +sack smells human, and I fling it away, laying my head on my arm. +My arm smells of wood--not even wood.</p> + +<p>But the slip of paper with the address--have I got the address? +And I scratch a match to read it through and know it by heart +tomorrow. Just a line in pencil, nothing; but perhaps there is a +softness in the letters, a womanliness--I don't know.</p> + +<p>It doesn't matter.</p> + +<p>I manage to reach the trading center at midday, when everyone is +up and about, and the post office open. They give me a large sheet +of wrapping paper and string and sealing wax; I wrap the parcel and +seal it and write on the outside. There!</p> + +<p>Oh--I forgot the slip of paper with the address--to put it +inside, I mean. Stupid! But otherwise I have done what I should. As +I continue on my way, I feel strangely void and deserted; no doubt +because the knapsack was quite heavy after all, and now I am well +rid of it. "The last pleasure!" I think suddenly. And as I walk on +I think irrelevantly: "The last country, the last island, the last +pleasure...."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXI</h2> + +<p>What now?</p> + +<p>I didn't know at first. The winter stood before me, my summer +behind me-- no task, no yearning, no ambition. As it made no +difference where I stayed, I remembered a town I knew, and thought +I might as well go there-- why not? A man cannot forever sit by the +sea, and it is not necessary to misunderstand him if he decides to +leave it. So he leaves his solitude-- others have done so before +him--and a mild curiosity drives him to see the ships and the +horses and the tiny frostbitten gardens of a certain town. When he +arrives there, he begins to wonder in his idleness if he does not +know someone in this town, in this terrifyingly large town. The +moonlight is bright now, and it amuses him to give himself a +certain address to visit evening after evening, and to take up his +post there as though something depended on it. He is not expected +anywhere else, so he has the time. Then one evening someone finds +him reading under a lamppost, stops suddenly and stares, takes a +few steps toward him, and bends forward searchingly.</p> + +<p>"Isn't it--? Oh, no, excuse me, I thought--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is. Good evening, Miss Torsen."</p> + +<p>"Why, good evening. I thought it looked like you. Good evening. +Yes, thank you, very well. And thanks for the knapsack; I +understood all at once--I quite understand--"</p> + +<p>"Do you live here? What a strange coincidence!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I live here; those are my windows. You wouldn't like to +come up, would you? No, perhaps you wouldn't."</p> + +<p>"But I know where there are some benches down by the shore. +Unless you're cold?" I suggested.</p> + +<p>"No, I'm not cold. Yes, thank you, I'd like to."</p> + +<p>We went down to a bench, looking like a father and daughter out +walking. There was nothing striking about us, and we sat the whole +evening undisturbed. Later we sat undisturbed on other evenings all +through a cold autumn month.</p> + +<p>Then she told me first the short chapter of her journey home, +some of it only hinted, suggested, and some of it in full; +sometimes with her head deeply bowed, sometimes, when I asked a +question, replying by a brief word or a shake of the head. I write +it down from memory; it was important to her, and it became +important for others as well.</p> + +<p>Besides--in a hundred years it will all be forgotten. Why do we +struggle? In a hundred years someone will read about it in memoirs +and letters and think: "How she wriggled, how she fussed--dear me!" +There are others about whom nothing at all will be written or read; +life will close over them like a grave. Either way...</p> + +<p>What sorrows she had--dear, dear, what sorrows! The day she had +been unable to pay the bill, she thought herself the center of the +universe; everybody stared at her, and she was at her wits' end. +Then she heard a man's voice outside saying: "Haven't you watered +Blakka yet?" That was <em>his</em> preoccupation. So she was not +the center of the universe after all.</p> + +<p>Then she and her companion had left the house, and set out on +their tour. The center? Not at all. Day after day they walked +across fields, and through valleys, had meals in houses by the way, +and water from the brooks. If they met other travelers, they +greeted them, or they did not greet them; no one was less a center +of attention than they, and no one more. Her companion walked in +vacant thoughtlessness, whistling as he went.</p> + +<p>At one place they stopped for food.</p> + +<p>"Will you pay for mine for the time being?" he said.</p> + +<p>She hesitated and then said briefly that she could not pay "for +the time being" all the way.</p> + +<p>"Of course not, by no means," said he. "Just for the moment. +Perhaps we can get a loan further down the valley."</p> + +<p>"I don't borrow."</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg!" said he, pretending playfully to whimper.</p> + +<p>"What is it?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing. Can't I say 'Ingeborg' to my own wife?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not your own wife," she said, getting up.</p> + +<p>"Pish! We were man and wife last night. It says so in the +visitors' book."</p> + +<p>She was silent at this. Yes, last night they had been man and +wife; that was to save getting two rooms, and travel economically. +But she had been very foolish to agree to it.</p> + +<p>"'Miss Torsen,' then?" he whimpered.</p> + +<p>And to put an end to the game, she paid for both of them and +took her knapsack on her back.</p> + +<p>They walked again. At the next stop she paid for them both +without discussion--for the evening meal, for bed and breakfast. It +grew to be a habit. They walked on once more. They reached the end +of the valley by the sea, and here she revolted again.</p> + +<p>"Go away--go on by yourself; I don't want you in my room any +more!"</p> + +<p>The old argument no longer held good. When he repeated that they +saved money by it, she replied that she for her part required no +more than one room, and was quite able to pay for it. He joked +again, whimpered, "Ingeborg!" and left her. He was beaten, and his +back was bent.</p> + +<p>She ate alone that evening.</p> + +<p>"Isn't your husband coming in?" asked the woman of the +house.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he doesn't want anything," she replied.</p> + +<p>There he stood, away by the tiny barn pretending to be +interested in the roof, in the style of building, and walked round +looking at it, pursing his lips and whistling. But she could see +perfectly well from the window that his face was blue and dejected. +When she had eaten, she walked down to the shore, calling as she +passed him:</p> + +<p>"Go in and eat!"</p> + +<p>But he had not sunk quite so low; he would not go in to eat, and +slept under no roof that night.</p> + +<p>It ended as such things usually end: when she found him at last +next morning, regretting her action and shaken by his appearance, +everything slipped back again to where it had been.</p> + +<p>They stopped at this place a few days, waiting for the mail +boat, when one evening an elderly man came to the house. She knew +him, and he knew them both; she was thrown into a state of the +greatest excitement, made ready to leave at once, wept and beat her +breast, and wanted to go home, immediately, at once. It ended as +such things usually end: when she had calmed down, she went to bed +for the night. She was not the center of the universe, and the old +acquaintance who had happened to pass that way did not appear to be +looking only at her. Nevertheless, she staged a sort of flight +early next morning, in the gray dawn, before other people were up. +This much she did.</p> + +<p>Aboard the mail boat she met no more acquaintances, and had +leisure to think things over calmly. She now broke with her +companion in earnest. She had a minor disagreement with him again, +for he had no ticket, and one word gave rise to the next. It was +all very well for her, he said; she had her return ticket in her +pocket. Besides, had he not got himself involved in all these +trials and tribulations because of her letter last summer, and was +she not ashamed of herself? He would not have moved a foot outside +the town had it not been for that letter of hers. Then she gave him +her purse and all her money and asked him to leave her. There was +probably enough to buy him a ticket, and now she would be rid of +him.</p> + +<p>"Of course I shouldn't accept this, but there's no other way," +he said, and left her.</p> + +<p>She stood gazing across the water, and wondering what to do. She +was in a bad way now, so very different from what she had once +thought; what shame, what utter futility she had wandered into! She +brooded till she was worn out; then she began to listen to what +people about her were saying. Two men were huddled on benches +trying to shelter from the wind; she heard one of them say he was a +schoolmaster, and the other that he was an artisan. The +schoolmaster did not remain seated long, but got up and swaggered +toward her. She passed him in silence and took his place on the +bench.</p> + +<p>It was a raw autumn day, and it did her good to get out of the +wind. The artisan probably thought this tall, well-dressed lady had +a berth, but when she sat down, he moved over on his own bench. He +was on the point of lighting his pipe, but stopped.</p> + +<p>"Go on, don't mind me," she said.</p> + +<p>So he lit it, but he was careful not to blow the smoke into her +face.</p> + +<p>He was only a youngster, a little over twenty, with thick +reddish hair under his cap, and whitish eyebrows high up on his +forehead. His chest was broad and flat, but his back was round and +his hands massive. A great horse.</p> + +<p>Then a tray was brought him, sandwiches and coffee, which he had +evidently been waiting for; he paid, but went on smoking and let +the food stand.</p> + +<p>"Please eat," she said. "You don't mind my sitting here?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," he replied. He knocked out his pipe slowly, taking +plenty of time over it; then sat still again.</p> + +<p>"I don't really need anything to eat yet, either," he said.</p> + +<p>"Oh--haven't you come far?"</p> + +<p>"No, only last night. Where do you come from, lady?"</p> + +<p>"From the town. I've been on holiday."</p> + +<p>"That's what I thought," he said, nodding his head.</p> + +<p>"I've been up at the Tore Peak farm," she added.</p> + +<p>"The Tore Peak? So."</p> + +<p>"Do you know it?"</p> + +<p>"No, but I know some of the people there."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"Josephine's there," he resumed.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Do you know her?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no."</p> + +<p>They talked a little more. The boat sailed on, and they sat +there talking; it was all they had to do. She asked where he came +from and what his trade was, and it seemed he was nothing +important, only a paltry carpenter, and his mother had a small +farm. Would the lady like a simple cup of coffee?</p> + +<p>"Why, yes, thank you." Could she have a little of his, "just a +little in the saucer?"</p> + +<p>She poured some of the coffee into the saucer and asked for a +bite of food as well. Never had food tasted so good, and when she +had finished, she thanked him for that, too.</p> + +<p>"Haven't you a berth?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, but I'd rather stay here," she said. "If I go below, I'll +be sick."</p> + +<p>"That's what I thought. Well, now I wonder--"</p> + +<p>With that he got up and walked slowly and heavily away. She +watched his back disappearing down the companion to the lower +deck.</p> + +<p>She waited for him a long time, fearing that someone else might +come and take his place. Coffee from the saucer, a good-sized +sandwich with the carpenter: nothing wily or unnatural about that; +this sheltered corner seemed to her like a tiny foothold in +life.</p> + +<p>There he was, coming back with more food and coffee, a whole +tray in his big hands. He laughed good-naturedly at himself for +walking so carefully.</p> + +<p>She threw up her hands and overdid things a little:</p> + +<p>"Great heavens! Really, you're much, much too kind!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I thought since you were sitting here anyhow--"</p> + +<p>They both ate; she grew warm and sleepy, and leaned back +half-dozing. Every time she opened her eyes, she saw the carpenter +lighting his pipe; he struck two or three matches at once, but he +was in no hurry; they were always half burned before he put his +pipe in his mouth and began to suck at it. The schoolmaster called +something to him, drew his attention to something far inland, but +the carpenter merely nodded and said nothing.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if he's afraid he'll wake me," she thought.</p> + +<p>At one stop, her former traveling companion turned up again; he +had been below in the cabin.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you coming down, Ingeborg?" he asked.</p> + +<p>She did not reply.</p> + +<p>The carpenter looked from one to the other.</p> + +<p>"Miss Torsen, then!" whimpered the traveling companion +playfully. He stood waiting a moment, and finally went away.</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg," the carpenter was probably thinking. "Miss Torsen," +he was thinking.</p> + +<p>"How long will you be in the town?" she asked, getting up.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'll be there some time."</p> + +<p>"What are you doing there?"</p> + +<p>He was a little embarrassed, and since his skin was so fair, she +could see at once that he reddened. He bent forward, planting his +elbows on his knees before he replied.</p> + +<p>"I want to learn a little more in my trade, be an apprentice, +maybe. It all depends."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I see."</p> + +<p>"What do you think of it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I think it's a good idea."</p> + +<p>"Do you?"</p> + +<p>They were on deck nearly the whole of the day, but toward +evening it turned bitter cold and windy. When she had grown stiff +with sitting, she got up and stamped her feet, and when she had +stamped till she was tired, she sat down again. Once when she was +standing a little distance away, she saw the carpenter place a +parcel on the bench as though to keep her seat for her.</p> + +<p>Her quondam traveling companion stuck his head out of a doorway, +the wind blowing his hair forward over his forehead, and cried:</p> + +<p>"Ingeborg, go below, will you!"</p> + +<p>"Oh," she groaned. Suddenly she was seized with fury. The ship +heeled over on its side as she walked toward him, and she had to +take a few skips to keep her balance.</p> + +<p>"I don't want you to talk to me again," she hissed at him. "Do +you hear? I mean it, by all that's holy!"</p> + +<p>"Good gracious!" he exclaimed and disappeared.</p> + +<p>At about three o'clock, the carpenter turned up with coffee and +sandwiches again.</p> + +<p>"Really you mustn't be doing this all the time," she said.</p> + +<p>He merely laughed good-naturedly again, and told her to eat if +she thought it was good enough.</p> + +<p>"We'll soon be there now," she said as she ate. "Have you +someone to go to?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, I have a sister."</p> + +<p>Slowly and thoughtfully he took another sandwich and turned it +over, looking at it absently before he took a bite out of it. When +he had finished one mouthful, he took another. And when he had +finished that one, too, he said:</p> + +<p>"I thought that as I'm going to stay in town over the winter, +I'd better learn something. And what with the farm as well--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed."</p> + +<p>"You think so too?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes. I think so."</p> + +<p>Why did he tell her about his private affairs? She had private +affairs of her own. She thanked him for the sandwiches and got +up.</p> + +<p>As the boat drew alongside the pier, he offered her his hand and +said:</p> + +<p>"My name is Nikolai."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes?"</p> + +<p>"I thought in case we meet again--Nikolai Palm--but I expect the +town's too big--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I expect it is. Well, thanks ever so much for all your +kindness. Good-bye."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXII</h2> + +<p>I ask Miss Torsen:</p> + +<p>"Have you met the carpenter since?"</p> + +<p>"What carpenter? Oh--no, I haven't. I only told you about him +because he's a sort of mutual acquaintance."</p> + +<p>"Acquaintance?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of yours and mine. Only indirectly, of course. He happens +to be the brother of that schoolmistress Miss Palm that was at the +Tore Peak farm last summer."</p> + +<p>"Well, the world's a small place. We all belong to the same +family."</p> + +<p>"And that's why I've told you all this about him."</p> + +<p>"But you didn't find out about this relationship on the boat, +did you? So you must have met him since."</p> + +<p>"Yes,--well, no, that is to say I've seen him a few times, but +not to speak to. We just said good morning and how are you and so +on. Then he said he was her brother."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"It was just in passing, quite by accident."</p> + +<p>This gave me a good opportunity for saying: "What a lot of +things are accidental! It was an accident that I should have +stopped under a particular lamppost to look up something, to read a +few lines. And then you happened to live there."</p> + +<p>"That's right."</p> + +<p>"I expect you and the carpenter will be getting married," I +said.</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha! No, indeed, I shan't marry anyone."</p> + +<p>"No?"</p> + +<p>"You have to be pretty naïve to marry."</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know that being naïve does any harm--being not +quite so clever. Where does your cleverness lead you? Only to being +cheated. Because there isn't anybody who's quite clever +enough."</p> + +<p>"I should have thought being clever is just the thing to protect +you against being cheated. What else would it do?"</p> + +<p>"Exactly. What else? But the trouble is we trust our cleverness +so much that we get cheated that way. Or else we let things go from +bad to worse, because why should we worry? After all we've got our +cleverness to help get us out of the mess!"</p> + +<p>"Well, in that case it's pretty hopeless!"</p> + +<p>"Relying on your cleverness--yes. That was your own opinion last +summer, you know."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I remember that. I thought--oh, I don't know. But when I +came back to town again it was as though--"</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"I don't know what to think," she said.</p> + +<p>"And I do because I'm old and wise. You see, Miss Torsen, in the +old days people didn't think so much about cleverness and secondary +schools and the right to vote; they lived their lives on a +different plane, they were naïve. I wonder if that wasn't a pretty +good way to live. Of course people were cheated in those days, too, +but they didn't smart under it so; they bore it with greater +natural strength. We have lost our healthy powers of +endurance."</p> + +<p>"It's getting cold," she said. "Shall we go home?--Yes, of +course that's all quite true, but we're living in modern times. We +can't change the times; I can't, at any rate; I've got to keep up +with the times."</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's what it says in the Oslo morning paper. Because it +used to say so in the <em>Neue Freie Presse</em>. But a person with +character goes his own way up to a point, even if the majority go a +different way."</p> + +<p>"Yes--well, I'm really going to tell you something now," she +said, stopping. "I go to a really sensible school during the +day."</p> + +<p>"Do you?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Only this time I'm learning housekeeping; isn't that a good +thing?"</p> + +<p>"You mean you're learning to cut sandwiches for yourself?"</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"Well, you said you weren't going to marry!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know."</p> + +<p>"Very well. You marry; you settle down in his valley. But first +you have to learn housekeeping so that you can make an omelette or +possibly a pudding for tourists or Englishmen that pass +through."</p> + +<p>"His valley? Whose valley?"</p> + +<p>"You'd much better go to his mother's and learn all the +housekeeping you're going to need from her."</p> + +<p>"Really, really," she said smiling as she walked on again, +"you're quite on the wrong track. It isn't he--it isn't +anybody."</p> + +<p>"So much the worse for you. There ought to be somebody."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but suppose it's not the one I want."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, it will be the one you want. You're big enough and +handsome enough and capable enough."</p> + +<p>"Thank you very much, but--well. Thanks so much. Good +night."</p> + +<p>Why did she break off so suddenly and leave me so hurriedly, +almost at a run? Was she crying? I should have liked to have said +more, to have been wise and circumstantial and made useful +suggestions, but I was left standing in a kind of stupid +surprise.</p> + +<p>Then something happened.</p> + +<p>"We haven't seen each other for such a long time," she said, the +next time we met. "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we take a +short walk? I was just--"</p> + +<p>"Going to post a letter, I see."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I was going to post a letter. It's only--it's not--"</p> + +<p>We went to a newspaper office with the letter. It was evidently +an advertisement; perhaps she was trying to find a situation.</p> + +<p>As she came out of the office a gentleman greeted her. She +turned a deep red, and stopped for a moment at the top of the two +stone steps leading from the entrance. Her head was bent almost to +her chest, as though she were looking very carefully at the steps +before venturing to come down them. They greeted each other again; +the stranger shook her hand, and they began to talk.</p> + +<p>He was a man of her own age, good-looking, with a soft, fair +beard, and dark eyebrows that looked as though he had blacked them. +He wore a top hat, and his overcoat, which was open, was lined with +silk.</p> + +<p>I heard them mention an evening of the previous week on which +they had enjoyed themselves; it had been a relaxation. There had +been quite a party, first out driving, then at supper together. It +was a memory they had in common. Miss Torsen didn't say much. She +seemed a little embarrassed, but smiling and beautiful. I began to +look at the illustrated papers displayed in the window, when +suddenly the thought struck me: "Good God, she's in love!"</p> + +<p>"Look, I have a suggestion," he said. Then they discussed +something, agreed about something, and she nodded. After that he +left her.</p> + +<p>She came toward me slowly and in silence. I spoke to her about +some of the pictures in the window. "Yes," she said, "just think!" +But she gazed at them without seeing anything. Silently we walked +on, and for several minutes, at least, she said nothing.</p> + +<p>"Hans Flaten never changes," she said finally.</p> + +<p>"Is that who it was?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"His name's Flaten."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I remember you mentioned the name last summer. Who is +he?"</p> + +<p>"His father's a merchant."</p> + +<p>"But he himself?"</p> + +<p>"His father owns the big shop in Almes Street, you know."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but what about <em>him</em>; what does he do?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know if he does anything special; he just studies. His +father's so rich, you know."</p> + +<p>I recalled old Flaten's shop in Almes Street, a good, solid +countryman's shop; in the mornings the yard was always full of +horses, while the owners were busy making purchases in the +shop.</p> + +<p>"He's such a man of the world," she went on. "He simply throws +money about--banknotes. When he goes anywhere, the people all +whisper, 'That's Flaten!'"</p> + +<p>"He dresses as though he were a baron," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied, rather offended. "Yes, he dresses +well--always has."</p> + +<p>"Is that the man you want?" I asked lightly.</p> + +<p>She was silent a moment, and then said with a resolute nod:</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"What--that dandy?"</p> + +<p>"Why not? We're old friends, we've gone to school together, +spent a lot of time together. It's really based on a firm +foundation. He's the only man I've ever been in love with in all my +life, and it's lasted many years. Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget +him, but the moment I see him again, I'm as much in love as ever. +I've told him so, and we both laugh about it, but that doesn't +change it. It's queer."</p> + +<p>"Then I suppose he's too rich to marry her," I thought, and +asked nothing more.</p> + +<p>When we parted, I said:</p> + +<p>"Where does Carpenter Nikolai work?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," she replied. "Oh, yes, I do know. We're near +there, and I can show you if you like. What do you want to see him +for?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing. I just wondered if he's at a good place, with a +competent master."</p> + +<hr> +<p>Why did I, indeed, want to see Carpenter Nikolai, the artisan? +Yet I have visited him and made his acquaintance. He is a bull in +stature, strong and plain-featured, a man of few words. Last +Saturday we saw the town together; why, I don't know, but I +suggested it myself.</p> + +<p>I made friends with the carpenter for my own sake, because of my +loneliness. I no longer went to the benches by the shore, as the +weather was a little too cold, and Miss Torsen interested me very +little now; she had changed so much since returning to the town. +She had become more the ordinary type of girl, not in any one +thing, but in general. She thought of nothing but vanities and +nonsense, and seemed quite to have forgotten her last summer's +wholesome, bitter view of life. Now she was back at school again, +in her leisure hours meeting the gentleman named Flaten, and this +occupied all of her time. Either she had no depths, or she had been +vitiated in the vital years of adolescence.</p> + +<p>"What do you expect me to do?" she asked. "Of course I'm going +to school again; I've been going to school ever since I was a +child. I'm no good at anything else. I can only learn--that's what +I'm used to. There isn't much I can think or do on my own, and I +don't enjoy it either. So what do you expect?"</p> + +<p>No, what could I expect?</p> + +<p>Carpenter Nikolai went to the circus. He was not much surprised +at anything he saw there, or he pretended not to be. The acrobatics +on horseback--"Well, not bad, but after all--!" The tiger--"I +thought tigers were much bigger!" Besides, his big, heavy head +seemed preoccupied with other thoughts, and he paid little +attention to the women riders who were doing their tricks.</p> + +<p>On the way home he said:</p> + +<p>"I ought not to ask you, I expect, but would you go to the +<em>Krone</em> with me tomorrow evening?"</p> + +<p>"The <em>Krone</em>--what's that?"</p> + +<p>"It's a place where they dance."</p> + +<p>"A dance hall, in other words. Where is it? Do you feel so much +like dancing?"</p> + +<p>"No, not much."</p> + +<p>"You want to see what goes on there?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"All right, I'll go."</p> + +<hr> +<p>It was on a Sunday evening, the girls' and boys' own evening, +that the carpenter and I went to the dance.</p> + +<p>He had decked himself out in a starched collar and a heavy watch +chain. But he was very young, and when you are young, you look well +in anything. He had such remarkable strength that it was never +necessary for him to give way; this had lent him assurance and +authority. If you spoke to him, he was slow to reply, and if you +slapped him on the shoulder, he was slow in turning round to see +who had greeted him. He was a pleasant, good-humored companion.</p> + +<p>We went to the booking office; there was no one there, and the +window was closed. Moreover a notice on the wall announced that the +hall was let to a private club for the first two hours of the +evening.</p> + +<p>A few young people came along as we were standing there, read +the notice, and went away again. The carpenter was unwilling to go, +looked round, and went in through the gate as though looking for +someone.</p> + +<p>"We can't do anything about it," I called after him.</p> + +<p>"No," he said. "But I wonder--?"</p> + +<p>He crossed the yard and began to look up at all the windows.</p> + +<p>A man came down the stairs.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"My friend wanted to buy a ticket," I replied. The carpenter +still showed no inclination to return from the yard.</p> + +<p>The man approached me, and proved to be the landlord. He +explained, like the notice, that a club had rented the hall for the +first two hours.</p> + +<p>"Come along, we can't get in!" I called to my companion.</p> + +<p>But he was in no hurry, so I chatted with the landlord while +waiting for him.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it's rather an exclusive club. Only eight couples, but +just the same they've hired a full orchestra--rich people, you +see."</p> + +<p>They had refreshments and plenty of champagne, and then they +danced as though their lives depended on it. Why they did it? Oh, +well, young people, rich and fashionable, bored by Sunday evening +at home; they wanted to work off the week's idleness in two hours, +so they danced. Not unusual, really.</p> + +<p>"And of course," said the landlord, "I earn more in those two +hours than in the whole of the evening otherwise. Liberal +people--they don't count the pennies. And yet there's no wear and +tear, because of course people like that don't dance on their +heels."</p> + +<p>The carpenter, who had come halfway back, stood listening to +us.</p> + +<p>"What sort of people are they, generally speaking?" I inquired. +"Businessmen, officers, or what?"</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, but I can't tell you that," replied the landlord. +"It's a private party; that's all I can say. To-night, for +instance, I don't even know who they are. The money just came by +special messenger."</p> + +<p>"It's Flaten," said the carpenter.</p> + +<p>"Flaten--is it?" said the landlord, as though he did not know +it. "Mr. Flaten has been here before; he's a fine gentleman, always +in fashionable company. So it's Mr. Flaten, is it? Well, excuse me, +I must have another look round the hall--"</p> + +<p>The landlord left us.</p> + +<p>But the carpenter followed him.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't we look on?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"What, at the dancing? Oh, no."</p> + +<p>"In a corner somewhere?"</p> + +<p>"No, I couldn't allow that. I don't even let my own wife and +daughter in-- nobody, not a soul. They wouldn't like it."</p> + +<p>"Are you coming or--?" I called, as though for the last +time.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I'm coming," said the carpenter, turning back.</p> + +<p>"So you knew about this party?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he replied. "She talked about it last Friday."</p> + +<p>"Who talked about it? Miss Torsen?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. She said I might sit in the gallery."</p> + +<p>We walked on down the street, each busy with his own +thoughts--or perhaps with the same thought. I, at least, was +furious.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"Really, my good Nikolai, I have no desire to +buy<br> + tickets in order to look at Mr. Flaten and his ladies!"<br> +</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Curious idea of hers, inviting this man to watch her dance. It +was preposterous, but like her. Last summer, too--did she not like +a third party within hearing whenever she sailed close to the wind? +A thought struck me, and I asked the carpenter as calmly as I +could:</p> + +<p>"Did Miss Torsen want me to sit in the gallery, too--did she say +anything about that?"</p> + +<p>"No," he replied.</p> + +<p>"Didn't she say anything about me?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"You're lying," I thought, "and I daresay she's told you to +lie!" I was highly incensed, but I could not squeeze the truth out +of the carpenter.</p> + +<p>Cars rolled up behind us and stopped at the <em>Krone</em>. +Nikolai turned and wanted to go back, but when he saw that I kept +straight on, he hesitated a moment and then followed me. I heard +him once sighing heavily.</p> + +<p>We strolled the streets for an hour, while I cooled off and made +myself agreeable to my companion again. We had a glass of beer +together, then went to a cinema, and afterward to a shooting +gallery. Finally we went to a skittle ground, where we stayed for +some time. Nikolai was the first to want to leave; he looked at his +watch, and was suddenly in a tearing hurry. He was hardly even +willing to finish the game.</p> + +<p>We had to pass the <em>Krone</em> again. The cars had gone.</p> + +<p>"Just as I thought," said the carpenter, looking very +disappointed. I believe he would have liked to be present when the +party came out to enter their cars. He looked up and down the empty +street and repeated, "Just as I thought!" He was suddenly anxious +to go home.</p> + +<p>"No, let's go inside," I said.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It was a big, handsome hall with a platform for the orchestra, +and a throng of people on the great floor. We sat in the gallery +looking on.</p> + +<p>There was a very mixed crowd: seamen, artisans, hotel staff, +shop assistants, casual workers; the ladies were apparently +seamstresses, servant girls, and shopgirls, with a sprinkling of +light-footed damsels who had no daytime occupation. The floor was +crowded with dancers. In addition to a constable whose duty it was +to intervene if necessity arose, the establishment had its own +commissionaire, who walked about the hall with a stick, keeping an +eye on the assembled company. As soon as a dance was finished, the +gentlemen all crowded to the platform and paid ten <em>öre</em>. If +anyone seemed to be trying to cheat, the commissionaire would tap +him politely on the arm with his stick. Gentlemen who had to be +tapped many times were regarded as suspicious characters, and +might, as a last resource, even be expelled. Order was admirably +maintained.</p> + +<p>Waltz, mazurka, schottische, square dance, waltz. I soon noticed +a man who was dancing with great assiduity, never stopping +once--tall, swarthy, lively--a heartbreaker. The ladies clustered +round him.</p> + +<p>"Can that be Solem down there dominating the crowd?" I +thought.</p> + +<p>"Wouldn't you like to dance?" I asked Carpenter Nikolai.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," he replied with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Then we can leave any time you like."</p> + +<p>"All right," he said and remained seated.</p> + +<p>"Your thoughts seem to be far away."</p> + +<p>A long pause.</p> + +<p>"I was thinking that I haven't a horse on my farm. I have to +carry all the manure and the wood myself."</p> + +<p>"So that's why you're so strong."</p> + +<p>"I'll have to go home in a few days and chop wood for the +winter."</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course you will."</p> + +<p>"I was going to say--," he persisted, and then fell silent.</p> + +<p>"Yes?"</p> + +<p>"No, it's no use suggesting it. I'd have liked you to come with +me this winter, though--I've got a small spare room."</p> + +<p>"Why should I go there?" Still--it wasn't a bad idea.</p> + +<p>"It would be nice if you could," said the carpenter.</p> + +<p>Just then I heard the name of Solem mentioned in the hall. Yes, +there he was, swaggering as usual, the self-same Solem from Tore +Peak. He was standing alone, in high spirits, announcing that he +was Solem--"Solem, my lad." He appeared not to be in the company of +any one lady, for I saw him choosing partners indiscriminately. +Then he chose the wrong lady, and her partner shook his head and +said no. Solem remembered that. He allowed the couple to dance the +next dance, and when it was finished, approached again and bowed to +the lady. Once more he was refused.</p> + +<p>The lady's appearance was striking--sophisticated or innocent, +who could tell? Ash-blonde, tall, Grecian, in a black frock without +trimming. How quiet and retiring she was! Of course she was a tart, +but what a gentle one--a nun of vice, with a face as pure as that +of a repentant sinner. Peerless!</p> + +<p>This was a woman for Solem.</p> + +<p>It was after he had received his second "No" from the gentleman +that he began to talk, to tell everyone that he was "Solem, my +lad." But his boasts were dull: Something was going to happen; he +would show them an image of sin! There was no sting in it; just +old, familiar rubbish these people had heard before. The +commissionaire crossed over to him and asked him to be quiet, +pointing at the same time to the constable by the door. This +pouring of oil on the waters was successful, for Solem himself +said: "Hush, we mustn't make trouble." But he did not lose sight of +the Grecian and her partner.</p> + +<p>He allowed a few dances to pass again, himself engaging other +partners to dance with. There was now a huge crowd, all the +late-comers having by this time arrived. Many were crowded off the +floor and had to wait, rushing to get first place in the next dance +instead.</p> + +<p>Then something happened.</p> + +<p>A couple slipped and fell. It was Solem and his partner. As he +was getting up again, he tripped up another couple--the Grecian and +her partner, both of whom fell down. And Solem was so strangely +clumsy as he rose that his long arms and legs brought down a third +couple. In a few minutes there was a squirming heap on the floor; +screams and oaths were heard, people grew angry and kicked one +another, while Solem skillfully directed the disaster with sincere +and wholehearted malevolence. Couple after couple met their +Waterloo over those already fallen. The commissionaire poked them +with his stick, exhorting them to get up; the constable himself +assisted him, and the music stopped. In the meantime, Solem, acting +with the better part of valor, slipped out of the room and did not +return.</p> + +<p>Gradually the fallen couples got to their feet again, rubbing +their shins, dusting off their clothes, some laughing, others +swearing. The Grecian lady's partner had a bleeding wound on his +temple, and put his hands to his head in a daze. Questions were +being asked about that--what was his name?--that tall fellow who +had started all the trouble. "Solem," said some of the ladies. +Threats were uttered against Solem: he was the one. "Go and find +him, somebody--we'll show him!"--"Why, he couldn't help it," said +the ladies.</p> + +<p>Ah, Solem, Solem--how the ladies loved him!</p> + +<p>But the Grecian rose from the dust as from a bath. The sand from +the floor clung to her black dress, making it look as though +spangled with stardust. Submissively she accepted the lot of lying +under all the others, entwined in their legs, and smiled when +someone pointed out to her that the comb in her Grecian knot was +crushed.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXIII</h2> + +<p>Today, the first of October forty years ago, we drove the +snowplow at home. Yes, I regret to say that I remember forty years +ago.</p> + +<p>Nothing escapes my attention yet, but everything moves past me. +I sit in the gallery looking on. If Nikolai the carpenter had been +observant, he would have seen my fingers closing and opening again, +my absurdity augmented by affectation and grimacing. Fortunately he +was a child. In the end I left it all behind me, and took my proper +seat. My address is the chimney corner.</p> + +<p>Now it is winter again, with snow over the north, and +Anglo-Saxon claptrap in the town. This is my desolate period; my +wheels stop, my hair stops growing, my nails stop growing, +everything stops growing but the days of my life. And it is well +that my days increase--from now on it is well.</p> + +<p>Not much happens during the winter. Well, of course, Nikolai has +got an overcoat for the first time in his life. He didn't really +need it, he says, but he bought it because of the advertisement; +and it was dear, twenty <em>kroner</em>, but he got it for +eighteen! I am sure Nikolai is much happier about his overcoat than +Flaten is about his.</p> + +<p>But let me not forget Flaten, for something has happened to him. +His friends have given him a farewell party and drunk him out of +bachelordom, for he is going to marry. It is Miss Torsen who told +me this; I met her by accident again under her own lamppost, and +she told me then.</p> + +<p>"And you're not wearing mourning?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," she said, smiling. "No, it's something I've known a +long time. Besides, perhaps I'm not very faithful; I don't +know."</p> + +<p>"I think you've hit the truth there."</p> + +<p>She looked startled.</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"I think you've changed very much since last summer. You were +straight and competent then, you saw clearly, you knew what you +wanted. What's happened to your tinge of bitterness? Or have you no +longer reason to be bitter?"</p> + +<p>This was all too gravely spoken, but I was like a father and +meant well.</p> + +<p>She began to walk on, her head bent in thought. Then she said +something very sensible:</p> + +<p>"Last summer I had just lost my livelihood. I'm telling you +things exactly as they were. I lost my post, which was a very +serious matter. This made me reflect for a time; that's true. But +then--I don't know--I'm quite adult, but not adult enough. I have +two sisters who are really steady; they're married and quite +settled, though they're younger than I. I don't know what's wrong +with me."</p> + +<p>"Would you like to go to a concert with me?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Now? No, thank you, I'm not dressed for it."</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"But it's kind of you to ask me!" she said with sudden pleasure. +"It might have been very nice, but--well, you must let me tell you +about the dinner party, the banquet; what a lot of pranks they +thought of!"</p> + +<p>She was right about that; these jolly young people had played a +great many pranks, some of them childish and stupid, others not too +bad. First they had drunk wine of the vintage of 1812. No, first of +all, Flaten was sent an invitation, of course, and it consisted of +a painting, a very emancipated painting in a frame, the only +written words being the date and the place, and the legend: +<em>Ballads, Bachiads, Offenbachiads, Bacchanales</em>. Then there +were speeches for him who was about to leave them, and generally +speaking a most deafening shouting over the wineglasses. And there +was music, with someone of the company playing all the time.</p> + +<p>But as the evening wore on, this sort of thing was not enough, +and girls with their faces masked were brought in to dance. As +there had been a great deal of champagne, however, this part of the +program tended to deteriorate into something different, and the +girls had to be sent away. Then the gentlemen went down to the +hotel lobby and stood at the door watching for "opportunities."</p> + +<p>There--a young woman approached carrying a baby and a bundle of +clothes. Great, wet flakes of snow were drifting down, and she bent +forward over the child to shelter it as she walked.</p> + +<p>"Whoa!" said the gentleman and caught hold of her. "Is that your +child!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he's mine."</p> + +<p>"What, a boy?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>They talked more with her; she was thin and young, evidently a +servant girl. They also looked at the child, and Helgesen and Lind, +who were both short-sighted, polished their glasses and inspected +it carefully.</p> + +<p>"Are you going off to drown the child?" somebody says.</p> + +<p>"No," says the girl in confusion.</p> + +<p>That was a nasty question, all the others agreed, and the first +one admitted it. He went off to fetch his raincoat, and hung it +over the girl's shoulders. Then he tickled the child under the chin +and made it smile--a marvel of a child, human bones and rags and +dirt all in one little bundle.</p> + +<p>"Poor bastard," he said. "Born of a maiden!"</p> + +<p>"That's better!" the others remarked. "Now let's do something," +they said. "Where do you live?" to the girl.</p> + +<p>"I've lived at such and such places," she replied. +"<em>Have</em> lived; very well, this is what we'll do," one of +them said, taking out his pocketbook. The others followed suit, and +a great deal of money was pushed into the girl's hand.</p> + +<p>"Wait a minute--wait--I haven't given her enough; I asked her +such a nasty question," said the first of them.</p> + +<p>"Neither have I," said another, "because we all thought the same +thing, but now we're going to settle some money on this son of a +maiden!"</p> + +<p>A collection was taken up, with Helgesen as the cashier. Then +Bengt hailed a cab, invited the girl to enter, and got in after +her.</p> + +<p>"Go ahead--I want to go to Langes Street!" he called to the +driver.</p> + +<p>Bengt was taking the child home to his mother, the others said. +The group were rather silent after this.</p> + +<p>"Your eyes are so ridiculously wet, Bolt; are you crying about +the money?"</p> + +<p>"What about you?" Bolt replied. "You're as sentimental as an old +woman!"</p> + +<p>They grew cheerful again, and there were further +"opportunities." A peasant came down the street with a cow he was +taking to the butcher's.</p> + +<p>"What will you charge for letting our guest of honor ride your +cow?" young Rolandsen asked him. The peasant smiled and shook his +head. So they bought the cow from him, paying cash for it. "Wait a +minute," they said to the peasant. Then they put a label on the +cow, addressed to a lady they knew.</p> + +<p>"Take it to this address," they said to the peasant.</p> + +<p>By the time they had finished with this, Bengt had returned.</p> + +<p>"Where have <em>you</em> been?" they asked in surprise.</p> + +<p>"The old lady said yes," was all he replied.</p> + +<p>"Hurrah!" they all shouted. "Let's drink to the baby! Here, +let's go to the bar. Did she really say yes? Hurrah for the old +lady, too! What are we standing here for? Let's walk into the +bar!"</p> + +<p><em>"Walk!"</em> someone mocks. "No, indeed, we'll drive-waiter, +cars!"</p> + +<p>The waiter rushed inside to telephone. It took some time, as it +was getting late, but the gentlemen waited. It was already closing +time and people were streaming out of the bar. At length the cars +arrived, ten of them, one for each man. The gentlemen entered +them.</p> + +<p>"Where to?" asked the drivers.</p> + +<p>"Next door," they said.</p> + +<p>So the cars drove up to the next door of the same house, that +being the bar, and there the gentlemen gravely got out and paid the +drivers.</p> + +<p>The bar was closed.</p> + +<p>"Shall we break in?" they said.</p> + +<p>"Of course," they said.</p> + +<p>So they all ran against the door together, till it said +<em>ump!</em> and flew open. The night watchman rushed at them, +shouting, and they caught hold of him, slapped him on the back, and +embraced him. Then they went behind the counter and got out bottles +for him and for themselves, drinking and shouting hurrah for the +baby, for Bengt's mother, for the baby's mother, for the night +watchman, for love and for life. When they had done, they put some +banknotes over the night watchman's mouth and tied a handkerchief +over them. Then they went back to the dining room.</p> + +<p>The supper was served. Flaten's plate was a red silk bedroom +slipper lined with glass. They ate and drank and rollicked as long +as they had the strength; the hours passed, and dawn approached. +Then Flaten began to distribute souvenirs among them. One got his +watch, another his pocketbook (which was empty), a third his tie +pin. After this he went on to his shoes, giving one to each of two +friends, his trousers to another, and his shirt to still another, +till at length he sat there in the nude. Next they collected quilts +from the hotel bedrooms to wrap him up in--red silk eiderdown +quilts. Flaten fell asleep and the other nine watched over him. He +slept for an hour; it was morning then, and they woke him up. He +started up from the quilts, found he was naked, and sent home for +some more clothes. And then the party began all over again....</p> + +<p>Later we were discussing Miss Torsen's story; she had forgotten +one or two details which she filled in afterwards.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, it was lucky for the girl with the baby," she said.</p> + +<p>"And for the baby itself," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes. But what an idea! Poor old lady, to be told such a +tale!"</p> + +<p>"Some day perhaps you'll change your mind about that."</p> + +<p>"You think so? But it would have been nicer still if I'd got the +money they settled on the child."</p> + +<p>"You'll change your mind about that, too."</p> + +<p>"Shall I? Why? When?"</p> + +<p>"When you yourself have a baby that smiles at you."</p> + +<p>"Ugh, how can you say such things!"</p> + +<p>She must have misunderstood my meaning, for she was childishly +offended. To restore her to good humor I asked at random:</p> + +<p>"What sort of food did you get at the party?"</p> + +<p>"Don't know," she replied.</p> + +<p>"Don't you know?"</p> + +<p>"Good lord, no--I wasn't there," she returned in the greatest +amazement.</p> + +<p>"Well, no, of course not, I only thought--"</p> + +<p>"Oh, so that's it. That's what you thought!" she said, still +more offended. And she clasped her hands as she had done in the +summer, and tore them apart again.</p> + +<p>"Really and truly, I do assure you--look here, honestly--I only +thought you were taking a culinary interest. After all, you do +learn cooking and such in the daytime."</p> + +<p>"Oh, so you just make conversation with me; you adapt your +speech to suit my narrow outlook!"</p> + +<p>A pause.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, perhaps you're right up to a point; I might have asked +about the food, only I forgot."</p> + +<p>She seemed very irritable that evening. Would it interest her to +talk about Flaten? A little apprehensively, I ventured:</p> + +<p>"But you haven't told me whom Flaten is going to marry."</p> + +<p>"She's not pretty at all," she replied suddenly. "What do you +want to know for? You don't know her."</p> + +<p>"I suppose Flaten will be entering his father's firm now?" I +persisted.</p> + +<p>"Oh, damn Flaten! You seem to care about him a lot more than I +do! Flaten, Flaten, Flaten--how should I know if he's going to +enter his father's firm!"</p> + +<p>"I only thought once he's married--"</p> + +<p>"But she's got money, too. No, I don't think he's going into his +father's firm. He said once he wanted to edit a paper. Well, what's +so funny about that?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not laughing."</p> + +<p>"Yes, you were. Anyhow, Flaten wants to edit a paper. And since +Lind publishes a kennel journal, Flaten wants to publish a human +journal, he says."</p> + +<p>"A human journal?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. And you ought to subscribe to it," she added suddenly, +almost throwing the words into my face.</p> + +<p>She was now in a state of excitement the cause of which I did +not understand, so I remained silent, merely replying, "Ought I? +Yes, perhaps I ought." Then she began to cry.</p> + +<p>"Dear child, don't cry. I shan't torment you any more."</p> + +<p>"You're not tormenting me."</p> + +<p>"Yes, by talking nonsense; I don't seem to strike the right +note."</p> + +<p>"Yes, go on talking--that isn't it--I don't know--"</p> + +<p>What could I say to her? But since there is, after all, nothing +so interesting as a question about oneself, I said:</p> + +<p>"You're nervous about something, but it will pass. +Perhaps--well, not at once, of course--but perhaps it has hurt you +that--well, that he's going his own way now. But remember--"</p> + +<p>"You're wrong," she said, shaking her head. "That doesn't really +mean anything to me; I was just slightly attracted to him."</p> + +<p>"But you said he was the only one!"</p> + +<p>"Oh--you know, you think that sort of thing sometimes. Of course +I've been in love with other people, too; I can't deny that. Flaten +was very nice, and took me out driving sometimes, or to a dance or +something like that. And of course I was proud of his paying +attention to me in spite of my having lost my post. I think I could +have got a job in his father's shop but--anyhow, I'm looking for a +job now."</p> + +<p>"Are you? I hope you'll find a good one."</p> + +<p>"That's just the point. But I'm not getting any job at all. That +is, I shall in the end, of course, but--well, for instance, in old +Flaten's shop--I shouldn't fit in there."</p> + +<p>"Not very good pay either, I expect?"</p> + +<p>"I'm sure it's not. And then--I don't know; I feel I know too +much for it. That wretched academic training of mine does nothing +but harm. Oh, well, let's not talk any more about me. It must be +late; I'd better go."</p> + +<p>I saw her to her door, said good night, and went home. I thought +about her ceaselessly. It was wintry weather, with raw streets and +an invisible sky. No, really, she's not suited for marriage. No man +is served with a wife who is nothing but a student. Why has no one +in the country noticed what the young women are coming to! Miss +Torsen's tale of the wild party proved how accustomed she was to +sitting and listening, and then herself disgorging endless tales. +She had done it very well and not omitted much, but she paid +attention only to the fun. A grown-up, eternal schoolgirl, one who +had studied her life away.</p> + +<p>When I reached my own door, Miss Torsen arrived there at the +same time; she had been close at my heels all the way. I guessed +this from the fact that she was not in the least breathless as she +spoke.</p> + +<p>"I forgot to ask you to forgive me," she said.</p> + +<p>"My dear girl--?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, for saying what I did. You mustn't subscribe. I'm so sorry +about that. Please be kind and forgive me."</p> + +<p>She took my hand and shook it.</p> + +<p>In my amazement I stammered:</p> + +<p>"It was really a very witty remark: a human journal--ha, ha! Now +don't stand there and get cold; put your gloves on again. Are you +walking back?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. Good night. Forgive me for the whole evening."</p> + +<p>"Let me take you home; why not stay a few minutes--"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you."</p> + +<p>She pressed my hand firmly and left me.</p> + +<p>I suppose she wanted to spare my aging legs, damn them! +Nevertheless I stole after her to see that she got home safely.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It happened that Josephine came to the town--Josephine, that +spirit of labor from the Tore Peak farm. I saw her, too, for she +came to pay me a visit. She had looked up my address, and I joked +with her again and called her Joséfriendly.</p> + +<p>How was everybody at Tore Peak? Josephine had good news about +all of them, but she shook her head over Paul. Not that he drank +much now; but he did little of anything else either, and had +definitely lost interest in his work. He wanted to sell the farm. +He wanted to try carting and delivery by horse cart in Stordalen. I +asked if he had any prospective purchaser. Yes; Einar, one of the +cotters, had had rather an eye on the farm. It all depended on +Manufacturer Brede, who had put so much money into it.</p> + +<p>I remembered her father, the old man from another world, the man +with mittens, who had to be spoon-fed on porridge because he was +ninety, who smelled like an unburied corpse. I remembered him and +asked Josephine:</p> + +<p>"Well, I expect your old father is dead by now?"</p> + +<p>"No, praise be," she replied. "Father is better than we dared +hope. We must be thankful he's still on his feet."</p> + +<p>I took Josephine to the cinema and the circus, and she thought +it all quite delightful. But she was shocked at the behavior of the +ladies who rode with so little clothing on. She wanted to go to one +of the great churches, too, and found her way there alone. For +several days she was in the town and did a good deal of shopping. I +never once saw her dejected or brooding about anything, and at +length she said good-bye, because she was going back next day.</p> + +<p>Oh, so she was going home?</p> + +<p>Yes, she had done what she had come to do. She had also been to +see Miss Torsen and got the money for the actor, because of course +he had never sent it.</p> + +<p>"Poor Miss Torsen! She was furious with him for not sending it, +and turned quite red and ashamed, too. She didn't seem to find it +very easy either, because she asked me to wait till next day, but +she gave it to me then."</p> + +<p>So Josephine had nothing more to do in the town. She had just +visited Miss Palm, but she had not, on this occasion, met Miss +Palm's brother, Nikolai, who was apprenticed to a master carpenter. +Not that it mattered, Josephine said, because the last time she had +seen him, nothing came of it, anyhow. So that was that. Because she +was not a one to beg--she had some money of her own and livestock +as well. As far as that was concerned, she had some woolen +blankets, and two beds complete with bedding, too, nor did she lack +clothes: she had many changes, both underthings and top ones. Yet +in spite of that she had started some more weaving.</p> + +<p>I asked in some surprise whether they had been engaged. I had +had no inkling--</p> + +<p>No, but--. Well, not exactly engaged with a ring, and plighting +the troth and all. But that had been their intention. Because +otherwise why should that schoolmistress, that sister of his, +Sophie Palm, have come up and stayed for nothing at the Tore Peak +farm for two whole summers, and behaved as though she were a lady? +No, thank you, that was the end of that. Anyhow, that was what she, +Josephine, had thought once, but it was a Providence that it wasn't +going to happen, because there would never have been anything but +trouble. So it was just as well.</p> + +<p>Suddenly Josephine caught herself up:</p> + +<p>"Good gracious--I nearly forgot to buy the indigo. It's for my +weaving. Lucky I remembered it! Well--thanks for your +hospitality."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXIV</h2> + +<p>It was between Christmas and the New Year, and I had accompanied +Nikolai to his home. Since the town workshop was closed in any +case, he had decided to go home and fell timber in the woods.</p> + +<p>It was a big farmhouse, enlarged from the old cottage by +Nikolai's father, while Nikolai himself had moved up the roof and +built on a second story. He has plenty of room for me; I have a +small room to myself.</p> + +<p>His mother is hard-working and honest; she has a few animals to +see to, and usually she is washing something or other, even if it +is nothing more than some empty potato sacks. She cooks on the +kitchen stove, and keeps her pots and pans shining. She is cleanly, +and strains her milk through a muslin cloth, which she afterward +washes and rinses twice. But she picks food remnants from between +the prongs of forks with a hairpin!</p> + +<p>A mirror, pictures of the German Kaiser's family, and a crucifix +hang on the walls of the living room; in one corner are two shelves +with oddments, including a hymnbook and a book of sermons. They are +still simple and orthodox in these parts. The rest of the furniture +in the house, the chairs and tables and cupboards and a cleverly +constructed chest, have all been made by Nikolai himself.</p> + +<p>Nikolai is just as slow and speechless here as in the town; the +day after we arrived he went out to the woods without telling his +mother. When I asked for him, she said:</p> + +<p>"I saw him take the sleigh, so I expect he's gone to the +woods."</p> + +<p>His mother's name is Petra, and judging from her appearance she +cannot be much over forty; like her son, she is ruddy and +big-muscled, with a fair complexion and thick, graying hair, a +veritable lion's mane. Her eyes are good companions to her +hair--dark, and a little worn now, but still good enough to see far +and sharply across the fjord. She, too, is taciturn, like all the +peasants here, and usually keeps her large mouth shut.</p> + +<p>I ask her how long she has been a widow, and she says, "For +nearly a generation--no, don't let me tell a lie," she corrects +herself. "Sophie is four and twenty now, and it was the year after +her birth that he died."</p> + +<p>They had only been married a couple of years. Nikolai is six and +twenty.</p> + +<p>I ponder over this arithmetic, but as I am old and incapable, I +cannot make it tally.</p> + +<p>Petra was very proud of her children, especially Sophie, who had +gone to school and passed an examination, and now held such an +important post. Of course her inheritance was used up, but she had +her learning instead. Nobody could ever take that from her. A big, +handsome girl, Sophie--look, here is her portrait.</p> + +<p>I said I had met her at Tore Peak.</p> + +<p>At Tore Peak? Oh, yes, she spent her summers there so as to be +among her equals; you couldn't blame her for that. But she came +home every year, too, as sure as the year came round itself. So I +had met her at Tore Peak?</p> + +<p>Sometimes I went with Nikolai to the forest for timber, and made +myself slightly useful. He is as strong as an ox, and has endurance +almost to the point of insensibility--a cut, black eye--nothing. +And now it becomes evident that his brain works well, too. He +should have had a horse, yes, but he cannot keep a horse till he +can provide more fodder. But he cannot buy more pasture land till +he has more money. But he was learning more about his trade in the +town, and when he had finished his course of training, he would +earn more money. After that he would buy a horse.</p> + +<p>I visited the neighbors, too. The farms were small, but the +farmers cultivated as much land as they required, and there was no +poverty. Here were no flowerpots in the windows or pictures on the +walls, as at Petra's; but good, thick furs with woven backs hung +over the doors, and the children looked healthy and well-fed. The +neighbors all knew I lived at Petra's house; every visitor to this +district lived at Petra's house--had done so as long as they could +remember. I could sense no hostility to Petra in these silent +people, but the old schoolmaster was more talkative, and he was +quite ready to spread gossip about her. This man was a bachelor; he +had his own house and did his own housework. Had he, perhaps, at +some time felt a secret desire for the widow Petra?</p> + +<p>The schoolmaster gossiped thus:</p> + +<p>People who had visited the village in Petra's girlhood always +used to live at her parents' house. There was a room and a loft, +and the engineer that planned the big road lived there, and so did +the two traveling preachers, to say nothing of the itinerant +peddlers who toured the district all the year round. So it went on +for many a year, with the children growing up, and Petra getting +big and hearty. Then Palm came; he was a Swede, a big merchant--a +wholesale merchant, one might almost say, for that period, with his +own boat and even a boy to carry his wares. Well, there were glass +panes again in the windows of Petra's parents' house, and there was +meat on Sundays, for Palm liked things done in style. He gave Petra +presents of dress materials and sweets. Then he was finished with +Petra, and went away to do business elsewhere. But it happened that +the child Petra gave birth to was a boy, and when Palm returned and +saw him, he stayed, and traveled no more. They married, and Palm +added two rooms to the house, for it was his intention to open a +shop there. But when he had built honestly and well, he died. His +widow was left with two small children, but she had means enough, +for Palm had had plenty of money. Then why did not Petra remarry? +She could have got a man in spite of the handicap of two small +children, for Petra herself was still a young girl. But from her +childhood days, said the schoolmaster, she had been spoiled by this +love of roving company, and again housed itinerant tramps and +Swedes and peddlers, and thoroughly disgraced herself. Some of them +stayed there for weeks, eating and drinking and idling. It was +shameful. Her parents saw nothing wrong in this because it had +always been their way of living, and besides it brought them a +little money. So the years went by. When the children were grown +and Sophie was out of the way, she might have married even then, +for she still had half her money left, and being childless again, +it was not too late. But no, Petra didn't want to, and it +<em>was</em> too late, she said; it was the children's turn to +marry now, she said.</p> + +<p>"Well, she's pretty old now, isn't she?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, time passes," the schoolmaster replied. "I don't know +whether anyone has asked her this year, but last year there was +someone--one person--or so I've heard, so I've been told. But Petra +didn't want to. If I could only guess what she's waiting for."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps she's not waiting at all."</p> + +<p>"Well, it's all the same to me," says the schoolmaster. "But she +takes in all these tramps and peddlers and carries on and makes a +public nuisance of herself...."</p> + +<p>As I walked home from the schoolmaster's, I found I understood +Petra's arithmetic much better.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai has gone back to his workshop in the town, but I have +remained behind. It matters little where I am, for the winter makes +a dead man of me in any case.</p> + +<p>To pass the time, I carefully measure the piece of land that +Nikolai is going to break up when he can afford it, and I calculate +what it will cost him, with drainage and everything: a bare two +hundred <em>kroner</em>. Then he could keep a horse. It would have +been an act of charity to give him this money in case his mother +could not. He could have added another field to his land then.</p> + +<p class="poetry">"Look here, Petra--why don't you give Nikolai the +two hundred<br> + <em>kroner</em> he needs for fodder for a horse?"<br> +</p> + +<p>"And four hundred to buy the horse," she muttered.</p> + +<p>"That makes six."</p> + +<p>"I haven't got such a lot of six hundred <em>kroners</em> lying +about."</p> + +<p>"But wouldn't the horse be useful for plowing?"</p> + +<p>A pause. Then:</p> + +<p>"He can break the ground himself."</p> + +<p>I was not unfamiliar with this line of reasoning. Everyone has +his own problems, and Petra had hers. But the strange thing is that +each one of us struggles for himself as though he had a hundred +years to live. I once knew two brothers named Martinsen who owned a +large farm, the produce of which they sold. Both were well-to-do +bachelors without heirs. But both had diseased lungs, the younger +brother's much worse than the elder's. In the spring, the younger +brother became permanently bedridden, but though he approached his +end, he still maintained an interest in everything that went on at +the farm. He heard strangers talking in the kitchen and called his +brother in.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Only someone to buy eggs."</p> + +<p>"What's the price per score now?"</p> + +<p>His brother told him.</p> + +<p>"Then give him the small eggs," he cautioned.</p> + +<p>A few days later he was dead. His brother lived till his +sixty-seventh year, though his lungs were diseased. When anybody +came to buy eggs, he always gave him the smallest....</p> + +<p>"But," I insisted to Petra, "Nikolai doesn't want to waste time +breaking his ground himself, does he? Surely if he works at his +trade he'll earn more!"</p> + +<p>"They don't pay for joinery here," Petra replied. "People buy +their chairs and tables from the shops now; it's cheaper."</p> + +<p>"Then why is Nikolai working as an apprentice?"</p> + +<p>"I've asked him the same question," she replied. "Nikolai just +wants to be a carpenter, but it won't get him anywhere. Still, he +can do as he likes."</p> + +<p>"Well, what else could he do?"</p> + +<p>A pause. Petra's big mouth is closed. But at length she +says:</p> + +<p>"There's plenty of traffic now and a lot of tourists in the +summer, both at Tore Peak and down here on the headland. One time +we had two Danes living here; they had traveled on foot. 'If you +had a horse, you could have driven us here,' they said to me."</p> + +<p>"Ah," I thought to myself, "the cat sticking its nose out of the +bag!"</p> + +<p>"'You've got a big house and four rooms,' the Danes said, and +'There are high mountains and big woods,' they said, 'and fish in +the fjord and fish in the river; there are lots of things here, and +there's a broad road here,' they said. Nikolai was standing next to +them and heard it all, too. 'Now we're here,' they said, 'but we +can't get away again unless we walk.'"</p> + +<p>Just to say something, I asked her:</p> + +<p>"Four rooms--I thought you only had three?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but the workshop could be turned into a room, too," the +big mouth replied.</p> + +<p>"So that's it!" I thought. With hardly a pause, I continued:</p> + +<p>"But if Nikolai were going to deal with tourists, he'd have to +get a horse, wouldn't he?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I suppose we could have managed it," Petra replied.</p> + +<p>"It's four hundred <em>kroner</em>."</p> + +<p>"Yes," she said, "and the carriage a hundred and fifty."</p> + +<p>"But this land won't feed a horse!"</p> + +<p>"What do other people feed horses on?" she asked. "They buy +sacks of oats on the headland."</p> + +<p>"That's eighteen <em>kroner</em> a sack."</p> + +<p>"No, seventeen. And you earn as much as that on your first +tourist."</p> + +<p>Yes, Petra had it all figured out; she was the born landlady, +and had grown up in a lodginghouse. She could cook, too, for had +she not put two snakes of Italian macaroni in the barley broth? The +money for coffee, for the bed at night and waffles in the morning, +had grown so dear to her that she hid it away, watched it increase, +and grew rich on it. She did not produce like other peasant women, +but no one can do everything at one time, and Petra was a parasite. +She did not want to live by earning something; she wanted to live +on the tourists who earned enough themselves, and could afford to +come.</p> + +<p>Splendor and Englishmen, no doubt, in these parts! If it all +works out as it should--and it probably will.</p> + +<hr> +<p>It is February. I have an idea, a vagrant idea that comes to me, +and I harbor it: now that there is a little snow, and its crust is +hard, I shall walk across the fields into Sweden. That is what I +shall do.</p> + +<p>But before I can do it, I must wait for my laundry, and Petra, +who is cleanly, washes in many waters. So I pass the time in +Nikolai's workshop, where there are many kinds of planes and saws +and drills and lathes, and there I fashion strange things. For the +small boys of the neighboring farm, I make a windmill that will +really turn in the wind. It whirls and rattles well, and I remember +my own childhood when we called this apparatus onomatopoeically a +<em>windwhirr</em>.</p> + +<p>Besides this, I go out walking, and use my winter head as well +as I can, which is not very well. I do not blame the winter, nor do +I blame anything. But where are the red-hot irons and the youth of +omnipotence? For hours sometimes I walk along a path in the woods +with my hands folded on my back, an old man, my mind gilded for a +moment by an occasional memory; I stop, and raise my eyebrows in +surprise. Can this be an iron in the fire? It is not, for it fades +again, and I am left behind in a quiet melancholy.</p> + +<p>But in order to recall my young days, I pretend to be filled +with a heaven-sent energy. It is by no means all pretense, and +pictures rise in my mind, fragmentary flageolet tones:</p> + +<p class="poetry"> We came from the meadow<br> + and downy heather;<br> + we came from friendship,<br> + too-loo-loo-lay!<br> + A star that watched<br> + saw lips meet lips.<br> + None else so dear,<br> + so sweet as you.<br> +</p> + +<p class="poetry"> Those youthful days,<br> + those happy days,<br> + unmatched since then!<br> + but what am I now?<br> + The bees once swarmed,<br> + the swan once played.<br> + There's no play now,<br> + yet too-loo-loo-lay!<br> +</p> + +<p>I break off, and put the pencil in my pocket with a tone still +resounding within me. I walk on with some pleasure to myself, at +least.</p> + +<p>There is a letter for me. Who on earth has found me out here? +The letter is as follows:</p> +<p> </p> +<p>Forgive me for writing you, but I should like to talk to you +about something that has happened. I should like to see you as soon +as you come back. There's nothing the matter. Please don't say +no.</p> + +<p>Yours,</p> + +<p>Ingeborg Torsen</p> + +<p>I reread it many times. "Something that has happened." But I'm +going to Sweden, I'm going to move about a little, and stop losing +myself in the affairs of others. Do they think I am mankind's old +uncle, that I can be summoned hither and thither to give advice? +Excuse me, but I am going to assert myself and become quite +inaccessible; the snow is just right, and I have planned a big +journey--a business tour, I might almost call it, very important to +me--I have a great deal at stake.... How composite is the mind of +man! As I sit talking drivel to myself, and even sometimes saying +an angry word aloud in order that Petra may hear it, I am not at +all displeased at having received this letter; in fact secretly I +am so pleased that I feel ashamed. It is merely because I shall +soon see the town again--the town with its frostbitten gardens and +its ships.</p> + +<p>But what on earth can this mean? Has she been to my landlady's +and got my address? Or has she met Nikolai?</p> + +<p>I left at once.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXV</h2> + +<p>My landlady was surprised.</p> + +<p>"Why, good evening. How well and happy you look! Here's your +mail."</p> + +<p>"Let it lie. I must tell you, Madame Henriksen, that you are a +jewel."</p> + +<p>"Ha, ha, ha!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, you are. You are a very kind woman. But you have given my +address to someone."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed; I swear I haven't."</p> + +<p>"No? Well, then someone else must have done so. Yes, you're +right, I am happy, and tomorrow morning I shall get up very early +and walk down by the shore."</p> + +<p>"But I did send a message," said my landlady. "I hope it wasn't +wrong of me. To a lady who wanted to know as soon as you +arrived."</p> + +<p>"A lady? You sent a message just now?"</p> + +<p>"A little while ago, as soon as you came in. A young, handsome +lady; she might have been your daughter, you know."</p> + +<p>"Thank you."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm only saying what's so. She said she would come at +once, because she had to see you about something."</p> + +<p>The landlady left me.</p> + +<p>So Miss Torsen was coming this very evening; something must have +happened. She had never visited me before. I looked round; yes, +everything was neat and tidy. I washed and made myself ready. +There, she can have that chair; I'd better light the other lamp, +too. It might not be a bad idea to sit down to my correspondence; +that would make a good impression, and if I put some letters in a +small, feminine hand on top, it might even make her a little +jealous--hee, hee. Oh, God, ten or fifteen years ago one could play +such tricks; it's too late now....</p> + +<p>Then she knocked and came in.</p> + +<p>I made no move to shake hands, and neither did she; I merely +drew out a chair for her.</p> + +<p>"Excuse my coming like this," she said. "I asked Mrs. Henriksen +to send me a message; it's nothing serious, and now I feel a little +embarrassed about it, but--"</p> + +<p>I saw that it was something serious, and my heart began to +pound. Why should my heart be affected?</p> + +<p>"This is the first time you've been in my rooms," I said, +expectant and on the defensive.</p> + +<p>"Yes. It's very nice," she said, without looking round. She +began to clasp her hands and pull them apart again till the tips of +her gloves projected beyond her finger tips. She was in a state of +great excitement.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps <em>now</em> I've done something you'll approve of?" +she said, suddenly pulling off her glove.</p> + +<p>She had a ring on her finger.</p> + +<p>"Good," I said. It didn't affect me immediately; I was to +understand more later, and merely asked:</p> + +<p>"Are you engaged?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," she replied. And she looked at me with a smile, though +her mouth shook.</p> + +<p>I looked back at her, and I believe I said something like, +"Well, now, well, well!" Then I nodded in a fatherly fashion, bowed +formally, and said: "My heartiest congratulations!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's what it's come to," she said. "I think it was the +best thing to do. Perhaps you think it's a bit unreliable of me or +rash or--well, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know--"</p> + +<p>"But it was absolutely the best thing. And I just thought I'd +tell you."</p> + +<p>I got up. She started, evidently in a very nervous state. But I +had only risen to turn down the lamp behind her, which had begun to +smoke.</p> + +<p>A pause. She said nothing more, so what could I say? But as the +minutes passed and I saw she was distressed, I said:</p> + +<p>"Why did you want to tell me this?"</p> + +<p>"Yes--why did I?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps for a moment you thought you were the center of the +world again, but--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I expect so."</p> + +<p>She looked about her with great, roving eyes. Then she got up; +she had been sitting all this time as though about to spring at me. +I rose, too. An unhappy woman--I saw that plainly enough; but good +heavens, what could I do? She had come to tell me she was engaged, +and at the same time looked very unhappy. Was that a way to behave? +But as she got up, I could see her face better under her hat--I +could see her hair--the hair that was beginning to show silken and +silver at the temples--how beautiful it was! She was tall and +handsome, and her breast was rising and falling--her great +breast--what a great breast she had, rising and falling! Her face +was brown, and her mouth open, just a little open, dry, feverishly +dry--</p> + +<p>"Miss Ingeborg!"</p> + +<p>It was the first time I called her this. And I moved my hand +toward her slightly, longing to touch her, perhaps to fondle her--I +don't know--</p> + +<p>But she had collected herself now, and stood erect and hard. Her +eyes had grown cold; they looked at me, putting me in my place +again, as she walked toward the door. A cry of "No!" escaped +me.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Don't go, not yet, not at once; sit down again and talk to me +more."</p> + +<p>"No, you're quite right," she said. "I'm not the center of the +universe. Here I come to bother you with my unimportant troubles, +and you--well, of course, you're busy with your extensive +correspondence."</p> + +<p>"Look here, sit down again, won't you? I shan't even read the +letters; they're nothing, only two or three letters perhaps, +probably from complete strangers. Now sit down; tell me everything; +you owe me that much. Look, I shan't even read the letters."</p> + +<p>And with that I swept them up and threw them into the fire.</p> + +<p>"Oh--what are you doing?" she cried, and ran to the fireplace, +trying to save them.</p> + +<p>"Don't bother," I said. "I expect no happiness to come to me +through the post, and sorrows I do not seek."</p> + +<p>She stood so close to me that I found myself again on the point +of touching her, just for a moment, touching her arm; but I caught +myself in time. I had already gone too far, so I said as gently and +sympathetically as I could:</p> + +<p>"Dear child, you must not be unhappy; it will all turn out for +the best; you'll see. Now sit down--there, that's better."</p> + +<p>No doubt she had been taken aback by my violence, for she sank +into her chair almost absently.</p> + +<p>"I'm not unhappy," she said.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you? So much the better!"</p> + +<p>I began to chatter away at top speed, though I tried to restrain +myself, to show that I was nothing more than an uncle to her. I +talked to distract her, to distract us both; I let my tongue wag--I +could hear it buzzing. What could I say? A little of everything--a +great deal, in fact:</p> + +<p>"Well, well, child. And whom are you marrying, who is the lucky +man? Nice of you to come and tell me before anyone, really very +nice; thank you very much. You see I've only just come home and I +haven't slept much on the journey. I was anxious to know--well, +perhaps not anxious exactly--but still--You know what such a +homecoming is: lots of people, noise, brr!--I hardly got any sleep. +Then I came home, and then you came along--thank you for coming, +Miss Ingeborg--I might be your father and you're just a child; +that's why I say 'Ingeborg.' But when you told me all this, I +hadn't had any sleep, I wasn't quite balanced--not enough to give +you advice; I mean, I hadn't quite appreciated--But now you can +quite safely-- I'd like to know, of course--Is he old? Is he young? +Young, of course. I am imagining what will happen to you now, Miss +Ingeborg, in your new condition. I mean, it will be so entirely +different from what you've been accustomed to, but God bless you, +it will all turn out for the best, I'm sure of that--"</p> + +<p>"But you don't even know who it is!" she interrupted, looking at +me apprehensively again.</p> + +<p>"No, I don't, and I needn't if you'd rather not tell me yet. Who +is it? A dapper little man, I can see that from his ring, a +schoolmaster perhaps, a clever young schoolmaster--"</p> + +<p>She shook her head.</p> + +<p>"Then a big, good-natured man who wants to dance with you--"</p> + +<p>"Yes, perhaps," she said slowly.</p> + +<p>"There you are--you see I've guessed it. A bear who will carry +you on his paws. On your birthday--do you know what he'll give you +for your birthday?"</p> + +<p>But perhaps I was getting too childish; I bored her, and for the +first time she looked away from me, looked at a picture on the +wall, then at another picture. But it was not easy for me to stop +now, after having spoken hardly at all for several weeks, and +feeling profoundly excited besides--heaven only knows why.</p> + +<p>"How did you like the country?" she asked suddenly. As I could +not see the drift of this question, I merely looked at her.</p> + +<p>"Weren't you at Nikolai's mother's house?" she persisted.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"What is she like?"</p> + +<p>"Are you interested in her?"</p> + +<p>"No, I don't suppose so. Oh dear!" she sighed wearily.</p> + +<p>"Come, come, you mustn't sound like that when you're newly +engaged! What the country was like? Well, there was a +schoolmaster--you know, an old bachelor, sly, and amusing. Said he +knew me, and put on the most extraordinary airs the first day. And +of course I returned the compliment and said I had come exclusively +to meet him. 'Impossible!' he said. 'Why should it be?' I said; +'forty years a schoolmaster, a respected man, permanent churchman, +chairman, indispensable everywhere!' Well, then I attended his +class. Most impressive. He talked continually; for once he had an +audience, almost like a school inspection. 'You there, Peter! +Ahem,' he said. 'There was a horse and a man, and one of them was +riding on the other's back. Which one was riding, Peter?' 'The +man,' Peter replies. A pause. 'Well, maybe you're right, +Peter--maybe the man was riding. Just like sin, like the devil +riding us....'"</p> + +<p>But she was looking at the wall again, drifting away from me +again. I changed the subject clumsily:</p> + +<p>"Of course you'd rather hear about people you know--about Tore +Peak, for instance. Josephine has been in town."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know," she said, nodding her head.</p> + +<p>"Remember the old man at Tore Peak? I don't think I'll ever +forget him. In a certain number of years I shall be like +him--perhaps not quite so old. Then I shall be a child again with +age. One day he came out, and went down to the field. I saw him; he +had mittens on. You know he eats all sorts of things, and I saw him +lie down and eat the hay."</p> + +<p>She stared at me foolishly.</p> + +<p>"But I must say he didn't look as though he had ever eaten hay +before-- possibly because it was rotting. It was the hay that had +been left, you know--rotting down for next year--for the next +tourist year."</p> + +<p>"You seem to think," she said smiling, "that you have to cheer +me up, because I'm terribly unhappy. I'm quite the reverse. Perhaps +he's too good for me; that's what his sister seems to think, +anyhow, because she tried to stop it. But I'm going to enjoy +snubbing that sister of his. Anyhow, I'm not unhappy, and that +isn't the reason I've come. I'd really much rather have him than +anyone else--since I can't get the one I really want."</p> + +<p>"You've told me this before, child--last winter, in fact. But +the man you want has gone his way--besides, you said yourself that +you didn't belong with him, or rather, that he didn't with you--I +mean--"</p> + +<p>"Belong? Do I belong anywhere? Do you think I belong in the +place I'm going to now? I'm afraid I'm not really suitable for +anybody--at least I can't think of anyone I'd suit. I wonder how +I'll manage. I wonder if he'll be able to stand me. But I'll do my +very best; I've made up my mind to that."</p> + +<p>"Well, who is it--do I know him? Of course you suit each other. +I can't believe you don't. He must be in love with you, quite madly +in love, and you must love him in return. I'm sure you'll come +through with flying colors, Miss Ingeborg, because you're capable +and intelligent."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," she said, rising suddenly to her feet. But she +hesitated over something, and seemed about to speak, then changed +her mind again. At the door, she stood with her back to me, pulling +on her gloves, and said:</p> + +<p>"So you think I ought to do it?"</p> + +<p>I was taken aback by the question, and replied:</p> + +<p>"Ought to do it? Haven't you done it already?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. That is--well, yes, I've done it, I'm engaged. And I can +tell from your manner that I've done the right thing."</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know. I can't tell."</p> + +<p>I crossed the room to her.</p> + +<p>"Who is it?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, God, no; let's drop it. I can't bear any more now. Good +night."</p> + +<p>She stretched her hand out fumblingly, but since she was looking +at the floor, she could not find mine, and both our hands circled +helplessly round each other for a moment. Then she opened the door +and was gone. I called to her, begging her to wait, seized my hat, +and hurried after her. An empty staircase. I rushed down and opened +the street door. An empty street. She must have run.</p> + +<p>"I'll try to see her tomorrow," I thought.</p> + +<hr> +<p>One day, two days, but I did not see her, though I went to all +the usual places. Another day--nothing. Then I thought I would go +up to her home and inquire about her. At first this did not seem to +me too improper, but when it came to the point, I hesitated. There +is, after all, something to be lost by making a fool of oneself. +But was I not a kind of uncle? No--yes, of course, but still--</p> + +<p>A week passes, two weeks, three. The girl has quite disappeared; +I hope she hasn't had an accident. I mount the stairs to her home +and ring the bell....</p> + +<p>She's already gone away; they left as soon as they were married, +last week. She's married to Nikolai, Carpenter Nikolai.</p> + +<hr> +<p>March--what a month! The winter is over, yet there's no telling +how much longer it may still last. That's what March is for.</p> + +<p>I have lived through another winter and seen the nigger +entertainment at the Anglo-Saxon theater. You were there too, my +friend. You saw how cleverly we all turned somersaults. Why, you +even took part yourself, and you carry about a broken rib as a +cherished little memento of the occasion. I saw it all from a +slight distance away, ten miles, to be exact; no people were near +me, but there were seven heavens above.</p> + +<p>And pretty soon I shall be reading what the officials have to +say about the year's harvest in our country; that is to say, the +harvest at the theater--in dollars, and in sterling.</p> + +<p>The waggish professor is enjoying himself, quite in his element. +There he goes, self-assured and complacent, Sir Mediocrity in all +his glory. By next year, he will have dragged other progressive +people in his wake; he will have dressed up Norway still more, and +made it still more attractive to the Anglo-Saxons. More dollars, +and more sterling.</p> + +<p>What, do I hear someone objecting?</p> + +<p>Yes, Switzerland.</p> + +<p>Well, then, we shall invite Switzerland to dinner and toast her +thus: "Colleague, our great aim is to resemble you. Who else can +squeeze so much profit out of their mountains? Who else can file at +such clockwork? Switzerland, make yourself at home; we don't want +to rob you; there are no pickpockets at this table. Here's to +you!"</p> + +<p>But if that doesn't help, we shall have to roll up our sleeves +and fight. There are still Norwegians left in good old Norway, and +our rival--is Switzerland.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Mrs. Henriksen brings catkins in a vase into my room.</p> + +<p>"What, is it spring?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's getting on."</p> + +<p>"Then I shall be going away. You see, Mrs. Henriksen, I should +very much have liked to stay, because this is really where I +belong; but what more can I do here? I don't work; I merely idle. +Do you understand me? I grieve continually, and my heart sits +wrinkled. My most brilliant achievement is spinning coins: I toss a +coin into the air and wait. When I came here last autumn I wasn't +so bad, not nearly so bad. I was only half a year younger then, yet +I was ten years younger. What has happened to me since? Nothing. +Only--I'm not a better man than I was last autumn."</p> + +<p>"But you've been all right all winter, haven't you? And three +weeks ago, when you came back from the country, you were so +happy!"</p> + +<p>"Was I? I don't remember that. Ah, well, things don't move so +fast, and nothing has happened to me in these three weeks. Well, +never mind; at all events, I shall go away. I must travel when the +spring comes. I have always done so in the past, and I want to do +the same thing now. Sit down, Mrs. Henriksen."</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I'm too busy."</p> + +<p>Too busy! Yes, you work--you're not ten years older than you +were last autumn. You think it's hard work to rest on Sundays, +don't you? Dear Madame Henriksen! You and your little daughter knit +stockings for the whole family, you let your rooms, you keep your +family together like a mother. But you mustn't let your little +Louise sit for twelve years on a school form. If you do, you'll +hardly ever see her all through her youth, those formative years of +her life. And then she can't be like you or learn from you. She'll +learn to have children easily enough, but she won't learn to be a +mother, and when the time comes for her to keep her home and family +together, she will not be able to do it. She'll only know +"languages" and mathematics and the story of Bluebeard, but that is +not food for the heart of a woman. That is twelve years of +continual famine for her soul.</p> + +<p>"Excuse my asking, but where are you going to?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, but I'm going. Why, where should I go? I shall go +aboard a steamship and sail, and when I have sailed long enough, I +will go ashore. If I find, on looking about me, that I have +traveled too far or not far enough, I shall board a ship again and +sail on. Once I walked across into Sweden as far as Kalmar and even +Öland, but that was too far, so I turned back. No one cares to know +where I am, least of all myself."</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVI</h2> + +<p>You get used to everything; you even get used to the passage of +two years.</p> + +<p>And now it is spring again....</p> + +<p>It is market day in the frontier town; my room is noisy, for +there is music down in the fields, the roundabout is whirling, the +tightrope walker is gossiping outside his tent, and people of every +sort throng the village. The crowds are great, and there is even a +sprinkling of Norwegians from across the border. Horses snort and +whinny, cows low, and trading is brisk.</p> + +<p>In the display window of the goldsmith across the road, a great +cow of silver has made its appearance, a handsome breeder that the +local farmers stop to admire.</p> + +<p>"She's too smart for my crags," says one of them with a +laugh.</p> + +<p>"What do you think's her price?" says another with a laugh.</p> + +<p>"Why, do you want to buy her?"</p> + +<p>"No, haven't got fodder enough this year."</p> + +<p>A man trudges placidly down the road and also stops in front of +this window. I see him from behind, and take note of his massive +back. He stands there a long time, trying to make up his mind, no +doubt, for now and then he scratches his beard. There he goes, sure +enough, entering the shop with a ponderous tread. I wonder if he +intends to buy the silver cow!</p> + +<p>It takes him an age, and still he hasn't come out. What on earth +is he doing in there? Now that I have begun to watch him, I might +as well go the whole hog. So I put on my hat and cross to the +goldsmith's window myself, mingling with the other spectators, and +watching the door.</p> + +<p>At last the man re-emerges--yes, it <em>is</em> Nikolai. It was +his back and hands, but he has got a beard now, too. He looks +splendid. Imagine Carpenter Nikolai being here!</p> + +<p>We greet each other, and we talk as he shakes me slowly and +ponderously by the hand. Our conversation is halting, but we get +on. Yes, of course, he has gone into the shop on business, in a +kind of way.</p> + +<p>"You've not bought the silver cow, have you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, not that. It didn't amount to anything, really. In +fact, I didn't buy anything."</p> + +<p>By degrees, I discover that he is buying a horse. And he tells +me that he has dug that piece of land of his, and is turning it +into pasture, and his wife--oh, yes, thank you for asking--she +lives in health to this day.</p> + +<p>"By the way," he said, "have you come here over the fjeld?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I came last winter. In December."</p> + +<p>"What a pity I didn't know!"</p> + +<p>I explained that I hadn't had the time to visit his home then; I +was in a hurry, there was some business---</p> + +<p>"Yes, I understand," he said.</p> + +<p>We said little more, for Nikolai was as taciturn as ever. +Besides, he had other business to attend to; he cannot absent +himself from the farm for long, and had to return next day.</p> + +<p>"Have you bought your horse yet?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no, I haven't."</p> + +<p>"Do you think you will?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know yet. I'm trying to split a difference of five and +twenty <em>kroner</em>."</p> + +<p>Later I saw Nikolai going to the goldsmith's again. He seemed to +do a great deal of business there.</p> + +<p>"I could have company across the fjeld now," I thought. "It's +spring, and do I not always travel in the spring?"</p> + +<p>I began to pack my knapsack.</p> + +<p>Nikolai emerged once more, apparently as empty-handed as he had +entered. I opened my window and called to him to ask if he had +bought the horse.</p> + +<p>"N-no--the man won't meet my price."</p> + +<p>"Well, can't you meet his?"</p> + +<p>"Y-yes, I could," he replied slowly. "But I don't think I've got +enough money on me."</p> + +<p>"I could lend you some."</p> + +<p>At this Nikolai smiled and shook his head as though my offer +were a fairy tale.</p> + +<p>"Thank you just the same," he said, turning to walk away.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going now?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To look at another horse. It's old and small, still--"</p> + +<p>Was I thrusting myself on the man? I? Nonsense! I don't see that +at all. He felt offended because I had passed his door last winter +without stopping and now I wanted to make him friendly again. That +was all. But as I wanted no cause for self-reproach, I stopped +packing, nor would I ask Nikolai if I might go back with him. But I +went out for a walk in the town. I had as much right to do that as +anyone.</p> + +<p>I met Nikolai in the street with a colt, and we stopped to +exchange a few words.</p> + +<p>"Is it yours?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I've bought her; the man met me halfway after all," he +replied with a smile.</p> + +<p>We walked along to the stable together and fed and petted the +horse. She was a mare, two and a half years old, with a tawny coat +and an off-white mane and tail--a perfect little lady.</p> + +<p>That evening Nikolai came over to my room of his own accord for +a chat about the mare and the state of the roads. When he was +saying good-bye at the door, he seemed struck by a sudden +thought.</p> + +<p>"By the way," he said, "I suppose it's no good asking you, but +you could get a lift for your knapsack, you know. We could be there +day after tomorrow," he added.</p> + +<p>How could I offend him again?</p> + +<p>We walked all next day, spent the night in the mountain hut at +the frontier, and then went on again. Nikolai carried my knapsack +all the way, as well as his own smaller parcels. When I suggested +that we should share the burden, he said it was no weight at all. I +think Nikolai wanted to spare the little tawny lady.</p> + +<p>At noon we saw the fjord beneath us. Nikolai stopped and +carefully rubbed down the mare once more. As our path sloped +downward, I felt a pressure, a contraction in my chest; it was the +sea air. Nikolai asked me what was the matter, but it was +nothing.</p> + +<p>On reaching his home, we found the yard well swept, and in the +doorway a woman on her knees with her back toward us, scrubbing the +floor. It was the Saturday cleaning day.</p> + +<p>"Hullo!" Nikolai roared in a tremendously loud voice, stopping +dead in his tracks as he did so.</p> + +<p>The woman in the doorway looked round; her hair was gray, but it +was she, Miss Ingeborg, <em>Fru</em> <a name="fn"></a><a class= +"fnsuper" href="#fn1">1</a> Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, hastily mopping up the rest of +the floor.</p> + +<p>"Look at all the cleaning that goes on here!" Nikolai said, +laughing. "That's her idea of fun!"</p> + +<p>And I had believed Carpenter Nikolai incapable of +lightheartedness! Yet I had seen how content he had been all the +way home, how deeply content, and proud of the little lady he was +bringing with him. Even now he was still stroking her.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg rose to her feet, her skirts dark with the damp. It +all seemed strange to me; her hair was so gray. I needed a little +time, a moment, to collect myself, and turned away to give her +time, too.</p> + +<p>"What a lovely horse!" I heard her exclaim.</p> + +<p>Nikolai went on stroking the mare.</p> + +<p>"I've brought a visitor with me," he said.</p> + +<p>I went to her and perhaps--I don't know--perhaps I rather +overdid my unconcern. I greeted her and insisted on shaking her wet +hand, which she hesitated to give me. I was anxious to appear quite +formal with her, and shook her hand as I repeated my greeting.</p> + +<p>"Well, of all people!" she replied.</p> + +<p>I persisted in my formal attitude.</p> + +<p>"You must blame your husband," I said. "It's his fault that I'm +here."</p> + +<p>"I wish you heartily welcome," she returned. "How lucky I've +just got through the cleaning!"</p> + +<p>A slight pause. We looked at each other; two years had passed +since our last meeting. To break the silence, we all began to +admire the mare, Nikolai swelling with pride. Then we heard a child +calling from within the house, and the young mother ran off.</p> + +<p>"Come in, won't you!" she called back over her shoulder.</p> + +<p>As soon as I entered, I saw that the room had been changed. +There was too much middle-class frippery: white curtains at the +windows, numerous pictures on the walls, a lamp pendent from the +ceiling, underneath it in the center of the room a round table and +chairs, knickknacks in a china cupboard, a pink-painted spinning +wheel, flowers in pots--in short, the room was crowded. This, no +doubt, was the sort of thing Fru Ingeborg had been used to and +considered in good taste. But in Petra's day, this had been a light +and spacious room.</p> + +<p>"How's your mother?" I asked Nikolai.</p> + +<p>As usual he was slow to reply. His wife answered for him:</p> + +<p>"She's very well."</p> + +<p>I wanted to ask, "Where is she?" but I refrained.</p> + +<p>"Look, I want to show you something," said Fru Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>It was the child in his bed--a boy, big and handsome, about a +year old. He frowned at me at first, but only for a moment. As soon +as he was on his mother's arm, he looked at me without fear.</p> + +<p>How happy and beautiful the young mother looked! Peerless, +indeed, with her eyes full of an inscrutable graciousness she had +not possessed before.</p> + +<p>"What a fine little <em>man!</em>" I said, admiring the boy.</p> + +<p>"I should think he was!" said the mother.</p> + +<hr> +<p>You get used to everything. The sea air no longer oppresses me; +I can speak without losing my breath to the woman who is now the +mistress of this house. She likes to talk, too, pouring out her +words nervously, as though it had been a long time since she last +opened her mouth. What we talked about? Well, we neither asked nor +answered questions about measuring angles or analyzing +Shakespeare's grammar.</p> + +<p>Had she ever thought her matriculation would land her up here, +amid livestock and Saturday cleaning?</p> + +<p>Oh, that parody of an education! She had taken the first +toddling steps in a dozen sciences, but if she met someone with +fully adult knowledge she was lost. She had other things to think +about now, her home and her family and the farm. Of course there +wasn't much livestock, now that Nikolai's mother had taken half of +it with her--</p> + +<p>"Has Petra gone away?"</p> + +<p>Married--to the schoolmaster. No, Petra hadn't wanted to stay +when the young wife took possession. One evening a strange man had +come to the house, and Petra had wanted to admit him, but Fru +Ingeborg would not. She knew who he was and wanted him to leave. So +there were quarrels between the older woman and the young one.</p> + +<p>Petra was also dissatisfied with the young wife's work in the +barn. It was true she was not very skillful, but she was learning +all the time, and enjoyed improving her skill. She never asked +questions; that, she saw, would have been foolish, but she worked +things out by herself, and kept her eyes open when she visited +neighboring farms. That didn't mean to say she could learn +everything. There were things she never learned properly because +she was not "to the manner born." Often the wives of rural +officials are from small towns, and have not learned the ways of +the country, though they must learn them in time. But they never +learn them well. They know only just enough for their daily needs. +To set up a weave, you must have grown up with the sound of the +shuttle in your ears; to tend the cattle as they should be tended, +you must have helped your mother since childhood. You can learn +from others, but it will not be in your blood.</p> + +<p>Not everyone has a man like Nikolai to live with, either. The +young wife is very fond of her Nikolai, this sound, hearty bear who +loves her in return. Besides, Nikolai is not exacting; his wife +seems to him peerless in all she does. Of course she has taken +great pains; it has left its mark on her, too, and she is not gray +for nothing. A few months ago she lost a front tooth, too--broke it +on some bird shot left in the breast of a ptarmigan she was eating. +She hardly dared look in the mirror now--didn't recognize herself. +But what did it matter as long as Nikolai....</p> + +<p>Look what he'd brought her, this brooch, bought at the +goldsmith's at the market: wasn't it lovely? Oh, Nikolai was mad; +but she would do anything in the world for him, too. Imagine using +some of the money for the horse on a brooch! Where is he now, +where's he gone to? She'll bet anything he's stroking the mare +again.</p> + +<p>"Nikolai!" she called.</p> + +<p>"Yes," his reply came from the stable.</p> + +<p>She sat down again, crossing her legs. Her face had turned pink; +perhaps a thought, a memory, passed through her mind. She was +suffused with excitement and beauty. Her dress clung to her body, +outlining its contours. She began gently to stroke her knee.</p> + +<p>"Is the child asleep?" I asked. I had to say something.</p> + +<p>"Yes, he's asleep. And think of him!" she exclaimed. "Can you +imagine anything more wonderful? Excuse my talking like this, +but.... You know he's not a year old yet. I never knew children +were such a blessing."</p> + +<p>"Well, you see they are."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I thought differently once; I remember that perfectly +well, and you contradicted me. Of course it was stupid of me. +Children? Miracles! And when you're old, they're the only +happiness--the last happiness. I shall have more; I shall have many +of them, a whole row of them, like organ pipes, each taller than +the last. They're lovely.... But I wish I hadn't lost my tooth; it +leaves such a black gap. I really feel quite bad about it, on +Nikolai's account. I suppose a false one could be put in, but I +shouldn't dream of it. Besides, I understand it's quite dear. But +I've given up using any arts; I only wish I'd stopped earlier--I've +gone on much too long. Think of all I've missed by it: all my +childhood, all my youth. Haven't I idled away whole summers at +resorts, even as a grown woman? I needed a holiday from my school +work, a rest, and immediately turned it into sheer futility, every +day a disgrace. I could cry with regret. I should have been married +ten years ago, and had my husband all that time, and a home and +many children. Now I'm already old, cheated out of ten years of my +life, with gray hair and one tooth gone--"</p> + +<p>"Well, you've lost one tooth, but I've hardly got one left!"</p> + +<p>No sooner had I consoled her thus than I regretted it. Why +should I make myself worse than I am? Things were bad enough +anyhow. I was sick with fury at myself, and grinned and grimaced to +show her my teeth: "Here, don't miss them, have a good look!" But +I'm afraid she saw what a fool I was making of myself; everything I +did was wrong.</p> + +<p>Then she consoled me in her turn, as people do when they can +well afford it:</p> + +<p>"What, you old? Nonsense!"</p> + +<p>"Have you met the schoolmaster?" I asked abruptly.</p> + +<p>"Of course. I remember what you told me about him: a horse and a +man came riding along the road.... But he's got sense, and he's +terribly stingy. Oh, he's cunning; he borrows our harrow because +ours is new and good. They've built a house at the end of the +valley, and take in travelers-- quite a big hotel, in fact, with +the waitresses dressed in national costume. Of course Nikolai and I +both went to the wedding; Petra really looked a charming and lovely +bride. You mustn't think she and I are still unfriendly; she likes +me better now that I'm more competent, and last summer they sent +for me several times to interpret for some English people and that +sort of thing--at least I know how to say soap and food and +conveyance and tips in other languages!</p> + +<p>"But I don't think I should ever have had any serious trouble +with Petra in the first place if Sophie hadn't come home--you know, +the schoolmistress in the town. She's always found plenty to +criticize in me, so I never liked her very much, I must admit. But +when she came here, she was very arrogant toward me, and lorded it +over me, showing off all her knowledge. I was busy trying to learn +what I needed to know for the life up here, and then she came along +and made me look small, talking about the Seven Years' War all the +time. She was terribly learned about the Seven Years' War, because +that's what she had in her examination. And our way of talking +wasn't elegant enough for her; Nikolai used rough country +expressions sometimes, and she didn't like that. But Nikolai speaks +quite well enough, and I can't see what that fool of a sister of +his has got to put on airs for! And on top of that she came home to +stay--for six months, anyhow. She'd been engaged, so then she had +to take a six months' holiday. The baby's with Petra, with his +grandmother, so he's well taken care of. It's a boy, too, but he's +hardly got any hair; mine has plenty of hair. Well, in a way, of +course, it's a pity about Sophie, because she'd used up her legacy +and her youth studying to be a schoolmistress, and then she comes +home like that. But she really was insufferable, thinking she was a +lot better than I because she hadn't been discharged, like me. So I +asked her to leave. And then they both left, Sophie and her mother. +Anyhow, her mother and I are quite reconciled.</p> + +<p>"But you mustn't think we've had any help from her to buy the +horse. Nothing of the kind! We borrowed the money from the bank. +But we'll manage, because it's our only debt. Nikolai has made all +the furniture in here himself, the table and china cupboard and +everything; we haven't bought a thing. He's dug up the new field +himself, too. And we'll be getting more cattle; you ought to see +what a handsome heifer we've got....</p> + +<p>"Even the food wasn't good enough for Sophie. Tins saved such a +lot of trouble, she said; we ought to buy tinned food. It was +enough to make you sick to listen to her. I was just beginning to +knit, too; I'd got one of my neighbors to teach me, and I was +knitting stockings for myself. But of course Lady Sophie--well, she +bought her stockings in the city. Oh, she was charming. 'Get out!' +I said to her. So they left."</p> + +<p>Nikolai entered the room.</p> + +<p>"Did you want me?"</p> + +<p>"No--oh, yes, I wanted you to come upstairs with me. I need +something to hang things on in front of the fire, a +clotheshorse--come along--"</p> + +<p>I stayed behind, thinking:</p> + +<p>"If only it lasts, if only it lasts! She's so overwrought; +living on her nerves. And pregnant again. But what splendid +resolution she shows, and how she's matured in these two years! But +it has cost her a great deal, too.</p> + +<p>"Good luck to you, Ingeborg, good luck!"</p> + +<p>At all events, she had triumphed over Schoolmistress Sophie, who +had once tried so hard to set Nikolai against her. "Get out!" How +content Fru Ingeborg must be--what delight in this small triumph! +Life had changed so much that such things were important to her; +she grew heated again when she mentioned it, and pulled at her +fingers as she had done in her schooldays. And why should she not +be content? A small triumph now had the rank of a bigger one in the +old days. Proportions were changed, but her satisfaction was no +less.</p> + +<p>Listen--she has begun to read upstairs; there's the sound of a +steady hum. Yes, it's Sunday today, and she, being the best +educated of them, naturally reads the service. Bravo! Magnificent! +She has extended her self-discipline even to this, for they are all +orthodox Christians in this neighborhood. Believing? No, but not +hostile, either. One reads Scripture. Rather a clever ruse, that of +the clotheshorse.</p> + +<p>She has become an excellent cook, too, in the peasant style. +Delicious broth, without noodles, but otherwise just as it should +be, with barley, carrots, and thyme. I doubt whether she has +learned this at the domestic science school. I consider all the +things she has learned, and find them numerous. Had she, perhaps, +been a little overstrung in her talk about children like organ +pipes? I don't know, but her nostrils dilated like a mare's as she +spoke. She must have known how unwillingly middle-class couples +have children, and how short is the love between them: in the +daytime they are together so that people might not talk, but the +night separates them. She was different, for she would make hers a +house of fruitfulness: often she and her husband were apart during +the day, when their separate labors called them, but the night +united them.</p> + +<p>Bravo, Fru Ingeborg!</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVII</h2> + +<p>Really, it was time I was leaving; at least I could have moved +across to Petra and the Schoolmaster, who take in travelers. Really +I ought to do that....</p> + +<p>Nikolai has got his tawny lady working on the farm; she's +harnessed to a neat cart that he has made himself and banded with +iron. And now the lady carts manure. The tiny farm with its few +head of cattle doesn't yield too much of this precious substance, +so it is soon spread. Then the lady draws the plow, and looks as +though it were no more than the heavy train of a ball dress behind +her! Nikolai has never heard of such a horse before, and neither +has his wife.</p> + +<p>I take a walk down to the newly dug field and look at it from +every angle. Then I take soil in my hand and feel it and nod, +exactly as though I knew something about it. Rich, black +soil--sheer perfection.</p> + +<p>I walk so far that I can see the gargoyles on Petra's hotel--and +suddenly turn off the path into the woods, to sheltered groves and +catkins and peace. The air is still; spring will soon be here.</p> + +<p>And so the days wear on.</p> + +<p>I am comfortable and feel very much at home; how I should like +to stay here! I should pay well for my keep, and make myself useful +and popular; I shouldn't harm a fly. But that evening I tell +Nikolai that I must think of moving on; this will not do.... And +perhaps he will mention it....</p> + +<p>"Can't you stop a while longer?" he says. "But I suppose it +isn't the kind of place--"</p> + +<p>"God bless you, Nikolai; it <em>is</em> the kind of place, +but--well, it's spring now, and I always travel in the spring. I +should have to be very low before I gave that up. And besides, I +expect you're both pretty tired of me, at least your wife."</p> + +<p>This, too, I hoped he would mention.</p> + +<p>Then I packed my knapsack and waited. No--no one came to take +the knapsack out of my hand and forbid me to pack any farther. So +perhaps Nikolai hasn't mentioned it. The man never does open his +mouth. So I placed the knapsack on a chair in the middle of the +room, all packed and ready, for everyone to see that we're leaving. +And I waited for the morning of the next day, and this time the +knapsack <em>was</em> observed. No, it wasn't. So I had to wait +till the housewife called us to the midday meal, and tell her then, +pointing to what was in the middle of the room:</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I shall have to be leaving today."</p> + +<p>"No! Really? Why do you want to go away?" she said.</p> + +<p>"Why? Well, don't you think I should?"</p> + +<p>"Well, of course--But you might have stayed on a bit longer; the +cows will be going out to spring pasture now, and we should have +had more milk."</p> + +<p>That was all we said about it, and then she went back to her +work.</p> + +<p>Bravo, Fru Ingeborg. You're true-blue. It struck me then, as it +had done already on several occasions, that she had grown very like +Josephine at Tore Peak, both in her way of thinking and her mode of +expression. Twelve years of school had laid no foundations in her +young mind, though it had loosened much that was firm within her. +But that did not matter, as long as she kept a firm hold now.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai is going down to the trading center, and since he will +be bringing back some sacks of flour, he intends to drive. I know +very well that I ought to go with him, because then I could catch +the mail packet next day but one. I explain this to Nikolai and pay +my bill. While he is harnessing the horse, I finish packing my +bag.</p> + +<p>Oh, these eternal journeys! Hardly am I settled in one place +than I am again unsettled in another--no home, no roots. What are +those bells I hear? Ah, yes--Fru Ingeborg lets the cows out. They +are going to pasture for the first time this spring, so that they +shall give more milk.... Here comes Nikolai to tell me he is ready. +Yes, here is the knapsack....</p> + +<p>"Nikolai, isn't it a bit early to let the cows out?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but they're getting restless in the cow houses."</p> + +<p>"Yesterday I was in the woods and wanted to sit down, but I +cannot sit in the snow. No, I cannot, though I could ten years ago. +I must wait till there is really something to sit on. A rock is +good enough, but you can't sit on a rock for very long in May."</p> + +<p>Nikolai looks uneasily at the mare through the window.</p> + +<p>"Yes, let's go.... And there were no butterflies, either. You +know those butterflies that have wings exactly like pansies--there +weren't any. And if happiness lives in the forest, I mean if God +himself--well, He hasn't moved out yet; it's too early."</p> + +<p>Nikolai does not reply to my nonsense. After all, it is only the +incoherent expression of a vague feeling, a gentle melancholy.</p> + +<p>We go outside together.</p> + +<p>"Nikolai, I'm not going."</p> + +<p>He turns around and looks at me, his eyes smiling +good-humoredly.</p> + +<p>"You see, Nikolai, I think I have got an idea; I feel exactly as +though an idea had come to me that may turn into a great, red-hot +iron. So I mustn't disturb myself. I'm staying."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm very glad to hear that," says Nikolai. "As long as +you like being here...."</p> + +<p>And a quarter of an hour later, I can see Nikolai and the mare +trotting briskly down the road. Fru Ingeborg stands in the yard +with the boy on her arm to watch the gamboling calves.</p> + +<p>And here stand I. A fine old specimen, I am!</p> + +<hr> +<p>Nikolai returned with my mail; quite a little pile had +accumulated in the past few weeks.</p> + +<p>"I thought you're not in the habit of reading your letters," +said Fru Ingeborg banteringly. Nikolai sat listening to us.</p> + +<p>"No," I returned. "Just say the word, and I'll burn them +unread."</p> + +<p>Suddenly she turned pale; she had put her hand with a smile on +the letters, brushing my hand as she did so. I felt a great ardor, +a moment's miraculous blood heat, more than blood heat--only for a +moment--then she withdrew her hand and said:</p> + +<p>"Better read them."</p> + +<p>She was deeply flushed now.</p> + +<p>"I saw him burn his letters once," she explained to Nikolai. +Then she found something to do at the stove, while she asked her +husband about his journey, about the road, whether the mare had +behaved well--which she had.</p> + +<p>A minor occurrence, of no importance to anyone. Perhaps I should +not have mentioned it.</p> + +<hr> +<p>A few days later.</p> + +<p>The weather has grown warm, my window is open, my door to the +living room is open, all is still; I stand at the window looking +out.</p> + +<p>A man entered the courtyard carrying an unshapely burden. I +could not see his face very well, but thought it was Nikolai +carrying something, so I went back to my table to work again.</p> + +<p>A little later I heard someone say "Good morning" in the living +room.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg did not return the greeting. Instead, I heard her +ask in loud, hostile tones:</p> + +<p>"What do you want?"</p> + +<p>"I've come to pay you a visit."</p> + +<p>"My husband isn't in--he's in the field."</p> + +<p>"Never mind."</p> + +<p>"I do mind," she cried. "Go away!"</p> + +<p>I don't know what her face looked like then, but her voice was +gray--gray with tears and indignation. In a moment I was in the +living room.</p> + +<p>The stranger was Solem. Another meeting with Solem. He was +everywhere. Our eyes met.</p> + +<p>"I think you were asked to leave?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Take it easy, take it easy," he said, in a kind of +half-Norwegian, half-Swedish. "I trade in hides; I go round to the +farms buying up hides. Have you got any?"</p> + +<p>"No!" she cried out. Her voice broke. She was completely +distracted, and suddenly dipped a ladle into a pot that was boiling +on the stove: Perhaps she was on the point of flinging it at +him....</p> + +<p>At this juncture, Nikolai entered the house.</p> + +<p>He was a slow-moving man, but his eyes suddenly quickened as he +took in the situation. Did he know Solem, and had he seen him +coming to the farm? He laughed a little. "Ha, ha, ha," he said, and +went on smiling--left his smile standing. It looked horrible; he +was quite white, and his mouth seemed to have stiffened in a +smiling cramp. Here was an equal for Solem, a sexual colleague, a +stallion in strength and stubbornness. And still he went on +smiling.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you haven't any hides--," said Solem, finding the +door. Nikolai followed him, still smiling. In the yard he helped +Solem raise his burden to his back.</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you," said Solem in an uncomfortable tone. The bale +of furs and skins was a large one; Nikolai picked it up and put it +on Solem's back, swung it to his back in a curious fashion, with +needless emphasis. Solem's knees gave way under him, and he fell on +his face. We heard a groan of pain, for the paved yard was hard as +the face of the mountain. Solem lay still for a moment, then he +rose to his feet. His face had struck the ground in falling, and +the blood was running down into his eyes. He tried to hoist his +burden higher up his back, but it remained hanging slack. He began +to walk away, with Nikolai behind him, still smiling. Thus they +walked down the road, one behind the other, and disappeared into +the woods.</p> + +<p>Well, let us be human. That fall to the ground was bad. The +heavy burden hanging down so uncomfortably from one shoulder looked +bad.</p> + +<p>Indoors I heard a sound of sobbing; Fru Ingeborg was in a state +of collapse in a chair. And in her condition, too!</p> + +<p>Well, give it time--it will pass off. Gradually we begin to +talk, and by asking her questions, I force her to collect +herself.</p> + +<p>"He--that man--that beast--oh, you don't know how dreadful he +is--I could murder him. He was the one--he was the first, but now +he's getting it all back, he's getting more than his own +back--you'll see. He was the first; I was all right till then, but +he was the first. Not that it meant a great deal to me; I don't +want to seem any better than I am--it was all the same to me. But +afterward I began to understand. And it drew so much evil in its +train, I fell so low; I was on my knees. It was his fault. And +afterward it all grew clear to me. I want that man to leave me +alone; I don't ever want to see him again. That's not unreasonable, +is it?--Oh, where's Nikolai? You don't think he'll do anything to +him, do you? They'll put him in prison. Please, run after them, +stop him! He'll kill him--"</p> + +<p>"No, no. He has too much sense. Besides, he doesn't know, does +he, that Solem has done anything to you?"</p> + +<p>She looked up at me then.</p> + +<p>"Are you asking on your own account?"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?--I don't understand--"</p> + +<p>"I want to know if you're asking on your own account! Sometimes +you seem as though you were trying to find me out. <em>No</em>, I +<em>haven't</em> told my husband. You can think what you please +about my honesty. I've only told him part of it, just a +little--that the man wouldn't leave me alone. He's been here once +before; he was the man Petra wanted to admit that I wouldn't have +in. I said to Nikolai, 'I won't have that man coming in here!' And +I told him a little more. But I didn't tell him about myself; so +now what do you think of my honesty? But I don't want to tell him +now either; I don't ever want to tell him. Why? Well, I don't owe +you any explanation. But I don't mind your knowing--yes, I want to +tell you, please! You see, it's not because I'm afraid of Nikolai's +anger, but of his forgiveness--I couldn't bear to go on living as +though nothing had happened. I'm sure he'd try to find excuses for +me, because that's his nature; he's fond of me, and he's a peasant, +too, and peasants don't take these things so seriously. But if he +did find excuses for me, he wouldn't be much good, and I don't want +him to be no good; I swear I don't--I'd rather be no good myself! +Oh, we both have faults to forgive in each other, but we need all +of what's left. We don't want to be animals; we want to be human +beings, and I'm thinking of the future and our children.... But you +oughtn't to make me talk so much. Why did you ask me that?"</p> + +<p>"All I meant was that if Nikolai doesn't know, then it couldn't +occur to him to kill the man, and that was what you were worried +about. I just wanted to reassure you."</p> + +<p>"Yes, you're always so clever; you turn me inside out. I wish +now I hadn't told you--I wish you didn't know; I should have kept +it to myself till I died. Now you just think I'm thoroughly +dishonest."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary."</p> + +<p>"Really? Don't you think that?"</p> + +<p>"Quite the contrary. What you've told me is absolutely right, +entirely true and right. And not only that--it's fine."</p> + +<p>"God bless you," she said, and began to sob again.</p> + +<p>"There now, you mustn't cry. Here comes Nikolai walking up the +road as good and placid as ever."</p> + +<p>"Is he? Oh, thank God. You know, I haven't really any fault to +find with him; I was too hasty when I said that. Even if I tried to +find something, I couldn't. Of course he uses expressions +sometimes--I mean he says some words differently, but it was only +his sister that put that into my head. I must go out and meet him +now."</p> + +<p>She began to look around for something to slip over her +shoulders, but it took her a few minutes because she was still +quite shaken. Before she had found anything, Nikolai trudged into +the yard.</p> + +<p>"Oh, there you are! You haven't done anything rash, have +you?"</p> + +<p>Nikolai's features were still a little drawn as he replied:</p> + +<p>"No, I just took him over to see his son."</p> + +<p>"Has Solem got a son here?" I asked.</p> + +<p>Neither of them replied. Nikolai turned to go back to his work, +and his wife went with him across the field.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I understood: Sophie's child.</p> + +<p>How well I remember that day at Tore Peak, when Schoolmistress +Sophie Palm came in to tell us the latest news about Solem, about +the bandage on his finger, the finger he never had time to get rid +of--stout fellow! They made each other's acquaintance then, and +probably met again later in the town. Solem was everywhere.</p> + +<p>The ladies at the Tore Peak resort--well, Solem was no angel, +but they did little to improve him. And so he met this woman who +had learned nothing but to teach....</p> + +<hr> +<p>I ought to have understood before this. I don't understand +anything any more.</p> + +<p>But something has happened to me now.</p> + +<p>At last I'm beginning to suspect that their chief reason for +wanting to keep me here is simply that they need money; my board +and rent are to pay for the mare. That's all it amounts to.</p> + +<p>I should have known it long ago, but I am old. Perhaps I may add +without being misunderstood that the brain withers before the +heart. You can see it in all grandparents.</p> + +<p>At first I said "Bravo!" to my discovery, "Bravo! Fru Ingeborg," +I said, "you are priceless once again!" But human nature is such +that I began to feel hurt. How much better it would be to pay for +the mare once and for all and depart; I should have been more than +pleased to do so. But I should not have succeeded. Nikolai would +have shaken his head as though it were a fairy tale. Then I began +to calculate that in fact there couldn't be much to pay for the +mare now--perhaps nothing, perhaps she was paid for....</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg labors and slaves--I'm afraid she works too hard. +She seldom sits down, though her pregnancy is far advanced now and +she needs rest. She makes beds, cooks, sees to the animals, sews, +mends, and washes. Often a lock of gray hair falls down on either +side of her face, and she is so busy that she lets it hang; it's +too short to be fastened back with a pin. But she looks charming +and motherly, with her fine skin and her well-shaped mouth; she and +the child together are sheer beauty. Of course I help to carry wood +and water, but I make more work for her just the same. When I think +of that, I grow hot about the ears.</p> + +<p>But how could I have imagined that anyone would want to keep me +for my own sake? I should not have had all these years too many +then, and these ardors too few. A good thing I've found it out at +last.</p> + +<p>In a way the discovery made it easier for me to leave them, and +this--time when I packed my knapsack, I meant it. But at least the +child, her boy, had some love for me, and liked to sit on my arm +because I showed him so much that was strange. It was the child's +instinct for the peerless grandfather.</p> + +<p>At about this time, a sister of Fru Ingeborg's came to the farm +to help with the housework. I began to pack then; overcome with +grief, I packed. To spare Nikolai and the mare, I decided to make +my way down to the steamship landing on foot. I shall also arrange +to relieve all of us of the need for farewells and handshakes and +<em>au revoirs</em>, believe me!</p> + +<p>But in spite of my resolution, I could not, after all, avoid +taking them both by the hand and thanking them for their +hospitality. That was all that was necessary. I stood in the +doorway with my knapsack already on my back, smiling a little, and +behaving splendidly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed," I said, "I must begin to move about again."</p> + +<p>"Are you really going?" said Fru Ingeborg.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"But so suddenly?"</p> + +<p>"Didn't I tell you yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course, but--would you like Nikolai to drive you?"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you."</p> + +<p>The boy was interested now, for I had a knapsack on my back and +a coat with entirely unfamiliar buttons; he wanted me to carry him. +Very well, then--just for a moment. But it was for more than a +moment, more than a few moments, too. The knapsack had to be opened +and investigated, of course. Then Nikolai entered the room.</p> + +<p>Fru Ingeborg said to me:</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid you think that just because my sister's here +now--but we've got another room. And besides, now that it's summer, +she could easily sleep in the loft."</p> + +<p>"But, my dear child, I must leave <em>some</em> time--I have +work to do, too, you know."</p> + +<p>"Well, of course," said Fru Ingeborg, giving it up.</p> + +<p>Nikolai offered to drive me, but did not press me when I thanked +him and refused.</p> + +<p>They came to the gate with me, and watched me walk away, the boy +sitting on his mother's arm.</p> + +<p>At the bend of the road, I turned round to wave--to the child, +of course, not to anyone else--only to the child. But there was no +longer anyone there.</p> + +<h2 class="spaced">XXXVIII</h2> + +<p>I have written this story for you.</p> + +<p>Why have I written thus? Because my soul cries out with boredom +before every Christmas, boredom with all the books that are all +written the same way. I had even the intention of writing in +dialect, so as to be truly Norwegian; but when I saw you understood +the country's language also, I gave up writing in dialect because, +for one thing, it is becoming obsolete.</p> + +<p>But why have I gathered so many incongruities within a single +framework? My friend, one of the most celebrated literary creations +was written during a plague, <em>because</em> of a plague--this is +my answer. And, my friend, when you have lived for a long time away +from the human beings you know inside and out, then you indulge +once more in the iniquity of speech; your powers have been so +little used that your head is filled with a thousand sermons. This +is my defense.</p> + +<p>If I know you at all, you will revel in one or other of my +outspoken passages; especially where there is a nocturnal episode, +you will lick your chops. But to others you will shake your head +and say: "Think of his writing such things!" Alas, small, vulgar +soul, retire into solitude and try to understand that episode! It +has cost me much to surrender it to you.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, too, you will be interested in myself and ask about my +irons? Well, I may give you their greeting. They are the irons of +one who is half a century old--he has no other kind. But the +distinction between myself and my brother travelers is that I +freely admit: I have none but these. They were planned so big and +so red; yet they are small irons, and they hardly glow. This is the +truth. They congregate with the painstaking works of others round +the Christmas table. This is the truth. It is the truth even +though, in spite of everything, they are distinct from the +nothingness of others. You cannot judge this, for you are the +modern spirit in Norway, and this is the spirit I scorn.</p> + +<p>One thing you will admit: you have not wasted your time in +"cultured company"; I have not tried to quench your little upstart +heart with a "lady." I have written about human beings. But within +the speech that is spoken, another lies concealed, like the veins +under the skin, like a story within a story. I have followed the +septuagenarian of literature step by step, and reported the +progress of his disintegration. I should have written this +description long ago, but I had not years enough; only now am I +entering upon them, directly and indirectly. I should have done it +while the country was groping for long periods under the shadow of +superannuated incompetence. Instead I do it now, when I myself am +being accused of a tendency to cast shadows. "Sensationalism," you +will say, "chasing after fame!" My dear, chaste friend, I have fame +enough for the last twenty years of my life, and after that I shall +be dead. And you? May you live long; you deserve it. May you almost +survive me--in the flesh.</p> + +<p>I have just read what a man on the pinnacle of culture has said: +"Experience shows that when culture spreads, it grows thin and +colorless." Then one must not raise an outcry against the bearers +of a new renaissance. I can no longer herald a renaissance; it is +too late now. Once, when I had the power to do much and the desire +to do more, mediocrity everywhere was too strong. I was the giant +with the feet of clay--the lot of many youths. But now, my small, +small friend, look about you: there has appeared, within even your +field of vision, a figure here and a figure there, a shining crest, +lavish with its bounty, geniuses beneath the open sky--you and I +should bid them welcome. I walk in the evening of life and, +trembling, recognize myself in them; they are youth with jeweled +eyes. Yet you begrudge them your recognition; yes, you begrudge +them fame. Because you are nobody.</p> + +<p>To you--to the modern spirit of Norway! I have written this +during a plague, and because of the plague. I cannot stop the rot; +no, it is unassailable now, it flourishes under national +protection, tarara-boom-de-ay. But one day no doubt it will stop. +Meanwhile I do what I can to fight it; you do the reverse.</p> + +<p>Of course I have shouted in the marketplace; perhaps that is why +my voice is hoarse now, cracked at times. There are worse things. A +worse thing would have been if it had not obeyed me. Is there any +danger of that? No, my friend, not for you; you will live till you +die, be assured.</p> + +<p>Why have I written to you, of all people? Why do you think? You +refused to be convinced of the truth and integrity of my +conclusions; but I shall yet force you to recognize that I am close +to the truth. Not until then shall I make allowance for the fool in +you.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> + + <a class="footnote" name="fn1"></a>[<a href="#fn">1</a>] Mrs. +(Translator's note.) + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Look Back on Happiness, by Knut Hamsun + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK BACK ON HAPPINESS *** + +This file should be named 8lbhp10h.htm or 8lbhp10h.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8lbhp11h.htm +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8lbhp10ah.htm + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Robert Connal +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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